The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #139 - Duncan Trussell

00:00:01.000 You guys need to cut it out.

00:00:05.000 Recording.

00:00:07.000 Broadcasting.

00:00:11.000 The Joe Rogan Experience Podcast is brought to you by The Fleshlight.

00:00:15.000 What is The Fleshlight? 0.94

00:00:16.000 The Fleshlight is a vagina made out of rubber that's in a thing that looks like a flashlight. 1.00

00:00:22.000 And John Heffron, the brilliant comedian John Heffron, had a very funny point. 0.77

00:00:25.000 And he said, they really should make a flashlight that's a flashlight.

00:00:29.000 Because you never know where your flashlight is, but you always know where your flashlight is.

00:00:35.000 Right?

00:00:35.000 You laughed.

00:00:36.000 You can't help but laugh.

00:00:37.000 Because it's funny.

00:00:39.000 Hi.

00:00:39.000 If you go to JoeRogan.net and click on the link for the flashlight and enter in the code name ROGAN, you will get 15% off the number one sex toy for men.

00:00:48.000 Shazam, bitches. 1.00

00:00:49.000 Duncan Trussell's in the house. 1.00

00:00:51.000 We ready to get our freak on.

00:00:53.000 Hi, Duncan.

00:01:03.000 Hi!

00:01:03.000 We got everything going on here, folks.

00:01:05.000 We took Alpha Brain pills.

00:01:08.000 Alpha Brain by Onnit.

00:01:09.000 O-N-N-I-T dot com. 1.00

00:01:11.000 We've been selling these here on the podcast.

00:01:14.000 Telling people about them.

00:01:15.000 They sold out completely quickly.

00:01:17.000 And, you know, there's always going to be some people that don't like certain things. 0.97

00:01:20.000 But the response, the positive response from these things has been fucking tremendous. 0.81

00:01:24.000 And even Tim Ferriss loved it. 0.95

00:01:26.000 And he thought the, you know, he read the ingredients and said they were great. 0.99

00:01:29.000 Said it's a perfect combination, which is really nice to hear because he was a fucking brilliant man. 0.88

00:01:35.000 What an interesting guy. 0.94

00:01:36.000 I've been reading his book, The Four Hour Work.

00:01:38.000 Well, The Four Hour Body is the one I've been reading. 0.97

00:01:40.000 It's so fucking informative. 0.97

00:01:43.000 There's so much in there, man. 0.97

00:01:45.000 About so many different things.

00:01:46.000 He did all these things, his own personal, detailed examinations and experiences he's done with his own body, like gaining 30 pounds over a course of six weeks.

00:01:55.000 He did all this bodybuilding stuff and all these different things where he combined foods and nutrients in different times of the day.

00:02:02.000 And he detailed everything. 0.74

00:02:03.000 And it's fucking really interesting. 0.99

00:02:05.000 One of the things that he detailed is that his balls were getting cooked by his cell phone and it was killing his sperm count. 0.99

00:02:14.000 Like, he's totally healthy. 0.99

00:02:15.000 He just gained all this muscle, right? 0.99

00:02:16.000 He's lifting weights, doing all this kettlebells and shit. 0.99

00:02:19.000 Figures he's healthy as a horse. 1.00

00:02:21.000 Gets his sperm checked just for whatever.

00:02:24.000 I mean, I know it's going to come back awesome. 0.90

00:02:26.000 You know, it's one of those things.

00:02:27.000 My loads are going to be awesome.

00:02:28.000 They're going to be glowing. 0.98

00:02:29.000 Well, he goes and his sperm is, like, down significantly.

00:02:34.000 So the only thing he does to change it is he adds some, I believe, Brazil nuts to his diet.

00:02:41.000 Because Brazil nuts contain certain minerals or something like that that's supposed to be good for your sperm count.

00:02:46.000 And took his cell phone out of his pocket.

00:02:49.000 No longer had a cell phone on him.

00:02:51.000 Apparently there's studies online that show a significant correlation between having your cell phone in your pocket and low sperm count.

00:02:59.000 Can I ask you why it was important to him to have a good sperm count?

00:03:03.000 Well, he wanted to know what was going on with his body.

00:03:05.000 Because his whole thing is about him experimenting with his body and trying different things that people have tried to get optimum performance out of your body.

00:03:13.000 Is sperm count the number of sperm living in there?

00:03:16.000 That are live and healthy.

00:03:17.000 It's not the loads.

00:03:18.000 The size of the loads could be the same. 0.98

00:03:20.000 But inside those loads is just a dead fucking ghost ship. 0.97

00:03:26.000 Is it heat? 0.99

00:03:28.000 It arrives like, you know, here comes my boys! 1.00

00:03:32.000 The fucking boat hits the beach at Normandy, and every living soldier is just dead. 1.00

00:03:38.000 They're just slumped over. 1.00

00:03:39.000 That's terrifying.

00:03:40.000 So my loads could be filled with dead worms.

00:03:45.000 In fact, a good friend of mine had a really hard time getting his girlfriend pregnant, his wife pregnant.

00:03:50.000 And they went to a doctor, and he's not even 40, and he found out that he had a really low sperm cancer.

00:03:56.000 And he's kind of freaked out about it. 1.00

00:03:58.000 He's like, well, what the fuck? 0.99

00:03:59.000 And he's thinking about all these different things. 0.99

00:04:01.000 But one of those things could easily be your cell phone. 0.99

00:04:05.000 Your cell phone is cooking your balls. 0.99

00:04:07.000 Your laptop does that, too. 0.99

00:04:09.000 Yeah, well, that's heat, though.

00:04:10.000 Yeah, is this what you're talking about, heat or radiation?

00:04:12.000 No, it's the signal.

00:04:13.000 It's the megahertz.

00:04:14.000 It's the spectrum, the radio spectrum that is a cell phone.

00:04:18.000 That's a good question. 0.99

00:04:19.000 Apparently, having the receiver right next to your balls is, like, really bad for your balls. 0.99

00:04:25.000 Your balls are just battling this radiation. 0.98

00:04:27.000 Now, I just want to say, I've done no research other than read what he said. 0.98

00:04:32.000 So I haven't researched this online.

00:04:34.000 Yeah.

00:04:35.000 It's like the brain cancer.

00:04:37.000 It switches left and right every time.

00:04:38.000 Every time they say, oh no, cell phones give you brain cancer.

00:04:42.000 But they say it's true one day and then it's true not the other day. 0.99

00:04:44.000 I don't think, first of all, I don't think it has to give you brain damage to be fucking you up. 0.99

00:04:49.000 It could be fucking you up. 0.99

00:04:51.000 In subtle ways. 0.98

00:04:52.000 It's very possible.

00:04:53.000 It doesn't necessarily have to give you tumors.

00:04:55.000 But if the potential for giving you tumors is there, what does that mean?

00:04:59.000 That it either kills you or does nothing to you? 1.00

00:05:02.000 So either it turns your fucking head into a grapefruit, you know, and pineapples start growing off the side of your brain. 1.00

00:05:10.000 Or it does nothing. 1.00

00:05:11.000 That's ridiculous to me. 0.99

00:05:12.000 To me, that seems like we're being silly. 0.99

00:05:15.000 That's a silly way of looking at health. 0.99

00:05:18.000 It has no effect on you other than maybe kills your brain. 0.98

00:05:23.000 I just tweeted this thing in Virginia.

00:05:26.000 There's a part of Virginia that is a cell phone free zone because there's some kind of radio telescopes out there and they want to have the purest signal and they don't want any disruption.

00:05:36.000 So there's a name for these zones.

00:05:38.000 And there are these people who've been moving to this town.

00:05:41.000 I can't remember the name of it.

00:05:42.000 Green something, West Virginia.

00:05:44.000 It's on my last tweet.

00:05:45.000 But they've been moving to this town because they think that they're sensitive to cell phone frequencies and they break out in rashes.

00:05:54.000 And this article, it said that the UN has acknowledged that this...

00:05:59.000 Does exist.

00:06:00.000 This health problem does exist, but there's no proof that it's from cell phones.

00:06:04.000 But there are people who get really sick when they're in cell phone areas.

00:06:08.000 And I'm sure a lot of them are kooks.

00:06:11.000 But who knows? 0.92

00:06:14.000 Well, that's a good guess because a lot of everybody, whenever outrageous claims come up, you've got to think a certain percentage of them are kooks.

00:06:23.000 I don't think we've completely assessed the effects of all these wireless signals. 1.00

00:06:28.000 Yeah, think of that shit, man. 1.00

00:06:29.000 Think about the fucking megabytes of information pouring through the air at any second. 1.00

00:06:35.000 Right. 0.99

00:06:38.000 The information that can create the beautiful world of Warcraft is like flying around me at every second.

00:06:45.000 That can't be good for you.

00:06:47.000 That's so much information just blasting out of your modem at all times.

00:06:50.000 How is that not going to affect you in some way?

00:06:53.000 Yeah, even if you can't process the information rationally, is your brain still tuning into it?

00:06:58.000 Like all these wireless signals that are in our...

00:07:01.000 I mean, we never think about that because it really hasn't...

00:07:04.000 Wireless...

00:07:05.000 Like, full wireless like we have now with internet and radio signals where your cordless phones are on a certain frequency and then of course cell phones.

00:07:15.000 This is really kind of recent, right?

00:07:18.000 How many years has it been?

00:07:19.000 Slowly since the 80s, right?

00:07:21.000 Yeah, but even in the...

00:07:22.000 That's when it started?

00:07:22.000 I don't know when wireless routers started.

00:07:25.000 Much more recently.

00:07:26.000 Yeah.

00:07:26.000 Yeah, there were cell phones, but I bet the information that was coming through was less.

00:07:32.000 It had to have been, because fewer people had cell phones.

00:07:35.000 I remember the first time I got a computer that was wireless. 0.97

00:07:38.000 I was like, this is the craziest fucking thing I've ever seen in my life. 0.91

00:07:41.000 I'm nowhere near a wire, and I'm online. 0.98

00:07:45.000 Right. 0.99

00:07:45.000 And that's when you really start to think how crazy the fucking internet is. 0.99

00:07:49.000 That this thing that I can't see can fly through the air at ridiculous speeds. 0.99

00:07:55.000 Yeah.

00:07:55.000 And sits on my laptop and I get all the answers to anything.

00:07:58.000 It's basically, this is a magic box that lets me have every answer to everything that's ever been asked that human pings have answered.

00:08:06.000 But what's coming through the air?

00:08:07.000 Isn't it just a, is it like a sound that's telling your computer?

00:08:11.000 It's a signal.

00:08:11.000 It's a signal that's like ones and zeros, basically.

00:08:13.000 It's at a certain frequency, yeah.

00:08:14.000 It's like the old dial tone sound that used to dial in using a 56K modem, but quiet.

00:08:19.000 Yeah.

00:08:19.000 I believe that wireless internet was invented by Nikola Tesla, too.

00:08:24.000 I believe the concept of it came from his work.

00:08:26.000 Is that true?

00:08:27.000 You did that drunk Tesla. 1.00

00:08:28.000 Yeah.

00:08:29.000 Drunken moment.

00:08:30.000 And if you haven't seen this, folks, it is one...

00:08:31.000 I retweeted it just the other day.

00:08:33.000 I saw it.

00:08:33.000 It's one of my...

00:08:34.000 One of my favorite videos that I think is one of the funniest videos ever.

00:08:37.000 First of all, it's so informative.

00:08:39.000 It's really interesting.

00:08:41.000 A lot of people don't even know who Nikola Tesla is.

00:08:43.000 He was this amazing genius.

00:08:46.000 And one of my personal best examples of that I have a lot of theories about brilliant people.

00:08:53.000 And a lot of the brilliant people that I've met have been crazy.

00:08:56.000 There's something there.

00:08:58.000 They might not be 100% crazy.

00:09:00.000 Maybe it's only 10% crazy.

00:09:02.000 Maybe they're hanging on with 20% or 30% crazy.

00:09:05.000 I almost believe to be super, super brilliant at something like Tesla was, at that level, so far beyond everybody else, that almost you have to be tuned out.

00:09:17.000 You can't be balanced.

00:09:18.000 There's no way.

00:09:19.000 Remember when you were a kid and you would play make-believe with your friends?

00:09:23.000 Whatever that was that you did, like...

00:09:26.000 I don't know.

00:09:27.000 Cowboys and Indians. 0.55

00:09:28.000 I play with my daughter all the time.

00:09:29.000 So now imagine this.

00:09:32.000 Imagine that You had to play that game for the rest of your life.

00:09:36.000 Even though you knew you were playing with kids and you knew it was just this big kids game, maybe when people get super, super, super smart, they recognize that they're sort of trapped in this dimension where everybody's deeply engrossed in what amounts to a baby's game that they all think is very important.

00:09:53.000 They all think it's really serious, but you recognize, oh no, this isn't Even a 1% of what exists in the world.

00:10:02.000 This isn't even 1%. 1.00

00:10:04.000 These idiots are playing the game of, like, presidents and country and army and police officer and married person. 1.00

00:10:11.000 But it's just a game. 1.00

00:10:12.000 Maybe when you get really, really smart, you see that, and all of a sudden, you don't...

00:10:17.000 If you're not really smart, or if you're just one of us, you just normally play the game.

00:10:22.000 You don't even think about it.

00:10:23.000 You wake up, go to work, you just play the game.

00:10:25.000 But imagine if you knew this was a make-believe game. 0.98

00:10:27.000 So every day you woke up and you're like, well, gotta go play this absurd, silly game. 0.95

00:10:33.000 And you just knew it. 1.00

00:10:34.000 Then you'd start doing weird shit. 0.99

00:10:36.000 Because it'd be hard for you to just instinctually do all the different things that everyone does. 1.00

00:10:41.000 You'd start doing weird shit. 0.97

00:10:42.000 And people would be like, he's kind of off, isn't he? 0.99

00:10:45.000 He's a little off.

00:10:46.000 He doesn't shake hands.

00:10:47.000 I wonder why he doesn't shake hands.

00:10:50.000 What's shaking hands? 1.00

00:10:52.000 This is a stupid fuck. 1.00

00:10:53.000 I don't want to slap tentacles. 1.00

00:10:54.000 I'm sorry.

00:10:55.000 I don't feel like rubbing tentacles with you today.

00:10:58.000 You don't want to touch people.

00:10:59.000 You don't want to offer up your sword hand.

00:11:00.000 I feel disrespected.

00:11:02.000 You know, that's what it was.

00:11:03.000 You would offer up your sword hand.

00:11:04.000 That's right.

00:11:04.000 You couldn't kill each other at that moment.

00:11:07.000 I'm not going to stab you.

00:11:08.000 That's why in England they still drive on the left-hand side.

00:11:10.000 You know, we drive on the right-hand side.

00:11:12.000 They drive on the left because that was how you rode a horse and had your sword in your right hand. 0.99

00:11:16.000 So if some douchebags come in the other direction, you want to get them on your right side so you can sword his ass. 1.00

00:11:20.000 Jesus Christ. 1.00

00:11:22.000 That's why they drive on that side of the street.

00:11:24.000 I mean, it makes sense because, look, realistically, it was just a couple hundred years ago and people were riding horses everywhere.

00:11:30.000 Times were tough.

00:11:32.000 That's not that long ago, man.

00:11:33.000 I know.

00:11:33.000 It's amazing when you stop and think about that.

00:11:36.000 And Nikola Tesla is really one of the reasons why we're so fucking advanced.

00:11:40.000 If you look back at the inventions that this guy was responsible for and all the patents that this guy was responsible for, it's a brilliant thing. 0.94

00:11:48.000 And I don't remember hearing a fucking peep about him in high school.

00:11:52.000 Somebody told me about him when I was in college. 0.98

00:11:55.000 It wasn't even in a class.

00:11:57.000 Some dude was reading something about the guy and he looked interesting on the cover.

00:12:01.000 I think that's how I learned about Nikola Tesla.

00:12:04.000 But I mean, obviously I didn't take any science.

00:12:07.000 Yeah, I'm sure.

00:12:08.000 But you never hear about it.

00:12:10.000 You hear about Thomas Edison.

00:12:11.000 You hear about Benjamin Franklin.

00:12:13.000 The people that invented it.

00:12:14.000 Oh, he invented electricity. 1.00

00:12:16.000 He went a kite with a fucking key. 1.00

00:12:18.000 That's right. 1.00

00:12:18.000 No, Nikola Tesla was talking to aliens, bitch. 1.00

00:12:21.000 That guy was inventing everything and wound up dying like completely crazy. 1.00

00:12:27.000 Yeah.

00:12:28.000 At the end.

00:12:28.000 Yeah, well, yeah, he was, I mean, I feel like I'm quoting the drunk history, but he is essentially, he was in love with a white pigeon.

00:12:35.000 And he was wandering around New York.

00:12:37.000 And, you know, New York was lit up with his technology.

00:12:43.000 And he was just broke.

00:12:44.000 And it was all there because it came out of his mind.

00:12:47.000 You know what, I'll give you a weird little trivia fact.

00:12:49.000 Who stole money from him?

00:12:50.000 Was it Edison?

00:12:51.000 Well, no.

00:12:53.000 How did he die broke?

00:12:54.000 He died broke because he had some bad luck.

00:12:59.000 One of his main laboratories burnt down.

00:13:02.000 He had basically figured out in his mind a way to generate, I guess you'd consider it wireless electricity.

00:13:10.000 He had this idea that rather than having to have an engine generating the electricity, that I don't know, reality itself or every bit of reality had compressed within it enough energy to supply anything.

00:13:29.000 There's like energy all around us.

00:13:30.000 That was his idea.

00:13:30.000 We're just surrounded by energy and there's a way to tap into it.

00:13:34.000 There's a way to broadcast electricity like a radio.

00:13:37.000 Well, yeah, exactly.

00:13:40.000 Assuming that you didn't have to have a hydroelectric dam or oil or whatever to create energy, assuming that in every inch of the universe there was infinite energy, then every house would become a power plant.

00:13:56.000 It wouldn't all be based on wherever the main energy is coming from, the nuclear power plant or whatever.

00:14:01.000 It would be some sort of device that you could put in your house that could channel the energy.

00:14:07.000 So channel, but what are they calling that energy?

00:14:10.000 Is it just something we haven't figured out and discovered yet?

00:14:13.000 Right.

00:14:13.000 Something we haven't figured out.

00:14:15.000 So instead of the crude method of pulling oil out of the ground and lighting it on fire, there's another step.

00:14:21.000 Well, yeah.

00:14:23.000 It's obvious. 0.99

00:14:24.000 I mean, look at fucking the solar panels. 0.99

00:14:26.000 Right. 0.98

00:14:27.000 I mean, there's enough energy from the sun to keep every organic form.

00:14:33.000 They need to make that the law.

00:14:33.000 Why don't they just make that roofs?

00:14:35.000 In California, you have to have solar panels on your roof. 1.00

00:14:39.000 Well, fuck laws, man. 1.00

00:14:40.000 You don't need to make more laws. 1.00

00:14:41.000 The last thing we need is more people telling people what they have to spend their fucking money on. 0.88

00:14:45.000 But it's also expensive to make them and the amount of time it takes you to recoup, the amount it costs to install them and make them. 0.96

00:14:52.000 Right.

00:14:52.000 Right now, it's not financially a good deal.

00:14:55.000 But don't they give you tag backs or whatever they're called?

00:14:58.000 I don't know.

00:14:59.000 They give you money back?

00:14:59.000 I would think about doing it just to get off the grid.

00:15:02.000 When I lived in Colorado, I wanted to do that.

00:15:04.000 Tom, was Gia Sanas?

00:15:07.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:15:09.000 Fuck, I can't forget his name. 1.00

00:15:10.000 A friend of mine. 1.00

00:15:11.000 Anyway, he had a windmill set up at his house.

00:15:14.000 That's cool.

00:15:15.000 Yeah.

00:15:15.000 Those are awesome, man.

00:15:16.000 I love passing those fields of windmills.

00:15:19.000 It's so cool.

00:15:20.000 Yeah, he had a windmill set up at his house, and he was giving money back.

00:15:25.000 They would give him money, rather.

00:15:27.000 They were giving energy back to the grid, which is crazy.

00:15:29.000 He was making up his own energy.

00:15:30.000 That's cool.

00:15:30.000 You know, man, the thing I've been thinking lately is that we live in such a funny time because I guess people just don't...

00:15:39.000 Like, if you start saying things like, no, you know what, I have the feeling that there's actually another energy source out there that we haven't even stumbled upon yet that...

00:15:46.000 It has like a million times more energy than you could ever need. 0.98

00:15:50.000 If you say that now, people really will – you seem kind of like a fruit or a flake or an idiot or they're like, well, base it in science. 0.99

00:15:55.000 You don't know what that is or you don't know what you're talking about. 1.00

00:15:58.000 But there was a time when if you were just talking about electricity, you would have seen like an absolute lunatic. 0.98

00:16:05.000 Like if you went around in the, I don't know, 1200s and started telling people, listen, there's this fucking energy called electricity that's more powerful than fire. 0.97

00:16:15.000 You can use it to, you can run it through wires and if you touch it, you'll get electrocuted. 1.00

00:16:20.000 They'd be like, get this fucking witch on the stake! 1.00

00:16:23.000 What are you talking about, warlock? 1.00

00:16:25.000 We are going to harness lightning.

00:16:28.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:16:28.000 What are you talking about, Frankenstein?

00:16:30.000 What are you talking about?

00:16:32.000 So in the same way, man, I think that there's probably...

00:16:34.000 I've been thinking about such a...

00:16:36.000 I have this weird idea. 0.99

00:16:37.000 Do you remember when Frankenstein, when he made that fucking chick? 0.98

00:16:40.000 When they made Frankenstein and they actually had to get lightning to make him alive? 0.99

00:16:46.000 They had to hit the tower with lightning.

00:16:48.000 Wait, you mean they really did that?

00:16:51.000 One of them.

00:16:51.000 One of the movies.

00:16:52.000 I'm sorry.

00:16:52.000 Oh, the movie.

00:16:53.000 Back to the Future?

00:16:54.000 One of the Frankenstein movies.

00:16:56.000 Remember when they did that?

00:16:57.000 No, I know. 0.99

00:16:58.000 Frankenstein was fucking... 0.99

00:16:59.000 I know that, like, Frankenstein, whatever, like, had to have, like, a hit of lightning to bring the person to life. 0.99

00:17:05.000 That's right.

00:17:06.000 I'm sorry I interrupted you.

00:17:07.000 So go back to what you're saying.

00:17:08.000 Well, what I was thinking is, it's like, okay, so, like, what if...

00:17:14.000 This is something I so wish that you could do and you'll never be able to do it, but it would be so amazing to look at from the beginning of time to right now in a 20 second fast forward to see what that blur of happening looked like or the evolution.

00:17:27.000 It would be so fun to be able to see in a real way what evolution looked like from the evolution of a fucking I don't know, the evolution of a chicken into a, or a dinosaur into a chicken.

00:17:39.000 It'd be amazing to watch that thing happen really fast. 0.94

00:17:42.000 It'd be really cool.

00:17:43.000 But, so, like, okay, see, this is gonna sound crazy, and I'm sorry if it seems rambling and weird, because I haven't quite figured out how to articulate this idea, but, like, if you have, okay, you have fire.

00:17:53.000 Fire leaves Where there's been a fire, there's soot, there's ashes, black soot, whatever, from the carbons being released in the fire, right?

00:18:02.000 The carbon, rather.

00:18:03.000 So, in the same way, I was thinking, what if there's another form of energy that's raging through time, and this form of energy, instead of leaving ashes, leaves evolved things?

00:18:14.000 It's like the byproduct of the energy is that it causes things to evolve and advance and grow and become more sophisticated.

00:18:23.000 Maybe that energy, there's literally an energy associated with evolution.

00:18:28.000 There's an energy that you can tap into.

00:18:32.000 Which is why computers are so amazing is because they can really tap into that energy right away in the form of open source software and stuff like that.

00:18:41.000 And you see things that go open source or things that allow...

00:18:45.000 The most people to have the most input, so the most intelligent people having the input create the advance in whatever the thing is.

00:18:52.000 You know, the classic example of it, a silly example of it, is like Reddit, where someone will write something and then the top comment inevitably will be so fucking funny because hundreds and hundreds of people have voted it up to the top.

00:19:05.000 So it creates this evolved way of getting information to float up to the surface.

00:19:09.000 So in the same way, it's like...

00:19:11.000 That's brilliant. 0.99

00:19:11.000 It's fucking... 0.99

00:19:12.000 Yeah, so like... 0.99

00:19:14.000 It's brilliant.

00:19:14.000 It's awesome.

00:19:15.000 It's the way our government should work.

00:19:16.000 YouTube comments do that, too.

00:19:18.000 Don't they're the most favorited?

00:19:19.000 It goes up to the top.

00:19:20.000 So that's a form of tuning into this energy, this evolutionary force as it's manifesting in the form of the most...

00:19:30.000 The comment that is the strongest comment or the comment that works best in that particular zeitgeist or paradigm goes to the top. 0.99

00:19:39.000 That comment is the fucking animal that survives. 0.98

00:19:41.000 That comment's the animal that in its environment does the best and it's getting there through... 1.00

00:19:47.000 You know, people voting.

00:19:48.000 But what I'm saying is technology has, like, harnessed the evolutionary flow in that situation.

00:19:54.000 So I'm thinking, okay, maybe evolution itself is an energy. 1.00

00:19:57.000 What if you could fucking harness that shit? 1.00

00:19:59.000 Remember in Star Trek? 1.00

00:20:01.000 What was it called?

00:20:02.000 The Genesis Beam or whatever?

00:20:03.000 They blast the planet with a thing that makes the life grow out of it all of a sudden.

00:20:07.000 Wow, I don't remember that at all.

00:20:08.000 Was that the new Star Trek?

00:20:09.000 Reverse spoiler alert.

00:20:10.000 New Star Trek?

00:20:11.000 No, it's an old one.

00:20:12.000 Like old Captain Kirk?

00:20:13.000 No, I think it was the Wrath of Khan.

00:20:15.000 Oh, the Wrath of Khan.

00:20:16.000 Don't you remember The Wrath of Khan?

00:20:18.000 Ricardo Montalban. 1.00

00:20:18.000 Fuck yeah, with the ear mites. 1.00

00:20:21.000 I was like, how the fuck are you going to have the dude from Fantasy Island be the bad guy in a fucking Star Trek movie? 1.00

00:20:27.000 I think he did great. 1.00

00:20:28.000 Get out of here, bitch. 1.00

00:20:29.000 Yeah, he was great. 1.00

00:20:30.000 Oh, he was great.

00:20:30.000 I mean, he's a great actor, don't get me wrong.

00:20:32.000 But at the time, I was like, this is the dumbest shit I've ever heard of in my life. 0.99

00:20:36.000 And they're like, no, Ricardo Montalban is a very respected actor. 0.99

00:20:40.000 Yeah, he was, too. 0.99

00:20:41.000 Handsome bastard, man. 1.00

00:20:42.000 That handsome son of a bitch. 1.00

00:20:43.000 Watch what kind of pussy he got off of Fantasy Island. 1.00

00:20:46.000 Your fantasies can come true. 1.00

00:20:47.000 Didn't he just die?

00:20:48.000 Did he die? 1.00

00:20:49.000 I bet he overdosed from pussy. 1.00

00:20:51.000 I bet the line of chicks that wanted to fuck him in the 70s is probably still outside of his house. 1.00

00:20:58.000 They're just getting to him right now. 0.99

00:21:00.000 Because I have no time for all you girls. 0.99

00:21:03.000 Welcome to Fantasy Island.

00:21:04.000 He had his own midget. 0.88

00:21:06.000 He was the first guy on TV to have his own midget. 0.98

00:21:08.000 Yeah, and you know, have you ever seen the pilot?

00:21:10.000 No.

00:21:11.000 It's kind of creepy, man.

00:21:12.000 It's like diabolic.

00:21:13.000 Like that character, Rourke, that was his name, right?

00:21:16.000 Rourke was, in the pilot, it was almost like he was Satan or something.

00:21:20.000 Like he was some dark being.

00:21:22.000 Really?

00:21:23.000 Yeah, because, you know, in history, in occult history...

