The Joe Rogan Experience - September 22, 2011


Joe Rogan Experience #140 - Brendon Walsh (Part 2)


Episode Stats

Length

56 minutes

Words per Minute

196.87054

Word Count

11,051

Sentence Count

1,214

Misogynist Sentences

31

Hate Speech Sentences

24


Summary

In this episode, the brother and sister duo of the sit down and reminisce about growing up in a small town in Ohio. We talk about how technology has changed the way we live our lives and what it s like to grow up in the 90s and early 2000s. We also talk about what it was like to move to a new city for college and how it s still hard to get a job in a big city like LA. And of course, we play a game called "Who's Calling" which is a game where you answer the phone and try to figure out who s calling. If you like the game, please HIT SUBSCRIBE on Apple Podcasts or wherever else you get your podcasts. You can also join the conversation by using the hashtag , and tag and to be featured on the next episode! if you like what you hear, please leave us a review and tell us what you thought of this episode and what you think about it in the comments section below! tag=2894607&name=The_thing&ref=a&qid=2895607&refref=the_thing_id=2795607 Brian and Maren talk about moving away from Ohio and how they grew up in small towns and moving to Los Angeles, California, and the challenges they had to deal with in order to get their lives to start a new jobs and a new life in the big city, and how to break away from the monotony of being stuck in the same old life. Thank you so much for being so open and honest and being open about their life and being willing to talk about it all the hard times they have had to grow and open up their minds to new opportunities. . thank you for being open and letting us know that they are open to new ideas and being vulnerable and open about it. Thank you for letting us talk about things like that. We appreciate it. , we really appreciate it! Brian & Maren Maren xoxo, Brian xo XOXO, - Brian - & Chris <3 (p. (and Maren's podcast CHEER! ( ) Thanks for listening and supporting us with your support and support us in this episode. - Thank you, Brian


