The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #1457 - Tim Dillon

00:00:00.000 Three, two, one.

00:00:02.000 Later today, young Tim Dillon will find out whether or not he has the anti-puddies.

00:00:07.000 Yes, yes.

00:00:08.000 And if I do, I'm going to Wuhan to do a fun little video in a wet market.

00:00:14.000 And eat a bath.

00:00:15.000 If I have the antibodies, it's okay.

00:00:18.000 Is it safe?

00:00:19.000 I don't know what this is.

00:00:21.000 Yeah, no one knows.

00:00:22.000 We've never been in a time where literally nobody knows.

00:00:25.000 I have a string of text messages from Alex Jones that will change your opinion if you smoke enough weed.

00:00:32.000 And you don't smoke weed.

00:00:33.000 Were you ever a weed smoker?

00:00:34.000 I smoked a lot of weed.

00:00:35.000 For a very long time.

00:00:37.000 That's when I discovered Alex Jones when I was 13, when I was smoking weed, listening to him on the GCN network.

00:00:43.000 But when you got clean, it wasn't weed that was a problem, right?

00:00:45.000 No, it was the cocaine and the booze and the pills, but weed was always there.

00:00:50.000 I've never been a cocaine user.

00:00:51.000 I've never used it, but I do love that Buck Cherry song.

00:00:54.000 Oh, yeah, it's great.

00:00:55.000 It's great.

00:00:56.000 It almost makes you want to do cocaine.

00:00:57.000 It's a great drug.

00:00:59.000 I mean, don't do it if you're having problems.

00:01:01.000 But Alex left.

00:01:02.000 I haven't even gotten to them.

00:01:05.000 I changed my phone number not that long ago, and I change it every few Yeah.

00:01:11.000 Do you get random text from just anybody?

00:01:11.000 And it doesn't matter.

00:01:13.000 Oh yeah, random.

00:01:14.000 But this, these are all voicemail messages, and look at all these videos he sent me to watch, and all these websites.

00:01:14.000 Yeah.

00:01:22.000 He's convinced that it's a weaponized virus that leaked from a lab.

00:01:29.000 Well, there's a lot of people that are saying that in Wuhan, obviously, they have that lab, right?

00:01:34.000 Whether it's a biodefense or bioresearch laboratory.

00:01:37.000 There's something there.

00:01:38.000 Something's there.

00:01:39.000 Something in Wuhan where the disease is originated.

00:01:42.000 Now, this is kind of convincing that maybe there were people backdoor selling the animals that they were experimenting on to wet markets.

00:01:53.000 Like, if you're broke and you were a guard at the Wuhan lab, you're like, hey, I'm just selling bats and dogs.

00:01:59.000 For extra money.

00:02:00.000 And he sold maybe one of the wrong ones, and now we have this issue.

00:02:04.000 Really?

00:02:05.000 Where'd you hear that?

00:02:05.000 I mean, that's on the internet, Joe.

00:02:07.000 Oh! 0.60

00:02:08.000 Well, as long as it's on the internet.

00:02:09.000 I mean, it's there.

00:02:10.000 But now, every theory has as much weight as any other theory.

00:02:15.000 Right now.

00:02:16.000 Right now.

00:02:16.000 Because there's some legit scientists that are actually, like one of the things they found out is that the origins of the virus in New York City, it comes directly from Europe.

00:02:28.000 Apparently they can tell that.

00:02:29.000 Interesting.

00:02:30.000 Somehow.

00:02:31.000 Yeah, I have no idea.

00:02:32.000 Find out how they can tell.

00:02:33.000 Do they trace it back to like patient zero?

00:02:36.000 No, I don't think so.

00:02:37.000 Oh, they don't do that?

00:02:38.000 I don't think so.

00:02:39.000 They do some sort of tracing, right?

00:02:41.000 Because that's the new...

00:02:42.000 Yeah.

00:02:42.000 The hot topic of Google and Apple working together to get tracing software.

00:02:47.000 See, that's what scares me.

00:02:48.000 We talked about that the other day.

00:02:49.000 You have to have everything on your phone, like showing that you're positive.

00:02:53.000 You have to have a phone everywhere.

00:02:55.000 You have to take out your card that you're positive to get into Applebee's.

00:02:58.000 Yeah, Adam Curry sent me this whole thing saying this is why I have a flip phone.

00:03:04.000 You know Adam Curry, the original podfather?

00:03:07.000 And he's saying that He won't.

00:03:08.000 He won't do it.

00:03:09.000 Yeah, most coronavirus cases in New York City can be traced back to Europe, not Asia, research shows.

00:03:13.000 What is the research, though?

00:03:15.000 What does it say?

00:03:16.000 I mean...

00:03:16.000 Research tracking spread of coronavirus determined that the virus has been circulating in New York City for a couple months since before the testing began.

00:03:22.000 Genetic sequencing of virus samples indicates that most of the early cases in New York originated in Europe, not Asia.

00:03:28.000 So it's some sort of genetic sequencing.

00:03:30.000 Research team studied samples of the virus taken from 91 New York patients.

00:03:34.000 As viruses evolve during transmission from person to person, their sequences can help research.

00:03:38.000 This is what scares the fuck out of me.

00:03:40.000 Just that statement.

00:03:41.000 As viruses evolve during transmission. 1.00

00:03:44.000 These fucking things, they morph and twist. 1.00

00:03:47.000 It seems like it's almost like a different thing with different people. 1.00

00:03:50.000 Like, I was reading about George Stephanopoulos and his wife.

00:03:54.000 He has it, his wife has it. 0.50

00:03:56.000 His wife is deathly ill. 0.99

00:03:58.000 He doesn't feel a goddamn thing. 1.00

00:03:59.000 That's crazy. 0.99

00:04:00.000 Yeah.

00:04:01.000 Well, they're also, the media's not helping.

00:04:03.000 No.

00:04:03.000 Because there's a lot of, they're circulating these stories that aren't necessarily the truth, or they're not, like, the media will be like, coronavirus lives 13 feet away from you.

00:04:15.000 And then you read the article, and buried in the article, they go, well, doctors don't really know if these particles are infectious.

00:04:24.000 So it's like, why do you have an article where the boldface headline is, coronavirus 13 feet away, 19 feet away, and then in the article you go, well, you haven't even determined if you can get sick.

00:04:33.000 It's very irresponsible, but that's what they do today.

00:04:36.000 News is strange today, because they're just trying to sell clicks.

00:04:42.000 Yeah.

00:04:43.000 They want people to pay attention to their articles, so everything's clickbait.

00:04:46.000 Yeah. 0.98

00:04:47.000 It's fucking real weird, man. 0.95

00:04:48.000 And then the other half of that is the guys who don't believe anything, where they're on Twitter. 0.98

00:04:51.000 A nurse will put something on Twitter.

00:04:53.000 She's like, you know, it's been a rough day, and she's crying. 0.74

00:04:56.000 And then the first tweet, a guy's like, liar.

00:04:58.000 It's like, oh my god. 1.00

00:05:00.000 There are people that are like, you're a liar. 0.97

00:05:02.000 I know what's going on. 0.99

00:05:03.000 You're a conflict actor.

00:05:04.000 Yeah, you're a crisis actor.

00:05:06.000 Show me the ward.

00:05:08.000 There's people being demanded to get into ERs.

00:05:11.000 They're like, show me the ER. It's like, God!

00:05:14.000 Well, then there's TikTok with nurses.

00:05:15.000 See, here's the deal.

00:05:16.000 Yeah, that's crazy.

00:05:17.000 Well, here's the deal.

00:05:18.000 There are some places where the hospitals are overwhelmed, and there's some places where the hospitals are empty.

00:05:24.000 You know why?

00:05:24.000 Yeah.

00:05:25.000 Because the world's big!

00:05:26.000 Yeah.

00:05:27.000 It's just like grizzly bears.

00:05:27.000 Okay?

00:05:28.000 Right.

00:05:29.000 You know, if you're like, well, grizzly bears are almost extinct. 1.00

00:05:32.000 Go to fucking Wyoming and get eaten. 0.99

00:05:34.000 If you're in Wyoming and you're camping, you might get eaten. 1.00

00:05:38.000 They're there.

00:05:39.000 There's a lot of them in Montana.

00:05:41.000 They're there.

00:05:42.000 But they're not in New York City.

00:05:44.000 But even in a hospital that's not busy, some nurse has got to go, let's not do the TikTok dance.

00:05:50.000 Today.

00:05:51.000 I don't know.

00:05:52.000 Some nurse has got to go, hey guys, let's not do the TikTok dance today. 1.00

00:05:57.000 Bullshit. 1.00

00:05:57.000 Cut them a break. 1.00

00:05:58.000 I don't know. 0.99

00:05:59.000 They should be able to do whatever the fuck they want. 0.99

00:06:00.000 I don't know, man. 0.98

00:06:01.000 Even if you're in an empty hospital and you're a nurse, you might deal with a COVID-19 patient.

00:06:05.000 You might get it.

00:06:06.000 You might die.

00:06:06.000 That's tough.

00:06:07.000 Yeah.

00:06:07.000 It's very bad.

00:06:08.000 I say let them dance.

00:06:10.000 Okay.

00:06:11.000 I don't know. 0.97

00:06:12.000 How do they get those balloons to puff their asses out? 1.00

00:06:14.000 Well, this is what I mean. 0.97

00:06:15.000 I mean, this is what I mean.

00:06:17.000 There's probably COVID patients dying while they're doing that, you know?

00:06:20.000 Maybe not, though.

00:06:21.000 I don't know.

00:06:21.000 Who knows?

00:06:22.000 That's possible, too.

00:06:23.000 I don't know what to believe.

00:06:24.000 I don't know.

00:06:25.000 One day I wake up, I go, this virus is fake.

00:06:28.000 The next...

00:06:30.000 The next day I wake up, I go, I'm gonna die today.

00:06:33.000 So I don't know what to believe.

00:06:35.000 You know when it gets me?

00:06:36.000 Yeah.

00:06:36.000 In the middle of the night.

00:06:37.000 In the middle of the night. 0.99

00:06:39.000 Because I'm a moron and I like to drink a lot of water before I go to bed. 1.00

00:06:43.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:06:44.000 Like an asshole. 1.00

00:06:44.000 Okay. 1.00

00:06:45.000 So I wake up at like 3 o'clock in the morning.

00:06:47.000 I'll convince myself I don't have to pee.

00:06:49.000 I'm like, please, just stay in bed.

00:06:51.000 Yeah. 0.77

00:06:51.000 And then I get up and piss like a racehorse. 0.77

00:06:53.000 And while I'm peeing, then I start thinking.

00:06:53.000 Yeah.

00:06:55.000 Like, what if it changes?

00:06:56.000 What if it gets worse?

00:06:57.000 What if it becomes like the H1N1 flu?

00:07:00.000 What if it, you know, it becomes as deadly as one of these horrific flus, but transmits the same way that this one?

00:07:07.000 You know, it's like running all these scenarios.

00:07:09.000 Well, it's interesting.

00:07:10.000 It's like, I also think about, and I'm not saying the virus is not...

00:07:15.000 I mean, I don't know.

00:07:16.000 People say it could be man-made.

00:07:18.000 But look at the world before this happened, right?

00:07:20.000 You had the Yellow Vest protests in France.

00:07:22.000 You had the Hong Kong protests.

00:07:24.000 You had a lot of populist movements, a lot of uprisings in first world countries like France.

00:07:31.000 You saw things happening that you didn't see before.

00:07:34.000 And after the virus, you know, after this has gotten bad, now that's impossible.

00:07:41.000 I mean, you can't protest.

00:07:42.000 You can't do anything now.

00:07:43.000 You can't leave your house.

00:07:44.000 But I think it's way more likely that what we're dealing with is just a virus.

00:07:44.000 Yes.

00:07:50.000 Sure.

00:07:50.000 And that this is the consequences of the virus is that things are getting locked down.

00:07:53.000 What's really bothering me is this idea that once you get control of people, that they're not going to let go.

00:08:04.000 If they start taking away civil liberties, if they start moving you through checkpoints when you're on travel and you're on your car, you have to wait and they have to scan you or check your temperature.

00:08:17.000 That stuff, I mean, are they going to let that go once a vaccine gets through?

00:08:21.000 No.

00:08:22.000 I mean, it's like 9-11.

00:08:23.000 All of that is still left in place, right?

00:08:25.000 All the powers that the federal government gave themselves after 9-11 have only been expanded in the years since.

00:08:34.000 Obama only expanded Bush-era executive power, and he's been able to do.

00:08:39.000 And now everybody's concerned now, but it's like the time to be concerned was probably a long time ago.

00:08:45.000 Because now these things have become so big and so Orwellian.

00:08:49.000 But yeah, this is going to be a problem.

00:08:51.000 I think it'll be possible that you won't be able to get into maybe a sporting event or a concert without walking through some type of infrared sensor that detects if you have a fever.

00:09:00.000 Yeah, for sure.

00:09:01.000 Well, they're doing it in China.

00:09:03.000 In China, they're testing your temperature.

00:09:05.000 The fever gun.

00:09:05.000 Yeah, they have a little gun and test your forehead.

00:09:07.000 And if you have a temperature, they cremate you.

00:09:11.000 They cremate you and put you in an urn.

00:09:13.000 So it's a good way to get the virus when it's young.

00:09:16.000 Did you see the protests that they did have where the people were protesting because they're building a crematorium near them?

00:09:22.000 No.

00:09:23.000 That's hilarious.

00:09:24.000 Yeah, it's dark.

00:09:25.000 I mean, it's dark, so they don't want a crematorium near them.

00:09:28.000 Well, it's not that.

00:09:29.000 They're protesting for a bunch of reasons, but the real concern is that they're killing people that have the disease.

00:09:36.000 The real concern is that they're lying about the number of people that died from the disease.

00:09:40.000 Like, only 3,000 people died from the disease.

00:09:43.000 200,000 had it, but we killed them.

00:09:45.000 Right.

00:09:46.000 10 million had it, but they're in an urn.

00:09:49.000 You got it?

00:09:50.000 Well, the 21 million cell phone thing was spooky.

00:09:53.000 Locals protest against cremation of...

00:09:55.000 No, that's not it.

00:09:56.000 No, there's a crematorium.

00:09:58.000 Here, I'll send it to you.

00:09:59.000 Just give me a second.

00:10:03.000 China's efficient.

00:10:04.000 Here's the thing with China. 0.99

00:10:04.000 They're an efficient country. 0.99

00:10:06.000 And they're not emotional.

00:10:08.000 No.

00:10:09.000 And they get things done.

00:10:10.000 Efficient's a weird way of putting it.

00:10:11.000 Well, I'm putting a positive spin on it.

00:10:13.000 Yeah.

00:10:14.000 But I'm sure that, you know, listen, there are negatives to that level of efficiency.

00:10:19.000 Here, Jamie, I'm sending it to you right now.

00:10:22.000 Protests break out in China last month over crematorium plans in Maoming.

00:10:26.000 Yeah, Chinese riot police fire tear gas and beat up protesters at Guangdong Province.

00:10:36.000 Have you ever been there?

00:10:37.000 You ever did shows there or anything like that?

00:10:38.000 No, but I have gone through the airport in Taiwan, which they won't admit.

00:10:45.000 It's like Taiwan is not a part of China, according to them.

00:10:48.000 But China thinks Taiwan doesn't exist.

00:10:52.000 And so the World Health Organization, did you see that whole thing where the guy wouldn't admit that Taiwan was a place?

00:10:57.000 They were asking him about Taiwan.

00:10:59.000 He's like, I think China's done a wonderful job.

00:11:00.000 What about Taiwan?

00:11:02.000 He's like, Click.

00:11:03.000 Came back.

00:11:03.000 Hang out.

00:11:04.000 Just, well, we'd lost you right before we were talking about Taiwan.

00:11:07.000 He's like, yes, well, let's move on.

00:11:09.000 I think China's done a wonderful job.

00:11:13.000 It's a real country.

00:11:14.000 They're in the pocket of China, for sure. 0.98

00:11:17.000 But when we were there, what's shocking is they're accustomed to violating people's space.

00:11:23.000 They just bump into you.

00:11:25.000 The people?

00:11:27.000 Yeah, they walk right through you.

00:11:28.000 Well, there's so many of them, right?

00:11:29.000 They're used to just walking right through you.

00:11:31.000 But I saw this old lady walk right through my 10-year-old, just walk right through her on a plane, just boom, knocked her out of the way. 1.00

00:11:37.000 My daughter's like, what the fuck? 1.00

00:11:39.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:11:40.000 She just got fucked up by an elderly Chinese woman. 1.00

00:11:43.000 It was this weird thing. 1.00

00:11:44.000 It's like, okay, if we were in Alabama, I would fucking crack this lady. 1.00

00:11:48.000 Right. 0.99

00:11:49.000 But here we are in China.

00:11:50.000 It's their culture.

00:11:51.000 Yeah, I'm like, all right.

00:11:52.000 Yeah.

00:11:52.000 Okay.

00:11:53.000 Yeah, you just got to let it go.

00:11:54.000 It's just how it goes.

00:11:55.000 She's not being rude.

00:11:57.000 This is like a part of what they do.

00:11:58.000 This is what they do.

00:11:59.000 They just walk right over people.

00:12:00.000 Yeah, it's a lot of people.

00:12:01.000 That's why China's like, we can stand to lose a few. 0.99

00:12:04.000 Yeah.

00:12:05.000 Well, they definitely have a lower value of people.

00:12:08.000 I mean, that just makes sense.

00:12:08.000 Yeah.

00:12:10.000 If there's a billion people, you care about them less.

00:12:14.000 Yeah.

00:12:15.000 We don't care about the numbers.

00:12:15.000 I don't know how much.

00:12:16.000 Yeah, we don't care about people here that much, though.

00:12:19.000 Yeah.

00:12:19.000 You don't think so?

00:12:19.000 Here?

00:12:20.000 No.

00:12:20.000 I mean, not that much.

00:12:21.000 Well, if we didn't care about people, we wouldn't be doing what we're doing.

00:12:23.000 I know that we do care about people, but we also have a lot of people going out, exposed, working in supermarkets, places like that, and we're not doing anything for them.

00:12:35.000 Well, they wear masks.

00:12:37.000 What are we doing for them?

00:12:38.000 Well, some of them don't have masks.

00:12:39.000 I mean, I think that those people should get paid holiday pay or extra pay.

00:12:43.000 Hazard pay.

00:12:44.000 They should be given the right equipment.

00:12:47.000 They should probably give them some low-interest-rate loans.

00:12:52.000 I think this is just a function of the fact that the supermarkets weren't prepared for a pandemic.

00:12:56.000 I don't think that they don't care.

00:12:58.000 But they're also...

00:12:59.000 I think, if you just look at the fact that we shut everything down, well, why did we shut everything down?

00:13:04.000 We shut everything down to protect old people. 1.00

00:13:06.000 This is the whole idea behind this.

00:13:08.000 Old people and vulnerable people.

00:13:10.000 Yeah, I know some young people die, but it's a very low percentage.

00:13:13.000 Yes, it's mainly old people. 0.99

00:13:14.000 It's mainly old people, and they did a thing on California, how many people died. 1.00

00:13:18.000 We have a very low number of people that have died.

00:13:20.000 I think it was something like 30 people died yesterday, and that was the high.

00:13:24.000 Yeah, that's not bad.

00:13:26.000 No, it's not.

00:13:27.000 It's far less than people who would have died had we let everyone out of their houses.

00:13:31.000 Yeah, most of them were like 65 to 80, and a few of them, like a couple, were 40 to 60. Yeah, which that starts to get young.

00:13:40.000 That gets weird.

00:13:41.000 It gets weird.

00:13:42.000 But you gotta go, okay.

00:13:43.000 High risk category.

00:13:44.000 What happened?

00:13:46.000 Were you on some other medication that made you vulnerable?

00:13:50.000 Were you ill already?

00:13:52.000 Did you have some sort of a lung disorder?

00:13:54.000 Were you a smoker?

00:13:55.000 Yeah.

00:13:55.000 A lot of smokers are getting it hard, man.

00:13:57.000 Yeah.

00:13:57.000 I mean, I don't smoke every day, but I'll have a cigarette occasionally, like outside a comedy store.

00:14:01.000 And now I don't do that at all because I don't want to be, you know, drowning.

00:14:07.000 You know, they say you feel like you're drowning when you have this.

00:14:09.000 You feel like you can't get a breath because you're drowning.

00:14:12.000 I mean, I don't want...

00:14:12.000 No cigarette is worth that.

00:14:14.000 Well, that's also how you die.

00:14:16.000 Well, that's a good point.

00:14:17.000 Years from now.

00:14:18.000 But if I do have the antibody test, if I have antibodies, I will just smoke an entire pack of Marlboro Lights tonight.

00:14:26.000 See, this is what we were talking about earlier.

00:14:28.000 I don't believe that they know whether or not you can catch this thing twice.

00:14:31.000 I know.

00:14:32.000 That's true.

00:14:33.000 You know, in China, people have tested twice.

00:14:35.000 Well, that could have been a false positive on either end.

00:14:38.000 Or it could be that you get it again.

00:14:40.000 It's true.

00:14:41.000 Yeah, I don't think they know yet.

00:14:42.000 That's true.

00:14:43.000 If this really is some sort of a man-made, concocted virus...

00:14:48.000 Maybe that makes sense.

00:14:49.000 Maybe that makes sense that that's why it's acting so weird.

00:14:53.000 It's different in different people.

00:14:54.000 They don't understand it.

00:14:55.000 I mean, or maybe it's just a really particular, peculiar virus.

00:15:00.000 Right.

00:15:00.000 And that's why it can come back.

00:15:02.000 Yeah.

00:15:03.000 They don't know.

00:15:04.000 But they do know that...

00:15:04.000 They don't know.

00:15:05.000 I mean, this is a big NPR article.

00:15:07.000 People are testing positive again who had been confirmed as negative in Wuhan.

00:15:11.000 I think, yeah, in China and then Korea, they had a few of those cases.

00:15:15.000 I trust the Korean ones way more than the Chinese ones. 1.00

00:15:18.000 South Korea, yeah.

00:15:19.000 South Korea said 14% or something amount of people seem to have tested positive again.

00:15:24.000 I mean, which is scary because that could be another strain.

00:15:26.000 Or it could be like herpes.

00:15:28.000 It stays in your system and pops out again.

00:15:30.000 Like when your immune system is down.

00:15:31.000 Or if we've all had it in five years, we're all going to die.

00:15:34.000 You know, my buddy Justin Ren, he has this non-profit charity organization, Fight for the Forgotten.

00:15:41.000 They build wells for the pygmies in the Congo. 1.00

00:15:43.000 Yeah, and he got malaria when he was in the Congo, and he got it again.

00:15:47.000 He's got it three times, but he got it one time when he got sick when he's home.

00:15:51.000 He got sick at home, and then malaria came back.

00:15:55.000 Oh, it came back.

00:15:56.000 Wow.

00:15:57.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:15:58.000 That's fucked. 1.00

00:15:59.000 That's fucked. 1.00

00:15:59.000 So it was like it was somehow or another dormant in his system, and then when his immune system was shattered by whatever cold or flu he got, The malaria kicked back in again. 1.00

00:16:09.000 Did he take that hydroxychloroquine?

00:16:11.000 I don't know what he took. 1.00

00:16:12.000 He's taken a bunch of different shit. 1.00

00:16:13.000 And he actually got really sick. 0.99

00:16:15.000 What was that stuff that he said he got sick from, Jamie?

00:16:19.000 He actually had toxic doses of this one malaria medication.

00:16:24.000 They've had issues with soldiers and people that are deployed in malaria-infested areas where they take this stuff and they get this toxic...

00:16:32.000 Reaction to this stuff, and he had taken much more than they were taking.

00:16:35.000 He had taken a very large dose, and he didn't know that it was really toxic until too late.

00:16:39.000 Well, yeah, that drug, hydroxychloroquine, is working.

00:16:43.000 People say that it is.

00:16:44.000 I've talked to doctors that say it is absolutely helping people, but it's a very serious drug, so you have to be careful with it.

00:16:50.000 But they say it's like the Lazarus effect.

00:16:51.000 People are getting up and walking out of hospitals, you know?

00:16:54.000 Like, it is doing that, the azithromycin.

00:16:56.000 That's nice to think.

00:16:57.000 It's good to think.

00:16:59.000 Whitney has some of it in her house.

00:17:00.000 Does she?

00:17:01.000 Of course she does.

00:17:02.000 Yeah, she's got it all.

00:17:03.000 She's got a ventilator. 1.00

00:17:04.000 She's killing it. 1.00

00:17:05.000 She has a ventilator? 1.00

00:17:06.000 She's got two ventilators. 1.00

00:17:07.000 No, I'm kidding.

00:17:07.000 I'm joking.

00:17:09.000 I don't want to get her in trouble.

00:17:10.000 No, she's got the hydroxy. 1.00

00:17:12.000 She's got azithromycin. 1.00

00:17:13.000 I mean, she's ready.

00:17:14.000 She's ready to go.

00:17:15.000 But that's the thing.

00:17:16.000 If you've done well and you're successful, you can go out and get all the things.

00:17:20.000 Yeah.

00:17:21.000 You know, that's partially, you know, guys like me are in trouble, but, you know, guys like yourself, you could get a ventilator.

00:17:27.000 I'll hook you up.

00:17:28.000 You could have a ventilator immediately, almost, if you wanted a ventilator.

00:17:33.000 That's great.

00:17:34.000 I'm much more concerned with strengthening my immune system.

00:17:38.000 Right.

00:17:38.000 You know, that's what I'm doing.

00:17:39.000 Do you think we take too many over-the-counter medications and that kills our immune system?

00:17:43.000 Well, for some people, they definitely do.

00:17:45.000 Some people take a lot of antibiotics.

00:17:47.000 Because my mother growing up would take Sudafed, you take all that stuff. 1.00

00:17:51.000 That stuff's terrible for you.

00:17:52.000 It's bad for you, yeah.

00:17:53.000 Well, one of the things is ibuprofen.

00:17:55.000 Michael Yeo told me that one of his buddies, who's a doctor, when he was feeling really shitty before they diagnosed him with COVID-19, his doctor said, or this doctor, who's a friend of his, said, take, I believe he said, take three Advil,

00:18:12.000 or three to five, I forget what the number was, every, what is it, how many milligrams are they?

00:18:19.000 100 milligrams?

00:18:20.000 I think he told them, take three every five hours.

00:18:20.000 I don't know.

00:18:24.000 And he said he immediately got much worse.

00:18:26.000 And I've heard this from many people.

00:18:28.000 Now, I don't know if there's a connection, and I've read that there isn't a connection.

00:18:31.000 But according to Michael Yeo, that was when it was a tipping point for him, when he started taking ibuprofen.

00:18:37.000 These non-steroidal anti-inflammatories.

00:18:39.000 That stuff is terrible for you.

00:18:41.000 France said not to take it.

00:18:42.000 France said take acetaminophen.

00:18:44.000 Take the other...

00:18:44.000 Veterans say report on anti-malaric drugs.

00:18:48.000 That's right.

00:18:50.000 Methloquine downplays side effects.

00:18:53.000 See, that's the stuff that Justin took.

00:18:57.000 Yeah, and he took a huge dose of it. 0.99

00:18:59.000 And he got really fucked up from that stuff, too. 0.95

00:19:03.000 So that's what disturbs me, is that things could be a virus that stays somehow or another in your body. 0.98

00:19:12.000 Yeah, that's creepy.

00:19:13.000 Herpes is a virus, right?

00:19:15.000 I think so.

00:19:16.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:19:16.000 You keep that shit for life. 1.00

00:19:17.000 You keep it forever. 1.00

00:19:18.000 HIV you keep forever. 0.68

00:19:19.000 So these are, yeah.

00:19:20.000 Yeah.

00:19:21.000 Well, HIV, at least your body tests negative.

00:19:23.000 Are they only testing for the antibodies when we take this test?

00:19:28.000 Yes.

00:19:28.000 Okay.

00:19:29.000 Well, they can do the test test if you'd like the test test.

00:19:31.000 They do a swab.

00:19:32.000 Don't be scared.

00:19:34.000 Yeah.

00:19:34.000 Come on, bro.

00:19:35.000 I think it would be funny if people were getting negative for a corona, but then somebody's like, you do have HIV. That would be hilarious to me.

00:19:42.000 HIV is not that big a deal anymore.

00:19:42.000 It's not a big deal.

00:19:43.000 For me, it would be fine.

00:19:43.000 Yeah.

00:19:44.000 The doctor would be like, it's the healthiest thing about you.

00:19:46.000 HIV. They'd be like, AIDS helps you.

00:19:48.000 We'd be like, this is great.

00:19:49.000 AIDS is fighting off the flu.

00:19:51.000 Have you had the thing done?

00:19:52.000 AIDS is like, he's mine. 0.99

00:19:53.000 Yeah, right.

00:19:54.000 Yeah, I had the antibody done.

00:19:56.000 I don't have anything.

00:19:57.000 I was hoping I had the antibodies.

00:19:59.000 I want the antibodies.

00:20:00.000 I was hoping that I'd caught it.

00:20:02.000 I want the antibodies.

00:20:03.000 So then Meghan McCain could go to Wuhan, eat a bat. 1.00

00:20:06.000 Eat a bat.

00:20:07.000 That would be fun.

00:20:09.000 Could I fly to China?

00:20:10.000 Would I be allowed to fly to China if I had the antibodies?

00:20:13.000 I'm going to Wuhan.

00:20:14.000 You should do a comedy special as Meghan McCain.

00:20:17.000 Your whole special as Meghan. 0.98

00:20:19.000 She's already going to have me killed. 1.00

00:20:20.000 So I left her alone. 0.97

00:20:22.000 She had a pregnancy announcement.

00:20:23.000 I'm like, I'm not going to do a joke about that.

00:20:25.000 God bless.

00:20:25.000 Congrats.

00:20:26.000 She hates me.

00:20:27.000 Do you think she does?

00:20:28.000 Yeah, I know somebody who knows her well.

00:20:30.000 She doesn't like me.

00:20:31.000 You know, it is what it is.

00:20:32.000 I get it.

00:20:33.000 But I don't get it.

00:20:33.000 It's fine.

00:20:34.000 A lot of the people I've made fun of in that sense don't like me.

00:20:37.000 Okay, but you're not really her.

00:20:40.000 I know.

00:20:41.000 You're doing a character.

00:20:42.000 It should be funny.

00:20:43.000 That is true.

00:20:43.000 I agree.

00:20:44.000 But people are very sensitive.

00:20:46.000 We live in a very sensitive world.

00:20:48.000 I guess. 1.00

00:20:49.000 And I did say she wanted to have sex with her dad. 1.00

00:20:52.000 Yeah, but it was funny. 1.00

00:20:52.000 Very funny. 1.00

00:20:54.000 But part of that, I think, disturbed her.

00:20:57.000 What made her mad is that she told a friend of mine, she goes, I didn't like that he made fun of my weight, which is interesting.

00:21:04.000 Oh, that's hilarious.

00:21:05.000 I said she had a baby with her dad.

00:21:06.000 She didn't care about that. 0.57

00:21:07.000 That's the weight thing.

00:21:08.000 But you know, a big guy putting a wig on saying, I'm you.

00:21:11.000 It's not exactly, it's not, you know, pause.

00:21:15.000 It's not flattering.

00:21:16.000 That's the word.

00:21:17.000 It's not flattering.

00:21:18.000 But comedy rarely is. 0.98

00:21:20.000 But now in a pandemic, the woke shit's got to be over now, right? 0.99

00:21:24.000 It's coming back, man. 0.99

00:21:24.000 It's not. 0.99

00:21:25.000 We're in a pandemic.

00:21:26.000 I understand, but the liberals have been home with nothing to do for a month, and then they're firing it up again.

00:21:31.000 They're writing articles like, this is a gendered crisis. 1.00

00:21:34.000 Nurses or women, it's like, oh God, enough! 1.00

00:21:37.000 Well, Bill Maher went hard to paint.

00:21:40.000 He was right.

00:21:40.000 He did.

00:21:41.000 He was right.

00:21:42.000 Yeah.

00:21:42.000 He was also not totally right, because he was defending the use of the term Chinese virus.

00:21:48.000 But really, correctly termed, it would be the Wuhan virus.

00:21:52.000 Yeah, but everyone knows that it originated in China.

00:21:56.000 Yes, but if you called it the Wuhan virus, it would be historically accurate.

00:22:01.000 Right, because racists who were going to do hate crimes wouldn't know if Wuhan was in China.

00:22:05.000 They would be like, is it somewhere else?

00:22:07.000 No, that's not what I'm saying.

00:22:08.000 You're generalizing an entire continent, or an entire country at least, an enormous country.

00:22:13.000 It's just a subset, a small section of it that had the virus.

00:22:16.000 Well, it's like the examples he used was like Lyme disease came from Lyme, Connecticut.

00:22:20.000 But if something came out of Colorado and it was killing everybody in China, would they say in China, would they call it that in China, or would they say the U.S. flu, the American bug?

00:22:32.000 I don't know.

00:22:32.000 I've never talked to someone in Chinese.

00:22:34.000 I mean, it's a way to generalize it.

00:22:37.000 It's sloppy, but listen, this is the way it's been done for years.

00:22:40.000 Yeah, but there's a clear reason why...

00:22:42.000 Look, Trump, first of all, they were in heated trade negotiations with China.

00:22:46.000 Right.

00:22:47.000 So he wants to rub it in their face. 0.90

00:22:48.000 China.

00:22:49.000 China, yeah.

00:22:50.000 And he also wants to take...

00:22:50.000 China.

00:22:52.000 A tension away from the fact that we were not prepared, and he knew, and everyone knew, not only him, Nancy Pelosi, all of these people, even Fauci, all of these guys came out and said, this is nothing to worry about.

00:23:03.000 But Trump is the president.

00:23:05.000 The buck stops with him.

00:23:06.000 He could have ordered tests.

00:23:08.000 He could have been more vigilant, and he didn't do it.

