The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #1471 - Tony Hinchcliffe

00:00:00.000 Three, two, one. 0.99

00:00:02.000 Tony motherfucking Hinchcliffe. 0.99

00:00:06.000 Yeah. 0.98

00:00:07.000 Good to see you, buddy.

00:00:08.000 Good to see you.

00:00:09.000 Every time comics come here that I usually spend multiple nights a week with, like...

00:00:15.000 So nice to be semi-normal again.

00:00:18.000 Yes. 0.99

00:00:19.000 For fucking sure. 0.98

00:00:22.000 The restrictions are supposed to be lifting up here in Los Angeles on Friday, which means nothing for us, for comedians. 0.98

00:00:29.000 It means something for some retail, some other stuff, but they're doing it nice and slow. 0.90

00:00:34.000 Did you see the list of shit that the governor's office put out of stuff you're allowed to do? 0.97

00:00:39.000 You should pull that up, Jamie, because it is... 0.99

00:00:42.000 It's quite hilarious.

00:00:44.000 First of all, it's kind of condescending. 1.00

00:00:46.000 It's like treating you like you're a moron. 1.00

00:00:48.000 Like, here's things you're allowed to do. 1.00

00:00:50.000 One of them that I thought was hilarious, it said soft martial arts.

00:00:54.000 Yeah, it said Tai Chi.

00:00:56.000 You're allowed to do this outside.

00:00:57.000 Soft martial arts.

00:00:59.000 No.

00:00:59.000 Why can't you shadow box?

00:01:02.000 Can you do that?

00:01:03.000 Or it's only okay if you do things that don't work?

00:01:07.000 You're saying martial.

00:01:08.000 Martial art.

00:01:09.000 That's an art of war.

00:01:11.000 Right?

00:01:11.000 And Tai Chi is...

00:01:12.000 It is a...

00:01:14.000 It's much more of a meditation than it is an art of war.

00:01:17.000 I think it's very beneficial.

00:01:19.000 But look what it says.

00:01:21.000 Athletics, number one.

00:01:22.000 What does that mean?

00:01:23.000 Badminton, singles, singles, throwing a ball, a baseball, softball, stop.

00:01:29.000 Here's the problem with that.

00:01:30.000 Yeah.

00:01:30.000 If you're throwing a baseball, you're basically shaking hands.

00:01:33.000 Yep.

00:01:34.000 And you're doing it with an organic skin, right?

00:01:36.000 Baseball, the outside of it is cow skin. 0.94

00:01:38.000 You could throw a ball by yourself, but...

00:01:40.000 But that's not what they're saying, right?

00:01:42.000 That's just sad.

00:01:43.000 Are you going to throw it and go pick it up?

00:01:48.000 Throwing fly balls to yourself in the park?

00:01:51.000 BMX biking.

00:01:52.000 Okay, thank you.

00:01:53.000 You're allowed to canoe.

00:01:54.000 Singles!

00:01:56.000 It specifies.

00:01:57.000 Singles.

00:01:58.000 Are they talking about crabbing like crab walk?

00:02:00.000 No, like catching crabs.

00:02:01.000 You can go crabbing like fishing.

00:02:03.000 No, that's what it means.

00:02:04.000 You can go crabbing.

00:02:05.000 People do it all the time?

00:02:06.000 Oh yeah, in California.

00:02:06.000 Not here, but in Northern California, it's a big deal.

00:02:09.000 Yeah, I've done it before.

00:02:11.000 You catch blue crabs, I think they are.

00:02:13.000 I think they're blue.

00:02:14.000 I don't know what species they are.

00:02:15.000 But you catch them off the piers.

00:02:17.000 There's a lot of areas around San Francisco where people catch crabs.

00:02:22.000 It's really big in like Maryland and you know like those guys love crabbing.

00:02:30.000 Oh and in Alaska too.

00:02:31.000 They do a lot of crabbing.

00:02:32.000 I know it's a thing.

00:02:32.000 It was just a California list.

00:02:33.000 That's why I was like I didn't...

00:02:34.000 They must have them.

00:02:35.000 I mean the ocean's right here.

00:02:37.000 Gardening not in groups.

00:02:39.000 Oh you can explore rock pools.

00:02:42.000 Thank you.

00:02:42.000 Oh wow.

00:02:43.000 Where can we do that at?

00:02:45.000 Malibu but you can't get to the beach.

00:02:46.000 It's closed.

00:02:49.000 Cycling, golf, singles, walking, no cart, Tony!

00:02:53.000 Oh my gosh.

00:02:54.000 You can't have a cart.

00:02:55.000 Why can't I have a cart?

00:02:57.000 What if it's my cart?

00:02:57.000 I can't take the cart?

00:02:59.000 It's electric.

00:03:00.000 It doesn't even hurt the environment.

00:03:02.000 Why can't I take the cart?

00:03:04.000 Or why can't they clean it?

00:03:05.000 Wipe it down.

00:03:06.000 Is there a logic to that?

00:03:07.000 Let's stop.

00:03:07.000 I mean, if it's your cart, is there a logic to that?

00:03:10.000 And how is it any different than the cart at the supermarket? 1.00

00:03:13.000 Like, that motherfucker's getting passed around like a cheap ho! 1.00

00:03:17.000 I think it's because they have to have people clean it and whatnot, and they don't want to have to have staff on whatever, because they've opened up... 0.99

00:03:22.000 Right, but they have it at the supermarket.

00:03:23.000 No, I know, but, well...

00:03:25.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:03:26.000 It's like it's real squirrely.

00:03:27.000 It's like the places where you absolutely have to go, they're allowed to stay open.

00:03:30.000 Yeah.

00:03:31.000 And even the shopping cart.

00:03:32.000 I was shopping the other day and I opened up the kiddie part, you know, to put other stuff in.

00:03:38.000 And I'm like, they didn't.

00:03:39.000 There's no way they wiped that part well.

00:03:40.000 There's just no way.

00:03:41.000 If it was on here, I got it.

00:03:43.000 After a while, I'm sure the people that work in those places, the kids especially, like 18-year-olds, they're going to slack off.

00:03:50.000 Oh, yeah.

00:03:51.000 Like, no one's dead.

00:03:52.000 They don't see it.

00:03:54.000 You know, they're not going to the hospital.

00:03:56.000 Hold on.

00:03:57.000 Don't scroll down yet.

00:03:58.000 There's a lot more we missed.

00:04:00.000 Go back up.

00:04:02.000 So, yeah, so we were at no-cart, golf, hiking, trails, paths, allowing distancing.

00:04:10.000 How is it okay when you're running?

00:04:12.000 Because if you're running past people that are walking, this is gonna come in time when you're right there.

00:04:18.000 Is that alright?

00:04:20.000 I don't know.

00:04:21.000 This is all very bizarre.

00:04:23.000 Well, it really is like we're dealing with multiple different diseases, too.

00:04:27.000 Are the trails open?

00:04:28.000 I thought they were still closed.

00:04:29.000 Are they opening those up?

00:04:30.000 I think they opened them up again.

00:04:32.000 We'll find that out next.

00:04:33.000 Oh, you can kiteboard.

00:04:35.000 Okay.

00:04:36.000 Oh, meditation's allowed.

00:04:37.000 Oh, we're allowed to meditate. 1.00

00:04:39.000 What the fuck, man? 1.00

00:04:41.000 Outdoor photography. 1.00

00:04:42.000 Oh, I didn't know.

00:04:43.000 I thought that if I was hiking, I couldn't take pictures of what I was hiking with.

00:04:46.000 Thank you.

00:04:47.000 Thank you for allowing me to do outdoor photography.

00:04:51.000 Picnics with your stay-at-home household members only.

00:04:53.000 Can't meet up with other people that aren't sick.

00:04:56.000 What?

00:04:56.000 Quad biking, rock climbing, roller skating, roller blading?

00:05:00.000 It's weird.

00:05:00.000 It's because we're asking people to be extra super responsible with this, right?

00:05:06.000 But we don't ask the same thing about car accidents.

00:05:10.000 Look at this.

00:05:11.000 Stop.

00:05:11.000 Go back.

00:05:12.000 Soft martial arts.

00:05:14.000 Look at that.

00:05:15.000 Tai Chi, Qigong.

00:05:17.000 What's Qigong? 0.97

00:05:18.000 Well, I know what Qigong is. 1.00

00:05:21.000 It's like a type of breathing exercise.

00:05:25.000 Pretty sure.

00:05:27.000 And you know what Tai Chi is.

00:05:28.000 It's almost like a series of rhythmic movements.

00:05:30.000 But why are you calling that a soft martial art?

00:05:33.000 It's such a weird definition and not in groups.

00:05:36.000 It's just so specific.

00:05:37.000 Like if a person wants to go outside and they have a shadow boxing routine they do and they like to practice Muay Thai, why can't they go practice Muay Thai?

00:05:46.000 They can't just go outside.

00:05:47.000 Like imagine like you're pent up in your apartment and you can go on the beach and just like...

00:05:52.000 Spark up a little and just throw some combinations under the sun and the sand.

00:05:56.000 You can't do that?

00:05:57.000 Is that threatening to people?

00:06:00.000 But you're allowed to do all this jazz?

00:06:02.000 That's not even a martial art.

00:06:03.000 Let's just be honest.

00:06:04.000 It's great.

00:06:05.000 People that do it, they find it very therapeutic and it's good for the body.

00:06:09.000 You know, you're doing these slow poses so it gives you, you know, you're exercising control over your body.

00:06:16.000 But it's not really a martial art.

00:06:19.000 It's weird.

00:06:20.000 It's like you wouldn't fight with it.

00:06:22.000 So what is it?

00:06:23.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:06:24.000 You're not going to fight with Tai Chi.

00:06:25.000 I've never heard the terminology before.

00:06:27.000 Is there such thing as soft and hard martial arts?

00:06:30.000 Yeah, I guess you could kind of define it like that.

00:06:34.000 Some people would say that Tai Chi is a soft martial art.

00:06:37.000 I guess they would kind of say it, but it just doesn't make sense to me.

00:06:41.000 It's not a martial art.

00:06:43.000 A martial art is something that you would use in a fight.

00:06:46.000 If you're trying to have a thing with...

00:06:49.000 There's rules to martial arts, though.

00:06:51.000 So you could say, like, well, how come boxing is just boxing?

00:06:53.000 How come they're not allowed to kick you or take you down?

00:06:56.000 Like, is that a full martial art?

00:06:58.000 Like, what is a martial art? 0.99

00:06:59.000 Martial art is like doing the best shit to do. 0.98

00:07:02.000 When you're in war with a person, hand-to-hand combat. 0.99

00:07:06.000 But for so long, we didn't know what the best shit was. 0.99

00:07:09.000 So they branched off into all these different groups. 0.99

00:07:11.000 So there's the people that only concentrated on judo, and they were convinced it is the best thing you could do.

00:07:16.000 I remember I was really foolish when I was doing Taekwondo, and I worked out with my friend Walter. 0.98

00:07:22.000 He used to teach at this university, and he was a bad motherfucker, and I used to go down and train with him. 0.98

00:07:28.000 And there was this guy, there was this judo guy who was there, and they were practicing judo, and this guy was a gorilla. 1.00

00:07:35.000 He probably could have broke me in half and stuffed me up his ass. 0.99

00:07:39.000 I mean, really, he was a big guy. 1.00

00:07:40.000 But I thought, God, that's so useless. 0.92

00:07:42.000 This is what I thought. 0.75

00:07:43.000 Right.

00:07:44.000 I was like, why would you want to do that when you could learn how to punch and kick?

00:07:47.000 Why would you want to learn how to do that?

00:07:49.000 Did you do any wrestling?

00:07:50.000 Yes, one year in high school.

00:07:52.000 But man, until I started doing jiu-jitsu, I didn't realize how vulnerable I really was.

00:07:59.000 I hadn't done real martial arts in a long time because I had a knee surgery and it took me a long time to recover, like more than a year.

00:08:07.000 I fucked my knee up and I didn't get it fixed for like six months and then I got it fixed.

00:08:11.000 It took like a year to rehab. 0.91

00:08:12.000 So for like a year and a half plus, I wasn't doing any martial arts.

00:08:17.000 And then I started doing a little bit of kickboxing when I came to L.A. I went to this legendary place in Van Nuys.

00:08:23.000 It's one of the things that I wanted to go to.

00:08:24.000 Other than going to the Comedy Store, I wanted to go to Benny the Jets Jet Center.

00:08:28.000 The Jet Center in Van Nuys.

00:08:30.000 Benny Urquidez is like a legendary kickboxer from L.A. And him and his, I believe Blinky Rodriguez is his brother-in-law, but he was another beast.

00:08:41.000 He's a guy who knocked out one of the greatest kickboxers of all time.

00:08:44.000 Jean-Yves Theriot knocked him out with a left hook.

00:08:47.000 I mean, so this was a gym, a legendary gym.

00:08:49.000 And I came here, and right when I came here, I started going there, and they had earthquake damage. 0.96

00:08:55.000 So when it rained, their place got fucked up, like really fucked up, and they had to close down. 0.88

00:09:01.000 And then he moved to a place in North Hollywood for a while. 0.98

00:09:04.000 But it just wasn't the same once that legendary gym was gone.

00:09:09.000 But those were one of the number one places that I wanted to come to when I came to LA. Has anyone ever claimed Tai Chi or Qigong as any of their UFC skill set?

00:09:22.000 Yeah, they make stuff up for fun.

00:09:24.000 Look, look, the greatest fighter of all time, Jon Jones.

00:09:26.000 What's his style?

00:09:27.000 It says, look, see, do.

00:09:28.000 That's his style.

00:09:30.000 Literally, go look up what Jon Jones fights under his style.

00:09:34.000 He writes, look, see, do.

00:09:36.000 You want to talk about a dude thinking for himself?

00:09:39.000 Yeah.

00:09:40.000 This guy's like, look, listen... 1.00

00:09:42.000 Fuck, I know what I knew. 1.00

00:09:44.000 I know what I know. 1.00

00:09:44.000 I know what I can do. 1.00

00:09:46.000 I'm just gonna call it look-see-do.

00:09:48.000 I look at people see things.

00:09:50.000 I look at people do something.

00:09:51.000 I see it and I do it.

00:09:54.000 One of the first fights ever in the UFC the guy tries to throw this wild spinning elbow just out of nowhere fights Shogun for the title opens up with a flying knee just wild Opens up on a legend Shogun was a legend UFC light heavyweight champion the guy who's knocked out Chuck Liddell but was fucking killing people in pride I mean when we were coming up Mauricio Shogun Hua was a legend Jon Jones fights him Wins the title,

00:10:21.000 the youngest guy ever to win a title in the UFC with a flying knee.

00:10:25.000 That's what he opens up with.

00:10:27.000 He's unbelievable.

00:10:28.000 Just wild, man.

00:10:30.000 Just wild.

00:10:31.000 But anyway, my point was, I didn't realize how vulnerable I was until I first started doing jujitsu.

00:10:36.000 Or wrestling, it would have been the same with wrestling. 0.93

00:10:39.000 Like anybody who's like a real grappler, like you can get really delusional about how much you can keep a person off you.

00:10:45.000 Yeah.

00:10:45.000 Without anyone who's a real grappler, like a real division one wrestler...

00:10:50.000 Dude.

00:10:50.000 What's frightening is how, and then once you realize how hard it is, but then you see the people who make it look so damn easy.

00:10:59.000 Yeah.

00:10:59.000 There were these wrestlers, I think they were called the Hurley Twins or something from another school, and these guys were really, really high level, and we were in high school, but they were high level freestyle wrestlers, like they would go to the nationals every year.

00:11:13.000 It appeared as though they would dangle guys by an angle and just keep getting points.

00:11:19.000 They would release and they would make it look like it was nothing.

00:11:22.000 The other guy's wrestling for his life and they would just seamlessly grab their ankle and push them back.

00:11:28.000 There's an underappreciated skill level for the real elite of the elite.

00:11:33.000 If you watch Jordan Burroughs wrestle, who's currently, right now, today, widely considered to be the best wrestler in the world.

00:11:40.000 One of them.

00:11:41.000 I mean there's a bunch of like really insanely good wrestlers out there.

00:11:44.000 I have a bunch of pairs of his shoes.

00:11:45.000 He's the lead of the elite.

00:11:47.000 When you watch him how good he is and how well he moves through these takedowns and transitions and chains takedown attacks together and the power and the drive and the just the fucking explosiveness all of it together the insane desire to compete and win You know,

00:12:04.000 you don't even know what that's like.

00:12:06.000 That guy manhandled Ben Askren, who manhandles most people.

00:12:10.000 Yep.

00:12:10.000 And they all know what he's gonna do.

00:12:12.000 They all know what to defend, that he's going to shoot low on a double leg takedown, and there's nothing they can do.

00:12:18.000 So good.

00:12:19.000 I mean, Askren was quite a bit past his wrestling prime.

00:12:24.000 I don't think you can be elite at both.

00:12:27.000 I think most of these elite wrestlers, who are really, really good wrestlers, once they get into the UFC and they realize how much striking they have to do, how much submissions they have to do, I think most of them would admit that they're probably not getting the same kind of focus on pure wrestling that allows them to stay at their highest level.

00:12:49.000 Oh yeah.

00:12:53.000 Oh yeah.

00:12:55.000 And to put it all together, that's why Look-See-Do is such a great name for a style.

00:12:59.000 Because he's not doing one thing.

00:13:01.000 Yes, very good wrestler.

00:13:03.000 Yes, very good striker.

00:13:04.000 Yes, very good submission artist.

00:13:06.000 Excellent at all those things.

00:13:07.000 But he just throws them all together with whatever's there.

00:13:10.000 What's open?

00:13:11.000 What's open?

00:13:12.000 How about I never try to take you to the ground? 1.00

00:13:14.000 I just kick the fuck out of your legs. 1.00

00:13:15.000 I just get close to you, beat you up in knees and elbows. 1.00

00:13:19.000 It's such a...

00:13:21.000 So when someone says martial art, it's not a martial art.

00:13:25.000 It's a style of fighting.

00:13:27.000 It's like a game you're playing.

00:13:30.000 You know, if you're playing boxing, you're playing boxing, it is definitely a fight, but it is a martial art.

00:13:38.000 But it's not a complete one.

00:13:40.000 Like now that we know, like all those little schools like the Judo people and the Taekwondo people, they were all like real biased about their own style, like I definitely was.

00:13:51.000 Now you know.

00:13:52.000 This is one style.

00:13:53.000 It's mixed martial arts.

00:13:55.000 It's that look-see-do thing that Jon Jones does.

00:13:59.000 He does everything.

00:13:59.000 He's kicking you, he's punching you, he's trying to take you down, he's smashing you on the ground, he strangles you if he can.

00:14:04.000 Like, however I can beat you. 0.99

00:14:05.000 That's what they're trying to do.

00:14:07.000 Which is real martial arts.

00:14:08.000 That's a real martial art.

00:14:10.000 Like as close as you can get without eye gouging and going for the nuts, because we all agree that's just too much.

00:14:16.000 Even if they're teaching you self-defense as the only time they step up with the eye gouge and the nut shots. 0.93

00:14:22.000 But those are like the most effective moves.

00:14:24.000 Eye gouging and nut shots are the most effective moves.

00:14:27.000 We just collectively decide that they're too destructive.

00:14:31.000 Yeah.

00:14:32.000 It's weird seeing actual street fight videos.

00:14:34.000 I saw one where the guy, uh, actual fight video where the guy does grab the other guy's nuts.

00:14:40.000 It's like they're like in the army or something, too.

00:14:42.000 Oh, Jesus.

00:14:43.000 He's begging, please.

00:14:45.000 Like, it's actually really funny.

00:14:46.000 Oh, my God.

00:14:47.000 Please.

00:14:48.000 Please, God.

00:14:49.000 No, please.

00:14:50.000 Oh, my God. 1.00

00:14:51.000 Someone can crush your nuts and take away your manhood. 1.00

00:14:53.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:14:55.000 Oh, my God.

00:14:56.000 I've heard of dudes getting their nuts exploded.

00:14:59.000 Nuts exploded from a kick.

00:15:00.000 One guy who was sparring, just like, I think they said it was like his last round of sparring. 0.99

00:15:05.000 He said, ah, fucking, I don't need a cup. 0.99

00:15:07.000 Just go light. 1.00

00:15:07.000 Boom! 1.00

00:15:08.000 Takes a shot to the nuts, and one of his balls explodes. 1.00

00:15:11.000 Oh, no. 1.00

00:15:12.000 No, they had to remove it.

00:15:13.000 Oh.

00:15:13.000 Yeah, dude, imagine the force of someone hitting you with a kick.

00:15:20.000 Like imagine the force of someone who's like Tyron Woodley, who's an excellent leg kicker.

00:15:25.000 He's got vicious power in his leg kicks. 0.96

00:15:27.000 The force of that hitting you're nuts. 0.99

00:15:30.000 Your nuts are not designed.

00:15:31.000 You need a cup, man.

00:15:32.000 Your nuts are not designed to survive that with no help.

00:15:36.000 That's crazy.

00:15:37.000 That's why they gave us two.

00:15:38.000 Just in case.

00:15:39.000 Just in case.

00:15:39.000 Because there's no kick that could blast through two at once.

00:15:42.000 There's a lot of kicks that'll blast through two nuts. 1.00

00:15:44.000 Wow.

00:15:45.000 Yeah, 100%. 0.99

00:15:46.000 Pedro Hizzo, if he kicked your nuts, you would have no nuts. 0.94

00:15:51.000 They would be all smashed up like gravy. 0.98

00:15:55.000 It got kicked so hard.

00:15:56.000 I was looking at a hard and soft martial arts.

00:16:00.000 Judo, like that's judo, the ju of judo and jujitsu is soft.

00:16:06.000 So it's like not blocking with a block, like blocking an attack with a block.

00:16:12.000 Oh, I see, I see.

00:16:13.000 Like a redirection.

00:16:14.000 Intercepting it, yeah.

00:16:15.000 Well, then you can't, I don't know, maybe I'm looking at the word soft incorrectly.

00:16:18.000 Soft martial arts just has a picture of CM Punk next to it. 1.00

00:16:22.000 Oh, you son of a bitch! 1.00

00:16:25.000 You would never call judo a soft martial art, though. 1.00

00:16:28.000 I mean, maybe it's technically that, but I mean, amongst the circles that I travel in, when you're talking to, and I'm not a judo expert, obviously, but I know a lot of people that are.

00:16:39.000 I've talked to a lot of judo experts.

00:16:41.000 I bet they wouldn't think it's soft martial art.

00:16:43.000 Yeah, I wouldn't agree with that.

00:16:44.000 Judo guys are brutal. 0.99

00:16:46.000 They're brutal.

00:16:47.000 They're some of the most...

00:16:48.000 Look, if you watch world-class judo, there's...

00:16:52.000 Some great footage of Hector Lombard. 0.99

00:16:56.000 Hector Lombard, when he was doing judo, was a motherfucker. 0.99

00:16:59.000 I mean, just smashing people. 1.00

00:17:01.000 He's so fucking strong. 0.99

00:17:02.000 When you watch really good judo with really good technique, there's nothing soft about that, man. 1.00

00:17:08.000 That is wild shit, man. 0.99

00:17:10.000 It's basically the art of throwing people. 1.00

00:17:12.000 It's the art of throwing people on your fucking head and grabbing you by your clothes. 0.99

00:17:16.000 And you're both grabbing each other by your clothes. 0.99

00:17:18.000 And when you get to a super elite level...

00:17:21.000 When you watch those Olympians go at it, man, it's wild.

00:17:25.000 It's so hard. 0.98

00:17:27.000 It's so fucking hard. 0.90

00:17:28.000 I mean, it's super brilliant and technical, and it's very strategic, and there's all these transitions, and it's very technical in terms of being able to execute a high-level throw on someone who's also an expert in high-level throws. 0.97

00:17:42.000 It's amazing, but it's also very hard. 0.99

00:17:45.000 They're strong as shit. 0.99

00:17:47.000 I've only rolled with a few really good judo guys ever, and it's like rolling with a chimpanzee. 1.00

00:17:53.000 They're too strong. 0.99

00:17:55.000 Wrestlers, judo guys, you guys are too fucking strong. 0.98

00:18:03.000 We were still going over this list. 0.98

00:18:04.000 That's how good this marijuana is.

00:18:07.000 I forgot what we were talking about.

00:18:09.000 Oh, you can go tree climbing. 1.00

00:18:11.000 Go climb a tree, you fuck. 1.00

00:18:13.000 I did. 1.00

00:18:14.000 I did the other day.

00:18:15.000 I climbed a tree.

00:18:16.000 Hey, Tony.

00:18:16.000 I got excited.

00:18:17.000 Good news.

00:18:18.000 You can wash your car.

00:18:19.000 The government thinks it's okay for you to wash your car.

00:18:22.000 Wow.

00:18:23.000 Oh, you can walk the dog.