Transcript

00:00:00.000 I didn't know.
00:00:00.000 I talked about it before I did it.
00:00:03.000 I hung up...
00:00:05.000 Is this like online now?
00:00:08.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:00:09.000 Dude, you're an internet legend right now.
00:00:13.000 It's online.
00:00:14.000 Oh, yeah.
00:00:15.000 Oh, cool.
00:00:17.000 Wait, this is on?
00:00:18.000 Do you see that old couple who couldn't figure out the webcam?
00:00:21.000 No.
00:00:21.000 There's a funny viral video of this old couple trying to figure out how to work their webcam, and the webcam is recording the whole time.
00:00:30.000 Oh, wow.
00:00:31.000 Yeah.
00:00:31.000 It's, like, cute.
00:00:34.000 Could you imagine being an old person dealing with the internet now?
00:00:39.000 They must feel ripped off.
00:00:41.000 I already find little things that I'm already getting annoyed about.
00:00:44.000 Like I'm doing the thing where I don't want to learn it type thing.
00:00:47.000 You know, like how my dad doesn't want an iPhone.
00:00:49.000 He wants a phone and he doesn't want anything else.
00:00:52.000 Those crazy people.
00:00:54.000 Those are crazy people.
00:00:55.000 Those crazy people.
00:00:56.000 Hey, listen, I don't want no textages.
00:00:58.000 I used to be like that.
00:00:59.000 I don't want a camera on my head.
00:01:01.000 Are you like that for anything though?
00:01:03.000 I mean, I find myself with things, like maybe video games or something like that.
00:01:06.000 The swarm of technology overwhelmed my life so quickly.
00:01:11.000 I embraced it so quickly.
00:01:13.000 I used to joke about text messages.
00:01:15.000 I had a bit about it.
00:01:16.000 Why is it?
00:01:17.000 Oh my goodness.
00:01:18.000 It's been a long time since I left the fucking phone on, ladies and gentlemen.
00:01:21.000 And I do apologize.
00:01:23.000 Maybe it's a caller.
00:01:24.000 It's a late night podcast, folks.
00:01:26.000 And I had been doing Fear Factor all day.
00:01:30.000 I'm tired.
00:01:31.000 I don't know what's going on.
00:01:33.000 First time caller?
00:01:35.000 Let's hope they don't call back.
00:01:36.000 I like this game.
00:01:37.000 I like to hear who it is.
00:01:39.000 This one doesn't tell you.
00:01:41.000 It's a better phone though.
00:01:42.000 I gave up on it just constantly telling me who's calling.
00:01:45.000 Sometimes I don't give a fuck.
00:01:47.000 I don't want to hear that voice.
00:01:48.000 That electronic voice that fucks up everybody's name.
00:01:54.000 Receiving call from Brendan.
00:01:56.000 Does it repeat it over and over?
00:01:58.000 Yeah.
00:01:59.000 Do you have any old answer machines laying around?
00:02:01.000 No.
00:02:02.000 If you have one, find it.
00:02:04.000 If you have one in your basement or your garage, plug that shit in and just listen to the messages of your life from, what, seven years ago or something like that.
00:02:12.000 I just did that.
00:02:12.000 And it was the most creepiest shit ever.
00:02:15.000 I was like, wow, I was in a weird place right there.
00:02:18.000 You know, like, hey, Brian, I need you to work two double shifts, you know, here and there, and I think I got my girlfriend pregnant.
00:02:25.000 We're going to go over to the bowling alley later.
00:02:27.000 And I'm just like, what?
00:02:29.000 You used to talk to when you were in Ohio?
00:02:32.000 Yeah, like people from Ohio and stuff like that.
00:02:34.000 It was so fucking weird.
00:02:35.000 Do you look back on people from Ohio like they don't know that Ohio is like, you gotta escape?
00:02:43.000 I think people in Ohio just feel trapped.
00:02:46.000 They feel trapped?
00:02:49.000 Yeah, I felt trapped when I was there because you don't make a lot of money when you live in Ohio for the majority of people, or at least the class I was in.
00:02:57.000 I was just working job to job, getting laid off, you know, whatever, to do another job.
00:03:02.000 And it was just like, wow, $13 an hour, ooh, $14 an hour, something like that.
00:03:07.000 But I didn't have enough money to move or go to California.
00:03:11.000 That seemed ridiculous, you know?
00:03:14.000 It's hard to move from...
00:03:16.000 That's everywhere, though.
00:03:17.000 Especially with family.
00:03:18.000 That's like the neighborhood I grew up in is the same way.
00:03:20.000 Like when I moved to...
00:03:21.000 I lived in Ireland for a year in like 96, and...
00:03:26.000 It blew people's minds.
00:03:27.000 They were like, how the fuck do you go to Ireland?
00:03:30.000 Like, what are you, just bought a plane ticket?
00:03:32.000 And I was like, yeah, you can do that.
00:03:34.000 So that's what you did?
00:03:35.000 You didn't know anybody in Ireland?
00:03:36.000 You just moved there?
00:03:37.000 Yeah, I just went.
00:03:38.000 That's pretty savage.
00:03:39.000 I love that.
00:03:40.000 I love that idea.
00:03:42.000 That's awesome.
00:03:43.000 That must have been a hell of an experience.
00:03:44.000 It was fun, yeah.
00:03:46.000 You learn a lot.
00:03:47.000 You learn that things usually work out.
00:03:48.000 What was the motivation for that?
00:03:50.000 I actually, you know, I did talk about this on Maren's podcast recently.
00:03:55.000 We should just play Maren's podcast.
00:03:56.000 Yeah, let's just play.
00:03:57.000 We'll go back and take the best place.
00:03:59.000 I mean, the short story is I was somebody I knew drowned, and I had to identify their body.
00:04:06.000 Whoa.
00:04:07.000 And...
00:04:08.000 And it just kind of like, I was like 23, and she was pretty young.
00:04:13.000 She was like 22 or 23, and she was taking classes in the summer to graduate college earlier.
00:04:20.000 And I just thought like, oh, she's taking classes, like doing all this shit she didn't want to do.
00:04:24.000 I don't know.
00:04:25.000 I just was like, oh, you can just do whatever you want.
00:04:29.000 And life's short, I guess.
00:04:31.000 I don't know.
00:04:32.000 But I just...
00:04:34.000 That was kind of the motivation.
00:04:36.000 And I saw a cheap ticket to Ireland.
00:04:39.000 I think you might have told me this story before.
00:04:42.000 But it's fascinating nonetheless.
00:04:45.000 We very rarely get to see dead bodies.
00:04:49.000 It's so rare that you get to see one.
00:04:51.000 I remember when I saw my grandfather.
00:04:53.000 My grandfather died of cancer.
00:04:55.000 And when I went to the morgue, you know, where they have them all dressed up and shit?
00:04:59.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:05:00.000 And you're standing near the body.
00:05:02.000 In the casket there?
00:05:03.000 I realized, I was like, this is the first dead body I've ever been around.
00:05:06.000 Ever.
00:05:07.000 I've never really been around a dead body.
00:05:09.000 It's amazing that all these people die, but we do such a good job of keeping bodies away from people's views.
00:05:14.000 Eyeballs, yeah.
00:05:14.000 Yeah, because it's so disturbing.
00:05:16.000 Well, like viewings, though.
00:05:17.000 That's why it doesn't never kind of tweak you out when you think about a dude who'd be a mortician.
00:05:22.000 I mean, I understand that it's a very important job.
00:05:24.000 I think about that.
00:05:24.000 I understand it's an important job.
00:05:26.000 I do get it.
00:05:26.000 And, you know, forensic medicine, the idea of, you know, solving crimes and, you know, checking people's corpses and shit, like that Dr. Michael Badden.
00:05:34.000 I love that.
00:05:35.000 That's an amazing show, that HBO show.
00:05:37.000 But doesn't it fucking freak you out that they're handling dead bodies?
00:05:41.000 There's something about that, man, that tweaks my head.
00:05:45.000 Just touching dead bodies.
00:05:47.000 The idea, just the possibility, and I know this is not the case with these doctors, and I know it's most likely not the case with 99.9% of the morticians.
00:05:56.000 But the fact that there's like the 1% that would enjoy fucking their bodies and moving them around and smacking them and putting on little shows for himself.
00:06:06.000 That Sam Kinison bit, that made me pee my pants the first time I heard it when I was a kid.
00:06:13.000 That bit got me to think about doing stand-up comedy.
00:06:17.000 That bit, and it wasn't even told by Sam Kinison.
00:06:20.000 It was told by a girl that I worked with.
00:06:22.000 I was working at this health club, and this girl came in, and she was just fucking laughing.
00:06:26.000 She was like, oh my God, that heavy Boston accent.
00:06:29.000 I saw fucking this guy on TV, Sam Kinison.
00:06:32.000 Oh my God, he was so fucking funny.
00:06:34.000 So she goes, and she did on the floor.
00:06:37.000 She got down on the stomach.
00:06:38.000 She did, oh, human life keeps fucking you.
00:06:41.000 It never ends!
00:06:42.000 She did it, and she did a pretty good job of it, because I was laughing hard, and I was like, wow, he said what?
00:06:48.000 That's the craziest thing I've ever heard of.
00:06:50.000 And then I got a hold of the VHS tape, and I remember watching that bit going, god damn, that's comedy too?
00:06:57.000 That's comedy too?
00:06:58.000 I thought comedy was that evening at the improv stuff.
00:07:00.000 I thought comedy for white guys was you rolled up your sleeves and you talked about pet food.
00:07:06.000 That's really what you saw on TV a lot, and as a child, I saw that and And occasionally you saw something on The Tonight Show.
00:07:15.000 I saw Delirious.
00:07:17.000 I'm a little younger than you.
00:07:19.000 When I was 14, I saw Delirious and Andrew Dice Clay, his special from the TLA. Yeah, Delirious is another one.
00:07:28.000 And Raw.
00:07:29.000 Delirious might have been so good that I never even thought I could possibly do stand-up at that time.
00:07:34.000 Oh, really?
00:07:35.000 This is ridiculous.
00:07:36.000 I think I was getting older when Kinnison came around.
00:07:39.000 I was more confident.
00:07:40.000 Yeah.
00:07:40.000 I think Delirious was when I was younger, and I remember watching over my friend Jimmy Lawless' house.
00:07:45.000 Me and him and his sister were watching this, and it was so funny.
00:07:51.000 No, it was not Jimmy.
00:07:52.000 John Bataraco's sister, for the record.
00:07:54.000 We're all sitting around, and we're watching, and it was so fucking funny that we were embarrassed to be sitting next to each other.
00:08:00.000 It was so good.
00:08:02.000 For the time when we were teenagers in high school, Eddie Murphy Raw was just like, or Delirious rather, was just a destroyer.
00:08:09.000 Raw's really good.
00:08:09.000 I rented Raw recently again.
00:08:11.000 Did you like it?
00:08:12.000 I did because I saw it a couple times when I was a kid and just rented it because I couldn't really remember any bits from it.
00:08:21.000 And it's pretty good.
00:08:24.000 No, I mean, I don't know.