00:21:28.000 always have imps or familiars that's a common way to know that you're around like that's why you know like david lynch in twin peaks that spooky little fucking backwards talking midget you know the guy that table is for my god right um so like that's an occult symbol like it like witches would always have around them in lore they would always have like a cat you know some kind of creature and sometimes they'd have a little imp or a creature with them 0.53

00:21:56.000 so mantelban rorke's tattoo was his name It seemed like in the pilot they were thinking, let's make this like, let's make him a Faustian character where he's like, where he's not, you know, he's maybe not giving people exactly what they want.

00:22:11.000 Because remember, some people would want something and it'd fuck them up.

00:22:14.000 I don't know. 0.97

00:22:17.000 I don't know.

00:22:29.000 Apparently he had meningitis and he didn't know.

00:22:32.000 He just had a headache.

00:22:34.000 He knew something was wrong and he went to the doctor and I guess the line was ridiculous and he wound up just couldn't take it anymore and he left the doctor and he wound up dying. 1.00

00:22:41.000 Oh shit. 1.00

00:22:42.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:22:43.000 Get yourself checked out people.

00:22:45.000 It's not a bad thing to do.

00:22:47.000 Smart.

00:22:48.000 But the point is I'm pretty sure he was going to do Fantasy Island. 1.00

00:22:51.000 That was a fucking... 0.99

00:22:51.000 Great show. 0.99

00:22:52.000 What a great idea.

00:22:54.000 People have fantasies.

00:22:56.000 They fly in.

00:22:57.000 They get welcomed by this magic man. 1.00

00:22:59.000 And this magical island is going to make your dreams come true and teach you a little lesson, bitch. 1.00

00:23:03.000 They always taught you a nice little lesson and tucked you in quiet and then let you leave the island and you kind of get it now. 0.98

00:23:09.000 Wait, did everyone who came in on that plane leave on the plane?

00:23:12.000 Didn't some people not make it out?

00:23:14.000 They all die.

00:23:14.000 I think I've seen it once.

00:23:16.000 I don't know anything about that shit. 1.00

00:23:18.000 You can't have people die on your island, Ben. 1.00

00:23:20.000 You see what happens with Aruba. 1.00

00:23:23.000 There's always some fucking 19-year-old chick from Arizona or something like that. 1.00

00:23:27.000 It's just on a vacation. 0.99

00:23:30.000 Aruba's like where they turn up missing.

00:23:31.000 What's the one with the boat?

00:23:33.000 Scary.

00:23:33.000 What's the one with the boat?

00:23:35.000 Not Gilligan's Island, but the other one with the love boat.

00:23:37.000 I always got love boat in that show mixed up.

00:23:39.000 Oh, did people die in the love boat? 0.99

00:23:41.000 No fucking way. 0.99

00:23:41.000 Did they cross those shows ever? 0.99

00:23:43.000 I don't know.

00:23:44.000 Probably.

00:23:44.000 It seems like they did.

00:23:45.000 They should.

00:23:47.000 Like Love Boat Shipwrecks on Fantasy Island?

00:23:50.000 Right, something like that.

00:23:50.000 Didn't Gopher from the Love Boat become a politician?

00:23:53.000 He did, I believe.

00:23:55.000 Did he?

00:23:55.000 Yeah.

00:23:56.000 Yeah, I need to research that.

00:23:58.000 But I'm pretty sure he did.

00:24:00.000 I'm pretty sure he became a senator or something.

00:24:02.000 Politicians are...

00:24:03.000 I cannot wait until the day, and this day will never come, but the day when we have zoos, where politicians are placed in zoos, like antiquated things, like kids can come and look at them, like, behold...

00:24:16.000 Yeah, Fred Grandy, that's his name.

00:24:19.000 He was a politician.

00:24:20.000 He was a congressman.

00:24:22.000 He used to be Gopher.

00:24:23.000 Weirdos, man. 1.00

00:24:24.000 I wonder what kind of crazy shit they did back in those days. 1.00

00:24:27.000 Because back then, when they did shit, they could totally get away with everything. 1.00

00:24:31.000 You know, they just were complete freaks. 0.99

00:24:34.000 Like, remember that movie about the guy from Hogan's Heroes? 0.99

00:24:38.000 What the fuck's his name? 0.98

00:24:39.000 The main dude who wound up killing himself. 1.00

00:24:42.000 And...

00:24:43.000 You don't know the movie I'm talking about?

00:24:45.000 Nope.

00:24:45.000 It's a great movie.

00:24:47.000 Here, let me look it up real quick because it's really important.

00:24:49.000 It was the guy from Talk Soup.

00:24:51.000 John Henson?

00:24:53.000 No, no.

00:24:54.000 John Henson.

00:24:55.000 The gray patch.

00:24:56.000 Jay Leonard sideways.

00:24:59.000 No, the dude from Love Letter Movies.

00:25:02.000 Love Letter Movies.

00:25:04.000 What is his name?

00:25:05.000 Kissy Face Movies. 1.00

00:25:07.000 Fuck, I can't. 1.00

00:25:08.000 Autofocus, that's the movie. 1.00

00:25:09.000 Greg Kinnear.

00:25:09.000 Greg Kinnear, you got it.

00:25:10.000 Yeah, bam. 1.00

00:25:11.000 It's a great fucking movie. 0.99

00:25:13.000 They only got a 6.6 on the IMDb. 1.00

00:25:16.000 How dare you?

00:25:16.000 Dude, look at Nick Swartz's new movie.

00:25:17.000 I felt like it's an excellent movie.

00:25:19.000 I know, I didn't want to bring that up.

00:25:20.000 That's so crazy.

00:25:20.000 But this movie, Autofocus, if you haven't seen it, you must.

00:25:24.000 You must see it. 0.98

00:25:25.000 It's about this guy, whatever the fuck his name was, Bob Crane. 1.00

00:25:30.000 He was a sex fiend. 1.00

00:25:33.000 Oh yeah, I've seen it. 1.00

00:25:35.000 Off the chart sex fiend. 0.88

00:25:36.000 And he started out on the show A Married Guy and somehow or another he got so many girls from being on Hogan's Heroes that he just completely became out of control. 0.97

00:25:48.000 Didn't take care of his career, didn't take care of his family, just was just banging chicks and filming it all. 0.68

00:25:54.000 And they're stacked and he eventually wound up getting murdered and it was a very sordid thing because they believed that the guy who played the Willem Dafoe character was the one who killed him and they even I think they had that in the movie as well. 0.99

00:26:05.000 But either way, it's a great fucking movie. 0.97

00:26:06.000 Why'd he kill him? 1.00

00:26:08.000 They fucking hated each other. 1.00

00:26:09.000 They're boning together and shit. 1.00

00:26:10.000 They probably got jealous that Bob Crane was getting all the punana. 1.00

00:26:15.000 He used to sit in front of a television at a bar when he knew the show would be on.

00:26:23.000 his show was like long since canceled it would be on in reruns and he would be doing like local theater like at these towns and he would just bang all the local broads and film them all they were freaks back then they didn't have any Twitter they didn't have any TMZ you could just go off you didn't have to If something was on a VHS tape, I mean, who's going to see?

00:26:42.000 It wasn't even a VHS. It was like 18 millimeter, 8 millimeter, 16 millimeter, whatever the hell it is.

00:26:47.000 You know, those little reels.

00:26:48.000 You had to play it on a projection thing. 0.98

00:26:51.000 And he was like one of the first dudes to be on top of that shit, that technology of filming things. 0.99

00:26:58.000 Hey, did you see those naked pictures of that girl that were released? 1.00

00:27:00.000 That actress chick? 1.00

00:27:01.000 No.

00:27:02.000 What actress chick? 1.00

00:27:04.000 She has to be in a new movie soon because there's no way that that just happens to be released. 1.00

00:27:10.000 That's the big talk on the internet.

00:27:11.000 Let me see.

00:27:12.000 What's her name?

00:27:12.000 I don't know who that is, man.

00:27:14.000 What's her face?

00:27:15.000 I have no idea.

00:27:15.000 No, she's like super famous.

00:27:17.000 That girl's super famous? 1.00

00:27:18.000 Yeah, she's me...

00:27:20.000 Yo, I picked up the cover of one of those Us Weekly things, whatever it is.

00:27:24.000 One of those.

00:27:25.000 Inside something or another.

00:27:26.000 And I didn't know who any of the people on it were.

00:27:30.000 I literally knew who none of the celebrities were.

00:27:32.000 I don't know any celebrities on the way.

00:27:33.000 Scarlett Johansson.

00:27:34.000 And I was like, I think I've won.

00:27:36.000 I think I've won.

00:27:37.000 Yeah, it's good to not know celebrity names.

00:27:39.000 Like, in this one battle with gossip, I got free.

00:27:42.000 Because I had no attachment to any of them. 0.98

00:27:44.000 And it occurred to me, when I looked at the magazine, and I didn't have any attachment, I'd be like, God damn it, if there was a fucking, some Jennifer Aniston broken heart, because Gerard Butler, you know, fucking did her wrong, I'd be like, oh wow, what'd that guy do? 0.98

00:28:00.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:28:01.000 I'd have to go and read it.

00:28:02.000 I would have to go read it.

00:28:03.000 I'm invested in that storyline. 0.94

00:28:05.000 But there was some guy on from The Bachelorette and some girl on from fucking Orange County Wives or something like that. 0.97

00:28:13.000 I didn't know who anybody was. 0.81

00:28:14.000 I was like, this is great.

00:28:16.000 And they had a couple little teeny boppers.

00:28:19.000 Joey breaks up with Demi, wants her back.

00:28:21.000 I'm like... 1.00

00:28:22.000 I don't know who the fuck they are either. 0.99

00:28:23.000 And it occurred to me while I didn't have any idea who any of these people were, how freeing that was. 1.00

00:28:29.000 Because it is like a little goddamn drug. 0.98

00:28:32.000 If there's some fucking crazy story about someone who you know their storyline, like Tiger Woods. 1.00

00:28:38.000 You know, Tiger Woods, you know, man resurfaces. 0.99

00:28:42.000 You know, Tiger Woods apparently was bisexual.

00:28:45.000 And that was on the cover of Us Weekly. 1.00

00:28:47.000 That would be like a goddamn tractor beam. 0.99

00:28:50.000 You wouldn't be able to avoid it. 0.99

00:28:52.000 If I sent you a link and it was photos of Tiger Woods kissing a man, you are so goddamn connected to that storyline. 0.67

00:28:59.000 It would be impossible to get you to not click that link. 0.83

00:29:02.000 Well, if you had the photograph, you'd be a millionaire.

00:29:04.000 If you had that photograph and you put that online, I guarantee you it would be like 100% click through.

00:29:10.000 Like if you send people it and they know they have this link and they click this link and they see Tiger Woods kicking that dude, click.

00:29:16.000 It would be like 100%.

00:29:18.000 Like no one's going to go, who cares?

00:29:21.000 Yeah, they're gonna see.

00:29:21.000 People are invested in that storyline because it's such a charged one.

00:29:26.000 Such a big scandal.

00:29:28.000 Very unattractive guy.

00:29:29.000 Beautiful wife. 0.99

00:29:31.000 Guy super, super fucking successful. 0.99

00:29:34.000 Like ridiculously rich. 0.98

00:29:35.000 The greatest golfer perhaps ever. 1.00

00:29:37.000 And just fucks everyone. 0.97

00:29:40.000 It just fucks everyone. 0.97

00:29:42.000 So it's so highly charged that if something else happened to it, it's like, well, I'm already invested in this Tiger Woods story. 0.98

00:29:47.000 I can't believe he's kissing guys.

00:29:50.000 I would be drawn to it.

00:29:52.000 But all these people, one of them was, I don't know any of them.

00:29:55.000 I don't know any of these people.

00:29:56.000 One was on America's Got Talent or something. 0.99

00:29:58.000 I don't know who the fuck any of them were. 0.98

00:30:00.000 I was like, this is awesome. 1.00

00:30:01.000 I could walk away.

00:30:02.000 I don't have to read it.

00:30:03.000 I don't have to open it up.

00:30:04.000 It's gravity, man. 1.00

00:30:05.000 That shit's got gravity. 1.00

00:30:07.000 It's got attention gravity. 1.00

00:30:08.000 Some stuff in the world does the same thing to your attention that the planet does to satellites.

00:30:16.000 It'll grab your attention and suddenly you're circling this weird temporary vortex in the subject of reality, the planet, with your attention. 1.00

00:30:25.000 It's so stupid. 1.00

00:30:27.000 There's so many things that have that example. 1.00

00:30:28.000 Football, any sports, it's the exact same attention gravity.

00:30:33.000 Video games, attention gravity.

00:30:35.000 Girls, attention gravity. 1.00

00:30:37.000 It's all different gravitational fields that will, depending on what person you're like, you're going to get your attention sucked into this certain thing.

00:30:45.000 And once it gets sucked in deep enough, you're not thinking about anything else.

00:30:50.000 You know that thing when everything shuts down except for whatever the silly thing is?

00:30:55.000 Like when you're locked into a video game.

00:30:56.000 Yes, that's it.

00:30:57.000 You will negate yourself if you get sucked deep enough into a video game.

00:31:01.000 Complete introversion.

00:31:02.000 Do you think that it's like a hijacking of our natural reward system by this new creation?

00:31:07.000 Absolutely.

00:31:08.000 It is what it is, right?

00:31:09.000 Totally.

00:31:09.000 It's because I've always said that we're sort of set up to imitate successful behavior, right?

00:31:14.000 But I don't think we can differentiate 100%.

00:31:17.000 You know how we can't differentiate between a placebo and an actual drug in certain situations?

00:31:24.000 Even if the person knows that something is a placebo, they show marked effects.

00:31:29.000 You know, if they're concentrating on this actually having some sort of an effect, it shows some sort of effects.

00:31:36.000 Oh yeah, totally, I read that.

00:31:37.000 Placebo, I know, I don't understand that, but I get it.

00:31:41.000 Placebo effect's amazing.

00:31:43.000 That's why people have different rituals they do.

00:31:45.000 What was my point?

00:31:46.000 I had a point.

00:31:46.000 Couldn't you get the same effect, though, from you?

00:31:47.000 Hold on.

00:31:48.000 What were we just talking about?

00:31:49.000 We're talking about attention vampires.

00:31:52.000 We're talking about the forces of nature that grab your attention.

00:31:54.000 And you were saying, is that based on a reward system?

00:31:57.000 Is that hijacking the reward system that nature...

00:32:01.000 Okay, that's what I meant.

00:32:02.000 What I meant by that is that we've created something with big events.

00:32:08.000 Anything that you see in your life that's memorable, they're very shocking and engaging because you need to learn from this situation.

00:32:15.000 If you come over a hill and you stumble upon a bunch of barbarians slaughtering a village with axes... 0.99

00:32:21.000 This is supposed to shock the fucking shit out of you. 0.99

00:32:24.000 You're supposed to be aware that this is all possible. 1.00

00:32:28.000 This is like, oh my god, you could be dying right now.

00:32:30.000 You need to learn from this.

00:32:32.000 But when we recreate that in some sort of a crazy imaginary flat one-dimensional or two-dimensional image with sound that comes from all around you...

00:32:46.000 I don't know if your brain 100% can differentiate that from reality any more than a placebo has an effect on a person.

00:32:55.000 I wonder.

00:32:56.000 You know what it is, dude?

00:32:58.000 Sorry to cut you off.

00:32:59.000 It's okay.

00:32:59.000 When you take your cat and you have one of those, I don't know, any cat toy, watch what it does to your cat's attention.

00:33:07.000 Your cat goes from, like, if your cat gets into it enough, it stops being a toy, and now the cat obviously thinks it's attacking a bird.

00:33:14.000 It's into it.

00:33:15.000 It's in nature again, and it's stalking its prey, and its attention is totally sucked into that cat toy.

00:33:20.000 That's what video games are for the human nervous system.

00:33:24.000 They're like human cat toys. 1.00

00:33:26.000 You're playing this fucking cat toy. 1.00

00:33:28.000 Your attention's sucked into it. 1.00

00:33:30.000 And, like, you know people when they portray aliens coming down?

00:33:34.000 They're gonna use laser guns to subdue us. 1.00

00:33:36.000 Fuck that. 1.00

00:33:37.000 They're just going to like, some super advanced being would just analyze our nervous system and just like, hypnotize us. 1.00

00:33:44.000 That's what it would do.

00:33:45.000 Well, we're assuming that life is going to be hard. 0.98

00:33:49.000 We're assuming that life isn't going to be like a fucking Wi-Fi frequency. 0.90

00:33:54.000 Just because we are physical and we are hard and we touch things and move them and manipulate matter doesn't mean all life has to do that. 0.93

00:34:04.000 We know that bacteria doesn't do that. 0.96

00:34:06.000 We can't even fucking see it. 0.95

00:34:07.000 We need some crazy lens that magnifies our normal reality down to the point where it's supposed to be completely invisible to us. 0.99

00:34:14.000 We're not supposed to be able to see it.

00:34:17.000 But yeah, we can find it.

00:34:18.000 And we can find that there's some life there.

00:34:20.000 There's something there.

00:34:22.000 Intelligent life might be ideas.

00:34:24.000 Intelligent life might be creativity. 0.94

00:34:26.000 What creativity might be is when you just relax the fuck enough to listen to this intelligent life that's all around you, that's trying to... 0.97

00:34:39.000 where you're going to manipulate matter to the point where you punch a fucking hole through space and time, and the idea of tangible objects no longer exists. 0.98

00:34:48.000 Right. 0.97

00:34:49.000 Like, that's the destiny.

00:34:51.000 That's your reason for your curiosity.

00:34:54.000 That's the reason why you've created music and motivation and cocaine. 0.96

00:34:58.000 You're supposed to be pushing towards this inevitable goal of creating some sort of a fucking opening where this thing changes into the next thing. 0.92

00:35:07.000 You know what that made me just think of? 0.95

00:35:08.000 Like, imagine, you know when those miners got stuck in the mine?

00:35:11.000 Yeah.

00:35:12.000 Imagine if when they got stuck in the mine, some kind of fume came out that gave them complete amnesia And so they completely lost their identities and couldn't even speak any language anymore. 0.99

00:35:24.000 And so they thought that that's where they were born as this stupid mine. 0.98

00:35:29.000 And imagine the people outside the mine would first have to teach them English. 1.00

00:35:34.000 Teach them a language.

00:35:35.000 Teach them who they were.

00:35:37.000 Give them all this information first before they can get trapped out of, you know, escape from the mind.

00:35:41.000 So in the same way, maybe this whole dimension is some kind of cave-in.

00:35:45.000 And on the other side of it, there's like super advanced beings that are trying to teach us like, hey, wake up!

00:35:51.000 You know, try this, try this, try this.

00:35:53.000 You have to get smarter before they... 0.98

00:35:54.000 Because like, if you can't tell someone in the 1800s about electricity, you sure as fuck can't tell them about the multiverse. 0.98

00:36:01.000 Yeah. 0.96

00:36:01.000 This is going to sound totally crazy. 0.96

00:36:03.000 But what if people are to ideas what...

00:36:09.000 Reconditioned laptops are to people.

00:36:12.000 And that when you get a reconditioned laptop, you got a laptop that's all this hard drive, all this space and operating system, and then you swipe all the data at and just give it to someone to add their own stuff to.

00:36:24.000 Completely clean.

00:36:26.000 But has this past.

00:36:29.000 And that is what a human is.

00:36:32.000 You come into this life, you press a reset button.

00:36:36.000 What is that?

00:36:38.000 It's kind of like Carlos Mencia.

00:36:39.000 I don't get it.

00:36:40.000 Yeah, neither do I. I was talking about that tweet out of nowhere.

00:36:46.000 What tweet?

00:36:47.000 Chris Hardwick's tweet. 0.99

00:36:49.000 Oh, god damn, dude. 0.99

00:36:51.000 You lost me totally. 0.99

00:36:52.000 Yeah, Chris Hardwick and Brian and I had a conversation about Stitcher.

00:36:56.000 I think other people see podcasting differently than we do, though.

00:37:01.000 You know, there's a lot of people that are trying to monetize their podcast.

00:37:04.000 And, you know...

00:37:06.000 When you're in the top five or top ten, he was breaking down 3,000 listeners an episode on Stitcher.

00:37:14.000 3,000 is how many people listen on Stitcher.

00:37:18.000 He's in the top four of Comedy iTunes rankings.

00:37:22.000 I know the numbers just because we did this show.

00:37:25.000 I'm not going to say the numbers, but I'm just going to say...

00:37:27.000 3,000 is not going to affect anything in the top five.

00:37:31.000 Well, it really depends on what you're doing.

00:37:33.000 Some people are actually selling their iTunes podcasts, and they're building up towards the point where they're going to sell them.

00:37:41.000 Well, that's different.

00:37:42.000 It's not, though.

00:37:43.000 Okay, but some people have advertising that's based on their iTunes ranking.

00:37:47.000 It could be based on how many hits you get on iTunes.

00:37:50.000 And in that sense, he's absolutely right. 0.55

00:37:52.000 Because in that sense, if he doesn't want to shit on Stitcher, and I believe they pulled it off, he's absolutely right because he gets paid by iTunes.

00:38:01.000 What he should be able to do is go to the company that's sponsoring him and say, well, here's another application called Stitcher. 0.84

00:38:06.000 It's very easy to track.

00:38:07.000 Why can't we work that into it?

00:38:09.000 Let's say I get X amount per thousand downloads on iTunes, and then a percentage of the downloads on Stitcher.

00:38:19.000 It seems to me that if it's trackable, you should still be able to run the ads on it.

00:38:23.000 As far as I know, they don't do any editing of your show.

00:38:26.000 They don't do any editing.

00:38:27.000 The only thing it is, it's a banner on the app, which is about 1 twelfth Of the app.

00:38:33.000 Right.

00:38:33.000 And it's like from Chris Hardwick's numbers that he did in a blog post.

00:38:37.000 I can't remember the exact number.

00:38:38.000 I want to say it was 800...

00:38:41.000 Every 800 views of that teeny banner on that app, he gets a dollar, which sucks, but knowing what Google AdSense pays for views of an ad, it's not far off.

00:38:51.000 Well, you know, listen, man, he's got his own thing.

00:38:53.000 He likes doing it a certain way, and he should be able to.

00:38:56.000 It's his product.

00:38:57.000 I'm agreeing with Chris Hardwick 100%.

00:38:59.000 100%.

00:39:00.000 But for us, we have a totally different take on Stitcher because the podcast is, first of all, we started off with, it wasn't supposed to be a job.

00:39:08.000 It was a goof.

00:39:09.000 It was just me and Brian having fun.

00:39:11.000 I wanted to do it to just do something.

00:39:14.000 I thought it would be fun to just do it and do it on a regular basis.

00:39:17.000 The podcast is...

00:39:17.000 And people like things that are free.

00:39:19.000 It's good. 0.99

00:39:20.000 It's good to give people free shit. 0.99

00:39:21.000 I think it's in the spirit of things. 0.99

00:39:23.000 You know, it shows that the entertainment that you're trying to provide, you're really trying to provide it for the sake of it.

00:39:28.000 If you don't, you know what I'm saying?

00:39:30.000 If you don't have any ulterior motives, you're just doing it for the sake of it.

00:39:33.000 You're trying to make it good.

00:39:34.000 You're trying to make it fun.

00:39:35.000 People respond to that, and they like it.

00:39:37.000 And they'll support you in other ways.

00:39:39.000 They'll come see your comedy show.

00:39:41.000 They'll...

00:39:41.000 You know what, man?

00:39:43.000 I disagree with that.

00:39:44.000 I think it's awesome to give free content, but I also think it's fine to charge for it.

00:39:49.000 No, no, no.

00:39:49.000 You misinterpreting me.

00:39:50.000 I do not think there's anything wrong with charging it.

00:39:52.000 I just don't need to.

00:39:53.000 So since I don't need to, I make it free.

00:39:55.000 It's that simple.

00:39:56.000 If I needed to, like in your case, I know that you charge occasionally for podcasts.

00:40:00.000 Well, we do an extra episode a week and charge a buck.

00:40:03.000 Right.

00:40:03.000 And this has been a source of controversy.

00:40:05.000 And some fucking dummy on my message board wrote some whole thing about how he's upset at you because you charge for a podcast and he'll never fucking pay. 0.98

00:40:14.000 Listen, no one is telling you you have to pay. 0.99

00:40:17.000 And in fact, Duncan is actually giving you something for free still.

00:40:20.000 He does an extra one a week.

00:40:21.000 And in the extra one, he wants to see if he can make some money.

00:40:24.000 Right.

00:40:25.000 That's so funny. 0.98

00:40:26.000 People are gross, man. 0.99

00:40:27.000 And people are gross. 0.99

00:40:28.000 But I think it's – I know it's – that's what I thought originally.

00:40:32.000 But then when I started thinking about it more, I realized that it uncovers this certain layer of conditioning that exists in people. 0.99

00:40:38.000 Because like when you go to the ATM and the ATM asks you for two bucks or whatever to get cash out because you're not at your bank – You're just like, ah, fuck it. 0.99

00:40:47.000 I'll do it. 0.97

00:40:48.000 When you're at the gas station and it's like 35 cents convenience fee. 0.99

00:40:52.000 I don't even know what that fucking means. 0.98

00:40:53.000 But I'll pay it. 0.99

00:40:55.000 But the moment artists start saying, hey, I'd like to make money for the stuff I'm making, people are like, what the fuck? 1.00

00:41:03.000 Fuck! 1.00

00:41:03.000 You're going to charge for that shit? 1.00

00:41:06.000 Once they're getting it for free, you mean. 1.00

00:41:08.000 Once they're getting it for free.

00:41:09.000 If you start charging from the beginning, people have no problem with continuing to pay for things.

00:41:13.000 It's once they start getting it for free.

00:41:15.000 Well, that's why we added an extra episode.

00:41:17.000 And the experiment totally worked, and it made me think...

00:41:21.000 You know, this is a model, maybe this is a new model that other people can use.

00:41:25.000 It's like, instead of pulling the rug out from people's feet and saying, you're paying now, I'm charging for everything, you always offer some free thing for people to enjoy, and then you add one extra thing to it so people are really into it and don't mind paying.

00:41:40.000 Most people send us emails saying they like supporting the show.

00:41:44.000 They like it.

00:41:44.000 Most people do.

00:41:45.000 The reason why people get upset is the reason why people...

00:41:48.000 There's people that find something anywhere to get angry at.

00:41:52.000 And it's because they're looking for it.

00:41:54.000 They're looking for something to piss them off.

00:41:57.000 And if you're angry at some guy whose podcast you like because he would like a dollar for an hour and a half's worth of him talking...

00:42:06.000 I understand if you don't have a buck.

00:42:08.000 Look, I've been there before, man.

00:42:09.000 I've been to points in my life where I rolled pennies so I'd have something to eat for dinner.

00:42:13.000 I understand poverty.

00:42:15.000 I've been there for a long time.

00:42:17.000 I totally get that. 0.94

00:42:18.000 You don't have to buy it, but you don't have to be fucking mad that he's selling it.

00:42:21.000 Especially when someone's giving you something for free. 0.98

00:42:23.000 And also, by the way, how about you email me and ask for the fucking MP3? There's like a 99% chance I probably would have just sent it to you. 0.97

00:42:31.000 Okay, you just fucked up and said on the internet... 0.99

00:42:34.000 That was the one time I would have done it! 0.99

00:42:36.000 Respond to emails.

00:42:36.000 I'll never do it again.

00:42:37.000 Listen, you're going to be trolled, son.

00:42:39.000 Okay, well, whatever. 0.88

00:42:40.000 You're going to be trolled by a hot chick right now. 1.00

00:42:42.000 That'll be terrible.

00:42:42.000 But it's really a dude.

00:42:43.000 That will be terrible.

00:42:44.000 Yeah, that's what's the next step.

00:42:45.000 I shouldn't have said that.

00:42:46.000 Whatever. 1.00

00:42:46.000 You fucked up. 1.00

00:42:47.000 You opened up the gates. 1.00

00:42:48.000 You challenged your fucking system. 1.00

00:42:49.000 Fine. 1.00

00:42:50.000 You challenged the hackers of the world right there.

00:42:52.000 To what?

00:42:53.000 To a duel.

00:42:53.000 I do not challenge.

00:42:54.000 To a mentor duel.

00:42:55.000 Why are you making fun of Anonymous for?

00:42:57.000 You said you would...

00:42:58.000 I love Anonymous!

00:42:59.000 You said you would respond to email.