00:18:24.000 Yay! 0.99

00:18:25.000 I didn't know I could walk the dog. 1.00

00:18:26.000 I've just been letting him shit in my mouth for two months. 1.00

00:18:32.000 You can watch the sunrise or the sunset. 1.00

00:18:36.000 Wow, both of them?

00:18:38.000 Yeah.

00:18:39.000 We're so lucky.

00:18:40.000 You can do yoga.

00:18:42.000 My goodness.

00:18:43.000 I would just let us be responsible. 0.98

00:18:46.000 Silly list. 0.99

00:18:47.000 Just, you know, that list is silly. 0.99

00:18:50.000 Just, first of all, that's a first draft.

00:18:54.000 Edit.

00:18:54.000 Take out Sunrise and Sunset.

00:18:56.000 That's a big duh.

00:18:57.000 You know?

00:18:58.000 Take out all the duhs.

00:19:01.000 You like writing lists.

00:19:03.000 Anybody writes a list like that?

00:19:05.000 Yeah.

00:19:07.000 Sweden's looking at that list and laughing all the way to the bank, literally.

00:19:11.000 Answer me this.

00:19:12.000 How come you can play badminton?

00:19:13.000 When you're playing badminton, sometimes you're right up on each other.

00:19:17.000 Aren't you?

00:19:17.000 It's not that far away.

00:19:18.000 You can get close, I think.

00:19:20.000 No, you don't, right?

00:19:21.000 You'd be in the distance.

00:19:22.000 No.

00:19:23.000 Do you spike it?

00:19:24.000 It did say volleyball is on the list and they're spiking a volleyball. 0.94

00:19:27.000 Oh, well, volleyball, it has to be singles. 0.88

00:19:29.000 It has to be one...

00:19:30.000 I think they said singles.

00:19:31.000 I don't know how you can play a singles volleyball.

00:19:32.000 Here's the thing.

00:19:33.000 You're still touching this ball.

00:19:35.000 So it's like touching someone's hands.

00:19:37.000 It's the same thing.

00:19:39.000 If you have this and it's on the ball, it's going to get on the ball.

00:19:43.000 When the person catches the ball, it's going to get on their hands.

00:19:45.000 They're going to touch their eyes.

00:19:46.000 They're going to throw the ball again.

00:19:47.000 And you're going to do this for hours.

00:19:49.000 You're going to get each other's cooties. 0.99

00:19:50.000 You might as well just make out. 0.80

00:19:51.000 For sure.

00:19:52.000 Plus their sweat.

00:19:54.000 Yeah, they sweat.

00:19:55.000 You're breathing hard.

00:19:57.000 You definitely get close to each other when you get real close to them.

00:19:59.000 If you're like, I've seen dudes kiss.

00:20:01.000 They jumped up and as they were...

00:20:03.000 That's one of the main moves in volleyball. 0.87

00:20:05.000 They give each other a kiss and they try to swat that ball down.

00:20:08.000 I mean, they might as well be kissing.

00:20:10.000 That's how you start the game in West Hollywood. 1.00

00:20:12.000 That would be a great way to fuck with your opponent. 1.00

00:20:15.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:20:15.000 As he's reaching up to get that ball, you give him a smoocher. 1.00

00:20:18.000 Right on the lips.

00:20:19.000 And like in a movie, you guys peek up together. 0.99

00:20:23.000 Imagine if that's all it took to turn you gay. 0.95

00:20:25.000 If there was a move. 0.99

00:20:29.000 But imagine if a guy could make you gay. 0.99

00:20:36.000 How weird is it that you can get knocked out? 1.00

00:20:38.000 Getting knocked out is crazy.

00:20:40.000 The idea that you just get smacked on the face and you go unconscious and everything just shuts off.

00:20:46.000 That would be hilarious.

00:20:48.000 Imagine if there was like a button that you had.

00:20:50.000 Like if someone touched a button right on your taint.

00:20:54.000 It's like a reset button on an electrical outlet.

00:21:00.000 The circuit blows.

00:21:01.000 He's gonna push it back in.

00:21:04.000 Pop! 0.87

00:21:07.000 Oh my god.

00:21:09.000 That volleyball scene.

00:21:11.000 Isn't there a thing where Quentin Tarantino breaks down how gay this movie is?

00:21:15.000 That's what I thought of it, I think.

00:21:17.000 Speaking of Tom Cruise.

00:21:17.000 Like a video of it, right?

00:21:19.000 He's gonna make a movie in space.

00:21:20.000 Of course he's gonna make a movie in space. 0.99

00:21:21.000 He's Tom fucking Cruise. 0.99

00:21:22.000 Yeah, this is a... 1.00

00:21:23.000 If I was into gay men, this would be awesome. 0.97

00:21:28.000 Right? 1.00

00:21:29.000 If you're a gay guy and you're like, damn, look at these guys. 1.00

00:21:31.000 This is a movie for you. 1.00

00:21:33.000 If you look at it that way...

00:21:35.000 Well, whoever wore jeans on the beach to play volleyball, too.

00:21:38.000 Well, also, they slide into the sand and then miraculously, right after they slide into the sand, they are clean and shiny with glistening sweat and no sand on them.

00:21:51.000 You just did the sand.

00:21:52.000 You just dove.

00:21:53.000 But watch.

00:21:54.000 They hit the sand all the time, but there's no sand on them.

00:21:58.000 Instead, they're perfectly glistening.

00:22:01.000 It's magic sand.

00:22:02.000 This is a weird...

00:22:03.000 Yeah.

00:22:03.000 I don't think I've ever really watched Top Gun the whole way through.

00:22:07.000 Hold on.

00:22:07.000 Back that up.

00:22:08.000 Why does Tom Cruise walk like that?

00:22:09.000 Back that up.

00:22:10.000 Back that up.

00:22:12.000 Watch this walk.

00:22:13.000 Here we go.

00:22:14.000 That's very odd.

00:22:16.000 That's an odd walk.

00:22:17.000 Maybe he hurt himself out there.

00:22:18.000 Volleyball injury.

00:22:20.000 Bro, he does all his own stunts too.

00:22:22.000 Like motorcycle stunts.

00:22:23.000 He's probably hurt all the time.

00:22:25.000 He jumped out of a...

00:22:26.000 I watched the video.

00:22:27.000 They have video of him being videoed while jumping out of that plane in Mission Impossible.

00:22:32.000 Yeah.

00:22:32.000 What is that?

00:22:33.000 Nuts.

00:22:33.000 What is that?

00:22:34.000 Nuts.

00:22:34.000 The video of him hanging on the plane.

00:22:37.000 What is he doing there?

00:22:38.000 Is he attached by a latch or something? 1.00

00:22:41.000 Have you seen that shit? 1.00

00:22:42.000 Uh-uh. 1.00

00:22:42.000 There's a video of him and supposedly it's actual video of him hanging from the side of the plane. 1.00

00:22:50.000 He doesn't get enough credit for this. 1.00

00:22:52.000 He's a goddamn maniac. 1.00

00:22:55.000 This. 1.00

00:22:56.000 Look. 0.98

00:22:56.000 He's giving them the thumbs up, and so this fucking plane takes off, dude, and he's actually hanging off the edge of this. 0.98

00:23:03.000 Look at this. 0.99

00:23:03.000 Watch. 0.99

00:23:04.000 He lets his legs go and everything.

00:23:07.000 This is nuts, man.

00:23:09.000 Look at this.

00:23:09.000 It's the raw footage from the camera.

00:23:11.000 This is insane.

00:23:13.000 So he's really letting this plane take him in the air, and he's hanging on from the power of L. Ron Hubbard.

00:23:20.000 Look at this.

00:23:21.000 No, there it is.

00:23:22.000 You can see it.

00:23:23.000 What are you seeing?

00:23:24.000 There's a thing right there.

00:23:25.000 You see that rope?

00:23:26.000 The rope.

00:23:27.000 Oh yeah, the rope is connecting him.

00:23:30.000 But still, that's him.

00:23:31.000 Oh yeah, that's nuts.

00:23:33.000 That's crazy.

00:23:33.000 I'm not saying this is the only thing keeping him up there.

00:23:37.000 I'm saying, what the fuck, man? 1.00

00:23:41.000 What the fuck, man? 1.00

00:23:42.000 He's strapped to the side of a plane, and he's Tom Cruise. 1.00

00:23:45.000 He's like a huge movie star.

00:23:47.000 What kind of insurance policy was involved in this scene?

00:23:51.000 When he broke his ankle, they stopped for like six weeks, I think.

00:23:54.000 Bro, if I was the director, I'd say, look, we're going to shoot this scene last.

00:24:01.000 I would write in fake endings to the movie where Tom Cruise's character dies, and then his sister comes in.

00:24:07.000 I would have Scarlett Johansson on standby, ready to come avenge Tom Cruise, because we see him fly off the back of that plane. 1.00

00:24:13.000 And that would be a real controversy thing.

00:24:15.000 Like, should we actually show him falling off the plane to his death?

00:24:19.000 And they'd be like, look, Tom would want us to.

00:24:21.000 And so they leave it in there.

00:24:22.000 And we all get to watch like a Tom Cruise snuff film.

00:24:26.000 I'd love that.

00:24:27.000 We would love that.

00:24:29.000 People love that.

00:24:29.000 The thing is, I would watch it.

00:24:31.000 I don't want it to happen, but if I knew there was a video of Tom Cruise dying because he fell off the side of a plane, how do you not watch that?

00:24:40.000 Right?

00:24:41.000 Yeah.

00:24:41.000 How did he not watch that?

00:24:42.000 I mean, look at when Heath Ledger died basically from playing the Joker that whole time.

00:24:48.000 He's on the pills and everything.

00:24:49.000 He can't sleep.

00:24:51.000 Everybody went and watched that.

00:24:53.000 Is that why he died, you think?

00:24:55.000 Like, he got addicted to pills because of the Joker?

00:24:58.000 Well, no.

00:24:58.000 He just wasn't sleeping.

00:24:59.000 He wasn't taking care of himself through the entire filming of that movie.

00:25:03.000 Oh.

00:25:04.000 They didn't even finish it, right?

00:25:05.000 I don't think so.

00:25:06.000 I think he died right at the end of filming.

00:25:08.000 Oh.

00:25:09.000 Not positive on that.

00:25:10.000 Yeah, I think you're right.

00:25:11.000 I feel like he died during the process, right?

00:25:14.000 Yeah.

00:25:15.000 That was a bummer, man. 0.93

00:25:16.000 That guy can act his ass off.

00:25:18.000 You gotta assume, though, I always do, when someone's that good at something, they're probably just really chaotic.

00:25:26.000 Yeah.

00:25:26.000 You know, mentally chaotic.

00:25:28.000 And some of those people just need to calm that fucking demon down. 1.00

00:25:31.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:25:31.000 He was filming a different movie. 1.00

00:25:33.000 They had just finished that, The Dark Knight.

00:25:35.000 Oh, okay.

00:25:36.000 So he was done and he was on the next thing.

00:25:39.000 Like John Belushi, right?

00:25:41.000 Here's another one.

00:25:42.000 You see that guy.

00:25:43.000 He was so ferocious in some of his characters.

00:25:48.000 He was so wild.

00:25:53.000 They must have been demons.

00:25:54.000 Just demons!

00:25:56.000 I'll name another one right now.

00:25:57.000 Philip Seymour Hoffman.

00:25:58.000 Oh, he's brilliant.

00:25:59.000 Oh my god.

00:26:00.000 Brilliant.

00:26:00.000 I just watched one I hadn't seen with him.

00:26:02.000 Nuts, man.

00:26:04.000 That was so good.

00:26:05.000 He did one with the guy that made There Will Be Blood, that director.

00:26:09.000 I can't remember the name of it.

00:26:10.000 He's in those Hunger Games.

00:26:12.000 Right?

00:26:12.000 Yeah, but I'm not.

00:26:13.000 He's good in those.

00:26:14.000 Yeah. 0.96

00:26:14.000 I know those movies are silly. 0.96

00:26:17.000 Philip Seymour Hoffman's a freak. 0.96

00:26:18.000 He was really good.

00:26:20.000 Yeah.

00:26:21.000 Yeah, I mean, he's got an impressive list.

00:26:23.000 If you look at the movies that he's done, you go over it and you go, oh, wow, I forgot about that one.

00:26:26.000 I forgot about that one.

00:26:28.000 And he makes, even the ones that look like they'd be lame.

00:26:30.000 I went down, this is when the quarantine started.

00:26:33.000 This is one of the big rabbit holes I went down.

00:26:35.000 It was a Philip Seymour Hoffman one.

00:26:36.000 And even the movies that look like they wouldn't be great are great.

00:26:41.000 There's a few actors that really, I think, read the scripts that they're offered and have a real take on them.

00:26:48.000 And they make everything good.

00:26:50.000 That Ben Mendelsohn guy, I don't know if you've ever saw Bloodline, but he's another one of those actors.

00:26:54.000 Is he that guy that was in 30 Days of Nights?

00:26:59.000 There's a guy who's in 30 Days of Nights, which is a really fun vampire movie while you're quarantined. 1.00

00:27:05.000 Good fuck. 0.99

00:27:06.000 Have you seen it? 1.00

00:27:07.000 No.

00:27:07.000 No, he's the guy from The Outsider.

00:27:09.000 Oh, okay.

00:27:11.000 The cop from The Outsider.

00:27:12.000 Show me.

00:27:16.000 Oh! 0.60

00:27:17.000 That guy's amazing!

00:27:19.000 You can look up anything he's done.

00:27:21.000 It's unbelievable.

00:27:23.000 Yeah, he was in Ready Player One.

00:27:25.000 He was the bad guy.

00:27:27.000 Remember?

00:27:27.000 He was great in that.

00:27:28.000 He's an unbelievable bad guy.

00:27:31.000 He's so good as the cop in The Outsider.

00:27:34.000 The Outsider is really fun.

00:27:36.000 I really enjoyed that.

00:27:37.000 I hope they make a part two of that. 0.99

00:27:39.000 That was creepy as fuck. 0.99

00:27:40.000 And that woman who played the savant... 1.00

00:27:43.000 She played sort of autistic savant.

00:27:45.000 That lady was amazing. 1.00

00:27:47.000 She was so good.

00:27:48.000 Like that whole cast, the guy who was her boyfriend in that, who was also from House of Cards, that guy's amazing.

00:27:56.000 So that was a great little fun supernatural series.

00:28:00.000 Yeah, for sure.

00:28:02.000 Yeah, incredible.

00:28:03.000 That lady who played the autistic one, like, I wonder what she's like in real life, because she's so good.

00:28:07.000 Completely different.

00:28:08.000 I actually found this out because I was...

00:28:11.000 What is her name?

00:28:12.000 I forget.

00:28:13.000 Let's find out.

00:28:14.000 She played Rosa Parks and, like, sung at the Oscars, too.

00:28:17.000 She's amazing.

00:28:19.000 She played it perfect.

00:28:21.000 Like, that's a weird read to play a super genius who's on the spectrum.

00:28:27.000 You know, that's a weird read, but also relatable and really likable.

00:28:32.000 She just figured out the perfect frequency. 0.98

00:28:37.000 You know, some people can play a psycho and you're like, God damn, that seems psycho. 0.99

00:28:41.000 Like the old lady. 1.00

00:28:44.000 On Ozark, the old lady who grows the heroin. 0.95

00:28:47.000 Oh my god. 1.00

00:28:48.000 Holy shit is she good. 1.00

00:28:50.000 Holy shit is that lady good. 1.00

00:28:51.000 Who is that lady? 1.00

00:28:53.000 Unbelievable.

00:28:54.000 She's amazing. 0.98

00:28:55.000 She scares the fuck out of me. 0.80

00:28:59.000 Cynthia Erivo, I believe is how you say that. 0.94

00:29:02.000 So Cynthia Erivo is the woman who plays the autistic lady on The Outsider.

00:29:08.000 Who is the lady now that plays the heroin lady in Ozark? 1.00

00:29:15.000 That lady is scary, man. 1.00

00:29:17.000 She's fucking terrified. 1.00

00:29:19.000 She's for sure the most terrifying person in a show filled with terrifying people. 1.00

00:29:24.000 She scares me more than the Navarro guy does. 1.00

00:29:27.000 Oh, she's completely crazy. 0.99

00:29:30.000 She's so scary, dude! 1.00

00:29:30.000 She killed her own husband. 1.00

00:29:32.000 I know, but she's so believable. 1.00

00:29:34.000 That lady who's the actress is fucking brilliant. 1.00

00:29:37.000 What is her name? 0.99

00:29:38.000 I don't know.

00:29:38.000 Just go to cast.

00:29:41.000 That scene when she started banging the kid reminded me of, remember the scene in Kingpin where he has to have sex with a neighbor? 0.99

00:29:50.000 She plays Darlene. 0.99

00:29:52.000 That's her name, right?

00:29:53.000 Isn't it Darlene?

00:29:55.000 Right.

00:29:58.000 Yes, that's the lady. 1.00

00:30:00.000 Lisa Emery.

00:30:01.000 Oh, okay.

00:30:03.000 Dude, she's incredible. 1.00

00:30:04.000 She's so scary! 0.88

00:30:06.000 Yeah.

00:30:07.000 She's so scary on that show. 1.00

00:30:10.000 And the other woman, the lawyer woman, she scares the fuck out of me too. 0.99

00:30:14.000 Helen. 0.99

00:30:16.000 Goddammit, who's that lady? 1.00

00:30:19.000 That lady's amazing as well. 1.00

00:30:21.000 Janet.

00:30:22.000 She's terrifying.

00:30:25.000 They steal the show.

00:30:27.000 That's one of the interesting things about Ozark is you want to talk about a show that's like an equal opportunity show.

00:30:34.000 It's a terrifying show and the two scariest characters are women. 1.00

00:30:38.000 Yeah.

00:30:39.000 Mind-boggling.

00:30:41.000 It's a great show!

00:30:42.000 It's so good!

00:30:44.000 One of my favorites.

00:30:44.000 And it's funny because, you know, it's written and directed by Jason Bateman.

00:30:48.000 And when I first visited California the first time, I just graduated high school and I was out here visiting my brother.

00:30:55.000 And we got lost.

00:30:56.000 We were in this SUV and we got lost going around the Hollywood Hills.

00:31:00.000 And at one point, my brother stops to ask for directions.

00:31:03.000 Somehow we got lost.

00:31:04.000 Like, it's like looking back on it, it's like you just go down the hill, right?

00:31:08.000 But we didn't know what side we were on.

00:31:10.000 Anyway, he stops to ask this guy that's walking on the side of the street, who's clearly on the cell phone, which way to get back down.

00:31:19.000 He's like, excuse me, sir.

00:31:20.000 Excuse me.

00:31:21.000 And this guy turns around, and it was Jason Bateman.

00:31:24.000 And Jason Bateman's on his phone, and he looks back at my brother, and he's looking at my brother like, can't you see?

00:31:31.000 He didn't say a word, but he looks at his phone like, can't you see I'm on the phone? 1.00

00:31:35.000 Like, what are you, an idiot? 1.00

00:31:38.000 But he didn't say anything. 1.00

00:31:40.000 He just looked at his phone and looked at us like that and kept walking, went back on his phone call.

00:31:46.000 So after that, I'm like, you know what?

00:31:48.000 Screw that Jason Bateman guy.

00:31:50.000 I didn't really find none of that one sitcom he was on never really connected with me or whatever.

00:31:56.000 And so I always thought I was anti-Jason Bateman. 0.99

00:32:00.000 And then here we are so much later, almost 20 years later, and I realized that day that we were the assholes. 0.99

00:32:09.000 Stopping. 0.99

00:32:09.000 Of course we saw that he was on the phone. 0.99

00:32:11.000 In retrospect, if anybody did that to me or anyone I know, we would do the same.

00:32:15.000 Can't you see him on the phone?

00:32:17.000 It looks like Sebastian.

00:32:19.000 Exactly.

00:32:19.000 Oh, you gotta pull up this video from Sebastian's Instagram.

00:32:23.000 He's walking and these people are walking up the hill behind him with water bottles on their heads.

00:32:29.000 It is the most Sebastian thing you'll ever see in your life.

00:32:33.000 It's brilliant.

00:32:35.000 If someone wanted to say, like, hey, that's Sebastian.

00:32:38.000 He's really funny, right?

00:32:40.000 What's this comedy like?

00:32:42.000 Watch this video.

00:32:44.000 Give me some volume.

00:32:46.000 Give me some volume.

00:32:49.000 Look at this.

00:32:56.000 Oh, are you walking with bottles on your head?

00:33:00.000 You bother me.

00:33:02.000 See, that is so...

00:33:04.000 He's laughing while he's saying it.

00:33:07.000 It's 100% his personality.

00:33:09.000 You bother me.

00:33:14.000 He kills me harder than almost anybody in the world.

00:33:18.000 He's very funny in a very unique way.

00:33:20.000 He's very funny in his own way.

00:33:22.000 He's like Theo in a lot of ways.

00:33:25.000 Like if someone said, like, how do you describe Theo's comedy?

00:33:27.000 I'm like, he's Theo Vaughn.

00:33:29.000 He knows how to be Theo Vaughn, and it's amazing.

00:33:32.000 And Sebastian is real similar in that way.

00:33:35.000 He knows how to be Sebastian.

00:33:37.000 He's got that...

00:33:39.000 He just is himself, and it just, oop, it works.

00:33:43.000 You couldn't write it down on paper.

00:33:45.000 That's one of the weirder things about comedy.

00:33:47.000 Some of those people that are like that, Harlan Williams.

00:33:50.000 Tell me what that is.

00:33:51.000 Explain that to me.

00:33:52.000 You can't explain it.

00:33:53.000 You just gotta see it, and then you'll be laughing.

00:33:55.000 Hey there, butternuts, flapjacks, peachy pie. 1.00

00:33:58.000 You're like, what the fuck? 1.00

00:34:00.000 I get nervous around Sebastian. 1.00

00:34:02.000 He's one of the only people.

00:34:03.000 I'm more comfortable around Chappelle than I am around Sebastian.

00:34:06.000 Like, it's literally, there's just something about his entire aura. 0.96

00:34:09.000 Like, I'm always afraid I'm gonna say something or do something stupid or trip. 0.99

00:34:13.000 What? 0.99

00:34:14.000 Yeah.

00:34:15.000 You're worried about that comedic observation.

00:34:18.000 What?

00:34:19.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:34:19.000 What the f- He's so fucking funny to me. 0.99

00:34:23.000 I think I was- Touch a nice guy, too. 0.99

00:34:25.000 Like, just such a sweetheart of a guy.

00:34:27.000 Always has been.

00:34:28.000 Always been a nice guy.

00:34:30.000 Always hustled.

00:34:31.000 Those Italian stories and delivery hit me.

00:34:37.000 I almost feel like I'm related to him, and he's just this funny guy.

00:34:42.000 Did I tell you what happened with his cousin?

00:34:44.000 Uh-uh.

00:34:45.000 Dude.

00:34:46.000 So somebody tells me, hey, I heard Sebastian's house got robbed.

00:34:51.000 And I'm like, what?

00:34:53.000 So I text him.

00:34:55.000 And he said, no, it's actually my cousin.

00:34:58.000 He has the exact same name as me.

00:35:00.000 And two guys broke into his house and he fought one of them on a security camera and then went inside and shot the other one.

00:35:07.000 Killed the guy. 1.00

00:35:08.000 Yeah, the guy pulled a gun on him in his fucking house. 1.00

00:35:12.000 And so the guy who he beat up gets charged for murder. 0.99

00:35:21.000 Because when you commit a crime and it causes someone to die, you get charged for the actual death.

00:35:28.000 Isn't that crazy?

00:35:30.000 Wow.

00:35:31.000 Cousin of comics, Sebastian Manasako.

00:35:33.000 And there's video of these guys breaking into his door.

00:35:38.000 It's really crazy.

00:35:39.000 Like you can see the video of he comes storming out with the guy and he's fighting with this home invader guy.

00:35:46.000 And meanwhile, there's another guy inside his house with his family.

00:35:49.000 So here he is.

00:35:50.000 He's fighting with this guy.

00:35:51.000 He's got no shoes on, right?

00:35:53.000 That looks like he has no shoes on, right?

00:35:54.000 Right. 0.98

00:35:55.000 He's just beating the fuck out of this guy. 0.90

00:35:57.000 And apparently he practices martial arts. 0.96

00:36:00.000 He's a big look-see-do practitioner.

00:36:02.000 Yeah.

00:36:03.000 It's not the Tai Chi.

00:36:05.000 So then he goes inside. 0.99

00:36:06.000 He beats the fuck out of that guy. 0.94

00:36:07.000 That guy runs off. 1.00

00:36:08.000 He goes inside and then he kills a guy.

00:36:11.000 I believe he took the guy's gun from him and shot him.

00:36:14.000 I think that's what happened.

