John Heffron and Joe Rogan are in the same house! John is a comedian, actor, writer, and host of his own podcast, The Last Comic Standing. Joe and John talk about what it's like being on the show, how they got into comedy, and what it takes to be a stand up comic in today's age of social media and social media. Joe also talks about how he got his start in comedy and how he went about it, and why he thinks comedy should be more accessible to the younger generation. Joe also shares his thoughts on Kevin Smith and why it's a good thing he's not doing stand up anymore. And, of course, there's a lot more... Thanks to our sponsor, The Fleshlight! Get 15% off the top sex toy for men with code "ROGAN" at checkout, and Joe will give you 15% of the top selling sex toy in the world, the Fleshlight Ultimate Sex Toy Box, which includes the number 1 sex toy you ve all been dreaming of since the beginning of time, the The Joe Rogans Experience! Enjoy, Joe! XOXO, Joe Rogan Experience Logo by Courtney DeKorte Music by Ian Dorsch and John Rocha Artwork by Jeff Kaale ( ) Thank you for all the work you do for the music and production and the amazing work that goes into the music on this episode of the show. Thank you so much for all of the work that went into this podcast. -- we really appreciate it. We really appreciate all the love and support we got back from all of you, it really means a lot of people out there! -- thank you to all the support us with the support and all the hard work and the support we get back from you. We appreciate you, Joe, the support you're amazing, thank you, Thank you, you're the support, we really got back, we appreciate it, we're coming back, and we'll see you back next week with you, next week, we'll get back with more of you next week -- next week we'll send you back with the rest of the stuff we can do it next week :) -- Thank you! -- Joe Rochon, the rest in the next episode with more in the coming weeks with more -- more soon! -- -- - Joe's Back!
00:00:00.000We're never going to get back to that ladies and gentlemen The Joe Rogan Experience Podcast is brought to you by The Fleshlight.
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00:03:06.000We go into a bit and that bit will squeeze every thought out of that bit and use it to transition to another bit.
00:03:14.000And those segues are kind of difficult to do, but it's very important to make sure that the material flows seamlessly together.
00:03:22.000If there's a hiccup in the subjects, then the audience can pick up on it and it doesn't click with their brain as much.
00:03:28.000So it's really hard to do these little five minute sets and break them up because oftentimes one bit will lead into another bit and one bit by itself may only be like two minutes but it causes a ten minute bit because it's the catalyst for all this other stuff that comes after it which you really just can't get away with in a five minute set like that.
00:03:47.000And then if you're used to, not memorizing, but telling stories that way, to go, so what's with McDonald's?
00:04:07.000Do you think that it must have helped you too as a comic, just the challenge of doing that?
00:04:12.000Yeah, so it was all those sets and then literally the next day when I was performing in a bunch of theaters, I felt the need to write a new hour as fast as possible because people wouldn't want to hear what they just heard for nine weeks of network television.
00:04:30.000So, but, so out of the 15 years leading up to last comic, I wrote what I think was a funnier hour, and I've gotten more out of that hour as far as development deals and pitching stuff to networks, in probably two or three months, just out of sheer fear of, I need to come up with new material to survive, or this is gonna stop.
00:04:48.000Louis C.K. just had a video that I found on the internet.
00:04:52.000Somebody posted on the message board where he's talking about George Carlin and how George Carlin inspired him.
00:04:58.000After 15 years, he was doing the same act, literally for 15 years.
00:05:02.000Then he was listening to Carlin talk about how he does comedy, how he does it.
00:05:07.000He throws the whole hour away every year and starts with a new one.
00:07:20.000And I always tell younger comics, the guys who hang out with open micers, with notebooks, at coffee houses, they kind of learn to write that way and they kind of stay at that.
00:07:34.000Every Friday night, come here and watch somebody who's been doing it for 20 years and see what you don't like, see what you do like, and start figuring it out that way.
00:09:30.000And so then there's a part where Ian McGregor, and he's got this horrible bleach hair, and half of it's spent in jail, where there's just a bunch of gay sex going on in jail.
00:13:07.000There's something that people think about him being real big and silly, like Ace Ventura, that somehow or another there's something wrong with that.
00:13:15.000Like it's pandering or it's lowbrow or whatever.
00:14:22.000They made it sound like the whole thing where the prison system was like you could either get soap or you can get sand to clean yourself in the shower.
