In this episode of the Joe Rogan Experience Podcast, we talk about the dangers of cell phones and sperm count, and why you should get a flashlight that looks like a flashlight. Also, we discuss how your balls are cooked by your cell phone and why it s a good thing you don t have to have a cell phone in your pocket to keep your balls healthy. We also talk about why you shouldn t be worried about your balls getting cooked by the heat from your phone, because they could just be a ghost ship filled with dead worms. Joe also talks about how to get your balls back to normal, and how to keep them healthy, and what to do if you have low sperm count. Also, he talks about the new Alpha Brain pills and how you can make them work for you and how they are actually pretty damn good for your balls. We also discuss how to make your balls glow up and get them back to their full potential. And we talk a little bit about sperm count and how important it is to have enough of it to make a healthy, good quality sperm. Joe's balls could be cooked by cell phone radiation, so you better make sure you have a good night out of your balls and make sure they are good enough to last through the night. It's a good, good night, bitches! Thank you for listening, and Happy New Year, Joe! XOXO, EJ and the boys. - The Joe Rogans Podcast. xoxo ( ) XO, Caitie, JOEJOE ROGAN - JOE R. R.COM, JOBANCHEYS, EJOGAN, KELLY, PODCAST, DAN JOSEPH, , & THE FOSTER, AND THE JOB RODAN EXPERIENCES, CHEERS, & MORE! - THE JOE JOGAN EPISODE, THE FUTURE, JOSEYE, BECAUSE WE'S TALKING ABOUT SEX AND SONGS, BABY, AND MORE! - WE'LL BE AVAILABLE EVERYONE'SORRY ABOUT SOMETHING FAST AND GIVING IT'S GIVEN'S MOST IMPORTANT THAN THAT'S OKAY? AND MORE
00:00:39.000If you go to JoeRogan.net and click on the link for the flashlight and enter in the code name ROGAN, you will get 15% off the number one sex toy for men.
00:01:46.000He did all these things, his own personal, detailed examinations and experiences he's done with his own body, like gaining 30 pounds over a course of six weeks.
00:01:55.000He did all this bodybuilding stuff and all these different things where he combined foods and nutrients in different times of the day.
00:02:51.000Apparently there's studies online that show a significant correlation between having your cell phone in your pocket and low sperm count.
00:02:59.000Can I ask you why it was important to him to have a good sperm count?
00:03:03.000Well, he wanted to know what was going on with his body.
00:03:05.000Because his whole thing is about him experimenting with his body and trying different things that people have tried to get optimum performance out of your body.
00:03:13.000Is sperm count the number of sperm living in there?
00:05:12.000To me, that seems like we're being silly.
00:05:15.000That's a silly way of looking at health.
00:05:18.000It has no effect on you other than maybe kills your brain.
00:05:23.000I just tweeted this thing in Virginia.
00:05:26.000There's a part of Virginia that is a cell phone free zone because there's some kind of radio telescopes out there and they want to have the purest signal and they don't want any disruption.
00:06:14.000Well, that's a good guess because a lot of everybody, whenever outrageous claims come up, you've got to think a certain percentage of them are kooks.
00:06:23.000I don't think we've completely assessed the effects of all these wireless signals.
00:07:05.000Like, full wireless like we have now with internet and radio signals where your cordless phones are on a certain frequency and then of course cell phones.
00:09:02.000Maybe they're hanging on with 20% or 30% crazy.
00:09:05.000I almost believe to be super, super brilliant at something like Tesla was, at that level, so far beyond everybody else, that almost you have to be tuned out.
00:09:32.000Imagine that You had to play that game for the rest of your life.
00:09:36.000Even though you knew you were playing with kids and you knew it was just this big kids game, maybe when people get super, super, super smart, they recognize that they're sort of trapped in this dimension where everybody's deeply engrossed in what amounts to a baby's game that they all think is very important.
00:09:53.000They all think it's really serious, but you recognize, oh no, this isn't Even a 1% of what exists in the world.
00:11:33.000It's amazing when you stop and think about that.
00:11:36.000And Nikola Tesla is really one of the reasons why we're so fucking advanced.
00:11:40.000If you look back at the inventions that this guy was responsible for and all the patents that this guy was responsible for, it's a brilliant thing.
00:11:48.000And I don't remember hearing a fucking peep about him in high school.
00:11:52.000Somebody told me about him when I was in college.
00:12:54.000He died broke because he had some bad luck.
00:12:59.000One of his main laboratories burnt down.
00:13:02.000He had basically figured out in his mind a way to generate, I guess you'd consider it wireless electricity.
00:13:10.000He had this idea that rather than having to have an engine generating the electricity, that I don't know, reality itself or every bit of reality had compressed within it enough energy to supply anything.
00:13:40.000Assuming that you didn't have to have a hydroelectric dam or oil or whatever to create energy, assuming that in every inch of the universe there was infinite energy, then every house would become a power plant.
00:13:56.000It wouldn't all be based on wherever the main energy is coming from, the nuclear power plant or whatever.
00:14:01.000It would be some sort of device that you could put in your house that could channel the energy.
00:14:07.000So channel, but what are they calling that energy?
00:14:10.000Is it just something we haven't figured out and discovered yet?
00:15:30.000You know, man, the thing I've been thinking lately is that we live in such a funny time because I guess people just don't...
00:15:39.000Like, if you start saying things like, no, you know what, I have the feeling that there's actually another energy source out there that we haven't even stumbled upon yet that...
00:15:46.000It has like a million times more energy than you could ever need.
00:15:50.000If you say that now, people really will – you seem kind of like a fruit or a flake or an idiot or they're like, well, base it in science.
00:15:55.000You don't know what that is or you don't know what you're talking about.
00:15:58.000But there was a time when if you were just talking about electricity, you would have seen like an absolute lunatic.