00:43:00.000 You saying you respond to emails is like opening up the gates to hell. 1.00

00:43:04.000 Sure, then someone's gonna go, okay, how do I get this motherfucker to look stupid? 1.00

00:43:08.000 Oh, no. 1.00

00:43:09.000 You're making fun of Netscape, bro?

00:43:11.000 Now I'm paranoid.

00:43:12.000 Now I've got to exist in a Philip K. Dick universe with being terrified of people who email me.

00:43:17.000 You know what? 0.99

00:43:18.000 By the way, people already know I respond to shit because I talk to people on Facebook. 0.98

00:43:23.000 You do, on occasion, get some emails from people that it really seems like these are cops. 0.99

00:43:29.000 You know what I mean?

00:43:30.000 Oh, sure.

00:43:31.000 I got an email from somebody who's like...

00:43:33.000 Hi, me and my buds were thinking of taking some magic mushrooms and were wondering if you could tell us where to get them or could send us some in the mail.

00:43:42.000 But it was like the slang they were using was like...

00:43:45.000 Completely off.

00:43:46.000 My buds.

00:43:47.000 Buds.

00:43:48.000 Yeah, it was like weird off. 0.98

00:43:51.000 Worst fake hippie ever. 0.90

00:43:52.000 Even if it was serious, I'm going to be like, oh sure, let me just mail you an illegal substance. 0.97

00:43:57.000 That is really hilarious.

00:43:59.000 Yeah, it's very spooky.

00:44:01.000 I had a guy who wanted to get DMT from me in Cleveland and I knew he was a cop. 0.99

00:44:05.000 Because first of all, who the fuck is asking me for DMT? Cleveland. 0.99

00:44:08.000 And I'm in Cleveland, and this guy has a crew cut.

00:44:12.000 He's looking at me, and I'm like, this guy isn't drunk, he's not high, and I'm assessing the dude.

00:44:17.000 I'm looking at this guy, and I'm like, this guy seems like he's had some self-defense training.

00:44:21.000 It seems like he's a confident man.

00:44:23.000 It seems like he's got some weird...

00:44:28.000 Feeling of authority about him.

00:44:30.000 I was like, he's almost like he expects authority.

00:44:33.000 He expects you to... 1.00

00:44:34.000 This guy was such an obvious cunt. 1.00

00:44:36.000 It was ridiculous. 1.00

00:44:36.000 Because a bad cop, or at least a dumb cop, they get a feeling of entitlement around people. 1.00

00:44:42.000 You know, a dumb one. 1.00

00:44:43.000 I've seen it a bunch of times. 1.00

00:44:44.000 And I'm a big supporter of cops.

00:44:46.000 And I always say that 99% of cops are just trying to do a good job. 0.99

00:44:50.000 It's the 1% of cunts that fuck it up for everybody else. 0.99

00:44:53.000 You know, they run a pretty fucking tight ship in most police forces. 1.00

00:44:56.000 Sure. 0.98

00:44:57.000 But this guy just eked a cop.

00:44:59.000 I was like, what are you talking about, man?

00:45:00.000 And he goes, come on, man.

00:45:02.000 DMT. He's looking at me, and I'm looking at him.

00:45:05.000 We're making eye contact. 1.00

00:45:06.000 I'm like, motherfucker, the last thing you want is DMT. You're not looking for DMT, you fucking weirdo. 1.00

00:45:11.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:45:12.000 Like you carried her out.

00:45:13.000 We had the weirdest stare-off, man.

00:45:16.000 It was so strange. 1.00

00:45:18.000 It was so strange, because he was totally full of shit. 1.00

00:45:20.000 There was no way this guy was looking at Tripp. 1.00

00:45:22.000 He wasn't looking at Tripp. 0.99

00:45:23.000 He was looking at fucking arrest me. 0.98

00:45:24.000 You know that marijuana thing that John Heffron gave you? 0.99

00:45:28.000 Yeah.

00:45:28.000 Ever since that show, every day, this guy writes me and he adds an extra $100.

00:45:34.000 He goes, $100 donation if you send me one of those marijuana sticks.

00:45:38.000 $200 donation.

00:45:39.000 He's done it every day.

00:45:40.000 I think I'm up to $500.

00:45:41.000 You think that's a... 1.00

00:45:42.000 You should tell him to suck your cock on video. 1.00

00:45:44.000 You should tell him to do an internet search. 1.00

00:45:46.000 That's why I traced it.

00:45:47.000 Tell him about Google.

00:45:48.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:45:49.000 Well, you can't get that shit on Google. 1.00

00:45:50.000 You can't get a vaporized... 1.00

00:45:52.000 Oh, really?

00:45:52.000 Yeah.

00:45:53.000 Yeah, those...

00:45:53.000 These are California only.

00:45:54.000 I'm really bored now.

00:45:55.000 Oh, I see.

00:45:56.000 I didn't know that.

00:45:56.000 Or maybe...

00:45:57.000 Probably Colorado's rocking it, too.

00:45:58.000 Did you hear they're thinking about closing the post office?

00:46:01.000 Yeah, man, I'm tired of getting mail.

00:46:02.000 Yeah, me too. 0.88

00:46:03.000 How about we make it so that, just like our ancestors, we get to the point where nothing we have is traceable once the big bang happens and a fucking rock hits the planet and all our hardware corrodes. 0.82

00:46:15.000 We have nothing solid written anywhere. 0.65

00:46:17.000 How about no post office and only quarters?

00:46:20.000 What do you mean only quarters?

00:46:21.000 Dollar bills and stuff like that.

00:46:23.000 Paper money, but only quarters.

00:46:24.000 No pennies, nickels, and dollars?

00:46:26.000 Everything rounds to a quarter.

00:46:29.000 Wouldn't that be a good idea?

00:46:31.000 Oh, Jesus, dude.

00:46:33.000 Everything in quarters?

00:46:34.000 That seems annoying.

00:46:35.000 That seems like a nice excuse for them to raise taxes so that everything rounds off to a quarter.

00:46:41.000 No matter what, it rounds off to the next quarter.

00:46:43.000 It always raises high and all that goes to the government.

00:46:46.000 That's not a good move.

00:46:48.000 What are you doing? 1.00

00:46:48.000 Want to give those fuckheads more money? 1.00

00:46:49.000 Have you been watching these Republican debates? 1.00

00:46:51.000 Yeah.

00:46:52.000 They're awesome.

00:46:52.000 Did you see the one where they were talking about the guy dying because he didn't have any money?

00:46:55.000 Yeah.

00:46:55.000 He didn't have any insurance?

00:46:56.000 Yeah.

00:46:57.000 She died and the audience was cheering.

00:46:59.000 Yeah!

00:47:00.000 Tell me about that.

00:47:01.000 What is that?

00:47:02.000 Well, I'll tell you what it is.

00:47:03.000 The Tea Party is hilarious. 1.00

00:47:04.000 Because the moment you climb out of the pussy, it's open game. 1.00

00:47:09.000 But when you're in there, no one can touch you. 1.00

00:47:11.000 They're all anti-abortion, but the moment you're born, they're like, let him die.

00:47:15.000 You could have a baby that pops out and doesn't have insurance inside the fetus if the woman wanted to get inside the womb if the woman wanted an abortion. 1.00

00:47:24.000 The Tea Party would be like, no, it's evil.

00:47:26.000 The moment that baby comes out, if it doesn't have insurance... 1.00

00:47:29.000 Tea Party's like, let it die! 1.00

00:47:31.000 Let it die! 1.00

00:47:32.000 Mama didn't have insurance! 1.00

00:47:33.000 Let it die! 0.97

00:47:34.000 I don't think they feel that way about babies. 0.99

00:47:36.000 I think they feel that way about grown-ups.

00:47:38.000 Grown-ups only.

00:47:39.000 Once you're a grown-up, you're on your own.

00:47:41.000 Grown-ups are just mutated babies.

00:47:42.000 Well, they're babies that grew up.

00:47:44.000 But I don't think they're anti-baby.

00:47:46.000 I think they're just...

00:47:47.000 When you get to a certain point, you're supposed to take personal responsibility. 0.97

00:47:50.000 I think the way they're going about it is pretty silly.

00:47:53.000 The idea should be that you should have a sense of community that is... 0.58

00:47:59.000 Sure. 0.97

00:48:02.000 Our real problem is that there's too many fucking people and that you cannot have communities of 20 million people because you're going to get a diffusion of responsibility. 0.99

00:48:11.000 You're going to get a situation where there's too many fucking people and they're not going to care about one life here or one life there or one person here or one person there. 0.99

00:48:20.000 They don't have to. 0.98

00:48:21.000 But if you lived in a village of 50 people, everyone would have to care about everyone.

00:48:25.000 And that's how we're supposed to live.

00:48:27.000 We're supposed to live like in the movie Little Red Riding Hood where there's a girl with the bug eyes.

00:48:31.000 It's really hot.

00:48:32.000 What's that chick? 1.00

00:48:33.000 She's blonde. 1.00

00:48:35.000 Who cares?

00:48:36.000 I don't care.

00:48:36.000 She's very hot.

00:48:37.000 She's in a lot of movies. 0.71

00:48:38.000 And she was in Little Red Riding Hood. 0.98

00:48:40.000 And they played this little village where there was a werewolf that came and was fucking everybody up.

00:48:44.000 I have to see all werewolf movies across.

00:48:46.000 Even Little Red Riding Hood.

00:48:48.000 But she lives in this little village.

00:48:50.000 And as I was watching, all these people sort of prepare their town and stockpile everything and prepare for this werewolf.

00:48:59.000 I was like, this is how people really are supposed to live.

00:49:02.000 They're supposed to live in small communities that are worried about outsiders.

00:49:07.000 That's how they're supposed to live.

00:49:08.000 It's supposed to be everybody that you know in this little area is your friend.

00:49:13.000 You're all cool.

00:49:14.000 You're cool together.

00:49:14.000 You work together.

00:49:15.000 You eat together.

00:49:16.000 You hunt together.

00:49:17.000 You cook together.

00:49:18.000 Everyone is in this little group.

00:49:20.000 The people that you don't know that come over the hill, those are the ones you have to worry about.

00:49:24.000 I don't think people are supposed to live in any particular way.

00:49:27.000 I think that's what adaptation's all about.

00:49:31.000 Sure.

00:49:32.000 So I think that now the real problem isn't that people are sucking the system dry.

00:49:39.000 The real problem is really quite clear.

00:49:42.000 It just seems like it's right in front of everyone.

00:49:44.000 Diabetes.

00:49:44.000 It's that 2% of the people on the planet have all the wealth.

00:49:49.000 That's the problem.

00:49:51.000 That is part of the problem.

00:49:53.000 But the other part of the problem is that the biological evolution, the evolution of the animal, the human animal itself, to adapt to this system of this community being intensely Like, incredibly larger than it used to be.

00:50:11.000 Yeah.

00:50:11.000 That our DNA and the way we think and behave, it's based on communities.

00:50:18.000 And when all of a sudden the community is some abstract number that you can't even wrap your head around.

00:50:24.000 A community of 300 million people.

00:50:26.000 Really?

00:50:27.000 Yeah. 0.92

00:50:27.000 Well, that's the only reason why we can accept states and, you know, if we just had one giant state, it would be so completely ridiculous. 0.92

00:50:34.000 You know, it would seem so strange.

00:50:37.000 You You mean like the New World Order or like a global... 0.79

00:50:40.000 No, I mean the idea of a giant community of a bunch of people you don't even fucking know in a number that's so large you can't wrap your head around. 0.74

00:50:48.000 We don't know what 300 million means.

00:50:49.000 300 million is just some numbers on a piece of paper.

00:50:52.000 No one's brain registers what 300 million people is.

00:50:55.000 But that's the community that we're involved in.

00:50:57.000 Somehow or another, the world has grown to the point where 300 million people plus the whole rest of the world is constantly communicating at the exact same time, which is something the biological body of today is absolutely not ready for. 0.70

00:51:12.000 So all of our checks and balances and natural reward systems are completely fucking hijacked. 0.97

00:51:18.000 Just like they're hijacked with movies that fucking trick us. 0.98

00:51:22.000 Just like they're hijacked with placebos. 1.00

00:51:24.000 The whole system is hijacked.

00:51:27.000 And we just have not caught up to how much life has changed.

00:51:30.000 It's not catching up.

00:51:32.000 And a big reason it is not catching up.

00:51:34.000 It is, but slowly.

00:51:36.000 It takes longer than the thing itself to grow around us.

00:51:39.000 Well, that's because the people who are in control of the system are the 2% who have all the money. 0.99

00:51:44.000 That's the fucking problem. 0.99

00:51:46.000 But isn't that why the system has gotten this big this fast in the first place? 0.99

00:51:50.000 It's almost like you need greed and intense ambition and all these things that in some form ultimately lead to monarchies, ultimately lead to bad things.

00:52:03.000 It's like they get so intense that a person is so competitive about money that they get to the point where they have way more money than they can use and they're fucking over the rest of the world, but they can't even help themselves.

00:52:12.000 It's like an ethic.

00:52:13.000 There's always an explanation for tyranny.

00:52:16.000 There's always an explanation like that.

00:52:19.000 You can almost always tell there's an...

00:52:20.000 The current explanation is, these people...

00:52:24.000 Not what you're saying, because what you're saying is smart, but the base version is, these 2% of the wealthy...

00:52:33.000 Have earned their money and they deserve to keep it. 1.00

00:52:37.000 And everyone else, they're lazy fucks. 1.00

00:52:39.000 That's the idea. 1.00

00:52:40.000 They're just not lucky.

00:52:41.000 They just didn't put their shoulders to the grindstone.

00:52:45.000 They didn't push hard enough.

00:52:46.000 And so that's the idea.

00:52:49.000 Now, I think the real truth of the matter is that many of these people have inherited their money.

00:52:54.000 Many of these people, they didn't necessarily earn their money. 0.97

00:52:56.000 And even if they did earn the fucking money, the fact that there are... 1.00

00:53:00.000 People in the world with big, fat, bloated fucking bellies because they're starving to death in Somali and we can't get the resources there because some fundamentalist fucking Islamic organization won't let the shit through so that fucking babies can eat. 1.00

00:53:17.000 The fact that we're totally cool with that while simultaneously every bomb we drop costs $100,000 on top of Libya... 1.00

00:53:24.000 The fact that we're totally cool with that is an indication to me not of a nervous system not catching up, but a state of people not being educated appropriately in ethics.

00:53:34.000 It seems like a simple thing. 0.99

00:53:35.000 We need to fucking... 0.99

00:53:36.000 School teachers need to start getting paid their doctor's wage. 0.99

00:53:40.000 School teachers need to start getting paid the same amount the celebrities get paid so that it becomes a competitive industry, and only the super smart are the ones who start giving our children, like, the basic information.

00:53:51.000 Well, you're absolutely right.

00:53:52.000 And on that platform, you should run for president.

00:53:55.000 But my point is not attached to the human animal as one of its own.

00:54:01.000 My point is looking at it objectively. 0.96

00:54:03.000 When I look at it objectively, when I look at the way human beings are so intensely focused on wealth and so intensely focused on privilege and on conquering and taking over things, I really think that it's like a queen bee or like any sort of a natural large leader of an ant colony or whatever the fuck it is.

00:54:28.000 There's some crazy thing that people need in order to accomplish what we are abstractly aware of trying to accomplish.

00:54:38.000 And it goes back to this technology thing.

00:54:41.000 When you have ambition, any kind of ambition, you're going to have competition.

00:54:45.000 When you have competition, you're always going to have people that take it to the next level.

00:54:49.000 And some people take it to the next level like Michael Jordan does on the basketball court.

00:54:53.000 Or you've got guys like William Randolph Hearst who takes it to that next level when he was running basketball. 0.99

00:54:59.000 He's just a fucking dominator. 1.00

00:55:01.000 Fuck you. 1.00

00:55:02.000 I don't give a shit. 1.00

00:55:03.000 How about I make up stories and put them on my newspaper, you fuckhead. 1.00

00:55:07.000 And then I'm going to kill you and I'm going to make up a story and put it on my paper that says you were into kiddie porn, you fuckhead. 1.00

00:55:12.000 I mean, William Randolph Hearst got to some insane point of power. 1.00

00:55:15.000 But I almost wonder if instead of looking at these individual circumstances or individual people that...

00:55:22.000 Create horrible things and greed and obscenely wealthy people while other people are starving.

00:55:28.000 Instead of looking at that, I always look at the mechanism itself.

00:55:32.000 Look at the movement itself.

00:55:33.000 Which way is the wave going and why?

00:55:35.000 Why is it going in the most supposedly progressive of all the countries, being America, the most hyper-aggressive about controlling natural resources and about innovation and about weapons?

00:55:50.000 About weapons and about science.

00:55:53.000 And today, NASA announced that we're going to try to go to Mars.

00:55:56.000 They're going to have manned missions to Mars. 0.99

00:55:58.000 A giant fucking thing. 0.98

00:55:59.000 Like the Saturn V rocket on steroids. 0.99

00:56:01.000 They're going to send astronauts to Mars.

00:56:03.000 And this keeps America. 0.81

00:56:05.000 This is one of the big points of their point.

00:56:06.000 It keeps America the leader in the space race.

00:56:09.000 Yeah.

00:56:09.000 People are worried that we're losing the space race because we can no longer put people in the space station.

00:56:16.000 We have to rely on the Soviets. 0.98

00:56:17.000 And the Soviets just crashed one of their shuttles the other day.

00:56:20.000 So now we're like, did you change the oil?

00:56:24.000 What are you doing?

00:56:25.000 We don't even know what they did.

00:56:26.000 We're hopping on their plane.

00:56:28.000 It's ridiculous that we still have space races.

00:56:30.000 That's like the Laugh Olympics. 0.97

00:56:31.000 It's like the dumbest thing that we're in these Olympics with other countries. 0.97

00:56:35.000 We've got to go farther, faster, first. 0.95

00:56:37.000 Yeah, but no, because it pushes innovation and it pushes people to really, I mean, whether or not you believe people landed on the moon, I know it sounds retarded, I still have questions. 0.99

00:56:46.000 People go, but I got answers!

00:56:48.000 You know, there's like recent photographs of the moon landing and everybody sends them to me and they're like, what do you think, man?

00:56:53.000 What do you think?

00:56:54.000 And I think, if I was guilty of something, okay, and I sent you a picture that showed that I wasn't guilty of something and it was really fucking blurry and it looked like it was taken from a million miles away in black and white, would you believe me?

00:57:07.000 No.

00:57:08.000 Oh, I'm sure that this is a satellite photo.

00:57:11.000 It's very likely that it is.

00:57:12.000 I leave open the possibility that it's not.

00:57:15.000 And people say, that's crazy.

00:57:17.000 And it probably is.

00:57:19.000 Is that possibility 1%?

00:57:20.000 Or how big of that possibility?

00:57:22.000 I have no idea.

00:57:23.000 Then I would know.

00:57:24.000 This is what I would say.

00:57:25.000 I would say if it's 99% What was that 1% there for? 0.99

00:57:31.000 What the fuck is it there for? 0.98

00:57:32.000 99% means I really believe it. 0.99

00:57:34.000 I just leave it open.

00:57:35.000 I don't have a percentage labeled on it. 1.00

00:57:37.000 I think the people in the 60s and the 70s were full of shit. 1.00

00:57:40.000 I think the government was intensely full of shit. 1.00

00:57:43.000 I think the Nixon administration was deceptive as a practice. 1.00

00:57:49.000 Generally, across the board, completely full of shit and without accountability until they got busted in Watergate and the shit that went on in the Vietnam War, how they got into the Vietnam War from the Gulf of Tonkin incident, which is a big, fat fucking lie. 0.99

00:58:04.000 Yeah, but do you think the government would have learned by now, like, hey, we're getting at a smarter age. 1.00

00:58:08.000 Hold on.

00:58:09.000 We're not going to lie.

00:58:09.000 I don't know.

00:58:10.000 I don't know.

00:58:10.000 Wait, did you think that?

00:58:11.000 No, because they still do shit that's fucked up. 1.00

00:58:13.000 Look at the Pamela Smart case. 1.00

00:58:15.000 The girl who got rescued in Iraq. 1.00

00:58:19.000 What the fuck is her name? 0.99

00:58:21.000 I'm not pulling anybody's names out today. 0.99

00:58:22.000 But my point was this girl, Jessica Lynch.

00:58:25.000 She was in the hospital.

00:58:26.000 They said there was a gunfight.

00:58:27.000 She was kidnapped.

00:58:28.000 They had a rescuer.

00:58:29.000 They brought her back.

00:58:29.000 She was an American hero.

00:58:31.000 Well, it turns out she was not in a gunfight at all. 1.00

00:58:33.000 She was in a fucking hospital. 0.99

00:58:34.000 There was no guns fired. 1.00

00:58:35.000 They went in and got her and they made up a goddamn story. 0.99

00:58:38.000 The Pat Tillman story. 1.00

00:58:39.000 Pat Tillman died because of fucking friendly fire. 1.00

00:58:42.000 Someone made a mistake and he died. 0.99

00:58:44.000 But when they put that story out, they did not say that.

00:58:48.000 When they put that story out, they said he died in defense of our country.

00:58:51.000 Meanwhile, Pat Tillman, when he was over there, was a huge...

00:58:53.000 He went from being a huge supporter of the war to going over there and openly criticizing and saying it was a gigantic clusterfuck of epic proportions.

00:59:02.000 And his brother still maintains that to this day. 1.00

00:59:04.000 So they lie about shit. 1.00

00:59:06.000 They make shit up. 1.00

00:59:07.000 I don't know whether or not they've made up landing on the moon. 1.00

00:59:10.000 I don't know whether or not they killed Kennedy.

00:59:12.000 I don't know.

00:59:13.000 I leave those open.

00:59:14.000 I leave those open because I think it's very possible. 0.99

00:59:17.000 There's nothing, there's etched in stone shit to me. 0.99

00:59:20.000 Here's something etched in stone. 0.99

00:59:22.000 Etched in stone, there was a man named Kennedy who was shot and killed.

00:59:25.000 That's right.

00:59:25.000 That's etched in stone.

00:59:26.000 I don't know what the fuck happened to him. 0.99

00:59:27.000 I don't know. 0.99

00:59:28.000 It's fascinating to me, the whole idea of this bullet magically showing up on Governor Connolly's gurney.

00:59:34.000 They bring him in, oh, I think we found the bullet.

00:59:37.000 This bullet didn't look like it got shot through anything. 0.98

00:59:39.000 It's ridiculous. 0.97

00:59:40.000 There's more fragments of metal supposedly in their bodies that are missing from this bullet. 0.99

00:59:44.000 You know, attribute that to what you will, but the idea that you can shoot a bullet through fucking bone, and no one's ever been able to recreate that. 0.98

00:59:49.000 They tried that on one of those fucking shows, and the only way they were able to make it look anything even close to that bullet, they had to shoot it through, like, gelatin. 0.98

00:59:56.000 They had to shoot it through, like, fake skin that's supposed to replicate gelatin. 0.99

01:00:00.000 But as soon as you hit a bone, that's a rap song. 0.99

01:00:02.000 That bullet was warped and fucked up. 0.99

01:00:04.000 That's what happens to bullets, man. 0.99

01:00:05.000 It's supposed to be like that.

01:00:06.000 They fragment inside your body and they create more damage.

01:00:08.000 They shatter things.

01:00:09.000 They're lead with a shield on them of another metal, like brass or something like that.

01:00:13.000 Depending on what you have.

01:00:15.000 And they hit things. 0.99

01:00:15.000 They fuck up. 0.99

01:00:16.000 They bend up. 1.00

01:00:17.000 That Kennedy bullet didn't go through shit. 1.00

01:00:19.000 They shot that thing into a fucking fish tank. 1.00

01:00:22.000 That thing looked like it never hit anything. 1.00

01:00:23.000 Like it hit a million pillows. 0.97

01:00:25.000 Didn't look like it fucking hit anything hard like a bone and shattered someone's wrist. 0.99

01:00:29.000 I don't buy that for a goddamn second. 0.98

01:00:31.000 And if you do buy that, you're looking for that to be the answer. 0.99

01:00:33.000 You know, and the only reason why they ever even said that, you know, people dispute the positioning of the magic bullet.

01:00:39.000 The positioning...

01:00:40.000 Look, you know, Anthony Bourdain had a really good point when he talked about people that get shot.

01:00:44.000 When he was on our podcast talking about some people get shot and the bullet ricochets inside their head and exits out the back and doesn't even do any damage.

01:00:50.000 It was totally true. 0.53

01:00:52.000 Crazy things can happen when you're shooting bullets through people.

01:00:55.000 People have been shot through the head and nothing happens to them.

01:00:58.000 Literally. 1.00

01:00:58.000 Shot through the fucking head. 1.00

01:00:59.000 They have a hole straight through their head and they live. 1.00

01:01:01.000 And they don't have any functioning, you know, they're allowed to walk around.

01:01:05.000 They're fine.

01:01:06.000 They can rehab.

01:01:06.000 It's amazing.

01:01:07.000 Some people know. 0.99

01:01:08.000 But every time you shoot a bullet into something, that bullet gets fucked up. 1.00

01:01:12.000 Every time. 1.00

01:01:14.000 Every time.

01:01:15.000 And that bullet, if you look at that bullet, it's so clear that bullet didn't hit anything. 0.98

01:01:20.000 There's no fucking way it went through two different people. 0.98

01:01:23.000 There's no way. 0.99

01:01:24.000 And the only reason why they even had to say it went through two people is because we had to attribute three bullets to one person because they found a guy who was under the underpass who was hit with a ricochet. 0.98

01:01:36.000 When that guy, when they hit the curb, the ricochet of the granite came up, hit this guy, fucked him up. 0.82

01:01:40.000 He had to go to the hospital. 0.95

01:01:41.000 What happened?

01:01:42.000 I got hit with a ricochet.

01:01:43.000 They found the spot on the concrete or the granite.

01:01:47.000 Yeah.

01:01:47.000 Whatever it is, the curbstone, where it had been hit by the bullet.

01:01:50.000 Sure.

01:01:50.000 So they knew he was telling the truth.

01:01:51.000 Oh, here's a bullet hole.

01:01:52.000 Okay, this is where the guy got hit.

01:01:53.000 So they had to...

01:01:54.000 Now they have three wounds.

01:01:56.000 Now they have all these shots.

01:01:58.000 And they don't...

01:01:59.000 Or I guess two wounds.

01:02:00.000 And they had to attribute one of them In two different people's bodies to the same bullet.

01:02:06.000 It's completely unscientific.

01:02:07.000 Instead of saying, what is the possibility that even though we caught Lee Harvey Oswald, what if there was a guy on the roof above him?

01:02:13.000 Is that possible?

01:02:15.000 No, no, no, no, no.

01:02:17.000 Impossible.

01:02:18.000 Is it possible?

01:02:19.000 No, nothing possible.

01:02:20.000 Let's talk to this guy and find out. 0.99

01:02:21.000 Oh, this fucking mob-collected guy or mob-connected guy ran up to him and shot him in broad daylight in the stomach in front of everybody and police officers? 0.99

01:02:31.000 What? 1.00

01:02:32.000 What happened? 1.00

01:02:33.000 What kind of fucking charade are you running here? 1.00

01:02:35.000 Oh, the guy who killed Kennedy is dead. 1.00

01:02:37.000 Oh, well, that's convenient.

01:02:38.000 There you go.

01:02:39.000 Well, let's go back to work in Vietnam, and Lyndon Johnson's going to take care of everybody. 0.71

01:02:43.000 He loves you.

01:02:44.000 Hey, he's a good old boy, and it's terrible to happen to that boy Kennedy, but you know what? 1.00

01:02:48.000 Sometimes those youngins, those fucking Massachusetts boys, they don't know how to shut the fuck up. 1.00

01:02:52.000 Yeah, they clink whiskey glasses, and they proceed to fuck headless Thai whores. 1.00

01:02:58.000 Come on, man. 1.00

01:03:00.000 Those guys are animals. 1.00

01:03:01.000 Those guys are all savages. 0.99

01:03:02.000 But the thing Brian said about how maybe now they're not doing that anymore... 0.99

01:03:09.000 It's nonsense.

01:03:10.000 It's nonsense, but I think that idea is a prevalent idea, and it's a hilarious idea, because if you look back at every age in history...

01:03:17.000 Things accelerate.

01:03:18.000 You will find that in every age there was an idea people had about something that was okay that a later age found to be completely and absolutely wrong.

