The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #135 - Joey Diaz & John Heffron

00:00:00.000 We're never going to get back to that ladies and gentlemen The Joe Rogan Experience Podcast is brought to you by The Fleshlight.

00:00:15.000 If you go to JoeRogan.net and click on the link for The Fleshlight and enter in the code name ROGAN, you will get 15% off the number one sex toy for men.

00:00:27.000 With that said, holla at your boy. 1.00

00:00:29.000 John Heffron's in the motherfucking house. 0.99

00:00:31.000 Joe Diaz on the way. 1.00

00:00:32.000 Joe Rogan experience. 0.99

00:00:34.000 We're rolling Hey everybody What the fuck? 0.99

00:00:50.000 What's going on? 0.99

00:00:51.000 Hi, Joe.

00:00:52.000 My pal, my neighbor, winner of Last Comic Standing, the great John Heffron is in the house.

00:00:59.000 John, if you don't know, has his own podcast now with another hilarious guy, John Reap, who also is a winner of Last Comic Standing.

00:01:06.000 So, two Last Comic Standing champions together on one podcast.

00:01:11.000 What do you guys call it?

00:01:12.000 We're calling it The Last Podcasting.

00:01:14.000 The Last Podcasting.

00:01:15.000 Yeah, we couldn't figure out the name.

00:01:17.000 I didn't want to kind of have a silly name. 0.90

00:01:19.000 Kevin Smith took the rubber off your thing. 0.65

00:01:22.000 Will you stuff it back on?

00:01:22.000 Yeah, he's real particular.

00:01:24.000 I think these things are good.

00:01:26.000 The spit shields. 0.99

00:01:27.000 People don't like that popping shit in their ear. 0.99

00:01:29.000 But Kevin Smith likes to hear it raw. 1.00

00:01:31.000 Because he takes it low, Joe.

00:01:33.000 I'm sorry.

00:01:33.000 What do you call it again?

00:01:34.000 What's the podcast called?

00:01:35.000 The Last Podcasting.

00:01:36.000 The Last Podcasting.

00:01:37.000 The last one?

00:01:38.000 Are you claiming this?

00:01:39.000 Is it?

00:01:39.000 No one after you?

00:01:42.000 Just because it's obviously playing on Last Comic Standing, we didn't know if you wanted to call it...

00:01:46.000 Think of it with a clown horn behind it.

00:01:48.000 Is Last Comic Standing such a big thing in your life that you would do that?

00:01:53.000 When you look back at your accomplishments as a comic, is that the number one thing?

00:01:58.000 I don't think so personally, but it's one of those things you don't know where your path would have went to.

00:02:03.000 So if I didn't do the show, would I just be that headliner who makes nothing just with a couple specials?

00:02:10.000 And it's kind of different than doing stand-up, isn't it?

00:02:13.000 Because you're doing stand-up in these little short bursts for an audience and you're trying to get them to vote for you.

00:02:19.000 Did you find yourself altering your material or...

00:02:22.000 Well, because I'm long, not long-winded, but my jokes are long.

00:02:28.000 So I'll stick with the same subject and have jokes every couple seconds.

00:02:31.000 So to do a four and a half, five minute set is really hard for me.

00:02:35.000 And I did, on my season, I did 12 five minute TV sets, not repeating stuff.

00:02:41.000 So my brain doesn't click together small sets like that.

00:02:44.000 So that was, you know, that was the difficult part.

00:02:46.000 That must have been a big challenge.

00:02:47.000 12...

00:02:48.000 I did twelve.

00:02:49.000 Five minute sets.

00:02:50.000 And other seasons.

00:02:51.000 So a whole hour of completely different material.

00:02:54.000 I got challenged almost every episode.

00:02:56.000 So you perform, then the next show.

00:02:58.000 And for people that don't understand why that would be a big deal.

00:03:01.000 Here's why it would be a big deal for a guy like John or a guy like me.

00:03:03.000 We have similar writing styles.

00:03:06.000 We go into a bit and that bit will squeeze every thought out of that bit and use it to transition to another bit.

00:03:14.000 And those segues are kind of difficult to do, but it's very important to make sure that the material flows seamlessly together.

00:03:22.000 If there's a hiccup in the subjects, then the audience can pick up on it and it doesn't click with their brain as much.

00:03:28.000 So it's really hard to do these little five minute sets and break them up because oftentimes one bit will lead into another bit and one bit by itself may only be like two minutes but it causes a ten minute bit because it's the catalyst for all this other stuff that comes after it which you really just can't get away with in a five minute set like that.

00:03:47.000 And then if you're used to, not memorizing, but telling stories that way, to go, so what's with McDonald's?

00:03:52.000 I was in a car recently.

00:03:53.000 I hate flying.

00:03:54.000 And do that, your brain doesn't usually...

00:03:56.000 It's harder for me to, let's say, know or remember perfectly a four and a half minute set than it would be for an hour and a half.

00:04:04.000 Because it's so disjointed for me.

00:04:07.000 Do you think that it must have helped you too as a comic, just the challenge of doing that?

00:04:12.000 Yeah, so it was all those sets and then literally the next day when I was performing in a bunch of theaters, I felt the need to write a new hour as fast as possible because people wouldn't want to hear what they just heard for nine weeks of network television.

00:04:30.000 Of course.

00:04:30.000 So, but, so out of the 15 years leading up to last comic, I wrote what I think was a funnier hour, and I've gotten more out of that hour as far as development deals and pitching stuff to networks, in probably two or three months, just out of sheer fear of, I need to come up with new material to survive, or this is gonna stop.

00:04:48.000 Louis C.K. just had a video that I found on the internet.

00:04:52.000 Somebody posted on the message board where he's talking about George Carlin and how George Carlin inspired him.

00:04:58.000 After 15 years, he was doing the same act, literally for 15 years.

00:05:02.000 Then he was listening to Carlin talk about how he does comedy, how he does it.

00:05:07.000 He throws the whole hour away every year and starts with a new one.

00:05:10.000 And Louis thought it was so crazy.

00:05:12.000 He was crying in the car while he was listening to this. 0.98

00:05:15.000 He was like, I fucking hate what I'm doing. 0.99

00:05:18.000 I hate my stand-up. 0.97

00:05:20.000 But because of that challenge, look how good he is now.

00:05:22.000 And it's funny.

00:05:24.000 I think habits are definitely contagious.

00:05:26.000 You hang out with certain people that do certain things.

00:05:28.000 You'll do that.

00:05:29.000 I just saw Louis in San Francisco.

00:05:31.000 I had a show.

00:05:32.000 And then I went to his midnight show and watched him.

00:05:36.000 And I left in the week after.

00:05:38.000 I just saw this a couple weeks ago.

00:05:40.000 On stage, I think I did 15 minutes of new stuff just because the ceiling was raised.

00:05:46.000 You go, I do really well.

00:05:48.000 I crush it.

00:05:48.000 And then you see somebody who is working on a new hour.

00:05:51.000 And I heard from the club.

00:05:53.000 He went there Wednesday, figured out some stuff.

00:05:55.000 And by Sunday, they go, in those four days, his stuff became so tight.

00:05:59.000 Because he'd go home and he'd write.

00:06:00.000 So it inspired me to go, I'm going to do the same thing.

00:06:04.000 And so I'm restructuring everything for that reason, where you just get bored on stage. 0.96

00:06:09.000 Yeah, getting inspired by other comics is the greatest fucking thing ever. 0.93

00:06:12.000 It's a humbling thing, you know? 0.99

00:06:14.000 You see someone who's really killing it.

00:06:16.000 And it's just how a regular person watches stand-up and they can't really quite believe that someone can do that.

00:06:21.000 There's a lot of people that watch stand-up and they can't imagine themselves doing it.

00:06:25.000 Well, that same feeling, you kind of get that same feeling when you watch someone who's really great at it.

00:06:30.000 When you watch someone who's really great at it, you're like... 0.99

00:06:32.000 Whoa, this motherfucker's just hitting heights. 1.00

00:06:34.000 You don't even want to know if you can do that. 1.00

00:06:36.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:06:37.000 You don't even want to think about it.

00:06:39.000 All you want to do is just get to work.

00:06:40.000 Yeah, it's kind of like when that guy ran the first four-minute mile.

00:06:45.000 And then everybody else started falling in.

00:06:46.000 They're like, oh, there's a whole other...

00:06:48.000 Yeah, except you can think about running fast.

00:06:51.000 You can't think about getting funnier.

00:06:53.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:06:54.000 You just have to work.

00:06:55.000 You just have to work at it.

00:06:56.000 But when I say you can't think about getting funnier, you can.

00:07:00.000 That's wrong.

00:07:02.000 I mean, you can be unhappy and decide to improve.

00:07:05.000 But you can't be thinking about it while you're up there.

00:07:07.000 I have to be funnier.

00:07:08.000 I have to be funnier. 1.00

00:07:09.000 You just have to be in that fucking groove. 1.00

00:07:11.000 You know what I mean? 1.00

00:07:12.000 You can't be thinking...

00:07:14.000 That's a thing that people don't understand.

00:07:16.000 You can't think I'm going to try to be funny.

00:07:18.000 You can't.

00:07:18.000 Yeah, no, you're right.

00:07:19.000 Right?

00:07:20.000 And I always tell younger comics, the guys who hang out with open micers, with notebooks, at coffee houses, they kind of learn to write that way and they kind of stay at that.

00:07:31.000 I tell young guys, got any advice?

00:07:34.000 Yeah.

00:07:34.000 Every Friday night, come here and watch somebody who's been doing it for 20 years and see what you don't like, see what you do like, and start figuring it out that way.

00:07:44.000 You know what I mean? 0.96

00:07:47.000 Yeah, it's a fucking tricky game, this stand-up comedy. 0.96

00:07:50.000 But for me, this last week, this happened. 0.97

00:07:53.000 After 23 years and how I write, I saw Louie.

00:07:57.000 Got motivated in a sense of, okay, I'm going to start challenging myself there.

00:08:02.000 And then I decided to rework my entire act, like in this crazy, no one will know the system that I have.

00:08:10.000 But yet, it got me really, really excited to do stand-up.

00:08:13.000 So this whole week when I was in Tampa...

00:08:14.000 No one will know the system that you have, What do you mean?

00:08:17.000 If you were watching, you would never know that this went down, but I want to construct my whole act as the hero's journey.

00:08:24.000 Like in every movie you see, about 10 minutes into the movie, something crazy happens to the character that spins him off in the movie.

00:08:30.000 Well, I'm trying to put my whole act together where at 10 minutes in, I tell you, I gotta make a decision.

00:08:37.000 I might want to get divorced. 0.96

00:08:38.000 And then suddenly the crowd's like, what?

00:08:40.000 And then it's my journey, and then the thing.

00:08:42.000 I got this huge master plan.

00:08:43.000 It's how I've always done my act, but I'm really going to try to hit beats, where suddenly...

00:08:48.000 So that means you're going to have a romantic part in the middle of it, too.

00:08:51.000 It's going to be romantic, and then there's going to be a switch, but you would never know.

00:08:54.000 But listening, you're just going to laugh.

00:08:55.000 Speaking of romantic, what is this Jim Carrey gay movie you were telling about?

00:08:58.000 It's something called, like, Philip Morris.

00:09:01.000 I love Philip Morris.

00:09:02.000 And it was a Netflix film.

00:09:04.000 I was like, wow, I like Jim Carrey and Ewan McGregor.

00:09:06.000 And then I'm, like, laying in bed last night after watching Red State, and I watched it, and I was, like, disgusted. 0.85

00:09:14.000 There was parts where Jim Carrey was fucking guys from behind very violently, and he has, like, a shirt off, and he's like... 0.98

00:09:21.000 And the guy's like, come in me! 0.99

00:09:22.000 Come in me! 0.99

00:09:23.000 What?

00:09:23.000 And I'm like, what?

00:09:24.000 That's too far.

00:09:26.000 They crossed the line. 1.00

00:09:27.000 Ace Ventura is now a fucking... 1.00

00:09:29.000 Whatever. 1.00

00:09:30.000 And so then there's a part where Ian McGregor, and he's got this horrible bleach hair, and half of it's spent in jail, where there's just a bunch of gay sex going on in jail. 0.99

00:09:39.000 And they make it... 0.94

00:09:40.000 At the beginning of the movie, they say, this all happened.

00:09:42.000 This is a real story, or something like that.

00:09:45.000 And it is the most...

00:09:48.000 Craziness...

00:09:48.000 The most craziness movie?

00:09:50.000 I'm trying to censor myself. 0.97

00:09:52.000 It's the gayest movie I've ever seen in my life. 1.00

00:09:54.000 Why can't you say gayest? 1.00

00:09:54.000 Because I don't want to hurt anybody's feelings. 1.00

00:09:56.000 I don't want to hurt retards' feelings. 1.00

00:09:58.000 Well, you're not...

00:09:58.000 Hold on.

00:09:59.000 Two guys having sex with each other is pretty gay. 1.00

00:10:01.000 Brian. 1.00

00:10:02.000 That was a joke.

00:10:03.000 I'm just kidding.

00:10:04.000 Oh, Brian.

00:10:05.000 Oh, Brian.

00:10:06.000 That needs to be on a shirt. 0.62

00:10:07.000 It was the weirdest thing seeing two guys just making out that you're...

00:10:11.000 It was like Brokeback Mountain for Comedy.

00:10:13.000 On mouth to mouth like that.

00:10:15.000 Like you're making out with a Jedi. 1.00

00:10:16.000 What the fuck are you doing? 1.00

00:10:20.000 Ewan McGregor was just making out with dudes? 1.00

00:10:21.000 Yes.

00:10:22.000 Tongue, the whole thing? 1.00

00:10:23.000 Jim Carrey was just fucking super gay. 1.00

00:10:26.000 Yeah, I don't need to see that. 1.00

00:10:28.000 It's awful, dude. 1.00

00:10:29.000 You know how when most rated R movies, you never see a girl's pussy? 1.00

00:10:34.000 Yeah, they never show that. 1.00

00:10:34.000 They never bend over and show you their pussy? 1.00

00:10:37.000 Right. 1.00

00:10:37.000 But yeah, you'll see them naked. 1.00

00:10:39.000 It's okay.

00:10:40.000 I understand.

00:10:41.000 I understand that this is going on.

00:10:42.000 If there's a guy kissing another guy, I feel like you don't have to show me their tongue touching.

00:10:46.000 I believe you.

00:10:47.000 Yeah.

00:10:48.000 That's when you reach, you're going to the refrigerator, get some bagel bites, start microwaving those, look down for, yeah.

00:10:54.000 Yeah, you want to freak me out?

00:10:55.000 Get dudes touching tongues that I know are straight.

00:10:58.000 That's why it's so hard.

00:11:00.000 When you've got a straight actor and another straight actor and you're making them make out, what kind of... 0.98

00:11:05.000 Crazy gay fantasy is this? 1.00

00:11:07.000 The whole movie is based on dirty, raunchy, gay sex. 1.00

00:11:11.000 Really? 1.00

00:11:11.000 How many times has this happened? 1.00

00:11:12.000 It's like they took Brokeback Mountain.

00:11:13.000 They were like, dude, we're going to go times two. 1.00

00:11:15.000 We're just going to have Jim Carrey and a fucking Jedi just fucking everywhere and butt sex and sex. 1.00

00:11:20.000 Was it a comedy or was it like a... 1.00

00:11:22.000 Absolutely not funny.

00:11:24.000 The whole time I was sitting there acting like I'm asleep so my girlfriend wouldn't think I was gay watching this movie.

00:11:30.000 But is it supposed to be a funny movie?

00:11:33.000 Is it supposed to be a comedy?

00:11:34.000 I don't think so.

00:11:35.000 Rotten Tomatoes gave it a 71%. 0.95

00:11:37.000 That's pretty goddamn strong. 0.99

00:11:40.000 They're all cocksuckers at Rotten Tomatoes. 1.00

00:11:43.000 Damn, we need to see this. 1.00

00:11:44.000 Allegedly. 0.99

00:11:45.000 We don't know everybody here.

00:11:46.000 Allegedly.

00:11:47.000 We know. 0.99

00:11:49.000 Roger Ebert loves man to woman sex. 0.99

00:11:52.000 I need to see this. 0.99

00:11:53.000 Officer turned con man who makes the leap to white collar criminal after being sent to prison.

00:11:59.000 Don't need to see it, man.

00:12:01.000 Also, the whole movie Jim Carrey... 0.99

00:12:02.000 Doesn't say anything about crazy butt sex in here. 0.97

00:12:04.000 The whole movie Jim Carrey's looked so weird. 0.97

00:12:07.000 I couldn't tell if he was wearing a wig or if he just had the creepiest hair ever.

00:12:11.000 Like, if he was in character. 0.94

00:12:13.000 Because it was kind of like Forrest Gump for gay people. 0.98

00:12:15.000 Or something like that. 1.00

00:12:16.000 He's like, I then went to prison and decided to suck that guy's dick. 1.00

00:12:20.000 It was from Texas. 1.00

00:12:22.000 It took place in Texas.

00:12:23.000 Right.

00:12:24.000 And it was like they all had that little twine like that.

00:12:26.000 Right.

00:12:26.000 Like bubble shrimp.

00:12:28.000 But it...

00:12:29.000 I don't remember what I was talking about. 0.85

00:12:32.000 Butt sick. 0.99

00:12:33.000 You were talking about butt sex and Jim Carrey. 1.00

00:12:36.000 Oh, but Jim Carrey looked really creepy. 0.98

00:12:38.000 He had this weird headline.

00:12:41.000 I can't tell if it's really his hair receding. 1.00

00:12:44.000 Or he had a weird dumb and dumber haircut. 0.99

00:12:47.000 It was creepy on top of already a creepy movie. 0.99

00:12:51.000 Jim Carrey's a good actor, man.

00:12:53.000 There's a lot of people that don't give that guy credit. 0.99

00:12:55.000 He can fucking freak you out. 0.96

00:12:57.000 That cable guy thing, remember when he played that cable guy? 0.99

00:12:59.000 That was a weird role, man.

00:13:01.000 He played that good. 1.00

00:13:02.000 He can do some shit, man. 1.00

00:13:04.000 I'm a big Jim Carrey fan. 1.00

00:13:06.000 I know a lot of people. 0.72

00:13:07.000 There's something that people think about him being real big and silly, like Ace Ventura, that somehow or another there's something wrong with that. 0.90

00:13:15.000 Like it's pandering or it's lowbrow or whatever. 0.74

00:13:18.000 I just think he's funny.

00:13:19.000 I don't need to be intellectualized with my funniness. 1.00

00:13:23.000 Now imagine him sucking a dick. 1.00

00:13:24.000 Watch this movie. 1.00

00:13:26.000 I can't.

00:13:26.000 He even has that hair, too, where it goes down, kind of like River Phoenix.

00:13:30.000 Dude, he was sucking dick, fucking guys in asses. 1.00

00:13:33.000 He was, like, not showing it, obviously, but... 1.00

00:13:36.000 It was very gross.

00:13:37.000 But they did show him kissing. 0.54

00:13:38.000 Oh, they showed him making out with tongues.

00:13:39.000 There was spit-sling between the guy's lips. 1.00

00:13:41.000 I'd almost rather see a dude fucking a guy in the ass than kissing him. 1.00

00:13:45.000 Yeah, with the spit-sling, too. 1.00

00:13:47.000 Yeah, because kissing is disgusting regardless.

00:13:50.000 Well, I know a dude with a heart on is very confused as it is. 0.99

00:13:54.000 You know, a dude with a heart on is basically just a sperm machine. 0.99

00:13:57.000 You're just managing this fucking unstoppable... 1.00

00:14:01.000 Sperm machine that's on autopilot. 1.00

00:14:03.000 That's what a dude with a hard-on is. 1.00

00:14:04.000 So if you just woke up and you found your dick in a guy's ass, like, goddammit, now what to do? 1.00

00:14:10.000 There's a big difference between... 1.00

00:14:11.000 Like kissing, that's like a thing.

00:14:13.000 Do I go in first?

00:14:14.000 Do I tilt my head?

00:14:15.000 You're really thinking about... 1.00

00:14:16.000 Yeah, guys fuck guys in prison, but I bet they don't kiss too much. 1.00

00:14:20.000 Probably don't kiss dudes in prison. 1.00

00:14:22.000 They made it sound like the whole thing where the prison system was like you could either get soap or you can get sand to clean yourself in the shower. 1.00

00:14:32.000 You get soap if you suck my dick. 1.00

00:14:33.000 Things like that. 1.00

00:14:34.000 They made it seem like the prison system was all completely about sucking dick. 1.00

00:14:38.000 Like if you want your mail, you have to suck my dick. 1.00

00:14:41.000 It might be. 1.00

00:14:42.000 It might be, man.

00:14:45.000 I want to know if this is, one, a true story.

00:14:47.000 I don't think it is or not.

00:14:48.000 But two, if the guy...

00:14:50.000 I want to know if it's a true story.

00:14:54.000 I was too tired because it was like 6am.

00:14:57.000 I was too tired to Google the guy's real name to see if it was a real story or not.

00:15:02.000 I bet it is. 0.99

00:15:03.000 Oh, get the fuck out of here. 0.99

00:15:04.000 I bet it happened at the Abbey. 0.99

00:15:05.000 Didn't I just look it up?

00:15:07.000 Huh?

00:15:07.000 Yeah, I don't know.

00:15:08.000 Didn't I just look it up?

00:15:08.000 See if it's a real story.

00:15:09.000 That's all I want to know.

00:15:10.000 What, a real story of just a guy hooking up with another guy? 1.00

00:15:13.000 Like a real guy about scam artists that just love to suck dick. 1.00

00:15:16.000 Bad Santa co-screenwriters Glenn Ficarra and John Requia. 0.99

00:15:21.000 Sorry guys if I said your name wrong.

00:15:23.000 Bad Santa.

00:15:24.000 Totally Bad Santa. 1.00

00:15:25.000 Yeah, well these guys are psychos. 0.99

00:15:26.000 Those Bad Santa guys are psychos. 0.98

00:15:29.000 Oh, I need to see this, man. 1.00

00:15:31.000 They're probably just sitting around like, let's see Jim Carrey suck some dick. 1.00

00:15:34.000 Dude, I need to see this. 1.00

00:15:35.000 I did not know that this was such a fabulous movie.

00:15:37.000 I never yet.

00:15:38.000 Would you imagine just sitting going, I'm going to write a script. 1.00

00:15:41.000 You sit down and your first thought is, guys sucking dick. 1.00

00:15:44.000 That's not like that. 1.00

00:15:46.000 How can I do an action movie with guys?

00:15:49.000 Why not, dude? 1.00

00:15:50.000 Listen, if you can make a really good movie about guys sucking dick, good for you, man. 1.00

00:15:54.000 Maybe this movie... 1.00

00:15:56.000 Brian disagrees on a lot of movies.

00:15:59.000 Maybe this is an amazing movie.

00:16:00.000 Because look, it has 71% on Rotten Tomatoes.

00:16:04.000 Rotten Tomatoes, 71% is strong.

00:16:06.000 I'm just a Jim Carrey fan.

00:16:06.000 I think the biggest thing was seeing Jim Carrey do it.

00:16:09.000 You have to watch Ian McGregor, two people I love.

00:16:12.000 Here's the big test.

00:16:13.000 Ready?

00:16:13.000 Here's the big test.

00:16:15.000 Okay, I say I trust Rotten Tomatoes.

00:16:18.000 I say Rotten Tomatoes generally represents how I feel about movies.

00:16:22.000 It's pretty accurate.

00:16:23.000 So let's type in...

00:16:27.000 Boondock Saints.

00:16:29.000 And this will be it for me.

00:16:32.000 Type in Red State. 0.58

00:16:34.000 Oh, I wrote Boondock Saints.

00:16:39.000 John, have you seen this Jim Carrey movie?

00:16:42.000 No, I have not.

00:16:43.000 Will you watch it?

00:16:44.000 Not after that ring.

00:16:45.000 No.

00:16:48.000 17%.

00:16:48.000 Okay.

00:16:50.000 Yeah, look.

00:16:50.000 Rotten Tomatoes is on point.

00:16:52.000 Rotten Tomatoes is on point.

00:16:53.000 Alright, type in Red State.

00:16:55.000 If it says 71, then that movie is good.

00:16:56.000 Type in Red State. 0.87

00:16:57.000 Don't be a douche. 0.95

00:16:58.000 Don't be a douche. 0.87

00:16:59.000 Yeah, but you loved Red State.

00:17:00.000 That was like the best movie ever, right?

00:17:01.000 Think about what you're doing.

00:17:04.000 I haven't seen it.

00:17:05.000 I don't know what it is.

00:17:06.000 40%.

00:17:06.000 That's...

00:17:07.000 I really liked that movie.

00:17:09.000 I thought it was way better than that.

00:17:11.000 But I've talked to people online who didn't like it, man.

00:17:13.000 Rotten Tomatoes is not accurate 100%. 0.97

00:17:15.000 I think it is, and I think Philip Morris might be the best butt-fucking movie in the history of the movies. 0.81

00:17:21.000 I think I gotta go with that. 0.96

00:17:22.000 I wish Rotten Tomatoes was just tuned in to what you like.

00:17:26.000 You could say, give me your favorite movies.

00:17:28.000 Maybe there's a program like that.

00:17:29.000 You could say, give me your favorite movies.

00:17:31.000 What music do you listen to?

00:17:34.000 You married, single, divorced.

00:17:35.000 How old are you?

00:17:37.000 Are you healthy?

00:17:38.000 Do you exercise? 1.00

00:17:39.000 Throw that shit into a computer. 1.00

00:17:40.000 Are you stoned? 1.00

00:17:40.000 Are you drunk? 1.00

00:17:41.000 Are you sleepy every time you want to watch a movie?

00:17:44.000 Just tell me what's good out there, man.

00:17:45.000 Do you eat?

00:17:46.000 Do you go to Cheesecake before the movie and get full?

00:17:49.000 What do you do?

00:17:49.000 That problem is that you'll never expand.

00:17:51.000 You'll never become someone other than who you are.

00:17:53.000 They'll just keep giving you the same influences.

00:17:55.000 I know.

00:17:56.000 iTunes, with their genius, they kind of do that with music.

00:17:58.000 They do.

00:17:59.000 It's pretty dope.

00:18:00.000 And a lot of times, you go, yeah, I would have put together this playlist.

00:18:04.000 I just got Apple TV. Dude, it's fucking... 0.99

00:18:08.000 Awesome. 0.99

00:18:08.000 It's beautiful. 0.99

00:18:09.000 It's incredible.

00:18:10.000 Have you done the thing where you film video with your phone and then you just push a button and it plays it on your phone?

00:18:15.000 Oh, you flick it.

00:18:15.000 Yeah.

00:18:16.000 That's incredible.

00:18:17.000 That's incredible.

00:18:18.000 The ability to play songs from your phone.

00:18:21.000 I was listening to one of you guys' podcasts because there's a podcast thing and it popped up and just hit play.

00:18:27.000 The most amazing thing is I went to documentaries.

00:18:29.000 I'm thinking, what do they got? 0.95

00:18:31.000 I got fucking page after page after page of all the best documentaries. 0.99

00:18:37.000 I got Red State. 0.99

00:18:38.000 I rendered Red State. 0.89

00:18:38.000 Dude, they have everything. 0.89

00:18:40.000 The corporation.

00:18:41.000 They have pretty much every documentary, mainstream documentary I've ever seen is on this Apple thing.

00:18:49.000 I watched the Man on the Wire one that night in Dungeons and Dragons.

00:18:53.000 There's a lot of obscure documentaries that don't make it to there, I'm sure.

00:18:58.000 But they had driven the Jens Pulver documentary, which is pretty obscure.

00:19:03.000 Even in the world of mixed martial arts, I don't know a lot of people who know about it.

00:19:07.000 It's got Vimeo.

00:19:08.000 You have your Vimeo channel on there now.

00:19:10.000 Wow. 0.99

00:19:10.000 I just sit there and watch all the fucking podcasts that we do at Death Squad from my Apple TV. That's incredible. 0.99

00:19:17.000 We have the whole thing on there.

00:19:18.000 And the only thing I liked about Roku that was better, which is the exact same thing pretty much.

00:19:24.000 One's Apple, but one's...

00:19:25.000 Did you say you have your Death Squad podcast on Vimeo?

00:19:27.000 Yeah.

00:19:28.000 How do you have them on Vimeo?

00:19:29.000 Just upload them onto Vimeo every time we do one.

00:19:32.000 We should do that with this, too.

00:19:34.000 Yeah.

00:19:35.000 Why don't we do that with this?

00:19:36.000 I don't know.

00:19:37.000 Okay, let's do that with this.

00:19:38.000 Make a list, right? 1.00

00:19:40.000 This motherfucker. 1.00

00:19:42.000 That's more of a statement than a, hey, do you think we should? 1.00

00:19:46.000 Yeah, why wouldn't you do that with this side?

00:19:49.000 Business stuff, I'll tell you later.

00:19:51.000 Oh, business stuff.

00:19:52.000 Well, okay, if you want to talk about it on air, we can.

00:19:55.000 Not really.

00:19:58.000 Okay, it might be tricky.

00:20:03.000 So you can watch the Death Squad and listen to it or just watch it?

00:20:07.000 On the Vimeo channel, you watch it and listen to it.

00:20:10.000 Just lay in bed and watch it.

00:20:11.000 So you're filming your stuff on Vimeo as well as putting it on Ustream?

00:20:15.000 No, I'm just taking my...

00:20:16.000 See, what happens is Ustream for me crashes all the time.

00:20:19.000 Because I have ads and commercials where you got privileged to get all that taken away.

00:20:25.000 For my watchers, they hate using the service, which is understandable, some of the stuff.

00:20:31.000 Yeah, a lot of people complain about those ads.

00:20:34.000 They stop the whole screen and you miss a chunk of the podcast.

00:20:37.000 Right.

00:20:37.000 So I took all my stuff after it's broadcast live.

00:20:41.000 I take it off Ustream and put it on Vimeo just because I have a pro account.

00:20:45.000 I never used Vimeo.

00:20:47.000 And now that Apple TV started Vimeo on the Apple TV, I was like, you know what?

00:20:51.000 I'm moving everything to Vimeo now.

00:20:53.000 Because Vimeo, my YouTube accounts always get canceled.

00:20:56.000 They always get busted.

00:20:57.000 Like I had a director account, which I don't know.

00:20:59.000 When you first signed up for YouTube back in the day...

00:21:03.000 If you made longer videos that were like over 10 minutes, which is what the limit was at that time, you could apply for a thing called a director account, which gave you access to put movies on there.

00:21:14.000 Like YouTube was trying to reach out to like small independent directors.

00:21:17.000 I got that account.

00:21:18.000 They stopped that a year later.

00:21:20.000 And now you have like 15 minute limits on YouTube.

00:21:23.000 Nobody has any longer unless you're a company.

00:21:25.000 How come I see that though sometimes?

00:21:27.000 Because all the director accounts got grandfathered.

00:21:30.000 Oh, wow.

