The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #140

00:00:00.000 Gene Simmons came to see me do stand-up at New Year's in L.A. And his son listened to one of my CDs and liked it, so he dragged the whole family out.

00:00:10.000 I've never been starstruck before at a show where I was like, I feel weird about to go on stage.

00:00:15.000 I'm about to go on stage.

00:00:17.000 It wasn't a normal show.

00:00:19.000 It just couldn't be a normal show.

00:00:20.000 It was just too weird to me.

00:00:21.000 When I was a little kid, like a little 7 or 8 years old or whatever the fuck I was, I guess I was probably like 11 when Kiss was big.

00:00:30.000 I remember, like, thinking they were the greatest thing in the history of the world.

00:00:35.000 You know, like, this is the greatest band of all time.

00:00:38.000 Like, I was a huge, huge KISS fan.

00:00:40.000 So, like, to be standing there as a grown man, and he's a grown man, and we're at my show, I'm like, that's just too fucking weird.

00:00:48.000 This is too much for me.

00:00:50.000 I had to address it.

00:00:51.000 I had to address it.

00:00:51.000 I shifted my whole act around.

00:00:55.000 Can't do that whole Gene Simmons chunk.

00:01:01.000 Luckily I didn't, right?

00:01:03.000 There are some people, there are some young girls who would be more starstruck by Gene Simmons' son if she saw the two of them walking down the street, or some young kids in general.

00:01:15.000 Well, he's a reality star.

00:01:17.000 He's a handsome devil.

00:01:18.000 Very tall.

00:01:19.000 The whole family is very tall.

00:01:22.000 When they were hugging me, I felt like their child.

00:01:26.000 Were the cameras following them around for the reality show?

00:01:29.000 No, it was legit.

00:01:30.000 It was just a regular show.

00:01:31.000 Did you know there's an abandoned zoo in L.A., in Griffith Park?

00:01:35.000 An abandoned zoo?

00:01:37.000 Yeah, it closed in the 1960s.

00:01:39.000 It was the first zoo in Los Angeles.

00:01:41.000 They closed it down because it was so fucking small, and so they raised money for the current zoo, and so it was like a mile down the street.

00:01:49.000 And so now, I found out the other day that you can actually go to this zoo.

00:01:53.000 It's still there.

00:01:54.000 You can walk through it.

00:01:54.000 Yeah, they filmed the movie Anchorman.

00:01:56.000 There's a scene in it from that movie.

00:01:58.000 So anyways, you go through this weird trail, and you go through this parking lot, and then you end up in this zoo, and it looks like this is where the tigers were.

00:02:05.000 This is where the elephants were.

00:02:06.000 And then there's all these cages where there used to be gorillas and stuff like that.

00:02:10.000 And what's so cool, it's fucking creepily...

00:02:12.000 It's been grown over.

00:02:14.000 There's plants and stuff like that, and half of the shit's like, Still standing.

00:02:18.000 The other half is crumbling.

00:02:19.000 But people hang out there and bring blankets.

00:02:23.000 And there was people playing the doors in one of the cells.

00:02:27.000 So you're just walking down here with Jim Morrison just kind of echoing throughout.

00:02:32.000 This sounds a little fantastical.

00:02:34.000 I mean, I live really close to there.

00:02:35.000 And it's not that weird.

00:02:38.000 It's a field.

00:02:40.000 Right when you drive in off Riverside there.

00:02:42.000 Right.

00:02:42.000 It's just up past the merry-go-round thing.

00:02:46.000 And there's a big field and then some old cages.

00:02:48.000 Yeah, you're freaking me out, man.

00:02:50.000 I don't know about these doors parties.

00:02:53.000 And then there's a man who works there.

00:02:55.000 Did you go to the old house?

00:02:56.000 And he talked to us.

00:02:58.000 He told us where to go, and it turns out he's been dead for five years!

00:03:04.000 See, we climbed through where the animals walk up and down, or through the back, and there was people, graffiti artists, really awesome.

00:03:12.000 Oh, you saw this?

00:03:13.000 Yeah.

00:03:13.000 Oh, okay.

00:03:14.000 And behind the gate, there was a big drawing of a gorilla face screaming behind this gate.

00:03:19.000 Imagine if somebody just clubbed you over the head, and the next thing you know, there was a dick in your ass.

00:03:23.000 Yeah!

00:03:26.000 Oh, that was in the dream, too.

00:03:29.000 What I thought was the creepiest, though, it was mostly women and girls just hanging out there.

00:03:34.000 What was going on?

00:03:35.000 Smoking weed and stuff like that.

00:03:36.000 So it's a hangout.

00:03:37.000 People hang out there.

00:03:38.000 Yeah, it's like a park, almost.

00:03:39.000 But it was at night?

00:03:40.000 No, during the day.

00:03:41.000 So it's a former zoo that you can walk through.

00:03:44.000 Yeah.

00:03:44.000 Anybody can walk through.

00:03:45.000 Yeah, and it closed in the 60s.

00:03:47.000 And then you can really explore.

00:03:49.000 There's a lot of trails.

00:03:50.000 You can find old things.

00:03:52.000 It would be really cool to see the blueprint.

00:03:54.000 And like, oh, this is where this used to be.

00:03:56.000 It's like a ghost town.

00:03:58.000 It's creepy as fuck.

00:03:59.000 I thought I saw most of it, but it sounds...

00:04:01.000 What you're saying is...

00:04:03.000 Yeah.

00:04:03.000 I was working for a private investigator once, and I used to have to do a lot of driving for them.

00:04:09.000 And we were out in the middle of fucking nowhere, like way, way far away.

00:04:13.000 And I was driving back home, and I was bored.

00:04:15.000 And I don't remember the town, but it was a town in the middle of fucking nowhere.

00:04:19.000 And I saw a sign that said the zoo, for whatever the fuck this town was.

00:04:23.000 I mean, I'm in the middle of nowhere.

00:04:24.000 So I pull in.

00:04:25.000 I go, okay, let's see what this fucking zoo's all about.

00:04:27.000 So I go there.

00:04:28.000 There's a tiger that is in like a swimming pool.

00:04:31.000 Yeah.

00:04:31.000 I mean, this fucking thing has nowhere to move.

00:04:34.000 And it keeps pacing back and forth and back and forth.

00:04:38.000 And that's as far as I got.

00:04:39.000 I got to that thing and I was just so freaked out by the obvious madness that I was seeing that they had taken some animal and put it into what is really like a swimming pool.

00:04:50.000 And this fucking thing is just going back and forth and back and forth and there's no room for him.

00:04:55.000 Oh, so like a swimming pool on its side?

00:04:57.000 No, I mean, when I say a swimming pool, it's like the size of a swimming pool, and it's cement.

00:05:02.000 I mean, it's just this weird fucking thing that this poor creature is stuck in, and he's pacing back and forth, and I'm watching him, and I'm like, this is madness.

00:05:11.000 Like, there's some, like, really tiny-ass zoos in some places where these poor little fucking animals are just, you know.

00:05:18.000 Even if you go to a nice zoo, though, does that not ever freak you out?

00:05:23.000 I can't...

00:05:23.000 I don't like that feeling of looking at these...

00:05:25.000 I mean, it's cool that we can see them all.

00:05:28.000 I mean...

00:05:28.000 I was spoiled.

00:05:29.000 It's educational.

00:05:30.000 I grew up by one of the best zoos in probably some people consider the whole country or whatever, the Columbus Zoo, where Jack Hanna's from, you know, and all that stuff.

00:05:37.000 So our zoo was a little bit cooler.

00:05:40.000 They had...

00:05:40.000 Because it's Ohio.

00:05:41.000 They had, like, farmland, you know, zoo, where it was just like...

00:05:44.000 This elephant was in, like, its own, like...

00:05:48.000 Like, it didn't look like a cage.

00:05:50.000 It was just, you know, big, huge exhibits.

00:05:52.000 Do you think it bothers them, though?

00:05:53.000 Okay, do you think if it gets big enough, then it's okay?

00:05:57.000 Is that the justification?

00:05:58.000 Yeah, I think, like, do you know that you're on, you know, where you're at right now?

00:06:03.000 You know, if you grew up on an island like Hawaii or something like that, I mean, that's way bigger, but, you know, elephants, they just want a big thing of grass.

00:06:11.000 I don't think they care to go hiking.

00:06:12.000 Are you saying that elephants are in Hawaii?

00:06:14.000 I'm so confused.

00:06:16.000 Yeah.

00:06:16.000 Where the fuck did Hawaii figure into your equation?

00:06:18.000 I'm talking about if animals have enough space.

00:06:20.000 If they have football fields.

00:06:22.000 I agree.

00:06:23.000 I went to the San Diego.

00:06:24.000 Yeah, San Diego Wild Animal Park is pretty dope.

00:06:27.000 And the one animals that definitely seem happy are the giraffes.

00:06:30.000 They're just kind of chilling and eating and wandering around.

00:06:33.000 And there's no one there to jack them.

00:06:35.000 If you're a gazelle or an antelope or a fucking giraffe or anything, you're always thinking something's going to jack you eventually.

00:06:44.000 You ever see the videos of them taking down giraffes?

00:06:49.000 Of lions taking down giraffes?

00:06:50.000 There's a bunch of them online.

00:06:52.000 It is crazy, man.

00:06:54.000 It's crazy.

00:06:54.000 One of them, there's a lion and two lionesses, and they take down this giraffe in the middle of a street.

00:07:01.000 And these people are filming this from their fucking car.

00:07:04.000 They're inside their car, and they're filming it through the windshield, and this fucking lion takes down this giraffe right in front of them.

00:07:12.000 It's wild, dude.

00:07:15.000 It's so fucking primal.

00:07:18.000 You're right there, and this thing is just...

00:07:21.000 That shirt is so badass.

00:07:22.000 Yeah, I got a Bert Kreischer t-shirt on.

00:07:24.000 Does he sell those?

00:07:25.000 Yeah, I think so.

00:07:26.000 That is fucking beautiful.

00:07:27.000 It says, I am the machine.

00:07:29.000 If you don't know, Bert Kreischer has a fucking hilarious story that he told on this podcast, which is an amazing story of him in Russia.

00:07:36.000 And it's so funny that somebody animated that one, right?

00:07:38.000 Yeah, and I think if I remember correctly, it's like in the hundreds of thousands now.

00:07:42.000 Yeah, it's fucking hilarious.

00:07:44.000 I'll find it later and I'll tweet it tonight.

00:07:47.000 But, you know, Bert Kreischer, he's been on the podcast a bunch of times, and he's one of the funniest guys ever.

00:07:51.000 It's a crazy story.

00:07:52.000 I heard it.

00:07:52.000 He did it at the improv.

00:07:53.000 He's so funny, man.

00:07:55.000 He's such a fun guy to be around, man.

00:07:57.000 Yeah.

00:07:57.000 I didn't realize his, like, history.

00:07:59.000 I mean, I just, you know, he's just the guy that I met.

00:08:01.000 Around doing comedy, but I didn't know that he was like the king of college partiers.

00:08:07.000 Yeah, Van Wilder.

00:08:10.000 He's such a nice guy.

00:08:12.000 Yeah.

00:08:12.000 It's so weird.

00:08:13.000 It's like he's a partier, yeah, but he doesn't have a fucking mean bone in his body.

00:08:17.000 No, no.

00:08:18.000 And he hangs out with his fans, like that one guy, that Monkey Todd, did that awesome Nancy Grace video, by the way.

00:08:23.000 Did you see that Nancy Grace video?

00:08:24.000 No.

00:08:25.000 It was beautiful.

00:08:25.000 Dude called up Nancy Grace and asked Nancy Grace, you know, what is it, who you want to marry, fuck, or kill?

00:08:31.000 Right, yeah, yeah.

00:08:32.000 And he asked her, you know...

00:08:35.000 Would you rather want to marry, kill, or fuck Red Band, Sam Tripoli, or Jason Tebow?

00:08:40.000 And he says it's on TMZ, live.

00:08:43.000 Really?

00:08:43.000 Yeah.

00:08:43.000 And Nancy Grace is just sitting there like, you could kind of look like she was going to smile, but then you become angry.

00:08:48.000 And then Monkey Todd goes, and would you dry hump Sam Tripoli?

00:08:52.000 And then Harvey, the TMZ host, this was their first serious interview, I heard.

00:08:56.000 They were really like, wow, this is the first time we have a serious interview.

00:09:00.000 Harvey was like, is this serious?

00:09:02.000 Really?

00:09:04.000 It's uncomfortable to watch that video, don't you think?

00:09:06.000 Yeah.

00:09:06.000 No.

00:09:07.000 Why is it uncomfortable?

00:09:08.000 She's a nonsense person.

00:09:09.000 She is nonsensical.

00:09:10.000 Dead babies in Florida!

00:09:13.000 Did you know she was that big?

00:09:14.000 That's what keeps her in office.

00:09:15.000 Did you know she was that big?

00:09:16.000 I didn't know she was that big.

00:09:17.000 Yeah, well, you know, fretting about dead babies in Florida allows you a lot of freedom to eat Cheetos and stuff your face with reddings.

00:09:27.000 Dead babies.

00:09:28.000 It doesn't seem possible.

00:09:30.000 Is this ring ding if I don't eat this ring ding?

00:09:32.000 Is this baby in Florida gonna be alive now?

00:09:36.000 I don't think so.

00:09:37.000 She just eats it.

00:09:38.000 It's hard to stay slim when there's so many dead babies.

00:09:41.000 It's hard to stay slim.

00:09:42.000 And she has babies.

00:09:43.000 She has twin babies, which doesn't seem right.

00:09:46.000 She doesn't seem like childbearing.

00:09:48.000 It seems like that should be physically impossible.

00:09:52.000 Her eggs should be just fucking fighting to the death in there.

00:09:56.000 I question it.

00:09:56.000 I wonder.

00:09:57.000 Her eggs should look like a gladiator scene.

00:10:01.000 Just fighting each other.

00:10:03.000 Can you imagine if she just had the best pussy ever?

00:10:05.000 Just juicy.

00:10:06.000 No way.

00:10:06.000 Just like a fist.

00:10:08.000 Imagine.

00:10:09.000 Just like it's jerking you off with her vagina muscles.

00:10:12.000 Have you seen that Russian bitch online that can carry like 30 pounds with her pussy?

00:10:16.000 What?

00:10:16.000 With piercings?

00:10:17.000 I don't know how it works.

00:10:19.000 She doesn't really show the gash.

00:10:20.000 But she's got videos on how to control your pussy muscles so that you can pick up weight.

00:10:26.000 She would just fucking crush your dick.

00:10:29.000 Just get it in there.

00:10:30.000 Maybe it would be too tight.

00:10:31.000 Maybe it would be uncomfortable.

00:10:32.000 Like a wrestling match with your dick.

00:10:34.000 Yeah.

00:10:35.000 You know, like dogs.

00:10:36.000 Like dogs, when they fuck, they've got a real problem.

00:10:38.000 Because dogs have a bone.

00:10:40.000 And that bone gets locked in there like a fish hook.

00:10:42.000 And sometimes they get stuck.

00:10:44.000 It's fucking painful.

00:10:45.000 Cats do that.

00:10:46.000 They yipe and yipe.

00:10:46.000 Cats are jagged dicks.

00:10:48.000 What?

00:10:49.000 Yeah, have you ever seen a cat dick?

00:10:50.000 It's jagged.

00:10:51.000 What are you doing jerking off cats, son?

00:10:54.000 Yeah, why'd you see a cat there?

00:10:56.000 Nobody else says.

00:10:57.000 That's why if you ever hear cats fucking, they're screaming.

00:11:00.000 Oh, wow.

00:11:00.000 So it's painful?

00:11:01.000 It's painful for the female cat.

00:11:03.000 That's nuts.

00:11:04.000 You should Google cat penis right now.

00:11:06.000 You'll be shocked.

00:11:06.000 It looks like a...

00:11:07.000 I've been tricked before, but not that easily, Brian.

00:11:10.000 Not that easily.

00:11:11.000 Cat penis.

00:11:12.000 Cat penis.

00:11:13.000 Seriously, look at it.

00:11:14.000 I guess I need to know.

00:11:15.000 Everybody knows what a dog dick looks like, but very few people will know.

00:11:19.000 Yeah, I've never seen my cat's penis.

00:11:20.000 No.

00:11:21.000 You've never seen it?

00:11:22.000 No.

00:11:23.000 You didn't go take a look?

00:11:24.000 Okay.

00:11:24.000 I see little Barbie looking things.

00:11:26.000 Cat penis spines they are called.

00:11:28.000 My goodness.

00:11:30.000 He's telling the truth.

00:11:31.000 This is horrific.

00:11:33.000 Nature is so ruthless.

00:11:35.000 You know what it is?

00:11:35.000 That's to ensure that the male stays in there and shoots his load.

00:11:39.000 This is horrendous.

00:11:41.000 Nature is so goddamn vicious.

00:11:43.000 What a vicious fucking animal nature is.

00:11:45.000 Well, if girl cats would just loosen up a little bit, they would just need their Barbie penis.

00:11:49.000 That's a wild world we're living in.

00:11:52.000 The world of the cats.

00:11:53.000 Big cats like jaguars or little baby cats out there killing mice.

00:11:58.000 It's just the same thing.

00:11:59.000 It's a wild world of fucking moving and killing things smaller than you.

00:12:04.000 We can't even understand what it must be like to try to get some cat pussy.

00:12:07.000 You know?

00:12:08.000 Could you imagine?

00:12:09.000 Could you imagine?

00:12:10.000 This bitch is in agony.

00:12:12.000 She wants to fuck so bad she's in agony, but she knows you're going to rip her insides up with that needly dick.

00:12:18.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:12:20.000 She wants you to just fuck me with no needles.

00:12:23.000 She's like, baby, the needles are part of the package.

00:12:26.000 And they just circle each other.

00:12:29.000 That could be a good, like, let's write that script.

00:12:31.000 Cat man, but he just has a Barbie penis.

00:12:34.000 Well, that's why dude cats, you know what they like?

00:12:38.000 They like those fluffy cats that just give up.

00:12:40.000 You know, like, what are those called?

00:12:42.000 What is yours called?

00:12:43.000 Persians.

00:12:44.000 Persians just give up.

00:12:45.000 They're just little slutty cats.

00:12:47.000 They just relax and just take it.

00:12:49.000 That's why, like, a big tomcat would like a Persian cat around the house.

00:12:52.000 So you could just fuck it, random.

00:12:55.000 She's not going to fight back much.

00:12:56.000 She's going to barely fight back.

00:12:58.000 She can't fuck with him.

00:12:59.000 Big black street cat.

00:13:01.000 It's like the Kardashians.

00:13:02.000 They're Persian, aren't they?

00:13:04.000 No.

00:13:05.000 No, they're Armenian.

00:13:06.000 Did you make a joke about Armenians somewhere on Twitter recently?

00:13:11.000 No, I don't think so.

00:13:12.000 Have you ever worn a long-sleeved shirt?

00:13:14.000 Oh, no.

00:13:14.000 Jen Kirkman tweeted something...

