The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #133 - Charlie Murphy & Freeze Love

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00:00:16.000 Oh yeah. 0.94

00:00:18.000 That's right.

00:00:18.000 I said it.

00:00:20.000 Charlie Murphy's here, bitches. 1.00

00:00:22.000 Buckle up. 1.00

00:00:22.000 Buckle up! 1.00

00:00:23.000 It doesn't feel legit until the music kicks in.

00:00:38.000 That was voiceless, too.

00:00:40.000 Charlie Murphy and Freeze Love.

00:00:42.000 And Rich. 1.00

00:00:43.000 Charlie doesn't fuck around. 1.00

00:00:45.000 He brings a whole fucking posse to your house, dude. 1.00

00:00:47.000 I like it. 1.00

00:00:49.000 I bought the whole camp.

00:00:50.000 Freeze Love is my friend from the old days of the Comedy Store. 0.98

00:00:53.000 I've known Freeze for, fuck, like a decade now. 0.97

00:00:56.000 Yeah, if not longer. 0.99

00:00:57.000 If not longer.

00:00:59.000 Probably about 15 years.

00:01:00.000 It's been a long time, man.

00:01:01.000 You've been having a lot of reunions this week.

00:01:03.000 I have, man.

00:01:03.000 It's been a good week.

00:01:04.000 What's going on?

00:01:05.000 Well, I've been in New York.

00:01:06.000 I've been in New York for like almost eight, nine years now, so it's my first time back in New York and around the town.

00:01:13.000 Back in L.A., yeah.

00:01:14.000 Usually we go way out in Ontario, you know, out there, but we're in Hollywood.

00:01:18.000 Right.

00:01:18.000 So a lot of people are like...

00:01:20.000 I thought you were dead!

00:01:23.000 So you guys have been doing a lot of touring, right?

00:01:25.000 Oh yeah, man.

00:01:26.000 All over the country, outside of the country.

00:01:28.000 In fact, we're getting ready to go back to Europe again in October.

00:01:31.000 Oh yeah?

00:01:32.000 And then I'm doing a show down in Guantanamo Bay.

00:01:35.000 That's going to be big.

00:01:37.000 That's probably where I'm going to film my next one hour special.

00:01:40.000 Really?

00:01:41.000 Guantanamo Bay, huh?

00:01:42.000 Yeah, Charlie Murphy Library, Guantanamo Bay. 0.99

00:01:44.000 Holy shit, so it'll be 100% soldiers? 0.99

00:01:46.000 100% soldiers, yeah. 1.00

00:01:47.000 Whoa! 0.71

00:01:48.000 Go hard, real big.

00:01:49.000 Will they let you talk about whatever you want?

00:01:52.000 As far as we know, yeah, man.

00:01:54.000 I mean, I was like, you know, when I come down there, I'm not pulling no punches.

00:01:58.000 They was like, well, no problem.

00:01:59.000 Well, there was a great story that Louis C.K. wrote on his blog about going overseas to entertain the troops and how enthusiastic the troops are and how good it felt and everything.

00:02:10.000 But he said he kept getting in trouble with the shit. 0.99

00:02:12.000 He just couldn't help himself. 1.00

00:02:14.000 Oh, with the higher-ups?

00:02:15.000 Yeah.

00:02:15.000 Yeah, because they wanted him to be fairly clean.

00:02:18.000 And he would just go dirty.

00:02:19.000 Because he knew that's what they wanted to hear.

00:02:21.000 That's right, man. 1.00

00:02:23.000 And after the show, if the general shows up and he had a problem, I'm like, well, I'm not in the army, so fuck you. 1.00

00:02:30.000 Keep it moving. 1.00

00:02:30.000 Some scary people you're dealing with, man. 1.00

00:02:32.000 We're both veterans, man.

00:02:34.000 That's right, man.

00:02:35.000 You had your chance to get us.

00:02:36.000 That's right.

00:02:36.000 I'm not doing push-ups for you.

00:02:38.000 I'm going to come do my show and whoever don't like it.

00:02:41.000 You guys were both in the military?

00:02:43.000 Yeah, man.

00:02:43.000 I was in the Navy.

00:02:44.000 He was in the Army.

00:02:46.000 It's a different breed, man. 1.00

00:02:47.000 People have been in the military.

00:02:49.000 Your eyes are more open.

00:02:50.000 People have been in the military are like, whoa, whoa, whoa.

00:02:53.000 This is for real. 1.00

00:02:54.000 This shit's for keeps. 1.00

00:02:56.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:02:56.000 Everybody out there running around playing doctor. 1.00

00:02:59.000 You want to know how the world really works?

00:03:02.000 Even when they show on the news and they show live footage of a firefight on the news, if you was never in the military, you was never around a real firefight, That's not the same thing as being there.

00:03:15.000 What you see on the news, it has an effect on you definitely, but being there when it's going on has a different effect.

00:03:22.000 100% different. 1.00

00:03:24.000 People get desensitized to seeing shit. 1.00

00:03:27.000 Exactly. 1.00

00:03:28.000 You get desensitized when you stand there.

00:03:30.000 And bullets are flying by you.

00:03:32.000 You realize this could be it right now.

00:03:34.000 This could be it at any moment.

00:03:35.000 That's right.

00:03:36.000 Yeah, there's a different breed, man.

00:03:38.000 People who've been involved in the military are a completely different breed.

00:03:42.000 That's a hard way to live, man. 0.98

00:03:46.000 And for a lot of people, there's not a lot of fucking options in this country, you know? 0.98

00:03:50.000 Yeah. 0.98

00:03:51.000 A lot of dudes who jump in there.

00:03:52.000 Let me tell you something, man.

00:03:54.000 If you ain't got nothing going on, it's not a bad choice, point blank.

00:03:58.000 If you ain't really doing nothing, if you're sitting around going, well, that's a hard life, I don't want to do that, and you're not doing anything, you need to do that.

00:04:08.000 It's better than doing nothing.

00:04:10.000 Yeah.

00:04:11.000 That's where I went, Joe, because I would have ended up doing nothing.

00:04:15.000 I was just sitting at the house getting in trouble.

00:04:18.000 Really?

00:04:18.000 Yeah, nothing was going to work in the house.

00:04:20.000 It was like, oh, go to the military.

00:04:21.000 And I got it together.

00:04:22.000 So if you're not doing nothing, then that's where you need to go.

00:04:27.000 Well, men definitely need some form of discipline.

00:04:31.000 Definitely.

00:04:31.000 We do.

00:04:32.000 We need some form of discipline.

00:04:33.000 We need something to shock us out of our complacency and get us moving.

00:04:38.000 We need something.

00:04:39.000 That's true.

00:04:40.000 Boot camps should be mandatory for every male once you turn 18, whether you go to the military or not. 0.56

00:04:44.000 I think you're right.

00:04:45.000 The boot camp experience.

00:04:47.000 You know, you should go somewhere and, you know...

00:04:49.000 Yeah, you should be somewhere where...

00:04:51.000 Because you're going to learn to take something home with that, you know?

00:04:53.000 You get in a situation where people that do not...

00:04:57.000 Love you.

00:04:58.000 Have complete control over your life.

00:05:01.000 That's a good understanding of life.

00:05:04.000 These are people, they don't care about your feelings.

00:05:07.000 They don't care.

00:05:08.000 It doesn't matter.

00:05:09.000 And you're going to do what they say do.

00:05:10.000 And if you don't, the repercussions, they're a lot like life.

00:05:16.000 You're going to be in a bad situation.

00:05:18.000 So in the long run, you come out strong.

00:05:22.000 You don't trip out over stuff like other people.

00:05:24.000 It's just fascinating that we like to pretend that our society is any more evolved than the Romans or than the Greeks.

00:05:31.000 And then you really feel like what the military really is.

00:05:35.000 It's just our hired army.

00:05:37.000 Exactly. 1.00

00:05:37.000 The people we pay to go fuck people up. 1.00

00:05:41.000 That's right. 0.99

00:05:41.000 Keep it smooth over here. 0.99

00:05:43.000 Keep it smooth over here.

00:05:44.000 No, no, no.

00:05:45.000 Everything over there.

00:05:46.000 Tear it up.

00:05:47.000 Which is...

00:05:47.000 Tear it up.

00:05:48.000 Crazy.

00:05:49.000 That's...

00:05:50.000 That's going to always be the situation on the planet.

00:05:52.000 You got...

00:05:53.000 As long as you got people in different countries and all that stuff, you're going to have competition for resources.

00:05:59.000 You got to have army.

00:06:00.000 I know, but we don't have any idea what it must feel like to be invaded. 0.99

00:06:05.000 That's got to be some trippy shit. 0.98

00:06:07.000 Could you imagine if you were living in Afghanistan, for say? 0.99

00:06:11.000 You know, Afghanistan is a fairly rural place.

00:06:13.000 It's a very strange country.

00:06:15.000 There's only one real city.

00:06:17.000 Kabul's the real city.

00:06:18.000 Everything else is all these territories run by warlords.

00:06:22.000 It's very strange.

00:06:23.000 And if all of a sudden... 0.99

00:06:25.000 Tanks show up, giant metal tanks and fucking jets flying overhead. 1.00

00:06:29.000 And you're like, what the fuck? 1.00

00:06:31.000 You're just out there with your goats and your bitches trying to keep everything down. 1.00

00:06:37.000 Yeah, that would be a... 0.99

00:06:38.000 And all of a sudden there's American troops, tanks and guns and helicopters.

00:06:42.000 I think it's even more scary to imagine that happening here, period.

00:06:46.000 Oh, yeah.

00:06:46.000 At my house.

00:06:47.000 Of course.

00:06:48.000 That's the way I can identify with the fear of it happening at my house.

00:06:51.000 But if I look at it on my block and I've seen tanks coming up the block and all that, that would be really, you know...

00:06:57.000 Well, we like to pretend that we're the peak of civilization, right?

00:07:00.000 But we're doing that to somebody else.

00:07:02.000 The peak, you know, there easily could be an advanced race above, you know, or an advanced country, rather, above this one.

00:07:10.000 There could be some new military power that all of a sudden starts taking over, and we could be in the same situation that, you know, other countries are as opposed to us.

00:07:18.000 Oh, yeah, that could happen.

00:07:19.000 That most definitely could happen.

00:07:20.000 I mean, things switch over time. 0.98

00:07:22.000 It might not be something instantaneous, but in a few months or a few years' time, it could get all fucked up. 0.87

00:07:29.000 I'm going to tell you, my service, I was in Berlin. 0.65

00:07:32.000 And this was like in 1985, 86. This was all before the wall had come down.

00:07:40.000 And we were literally stationed in the heart of Berlin.

00:07:44.000 And Berlin is like Manhattan of Europe.

00:07:48.000 So we would have tanks rolling down city streets, right past city buses. 0.99

00:07:54.000 God damn! 0.99

00:07:55.000 And it felt weird. 0.99

00:07:57.000 It felt weird.

00:07:57.000 But...

00:07:58.000 How did the people respond to it?

00:08:00.000 They were desensitized.

00:08:01.000 That's been that way since they put the wall up in 61 or 62, whenever it was.

00:08:08.000 So they were used to it.

00:08:09.000 But even for me, I never got used to that.

00:08:12.000 I was always weird.

00:08:13.000 Wow.

00:08:14.000 That's one of the things about going out of Guantanamo.

00:08:17.000 They have that wall there too.

00:08:18.000 When I was in the Navy, I went to Gitmo.

00:08:21.000 So when I go back to perform down there, it's not going to be my first time there.

00:08:24.000 But they have that wall there with the soldiers on the wall.

00:08:27.000 And they tell you, if you approach that gate or if you try to go through it, They shoot the kill.

00:08:34.000 And it's from both sides. 1.00

00:08:36.000 If you try to come into the U.S., they shoot and kill them. 1.00

00:08:39.000 If you try to go into Cuba, they shoot and kill them. 1.00

00:08:42.000 Isn't it fucked up that that's cool, that we allow that? 0.99

00:08:45.000 There's some Area 51 spot where if you cross the line, there's a certain line where you get too close to Area 51. They're just allowed to shoot you. 0.99

00:08:54.000 Yeah, it's like, once you cross this line...

00:08:56.000 We don't have to explain nothing.

00:08:57.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:08:57.000 Like, what the fuck? 0.99

00:08:58.000 What kind of ridiculous rule is that? 1.00

00:09:02.000 That's so ridiculous that the people that are in charge of the government would allow something like that. 1.00

00:09:07.000 You can just shoot someone who's driving. 1.00

00:09:10.000 And you don't have to explain shit. 0.99

00:09:11.000 you know national security you might think about it what's what's behind what's over there in area 51 you might be like if you knew what it was you would be like listen they gotta shoot anyone that comes in here i've always wondered whether or not i always wondered whether or not it's really alien shit or whether it's just secret government projects you know Everybody claims alien shit, but if you don't know what the fuck they're capable of, and you think it's one thing but it really is far more advanced, you'd probably think it was alien. 0.99

00:09:41.000 And then the rumors get spread, and if you're some scientist that thinks he's a bad motherfucker, but meanwhile there's some Russians that figured out some shit that nobody else has, and we've got their information, and it's in a hangar somewhere in the desert, you'd stumble upon that, you'd probably think that's alien. 0.98

00:09:57.000 You'd probably think, where's this coming from? 0.99

00:09:58.000 Oh my god.

00:09:59.000 I think if you mean a fully realized human being, you'd think it's an alien.

00:10:03.000 Because most people are not...

00:10:05.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:10:05.000 We don't use our whole brain, bro.

00:10:08.000 We don't?

00:10:09.000 Nah.

00:10:10.000 We don't.

00:10:10.000 We're the only species on the planet that don't.

00:10:13.000 We only use 10% of our brain.

00:10:15.000 As far as the brain capacity...

00:10:17.000 We only use 10% of ours.

00:10:18.000 Why?

00:10:19.000 Why?

00:10:19.000 How come elephants use 100% of theirs and they're elephants?

00:10:23.000 They can't drive cars, but we use 10% of ours and we do all this technical stuff.

00:10:28.000 I think that's urban myth.

00:10:30.000 Nah, man.

00:10:30.000 We only use 10%.

00:10:31.000 I've seen it.

00:10:32.000 I'm pretty sure.

00:10:33.000 I saw that debunked.

00:10:35.000 You saw that debunked?

00:10:35.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:10:37.000 He's looking it up right now.

00:10:38.000 He's looking it up.

00:10:39.000 Yeah, because I want to know this.

00:10:41.000 I've heard that before.

00:10:42.000 I heard it too.

00:10:43.000 We don't use 10% of our brain.

00:10:44.000 We don't use our...

00:10:45.000 We don't use our entire capacity.

00:10:49.000 We don't.

00:10:50.000 Why not?

00:10:52.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:10:52.000 Or is it being controlled?

00:10:54.000 Yeah, it's a myth.

00:10:55.000 If anything, it's being...

00:10:56.000 Oh, they say it's a myth?

00:10:57.000 Yeah, it's a myth.

00:10:58.000 Yeah, we talked about this on the podcast once before because I had heard someone else say it, too.

00:11:03.000 It's a misquote of Albert Einstein or the misinterpretation of the work of Pierre Florens.

00:11:10.000 So Charlie Murphy just misquoted Einstein and Pierre who?

00:11:15.000 Florens.

00:11:16.000 Florens.

00:11:16.000 It's one of those things that everybody says.

00:11:18.000 I graduated from Roosevelt Junior Senior High School, so...

00:11:21.000 That's the end of my story.

00:11:22.000 Newton South, Class of 85. No, I think a lot of people think this.

00:11:29.000 People say this all the time.

00:11:31.000 So we use 100% of our brain?

00:11:32.000 I don't think they understand it that way.

00:11:33.000 I think we know what areas of the mind are stimulated during certain activities.

00:11:39.000 We can monitor the mind.

00:11:41.000 But there's a lot of what is the consciousness.

00:11:43.000 Where is the consciousness stored?

00:11:45.000 Like, for instance, when you see a person that has psychic ability, right?

00:11:48.000 When I see them?

00:11:48.000 Do you think that that person is special or that they just tap into something that we all have but we don't all use it?

00:11:55.000 You know what I'm saying? 1.00

00:11:56.000 I think most psychics are full of shit. 1.00

00:11:58.000 Most of them. 1.00

00:11:59.000 Not all of them, though.

00:12:01.000 I'll leave room.

00:12:02.000 That's what I'm saying.

00:12:03.000 When you see somebody like Michael Jordan, the way he took basketball...

00:12:07.000 He was the psychic?

00:12:08.000 No, I'm saying he tapped into something...

00:12:11.000 He tapped into something that nobody else tapped into as far as playing the game was concerned yet.

00:12:16.000 He took it to the highest level.

00:12:18.000 Yeah, he took it to the highest level.

00:12:19.000 Does that mean that nobody else can do that but him or just that nobody else tapped into what, you know?

00:12:24.000 Well, there's also freaks.

00:12:26.000 You know, there's freaks. 1.00

00:12:28.000 Like, you know, just like John Holmes had a big giant dick, that's abnormal. 1.00

00:12:33.000 He's got this abnormal dick. 1.00

00:12:35.000 In your world. 1.00

00:12:35.000 In my world, yes. 1.00

00:12:40.000 Who's a good Lexington Steel?

00:12:41.000 Is that a better example? 1.00

00:12:42.000 He's a black guy with a giant dick. 1.00

00:12:44.000 Okay, that's an unusual organ. 1.00

00:12:46.000 Who's to say that there aren't brains capable of being hyper-powered like that? 1.00

00:12:51.000 Some guy's got a fucking 20-inch dick brain, you know? 1.00

00:12:54.000 And that's what it is. 1.00

00:12:55.000 That's what I'm saying. 1.00

00:12:56.000 If he has a 20-inch dick brain, then he's fully realized. 1.00

00:13:00.000 To us, he would seem like an alien. 1.00

00:13:02.000 Like, this guy's so smart.

00:13:03.000 You see that guy that was on the news?

00:13:05.000 He was doing all these different mathematical solutions at one time.

00:13:10.000 He was talking to like 15 people and he was telling them the day they were born through asking them math questions.

00:13:18.000 The day that their children were born.

00:13:20.000 He was answering questions about their life with math.

00:13:23.000 He had a whole room full of people.

00:13:26.000 There's one guy in the world that does that.

00:13:28.000 But then I have to go, what is he tapping into that allows him to do that?

00:13:33.000 And it's all manipulation of mathematics.

00:13:37.000 Wow.

00:13:38.000 His grasp on understanding mathematics.

00:13:40.000 He could do like a thousand mathematical joints at one time.

00:13:47.000 Wow.

00:13:47.000 You go on one plus one is two, three times six is...

00:13:50.000 Jesus Christ.

00:13:51.000 While you're doing that, he's doing 15, 20 of them at the same time.

00:13:55.000 Have you ever seen those dudes play chess where they play 10 games at a time and they'll walk up and down the table and play these people?

00:14:03.000 I got beat by one of those guys.

00:14:04.000 That felt horrible.

00:14:05.000 Really?

00:14:05.000 Horrible.

00:14:06.000 I felt like an idiot. 1.00

00:14:07.000 That's amazing. 0.99

00:14:08.000 When I was in the Navy, this dude took the entire mess deck, like 45 guys, chess boards in front of us.

00:14:15.000 Oh, my God.

00:14:16.000 And he started at the first guy and he walked to the last one.

00:14:18.000 And when he walked back, he did maybe three laps.

00:14:21.000 Which means he beat everybody in that room in three or four moves.

00:14:25.000 He took everybody out quick, man.

00:14:28.000 But this guy couldn't tie his shoes, though.

00:14:30.000 Oh, really?

00:14:31.000 Yeah, he had to wear loafers.

00:14:33.000 He never could master tying his shoes.

00:14:36.000 What?

00:14:37.000 For real? 1.00

00:14:38.000 Yeah, they call it an idiot savant. 1.00

00:14:40.000 It's like that other guy. 1.00

00:14:42.000 He was a weapons officer, man.

00:14:44.000 He was real smart with stuff like that when we came to common sense things.

00:14:49.000 Wow.

00:14:49.000 That's interesting, man.

00:14:51.000 Yeah, life balances itself out in one way or another.

00:14:55.000 Somehow it balances...

00:14:56.000 You don't get to be super intelligent and be cool.

00:15:00.000 Right.

00:15:01.000 They got this one guy that's got these real thick...

00:15:05.000 I mean, super-duper thick Coke bottle glasses.

00:15:09.000 Right.

00:15:09.000 And what he does is he looks at, they took a picture of the New York skyline, a 360 picture of the New York skyline, and they showed him the pictures, and he's got the pictures all up close to his eyes, to these thick glasses, and then he walks into a room, and he paints!

00:15:28.000 With a pencil, he draws the whole skyline exactly to a T from memory.

00:15:34.000 That's the kid that can look out the window.

00:15:37.000 Yeah, we've talked about this kid before.

00:15:38.000 He can look out a window of a plane and see a city and then draw that exact image.

00:15:44.000 Oh, wow.

00:15:44.000 Right.

00:15:45.000 It's incredible.

00:15:45.000 That's what I'm saying.

00:15:46.000 And they're using the same muscle we use, the brain.

00:15:49.000 I think when you see something like that, you've got to say, okay, clearly there's levels of potential that haven't been tapped.

00:15:56.000 And if we're evolving, and we think we are, right?

00:15:58.000 We think at one point in time we're some lower primate and we evolved to become human, we're not going to stay this.

00:16:04.000 We're going to get something else.

00:16:06.000 And when you see these savants, you see these people with crazy abilities, what that represents to me is potential. 1.00

00:16:12.000 This is a potential performance of the human body.

00:16:15.000 It's just not working in all of us yet. 0.76

00:16:17.000 But if this guy can do it, yeah, yeah, he shits himself, and yeah, yeah, he can't fucking watch TV without screaming and running into the walls, but he can still take a picture with his mind and draw, and you can't do that. 0.95

00:16:28.000 If you could do that, too, and all the other stuff you do. 0.98

00:16:31.000 Wow.

00:16:32.000 Right.

00:16:32.000 So that's when we've evolved.

00:16:34.000 Because, I mean, if I had to take a choice, I think I'd rather just not be able to draw and not shit my pants on myself.

00:16:40.000 I would say that, too. 0.80

00:16:41.000 I would go with that, too.

00:16:42.000 Yeah, I don't want to be some... 1.00

00:16:45.000 Extreme example that's crying all the time. 0.99

00:16:48.000 Some extreme example that can't get my shit together. 0.99

00:16:51.000 Listen to him play the violin. 0.99

00:16:53.000 Just keep doing these problems, Paul. 1.00

00:16:57.000 Becoming the best at something, at anything, and trying to become the best, you risk becoming a fucking mad person. 1.00

00:17:04.000 You risk becoming a crazy person. 1.00

00:17:05.000 Definitely. 1.00

00:17:06.000 To get out there, to really get out there, to hit the highest highs, you almost have to just be fucking nuts. 0.94

00:17:12.000 You almost have to just let it all go. 0.92

00:17:14.000 You almost have to be just willing to go to places that other people won't go quicker than they're willing to go, harder, with more discipline, further, further, further.