00:21:32.000 So YouTube recently took my director account away, so I can't do that on YouTube anymore. 0.96

00:21:38.000 Yeah, we used to be able to upload longer shit.

00:21:40.000 And I remember I tried to upload one of the podcast video blogs that we do on Vimeo. 0.96

00:21:46.000 Mm-hmm.

00:21:47.000 We have 10 of them up there.

00:21:48.000 And what we do is, after we have an interview, we sit down, we videotape, like, oh, that was fun. 0.99

00:21:53.000 We shoot the shit for a little bit and get to just whatever. 0.98

00:21:56.000 It's just something else to do. 1.00

00:21:58.000 It's just fun.

00:21:59.000 So we started putting those up on Vimeo.

00:22:01.000 But they're, like, way better quality than YouTube.

00:22:04.000 And they let you put, like, 15, 20 minutes. 0.99

00:22:07.000 They don't give a fuck. 0.99

00:22:08.000 Do as long as you want. 0.99

00:22:09.000 YouTube is, like, smaller and shittier quality.

00:22:13.000 I guess some of the YouTubes are nice HD now too, right?

00:22:16.000 Right, right.

00:22:17.000 Yeah, but that's why I use Vimeo.

00:22:19.000 Usually Vimeo just looks better, doesn't it?

00:22:22.000 Well, Vimeo actually from testing used to be, I mean, YouTube does a great job with their HD stuff.

00:22:28.000 If you do it right, you follow the right codecs, they're perfect and they're in more devices, they're in more phones.

00:22:33.000 They actually have it down pat.

00:22:34.000 Vimeo is kind of cool.

00:22:35.000 It's a smaller company.

00:22:37.000 I wouldn't say, I think they're up to par now, but for a while I thought YouTube HD was actually a lot better. 0.97

00:22:42.000 But our shit looks better on Vimeo than it looks on YouTube. 0.95

00:22:46.000 How come? 0.99

00:22:47.000 Well, you might see one of the things that YouTube is when you're watching a video on YouTube, it always defaults to, like a lot of times it defaults to the lowest resolution.

00:22:56.000 And so you have to reset it.

00:22:57.000 Like Vimeo always puts you in HD when you're on their page.

00:23:00.000 So a lot of times that's what it, it's just a simple thing like that. 1.00

00:23:03.000 Oh, fuck you, YouTube. 0.99

00:23:05.000 Well, YouTube has a lot more users. 1.00

00:23:07.000 They're definitely trying to save bandwidth.

00:23:09.000 There is settings in your YouTube account that makes it so it's always playing HD and always the best, but it's not defaulted to that.

00:23:16.000 Speaking of YouTube, did you see that video that they just put out of the chimps that were locked up and they never saw sunlight for 30 years?

00:23:24.000 No.

00:23:24.000 I believe they were stolen from their mothers at birth and taken to Austria, and they were used in labs where they were shot up with hepatitis and HIV. And then they released them from this and then they let these chimps outside for like the first time ever.

00:23:41.000 It was crazy to see. 1.00

00:23:43.000 And if you see that and you still think people should be experimenting on chimps, you're a sick fuck. 1.00

00:23:49.000 Those fucking things can think, man. 1.00

00:23:51.000 Those things can think and they feel and they have emotions. 1.00

00:23:54.000 They're smart.

00:23:55.000 And when they got outside and they started seeing the sun, they started jumping up and hugging each other.

00:24:01.000 Hugging each other and looking out and trying to figure out how to walk on the grass and touching things and hugging each other and laughing.

00:24:09.000 Dude, that is the craziest thing that we justify is taking intelligent animals and holding them captive.

00:24:16.000 Whether it's dolphins or chimps. 0.99

00:24:19.000 That is a fucking weird thing, man. 0.99

00:24:21.000 I mean, that is like slavery. 0.99

00:24:23.000 It might as well be slavery. 0.68

00:24:24.000 If you know how smart a chimp is, locking them up like that, it might as well be slavery. 1.00

00:24:30.000 Imprisoning them, stealing them from their mothers. 0.99

00:24:32.000 Like, whoa, man. 0.99

00:24:34.000 That's pretty fucking rough. 0.99

00:24:36.000 You're causing some serious pain. 0.99

00:24:38.000 Some real emotional pain in these poor animals. 1.00

00:24:42.000 Smart fucking animals, too. 1.00

00:24:45.000 It's a weird video, man. 1.00

00:24:46.000 It's really creepy.

00:24:47.000 It makes you feel bad to be a person.

00:24:49.000 It makes you feel bad that someone's doing stuff like that. 1.00

00:24:51.000 You know, I know there's a lot of people out there that go, fuck you, man. 1.00

00:24:54.000 If it wasn't for those things, we would be dead and this and that. 1.00

00:24:57.000 Really?

00:24:58.000 Are you sure?

00:24:59.000 Yeah.

00:24:59.000 Vaccines are awesome.

00:25:00.000 Don't get me wrong.

00:25:01.000 It is awesome that they figured out a way to cure a lot of diseases.

00:25:03.000 You're absolutely right.

00:25:04.000 But at what cost?

00:25:07.000 That cost?

00:25:08.000 Is that the only way to do it? 1.00

00:25:09.000 I'm down with you doing shit to a rabbit. 1.00

00:25:11.000 You want to fuck with a rabbit? 1.00

00:25:13.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:25:13.000 It doesn't really bother me. 1.00

00:25:14.000 But when they can think, when they're smart, I know rabbits get scared and it sucks to be them, but they're fucking rabbits, man. 1.00

00:25:21.000 People don't want to hierarch animals, but there's a reason why some animals just sit around and eat and shit and that's it. 1.00

00:25:28.000 Right. 1.00

00:25:29.000 And then there's other ones that are way stronger that eat those motherfuckers. 1.00

00:25:32.000 Right. 1.00

00:25:32.000 That's why those motherfuckers are there. 1.00

00:25:34.000 They're food. 1.00

00:25:34.000 They might not know it. 1.00

00:25:35.000 They think they're just grass eaters. 0.84

00:25:37.000 They all serve a little piece.

00:25:39.000 A little piece in the pie.

00:25:41.000 But chimps, chimps are so close to us to lock them up like that and see them come out of this thing.

00:25:46.000 It was really heartbreaking.

00:25:48.000 It was really confusing.

00:25:49.000 You know, it's like, wow, this doesn't seem to be something that we should be doing in 2011. It doesn't seem like we should be doing any studies on chimps at this stage.

00:25:59.000 We know enough about human beings.

00:26:00.000 We know enough about feelings and emotions.

00:26:03.000 We know enough about how close they are to us.

00:26:05.000 And yet we're still willing to do this? 0.99

00:26:07.000 That's fucked up. 1.00

00:26:08.000 I'd be happier if they were doing it to murderers. 1.00

00:26:12.000 Happier if they were doing it to shitheads and rapists. 1.00

00:26:15.000 You know what I'm saying? 1.00

00:26:15.000 There's a lot of confirmed cunts out there. 1.00

00:26:17.000 Some confirmed, jailed-up cunts. 1.00

00:26:20.000 If we want to do experiments, for real, why don't we do it on them? 0.99

00:26:23.000 I mean, people go, you can't do that, it's involuntary.

00:26:25.000 I know.

00:26:26.000 But you know what?

00:26:27.000 So is rape and murder.

00:26:28.000 If someone is guilty of rape and murder, then the question is, how do you know for sure that they're guilty? 0.92

00:26:33.000 They didn't just get fucked by the system because they have no money and they couldn't afford a good lawyer. 0.99

00:26:38.000 How about the ones that go, no, I killed all 12 of them. 1.00

00:26:41.000 They were sleeping in their beds. 1.00

00:26:42.000 I came through the window and I killed them all. 1.00

00:26:44.000 The Ted Buddies of the world. 1.00

00:26:47.000 Fucking experiment on them. 1.00

00:26:49.000 Leave those chimps alone, man. 1.00

00:26:51.000 Chimps never did shit to nobody. 1.00

00:26:53.000 You don't have to steal them from their mothers. 1.00

00:26:54.000 Little baby chimps and put mascara on them and shit. 1.00

00:26:57.000 But why can't we kill them? 1.00

00:26:59.000 Because people are pussies. 1.00

00:27:00.000 That's why. 1.00

00:27:01.000 If we're going to kill them, the week ahead of time should be all experience. 0.99

00:27:04.000 Did it on Jason Bourne and look how that worked out. 1.00

00:27:07.000 If I was a member of the Ted Nugent message board, I'd probably tell you that what the fuck the problem is is the goddamn liberals. 1.00

00:27:13.000 But they're right. 1.00

00:27:14.000 It is the liberals.

00:27:16.000 It's the idea of constant compassion and the need to treat all human beings as absolutely equal despite their past and what they've done. 0.99

00:27:25.000 Listen, man, if you're some fucking religious person who's completely recanted from your horrible life and it seems that you've done as much as possible to make up for your shitty... 0.99

00:27:37.000 Actions in the past. 0.99

00:27:38.000 There's people that have made mistakes and have turned their life around.

00:27:40.000 I completely, totally believe that. 0.98

00:27:42.000 But then there's also cunts. 0.98

00:27:45.000 It's up to us to figure out who the cunts are and just experiment on them, man. 0.99

00:27:50.000 You're on your fourth trip to Aruba coming back by yourself, even though you and your girlfriend went, yeah, you should get hooked up to your gnats. 0.96

00:27:58.000 Why does it always happen in Aruba?

00:28:00.000 I know.

00:28:01.000 What is it?

00:28:01.000 Is it people saying no?

00:28:03.000 Is it girls turning guys down and the guys being mad? 0.99

00:28:06.000 Is it someone getting jealous? 0.98

00:28:08.000 Is it just psychopaths?

00:28:08.000 The last one was a guy who met a girl online, flew her to there on vacation.

00:28:13.000 His girlfriend is the most recent missing woman.

00:28:15.000 I think he might have said that she's probably dead now.

00:28:19.000 He said she's dead?

00:28:20.000 Yeah, I think.

00:28:21.000 But any girl listening, if anyone says we should go on our senior trip or maybe go to Aruba...

00:28:27.000 There's other areas you could go.

00:28:29.000 It's so weird, man, but that is something that girls have to really worry about.

00:28:33.000 They have to worry about being killed by a guy.

00:28:35.000 Like, that's a possibility.

00:28:37.000 It's a rare possibility, but out of the 300 million people in this country, that's a big number.

00:28:44.000 Every now and then one or two is going to pop up and god damn is it heartbreaking. 1.00

00:28:47.000 Some fucking person who's attracted to the opposite sex but doesn't get what he wants so often and is so psychopathic that he becomes angry at women and wants to kill them. 1.00

00:28:59.000 And they're out there. 1.00

00:29:00.000 They're out there.

00:29:01.000 And you see it, any city you go to, like Vegas or even wherever in Tampa, girls let their guard down. 1.00

00:29:06.000 Well, I'll see.

00:29:07.000 Maybe because I'm older now and just about all of them could maybe be a dog.

00:29:11.000 Not really.

00:29:11.000 But you look and you see them.

00:29:13.000 They're drunk and they think that bitchy voice that they have is going to be their protection. 1.00

00:29:18.000 You know what I mean? 0.88

00:29:18.000 Just that kind of, I'm a drunk chick kind of noise. 0.88

00:29:21.000 You see them and they're lost.

00:29:22.000 I don't know where you are!

00:29:24.000 And they're like in an alley in the middle of Tampa.

00:29:26.000 You're like, what are you doing?

00:29:29.000 Yeah, some of them are like little children, too.

00:29:32.000 It's like, you know, you see some girls that are drunk in Vegas that are like 20 years old and hammered, and you're like, wow, that's like a little child. 0.99

00:29:39.000 She's just out there catching dick. 1.00

00:29:41.000 I know, I was in... 0.99

00:29:42.000 You don't think of them as little children when you're 20. You know, when you're 20, they're just chicks.

00:29:47.000 Oh, yeah, yeah.

00:29:47.000 Now you see them.

00:29:47.000 Yeah, but when you're 40 and you look at 20-year-olds, you go, wow, that's like...

00:29:51.000 They're childlike.

00:29:53.000 Some of those poor girls, man. 1.00

00:29:55.000 That shit's going to program their life. 1.00

00:29:57.000 Bad experiences when you're hammered at 20 around animals. 1.00

00:30:00.000 That shit could program your life. 1.00

00:30:02.000 It could change the way you behave forever. 1.00

00:30:05.000 Just a few shitty decisions around the wrong people and the wrong crowd and it just changes your opinion.

00:30:11.000 I saw, wherever I was performing two weeks ago, the Bonser guys driving back to the hotel. 1.00

00:30:16.000 There's a big, huge dude with some really drunk, Like, woman, I bet she was 55, but kind of still scooched out. 0.96

00:30:25.000 And she was with another woman, and the woman looked at the big guy and says, I don't know her.

00:30:31.000 I have her cell phone.

00:30:32.000 I'm going to call her first thing in the morning to this big, huge guy. 0.67

00:30:36.000 And the guy didn't look at this other woman and goes, come on, I'm not going to rape or whatever. 0.89

00:30:40.000 He just looked at her and went, whatever.

00:30:42.000 Like that.

00:30:43.000 And then this drunk chick got into the car, and then they drove off, and then that woman got into the car. 1.00

00:30:48.000 Wow.

00:30:49.000 Wow.

00:30:49.000 You're like, what do you do?

00:30:51.000 I mean, I think it was a guy picking up a drunk girl, but it was kind of one of those.

00:30:55.000 I had a moment where I could have stolen somebody's girlfriend recently, if I was that type of guy.

00:31:01.000 Stole her? 0.82

00:31:01.000 Well, it would have been a cool movie thing. 0.82

00:31:03.000 There's this girl at the gas station, and she's got a tub of aloe about this big.

00:31:09.000 Aloe vera?

00:31:10.000 Yeah, and a big thing of ice.

00:31:11.000 And she's icing. 0.58

00:31:12.000 The guy has one of those crotch rocket motorcycles.

00:31:15.000 Yeah.

00:31:15.000 And it was about 110 outside.

00:31:17.000 And she obviously burnt her leg on the exhaust. 1.00

00:31:20.000 Right.

00:31:21.000 So now they're sitting by the gas pump.

00:31:24.000 The guy's putting all this stuff on, all this aloe.

00:31:26.000 He's got his leather jacket and motorcycle.

00:31:29.000 She looks so pissed.

00:31:31.000 We've all seen pissed off girls before, but the look of just... 1.00

00:31:34.000 And he even came out with one of those roses.

00:31:37.000 Yeah.

00:31:38.000 And she got it and just set it down.

00:31:40.000 Like if I was like one of those douchebaggy guys, all I would have had done is just stick out my hand like every movie and go, take my hand.

00:31:47.000 And put her in my jeep and drove away.

00:31:49.000 That guy would have been left right there. 0.77

00:31:51.000 That's ridiculous that you would think that that would work. 0.95

00:31:53.000 Yeah, what do you think you are? 0.96

00:31:55.000 How overconfident are you?

00:31:57.000 You know, you're like one of those guys like, watch, she's going to turn around and look at me.

00:32:00.000 No!

00:32:04.000 The deal is, I had a car, though.

00:32:06.000 She didn't have to get back onto a motorcycle.

00:32:09.000 So what?

00:32:09.000 Do you think that's all you have to do is have a car?

00:32:11.000 She was probably pregnant. 1.00

00:32:12.000 When the girl was putting aloe and ice on the inside of her leg, yes, that's what I mean. 1.00

00:32:16.000 You're out of your fucking mind. 1.00

00:32:17.000 I could have sold her right then because of this situation. 1.00

00:32:19.000 You are so delusional.

00:32:20.000 I could have taken my hand.

00:32:21.000 That could have been a very good relationship and a guy just got a motorcycle loose.

00:32:26.000 New on motorcycles.

00:32:27.000 They had a great time riding together.

00:32:29.000 And unfortunately, she burnt her leg.

00:32:30.000 But she loves him.

00:32:32.000 And she loves being with him.

00:32:33.000 Not the look on her face.

00:32:34.000 And you just come along and like...

00:32:35.000 Take my hand.

00:32:36.000 Yeah.

00:32:36.000 I would have said it just like that, too.

00:32:37.000 You need way better words, too.

00:32:38.000 Take my hand is not enough.

00:32:40.000 Yeah.

00:32:41.000 Do you trust me?

00:32:42.000 Do you trust me?

00:32:42.000 Yeah, I could have said that.

00:32:43.000 Do you trust me?

00:32:44.000 Yeah.

00:32:44.000 Take my hand if you want to live.

00:32:45.000 I could have said...

00:32:46.000 No, you need something better than that.

00:32:48.000 Yeah.

00:32:49.000 But that would have been the time.

00:32:50.000 No.

00:32:51.000 I have four wheels.

00:32:52.000 No, because look, he just made a mistake and the guy came back and he was being nice.

00:32:55.000 He brought a rose.

00:32:56.000 It's a nice gesture.

00:32:57.000 He's obviously a nice person.

00:32:58.000 He feels bad about it.

00:32:59.000 He's never going to relive that mistake.

00:33:00.000 And you come along and just try to steal her? 1.00

00:33:02.000 You're ridiculous. 1.00

00:33:03.000 He's never going to relive that mistake. 1.00

00:33:05.000 You know, you might be hating.

00:33:06.000 You have a bag of cocaine and a hundred dollars. 1.00

00:33:08.000 That would have worked more than that shit. 1.00

00:33:10.000 That doesn't work to a girl that just got off a motorcycle and has a burnt leg. 1.00

00:33:13.000 What are you crazy? 0.81

00:33:14.000 Cocaine and $100. 0.99

00:33:15.000 She's like, I have a burn on my leg.

00:33:16.000 I don't want any cocaine.

00:33:17.000 She wants air conditioning and pants. 1.00

00:33:19.000 And not have to ride outside.

00:33:21.000 Hey, I got a great cartoon to start watching.

00:33:24.000 If you want to show your little kids a cartoon that they can fall in love with, but it will be awesome for you on top of it while being stoned, it's the best for that.

00:33:32.000 It's a double level cartoon.

00:33:35.000 It's called Adventure Time.

00:33:37.000 Adventure Time? 0.99

00:33:38.000 Yeah, it is the most ridiculous cartoon Fucking cartoon I've ever seen in my life and I'm so addicted to it and it's great for kids. 1.00

00:33:47.000 Kids will just fucking sit there and love it to death because it's all about princesses and princes and adventures with dragons and horses but it is trippy as fuck. 1.00

00:33:57.000 And what is it on? 1.00

00:33:58.000 It's on Cartoon Network.

00:33:59.000 It's on all the time.

00:34:00.000 I just DVR'd it, scheduled it, and I think I got seven yesterday.

00:34:04.000 Oh, dope.

00:34:05.000 Cool.

00:34:05.000 I'll check that out.

00:34:06.000 Is it an animation one?

00:34:07.000 Oh yeah, it's animation.

00:34:08.000 It's kind of put to the same animation style as a game called Katamari, but it's very simple, but very trippy.

00:34:13.000 Like a lot of dragons and swords.

00:34:16.000 When you say that it works on both levels, is it like Pee Wee's Playhouse?

00:34:20.000 Kind of, but not the new Pee-wee's Playhouse.

00:34:22.000 There's a new Pee-wee's Playhouse?

00:34:23.000 There's a new one?

00:34:24.000 Yeah, they have it on Showtime, and what he did is he did a live thing throughout Los Angeles for a while, and then he took it on the road.

00:34:31.000 I think he went to New York, and he had a live show of the Playhouse, and they filmed it for, I think, Showtime or HBO. But I tried watching it, and it's completely weird now.

00:34:42.000 Is it weird because you know he was beaten off in a movie theater watching...

00:34:45.000 No, it's weird because it's like he still looks pretty good.

00:34:49.000 He still looks pretty much like Pee Wee, but it's just off a teeny bit where you're like, wait, he has a double chin now.

00:34:55.000 That's so odd.

00:34:56.000 Oh, he's getting fat.

00:34:58.000 He's getting kind of older.

00:34:59.000 Yeah, right.

00:34:59.000 He's got this little puffiness to him.

00:35:01.000 I don't know.

00:35:02.000 It's kind of weird.

00:35:04.000 People still go see Kiss, though, and it's kind of the same.

00:35:07.000 Pfft! 0.63

00:35:07.000 Yeah. 0.63

00:35:08.000 I would like to see the video of Pee Wee Herman getting busted, beating off, though.

00:35:12.000 Do you know how awesome that would be?

00:35:13.000 To have the video of him with his tongue out.

00:35:16.000 Yeah, it was in slow motion. 1.00

00:35:18.000 Come over and tell him to put his fucking dick away and get up. 1.00

00:35:22.000 And nowadays, he would have been even bigger than he was. 1.00

00:35:25.000 That would have propelled him.

00:35:26.000 Oh, yeah.

00:35:27.000 I know, right?

00:35:28.000 Well, that's the funny thing about that.

00:35:29.000 A lot of times when things like that happen, there's a backlash.

00:35:32.000 But it was sort of like an anti-backlash with Pee Wee Herman.

00:35:35.000 They liked him more.

00:35:37.000 Yeah, now he would have made more money if you go the Kardashian route.

00:35:40.000 You know why they liked him more? 0.96

00:35:42.000 Because he's gay. 1.00

00:35:44.000 He's a gay guy that got caught jerking off in public. 1.00

00:35:46.000 This is my theory. 1.00

00:35:48.000 If he was a straight guy that got caught jerking off in public, it might be a little more creepy. 0.99

00:35:51.000 But he's a gay guy, you're like, poor little fella, he's got nowhere to beat off. 1.00

00:35:55.000 He can't be open about it, he's gotta go watch straight people fucking concentrate on their dicks. 1.00

00:36:02.000 You know, can't even go to a gay place because he's famous. 1.00

00:36:06.000 But when that happened, though, didn't he lose his show and actually it knocked him, you know, he was really popular, that happened, and then people took him off the show.

00:36:14.000 So he kind of lost some leverage.

00:36:15.000 You might be right. 0.99

00:36:16.000 I might not know what the fuck I'm talking about. 0.98

00:36:17.000 I think that's what happened. 0.99

00:36:19.000 In the court of public opinion, maybe in his financial world, it devastated him.

00:36:23.000 I don't know.

00:36:23.000 In the court of public opinion, I felt like he did better.

00:36:26.000 What other show?

00:36:27.000 Did he have a show still?

00:36:28.000 Because it was a long-ass time ago.

00:36:31.000 He had the two movies that came after Playhouse.

00:36:36.000 Oh, this was probably in the late 80s?

00:36:38.000 Where he got arrested?

00:36:40.000 No, but at its height of popularity in Pee Wee's Big Adventure.

00:36:43.000 Yeah.

00:36:44.000 So it probably got arrested in the early 90s?

00:36:47.000 I'm guessing. 0.88

00:36:47.000 I remember I went to see Pee Wee's Playhouse with my then-girlfriend at the time, who was also very silly. 0.88

00:36:55.000 She was a silly girl. 0.95

00:36:56.000 She was a good person to go see movies with. 1.00

00:36:58.000 And we were fucking crying laughing. 0.97

00:37:02.000 I thought it was the funniest thing I had ever seen. 0.99

00:37:04.000 I was a huge Pee Wee Herman fan. 0.97

00:37:07.000 It was just so ridiculous. 0.96

00:37:10.000 Large Marge sent you. 0.97

00:37:11.000 Yeah, we would do that all the time. 0.99

00:37:15.000 You know, here's somebody I know has a big butt. 1.00

00:37:18.000 Yeah, you just have all these random, like... 0.99

00:37:20.000 Yeah, even the way he would, like, be in love with a girl and bring her flowers and stuff.

00:37:24.000 It was so bizarre.

00:37:25.000 It's like, God, what a fun movie. 0.96

00:37:27.000 It was like a fun, silly movie.

00:37:29.000 Do you know our friend Jeff Scott is, like, the number one Pee-wee... 1.00

00:37:32.000 Herman Impersonator.

00:37:33.000 Yeah.

00:37:33.000 I used to remember watching PM Magazine, which was a show in, I think, the Midwest.

00:37:37.000 I don't even think it was...

00:37:38.000 No, PM Magazine.

00:37:38.000 I had it in Detroit.

00:37:39.000 Okay, yeah, yeah.

00:37:40.000 And they interviewed him.

00:37:41.000 I remember watching that episode and then now just finding a couple years later.

00:37:45.000 That was back when there was a show called Kids Are People Too.

00:37:49.000 Yeah.

00:37:49.000 That's Incredible.

00:37:51.000 That's Incredible.

00:37:52.000 You remember that?

00:37:53.000 That's Incredible.

00:37:53.000 What was the other one that came on right before the...

00:37:55.000 I was always a...

00:37:56.000 No, Real People.

00:37:57.000 That was the original YouTube.

00:37:58.000 It was Real People.

00:37:59.000 That's Incredible was the original YouTube.

00:38:01.000 I love...

00:38:02.000 Remember the old Ed McMahon practical joke show that used to be really big?

00:38:07.000 Oh yeah, it was...

00:38:08.000 TV's Bloopers and Practical Jokes.

00:38:10.000 And you had the cartoons from the game show with the Whammies.

00:38:15.000 Yeah.

00:38:15.000 What's that called?

00:38:17.000 I don't know.

00:38:18.000 No whammies, no whammies, stop, press your luck.

00:38:20.000 They used to have those whammies. 0.67

00:38:21.000 And for some reason, those whammies were so popular that when that game show was canceled, they were like, we're going to use the whammies on this show now. 0.94

00:38:29.000 And it was just like, wow, you're just using cartoons from a different game show.

00:38:33.000 It just continued the whammy tradition? 0.96

00:38:34.000 Yeah, it was...

00:38:35.000 I watched a Real People episode on YouTube recently and it was all just crazy.

00:38:40.000 And then we're going to go to Wisconsin where this guy can jump 5,000 feet into cheese.

00:38:45.000 It was all just random stuff.

00:38:49.000 And if you look at it, this person has every Coke can ever made.

00:38:53.000 Oh, wow.

00:38:54.000 They all would have their own shows now.

00:38:56.000 If you look how crazy these people are, every one of them would have a show on Discovery or an A&E. There'd be a reality show about every story that the people...

00:39:04.000 Byron Allen was like... 0.99

00:39:05.000 What the fuck is with these pawn shop shows? 1.00

00:39:08.000 They're all fake, too. 0.99

00:39:09.000 I thought they had hit the bottom when they were following guys who were driving on slippery roads.

00:39:15.000 Yeah.

00:39:15.000 Ice road truckers.

00:39:17.000 The road is slippery.

00:39:18.000 He's in a truck.

00:39:19.000 Seven years, nobody's fallen in. 1.00

00:39:20.000 Yeah, it's the same fucking show every week. 0.99

00:39:23.000 The guy's on the icy road. 1.00

00:39:25.000 Oh, it's getting slippery.

00:39:26.000 Yeah.

00:39:27.000 I mean, I thought that was dumb until I watched one of these auction shows the other day. 0.71

00:39:31.000 No, a pawn shop show, rather. 0.62

00:39:32.000 Where the dude...

00:39:33.000 It wasn't even a pawn shop show.

00:39:34.000 It was like a bargain sort of a show.

00:39:36.000 He shows up, a guy's got a sign.

00:39:37.000 He goes, how much do you want for the sign?

00:39:39.000 I go, oh, I'm not looking to sell it.

00:39:41.000 What if I give you 500 bucks?

00:39:42.000 No, no, I don't think that'd be enough.

00:39:44.000 What if I gave you a thousand bucks?

00:39:45.000 Well, now you're making me think. 1.00

00:39:46.000 I'm like, what the fuck? 0.99

00:39:47.000 Really? 1.00

00:39:48.000 Yeah.

00:39:48.000 This is a show?

00:39:49.000 This is a show?

00:39:50.000 Is it the one with the two brothers and one guy fixes everything and one guy buys everything?

00:39:54.000 I didn't get that far.

00:39:55.000 I didn't get that far.

00:39:56.000 They were just trying to buy a Coca-Cola sign from some dude and I wanted to punch the screen.

00:40:00.000 But it's a hundred times better than that show on True TV, the pawn shop show that's completely fake, but yet everyone on the show is stars.

00:40:06.000 But this was fake too, man.

00:40:06.000 This was fake too.

00:40:07.000 It's like, The only thing in it for the person watching was you wanted to find out how it ended.

00:40:11.000 Did it get resolved?

00:40:13.000 But it's like the lowest level entertainment ever.

00:40:17.000 It's a guy like, I'll give you $100.

00:40:18.000 Nope, that's not enough.

00:40:19.000 I'll give you $500.

00:40:21.000 Well, now you're making me think.

00:40:23.000 And then you're sitting there with your mouth open, waiting to see.

00:40:27.000 You think he's going to buy the sign?

00:40:28.000 I don't know.

00:40:29.000 Is he going to buy it?

00:40:30.000 It's pretty close.

00:40:31.000 Oh, he bought it.

00:40:32.000 Gazing.

00:40:33.000 I miss the days when the pawn shop owners had a gimp, and that was all that went down. 0.98

00:40:39.000 They're all creeps, right?

00:40:40.000 And they all have an expert.

00:40:42.000 They're like, well, luckily I called the expert of 1822 bullets.

00:40:45.000 No, you don't.

00:40:46.000 Pawn guys don't have a team of experts.

00:40:49.000 Most pawn shop guys are kind of creepy, right?

00:40:51.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 0.99

00:40:53.000 What I've known about pawn shops is pool hall dudes who always would sell stolen shit to pawn shops. 0.75

00:40:59.000 Yeah, they don't have a guy going in there trying to sell pool cues to buy crack. 0.99

00:41:04.000 And I know a dude had a housekeeper, and they caught the housekeeper selling shit to pawn shops. 1.00

00:41:08.000 They found their shit. 0.99

00:41:09.000 They traced one of their things. 1.00

00:41:10.000 It turned out it was sold at a certain pawn shop. 1.00

00:41:12.000 Their fucking housekeeper was stealing their shit and bringing it to pawn shops. 1.00

00:41:16.000 Oh, fuck. 1.00

00:41:17.000 Yeah, dude. 1.00

00:41:18.000 Can you imagine having a pawn shop that was also a check cashing place?

00:41:23.000 How popular that would be?

00:41:25.000 You'd be robbed.

00:41:26.000 Well, they give you cash there, so it's technically...

00:41:28.000 Actually, it would be the wrong thing.

00:41:30.000 You wouldn't want a check crashing place there.

00:41:32.000 No, but it's like...

00:41:33.000 It doesn't make sense.

00:41:35.000 It's just an all-for-one for that kind of...

00:41:37.000 They don't have any money.

00:41:39.000 Don't start this business.

00:41:40.000 It's not going to work.

00:41:40.000 My dad does not go to cash checking places or pawn shops.

00:41:44.000 So it seems like the people, the clientele of those two places seem like they would enjoy a place that they can go to do both if they have to.

00:41:51.000 I guess that makes sense, but it doesn't make sense because it's two totally different things.

00:41:55.000 Like, you're totally broke, you have no money coming in, so you sell a stolen TV. Right.

00:41:59.000 You know, that's the difference between having a check to cash and a dispensary.