00:13:17.000 Yeah, she tweeted something about...

00:13:19.000 What is it?

00:13:19.000 An Armenian holiday today or something?

00:13:21.000 I don't know.

00:13:22.000 Is it?

00:13:22.000 She said something.

00:13:23.000 She said she wasn't going to make any sarcastic tweets about the Kardashians in honor of some Armenian day.

00:13:30.000 And I called her an ass kisser.

00:13:32.000 That was the whole...

00:13:33.000 I didn't say anything negative about Armenians.

00:13:36.000 I know you would never do that, right?

00:13:38.000 I would never say anything negative about a group of people that proud.

00:13:42.000 Armenians, they love being Armenian.

00:13:44.000 There's not a lot of Armenians who are like, They love being Armenians.

00:13:51.000 They're proud people.

00:13:52.000 Cairo Parisian, dude who used to fight in the UFC. Fucking what a personality that guy has.

00:13:57.000 He's hilarious.

00:13:58.000 I got this thing that we were having lunch.

00:14:00.000 I gotta ask him if I can put this video out.

00:14:03.000 It's a video of him joking around about his nickname was The Heat.

00:14:08.000 Mm-hmm.

00:14:09.000 And joking around about giving girls the heat and telling them, what are you doing?

00:14:12.000 You're taking the heat, the heat, take the heat.

00:14:14.000 He's like yelling about it.

00:14:15.000 He's like, he's so Armenian.

00:14:18.000 Yeah.

00:14:18.000 You know what I mean?

00:14:18.000 It's so fucking hilarious.

00:14:20.000 You know those really aggressive, funny Armenian type guys?

00:14:24.000 Yeah.

00:14:25.000 I mean, I don't know a ton of them.

00:14:26.000 I've only lived out here for...

00:14:28.000 They're like extreme Italians.

00:14:29.000 A few years.

00:14:29.000 Yeah.

00:14:30.000 Italians with extremes.

00:14:32.000 Yeah, exactly.

00:14:33.000 I actually had...

00:14:33.000 Armenians took me up at the tire center the other day, which was the most weirdest thing.

00:14:37.000 There were six Armenians.

00:14:38.000 They all came out, circled around the car, and were like, hey, how's it going?

00:14:41.000 Oh, you got two nails in your tires.

00:14:42.000 We'll change them and patch them.

00:14:43.000 And he goes, you know what?

00:14:44.000 It's on us.

00:14:45.000 And I'm like, what?

00:14:46.000 Really?

00:14:47.000 Dude.

00:14:47.000 That's awesome.

00:14:48.000 What the fuck is that?

00:14:48.000 You always hear bad things about Russian people and Armenian people and people from what we consider hard places.

00:14:57.000 I've meet a lot of great Armenian people.

00:15:00.000 Armenian people have a lot of passion.

00:15:03.000 There's something about real ethnic groups, a real group like the Armenians.

00:15:08.000 They stick to their culture.

00:15:09.000 And when I was growing up, I always thought culture was kind of bullshit.

00:15:12.000 Like, who gives a fuck?

00:15:14.000 It doesn't really matter if you behave exactly the way everybody else behaves.

00:15:17.000 But when you see a really tight-knit ethnic community, and you appreciate not that they're racist or biased against anybody else, but that they have this real distinct flavor to them.

00:15:29.000 The way they behave, the things they like.

00:15:32.000 They have this real distinct, real uniqueness to it that makes it interesting.

00:15:38.000 It's one of the interesting things about life.

00:15:40.000 One of the things I was thinking about when I was in New Orleans this weekend, I was like, this is a completely different way to live your life.

00:15:47.000 Here there's these people that are living, this is a totally different flavor, a very unique flavor of its own.

00:15:53.000 It almost was like a race.

00:15:56.000 New Orleans people are almost like it's from another country.

00:16:00.000 But I think that when people get assimilated, the perfect thing is to have everybody be cool with everybody and there's no people who are prejudiced against any particular group because we're all some sort of weird shade of grey now.

00:16:14.000 We've all interbred to the point where there's no distinctiveness between, no way of distinguishing us between anybody else.

00:16:20.000 We're all just one sort of individual type of thing.

00:16:23.000 But along the way, man, we're going to lose a lot of fun.

00:16:27.000 There's a lot of fun in people being weird.

00:16:30.000 There's a lot of fun in Armenian dudes wearing gold chains and trying to get some pussy.

00:16:36.000 Those guys are awesome, man.

00:16:38.000 Those guys are fucking characters, man.

00:16:40.000 What about the Kardashians, though?

00:16:42.000 Armenians aren't proud of that.

00:16:42.000 I believe they are.

00:16:43.000 If you make fun of the Kardashians, is an Armenian guy going to punch me in the face?

00:16:48.000 I don't think they claim them.

00:16:50.000 I don't think the Armenians claim them.

00:16:51.000 Because it seems like she's trying to be a white girl.

00:16:54.000 It's different.

00:16:55.000 I think Armenian women...

00:16:57.000 I don't want to speak for Armenian women.

00:16:59.000 Well, listen.

00:17:00.000 They have to forget about whatever the fuck...

00:17:03.000 Is she worthwhile?

00:17:06.000 Is she worth anything?

00:17:08.000 What's the point?

00:17:08.000 We're talking about her.

00:17:09.000 She's entertaining.

00:17:10.000 Just as Max and Ruby is a cartoon that my kids love.

00:17:14.000 It's this little rabbit show.

00:17:15.000 It's a fucking show.

00:17:16.000 It's entertaining.

00:17:17.000 Maybe not to you.

00:17:18.000 I've never heard of it.

00:17:19.000 I don't have kids.

00:17:20.000 To someone, this Kardashian show is fucking awesome.

00:17:24.000 Oh, I guess so.

00:17:25.000 To that person, they deserve it.

00:17:26.000 As ridiculous as it is.

00:17:29.000 So, I don't know.

00:17:31.000 I don't know if the Armenians claim her, but they should.

00:17:35.000 You see that?

00:17:35.000 She's a badass bitch when it comes to being good at that.

00:17:39.000 Oh, like Paris Hilton?

00:17:41.000 Yeah.

00:17:41.000 Well, she took the Paris Hilton thing to some completely new level to the point where every time I'm at the airport, I'm throwing my fucking sneakers into a bin.

00:17:50.000 I'm looking at her face.

00:17:52.000 There's like ads where it's her and a couple other famous people.

00:17:55.000 And I'm like, wow, this girl started off in a fucking porno movie.

00:17:59.000 And now I'm putting my change on her face.

00:18:02.000 This is so strange.

00:18:05.000 I love it.

00:18:07.000 I love the madness of it.

00:18:08.000 I love how ridiculous it is.

00:18:10.000 I've gotten to the point where I love Rick Perry.

00:18:14.000 I see him talk and I know he's a stuttering fuck.

00:18:18.000 I know he's just like Bush.

00:18:21.000 I know he's going to do the exact same shit, maybe even weirder.

00:18:25.000 Oh, dude, yeah.

00:18:27.000 Josh Brolin playing W in the movie.

00:18:29.000 That's what he reminds me of.

00:18:30.000 And I look at him, but I like it.

00:18:32.000 I like that he's there.

00:18:33.000 I'm enjoying that he's there.

00:18:35.000 I mean, yeah, but then it's just like, so...

00:18:38.000 I don't know what it is.

00:18:39.000 Just giving up on everything.

00:18:40.000 I mean, I'm kind of in the same boat where it's like, all right, I can either be walking around furious out of my mind all the time, or just don't really pay attention to it and enjoy the absurdity of it all.

00:18:52.000 Is it possible?

00:18:53.000 Like, watching Mitt Romney and Rick Perry, like, I just saw on the news, I don't know, they were, like, debating each other, and it's like...

00:19:00.000 Who's crazier?

00:19:01.000 Who believes in crazier shit?

00:19:02.000 They're the same dude!

00:19:04.000 Like, that's, like, from an 80s movie.

00:19:05.000 They're, like, politicians.

00:19:07.000 They're, like, the archetype, like, bad politician guy from, like, an 80s movie or something.

00:19:12.000 It's just, like, this, like, robot dude.

00:19:15.000 They're both exactly the same.

00:19:17.000 And that's like your choice.

00:19:19.000 We're getting a real clear message with politics over the last decade or so.

00:19:26.000 It's that what you're seeing on television, the people that are talking, that's the guy who got that spot.

00:19:34.000 That's all that is.

00:19:34.000 And that guy is instructed, he's pushed into a certain direction by all the people who got him to that position.

00:19:42.000 It's so clear.

00:19:43.000 It's so obvious.

00:19:45.000 There can be no denying it.

00:19:46.000 When you look at it now, to take it seriously, as in, you know, to take it to think that there's really some sort of a big vote going on and we're going to change the way the whole thing works.

00:19:54.000 Hey, I hear they're going to throw out the Federal Reserve.

00:19:57.000 Really?

00:19:57.000 Yeah, it's going to go back to the only living by the Constitution.

00:20:01.000 We're going to cut the number of laws back dramatically.

00:20:04.000 We're going to let people have states' rights again.

00:20:06.000 Yeah, we're going to get rid of all these...

00:20:08.000 How long would that last?

00:20:10.000 Oh, yeah.

00:20:11.000 They would kill that guy.

00:20:12.000 They would kill that guy in a heartbeat.

00:20:13.000 Oh, yeah, of course.

00:20:14.000 We all agree to that, right?

00:20:16.000 Just the guy saying, like, no, I don't think I can sign that bill called the Clean Air Act that actually lets you pollute more.

00:20:21.000 Well, people tell you, well, that's ridiculous.

00:20:23.000 You're being cynical.

00:20:24.000 This is a terrible message to send out.

00:20:26.000 You haven't really researched this enough to be absolutely accurate, and yet you're saying this damaging thing that voting doesn't change anything, and you're sending a terrible message to people.

00:20:34.000 But at what point in time are you allowed to be objective?

00:20:37.000 At what point in time do you look at a guy like Obama who acts like a Republican and does all this creepy shit that if GW was doing it, liberals would be fucking calling in to newspapers every day and protesting every day?

00:20:50.000 He's doing shit that's just like the stuff that Bush did.

00:20:54.000 And yet somehow or another, yeah, absolutely.

00:20:57.000 Somehow or another, liberals aren't even saying anything about it.

00:21:01.000 It's so bizarrely creepy and so bizarrely weird.

00:21:04.000 Just like Windows versus PC. It's like the same sort of retard battle going on.

00:21:09.000 It's the same sort of weird control over some fucking boat that doesn't even have a steering wheel.

00:21:15.000 It's like one day you break into the fucking main cabin.

00:21:18.000 Alright, we finally got to the head of the boat.

00:21:20.000 There's no steering wheel on this fucking boat.

00:21:22.000 There's nothing.

00:21:23.000 There's no instruments.

00:21:23.000 It's smooth as glass.

00:21:25.000 You can't affect this fucking thing at all.

00:21:27.000 You could spend your whole life chipping away at this insanely corrupt system.

00:21:31.000 Good luck.

00:21:32.000 Look at when you see anybody that challenges any of the mainstream ideas that we've come to accept.

00:21:37.000 Look at a guy like Ron Paul.

00:21:39.000 They duck that fucking guy every chance they get.

00:21:41.000 Mm-hmm.

00:21:42.000 I've seen polls where they ignore the number one guy and focus on the two and three.

00:21:47.000 The real battle between Rick Perry and Mitt Romney.

00:21:51.000 And they were literally ignoring that Ron Paul was winning things.

00:21:55.000 Just ignoring him.

00:21:56.000 Just not even talking about him.

00:21:58.000 Because he's just telling them they're doing everything wrong.

00:22:01.000 We're doing everything wrong.

00:22:02.000 The people are going, yes!

00:22:04.000 And the TV people are going, oh, no, no.

00:22:08.000 When Howard Dean said, yeah!

00:22:10.000 But he fucked up.

00:22:12.000 But is that really fucking up?

00:22:13.000 He fucked up.

00:22:15.000 I think they set him up, too.

00:22:17.000 I mean, it was manipulated.

00:22:19.000 They took that footage and really twisted it into something.

00:22:23.000 Well, I remember it was morning mattress material.

00:22:26.000 There was a show that I always think of when I think of morning shows.

00:22:31.000 Charles Laquadera, The Mattress in the Morning in Boston.

00:22:34.000 Oh, okay.

00:22:35.000 They would play something along these lines.

00:22:37.000 So you know that every fucking single wacky morning zoo radio station played it.

00:22:42.000 He had that crazy yell that he yelled out.

00:22:44.000 And it became a joke.

00:22:45.000 It became a national joke in a matter of days.

00:22:47.000 You remember it, right?

00:22:48.000 Howard Dean did a campaign speech, and he's like, And then we're going to Vermont!

00:22:52.000 Then we're going to go to New Hampshire!

00:22:54.000 And all they did was take that yeah, and they're like, no fucking way, dude.

00:22:58.000 You can't ever yeah like that and be president.

00:23:01.000 They took it from his body mic when he was yelling to a couple thousand people.

00:23:08.000 Granted, but could you imagine if Obama ever yeah!

00:23:12.000 I'd like that.

00:23:13.000 Well, ever since Howard Dean did that, you're not allowed to show any emotion anymore.

00:23:17.000 I mean, they have playbooks now where they're like, no, don't show any emotion.

00:23:21.000 Just put the, this is still in when you make your fist, put your thumb out a little.

00:23:26.000 Isn't it amazing?

00:23:27.000 And don't ever answer a fucking question.

00:23:28.000 No matter what you do, never fucking give a direct...

00:23:32.000 Definitive answer.

00:23:33.000 And once people decide that Howard Dean is done, Howard Dean is done.

00:23:36.000 He's just pushed to the side.

00:23:38.000 He was the front runner.

00:23:39.000 He was the number one guy.

00:23:41.000 A surgeon from Vermont.

00:23:42.000 Brilliant man.

00:23:43.000 Brilliant man.

00:23:44.000 Great speaker.

00:23:45.000 Got a little emotional.

00:23:46.000 Good morals.

00:23:47.000 Get the fuck out of here.

00:23:49.000 I kind of like him even more now because he's so uncensored when he talks about things.

00:23:54.000 Vermont's a very interesting place, too.

00:23:56.000 He's from Vermont.

00:23:57.000 It's amazing.

00:23:58.000 It's really northern and rural, but it's really smart.

00:24:01.000 Have you ever done a gig there?

00:24:02.000 Yeah, I've done a gig in Burlington when I was living in Boston.

00:24:06.000 I did a weekend there once.

00:24:08.000 It was fucking great, man.

00:24:09.000 I was like, wow, what a crazy...

00:24:10.000 And they were like, winters are tough, though.

00:24:12.000 Yeah.

00:24:12.000 That's what everybody said.

00:24:12.000 I have a friend who lives in Brattleboro.

00:24:14.000 Yeah?

00:24:15.000 Yeah, winters are fucking...

00:24:17.000 I wouldn't want to be there in a winter.

00:24:19.000 There's a certain quality of your life that you sacrifice when you live in some place that's brutally cold.

00:24:25.000 Well, it's the way it's so rural that everybody's got a 45-foot kind of dirt driveway thing, and then when it snows and freezes, it's like, I can't drive my truck down there.

00:24:36.000 It'll fucking slide into a tree.

00:24:38.000 Well, up in Big Bear, a lot of people drive around with fucking chains on.

00:24:42.000 Yeah, you can do that.

00:24:43.000 I think you're required in certain areas, at least you used to be.

00:24:46.000 I know they make studded snow tires and shit, so you can deal with that.

00:24:50.000 A lot of people in Colorado, they have that.

00:24:52.000 No, chains are required, yeah.

00:24:54.000 But a place like Vermont, it's fucking cold for a good five or six months.

00:24:58.000 It's really cold.

00:25:00.000 Fuck is it beautiful up there, though, man.

00:25:02.000 It's one of the few places that's like...

00:25:05.000 It hasn't been fucked with.

00:25:07.000 It's a fairly small population, and it's got an incredible amount of wildlife, an incredible amount of woods, and just beautiful nature shit to look at.

00:25:20.000 When you're driving, they drive up to Burlington, and you're like, God, look how beautiful it is.

00:25:25.000 Just clear air, and not that many people.

00:25:29.000 No outdoor advertising in Vermont, too.

00:25:32.000 No billboards, no outdoor...

00:25:34.000 You can't advertise outdoors?

00:25:36.000 Wow.

00:25:37.000 Yeah, they're real hippie.

00:25:38.000 That's where Ben and Jerry comes from.

00:25:39.000 Yeah.

00:25:40.000 You know, Ben and Jerry's ice cream?

00:25:41.000 They came from Vermont.

00:25:42.000 They're real super hippie up there.

00:25:44.000 Are they up there still?

00:25:45.000 Yeah, you can actually go to the factory.

00:25:46.000 And do the dudes live up there too?

00:25:48.000 Or do they fucking fake it and they're in Miami?

00:25:50.000 Kidding, they dick suck!

00:25:51.000 What?

00:25:52.000 I don't know.

00:25:53.000 Sucking each other's dick.

00:25:55.000 Can you imagine if they just became super rich and then just became ballers, but then they'd have to put on the fucking Birkenstocks for their ad campaigns.

00:26:02.000 They just want to be out there doing blow.

00:26:05.000 That's a funny idea.

00:26:06.000 That'd be a funny sketch for mad TV. Fake hippies.

00:26:09.000 Like fake Ben and Jerry.

00:26:10.000 Those guys, and when they get big, they're like P. Diddy and fucking just totally shit.

00:26:14.000 Or Ben and Jerry's becomes like McDonald's where a different guy plays it in every store.

00:26:18.000 Hey, I'm Ben.

00:26:19.000 I'm Jerry.

00:26:20.000 We started off this company.

00:26:22.000 You have a fucking Ben and Jerry's show that goes on before the actual ice cream gets served.

00:26:27.000 I'm Ben and he's Jerry.

00:26:28.000 Are you sure?

00:26:29.000 I thought I was Jerry.

00:26:31.000 Yes.

00:26:33.000 Yeah, how the fuck did that McDonald's thing happen?

00:26:36.000 Remember when there's like real clowns dressing up as McDonald's and you can go to McDonald's like certain days and Ronald McDonald would be there and you're like, holy shit, there's a guy, Ronald McDonald's gonna be at this, and people get excited about it.

00:26:47.000 How ruthless is McDonald's?

00:26:48.000 They still do that.

00:26:49.000 I had a roommate who was a clown.

00:26:50.000 Really?

00:26:51.000 He would do Ronald McDonald shit, appearances.

00:26:53.000 Amazing, man.

00:26:54.000 What a tricky way to rope kids in and eat your fucking food.

00:26:58.000 Yeah, man.

00:26:59.000 I always used to think that about, you know, when you think about the most delicious cereal, it's all the worst shit for you.

00:27:04.000 And it's all the ones with the big, attractive cartoon faces on it.

00:27:08.000 Like, it literally is designed to get little kids to go, ooh, look!

00:27:12.000 Like, it speaks to them.