00:23:10.000 Well, they were all saying not to worry about it.

00:23:13.000 Everyone.

00:23:14.000 The World Health Organization in January was saying that it does not transmit from person to person.

00:23:21.000 Yeah, but if you listen, if you're skeptical of China and you're skeptical of the World Health Organization, as he's very skeptical of China, you gotta...

00:23:29.000 But the World Health Organization up until then had not been criticized the way it's been criticized now.

00:23:34.000 Of course, but you still have to, I think, if you're the president, you're in a leadership position, you have to be like, wait a minute, what are we not knowing?

00:23:41.000 The CIA wrote him a memo saying this could be a big problem.

00:23:44.000 Yeah.

00:23:44.000 I mean, we were watching it happen for two months in another country.

00:23:48.000 We were watching this happen in China.

00:23:49.000 And I'm not saying that he could have prevented the pandemic, but like, dude, get the tests.

00:23:55.000 Give them to New York.

00:23:56.000 Give them to certain big areas, you know?

00:23:59.000 Scale up the testing.

00:24:00.000 So what do you think he did wrong?

00:24:02.000 He didn't scale up the testing?

00:24:03.000 No, he didn't scale up the testing.

00:24:04.000 I don't know if it's him.

00:24:05.000 First of all, is it him?

00:24:07.000 Is he the one who does this?

00:24:08.000 He's the president.

00:24:09.000 Okay, but stop.

00:24:10.000 Do you even know?

00:24:12.000 When you say he should have done this, do you even know what was possible to do?

00:24:15.000 Yeah, I think he could.

00:24:16.000 Well, first of all, the Defense Production Act, which I don't think he could have invoked that after this happened to force companies to make certain things.

00:24:23.000 Right, but there was a lot of people that were thinking that this was just going to be like the flu.

00:24:28.000 If the President of the United States said, we need more tests for this, absolutely we would have had more tests.

00:24:32.000 But do you understand they didn't even have a test?

00:24:35.000 Because it's a novel coronavirus?

00:24:36.000 It's a new thing.

00:24:37.000 Yeah, but there were tests in other countries that were being used.

00:24:39.000 I mean, Germany did this, right? 0.96

00:24:41.000 What did they do?

00:24:42.000 They had more testing.

00:24:43.000 They've kept their mortality rates down.

00:24:45.000 They've kept their mortality rates down.

00:24:47.000 They think there's a bunch of reasons why Germany kept their mortality rates down.

00:24:50.000 But here's the other thing.

00:24:52.000 They follow rules better.

00:24:53.000 Taiwan did it.

00:24:54.000 I mean, now they're having second waves.

00:24:56.000 But up until recently, Taiwan had very few cases just right by China.

00:25:00.000 But again, a lot of it was testing.

00:25:02.000 So, I mean, I think the China virus issue helps him deflect from any...

00:25:06.000 And I mean, listen, you can't go out during a pandemic when nurses are wearing garbage bags and falling down and go, hey, my press conferences are getting the biggest ratings they've ever gotten. 0.93

00:25:15.000 No, that was the dumbest thing I've ever seen in my life. 0.86

00:25:17.000 I mean, you can't do that. 1.00

00:25:17.000 I mean, that's crazy. 1.00

00:25:18.000 No, that was just crazy.

00:25:20.000 Crazy.

00:25:20.000 But that's him.

00:25:21.000 He's a fucking weird guy, man. 1.00

00:25:23.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:25:24.000 But he also did shut down travel from China quickly.

00:25:27.000 That was good.

00:25:27.000 That was smart.

00:25:28.000 And people were saying he was a racist.

00:25:29.000 Well, yeah.

00:25:30.000 Well, Chuck Schumer should be held to account for that.

00:25:32.000 Yeah.

00:25:32.000 Yeah, absolutely.

00:25:32.000 They really should because that was the correct thing to do.

00:25:35.000 I don't think he could have prevented this.

00:25:36.000 I'm just saying there's got to be a better system than the one we have where states are bidding for this equipment.

00:25:43.000 There's got to be a way.

00:25:45.000 And that $1,200 stimulus that people are going to get is not helping anybody.

00:25:49.000 No, that's not enough.

00:25:50.000 No.

00:25:50.000 But when you say states are bidding, what are you talking about?

00:25:52.000 I mean states are – I don't think the federal government has the ability or we don't have the ability to get states' equipment.

00:26:00.000 So states are like bidding for it.

00:26:01.000 There's something going on where like a lot of states are going outside the system to like secure their – which part of their responsibility is to do.

00:26:09.000 But it's just – there's got to be a better system going forward.

00:26:12.000 Yeah.

00:26:12.000 Well, they didn't see this coming.

00:26:14.000 I mean, in terms of needing ventilators.

00:26:16.000 Like, you go back to November or December.

00:26:18.000 Nobody thought that three months from now the entire country is going to be shut down and we're going to need ventilators everywhere.

00:26:23.000 No, of course not.

00:26:24.000 And some hospitals may not need ventilators.

00:26:26.000 But you've got to look at a city like New York and you've got to look at what's happening in China and you've got to go, there's a high population density there.

00:26:31.000 We should probably try to shore up some of those hospitals.

00:26:34.000 Yeah.

00:26:35.000 I mean, otherwise, what the hell does, you know, what's the point?

00:26:38.000 But isn't it the people who run the hospitals, the administration of the hospitals, isn't their responsibility to make sure that they have PPE in place?

00:26:44.000 The fact these people are wearing garbage bags, they don't have enough masks.

00:26:47.000 Well, I don't think any hospital is prepared for a pandemic.

00:26:50.000 Well, why don't they?

00:26:51.000 Well, I mean, the hospitals.

00:26:53.000 I think certain people have to direct them to do that, right? 0.97

00:26:55.000 But when you're talking about just masks, how the fuck don't they have a large supply of masks on hand? 0.51

00:27:00.000 It's not financially prohibitive. 0.95

00:27:02.000 That I don't know.

00:27:02.000 I mean, that I don't know.

00:27:03.000 I have no idea.

00:27:04.000 They know now.

00:27:05.000 But there's got to be some responsibility.

00:27:09.000 It might be state government, could be local government, but there's got to be some responsibility. 0.99

00:27:14.000 Somebody fucked up. 1.00

00:27:15.000 Somebody fucked up. 0.99

00:27:16.000 But it's also a new thing. 0.99

00:27:17.000 I mean, we haven't had to deal with something like this before.

00:27:20.000 Well, we had H1N1. We had swine flu, right?

00:27:22.000 How'd they stop that?

00:27:23.000 I don't know, but that didn't seem- You know Burt had that?

00:27:25.000 Did Burt have it?

00:27:25.000 Yeah, Burt.

00:27:26.000 That's hilarious.

00:27:26.000 Burt almost died, he said.

00:27:28.000 Really?

00:27:28.000 Well, that's not funny.

00:27:29.000 Sorry.

00:27:29.000 Yeah, he said he was sick as he's ever been, in constant pain, said he couldn't sleep.

00:27:34.000 I don't remember hearing that much about swine flu, about H1N1. He could have just been drunk.

00:27:38.000 He was probably hammered.

00:27:39.000 He probably saw something about swine flu as he was passing out, and he's like, that's why I have swine flu.

00:27:46.000 That's what I have.

00:27:47.000 I don't know, man.

00:27:49.000 I mean, all we're doing is just talking.

00:27:52.000 This is the thing.

00:27:52.000 It's like everybody's sort of talking around in circles, and we're hoping it gets better.

00:27:57.000 I tell people I'm a microbiologist now, because nobody knows anything, so I can know as much as anyone else.

00:28:02.000 And the governor wants to shut down this state for another month.

00:28:06.000 Today's the 13th, another month and two days, which is kind of crazy.

00:28:10.000 It's not going to happen.

00:28:11.000 I don't know if that'll happen.

00:28:12.000 What do you mean?

00:28:13.000 He's the governor.

00:28:14.000 People are going to go out.

00:28:16.000 You know, my friend called me the other day.

00:28:18.000 He goes, hey, man, you want to come to an Easter thing?

00:28:20.000 I'm like, wait, what?

00:28:21.000 He's like, yeah, it's only like 12 people.

00:28:23.000 I'm like, I don't think that's...

00:28:24.000 Coughing on each other.

00:28:25.000 Yeah!

00:28:25.000 I'm like, you know, and then he sent me pictures of it.

00:28:27.000 It looked beautiful.

00:28:28.000 Where was it?

00:28:29.000 It was in Beverly Hills.

00:28:30.000 What if three weeks later, half of them are dead? 0.99

00:28:32.000 Well, I mean, hopefully they are, you know, because I didn't go, so I hope they die. 1.00

00:28:37.000 I hope they drop dead. 1.00

00:28:38.000 I hope they made a good decision. 1.00

00:28:39.000 Yeah.

00:28:39.000 I look now and I want to choose who dies.

00:28:42.000 I go, I'd like them to go.

00:28:44.000 Who do you choose?

00:28:45.000 Just friends of mine that I've had enough of.

00:28:47.000 Just people I could, you know.

00:28:48.000 What gets you?

00:28:50.000 You know what gets me?

00:28:51.000 Yeah.

00:28:51.000 When they lie about how well they did on stage?

00:28:54.000 Well, that's annoying.

00:28:55.000 It's time to go.

00:28:55.000 That's annoying.

00:28:56.000 I had a good set.

00:28:57.000 I watched a little bit of it.

00:28:58.000 There was a guy in Long Island who used to tell us all the time when we were very young at comedy, he'd sit in the green room and he would give us a speech about how to do stand-up.

00:29:08.000 And then he'd go on stage and bomb horribly.

00:29:10.000 And then he'd walk off stage and then look at us and he would go, they were good.

00:29:13.000 And he would just walk out.

00:29:14.000 Like he wasn't even there.

00:29:15.000 Some people aren't even there.

00:29:16.000 Yeah.

00:29:17.000 They don't even know what's happening.

00:29:18.000 They don't know if the audience is applauding or not.

00:29:20.000 Well, they put up a shield.

00:29:21.000 They put up some sort of a psychic shield to protect themselves from reality.

00:29:24.000 Not good.

00:29:25.000 A lot of people are doing that.

00:29:27.000 But isn't that the case? 0.99

00:29:28.000 The guys who give the most advice in the green room before they go on stage are the ones who suck the most. 0.99

00:29:33.000 Yeah, it's always horrible. 0.98

00:29:35.000 And I was in sales.

00:29:36.000 Nobody who ever made money gave you advice.

00:29:38.000 They just walked by you like you didn't exist.

00:29:40.000 Everyone who sits down is true.

00:29:43.000 Everybody who's making money walks by you like you're not real.

00:29:47.000 When somebody starts bullshitting, like in sales, I used to give people advice.

00:29:52.000 I would close no deals.

00:29:53.000 I'd make no money.

00:29:54.000 I would literally make no money.

00:29:56.000 What were you selling?

00:29:56.000 I was selling subprime mortgages.

00:29:58.000 Oh, boy.

00:29:59.000 Yeah, but it was good for a while.

00:30:01.000 And then the government got involved and ruined that.

00:30:03.000 Ruin that.

00:30:04.000 We were just trying to help people.

00:30:06.000 Yeah.

00:30:06.000 And, you know, we were.

00:30:08.000 People deserve homes, Joe, whether they have jobs or not.

00:30:11.000 They deserve to have a pool. 0.94

00:30:13.000 They were giving people homes with no jobs.

00:30:14.000 Well, that's the other thing.

00:30:15.000 And then everybody goes back and they're like, the banks robbed all these people.

00:30:20.000 It's like they were in on it.

00:30:21.000 Everyone was in on it.

00:30:22.000 Everybody buying a house, for the most part, knew what they were doing.

00:30:26.000 They all knew.

00:30:27.000 Yeah.

00:30:28.000 You would have to call somebody.

00:30:30.000 They knew, but they thought they could pull it off.

00:30:31.000 You'd have to call somebody and be like, hey, you know your brother owns a Toyota dealership in Queens?

00:30:36.000 Can he say you work there?

00:30:37.000 And they go, yeah, of course.

00:30:39.000 Some guy would just write like, yeah, Sarah works here, she kills it, makes eight grand a month slinging Toyotas on Northern Boulevard. 1.00

00:30:46.000 None of it was true.

00:30:47.000 And then we'd give her a loan for $400,000. 0.93

00:30:49.000 And she'd buy a house.

00:30:50.000 Yeah, and she'd buy a house.

00:30:51.000 And then she'd see those.

00:30:52.000 And then the thing about the changing of the mortgage payments... 0.68

00:30:57.000 That's what really fucked people up.

00:30:59.000 Two years you would get...

00:31:00.000 There was something called the pick a payment option.

00:31:02.000 I mean, it's great.

00:31:03.000 So you had four options to pay.

00:31:05.000 Usually a mortgage, you pay your principal interest, taxes, and insurance.

00:31:09.000 Here you had four.

00:31:10.000 One was like you could pay 1%, like a credit card.

00:31:12.000 You could pay 1%.

00:31:13.000 You could pay only interest.

00:31:15.000 That was the second option.

00:31:16.000 You could pay 30-year regular option.

00:31:19.000 Or you could pay like a 15-year if you really wanted to pay it off quickly.

00:31:22.000 Nobody paid the 15 or the 30. Very few people did the interest only.

00:31:26.000 They did 1%.

00:31:27.000 So that deferred interest.

00:31:29.000 So you would pay your mortgage and it would balloon.

00:31:31.000 It would go up.

00:31:32.000 Like you would pay 1% and your mortgage would go up every year.

00:31:36.000 And then eventually you got to a point where then it would just readjust and your mortgage payment would go up like $2,700.

00:31:42.000 And didn't your mortgage adjust with some of them depending upon the market?

00:31:46.000 Yeah, so like two years into a loan, two or three years into a loan, I had a house.

00:31:49.000 I bought a house that was 22. This was not smart.

00:31:53.000 But when you're drunk and on cocaine, I sold myself a house.

00:31:57.000 How much?

00:31:58.000 $700,000.

00:31:59.000 What?

00:32:00.000 $650,000.

00:32:01.000 No, you didn't.

00:32:02.000 Well, that's a big rule.

00:32:04.000 You're not supposed to scam yourself.

00:32:06.000 I scammed myself.

00:32:08.000 That was, you know, you're on cocaine.

00:32:10.000 You were 22?

00:32:11.000 Yeah, I bought a $650,000 house. 0.99

00:32:14.000 That is fucking hilarious. 0.98

00:32:14.000 In Long Island. 0.98

00:32:15.000 Yeah.

00:32:15.000 It was not the best choice.

00:32:18.000 It was big.

00:32:18.000 It had an acre lot going back.

00:32:21.000 It was deep.

00:32:21.000 I thought they were going to, developers were going to sell like, I would just stand outside mass smoking cigarettes being like, developers are eventually going to buy up my yard.

00:32:28.000 Like I was, you know, on drugs.

00:32:30.000 And I thought this was all gonna work out and I had a two-year mortgage and then it ballooned and it went from what it was to like, you know, it went up like- How much are you paying a month?

00:32:40.000 I think in the beginning, it was $4,400 in the beginning.

00:32:44.000 That was a good payment.

00:32:46.000 And then it would like get- Jesus!

00:32:47.000 Yeah, it was bad.

00:32:48.000 That's a lot.

00:32:48.000 It's a lot of money.

00:32:49.000 In the beginning.

00:32:50.000 It's a lot.

00:32:50.000 It was a lot of money.

00:32:51.000 Yeah, but I rented the house.

00:32:53.000 What did it balloon to?

00:32:53.000 Yeah, I rented the house out.

00:32:54.000 What did it balloon to?

00:32:55.000 It ballooned to like well over six.

00:32:58.000 So, yeah, it was well over six.

00:33:00.000 And then that was the first adjustment.

00:33:02.000 Yeah.

00:33:02.000 You were 22. Holy shit.

00:33:04.000 22. And I was working in mortgages, and I thought it was going to work out. 0.99

00:33:07.000 Like, I thought we were all going to be okay.

00:33:08.000 Because everybody I knew was, you know, 27 years old, and they were making $30,000 a month, and they were driving, like, you know, Porsches.

00:33:16.000 So I said, this is just going to go on forever.

00:33:18.000 So after taxes...

00:33:19.000 And President George W. Bush said we were building an ownership society.

00:33:22.000 You had to make $100,000 a year just to pay your mortgage after taxes.

00:33:26.000 Yeah.

00:33:27.000 Oh, my God.

00:33:27.000 Yeah.

00:33:28.000 Yeah, it was destined to fail.

00:33:33.000 When I look back now, it wasn't smart.

00:33:35.000 Did they take it from you?

00:33:36.000 I don't know.

00:33:37.000 I just left one day.

00:33:38.000 What?

00:33:39.000 I just walked out.

00:33:40.000 Yeah, just one day I left.

00:33:41.000 I mean, you can't stay.

00:33:43.000 Whoever's coming isn't going to be...

00:33:44.000 So they just repossessed it?

00:33:46.000 I would imagine they took it, yes.

00:33:48.000 I mean, it was 10 years ago.

00:33:49.000 Do you have a credit card today?

00:33:50.000 I mean, I'm in LA now dressing up as Meghan McCain, so I just got my credit re-established recently.

00:33:56.000 I just got it re-established, yeah.

00:33:58.000 That's hilarious.

00:33:59.000 Well, it's not good yet.

00:34:01.000 It's got to get built.

00:34:02.000 They give you like seven years.

00:34:02.000 I just write you as a cosigner on everything.

00:34:04.000 I just write Joe Rogan.

00:34:05.000 No, but it's seven years before it fell off the credit report.

00:34:09.000 I had a buddy of mine who knew that he was going to go bankrupt.

00:34:12.000 This was in the 90s, like early 2000s.

00:34:16.000 So he decided what he was going to do was get a bunch of credit cards and run them up.

00:34:22.000 Good for him.

00:34:23.000 That's the American dream.

00:34:24.000 So what he did was just go to strip clubs and go crazy with his credit cards for months and months and months and never paid anything.

00:34:33.000 Yeah, smart.

00:34:34.000 They knew what he was going to do and then went bankrupt.

00:34:36.000 Listen, smart.

00:34:36.000 Trump's done it a bunch.

00:34:38.000 Bankruptcy is the move.

00:34:39.000 I didn't go bankrupt.

00:34:40.000 Did he go bankrupt?

00:34:41.000 His businesses went bankrupt.

00:34:42.000 He filed chapter whatever it is.

00:34:45.000 Yeah, chapter 11. But I mean, it's smart.

00:34:46.000 A lot of people do it.

00:34:47.000 It's the way to live.

00:34:48.000 You know what's interesting?

00:34:49.000 You can never do that with student loans.

00:34:52.000 Well, student loans, because they think that whatever money you make in your life is the direct result of the money they gave you to get that degree.

00:35:00.000 This is what's interesting. 0.98

00:35:01.000 Even if you're not doing anything that has anything to do with that degree, they're like, listen, fucker, we gave you that money so you could be a vet tech. 0.99

00:35:09.000 So you owe us. 0.99

00:35:11.000 You wouldn't be doing your shitty job if not for Sally Mae. 0.99

00:35:14.000 I don't think they even think about it that way. 0.99

00:35:15.000 You don't think so?

00:35:16.000 No. 1.00

00:35:17.000 They just fuck you. 1.00

00:35:18.000 They just take you when you're a kid, when your fucking frontal lobe isn't fully formed, and they force a loan onto you because you don't want to be a loser. 1.00

00:35:27.000 I don't feel bad for any of those kids. 0.99

00:35:29.000 I don't feel bad for any of them.

00:35:31.000 None?

00:35:31.000 Because they could have sold subprime mortgages.

00:35:33.000 You know, fuck them. 1.00

00:35:34.000 Listen, I went to a community college and dropped out. 1.00

00:35:36.000 I don't feel bad for anybody who takes $200,000 out and gets a degree in gender studies. 1.00

00:35:41.000 It's, you know, fuck them. 1.00

00:35:42.000 Whatever. 1.00

00:35:43.000 Pay it.

00:35:43.000 Or don't pay it.

00:35:44.000 Okay.

00:35:44.000 Gender studies, I hear you.

00:35:45.000 Yeah.

00:35:46.000 But the thing is, like, the reason why they're doing it in the first place is because they don't want to be a loser, and then they get strapped down with this insane amount of debt...

00:35:54.000 That's true. 0.97

00:35:54.000 ...that turns them into a loser. 0.97

00:35:56.000 Well, a lot of them aren't losers.

00:35:58.000 A lot of them are just paying back something and it's annoying, right?

00:36:00.000 Dude, there's people that are getting their social security docked.

00:36:04.000 Yeah, and there's people I've heard of selling blood to pay it back.

00:36:08.000 It is bad, but I don't think the majority of them are in that position.

00:36:10.000 But here's the thing.

00:36:10.000 If you buy other things and you go bankrupt, you don't have to pay it back.

00:36:15.000 Right.

00:36:16.000 But you have to pay back your student loans no matter what. 1.00

00:36:18.000 So my advice to those people is to pay the student loans and then fuck everything else. 0.99

00:36:26.000 Or don't get a student loan. 1.00

00:36:28.000 Or don't get a student loan.

00:36:29.000 Just the fact that it operates under a different rule, and it's the one thing that seems not mandatory, but really, really, really enforced.

00:36:40.000 I mean, it's a thing that's, like, encouraged to the extreme.

00:36:44.000 Go to college, get a degree.

00:36:46.000 Well, don't you think that's changing?

00:36:47.000 Don't you think people are going to start to realize that, like, college in and of itself without a very specific goal is probably...

00:36:53.000 And the reason that the student loans are this expensive is because the government backs them, right?

00:36:58.000 So that's the whole reason they're expensive.

00:37:00.000 Because the government guarantees them.

00:37:02.000 It's the same reason that a lot of healthcare is expensive.

00:37:04.000 It's like companies know a percentage of it is going to be paid by the government.

00:37:08.000 It's guaranteed.

00:37:09.000 So I think you just got to kind of decouple The government from a lot of these schools, and then schools are like, okay, we can't charge $40,000 a year because no one will pay it.

00:37:19.000 Well, what I'm hoping is that it's going to be like...

00:37:21.000 My kids right now are in virtual school.

00:37:24.000 Interesting.

00:37:25.000 They're home, and they're sitting in front of the computer, and the teacher gives them examples, and they talk about things.

00:37:31.000 The teacher can see them in little windows.

00:37:33.000 Is it like Zoom?

00:37:35.000 It's Zoom.

00:37:35.000 Everything's on Zoom.

00:37:36.000 Our whole life is on Zoom.

00:37:37.000 The teacher can click on each individual person, see them full screen, and ask them about stuff.

00:37:42.000 The kids can talk about it.

00:37:44.000 It's real weird, man, because here's the thing. 0.87

00:37:49.000 If you're paying whatever the fuck you're paying for, say, if you're going to Yale, what does that cost a year? 0.92

00:37:59.000 70 grand, 60 grand, something very expensive. 0.98

00:38:01.000 A lot of these courses are available right now online.

00:38:05.000 So you could just take a Yale course.

00:38:07.000 Well, I know MIT has.

00:38:09.000 Didn't Lex Friedman talk about that?

00:38:11.000 That the courses are all available online for free.

00:38:14.000 Interesting.

00:38:15.000 So you can go there in person, but that seems so retro.

00:38:19.000 Why do you have to go to a physical place?

00:38:21.000 I guess there's a good social...

00:38:25.000 People can't watch their kids, right?

00:38:27.000 That's the big problem.

00:38:28.000 It's really childcare.

00:38:29.000 If you look at what schools are, it's a way to get your kid out of your hair for 8 or 10 hours a day because most people have to go to work.

00:38:35.000 They can't afford to pay somebody to watch their kids.

00:38:39.000 What do you mean?

00:38:40.000 You mean school for little kids?

00:38:41.000 Yeah, for little kids.

00:38:42.000 Or even in high school.

00:38:45.000 Well, there's a little bit of that, but there's a lot that they learn.

00:38:48.000 Some people need structured environments.

00:38:50.000 There's a lot they learn socially.

00:38:51.000 Yes, that's true, too.

00:38:52.000 It's very important for them.

00:38:53.000 It's not just structured environment.

00:38:55.000 It's also experiencing being around people and learning how to interact with them. 0.99

00:39:00.000 The weirdest motherfuckers I've ever been around were homeschooled. 0.98

00:39:03.000 Yeah, homeschooling is interesting. 1.00

00:39:05.000 Dude, I know a guy who's homeschooled, and he's so fucking awkward, and he's in his 30s. 0.69

00:39:10.000 He's just so... 0.98

00:39:11.000 He doesn't know how to hang.

00:39:13.000 He can't hang.

00:39:13.000 He never learned how to hang.

00:39:15.000 No one's ever fucked with him. 1.00

00:39:17.000 He doesn't know how to deal with people jabbing him and just fucking around with him. 0.99

00:39:22.000 He's like, ooh! 0.99

00:39:23.000 He doesn't...

00:39:23.000 He doesn't get it.

00:39:25.000 Is he mentally ill? 0.87

00:39:26.000 No, he's a smart guy in terms of, like, he can rattle off facts.

00:39:29.000 Why did his parents homeschool him?

00:39:31.000 Religion.

00:39:32.000 That's part of it, yeah.

00:39:33.000 It's a lot of it, man.

00:39:35.000 Like, deep, deep, real Christian stuff?

00:39:36.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:39:37.000 Anti-vax, too. 1.00

00:39:38.000 A lot of weird shit. 1.00

00:39:39.000 Anti-vax. 1.00

00:39:39.000 The whole deal. 1.00

00:39:41.000 You're going to take apple cider vinegar, and it's going to cure everything.

00:39:44.000 Are we going to trust Bill and Melinda Gates, you know?

00:39:47.000 What, the vaccines?

00:39:48.000 I mean, they're going all over the third world, sticking a needle in anything. 0.99

00:39:50.000 I mean, those two are...

00:39:51.000 What are you talking about?

00:39:51.000 They are.

00:39:52.000 They are.

00:39:53.000 It's a fact.

00:39:55.000 They're trying to help people if it works.

00:39:59.000 Pause.

00:39:59.000 What do you think would be their motive?

00:40:01.000 First of all, Bill Gates literally has $90 billion.

00:40:05.000 He's trying to do good things with his money and trying to use his money for philanthropy.

00:40:11.000 But hold on. 0.94

00:40:12.000 The idea that all these fucking crackpot conspiracy theories have that Bill Gates is the Antichrist because he wants to get people inoculated with vaccines and viruses, that he's somehow or another trying to control people. 0.97

00:40:25.000 Bill Gates has everything. 0.97

00:40:28.000 He doesn't need anything more.

00:40:30.000 I agree.

00:40:30.000 He's not trying to get anything more.

00:40:32.000 He's making no attempts to control markets, no attempts to get to like a thousand billion dollars.

00:40:38.000 100%.

00:40:38.000 He's not doing that.

00:40:39.000 He's using his foundation to try to help people get healthy, help people get internet, help people get running water.

00:40:49.000 But they have, I mean, listen, they've done things in the third world, like they've introduced certain vaccines and stuff that have had adverse health consequences for people. 0.90

00:40:56.000 Like what?

00:40:57.000 I mean, you can look it up, but this has literally happened.

00:40:59.000 I mean, they've been involved with things where it hasn't gone well.

00:41:01.000 But when you say something like that, if you don't want to get sued by the richest man in the world, and you're going to, he's coming after you right now.

00:41:06.000 I will gladly get in a high-profile legal battle with Bill Gates right now.

00:41:12.000 About?

00:41:13.000 Vaccines.

00:41:14.000 What do you think about vaccines?

00:41:15.000 No, I think they're fine for the most part.

00:41:16.000 But if he wants to sue me because it's something I said on a podcast, let's go.

00:41:19.000 It could only help my career.

00:41:21.000 What do you say he did?

00:41:22.000 No, it can't.

00:41:23.000 Listen, I don't research these companies, but I know for a fact that he's been involved in vaccine things that did not go well.

00:41:31.000 Where'd you read this?

00:41:32.000 I read it.

00:41:33.000 PrisonPlanet.com?

00:41:34.000 No, no, I read it.

00:41:35.000 This is a fact.

00:41:37.000 This is a reality.

00:41:38.000 You can't just...

00:41:39.000 Listen, people have issues with vaccines.

00:41:41.000 When you're saying it's a fact, you have to be able to reference what you...

00:41:47.000 But if you don't, you don't really have enough information to say it's a fact.

00:41:52.000 Well, it's something that's been reported and it's been credibly reported.

00:41:55.000 By who?

00:41:57.000 See what I'm saying?

00:41:58.000 No, it's been credibly reported.

00:41:59.000 Gates Foundation accused of dangerously skewing aid priorities by promoting corporate globalization.

00:42:05.000 Look at the people in the back of that photo.

00:42:06.000 They don't look happy.

00:42:07.000 What does that mean?

00:42:08.000 They don't look happy.

00:42:09.000 That's not what we're asking.

00:42:10.000 We're talking about adverse reactions to vaccines.

00:42:13.000 But let me see that article title again.

00:42:17.000 What a bizarre title.

00:42:18.000 Look at this.

00:42:19.000 Accused of dangerously skewing aid priorities by promoting corporate globalization.

00:42:29.000 What does that mean?

00:42:30.000 Why are there so many quotes around everything?

00:42:32.000 Everything's in one umbrella, right?

00:42:33.000 Like his company, his health initiatives, all of these things work together and that you have to trust that everybody's motives are pure.

00:42:42.000 I don't think he's trying to depopulate the world, but these people stand to make lots and lots of money if people adopt certain vaccines, right?

00:42:50.000 Or certain things that are maybe medically advantageous, maybe not, maybe necessary, maybe not.

00:42:56.000 Okay, pause, pause.

00:42:56.000 There's definitely an issue when money's involved with any sort of treatment.

00:43:01.000 And this is one of the issues that a lot of the conspiracy theorists bring up when it comes to ventilators.

00:43:05.000 That a hospital gets X amount if someone gets brought into intensive care, and then they get Y amount if they're put on a ventilator.

00:43:12.000 So they're saying, well, there's a motivation to put people on ventilators.

00:43:14.000 Perhaps.

00:43:16.000 I would hope never, but there have been cases of people doing surgery on people that didn't need it.

00:43:21.000 There have been cases of people doing things to people and treatments on people where it wasn't necessary to provide something.

00:43:29.000 They wanted to make money, and they do things to people just to make money, not to make them better.

00:43:35.000 That has happened.

00:43:35.000 I think there was something in India, if you look at Bill Gates, India, but I think...

00:43:38.000 The vaccines.

00:43:39.000 Yeah.

00:43:40.000 I mean, listen, there is something...

00:43:41.000 I'm not making this up.

00:43:43.000 I understand.

00:43:43.000 But do you understand what I'm saying?

00:43:44.000 That you're saying something as a fact and you have literally no data.

00:43:48.000 I have the data.

00:43:49.000 I just can't recall the exact name of it.

00:43:51.000 That doesn't mean it didn't happen.

00:43:52.000 But you don't know if it happened.

00:43:54.000 If you can't even recall the data...

00:43:54.000 Well, I didn't even go and investigate it in India.

00:43:57.000 Here we go.

00:43:58.000 Controversial vaccine.

00:43:59.000 Why is Bill and Bill Gates present?

00:44:00.000 Thank you.

00:44:01.000 Under fire from critics in India.

00:44:03.000 Well, let's read it.

00:44:04.000 Funded two entities that have played a key role in immunization program and are both under fire for conflict of interest.

00:44:12.000 Okay, it doesn't mean adverse reactions to vaccines.

00:44:15.000 2009, several schools for tribal children.

00:44:18.000 Jesus Christ, how weird is that?

00:44:19.000 Say those names.

00:44:21.000 The Kamam district in Telangana Then a part of undivided Andhra Pradesh became sites for observational studies for a cervical cancer vaccine that was administered to thousands of girls.

00:44:43.000 Oh, so it's an HPV disease.

00:44:45.000 That's a dangerous vaccine. 1.00

00:44:47.000 Oh, these girls are whores. 1.00

00:44:49.000 Okay, forget it. 1.00

00:44:49.000 Sorry. 1.00

00:44:50.000 No, the vaccine is dangerous.

00:44:52.000 That HPV, people have had adverse reaction to that.

00:44:55.000 Like a high number.

00:44:57.000 The girls were administered the human papillomavirus vaccine in three rounds that year under the supervision of state health department officials.

00:45:09.000 The vaccine used was Gardasil, manufactured by Merck.

00:45:15.000 Months later, many girls started falling ill, and by 2010, five of them died.

00:45:20.000 I get it.

00:45:22.000 That's a controversial vaccine, period.

00:45:25.000 It's good, but it's one of those ones where there's a high number of adverse reactions.

00:45:31.000 Estimated 14,000 children studying schools meant for tribal children were also vaccinated with another brand of HPV vaccine, Cervarix.

00:45:41.000 I like when they're on the nose like that.

00:45:43.000 Oh, is it cervical cancer?

00:45:44.000 Yeah, we'll call it Cervarix.

00:45:46.000 Cervarix.

00:45:47.000 Manufactured by GSK. Earlier in the week, the Associated Press reported that scores of teenage girls were hospitalized in a small town In northern Colombia with symptoms that parents suspected could be adverse reaction to Gardasil.

00:46:01.000 So some people died from this vaccine.

00:46:03.000 But is it Google HPV vaccine dangerous reactions?

00:46:09.000 Because I've read that there's a certain percentage, whether it's, you know, one-tenth or one-percent or whatever it is that some people get.

00:46:16.000 When anyone stands to make billions of dollars and institute something that's going to be very widely accepted as now necessary for life, You know, you have to ask questions about it.

00:46:29.000 According to HPV vaccine manufacturers, the most common adverse reactions to Gardasil include pain, swelling, redness, stinging, bruising, bleeding at the injection site, and headache, fever, nausea, diarrhea, abdominal pain.

00:46:41.000 And it keeps going.