00:17:23.000 And as you're doing that, man, you separate from humans.

00:17:28.000 You get so wrapped up in trying to accomplish something, and you become crazy.

00:17:32.000 You know, I've seen it happen.

00:17:33.000 I've seen people go crazy.

00:17:35.000 We've seen people on the sport.

00:17:36.000 Yeah.

00:17:37.000 He shot lasers at me the other day.

00:17:39.000 Really?

00:17:40.000 For the folks who don't know, Robert William Apperville is a comedy store legend.

00:17:44.000 He's a dude who used to hang around the comedy store, and he was always wearing plastic bags and stuff.

00:17:49.000 He was kind of homeless.

00:17:51.000 And he would have all these one-liners about weed.

00:17:54.000 He knew all this information about weed.

00:17:56.000 His whole act was about weed.

00:17:57.000 Everything.

00:17:57.000 I mean...

00:17:58.000 Like, if you want to grow 35 plants, then you need to have 35 clones, but you have to catch them at the right month, and you would know everything.

00:18:05.000 Yeah, but he bought a new suit recently, though, so things are on the ups and ups with him.

00:18:09.000 I'm glad he's alive.

00:18:11.000 Pharmaceuticals, baby.

00:18:11.000 He was always very friendly.

00:18:12.000 I've never shaken his hand, but we've always been very cordial and friendly with each other because he won't touch people.

00:18:18.000 He won't touch people.

00:18:19.000 I tried to give him knuckles once.

00:18:20.000 I prefer not to do that.

00:18:22.000 I prefer not to.

00:18:22.000 I prefer not to do that.

00:18:24.000 So he doesn't like being touched, the poor guy. 0.99

00:18:26.000 You can only speculate as to what the fuck that's all about. 0.98

00:18:29.000 If someone doesn't like being touched, who doesn't like a good hug every now and then? 0.98

00:18:33.000 Again, this was a guy who wanted to be a comedian so desperately.

00:18:39.000 He just put himself in the comedy world.

00:18:43.000 I don't know if he was ever funny, but...

00:18:47.000 He made me laugh a few times. 0.96

00:18:49.000 They were silly. 0.97

00:18:51.000 He had some silly one-liners that were funny. 0.99

00:18:53.000 Maybe he was molested by a fellow comic. 0.99

00:18:56.000 Maybe. 0.54

00:18:56.000 Maybe he won't give up the knuckles. 0.54

00:18:59.000 Nasty. 1.00

00:19:01.000 Did you ever look at fake big dick black porn? 1.00

00:19:04.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00

00:19:05.000 Where it's like, yeah, this is a real dick. 1.00

00:19:07.000 They have artificial dicks and they don't pull them out. 1.00

00:19:09.000 They keep them in their pants and they just pull out this fake dick like, yeah, that's my dick. 1.00

00:19:14.000 And it doesn't even look real at all, man. 1.00

00:19:16.000 It's ridiculous. 0.88

00:19:16.000 What do they do? 0.88

00:19:16.000 Is it parties? 0.88

00:19:17.000 No, they just do it.

00:19:19.000 This guy makes films.

00:19:20.000 He makes videos. 1.00

00:19:20.000 But it's a fake dick. 1.00

00:19:22.000 And you could buy it, too. 1.00

00:19:23.000 So if you want to have a fake big black dick Nah. 1.00

00:19:25.000 It's so ridiculous. 1.00

00:19:27.000 I mean, his special effects budget is very minimal. 0.98

00:19:30.000 Because this dude doesn't even take his pants off. 1.00

00:19:33.000 He's just got this fake dick poking out of his zipper hole. 1.00

00:19:35.000 We just met a guy like that down in West Palm. 1.00

00:19:39.000 It was a dude named Jab Time Boogie.

00:19:41.000 Jab Time Boogie.

00:19:43.000 I brushed the hairs up on my chest.

00:19:46.000 We met this guy.

00:19:50.000 He came to the show.

00:19:52.000 And he said he wanted to do 10 minutes, which I always let any comedians that are local come and do some time.

00:19:57.000 You should never say that on the internet.

00:19:59.000 Well, I said it, man.

00:20:00.000 I said it.

00:20:02.000 You better get busy, because if you don't, you know what's going to happen.

00:20:06.000 That's beautiful.

00:20:07.000 You let anybody do 10 minutes.

00:20:10.000 Anywhere.

00:20:10.000 Everywhere I've been, dudes come up to me and say, yo, man, I'm struggling, trying to get it cracking.

00:20:14.000 Wow.

00:20:15.000 And you let them go up and do 10 minutes?

00:20:17.000 Yeah.

00:20:17.000 And sometimes...

00:20:18.000 Charlie Murphy, you're a fucking beautiful person. 0.99

00:20:21.000 Sometimes it's to the audience's chagrin because, you know... 1.00

00:20:24.000 Sometimes it's terrible.

00:20:25.000 Yeah, wow.

00:20:26.000 This dude came up. 1.00

00:20:26.000 He had the fake dick going around his knee. 1.00

00:20:30.000 Like a polka kielboska sausage. 1.00

00:20:32.000 He looked like his dick wrapped around his knee. 1.00

00:20:34.000 Wrapped around his leg. 1.00

00:20:35.000 Ha, ha, ha.

00:20:36.000 Was that part of his act?

00:20:37.000 That was part of his act. 1.00

00:20:39.000 He came up, he was primarily displaying his fake dick, and I was sitting in the back going, wow, you know, we can say what we want, but that is show business. 1.00

00:20:48.000 That is show business. 1.00

00:20:51.000 He's on the stage.

00:20:53.000 There's a light on him and people are looking at him.

00:20:55.000 He had everyone's attention for about two minutes.

00:20:59.000 I don't care what you want to say about it.

00:21:02.000 That's show business.

00:21:03.000 Therefore, that could be you.

00:21:05.000 That could be you. 1.00

00:21:06.000 So consider yourself fortunate that you don't have to put on a fake dick. 1.00

00:21:11.000 Stand in front of a crowd to get paid. 1.00

00:21:14.000 Sing songs about your chest hair.

00:21:16.000 Yeah, you know?

00:21:17.000 That's a hell of a way to make a living.

00:21:19.000 Do you ever have a hard time getting... 1.00

00:21:20.000 Except being in the military is hard as shit. 0.99

00:21:22.000 That's hard. 0.99

00:21:22.000 Do you ever have a hard time getting the guys off stage where they don't want to just do 10 minutes, they want to keep going? 0.99

00:21:26.000 That dude wanted to stay on.

00:21:27.000 He thought he was killing them.

00:21:28.000 Everyone was looking at him like, yo, what are you...

00:21:31.000 What is this about?

00:21:32.000 Okay, joke's over.

00:21:33.000 Come on, let's do it.

00:21:35.000 I was like, y'all think you better like him?

00:21:37.000 He's...

00:21:38.000 He was bugging, man.

00:21:40.000 You took the craziest path into comedy ever, man, and I always admire you for doing that.

00:21:45.000 When we met, Charlie and I did this thing, the Maxim Comedy Tour. 0.99

00:21:50.000 It was Charlie, me, and Johnny Heffron, and we had a great fucking time. 0.98

00:21:55.000 Oh, yeah. 0.97

00:21:55.000 And we got to become friends, but I... I was always impressed that you were an actor, essentially, when you went on Chappelle's show. 0.97

00:22:05.000 You were just a guy who was really good at telling stories and a really good actor and the brother of the most famous stand-up comedian possibly of all time.

00:22:15.000 And you just jumped right into headlining, man.

00:22:19.000 You just jumped right in. 0.99

00:22:21.000 That takes some crazy balls. 1.00

00:22:23.000 I think about when I first started doing stand-up, if someone said, okay, now you're going to do 45 minutes, I would have just shit all over myself. 1.00

00:22:30.000 You just went right in.

00:22:32.000 You never had a moment where you were like Charlie Murphy, the middle act, who toured the country and tried to do little gigs. 0.99

00:22:38.000 You just went right into the fucking flame, which is really hard to do. 0.78

00:22:43.000 And said, and I'm going to have Freeze Love as my opener. 0.99

00:22:47.000 Yeah.

00:22:47.000 And told me, don't hold back.

00:22:49.000 Do you.

00:22:54.000 My attitude has always been, because of the age I was when I started doing stand-up, I was like, you don't got time for all that.

00:22:59.000 You were already a man.

00:23:01.000 You don't have time to be opening for people.

00:23:06.000 You don't have time, but you got to show up with something to say.

00:23:08.000 Do you have something to say?

00:23:10.000 Okay, if you have something to say, let's go iron it out and make it happen, you know?

00:23:13.000 If not, leave it alone.

00:23:15.000 You had evolved the philosophy by the time you ever got on stage.

00:23:19.000 When I first got on stage, I was 21. I was an idiot. 1.00

00:23:22.000 I didn't know shit. 1.00

00:23:23.000 I had no business telling anybody anything about anything. 1.00

00:23:26.000 So I would just talk about pussy. 1.00

00:23:28.000 I would just tell sex jokes. 1.00

00:23:29.000 I mean, that was like my whole act.

00:23:31.000 The first time I got on stage and did a show and got paid for it, I probably got paid way more money than I deserved.

00:23:40.000 But once I tasted the money...

00:23:45.000 There's no way somebody's telling me I can't go back up on that stage again.

00:23:49.000 Yeah, man.

00:23:50.000 I was like, I'll do whatever I have to do to stay up there.

00:23:52.000 I was telling people in the audience, look, man, you don't understand. 0.77

00:23:54.000 I'm going to beat you up for real. 0.99

00:23:57.000 I'm really going to bust the mic stand on your face. 0.99

00:23:59.000 You better let it go because I'm not giving this job up.

00:24:02.000 And I stayed with it, man.

00:24:04.000 How old were you when you first got on stage?

00:24:06.000 42. Wow.

00:24:08.000 Yeah.

00:24:08.000 Wow.

00:24:09.000 So what was that like, man?

00:24:11.000 What a giant shift in your life.

00:24:14.000 Huge.

00:24:15.000 It was huge. 0.99

00:24:16.000 And touring all over the fucking country, constantly performing. 0.99

00:24:19.000 For the first two years, I didn't believe that it was real. 0.98

00:24:24.000 It was like, okay, they're being courteous to you because they like you on the Chappelle show, and they're not booing you or nothing, so go get this money and have fun.

00:24:35.000 But don't take it serious because at any moment, it's going to disappear.

00:24:39.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:24:40.000 But then that didn't happen and it became a responsibility.

00:24:43.000 Like, okay, it's not disappearing.

00:24:46.000 It's your responsibility to take this as far as you can.

00:24:50.000 Wow, that's a weird way of thinking about it.

00:24:53.000 So why did you think that it was going to go away?

00:24:55.000 Was it because it was too good to be true?

00:24:57.000 It was too good to be true, man.

00:24:59.000 Yeah, it was too good to be true.

00:25:00.000 Me going into the room and standing on the stage for, at that time, 15-20 minutes and getting 5 grand, 10 grams.

00:25:08.000 What?

00:25:09.000 For talking?

00:25:10.000 Too good to be, about whatever I want to talk about?

00:25:12.000 Come on, man.

00:25:14.000 It wasn't like somebody said, you have to do, in acting, we give you a script, a part, we have to deliver this guy to the audience.

00:25:20.000 Not you.

00:25:22.000 Stand up is you.

00:25:23.000 So that was too good to be true.

00:25:25.000 I was like, what, man?

00:25:26.000 Come on, man.

00:25:27.000 What's the hardest part about starting that late?

00:25:29.000 Is it that you're already set in your ways and you've got to shift your whole life around because now you're a stand-up comic?

00:25:35.000 No, the hardest part about starting out that late for me was that I had...

00:25:41.000 Most comedians that were my age, I'm 52 years old now.

00:25:44.000 Most comedians that were my age had a lot of fans their age.

00:25:49.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:25:50.000 I have fans my age, but I have also a lot of fans that are 21, 18. And now because of the new show I'm doing with Terry Crews, are we there yet?

00:26:01.000 Five and six years old again.

00:26:03.000 A lot of kids are popping up.

00:26:05.000 Wow.

00:26:05.000 So when I started doing stand-up, I was like, who are you talking to?

00:26:11.000 You can't talk to everybody.

00:26:12.000 You can't talk to little kids the same way you talk to adults. 0.77

00:26:15.000 And the answer that came back was just be yourself.

00:26:18.000 And the people who you're supposed to be talking to are going to show up.

00:26:22.000 The ones who you ain't supposed to be talking to will not come back, you know?

00:26:26.000 And I've been doing pretty good with that.

00:26:27.000 I just do me.

00:26:29.000 That's why I've been able to go all around the world and have had no problem because when we get there, I'm not struggling with, oh, I'm in Stockholm now, so how am I going to...

00:26:40.000 No, I'm in Stockholm, so you're going to get the same thing in Stockholm that you're going to get in Hollywood or that you would get in New York, you know?

00:26:48.000 Yeah.

00:26:49.000 Me.

00:26:49.000 And that's it.

00:26:50.000 That's all I can deliver.

00:26:51.000 It's me.

00:26:52.000 There's something beautiful about that.

00:26:55.000 That's a wisdom and an approach when you're 42 that you don't necessarily have when you're 21. When you're 21 and you first start out doing stand-up, you really shouldn't be talking.

00:27:06.000 You should be listening.

00:27:07.000 Your point of view is really irrelevant.

00:27:09.000 Yeah, you should be listening.

00:27:10.000 Oh, when you start talking about relationships and all that stuff at 21, it's like, stop it, man.

00:27:14.000 You only had one relationship.

00:27:16.000 Let me tell you how to raise a family.

00:27:18.000 The difference between black folks and white folks. 0.86

00:27:20.000 You're how old again?

00:27:22.000 Yeah, exactly.

00:27:24.000 All that kind of stuff, you know.

00:27:26.000 I think the fact that I was a man when I started, I was already a full-grown man, helped me out a lot, too.

00:27:32.000 Yeah, because stand-up ultimately becomes about your point of view.

00:27:36.000 It becomes, you know, you breaking down, this is, I've been alive for X amount of years, this is how I see it.

00:27:43.000 Boom.

00:27:44.000 You know, that's what your stand-up eventually becomes.

00:27:47.000 You know, eventually, and you're already there.

00:27:49.000 You already had so much life experience to jump in at 42. Yeah.

00:27:55.000 Oh yeah, man.

00:27:56.000 And then have the nerve to, because it's courage, the courage to stand in and tell people.

00:28:04.000 Because I think it's funny.

00:28:05.000 I'm going to hit you with it.

00:28:06.000 Boom! 0.99

00:28:07.000 Now, we all know as comedians that sometimes you don't get that explosion.

00:28:11.000 You don't want that not to happen, but it's a possibility.

00:28:15.000 But that's the risk we got to take, right? 0.98

00:28:17.000 Yeah, bombing sucks. 1.00

00:28:18.000 Bombing sucks. 1.00

00:28:19.000 It's part of the program. 1.00

00:28:22.000 It's what makes you sharp, though.

00:28:24.000 The fear of it.

00:28:25.000 It's what keeps you sharp.

00:28:27.000 It's much harder.

00:28:28.000 We're out here right now doing my first TV show.

00:28:33.000 I'm the star of the show.

00:28:35.000 We're in the midst of doing it right now.

00:28:36.000 And we're going to be out here for six weeks.

00:28:38.000 And what is it?

00:28:39.000 Charlie Murphy's Law.

00:28:40.000 Charlie Murphy's Law.

00:28:43.000 It's me as a judge.

00:28:44.000 People think of Judge Mathis or whatever.

00:28:46.000 But imagine Judge Mathis when he goes home.

00:28:49.000 Oh, okay.

00:28:50.000 And he has, you know Judge Matthews' background, he's a dude from the street.

00:28:55.000 Right.

00:28:55.000 Because he adopted this kid that's a bad kid.

00:28:59.000 So he's trying to mentor this kid.

00:29:01.000 It's kind of like the courtship of Eddie's father.

00:29:04.000 Your son is not soft.

00:29:06.000 Your son is really a problem.

00:29:08.000 Every week there's going to be some drama with this kid where I'm going to have to really, you know what I'm saying, be dad.

00:29:14.000 You're going to have to knuckle up.

00:29:15.000 He's not Theo.

00:29:17.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:29:18.000 He's a real kid.

00:29:19.000 He's a real kid, man.

00:29:20.000 He's like what most people are dealing with.

00:29:22.000 Right, right, right.

00:29:23.000 But he's funny, you know?

00:29:25.000 So if you mix the two things about Night Court and that blended together, that's what the gist of the show is.

00:29:32.000 It's going to be me and Night Court.

00:29:34.000 It's going to be funny stuff in the courtroom scenes or whatever.

00:29:36.000 But it's going to be mainly about me and my relationship with my adopted son.

00:29:41.000 I hope you look into Judge Mathis as your inspiration because I love Judge Mathis.

00:29:45.000 Judge Mathis is raw, man. 1.00

00:29:46.000 He's the fucking bomb. 1.00

00:29:47.000 I love Judge Mathis. 1.00

00:29:49.000 Isn't it weird how we like watching other people go to court?

00:29:52.000 Yeah.

00:29:55.000 How weird is that, man?

00:29:56.000 We like watching other people go to court.

00:29:57.000 Other people. 1.00

00:29:58.000 We like other people to be up there and go, oh, you're fucked now, dude. 1.00

00:30:01.000 I can't believe he said that. 1.00

00:30:03.000 This motherfucker doesn't even have receipts. 1.00

00:30:05.000 You're right. 1.00

00:30:05.000 No receipts? 1.00

00:30:07.000 Why'd you even come, sir? 1.00

00:30:09.000 Shut up. 1.00

00:30:10.000 Why do we like that? 1.00

00:30:11.000 Why do we like seeing other people fuck up? 0.99

00:30:13.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:30:14.000 I think it keeps us on your toes.

00:30:16.000 It keeps me on my toes.

00:30:17.000 I think it's just a nice distraction.

00:30:19.000 You concentrate on their problems so you don't have to think about your own.

00:30:22.000 You've got some new thing to occupy your mind.

00:30:24.000 Yeah, this is true.

00:30:25.000 I consider Judge Mathis like school, though.

00:30:27.000 It teaches me what not to do, just like I do with cops.

00:30:30.000 Okay, what does it teach you what not to do?

00:30:32.000 If I were to murder somebody, I know not to do this and that.

00:30:36.000 Judge Mathis has begging skills, so that's why I like it.

00:30:39.000 Yeah, Judge Mathis.

00:30:40.000 He has professional bagging skills.

00:30:42.000 I wouldn't start no type of...

00:30:44.000 He can shut you down.

00:30:44.000 He's quick with it.

00:30:45.000 He's quick with it. 1.00

00:30:46.000 And he says some bone-crushing shit, man. 1.00

00:30:49.000 I'm telling you. 1.00

00:30:49.000 I was in the radio station with him. 1.00

00:30:51.000 I'm not going to learn his jokes back, but he really tore that...

00:30:53.000 What was that DJ's name?

00:30:55.000 I don't know.

00:30:55.000 That guy started it.

00:30:56.000 He came in and started.

00:30:57.000 He thought he had two, you know, schleps in the room.

00:30:59.000 He came...

00:31:00.000 First, he started with Paul.

00:31:01.000 He didn't know Paul was a comedian.

00:31:03.000 And he made...

00:31:03.000 And he made freeze...

00:31:05.000 He actually freezed after about 10 minutes.

00:31:07.000 He said, Hey...

00:31:09.000 Are you a professional comedian?

00:31:10.000 Because the room was, like, glasses were knocked over and everything.

00:31:13.000 People were laughing at him.

00:31:14.000 He came in the room and started it and got blowed out.

00:31:17.000 He looked like a tall Gary Coleman.

00:31:19.000 Right.

00:31:20.000 That's what freeze stuck to that whole theme, the Gary Coleman theme.

00:31:23.000 This dude was about this tall.

00:31:25.000 Looked just like Gary.

00:31:27.000 Ripped him in the room.

00:31:28.000 And then we went into the booth, the actual room, to do the interview.

00:31:32.000 Judge Mathis is in there.

00:31:33.000 So the guy just finished getting embarrassed.

00:31:36.000 By freeze, he wants to redeem himself.

00:31:38.000 He says something to Judge Mathis.

00:31:40.000 And then Judge Mathis took it to the next level.

00:31:43.000 It was like they played a relay race with that guy.

00:31:47.000 Like ping pong, what is it?

00:31:48.000 He had him freeze-hailing him off to Judge Mathis.

00:31:51.000 And what did Judge Mathis say?

00:31:52.000 He destroyed him.

00:31:53.000 He destroyed him.

00:31:54.000 What did he say?

00:31:55.000 He said, first of all, climb up out of that hole when you talk to me.

00:32:02.000 - That's what we told the dude.

00:32:04.000 Wow.

00:32:08.000 I mean, the dude was... 1.00

00:32:09.000 There's a judge talking shit to you? 1.00

00:32:12.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:32:13.000 And at one point, my man said something about downtown L.A. Oh, yeah.

00:32:19.000 He said something about transvestites.

00:32:21.000 And the dude said, yeah, yeah, Judge Matthews. 0.76

00:32:23.000 I know you want to go down there and see all them transvestites. 1.00

00:32:26.000 Judge Matthews said, yeah, yeah. 1.00

00:32:28.000 I do want to go down there so I could watch you stand up and suck dick. 1.00

00:32:33.000 And this dude was like real short. 1.00

00:32:34.000 The judge said that?

00:32:35.000 Judge Matthews.

00:32:36.000 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

00:32:38.000 Are you throwing him under the bus right now?

00:32:42.000 Is this information that can get him?

00:32:44.000 He's real, man.

00:32:45.000 Judge Mathis is real, son.

00:32:46.000 He crushed him. 1.00

00:32:47.000 Prison and shit. 0.99

00:32:48.000 That dude's awesome. 1.00

00:32:49.000 Tell a short dude so I can watch you stand up and suck dick. 1.00

00:32:53.000 That was where the brilliance was. 1.00

00:32:55.000 Okay?

00:32:55.000 Don't get it twisted.

00:32:57.000 That's what made me go, Judge Mathis is the real deal.

00:33:00.000 He hit this dude so hard, man. 0.99

00:33:02.000 The dude shut up.

00:33:03.000 The rest of the interview, he was scared to talk, man. 0.68

00:33:06.000 He was scared to ask questions.