00:16:05.000Like if you went around in the, I don't know, 1200s and started telling people, listen, there's this fucking energy called electricity that's more powerful than fire.
00:16:15.000You can use it to, you can run it through wires and if you touch it, you'll get electrocuted.
00:16:20.000They'd be like, get this fucking witch on the stake!
00:17:08.000Well, what I was thinking is, it's like, okay, so, like, what if...
00:17:14.000This is something I so wish that you could do and you'll never be able to do it, but it would be so amazing to look at from the beginning of time to right now in a 20 second fast forward to see what that blur of happening looked like or the evolution.
00:17:27.000It would be so fun to be able to see in a real way what evolution looked like from the evolution of a fucking I don't know, the evolution of a chicken into a, or a dinosaur into a chicken.
00:17:39.000It'd be amazing to watch that thing happen really fast.
00:17:43.000But, so, like, okay, see, this is gonna sound crazy, and I'm sorry if it seems rambling and weird, because I haven't quite figured out how to articulate this idea, but, like, if you have, okay, you have fire.
00:17:53.000Fire leaves Where there's been a fire, there's soot, there's ashes, black soot, whatever, from the carbons being released in the fire, right?
00:18:03.000So, in the same way, I was thinking, what if there's another form of energy that's raging through time, and this form of energy, instead of leaving ashes, leaves evolved things?
00:18:14.000It's like the byproduct of the energy is that it causes things to evolve and advance and grow and become more sophisticated.
00:18:23.000Maybe that energy, there's literally an energy associated with evolution.
00:18:28.000There's an energy that you can tap into.
00:18:32.000Which is why computers are so amazing is because they can really tap into that energy right away in the form of open source software and stuff like that.
00:18:41.000And you see things that go open source or things that allow...
00:18:45.000The most people to have the most input, so the most intelligent people having the input create the advance in whatever the thing is.
00:18:52.000You know, the classic example of it, a silly example of it, is like Reddit, where someone will write something and then the top comment inevitably will be so fucking funny because hundreds and hundreds of people have voted it up to the top.
00:19:05.000So it creates this evolved way of getting information to float up to the surface.
00:21:23.000Yeah, because, you know, in history, in occult history...
00:21:28.000always have imps or familiars that's a common way to know that you're around like that's why you know like david lynch in twin peaks that spooky little fucking backwards talking midget you know the guy that table is for my god right um so like that's an occult symbol like it like witches would always have around them in lore they would always have like a cat you know some kind of creature and sometimes they'd have a little imp or a creature with them
00:21:56.000so mantelban rorke's tattoo was his name It seemed like in the pilot they were thinking, let's make this like, let's make him a Faustian character where he's like, where he's not, you know, he's maybe not giving people exactly what they want.
00:22:11.000Because remember, some people would want something and it'd fuck them up.
00:22:34.000He knew something was wrong and he went to the doctor and I guess the line was ridiculous and he wound up just couldn't take it anymore and he left the doctor and he wound up dying.
00:24:03.000I cannot wait until the day, and this day will never come, but the day when we have zoos, where politicians are placed in zoos, like antiquated things, like kids can come and look at them, like, behold...
00:25:36.000And he started out on the show A Married Guy and somehow or another he got so many girls from being on Hogan's Heroes that he just completely became out of control.
00:25:48.000Didn't take care of his career, didn't take care of his family, just was just banging chicks and filming it all.
00:25:54.000And they're stacked and he eventually wound up getting murdered and it was a very sordid thing because they believed that the guy who played the Willem Dafoe character was the one who killed him and they even I think they had that in the movie as well.
00:26:05.000But either way, it's a great fucking movie.
00:26:10.000They probably got jealous that Bob Crane was getting all the punana.
00:26:15.000He used to sit in front of a television at a bar when he knew the show would be on.
00:26:23.000his show was like long since canceled it would be on in reruns and he would be doing like local theater like at these towns and he would just bang all the local broads and film them all they were freaks back then they didn't have any Twitter they didn't have any TMZ you could just go off you didn't have to If something was on a VHS tape, I mean, who's going to see?
00:26:42.000It wasn't even a VHS. It was like 18 millimeter, 8 millimeter, 16 millimeter, whatever the hell it is.
00:27:37.000Yeah, it's good to not know celebrity names.
00:27:39.000Like, in this one battle with gossip, I got free.
00:27:42.000Because I had no attachment to any of them.
00:27:44.000And it occurred to me, when I looked at the magazine, and I didn't have any attachment, I'd be like, God damn it, if there was a fucking, some Jennifer Aniston broken heart, because Gerard Butler, you know, fucking did her wrong, I'd be like, oh wow, what'd that guy do?
00:30:08.000Some stuff in the world does the same thing to your attention that the planet does to satellites.
00:30:16.000It'll grab your attention and suddenly you're circling this weird temporary vortex in the subject of reality, the planet, with your attention.
00:30:37.000It's all different gravitational fields that will, depending on what person you're like, you're going to get your attention sucked into this certain thing.
00:30:45.000And once it gets sucked in deep enough, you're not thinking about anything else.
00:30:50.000You know that thing when everything shuts down except for whatever the silly thing is?
00:30:55.000Like when you're locked into a video game.
00:32:32.000But when we recreate that in some sort of a crazy imaginary flat one-dimensional or two-dimensional image with sound that comes from all around you...
00:32:46.000I don't know if your brain 100% can differentiate that from reality any more than a placebo has an effect on a person.
00:34:26.000What creativity might be is when you just relax the fuck enough to listen to this intelligent life that's all around you, that's trying to...
00:34:39.000where you're going to manipulate matter to the point where you punch a fucking hole through space and time, and the idea of tangible objects no longer exists.
00:34:51.000That's your reason for your curiosity.
00:34:54.000That's the reason why you've created music and motivation and cocaine.
00:34:58.000You're supposed to be pushing towards this inevitable goal of creating some sort of a fucking opening where this thing changes into the next thing.