01:03:30.000 Most recently, segregation.

01:03:32.000 There was a time when I guess our grandparents, they would really go to use the bathroom and they'd be like, oh, there's the white person's bathroom.

01:03:43.000 And then they would say to whoever was working for them, like if they happened to take their black maid on a shopping trip, they'd be like, oh, there's the colored restroom. 1.00

01:03:51.000 You can go use that. 0.82

01:03:52.000 And that was normal.

01:03:54.000 They didn't do that with some sense of like, I don't know if I should do this or not.

01:03:58.000 To them, that was a normal state of existence.

01:04:00.000 If you go back a little bit before that, there was slavery. 0.99

01:04:04.000 You would go over to your friend's house and your friend would have a fucking dude that he had bought that had to do everything he said because it was his slave. 0.99

01:04:13.000 And he was allowed to beat it. 0.99

01:04:15.000 Yeah.

01:04:15.000 He beat it.

01:04:16.000 He beat a human fucking being. 1.00

01:04:18.000 That was totally normal. 1.00

01:04:20.000 And then if you go back a little bit before that, you would wake up in the morning and your cow's milk would be sour, and you would go and say to your wife, I think there's a witch nearby.

01:04:29.000 And she'd be like, well, who?

01:04:31.000 Who do you think it is?

01:04:32.000 And you meant it. 1.00

01:04:33.000 And you'd find a woman, and you'd fucking... 1.00

01:04:36.000 Incinerator on a goddamn pyre. 1.00

01:04:38.000 That was just before slavery. 0.99

01:04:40.000 Now, somehow people think that right now we've got it all figured out and there's not something equally insane that we all consider to be a total normal facet of reality.

01:04:51.000 Like, all of a sudden, no.

01:04:52.000 All of society has totally got it figured out.

01:04:54.000 No!

01:04:54.000 We don't have it figured out.

01:04:55.000 The truth of the matter is, There is a hive mind. 0.95

01:04:59.000 People are leaders, and there are people who understand that in primate neurology, there is a way to tune in to that fucking frequency of attention and convince people that you're the president, the leader, the king, the queen, whatever the fuck it is you want to call it. 0.94

01:05:15.000 You can convince primates, if you spin the fucking spiral in front of them in the right way, you can convince them that you're their leader. 0.95

01:05:22.000 And they'll just believe it. 0.99

01:05:23.000 Oh yeah, that's a leader!

01:05:24.000 He's our president!

01:05:25.000 Oh, he's my president now.

01:05:27.000 Somebody saw that on the news.

01:05:28.000 People fight with you.

01:05:29.000 He's my president.

01:05:30.000 People fight you.

01:05:31.000 You've got to respect the president.

01:05:32.000 He's our president.

01:05:33.000 He's our president.

01:05:33.000 Don't talk about our president that way.

01:05:35.000 Now, this is clearly a form of conditioning and a form of hypnosis.

01:05:40.000 And I think that that's like the final thing for us to overcome. 0.99

01:05:44.000 We got over fucking slavery. 0.99

01:05:46.000 But it's a weird thing. 0.99

01:05:46.000 You're not supposed to discuss that. 0.99

01:05:48.000 No way!

01:05:48.000 You're not supposed to discuss it.

01:05:50.000 It's our government!

01:05:51.000 If you're an intelligent person, if you're an intelligent person and you're a respected person, you go on television and say the president should be respected no more than any other man.

01:05:59.000 Get out of my studio!

01:06:01.000 Flag burner! 0.97

01:06:03.000 Flag burner, yeah!

01:06:05.000 You know, man, people, if you want to see the conditioning when you watch somebody burn a flag in front of the wrong person, people will freak out.

01:06:14.000 You want to see the conditioning? 0.99

01:06:16.000 Fucking burn a $100 bill in front of people. 1.00

01:06:18.000 No, not the paper! 1.00

01:06:19.000 Well, there was a story, a news story about a dude who was in front of a Mexican restaurant.

01:06:24.000 And he was a Vietnam vet.

01:06:25.000 And he was angry because the Mexican restaurant was flying a Mexican flag above an American flag.

01:06:32.000 And apparently this dude said that that was not legal. 0.97

01:06:36.000 So he goes there with a fucking knife, opens up this giant knife, and saws the rope on this guy's flag in front of this man's Mexican restaurant. 0.99

01:06:47.000 Goodness. 1.00

01:06:47.000 Pulls the flags down and cuts old glory free. 1.00

01:06:51.000 Folds it up properly and takes it with him.

01:06:54.000 And he's like, you will not disrespect this flag. 0.99

01:06:56.000 And he's like, it clearly states somewhere, I don't know where it is, some old asshole who's dead as fuck wrote down on some piece of paper, the old glory must be on top. 0.99

01:07:06.000 This is the appropriate way to fold the flag. 1.00

01:07:08.000 America can never be, you know, never be humble.

01:07:11.000 You can't be like the third flag.

01:07:12.000 Yeah.

01:07:13.000 Like, you know, really cool.

01:07:14.000 Tibet, you want to be on top?

01:07:15.000 Be on top, Tibet.

01:07:16.000 Who wants to be in the middle?

01:07:18.000 Ireland, you want to be in the middle?

01:07:19.000 Okay, we'll just be on the bottom.

01:07:20.000 It's cool.

01:07:21.000 We are America.

01:07:22.000 That's what I'm talking about there, Joe.

01:07:23.000 I'm talking about this game of make-believe that we're being forced to play.

01:07:27.000 And it seems like the Tea Party represents the people who most want to hold on to this silly game of make-believe.

01:07:33.000 And it's like, you know, I love...

01:07:36.000 This country in the sense that I love the geography of the place I'm living in.

01:07:40.000 I love the cultures here and the people I've met.

01:07:42.000 And I really love a lot of the ways in our culture that free dialogue can spring up and all the amazing things. 0.98

01:07:50.000 But why are you forcing me to then take that love or a sense of belonging here and put it on a goddamn symbol? 0.99

01:07:58.000 Why are you making me put that on a fucking flag or on whatever the silly thing is that you're turning into an idol? 0.99

01:08:04.000 I don't want to do that anymore. 0.99

01:08:05.000 And as we get smarter, I think, as a species, that kind of stuff is becoming less and less palatable.

01:08:13.000 And because now when we're engaged in these ceremonies, most of us are thinking like, you know, the Pledge of Allegiance or whatever at a baseball game.

01:08:23.000 I don't even know they do that at a baseball game.

01:08:25.000 I'm not saying everyone, but I think there is a percentage of people in the audience who are doing it out of just a sense of like, oh, it's kind of quaint.

01:08:31.000 I'm going to do it.

01:08:32.000 This is weird.

01:08:33.000 But you want me to put my hand on my chest?

01:08:35.000 So, okay, how does it work?

01:08:36.000 Well, this is one of the same reasons why a lot of people want to be Christians and tell you they're Christians.

01:08:41.000 Because it automatically carries with a certain amount of respect.

01:08:43.000 You know, if you say to me, you know, so where do you stand with politics?

01:08:48.000 You know, how do you feel? 1.00

01:08:49.000 I'm a fucking patriot. 1.00

01:08:50.000 I'm a patriot, bro. 1.00

01:08:52.000 I fucking believe in this country. 0.99

01:08:53.000 I'm a patriot. 0.99

01:08:54.000 And all of a sudden, that guy is not to be questioned.

01:08:57.000 You know what I'm saying?

01:08:58.000 Right.

01:09:00.000 There's a certain amount of respect that you're going to get from me for being a patriot.

01:09:05.000 Well, no, because I believe in the system, and this president was elected, and because this president was elected, then I just have to go with what's happening, and then I trust my government. 0.97

01:09:13.000 Now, this is the silliest fucking place for your mind to get to when you really look back at the fact that this very same government was the same government that enforced segregation. 0.97

01:09:25.000 It was the same government that illegally went to war in Vietnam. 0.99

01:09:28.000 It was the same government that told us that there was weapons of mass destruction in Iraq when there were no weapons of mass destruction.

01:09:34.000 This very same government that you've pledged your allegiance to again and again and again and again and again and again and again throughout history has shown that it does not do the right thing. 0.85

01:09:47.000 It consistently does shitty things. 0.98

01:09:50.000 Slavery. 0.99

01:09:52.000 Segregation. 0.89

01:09:53.000 War.

01:09:54.000 Right now, war.

01:09:55.000 Bombs.

01:09:55.000 Now, it will repair itself from time to time.

01:09:57.000 And what's really beautiful is the promise of democracy.

01:10:00.000 The promise of democracy or a truly, I guess, a representative government. 0.99

01:10:05.000 A truly representative government is fucking beautiful. 0.99

01:10:08.000 Jesus Christ, that's like pure evolution. 0.99

01:10:10.000 Right.

01:10:10.000 A purely representative government of an educated population.

01:10:16.000 A truly educated, not just educated with books and numbers, or numbers and words, but educated as far as behavior, educated as far as character.

01:10:25.000 There's too many of us to get that done.

01:10:27.000 And there's not enough incentive, unfortunately.

01:10:29.000 I know that right now the idea is that there's too many of us.

01:10:32.000 But I think that's what this whole, I'm a patriot, I'm a Christian, this is a reason...

01:10:37.000 No, no, no.

01:10:38.000 There's a million good things.

01:10:39.000 There's a million good things, Brian.

01:10:40.000 You're not paying attention to what I'm saying.

01:10:41.000 The idea is that being a Christian, saying you're a patriot, saying you're trying to hold some higher ideal that you would really like other people to do as well.

01:10:53.000 And if they do do it, you're going to treat them better and everyone's going to have more energy together.

01:10:59.000 So this is like, they're trying.

01:11:01.000 It's like when people say, I'm a Christian.

01:11:03.000 I'm a Christian.

01:11:03.000 I'm a Christian too, even though a lot of them don't do anything Christian.

01:11:06.000 The first thing they want to do is fucking shoot the enemy. 0.99

01:11:09.000 Jesus has turned the other cheek. 1.00

01:11:10.000 The last thing you want to do is go and fucking say, I'm a Christian. 1.00

01:11:14.000 I'm here to fuck people up. 1.00

01:11:15.000 You can't say that, man. 0.99

01:11:17.000 It's like they're saying it because there is this urge to do that.

01:11:21.000 It's fun to imagine Jesus flying the Enola Gay. 0.95

01:11:24.000 Like, imagine... 1.00

01:11:27.000 Fucking beard! 1.00

01:11:29.000 He's got his toga on or whatever the thing is he's wearing, and he's flying that fucking Enola gay to drop a nuclear weapon on a population of children and women and boyfriends and girlfriends and artists. 1.00

01:11:41.000 That Jesus is like, I must do this for my father. 0.99

01:11:45.000 Of course not!

01:11:46.000 I had to get that out, but what did you mean, Brian?

01:11:48.000 Like, what were you saying?

01:11:49.000 No, I mean, it's just like you're saying about how bad the government is, how many bad things they've done, you know, in the past. 0.99

01:11:55.000 But everyone never looks at the good shit, you know? 0.99

01:11:58.000 No one's ever looking at all the good shit they do. 0.99

01:12:00.000 They're always focusing on the bad stuff. 0.96

01:12:02.000 I don't think that's necessarily the case.

01:12:03.000 Look at the Grand Canyon.

01:12:04.000 It's badass.

01:12:05.000 Did you ever read Watership Down?

01:12:06.000 The government didn't make the Grand Canyon, bro.

01:12:08.000 Brian, did you? 0.99

01:12:08.000 I hate to fucking bust your bubble. 0.99

01:12:10.000 Hey, will you do me a favor? 0.99

01:12:11.000 I know we're not supposed to play music, but there's a song that we have to play.

01:12:14.000 We have to play, because I really like this song, and it's super appropriate, and we'll just talk over it.

01:12:18.000 Okay, we're not selling anything.

01:12:20.000 Yeah, what's his song?

01:12:20.000 It's Aaron Lewis, Country Boy.

01:12:23.000 You know the dude from Stained?

01:12:24.000 Okay, well he's reinvented himself as a country music singer.

01:12:28.000 Do you want to do this?

01:12:29.000 Yes, yes, yes, I want you to.

01:12:30.000 Because it's important, it's really important, it's really important.

01:12:33.000 For two reasons.

01:12:34.000 One, because I honestly like this song.

01:12:37.000 I like this song a lot.

01:12:38.000 I really do. 0.99

01:12:39.000 It's a fucking good song. 0.99

01:12:39.000 The guy's got a great voice. 0.99

01:12:40.000 I loved him in that band, Stained. 1.00

01:12:42.000 I think he's a bad motherfucker. 0.99

01:12:45.000 He's got a great voice. 1.00

01:12:47.000 Apparently, it's just so fascinating.

01:12:49.000 It's a super, super patriotic song.

01:12:52.000 Let's hear it.

01:12:53.000 It's so patriotic.

01:12:55.000 It's almost like a parody.

01:12:57.000 Hit it from the beginning.

01:13:00.000 Here we go.

01:13:01.000 Ready?

01:13:02.000 It's about being a country boy. 1.00

01:13:06.000 We never play songs anymore, but fuck it, man. 1.00

01:13:10.000 I love this song. 0.99

01:13:15.000 How do you know?

01:13:16.000 Dude, listen how good his voice is, man. 1.00

01:13:21.000 Man, I don't like sounding like a homo, but that motherfucker's got a badass voice. 0.99

01:13:25.000 He could tuck me to bed at night with that voice. 1.00

01:13:29.000 Listen to this.

01:13:33.000 And the war is known to change a man.

01:13:36.000 And the whiskey's known to change a man.

01:13:43.000 Welcome to VH1. This is a great fucking song, dude. 1.00

01:13:48.000 I rarely drink from the bottle, but I'll smoke a little weed. 1.00

01:13:55.000 That's what happens at the concert.

01:13:57.000 He has Don't Tread on Me tattooed on his neck.

01:14:02.000 Intense.

01:14:03.000 That's intense.

01:14:04.000 Right across his neck, it says, don't tread on me.

01:14:06.000 And this song is talking about how he never leaves his house without his 9 or his 45. It's like sort of gangster rap.

01:14:12.000 Let's tread another word for cum. 0.99

01:14:13.000 Outlaw country. 1.00

01:14:16.000 He sold his soul to the devil in LA. This is talking about when he was in that other band.

01:14:21.000 Winger?

01:14:21.000 Yeah.

01:14:32.000 He's like Spinal Tap.

01:14:32.000 He's saying the devil hooked him up in L.A. with a record contract.

01:14:37.000 Did you ever see Spinal Tap?

01:14:38.000 What he's doing is he's making up for his time as a rock star.

01:14:42.000 No, remember in Spinal Tap?

01:14:43.000 No, I didn't see Spinal Tap.

01:14:44.000 There's a great thing where it shows all the pictures of the band.

01:14:47.000 And they tried every demographic.

01:14:49.000 They kept changing demographics according to what was popular.

01:14:52.000 And so he just swapped demographics.

01:14:55.000 Yeah, you went right to country.

01:14:57.000 His publicist was like, hey, listen, I think...

01:14:58.000 I think the country market...

01:15:00.000 Well, he's trying to be legit, just like a gangster rapper's trying to be legit.

01:15:03.000 Because in the video, there's a picture of him at two, holding a gun.

01:15:06.000 He's two, and he's got a gun in his hand.

01:15:08.000 I am not bullshitting.

01:15:09.000 I believe it.

01:15:10.000 It says, me, age two.

01:15:11.000 He's holding a gun.

01:15:12.000 And there's another picture where he's got a large-mouthed bass.

01:15:15.000 See?

01:15:16.000 I used to fish.

01:15:17.000 Yeah.

01:15:18.000 You know, so it's like all these pictures of him.

01:15:19.000 Yeah, he's fitting in. 1.00

01:15:20.000 But all that shit is so manipulative and silly. 1.00

01:15:22.000 And that whole thing, man... 1.00

01:15:23.000 But it gets way better, eh?

01:15:24.000 I grew up on a country in a place you never know her name. 0.94

01:15:30.000 The last few seconds of it, I'll tell you, Brian, exactly where to go because it's so ridiculous.

01:15:36.000 It's just really interesting.

01:15:38.000 Did you know there's a Miss Hands? 1.00

01:15:40.000 No.

01:15:40.000 And it's way worse than Mystery?

01:15:42.000 Go to 4 minutes and 14 seconds.

01:15:44.000 Go to 4 minutes and 14 seconds.

01:15:46.000 We'll just end this.

01:15:47.000 Because it's fascinating. 0.83

01:15:48.000 By the way, I'm not dissing this guy at all, and I fucking love this music.

01:15:50.000 And I love his song, and I love that kind of music. 0.77

01:15:53.000 I like a lot of Toby Keith songs.

01:15:55.000 I don't have anything wrong with patriotic songs.

01:15:57.000 At the end of it, listen, this guy does this little speech.

01:16:00.000 And this is like this old, old dude.

01:16:02.000 I love my country.

01:16:03.000 I love my guns.

01:16:05.000 I love my family.

01:16:07.000 I love the way it is now.

01:16:08.000 And anybody that tried to change it has to come through me.

01:16:12.000 That should be all of our attitude.

01:16:14.000 It's this is America and a country boy is good enough for me, son.

01:16:19.000 Okay, play that back again because that might be a terrorist message. 1.00

01:16:23.000 Okay, that retarded fucking speech. 1.00

01:16:25.000 Back it up. 1.00

01:16:26.000 Listen to this.

01:16:31.000 Is that a bagpipe?

01:16:32.000 I love my country.

01:16:34.000 I love my guns.

01:16:36.000 I love my family.

01:16:37.000 I love the way it is now.

01:16:39.000 And anybody that tries to change it has to come through me.

01:16:43.000 That should be all of our attitudes.

01:16:45.000 This is America.

01:16:47.000 And a country boy is good enough for me, son.

01:16:49.000 A country boy is good enough for me. 1.00

01:16:51.000 We are as evolved as I need.

01:16:53.000 Let's stop right here.

01:16:54.000 That's how cancer cells talk. 0.98

01:16:55.000 Exactly.

01:16:56.000 If you can listen to a cancer cell, that's what it would sound like. 1.00

01:17:01.000 It's just so fucking stupid. 1.00

01:17:03.000 It's like, I love my guns. 1.00

01:17:04.000 What?

01:17:05.000 That's you?

01:17:06.000 I love my country.

01:17:07.000 I love my guns.

01:17:08.000 Oh, Jesus, dude. 1.00

01:17:09.000 Just hurry up and die. 1.00

01:17:10.000 Will you fucking hurry up? 1.00

01:17:11.000 Will you just die, you old man? 1.00

01:17:12.000 You fucking model T human being. 1.00

01:17:14.000 You dipshit. 1.00

01:17:15.000 Just die. 1.00

01:17:16.000 I love my family. 1.00

01:17:18.000 I love my guns.

01:17:19.000 Take those.

01:17:20.000 Gotta come through me.

01:17:21.000 Okay, look, I'm not saying I want to take your guns, dude.

01:17:24.000 I like guns, too.

01:17:25.000 I love my family, too. 0.99

01:17:27.000 Settle the fuck down. 1.00

01:17:28.000 Every time in history, man. 0.99

01:17:29.000 Jesus Christ.

01:17:29.000 Every time in history.

01:17:31.000 No one's coming through you, bro.

01:17:32.000 But every period in history has got those human anchors desperately trying to dig their claws into the earth and keep evolution from happening.

01:17:42.000 Desperately.

01:17:43.000 They'll kill for it. 0.99

01:17:44.000 They'll kill for it. 1.00

01:17:45.000 The Inquisition.

01:17:46.000 What do you mean?

01:17:47.000 Wait a minute.

01:17:47.000 You can't be serious.

01:17:49.000 Everyone gather around.

01:17:50.000 Did you hear Galileo?

01:17:52.000 Did you hear what Galileo just said?

01:17:55.000 Father, I heard he speak of the earth not being the center.

01:18:00.000 I love my earth in the center of the universe.

01:18:03.000 I love my earth.

01:18:03.000 I love my sticks and bows and arrows.

01:18:06.000 I love seers.

01:18:07.000 I love my sling.

01:18:08.000 I love my slave.

01:18:10.000 I love my catapults. 1.00

01:18:10.000 I love burning witches. 1.00

01:18:11.000 Anybody trying to take my catapult away, that'll come through me. 0.97

01:18:14.000 I love my scroll.

01:18:16.000 I love carving and rock.

01:18:19.000 I love walking.

01:18:20.000 I don't need to ride any horses.

01:18:22.000 I don't need domesticated animals.

01:18:23.000 That's complicated.

01:18:24.000 Anybody who wants to domesticate horses gotta come through me.

01:18:26.000 I love being a hunter-gatherer.

01:18:28.000 I love having a lifespan. 0.99

01:18:30.000 I love being a single-cell orgasm. 0.97

01:18:32.000 There's no need to expand. 0.95

01:18:34.000 We're all having a good time down here at the bottom of the ocean floor.

01:18:37.000 Anybody who wants to change, gotta come through me.

01:18:39.000 I love being a carbon molecule.

01:18:45.000 I love existing in pre-Big Bang conditions.

01:18:49.000 I love my family.

01:18:50.000 I love my protons.

01:18:52.000 Anybody wants to change that?

01:18:55.000 As I open up the second bottle of wine.

01:18:58.000 I grew up on a known dirt road in a town you wouldn't know.

01:19:05.000 It's a beautiful song, man. 1.00

01:19:07.000 The guy's just singing his fucking ass off. 0.99

01:19:09.000 I'm sorry. 1.00

01:19:09.000 I'm not denying it. 1.00

01:19:10.000 I'm buying that shit on iTunes right now because I made fun of you, bro. 0.99

01:19:13.000 I love that song. 1.00

01:19:14.000 No bullshit. 0.74

01:19:14.000 I love it. 0.74

01:19:15.000 He's a Massachusetts boy, just like me.

01:19:17.000 When you first talked about the horse humping...

01:19:20.000 How many dirt roads are in Massachusetts?

01:19:22.000 You called him Mr. Hands.

01:19:23.000 Yes.

01:19:24.000 Was that just because you saw the file name Mr. Hands?

01:19:26.000 Yes.

01:19:26.000 Mr. Hands.mpeg.

01:19:27.000 Now, was that already called Mr. Hands?

01:19:29.000 No, his name, the guy who got fucked to death, was Mr. Hands. 0.99

01:19:34.000 If you don't know what the story we're talking about, we're talking about a real true story about a gentleman in Seattle.

01:19:39.000 Gentleman?

01:19:39.000 I believe he was an engineer, but he was a professional.

01:19:43.000 And he had this crazy fetish for sex with animals and wound up getting killed. 1.00

01:19:48.000 And there's a video of him getting fucked by a horse. 1.00

01:19:51.000 And the video is mrhens.mpeg. 0.99

01:19:53.000 And you can get it at twoguysonehorse.com. 0.94

01:19:55.000 And if you're new to the internet or you don't have any fucked up friends like me, you might not have ever even seen this. 0.96

01:20:01.000 Don't. 0.98

01:20:02.000 You're right.

01:20:03.000 Don't do it.

01:20:04.000 It's not worth it.

01:20:04.000 Why are you going to do that to yourself?

01:20:06.000 It's so crazy to watch a guy get fucked by a horse. 1.00

01:20:09.000 No. 0.99

01:20:09.000 They were talking about Mr. Hands today. 0.99

01:20:11.000 I worked on this horror movie, this low-budget horror movie, and they were all talking about Mr. Hands, but they were all calling it Mr. Hands.mpeg or whatever.

01:20:19.000 Right.

01:20:19.000 And then they were saying that there's a Mrs. Hands.

01:20:22.000 Really?

01:20:22.000 And they were all like, oh yeah, Mrs. Hands is even worse.

01:20:24.000 Oh my god, how could it be worse? 0.99

01:20:25.000 And they just described it where it was the woman's face was off the side of the thing, and the horse was just fucking coming, and suddenly it pulls out, and just floppy dick and cum and everything, and the girl at one point is going... 1.00

01:20:36.000 Oh, yeah! 0.99

01:20:38.000 You know, like it changes.

01:20:38.000 Oh, you know what that is?

01:20:39.000 That's old.

01:20:40.000 That's not actually Mrs. Hands.

01:20:42.000 So they just called it, it's a marketing gig? 0.95

01:20:43.000 Yeah, there was a dude named Billy Connolly, and I fucking washed it over his house while someone stood guard over the front door.

01:20:50.000 We were in the basement, and what... 0.95

01:20:52.000 One of us had to stand guard by the front door.

01:20:55.000 We were in the basement.

01:20:56.000 We had to go up the stairs and stand by the door. 1.00

01:20:58.000 And if you hear my fucking mom, you better say something. 1.00

01:21:00.000 This is what Billy said. 1.00

01:21:01.000 Because apparently maybe his mom either caught him with it or didn't know he had it.

01:21:05.000 But there was some issue.

01:21:06.000 VHS? It was called Barnyard Betty.

01:21:08.000 Yes, VHS. And you could barely see what the fuck was going on. 0.99

01:21:11.000 It was really shitty quality, but that's one of the scenes. 0.99

01:21:14.000 The horse shoots a load all over her and she makes these moans like, oh yeah. 1.00

01:21:18.000 And it's...

01:21:19.000 So disturbing.

01:21:20.000 It was almost like I got molested that day.

01:21:23.000 Because the day is literally broken up in my memory with these jolting standout memories.

01:21:31.000 You know how you scroll through your icons if you use a Mac?

01:21:35.000 And you scroll through, and then they get larger when your cursor goes over the thing.

01:21:39.000 That's what those memories are.

01:21:41.000 It's like the whole day is like a normal day.

01:21:43.000 No memory of the day at all. 0.99

01:21:44.000 All of a sudden, girl got fucked by a horse in Billy Connolly's basement. 0.99

01:21:47.000 I gotta tell you something, man. 1.00

01:21:49.000 I don't think there is a comparison between a girl getting horse cum blasted all over and a guy getting impaled to death on the penis of a horse. 1.00

01:22:00.000 Those are two different things, man. 1.00

01:22:02.000 Well, women have died from getting fucked by horses, too. 1.00

01:22:04.000 Many people have gotten... 0.99

01:22:05.000 Who was that famous woman who was some... 1.00

01:22:08.000 God damn, who the hell was she? 1.00

01:22:09.000 Wasn't there a queen? 1.00

01:22:10.000 Yeah, a queen. 0.97

01:22:11.000 My memory sucks there. 0.98

01:22:12.000 I worked all day today in the sun doing something that I god damn wish I could tell you folks about. 0.99

01:22:18.000 I can't tell you a damn word, but oh my god. 0.98

01:22:22.000 I can't wait to talk about this once it actually happens. 0.98

01:22:25.000 I can tell you what happened I did today.

01:22:27.000 I'm sure it's going to be just as awesome.

01:22:30.000 This girl named Sandra Dee was an actress from the movie.

01:22:32.000 Look at me, I'm Sandra Dee.

01:22:34.000 She played like this monster, like a Carrie monster. 1.00

01:22:37.000 Oh, that's her real name?

01:22:38.000 Her real name is Sandra Dee? 0.99

01:22:39.000 You know, that's like a famous name of a person in Greece.

01:22:42.000 She's an adult actress slash actress. 1.00

01:22:44.000 Oh, she's one of those. 1.00

01:22:45.000 So I think it might not be her real name.

01:22:46.000 But she's the bigger one. 0.67

01:22:47.000 She's an adult actress.

01:22:48.000 She's got over 100,000 Twitter friends.

01:22:50.000 Over 100,000 Twitter friends.

01:22:51.000 She's the bigger one.

01:22:52.000 Let me check her out. 1.00

01:22:52.000 And she has a British accent. 1.00

01:22:55.000 Fucking hot as balls. 1.00

01:22:56.000 What is her Twitter address? 1.00

01:22:58.000 Sandra D. Just Sandra D with a D or D-E-E? D-E-E. So anyways, this movie, she kills me in it. 0.99

01:23:06.000 Spoiler alert.

01:23:07.000 But she's like sitting right over me at one point and I die from her period blood. 0.98

01:23:12.000 First of all, you just fucked up some poor girl named Sandra D who only has 17 followers. 1.00

01:23:19.000 Poor Sandra D sitting in front of her ATF. What's happening? 0.99

01:23:22.000 Living in northern Michigan is going to get bombed on by the savages that listen to this podcast.

01:23:28.000 What is it?