00:27:13.000 A cereal called Cookie Crisp.

00:27:16.000 That's not going to be appealing to a kid.

00:27:17.000 Well, you could have a cereal box that was all white that said, Captain Crunch, peanut butter.

00:27:24.000 And you would look at it and go, fuck yeah.

00:27:26.000 You could be completely white with black letter.

00:27:28.000 But to a kid, that's going to be completely unattractive.

00:27:31.000 Because they can't fucking read.

00:27:32.000 They're getting them before they even can read.

00:27:35.000 All the little kid has to see that and go, I want this, I want this.

00:27:38.000 My three-year-old can't read, but she looks at Captain Crunch and it looks fun.

00:27:42.000 Yeah.

00:27:42.000 You know, you look at Fruity Pebbles, it looks fun.

00:27:45.000 Dude, what's up with the Booberry?

00:27:45.000 They still make Booberry and all that?

00:27:47.000 Yeah, I saw it yesterday.

00:27:49.000 Did you know Booberry in Ohio, there was no such thing as Booberry.

00:27:52.000 They had only the strawberry and the chocolate.

00:27:54.000 But then I would go on vacation in Florida.

00:27:56.000 What was the Frankenstein thing?

00:27:58.000 Frankenberry.

00:27:58.000 Frankenberry and...

00:27:59.000 Okay.

00:28:00.000 Did you feel left out?

00:28:01.000 Did you feel like...

00:28:01.000 I would go to Florida on vacation and buy boxes of it as a kid.

00:28:05.000 Load up a U-Haul with Boo-Berry?

00:28:06.000 Yeah, my mom would be like, Mom, please.

00:28:07.000 This is my favorite series.

00:28:08.000 I should spend like $30 and buy as much Boo-Berry for $30.

00:28:11.000 Really?

00:28:12.000 Did you feel discriminated against?

00:28:14.000 It was rude.

00:28:15.000 There's no reason for that.

00:28:16.000 Boo-Berry's the best one and you don't sell it in certain markets.

00:28:18.000 I don't think I've ever had Boo-Berry.

00:28:19.000 Oh, it's great.

00:28:21.000 Or the strawberry one.

00:28:22.000 My folks wouldn't buy us the sugary stuff.

00:28:26.000 I mean, I've had it as an adult.

00:28:28.000 Good for them.

00:28:29.000 My parents bought it very sparingly.

00:28:31.000 They let us have it every now and then.

00:28:33.000 You'd pick a favorite.

00:28:35.000 Be able to just eat this stupid shit.

00:28:37.000 They would indulge us.

00:28:38.000 They would also let us eat TV dinners.

00:28:39.000 We wanted to eat TV dinners for some stupid reason.

00:28:41.000 They're disgusting.

00:28:42.000 But for whatever reason, the Salisbury steak.

00:28:45.000 I was like, oh, I want to eat a TV dinner.

00:28:46.000 I wanted to eat the dumbest shit.

00:28:48.000 So they would let me every now and then.

00:28:49.000 But for the most part, they wanted me to eat healthy.

00:28:51.000 So I didn't get to eat too many of those.

00:28:54.000 But when I could, when I got a chance, man...

00:28:57.000 Fuck yeah.

00:28:57.000 Well, like what we were talking about earlier.

00:28:59.000 Once you tell people they can't do shit, then it's on.

00:29:02.000 It's like, really?

00:29:03.000 I want some of that.

00:29:04.000 Yeah, imagine if you grew up vegan.

00:29:06.000 You would just like hunger for chicken livers and...

00:29:09.000 Yeah.

00:29:10.000 Hearts and meat and legs of lamb.

00:29:13.000 Yeah.

00:29:13.000 You smell it in restaurants and know you can never have it.

00:29:16.000 Glasses of curdled milk.

00:29:16.000 Yeah, no shit.

00:29:17.000 You're just getting seeds.

00:29:19.000 Here, eat these seeds.

00:29:20.000 They have a full spectrum of alpha-lipoic acids.

00:29:26.000 It's all vital nutrients.

00:29:29.000 Eat these seeds.

00:29:30.000 You can get everything and just the seeds.

00:29:32.000 Yeah.

00:29:32.000 Okay.

00:29:35.000 Yeah, I don't know.

00:29:36.000 Could you ever go vegan?

00:29:40.000 I'd give it a shot.

00:29:42.000 I mean, I wouldn't have any...

00:29:43.000 I mean, just for kind of like to see how it makes me feel and like to kind of clean out.

00:29:47.000 Like, you know, just eating kind of raw.

00:29:49.000 I would do like raw diet or...

00:29:51.000 I don't know much about it, but I'd try like...

00:29:54.000 I think, yeah, I could go vegan.

00:29:56.000 Not fish.

00:29:57.000 I like fish too much.

00:29:59.000 I like eggs too.

00:30:01.000 I could try vegetarian for a little while.

00:30:02.000 I think there's some merit to vegetarian.

00:30:04.000 I think it definitely probably changes your personality, too.

00:30:07.000 I think it's been, at least with anecdotal evidence, proven that people who eat meat are more aggressive than people who are vegetarians.

00:30:16.000 It kind of makes sense.

00:30:17.000 If you think about just the nature aspect of it, even though we're not going out and getting the stuff, even though we're not killing it ourselves, we're still eating it.

00:30:27.000 We're still getting it.

00:30:28.000 You're eating flesh.

00:30:29.000 So the attitude that you must have, like cultivating your body, if you're a flesh eater, a constant flesh eater, it's got to be a more predatory attitude.

00:30:37.000 It just makes sense.

00:30:39.000 Yeah.

00:30:39.000 I mean, I don't know how the real...

00:30:41.000 Or it probably just keeps something triggered in your body of, like, you know...

00:30:44.000 I'm totally guessing here.

00:30:45.000 Totally talking out of my ass.

00:30:46.000 Because, obviously, I don't know how the real reward system works with, like, eating meat and getting aggressive.

00:30:51.000 But we all associate, like, steak with aggression.

00:30:54.000 It's like a natural association.

00:30:56.000 You know, a fucking...

00:30:57.000 What's a man's meal?

00:30:59.000 Yeah.

00:31:00.000 Makes sense to me.

00:31:02.000 Sold.

00:31:03.000 I'm doing no further research.

00:31:04.000 I'm going to repeat what you said as fact to other people now.

00:31:08.000 I think if we all ate shit that was grass-fed, if we all ate just grass-fed beef, there would be way less of it, but it'd be way better for you.

00:31:17.000 And people would probably enjoy it more.

00:31:19.000 But there's certainly, at this point, I think there's just too many goddamn people and not enough food to live like that.

00:31:26.000 That scares me, man.

00:31:28.000 It's terrifying.

00:31:28.000 I mean, there are a lot of, you know...

00:31:30.000 We would have to have monstrous, monstrous farms to compete with some of these crazy chicken farms where they fucking grow them all stuffed together.

00:31:37.000 That freaks everybody out when you watch those chicken videos.

00:31:40.000 But if they weren't like that, how much farm acreage would it cost?

00:31:45.000 How much more would it cost?

00:31:47.000 Is it at a point where we need cheap food so much that they have to do shit like this?

00:31:52.000 Because that's fucked up.

00:31:53.000 And I'm not insinuating that they are.

00:31:55.000 I'm just raising the question.

00:31:56.000 That is fucked up.

00:31:57.000 If that's the case, if it's like we need to do the factory farming thing because there's fucking way too many of us, and they're just sending chickens out the moment they shit them out, they're fucking pumping them out with hormones because they've got to get them big quick so they can ship them out to the 300 million motherfuckers.

00:32:13.000 And out of those 300 million, how many are farmers?

00:32:17.000 How many out of 300 million people are farmers?

00:32:20.000 Is it even a million?

00:32:22.000 No, it's not one in 300. One in 300 people isn't a farmer.

00:32:25.000 Do you think there's a million farmers in this country?

00:32:28.000 Is there a million?

00:32:28.000 Yeah, I'd probably say there's different kinds of farmers.

00:32:31.000 I don't know, man.

00:32:32.000 A million?

00:32:33.000 Either way.

00:32:34.000 Let's look at it.

00:32:36.000 Obviously, folks, for you Googling right now, looking back, these fucking guys are so off with their numbers!

00:32:42.000 Uh-huh.

00:32:43.000 All I'm trying to say is, could you imagine, if that was the case, if it was one in every 300, could you imagine if one person had to take care of 300 fucking people?

00:32:51.000 Yeah.

00:32:55.000 That's ridiculous.

00:32:58.000 Yeah, I guess.

00:32:59.000 I don't know.

00:33:00.000 I would just eat a lot of water.

00:33:03.000 You imagine one person, you had to feed 300 people.

00:33:07.000 That's true, one person on your own.

00:33:08.000 One person feeds 300 people.

00:33:10.000 What the fuck?

00:33:11.000 That would be so hard.

00:33:13.000 No, you'd have to do it by yourself.

00:33:14.000 You couldn't employ anybody because we have 300 million people.

00:33:17.000 In order for our numbers to work, you can't employ anyone because it's one out of 300. And we're being super generous.

00:33:22.000 We're saying there's one million farmers.

00:33:25.000 So that's where it gets fucking Looney Tunes, man.

00:33:28.000 Obviously it doesn't work like that.

00:33:30.000 They have 100 people and they do the work of 5,000 individuals or more.

00:33:34.000 I know obviously it doesn't work like that, but it almost seems like at this point the resources versus population is in a weird place where we need an incredible amount of food and we all sort of take for granted that it's out there.

00:33:49.000 Who's providing all of this?

00:33:51.000 Yeah.

00:33:53.000 It's a lot of fucking food.

00:33:54.000 And if the three of us went out right now and had like two hours to just buy as much food as possible, we could each buy so much fucking food.

00:34:03.000 Yeah, instantly.

00:34:04.000 It's amazing.

00:34:05.000 Like just fast food.

00:34:06.000 Like if we had like an hour to buy unlimited fast food, like we could buy probably, I mean...

00:34:13.000 A van full.

00:34:16.000 More, yeah.

00:34:17.000 250 cheeseburgers a piece.

00:34:19.000 It's just, to me, staggering the way we have grown from being hunter-gatherers to people who lived in small villages to cities where we have to get the stuff sent in every day in trucks.

00:34:34.000 Just more meat for the wheel over and over again.

00:34:38.000 Trucks and trucks of meat are just pumping into the city all day long.

00:34:43.000 And it's really only been going on for a few hundred years.

00:34:46.000 That's nuts, man.

00:34:47.000 That's amazing.

00:34:49.000 It's almost like there's a living machine called civilization, and its blood is animals.

00:34:55.000 I mean, not even a few hundred, really.

00:34:56.000 It's pumped alive by blood.

00:34:58.000 The blood in the trucks, it's almost like individual blood cells, but it's not.

00:35:03.000 It's on a much larger scale.

00:35:07.000 It's like, yeah, just meat delivery devices.

00:35:10.000 These are the meat delivery devices to the city that keeps it...

00:35:15.000 Moving at this insane pace where you can fit 7 million people on one square floating place and have them stacked on top of each other.

00:35:25.000 And you just keep sending the meat.

00:35:27.000 I saw that movie Contagion yesterday.

00:35:30.000 Did it freak you out?

00:35:31.000 It didn't really freak me out.

00:35:32.000 I don't think it sucked.

00:35:34.000 I heard a lot of people say it sucked.

00:35:35.000 I liked it.

00:35:37.000 But tell me if this is right.

00:35:38.000 Does Tokyo have 36 million people?

00:35:42.000 Something crazy like that.

00:35:43.000 They're packed in there.

00:35:44.000 That blew my fucking mind.

00:35:45.000 Because they were talking, you know, like as the thing, I mean, everybody knows enough that it's about a disease that spreads.

00:35:49.000 And they would show like, you know, New York population, whatever, 8 million, whatever lives in New York, California, or Los Angeles population, this, and then they would go to Tokyo and it said 36.4 million.

00:36:01.000 And I was like...

00:36:02.000 That's incredible.

00:36:04.000 Do you think that's the goldfish rule?

00:36:06.000 The bigger the bull, the bigger the fish.

00:36:08.000 And that's why Asians, for the most part, seem a little bit smaller built.

00:36:12.000 That's interesting.

00:36:14.000 That's very interesting, Brian.

00:36:16.000 That's an interesting physiological theory.

00:36:19.000 One that people would consider.

00:36:21.000 It's funny if you judge any group like that, say a lot of Asians are small, all of a sudden you're tipping on the verge of the swimming pool filled with racism.

00:36:30.000 Like right there, what are you saying?

00:36:32.000 Were you saying Asians are small?

00:36:33.000 But there are actual statistics you can look at, like the average height and weight of them, like they are.

00:36:38.000 But still, it's a weird thing.

00:36:40.000 If you make an observation, there's always the danger of being called a racist.

00:36:45.000 Even a little observation.

00:36:47.000 It's not.

00:36:48.000 It's not at all.

00:36:48.000 I dated a girl from Japan, and she took me on a picnic at a dog park.

00:36:53.000 That's racist.

00:36:55.000 Yes.

00:36:57.000 That is racist.

00:36:58.000 Because I don't think Japanese people even eat dogs.

00:37:01.000 No, but that's racist to think that they did.

00:37:03.000 That joke's offensive on so many levels.

00:37:06.000 The joke sucks.

00:37:07.000 The joke's a logical song.

00:37:08.000 More offensive on a comedic level.

00:37:10.000 Yeah, that joke makes people go, people don't eat dogs in Japan.

00:37:13.000 That's what they do.

00:37:14.000 They don't laugh.

00:37:14.000 You would get a whole audience filled with people going, people don't eat dogs in Japan.

00:37:18.000 That would be the sound in the audience.

00:37:20.000 People don't eat dogs in Japan.

00:37:21.000 That's more racist than that.

00:37:22.000 Nobody eats dogs in Japan.

00:37:23.000 Yeah, but that would be acceptable in the Midwest.

00:37:26.000 Yeah, they eat dogs in Japan.

00:37:28.000 I know they do.

00:37:29.000 It does make sense what you said, because in other animals, that is definitely the truth.

00:37:32.000 These guys that I know told me that they could get me some baby crocodiles.

00:37:38.000 I had a giant fish tank, and I was looking for some exotic shit.

00:37:41.000 I had piranhas for a little while.

00:37:43.000 I got bored with them, and I wanted to get some crocodiles.

00:37:46.000 That seems like such a bad idea.

00:37:47.000 It's a terrible idea.

00:37:49.000 But this is what I was saying.

00:37:50.000 I was saying, okay, well, how big are these motherfuckers going to get?

00:37:53.000 Why would I have crocodiles?

00:37:54.000 He goes, we can get you crocodiles.

00:37:55.000 I go, you can get me crocodiles.

00:37:56.000 I go, how big are these crocodiles going to get?

00:37:58.000 He goes, oh, you don't have to worry about it.

00:37:59.000 I go, what do you mean?

00:38:00.000 He goes, as long as the tank is small, they won't get big.

00:38:02.000 I go, what?

00:38:03.000 Really?

00:38:04.000 What?

00:38:05.000 No way.

00:38:06.000 What?

00:38:06.000 Yes, yes, yes.

00:38:07.000 He said, how big's your tank?

00:38:09.000 It was like, I don't remember how big it was, but it was about nine feet long.

00:38:12.000 It was a really big fish tank.

00:38:14.000 And he said, maybe I'm exaggerating, seven feet long.

00:38:17.000 It was a really big fish tank.

00:38:18.000 It was big.

00:38:18.000 It was very big.

00:38:19.000 He said, they'll never get more than a few inches.

00:38:23.000 Did you get them?

00:38:24.000 No.

00:38:25.000 I think they're super illegal.

00:38:27.000 And I didn't know the dude that well.

00:38:28.000 And what if he was a fucking cup?

00:38:30.000 What if it was a setup?

00:38:32.000 Turns out Rogan's in there.

00:38:33.000 I got you some crocodiles, brother.

00:38:36.000 My dad built this huge pond in his backyard.

00:38:38.000 And he got one of those 100 goldfish at a pet store.

00:38:44.000 Almost feeder goldfish.

00:38:45.000 Shitty goldfish.

00:38:47.000 Throws them in the pond.

00:38:48.000 He took a couple out and put them in this other separate pond.

00:38:51.000 The fish in the gold pond are still alive.

00:38:53.000 A lot of them are alive.

00:38:54.000 I would probably say like 20 of them are still alive.

00:38:56.000 And now they're huge.

00:38:57.000 Like they're monster goldfish.

00:38:59.000 The other two are normal goldfish.

00:39:00.000 Right.

00:39:01.000 Yeah.

00:39:02.000 That's amazing.

00:39:03.000 Yeah.

00:39:03.000 They almost look like koi.

00:39:04.000 They almost look like koi.

00:39:05.000 Well, I think koi and goldfish are pretty related, aren't they?

00:39:09.000 Yeah.

00:39:09.000 They look related.

00:39:10.000 Shit.

00:39:11.000 Yeah, what is it with kois and tattoos?

00:39:13.000 What's that supposed to signify?

00:39:15.000 The koi becomes a dragon or some shit?

00:39:17.000 Everybody's got koi fish.

00:39:18.000 It's some Japan thing, I think.

00:39:20.000 Some dope-ass Japan shit?

00:39:22.000 Japan's just a legend.

00:39:23.000 They figured out tattooing.

00:39:25.000 They figured out how to make a sleeve.

00:39:28.000 They're the ones who first figured that shit out.

00:39:30.000 Really?

00:39:30.000 To make big, bold pieces.

00:39:32.000 You know, like the old days.

00:39:34.000 Do you have a koi fish?

00:39:36.000 No, I don't have any koi fish.

00:39:37.000 I do have a dragon, though.

00:39:38.000 I have a tiger and a samurai.

00:39:40.000 How long have you been doing that?

00:39:41.000 This one's six years old and this one's two years old.

00:39:45.000 Oh, you had that all done at the same time?

00:39:48.000 Yeah, this dude Aaron Delevadova from Guru Tattoo in San Diego.

00:39:51.000 He's a fucking badass artist.

00:39:53.000 And I just always enjoyed tattoos.

00:39:57.000 I always liked them.

00:39:57.000 I think you're wearing some cool art on your skin.

00:40:01.000 And there's a lot of people who attach a lot of weird shit to it.

00:40:04.000 You don't have to do it.

00:40:05.000 But to me, I take care of my body and I'm healthy and everything, but I want to decorate it the way I want to.

00:40:10.000 I don't give a fuck.

00:40:12.000 For some people, it's a weird thing.

00:40:16.000 It weirds them out.

00:40:17.000 Tattoos weird them out.

00:40:18.000 Tattoos weird people out because they're permanent.

00:40:20.000 When you have tattoos, it's like, he's willing to do something permanent.

00:40:25.000 I have some dumb tattoos.

00:40:27.000 What do you got?

00:40:28.000 I have Aussie rules tattooed on my toes.

00:40:31.000 Do you really?

00:40:31.000 Are you serious?

00:40:32.000 Before Aussie came back, like it was...