00:33:08.000 We was interviewing ourselves after that.

00:33:11.000 Great moments in criminal history.

00:33:13.000 True Hollywood stories with Judge Matthews.

00:33:17.000 I love Judge Matthews.

00:33:19.000 I could watch you stand up and...

00:33:22.000 I'm supposed to...

00:33:22.000 Tommy...

00:33:26.000 I'm supposed to ask you about Johnny Gill who thought he could beat Oscar De La Hoya.

00:33:31.000 Oh yeah, man.

00:33:32.000 Wow, how'd you know about that?

00:33:34.000 Somebody told me that.

00:33:35.000 Wow, how'd you know about that one, man?

00:33:36.000 I think it was Tom Segura told me that.

00:33:38.000 That was one of the days when...

00:33:39.000 That's back when Oscar was still fighting, too.

00:33:42.000 That's what made me really angry. 0.99

00:33:44.000 Oscar was whipping somebody's ass and I'm sitting next to a balladeer. 0.99

00:33:49.000 I respect you. 0.99

00:33:50.000 You're a good singer and all that, but don't point to no fighter and go, I can whip him.

00:33:53.000 I don't want to hear that, man.

00:33:54.000 He really said that?

00:33:57.000 Vehemently, man.

00:33:57.000 It jumped up.

00:34:00.000 The fact that you brought it up, it ain't like I'm snitching.

00:34:03.000 I told him, if I ever see you and Oscar in the same room, make sure that Oscar knows that you feel that way.

00:34:10.000 I want to be there.

00:34:12.000 I'm making sure he knows that you, a balladeer Cronin, Say that you can whip him.

00:34:17.000 Yeah, man.

00:34:18.000 To me, that was the highest insult of the highest level, man.

00:34:22.000 You making money with roses flying in the air and all that?

00:34:26.000 You going to look at a fighter and talk about how I can whip him? 0.98

00:34:28.000 Come on, man.

00:34:30.000 He needs to know that.

00:34:31.000 He needs to know you feel that way.

00:34:36.000 I did it with Mike Tyson. 0.99

00:34:38.000 You remember when he used to talk shit? 0.99

00:34:39.000 One day we were all together and I said, you know, Mike, this dude told me. 1.00

00:34:47.000 Whip your ass, man. 1.00

00:34:49.000 He tells me all the time. 1.00

00:34:51.000 Why don't you tell Mike what you be telling me?

00:34:55.000 Watched him turn into Kool-Aid in his chair.

00:34:57.000 What did he say, Mike?

00:34:58.000 He didn't say nothing to Mike.

00:34:59.000 I meant the other Mike Tyson, man.

00:35:01.000 He didn't say nothing to Mike.

00:35:02.000 That was my whole point.

00:35:04.000 I mean, you probably have encountered it before.

00:35:06.000 I've been in the hood.

00:35:07.000 I've been in the barbershop sometime.

00:35:08.000 And I've got to tell folks, man, they'll be like, yo, man.

00:35:11.000 Because Mike, you know, Mike, nothing, man.

00:35:13.000 What do you do?

00:35:14.000 You work for UPS, right?

00:35:16.000 Don't bring up Mike's name, son.

00:35:18.000 Stop it.

00:35:19.000 Bring up another truck driver.

00:35:21.000 Because I'll take you out of Gleason's right now and pick out any heavyweight, somebody who you've never seen on TV, and he'll make you call him the greatest.

00:35:29.000 Stop it, man.

00:35:29.000 You got a fighter.

00:35:30.000 You don't do what this guy does.

00:35:32.000 Respect what he does.

00:35:33.000 Mess like him jumping behind the wheel of your truck and trying to beat you on your route.

00:35:36.000 It's not going to happen.

00:35:37.000 I'm going to park this.

00:35:38.000 It's not going to happen.

00:35:41.000 It's not going to happen, man. 0.99

00:35:42.000 It's a weird thing where dudes get delusional about their ability to kick ass. 0.95

00:35:46.000 It's a weird thing, man. 0.98

00:35:46.000 Yeah, Johnny Gilbert, he really thought he... 0.98

00:35:48.000 Back in the day, I don't know if...

00:35:49.000 Maybe, you know, he's more mature.

00:35:51.000 But what did he think?

00:35:51.000 He just think that Oscar Delahoe was getting lucky?

00:35:54.000 Oscar, he could beat Oscar.

00:35:54.000 He felt he was more powerful, faster...

00:35:57.000 I was like, but you never boxed before.

00:36:00.000 It has nothing to do with it.

00:36:01.000 I'm talking about being a man.

00:36:02.000 I was like, what do you think they're doing, man?

00:36:05.000 What are you talking about, man?

00:36:06.000 These boys are just fighting, man.

00:36:08.000 I'm talking about being a man.

00:36:09.000 These boys are trying to knock each other's heads off.

00:36:12.000 Talk about being a man.

00:36:13.000 That's a dude that doesn't understand what an eight-week camp is like.

00:36:17.000 An eight-week training camp.

00:36:18.000 He was buffed.

00:36:19.000 I think he was working out with Barry Barnes and he had a little cut-on and everything.

00:36:23.000 I was like, you know, those muscles don't translate to a win, brother.

00:36:27.000 It translates to best in show at a bodybuilding contest.

00:36:31.000 Not that you're gonna win the fight.

00:36:33.000 And if you look at real fighters, they don't have the chiseled body like G.I. Joe.

00:36:37.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:36:38.000 Look at Anderson Silva.

00:36:39.000 Yeah, look at his body look normal, man.

00:36:40.000 Yeah.

00:36:41.000 And look what happens when those dudes come in with the, you know...

00:36:44.000 The G.I. Joe Kid.

00:36:46.000 The classic ballet stand.

00:36:47.000 The problem with all that muscle is it needs fuel.

00:36:50.000 You gotta feed that.

00:36:51.000 So you're only good for about 30 seconds, 20 seconds of full fury when you're all big like that.

00:36:57.000 The guy can hang on to you.

00:36:58.000 It's like riding a bull.

00:37:00.000 But the bull's like a real bad endurance.

00:37:03.000 Then you burn out.

00:37:04.000 You get the big, rough arms, they fill up with blood.

00:37:07.000 Then they can't move.

00:37:08.000 They get heavy.

00:37:09.000 It's crazy. 1.00

00:37:10.000 You watch, like, there's a guy named Marius Pujanowski, world's strongest man, does those crazy fucking things where they throw the beer bottles in the air and lift up cars and shit, you know, that strongman shit. 0.99

00:37:21.000 He's won it a bunch of times. 0.99

00:37:23.000 And he just started doing MMA. And he gets fucked up by fat dudes. 1.00

00:37:27.000 He's not throwing a big keg. 1.00

00:37:28.000 He's throwing something with punches and kicks coming off. 0.98

00:37:30.000 Tim Sylvia beat the fuck out of that boy. 0.90

00:37:32.000 He had that dude purple. 1.00

00:37:34.000 That guy was purple as fuck. 1.00

00:37:35.000 Tim Sylvia was like, how dare you? 1.00

00:37:38.000 I was a fucking two-time heavyweight champion. 0.99

00:37:40.000 Or more, maybe. 1.00

00:37:41.000 Either way, he's a fucking world UFC heavyweight champion. 1.00

00:37:46.000 And you think that you can pick up a car so you can kick his ass? 1.00

00:37:50.000 It was like a slow, methodical ass-kicking by an overweight guy, essentially. 1.00

00:37:56.000 The guy with a big gut. 0.98

00:37:57.000 The car's not moving.

00:37:58.000 The car's not doing techniques on you. 0.98

00:38:00.000 But if they can get you in those first 15 seconds, you could have a real big fucking problem. 0.98

00:38:05.000 Because for 15 seconds... 0.99

00:38:06.000 Those guys get street people. 0.91

00:38:08.000 That guy who could throw a car goes to the supermarket and you get an argument.

00:38:13.000 He could probably throw you across the meat section and...

00:38:16.000 Take your back or something.

00:38:18.000 You won't expect it.

00:38:18.000 Wow, this guy flew me across the meat section.

00:38:21.000 But you ain't an MMA fighter.

00:38:23.000 You ain't a boxer.

00:38:24.000 You ain't whatever.

00:38:24.000 Any kind of professional athlete, whatever profession he's in, respect it.

00:38:29.000 Don't disrespect it.

00:38:30.000 Straight up.

00:38:31.000 Now you got me thinking about fights in supermarkets.

00:38:34.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:38:35.000 Yeah, man.

00:38:36.000 There's no weight classes in supermarkets.

00:38:38.000 No weight classes.

00:38:38.000 I remember a few years ago, this dude was talking about jumping on...

00:38:41.000 He was one of the running backs.

00:38:44.000 And I asked him, they were the same size physically.

00:38:47.000 I was like, you really think you could beat that guy?

00:38:49.000 He's like, we're the same size.

00:38:51.000 I said, yeah, but I've seen him run over five guys his size.

00:38:54.000 I've never seen you run over nothing.

00:38:57.000 You have a hard time going up the steps.

00:38:59.000 You want to mess with this boy?

00:39:01.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:39:02.000 You're the same size, but you don't need the same thing, man.

00:39:05.000 Yeah, people don't understand a super athlete.

00:39:08.000 That's why we have the ability to buck our eyes.

00:39:12.000 To express that.

00:39:14.000 To express that when you get surprised. 1.00

00:39:16.000 Oh, shit! 1.00

00:39:19.000 I didn't mean it. 1.00

00:39:21.000 I wasn't practicing.

00:39:22.000 Exactly. 1.00

00:39:23.000 Yeah, you can't hang out with dudes that talk shit. 1.00

00:39:26.000 Nope. 1.00

00:39:26.000 Talk shit about how they fight Mike Tyson. 1.00

00:39:29.000 Those guys are useless. 1.00

00:39:31.000 I'm telling you, if you come around me and talk about who you can whip, because a lot of my friends are friends, and I see them in the room, I'm not just letting them know how you feel. 0.99

00:39:40.000 That's how I roll. 0.98

00:39:41.000 That was the funniest fucking moment. 0.99

00:39:42.000 I'm going to let them know how you feel. 0.98

00:39:44.000 It was me, Brad Blackburn, Maury Smith, and one other...

00:39:51.000 Oh, Ivan Salivari.

00:39:52.000 All UFC fighters or kickboxers.

00:39:56.000 And we're all out at a restaurant.

00:39:58.000 And Charlie is convincing everybody that...

00:40:02.000 The ridge hand, that y'all are sleeping on the ridge hand.

00:40:06.000 And he was talking about the Chicago ridge hand, the different types of ridge hands.

00:40:12.000 And they were laughing.

00:40:13.000 They were trying to say, yeah, yeah, yeah. 1.00

00:40:15.000 But Charlie stuck his fucking guns. 0.99

00:40:17.000 You know who used the ridge hand was the Iceman in one of the very first UFC joints. 1.00

00:40:23.000 My man Chuck Liddell knocked out Yarbrough with a ridge hand.

00:40:27.000 Chuck Liddell never fought Yarbrough.

00:40:29.000 He fought some big game dude.

00:40:30.000 Keith Hackney fought Yarbrough.

00:40:32.000 And I was like, yo.

00:40:32.000 Yeah, he did though.

00:40:33.000 He hit him with an open palm strike to the head too.

00:40:38.000 He hit him with a bunch of different things.

00:40:39.000 And I was like, yo.

00:40:41.000 But I would never use...

00:40:42.000 See, open palm strike.

00:40:47.000 That even sounds like it's just gonna...

00:40:50.000 Yo, but listen though.

00:40:51.000 Who just executed a beautiful open palm strike?

00:40:55.000 National television.

00:40:56.000 We all give a round of applause right now.

00:40:58.000 The wife of Rupert Murdoch.

00:41:00.000 Let's give a round of applause.

00:41:02.000 What happened?

00:41:02.000 Rupert Murdoch's wife, man.

00:41:04.000 What happened?

00:41:05.000 You just see the press conference when Rupert Murdoch was getting interviewed and this dude tried to come in with the pie and hit him from the side and his wife came out with the open-hand palm strike and broke his nose, man.

00:41:14.000 Whoa! 0.71

00:41:15.000 His wife is young.

00:41:17.000 She's not old like him.

00:41:18.000 She's in her 30s, man.

00:41:20.000 Look at him.

00:41:20.000 She didn't even hesitate.

00:41:21.000 30-year-old pizza ass. 1.00

00:41:23.000 Fight for him. 1.00

00:41:25.000 Break noses for him. 0.97

00:41:27.000 Broke his nose, man.

00:41:29.000 Rupert Murdoch, you know, despite of all evil intentions.

00:41:32.000 And she's beautiful.

00:41:32.000 And she's hot.

00:41:33.000 He's a bad motherfucker. 1.00

00:41:35.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00

00:41:35.000 I mean, that guy's got a lot of power in this world. 1.00

00:41:38.000 And a beautiful wife that can kick your ass, man. 1.00

00:41:41.000 That's incredible. 1.00

00:41:42.000 That's what you can say.

00:41:43.000 You got it all.

00:41:43.000 You can tell your wife, you go take care of that guy.

00:41:47.000 She comes over.

00:41:49.000 That's how she knows martial arts, by the way. 1.00

00:41:51.000 She went straight with the palm here.

00:41:53.000 Straight.

00:41:54.000 Right to the nose, man.

00:41:56.000 She beats you up with yoga. 1.00

00:41:58.000 No, she came with it, man.

00:42:01.000 What an old school move, though.

00:42:02.000 Hitting somebody with a pie.

00:42:06.000 What was so funny about the whole thing is not long before that, we were just talking.

00:42:12.000 We were like, what is the defense with that?

00:42:14.000 Right.

00:42:15.000 And Charlie's like, wow, wow.

00:42:15.000 Ask Joe first.

00:42:17.000 Okay, let's ask Joe.

00:42:18.000 If you was doing something live and somebody did that to you, would you laugh it off?

00:42:24.000 It really depends.

00:42:25.000 It depends on if I felt malice from them, if I felt like they hated me, if I felt like they were laughing at me.

00:42:33.000 They try to embarrass you. 0.99

00:42:34.000 Yeah, but people try to embarrass people just because they're idiots and they want attention. 1.00

00:42:38.000 It would all depend entirely on the moment, but I would hope that I wouldn't do anything stupid. 1.00

00:42:43.000 Alright, so I said, my answer was I would whip the person's ass, right? 1.00

00:42:47.000 That's something stupid. 1.00

00:42:48.000 This is what he pointed out. 1.00

00:42:50.000 He said, remember this, Charlie.

00:42:53.000 Once the pie is on your face, whatever you do after that, you're doing it with pie on your face.

00:43:02.000 It makes it instant comedy. 0.99

00:43:04.000 If you whip the guy's ass all over the room, you got pie. 0.99

00:43:07.000 To me, it would depend on the pie. 0.99

00:43:14.000 Yeah, it could be delicious pie.

00:43:16.000 It was like, what?

00:43:16.000 Is that lemon meringue?

00:43:17.000 Fuck yeah. 0.99

00:43:18.000 Thank you, sir. 1.00

00:43:18.000 Are you going to get in the face with lemon meringue pie, son? 1.00

00:43:21.000 It's going to happen. 1.00

00:43:22.000 I'll whip your ass. 1.00

00:43:24.000 You'll be fighting with pie in your face. 1.00

00:43:26.000 You'll be angry. 1.00

00:43:29.000 Just like there's a lot of dummies that will look at a guy like Mike Tyson and really think that they can kick his ass. 0.99

00:43:34.000 There are people that look at a guy like you, like on stage, and they get upset at you for some reason. 0.99

00:43:39.000 They get upset at you for getting that attention.

00:43:41.000 They get upset at you.

00:43:42.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:43:43.000 They feel like they should be getting what you have.

00:43:45.000 I thank God that every time one of them have stepped up, I had a baseball bat of jokes.

00:43:52.000 You know, my reaction was always right on time, laser sharp, and they was burnt out of the audience like a cigarette.

00:44:01.000 But, you know, he's been there to witness it.

00:44:03.000 And I've been there to witness you doing it.

00:44:05.000 I think you're one of the best I've ever seen do it.

00:44:08.000 You inspired me.

00:44:09.000 When I seen how deep you took it, I was like, well, I could go much harder than I've been going on.

00:44:15.000 Joe is telling this person, man.

00:44:17.000 Wow!

00:44:18.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:44:19.000 I see you evaporate people.

00:44:21.000 That told me that it's something that you definitely got to have as part of your game.

00:44:26.000 If you're going to be standing up on the stage talking to people, you have to have the ability to do that.

00:44:33.000 If it comes up, you got to shoot them down and keep it moving.

00:44:35.000 You can't be haggling with them because that's going to break the whole continuity of the show up.

00:44:40.000 The guys that can just hit them with the hammer and keep it moving are the best, man.

00:44:44.000 It's an unfortunate side effect of comedy, but we started out, Freeze and I were fucking comedy store veterans, man, and that was a place that nobody patrolled.

00:44:53.000 There was no manager shushing the room. 0.99

00:44:56.000 The comedy store was run by the guy on stage, and occasionally dudes got kicked out because the comic would go, just get these fucking people out of here. 1.00

00:45:04.000 God damn! 0.99

00:45:05.000 It would get to the point where you had to kick them out before the show couldn't go on. 0.99

00:45:10.000 But there was always something there.

00:45:12.000 That place was always drama.

00:45:14.000 I've had glasses thrown at me on stage there.

00:45:17.000 It was wild.

00:45:19.000 Remember when Holtzman got knocked out by Martin Lawrence's bodyguard?

00:45:23.000 We were just talking about that. 0.99

00:45:25.000 God damn. 1.00

00:45:26.000 That place was chaos. 1.00

00:45:28.000 I remember Eddie Griffin.

00:45:30.000 We were in the main room.

00:45:32.000 We had a show.

00:45:33.000 It was Martin Luther King's birthday.

00:45:35.000 And after the show, this was when a DJ came on.

00:45:41.000 This is the first time I heard the song "No Vaseline" by Ice.

00:45:45.000 You remember that?

00:45:46.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:45:46.000 And the DJ played it, and Dr. Dre and all of the dog pound.

00:45:49.000 And it was about Dr. Dre.

00:45:51.000 Yeah, they were all there.

00:45:52.000 And Dre went up on stage and snatched the record off the turntable and snapped it in half.

00:45:58.000 And that kicked off a riot. 0.74

00:46:01.000 Tretch was in there.

00:46:02.000 Tupac was in there.

00:46:03.000 Tretch had that big chain with the padlock on it.

00:46:06.000 He was swinging that over his head.

00:46:08.000 Oh my god.

00:46:09.000 All of this went on in the main room on Martin Luther King's birthday.

00:46:13.000 Wow.

00:46:14.000 I remember that. 1.00

00:46:16.000 Holy shit. 1.00

00:46:17.000 That place was fucking crazy, man. 1.00

00:46:20.000 His last wife, Flynn... 1.00

00:46:22.000 Richard Pryor's last one.

00:46:23.000 Oh, yeah, yeah.

00:46:25.000 I've seen the wettest woman out there. 1.00

00:46:27.000 At the Comedy Store?

00:46:28.000 Comedy Store.

00:46:28.000 I was in the parking lot.

00:46:29.000 Richard Pryor was performing that night, and she was standing by the back door, and this other chick came around and was getting ready to come up. 1.00

00:46:37.000 They knew each other, obviously.

00:46:39.000 She said to that other chick, didn't I tell you not to come to no more than Richard's show?

00:46:45.000 Every time she hit her, another piece of jewelry came off.

00:46:48.000 So when she got finished, all of this woman's rings and necklaces and everything and her wig was laying on the floor.

00:46:56.000 Wow.

00:46:57.000 And they was dragging her away, man.

00:46:59.000 And then Richard Pryor went on stage and did 20 minutes on what just happened.

00:47:05.000 Classics, man.

00:47:06.000 Took it straight to the stage.

00:47:07.000 He went right on the stage with it?

00:47:08.000 Took it straight to the stage.

00:47:09.000 Oh, man.

00:47:10.000 What year was this?

00:47:11.000 That had to be in the 80s, man.

00:47:13.000 You know, like, 89, 90, something like that. 0.98

00:47:15.000 Could you imagine if you fucking videotaped that? 0.97

00:47:18.000 It was a long time ago. 0.99

00:47:18.000 Wow. 0.99

00:47:19.000 Could you imagine if you had a videotape of that?

00:47:20.000 No one was expecting that.

00:47:21.000 That was, like, on the moment.

00:47:22.000 She said, didn't I tell you nothing to come to them one of the richest shows?

00:47:26.000 How beautiful would that video be? 0.69

00:47:28.000 To watch that, watch the ass kicking, to Pryor walking on stage, to Pryor talking about the ass kicking. 0.61

00:47:34.000 The pre-show, you don't want to miss it. 0.89

00:47:37.000 I performed with...

00:47:41.000 He did 20 minutes on just having outside.

00:47:43.000 I performed with Richard Pryor for a few weeks, right at the end, right when he stopped performing.

00:47:51.000 When he was in a wheelchair, remember they used to carry him on stage?

00:47:54.000 Yeah, in the OR room.

00:47:55.000 I had to go on after him for weeks, for weeks when he did that.

00:48:00.000 That was the only spot Mitzi always gave me, right after Richard Pryor.

00:48:04.000 Why are you going after Richard, Joe? 1.00

00:48:06.000 You would eat dick like no other time. 1.00

00:48:10.000 It was sad. 1.00

00:48:12.000 It was sad watching Richard.

00:48:14.000 It was cool because once Richard would open his mouth...

00:48:20.000 It was him.

00:48:20.000 I mean, you know, you could tell that he's...

00:48:23.000 And then it was a weird effect because you'd be like, oh, yo, he's still there.

00:48:28.000 He's still in there.

00:48:29.000 But then you would be like, wait a minute.

00:48:31.000 He's in there.

00:48:32.000 That's his body now.

00:48:34.000 And that's what he's kind of...

00:48:36.000 It seemed like...

00:48:37.000 He was more in prison after you heard him do stand-up.

00:48:41.000 Because it was a realization, like, this is a man who has his wits but does not have his motor skills and his functions, his bodily functions, too.

00:48:53.000 To match up with his wit.

00:48:55.000 Right, right, right.

00:48:56.000 And that was, that just was, even though he was funny, even though he was sharp, that just, it was sad.

00:49:02.000 Yeah, he would, it seemed to me like there was a, there was a disconnect, too, towards the end.

00:49:06.000 I don't think he was completely lucid.

00:49:08.000 So when he would go on stage and talk about things, like, they didn't always make sense, and, you know, it was, it was, it was, he was dying, you know, and Joe Rogan!

00:49:27.000 Joe Rogan!