00:20:57.000Like I had a director account, which I don't know.
00:20:59.000When you first signed up for YouTube back in the day...
00:21:03.000If you made longer videos that were like over 10 minutes, which is what the limit was at that time, you could apply for a thing called a director account, which gave you access to put movies on there.
00:21:14.000Like YouTube was trying to reach out to like small independent directors.
00:22:47.000Well, you might see one of the things that YouTube is when you're watching a video on YouTube, it always defaults to, like a lot of times it defaults to the lowest resolution.
00:23:07.000They're definitely trying to save bandwidth.
00:23:09.000There is settings in your YouTube account that makes it so it's always playing HD and always the best, but it's not defaulted to that.
00:23:16.000Speaking of YouTube, did you see that video that they just put out of the chimps that were locked up and they never saw sunlight for 30 years?
00:23:24.000I believe they were stolen from their mothers at birth and taken to Austria, and they were used in labs where they were shot up with hepatitis and HIV. And then they released them from this and then they let these chimps outside for like the first time ever.
00:23:55.000And when they got outside and they started seeing the sun, they started jumping up and hugging each other.
00:24:01.000Hugging each other and looking out and trying to figure out how to walk on the grass and touching things and hugging each other and laughing.
00:24:09.000Dude, that is the craziest thing that we justify is taking intelligent animals and holding them captive.
00:25:49.000You know, it's like, wow, this doesn't seem to be something that we should be doing in 2011. It doesn't seem like we should be doing any studies on chimps at this stage.
00:27:16.000It's the idea of constant compassion and the need to treat all human beings as absolutely equal despite their past and what they've done.
00:27:25.000Listen, man, if you're some fucking religious person who's completely recanted from your horrible life and it seems that you've done as much as possible to make up for your shitty...
00:27:45.000It's up to us to figure out who the cunts are and just experiment on them, man.
00:27:50.000You're on your fourth trip to Aruba coming back by yourself, even though you and your girlfriend went, yeah, you should get hooked up to your gnats.
00:28:37.000It's a rare possibility, but out of the 300 million people in this country, that's a big number.
00:28:44.000Every now and then one or two is going to pop up and god damn is it heartbreaking.
00:28:47.000Some fucking person who's attracted to the opposite sex but doesn't get what he wants so often and is so psychopathic that he becomes angry at women and wants to kill them.
00:29:29.000Yeah, some of them are like little children, too.
00:29:32.000It's like, you know, you see some girls that are drunk in Vegas that are like 20 years old and hammered, and you're like, wow, that's like a little child.
00:31:40.000Like if I was like one of those douchebaggy guys, all I would have had done is just stick out my hand like every movie and go, take my hand.
00:31:47.000And put her in my jeep and drove away.
00:31:49.000That guy would have been left right there.
00:31:51.000That's ridiculous that you would think that that would work.
00:33:21.000Hey, I got a great cartoon to start watching.
00:33:24.000If you want to show your little kids a cartoon that they can fall in love with, but it will be awesome for you on top of it while being stoned, it's the best for that.
00:33:38.000Yeah, it is the most ridiculous cartoon Fucking cartoon I've ever seen in my life and I'm so addicted to it and it's great for kids.
00:33:47.000Kids will just fucking sit there and love it to death because it's all about princesses and princes and adventures with dragons and horses but it is trippy as fuck.
00:34:24.000Yeah, they have it on Showtime, and what he did is he did a live thing throughout Los Angeles for a while, and then he took it on the road.
00:34:31.000I think he went to New York, and he had a live show of the Playhouse, and they filmed it for, I think, Showtime or HBO. But I tried watching it, and it's completely weird now.
00:34:42.000Is it weird because you know he was beaten off in a movie theater watching...
00:34:45.000No, it's weird because it's like he still looks pretty good.
00:34:49.000He still looks pretty much like Pee Wee, but it's just off a teeny bit where you're like, wait, he has a double chin now.
00:35:48.000If he was a straight guy that got caught jerking off in public, it might be a little more creepy.
00:35:51.000But he's a gay guy, you're like, poor little fella, he's got nowhere to beat off.
00:35:55.000He can't be open about it, he's gotta go watch straight people fucking concentrate on their dicks.
00:36:02.000You know, can't even go to a gay place because he's famous.