00:40:35.000 That's weird.

00:40:36.000 How old were you when you got that?

00:40:38.000 26. I was waiting to hear 33. 26, 27. Yeah.

00:40:44.000 But it was before the Osbournes and stuff.

00:40:47.000 Really?

00:40:48.000 Yeah, it was me and my friend were talking about...

00:40:50.000 Would you have done it or were you disappointed once the Osbournes came out?

00:40:54.000 Were you like, fuck man, now it's mainstream?

00:40:56.000 Not really.

00:40:57.000 I mean, it's on my toes, but it definitely made the joke not funny anymore.

00:41:02.000 Because you used to see, like, Ozzy written bathroom style.

00:41:04.000 I used to see Ozzy rules written everywhere.

00:41:06.000 Right, right, right.

00:41:07.000 And you just didn't see it anymore.

00:41:08.000 And I was like, Ozzy's still fucking rules, man.

00:41:10.000 Like, we saw this interview with him on, like, VH1 Behind the Music, me and my friend.

00:41:16.000 And they asked Ozzy what the key to happiness was.

00:41:19.000 And Ozzy said, the key to happiness is happy knees.

00:41:24.000 And they were like, what?

00:41:25.000 And he's like, happy knees.

00:41:27.000 The key to happiness is happy knees.

00:41:30.000 And I'm like, what are you talking about?

00:41:31.000 He stands up and pulls his pants down.

00:41:33.000 He's got smiley faces tattooed on his knees.

00:41:36.000 And he goes, happy knees.

00:41:39.000 Happy knees.

00:41:42.000 What?

00:41:42.000 I thought it was funny.

00:41:43.000 I was like, Ozzy rules, man.

00:41:45.000 It is funny.

00:41:47.000 It's just not funny enough to laugh.

00:41:48.000 It's like funny enough to smile.

00:41:50.000 I don't know, man.

00:41:52.000 Ozzy was pretty.

00:41:53.000 He's a pretty funny character.

00:41:55.000 Yeah.

00:41:55.000 He did a lot of crazy shit.

00:41:58.000 It's amazing he's still alive, isn't it?

00:42:00.000 Yeah.

00:42:00.000 I mean, he's one of those dudes that you're like, wow, he made it through.

00:42:04.000 Yeah, and now he's like this mainstream, like, did you ever think you'd see Ozzy Osbourne doing like a fucking, I don't know, he's in some like...

00:42:10.000 A sitcom sort of a thing with his wife and his kids on TV. Well, there's that, but commercials too.

00:42:14.000 You see them in pretty mainstream commercials.

00:42:16.000 Really?

00:42:16.000 Like fucking, yeah, for like direct TV and shit.

00:42:20.000 Yeah.

00:42:20.000 It's weird.

00:42:21.000 Or, like, cars, probably?

00:42:22.000 I don't know.

00:42:23.000 I don't really pay attention.

00:42:24.000 I think as we get older, we're more willing to take shit from crazy people that we like than we ever were before.

00:42:36.000 Like, look, this Chris Brown dude who beat up that Rihanna chick, he's sort of making a comeback.

00:42:42.000 Yeah, I guess.

00:42:42.000 It's like all these award shows and shit, and apparently he's super talented, a great singer, and there's some people that are accepting it, some people not.

00:42:51.000 Look at this Michael Vick thing.

00:42:53.000 Michael Vick killed a bunch of dogs in his back planet.

00:42:57.000 You can't tell me this is the same world that I grew up in, because this is a different world.

00:43:01.000 This is a different world.

00:43:02.000 This is a stranger world.

00:43:04.000 People are getting away with more.

00:43:05.000 People are more forgiving because more people are fucking up and doing weirder, creepier shit because of the internet and stuff, man.

00:43:12.000 The bar is going higher and higher.

00:43:14.000 People are doing more deviant shit, so they're like, well, let's not be so hard on that guy because, I don't know, maybe I want to fucking try some of that weird shit or whatever.

00:43:23.000 Don't you think that people have bounced back from shit that they could have never bounced back from before?

00:43:30.000 You know, sports, yeah, I think Michael Vick is definitely something that wouldn't have happened 25 years ago.

00:43:36.000 I'm shocked.

00:43:38.000 But, I mean, when you're that, like, yeah, I think the morals of our entire cultures have just been eroded a little bit.

00:43:47.000 Like, yeah.

00:43:48.000 I don't think that would have been acceptable in the early 80s.

00:43:51.000 It doesn't seem like it would.

00:43:53.000 It's all so fascinating.

00:43:55.000 You have a guy that talented, too, who can, you know.

00:43:57.000 But yeah, I just, I don't think money overrode everything 25 years ago.

00:44:03.000 Could you imagine if Clinton was in office today?

00:44:07.000 Could you imagine all the Twitter messages that interns would be throwing back and forth?

00:44:14.000 Because he would get busted, for sure, way quicker if he was in office today.

00:44:18.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:44:19.000 Think about the crazy shit that dude did.

00:44:20.000 So many more avenues of him.

00:44:23.000 He was always my proof.

00:44:25.000 When he got his dick sucked by that chick, I was always like, God damn it, I fucking knew it!

00:44:31.000 I knew it!

00:44:32.000 I knew they have to be crazy to get in there.

00:44:34.000 You can't really be that guy you're selling, man.

00:44:36.000 You can't.

00:44:37.000 You're not going to have the kind of energy...

00:44:38.000 I mean, everybody likes blowjobs, though, man.

00:44:40.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:44:40.000 Everybody likes blowjobs, but Clinton would just whip his dick out on people.

00:44:44.000 He would just get alone with girls and just whip his dick out.

00:44:46.000 Really?

00:44:46.000 Was he that out of control?

00:44:48.000 Oh, he was a maniac.

00:44:49.000 He's a fucking savage.

00:44:51.000 God bless him.

00:44:52.000 Yeah, I guess.

00:44:53.000 He's just one of those dudes who just couldn't help but swing.

00:44:55.000 I can't help but swing.

00:44:56.000 I saw the pitch.

00:44:57.000 Here it comes.

00:44:59.000 He just loved it.

00:45:01.000 Yeah, I mean, there were a lot of chicks doing that to him.

00:45:03.000 Could you imagine if he existed during the, you know, the days of today of Wienergate?

00:45:08.000 Could he have been set up, though?

00:45:09.000 Fuck yeah, he could have been set up.

00:45:10.000 I bet he liked to get drunk.

00:45:12.000 I bet he liked to get drunk and bang state troopers.

00:45:16.000 Like, hot police troopers.

00:45:18.000 Yeah.

00:45:18.000 You know?

00:45:20.000 How hot would that be?

00:45:21.000 The back of a police car?

00:45:22.000 There's a lot of girls.

00:45:23.000 There's a lot of girls.

00:45:24.000 I bet his pussy output tripled after that Monica Lewinsky thing.

00:45:28.000 Because there's a lot of girls that just want to let him know and then keep their mouth shut.

00:45:31.000 Listen, I know you had that problem with Monica, but she's a little girl, and it's not me, and I'm a grown woman, and I know what I want, and what I want is you, and I don't need anything other than you in my mouth, and that's the end of it.

00:45:40.000 And he'd be like, well, hell.

00:45:42.000 I don't think we've said enough.

00:45:47.000 He was just dropping loads on dresses and shit.

00:45:50.000 He wasn't even insisting she'd get rid of the evidence.

00:45:53.000 Maybe this could make people in another part of the world with my DNA. We can't have that.

00:45:57.000 He seemed to be a good president, though.

00:46:00.000 Yeah, he was a freak, though.

00:46:01.000 Stuck in fucking cigars and bitches' pussies.

00:46:04.000 That's so funny.

00:46:05.000 I don't know if he was a good president, man.

00:46:07.000 I don't know.

00:46:08.000 Maybe when he was on the show, the writers had it written in a more happy, friendly way.

00:46:15.000 I thought you were insinuating he did your podcast.

00:46:18.000 Did you imagine?

00:46:19.000 He was on the show?

00:46:20.000 Let's start a lobby to get him on the show.

00:46:22.000 I am the president for eight years.

00:46:26.000 And it was, for the most part, bright times.

00:46:29.000 I think he was kind of the last good guy in there.

00:46:31.000 I mean, there's only been...

00:46:32.000 Buzzy, though?

00:46:32.000 Buzzy?

00:46:33.000 I don't know.

00:46:34.000 Obama's probably a good guy.

00:46:35.000 I don't know if any of them are good guys.

00:46:36.000 I'm not sure what I believe anymore.

00:46:38.000 You've got to do some fucked up shit to get that far.

00:46:40.000 Yeah, I don't think you could be just some regular fucking dude with some unique ideas and get all the way to be president.

00:46:47.000 You have to have compromised yourself so deeply along the line.

00:46:50.000 Obviously, I've done no research whatsoever to substantiate any of these claims.

00:46:53.000 Makes sense, though.

00:46:53.000 This is just talking shit at 10 o'clock in the evening, after being in the hot sun all day and barely able to talk.

00:47:00.000 I don't know.

00:47:00.000 I don't believe it, though.

00:47:02.000 Do you believe it?

00:47:03.000 Oh, that a good guy can make it this far?

00:47:05.000 No.

00:47:06.000 How much say do they ultimately have?

00:47:09.000 You have to agree to letting unspeakable things happen on the regular.

00:47:14.000 Yeah, how much say?

00:47:16.000 How much say do you think you have?

00:47:18.000 Do you think you could even rewrite the script?

00:47:21.000 I would like to say it a different way if it's okay with everyone else.

00:47:25.000 Well, a lot of people don't believe that that's the case.

00:47:28.000 A lot of people believe that it was Lee Harvey Oswald and he got lucky and that people make a big deal out of nothing.

00:47:33.000 Yeah, maybe.

00:47:35.000 Yeah.

00:47:36.000 Maybe.

00:47:37.000 I mean, you know, Kennedy, Martin Luther King, both Kennedys.

00:47:42.000 I mean, it just seems like anybody who's kind of like steering us towards some decent change winds up with their fucking head blown off by a lone fucking crazy gunman.

00:47:51.000 Yeah.

00:47:51.000 Even John Lennon, dude.

00:47:52.000 Like, I mean, that dude could have started a revolution.

00:47:55.000 He was like the...

00:47:56.000 He's a really popular guy.

00:47:58.000 Isn't it just so tempting to fall into the idea of conspiracy and collusion?

00:48:03.000 It's very sexy.

00:48:04.000 It's very tempting.

00:48:05.000 But, I mean, it doesn't seem like there's balance on the other side.

00:48:09.000 Like, why didn't Nixon ever get shot?

00:48:11.000 Or, like, I mean, Reagan did.

00:48:12.000 I guess that's a...

00:48:13.000 You mean balance on the side?

00:48:14.000 Yeah, Reagan did.

00:48:15.000 He was one of the most rah-rah of all.

00:48:17.000 But, like...

00:48:18.000 I don't know.

00:48:19.000 It seems like, you know, Gandhi.

00:48:20.000 Like, there's no...

00:48:21.000 Well, is it possible?

00:48:22.000 Dick Cheney never got fucking shot at.

00:48:25.000 Because he was on Team Psycho.

00:48:27.000 And is it possible that the psychos...

00:48:29.000 They're always going to be the good guys.

00:48:31.000 Yeah, they target the guys who are for peace and love and change.

00:48:33.000 Of course!

00:48:34.000 Right?

00:48:35.000 Yeah.

00:48:35.000 But they went after Reagan.

00:48:37.000 I wonder, Reagan might have been...

00:48:39.000 Maybe that was a random thing.

00:48:41.000 Maybe that really wasn't planned because he didn't die.

00:48:44.000 Or maybe they were just sending him a message.

00:48:46.000 Oh!

00:48:47.000 I remember watching that on TV going, God damn, they shot that actor dude who's now the president.

00:48:54.000 Somebody has a joke about him and Leslie.

00:48:58.000 If he never became president, he would have the same career that Leslie Nielsen had.

00:49:04.000 I forget whose fucking joke it is.

00:49:06.000 Oh, that's brilliant.

00:49:07.000 It's so true.

00:49:08.000 Bedtime for Bonzo.

00:49:09.000 Did you ever see that?

00:49:11.000 I don't know.

00:49:12.000 I mean, I'm familiar with it.

00:49:14.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:49:15.000 He did a couple.

00:49:16.000 There's a couple Bonzo movies, aren't there?

00:49:18.000 I think so.

00:49:19.000 I don't know.

00:49:20.000 I don't know.

00:49:21.000 I've watched like five seconds of it and go, what the fuck is going on?

00:49:24.000 I think he's in more than one monkey movie.

00:49:25.000 It just shouldn't be legal that if you're a person who is a professional pretender that you go on to be the guy who tells the truth to the nation.

00:49:32.000 That just seems ridiculous.

00:49:33.000 You're like really awesome at lying.

00:49:35.000 Yeah, well, it was just like, I don't think, now him, I don't think he made one decision the whole time.

00:49:40.000 I think there were people, there was like Dick Cheney was telling him what to say.

00:49:43.000 Like there was a commission of fucking assholes who were like, alright, this is what we're doing.

00:49:47.000 Here's the script.

00:49:49.000 You're an actor!

00:49:50.000 Act!

00:49:50.000 You know what I loved?

00:49:51.000 Kick him out through the door.

00:49:53.000 He's responsible for one little speech that is one of my favorite speeches of any president.

00:49:58.000 Because he talks about how would we respond if we were all on this earth facing a threat from another world.

00:50:05.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:50:06.000 How would we respond?

00:50:07.000 How quickly would we forget our differences?

00:50:09.000 I'm like, damn.

00:50:10.000 That's brilliant.

00:50:12.000 It's so true.

00:50:12.000 It's a great speech.

00:50:13.000 And it makes you go, what the fuck does he know?

00:50:16.000 Well, yeah.

00:50:17.000 He was really into the fucking Star Wars shit, too.

00:50:20.000 He wanted to make that missile defense system start.

00:50:23.000 Maybe the aliens were like, hey, man, we're going to fuck with you guys soon.

00:50:27.000 I don't know.

00:50:27.000 Who knows what's going on with all that?

00:50:29.000 Didn't George Lucas, during the Star Wars thing, go, hey, this is copyright infringement.

00:50:33.000 Did he?

00:50:35.000 Why were they allowed to call it Star Wars program?

00:50:38.000 I guess because they're not...

00:50:40.000 They're allowed to do anything they want?

00:50:41.000 I don't know.

00:50:42.000 They're a government.

00:50:43.000 But they're not doing it for profit.

00:50:46.000 Yeah.

00:50:47.000 You know, it's a defense...

00:50:48.000 You know, there's some big conspiracy theory about people who created Star Wars, the strategic defense system Star Wars, that it was all bullshit, and that the scientists, one by one, have been killed off.

00:51:03.000 Apparently, 22 different scientists who worked on it were killed in strange ways.

00:51:09.000 Are you serious?

00:51:10.000 Asphyxiation, suffocation, decapitation, death leap, death leap, shotgun blast, missing person, auto accident...

00:51:17.000 Over and over again, all these different scientists.

00:51:19.000 I don't want this knowledge.

00:51:21.000 According to the internet.

00:51:23.000 Oh.

00:51:24.000 It's corroborated by more than one dude.

00:51:27.000 The first thing I went to on Google.

00:51:30.000 I'm going to regurgitate that as fact.

00:51:32.000 Just go for it, dude.

00:51:33.000 22. 22 SDI researchers all supposedly committed suicide.

00:51:38.000 22 out of how many?

00:51:39.000 That's a good question.

00:51:40.000 But 22 period.

00:51:41.000 That's a lot.

00:51:42.000 Let's say if there's a hundred.

00:51:44.000 If comedians started dying like that, I'd fucking skip town.

00:51:49.000 Yeah, that would be gross.

00:51:50.000 Would it be hundreds?

00:51:51.000 How many people you would think that would be?

00:51:54.000 What?

00:51:54.000 If they did that.

00:51:59.000 If they started killing comedians?

00:52:01.000 Yeah.

00:52:01.000 Oh, I was just saying if 22 comedians died in suspicious ways, I would fucking, you know, that's too big of a number for one.

00:52:08.000 But out of all the...

00:52:09.000 I would get a puppet immediately.

00:52:11.000 Out of all the scientists that were involved, no, no, I'm sorry, my question was, do you think there was like 300 guys?

00:52:14.000 How many different guys do you think were working for this Star Wars company?

00:52:18.000 Was it a thousand?

00:52:19.000 I would say thousands.

00:52:20.000 Yeah, I would say thousands.

00:52:21.000 But that would be from this janitor.

00:52:24.000 22 killed themselves, man?

00:52:26.000 Yeah.

00:52:27.000 Or just disappear.

00:52:28.000 As the number becomes bigger and bigger, it becomes more and more silly.

00:52:31.000 You start looking at it, you go, well, there was a million scientists, 22 killed themselves.

00:52:35.000 But there's not a bunch of them.

00:52:36.000 There wouldn't be that many that had crazy...

00:52:40.000 Not everybody has, like, crazy security levels.

00:52:43.000 Like, you wouldn't have to kill everybody.

00:52:44.000 Like, every guy that's screwed in a fucking light bulb.

00:52:46.000 Well, maybe you would, though.

00:52:47.000 Because maybe what was going on was so fucking obvious, you had a clean house.

00:52:52.000 This is the conspiracy theorator in me.

00:52:54.000 Step back and do my Alex Jones voice.

00:52:57.000 What we've got here is a situation where special ops, what they're doing is they're victimizing innocent people...

00:53:06.000 That's fucking good, man!

00:53:08.000 Thank you.

00:53:09.000 Did you hear 100% of the scientists that created Crystal Pepsi died?

00:53:14.000 Shut the fuck up.

00:53:17.000 Could you imagine if that is true?

00:53:19.000 We know there's 22 scientists that died.

00:53:22.000 We need to find out how many there were.

00:53:24.000 Make a documentary.

00:53:25.000 Did you hear about the collider thing?

00:53:27.000 I should go to Snopes for all this.

00:53:29.000 That's what I should do.

00:53:30.000 The guy that said he's from the future?

00:53:32.000 What's that?

00:53:33.000 That was arrested at the collider last week.

00:53:36.000 What?

00:53:36.000 Yeah, some guy was arrested at the, what's it called?

00:53:39.000 The hydrogen?

00:53:39.000 Large Hadron Collider.

00:53:41.000 Yeah, he was arrested because, I don't know what he was doing, but he said he was from the future.

00:53:46.000 Oh, what a dummy.

00:53:47.000 Oh, that's funny.

00:53:48.000 Was he just crazy or was he from the future?

00:53:50.000 I don't know.

00:53:51.000 I just saw it headlined.

00:53:52.000 What a goofy fuck.

00:53:53.000 That's a funny idea, show up there in a silver suit.

00:53:57.000 Yeah, you just have to ask him a few more questions and it'll be pretty clear.

00:54:02.000 Oh, you come from the future.

00:54:04.000 Okay.

00:54:04.000 Want to elaborate?

00:54:06.000 There was one guy who had a website.

00:54:08.000 There was a...