00:42:03.000 We'll give everything your dad won't do.

00:42:04.000 In a strip club, in a bar. 0.61

00:42:07.000 Didn't you say you got your dad high once?

00:42:11.000 Can you not talk about that?

00:42:12.000 No.

00:42:13.000 I didn't get them high.

00:42:14.000 It was when I had a thing of weed soda, and it tastes like cola.

00:42:21.000 And he was like, you got anything to drink?

00:42:23.000 I gave him some weed soda.

00:42:26.000 Well, what happened?

00:42:27.000 He was having a great time laughing and telling funny stories and giggling.

00:42:32.000 It was awesome.

00:42:34.000 Did you tell him that you could have a day like this every day, Dan?

00:42:38.000 No, because we were drinking wine also, so I think he just probably thought, wow, that was some good wine.

00:42:43.000 Why don't you just tell him that you gave him some weed soda?

00:42:47.000 Come on, man.

00:42:48.000 That's great.

00:42:49.000 Why do you think that generation...

00:42:50.000 Hold on a second, though.

00:42:51.000 Why don't you tell him?

00:42:52.000 Huh?

00:42:53.000 Why won't you tell him?

00:42:54.000 Dad, you had a great time because you were drinking weed soda.

00:42:56.000 Because he has a job, and if they knew about that...

00:42:59.000 Oh, they P-test you?

00:43:01.000 Everyone lives in California.

00:43:03.000 Well, dude, a lot of places don't P-test their employees.

00:43:06.000 I don't think it's like the majority of places P-test their employees. 0.97

00:43:09.000 I've had to fucking P-test to work at Gateway. 0.98

00:43:12.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:43:13.000 You have to P-test to work at Starbucks.

00:43:14.000 Not any Starbucks people, they can't smoke weed because they get P-tested.

00:43:18.000 What?

00:43:18.000 Hold on a second.

00:43:19.000 Stop it.

00:43:20.000 Yes.

00:43:20.000 You're talking about baristas?

00:43:22.000 Most major jobs you have to P-test.

00:43:25.000 Brian, I do not think you're right.

00:43:26.000 I do not think you have to P-test to work at Starbucks.

00:43:29.000 I had to P-test twice.

00:43:29.000 Hold on.

00:43:30.000 Did you just make that up?

00:43:31.000 Did you just make that up?

00:43:32.000 I had to P-test twice to work at Gateway.

00:43:33.000 Did you just make that up about Starbucks?

00:43:35.000 No, Google it.

00:43:35.000 We have Google right here.

00:43:37.000 Starbucks, employees.

00:43:38.000 That's incredible if it's true.

00:43:40.000 If it's true, I'm going to start going to Coffee Bean.

00:43:43.000 Any major company has to do it for insurance reasons, though.

00:43:47.000 Really?

00:43:47.000 Yeah.

00:43:48.000 It's like the rule for most big companies that their insurances are so high that they have to do shit like that. 0.94

00:43:58.000 At the Starbucks where I worked as a barista, there was no drug testing. 0.97

00:44:03.000 No drug testing was ever performed.

00:44:06.000 They certainly did not do random drug testing either.

00:44:10.000 As far as drug testing, if you get injured while working, I do not know what the policy is.

00:44:14.000 But Starbucks is not really a laid-back place to work.

00:44:19.000 Okay, well, Starbucks doesn't. 1.00

00:44:21.000 What the fuck? 0.99

00:44:21.000 Bro, you can't just say they do. 0.99

00:44:24.000 A lot of places do, though. 1.00

00:44:26.000 Brian, but saying that Starbucks does to work as a fucking barista is a ridiculous thing. 1.00

00:44:34.000 Don't say stop, man. 1.00

00:44:35.000 I misspoke with Starbucks.

00:44:37.000 What I was talking about is most companies nowadays do require drug testings.

00:44:42.000 I don't think it's most companies.

00:44:43.000 I worked at a lot of places, Joe, not long ago.

00:44:47.000 Seven years ago, I was waiting tables.

00:44:49.000 I worked at a lot of companies that drug tested.

00:44:52.000 I had to do it all the time and buy fake urine.

00:44:53.000 Joe's got some terrible news for you today, by the way.

00:44:56.000 What percentage do you think?

00:44:59.000 What percentage of companies drug test their employees?

00:45:01.000 Out of the last five real jobs I had, I probably got drug tested at three of those five jobs.

00:45:08.000 I would divine the search by going, what, Fortune 500?

00:45:11.000 Because they would have the money to do it.

00:45:14.000 It's pretty normal for companies to drug test outside of California.

00:45:18.000 That's all I'm saying.

00:45:20.000 I wasn't saying Starbucks as like Starbucks.

00:45:22.000 I'm saying companies like Starbucks and things like that, major companies.

00:45:26.000 I was surprised at Starbucks.

00:45:27.000 Are you ready for reality?

00:45:29.000 Okay, here it is.

00:45:30.000 Major laboratory testing company offered the cheery news recently that the percentage of American workers who tested positive for illegal drugs last year was the lowest ever.

00:45:39.000 So people are testing...

00:45:41.000 The cheery news is that they used to be... 0.89

00:45:43.000 People are not doing drugs as much because they're buying shit at waterbed stores like myself called Waterbeds and Company, and it was a $20... 0.92

00:45:49.000 What's he talking about drugs? 0.96

00:45:50.000 $40 investment.

00:45:51.000 What?

00:45:52.000 Isn't it what that quote's saying is that he has good news that people aren't testing positive for drugs?

00:45:57.000 Yeah, what are you talking about waterbeds?

00:46:00.000 They sell at head shops in Ohio and in the Midwest.

00:46:03.000 They don't have head shops, like marijuana stores, so they have companies like waterbed stores that sell head stuff supplies in it.

00:46:11.000 There's a place called Waterbeds and Stuff in Ohio.

00:46:13.000 Okay, did you expect anyone else to know that?

00:46:16.000 Well, I was explaining it, then you stopped me.

00:46:17.000 No, you weren't.

00:46:17.000 Yes, I was.

00:46:18.000 I was just getting to this point.

00:46:20.000 Anyways, they sell for $40.

00:46:22.000 He's so feisty today.

00:46:23.000 What's What's going on with him? 1.00

00:46:24.000 It's your fucking sativa sticks I got. 1.00

00:46:28.000 No, you need to learn how to handle that shit, son. 1.00

00:46:30.000 But they sell this shit that you drink, that you drink right before you take a drug test, and so what you're pretty much doing is you're pissing out this shit that's kind of like water, I guess? 0.99

00:46:40.000 They just did a big thing in- How come I can't answer this question? 0.99

00:46:43.000 I'm answering this question, what percentage of companies drug test their employees?

00:46:46.000 I pumped this into Google.

00:46:48.000 Give me an answer. 1.00

00:46:49.000 Bitch. 1.00

00:46:50.000 It's funny how long Google questions how now when you first came out you pick up two words like drug testing. 1.00

00:46:55.000 Now you go screw it.

00:46:56.000 I'm just going to write an entire paragraph and see what happens.

00:46:58.000 But in Florida they tested everybody on welfare and that's a big thing is you have to get drug tested before you get the welfare check.

00:47:07.000 98% passed.

00:47:08.000 Whoa, hold on a second. 1.00

00:47:10.000 Listen to this shit. 0.99

00:47:12.000 A 2006 survey by the Society for Human Resource Management found that 84% of employers required new hires to pass drug screenings. 1.00

00:47:26.000 84%!

00:47:28.000 You've been in California too long, Joe.

00:47:29.000 And 39% randomly tested employees after they were hired. 1.00

00:47:34.000 Holy shit! 0.99

00:47:36.000 In addition, 73% tested workers when drug use was suspected. 0.99

00:47:42.000 And 58% required testing after accidents on the job.

00:47:46.000 Whoa! 1.00

00:47:47.000 What the fuck, man? 1.00

00:47:49.000 That's a lot of new hires that you do. 1.00

00:47:51.000 That's horrible.

00:47:52.000 That is a horrible thing, man.

00:47:55.000 84% of employers requiring people to take drug tests.

00:48:00.000 Wow.

00:48:01.000 That's incredible.

00:48:03.000 That's so discriminatory.

00:48:06.000 You know, especially for things that stay in your system but aren't as damaging like weed, whereas cocaine is out of your system.

00:48:12.000 You take it on a Friday, you'll pass a drug test on a Monday.

00:48:15.000 It's a quick thing.

00:48:16.000 It gets out of your system quick.

00:48:18.000 Unless I think they test your hair.

00:48:19.000 I think if they test your hair, they can find it a little longer.

00:48:22.000 And at the waterbed store, they have a shampoo that you put on the hair if they do test your hair.

00:48:25.000 Really?

00:48:26.000 It's crazy that this waterbed store in Columbus, Ohio is still in business selling one waterbed.

00:48:32.000 It should be called Stuff and Waterbeds, not Waterbed and Stuff.

00:48:34.000 I love that store.

00:48:35.000 I love Waterbeds and Stuff.

00:48:37.000 You've got to go do it next time you're in Ohio.

00:48:38.000 I don't think I do. 1.00

00:48:39.000 I think I'm going to pass on that stupid fucking storm. 1.00

00:48:41.000 They have shit for every drug test. 1.00

00:48:43.000 Your waterbed would actually smell like bong water and be kind of crappy to sleep on. 1.00

00:48:46.000 Did you ever have a waterbed, Joe?

00:48:47.000 Yeah, the worst thing ever is you have a waterbed and then the power goes out. 0.97

00:48:50.000 And then the waterbed's not hot anymore and it fucking pulls heat off your body. 0.90

00:48:55.000 You don't realize. 0.96

00:48:56.000 It's actually kind of dangerous, man.

00:48:58.000 Did you have a black and white furry bedspread?

00:49:02.000 I think everybody who I've ever met that had a waterbed.

00:49:05.000 I probably did. 1.00

00:49:05.000 It was a good waterbed, though, but they suck for fucking. 1.00

00:49:10.000 My cat popped mine while we were fucking, and it was a slow leak, but what happened is we both woke up at the same time, and it was... 1.00

00:49:18.000 hissing. 0.99

00:49:24.000 But you said me and my cat were fucking. 0.99

00:49:26.000 No, I wasn't fucking the cat. 1.00

00:49:27.000 The cat popped it while I was fucking a girl. 1.00

00:49:30.000 It was like something I tweet. 0.99

00:49:31.000 There was no punctuation, so I didn't know it.

00:49:33.000 It was a guy.

00:49:34.000 It was Jim Carrey. 1.00

00:49:34.000 I was fucking sucking Jim Carrey's hard cock. 1.00

00:49:37.000 His helmet comes back to my throat. 1.00

00:49:39.000 The cat was trying to bring you back to reality.

00:49:40.000 It wasn't the waterbed.

00:49:41.000 I peed myself. 1.00

00:49:42.000 His dick was just pushing all the piss out. 1.00

00:49:46.000 Brian, you need to go to a doctor. 1.00

00:49:48.000 Oh, Brian.

00:49:48.000 That's what you were telling Joey Diaz the other day.

00:49:51.000 You've been putting it off forever.

00:49:52.000 That's hilarious.

00:49:53.000 I re-watched the last Joey Diaz podcast last night, and that's the funny thing because when Joey Diaz is going crazy, he kept on going, you need to go to a doctor.

00:50:02.000 You need to go to a doctor.

00:50:03.000 And I'm thinking, what would be the doctor for?

00:50:06.000 Like a yelling doctor? 0.97

00:50:08.000 A crazy doctor. 0.93

00:50:08.000 Stop doing that, Joey. 0.93

00:50:09.000 You need to talk to somebody.

00:50:10.000 You need to go to a doctor.

00:50:11.000 Two of the funniest Diaz things.

00:50:14.000 The video where he was going, pushing a cart to Target?

00:50:17.000 Yeah.

00:50:18.000 I laughed so loud.

00:50:19.000 Yeah, Mad Flavors World.

00:50:20.000 Yeah, I was laughing so hard.

00:50:22.000 If you go on YouTube.

00:50:23.000 Is it Mad Flavor World or Mad Flavors World?

00:50:26.000 I think it's Mad Flavors World.

00:50:28.000 Okay, let's find out because people need to know.

00:50:30.000 It's so, so funny.

00:50:32.000 Just walking around talking to people in Target without them knowing.

00:50:35.000 Are you going to do a Death's Club show Friday?

00:50:36.000 Mad Flavors World.

00:50:37.000 I don't know.

00:50:38.000 Why are you asking me on the air?

00:50:39.000 So then people can't know about it.

00:50:41.000 I don't know.

00:50:42.000 I may do it on Friday.

00:50:43.000 I may not.

00:50:43.000 Maybe not.

00:50:44.000 Mad Flavors World.

00:50:46.000 It is on YouTube.

00:50:48.000 You gotta go and check it out because what Joey's doing is he's just doing these little videos, putting them up every now and again.

00:50:54.000 I'm glad he's doing it.

00:50:55.000 Yeah, it's awesome.

00:50:56.000 More content from Joey.

00:50:57.000 Anything he does is awesome.

00:51:00.000 Joey's such an enigma.

00:51:01.000 Such an unusual person.

00:51:02.000 I've never met anybody that I let yell at me like Joey.

00:51:06.000 But he's like, you just weather the storm.

00:51:09.000 It's like, you know, it's almost like not even real.

00:51:11.000 Like, alright, Joey.

00:51:12.000 You still mad at me?

00:51:13.000 You done?

00:51:14.000 Tell me when you're done.

00:51:14.000 I watched that video.

00:51:15.000 It makes me laugh. 1.00

00:51:16.000 That's fucking Susquehanna weed! 1.00

00:51:18.000 That video posted what you were doing? 1.00

00:51:20.000 Fuck you guys with your fucking vaporizers! 1.00

00:51:23.000 It gets crazy, man. 1.00

00:51:24.000 Over a vaporizer. 1.00

00:51:25.000 We'll start screaming at you fucking pussies with your vaporizer. 1.00

00:51:29.000 I want it to be healthy! 1.00

00:51:33.000 It's fucking weed! 1.00

00:51:35.000 He'll get mad at you, man. 1.00

00:51:37.000 Was it a radio show you did where you invited him in?

00:51:41.000 I saw that clip.

00:51:42.000 Oh, the Alex Jones show, yeah.

00:51:43.000 What happened after that?

00:51:45.000 The dude was baffled.

00:51:47.000 Alex Jones just sat there in a pile of rubble. 0.99

00:51:50.000 What the fuck happened to his show? 0.97

00:51:52.000 I mean, could you imagine, man, if you got a doom and gloom show? 0.99

00:51:55.000 And those of you who haven't seen it, just Google. 0.63

00:51:58.000 Some dude did a Goodfellas version of it, which is fucking hilarious.

00:52:02.000 Yeah. 0.50

00:52:03.000 I wish I knew the YouTube.

00:52:06.000 But look up Goodfellas, Joe Diaz, Alex Jones.

00:52:10.000 I don't know.

00:52:10.000 You can find it.

00:52:11.000 And anyway, what was hilarious about it is Alex is just so serious.

00:52:17.000 It's all doom and gloom.

00:52:19.000 And the government and the CIA has been spotted in Nicaragua with tons of cocaine.

00:52:27.000 And he's just like... 1.00

00:52:28.000 Fuck! 1.00

00:52:29.000 And to have a guy like Joey come in and just wreck shop. 1.00

00:52:32.000 Just being completely ridiculous. 0.99

00:52:35.000 And going for the laugh. 0.99

00:52:36.000 You know?

00:52:37.000 I thought I had dancing.

00:52:38.000 Swear.

00:52:39.000 My left ball is bigger than my right.

00:52:40.000 I thought I had cancer. 0.99

00:52:42.000 And to do it, this guy's got this fucking empire of doom and gloom. 0.99

00:52:47.000 He's got this empire of the fucking end of the world is here. 0.99

00:52:50.000 And this is what he's selling. 0.99

00:52:51.000 This is his entertainment.

00:52:52.000 And he's my friend! 0.95

00:52:53.000 And we just walked in and just gave him silly. 1.00

00:52:57.000 Here's some ridiculous, motherfucker. 1.00

00:52:59.000 Here's a human cartoon. 1.00

00:53:01.000 We're both high as...

00:53:03.000 Brian is so high...

00:53:04.000 Brian is sitting there with little Esther.

00:53:06.000 They're sitting on the floor watching.

00:53:09.000 On the bottom, like under the desk.

00:53:11.000 Like, we'll just sit here and watch.

00:53:13.000 They wanted to be inside watching and Brian's filming it and him and little Esther are giggling.

00:53:18.000 Dude, that was one of the greatest moments of my life.

00:53:21.000 That was one of the funniest things I've ever seen.

00:53:22.000 Now he was live at the time he was doing that?

00:53:24.000 Yeah.

00:53:24.000 Oh yeah, we're on the internet.

00:53:26.000 That's how all these videos are out there.

00:53:28.000 And he said there's a dump button.

00:53:29.000 I know when I did radio, the dump buttons are...

00:53:32.000 He doesn't have anything dumping when he's online.

00:53:35.000 When he's online, the online version is uncensored.

00:53:38.000 Wasn't he broadcasting live to tons of other radio stations?

00:53:43.000 No, that's why he told us.

00:53:43.000 He was while I was on it.

00:53:45.000 The first 45 minutes while I was on, it was just me and him.

00:53:48.000 And then, okay, we're going to do this next one.

00:53:51.000 We're going to live on the internet, but don't swear.

00:53:53.000 You know, if you do, it's okay.

00:53:54.000 You can't say that.

00:53:56.000 I hope he's okay, by the way.

00:53:57.000 Have you been watching the news about Austin and all the fires?

00:54:00.000 Is it bad?

00:54:00.000 Oh, it's super bad.

00:54:01.000 Like, tons of houses.

00:54:03.000 Well, I saw Dale Dudley posted something on Twitter about it that it took him like two and a half hours to get home and it's scary.

00:54:08.000 Yeah.

00:54:09.000 A lot of people are losing their houses in Austin right now. 0.99

00:54:13.000 Dude, wildfires are fucking nuts. 0.98

00:54:15.000 I've been in a few of them now. 0.99

00:54:16.000 I've been evacuated from my house on three separate occasions, twice in this house and twice in my other house. 0.99

00:54:21.000 It's fucking scary as shit, man. 0.99

00:54:23.000 How do you decide, because I just had a conversation with my wife going, we have no exit plan for zombies, earthquake, fire, nothing. 1.00

00:54:30.000 We have nothing now.

00:54:31.000 How do you know what to grab?

00:54:32.000 That's the one thing that was like...

00:54:33.000 You don't need to grab anything, man. 1.00

00:54:34.000 Grab your fucking wife. 1.00

00:54:36.000 Stop thinking about your shit because it's over, man. 1.00

00:54:39.000 You can reaccumulate shit. 1.00

00:54:41.000 You need to get the fuck out. 1.00

00:54:42.000 When you get to a situation like that, you know what you need? 0.99

00:54:45.000 You need your credit cards. 0.99

00:54:46.000 You need your fucking laptop, if you can get it, and some clothes for a few days. 1.00

00:54:50.000 Just fucking run. 1.00

00:54:52.000 Because they swarm on you so fast. 1.00

00:54:54.000 This is how fast those fucking fires are, man. 1.00

00:54:56.000 We were in... 0.99

00:54:57.000 Lake Tijon, which is like over an hour north, and you have to take the 5 up past Santa Clarita.

00:55:04.000 So I'm on the 5 up near Santa Clarita, and the fire is right there.

00:55:09.000 It's like as I'm driving to work.

00:55:10.000 It's like 10 o'clock in the morning.

00:55:12.000 As I'm going to work, it's like right there, and I'm like, whoa. 1.00

00:55:15.000 Fuck. 0.99

00:55:15.000 Like, this looks bad. 0.99

00:55:16.000 It looks bad.

00:55:17.000 I mean, it was a big fire.

00:55:18.000 So I'm at work.

00:55:20.000 We're filming Fear Factor.

00:55:21.000 We film for about three or four hours.

00:55:23.000 We get done with the stunt, and we see smoke coming over the mountain.

00:55:27.000 Now, this is over an hour and a half of driving 70 miles an hour.

00:55:32.000 The fire got to where I was in just a few hours.

00:55:35.000 Wow. 0.99

00:55:36.000 So when I leave, I get on the fucking highway. 0.99

00:55:38.000 And the entire way home, the whole right side of the highway is ablaze. 0.99

00:55:44.000 Like a horror movie.

00:55:46.000 Because it's nighttime, and it looks like a scene from The Hobbit.

00:55:49.000 Like I'm waiting for demons to come riding over in black horses with fiery eyes. 0.99

00:55:54.000 I mean, it's fucking terrifying, man. 0.99

00:55:57.000 And I tried to take some photos. 0.98

00:55:58.000 We also saw a dead guy there, too.

00:56:00.000 I think it talked about that.

00:56:01.000 Saw a guy getting hit by a car.

00:56:03.000 Matt Kunitz actually saw him.

00:56:04.000 One of the producers of Fear Factor.

00:56:06.000 He saw the guy's body.

00:56:08.000 I don't think he actually saw the impact.

00:56:10.000 I think he just saw it right after it happened.

00:56:12.000 I saw somebody get hit once and I still have that vision in my head.

00:56:15.000 You can't try to run across the highway, man!

00:56:18.000 People can't stop that fast.

00:56:19.000 You've got to be able to gauge how fast a person can stop.

00:56:23.000 You know, like a race car can stop 96 feet from like 100 miles an hour.

00:56:28.000 You know, that's a race car. 0.99

00:56:29.000 That's a lot of fucking distance, man. 0.99

00:56:31.000 96 feet screeching coming towards you. 1.00

00:56:35.000 A giant hunk of metal.

00:56:36.000 That's if the people are actually paying attention, not texting or something. 0.99

00:56:40.000 Yeah, no shit. 0.99

00:56:41.000 You've got to be careful. 0.99

00:56:42.000 There's people who do text on the highway, which is amazing.

00:56:45.000 I see it a lot now.

00:56:47.000 You see them just looking down and just kind of... 1.00

00:56:48.000 Motherfuckers. 1.00

00:56:51.000 Motherfuckers. 1.00

00:56:51.000 You know, someone that John Anik from ESPN's MMA Live, you know that show that they have? 1.00

00:56:57.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:56:57.000 He always says, don't text and drive.

00:56:59.000 He says it at the end of every show, which is such a good thing to do.

00:57:01.000 Just put it in people's heads.

00:57:03.000 Just don't do it.

00:57:05.000 Like Bob Barker.

00:57:06.000 I think texting drives better. 1.00

00:57:07.000 If your pets want to fuck, that's unfortunate, but Bob Barker's a good guy. 0.99

00:57:12.000 Just trying to make sure there's not any unwanted puppies. 0.99

00:57:17.000 Just little messages, little tags.

00:57:19.000 People have little tags.

00:57:22.000 Goldie has one.

00:57:23.000 I work with Mike Goldberg.

00:57:25.000 When a fight's over, it's always, and it's all over!

00:57:29.000 Joe, do you know who Tyler the Creator is?

00:57:31.000 Who?

00:57:31.000 Tyler the Creator.

00:57:33.000 Is he a rapper?

00:57:34.000 Yes.

00:57:34.000 He's really young.

00:57:35.000 He's like 20 years old.

00:57:36.000 Oh, yeah?

00:57:37.000 And I've been following his Twitter for a bit now, but I guess he just won something at the Video Movie Awards.

00:57:42.000 His Twitter's pretty funny. 0.98

00:57:43.000 He's Fuck Tyler on Twitter. 0.97

00:57:45.000 But he's just this little young kid, but he has this rap. 1.00

00:57:49.000 His Twitter's called Fuck Tyler? 0.99

00:57:50.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:57:51.000 Okay.

00:57:51.000 And he has this song.

00:57:52.000 Don't type that right.

00:57:53.000 It's going to be a really weird site that's going to pop up.

00:57:57.000 I'm a big fan.

00:57:58.000 I think you might like him.

00:57:59.000 Check out his raps.

00:58:00.000 What's really cool is he's not one of those guys that comes... 0.96

00:58:02.000 Damn, he's got 545,000 followers? 0.99

00:58:05.000 He's fucking brilliant. 1.00

00:58:06.000 Really? 0.98

00:58:06.000 I love this dude. 0.98

00:58:08.000 I love this guy. 0.99

00:58:08.000 Damn, how do I not know about this guy? 0.99

00:58:11.000 It's called like horror rap is what he gets tagged as with. 0.99

00:58:14.000 Horror?

00:58:15.000 Like monsters?

00:58:16.000 Horror.

00:58:17.000 Yeah, well, no, kind of like, I guess, scary rap.

00:58:19.000 Like, I saw one of his videos where, like, everyone has guns in their hands and stuff, kind of like, maybe like a new version of N.W.A., you know, kind of like Scarface.

00:58:27.000 You remember when Scarface and Ghetto Boys were, they were considered horror, kind of, like a gangster rap, I guess?

00:58:34.000 Horror?

00:58:35.000 Scarface was considered horror rap?

00:58:36.000 Yeah, remember when the Ghetto Boys was out?

00:58:38.000 They were kind of like, you kind of believed that they were like a gang almost. 0.99

00:58:41.000 You know, and there were fucking bullets in their eyes coming out of sockets and stuff. 0.99

00:58:45.000 I think he tried to kill himself, didn't he? 0.99

00:58:46.000 I don't remember.

00:58:47.000 I thought he got shot in the eye or something.

00:58:49.000 I don't know.

00:58:50.000 I think he, didn't he?

00:58:51.000 What happened?

00:58:52.000 I don't know what happened to that guy.

00:58:54.000 I'm just trying to think of the horror rap. 1.00

00:58:55.000 But there's a sweet bitch. 1.00

00:58:57.000 I think he tried to kill himself. 1.00

00:58:58.000 I think he was high on Everclear and he shot himself in the face.

00:59:01.000 There's a really cool video that you need to see of Tyler, the creator.

00:59:05.000 It's called Yonkers.

00:59:06.000 We need to have the answer to that.

00:59:08.000 Bushwick Bill shot himself?

00:59:10.000 Check out Yonkers.

00:59:11.000 See that guy that is...

00:59:13.000 I don't want to be saying that because I'm a fan.

00:59:19.000 You know what sucks about liking people like Tyler, the Creator, though?

00:59:22.000 It's like they have a live show in L.A., but I would be too scared to go there.

00:59:27.000 I got beat up by it.

00:59:28.000 You'd probably be scared.

00:59:29.000 Because I feel like...

00:59:31.000 You can't hang around with black eyes?

00:59:32.000 Well, I believe that probably the majority of the people that like him are probably a little bit rougher than me.

00:59:39.000 They would see me and try to rate me or something.

00:59:42.000 Rougher.

00:59:43.000 I was at a Curtis Blow, New Edition, UTFO concert in Detroit when I was 16 and we got beat up.

00:59:51.000 Really?

00:59:52.000 Okay, in 1991, Bushwickville, either in a suicidal funk or a drunken rage, or as a scheme to have his mother collect on his insurance policy...

01:00:02.000 He began goading his 17-year-old girlfriend and shooting him.

01:00:06.000 Wow.

01:00:07.000 Reports say he had threatened to harm the child they had together if she refused to go through with the deed.

01:00:13.000 What actually transpired has never been divulged by either party involved, but either his or her hand, by either his or her hand, Bill caught a slug in his right eye.

01:00:23.000 Whoa, shoot me, we're gonna make some money on an insurance policy. 0.99

01:00:28.000 Holy shit! 1.00

01:00:29.000 Let's do a sex tape! 1.00

01:00:31.000 Yeah, it was before that. 0.99

01:00:32.000 Wow, but he already had a bunch of...

01:00:35.000 Didn't they have hit songs already? 0.93

01:00:37.000 Who went that sex tape? 0.99

01:00:38.000 Could he not do shows or something?

01:00:41.000 Where was his money going?

01:00:43.000 He needed money that bad that he wanted to get shot for insurance money?

01:00:47.000 I mean, they were famous by that.

01:00:49.000 Yeah, you really didn't think that through.

01:00:51.000 And by the way, I don't think...

01:00:53.000 The first sex tape, I think, was that dude from Hogan's Heroes.

01:00:56.000 Dude, I'll always be a Bushwick Bill fan. 1.00

01:00:59.000 From that song, Fuck A War. 0.99

01:01:01.000 You know that song? 0.99

01:01:02.000 Didn't we play that on the podcast once? 1.00

01:01:03.000 It's a great fucking jam. 1.00

01:01:06.000 Bushwick Bill's Fuck A War. 1.00

01:01:08.000 Just for that alone, that dude gets my respect forever. 1.00

01:01:13.000 He can go shoot himself. 1.00

01:01:14.000 Go ahead. 0.84

01:01:15.000 Joe, did you ever have one of those Coca-Cola shirts in the 80s that were popular?

01:01:19.000 A Coca-Cola shirt?

01:01:20.000 Remember those Jersey Coca-Cola shirts that were really popular?

01:01:22.000 I don't know what you're talking about.

01:01:24.000 Do you know what he's talking about?

01:01:24.000 I don't know Jersey.

01:01:25.000 Did they sell that at Chess King?

01:01:26.000 No, no.

01:01:28.000 Holy cow. 0.89

01:01:29.000 They used to have these jerseys that just had the stripe across it that said Coca-Cola.

01:01:33.000 And it was a stripe on the arms and a stripe in the front.

01:01:36.000 I don't know what you're talking about.

01:01:37.000 Like hockey jersey or like basketball?

01:01:40.000 No, not jersey, like sports jersey.

01:01:41.000 Kind of like polo shirts kind of.

01:01:44.000 I remember there was a phase where people wore a lot of, yeah, like Coca-Cola just started making clothes that you would actually wear.

01:01:49.000 How did that become popular?

01:01:50.000 Did someone knock on the door?

01:01:53.000 Was that?

01:01:54.000 Did someone knock on the door?

01:01:55.000 Is that Woody Woodpen?

01:01:55.000 Is that Joey?

01:01:57.000 No.

01:01:58.000 No?

01:01:59.000 You heard that, right?

01:02:00.000 Yeah.

01:02:01.000 Maybe he's knocking on the front girl.

01:02:03.000 The front door. 1.00

01:02:04.000 He's fucking knocking up a girl. 1.00

01:02:05.000 Just ask if someone's knocking on the front door. 0.99

01:02:07.000 Joey Diaz is on his way over here, ladies and gentlemen.

01:02:09.000 Is it?

01:02:11.000 Oh, he's outside the door.

01:02:13.000 Hold on, folks.

01:02:14.000 Oh, Jesus Christ.

01:02:16.000 Did you know they're making a sequel to Knocked Up?

01:02:19.000 Hey, John, did you know that they're making a sequel to Knocked Up?

01:02:23.000 No, it ain't.

01:02:24.000 Sorry about that, guys.

01:02:25.000 We were trying to figure out where you were knocking.

01:02:26.000 Oh, I had to play burglar.

01:02:28.000 I had to jump the fence.