00:36:15.000 I'm not sure though.

00:36:18.000 I believe somebody told me that.

00:36:19.000 How did the guy die?

00:36:21.000 Let's see if we can find it.

00:36:22.000 Did they think that it was Sebastian Maniscalco?

00:36:25.000 Well, somebody did.

00:36:26.000 That's why they contacted me and they said, hey, Sebastian's house got broken into.

00:36:30.000 I was like, what?

00:36:31.000 So I called him.

00:36:33.000 I texted him.

00:36:34.000 The whole thing's really crazy, though.

00:36:39.000 Okay.

00:37:00.000 After Manasako chased off the first guy, Finan, he retrieved his own gun and fatally shot Brog's axe in the abdomen.

00:37:08.000 Wow.

00:37:10.000 Jesus Christ.

00:37:11.000 So the guy had a gun pointed at his family.

00:37:15.000 And he used his own gun.

00:37:17.000 Oh yeah, it's in Illinois, so that's where he's originally from.

00:37:20.000 They must have thought it was actually Sebastian Maniscalco, the comedian.

00:37:25.000 So the other guy has been captured and faces murder charges under an Illinois statute that allows for such crimes to be leveled against suspects if they take part in a felony offense that leads to another person's death.

00:37:38.000 Man. 0.79

00:37:38.000 Crazy. 0.79

00:37:39.000 Fuck, man. 1.00

00:37:40.000 You know, and that's why people have guns. 1.00

00:37:42.000 You know, and nobody wants to hear that story.

00:37:44.000 You don't want to hear that story, because that story's a pro-gun story.

00:37:47.000 You know, it's anti-gun because someone tried to rob the guy's house with a gun, but it's pro-gun, and if he didn't have a gun, what would have happened?

00:37:57.000 Yeah, it's anti-gun because someone used a gun in a robbery.

00:38:00.000 But it's pro, if he didn't have a gun, maybe his family would be dead.

00:38:04.000 You have to be able to see both sides.

00:38:06.000 Because the gun control argument is such a weird one.

00:38:09.000 People, like, they dig heels in.

00:38:11.000 Left people dig on this side. 0.65

00:38:13.000 They have, like, a set of beliefs that you're allowed to have.

00:38:16.000 And then the people on the right dig on another side.

00:38:18.000 You know, the Second Amendment is right.

00:38:21.000 It's not a privilege.

00:38:22.000 You know, we own this.

00:38:23.000 And this is...

00:38:24.000 And the media definitely doesn't cover it when it goes right with guns.

00:38:30.000 They did here because it's Sebastian's cousin.

00:38:32.000 Right.

00:38:32.000 But it's not like, if it went the other way, you know, if some people got shot to death inside their home, it would be an anti-gun argument.

00:38:40.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:38:41.000 Which is interesting because if you have a gun like he did, the people broke into his house and he was able to protect his family.

00:38:48.000 That's the best case scenario for gun ownership.

00:38:50.000 Well, the best case scenario is never having to use it and the next best is being able to use it to protect your family because that's what it's there for.

00:38:57.000 So it's actually a pro-gun story.

00:39:02.000 It would be an anti-gun story if he didn't have a gun.

00:39:07.000 That's what's crazy.

00:39:07.000 If he didn't have a gun and the guy shot his family, it would be an anti-gun story.

00:39:12.000 But because he had a gun, it's a pro-gun story.

00:39:15.000 Isn't that interesting?

00:39:16.000 Yeah.

00:39:17.000 You saw the one with the church where the guy went in for a mass shooting and the guy standing against the back wall of the church had a gun too and just got him right away.

00:39:26.000 Yeah, an armed trained man with a gun.

00:39:30.000 I know a guy in Vegas.

00:39:32.000 He got carjacked recently.

00:39:34.000 And he's like a competitive shooter.

00:39:38.000 I mean, he has videos of him practicing shooting with pistols.

00:39:42.000 He's a marksman, incredible fast draw, and he killed this guy in a gunfight.

00:39:47.000 That's a pro-gun story. 0.83

00:39:49.000 I pulled a gun on him.

00:39:52.000 And he could have lost his life.

00:39:53.000 Instead, he survived because he had a gun.

00:39:56.000 It's one of those things.

00:39:58.000 Guns are one of those things like being a person. 1.00

00:40:01.000 Being a person is weird.

00:40:02.000 It's not clear.

00:40:04.000 We're not numbers.

00:40:05.000 It fluctuates.

00:40:08.000 What we are, the way we live, fluctuates.

00:40:10.000 Right now, things are weird.

00:40:12.000 Almost all of our decisions that we have to make about everything.

00:40:15.000 I'm like, well, if we just open up the country, we're going to lose a lot of people.

00:40:20.000 You know, we should maybe hold it back.

00:40:22.000 And then the other argument, if we don't open up the country, we're going to lose a lot of people.

00:40:26.000 So what are we going to do?

00:40:28.000 We're going to let the people die because of despair and homelessness and suicide, drug addiction, because they've lost everything.

00:40:35.000 There's going to be those two.

00:40:36.000 It's like everything else, man.

00:40:38.000 All things involving people.

00:40:42.000 Well, there's this and that.

00:40:44.000 There's a lot of stuff like this that people want to have a definitive answer.

00:40:50.000 Like, you know, are we waiting too long to open up?

00:40:53.000 Is Florida jumping in too quick?

00:40:55.000 Who's right?

00:40:56.000 Who's wrong? 0.99

00:40:56.000 We don't fucking know! 0.99

00:40:59.000 These are educated guesses. 0.99

00:41:00.000 But it's just one of those things of being a person.

00:41:04.000 When things get started up again and no one knows what the future is going to be, there's just a lot of predicting.

00:41:09.000 We're not right all the time.

00:41:12.000 It's just especially scary because the news is so picky and choosy and weird about how they're covering things.

00:41:18.000 It seems like it's almost all bad news now on the cable news programs.

00:41:23.000 Yeah.

00:41:25.000 Well, that's where they get the most money.

00:41:27.000 It's like they're being rewarded for it. 0.98

00:41:30.000 But I mean, I understand from their perspective is that they only have an hour and there's a lot of fucking bad news. 0.98

00:41:34.000 You know, when you're getting all the bad news from seven billion people plus around the world, a lot of it's going to suck. 0.97

00:41:40.000 You only have an hour.

00:41:42.000 Things are happening 24 hours a day.

00:41:44.000 The news itself as like a show is really preposterous.

00:41:47.000 Yeah.

00:41:47.000 Like, oh, we're going to condense it all into an hour.

00:41:50.000 But isn't it the real stuff that's happening?

00:41:53.000 How can it be condensed at all?

00:41:55.000 And do you have to do that anymore?

00:41:57.000 Do you know when this guy has this show and that guy has that show and the show goes for an hour and they're going to cover these details and show you what went wrong?

00:42:05.000 There's so many things that went wrong.

00:42:06.000 If you just want to concentrate on things that went wrong, you could do it 24 hours a day and never run out of material.

00:42:13.000 But you gotta almost kind of, is that the world?

00:42:17.000 Is it things that went wrong?

00:42:18.000 Is that the world? 0.99

00:42:20.000 Or is the world like a lot of shit that went right? 0.99

00:42:22.000 Like when we're hearing the news, all they really want to discuss There's the things that are going to freak you the fuck out. 0.99

00:42:29.000 There's not a whole lot dedicated to making you feel good about our prospects.

00:42:34.000 It does control a lot of how the people who watch it think about things because they're really influential.

00:42:43.000 They're wearing makeup.

00:42:44.000 There's a spotlight on them.

00:42:46.000 And it says news and it has a ticker.

00:42:48.000 And we're meant to believe that we can trust them.

00:42:51.000 Good lord.

00:42:53.000 It's hard to trust anybody.

00:42:55.000 It's hard to trust anybody when things are weird.

00:42:59.000 You know, you don't know who's telling the truth.

00:43:02.000 Like, oh my god, there's so many different things that are going on all at once right now, right?

00:43:06.000 They're trying to figure out if the disease came from a lab, you know, did they accidentally release this thing?

00:43:15.000 China's mad at us, and we're mad at China, and all these countries are gonna sue China.

00:43:20.000 Like there's so many things that are bouncing around in sort of the global consciousness that you have to pay attention to.

00:43:27.000 I heard Kim Jong-un was sick.

00:43:29.000 Oh my god, he might die.

00:43:31.000 They flew in Chinese doctors.

00:43:32.000 His sister might take over. 0.85

00:43:34.000 And then we gotta pay attention to the sister.

00:43:35.000 She looks mean, man.

00:43:36.000 The sister looks mean. 0.96

00:43:38.000 Like, that kind of stuff is, if you absorb what's in the media, that kind of stuff will literally change the way you view the world, and that will change the way you act in the world, and that will literally make things suck.

00:43:53.000 It'll make things suck more if you go out and only concentrate on things that are terrible.

00:43:59.000 Another show that's up there with Ozarks for me now is Succession.

00:44:03.000 And that is about a very rich family that owns their own cable news channel.

00:44:09.000 Oh God.

00:44:10.000 And very, very interesting to see from that perspective.

00:44:16.000 Not to say that it's completely accurate, but...

00:44:21.000 I mean, they have control if they want something promoted or left out.

00:44:26.000 It's just that easy, like you said.

00:44:28.000 They're smashing it all into an hour, even though it keeps running, but like an hour program.

00:44:32.000 It's so easy just to decide what you leave out.

00:44:35.000 It does so much for something, or a story, or a product, or a stock, or anything that you invest in, or own yourself, or anything like that.

00:44:46.000 Yeah.

00:44:49.000 Yeah, Succession's a really great one for sort of, it's almost like a House of Cards-esque view.

00:44:54.000 How they let you into the presidency, they let you into a cable news network.

00:45:02.000 Like, they had that one with Jeff Daniels, the newsroom or whatever, but that was sort of janky.

00:45:06.000 Oh yeah, that was the one where he would go on these rants.

00:45:08.000 Yeah.

00:45:09.000 They're pretty good, but a guy rants that well all the time, like, hey bro, you planning this?

00:45:14.000 Right.

00:45:17.000 Like, what kind of human being do you want to hear go on these perfectly worded rants all the time?

00:45:23.000 You know?

00:45:25.000 Wasn't that weird?

00:45:26.000 Like, that was his thing.

00:45:27.000 Like, that was his soft kung fu. 0.87

00:45:28.000 His soft martial art was these rants.

00:45:31.000 He would bust them out like Tai Chi in the park.

00:45:34.000 And you'd be like, come on, no one talks like this.

00:45:36.000 You have conversations with people.

00:45:37.000 You don't just go on these crazy rants.

00:45:40.000 Right?

00:45:40.000 Yeah.

00:45:42.000 Isn't that interesting that they'll try that with a character?

00:45:44.000 When a guy's really good at rants, like, you should just do this all the time.

00:45:47.000 Like, every movie with Al Pacino has to have some kind of rant!

00:45:54.000 Right?

00:45:55.000 Always.

00:45:55.000 That's part of who he is.

00:45:58.000 He's the guy that has a monologue where everybody's standing around going...

00:46:02.000 And he'll start yelling at you because he's the devil or whatever.

00:46:05.000 Yeah.

00:46:05.000 I was going to say the devil's advocate is the best one of that because he literally just gets crazier and crazier.

00:46:11.000 I wish we could play it.

00:46:12.000 I wish we could play it.

00:46:14.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:46:16.000 He was a fucking wizard, man. 1.00

00:46:18.000 Who was better in his prime than Al Pacino? 1.00

00:46:21.000 Think about Scarface. 0.99

00:46:23.000 Goddamn. 1.00

00:46:23.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:46:24.000 Have you seen The Irishman?

00:46:26.000 No, I haven't seen it yet.

00:46:27.000 They got rough reviews, but I loved it, man.

00:46:31.000 I was shocked because I had super low expectations.

00:46:34.000 I actually put it on thinking I was going to fall asleep or something.

00:46:38.000 It was one of those where I'm like, I'm just going to throw this on.

00:46:40.000 I heard it wasn't that great.

00:46:42.000 Oh, and I was up the whole time.

00:46:44.000 I was amped, dude.

00:46:45.000 If you love Martin Scorsese, you're going to love this movie.

00:46:49.000 It's like Scorsese doing his, you know, it's just great.

00:46:54.000 Plus, Sebastian's in it.

00:46:56.000 Al Pacino destroys.

00:46:58.000 Is that Jerry Seinfeld's brother?

00:46:59.000 Look at this cast.

00:47:01.000 Ray Romano.

00:47:02.000 Ray Romano.

00:47:03.000 Is that Ray? 1.00

00:47:03.000 Kills it. 1.00

00:47:04.000 He looks so weird with that outfit on.

00:47:06.000 I didn't even recognize him.

00:47:08.000 That's a weird picture and he's in the dark.

00:47:10.000 Alright, I didn't watch it.

00:47:11.000 I'll watch it. 0.99

00:47:12.000 I did hear some fucked up reviews. 0.99

00:47:14.000 Oh, you know what? 0.98

00:47:16.000 I'm glad I heard bad reviews before watching this because it really lowered my expectations and I spent the whole time going, this is so great.

00:47:26.000 Why'd they say it was bad?

00:47:27.000 What were they saying was bad about it?

00:47:29.000 I just heard bad.

00:47:30.000 Isn't that funny how easy you are to convince?

00:47:33.000 I really didn't look into it.

00:47:35.000 I didn't ask my friends.

00:47:37.000 I was like, oh, someone said it's bad.

00:47:39.000 I liked it.

00:47:40.000 It was good.

00:47:40.000 I loved it.

00:47:41.000 Look at Sebastian.

00:47:43.000 He kills it in this movie. 0.95

00:47:44.000 He plays the crazy Joe Gallo. 0.91

00:47:46.000 Oh, does he really?

00:47:48.000 That's the opposite of the character you guys were saying.

00:47:49.000 He's such a nice guy.

00:47:50.000 Exactly. 0.81

00:47:51.000 He's not so silly at all in this movie. 0.99

00:47:54.000 He plays a fucking badass, which is so cool. 0.97

00:47:56.000 I love it when comedians have those contrasting characters. 0.99

00:48:01.000 Yeah.

00:48:01.000 Well, Jim Carrey did that a lot, right?

00:48:03.000 Jim Carrey played some crazy characters.

00:48:06.000 Yeah.

00:48:07.000 Well, the cable guy was still pretty funny.

00:48:09.000 It's still kind of funny, but it was real dark.

00:48:11.000 The Truman Show was a good one.

00:48:13.000 That's a good one.

00:48:14.000 Yeah.

00:48:14.000 Yeah, that was a real good one.

00:48:15.000 That is everybody's life now.

00:48:18.000 Everybody with Instagram live.

00:48:19.000 That's their life now, you know?

00:48:21.000 That's a great movie to re-watch and look at all the little details, where all the little cameras are, why they're showing you things.

00:48:29.000 The Truman Show's a smart, cool movie.

00:48:31.000 I just found out I was looking into the guy that wrote it.

00:48:33.000 He wrote some cool movies that we've talked almost similarly about.

00:48:37.000 Gattaca, like the topics of Gattaca.

00:48:39.000 Oh, wow.

00:48:39.000 That really cool movie, if you've never seen it, called Lord of War with Nicolas Cage, where he plays like an arms dealer.

00:48:44.000 Yeah, I think I saw that.

00:48:45.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:48:46.000 No shit. 0.99

00:48:47.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:48:48.000 Nicolas Cage is going to play Joe Exotic.

00:48:49.000 Oh, I love it.

00:48:50.000 I love it.

00:48:52.000 They need to speed this up and just get it done.

00:48:55.000 Figure out a way.

00:48:56.000 Oh, please God.

00:48:57.000 Please God.

00:48:59.000 Put these cameramen in hazmat suits and film it.

00:49:01.000 I just want Joe Exotic to be let out of jail.

00:49:04.000 That's what I want.

00:49:05.000 We need a season two. 0.97

00:49:07.000 Come on, Trump.

00:49:09.000 Let's go.

00:49:10.000 Pardon that dude.

00:49:11.000 I'm not buying it.

00:49:12.000 I think they railroaded him!

00:49:14.000 For sure.

00:49:15.000 The guy admits it.

00:49:16.000 That other zoo owner guy admits it.

00:49:19.000 Yeah.

00:49:20.000 Yeah, he said they railroaded him, right?

00:49:21.000 Yeah.

00:49:22.000 It's all weird, man. 1.00

00:49:24.000 Like, he definitely did a lot of stupid shit. 1.00

00:49:27.000 You know? 1.00

00:49:28.000 He definitely terrorized that lady.

00:49:31.000 But it seems like she might have killed her husband, too.

00:49:33.000 Yeah.

00:49:34.000 That seems like that's a possibility.

00:49:37.000 They need to open that case.

00:49:39.000 Well, it seems like...

00:49:41.000 It's the only thing everybody on that show agrees on.

00:49:44.000 Once someone just disappears like that, is that really the picture?

00:49:48.000 Well, that's hitting Nicolas Cage from a long time ago, son.

00:49:51.000 He doesn't look that good right now.

00:49:53.000 Yeah, that's probably 15, 20 years old.

00:49:59.000 That's crazy.

00:50:00.000 He's going to be perfect for that role.

00:50:02.000 Remember him in Raising Arizona? 0.98

00:50:05.000 Fucking great, man. 0.98

00:50:06.000 So good. 0.99

00:50:07.000 He was great in that movie.

00:50:09.000 That is a great movie. 1.00

00:50:10.000 That's a fun fucking movie. 1.00

00:50:12.000 Raising Arizona. 1.00

00:50:14.000 Is that Con Air, I think?

00:50:16.000 Was that what it's from?

00:50:17.000 Con Air.

00:50:21.000 The world of blockbuster movies.

00:50:23.000 What a weird world that must be, being one of them guys.

00:50:26.000 I can't wait to see that.

00:50:28.000 I wonder how they're going to play that.

00:50:30.000 Or write that.

00:50:31.000 It's not going to be as good as the real thing.

00:50:34.000 Right.

00:50:34.000 Let him out of jail!

00:50:35.000 Come on.

00:50:36.000 Get together all your Netflix money.

00:50:38.000 Hire a good lawyer.

00:50:40.000 Let him out of jail.

00:50:41.000 He was just impossible to stop watching.

00:50:43.000 He feels bad and he won't do it again.

00:50:46.000 Let him out.

00:50:48.000 Let him out and let's see what kind of straight guys he can convert.

00:50:53.000 That guy must be some sort of hypnotist.

00:50:55.000 Heck yeah. 1.00

00:50:56.000 He's like a gay guy and a homophobe at the same time. 1.00

00:51:01.000 He has a gun, toting a gun. 1.00

00:51:03.000 He's got his own zoo. 1.00

00:51:04.000 He's a tough guy in the middle of Oklahoma that is gay as hell. 1.00

00:51:08.000 Bro, he held it together when that cat was dragging him by his foot. 0.99

00:51:12.000 He pulled off his gun and he shot and didn't even shoot the cat.

00:51:16.000 He shot and shot away from the cat. 1.00

00:51:18.000 That is a person who knows how to handle shit under pressure. 1.00

00:51:23.000 In front of a camera. 1.00

00:51:24.000 In front of a camera. 0.99

00:51:25.000 You can almost hear him say, God damn line if they weren't filming this. 0.99

00:51:28.000 He's got to be aware of how famous he is right now, right? 0.99

00:51:31.000 Yeah.

00:51:31.000 I don't think he really, really knows.

00:51:33.000 He probably has an idea, but he's not out, right?

00:51:36.000 I bet the guards taunt him.

00:51:38.000 Hey bro, you're like the most famous guy in America. 1.00

00:51:40.000 And here's your fucking lunch. 1.00

00:51:44.000 He slides over some terrible meatloaf. 1.00

00:51:47.000 Got him in solitary.

00:51:49.000 I don't know, man.

00:51:50.000 She had a husband that just disappeared, and he conveniently left her the whole business, all the money, all of his documents had been altered previous to his death.

00:52:05.000 There's so much of it that you're like, what?

00:52:07.000 And she, oh, she has like 100 tigers. 1.00

00:52:12.000 Crazy.

00:52:13.000 Whatever, whatever.

00:52:14.000 That's not even, I mean, the guy's missing and she's devastated.

00:52:17.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:52:18.000 Can you imagine your wife chopping you up, feeding you to a fucking pit full of tigers? 1.00

00:52:23.000 Like a Conan movie. 1.00

00:52:25.000 What better way to get rid of a body, really? 1.00

00:52:28.000 Pigs. 0.99

00:52:30.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:52:30.000 Yeah, pigs who probably wouldn't leave any of it. 0.99

00:52:33.000 Maybe, you know, cats might do it too, eventually. 0.71

00:52:36.000 They might chew through the bones. 0.96

00:52:37.000 I wonder if they do that.

00:52:39.000 Wolves definitely do.

00:52:40.000 Wolves chew right through bones, which is really crazy if you think about it.

00:52:45.000 They're chewing through a moose bone.

00:52:49.000 The Tiger Park reopened over the weekend.

00:52:52.000 Congratulations.

00:52:54.000 Large crowds.

00:52:55.000 GW Zoo?

00:52:56.000 Of course!

00:52:56.000 Really?

00:52:57.000 It's fucking huge now. 0.99

00:52:58.000 It's a reality show. 0.98

00:53:00.000 I saw an article where the lady that got her arm bitten off in that documentary. 1.00

00:53:05.000 It's a man, you piece of shit. 1.00

00:53:06.000 Oh, it is? 1.00

00:53:07.000 Yes!

00:53:08.000 Jesus Christ, you just misgendered her.

00:53:10.000 I apologize to the zookeeper there.

00:53:13.000 Everyone, Tony's been under a lot of stress.

00:53:15.000 He's been trapped at home.

00:53:16.000 He hasn't done stand-up in six weeks.

00:53:17.000 He didn't mean it.

00:53:18.000 But I saw an article that just came out yesterday that said that she thinks the zoos shouldn't open because the tigers could give it to each other.

00:53:28.000 They don't have a way of distancing the tigers.

00:53:31.000 LOL. Do they even know if it goes to tigers?

00:53:35.000 No.

00:53:37.000 There was one thing that said that it did, that one tested positive.

00:53:42.000 I wonder how it affects them.

00:53:45.000 Maybe they just carry it and it doesn't affect them.

00:53:49.000 I don't know.

00:53:50.000 Well, I was telling you, Jamie, while we were talking about this before, the different groups of people that, in the weirdest, weirdest way, are asymptomatic.

00:54:02.000 That thing that I sent you, did I send that to you, Jamie?

00:54:05.000 No.

00:54:05.000 Let me pull it up.

00:54:06.000 One of them was about, I think it was a meatpacking plant, and they had some insane number of employees tested positive, all of them asymptomatic.

00:54:18.000 I know I have it in here somewhere.

00:54:20.000 If you just give me a second, I'll find it.

00:54:23.000 I got a pork plant in Missouri.

00:54:27.000 Yes, that's exactly where it is.

00:54:28.000 And that's the place Missouri just opened up concerts.

00:54:31.000 They're like, let's do it!

00:54:33.000 So here it is.

00:54:36.000 370 workers at a pork plant in Missouri tested positive for coronavirus.

00:54:41.000 All of them were asymptomatic.

00:54:43.000 All of them.

00:54:45.000 That is the work of a boss that gets everybody to work and tells them all to lie.

00:54:50.000 You never had any symptoms.

00:54:52.000 That could be true, huh?

00:54:54.000 Right?

00:54:54.000 That's possible.

00:54:56.000 That's totally possible.

00:54:58.000 That's totally possible.

00:55:00.000 Yeah, you gotta take that into consideration.

00:55:02.000 We're all getting trouble.

00:55:04.000 But if they were all there and they tested them, would they have been able to tell if any of them were exhibiting any symptoms?

00:55:13.000 Yeah, that might be a thing, right?

00:55:14.000 They might be influenced to not say it.

00:55:16.000 It's hard to say.

00:55:17.000 Yeah, you know, when you look at something that's that, that's a good point.

00:55:21.000 You nailed it there, dude.

00:55:22.000 When you look at something that's that wild, like all of you, no one felt anything and still worked?

00:55:27.000 If not, we all need to move to Missouri.

00:55:30.000 Right.

00:55:32.000 Huh.

00:55:33.000 Yeah, you can't tell, right?

00:55:35.000 You can't tell.

00:55:36.000 Like, you can't just say...

00:55:37.000 And the other one was prisoners.

00:55:39.000 There was a group of prisoners that...

00:55:42.000 I'll see if I can find you.

00:55:43.000 I'll pull that article up for you.

00:55:45.000 A group of prisoners, and they tested them, and some insane number, like 96% of them.

00:55:50.000 98%?

00:55:51.000 Yeah.

00:55:51.000 98% tested.

00:55:55.000 98% were asymptomatic.

00:56:00.000 So...