00:35:07.000You know what that made me just think of?
00:35:08.000Like, imagine, you know when those miners got stuck in the mine?
00:35:12.000Imagine if when they got stuck in the mine, some kind of fume came out that gave them complete amnesia And so they completely lost their identities and couldn't even speak any language anymore.
00:35:24.000And so they thought that that's where they were born as this stupid mine.
00:35:29.000And imagine the people outside the mine would first have to teach them English.
00:36:12.000And that when you get a reconditioned laptop, you got a laptop that's all this hard drive, all this space and operating system, and then you swipe all the data at and just give it to someone to add their own stuff to.
00:37:43.000Okay, but some people have advertising that's based on their iTunes ranking.
00:37:47.000It could be based on how many hits you get on iTunes.
00:37:50.000And in that sense, he's absolutely right.
00:37:52.000Because in that sense, if he doesn't want to shit on Stitcher, and I believe they pulled it off, he's absolutely right because he gets paid by iTunes.
00:38:01.000What he should be able to do is go to the company that's sponsoring him and say, well, here's another application called Stitcher.
00:38:41.000Every 800 views of that teeny banner on that app, he gets a dollar, which sucks, but knowing what Google AdSense pays for views of an ad, it's not far off.
00:38:51.000Well, you know, listen, man, he's got his own thing.
00:38:53.000He likes doing it a certain way, and he should be able to.
00:39:00.000But for us, we have a totally different take on Stitcher because the podcast is, first of all, we started off with, it wasn't supposed to be a job.
00:40:03.000And this has been a source of controversy.
00:40:05.000And some fucking dummy on my message board wrote some whole thing about how he's upset at you because you charge for a podcast and he'll never fucking pay.
00:40:14.000Listen, no one is telling you you have to pay.
00:40:17.000And in fact, Duncan is actually giving you something for free still.
00:40:28.000But I think it's – I know it's – that's what I thought originally.
00:40:32.000But then when I started thinking about it more, I realized that it uncovers this certain layer of conditioning that exists in people.
00:40:38.000Because like when you go to the ATM and the ATM asks you for two bucks or whatever to get cash out because you're not at your bank – You're just like, ah, fuck it.
00:41:09.000If you start charging from the beginning, people have no problem with continuing to pay for things.
00:41:13.000It's once they start getting it for free.
00:41:15.000Well, that's why we added an extra episode.
00:41:17.000And the experiment totally worked, and it made me think...
00:41:21.000You know, this is a model, maybe this is a new model that other people can use.
00:41:25.000It's like, instead of pulling the rug out from people's feet and saying, you're paying now, I'm charging for everything, you always offer some free thing for people to enjoy, and then you add one extra thing to it so people are really into it and don't mind paying.
00:41:40.000Most people send us emails saying they like supporting the show.
00:42:18.000You don't have to buy it, but you don't have to be fucking mad that he's selling it.
00:42:21.000Especially when someone's giving you something for free.
00:42:23.000And also, by the way, how about you email me and ask for the fucking MP3? There's like a 99% chance I probably would have just sent it to you.
00:42:31.000Okay, you just fucked up and said on the internet...
00:42:34.000That was the one time I would have done it!
00:43:31.000I got an email from somebody who's like...
00:43:33.000Hi, me and my buds were thinking of taking some magic mushrooms and were wondering if you could tell us where to get them or could send us some in the mail.
00:43:42.000But it was like the slang they were using was like...
00:46:03.000How about we make it so that, just like our ancestors, we get to the point where nothing we have is traceable once the big bang happens and a fucking rock hits the planet and all our hardware corrodes.
00:46:15.000We have nothing solid written anywhere.
00:46:17.000How about no post office and only quarters?
00:47:04.000Because the moment you climb out of the pussy, it's open game.
00:47:09.000But when you're in there, no one can touch you.
00:47:11.000They're all anti-abortion, but the moment you're born, they're like, let him die.
00:47:15.000You could have a baby that pops out and doesn't have insurance inside the fetus if the woman wanted to get inside the womb if the woman wanted an abortion.
00:47:24.000The Tea Party would be like, no, it's evil.
00:47:26.000The moment that baby comes out, if it doesn't have insurance...
00:48:02.000Our real problem is that there's too many fucking people and that you cannot have communities of 20 million people because you're going to get a diffusion of responsibility.
00:48:11.000You're going to get a situation where there's too many fucking people and they're not going to care about one life here or one life there or one person here or one person there.
00:49:53.000But the other part of the problem is that the biological evolution, the evolution of the animal, the human animal itself, to adapt to this system of this community being intensely Like, incredibly larger than it used to be.
00:50:37.000You You mean like the New World Order or like a global...
00:50:40.000No, I mean the idea of a giant community of a bunch of people you don't even fucking know in a number that's so large you can't wrap your head around.
00:50:49.000300 million is just some numbers on a piece of paper.
00:50:52.000No one's brain registers what 300 million people is.
00:50:55.000But that's the community that we're involved in.
00:50:57.000Somehow or another, the world has grown to the point where 300 million people plus the whole rest of the world is constantly communicating at the exact same time, which is something the biological body of today is absolutely not ready for.
00:51:12.000So all of our checks and balances and natural reward systems are completely fucking hijacked.
00:51:18.000Just like they're hijacked with movies that fucking trick us.
00:51:22.000Just like they're hijacked with placebos.
00:51:46.000But isn't that why the system has gotten this big this fast in the first place?
00:51:50.000It's almost like you need greed and intense ambition and all these things that in some form ultimately lead to monarchies, ultimately lead to bad things.
00:52:03.000It's like they get so intense that a person is so competitive about money that they get to the point where they have way more money than they can use and they're fucking over the rest of the world, but they can't even help themselves.
00:52:49.000Now, I think the real truth of the matter is that many of these people have inherited their money.
00:52:54.000Many of these people, they didn't necessarily earn their money.