01:02:29.000 Joey Diaz has now just walked into the building. 0.99

01:02:32.000 Listen, we're high as fuck, and we had headphones on. 0.97

01:02:35.000 We had no idea where that noise was coming from. 0.99

01:02:37.000 You were knocking on the door.

01:02:38.000 We were looking around.

01:02:38.000 I didn't want to call.

01:02:39.000 It was a waste of time.

01:02:40.000 Where is he?

01:02:40.000 What's happening?

01:02:41.000 Hey, hold on.

01:02:42.000 John Efron, what's happening?

01:02:44.000 So just to cover what we're talking about, Brian was hypnotizing us with some story about Do you remember the Coca-Cola shirts in the 80s that were really popular that was kind of like a polo shirt?

01:02:56.000 The red shirt?

01:02:56.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:02:57.000 I remember the red shirt.

01:02:58.000 You guys remember.

01:02:59.000 We have no idea.

01:03:00.000 They have no idea what I'm talking about.

01:03:01.000 I don't know about the hypnotized.

01:03:02.000 I was never hypnotized by it.

01:03:04.000 I know the shirt you're talking about.

01:03:05.000 The red Coca-Cola.

01:03:06.000 Very popular. 0.95

01:03:06.000 No, we were hypnotized by his story because it was so ridiculous. 0.95

01:03:09.000 I was like, what are you talking about? 0.98

01:03:10.000 They thought it was crazy.

01:03:11.000 I'm so glad you walked in.

01:03:12.000 I'm glad you're here to defend him.

01:03:13.000 Otherwise, we're going to attack.

01:03:15.000 We're just mounting up our attack right now. 1.00

01:03:18.000 This motherfucker. 1.00

01:03:20.000 What's happening? 1.00

01:03:20.000 Joe Diaz in the fucking house, bitches! 1.00

01:03:22.000 Bro, this went to fucking Malibu and got hit in the fucking leg. 1.00

01:03:25.000 What happened? 1.00

01:03:26.000 By a rock.

01:03:27.000 Those eight-foot waves.

01:03:28.000 Oh, yeah. 0.99

01:03:28.000 We're bringing in fucking rocks, though. 0.99

01:03:30.000 Oh, yeah. 0.99

01:03:31.000 That thing knocked me over.

01:03:32.000 I mean, it was... 0.98

01:03:33.000 My foot was on the rock, and a rock squished my fucking fungi toe. 0.95

01:03:38.000 My uncle lives on the Jersey Shore, and he got a... 0.97

01:03:43.000 He made a video of waves fucking up the Jersey Shore, like how bad Irene crushed everything. 1.00

01:03:49.000 Holy fuck. 1.00

01:03:50.000 It's nuts, man. 1.00

01:03:51.000 Newark is really bad. 1.00

01:03:52.000 Middle New Jersey is fucking bad, man. 1.00

01:03:54.000 It's crazy. 1.00

01:03:56.000 Vermont got fucked up. 1.00

01:03:57.000 Vermont. 1.00

01:03:58.000 You know what the really crazy thing was?

01:04:00.000 Looking at the satellite image of how big the hurricane was.

01:04:03.000 When they talked about it was going to take two days to reach Vermont from Florida, or North Carolina, I remember looking at the picture, I'm like, that's the scale?

01:04:12.000 That's a country!

01:04:14.000 That's a country of a storm flying overhead.

01:04:17.000 It looked bigger than most European countries.

01:04:19.000 Bigger than Germany or something like that. 0.91

01:04:22.000 What's a small European country?

01:04:23.000 It was way bigger than that.

01:04:24.000 It was huge!

01:04:26.000 Some of those countries in Europe are very small and very close to each other.

01:04:32.000 This hurricane was bigger than a couple of countries. 1.00

01:04:37.000 It's fucking nuts, man. 0.99

01:04:38.000 And it ain't over. 0.99

01:04:39.000 I think we'll get one this year that'll do some damage.

01:04:41.000 At least one.

01:04:42.000 Is that the biggest one of all time?

01:04:43.000 No.

01:04:44.000 On that side of the country?

01:04:46.000 Yeah.

01:04:46.000 What's the biggest one of all time?

01:04:48.000 Gloria? 0.74

01:04:49.000 Because I remember when I was a kid, Hurricane Gloria hit.

01:04:53.000 I don't remember.

01:04:53.000 Katrina wouldn't be the biggest?

01:04:56.000 Well, it was one of the most devastating, but that was also because where it hit.

01:04:59.000 It hit New Orleans, which is really crazy that no big one's ever hit New Orleans before. 0.98

01:05:04.000 It's right on the fucking Gulf Coast right there. 0.98

01:05:06.000 They just got lucky. 0.99

01:05:08.000 It's like, you talk about, like, living anywhere tornadoes hit is just, like, totally like plain craps.

01:05:14.000 One day, this guy becomes an angry monster and destroys an entire town.

01:05:18.000 You see those pictures they had in Tuscaloosa, Alabama? 0.98

01:05:20.000 Un-fucking-believable. 0.89

01:05:21.000 Waving Joplin. 0.95

01:05:22.000 The whole place is gone.

01:05:24.000 Gone.

01:05:25.000 That's Joplin, Missouri?

01:05:26.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:05:26.000 Yeah, they always get fucking whacked. 0.99

01:05:28.000 They get whacked hard, bro. 1.00

01:05:29.000 They get whacked hard. 0.89

01:05:31.000 Crazy, man, that people choose to stay in places like that.

01:05:34.000 I guess they can't economically.

01:05:37.000 I mean, there's an earthquake in the East Coast.

01:05:38.000 We're not safe anyway. 0.99

01:05:40.000 We're either in Tornado Alley, Earthquake Alley, or fucking Hurricane Alley. 0.99

01:05:43.000 That's it. 0.99

01:05:44.000 It's true.

01:05:44.000 You know, I was at Malibu the other day.

01:05:46.000 I'm looking at these waves, and I'm looking at the intensity. 0.98

01:05:48.000 And for one second, I thought about, what if there is a fucking tsunami at Malibu? 0.98

01:05:53.000 What if? 0.99

01:05:54.000 I was sitting there going, what if? 0.99

01:05:55.000 A little fucking earthquake. 0.99

01:05:56.000 That's a wild ocean out there. 1.00

01:05:58.000 The ocean is just wild.

01:05:59.000 It's the blood of the earth. 0.99

01:06:01.000 It's 60% of whatever the fucking coverage is. 0.99

01:06:04.000 And it baffles the fuck out of me since I was a kid, so I don't fuck with it. 0.99

01:06:09.000 I know it's got power. 0.99

01:06:10.000 I almost drowned in Coney Island.

01:06:12.000 I almost drowned as a kid in Coney Island. 0.96

01:06:14.000 And I was out there, up to your waist, playing with a ball, and all of a sudden, You know, something just sucks you, and you don't know what it is. 0.77

01:06:22.000 That's so scary. 0.99

01:06:22.000 And next thing you know, you're in a fucking toe, and you know what, man? 0.99

01:06:26.000 What do they call them? 0.99

01:06:27.000 A missile toe, but undertow.

01:06:29.000 Yeah, undertow.

01:06:29.000 Or a riptide.

01:06:30.000 No, undertow.

01:06:31.000 Yeah, a riptide or undertow.

01:06:32.000 Both of them the same. 0.98

01:06:33.000 I don't mind pools and shit. 1.00

01:06:34.000 I know people pissing them and shit, but the fucking ocean's a different animal. 0.99

01:06:38.000 You know, I didn't even know. 1.00

01:06:39.000 Look, I got clocked by a fucking rock. 0.99

01:06:41.000 That's a creepy feeling, too, when you feel the undertow or the riptide, whatever the fuck it is, pulling you back. 0.99

01:06:45.000 Yeah, we used to go to... 0.96

01:06:46.000 That is the ocean trying to pull you into it. 0.99

01:06:48.000 Remember when you look back and see your mom and she's getting farther and farther and finally they're like, get the fuck in! 0.99

01:06:54.000 And you're like, it's up to my waist! 1.00

01:06:55.000 And it's sucking you in and all of a sudden you just go from 5 feet to 15 feet and now you're caught in that fucking... 0.99

01:07:01.000 It's scary because you're supposed to actually, when you're being pulled, swim, don't fight it. 0.99

01:07:06.000 You know, Greg Fitzsimmons saved somebody.

01:07:09.000 Some girl, he was on vacation.

01:07:11.000 And Greg Fitzsimmons is not like the most fit guy.

01:07:13.000 He's a small dude.

01:07:14.000 And he said some girl got pulled away by the tide and she started screaming.

01:07:18.000 And he realized she couldn't swim very well. 1.00

01:07:20.000 And he went, oh, fuck. 1.00

01:07:21.000 And he had a moment to decide what to do and he jumped in. 1.00

01:07:25.000 And he was there with his family.

01:07:27.000 You've got to be careful about that, man, because you know what happens?

01:07:29.000 People drown you.

01:07:30.000 If you don't really know how to rescue someone and you grab ahold of them, they panic and they drag you under. 1.00

01:07:35.000 That's fucking dangerous as shit, man. 0.99

01:07:37.000 Rescuing someone is very hard to do. 1.00

01:07:39.000 You gotta really know what the fuck you're doing. 0.99

01:07:41.000 That's right. 0.99

01:07:41.000 The first time I moved to California, I went wakeboarding. 0.99

01:07:45.000 We went out in the thing.

01:07:46.000 And a huge wave, but I missed it.

01:07:47.000 I didn't know to go under.

01:07:49.000 I didn't know to shoot the board under and pop up.

01:07:51.000 So I rode.

01:07:52.000 So it took me nine feet in there and threw me backwards.

01:07:56.000 And then pinned me.

01:07:57.000 And ever since then, I haven't done it again.

01:07:58.000 Like, I'm too afraid to, like... 0.99

01:08:00.000 Because I just got my ass kicked so bad that one particular time. 0.98

01:08:03.000 I'm like, nah, I'm gonna... 0.99

01:08:04.000 And you're from the land of the rivers up there, Michigan.

01:08:06.000 Yeah, well, it's a little bit easier. 1.00

01:08:08.000 Oh, a couple fucking mosquitoes. 0.99

01:08:09.000 That's the worst thing you run into. 1.00

01:08:11.000 You got a pontoon boat.

01:08:12.000 Yeah, somebody. 1.00

01:08:13.000 You know, that's a different fucking animal. 1.00

01:08:15.000 Those mosquitoes on the lake are brutal. 1.00

01:08:18.000 They're pretty bad.

01:08:18.000 They're brutal.

01:08:19.000 They'll pick you the fuck up now. 1.00

01:08:21.000 They'll pick you the fuck up and put you somewhere else. 1.00

01:08:23.000 They got those blanky fucking, just rub bacon milk. 0.99

01:08:25.000 Anytime you're near water on the East Coast, I used to, there was a, the Charles River was near my house on the East Coast, and I went into the bushes one time with this chick, and we were fucking around, and we had our pants down, and we had to stop because we were getting I just got attacked 0.99

01:08:55.000 by swarms.

01:08:57.000 I still remember some of the worst nights when that one mosquito would get into your bedroom and your dad didn't put on the air so it was probably you're sleeping in 85 degree weather and you just hear the one just that one and you can't get it.

01:09:09.000 It's the worst.

01:09:11.000 It's brutal.

01:09:12.000 I rented a house once and nobody had lived in the house for a couple of years.

01:09:16.000 And they had left all the water in the pool. 0.98

01:09:18.000 So I got there and the pool was fucking green, man. 0.98

01:09:22.000 I mean, green like pea soup. 0.98

01:09:24.000 And I looked in it and I see like these schools. 0.99

01:09:28.000 And I go, what the fuck is that? 1.00

01:09:30.000 There's these schools of these little tiny bugs swimming. 1.00

01:09:33.000 I'm talking hundreds of thousands.

01:09:36.000 Hundreds of thousands of these 20 bugs. 1.00

01:09:37.000 The guy goes, oh shit. 0.99

01:09:39.000 I go, what? 1.00

01:09:39.000 He goes, those are mosquito larvae. 1.00

01:09:41.000 I go, what?

01:09:43.000 What?

01:09:44.000 We had a problem.

01:09:46.000 I go, so when is this going to hatch?

01:09:48.000 He goes, this could hatch any day now. 0.99

01:09:50.000 I'm like, holy shit! 0.99

01:09:52.000 So this has just been providing mosquitoes to the entire community for years. 0.99

01:09:56.000 This big pool of mosquitoes, man.

01:09:58.000 So this guy had to pump gallons and gallons and gallons of poison in there. 0.99

01:10:03.000 It took like two weeks to clean that fucking thing out. 0.97

01:10:06.000 He had to pump the filter and pump all the chlorine and gallons and gallons of chlorine, then drain all the water out because it was too poisonous and put new water in it. 0.99

01:10:16.000 Because you couldn't just drain it. 0.99

01:10:18.000 You have all these fucking bugs floating around in the water. 0.99

01:10:21.000 I'm talking literally hundreds of pounds of mosquitoes. 1.00

01:10:25.000 It was crazy.

01:10:27.000 You know what's crazy? 0.95

01:10:27.000 We're not all fucking as old as I am, but... 0.95

01:10:29.000 What have happened to off? 0.99

01:10:31.000 That shit don't work no more. 0.99

01:10:33.000 Somebody told me about six years ago. 1.00

01:10:34.000 I went somewhere and they were like, off don't work no more, bro.

01:10:37.000 Those are for 80s mosquitoes.

01:10:38.000 They even got it like in the back of Rouse now.

01:10:42.000 They don't even push off. 0.98

01:10:43.000 There hasn't been an off fucking cover. 0.97

01:10:44.000 Remember when we were kids, you could light the thing? 0.98

01:10:46.000 I know you did in Michigan.

01:10:48.000 You light the thing and then you can hang out.

01:10:50.000 The citronella candle.

01:10:51.000 Man.

01:10:52.000 No, the one made by Orff.

01:10:54.000 That was a wave.

01:10:55.000 It was a circle.

01:10:56.000 So when it burned at the end, you knew you had to go in.

01:10:58.000 That's when you had to go in.

01:10:59.000 Now, those mosquitoes, that's like nothing. 1.00

01:11:01.000 They're like, pfft, fucking Orff? 1.00

01:11:03.000 You're going to put Orff on you? 1.00

01:11:05.000 They don't even advertise it no more.

01:11:06.000 Think about it.

01:11:07.000 What happened to Orff?

01:11:08.000 Done!

01:11:08.000 These mosquitoes don't even respect Orff no more.

01:11:11.000 It's like, Orff? 1.00

01:11:12.000 That's old school, bitch. 1.00

01:11:13.000 How ridiculous is Orff? 1.00

01:11:15.000 Yeah, Orff. 0.99

01:11:16.000 Don't go out until you got the Orff on. 1.00

01:11:17.000 It smells like dick. 1.00

01:11:19.000 Nobody uses off no more. 0.99

01:11:21.000 It's still there because I checked. 0.99

01:11:22.000 People know that shit don't work. 1.00

01:11:24.000 Even if it does work, it's probably poisonous. 1.00

01:11:27.000 You're pouring something on your body that makes you unattractive. 1.00

01:11:30.000 We used to spray fucking mosquitoes. 1.00

01:11:32.000 It's probably not good for you. 1.00

01:11:34.000 Your skin is the biggest organ on your body. 0.99

01:11:37.000 When you're spraying stuff, says the man with tattoos all over his skin. 1.00

01:11:41.000 What the fuck am I talking about? 0.99

01:11:43.000 I got ink in my skin. 0.99

01:11:44.000 But spraying anything on your skin, like even sunscreen, it's going to be absorbed.

01:11:49.000 Those chemicals are going to be absorbed by your body.

01:11:50.000 Kids used to run behind the...

01:11:52.000 There used to be a truck.

01:11:53.000 This is a little bit older than me. 0.68

01:11:54.000 The truck would drive down the street with just poison, shoot it into the air to kill all the... 0.78

01:12:00.000 Oh, yeah.

01:12:00.000 Yeah, I remember that.

01:12:01.000 Maybe our grandparents, but the kids used to follow it like an ice cream truck and just run down the street behind that fumigator. 0.99

01:12:09.000 Dude, there's some guys in my neighborhood, I don't know what the deal is, what they're killing, but they were walking around the other day with fucking masks on their face with these white suits on, and they had these little plastic spray jugs, and they were spraying this shit on the side of the road. 0.99

01:12:23.000 What the fuck could you be spraying in the road that I want you to spray in the road while you're wearing a gas mask? 1.00

01:12:29.000 Do you have just an excess amount of this shit and need to kill weeds? 1.00

01:12:33.000 What, is somebody getting hay fever? 1.00

01:12:35.000 You know, come on, man.

01:12:36.000 I mean, you want to hire somebody to cut it down, then you're making new jobs.

01:12:38.000 But spraying poison on the side of the road, is that really necessary? 0.99

01:12:43.000 Who the fuck says okay to that? 1.00

01:12:45.000 Isn't there laws against that shit? 1.00

01:12:47.000 I don't know. 1.00

01:12:47.000 What are they doing? 1.00

01:12:48.000 It wouldn't be bug stuff.

01:12:50.000 I don't think they do it much anymore.

01:12:51.000 They have to still do it, though.

01:12:52.000 They must still do it.

01:12:52.000 Well, I saw them do it, but what are they doing?

01:12:55.000 What are they spraying?

01:12:56.000 Are they spraying for weeds?

01:12:57.000 No, I think it's mosquitoes.

01:12:58.000 No.

01:12:59.000 On the side of the road?

01:13:01.000 I read about it.

01:13:02.000 Right on the side of the road.

01:13:03.000 I think that's weeds, bro.

01:13:03.000 Yeah, it used to go in the middle of the night.

01:13:05.000 It's just that thing, right?

01:13:07.000 I don't know.

01:13:08.000 I'd say weeds over bugs.

01:13:10.000 This is too big of an area.

01:13:10.000 I think it's weeds.

01:13:11.000 I don't think it's bugs.

01:13:13.000 Yeah, there's no way.

01:13:15.000 They don't really kill that many bugs.

01:13:17.000 Because the problem with killing bugs is there's some crazy ecosystem out there, man.

01:13:21.000 There's a whole sort of a cycle to it.

01:13:22.000 And if you squash one thing, like mosquitoes or bugs, you might fuck up some other part of the ecosystem along with it and it might kill birds.

01:13:30.000 Did you see the guy, there's a guy who made an entire ecosystem in his house and that's how he keeps spiders and flies away?

01:13:36.000 Have you seen it?

01:13:37.000 No.

01:13:38.000 I don't know the exact number.

01:13:40.000 He has hundreds of different bug species that eat each other, and he has perimeters in his house.

01:13:45.000 It's an entire...

01:13:46.000 So he leaves the flies, but then the spiders come and make the thing, but then these things eat the spiders.

01:13:51.000 I saw it on his thing.

01:13:52.000 He has an entire...

01:13:53.000 That's his bug system.

01:13:55.000 And he has perimeters set up, and they don't leave the perimeters.

01:13:58.000 So by the time you're in his house, nothing.

01:14:00.000 Well, look, man, if you look at animals that eat other animals...

01:14:03.000 But he's got all these crazy worms that do this thing, but he's got it all figured out.

01:14:05.000 It's how it's supposed to be set up.

01:14:06.000 I mean, I guess if you paid attention to it and you find out what the prey is and what things eat and what eats them...

01:14:13.000 He had frogs and everything.

01:14:15.000 He had the whole system.

01:14:15.000 That's fascinating, man.

01:14:16.000 I wonder how much effort he has to put into keeping that going.

01:14:19.000 Oh, no, it was crazy.

01:14:19.000 It was like something you'd see at a zoo.

01:14:22.000 That's his life's work.

01:14:23.000 That's like the hip bone connected to the joint bone. 0.98

01:14:25.000 That's like there's something always fucking doing. 0.97

01:14:28.000 Somebody's always eating somebody. 0.98

01:14:30.000 Yeah, that's why I don't have piranhas anymore. 0.99

01:14:32.000 I had the piranhas were a pain in the ass, man. 0.99

01:14:34.000 First of all, you had to clean that tank like every couple of days because they eat messy. 0.99

01:14:38.000 It's exciting when they eat, but they eat messy.

01:14:40.000 But they're only exciting when they're eating.

01:14:42.000 When they're eating, it's crazy to watch them, man.

01:14:44.000 I would feed them goldfish and they would go on a rampage. 0.99

01:14:47.000 It was incredible to watch, man. 1.00

01:14:49.000 You suck as a goldfish. 1.00

01:14:50.000 You think you're going to some little kid who's going to name you and you're going to fly around the treasure chest and suddenly you're like, what? 1.00

01:14:57.000 Fuck goldfish. 1.00

01:14:59.000 They traumatized me as a kid. 1.00

01:15:00.000 I used to fish for goldfish and the goldfish in New York are the weirdest thing because you get them out of the Hudson River, which is murky, you put them into clean water and they die. 1.00

01:15:08.000 What the fuck? 1.00

01:15:09.000 You've been living in that shit water for 10 years. 1.00

01:15:11.000 I bring you home. 1.00

01:15:11.000 I give you love and warmth. 1.00

01:15:12.000 There's goldfish in the Hudson?

01:15:13.000 In the Central Park.

01:15:15.000 When I was a kid in Central Park.

01:15:16.000 How'd you catch them? 0.99

01:15:17.000 Just a little fucking thing or a net. 0.99

01:15:19.000 Oh, they were probably carp. 0.99

01:15:20.000 Yeah, you have like the little paddle boats in Central Park.

01:15:23.000 You probably know.

01:15:24.000 They're goldfish.

01:15:25.000 Are they goldfish or they're carp?

01:15:26.000 Yeah, they're big goldfish.

01:15:27.000 They're big goldfish. 1.00

01:15:28.000 You don't want to catch nothing out of that fucking Hudson, dog. 1.00

01:15:30.000 I seen a friend of mine eat an eel's heart one time out of the Hudson. 1.00

01:15:34.000 What? 1.00

01:15:34.000 That motherfucker glowed in the dark for years. 1.00

01:15:37.000 You know what I'm saying? 1.00

01:15:37.000 When I was a kid, it was funny because Puerto Ricans lived in the Bronx and Brooklyn. 1.00

01:15:42.000 It's so weird how the nationality thing goes.

01:15:46.000 But Puerto Ricans' big weekend out in the old days was to go to Jersey. 0.82

01:15:50.000 If you watch Copland, you catch the black people under the bridge and Salone's giving them a ticket and they're like, that's the last time we'll come over to Jersey! 1.00

01:15:58.000 Because that was a big thing.

01:15:59.000 As bad as people put Jersey, it's got a little couple sightseeing things.

01:16:02.000 Especially like some people rent a We're good to go.

01:16:21.000 You know, they pull up with a car.

01:16:22.000 And Puerto Ricans are famous.

01:16:23.000 You know, they come out of the car, tend to a car.

01:16:25.000 That's no hacking thing. 0.99

01:16:27.000 It's the shit that was in the car. 1.00

01:16:29.000 The grill, the couch, the 12-piece fucking mambo fucking band. 1.00

01:16:33.000 I mean, they're amazing. 1.00

01:16:34.000 And you go under the Hudson Bridge and hear these people are in this disgusting water.

01:16:38.000 And this life is, they're just making the best of what they had. 0.99

01:16:40.000 They came from the fucking Bronx in the 70s, which had nothing. 0.98

01:16:44.000 You know? 0.99

01:16:45.000 They just dug the Bronx River out.

01:16:47.000 Did you read what they found in there?

01:16:48.000 No.

01:16:49.000 Buildings!

01:16:49.000 What?

01:16:50.000 Like, people were throwing buildings and cars in there.

01:16:52.000 Buildings?

01:16:53.000 Yeah, like that. 0.98

01:16:53.000 You know, the Hudson, all that shit is so, they have destroyed that. 0.98

01:16:57.000 The pollution levels. 0.99

01:16:58.000 I watched a show the other day about plastic.

01:17:00.000 Right.

01:17:01.000 I did not know.

01:17:03.000 Do you think it's inevitable that if you get 7 million people living on an island like Manhattan that you have to just pollute?

01:17:08.000 What are you going to do?

01:17:10.000 Just look at any random stall at a public restroom. 0.99

01:17:13.000 That's only 10 people going and not giving a shit. 0.99

01:17:16.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:17:16.000 You know, it's like you're animals. 1.00

01:17:18.000 Like, no one knows. 0.56

01:17:19.000 I think guys just getting, like, a public stall and go, I'm just going to piss all over the place. 0.99

01:17:23.000 What the fuck is wrong with people, man? 0.99

01:17:24.000 Did you see Naples last week? 1.00

01:17:27.000 Yes.

01:17:27.000 Beautiful city.

01:17:28.000 How about the garbage? 0.97

01:17:29.000 Yeah.

01:17:29.000 How about the garbage?

01:17:30.000 They don't pick up garbage.

01:17:31.000 Can you imagine living your life with garbage? 1.00

01:17:33.000 You know what that fucking smells like after a week? 1.00

01:17:36.000 A week in this fucking weather? 1.00

01:17:37.000 I told this story once about going to Harlem to play One Pocket. 1.00

01:17:41.000 My friend Johnny B and Mount Vernon Tommy and this dude Juan, we all went to Harlem to play some pimps.

01:17:47.000 The pimps would be gambling, playing pool.

01:17:50.000 So they would spend a lot of money, so the word got out, it was like 125th Street in Harlem, maybe even higher than that.

01:17:56.000 We got there, and there was apparently some garbage strike, and the garbage was 7 feet to 8 feet high for a whole block.

01:18:03.000 I mean, a whole block, dude.

01:18:05.000 It was nuts.

01:18:05.000 People would just step outside and throw their garbage on a pile, and there was rats everywhere.

01:18:10.000 Everywhere.

01:18:11.000 Everywhere.

01:18:11.000 It's incredible.

01:18:13.000 Because there's bags of food.

01:18:14.000 There's bags of things that rats can eat.

01:18:16.000 I'm talking literally a block of eight foot high piles of garbage.

01:18:21.000 It was horrifying, man.

01:18:22.000 My friends worked for Hunt Chemical and they went to India.

01:18:25.000 They all got transferred to India in the early 90s.

01:18:28.000 And they came back and they were telling me stories about how they don't kill rats there. 0.99

01:18:32.000 So when you pull up at night with your car, you know how you see a raccoon or a fucking cat? 0.99

01:18:37.000 It'd just be rats in your garbage. 1.00

01:18:39.000 You have to sit there for 10 minutes and let them run out of the fucking garbage before you get out of the car. 1.00

01:18:44.000 I can't deal with that. 1.00

01:18:46.000 Did you see the rat they found in the Bronx?

01:18:47.000 I know you've seen that. 1.00

01:18:49.000 Tell them how big the fucking rat was. 1.00

01:18:51.000 And how many were there? 1.00

01:18:53.000 They said there's a lot of them.

01:18:54.000 The guy looked in and goes, he thought there were kids in there.

01:18:56.000 He thought it was like kids.

01:18:58.000 He put them out.

01:18:59.000 They were like a cat.

01:19:00.000 The back legs...

01:19:01.000 You know how a cat picks his legs up?

01:19:02.000 He had it like this.

01:19:04.000 Like three feet?

01:19:04.000 How big were they?

01:19:06.000 It was the biggest rat I've ever seen in my life. 0.99

01:19:07.000 It was fucking enormous. 0.99

01:19:09.000 Its body looked like it was almost two feet long. 1.00

01:19:11.000 His body was clearly more than a foot long.

01:19:15.000 His body easily could have been a foot and a half, maybe even two feet long. 0.99

01:19:18.000 It was a big rat. 0.87

01:19:19.000 And this guy said there's a lot of them there. 0.97

01:19:21.000 He said there was a lot of them in that hole.

01:19:23.000 You know, it's so weird.

01:19:24.000 I grew up on ADHD for a while when I came from Cuba.

01:19:27.000 And we would kill rats. 0.98

01:19:28.000 You know, you chase a rat, hit him with a stick, light him on fire, throw rocks at him. 1.00

01:19:32.000 You make sure that motherfucker's dead. 1.00

01:19:34.000 Then I used to spend my summers on the 140th Street. 1.00

01:19:37.000 My godmother had three buildings so I could walk underneath. 0.98

01:19:40.000 I seen a rat under there one time that his eyes were so fucking big. 0.98

01:19:45.000 His eyes were so fucking big that I was like, you know where I've seen a big rat to? 0.99

01:19:50.000 At the La Jolla Comedy Store fucking condo. 1.00

01:19:53.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:19:53.000 I've seen a rat in that motherfucker. 1.00

01:19:54.000 I packed my bags and got back on that five, bitch. 1.00

01:19:57.000 Really? 1.00

01:19:57.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00

01:19:58.000 I've seen a big rat there.

01:19:59.000 I think they live in the ocean.

01:20:00.000 God. 1.00

01:20:01.000 Damn, they live in the ocean. 1.00

01:20:02.000 Listen, I can't deal with that. 1.00

01:20:03.000 Rats are so fucking durable. 0.98

01:20:05.000 They can compress their body and get through really small holes, too. 1.00

01:20:09.000 Like a big rat can smoosh his body and get through a fairly small fucking hole. 0.99

01:20:13.000 It's really kind of crazy to watch. 1.00

01:20:15.000 Rats are fucking crazy. 0.99

01:20:16.000 Do you think guys back in the day, like 400, 500 years ago, were afraid of rats or they just looked at it as food? 1.00

01:20:23.000 We're lucky that we don't have to deal with the rats.

01:20:26.000 I don't think they're afraid. 0.98

01:20:27.000 If you go back Neanderthal days, they didn't give a fuck about a rat. 0.98

01:20:31.000 Anything small. 0.97

01:20:32.000 I live up in the hills too and I have a privacy fence and you'll see them just running.

01:20:36.000 My dogs will try to...

01:20:37.000 And then I'll jump every time I see one.

01:20:40.000 I'm like, when do you get over that?

01:20:42.000 Dude, I used to have them in my...

01:20:43.000 I had to bring in Exterminators. 0.75

01:20:44.000 I used to have them in my attic.

01:20:45.000 You would hear them.

01:20:46.000 It was like, literally, like two dogs fighting up there.

01:20:50.000 I would hear, like, they would screech and squawk at each other sometimes, because they would be mating.

01:20:54.000 So I'd hear... 0.99

01:20:57.000 I would hear rats scream, fuck yeah, in my house. 1.00

01:21:00.000 I'd hear it in my attic. 1.00

01:21:02.000 I had to hire a guy to come in and kill them all. 1.00

01:21:04.000 He said it was nuts. 1.00

01:21:05.000 They weren't that big.

01:21:06.000 They were regular size. 0.99

01:21:07.000 But, you know, they're fucking running in your ceiling. 1.00

01:21:11.000 Running and slamming into things and fighting over pussy. 1.00

01:21:14.000 They were screaming and fighting over pussy. 1.00

01:21:16.000 Isn't that weird? 0.99

01:21:17.000 I don't know if you were there.

01:21:18.000 A friend of mine told me once how they would do arson in the old days.

01:21:22.000 They would get a cage and put mice in them and pour gasoline on the mice and light the mice on fire and pull the thing.