00:56:01.000 Was thinking about this and God forget who I was talking to this about this they were talking about I think was Kyle Kulinski, and we're talking about Your immune system that your immune system when you're in a place like a prison is probably super strong Because there's so many people around you.

00:56:20.000 You're always interacting with all this different bacteria whereas if you just like Live by yourself in an apartment like you've quarantined for these five weeks and then you're gonna go back out into the world.

00:56:31.000 Your immune system is like your cardiovascular system.

00:56:35.000 It's like you don't use it.

00:56:37.000 So because you don't use it, it's weak.

00:56:38.000 Right.

00:56:39.000 Your cardiovascular system, if you're exercising all the time, you boost your capacity.

00:56:43.000 And he was thinking that like that's probably what it's like in prison, too.

00:56:47.000 I was like, oh, that makes a lot of sense.

00:56:50.000 Like we would think the prison would be really unhealthy. 0.93

00:56:53.000 And it probably is for your mind and your body because you're getting shitty food.

00:57:00.000 But for your immune system, it might actually be quite a workout, right?

00:57:05.000 Yeah.

00:57:05.000 As long as you're getting enough nutrition, they probably have to feed them some sort of balanced diets, right?

00:57:12.000 I mean, I would imagine.

00:57:13.000 How bad do you think prison food is?

00:57:15.000 Pretty bad.

00:57:16.000 Pretty bad.

00:57:18.000 Like, are there requirements?

00:57:19.000 What kind of nutrition they have to provide to them? 1.00

00:57:21.000 I don't know.

00:57:24.000 That's weird.

00:57:25.000 Yeah.

00:57:25.000 Like, how bad?

00:57:26.000 I mean, it must be terrible.

00:57:28.000 Who's complaining? 0.99

00:57:29.000 Like, if they're complaining, this food sucks. 0.95

00:57:31.000 Like, no one's hearing you, bro. 0.89

00:57:32.000 Yeah.

00:57:32.000 You're inside a cage.

00:57:34.000 You don't get a cell phone.

00:57:35.000 You don't get nothing.

00:57:37.000 You get to go outside and make calls that last, like, seven minutes.

00:57:40.000 And then you get to put more coins in, do it again.

00:57:43.000 And you stand there in the hallway having these conversations.

00:57:46.000 These once-a-week conversations with your friends. 0.96

00:57:49.000 Crazy. 0.98

00:57:50.000 Crazy. 1.00

00:57:51.000 What's fucked up about prison is, like, I don't think it works. 0.99

00:57:54.000 You know, it's like, I don't want to compare people to dogs, but I'm gonna. 0.99

00:57:59.000 We've talked about this before, that, like, if you get a dog, and I've rescued dogs that were just, they were older, and they'd seen too much shit, and by the time you get to them, they're all fucked up. 0.99

00:58:08.000 You know, they growl at people, they snap at people, like... 0.99

00:58:12.000 If you've got a rescue dog that wants to bite people, you can't.

00:58:15.000 You want a puppy, so that when you raise the puppy, you can teach the puppy that you love it, and this is family, and everybody's cool, and you've got to listen to the rules, though. 0.99

00:58:23.000 You can't shit in the house. 0.99

00:58:24.000 And then you teach it, and then it becomes like this... 0.99

00:58:27.000 I think, in a way, it's really hard to train an older dog.

00:58:31.000 I know some people are experts at it, but I think they just don't want to learn.

00:58:35.000 And... 1.00

00:58:36.000 Their life has just been fucked over by people and if you get a like a seven-year-old eight-year-old pound dog that's been abused like oh Fuck that poor dog. 0.99

00:58:46.000 They don't want and it's almost like with some humans the abuse that life throws at us from the time you're young You're kind of like trying to deal with it as you get older and maybe fix yourself and To try to like balance your own self out, 0.99

00:59:02.000 but every now and then you'll forget How easy you have it in comparison to some people. 0.97

00:59:08.000 Like if you see some people's lives where it's just poverty and crime and like fucking everyone around them was either a criminal or on drugs and it's like fucking everywhere you look you see despair. 0.99

00:59:21.000 You don't see any happiness. 0.85

00:59:24.000 For someone to come through that, to have the same expectations as they have someone who came through even like my childhood, which was not that bad.

00:59:32.000 My childhood was a little weird, but it wasn't bad.

00:59:34.000 No one was, you know, no one was abusive to me. 0.85

00:59:38.000 When someone's abusive to you and then all of a sudden you find yourself, you're 32 and you're trying to get your shit together, but you just, you have visions of being raped or beaten by your uncles and, you know, whatever the fuck it is that's inside your head that just like all day defines you. 0.97

00:59:51.000 Yeah. 0.97

00:59:55.000 It's so hard for people to turn gears.

01:00:00.000 It's so hard for people that have just said, you know what, I'm just going to numb myself with pills.

01:00:05.000 Those guys, I'm just going to numb myself.

01:00:07.000 It's so hard for those guys to get out of that.

01:00:10.000 It's so hard to go, no, I'm going to run every day and eat healthy food and I'm going to drink only water.

01:00:16.000 That's hard.

01:00:17.000 That's way harder than just taking oxys.

01:00:20.000 So, so many people just want to slide.

01:00:21.000 If you meet a guy and he's like 31 and he's taking oxy, he's like, how much can you change him?

01:00:27.000 You have to be so, so driven to change yourself.

01:00:36.000 And a lot of people just aren't.

01:00:39.000 Yeah, it's hard to do that stuff if you're not in the routine of doing that anyway.

01:00:45.000 Exercise and drink water.

01:00:46.000 Just be healthy.

01:00:47.000 Go to sleep early.

01:00:48.000 It's hard. 0.99

01:00:49.000 It's fucking hard to do. 0.98

01:00:50.000 It's hard to not be self-destructive. 0.99

01:00:51.000 Yeah.

01:00:52.000 But with people, the crazy thing is sometimes they can do it.

01:00:56.000 Sometimes you can get a guy who's 32, hooked on heroin, and then 10 years later he's running marathons and writing books and super positive, eating healthy, and now he has a family and he's a different person.

01:01:07.000 That does happen too.

01:01:08.000 That's the thing about people.

01:01:10.000 It's like some of us get through, like how many people run 100 miles?

01:01:14.000 Not many, but I know like three or four.

01:01:17.000 You know what I mean?

01:01:18.000 Like it's not, it's not, there's not that many, but some people do it. 0.98

01:01:22.000 And I almost think, like, getting your shit together is a lot like running 100 miles. 0.97

01:01:26.000 Like, everyone can do it if you just force yourself to do it. 0.99

01:01:30.000 But it's fucking hard to run 100 miles. 0.90

01:01:33.000 I can only imagine how hard. 0.99

01:01:34.000 I've never done it.

01:01:35.000 I would imagine. 0.98

01:01:36.000 Fucking hard to run 100 miles. 0.99

01:01:38.000 Well, it's fucking hard to get your life together, too. 0.99

01:01:40.000 Both things are hard, but some people do. 0.99

01:01:42.000 Less people run 100 miles than get their shit together, though. 0.79

01:01:46.000 So it seems to be easier than running 100 miles by my measurements. 0.99

01:01:49.000 Yeah.

01:01:50.000 Still hard though. 0.99

01:01:51.000 It's fucking hard. 0.98

01:01:53.000 It's hard to run a mile. 0.99

01:01:54.000 For sure.

01:01:55.000 Tell people to run a mile.

01:01:56.000 Most people are just like, what?

01:01:57.000 A mile?

01:01:57.000 No problem.

01:01:58.000 Bitch, go run a mile. 1.00

01:01:59.000 Go run a mile. 1.00

01:02:01.000 Not shuffle.

01:02:03.000 Not little.

01:02:04.000 No, I want you to move your body.

01:02:06.000 I want you to spring bounce, spring bounce. 0.84

01:02:08.000 Let's keep going one mile.

01:02:10.000 It's hard.

01:02:11.000 It's not easy.

01:02:12.000 And it changes depending on anything as easy as your last meal.

01:02:16.000 Yes.

01:02:16.000 Oh, dude.

01:02:17.000 Get a bowl of spaghetti and try to go for a run.

01:02:19.000 Especially like meatballs.

01:02:21.000 Those breaded meatballs.

01:02:23.000 Oh, my God.

01:02:23.000 That's another thing I've gotten better at during this quarantine.

01:02:27.000 Oh, dude.

01:02:29.000 Oh, dude.

01:02:29.000 I gotta give you some elk.

01:02:30.000 Yes, absolutely.

01:02:32.000 Please do.

01:02:33.000 All I want is pictures.

01:02:34.000 Take pictures.

01:02:34.000 For sure.

01:02:35.000 Take some food porn for me. 0.88

01:02:37.000 Absolutely. 0.97

01:02:38.000 Ready to go. 0.99

01:02:38.000 I actually fucking... 0.99

01:02:40.000 There's this farmer's market right by where I live. 0.98

01:02:44.000 The original LA farmer's market.

01:02:46.000 And so they have like multiple butcher shops.

01:02:48.000 And I was going to...

01:02:50.000 I was going to different ones when this whole thing first started and trying out different things and different combinations of basically remaking each week my mom's meat sauce, which is different than a regular sauce that has meatballs and this and that.

01:03:04.000 Anyway, and I kept testing out these different concoctions and one time I nailed it and it really tasted like hers.

01:03:12.000 And I went back to that butcher shop and did it again and I said to the guy, I go...

01:03:17.000 Yeah, that stuff I made last week came out just like my mom's.

01:03:20.000 And he goes, where are you from?

01:03:21.000 I said Youngstown.

01:03:23.000 And it turns out that that butcher shop was and is from originally there and that it is the same.

01:03:30.000 It's basically the same place.

01:03:32.000 It's all the same meat or cut or whatever they do or how they do it was the same thing.

01:03:38.000 What are you putting in your sauce?

01:03:41.000 How are you doing when you say meat sauce?

01:03:42.000 Are you using ground beef?

01:03:44.000 A percentage of ground beef, basically like 50% ground beef, 25% hot ground up Italian sausage, and 25% pork.

01:03:53.000 Wow.

01:03:54.000 You have a formula.

01:03:55.000 Oh yeah, baby.

01:03:57.000 And it's been something that I've been tweaking here and there. 0.97

01:03:59.000 It comes out fucking good now. 0.93

01:04:01.000 So you're getting all the food, all the meat from this one place? 0.99

01:04:06.000 Well, now I get my sausage and my pork from there and the ground beef from the other place.

01:04:11.000 I have it all figured out now. 1.00

01:04:13.000 So you're like getting deep into this shit. 1.00

01:04:15.000 Oh yeah. 1.00

01:04:16.000 What else are you cooking?

01:04:18.000 Well, I mean, really, I'm a big sucker for pasta.

01:04:21.000 So it's like a lot of different types of sauces and experimentations, like the vodka sauce with like a pinker sauce.

01:04:28.000 Do you think people hate you because you're so slim and beautiful and yet you eat pasta all day?

01:04:33.000 I mean, if they only knew how much pasta.

01:04:35.000 I eat so much pasta, it's crazy.

01:04:39.000 I eat pasta like one of those TLC shows where people can't get out of bed without eating pasta. 1.00

01:04:46.000 I am an 800-pound man in this fucking toothpick body. 1.00

01:04:51.000 You're a great eater. 1.00

01:04:52.000 When we do shows and then eat after shows, you eat like a motherfucker. 1.00

01:04:55.000 I'm always proud of myself when I take down more than you. 1.00

01:04:58.000 I'm always like, yeah, I'm a real fucking man. 0.99

01:05:01.000 I'm a man. 0.99

01:05:02.000 You know who could eat us both under the table, who could literally eat the same amount both of us would eat?

01:05:06.000 Who?

01:05:07.000 Ari Shafir.

01:05:08.000 Oh, yeah.

01:05:08.000 At Fogo de Chao.

01:05:09.000 Because it's not free.

01:05:12.000 You pay, but it's all you can eat.

01:05:13.000 All I need to get my money's worth.

01:05:15.000 Well, for him, I'm serious.

01:05:17.000 If the food keeps coming, he's going to keep eating it.

01:05:19.000 If it doesn't cost anything, because it's green when you want to go, like when you want to keep it, they come around with these plates full of all this crazy meats and sausages and chicken legs and all this different stuff, and they just keep coming, and you can just take as much as you want, and then when you've got to tap out, you flip your coin over to red.

01:05:35.000 He's so cheap, he takes that coin with him.

01:05:39.000 Ari just eats.

01:05:41.000 He just eats.

01:05:42.000 It's great.

01:05:42.000 We're stunned afterwards.

01:05:43.000 Everyone's sitting around.

01:05:44.000 Joey Diaz is done.

01:05:45.000 I'm done.

01:05:46.000 Duncan's done.

01:05:46.000 We're staring at him.

01:05:47.000 He's like, I'm not going to stop.

01:05:49.000 Why should I stop?

01:05:50.000 They're going to keep bringing it.

01:05:52.000 If you keep bringing it, I'm going to keep eating it.

01:05:54.000 It's so good.

01:05:55.000 He just kept chowing.

01:05:56.000 Like a wolf.

01:05:57.000 Yeah.

01:05:58.000 Like he was filling himself up.

01:06:01.000 That's the food.

01:06:02.000 I'll feel more of an impact by eating a couple pounds of meat like that than I will from all the pasta in the world.

01:06:09.000 That's interesting.

01:06:10.000 Fogo de Chão slows me down for the evening.

01:06:12.000 I've learned that if I have Fogo de Chão for lunch, I don't do it on a night where I have to work, which is obviously most nights.

01:06:20.000 But now, not.

01:06:22.000 But anyway, that's the one that would affect me, is just a lot of meat.

01:06:26.000 See, for me, it's totally the opposite.

01:06:28.000 Yeah.

01:06:28.000 For whatever reason, like, when I... I love pasta, too, man.

01:06:31.000 I love it.

01:06:32.000 It's so good.

01:06:33.000 Oh, God.

01:06:33.000 It's so good.

01:06:34.000 There's so many different kinds, too, and they all do different things.

01:06:37.000 Like, angel hair is great for some things.

01:06:39.000 You know what I like?

01:06:40.000 There's this twisty pasta.

01:06:42.000 It's, like, long like spaghetti.

01:06:43.000 Yeah.

01:06:43.000 But it's thicker.

01:06:44.000 Like, the tube's thicker, and it's, like, spirally.

01:06:47.000 It's long?

01:06:48.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:06:49.000 It's long like a spaghetti.

01:06:50.000 Wow.

01:06:50.000 I wish I knew the name of it.

01:06:51.000 But twirly like a rotini?

01:06:52.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:06:53.000 But twirly all the way down.

01:06:55.000 Like spaghetti that's twirly.

01:06:57.000 It's so good.

01:06:58.000 How long?

01:06:58.000 Like that long?

01:06:59.000 Like a real piece of spaghetti.

01:07:00.000 Wow, that's crazy.

01:07:02.000 Yeah, dude, it's actually probably a little longer.

01:07:04.000 I get it from Italy.

01:07:05.000 So I bought like a couple of cases of it off Amazon.

01:07:09.000 I'm so addicted.

01:07:11.000 Yeah, I want to know what that is.

01:07:13.000 The world needs long...

01:07:14.000 I'll send you a photo of it afterwards.

01:07:16.000 Long rotini.

01:07:17.000 It comes in like this yellow package.

01:07:20.000 That's exactly what it looks like.

01:07:22.000 Fusili longi.

01:07:24.000 So it's long fusili.

01:07:26.000 It's so good, dude.

01:07:27.000 So what I like to do... 0.87

01:07:29.000 If I eat domestic animals, particularly, this is how I like to, a lot of times if I have ribeye with spaghetti, I'll cook the ribeye and get it like, you know, like just about medium rare and then I slice that bitch up and drop it into the tomato sauce. 0.84

01:07:46.000 Just a couple more minutes. 0.83

01:07:48.000 Oh, just get it all in there.

01:07:50.000 Get all that juicy in there and then and then dump these big thick slices of ribeye with tomato sauce on that Italian pasta. 0.97

01:07:58.000 Yeah.

01:07:58.000 Oh, I can get fat.

01:08:00.000 Yes.

01:08:00.000 It gets so fat.

01:08:02.000 And it's beautiful.

01:08:02.000 Sometimes you can put the pasta, you know, you make your pasta.

01:08:06.000 Some pastas are better put in the sauce directly.

01:08:09.000 Yeah.

01:08:10.000 And some are better, obviously, keeping them separated.

01:08:13.000 And some absorb the sauce.

01:08:15.000 And some of them you cook longer in the sauce and some of them you don't.

01:08:19.000 See, this resonates with everybody.

01:08:21.000 Delicious pasta resonates with everybody.

01:08:24.000 That's why so many women were mad when Adele lost all that weight. 1.00

01:08:28.000 Yes. 1.00

01:08:28.000 Like, no, bitch, I don't want to give up on this fucking pasta. 1.00

01:08:31.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:08:31.000 I was with you when you were big. 1.00

01:08:33.000 Yeah.

01:08:33.000 See, there's a new photo of her?

01:08:35.000 Yeah, no, I saw it this morning.

01:08:36.000 Did you see the controversy?

01:08:38.000 And the first thing I knew, literally the first thing that I thought of the second my eyes laid on that picture, I'm like, this is going to be crazy because people are going to say in these comments that she's beautiful.

01:08:51.000 And that's going to be hilarious because you're basically saying that she wasn't beautiful before by saying that she's beautiful now in a weird way.

01:09:00.000 It's sort of insinuated.

01:09:02.000 And I didn't even realize until two hours or an hour later after I had woken up that it became like this like news story.

01:09:10.000 So it's just funny to me because like it's like Is her voice the same?

01:09:18.000 Right?

01:09:18.000 Because that's what matters.

01:09:19.000 Well, it's funny in that why wouldn't you...

01:09:25.000 Want to applaud someone who did something that's really difficult to do and is now healthier.

01:09:33.000 If you are an Adele fan, wouldn't you want her to be healthier?

01:09:37.000 Wouldn't you?

01:09:38.000 I mean, you want her to be able to keep singing for longer, right?

01:09:41.000 You love her.

01:09:42.000 You want her to be healthier.

01:09:43.000 You don't want her to get... 0.99

01:09:44.000 One of the main things they found in New York City about people that caught COVID-19 that was a real problem was obesity.

01:09:53.000 Big problem.

01:09:54.000 She was, at one point in time, much larger, and now she's really slim.

01:09:58.000 And people are mad...

01:10:01.000 And saying...

01:10:02.000 This is what they're saying.

01:10:03.000 I don't want her to be applauded for losing weight as if it's some wording like this.

01:10:12.000 Like that I don't want to adhere to these beauty standards.

01:10:17.000 That she's better looking because she lost weight.

01:10:19.000 But she is! 1.00

01:10:21.000 And you know that.

01:10:22.000 The only reason why anybody would want to fight against that when so many people overwhelmingly think she looks better...

01:10:28.000 It's because they don't want to look at themselves.

01:10:30.000 It's that simple.

01:10:31.000 They don't want to change.

01:10:32.000 And they're trying to bully you in deciding they're beautiful if they're 210 pounds. 0.98

01:10:38.000 That's really what it is.

01:10:40.000 We're redefining beauty standards.

01:10:42.000 You can't do that.

01:10:43.000 You can't decide that the way you look is what everybody should like.

01:10:47.000 That's crazy.

01:10:49.000 You can't do that.

01:10:49.000 And if people have decided worldwide that fitter, healthier bodies are more attractive...

01:10:58.000 That's just what it is.

01:11:00.000 It's not redefining beauty standards.

01:11:02.000 The beauty standards come from what people are attracted to.

01:11:06.000 Yeah, it's not fair.

01:11:07.000 You're right, it's not fair. 0.99

01:11:08.000 A lot of shit in life's not fair. 0.99

01:11:10.000 That's just how it is. 0.99

01:11:11.000 If you choose to stay big, that is your choice.

01:11:16.000 I know it's a difficult choice to try to move your body down and lose weight and get healthy.

01:11:21.000 We really talked about that.

01:11:22.000 We were just talking about it.

01:11:24.000 But you can't say that it's unattractive when someone has a good body, because it is.

01:11:29.000 So if someone has a better body than they used to have, it looks better.

01:11:33.000 So that's what a beauty standard is. 0.89

01:11:35.000 This is what people are attracted to when it comes to bodies.

01:11:38.000 They're attracted to fit bodies. 0.70

01:11:40.000 That's not a shame.

01:11:42.000 That's not a bad thing.

01:11:44.000 The idea that this is somehow or another something we need to avoid and putting undue pressure on people, it's nonsense.

01:11:50.000 It looks great.

01:11:51.000 If it's pressure on you because other people look great, well what do you do with that pressure?

01:11:56.000 Do you decide to be better?

01:11:58.000 Better yourself?

01:11:59.000 Take care of yourself better? 0.88

01:12:01.000 Do you decide that it's not worth as much to you to worry about what your body looks like and you're more concentrated on maybe art or whatever the fuck else? 0.91

01:12:09.000 That's fine too.

01:12:10.000 But you can't be mad at people that put a lot of energy in that direction and look better.

01:12:16.000 Right.

01:12:17.000 Because she looks better.

01:12:18.000 It's not a bad thing. 0.85

01:12:20.000 And isn't saying that everybody's body is beautiful no matter what, doesn't that make it like worse for the people with ugly faces?

01:12:30.000 You know what I mean?

01:12:31.000 Because like then they're more part of just a smaller group.

01:12:33.000 Like if there's some lady that has like her eyes are on like the side of her head. 1.00

01:12:38.000 But she has a banging body. 1.00

01:12:40.000 Right.

01:12:40.000 She still gets action.

01:12:42.000 Yeah, I guess.

01:12:44.000 No problem at all.

01:12:45.000 Yeah.

01:12:45.000 Of course, she's hot.

01:12:46.000 Well.

01:12:47.000 Dude, men don't care that much. 0.98

01:12:50.000 Where your eyes are.

01:12:57.000 Beauty standards are just what are people attracted to. 0.99

01:13:01.000 And people are generally attracted to people that are healthier.

01:13:04.000 That's just a physical thing that's a part of...

01:13:06.000 And we're only talking about attractive, like sexual attraction, right?

01:13:10.000 We're not saying... 0.94

01:13:12.000 If you're 20 or 30 pounds overweight, you look horrible and I don't want to look at you. 0.96

01:13:17.000 I have a lot of friends that are fat. 0.97

01:13:19.000 But it is what it is.

01:13:20.000 It is what it is.

01:13:23.000 And maybe they'll find somebody that's into that.

01:13:25.000 But you can't decide that people are going to change what they're attracted to. 0.94

01:13:29.000 That's silly.

01:13:30.000 You can't do that. 0.82

01:13:32.000 They are attracted to people that put out more effort.

01:13:34.000 They're attracted to people that have the strength to get up at 6 o'clock in the morning and go to the gym before work.

01:13:39.000 There's something really hot about that.

01:13:40.000 It's attractive.

01:13:41.000 It's attractive to someone who takes care of themselves.

01:13:44.000 It is.

01:13:45.000 It just is.

01:13:45.000 Now, it might not be to you, but that's why the world's beautiful.

01:13:48.000 Because we can all have different things we like and different things we don't like.

01:13:52.000 But when a giant chunk of people are into this one thing, like nice bodies, it doesn't mean that it's all shallow or terrible or it's somehow or another demeaning to people that don't adhere to those standards.

01:14:04.000 No, it's a competition.

01:14:06.000 There's some sort of a physiological competition between males and females in terms of trying to be attractive. 0.94

01:14:13.000 And that's one of the things they do.

01:14:15.000 They make their body look better.

01:14:16.000 Another thing they do is dress nice.

01:14:18.000 They wear jewelry.

01:14:19.000 They do stuff to make themselves look better. 0.99

01:14:21.000 The idea that making your body look better is somehow or another, this is a bad standard to adhere to when you take your big body that you're not taking care of and you wrap it up in all these crazy clothes and all these ribbons and bows and you show your bare midriff because you're brave and you got your big old ass and these jeans. 0.98

01:14:41.000 It still looks pretty good. 0.99

01:14:42.000 Don't get me wrong.

01:14:43.000 Still look great.

01:14:45.000 Honestly, I thought Adele looked a little, I thought she looked cuter, a little bit thicker. 1.00

01:14:51.000 Now she sort of looks, I mean, granted she looks healthier, but she looks a little bit more just basic, you know what I mean?

01:14:59.000 Sort of just like all the other pop stars.

01:15:01.000 Well, in every movie where there's a guy who's kind of a fuck-up, who's going to get in trouble, it's a guy who's built like you with a woman who's like 250 pounds, and she tells him what to do.

01:15:12.000 So maybe it's like a thing.

01:15:16.000 Hasn't David Spade played a character like that?

01:15:19.000 He's got a big wife or a big girl, right? 0.94

01:15:21.000 There's always a few of those.

01:15:22.000 I think so.