00:46:43.000 It's not that bad.

00:46:43.000 I'm not saying that he's doing something inherently wrong, but you have to watch people like that.

00:46:48.000 The fact that nobody knows.

00:46:50.000 This is not a well-known thing.

00:46:52.000 I understand, but the idea that this is how he wants to make his money by vaccinating people, there's a reason why he's doing that to make money.

00:47:01.000 Who tell us what is and isn't necessary and how things are going to be, right?

00:47:04.000 That's true.

00:47:05.000 Whether they're in tech, whether they're in health, whatever they are, these are billionaires.

00:47:09.000 Generally, they give these TED Talks and stuff like that.

00:47:11.000 People don't pay attention to what they're doing.

00:47:13.000 They influence the political system in ways that we know about and don't know about.

00:47:19.000 And you've got to watch these people.

00:47:20.000 I don't know Bill Gates.

00:47:22.000 Okay, hold on.

00:47:23.000 Now we're talking about a totally different thing, and I agree with you.

00:47:26.000 See, the thing is before 2000, let's say 2000, no one had any inkling whatsoever that social media was going to have an impact on political realms, on the way, you know, just language What sort of discourse was allowed?

00:47:42.000 What wasn't allowed?

00:47:43.000 No one ever thought that, that this was going to be an impact.

00:47:46.000 And that these companies would literally earn billions of dollars by selling your data, meaning what are you interested in?

00:47:55.000 What are you clicking on?

00:47:56.000 What are you going to?

00:47:57.000 And that's what they're getting their money from.

00:47:59.000 This is a great podcast.

00:48:01.000 That Sam Harris put out.

00:48:02.000 I wish I could remember the guest.

00:48:03.000 But he was talking about how we didn't know that our data, in terms of our search history, the stuff that we go to, where we travel to with Google Maps, we didn't know that that data was a commodity.

00:48:15.000 And so we signed off on one of the most valuable commodities in the world.

00:48:19.000 It's bigger than oil right now.

00:48:20.000 It's gigantic.

00:48:21.000 And these companies, not only do they gather out this commodity, but then they use their influence to influence social aspects of our culture.

00:48:32.000 The way we communicate, what's allowed, what's not allowed.

00:48:35.000 And that's squirrely. 0.98

00:48:37.000 Because these people, a lot of them are socially inept.

00:48:40.000 I mean, all the stuff you were talking about at the beginning, when they're going to come to you and they're going to say, you need a card, you need this, you need that, the free flow of travel, how you're allowed to travel around the country and the world, a lot of these people, whether it's Gates or whoever, are going to have a huge input in those laws that are made.

00:48:58.000 And they're going to think they're doing it for a good reason.

00:49:00.000 Of course.

00:49:01.000 Everybody does everything because they think they're doing it for a good reason.

00:49:03.000 Not necessarily.

00:49:04.000 Well, a lot of people do.

00:49:05.000 Some people do.

00:49:06.000 I bought my house because I believed it was going to work.

00:49:09.000 I bought it because I believed in home ownership.

00:49:10.000 The point is that I just think you have to look into this.

00:49:13.000 It's not my job to have every fact before I speak.

00:49:18.000 It's not my job.

00:49:19.000 When you talk about Bill Gates and vaccines and things along those lines, you probably should...

00:49:24.000 If Bill Gates wants to tweet at me and educate me later, at Tim J. Bill, we can do that.

00:49:29.000 The real fear is that they're practicing with these vaccines on poor people.

00:49:33.000 That's what people are terrified of.

00:49:34.000 That's what they're doing.

00:49:36.000 They call the school a tribal girls' school.

00:49:39.000 I know, tribal.

00:49:40.000 Tribal girls' school.

00:49:42.000 What kind of...

00:49:42.000 I mean, it's crazy.

00:49:44.000 Native Americans.

00:49:45.000 I mean, Bill Gates wouldn't be doing that in Bel Air or Beverly Hills.

00:49:48.000 He should.

00:49:49.000 You know, I agree.

00:49:50.000 Just grab kids. 1.00

00:49:50.000 Start grabbing those TikTokers and fucking putting needles in their face. 1.00

00:49:53.000 Grab those little Beverly Hills kids at some private schools. 1.00

00:49:56.000 I walk around there every day in those little pieces of shit. 1.00

00:50:00.000 Give me a fucking look because they know I shouldn't be there, but it's close to my house where I have to walk. 1.00

00:50:04.000 We have to walk and get air and just see other people. 0.99

00:50:06.000 Beverly Hills is so weird because anybody could just drive through it.

00:50:10.000 I know.

00:50:11.000 It's not blocked off.

00:50:12.000 I know, but I like that because New York's like that.

00:50:14.000 But you'll drive by these houses that are worth $30 million.

00:50:18.000 Yeah.

00:50:18.000 Look at that.

00:50:19.000 It's right there.

00:50:19.000 It's $30 million.

00:50:20.000 I know.

00:50:21.000 I could throw a rock.

00:50:21.000 Yeah, but you know what it is?

00:50:22.000 Gated communities ruin the fun for people like me that want to just appreciate other people's wealth.

00:50:29.000 You say that until you get rich.

00:50:31.000 Why can't?

00:50:32.000 I know.

00:50:32.000 Once you get rich, you'll be living right next door to me.

00:50:34.000 You're going to come over and ask for sugar.

00:50:36.000 If I'm allowed.

00:50:37.000 If they'll allow me, by the way.

00:50:38.000 Why would they?

00:50:39.000 You might have to vouch for me with the condo board.

00:50:41.000 I'll call.

00:50:41.000 I'll talk to the people.

00:50:41.000 I'm not the condo board.

00:50:42.000 Whatever, the people.

00:50:43.000 I'll talk to the people.

00:50:43.000 But here's the deal.

00:50:45.000 I want to go out and get...

00:50:46.000 When I was a little kid, we would smoke pot.

00:50:47.000 We'd drive around these big areas.

00:50:48.000 We'd get inspired.

00:50:49.000 And we'd look at big houses and mansions.

00:50:51.000 We'd get inspired.

00:50:52.000 How'd that work out for you?

00:50:53.000 None of us succeeded.

00:50:54.000 The point is, it's nice to see...

00:50:58.000 It's nice to see Christmas lights on a big mansion.

00:51:01.000 You shouldn't be stopped at a gate. 1.00

00:51:04.000 Well, what if you're a fucking psychopath? 1.00

00:51:06.000 Well, that's a problem. 1.00

00:51:07.000 Yeah.

00:51:08.000 That's a problem.

00:51:09.000 I don't want to have to wait in the front of my house with a gun all night.

00:51:11.000 But you're famous.

00:51:12.000 It's different.

00:51:12.000 Rich people, no one's coming to kill regular rich people.

00:51:15.000 Do you hear what happened with Sebastian's cousin, who has the exact same name as him?

00:51:19.000 Listen, I don't want to say...

00:51:20.000 Do you know what happened?

00:51:21.000 Yeah, but is that- I talked to Sebastian about it.

00:51:23.000 Is it totally random?

00:51:25.000 Some guy- That's so weird, dude.

00:51:26.000 Two guys came to his house. 0.99

00:51:28.000 They rang the doorbell with masks on, like fucking COVID masks. 1.00

00:51:33.000 Okay. 1.00

00:51:34.000 He opened the door up- Smart.

00:51:35.000 And they rushed the house, but his cousin knows how to fight. 0.98

00:51:38.000 So his cousin beat the fuck out of one of them. 0.74

00:51:41.000 I'll send you the Zoom doorbell video footage of it. 1.00

00:51:44.000 Beats the fuck out of one of them in the front of the house, goes inside and kills the other guy. 1.00

00:51:48.000 Crazy, dude. 1.00

00:51:49.000 The guy had a gun. 0.99

00:51:50.000 Was it a big house?

00:51:52.000 It's a nice house. 1.00

00:51:53.000 They had duct tape, they had tasers, they had all kinds of shit. 1.00

00:51:57.000 They were planning on home invading and killing some people. 1.00

00:51:59.000 Jesus Christ. 0.97

00:52:00.000 Yeah, Jesus Christ.

00:52:01.000 Just random in the middle of the day, by the way.

00:52:03.000 Well, yeah, you gotta have guns and locks.

00:52:05.000 He answered the doorbell because he thought it was his gardener coming back.

00:52:08.000 Because the gardener was there, and then the doorbell rang, and he assumed it was his gardener coming back.

00:52:13.000 Right.

00:52:13.000 And the guy has the same name as Sebastian.

00:52:16.000 Yeah, but then we'll put gates everywhere. 0.99

00:52:18.000 Then everyone's going to have a gate.

00:52:19.000 I mean, that's an example.

00:52:21.000 Well, I'm just saying that sometimes people's houses get broken into. 0.99

00:52:24.000 And this is one thing that you have to think about, really think about, with this economy going into the fucking toilet. 0.99

00:52:30.000 It's going to be bad. 0.99

00:52:31.000 It's going to be bad.

00:52:33.000 30%.

00:52:34.000 They said 60 million people filed unemployment claims.

00:52:37.000 It's going to get rough.

00:52:37.000 Well, also the businesses haven't even shut down yet.

00:52:41.000 The businesses that can't get out of this haven't even realized they can't get out of this yet.

00:52:46.000 Some of them have, but I think a large percentage of them are still trying to keep it together.

00:52:50.000 We don't know.

00:52:51.000 So when they go under, all the people that were working for them go under.

00:52:54.000 It's going to be very bad.

00:52:55.000 I have an apartment on the first floor with a sliding glass door. 1.00

00:52:59.000 I want people to come in and kill me. 1.00

00:53:02.000 I want people to kill me. 1.00

00:53:03.000 Why? 1.00

00:53:04.000 No, I'm kidding.

00:53:04.000 I want them to just come in and do a podcast.

00:53:08.000 He's going to stick HIV vaccine right in your ass. 1.00

00:53:09.000 Listen, buddy, I have a concern for the tribal girls in India. 1.00

00:53:12.000 I apologize.

00:53:13.000 I'm sorry about that.

00:53:15.000 I'm sorry.

00:53:15.000 I haven't forgotten the tribal women in India who no one speaks for except me.

00:53:21.000 Guwahaba.

00:53:22.000 And the thing...

00:53:23.000 These are good girls! 1.00

00:53:25.000 And yes, they're whores, and yes, they have HPV, right? 1.00

00:53:29.000 Well, they're just keeping them from getting it from dirty people like you. 1.00

00:53:32.000 I support tribal whores. 1.00

00:53:33.000 The point is this. 1.00

00:53:38.000 I'm as worried about getting robbed as anyone, because desperate criminals will rob me.

00:53:44.000 Good criminals will rob you, or try.

00:53:47.000 Desperate people will rob me.

00:53:48.000 Well, people are going to rob because they need money.

00:53:51.000 We're in a weird place.

00:53:54.000 Look, if you're in Brazil, Brazil's a good example.

00:53:57.000 You have a lot of haves and a lot of have-nots.

00:53:59.000 And when you go there, one of the things you see is barbed wire around people's houses and long, tall fences and walls and then a barbed wire on top of it.

00:54:09.000 And then above that, in the favelas, you see houses with no windows and dirt floors.

00:54:14.000 It's crazy.

00:54:15.000 And they come down from the favelas, rob the rich people and go back up.

00:54:19.000 Wow.

00:54:19.000 And when the economy crashes, the crime rises radically.

00:54:23.000 So Brazil was doing really well for a while, and then went to shit. 0.99

00:54:26.000 And so they're in a bad place now, and the crime has really ridden to the point- I should get a gun. 0.99

00:54:31.000 Oh yeah, for sure.

00:54:32.000 Yeah.

00:54:33.000 But my jiu-jitsu instructor won't even go- He's from Rio.

00:54:36.000 He won't even go back to Rio.

00:54:37.000 Really?

00:54:38.000 He's like, it's too dangerous.

00:54:39.000 It's too dangerous.

00:54:39.000 It's dangerous, my friend.

00:54:40.000 Yeah, they'll kidnap- If they know you're American or live here, they might kidnap you, try to get money.

00:54:44.000 Well, when I used to do- The UFC down there.

00:54:47.000 It was fine.

00:54:48.000 It hadn't gotten that bad yet.

00:54:50.000 Look, Brazil's great.

00:54:51.000 There's a lot of great things in Brazil.

00:54:53.000 The food there is fantastic.

00:54:54.000 You ever had Brazilian barbecue?

00:54:56.000 It's amazing.

00:54:56.000 The Brazilian steak houses and all that?

00:54:58.000 It's great.

00:54:58.000 Amazing.

00:54:58.000 Yeah.

00:54:59.000 Yeah, I mean, it's in the fucking views. 0.99

00:55:01.000 It's like, there's so many good things. 0.99

00:55:03.000 Do you think we're sliding into that?

00:55:04.000 Do you think there's a chance America's sliding into one of those countries where, is this economic collapse going to be too much?

00:55:10.000 Do you think, you know?

00:55:11.000 I don't know.

00:55:12.000 Yeah, no one knows.

00:55:13.000 This is what's interesting about this in a bad way.

00:55:15.000 Yeah.

00:55:15.000 It's like, Who knows, man?

00:55:18.000 Who knows?

00:55:19.000 You know, it's all weird.

00:55:21.000 It's all weird because we're in uncharted territory.

00:55:24.000 We've never, in the history of this country, had a month where everybody was locked down and stayed inside.

00:55:30.000 There were some lockdowns apparently in 1918 during the Spanish flu, but that was, you know, it's hard to know what the difference was between then and, you know, when they were locked down, whether they wore masks, you know.

00:55:45.000 I'd have to go back and...

00:55:47.000 I know at least for the last hundred years, there's been nothing like this. 0.98

00:55:49.000 So we don't really know what the fuck we're talking about. 0.84

00:55:52.000 We also don't know what's going to happen when they fling open the barn doors and say quarantine's over. 0.98

00:55:56.000 Sure, look what's happening in China.

00:55:58.000 In China, people are catching it again.

00:56:00.000 I mean, they're having second waves.

00:56:02.000 Yeah.

00:56:03.000 Wow.

00:56:03.000 I mean, I don't know.

00:56:05.000 I mean, I tend to think that people, you know, they did a study in Ohio.

00:56:08.000 Ohio didn't have, and I have the facts, Ohio didn't have, Ohio, you could look it up.

00:56:14.000 They didn't officially close restaurants until the 25th, but for the 10 days prior to that, 10 to 15 days prior, foot traffic had dropped 50%.

00:56:21.000 So people didn't need an order or a law saying not to go out.

00:56:25.000 They were scared.

00:56:26.000 They were scared.

00:56:27.000 I went out on the 14th.

00:56:29.000 I went on the 14th.

00:56:30.000 I ate at this restaurant in Venice, Felix, my favorite restaurant.

00:56:35.000 Yeah.

00:56:36.000 And it was still pretty crowded.

00:56:39.000 It was fine.

00:56:39.000 Me and my wife were like this, like, oh, is this okay?

00:56:42.000 I'm trying to think.

00:56:43.000 One of the last places I was in was a comedy store on that Monday night, and I did an OR spot, and I was making fun of the virus.

00:56:50.000 I was making fun of it.

00:56:52.000 I said that like, I was like, oh, there was an Asian lady on my plane. 0.99

00:56:55.000 She coughed and we all beat the shit out of her and everyone was laughing. 0.97

00:56:58.000 And it was fun. 0.99

00:56:59.000 Sounds racist.

00:57:00.000 Well, it was.

00:57:01.000 And it was funny.

00:57:02.000 And those are often, they dovetail.

00:57:05.000 They dovetail.

00:57:06.000 That's what it is, you know?

00:57:08.000 Isms are funny, you know? 0.68

00:57:10.000 Yeah.

00:57:10.000 And then I got off stage and the Asians loved it.

00:57:13.000 They were laughing.

00:57:13.000 We all laughed because nobody thought this was going to happen.

00:57:16.000 What? 0.96

00:57:16.000 Also, no one thought you really beat the fuck out of anybody. 0.96

00:57:19.000 It was obviously joking around. 0.87

00:57:20.000 No, of course.

00:57:20.000 That's what comedy is.

00:57:22.000 People in the room know that.

00:57:23.000 If somebody had written about it, they would have been like, this is inappropriate.

00:57:26.000 Well, that following Friday, I was supposed to do a show in the main room.

00:57:31.000 No, not Friday, Thursday.

00:57:33.000 And they called me up and said, we are going to shut down the main room.

00:57:38.000 I was supposed to do two shows.

00:57:40.000 We're going to shut down the main room and cancel your shows.

00:57:43.000 And we're only going to open the OR because the governor has asked that groups of more than 200 people should be banned.

00:57:51.000 Such a weird arbitrary number, but they were just trying to do anything they could do.

00:57:54.000 Think about this.

00:57:55.000 When you talk about how Trump should have known better, this was our own governor who's very conservative now about this.

00:58:01.000 Not conservative, obviously liberal, but conservative about the moves that we make.

00:58:05.000 And this was in the beginning of March, in the middle of March, in fact.

00:58:09.000 They were still saying groups of 200 people in March. 0.97

00:58:13.000 So this is all fucking touch and go. 0.97

00:58:15.000 I don't think it's helping anybody, all this fucking pointing the finger and blaming this person and blaming that person. 0.98

00:58:20.000 No, but you do have to look at a system and go, we weren't prepared. 0.98

00:58:23.000 We could have been better prepared, right?

00:58:26.000 Trump did get rid of a pandemic team, which I get it.

00:58:29.000 If I had been president, I probably would have gotten rid of them too. 1.00

00:58:31.000 Doctors suck. 1.00

00:58:32.000 Scientists suck. 1.00

00:58:33.000 So Trump was like, get him out of here. 1.00

00:58:34.000 He did get rid of that team.

00:58:36.000 Was that his call?

00:58:37.000 Well, it's his government.

00:58:38.000 When you're the president, you have to take...

00:58:40.000 Hold on.

00:58:40.000 Did he do that?

00:58:41.000 I'm sure he signed off on it.

00:58:42.000 I'm hearing that there was something where they did shut down the pandemic office, but I don't know the facts.

00:58:49.000 But I do know that they reopened this.

00:58:51.000 They had a virus hunting organization that literally their job is to hunt viruses, to find out where viruses are coming from.

00:58:58.000 And they just funded the shit out of them.

00:59:00.000 I mean, that sounds like a fun reality show. 0.69

00:59:02.000 Virus hunters.

00:59:05.000 We're dealing with one version of this.

00:59:08.000 This could get worse.

00:59:09.000 This could be a new one next year.

00:59:10.000 There could be another one the year afterwards.

00:59:12.000 It could just be our new reality.

00:59:13.000 Just pandemic after pandemic.

00:59:15.000 Whenever civil unrest is happening in the streets, they just go, here's a new pandemic.

00:59:20.000 Bat flu number two.

00:59:22.000 The problem is when you get large groups of people, right, you're going to have large groups of people that need food.

00:59:28.000 And then you have factory farming.

00:59:30.000 So factory farming is the cause of a lot of these pandemics. 0.98

00:59:34.000 And then this fucking wet market is real similar in that regard. 0.95

00:59:37.000 This has been a big... 0.99

00:59:39.000 Diseases jump.

00:59:40.000 The vegans are kind of...

00:59:42.000 This is a decent time, right, to make that point?

00:59:44.000 Except for their immune systems.

00:59:46.000 Right.

00:59:46.000 They're making that vegan point.

00:59:51.000 They're fighting.

00:59:52.000 No, who's got the best point is the regenerative farming people.

00:59:55.000 Okay.

00:59:56.000 The Joel Salatin people that have figured out a way not only to sequester carbon, but actually they're taking carbon out of the air.

01:00:05.000 And reintroducing all these ancient farming methods where they're moving cows around at different plots.

01:00:13.000 Are the wet markets factory farming, though?

01:00:15.000 That seems pretty independent.

01:00:17.000 No, it's not factory farming, but it's animals in confinement and surrounded by other animals living in these unnatural environments.

01:00:24.000 That's what it is.

01:00:26.000 Wet markers are foul.

01:00:27.000 Can you avoid that when you've got to feed a population like that?

01:00:30.000 Well, Osterholm, yeah, you can feed them bugs.

01:00:32.000 Osterholm had a whole... 0.95

01:00:34.000 He was the guy that scared the fuck out of everybody when he came on my podcast.

01:00:37.000 Terrified me.

01:00:38.000 He has a whole section in this book that he wrote from three years ago, from 2017, about wet markets and how the next pandemic is going to come out of a wet market.

01:00:46.000 So we've got to try to persuade China to shut them down. 0.80

01:00:49.000 They're not going to.

01:00:50.000 You know what they did say?

01:00:51.000 They're taking dogs off the livestock listing.

01:00:55.000 Like, yay!

01:00:56.000 You guys are doing good.

01:00:57.000 What about bats?

01:00:58.000 Get the bats out of there! 1.00

01:01:00.000 But, I mean, it's almost like they're throwing people a bone.

01:01:03.000 Like, hey, we're gonna...

01:01:05.000 No dogs.

01:01:06.000 We're gonna stop considering dogs livestock.

01:01:09.000 Like, oh, you guys are amazing.

01:01:10.000 But also, they're not.

01:01:11.000 They're definitely not.

01:01:12.000 Well, neither, you know.

01:01:14.000 But they eat them.

01:01:15.000 Yeah.

01:01:16.000 We eat pigs.

01:01:17.000 I don't judge them because they need to eat, right?

01:01:19.000 So if I was really hungry and I had to eat a dog, I would eat a dog.

01:01:23.000 I mean, these are just things that we would have to do.

01:01:25.000 It's easy for me to say, but it's a lot more normal to eat a dog than to do what they do in Manhattan, which is put them in strollers and pretend they're children.

01:01:33.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:01:33.000 That's a little freakier to me than a wet market is seeing like two 30-year-olds walking down the block with a fucking chihuahua in a bassinet. 0.99

01:01:41.000 Have you seen that? 0.99

01:01:42.000 Yeah, of course.

01:01:43.000 All over New York, dude.

01:01:44.000 Really?

01:01:44.000 Yeah, people have like, I'm a cat mom.

01:01:46.000 They put chihuahuas in strollers? 0.99

01:01:47.000 I'm a dog mom.

01:01:48.000 Oh, that dog mom stuff is so sad.

01:01:50.000 Yeah, it's crazy.

01:01:50.000 And then they put the dogs, they dress them up, they put them in strollers, and they stroll them down the street.

01:01:55.000 That is more grotesque than a well-run wet market.

01:01:59.000 When I see that in someone's Instagram handle, dog mom, I'm like, ugh.

01:02:03.000 It's bad.

01:02:04.000 Those are female incels. 1.00

01:02:06.000 Those are that.

01:02:08.000 My friend told me that.

01:02:09.000 This kid that opened for me, Dan Carney, he said those are female incels. 1.00

01:02:13.000 They are the people...

01:02:15.000 They're the other side of the dudes where they just sit at home every night and get drunk and they're like, I'm a grandma!

01:02:19.000 I'm such a grandma!

01:02:20.000 But they're...

01:02:21.000 Yeah, and they're the worst at comedy shows because they're always offended. 0.99

01:02:25.000 They're always white. 0.97

01:02:27.000 They're always white women offended. 1.00

01:02:30.000 They want to be part of the show.

01:02:31.000 They're always liberal.

01:02:32.000 And then after they heckle you all night, they come out and they tell you how great you are.

01:02:36.000 They're like, you're good.

01:02:38.000 You're okay. 0.91

01:02:39.000 It's disgusting. 0.54

01:02:40.000 Yeah, it's bad. 0.67

01:02:41.000 Boy.

01:02:42.000 There were some of them, I remember, I think Eliza was going to be at the store, and a lot of her fans were there, and then she didn't show up, so then I came out. 0.99

01:02:50.000 So it was like a real culture shock, because they were expecting Eliza, and then I walked out, and you could see a lot of, because the first three rows were all hot white chicks, and then they looked at me like, what the fuck? 0.99

01:02:59.000 Where did Eliza go? 0.99

01:03:00.000 What is this?

01:03:00.000 She had something else to do, something better to do, maybe.

01:03:03.000 Something better, huh?

01:03:03.000 Yeah, so then they just called me in.

01:03:05.000 I just hopped out of an Uber, and then there was a lot of disappointed Instagram models there. 0.92

01:03:11.000 They were not happy.

01:03:12.000 I came out and started yelling about the Clintons killing people.

01:03:16.000 They were like, this is not the show we wanted.

01:03:19.000 We did not want this. 0.99

01:03:22.000 Oh, and in the middle of all this, there's a new fucking... 0.99

01:03:26.000 The lady who said that Biden did something to her now, she's saying it was sexual assault? 0.99

01:03:31.000 Yeah.

01:03:32.000 Well, if they're smart, they're going to swap Biden out for Cuomo.

01:03:37.000 Cuomo is kind of a meatball, but he's a better candidate than Biden. 0.50

01:03:40.000 But this shows the hypocrisy of liberals that they're not coming after him the way they came after everybody else.

01:03:45.000 They want him to be the representative of the Democratic Party.

01:03:50.000 But here's the thing.

01:03:51.000 They are right now.

01:03:52.000 They were wrong before.

01:03:54.000 Here's why they're right now and they were wrong before.

01:03:57.000 Anybody could come at anybody with an allegation.

01:04:00.000 Anybody could come at any high profile.

01:04:02.000 When you say believe all women, you have to live by that. 1.00

01:04:05.000 You've got to believe Amber Heard, too.

01:04:06.000 You've got to believe everybody.

01:04:08.000 You've got to believe everybody. 0.99

01:04:09.000 Have you seen all this Johnny Depp shit? 1.00

01:04:10.000 I saw a little bit of it, yeah. 1.00

01:04:12.000 Oh, Jesus Christ.

01:04:12.000 There's audio tapes where she's talking about hitting him.

01:04:16.000 Yeah.

01:04:16.000 And then there's a new video where it shows his severed finger.

01:04:19.000 She threw a fucking vodka bottle at him and sliced the tip of his finger off. 1.00

01:04:24.000 Literally, there's pictures of the finger and there's the audio recordings of the doctor looking for the fingertip. 1.00

01:04:30.000 They're looking for the tip.

01:04:31.000 They can't find the tip. 1.00

01:04:32.000 They're like, where's the fucking fingertip? 0.99

01:04:34.000 Oh my god, look at the blood. 1.00

01:04:35.000 And you can hear them talking.

01:04:36.000 And she's like violently sobbing in the background. 0.99

01:04:39.000 So they decide to give her three times whatever antipsychotic medicine that she's on. 0.98

01:04:45.000 So she's on this dose.

01:04:47.000 They decide to jack it up to 3x whatever the dose is.

01:04:51.000 But meanwhile, this was the lady that had him metooed and was saying that he beat her and had a mark on her face, believe all women. 0.99

01:04:57.000 Well, that's the whole thing.

01:04:58.000 So the Democrats are now reaping what they've sown in the sense that anybody can approach the press with an unsubstantiated allegation about somebody who's high profile.

01:05:08.000 I mean, I understand that women aren't just willy-nilly lying about stuff, but the picture changes when there's somebody who's a politically divisive, high-profile figure. 0.99

01:05:16.000 Where there is a huge incentive to knock that person off, right?

01:05:20.000 There's a huge incentive, whether it's Brett Kavanaugh, whether it's Joe Biden, there's a huge incentive to derail that person.

01:05:26.000 So I think in that instance, because I do believe that most women are not just making things up. 1.00

01:05:32.000 That being said, when you introduce politics, there's a whole other level.

01:05:36.000 There's a whole other layer.

01:05:37.000 Well, for sure.

01:05:39.000 I mean, foreign intelligence agencies could be doing this too.

01:05:42.000 Yeah.

01:05:43.000 You know?

01:05:44.000 That could.

01:05:44.000 Yeah.

01:05:44.000 I mean, I'm not saying this woman who actually worked for Biden's campaign was a foreign intelligence agent.

01:05:49.000 We have no idea. 0.52

01:05:49.000 But what I'm saying is that, for sure, men have sexually assaulted women. 0.52

01:05:54.000 Also, for sure, women have lied about being sexually assaulted. 0.91

01:05:57.000 Those two things, they're not mutually exclusive.

01:06:00.000 They go hand in hand.

01:06:01.000 Right. 0.99

01:06:02.000 People are liars.

01:06:03.000 People lie about the past. 0.93

01:06:05.000 100%.

01:06:05.000 People also are delusional.

01:06:07.000 People are also psychotic and schizophrenic.

01:06:10.000 Yeah.

01:06:10.000 All sorts of things are going on.

01:06:11.000 But when you say believe all women, that is a crazy thing to say.

01:06:15.000 That's like saying believe all people.

01:06:17.000 Correct.

01:06:17.000 It's the same thing.

01:06:18.000 Can't do it.

01:06:19.000 So what are you doing?

01:06:19.000 You believe the liars too?

01:06:21.000 Do you believe murderers?

01:06:22.000 Do you believe people that are trying to get out of jail?

01:06:24.000 No.

01:06:24.000 Do you believe rapists?

01:06:25.000 You can't believe all people, right?

01:06:27.000 You also can't believe all men.

01:06:29.000 Well, you also can't believe all women. 1.00

01:06:31.000 That's crazy talk.

01:06:32.000 Do you believe Casey Anthony?

01:06:33.000 No, of course I do.

01:06:34.000 No, I'm kidding.

01:06:36.000 She's the one that I make an exception for.

01:06:38.000 Some people are humans.

01:06:39.000 She seems like a good kid. 1.00

01:06:40.000 Humans are individuals and some people are fucking crazy. 0.98

01:06:43.000 Yeah, I mean, so he's... 0.98

01:06:45.000 I don't know, man, but I think the bigger problem with him is he's in some stage of...

01:06:51.000 Dementia.

01:06:52.000 100%.

01:06:52.000 He's unwell.

01:06:53.000 There's something wrong.

01:06:54.000 He's unwell.

01:06:54.000 Either that or he's a folder.

01:06:56.000 Either that or he may be just as bad.

01:06:58.000 He folds under pressure.

01:07:00.000 He's getting close to the finish line.

01:07:02.000 He's just bumbling all his words and choking and forgetting what he's talking about.

01:07:05.000 I don't think it's that.

01:07:05.000 I think something's wrong.

01:07:07.000 Because you know why?

01:07:09.000 It seems like it's degenerative.

01:07:11.000 It seems like it's gotten worse.

01:07:12.000 It's getting worse.

01:07:13.000 So that's why I think something's wrong.

01:07:15.000 100%. 1.00

01:07:15.000 Also, he's old as fuck. 1.00

01:07:17.000 Also, he looks bad. 1.00

01:07:19.000 He doesn't look like a healthy guy.

01:07:21.000 No.

01:07:22.000 I was looking at this weird Lady Gaga thing today with him and Lady Gaga, where he's talking about how no one should ever put their hand on a woman. 0.99

01:07:32.000 And I'm watching this because I guess Lady Gaga was sexually assaulted, but who the fuck is ever going to watch that and say, you know what, I was going to put my hand on a woman, but now I'm not going to. 0.99

01:07:44.000 Go back to that thing? 0.99

01:07:45.000 She looks like Hillary. 1.00

01:07:46.000 I clicked on a story about it.

01:07:47.000 Oh, okay.

01:07:48.000 She has a Hillary haircut. 0.90

01:07:50.000 That's an interesting move.

01:07:52.000 Is that a Hillary haircut? 1.00

01:07:53.000 Yeah, look at it.

01:07:54.000 Let me see it again.

01:07:54.000 It's actually old.

01:07:55.000 Is it?

01:07:56.000 Yeah, it's from 2017. Oh.

01:07:58.000 It kind of looks a little...

01:07:59.000 Oh, it's just coming out now?

01:08:00.000 I guess.

01:08:02.000 People are throwing it around now.

01:08:03.000 And what were they saying?

01:08:04.000 I don't know.

01:08:05.000 Nonsense.

01:08:06.000 Here's the thing.

01:08:07.000 They were saying no one should ever put their hand on a woman.

01:08:10.000 Of course they shouldn't.

01:08:11.000 Of course.

01:08:12.000 But if you're thinking about hitting a woman and Joe Biden is what keeps you from doing it, like what?

01:08:19.000 I don't understand the logic.

01:08:21.000 I guess maybe if you're a woman who's being abused, it could perhaps encourage you to go to the authorities.

01:08:30.000 Right.

01:08:31.000 Perhaps.

01:08:32.000 Right. 0.99

01:08:32.000 But I would imagine by him saying no man should ever put his hands on a woman, who Who the fuck thinks they should? 0.99

01:08:40.000 Who's like, no, I disagree. 0.99

01:08:41.000 I think men should just beat the fuck out of women and keep them in line. 1.00

01:08:44.000 Who's saying that? 0.99

01:08:45.000 Somebody said once, it's like when somebody goes, hey, I'm pro-family, it's like, that's a controversial position, you know?

01:08:50.000 I'm pro-family.

01:08:50.000 Right.

01:08:51.000 But all these public service announcements, all that kind of shit, it's like, okay, who are you doing that for? 0.99

01:08:56.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:08:56.000 Like, who's out there going, I was about to rape, but then I saw Joe Biden, and he's like, don't rape. 0.99

01:09:00.000 I'm like, he's got a point. 0.89

01:09:02.000 Yeah, yeah, he's got...

01:09:04.000 Joe Biden, I just respect him.

01:09:06.000 He's a statesman.

01:09:07.000 What does that do?

01:09:07.000 What does it do?

01:09:08.000 Well, it's just that's part of why nobody believes anything and nobody trusts anybody, right? 0.97

01:09:13.000 That's part of why these guys that are online, they go hard in the paint with conspiracies because these are buffoons. 0.81

01:09:21.000 Like, the people that we have... 0.85

01:09:23.000 Ruling us have been exposed as like creations, right?

01:09:27.000 These people, everything they say is scripted.

01:09:30.000 All of them are in the pocket of big business interests.

01:09:34.000 And these people have been exposed.

01:09:36.000 So now we don't believe anything.