00:52:56.000And even if they did earn the fucking money, the fact that there are...
00:53:00.000People in the world with big, fat, bloated fucking bellies because they're starving to death in Somali and we can't get the resources there because some fundamentalist fucking Islamic organization won't let the shit through so that fucking babies can eat.
00:53:17.000The fact that we're totally cool with that while simultaneously every bomb we drop costs $100,000 on top of Libya...
00:53:24.000The fact that we're totally cool with that is an indication to me not of a nervous system not catching up, but a state of people not being educated appropriately in ethics.
00:53:36.000School teachers need to start getting paid their doctor's wage.
00:53:40.000School teachers need to start getting paid the same amount the celebrities get paid so that it becomes a competitive industry, and only the super smart are the ones who start giving our children, like, the basic information.
00:53:52.000And on that platform, you should run for president.
00:53:55.000But my point is not attached to the human animal as one of its own.
00:54:01.000My point is looking at it objectively.
00:54:03.000When I look at it objectively, when I look at the way human beings are so intensely focused on wealth and so intensely focused on privilege and on conquering and taking over things, I really think that it's like a queen bee or like any sort of a natural large leader of an ant colony or whatever the fuck it is.
00:54:28.000There's some crazy thing that people need in order to accomplish what we are abstractly aware of trying to accomplish.
00:54:38.000And it goes back to this technology thing.
00:54:41.000When you have ambition, any kind of ambition, you're going to have competition.
00:54:45.000When you have competition, you're always going to have people that take it to the next level.
00:54:49.000And some people take it to the next level like Michael Jordan does on the basketball court.
00:54:53.000Or you've got guys like William Randolph Hearst who takes it to that next level when he was running basketball.
00:55:35.000Why is it going in the most supposedly progressive of all the countries, being America, the most hyper-aggressive about controlling natural resources and about innovation and about weapons?
00:56:31.000It's like the dumbest thing that we're in these Olympics with other countries.
00:56:35.000We've got to go farther, faster, first.
00:56:37.000Yeah, but no, because it pushes innovation and it pushes people to really, I mean, whether or not you believe people landed on the moon, I know it sounds retarded, I still have questions.
00:56:54.000And I think, if I was guilty of something, okay, and I sent you a picture that showed that I wasn't guilty of something and it was really fucking blurry and it looked like it was taken from a million miles away in black and white, would you believe me?
00:57:35.000I don't have a percentage labeled on it.
00:57:37.000I think the people in the 60s and the 70s were full of shit.
00:57:40.000I think the government was intensely full of shit.
00:57:43.000I think the Nixon administration was deceptive as a practice.
00:57:49.000Generally, across the board, completely full of shit and without accountability until they got busted in Watergate and the shit that went on in the Vietnam War, how they got into the Vietnam War from the Gulf of Tonkin incident, which is a big, fat fucking lie.
00:58:04.000Yeah, but do you think the government would have learned by now, like, hey, we're getting at a smarter age.
00:58:44.000But when they put that story out, they did not say that.
00:58:48.000When they put that story out, they said he died in defense of our country.
00:58:51.000Meanwhile, Pat Tillman, when he was over there, was a huge...
00:58:53.000He went from being a huge supporter of the war to going over there and openly criticizing and saying it was a gigantic clusterfuck of epic proportions.
00:59:02.000And his brother still maintains that to this day.
00:59:40.000There's more fragments of metal supposedly in their bodies that are missing from this bullet.
00:59:44.000You know, attribute that to what you will, but the idea that you can shoot a bullet through fucking bone, and no one's ever been able to recreate that.
00:59:49.000They tried that on one of those fucking shows, and the only way they were able to make it look anything even close to that bullet, they had to shoot it through, like, gelatin.
00:59:56.000They had to shoot it through, like, fake skin that's supposed to replicate gelatin.
01:00:00.000But as soon as you hit a bone, that's a rap song.
01:00:40.000Look, you know, Anthony Bourdain had a really good point when he talked about people that get shot.
01:00:44.000When he was on our podcast talking about some people get shot and the bullet ricochets inside their head and exits out the back and doesn't even do any damage.
01:01:24.000And the only reason why they even had to say it went through two people is because we had to attribute three bullets to one person because they found a guy who was under the underpass who was hit with a ricochet.
01:01:36.000When that guy, when they hit the curb, the ricochet of the granite came up, hit this guy, fucked him up.
01:02:21.000Oh, this fucking mob-collected guy or mob-connected guy ran up to him and shot him in broad daylight in the stomach in front of everybody and police officers?
01:03:18.000You will find that in every age there was an idea people had about something that was okay that a later age found to be completely and absolutely wrong.
01:03:32.000There was a time when I guess our grandparents, they would really go to use the bathroom and they'd be like, oh, there's the white person's bathroom.
01:03:43.000And then they would say to whoever was working for them, like if they happened to take their black maid on a shopping trip, they'd be like, oh, there's the colored restroom.
01:03:54.000They didn't do that with some sense of like, I don't know if I should do this or not.
01:03:58.000To them, that was a normal state of existence.
01:04:00.000If you go back a little bit before that, there was slavery.
01:04:04.000You would go over to your friend's house and your friend would have a fucking dude that he had bought that had to do everything he said because it was his slave.
01:04:20.000And then if you go back a little bit before that, you would wake up in the morning and your cow's milk would be sour, and you would go and say to your wife, I think there's a witch nearby.
01:04:40.000Now, somehow people think that right now we've got it all figured out and there's not something equally insane that we all consider to be a total normal facet of reality.
01:04:55.000The truth of the matter is, There is a hive mind.
01:04:59.000People are leaders, and there are people who understand that in primate neurology, there is a way to tune in to that fucking frequency of attention and convince people that you're the president, the leader, the king, the queen, whatever the fuck it is you want to call it.