00:36:06.000But when that happened, though, didn't he lose his show and actually it knocked him, you know, he was really popular, that happened, and then people took him off the show.
00:38:21.000And for some reason, those whammies were so popular that when that game show was canceled, they were like, we're going to use the whammies on this show now.
00:38:29.000And it was just like, wow, you're just using cartoons from a different game show.
00:38:33.000It just continued the whammy tradition?
00:38:54.000They all would have their own shows now.
00:38:56.000If you look how crazy these people are, every one of them would have a show on Discovery or an A&E. There'd be a reality show about every story that the people...
00:39:56.000They were just trying to buy a Coca-Cola sign from some dude and I wanted to punch the screen.
00:40:00.000But it's a hundred times better than that show on True TV, the pawn shop show that's completely fake, but yet everyone on the show is stars.
00:41:40.000My dad does not go to cash checking places or pawn shops.
00:41:44.000So it seems like the people, the clientele of those two places seem like they would enjoy a place that they can go to do both if they have to.
00:41:51.000I guess that makes sense, but it doesn't make sense because it's two totally different things.
00:41:55.000Like, you're totally broke, you have no money coming in, so you sell a stolen TV. Right.
00:41:59.000You know, that's the difference between having a check to cash and a dispensary.
00:42:03.000We'll give everything your dad won't do.
00:45:30.000Major laboratory testing company offered the cheery news recently that the percentage of American workers who tested positive for illegal drugs last year was the lowest ever.
00:45:41.000The cheery news is that they used to be...
00:45:43.000People are not doing drugs as much because they're buying shit at waterbed stores like myself called Waterbeds and Company, and it was a $20...
00:46:24.000It's your fucking sativa sticks I got.
00:46:28.000No, you need to learn how to handle that shit, son.
00:46:30.000But they sell this shit that you drink, that you drink right before you take a drug test, and so what you're pretty much doing is you're pissing out this shit that's kind of like water, I guess?
00:46:40.000They just did a big thing in- How come I can't answer this question?
00:46:43.000I'm answering this question, what percentage of companies drug test their employees?
00:49:53.000I re-watched the last Joey Diaz podcast last night, and that's the funny thing because when Joey Diaz is going crazy, he kept on going, you need to go to a doctor.
00:58:17.000Yeah, well, no, kind of like, I guess, scary rap.
00:58:19.000Like, I saw one of his videos where, like, everyone has guns in their hands and stuff, kind of like, maybe like a new version of N.W.A., you know, kind of like Scarface.
00:58:27.000You remember when Scarface and Ghetto Boys were, they were considered horror, kind of, like a gangster rap, I guess?
00:59:52.000Okay, in 1991, Bushwickville, either in a suicidal funk or a drunken rage, or as a scheme to have his mother collect on his insurance policy...
01:00:02.000He began goading his 17-year-old girlfriend and shooting him.
01:00:07.000Reports say he had threatened to harm the child they had together if she refused to go through with the deed.
01:00:13.000What actually transpired has never been divulged by either party involved, but either his or her hand, by either his or her hand, Bill caught a slug in his right eye.
01:00:23.000Whoa, shoot me, we're gonna make some money on an insurance policy.
01:02:44.000So just to cover what we're talking about, Brian was hypnotizing us with some story about Do you remember the Coca-Cola shirts in the 80s that were really popular that was kind of like a polo shirt?
01:03:58.000You know what the really crazy thing was?
01:04:00.000Looking at the satellite image of how big the hurricane was.
01:04:03.000When they talked about it was going to take two days to reach Vermont from Florida, or North Carolina, I remember looking at the picture, I'm like, that's the scale?
01:06:12.000I almost drowned as a kid in Coney Island.
01:06:14.000And I was out there, up to your waist, playing with a ball, and all of a sudden, You know, something just sucks you, and you don't know what it is.
01:08:21.000They'll pick you the fuck up and put you somewhere else.
01:08:23.000They got those blanky fucking, just rub bacon milk.
01:08:25.000Anytime you're near water on the East Coast, I used to, there was a, the Charles River was near my house on the East Coast, and I went into the bushes one time with this chick, and we were fucking around, and we had our pants down, and we had to stop because we were getting I just got attacked
01:08:57.000I still remember some of the worst nights when that one mosquito would get into your bedroom and your dad didn't put on the air so it was probably you're sleeping in 85 degree weather and you just hear the one just that one and you can't get it.