00:54:09.000 Fuck, I forget the scam.

00:54:12.000 Titor somewhere?

00:54:14.000 I think they were calling themselves something Titor from the future.

00:54:17.000 They had this whole John Titor, T-I-T-O-R, and some whole thing about how he described how...

00:54:27.000 No, John Cusack, bro.

00:54:49.000 Huh?

00:54:49.000 No, they have Nicolas Cage.

00:54:50.000 They have John Cusack because he never looks any older.

00:54:53.000 Oh, you know what?

00:54:54.000 I'm sorry.

00:54:54.000 No, not even John Cusack.

00:54:56.000 The other dude from The Matrix.

00:54:57.000 Keanu Reeves.

00:54:58.000 Keanu Reeves.

00:54:59.000 They have him in The Time Machine.

00:55:01.000 They're always saying that he's a vampire because he never gets old.

00:55:04.000 Yeah, he's a beautiful man.

00:55:06.000 It's like 50. Johnny Depp's holding up okay, isn't he?

00:55:08.000 He's holding up pretty goddamn good.

00:55:09.000 Is that like they both have kind of Indian blood in them, right?

00:55:11.000 You know what that's from?

00:55:11.000 Fresh pussy.

00:55:13.000 Like vampires.

00:55:14.000 Like vampires.

00:55:15.000 The pussy that's constantly swan diving under their cock every time they poke it out the house for some air.

00:55:21.000 Put it through their mail slot.

00:55:23.000 Nicolas Cage might be a vampire.

00:55:25.000 Or so one believer says, oh, there's a photo from an old-ass photo that looks like Nicolas Cage.

00:55:31.000 Yeah, it's creepy.

00:55:32.000 Wow, that's pretty dope.

00:55:34.000 He's in a movie called Vampire's Kiss that's pretty funny.

00:55:39.000 He's the Ghost Rider, bro.

00:55:41.000 Did you see Ghost Rider?

00:55:42.000 Never saw that.

00:55:43.000 Is that good?

00:55:43.000 No, it's terrible.

00:55:44.000 But it's good if you're high and you know it's terrible.

00:55:47.000 If you're ready for a terrible fucking ghost motorcycle superhero movie, yeah.

00:55:53.000 You have little girls, right?

00:55:54.000 Yeah.

00:55:55.000 Did you ever watch The Tooth Fairy with The Rock?

00:55:58.000 The Tooth Fairy with The Rock?

00:55:59.000 No, I missed that one.

00:56:02.000 I watched that, man.

00:56:03.000 Why did you watch that?

00:56:04.000 Because it was like late.

00:56:06.000 I took mushrooms with my friend.

00:56:07.000 And it was just that kind of like after we're done tripping, but we're still like, you know, up and hanging out.

00:56:13.000 And that was coming on HBO. And we're like, fuck it, let's watch it.

00:56:16.000 It's probably good for a few laughs.

00:56:18.000 And we had to rewind it like 40 minutes in because we couldn't follow what was going on.

00:56:24.000 Like, it's baffling.

00:56:25.000 Like, there's so many holes in it.

00:56:27.000 Like, he has this relationship with this woman.

00:56:30.000 But you don't know if they're married and there's these kids.

00:56:33.000 It's weird.

00:56:34.000 You don't know his relationship.

00:56:35.000 It's not his wife and kids, but he's hanging around there and he never kisses the woman.

00:56:45.000 It's never really clear on why he turns into a tooth fairy.

00:56:48.000 He says something like, yeah, the tooth fairy's bullshit, kid.

00:56:51.000 At one point.

00:56:53.000 And then all of a sudden he's in this weird tooth fairy land.

00:56:57.000 Yeah.

00:56:58.000 And he's got to be the Tooth Fairy.

00:57:00.000 It's kind of like it's...

00:57:02.000 It sounds awesome.

00:57:03.000 And then Billy Crystal makes an appearance, and I totally called it, like, because he, like, goes through Tooth Fairy training, you know, learns how to fly, all fucking bumping into it.

00:57:11.000 What?

00:57:12.000 There's a Tooth Fairy training?

00:57:13.000 Well, yeah, it's like, yeah, it's like, you know...

00:57:15.000 Where's Tooth Fairy land?

00:57:17.000 In his brain.

00:57:18.000 He probably just got hit on the head or something, and this was all in his head.

00:57:22.000 That was really the plot?

00:57:24.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:57:25.000 And then he turns into the Tooth Fairy, and then we're watching it, and I was like, all right, Billy Crystal's old Jew character is going to make an appearance, or Whoopi Goldberg, or somebody like that.

00:57:42.000 And then fucking right there, Billy Crystal comes down this ladder like, okay, hold your horses, hold your...

00:57:47.000 And he gives him some books on how to be a Tooth Fairy, and...

00:57:51.000 And then he turns into the Tooth Fairy randomly, albeit out in public, and the wings just spur it out.

00:58:00.000 I feel like I'm losing momentum with trying to sell this shitty movie.

00:58:03.000 No, dude, you've got me in a trance.

00:58:05.000 You've got me in a trance.

00:58:06.000 That sounds ridiculous.

00:58:07.000 It's really absurd.

00:58:09.000 But when you have kids, you understand ridiculous and absurd.

00:58:11.000 It'll keep them quiet, man.

00:58:12.000 Oh, it keeps moving, but there aren't a lot of dots connected.

00:58:16.000 We're like, wait, how do we get from here?

00:58:17.000 It's like, oh, you just needed to get from here to here.

00:58:20.000 And you just did it.

00:58:20.000 And so you just put some thing in the middle.

00:58:22.000 Yeah.

00:58:23.000 Yeah, it's really like...

00:58:24.000 Now I'm going to see it.

00:58:26.000 And I'm going to be waiting for that.

00:58:27.000 I'm going to be waiting for the whole...

00:58:29.000 Oh, it's riddled.

00:58:31.000 Are you doing something positive?

00:58:31.000 I'm trying to open another root beer barrel, but I can't figure out how.

00:58:35.000 Oh, you silly, silly man.

00:58:37.000 Can't figure it out.

00:58:38.000 We've got to change these microphones.

00:58:39.000 These microphones are too goddamn sensitive.

00:58:41.000 You're doing it down by your dick, and we're hearing it as if you're crackling.

00:58:44.000 Yeah, I know.

00:58:45.000 Sorry.

00:58:46.000 These are the bags, the volcano bags.

00:58:48.000 I gave up on that volcano.

00:58:50.000 Well, most people shouldn't be trying to open a hard candy during a...

00:58:54.000 What'd you say, Brian?

00:58:55.000 That kind of mic would be worse, though.

00:58:56.000 Oh, really?

00:58:57.000 Why?

00:58:57.000 Yeah, because you're supposed to talk into it.

00:58:59.000 Yeah, but these are picking up everything in the room, dude.

00:59:01.000 That does it times a million.

00:59:03.000 No, no, no.

00:59:04.000 That's less.

00:59:04.000 That's less, Brian.

00:59:05.000 Those are more vocal mics.

00:59:06.000 Oh, really?

00:59:07.000 Yeah, that's less.

00:59:08.000 No, we tried it, remember?

00:59:09.000 It picked up way less ambient noise.

00:59:11.000 That's our next move as we expand.

00:59:13.000 We're going to move this thing out, too.

00:59:14.000 I'm going to get an office space.

00:59:16.000 At the Ice House, right?

00:59:17.000 Well, we're going to do that, too.

00:59:18.000 We're going to do that, too.

00:59:20.000 But what we're going to do with the Ice House is we want to set it up so that comics getting offstage and going onstage can have a little different podcast.

00:59:27.000 Not my podcast, but we're going to call it an evening at the Ice House.

00:59:31.000 Whatever comic is there, within reason.

00:59:33.000 They host it or whatever?

00:59:35.000 Yeah, whoever's there.

00:59:37.000 Yeah, if Brian's in town, he'll sit on it.

00:59:40.000 Whoever the fuck is in town, and we just keep rotating comics.

00:59:44.000 I'll do it.

00:59:45.000 Yeah, it'll be awesome.

00:59:46.000 It'll be great for all of us.

00:59:47.000 That'll be a lot of fun.

00:59:48.000 No, that whole night with the stuff that you and Al were talking about, it's exciting.

00:59:52.000 It's great, right?

00:59:53.000 Yeah.

00:59:54.000 We want to go there.

00:59:54.000 There's a place, the Ice House in Pasadena.

00:59:56.000 It's this really cool old club that's been around for like 35 years.

00:59:59.000 And they have this little tiny room.

01:00:01.000 They just have like their 50th anniversary.

01:00:03.000 Wow!

01:00:03.000 That's insane.

01:00:04.000 That's the oldest one, right?

01:00:05.000 Yeah.

01:00:05.000 That's insane.

01:00:06.000 Fifty years.

01:00:07.000 The Smothers Brothers and shit performed there.

01:00:09.000 Goddamn.

01:00:09.000 There are a lot of albums recorded there.

01:00:10.000 Like if you were to a thrift store and go through old comedy albums.

01:00:13.000 That's amazing.

01:00:14.000 Pat Paulson.

01:00:14.000 It's a great, great club.

01:00:15.000 And there's two rooms.

01:00:16.000 There's the big room, which is very small.

01:00:18.000 It's only 185 people.

01:00:20.000 And then there's the...someone around there, right?

01:00:22.000 185, 190, something like that.

01:00:23.000 That's about right.

01:00:24.000 Perfect size room, by the way.

01:00:25.000 Amazing setup.

01:00:27.000 It's an amazing setup.

01:00:27.000 And then there's another room that's really small.

01:00:29.000 It's only like 85 people.

01:00:30.000 It's 90. 90 people?

01:00:31.000 Yeah.

01:00:32.000 And we've been doing that.

01:00:33.000 We've been doing some sets there.

01:00:35.000 Brendan and I and Brian.

01:00:36.000 We have one Friday.

01:00:37.000 Al Magical came down and Ari went up.

01:00:40.000 Sam.

01:00:40.000 And you guys have one this Friday too?

01:00:41.000 Yeah, we have it every Friday.

01:00:42.000 Yeah, and we're going to start doing that on a regular basis.

01:00:45.000 And as soon as I'm done with this Fear Factor stuff, which should be pretty soon, then we're going to move forward in different dynamic podcast directions.

01:00:53.000 So we'll call it an evening at the Ice House or something along those lines.

01:00:56.000 Did we ever talk about that?

01:00:57.000 Remember when we brought up how David Letterman's social security number was on the wall?

01:01:02.000 Yeah, we didn't.

01:01:02.000 And we went there like the following day.

01:01:04.000 Yeah, we don't know whether or not that really is still his social security number, whether they changed it.

01:01:09.000 Well, they put it back up.

01:01:10.000 I was there just a few days ago or whatever.

01:01:12.000 Did they block it out?

01:01:13.000 Yeah, they made a copy of it and it looks like the real one or they did something.

01:01:17.000 It's gone now though.

01:01:18.000 Well, we pointed it out to them.

01:01:20.000 We're like, you know, you can see David Letterman's social security number on this contract.

01:01:24.000 And they were like, no way.

01:01:26.000 Oh, there's a picture of his contract?

01:01:28.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:01:29.000 Like, lookie, we paid him.

01:01:31.000 Oh, okay, near the bathroom.

01:01:33.000 Yes, yes.

01:01:33.000 There were a couple different ones.

01:01:35.000 Okay.

01:01:35.000 Yeah, and that one actually has a social security number on it.

01:01:38.000 That's insane.

01:01:39.000 Yeah, it's ridiculous.

01:01:41.000 It steals identity.

01:01:42.000 Yeah.

01:01:43.000 Well, that's what Brian already did.

01:01:44.000 Yeah.

01:01:45.000 He's trying to like...

01:01:45.000 Can you do that shit?

01:01:47.000 Like viruses and shit?

01:01:49.000 Like how?

01:01:49.000 I assume anybody who knows anything about computers can like hack and all my shit.

01:01:54.000 Because I don't know anything.

01:01:55.000 I'm really naive.

01:01:57.000 I could do dumb shit.

01:01:59.000 Just tricky shit.

01:02:00.000 There's kids right now that are growing up from the time they're little kids.

01:02:06.000 They've been hacking into the registry and fucking with things and reading on forums and finding out how to do things and working on coding.

01:02:15.000 There's wizards out there, man.

01:02:17.000 They speak a language that we can't even fucking wrap our heads around.

01:02:21.000 There was a documentary on one small area, I think it was of Russia, I forget what eastern block country it was, but they had this one town where they have a disproportionate amount of internet scammers.

01:02:33.000 And virus makers and people stealing credit card numbers and they were all just driving Mercedes back and forth.

01:02:39.000 Really?

01:02:39.000 Yeah, all these computer people.

01:02:41.000 They just fucking hacked the matrix.

01:02:42.000 They found an area where oil would come up.

01:02:46.000 They drilled into it and then oil was coming up in their one spot.

01:02:49.000 It's amazing.

01:02:51.000 Wow.

01:02:52.000 And it's all just identity theft and shit?

01:02:54.000 There's a lot of that going on, for sure.

01:02:56.000 There's a lot of, I mean, cybercrime.

01:02:58.000 I would like to know the statistics of what, you know, what has happened since the internet existed.

01:03:03.000 Like, is crime up?

01:03:04.000 Is crime down?

01:03:05.000 What kind of crime is more prevalent now that there's, you know, little online things that can rip people off?

01:03:12.000 Yeah.

01:03:13.000 Probably some, like...

01:03:15.000 I don't know.

01:03:16.000 You're not leaving a paper trail with anything, so if you just go in and move numbers from one place to another...

01:03:21.000 It just would scare the fucking shit out of me to think that you would have anything important online, you know?

01:03:26.000 Yeah, I'm pretty...

01:03:27.000 I mean, I guess that's one good thing of not really being a techie.

01:03:31.000 Like, I don't get excited about it.

01:03:32.000 I don't have anything...

01:03:34.000 Somebody could steal my laptop tomorrow and they wouldn't really know any more about me than if they stole one of my notebooks.

01:03:39.000 Yeah.

01:03:40.000 I always look at websites that are up and I say, these are only up because someone didn't target you.

01:03:45.000 That's it.

01:03:46.000 Right.

01:03:46.000 It's not like you could do anything about it.

01:03:49.000 What are you going to do about it?

01:03:50.000 You're not going to do shit.

01:03:51.000 It's like there's a wild west out there in some ways.

01:03:54.000 I mean, they can track some people down if they're really sloppy and they find out people that do certain things that shouldn't be doing.

01:04:00.000 But for the most part, it's pretty fucking crazy, you know?

01:04:03.000 Well, those guys, like the Anonymous and LulzSec.

01:04:08.000 Yeah.

01:04:09.000 I was pretty amused by what they were doing.

01:04:11.000 It's fascinating, right?

01:04:11.000 But it is pretty scary where it's like, oh, fuck.

01:04:13.000 Those guys, if they can fuck with Sony for like a week, what could they do to me?

01:04:19.000 They're putting some of those dudes in jail, though.

01:04:21.000 It's going to be an interesting story.

01:04:22.000 Well, that's the other thing.

01:04:22.000 You're going to get fucking...

01:04:23.000 You don't get away with that kind of shit.

01:04:25.000 This is going to be like a bad...

01:04:26.000 Government agencies.

01:04:27.000 Yeah.

01:04:28.000 It's going to be a badass documentary that we'll be able to watch in like 10 years.

01:04:32.000 Yeah.

01:04:32.000 Like, have you ever watched a documentary on the Weather Underground?

01:04:35.000 Yeah, I saw it, yeah.

01:04:36.000 Radical hippie movement in the 60s, wanted to get rid of the government.

01:04:39.000 It's a fascinating fucking documentary.

01:04:41.000 That's what this is going to be like.

01:04:43.000 Yeah.

01:04:43.000 You know?

01:04:44.000 A decade from now, when we're even more oppressed, we'll look back at the time that the internet almost rose against...

01:04:51.000 Before they instituted the censorship on the internet.

01:04:54.000 That would really lock everything down.

01:04:56.000 That would either lock everything down or cause a civil war.

01:04:59.000 That would be the final push.

01:05:01.000 If the government regulated the internet the way the FCC regulates television or the way they regulate radio or anything.

01:05:09.000 If they told you what you could and couldn't put out there.

01:05:12.000 Because that's where it all got out of hand.

01:05:14.000 Everything was doing great until the 80s, and the 90s came along, and all of a sudden, people were getting their information from different places.

01:05:23.000 They were getting it from a fucking computer.

01:05:25.000 But with that WikiLeaks guy, I mean, aren't they essentially like, it's like, you can't really put everyone out there.

01:05:31.000 Well, they locked that guy up, and they gave that guy some sort of a house arrest deal where he had to show up at the police station and check himself in every day.

01:05:39.000 And from what I understand, he's trying to fight being extradited.

01:05:42.000 He doesn't want to have to leave the country.

01:05:45.000 I have no idea what the fuck happened, but I do think that I don't believe that this would happen this way if he wasn't that guy.

01:05:52.000 I think it seems pretty obvious that someone's targeting him.

01:05:55.000 It doesn't seem kosher to me.

01:06:00.000 I don't believe she's even saying it was really rape.

01:06:03.000 It was by some really broad definition of rape, like regret afterwards or something like that, the feeling of being deceived or something along those lines.

01:06:11.000 She changed her mind when he was finishing up or whatever.

01:06:15.000 Something along those lines, right?

01:06:17.000 And he was already inside of her and he didn't want to stop or something.

01:06:19.000 But he was already on the run.

01:06:21.000 He was already wanted when all that happened, I thought.

01:06:25.000 Was he?

01:06:25.000 Yeah.

01:06:26.000 It's just fascinating how...

01:06:29.000 You're not allowed to release information unless you're the New York Times or CNN or an established news organization slash corporation that we can trust.

01:06:41.000 You're not allowed to just release that.

01:06:46.000 What would the New York Times do if it was given that information?

01:06:50.000 If it was given all the WikiLeaks documents, if someone came along and said, listen, here's a gigantic file, you're going to fucking shit your pants, this is all a bunch of shit that I took from U.S. data banks, and it's going to blow the hole on this whole Iraq War thing, and there's a lot of things in it that's going to really disturb the shit out of people when they find out about real relationships between different foreign countries and different things that we're doing in all sorts of different parts of the world.

01:07:14.000 What do you think would happen?

01:07:16.000 I don't think that would get released through a real mainstream news.

01:07:20.000 Do you think the New York Times would go, get the fuck out of here, we're not releasing this?

01:07:23.000 Or give it back to the government?

01:07:24.000 I think so.

01:07:25.000 I think, yeah, they would.

01:07:27.000 Because it wasn't their property?

01:07:28.000 I don't know.

01:07:28.000 Is that a law?

01:07:30.000 I think that they're dealing with a business, so that they don't want to fuck up and ruin the business.

01:07:34.000 Would it be stolen information, so there it would be illegal contraband or something along those lines, because it's top secret?

01:07:41.000 I think the government would just come and confiscate it.

01:07:43.000 Somebody would call somebody and the government would be like, you have what?