01:09:38.000 We don't believe the media.

01:09:39.000 The media said the Covington kids were harassing this Native American guy.

01:09:44.000 It turns out it was completely wrong.

01:09:45.000 It's completely the other way around.

01:09:47.000 So you don't believe the media, and you don't believe the politicians.

01:09:50.000 So it's like, it gives you no one to believe.

01:09:52.000 How much does Covington kids get?

01:09:54.000 They got a lot, right?

01:09:55.000 Or no?

01:09:55.000 I don't know.

01:09:56.000 We don't know.

01:09:56.000 I don't know.

01:09:57.000 I didn't look at the legal transcripts.

01:09:59.000 I want to get one of them kids on.

01:10:01.000 Yeah, well you gotta get the main one.

01:10:03.000 The kid who smiled.

01:10:05.000 You gotta get the smile.

01:10:06.000 You can't get that.

01:10:08.000 That kid should get a Medal of Honor for his composure.

01:10:10.000 Yeah, he didn't do anything wrong. 1.00

01:10:11.000 This fucking guy walks into his face and starts beating a drum. 1.00

01:10:14.000 Dude, we would have... 1.00

01:10:14.000 It was from a child's face. 1.00

01:10:16.000 Oh my god, that guy.

01:10:16.000 I would have sold that guy a house, that Native American.

01:10:19.000 I would have...

01:10:20.000 He'd be living in a townhouse right now.

01:10:23.000 But yeah, I mean, but again, so that's an example of the media clearly lying.

01:10:28.000 Not even being wrong.

01:10:30.000 No.

01:10:31.000 Manufacturing news.

01:10:32.000 Well, they definitely distorted the facts.

01:10:34.000 Well, they manufactured it.

01:10:35.000 How so?

01:10:36.000 Well, it was not what they said it was, right?

01:10:38.000 Well, we had an image.

01:10:40.000 The image was a smiling kid with a MAGA hat with a Native American guy in his face.

01:10:44.000 And from there, they extrapolated something that didn't happen.

01:10:46.000 We assumed, because of that image, that the kid got in the face of the Native American man. 0.71

01:10:51.000 Well, it's their job to do some investigation and do reporting, do their due diligence.

01:10:56.000 They didn't do any of that.

01:10:57.000 So then they created this thing out of thin air where the kid approached the Native guy and they were all chanting.

01:11:02.000 They were doing a school chant. 1.00

01:11:03.000 They weren't chanting, fuck the Native Americans. 1.00

01:11:05.000 They were doing a school chant. 1.00

01:11:07.000 And the media went in there and just blew it out of proportion.

01:11:10.000 Well, apparently also in Washington, D.C., around that area, you could buy MAGA hats everywhere.

01:11:15.000 So it's like they have these stands set up.

01:11:17.000 Yeah!

01:11:18.000 They're kids!

01:11:20.000 They don't know what they're doing.

01:11:21.000 Yeah, it's like if you're going somewhere and fill in the blank.

01:11:26.000 In any area, like Mardi Gras, they have beads everywhere, right?

01:11:29.000 Well, this area, they have MAGA hats. 1.00

01:11:30.000 It's just people selling shit. 1.00

01:11:32.000 So they went over and they bought these hats because they're dorks. 1.00

01:11:35.000 Meanwhile, you and I would have probably done the same thing if we were 16. I would have absolutely done the same thing. 0.97

01:11:39.000 Yeah, if we thought it was controversial to wear a MAGA hat, we probably wouldn't wear a MAGA hat.

01:11:43.000 Absolutely.

01:11:44.000 Yeah.

01:11:44.000 Especially if you're 16. You don't know what the fuck you're doing.

01:11:47.000 Well, they also, listen, they're allowed to support the president. 1.00

01:11:49.000 They're from Kentucky.

01:11:49.000 They go to some Christian school.

01:11:51.000 It's probably wacky, but they went for some pro-life march.

01:11:54.000 That's what it was, right?

01:11:55.000 It was a pro-life march, and they show up to this thing, and it's just an indication, because sometimes I'll be on Twitter and I'll get really frustrated because people are like, this virus is fake, and how do you believe CNN? And I'm like, okay, guys, listen, the thing's not fake.

01:12:08.000 But then the reality is they've seen so many instances of the media either embellishing or manufacturing, it's hard to get mad at people that are suspicious.

01:12:20.000 It's hard to get mad.

01:12:22.000 When the Jeffrey Epstein story goes away and no one cares anymore that the biggest political scandal of our lifetime goes away, when no one cares about any of that anymore, people get very cynical about all the information that's out there.

01:12:34.000 And I go to war conspiracy people all the time because they're like, no, this is...

01:12:38.000 But the reality is I can't fault them for believing in this stuff because there's so much out there.

01:12:45.000 You know, we're in the no-man's land of logic.

01:12:47.000 Well, it's also when people have these preconceived notions that they're clinging to despite the evidence, you know, like whether it's either the Seth Rich murder, like, there's nothing to see here, nothing to see here.

01:12:57.000 Right.

01:12:58.000 No, it's not like a guy was working for the DNC and a guy who gave information, according to WikiLeaks, gave information to WikiLeaks and was shot and killed.

01:13:07.000 They didn't touch his wallet or his credit cards.

01:13:10.000 Yeah.

01:13:10.000 Or his cell phone.

01:13:11.000 Yeah.

01:13:12.000 Yeah.

01:13:12.000 I mean, nothing to see here.

01:13:13.000 Well, it's just when you dismiss all conspiracies, it's the same thing as believing all conspiracies.

01:13:18.000 Yeah.

01:13:18.000 When you dismiss ones that are like, hmm, well, you know, and anybody, see, it got to the Jeffrey Epstein one where everybody was like, everybody was like, wait, what?

01:13:27.000 Yeah.

01:13:27.000 That was one.

01:13:28.000 Slowed people down. 0.99

01:13:29.000 I mean, the fucking physical evidence, the Michael Baden report where he said this is not consistent with someone hanging. 0.99

01:13:34.000 This is consistent with someone getting strangled from the back. 0.98

01:13:37.000 Yeah, that's why with the QAnon stuff with Eddie or Sam or any of those people, some of it is probably true.

01:13:43.000 There are a lot of very powerful pedophiles doing horrible things.

01:13:47.000 But then from there, they've extrapolated it to go into this whole story, which I don't know.

01:13:52.000 It doesn't seem like it's true.

01:13:53.000 There's no evidence.

01:13:54.000 Well, I don't know the QAnon story, but I know that every time someone starts talking about it, my eyes glaze over and I move away.

01:14:01.000 Well, because it's like religion.

01:14:02.000 You've got to trust.

01:14:03.000 They all say trust the plan.

01:14:05.000 So they say that there's these secret people within the intelligence community that are giving us information.

01:14:11.000 And then with that information, we've got to piece together what's really going on.

01:14:14.000 But it's all about these child pornography or child pedophilia rings.

01:14:18.000 It's all about these things, which do...

01:14:20.000 Listen, they 100% exist.

01:14:22.000 The problem is these people believe that Trump is fighting them in a shadow intelligence war.

01:14:26.000 I don't know if that's the case.

01:14:28.000 Right.

01:14:28.000 I don't know if that's the case, guys.

01:14:30.000 It doesn't seem to be the case.

01:14:31.000 It would be sweet if it was.

01:14:33.000 How does he have the time?

01:14:34.000 If you're right...

01:14:35.000 I'm sorry.

01:14:36.000 How does he have the time to shut down the borders, get the ventilators, get them at the masks?

01:14:40.000 Well, that's what they believe.

01:14:41.000 They believe the virus was a cover to go arrest all the pedophiles and that they were freeing kids that were kept in tunnels.

01:14:46.000 I don't know why billionaires need to keep kids in tunnels, but again, you've got to take them at their word.

01:14:50.000 Oh my God, I need to spark a joint.

01:14:52.000 I can't hear you anymore.

01:14:53.000 You know?

01:14:54.000 You're hurting my head.

01:14:55.000 All I did was come on the show trying to advocate for girls in India and protect them from- Tribal. 1.00

01:15:00.000 Protect tribal girls from the Bill Gates needle.

01:15:03.000 And I'm attacked.

01:15:04.000 And Joe comes, where are your facts?

01:15:06.000 How offensive is that?

01:15:08.000 Where are my facts?

01:15:09.000 How insane is it that I need to know my facts before I make a statement on a show that's being watched by millions of people?

01:15:15.000 Yeah, especially with the QAnon stuff.

01:15:17.000 It's 2020. The world's over.

01:15:18.000 I'm going to say what I feel is right.

01:15:21.000 I'm going to say what I want to say.

01:15:23.000 It doesn't matter anymore.

01:15:24.000 Give me a prediction.

01:15:27.000 2021, mid-2021, August of 2021. Trump's winning again.

01:15:32.000 That doesn't even count.

01:15:34.000 You know, a friend of mine sent me this, and it's really kind of an interesting theory.

01:15:38.000 He said, if you look at whenever there's an incumbent that's running for re-election, the Democrats always throw someone lame against them.

01:15:48.000 Interesting.

01:15:49.000 Makes you think it's a uniparty. 0.70

01:15:50.000 Makes you think it's not real.

01:15:52.000 Well, it's also that they don't want to waste anybody.

01:15:55.000 Think about Buttigieg and Klobuchar.

01:15:59.000 They've got real potential.

01:16:00.000 Especially with a couple of years of seasoning, right?

01:16:03.000 Sure.

01:16:04.000 If Buttigieg can, you know, he was the mayor, he abandoned that position because it wasn't worthy of him.

01:16:10.000 Right.

01:16:11.000 And then he moved on.

01:16:12.000 Right.

01:16:12.000 Well, the CIA told him it was time to run for president.

01:16:14.000 Whatever.

01:16:15.000 Is that what happened?

01:16:16.000 Yeah, absolutely.

01:16:16.000 How do you know that?

01:16:17.000 One of his mentors is a guy named Doug something.

01:16:21.000 And Pete Buttigieg was in the military, but he barely did anything.

01:16:25.000 He's always posing with his rifle.

01:16:27.000 It's strange.

01:16:28.000 And again, he's just, listen.

01:16:30.000 Do you think he's really gay?

01:16:31.000 Yes.

01:16:32.000 Probably.

01:16:32.000 Maybe not.

01:16:33.000 He's in the CIA. He seems gay, though. 0.99

01:16:35.000 But he also seems like he's in the CIA. You have to ask yourself, when the biggest companies in the world and the biggest billionaires start lining up behind the mayor of a small Indiana town, something's going on. 0.83

01:16:48.000 Same thing when it was the governor of Arkansas, Bill Clinton.

01:16:50.000 Something's going on.

01:16:51.000 I have a friend who is pretty deep in that world who deeply distrusts that guy.

01:16:57.000 Of course!

01:16:57.000 He's like, I do not trust a word out of that guy's mouth.

01:17:00.000 You know what somebody said to me once?

01:17:01.000 You're going to love this quote.

01:17:02.000 He said, the dangerous people aren't the guys that were born rich.

01:17:05.000 He goes, they are dangerous because the most dangerous people are the guys like Buttigieg who will do anything.

01:17:11.000 They come from outside, and he goes, they're just, it's raw ambition.

01:17:14.000 They'll do anything to get where they're going.

01:17:17.000 Those people are more terrifying than the Kennedys or Bushes who were born, you know? 0.99

01:17:22.000 And those families are murderers.

01:17:23.000 And that's where Epstein used to come along.

01:17:25.000 Come on, the Lolita Express.

01:17:26.000 Come on in.

01:17:29.000 You're going to get in with all the Thai people.

01:17:30.000 Jeffrey Epstein Associate Ghassan Maxwell sues his estate.

01:17:33.000 And good for her, because she lost income. 0.99

01:17:35.000 Seeking to recoup legal fees to defend herself against Epstein-related allegations.

01:17:39.000 Oh, Jesus.

01:17:40.000 Yeah.

01:17:42.000 So she didn't know anything about her.

01:17:44.000 Of course not.

01:17:44.000 How could she know anything?

01:17:45.000 She was with her 24-7.

01:17:46.000 She was taking advantage.

01:17:47.000 And I believe her.

01:17:48.000 Believe all women.

01:17:49.000 I believe her.

01:17:51.000 I believe Ghislaine.

01:17:52.000 She's a woman. 0.82

01:17:53.000 Where is she?

01:17:54.000 She's probably in Israel.

01:17:56.000 Oh, a complaint filed to Superior Court of the U.S. Virgin Islands.

01:17:59.000 Oh, that's where she is.

01:18:01.000 She's in the Virgin Islands.

01:18:02.000 She's being taken care of by the Mossad.

01:18:04.000 You think so?

01:18:04.000 Yeah, it was a Mossad op.

01:18:06.000 Supposedly, right?

01:18:07.000 Yeah.

01:18:08.000 I mean, I don't have an exact on that, but I trust my sources.

01:18:14.000 Yeah.

01:18:14.000 You have sources?

01:18:15.000 I have sources.

01:18:16.000 Well, I told you some stuff about that old thing.

01:18:17.000 Of course.

01:18:18.000 It's crazy.

01:18:19.000 It's crazy.

01:18:20.000 Is Dana White going to buy that island and do fights on it? 1.00

01:18:23.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:18:24.000 Fights are going to be on Fuck Island, and they're all going to take place after midnight. 0.99

01:18:29.000 The way into it in front of that temple? 0.99

01:18:30.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:18:30.000 We're going to hang a goat by its ankles and slice its neck. 1.00

01:18:34.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:18:34.000 Soon we're going to have to eat it in this country. 1.00

01:18:36.000 We're going to have to eat goats. 1.00

01:18:37.000 It's going to symbolize the start of the proceedings of the goat.

01:18:40.000 It's crazy, man, but I think we're in this weird dystopian future where you don't know what to believe.

01:18:46.000 Yeah, well, we're definitely there.

01:18:48.000 We're definitely there.

01:18:49.000 And that's going to usher in mind control by virtue of software that allows you to read each other's thoughts.

01:18:56.000 Wow.

01:18:57.000 There's only one way to tell for sure.

01:18:59.000 We all take the implant, put it on the side of our head.

01:19:02.000 Can't go outside.

01:19:03.000 Where's your implant?

01:19:04.000 Yeah, they're going to put biochips under your skin. 0.96

01:19:06.000 They're going to do all that.

01:19:07.000 Cool headbands.

01:19:09.000 You know?

01:19:09.000 Yeah.

01:19:10.000 Cool headbands that you wear.

01:19:12.000 They're stylish.

01:19:12.000 But it's also like, at a certain point, maybe that's just what we have to do.

01:19:15.000 Because you know what?

01:19:16.000 What else are we doing in this country?

01:19:17.000 Going to buffets and, you know, eating fried chicken and selling each other hand grenades and taking cruises.

01:19:24.000 Think of phones.

01:19:25.000 Think of phones, right?

01:19:26.000 I mean, how often do you see people walking around and they just have this thing in their hand everywhere they go?

01:19:30.000 And we just think of it as no big deal now.

01:19:32.000 It's going to be in your head soon.

01:19:33.000 Yeah.

01:19:33.000 But go back 25 years ago, that was not the case.

01:19:36.000 You didn't see people walking around with phones.

01:19:38.000 Right.

01:19:39.000 They didn't walk everywhere with a phone in their hand.

01:19:41.000 No.

01:19:41.000 But now it's a normal part of life.

01:19:44.000 Yeah.

01:19:44.000 A normal part of life will be you're going to wear this thing.

01:19:46.000 It's going to be on the side of your head.

01:19:48.000 And if you're lying, it'll be red.

01:19:50.000 That's creepy because I love to lie.

01:19:52.000 What do you lie about mostly?

01:19:53.000 I mean everything.

01:19:54.000 Hi, how are you?

01:19:55.000 Good to see you.

01:19:56.000 It's so funny.

01:19:57.000 So funny.

01:19:59.000 So funny.

01:20:01.000 So good.

01:20:02.000 It's so good.

01:20:04.000 Yeah.

01:20:05.000 So good.

01:20:06.000 We all lie.

01:20:07.000 You gotta lie.

01:20:08.000 A little bit.

01:20:08.000 If you're not lying, you're wasting.

01:20:10.000 If I'm not lying, it means I don't care.

01:20:12.000 Or you're wasting a lot of time.

01:20:13.000 I didn't show up to Dr. Drew once.

01:20:15.000 I totally forgot. 1.00

01:20:17.000 I went to the beach like an idiot, right? 1.00

01:20:19.000 I was at the Trump golf course at Palos Verdes. 1.00

01:20:22.000 I get an email from the booker of your mom's house and they said, are you finding parking okay?

01:20:25.000 I panicked.

01:20:27.000 I didn't know what to do.

01:20:29.000 Did you forget totally?

01:20:30.000 Totally forgot.

01:20:31.000 Totally forgot.

01:20:32.000 They didn't send a reminder, which they don't have to.

01:20:34.000 I'm an adult.

01:20:34.000 Totally forgot.

01:20:35.000 It was in the Trump.

01:20:36.000 So I said, okay, well, Trump. 0.91

01:20:38.000 So I said, listen, my mother is sick.

01:20:40.000 She's on her deathbed.

01:20:42.000 I have to fly.

01:20:42.000 Do you know about this lie?

01:20:43.000 Yeah.

01:20:44.000 I've told it.

01:20:44.000 I've talked about it on a cigarette show.

01:20:45.000 But I said, my mother's on her deathbed.

01:20:48.000 I have to fly to New York.

01:20:49.000 I'm so sorry.

01:20:50.000 Ten minutes later, I realized there's a picture of me on Instagram at the beach in Manhattan Beach.

01:20:56.000 But why did I lie?

01:20:57.000 Because I cared.

01:20:59.000 I was embarrassed that I didn't go.

01:21:02.000 So the lie was because I cared. 1.00

01:21:04.000 If I didn't lie, if I just emailed them and went, oh, sorry, fuck. 1.00

01:21:07.000 Sorry, dude. 1.00

01:21:07.000 Forgot. 1.00

01:21:08.000 That would mean I didn't care.

01:21:09.000 The lie is because you care.

01:21:11.000 It doesn't mean you're a comic and you forget about things.

01:21:13.000 I know, but sometimes you've got to lie to show people you care about them.

01:21:17.000 Hmm.

01:21:18.000 Interesting.

01:21:18.000 That's a good way to think about it.

01:21:20.000 Interesting perspective.

01:21:21.000 That's a pretty good way to think about it.

01:21:22.000 That's the way the government thinks.

01:21:23.000 They're like, we lie about you to prove that we care.

01:21:26.000 Really?

01:21:27.000 Yeah.

01:21:28.000 Guaranteed.

01:21:28.000 Yeah.

01:21:29.000 I don't think so.

01:21:29.000 They go, people can't know this.

01:21:30.000 They cannot handle the truth.

01:21:31.000 Like what?

01:21:32.000 Anything.

01:21:33.000 Aliens?

01:21:33.000 All of it.

01:21:35.000 Have you read that book, Chaos, about the Manson family in the CIA? I've read some of it.

01:21:40.000 Yeah.

01:21:40.000 It's Fitzsimmons' buddy.

01:21:41.000 Yeah.

01:21:42.000 It's very interesting.

01:21:43.000 He's coming on on Thursday.

01:21:43.000 It's going to be interesting.

01:21:44.000 Well, all of that stuff in the CIA, what was going on in Laurel Canyon is crazy.

01:21:49.000 There was this guy who wrote a book, Dave McGowan, and he wrote a book called Weird Scenes Inside the Canyon, and it's all about this weird overlap between this burgeoning music scene and a lot of intelligence things, LSD, Timothy Leary, all these things that were happening in the Haight-Ashbury and Laurel Canyon.

01:22:06.000 Where they were, you know, running operations, experimenting with these mind control drugs on all these different people and like cozying up to weird cults and it was very strange.

01:22:16.000 That's what the book's about.

01:22:16.000 Yeah.

01:22:17.000 I'm in chapter eight now.

01:22:19.000 It's really wild.

01:22:20.000 It keeps getting crazier and crazier.

01:22:22.000 Once they get deeper and deeper into the CIA mind control ops and what they were actually doing and what they were allowing, they were literally letting people free.

01:22:31.000 They were telling people at one of the murder trials to never bring up Charles Manson.

01:22:36.000 The prosecuting judge was being told to ignore evidence about Manson.

01:22:44.000 Don't bring up Manson.

01:22:45.000 The prosecuting attorney, don't bring up Manson.

01:22:46.000 They were being told to not bring up Manson.

01:22:49.000 Because the CIA was studying human behavior and In order to do that, they had to get in bed with some very, you know, nefarious characters.

01:22:56.000 Well, not just studying behavior.

01:22:58.000 They were trying to get rid of the hippies.

01:23:00.000 They were trying to disband the hippies, and they were trying to use people like the Manson family to attack people that were in black rights movements and civil rights movements.

01:23:12.000 They're trying to destabilize a lot of the anti-war movements.

01:23:15.000 Opposition groups. 1.00

01:23:16.000 Crazy shit. 1.00

01:23:17.000 But they were also trying to create a Manchurian candidate, see if they could wipe somebody's mind clean and control them. 1.00

01:23:22.000 A lot of those mind control experiments went back to Operation Paperclip, where you had scientists that were in Germany doing these really harrowing experiments on people.

01:23:33.000 We brought them all to America after this, and they continued a lot of those experiments here.

01:23:37.000 Yeah, we've talked about Operation Paperclip.

01:23:40.000 Too much.

01:23:41.000 And so the whole thing is like, did it ever stop?

01:23:43.000 That's the interesting question.

01:23:44.000 Yeah, of course.

01:23:44.000 Did it ever stop or is it still going on right now?

01:23:46.000 Why would it stop?

01:23:47.000 Well, of course, why would it stop?

01:23:49.000 I mean, when you go to Operation Northwoods and you find out that the Joint Chiefs of Staff had already signed a document saying that they're down with blowing up a jet airliner and blaming it on Cuba.

01:23:59.000 Yeah, blowing up a boat.

01:24:00.000 Yeah.

01:24:01.000 Using Cuban friendlies, arming them to attack Guantanamo Bay. 0.91

01:24:05.000 It's crazy.

01:24:05.000 They're like, if we could do this in 1960s, if they were doing that in the early 1960s, everything evolves, right?

01:24:13.000 Everything evolves.

01:24:14.000 Yeah.

01:24:14.000 Like, why wouldn't that evolve?

01:24:15.000 It's interesting.

01:24:16.000 And you wonder what are, you know, are some of the, are these, are apps You know, the new mind control.

01:24:23.000 Like, do they look at an app and see the way people are behaving?

01:24:26.000 Well, that's why the government's telling you to get off of TikTok.

01:24:28.000 And then Google won't allow people to have TikTok on their phones.

01:24:31.000 It's a Chinese, yeah.

01:24:32.000 There's other things.

01:24:32.000 Zoom.

01:24:33.000 Google's saying don't have Zoom on your computer if you work at Google.

01:24:37.000 Interesting.

01:24:38.000 Well, because Zoom collects, I think, a lot of data from your phone or something like that.

01:24:41.000 Like, it collects everything.

01:24:42.000 I don't understand.

01:24:43.000 Well, they've compromised.

01:24:45.000 There's certain security problems with the application. 0.99

01:24:49.000 The president of the company that created it said they fucked up. 1.00

01:24:53.000 The CEO said they fucked up. 1.00

01:24:54.000 That there's been some fuck-ups. 1.00

01:24:56.000 I just don't think that they expected this many people to start using it that quickly. 0.99

01:25:00.000 And I think as it scaled up because of the pandemic, everybody was like, what the fuck? 0.98

01:25:04.000 I didn't use it. 0.99

01:25:05.000 They were going to do a call, an Easter call, and they were going to put 20 people on it.

01:25:08.000 My family and my little cousin's like, do you want to come on this?

01:25:11.000 I'm like, dude, let's stop.

01:25:12.000 And then he told me it was hard.

01:25:13.000 It's 20 people.

01:25:14.000 We got elderly people on there who don't know what's going on.

01:25:17.000 They're just being told to look into a phone.

01:25:19.000 They have no idea what's happening.

01:25:20.000 There's 20 people.

01:25:21.000 Half of them are drunk in their home.

01:25:23.000 They haven't seen the outside in a month, and they're all screaming over each other.

01:25:27.000 It's like, yeah, this isn't a good use of anyone's time.

01:25:30.000 No.

01:25:31.000 And also, they're doing these comedy things.

01:25:33.000 Did you see the one with Christ, with Burt and Sandler?

01:25:37.000 No.

01:25:37.000 It's probably the worst thing I've ever seen.

01:25:39.000 Yeah, that's when Burt said he called it...

01:25:40.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:25:41.000 I saw that.

01:25:42.000 He had no idea what Sandler's done.

01:25:44.000 He didn't even know Sandler apparently was a comedian. 1.00

01:25:48.000 He thought Sandler was like a fucking doctor. 0.99

01:25:50.000 What did he call Happy Madison or something like that? 0.99

01:25:53.000 Yeah, and then he said, I'm going to watch not Uncut Gems, he said, Precious Gems or something.

01:25:58.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:25:58.000 Precious Gems.

01:25:59.000 He didn't know Uncut Gems.

01:26:01.000 And also he asked him, if you were to film one movie for the rest of your life, what would it be?

01:26:06.000 And he's like, am I on like morning TV in Dallas?

01:26:10.000 I almost wondered if Burt was trolling.

01:26:11.000 I thought Burt was doing that on purpose.

01:26:14.000 Because it was brilliant.

01:26:15.000 Bert does certain things where I go, I think he might be a genius.

01:26:19.000 Because he does certain things where I'm like, did he do that to just get that level of no?

01:26:25.000 Trust me.

01:26:26.000 Trust me.

01:26:27.000 That's just Bert when he's not drunk.

01:26:30.000 Bert's not drunk.

01:26:31.000 He doesn't even know what reality is.

01:26:33.000 Why does his air feel so weird?

01:26:34.000 He's like, why is the sky blue? 0.98

01:26:36.000 He doesn't know what the fuck life is. 0.97

01:26:38.000 But he's very smart in terms of like savvy marketing. 0.99

01:26:41.000 He is good.

01:26:41.000 Well, he's relentless.

01:26:43.000 He's relentless, yeah.

01:26:44.000 I mean, he knows a lot about that stuff.

01:26:46.000 Yeah, he knows a lot about being relentless.

01:26:48.000 Yeah, sometimes I'll see something he does and I'm like, that's smart.

01:26:51.000 Well, he makes good little video promos for specials and tours and stuff like that.

01:26:56.000 He's good at that.

01:26:57.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:26:57.000 He's good at self-promotion.

01:26:59.000 It's very true.

01:27:00.000 So I didn't know if that was real.

01:27:01.000 I didn't know if he was really asking Adam Sandler if he had Netflix.

01:27:04.000 I said, that seems odd to ask someone if they have Netflix. 1.00

01:27:07.000 When he's made movies for Netflix, you fucking dummy. 0.99

01:27:09.000 So I'm like, is he doing that as a bit? 1.00

01:27:12.000 I'm like, oh, good job!

01:27:13.000 No, he doesn't know what he's doing.

01:27:14.000 And he's making noises with his mouth and then trying to, like, figure out what they are in real time.

01:27:21.000 That's what it is.

01:27:22.000 I mean, yeah.

01:27:23.000 Bird should never be not drunk.

01:27:25.000 Right.

01:27:25.000 Wait a minute, you're flipping on this.

01:27:27.000 He should never be sober.

01:27:28.000 He should be drunk all the time.

01:27:30.000 Okay, interesting.

01:27:31.000 He should just be drunk.

01:27:32.000 He's better at it.

01:27:33.000 He's amazing when he's drunk.

01:27:35.000 If he's talking publicly.

01:27:37.000 But actually, when we did a podcast the other day, he wasn't drunk for the beginning, and then we started drinking.

01:27:44.000 And then we started smoking a little weed.

01:27:45.000 And it's like, let's come on.

01:27:46.000 Let's just, here you go, yeah.

01:27:48.000 And he said that he had been sober the entire quarantine, except for that one day.

01:27:52.000 Is he worried about Corona?

01:27:53.000 No.

01:27:53.000 Oh yeah, he should be.

01:27:54.000 He's on high blood pressure medication.

01:27:56.000 I mean, a lot of us are.

01:27:57.000 I'm a bigger guy.

01:27:58.000 I don't know if that's going to be a problem.

01:28:00.000 Joey's a bigger guy.

01:28:01.000 I don't know how much that matters, but it can't be good.

01:28:05.000 It can't be good.

01:28:06.000 It definitely matters.

01:28:07.000 It matters for your immune system.

01:28:09.000 Are you taking any CBD? Do you take CBD at all?

01:28:11.000 No, but if I could take CBD that wouldn't get me high, because I'm sober, so I know that CBD is nuts.

01:28:16.000 Yeah, but you know a lot of it has a percentage of...

01:28:18.000 Yeah, CBDMD has CBD that doesn't...

01:28:19.000 Is that good for the immune system?

01:28:21.000 Yes.

01:28:21.000 This actually won't...

01:28:22.000 Try this.

01:28:23.000 This is a...

01:28:24.000 What is it?

01:28:24.000 Kill Cliff with 25 milligrams of CBD. Not a lot.

01:28:27.000 Is it coffee that I don't really drink?

01:28:29.000 I don't do caffeine.

01:28:30.000 No, no, there's no caffeine in that.

01:28:31.000 What is it?

01:28:31.000 No, it's just delicious.

01:28:32.000 I'll take it with me.

01:28:34.000 Just drink it.

01:28:35.000 I'll be drinking it the whole show.

01:28:36.000 What is the best thing you could do for your immune system if you don't want?

01:28:40.000 Vitamin C. Vitamin C. Take a lot of vitamin C, but particularly...

01:28:44.000 Can I eat an orange or I have to take it?

01:28:45.000 Yeah, you can eat an orange, sure.

01:28:47.000 I like taking it, though, because it ensures that you're going to get a specific amount.

01:28:51.000 Of it.

01:28:52.000 I take 4,000 IUs of vitamin D every day as well.

01:28:58.000 Okay.

01:28:58.000 I think that's really good for your immune system.

01:29:00.000 I should start a regimen of vitamins.

01:29:02.000 Yeah, I take liposomal glutathione every day.

01:29:06.000 I take a packet of vitamins every day.

01:29:09.000 When you took the test, were you like, hey, you had wanted the antibodies?

01:29:14.000 Or you were just like, I don't want any corona.

01:29:15.000 I would like to know that I had it and it bounced right off my immune system.

01:29:20.000 Yeah.

01:29:20.000 So the thing is, I asked him, I go, okay, does this mean I was not exposed to it?

01:29:23.000 He goes, no.

01:29:24.000 He goes, it's possible that you were exposed to it, but your immune system fought it off before it ever got to your bloodstream.

01:29:28.000 What this antibody test means is that it was in your bloodstream and your body fought it off.

01:29:34.000 Interesting.

01:29:35.000 So it never got into my bloodstream, but he said it does not mean you weren't in contact with it.

01:29:40.000 Because when I came back, I came back from Vancouver, and I was sick, and then they diagnosed it as strep, but they also said that's a common co-infection.

01:29:47.000 When was this?

01:29:48.000 What time?

01:29:48.000 Early March, March 3rd.

01:29:50.000 Oh, you might have had it.

01:29:51.000 I think I had it.

01:29:53.000 I think I had it, and I beat it.

01:29:55.000 Really?

01:29:56.000 I think I had it and I beat it.

01:29:57.000 Ooh, we're gonna find out.

01:29:58.000 If I find out, and of course I didn't, and they're gonna tell me no.

01:30:01.000 They're gonna say you don't have it.

01:30:02.000 But if I have those antibodies, I mean, it's just gonna be buck wild.

01:30:06.000 There's a guy- I'm just gonna get on a plane and go to New York.

01:30:08.000 Did I send you the video?

01:30:09.000 The guy on Thunderfoot?

01:30:11.000 That guy from YouTube?

01:30:13.000 Yes.

01:30:13.000 Yeah, he's a...

01:30:14.000 I think he's a chemist and he's worked at CERN. Really, really intelligent, interesting guy, but he's making these YouTube videos on COVID-19 and how really, how dangerous it actually is.

01:30:27.000 And his estimates are that if we opened up everything, you could get death rates as high as 300,000 a day.

01:30:34.000 Yeah, which is...

01:30:34.000 I was like, what?

01:30:35.000 Yeah, it's crazy.

01:30:36.000 That would collapse the system, right?

01:30:38.000 I mean, we could...

01:30:39.000 What do you got, Jamie?

01:30:39.000 They announced the council to reopen America.

01:30:42.000 Ivanka Trump's on the council?

01:30:44.000 I feel comfortable.

01:30:45.000 Yo! 1.00

01:30:46.000 I feel comfortable.

01:30:47.000 Whoa, whoa, whoa.

01:30:47.000 Gerald Kushner's on the council?

01:30:49.000 Yeah.

01:30:50.000 Come on.

01:30:50.000 These are his kids.

01:30:51.000 How is that not disgusting? 0.96

01:30:54.000 Well, this is part of the problem with his administration.

01:30:57.000 Even his conservative fans don't like this.

01:31:00.000 Well, there's seven people, and two of them are in his family.

01:31:03.000 Like, even Ann Coulter has said, listen, this is not what anyone signed up for, giving your kids jobs.

01:31:07.000 That is so crazy that he's taking this girl who's like 30 years old and her goofy husband, and those are part of the seven people.

01:31:15.000 By the way, are any of these guys health people?

01:31:17.000 They're all financial people, right?

01:31:18.000 Do any of these people have anything to do with health?

01:31:21.000 I don't know.

01:31:22.000 Who's Larry?

01:31:22.000 Larry.

01:31:23.000 Larry Kudlow's an economic advisor. 0.82

01:31:24.000 He was like a big cokehead in the 80s. 1.00

01:31:26.000 What about...

01:31:26.000 He was awesome.

01:31:27.000 Was he?

01:31:28.000 I mean, he's fun.