00:08:26.000 There's some nostalgia to it, too, right?
00:08:28.000 There's some nostalgia to it, but it's like, God, he's wearing this leather suit.
00:08:32.000 Yeah, it's awesome.
00:08:33.000 Fuck.
00:08:33.000 His suit was awesome.
00:08:34.000 Yeah.
00:08:35.000 Martin Lawrence had some fucking awesome suits, too.
00:08:37.000 Yeah.
00:08:38.000 Black guys can pull that off.
00:08:39.000 Could you imagine if some white comic went on stage, if Patton Oswalt started doing all of his shit in a leather suit?
00:08:46.000 Yeah.
00:08:47.000 That'd be hilarious.
00:08:48.000 There's something weird about that, man.
00:08:50.000 Black comics can go way more sexy.
00:08:53.000 They can go way harder.
00:08:54.000 Yeah.
00:08:56.000 No, that suit's funny.
00:08:57.000 When my friend, do you know Chelsea Peretti?
00:09:00.000 Chelsea Peretti.
00:09:01.000 I know the name.
00:09:01.000 She's funny.
00:09:02.000 She did a half hour special for Comedy Central last year, and she was going to wear the red leather suit that Eddie Murphy wore.
00:09:10.000 Delirious.
00:09:11.000 We were trying to find something.
00:09:12.000 I don't know if she really was going to do it, but...
00:09:14.000 Did you watch The Roast of Charlie Sheen?
00:09:18.000 When Mike Tyson held out his fist and Steve-O ran his face in it and broke his nose.
00:09:23.000 That was funny, but you know what was the funniest part?
00:09:27.000 Was that woman?
00:09:27.000 Who was that comic?
00:09:28.000 The one that just attacked?
00:09:30.000 Yeah, the one who went after...
00:09:31.000 Who is that?
00:09:32.000 I don't know.
00:09:32.000 Amy Schumer?
00:09:33.000 Amy Schumer.
00:09:34.000 Yeah.
00:09:35.000 That's who it is.
00:09:35.000 Dude, she's hilarious.
00:09:37.000 She's really funny.
00:09:38.000 Oh my god.
00:09:39.000 She attacked Mike Tyson.
00:09:41.000 It was one of the most bold and vicious insult attacks I've ever seen.
00:09:47.000 And Tyson tried to come back, like tried to go after her.
00:09:51.000 He said something like, I think, if there was as many dicks out of you that within you, you would look like a porcupine.
00:09:58.000 Something like that.
00:09:59.000 Yeah, that's exactly what he said.
00:10:00.000 Was that what he said?
00:10:00.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:10:01.000 And she just goes...
00:10:03.000 Does anyone have a translator for that?
00:10:05.000 Yeah, she was really funny.
00:10:08.000 I actually enjoyed that.
00:10:09.000 I thought it was good, though.
00:10:10.000 I didn't watch it, but I heard her shit.
00:10:13.000 They were playing it on Opie and Anthony.
00:10:15.000 I was fucking howling.
00:10:16.000 What she said about Bruce Willis and Charlie Sheen being really similar, because they were both big in the 80s, and now they're having their old slots filled by Ashton Kutcher.
00:10:27.000 Seth MacFarlane.
00:10:28.000 That's good.
00:10:28.000 That's fucking hilarious!
00:10:30.000 Yeah.
00:10:31.000 That's a great joke.
00:10:32.000 It's really well-worded, too.
00:10:35.000 Yeah.
00:10:35.000 She's hilarious.
00:10:36.000 Oh my God, that girl's funny.
00:10:38.000 Seth MacFarlane was awesome on that, too.
00:10:41.000 I'll have to watch it.
00:10:42.000 I'll have to watch it.
00:10:43.000 Honestly, I don't enjoy roasts, for the most part.
00:10:46.000 I usually find them to be mean-spirited and fucking weird.
00:10:49.000 I've never wanted to do them.
00:10:51.000 I don't want to fucking shit on someone that hard right in front of them.
00:10:57.000 It's cute and everything.
00:10:58.000 It's fun to watch, but no thanks, man.
00:11:01.000 If everybody knows each other really well, too.
00:11:04.000 If you're all friends cussing each other's balls, but...
00:11:08.000 Sometimes it's not, though, man.
00:11:10.000 Did you ever watch the ones where they went after Pam Anderson?
00:11:13.000 I didn't.
00:11:15.000 I don't think I saw the Pamela Anderson one.
00:11:17.000 I haven't seen the Joan Rivers one, either.
00:11:19.000 Ruthless.
00:11:21.000 Ruthless.
00:11:22.000 It's ruthless shit, like you said.
00:11:24.000 Didn't somebody make her cry?
00:11:27.000 Very possibly.
00:11:28.000 I don't remember specifics, but I remember listening to it going, oh, I don't want to hear this.
00:11:33.000 What are you doing?
00:11:34.000 Are you voicing what...
00:11:37.000 The problem is it's funny.
00:11:39.000 That's the problem.
00:11:39.000 The problem is it's good stuff.
00:11:42.000 You're insulting the fuck out of someone and hurting their feelings for no reason.
00:11:46.000 But to me, it's kind of hilarious.
00:11:48.000 It's unfortunate that it is.
00:11:50.000 But when you're hearing her tee off on Mike Tyson, she was talking about Mike Tyson having a slut tattoo on his face that Mike and Ben don't know whether to punch him or to finish on him.
00:12:01.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:12:03.000 I fucked it up, I think, too.
00:12:05.000 But it's great stuff, but it's so mean.
00:12:09.000 You're like, whoa!
00:12:10.000 Anthony Jezelnik had a couple really good ones.
00:12:13.000 Yeah, he was good.
00:12:14.000 Towards Mike Tyson, he said, I'm paraphrasing, but the joke basically was...
00:12:21.000 Best way to describe Mike Tyson is the same name of a Richard Pryor album, meaning that nigger's crazy.
00:12:27.000 Yeah, that was awkward.
00:12:29.000 And then nobody really got it.
00:12:30.000 I got it and it was awkward.
00:12:32.000 Is he a black guy or a white guy?
00:12:34.000 And Jezelnik, he's a white guy.
00:12:36.000 Real clean cut guy, too.
00:12:38.000 Yeah, but he didn't say the name of the album.
00:12:41.000 Oh.
00:12:41.000 No, he didn't.
00:12:42.000 Oh, I thought you said as in, and that was the joke that he was going to spell it out to everybody.
00:12:46.000 No, he didn't spell it out.
00:12:47.000 He just left it as the same...
00:12:49.000 Oh, okay, because I was like, wow.
00:12:51.000 No, the same way, or whatever.
00:12:53.000 Yeah, the best way to describe him is the same name of a Richard Pryor album.
00:12:57.000 And then Patrice O'Neill, it doesn't go over very well.
00:12:59.000 Patrice was badass on that, by the way.
00:13:00.000 And Patrice says, he goes, there's too many...
00:13:04.000 Too many white people here, man.
00:13:05.000 They're not going to get that.
00:13:06.000 And Jeselnik goes, have you ever heard anybody say there are too few black people here?
00:13:13.000 Oh, that's hilarious.
00:13:14.000 Yeah, those roofs can get mean, man.
00:13:19.000 Yeah.
00:13:19.000 I don't know.
00:13:20.000 I haven't seen a ton of them.
00:13:21.000 I heard the Joan Rivers one is good.
00:13:23.000 I heard when she comes back, it's really funny.
00:13:25.000 Yeah.
00:13:26.000 Oh, she comes back at them?
00:13:27.000 Yeah.
00:13:28.000 Wow.
00:13:29.000 She's great.
00:13:30.000 That documentary was pretty good.
00:13:31.000 Did you see that documentary?
00:13:32.000 I have not seen it, but a lot of people recommended it.
00:13:35.000 What is it called again?
00:13:37.000 The Joan Rivers documentary?
00:13:39.000 I mean, if you Google that, it'll come up.
00:13:42.000 What the fuck is it called?
00:13:44.000 Gooseneck?
00:13:44.000 Is that what it is?
00:13:45.000 No.
00:13:46.000 Do you think she writes all her jokes, or do you think she has a whole staff?
00:13:49.000 She buys jokes from people, but she probably writes.
00:13:52.000 I mean, she's pretty quick on her feet.
00:13:53.000 A piece of work.
00:13:54.000 A piece of work, that's it.
00:13:55.000 It's really good, huh?
00:13:56.000 I knew it was some kind of euphemism on facelifts.
00:13:58.000 Yeah.
00:13:59.000 It kind of is.
00:14:01.000 Is it?
00:14:02.000 A lot of people...
00:14:03.000 It's totally worth...
00:14:04.000 Did you see her on Louis?
00:14:06.000 No, I didn't.
00:14:07.000 Do you guys watch Louis?
00:14:09.000 I didn't see her on Louis, though.
00:14:10.000 That was a funny one, too.
00:14:12.000 She's really funny.
00:14:13.000 It's a funny episode.
00:14:14.000 Season finale or something?
00:14:15.000 No, it was early in the season.
00:14:17.000 I gotta get into Louie.
00:14:18.000 I cut way back on my TV watching.
00:14:20.000 I cut way back to the point where I'm only watching documentary shit.
00:14:25.000 Yeah.
00:14:25.000 I just stopped.
00:14:26.000 I mean, occasionally I watch Ancient Aliens or something.
00:14:30.000 Yeah, I love that show, man.
00:14:31.000 I love that.
00:14:32.000 I DVR that.
00:14:33.000 Breaking Bad, Louie.
00:14:35.000 Breaking Bad is awesome.
00:14:36.000 Breaking Bad's the best.
00:14:37.000 But Patton Oswalt said it best.
00:14:39.000 He said, I feel like it's homework.
00:14:41.000 You know, when you get into a show, it's like it's homework.
00:14:44.000 It's like you've got to keep up with these fucking things.
00:14:45.000 But the DVR, man, that's what, like, it's a godsend.
00:14:48.000 You just fucking, you watch it at 2.30.
00:14:51.000 You hear about, like, Mad Men.
00:14:52.000 Everybody keeps telling me, dude, Mad Men is amazing.
00:14:54.000 I'm like, we're too late.
00:14:56.000 We missed it.
00:14:57.000 It's too crazy.
00:14:57.000 Unless we get a wicked flu, where you can tear through four seasons in a weekend.
00:15:02.000 I mean, we're four seasons behind.
00:15:04.000 That's 48 hours of television.
00:15:06.000 I didn't I miss Lost, though.
00:15:08.000 I can't stop.
00:15:08.000 I wish I could talk about Lost and theories.
00:15:11.000 Lost can go fuck itself.
00:15:13.000 Jack killed it for me.
00:15:15.000 He was sending it in by the end of the show.
00:15:17.000 He was like, oh, I guess they brought him back to life.
00:15:19.000 He was completely phoning it in towards the end of the show.
00:15:22.000 He killed it for me.
00:15:23.000 That was the doctor.
00:15:24.000 The doctor killed it for me.
00:15:26.000 I had to stop watching.
00:15:27.000 I had to stop watching.
00:15:28.000 I'm like, this guy's not really there.
00:15:29.000 He is not in the moment here.
00:15:31.000 I'm not believing that you just dunked a body in this fountain and then brought it in front of you.
00:15:34.000 You barely paid attention, dude.
00:15:36.000 Right.
00:15:37.000 I kind of fell off with Lost pretty quickly.
00:15:42.000 It was fun for a while.
00:15:43.000 But it can't fuck with Battlestar Galactica.
00:15:46.000 Battlestar Galactica was one of the best...
00:15:50.000 Unexpected, fun shows to follow.
00:15:52.000 That's a good goddamn show.
00:15:53.000 That was a really good fucking show.
00:15:55.000 If you want to sit down, I think they went a few seasons.
00:15:58.000 How many seasons did they go?
00:15:59.000 Four or five or something like that?
00:16:01.000 Either way, it's a badass fucking show.
00:16:04.000 That's a good show.
00:16:05.000 I watched the whole thing on DVD. Almost after the fact, then caught up right at the very last season.
00:16:11.000 You just have to be in the mood, I think.