01:07:46.000 We're sending someone right down.

01:07:48.000 Is that ever going to change?

01:07:51.000 Is that ever going to get to the point where that doesn't happen anymore?

01:07:53.000 Is that like a remnant of the old days that's slowly starting to work its way out to the point where police aren't going to have that kind of absolute power anymore?

01:08:03.000 Is that possible?

01:08:05.000 I don't think so.

01:08:07.000 Really?

01:08:07.000 No.

01:08:08.000 It's going to get worse, right?

01:08:09.000 Does it get worse as the population increases?

01:08:12.000 Well, it's like that Orwell quote of the future.

01:08:14.000 If you want a picture of the future, imagine a boot standing on somebody's neck forever.

01:08:20.000 Something like that.

01:08:21.000 Whoa, Orwell was a drag.

01:08:23.000 Imagine getting high with Orwell.

01:08:26.000 Dude, you are fucking killing me with this boot neck thing.

01:08:29.000 Why don't you just go to a massage par and get jerked off?

01:08:32.000 You know, just a wonderful feeling of warm oil on your balls.

01:08:37.000 Just sweet release.

01:08:38.000 You don't have to think about boots and necks.

01:08:40.000 We're well needed.

01:08:41.000 It's not all boots and necks, you fucking dramatic cocksucker.

01:08:44.000 Well, I mean, he wrote Animal Farm in 1984. Oh, he was brilliant.

01:08:47.000 In like the 40s.

01:08:48.000 When I say dramatic cocksucker, I mean it with all due respect.

01:08:52.000 He actually predicted a lot of shit that went down that, you know, was essentially science fiction at the time.

01:08:58.000 Yeah.

01:08:59.000 It's amazing, you know.

01:09:01.000 I mean, the internet, essentially, I mean, you could argue that, you know, that screen that everybody had in their apartments in 1984. Was 1984 supposed to be the year where this story took place?

01:09:15.000 Is that what the premise is?

01:09:16.000 Yeah.

01:09:16.000 Isn't it amazing when you look back, like, on space 1999?

01:09:19.000 They thought that by 1999, we'd be, like, fucking living on other planets.

01:09:23.000 Oh, in 2010!

01:09:24.000 Da-da-da-da-da-da!

01:09:26.000 Yeah.

01:09:27.000 You know?

01:09:27.000 2010 was the year they made contact, right?

01:09:29.000 And 2001 is space, obviously.

01:09:31.000 Yeah.

01:09:32.000 That's like...

01:09:32.000 2010, they thought, this is ridiculously far in the future.

01:09:35.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:09:36.000 This is so far in the future that we're never going to have to worry about that.

01:09:39.000 We'll just make our money now, and we'll probably be right when 2001 rolls along.

01:09:43.000 Oh, nothing!

01:09:44.000 Yeah.

01:09:45.000 No, no fucking space travel at all.

01:09:46.000 I don't know, though, man.

01:09:47.000 Like, I was at...

01:09:48.000 That's the one area, though, where we grossly overestimated how far we would advance.

01:09:53.000 Space travel.

01:09:54.000 Well, there's unmanned space shit out there.

01:09:56.000 And there's the space station with people on it right now.

01:09:59.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:10:00.000 But Space 1999?

01:10:03.000 They were living on fucking...

01:10:05.000 They were shooting lasers at people.

01:10:07.000 They were like Jetsons cars.

01:10:08.000 I mean, Space 1999, didn't they have battles?

01:10:12.000 With other fucking aliens and shit?

01:10:15.000 I'm pretty sure they did.

01:10:17.000 Probably.

01:10:17.000 I'm pretty sure they did.

01:10:18.000 Oh, yeah.

01:10:19.000 No, that was the future.

01:10:20.000 That's a Prince song, bitch.

01:10:23.000 It's a ridiculous space in 1999. Those smart cars are pretty futuristic looking.

01:10:29.000 Well, you know, Obama just passed some new legislation saying that by, I think it's 2025...

01:10:36.000 of a car has to be some insane number.

01:10:40.000 It's like 50 plus miles per gallon.

01:10:43.000 And that's what's going to be the standard average per corporation.

01:10:47.000 You could have one stupid car.

01:10:49.000 You could have one Mustang GT with a fucking giant engine that eats gas.

01:10:54.000 Yeah.

01:10:55.000 As long as you had a slew of electric cars that got like 90 miles to the gallon.

01:10:59.000 Sort of balance it out.

01:11:00.000 That's a good idea.

01:11:00.000 For the Mustang.

01:11:01.000 Yeah, it's kind of interesting.

01:11:02.000 Did you ever see that documentary, Who Killed the Electric Car?

01:11:05.000 Yes, I did.

01:11:06.000 Oh, that was pretty interesting.

01:11:08.000 Fascinating.

01:11:09.000 Yeah.

01:11:09.000 I mean, they had a pretty decent electric car back in like 86. Yeah.

01:11:14.000 And then they just took them all and destroyed them.

01:11:18.000 That's fishy.

01:11:19.000 Yeah.

01:11:20.000 Yeah.

01:11:21.000 Well, I mean, conspiracies are real, man.

01:11:23.000 You know, Enron, the smartest man in the room.

01:11:26.000 Do you ever watch that documentary?

01:11:27.000 Conspiracies are fucking real.

01:11:29.000 Okay, yeah, they definitely went to war because I'm looking on Space 1999 in Wikipedia.

01:11:34.000 Was that a show?

01:11:35.000 So I was shooting lasers at them.

01:11:36.000 Yeah.

01:11:36.000 Yeah, Space 1999. You didn't know that was a show?

01:11:39.000 I thought maybe it was like...

01:11:41.000 Oh, when I was saying that, it was a show that I used to watch when I was a kid.

01:11:43.000 Oh, no, I thought it was kind of a more...

01:11:45.000 Yeah, I was lost on that.

01:11:46.000 Oh, my God.

01:11:47.000 Just like the idea of the future.

01:11:48.000 Really, they were so optimistic.

01:11:50.000 This is how crazy they were.

01:11:51.000 Because we had just gone to the moon, you know, supposedly.

01:11:53.000 And it's 1975, so did they just stop the Apollo program in 72?

01:11:57.000 So in 1999, they thought we would be fucking going to war.

01:12:02.000 But that was only 20 years!

01:12:03.000 Yeah.

01:12:03.000 They were only guessing 24 years in the future.

01:12:07.000 In 24 years, they thought, well, dude, we finally landed on the moon.

01:12:11.000 Remember when we invented cars?

01:12:12.000 Now look what we drive.

01:12:14.000 They finally landed on the moon?

01:12:15.000 Listen, dude, by the time 1999 rolls around, we're going to be going to battle in space.

01:12:20.000 So these fucking people were living in uniforms.

01:12:23.000 They had outfits and shit.

01:12:24.000 That was the other hallmark of the future.

01:12:26.000 Everybody wore the same clothes.

01:12:27.000 That's how you knew it was the future.

01:12:29.000 Future or aliens.

01:12:30.000 They're all wearing the same clothes.

01:12:32.000 Yeah, well, I mean, Walmart, Target.

01:12:36.000 That is a fascinating thing.

01:12:37.000 They're just not all matching silver jumpsuits.

01:12:40.000 Most people are getting their clothes from the same four places, probably.

01:12:44.000 Old Navy.

01:12:45.000 It's amazing that they missed so badly.

01:12:48.000 1999, they were so optimistic.

01:12:51.000 2001, so optimistic.

01:12:53.000 A lot of things got it right though.

01:12:54.000 That old ride at Walt Disney World in the future where it was like this thing where you just sat there and watched what the future is supposed to be like.

01:13:04.000 If you look at it now, it's pretty crazy how similar it is.

01:13:07.000 Do you remember Alien?

01:13:09.000 You remember the Nostromo when they're in their ship and he's working on the computer?

01:13:13.000 It looks so fucking bad.

01:13:15.000 Oh yeah, that's funny.

01:13:16.000 I love that.

01:13:17.000 The shit computer you have.

01:13:19.000 What is this piece of shit with its green fucking letters?

01:13:22.000 It's green lit up letters.

01:13:25.000 It looks so stupid.

01:13:27.000 And the printer paper still has the holes on the side of it.

01:13:31.000 Yeah, shit.

01:13:33.000 This is the year 3000. Kirk out.

01:13:36.000 He didn't even have a cell phone, right?

01:13:37.000 He had walkie-talkies.

01:13:39.000 But the Nostromo, the fucking computer, man, they missed so badly.

01:13:43.000 But there's like, now we're at a point where we can imitate shit.

01:13:47.000 They can predict things a little.

01:13:48.000 Like, I think, you know, it seems like a lot of the...

01:13:49.000 The Tom Cruise, what was that movie?

01:13:51.000 Minority Report.

01:13:52.000 Minority Report.

01:13:52.000 Yeah, that shit is sort of coming to the line.

01:13:53.000 I've seen that shit in other movies, too, so maybe that's the way things are headed.

01:13:57.000 When I swipe my iPhone, when I'm going through contacts or when I'm going through email, I think of it that way.

01:14:04.000 I'm like, this is amazing.

01:14:05.000 These things are amazing.

01:14:06.000 I'm sliding this thing back and forth with my fingers.

01:14:08.000 And then iPads, the same thing.

01:14:10.000 I read books on the iPad, and when you turn the page, you slowly slide your finger.

01:14:14.000 It slowly curls the page over and then rolls to the next page.

01:14:19.000 Whoa!

01:14:21.000 This is some freaky fucking futuristic shit.

01:14:24.000 We're getting it right now.

01:14:25.000 I went to a concert a couple weeks ago, and I went to smoke a cigarette and was looking at the whole crowd in the Hollywood Bowl, and you just see all these little light-up things.

01:14:36.000 Yeah, and it's like, that's kind of crazy, man.

01:14:38.000 And it happened so quickly.

01:14:40.000 It's amazing.

01:14:40.000 Really, ten years ago, you didn't see...

01:14:42.000 I was typing an email today, and I was on the iPhone, and I was just thinking about how crazy it is that you could just touch these little spots.

01:14:50.000 I think about that.

01:14:50.000 It knows pretty much what letter you're trying to say.

01:14:53.000 And then you can just swipe your finger and it spins through all your pictures and spins through all your music.

01:14:59.000 This is nuts, man.

01:15:00.000 This is so specific, too.

01:15:02.000 It's so accurate.

01:15:03.000 Joe, you've got to try out this thing called Spotify.

01:15:07.000 It's kind of like Rhapsody.

01:15:08.000 It's all you can eat, any kind of music.

01:15:10.000 For $10, you get all the music you want, pretty much.

01:15:13.000 So for $10, one-time fee?

01:15:15.000 No, every month.

01:15:16.000 $10 a month.

01:15:17.000 Ten dollars a month from music.

01:15:18.000 Yeah, but you sit there and you just have access to pretty much any song ever.

01:15:22.000 Boy done lost his mind.

01:15:23.000 I don't really understand the service, but yeah, for ten dollars a month you can put in like Rolling Stones and every Rolling Stones song will come up and you can download them.

01:15:33.000 But what's cool is whoever has it connected to their Facebook, like a lot of your friends, like Duncan is a perfect example.

01:15:40.000 You can see His whole entire music, like, what he likes, what he listens to.

01:15:45.000 So you can just, like, if you're looking for new music, you can see what Joey Diaz is looking at.

01:15:48.000 You just, like, look at all his music.

01:15:50.000 It's pretty cool.

01:15:51.000 I would try it out.

01:15:51.000 But you can download their music, too.

01:15:53.000 And you can also download it on your phone.

01:15:55.000 You'd be like, oh, Duncan has that album.

01:15:56.000 I want it.

01:15:57.000 And you can put it on an iPhone, you can put it on an iPod, and you keep it?

01:16:00.000 Well, the thing is, the Spotify, it's like your iTunes, but it's held at some server somewhere.

01:16:05.000 Yeah, but I think there's a way to also download the tracks.

01:16:08.000 So, like, if you have offline modes.

01:16:10.000 Oh, yeah.

01:16:10.000 So, like, if you just pick what things you want, it will download the tracks onto your iPhone.

01:16:15.000 That's annoying.

01:16:16.000 It's pretty cool.

01:16:17.000 I would want it on my iPod.

01:16:18.000 I might get into it.

01:16:19.000 I want it on my hard drive.

01:16:20.000 I want a physical...

01:16:21.000 I think you can do that.

01:16:22.000 Really?

01:16:23.000 Yeah, I think so.

01:16:23.000 As long as you can do that.

01:16:24.000 Yeah, you can put it on your computer, your iPad, your phone.

01:16:27.000 It doesn't have to be connected to the internet to use it.

01:16:29.000 No, you can download it.

01:16:31.000 You have to be connected to the internet at some point.

01:16:33.000 To get it.

01:16:34.000 Yeah, to get it.

01:16:34.000 To get the music.

01:16:35.000 Right, right.

01:16:36.000 And do you just refresh and just...

01:16:38.000 It just saves it onto your device.

01:16:40.000 Oh, okay.

01:16:41.000 So it is just like downloading it.

01:16:42.000 Yeah.

01:16:43.000 I'm confused.

01:16:44.000 I don't know.

01:16:44.000 You can't burn it to a CD. Why not?

01:16:47.000 I think it might have some kind of time trap.

01:16:51.000 It only lasts a certain amount of time.

01:16:53.000 Oh, really?

01:16:54.000 I don't know.

01:16:54.000 I don't know what I'm talking about.

01:16:56.000 I'm not 100% sure.

01:16:57.000 No, I think that's how it works, though.

01:16:58.000 I think it has to check for a subscription once in a while or something.

01:17:02.000 Oh, that's annoying.

01:17:03.000 So as long as your prescription's up, it's good?

01:17:05.000 You know what's good?

01:17:06.000 In your car.

01:17:07.000 You know what's good?

01:17:08.000 It's in your car.

01:17:08.000 You're driving around going...

01:17:09.000 That's all annoying, man.

01:17:10.000 When you got it, you got it, right?

01:17:12.000 I keep an iPhone or an iPod always charged up.

01:17:15.000 I always listen in my car.

01:17:16.000 I hardly ever listen to the radio anymore.

01:17:17.000 I just listen to my iPod.

01:17:19.000 It connects to my car.

01:17:20.000 It's amazing.

01:17:21.000 You can just choose whatever music.

01:17:23.000 But all I have to do is just sync it back and forth between my computers.

01:17:26.000 I don't want to go online and just...

01:17:28.000 Fucking register and pay $10 a month.

01:17:31.000 I buy the CD on iTunes.

01:17:34.000 I buy the MP3s.

01:17:35.000 That's good for me.

01:17:36.000 I don't want any of that craziness.

01:17:38.000 I have Satellite in my car, and I like it because I've been turned on to a lot of new music that I wouldn't have heard.

01:17:45.000 There's one station in particular, like, I like that indie kind of rock shit.

01:17:49.000 I like rap too.

01:17:49.000 Like what kind of rock shit?

01:17:50.000 Like indie, like, I like 90s indie rock a lot, and like, you know, like pavement, shit like that.

01:17:56.000 Like what do they sing?

01:17:57.000 Sing me a song.

01:17:59.000 Well, I mean, I don't know.

01:18:00.000 Like, Dinosaur Jr.?

01:18:01.000 Are you familiar with any of that?

01:18:03.000 I was in a radio station once, WAAF in Boston, and one of the dudes from Dinosaur Jr., what is it, Mascus?

01:18:12.000 What is his name?

01:18:12.000 Jay Mascus, yeah.

01:18:13.000 Jay Mascus sang a song, like, right there, and it was a real creepy, like, acoustic song.

01:18:18.000 Yeah.

01:18:19.000 I'm like, wow, what a weird dude this guy is.

01:18:21.000 I bet this guy's some fucking crazy, creepy, weird genius dude.

01:18:25.000 They are.

01:18:25.000 I mean, it's a certain genre, like...

01:18:29.000 Well, like, Nirvana came out of that, too.

01:18:31.000 Really?

01:18:31.000 Yeah, it's like the Melvins and fucking...

01:18:34.000 But is Nirvana, like, if you talk about, like, that kind of music you want, that you like, if you say Nirvana, do they think, oh, you're all mainstream?

01:18:41.000 No, no, because, I mean, Nirvana, like, naturally happened.

01:18:45.000 That came from, like, they wanted to be as big as Sonic Youth or Dinosaur Jr. and just...

01:18:50.000 They just wrote songs way too good and fucking just got huge.

01:18:54.000 They reinvented things.

01:18:55.000 They changed the face of everything.

01:18:57.000 They fucked hair bands.

01:18:58.000 And Vanilla Ice and MC Hammer.

01:19:01.000 Those guys were popular.

01:19:01.000 They got pounded on.

01:19:03.000 Boom!

01:19:03.000 Yeah.

01:19:03.000 Like, where'd this come from?

01:19:05.000 There's all this truth and pain and reality.

01:19:07.000 Dude screaming, rape me.

01:19:10.000 Rape Me Again.

01:19:12.000 And it's a great song.

01:19:14.000 Oh, yeah.

01:19:14.000 I mean, Rape Me is a great fucking song, and it played on the radio.

01:19:18.000 Just wrap your head around that.

01:19:20.000 Imagine trying to put that out today.

01:19:22.000 Rape Me, a song called Rape Me.

01:19:23.000 People would freak the fuck out.

01:19:24.000 They wouldn't want to play that on the radio.

01:19:26.000 Too many people would be complaining.

01:19:27.000 Yeah.

01:19:28.000 This guy went on stage in the UFC this weekend.

01:19:32.000 There was controversy.

01:19:35.000 These two fighters went out to controversial songs.

01:19:38.000 And one of them was he went out to smack my bitch up.

01:19:42.000 Okay.

01:19:43.000 And so this writer was complaining.

01:19:44.000 Are you serious?

01:19:45.000 Yes.

01:19:46.000 They wrote an article on Yahoo.

01:19:48.000 Right.

01:19:48.000 About how it was insensitive to have that song, and that song promotes violence against women in LHS, that people might find it offensive.

01:19:56.000 And then the other song they complained about was the Scorpions, Rocky Like a Hurricane, because obviously we're in New Orleans, and New Orleans had been hit by a hurricane.

01:20:06.000 But meanwhile...

01:20:07.000 But you're watching two guys beating the shit out of each other.

01:20:09.000 Yeah, and when that song came on, I don't think people thought that.

01:20:13.000 I didn't even associate it with that.

01:20:16.000 You would never make that connection.

01:20:17.000 Until I read the article.

01:20:18.000 Some cunty little writer fucking wanted to cause a stir.

01:20:21.000 Do you know how funny it is that you just said that?

01:20:23.000 Because I got in trouble for calling this very writer cunty.

01:20:27.000 Really?

01:20:27.000 Yeah.

01:20:28.000 People are like, you shouldn't use that word.

01:20:30.000 Sounds like cunty behavior.

01:20:32.000 I did not inform you of this beforehand.

01:20:34.000 We had no discussion.

01:20:35.000 There was no coercion on your part.