01:21:28.000 And the mice run into the walls and dig.

01:21:31.000 That's the way the Jews light your house on fire. 1.00

01:21:33.000 Them Jews would do that fucking insurance scam and the rats would go into the walls. 1.00

01:21:38.000 And burn the wall. 1.00

01:21:39.000 That's the way that you do old school Jewish lightning. 1.00

01:21:42.000 That is fucking brilliant. 0.99

01:21:42.000 That's how you do old school Jewish lightning. 0.99

01:21:45.000 That's old school Jewish lightning. 1.00

01:21:47.000 As long as you had enough rats, right? 1.00

01:21:48.000 That means the fucking place is going down because while they're searing, they're still going in your walls, dying. 1.00

01:21:54.000 So they're starting more fucking things in your walls. 1.00

01:21:57.000 Would gasoline be enough? 0.99

01:21:59.000 You'd have to really dip him in there.

01:22:00.000 You'd have to dip him in there.

01:22:01.000 This is the old days when everybody was in on it. 1.00

01:22:03.000 The fucking insurance people came. 1.00

01:22:05.000 Look at Bushwick Bill got shot in the fucking head. 1.00

01:22:07.000 Did he? 1.00

01:22:08.000 You didn't hear about this?

01:22:08.000 No!

01:22:09.000 We were here earlier.

01:22:10.000 Bushwick Bill, we were reading about an old story.

01:22:13.000 It's an old story.

01:22:13.000 It happened in like 99. He told his girlfriend to shoot him in the head because he wanted to get the insurance money.

01:22:19.000 And they don't know who did it, whether he shot himself in the head or she shot him in the head, but he got shot in the eye.

01:22:26.000 So is he alive?

01:22:26.000 Yeah, he's alive.

01:22:27.000 Because somebody's seen him in Houston years ago.

01:22:29.000 John Westling. 0.99

01:22:30.000 Somebody's seen Bushwood fucking Bill. 0.98

01:22:31.000 No, this happened in the 80s. 0.99

01:22:32.000 We just figured it out.

01:22:33.000 It happened a long time ago.

01:22:33.000 Oh, okay, okay.

01:22:35.000 I think he's on the cover of one of his fucking We Can't Be Stopped, I think, the Ghetto Boys, with the patch over his eye. 0.99

01:22:40.000 It shows his eye all fucked up where he shot himself. 0.99

01:22:43.000 Isn't it? 0.98

01:22:44.000 Yeah, it's on one of the albums where he's coming out in a gurney. 0.99

01:22:47.000 How fucked up would that be to shoot you so? 0.99

01:22:49.000 When you're high on Everclear, apparently, you do a lot of crazy things. 1.00

01:22:53.000 Everclear is like some super powerful alcohol.

01:22:55.000 First time I got pulled over, I was on seven shots of Everclear.

01:22:58.000 What?

01:22:58.000 And the cop, I was 16. Oh my god!

01:23:02.000 I used to work at this movie theater with all these guys that were like 18 or 19, and I would go to this military base and buy Everclear.

01:23:10.000 What?

01:23:11.000 They thought it was cool because they were the ones that first introduced me to weed and everything.

01:23:15.000 The military?

01:23:16.000 No, no.

01:23:17.000 These guys that I hang out with.

01:23:18.000 These older guys. 0.98

01:23:22.000 They thought it would be funny to get me fucked up on it by giving me shots. 0.98

01:23:27.000 And I wanted to act like, oh yeah, I'm cool, I can do shots of this. 0.97

01:23:30.000 Not knowing what Everclear was.

01:23:31.000 I just heard it was like a strong alcohol.

01:23:33.000 What is the percentage of alcohol in Everclear?

01:23:35.000 I wanted to say it was like 120 proof.

01:23:38.000 You had seven of them.

01:23:40.000 Proof?

01:23:40.000 And then they let you drive.

01:23:42.000 Well, no, they thought I was crashing there, but I lied to them. 1.00

01:23:47.000 If you know Brian, he got in that fucking car. 1.00

01:23:49.000 I'm not drunk, bitch! 1.00

01:23:50.000 I ain't drunk, motherfucker! 1.00

01:23:51.000 I had seven shots! 1.00

01:23:52.000 Yeah, he will argue with you when he's drunk.

01:23:54.000 This is all alleged, by the way.

01:23:55.000 The coolest thing was, though, is that I got pulled over right down the street.

01:23:59.000 Literally, like two blocks, I got pulled over.

01:24:01.000 And the cop goes, dude, you're wasted.

01:24:04.000 Alright, here's the deal.

01:24:05.000 See this UDF, which is like a gas station?

01:24:07.000 He's like, you park your car in there, you sit there.

01:24:10.000 He's like, I want you to go inside, buy a cup of coffee.

01:24:12.000 I'm coming back in four hours. 1.00

01:24:13.000 If you're not here, I'm giving you a fucking DUI. I'm going, I know where you live and everything like that. 1.00

01:24:17.000 What a good cop.

01:24:18.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:24:19.000 Sort of. 1.00

01:24:20.000 Really, you should go to jail, you fuck. 1.00

01:24:21.000 He even gets better. 1.00

01:24:22.000 He even gets better.

01:24:23.000 I was like, he's like, go in there and get a coffee.

01:24:26.000 And I'm like, actually, I have no money.

01:24:27.000 And he goes, he gave me money to buy a cup of coffee.

01:24:32.000 That's a strong cop.

01:24:33.000 There's good cops out there, man.

01:24:35.000 Everclear in Boulder, Colorado, there's a Mexican restaurant.

01:24:38.000 I don't know if it's still there.

01:24:39.000 Papusa's?

01:24:40.000 No, it's on Melrose.

01:24:42.000 Ah, Melrose.

01:24:43.000 Whatever, the main pearl.

01:24:44.000 If you're in Boulder, go to Papusa's. 0.99

01:24:46.000 Fucking tremendous. 0.99

01:24:48.000 But the secret of this place was that margaritas were made with Everclear instead of Cointreau. 0.99

01:24:53.000 Wow.

01:24:53.000 So you were only allowed three.

01:24:55.000 And then they asked you to fucking leave. 0.99

01:24:57.000 And I see tough guys going there. 1.00

01:24:58.000 Fuck that! 1.00

01:24:59.000 I ate Quaaludes! 1.00

01:25:00.000 Three of those, and you'd just be like this, bro.

01:25:02.000 I think El Coyote does that.

01:25:04.000 Are they allowed to do that? 0.61

01:25:04.000 Yeah. 0.61

01:25:05.000 I think El Coyote does that in Los Angeles. 1.00

01:25:07.000 Three margarita limit, bitch. 1.00

01:25:09.000 And for lunch, they had a one margarita limit. 0.99

01:25:11.000 You could have two little ones.

01:25:12.000 They had little ones for a dollar, like little champagne wedding things.

01:25:16.000 El Coyote does that?

01:25:17.000 They don't tell you what's in it.

01:25:18.000 They win all the margarita contests almost every year.

01:25:22.000 And they won't tell you what the secret ingredient is.

01:25:25.000 But every time I go there, if you just get the one on the rocks, I'll get two. 0.96

01:25:28.000 And I feel like I just fucking did ecstasy sometimes. 0.86

01:25:30.000 Yeah, we need to film this. 0.94

01:25:31.000 We need to film us going to El Coyote and having some margaritas.

01:25:34.000 Let's do that, boys.

01:25:35.000 You know what's crazy, though?

01:25:36.000 I'll drive.

01:25:37.000 You know what the craziest thing?

01:25:38.000 I'll drive.

01:25:40.000 We're going to hire someone to drive.

01:25:41.000 Yeah, we'll get a little car.

01:25:42.000 One of the craziest things is that tequila...

01:25:44.000 Just kidding, I'm driving.

01:25:45.000 It depends on what mood you're in.

01:25:47.000 If you drink enough tequila, bro, it becomes something different.

01:25:50.000 Yes. 0.99

01:25:51.000 It becomes a different animal than vodka, or tequila's a kind of tricky motherfucker. 1.00

01:25:55.000 I don't know if you motherfuckers ever ate the worm. 1.00

01:25:57.000 I made a mistake once, and it was soft and ate a worm. 1.00

01:26:01.000 Tequila makes me, I think, yeah, there's a difference between tequila drunk, it sounds ridiculous.

01:26:06.000 Yes, it does, but it's true.

01:26:08.000 Tequila drunk and whiskey drunk. 0.99

01:26:09.000 Whiskey drunk is more like fucking aggressive. 1.00

01:26:13.000 Tequila drunk is more like, we gotta find the vampires. 1.00

01:26:18.000 I'm angry.

01:26:19.000 I don't get angry on tequila, man, but Jack Daniels is questionable.

01:26:24.000 I'm a happy drunk.

01:26:25.000 You've never seen me angry as a drunk.

01:26:28.000 I think a lot of that you go into, so if you think I'm an angry drunk.

01:26:33.000 Tequila's dangerous. 0.92

01:26:34.000 Some people I think it gives you a weird reaction.

01:26:37.000 I black out.

01:26:38.000 I'm not an angry drunk, though. 1.00

01:26:40.000 And I don't believe in that shit entirely. 0.99

01:26:42.000 I feel like if you're an angry person and you get drunk, then you become an angry drunk. 1.00

01:26:46.000 If you have some fucking unresolved issues, then you become an angry drunk. 0.99

01:26:51.000 I'm not even really saying angry. 1.00

01:26:52.000 I guess just crazy. 0.99

01:26:54.000 Like, tequila makes you fucking rob a car. 1.00

01:26:56.000 You're a silly drunk. 1.00

01:26:57.000 You become silly when you're drunk. 1.00

01:26:58.000 Because you're a silly person. 1.00

01:27:00.000 And for you, your inhibitions loosen up and you become more silly. 1.00

01:27:04.000 Like that podcast that we did with Bert. 1.00

01:27:06.000 You were fucking hammered. 0.99

01:27:07.000 And you were really funny. 1.00

01:27:08.000 And one of the reasons why you were really funny is because you were giggly and silly. 0.96

01:27:11.000 Because you went into lose your inhibitions mode. 1.00

01:27:14.000 Now, if that was tequila, I would have had sex with Bert. 0.99

01:27:19.000 Is there any booze that makes you guys crazy? 0.99

01:27:22.000 Like let's say I drink a beer and I did blow. 1.00

01:27:25.000 I would go home and just want to fuck. 1.00

01:27:27.000 But when you do tequila and do blow, you get all creepy and shit. 1.00

01:27:30.000 Really? 0.99

01:27:30.000 Like you want to put a cape on and you start looking at a chick thinking about... 0.99

01:27:34.000 Maybe she could do a somersault and land on my face. 1.00

01:27:37.000 You know, like, you just get kinky.

01:27:39.000 It's got spirits in it.

01:27:39.000 Tequila's got spirits in it.

01:27:40.000 Something. 0.99

01:27:40.000 I get fucking creepy on tequila, bro. 0.99

01:27:43.000 Really? 0.99

01:27:44.000 Well, it's made out of a plant, you know?

01:27:45.000 There's an essence of something in there.

01:27:47.000 Really?

01:27:48.000 Yeah, I get creepy.

01:27:49.000 I found it would blow you. 0.93

01:27:51.000 I'd blow to the thing. 0.96

01:27:52.000 Tequila gets, it becomes a difference. 1.00

01:27:54.000 It's such a fine dance, though, of having too much tequila where your dick don't work. 1.00

01:27:58.000 It's like this is fucking... 1.00

01:28:00.000 You gotta get just enough so that you're crazy, but you have enough food in you and you've taken your vitamins so your dick still works. 1.00

01:28:07.000 Because if you're, like, unhealthy and you get drunk off tequila, good luck with your dick. 1.00

01:28:11.000 Good luck. 1.00

01:28:12.000 You just put yourself in a great position.

01:28:15.000 You're ready for wild, crazy times.

01:28:17.000 Everyone's game. 1.00

01:28:18.000 Oh, but look at your dick. 1.00

01:28:19.000 Oh, so sad. 1.00

01:28:20.000 Have you ever had that dick from booze, guys? 1.00

01:28:22.000 Fuck yeah. 1.00

01:28:22.000 Just from booze. 1.00

01:28:23.000 Red bat.

01:28:24.000 From booze, you've had dead things.

01:28:25.000 You haven't? 1.00

01:28:26.000 No, but you throw that fucking powder in the old days. 1.00

01:28:29.000 Your dick not only goes dead, it shrinks into the nutsack. 1.00

01:28:33.000 That is amazing. 1.00

01:28:33.000 When you want to fuck, but there ain't nothing there. 1.00

01:28:36.000 There ain't nothing that's deep, deep, deep in the nutsack and they gotta keep sucking. 1.00

01:28:40.000 And I got a nice dick, but they gotta hold your dick like this. 1.00

01:28:44.000 It starts off like this, like they gotta hold it and fucking massage it. 1.00

01:28:47.000 The bottom of it. 0.99

01:28:48.000 Yeah, and then it gets bigger and bigger.

01:28:50.000 And then you think about doing a line, it goes back in the cocoon. 1.00

01:28:53.000 It's a fucking nightmare doing that shit. 1.00

01:28:56.000 You want to eat that, but then you're like, okay, I'll just eat your pussy. 1.00

01:28:59.000 Like you just fucking, all the thoughts I had in my mind, fuck it, I'll just eat your The most embarrassing ones that I've ever had was when I was drunk and I stuttered to fuck. 1.00

01:29:07.000 And then as I was fucking, the alcohol really kicked in and then I completely lost my boner. 1.00

01:29:12.000 So I lost it while I was already having sex. 0.96

01:29:15.000 So it's like, for the girl, it's like a terrible feeling.

01:29:19.000 I remember I just puked once. 1.00

01:29:20.000 For a dude to have a hard dick, put it inside you, and then you don't even keep him interested enough to keep the heart on. 1.00

01:29:27.000 And then it was just pathetic. 1.00

01:29:29.000 I just threw up. 0.85

01:29:30.000 Like, I was like, you're trying not to act like you were, and then I reached down by her, almost like you were going to whisper, and I turned my head and threw up, and tried to do it like a barf bag, where I kind of kept that contained in my back, and then she was like, did you just throw up on my comforter?

01:29:48.000 Yeah, you tried to. 0.99

01:29:49.000 You ever have a chick throw up, and you don't give a fuck, you're still going to get back. 1.00

01:29:53.000 Fuck that. 1.00

01:29:54.000 Look the other way. 1.00

01:29:55.000 I'm still going to give you a stabbing. 1.00

01:29:56.000 It starts getting sour and you don't give a fuck. 1.00

01:29:59.000 And that smell is on there and you're just trying to kiss her and you're like, oh, is that fucking celery? 1.00

01:30:04.000 And they even say to me, kiss me, I'll kiss you. 1.00

01:30:07.000 Fuck you. 1.00

01:30:08.000 Let me shoot this fucking load in that dead snatch and I'm getting my Get the alcoholic ass out of here and kiss you, you dirty fuck. 1.00

01:30:15.000 Because once you're horned up, you're horned up. 1.00

01:30:17.000 That's what happens when a fucking date rape. 1.00

01:30:19.000 Once you're horned up, and then this bitch doesn't drink a zebra. 1.00

01:30:21.000 Which we don't condone. 0.99

01:30:21.000 No, we don't condone it, but that's what happens. 0.99

01:30:23.000 That's the explanation of the date.

01:30:24.000 You just got to catch yourself.

01:30:26.000 The worst is when some chick pukes in your car, like on your speaker grill. 1.00

01:30:30.000 And you want to beat her. 1.00

01:30:30.000 Eat the fuck out of them instead of fuck them. 1.00

01:30:32.000 That's the worst. 1.00

01:30:33.000 Your car smells like puke for like a month.

01:30:35.000 Forever.

01:30:35.000 I was in my car with a toothpick picking out each little hole in my speaker grill, just pulling out red puke.

01:30:42.000 Yeah, well listen man, I had a girl puke in my car back in the fucking 80s and they didn't have good cleaners. 0.98

01:30:47.000 You couldn't clean the car out. 0.97

01:30:49.000 They didn't have all that good stuff back then. 0.99

01:30:51.000 You basically went and used that shitty ass vacuum that would always catch on the carpet and go... 0.99

01:30:57.000 Remember, we would catch on the carpet, and you had to pull that fucking carpet off? 1.00

01:31:01.000 I'd go to the car wash and try to do the entire car with 25 cents. 0.98

01:31:04.000 It was like the fastest I've ever moved in my entire life. 1.00

01:31:06.000 You'd have to go to one of those full-service car washes and get them to shampoo your shit, but you don't want to do that, because those monkeys, while they're shampooing your shit, they get fucking suds in your wiring, and then your fucking car shorts out. 0.99

01:31:18.000 I didn't want to do that. 1.00

01:31:19.000 I knew those dudes. 0.99

01:31:20.000 I worked at a car wash, so when I thought about getting my car washed, I'm like, I'm not I gotta bring it to these fucking guys. 0.98

01:31:25.000 They let me drive a Porsche, okay? 0.99

01:31:27.000 I didn't even know how to drive a stick. 1.00

01:31:29.000 I had zero stick knowledge, and I got in a fucking Porsche. 0.99

01:31:33.000 That's how the first car I ever drove stick was a Porsche at a car wash. 0.99

01:31:38.000 I didn't even know what I was doing.

01:31:40.000 Oh, you worked there?

01:31:41.000 Yeah, he told me.

01:31:42.000 I go, how do I drive it?

01:31:43.000 He goes, just push the clutch in, put it in gear, and then slowly let your foot off the gas.

01:31:48.000 So I come out of this car wash, this 16-year-old snot-faced kid driving a Porsche, you know, and the guy said, why did you drive it if you didn't know how to do it?

01:31:57.000 I'm like, why'd they let me drive it?

01:31:58.000 I didn't have anything to say to him.

01:31:59.000 I was like, I'm sorry.

01:32:00.000 They told me to drive it.

01:32:01.000 The guy told me I would know how to drive it.

01:32:03.000 Stick the thing in gear and it'd be no problem. 0.99

01:32:06.000 They didn't give a fuck. 0.99

01:32:07.000 I got busted last week washing my car on Cowenga and Burbank Boulevard. 0.99

01:32:13.000 Brian, there's a little car wash stand.

01:32:15.000 I usually go in there and just hit it. 1.00

01:32:16.000 But I had to fucking pee, dog. 1.00

01:32:19.000 I just had to pee. 0.99

01:32:20.000 So while I was washing the car, nobody was watching.

01:32:22.000 You know me, bro.

01:32:22.000 I'll pee at a phone booth.

01:32:24.000 If I got to really pee, I'll pull over and make believe.

01:32:26.000 Now, nobody has phone booths no more. 0.99

01:32:28.000 But in the old days, I make believe I'm on the phone taking my dick out. 0.99

01:32:31.000 Even if traffic is driving by, they don't think you're pissing. 1.00

01:32:33.000 I'm pissing on the fucking thing. 0.99

01:32:35.000 You just can't do it in the winter because steam comes out. 1.00

01:32:37.000 They'll bust you in the fucking winter. 0.99

01:32:39.000 So the other day, I'm washing my car and it's 9.15 in the morning. 1.00

01:32:42.000 I got to pee bad. 1.00

01:32:42.000 And I said, fuck, I'm going to take my dick out right here. 1.00

01:32:44.000 And I took my dick out. 1.00

01:32:45.000 I'm holding. 1.00

01:32:46.000 I'm washing the car. 0.99

01:32:47.000 And I just went into this fucking thought. 0.98

01:32:49.000 And next thing you know, I look over and the owner of the thing was right there. 0.99

01:32:53.000 He's like, are you fucking serious? 0.99

01:32:54.000 I go, dog, I had to fucking pee. 1.00

01:32:56.000 And it's going into a toilet. 1.00

01:32:57.000 He goes, do me a favor. 0.99

01:32:57.000 Put the hose down and get the fuck out of here. 0.99

01:33:00.000 He drew me the fuck out of here. 1.00

01:33:01.000 He goes, I'll call the fucking police. 1.00

01:33:03.000 I don't know what he's going to do. 1.00

01:33:04.000 I watched a guy.

01:33:05.000 I didn't say anything to him.

01:33:06.000 A guy who comes to my house.

01:33:07.000 And he's actually, it's called a poop butler.

01:33:10.000 Because I travel.

01:33:11.000 He picks up poop, basically.

01:33:13.000 From your dog?

01:33:14.000 From my two dogs.

01:33:15.000 Okay.

01:33:15.000 You've got to clarify that.

01:33:16.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:33:17.000 Picks up my poop. 0.99

01:33:19.000 It's a service.

01:33:20.000 Are you serious?

01:33:21.000 No.

01:33:21.000 Yeah, it's a service.

01:33:22.000 It's the best thing that I could ever do. 0.99

01:33:23.000 Or I'd have five days of shit to pick up. 0.99

01:33:27.000 So he was peeing in a big gulp thing. 0.99

01:33:30.000 And I'm like, is that guy peeing?

01:33:31.000 And he's a little creepy because I think he's always staring in to try to see my wife walk around or something.

01:33:36.000 Who wouldn't?

01:33:37.000 But I look and I see him.

01:33:39.000 Now he's got a big gulp thing that he just pissed in front of my house.

01:33:41.000 So I'm watching him because he doesn't know I'm waiting for him to move so I can pull in.

01:33:45.000 I'm like, where's he going to throw that?

01:33:46.000 If he throws that into my bushes, I'm going to be pissed.

01:33:50.000 Walks to my neighbor's and just acts like he's, you know, takes the big gulp, throws his piss onto my neighbor's yard and then leaves.

01:33:58.000 Did he yelp about it?

01:33:59.000 So now I'm like, well, it's such a good service and there's no other competition.

01:34:03.000 So if I call and say, hey, tell them not to throw piss on my neighbor's yard, then what happens?

01:34:09.000 Then I got to pick up poop.

01:34:10.000 So it's a weird sacrifice.

01:34:12.000 Well, is this a company where this is the guy that owns the company or is this an employee of this company?

01:34:16.000 Hold on, hold on.

01:34:16.000 The pee thing is just one thing.

01:34:19.000 Looking at your wife, you just glossed over.

01:34:21.000 Yeah.

01:34:21.000 Why don't you tell us?

01:34:22.000 That says a little bit more.

01:34:23.000 What is the reason for that?

01:34:24.000 Well, because if you stare and he comes early in the morning, you can get a glimpse at 9am of maybe her popping up.

01:34:31.000 Why are you saying that?

01:34:33.000 Did he do that?

01:34:34.000 She gets that feeling that he is, but we've never actually caught.

01:34:38.000 She's like, I think he stares.

01:34:40.000 My wife doesn't sound like that when she talks. 1.00

01:34:42.000 Why does she think he stares?

01:34:43.000 No evidence?

01:34:43.000 Just a guess?

01:34:45.000 She'll think and then she'll see him walk by.

01:34:47.000 So she's like, was he just staring?

01:34:49.000 We don't know.

01:34:50.000 We should maybe just videotape it once to set up a camera.

01:34:53.000 Yeah.

01:34:53.000 And see if he hangs out.

01:34:54.000 Or if he pisses in my backyard.

01:34:56.000 Dude, my whole house has cameras.

01:34:57.000 I am alerted whenever somebody enters each one of my rooms on my iPhone.

01:35:01.000 I had somebody set it up. 1.00

01:35:03.000 Because you dated a thousand crazy bitches, bro. 1.00

01:35:04.000 You gotta fucking keep your shit locked out. 1.00

01:35:06.000 Black wizards attacking me. 1.00

01:35:07.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:35:08.000 Be careful. 0.86

01:35:10.000 Black wizards? 0.98

01:35:10.000 Yeah. 0.98

01:35:10.000 The guy robbed him. 0.98

01:35:11.000 He had a fake beard on, like a wizard.

01:35:14.000 And he had a hood on. 0.87

01:35:15.000 He looked like a black wizard. 0.68

01:35:17.000 He did. 1.00

01:35:18.000 He fucking made magic. 0.99

01:35:19.000 He made your money disappear. 0.99

01:35:20.000 I'm gonna have my flashback when I'm at JCPenney's and I see a black Santa Claus at the mall or something. 0.98

01:35:26.000 When was the last time you've ever seen a black Santa Claus at the mall, Brian?

01:35:29.000 I've seen black Santa Claus.

01:35:30.000 You've never seen black Santa Claus?

01:35:31.000 Never.

01:35:31.000 You ever seen a black Santa Claus?

01:35:33.000 I mean, I've seen one on TV. Oh, no.

01:35:35.000 In Ohio, there was Black Santa Claus. 0.99

01:35:37.000 There was a Northland Mall, which is mostly blacks. 0.88

01:35:40.000 I think that's why.

01:35:40.000 Oh.

01:35:41.000 That's kind of sucked for being a black kid. 0.99

01:35:43.000 I told you that when we went to Planet of the Apes in an all-black movie theater in Philly, I really started to think about what it must be like to have every fucking movie that they were previewing was all these white people. 0.99

01:35:54.000 White people, white people, white people. 0.99

01:35:55.000 White, white, white, white. 0.99

01:35:56.000 Everything's a white problem. 0.98

01:35:57.000 White movie. 0.99

01:35:57.000 White silliness. 0.99

01:35:58.000 I'm like, wow. 1.00

01:35:59.000 This is going to be fucking weird as shit, man. 0.99

01:36:02.000 The only superhero they got was Blade. 1.00

01:36:05.000 That was a fat motherfucker for a couple years. 1.00

01:36:07.000 It really was. 1.00

01:36:08.000 That movie's bad to the bone.

01:36:09.000 Every movie would be... 0.99

01:36:11.000 There's a lot of black comics who dress up like chicks. 1.00

01:36:15.000 Like, that's the one... 0.97

01:36:16.000 I don't get why that's so funny.

01:36:20.000 Yeah, you know, didn't Dave Chappelle talk about that?

01:36:23.000 Yeah, Dave Chappelle had like a, he was on like one of those shows, like Inside the Actor's Studio, where he was like, what is it that when a black man becomes really famous, they want to make him dress as a woman?

01:36:32.000 And they showed, then they showed all these pictures of Richard Pryor doing it, and all these different comics doing it, all throughout history, Martin Lawrence doing it, Jamie Foxx doing it, and like, wow, yeah, that is weird.

01:36:44.000 Why do all these, what is, what is that?

01:36:47.000 Why, why is it, like, Wasn't Flip Wilson like the first film? 0.96

01:36:51.000 What the fuck is that about? 0.95

01:36:53.000 I've never liked it, no matter what culture it is. 1.00

01:36:56.000 To me, it's gotta be the ultimate black man trying to be as What's the most unaggressive thing you could be? 0.89

01:37:11.000 Be a woman. 0.99

01:37:12.000 Dress up like a woman. 1.00

01:37:13.000 Oh girl, what you talking about? 1.00

01:37:14.000 That's not a guy trying to get some pussy. 1.00

01:37:16.000 It's the complete polar opposite of what white people are afraid of in a black guy. 1.00

01:37:20.000 What white people are afraid of in a black guy is a fucking big A muscular black man with a giant black dick. 1.00

01:37:27.000 Some big football player, NFL stud athlete that wants to fuck your woman. 1.00

01:37:32.000 So what is the polar opposite of that? 1.00

01:37:34.000 Well, it's a black man being all silly in a dress, dressing like a woman. 1.00

01:37:37.000 Well, he's not even trying to get any pussy. 1.00

01:37:39.000 Look at him. 1.00

01:37:40.000 He's got lipstick on and makeup and shit. 1.00

01:37:42.000 He makes me relax. 0.99

01:37:44.000 You know, he's like, what'd you say, girl?

01:37:46.000 Oh, you get out of here with that. 0.97

01:37:48.000 That's not a black guy trying to get laid at all. 0.97

01:37:50.000 That's pretty good. 0.97

01:37:50.000 I think that's what it is. 0.97

01:37:52.000 I think that's what it is.

01:37:53.000 I'm excited. 1.00

01:37:53.000 I think it's white people afraid of black dicks. 1.00

01:37:56.000 So it forces these black people to try to... 1.00

01:37:58.000 I can't watch porn. 1.00

01:37:58.000 Free of a black planet, bitches! 1.00

01:38:00.000 That's right. 1.00

01:38:02.000 I can't watch porn if it's a black dick. 1.00

01:38:03.000 Really? 1.00

01:38:04.000 Why?

01:38:05.000 I just can't.

01:38:06.000 What's wrong with you? 1.00

01:38:06.000 Because he doesn't have a black dick and it's hard to fantasize. 1.00

01:38:08.000 Somebody said I can't get into the fantasy. 1.00

01:38:09.000 It's nothing about me being racist. 1.00

01:38:11.000 I think it's gay if you watch a black guy fuck a white chick if you're a white guy. 1.00

01:38:15.000 Why? 1.00

01:38:16.000 Because now you can't even pretend that's you. 1.00

01:38:19.000 See, if you're a white guy, you could pretend that's your dick. 1.00

01:38:21.000 You could beat off and watch a girl give head and pretend that she's giving you head. 1.00

01:38:26.000 I can't pretend shit, man. 1.00

01:38:27.000 I know I'm looking at a laptop. 1.00

01:38:29.000 What I like to see, though, is a fucking black chick really pounding a little white chick. 1.00

01:38:35.000 I think that's awesome. 1.00

01:38:36.000 You like that?

01:38:36.000 Because you know it's not fake.

01:38:37.000 Because secretly, that's what you want.

01:38:39.000 No, no, because you know it's not fake.

01:38:40.000 You want that power.

01:38:41.000 You want that dominance. 1.00

01:38:42.000 You want him to fuck you. 1.00

01:38:43.000 No, you just want to see real fucking, hard fucking. 1.00

01:38:45.000 You don't want to see him making love. 1.00

01:38:46.000 Okay, Brian.

01:38:47.000 I was just trying to make a joke, dude. 1.00

01:38:50.000 I don't really believe that there's something gay about watching black dicks. 1.00

01:38:53.000 I was trying to go on a little comedy rant there, fella. 1.00

01:38:56.000 But if you want to go on with your little freak shit and talk about how you want, like, watching a girl get fucked in a way that you're not capable of, and that's what really turns you on. 1.00

01:39:03.000 You go for it, buddy. 1.00

01:39:04.000 You like blowjob videos. 0.99

01:39:05.000 I do like blowjob videos. 1.00

01:39:06.000 What the fuck is that about? 1.00

01:39:07.000 I like getting ahead. 1.00

01:39:08.000 I like getting my dick sucked. 1.00

01:39:09.000 You like the whole thing of looking good. 1.00

01:39:11.000 Some girls are good at sucking dicks, and it's awesome. 1.00

01:39:14.000 I like to see a woman snatch for a little while, but I really like the art of seeing a chick suck a dick. 1.00

01:39:20.000 I'm going to be honest with you guys. 1.00

01:39:21.000 Brian, why is that shocking to you? 0.99

01:39:22.000 Because that's 50% cock. 0.99

01:39:24.000 Let me explain something to you. 1.00

01:39:26.000 Yeah, you print a ten, it's your dick. 1.00

01:39:27.000 That's why you don't want to watch black ones. 1.00

01:39:28.000 I was in county jail. 0.99

01:39:30.000 And I've never looked at a black cock, nor do I want to see one. 1.00

01:39:33.000 When I popped on that King Kardashian tape, and I seen little RJ's fucking dick, and it didn't stop, I turned that motherfucker off. 1.00

01:39:41.000 You understand me? 1.00

01:39:41.000 And I remember telling my buddy, I'm not fucking, he was like, you're prejudiced. 1.00

01:39:44.000 I ain't prejudiced at black dick. 1.00

01:39:45.000 I'm just prejudiced at dick. 1.00

01:39:46.000 That black one was like fucking Jaws. 1.00

01:39:48.000 It didn't stop. 1.00

01:39:49.000 It didn't fucking stop. 0.98

01:39:51.000 It even had the Jaws music. 1.00

01:39:53.000 Dun, dun, dun.