00:16:12.000 It's like when you tear through a book or something.
00:16:15.000 Sometimes I'll have three books that I want to read and they just sit there and I'm like, I don't want to touch them yet.
00:16:21.000 But then when you do make the commitment, you just fly through it.
00:16:25.000 A lot of people are probably angry at me for what I said about Lost.
00:16:28.000 I used to love the show.
00:16:29.000 Don't get me wrong.
00:16:30.000 I used to love the show.
00:16:32.000 I loved the show, but it did bug me.
00:16:33.000 For real, it did bug me.
00:16:34.000 I think the ending kind of explained a lot of that.
00:16:38.000 Okay, I believe you.
00:16:39.000 But you know what?
00:16:40.000 I love the fact that I never watched the ending.
00:16:42.000 I like that because that means you didn't get me.
00:16:45.000 You didn't get me, bitch.
00:16:48.000 I snuck away clean.
00:16:49.000 I no longer feel your pull.
00:16:53.000 I'm free.
00:16:54.000 You're a dealer.
00:16:54.000 They're all dealers, bro.
00:16:55.000 All these people with TV shows.
00:16:57.000 Me included.
00:16:58.000 I'm guilty as well.
00:16:59.000 We're all dealers.
00:16:59.000 Get you hooked on some fucking crazy shit.
00:17:02.000 I love being hooked on Breaking Bad, man.
00:17:04.000 That's a great fucking show.
00:17:05.000 Yeah.
00:17:06.000 I don't want to be...
00:17:07.000 Spoiler alert.
00:17:08.000 Spoiler alert.
00:17:09.000 But when he had that dude locked up in the basement and he had that moral decision to make...
00:17:13.000 Did you watch that?
00:17:16.000 You know, he's had some altercations with gangbangers and stuff because he's a meth dealer.
00:17:22.000 Do you remember the one where he had the guy locked up in the basement and he had to figure out whether he should kill him or not?
00:17:27.000 This season?
00:17:28.000 I don't know.
00:17:29.000 It was last season.
00:17:30.000 Oh, last season.
00:17:30.000 I think it was last season.
00:17:32.000 Either way, it was like one of the most intense scenes I think I've ever seen in a made-for-television show.
00:17:42.000 It was like a movie.
00:17:43.000 It was a movie scene.
00:17:44.000 It was fucking intense, man.
00:17:46.000 Yeah.
00:17:46.000 That guy can act his fucking ass off.
00:17:48.000 They're great.
00:17:50.000 Everybody's great on it.
00:17:51.000 What is the lead guy's name?
00:17:52.000 Bryan Cranston?
00:17:53.000 Yeah.
00:17:54.000 And I really like Gus, man.
00:17:56.000 That guy's really...
00:17:58.000 I don't know how up on it you are, but the last few episodes, Gus is really...
00:18:02.000 Which one's Gus?
00:18:03.000 He's the head, the guy that owns the chicken shops.
00:18:07.000 The head...
00:18:09.000 The black dude with the glasses, the head drug dealer.
00:18:12.000 Oh, okay.
00:18:13.000 The guy that Walter and Jesse work for.
00:18:17.000 Is this the best time ever for fucking television?
00:18:20.000 I mean, it must be, right?
00:18:22.000 If you stop and think about some of the shows.
00:18:24.000 I mean, Mad Men people are really into, which I'm sure is good.
00:18:27.000 People are obsessed with Mad Men.
00:18:30.000 People are obsessed with...
00:18:32.000 But if you watch anything on NBC, like any of the new shows, they fucking all suck.
00:18:36.000 They scare me how bad it is.
00:18:38.000 They have laugh tracks again.
00:18:42.000 Laugh tracks are awesome.
00:18:44.000 I think if you use laugh tracks, you should have to not be good at it.
00:18:48.000 You should have to do it, but you can't let it fade off.
00:18:51.000 It has to be like this.
00:18:53.000 Here, if you're going to use a laugh track, just be like, ah, ha, ha, ha!
00:18:55.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:18:56.000 Stop.
00:18:56.000 Like, really obvious and fake.
00:18:58.000 People would probably start losing their minds.
00:19:00.000 Like, it would start driving people crazy at home.
00:19:02.000 This is a nutty idea, man.
00:19:04.000 The idea of a laugh track.
00:19:06.000 We're going to tell you that it's funny.
00:19:08.000 We're not even going to do it in front of a live audience.
00:19:10.000 We're going to insert some fucking...
00:19:12.000 This is where we want you to laugh, stupid.
00:19:15.000 Mm-hmm.
00:19:16.000 I think Tim Heidecker tweeted or...
00:19:20.000 He's got...
00:19:20.000 Somebody removed the laugh track from an episode of...
00:19:25.000 Big Bang Theory, I think?
00:19:26.000 Or How I Met Your Mother or something?
00:19:28.000 Him and Duncan were talking about it the other night, and I haven't seen it.
00:19:35.000 Well, in all fairness, a lot of those takes could have very easily have been second and third takes of a scene that you do in front of a live audience, and they just don't get a laugh.
00:19:46.000 I think he had somebody go in and just remove it.
00:19:49.000 Well, it could be.
00:19:50.000 But I'm saying, you know, sometimes you have to do a scene, you know, if you're doing like a live sitcom in front of an audience, like on news radio, we would fuck up or, you know, we would have to do something over again because they wanted to rewrite something.
00:20:01.000 And so we would do the same scene several times.
00:20:03.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:20:04.000 So it could very easily have been that.
00:20:06.000 Even if you don't hear the audience laughing, it could have been that.
00:20:09.000 Yeah.
00:20:09.000 We would film stuff after the fact, like there would be scenes that wouldn't work.
00:20:13.000 Pickups?
00:20:14.000 Yeah, and we would make totally new lines, and the producers would fake laugh on the side.
00:20:21.000 They would all stand there, and ha ha ha ha!
00:20:22.000 And all of the jokes, ha ha ha!
00:20:24.000 It was so alien, man.
00:20:26.000 It was so bizarre.
00:20:27.000 I'm surprised you weren't offered for Two and a Half Men, were you?
00:20:30.000 Well, no way, man.
00:20:31.000 Dude, I think you'd be awesome on that show.
00:20:32.000 I'm not famous enough for that.
00:20:33.000 I'm not famous enough for that.
00:20:34.000 How long were you on news radio?
00:20:37.000 Five years?
00:20:38.000 I think it would be awesome.
00:20:40.000 That's a different level of fame they're looking for.
00:20:43.000 They're looking for that Ashton Kutcher fame.
00:20:45.000 When did Ashton Kutcher not be the guy from Jackass?
00:20:48.000 Why is it so ridiculous?
00:20:49.000 Is this because he has a bunch of Twitter?
00:20:52.000 The guy from that 70s show.
00:20:54.000 Oh, Punk too.
00:20:56.000 I think his Twitter followers have gotten into everybody's heads that he's not the guy on the camera commercials.
00:21:01.000 Yeah.
00:21:02.000 Well, you know, listen, the kid is a fucking business genius.
00:21:06.000 He's got a lot of shit going on, man.
00:21:08.000 He's very smart and very ambitious.
00:21:09.000 I'm not saying he's not.
00:21:10.000 I'm just saying that's so ridiculous how, like, he's looked upon like a Brad Pitt or something.
00:21:15.000 Well, he's a handsome guy, man.
00:21:16.000 He's a gorgeous dude.
00:21:17.000 He's like six foot three, perfect bone structure.
00:21:21.000 You're going to kiss my life during the night.
00:21:21.000 Yeah.
00:21:23.000 No, for real.
00:21:24.000 I mean, girls love that guy.
00:21:26.000 There's a reason why they love him.
00:21:27.000 He's delicious.
00:21:29.000 Yeah, I mean, he seems to be pretty well liked across the board.
00:21:33.000 Now I get where I get it from.
00:21:35.000 I worked for him, actually.
00:21:37.000 I did a game show in my head, this show that was his production company produced.
00:21:43.000 I mean, I only got to meet him once very briefly, but he was a nice guy.
00:21:46.000 It seems like he's got his game together.
00:21:48.000 Let him do this crazy show.
00:21:50.000 Who cares?
00:21:50.000 Game show in my head?
00:21:52.000 He was pretty good in the show, though.
00:21:54.000 I never watched Two and a Half Men in the first place.
00:21:56.000 Did you watch the new one?
00:21:58.000 The new episode, yes.
00:21:59.000 With him?
00:22:00.000 It was very dark.
00:22:01.000 Very, like, whoa.
00:22:02.000 They took a weird approach where they're making fun of his dead body.
00:22:05.000 I kind of want to see it.
00:22:06.000 I was going to say, I never watched it before, but I want to watch it because of the controversy.
00:22:11.000 I watched one episode once and I thought it was kind of lame.
00:22:15.000 No, I didn't think it was kind of lame.
00:22:16.000 I thought it was terrible.
00:22:17.000 I don't remember what was going on, but I remember, like, what is this?
00:22:21.000 When you see something, it's just like alien.
00:22:23.000 It's so not funny that it just torques your insides.
00:22:27.000 Like, what?
00:22:28.000 Yeah.
00:22:28.000 And it was like that.
00:22:29.000 So I never watched it again.
00:22:30.000 But that happens on any sitcom.
00:22:32.000 There's a lot of weird sitcoms out there.
00:22:33.000 I watched a couple recently, and yeah, they were baffling.
00:22:40.000 I don't want to say their names.
00:22:42.000 It's hard to do a sitcom right, man.
00:22:45.000 I watch most of them, really.
00:22:47.000 A lot of people get involved in the mix.
00:22:49.000 Yeah.
00:22:49.000 It's only when someone has awesome control over things, like when one person's artistic vision can truly shine through, like the South Park situation.
00:22:58.000 Yeah.
00:22:58.000 Those guys are so awesome that no one fucks with them, so they just do their shit, which is why their show is so fucking brilliant.
00:23:07.000 It's like there's no more clear point of reference.
00:23:12.000 If you're thinking about one prime example of a show where you can tell the artistic minds behind it don't have any influence by anybody else, it's South Park, right?
00:23:22.000 It's because it's such a money juggernaut.
00:23:24.000 Well, Louis, too.
00:23:25.000 He has that free love.
00:23:26.000 Yeah, I would say he's right there.
00:23:28.000 I wish Louis was longer.
00:23:30.000 I wish they would pay him five times more and just have our episode.
00:23:34.000 Dude, he does everything himself.
00:23:35.000 Yeah, but when you watch that show, it's so short.
00:23:38.000 You really start getting into it, and then it just drops out.
00:23:41.000 Because it's only 22 minutes long.
00:23:42.000 Dude, think about doing everything yourself and doing it on a laptop.
00:23:45.000 That's what he does.
00:23:47.000 Yeah.
00:23:47.000 He does it all.
00:23:48.000 He edits it on a fucking 13-inch MacBook Pro.
00:23:50.000 Unless he's trolling everybody.
00:23:53.000 Maybe he's trying to play the fucking super hard worker dude, but really he's got a whole crew.
00:23:59.000 If you look at the credits, it changes.
00:24:01.000 Mexicans with fucking stolen laptops.
00:24:04.000 If you look at the credits, it changes.