01:31:28.000 Yeah, but I don't think he knows...

01:31:29.000 Was he a cokehead? 1.00

01:31:29.000 Yeah, there's things in a book about him doing coke. 1.00

01:31:33.000 Bill Gates is trying to kill everyone. 0.81

01:31:35.000 Anyway, moving on.

01:31:37.000 And Wilbur?

01:31:38.000 What about Wilbur?

01:31:39.000 Wilbur Ross is the Commerce Secretary, right?

01:31:41.000 I mean, I don't know. 0.99

01:31:42.000 He looks like he is a demon who's eating children. 0.70

01:31:45.000 A fish? 0.97

01:31:45.000 I mean, look at his face and you tell me he's not eating a child in the woods. 0.97

01:31:50.000 Maybe he has, right?

01:31:51.000 He's like the outsider.

01:31:52.000 Mark Meadows looks like he's being blackmailed currently.

01:31:55.000 Yeah, it's a fun group.

01:31:57.000 Yeah, what do they blackmail Mark for?

01:31:58.000 I don't know.

01:31:59.000 If you had a guess.

01:31:59.000 In a fictitious world, and this is just for fun.

01:32:02.000 Women tie him up and shit on him. 1.00

01:32:04.000 Shit in his mouth or? 1.00

01:32:05.000 On his chest. 1.00

01:32:06.000 They tie him up in the bedroom.

01:32:09.000 They take video.

01:32:10.000 Yeah, they probably hit him.

01:32:11.000 And he tells them to take video of him.

01:32:13.000 Yeah, yes.

01:32:13.000 And then he calls him up and goes, I can't believe you have that video.

01:32:15.000 Maybe a little Fidom, too.

01:32:17.000 They call him up. 1.00

01:32:18.000 They go, give me money, faggot. 1.00

01:32:19.000 And he gives him money, you know? 1.00

01:32:20.000 Yeah, that's happening there.

01:32:22.000 Yeah.

01:32:23.000 That's happening there.

01:32:24.000 And Mnuchin.

01:32:25.000 Yeah, and he could sue me if he doesn't like it. 0.99

01:32:26.000 Mnuchin, do you think his wife fucks him with gloves on? 1.00

01:32:28.000 I don't think anyone fucks him. 0.99

01:32:29.000 I think Mnuchin... 0.98

01:32:30.000 He's got a hot wife, though. 1.00

01:32:31.000 He probably does.

01:32:32.000 You have a lot of money, you get a hot wife. 0.99

01:32:33.000 You know, a lot of these guys.

01:32:34.000 A lot of these guys do.

01:32:36.000 That's how they get money, right?

01:32:37.000 They get money so they can have a hot wife. 1.00

01:32:39.000 That's the whole point.

01:32:39.000 Otherwise, why would you get a lot of money?

01:32:41.000 To have a pedophile island or a hot wife? 0.79

01:32:44.000 But, like, if you really had billions and billions of dollars and you didn't have a hot wife, like, what are you doing with all that money? 1.00

01:32:49.000 Fucking a lot of different hot women. 1.00

01:32:50.000 On the side? 1.00

01:32:51.000 Yeah.

01:32:51.000 Keep them quiet?

01:32:52.000 Yeah.

01:32:53.000 Yeah.

01:32:53.000 I mean, that's part of it, right?

01:32:54.000 How much you gotta give them to keep them quiet?

01:32:57.000 A lot.

01:32:57.000 Not a lot.

01:32:58.000 Enough.

01:33:01.000 Here's the thing, with a lot of these guys that are just money people, what keeps them working?

01:33:05.000 It's the same thing as what keeps us doing.

01:33:07.000 Stand-up, it's just the desire.

01:33:09.000 Yeah, I think it's just a desire to be good or great at something and just continually do something and get better and better at it.

01:33:16.000 They want to make more and more money.

01:33:18.000 Stand-up is great because you never feel like you've mastered it.

01:33:23.000 And I think money's great because there's always more and more to get.

01:33:26.000 So these guys, it's a way for type A personalities to just throw themselves into something that they'll never fully master.

01:33:34.000 You know?

01:33:34.000 They're addicted.

01:33:35.000 You get addicted to it.

01:33:36.000 We all get addicted to it.

01:33:36.000 So it's a game they're constantly playing.

01:33:39.000 It's a game!

01:33:39.000 And they're always looking to be in the black.

01:33:42.000 Yeah.

01:33:43.000 I know some guys that work for some very successful guys, and it's just like it's akin to a religious experience.

01:33:50.000 That's how they feel the most alive.

01:33:52.000 When they're winning.

01:33:53.000 When they're winning, they feel the most alive.

01:33:54.000 We feel really good on stage.

01:33:56.000 That's where we feel alive.

01:33:58.000 Well, we feel really good creating, right?

01:34:01.000 Creating.

01:34:01.000 When you have a bit, or a video clip, like the Meghan McCain video.

01:34:06.000 Yeah, anything.

01:34:07.000 When you're putting together those things, You're creating it, and once it launches, you're like, haha, we did it.

01:34:12.000 Yeah.

01:34:12.000 We gave birth.

01:34:13.000 We did a thing that was creative and funny, and that's why podcasting now, thank God, because I don't know what the fuck I would do. 0.95

01:34:18.000 If I wasn't making these little videos on podcasting, I don't know what I would do. 0.68

01:34:21.000 Well, that's where it's weird, right?

01:34:23.000 This has got to go somewhere.

01:34:25.000 Unless you're right, I will get sued. 1.00

01:34:26.000 These poor fucks that don't have podcasts. 1.00

01:34:29.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:34:29.000 Well, a lot of people, and I have sympathy for them, they thought that the stage was a constant. 0.99

01:34:35.000 And a lot of people believed that.

01:34:37.000 Everybody was like, nobody can take away your stand-up.

01:34:38.000 You're like, Bill Burr was like, they can't take away your stand-up or your podcast.

01:34:41.000 Everyone believed that. 0.99

01:34:42.000 And then you never thought about a fucking pandemic. 0.99

01:34:44.000 You never thought that one day it would be illegal to gather. 0.99

01:34:48.000 How long are you going to wait before you take the Bill Gates vaccine?

01:34:52.000 You know, I will...

01:34:54.000 I'll think about...

01:34:55.000 Listen, I'm pretty confident, Joe.

01:34:57.000 I've beaten this and I have antibodies, so I don't know that I need the vaccine.

01:35:00.000 We're going to find out in an hour and a half.

01:35:01.000 I think I have it.

01:35:02.000 I'm going to talk big because I think I beat it.

01:35:05.000 But what happens after an hour and a half if it comes back like, nope?

01:35:08.000 I will say the test is faulty.

01:35:11.000 I will not believe the test.

01:35:13.000 No, I will take the Gates vaccine.

01:35:15.000 My concern is for the tribal women. 0.97

01:35:17.000 Do you think there's going to be a microship in that?

01:35:19.000 This is what we've got to watch.

01:35:21.000 This is what we've got to watch.

01:35:22.000 We have to watch these people.

01:35:24.000 Tech people scare me a lot more than financial people because financial people are crooks.

01:35:27.000 You can see them coming a mile away.

01:35:29.000 Tech people think they're doing stuff for the greater good.

01:35:32.000 They're more cult leaders.

01:35:33.000 It's very dangerous when you have all these people that are supposedly altruistic and they're operating pretty much in the shadows.

01:35:41.000 You don't know what they're doing.

01:35:42.000 You don't know where this money is coming from.

01:35:44.000 But I'll probably take the vaccine.

01:35:47.000 I'll probably take it.

01:35:48.000 Do you wish during this time that you smoked pot?

01:35:50.000 Yes.

01:35:52.000 Do you ever thought about starting up again?

01:35:54.000 No, because I think I would get too paranoid.

01:35:56.000 Yeah, that's part of the fun.

01:35:57.000 I know.

01:35:58.000 How do you feel about secondhand smoke?

01:35:59.000 Can you handle it?

01:36:00.000 Yeah, smoke it.

01:36:01.000 You smoked last time.

01:36:01.000 It was fine.

01:36:02.000 Beautiful.

01:36:03.000 You smoke whatever you want.

01:36:04.000 You know?

01:36:05.000 This keeps me together.

01:36:07.000 No, you got to do it.

01:36:10.000 I'm going to go on a ventilator while you do that.

01:36:12.000 I'm just going to sit here on a vent.

01:36:16.000 I would share this with you, Jamie, but you haven't been tested yet. 0.76

01:36:19.000 Is Jamie going to get the test, or is he going to puss? 0.76

01:36:21.000 Of course he is. 0.98

01:36:22.000 He's going to puss out?

01:36:22.000 Everybody gets the test.

01:36:23.000 Everybody gets the test, man, and you go on the list.

01:36:25.000 Security guys get the test.

01:36:26.000 Everybody gets the test today.

01:36:27.000 Great.

01:36:27.000 Yeah.

01:36:28.000 And we know the results right away.

01:36:29.000 15 minutes, and then Delia's coming by tomorrow. 0.99

01:36:31.000 I'm going to give Delia the test before the fucking show. 1.00

01:36:35.000 I'm going to keep him 13 feet away, because I read something online. 0.98

01:36:39.000 If anybody, yeah.

01:36:41.000 Listen, I report, you decide.

01:36:45.000 When, if you had COVID right now, would this test detect it?

01:36:49.000 Yes, because you have the antibodies.

01:36:52.000 So if I had it now and I was asymptomatic?

01:36:55.000 It's going to say, hey, your body's fighting off the COVID. Fuck. 1.00

01:36:59.000 Wow. 1.00

01:36:59.000 Interesting. 1.00

01:37:00.000 So this is the big one.

01:37:01.000 Yeah.

01:37:02.000 Okay.

01:37:02.000 Test the blood.

01:37:03.000 Yeah.

01:37:04.000 Test the blood.

01:37:04.000 And then also the- Is it a pinprick?

01:37:06.000 Quick one or do they go in?

01:37:07.000 Real quick.

01:37:08.000 Okay.

01:37:08.000 Pinprick.

01:37:08.000 They can do the fucking swab of your brain cavity too.

01:37:11.000 That's a little much. 1.00

01:37:12.000 If you'd like.

01:37:13.000 That's a little much.

01:37:13.000 Some people go for both tests because they really, really, really, really want to know.

01:37:17.000 But I don't think you need...

01:37:18.000 You've got to do the blood first because then you don't need the...

01:37:20.000 You know what this has made me concentrate on more?

01:37:23.000 Things that I enjoy.

01:37:24.000 That's true.

01:37:26.000 I've given up my carnivore diet even though I really do enjoy the carnivore diet because I want pasta.

01:37:31.000 Yeah, every now and then you gotta do something.

01:37:33.000 I've been playing a lot more pool, even though it's nonsense.

01:37:39.000 Do you want to go back on the road like you were?

01:37:41.000 No one does, right?

01:37:42.000 Nobody wants to be back on a plane every week anymore, right?

01:37:44.000 I just love comedy.

01:37:45.000 I want to go on the road, but we were all on the road.

01:37:48.000 I was on a plane every Thursday.

01:37:49.000 Well, you kind of have to do it when you're building markets.

01:37:53.000 Yeah, well, I'm going to have to do it.

01:37:54.000 But I've been thinking about doing a residency in L.A. I've been thinking about literally having shows every weekend in L.A. and then occasionally going on the road.

01:38:02.000 Like getting a small theater.

01:38:04.000 And I remember, who used to do that?

01:38:06.000 Was it Eddie Izzard?

01:38:08.000 It might have been Eddie Izzard.

01:38:10.000 He did a residency in L.A. right off of La Cienega where he was performing almost every weekend.

01:38:22.000 It's a good idea. 0.81

01:38:23.000 Not a bad idea if you have like a 500 seat theater or some shit.

01:38:25.000 I think once things open up again and people can start flying and things normalize to a degree.

01:38:29.000 Was it Eddie?

01:38:30.000 Yeah.

01:38:31.000 People can come out again.

01:38:34.000 At the Trepany house.

01:38:36.000 So he had a mini residency back in 2012. That's what it was.

01:38:40.000 Yeah, because the amount of traveling that I was doing, now I think to myself, I'm like, you just put yourself at a lot of risk out there.

01:38:47.000 You wear your immune system down.

01:38:49.000 But it's also a drag. 0.99

01:38:51.000 But there's people that are in Milwaukee or Cleveland or whatever, they can't afford to come to LA and get a fucking hotel room and all that shit. 0.98

01:38:59.000 You're going to want to come to them every now and then? 0.99

01:39:01.000 You have to.

01:39:02.000 Yeah, but I feel like all that 20 weeks a year, that's a lot.

01:39:08.000 I think I had 37 booked this year, and a lot of them went away already, and probably more of them will.

01:39:14.000 37 weeks?

01:39:15.000 I mean, it's crazy.

01:39:16.000 The worst I had was when I was doing the UFC 22 weekends a year.

01:39:21.000 Jeez!

01:39:21.000 Yeah, that was crazy.

01:39:23.000 That's a lot.

01:39:23.000 That was like every other weekend I was flying.

01:39:25.000 And then stand-up too.

01:39:26.000 Yeah, but I wasn't doing as much stand-up because those were the days also when I wasn't at the store.

01:39:31.000 Okay.

01:39:31.000 That was when I was banned from the store.

01:39:33.000 Okay.

01:39:33.000 And it was also the days where I just had a dumb idea that I could just do theaters on Friday night and do it like every weekend and I'd be fine.

01:39:43.000 Yeah.

01:39:43.000 And it really wasn't.

01:39:43.000 No, you gotta work it out.

01:39:45.000 Yeah.

01:39:46.000 Wasn't enough.

01:39:47.000 Yeah.

01:39:47.000 Stand-up just, it's like if you ran every weekend.

01:39:50.000 Are you in shape?

01:39:52.000 Right.

01:39:53.000 You know, you're in kind of shape.

01:39:54.000 Partially.

01:39:55.000 You can run every weekend, but you're not ready to rock.

01:39:58.000 You're not ready to go.

01:39:59.000 Yeah, you're not ready to go.

01:40:00.000 And that's how stand-up is, too.

01:40:01.000 It's like you can feel comfortable enough.

01:40:03.000 People are coming to see you.

01:40:04.000 You can go on stage and perform.

01:40:06.000 But stand-up is like, there's no real shortcuts.

01:40:09.000 No.

01:40:10.000 To do it right, you've got to do it.

01:40:11.000 First of all, I believe a bunch of things.

01:40:14.000 And they're not true with everybody.

01:40:15.000 But I think you have to go to the clubs.

01:40:17.000 Yeah.

01:40:18.000 And I think you have to go on stage at least four days a week.

01:40:22.000 And I think you have to write.

01:40:24.000 And I think you have to listen to your material.

01:40:25.000 Now, you can get away with not doing one or two of those things.

01:40:30.000 Yeah.

01:40:30.000 But they seem to be the core tenets for doing your best work.

01:40:35.000 100%.

01:40:36.000 I figured out, like, I build stuff on a podcast sometimes.

01:40:41.000 Like, I will talk.

01:40:42.000 Want one of these, Jamie?

01:40:45.000 I'll talk for an hour a week on a podcast.

01:40:46.000 That's a great way to kind of build something.

01:40:49.000 Yeah, that's a great way.

01:40:50.000 Stanhope told me that he uses that.

01:40:51.000 And I listen to my podcast back and then pick out chunks of it that I'm like, oh, that could be funny.

01:40:56.000 Well, your podcast, too, one of the things that I like about you, it's almost like you work yourself into a trance where you're just a ranting trance.

01:41:05.000 Yes.

01:41:06.000 Yeah, it seems like you have to build up momentum.

01:41:08.000 I do.

01:41:09.000 I do.

01:41:09.000 I don't talk to anyone for the whole day.

01:41:11.000 It's true.

01:41:12.000 I don't talk to anyone for the whole day.

01:41:14.000 And then when my producer comes over with the studios in the apartment, I just kind of go.

01:41:20.000 I have all this pent up and I just go.

01:41:22.000 And that's worked really well because it can be really funny.

01:41:26.000 That's when it's really funny because it's just out there raw.

01:41:30.000 Sometimes the funniest stuff is just I haven't ever said it before.

01:41:33.000 And you don't have guests.

01:41:34.000 I don't have guests.

01:41:35.000 You're doing it like Burr, which is real interesting.

01:41:37.000 Yeah, it's just me.

01:41:38.000 I think that's really strong for developing material.

01:41:41.000 Yeah, and it's funny.

01:41:43.000 People come to me and go, there's enough of it that's really funny.

01:41:48.000 And then sometimes it's ludicrous. 0.93

01:41:49.000 I'm being ludicrous. 0.55

01:41:50.000 But they give you that room. 0.73

01:41:53.000 Yes.

01:41:53.000 They have that room.

01:41:54.000 Delia does that too. 0.97

01:41:55.000 Yes.

01:41:56.000 And Theo does a lot of that too.

01:41:58.000 Just ranting.

01:41:59.000 Yeah, because I'm a horrible interviewer.

01:42:04.000 No.

01:42:04.000 Yes.

01:42:05.000 I'm not horrible.

01:42:06.000 No, you just don't do it.

01:42:07.000 I just don't do it enough. 0.99

01:42:09.000 Dude, I fucking sucked at it for years. 0.98

01:42:11.000 Go back and listen to the early podcast. 0.99

01:42:13.000 I was not good at it.

01:42:14.000 You don't know when you're being annoying.

01:42:16.000 I'll interview somebody and I'll ask them a question and then I'll answer it.

01:42:20.000 Yeah.

01:42:20.000 And I'll go, you know what?

01:42:21.000 And that's a problem.

01:42:23.000 But that's because you have a thought and you want to run with it.

01:42:25.000 Right.

01:42:25.000 It's just...

01:42:27.000 It's different things, right?

01:42:29.000 And like the ones I do with Joey are different than the ones I do with Duncan, which are different than the ones I do with Dahlia or with you.

01:42:37.000 It's like you have a dance you're doing with everybody and sometimes it's hard to figure out what steps you're taking, you know?

01:42:44.000 It's tricky.

01:42:45.000 Podcasting is tricky.

01:42:46.000 I've done some good ones.

01:42:47.000 We have some good interviews in the archive.

01:42:49.000 But a lot of times, I've got to be very interested.

01:42:53.000 Sometimes I've had an XEA agent on and I was very interested.

01:42:56.000 When somebody comes on and I'm not super interested in it, it's very hard for me to still do it. 0.96

01:43:03.000 Which is the great thing about your show is when you bring people on, you give a fuck about what they're saying. 0.94

01:43:06.000 That seems to be the key. 0.97

01:43:08.000 Yes.

01:43:08.000 Like, that's the key.

01:43:09.000 Like, if anybody ever said, like, how did your podcast get successful?

01:43:13.000 I think two things.

01:43:14.000 One, I only talk to people that I want to talk to.

01:43:18.000 Right.

01:43:18.000 So no one's pushing anyone on me, and people have pushed people on me, and it's not worked out well.

01:43:23.000 The times that I've done it for favors, it's not good.

01:43:26.000 There's been some bad ones.

01:43:28.000 I wasn't interested in what they had to say, and I did it because someone was really trying to get me to have someone on.

01:43:34.000 I have to talk to the people that I want to talk to.

01:43:37.000 It has to be my idea, because I've got to really be engaged.

01:43:41.000 Sometimes people brought me ideas for guests, and it was good ideas, and I was really engaged.

01:43:46.000 Don't get me wrong.

01:43:47.000 It's not that I'm not open to suggestions, but it seems to be I have to genuinely want to do it.

01:43:53.000 Then it seems that while it's happening, I have to really be engaged in the conversation.

01:44:00.000 If it's not organic, man, people get it.

01:44:05.000 They know when you're hosing them.

01:44:08.000 You know well people know that yeah and most people in their life which is kind of what we've created lives where we can kind of be Yeah authentic like we can cut like most people have to file into certain Whether it's an office or wherever and they have to just tolerate bullshit Yes, and they have to talk to people they don't like and you've created a life where if you're not interested in what somebody has to say you don't have to speak to them and Well,

01:44:30.000 it's also, it doesn't mean that you're not going to get things wrong.

01:44:33.000 And this is what people have to understand.

01:44:35.000 Everyone's going to get things wrong if you talk as much as I do.

01:44:38.000 But I think I'm real honest about when I get it wrong.

01:44:42.000 So you have to be able to say, like, I shouldn't have said it that way.

01:44:46.000 I shouldn't have done that.

01:44:47.000 But it doesn't mean that you're not going to get it wrong.

01:44:49.000 It's just you're going to...

01:44:50.000 Get better at being you, right?

01:44:53.000 Like you're really good at being you for these rants that you do.

01:44:58.000 Burr's really good at being himself for those rants.

01:45:02.000 Amazing.

01:45:02.000 He's probably the best at just no pauses.

01:45:07.000 Yeah, no holds bar.

01:45:08.000 No holds bar.

01:45:09.000 Just runs right through subjects, with no preparation.

01:45:13.000 He's great.

01:45:14.000 Yeah, he's developed, and Stanhope's really good at it too.

01:45:17.000 Amazing.

01:45:18.000 Stan Hope, his podcast, he kind of developed because he doesn't have open mic nights.

01:45:24.000 Right.

01:45:24.000 Yeah, I use it because in L.A., there's less stage time than you would have in some other places.

01:45:30.000 Even though there's enough, you can do enough.

01:45:31.000 And I was doing a lot on the road, but it's more fun for me to just go off.

01:45:36.000 You're getting less stage time in L.A. than you were in New York?

01:45:39.000 New York, you can get up a crazy amount.

01:45:42.000 Really?

01:45:43.000 Well, there's so many clubs.

01:45:44.000 You can run from club to club to club to club.

01:45:46.000 I mean, guys like Mark Norman can do like 13 spots in a night.

01:45:49.000 I mean, that's inhuman.

01:45:50.000 But that's why he's so good.

01:45:52.000 It's like you do so much.

01:45:53.000 I like the amount of stage time I get here because the podcast is a great way to build...

01:45:58.000 Longer-form bits than just running where I have to get a laugh in front of an audience.

01:46:02.000 But you could do both, right?

01:46:03.000 Of course.

01:46:03.000 So you could do the podcast in New York and then just do 20 spots a night.

01:46:07.000 Yes.

01:46:07.000 Do you think that would be the way to go?

01:46:09.000 Is that the best way to do it?

01:46:10.000 No, I think it depends what your act is, right?

01:46:14.000 So if your act is quick, boom-boom jokes, boom-boom-boom, repetition is probably better.

01:46:19.000 But sometimes it's better to let an idea ruminate.

01:46:23.000 On a podcast and then to do maybe longer sets less frequently, people might want to build that way.

01:46:28.000 It's so individual, man.

01:46:29.000 There's no one way to do it.

01:46:32.000 I completely agree.

01:46:33.000 And I think that there's almost like a formula...

01:46:37.000 Where getting on stage is 100, right?

01:46:41.000 In terms of the amount of value you get for your effort.

01:46:46.000 Getting on stage is 100, and writing is maybe 30 or 40, but if you do it enough, it accumulates money in the bank.

01:46:55.000 In terms of numbers in the bank.

01:46:58.000 Gotta do it.

01:46:59.000 And I think that listening to a set is worth like $40 or $50.

01:47:03.000 So writing's worth like $30 or $40.

01:47:06.000 Listening to sets worth like $40 or $50.

01:47:08.000 And getting on stage is worth $100.

01:47:09.000 Yeah, Ralphie May did a great talk at, I think, I forget where it was.

01:47:13.000 Maybe the comedy store, maybe the improv, I don't know.

01:47:15.000 But he did a talk on stand-up where he said he used to play a game with himself where he'd give himself points if he did a new tag.

01:47:22.000 And then he said something interesting.

01:47:23.000 He goes, when's the last time you've gotten on stage with five minutes, just new material and nothing else?

01:47:27.000 He goes, because the first time you got on stage, you had five new minutes.

01:47:30.000 So it was the first time you got on stage, you had the balls to get up with five new minutes.

01:47:33.000 And he goes, so when's the last time you've gotten up with just five new minutes off the top?

01:47:37.000 And it makes you think.

01:47:38.000 It's like, yeah, that's a ballsy move to go out with just a new five and go, I'm just doing this.

01:47:44.000 Yeah.

01:47:44.000 And it's always bad in the beginning.

01:47:46.000 Yeah.

01:47:46.000 Do you think we're all going to be starting over again?

01:47:48.000 I mean, not starting over, but when we get back on stage, it's going to be so weird.

01:47:52.000 It's the longest a lot of us have gone.

01:47:54.000 Oh, yeah, man.

01:47:56.000 I think I went through when I when I was like in my 20s and I had ACL surgery for the first time that was like 90 Fuck early 90s, but I had never been off stage for like two weeks before right so two weeks later after knee reconstruction I was going on stage with crutches on I was like fuck it I'm going up Wow I was like I'm going up so I'd go on stage and hobble with a knee brace on and Two weeks after surgery.

01:48:25.000 You have to do it.

01:48:26.000 I cannot be off stage.

01:48:28.000 But then I went, I forget why, but I went even more than that one time in the early 2000s.

01:48:35.000 I think I went a whole month.

01:48:37.000 A month plus.

01:48:38.000 I'm trying to remember what's the longest time it's ever been.

01:48:41.000 I think with me it's a few weeks.

01:48:42.000 For a lot of us it's a few weeks.

01:48:43.000 Some people do maybe a TV thing or movie and it's like a month.

01:48:47.000 But this is going to be the longest stretch.

01:48:49.000 I think I've gone more than a month, but I'm not sure how long, whether it was two months.

01:48:53.000 If you had to bet, when do you think our feet touch a stage again?

01:48:58.000 Late May.

01:48:59.000 Really? 0.91

01:49:00.000 Yeah, and I think there's going to be some weird shit where you're going to have one table, and then there'll be three empty tables, and then another table, a line of people. 0.51

01:49:09.000 They'll be like, dot, [... 0.50

01:49:12.000 Do you think everyone's going to be in a mask?

01:49:14.000 Yeah, a lot of people are going to be wearing masks. 0.98

01:49:15.000 Dude, that's going to be creepy as fuck. 0.98

01:49:17.000 So weird. 0.99

01:49:18.000 And then they're going to have gloves on.

01:49:19.000 Are we going to have to have masks?

01:49:20.000 No.

01:49:23.000 Dude.

01:49:23.000 I don't know, man.

01:49:24.000 This is a post-apocalyptic stand-up.

01:49:27.000 Everyone's got a mask.

01:49:28.000 What if there's a flu that's 50% as deadly as COVID-19?

01:49:31.000 Well, I mean, let's worry about the one we have now is bad enough.

01:49:33.000 I know, but Paul, but it's not.

01:49:35.000 We have a pandemic.

01:49:36.000 The thing is, like, the numbers of people that have died of the flu this year are way higher.

01:49:41.000 For now.

01:49:42.000 For now.

01:49:43.000 For now.

01:49:44.000 For now.

01:49:45.000 But it's going to go on.

01:49:46.000 But my point is, if we are upset that the amount of people that have died from COVID-19, if this is the last person that dies, and it won't be, surely, but if this is the last person that dies, how close would the flu have to get to that for us to take commensurate measures?

01:50:05.000 If the flu, I don't know what the number is, and I don't think they know entirely how many people get infected versus how many people die, because I don't think they really know how many people get infected.

01:50:17.000 And if COVID, they were saying that as much as 70% of the people that get it are asymptomatic, So how many people really get it?

01:50:24.000 Maybe there's a lot more people that got it, and then they're just not showing symptoms, or is it, we don't have accurate data?

01:50:32.000 I think it's probably, we don't have accurate data.

01:50:35.000 Right.

01:50:37.000 A lot of people definitely get it and don't have any symptoms, because there seems to be a lot of evidence of that.

01:50:42.000 But I don't think they know how many people got it.

01:50:44.000 We might have a very small number of people that have got it, and out of those people, the vast majority show no symptoms.

01:50:50.000 But it might be like 1% of the population has been infected.

01:50:53.000 We don't even know.

01:50:54.000 Part of the problem of keeping everyone on a lockdown is that nobody's developing immunity.

01:50:58.000 That's part of it.

01:50:59.000 That's part of the issue, right?

01:51:00.000 So you're slowing the spread of this.

01:51:02.000 But it's too dangerous to give people that option.

01:51:04.000 Of course.

01:51:05.000 But eventually you're going to have to start opening the economy.

01:51:07.000 People carefully going out with masks and things like that.

01:51:10.000 I think for sure.

01:51:11.000 But I think here's something- Is takeout safe?

01:51:13.000 They've told us that's safe.

01:51:14.000 I order that.

01:51:15.000 I think it's safe.

01:51:16.000 How could it be if there's things on surfaces?

01:51:18.000 That's what I mean.

01:51:18.000 Somebody sneezes on your egg roll.

01:51:20.000 But here's the deal.

01:51:21.000 On that Diamond Princess cruise ship, only 17% of people got it.

01:51:25.000 And those people are living together very close quarters like a Petri dish.

01:51:28.000 Yep, and they're all breathing recirculated air.

01:51:31.000 Yeah, but only 17% of people got it.

01:51:33.000 Crazy.

01:51:33.000 How's that possible?

01:51:34.000 Because I don't think it's as transmissible as we think.

01:51:36.000 Bro, imagine being stuck on one of those cruise ships with people coughing in the distance.

01:51:42.000 Yeah, it's horrible.

01:51:42.000 It's horrible without a pandemic.

01:51:44.000 Yeah.

01:51:44.000 But I don't think...

01:51:46.000 But imagine right now, because I'm high, so let me think.

01:51:48.000 If I'm in a boat right now, right?

01:51:50.000 So I'm in this metal thing, which is in the middle of the dark ocean.

01:51:56.000 Yeah.

01:51:56.000 Especially at nighttime.

01:51:58.000 Yeah.

01:51:58.000 Right?

01:51:59.000 So you're in this thing floating around, literally in the center of the goddamn ocean. 0.94

01:52:03.000 For some strange reason, you've agreed to be on this metal thing that floats. 0.95

01:52:11.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:52:11.000 Which doesn't make any sense.

01:52:12.000 First of all, metal floating makes zero sense.

01:52:16.000 A giant metal thing floating. 1.00

01:52:18.000 Look at all those fucking people! 1.00

01:52:19.000 And you're there with the worst people in the world. 1.00

01:52:21.000 And if you fall off the side, you're dead! 0.70

01:52:23.000 Some people try to kill themselves.

01:52:25.000 You know what's really?

01:52:26.000 This is true.

01:52:27.000 Some guy tried to kill himself on the boat.

01:52:28.000 This is how sad this was.

01:52:30.000 They saw him.

01:52:31.000 And they caught him.

01:52:32.000 They caught him and they brought him back on the boat.

01:52:34.000 So literally at the buffet the next day, everybody's like, that's the guy that tried to kill himself.

01:52:37.000 How horrible is that?!

01:52:41.000 You're back!

01:52:42.000 You're back!

01:52:44.000 Imagine being at a breakfast buffet after the last, you know?

01:52:48.000 Sorry, guys.

01:52:48.000 I was having a rough night.

01:52:49.000 One guy killed his wife on a cruise because I went on the Impractical Jokers cruise.

01:52:52.000 I went on one cruise and it was just to perform, right?

01:52:54.000 Me and a bunch of other comics went.

01:52:56.000 And we were talking to some of the cruise people and they said one guy pushed his wife off the side.

01:53:01.000 Yeah.

01:53:02.000 And then he didn't care.

01:53:03.000 He went to, like, 80s night.

01:53:04.000 He was dancing.

01:53:05.000 He just pushed his wife right off the side. 1.00

01:53:07.000 Jesus Christ. 0.98

01:53:07.000 Dude, cruise people are sick. 0.98

01:53:09.000 They're sick people. 0.99

01:53:10.000 Some people are sick. 1.00

01:53:12.000 Like, some people could do that. 0.90

01:53:14.000 Now, here's the thing.

01:53:14.000 We're thinking about it like it's the ocean.

01:53:17.000 I want you to think about it like it's space.

01:53:19.000 Okay.

01:53:20.000 Imagine if...

01:53:21.000 If there was this ship that was going through space, but space was just like, it was almost like there was air around you where you could kick someone off the side and they would just fall to forever.

01:53:30.000 Right, right.

01:53:31.000 You're doing the same thing.

01:53:33.000 Yeah.

01:53:34.000 Would you be terrified?

01:53:36.000 Oh my God!

01:53:37.000 Yeah, and if you heard someone cough, would you have heard someone cough?

01:53:40.000 Oh my God, what would you do?

01:53:41.000 What would you do if you were on a spaceship and you heard someone coughing?

01:53:46.000 It would take two weeks before you get back to the planet.

01:53:51.000 I think you've got to stay in your little cube.

01:53:53.000 You've got to stay in your little room.

01:53:54.000 Everyone on the Grand Princess was sequestered in their room.

01:53:57.000 Honestly, how is that different?

01:53:59.000 You being on a spaceship in the middle of the sky and you hear someone coughing and you're like, we gotta get out of here.

01:54:06.000 There's a sick person on a spaceship.

01:54:07.000 It's not that different.

01:54:08.000 How much different is it?

01:54:09.000 It's not that different.

01:54:10.000 I would say this. 0.97

01:54:11.000 I would say less pig trash people could afford to go to space. 1.00

01:54:16.000 For now. 0.98

01:54:17.000 For now. 0.97

01:54:17.000 Back in the fucking Titanic days, it was a crazy thing to be able to get in a boat and make your way across the country. 0.97

01:54:24.000 Yeah, it's true. 0.99

01:54:25.000 Now you're a peasant. 0.99

01:54:26.000 That scares me just space cruises, which is disgusting.

01:54:32.000 But the people, my point is, it's not like the uber wealthy people that are getting on these cruise ships.

01:54:37.000 No, it's animals.

01:54:39.000 It's savage people.

01:54:40.000 It's animals. 1.00

01:54:40.000 They're fat pig. 1.00

01:54:41.000 I could have been a personal trainer on the boat. 0.99

01:54:43.000 I mean, people were looking at me like, how do you do it?