01:39:54.000 That was the worst thing I ever seen in my life.

01:39:56.000 I looked at that tape to see how hot she was, and I hit it off from the fear. 1.00

01:40:01.000 Like, I had fucking fear in my... 1.00

01:40:03.000 His dick is that big? 1.00

01:40:03.000 It was his dick, her ass, her snatch. 1.00

01:40:05.000 It was awesome. 1.00

01:40:06.000 She got fucked hard. 1.00

01:40:07.000 She got fucked. 1.00

01:40:08.000 It was awesome. 1.00

01:40:08.000 I only watch it, but when she goes, I want to come again, and she's sweating, I'm like, this is a fucking pig. 1.00

01:40:13.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:40:14.000 This chick is a fucking animal. 1.00

01:40:15.000 Isn't it amazing how far she's come with that? 1.00

01:40:17.000 We don't give a fuck. 1.00

01:40:19.000 Because she got fucked really hard. 1.00

01:40:21.000 People loved it. 1.00

01:40:21.000 You got fucked on the way. 1.00

01:40:23.000 It has to be accidental. 1.00

01:40:25.000 You can't put it out yourself. 0.99

01:40:27.000 You can't make a video and go, here's me fucking. 0.99

01:40:29.000 Because no porn star has ever reached the status of Kim Kardashian. 0.98

01:40:33.000 What she's done is accidentally have it and put it out.

01:40:36.000 And that's why she's got it.

01:40:39.000 But that's how she got that.

01:40:42.000 She got in her back door.

01:40:44.000 She did something amazing, guys.

01:40:45.000 What?

01:40:46.000 She did something amazing. 1.00

01:40:47.000 See, when we pay for porn, we pay to see a black guy fuck a white chick or a white chick fuck a black guy. 1.00

01:40:54.000 She fucked that motherfucker out of clear love or whatever the fuck it was. 1.00

01:40:59.000 Oh, please. 1.00

01:40:59.000 They did that on purpose. 1.00

01:41:01.000 I understand. 1.00

01:41:02.000 But she fucked his brains out. 1.00

01:41:04.000 It wasn't like porn. 1.00

01:41:05.000 That's why it shocked me. 0.99

01:41:06.000 Well, they were really fucking, right? 0.98

01:41:07.000 They were boyfriend and girlfriend. 0.99

01:41:08.000 It was like, you know, when you do porn, you show up at one or whatever.

01:41:12.000 This gave us something different.

01:41:14.000 And dog, whatever they gave us, I tell Joe, you know, we wake up in the morning, we're like, where are we doing the set tonight? 1.00

01:41:19.000 That bitch wakes up and says... 1.00

01:41:21.000 How am I going to be the number one trending topic on Yahoo and Google? 1.00

01:41:27.000 And if you look at Google and Yahoo, she's number one three days a fucking week. 1.00

01:41:31.000 I don't know what the fuck she does, but she's a genius. 1.00

01:41:36.000 She's a genius attention whore. 1.00

01:41:38.000 Yeah, what she is is the Michael Jordan of attention whores. 1.00

01:41:40.000 And now she's dating a super tall guy with probably the biggest dick ever. 1.00

01:41:44.000 Oh, and he's worthless. 1.00

01:41:45.000 And that sex tape's gonna come out. 1.00

01:41:46.000 She's gonna eat that fucking monster alive. 1.00

01:41:48.000 They just told her the other day that she was married before. 1.00

01:41:51.000 He's like, really? 1.00

01:41:52.000 That fucking Momo thinks he's the first one that fucked her. 1.00

01:41:55.000 You don't know that she's been swallowing dick up in fucking calabazas when she was 15. Well, he's probably just excited to be with someone famous. 1.00

01:42:01.000 You know, that brings him into the public eye.

01:42:03.000 He's a little boss.

01:42:04.000 Now, what does he do?

01:42:04.000 He plays basketball or football?

01:42:06.000 He looks like he plays basketball. 1.00

01:42:08.000 He's fucking huge and his dick must just curl up in her butt like a snail or something. 1.00

01:42:13.000 You know, they let that Max Hardcore guy out of jail. 1.00

01:42:18.000 Speaking of levels of shit, if you don't know who he is, he's a guy who got arrested in Florida because Florida has some crazy laws where if you ship things to their country, they have very strict ideas of what's offensive and what's the word? 0.99

01:42:34.000 Obscenity. 0.99

01:42:35.000 And this is what the guy was arrested for.

01:42:37.000 Because the porn was obscene. 1.00

01:42:38.000 He's got some hardcore shit where he pisses in girls' assholes, holds their asshole open, sticks a straw in it, and makes them drink the piss out of their asshole. 1.00

01:42:49.000 Classic. 1.00

01:42:49.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:42:50.000 I mean, he goes deep. 1.00

01:42:52.000 That's like your boy, that fucking guinea pig. 1.00

01:42:54.000 Mimi Montanucci. 1.00

01:42:55.000 Who? 0.97

01:42:56.000 What's that crazy porn guy that my buddy sent me a link of? 0.97

01:42:58.000 I thought it was a joke. 1.00

01:43:00.000 Who's the Italian guy that fucks bitches? 1.00

01:43:02.000 Oh, Rocco Sofretti. 1.00

01:43:04.000 That's my motherfucker. 0.99

01:43:06.000 Everybody talks about Capone and Gotti. 1.00

01:43:08.000 Fuck that shit. 1.00

01:43:10.000 Rocco Semenuti puts his cock in your ass. 1.00

01:43:13.000 He fucking fucks him in the ass and makes him fucking suck his dick while they're eating a slice of pizza. 1.00

01:43:18.000 That's a gangster right there. 1.00

01:43:19.000 He's one of the first, too. 0.98

01:43:20.000 He's one of the first ass-to-mouth guys. 0.97

01:43:21.000 Oh, yeah. 0.99

01:43:22.000 They're fucking like from the 70s. 0.98

01:43:23.000 He's got sideburns in one video I've seen. 1.00

01:43:26.000 That said, there's something gay about being into a male porn star. 0.99

01:43:30.000 Like, what do you got? 0.99

01:43:31.000 What's the recent Rocco Sofretti? 0.99

01:43:32.000 I like the way that guy fucks. 1.00

01:43:34.000 There's something real weird about being a fan of a dude. 0.99

01:43:37.000 I've given myself an actual break.

01:43:40.000 I've deporned, trying to deporn my life a little bit.

01:43:42.000 Really?

01:43:43.000 You're trying to cut it back?

01:43:44.000 Only because, as a comic, you go back and you watch it. 0.99

01:43:48.000 My brain now, I watch 30 seconds, and then at that damn search, I go, I wonder if there's Asian girls with black socks who work at Starbucks. 1.00

01:43:55.000 Click, click, bam! 0.99

01:43:56.000 Oh, look at that.

01:43:57.000 Oh, I wonder if they...

01:43:58.000 And then you just find yourself...

01:43:59.000 How many did I watch?

01:44:00.000 I watch at maybe 10, 15 second increments, and then my brain moves on to the next thing, so I'm done. 0.99

01:44:06.000 You're a porn ADD. I'm done for a little bit. 0.97

01:44:08.000 For a little bit.

01:44:09.000 And people write comments about porn.

01:44:11.000 Have you ever been spanked or any of that?

01:44:14.000 People write comments about porn?

01:44:16.000 What are you talking about?

01:44:17.000 On the porn site now, it'll have comments about the porn.

01:44:20.000 And I just get pissed at the people going... 1.00

01:44:22.000 Oh, I would fuck her way better than this guy. 1.00

01:44:25.000 Her face is a bit... 1.00

01:44:26.000 Just be happier watching porn. 0.99

01:44:28.000 Like, people are so desensitized now.

01:44:30.000 That actually makes you upset?

01:44:32.000 Yeah, I get mad at the kids.

01:44:33.000 I'm not a big porn guy like you guys.

01:44:35.000 I'm not a big porn at all.

01:44:37.000 The only side I've been on is the one my buddy linked me to for the Kim Kardashian, because I looked on my own and couldn't find it.

01:44:42.000 They kept on their credit card, and I would tell Brian, and Brian's like, I got freedom.

01:44:45.000 I don't know nothing about the computer.

01:44:46.000 And I've been on YouPorn. 0.99

01:44:48.000 And I YouPorn, you know, I've told it a thousand times, the chicks are filthy. 1.00

01:44:51.000 But I hate YouPorn. 1.00

01:44:52.000 You know, they have dirty feet and they suck dick and all that dumb shit. 1.00

01:44:56.000 But I tell you what the fuck pisses me off by YouPorn, that they lie to you. 1.00

01:44:59.000 They're like hot Asian chicks and it's a fucking Mexican. 1.00

01:45:01.000 Don't get your nationality straight. 1.00

01:45:03.000 That fucking pisses me off. 1.00

01:45:04.000 Don't fuck around with YouPorn. 1.00

01:45:05.000 I'm in the mood to see a nice little chinky woo show that little fucking hairy monkey. 1.00

01:45:08.000 And they show a Mexican from fucking El Centro. 1.00

01:45:12.000 Fuck yeah! 1.00

01:45:12.000 I know my nationalities, bitch! 1.00

01:45:14.000 No, the Thai ones are brown. 1.00

01:45:16.000 They got those brown little nipples. 1.00

01:45:17.000 Indian, maybe Indian. 1.00

01:45:18.000 Nah, you can see their fucking pussies are fucking real dark. 1.00

01:45:21.000 Like, those Asians. 1.00

01:45:22.000 Meaty, right?

01:45:22.000 They have like the edge of roast beef.

01:45:24.000 Like, it's really dark.

01:45:25.000 They could be yellow.

01:45:26.000 Like, their skin is like a beige. 1.00

01:45:28.000 But their fucking noodles and their nipples are fucking brown. 1.00

01:45:30.000 That doesn't bother you. 1.00

01:45:31.000 A dark pussy doesn't bother you, does it? 1.00

01:45:33.000 No, I like that Asian pussy. 1.00

01:45:34.000 You scratch, it's got that little light soy sauce smell. 1.00

01:45:36.000 The soy that comes in the green container, not the red one, less sodium, you know what I'm saying?

01:45:41.000 There was a chick at her. 1.00

01:45:42.000 The thing I did a couple weeks ago was, shoot, guys, this Asian was so fucking hot. 1.00

01:45:47.000 But she had that soy sauce thing going. 1.00

01:45:51.000 She was real.

01:45:52.000 She was Chinese from San Francisco. 1.00

01:45:54.000 This bitch was banging. 1.00

01:45:55.000 And I could tell she was a dirty freak. 1.00

01:45:57.000 I just couldn't. 0.99

01:45:58.000 How could you tell?

01:45:58.000 I could just tell.

01:45:59.000 Just smell it.

01:46:00.000 Look at her eye contact.

01:46:01.000 You could just tell.

01:46:01.000 Yeah, you could just tell she was flirty.

01:46:03.000 You could just tell she sat one time and I could see her thong. 1.00

01:46:06.000 Once I see that thong, that's it. 0.99

01:46:07.000 I could tell they're filthy animals. 0.99

01:46:09.000 That's just a... 0.92

01:46:10.000 You could close them, but I got nothing to offer.

01:46:12.000 I got nothing. 0.99

01:46:13.000 She's 20 fucking 2. What am I going to give her? 1.00

01:46:15.000 Drama. 1.00

01:46:16.000 I can't deal with that shit. 1.00

01:46:17.000 You need big dick in big pockets. 1.00

01:46:20.000 She said, take my hand. 1.00

01:46:21.000 Take my hand.

01:46:21.000 You missed the earlier part of the show.

01:46:23.000 John Heffron stealing bitches out there, out in the wild. 0.99

01:46:26.000 I know. 1.00

01:46:27.000 Fuck. 1.00

01:46:27.000 So did you hear about the UFC? They just made Alistair Overeem versus Brock Lesnar December 30th at the MGM in Vegas. 1.00

01:46:35.000 And Brock was not going to show up. 0.99

01:46:36.000 Holy shit. 0.99

01:46:37.000 A five-round fight. 0.99

01:46:38.000 He's not going to show up?

01:46:39.000 What are you talking about? 0.99

01:46:40.000 You better not be talking shit about Brock. 0.99

01:46:41.000 He ain't showing up, guys. 0.97

01:46:42.000 Why do you say he's not showing up?

01:46:43.000 It's diverculosis.

01:46:44.000 It's making a comeback.

01:46:45.000 Diverticulitis.

01:46:46.000 He had surgery.

01:46:47.000 Apparently they think that he's cured 100%.

01:46:49.000 They fixed it because the area that he kept having a reoccurring diverticulitis area, they just cut that area out and they think he's 100%. 0.99

01:46:58.000 But they left the central nervous system in and it's still fucking reflecting the shots Kane gave him to the fucking head. 0.97

01:47:03.000 It still spreads those testicles out all over his body and that gives him the diverticulitis all over again. 0.99

01:47:09.000 Trust me. 0.97

01:47:10.000 Diverticulitis. 0.99

01:47:11.000 Whatever the fuck it is. 0.99

01:47:12.000 It doesn't matter. 1.00

01:47:13.000 Listen, man. 0.98

01:47:13.000 The guy's got balls. 0.98

01:47:15.000 Think about what he's done just to go from pro wrestling with no striking experience whatsoever, enter into mixed martial arts, right into the thick of the game. 0.99

01:47:24.000 First fucking fight in the UFC, he takes on Frank Mir, who's a former UFC heavyweight champion, gets knee-barred. 0.89

01:47:30.000 You know, second fight, I believe he took on Randy Couture, right? 0.99

01:47:33.000 Who is it?

01:47:33.000 No, Heath Herring.

01:47:34.000 Then he took on Randy Couture. 1.00

01:47:36.000 I mean, dude, Brock Lesnar's a bad motherfucker. 0.99

01:47:38.000 How can I? He might not be able to beat Cain Velasquez, but Brock Lesnar's a bad motherfucker. 1.00

01:47:43.000 No, he beat Heath Heich, whatever his name is. 0.98

01:47:45.000 Heath Herring.

01:47:46.000 Out of the business.

01:47:47.000 Well, that's not necessarily true.

01:47:49.000 No, but it's true.

01:47:49.000 Heath Herring had a lot of fights, man.

01:47:52.000 Yeah, but he never fought again.

01:47:52.000 Yeah, but he was at a crossroads in his own life.

01:47:55.000 Oh, no, I know.

01:47:55.000 I'm not saying nothing bad.

01:47:56.000 I'm just saying it.

01:47:57.000 We went to that fight. 0.99

01:47:58.000 We were right there when he punched him and he did the fucking somersault. 0.98

01:48:00.000 Yeah, but I just think it's a little disrespectful. 0.98

01:48:02.000 People say that before, that it retired Heath Herring.

01:48:05.000 Heath Herring retired Heath Herring.

01:48:06.000 No, we retired.

01:48:07.000 I talked to Heath Herring recently.

01:48:08.000 He's in fine shape.

01:48:10.000 Where is he?

01:48:10.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:48:10.000 I saw him in Vegas.

01:48:11.000 There's nothing wrong with him.

01:48:13.000 Like, you look in his eyes, he's 100% there.

01:48:15.000 He looks good.

01:48:16.000 He looks healthy.

01:48:16.000 You know, he's had some tough fights.

01:48:18.000 You know, he fought Cro Cop, and he fought Fedor, and he fought Noguera.

01:48:21.000 He's been around for a while.

01:48:22.000 Did he fight Fedor?

01:48:24.000 Did I just make that up?

01:48:25.000 No, I believe he fought Fedor.

01:48:27.000 Look it up.

01:48:28.000 I don't know.

01:48:28.000 I should have said that.

01:48:30.000 He just never fought again.

01:48:31.000 He started doing movies.

01:48:33.000 He did a bunch of other stuff.

01:48:35.000 It's hard, man. 0.92

01:48:36.000 For guys who aren't a name, it's fucking hard. 0.85

01:48:39.000 It's hard to make real money. 0.99

01:48:41.000 Because you've got to be putting asses in the seats. 0.82

01:48:43.000 So it's, you know, you gotta beat someone big. 0.89

01:48:45.000 And when it came to beating the big guys, he came real close with Noguera in his UFC fight. 0.99

01:48:50.000 He fucking head kicked him and dropped him. 0.96

01:48:52.000 Noguera looked done, and Heath Haring didn't finish him off. 1.00

01:48:55.000 He had a chance, but he didn't finish him off.

01:48:56.000 There's a reason for that, though. 0.99

01:48:57.000 Noguera's tough as fuck. 0.98

01:48:58.000 No, but he was hurt, Heath Haring, on that Oh, was he? 1.00

01:49:01.000 No, no, no.

01:49:01.000 The first fight in the UFC was against Jake O'Brien when he was hurt.

01:49:05.000 He had a knee problem.

01:49:08.000 He had a knee problem.

01:49:09.000 He knocked him down and he didn't attack. 0.99

01:49:11.000 Jake O'Brien out-wrestled him and he just had a really fucked up knee. 0.86

01:49:14.000 And he came up to me and talked to me about it afterwards because he was like, you know, hey, I listen to your commentary. 0.99

01:49:17.000 You're always very supportive, but what the fuck? 0.98

01:49:19.000 I was like, dude, you got to watch the fight. 0.99

01:49:21.000 I mean, he just took you down at will.

01:49:23.000 And he's like, my knee was torn.

01:49:24.000 I had to take the fight.

01:49:25.000 I needed the money. 0.97

01:49:26.000 Yeah, and he just decided to just fucking be a tough guy and fight anyway. 0.98

01:49:29.000 And he thought he could win. 0.97

01:49:30.000 He's like, I can catch this guy.

01:49:31.000 And he just couldn't.

01:49:32.000 Couldn't get it going, man. 0.99

01:49:33.000 Having a knee tear and then trying to fight a guy like Jake O'Brien, a fucking professional mixed martial arts fighter in the UFC. Shit. 1.00

01:49:41.000 Jake O'Brien! 1.00

01:49:42.000 I mean, our boy, your boy Matt Hughes against Josh Kaczek.

01:49:47.000 Is it signed?

01:49:48.000 It's on Wikipedia.

01:49:49.000 I don't know if it's signed yet.

01:49:49.000 It's on Wikipedia.

01:49:51.000 Well, I know that.

01:49:51.000 I'll find out.

01:49:53.000 I think they're waiting for Hughes.

01:49:54.000 Look, we're telling him.

01:49:55.000 But I think I saw a link that said they're waiting for everyone to go.

01:49:58.000 It's just like cool with everybody. 0.90

01:49:59.000 Well, that's a fucking creepy fight for Hughes because he's a totally different guy to train for. 0.83

01:50:04.000 Diego Sanchez is not nearly as dangerous on the feet as Koscheck is, at least theoretically. 1.00

01:50:08.000 Because Diego Sanchez will swarm a motherfucker. 0.99

01:50:11.000 He can be very dangerous on his feet. 0.99

01:50:13.000 But the idea was that Diego would not be able to out-wrestle Matt.

01:50:16.000 Matt's a big welterweight.

01:50:17.000 Diego's a fairly small welterweight.

01:50:19.000 And all of a sudden, Koschek steps in, who's a really fucking good wrestler, and is a big welterweight, and has been thinking about fighting at 185, and was actually campaigning to try to fight in the San Jose UFC in November.

01:50:31.000 So here you've got a guy who can fight at 185. Big.

01:50:35.000 You know, Diego can't fight at 185. I mean, he did.

01:50:38.000 He did on the Ultimate Fighter.

01:50:39.000 But I mean, competitively in the UFC, his physical frame, in my opinion, is too small.

01:50:43.000 He could do it, and he could beat a lot of guys just by hustling him and outworking him.

01:50:47.000 But his best weight is probably like 165. But Josh Koscheck can carry 185. He's a strong character.

01:50:53.000 He's got a good frame.

01:50:55.000 He's a tough dude. 1.00

01:50:56.000 He's a serious fucking wrestler. 1.00

01:50:58.000 And he's dangerous on his feet, man. 1.00

01:51:01.000 He's got big power in that right hand.

01:51:03.000 So it's a totally different fight from Matt Hughes.

01:51:06.000 On three weeks' notice.

01:51:07.000 What do you think the shelf life is getting smaller from a fighter?

01:51:13.000 Like where you have five, let's say from the time you start sprinting, i.e.

01:51:17.000 you get a big fight and then you're taking them along.

01:51:20.000 You think it's like getting smaller or will it eventually last longer?

01:51:24.000 What are you talking about?

01:51:24.000 The shelf life of...

01:51:26.000 Do you mean how many fights you can have?

01:51:28.000 Yeah, before...

01:51:28.000 Before you start to deteriorate?

01:51:30.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:51:30.000 Depends on your style, you know?

01:51:32.000 Some guys...

01:51:33.000 Some guys last one, the other guys go with that really good three-year run, and then physically something happens.

01:51:38.000 A guy like Machida, here's a perfect example.

01:51:39.000 A guy like Machida takes very little damage.

01:51:41.000 So a guy like Machida, he'll run for longer than a guy like Vanderlei, who's got this wild attacking style.

01:51:46.000 Right.

01:51:47.000 You know, and... 1.00

01:51:49.000 Maybe Vanderlei is a bad motherfucker. 0.99

01:51:51.000 Vanderlei has been stopped a few times now, but it's because of Vanderlei's style. 0.99

01:51:55.000 If Vanderlei played it safe, you saw in the Michael Bisping fight, he's still there.

01:52:00.000 Maybe his chin isn't as good as it was back in the day, but the truth is that back in the day, he got dropped a bunch of times too.

01:52:06.000 He would come in wild and reckless.

01:52:08.000 Dan Henderson dropped him.

01:52:09.000 A lot of people dropped him. 0.88

01:52:10.000 Before Dan Henderson knocked him out in their second fight, Dan Henderson dropped him and had him fucked up in their first fight. 0.94

01:52:15.000 He closed his eye. 1.00

01:52:16.000 His eye was like one big giant fucking baboon vagina. 1.00

01:52:20.000 It was bad, man. 1.00

01:52:21.000 So Vanderlei has always been in there with guys that put him in danger or dropped him or hurt him.

01:52:29.000 Mark Hunt dropped him.

01:52:30.000 But when he got in there against real good strikers, that's when he had real problems. 0.96

01:52:34.000 That's why Krokop fucked him up.

01:52:36.000 If you go back to watch that fight in Pride, man, he beat Krokop in their first fight, or maybe it was a draw, I think, because they had weird rules, like you could only go to the ground for like 30 seconds. 0.99

01:52:45.000 But Vandele took a lot of hard fucking kicks to the body. 1.00

01:52:49.000 That was when Krokop was in his prime. 0.99

01:52:51.000 Krokop didn't have a sprawl yet, though.

01:52:53.000 He wasn't confident enough with his takedown defense to have a full MMA fight.

01:52:57.000 But by the time they fought the second time, man, that was Cro-Cop in his prime.

01:53:01.000 That was the heavyweight Grand Prix. 0.99

01:53:03.000 And he fucking head-kicked Vanderlei into another universe, man. 0.99

01:53:06.000 That was when Cro-Cop was the best. 0.99

01:53:08.000 So Vanderlei, with that wild style, has always had a problem with guys like that.

01:53:12.000 You know, bro, I mean...

01:53:13.000 But he's awesome, though.

01:53:14.000 We're talking about fighters here, and you're as much of a fan of his even more than I am.

01:53:20.000 Vanderlei?

01:53:20.000 No.

01:53:21.000 Oh, fighting period.

01:53:22.000 Yeah, but I'm a huge Randalay fan.

01:53:24.000 And I'm talking about the longevity now is what you make it.

01:53:27.000 Look at the guy that Joe Rogan turned me on to that I met.

01:53:30.000 I had the honor of meeting him and talking to him.

01:53:32.000 And he just fought a fight. 0.99

01:53:34.000 Bernard Hopkins fought the best fight of his fucking life. 0.99

01:53:37.000 And he fought it, and it was custom to him. 0.99

01:53:40.000 I'm 46, bro.

01:53:42.000 I'm not going to get in there and bang with nobody. 1.00

01:53:44.000 I'm going to throw two punches and get the fuck out of there. 1.00

01:53:46.000 You know... 0.99

01:53:47.000 Well, actually, this fight was very different than the first fight.

01:53:50.000 This fight, he actually got in and mixed it up with this guy.

01:53:53.000 He took the kid out of his game.

01:53:54.000 These guys, you know, whatever they do, it's what they take care of.

01:53:57.000 How smart they are. 0.99

01:53:58.000 GSP is fucking genius. 0.99

01:54:00.000 He takes care of himself at all levels. 0.99

01:54:02.000 Well, you know what he is?

01:54:02.000 He's honest.

01:54:03.000 He's honest.

01:54:04.000 He's honest about what's at risk.

01:54:05.000 There's a lot of guys who aren't honest about what's at risk.

01:54:07.000 You know, that's one of the things why he says he won't fight a friend.

01:54:10.000 You know, he talked about it.

01:54:11.000 I could do this if I'm on top of them and I see an elbow, I cannot deliver it and give cerebral damage.

01:54:17.000 Right, right, right.

01:54:18.000 But he's right, man. 0.99

01:54:20.000 He knows what the fuck he's doing because he's had it done to him, man. 1.00

01:54:23.000 When Matt Serra mounted him and was dropping bombs on him, and Matt Serra can fucking punch. 0.99

01:54:29.000 Let me tell you something. 0.99

01:54:29.000 That little guinea's got bricks in his gloves. 0.99

01:54:31.000 He's got bricks in his gloves.

01:54:33.000 I've never seen anybody that Matt Serra didn't punch clean that didn't get put on Queer Street. 1.00

01:54:37.000 He hit fucking. 1.00

01:54:37.000 It's fucking hard. 1.00

01:54:38.000 So when he clipped George in that fight, you could tell George was like, oh shit. 1.00

01:54:43.000 He can tell his functioning drop. 0.99

01:54:47.000 He knows what it's like to get really clipped.

01:54:49.000 And he doesn't want that happening. 0.99

01:54:51.000 He's a very fucking smart dude. 0.97

01:54:54.000 He's completely honest and aware about the entire game. 0.98

01:54:57.000 That's one of the reasons why he's so good.

01:54:59.000 He'll tell you exactly how he feels.

01:55:00.000 I am nervous.

01:55:01.000 This is a very important fight for me. 0.99

01:55:03.000 This is a fucking champ. 0.98

01:55:04.000 One of the best pound for pound fighters in the world. 0.99

01:55:06.000 And he's nervous and he's talking about being nervous. 0.97

01:55:09.000 Then he gets in there and just fucking shines. 0.96

01:55:12.000 Gets in there and just lights you up. 0.97

01:55:14.000 Me and you both know and you and you that, bro, the day you stop getting nervous before you go on stage is the day you just go home.

01:55:21.000 I love getting fired up now. 0.99

01:55:23.000 The worst thing you do with George St. Pierre, man, is talk some shit to him. 1.00

01:55:26.000 Yes! 1.00

01:55:27.000 That BJ Penn fight, when BJ was talking all that shit, man, you could see the determination grow in George's eyes. 1.00

01:55:33.000 And George is a disciplined motherfucker. 0.99

01:55:36.000 And one of the things about guys that are truly, truly disciplined and really in amazing condition, like Nick Diaz as well, is that these guys know that they can push a pace that most people will drown under. 0.99

01:55:48.000 So they'll fucking force it because they know you might be talented, but maybe you didn't get up early enough. 0.61

01:55:54.000 Maybe you didn't sleep enough. 0.99

01:55:55.000 Maybe you didn't eat the right foods.

01:55:57.000 Maybe you didn't take the right vitamins. 0.95

01:55:59.000 Maybe you didn't fucking put in 100% and stack your training correctly and have a professional A physical trainer working with you, monitoring your heart. 0.97

01:56:06.000 Well, George does. 1.00

01:56:07.000 He knows he can run you out into the middle of the fucking ocean, bitch. 1.00

01:56:11.000 And that's what he did with BJ, man. 1.00

01:56:12.000 He just put him in a position where he forced him to work real hard from the beginning, tired his muscles out, and started taking him down and beating the fuck out of him. 0.87

01:56:20.000 And the way he did it was genius, man. 1.00

01:56:22.000 And the way he did it was fueled by that determination that was brought on by that shit-talking. 1.00

01:56:26.000 Hey dog, he did it to fucking Kaczek. 1.00

01:56:28.000 Kaczek had to wear a monocle for a fucking year. 1.00

01:56:31.000 And he might still walk in that ring with a fucking monocle. 1.00

01:56:34.000 He punched the fuck out of that eye. 1.00

01:56:36.000 He punched the fuck out of that eye. 1.00

01:56:38.000 Not 10 times, 30 times. 1.00

01:56:40.000 So even if I fucked it up, I'm going to keep punching it because I'm going to fuck it up again. 1.00

01:56:44.000 Every time you look in the mirror and blink, motherfucker, you're going to think of GSP. Quite as simple. 1.00

01:56:48.000 I went to this thing, the Professional Muay Thai League, MLP, or MPL. It was in Long Beach last weekend.

01:56:55.000 And I got to see really high-level kickboxing, like, live in person. 0.99

01:57:00.000 That's fucking rare, man. 0.95

01:57:01.000 It's rare that you get a card like this. 0.99

01:57:04.000 Buakau.

01:57:05.000 Buakau, the Thai guy, with 198... 0.98

01:57:10.000 He's not even 30!

01:57:13.000 198 victories!

01:57:14.000 Does he fight every other week?

01:57:15.000 In Thailand, man, they fight them young. 0.63

01:57:17.000 They fight them when they're little teenagers, 13, 14, 15. I think he's got less than 20 losses and 198 fucking victories. 0.99

01:57:26.000 And he lit this dude up. 0.99

01:57:28.000 Apparently this dude was from Canada, I believe. 0.99

01:57:30.000 And he was talking all kinds of shit and pushed him at the weigh-ins. 0.99

01:57:33.000 And the Thais were very respectful. 1.00

01:57:35.000 Like, they don't do that kind of shit. 0.99

01:57:36.000 Like, they have this dance they do called the Y Crew in the middle of the ring. 1.00

01:57:40.000 And they did all this, too.