00:24:05.000 It goes from edited by Louis C.K., and then sometimes it's not edited by Louis C.K. Oh, really?
00:24:08.000 Oh, so he has other people work with him?
00:24:10.000 Yeah.
00:24:10.000 Well, yeah, it's good that he can trust people enough with his baby like that.
00:24:13.000 I talked to him after he did his first show.
00:24:17.000 And Louis C.K., everybody knows, if you don't know, stand-up-wise, is one of the best comics alive.
00:24:23.000 He's like the elite of the elite.
00:24:25.000 He's just a great comic.
00:24:27.000 But his HBO show just didn't click.
00:24:32.000 Some people liked it.
00:24:33.000 Lucky Louie.
00:24:34.000 Some people liked it.
00:24:35.000 There was something off about it.
00:24:37.000 There was something that was too ham-handed.
00:24:40.000 And I talked to him about it, and I said, if you could do it all over again, what would you do differently?
00:24:44.000 He's like, I would fire everybody.
00:24:46.000 He goes, I'd fire all the writers.
00:24:48.000 And he goes, I'm sorry.
00:24:49.000 You're my friend.
00:24:50.000 I love you, but I need someone else to do this.
00:24:52.000 I got one shot at this.
00:24:54.000 I got one shot at this to do this right.
00:24:56.000 Wow.
00:24:56.000 And so you know what he did?
00:24:57.000 He did.
00:24:58.000 He fired everybody.
00:24:58.000 Now he's doing it all of himself.
00:25:01.000 You know?
00:25:01.000 Yeah.
00:25:02.000 That's amazing.
00:25:02.000 It's so weird how his show doesn't follow any kind of guideline.
00:25:06.000 Like one day his daughter is somebody else.
00:25:09.000 And his girlfriend is somebody else.
00:25:11.000 Really?
00:25:11.000 Yeah.
00:25:12.000 That's awesome.
00:25:13.000 His daughters are pretty consistent.
00:25:15.000 I think it's the same kids.
00:25:16.000 Not all the time.
00:25:17.000 It changes.
00:25:18.000 There was like a totally different girl there the other day.
00:25:20.000 And I'm like, who's this girl?
00:25:21.000 Are you sure?
00:25:22.000 Really?
00:25:22.000 Are you sure?
00:25:23.000 I don't know about that, man.
00:25:24.000 I'm almost...
00:25:25.000 I'd probably say 99% sure.
00:25:27.000 Really?
00:25:28.000 I would think that that...
00:25:28.000 I don't know about that.
00:25:29.000 If I was Louis, if I could work out a deal with a daughter, I would think that he would work out a deal with a daughter.
00:25:35.000 Yeah, because they have a handful of episodes that revolve around the daughters.
00:25:39.000 Yeah.
00:25:39.000 I think that would take me out of the show a little bit.
00:25:44.000 If the daughters kept changing, that would fuck with my head.
00:25:47.000 I'll have to review the tape.
00:25:49.000 It kind of freaks me out.
00:25:50.000 I'm a huge fan of that show.
00:25:52.000 I'm pretty sure, unless I was just dreaming the whole thing while Joe Rogan was kissing some guy.
00:25:56.000 Hey, fella.
00:25:57.000 Google it.
00:25:58.000 Don't keep bringing me into your fucked up world, dude.
00:26:01.000 I want out.
00:26:02.000 I want out for good.
00:26:04.000 The other guy was delicious.
00:26:06.000 You need to take less of those alpha brains, son.
00:26:09.000 Oh yeah, I'm excited about taking those.
00:26:11.000 I'll give you some.
00:26:12.000 So they're back in stock, right?
00:26:13.000 Everything's good to go?
00:26:14.000 Yeah, back in stock.
00:26:16.000 There's a coupon card on your website, by the way, on the banner.
00:26:19.000 Yeah, there's a banner on my website.
00:26:21.000 If you go to JoeRogan.net and click on it, enter in the code name Rogan, you can get 10% off your alpha brain.
00:26:27.000 It's juicy.
00:26:27.000 It's becoming an alpha brain commercial.
00:26:29.000 I think we better stop before it gets gross.
00:26:30.000 I know.
00:26:31.000 I'm excited about it.
00:26:32.000 It's interesting stuff, but people, you know, people, no.
00:26:35.000 I'm just kidding.
00:26:36.000 It's fucking vitamins, bro.
00:26:38.000 Vitamins for your dome, son.
00:26:39.000 There's a little thing on the page, too.
00:26:42.000 There's a new medical editor who wrote some editorial with references as to why this stuff works.
00:26:49.000 Is his name Joey Coco Diaz?
00:26:51.000 Yeah.
00:26:52.000 Dr. Joey.
00:26:54.000 Listen, cocksucker.
00:26:56.000 I made this shit myself.
00:26:58.000 My special blend.
00:27:00.000 So, I was over-listening to a gay guy the other day at the comedy store.
00:27:05.000 What?
00:27:05.000 You were over-listening to a gay guy?
00:27:06.000 Over-listening.
00:27:07.000 Over-hearing?
00:27:08.000 Like, I was paying too much attention.
00:27:10.000 And he was going off on one of these, like, how everybody's gay.
00:27:13.000 Like, we were looking at the billboard, which was that guy from CNN that just moved to, like, Fox.
00:27:17.000 Anderson Cooper?
00:27:18.000 Yeah, and he was just like...
00:27:19.000 I can't believe he hasn't come out yet.
00:27:21.000 He's super gay.
00:27:22.000 I know a lot of people that say he's super gay.
00:27:24.000 I thought it was pretty much common knowledge.
00:27:26.000 Oh, I see.
00:27:27.000 I had no idea.
00:27:27.000 It's like fucking...
00:27:28.000 Oh, so you're trying to out him.
00:27:29.000 Look at you.
00:27:31.000 But here's the weird thing.
00:27:32.000 He was saying how the new president of Apple is gay.
00:27:37.000 What?
00:27:37.000 So now I'm just wondering if it's going to be...
00:27:39.000 So now Max really will be gay?
00:27:41.000 Yeah, we're going back to shiny white.
00:27:43.000 Because people are always like, Max are gay.
00:27:46.000 Who says that?
00:27:47.000 I would tell people...
00:27:47.000 Oh, online?
00:27:48.000 Online, man.
00:27:50.000 Yeah, those are the best kissers.
00:27:53.000 Online, on message boards and shit, Macs are always treated as pretentious slobs who can't work real computers.
00:28:00.000 Like the vast majority of people, it seems like there's a camp.
00:28:04.000 There's a PC camp and there's a Mac camp.
00:28:06.000 And one of the things that people always say is, Macs are gay.
00:28:09.000 But now Macs really are gay.
00:28:12.000 I wonder what gay things are going to happen to our Macs.
00:28:15.000 They're the best.
00:28:16.000 You're embarrassed?
00:28:18.000 I have a PC, because I feel like people with Macs just really look down their nose at people with PCs.
00:28:24.000 And I know it's not cool to have one, but you know what, man?
00:28:27.000 I don't fucking edit music or videos, really.
00:28:31.000 I can get a brand new fucking kick-ass PC for five fucking bucks.
00:28:36.000 If you were given a Mac...
00:28:37.000 Yeah.
00:28:38.000 You would use that Mac and you would never go back.
00:28:40.000 The same way if you get an iPhone, you might be the biggest shit talker ever saying droids are the best and everything.
00:28:46.000 Every person I know that used to be that person got an iPhone.
00:28:50.000 Listen silly, you're just like all those crazy Windows people.
00:28:53.000 You're just like all those crazy Windows people.
00:28:56.000 Here's the real argument.
00:28:58.000 I don't care that much about stuff.
00:29:00.000 It's crazy that we would even think about it.
00:29:02.000 It's a weird thing that people have this amazing desire to be on Teams.
00:29:07.000 I'm sorry.
00:29:08.000 It's crazy.
00:29:09.000 Windows 7 can eat a dick is what I'm saying.
00:29:10.000 My phone's fucking amazing.
00:29:11.000 Windows 8 is in the house, bitches, and the startup time's quicker than ever.
00:29:16.000 I was watching something online where they were showing how quick the startup time is of Windows 8. And from the time you press the button, 8 seconds!
00:29:25.000 And Windows 8 starts up and it's like really quick.
00:29:28.000 So what?
00:29:29.000 When it runs, it sucks.
00:29:33.000 Who's freaking out about how long it takes your computer to start?
00:29:37.000 Isn't it on most of the time?
00:29:39.000 99.9% of the time my computer's on.
00:29:41.000 Even my computer's a piece of shit and it starts up fast enough for like...
00:29:47.000 Do you get viruses?
00:29:49.000 No.
00:29:50.000 Never?
00:29:51.000 Not that I know of.
00:29:51.000 You don't go to dirty, dirty, dirty sites, and then all of a sudden, every time you try to open your browser, a fucking pop-up pops up?
00:29:58.000 No.
00:29:58.000 I told you what happened with my girl's laptop.
00:30:00.000 She had this thing called malware or something like that.
00:30:03.000 Malware?
00:30:03.000 Malware.
00:30:04.000 I don't even know what it is, because I've been off- I don't know.
00:30:06.000 I've heard about it.
00:30:07.000 Malware.
00:30:08.000 All you're thinking about is just gay shit all day.
00:30:12.000 It was so bad that Norton couldn't do anything.
00:30:17.000 Jim Norton couldn't do anything about it.
00:30:21.000 It got so bad that there was nothing you could do.
00:30:24.000 I started to do registry edits and try to do safe mode things just to get this thing off.
00:30:30.000 It was like It was sending information.
00:30:32.000 It was reading passwords.
00:30:35.000 It tricked itself as a Windows virus protection.
00:30:41.000 So on top of it, it was like saying, here's the way to get this off your computer.
00:30:45.000 Click here to buy this virus scanning software.
00:30:48.000 And so then now you're giving your credit card information and sending your shit just to get some fucking thing to unlock on your computer to get your computer back.
00:30:55.000 Whoa!
00:30:56.000 So I had to fucking, like, I even, I followed all these instructions.
00:30:59.000 I finally pretty much just had to wipe the whole thing.
00:31:01.000 And it was so common, I found out.
00:31:04.000 Like, this is a normal thing that a lot of people get.
00:31:06.000 This is not like some crazy virus you got out of nowhere.
00:31:09.000 Holy shit.
00:31:10.000 What is it called?
00:31:13.000 Uh...
00:31:13.000 Something...
00:31:13.000 Antivirus...
00:31:15.000 Uh...
00:31:16.000 I read something...
00:31:18.000 I read something insane.
00:31:20.000 Like, the number of...
00:31:21.000 What are the number of computer viruses out there?
00:31:25.000 What would you say it is?
00:31:27.000 Oh, there's a ton of them.
00:31:28.000 I don't know.
00:31:29.000 It's 480,000?
00:31:30.000 It's probably millions, I would say.
00:31:32.000 I'd probably say it's in the millions.
00:31:34.000 Millions?
00:31:35.000 Millions.
00:31:37.000 I'm trying to find it because it's so ridiculous.
00:31:42.000 But Apple's sucking a dick lately, so I might be going back to PC. I just got that Final Cut Pro, and I had to pretty much relearn everything, and now I feel dumb because it's so...
00:31:50.000 Yeah, but that's just one program, though.
00:31:54.000 Well, that's one of their main programs.
00:31:56.000 They pretty much decided to take their main program.
00:31:58.000 Well, why would you be mad at all of Apple because of one goofy ass program?