01:23:29.000 It's Sandra Deezer, some regular girl named Sandy Butler.

01:23:32.000 Hi, Sandy.

01:23:32.000 Sorry.

01:23:33.000 Sorry to bother you.

01:23:34.000 I feel like we accidentally called you at home. 1.00

01:23:36.000 I see your asshole in there. 0.99

01:23:38.000 Please be nice to her, folks. 1.00

01:23:40.000 Please.

01:23:40.000 Please be nice.

01:23:41.000 She seems like a nice girl with a love of ATVs.

01:23:44.000 There's a photo of her with an ATV here.

01:23:46.000 And she's smiling like, really?

01:23:48.000 You want me to take a picture right here?

01:23:49.000 Okay.

01:23:50.000 It's like somebody randomly getting attacked by killer bees.

01:23:53.000 It's somebody just walking through a party.

01:23:55.000 This poor girl. 1.00

01:23:56.000 Her Twitter just got mobbed. 0.99

01:23:58.000 Her Twitter just got assaulted by savages. 0.99

01:24:00.000 Do you know how fucking trippy it's going to be for her to open up her Twitter tomorrow morning and look at 5,000 responses out of nowhere? 0.98

01:24:08.000 Like, what? 0.97

01:24:09.000 Huh? 1.00

01:24:10.000 Yeah, Sophie D. I'm sorry, it's Sophie D. Oh, you fuckhead. 1.00

01:24:13.000 S-O-P-H-I-E-D-E. I posted a bunch of photos of me today. 0.99

01:24:19.000 Sandy, I feel so bad.

01:24:21.000 On my Twitter.

01:24:22.000 If someone's mean to you, I'm going to follow you, Sandy.

01:24:24.000 If someone's mean to you, DM me and I'll correct everything.

01:24:27.000 I'm following you now, Sandy.

01:24:28.000 So anyway, there's one point where she's like, she has one foot on each side of me, completely naked, trenched in blood. 0.91

01:24:34.000 Sophie D. You're in a movie with this chick? 1.00

01:24:37.000 Yeah.

01:24:37.000 S-O-P-H-I-E-D-E. Is this like one of those...

01:24:41.000 It's like... 0.97

01:24:42.000 Evil Dead movie, like really low-budget horror movie, Ridiculous. 0.91

01:24:45.000 Oh, really low.

01:24:46.000 But really cool crazy blood effects. 1.00

01:24:50.000 Oh, this bitch is dirty. 1.00

01:24:52.000 Damn, son. 1.00

01:24:53.000 Yeah, it's just a fun little short film. 0.99

01:24:54.000 So what happened? 0.98

01:24:55.000 You were hanging out with this dirty hot chick. 1.00

01:24:58.000 This girl looks so dirty, too. 1.00

01:25:00.000 Oh, my Lord, this bitch. 1.00

01:25:01.000 There's pictures of her in bikinis. 1.00

01:25:03.000 Jesus fucking Christ. 1.00

01:25:04.000 She had the biggest tits I've ever fucking seen. 1.00

01:25:07.000 Duncan Trussell, Duncan Trussell. 1.00

01:25:08.000 Duncan Trussell, look at this picture.

01:25:09.000 I don't usually do this because this is a podcast and you folks at home can't see this, but we're kind of drunk right now.

01:25:14.000 Wow! 0.95

01:25:15.000 It's ridiculous. 0.91

01:25:16.000 Imagine the incredible pull that it has. 1.00

01:25:18.000 Those tits look real. 1.00

01:25:19.000 Are they real? 0.95

01:25:19.000 I thought they looked real, too. 0.95

01:25:21.000 I think they are real.

01:25:22.000 They're huge.

01:25:23.000 And look, if you look at the photos...

01:25:24.000 No, they can't be real.

01:25:25.000 You know what I think? 1.00

01:25:25.000 I think she's one of those crazy bitches that had big, real tits and then got them bigger. 1.00

01:25:29.000 Wait, look at... 1.00

01:25:29.000 They're naked on my Twitter. 1.00

01:25:31.000 Look at... 0.98

01:25:31.000 Backslash Redband. 0.98

01:25:32.000 Oh, I see what you did, you fuck. 1.00

01:25:34.000 Oh, that's cute. 1.00

01:25:34.000 Somebody's gotta do it. 1.00

01:25:35.000 Yeah, that's ridiculous. 0.99

01:25:36.000 Do you have naked pictures of her on your Twitter? 1.00

01:25:38.000 You don't even, do you? 0.97

01:25:39.000 Yeah, I do. 1.00

01:25:40.000 I hope the hackers fucking go after you right now. 0.99

01:25:42.000 Why do you unleash the hackers on everyone? 1.00

01:25:48.000 What the fuck? 1.00

01:25:50.000 I don't see no pictures of this bitch, bro. 1.00

01:25:51.000 Yeah, keep looking. 1.00

01:25:53.000 Keep looking. 1.00

01:25:54.000 Yeah, you fucking asshole. 1.00

01:25:56.000 He just fucking tricked me, man. 1.00

01:25:57.000 There's tons of photos on there. 0.98

01:25:59.000 Speaking of photos, I heard that Little Hobo came back.

01:26:06.000 Yeah, Little Hobo's back, but he's smaller. 0.98

01:26:08.000 I ordered the wrong goddamn size. 0.98

01:26:11.000 I think it's funnier because he's super small. 1.00

01:26:12.000 He just fucked up the story, dude! 0.98

01:26:14.000 How big is he? 0.83

01:26:15.000 How big is Little Hobo?

01:26:16.000 I don't know.

01:26:17.000 He's like this big now.

01:26:18.000 That's even better.

01:26:19.000 That might be better.

01:26:19.000 First of all, it's easier to carry him.

01:26:21.000 And second of all, it's even creepier that a tiny little doll is going to kill you.

01:26:24.000 I want to do it in New Orleans, but I don't think it'll work. 1.00

01:26:26.000 The fuck is not going to work. 1.00

01:26:28.000 You must do it. 1.00

01:26:29.000 It's too small.

01:26:29.000 It's like a tiny little doll.

01:26:31.000 Oh, that's the picture?

01:26:33.000 That's pretty funny. 1.00

01:26:35.000 And the whole time I'm laying there while she's up at me, I'm just looking up her pussy in her butthole. 1.00

01:26:40.000 How high is she? 1.00

01:26:41.000 Fucking amazing. 1.00

01:26:41.000 Her eyes look like scary monsters. 1.00

01:26:44.000 They're just so blue.

01:26:45.000 They're the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen.

01:26:47.000 Keep talking.

01:26:47.000 I'm saying.

01:26:50.000 But she's married to a black wizard. 1.00

01:26:55.000 What? 1.00

01:26:55.000 A black what? 1.00

01:26:56.000 No, I'm just kidding.

01:26:57.000 Is she married? 1.00

01:26:57.000 She's married to another porn star. 1.00

01:26:58.000 Oh, how's that work? 0.99

01:27:00.000 Are they allowed to only bang people on camera?

01:27:02.000 We had Dana DeArmond on once, who's a very cool chick, but she was talking about a relationship she was in once, where she had a relationship with a porn star, but they were only allowed to bang other people in movies. 1.00

01:27:13.000 And she caught them banging other people outside of the movies, and she was mad.

01:27:16.000 How dare you! 0.99

01:27:19.000 I'd be like, what do you do today? 1.00

01:27:21.000 Bitch, I'm working. 1.00

01:27:23.000 I'd be working all day. 1.00

01:27:24.000 If that was like a total loophole in marriages, every man would be a porn star. 0.68

01:27:29.000 We'd all be like, I gotta, listen, honey, times are tough, okay?

01:27:32.000 It's a bad economy.

01:27:34.000 I'm gonna pick up a little money on the side. 1.00

01:27:36.000 Fucking chicks on film. 1.00

01:27:37.000 Yeah, man, it's so embarrassing. 1.00

01:27:38.000 I mean, that's one of the other things about being human. 0.98

01:27:40.000 It's like, you know, you're just trapped in these fucking awful primate monogamy patterns and it's just like embarrassing. 0.99

01:27:47.000 You get jealous or weird and all that shit's embarrassing. 0.99

01:27:51.000 It's like the whole situation, like we're still stuck in this really primitive way of living and we can't get out of it. 0.99

01:27:57.000 Well, it's what it is, is we're becoming aware that it's silly.

01:28:00.000 Whereas for the majority of existence, it was just accepted, and it wasn't what it was, and it was what made you feel good.

01:28:06.000 What makes you feel good?

01:28:07.000 To conquer your enemy.

01:28:08.000 You know, it's like Conan, what is best in life?

01:28:10.000 What is that?

01:28:11.000 To crush your enemies, to see them driven before you, and they hear the laminations of the women. 0.89

01:28:16.000 Yeah, that's so awesome.

01:28:17.000 And he had this, you know, I mean, but that's what it was, man. 0.98

01:28:21.000 In fucking ancient Sumeria, or Sumeria, whatever the fuck he was from, that's what it was about, right? 0.96

01:28:26.000 You know, that's whatever, supposed, you know, it's a fake world, but we're thinking he lived 6,000 years ago, 7,000 years ago. 0.98

01:28:32.000 That's what people did.

01:28:33.000 You know, there wasn't a lot going on.

01:28:35.000 I like the first two, but the third, it's like, I don't want to hear the lamentations.

01:28:40.000 I don't mind crushing my...

01:28:42.000 You don't want to hear them go, oh!

01:28:43.000 That's not lamentation!

01:28:45.000 Laminations? 1.00

01:28:46.000 Lamentation is screaming because you're fucking getting raped by the Mongols. 1.00

01:28:51.000 How do you say lamentations? 1.00

01:28:52.000 Because he says it with a...

01:28:54.000 It's a word that I've never used, ever.

01:28:56.000 Yeah, it's moaning, screaming. 0.99

01:28:58.000 If you use this word, by the way, you're a douchebag. 0.99

01:29:01.000 Lamentations. 0.97

01:29:02.000 If you use that word...

01:29:02.000 You can never use that word.

01:29:04.000 You should hear my wife laminating. 1.00

01:29:07.000 No, is it lamentating?

01:29:08.000 Oh, there's some weird thing about the Jewish prophet Jeremiah.

01:29:11.000 Are you sure it's the same thing?

01:29:13.000 Pretty sure.

01:29:14.000 Definition.

01:29:14.000 I think it's a...

01:29:15.000 Isn't it like a verse or a book of the Bible?

01:29:18.000 Lamentations.

01:29:20.000 Hmm, the act of lamenting?

01:29:22.000 That's the worst definition I've ever heard.

01:29:24.000 Expression of sorrow.

01:29:25.000 Okay, yeah.

01:29:26.000 A cry of sorrow or grief.

01:29:28.000 Lamentations.

01:29:29.000 So that's what it is.

01:29:30.000 The women are crying.

01:29:31.000 Yeah.

01:29:31.000 Until you start...

01:29:33.000 Because they're getting raped. 1.00

01:29:34.000 No, no, the men are getting killed. 1.00

01:29:36.000 No.

01:29:36.000 To crush your enemy.

01:29:37.000 No, no, no, no, no.

01:29:38.000 What that was based on was the Mongols. 0.99

01:29:40.000 And the Mongols would fucking ride in and it was just... 1.00

01:29:42.000 You would sack a village and then you would rape the women. 1.00

01:29:46.000 Are you saying that Conan was based on the Mongols? 0.99

01:29:48.000 I think so.

01:29:49.000 I think they drew a lot from it.

01:29:51.000 Who's they, bro?

01:29:52.000 It's Robert E. Howard.

01:29:53.000 Do you even know about the books? 0.98

01:29:54.000 Yeah, I know he committed suicide, and I used to have the fucking poem he wrote when he got suicide. 0.96

01:29:58.000 I used to have it memorized, but I can't remember it now. 0.97

01:30:00.000 Did you ever read any of the old conans? 0.99

01:30:02.000 Fuck yeah, dude. 1.00

01:30:03.000 Fuck yeah. 1.00

01:30:04.000 These things got me through a depressing high school. 1.00

01:30:06.000 Yeah, I love Tony.

01:30:07.000 That's what I read. 0.85

01:30:07.000 I'm so bummed that apparently the new movie sucks because I was really looking forward to it. 0.85

01:30:11.000 I really wanted to see it.

01:30:13.000 I love those two.

01:30:14.000 Well, I met the guy, too.

01:30:15.000 He came to the UFC once.

01:30:18.000 I was kind of glad that I didn't have to interview him because he was kind of going crazy.

01:30:22.000 I don't know how I would have reacted to it.

01:30:25.000 Not going crazy in the bathroom, but it was all psyched because Chris Lee even won.

01:30:28.000 He was all pumped up and everything.

01:30:29.000 You know, but Goldberg is like, you know, Mr. Professional.

01:30:32.000 Well, all right, tell us about this movie, Conan.

01:30:34.000 You know, Goldberg is like, he's like a super professional play-by-play broadcaster guy.

01:30:39.000 So he can interview somebody if he knew nothing about them.

01:30:42.000 You know, when I interview somebody, if I know nothing about them, I feel weird.

01:30:45.000 Right.

01:30:45.000 But this guy is the perfect Conan.

01:30:48.000 You know, people are giving him shit because they don't like the fact that he's pretty. 1.00

01:30:53.000 People don't like a fucking six-foot-four beautiful. 1.00

01:30:56.000 He's a beautiful man with a sculpted body. 1.00

01:30:58.000 He's in Game of Thrones, right?

01:31:00.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:31:00.000 Dude, he's great in fucking Game of Thrones. 0.99

01:31:02.000 Oh, he would have been good in this. 1.00

01:31:03.000 This movie's a piece of shit. 1.00

01:31:04.000 He's a good Conan. 1.00

01:31:05.000 He's Drogo in Game of Thrones. 1.00

01:31:06.000 There's scenes where he's fighting as Conan that are bad fucking ass. 0.99

01:31:11.000 He's fighting with these things that are made out of sand, these sand monsters. 0.99

01:31:15.000 And the way he moves around, I'm like, you nailed it!

01:31:18.000 That's Robert E. Howard's Conan!

01:31:19.000 That's it!

01:31:20.000 This guy just needs, like, he needs, first of all, you need a singular vision.

01:31:25.000 You need a guy who's a brilliant writer who's a Robert B. Howard fan.

01:31:27.000 Go for it.

01:31:28.000 Create the whole thing.

01:31:29.000 But there's scenes where it's just, like, so preposterous. 1.00

01:31:32.000 They were so dumb. 0.98

01:31:33.000 The final scene with him and his antagonist is, like, one of the dumbest scenes in any action movie ever. 1.00

01:31:39.000 It's almost like they slapped it together in ten minutes and filmed it with an iPhone. 1.00

01:31:43.000 It's so stupid. 1.00

01:31:44.000 Why do they do that? 1.00

01:31:45.000 Why do they do that? 0.99

01:31:46.000 Because there's a bunch of people that want to get their fucking greedy little paws on things. 0.87

01:31:49.000 There's a bunch of different producers, a bunch of different executives, a bunch of different people, and they all have their own vision of how it should work. 0.97

01:31:55.000 This guy, Jason Momoa, is an unknown actor, fairly unknown at least, to carry such a gigantic franchise. 0.94

01:32:00.000 It's a $90 million fucking investment for the studio. 1.00

01:32:04.000 And all these assholes want to stick their dirty fingers in it. 1.00

01:32:06.000 I've seen it, man. 1.00

01:32:07.000 I watched it in a fucking movie. 1.00

01:32:09.000 It's like Contagion. 1.00

01:32:11.000 There was a movie I did called Frank McCluskey CI. I've talked about it once before.

01:32:17.000 I did this movie and I watched this kid who was a really funny kid.

01:32:21.000 I should say his name.

01:32:23.000 It's Dave something.

01:32:24.000 Frank McCluskey CI. Let me look it up just to give this kid props.

01:32:31.000 He was a fucking really funny comedian, man. 0.95

01:32:34.000 He's like, I was watching him, Dave Sheridan. 0.98

01:32:38.000 I was watching him, like, his ad-libs.

01:32:40.000 I was watching the way he performed.

01:32:42.000 He was, like, really over the top, almost Jim Carrey in Ace Ventura-ish.

01:32:48.000 And there was a guy who was on the set who was an executive.

01:32:51.000 And I don't know what production company filmed it. 0.99

01:32:54.000 I was barely paying attention to any of that shit back then. 0.98

01:32:56.000 But this guy had a Rolex on and a super expensive suit with suspenders and cufflinks. 1.00

01:33:04.000 I mean, this was a fucking, this was a baller. 0.96

01:33:07.000 This was some guy who had made a bunch of big, big movies already and made a ton of money and was dressing on this movie set in a way that I'd really never seen anybody dress in a movie set. 0.99

01:33:16.000 To me, it was ridiculous.

01:33:18.000 And he was wearing this ridiculous, it was so obvious he had a ton of money. 0.97

01:33:22.000 And he was giving this kid line readings. 0.72

01:33:27.000 This kid was doing his scene and the kid would do the scene and he would go, okay, okay, okay.

01:33:32.000 Instead of that, how about this?

01:33:33.000 How about you walk in, you step one foot on the floor, you throw your legs up and he made it himself.

01:33:40.000 He did his own little interpretation of what he thought would be awesome in the scene. 0.99

01:33:44.000 And I was like, God damn, here his ego wanna mock some completely uncreative fuckhead wearing cufflinks is telling this really funny kid what to do. 0.99

01:33:58.000 And I was watching it erode right before my eyes. 1.00

01:34:01.000 I was watching what was like a really funny script and a really zany, kind of silly actor. 0.61

01:34:06.000 I was like, oh, that's kind of fun. 0.96

01:34:08.000 I watched them poison it. 0.99

01:34:09.000 I watched them stick their dirty fingers in it. 1.00

01:34:12.000 And that's what Conan smelled like. 0.90

01:34:14.000 Conan smelled like. 0.99

01:34:15.000 Like, one guy thought we could do it right, and we could recreate Robert E. Howard's version of Conan, and we could have, you know, fucking monsters and sorcery and all kinds of crazy shit that he fights against. 0.99

01:34:26.000 We could do this. 0.99

01:34:27.000 This is going to be fucking wild. 0.98

01:34:28.000 And the studio's like, we're in. 0.98

01:34:30.000 We got Jason Momoa from the Game of Thrones.

01:34:32.000 Look at him.

01:34:32.000 He's six foot five.

01:34:33.000 He's a fucking male model. 1.00

01:34:35.000 He's built like Hercules. 1.00

01:34:36.000 This guy's Conan.

01:34:37.000 He is Conan.

01:34:37.000 I want you to meet him.

01:34:38.000 I am Conan. 0.99

01:34:39.000 He's fucking Conan! 1.00

01:34:41.000 They get all fired up, they do lines, and then they start rewriting the script. 1.00

01:34:43.000 The executives say, these guys don't know fucking movies like I know fucking movies! 1.00

01:34:47.000 I produce 25 fucking movies! 1.00

01:34:49.000 And they start getting their dirty little stinky jizz-covered paws all over that script, and they start fucking dropping coke rocks out of their fucking nose on keywords. 1.00

01:35:00.000 They blow it! 1.00

01:35:01.000 They blow it, though, fucks! 1.00

01:35:02.000 So when people... 1.00

01:35:04.000 Or not.

01:35:04.000 To get back to the idea we were talking about...

01:35:05.000 Could have been a totally different scenario, I'll just...

01:35:07.000 This is just for entertainment purposes, folks.

01:35:09.000 Please don't show me.

01:35:11.000 The thing we were talking about at the beginning, when people are used to free entertainment, they want it to stay free.

01:35:18.000 And a lot of people, when they watch NBC or ABC or CBS or any of these shows, they think they're getting free entertainment.

01:35:24.000 But they're not getting free entertainment.

01:35:27.000 They're paying with their attention on the advertisements, but more than that, they're paying in the form of getting diluted entertainment. 0.99

01:35:34.000 They're getting shit that's got... 0.99

01:35:35.000 that's that thing that you just described every show on a network has had almost every show has had that exact same thing applied to it in so many different ways because the executives want to sell antidepressants or they want to sell chevrolet's or whatever the fuck they're advertising on the show so and have you ever had this experience personally Where shit got diluted? 0.99

01:35:58.000 My one experience with a show that didn't get picked up by Comedy Central, weirdly, because I was prepared for this, I was like, they're going to, they're going to, Comedy Central will ruin my vision!

01:36:07.000 And the first round of notes that came back was awesome!

01:36:10.000 It was great notes, really smart, it was like, it made, the notes made sense, there wasn't any kind of weird, like, oh yes, wait, no, no, no, I did have it happen.

01:36:19.000 I did have it happen when I made some stuff for Fuel TV for this show called Stupid Face.

01:36:27.000 I love the name of that show. 0.92

01:36:28.000 That's where we made a galaxy cabin, log cabin, and space.

01:36:31.000 Oh, the thing with Joey Diaz living in someone's neck?

01:36:33.000 Explain that, please. 0.97

01:36:35.000 Explain how ridiculous it is. 0.68

01:36:36.000 What was Joey Diaz doing? 0.94

01:36:37.000 He played a fisherman.

01:36:39.000 Well, the story was about...

01:36:40.000 I played a mountain man. 0.99

01:36:42.000 And my friend Brian Jarvis played a space captain and something had happened where he'd gotten sucked into a black hole and a flood had sucked my cabin into a black hole at the same time and now we fly through space in this cabin and we're just idiots and like, it's just the stupidest... 0.97

01:37:00.000 I wish we'd had a bigger budget, though, man, because it's such a funny idea. 1.00

01:37:03.000 It's so stupid. 0.99

01:37:04.000 I wish they gave us more money. 1.00

01:37:05.000 I know!

01:37:06.000 I know!

01:37:06.000 Because we had no budget for the thing.

01:37:08.000 We had, like, a green screen.

01:37:09.000 So Joey Diaz's episode was, we're, like, in the cabin, and my grandfather comes, like, knocks on the door of the cabin in space, and I'm like...

01:37:20.000 Granddaddy, I thought you were dead!

01:37:23.000 And he's like, he wants the space commander's ring.

01:37:26.000 He's like, let me see your friend's ring there.

01:37:29.000 And my friend's like, I'm not sure this is your grandfather, Red.

01:37:32.000 And then, basically, it was an alien living in the neck of my dead granddaddy.

01:37:38.000 An alien living in the neck of your dead grandfather.

01:37:40.000 And that was Joey Diaz.

01:37:42.000 And he was called the fisherman, and he was in a rain slicker.

01:37:45.000 It was too small for him, remember?

01:37:47.000 Yeah, it was too small, and he was floating on a canoe.

01:37:49.000 Joey Diaz nailed it, too. 1.00

01:37:51.000 If you ever had children, and you and your wife were getting divorced, she would bring that fucking video to a court and say, this is the kind of shit I gotta deal with. 1.00

01:38:03.000 UN. You know, that's another thing, to fight for the kids. 1.00

01:38:07.000 No, you win!

01:38:08.000 You get the kids!

01:38:09.000 You can keep them!

01:38:10.000 Oh, well, you don't want it, man. 0.74

01:38:12.000 Once you become attached to the kids, if your wife is crazy, it becomes a real issue with people. 1.00

01:38:16.000 Or if you feel like your wife is going to lie and turn your kids on you. 0.99

01:38:19.000 That's what a lot of men think.

01:38:20.000 A lot of men are worried about it. 1.00

01:38:23.000 Listen, man, when someone fucking hates you and they talk shit about you all day, that's a terrible thing. 1.00

01:38:27.000 If you go over your mom's house, your mom is just constantly talking shit about your dad. 1.00

01:38:32.000 You go over your dad's house, your dad's constantly talking shit about your mom. 1.00

01:38:35.000 It's like, Jesus Christ, how the fuck am I ever going to have a normal relationship? 1.00

01:38:39.000 I'm five, you dumb cunts. 1.00

01:38:41.000 You fuckheads don't even know how to get along civilly outside of your fuck time. 1.00

01:38:45.000 You stop fucking and now you hate each other. 1.00

01:38:48.000 You have kids, you don't want to be together. 1.00

01:38:50.000 Grow the fuck up. 1.00

01:38:51.000 You got a kid, dummy. 1.00

01:38:52.000 Yeah, well, you know, man, the thing about that shit, man, is that, well, the thing I'm realizing is there's a fucking shitty network executive in everyone's life, or most people's lives. 1.00

01:39:02.000 It's like, that shit doesn't just stop at the networks. 1.00

01:39:05.000 Way worse than that, dude. 1.00

01:39:06.000 Most people have bosses. 1.00

01:39:08.000 Bosses are way, way, way, way, way worse than shitty network executives. 1.00

01:39:12.000 Because even if you've got a shitty network executive, you're on fucking TV, dude. 0.99

01:39:16.000 You've got a television show, you're doing something wild and crazy that very few people ever get to do. 0.99

01:39:22.000 I've dealt with network executives. 0.99

01:39:25.000 When we did the man show, we got fucked. 1.00

01:39:27.000 Doug and I both got fucked. 1.00

01:39:28.000 It was a disaster. 1.00

01:39:29.000 And I watched other people get fucked when I was doing news radio. 0.99

01:39:32.000 I watched the influence. 0.99

01:39:34.000 I've seen things that could have been really good get fucked with and become bad.

01:39:39.000 Or when people don't believe in things because the ratings are not good, all of a sudden they want to bring in people. 0.98

01:39:43.000 They want to bring in men and bring in women and hot chicks. 1.00

01:39:47.000 We're going to mix this up. 0.99

01:39:48.000 And the network has all their nutty fucking ideas on how to tune things up and make them more exciting. 0.99

01:39:53.000 It's gross. 1.00

01:39:53.000 It's annoying as fuck, man. 1.00

01:39:55.000 What they're supposed to do is promote the shit out of the show. 1.00

01:39:58.000 And if it's not good, if it doesn't get good ratings, just cancel that piece of shit. 1.00

01:40:02.000 Don't smell it! 1.00

01:40:02.000 What you don't want to do is get a bunch of network executives who generally are uncreative people, influencing creative people. 1.00

01:40:10.000 The creative people, either they do it or they don't do it.

01:40:13.000 Either it works or it doesn't work.

01:40:15.000 That's what I think.

01:40:16.000 But when executives start digging in, very few know what they're doing.

01:40:22.000 Very few know creatively.

01:40:25.000 Yeah, it's like the time when we were doing Stupid Face, the guy, here's the weird thing, the executive, like there are two guys who are these skateboarders named Ted and Laban who are the main producers and they're awesome, just crazy awesome brilliant guys.

01:40:41.000 Then above them was this guy that they had to pass everything through.

01:40:48.000 You know, this was good, but it would be better if we could make it more laughy.

01:41:04.000 Whoa.

01:41:04.000 You know what I mean?

01:41:05.000 Like, kind of ambiguous notes.

01:41:06.000 We're like, well, how do I make something laughy?

01:41:09.000 Or more like, you know what I mean?

01:41:10.000 There's like, do you mean fun?

01:41:11.000 What are your specific problems with it?

01:41:13.000 But that was the one experience I had with that.

01:41:16.000 But I have obviously heard shitloads of people having these problems.

01:41:21.000 It's kind of like, remember when you were in reading class, when you were learning to read as a kid, and you'd sit in a circle and you'd read?

01:41:27.000 And there was always that kid who slowed the whole thing down.

01:41:30.000 It would get to that one kid who's like, there is...

01:41:35.000 And you knew how to read. 0.99

01:41:37.000 You could read pretty fast, but the whole fucking thing, lunch, was being fucking pushed back because of this one thing. 0.98

01:41:42.000 Well, in the same way, those people insert themselves into power positions, right? 0.98

01:41:46.000 And they'll put themselves into creative power positions. 0.51

01:41:49.000 They're everywhere.

01:41:50.000 They've infected everything, but now they have power.

01:41:55.000 Let me tell you something. 0.95

01:41:57.000 That's an unrealistic characterization because it's very fucking difficult to become a network executive. 0.82

01:42:03.000 Most of them are very intelligent. 0.94

01:42:04.000 They're not shitty readers.

01:42:05.000 No, I don't mean they can't read.

01:42:07.000 I mean, they're like that for creativity.

01:42:09.000 I'm saying their skill level for creativity is the same as the kid who can't read.

01:42:13.000 I thought you were talking about those people.

01:42:15.000 No, hopefully those people learn to read.

01:42:18.000 I think it's an ego thing entirely.