01:20:36.000 Nope.

01:20:37.000 Ladies and gentlemen, nature finds its fucking course.

01:20:41.000 The other one was the Scorpions, Rocking Like a Hurricane.

01:20:43.000 When I heard that song, I didn't think, oh, no, he didn't.

01:20:46.000 A hurricane hit here and devastated the population.

01:20:49.000 That's just looking for shit.

01:20:50.000 I thought, oh, it was a fucking jam.

01:20:52.000 Here I am!

01:20:53.000 That's a good thing to listen to before you're going to go get in a fist fight.

01:20:56.000 Yeah, it's a fucking good song, man.

01:20:58.000 You can't not have that good song anymore.

01:21:00.000 It's not responsible for the hurricane.

01:21:02.000 Yeah.

01:21:03.000 Okay.

01:21:03.000 Now, if he played like Walking on Sunshine by Katrina and the Waves, then that would be like, wait, why is he fucking playing this?

01:21:09.000 This doesn't go along with the sport.

01:21:11.000 I wonder if he'd be allowed to do that.

01:21:13.000 I wonder if Dana White would approve that.

01:21:15.000 Because he approves every song.

01:21:17.000 By the way, Smack My Bitch Up has won all these awards.

01:21:22.000 It's in Charlie's Angels.

01:21:24.000 Smack My Bitch Up is in Charlie's Angels.

01:21:26.000 How does that go?

01:21:26.000 So it's like complaining, Smack My Bitch Up!

01:21:31.000 It's like this crazy techno.

01:21:33.000 It's a really famous song.

01:21:34.000 You never heard it before?

01:21:35.000 I probably have.

01:21:36.000 The name's just not ringing a bell.

01:21:38.000 Is it like the Chemical Brothers?

01:21:40.000 It is the Chemical Brothers?

01:21:41.000 Yes.

01:21:41.000 Oh, then I am familiar with it.

01:21:42.000 I have all their stuff.

01:21:43.000 It's hilarious, though, that someone would complain about that.

01:21:46.000 That seems kind of silly.

01:21:49.000 Yeah, of course.

01:21:51.000 Complaining about anything's silly.

01:21:53.000 Are we nerfing the fucking world?

01:21:55.000 What is going on, Brendan Walsh?

01:21:57.000 Now, I ask you this because you're a comic and you're also a fucking, you know, you go deep.

01:22:04.000 You push buttons.

01:22:05.000 You talk about crazy shit on stage.

01:22:08.000 It's fun.

01:22:08.000 It's my kind of comedy.

01:22:10.000 Good.

01:22:10.000 When I saw you the other night at the Ice House, I was like, thank God, there's still guys doing that.

01:22:15.000 Oh, well thanks, Joe.

01:22:16.000 That's flattering, man.

01:22:17.000 It's true.

01:22:18.000 It's been really dirty.

01:22:19.000 The new stuff's kind of getting pretty dirty.

01:22:21.000 I love it.

01:22:21.000 Keep going.

01:22:22.000 Go deeper.

01:22:24.000 I was there.

01:22:25.000 Look, I'm a huge fan of stand-up companies still, but not enough people are doing crazy shit.

01:22:32.000 Not enough people are going to the deep end of the pool.

01:22:35.000 Not enough people are just making fucked up things really funny.

01:22:40.000 There's a few, but you were nailing a bunch of...

01:22:44.000 I don't want to do any of your material, but you were nailing a bunch of different subjects.

01:22:48.000 Left and right.

01:22:49.000 I was like, this is really funny stuff, man.

01:22:50.000 I enjoyed it.

01:22:51.000 That's awesome, dude.

01:22:53.000 Comedy is supposed to be kind of fucked up, man.

01:22:55.000 The best stuff when you've got a couple of drinks in you.

01:22:58.000 The best stuff is like, you know, like Nick DiPaolo is one of my all-time favorite guys to watch when I got a little buzz on.

01:23:04.000 Oh, yeah.

01:23:05.000 Because he would have fake mean shit.

01:23:07.000 I mean, it was mean.

01:23:08.000 But he's not a mean guy.

01:23:10.000 He's a nice guy.

01:23:10.000 He's a great guy.

01:23:11.000 He's just fucking, that's the style of comedy.

01:23:13.000 And he's going after it.

01:23:15.000 Especially when you've got a buzz on, it's a fucking great art form.

01:23:18.000 By people complaining about a dude coming out to rock you like a hurricane, and by people trying to...

01:23:26.000 Take some of the flavor out of the world, tone things down.

01:23:31.000 They're ruining everything that's cool about life.

01:23:35.000 Yeah.

01:23:36.000 The subtlety.

01:23:37.000 They're just a bunch of fucking unhappy pricks.

01:23:38.000 Yeah.

01:23:39.000 Knowing what's right and what's wrong.

01:23:41.000 Knowing when to let things go.

01:23:43.000 It shows a big...

01:23:47.000 It's like prioritized shit.

01:23:49.000 If you're going to sit down and fucking police Wikipedia on your fucking own time just because somebody adds Jerry Seinfeld started directing adult films after whatever.

01:24:00.000 If you're somebody who's policing Craigslist for people trying to be funny or gross on it...

01:24:08.000 What the fuck's wrong with you, man?

01:24:10.000 There's a million other things you could be doing right now.

01:24:13.000 Yeah, and that needs to be illuminated, right?

01:24:15.000 It needs to be pointed at.

01:24:16.000 Like, why are you doing this?

01:24:18.000 Well, because, like, usually what they're doing, I mean, I'm just speaking from experience of, like, I had a fake Yelp account where I would just complain about businesses.

01:24:27.000 Oh, no.

01:24:28.000 Like, I took businesses that had, like, there was a car wash called the Handy J. And I wrote the review, like, I was expecting a handjob at the end of the car wash, and it was blatant false advertising.

01:24:39.000 And there was a restaurant called The Happy Ending on Sunset.

01:24:42.000 So either way, it was just all written by this naive guy who was in a shitty marriage, and he was just looking for a handjob.

01:24:48.000 And none of these places gave him handjobs.

01:24:50.000 And this pink taco place in Arizona, like, some guy beats the shit out of him because he tries to get his daughter to fuck.

01:24:56.000 I mean, it was just a silly thing I was doing.

01:24:59.000 But he got taken down because I guess somebody, you know, complained or was monitoring Yelp.

01:25:05.000 And I lost all of my fucking handjobs.

01:25:08.000 You didn't write him down anywhere?

01:25:10.000 Again?

01:25:11.000 No.

01:25:11.000 I was like, that's before I even knew that you could do a screen grab.

01:25:15.000 Like, I just, I think I'd...

01:25:17.000 Well, wasn't there a thing that you could do on the internet, Brian, where you could go back and time?

01:25:22.000 Time machine.

01:25:23.000 Yeah, not just that.

01:25:25.000 Oh, you could go and...

01:25:26.000 Yeah.

01:25:26.000 Yeah, but that probably is not on there.

01:25:29.000 I don't know.

01:25:30.000 This was a couple years ago.

01:25:31.000 How does that work?

01:25:32.000 What it does is it's just a program, like a spider or a bot, that takes screenshots and kind of saves websites, kind of archives websites.

01:25:40.000 It's called the Internet Archive.

01:25:42.000 Where is this all stored at?

01:25:44.000 I don't know.

01:25:45.000 I think it's connected with some museum or something like that or some kind of weird thing, database.

01:25:51.000 But it works like 70% of the time.

01:25:55.000 You can go to your old website from like 91...

01:25:58.000 Well, I didn't have a website in 91. Or 92 or whatever it was.

01:26:01.000 I think it was 98, actually.

01:26:02.000 Or 98. And you can see it.

01:26:04.000 And some things will work.

01:26:05.000 Some photos will work.

01:26:06.000 Some things will work.

01:26:07.000 Wow.

01:26:08.000 That's wild.

01:26:09.000 That's wild.

01:26:10.000 That is weird.

01:26:12.000 I have Pepsi Spice projects on there somewhere.

01:26:14.000 Is it really?

01:26:15.000 Yeah.

01:26:15.000 That's hilarious.

01:26:16.000 Brian did a thing where he pretended that he was going to eat nothing but Pepsi Spice for like months and he got pepsispice.com.

01:26:22.000 It was a new type of Pepsi that they had.

01:26:24.000 And he got pepsispice.com.

01:26:26.000 He registered it because they were fucking slow on the take and they didn't realize the power of the internet.

01:26:31.000 So then he writes this blog detailing these horrific fucking physical ailments that are occurring to him from just eating nothing but Pepsi Spice from us.

01:26:41.000 What was it?

01:26:41.000 Spicy Pepsi?

01:26:42.000 Yeah.

01:26:42.000 It was like ginger mixed with Pepsi.

01:26:44.000 I don't remember that shit at all.

01:26:45.000 It was gross.

01:26:46.000 It was horrible.

01:26:47.000 It was so awful.

01:26:48.000 It was like Thanksgiving.

01:26:48.000 Do you remember New Coke?

01:26:50.000 They tried to fuck with Coke.

01:26:51.000 I remember New Coke.

01:26:51.000 Yeah.

01:26:52.000 Coke Classic.

01:26:53.000 It was like, what are you doing?

01:26:54.000 And then they don't do that anymore, right?

01:26:56.000 Now it's just Coke Classic.

01:26:57.000 No, it's just Coke.

01:26:57.000 They got rid of New Coke.

01:26:58.000 Yeah, New Coke.

01:26:59.000 It was a slow introduction.

01:27:02.000 You know what it was like?

01:27:02.000 It was like the metric system.

01:27:04.000 They tried to shove it out.

01:27:05.000 It tastes like Pepsi.

01:27:06.000 And then they pulled it back.

01:27:07.000 They're, all right, we give up.

01:27:08.000 We give up.

01:27:09.000 New Coke just tasted like Pepsi.

01:27:11.000 Do you think there's a different type of person who drinks Coke rather than Pepsi?

01:27:14.000 Fuck yeah, man.

01:27:15.000 I hate Pepsi.

01:27:16.000 Like, drinking Pepsi is...

01:27:17.000 It's all kind of the same, isn't it?

01:27:18.000 I like Diet Pepsi better than Diet Coke.

01:27:20.000 Do you think, like, do dumber people like Pepsi or smarter?

01:27:25.000 Dumber.

01:27:26.000 Smart people are drinking soda on a regular basis.

01:27:29.000 Really?

01:27:29.000 I bet they are.

01:27:30.000 Smart people that smoke cigarettes.

01:27:32.000 We had this guy, Daniel Pinchback, this brilliant author, who told me he just quit smoking cigarettes.

01:27:36.000 I was like, what the fuck?

01:27:38.000 You what?

01:27:39.000 What?

01:27:40.000 You just quit too, right?

01:27:41.000 It's tough, man.

01:27:42.000 When did you quit?

01:27:43.000 I'm like on my third day, so...

01:27:45.000 That's it?

01:27:46.000 Not even...

01:27:46.000 I quit for a year a couple years ago, and I smoked a joint with...

01:27:51.000 My friend rolled a joint with tobacco in it.

01:27:53.000 Oh, no.

01:27:53.000 And it fucking...

01:27:54.000 It's crazy.

01:27:55.000 Once you have that little taste, I was like, hey, roll me a cigarette, like a couple days later.

01:27:59.000 I was staying with him in upstate New York after Montreal, and so I was kind of on vacation, that vacation mode, and was like...

01:28:06.000 I'll have a couple smokes until when I get back to LA I'll stop and went down to the city for a week and bombed a couple cigarettes but cigarettes are like 15 bucks a pack there so I was like I'm just gonna buy a pack and you know give them the people and I'll smoke and either way just snowballed into is that the only physical addiction you've ever had um cock Brian.

01:28:29.000 Yeah, man, that's rude.

01:28:30.000 That's rude behavior that your fucking little co-host is exhibiting.

01:28:33.000 You know, this is going out on the internet.

01:28:35.000 Other people are going to hear this, dude.

01:28:36.000 That's slander or libel, whatever it is.

01:28:39.000 Why don't you put a cock in your mouth and cry?

01:28:41.000 Okay, listen, you took it too far.

01:28:42.000 Back on.

01:28:43.000 No, I've never had any real, like, you know, I like to drink and stuff.

01:28:47.000 But you've never had, like, a physical craving like that before where you got attached to it.

01:28:52.000 Cigarettes or alcohol?

01:28:54.000 Yeah, cigarettes.

01:28:54.000 I mean, cigarettes is the only one like that?

01:28:56.000 I mean, how bad is alcohol?

01:28:57.000 Have you ever gotten to a, like a, I need a drink every day stage?

01:29:00.000 No.

01:29:02.000 So it's, cigarettes, what I was trying to get at was like, cigarettes are...

01:29:06.000 They're tough, man.

01:29:07.000 Inordinately tough.

01:29:08.000 And much stronger.

01:29:10.000 They have a much stronger pull than a lot of the other things that get people addicted.

01:29:14.000 Well, because you don't get anything out of cigarettes, too.

01:29:16.000 Like, cigarettes, if they got you high or drunk, like...

01:29:19.000 They relax, though.

01:29:21.000 Dude, you get pissed off.

01:29:22.000 But it's all just because you're poisoned, like...

01:29:24.000 Do you get pissed off at those people that fucking tell you they can smoke and they don't ever get hooked?

01:29:29.000 Because there's a lot of people that do that.

01:29:30.000 They're called liars.

01:29:32.000 No, they're not.

01:29:33.000 I think there are different kinds of...

01:29:35.000 I do lean more towards an addictive type.

01:29:41.000 If there's something that's kind of fun, my impulse is to overdo it.

01:29:46.000 I have self-control in other things.

01:29:49.000 That's why you're funny.

01:29:50.000 Almost all comics have that.

01:29:51.000 Every comic that I know that's really funny is impulsive.

01:29:54.000 Like, look at Kreischer.

01:29:55.000 He's really impulsive.

01:29:56.000 Brian Callen, really impulsive.

01:29:57.000 Joey's impulsive as fuck, you know?

01:29:59.000 I'm glad that they're still improving the technology of a cigarette, though.

01:30:02.000 They have Camel Crushes now.

01:30:04.000 It's so bad.

01:30:04.000 Which are so awesome.

01:30:05.000 Like, you're smoking a cigarette, and you're like, you know what?

01:30:07.000 I'm bored with this cigarette.

01:30:08.000 Then you just crush the filter, and it releases more chemicals into the filter.

01:30:11.000 Then it tastes like mint.

01:30:13.000 Yeah, then it's a menthol cigarette.

01:30:15.000 What?

01:30:16.000 But it's a little chemical ball.

01:30:17.000 Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

01:30:18.000 Wait a minute, wait a minute.

01:30:19.000 So you can change your experience?

01:30:21.000 Yeah.

01:30:21.000 You go from a regular cigarette or at any time back and forth?

01:30:24.000 Yeah.

01:30:24.000 No, no.

01:30:24.000 Just once you go menthol, you can't go back.

01:30:26.000 Right.

01:30:27.000 But the whole pack has this available to it.

01:30:30.000 The whole pack.

01:30:30.000 The whole pack, yeah.

01:30:31.000 They have little spearmint balls.

01:30:34.000 Your cancer is going to get cancer.

01:30:36.000 It's going to find out that that gives cancer cancer.

01:30:38.000 Yeah, double cancer.

01:30:38.000 Those mint balls give your cancer a new cancer.

01:30:41.000 So bad, man.

01:30:41.000 But once you get out of the woods, when I quit a couple years ago, I mean, I went like a year, and it's been a year now that I've been smoking again.

01:30:47.000 Right.

01:30:48.000 Once you get out, or at least once I got out of the woods, like after a couple weeks, I was like, okay, I'm fine.

01:30:54.000 I don't need this.

01:30:55.000 Really?

01:30:56.000 Yeah, I really didn't.

01:30:57.000 I was pretty cocky about it.

01:30:58.000 I was like, I'm never going to stick another one of those things in my mouth.

01:31:01.000 Wow.

01:31:01.000 And I would hang out at bars.

01:31:03.000 I'd go out with my friends when they went to smoke.

01:31:04.000 I was like, I'm done.

01:31:06.000 I don't smoke.

01:31:06.000 I read this book that helped a lot.

01:31:08.000 I mean, granted, I'm smoking again, but because...

01:31:11.000 Well, but I mean...

01:31:13.000 Under my circumstances, though, I kind of didn't really do it by choice.

01:31:17.000 I smoked this joint that had tobacco in it.

01:31:19.000 I knew I tasted it right away, but I was like, fuck it.

01:31:22.000 It's been 11 months since I had a cigarette.

01:31:25.000 I can have a pop.

01:31:26.000 Tobacco demon talking to you, right?

01:31:28.000 It's fucked up, dude.

01:31:28.000 Is that what it is?

01:31:29.000 The nicotine demon?

01:31:30.000 Well, that's the way he describes it in the book.

01:31:34.000 You're just feeding this little monster that needs to be fed over...

01:31:36.000 It's a very short...

01:31:38.000 I even heard that after six months, it starts burning fat that has nicotine still in it, and so you start getting cravings again after a certain period.

01:31:46.000 I don't know if this is bullshit.

01:31:47.000 Someone said that, too, and I thought that sounded silly.

01:31:50.000 Seems kind of silly.

01:31:51.000 It might be, though.

01:31:52.000 I mean, I know marijuana stays in your system.

01:31:54.000 I think if you're really fat and you get super high, weed can stay in your system for weeks.

01:31:59.000 Yeah.

01:31:59.000 Oh, yeah.

01:32:00.000 It stays in your fat cells, right?

01:32:02.000 Yeah.

01:32:02.000 So if that, I mean, if it's there, maybe, I mean, it's obviously the grip of that stuff is way stronger than the grip.

01:32:10.000 I mean, there's people that say they get addicted to marijuana, but there's nothing like the feeling that I don't think that they would get with cigarettes.

01:32:16.000 They don't need to smoke it all day like that.

01:32:17.000 No, it's more of a habitual.

01:32:19.000 I think marijuana, you get hooked on the ritual of it.

01:32:22.000 I also huff this shit, too.

01:32:24.000 Yeah.

01:32:25.000 I'm willing to believe that everybody has a different biochemistry and some people can get physically addicted to almost anything.

01:32:31.000 I think people get physically addicted to sugar.

01:32:33.000 Some people that have crazy sugar fixations where it's an addiction.

01:32:39.000 So they could get addicted to marijuana, but nothing like the addiction to cigarettes.

01:32:44.000 That is one of the weirdest ones, man.

01:32:46.000 It's a bitch.

01:32:47.000 When you see people, like when Brian started smoking cigarettes again, it's almost like I have to accept that he got bit by a vampire.

01:32:57.000 All this talk of cigarettes makes me want to have a cigarette.

01:33:00.000 Are you ever going to quit?

01:33:01.000 I might bum one off you.

01:33:03.000 Oh, really?

01:33:04.000 You ready to give in?

01:33:05.000 Today's been rough.

01:33:06.000 Why has it been rough?

01:33:08.000 I've just been, you know, I keep fucking wanting one, but it's like, yeah, it's that.