00:49:41.000 On Fox TV, please welcome Joe Rogan.

00:49:44.000 You go on stage and you have to do stand-up.

00:49:47.000 And it takes at least four or five minutes to get him out of the room.

00:49:51.000 Because they're walking with him out of the room.

00:49:53.000 Because he can't really walk.

00:49:55.000 So they have to carry him and walk with him really slowly.

00:49:58.000 And everybody's clapping and standing.

00:50:00.000 Like a war veteran just got off stage.

00:50:04.000 That's who did just get off stage.

00:50:07.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:50:08.000 It's a good one, yeah.

00:50:08.000 Definitely, man.

00:50:09.000 Yeah.

00:50:10.000 I've seen that type of, you know, that working spirit in other artists, too, like Sammy Davis Jr. The last film he ever did was...

00:50:21.000 The kid who loves Christmas.

00:50:23.000 And I would happen to be in that movie, and that's when he was dying.

00:50:26.000 And I wouldn't have came to work, but he was there every day, you know?

00:50:31.000 Wow.

00:50:31.000 He died like a week or two after we finished shooting.

00:50:35.000 He was advanced cancer, but he just came to work anyway, man.

00:50:38.000 Well, that's how Patrick Swayze did it, too, right?

00:50:41.000 He's coming to work anyway.

00:50:41.000 Yeah, I guess why not?

00:50:42.000 Fuck it. 1.00

00:50:43.000 Just go out doing what you like doing. 1.00

00:50:45.000 You think that's what Steve Jobs is doing?

00:50:46.000 Do you think that's why he stepped down today?

00:50:48.000 Yeah.

00:50:49.000 Do you know that?

00:50:50.000 Steve Jobs stepped down from Apple today.

00:50:52.000 I hope it doesn't change.

00:50:54.000 Well, I don't know, man.

00:50:55.000 Dude has, like, he had pancreatic cancer, didn't he?

00:50:58.000 Or liver cancer?

00:50:59.000 Something crazy?

00:51:00.000 He had to get a liver transplant from fighting the cancer.

00:51:03.000 Wasn't that what it was?

00:51:04.000 Yeah, but you think... 0.96

00:51:04.000 The liver got fucked up from the chemo or something? 0.96

00:51:06.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:51:06.000 I think he would magic Johnson that shit quickly. 1.00

00:51:09.000 He would pay for it and it would be done. 1.00

00:51:11.000 What do you think he could do?

00:51:12.000 He just has all the money in the world.

00:51:17.000 That's just to show you that there really isn't any help for cancer.

00:51:22.000 You can fix AIDS, but cancer, you can't stop it, no matter how much money you have.

00:51:27.000 I think some people have a genetic inclination.

00:51:30.000 They can just get it.

00:51:30.000 They just have bad genetics.

00:51:32.000 They're most likely going to die of cancer young.

00:51:35.000 That's very possible.

00:51:36.000 But there's also a thing to be said for a guy who works as hard as Steve Jobs. 1.00

00:51:40.000 That shit is just not healthy. 0.99

00:51:42.000 You're hitting that red line all the time. 1.00

00:51:45.000 That's true. 1.00

00:51:46.000 Your fucking engine is constantly going, man. 1.00

00:51:49.000 I don't think that's healthy. 1.00

00:51:52.000 It can be.

00:51:54.000 It's not fun.

00:51:55.000 If it's not fun, it's not healthy.

00:51:56.000 It's that simple.

00:51:57.000 Dude, you're a billionaire, son.

00:51:59.000 And it's like, yo, you have done it, dude.

00:52:02.000 You can relax.

00:52:04.000 You really can.

00:52:04.000 Eat some cookies, watch some TV. Yeah, he's got to eat oatmeal cookies with maple sugar.

00:52:12.000 He's got some serious issues with his health. 1.00

00:52:15.000 He's pretty fucked up. 0.99

00:52:17.000 You know, I don't know how much of that's genetic. 1.00

00:52:19.000 I don't know about that argument, you know, how much it's genetic, how much of it's...

00:52:22.000 Well, I think a lot of it has to do with diet, man, you know?

00:52:26.000 Genetics, diet, all that, you know?

00:52:28.000 And stress in your environment.

00:52:30.000 A lot of executives, like Hollywood executives, a lot of those older guys, they start getting really sick.

00:52:36.000 And I think a lot of it is just the pressure, you know? 0.97

00:52:39.000 I knew this one guy, fucking, he used to work for my ex-girlfriend, or my ex-girlfriend used to work for him, rather. 0.96

00:52:45.000 Really nice guy. 0.98

00:52:46.000 Just 50 years old.

00:52:48.000 Had cancer, you know, out of nowhere.

00:52:51.000 And he was dead within weeks.

00:52:53.000 And it was just the weirdest thing ever.

00:52:55.000 He just seemed like this nice guy.

00:52:56.000 Like, hey, Bob, what's going on?

00:52:57.000 Nice to see you.

00:52:58.000 He's always laughing and joking around.

00:53:00.000 And then, boom! 0.98

00:53:02.000 Whatever it was, just hit him and hit him quick.

00:53:04.000 And all of a sudden, he's gone. 0.96

00:53:06.000 They killed my father and my wife.

00:53:09.000 But both of them, it was like, you know, they got sick.

00:53:14.000 They went to the doctor, they was diagnosed, they went into treatment, and they passed away.

00:53:19.000 It wasn't like, you know, it was a long battle, you know?

00:53:23.000 Yeah, man.

00:53:24.000 And with both of them, like...

00:53:27.000 My dad, he smoked.

00:53:28.000 But when he was young, he was an athlete.

00:53:32.000 My wife didn't smoke, didn't drink, didn't do drugs, worked out, drank water every day, didn't eat meat. 0.99

00:53:41.000 None of that.

00:53:42.000 But still, she passed away before she was 40. It was diagnosed six months after my daughter was born.

00:53:51.000 Because we don't have to keep going for follow-up check-ups, then boom, you got cancer.

00:53:56.000 Yeah, man.

00:53:56.000 So it's very deadly, and its origins are a mystery.

00:54:02.000 Because it could be what you eat, it could be it's in your family, or it could just be you or your personality.

00:54:10.000 You're a very tense person, and you create it within yourself, man.

00:54:15.000 It's deep.

00:54:16.000 Very scary disease, man.

00:54:18.000 Yeah, imbalance is a frightening thing when it comes to your health, you know, when it really could be terminal, like you could have terminal imbalance. 1.00

00:54:26.000 You could get your whole system so fucked up from thinking the wrong way, doing the wrong way, eating the wrong way, treating your body like shit, treating people like shit, and then next thing you know it. 0.98

00:54:38.000 Holding on to anger, all of that kind of stuff, holding grudges, all of that stuff, it has to manifest some way. 1.00

00:54:45.000 Resolving a grudge is one of the best feelings ever.

00:54:48.000 When you're cool with somebody, when you weren't cool with them, and then all of a sudden you're cool with them, it's a nice feeling.

00:54:54.000 As a human being, it's a good feeling.

00:54:59.000 Almost definitely. 0.99

00:55:00.000 Yeah, but keeping one and just thinking about this motherfucker, if I see this... 1.00

00:55:04.000 Just hold it on to shit like that. 1.00

00:55:05.000 Going over fake arguments in your head. 1.00

00:55:07.000 If he says this, I'm going to say that.

00:55:09.000 What if he does this?

00:55:10.000 I had to actually learn it.

00:55:11.000 For a long time in my life, I had to learn it.

00:55:15.000 Don't keep grudges.

00:55:17.000 Don't dwell on negative.

00:55:18.000 I had to learn it.

00:55:20.000 Yeah, and you want to be hard. 1.00

00:55:21.000 You want to tell them to fuck themselves for life, bitch. 1.00

00:55:24.000 I was reading on Twitter the other day and somebody quoted a quote from Mandela and he said, resentment is like drinking a bottle of poison to kill your enemy. 1.00

00:55:42.000 Whoa.

00:55:43.000 That's deep.

00:55:44.000 That is deep.

00:55:45.000 It is true, too. 0.97

00:55:47.000 Yeah.

00:55:47.000 It's almost like you've got to figure out a way to make people that you hate, people that annoy you, people that only become a source of positivity to you.

00:56:00.000 Right.

00:56:01.000 Figure out a way to, no matter how cunty somebody gets with you, never let it affect you. 0.93

00:56:06.000 Only take it as a source of inspiration.

00:56:09.000 You know what's made me better with that?

00:56:10.000 Twitter has made me better with that. 0.99

00:56:12.000 Because there's constantly assholes. 0.99

00:56:14.000 You can't see and you can't wrap your hands around it. 1.00

00:56:19.000 Does that drive you nuts when people talk shit to you? 1.00

00:56:22.000 Yeah, man. 1.00

00:56:23.000 I've gotten into it with a few people.

00:56:24.000 Then I realize you can fool yourself.

00:56:26.000 Going back and forth with this person, man.

00:56:28.000 They're probably playing right now.

00:56:29.000 Of course they are.

00:56:30.000 They got you lit up.

00:56:31.000 And the other thing, like you said, you explained to me, you said, yo, don't forget. 0.99

00:56:36.000 Look, somebody says some real smart alecky or some bullshit to you. 0.95

00:56:41.000 And then you look and they got like seven followers. 0.94

00:56:44.000 But you retweeted what they said and what you're going to do to them.

00:56:47.000 Now a hundred thousand people is reading it.

00:56:49.000 Now a hundred thousand people.

00:56:51.000 I'm reading it.

00:56:52.000 Now they want to know what's going on.

00:56:54.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:56:55.000 The best thing to do is just don't even respond.

00:56:58.000 Yeah, you can't...

00:56:59.000 Block.

00:56:59.000 Yeah, just block them.

00:57:00.000 That's what I do.

00:57:01.000 I go block crazy every day.

00:57:02.000 Yeah, I just block them. 1.00

00:57:04.000 People want to talk a lot of shit. 1.00

00:57:05.000 They want to be angry, man. 1.00

00:57:06.000 It's like, you could choose to focus...

00:57:08.000 What you choose to put on that Twitter is a direct reflection of you as a human being.

00:57:12.000 When you send out there, that's you, man.

00:57:15.000 And if you get cunty, I don't need you in there. 1.00

00:57:18.000 I don't need you in the mix.

00:57:20.000 Right.

00:57:20.000 Put that block on you.

00:57:21.000 You take care.

00:57:22.000 I think if you want to talk to me that way, we should meet somewhere.

00:57:29.000 Do you know how to get to the dock?

00:57:35.000 It's funny how many people out there looking to find somebody to hate.

00:57:38.000 That's a lot.

00:57:39.000 A lot of people, man.

00:57:40.000 A lot of people looking for you to stumble. 1.00

00:57:42.000 So they get point fingers and you go fuck yourself. 1.00

00:57:46.000 They want to do that. 1.00

00:57:47.000 They want to, you know, I don't know.

00:57:48.000 I guess it's people feel a lot of times that if you're failing...

00:57:53.000 Then that makes them doing good.

00:57:55.000 Better, yeah.

00:57:55.000 I'm doing good.

00:57:56.000 I'm not finished.

00:57:57.000 See, look, look, look.

00:57:58.000 Look, they're failing!

00:57:59.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:58:00.000 They're failing.

00:58:01.000 Yeah.

00:58:01.000 Yeah, that's the worst.

00:58:02.000 I'm happy to see them fail that piece of shit. 1.00

00:58:04.000 You're like, man, you don't even know that dude. 1.00

00:58:06.000 You don't even know this dude.

00:58:06.000 Never even met that dude.

00:58:08.000 I'm glad it's not the opposite.

00:58:09.000 I would hate to have everyone try to kiss you all the time, like write you nice little love letters every day.

00:58:14.000 I just want to tell you, your eyes look great today.

00:58:16.000 Who do you think would be the most annoying to be? 0.98

00:58:19.000 In that respect.

00:58:20.000 Either one of them, man.

00:58:22.000 He can tell you, I broke up with this girl once for asking me, am I okay?

00:58:26.000 Are you okay?

00:58:27.000 She just kept saying it.

00:58:28.000 Oh, really?

00:58:29.000 Are you okay?

00:58:32.000 Yeah, baby, I'm fine, I'm fine.

00:58:34.000 Why don't you go get something to eat?

00:58:35.000 She come back, are you okay?

00:58:38.000 Yeah, I'm okay.

00:58:40.000 20 minutes later, and then they even noticed it.

00:58:43.000 So I finally said to her, look, I'm a grown man.

00:58:46.000 Why do you keep asking me am I okay?

00:58:48.000 Say it how you said it.

00:58:49.000 Say it how you said it. 1.00

00:58:50.000 Look, bitch, I'm okay! 1.00

00:58:55.000 What did you say? 1.00

00:58:58.000 What really? 1.00

00:59:00.000 Look, bitch, I'm okay! 1.00

00:59:02.000 I'm a grown man. 1.00

00:59:03.000 If I wasn't okay, do you think I'd come to you?

00:59:06.000 Do you think I would come to you for assistance?

00:59:09.000 You could really help me with my problems!

00:59:11.000 Is that what you said to her?

00:59:12.000 Yep.

00:59:12.000 I said, never ask me if I'm okay again.

00:59:14.000 Do you understand?

00:59:15.000 Are you okay?

00:59:19.000 Maybe she just wanted to talk but wasn't a good sentence starter.

00:59:23.000 She had a problem, man.

00:59:26.000 She had a problem.

00:59:27.000 She had problems with... 0.56

00:59:29.000 It was weird.

00:59:31.000 She was really whipped, I guess that's the way to put it. 1.00

00:59:33.000 She was dick whipped? 1.00

00:59:34.000 To the point where it was irritating? 1.00

00:59:36.000 He just broke her down.

00:59:37.000 To the point she was asking her, we don't care.

00:59:40.000 You guys... 1.00

00:59:43.000 Damn. 1.00

00:59:44.000 What's wrong with this chick, man? 1.00

00:59:45.000 Wow.

00:59:46.000 You don't want that to be the effect, though.

00:59:48.000 You don't want somebody to, you know...

00:59:49.000 That's too much.

00:59:51.000 She was just too into you? 1.00

00:59:53.000 Yeah, man.

00:59:54.000 Somebody could be too into you.

00:59:55.000 You know what I mean?

00:59:56.000 It's irritating.

00:59:57.000 Come on, man.

00:59:57.000 Back up, man.

00:59:59.000 I don't know, man.

01:00:00.000 That sounds pretty good to me.

01:00:02.000 Nah.

01:00:03.000 Nah.

01:00:03.000 I just need a few of them.

01:00:05.000 You have to experience this.

01:00:06.000 Nah.

01:00:07.000 Nah.

01:00:07.000 I felt sorry for the dude.

01:00:09.000 You felt sorry because she liked me too much.

01:00:10.000 I come out the room, she's pacing in the hallway in front of my door or whatever.

01:00:14.000 What are you doing here?

01:00:15.000 At your beck and call.

01:00:16.000 I came to see if you're okay.

01:00:17.000 I came to see if you're okay.

01:00:19.000 Was she hot? 1.00

01:00:21.000 Was she hot? 1.00

01:00:21.000 She was nice looking, but that made her ugly, man. 1.00

01:00:24.000 All your okay stuff. 0.90

01:00:25.000 She did it to the point where it was like, look, I'm avoiding you at all costs.

01:00:28.000 And did you ever tell her, stop asking?

01:00:30.000 Yes, several times.

01:00:31.000 And she wouldn't stop? 0.71

01:00:32.000 She couldn't stop.

01:00:32.000 What was the issue?

01:00:34.000 She crazy? 0.98

01:00:34.000 She was... 0.98

01:00:36.000 A little bit.

01:00:37.000 She's a little...

01:00:38.000 She said, I'm obsessed with you.

01:00:40.000 I was like, well, that means that you should go talk to a psychiatrist.

01:00:43.000 If you're obsessed with anyone, you shouldn't be dealing with them no more.

01:00:47.000 That's not part of a healthy relationship.

01:00:50.000 Obsession.

01:00:51.000 What caused the obsession?

01:00:53.000 I don't know, man.

01:00:54.000 Some people... 1.00

01:00:55.000 Did you just fuck the shit out of her? 1.00

01:00:57.000 Probably did. 1.00

01:00:58.000 You know what I'm saying?

01:00:58.000 You must have.

01:00:59.000 You must have just fucked the shit out of this girl. 1.00

01:01:03.000 You broke her, dude. 1.00

01:01:04.000 You broke her to the point where she was waiting outside your door like a dog.

01:01:09.000 Are you okay?

01:01:10.000 Am I okay?

01:01:12.000 She's like a bloodhound for you. 1.00

01:01:15.000 You okay? 1.00

01:01:18.000 How many times did you have to fuck her before you broke her? 1.00

01:01:23.000 Once. 1.00

01:01:23.000 Are you okay? 1.00

01:01:24.000 Started from the first session.

01:01:28.000 Are you okay?

01:01:29.000 I was like, am I okay?

01:01:31.000 Are you okay?

01:01:32.000 Charlie Murphy.

01:01:39.000 Are you okay?

01:01:40.000 Breaking girls' wills. 1.00

01:01:42.000 I must crush you. 0.99

01:01:44.000 Charlie did a Murphy. 0.97

01:01:46.000 I'm going to tell you something.

01:01:46.000 I'm tired of being single, man.

01:01:48.000 Charlie did a Murphy?

01:01:50.000 Charlie did a movie that I thought was the same name as The Coconut Water, isn't it?

01:01:55.000 Oh yeah, it's Cookout 2. CO2. Alright.

01:01:58.000 Cookout 2, yeah.

01:01:59.000 Yeah, with Mike Tyson, right?

01:02:00.000 Mike Tyson's in the scene of the movie, yeah, yeah.

01:02:03.000 I'm in it too.

01:02:04.000 He's in it.

01:02:04.000 Freeze is in it.

01:02:05.000 When's that coming out?

01:02:06.000 Is that you guys from that last year?

01:02:08.000 Two years ago.

01:02:10.000 Two years ago?

01:02:10.000 Two years ago in Miami, yeah.

01:02:12.000 But I don't know when it's coming out, because that dude, Jimmy Henchman, is, you know...

01:02:16.000 I told the shot camera, I told him when he was coming out in Miami, he said he was going to do a screening.

01:02:20.000 Oh, okay.

01:02:21.000 One of the producers got, you know, put away, so I don't know what's...

01:02:25.000 The wonderful other movies.

01:02:26.000 You know what I mean?

01:02:27.000 It's a funky world, man.

01:02:29.000 Movies are funny.

01:02:31.000 My best thrill was the fact that I had to...

01:02:34.000 A chance to work with Mike.

01:02:35.000 I knew Mike Tyson before he was the champ.

01:02:38.000 You know what I'm saying?

01:02:38.000 So I seen the whole journey from the guy who was a regular dude that was scared and all these people were around him and telling him, you could do this, and he did it, and he became this bigger-than-life person all the way to the end to now the person that he is now.

01:02:57.000 Because if you see Mike now, Mike got his shit together. 0.83

01:02:59.000 You know what I'm saying? 0.99

01:03:00.000 He's not...

01:03:01.000 Nobody can say, oh yeah, he's out of control.

01:03:02.000 He's not out of control.

01:03:03.000 He's a married dude.

01:03:04.000 He's calm.

01:03:05.000 He's polite to people.

01:03:06.000 He doesn't get in trouble no more.

01:03:08.000 Laughing.

01:03:09.000 Laughing.

01:03:10.000 It's funny.

01:03:11.000 It's a dude, man.

01:03:11.000 It's interesting.

01:03:12.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:03:12.000 He got his shit together now, man. 0.99

01:03:14.000 So I feel good about that. 0.99

01:03:15.000 I got to work with him in that movie.

01:03:17.000 That was a good feeling, man, because I hadn't seen him in years.

01:03:20.000 I seen him, and when I did see him, he was back.

01:03:24.000 You know what I'm saying?

01:03:24.000 You've seen that documentary?

01:03:26.000 Yeah, I've seen the documentary. 0.98

01:03:27.000 How fucking powerful was that? 0.98

01:03:29.000 With the birds. 0.98

01:03:30.000 If you've never seen that Tyson documentary, is it just called Tyson?

01:03:32.000 What is it called?

01:03:33.000 I think extremely powerful.

01:03:34.000 You see a man cry. 0.99

01:03:35.000 It is fucking incredible. 0.99

01:03:37.000 Cry when he reflects on parts of his life. 0.99

01:03:39.000 A strong man like that, you have to realize that whatever was on him was no joke.

01:03:44.000 Yeah, it's incredible.

01:03:45.000 That's a man who one time I went to his house, And it was six limos and nobody would get out the limo.

01:03:52.000 I said, how come nobody's getting out the car?

01:03:54.000 They said, you don't see that line standing over there?

01:03:58.000 Mike Tyson had a line in his front yard.

01:04:01.000 Like hangover style.

01:04:02.000 That's the only man whose house I ever went over.

01:04:04.000 There was a line in the front yard, loose.

01:04:07.000 Wow.

01:04:08.000 He was on the steps like this with a heavyweight belt.

01:04:12.000 What?

01:04:14.000 How come nobody wants to get out the car and play with my cat?

01:04:17.000 He's like, no, man, no, that's not a cat.

01:04:20.000 That's a lion. 0.99

01:04:21.000 That's fucking real? 0.99

01:04:22.000 Mike Tyson had a lion. 1.00

01:04:24.000 A male lion or a female lion?

01:04:26.000 That's awesome.

01:04:26.000 With a mane, a lion in his front yard.

01:04:29.000 Loose. 1.00

01:04:29.000 Oh, shit. 1.00

01:04:29.000 Shit. 1.00

01:04:30.000 It was off the leash, man. 1.00

01:04:32.000 It was not in a cage.

01:04:33.000 It was in the yard.

01:04:35.000 Oh, my God.

01:04:36.000 Then he came out and started wrestling with him.

01:04:38.000 Oh, my God. 0.99

01:04:40.000 Damn, he wrestled? 0.99

01:04:41.000 How big was the lion? 1.00

01:04:42.000 It was big, man.

01:04:43.000 It was a lion, man.

01:04:44.000 He was wrestling with a lion.

01:04:46.000 Came over there and grabbed him and started tussling with him and all that.

01:04:48.000 Jesus Christ.

01:04:49.000 And everybody was in the limousine, so the lion could come up to a limousine and bust the window open and come in there.

01:04:54.000 I'm sorry.

01:04:55.000 Easy.

01:04:55.000 He could just go like this, boof, and come right in there and just have lunch.

01:04:58.000 So everybody was in the car.

01:05:00.000 You couldn't back out because it was all like five limos.

01:05:02.000 So everybody's in the car horrified, thinking that Mike is getting ready to be eaten by this lion, but that doesn't happen.