01:57:41.000 They played the music, and these guys did their dance, and they went through their thing. 0.98

01:57:44.000 But when fucking Buakau did it, he was doing his dance to the guy. 0.98

01:57:49.000 Like, got, like, right in the guy's face because I pushed him at the weigh-ins. 0.99

01:57:52.000 It was badass, man.

01:57:54.000 It was like a movie fight.

01:57:56.000 Like, he got in the guy's face and was doing, like, pulling arrows and stomping on the ground and doing his little dance.

01:58:02.000 And the dude didn't know whether he should give ground, so the dude was, like, backed up in the corner while Buakau was standing in front of him doing this little dance.

01:58:08.000 And then the fight started.

01:58:09.000 And dude came out strong.

01:58:10.000 He came out trying to blast.

01:58:11.000 But Buakau, 198 fights.

01:58:13.000 He's so calm in there.

01:58:14.000 And he just started chopping with those kicks.

01:58:16.000 Whack! 1.00

01:58:18.000 You feel the fucking leg kick over, and we were in the front row, and you could just feel the... 1.00

01:58:25.000 Think of that fucking shit. 1.00

01:58:28.000 And you could slowly see his legs starting to give out. 1.00

01:58:30.000 And then he was going high with them and just beating his ass. 0.99

01:58:33.000 Flying knee'd him. 1.00

01:58:34.000 Front kicked him.

01:58:35.000 Finally, he front kicked him and knocked him down. 0.89

01:58:36.000 The referee said, that's enough.

01:58:38.000 That's enough.

01:58:38.000 The referee saved him.

01:58:40.000 Because let me tell you something.

01:58:41.000 He at Buka was just starting to break the guy down.

01:58:43.000 They were in like the fourth round.

01:58:45.000 And the guy was just starting to stumble and fall apart. 1.00

01:58:48.000 And he kept hitting those fucking legs. 1.00

01:58:50.000 Whack! 1.00

01:58:52.000 Whack! 1.00

01:58:53.000 It was crazy to watch live, man.

01:58:54.000 It's awesome.

01:58:55.000 And you see that level of stand-up, and it's like the difference between Kosciuk and Georges St-Pierre in that fight.

01:59:00.000 Kosciuk is a very good athlete.

01:59:03.000 He's got power in his punches. 1.00

01:59:05.000 If he hits you, you're really fucked. 0.99

01:59:06.000 But at least in competition, he has never shown to be a really technical striker. 0.99

01:59:13.000 You know, he's been caught by Paulo Tiago.

01:59:15.000 He's a very tough guy.

01:59:17.000 Don't get me wrong, but he's not like a guy like Buakau.

01:59:21.000 There's a certain level of striking where a guy gets to where they're always safe and they're just lighting you up.

01:59:27.000 They find your timing.

01:59:28.000 It's like what Anderson did to Yushin Okami.

01:59:30.000 He finds your timing and then he's safe, man.

01:59:32.000 You're in a fist fight and he's not.

01:59:34.000 How about that? 1.00

01:59:34.000 How about you're just a fucking target and he's standing right in front of you. 1.00

01:59:37.000 Bang! 1.00

01:59:38.000 Bang! 1.00

01:59:38.000 Just firing off on you. 1.00

01:59:40.000 And when you see that happen, man, when you see a guy figure out another guy's timing like that, man, that's wild shit to see. 0.98

01:59:47.000 And there's guys that can do that to George. 0.95

01:59:49.000 There's guys, strikers, that could do that to George in a straight kickboxing match.

01:59:54.000 But just can they do it when they're fighting off that takedown?

01:59:56.000 No, they can't.

01:59:58.000 They get scared of that takedown, and then they can't pull the trigger.

02:00:00.000 And that's what happens. 0.99

02:00:02.000 Because George hits you with that power double that comes straight from fucking Mars. 0.99

02:00:07.000 He pushes off that ground and covers distance in a way you can't believe this guy can move that fast. 0.99

02:00:12.000 For a white dude? 0.98

02:00:13.000 How is this dude moving so fucking fast? 0.99

02:00:15.000 He'd be a good DB, wouldn't he? 0.98

02:00:17.000 How fucking good of a DB would GSP be? 0.97

02:00:20.000 Just let him move back there. 0.99

02:00:22.000 Just let him move.

02:00:22.000 Just, bro, just stay back there.

02:00:24.000 Do your little gymnastics in your mind. 1.00

02:00:26.000 As soon as that ball gets released, I want you to run it and tackle that motherfucker like you take. 1.00

02:00:31.000 A guy like JSP, you could probably have him do that and he'd be awesome at it. 1.00

02:00:35.000 Leave him back there. 0.94

02:00:36.000 No coverage, no coverage.

02:00:38.000 Just leave him back there, bro.

02:00:39.000 For now, for today. 0.99

02:00:40.000 We'll get up to cover people next year and watch what he fucking does then with his footwork. 0.84

02:00:44.000 You ever see him jump those hurdles? 0.98

02:00:45.000 I was watching him on Google this morning doing gymnastics.

02:00:48.000 I'm tempted to go to the place on Vermont and join up for the month and walk on my hands and knees like a Momo. 1.00

02:00:53.000 That's how good that gymnastics shit is for you. 1.00

02:00:56.000 And he's taking it. 1.00

02:00:57.000 He's so smart, dude.

02:00:58.000 George is so open-minded.

02:01:00.000 He'll try ballet.

02:01:02.000 If someone tells him ballet will make him a better fighter, I'm here to do ballet. 0.99

02:01:05.000 He'll fucking step in there. 0.99

02:01:07.000 I'm not impressed with your ballet. 1.00

02:01:09.000 He doesn't give a fuck, man. 1.00

02:01:12.000 He will fucking do it, man. 1.00

02:01:13.000 He's got an open mind. 1.00

02:01:15.000 He actually asked me to teach him some shit. 0.99

02:01:17.000 To go to the commentator of the UFC and say, you know, show me how to do it. 0.99

02:01:21.000 Most people would just go, what? 1.00

02:01:22.000 What the fuck? 1.00

02:01:23.000 You're the talker guy. 1.00

02:01:24.000 You do the talking.

02:01:25.000 But when I taught him how to throw the spinning back kick correctly when we were training, dude's completely open-minded.

02:01:31.000 Has no ego.

02:01:32.000 Just wants to learn.

02:01:33.000 Just on our level, when you talk to other comics, you always have a new guy go, do you have any advice?

02:01:38.000 And you start to tell him, you go, oh yeah, no, no, I don't do that.

02:01:42.000 And you go, really?

02:01:44.000 Really?

02:01:45.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:01:45.000 You got it all figured out.

02:01:46.000 I'll listen to anybody, man.

02:01:48.000 Louis C.K. came up to me once after one of my sets and gave me all these notes that he wrote down while I was on set.

02:01:52.000 I'm like, this is the fucking coolest thing ever. 0.67

02:01:54.000 I had a King Kong bid. 0.99

02:01:55.000 He was like, what if King Kong had a wife, a cunty wife? 1.00

02:01:57.000 And he's like... 0.76

02:01:58.000 Give me ideas.

02:01:59.000 I was just thinking this while you were up there. 1.00

02:02:00.000 Like, fuck yeah, man. 0.99

02:02:01.000 Give me advice. 1.00

02:02:02.000 You accept tags.

02:02:04.000 I've seen you all the time.

02:02:05.000 All the time.

02:02:05.000 People come up to you and say, hey, John, I love that bit.

02:02:08.000 Have you ever thought about this?

02:02:08.000 And you're like, oh, yeah.

02:02:10.000 It's funny how many guys don't, though.

02:02:11.000 I mean, I'll even take...

02:02:12.000 I had some guy once and go, you talk too fast during this particular thing.

02:02:16.000 Just slow down.

02:02:17.000 And people in the very next show, slowed down, got laughs. 0.99

02:02:20.000 You're like, oh, shit, I didn't even see it from that point of view. 0.98

02:02:23.000 Dude, laughs, taglines are a gift. 0.99

02:02:25.000 You know, when a friend gives you a tagline, like here's a tagline that Kevin James wrote for me.

02:02:31.000 You know why I was doing that Anna Nicole Smith bit?

02:02:34.000 We're like, it's time.

02:02:35.000 Kevin James wrote, for a rim job.

02:02:38.000 Kevin James wrote that. 1.00

02:02:40.000 Because I was already like, lick that ass. 1.00

02:02:41.000 You don't get that. 1.00

02:02:42.000 I always had this bit about him dying.

02:02:45.000 About Anna Nicole Smith's husband forcing her.

02:02:47.000 And Kevin and I were just riffing on it.

02:02:49.000 And Kevin came up with, it's time for a rim job.

02:02:51.000 And that became one of the big punchlines in there.

02:02:53.000 And I would say it.

02:02:54.000 And it was cool because I would say it on stage.

02:02:56.000 I would think of him.

02:02:57.000 Like, oh, my friend hooked me up with a good, solid laugh in here.

02:03:00.000 Because a lot of times you do this, not the same bit, but you're just so close to it that you don't see it from that little...

02:03:05.000 It's a little bit of an angle or something.

02:03:07.000 If we were both going to write a joke about anything, if we were both going to write a joke about coffee, you would come from one place and I would come from another.

02:03:15.000 Even though we're both comics and we both would see some obvious points.

02:03:21.000 There was a joke that I did that I found out that Ellen DeGeneres had done a joke just like it years before.

02:03:26.000 And I had never seen Ellen do it, but the premise is really obvious.

02:03:29.000 And the premise is about penguins being monogamous.

02:03:32.000 And the premise is, well, they both look the same.

02:03:34.000 They all look the same.

02:03:35.000 What's the big deal about them being monogamous?

02:03:38.000 That's something that anybody would see if you were looking for the point.

02:03:41.000 You're looking for comedy in an obvious sort of a situation, like penguins being monogamous.

02:03:47.000 Right.

02:03:48.000 You would probably come up with the exact same thing.

02:03:50.000 If I said, write a bit about penguins being monogamous, you would probably be like, well, what's the big deal?

02:03:54.000 They look exactly the same.

02:03:55.000 You would instantly go to it.

02:03:57.000 90% of comedians would instantly go to that.

02:04:00.000 But it's like, your take from there on, once you get that, then it's going to be like, some people go like, Duncan would get real weird with it. 0.82

02:04:07.000 He would find some fucking weird spiritual angle.

02:04:10.000 Well, they say in the Bhagavad Gita, and he would come out and you would have a different angle. 0.99

02:04:15.000 You would have a different angle.

02:04:17.000 When somebody gives you a tag, it feels like somebody sometimes just gave you a $500 bill.

02:04:22.000 Sometimes you have the same, like, thank you!

02:04:25.000 You couldn't have wrapped a gift or bought something on Amazon that would do the same feeling.

02:04:30.000 I had a friend, Brian Frazier, who at the time, he needed some money and I was making a lot of money and he had a heckler line. 0.97

02:04:39.000 And I'm like, dude, that's the greatest fucking heckler line ever. 0.98

02:04:41.000 He goes, I'll sell it to you! 0.99

02:04:42.000 So he sold it to me for 500 bucks.

02:04:44.000 This is the heckler line, because I never used it.

02:04:47.000 Because it felt weird.

02:04:48.000 But this is the heckler line that he said.

02:04:49.000 He's like, this is what happened when God made you. 1.00

02:04:52.000 Oh, and just a dash of cunt. 1.00

02:04:53.000 Oh, no! 1.00

02:04:54.000 The cop fell off! 1.00

02:04:56.000 The top fell off the cunt! 1.00

02:04:58.000 Too much cunt! 1.00

02:04:59.000 Shit! 1.00

02:05:00.000 It's a great line. 1.00

02:05:01.000 This past week, I was trying to think of situations back in the day when guys were preparing for battle, but their wives were still in their brain.

02:05:10.000 Because I was trying to go, ladies, every once in a while, your guy gets a look on his face.

02:05:13.000 Just leave him alone.

02:05:14.000 And I act like I was a guy sharpening my sword and did the hand thing like the wife was right in there. 0.98

02:05:20.000 I had a comic go, you should have her bitch about, really? 1.00

02:05:22.000 You're going to leave your shield right on the table? 0.97

02:05:25.000 It's like, bah, that's so funny!

02:05:27.000 And then the very next show did it.

02:05:28.000 But it adds a whole different spin to your act when you get that little fun...

02:05:32.000 Right, right, right.

02:05:32.000 Oh, thanks for the layup.

02:05:33.000 That was awesome.

02:05:34.000 Yeah, yeah, thanks for the insist.

02:05:35.000 And then sometimes that turns it into a bigger bit that turns it into something you weren't even thinking about.

02:05:39.000 But it's really funny how...

02:05:41.000 Some comics will take a tag.

02:05:43.000 I'll take a tag from somebody I definitely trust. 1.00

02:05:45.000 Somebody gave me a tag once and it was fucking stolen and I ended up spinning in the guy's fucking face. 0.98

02:05:50.000 I like when a comic comes up and gives me a different angle. 0.99

02:05:58.000 Years ago I remember watching Chris Rock, the one special, and it was pretty funny.

02:06:02.000 And then he had the second one and I remember seeing him at the store on a Monday and he had Jenny and DiPaolo with him. 0.99

02:06:08.000 I didn't know what the fuck they were doing. 0.97

02:06:10.000 They were just talking. 0.99

02:06:11.000 And the next night I was at the improv, and there he is with Louis C.K. and DiPaolo.

02:06:15.000 And what he was doing was, you know, he would get his advance from HBO and give everybody a taste, and go during the week, I want Jenny, DiPaolo, and you.

02:06:24.000 You guys each come up with 15. I'll do 15. We gotta party.

02:06:28.000 Right.

02:06:28.000 You know, I'm getting 200 grand.

02:06:29.000 I give everybody 50. I keep 50 for an advance.

02:06:32.000 I got a fucking party and I get the best of what they had. 0.98

02:06:34.000 And different perspectives and different styles of doing the punchline. 0.99

02:06:38.000 And you could see the difference in the specials.

02:06:40.000 You could see the difference in the specials.

02:06:42.000 There's early specials and the ones later on.

02:06:44.000 You could see the Apollo.

02:06:46.000 You could see the precision of Richard Jennings.

02:06:48.000 You could see the wackiness of Louis C.K. Let me tell you something.

02:06:52.000 Not a lot of fucking comics could do that because of their ego. 0.99

02:06:55.000 A lot of comics couldn't do that. 0.99

02:06:57.000 A lot of comics couldn't see that.

02:06:57.000 Well, there's also comics that want their stand-up, though, to be from their own mind entirely.

02:07:02.000 Like Louis.

02:07:02.000 Like Louis C.K. No, no.

02:07:04.000 I could see doing that way, man.

02:07:06.000 Look, if you have to do an hour, there's nothing wrong with hiring a bunch of people for writers and coming up with some good material.

02:07:11.000 I mean, there's nothing wrong with that.

02:07:12.000 As long as it fits your sensibilities.

02:07:14.000 Like-minded, yeah.

02:07:15.000 I never think about Chris Rock and go, oh, Chris Rock's not really that good because he had guys writing for him.

02:07:20.000 Which is ridiculous because he's one of the greatest of all time.

02:07:23.000 Unquestionably.

02:07:24.000 Unquestionably one of the greatest of all time.

02:07:25.000 And the stronger voice you have, the more you can have other people write.

02:07:28.000 I mean, look at any of the blue-collar guys.

02:07:31.000 There's teams of guys that kind of fill those mouths.

02:07:36.000 My point is that you can take credit for your own work, but to think that somehow or another your work is better because you've come up with it completely on your own as opposed to someone who hired a bunch of writers, it's kind of silly, right?

02:07:46.000 I mean, he's just trying to get a different point of view and perspective, but ultimately it's coming out of his mouth.

02:07:51.000 It's going to be his voice, and he assigned those writers to help him with this.

02:07:55.000 You know, it's just different.

02:07:57.000 Especially if you're the type of actor who's got to create and crank out a just...

02:08:01.000 You don't have to...

02:08:02.000 You can't do an 80% fun job.

02:08:04.000 It has to be out of the park every time.

02:08:07.000 And if you're doing that once a year...

02:08:08.000 Here's where it would suck, though.

02:08:09.000 Where it would suck is if everybody got an equal say in what you said on stage.

02:08:13.000 See, if you were a team...

02:08:15.000 Say if you were a band and it was the three of us and we had to construct a set. 0.99

02:08:18.000 And then maybe Joe Diaz wants to put some shit in the beginning. 0.99

02:08:21.000 Oh, no, no, no, no. 0.99

02:08:21.000 Don't do that. 0.99

02:08:22.000 This has got to be the end. 1.00

02:08:24.000 You're going to put my shit here. 0.99

02:08:25.000 And then you're like, why would I put it? 0.99

02:08:26.000 Look, bro, I don't have confidence in that. 0.99

02:08:27.000 What the fuck? 0.98

02:08:28.000 And then you would argue over how the material gets delivered. 1.00

02:08:30.000 As long as Joe Diaz was in charge, if you went out and hired a bunch of stuff, they brought you things, and you're like, okay, this is good.

02:08:37.000 That's good.

02:08:37.000 I feel comfortable.

02:08:38.000 I would say this, and I'll put my own flavor into this, my own spin on that.

02:08:43.000 It comes from a singular voice.

02:08:45.000 Sure, sure, sure.

02:08:46.000 Absolutely.

02:08:47.000 You guys are just enlightening me.

02:08:48.000 I've been around you for 10 years.

02:08:50.000 You might...

02:08:51.000 You know what I'm saying?

02:08:52.000 Your best friends that you did open mic with, some of them are writers now.

02:08:56.000 Some of them are actors.

02:08:57.000 Chris McGuire. 0.99

02:08:58.000 Some of them fucking came up to you a couple times and said something, and you're like... 1.00

02:09:02.000 This motherfucker knows me. 1.00

02:09:03.000 So you know what, man? 1.00

02:09:05.000 Sometimes it's better just to settle down and you might not use it, but he might open up a door for you where your voice fits.

02:09:12.000 And that's what I'm saying.

02:09:13.000 Sometimes you have to learn how to, you know...

02:09:15.000 Collaboration is a very important thing.

02:09:17.000 It's a very interesting thing.

02:09:18.000 These podcasts are essentially 100% collaboration.

02:09:22.000 They're little rants.

02:09:23.000 We each go on little rants.

02:09:24.000 Things come out of them and stuff like that that weren't normal.

02:09:27.000 Exactly.

02:09:29.000 When you talk about nervous, do you get randomly...

02:09:31.000 I get nervous in the craziest things.

02:09:33.000 You'll be doing a television show with zero nerves.

02:09:36.000 And then it's second show Saturday.

02:09:37.000 For some reason, my heart will feel like it's pounding out of the chest.

02:09:40.000 Really?

02:09:41.000 And then a Friday first show, no nerves.

02:09:43.000 I do a little bit of rituals to stay kind of focused.

02:09:46.000 To get me in a really good mood.

02:09:47.000 So when I get on stage, I'm not phoning it in.

02:09:49.000 But as far as physical...

02:09:51.000 I need to wear one of those body bugs.

02:09:54.000 I would like to see those, uh, they got those things now you can do your heart rate, calories and stuff and you hook it up to your computer.

02:10:00.000 Really?

02:10:01.000 You wear it for like all week and it gives you...

02:10:03.000 What?

02:10:03.000 Yeah.

02:10:03.000 Does it work while you're exercising?

02:10:05.000 Because the one I wear is stupid. 1.00

02:10:06.000 It goes around your waist and... 1.00

02:10:07.000 No, no.

02:10:07.000 They have new ones that go on your bicep that are supposed to be really good.

02:10:11.000 And you could fully exercise? 0.99

02:10:12.000 Like I could punch the bag and shit with that on? 1.00

02:10:13.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:10:14.000 Yeah, it's like, yeah.

02:10:15.000 It's like a little iPod.

02:10:17.000 Yeah, I like to wear one just to see what my heart rate does before shows and see what kind of calories you burn. 0.95

02:10:22.000 Did you ever look at it while you're looking at pictures of cock? 0.87

02:10:24.000 How many calories did you burn? 0.96

02:10:25.000 No, I want to do it. 0.99

02:10:26.000 See, that was a goddamn good line. 0.98

02:10:28.000 Joey talked right over it. 0.98

02:10:29.000 I'm sorry.

02:10:30.000 I liked it.

02:10:30.000 What was it?

02:10:31.000 What was it? 0.93

02:10:32.000 He said, do you ever look at that while you're looking at pictures of cock and see what your heart rate does? 0.95

02:10:35.000 It's all right, man. 0.92

02:10:36.000 Don't worry about it.

02:10:36.000 GSB on a horse.

02:10:37.000 I guess you could use it.

02:10:38.000 Yeah, I guess you could use it seeing if you're watching porn just to see how many calories.

02:10:41.000 Come with me.

02:10:42.000 He puts his hand out.

02:10:44.000 And it's just a gymnastics horse.

02:10:45.000 It's not even a real horse.

02:10:46.000 It's a gymnastics horse.

02:10:47.000 Sit behind me.

02:10:48.000 I look at things and I look at when there was a time when the store became second nature to me.

02:10:54.000 Right.

02:10:55.000 And Joe would call me and go, you're going up before me? 0.99

02:10:57.000 And it was like, I gotta go to the fucking store. 0.99

02:10:59.000 And I would go down there and I wouldn't feel anything. 1.00

02:11:02.000 I would go up on stage and literally fucking bomb. 1.00

02:11:05.000 Bomb, bomb. 1.00

02:11:06.000 And get in my car. 1.00

02:11:07.000 I didn't give a fuck. 0.99

02:11:08.000 And then it's times when the audience, I feed off the energy. 0.99

02:11:12.000 It's like when I went to the ocean, you're sitting there. 0.99

02:11:14.000 These waves are hitting you, but there's some shit coming at you. 0.99

02:11:16.000 And sometimes you get to a show, and I got to see the audience. 1.00

02:11:20.000 Like, seeing the audience and letting me know these motherfuckers paid to get in gets me fucking on fire. 1.00

02:11:26.000 I see people, and I tell you, on the plane sometimes, I'll psych myself up. 1.00

02:11:30.000 Now I'm to a different point. 0.87

02:11:31.000 Like, now I want to go out there and die on stage. 0.90

02:11:33.000 We were in Milwaukee. 0.65

02:11:34.000 Let me just tell this.

02:11:35.000 Nobody's ever had a heart attack on stage.

02:11:36.000 I'm ready.

02:11:37.000 But if I do it, I'm doing it because I like what's going on right now with comedy in my life and with us when we go out.

02:11:44.000 If I'm not nervous, bro, it ain't gonna be real. 0.98

02:11:47.000 I don't want it to fuck around no more. 0.97

02:11:49.000 I want to be nervous to the point where my palms sweat a little bit. 0.99

02:11:52.000 Yeah, I get that way.

02:11:52.000 And then the second you get on stage...

02:11:54.000 And I think about leaving the door, like, where's that door?

02:11:56.000 Maybe I don't want to do this.

02:11:57.000 We were in Milwaukee, right?

02:11:58.000 The place is packed. 0.96

02:11:59.000 We're at this fucking awesome theater, and Joey's in the back, and Joey looks out, and he sees all the people in the audience. 1.00

02:12:05.000 You got this, like, fucking murderous look in your eye. 0.99

02:12:07.000 I had to. 1.00

02:12:08.000 You're like, look at all these motherfuckers, Joe Rogan. 1.00

02:12:10.000 He goes, these motherfuckers are going crazy. 1.00

02:12:12.000 And then he goes, we're taking this to the next level. 1.00

02:12:14.000 We're taking this to the next level, Joe Rogan.

02:12:16.000 And he just like had this murderous look in his eyes and then went out and just smashed it.

02:12:20.000 But it's like the excitement of the crowd all coming there.

02:12:25.000 It's so much better than you see the guys that get on stage.

02:12:28.000 They have their notebook.

02:12:29.000 They're like, hey, what's up?

02:12:31.000 I'm tired.

02:12:32.000 Paige, Paige.

02:12:32.000 No!

02:12:34.000 This guy's stupid. 1.00

02:12:35.000 Page, page. 1.00

02:12:36.000 Where I literally...

02:12:37.000 My new little move before each show, if no one...

02:12:40.000 I'll even do it if a crowd's looking.

02:12:41.000 There's a scene from one of the Star Wars where Obi-Wan's about to fight the Sith, and there's a force field in front of him, and he's rocking.

02:12:49.000 Like, just get the...

02:12:49.000 I do that to myself now before I... Well, I was just going to...

02:12:52.000 Not crazy pump up, like...

02:12:53.000 I was going to ask you this because you do that neuro-linguistic programming, right?

02:12:57.000 Yeah.

02:12:58.000 And you have like a certain thing you do right before you go on stage that puts you in like a perfect state of mind.

02:13:04.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:13:04.000 Does that work always?

02:13:05.000 Yeah, what I do, it's...

02:13:07.000 Yes, and then I was doing it wrong where a buddy actually said you shouldn't make it ritualistic, whatever that word is.

02:13:14.000 That was tongue-tied.

02:13:14.000 Right.

02:13:15.000 You know what I mean?

02:13:15.000 Like you shouldn't do it or now you're developing an OCD problem.

02:13:18.000 Yeah.

02:13:18.000 So what I do is I imagine the greatest show ever, just literally, because your brain doesn't know something that didn't happen to you.

02:13:26.000 If I was asked you, tell me about lunch you had with your family yesterday and you told me, you couldn't really tell me the way the lunch actually went down.

02:13:35.000 You've deleted, distorted, and generalized.

02:13:37.000 Every situation in your life to what's important to you, right?

02:13:40.000 Where I could ask, let's say your wife, tell me about lunch, and she would almost give me, it'd be similar, but maybe she was paying attention to the TV that was on above you, and in your story, you didn't tell me about the TV. It's kind of what people are, what you're looking out for, because you have, this is wrong numbers, but like 70 billion bits of information.

02:14:00.000 Your body's trying to figure out right now.

02:14:01.000 And you narrow that down to seven plus or minus two pieces of info at any given moment.

02:14:08.000 Like if I was to ask you, what's the temperature like in here?

02:14:10.000 How's the temperature?

02:14:11.000 Unless you were focused on it, unless you were sweaty, the temperature might not even bend in the equation while we're having this conversation.

02:14:18.000 So with that, I imagine the greatest show...

02:14:22.000 Ever.

02:14:22.000 Like, my greatest show ever.

02:14:23.000 And I kind of remind some last comic, because there was that feeling of big lights, shit falling from the thing, when I really felt, eh.

02:14:31.000 And right when I get to that state, I squeeze my thumb.

02:14:33.000 I put my thumb in between my fist.

02:14:35.000 Like Spider-Man?

02:14:36.000 And squeeze it, yeah.

02:14:37.000 Like you're shooting out a web?

02:14:38.000 Yes, exactly.

02:14:39.000 That's exactly, you put it there.

02:14:40.000 How did he do it?

02:14:40.000 No, he did it like two fingers like this, right?

02:14:42.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:14:42.000 Well, mine's hidden.

02:14:44.000 Spider-Man did this.

02:14:45.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:14:45.000 He went like this.

02:14:46.000 Or if I had the things as a kid, he'd spray it.

02:14:48.000 But I put it here.

02:14:49.000 And then I imagine that you get that feeling because now your brain imagines that awesome thing.

02:14:54.000 And I lock it in like a speed dial.

02:14:57.000 So then what happens?

02:14:57.000 So just covering your thumb locks that in.

02:14:59.000 Because you want it, like fighters use it.

02:15:01.000 Sometimes fighters have a thing, you do it in a movement that you don't replicate on a normal basis.

02:15:06.000 So you don't do it on your hands.

02:15:07.000 So I squeeze my thumb, and then sometimes when I'm in an awesome mood, or even if I come home and my dogs, their tails are wagging, and I'm like, oh, this is great, I'll squeeze my thumb.

02:15:18.000 And when I'm on stage, if I get a big laugh or say something that was really funny, I'll squeeze my thumb.

02:15:25.000 So it's like a bank account.

02:15:26.000 You put happy feelings or good feelings into that thumb.

02:15:29.000 So then for the days when you don't feel like going on stage or you got in an argument right before you went on stage, like self-hypnosis, you squeeze that thumb and it puts you right back to that place.

02:15:38.000 Just like a song would.

02:15:39.000 It's called anchoring.

02:15:40.000 Just like if you hear a song from back in the day, you can almost remember.

02:15:43.000 Reminds you of your girlfriend.

02:15:44.000 So what you're doing is you're adding your speed dial to your thing.

02:15:49.000 Here's the deal.

02:15:50.000 If you think it works, then it completely works.

02:15:53.000 You just have to convince yourself that it works.

02:15:55.000 I see you're not wearing your balance bracelet anymore.

02:15:58.000 And when I was at the mall the other day, some guy was trying to sell me on it, and I asked if you've got a balance bracelet on both hands if it's better, and he said yes.

02:16:09.000 Well, there's scam artists.

02:16:10.000 I wish I recorded it. 1.00

02:16:11.000 But there's people that actually believe in that shit. 1.00

02:16:13.000 Shane Carwin believed in that shit. 1.00

02:16:15.000 But here's the crazy part about it. 0.99

02:16:16.000 One of the things that Arking Ropes of Jism from the forum, you know, Phil, the English dude, he posted on the forum an interesting observation that this guy had where people have done studies and showed that they actually did help athletic performance.

02:16:29.000 And the reason is because people thought they helped. 0.98

02:16:31.000 And that is somehow enough, even, ready for this, even if you know it's bullshit. 0.98

02:16:37.000 Even people that knew it was bullshit, knew there was no physical way that this bracelet could give you better balance and make you athletically perform better, they would give it to people and they would still find significant benefit in it. 0.98

02:16:51.000 It's like somehow or another just opening the door to something making you better can make you better. 0.98

02:16:55.000 Or what happens a lot of times when you start talking, let's say we're talking about nerves or shitty, if we keep it, the show. 0.98

02:17:01.000 You start thinking, oh, the show sucks. 0.90

02:17:03.000 Oh, but that person's probably going to heckle. 0.99

02:17:04.000 And what happens is you talk yourself into a really shitty show. 0.93

02:17:08.000 Do you do that? 0.98

02:17:08.000 You talk yourself into people heckling? 0.98

02:17:10.000 No, but I will play scenarios out in my head.

02:17:14.000 You play like heckle scenarios?

02:17:16.000 He's a spaz. 1.00

02:17:17.000 Have you realized he's a spaz? 1.00

02:17:18.000 No.

02:17:19.000 But I'm not saying just for show.

02:17:21.000 Hold on a second.

02:17:23.000 Because Brian, you're really new to the game.

02:17:25.000 You've only been doing comedy like a little bit now.

02:17:27.000 I mean, really over the last couple years, over this nine years off that you had. 0.98

02:17:31.000 Do you ever, before you go on stage, you should be nervous as fuck. 0.96

02:17:34.000 Do you ever go on stage and say, I hope no one hackles? 0.98

02:17:37.000 I'm not nervous anymore.

02:17:38.000 You're fine.

02:17:38.000 I don't let Brian be nervous.

02:17:39.000 You just go up there and do it.

02:17:40.000 I don't let Brian be nervous.

02:17:42.000 Well, let me tell you something, what Brian did.