01:15:24.000 Maybe that's your thing.

01:15:26.000 Maybe you liked Adele when she was...

01:15:27.000 Shallow Howl.

01:15:28.000 Shallow Howl, yes!

01:15:30.000 That's right.

01:15:32.000 Yeah, dude.

01:15:33.000 Maybe that's your thing.

01:15:34.000 His what?

01:15:34.000 Big ones.

01:15:35.000 You're like, I'm big.

01:15:36.000 So when Adele was big, you're like, yes!

01:15:38.000 Control me!

01:15:39.000 Hold me down! 1.00

01:15:42.000 Maybe.

01:15:42.000 I don't know.

01:15:44.000 I want to know what her voice sounds like.

01:15:46.000 What if she sounds horrible now?

01:15:48.000 Because she had that operatic...

01:15:51.000 Right?

01:15:51.000 Powerful, powerful voice.

01:15:54.000 I was having a conversation with a buddy who told me he liked to have a ball gag put in his mouth.

01:15:58.000 I was like, really?

01:16:01.000 What was he talking about?

01:16:02.000 Was he talking about during sex?

01:16:04.000 I think, yeah, exactly.

01:16:06.000 Is this a podcast?

01:16:07.000 Yeah, no. 0.92

01:16:09.000 During sex.

01:16:10.000 Oh, okay. 0.51

01:16:10.000 Yeah. 0.51

01:16:13.000 Like, what people are into, I'm saying.

01:16:15.000 You know, I'm not saying that people can't be into big girls.

01:16:18.000 There's a lot of people into big girls, but a lot of people are into everything, you know? 0.57

01:16:22.000 But that's okay, too.

01:16:24.000 Like, a lot of people are into weird stuff.

01:16:26.000 You gotta try out different things, I think.

01:16:28.000 If you can get it, it's fun.

01:16:30.000 Dude, people's brains are not the same.

01:16:33.000 Right.

01:16:33.000 The idea that what you like, I'm supposed to like, or what I like, you're supposed to like.

01:16:37.000 You spend so much time watching pro wrestling.

01:16:40.000 Yeah.

01:16:41.000 I watch it every now and then.

01:16:42.000 I'm like, ah, that's a crazy move.

01:16:43.000 I can't.

01:16:44.000 Yeah.

01:16:45.000 But you can.

01:16:46.000 We're different.

01:16:47.000 You can too.

01:16:48.000 You just haven't yet.

01:16:50.000 I'll never give up on that.

01:16:51.000 I knew I was going to push his buttons.

01:16:52.000 You have to do a fight companion with a wrestling event sometime.

01:16:55.000 Well, as a comic, you're probably the greatest wrestling in terms of who's a real evangelist.

01:17:01.000 You're a wrestling evangelist.

01:17:02.000 You're always trying to get people to watch pro wrestling.

01:17:05.000 I don't think it's for everybody, but I think...

01:17:08.000 I think you would love it.

01:17:10.000 I don't think so.

01:17:11.000 The one without the Wrestlemania event?

01:17:14.000 The Undertaker's match?

01:17:15.000 Yeah.

01:17:16.000 That's a sell to him?

01:17:17.000 I like the girls. 1.00

01:17:18.000 The girls wrestling.

01:17:19.000 Seems more realistic.

01:17:21.000 Wrestlemania was great.

01:17:23.000 What about the Undertaker?

01:17:26.000 You didn't like it?

01:17:27.000 It was very cinematic.

01:17:29.000 They've been doing things more like a movie as of late because they don't have an audience.

01:17:33.000 That's a great way to put it.

01:17:34.000 Cinematic.

01:17:34.000 Yeah.

01:17:35.000 I enjoyed Ronda Rousey.

01:17:37.000 She made a great transition to WWE. She really did. 0.95

01:17:40.000 She really did.

01:17:41.000 Yeah, she's great at it. 1.00

01:17:42.000 Well, she's a pro.

01:17:44.000 That's why she was a medalist in Judo in the Olympics. 1.00

01:17:47.000 That's why she was a beast in MMA. She's a pro, and she took to that like a pro. 1.00

01:17:52.000 She really played the heel well. 0.97

01:17:54.000 She played mean well. 0.96

01:17:56.000 It was great.

01:17:58.000 Physically, she can do so much with her judo. 1.00

01:18:01.000 There's so much shit. 0.99

01:18:02.000 The way, how strong she is, the way she can throw women around. 1.00

01:18:05.000 It's pretty crazy.

01:18:06.000 And because of that, that's what really works, is when it looks like she messed something up, sort of, is the best stuff.

01:18:15.000 That's what you sort of want.

01:18:16.000 So it makes it feel real to you.

01:18:18.000 Right. 1.00

01:18:18.000 Why don't you just watch real shit? 1.00

01:18:19.000 The fuck is wrong with you? 1.00

01:18:20.000 I do. 1.00

01:18:20.000 I watch real stuff, too. 1.00

01:18:22.000 There's a huge crossover of people that...

01:18:25.000 Enormous.

01:18:26.000 Our MMA and pro wrestling fans.

01:18:27.000 Even, like, really respected journalists in MMA. Oh, yeah.

01:18:30.000 Big time.

01:18:31.000 Oh, they were all going crazy over WrestleMania.

01:18:33.000 I couldn't believe it.

01:18:35.000 Ariel Helwani and Brett Okamoto, all of them were talking about...

01:18:40.000 I could not believe it because I follow...

01:18:42.000 I don't follow many people on Twitter, but I follow those guys.

01:18:45.000 And I'm like, these?

01:18:46.000 And sure enough, the one, like, wrestling journalist that I followed on at... 0.99

01:18:52.000 It was like, this is crap. 0.98

01:18:53.000 This is the worst Wrestlemania ever. 0.99

01:18:55.000 I'm like, oh my god, this is nuts.

01:18:58.000 But isn't that always the case? 0.90

01:19:00.000 Someone's going to say it's fucking terrible and someone's going to say it was the best thing I've ever seen. 0.92

01:19:04.000 Right. 0.99

01:19:05.000 With fucking everything. 1.00

01:19:06.000 Yep. 1.00

01:19:07.000 Everything. 0.99

01:19:08.000 God damn it. 0.99

01:19:09.000 Yep. 0.99

01:19:11.000 That's why The Irishman shocked me. 0.98

01:19:13.000 Granted, it's not like Parasite where it's like, wow, what a crazy work of art, but it was a great Scorsese movie to me.

01:19:24.000 There's a bad critic for everything now, and whoever got that out there, that The Irishman bad, made it better for me. 0.70

01:19:31.000 Because it lowered my expectations.

01:19:33.000 Dude, I saw people commenting about Ozark.

01:19:36.000 Yeah.

01:19:36.000 Negatively commenting about Ozark.

01:19:38.000 I'm like, okay, this is just proof of my thing.

01:19:40.000 That show's masterpiece.

01:19:42.000 It's a masterpiece. 1.00

01:19:43.000 If you're into a dramatic thriller where you don't know where the fuck they're going, that show is a goddamn masterpiece. 0.99

01:19:49.000 Yep. 0.99

01:19:50.000 Every show leaves you hanging on the edge. 0.99

01:19:52.000 You can't wait to find out what the fuck happened. 0.99

01:19:54.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:19:55.000 It's a masterpiece!

01:19:56.000 And I was reading all these dismissive comments.

01:19:58.000 I was like, oh my god, thank you.

01:20:00.000 It just puts it all into perspective.

01:20:02.000 Who are we listening to?

01:20:04.000 Who's writing that?

01:20:06.000 Yeah. 0.94

01:20:06.000 Jason Bateman's a monster. 0.94

01:20:08.000 Monster! 0.99

01:20:09.000 The fact that he's directing that is insane.

01:20:11.000 That's a great transition to directing.

01:20:15.000 One time, though, his daughter had a cell phone.

01:20:17.000 She had an Android phone.

01:20:19.000 And she was making a text to him.

01:20:22.000 And he was making a text to her, and they would see the dot, dot, dots, dot, dot, dots.

01:20:26.000 But you don't get those on an Android phone.

01:20:28.000 Oh, very interesting. 1.00

01:20:31.000 Yeah, you get those if you've got an iPhone, bitch. 1.00

01:20:33.000 Yeah, that makes sense. 0.99

01:20:35.000 Right?

01:20:35.000 That's why Ian Edwards keeps an Android.

01:20:39.000 It's like, son, I don't want anybody to know what I'm texting from a fucking computer. 0.99

01:20:44.000 Ha ha ha! 1.00

01:20:46.000 He goes, you tell me you could be texting some shit and someone's reading it on a computer? 0.99

01:20:50.000 Why is it even on there? 0.99

01:20:54.000 He's like, he's right!

01:20:56.000 You ever get a text message on your laptop and you just feel violated?

01:20:59.000 Like, what is this?

01:20:59.000 Why are you texting me here?

01:21:01.000 Why is it showing up here?

01:21:03.000 I'm trying to get away from my phone!

01:21:05.000 I'm working over here!

01:21:09.000 That's annoying, right?

01:21:10.000 I just got a new laptop and I can't figure out how to shut that off.

01:21:14.000 Oh, yeah, you got to go in your settings.

01:21:17.000 I couldn't find it.

01:21:18.000 Yeah, you can shut it off, but sometimes it turns itself on again.

01:21:21.000 It's super annoying.

01:21:22.000 It's weird, too, because Apple figured out that the blue bubble looks better.

01:21:27.000 It's really simple.

01:21:29.000 And so if a text message comes in, it doesn't just say text message instead of iMessage.

01:21:37.000 No, no, no. 0.99

01:21:38.000 You'll also get a different color, bitch. 1.00

01:21:40.000 Imagine if it was black. 1.00

01:21:41.000 But here's the thing. 0.99

01:21:42.000 It's like, oh, black with white letters is pretty dope.

01:21:44.000 Yeah, that'd be the best.

01:21:45.000 But here's the thing.

01:21:47.000 Well, you could do that, too.

01:21:49.000 Right?

01:21:49.000 Oh.

01:21:50.000 You know, you get a nighttime mode.

01:21:51.000 I gotta do that.

01:21:53.000 You don't know about that?

01:21:53.000 No.

01:21:55.000 I know I've mentioned this before, but the thing that really bothers me about it is that the color for the app is green.

01:22:02.000 They fucked it by putting the mail app blue, and you can't just have another blue app, but...

01:22:08.000 Yeah, but when you do get a green bubble with a black screen, it's not as bad.

01:22:14.000 The color combination of green on black is not as bad as green on white.

01:22:19.000 Green on white is kind of offensive.

01:22:21.000 It just looks wrong.

01:22:22.000 It doesn't belong with it.

01:22:24.000 It's like they tricked us.

01:22:25.000 It's very wise, because all text used to be green.

01:22:28.000 And then they realize blue looks better.

01:22:30.000 Shh! 0.97

01:22:30.000 Quickly! 0.97

01:22:31.000 Quickly take the blue!

01:22:32.000 They just took blue.

01:22:34.000 They just took it.

01:22:34.000 But here's the thing.

01:22:35.000 If you have an Android phone and you send it through their messages app, you know, their little client that they use to send text messages, you can have it all kinds of colors.

01:22:47.000 You could actually change it.

01:22:49.000 You could make it red.

01:22:50.000 You could make it black. 1.00

01:22:51.000 You could do a bunch of shit. 1.00

01:22:52.000 It's all customizable. 1.00

01:22:53.000 That's why they like it.

01:22:55.000 But Apple keeps you locked into their little system.

01:22:58.000 I've updated my Windows PC recently, and they're trying to do something like that. 0.94

01:23:02.000 I'm not letting my phone and computer buy into it, but it's like, hey, by the way, you know you can connect your phone when you sign in now and have all of this shit here.

01:23:10.000 I'm like, no. 0.98

01:23:11.000 Whenever I think about, I see those messages, I read them back to myself in the same voice as the demon trying to convince Bruce Jenner to be a woman.

01:23:18.000 Remember that bit that I used to do?

01:23:20.000 That's how I read them.

01:23:22.000 You can connect your phone.

01:23:28.000 Come on.

01:23:30.000 Join the Matrix.

01:23:31.000 You would know a little bit about this.

01:23:33.000 There's something I discovered last night, but there's a new popular game that's out, and the anti-cheat program that runs in the background of your computer goes all the way down to the kernels of your computer, which is something different. 0.99

01:23:46.000 Don't be a pussy. 0.99

01:23:47.000 Nothing wrong with pain in your kernels. 1.00

01:23:52.000 The company that owns this and runs it is based in China, and that is a potential spyware or something like that. 0.70

01:23:57.000 Don't be a racist. 0.95

01:23:59.000 Nothing wrong with Chinese stuffing your kernels. 1.00

01:24:03.000 We lie.

01:24:06.000 Lock into the matrix.

01:24:08.000 How long before the first person gets in the matrix?

01:24:11.000 Do we have five years even?

01:24:12.000 I don't think so.

01:24:13.000 I don't think we have five years before we have bolts in the back of our head that we tie into a clamp.

01:24:17.000 Big old hose.

01:24:18.000 Thing right here.

01:24:19.000 I was looking around.

01:24:21.000 This is a potential...

01:24:23.000 Oh, Jesus Christ!

01:24:24.000 ...from Northwestern University, a COVID tracking thing that...

01:24:28.000 They're tested with less than 30 people.

01:24:31.000 Oh my god, that's so crazy.

01:24:33.000 It was used to track stroke patients and changes in your breathing and lungs or something, and sounds in there that connect to a device, which is your phone, and let you know if something's up.

01:24:42.000 What better way to get integrated with the grid than to create a virus that makes you wear a mask, takes away your humanity, can't touch each other, Gotta stay away.

01:24:53.000 No social contact.

01:24:54.000 So you're getting more and more addicted to your TV and your phone.

01:24:57.000 More and more addicted to your laptop.

01:25:00.000 I'll free you.

01:25:01.000 But you gotta take a test.

01:25:03.000 And then I gotta put a tracking thing on you.

01:25:05.000 Because I want to make sure that you're a good boy, Tony.

01:25:09.000 You're a good boy.

01:25:10.000 You don't go catching no COVID and spreading it around.

01:25:13.000 So I gotta know where you are.

01:25:14.000 So I can chart out the health of the public.

01:25:17.000 Frightening.

01:25:19.000 Can't give that up, folks.

01:25:21.000 Five-stage reopening process based on risk.

01:25:24.000 Los Angeles announced within the hour.

01:25:28.000 Stage one.

01:25:29.000 Safer at home order.

01:25:31.000 Planning for recovery.

01:25:32.000 Stage two, which we're about to go into.

01:25:33.000 That's now, right?

01:25:34.000 This is as of Friday.

01:25:36.000 This Friday.

01:25:37.000 Florists.

01:25:37.000 Some retailers.

01:25:38.000 Car dealerships.

01:25:39.000 Golf courses.

01:25:40.000 And trails.

01:25:40.000 Soon.

01:25:41.000 Other low risk businesses.

01:25:44.000 Manufacturers.

01:25:44.000 Office.

01:25:45.000 Retail.

01:25:45.000 Essential healthcare.

01:25:47.000 Outdoor recreation.

01:25:48.000 And libraries.

01:25:49.000 I thought we already could.

01:25:50.000 Outdoor recreation.

01:25:51.000 Sort of what we were talking about earlier.

01:25:52.000 But you have to wear.

01:25:53.000 They say here.

01:25:54.000 It's on this screen.

01:25:54.000 You have to wear face covering.

01:25:56.000 When you go out there on the trails.

01:25:58.000 So are they making runners wear face masks while they're running?

01:26:03.000 No.

01:26:04.000 Not out on the streets, I don't think, but if you're in a trail, you could probably get stopped.

01:26:09.000 Find out if that's true because I've been reading all these things that say that there's, you know, we joked around about it before, like if someone passes you when they're running, like how close are they to you?

01:26:16.000 But it doesn't seem like there's any sort of science to say that it spreads that way.

01:26:22.000 I've read that and didn't think that that was true too, but I texted Brendan Schaub.

01:26:27.000 He said he got a ticket for being on that trail.

01:26:29.000 I don't know what the ticket was for.

01:26:31.000 Jesus Christ.

01:26:31.000 I was like, did you really get a ticket?

01:26:33.000 He said, yeah.

01:26:34.000 Did he get a ticket for just being there or did he get a ticket for not wearing a mask?

01:26:37.000 I'm not sure.

01:26:39.000 So, museums, cultural centers, and galleries. 0.99

01:26:42.000 Thank God they can open up LACMA and you can stare at a plexiglass box at some fucking dipshit glued together. 1.00

01:26:50.000 Look at that, stage three. 1.00

01:26:52.000 Separated with velvet ropes.

01:26:53.000 Stage three, high-risk businesses, body art, massage bars, nightclubs.

01:26:59.000 Movie theaters and bowling alleys.

01:27:02.000 So we have to wait.

01:27:03.000 We have to wait for the next stage.

01:27:06.000 And then stage four, higher risk businesses, entertainment venues.

01:27:10.000 Oh, wait a minute.

01:27:11.000 That might be us.

01:27:12.000 But wait a minute.

01:27:13.000 Yeah, like what is an entertainment venue?

01:27:15.000 Is that like a large arena?

01:27:18.000 There might be more like 1,000 people more, like a concert venue.

01:27:22.000 Don't say 1,000.

01:27:22.000 Jamie gave him a bad idea.

01:27:24.000 Say 3,000.

01:27:25.000 3,000.

01:27:26.000 We want theaters.

01:27:28.000 Yes.

01:27:28.000 We can do comedy in theaters.

01:27:30.000 If they shut down all the arenas and I just have to do 10 shows instead of one, we can do that.

01:27:35.000 This is just Los Angeles. 0.99

01:27:36.000 I know, but these fucks, it doesn't matter. 1.00

01:27:39.000 This is... 0.99

01:27:42.000 Also, Ohio just passed a law they said to change what the Department of Health is doing so that they're superseding the rules in their Congress.

01:27:50.000 They only have 14. I don't know.

01:27:52.000 Listen, I think ultimately, we're hating this with what California's doing.

01:27:58.000 Ultimately, there's way less people that got it here than got it anywhere else.

01:28:03.000 So it's probably a good idea. 0.99

01:28:05.000 But as a comedian, it fucking sucks. 1.00

01:28:08.000 It sucks. 1.00

01:28:12.000 It's not in the highest of risks. 1.00

01:28:15.000 It's it sucks. 0.84

01:28:16.000 I know quite a few people that have had it and we're gonna actually have Michael Yo come on next week. 0.96

01:28:21.000 I'm really interested to talk to him because he had it real bad and he got it from New York and then there's been some speculation that the people who got it from New York they get it from Europe but the people that got it in California a lot of them got it from China which is really interesting because like I wonder if as it went through Europe it got worse.

01:28:42.000 Like, that's possible, right?

01:28:44.000 And wasn't that something that they speculated, that there's some sort of different strains?

01:28:48.000 Yeah, but couldn't New York people just come to LA easier than people from China? 0.81

01:28:53.000 Yeah, they could.

01:28:53.000 But I think when they track the origin, I think that's the reason.

01:28:57.000 Oh, yeah, because they can test it.

01:28:58.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:28:59.000 I think there's... 1.00

01:29:00.000 Imagine a moron like me trying to even say this. 0.99

01:29:03.000 But I think there's some sort of a genetic tracing mechanism to what they're doing. 0.99

01:29:07.000 Going back to November flu samples to see if they can track it to back then, right now.

01:29:12.000 So they found December though, right?

01:29:14.000 Is that confirmed or is that just speculated?

01:29:16.000 What I saw last night this morning said that.

01:29:18.000 Early December.

01:29:19.000 Yeah.

01:29:20.000 Is that the one in Sweden?

01:29:22.000 Because I read something that Sweden has it back to November or December now.

01:29:27.000 Has what back?

01:29:28.000 They've traced COVID back to being in Sweden as far as November or December.

01:29:33.000 Oh, I thought you were saying in terms of their opening back up.

01:29:36.000 They're kind of opened up.

01:29:38.000 Yeah.

01:29:38.000 In Sweden.

01:29:39.000 Yeah.

01:29:39.000 But here's the thing.

01:29:41.000 You also got to realize that Sweden is not the United States.

01:29:44.000 It's a weird place.

01:29:45.000 It's really stretched out.

01:29:46.000 And there's not a lot of people there.

01:29:49.000 It's nothing like New York.

01:29:51.000 The thing about New York is... 1.00

01:29:53.000 That's like a house made out of hay and someone drops a cigar and that motherfucker just catches on fire and goes, wah! 1.00

01:30:00.000 There's so many people. 1.00

01:30:01.000 The viral load you must take in every day if you live in Manhattan, on the subway, fucking right next to people, breathing in everybody's air, everybody's coughing and it's getting in. 0.91

01:30:12.000 There's only so much air in that room.

01:30:14.000 Even if you talk about, forget about the subway and just talk about the entrance door to either their home or their workplace has hundreds of people, minimum, going through it every single day.

01:30:25.000 And those hundreds of people that go through that door every single day, they're on the subway or they're walking by people on the street.

01:30:33.000 It's just too much.

01:30:34.000 Way too much.

01:30:35.000 So many people.

01:30:36.000 They're all breathing each other's funk.

01:30:40.000 Sweden says coronavirus was likely in the country as early as November 2019. That's what I read.

01:30:44.000 Wow, that's crazy.

01:30:45.000 Because they found it in France in December.

01:30:47.000 He's like, it's most likely.

01:30:49.000 That's crazy.

01:30:50.000 So they found it in France from that time, too?

01:30:52.000 Mm-hmm.

01:30:53.000 Wow.

01:30:53.000 I appreciate their approach that they're going through.

01:30:56.000 And let it be known, Sweden's a smart frickin' place, man.

01:31:00.000 When I was there with you, Stockholm...

01:31:03.000 Wow.

01:31:04.000 So one had a patient in France who was infected with COVID-19 back in December, a month before the contagion was thought to have reached Europe.

01:31:13.000 Doctors retroactively tested the samples from when the man was admitted to the hospital near Paris on December 27th with a cough, a headache, and a fever.

01:31:22.000 Wow.

01:31:25.000 It really does feel like more than one disease.

01:31:27.000 And apparently there's a strain in India, and there's some concern that even when they come up with a vaccine, this strain in India is going to be immune to it.

01:31:37.000 It's not going to work on this strain, because this strain is so different than what's going on right now.

01:31:41.000 Do you see COVID toes yet?

01:31:44.000 COVID toes is a new...

01:31:45.000 Oh, like you get funky toenails?

01:31:47.000 ...serious symptom.

01:31:48.000 No, it's the actual toe-toe.

01:31:50.000 It turns bright red because of blood clotting, and it is a serious symptom of the coronavirus.

01:31:58.000 In fact, I saw one person get diagnosed just from that.

01:32:01.000 They had no other symptoms, so they diagnosed the person because of COVID toes.

01:32:06.000 Read a whole long thing about it.

01:32:07.000 Wow. 1.00

01:32:08.000 It's a fucking weird disease, man. 1.00

01:32:11.000 Some people seem to get it and just walk it off. 1.00

01:32:13.000 And other people get it and it's a death sentence.

01:32:16.000 It doesn't seem like anything else.

01:32:18.000 Maybe it's just like we just haven't been paying attention to.

01:32:22.000 You know, when I found out that there was 61,000 people that died from the flu a year ago.

01:32:27.000 Yeah.

01:32:28.000 61,000?

01:32:29.000 Right. 1.00

01:32:30.000 That's so many fucking people. 1.00

01:32:32.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:32:34.000 That's crazy!

01:32:35.000 Like, you would have never believed that.

01:32:36.000 And I know there's been more deaths from COVID. But the other thing we were trying to figure out, somebody tweeted that there was, because of the fact that there's so many COVID deaths, that there's actually a decrease in the amount of people that have died from heart disease.

01:32:53.000 And they're thinking, how many people are not being counted?

01:32:56.000 How many people have died of heart disease?

01:32:57.000 Like, how accurate is the count?

01:32:59.000 Because I think what they're doing is, if you have COVID... You die.

01:33:04.000 You died from COVID. They don't investigate to see if there were some other things that might have killed you and COVID just also was there.

01:33:13.000 Like maybe this is the cause.

01:33:15.000 Oh, he clearly had a heart attack.

01:33:16.000 Oh, this is the cause.

01:33:17.000 He clearly had this.

01:33:18.000 But now they're saying that COVID might even cause heart attacks in people, you know, and that might cause strokes and weird blood clots in people.

01:33:26.000 So it's like it's different in different people.

01:33:29.000 It's so strange.

01:33:32.000 And it almost feels like we're living like people lived in the past, where you get your information piecemeal.

01:33:38.000 Like, what?

01:33:38.000 What's happening?

01:33:39.000 Because it's new, and they don't really know.

01:33:41.000 It's not like there's an established science about measles, right? 0.99

01:33:45.000 They know what the fuck it is. 0.98

01:33:46.000 They know how to make a vaccine. 1.00

01:33:48.000 They know.