01:54:47.000 They're going to party.

01:54:48.000 They're going to have a good time. 0.83

01:54:49.000 They're grotesque.

01:54:49.000 You know what's the funniest thing?

01:54:50.000 On that boat, there was a little library and I walked in.

01:54:52.000 I'm like, has anyone checked out a book?

01:54:53.000 And the guy goes, no.

01:54:55.000 I'm like, has anyone ever checked out a book?

01:54:58.000 They have a library on the cruise ship!

01:54:59.000 And it's not even good books, it's trashy romance novels, but none of these people can read.

01:55:04.000 What is the drug policy on one of those cruise ships?

01:55:06.000 Can you bring weed on board?

01:55:07.000 I think you can bring whatever you want.

01:55:09.000 I mean, it depends, right?

01:55:10.000 It depends if you dock at a...

01:55:11.000 Yeah, but in international waters, what are the deals with weed?

01:55:15.000 I don't know if they search your bags.

01:55:16.000 I mean, people were bringing food on board.

01:55:18.000 That was disturbing.

01:55:19.000 That's another thing, right?

01:55:20.000 Like, you're not in America.

01:55:22.000 No, you're in international waters and then you dock outside of this fake little town in Mexico where they literally bought the beachfront and it's a third world country and they drive you past roosters and shoeless guys running around.

01:55:34.000 Jamie, what are you showing me?

01:55:35.000 Doug Stanhope?

01:55:37.000 Oh, that's right.

01:55:39.000 He got on the cruise and he taped booze to his body, right?

01:55:43.000 Like drugs?

01:55:44.000 Yeah.

01:55:45.000 So what does he got?

01:55:46.000 Bladders of like gin.

01:55:48.000 Bladders.

01:55:49.000 Bladders and bottles of booze.

01:55:52.000 So he bought like those hiking bladders that you put in your backpack where you drink water out of and he filled them with booze.

01:55:59.000 But he's on a cruise ship where they have all this booze.

01:56:01.000 Yeah, but he wants the real deal stuff.

01:56:03.000 You know, they're going to water it down.

01:56:04.000 They do?

01:56:05.000 Yeah.

01:56:05.000 They don't give you shots?

01:56:06.000 I think they do some...

01:56:08.000 That's even more outrageous.

01:56:10.000 I think you've got to watch.

01:56:11.000 If they don't let you booze it up...

01:56:12.000 Yeah.

01:56:13.000 Dude, if I'm on a boat, I'm getting drunk.

01:56:14.000 Well, I'm sure there's different kinds of cruises, but the ones we're talking about, like Carnival...

01:56:19.000 I know.

01:56:19.000 If you were on those, wouldn't you want to be hammered?

01:56:22.000 That's why people are like, why are people leaving their houses? 0.97

01:56:25.000 There are people that are like, if I can't go on a cruise and get fucked up, I don't want to live. 0.88

01:56:30.000 There are those people right now. 0.98

01:56:31.000 They're like, if I can't go to Applebee's, I don't want to live.

01:56:33.000 Yeah, there's people that are not having a great time in America.

01:56:36.000 How many people are like weekend cruise people?

01:56:38.000 Like every weekend they go on a cruise somewhere?

01:56:39.000 I was on, I'm telling you, I did a practical joke.

01:56:41.000 There was an old lady and she goes, you know, don't take Carnival. 0.99

01:56:44.000 It's very bad.

01:56:45.000 We've taken it twice.

01:56:45.000 It was horrible times.

01:56:48.000 Norwegian's good.

01:56:49.000 Yeah, they just, they just, they're cruise people.

01:56:51.000 I mean, just the lowest caliber of human being to have ever drawn a breath.

01:56:57.000 How much is, how much is the cruise cost?

01:57:00.000 Like if you want to- Dude, it's like no money!

01:57:09.000 It's for people that just got out of prison!

01:57:12.000 Let's say if you're going to leave Mexico, where would you go?

01:57:15.000 Like South America?

01:57:17.000 No, you don't leave Mexico.

01:57:18.000 You just go out in the ocean and then you just come back to some fake town.

01:57:23.000 We went to Costa Maya.

01:57:25.000 Look up Costa Maya, Mexico.

01:57:26.000 Costa Maya, Mexico is a place that's owned.

01:57:28.000 The cruise ships just own this little beachfront.

01:57:31.000 Okay, so it's like a trip.

01:57:33.000 Like, you float around the water, then you come back.

01:57:34.000 And you come back, and then they just have these little stands on the beach.

01:57:38.000 Wait a minute, this is crazy.

01:57:40.000 Cruises to Mexico from $109 a person?

01:57:43.000 What did you think it was?

01:57:44.000 For how many days?

01:57:46.000 Like, seven days.

01:57:47.000 No.

01:57:47.000 Yeah, dude.

01:57:48.000 Is that real?

01:57:49.000 Of course.

01:57:49.000 Oh my god, look at the big warning, though.

01:57:51.000 The COVID warning.

01:57:52.000 Blow that up.

01:57:52.000 What does it say, Jamie?

01:57:53.000 They're like, you'll die if you do this.

01:57:55.000 People don't care.

01:57:55.000 Oh, please be aware of any coronavirus, COVID-19 travel advisories and view updates from the World Health Organization.

01:58:06.000 Due to unprecedented volume of travel disruptions, refunds may take up to 30 days to process.

01:58:13.000 Which by that point you'll be dead.

01:58:15.000 So are they allowed to take cruises right now?

01:58:17.000 Yeah, they just lie about your symptoms.

01:58:20.000 This is the next one they have available.

01:58:22.000 It seems like August 30th is the first one they have available.

01:58:25.000 So they're banking on August 30th.

01:58:27.000 Dude, that boat's already full.

01:58:29.000 People are going on that boat.

01:58:31.000 Dude, August 30th is going to be a party. 0.99

01:58:34.000 They don't give a shit. 0.99

01:58:35.000 They're going to get on in hospital gowns right from the ER. They don't care. 1.00

01:58:39.000 You know what they're going to do?

01:58:39.000 They're going to do all the people that have survived.

01:58:41.000 Yes!

01:58:42.000 It's going to be Survivor Party.

01:58:44.000 We beat it.

01:58:45.000 They also would have the antibodies.

01:58:46.000 Of course.

01:58:47.000 They're all going to have the bracelets.

01:58:48.000 They'll be in hospital gowns on the beach.

01:58:51.000 But you know there's going to be one dude who lies about it?

01:58:54.000 Everybody's gonna lie. 1.00

01:58:54.000 He's gonna come back because there's a girl, she's hot, he wants to fuck her, so he told her, yeah, I've got it, don't worry. 1.00

01:59:00.000 And she's not hot, but she's a girl. 1.00

01:59:01.000 She's hot enough. 1.00

01:59:02.000 She's hot enough for him to cause genocide. 1.00

01:59:04.000 So he's gonna come back with this virus, he's gonna kill us all. 1.00

01:59:08.000 He's gonna destroy everybody. 1.00

01:59:10.000 He's gonna kill us all because he wanted to fuck this chick and he's gonna lie about having it. 1.00

01:59:13.000 A new advanced form that it doesn't do anything to people that have already had it, but as soon as it gets into a new person, it kills them. 1.00

01:59:20.000 It makes so much sense that the virus that'll get rid of us as a planet come from a cruise, the most disgusting, unnecessary...

01:59:28.000 Dude, this has nothing to do with the water.

01:59:30.000 It has nothing to do with the water.

01:59:34.000 Nobody swims.

01:59:35.000 Nobody gets to the island and swims.

01:59:36.000 It's kind of a dump. 0.99

01:59:37.000 People just go on and buy shitty jewelry. 0.99

01:59:39.000 They buy fake jewelry. 1.00

01:59:40.000 Dude, there's a TV in your room on a cruise, and when you turn it on, it's just commercials for shit you can buy when you dock at the island. 0.98

01:59:47.000 It'll be a guy who's like, I've been in the cruise and jewelry industry for 20 years. 0.95

01:59:51.000 It's like, that's not an industry.

01:59:52.000 Dude, a cruise is $100.

01:59:54.000 Yeah, it's $100.

01:59:55.000 And they buy garbage jewels because it's tax-free.

01:59:58.000 How long is that cruise, Jamie?

01:59:59.000 That was the three to five days section.

02:00:01.000 That is insane!

02:00:03.000 Five days for $100.

02:00:05.000 You can't even live for $100 five days just for food.

02:00:09.000 All you can eat.

02:00:10.000 All you can eat.

02:00:10.000 Yes, and probably all you can drink.

02:00:12.000 Everything's free except for alcohol.

02:00:13.000 That might be the craziest thing we've ever read on this show.

02:00:18.000 That's why people are like, oh, cruises are going out of business.

02:00:19.000 I'm like, I'll tell you, they're not.

02:00:21.000 They're not. 1.00

02:00:23.000 That's a vacation for somebody who's fucked. 1.00

02:00:26.000 So, but wait a minute. 1.00

02:00:27.000 It's not all booze included.

02:00:29.000 No, you gotta pay for booze. 0.95

02:00:30.000 That's where they make their money. 0.97

02:00:31.000 That's why they sneak it on.

02:00:33.000 That's why they sneak it on.

02:00:34.000 Oh, that's how they make their money. 0.98

02:00:35.000 So the 25 bucks a day is just a, come on, we're friends!

02:00:40.000 Yeah.

02:00:42.000 Four days!

02:00:43.000 25 bucks a day!

02:00:44.000 100 bucks!

02:00:45.000 That's just unlimited fried food to throw down your throat.

02:00:48.000 Three to five days for $100.

02:00:51.000 109. Imagine five days of food for $109.

02:00:55.000 They probably encourage you to get off the wagon.

02:00:56.000 Like, what are you doing?

02:00:57.000 You're drinking water?

02:00:57.000 Yeah, well, I'm clean and sober for 15 years now.

02:00:59.000 Oh, they don't tolerate that. 1.00

02:01:00.000 What the fuck are you doing on this boat, man? 0.99

02:01:02.000 It's a party. 1.00

02:01:02.000 It's a carnival. 1.00

02:01:03.000 Haven't you heard?

02:01:04.000 Yeah.

02:01:05.000 You don't need to see your kids. 1.00

02:01:06.000 Get fucked up. 1.00

02:01:07.000 Just get fucked up, and we'll give you Ibogaine at the end of the week. 1.00

02:01:10.000 Dude, you know that in a cruise boat, there's a little cruise jail? 1.00

02:01:12.000 Swear to God.

02:01:13.000 They have a cruise jail?

02:01:13.000 They have a cruise jail.

02:01:15.000 If you do something, sometimes you've got to go to the cruise jail until they can dock and have the authorities come get you.

02:01:20.000 So if you murder your wife?

02:01:21.000 You do something like that, you go to the cruise jail.

02:01:23.000 The guy who threw his wife overboard, did they throw him in the cruise jail?

02:01:25.000 He went to cruise jail.

02:01:28.000 Look, there's a water slide.

02:01:30.000 Look at these people.

02:01:31.000 Hi.

02:01:31.000 See, this is in the 80s, I guess, when it made sense.

02:01:34.000 When did they start these things?

02:01:35.000 Dude, there's comics that perform on them.

02:01:37.000 Oh, yeah.

02:01:38.000 Yeah. 0.97

02:01:38.000 They live in hell. 0.97

02:01:39.000 Yeah.

02:01:39.000 There's, um...

02:01:43.000 There's something about it.

02:01:45.000 It's just, it's so strange.

02:01:46.000 And when I was in Italy, three-day cruises for $325.

02:01:50.000 That was when it first started.

02:01:52.000 Yeah, 85. That was 1985. It's cheaper now.

02:01:54.000 It's probably like air travel.

02:01:55.000 When I was in Venice, there were the people that, there are locals there, first of all.

02:02:00.000 I mean, I'm an intruder.

02:02:01.000 We're all intruders.

02:02:02.000 There's too many.

02:02:03.000 Too many tourists.

02:02:04.000 But they relied on it, too.

02:02:06.000 So it's real strange.

02:02:07.000 That's their economy.

02:02:08.000 But it's also, it used to be more quaint.

02:02:10.000 And then what happened is, whenever a cruise ship would pull up, you would get, what, 2,000, 3,000 people would come pouring out at once.

02:02:18.000 And so when we were there, two cruise ships docked.

02:02:21.000 And it was crazy.

02:02:23.000 And then Venice is this beautiful city.

02:02:25.000 And then you have this grotesque cruise ship with, like, paintings of dolphins on the side. 0.99

02:02:30.000 It's so white trash, like... 1.00

02:02:33.000 America just showing up. 0.99

02:02:35.000 And then they would fill these riverboats, and they would get into the canal area, and they would be filled with people.

02:02:41.000 Yeah.

02:02:41.000 And they would drive around, staring and pointing at things, and you'd be like, wow, this is nuts.

02:02:45.000 Well, now that they're not around, you have, like, things are coming back into the Venice Canal, like dolphins.

02:02:49.000 I know. 0.99

02:02:50.000 But I know all these idiots are like, oh, isn't that nice? 1.00

02:02:52.000 It's like, it's nice, but the world economy's collapsed. 1.00

02:02:54.000 It's not a good trade-off.

02:02:57.000 The people got addicted to people coming in.

02:03:00.000 The tourists.

02:03:00.000 But if they only had a limited number.

02:03:02.000 It should be like a house party.

02:03:04.000 After 100 people, you can't cut it off.

02:03:07.000 You can't have cruise ships.

02:03:08.000 They kept hitting the docks, too.

02:03:10.000 They hit the docks twice.

02:03:12.000 But you're going to need them.

02:03:12.000 They're coming back hard.

02:03:14.000 Cruises are coming back so big after this.

02:03:17.000 I'm telling you.

02:03:18.000 You think so? 1.00

02:03:19.000 We're a sick country. 0.99

02:03:22.000 All over the world, people are wild. 0.95

02:03:24.000 People are going to want to...

02:03:25.000 There are people that love cruises.

02:03:27.000 They think they've discovered a gold mine.

02:03:29.000 People will tell you, I took a cruise for $160.

02:03:33.000 It's so embarrassing that they say that, and you're like, you're an animal.

02:03:38.000 Well, if you're a non-drinker, though, it must be amazing.

02:03:40.000 But here's the thing.

02:03:40.000 It's so fun.

02:03:41.000 There's a certain group of people in the world who've accepted they're animals, and then it's just fun.

02:03:46.000 How many people are on a cruise every day because it's cheaper than being homeless?

02:03:51.000 Great point.

02:03:52.000 If you go to a cruise every day, if you're on a cruise every day, you're really only spending like $1.50 a week.

02:03:59.000 That's Carnival's cure.

02:04:00.000 You spend $150 a week, you get a room, and you get all the food you can eat.

02:04:03.000 That is a crazy deal.

02:04:05.000 Can you imagine?

02:04:06.000 It's a cure for homelessness.

02:04:07.000 And they have booze there. 0.78

02:04:08.000 Do they have booze 24 hours a day, or do they have a cutoff time? 0.97

02:04:11.000 No.

02:04:12.000 So it's like Vegas.

02:04:12.000 Yeah!

02:04:13.000 Yeah!

02:04:13.000 Of course.

02:04:14.000 Do what you want.

02:04:15.000 Imagine that.

02:04:15.000 The freedom of being on this boat, this metal thing floating around the ocean.

02:04:19.000 That's where you live.

02:04:20.000 Where do you live?

02:04:21.000 I live on the Carnival Cruise Line.

02:04:22.000 There are people that do that, Joe, that literally live on a boat all year round.

02:04:25.000 Why not?

02:04:25.000 You should be on a cruise every day of the year.

02:04:28.000 Well, why not is because you're a person.

02:04:29.000 That's the why not, is because you're a person.

02:04:32.000 But if you're not, there are people that, dude, the level of big on those boats, those are big boys and girls.

02:04:37.000 Like Disneyland.

02:04:38.000 Four, five hungies.

02:04:40.000 Yeah, when you see people on scooters, they have scooters.

02:04:41.000 I saw a scooter and they were going on the boat.

02:04:44.000 On the boat?

02:04:44.000 They were going up the ramp on the boat.

02:04:46.000 There's something fucked up about being on a vehicle and then somebody on another vehicle. 0.99

02:04:49.000 Pfft! 0.99

02:04:49.000 World's longest cruise set sail from London. 0.99

02:04:52.000 Oh, Christ.

02:04:52.000 They left in September on a 245-day cruise.

02:04:55.000 Do you think that they're still out there?

02:04:56.000 They had to come back.

02:04:57.000 Oh, they're still out there.

02:04:58.000 They would be safe. 0.74

02:04:59.000 They're all dead. 0.81

02:05:00.000 Oh, my God.

02:05:01.000 It's a Viking ship.

02:05:02.000 The ship is just coughing at this point.

02:05:04.000 Look at the size of it.

02:05:05.000 Look at that.

02:05:05.000 Go back.

02:05:06.000 Is that a video?

02:05:07.000 It's a picture.

02:05:07.000 Yeah, a video.

02:05:08.000 Go back to the size of it when they pull up.

02:05:10.000 Would they have Viking, Carnival... 0.99

02:05:13.000 Is this a Viking?

02:05:14.000 Yeah, look how big.

02:05:15.000 But it looks like the name Viking is perfect for something like that.

02:05:18.000 The Oasis of the Seas is the...

02:05:20.000 Yeah, Viking is perfect. 1.00

02:05:21.000 If that was filled with Vikings and it came pulling into your shore, you'd be like, oh, fuck. 1.00

02:05:25.000 Yeah, but this is not Vikings eating herring and, you know, this is people who are just... 0.99

02:05:29.000 There are more chefs...

02:05:30.000 Yeah, Viking Sun, that's what it is.

02:05:31.000 There are more chefs on that boat than doctors in the places they're going.

02:05:35.000 Like, they're pulling up to an island with, like, two doctors and they've got 65 people cooking.

02:05:40.000 So is this thing still out there?

02:05:42.000 That's what I was asking.

02:05:42.000 I mean, I just was Googling, like, how long was the longest trip.

02:05:45.000 A lot of them, they're not letting them dock.

02:05:48.000 This was $92,000 per person.

02:05:50.000 This was a lot of money.

02:05:51.000 That's a big one.

02:05:52.000 $92,990 per person, which includes business class, airfare, meals, and a free excursion in each port of call.

02:06:00.000 So these people just decided to live on this thing.

02:06:03.000 For a year.

02:06:03.000 For almost a year.

02:06:04.000 And see the world.

02:06:05.000 How many days, Jamie?

02:06:07.000 $245.

02:06:07.000 Oh, ships free of kids in casinos.

02:06:09.000 Interesting.

02:06:10.000 Wow, that's interesting.

02:06:12.000 See, these are the higher-end ones, even though they're gross, too.

02:06:14.000 Yeah, no kid or casino, is that what it said?

02:06:16.000 Yeah, a lot of cruises, a lot of it's gambling.

02:06:19.000 It's a lot of people that want to gamble.

02:06:20.000 But this is a fairly small thing, right?

02:06:23.000 It's like 900 people?

02:06:25.000 It's interesting, too.

02:06:26.000 They have a world-class lecture.

02:06:27.000 They have TED Talks going on on there.

02:06:29.000 That's interesting.

02:06:31.000 Maybe they knew something was coming.

02:06:32.000 Let me tell you, right.

02:06:33.000 If Bill Gates is on the boat, don't worry.

02:06:36.000 We're getting everybody.

02:06:37.000 Nobody needs HPV. Bill's got you covered, tribal folk. 1.00

02:06:41.000 Dude, there were no TED Talks on the boat I was on.

02:06:43.000 But imagine, that's a great idea.

02:06:45.000 Like, if you were an older person, like a couple, and you're like, you know, your kids leave the house.

02:06:50.000 Just do a year.

02:06:50.000 Let's hang out together.

02:06:52.000 Let's do a year on a boat together.

02:06:53.000 Let's do a year, but dude...

02:06:54.000 Screaming while they're drunk, right? 0.98

02:06:55.000 Around the third or fourth week, you go, what the fuck are we doing? 0.99

02:06:58.000 What the fuck are we doing? 0.99

02:06:59.000 What are we doing? 0.99

02:07:00.000 What are we doing?

02:07:00.000 Dude, there's something weird looking out and just seeing water.

02:07:03.000 Yes.

02:07:03.000 There's something weird.

02:07:04.000 Forever.

02:07:04.000 And going, is there a doctor on this?

02:07:08.000 And if something happens, what kind of doctor works on Carnival Cruise Slot?

02:07:14.000 What kind of...

02:07:15.000 You know what I mean?

02:07:17.000 It's not the best doctor.

02:07:21.000 Allegedly.

02:07:22.000 Yeah.

02:07:22.000 He might be amazing.

02:07:23.000 He might be a guy that's his calling.

02:07:25.000 Can you imagine being sick and being in the Carnival Cruise doctor's office?

02:07:29.000 You'd be like, just throw me overboard.

02:07:30.000 You'd probably experiment on people.

02:07:32.000 Oh, God. 1.00

02:07:33.000 That's where Gates is fucking using the vaccines. 1.00

02:07:35.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:07:36.000 He's putting them in fat people on Carnival Cruise Line.

02:07:39.000 They can't find a vein.

02:07:41.000 They can experiment with people in exchange for a free fare.

02:07:44.000 Yeah.

02:07:44.000 I mean, it was one of the weirdest things I've ever done.

02:07:46.000 I did it three nights.

02:07:47.000 I performed.

02:07:48.000 Those are great.

02:07:48.000 Salvo Khan is a great dude.

02:07:49.000 He invited us all.

02:07:50.000 He also does stand-up.

02:07:52.000 He's one of the jokers.

02:07:54.000 But I mean, it's a wild party over there.

02:07:56.000 And after three days, you're like, get me off.

02:07:58.000 Get me back.

02:07:59.000 And we left out of New Orleans, which is cool.

02:08:02.000 Did you do it with Kreischer and Ari?

02:08:04.000 Yes.

02:08:05.000 Yes. 0.99

02:08:05.000 How fucked up does Burke get on a boat? 0.99

02:08:07.000 You know, I'm trying to remember. 1.00

02:08:09.000 I don't remember him being more fucked up or less fucked up than usual. 0.99

02:08:12.000 I think he was just... 0.99

02:08:14.000 I don't know.

02:08:15.000 He was drinking.

02:08:16.000 I think it was right after Sober October.

02:08:18.000 Yes.

02:08:19.000 That's what I'm saying.

02:08:19.000 Right after Sober October.

02:08:20.000 He was having fun.

02:08:21.000 Yeah.

02:08:22.000 He was enjoying himself.

02:08:23.000 But he's never like too...

02:08:25.000 He goes hard in the paint.

02:08:26.000 Yeah.

02:08:27.000 I mean, he always handles himself well, though.

02:08:29.000 What's amazing about Bert is how good a shape he's in.

02:08:31.000 Oh, yeah.

02:08:32.000 For the amount of booze that he does.

02:08:33.000 He runs a lot.

02:08:34.000 Yeah, but I was telling him.

02:08:35.000 I was like, dude, your body is so robust.

02:08:37.000 He's tough, yeah.

02:08:38.000 Like, if you didn't drink at all, you would probably be a savage.

02:08:42.000 Yeah, well, he was very in shape young.

02:08:43.000 Well, he was in shape, for sure.

02:08:45.000 But I'm saying the kind of work he's making his body go through every day.

02:08:51.000 Every day he's making his liver process all that hooch.

02:08:55.000 It's tough.

02:08:56.000 But you also said earlier that he shouldn't speak publicly if not drunk.

02:09:00.000 No, he should drink.

02:09:01.000 He should drink every time he says something.

02:09:04.000 He's better that way.

02:09:05.000 I guess it's out there somewhere, that ship.

02:09:07.000 Eight Canadians allowed to disembark from Viking Sun cruise ship in Gibraltar for repatriation.

02:09:13.000 What the hell happens to the rest of them?

02:09:15.000 For repatriation?

02:09:17.000 Imagine you're going to live in Gibraltar. 0.99

02:09:19.000 Jesus.

02:09:20.000 Well, what is it?

02:09:21.000 Quarantine?

02:09:21.000 Yeah, I don't know.

02:09:23.000 But I mean, this sounds hilarious.

02:09:25.000 It just sounds like something from a Game of Thrones book.

02:09:28.000 Yeah, repatriation.

02:09:30.000 This has been announced by the government, which says that this follows a request from the Canadian High Commissioner in London for Gibraltar's help in repatriating the seven passengers and one crewman.

02:09:44.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:09:45.000 I don't even know what the fuck. 0.98

02:09:47.000 Number six says the disembarkation took place in the bay, not alongside the cruise terminal. 0.98

02:09:53.000 So they went to a smaller boat in the bay, and then were probably brought to the...

02:09:57.000 Yeah, it says that there's no cases of COVID-19 on board the Viking Sun, which had submitted a clear maritime declaration, is therefore clear to enter the port.

02:10:07.000 That would be what would happen.

02:10:09.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:10:09.000 There would be a virus that runs through us like fire through bushes, and they would repopulate the earth with these TED Talk people on this fucking cruise line for 245 days. 0.99

02:10:19.000 That might be what it is. 0.99

02:10:20.000 Well, that's how you usher in the movie Idiocracy, if the only people that survived are cruise pigs. 0.98

02:10:27.000 These are the TED Talk cruise pigs. 0.95

02:10:29.000 They're a different breed. 1.00

02:10:30.000 Okay, you're right about that.

02:10:31.000 And they're also spending $93,000 to do this thing for 245 days.

02:10:36.000 But they're all probably older.

02:10:36.000 They're probably older.

02:10:36.000 There's probably only a few young people that are doing that.

02:10:38.000 Oh, right.

02:10:39.000 There's no eggs.

02:10:39.000 Yeah, there's no eggs on that boat.

02:10:41.000 No eggs.

02:10:41.000 Dude, it's the crew.

02:10:42.000 It's got to be the crew.

02:10:43.000 The crew fucks their way out of this.

02:10:44.000 And those are weird, too. 1.00

02:10:46.000 The crew fucks. 1.00

02:10:47.000 The crew's all people that work at the fucking diner sanctuary. 1.00

02:10:49.000 People that work on cruises are weird, too, man. 0.99

02:10:52.000 Yeah.

02:10:53.000 They're very strange.

02:10:54.000 Yeah.

02:10:54.000 Like, it's odd.

02:10:57.000 Yeah, they have to be.

02:10:58.000 Those are guys that partied, and they're just like, what if this was every night forever?

02:11:02.000 I ran into a comic at the port.

02:11:04.000 I was with the missus on vacation, and I ran into a comic at a port in Mexico, and he had just gotten off this boat, and the dude looked like someone stole some of his essence.

02:11:17.000 They looked like someone had taken 10-15% of what makes him a person.

02:11:23.000 And he'd been working on the boat.

02:11:25.000 It wasn't like running into someone at Hilarity's in Cleveland.

02:11:28.000 Like, what's up?

02:11:29.000 How's the show?

02:11:30.000 Oh, it's great. 0.99

02:11:32.000 Our fucking shows are awesome. 0.99

02:11:33.000 This was not that. 0.99

02:11:34.000 It was not that happy feeling.

02:11:37.000 It's rough.

02:11:38.000 And it's realizing this is what I'm doing for a living now.

02:11:41.000 This is a tough one.

02:11:42.000 I'm on a boat.

02:11:43.000 I'm entertaining the worst people in the world in the middle of the ocean.

02:11:46.000 Yeah.

02:11:47.000 Do you know who loves those things, though?

02:11:48.000 Who?

02:11:48.000 Again, shout out to Alonzo Bowden.

02:11:50.000 Alonzo Bowden goes on jazz cruises.

02:11:52.000 God, well, those may be different.

02:11:53.000 That might be different.

02:11:54.000 People that like jazz, I mean, that's a little different.

02:11:56.000 They're just people that go, I want to spend $35 to go on a vacation with my family because I can eat on a floating thing.

02:12:03.000 Yeah, that's different.

02:12:04.000 I mean, they don't even go and do anything cool.

02:12:07.000 Yeah, you'd have to have a cruise, and the cruise would have to be populated by... 0.99

02:12:13.000 It would have to be people that are into shit you're into. 1.00

02:12:15.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:12:15.000 Absolutely. 1.00

02:12:16.000 And there's a lot of those.

02:12:19.000 There's all kinds of cruises.

02:12:20.000 I mean, dude, there's like sick cruises.

02:12:22.000 There's a Walking Dead cruise where people dress up like zombies.

02:12:27.000 I mean, yeah.

02:12:29.000 Stuff like that's crazy.

02:12:30.000 What if we did a working comedian cruise?

02:12:34.000 You should do a JRE cruise.

02:12:35.000 Well, only people that are actual comedians and their significant others.

02:12:41.000 Interesting.

02:12:42.000 Interesting.

02:12:42.000 We'd hate each other.

02:12:44.000 But five days and this floaty thing in the middle of the ocean?

02:12:48.000 Yeah.

02:12:49.000 Someone would yell at Bert.

02:12:50.000 We'd have to have a sit down.

02:12:52.000 Yeah.

02:12:53.000 Someone would be really mad at Bert.

02:12:54.000 If you're not on time, you get left.

02:12:55.000 So how many people are going to get left at the first port?

02:12:57.000 Oh, yeah.

02:12:57.000 Bobby Lee's never making it on board.

02:12:59.000 Yeah, a lot of people would not get on.

02:13:00.000 Tony Hawk's barely going to make it on.

02:13:02.000 Yeah, it would be bad.

02:13:04.000 It would be bad.

02:13:05.000 Comics are all irresponsible. 0.61

02:13:06.000 Very much.

02:13:07.000 The funny ones in particular are always super irresponsible.

02:13:10.000 Yeah.

02:13:11.000 Most of them are.

02:13:12.000 Yeah, most of them are a mess.

02:13:14.000 Wow.

02:13:15.000 Yeah, they wouldn't make it on board.

02:13:16.000 But imagine if the only people that survived were the people on that cruise.

02:13:21.000 That's a Stephen King type of novel.

02:13:24.000 Yeah, it is.

02:13:24.000 Just the people aboard this cruise ship now have to...

02:13:27.000 But think of how cool that is to be on a cruise ship and sail back to an America where everybody's dead. 0.95

02:13:31.000 That would be great.

02:13:32.000 They left London though, right?

02:13:33.000 That's where it leaves?

02:13:34.000 It left London, 245 days?

02:13:36.000 Yeah, last week it said they had arrived in Bali.

02:13:38.000 I was trying to track information about it.

02:13:40.000 Imagine you're in the middle of this thing that you've been planning for a whole year.

02:13:44.000 I can't believe we're going to do it.

02:13:45.000 Oh my god, we're really going to do it.

02:13:47.000 We're going to do 245 days.

02:13:48.000 Why not?

02:13:48.000 The kids are out of the house.

02:13:49.000 I love being around here.

02:13:51.000 We'll have a great time together.

02:13:52.000 Yeah, it's going to be fun.

02:13:53.000 And you're in the middle of the ocean.

02:13:55.000 You find out the world's on fire.

02:13:56.000 How about those guys on that show, Big Brother, who were being kept in isolation, that reality show in Germany?

02:14:01.000 They had no idea.

02:14:02.000 And somebody had to stop them and go, hey, by the way, just to let you guys know, there's a worldwide pandemic ravaging the plague.

02:14:10.000 Like, that's a crazy...

02:14:11.000 My friend Adam Greentree, the dude who shot that water buffalo that's above the head up there.

02:14:16.000 It's my bow hunting friend from Australia. 0.99

02:14:18.000 He was actually in the bush when the shit hit the fan. 0.98

02:14:21.000 And he got back to his car and someone had written in the dirt on the window, call home ASAP. Something like that. 0.98

02:14:29.000 See, is it on his Instagram?

02:14:31.000 Yeah, he actually took a photo of it and put it on his Instagram.

02:14:33.000 So he had no idea.

02:14:34.000 It's like that thing right after 9-11, there was dust on a car window.

02:14:37.000 Somebody wrote, this is war.

02:14:38.000 Get home ASAP. Wow.

02:14:40.000 That's scary as fuck. 0.99

02:14:42.000 But he goes off the grid. 0.99

02:14:44.000 He's a bow hunter. 0.99

02:14:45.000 And he goes to these really remote locations and he just brings a backpack and a small tent with him and water purification and arrows and he fucking goes. 0.99

02:14:56.000 He goes. 0.94

02:14:56.000 And he'll go for like six, seven days like that. 0.94

02:14:59.000 And so that's one of the things.

02:15:00.000 He was completely, you know, so he left before there was even talk of this.

02:15:05.000 So he's got that.

02:15:06.000 That's his back.

02:15:07.000 And that's it.

02:15:08.000 That little backpack.

02:15:09.000 This is a very satisfying feeling in having everything you need on your back.

02:15:15.000 First day into some spectacular New Zealand country.

02:15:18.000 Insta story uploaded daily.

02:15:19.000 So he was just going up there and...

02:15:25.000 By himself, with no one with him, no contact with the outside world, but I guess he was still updating his Instagram.

02:15:33.000 Yeah, who's taking that photo?

02:15:35.000 He usually posts when he gets back home, usually, but this time he might have been there.

02:15:38.000 Yeah, he's updating it daily.

02:15:40.000 Yeah.

02:15:41.000 I don't know.

02:15:41.000 But either way, so he comes back and he finds that note on his car.

02:15:46.000 I mean, a lot of what he does, he does and he documents for social media because one time back in the day, it was like two years ago, he was doing this 28-day hunt by himself in Idaho and in Wyoming. 0.97

02:16:04.000 Including encounters that he would stream with a fucking grizzly bear. 0.65

02:16:08.000 So he had a grizzly bear that was chasing after him and he had a faulty pistol on him. 0.99

02:16:11.000 He didn't even know that the pistol didn't work.

02:16:12.000 He had the wrong size ammo in it.

02:16:14.000 And he documented all of it and we started talking about it on the podcast.