01:09:58.000So this guy had to pump gallons and gallons and gallons of poison in there.
01:10:03.000It took like two weeks to clean that fucking thing out.
01:10:06.000He had to pump the filter and pump all the chlorine and gallons and gallons of chlorine, then drain all the water out because it was too poisonous and put new water in it.
01:12:01.000Maybe our grandparents, but the kids used to follow it like an ice cream truck and just run down the street behind that fumigator.
01:12:09.000Dude, there's some guys in my neighborhood, I don't know what the deal is, what they're killing, but they were walking around the other day with fucking masks on their face with these white suits on, and they had these little plastic spray jugs, and they were spraying this shit on the side of the road.
01:12:23.000What the fuck could you be spraying in the road that I want you to spray in the road while you're wearing a gas mask?
01:12:29.000Do you have just an excess amount of this shit and need to kill weeds?
01:13:15.000They don't really kill that many bugs.
01:13:17.000Because the problem with killing bugs is there's some crazy ecosystem out there, man.
01:13:21.000There's a whole sort of a cycle to it.
01:13:22.000And if you squash one thing, like mosquitoes or bugs, you might fuck up some other part of the ecosystem along with it and it might kill birds.
01:13:30.000Did you see the guy, there's a guy who made an entire ecosystem in his house and that's how he keeps spiders and flies away?
01:14:50.000You think you're going to some little kid who's going to name you and you're going to fly around the treasure chest and suddenly you're like, what?
01:15:00.000I used to fish for goldfish and the goldfish in New York are the weirdest thing because you get them out of the Hudson River, which is murky, you put them into clean water and they die.
01:15:37.000When I was a kid, it was funny because Puerto Ricans lived in the Bronx and Brooklyn.
01:15:42.000It's so weird how the nationality thing goes.
01:15:46.000But Puerto Ricans' big weekend out in the old days was to go to Jersey.
01:15:50.000If you watch Copland, you catch the black people under the bridge and Salone's giving them a ticket and they're like, that's the last time we'll come over to Jersey!
01:28:48.000Yeah, and then it gets bigger and bigger.
01:28:50.000And then you think about doing a line, it goes back in the cocoon.
01:28:53.000It's a fucking nightmare doing that shit.
01:28:56.000You want to eat that, but then you're like, okay, I'll just eat your pussy.
01:28:59.000Like you just fucking, all the thoughts I had in my mind, fuck it, I'll just eat your The most embarrassing ones that I've ever had was when I was drunk and I stuttered to fuck.
01:29:07.000And then as I was fucking, the alcohol really kicked in and then I completely lost my boner.
01:29:12.000So I lost it while I was already having sex.
01:29:15.000So it's like, for the girl, it's like a terrible feeling.
01:29:30.000Like, I was like, you're trying not to act like you were, and then I reached down by her, almost like you were going to whisper, and I turned my head and threw up, and tried to do it like a barf bag, where I kind of kept that contained in my back, and then she was like, did you just throw up on my comforter?
01:30:49.000They didn't have all that good stuff back then.
01:30:51.000You basically went and used that shitty ass vacuum that would always catch on the carpet and go...
01:30:57.000Remember, we would catch on the carpet, and you had to pull that fucking carpet off?
01:31:01.000I'd go to the car wash and try to do the entire car with 25 cents.
01:31:04.000It was like the fastest I've ever moved in my entire life.
01:31:06.000You'd have to go to one of those full-service car washes and get them to shampoo your shit, but you don't want to do that, because those monkeys, while they're shampooing your shit, they get fucking suds in your wiring, and then your fucking car shorts out.
01:31:43.000He goes, just push the clutch in, put it in gear, and then slowly let your foot off the gas.
01:31:48.000So I come out of this car wash, this 16-year-old snot-faced kid driving a Porsche, you know, and the guy said, why did you drive it if you didn't know how to do it?
01:35:41.000That's kind of sucked for being a black kid.
01:35:43.000I told you that when we went to Planet of the Apes in an all-black movie theater in Philly, I really started to think about what it must be like to have every fucking movie that they were previewing was all these white people.
01:35:54.000White people, white people, white people.
01:36:20.000Yeah, you know, didn't Dave Chappelle talk about that?