01:33:49.000 This is not with this.

01:33:51.000 With this, it's like, what?

01:33:52.000 We haven't put all the pieces together yet.

01:33:54.000 So we're experiencing it in real time, along with the world's foremost medical experts.

01:34:01.000 Did you see the scientist from Pittsburgh that supposedly was close to a breakthrough that got murdered in a murder-suicide?

01:34:09.000 Yes.

01:34:10.000 Yeah, I did see that.

01:34:11.000 That's crazy.

01:34:12.000 It is crazy.

01:34:13.000 Yeah. 0.71

01:34:13.000 Like, what the hell? 0.71

01:34:15.000 Yeah, I'm in the middle of this Jack Carter novel that's all about crazy espionage and murder and murder for hire and shit. 0.98

01:34:22.000 And, you know, of course, instantly, when I see something like this, I go, oh my god, what if they whacked him and they whacked this guy to cover up their tracks? 0.83

01:34:31.000 They didn't want him to find a cure because they're working on their own cure.

01:34:34.000 Yeah.

01:34:35.000 Very significant findings.

01:34:38.000 According to the university.

01:34:39.000 That guy does not look like the guy that would get murdered for anything.

01:34:44.000 Gunshot wounds to the head.

01:34:45.000 You don't read Jack Carr books.

01:34:47.000 If you read Jack Carr books, you would totally think he looks like a guy that gets shot because everybody gets shot.

01:34:55.000 That guy's books are so violent, man.

01:34:57.000 Everybody's getting shot.

01:35:00.000 So it says they found him in his townhouse, and then the other person, the suspect they found, shot themselves in a car, right?

01:35:08.000 Is that what it is?

01:35:09.000 Mm-hmm.

01:35:11.000 Yep.

01:35:12.000 Returning to his car and taking his own life.

01:35:14.000 Wow.

01:35:15.000 See, that's the story.

01:35:17.000 Is that what happened?

01:35:18.000 So it could have been like a bad business deal, or maybe a love triangle.

01:35:26.000 Or...

01:35:27.000 Something.

01:35:28.000 Imagine if you were on your way to developing a vaccine for something and that vaccine was gonna net your company an estimated 1.9 billion dollars. 1.00

01:35:40.000 And then this fucking smarty pants dipshit, let's not even say that guy, some guy in Vancouver figures out a way to kill this stuff. 0.99

01:35:51.000 And he wants to publish it. 1.00

01:35:54.000 And you gotta get to him.

01:35:56.000 Gotta get to him before he publishes it.

01:35:58.000 Because if he does, if this super smart guy has figured something out about the structure of this virus, and he knows how to fix it, he knows how to fix this problem the world is facing, it's an easy fix.

01:36:12.000 And that guy winds up dead.

01:36:15.000 Wow.

01:36:16.000 That's possible.

01:36:17.000 That's in books.

01:36:18.000 I've read it in books.

01:36:19.000 What?

01:36:20.000 I guarantee.

01:36:21.000 Actually, I've listened to it in audiobooks.

01:36:23.000 But the same thing.

01:36:25.000 I've become obsessed with this criminal psychology thing on YouTube called Jim Can't Swim.

01:36:31.000 And he breaks down interrogation videos.

01:36:35.000 Oh, I've heard of this guy.

01:36:36.000 It's so addictive.

01:36:38.000 I actually got on Patreon.

01:36:40.000 And he's the first person I've ever been a Patreon person of.

01:36:44.000 And I blasted through this stuff.

01:36:47.000 It is so cool.

01:36:49.000 And it's all criminal psychology and he talks about how these interrogators and he has great video somehow of these interrogations and how these people break through and he'll stop it and show you like here's what he's doing and here's why and how they get people and why people lie and how they lie and this and that.

01:37:09.000 It's so damn interesting.

01:37:12.000 Because you watch people, they cannot cover their tracks.

01:37:16.000 And then once you watch enough of them, once you're halfway through, you already know.

01:37:21.000 You're like, oh, they're guilty.

01:37:23.000 Oh, they just gave it away.

01:37:24.000 Before he even stops it, you know how it's crazy, that whole criminal world.

01:37:31.000 They can't lie.

01:37:32.000 You would think that...

01:37:34.000 You know, you would think like, oh, I could fool one of those guys.

01:37:37.000 Like, I could fool a detective if he was interrogating me.

01:37:42.000 And it's like, no, you cannot.

01:37:44.000 Well, you know what that's probably like?

01:37:45.000 Like, I'm gonna heckle this guy. 0.99

01:37:47.000 I'm gonna fuck up his act. 0.99

01:37:49.000 Yep, exactly. 0.99

01:37:50.000 And then the comedian tortures you.

01:37:51.000 I saw one where this lady killed her husband's wife, or killed her ex-boyfriend's wife, right? 1.00

01:38:01.000 Back in college at UCLA. Whoa.

01:38:04.000 Yep. 1.00

01:38:05.000 Killed her. 0.99

01:38:06.000 Got away with it. 0.99

01:38:07.000 Became an LAPD detective.

01:38:09.000 Right?

01:38:10.000 Get this.

01:38:12.000 25 years later.

01:38:16.000 Then...

01:38:18.000 They realize that this detective on their force could potentially be the murderer.

01:38:28.000 How did they figure out that she could be the murderer?

01:38:31.000 Well, they ended up interviewing some people from back then.

01:38:33.000 They had this cold case.

01:38:34.000 What's really ironic is that they did so good, all these detectives, that they ran out of basically stuff to do.

01:38:43.000 So they got to start going way back on cold cases and looking more into them.

01:38:48.000 And so they looked at some interviews and this and that, and they're like, this lady works on the force.

01:38:54.000 And then they ended up finding out more and more and more that she could have been attached.

01:38:57.000 So they kept it a secret.

01:39:00.000 And they kept it completely secret from her and they just brought her down to a break room saying that they had some questions about something.

01:39:07.000 Little did she know that the interrogation had begun.

01:39:10.000 Oh my god. 1.00

01:39:10.000 And she was the worst liar ever. 1.00

01:39:15.000 She literally had 25 years of guilt, like, built up. 0.99

01:39:19.000 It's like a steaming teapot.

01:39:22.000 Wow.

01:39:22.000 So she's literally like, what is this?

01:39:24.000 What is this about?

01:39:26.000 Are you kidding me?

01:39:28.000 You can watch this online.

01:39:28.000 Oh, yeah.

01:39:29.000 What is it?

01:39:30.000 It's called Jim Can't Swim on YouTube.

01:39:33.000 That particular one, I want to know that one.

01:39:34.000 It begins with an L. The Lazarus Files.

01:39:37.000 Yep, Stephanie Lazarus.

01:39:39.000 Jamie, please send me that link.

01:39:41.000 Stephanie Lazarus.

01:39:42.000 See, that's one of those things where I wish we could play something on the show and listen to that.

01:39:47.000 I want to check that out.

01:39:48.000 It's so good. 0.99

01:39:49.000 Goddamn. 0.99

01:39:50.000 And they stop and they show you, like, little things, like, right from the beginning, you know? 0.99

01:39:55.000 They say the guy's name wrong, like, do you know John Hoover, or whatever it was?

01:39:59.000 And the guy's name was John Hover, and she goes, John Hoover?

01:40:03.000 John Hoover?

01:40:04.000 John...

01:40:05.000 And she takes way too long. 1.00

01:40:07.000 And then she goes, you mean maybe John Hover?

01:40:09.000 And then they stop it.

01:40:10.000 And he's like, you know, she thought of John Hover immediately.

01:40:14.000 She's pretending like she's searching through her brain.

01:40:17.000 Like they show you what they're showing you.

01:40:19.000 Right, right, right.

01:40:20.000 She's pretending like this is no big deal.

01:40:22.000 And they have to put it out there. 1.00

01:40:24.000 She's not nervous that she murdered this fucking guy. 1.00

01:40:25.000 Everything that the person does is showing you what they're hiding. 1.00

01:40:31.000 Dude, this guy went to clean out his mom's apartment, she died, and he found a freezer, one of those chest freezers, with a dead decomposing body in it.

01:40:43.000 So the body had been there, the freezer was, I think it was in the basement.

01:40:46.000 See if you can find this.

01:40:48.000 I believe this was in New Jersey?

01:40:52.000 I think it was in New Jersey.

01:40:54.000 No, it was in Manhattan.

01:40:55.000 Yeah, I'm pretty sure it was in Manhattan. 0.99

01:40:57.000 It was one of those giant ass meat freezers. 0.96

01:41:00.000 And someone threw the body in there and duct taped it all shut so the stink couldn't get out. 0.95

01:41:04.000 And she wouldn't let anybody visit her building.

01:41:06.000 Man goes to clear out dead mom's house, finds body and freezer.

01:41:10.000 Police say a man found a decomposed body in his dead mother's freezer as she was cleared out of her New York City apartment.

01:41:17.000 Wow.

01:41:17.000 He found the body this week in a chest freezer that had been sealed with duct tape.

01:41:22.000 Investigators said the body appeared to have been stored for over 10 years.

01:41:26.000 Building Superintendent Asamir Basim told the newspaper on Friday's article the body was so decayed that authorities couldn't determine its sex.

01:41:38.000 Bastien said they wouldn't let, she wouldn't let them, there it is, the deceased tenant never gave permission for work to be done in the Hamilton Heights apartment.

01:41:46.000 That was what I thought was funny.

01:41:48.000 She's like, no, I'm good.

01:41:51.000 They're like, your plumbing's bad.

01:41:53.000 No, plumbing's perfect.

01:41:55.000 Is there a smell coming out of your place?

01:41:57.000 Not anymore.

01:41:58.000 No, not anymore.

01:41:59.000 No smell.

01:42:00.000 Thanks.

01:42:00.000 Click.

01:42:01.000 Bolt.

01:42:01.000 Shut.

01:42:02.000 Clip.

01:42:03.000 Two locks.

01:42:04.000 I just wouldn't let anybody in. 1.00

01:42:07.000 She had a fucking chest freezer with a dead body. 1.00

01:42:10.000 What's worse, cleaning your dead mom's place and finding a dead body or having her dildo hit you in the face off a shelf? 1.00

01:42:17.000 The body. 1.00

01:42:18.000 I don't care if my mom uses a dildo. 1.00

01:42:20.000 That's her choice. 0.99

01:42:21.000 She's a free woman. 1.00

01:42:23.000 If her dildo fell off the top shelf and hit you in the head. 1.00

01:42:25.000 Get over it, pussy. 1.00

01:42:27.000 Doink. 1.00

01:42:27.000 Yeah, better than a body. 1.00

01:42:28.000 Your mother's a murderer. 1.00

01:42:30.000 Killed somebody ten fucking years ago and threw them in an ice chest and duct taped it shut. 1.00

01:42:34.000 What the fuck? 1.00

01:42:36.000 Didn't realize you supported your mother's use of dildos quite as much. 1.00

01:42:40.000 I do.

01:42:40.000 I support your mother's use of dildos too.

01:42:42.000 I love your mother.

01:42:42.000 I hope she's happy.

01:42:45.000 She is. 1.00

01:42:46.000 Your mother kills. 0.99

01:42:47.000 Yeah, she's the best. 0.99

01:42:48.000 If you write for your mother, your mother would be a world-class traveling stand-up.

01:42:53.000 When she did that Kill Tony and she went up and did stand-up with notes and had never done it before, murdered. 0.98

01:42:58.000 She murdered. 0.98

01:42:59.000 Murdered.

01:43:00.000 Your mother legitimately had great timing, great delivery. 0.99

01:43:04.000 She leaned into the punchline. 0.95

01:43:06.000 She was killing, man. 0.99

01:43:07.000 She was killing. 0.95

01:43:08.000 It was funny.

01:43:09.000 That was fun.

01:43:10.000 She listened to my few notes, you know, and she just did it.

01:43:14.000 She had fun.

01:43:16.000 I told her to smile, enjoy it, don't forget to smile, and leave spaces in between the jokes. 0.91

01:43:22.000 Those were the two things.

01:43:24.000 It was so cool to see, too.

01:43:25.000 It's like when someone does something like that they've never done before, and their son is a professional stand-up, and it was on your son's podcast, in a live audience, which is like every... 0.98

01:43:37.000 The biggest fear people have is fucking up in front of a large crowd. 0.98

01:43:41.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:43:42.000 Whitney Cummings told me that that comes from when, in the past, when people were in front of large crowds, usually it's because you're being judged.

01:43:50.000 Like you did something wrong and the group is turning on you.

01:43:53.000 And I was like, oh, that makes sense.

01:43:55.000 That's where that fear comes from.

01:43:57.000 Yeah, that makes total sense.

01:43:58.000 Total makes sense.

01:43:59.000 Yeah. 0.93

01:44:00.000 Like that when we were evolving, you know, as we're going through the civilizations of the past, if it was a group of people that was staring at you and you're around all these people and you're down and they're all up, like, ah, that's fucking terrifying. 0.92

01:44:12.000 For sure. 0.95

01:44:13.000 Or perhaps even about to be executed, right?

01:44:15.000 Oh, for sure.

01:44:16.000 Yeah, for sure.

01:44:17.000 When there's one person and everyone's focusing on them, most of the time that's scary because most of the time it's bad.

01:44:23.000 Occasionally someone's performing, you know, but most of the time it's really bad.

01:44:27.000 Yeah. 0.69

01:44:28.000 It's like a group of people trying to kill you.

01:44:30.000 The only time it's really good is when everything's going great.

01:44:33.000 There's plenty of food and booze.

01:44:34.000 Then the person like, we're going to listen to you because you're exceptional because you have a wonderful voice or you're really good with the musical instrument.

01:44:42.000 Yeah, that is weird. 0.95

01:44:44.000 It's fucking real weird.

01:44:45.000 The fear that people get in going out there and performing and having people boo at them and hate them. 0.96

01:44:53.000 They're so scared of it.

01:44:57.000 It's interesting.

01:44:59.000 That's where booze comes in right?

01:45:02.000 If people, like, how many people have given speeches at their companies, like, you know, they get together and have a company Christmas party, and someone, unfortunately, leaves a microphone, and a bunch of people are boozing. 0.98

01:45:16.000 And someone goes up there and just ruins their fucking life. 0.88

01:45:21.000 How many times does that happen? 1.00

01:45:23.000 How many times does that happen?

01:45:25.000 Someone thought they could say something that Chris Rock would say.

01:45:29.000 Ha ha ha!

01:45:31.000 And they try out a bit.

01:45:33.000 They try out a bit at their company party from then on.

01:45:39.000 You get brought into Human Resources on Monday.

01:45:41.000 Yeah.

01:45:42.000 Tony, I want you to tell me about Saturday night.

01:45:46.000 Tell me from your perspective, why'd you say what you said?

01:45:49.000 Why'd you do what you did?

01:45:51.000 It's so funny.

01:45:52.000 Not only that, they're supplying you with booze, which is hilarious.

01:45:56.000 Like, if they had just coke and joints rolled up, laying around, people would never blame you.

01:46:04.000 They wouldn't blame you. 1.00

01:46:05.000 If you gave them coke and got them high as fuck, bong hits, and they were saying wacky shit, curled up in the corner, you wouldn't blame them. 1.00

01:46:13.000 But you got an open bar at your fucking Christmas party, and Mikey gets a little sauced up and says something stupid, and you're mad at him. 1.00

01:46:21.000 It's so funny to think about how real companies have Christmas parties with alcohol and all that. 1.00

01:46:28.000 Have you ever been to a comedy store Christmas party?

01:46:31.000 I don't like Christmas parties.

01:46:33.000 Right, that's why I'm asking.

01:46:34.000 I know everybody else is there, but I don't think I've ever seen you at one.

01:46:37.000 And it's probably a good thing.

01:46:39.000 Because it's complete chaos.

01:46:42.000 It's beyond...

01:46:43.000 Because obviously the comedy store has less than no HR. So it's...

01:46:51.000 Way, way, way, way over the top. 0.98

01:46:54.000 Like, it's absolutely ridiculous. 0.77

01:46:58.000 Continuous, continuous alcohol consumption.

01:47:02.000 Like, shots and [...

01:47:06.000 When is it coming back?

01:47:08.000 When do you think we'll move into that lovely phase three?

01:47:13.000 I think maybe my guess right now would be 8 to 12 weeks something starts.

01:47:19.000 8 to 12 weeks.

01:47:20.000 Perhaps the main room is spaced out with the OR. I wonder if they can hang in there that long.

01:47:26.000 That's a long time to hang in there.

01:47:28.000 I think so.

01:47:29.000 You think so?

01:47:30.000 I do.

01:47:32.000 I think that they've done really well as of late.

01:47:36.000 Like really well.

01:47:37.000 There's something about alcohol sales, which takes a business to a whole nother level.

01:47:41.000 And they've been slinging some drinks.

01:47:44.000 They certainly have, but look, it's hard for everybody.

01:47:48.000 And it's paid for, right?

01:47:50.000 They own the building.

01:47:51.000 That's true.

01:47:52.000 If they were paying rent, it would be rough.

01:47:55.000 But my God, are those shows back?

01:47:57.000 When we come back, my God, are those going to be fun?

01:48:00.000 Those are going to be fun.

01:48:01.000 Wow.

01:48:02.000 Because you never thought it could be taken away from you.

01:48:04.000 Yeah.

01:48:04.000 Taken away from everybody.

01:48:06.000 Honestly, I was mad at you the first day, because I had a show with you that night.

01:48:11.000 We performed the night before, and the next morning I wake up and I see your tweet saying, unfortunately I'm going to cancel my shows tonight at the Comedy Store, right?

01:48:20.000 And I'm literally like, come on Joe, you're falling for this fake disease. 1.00

01:48:24.000 I was more like, this is bullshit. 1.00

01:48:28.000 Well, it was actually an order. 1.00

01:48:30.000 Oh no, I know.

01:48:31.000 In retrospect, obviously, I was wrong.

01:48:34.000 Yeah, they wanted 200 people or less.

01:48:36.000 They had gotten to this 200 people or less place, which I thought was really weird.

01:48:41.000 Like, it's okay if 200 people get sick?

01:48:43.000 Like, what is that?

01:48:44.000 400 is bad, 200 is good.

01:48:46.000 Like, it's the same environment.

01:48:47.000 It's just a larger number.

01:48:49.000 So they had an arbitrary 200 number.

01:48:51.000 And then I canceled the other shows too.

01:48:53.000 I was like, I'm just going to cancel.

01:48:54.000 I'm like, I think we should cancel.

01:48:56.000 Because there was some improv shows that we still had booked.

01:48:58.000 I'm like, we better cancel.

01:48:59.000 It just seems like a storm was coming.

01:49:02.000 It was.

01:49:02.000 It was changing, like, by the hour.

01:49:04.000 I was in constant negotiations with the comedy store.

01:49:08.000 When that started on that Thursday or Friday, I was still fighting for my Monday.

01:49:13.000 Like, I'm like, that's great.

01:49:15.000 They're allowing 200, then we can do 200. Two hours later, they're like, it's gotta be 100. And I'm like, okay, 100. And then they're like, well, the comedy store is closing indefinitely.

01:49:26.000 And I'm like, great.

01:49:26.000 Well, how about you just let us shoot in the main room with no audience and some staff?

01:49:34.000 And they're like, well, no, uh, At first they're like, yes.

01:49:39.000 And then they're like, no.

01:49:40.000 And then I had to renegotiate because they're like, no, we're closing the main room to quarantine it.

01:49:45.000 And I'm like, great.

01:49:46.000 We'll stream out of the original room with no staff and no comedians.

01:49:50.000 And they're like, that's good for literally for like four hours.

01:49:54.000 And then I got a call and look, we were closing the entire building.

01:49:58.000 We can't...

01:49:59.000 And they're like, if you want to do the basement, you can stream out of the basement.

01:50:03.000 I'm like, we definitely can't do the basement.

01:50:05.000 It's too small.

01:50:06.000 We should have stuffed it in the basement. 1.00

01:50:08.000 For the fuck of it. 1.00

01:50:09.000 What a great story. 1.00

01:50:10.000 How did we get into the basement?

01:50:11.000 Let me tell you how we got into the basement.

01:50:13.000 We're basically in the basement now over at Betterbox Studios.

01:50:15.000 But we ended up doing one in the empty ice house.

01:50:18.000 How cool is that?

01:50:19.000 That ended up being really cool.

01:50:20.000 We did like a Q&A session in the empty ice house.

01:50:25.000 Very interesting.

01:50:26.000 It was pouring down rain Monday night.

01:50:28.000 That's the part that made it like extra creepy.

01:50:31.000 I hope the ice house is okay too.

01:50:33.000 Improv, all these clubs.

01:50:35.000 We've got to do something to really get them juiced up once everything gets rolling again.

01:50:40.000 For sure.

01:50:41.000 We're going to have a lot of creative juices.

01:50:45.000 I wonder what the stipulation is going to be as far as what has to take place.

01:50:50.000 Would it be an effective treatment?

01:50:53.000 What would it have to be where they would let us do comedy again?

01:50:58.000 I wonder what it would be.

01:50:59.000 Because they have some effective treatments that they're investigating.

01:51:03.000 I wonder if that would be enough.

01:51:04.000 If they knew there was a good supply of it, they'd get it to the hospitals.

01:51:10.000 I don't know.

01:51:11.000 They don't even know if you can catch it twice.

01:51:13.000 Right.

01:51:13.000 They're thinking you might be able to catch it again.

01:51:15.000 It might wear off and then you can catch it again.

01:51:17.000 Which is like, what?

01:51:19.000 I sort of am not buying into that.

01:51:22.000 I think that's another one that the news wants us to think that you can catch it again.

01:51:26.000 You might be able to catch it again, but it's like a lot of the most recent things that I've read from health organizations are saying, good news, finally some good news, and you have to look deep to find good news now.

01:51:39.000 You have to dig.

01:51:40.000 Like with a shovel to find good news and literally like most of and of course a doctor doctor serious doctor I'll tell you well we really don't know don't know because that's what professional scientists say right until they officially know but right now most professionals are saying you can't get it twice I think in China they've found a small percentage of people that got it twice.

01:52:06.000 I don't trust anything coming out of China right now. 0.99

01:52:10.000 I can't believe you.

01:52:10.000 I don't trust their numbers, their scientists, their news, or their hornets.

01:52:14.000 Surely you're pro-fortune cookie.

01:52:17.000 Absolutely, 100%.

01:52:18.000 Those lucky numbers, I take it to the bank. 0.98

01:52:22.000 Imagine if China brought over the murder hornets on purpose just to fuck up our bee supply, just to fuck up our economy even further. 1.00

01:52:29.000 Could you imagine if we found out these motherfuckers brought over those murder hornets? 1.00

01:52:34.000 Imagine if that's the next thing. 1.00

01:52:35.000 Like, they're doing some old-school Genghis Khan shit. 1.00

01:52:37.000 They brought the plague. 1.00

01:52:38.000 They're bringing over murder hornets.

01:52:40.000 Yeah.

01:52:40.000 Imagine.

01:52:42.000 We found out that's the kind of war that China is involved with in the United States, trying to weaken us from within.

01:52:47.000 Wouldn't it be wild if they're like, you know, pay us the money, you owe us, and we just kept ignoring them, and they're like, alright.

01:52:54.000 The relationship we have with China right now is more hostile than anything I can ever remember.

01:53:00.000 More hostile than we've ever felt with Russia, it seems.

01:53:03.000 More hostile than...

01:53:05.000 It's like, as hostile as...

01:53:10.000 Iran when we killed that Soleimani dude It's almost like as hostile with that all the time and it's a special kind right because we can't even acknowledge How mad we are at them yet until we have our own thing sort of figured out. 1.00

01:53:25.000 Yeah, we don't know shit yet We don't know where it came from. 0.88

01:53:27.000 It's almost like when When you're mad at someone, but you don't want to make a big deal of it at the dinner table or something. 0.96

01:53:33.000 You want to talk to them one-on-one afterwards.

01:53:37.000 It's like we can't even acknowledge how mad we are at China for this until we have a vaccine. 0.99

01:53:44.000 And then we're going to be like, hey, by the way, what the fuck, dude? 0.99

01:53:48.000 You gave everybody the coronavirus. 0.99

01:53:50.000 You could have had it taken care of.

01:53:52.000 You did that.

01:53:53.000 They said if they had acted sooner, we could have stopped 95% Of its spread.

01:53:59.000 Yeah.

01:53:59.000 Wow.

01:54:00.000 Yeah.

01:54:00.000 That is nuts.

01:54:04.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:54:04.000 Imagine if it didn't start in the lab and everybody accused it of starting a lab and the people in the lab are like, you fucks, we didn't even do this. 0.99

01:54:11.000 This is just some normal shit. 1.00

01:54:14.000 Just some normal shit that it could have come from this lab, but it didn't. 1.00

01:54:17.000 It came from this fucking market. 1.00

01:54:19.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:54:20.000 But imagine the lab's just right there.