01:05:08.000 He plays with him and he takes him in the back.

01:05:11.000 Comes back out and I was like, you know what?

01:05:14.000 I'm never going to be around another man in life that's going to do that behind me.

01:05:20.000 You know what I'm saying?

01:05:22.000 Because to me, Mike Tyson is not a lion team.

01:05:24.000 You ever hear about Mike working in Vegas?

01:05:26.000 No, he's just a team of lions.

01:05:27.000 He had one in his front yard, man.

01:05:30.000 And he had other cats there, too.

01:05:33.000 Bieber would never have a lion, and he'd be like to chills all the way or something.

01:05:37.000 How come you guys left waiting for my cats?

01:05:40.000 Because we've seen Wild Kingdom, Mike.

01:05:42.000 We've seen them eat wildebeest. 0.99

01:05:44.000 The Mike Tyson story is such a classic fucking story, too. 1.00

01:05:47.000 Yeah, man. 1.00

01:05:48.000 It goes from being poor to being intensely rich.

01:05:51.000 Intensely rich.

01:05:52.000 And the focus of attention of literally every person on the planet.

01:05:56.000 When he was at his peak, man, in the late 80s, God.

01:06:00.000 When he beat Michael Spinks...

01:06:02.000 Crazy.

01:06:02.000 Jesus Christ.

01:06:04.000 I don't even think people today...

01:06:05.000 When he had the billboard of Sunset, Iron Mike, and his face was made of iron...

01:06:09.000 I don't remember that.

01:06:11.000 It was the strongest billboard on Sensei.

01:06:13.000 Really?

01:06:14.000 It's an iron Mike.

01:06:15.000 His face was made of iron.

01:06:17.000 It was just Mike's face.

01:06:19.000 Awesome, awesome billboard.

01:06:21.000 The years, like the Bruce Seldon years, where Bruce Seldon, he missed him with a left hook and Seldon's knees buckled.

01:06:29.000 He got up and just said, what am I doing getting up?

01:06:31.000 He knew better.

01:06:33.000 He was a destroyer.

01:06:35.000 There's no fighter out there right now, I think, that has captured the attention since him.

01:06:42.000 Not like him.

01:06:42.000 Not like him since him.

01:06:44.000 People don't understand.

01:06:44.000 He was Michael Jackson.

01:06:45.000 I'm going to tell you who would be captured if he was American. 0.95

01:06:48.000 Pacquiao.

01:06:48.000 Yeah, if you look at the sheer numbers between how he was and Tyson was, he's probably right up there with Tyson right now, huh?

01:07:00.000 Close.

01:07:02.000 Definitely close.

01:07:04.000 Especially in...

01:07:06.000 Asia.

01:07:07.000 I mean...

01:07:07.000 He's the real Bruce Lee right now, man.

01:07:10.000 In LA. You go to Wild Card Boxing, where he trains, people sit out there and wait for him.

01:07:15.000 They wait to find out what time Manny's going to be there.

01:07:17.000 There's a whole crowd of people there.

01:07:19.000 I did this thing with Daniel Tosh for Tosh's TV show where Tosh gets punched in the head by Manny Pacquiao.

01:07:25.000 What?

01:07:25.000 He let Pacquiao punch him.

01:07:27.000 Pacquiao's very nice.

01:07:29.000 He's very nice.

01:07:30.000 He's just like barely tapping him.

01:07:32.000 We had to do it a little harder to make it realistic so he could put a little pop into it.

01:07:36.000 But it was nothing.

01:07:37.000 It was very nice.

01:07:38.000 But every business in that whole complex has Manny's pictures up and Manny's signed things and he's got boxing gloves on and pictures of him eating in this restaurant that's right there.

01:07:48.000 That's cool.

01:07:48.000 Yeah, it's like there's a huge He's like a superstar.

01:07:54.000 He's at the peak.

01:07:55.000 He deserves it, man.

01:07:55.000 Oh, yeah.

01:07:56.000 And he's such a nice guy.

01:07:57.000 Who do you think is going to win between Ortiz and Mayweather?

01:08:00.000 That's a good question.

01:08:00.000 I was going to bring that up when we were talking about Tyson because I was watching this thing on Victor Ortiz and he was talking about his childhood.

01:08:06.000 I was watching it right before he came over.

01:08:06.000 Oh, he had it rough, man.

01:08:07.000 He had it rough, baby.

01:08:08.000 His mother, when he was 12 years old, or when he was 7 years old, or 6 or 7, his mother just left.

01:08:13.000 Just took off.

01:08:14.000 Never came back. 0.99

01:08:15.000 So he was only raised by his dad, and his dad just beat the shit out of them, hit them with sticks, hit them with anything, and then when they were 12, his dad left. 0.99

01:08:23.000 So it's him and his fucking brother like wild dogs at 12 years old taking care of themselves. 1.00

01:08:28.000 Right. 1.00

01:08:29.000 Scary shit, man. 1.00

01:08:30.000 Like, they had nothing. 1.00

01:08:32.000 They had nothing.

01:08:33.000 Real fighters.

01:08:34.000 Yeah.

01:08:35.000 And, you know, to come from that, man, there's a certain amount of resolve that that kid's going to have that the average person is not going to have. 0.95

01:08:41.000 But is that going to be enough to deal with Floyd motherfucking Mayweather, dude? 0.96

01:08:44.000 Yeah, man. 0.98

01:08:45.000 Floyd Mayweather is an artist.

01:08:48.000 Love him or hate him for his personality and the way he attracts fans and the way he gets flamboyant and crazy.

01:08:55.000 Skillfully, forget all that. 1.00

01:08:57.000 Skillfully, he's a fucking master boxer. 0.99

01:09:00.000 He's a master. 0.99

01:09:01.000 He's very rarely in any trouble.

01:09:02.000 He gets hit, he can take a shot.

01:09:04.000 Shane Mosley banged him. 0.96

01:09:05.000 Shane Mosley would stop anybody else in the division with that shot.

01:09:08.000 It would stop.

01:09:09.000 They wouldn't have been able to recover the way Mayweather did everything perfect.

01:09:13.000 He tied him up, he recovered, and then he took his time before he jumped back on him, and it was beautiful, man.

01:09:19.000 He's very, very technical.

01:09:22.000 He's technically perfect.

01:09:24.000 He makes these little short movements and throws guys off, little quarter turns and shots from different angles that you expect, and he gets through.

01:09:32.000 He finds out where you're going to step, and then he's waiting for you before you do it.

01:09:36.000 He sorts you out, man.

01:09:38.000 He's a real...

01:09:39.000 He's a real technical boxer.

01:09:40.000 That's why I think what's going to happen with him and Ortiz is going the distance.

01:09:46.000 It's going to be bloody.

01:09:47.000 You think so?

01:09:48.000 Ortiz is not letting him beat him.

01:09:50.000 He's coming to fight, man. 0.54

01:09:52.000 He's going to have to get beat. 0.75

01:09:53.000 Yeah.

01:09:55.000 It's going to be a good fight for Mayweather.

01:09:56.000 I think Mayweather's going to win, but he's going to have to beat Mayweather to beat him.

01:10:00.000 He ain't going to be able to come in and have the night off.

01:10:02.000 Right.

01:10:03.000 That dude is the real deal.

01:10:04.000 I get props.

01:10:05.000 He beat my friend Andre.

01:10:06.000 That's a good friend of mine, Andre Berto.

01:10:09.000 That was a great fight.

01:10:10.000 That was a great fight.

01:10:11.000 But it showed me that this dude is no joke.

01:10:15.000 No joke.

01:10:15.000 Andre Berto, that shot he dropped him with, anybody else don't get up.

01:10:19.000 Yeah.

01:10:20.000 That guy got back up and then put him down.

01:10:23.000 Yeah.

01:10:23.000 Off of that.

01:10:24.000 So when I put you down, I wasn't even at 100%.

01:10:27.000 I'm drunk when I do that.

01:10:29.000 Right.

01:10:29.000 And not too many fighters can pull that trigger.

01:10:32.000 Be on the ground like that and get up and put the other guy down?

01:10:35.000 How often do you see that happen?

01:10:37.000 He's definitely a blood and guts type fighter.

01:10:40.000 He throws himself into danger.

01:10:42.000 So that's going to be a good fight for Mayweather.

01:10:43.000 He had that one fight where he quit.

01:10:45.000 And ever since that one fight, he's felt terrible about that.

01:10:49.000 He was losing his fight and he got dropped and he just called the referee off and quit.

01:10:54.000 And people really heavily criticize his heart. 0.97

01:10:57.000 But what it was was he wasn't 100% focused on either his training or fighting itself or the consequences of losing or whatever the fuck it was. 0.94

01:11:07.000 He came into a fight out of shape. 0.99

01:11:09.000 And that's some shit that happens. 1.00

01:11:11.000 That's some shit that young guys will do, man. 1.00

01:11:13.000 They'll fuck up and they'll have a bad camp or they needed to learn something or they needed to be pushed and broken to rebuild and come back again. 1.00

01:11:21.000 So ever since that fight, he's been a fucking monster. 1.00

01:11:24.000 That Berto fight was insane. 0.99

01:11:26.000 Because I thought Berto was, like, the next challenger to Mayweather.

01:11:29.000 I said, like, this guy's so technical.

01:11:31.000 But Berto is as well.

01:11:32.000 But Berto got a fight coming up September 3rd.

01:11:35.000 He got a fight coming up September 3rd.

01:11:36.000 He's a real accurate puncher, too.

01:11:38.000 That guy's a sniper.

01:11:39.000 Yeah, he's nice. 1.00

01:11:40.000 Yeah, he's a bad motherfucker. 1.00

01:11:41.000 I thought he was going to be the next guy. 1.00

01:11:42.000 When Ortiz beat him, I was blown away.

01:11:45.000 That kid's tough.

01:11:46.000 And he got a lot better.

01:11:47.000 He got a lot better from that one fight.

01:11:49.000 You can tell the one fight where he quit, from then on, his dedication has obviously been way more focused.

01:11:55.000 Way more, yeah.

01:11:56.000 And now with the way he beat Berto, what that does for your confidence is...

01:12:02.000 Yeah.

01:12:03.000 It's going to be much more than if he just came in and stopped him early.

01:12:07.000 It's that he had a grueling contest with this man and came out on top.

01:12:12.000 So that really does a lot for him.

01:12:15.000 Do you think that there's any way that Mayweather is going to be rusty?

01:12:18.000 Because he keeps taking these year and a half breaks, two year breaks, in between fights.

01:12:23.000 Well, I think the reason why he's doing that is because of his hands.

01:12:26.000 You know what I'm saying?

01:12:27.000 He lets his hands get a good time between fights to heal up.

01:12:31.000 He's older.

01:12:32.000 You know what I'm saying?

01:12:32.000 They break really easy, right?

01:12:34.000 He's broken them a few times.

01:12:34.000 A lot of problems with his hands.

01:12:36.000 So he's preserving his hands, yeah.

01:12:38.000 But he still trains like a dog.

01:12:40.000 Around the clock he's training.

01:12:43.000 Whether he's got a fight coming up or not, it's his lifestyle.

01:12:46.000 So I don't think he's rusty at all.

01:12:48.000 So you think he just constantly stays home?

01:12:50.000 He constantly brings him in. 1.00

01:12:51.000 He whips guys' asses every week, man. 0.99

01:12:54.000 Whether he's got a fight coming up or not. 0.99

01:12:56.000 Really?

01:12:57.000 Yeah.

01:12:57.000 The guys come into the gym.

01:13:00.000 Light him up.

01:13:01.000 He works out.

01:13:02.000 He's always in shape.

01:13:03.000 He doesn't get in shape during camp.

01:13:06.000 He's already in shape when he gets there.

01:13:08.000 They showed his training camp.

01:13:11.000 They showed him hitting the pads.

01:13:12.000 Yeah. 0.98

01:13:13.000 It's ridiculous, man. 0.93

01:13:15.000 Nobody hits the pads like he does, too. 0.96

01:13:17.000 And a lot of it is just...

01:13:18.000 Just combinations. 1.00

01:13:23.000 And you just watch the fucking combinations. 1.00

01:13:26.000 Arms don't get tight. 1.00

01:13:27.000 It's just relaxed and everything's flowing.

01:13:30.000 I'm just showing up at the jump rope. 0.94

01:13:32.000 Yeah, it's ridiculous. 0.84

01:13:33.000 The jump rope routine is insane. 0.94

01:13:36.000 Well, he's a master.

01:13:37.000 He does it from a standing position?

01:13:41.000 Yeah.

01:13:41.000 He doesn't take much punishment, man.

01:13:43.000 He's a guy who's been a boxer for a long time, and he looks perfect.

01:13:47.000 There's nothing wrong with him.

01:13:48.000 He's got no scars.

01:13:49.000 He's not busted up.

01:13:50.000 What is that, Mike Tyson with his lion?

01:13:51.000 Mike Tyson with his lion just rustling around with it and stuff like that.

01:13:55.000 In the video?

01:13:55.000 Oh, that's the...

01:13:56.000 You know I didn't make that up.

01:13:57.000 19-year-old, 20-year-old Mike Tyson right there.

01:14:00.000 Let's look at this right here.

01:14:01.000 That's the Mike Tyson.

01:14:02.000 Oh my god! 1.00

01:14:04.000 He's got a fucking tiger. 1.00

01:14:07.000 He has a lion tooth bigger than that, but he had one in it. 1.00

01:14:10.000 Oh my god.

01:14:12.000 How could that end well?

01:14:16.000 It doesn't end well.

01:14:17.000 If you keep them long enough, it doesn't end well. 0.81

01:14:19.000 They always kill you, right?

01:14:20.000 Eventually, yeah. 0.99

01:14:21.000 Come on, man.

01:14:22.000 They might not even do it on purpose, Joe. 0.97

01:14:25.000 They kill you by accident.

01:14:26.000 Yeah, well, isn't that what happened with Siegfried and Roy? 1.00

01:14:29.000 Yeah, they could play with you and kill you. 0.78

01:14:31.000 Siegfried and Roy, that guy got killed by accident. 1.00

01:14:33.000 With one slap.

01:14:33.000 Like, one little playful slap took off the side of his face.

01:14:37.000 Well, he didn't actually die, right?

01:14:38.000 He just got really badly, badly wounded.

01:14:41.000 And what happened was they think that the tiger got confused because a woman had feathers in her hair, like some crazy peacock feathers, and they think the tiger might have freaked out and thought that was an animal, so grabbed him to rescue him, to pull him away from that.

01:14:55.000 He got Joan Rivered. 0.95

01:14:57.000 The tiger looked at that feather thing and thought it was one of those fucking beasts from Avatar or something. 1.00

01:15:02.000 Yeah! 0.99

01:15:03.000 He's just gonna pop out of the audience. 0.96

01:15:05.000 Who in the hell is that? 0.96

01:15:06.000 A man-eating toucan. 0.99

01:15:08.000 Grabbed him by his neck and just dragged him off.

01:15:11.000 Jesus Christ.

01:15:13.000 Wow. 1.00

01:15:14.000 What does that feel like when you hear your bones or your neck snapping and crackling inside the maw of this fucking enormous beast? 0.99

01:15:21.000 At that point your brain is saying, this was a tiger and you were in here with it. 0.99

01:15:27.000 Right.

01:15:28.000 That's when reality is crashing.

01:15:31.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 0.99

01:15:33.000 Like, what the fuck was I thinking? 0.99

01:15:35.000 Right, right. 0.99

01:15:35.000 It's a tiger. 0.99

01:15:37.000 It's hard for us to really wrap our heads around the fact that shit like that really exists. 0.99

01:15:41.000 The tigers and bears and... 1.00

01:15:43.000 Right.

01:15:44.000 Did you hear about that lady in Russia that got eaten by a bear while she was calling her mother on the phone?

01:15:48.000 What? 1.00

01:15:49.000 The fucking... 1.00

01:15:50.000 Bears don't kill you, man. 1.00

01:15:51.000 They just start eating you.

01:15:52.000 That's one of the things about bear attacks.

01:15:54.000 They broke into a house and started eating?

01:15:55.000 No, they were hiking.

01:15:56.000 Her and her stepfather were hiking.

01:15:58.000 And they killed her stepfather first.

01:16:00.000 And she got to her cell phone.

01:16:01.000 And she's calling the cell phone. 1.00

01:16:03.000 She's calling her mother while this fucking bear is eating her leg. 1.00

01:16:07.000 The bear is eating her leg. 1.00

01:16:08.000 And she's screaming and screaming. 0.95

01:16:11.000 And the phone call, she called her like three times over a period of an hour while this bear was eating her alive.

01:16:18.000 Where was this?

01:16:19.000 You can get this on the internet?

01:16:20.000 It was in Russia.

01:16:21.000 Can you hear the audio online?

01:16:23.000 Brian.

01:16:23.000 I missed the first part.

01:16:25.000 No, there was a woman. 0.71

01:16:26.000 There was a woman who got eaten. 1.00

01:16:28.000 She kept calling her mother while she was being eaten.

01:16:32.000 I thought it was an audio clip.

01:16:33.000 No, no.

01:16:33.000 There's no audio clip.

01:16:34.000 That would be the worst audio clip ever.

01:16:36.000 They found the body.

01:16:37.000 They found the dude dead.

01:16:39.000 The bear was eating the guy when they got there.

01:16:41.000 The girl had died from her injuries.

01:16:44.000 Was it a Russian black bear?

01:16:46.000 He's a Russian grizzly bear.

01:16:47.000 Russian grizzly bear.

01:16:48.000 I believe he's a grizzly bear.

01:16:50.000 I think that's what the article I wrote said.

01:16:53.000 But, you know, any kind of bear will kill you.

01:16:55.000 I don't see how these people be going up in these areas where that's possible and nobody has a gun with you.

01:16:59.000 You know what I mean?

01:17:00.000 Well, even if you have a gun, you better have a really big one.

01:17:03.000 You got to bet a really big one if you see a grizzly bear.

01:17:05.000 A regular gun might not be good enough.

01:17:07.000 What about his mouth? 0.95

01:17:08.000 Might not be good enough. 1.00

01:17:09.000 So even if you bang me, I'm going to blow your teeth out. 0.98

01:17:11.000 Yeah, maybe. 1.00

01:17:12.000 You see you bang me after I put a full fifth in your mouth.

01:17:15.000 What about a koala? 1.00

01:17:15.000 Blow up the roof of your mouth. 1.00

01:17:17.000 Koala bears are vicious if you're a female koala bear. 1.00

01:17:19.000 I'll beat the crap out of a koala bear. 1.00

01:17:21.000 You will? 1.00

01:17:21.000 You'll fuck up a koala bear? 1.00

01:17:23.000 What is this, a fat cat? 1.00

01:17:27.000 They got sharp claws. 0.81

01:17:28.000 Here's the move.

01:17:29.000 A koala bear is on the move.

01:17:30.000 He's headed towards you.

01:17:31.000 What's your first step? 0.98

01:17:32.000 Kicking him. 0.99

01:17:33.000 Drop kicking him. 1.00

01:17:34.000 Oh, yeah. 0.96

01:17:35.000 You should probably punt him.

01:17:36.000 Yeah, he's short.

01:17:37.000 Yeah, punt him. 0.97

01:17:38.000 Yeah, you'd have to kick him. 0.98

01:17:39.000 Right into a eucalyptus. 1.00

01:17:42.000 And you got to hope that he doesn't somehow or another time you lifting the foot up and just run right up your pants and bite your dick. 1.00

01:17:48.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:17:49.000 As you go to swing, you're just a little off timing and scurries up your leg and right onto your dick. 1.00

01:17:57.000 Because they only eat eucalyptus. 1.00

01:17:59.000 That's it?

01:18:00.000 That's all they eat, yeah. 0.99

01:18:01.000 I believe koala bears rape the fuck out of female koala bears. 1.00

01:18:06.000 So they have to be strong and they have to have a good bite if they can pull that off. 0.99

01:18:09.000 I might have made that up. 0.99

01:18:10.000 Aim for the balls. 1.00

01:18:12.000 I think you're thinking of Tasmanian devils. 1.00

01:18:15.000 They're rapists, yeah. 0.99

01:18:16.000 They're not real. 0.99

01:18:17.000 Tasmanian devils was a...

01:18:18.000 That's a real animal.

01:18:19.000 No, it's a real animal.

01:18:20.000 It did exist.

01:18:20.000 It's a real animal.

01:18:21.000 Yeah, it does exist.

01:18:22.000 Oh, no, I'm thinking the Tasmanian tiger.

01:18:24.000 Tasmanian tiger did exist.

01:18:25.000 It was in Australia, but they went extinct.

01:18:28.000 But the Tasmanian devil is a real animal.

01:18:30.000 What is it? 0.74

01:18:30.000 It looks like a little rat family type thing. 0.74

01:18:33.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:18:34.000 They rape the female. 1.00

01:18:36.000 That's how they breed. 1.00

01:18:37.000 Half their body, but half of their body... 1.00

01:18:38.000 Straight up, rape, man. 0.95

01:18:40.000 Half of their body is, I think, like a little bit over half of their body is jaw muscle. 1.00

01:18:47.000 God damn! 0.99

01:18:49.000 They're just basically a mouth walking around, and they fight from birth till death. 1.00

01:18:55.000 They fight when they make love, they fight when they're born, they fight, they constantly fight.

01:19:00.000 How big are they?

01:19:01.000 They're big.

01:19:02.000 Now, that's something that would, like, get a hold of your foot when you try to kick it.

01:19:06.000 Yeah.

01:19:07.000 Yeah.

01:19:07.000 You wouldn't want to kick that.

01:19:08.000 Whoa! 0.99

01:19:09.000 They're ugly, man. 0.99

01:19:10.000 Oh, my God. 1.00

01:19:11.000 Look at the images of this motherfucker. 1.00

01:19:13.000 And they yelled constantly. 1.00

01:19:14.000 Holy shit. 1.00

01:19:16.000 That's like a crazy cartoon pedo bear face. 1.00

01:19:19.000 Yeah, it's like vampire bears. 0.77

01:19:21.000 Look at this thing.

01:19:22.000 It's like rat bears.

01:19:23.000 Right, man.

01:19:24.000 Look at that thing. 0.92

01:19:25.000 Wow. 1.00

01:19:26.000 They will fuck you up, too. 1.00

01:19:28.000 Very ugly. 1.00

01:19:28.000 No jokes. 1.00

01:19:29.000 Well, if you look like that, you should be angry. 0.99

01:19:32.000 That's one ugly animal. 0.99

01:19:34.000 Yeah, those little, there's like a few of these little type of crazy animals that scare the shit out of me, you know, of different species like wolverines and like honey badgers and shit like that. 0.99

01:19:46.000 They scare the fuck out of me, man, because they're only, they might only be like 15, 20 pounds, but they'll kill you. 0.98

01:19:51.000 They got a low sight of gravity, man. 0.99

01:19:53.000 They're like stingrays of the forest.