01:36:23.000Yeah, Dave Chappelle had like a, he was on like one of those shows, like Inside the Actor's Studio, where he was like, what is it that when a black man becomes really famous, they want to make him dress as a woman?
01:36:32.000And they showed, then they showed all these pictures of Richard Pryor doing it, and all these different comics doing it, all throughout history, Martin Lawrence doing it, Jamie Foxx doing it, and like, wow, yeah, that is weird.
01:36:44.000Why do all these, what is, what is that?
01:36:47.000Why, why is it, like, Wasn't Flip Wilson like the first film?
01:38:47.000I was just trying to make a joke, dude.
01:38:50.000I don't really believe that there's something gay about watching black dicks.
01:38:53.000I was trying to go on a little comedy rant there, fella.
01:38:56.000But if you want to go on with your little freak shit and talk about how you want, like, watching a girl get fucked in a way that you're not capable of, and that's what really turns you on.
01:41:52.000That fucking Momo thinks he's the first one that fucked her.
01:41:55.000You don't know that she's been swallowing dick up in fucking calabazas when she was 15. Well, he's probably just excited to be with someone famous.
01:42:01.000You know, that brings him into the public eye.
01:42:08.000He's fucking huge and his dick must just curl up in her butt like a snail or something.
01:42:13.000You know, they let that Max Hardcore guy out of jail.
01:42:18.000Speaking of levels of shit, if you don't know who he is, he's a guy who got arrested in Florida because Florida has some crazy laws where if you ship things to their country, they have very strict ideas of what's offensive and what's the word?
01:42:38.000He's got some hardcore shit where he pisses in girls' assholes, holds their asshole open, sticks a straw in it, and makes them drink the piss out of their asshole.
01:43:44.000Only because, as a comic, you go back and you watch it.
01:43:48.000My brain now, I watch 30 seconds, and then at that damn search, I go, I wonder if there's Asian girls with black socks who work at Starbucks.
01:46:47.000Apparently they think that he's cured 100%.
01:46:49.000They fixed it because the area that he kept having a reoccurring diverticulitis area, they just cut that area out and they think he's 100%.
01:46:58.000But they left the central nervous system in and it's still fucking reflecting the shots Kane gave him to the fucking head.
01:47:03.000It still spreads those testicles out all over his body and that gives him the diverticulitis all over again.
01:47:15.000Think about what he's done just to go from pro wrestling with no striking experience whatsoever, enter into mixed martial arts, right into the thick of the game.
01:47:24.000First fucking fight in the UFC, he takes on Frank Mir, who's a former UFC heavyweight champion, gets knee-barred.
01:47:30.000You know, second fight, I believe he took on Randy Couture, right?
01:50:19.000And all of a sudden, Koschek steps in, who's a really fucking good wrestler, and is a big welterweight, and has been thinking about fighting at 185, and was actually campaigning to try to fight in the San Jose UFC in November.
01:50:31.000So here you've got a guy who can fight at 185. Big.
01:50:35.000You know, Diego can't fight at 185. I mean, he did.
01:52:36.000If you go back to watch that fight in Pride, man, he beat Krokop in their first fight, or maybe it was a draw, I think, because they had weird rules, like you could only go to the ground for like 30 seconds.
01:52:45.000But Vandele took a lot of hard fucking kicks to the body.
01:52:49.000That was when Krokop was in his prime.
01:52:51.000Krokop didn't have a sprawl yet, though.
01:52:53.000He wasn't confident enough with his takedown defense to have a full MMA fight.
01:52:57.000But by the time they fought the second time, man, that was Cro-Cop in his prime.
01:55:27.000That BJ Penn fight, when BJ was talking all that shit, man, you could see the determination grow in George's eyes.
01:55:33.000And George is a disciplined motherfucker.
01:55:36.000And one of the things about guys that are truly, truly disciplined and really in amazing condition, like Nick Diaz as well, is that these guys know that they can push a pace that most people will drown under.
01:55:48.000So they'll fucking force it because they know you might be talented, but maybe you didn't get up early enough.
01:55:57.000Maybe you didn't take the right vitamins.
01:55:59.000Maybe you didn't fucking put in 100% and stack your training correctly and have a professional A physical trainer working with you, monitoring your heart.
01:56:12.000He just put him in a position where he forced him to work real hard from the beginning, tired his muscles out, and started taking him down and beating the fuck out of him.