01:54:22.000 It's right near the market.

01:54:23.000 So close.

01:54:24.000 Yeah, what are the odds that a market that has had...

01:54:27.000 Humans and bats in it for a very long time, all of a sudden.

01:54:33.000 I'm getting lab vibes from this one.

01:54:36.000 Well, how about this?

01:54:36.000 Instead of lab vibes, maybe think about it this way.

01:54:39.000 Maybe, since they're doing these fucking experiments on bats, right? 0.97

01:54:44.000 They're doing coronavirus experiments on bats that are coming from the exact same caves as where this disease has originated. 0.99

01:54:52.000 What if someone is selling the bats?

01:54:56.000 After they do experiments with them.

01:54:57.000 Yeah.

01:54:58.000 What if someone just says, as long as they cook it, it'll be fine.

01:55:01.000 Someone didn't cook it that good.

01:55:03.000 Yeah.

01:55:03.000 And then they caught corona from it.

01:55:05.000 Or maybe it's just hanging there.

01:55:07.000 You know, maybe they sold that bat and they just hung there with all the other bats.

01:55:11.000 And that stuff just got in the air.

01:55:13.000 And somebody got it next to them.

01:55:15.000 Working in a tight-spaced market.

01:55:17.000 All the people breathing.

01:55:19.000 And this funky-ass experimental bat is hanging from a meat hook. 1.00

01:55:23.000 Shit. 1.00

01:55:25.000 And they're probably like, as long as they make bat soup, they're gonna have to boil it. 1.00

01:55:28.000 It'll be fine.

01:55:29.000 This is $25 worth of bat.

01:55:31.000 And the one person that bought it liked bat sushi.

01:55:34.000 The rest is history.

01:55:36.000 I don't think they make bat sushi.

01:55:38.000 Bats are predators, right? 1.00

01:55:39.000 You have to cook those fuckers. 1.00

01:55:42.000 What is a bat worth? 1.00

01:55:44.000 How much does it cost to buy a bat to eat?

01:55:48.000 If you had to guess, like U.S. dollars, how much is a bat in a wet market? 0.91

01:55:53.000 In U.S. dollars?

01:55:54.000 In U.S. dollars.

01:55:55.000 If you're over there, you've got $100 in your pocket, Tony.

01:55:58.000 How much do you have left after you buy a bat for dinner?

01:56:01.000 Geez, I would say not much because so much food seems like it would be better than a bat. 0.99

01:56:06.000 It seems like a ratty animal, right?

01:56:09.000 Yeah, but if you bought a bat in a restaurant...

01:56:13.000 How much do you think it costs?

01:56:14.000 Well, a restaurant's different.

01:56:15.000 Or a market, I'm sorry.

01:56:16.000 A market, I'm going to say three bucks.

01:56:18.000 Three dollars for a bat.

01:56:19.000 So let's see if we can find this out.

01:56:22.000 What do you think?

01:56:24.000 You think it's more or less American?

01:56:26.000 Less.

01:56:26.000 I think it's a dollar.

01:56:27.000 Yeah, probably.

01:56:28.000 I think it's like a dollar American for a bat.

01:56:32.000 They don't look like they're greedy.

01:56:33.000 That's the other thing. 1.00

01:56:34.000 People are like, oh my god, these fucking people, they're so greedy. 1.00

01:56:36.000 They're trying to make money selling rats. 1.00

01:56:38.000 Like, no, they're really, really poor. 0.90

01:56:40.000 Like, they're eating rats.

01:56:42.000 They're eating bats.

01:56:43.000 They're eating roaches. 1.00

01:56:44.000 They're eating every fucking thing they can eat that's gonna give them some protein. 0.99

01:56:48.000 They're not just eating, like, Canadian geese. 0.99

01:56:51.000 Oh, a stuffed goose.

01:56:53.000 Look, they got the recipe from Vanity Fair.

01:56:56.000 No.

01:56:57.000 They're eating bats, bro.

01:56:59.000 Flying rats.

01:57:00.000 Can you imagine?

01:57:01.000 Like, if bats were good at all, let's face it, we'd be eating them.

01:57:06.000 I read a terrible story about these two scientists that had decided they wanted to do some studies on these rats that lived in this very particular cave.

01:57:16.000 I believe it was in Africa.

01:57:18.000 And they set up these cameras to photograph these rats, these bats rather, that as the sundown would happen, that's when the bats would start flying out of the caves.

01:57:28.000 And they were going to be there to capture it. 0.95

01:57:29.000 Well, what they didn't understand, for whatever fucking reason, is that this is also where the bats defecate. 0.98

01:57:37.000 So the bats, as they were flying over, covered them with batshit. 0.98

01:57:42.000 Covered them.

01:57:43.000 And I believe they both died of some sort of a hemorrhagic virus.

01:57:50.000 Yeah.

01:57:52.000 We'll have Jamie find that out next.

01:57:54.000 That is batshit crazy.

01:57:55.000 Ah! 1.00

01:57:57.000 You son of a bitch! 1.00

01:58:00.000 Did you know that bat shit comes from the fact that bat shit used to be worth a lot of money? 1.00

01:58:05.000 Because the guano, bat guano, is actually really good fertilizer. 1.00

01:58:09.000 Oh, wow.

01:58:09.000 Yeah.

01:58:10.000 But I bet bat shit crazy is probably like a disease that you get when you're hanging around all that bat guano. 1.00

01:58:17.000 Ah, that makes sense. 0.97

01:58:19.000 Because that stuff is valuable.

01:58:21.000 Like, people...

01:58:23.000 Apparently, really used to value it in terms of using it as fertilizer, using it when they're growing plants.

01:58:30.000 I just know it from Ace Ventura.

01:58:33.000 He tastes it.

01:58:35.000 Guano.

01:58:36.000 Yeah, that's right.

01:58:39.000 That's an underrated movie.

01:58:41.000 Go back and watch that movie again, especially when you're high. 0.98

01:58:43.000 It's so ridiculous. 0.99

01:58:45.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:58:45.000 I've been watching so much shit. 1.00

01:58:47.000 It's been so fun, that part of it. 1.00

01:58:49.000 Just getting to absorb art.

01:58:51.000 I've watched every Adam Sandler movie ever except Little Nicky.

01:58:55.000 I didn't watch Little Nicky.

01:58:56.000 It's when he plays the devil's kid.

01:58:58.000 Yeah.

01:58:58.000 I don't know about that one, but I've watched all of them.

01:59:02.000 You watched the one with the remote control?

01:59:03.000 Yes, I watched that one.

01:59:04.000 Click.

01:59:05.000 Yeah.

01:59:05.000 I watched all of them.

01:59:06.000 Huh.

01:59:07.000 Is that what it's called?

01:59:08.000 Is it called Click?

01:59:08.000 Yeah.

01:59:09.000 Yeah.

01:59:09.000 Happy Gilmore is a classic, man.

01:59:11.000 Dude, classic.

01:59:12.000 So funny.

01:59:13.000 Classic.

01:59:14.000 He's got a lot of classics, man.

01:59:16.000 A lot of them.

01:59:17.000 There's something about that one scene where he's talking with Chubbs and he just met Chubbs and this and that.

01:59:27.000 He's shooting cans into the trash can and he hits Chubbs' wooden hand out into the street.

01:59:32.000 And Chubbs says, it's alright.

01:59:35.000 Super durable.

01:59:36.000 Made of great wood.

01:59:38.000 And crushes it.

01:59:41.000 Destroys me.

01:59:42.000 And then the next scene, it shows Chubbs missing fingers on his wooden hand. 0.98

01:59:48.000 Kills me.

01:59:49.000 You know, I'm not really that much into comedy movies now that I'm grown up, but one that destroys me at my spinal cord that I don't know when the last time you saw it, but it holds up great.

02:00:04.000 Kingpin.

02:00:05.000 Oh, Kingpin's amazing.

02:00:06.000 Oh my God. 0.99

02:00:07.000 Just the scene when Woody Harrelson's throwing up after he had sex with the lady. 0.99

02:00:11.000 Yeah. 0.98

02:00:12.000 Yeah.

02:00:14.000 And Bill Murray at the end, the entire flow of action with his hair and the comb over and how they capture it. 0.99

02:00:22.000 Holy shit. 0.99

02:00:23.000 It's a Farrelly Brothers movie, right? 1.00

02:00:25.000 Yeah.

02:00:25.000 And I did Punch-Up recently on a Farrelly Brothers project and I actually was talking with Peter Farrelly and I go, you know, Because it, like, came up.

02:00:36.000 Somehow Kingpin came up.

02:00:37.000 And I go, you know, I think Bill Murray should have been nominated for, you know, Best Comedic or Supporting or whatever.

02:00:45.000 You know, that category would have been.

02:00:47.000 And he actually goes, you know, it's funny.

02:00:49.000 I've always thought that in the back of my mind.

02:00:52.000 And it never happened.

02:00:54.000 But I completely agree with you there.

02:00:55.000 It's one of the greatest comedic performances anyone that I've ever worked with has done.

02:00:59.000 It really is.

02:01:00.000 Bill Murray's amazing too.

02:01:02.000 I watched Groundhog Day again.

02:01:03.000 I haven't seen that in forever. 0.99

02:01:05.000 It's fucking great. 0.99

02:01:06.000 It's a great movie. 0.99

02:01:07.000 It's really fun.

02:01:09.000 The Farrelly Brothers also made something about Mary.

02:01:12.000 That's another...

02:01:12.000 There's...

02:01:13.000 You know Steve Sharippa from The Sopranos?

02:01:14.000 Yeah.

02:01:15.000 Did you ever work for him when he was a booking guy?

02:01:17.000 No.

02:01:18.000 He used to book the Riviera.

02:01:19.000 Wow.

02:01:20.000 When I worked the Riviera, I used to get the gig through Steve Sharippa.

02:01:23.000 Steve Sharippa was a friend of mine before he did any acting.

02:01:26.000 Drew Carey got him on The Drew Carey Show, and then one time I worked for him, and he's telling me that Drew Carey had him on his TV show. 0.84

02:01:33.000 I go, oh, that's fucking awesome. 0.84

02:01:35.000 Next thing you know, the fucking Sopranos come out, and I'm working at TV... And Steve Sharip is on. 0.99

02:01:41.000 I can't remember if I found out, I think I found out beforehand, but I couldn't believe it. 0.98

02:01:45.000 When I was watching, I was like, I can't believe that's Steve Sharip. 0.97

02:01:47.000 And he's really fucking good. 0.96

02:01:49.000 Really good in that. 0.99

02:01:50.000 Really fucking good actor. 0.99

02:01:53.000 That is so weird that you knew that guy like that. 0.99

02:01:58.000 I do money at a regular job.

02:01:59.000 Him taking care of Uncle Junior on The Sopranos is masterful.

02:02:04.000 He's not that fat, by the way. 0.74

02:02:05.000 That's a fat suit.

02:02:06.000 Really? 0.70

02:02:07.000 Yeah.

02:02:07.000 They put a big old fat suit on him.

02:02:08.000 He's a huge guy.

02:02:10.000 Wow.

02:02:13.000 I was there with Steve Schrepp.

02:02:14.000 I was working.

02:02:14.000 Some guy lit a cigarette, smoked it, and then put it out on the floor of the carpet in the comedy store, in the comedy room in the Riviera.

02:02:25.000 And I thought Steve Schrepp was going to kill this guy.

02:02:28.000 He's screaming at him, pointing at his face. 1.00

02:02:30.000 Pick it up, you fucking slob. 1.00

02:02:31.000 That's crazy. 1.00

02:02:32.000 The first thing I got here is I was trying to find a menu for pricing from a wet market.

02:02:37.000 This is the closest I could get.

02:02:38.000 It's a tweet showing some sort of translation from it.

02:02:41.000 Okay.

02:02:42.000 Photo from the doban, what's that word mean?

02:02:47.000 Doban of a menu?

02:02:48.000 In Wuhan, Hunan Seafood Market.

02:02:51.000 Don't know when it was taken, but they sell all kinds of wild animals, including, oh my god, including live wolf pups and palm civets. 0.99

02:03:00.000 Holy shit, you could eat a wolf pup. 1.00

02:03:03.000 What the fuck, man? 1.00

02:03:05.000 Second photo taken after outbreak discovered shows this storefront, third left, covering the word for wild in its name. 0.99

02:03:13.000 So I was trying to get some sort of translation of what's on there.

02:03:18.000 Koala meat, deer meat, they have live seca deer, that's 6,000, I don't know if it's yen or yuan, Y-U-A-N. It's about 850 bucks.

02:03:28.000 You can get a live Sitka deer.

02:03:30.000 Crocodile tongue is about $45.

02:03:31.000 That's about $6, $6.50 or so.

02:03:35.000 Wow.

02:03:35.000 Camel meat, $25.

02:03:37.000 Oh my god. 0.99

02:03:39.000 Bull testicles, $12. 0.99

02:03:42.000 I don't know the accuracy of all this translation, but that's what I just found in here. 0.99

02:03:46.000 This is what happens when you need to eat, man. 0.98

02:03:50.000 You gotta feed a fucking billion people. 0.98

02:03:53.000 I will say, though, it also said that the wet markets are not actually that popular in big cities. 0.99

02:03:58.000 There's not even that many people that eat there.

02:03:59.000 So I don't know how prevalent it is there.

02:04:02.000 If it's something maybe in rural areas, I'm not sure.

02:04:04.000 Dude, that's even worse news.

02:04:06.000 Because that means the meat's gonna sit around for a while and cook.

02:04:09.000 It's all just going to funk in the sun and all the bacteria is going to jump from one fish to one frog to one cockroach.

02:04:19.000 Scary.

02:04:20.000 And on top of that, if you cough too much, the guys in hazmat suits will drag you away and no one will ever see you again. 0.82

02:04:29.000 Crazy.

02:04:32.000 If you found out that China was taking people that were sick and dragging them away and they were never heard from again, would you believe that? 0.59

02:04:43.000 Yeah.

02:04:44.000 Let me ask you this.

02:04:45.000 Journalists, you know that's true.

02:04:47.000 Yeah.

02:04:48.000 If you complain too much about China, they drag you. 1.00

02:04:52.000 They drag you. 0.99

02:04:53.000 They put you in a cell somewhere.

02:04:55.000 They take you away.

02:04:57.000 Happens all the time. 0.99

02:04:58.000 Guys get prison sentences for talking shit about the people in charge. 0.99

02:05:05.000 It's a weird place, man. 0.99

02:05:06.000 Like, this is the people that we have an antagonistic relationship with.

02:05:09.000 Look at all these bats.

02:05:12.000 Rush is even weirder, though, because they don't even hide it.

02:05:16.000 They just keep saying people are falling out of windows in Russia, these doctors.

02:05:20.000 It's like, no.

02:05:21.000 I don't think a doctor fell out of a window, especially three in one week.

02:05:25.000 Yeah, three doctors fell out.

02:05:27.000 Whoops.

02:05:27.000 They're not even trying.

02:05:29.000 It's like they could make it look like it's a suicide.

02:05:32.000 What do you think the doctors did?

02:05:36.000 I think they are cooking this lizard.

02:05:38.000 How weird is that?

02:05:39.000 Is that snake?

02:05:40.000 It's python, yeah.

02:05:41.000 Jesus Christ, they're cooking it with a blowtorch and then they just give it to you in a bag?

02:05:46.000 Oh, man.

02:05:47.000 Here.

02:05:49.000 Have some python.

02:05:50.000 You know what's weird?

02:05:52.000 Pythons are, they really want to get rid of them.

02:05:54.000 They're a huge problem, particularly in Florida where they're, oh my god, those are heads?

02:05:59.000 That's bat heads? 1.00

02:06:00.000 Look at the teeth and shit. 1.00

02:06:01.000 Yes. 1.00

02:06:03.000 Oh, Jesus.

02:06:07.000 What was I just talking about?

02:06:10.000 I got thrown off by that.

02:06:12.000 Uh, pythons.

02:06:14.000 Oh.

02:06:14.000 Yeah.

02:06:14.000 So you can't buy python skin products anymore, but yet they're trying to kill all the pythons in the Everglades.

02:06:20.000 Like, it's actually a resource.

02:06:22.000 Like, if you let people buy python skin in California, You would actually be contributing to getting rid of the pythons that are filling the whole Everglades as a giant problem in that these pythons, these wacky people in Florida got and then released.

02:06:40.000 They've become breeders and they were introduced into this environment that doesn't have any defense mechanisms for them.

02:06:46.000 There's nothing that knows what a python is.

02:06:48.000 They didn't evolve to get away from pythons or deal with pythons.

02:06:51.000 So because of that, everything's getting wiped out.

02:06:53.000 Everything.

02:06:54.000 They're down to no raccoons.

02:06:56.000 They have no bunnies anymore.

02:06:58.000 All the deer are missing.

02:06:59.000 They're starting to eat alligators.

02:07:00.000 They've caught a bunch of them.

02:07:02.000 Huge pythons with alligators inside.

02:07:05.000 They're eating alligators, bro! 0.92

02:07:07.000 They're the top of the food chain when it comes to Florida, and they're not even from there.

02:07:11.000 So they're eating everything.

02:07:13.000 Wow.

02:07:13.000 And they're huge.

02:07:14.000 They're huge predatory serpents.

02:07:17.000 And so people are catching them.

02:07:18.000 They're catching these 20-foot long ones just hanging out in the Everglades with a 20-foot long murderous python from another continent.

02:07:27.000 But you can't even buy, like, if you wanted to buy a python jacket. 1.00

02:07:31.000 You can't buy that, you piece of shit. 0.99

02:07:33.000 What, do you want to use python skin? 1.00

02:07:35.000 That's exotic. 1.00

02:07:36.000 You asshole. 1.00

02:07:39.000 But that's getting rid of the pythons if you buy it. 1.00

02:07:42.000 Yeah.

02:07:42.000 And also, they're murderous little heartless reptiles.

02:07:46.000 It's okay to have sheepskin, but it's not okay to have python.

02:07:50.000 That's bananas.

02:07:52.000 That doesn't make any sense.

02:07:53.000 Like, it's okay to eat meat.

02:07:54.000 It's okay to wear leather.

02:07:55.000 Cows seem super peaceful.

02:07:57.000 Snakes will eat your baby. 1.00

02:07:59.000 Leave your baby in a field with a python. 0.88

02:08:01.000 You come back, you get a fat python and no baby.

02:08:04.000 They just eat things.

02:08:05.000 They'll eat your baby. 1.00

02:08:06.000 They don't give a fuck. 1.00

02:08:07.000 They don't say, well, I gotta deal with people. 0.99

02:08:09.000 Me and people have a pact.

02:08:10.000 I'm not gonna eat them at all.

02:08:13.000 They make Cobra condoms?

02:08:16.000 I think they're thick. 1.00

02:08:17.000 I don't think you want that on your dick. 1.00

02:08:19.000 It's true. 1.00

02:08:21.000 Yeah.

02:08:22.000 I don't even understand their digestive system.

02:08:25.000 Like, what happens there?

02:08:28.000 I mean, it's all the same.

02:08:29.000 It's all just a tube.

02:08:31.000 Yeah.

02:08:32.000 Where's the heart?

02:08:33.000 On their Florida website about removing pythons, there's three ways to do it, they tell you.

02:08:39.000 Okay.

02:08:40.000 Using a captive bolt gun.

02:08:43.000 A bolt gun? 0.93

02:08:44.000 A firearm or decapitation. 0.73

02:08:46.000 Oh, Jesus. 0.98

02:08:47.000 A firearm. 1.00

02:08:48.000 Bunch of fucking yeehaws out there in the swamps listening to Leonard Skinner music and shooting shotguns. 1.00

02:08:56.000 That actually sounds like fun. 1.00

02:08:58.000 That sounds like a new reality show.

02:08:59.000 God, does that sound like fun.

02:09:01.000 Yeah, Lizard King.

02:09:02.000 Snake King.

02:09:03.000 Go out there and shoot some snakes. 1.00

02:09:06.000 Yeah, they need a fucking snake master. 1.00

02:09:09.000 A snake show. 1.00

02:09:10.000 That's it.

02:09:11.000 For sure.

02:09:11.000 The most humane way is immediate launch of consciousness and destruction of the brain.

02:09:16.000 How humane? 0.99

02:09:17.000 I'm trying to kill snakes. 1.00

02:09:19.000 Trying to kill them the best way I can. 1.00

02:09:20.000 You can do it anytime you want on private lands, it says, with landowner permission. 0.99

02:09:25.000 What's interesting is I think if given enough time, they're gonna kill everything and then they're gonna run out of food and they're gonna die off.

02:09:32.000 Or they're gonna start invading their way into cities. 0.78

02:09:34.000 They kill kids all the time. 0.98

02:09:36.000 Like when people leave a python in a room with their baby, those horror stories, I've read a bunch of those.

02:09:42.000 The python drops down and kills a baby.

02:09:45.000 I've heard it even like a python comes from a neighboring apartment, drops down through the ceiling and kills a kid. 1.00

02:09:51.000 Fuck. 1.00

02:09:54.000 Bro! 1.00

02:09:55.000 Bro!

02:09:56.000 Imagine you're getting wrapped up by a python, and you see the face coming over your head, and you realize what's going on. 0.99

02:10:02.000 And it's clamping down on your head, and it detaches its jaw, and it's spreading around you like, oh my god, you can't move your arms, you think your shoulder's broken, you're getting squeezed as it's doing this, and it's got its mouth on your fucking head, and it's slowly starting to take you into its body. 0.67

02:10:18.000 I get scared of animals that aren't even threatening. 0.86

02:10:22.000 I get scared of squirrels and whatnot if they look at me the wrong way.

02:10:26.000 If they're right next to you in a tree, and some of those things pretend like, because I live right next to a really awesome park, and I run through there almost every day, and some of these squirrels, they're like people squirrels.

02:10:40.000 I guess they must get fed a lot or something from humans walking by, and they will pretend like they're going to, like they will just get right up in your face.

02:10:49.000 Aggressive squirrel.

02:10:50.000 I got scared at my chair in my hallway the other day. 0.97

02:10:53.000 I thought, this is so stupid, but I was coming out of the bathroom, it was the end of the night, and my chair, I have this one extra chair that sort of moves around the living room. 0.91

02:11:04.000 Anyway, it ended up across the end of the hallway, and it was just sort of hanging out. 0.99

02:11:09.000 And for some reason it sort of looked like there was a crazy person smiling.

02:11:13.000 You thought your chair was a person?

02:11:15.000 Yes.

02:11:15.000 Super scared.

02:11:16.000 Like the type of scared.

02:11:18.000 Because I thought it was a person leaning back smiling. 1.00

02:11:21.000 And immediately my brain registered that as if there's someone leaning back smiling in your living room, you're completely fucked. 1.00

02:11:29.000 You've got real issues. 1.00

02:11:30.000 Right.

02:11:31.000 So my heart literally felt like... 0.99

02:11:34.000 I'm like, fuck, here goes the next seven minutes. 0.99

02:11:37.000 Had you just watched The Joker? 1.00

02:11:39.000 No.

02:11:39.000 You thought some crazy person was in your house?

02:11:42.000 No.

02:11:43.000 No, I had not just watched The Joker, but I did watch that.

02:11:45.000 But you're scared of squirrels as well, you were saying?

02:11:47.000 No.

02:11:47.000 Yeah, I mean, they can be freaky.

02:11:49.000 They can act a fool, you know? 0.99

02:11:53.000 You know what it is, I think? 0.99

02:11:54.000 I think a lot of people feed squirrels.

02:11:56.000 Yeah.

02:11:56.000 There's a park in North Hollywood.

02:11:58.000 I remember going there once and watching this old dude on his back.

02:12:02.000 And he would just lay on his back and pick up peanuts and hold them.

02:12:05.000 And the squirrels would come over and put their hands on his hand and then take the peanut and run away with it.

02:12:10.000 They did it all the time.

02:12:11.000 And they wouldn't even go that far.

02:12:12.000 They'd go a few feet from him and just start eating their peanut.

02:12:15.000 And then other squirrels would come by.

02:12:17.000 And they apparently had some sort of a, they've been doing it so often, people know they could just, as long as you're not making much movement, you look safe and hold it out there, they'll come get it from you. 0.99

02:12:30.000 But, did you see the video of the fucking monkey riding a motorcycle? 0.99

02:12:34.000 Yes. 1.00

02:12:34.000 That pulls up and tries to steal a baby? 1.00

02:12:37.000 Unbelievable.

02:12:37.000 If you haven't seen this, this is the most 2020 video you will ever see.

02:12:42.000 It is 2020, encapsulated. 0.94

02:12:44.000 Like, this is how fucking mad the world's gone. 0.98

02:12:46.000 Here's a monkey on a motorcycle. 0.99

02:12:50.000 That goes zipping up the street, bails off the motorcycle, and tries to steal a baby. 0.99

02:12:56.000 My favorite part of it is I watched it like 20 times in a row, and I love how the guy taking the video from his top story apartment is laughing.