01:05:15.000You can convince primates, if you spin the fucking spiral in front of them in the right way, you can convince them that you're their leader.
01:05:51.000If you're an intelligent person, if you're an intelligent person and you're a respected person, you go on television and say the president should be respected no more than any other man.
01:06:05.000You know, man, people, if you want to see the conditioning when you watch somebody burn a flag in front of the wrong person, people will freak out.
01:06:25.000And he was angry because the Mexican restaurant was flying a Mexican flag above an American flag.
01:06:32.000And apparently this dude said that that was not legal.
01:06:36.000So he goes there with a fucking knife, opens up this giant knife, and saws the rope on this guy's flag in front of this man's Mexican restaurant.
01:06:47.000Pulls the flags down and cuts old glory free.
01:06:51.000Folds it up properly and takes it with him.
01:06:54.000And he's like, you will not disrespect this flag.
01:06:56.000And he's like, it clearly states somewhere, I don't know where it is, some old asshole who's dead as fuck wrote down on some piece of paper, the old glory must be on top.
01:07:06.000This is the appropriate way to fold the flag.
01:07:08.000America can never be, you know, never be humble.
01:08:05.000And as we get smarter, I think, as a species, that kind of stuff is becoming less and less palatable.
01:08:13.000And because now when we're engaged in these ceremonies, most of us are thinking like, you know, the Pledge of Allegiance or whatever at a baseball game.
01:08:23.000I don't even know they do that at a baseball game.
01:08:25.000I'm not saying everyone, but I think there is a percentage of people in the audience who are doing it out of just a sense of like, oh, it's kind of quaint.
01:09:00.000There's a certain amount of respect that you're going to get from me for being a patriot.
01:09:05.000Well, no, because I believe in the system, and this president was elected, and because this president was elected, then I just have to go with what's happening, and then I trust my government.
01:09:13.000Now, this is the silliest fucking place for your mind to get to when you really look back at the fact that this very same government was the same government that enforced segregation.
01:09:25.000It was the same government that illegally went to war in Vietnam.
01:09:28.000It was the same government that told us that there was weapons of mass destruction in Iraq when there were no weapons of mass destruction.
01:09:34.000This very same government that you've pledged your allegiance to again and again and again and again and again and again and again throughout history has shown that it does not do the right thing.
01:10:10.000A purely representative government of an educated population.
01:10:16.000A truly educated, not just educated with books and numbers, or numbers and words, but educated as far as behavior, educated as far as character.
01:10:25.000There's too many of us to get that done.
01:10:27.000And there's not enough incentive, unfortunately.
01:10:29.000I know that right now the idea is that there's too many of us.
01:10:32.000But I think that's what this whole, I'm a patriot, I'm a Christian, this is a reason...
01:10:40.000You're not paying attention to what I'm saying.
01:10:41.000The idea is that being a Christian, saying you're a patriot, saying you're trying to hold some higher ideal that you would really like other people to do as well.
01:10:53.000And if they do do it, you're going to treat them better and everyone's going to have more energy together.
01:11:29.000He's got his toga on or whatever the thing is he's wearing, and he's flying that fucking Enola gay to drop a nuclear weapon on a population of children and women and boyfriends and girlfriends and artists.
01:11:41.000That Jesus is like, I must do this for my father.
01:17:32.000But every period in history has got those human anchors desperately trying to dig their claws into the earth and keep evolution from happening.
01:20:09.000They were talking about Mr. Hands today.
01:20:11.000I worked on this horror movie, this low-budget horror movie, and they were all talking about Mr. Hands, but they were all calling it Mr. Hands.mpeg or whatever.
01:20:25.000And they just described it where it was the woman's face was off the side of the thing, and the horse was just fucking coming, and suddenly it pulls out, and just floppy dick and cum and everything, and the girl at one point is going...
01:21:49.000I don't think there is a comparison between a girl getting horse cum blasted all over and a guy getting impaled to death on the penis of a horse.
01:23:58.000Her Twitter just got assaulted by savages.
01:24:00.000Do you know how fucking trippy it's going to be for her to open up her Twitter tomorrow morning and look at 5,000 responses out of nowhere?
01:27:00.000Are they allowed to only bang people on camera?
01:27:02.000We had Dana DeArmond on once, who's a very cool chick, but she was talking about a relationship she was in once, where she had a relationship with a porn star, but they were only allowed to bang other people in movies.
01:27:13.000And she caught them banging other people outside of the movies, and she was mad.
01:31:46.000Because there's a bunch of people that want to get their fucking greedy little paws on things.
01:31:49.000There's a bunch of different producers, a bunch of different executives, a bunch of different people, and they all have their own vision of how it should work.
01:31:55.000This guy, Jason Momoa, is an unknown actor, fairly unknown at least, to carry such a gigantic franchise.
01:32:00.000It's a $90 million fucking investment for the studio.
01:32:04.000And all these assholes want to stick their dirty fingers in it.
01:32:42.000He was, like, really over the top, almost Jim Carrey in Ace Ventura-ish.
01:32:48.000And there was a guy who was on the set who was an executive.
01:32:51.000And I don't know what production company filmed it.
01:32:54.000I was barely paying attention to any of that shit back then.
01:32:56.000But this guy had a Rolex on and a super expensive suit with suspenders and cufflinks.
01:33:04.000I mean, this was a fucking, this was a baller.
01:33:07.000This was some guy who had made a bunch of big, big movies already and made a ton of money and was dressing on this movie set in a way that I'd really never seen anybody dress in a movie set.
01:33:33.000How about you walk in, you step one foot on the floor, you throw your legs up and he made it himself.
01:33:40.000He did his own little interpretation of what he thought would be awesome in the scene.
01:33:44.000And I was like, God damn, here his ego wanna mock some completely uncreative fuckhead wearing cufflinks is telling this really funny kid what to do.
01:33:58.000And I was watching it erode right before my eyes.