01:42:20.000 I think they become successful, and successful people think they're good at everything.

01:42:22.000 That's why people who are successful at one thing don't like learning other things.

01:42:26.000 One of the biggest problems in mixed martial arts fighters is people who have a specialty.

01:42:30.000 And don't want to learn another specialty.

01:42:32.000 They become very, very one-dimensional.

01:42:35.000 There's a lot of fighters like that where they're really good kickboxers and they never learn how to wrestle or do jiu-jitsu.

01:42:40.000 Isn't that good?

01:42:40.000 Is there something good about that?

01:42:41.000 No, it's terrible.

01:42:42.000 It's terrible for them.

01:42:43.000 And the problem is they're not willing to be a novice.

01:42:46.000 They're so good at that one thing that that's the thing they want to train all the time because they're so good at it.

01:42:50.000 But whenever you see...

01:42:51.000 Someone was just showing me this website for this actress.

01:42:54.000 And it's her resume.

01:42:55.000 And it's like, director, actor, producer, writer.

01:43:00.000 There was like seven things that she said she was. 0.99

01:43:02.000 And it was like, oh God, give me a fucking break. 0.98

01:43:06.000 And then like the... 0.99

01:43:08.000 She had quotes, you know, like references.

01:43:11.000 Intuitive healer. 1.00

01:43:11.000 That shit, yeah. 1.00

01:43:13.000 Spiritual guide. 1.00

01:43:14.000 And some people do it.

01:43:15.000 Some people do it.

01:43:16.000 Some people will have nine things going at once.

01:43:19.000 But there's something I respect in people who are just focused on this one thing.

01:43:24.000 They're a writer.

01:43:26.000 That's what they do.

01:43:27.000 They just write.

01:43:29.000 I think that's cool. 0.98

01:43:29.000 Well, being a comic, I do a lot of other shit besides comedy. 0.98

01:43:33.000 I do the UFC and do other things. 0.88

01:43:36.000 So what I've managed to do is be a professional me.

01:43:40.000 I'm me, professionally.

01:43:43.000 And so I put me in certain situations.

01:43:46.000 I put me in a situation where There's some fights going on, I have to explain what's going on In a way that people are going to think it's entertaining And ingest that And then there's other me where I'm going on a stage In front of a bunch of people And I'm going to say things in a certain way That's going to make them laugh Or me and I'm talking on the internet On a podcast Or me and I'm Getting people to do something fucked up On Fear Factor I'm a professional me What's that?

01:44:15.000 I wish you could talk about that thing.

01:44:17.000 Oh yeah, I wish I could too, but I cannot, sir.

01:44:19.000 He has photos of something he can't talk about on his phone.

01:44:22.000 We'll be able to talk about it eventually.

01:44:23.000 It's the most amazing thing I've ever seen.

01:44:25.000 It's insane.

01:44:26.000 Oh, it's terrible.

01:44:27.000 It's terrible.

01:44:27.000 It's amazing.

01:44:28.000 It's amazing the difference between 2002 Fear Factor and 2011 Fear Factor.

01:44:33.000 It's like they mixed internet in with it.

01:44:35.000 Yes, that's exactly what happened.

01:44:37.000 The internet, no question about it, has changed our line in the sand.

01:44:41.000 No, it reminds me of when rap turned into gangster rap.

01:44:44.000 Remember that transition?

01:44:45.000 This is way crazier than that, dude.

01:44:47.000 I mean, a hip hop, a hibbit to the hibbity hip hop to, you know, like some NWA or something like that.

01:44:53.000 It's Trinidad Compton! 0.68

01:44:54.000 It's terrible.

01:44:55.000 Yeah, exactly.

01:44:55.000 It's terrible.

01:44:57.000 It is.

01:44:57.000 I gagged.

01:44:58.000 I guess so.

01:44:58.000 By the way, when you were just talking about it as I was drinking the coconut water, I gagged.

01:45:05.000 I'm immune.

01:45:06.000 I was right there.

01:45:07.000 Not only was I right there, I was right there while there was people vomiting and nothing.

01:45:12.000 I'm immune to vomit.

01:45:13.000 It's crazy, man.

01:45:14.000 My little baby threw up in the bed the other night.

01:45:17.000 It's sad.

01:45:18.000 She's okay.

01:45:20.000 Sometimes kids that cough while they have food in their mouth and you just throw up.

01:45:23.000 Sure, you have to throw up all the food.

01:45:24.000 Yeah, but cats are gross, dude. 0.92

01:45:26.000 Why do they throw up so much?

01:45:28.000 Because they lick their hair, man. 0.99

01:45:29.000 And they eat turds. 0.98

01:45:31.000 They lick their own hair.

01:45:32.000 That's one reason. 0.98

01:45:33.000 They eat their own hair and they have to throw up those hair balls. 1.00

01:45:35.000 Sometimes they get food in.

01:45:37.000 She throws up three times a week.

01:45:39.000 Three, four times a week.

01:45:40.000 They eat turds. 0.65

01:45:40.000 My female. 0.65

01:45:41.000 I'm not alone.

01:45:41.000 My male doesn't throw up.

01:45:43.000 Exactly.

01:45:43.000 Same here.

01:45:44.000 100%.

01:45:44.000 And you know what else I've done?

01:45:45.000 I've started bringing them to the groomer, which is great for them because it's hot as fuck out here in California. 0.98

01:45:50.000 And so I don't let them out. 0.97

01:45:51.000 I do let them out in the courtyard sometimes.

01:45:53.000 But outdoor cats, you know, I believe that cats should be free.

01:45:57.000 And I've had outdoor cats in my life.

01:45:59.000 And I believe that's the best way for cats. 1.00

01:46:01.000 But I'm terrified of that fucking toxoplasma shit. 1.00

01:46:04.000 You know, you can say that that's ridiculous. 1.00

01:46:06.000 But if you read about it, I might have it. 0.87

01:46:08.000 I might.

01:46:09.000 You gotta talk in your microphone, homeboy.

01:46:11.000 You gotta talk in your microphone.

01:46:12.000 I'm 100% serious that I will take a test.

01:46:14.000 We should all take a test.

01:46:15.000 You have to put your headphones on.

01:46:16.000 You think you have it?

01:46:19.000 No, I don't think I have it, but I think we definitely need to take a test.

01:46:22.000 I think you're right.

01:46:22.000 We should do it on the show.

01:46:24.000 Yeah, you're right.

01:46:25.000 I think Joey Diaz has it.

01:46:26.000 By the way, you can have it and be a healthy person.

01:46:29.000 It just affects your judgment, apparently, or has a effect.

01:46:34.000 Look, if you're slightly cranky, that also affects your judgment.

01:46:37.000 There's a lot of things that affect your judgment.

01:46:39.000 If you haven't gotten enough sleep, if you're in a bad relationship, there's things that affect your judgment.

01:46:43.000 I know I've got it. 1.00

01:46:44.000 I fucking changed so many bags of cat litter when I was a kid, just breathing in that shit. 1.00

01:46:49.000 Well, that is probably not to worry. 1.00

01:46:52.000 I worry because I've had feral cats.

01:46:54.000 I had a wild cat.

01:46:55.000 Oh, I did too.

01:46:56.000 I captured six kittens, brought them back to my apartment.

01:46:58.000 Oh, we both have.

01:46:59.000 Feral kittens.

01:47:00.000 I'm festering.

01:47:01.000 Did you carry them around by their neck, by your mouth?

01:47:03.000 I caught them in a box. 1.00

01:47:06.000 I caught them in a box at a construction site, and they were assholes, man. 1.00

01:47:10.000 I wish I'd never done it. 0.99

01:47:12.000 Well, they're scared of people, but they will bond to one person and really, really be attached to them.

01:47:16.000 My cat was super attached to me, but terrified of everybody else, man.

01:47:19.000 I was too young to have cats.

01:47:20.000 What?

01:47:22.000 Why?

01:47:23.000 Because I was an idiot. 1.00

01:47:25.000 You've got to have a lot of responsibility after pets. 1.00

01:47:27.000 No, you don't.

01:47:27.000 Cats are like the easiest thing.

01:47:29.000 It's easier than a fucking hamster. 1.00

01:47:30.000 People don't understand. 1.00

01:47:31.000 Well, it's more responsibility than a plant.

01:47:33.000 Yeah.

01:47:34.000 And also, depending on your conditioning, some people raise other people to think that cats are like one step above a steak. 0.61

01:47:44.000 A lot of people don't have animal empathy, so they're really shitty with their animals. 0.96

01:47:49.000 That's horrible.

01:47:49.000 Like when you drive by someone's porch and they've got a dog on like a tiny little chain and they think that's normal.

01:47:55.000 People think that's normal.

01:47:56.000 Or people only like walk their dogs for, or dogs who don't have a backyard, people only walk their dogs for like five minutes a day.

01:48:04.000 Like you can't do that.

01:48:05.000 You have to, a dog, you have to walk your dog like 45 minutes a day.

01:48:09.000 Never walk my dog, ever.

01:48:10.000 You should.

01:48:11.000 He hates walking.

01:48:12.000 Well, you mean you should if you don't have a big yard, or you just should, no matter what?

01:48:15.000 I mean, for what it's worth, that's what the dog whisperer said.

01:48:18.000 He said dogs need like a 45 minute...

01:48:20.000 Not all dogs.

01:48:21.000 I don't remember.

01:48:23.000 Dog whisperer.

01:48:24.000 My dog loves it!

01:48:26.000 That's the point.

01:48:26.000 My dog loves a good long walk.

01:48:28.000 Of course they do. 1.00

01:48:29.000 It's like, clearly, like, who wants to be cooped up in a fucking house all day? 1.00

01:48:32.000 My dog. 1.00

01:48:33.000 That's totally true.

01:48:33.000 I have one solution with my dogs.

01:48:35.000 I have a giant yard.

01:48:36.000 I have a yard for my dogs only that's a full acre, wooded.

01:48:40.000 It's all pine trees. 0.99

01:48:42.000 All day, they're just fucking chasing squirrels and having a party up there. 0.98

01:48:45.000 Yeah, that's fine. 0.98

01:48:46.000 Yeah, but I bought this place specifically because it had this big lot next to it, and I knew that I'd keep my dogs in.

01:48:53.000 Yeah.

01:48:53.000 I feel like if you have dogs, man, you have a responsibility to give those dogs a fun environment.

01:48:58.000 Totally. 1.00

01:48:59.000 My dogs are happy as fuck. 1.00

01:49:01.000 You come near my dogs, they're wagging their tail and shit. 1.00

01:49:03.000 They're never freaking out that they're stuck in this yard. 1.00

01:49:05.000 Their yard's huge.

01:49:07.000 It's a full acre.

01:49:08.000 Yeah.

01:49:08.000 Yeah, I think I've basically transformed my dog into a monkey.

01:49:12.000 My dog's turned into something more than a dog.

01:49:14.000 It's amazing.

01:49:14.000 I treat my dog like a person, and I feel like my dog understands that.

01:49:19.000 I think that dogs can become these amazing creatures if you give them enough love. 1.00

01:49:24.000 But people are dumb and they don't get that. 1.00

01:49:27.000 And so they like, give them some dry food and water and let them lay on the couch all fucking day. 1.00

01:49:32.000 It says it doesn't want to do that. 0.98

01:49:34.000 They want walks, man.

01:49:35.000 If your dog doesn't...

01:49:36.000 Well, they want attention.

01:49:37.000 They want attention.

01:49:37.000 And they want stimulation, too.

01:49:39.000 And they want to be outside.

01:49:40.000 Yes.

01:49:40.000 They need the outside.

01:49:42.000 They need the air.

01:49:43.000 They need the...

01:49:44.000 Squirrels to bark at.

01:49:45.000 My dogs really loved it when we lived in Colorado.

01:49:47.000 Because when we lived in Colorado, they were just roam free.

01:49:50.000 I was on 148 acres in the mountains.

01:49:52.000 So I didn't have a fence.

01:49:54.000 I just let them outside.

01:49:55.000 What I did was, we were there every day for weeks, and we let them know, this is where everybody lives.

01:50:00.000 Okay, this is where we live now.

01:50:01.000 And they figured it out really quick.

01:50:02.000 And I just did it totally natural style.

01:50:04.000 I just walked them with me.

01:50:06.000 I took them with me on walks.

01:50:08.000 We scouted our perimeter.

01:50:09.000 They got ahead of me sometimes.

01:50:10.000 But when they got ahead of me, they always went right back to the house if we lost them.

01:50:13.000 It was pretty interesting.

01:50:15.000 Until the dog got eaten by the mountain lion, of course.

01:50:17.000 Cheers.

01:50:19.000 If you play the Joe Rogan drinking game, you have to drink when I bring up the traumatic story of my poor little nonny face.

01:50:26.000 Oh, that's so sad!

01:50:29.000 It's my little buddy.

01:50:30.000 It's a sad story. 0.99

01:50:31.000 Did you hear about this fucking shit about lifelike cells made of metal that they've figured out a way and they're theorizing now that there might be living things out there in the universe that evolve from metal? 0.99

01:50:44.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:50:45.000 Like fucking Terminator type shit. 1.00

01:50:47.000 I saw that. 1.00

01:50:48.000 Yeah, of course. 1.00

01:50:50.000 What the fuck, man? 1.00

01:50:52.000 That's the same thing. 1.00

01:50:52.000 People thinking that human life has to be carbon-based. 1.00

01:50:57.000 Isn't that the same thing as thinking that Earth is in the center of the fucking universe? 0.99

01:51:01.000 It's the same silly idea. 0.98

01:51:03.000 The scientist said, listen to the statement, I am 100% positive that we can get evolution to work outside organic biology. 0.98

01:51:11.000 How fucking scary is that? 0.92

01:51:15.000 Yeah, totally. 0.98

01:51:16.000 That's what the article says.

01:51:17.000 It's probably like that monkey boy from the old Sun TV or the National Enquirer, the screaming monkey boy.

01:51:22.000 It says monkey boy.

01:51:23.000 Oh, it says Mr. Scientist fellow.

01:51:27.000 He's from, his name is Lee Cronin.

01:51:30.000 So what do you have to be a scientist?

01:51:31.000 Do you have to go to school or can you just research things and call yourself a scientist?

01:51:35.000 That's an interesting point.

01:51:36.000 That's a great question.

01:51:37.000 I think you have to have some sort of a degree to be taken seriously.

01:51:39.000 Can your mom write you the degree and say it's from her college in her backyard? 1.00

01:51:42.000 No, you silly goose. 0.99

01:51:43.000 This guy's from the University of Glasgow. 0.99

01:51:44.000 He's from Scotland.

01:51:46.000 And his building blocks are largely, oh Jesus, say this word, polyoxometalitis.

01:51:57.000 Polyoxometallites?

01:51:58.000 Oh, you mean polyoxometallites.

01:52:00.000 Oh, yes.

01:52:00.000 I mean polyoxometallites.

01:52:05.000 Yes, that's it.

01:52:06.000 Made of a range of metal atoms, mostly tungsten, linked to oxygen and phosphorus.

01:52:11.000 By simply mixing them in a solution, he can get them to self-assemble into cell-like spheres.

01:52:18.000 Whoa.

01:52:19.000 That's cool. 0.96

01:52:19.000 Could you imagine if we fucking showed up on some planet somewhere and they really were like Maximus Prime? 0.96

01:52:25.000 They were like the Transformers. 0.96

01:52:27.000 The Transformers were real, man.

01:52:29.000 This should have released this.

01:52:30.000 If they released this just six months or six weeks, rather, before the Transformers movie came out and they could have this information along with their teasers, it could be a more exciting movie for me. 0.99

01:52:41.000 Because I'd be like, maybe it's not so preposterous that these big stupid fucking cars become people-saving robots. 1.00

01:52:48.000 Like, they give a fucking flying shit about people. 1.00

01:52:51.000 Dude, what about the sun? 1.00

01:52:52.000 I mean, maybe the sun's alive.

01:52:55.000 That, to me, it's like, why think about other planets?

01:52:57.000 You have the source of all life on this planet, the main energy source for all life on this planet, outside of things that are getting it from, like, steam vents at the bottom of the sea through Things that are living in thermal ducts or whatever.

01:53:11.000 I'll go you one further.

01:53:12.000 Please.

01:53:12.000 We're made out of stars.

01:53:15.000 We're literally... 1.00

01:53:16.000 Every fucking single piece of your body is stardust. 1.00

01:53:20.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:53:21.000 I mean, that is what happens. 0.99

01:53:23.000 Human biology is a direct result of fucking suns blowing up. 0.98

01:53:28.000 Yeah, that's right. 0.99

01:53:29.000 That's the only way you get the information to make human beings or the materials.

01:53:34.000 It's so incredible that... 0.96

01:53:36.000 It sounds ridiculous. 0.87

01:53:37.000 It sounds like a Kenny Rogers song. 1.00

01:53:38.000 We're like retarded stars. 0.98

01:53:42.000 No, not just Kenny Rogers. 0.99

01:53:44.000 Kenny Loggins.

01:53:45.000 Kenny Loggins. 1.00

01:53:46.000 No, it sounds like the fucking Highwaymen. 0.99

01:53:49.000 I was a highwayman. 0.99

01:53:50.000 Yeah.

01:53:51.000 Across the ghost coast.

01:53:52.000 If the sun's alive, where does it pick?

01:53:55.000 Sword and pistol by my son.

01:53:57.000 God, I love that song.

01:53:58.000 It's a great song, man.

01:53:59.000 When Johnny Cash comes on, I ride a starship.

01:54:02.000 Across the universe divide.

01:54:05.000 And when I reach the other side, I'll find the other side.

01:54:10.000 Yeah, if you haven't seen it, it's a song of the Highwaymen.

01:54:13.000 Look it up.

01:54:13.000 It's about, look it up, Brian.

01:54:14.000 We already violated our music law today.

01:54:17.000 That album's great anyway.

01:54:17.000 This is what happens when we get drunk.

01:54:18.000 That's one it I have to do.

01:54:19.000 We open ourselves up to get sued.

01:54:20.000 Aaron Lewis, please don't sue me. 1.00

01:54:22.000 You think your fucking music's awesome. 0.99

01:54:23.000 I love it too. 1.00

01:54:24.000 Hammer that wine.

01:54:25.000 I'm hammered, son.

01:54:27.000 I'm officially hammered.

01:54:28.000 I think I've got blood points for drinking too much fake blood.

01:54:31.000 We're stoned.

01:54:33.000 We're drinking wine.

01:54:34.000 I'm on intelligence pills. 0.99

01:54:36.000 I ate so much fake blood today, I think I might shit out drinking coconut water. 0.94

01:54:41.000 What's it made out of? 0.98

01:54:42.000 I don't know, but they said not to drink it, but they were squirting it in my face, and I drank it.

01:54:47.000 Wow.

01:54:47.000 They said not to drink it, but you drank it.

01:54:49.000 You're so clever.

01:54:50.000 Cheers. 0.97

01:54:50.000 Cheers to my favorite, my little retard buddy. 0.97

01:54:54.000 You're not a retard. 0.99

01:54:55.000 You're not a retard. 0.62

01:54:56.000 You only play one on the podcast.

01:54:58.000 Your life is awesome.

01:55:03.000 Ari Shafir is going to branch out on his own and have his own podcast on iTunes.

01:55:07.000 He just wanted to do it frequently.

01:55:09.000 He also wants to do it.

01:55:11.000 It's hard to do.

01:55:12.000 Your podcast is getting super popular.

01:55:15.000 You've got so many people that are doing it.

01:55:16.000 If you don't know, Brian has a whole network of podcasts on iTunes called Death Squad.

01:55:20.000 It's with a bunch of great comics.

01:55:23.000 There's Sam Tripoli, he's got a podcast, and now John Reap and John Heffron are buddies.

01:55:27.000 Are doing a podcast.

01:55:29.000 And Tom Segura and his wife are doing a podcast.

01:55:33.000 Sam Tripoli is doing a podcast.

01:55:34.000 Did I miss anybody?

01:55:36.000 Little Esther once in a while does one.

01:55:38.000 Brody does one when he's feeling good.

01:55:40.000 And...

01:55:41.000 I like how you phrased that.

01:55:43.000 They just had Steve-O on, and they've had a bunch of really good ones.

01:55:46.000 We had Steve-O the day before that Mike Tyson and him ran into each other.

01:55:50.000 What happened?

01:55:51.000 You didn't hear what happened at the roast?

01:55:52.000 The Charlie Sheen roast.

01:55:54.000 Now, I heard from word of word of word.

01:55:57.000 The internet?

01:55:58.000 No, people.

01:55:59.000 I heard that...

01:56:00.000 Is it on the internet?

01:56:01.000 Did you search it?

01:56:02.000 They just recorded it Saturday.

01:56:04.000 Supposedly, Steve-O asked Mike Tyson if he could run into his fist with his face.

01:56:11.000 No.

01:56:11.000 And when he did it, he broke his nose, and he has a picture on Steve-O's on Twitter with two black eyes.

01:56:18.000 By the way, Steve-O wants to come on this podcast.

01:56:20.000 I would love to have him on.

01:56:21.000 He'd love to.

01:56:22.000 What were you talking about?

01:56:23.000 We're going to do Judah Friedlander. 0.92

01:56:24.000 He's going to come on, too.

01:56:25.000 My buddy Judah just contacted me.

01:56:27.000 He's number one.

01:56:28.000 He's hilarious.

01:56:29.000 And Max Kellerman, who is the HBO boxing analyst, my personal favorite boxing analyst, next to Jim Lampley, who's also, those two guys together are my two favorite boxing analysts.

01:56:41.000 You know, a lot of people think that because I do the commentary for the UFC that I don't like boxing.

01:56:45.000 I am a gigantic boxing fan.

01:56:47.000 I've been my whole life. 0.99

01:56:52.000 He's a fucking huge, huge boxing fan. 0.99

01:56:57.000 He bets ridiculous amounts of money on Pacquiao fights, on Floyd Mayweather fights. 1.00

01:57:02.000 He's a fucking huge fan. 0.97

01:57:03.000 But Max Kellerman, we're both fans of Max. 1.00

01:57:07.000 And he's cool as fuck. 0.83

01:57:08.000 He's a really interesting guy. 0.98

01:57:09.000 And he used to be a rapper.

01:57:11.000 So it's going to be...

01:57:12.000 He's a white guy, too.

01:57:13.000 And he used to be a rapper. 0.99

01:57:16.000 And he's really cool as fuck. 0.97

01:57:18.000 That's cool. 0.95

01:57:19.000 And he's going to be on the podcast, too.

01:57:20.000 Yeah.

01:57:20.000 But Judah Friedlander and Graham Hancock.

01:57:22.000 We're going to work out Graham Hancock.

01:57:24.000 And the way this is going to work, Brian, is we're going to have to do it probably, most likely, in Irvine.

01:57:28.000 Because he's doing some seminars down there.

01:57:30.000 And he only has, like, one day off. 0.97

01:57:31.000 And I feel bad that he has to drive all the way the fuck here. 0.97

01:57:33.000 Yeah, that's bad. 0.96

01:57:34.000 Maybe we can get a spot at the Irvine.

01:57:37.000 What I want to do is we're going to have to talk after the show. 0.98

01:57:41.000 We're going to have to figure out a way to make this shit mobile. 0.90

01:57:43.000 The sound guy we use for the Lavender Hour has just innovated a mobile podcast kit and I'm sure he'd help you guys out. 0.98

01:57:51.000 Shazam! 0.80

01:57:52.000 We all have one.

01:57:53.000 It's called a laptop.

01:57:55.000 It's like equipment.

01:57:57.000 This kid's a sound engineer.

01:57:59.000 He went to college for it.

01:58:01.000 This guy's a sound engineer.

01:58:02.000 We should listen to him. 1.00

01:58:04.000 What the fuck, Brian? 0.99

01:58:05.000 Anyway, so we'll do that. 0.99

01:58:07.000 But the bottom line is that we're going to go to Irvine and we're going to talk to Graham and see if we can make sure that this happens.

01:58:14.000 But Graham Hancock emailed me out of the blue.

01:58:16.000 It was one of the fucking coolest things in my life. 0.83

01:58:18.000 If you don't... 0.97

01:58:19.000 Well, the coolest thing so far of this whole thing...

01:58:22.000 How about this?

01:58:23.000 The coolest thing of my entire showbiz experience, right up there with my Spike TV special, which is my favorite special, is Anthony Bourdain doing the podcast.

01:58:33.000 That's...

01:58:33.000 That was pretty crazy.

01:58:34.000 Get a room. 0.99

01:58:35.000 That was cool as fuck. 0.99

01:58:36.000 I definitely got starstruck. 0.98

01:58:37.000 But the next coolest thing, and maybe even cooler if it's possible, is this Graham Hancock interview.

01:58:42.000 Because if you don't know who Graham Hancock is, I want you to go and research fingerprints of the gods if you're so inclined, if you're interested in this.

01:58:49.000 But what a fascinating guy who's basically dedicated his whole life to the very controversial and unpopular idea that human beings have been around perhaps far longer in this advanced state of civilization that we currently enjoy than we give credit to.

01:59:05.000 And in fact, there's been some huge ups and huge downs throughout history.

01:59:09.000 And it's not simply one straight path from caveman to Wi-Fi.

01:59:14.000 And that along the way, there's been some disasters.

01:59:17.000 And that this can be clearly...

01:59:20.000 I wouldn't say that it can be proven, but what I can say is enough evidence can be brought forth that makes you completely question the current ideas of the timelines of human history.

01:59:34.000 And this guy, Graham Hancock, is responsible for his book Fingerprints of the Gods, completely changing the way I look at civilization.

01:59:41.000 Dude, did you send me... 0.99

01:59:42.000 Were you the one who sent me the fucking... 1.00

01:59:44.000 Video of that Mayan pyramid that they just found? 1.00

01:59:47.000 Yes. 1.00

01:59:47.000 Holy shit. 1.00

01:59:48.000 In Guatemala, yeah. 0.99

01:59:49.000 The single largest pyramid by volume on Earth, and it was covered in jungle.

01:59:55.000 They didn't even know it existed.

01:59:57.000 Really?

01:59:57.000 Yes, not only that, but it has a, you know, when the Spanish came and when the Mayans were conquered, you know, in different parts of, you know, South America, you know.

02:00:09.000 Obviously, different things happened. 0.52

02:00:11.000 But one of the things that was a big issue was the Mayan creation story was changed and altered and fucked up and broken up. 0.75

02:00:19.000 And it's very hard to find an unedited Mayan creation story.

02:00:24.000 The Pulpel View, it's called.

02:00:26.000 But they found this.

02:00:27.000 And it's undoctored, unedited, and it's amazing.

02:00:31.000 And they're going to work on translating it.

02:00:33.000 Has there been anyone in it before?

02:00:35.000 Like, does it look like people from the jungle?

02:00:37.000 No, not only that, not only are they not in it, it was completely covered.

02:00:39.000 I mean, I'm sure some local people were aware of its existence because, you know, when you, you know, you stand, you walk around on there and all of a sudden you're like, what is this?

02:00:47.000 Well, dig a little, oh, it's a giant fucking perfectly hewn rock that's four feet wide and two feet tall.

02:00:53.000 Well, obviously this didn't just happen. 0.97

02:00:55.000 You know, somebody made this.

02:00:57.000 Who made this?

02:00:57.000 It looks like a map.

02:00:58.000 They just didn't know that this mountain, you know, they say that there's thousands of these that they haven't discovered, which is so mind-boggling until you look at the geography of South America.

02:01:10.000 Or Google Maps.

02:01:12.000 Yeah, Google Maps.

02:01:12.000 But if you take into account the size of North America, South America, look at Mexico, look at how much land you're talking about and how much of it is jungle.

02:01:22.000 You know, they have found, there was a documentary that I was watching on Egypt, or excuse me, on the Amazon, rather, where they were talking about all these different structures that they're finding in the jungles of civilization.

02:01:33.000 They have no idea how this civilization got there, don't know who they were, don't know what their origins were. 0.80

02:01:41.000 But they're looking at aqueducts, they're looking at roads, they're looking at all this shit that's just run over by the jungle. 0.99

02:01:47.000 And the reality is, man, if you have a fucking house and you put this giant stone house in the middle of the Amazon... 1.00

02:01:53.000 A hundred years from now, that motherfucker is going to be covered with trees. 1.00

02:01:57.000 Yeah, man. 0.99

02:01:57.000 There's a documentary on Netflix you can watch. 0.99

02:02:01.000 Now I can't remember the name of it, but I'm taking these fucking alpha brain pills. 0.99

02:02:06.000 You're taking them backwards, dude. 0.99

02:02:07.000 I'll Google it.