00:32:02.000 Well, I mean, if that's the direction they're going where they're like making everything more, I don't know, like friendly or easy looking or, you know, simple cut and paste.
00:32:14.000 The old Final Cut Pro is pretty much you can do anything you want.
00:32:19.000 You have to do backward steps and do all this extra bullshit just because it looks pretty.
00:32:24.000 Listen to how crazy this answer is to how many computer viruses there are.
00:32:28.000 It's not exactly known, but most likely in the millions.
00:32:33.000 The real problem is that new ones pop up every day.
00:32:38.000 Yeah, I guess so.
00:32:40.000 Millions?
00:32:42.000 Millions?
00:32:43.000 Oh, that are out there right now?
00:32:46.000 Stealing your personal information.
00:32:48.000 That exist.
00:32:51.000 Yeah, I don't know, man.
00:32:51.000 Is that possible?
00:32:53.000 Somebody might just be talking shit.
00:32:54.000 I need to get verification.
00:32:56.000 Millions?
00:32:57.000 You've got to think, how many people does it take to make one computer virus?
00:33:01.000 Is it just one dude alone just gets crazy and makes this on his own?
00:33:05.000 Or is there other people involved?
00:33:06.000 How many people are making these things?
00:33:08.000 Well, I think what it is, though, is a lot of these viruses are just all variations.
00:33:11.000 So you'll have one virus and somebody will change something small in it, like the ports or whatever, and that's called something else.
00:33:17.000 I don't think it's all new virus.
00:33:19.000 What do people get out of it?
00:33:20.000 Just like mischief, fucking with people?
00:33:22.000 Well, apparently there's personal information.
00:33:25.000 So that's all their goals, is to steal your information?
00:33:28.000 Yeah, they're trying to get your credit card information.
00:33:30.000 A lot of people have all that stuff stored on their computers.
00:33:34.000 You have the e-wallet set up so that you have all your credit card information.
00:33:40.000 So if you want to buy something, you can just use that.
00:33:42.000 Oh yeah, I don't do that.
00:33:44.000 A lot of people do that.
00:33:44.000 I just, I memorize, I know my credit card number.
00:33:47.000 Is it Google Wallet?
00:33:48.000 Is that a new thing?
00:33:49.000 I think they've had it for a while, but I've never used Google Wallet.
00:33:52.000 Who the fuck in their right mind is going to use Google Wallet?
00:33:55.000 What an amazing name to call it.
00:33:56.000 I won't even give them my phone, they keep trying to get for my Gmail a phone number, and I'm like, what the What the fuck do you need my phone number for?
00:34:02.000 Fuck you, dude.
00:34:03.000 Dude, yeah.
00:34:04.000 I get email from you.
00:34:05.000 You could recover it in case someone steals your passwords.
00:34:07.000 No, if I forget my password, I'm an idiot.
00:34:10.000 Yeah, what's up?
00:34:10.000 We just need your number real quick.
00:34:11.000 You already have a secondary email address.
00:34:13.000 Can I get your number?
00:34:13.000 Can I get your number?
00:34:14.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:34:15.000 Where are you going?
00:34:15.000 Joe, have you ran out of Gmail space yet?
00:34:19.000 No, I have not.
00:34:20.000 I'm at 96%.
00:34:21.000 You're a fucking freak, that's why.
00:34:23.000 Stop sending pictures of your dick all around town.
00:34:26.000 I know, but what happened?
00:34:26.000 Jesus Christ, kid.
00:34:28.000 Why can't I do that?
00:34:30.000 Do you do that?
00:34:31.000 All around town, his dick.
00:34:32.000 It's like Banksy.
00:34:34.000 His cock is like Banksy.
00:34:36.000 Cranksy.
00:34:36.000 It's all around town.
00:34:37.000 Did I tell you how I have a fake picture of my dick?
00:34:40.000 A fake one?
00:34:40.000 That looks exactly like my bedroom window.
00:34:43.000 So lately, did I say this?
00:34:44.000 I've been sending it out to random people.
00:34:46.000 Like, hey, why don't you come over?
00:34:48.000 And I'll just send it.
00:34:49.000 And it looks like it would be me laying in my bedroom.
00:34:52.000 And I'll send it to little Esther.
00:34:55.000 And she was like, oh my god, what the fuck?
00:34:57.000 LOL. And she goes, ew.
00:35:00.000 But then I send it to somebody else and goes, alright, that was uncalled for.
00:35:03.000 Yeah, dude.
00:35:04.000 People don't want you sending hard dicks to them.
00:35:06.000 Is it your dick?
00:35:06.000 It's not my dick.
00:35:07.000 It looks like my bedroom, and it could be my dick, but the dick has this weird black helmet on it, and it looks ridiculous if you really think that's my dick.
00:35:16.000 What is it really, though?
00:35:18.000 It's just a picture I found on Google.
00:35:20.000 Oh, oh.
00:35:20.000 Why are you sending people pictures?
00:35:22.000 Oh, so it's a real dick, but you just put your head on the body or something?
00:35:27.000 No, it just looks like somebody laying in what looks exactly like my bedroom.
00:35:31.000 Okay, I get it.
00:35:32.000 But there's an actual dick there, man.
00:35:34.000 It's fucking his dick.
00:35:35.000 It is.
00:35:35.000 This is a big cover story.
00:35:37.000 That's why it's so lame.
00:35:39.000 He's planned this out.
00:35:40.000 He's got to get through it.
00:35:41.000 He's got to get through this cover story.
00:35:42.000 He's got the same grape juice stain on my fucking bedroom carpet.
00:35:45.000 I want you to look at his cock.
00:35:47.000 It's a trick.
00:35:48.000 I'll send it to you.
00:35:50.000 Tell me how you would react if you saw this.
00:35:52.000 And then you look at it.
00:35:52.000 And he made you look at his dick.
00:35:55.000 It's a trick.
00:35:55.000 It's trickery.
00:35:56.000 It's goddamn trickery.
00:35:57.000 You're a weird pervert.
00:35:57.000 How could you be shocked at all that anybody would freak out that you just send them pictures of dicks?
00:36:03.000 Because I would send it to, like, ex-girlfriends.
00:36:05.000 Yeah, we do.
00:36:06.000 They're ex-girlfriends.
00:36:07.000 They don't want that shit in their life no more.
00:36:08.000 I know, but that's what you hear.
00:36:11.000 Plus, they could recognize your dick.
00:36:12.000 Or I'll send it to other comic girls.
00:36:13.000 If it looks deformed.
00:36:14.000 Do you think they would, though, if you hadn't?
00:36:17.000 Like, if you hadn't banged her in six, eight months, say, and she started dating someone else, do you think she would remember your, like, be able to identify your dick?
00:36:27.000 Depends on what kind of a show your dick puts on.
00:36:30.000 I guess.
00:36:31.000 Does it have a boner or is it flaccid?
00:36:34.000 It's just a pretty big head and, like, thick.
00:36:37.000 It's a big, thick, juicy dick.
00:36:40.000 Let's call a three-quarter hard-on from now on the Brett Favre.
00:36:46.000 Let's call it that.
00:36:47.000 Is he retired or is he playing again?
00:36:49.000 I think he's going to play with Michael Vick, right?
00:36:51.000 Isn't that the story?
00:36:52.000 What, he's going to go on the Eagles?
00:36:54.000 I think that's what I'd heard.
00:36:55.000 I know nothing about football, though.
00:36:57.000 I might have heard that from Joey Diaz.
00:36:59.000 They're going to get that cocksucker and he's going to show them how to play fucking football.
00:37:05.000 How was the New Orleans show?
00:37:05.000 That Michael Vick's going to make them billions, dog.
00:37:08.000 Billions!
00:37:09.000 So New Orleans was awesome.
00:37:10.000 New Orleans, you should have to have a passport to go to that fucking place, man.
00:37:14.000 Oh, yeah.
00:37:14.000 That's another country.
00:37:16.000 New Orleans is another country.
00:37:18.000 That's a wild-ass place.
00:37:20.000 I have never been in a city that has such a unique personality as New Orleans.
00:37:26.000 It's like the whole city is small and it's cranked up to nine.
00:37:30.000 Yeah.
00:37:31.000 Like, everything's cranked up.
00:37:32.000 People are friendly as fuck.
00:37:34.000 Everyone's drunk as shit.
00:37:36.000 It's like, you feel fucked up if you're not drunk.
00:37:39.000 You know, Duncan and I were doing shots with dinner.
00:37:42.000 We never have shots with dinner.
00:37:45.000 We got there and I said, I feel like having some fucking whiskey.
00:37:47.000 He goes, it's New Orleans, man.
00:37:49.000 It tells it to you.
00:37:50.000 We're fucking doing shots while we're eating crab cakes.
00:37:53.000 We went out and we had a show at the House of Blues.
00:37:57.000 It was fucking awesome, man.
00:37:59.000 There was the energy in the room.
00:38:01.000 It was just...
00:38:02.000 It was fun.
00:38:04.000 What was the hot chick level for New Orleans?
00:38:06.000 They're beautiful.
00:38:07.000 A lot of beautiful girls.
00:38:08.000 There was a burlesque show on after us.
00:38:10.000 We stayed and watched a burlesque show, which is very...
00:38:12.000 It's very strange.
00:38:14.000 Everybody dresses up like they're from a different time period, and they kind of dance around.
00:38:19.000 Some of it, although beautiful, is quite aimless.
00:38:23.000 There's just a lot of dancing around.
00:38:24.000 I guess you're just celebrating how she's dressed and dancing around.
00:38:28.000 It was kind of fun, because everybody was drunk and getting into it.
00:38:32.000 And so many drunks and so many fucking happy people.
00:38:36.000 Like, I didn't see a single angry drunk.
00:38:38.000 It was weird.
00:38:40.000 It was like there were so many people drunk.
00:38:43.000 Here's one of the things that our driver was the coolest fucking guy, this dude Jeff.
00:38:47.000 and Jeff took us around and Jeff was talking to us about how he could only live in New Orleans because he had lived outside of New Orleans only for a little bit and he got in trouble with a cop because he's talking to the cop about something and he was drinking a beer on the street.
00:39:02.000 The cop was asking him where he's coming from and he didn't know that you're not allowed to drink beer on the street.
00:39:06.000 Because in New Orleans, you can drink beer anywhere.
00:39:09.000 You can just drink beer on the street.
00:39:10.000 So while he's talking to the cop, he said he opened up a second beer and started drinking that.
00:39:15.000 And the cop was like, are you stupid?
00:39:17.000 Is there something fucking wrong with you?
00:39:18.000 He goes, where are you from?
00:39:19.000 And he goes, New Orleans.
00:39:20.000 He's like, all right, you can't do that anywhere but there.
00:39:23.000 Right.
00:39:23.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:39:24.000 And he was like, well, fuck this.
00:39:26.000 And he moved back.
00:39:27.000 Dude, New Orleans is the shit, man.
00:39:30.000 And we were in Metairie, too.
00:39:33.000 Me and Goldberg and De La Grate Karate went and had dinner out there in Duncan.
00:39:40.000 And it was fucking...
00:39:42.000 What a great town, man.