01:33:12.000 What is it?

01:33:13.000 Explain it to me.

01:33:15.000 What's the pull?

01:33:16.000 It's a person who's never.

01:33:17.000 I've had a cigarette or two in the day, but I've never got it.

01:33:22.000 Yeah, it's just, it seems, it sounds like a really good idea.

01:33:25.000 Like, I just want to kind of fucking smoke a cigarette.

01:33:28.000 And there is a little bit of a, yeah, a little like...

01:33:31.000 You know what it's like?

01:33:32.000 It's when you go and you're hungry as fuck, and you go to the movie theater, and you smell that popcorn, and you're like, fuck, I need that popcorn.

01:33:40.000 No, it can't be.

01:33:41.000 It's got to be way crazier than that because I could pass on the popcorn.

01:33:44.000 No, because you can sit there and not get popcorn, but if you sit there and keep on smelling it over and over again, it'll drive you crazy.

01:33:51.000 Don't think of popcorn specifically.

01:33:53.000 Think of like you're really hungry and you smell like cookies.

01:33:56.000 How about this?

01:33:57.000 We're at Fogo to Chow and the guy keeps coming back with the meat and I have my thing flipped over to red.

01:34:02.000 Is it that good?

01:34:04.000 Yeah, it's more than that.

01:34:05.000 It's like when you smell somebody cooking cookies or brownies in your house, and you're like, oh, I need that fucking cookie now.

01:34:11.000 It's like that.

01:34:12.000 That's what the yearning's kind of like.

01:34:13.000 It's something where it's like, oh.

01:34:15.000 And when you get it, when you finally give in to the beast, and you light that bitch up, and you suck it in, what is that like?

01:34:21.000 That completely goes away, that stress.

01:34:22.000 Yeah, it goes away, but then I guess, you know, mine's immediately going to be followed by guilt.

01:34:28.000 Yeah, but you don't think, okay, here I am, I'm poisoning my body.

01:34:33.000 Dude, oh God, the thoughts, they fucking go through my head.

01:34:36.000 Yeah, it's so dumb.

01:34:37.000 I think about it, like, I don't think about it when I'm doing it.

01:34:40.000 Like, I think about it the next morning when I'm just like...

01:34:42.000 You know what you should do, dude?

01:34:43.000 You should start smoking a pipe.

01:34:45.000 Smells better, you get your tobacco.

01:34:49.000 Maybe you could smoke a pipe and be okay.

01:34:52.000 You just gotta stop doing it.

01:34:55.000 You guys are both junkies.

01:34:57.000 You guys can't help it.

01:34:59.000 It's an addiction, man.

01:34:59.000 But, you know, this is like, you know, yeah, it's my third day, so it's pretty...

01:35:03.000 It's also good for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

01:35:05.000 No, you see, I'm not a big daytime smoker.

01:35:09.000 Oh, really?

01:35:10.000 I'm at night, like, I don't...

01:35:11.000 I use it for lunch.

01:35:12.000 I don't smoke during the day.

01:35:13.000 You use it for lunch so you don't eat?

01:35:15.000 Yeah.

01:35:16.000 Like, if I'm really hungry and I'm just too busy, I'll smoke a cigarette and it kills it for another 30 minutes.

01:35:21.000 Oh my god, that's so gross.

01:35:23.000 Yeah.

01:35:24.000 That's gotta be terrible for you.

01:35:25.000 But I do, if I'm around people, like, I was staying with a buddy of mine in Austin, and he wakes up in the morning and has a cup of coffee and a cigarette, and I would do that.

01:35:33.000 Oh god, that's the best combo ever.

01:35:35.000 Well, it's just, it's more like, oh, again, like, when in Rome, like, okay, but I wouldn't do that on my own.

01:35:40.000 Does that give you a crazy head rush?

01:35:41.000 What does that do for you?

01:35:42.000 You know, I'm not crazy about that, uh...

01:35:45.000 That combo first thing in the morning.

01:35:47.000 No, it makes my stomach feel shitty.

01:35:49.000 A lot of people swear by it.

01:35:50.000 Even before they have food.

01:35:51.000 I think a lot of people are...

01:35:54.000 Really?

01:35:55.000 What's the big deal?

01:35:56.000 I don't know.

01:35:56.000 It just goes together perfect.

01:35:58.000 It's the taste of the coffee and the taste of the syrup.

01:35:59.000 Do you ever figure shit out from that combination?

01:36:01.000 Is that a combination where you start your day out with a new perspective?

01:36:04.000 Kind of.

01:36:04.000 You get a little boost from the cigarette, a little boost from the coffee at the same time.

01:36:07.000 It's kind of like a kickstart.

01:36:09.000 It's amazing.

01:36:10.000 Makes you have to shit.

01:36:11.000 Nobody ever talks about getting rid of cigarettes.

01:36:13.000 They're like little evil demons that have collected themselves.

01:36:19.000 They should be fucking illegal.

01:36:20.000 It's amazing.

01:36:21.000 It's totally amazing.

01:36:22.000 It's amazing when you think about all the shit that is illegal.

01:36:25.000 You think of the actual numbers that they're doing.

01:36:28.000 I was talking to Henry Phillips about...

01:36:30.000 I don't know if you guys know Henry, but...

01:36:32.000 The guy who played guitar on Stan Hopes?

01:36:34.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:36:36.000 And we were just like, you know, kind of drunk talking on the phone one night.

01:36:40.000 And we were both talking about how like, God, what are we still smoking?

01:36:43.000 You know, because he smokes cigarettes too.

01:36:45.000 And he's saying, yeah, if an alien life form was looking down on us, they'd be like, wait, so this fucking thing kills a million people a year and it's not illegal?

01:36:57.000 Why don't they just make it illegal?

01:36:59.000 And it's like, well, because these five guys are getting really rich off of it.

01:37:03.000 And the aliens would be like, well, why not just kill those five guys?

01:37:07.000 And save the millions and just make it a no-brainer.

01:37:12.000 But it's like, yeah, that's just the way everything's fucked up.

01:37:14.000 It's like, yeah, why not just kill the five guys who are fucking everything up for everyone?

01:37:18.000 Well, there's two arguments.

01:37:19.000 There's one, the freedom argument where you're free to do whatever you want to do, even if it's ridiculous to say.

01:37:26.000 Well, you can't do heroin if you want to.

01:37:27.000 But why can't you?

01:37:29.000 Because it's illegal.

01:37:30.000 Right, but...

01:37:31.000 But should we allow more things to be legal?

01:37:34.000 That's the other question.

01:37:35.000 It's like, we have enough problems of our own.

01:37:37.000 It would be hard because a lot of people say they want to be able to have a fucking cigarette.

01:37:42.000 A lot of people want to fuck 10-year-olds, too.

01:37:45.000 Yeah, but that's different.

01:37:48.000 If they legalize fucking 10-year-olds, that might be way more addictive than cigarettes.

01:37:53.000 I've never done it.

01:37:54.000 The cigarette is connecting to you.

01:37:57.000 You fucking 10-year-olds is you interfering with other people's lives.

01:37:59.000 You're making your own personal choice.

01:38:01.000 You have your own personal freedom to go and dick to this.

01:38:05.000 Well, I'm obviously being...

01:38:06.000 I know, of course.

01:38:07.000 But, I mean, it's a weird thing that you want to say that it is illegal.

01:38:11.000 Because I think you should be able to do whatever the fuck you want.

01:38:14.000 I think if you want to smoke...

01:38:15.000 If you smoke cigarettes and you know they're addicted, I think we should look down horribly on the people who sell them.

01:38:21.000 Just like any person selling any fucking deadly drug.

01:38:25.000 Especially things that just...

01:38:27.000 What are those 599 fucking ingredients that they've added to cigarettes to make them more addictive?

01:38:34.000 What a crazy combo they've put together.

01:38:36.000 Well, I've smoked those American Spirits almost my whole career.

01:38:41.000 And do they have the same...

01:38:42.000 Their whole thing is it's 100% additive...

01:38:44.000 Free tobacco, like Whole Foods cigarettes.

01:38:46.000 Is it less addictive?

01:38:49.000 Nicotine's pretty addictive.

01:38:50.000 So nicotine on itself is addictive enough, and all the 599 other things just enhance.

01:38:55.000 The other shit is like what they do to food at McDonald's.

01:38:59.000 It's designed to burn a certain way, for the ash to be shaped a certain way.

01:39:06.000 Do you notice the difference between the cigarette experience from the natural ones and the ones like the cool lights or something like that?

01:39:14.000 I do.

01:39:15.000 Yeah.

01:39:16.000 What do you know?

01:39:16.000 What's the difference?

01:39:17.000 You smoke like camels, right?

01:39:18.000 I smoke camel lights.

01:39:19.000 That's like a really strong one, isn't it?

01:39:21.000 Camels are really strong.

01:39:22.000 American Spirits, actually, to me, feel like they do more damage just because it's a thicker smoke.

01:39:26.000 They last longer.

01:39:27.000 Yeah, and they last longer.

01:39:29.000 Like, I'll smoke, like, you know, American Spirits.

01:39:32.000 The next day, I'm coughing up black shit.

01:39:34.000 Like, I feel like...

01:39:34.000 Well, you just don't smoke as many of them.

01:39:36.000 I mean, that's...

01:39:37.000 You can't smoke as many of them.

01:39:39.000 Like, I always find...

01:39:40.000 It's so crazy.

01:39:42.000 It's so ridiculous.

01:39:43.000 Like, how do you take your poison?

01:39:45.000 You know, you got to be careful with the natural poison.

01:39:47.000 Natural poison is hard to swallow.

01:39:49.000 Well, I think it's just...

01:39:51.000 No, you see, I don't think it's hard to swallow.

01:39:52.000 I just don't think you want it as frequently.

01:39:55.000 Like, the other ones burn faster.

01:39:57.000 They're like diet pop.

01:39:59.000 You can...

01:39:59.000 You can just keep them coming.

01:40:00.000 You can suck down two camels for like one.

01:40:03.000 Camels used to have no filter.

01:40:04.000 They still have those.

01:40:05.000 All cigarettes have like no filter and filter like Lucky Strikes.

01:40:09.000 Marlboro doesn't.

01:40:10.000 Well, they have some.

01:40:12.000 Marlboro.

01:40:12.000 They have non-filter Marlboros?

01:40:14.000 They used to.

01:40:14.000 I don't know if they still do.

01:40:15.000 Oh, they might.

01:40:15.000 I don't know.

01:40:16.000 They have the Camel non-filters also.

01:40:17.000 No, I know that, yeah.

01:40:19.000 And Lucky Strikes.

01:40:19.000 What is that all about?

01:40:21.000 What's the non-filter about?

01:40:22.000 That's like some dude who's a fucking rockabilly shithead who's just going to the nth degree to fucking maintain his style.

01:40:28.000 Rockabilly shithead, I love it.

01:40:31.000 Why else are you smoking Lucky Strikes except for the package looks cool and goes good with your fucking bowling shirt with flames on it?

01:40:37.000 How many times have you accidentally boxed?

01:40:39.000 Your fucking greased back hair.

01:40:41.000 Your fucking tattoo of a howling cartoon dog.

01:40:44.000 Yeah.

01:40:45.000 I don't want to give any more descriptions because I don't want to get punched in the face by one of those guys when I'm in Austin.

01:40:50.000 And there's those girls that have that very specific look, too.

01:40:53.000 Those rockabilly girls.

01:40:55.000 But burlesque, like you were talking about that.

01:40:57.000 That's crazy in Austin.

01:40:58.000 Yeah, they all dress like they're from the 40s or some shit.

01:41:03.000 The same as roller derby girls.

01:41:05.000 They're all cut from the same cloth.

01:41:07.000 What the fuck is this longing for the nostalgic past that everybody has?

01:41:11.000 I don't know.

01:41:11.000 I have a joke about it.

01:41:13.000 What is it?

01:41:14.000 Where I say I love roller derby.

01:41:16.000 I've never seen it, but I like that it exists because it cuts down on all the crappy girl bands that would be around otherwise.

01:41:23.000 Because it's just like a bunch of people who need some attention.

01:41:26.000 It's like, yeah, don't start a band, dude.

01:41:28.000 Yeah, do that.

01:41:29.000 Fucking do burlesque or roller derby.

01:41:33.000 I have a friend from the message board that's in a roller derby thing.

01:41:36.000 Vicky from the message board.

01:41:37.000 Well, it's just a joke, Vicky.

01:41:39.000 She's in Vancouver.

01:41:40.000 She's a nice girl.

01:41:41.000 But she gave me a roller derby girl t-shirt.

01:41:44.000 I wear it.

01:41:45.000 Oh, yeah.

01:41:45.000 No, it's a cool thing.

01:41:47.000 It's kind of a cool thing to have.

01:41:47.000 A roller derby girl t-shirt?

01:41:49.000 Yeah.

01:41:50.000 Yeah.

01:41:51.000 This fucking podcast is over.

01:41:53.000 This thing's gone forever.

01:41:54.000 Man, almost three hours.

01:41:56.000 We rambled through a good part of it where I didn't know what the fuck we were talking about.

01:41:59.000 That beginning part, I was not awake.

01:42:00.000 We're too tired.

01:42:01.000 That's the problem with doing a late night one.

01:42:03.000 I work all day doing Fear Factor.

01:42:05.000 I'm out in the fucking hot sun all day.

01:42:07.000 That shit cooks your brain.

01:42:08.000 You can drink a lot of water and rehydrating helps, but it makes you really stupid at the end of the day.

01:42:12.000 You just get really tired.

01:42:14.000 Can you see how many people started listening and stopped?

01:42:17.000 It was 1,276.

01:42:20.000 Not bad.

01:42:21.000 For the end.

01:42:22.000 It's been on forever.

01:42:22.000 Two and a half hours, right?

01:42:23.000 It's 11pm on the East Coast, man.

01:42:25.000 Oh, fuck.

01:42:26.000 I have late it to do.

01:42:28.000 Or on the West Coast, rather.

01:42:29.000 It's 11pm.

01:42:30.000 Alright.

01:42:31.000 Thank you, Brendan, for coming by.

01:42:32.000 Thanks for asking me.

01:42:33.000 And please follow him on Twitter.

01:42:35.000 It's B-R-E-N-D-O-N Walsh.

01:42:38.000 Hell yeah, son.

01:42:39.000 B-R-E-N-D-O-N Walsh, yeah, on Twitter.

01:42:41.000 And I'll be in Bloomington, Indiana at the Comedy Attic September 29th through October 1st.

01:42:50.000 Tweet that, and I'll retweet it.

01:42:51.000 And if you've never seen him, go fucking see him.

01:42:54.000 Yeah, come.

01:42:54.000 It'll be fun.

01:42:54.000 That's a great place.

01:42:55.000 You're one of those guys that, right now, in my book of funny guys to watch, you're one of those that hasn't been nationally recognized yet, but it's going to happen quick.

01:43:05.000 Cool, man.

01:43:05.000 I really believe that.

01:43:06.000 You're fucking hilarious, dude.

01:43:07.000 The other night at the...

01:43:08.000 At the Ice House.

01:43:10.000 Those shows were fun.

01:43:11.000 Well, you have a good crowd, man.

01:43:12.000 It was really fun.

01:43:12.000 Yeah, they're great.

01:43:13.000 Yeah.

01:43:13.000 Yeah, we're really lucky, and most of it is these fucking freaks that are listening right now.

01:43:16.000 And we'll be in Houston.

01:43:17.000 You dirty freaks.

01:43:18.000 Yeah, we're going to be in Houston together.

01:43:20.000 We're going to be there with the great Joey Coco Diaz.

01:43:24.000 It's a bona fide experience, ladies and gentlemen.

01:43:27.000 What is that, like October 7th?

01:43:30.000 October 7th.

01:43:31.000 And that's at the Verizon Wireless Theater.

01:43:33.000 And this weekend.

01:43:35.000 September 23rd.

01:43:38.000 Yeah.

01:43:39.000 Yeah.

01:43:39.000 September 23rd.

01:43:41.000 With Joey and Ari.

01:43:44.000 And we're going to be in Denver, Colorado.

01:43:46.000 And we're at the Paramount Theater.

01:43:47.000 And it's almost sold out.

01:43:49.000 So it's going to be a lot of fucking fun.

01:43:51.000 I haven't been back to Denver in a long time.

01:43:53.000 So I'm looking forward to that.

01:43:54.000 So that should be the shoot.

01:43:55.000 And then the weekend after that.

01:43:58.000 October...

01:44:00.000 The first week of October?

01:44:02.000 Oh, no.

01:44:02.000 The 30th.

01:44:03.000 The 30th of September.

01:44:06.000 I'm in Washington, D.C. And that's at the Warner Theater.

01:44:10.000 And that's with Ari Shaffir.

01:44:11.000 Alright, you dirty bitches.

01:44:13.000 You guys are awesome.

01:44:14.000 Thanks for tuning in.

01:44:15.000 Thanks for lasting all you Ustream freaks.

01:44:17.000 You hung in there.

01:44:18.000 And all you people that are listening to this at the gym and go, this is a very disjointed fucking weirdo podcast.

01:44:24.000 Yes and no.

01:44:25.000 Surely we could edit this and get the good parts and it would be...

01:44:28.000 An hour and 45 minutes of absolute deliciousness.

01:44:31.000 This would be really good at 1.45.

01:44:33.000 At 1.45 this podcast would be the shit.

01:44:36.000 But I'm sorry we don't have that for you today.

01:44:38.000 We have two hours and 20 minutes of disjointed conversation.

01:44:41.000 Some of it's entertaining.

01:44:42.000 Cut into thousands of pieces on Easter.

01:44:43.000 And some of it is just plain cunty.

01:44:46.000 So thanks for tuning in to the podcast, and thanks for everything, and thanks to The Fleshlight for sponsoring the podcast.

01:44:52.000 If you go to JoeRogan.net, click on the link for The Fleshlight, and enter in the code name ROGAN, you will get 15% off the number one sex toy for men.

01:45:03.000 Oh, shit.

01:45:05.000 Brendan Walsh is going to take my home with him and shoot mad loads in that shit, son.

01:45:09.000 I don't know if I can trust myself.

01:45:11.000 Well, yeah.

01:45:11.000 Maybe I will.

01:45:12.000 You're going to do it.

01:45:13.000 I'm going to be back on Sunday, this Sunday evening with Graham Hancock.

01:45:17.000 And that is going to be fucking awesome.

01:45:19.000 One of my favorite authors of all time.

01:45:21.000 If you've never heard of him, go look him up online.

01:45:23.000 Watch some of his videos on YouTube.

01:45:25.000 Google him.

01:45:25.000 Buy his books.

01:45:27.000 Fingerprints of the Gods changed the way I looked at the world.

01:45:29.000 And he's going to be here this Sunday.

01:45:31.000 So, that's it.

01:45:33.000 I'll see you guys soon.

01:45:34.000 Thanks for everything.

The Joe Rogan Experience - September 22, 2011

Joe Rogan Experience #140 - Brendon Walsh (Part 3)

Summary

Transcript