01:56:20.000And the way he did it was genius, man.
01:56:22.000And the way he did it was fueled by that determination that was brought on by that shit-talking.
01:57:56.000Like, he got in the guy's face and was doing, like, pulling arrows and stomping on the ground and doing his little dance.
01:58:02.000And the dude didn't know whether he should give ground, so the dude was, like, backed up in the corner while Buakau was standing in front of him doing this little dance.
02:02:57.000Like, oh, my friend hooked me up with a good, solid laugh in here.
02:03:00.000Because a lot of times you do this, not the same bit, but you're just so close to it that you don't see it from that little...
02:03:05.000It's a little bit of an angle or something.
02:03:07.000If we were both going to write a joke about anything, if we were both going to write a joke about coffee, you would come from one place and I would come from another.
02:03:15.000Even though we're both comics and we both would see some obvious points.
02:03:21.000There was a joke that I did that I found out that Ellen DeGeneres had done a joke just like it years before.
02:03:26.000And I had never seen Ellen do it, but the premise is really obvious.
02:03:29.000And the premise is about penguins being monogamous.
02:03:32.000And the premise is, well, they both look the same.
02:03:57.00090% of comedians would instantly go to that.
02:04:00.000But it's like, your take from there on, once you get that, then it's going to be like, some people go like, Duncan would get real weird with it.
02:04:07.000He would find some fucking weird spiritual angle.
02:04:10.000Well, they say in the Bhagavad Gita, and he would come out and you would have a different angle.
02:05:01.000This past week, I was trying to think of situations back in the day when guys were preparing for battle, but their wives were still in their brain.
02:05:10.000Because I was trying to go, ladies, every once in a while, your guy gets a look on his face.
02:06:11.000And the next night I was at the improv, and there he is with Louis C.K. and DiPaolo.
02:06:15.000And what he was doing was, you know, he would get his advance from HBO and give everybody a taste, and go during the week, I want Jenny, DiPaolo, and you.
02:06:24.000You guys each come up with 15. I'll do 15. We gotta party.
02:07:24.000Unquestionably one of the greatest of all time.
02:07:25.000And the stronger voice you have, the more you can have other people write.
02:07:28.000I mean, look at any of the blue-collar guys.
02:07:31.000There's teams of guys that kind of fill those mouths.
02:07:36.000My point is that you can take credit for your own work, but to think that somehow or another your work is better because you've come up with it completely on your own as opposed to someone who hired a bunch of writers, it's kind of silly, right?
02:07:46.000I mean, he's just trying to get a different point of view and perspective, but ultimately it's coming out of his mouth.
02:07:51.000It's going to be his voice, and he assigned those writers to help him with this.
02:08:28.000And then you would argue over how the material gets delivered.
02:08:30.000As long as Joe Diaz was in charge, if you went out and hired a bunch of stuff, they brought you things, and you're like, okay, this is good.
02:09:51.000I need to wear one of those body bugs.
02:09:54.000I would like to see those, uh, they got those things now you can do your heart rate, calories and stuff and you hook it up to your computer.
02:12:41.000There's a scene from one of the Star Wars where Obi-Wan's about to fight the Sith, and there's a force field in front of him, and he's rocking.
02:13:18.000So what I do is I imagine the greatest show ever, just literally, because your brain doesn't know something that didn't happen to you.
02:13:26.000If I was asked you, tell me about lunch you had with your family yesterday and you told me, you couldn't really tell me the way the lunch actually went down.
02:13:35.000You've deleted, distorted, and generalized.
02:13:37.000Every situation in your life to what's important to you, right?
02:13:40.000Where I could ask, let's say your wife, tell me about lunch, and she would almost give me, it'd be similar, but maybe she was paying attention to the TV that was on above you, and in your story, you didn't tell me about the TV. It's kind of what people are, what you're looking out for, because you have, this is wrong numbers, but like 70 billion bits of information.
02:14:00.000Your body's trying to figure out right now.
02:14:01.000And you narrow that down to seven plus or minus two pieces of info at any given moment.
02:14:08.000Like if I was to ask you, what's the temperature like in here?
02:14:11.000Unless you were focused on it, unless you were sweaty, the temperature might not even bend in the equation while we're having this conversation.
02:14:18.000So with that, I imagine the greatest show...