00:39:43.000 People are so fucking friendly.
00:39:45.000 They're all in this honky-tonk slash sports bar on a Friday night.
00:39:49.000 We're eating cheeseburgers with these people.
00:39:50.000 And they're like...
00:39:51.000 Their local haunt, or Saturday night, where they hang.
00:39:53.000 It was badass, man.
00:39:55.000 Just people you met there that night?
00:39:56.000 Friendly as fuck, man.
00:39:58.000 Friendly as fuck.
00:39:59.000 What a great vibe that town has.
00:40:01.000 Just a happy, happy vibe.
00:40:03.000 Did you see any of the ghost towns?
00:40:05.000 I didn't have much time, dude.
00:40:06.000 I had very little time.
00:40:07.000 That's the problem with, I fly in somewhere, it's like, boom.
00:40:11.000 First thing, I gotta go do the weigh-ins, and then my comedy show, and then in the morning, I get up, I work out, I do the UFC. There's no time.
00:40:18.000 Really, for too much sightseeing, unfortunately.
00:40:20.000 It's the greatest job in the world, but there's no time for a lot of shit.
00:40:24.000 But we did get to go down the French Quarter.
00:40:25.000 We walked around Bourbon Street, and like, this is crazy.
00:40:29.000 How is this legal?
00:40:31.000 This is the weirdest thing I've ever seen in my life.
00:40:33.000 It's beautiful, first of all.
00:40:34.000 It's a fucking thing.
00:40:35.000 It's really a national treasure.
00:40:38.000 The fact that a place like this exists in this uptight, stuck-up, fucking scared country we live in now.
00:40:46.000 That you can go to a place and it's strip club, bar, food, strip club, bar, food.
00:40:56.000 This is the recipe.
00:40:58.000 Yeah, chickens, voodoo, all up this street.
00:41:01.000 And it's just a swarm, like salmon spawning, of humanity with cups in their hands.
00:41:09.000 And everybody is fucking blasted.
00:41:12.000 And we're just wandering through the streets, checking out the scene.
00:41:15.000 And the bars don't close.
00:41:17.000 They don't close.
00:41:19.000 Get the fuck out of here.
00:41:20.000 No one's closing.
00:41:21.000 There's no closing.
00:41:22.000 This shit just stays open.
00:41:23.000 They're just open.
00:41:24.000 They're just open, man.
00:41:25.000 That's tough, though.
00:41:26.000 I did a show with Stan Hope there a few years ago, and...
00:41:30.000 I don't think our show got started until like 11.30 or something.
00:41:34.000 So by the time we got out of there, it was probably about 2. And we're like, well, let's go get a drink at a bar.
00:41:40.000 And we go to this bar and there's people from the show hanging out.
00:41:43.000 And I'm like playing pool with a guy and we're getting pretty drunk.
00:41:46.000 And I was like, what time is it?
00:41:48.000 And I look at my fucking phone and it's like 7 in the morning.
00:41:53.000 And I'm like, Doug, it's like 7 in the morning.
00:41:56.000 We had to leave at like 9.30.
00:41:58.000 What do you need?
00:41:59.000 What's the cream?
00:42:00.000 What's the cream, bro?
00:42:01.000 Oh, I can make some for you.
00:42:02.000 Do you have the cream?
00:42:05.000 No.
00:42:06.000 You poured it for me, remember?
00:42:07.000 Is it in the fridge?
00:42:08.000 I must have put it away.
00:42:11.000 Did we even finish the story of what you did, too?
00:42:14.000 So we're like...
00:42:15.000 No!
00:42:16.000 This is one of the most funniest things ever.
00:42:19.000 The most funniest.
00:42:20.000 This man's almost 37. Are you 37 yet?
00:42:23.000 Look, I got internet talk in my head.
00:42:26.000 I don't talk in full sentences anymore.
00:42:28.000 I like cheeseburgers and shit.
00:42:29.000 It's more gooder.
00:42:30.000 More gooder.
00:42:32.000 But you pretty much on...
00:42:35.000 I love the...
00:42:36.000 You have all this big thing with practical jokes.
00:42:38.000 Like, you did this thing where you print it out.
00:42:40.000 I think we talked last time where you print it out on a Top Chef.
00:42:43.000 The Top Chef billboard.
00:42:43.000 And put it on the billboard.
00:42:45.000 This little thing of him pouring stew.
00:42:47.000 And he put it on...
00:42:48.000 And then this time you...
00:42:52.000 The last...
00:42:53.000 There's...
00:42:53.000 In my neighborhood, there's a vacant circuit city that's been there.
00:42:57.000 It's been vacant for almost three years.
00:42:59.000 And I was talking with a friend of mine about...
00:43:02.000 How there's no Whole Foods in our neighborhood.
00:43:04.000 And Silver Lake's a pretty hipster.
00:43:07.000 Like, it would be a perfect place for a Whole Foods.
00:43:09.000 And he was like, yeah, that would be a good location.
00:43:11.000 And I was like, yeah, it would.
00:43:13.000 So I made these banners that said, coming soon, Whole Foods, Silver Lake.
00:43:21.000 And I'll show you.
00:43:22.000 I have pictures of them.
00:43:24.000 And I hung them on the fence around the Circuit City.
00:43:26.000 So everybody thought that...
00:43:28.000 So all these hipsters were going to have a Whole Foods in their neighborhood, and it blew the fuck up on Twitter.
00:43:36.000 It was on websites like Los Angeles Weekly and shit like that.
00:43:40.000 Everyone thought Whole Foods was coming.
00:43:42.000 It was a huge deal.
00:43:44.000 Oh, that's beautiful.
00:43:45.000 People just got really excited.
00:43:46.000 And then...
00:43:47.000 Well, you know, you should talk to Whole Foods and say, listen, the demand is here.
00:43:51.000 Oh, I'm sure they've talked to them already.
00:43:53.000 I mean, that place has been vacant for three years.
00:43:56.000 Maybe it's too much money to convert it to a supermarket.
00:43:58.000 Something, I don't know.
00:43:58.000 Maybe it's too expensive.
00:43:59.000 Have you always been a practical joker?
00:44:01.000 Have you done that your whole life?
00:44:02.000 Do you have any biggest joke you ever did or favorite one that you've ever done?
00:44:11.000 There's one that you can actually hear.
00:44:13.000 They played it on another podcast.
00:44:17.000 Everything...
00:44:18.000 I know.
00:44:20.000 There's nothing wrong with that, man.
00:44:22.000 You have great stories.
00:44:24.000 I played the...
00:44:26.000 I had this card where you can...
00:44:27.000 It's funny, though, you have to say that, though.
00:44:28.000 You do kind of have to say it.
00:44:29.000 Well, yeah, I don't want people to, like, if they only hurt me twice, be like, this guy tells the same fucking story.
00:44:34.000 Yeah, but we're assuming that they're listening to all these different podcasts.
00:44:37.000 Yeah, I don't know.
00:44:38.000 I don't think people have enough time to listen to all these different podcasts.
00:44:41.000 I think we're...
00:44:42.000 Deluding ourselves.
00:44:44.000 Maybe.
00:44:44.000 I don't know.
00:44:45.000 Yeah, if you're on radio, you wouldn't be like, yeah, well, I said this on Mark and Brian like two months ago.
00:44:49.000 You know, no one is...
00:44:49.000 Yeah.
00:44:50.000 I might.
00:44:51.000 Depends.
00:44:52.000 I don't want to sound like I'm...
00:44:53.000 All right, so what happens?
00:44:54.000 Well, you can hear it online.
00:44:56.000 I called my...
00:44:57.000 I had this card.
00:44:58.000 It's called a spoof card where you can call someone and make it look like it's coming from any number in the world.
00:45:04.000 Like, I could call you and make it look like it's coming from the White House.
00:45:07.000 And...
00:45:08.000 So I called my friend from his wife's number, his newly ex-wife's number, and I would make jokes about wanting to bang his wife all the time and stuff.
00:45:17.000 So I call him in the middle of the night, and I think I was telling him that I was going to go out on a date with her, and I wouldn't really tip my hat on whether I was joking or not.
00:45:29.000 So I call him in the middle of the night from what looks like his wife's number, and I use a voice disguiser to kind of sound like a girl.
00:45:37.000 And basically, I tell him that it's his wife.
00:45:41.000 I'm like, John.
00:45:42.000 And of course, he thinks it's her.
00:45:43.000 You know, he just got woken up at four in the morning.
00:45:45.000 And I say, you know, I went over to your friend Brendan's tonight.
00:45:50.000 Oh, no.
00:45:51.000 It's fucked up, man.
00:45:53.000 And I'm like, I think he raped me.
00:45:56.000 And he's like, wait, what?
00:45:57.000 What the fuck?
00:46:01.000 That is fucking badass.
00:46:03.000 It blows his mind.
00:46:04.000 But it all ends in laughs.
00:46:07.000 Because then he goes, where are you right now?
00:46:09.000 And I go, I'm in the hospital.
00:46:11.000 And then there's like a pause and I say, there's jizz all over me.
00:46:17.000 And then he goes, fucking Brendan, I knew it was you.
00:46:20.000 That fucking card.
00:46:21.000 I can't believe you're wasting your card on me.
00:46:25.000 How does that card work?
00:46:26.000 Is that shit legal?
00:46:27.000 You just, you call an 800, like there's an 800 number that you call on the card.
00:46:31.000 This is legal?
00:46:32.000 Yeah, I think there's probably an app for it.
00:46:34.000 Yeah, there's actually, it's a lot of people use it.
00:46:36.000 Lindsay Lohan was known to always use that for whatever reasons.
00:46:40.000 It's like when you use a calling card, like an old school calling card where you call an 800 number and put in your code.
00:46:46.000 But instead of a code, you put in whatever phone number you want, and then you put in, you hit like pound and it calls.
00:46:53.000 Wow.
00:46:54.000 Making it look like it comes from that number.
00:46:55.000 That's incredible.
00:46:56.000 And it'll even say, well, yeah, obviously, if it's Red Band, if you put in his number, his picture comes up on your phone or however it rings when he calls.
00:47:04.000 That's crazy, man.
00:47:04.000 How is that legal?
00:47:06.000 I don't know.
00:47:07.000 Somebody gave it to me after a show.
00:47:09.000 That's crazy.
00:47:10.000 You could cause divorces, fucking murder, suicide.
00:47:15.000 Oh, you could really fuck with people, yeah.
00:47:16.000 You could do all kinds of crazy shit to somebody.
00:47:18.000 I've never done anything, like, I've never done anything, like, malicious or...
00:47:22.000 Well, you think all the mean people in the world would, something like that.
00:47:25.000 Oh, God, yeah.
00:47:26.000 That seems like they could do some damage.
00:47:28.000 There's probably some recently divorced motherfucker Googling spoof card right now, like...
00:47:33.000 Yeah.
00:47:33.000 Yeah.
00:47:34.000 I probably just got them, like, ten grand in business.
00:47:37.000 Right?
00:47:37.000 You should start your own spoof card company.
00:47:41.000 Yeah, you should, Brian.
00:47:42.000 Yeah.
00:47:43.000 Yeah, okay.
00:47:45.000 Maybe I'll go away from this comedy thing and start a whole new industry.
00:47:49.000 You need to really get involved in helping people ruin other people's lives secretly.