01:19:55.000 Dude, they'll...

01:19:56.000 Don't kill you. 0.63

01:19:57.000 A honey badger would kill a person. 0.74

01:19:59.000 A honey badger?

01:20:00.000 You just need some time, yeah.

01:20:01.000 I've never even seen any.

01:20:03.000 You've never heard of a honey badger?

01:20:04.000 You talk about them in one sentence, but then you watch these...

01:20:10.000 These shows about dogs, different breeds of dogs.

01:20:13.000 There's a badger, the honey badger you're talking about.

01:20:17.000 There's a terrier who specializes in him.

01:20:20.000 And killing the honey badger?

01:20:21.000 They come with like 30 of these dogs. 0.97

01:20:23.000 He may kill like the first five. 0.98

01:20:25.000 Jesus Christ! 1.00

01:20:26.000 When they come, they go into his den.

01:20:28.000 They go in there and bring him out.

01:20:30.000 Oh my God!

01:20:31.000 A Paterdale Terrier.

01:20:34.000 They go into his den and bring him out.

01:20:37.000 Paterdale Terrier is a no joke.

01:20:38.000 He may kill the first four or five that come in there, but the other ones are not affected by the death of their comrades.

01:20:46.000 He's like a real live Bruce Lee.

01:20:50.000 Yeah.

01:20:50.000 That honey badger.

01:20:51.000 All these dogs are coming in. 1.00

01:20:52.000 He's just fucking them up, left and right. 1.00

01:20:54.000 Taking them out. 1.00

01:20:56.000 They drag him out.

01:20:57.000 They label the honey badger.

01:20:59.000 This is the most fearless animal on earth.

01:21:02.000 That's what they say about the honey badgers. 0.99

01:21:04.000 Yeah, they don't give a fuck. 1.00

01:21:07.000 There's videos online that say honey badgers doesn't give a fuck. 1.00

01:21:11.000 And it's like all these videos of honey badgers eating cobras, chasing anything that's in front of them. 0.99

01:21:16.000 They kill poison snakes all day.

01:21:18.000 They're just too fast.

01:21:19.000 They just sneak up behind a snake, bite them in the head, and sometimes they get bit, they get hit by the venom, and you know what happens?

01:21:25.000 They fall asleep, and they wake up an hour later, and then they eat the snake.

01:21:28.000 Wait, don't you He's gonna kill me? 0.94

01:21:29.000 He blacked out from venom and his little crazy murderous body processed the venom and he got up like he was drunk and just started eating that snake again. 1.00

01:21:38.000 Snake bit him with its poison and the poison didn't do shit but make him take a fucking nap. 1.00

01:21:42.000 Wow. 1.00

01:21:43.000 Honey badgers must be from Brooklyn, right?

01:21:45.000 I can just imagine if they could talk they'd have a Brooklyn accent.

01:21:48.000 Honey Badgers don't even speak, bro.

01:21:50.000 There's no need for language in their thinking.

01:21:52.000 They're thinking.

01:21:53.000 There's no variables in their thinking.

01:21:55.000 You don't need language.

01:21:56.000 I guess you don't. 1.00

01:21:57.000 It's just, fuck, kill, sleep. 1.00

01:21:59.000 That's what the Honey Badger... 1.00

01:22:00.000 Fuck, wake up, do it again. 1.00

01:22:02.000 You just realize how weak we are, man. 1.00

01:22:04.000 We're so fleshy and...

01:22:06.000 Tissue, like...

01:22:07.000 Just nothing.

01:22:08.000 Did you see Planet of the Apes?

01:22:09.000 Yeah, I see Planet of the Apes, man.

01:22:11.000 Did you like it?

01:22:13.000 You laughed.

01:22:14.000 You laughed?

01:22:14.000 It was funny.

01:22:15.000 It was...

01:22:16.000 It was...

01:22:17.000 I went to see Planet of the Apes because I was like, I know there's going to be some material.

01:22:21.000 I love the gas can scene.

01:22:25.000 When he came up.

01:22:26.000 Oh, when he let the girl out.

01:22:29.000 When it was like some real prison stuff.

01:22:31.000 Yeah.

01:22:31.000 Was it me or was it Monkey doing a Levi's jeans commercial at the end of the movie?

01:22:37.000 The very last scene.

01:22:39.000 When he was standing on the branch overlooking San Francisco with that pose he had.

01:22:42.000 I was like, that's not a chimp pose, man. 0.68

01:22:45.000 That's a man's pose.

01:22:46.000 It's like he's selling some jeans or...

01:22:49.000 Shirts, Dockers or something.

01:22:51.000 The way he was standing there, he had his hand up.

01:22:53.000 He was really sexy.

01:22:55.000 Yeah, sexy. 0.97

01:22:55.000 He was a sexy monkey. 0.97

01:22:56.000 Looking at the Golden Gate Bridge and all that. 1.00

01:22:59.000 I was like, look at this shit, man. 1.00

01:23:00.000 It tripped me out. 1.00

01:23:01.000 It was weird when it was like, am I a pet?

01:23:04.000 Sexy monkey.

01:23:05.000 Yeah, am I a pet? 1.00

01:23:07.000 Yes, you're a monkey, motherfucker. 1.00

01:23:09.000 But he wasn't. 1.00

01:23:10.000 That was the whole thing.

01:23:11.000 But he was.

01:23:12.000 But he wasn't.

01:23:13.000 But he was a supercharged super monkey, man.

01:23:15.000 He was the monkey smartest people.

01:23:16.000 Yeah. 0.56

01:23:17.000 He was the alien monkey.

01:23:18.000 Yeah, he was. 0.99

01:23:19.000 I just, I'm down for any movie where champs fuck people up. 1.00

01:23:22.000 I love watching chimps. 0.99

01:23:24.000 I love the way they move, man. 0.99

01:23:25.000 It's fucking shocking. 0.99

01:23:27.000 You ever watch any of those things where they would teach chimps how to sign their own names? 0.99

01:23:32.000 And they could teach them how to spell things, and when they would spell it correctly, they would get candy.

01:23:37.000 So they'd learn how to spell certain things and point certain things out.

01:23:40.000 And this one chimp, they would let him into the cage. 1.00

01:23:42.000 And the first thing they have to do is establish dominance. 0.99

01:23:45.000 So as soon as you open this thing up, he's a big, fucking, fully grown, like, eight-year-old male. 0.99

01:23:50.000 So he comes in and just starts... 1.00

01:23:52.000 Fucking throwing himself through the air. 1.00

01:23:54.000 He's like a buck sixty, a buck seventy. 1.00

01:23:57.000 Just hurls himself through the air. 0.54

01:23:59.000 Catches the cage.

01:24:01.000 Rattling the cage back and forth.

01:24:03.000 Hurls himself through the air.

01:24:04.000 Catching bars.

01:24:05.000 And you just look at the strength that he displays.

01:24:09.000 You watch it happen.

01:24:10.000 You watch him throw his body around and just realize what he could do to you.

01:24:15.000 And then he sits down.

01:24:17.000 And then he'll play with you.

01:24:19.000 And then he puts his things out, takes his candy, eats it. 0.99

01:24:24.000 But he just wants to let you know what the fuck he could do. 0.99

01:24:26.000 I'm just letting you know. 0.99

01:24:28.000 This is me. 0.69

01:24:28.000 If I get tired of eating these sunflower seeds or candy or whatever, I could come over there and just smack you around. 0.69

01:24:34.000 I thought Planet of the Apes was good.

01:24:36.000 I didn't think it was that funny.

01:24:38.000 I thought it was funny.

01:24:39.000 I liked it, man.

01:24:41.000 I liked it.

01:24:42.000 The gas can.

01:24:43.000 Come on, man.

01:24:43.000 It was pretty funny.

01:24:44.000 I loved the gorilla.

01:24:46.000 The gorilla.

01:24:46.000 He was smart.

01:24:48.000 He let the muscle out.

01:24:49.000 Right there.

01:24:50.000 Isn't it funny?

01:24:51.000 I heard Final Destination.

01:24:52.000 That new movie has the best 3D yet. 1.00

01:24:55.000 I ain't seen that stupid movie. 1.00

01:24:56.000 For 3D to read. 1.00

01:24:57.000 I do not want to see a movie where there's a bunch of people just dying.

01:25:00.000 Yeah.

01:25:00.000 I never got it with that movie.

01:25:02.000 Yeah.

01:25:03.000 Did you ever see the old ones though?

01:25:04.000 Like that highway scene where the semis are going like...

01:25:07.000 I can respect.

01:25:09.000 It's like a crazy car accident.

01:25:10.000 It's pretty cool. 0.94

01:25:10.000 It's not like a fucking awesome movie, but it's a fun movie, I guess. 0.94

01:25:14.000 I don't have that kind of free time. 0.96

01:25:16.000 It's like the show A Thousand Ways to Die.

01:25:19.000 No, no, no.

01:25:20.000 That show's kind of funny.

01:25:22.000 I watched that show.

01:25:23.000 That show's funny.

01:25:23.000 That show's hilarious.

01:25:24.000 The problem with these Final Destination movies to me is like, oh, he's getting acupuncture.

01:25:29.000 How's it going to be?

01:25:30.000 Oh, now he's dead.

01:25:31.000 I respect the special effects, but... 1.00

01:25:33.000 Other than that, it's like, what, am I just watching a bunch of people die because of some stupid curse?

01:25:37.000 This new one has a bridge that's collapsing, like it's broken in the middle, and it's during rush hour, and it's just like the car's skidding in, and it's just all in 3D. Wow. 0.93

01:25:47.000 So that part's cool?

01:25:47.000 I'm sure.

01:25:48.000 But you haven't seen it?

01:25:49.000 That's what I've been told.

01:25:50.000 Oh, okay. 1.00

01:25:51.000 It's saying it's like awesome 3D if you like that shit. 1.00

01:25:53.000 Oh, okay. 0.99

01:25:54.000 Yeah, I'm not into movies just for 3D. I saw Conan, and it wasn't 3D. How was that?

01:25:59.000 It sucks. 1.00

01:26:01.000 Of course it sucks. 1.00

01:26:02.000 And it's awesome, and it sucks at the same time. 0.99

01:26:05.000 Because here's the deal.

01:26:06.000 The dude is the perfect Conan.

01:26:07.000 Like, physically, the way he looks, he looks just like Conan.

01:26:10.000 I mean, he could easily be Conan, like, right out of the Robert E. Howard books.

01:26:13.000 So you got that, and then you got...

01:26:16.000 Did you hear my kids screaming in the background?

01:26:17.000 Yeah.

01:26:18.000 I need a studio. 0.92

01:26:19.000 This is ridiculous. 0.87

01:26:21.000 Look out there. 0.97

01:26:21.000 It's like an echo, though. 0.97

01:26:22.000 Throw some man shit down. 1.00

01:26:25.000 Hey, they run that. 1.00

01:26:26.000 It's their house, man.

01:26:27.000 Anyway, the dude was...

01:26:29.000 We're just kidding, folks.

01:26:31.000 Don't get crazy out there.

01:26:34.000 The books were...

01:26:36.000 But it had no story.

01:26:38.000 It was awesome in the beginning when he was a kid.

01:26:40.000 He was a badass kid, killing everybody, and it was awesome.

01:26:43.000 And then it got lame, and then it got awesome again.

01:26:45.000 There was a couple fights.

01:26:46.000 It was pretty awesome.

01:26:47.000 And then it got lame again.

01:26:48.000 It was awesome and lame.

01:26:50.000 But they needed somebody while they were making that movie to be in the room with them going, What?

01:26:53.000 What?

01:26:54.000 You're going to do what?

01:26:55.000 They need a company that does that. 0.99

01:26:58.000 Really?

01:26:59.000 I want to be that company.

01:27:00.000 We should totally have that. 1.00

01:27:01.000 Me and my five friends be like, that's so dumb. 0.99

01:27:03.000 Why would you ever do that? 1.00

01:27:04.000 This is so fake.

01:27:05.000 I can fix Conan.

01:27:06.000 All I need is a three-day weekend and a lot of weed and some buddies that like those kind of movies. 0.99

01:27:13.000 And you can fucking figure that out. 0.97

01:27:15.000 You can figure out a way to end that. 1.00

01:27:16.000 We're going to smoke a ball and take over another army.

01:27:19.000 Yeah!

01:27:20.000 That was the other problem.

01:27:21.000 This dude, he sounded way too California.

01:27:24.000 He was like, there was times, like in deep battle, he was a great Conan.

01:27:28.000 When he was fighting things and killing and yelling and screaming, he was a great Conan. 0.98

01:27:32.000 But then he was sitting down and talking, it was like, alright dude, you need to work on your Conan voice, because this shit, you sound like some dude I would meet at Target. 0.84

01:27:40.000 It doesn't sound like someone who came from that era at all. 0.99

01:27:43.000 Ugh.

01:27:43.000 I hate that.

01:27:45.000 That's like, okay, thanks for crashing me back into reality.

01:27:49.000 Conan is Arnold Schwarzenegger, point blank.

01:27:51.000 Yeah, exactly.

01:27:52.000 It's going to be hard to beat that, man.

01:27:54.000 Conan's voice sounds like this.

01:27:55.000 It's going to be hard to beat that, man.

01:27:57.000 The performance he put down, he captured it, man.

01:27:59.000 Well, he showed a certain intensity.

01:28:01.000 I mean, Arnold had, first of all, nobody's built like Arnold.

01:28:06.000 They're all going to look weak compared to how he looked when he was flinging around the sword.

01:28:11.000 You don't get a dude who's built like that.

01:28:13.000 I would see a remake with him now, would you?

01:28:15.000 Now?

01:28:16.000 Now.

01:28:16.000 He spent like a good hour prep for it.

01:28:19.000 An hour prep?

01:28:20.000 Yeah.

01:28:20.000 I mean, a year prep.

01:28:21.000 I'm going to tell you something.

01:28:22.000 If he went back to the gym, he probably could pull it off.

01:28:25.000 Schwarzenegger pulled off that last racquet.

01:28:27.000 I mean, Sylvester Stallone did?

01:28:29.000 Sylvester Stallone pulled that last racquet off.

01:28:30.000 Yeah, but Sylvester Stallone never really let himself go.

01:28:33.000 Arnold has clearly let himself go.

01:28:35.000 And he had a heart problem, too, right?

01:28:37.000 Didn't he have a heart surgery?

01:28:38.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, he did.

01:28:39.000 Okay, yeah.

01:28:40.000 Yeah, he probably can't juice up anymore.

01:28:41.000 At this point, Sylvester Stallone, the next movie he's going to make is Mrs. Doubtfire.

01:28:49.000 Sylvester Stallone?

01:28:50.000 You mean Schwarzenegger?

01:28:51.000 No, Schwarzenegger, yeah. 1.00

01:28:52.000 You have me confused as fuck. 1.00

01:28:53.000 Mrs. Doubtfire. 1.00

01:28:54.000 Mrs. Doubtfire.

01:28:55.000 This is the way I can see my kids.

01:28:57.000 He's a fascinating guy, isn't he?

01:28:59.000 Wow.

01:28:59.000 The guy who just bangs his maid and just shooting loads into his maid while he's the mayor.

01:29:03.000 For 10 years, right?

01:29:06.000 Yeah.

01:29:06.000 A decade.

01:29:07.000 He's just too raw.

01:29:09.000 A decade of...

01:29:10.000 Just be quiet about this.

01:29:16.000 Banging her all day at work. 0.52

01:29:18.000 This is the way you get your razor on here.

01:29:20.000 The governor loves you.

01:29:25.000 It's so weird, man.

01:29:26.000 Imagine that poor kid has to grow up knowing that, you know, the governor was just banging his mom and he had a real dad that he grew up with but that wasn't really his dad.

01:29:34.000 He looks just like Arnold. 0.99

01:29:36.000 That's got to be a mind-fucking-half, man. 0.96

01:29:39.000 But you should get in the bodybuilding. 0.94

01:29:40.000 Take advantage of that.

01:29:41.000 You got the same genes, man.

01:29:43.000 Go hard.

01:29:44.000 Now that you know who your father is, get down and go to the gym.

01:29:48.000 Because he has a different mother, he's not entitled to all that cash.

01:29:52.000 It's a totally different situation, right?

01:29:54.000 He gets taken care of.

01:29:56.000 Yeah, well, he has to pay child support, but I bet the kid's probably not in the will and all that good stuff.

01:30:03.000 Oh, yes, he is.

01:30:04.000 He can get in the will.

01:30:05.000 He can get in the will.

01:30:06.000 He was one of his offspring, man.

01:30:07.000 It's like this.

01:30:08.000 At this point, that kid can look at it as half empty or half full.

01:30:12.000 You're halfway in there, kid.

01:30:14.000 You're halfway in there.

01:30:17.000 You can make it work.

01:30:18.000 It's a fascinating thing, man.

01:30:19.000 I wonder how many kids Kennedy had on the side and nobody knew about him.

01:30:23.000 77. Think about back in those days, man.

01:30:26.000 They didn't have as many abortions. 1.00

01:30:28.000 A woman would go live with her mom. 1.00

01:30:30.000 I'm going to live in Worchester.

01:30:34.000 Worchester?

01:30:36.000 Worchester. 1.00

01:30:38.000 That's when you know this fucking podcast is falling off. 0.99

01:30:41.000 We can't even come up with a good comedy name for where this chick's living. 1.00

01:30:46.000 We peaked with the Honey Badger.

01:30:49.000 That was it.

01:30:50.000 The Honey Badger!

01:30:52.000 Charlie's checking his Twitter.

01:30:53.000 We're all falling asleep.

01:30:55.000 I'm just making sure.

01:30:57.000 It's almost nap time, Joe.

01:30:58.000 It's almost 8 p.m.

01:31:00.000 Listen, man.

01:31:01.000 What's the name of that club we're going to hit tonight?

01:31:05.000 1616. What's that?

01:31:07.000 It's a club in downtown LA. We're going to hit that.

01:31:10.000 It's at 1616. You doing comedy tonight?

01:31:13.000 Yeah.

01:31:14.000 Yeah, that's where you're doing it?

01:31:15.000 At this place?

01:31:15.000 Yeah, I'm going down there.

01:31:17.000 We started talking about it earlier when we got off the subject.

01:31:20.000 I was talking about how I've been here for six weeks, so that's why every week we go to the Laugh Factory, getting ready to go downtown.

01:31:29.000 I don't just sit back and go, okay, I'm doing a TV show, I'm making money, I'll do comedy when it's over, because I know that the comedy's going to suffer.

01:31:38.000 You know what I'm saying?

01:31:39.000 If you take eight weeks off and don't do no stand-up, There's no way when you go back eight weeks later, your next show is going to be as good as your last one.

01:31:48.000 You know what I mean?

01:31:49.000 It's true.

01:31:49.000 There's no way.

01:31:51.000 You've got to get all your feet back up under you again.

01:31:55.000 How many sets does it take you to get your feet back under you?

01:32:00.000 One.

01:32:00.000 It takes one.

01:32:01.000 One good one.

01:32:02.000 If I stay off the stage for like two weeks.

01:32:05.000 I never really stayed off more than two weeks.

01:32:06.000 Right.

01:32:07.000 I took a month off once.

01:32:09.000 That was the longest I ever took off.

01:32:10.000 It's a weird feeling, right?

01:32:11.000 It's weird.

01:32:12.000 You feel heart-fired.

01:32:13.000 As a matter of fact, last night when I went on at the Laugh Factory, that was the first time for me in three weeks.

01:32:19.000 And I told him on the way down, I said, yo, man...

01:32:24.000 I can't believe how much anxiety I feel right now.

01:32:26.000 I feel like I'm really scared right now.

01:32:29.000 I feel like I might get down there and go, I'm not going up!

01:32:33.000 You know what I'm saying?

01:32:34.000 But of course I went up, but that feeling was there, man, from just that going up for three weeks, man.

01:32:40.000 That's the number one enemy of comedy.

01:32:43.000 The worry.

01:32:44.000 The worry.

01:32:45.000 Especially if you go...

01:32:46.000 When we went to the last factory the week before that, seen three dynamite guys come in and blow it up.

01:32:53.000 And I was taking that week off.

01:32:55.000 So when I came back the next week, I'm like, you're going up, but...

01:32:59.000 You've seen the dudes that come through here.

01:33:01.000 There's not no slouches in here, man. 1.00

01:33:02.000 You know what I'm saying?

01:33:03.000 For the most part, you don't want to come up with the big, it's Charlie Murphy!

01:33:09.000 And then, you know, you ain't you.

01:33:12.000 Do you worry about that a lot?

01:33:13.000 Do you think about that?

01:33:14.000 Yeah, definitely.

01:33:16.000 So, like, especially coming into the game late with a very, very famous brother, too.

01:33:21.000 It's a lot of pressure.

01:33:22.000 You know, I don't want nobody to come say, oh, we've not seen him and he was nothing.

01:33:26.000 You know, I want you to say, I've seen him and, you know, the dude is working at his craft.

01:33:33.000 He's going hard at it.

01:33:34.000 I can see the work he puts in it, and he's funny.

01:33:37.000 So the only way I can try to have any play in that is to put the work in.

01:33:41.000 I can't force you to like me, but I can work hard.

01:33:45.000 But you're enjoying it too, right?

01:33:46.000 I'm loving it, man.

01:33:47.000 I'm loving it.

01:33:50.000 I'm loving it being a part of the community of comedians and everything, the whole experience.

01:33:55.000 It's great.

01:33:56.000 That is a big part of it. 0.96

01:33:58.000 The people that you meet, in my opinion, there are no dumb comedians. 0.88

01:34:04.000 To be a comedian, you have to have a certain level of intelligence. 0.99

01:34:07.000 There's very few comedians that I would go, that's a dumb guy. 0.95

01:34:11.000 Pretty smart people that you meet, you know, and the way they look at things is interesting, you know? 0.95

01:34:16.000 Yeah, well, if they're good, especially, you know, if they're bad, you could have a real issue.

01:34:21.000 I've seen a real smart...

01:34:22.000 What was that guy's name from South Africa the other night?

01:34:25.000 Ah, wow, I don't remember.

01:34:26.000 Trevor or something, yeah.

01:34:28.000 Smart.

01:34:28.000 This kid's from South Africa.

01:34:30.000 He's a very smart guy.

01:34:32.000 Smart, man.

01:34:33.000 Smart.

01:34:34.000 I love comedians like that.

01:34:36.000 You know what I'm saying?

01:34:37.000 Not taking this with you, but he said this.

01:34:39.000 He said, you know, I flew 20 hours here from South Africa.

01:34:43.000 I really had a hard time, and I did my research, and I didn't want to offend anyone.