02:15:07.000So I squeeze my thumb, and then sometimes when I'm in an awesome mood, or even if I come home and my dogs, their tails are wagging, and I'm like, oh, this is great, I'll squeeze my thumb.
02:15:18.000And when I'm on stage, if I get a big laugh or say something that was really funny, I'll squeeze my thumb.
02:15:26.000You put happy feelings or good feelings into that thumb.
02:15:29.000So then for the days when you don't feel like going on stage or you got in an argument right before you went on stage, like self-hypnosis, you squeeze that thumb and it puts you right back to that place.
02:15:50.000If you think it works, then it completely works.
02:15:53.000You just have to convince yourself that it works.
02:15:55.000I see you're not wearing your balance bracelet anymore.
02:15:58.000And when I was at the mall the other day, some guy was trying to sell me on it, and I asked if you've got a balance bracelet on both hands if it's better, and he said yes.
02:16:16.000One of the things that Arking Ropes of Jism from the forum, you know, Phil, the English dude, he posted on the forum an interesting observation that this guy had where people have done studies and showed that they actually did help athletic performance.
02:16:29.000And the reason is because people thought they helped.
02:16:31.000And that is somehow enough, even, ready for this, even if you know it's bullshit.
02:16:37.000Even people that knew it was bullshit, knew there was no physical way that this bracelet could give you better balance and make you athletically perform better, they would give it to people and they would still find significant benefit in it.
02:16:51.000It's like somehow or another just opening the door to something making you better can make you better.
02:16:55.000Or what happens a lot of times when you start talking, let's say we're talking about nerves or shitty, if we keep it, the show.
02:17:01.000You start thinking, oh, the show sucks.
02:17:03.000Oh, but that person's probably going to heckle.
02:17:04.000And what happens is you talk yourself into a really shitty show.
02:17:42.000Well, let me tell you something, what Brian did.
02:17:44.000I mean, people would say that Brian had like a shortcut, and Brian, you know, all he had to do was just start doing open mics, and we had him in front of packed houses.
02:17:52.000Brian went up in Austin fucking Texas after Joey Diaz killed.
02:18:46.000First of all, that's a badass old school club to have that club to go up for your First time on a sold out show, on a fucking Friday night, a late night show, midnight show, he fucking goes on stage and kills.
02:18:59.000Not only did he kill, he pulled himself out of a downward spiral.
02:19:03.000Like he did really good in the beginning and then he started bombing.
02:19:06.000And he figured out a way to pull himself out of the bombing.
02:19:11.000When you have a lot of ego, that's when you can never pull out of a bombing.
02:19:14.000A person who takes themselves super seriously and then gets devastated on stage by a joke choking, those are the people that can't pull out of the bombing.
02:19:21.000I'm to the point in my life, when I get another fucking email about stand-up or another twit, And you put me off or people come up to you and talk to you and put you off.
02:19:31.000I'm at the point in stand-up I want to just say get the fuck away from me.
02:19:34.000So whenever I see somebody like Brian do the stand-up rap and go about it ball-less, you know, because it's completely out of Brian's brain, he just goes out.
02:20:03.000It took me six months of canceling at the Comedy Works and then showing up and finally doing it and then you get hooked.
02:20:09.000But I do give you a lot of love for that, Brian.
02:20:12.000Probably one of the fucking reasons why I talk to you is because you don't give a fuck when it comes to stand-up.
02:20:16.000And as soon as you get to our stage, you'll walk up to me and say, where's the drink ticket, bitch?
02:20:19.000There was a kid I used to do open mic nights with back in Boston, and I was kind of half-assing it in the beginning.
02:20:25.000I was into it, but I wasn't into it because I was still fighting at the time, and I was still working full-time.
02:20:30.000So I was still fighting in kickboxing tournaments and shit, so I was training pretty much every night and then trying to go do stand-up afterwards.
02:20:38.000And some fucking kid that I did open mic nights with goes, you were pretty funny when you first started out, man, but you seemed to have kind of fizzled.
02:25:14.000Brian's taking his ball and going home.
02:25:16.000So listen, we're near the end of the podcast because I've got to get the fuck out of here because I'm going to the premiere of Warrior tonight.
02:28:16.000It was a fun little club where we all got in and fucked around and people knew that they could go there pretty much any weekend and see some fun shit.
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