02:02:08.000 Tell me what it's about.

02:02:11.000 It's an explorer who was searching for this famed lost city that existed in the middle of the Amazon.

02:02:17.000 It might be that pyramid that they found.

02:02:20.000 He was looking for it based on some old scrolls in this library that he found.

02:02:25.000 And he was like a theosophist because the theosophists were really into this idea that there still existed advanced civilizations on this planet that had closed themselves off to the rest of human society.

02:02:36.000 And he thought he would find a place where people were still living there.

02:02:40.000 But he went down into the Amazon and just basically vanished.

02:02:43.000 This is Save the Secrets of the Dead, Lost Amazon.

02:02:47.000 A PBS documentary that's on Netflix called The Secrets of the Dead set out to find the fabled Lost City of Z. That's it.

02:02:56.000 Yeah.

02:02:57.000 And the Amazon in 1925 led to a mysterious disappearance.

02:03:01.000 It's actually a movie.

02:03:02.000 It's a drama.

02:03:04.000 There's a documentary, too.

02:03:06.000 Oh, no, it is a documentary.

02:03:07.000 I'm sorry.

02:03:07.000 Liev Schreiber is apparently the...

02:03:09.000 I looked at that author, or that actor.

02:03:12.000 I assumed that he was an actor.

02:03:13.000 He's actually the narrator of it.

02:03:15.000 Yeah, but it was like a big news story because he was a famous explorer that vanished, and it was weird that he would have vanished. 0.99

02:03:21.000 I'm going to watch that shit tonight. 0.99

02:03:22.000 It's really fucking cool, man. 1.00

02:03:23.000 But he thought that there would actually be people living there who would give him... 0.98

02:03:29.000 It was a mystical quest for him.

02:03:32.000 He really thought that there was going to be this advanced civilization still in existence that was somehow going to transmit this information to him, which some people still believe.

02:03:41.000 There's the hollow earth theory, the idea that Shambhala exists in the Arctic. 0.99

02:03:47.000 Have you ever seen that shit? 1.00

02:03:48.000 No. 1.00

02:03:49.000 You've never seen in the North Pole the idea?

02:03:51.000 Hold on a second.

02:03:52.000 The Secrets of the Dead, apparently it's a whole series.

02:03:56.000 There's a bunch of them, and they're available online.

02:03:59.000 Secrets of the Dead, China's Terracotta Warrior. 0.87

02:04:02.000 You know what that is?

02:04:03.000 Yep. 0.96

02:04:03.000 Where they found this army of Terracotta soldiers buried for thousands of years, or however fucking long it was. 0.96

02:04:11.000 Secrets of the Dead, Herculaneum Uncovered. 0.90

02:04:14.000 I don't know what that is.

02:04:15.000 Secrets of the Dead, Silver Pharaoh. 0.90

02:04:17.000 Secrets of the Dead, World's Biggest Bomb.

02:04:19.000 Secrets of the Dead, The Dead Sea Scrolls.

02:04:21.000 One star on Amazon.com.

02:04:23.000 Really?

02:04:24.000 It can't be too good.

02:04:25.000 How do you give one star?

02:04:26.000 I don't know.

02:04:27.000 Churchill's Deadly Decision has got four stars.

02:04:32.000 Maybe that movie has the same commercial.

02:04:33.000 So Lost in the Amazon only has two stars.

02:04:36.000 That wasn't the best.

02:04:37.000 Well, you know what, man?

02:04:38.000 Who knows?

02:04:39.000 One customer review. 0.99

02:04:40.000 Maybe you got one cunt who reviewed it and didn't like it. 0.97

02:04:45.000 But anyway, the point is that this discovery in Guatemala, I believe they discovered it in 2009. And it's just sort of being publicized today. 0.90

02:04:54.000 And it made its way through Twitter.

02:04:56.000 But somebody sent to me on Twitter when I retweeted it or whatever the hell happened.

02:05:00.000 He said, this is from 2009. He's like, this old shit. 1.00

02:05:03.000 The guy said, this old shit. 1.00

02:05:04.000 I'm like, oh my god, that's 24 months ago. 1.00

02:05:06.000 We're talking about some shit that's been buried without human beings ever finding it for fucking thousands of years. 0.99

02:05:12.000 No one knew it was there. 0.99

02:05:14.000 The unedited Mayan creation story.

02:05:18.000 Yeah.

02:05:18.000 Do they still have She Stole My Voice on Netflix?

02:05:21.000 Not to change the subject.

02:05:22.000 What is that? 0.99

02:05:23.000 It's a documentary about lesbian rape. 0.99

02:05:25.000 I recommend Grand Canyon. 0.98

02:05:27.000 What? 1.00

02:05:28.000 It's like lesbians raping each other. 1.00

02:05:30.000 Oh, no way! 1.00

02:05:32.000 Lesbians rape each other? 1.00

02:05:33.000 Will they just fucking force scissors on each other? 1.00

02:05:35.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:05:36.000 The idea is that you mount someone's face and face fuck them. 1.00

02:05:40.000 This is not on Netflix, bro. 1.00

02:05:42.000 They took it off.

02:05:43.000 Did you find it?

02:05:44.000 No, it's not on the IMDB. She Stole My Voice on Netflix.

02:05:48.000 I was talking to Duncan in the car on the way here.

02:05:50.000 I watched Grand Canyon recently.

02:05:52.000 Do you remember Grand Canyon?

02:05:53.000 Yeah, we talked about this.

02:05:55.000 Yeah, it's weird how time has passed since that movie came out and how we don't buy it anymore.

02:06:03.000 We're way more intelligent than 1998. 3 or whenever that movie came out.

02:06:08.000 Because that movie, in the first hour, 15 things happened in one day almost to all these same people.

02:06:16.000 Weren't they unconnected though?

02:06:18.000 There were a bunch of different things happening to people who didn't even know each other?

02:06:20.000 Kind of, but yet there was also like, alright, the husband almost got mugged and his car got stolen and then the next morning his wife is walking and found a baby in a bush and then his secretary...

02:06:33.000 Are they connected though? 0.93

02:06:35.000 Yeah, but it's all crazy shit happening in one day. 1.00

02:06:39.000 It's so ridiculous. 0.99

02:06:40.000 Now you kind of watch and you're like, this seems pretty extreme for one day. 0.99

02:06:44.000 This Lesbian Rafe movie gets terrible reviews. 0.99

02:06:47.000 Oh, it's terrible. 0.92

02:06:49.000 A horrible documentary.

02:06:50.000 I wish I could have known there were reviews of this movie before I purchased it.

02:06:55.000 No, it's really so funny.

02:06:57.000 It's the worst documentary you'll ever see.

02:06:59.000 Because really all it is is like a porn that somebody wanted to call a documentary.

02:07:03.000 Because it's like reenactments of...

02:07:05.000 The girl's like, no. 0.98

02:07:06.000 Stop.

02:07:07.000 Stop. 0.99

02:07:08.000 It's like just all these reenactments of lesbians' face sitting. 1.00

02:07:12.000 It's just reenactments of some lesbian sitting on another woman's face who's like... 1.00

02:07:17.000 No! 0.97

02:07:17.000 I can't get you off! 0.97

02:07:19.000 Is that how lesbians rape each other? 1.00

02:07:21.000 Well, I guess so, man. 1.00

02:07:23.000 Exactly how it is.

02:07:24.000 Really?

02:07:24.000 Yeah, he's dead on.

02:07:25.000 It's weird.

02:07:26.000 It's freaky that you know how to do it so well.

02:07:28.000 Wait a minute.

02:07:29.000 Do you know about this for real?

02:07:30.000 He doesn't.

02:07:32.000 Brian knows about that.

02:07:34.000 What do you think happens more?

02:07:35.000 He studied it in school.

02:07:35.000 What do you think happens more?

02:07:37.000 Ready? 1.00

02:07:37.000 Lesbian rape or Chinese NASCAR drivers? 1.00

02:07:40.000 Chinese NASCAR drivers. 1.00

02:07:42.000 I'm not kidding.

02:07:44.000 I'm not getting in that one. 1.00

02:07:46.000 Imagine being a fucking Chinese dude who just really loves cars and you get in a NASCAR and you have to hang out with those assholes. 1.00

02:07:52.000 Like, hey man, you want to whip us up some Chinese food before the next lap? 1.00

02:07:56.000 Hee hee hee!

02:07:58.000 Hee hee!

02:07:59.000 I want to drive fast in a circle!

02:08:01.000 Oh, you know who wants to come on the podcast?

02:08:03.000 I totally forgot about this.

02:08:04.000 Dr. Ken.

02:08:05.000 Dr. Ken?

02:08:06.000 That's cool.

02:08:07.000 He's great.

02:08:08.000 Really?

02:08:08.000 From Zookeeper?

02:08:09.000 The Hangover?

02:08:11.000 Yeah, he saw Joey Diaz the other day, and he wants to come on.

02:08:14.000 He's hilarious.

02:08:15.000 Jim Norton's in town right now.

02:08:17.000 He is?

02:08:18.000 Well, Duncan and I are only in town for a couple days, son.

02:08:21.000 That's right.

02:08:21.000 Because we've got to get ourselves over to New Orleans.

02:08:25.000 New Orleans! 1.00

02:08:26.000 We're going to do the House of Blues this fucking Friday night, and then it's Sold out, bitches! 1.00

02:08:30.000 Sorry! 1.00

02:08:31.000 You snooze!

02:08:32.000 I can't wait.

02:08:34.000 But we're also going to be at the UFC, Allenberger versus Jake Shields this Saturday, which is going to be sick.

02:08:41.000 What a last...

02:08:43.000 Any reports on Jake?

02:08:45.000 Well, you know, for people who don't know, Jake Shields' dad died.

02:08:48.000 And he died just a couple of weeks ago.

02:08:51.000 And Jake, his dad was his manager.

02:08:54.000 And his dad is, like, super-duper close to him.

02:08:57.000 And, you know, they grew up where his dad homeschooled him in the mountains.

02:09:02.000 So, I mean, everybody's relationship to their father except mine, because I don't know that douche...

02:09:09.000 Everybody's relationship is close.

02:09:11.000 Not everybody's, but a lot of people's.

02:09:12.000 Jake Shields was particularly close to his dad.

02:09:15.000 So for him to fight just a couple of weeks after his dad died is devastating.

02:09:21.000 His dad was pretty healthy.

02:09:22.000 His dad died in his sleep.

02:09:24.000 His dad was a vegetarian.

02:09:26.000 Jake is a vegetarian.

02:09:28.000 Jake grew up vegetarian.

02:09:29.000 He only gets his animal protein from eggs. 0.99

02:09:32.000 He just believes that factory farming is fucked up. 0.99

02:09:35.000 And he would actually eat animal food as long as it was hunted. 0.99

02:09:41.000 Isn't that crazy for you? 0.98

02:09:42.000 Like Kevin Smith was saying the other day, just like that, everything can fucking change. 0.99

02:09:47.000 You could wake up and have a stroke and never walk again. 0.95

02:09:52.000 We have to somehow or another balance the idea of ambition and Planning for the future with enjoying the present.

02:10:02.000 And that's the grand dance that everybody has to go through.

02:10:05.000 It's so difficult to master.

02:10:06.000 And I still don't have it down.

02:10:10.000 I don't think anyone ever has it down, but I'm way better at it now than I ever was when I was younger.

02:10:15.000 I'm way better at it.

02:10:16.000 And I can offer some insight.

02:10:17.000 Here's the number one piece of insight that I can offer.

02:10:21.000 Be reckless.

02:10:22.000 I'm reckless.

02:10:23.000 I'm a little bit reckless.

02:10:24.000 But I'm also really nice.

02:10:26.000 I try to be as nice as I can.

02:10:28.000 Don't save anybody. 0.99

02:10:30.000 People say, oh, I met Joe Rogan, he's a dick. 1.00

02:10:31.000 I guarantee you're a dick to me first. 1.00

02:10:34.000 For sure. 1.00

02:10:34.000 And you might have been a dick because you were nervous, or you might have been a dick because you were drunk. 1.00

02:10:38.000 But if you're nice to me, I can't be not nice to you. 1.00

02:10:41.000 It is impossible.

02:10:42.000 I grew up...

02:10:45.000 I've been a nice person as long as I've been capable of being a nice person.

02:10:49.000 Don't wear a condom.

02:10:51.000 Don't wear a condom?

02:10:52.000 What are you saying?

02:10:52.000 I'm just saying do everything exactly opposite what you're told to do.

02:10:56.000 Well, I don't know if that's the truth.

02:10:57.000 I don't know if that's the case.

02:10:59.000 It's like you have to...

02:11:00.000 When you start talking about sex, okay?

02:11:04.000 And you say don't wear a condom. 0.61

02:11:05.000 Sex, to me, is just like doing drugs.

02:11:08.000 It's natural.

02:11:08.000 It's fun.

02:11:09.000 Yes, it is natural.

02:11:10.000 It's fun.

02:11:10.000 But...

02:11:11.000 You can get caught up in it and you can get fucking crazy. 0.99

02:11:14.000 Yeah. 0.96

02:11:15.000 And it has just as much of a pull as any other kind of crazy psychological addiction, whether it's gambling or anything like that.

02:11:22.000 But Brian, you don't really mean don't wear a condom.

02:11:24.000 Yeah, I do.

02:11:24.000 It feels good.

02:11:25.000 It feels way better to not wear a condom.

02:11:26.000 You wear a condom for the first month or two and then you figure out the girl enough to decide if you want to or not.

02:11:32.000 You need an abortion in your life to appreciate how things can go wrong. 0.53

02:11:36.000 It makes you Dude, let me tell you.

02:11:39.000 Can I tell you a little horror story?

02:11:40.000 I'll tell you a little horror story. 1.00

02:11:41.000 Fuck yes you can. 1.00

02:11:41.000 I'll tell you a horror story. 1.00

02:11:42.000 I would love to hear it.

02:11:44.000 There's someone that I know.

02:11:45.000 There's someone that I know who got a waitress pregnant. 0.66

02:11:51.000 A waitress?

02:11:51.000 Where did you work?

02:11:53.000 Why can't she just be a girl, man? 0.98

02:11:54.000 Why did you have to make her a waitress? 1.00

02:11:57.000 Because he was a bartender or something.

02:11:58.000 I don't know.

02:11:59.000 Because they both worked at the same place.

02:12:01.000 So they worked together at this place.

02:12:04.000 I'm just going reverse sexism on you. 0.94

02:12:06.000 I don't know why I said it.

02:12:08.000 I don't mean to label people.

02:12:09.000 I'm so sorry. 0.99

02:12:10.000 Stop lesbian rape. 1.00

02:12:12.000 So they ended up... 1.00

02:12:16.000 He ended up putting his pee-pee inside of her, and guess what happened? 0.89

02:12:21.000 She got pregnant. 0.92

02:12:22.000 He should have kept the cell phone in his pocket.

02:12:24.000 Yeah, but he should have.

02:12:25.000 And guess what? 1.00

02:12:26.000 She doesn't want a fucking abortion. 1.00

02:12:29.000 No, this is a one-night stand. 1.00

02:12:33.000 Now, he's a daddy, but it's with someone that he just fucked one night. 0.99

02:12:40.000 It's like now he's legally bound for the rest of his life to his kid. 0.99

02:12:46.000 He didn't wait the two-month rule. 1.00

02:12:47.000 You gotta wear a fucking condom. 1.00

02:12:49.000 You're crazy if you don't wear a condom. 1.00

02:12:51.000 Yeah, but you also gotta fuck people that you like. 1.00

02:12:53.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:12:54.000 Well, yeah. 1.00

02:12:55.000 It's hard to say because you want to fuck anybody who's willing to give up the pussy at a certain point in time. 1.00

02:12:59.000 Pussy's like water and you're living in a desert, okay? 1.00

02:13:02.000 It's like, where can I get it? 1.00

02:13:03.000 Where's the water? 0.98

02:13:05.000 You know, it's only until you live by a fucking stream and you can drink water every day can you see the forest for the trees. 0.99

02:13:12.000 Because otherwise, your entire waking life is dedicated to getting this resource that is fucking water. 1.00

02:13:18.000 Or pussy. 1.00

02:13:19.000 Either one. 1.00

02:13:20.000 They're interchangeable.

02:13:21.000 And when they're plentiful, then you can see them for what they truly are.

02:13:24.000 And it doesn't necessarily mean that you have to get spoiled.

02:13:27.000 It doesn't necessarily mean that you don't appreciate it.

02:13:32.000 You should totally appreciate every single one of the biological pleasures of existence.

02:13:36.000 One of the reasons why I'm a huge fan of Anthony Bourdain is because he calls himself an enthusiast, but he is a chef.

02:13:42.000 And he enjoys, he really shows how much joy you can get in eating great food.

02:13:48.000 During the whole podcast.

02:13:49.000 I think that the feeling of taste and the feeling of pleasure and the feeling of friendship.

02:13:54.000 I like drinking wine.

02:13:55.000 I like smoking weed.

02:13:57.000 I like seeing fun movies.

02:14:00.000 I like listening to great music. 0.99

02:14:03.000 I like being inundated by great feeling shit. 0.99

02:14:07.000 I think it's important to wrap our heads around that. 0.99

02:14:10.000 Well, I mean, if you can accept it, it's just like...

02:14:13.000 Me and my friend were just talking about this Sartre, this French existentialist philosopher, and how the existentialists basically have this idea where it's like, yeah, you can fucking enjoy reality and get caught up in being an enthusiast or whatever, but the depths of it, it's just pure absurdity.

02:14:33.000 There's no meaning behind it.

02:14:34.000 There's no meaning to life.

02:14:35.000 It's like just this empty...

02:14:37.000 It's a meaningless vortex.

02:14:39.000 So like, you know, for example, like when you see your dog dry hump another dog, you know, you see the dog dry hump and you kind of watch it.

02:14:45.000 It's kind of funny, but it's like you're watching an instinctual trigger, you know, go through the thing and it just acts this thing out. 0.99

02:14:53.000 And then when you find yourself humping somebody that you just met and you realize you're going through the same instinctual trigger and you're like, ah, fuck! 0.98

02:15:02.000 I'm doing the same thing! 0.99

02:15:03.000 It's the same thing!

02:15:05.000 No meaning to this.

02:15:06.000 No meaning.

02:15:07.000 This is just a...

02:15:08.000 I've triggered a series of responses in my primate brain that is wanting to reproduce.

02:15:14.000 Once I come, I'm going to go right back into this state.

02:15:17.000 And that's absurdity.

02:15:19.000 That's a form of absurdity.

02:15:20.000 I got an answer, a question for you, Brian, because...

02:15:24.000 We're trying to figure out how to rephrase it.

02:15:27.000 It's so funny you just said that because I just thought of something the other day.

02:15:31.000 You ever scratch a cat's butt and they do that thing where they're just like... 0.99

02:15:35.000 You ever fucked a girl and seen her do the exact same thing? 1.00

02:15:39.000 It's creepy. 0.99

02:15:41.000 It's almost exactly the same.

02:15:43.000 Yeah.

02:15:44.000 It's because they turn into a machine.

02:15:45.000 You know what that means? 1.00

02:15:45.000 You're not fucking them hard enough. 1.00

02:15:46.000 You've got to fuck them to the point where they're nervous. 1.00

02:15:48.000 No, I think their body's freaking out. 1.00

02:15:50.000 I think the body's short-circuiting.

02:15:52.000 I think that's what it is. 1.00

02:15:52.000 Not the way I fuck them, dude. 1.00

02:15:54.000 Nervous? 1.00

02:15:55.000 The way I fuck them, they get nervous. 1.00

02:15:56.000 Like before an audition? 1.00

02:15:58.000 What are they nervous about?

02:15:59.000 I'm on top of them.

02:16:00.000 And that's a lot of pressure, son.

02:16:02.000 That's 185 pounds of alpha just shooting loads into your body, making grunts.

02:16:08.000 No, listen.

02:16:09.000 Don't make anybody nervous. 1.00

02:16:10.000 Imagine a girl on top of you that's way bigger than you, and while she's fucking you, she just starts fucking hitting you. 1.00

02:16:15.000 You fucking bitch, you think you can fuck me? 1.00

02:16:19.000 Can you imagine being in a situation where your girl can kick your ass? 1.00

02:16:22.000 Have you ever been there? 1.00

02:16:23.000 Like Bourdain's?

02:16:24.000 I don't think so. 1.00

02:16:25.000 Well, I don't think Bourdain's wife can kick his ass. 1.00

02:16:28.000 He's still a man and she's still a man. 1.00

02:16:31.000 Anybody on enough adrenaline.

02:16:34.000 Anthony Bourdain been around the world.

02:16:35.000 I guarantee you, he probably has no endurance, but he knows how to throw us straight, right?

02:16:40.000 Charity boxing match. 1.00

02:16:42.000 If you have a hammer in your house and you sleep necked to somebody, they can kick your ass no matter who they are. 1.00

02:16:49.000 They can slam the hammer into your fucking face while you're sleeping. 1.00

02:16:54.000 Yeah, if they catch you off guard. 1.00

02:16:56.000 Yeah, they can catch you off guard.

02:16:58.000 This video is online of girls sucker punching guys and knocking them unconscious. 0.91

02:17:03.000 There's a bunch of them.

02:17:04.000 What's that?

02:17:05.000 They sucker punch a guy.

02:17:06.000 You know what a sucker punch is?

02:17:07.000 Yeah, I know what a sucker punch is.

02:17:09.000 There's a lot of videos of girls sucker punching guys online. 0.94

02:17:11.000 Why?

02:17:12.000 It's a great fetish. 0.99

02:17:13.000 Listen, man, there's a fucking wide world out there. 1.00

02:17:15.000 A lot of fucking things happen. 1.00

02:17:17.000 A lot of cross streets. 1.00

02:17:18.000 A lot of one thing intersects with this thing when it wasn't prepared.

02:17:22.000 It's a fetish. 1.00

02:17:22.000 The next thing you know, a fucking coked up girl punches a drunk guy in the jaw and knocks him unconscious. 1.00

02:17:28.000 It happens all over the world. 1.00

02:17:29.000 I just somehow miss these videos.

02:17:31.000 It's like MMA spanking. 1.00

02:17:32.000 There was a girl that used to work for a buddy of mine. 1.00

02:17:35.000 She was my friend's assistant. 0.99

02:17:36.000 And she could punch so fucking hard. 0.99

02:17:39.000 She was nice. 0.99

02:17:40.000 I mean, she wouldn't have ever punched anybody.

02:17:41.000 But she was like, I can punch hard. 0.97

02:17:43.000 And I was like, alright, whatever. 0.99

02:17:44.000 Fucking do commentary for the UFC. You can punch hard. 1.00

02:17:48.000 There's some people, man. 1.00

02:17:49.000 There's some people that, for whatever fucking reason, they got this crazy Tommy Hearns punch. 0.95

02:17:56.000 It's a weird thing, man, because I've experienced this since I was a child, since I first started doing martial arts. 0.98

02:18:03.000 Every now and then, you'll come across some guy who can just... 0.91

02:18:07.000 He hits so fucking hard. 0.94

02:18:09.000 You're like, where is that coming from? 0.99

02:18:11.000 He's 160 pounds.

02:18:12.000 It doesn't even make sense.

02:18:13.000 But when he hits the bag, the bag just moves more than anybody else. 0.99

02:18:17.000 There was this fucking chick, and she was a regular girl. 1.00

02:18:19.000 She was like 23 years old. 0.99

02:18:20.000 She was my friend's assistant. 0.82

02:18:21.000 And she was like, I can punch. 1.00

02:18:23.000 I can punch.

02:18:24.000 Okay. 0.81

02:18:24.000 She's like, put your hand up. 0.81

02:18:25.000 I put my hand up.

02:18:26.000 She goes, she hit me, and I thought about my face.

02:18:30.000 She hit my hand, and my hand was stinging. 1.00

02:18:33.000 Fuck. 1.00

02:18:33.000 And she turned her shoulder into it and threw her fucking weight into it, and she went two knuckles for it. 1.00

02:18:40.000 I go, who the fuck taught you how to punch like that? 1.00

02:18:41.000 You know, like her dad taught her how to punch people and shit, but I was like, man, if that chick punches you in the face, she will knock you the fuck out. 1.00

02:18:48.000 Right. 0.99

02:18:48.000 If you're not ready for it, it only takes a certain amount of pressure to hit your jaw in a certain way. 0.99

02:18:54.000 Your legs just go.

02:18:56.000 I've seen it.

02:18:57.000 I've seen it in person.

02:18:58.000 I've seen it in fights.

02:19:00.000 I've seen it in bars.

02:19:01.000 I've seen it all my life.

02:19:02.000 It's a weird phenomenon.

02:19:04.000 If you don't expect it...

02:19:05.000 Why is it the jaw?

02:19:06.000 Why the jaw?

02:19:07.000 Design flaw.

02:19:08.000 It's a design flaw?

02:19:09.000 Design flaw.

02:19:10.000 Complete design flaw.

02:19:11.000 It's like a power-off button.

02:19:12.000 Well, this is what it is. 0.99

02:19:14.000 Your brain is this fucking central core of information, of movement, of everything. 0.99

02:19:19.000 All the design, all the direction comes from this spot. 1.00

02:19:23.000 Well, what your body is, is like a fucking house that has a bunch of Ethernet cables in it. 0.98

02:19:30.000 You know, and you want to get internet to your toes. 0.99

02:19:33.000 Well, you've got to run lines.

02:19:34.000 You've got to run nerves through your whole situation.

02:19:37.000 Well, you also have this thing where you have to chew food to supply the body.

02:19:42.000 So, well, how do we do this?

02:19:43.000 Well, we've got to have something that moves.

02:19:44.000 We're going to have something that moves and it's going to be hard and bony and it's going to be right in front of all the cords.

02:19:51.000 Right.

02:19:51.000 We have no choice.

02:19:53.000 That's the design.

02:19:53.000 We just got to hope that the human doesn't get hit on the jawbone and it doesn't compress all those nerves that send the signals down to all the limbs.

02:20:01.000 Because if it does, everything shuts off.

02:20:03.000 It's right here, right?

02:20:04.000 Yeah.

02:20:04.000 They call that the...

02:20:05.000 The jaw.

02:20:05.000 No, no, no.

02:20:05.000 It's the actual jaw itself.

02:20:07.000 Is that what they call the button?

02:20:08.000 Yes.

02:20:09.000 What I call the button is the movement of the jaw.

02:20:11.000 I caught the apples.

02:20:12.000 The jaw presses into the cord.

02:20:15.000 Well, I don't...

02:20:15.000 Listen, when I say presses into the cord...

02:20:18.000 What the fuck do I know is inside my neck? 1.00

02:20:21.000 It could be all elves and shit. 1.00

02:20:23.000 It could be all sparkly fairy dust that comes out when you cut my throat. 1.00

02:20:30.000 I'm just guessing.

02:20:31.000 But the idea that I've had to explain to me is that the nerves, when you punch a person on the jaw, that their jawbone slams into the cluster of nerves behind them, and it just causes this big electrical short circuit, depending on a bunch of different things, depending and it just causes this big electrical short circuit, depending on a bunch of different things, depending on your determination, depending on your anger, your adrenaline level, your focus, Whether or not you've been punched before, you know how to react to it or how to stay calm under pressure.

02:21:01.000 And depending on the physiological design of your actual frame, different body structures can take a different load of impact.

02:21:11.000 Like large jaws and big David Tua-looking faces.

02:21:15.000 There was a guy named David Tua who still is a very dangerous heavyweight boxer. 0.99

02:21:19.000 He's just a Samoan dude, Tonga dude, whatever the fuck he is. 1.00

02:21:22.000 He's anyways, whatever he is. 0.96

02:21:23.000 I believe he's Samoan.

02:21:24.000 He's a badass boxer. 1.00

02:21:25.000 And one of the things about him is this motherfucker can take a punch, man. 1.00

02:21:29.000 You can hit David Tua with a bomb. 1.00

02:21:31.000 He fought Lennox Lewis, and Lennox Lewis connected with straight right hands that just would have put normal men on the moon and just boom, hit him. 0.97

02:21:39.000 Hits him, and he can take it.