02:16:18.000 He developed this, like, really engaged social media following that really gets excited when he goes on these trips.

02:16:26.000 Expeditions, yeah.

02:16:27.000 Because he uploads.

02:16:27.000 So this is it.

02:16:28.000 See, that's him with a gun.

02:16:29.000 And see, if you could see the gun, the bullet is not in the chamber.

02:16:33.000 It's jammed.

02:16:34.000 That's why it's open like that.

02:16:35.000 So that bullet, it wasn't even fired.

02:16:37.000 And that's a grizzly bear in the background.

02:16:39.000 Wow. 0.61

02:16:39.000 Yeah, and she's got a cub with her, and she's thinking about fucking him up, and she bluff charges him a couple times, and he tries to get away from her, he tries to walk away, and she followed him. 0.61

02:16:51.000 Really creepy shit. 0.97

02:16:52.000 What do you do in that instance? 1.00

02:16:53.000 What he did, he stood his ground, and she came charging at him. 1.00

02:16:57.000 He said she got within several feet of him a couple of times before she turned away.

02:17:01.000 So what do you think a bear decides at that point? 1.00

02:17:03.000 They just go, ah, fuck it. 1.00

02:17:04.000 You never know, man. 1.00

02:17:05.000 It's either going to decide it's going to kill you or it's going to try to scare you.

02:17:09.000 If it decides to kill you, it's over. 0.67

02:17:10.000 It's over. 0.93

02:17:11.000 It's over.

02:17:12.000 There's nothing you can do.

02:17:13.000 Especially if you have a gun that doesn't work.

02:17:15.000 Well, that's the thing.

02:17:16.000 You don't have to have a gun. 0.89

02:17:17.000 They would tear you apart like you would tear apart a little baby chick. 0.99

02:17:21.000 Like a little baby chicken.

02:17:22.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:17:23.000 That's how a bear would tear you apart.

02:17:25.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:17:25.000 They're so big and they kill moose.

02:17:28.000 They kill deer and elk with their face.

02:17:31.000 They just grab ahold of them and rip them apart.

02:17:33.000 They're so strong, man. 0.98

02:17:35.000 It fucks you off because they're cute looking. 0.95

02:17:37.000 They look like cuddly, but they're not. 0.99

02:17:39.000 They're like a 900 pound Rottweiler.

02:17:42.000 Do you ever watch those things where guys hug them and live with them? 1.00

02:17:45.000 Assholes. 1.00

02:17:45.000 Yeah, it's weird. 1.00

02:17:46.000 Assholes. 1.00

02:17:47.000 Very strange. 1.00

02:17:47.000 You crazy fucks. 1.00

02:17:49.000 Whitney Cummings was explaining to me how all these tigers are tortured. 1.00

02:17:52.000 I didn't really know.

02:17:52.000 I didn't know about all that.

02:17:54.000 I didn't know that they were drugged and stuff.

02:17:56.000 I thought the tigers kind of liked being showmen. 0.99

02:17:58.000 I don't think that's stupid. 0.97

02:18:00.000 The ones on Tiger King? 0.99

02:18:01.000 Those weren't drugged.

02:18:02.000 I don't think they were drugged.

02:18:04.000 They drugged them when they moved them.

02:18:05.000 Yeah, but some of them look...

02:18:07.000 They're in these confined spaces.

02:18:09.000 It's hell.

02:18:10.000 It's not right.

02:18:11.000 It's not right.

02:18:12.000 They're wild animals.

02:18:13.000 Well, it's not just that.

02:18:14.000 It's also their cats. 0.80

02:18:16.000 And if there's anything that cats like more than anything, it's to kill. 1.00

02:18:19.000 They love killing shit. 1.00

02:18:20.000 I'm not saying that it's great that they kill things. 1.00

02:18:23.000 I'm not glorifying or even joking around about this.

02:18:26.000 I'm just saying think about what a cat is.

02:18:29.000 Just think about a house cat. 1.00

02:18:30.000 House cats are some of the most vicious fucking monsters. 1.00

02:18:33.000 They're horrible. 1.00

02:18:34.000 They walk to face the planet. 0.99

02:18:35.000 All they want to do is kill, and they're not even a little hungry. 0.96

02:18:37.000 They try to kill you. 1.00

02:18:38.000 They swipe at your face, they're trying to kill you. 0.99

02:18:40.000 Yeah, they just know they're outgunned, so they let it go.

02:18:42.000 Right, right.

02:18:42.000 But they're so small, and they kill so much.

02:18:46.000 House cats kill billions of birds and mammals every year.

02:18:49.000 Billions of them.

02:18:50.000 Right. 1.00

02:18:50.000 Just they go outside and fuck these things up. 1.00

02:18:52.000 Yeah, of course. 0.97

02:18:53.000 And come back inside.

02:18:54.000 And now imagine being something like that, but it's your 700 pounds.

02:18:59.000 Yeah, you're massive. 1.00

02:18:59.000 And all you want to do is chase things and kill. 1.00

02:19:01.000 And you never get to chase things.

02:19:02.000 You never get to kill.

02:19:03.000 You just put it in a cage.

02:19:04.000 Yeah, and every now and then they give you a beef leg to eat.

02:19:09.000 Yeah, expired meat from Walmart was what that guy was feeding them.

02:19:11.000 Bro.

02:19:12.000 And he's, you know, they're tearing this stuff apart and eating it, but they never get to kill anything.

02:19:16.000 Yeah.

02:19:16.000 They want to kill things.

02:19:18.000 That's their nature.

02:19:19.000 You're robbing something of its nature.

02:19:21.000 It's like telling us we can't do stand-up, telling somebody you can't do the thing you enjoy.

02:19:24.000 Exactly.

02:19:25.000 Yeah, what you're built to do. 1.00

02:19:26.000 Don't touch your penis. 1.00

02:19:27.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:19:29.000 You're telling them not to do things they want to do.

02:19:32.000 And for a cat, you're never giving them that...

02:19:35.000 There's a reason why cats exist, right?

02:19:38.000 They're big and they're 100% carnivorous.

02:19:40.000 They're very, very, very fast.

02:19:43.000 Well, why would nature create something like that?

02:19:45.000 Why would nature allow something like that?

02:19:46.000 Because there's too many of the other things.

02:19:48.000 How did the cat become domesticated?

02:19:50.000 Like, how did it become... 0.99

02:19:51.000 The version that we have now, just like kind of a fat, lazy, nasty animal. 1.00

02:19:56.000 Good question. 0.99

02:19:57.000 Good question.

02:19:57.000 And when?

02:19:58.000 When did it become?

02:19:58.000 When did that?

02:19:59.000 Because didn't in ancient Egypt they worshipped cats?

02:20:01.000 Worshipped them.

02:20:02.000 Cats are very interesting.

02:20:03.000 But it's also, you know, they probably were amazed that cats would hang out with them. 0.98

02:20:09.000 I bet they were dealing with like servals and shit like that. 1.00

02:20:12.000 Those freaky cats that a lot of people keep as pets. 0.98

02:20:14.000 Yeah, cool cats.

02:20:15.000 The ones that are never really your pet.

02:20:16.000 Yeah.

02:20:17.000 Well, you never own a cat.

02:20:19.000 You never own a cat.

02:20:20.000 Cats never care.

02:20:21.000 Those predatory-looking serval things.

02:20:23.000 Yeah, the bangles and the servals.

02:20:24.000 Yeah, of course.

02:20:25.000 You had a bobcat in your yard.

02:20:26.000 Dude, just walking around.

02:20:28.000 Just walking around.

02:20:29.000 What do you do in that instance?

02:20:30.000 You don't care.

02:20:30.000 Small.

02:20:31.000 Well, my daughter took the photo.

02:20:32.000 I wasn't there.

02:20:33.000 Okay.

02:20:33.000 It wasn't that small.

02:20:34.000 I mean, it was about...

02:20:37.000 35 pounds.

02:20:38.000 Did she send me the photo immediately?

02:20:40.000 Yeah, she sent me the photo.

02:20:40.000 And what do you do?

02:20:41.000 Do you go get inside? 1.00

02:20:43.000 Holy shit. 0.99

02:20:44.000 It was my older daughter, so it wasn't... 0.99

02:20:46.000 But the...

02:20:48.000 She's smart enough to know.

02:20:49.000 She knows, yeah.

02:20:51.000 But the thing about it is, like, they're always going to be around.

02:20:55.000 Like, we live...

02:20:56.000 In LA. Yeah.

02:20:58.000 If you live in LA, right?

02:20:59.000 If you're in the hills, you think of hills.

02:21:02.000 That's the cat. 1.00

02:21:03.000 Look at that fucking thing. 1.00

02:21:04.000 It's cool looking. 1.00

02:21:05.000 Yeah.

02:21:05.000 If there's anywhere that has coyotes, and everywhere has coyotes.

02:21:08.000 Everywhere.

02:21:09.000 Burbank has coyotes.

02:21:10.000 Well, they can have bobcats too, and they probably do.

02:21:12.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:21:13.000 Yeah, there's eagles, there's all sorts of shit. 0.99

02:21:15.000 There's mountain lions. 0.99

02:21:16.000 Down by Malibu, that area.

02:21:18.000 Sure, sure, dude.

02:21:20.000 There's, I mean, the thing about, particularly like the whole Los Angeles area, you know, Pasadena has a problem with bears.

02:21:29.000 There's a great video of this guy walking down an alleyway on his phone in Pasadena.

02:21:34.000 Oh yeah, I saw that! 1.00

02:21:36.000 There's a fucking bear right in front of him. 1.00

02:21:38.000 Like a black bear. 1.00

02:21:39.000 Well, California's flag is the bear.

02:21:41.000 Well, that's actually a grizzly bear.

02:21:43.000 Interesting.

02:21:43.000 California used to have grizzly bears.

02:21:45.000 And the last grizzly bear was killed in Levesque, or the last grizzly bear killed a person in Levesque, California.

02:21:51.000 And it was named after the guy who was the last guy killed by a grizzly bear.

02:21:56.000 And they actually dug him up years later and found his bones were destroyed, which was consistent with a grizzly bear attack.

02:22:03.000 Where is that...

02:22:04.000 Is that Northern California?

02:22:06.000 It's like, no, it's outside of Bakersfield, like off the 5. If you fed that bobcat, would it come back?

02:22:14.000 Oh yeah.

02:22:15.000 Yeah, people do. 0.96

02:22:15.000 Dummies. 0.96

02:22:16.000 Dummies feed them. 0.99

02:22:17.000 I know a dude, his wife feeds coyotes. 1.00

02:22:20.000 That's crazy.

02:22:21.000 She leaves food out for the coyotes.

02:22:22.000 But a bobcat like that's fun. 0.98

02:22:24.000 They're both crazy.

02:22:25.000 Look at these bears in this guy's pool. 0.99

02:22:27.000 In California?

02:22:28.000 That's great.

02:22:29.000 Dude, Pasadena.

02:22:30.000 They come down off the mountains. 0.63

02:22:32.000 You know, Pasadena is pretty fucking close to the mountains.

02:22:35.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:22:35.000 So these are just regular bears, wild bears, that live in fucking Pasadena. 0.99

02:22:40.000 And what's that sheriff gonna do? 1.00

02:22:43.000 He's gonna do shit, bitch! 1.00

02:22:44.000 Pasadena has everything, man. 1.00

02:22:45.000 They got hawks, they got mountain lions, they got bears, and they have these really nice- I love their swimming, it's great.

02:22:52.000 Old houses.

02:22:52.000 Have you ever been to Pasadena?

02:22:54.000 It's beautiful.

02:22:55.000 Beautiful.

02:22:55.000 The old...

02:22:56.000 Old Pasadena is amazing.

02:22:58.000 It's great, yeah.

02:22:58.000 What they say is...

02:23:00.000 This is they.

02:23:00.000 I don't know who they are.

02:23:01.000 But they say that the Hollywood...

02:23:03.000 The internet.

02:23:04.000 Fame people, the famous people in the early days of Hollywood...

02:23:08.000 Lived there.

02:23:08.000 The actors lived in Hollywood Hills, and the producers lived in Pasadena.

02:23:12.000 And so they have these beautiful estates.

02:23:15.000 You know, they're gorgeous.

02:23:16.000 Oh, my God.

02:23:17.000 Well, it's like Hancock Park is kind of like that.

02:23:19.000 Have you ever been to Hancock Park?

02:23:20.000 Exactly like that.

02:23:20.000 Beautiful Hancock Park.

02:23:21.000 Yeah, it's really nice.

02:23:22.000 Yeah, but Pasadena is just, it's got a feel to it.

02:23:26.000 It's like, oh, wow.

02:23:27.000 This was like some crazy, rich neighborhood.

02:23:30.000 It has that stately feel of an older, cool neighborhood.

02:23:35.000 Exactly.

02:23:35.000 A lot of people drive Mercedes-Benz.

02:23:37.000 Yeah.

02:23:38.000 They're conservative with their money, but they're quite wealthy.

02:23:40.000 They pulled the lever for Reagan.

02:23:43.000 They're liberal at parties, but not when they get in the booth.

02:23:46.000 They just want to keep that money.

02:23:47.000 There's a lot of LA people like that.

02:23:49.000 There's a lot of those people, right?

02:23:50.000 They're woke in the boardroom, but then when they get in that booth, they pull the lever.

02:23:53.000 We've got to keep that money.

02:23:55.000 Closet conservatives.

02:23:56.000 Big time.

02:23:57.000 There's one, this one lady came up to my wife and wanted to talk to her about conservatism because she thought that I was conservative for some reason. 0.76

02:24:06.000 And it was like, you know, we're one too.

02:24:09.000 Yeah.

02:24:09.000 We're one of those two.

02:24:10.000 That's so funny.

02:24:11.000 Like no one wants to let anybody know.

02:24:12.000 Yeah, like they're vampires.

02:24:14.000 You know, it's like half the country is conservative.

02:24:16.000 Yeah.

02:24:17.000 I don't know why she assumed that I was.

02:24:20.000 Well, you talk to anybody.

02:24:21.000 You talk to people that you disagree with, you agree with, you have people on the show.

02:24:24.000 It's also the way I look, I think.

02:24:26.000 Yeah, that's part of it, too.

02:24:27.000 You don't have black room glasses.

02:24:28.000 You're not 95 pounds.

02:24:31.000 You're not afraid of saying hello to someone.

02:24:34.000 But the whole thing of having two parties...

02:24:37.000 It's crazy.

02:24:38.000 And I think it might be ending.

02:24:41.000 The chaos of the moment necessitates solutions that aren't political.

02:24:46.000 Political solutions aren't going to work.

02:24:48.000 You kind of said it when you said pinning blame on everything like that.

02:24:51.000 The incentivizing of...

02:24:54.000 Politicizing everything is not going to work.

02:24:55.000 We just need people that are intelligent.

02:24:59.000 And I think all the systems, whether it's technology, whether it's health, the solutions are not political.

02:25:05.000 It's not electoral politics.

02:25:07.000 It's not elect a senator. 1.00

02:25:08.000 It's not elect some idiot who convinced everybody in Texas to vote for him or people in Long Island, New York to vote for him. 1.00

02:25:14.000 It's finding some of the people you've had on this show, people in that echelon, and putting them in a room and going, how the fuck are we going to figure this out? 0.99

02:25:22.000 It's not guys that convinced people in Virginia that they had their best interests at heart.

02:25:28.000 I mean, it's just an old system and it needs to be modernized.

02:25:33.000 That's a really eloquent way of putting it.

02:25:35.000 You might have a good point there that hopefully people recognize this is not serving them to have these rigid parties on one side and the other side.

02:25:43.000 Not at all.

02:25:44.000 Most people are way more nuanced.

02:25:46.000 And most people don't care.

02:25:47.000 Most people are not...

02:25:49.000 A Republican or Democrat when they're out to dinner.

02:25:51.000 They want to have money.

02:25:52.000 They want jobs.

02:25:53.000 We just draw a line and say you have to be this or that.

02:25:56.000 But especially now, with all these different problems, your solutions are not going to come from the two parties.

02:26:04.000 It also solidifies what's really important.

02:26:07.000 Everyone says, well, what's really important is family and love.

02:26:10.000 Right.

02:26:11.000 Guess what?

02:26:12.000 That is really what's really important.

02:26:15.000 It is.

02:26:15.000 That's not just rhetoric.

02:26:17.000 Yeah, that's really important. 0.99

02:26:18.000 And you realize that when the shit hits the fan, like if you're wealthy and trapped in a mansion by yourself and you don't have any friends. 0.99

02:26:24.000 Yes. 0.99

02:26:24.000 Can you imagine? 0.99

02:26:25.000 Yeah, I could.

02:26:26.000 I'd love to imagine being trapped by myself in a mansion.

02:26:29.000 Can we arrange that?

02:26:29.000 How many days a week do you think you'd handle that?

02:26:32.000 Seven.

02:26:33.000 What would you do if no one could visit you?

02:26:35.000 Nobody liked you.

02:26:36.000 Well, no.

02:26:37.000 I mean, listen, people are going to like you with a mansion.

02:26:38.000 That's the benefit of having a mansion.

02:26:39.000 People like you.

02:26:40.000 They tend to like you.

02:26:41.000 You think so? 0.99

02:26:42.000 You have to be a real dick to not have friends in a mansion. 0.99

02:26:45.000 Especially if you have parties, right? 0.99

02:26:46.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:26:46.000 You have to be a real asshole for people to go, oh, that guy with the mansion? 1.00

02:26:51.000 Fuck him. 1.00

02:26:52.000 Let's go somewhere else. 1.00

02:26:54.000 I get what you mean, though.

02:26:55.000 I mean, listen, that stuff does...

02:26:57.000 You know, listen, these are the things that are the, you know...

02:27:00.000 But not everybody has those luxuries.

02:27:01.000 Not everybody has that thing, you know?

02:27:03.000 It's true.

02:27:03.000 So there's a lot of people that devote their lives, you know, to other things or whatever, and, you know...

02:27:09.000 Yeah.

02:27:10.000 I feel bad for people that are working at places where they're exposed to this disease and they're getting nothing for it.

02:27:16.000 So that's what I said earlier. 0.94

02:27:17.000 Like if you're working at a grocery store and it's like you're getting shit money and you're being exposed to this, it's like we should do, as a country, we should do something for you. 0.96

02:27:24.000 Yeah. 0.97

02:27:25.000 I don't know what it is.

02:27:26.000 Maybe it's like, hey man, you had a student loan, we're taking care of it.

02:27:28.000 Or like, hey, you want a good interest rate on a mortgage five years from now, we're doing it for you.

02:27:32.000 Like, we got to do something for those people.

02:27:34.000 Right, because if your job used to be stacking apples, now your job is you could die- Stacking apples.

02:27:40.000 Stacking apples.

02:27:41.000 There's got to be some way, because we're all depending on those supply chains and those things being opened.

02:27:47.000 Yeah.

02:27:47.000 So if you're putting meat in the package, if you're at Bristol Farms, the store that I love, if you're doing whatever...

02:27:52.000 Is that your spot?

02:27:53.000 That's my spot.

02:27:53.000 I love it there.

02:27:54.000 It's just great.

02:27:55.000 It's for new money. 1.00

02:27:56.000 It's for trash. 0.98

02:27:57.000 It's not like Air One, which is for healthy people. 0.99

02:28:00.000 Bristol Farms is for millionaires that want Apple Jacks.

02:28:02.000 It's like for...

02:28:06.000 TikTok people, rappers.

02:28:07.000 I saw a lady in Erwan. 0.97

02:28:09.000 She was dressed up like a hot beekeeper. 1.00

02:28:11.000 Yeah, that's what Erwan's all about.

02:28:13.000 She was so protected with the goggles and the mask.

02:28:16.000 Yeah, Bristol Farms is like absurd.

02:28:18.000 It's like people pull up in Bentleys and get s'mores pie.

02:28:21.000 They have s'mores pie at Bristol Farms. 0.94

02:28:23.000 It's like you've got to be a real gutter, trash, you know, but those people need some benefit.

02:28:31.000 So that's what I mean when I say it's a failure of the government. 0.96

02:28:33.000 You can't pin it directly on Trump.

02:28:36.000 Everyone pins everything directly on Trump.

02:28:37.000 I don't think he's doing phenomenally, especially in communicating, he's doing what he does.

02:28:43.000 But I think, look at the system and you go, well, we just passed a $2 trillion bailout.

02:28:48.000 We're giving people $1,200.

02:28:49.000 That can't be the solution. 1.00

02:28:51.000 Well, anything he does that's really good gets minimized when he does something stupid. 1.00

02:28:57.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:28:58.000 It's hard for people to give him the post about his ratings.

02:29:02.000 Yeah.

02:29:03.000 The post about his ratings that it's beat The Bachelor.

02:29:06.000 Yeah.

02:29:07.000 If that's not trolling, if that's not trolling, then it's real.

02:29:10.000 I don't know if it is trolling.

02:29:10.000 I don't think it's trolling.

02:29:11.000 But you can't do that when people are falling down dead.

02:29:14.000 It's crazy.

02:29:14.000 You can't do it.

02:29:15.000 It's a problem.

02:29:16.000 So anything good that he does, like closing off traffic to China early.

02:29:20.000 Yes.

02:29:21.000 And deciding that, hey, listen, this travel to China is not smart.

02:29:25.000 Back and forth.

02:29:25.000 We have to stop that.

02:29:26.000 And people are really upset at him.

02:29:28.000 That gets diminished by a tweet like that.

02:29:31.000 I think he wants people to like him.

02:29:32.000 I think he wants the media in Hollywood to like him.

02:29:34.000 I think that's what his supporters don't understand.

02:29:35.000 I think he actually is a creation of Hollywood.

02:29:37.000 All these people that are like, Hollywood, Trump's taking on Hollywood.

02:29:40.000 It's like, he's a creation of Hollywood.

02:29:42.000 This is the guy that loved the Clintons up until he ran against them.

02:29:44.000 Well, he was the host of a Hollywood television show.

02:29:48.000 Yeah!

02:29:49.000 So it's just convenient that he became this crusader against the elites that he spent his entire life around.

02:29:55.000 He wants these people to like him.

02:29:56.000 His point was, I know what they actually do.

02:29:59.000 Because I used to pay them.

02:30:00.000 100%.

02:30:01.000 I mean, that was his point that people bought into it.

02:30:03.000 They're like, oh yeah, this guy's going to fight on our behalf.

02:30:05.000 I just never believed that about any politician, because I'm an adult.

02:30:09.000 I think it's complicated, like everything.

02:30:11.000 You almost need a guy like him today to show that a guy like him can get through.

02:30:19.000 You know what I'm saying?

02:30:20.000 To understand the frailty of the system, somebody has to exploit it.

02:30:24.000 You know how they hire those hackers to test your...

02:30:28.000 Yes, you can get through.

02:30:29.000 Or they give a guy a gun at the airport and go, can you get through?

02:30:32.000 Yeah.

02:30:32.000 Right.

02:30:33.000 But I mean, hackers, it's a famous thing that companies will do.

02:30:35.000 They'll hire hackers to try to break into their software.

02:30:37.000 Yeah.

02:30:38.000 To find out, you know, what are our vulnerabilities?

02:30:40.000 It's just, this is a weird thing to run a simulation.

02:30:44.000 This is a weird...

02:30:45.000 During a pandemic, it might not be the idea to run a simulation with a guy and be like, hey, let's see.

02:30:49.000 I don't think it's a simulation.

02:30:50.000 No, I'm kidding.

02:30:51.000 This guy figured the exploit, but now we know the exploit.

02:30:55.000 Look, having a popularity contest to see who controls the nukes is crazy.

02:31:00.000 It's crazy.

02:31:00.000 Especially because we're frivolous.

02:31:02.000 And what do we pay more attention to?

02:31:03.000 The Kardashians.

02:31:04.000 Who's right?

02:31:05.000 And I've got to be honest with you, if Kim Kardashian would make a better president than a lot of people, a lot of people in Congress, that's how crazy it's gotten.

02:31:15.000 That's how crazy it is.

02:31:16.000 That she's not the worst out there.

02:31:19.000 She's not the worst?

02:31:20.000 She's not the worst.

02:31:21.000 She's a businesswoman. 1.00

02:31:23.000 She's smart.

02:31:24.000 She's working for prison reform. 1.00

02:31:25.000 She's doing things other...

02:31:26.000 She goes to Trump and helps people get out of jail that are unjustly imprisoned.

02:31:31.000 That's great.

02:31:31.000 She has for many, many people right now.

02:31:33.000 That's pretty cool.

02:31:34.000 More than 18 people have been released because of Kim Kardashian.

02:31:36.000 I think it's crazy.

02:31:37.000 Kim, I'll go with you if you want to go to the White House.

02:31:40.000 Good for you.

02:31:41.000 I'll tag along.

02:31:42.000 I want to see you with a MAGA hat on.

02:31:44.000 I will go there.

02:31:44.000 Will you wear a MAGA hat?

02:31:46.000 Yeah, I'll wear any hat.

02:31:47.000 Do you think that would ruin your Hollywood career?

02:31:49.000 I don't think I have a Hollywood career.

02:31:50.000 If I have a Hollywood career, someone let me know.

02:31:53.000 Someone email me or call if I have a Hollywood career.

02:31:57.000 You don't want one.

02:31:58.000 Yeah, my career's in my apartment.

02:32:00.000 That's better.

02:32:00.000 I mean, that's the reality.

02:32:01.000 My career's a microphone.

02:32:02.000 I get to see what I want.

02:32:03.000 Yeah.

02:32:04.000 I would like a...

02:32:04.000 I mean, I'd like to be an extra and curb your enthusiasm or something.

02:32:07.000 I could do something very funny on a show like that.

02:32:09.000 I guess Larry David had a show where he wore a MAGA hat so people wouldn't talk to him.

02:32:16.000 That's a great episode, but that's one of the really funny, great shows out there.

02:32:21.000 Oh, it's a brilliant show. 0.79

02:32:22.000 But there's only a few of those that are really that good, and there's a lot of garbage.

02:32:25.000 But who is an open Trump fan that's popular, other than Kanye? 0.55

02:32:34.000 Well, there's a lot of guys in sports, right?

02:32:37.000 Guys like Tom Brady and stuff.

02:32:38.000 Yes, Tom Brady. 1.00

02:32:39.000 They all catch shit for it. 1.00

02:32:40.000 As far as Hollywood, it's Clint Eastwood. 1.00

02:32:43.000 Oh, is he?

02:32:44.000 Yeah, I would imagine.

02:32:45.000 I think he's said things.

02:32:48.000 Yeah, I don't know.

02:32:49.000 But he's known for being a Republican.

02:32:52.000 Remember Clint had that thing where he pretended that Obama was sitting next to him and he had a conversation with him?

02:32:56.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:32:57.000 It was a chair, right?

02:32:58.000 He was talking to an empty chair.

02:32:59.000 What?

02:32:59.000 I think a lot of studio...

02:33:01.000 There's probably a lot of...

02:33:02.000 It's just crazy.

02:33:04.000 Imagine if you did that and I said, hey, Tim, what'd you do last night?

02:33:07.000 They'd put me in a hospital.

02:33:08.000 Well, I went to the Republican convention and they had me stand on the podium and I just pretended that Obama was sitting next to me.

02:33:15.000 Yeah, I spoke to a chair. 0.97

02:33:17.000 But nobody has the balls to go up to Clint Eastwood and go, let's not do this. 0.87

02:33:20.000 What are you doing? 0.98

02:33:21.000 Let's not do this, Clint. 0.88

02:33:22.000 But what kind of a ridiculous proposition is that?

02:33:26.000 To pretend to have a conversation with someone, and then you make up their answers? 0.52

02:33:31.000 Just like it was the same reason that Gal Gadot and all those people were like, let's sing Imagine, and no one said, guys, this is the worst idea ever.

02:33:39.000 I think Republican operatives put them up to that.

02:33:43.000 If I was a Republican operative, I'd call Gail Godot and I'm like, why don't you get a bunch of people to sing Imagine.

02:33:48.000 Just walk by her.

02:33:49.000 Yeah.

02:33:50.000 Yeah.

02:33:51.000 That's what we need right now.

02:33:52.000 Just get it in their head.

02:33:53.000 There's a lot of celebrities now, like, you can see how out of touch some of them are because they're quarantining in mansions and they're like, just use this time to breathe.

02:33:59.000 Just be.

02:34:00.000 Just be and just be okay with the silence.

02:34:03.000 Cook.

02:34:04.000 Nourish yourself.

02:34:05.000 I'm like, people are jumping out of windows. 1.00

02:34:07.000 Nobody has any fucking money, you psychopaths. 1.00

02:34:10.000 Just take this time to do yoga, to breathe. 1.00

02:34:13.000 The earth is repairing itself.

02:34:15.000 I love those people.

02:34:16.000 The environmentalists were like, the earth is repaired.

02:34:18.000 The air in Los Angeles is so clear.

02:34:20.000 I'm like, you're going to clearly see stabbings very soon.

02:34:23.000 Lex Friedman put out an Instagram post a few days ago explaining how many different viruses are currently in contention right now in a world war.

02:34:35.000 That is happening inside of all mammals.

02:34:37.000 I love that you're looking for more terrifying news.

02:34:38.000 But he was just saying, like, there's wars going on.

02:34:42.000 Yeah.

02:34:42.000 Here it is.

02:34:43.000 Look at this tweet.

02:34:44.000 There are 320,000 plus distinct viruses in mammals and 100 million plus invertebrates, invertebrates, and plants.

02:34:56.000 There's an epic microscopic world war going on all around us and inside us.

02:35:01.000 Nature is beautiful and horrifying.

02:35:03.000 Sorsa Anthony et al.

02:35:05.000 Viral diversity in mammals.

02:35:07.000 It's on Lex Friedman.

02:35:08.000 L-E-X-F-R-I-D-M-A-N. Lex Friedman.

02:35:12.000 His Instagram.

02:35:13.000 Lex, who's been on the podcast a bunch of times, is a genius.

02:35:18.000 And he's oddly fascinating.

02:35:21.000 How old is that guy?

02:35:21.000 He's like a young guy, right?

02:35:22.000 He's pretty young.

02:35:23.000 He's in his 30s.

02:35:23.000 And he's like...

02:35:24.000 Yeah, he's like... 1.00

02:35:25.000 Fucking genius. 1.00

02:35:26.000 How depressing! 1.00

02:35:27.000 Stop with spending time with viruses.

02:35:30.000 Enough! 1.00

02:35:31.000 But we need to know.

02:35:31.000 This is what it is.

02:35:33.000 Do we?

02:35:33.000 We thought we were okay.

02:35:35.000 Yeah.

02:35:36.000 I think, I mean, we're going to come out of this...

02:35:40.000 With a better understanding of the landscape.

02:35:43.000 100%.

02:35:44.000 I think that's the only good that I see out of this. 0.99

02:35:46.000 But we need to be silly and fun and stupid, and people need to not every day look at models. 0.99

02:35:51.000 Everyone's like, the new model says the old model. 0.99

02:35:53.000 It's like, dude, unless it's a real...

02:35:56.000 Like, it's something that we need to do to stay safe.

02:35:59.000 Don't inundate yourself with coverage.

02:36:00.000 Unless it's my podcast.

02:36:02.000 There's a reality of any time there's a disaster.

02:36:04.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:36:05.000 Is that some people can't keep the shit together. 1.00

02:36:07.000 Right. 1.00

02:36:08.000 And you find it...

02:36:10.000 During disasters and one thing that you do find is that there's going to be people that make too much noise.

02:36:16.000 Meaning they complain too much and they're freaking out too much and they make the experience bad for other people.

02:36:23.000 Right.

02:36:23.000 And that's always been a problem with human beings.

02:36:27.000 It's just we had the world set up so easy that they were never tested before.

02:36:31.000 Now virtually everyone on the planet is tested.

02:36:35.000 With a new form of adversity and a new thing that induces anxiety.

02:36:41.000 Right.

02:36:41.000 So these are new things.

02:36:42.000 Yeah.

02:36:43.000 And we're expecting people that are kind of weak to handle new things.

02:36:47.000 And when I'm weak, I mean psychologically weak.

02:36:50.000 There's certain people that they're prone to indulgence.

02:36:54.000 They want too much attention for their sorrow and their anxiety.

02:36:58.000 They complain too much.

02:36:59.000 Of course.

02:36:59.000 They're annoying to people.

02:37:00.000 And they exist.

02:37:01.000 Well, those people are another thing that we have to consider.

02:37:05.000 Yeah.

02:37:05.000 That they're dealing with an unprecedented amount of stress.

02:37:08.000 And we're expecting them to handle it.

02:37:10.000 Yeah.

02:37:11.000 But I think it's like people, like, our job is to kind of, if we can make this funny, if we can show that, you know, it is dark, but I make fun of dark stuff, so that's cool.

02:37:22.000 That's fine.

02:37:24.000 You know, for me, I just think the challenge here is to just go keep being funny.

02:37:28.000 Be funny throughout.

02:37:30.000 Yes.

02:37:30.000 And then when you're able to get back on stage and be funny, you'll be okay.

02:37:34.000 Have fun.

02:37:35.000 You'll be okay.

02:37:36.000 But if you curl up in a ball, or you just give in to the temptation to be all doom and gloom, I'm doom, gloom plus funny.

02:37:45.000 You can be doom, gloom, and funny.

02:37:46.000 I don't think we necessarily have to be doom, gloom.

02:37:49.000 We gotta be realistic. 0.93

02:37:50.000 But even as shit stands right now, with this disease going on, it's still the best time to live, human beings have ever experienced. 0.97

02:37:56.000 Well, until next month with the Great Depression. 1.00

02:37:58.000 You son of a bitch! 1.00

02:38:00.000 It's coming. 1.00

02:38:00.000 But, listen. 1.00

02:38:02.000 What do you think?

02:38:02.000 You just told me to buy a gun an hour ago.

02:38:04.000 It's the best time to live.

02:38:05.000 You definitely should have more than one.

02:38:06.000 Yeah, I should have more than one.