01:34:01.000I was watching what was like a really funny script and a really zany, kind of silly actor.
01:34:15.000Like, one guy thought we could do it right, and we could recreate Robert E. Howard's version of Conan, and we could have, you know, fucking monsters and sorcery and all kinds of crazy shit that he fights against.
01:34:49.000And they start getting their dirty little stinky jizz-covered paws all over that script, and they start fucking dropping coke rocks out of their fucking nose on keywords.
01:35:11.000The thing we were talking about at the beginning, when people are used to free entertainment, they want it to stay free.
01:35:18.000And a lot of people, when they watch NBC or ABC or CBS or any of these shows, they think they're getting free entertainment.
01:35:24.000But they're not getting free entertainment.
01:35:27.000They're paying with their attention on the advertisements, but more than that, they're paying in the form of getting diluted entertainment.
01:35:35.000that's that thing that you just described every show on a network has had almost every show has had that exact same thing applied to it in so many different ways because the executives want to sell antidepressants or they want to sell chevrolet's or whatever the fuck they're advertising on the show so and have you ever had this experience personally Where shit got diluted?
01:35:58.000My one experience with a show that didn't get picked up by Comedy Central, weirdly, because I was prepared for this, I was like, they're going to, they're going to, Comedy Central will ruin my vision!
01:36:07.000And the first round of notes that came back was awesome!
01:36:10.000It was great notes, really smart, it was like, it made, the notes made sense, there wasn't any kind of weird, like, oh yes, wait, no, no, no, I did have it happen.
01:36:19.000I did have it happen when I made some stuff for Fuel TV for this show called Stupid Face.
01:36:42.000And my friend Brian Jarvis played a space captain and something had happened where he'd gotten sucked into a black hole and a flood had sucked my cabin into a black hole at the same time and now we fly through space in this cabin and we're just idiots and like, it's just the stupidest...
01:37:00.000I wish we'd had a bigger budget, though, man, because it's such a funny idea.
01:37:09.000So Joey Diaz's episode was, we're, like, in the cabin, and my grandfather comes, like, knocks on the door of the cabin in space, and I'm like...
01:37:51.000If you ever had children, and you and your wife were getting divorced, she would bring that fucking video to a court and say, this is the kind of shit I gotta deal with.
01:38:03.000UN. You know, that's another thing, to fight for the kids.
01:38:52.000Yeah, well, you know, man, the thing about that shit, man, is that, well, the thing I'm realizing is there's a fucking shitty network executive in everyone's life, or most people's lives.
01:39:02.000It's like, that shit doesn't just stop at the networks.
01:40:25.000Yeah, it's like the time when we were doing Stupid Face, the guy, here's the weird thing, the executive, like there are two guys who are these skateboarders named Ted and Laban who are the main producers and they're awesome, just crazy awesome brilliant guys.
01:40:41.000Then above them was this guy that they had to pass everything through.
01:40:48.000You know, this was good, but it would be better if we could make it more laughy.
01:41:11.000What are your specific problems with it?
01:41:13.000But that was the one experience I had with that.
01:41:16.000But I have obviously heard shitloads of people having these problems.
01:41:21.000It's kind of like, remember when you were in reading class, when you were learning to read as a kid, and you'd sit in a circle and you'd read?
01:41:27.000And there was always that kid who slowed the whole thing down.
01:41:30.000It would get to that one kid who's like, there is...
01:43:43.000And so I put me in certain situations.
01:43:46.000I put me in a situation where There's some fights going on, I have to explain what's going on In a way that people are going to think it's entertaining And ingest that And then there's other me where I'm going on a stage In front of a bunch of people And I'm going to say things in a certain way That's going to make them laugh Or me and I'm talking on the internet On a podcast Or me and I'm Getting people to do something fucked up On Fear Factor I'm a professional me What's that?
01:44:15.000I wish you could talk about that thing.
01:44:17.000Oh yeah, I wish I could too, but I cannot, sir.
01:44:19.000He has photos of something he can't talk about on his phone.
01:44:22.000We'll be able to talk about it eventually.
01:44:23.000It's the most amazing thing I've ever seen.
01:50:31.000Did you hear about this fucking shit about lifelike cells made of metal that they've figured out a way and they're theorizing now that there might be living things out there in the universe that evolve from metal?
01:52:30.000If they released this just six months or six weeks, rather, before the Transformers movie came out and they could have this information along with their teasers, it could be a more exciting movie for me.
01:52:41.000Because I'd be like, maybe it's not so preposterous that these big stupid fucking cars become people-saving robots.
01:52:48.000Like, they give a fucking flying shit about people.
01:52:55.000That, to me, it's like, why think about other planets?
01:52:57.000You have the source of all life on this planet, the main energy source for all life on this planet, outside of things that are getting it from, like, steam vents at the bottom of the sea through Things that are living in thermal ducts or whatever.
01:56:29.000And Max Kellerman, who is the HBO boxing analyst, my personal favorite boxing analyst, next to Jim Lampley, who's also, those two guys together are my two favorite boxing analysts.
01:56:41.000You know, a lot of people think that because I do the commentary for the UFC that I don't like boxing.
01:58:23.000The coolest thing of my entire showbiz experience, right up there with my Spike TV special, which is my favorite special, is Anthony Bourdain doing the podcast.
01:58:37.000But the next coolest thing, and maybe even cooler if it's possible, is this Graham Hancock interview.
01:58:42.000Because if you don't know who Graham Hancock is, I want you to go and research fingerprints of the gods if you're so inclined, if you're interested in this.
01:58:49.000But what a fascinating guy who's basically dedicated his whole life to the very controversial and unpopular idea that human beings have been around perhaps far longer in this advanced state of civilization that we currently enjoy than we give credit to.
01:59:05.000And in fact, there's been some huge ups and huge downs throughout history.
01:59:09.000And it's not simply one straight path from caveman to Wi-Fi.