02:21:40.000 He just doesn't go out.

02:21:42.000 He's got an incredible jaw on top of big, big punching power.

02:21:46.000 So there's that. 0.99

02:21:47.000 There's the shape of your frame, the shape of your body, the thickness of your tendons and cords, and then there's just the fucking design flaw. 0.98

02:21:55.000 The jaw goes to the cluster of nerves, and depending on your sensitivity, some people just shut right off. 0.93

02:22:02.000 There's some dudes that they just have a glass jaw, man, and all you have to do is get to their jaw, and What?

02:22:12.000 Mr. A. It's so embarrassing.

02:22:43.000 Why is that embarrassing?

02:22:45.000 It's fascinating. 0.99

02:22:46.000 It's fucking embarrassing. 0.98

02:22:47.000 Why is it embarrassing? 0.99

02:22:48.000 You know what's embarrassing? 0.97

02:22:49.000 Because you never beat the fuck out of a dude in a cage. 0.98

02:22:51.000 No, I don't mean that. 0.96

02:22:52.000 No, look, look.

02:22:53.000 Take that shot. 0.89

02:22:54.000 Bang! 1.00

02:22:55.000 Come back with a counter hook.

02:22:56.000 Boom! 0.99

02:22:57.000 He drops.

02:22:58.000 The crowd goes nuts.

02:22:59.000 Ah!

02:22:59.000 No, it's amazing.

02:23:00.000 I think that's really cool to watch and I fucking love it. 0.83

02:23:03.000 But I just think that when you get into a situation where you have a bungee cord hanging out of your mouth and you're lifting weights with your jaw, it's embarrassing. 0.98

02:23:14.000 It's like that moment in time, if I was doing that, if I'm like, gotta get my fucking jaw straight! 0.97

02:23:19.000 I'd be like, dude, why don't you fucking pick up a history book? 0.98

02:23:23.000 It's time to look at a globe. 0.94

02:23:26.000 You're right and you're not at the same time.

02:23:28.000 And here's why you're right.

02:23:29.000 You're right because you see where this is all going. 0.69

02:23:32.000 You see the falling away of the archaic models and the ridiculous nature of clinging to our monkey genetics. 0.99

02:23:40.000 But we are trapped in this age and we have about 80 years to have a good fucking time. 0.98

02:23:46.000 And one of the things, to have a good time. 0.98

02:23:48.000 You know, You Got That Right is one of my favorite songs ever.

02:23:52.000 Leonard Skinner's song, I Like to Drink and Dance All Night.

02:23:56.000 There's nothing wrong with that.

02:23:57.000 There's nothing wrong with liking a drink and dance all night.

02:24:00.000 There's nothing wrong with going to fights.

02:24:03.000 These guys agreed to do this.

02:24:05.000 Let them do it.

02:24:05.000 They're going to do it.

02:24:06.000 They want to do it.

02:24:07.000 I used to do it.

02:24:08.000 They're going to do it.

02:24:09.000 There's nothing wrong with that. 0.98

02:24:10.000 It's fucking fun to watch. 0.98

02:24:10.000 Go. 0.98

02:24:11.000 Go.

02:24:11.000 Enjoy it.

02:24:12.000 Oh, man. 0.97

02:24:13.000 I feel really bad about porn and porn exploits women. 0.95

02:24:16.000 Well, guess what?

02:24:17.000 There's 100 million gigabytes on the internet.

02:24:22.000 Tsunami.

02:24:22.000 You're not going to go back in time and keep those girls from being fingered by their uncle.

02:24:26.000 You're not going to do it.

02:24:28.000 I've tried. 1.00

02:24:29.000 And if you can jerk off to that, you will feel better. 1.00

02:24:32.000 No, enjoy it. 1.00

02:24:32.000 By the way, if you see a kid playing with dolls and you go up to the kid and you're like, you know those dolls aren't real and what you're doing is totally meaningless, you're kind of an asshole. 1.00

02:24:43.000 The kid's lucky it's getting to play with dolls. 1.00

02:24:45.000 The kid's fucking lucky that the kid can get fixated on dolls. 1.00

02:24:49.000 That he can wear a fucking towel around his neck and pretend he's a superhero and run around his backyard with a cardboard sword. 1.00

02:24:55.000 Lucky. 1.00

02:24:56.000 He's lucky. 0.87

02:24:56.000 lucky but i so in the same way when adults are doing the identical thing and taking on these uh silly identities and strengthening their jaws and they're absorbed and their attention is focused onto whatever the fucking thing is whether if it's leonard skinner's drunken night of line dancing or somebody punching his fist through a fucking wall or someone climbing a mountain or whatever if that's grabbing your attention lucky you don't stop it Yeah. 0.87

02:25:25.000 But once that shit stops distracting you, if you continue on that path and pretend that it still is distracting you from the void, that's where shit gets weird. 0.98

02:25:36.000 Maybe. 0.99

02:25:37.000 Maybe you get to a certain point where you realize, what difference does it make?

02:25:43.000 What difference does it make what my understanding of the situation is?

02:25:46.000 What difference does it make my acceptance of the void if I am but a temporary creature?

02:25:51.000 And should I not just enjoy this time and spread as much positive energy as possible and contribute my part in a true and clear understanding that I cannot fix all this?

02:26:03.000 You ever see those videos?

02:26:04.000 But that is my obligation to enjoy this moment and to have as much positive feeling as possible.

02:26:13.000 Spread as much positive feeling as possible.

02:26:16.000 That is my instinct.

02:26:18.000 That is my drive.

02:26:19.000 When I'm in the isolation tank and I'm alone and when I'm at my most happiest, when I'm thinking about things, you know what I think?

02:26:26.000 I think I have a rare opportunity to spread as much positive energy as possible.

02:26:30.000 And I think that is what is most important.

02:26:32.000 That is my instinctual pull.

02:26:35.000 That's what's pulling me.

02:26:36.000 What's pulling me is I feel like I've got this weird, crazy opportunity.

02:26:39.000 We have this weird, crazy opportunity.

02:26:41.000 Right now, there's at least a half a million people listening to this.

02:26:44.000 Over the course of iTunes and Stitcher and Ustream...

02:26:48.000 It's more than that.

02:26:49.000 It's going to be even more than that over the course of a couple of years. 0.94

02:26:51.000 Because this shit is going to spread and spread and spread and some of these ideas are going to resonate with people because you are Ahead of a lot of other people in this weird game of thinking there's people out there that right now are listening to this podcast They are 19 years old and they've never considered any of the ideas that Duncan Trussell is presenting to them and the idea that you know that That it's human civilization and ideas and all these things could be literally alien life forms trying to manifest themselves in a conscious way on this plane and that's how they interact with people and 0.92

02:27:19.000 There's a lot of people right now, 17, 16, 15, sitting with their friends, getting their fucking mind blown by you, dude. 0.97

02:27:27.000 And you don't think about it because you're just being you, but that impact is serious and legitimate. 0.97

02:27:33.000 Yeah, that's a cool...

02:27:34.000 And that impacts...

02:27:35.000 You love it!

02:27:36.000 Well, of course.

02:27:36.000 And also, it's fun to...

02:27:38.000 What you're saying is exactly the thing that I'm obsessed with is whatever that is, transmitting...

02:27:46.000 Anytime you can help someone be happy or connect with something, it's awesome.

02:27:52.000 Hey, do you think the Dalai Lama on Twitter's real?

02:27:55.000 I don't know. 1.00

02:27:56.000 If he is, he's a dumbass. 1.00

02:27:57.000 What? 1.00

02:27:58.000 I fucking love it! 0.99

02:27:59.000 What are you talking about? 1.00

02:28:01.000 That's the most positive shit he ever... 1.00

02:28:03.000 He writes positive shit every day. 1.00

02:28:05.000 Yeah, he does. 0.99

02:28:05.000 He does. 0.99

02:28:06.000 He also writes a bunch of fucking pacifist bullshit. 1.00

02:28:09.000 Wise people serve others. 1.00

02:28:11.000 Putting the needs of others above their own. 0.66

02:28:13.000 The ultimate result will be that you find more happiness. 1.00

02:28:16.000 It sounds like a song written by a dude who's trying to fuck a girl. 1.00

02:28:19.000 If you're on a canoe... 1.00

02:28:22.000 He's got someone tweeting for him.

02:28:26.000 You think that's what it is?

02:28:27.000 It's not verified.

02:28:28.000 Of course, Twitter doesn't verify anymore.

02:28:29.000 I don't know if you guys know that.

02:28:30.000 Twitter stopped verifying. 0.99

02:28:32.000 Oh, well, I'm verified, son, grandfathered bitches. 1.00

02:28:37.000 Joe, you have a collector's edition Twitter that you can sell before it goes to MySpace. 0.96

02:28:40.000 Special interest.

02:28:41.000 Sell right now. 0.97

02:28:42.000 Yeah, man, but to get back to that idea that we were just talking about, when you find yourself successfully getting fixated on shit, like successfully getting into something, the last thing you should do is stop it. 0.90

02:28:53.000 It's kind of sad when you see people who really enjoy something and out of some sense of guilt, they're trying to stop themselves from doing it, but like...

02:29:02.000 Like, addicts, they keep doing stuff even though they're clearly aware that it's not satiating them anymore.

02:29:08.000 They're just doing it out of habit.

02:29:10.000 Well, you've been addicted to things. 1.00

02:29:11.000 Fuck yeah! 1.00

02:29:12.000 I have an addictive personality, so I know exactly what it's like to have the focus of my mind sucked away by something for me to consciously think, I don't want to do this anymore. 0.99

02:29:24.000 This is a direct, this conversation, this idea is directly connected to what we were talking about earlier, about hijacking the reward system, about something that is artificial, and artificial in its power, in its potency, the idea of... 0.99

02:29:39.000 It's a fucking oxycontin pill. 1.00

02:29:40.000 That shit is artificial. 1.00

02:29:43.000 Something's not supposed to impact you that strong. 1.00

02:29:45.000 A fucking avatar. 1.00

02:29:47.000 Avatar in 3D. If you were a caveman, your DNA is basically the same DNA as people that lived 10,000 years ago drawing fucking stupid buffaloes on the cave walls while we're living by the light of a fire. 1.00

02:30:01.000 It's impossible to wrap your fucking head around the kind of impact that's having on the organism. 0.99

02:30:07.000 Yeah, well, it's all a magnification of the four basic drives. 0.99

02:30:13.000 Eating, sleeping, mating, and defending.

02:30:15.000 Those are the things that drive all, probably most, organic forms of life. 0.99

02:30:19.000 I don't know about amoebas and shit. 0.97

02:30:21.000 And, but, and love. 1.00

02:30:23.000 And look, it sounds gay as fuck, but we can say it because we're drunk. 0.99

02:30:27.000 The reason why this podcast works, the reason why we all can do this over and over and over again is because we love each other. 0.99

02:30:33.000 We're all passing notes underneath the table to each other.

02:30:35.000 We're playing footsie.

02:30:38.000 Think of how freaked out everyone would be if we all were playing.

02:30:42.000 How about if we only did this podcast holding hands and with our sweaty feet touching each other?

02:30:49.000 You know what would be cool if we all played Superman with each other afterwards?

02:30:53.000 That's what it turned into. 0.55

02:30:56.000 But, you know, the reason why we can have this conversation and be so fucking crazy with our ideas is you know I'm not going to judge you.

02:31:03.000 You know, the judgment between you and me is already done. 0.59

02:31:06.000 It's over.

02:31:06.000 We know each other.

02:31:07.000 We know each other literally inside and out. 1.00

02:31:09.000 I know your weirdest fucking thing. 0.99

02:31:11.000 You lived with me. 0.99

02:31:12.000 We lived together, you know?

02:31:13.000 And Brian and I have known each other for almost a decade.

02:31:16.000 We know each other inside and out.

02:31:18.000 Brian and I have cried together, as gay as that sounds. 0.98

02:31:20.000 Yeah. 0.54

02:31:20.000 We've cried together. 0.54

02:31:22.000 He's my friend.

02:31:23.000 We've known each other forever.

02:31:24.000 So because of that, because we know each other so well, and we know we're both looking out, we're all three looking out for each other, we can say anything.

02:31:33.000 But what we're doing is we're saying anything, and somehow or another... 0.91

02:31:36.000 Way more people than we're ever going to meet ever in our fucking life are listening all at once. 0.97

02:31:41.000 Yeah, it's crazy. 0.98

02:31:42.000 And that's where things get squirrely.

02:31:43.000 And that's where things get, you know, when we sit and we contemplate, like, you know, what is consciousness?

02:31:48.000 What is reality?

02:31:48.000 What are ideas?

02:31:49.000 What is imagination?

02:31:50.000 Where does it go?

02:31:51.000 Why is it going?

02:31:52.000 Why is it going through you?

02:31:53.000 Why is it going through me?

02:31:54.000 Why are we so looking forward to going to New Orleans where this weekend you and I are going to go to the House of Blues, a sold-out show, and we're going to perform for...

02:32:03.000 We don't know those people...

02:32:05.000 I'll probably know 10 people in the audience.

02:32:06.000 There'll be a bunch of people from the UFC that'll ask for tickets.

02:32:08.000 I'll hook them up. 0.94

02:32:10.000 There'll be 20, 30 people, and it's you and me, and we're going to have the greatest fucking time ever. 0.97

02:32:14.000 Yeah, it's going to be incredible. 0.91

02:32:15.000 Why?

02:32:16.000 Because you've been putting that thing out your whole life.

02:32:18.000 And I've been putting that thing out my whole life.

02:32:20.000 You would cry if you found out it was a guy also.

02:32:23.000 What guy?

02:32:24.000 When we cried together. 1.00

02:32:28.000 This fucking podcast is over. 1.00

02:32:30.000 Brian gets the line of the night. 0.99

02:32:34.000 If you want to get in touch with Duncan, you can follow him on Twitter, and now he's obligated to respond to all of your messages because he told you that all you had to do was call him about the fucking expensive podcast.

02:32:45.000 It searches video with Tim and Eric.

02:32:47.000 I don't think we've ever talked about it on this podcast.

02:32:49.000 Have we talked about it?

02:32:49.000 No.

02:32:50.000 He has the surfing video, the body surfing.

02:32:52.000 Body Boy's legend.

02:32:53.000 Legend of the Pipers.

02:32:54.000 It's one of the best videos.

02:32:56.000 I laughed my ass off.

02:32:57.000 Yeah, it's pretty great.

02:32:58.000 It's something I did with Tim and Eric for HBO's Funny or Die.

02:33:05.000 Is that it?

02:33:06.000 No. 0.99

02:33:07.000 It's something I did for Tim and Eric for HBO's Funny or Die, and it's like basically a takeoff on those skateboarding videos, but it's about we play these idiots, like idiots who learn to body surf, but mainly it's just about us all fucking this one dude on the beach. 1.00

02:33:23.000 It's so crazy! 0.98

02:33:24.000 It's one of the best things I have seen in a while. 0.99

02:33:27.000 You fucked a dude on a beach? 1.00

02:33:28.000 Yeah, a beach whore. 1.00

02:33:29.000 A beach whore. 1.00

02:33:29.000 That's why I thought of it. 1.00

02:33:30.000 You kissed another guy.

02:33:31.000 What was it like to kiss another guy?

02:33:33.000 It was amazing.

02:33:37.000 You kissed another guy, for real?

02:33:39.000 Well, I mean, I believe it was on the cheek.

02:33:41.000 No, it wasn't?

02:33:42.000 I don't remember. 0.99

02:33:43.000 I thought it was on the dick. 0.99

02:33:44.000 You know I love you, bro. 0.99

02:33:44.000 I'm just kidding. 0.99

02:33:45.000 It's a very funny video.

02:33:47.000 What are the dates, man?

02:33:50.000 What's still available?

02:33:51.000 This weekend is totally sold out.

02:33:53.000 We have tomorrow, by the way.

02:33:54.000 Yes.

02:33:54.000 Out of nowhere show.

02:33:55.000 Tomorrow, out of nowhere show.

02:33:56.000 We're doing it at the Ice House.

02:33:57.000 Oh, we should talk about this real quick.

02:34:00.000 We are all of us.

02:34:01.000 Last weekend, we did the comedy.

02:34:04.000 There's two rooms at the Ice House in Pasadena, which is one of my favorite clubs in the country.

02:34:08.000 It's been around for about 30 plus years.

02:34:10.000 I think 35 years.

02:34:11.000 It's not just a comedy club. 0.99

02:34:12.000 It's a goddamn museum. 0.99

02:34:14.000 It's like the Comedy and Magic Club in Hermosa. 1.00

02:34:16.000 It's one of those clubs that's been around forever. 0.89

02:34:17.000 And it's got all this like a really amazing history in the walls and it's a really cool fucking club And there's a there's two rooms. 0.94

02:34:25.000 There's the big showroom. 0.95

02:34:26.000 I say big, you know in quotes.

02:34:28.000 It's 185 seats It's very small.

02:34:30.000 It's very intimate, but then there's this other room.

02:34:31.000 It's like 85 seats and You know Brian and I you know at all come you've you've talked about it We've talked about it before about like what's the perfect size of a comedy club?

02:34:40.000 I don't know This weekend we're going to do somewhere around 700 people at the House of Blues, which is like a medium.

02:34:47.000 And then there's the really small places where it's like the Ice House, which is like 85 people.

02:34:53.000 And then there's October 7th in Houston with Brendan Walsh and me and Joey Diaz. 0.99

02:34:59.000 We're going to do the Horizon Wireless Theater, which is like thousands of fucking people. 0.99

02:35:04.000 Wow. 0.99

02:35:04.000 So it's all different sizes, but there's something magical about those little fucking rooms, man. 0.99

02:35:11.000 And we did that little 85-seat room at the Ice House this past weekend. 0.98

02:35:16.000 And Brian and I and Ari and Al Madrigal and Brendan Walsh, all of us, we got together and we talked about it. 0.98

02:35:24.000 I was like, this place is fucking great.

02:35:26.000 And then someone came up with the idea. 0.97

02:35:27.000 I don't know who it was.

02:35:28.000 I was like, imagine just renting out that room right there and doing a podcast after shows.

02:35:32.000 Okay, it's Brian.

02:35:34.000 Also, Brendan said, I know it was Brendan Walsh said, why not just do it right here, right in front of the door?

02:35:39.000 Which, I don't know if that would work.

02:35:40.000 But it might work sometimes.

02:35:42.000 Can you imagine fans trying to do a podcast?

02:35:44.000 Yo, Rogan, come here!

02:35:46.000 Well, this is what I was thinking. 0.98

02:35:47.000 If we hired some Tate Fletcher looking dudes to fucking keep people away from you and fucking keep the peace and then just... 0.97

02:35:55.000 But the energy of all those people, as long as they didn't interfere, the energy of all those people hanging out. 0.98

02:35:59.000 It's like when we did the live show with Jim Norton.

02:36:01.000 There was definitely a different feeling when you were trying to feel like you're entertaining people watching you.

02:36:06.000 It's good because here we're hanging out.

02:36:08.000 I did a live podcast.

02:36:09.000 It's great.

02:36:10.000 I did a live podcast at the Laughing Skull on stage. 0.97

02:36:12.000 It was fucking awesome. 0.95

02:36:13.000 Well, that's a small club. 0.99

02:36:14.000 The one we did with Jen Norton is small, too.

02:36:16.000 We did it at Kevin Smith's place, which is only like 60 people, I think.

02:36:19.000 But my point is that we're going to do our idea for a podcast.

02:36:24.000 We kind of assimilated all our ideas together.

02:36:27.000 And the best idea seems to be, wherever we put it, it's the comics that are right about to go on stage.

02:36:33.000 Or just got off stage. 0.98

02:36:34.000 And we're fucking smoking weed. 1.00

02:36:36.000 We're talking shit. 1.00

02:36:37.000 Just like this. 1.00

02:36:37.000 Just like this show. 1.00

02:36:38.000 And we do it, you know, Brandon Walsh, John Heffron, John Reed. 1.00

02:36:42.000 Who the fuck? 1.00

02:36:43.000 Who the fuck is in town? 1.00

02:36:44.000 You know, anybody... 0.99

02:36:45.000 Judah Friedlander texted me and said he wants to come on the show.

02:36:48.000 How about Judah Friedlander, you know... 0.96

02:36:51.000 Calls us on a Wednesday night and says, hey, I want to come to your fucking crazy podcast thing at the Ice House. 0.98

02:36:56.000 Boom! 0.99

02:36:56.000 He comes down to the Ice House, and we have this wild-ass show with 85 people in that little room. 0.99

02:37:01.000 We do a free podcast.

02:37:02.000 We all have a good time. 1.00

02:37:04.000 Not deal with Hollywood bullshit. 1.00

02:37:06.000 Exactly. 1.00

02:37:07.000 Not deal with traffic and... 0.99

02:37:08.000 Black wizards. 1.00

02:37:09.000 Black wizards and parking and nonsense. 1.00

02:37:13.000 Listen, you fucking get the gist. 1.00

02:37:15.000 This goddamn fucking show is over. 1.00

02:37:16.000 Hey, wait, can I tell people this show I'm doing? 1.00

02:37:19.000 No! 1.00

02:37:19.000 What the fuck are you doing? 1.00

02:37:21.000 Let me ask you this, man. 1.00

02:37:23.000 This is fucking 7-1 podcast enough, man. 0.99

02:37:28.000 Come on, man. 0.99

02:37:30.000 September 23rd, Joe Diaz, Ari Shafir, and I are at the Paramount Theater in Denver, Colorado.

02:37:40.000 Tickets are still available.

02:37:41.000 They're going quick.

02:37:42.000 There's not much left.

02:37:43.000 If you're interested in brain pills, go to onnit.com.

02:37:46.000 If you want to see one of the most interesting and fascinating stand-up comics in the country, and one of my best friends, go see Duncan Trussell at the Laughing Skull in Atlanta, Georgia.

02:38:00.000 And when is that?

02:38:01.000 That's at the end of this month, and I'll be in Seattle.

02:38:03.000 What was it?

02:38:04.000 What was the dates?

02:38:04.000 It's the last weekend in this month.

02:38:07.000 It'll be on my website.

02:38:08.000 It just happened.

02:38:10.000 And that's dunkintrussell.com.

02:38:11.000 T-R-U-S-S-E-L-L. Call the Laughing Skull in Atlanta.

02:38:15.000 And if it's the last weekend, it is either the 23rd or the 24th or the 30th and the 1st of October.

02:38:22.000 Duncan doesn't know?

02:38:23.000 It's got to be the 20th.

02:38:25.000 It's the last weekend of this month.

02:38:26.000 Okay, but Friday is the 30th.

02:38:29.000 Oh yeah, that's it.

02:38:30.000 Okay, Friday the 30th?

02:38:31.000 Yeah, that's it.

02:38:31.000 Call them.

02:38:32.000 That's it.

02:38:33.000 So you're basically doing the weekend and Saturday night it'll be October 1st.

02:38:38.000 That's it, yeah.

02:38:39.000 That's it?

02:38:39.000 You sure?

02:38:40.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:38:40.000 DuncanTrussell.com.

02:38:41.000 T-R-U-S-S-E-L-L. Holla at your boy. 0.95

02:38:45.000 Thank you to the Fleshlight.

02:38:46.000 Go to JoeRogan.net.

02:38:47.000 Click on the link for the Fleshlight and enter in the code name ROGAN and you will get 15% off of this number one.

02:38:55.000 Did your girlfriend still hide yours or throw them away?

02:38:57.000 No.

02:38:57.000 I need a new one, yes!

02:38:59.000 I got a new one.

02:38:59.000 I got a box of them.

02:39:00.000 Great.

02:39:00.000 He's selling them on you.

02:39:01.000 Who loves you?

02:39:02.000 Who loves you like I do?

02:39:03.000 Next week, we're going to get as many people as we want.

02:39:06.000 I know that Jim Norton is in town.

02:39:08.000 Jim contacted me.

02:39:09.000 We're going to try to get Jim in here.

02:39:12.000 We're going to try to do Judah Freelander, like I said.

02:39:14.000 We're going to do Max Ketterman.

02:39:16.000 We're going to get Liza Schlesinger, for sure. 1.00

02:39:17.000 She has a new show.

02:39:20.000 And for sure, Graham Hancock and that will most likely be the 23rd.

02:39:24.000 Not sure if we're going to do Ustream with that because it all depends on how good the wireless system is in the hotel we go to in Irvine. 1.00

02:39:31.000 They usually suck ass. 1.00

02:39:32.000 It does. 1.00

02:39:32.000 It sucks ass. 1.00

02:39:33.000 They suck hard. 1.00

02:39:35.000 Oh, the new Ustream lets me record to the computer, so we're good. 0.92

02:39:38.000 We just can't do it live, maybe, so we can upload the video on Vimeo.

02:39:41.000 We can't do it.

02:39:42.000 What?

02:39:43.000 What do you mean we can't do it live?

02:39:44.000 No, I mean if we're at a hotel that the internet sucks, the new Ustream lets you record to your computer and then go back and upload it later.

02:39:51.000 What?

02:39:52.000 For real?

02:39:53.000 Yeah, for real.

02:39:54.000 So we can do private shows whenever we want to. 0.99

02:39:56.000 Is this some new shit? 1.00

02:39:58.000 Yeah, new shit. 1.00

02:39:59.000 When did this happen? 1.00

02:40:01.000 About a month ago.

02:40:02.000 And what is this Vimeo thing? 0.98

02:40:03.000 You got some shit up on Vimeo, son? 0.99

02:40:04.000 It's like YouTube. 1.00

02:40:05.000 Yeah, son.

02:40:06.000 Brad Hunstable.

02:40:08.000 Thanks a lot, buddy. 0.97

02:40:08.000 He's the fucking big maha over at the president and founder of Ustream. 0.97

02:40:15.000 And he puts our shit online. 1.00

02:40:17.000 Good guy. 0.99

02:40:17.000 He's a very good guy. 0.99

02:40:18.000 He listens to the podcast.

02:40:20.000 Good people at Ustream.

02:40:20.000 Yeah, good people Ustreaming.

02:40:21.000 I like Stitcher.

02:40:23.000 Oh, I'm going to go on the Nerdist podcast too, for sure.

02:40:26.000 I'm going to do that as well.

02:40:28.000 Chris Hardwick's a buddy, and I ran into him at the airport recently.

02:40:30.000 And people say, like, you guys got in the best Twitter argument ever because you, like, solved it, like, so, like, civilly and everybody was so cool.

02:40:37.000 It wasn't really an argument, you know?

02:40:38.000 I mean, he doesn't like the Stitcher thing, and I understand his point, and I like it.

02:40:43.000 And he...

02:40:45.000 Whatever. 1.00

02:40:46.000 The fucking show's over. 0.99

02:40:47.000 I like Stitcher, too. 0.99

02:40:47.000 Duncan, anything else? 0.99

02:40:48.000 We all love Stitcher.

02:40:49.000 I love Stitcher.

02:40:50.000 Oh, I'm sorry.

02:40:50.000 The Lavender Hour.

02:40:51.000 You can get the Lavender Hour, which is Duncan and his lovely better half, Natasha Leggero.

02:40:56.000 New show's on tonight.

02:40:58.000 Also a fabulous stand-up comedian as well.

02:41:00.000 Yeah, and her show Free Agents is on right now.

02:41:02.000 Probably it's on tonight, so watch it on NBC. He missed the premiere to be here.

02:41:05.000 Tune in.

02:41:05.000 And I'll be in Seattle next Thursday, too, if anyone's out there.

02:41:08.000 Yeah, in Seattle.

02:41:09.000 Chop Suey.

02:41:09.000 All right.

02:41:10.000 Duncan Trussell on Twitter.

02:41:11.000 Again, it's D-U-N-C-A-N-T-R-U-S-S-E-L-L. Two S's, two L's. 1.00

02:41:16.000 In case you're worried, I can't stop talking.

02:41:19.000 I got verbal diarrhea. 0.99

02:41:21.000 This fucking show's over. 1.00

02:41:23.000 Bye. 1.00

02:41:24.000 You know we love you. 1.00

02:41:25.000 Just shut the fuck up. 1.00

02:41:26.000 Stop with your negative bullshit. 1.00

02:41:28.000 You know I love you. 1.00

02:41:29.000 All right.

02:41:29.000 Bye.

The Joe Rogan Experience - September 14, 2011

Joe Rogan Experience #139 - Duncan Trussell

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Summary

Transcript