00:47:56.000 It seems like they shouldn't be able to do that.
00:47:58.000 I don't understand how that could possibly be legal.
00:48:01.000 How could you possibly be able to pretend you're someone else and call someone?
00:48:06.000 I don't think that's legal.
00:48:07.000 I just couldn't imagine that that seems like fraud, you know?
00:48:12.000 Yeah.
00:48:12.000 I mean, it seems like there would be some sort of a weirdo terrorist law to protect you against shit like that.
00:48:20.000 I think it falls in the same categories like if you write a letter saying that you're writing it from the White House on the returns label.
00:48:26.000 I don't know, dude.
00:48:27.000 I don't know.
00:48:29.000 I mean, I, you know...
00:48:30.000 Hopefully I don't get in trouble.
00:48:32.000 But I think there's an app.
00:48:33.000 No, I think that it's something that's out there, and I don't think it's illegal.
00:48:36.000 Yeah, there's actually an app.
00:48:38.000 It's a voice app.
00:48:39.000 Because you can also do, like, unknown number.
00:48:42.000 I don't know.
00:48:43.000 There's an app that you can buy that's a voice recorder.
00:48:45.000 It is called Recorder on the App Store.
00:48:48.000 And it's the same kind of idea where you put in your credit card information and then it filters the call through this app or something like that and it records it for you.
00:48:57.000 So you can record phone calls using your iPhone.
00:49:00.000 It's called Record.
00:49:01.000 God damn, dude.
00:49:03.000 Record phone calls using your...
00:49:05.000 So you can record other people's phone calls?
00:49:06.000 Yeah, it uses the same thing where it's like a calling card.
00:49:09.000 That shit can't be legal.
00:49:10.000 Yeah, this doesn't seem...
00:49:11.000 But yeah, I don't know how this is legal.
00:49:13.000 But there's even a button that's just call recording on.
00:49:15.000 Creepy apps on your phone, kid.
00:49:18.000 You might want to rethink your app collection.
00:49:19.000 There was one point in time when I had four fart apps on my phone.
00:49:23.000 But I got a new phone.
00:49:26.000 There were like a bunch of free...
00:49:29.000 I think it's all pretty quick, but I mean, whatever.
00:49:32.000 Free fart apps.
00:49:33.000 What satisfaction does someone have when they make a free fart app?
00:49:38.000 Some dude put a Joe Rogan...
00:49:40.000 I... iPhone application.
00:49:43.000 Somebody made one.
00:49:44.000 It's not me.
00:49:45.000 It's not mine.
00:49:46.000 But he's selling it.
00:49:47.000 What's it do?
00:49:47.000 I don't know.
00:49:48.000 I've looked at it, but he's selling it.
00:49:50.000 Is he allowed to do that?
00:49:52.000 I don't think so.
00:49:53.000 Well, you're the guy who should probably look into it.
00:49:56.000 Yeah, well, I just found out about it.
00:49:58.000 There's a lot of apps that have like, you know, for celebrities, they'll have like the Britney Spears fan app, where it's just like information about Britney Spears, and that's probably what it is.
00:50:06.000 It's probably something like that, where it's like a joke.
00:50:08.000 Yeah, but it's like a buck.
00:50:09.000 It costs a dollar.
00:50:10.000 Someone's selling it.
00:50:11.000 You want me to buy it?
00:50:12.000 Yeah, fuck it.
00:50:13.000 Let's all buy it.
00:50:14.000 Don't do it.
00:50:16.000 We're advertising something that's done for the wrong place.
00:50:20.000 Hit the dump button.
00:50:23.000 We don't have a dump button.
00:50:24.000 There's no seven seconds left?
00:50:26.000 No, we're live, dude.
00:50:27.000 All that creepy shit you said earlier, the world knows.
00:50:29.000 All that shit I said seven seconds ago.
00:50:31.000 All that fucked up shit you were thinking.
00:50:35.000 You know, it brings me up to that roast thing again.
00:50:38.000 There's a funny thing about that style of comedy, man.
00:50:41.000 That real, mean, fucking, ridiculous style.
00:50:46.000 You know, I'm a big fan of that kind of style of comedy.
00:50:50.000 It's one of the reasons why I was kind of upset when that Tracy Morgan thing went down.
00:50:54.000 I was like, you know, yeah, what he said, for sure he shouldn't have said that.
00:51:00.000 But...
00:51:01.000 He's out there swinging at crazy pitches.
00:51:03.000 He's out there saying the most fucked up shit possible.
00:51:06.000 It's not that he really means most of this.
00:51:08.000 This is his act.
00:51:09.000 His act is ridiculous and extreme, and that's what's so funny about it.
00:51:13.000 It's like there's this weird line, though, where people start judging it as a statement.
00:51:19.000 You know, instead of just as something ridiculous.
00:51:22.000 I think people are just looking for shit to get upset about.
00:51:25.000 Like, people are so...
00:51:26.000 Like, we're so fucking ripped off and fucked in this country right now.
00:51:30.000 It's like, oh, Tony Bennett said something about 9-11.
00:51:32.000 Let's have 9,000 news stories about that.
00:51:35.000 Yeah.
00:51:35.000 And not about, like...
00:51:37.000 And whatever.
00:51:38.000 This might sound like a bit or something, but...
00:51:40.000 Like, you hear about all this job creation stuff.
00:51:44.000 Like, talking about, we're going to create jobs, but just stop outsourcing them.
00:51:47.000 Is that, like...
00:51:49.000 Has anybody said that?
00:51:50.000 Is that, like, a popular belief that...
00:51:52.000 Well, I think, yeah, a lot of people think that the economy would be much better if we stopped doing that.
00:51:58.000 Then iPhones would be $7,000.
00:52:00.000 Well, and also...
00:52:01.000 Well, then, hey, maybe everybody doesn't have an iPhone.
00:52:03.000 I think that they've, you know, so many places have been established.
00:52:09.000 Electronics have always been cheap.
00:52:11.000 Yeah, well, it's not because we're making them, though.
00:52:13.000 I don't think.
00:52:14.000 I mean, how many electronics do we make over here?
00:52:16.000 Barely.
00:52:17.000 None.
00:52:18.000 But telemarketing could be done here still.
00:52:20.000 Yeah, that definitely should be.
00:52:22.000 My point was that I think those people work too hard.
00:52:25.000 I think if you look at those, what is it, Foxconn?
00:52:28.000 Those things online about the people who make those iPhones?
00:52:32.000 They would never do that here.
00:52:34.000 That shit would never get done here.
00:52:36.000 Right.
00:52:36.000 It would never get done.
00:52:38.000 So, you know, it just wouldn't happen.
00:52:40.000 Well, no, they can have...
00:52:42.000 The Asians can keep all the electronic stuff.
00:52:44.000 They do a good job of that.
00:52:46.000 We'll just do, you know, like sitting in a chair trying to sell people's shit over the phone.
00:52:51.000 What was the point about...
00:52:53.000 Why did we get on the discussion of how much those things cost to make?
00:52:57.000 I don't know.
00:52:58.000 Pfft!
00:53:00.000 Why?
00:53:01.000 I'm turning to you, Brian.
00:53:02.000 That's when you know it's dark out.
00:53:04.000 Oh, man.
00:53:05.000 That's when you know the end is near, but I'm turning to you.
00:53:08.000 Did you hear about these fucking computer gamers who figured out the...
00:53:12.000 Oh, we were talking about people...
00:53:14.000 I'm sorry.
00:53:15.000 Do you want to move on?
00:53:15.000 No, no, no.
00:53:17.000 About people being outraged about...
00:53:21.000 The Tracy Morgan.
00:53:23.000 People are definitely looking.
00:53:24.000 You're right.
00:53:25.000 Looking to be upset at things.
00:53:26.000 Have you heard about the Tony Bennett stuff?
00:53:28.000 Like, when he was on Howard Stern, he said something about...
00:53:30.000 Tony Bennett, the singer?
00:53:31.000 The singer.
00:53:32.000 What'd he say?
00:53:33.000 He said something about that the terrorist, like, 9-11 was kind of like, we've been fucking with people.
00:53:42.000 It's like, you know, it was bound to happen sooner or later.
00:53:44.000 I don't remember exactly what he said.
00:53:45.000 But he was like, well, you know, we've done fucked up shit, too.
00:53:49.000 You're not supposed to say that, though.
00:53:51.000 No, he got a lot of shit, but I think it's overblown, which is, you know, like the Tracy Morgan thing, there's just always something with enough buzzwords, like 9-11 or faggot, where the news can latch onto that and just keep everybody like, oh, look over there, you know, while they're, like, fucking stealing all their money.
00:54:09.000 It's amazing that the other thing that we accept pretty openly is that in times of war, you're not supposed to do anything that's going to possibly damage a soldier's morale or upset the way they look at things.
00:54:24.000 You're not supposed to say things that would possibly upset them.
00:54:31.000 Yeah.
00:54:31.000 Which totally makes sense, but when you stop and think about it, what are you asking them to do?
00:54:38.000 Those guys are already in the war.
00:54:40.000 Don't you think they're figuring it out by now?
00:54:42.000 Like, wait a minute, this is fucking bullshit.
00:54:44.000 What's going on?
00:54:45.000 Some people can keep it together.
00:54:48.000 Some people, look, people are meant to do everything, man.
00:54:50.000 There's people that are meant to do that.
00:54:52.000 It sounds ridiculous, but I firmly believe it.
00:54:55.000 I think there's a broad spectrum of human beings in this world.
00:54:58.000 Yeah, no.
00:54:58.000 I don't want to bring anybody's morale down.
00:55:01.000 Why would you even think?
00:55:03.000 Never mind.
00:55:05.000 Do you ever think about joining the military at any point in your life?
00:55:09.000 No, not at all.
00:55:12.000 I've always had a problem with authority and stuff.
00:55:15.000 I did too, but I also thought that I needed discipline.
00:55:18.000 When I was 18, I almost joined.
00:55:20.000 I wouldn't say almost joined, but I thought about it as a strong possibility for a couple of days.
00:55:25.000 Which to me, at 18, with my fucking heavy ADD, was a big deal.
00:55:30.000 I think it would have done me good, but yeah, I wouldn't have.
00:55:33.000 Well, I always admired people that did it.
00:55:34.000 I had a few friends that were in the Army, and I had a few friends that had been in the Marines, and they definitely came back more.
00:55:41.000 There was something about them.
00:55:42.000 They had more confidence.
00:55:44.000 They had been through boot camp and all that shit.
00:55:47.000 There was a passage, a coming-of-age sort of a thing that I hadn't experienced.
00:55:51.000 And I was like, I think there's something to that.
00:55:53.000 I think boot camp is good for somebody.
00:55:56.000 I was always trying to figure out what's the best way to think, what's the best way to maneuver your way through life.
00:56:04.000 The thing that I was most uncomfortable with was, I'm like, I'm fucking lazy, man.
00:56:07.000 I don't like this.