01:59:14.000And that along the way, there's been some disasters.
01:59:20.000I wouldn't say that it can be proven, but what I can say is enough evidence can be brought forth that makes you completely question the current ideas of the timelines of human history.
01:59:34.000And this guy, Graham Hancock, is responsible for his book Fingerprints of the Gods, completely changing the way I look at civilization.
01:59:57.000Yes, not only that, but it has a, you know, when the Spanish came and when the Mayans were conquered, you know, in different parts of, you know, South America, you know.
02:00:35.000Like, does it look like people from the jungle?
02:00:37.000No, not only that, not only are they not in it, it was completely covered.
02:00:39.000I mean, I'm sure some local people were aware of its existence because, you know, when you, you know, you stand, you walk around on there and all of a sudden you're like, what is this?
02:00:47.000Well, dig a little, oh, it's a giant fucking perfectly hewn rock that's four feet wide and two feet tall.
02:00:53.000Well, obviously this didn't just happen.
02:00:58.000They just didn't know that this mountain, you know, they say that there's thousands of these that they haven't discovered, which is so mind-boggling until you look at the geography of South America.
02:01:12.000But if you take into account the size of North America, South America, look at Mexico, look at how much land you're talking about and how much of it is jungle.
02:01:22.000You know, they have found, there was a documentary that I was watching on Egypt, or excuse me, on the Amazon, rather, where they were talking about all these different structures that they're finding in the jungles of civilization.
02:01:33.000They have no idea how this civilization got there, don't know who they were, don't know what their origins were.
02:01:41.000But they're looking at aqueducts, they're looking at roads, they're looking at all this shit that's just run over by the jungle.
02:01:47.000And the reality is, man, if you have a fucking house and you put this giant stone house in the middle of the Amazon...
02:01:53.000A hundred years from now, that motherfucker is going to be covered with trees.
02:02:11.000It's an explorer who was searching for this famed lost city that existed in the middle of the Amazon.
02:02:17.000It might be that pyramid that they found.
02:02:20.000He was looking for it based on some old scrolls in this library that he found.
02:02:25.000And he was like a theosophist because the theosophists were really into this idea that there still existed advanced civilizations on this planet that had closed themselves off to the rest of human society.
02:02:36.000And he thought he would find a place where people were still living there.
02:02:40.000But he went down into the Amazon and just basically vanished.
02:02:43.000This is Save the Secrets of the Dead, Lost Amazon.
02:02:47.000A PBS documentary that's on Netflix called The Secrets of the Dead set out to find the fabled Lost City of Z. That's it.
02:03:32.000He really thought that there was going to be this advanced civilization still in existence that was somehow going to transmit this information to him, which some people still believe.
02:03:41.000There's the hollow earth theory, the idea that Shambhala exists in the Arctic.
02:04:40.000Maybe you got one cunt who reviewed it and didn't like it.
02:04:45.000But anyway, the point is that this discovery in Guatemala, I believe they discovered it in 2009. And it's just sort of being publicized today.
02:06:18.000There were a bunch of different things happening to people who didn't even know each other?
02:06:20.000Kind of, but yet there was also like, alright, the husband almost got mugged and his car got stolen and then the next morning his wife is walking and found a baby in a bush and then his secretary...
02:14:03.000I like being inundated by great feeling shit.
02:14:07.000I think it's important to wrap our heads around that.
02:14:10.000Well, I mean, if you can accept it, it's just like...
02:14:13.000Me and my friend were just talking about this Sartre, this French existentialist philosopher, and how the existentialists basically have this idea where it's like, yeah, you can fucking enjoy reality and get caught up in being an enthusiast or whatever, but the depths of it, it's just pure absurdity.
02:14:39.000So like, you know, for example, like when you see your dog dry hump another dog, you know, you see the dog dry hump and you kind of watch it.
02:14:45.000It's kind of funny, but it's like you're watching an instinctual trigger, you know, go through the thing and it just acts this thing out.
02:14:53.000And then when you find yourself humping somebody that you just met and you realize you're going through the same instinctual trigger and you're like, ah, fuck!
02:18:33.000And she turned her shoulder into it and threw her fucking weight into it, and she went two knuckles for it.
02:18:40.000I go, who the fuck taught you how to punch like that?
02:18:41.000You know, like her dad taught her how to punch people and shit, but I was like, man, if that chick punches you in the face, she will knock you the fuck out.
02:19:53.000We just got to hope that the human doesn't get hit on the jawbone and it doesn't compress all those nerves that send the signals down to all the limbs.
02:20:01.000Because if it does, everything shuts off.
02:20:31.000But the idea that I've had to explain to me is that the nerves, when you punch a person on the jaw, that their jawbone slams into the cluster of nerves behind them, and it just causes this big electrical short circuit, depending on a bunch of different things, depending and it just causes this big electrical short circuit, depending on a bunch of different things, depending on your determination, depending on your anger, your adrenaline level, your focus, Whether or not you've been punched before, you know how to react to it or how to stay calm under pressure.
02:21:01.000And depending on the physiological design of your actual frame, different body structures can take a different load of impact.
02:21:11.000Like large jaws and big David Tua-looking faces.
02:21:15.000There was a guy named David Tua who still is a very dangerous heavyweight boxer.
02:21:19.000He's just a Samoan dude, Tonga dude, whatever the fuck he is.
02:21:31.000He fought Lennox Lewis, and Lennox Lewis connected with straight right hands that just would have put normal men on the moon and just boom, hit him.
02:21:47.000There's the shape of your frame, the shape of your body, the thickness of your tendons and cords, and then there's just the fucking design flaw.
02:21:55.000The jaw goes to the cluster of nerves, and depending on your sensitivity, some people just shut right off.
02:22:02.000There's some dudes that they just have a glass jaw, man, and all you have to do is get to their jaw, and What?
02:23:00.000I think that's really cool to watch and I fucking love it.