01:34:47.000 I found this one organization called the Ku Klux Klan, a very racist organization, and it just baffled me that Ku Klux Klan actually means circle of brothers.

01:34:58.000 To be someone that hates black people, why would you call yourself the circle of brothers? 0.59

01:35:04.000 That was funny. 0.98

01:35:05.000 He broke the whole name down.

01:35:07.000 His name is Trevor something.

01:35:09.000 Trevor something.

01:35:10.000 He broke down what the Klux Klan meant.

01:35:13.000 He broke that part down of it.

01:35:15.000 He made it into a very funny joke.

01:35:17.000 Very funny.

01:35:18.000 He was talking about African Americans.

01:35:20.000 He said, even though they're not real Africans.

01:35:23.000 Right.

01:35:23.000 No one ever pointed that out before.

01:35:26.000 That's funny.

01:35:26.000 He was born here, you know what I'm saying?

01:35:27.000 Because he's from Africa. 0.99

01:35:28.000 Right.

01:35:29.000 So when he came and said that, it was hilarious.

01:35:31.000 Yeah, he said, I was watching all these films and trying to get all my black lingual, like, yo, B, what up?

01:35:38.000 And then the minute I got off the plane, everyone thought that I was a Mexican.

01:35:42.000 That's hilarious, man.

01:35:44.000 He's like a light-skinned South African dude.

01:35:47.000 That's funny.

01:35:48.000 Yeah, the dude is great, man.

01:35:49.000 He's good, dude.

01:35:49.000 I like seeing smart comedians, man.

01:35:52.000 You know, guys that actually took the time to think about what they're getting at.

01:35:56.000 Well, I think people in different countries are being exposed to stand-up they were never exposed to before the internet, too.

01:36:02.000 Right.

01:36:02.000 You know, your stand-up was pretty much what your culture was like.

01:36:05.000 The English people had their own sense of humor.

01:36:08.000 The Americans, different cities, we had our own different sense of humor.

01:36:11.000 But now, because of the internet, everyone's sense of humor gets distributed worldwide.

01:36:15.000 Right.

01:36:15.000 So people get influenced by all sorts of different artists from all over the place.

01:36:19.000 Let me tell you, the one thing I remember about you, it was when you used to do the Anna Nicole Smith stuff.

01:36:25.000 But the thing I remember is I never knew who she was before I heard your comedy on her.

01:36:33.000 I heard your comedy and went and sought this chick out. 1.00

01:36:37.000 Oh, that's funny.

01:36:38.000 You didn't know the whole story?

01:36:39.000 I didn't know anything about it.

01:36:41.000 This was way back in the day.

01:36:46.000 Oh, give me more.

01:36:47.000 Oh, dude.

01:36:48.000 And it was like, who is he talking about?

01:36:52.000 Why does stripper marry a billionaire? 1.00

01:36:54.000 What?

01:36:55.000 Yeah, there was no internet back then.

01:36:57.000 There was no internet.

01:36:57.000 We had to come get it from the horse's mouth.

01:37:01.000 That story was so awesome.

01:37:02.000 I mean, there was a hundred different comedians that had bits on that.

01:37:05.000 You couldn't pass it up.

01:37:06.000 Yeah, yours was classic.

01:37:07.000 Thanks, man.

01:37:08.000 It was fun.

01:37:09.000 Well, when something like that comes along for a comedian, some people go, oh, the world's falling apart.

01:37:14.000 A comedian looks at something like that and goes, oh, yeah, look what I got here.

01:37:18.000 Exactly.

01:37:18.000 I just found some money.

01:37:20.000 That's why I went to go see Planet of the Apes.

01:37:21.000 I was like, I know I'm getting a bit at it.

01:37:22.000 Yeah.

01:37:23.000 You can't go, though, thinking that way.

01:37:25.000 You gotta go and just enjoy it.

01:37:26.000 I ain't getting nothing out of it.

01:37:27.000 I was like...

01:37:27.000 There you go.

01:37:28.000 Man. 1.00

01:37:29.000 You could have just smoked up and had a good fucking time. 1.00

01:37:32.000 Like I did. 1.00

01:37:33.000 But there'll be another movie coming on.

01:37:35.000 They always write one.

01:37:37.000 They always write one where I sit down and watch it and go, okay...

01:37:41.000 Yeah, I couldn't do it myself.

01:37:42.000 You just gave me ten minutes.

01:37:43.000 Thank you very much. 0.84

01:37:44.000 I couldn't make a movie myself, but I'm fucking very critical. 0.88

01:37:48.000 You know, there's a lot of movies that just bore the shit out of me. 0.98

01:37:51.000 I can't do it myself. 0.95

01:37:53.000 I can't do it any better.

01:37:53.000 I just finished writing one.

01:37:54.000 Yeah?

01:37:54.000 I hope that's not boring to people.

01:37:56.000 You know, I wrote it for Paramount.

01:37:58.000 It's about...

01:37:59.000 The movie is about...

01:38:01.000 It's like a slasher movie, but it's a comedy.

01:38:04.000 Yeah.

01:38:04.000 It's a dark comedy about...

01:38:07.000 These two guys that used to be pimps, right?

01:38:09.000 It establishes them as pimps in the beginning of the movie.

01:38:12.000 And they get out of the pimping game because there's some gangster dudes that come to town and take over the whole industry.

01:38:20.000 The industry?

01:38:21.000 The pimp industry? 0.98

01:38:22.000 Pimping, gambling, whatever you're doing, these guys are gangsters. 1.00

01:38:24.000 They take over the whole shit. 1.00

01:38:26.000 So how are they doing? 0.99

01:38:27.000 These two pimps quit pimping, but before they do it, they set these two guys up.

01:38:33.000 And these two guys get locked up.

01:38:34.000 They get a life sentence.

01:38:36.000 They set the two guys up and they rob them for $1 million.

01:38:39.000 This takes place like in 79 when $1 million seemed like it would last forever.

01:38:44.000 And they give that speech, this is the big one, brother.

01:38:47.000 A cool million.

01:38:49.000 This is enough money for my kids and my kids' kids' kids.

01:38:53.000 It's a million dollars.

01:38:54.000 And it's two guys getting it, right?

01:38:56.000 So they set the guys up.

01:38:58.000 They get the money.

01:38:59.000 The guys go to jail.

01:39:00.000 25, 30 years later, these guys get out.

01:39:03.000 Because life is only 25 years.

01:39:06.000 Now, the other two guys are totally not street.

01:39:09.000 They haven't been street for 30 years.

01:39:11.000 They're regular guys.

01:39:13.000 These dudes been in prison.

01:39:15.000 It was hard when they went to prison.

01:39:17.000 It came out even worse.

01:39:19.000 And they figure out that these guys did what they did.

01:39:22.000 They're looking for them.

01:39:23.000 They want their money back.

01:39:24.000 And these guys have to pretend that they're something.

01:39:28.000 They pretend that they're juiced in. 0.96

01:39:30.000 You really don't want to bother us because we could kill you.

01:39:34.000 I know you're tough and all that, but you've been in jail.

01:39:36.000 You don't know what's going on out here now.

01:39:38.000 We run this, but it's all an act.

01:39:41.000 And the guys that are with them are actors from an acting school.

01:39:45.000 And they fooled these guys very briefly in a movie, but when they realized that it was a trick, They go back to the acting school, beat up all the actors, find out who told, what the whole plot was, what the plan was, that Joe used to trick us.

01:40:02.000 Now they're after those guys.

01:40:04.000 Now while all this is happening, there's a stalker in the movie, a serial killer that kills only pimps.

01:40:13.000 It's called The Pimp Stoker.

01:40:15.000 So from the beginning of the movie all the way to the end, while this story is unfolding with these two guys that stole his money and they're basically trying to find a way to give the money back without getting killed.

01:40:26.000 It's like in that movie, Which Way Is Up?

01:40:29.000 with Bill Cosby and Sidney Poitier.

01:40:32.000 That type of thing.

01:40:33.000 We did a flim-flam.

01:40:34.000 We want to find our way out of it.

01:40:35.000 Give you your money back.

01:40:36.000 Get out of it. 0.87

01:40:37.000 While they're trying to do this, there's The Pimp Stoker killing pimps.

01:40:40.000 The cops think...

01:40:42.000 That the two guys that are after them are the Pimp Stokers, but they're not.

01:40:46.000 You're going to tell the whole movie.

01:40:47.000 I'm telling the whole movie.

01:40:48.000 Brian.

01:40:49.000 I'm loving it, man.

01:40:50.000 Brian, I'm going to quiz you on the plot.

01:40:53.000 Quiz him on the plot.

01:40:54.000 All right.

01:40:55.000 So there's this serial killer dude. 0.98

01:40:57.000 He hates pimps. 1.00

01:40:59.000 He wants to murder them all. 0.99

01:41:00.000 And then there's this group of pimps that are ruling the city, but these other groups of guys came in. 0.95

01:41:06.000 So someone goes to jail for something?

01:41:08.000 Two gangsters go to jail.

01:41:10.000 How's 25 years life?

01:41:12.000 That's life nowadays.

01:41:14.000 25 years is a life sentence.

01:41:16.000 If I give you life in prison, that's 25 years.

01:41:19.000 Really?

01:41:19.000 So after 25 years you can get out?

01:41:21.000 Get out, yeah.

01:41:21.000 That's crazy.

01:41:23.000 Now sometimes it's life without parole.

01:41:25.000 That's what they have to say, life without parole.

01:41:26.000 They say life...

01:41:28.000 You can get out.

01:41:29.000 Wow.

01:41:30.000 So these guys get out, you know what I'm saying?

01:41:31.000 And they're after these two dudes who are now like soccer dads with big guts, one dude who works at the church and all.

01:41:38.000 You know, they're not street people anymore.

01:41:40.000 And they're forced to go back into the world that they snuck away from to pretend, you know, for a little while, but it doesn't work.

01:41:48.000 They get caught.

01:41:49.000 The guys want their money back.

01:41:50.000 It's all, you know, I don't want to get too deep in there if I probably already did.

01:41:54.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:41:55.000 The shit is funny, man. 1.00

01:41:56.000 Did you write your book also, or do you write a lot? 1.00

01:41:58.000 Yeah, I wrote my book too, yeah.

01:41:59.000 That's awesome.

01:41:59.000 Now, your book's about you getting into comedy, right?

01:42:02.000 I'm a better writer than I am a pitcher.

01:42:06.000 You know what I'm saying?

01:42:07.000 A better writer than I am a pitcher.

01:42:09.000 I just am.

01:42:11.000 What do you mean by that?

01:42:11.000 If you read the script, you would understand it a whole lot better than me sitting here trying to capsulize it to you in 30 seconds.

01:42:17.000 The problem with telling the script is you start, and then you've got to keep going.

01:42:21.000 Because then you've got to explain.

01:42:23.000 There's so much things happening here. 0.99

01:42:24.000 You've got a lot of shit going on. 1.00

01:42:25.000 There's a lot of shit going on. 1.00

01:42:25.000 And it's hard to pay attention to all that shit without special effects. 1.00

01:42:29.000 Unless you're looking at it. 1.00

01:42:32.000 You've got to show me some shit. 1.00

01:42:33.000 There's a lot of shit going on in the movie. 1.00

01:42:34.000 The movie's funny. 0.99

01:42:35.000 The only thing that may change about the movie is the title because the word pimps again.

01:42:40.000 I'm like, I thought I'd come up with something better than that.

01:42:44.000 I don't want people to think you come to see a movie about pimps because that's not what it's about.

01:42:48.000 The movie is about these two guys that went straight.

01:42:52.000 And that element is trying to draw them back. 0.98

01:42:54.000 Charlie Murphy, what we need is a goddamn TV show following you around and talking about it. 0.97

01:42:58.000 Well, I got something like that I'm doing with Terry Crews, man, called My Bad. 0.98

01:43:01.000 We're going to deal with the bio channel.

01:43:04.000 And it's going to be me and Terry Crews. 0.98

01:43:06.000 The pilot is me telling you a story about something that I did to a person years ago that was fucked up. 0.99

01:43:14.000 And then I do a reenactment of what I did to the person. 0.58

01:43:17.000 And then I go back and find the person and I give them their money back.

01:43:23.000 Remember that time when you got robbed back in 74 and you thought that I was with you?

01:43:29.000 Well, I set you up to be robbed.

01:43:31.000 It was all of that, you know, and I give the guy this money back.

01:43:33.000 And I'm apologizing.

01:43:35.000 So what we're going to do on the bio channel is everyone has something, maybe not as extreme as me, but something that you did to somebody in your past that you wouldn't mind apologizing for.

01:43:45.000 Saying, hey, you know what?

01:43:46.000 I did bop-a-bop, and I'm sorry.

01:43:49.000 And we're going to use all celebrities. 0.96

01:43:51.000 Every celebrity got somebody that they did something fucked up to. 0.99

01:43:54.000 Who'd you do something fucked up to, Joe? 0.98

01:43:56.000 I'm trying to think why you're saying that. 0.98

01:43:57.000 That you would like to...

01:43:58.000 That you never apologized, but you wouldn't mind apologizing now.

01:44:01.000 Maybe Peter Chin.

01:44:04.000 Oh, I did keep him from hosting one of the...

01:44:09.000 I had to. 0.99

01:44:10.000 Mitzi was doing that shit as a joke. 1.00

01:44:12.000 It was like when Chris McGuire was auditioning for Mitzi. 0.99

01:44:16.000 And Mitzi thinks it's funny to let Peter Chen host the open mic night. 0.99

01:44:21.000 It's fucking brutal, man. 0.99

01:44:23.000 It's wrong. 0.99

01:44:24.000 I mean, something's wrong with Peter Chen.

01:44:26.000 That's funny.

01:44:27.000 And he would...

01:44:28.000 It was almost like a parody of the worst comic ever.

01:44:31.000 You know?

01:44:32.000 Explain Peter Chen.

01:44:34.000 Peter Chen is a...

01:44:36.000 He was a nice guy off stage, but...

01:44:39.000 There's something wrong.

01:44:40.000 Yeah, there was something wrong.

01:44:42.000 Because his comedy was so bad that you would sit in an audience and literally start hating him.

01:44:49.000 Really?

01:44:50.000 You know, comedy was laughter.

01:44:53.000 He was aggressively bad.

01:44:54.000 Like, you would be like, why is he... 1.00

01:44:57.000 How dare this idiot! 1.00

01:45:01.000 He over-accented his accent. 1.00

01:45:07.000 That wasn't even a real accent.

01:45:09.000 Oh, he's in a bad, broken English. 0.94

01:45:14.000 A funny thing happened on the way to Seven Revin.

01:45:21.000 It's like, yo, what are you doing?

01:45:23.000 Wasn't he part of Don Barris' Looney Tunes thing that Barris used to do?

01:45:27.000 What is that?

01:45:28.000 What did he used to call it, Brian?

01:45:29.000 The Ding Dong Show?

01:45:30.000 The Ding Dong Show, yeah.

01:45:31.000 He would have all these worst comedians possible in the country. 0.99

01:45:35.000 Misfits. 0.99

01:45:36.000 Comedy Misfits. 1.00

01:45:37.000 Crazy people. 0.99

01:45:38.000 Comedy Misfits. 1.00

01:45:39.000 And he'd put together a Ding Dong Show.

01:45:41.000 He's got amazing tolerance.

01:45:44.000 And he would always be hanging around with these cats, these characters.

01:45:47.000 Yeah, and these dudes...

01:45:49.000 So if there's anybody that I would apologize, maybe to that guy.

01:45:51.000 Because I did Bump and One Night at the Comedy Store.

01:45:53.000 But I did it for my family.

01:45:54.000 It doesn't have to be another entertainer.

01:45:58.000 It could be anyone.

01:45:59.000 Somebody you did something to in fifth grade.

01:46:01.000 Look, I think it's a great idea.

01:46:02.000 That's a great idea.

01:46:03.000 That's going to be on the bio channel.

01:46:04.000 It's going to be me and Terry going with different people.

01:46:08.000 The part where I come in is the reenactment.

01:46:10.000 We're going to always make...

01:46:12.000 The reenactment comedy, you know?

01:46:14.000 I think it's a great idea, but I think the world is being starred from a Charlie Murphy TV show.

01:46:18.000 That's what I'm saying.

01:46:18.000 Somebody needs to follow you around.

01:46:20.000 We got that, we got that, and we also got the other show I'm doing.

01:46:24.000 I think the running theme is going to be Rich Falling Asleep.

01:46:29.000 We had the whole digital thing we're getting ready to build up.

01:46:33.000 There is going to be a camera.

01:46:35.000 The whole digital thing?

01:46:37.000 Only a man such as Charlie Murphy can get away with saying that.

01:46:39.000 The whole digital thing that's going on right now.

01:46:42.000 We're building that up.

01:46:43.000 We're building my whole digital department up.

01:46:46.000 Why don't you start a podcast?

01:46:47.000 I am.

01:46:48.000 That's all in the making.

01:46:50.000 Joe, that's all in the makings, but I only can do one thing at a time.

01:46:53.000 What I was focusing on this year was writing that movie I just finished writing and getting ready to do the TV show.

01:47:00.000 We're doing 20 episodes over the next six weeks.

01:47:04.000 I'm focusing on those two things, and once that's done, boom, then it's on to the next area.

01:47:11.000 I don't sit back on my hunches at all.

01:47:13.000 Definitely not.

01:47:13.000 You got DVDs, books, movies, everything.

01:47:15.000 You go to your website.

01:47:17.000 Everything with a wife, man. 0.99

01:47:18.000 Exactly.

01:47:19.000 If I keep working hard, I'll have one eventually.

01:47:22.000 It's got to be hard to marry after your wife dies. 0.99

01:47:25.000 What does it feel like?

01:47:26.000 It's not going to be hard to marry.

01:47:27.000 It's hard to be single.

01:47:28.000 Right. 1.00

01:47:29.000 Being single sucks, man. 1.00

01:47:31.000 Does it? 0.99

01:47:32.000 Especially if you've got kids because... 1.00

01:47:35.000 Like, I have to sneak to have sex, man. 0.99

01:47:37.000 Right. 0.99

01:47:39.000 Come on, man.

01:47:40.000 You go through that when you're in high school.

01:47:43.000 But if your person that you're married to happens to pass away or whatever, you can't bring chicks around and bone them. 0.96

01:47:49.000 Right.

01:47:49.000 You can't do that, man.

01:47:51.000 Especially not being loud.

01:47:52.000 Are you loud?

01:47:52.000 You can't sneak them up to the room or any of that.

01:47:54.000 Because when they come in, if you have a daughter, she's going to go, hey, who is that? 0.90

01:47:59.000 That's what my daughter goes. 0.87

01:48:00.000 She goes right over to the person and starts monopolizing them. 1.00

01:48:03.000 Who are you?

01:48:04.000 Who are you?

01:48:04.000 What are you doing here?

01:48:05.000 And she makes sure.

01:48:06.000 So are you having a sleepover?

01:48:08.000 No, she's not.

01:48:10.000 So you have to sneak.

01:48:11.000 Wow.

01:48:11.000 Yeah, man.

01:48:12.000 Being single after you've been married for years is whack.

01:48:15.000 Wow.

01:48:16.000 I was married for years, so I want to be the lifestyle.

01:48:21.000 My wife is gone, but the lifestyle, yeah, I miss that, man.

01:48:25.000 Definitely. 1.00

01:48:27.000 Being single sucks, man. 1.00

01:48:28.000 Single chicks don't cook for you. 1.00

01:48:30.000 You don't want them to cook.

01:48:31.000 You don't even trust them.

01:48:33.000 Especially if they suggest to you, would you like some spaghetti?

01:48:35.000 No, no, no, no.

01:48:36.000 Are you okay?

01:48:37.000 Are you okay?

01:48:38.000 No, no.

01:48:41.000 You got to be married to trust them to enjoy those things.

01:48:44.000 Well, it's also got to be hard when you're on the road.

01:48:47.000 You're on the road constantly.

01:48:48.000 It's hard to spend time with someone to get to know them unless you take them with you.

01:48:52.000 And you can't take somebody with you.

01:48:53.000 They have their own life going on.

01:48:55.000 If you say, come with me, you're basically saying, quit your job.

01:48:58.000 And I'm not telling no one to quit their job.

01:49:01.000 Quit your job and come with me.

01:49:03.000 Oh, no.

01:49:03.000 I'm not doing that.

01:49:05.000 It's hard, man.

01:49:06.000 Especially when you barely know them.

01:49:08.000 Because that's really what it is.

01:49:09.000 Until you live with someone, you really don't know them that well.

01:49:12.000 You do, but you don't.

01:49:13.000 You don't see them all day.

01:49:14.000 Until you live with them, that's the key part.

01:49:16.000 And that's when they get to know you.

01:49:17.000 I'm not talking about a year of living with someone.

01:49:21.000 I mean, living with someone?

01:49:23.000 You've got to say at least three years.

01:49:27.000 Because something's going to happen.

01:49:28.000 Three years is a good time for some real BS at some point.

01:49:33.000 Right, right, right.

01:49:33.000 Mm-hmm.

01:49:34.000 To get to know the person, man.

01:49:36.000 So, you know, that's the paradox of my life right now.

01:49:40.000 You know, people will look and go, oh, everyone likes him.

01:49:44.000 He's doing great in his business and in his show business and blah, blah, blah.

01:49:48.000 Yes, that's good, but that's not real life.

01:49:50.000 That's a job.

01:49:51.000 My real life is my family.

01:49:53.000 My real life is when you come home at night and the lights go off and you're on stage.

01:49:58.000 And that's the part where there's a big hole because my wife is gone.

01:50:02.000 And it's not as simple as one would think.

01:50:07.000 It's harder than you would think as far as finding somebody to fill in that area.

01:50:12.000 Of course, there's plenty of people that say, oh, I would do it.

01:50:15.000 I'll come and be, but it's not the person you want.

01:50:18.000 You have to be very careful who you have around your children.

01:50:20.000 Yeah, man. 0.99

01:50:21.000 I want to slap a few of these chicks. 1.00

01:50:24.000 I'll move in with you and take care of your children. 0.98

01:50:26.000 Really, you will.

01:50:28.000 You?

01:50:28.000 You.

01:50:29.000 A whore. 1.00

01:50:30.000 A whore. 1.00

01:50:31.000 What are you guys, what's that? 1.00

01:50:36.000 You don't know what a whore is? 1.00

01:50:38.000 A whore. 1.00

01:50:40.000 A whore. 1.00

01:50:40.000 Oh, okay. 1.00

01:50:41.000 A woman who is at the best of whore. 1.00

01:50:42.000 I just got confused by the accent. 0.99

01:50:44.000 I thought it was an inside joke that I was missing out on.