02:17:44.000 I mean, people would say that Brian had like a shortcut, and Brian, you know, all he had to do was just start doing open mics, and we had him in front of packed houses. 0.59

02:17:52.000 Brian went up in Austin fucking Texas after Joey Diaz killed. 0.97

02:17:56.000 Every night, balls of steel. 1.00

02:17:58.000 He never fucking complained. 0.99

02:18:00.000 He never looked at me, and I'll tell him through his face, never gave me a look of sorrow or puppy dog. 0.99

02:18:05.000 After Joey crushed.

02:18:07.000 Crushed.

02:18:07.000 And he would tell me to crush.

02:18:09.000 If I didn't crush, he's like, your joke didn't fucking work tonight. 1.00

02:18:11.000 Fuck you, bitch. 1.00

02:18:13.000 You know what I'm saying? 1.00

02:18:14.000 One time, he's like, we were in Austin.

02:18:16.000 Is he making things up?

02:18:17.000 I don't remember.

02:18:18.000 No, we were in Austin one night, and he came up to me afterwards.

02:18:20.000 Like, I had an okay set.

02:18:21.000 And he's like, that joke didn't work. 0.99

02:18:23.000 And I'm fucking howling. 0.99

02:18:24.000 Oh, that's funny. 1.00

02:18:24.000 And I didn't give a fuck. 1.00

02:18:26.000 It's true, the joke didn't work. 0.99

02:18:27.000 But Brian has balls of steel.

02:18:29.000 No one did he complain.

02:18:31.000 Never complained to me.

02:18:32.000 Never, ever cried.

02:18:33.000 He had been off.

02:18:33.000 He had been off for nine years.

02:18:35.000 Six years.

02:18:37.000 No stand-up at all.

02:18:38.000 He got up at a midnight show in Atlanta, Georgia at a UFC. Punchline.

02:18:44.000 Punchline in Atlanta. 0.99

02:18:46.000 First of all, that's a badass old school club to have that club to go up for your First time on a sold out show, on a fucking Friday night, a late night show, midnight show, he fucking goes on stage and kills. 0.99

02:18:59.000 Not only did he kill, he pulled himself out of a downward spiral. 0.99

02:19:03.000 Like he did really good in the beginning and then he started bombing.

02:19:06.000 And he figured out a way to pull himself out of the bombing.

02:19:08.000 You know why?

02:19:09.000 Because he doesn't have a lot of ego.

02:19:11.000 When you have a lot of ego, that's when you can never pull out of a bombing.

02:19:14.000 A person who takes themselves super seriously and then gets devastated on stage by a joke choking, those are the people that can't pull out of the bombing. 0.98

02:19:21.000 I'm to the point in my life, when I get another fucking email about stand-up or another twit, And you put me off or people come up to you and talk to you and put you off. 0.99

02:19:31.000 I'm at the point in stand-up I want to just say get the fuck away from me. 0.99

02:19:34.000 So whenever I see somebody like Brian do the stand-up rap and go about it ball-less, you know, because it's completely out of Brian's brain, he just goes out. 0.96

02:19:43.000 Right.

02:19:44.000 I love them.

02:19:45.000 I love them just for that.

02:19:46.000 I give them that respect because I know how hard it is.

02:19:48.000 And I know how many excuses we've all heard. 0.99

02:19:51.000 And we don't give a fuck. 0.98

02:19:52.000 All I want you to do is be happy. 0.99

02:19:53.000 If you come up to me and say you want to get on stage, I'll give you all the love I can to get you up to that stage.

02:19:58.000 But don't let me see you three months later and you're still bullshitting me.

02:20:01.000 Because I did that too.

02:20:02.000 It took me six months.

02:20:03.000 It took me six months of canceling at the Comedy Works and then showing up and finally doing it and then you get hooked.

02:20:09.000 But I do give you a lot of love for that, Brian. 0.99

02:20:12.000 Probably one of the fucking reasons why I talk to you is because you don't give a fuck when it comes to stand-up. 1.00

02:20:16.000 And as soon as you get to our stage, you'll walk up to me and say, where's the drink ticket, bitch? 1.00

02:20:19.000 There was a kid I used to do open mic nights with back in Boston, and I was kind of half-assing it in the beginning. 0.93

02:20:25.000 I was into it, but I wasn't into it because I was still fighting at the time, and I was still working full-time.

02:20:30.000 So I was still fighting in kickboxing tournaments and shit, so I was training pretty much every night and then trying to go do stand-up afterwards. 0.95

02:20:35.000 So I was fucking tired all the time. 0.98

02:20:37.000 I was burning the fuse at both ends. 0.99

02:20:38.000 And some fucking kid that I did open mic nights with goes, you were pretty funny when you first started out, man, but you seemed to have kind of fizzled. 0.98

02:20:45.000 And he was being honest with me. 1.00

02:20:46.000 And I stopped and I thought about it and I was like, shit. 0.99

02:20:49.000 You know, he's just, like, saying it. 0.99

02:20:51.000 Like, you were really funny in the beginning.

02:20:52.000 You kind of fizzled.

02:20:53.000 And I didn't argue with him back, which is what I normally would have done. 1.00

02:20:55.000 But I'm like, fuck you. 1.00

02:20:56.000 And I thought about it. 1.00

02:20:57.000 I'm like, god damn. 0.99

02:20:58.000 He's probably right. 1.00

02:20:59.000 What the fuck am I doing? 0.99

02:21:00.000 I had a guy say that he came and saw me in Austin, a friend of mine, and he did a show. 1.00

02:21:05.000 And I thought it was a good show.

02:21:06.000 And he goes, I've seen you, like, a bunch of times.

02:21:08.000 He goes, you've done comedy for 23 years, blah, blah.

02:21:11.000 You need to rip it every time.

02:21:13.000 He said you need to rip it every time?

02:21:15.000 You need to rip it. 0.85

02:21:15.000 Like, just crush it. 0.85

02:21:16.000 You know why he's probably saying that? 1.00

02:21:18.000 His girlfriend wanted to fuck you. 1.00

02:21:19.000 Yeah, right? 1.00

02:21:20.000 But either way, it motivated me because then I started going, no, that crowd just kind of...

02:21:23.000 And then I'm making all the excuses and I go, no, no, I need to...

02:21:28.000 There was a point where I switched off, maybe start phoning it in and then...

02:21:32.000 Really?

02:21:33.000 Yeah, and then that's when I squeeze my thumb.

02:21:34.000 Man, I'll tell you what.

02:21:35.000 But some shows, I mean, when you do 500 of them, you're going to have... 0.99

02:21:38.000 Do you suck your thumb? 1.00

02:21:39.000 Do I suck my... 1.00

02:21:40.000 I never did, no. 1.00

02:21:41.000 You suck at them? 0.99

02:21:42.000 No. 1.00

02:21:42.000 You know, when I was a kid, I was fucking... 1.00

02:21:43.000 Oh, yeah, when I was a kid. 0.99

02:21:44.000 When I was a fucking kid, I was hooked on Pacifier. 0.99

02:21:46.000 I was like six years old, dog. 1.00

02:21:48.000 Yeah.

02:21:48.000 Big time.

02:21:49.000 I used to hide them from my mom and hide them all over the house. 0.98

02:21:52.000 When I used to play ball in the house, my mom would say, you're going to fucking break something of mine one day. 0.98

02:21:56.000 So she had these Japanese dolls with different fucking wigs that were like 10 Gs, and I broke them. 1.00

02:22:00.000 My mom was like, you're done now. 0.99

02:22:01.000 You got to pay me all the money you owe me.

02:22:03.000 You got to get a day job.

02:22:04.000 I was like, fine. 1.00

02:22:05.000 I'm like, fuck you, mom. 1.00

02:22:06.000 She's like, I need like 30 fucking Gs. 1.00

02:22:08.000 You got to give me $50 a week. 1.00

02:22:09.000 Or... 1.00

02:22:10.000 We could start sucking those pacifiers, dawg. 1.00

02:22:13.000 Stop sucking them. 1.00

02:22:14.000 Stop sucking them. 1.00

02:22:14.000 And I'm like, because I would suck them like the way people smoke cigarettes. 1.00

02:22:17.000 I'd get into a fist fight and then run home. 1.00

02:22:18.000 That's so ridiculous. 1.00

02:22:19.000 I used to hide them outside in the car and shit. 1.00

02:22:21.000 You're stressed at five. 0.99

02:22:22.000 You just see you in the corner just puffing on it.

02:22:24.000 I want to talk about that thing that we talked about before the show, but I don't.

02:22:27.000 I do, but I don't.

02:22:28.000 Yeah, right, right.

02:22:29.000 Should we?

02:22:29.000 We should.

02:22:30.000 The electronic thing.

02:22:32.000 Oh, yeah, why not?

02:22:34.000 Listen, folks, you want to know at what level they're kicking it here in California?

02:22:38.000 Do you want to know?

02:22:39.000 Do you want to really know?

02:22:40.000 They have electronic cigarettes, look what Brian's holding up, that are all weed.

02:22:45.000 There's 200 hits in those, guys.

02:22:48.000 200. 200 hits in those.

02:22:49.000 Do you know how ridiculous that is? 0.68

02:22:51.000 That one thing, you could carry that around for you for days. 0.99

02:22:55.000 For you. 1.00

02:22:55.000 You could carry that shit around for days. 1.00

02:22:58.000 And just get blitzed. 1.00

02:22:59.000 So you put the weed in there?

02:23:00.000 No.

02:23:01.000 It's preloaded. 1.00

02:23:02.000 Let me take a poll of that shit. 0.99

02:23:04.000 It's preloaded and it has about 200 and you draw it for two to three seconds. 1.00

02:23:09.000 Two weeks you gotta charge it.

02:23:11.000 And it's sativa.

02:23:12.000 That's not overcooked.

02:23:13.000 This is amazing.

02:23:14.000 This is super blue dream sativa.

02:23:17.000 Now where do you get this one?

02:23:19.000 Shop.

02:23:19.000 Only two or three seconds.

02:23:21.000 It's called M-E-D-A-S-T-I-S. This is amazing. 1.00

02:23:25.000 It doesn't smell at all.

02:23:27.000 Except for when you...

02:23:29.000 Yeah, but the problem is you can never smell weed.

02:23:31.000 When you're smoking weed, you don't smell it.

02:23:33.000 So this is on a plane?

02:23:34.000 I wouldn't.

02:23:35.000 I don't think you can do it on a plane because something's coming out and that something will probably set up the alarms.

02:23:39.000 What I did here is this.

02:23:41.000 It's vapor.

02:23:41.000 It's water vapor.

02:23:41.000 It's water vapor?

02:23:43.000 Why do they need to do the water vapor? 0.81

02:23:45.000 Is it necessary?

02:23:46.000 I know for the cigarette, they do it so people get the whole thing.

02:23:49.000 You see the fake red, you go in and then you see the...

02:23:53.000 The fake red's hilarious.

02:23:54.000 Yeah, you see the, and then you blow it out so people who want to not smoke, you're going through the whole motion.

02:24:00.000 You see it, you light it, and stuff like that.

02:24:02.000 Don't listen to this.

02:24:03.000 The last time I flew into Burbank, I had a talk with a cop in Burbank.

02:24:07.000 You got your own!

02:24:09.000 Joe Rogan, it's over.

02:24:10.000 Why are you so greedy, man?

02:24:14.000 It's over.

02:24:16.000 What's wrong with you today?

02:24:20.000 From accusing Starbucks of random drug testing?

02:24:24.000 I talked to a cop at Burbank and Bob Hope. 1.00

02:24:27.000 The motherfucker said, he goes, look, we don't care where the fuck you're flying no more. 1.00

02:24:33.000 Please check your weed. 1.00

02:24:34.000 He goes, we got people checking weed now, four or three ounces on the conveyor belt for security purposes. 0.99

02:24:39.000 We don't give a fuck no more. 0.99

02:24:40.000 Really? 0.99

02:24:40.000 That's how bad it's getting. 0.99

02:24:41.000 LAX, too. 1.00

02:24:42.000 They don't give a fuck. 1.00

02:24:43.000 Used to be they didn't give a fuck if you were going to somewhere in California. 1.00

02:24:47.000 Now they just said, fuck it, you're on. 1.00

02:24:49.000 Really? 1.00

02:24:50.000 So you could bring weed through the fucking PSA? Don't hold that up, Brian. 1.00

02:24:57.000 People have all the information.

02:24:58.000 Make them get on a trip. 1.00

02:25:00.000 You gotta put your weed on the belt and let it go through fucking... 1.00

02:25:05.000 The thing. 1.00

02:25:06.000 Really?

02:25:06.000 So you tell them this is weed?

02:25:08.000 Yeah, they know.

02:25:09.000 They know.

02:25:09.000 Don't be stingy, Brian.

02:25:10.000 Keep that thing going.

02:25:11.000 Keep it passing around. 1.00

02:25:13.000 Get your own dirty bitch. 1.00

02:25:14.000 Brian's taking his ball and going home. 1.00

02:25:16.000 So listen, we're near the end of the podcast because I've got to get the fuck out of here because I'm going to the premiere of Warrior tonight. 0.76

02:25:21.000 Oh, really? 0.72

02:25:22.000 Yeah, Brian Callum's playing me.

02:25:23.000 I'm going to go see that.

02:25:24.000 That's going to be interesting. 0.99

02:25:25.000 And you know I'm in fucking... 0.98

02:25:26.000 I've got to go to a premiere tomorrow. 1.00

02:25:27.000 Bucky Larson, born to be a porn star. 0.99

02:25:30.000 Bucky Larson, born to be a porn star. 0.99

02:25:31.000 What's that? 0.99

02:25:32.000 You in it?

02:25:32.000 That's the movie.

02:25:32.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:25:33.000 Me and Don Johnson.

02:25:34.000 You have a play?

02:25:34.000 Huh?

02:25:34.000 What's the play?

02:25:35.000 What's the part in it?

02:25:36.000 I'm a porn producer. 0.68

02:25:37.000 They try to show me porn. 0.62

02:25:39.000 Is this like a big movie?

02:25:40.000 Yeah, it's Nick Swanson and a bunch of people.

02:25:42.000 Really?

02:25:42.000 Nick Swanson.

02:25:43.000 When is it coming out?

02:25:44.000 Friday, but it goes up against Contagious.

02:25:46.000 I'm in no danger.

02:25:47.000 Did you meet Stephen Dwarf?

02:25:48.000 I'm in no danger.

02:25:49.000 I'm against Contagious.

02:25:50.000 Did you meet Stephen Dwarf?

02:25:51.000 Yeah, we were at the party. 1.00

02:25:52.000 We went to the fucking party together. 1.00

02:25:54.000 All of a sudden you forgot? 1.00

02:25:55.000 Then I take you to the party.

02:25:56.000 No, you invited...

02:25:57.000 I took you to the party.

02:25:58.000 Stephen Dorff came with Gina Ritchie and Ben Owen.

02:26:01.000 Owen Benjamin came at the end. 1.00

02:26:02.000 I left you at the party with the drunk chick from fucking Playboy. 1.00

02:26:06.000 You forget now, cocksucker? 1.00

02:26:07.000 Brian, I need to take you to a doctor. 1.00

02:26:08.000 That's it.

02:26:09.000 It's over.

02:26:09.000 Me, you, and Terry went to the party.

02:26:11.000 We ate the meat with the steaks on it down on Wilshire.

02:26:15.000 Me, you, and my wife went to the rap party.

02:26:18.000 Just a quick little brain cat scan type thing. 1.00

02:26:20.000 That pussy's turning your brain to mush. 1.00

02:26:23.000 You're like Henry Hill and Goodfellas, cocksucker. 1.00

02:26:25.000 I saw him at the grocery store yesterday. 0.99

02:26:26.000 I tried to get a picture.

02:26:27.000 How bad does he look?

02:26:28.000 He was in one of those little carts.

02:26:30.000 How do you know what he looks like? 1.00

02:26:31.000 Isn't he in the fucking mob? 1.00

02:26:32.000 Whoa, this shit smells like weed. 1.00

02:26:34.000 I know exactly what it looks like, but he was at the grocery store. 1.00

02:26:36.000 In that little cart that...

02:26:37.000 Yo, this smells exactly like weed.

02:26:40.000 I was trying.

02:26:41.000 I wanted to get a picture with you.

02:26:42.000 I told my wife, I go, just take a picture.

02:26:43.000 I'm in a sandbox.

02:26:44.000 You should have gone up to him and told him you were holding.

02:26:45.000 Hey, is this missing something, Hefron?

02:26:48.000 Because it smells like weed.

02:26:50.000 Smell that.

02:26:50.000 Is there something missing off the front?

02:27:00.000 Or is it supposed to be like that?

02:27:01.000 I think that's right. 1.00

02:27:02.000 Smell that shit. 1.00

02:27:03.000 You can smell the weed right through that. 1.00

02:27:05.000 That thing stinks like weed. 1.00

02:27:06.000 I can't take that nowhere.

02:27:08.000 What?

02:27:09.000 Trust me.

02:27:10.000 You're trying to get me arrested. 0.94

02:27:12.000 Bro, this thing stinks like weed. 1.00

02:27:13.000 Are you crazy? 1.00

02:27:14.000 Let me smell that shit. 1.00

02:27:15.000 Put some Lysol on it, Joe. 1.00

02:27:17.000 Smell that shit, Joey. 1.00

02:27:17.000 Steal Brian's in, because Brian's doesn't... 1.00

02:27:19.000 I'll switch you.

02:27:20.000 Smell the mouth part.

02:27:21.000 No, I want the fake cigarette.

02:27:22.000 Well, that's because you just did the... 1.00

02:27:23.000 Smells like teeth and breath and ass and fucking everything that goes in my mouth, cocksucker. 1.00

02:27:28.000 You know what I'm saying? 1.00

02:27:29.000 Relax, I'm smoking.

02:27:30.000 I want one, too.

02:27:31.000 Pass it over here.

02:27:32.000 I don't think it does.

02:27:33.000 So this is the question that I had.

02:27:36.000 I'm thinking about opening up a comedy club.

02:27:37.000 I've been thinking about that for the last couple of weeks.

02:27:40.000 I've been telling you that for years.

02:27:41.000 You're right, you have been.

02:27:42.000 You've been telling me about it.

02:27:43.000 We talked about buying the ice house at one point in time.

02:27:46.000 Remember when they were trying to sell the ice house?

02:27:47.000 We were like, what would it be like to buy a comedy club?

02:27:50.000 What city would you do in it?

02:27:51.000 I don't know, man. 0.99

02:27:51.000 I would have to have somebody fucking run it, though. 0.99

02:27:53.000 Somebody that I trust to run it. 0.98

02:27:54.000 That's the real problem, because I ain't got the time to really...

02:27:56.000 But to have a club where we all had a vested interest in, and we all worked out there all the time, and we set it up the right way...

02:28:03.000 I mean, essentially...

02:28:04.000 Look, the Comedy Store was one of the greatest creative moments for you and I and a lot of other comedians.

02:28:10.000 But why was it?

02:28:11.000 Well, it's because there was a lot of great comics hanging out there and basically running the show.

02:28:15.000 I mean, that's what it was. 0.99

02:28:16.000 It was a fun little club where we all got in and fucked around and people knew that they could go there pretty much any weekend and see some fun shit. 0.98

02:28:24.000 We need to recreate that. 0.98

02:28:26.000 We can recreate that somewhere.

02:28:27.000 It wouldn't be that hard.

02:28:28.000 As long as we don't go crazy.

02:28:29.000 Not small, like 200, 250?

02:28:32.000 250. Even that's too much.

02:28:34.000 Even that's too much, man.

02:28:35.000 We don't want to compete with nobody.

02:28:36.000 By the way, what's going on there, dog?

02:28:38.000 Who?

02:28:38.000 Are we allowed to talk about?

02:28:40.000 What?

02:28:41.000 We allowed to talk about it?

02:28:42.000 I don't know.

02:28:42.000 I went into the improv last Tuesday.

02:28:44.000 That shit is fucked up. 1.00

02:28:45.000 What are you talking about? 1.00

02:28:46.000 Went to the improv last week and Judy Brown was there. 0.97

02:28:48.000 When was the last time you went to the improv on Tuesday?

02:28:50.000 So I'm walking around.

02:28:51.000 Oh, I haven't been there in a while.

02:28:52.000 Shaking people's hands.

02:28:53.000 And all of a sudden, as I'm walking out the door, I got a tap on the shoulder and I got a newspaper article drawn on me.

02:28:58.000 Have you seen the newspaper?

02:28:59.000 What?

02:28:59.000 Front page of the business section in the LA Times.

02:29:03.000 They caught a boy with a hand in the motherfucking cookie jar. 0.99

02:29:06.000 What are you talking about? 0.99

02:29:06.000 Robert Hartman. 0.99

02:29:07.000 What?

02:29:08.000 He's getting sued by Bud Friedman. 1.00

02:29:09.000 Stealing like a motherfucker. 1.00

02:29:11.000 Double dipping 15% and owning the club. 1.00

02:29:14.000 It's in there.

02:29:15.000 You know why?

02:29:16.000 You ready for this one?

02:29:17.000 What?

02:29:18.000 What the guy told, the story they told is that they're going to open up three new clubs called Levity.

02:29:22.000 Yeah.

02:29:23.000 Bud said enough is enough. 1.00

02:29:24.000 Enough of you motherfuckers robbing me. 1.00

02:29:26.000 The reason why they call them Levity is they don't have to pay the fucking franchise tax. 1.00

02:29:30.000 And they've been doing it now for a long time. 0.99

02:29:32.000 Stand up live.

02:29:33.000 They're having a good time with the funny bones.

02:29:35.000 Bud came out of that coma.

02:29:36.000 I heard he cut like eight Jews together. 0.63

02:29:38.000 And he goes, we're going to get ours.

02:29:39.000 They've been out.

02:29:40.000 Mark Lano's been down there.

02:29:42.000 It's over.

02:29:43.000 The cat's out of the bag.

02:29:44.000 Are you sure about all this information? 0.99

02:29:46.000 You better look on that fucking newspaper and see what it says right there. 0.99

02:29:49.000 I don't want to read it right now while you're getting work. 1.00

02:29:51.000 I just want to agree with you. 0.99

02:29:53.000 I don't give a fuck. 0.98

02:29:54.000 The improvs have been good to me no matter what. 1.00

02:29:56.000 I'm just saying that every fucking dog has his day. 1.00

02:29:59.000 They accuse him, you know, where there's smoke, there's fucking fire. 1.00

02:30:01.000 Well, what I'm saying is a small place. 0.98

02:30:03.000 I'm not saying anything even close to as big as the improv.

02:30:06.000 You did the club that I started off in Ann Arbor, the basement.

02:30:10.000 Perfect.

02:30:11.000 What is that, 150 people?

02:30:13.000 Yeah, two if the Fire Marshal isn't going to show up.

02:30:16.000 But you can have that place at $200, the room, or even like Wendy's Club in Denver.

02:30:22.000 But that's bigger.

02:30:23.000 That's like $300.

02:30:24.000 Is the ice ice still for sale?

02:30:25.000 I don't know if it's still for sale. 0.97

02:30:27.000 That new side room where we did the Death Squad comedy show last week, that side room is fucking badass. 0.90

02:30:32.000 That's like 90 people. 0.91

02:30:34.000 It's got a new sound system, new seats.

02:30:36.000 We're going to have a show there Friday.

02:30:38.000 I'm doing my one-man show the whole month of September.

02:30:39.000 Most likely I'll be there.

02:30:40.000 It all depends on where we're shooting Fear Factor that day.

02:30:43.000 Sweet.

02:30:43.000 Alright.

02:30:43.000 Most likely.

02:30:44.000 I guess you'd have to open one here.

02:30:45.000 I need to get on stage.

02:30:46.000 I need to get on stage because I've got a lot of dates coming up, ladies and gentlemen.

02:30:49.000 Tomorrow, the tickets go on sale for our show at the Verizon Theater, October 7th.

02:30:55.000 Joe Diaz and moi. 0.98

02:30:57.000 And we're going to fuck that place up. 0.99

02:31:00.000 Going back to H-Town old school. 0.98

02:31:02.000 We haven't been in Houston, Texas in a long time.

02:31:04.000 Four years, five years. 0.99

02:31:05.000 God damn! 1.00

02:31:07.000 Yeah, it's been a long time, man. 0.99

02:31:09.000 And that's the place where I recorded my first CD. That's the place where I first got recognized as a comic, really.

02:31:15.000 That was the place where I first started selling out.

02:31:17.000 I never sold out anywhere in the country but Houston.

02:31:19.000 Houston had this whole history of that kind of comedy.

02:31:23.000 Wild comedy.

02:31:24.000 And Joe Diaz and I went in that place. 0.97

02:31:26.000 And when my CD got released, we did a fucking free show there and advertised it on the radio. 0.90

02:31:31.000 And it was one of the most fun nights I've ever had in my life. 0.95

02:31:35.000 And the club was like, oh, we gotta charge.

02:31:37.000 Remember Mark Babbitt was like, we gotta charge, we gotta charge.

02:31:39.000 And you said it best.

02:31:41.000 It's not in the spirit of the thing.

02:31:42.000 It's not in the spirit. 0.99

02:31:43.000 We were high as fuck. 0.99

02:31:44.000 We were like, we should do a free show. 1.00

02:31:45.000 And he's like, Joe Rogan, that's genius. 0.99

02:31:47.000 Do a fucking free show. 0.99

02:31:48.000 Let him come out. 1.00

02:31:49.000 You two on the fucking building in L.A. Do that sometimes. 1.00

02:31:52.000 Get on the building and start playing. 1.00

02:31:54.000 People will fucking show up. 0.99

02:31:55.000 In the spirit of the thing, do you have enough money? 1.00

02:31:57.000 So sometimes do a fucking free show. 0.99

02:31:59.000 Rock that. 1.00

02:31:59.000 Well, this one ain't free, bitches. 1.00

02:32:00.000 Okay, you gotta pay for this one because it's at the Verizon Wireless Theater and they're charging me. 0.97

02:32:04.000 And that's October 7th in Houston, Texas.

02:32:07.000 Tickets will go on sale tomorrow.

02:32:09.000 If you look on my Twitter, it's twitter.com slash Joe Rogan.

02:32:12.000 It's on, today is, while we're recording this, is the 6th, the 7th they go on sale.

02:32:16.000 Can I drop something there?

02:32:17.000 Yeah, the password is speaker.

02:32:19.000 There's a pre-sale tomorrow.

02:32:21.000 September 17th, myself and the flying Jew Ari Shafi at the Town Ballroom in Buffalo, New York.

02:32:27.000 I gotta give you a shirt, Joe Rogan. 0.99

02:32:29.000 It's Fidel Castro with a yarmulke on, smoking a fucking blunt. 0.99

02:32:33.000 Did you make this? 1.00

02:32:34.000 Yeah.

02:32:34.000 It's your shirt?

02:32:34.000 Some guy fucking designed him for us off Twitter.

02:32:37.000 We need two more shirts. 0.99

02:32:38.000 We need one that says, Stay Black, and we need one that says, Oh, Brian. 0.77

02:32:42.000 I want a Desquad shirt.

02:32:44.000 And we need a Desquad shirt. 0.99

02:32:45.000 Yeah, but you want to do Desquad with your gay cat. 1.00

02:32:48.000 That's not the original Desquad logo. 0.96

02:32:50.000 Some people do.

02:32:51.000 I just go with just words, so just, you know, can mean whatever they want.

02:32:54.000 Yeah, you know, it should be just typed.

02:32:56.000 I'm my own Desquad.

02:32:58.000 I'm going to split up.

02:33:00.000 That's not in the spirit of the word Death Squad.

02:33:02.000 No, people want the cat.

02:33:04.000 People are getting tattoos of it.

02:33:06.000 I know.

02:33:06.000 That's not a good idea.

02:33:08.000 That cat has Hitler mustache.

02:33:10.000 Not the iTunes version.

02:33:12.000 No?

02:33:12.000 Okay, good.

02:33:12.000 Speaking of Death Squad, can I plug my new podcast that's on the Death Squad?

02:33:17.000 It's me and John Reap called Last Podcasting.

02:33:21.000 We do it every couple weeks, but it's underneath your guys' big podcast label.

02:33:26.000 Domination.

02:33:27.000 Powerful.

02:33:27.000 Very powerful.

02:33:28.000 We'll be back on Saturday and Sunday.

02:33:30.000 Saturday we have Tim Ferriss, the author of the 4-Hour Workweek.

02:33:35.000 Yeah, seems like a really cool guy.

02:33:37.000 He's coming on Saturday.

02:33:38.000 Have you read that book?

02:33:39.000 No, I have not.

02:33:40.000 I'm going to have a chance this week to pretend I'm going to read it. 0.96

02:33:43.000 So I'll fucking skip through some summaries online. 0.89

02:33:47.000 And then Sunday is Anthony Bourdain. 0.83

02:33:49.000 So the 10th and the 11th are our next live podcast that we'll be doing on the internet.

02:33:54.000 Three weeks in a row we've had the number one podcast out of all of iTunes.

02:33:57.000 And that's because of you guys.

02:33:59.000 And thank you very much. 0.99

02:34:00.000 It's cool as fuck. 0.94

02:34:00.000 It's not like it gives us anything. 0.94

02:34:01.000 I mean, it's just bragging rights.

02:34:03.000 But it's cool to know that people are interested in it.

02:34:05.000 That you guys are digging it.

02:34:06.000 We love you.

02:34:06.000 You love us.

02:34:07.000 Stay black. 1.00

02:34:08.000 We love you. 0.61

02:34:08.000 That's another shirt we need. 0.61

02:34:10.000 Joey Diaz, Brian, John Heffron.

02:34:13.000 Dates, books, blogs, videos.

02:34:16.000 Mad Flavor World.

02:34:18.000 We're doing it all over here now.

02:34:19.000 Mad Flavor World, we plugged that already on YouTube.

02:34:21.000 Go see that.

02:34:21.000 Mad Flavors World on YouTube.

02:34:23.000 I gave my cat a bat this week. 0.99

02:34:25.000 We got a lot of shit going on, people. 0.99

02:34:28.000 You're all coming with us. 0.98

02:34:30.000 Thank you to The Fleshlight.

02:34:31.000 If you go to JoeRogan.net and click on the link for The Fleshlight and enter in the code name ROGAN, you will get 15% off the number one sex toy for men.

02:34:39.000 That's it.

02:34:39.000 Go follow The Death Squad on iTunes.

02:34:42.000 It's a series of podcasts.

02:34:44.000 John Reap and John Hefron.

02:34:45.000 We got Tom Segura's on that label.

02:34:47.000 We got Ari Shafir.

02:34:49.000 We got Freddie Lockhart.

02:34:50.000 All great comics.

02:34:51.000 All interesting dudes.

02:34:53.000 It's big fun. 1.00

02:34:54.000 Follow that shit. 1.00

02:34:55.000 Alright, we love you and we'll see you on Saturday. 1.00

The Joe Rogan Experience - September 06, 2011

Joe Rogan Experience #135 - Joey Diaz & John Heffron

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Summary

Transcript