02:23:03.000But I just think that when you get into a situation where you have a bungee cord hanging out of your mouth and you're lifting weights with your jaw, it's embarrassing.
02:23:14.000It's like that moment in time, if I was doing that, if I'm like, gotta get my fucking jaw straight!
02:23:19.000I'd be like, dude, why don't you fucking pick up a history book?
02:24:32.000By the way, if you see a kid playing with dolls and you go up to the kid and you're like, you know those dolls aren't real and what you're doing is totally meaningless, you're kind of an asshole.
02:24:43.000The kid's lucky it's getting to play with dolls.
02:24:45.000The kid's fucking lucky that the kid can get fixated on dolls.
02:24:49.000That he can wear a fucking towel around his neck and pretend he's a superhero and run around his backyard with a cardboard sword.
02:24:56.000lucky but i so in the same way when adults are doing the identical thing and taking on these uh silly identities and strengthening their jaws and they're absorbed and their attention is focused onto whatever the fucking thing is whether if it's leonard skinner's drunken night of line dancing or somebody punching his fist through a fucking wall or someone climbing a mountain or whatever if that's grabbing your attention lucky you don't stop it Yeah.
02:25:25.000But once that shit stops distracting you, if you continue on that path and pretend that it still is distracting you from the void, that's where shit gets weird.
02:25:37.000Maybe you get to a certain point where you realize, what difference does it make?
02:25:43.000What difference does it make what my understanding of the situation is?
02:25:46.000What difference does it make my acceptance of the void if I am but a temporary creature?
02:25:51.000And should I not just enjoy this time and spread as much positive energy as possible and contribute my part in a true and clear understanding that I cannot fix all this?
02:26:49.000It's going to be even more than that over the course of a couple of years.
02:26:51.000Because this shit is going to spread and spread and spread and some of these ideas are going to resonate with people because you are Ahead of a lot of other people in this weird game of thinking there's people out there that right now are listening to this podcast They are 19 years old and they've never considered any of the ideas that Duncan Trussell is presenting to them and the idea that you know that That it's human civilization and ideas and all these things could be literally alien life forms trying to manifest themselves in a conscious way on this plane and that's how they interact with people and
02:27:19.000There's a lot of people right now, 17, 16, 15, sitting with their friends, getting their fucking mind blown by you, dude.
02:27:27.000And you don't think about it because you're just being you, but that impact is serious and legitimate.
02:28:42.000Yeah, man, but to get back to that idea that we were just talking about, when you find yourself successfully getting fixated on shit, like successfully getting into something, the last thing you should do is stop it.
02:28:53.000It's kind of sad when you see people who really enjoy something and out of some sense of guilt, they're trying to stop themselves from doing it, but like...
02:29:02.000Like, addicts, they keep doing stuff even though they're clearly aware that it's not satiating them anymore.
02:29:12.000I have an addictive personality, so I know exactly what it's like to have the focus of my mind sucked away by something for me to consciously think, I don't want to do this anymore.
02:29:24.000This is a direct, this conversation, this idea is directly connected to what we were talking about earlier, about hijacking the reward system, about something that is artificial, and artificial in its power, in its potency, the idea of...
02:29:47.000Avatar in 3D. If you were a caveman, your DNA is basically the same DNA as people that lived 10,000 years ago drawing fucking stupid buffaloes on the cave walls while we're living by the light of a fire.
02:30:01.000It's impossible to wrap your fucking head around the kind of impact that's having on the organism.
02:30:07.000Yeah, well, it's all a magnification of the four basic drives.
02:30:13.000Eating, sleeping, mating, and defending.
02:30:15.000Those are the things that drive all, probably most, organic forms of life.
02:31:24.000So because of that, because we know each other so well, and we know we're both looking out, we're all three looking out for each other, we can say anything.
02:31:33.000But what we're doing is we're saying anything, and somehow or another...
02:31:36.000Way more people than we're ever going to meet ever in our fucking life are listening all at once.
02:31:54.000Why are we so looking forward to going to New Orleans where this weekend you and I are going to go to the House of Blues, a sold-out show, and we're going to perform for...
02:32:34.000If you want to get in touch with Duncan, you can follow him on Twitter, and now he's obligated to respond to all of your messages because he told you that all you had to do was call him about the fucking expensive podcast.
02:33:07.000It's something I did for Tim and Eric for HBO's Funny or Die, and it's like basically a takeoff on those skateboarding videos, but it's about we play these idiots, like idiots who learn to body surf, but mainly it's just about us all fucking this one dude on the beach.
02:34:30.000It's very intimate, but then there's this other room.
02:34:31.000It's like 85 seats and You know Brian and I you know at all come you've you've talked about it We've talked about it before about like what's the perfect size of a comedy club?
02:34:40.000I don't know This weekend we're going to do somewhere around 700 people at the House of Blues, which is like a medium.
02:34:47.000And then there's the really small places where it's like the Ice House, which is like 85 people.
02:34:53.000And then there's October 7th in Houston with Brendan Walsh and me and Joey Diaz.
02:34:59.000We're going to do the Horizon Wireless Theater, which is like thousands of fucking people.
02:37:43.000If you're interested in brain pills, go to onnit.com.
02:37:46.000If you want to see one of the most interesting and fascinating stand-up comics in the country, and one of my best friends, go see Duncan Trussell at the Laughing Skull in Atlanta, Georgia.
02:39:44.000No, I mean if we're at a hotel that the internet sucks, the new Ustream lets you record to your computer and then go back and upload it later.
02:40:28.000Chris Hardwick's a buddy, and I ran into him at the airport recently.
02:40:30.000And people say, like, you guys got in the best Twitter argument ever because you, like, solved it, like, so, like, civilly and everybody was so cool.
02:40:37.000It wasn't really an argument, you know?
02:40:38.000I mean, he doesn't like the Stitcher thing, and I understand his point, and I like it.