01:50:47.000 That's a tough situation I feel for you, brother, while you're actually touring as a comedian.

01:50:52.000 It's got to be really hard.

01:50:54.000 Yeah, for instance, I got my kids with me out here right now.

01:50:57.000 I got my son.

01:50:57.000 Son's in your living room right now.

01:50:59.000 I got my kids out here with me right now.

01:51:01.000 School's getting ready to start.

01:51:03.000 So they're going to be with me until September 6th, taking them back home, hanging out with them that week school starts.

01:51:10.000 Where's back home?

01:51:12.000 New Jersey.

01:51:12.000 I still live in New Jersey.

01:51:13.000 You still live in New Jersey?

01:51:14.000 And Pennsylvania, too.

01:51:16.000 I was just in Philly last weekend.

01:51:18.000 Yeah, I live in Averhouse in Strasburg.

01:51:21.000 But I'm just saying...

01:51:23.000 Once that goes back into effect, I'm still going to be coming out of here to work on the show.

01:51:29.000 I got to go to Europe.

01:51:30.000 I got to go to Cuba.

01:51:32.000 It's the job I have.

01:51:33.000 So I can't complain.

01:51:35.000 I'm glad I have the job.

01:51:36.000 But that's the part of it, the fact that their mother's not here, that makes it really rough.

01:51:42.000 Yeah, I would imagine.

01:51:43.000 If I was leaving you with your moms, I wouldn't even...

01:51:45.000 Yeah, let's go!

01:51:47.000 But I'm not leaving you with your moms.

01:51:49.000 I'm leaving you with nannies. 1.00

01:51:50.000 You know what I'm saying?

01:51:51.000 Because my whole family lives out here on the West Coast or whatever.

01:51:54.000 And because I'm not the kind of person that, you know, leans on people like that.

01:51:59.000 I appreciate your help, but I'm not asking for it.

01:52:02.000 And if you don't offer it, I'm not going to complain about it.

01:52:05.000 I do it myself.

01:52:06.000 And that's how I raise my kids, you know what I'm saying?

01:52:10.000 I pay my nannies.

01:52:11.000 I don't ask anybody to help me out.

01:52:12.000 I do what I got to do.

01:52:13.000 But at the same time, there's a feeling that goes along with that, and it don't feel good.

01:52:17.000 You know?

01:52:19.000 Do you do video conferencing with your kids?

01:52:21.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:52:22.000 Do you try to do as much as possible?

01:52:23.000 I got Skype and all that.

01:52:24.000 That's good.

01:52:25.000 It's not the same.

01:52:26.000 My kids are young, man.

01:52:27.000 I got a five-year-old daughter.

01:52:29.000 You just don't want this, the thing you do to support them, be the thing that disables them.

01:52:36.000 You know, like when they grow up, yeah, my father was never home, he was always working and blah, blah, blah.

01:52:41.000 And that's the reason why my life went this way.

01:52:44.000 That's my fear, you know.

01:52:46.000 I work with that one constantly, you know.

01:52:48.000 That's the fear of every father.

01:52:51.000 How much time can you spend in doing what you want to do for a living?

01:52:54.000 To mold your kid, man, because if you don't do it, he's getting molded.

01:52:58.000 The world's going to mold him.

01:52:58.000 Whatever you don't teach him, he's going to learn from somewhere else.

01:53:01.000 And it may be a warped sense of...

01:53:04.000 Like me, for instance, when I was growing up, you know, my dad was always at work.

01:53:09.000 Always.

01:53:10.000 I was seeing him one day a week, Saturday.

01:53:13.000 And usually that wasn't, you know, to be nice to him. 0.99

01:53:16.000 That's when you was getting your ass whipped for what you did during the week. 0.99

01:53:19.000 You know what I'm saying? 1.00

01:53:20.000 That's when your dad showed up to whip your ass on Saturday. 1.00

01:53:24.000 As a result, when I grew up and became a man, when it came time for me to deal with women, I learned how to deal with women by listening to guys that were in the street, bums. 1.00

01:53:37.000 Guys named T-Bone and Slick and Big Willie and whatever.

01:53:41.000 And because of that, the first couple of relationships I had with women, I was an abusive dude, man.

01:53:48.000 I would think, what, you're talking back to me? 0.99

01:53:50.000 The answer is I'm supposed to hit you. 0.98

01:53:52.000 Because that's what Slick told me. 0.66

01:53:55.000 That's not what you're supposed to do.

01:53:57.000 If your dad is there to teach you that, you know better.

01:53:59.000 But if you don't grow up with that around, you grow up with something else, because you're going to be seeking the knowledge, you go out and do the wrong thing.

01:54:07.000 So that's what I think about with my kids.

01:54:10.000 You want to be there to make sure you're there to deliver all the lessons they need.

01:54:13.000 But then when you go, half my team is gone.

01:54:17.000 And there's nothing I can do about that.

01:54:19.000 It makes it real scary.

01:54:22.000 Especially when you start looking at, well, all the people who are talking about, they want to be the replacement.

01:54:27.000 You go, hey, must be out of your mind.

01:54:30.000 You think I'm going to bring you around?

01:54:33.000 I mean, our relationship is fine over here, but you think I'm going to bring you?

01:54:37.000 I think we found the show.

01:54:40.000 This is the show.

01:54:41.000 What's the show? 0.99

01:54:42.000 The show is do a sitcom on what's really fucking going on in your life, man. 0.96

01:54:46.000 Well, that's why the show I'm doing... 0.97

01:54:49.000 About the adopted son?

01:54:51.000 Exactly.

01:54:52.000 It's me dealing with my kids, man.

01:54:54.000 And I'm single.

01:54:56.000 I'm going to have the same challenges as I have in my real life.

01:55:00.000 And I can definitely bring experience to that situation.

01:55:04.000 Do you bring your kids on the road with you ever?

01:55:06.000 I have done it, but my kids don't...

01:55:08.000 Kids don't like to be at work with you.

01:55:12.000 Right.

01:55:13.000 You know, for no longer than five minutes.

01:55:15.000 Right.

01:55:15.000 When they get there, they check it out.

01:55:17.000 Okay, now where's the toys at?

01:55:18.000 Where's my world?

01:55:19.000 Right, right, right.

01:55:20.000 Where's the kiddie things at?

01:55:22.000 So I had my kids with me on the road when their mom was alive.

01:55:26.000 But since she's passed away, I haven't had them with me because I'm a horrible fun buddy for a kid.

01:55:34.000 Right.

01:55:35.000 If we go to Seattle, oh, let's go check out the...

01:55:38.000 I'll be in the room going, well, if I go there, I'm going to have to sign autographs and take pictures.

01:55:46.000 I'm not going to be able to do it the way you guys.

01:55:50.000 You don't just go to Disneyland?

01:55:52.000 I have to go on certain days, man.

01:55:54.000 You know what I'm saying?

01:55:54.000 I don't go when it's peak, when everybody's there, because then I become Goofy or Mickey Mouse, you know what I'm saying, to the other people who came there on vacation.

01:56:03.000 The other day we were staying on 1717 Vine Street, a hotel called the Redberry, right?

01:56:10.000 It's right on the Walk of Fame and all that.

01:56:12.000 My kids are in a hotel looking out the balcony.

01:56:15.000 We want to go for a walk!

01:56:16.000 And I was like, okay, you can go for a walk with a nanny. 0.97

01:56:18.000 There's no way I want to walk on a Walk of Fame in broad daylight with my kids.

01:56:23.000 And I know that that's a tourist attraction.

01:56:26.000 There's people on buses, you know, driving around.

01:56:28.000 They have the tour buses driving around on star searches or what have you.

01:56:32.000 And if you're from Kansas or wherever you may be from and you go to Hollywood and you see someone you've seen on television, what are you going to do?

01:56:39.000 You're going to go crazy, and you should.

01:56:41.000 So that's why I was like, you better stay in your room. 0.97

01:56:43.000 Because if you go down there with your kids, it's not going to be...

01:56:46.000 Have you ever thought about, like, disguises, like blonde waves?

01:56:48.000 Absolutely not.

01:56:49.000 I refuse.

01:56:50.000 I refuse.

01:56:51.000 I refuse to wear a disguise.

01:56:54.000 I mean, that's just not out of the blue.

01:56:55.000 That actually happened on St. Patrick's Day Parade in New York.

01:56:58.000 St. Patrick's Day Parade...

01:57:02.000 A week before that, it was a blackout in my town.

01:57:06.000 I had lost power in my house for like a week.

01:57:09.000 Staying in New York at the London Hotel.

01:57:11.000 So St. Patrick's Day was during that week.

01:57:14.000 I'm not Irish, even though my name is Murphy.

01:57:16.000 I don't be aware when St. Patrick's Day is coming up, you know?

01:57:21.000 My last name is Rogan, and I don't know when it's coming up.

01:57:23.000 I walked outside with my two kids, and we was walking around Manhattan, supposedly going to walk over to Central Park, and I see all the hoopla on Fit Man.

01:57:31.000 And I'm like, that's...

01:57:32.000 Oh, it's St. Patrick's Day.

01:57:34.000 Do you kids want to go to the St. Patrick's Day parade?

01:57:37.000 They was like, yeah, daddy, because they had never been.

01:57:40.000 I walked them.

01:57:41.000 It's just me and my two kids, man.

01:57:42.000 I walked them up to the crowd, put my daughter on my shoulder, and we were watching the parade, and I heard somebody go, yo, that's Charlie Murphy.

01:57:52.000 Yo, that's Charlie Murphy!

01:57:54.000 Then it started from this side, the left and the right.

01:57:57.000 And then you see the people looking at you and they're coming forward.

01:58:00.000 And my daughter started screaming, man, because it was a lot of people.

01:58:04.000 And they had us pressed on the wall of the building.

01:58:07.000 Charlie Murphy!

01:58:08.000 Screaming.

01:58:09.000 And my daughter screaming from fear, man.

01:58:11.000 I'm holding my son's arm.

01:58:13.000 And it had to just turn into like an animal, man. 0.95

01:58:17.000 Get the F out of here.

01:58:18.000 Just push through the crowd and run with my kids, man. 1.00

01:58:22.000 And as I'm doing it, I'm going, you're an idiot. 1.00

01:58:24.000 What made you think that you could stand on Fifth Avenue in broad daylight on St. Patrick's Day in a crowd with your children and that was a safe thing to do? 1.00

01:58:34.000 But I forgot for that one split second what I'd do for a living.

01:58:40.000 You know what I'm saying? 1.00

01:58:41.000 It can't bite me in the ass. 1.00

01:58:44.000 Blonde wig. 1.00

01:58:45.000 That's what I would do.

01:58:46.000 Maybe you dress like a furry.

01:58:48.000 This is why you never wear a disguise.

01:58:50.000 Maybe you could be a furry.

01:58:51.000 Because you're not fooling anyone.

01:58:53.000 They look over there and go, that's so-and-so with a disguise on.

01:58:56.000 I could be a furry and you would never know.

01:58:58.000 That's Joe Rogan over there.

01:59:00.000 I could be a giant fox.

01:59:01.000 I'd be a fox.

01:59:02.000 That's what I would be.

01:59:03.000 If I was going to be a mascot.

01:59:05.000 One of those dudes wandering around.

01:59:07.000 I don't mind people coming up to me if I'm not with my kids.

01:59:11.000 It's part of it.

01:59:12.000 But when you're with your children, it's different.

01:59:14.000 You're thinking about their safety or whatever, especially in a crowd situation.

01:59:17.000 And then when you have somebody that's really not acting like an adult, jumping around and screaming loud, that's horrifying to a kid, man.

01:59:26.000 So, yeah, I'm real sensitive about that.

01:59:30.000 Which I should be.

01:59:31.000 I'm a parent.

01:59:32.000 I guess any parent would be. 1.00

01:59:33.000 You don't see somebody scamming shit at your children. 1.00

01:59:35.000 No, of course. 1.00

01:59:36.000 I'm sensitive about that, too.

01:59:37.000 You've got to be careful.

01:59:38.000 But I go everywhere.

01:59:40.000 I just go places, you know.

01:59:42.000 Most of the time, people leave me alone.

01:59:44.000 And when people say hi, they're usually pretty nice.

01:59:47.000 And when I'm with my kids, very rarely do they ask for pictures.

01:59:49.000 And I just say, hey, man, come on, man.

01:59:51.000 I've got my kids here.

01:59:51.000 And luckily, you could pretty much take care of business if you have to.

01:59:57.000 Like, Louis C.K. had an episode last week about the same thing happening where he was out with his kids and these two guys came up and started like, yeah, we're gonna get you.

02:00:05.000 You know, like, get his kids and stuff like that. 0.98

02:00:07.000 It was fucking scary. 0.99

02:00:09.000 Oh, wow. 0.99

02:00:10.000 But, you know, Louis is not a big guy and these guys were, like, big in the show and stuff.

02:00:15.000 But that's scary because people...

02:00:17.000 And then I had that thing where, you know, the way most people came to know me...

02:00:21.000 The way my name was pronounced to them as a scream is the way they say it back.

02:00:26.000 Right.

02:00:27.000 Okay?

02:00:27.000 They're not screaming just because they're excited.

02:00:29.000 That's the way you're supposed to say it.

02:00:32.000 Charlie Murphy!

02:00:33.000 That's how you're supposed to say it.

02:00:35.000 So when you got ten people doing it from different directions and you're holding your kid who doesn't even, you know...

02:00:42.000 Understand any of the dynamics of that. 0.96

02:00:44.000 It's going to scare the shit out of your kid. 0.79

02:00:46.000 Do you talk to Dave Chappelle? 0.92

02:00:48.000 Yeah, I talked to him last week, man.

02:00:49.000 Dave's alright.

02:00:50.000 How's he doing?

02:00:50.000 He's doing alright.

02:00:52.000 He's still doing some stand-up, you know, or...

02:00:56.000 And that's about it, as far as what I know, that he's involved.

02:01:00.000 I heard a rumor that he was doing something on the internet, but I don't think that's true.

02:01:04.000 Yeah, I heard that rumor, too.

02:01:05.000 I just wish the guy would do more stand-up.

02:01:07.000 I wish he would put out some DVDs or something.

02:01:10.000 He's a brilliant comedian, man.

02:01:12.000 When was the last time you heard one of his bits, though?

02:01:16.000 It's unfortunate.

02:01:18.000 I mean, I love a guy like Louis C.K. who puts out a new DVD every year or so, but I just wish David put something out.

02:01:26.000 Well, you know, I would think that eventually he's going to have to, you know, because he has to be doing something.

02:01:33.000 I mean, he may have had a lot of money when he first walked away, but you're spending that money.

02:01:37.000 Eventually you're going to have to do something.

02:01:38.000 Right.

02:01:39.000 You know, you have to put something out and do something.

02:01:41.000 Can't just go, I have enough money to last the rest of my life when you got kids.

02:01:46.000 One million dollars.

02:01:47.000 He got four kids.

02:01:49.000 One million dollars.

02:01:51.000 Dave lives in Ohio, right?

02:01:53.000 Yeah.

02:01:54.000 Even in Ohio, one million dollars ain't going to last you very long, man.

02:01:59.000 I'm sure you got a couple million dollars, but you know, you got to work, man.

02:02:02.000 What's Ohio all about?

02:02:03.000 Why does he live out there?

02:02:05.000 Oh, it's very sheltered.

02:02:06.000 Like, if you got money, you move to Ohio, your kids are going to be...

02:02:09.000 You don't have to worry about nothing, man.

02:02:12.000 What do you mean?

02:02:13.000 It's safe, man.

02:02:14.000 It's not a fast-moving place.

02:02:17.000 Oh, I see.

02:02:18.000 There's not a lot of crime and all that other stuff.

02:02:20.000 This kid grew up in Ohio.

02:02:22.000 Oh, he lives on a farm?

02:02:23.000 Yeah.

02:02:24.000 Really?

02:02:24.000 He lives in their hippies.

02:02:26.000 Like, Silver Springs, Ohio, or whatever.

02:02:28.000 It's like a lot of hippies over there.

02:02:30.000 Really?

02:02:31.000 Yeah.

02:02:31.000 Good scheme.

02:02:34.000 Yeah?

02:02:34.000 Hippies and a farm.

02:02:35.000 Alright folks, that's how we're gonna end this.

02:02:37.000 Hippies and a farm.

02:02:38.000 The good life.

02:02:39.000 You'll never see me do it.

02:02:43.000 It's been a lot of fun being your friend, man.

02:02:45.000 It's been a lot of fun meeting you.

02:02:46.000 I had a great time doing that Maxim tour with you.

02:02:48.000 And we're going to do it again, man.

02:02:50.000 We're going to do something.

02:02:51.000 I would love to do something with you.

02:02:53.000 Anything.

02:02:53.000 I'm just glad we got this done because we've been trying to do this for about two years.

02:02:57.000 Yeah, we've been talking about it forever.

02:02:58.000 And I was feeling like Joe at this point probably thinks that I'm full of SH. No, man.

02:03:03.000 I never thought that.

02:03:04.000 I keep saying, yeah, Joe, I'm going to come through your podcast.

02:03:06.000 I'm going to come through Joe.

02:03:08.000 But we were never here. 1.00

02:03:09.000 I know you're busy as fuck, and I know you got kids, because I'm busy as fuck, and I got kids. 1.00

02:03:13.000 I know what it's like. 1.00

02:03:13.000 Never here, man. 1.00

02:03:14.000 No worries, dude.

02:03:15.000 It was fun running into you in Hawaii, too.

02:03:16.000 That was kind of crazy.

02:03:18.000 You know what?

02:03:18.000 Actually, when you see me in Hawaii was when I first started writing that movie that I just finished writing.

02:03:22.000 Really?

02:03:23.000 On that vacation is when I started writing.

02:03:26.000 Yeah.

02:03:26.000 That's what ruined the vacation.

02:03:27.000 Just out of nowhere, we were staying at the same hotel together.

02:03:30.000 That's crazy.

02:03:31.000 Brainstorming and all that. 1.00

02:03:31.000 Small world shit. 1.00

02:03:32.000 Relaxing, man. 1.00

02:03:34.000 And I was with a girl in Hawaii.

02:03:37.000 I don't know if you've seen her.

02:03:38.000 I was in love with that girl.

02:03:40.000 Remember that girl?

02:03:40.000 The one I took to Hawaii?

02:03:42.000 Fell in love with the girl.

02:03:43.000 Then with the kids.

02:03:44.000 I was like, this is going to be the one that will introduce my children.

02:03:48.000 She was perfect.

02:03:49.000 And then we had a conversation. 1.00

02:03:52.000 And she told me, you know, I just realized from observing you and your children that you're a pussy of a father. 1.00

02:03:59.000 Whoa. 1.00

02:04:00.000 And I was like, what?

02:04:02.000 She said, you give your kids whatever they want. 0.78

02:04:04.000 And there's two reasons why.

02:04:06.000 One is because they lost their mom.

02:04:07.000 And the other one is because you feel guilty because you're going the road.

02:04:10.000 But when I meet your kids, I want to introduce them to tough love.

02:04:14.000 And I was like, really?

02:04:15.000 All right.

02:04:16.000 Whoa.

02:04:16.000 I'll talk to you later.

02:04:18.000 I've never talked to her again since then.

02:04:19.000 That was a girl I had in Hawaii that time.

02:04:22.000 What do you mean you're going to introduce my kids to tough love?

02:04:27.000 That's instinctual.

02:04:28.000 The mothers don't like other children. 1.00

02:04:30.000 The new wife doesn't like the children of the lost mother. 1.00

02:04:35.000 It's natural.

02:04:36.000 You're going to have to find a powerful woman. 1.00

02:04:39.000 A woman who is really pure and honest and loving.

02:04:44.000 Someone who really is going to love and respect those kids. 0.99

02:04:47.000 It's fucking difficult. 0.84

02:04:48.000 I let them know, if you do anything to my kids, if you hurt their feelings or anything, I'm going to match your contribution to you. 0.99

02:04:56.000 How many evil stepmothers are there? 1.00

02:04:57.000 I used to tell their own mother that.

02:04:59.000 In movies and stories, it's always evil stepmothers. 1.00

02:05:03.000 I don't play that shit, man. 1.00

02:05:04.000 Because I've seen it. 1.00

02:05:06.000 You come around my kids.

02:05:08.000 If my kids tell me anything that you said or did to them when I was not around, I'm taking their word for it.

02:05:16.000 That's my team right now.

02:05:18.000 That's what I look at.

02:05:20.000 Any wrong person that comes in, you can help, whatever, but you're not making them uncomfortable.

02:05:25.000 You're a good man, Charlie Murphy.

02:05:27.000 Thanks for coming over, dude.

02:05:28.000 I really appreciate it.

02:05:29.000 Thanks for having me, man.

02:05:31.000 I'm going to have to move this Kevin Smith one.

02:05:33.000 Kevin, I've got to call you up.

02:05:34.000 You're not supposed to find out about it this way, but it was supposed to be August 30th.

02:05:37.000 Kevin Smith was doing it, but we're going to have to move that.

02:05:40.000 And that's it.

02:05:41.000 Freaks, thanks for tuning in. 0.90

02:05:44.000 If you can thank our sponsor, is it the Fleshlight?

02:05:48.000 What is it?

02:05:48.000 The Fleshlight.

02:05:49.000 The number one sex toy for men, Joe.

02:05:51.000 If you go onto your website, you have a coupon code. 0.89

02:05:54.000 You put in the name Rogan?

02:05:55.000 Yes, 15% off.

02:05:57.000 You can think that you're saving money.

02:05:59.000 It's even better.

02:06:00.000 That's it, folks.

02:06:02.000 That's what's up.

02:06:04.000 I've got to update this Ustream page, man.

02:06:07.000 The Twitter page.

02:06:09.000 Different dates?

02:06:10.000 Yeah, I was going to say what they are, but I don't remember them. 0.99

02:06:14.000 Because this is a fucking mess. 0.99

02:06:17.000 Oh, okay. 0.99

02:06:17.000 September 30th, I'm at the Warner Theater in Washington, D.C. That's a new one. 0.99

02:06:20.000 And then the Verizon Center in Houston, Texas, October 7th.

02:06:25.000 And that's it.

02:06:26.000 So I'll see you guys next week.

02:06:28.000 Thank you to the Fleshlight.

02:06:29.000 Thank you to Charlie Murphy.

02:06:31.000 Thank you, Freeze Love.

02:06:32.000 Thank you.

02:06:33.000 Rich, wake up.

02:06:34.000 Wake up, Rich.

02:06:36.000 Good night, everybody.

02:06:36.000 Thank you very much.

02:06:37.000 I'm playing the show, buddy.

The Joe Rogan Experience - August 24, 2011

Joe Rogan Experience #133 - Charlie Murphy & Freeze Love

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Summary

Transcript