02:38:07.000 You should have a couple guns.

02:38:08.000 Okay, that's a good point.

02:38:09.000 And boxes of bullets.

02:38:10.000 Yeah.

02:38:11.000 It is a, you know.

02:38:13.000 It's a good time to live, but you need, you know, you need weaponry.

02:38:16.000 I read about a house party in Bakersfield.

02:38:18.000 If you rob my apartment, did you hear about this?

02:38:20.000 Yeah.

02:38:21.000 People got together, they had a house party in Bakersfield, and someone fired off 94 shots and shot six people.

02:38:32.000 Imagine 94 shell casings they found.

02:38:34.000 See if you can find the story.

02:38:36.000 These are the type of people that are gonna break quarantine.

02:38:38.000 And these are human beings.

02:38:40.000 Look, but overall, you have to be impressed with the compliance.

02:38:46.000 Everybody's basically doing the same thing.

02:38:48.000 We're just staying at home and going to the grocery store and staying at home.

02:38:50.000 But then also people are becoming rats.

02:38:52.000 People are calling the cops. 0.99

02:38:53.000 There's people that are calling the cops on kids walking too close together and shit. 1.00

02:38:56.000 I don't like when people become rats. 0.99

02:39:00.000 Well, Garcetti is offering rewards.

02:39:02.000 Yeah, I don't like that.

02:39:03.000 Did you see that?

02:39:04.000 Yeah, I don't like that.

02:39:05.000 They're offering rewards.

02:39:06.000 I think that's a whole other bigger problem.

02:39:08.000 Are your neighbors hugging you?

02:39:10.000 Yeah, yeah, dude.

02:39:11.000 Turn them in.

02:39:11.000 Dude, I don't like how humanity so easily snaps into just informing on people.

02:39:17.000 I don't love that.

02:39:18.000 I think that's something in us that I hate.

02:39:20.000 I'm real nervous that we're gonna have to have the antibodies in us in order to be able to go places.

02:39:26.000 Well, that's not gonna work because I don't think a huge percentage of us have had this virus.

02:39:29.000 No, I don't think it's gonna be like that.

02:39:30.000 I think they're gonna either have a vaccine or have some sort of antibody that they can give you.

02:39:36.000 Oh, so you're going to need that plasma transfusion thing?

02:39:39.000 Yeah, exactly.

02:39:40.000 I'm not worried.

02:39:41.000 I think I beat it.

02:39:42.000 I think I had it.

02:39:43.000 We're going to find out, bro.

02:39:44.000 You keep saying this. 0.96

02:39:46.000 You're going to feel like a goof in 23 minutes.

02:39:48.000 I'm confident because what if I had it?

02:39:50.000 Okay, I'm going to go congratulations.

02:39:52.000 What if I beat it?

02:39:53.000 That's wild.

02:39:56.000 Well, a few of my friends have beat it.

02:39:58.000 Like I said, Michael Yeo, my friend Sturgill Simpson, he's got it right now.

02:40:02.000 His wife doesn't have it, his kids don't have it, and he got it in Europe weeks ago.

02:40:07.000 Weird.

02:40:07.000 It's strange, man.

02:40:08.000 It's weird, man.

02:40:09.000 It's weird.

02:40:10.000 I'm very excited to find it.

02:40:11.000 I hope there's...

02:40:13.000 If I do have them, I want it to be like a ceremonial...

02:40:16.000 Imagine a strange virus like that, though, that gets into some people and does nothing and other people devastates them and devastates mostly older people, but occasionally young people.

02:40:28.000 Well, you know what it is, dude?

02:40:29.000 If you were to design a bioweapon, like, you know, a psychological weapon, this is psychological.

02:40:34.000 I don't think it's an effect of bioweapon in the sense that it doesn't kill enough people.

02:40:37.000 Well, not only that, it kills everybody. 0.98

02:40:39.000 It's going to kill you, too. 1.00

02:40:40.000 It's going to kill your family. 0.75

02:40:41.000 But it's a very effective psychological weapon, because you don't know who it's going to kill.

02:40:47.000 Well, you could say that.

02:40:48.000 Terrifying. 1.00

02:40:49.000 But you could also say, like, what if you knew that it was coming, so you protected yourself and your loved ones with some medicine that only you knew, and then you release this shit, 1.00

02:41:04.000 and you watch it wreak havoc. 0.99

02:41:06.000 And then when the stock market crashes, you start buying up stocks.

02:41:10.000 Yeah.

02:41:11.000 And you just start speculating.

02:41:14.000 Yeah.

02:41:14.000 Well, it's just, again, it comes on the heels in China of some massive protests.

02:41:20.000 Yeah.

02:41:20.000 Not only in China, but all around the world.

02:41:22.000 Do you imagine if one day we find out that they released an artificially created virus to cause a world pandemic so they can get out of some political shit? 0.99

02:41:32.000 That'd be great. 0.99

02:41:33.000 Not great, but it would be amazing.

02:41:35.000 Imagine if there was a nation that was that evil.

02:41:38.000 I'm not saying they did.

02:41:39.000 I'm definitely not saying they did that.

02:41:40.000 I think it would be almost bigger than a nation.

02:41:42.000 But I'm saying imagine how crazy that would be if something like that did exist.

02:41:44.000 Yeah, it could happen.

02:41:45.000 And I think it would be bigger than a nation.

02:41:46.000 It would probably be some of the most powerful people ever.

02:41:49.000 I mean, I think that would be bigger than one nation.

02:41:50.000 That might be a lot of different people going, listen, man, we just got to...

02:41:55.000 Look, if you were China and you were evil, I'm not saying China's evil, but if you were, let's just say we're in a movie. 0.83

02:42:00.000 Let's not even call it China. 0.91

02:42:01.000 Let's call it the dark land.

02:42:04.000 Trump is going to start calling it the dark land very soon.

02:42:07.000 And they decided to release a virus that kills a gigantic chunk of the population, causes everyone to stay home, causes the market to collapse, and then dive in and start buying up giant chunks of the businesses.

02:42:22.000 Control these businesses.

02:42:23.000 It's crazy.

02:42:24.000 It could absolutely happen.

02:42:25.000 And we wouldn't know, and you wouldn't be able to prove it, and it would take a while to find out.

02:42:30.000 Even though China is now suppressing research into the origins of the virus, which is not a good sign, and that doctor disappeared.

02:42:38.000 Dude, none of these things are good.

02:42:40.000 None of these are good.

02:42:42.000 But I'm not worried.

02:42:43.000 You should be terrified.

02:42:44.000 Why are you not worried?

02:42:46.000 Because you've got to be a fatalist at a certain point.

02:42:48.000 If I'm going to go, I'm going to go.

02:42:52.000 That's what it is.

02:42:53.000 You've got to be a fatalist.

02:42:54.000 At a certain point.

02:42:55.000 You sound like a cowboy.

02:42:56.000 Yeah.

02:42:57.000 I'm very zen.

02:42:58.000 You just got...

02:42:59.000 If you're going to go, you're going to go.

02:43:01.000 You know?

02:43:03.000 You know what's great?

02:43:04.000 One of my friends was on a flight, and he was sitting next to somebody, a funny guy, a comedian, Dan St. Germain, and he was sitting there, and he was working on a show, and there's a producer behind him, and he's sitting there, and the plane's really rocky, it's getting really bad, and it's stormy,

02:43:19.000 and he goes, you know, whatever happens, I had a good life, and the woman behind the producer goes, no, you haven't.

02:43:29.000 It's great!

02:43:29.000 Oh my god.

02:43:31.000 It's great!

02:43:31.000 No you haven't.

02:43:32.000 She goes, no you haven't.

02:43:33.000 What are you talking about?

02:43:36.000 Do you know how many people work with someone they hate? 0.93

02:43:39.000 How many people work with someone that they think is really fucking annoying and they just can't? 0.88

02:43:43.000 A lot of people. 0.96

02:43:44.000 It's a lot of people.

02:43:46.000 There's no choice.

02:43:47.000 You gotta do it.

02:43:48.000 You gotta show it.

02:43:49.000 Now you work with somebody you hate and they're coughing.

02:43:51.000 Imagine that.

02:43:52.000 Now your co-worker's coughing.

02:43:54.000 Oh my god.

02:43:55.000 And you're like, I think Cynthia's got the bug. 0.99

02:43:59.000 That dry cough.

02:44:01.000 Dude.

02:44:03.000 It's got to be terrifying to hear that next to you.

02:44:06.000 You're working and all you hear is, that's got to be crazy.

02:44:09.000 You'd be so angry.

02:44:11.000 You'd be mad.

02:44:11.000 Why didn't she get more sleep?

02:44:12.000 Yeah.

02:44:13.000 Why didn't she take vitamin C? Yeah, no one's thinking like that, but they're wrong.

02:44:17.000 I love how he thinks everyone's so healthy.

02:44:18.000 Why didn't you wash your hands?

02:44:20.000 Yeah, why didn't she go to the sauna? 1.00

02:44:21.000 No, everyone's like, fuck that bitch. 1.00

02:44:22.000 Why didn't she wash her hands? 1.00

02:44:23.000 I'm glad she's dead. 0.91

02:44:24.000 I'm getting out of here before I start coughing. 0.98

02:44:28.000 You know, it's tough.

02:44:30.000 The idea that you could take a bunch of people in a workplace, 20 people, and you just make them become friends.

02:44:37.000 It's crazy.

02:44:38.000 They have to work together every day.

02:44:39.000 If you're in an office of 20 people and you see insane people every day, they have to be your friends.

02:44:45.000 Well, that's what all those elite fraternities like Skull and Bones and shit, the challenge of them is you take 20 people you think are going to be leaders and they don't know each other at all, and you force them to have this lifelong bond.

02:44:55.000 How do you do that? 0.99

02:44:56.000 You do it by like making them do embarrassing shit in front of each other. 0.97

02:44:59.000 That's the whole thing of like why those institutions exist, like Harvard and Yale, all those places that are just take very successful people that have potential to be future leaders and be influential people and like mold them together and force them to create very close bonds. 0.97

02:45:13.000 That's what all those secret societies and fraternities, that's what all that stuff's about.

02:45:16.000 So it's very interesting.

02:45:17.000 That's what elite power circles have done forever.

02:45:20.000 That's the whole point of any of those things is to just create bonds between people that have no idea that each other existed before they wake up next to each other in coffins or whatever.

02:45:29.000 Well, the thing that people are always talking about when it comes to conspiracy theories about depopulation of the planet.

02:45:37.000 It's always like the elites are going to depopulate the planet, and they're going to kill 50% of the population, and then they're going to take over and control things. 0.87

02:45:48.000 And it sounds ridiculous. 0.97

02:45:51.000 Right. 0.98

02:45:51.000 It sounds ridiculous. 0.98

02:45:52.000 Until they have their robots. 0.98

02:45:54.000 Or you have a virus.

02:45:55.000 Right.

02:45:56.000 Because they don't have the robots yet. 0.99

02:45:57.000 They still need us to pick berries and shit. 0.97

02:45:59.000 When they have the robots, all bets are off. 0.89

02:46:01.000 Once AI advances to that level, once you see the self-driving cars and all that stuff, once you walk into a bank and a robot's like, hello, Mr. Rogan, then you're like, oh yeah, we're going soon.

02:46:12.000 They're gonna start stuffing bats and chickens. 0.99

02:46:14.000 I think we might not get to that.

02:46:17.000 No.

02:46:17.000 I think if this symbolizes the new normal and then this is like where we're gonna realize that these things are around us and there are hundreds and millions of them and they're constantly morphing and evolving.

02:46:31.000 But then you just live in terror.

02:46:32.000 Yeah, but maybe that's just what the future is.

02:46:35.000 Maybe we live like mice.

02:46:36.000 You know?

02:46:38.000 That's not even a life, though.

02:46:39.000 Terror.

02:46:39.000 But that's not a life.

02:46:40.000 There's a lot of rats.

02:46:41.000 That's not a life.

02:46:42.000 Did you see that thing that I sent you about rats in New York?

02:46:44.000 Yeah, I woke up to it.

02:46:45.000 I woke up, he texted me like, he texted me, there are rat wars in New York.

02:46:49.000 I looked outside, it was beautiful. 1.00

02:46:50.000 I'm like, fuck New York. 1.00

02:46:51.000 Fuck those people. 1.00

02:46:53.000 Fuck those comedy purists over there in New York. 1.00

02:46:55.000 Now they're living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape where rats are fighting each other. 1.00

02:47:00.000 Are they comedy purists?

02:47:00.000 Well, when I say go do this guy's podcast, they go, I wouldn't do a YouTuber's podcast.

02:47:05.000 I'm like, you're an idiot. 1.00

02:47:06.000 Some of those people are stupid. 1.00

02:47:08.000 Oh, so they think they just want to do stand-up. 1.00

02:47:10.000 Yeah, yeah, those people.

02:47:11.000 So I'm like, you know, not all of them.

02:47:12.000 Listen, the funniest people in the world, you know, were from the East Coast.

02:47:17.000 Are from the East Coast.

02:47:19.000 But, you know, sometimes you can be a little short-sighted.

02:47:22.000 Well, I think there's some...

02:47:25.000 The thing about podcasts is there's so many of them.

02:47:27.000 So you go, well, what is a podcast?

02:47:29.000 Is it like this really horrible one that I don't want to listen to? 0.97

02:47:33.000 Or is it like, you know, fucking some really interesting, well-produced wandery show? 0.98

02:47:40.000 Right. 0.99

02:47:40.000 Like, what is it? 0.99

02:47:41.000 What is a podcast?

02:47:42.000 How is it?

02:47:43.000 How is it what I do and also what Dan Carlin does? 0.93

02:47:45.000 How the fuck are those the same things?

02:47:47.000 They're not really. 0.93

02:47:48.000 They're not.

02:47:48.000 But what's interesting is you've always made this point about comedy.

02:47:52.000 You've said comedy is so many different things, right?

02:47:54.000 That's why you have Nanette and then you have whatever else. 1.00

02:47:57.000 Sam Tripoli.

02:47:58.000 Yeah, you have the full spectrum.

02:48:00.000 They look similar.

02:48:01.000 They wear the same clothes.

02:48:03.000 Very much so.

02:48:05.000 So that's the whole thing.

02:48:07.000 So I think with podcasting, it's not even a thing.

02:48:09.000 It's just a platform.

02:48:11.000 It's a technology that allows everybody to do whatever they want.

02:48:14.000 Yeah, it's like having an Instagram page.

02:48:17.000 My Instagram page is very different than Delia's, which is very different than Kyle Dunnigan's.

02:48:23.000 It's like everybody's got a different thing that they're doing with it.

02:48:25.000 And what a podcast allows you to do, it allows you to do a show or a thing without having anybody else tell you what to do.

02:48:33.000 Right.

02:48:34.000 That's exactly it.

02:48:35.000 Think about what you're doing. 0.98

02:48:36.000 Who the fuck would ever tell you that's a good thing to do? 0.98

02:48:39.000 No one would ever tell me anything I've done is a good thing to do my whole life. 0.99

02:48:42.000 No one would have ever looked at anything I've said and said, no, do that.

02:48:45.000 That's a great investment, that house.

02:48:47.000 Especially a podcast, though, right?

02:48:49.000 What do you want to do?

02:48:50.000 Do you plan this out?

02:48:51.000 Yeah, no, I just rant.

02:48:53.000 I just go.

02:48:53.000 I just go about things I care about.

02:48:55.000 They'd go, get out of here.

02:48:57.000 Go get out of here. 1.00

02:48:58.000 That's psychotic people. 0.76

02:48:59.000 I can't bring this to the producers.

02:49:00.000 Yeah, they're like, this is not gonna work.

02:49:02.000 This is what people in mental institutions do.

02:49:04.000 You think I'm gonna bring that to network?

02:49:05.000 Yeah.

02:49:05.000 That's your idea.

02:49:06.000 How are you gonna talk?

02:49:07.000 How are we gonna sell that to Quibi? 1.00

02:49:11.000 That thing's about to go bye-bye-bye.

02:49:13.000 Well, listen, it's a mobile streaming app that they launched during a pandemic when most people are watching TV on their couch going, yeah, I'm not commuting anymore.

02:49:22.000 It's a good time for some things, though.

02:49:24.000 Yeah, not that thing.

02:49:25.000 But what if it's got a big audience right out of the gate with some high-profile guests?

02:49:31.000 Yeah, I'm sure the 30 million unemployed people are going to be there tomorrow to keep buying it.

02:49:35.000 They're in a little bit of trouble.

02:49:37.000 And I don't have the facts to back that up, and I don't have the stock certs, but I'm telling you right now, if I were them, I'd start preparing alternate strategies.

02:49:48.000 What's an alternate strategy?

02:49:50.000 You know, it's backed by big people.

02:49:52.000 Meg Whitman, who ran eBay, and Jeffrey Katzenberg ran DreamWorks.

02:49:55.000 They advertise on the podcast.

02:49:56.000 And they're brilliant people, and I love them.

02:49:58.000 They're friends of mine.

02:49:58.000 I hang out at their house.

02:50:00.000 I'm best friends with both of them.

02:50:01.000 Really?

02:50:02.000 But when I watched the Quibi launch thing, they spent a lot of that thing talking about how the movie looks different if you hold it like this and you hold it like that.

02:50:16.000 Because the picture switches when you go like this and like that.

02:50:19.000 And I'm like, if that's...

02:50:21.000 50% of the reason I need to have your thing, we're in deep trouble.

02:50:26.000 Deep, deep trouble.

02:50:27.000 I mean it's just, you know, edit that all out.

02:50:30.000 The point is...

02:50:34.000 But you know what I mean?

02:50:35.000 It's like, you know, it would have been a great idea in a world where everybody's maybe commuting all the time.

02:50:40.000 This world, even when we come back, dude, a lot of people are going to be staying at home.

02:50:44.000 A lot of companies are going to go, you're non-essential.

02:50:45.000 We don't need you in the office.

02:50:47.000 Yes.

02:50:47.000 You can stay home.

02:50:48.000 No, I think for sure.

02:50:48.000 Meetings are happening now.

02:50:49.000 But isn't it weird that it's like really good for some things like Netflix?

02:50:53.000 Great.

02:50:53.000 Great for that.

02:50:54.000 Great for podcasts.

02:50:56.000 Great for what else?

02:50:59.000 Terrible for sports.

02:51:00.000 Terrible for sports.

02:51:02.000 Terrible for sports.

02:51:03.000 Terrible for live entertainment.

02:51:04.000 Terrible for anything, festivals and concerts and things like that.

02:51:09.000 Live events.

02:51:10.000 Live podcast.

02:51:11.000 Kill Tony is the biggest live podcast in the world.

02:51:14.000 Can't do it.

02:51:14.000 It's hard for that.

02:51:15.000 Things like that.

02:51:16.000 But what it is good for is for streaming services, for content, for online podcasts, things like that.

02:51:23.000 Probably for these networks and apps that allow you to communicate with a lot of people at once.

02:51:30.000 Things like Zoom.

02:51:32.000 These things are going to be big.

02:51:34.000 Probably too big for Zoom.

02:51:35.000 That was the problem.

02:51:37.000 There's probably going to be some things that go by the wayside because of this.

02:51:42.000 This might kill movie theaters. 1.00

02:51:45.000 This is good.

02:51:46.000 Well, I read an article about AMC that said that they may not reopen. 0.99

02:51:49.000 They've been downgraded from, like, bad to, like, fucked. 0.97

02:51:52.000 Yeah, I read that, too. 0.99

02:51:53.000 Yeah, so they're in trouble.

02:51:54.000 But it's also, a lot of people would like to just be able to get the movies at home.

02:51:59.000 Yeah, no one cares.

02:52:00.000 And the way they're doing it with Apple, it's kind of forced their hands.

02:52:02.000 So Apple's got, like, on iMovie, or what is it, iHome, iTV?

02:52:06.000 What is it, Apple TV? But they're living in a horror show.

02:52:09.000 So when they try to watch a movie, it's like someone's giving birth in the next room.

02:52:13.000 So the problem is some people go to the movie theater as an escape.

02:52:17.000 Right.

02:52:17.000 So the reality is, depending on how much, you know, it's like you're sitting on the couch, your grandmother's dying of Corona.

02:52:22.000 You're like, I'm trying to watch a film here and this bitch is hacking her lung up in my house. 1.00

02:52:29.000 So some people need those things. 0.99

02:52:32.000 Yeah.

02:52:32.000 Yeah, for sure.

02:52:33.000 There'll be a movie.

02:52:33.000 I think something will come back, dude.

02:52:35.000 Or it'll be some hipster bullshit thing that it'll go away for a few years and they'll bring it back. 0.94

02:52:39.000 Like, remember this? 0.98

02:52:40.000 Well, those are the cool ones.

02:52:42.000 When you go to a town, you have like a local movie theater. 0.99

02:52:44.000 With the real butter on the popcorn and shit. 0.99

02:52:45.000 I was in Bozeman, Montana. 0.99

02:52:47.000 We saw Back to the Future.

02:52:48.000 Oh, that's great.

02:52:49.000 Back to the Future in the movie theater.

02:52:51.000 So I was like, this is amazing. 0.69

02:52:52.000 And it's like one of those, but the seats suck, right?

02:52:54.000 No, they were good. 0.95

02:52:55.000 Okay.

02:52:55.000 Drive-ins could come back.

02:52:56.000 People have been, like, postulating that.

02:52:58.000 Oh, good call, Jamie.

02:52:59.000 The drive-in comes back.

02:53:00.000 Good call.

02:53:00.000 A lot of hand jobs.

02:53:04.000 1950s drive-in. 0.83

02:53:05.000 How many people got jerked off at a drive-in? 0.92

02:53:07.000 A lot. 0.88

02:53:08.000 That's a number that's, like, almost uncountable.

02:53:10.000 It's crazy. 0.91

02:53:11.000 Like, 80% of the people were getting jerked off at drive-ins. 0.88

02:53:15.000 If they saw a movie there, they got jerked off 80% of the time. 0.93

02:53:18.000 That's so funny. 0.85

02:53:19.000 It's so funny now how violent movies are, getting jerked off to just a violent film, you know? 0.99

02:53:23.000 Just a horrific, just 12 years a slave and you're getting jerked off. 0.98

02:53:28.000 It's like, God, this is rough. 0.99

02:53:30.000 Gotta do what you gotta do.

02:53:32.000 That's the way it is.

02:53:34.000 Just gotta do it.

02:53:36.000 I'm cautiously optimistic.

02:53:39.000 I'm curious.

02:53:40.000 I'm curious how this is going to go down.

02:53:43.000 I think you made a good point.

02:53:44.000 It makes me think about health differently and the necessity of really trying to take care of myself better because you want to be able to fight these things off. 0.98

02:53:54.000 Think about it like the three little pigs.

02:53:56.000 You don't want a house made of straw. 0.96

02:53:57.000 Thank you very much.

02:53:58.000 You don't want a house made of sticks.

02:54:00.000 You want a house made of bricks.

02:54:02.000 That's a good point.

02:54:02.000 I've never read that.

02:54:03.000 Is that what it is?

02:54:04.000 Yes.

02:54:05.000 The Three Little Pigs.

02:54:05.000 The wolf blows the house down.

02:54:07.000 Yes!

02:54:07.000 Okay, now I remember.

02:54:09.000 So what it is, is the idea to protect yourself from a wolf, bitch. 1.00

02:54:12.000 Make a real fucking house. 1.00

02:54:13.000 But if I have those antibodies, it means that I got bricks. 1.00

02:54:16.000 Maybe.

02:54:16.000 And that's crazy.

02:54:17.000 Maybe it comes back. 1.00

02:54:19.000 We don't know what this fucking thing is. 0.99

02:54:21.000 We don't know. 1.00

02:54:21.000 We don't even know if it's real. 1.00

02:54:22.000 It's probably not real.

02:54:23.000 It's 5G. You know they're burning 5G towers, these fucking morons. 1.00

02:54:27.000 What is 5G? I don't even know what 5G is. 1.00

02:54:29.000 I gotta be honest with you.

02:54:30.000 It's a higher speed internet.

02:54:32.000 It's a new bandwidth.

02:54:33.000 You don't think there could be some issues with that?

02:54:35.000 There could be.

02:54:36.000 Right.

02:54:36.000 But it's a new thing.

02:54:37.000 So when you have video files that you have to download, they download like...

02:54:42.000 I think I'm flying in, man.

02:54:44.000 I just know that everything is one conspiracy now.

02:54:50.000 It's Knights Templar and 5G. And I'm like, guys, wait a minute.

02:54:54.000 My phone has 5G. I never used it once.

02:54:56.000 I have a Galaxy Note that has 5G. I've never gotten the 5G once.

02:54:59.000 I have Sprint.

02:55:00.000 I don't even have any of the Gs.

02:55:01.000 It's the most embarrassing service.

02:55:03.000 Sprint is for people who have no control over their own life.

02:55:05.000 Is that true?

02:55:06.000 It's a bad service.

02:55:07.000 It's not good.

02:55:08.000 Verizon and AT&T are for legit people.

02:55:10.000 AT&T's sketchy.

02:55:12.000 It's not for people who like to talk on the phone. 0.99

02:55:14.000 The good thing about AT&T is you can pretend your signal sucks.

02:55:17.000 You can be like, I'm on AT&T, sorry.

02:55:19.000 Be like, I gotta go, yeah.

02:55:20.000 Verizon seems to be able to hold more calls.

02:55:22.000 Verizon's the one that everyone has. 0.99

02:55:23.000 But the fact that there's dead spots anywhere in 2020, fuck. 0.99

02:55:27.000 In China, you could be on the top of a mountain in the middle of nowhere and you get five bars. 1.00

02:55:32.000 Those motherfuckers are wired. 1.00

02:55:33.000 I know, but 21 million people lost those cell phones on the mountain. 1.00

02:55:37.000 They lost those phones.

02:55:39.000 Goodbye.

02:55:40.000 Well, tell them what it is.

02:55:41.000 It's 21 million cell phone subscribers.

02:55:45.000 They're no longer online.

02:55:47.000 Cell phones are a way to track people in China, so the government loves people having them.

02:55:51.000 So the idea that 21 million disappeared might suggest that the death toll is higher.

02:55:56.000 Or the other option was they were saying what it also could be would be that a lot of people had two lines and then when the pandemic hit, they'd lost the ability to hold two lines and didn't have the money for it anymore so they cancelled one of the lines.

02:56:09.000 It also feels like there's a group of people that are trying to push the war with China narrative.

02:56:13.000 You start to feel that.

02:56:14.000 You start to feel people are like, hey, they're the enemy, let's fight them.

02:56:18.000 And it's like, they probably are the enemy, but do we need a war now?

02:56:22.000 Of course we don't need a war, but we don't need a war with China.

02:56:25.000 We don't need a war with China right now.

02:56:26.000 That's a real war.

02:56:28.000 Yeah, let's just take a break.

02:56:29.000 Yeah, a war with China is not like a war with Afghanistan.

02:56:32.000 No, that's a serious war.

02:56:34.000 That's a real war.

02:56:34.000 Yeah, we don't need that.

02:56:35.000 With an army that's huge and super powerful and has nuclear weapons.

02:56:40.000 And let's just pretend they did light those people on fire that were sick.

02:56:45.000 Hey! 0.99

02:56:45.000 If they did, imagine what they'll do to you. 0.99

02:56:48.000 Everybody makes mistakes.

02:56:49.000 Imagine what they'll do to you if they eat dogs. 0.98

02:56:51.000 If I was in a closed-door meeting and they said, we torched 20 million of our people, I'd go, hey, this is the way you do it. 1.00

02:56:58.000 Do you really want to fuck with people who eat bats? 1.00

02:57:00.000 No. 1.00

02:57:00.000 I don't think you do. 1.00

02:57:01.000 No.

02:57:01.000 I think you're dealing with a billion of them, too.

02:57:04.000 Let's just let them do their thing.

02:57:06.000 Let's do our thing.

02:57:07.000 We don't need a war.

02:57:08.000 I don't need to go there and eat a bat.

02:57:10.000 Well, it's also, they're already imprisoned by their government.

02:57:15.000 We're not against Chinese people.

02:57:17.000 No.

02:57:18.000 No one is.

02:57:19.000 And I'm not even saying I'm against the Chinese government.

02:57:24.000 I'm saying that the Chinese government is for sure a dictatorship.

02:57:28.000 They're an authoritarian government.

02:57:29.000 But we don't want to tell people what to do.

02:57:31.000 We can slide in that direction in America. 0.66

02:57:33.000 I'm just saying what it is.

02:57:34.000 It is what it is.

02:57:35.000 That's what it is.

02:57:35.000 And I think the worry is that people that call that out, which is true, but they also should realize we can slide there.

02:57:40.000 Yes!

02:57:41.000 My point has always been that we're human beings just like them and they are doing it that way.

02:57:47.000 Where they have a dictatorship that tells them what to do in 2020. There's no difference between them and us.

02:57:51.000 It's just they're in a different part of the world.

02:57:53.000 Right.

02:57:53.000 But that could be us.

02:57:55.000 Could be us.

02:57:55.000 Gotta be careful.

02:57:56.000 Yeah.

02:57:56.000 We gotta be real careful.

02:57:57.000 Gotta be careful, man.

02:57:58.000 Giving up our rights.

02:57:59.000 Especially right now.

02:57:59.000 Because those rights, they slip away, they chip away.

02:58:02.000 And then you never get them back.

02:58:03.000 Right.

02:58:03.000 Right, and you know, Michael Shermer and I were having a conversation about being able to talk to people that you don't agree with and how important that is.

02:58:12.000 He wrote a book about giving the devil his due, like being able to talk to people that you disagree with.

02:58:16.000 Well, this all relates to this thing that's going on here.

02:58:23.000 There's got to be open discourse.

02:58:25.000 They can't shut down where you go.

02:58:28.000 They can't shut down what you do.

02:58:29.000 You have to have freedom.

02:58:30.000 Because if you don't have freedom, then you can tell me What to do for some strange reason.

02:58:35.000 You could be a person that decides to tell me what to do.

02:58:37.000 I don't want that.

02:58:38.000 That's why we started this country in the first place.

02:58:40.000 We're going to slide towards safety so hard.

02:58:44.000 That's why you've got to deal with people's opinions online that you don't like, because they have the right to express them.

02:58:49.000 That's why I've always been like, people say things all the time, and I'm like, I think that's abhorrent.

02:58:53.000 But they should have the right to post it on, you know, my aunt should have the right to use her Facebook page.

02:58:58.000 Even though I think she should be in jail. 1.00

02:59:00.000 The problem is also that people don't want people being influenced by people that are full of shit, like preachers or televangelists or hucksters. 0.99

02:59:10.000 But I'm not getting influenced by them, and you're not either. 0.98

02:59:14.000 So it doesn't work on people that are paying attention.

02:59:17.000 So we're going to protect people that don't pay attention.

02:59:20.000 Are we doing that?

02:59:22.000 We're not protecting young people.

02:59:24.000 If we're protecting young people, how young? 1.00

02:59:26.000 When I was 21 you couldn't have caught me with that stupid shit. 1.00

02:59:29.000 But here's the other thing. 1.00

02:59:30.000 Those hucksters and preachers will just get better so you can box them out.

02:59:33.000 They'll just evolve and their messages will get, you know, they'll figure out what the people that are gonna get duped, they're gonna get duped.

02:59:38.000 They're gonna get duped. 1.00

02:59:39.000 They're gonna get fucked. 1.00

02:59:40.000 That's part of the problem. 1.00

02:59:40.000 I was always gonna buy that house because I'm an idiot. 1.00

02:59:43.000 You were young, too. 0.99

02:59:44.000 I was young and it was fun.

02:59:46.000 But isn't that a part of what we need to see around us, too?

02:59:50.000 Yes.

02:59:50.000 You need to see failure.

02:59:51.000 You can't, as you've said, nerf the world.

02:59:54.000 You can't make it safe for everybody.

02:59:56.000 People got to deal with things and learn how to deal with them, get armor, get immunity, end the quarantine, send us back out today.

03:00:03.000 Gavin Newsom, send us out right now.

03:00:06.000 I got antibodies, I don't care.

03:00:07.000 We're gonna find out in three minutes.

03:00:10.000 Does he come here or do we have to go somewhere?

03:00:13.000 This is great.

03:00:14.000 He's just sitting out there with a needle.

03:00:15.000 Yeah, they're ready.

03:00:16.000 They're sharpening up their needles and getting out the alcohol pads.

03:00:19.000 Wow.

03:00:20.000 This is wild.

03:00:22.000 Gonna find out what's up.

03:00:23.000 I'm excited. 0.99

03:00:24.000 I hope I don't have shit. 0.99

03:00:25.000 I bet I don't either. 1.00

03:00:26.000 I bet you never even got a cold.

03:00:27.000 I bet I don't. 1.00

03:00:28.000 They're gonna test you for being a pussy. 1.00

03:00:30.000 It's green light. 1.00

03:00:31.000 I was sick!

03:00:35.000 Alright, shall we wrap it up?

03:00:37.000 Yes, thank you.

03:00:38.000 Tim Dillon, always a pleasure, bro.

03:00:39.000 Thank you so much.

03:00:40.000 Always fun.

03:00:41.000 Tell everybody your podcast.

03:00:42.000 The Tim Dillon Show.

03:00:43.000 It's a fact-free zone.

03:00:45.000 Come there.

03:00:47.000 Tim J. Dillon on D-I-L-L-O-N on Instagram and Twitter.

03:00:51.000 It's a lot of fun over there.

03:00:52.000 Thank you, folks.

03:00:53.000 Thank you.

03:00:54.000 Thanks, everybody.

03:00:55.000 Thanks, guys.

03:00:57.000 Fun. 0.97

03:00:58.000 I hope I get fucking this clean deal of health. 0.98

03:01:01.000 I know I'm not. 0.99

03:01:02.000 What?

03:01:17.000 you

The Joe Rogan Experience - April 14, 2020

Joe Rogan Experience #1457 - Tim Dillon

Episode Stats

Summary

Transcript