02:13:10.000 It starts, and you don't see the monkey, and then he sees the monkey on the motorcycle, and he starts laughing, and he's laughing more as it gets closer, and And he even laughs one more beat when the monkey grabs the kid, because he's like, haha, you know, like, he's like,

02:13:25.000 huh.

02:13:25.000 Here it comes, watch.

02:13:26.000 Here's the monkey on the motorcycle, bails, grabs the kid, throws the kid to the ground, it's a little baby, and starts dragging him away, tries to steal him, because he wants to eat the baby.

02:13:35.000 Yeah, it's like a horror movie at that part.

02:13:37.000 Dude.

02:13:38.000 And that guy runs out chasing after the monkey. 1.00

02:13:40.000 Monkeys will kill you and eat you. 1.00

02:13:42.000 That's a fact. 0.98

02:13:43.000 If you're a baby in particular, monkey kills 12-day-old baby after snatching it from his breastfeeding mother and family home.

02:13:49.000 Bro, where is that at?

02:13:52.000 Where'd that take place?

02:13:53.000 I was trying...

02:13:54.000 It just popped up while I was looking for that.

02:13:55.000 Oh, my God.

02:13:56.000 What does it say there?

02:13:58.000 In India. 0.51

02:13:59.000 Agri, yeah.

02:14:00.000 Oh, my God.

02:14:02.000 The latest warning sign that primates are being forced into cities to search for food amid environmental destruction.

02:14:08.000 This is November of 2018. Oh, I know.

02:14:11.000 I just...

02:14:11.000 No, no, no.

02:14:12.000 I'm saying, imagine what they're like now.

02:14:15.000 I was going to say, because did you see that thing about what's going on in Thailand?

02:14:19.000 Where there was nobody in the street, so there was just like hordes of monkeys running through the street that are starving, that are used to tourists feeding them.

02:14:25.000 Oh my god.

02:14:26.000 So there's just hordes of monkeys running through. 0.99

02:14:28.000 Like, where the fuck is everybody? 0.99

02:14:29.000 Where's all the food? 0.99

02:14:30.000 Bro, it's crazy.

02:14:32.000 Watch this.

02:14:34.000 Crazy.

02:14:35.000 It's so weird.

02:14:36.000 It's so weird.

02:14:37.000 And then on top of that, rats in New York City.

02:14:40.000 Rats in New York City, there's no restaurants open anymore, right? 0.96

02:14:43.000 So the restaurants are not dropping off the normal amount of garbage, and these rats are accustomed to it. 0.98

02:14:47.000 Their whole ecosystem is dependent upon it. 0.70

02:14:49.000 Look at this.

02:14:50.000 Starving monkey gangs battle in Thailand as coronavirus keeps tourists away.

02:14:55.000 Look at that. 1.00

02:14:55.000 Look at that fucking picture. 1.00

02:14:57.000 Oh fuck. 1.00

02:14:58.000 The streets are filled with monkeys. 1.00

02:15:00.000 Dude, if you're a little kid and you go wandering into that, I guarantee you they will kill you and eat you. 1.00

02:15:06.000 Guarantee you. 1.00

02:15:07.000 If you're a four-year-old kid and you go stumble into that, you're dead. 0.99

02:15:10.000 They'll tear you apart.

02:15:13.000 You know, they don't have rules.

02:15:15.000 Such a strange animal.

02:15:17.000 Like, they're smart and they're sneaky.

02:15:19.000 Like, look at this video.

02:15:21.000 No social distancing whatsoever. 0.97

02:15:24.000 This is rats. 0.99

02:15:26.000 Those are like rats.

02:15:27.000 They're so dangerous. 1.00

02:15:29.000 They don't give a fuck about you and they look mean. 0.99

02:15:32.000 Some of them have mean faces. 1.00

02:15:34.000 Because they've been used to other monkeys being mean to them and everything trying to eat them and kill them. 1.00

02:15:39.000 Look at that fucking... 1.00

02:15:40.000 They're tearing this one apart. 1.00

02:15:41.000 Oh my god!

02:15:44.000 See, this is the thing about rats now.

02:15:46.000 Rats are cannibalizing each other. 0.66

02:15:49.000 For sure they're going to kill babies and eat babies. 1.00

02:15:51.000 These little crazy monkeys. 1.00

02:15:54.000 Oh, people are feeding them?

02:15:55.000 Good.

02:15:56.000 Better keep feeding them. 0.97

02:15:57.000 Better feed them poison. 0.92

02:16:00.000 There's too many of them. 0.97

02:16:01.000 See how many monkeys that was?

02:16:03.000 Yeah.

02:16:04.000 So rats in New York apparently are cannibalizing each other.

02:16:07.000 They're invading other rat territories, taking over and just fighting. 1.00

02:16:11.000 There's no fucking food for them. 1.00

02:16:12.000 That's great. 1.00

02:16:12.000 So we'll know when the next disease happens how it was made from rats eating each other in New York City. 1.00

02:16:17.000 Oh my god, imagine if that's what it is.

02:16:19.000 Imagine if that becomes the big Will Smith movie plotline.

02:16:26.000 Like this is how I Am Legend 2 begins.

02:16:29.000 The rats eat the other rats and they get some sort of mad rat disease.

02:16:35.000 Because that's where mad cow disease came from. 0.99

02:16:37.000 It came from cows eating cows. 1.00

02:16:40.000 Cows being fed cows.

02:16:42.000 Rats eat a bunch of rat brains. 0.96

02:16:44.000 They evolve. 1.00

02:16:46.000 Fuck! 1.00

02:16:49.000 Man. 1.00

02:16:53.000 In all honesty, I think we got a little too high before the show.

02:16:58.000 Probably.

02:16:58.000 Haven't done it in a while.

02:16:59.000 Because we went down all the rabbit holes that you go down when you're high.

02:17:05.000 Do you know anybody other than Michael Yeo who caught coronavirus?

02:17:09.000 No.

02:17:09.000 No, and it makes me mad.

02:17:11.000 Because, like, it just doesn't feel that real to me.

02:17:15.000 It seems like as many people as I know I should know more.

02:17:18.000 And I'm asking people that I know if they know anybody and they don't know anybody.

02:17:22.000 I know a few people.

02:17:23.000 You do?

02:17:24.000 Yeah, I know.

02:17:24.000 I know three, four, five, six, seven.

02:17:33.000 Seven.

02:17:34.000 Yeah, Sturgill got it.

02:17:35.000 That's seven.

02:17:36.000 I know a bunch of people that got it.

02:17:39.000 Eight.

02:17:39.000 I know eight.

02:17:40.000 I know eight people that got it.

02:17:41.000 Do they know how they got it?

02:17:42.000 Just from hanging out or traveling?

02:17:45.000 Michael Yeo got it from New York.

02:17:47.000 He went and flew down after he did my podcast and did Gotham.

02:17:51.000 And I believe he was sick.

02:17:53.000 He's going to tell us next week.

02:17:55.000 I believe he was sick and then he caught Corona.

02:17:58.000 I'm pretty sure.

02:17:59.000 And worn out because he was flying.

02:18:01.000 Probably not much sleep.

02:18:03.000 That's the weird thing to me is because I traveled so much.

02:18:07.000 December, January, and February.

02:18:10.000 Pretty much continuously.

02:18:11.000 Almost every single weekend.

02:18:13.000 And then obviously back to LA. Nothing's that short of a flight except for Vancouver at the end of January.

02:18:20.000 And like...

02:18:21.000 You know, there's a lot of...

02:18:24.000 I have Chinese friends.

02:18:26.000 There was obviously Chinese people on the plane.

02:18:30.000 I helped one lady that seemed sick.

02:18:33.000 It was like my good deed that I was doing.

02:18:36.000 I was like being a nice guy.

02:18:37.000 She was sitting right next to me and she was sniffling and coughing. 0.98

02:18:41.000 And I got on the Wi-Fi on... 0.84

02:18:45.000 On my phone and she basically signaled to me like she pointed at the Wi-Fi signal at the top of my phone and was like pointing at her phone and I'm like all right I'll figure it out but it wasn't an iPhone so I had a lot of trouble and I was touching it more than I wanted to and then I couldn't get on her Wi-Fi and then she pulled out an iPad that wasn't an actual iPad it was another like whatever Motorola brand or whatever you know and I'm there I am touching that I'm like fuck this is not and she was like Yeah.

02:19:13.000 And it was stupid of me. 0.98

02:19:15.000 And again, this is like before Corona was mainstream news in January or whatever. 1.00

02:19:21.000 But like, I'm like, God damn it. 0.94

02:19:23.000 I just wanted to help this lady real quick. 1.00

02:19:25.000 Now it's taken forever.

02:19:27.000 And it wasn't even able to get her on the Wi-Fi.

02:19:30.000 But I thought to myself when this all came out, I'm like, I probably had it then and just blew through it because I don't really ever get the flu or get sick.

02:19:37.000 My body just like gets rid of everything in like a few hours normally.

02:19:41.000 Yeah.

02:19:42.000 From all the pasta.

02:19:44.000 Study shows that the more pasta you eat, the better your body fights diseases.

02:19:49.000 People are so mad at you.

02:19:51.000 But then I found out from the test today that I've never had it.

02:19:54.000 Yeah.

02:19:55.000 I thought I had it.

02:19:56.000 Well, everybody thinks they had it.

02:19:57.000 Everybody has this thing.

02:19:58.000 Oh yeah, I remember that time.

02:19:59.000 Here's the thing.

02:20:00.000 All those other colds are still around, folks.

02:20:03.000 This is one thing that people have to really pay attention to.

02:20:07.000 I almost hope they don't pay attention to it.

02:20:10.000 I hope there's some sort of a cure and everybody relaxes their grip on fear.

02:20:16.000 Because if they really start paying attention to all the things that are killing all the people all the time, it's a mess out there.

02:20:24.000 It's a mess.

02:20:26.000 And the big one's cigarettes.

02:20:28.000 That's the big one.

02:20:30.000 I was reading something today.

02:20:31.000 Cigarettes might actually kill coronavirus.

02:20:33.000 I'm like, propaganda!

02:20:34.000 Reefer madness! 0.77

02:20:36.000 I smell a rat!

02:20:37.000 I smell a rat!

02:20:39.000 Cigarettes might actually cure coronavirus.

02:20:42.000 Nicotine.

02:20:43.000 But there was a whole thing they were saying that people that smoke cigarettes and people that vape might be more vulnerable.

02:20:48.000 Remember that?

02:20:49.000 I ignore those ones because I vape.

02:20:53.000 I only read the pro-vaping ones.

02:20:57.000 But no, there are a few studies, and I read one very early on in this, that say nicotine is of assistance.

02:21:04.000 They're not pro-smoking or pro-vaping, but they are saying...

02:21:08.000 Nicotine itself, like chew, right?

02:21:11.000 Patches, chew... 1.00

02:21:13.000 That stuff gets you high as fuck. 1.00

02:21:15.000 Hell yeah, it does. 0.99

02:21:16.000 That was my first buzz ever in my life, and I'll never forget it.

02:21:19.000 I fell on my butt at a 90 degree angle.

02:21:21.000 My legs stayed locked up and my back was straight.

02:21:25.000 I lacked the knowledge of how to keep your dip in one place.

02:21:32.000 I'm not good at packing it and keeping it in one place.

02:21:34.000 It moves around in my mouth and I wind up swallowing a lot of it.

02:21:37.000 I swallowed the whole thing.

02:21:39.000 I was like, where's he spitting?

02:21:41.000 And then you just realized at the same time...

02:21:43.000 I go, oh, I swallowed it.

02:21:48.000 You swallowed the actual tobacco? 1.00

02:21:51.000 Yeah, I took a big fucking plug of dip. 0.99

02:21:54.000 Did it feel like you were going to throw up after that? 0.99

02:21:58.000 No, fortunately.

02:21:59.000 Wow.

02:21:59.000 Yeah, it was nothing.

02:22:01.000 It was no big deal.

02:22:02.000 I mean, maybe I had a little like, ugh, that feels weird.

02:22:04.000 But it's just plant matter.

02:22:06.000 My body just digested it.

02:22:08.000 Plant matter is one way of putting it.

02:22:10.000 I think a lot of people would probably throw up.

02:22:12.000 I was wondering if I was going to get extra high.

02:22:14.000 Yeah.

02:22:15.000 Because that's the thing about, I remember the first time I ever smoked cigar, I was like, oh, you get high from this.

02:22:20.000 Mm-hmm.

02:22:20.000 You guys are just on a different high.

02:22:22.000 You're on a high where you could definitely drive.

02:22:24.000 You definitely talk normal.

02:22:26.000 Yeah.

02:22:27.000 But it's pleasurable.

02:22:30.000 The tobacco pipe smoking or cigar smoking high, it's very pleasurable. 1.00

02:22:36.000 Fuck yeah. 1.00

02:22:37.000 It is. 1.00

02:22:38.000 Cigarettes are my favorite thing I've ever done in my life.

02:22:41.000 It's been two years since I had one, but I can say without any hesitation, it is my favorite thing. 0.99

02:22:46.000 If I ever find out I have a month or two to live, I'm fucking... 0.98

02:22:50.000 I'm gonna smoke it. 0.98

02:22:53.000 I'm gonna smoke continuously.

02:22:55.000 I won't even breathe normal air.

02:22:57.000 I remember when Patrick Swayze was dying of pancreatic cancer.

02:23:02.000 Hell yeah.

02:23:02.000 And he kept smoking.

02:23:03.000 And people were like, what?

02:23:05.000 It's almost like they're mad at him.

02:23:06.000 Like, why would you do that when you're dying of cancer?

02:23:09.000 Well, why wouldn't you do it when you're dying of cancer?

02:23:11.000 That's the time when you should smoke. 0.99

02:23:12.000 Damn right. 0.99

02:23:13.000 You should have smoked up until the time you got cancer. 0.99

02:23:15.000 But now that you've got cancer, smoke them if you've got them, Pat. 1.00

02:23:18.000 Fuck yeah. 1.00

02:23:20.000 Coffee and a cigarette? 1.00

02:23:21.000 How many cigars Michael Jordan smoking during that last dance throughout the height of the 90s in his career?

02:23:28.000 Smoked a lot of cigars.

02:23:28.000 All of the time.

02:23:30.000 Constantly.

02:23:30.000 I know you're not a big basketball guy, but have you been watching that at all?

02:23:33.000 No, I heard it's amazing though. 0.97

02:23:35.000 Yeah, that's one where I literally thought of you during this last one and I'm like, I know Joe isn't watching this because of basketball, but you would fucking love it.

02:23:45.000 Because, especially this last one, their coach, Phil Jackson, and his brain and the way he can motivate people. 0.97

02:23:53.000 I mean, it is fucking shocking. 0.88

02:23:56.000 Never out of everything I've ever watched have I paused something and just thought about it for a few minutes and then hit play again and rewind again on a documentary. 0.98

02:24:05.000 It's insane.

02:24:07.000 Well, he's a super winner.

02:24:09.000 Those are always really interesting.

02:24:12.000 Anyone who's that driven to be such a winner, you stand out amongst winners as being so exceptional.

02:24:19.000 Who's the GOAT? Michael Jordan is always the first pick.

02:24:24.000 Wonder, like, how would LeBron, how would this, that?

02:24:28.000 But everybody always says Michael Jordan.

02:24:30.000 Like, to be that much of a super winner, you think about all the people that are playing basketball, all the people that are around him that are world-class athletes, professional athletes, and he stands out amongst them.

02:24:39.000 He's so wildly competitive that he will beat you in your own game.

02:24:43.000 He will ask you what you're playing.

02:24:45.000 If you were playing with something, you'd go, what is that?

02:24:48.000 And he will immediately start.

02:24:51.000 And his only goal is to beat you at what you love and what you think you're good at.

02:24:57.000 Whatever it is.

02:24:58.000 So it just happens to be that basketball is the one that...

02:25:02.000 He chose, but also then he got that way with shoes. 0.98

02:25:05.000 He's like, alright, well, if I'm going to sign a fucking shoe deal, then I'm going to do this the right way. 0.96

02:25:10.000 Doesn't he do that with golf, too? 0.98

02:25:12.000 Isn't he really into gambling with golf?

02:25:14.000 Everything.

02:25:15.000 Yeah.

02:25:16.000 They throw coins against a wall and he's gambling with the security guards and he can't wait to take their money.

02:25:21.000 He cannot wait. 0.99

02:25:22.000 He's talking shit to these guys that are protecting him. 1.00

02:25:26.000 That is so crazy. 1.00

02:25:28.000 That's so crazy.

02:25:29.000 In a game where you try to get the closest to the wall with a quarter.

02:25:32.000 He used to have a celebrity pool tournament in Chicago.

02:25:36.000 Wow.

02:25:37.000 Yeah, he had a pool tournament that he did all the time, like a charity pool tournament.

02:25:40.000 And I heard if you beat him at pool, he hates you.

02:25:43.000 Yeah, that sounds about right.

02:25:46.000 Everything that I'm gathering from this documentary is that.

02:25:48.000 If you're a super...

02:25:49.000 I mean, not just a regular winner, but just a super winner.

02:25:55.000 He's so off the charts as far as like...

02:25:58.000 To be that kind of an achiever, you have to have a madness about you that's probably intolerable for most people.

02:26:05.000 Just the desire to win...

02:26:07.000 Conquer.

02:26:08.000 In other days, man, those were gladiators.

02:26:11.000 In other days, those were generals.

02:26:13.000 There's a lot of people that get into pro sports that it's really, in a lot of ways, it moves them away from war in the best way that we know how possible.

02:26:25.000 But if we didn't have those, if there was no sports and people just conquered each other, Those would be the kings of the world.

02:26:32.000 The football players, that Thor guy who just deadlifted the world record, the Game of Thrones guy.

02:26:37.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:26:38.000 Do you see that shit? 1.00

02:26:38.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00

02:26:39.000 Deadlifted 1,100 and something pounds, barefoot, looking barely like the same thing as you and I. Right.

02:26:47.000 Like, what is that?

02:26:48.000 That's a person?

02:26:49.000 That's a person too?

02:26:52.000 Okay.

02:26:52.000 What?

02:26:54.000 Crazy.

02:26:54.000 So Bobby Lee's a person...

02:26:58.000 And that Thor guy's a person too.

02:26:59.000 They're the same thing?

02:27:00.000 Yeah.

02:27:01.000 The same thing.

02:27:04.000 Wow.

02:27:05.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:27:05.000 How the fuck? 1.00

02:27:09.000 It's unbelievable. 0.99

02:27:10.000 Did you watch the video of him lifting it?

02:27:13.000 Oh, the video of Tyson too?

02:27:14.000 Yeah.

02:27:14.000 That's crazy.

02:27:16.000 Tyson apparently has decided that he wants to box in some charity boxing matches, so he put up some video of him hitting the pads.

02:27:23.000 Oh my god, please tell me if Vander Holyfield didn't say that he wants to fight.

02:27:27.000 Yeah.

02:27:27.000 Oh my god.

02:27:28.000 Look at this.

02:27:28.000 It says, are you ready?

02:27:29.000 The moment you've all been waiting for.

02:27:31.000 The champ is back.

02:27:32.000 I'd like to announce I'll be making a comeback to the ring.

02:27:36.000 I'm training to promote a charity that's very close to me.

02:27:40.000 Our Unite for Our Fight campaign aims to fill the void the pandemic has created on access to resources our youth needs for emotional development and education.

02:27:51.000 Can you imagine if Mike Tyson and Evander Holyfield have a third fight when they're in their 50s?

02:27:57.000 Wow.

02:27:58.000 Even if it's for charity?

02:27:59.000 Even if it's for charity.

02:28:01.000 It might be.

02:28:02.000 That's what it's sounding like. 0.99

02:28:04.000 Holy shit, you're right. 0.98

02:28:06.000 That is exactly what it's sounding like. 0.99

02:28:08.000 Look at the size of his traps. 0.97

02:28:10.000 How ridiculous are those? 0.98

02:28:11.000 They go right to his shoulders. 0.99

02:28:13.000 Hold on.

02:28:14.000 Go to that picture again. 0.99

02:28:15.000 His traps are ridiculous. 0.99

02:28:18.000 Just look at that. 0.99

02:28:19.000 Look at his traps.

02:28:22.000 They just go straight to his shoulder.

02:28:25.000 Evander Holyfield was the first guy in modern boxing who employed like a really rigorous weightlifting regime that allowed him to successfully go up.

02:28:39.000 Well, Michael Spinks did it too when he beat Larry Holmes, but then he got destroyed by Tyson.

02:28:44.000 I mean, he was really a light heavyweight that used his movement to outbox Larry Holmes when Larry Holmes was like sort of getting close to the twilight of his career, but That wasn't the case with Evander.

02:28:55.000 Evander became a heavyweight.

02:28:57.000 He was the cruiserweight champ, and he was like a slim guy when he fought Dwight Mohamed Kawi.

02:29:04.000 And then when he went to be a heavyweight, he thickened up, man.

02:29:07.000 He bulked up, purposely bulked up, had some amazing strength and conditioning videos that they showed of all the different shit that he was doing, preparing. 0.97

02:29:17.000 The way the guy worked out was insane. 0.77

02:29:19.000 It came up in the Jordan documentary too.

02:29:21.000 He was like maybe 200 pounds for the first couple years of his career and then bulked up to 215, solid muscle.

02:29:28.000 Yeah, I heard it was after playing the Pistons.

02:29:29.000 They were real physical.

02:29:30.000 His trainer, he said, would go back after every game and count the number of steps he took with each foot and the direction he was taking so he would know how tired he should be and what he should be doing for him the next day and whatnot.

02:29:43.000 Oh my god.

02:29:44.000 So he had left foot, right foot.

02:29:45.000 Left foot is back, right foot's forward.

02:29:47.000 He would play, which they don't do today.

02:29:50.000 He played in all 82 games.

02:29:53.000 He was rarely ever hurt because he knew that people were coming, which was true, to see him play.

02:29:57.000 And if he didn't give them that performance, he felt like he was cheating everyone.

02:30:01.000 And every time he would play anyone for the first time, he needed to show, like, he could never, ever let anyone ever Make them feel like they got one over on him.

02:30:15.000 So not only each game for the audience that are seeing him for the first time in which he needs to dominate, but especially towards his opponent who literally thinks that maybe today will be my lucky day.

02:30:28.000 You know, I'm going up against Jordan.

02:30:30.000 This is, you know, it's the middle of the season.

02:30:32.000 He'll probably...

02:30:33.000 He's not gonna...

02:30:35.000 He puts up 60 points or whatever in your face, like embarrasses you.

02:30:39.000 You fall on the ground.

02:30:40.000 He crosses you over.

02:30:41.000 He does everything that, you know, you get embarrassed. 0.99

02:30:44.000 He would try to make a fool out of these people.

02:30:47.000 I remember the first time I saw a photo of him, it looked like he had leapt from center court, flying through the air to dunk. 0.94

02:30:55.000 And I'm like, how does a human even do that?

02:30:59.000 Yeah.

02:31:00.000 How does a 200 plus pound human fly through the air like that?

02:31:05.000 And even towards the end of his career, they just showed one where it's the all-star game.

02:31:11.000 So he got to go up against Kobe Bryant for the first time because they're in two different conferences that don't normally play.

02:31:17.000 And Kobe's this 18-year-old that just went straight from high school to the NBA, completely dominating his side of things, going up against Jordan for the first time ever.

02:31:28.000 And everybody on Kobe's side is saying, you know, Kobe asked us to let him have Jordan, and Jordan's on his side.

02:31:35.000 They have actual footage. 0.90

02:31:36.000 That's what's crazy about this documentary, is that somehow this fucking camera crew, Jordan let them come along in the ride in this green room for all this crazy exclusive content. 0.94

02:31:47.000 And he's saying to the guys, he goes, you guys all know, this is in the, not the green room, but the locker room before you guys, you guys all know this kid's coming after me, right? 0.96

02:31:56.000 Yeah.

02:31:57.000 Like, he's going to want me, so let me have him, blah, blah, blah, blah, because he wants to show the kid.

02:32:01.000 And sure enough, even though Kobe's 18 and peak, peak, peak physical condition, Jordan wins the MVP of that All-Star game, crushing it against a young Kobe Bryant.

02:32:14.000 Wow, how crazy was he?

02:32:15.000 He decided in the middle of all that, I'm just going to play baseball.

02:32:18.000 I'm just gonna be the best at baseball.

02:32:20.000 They go deep into it, which is interesting, how the media and not a social media time period was fucking hammering him because they built him up to be this young guy out of North Carolina, Olympic superstar, Literally scored more points than anybody's ever scored as a rookie in the NBA. All this attention.

02:32:39.000 And now he's the man.

02:32:40.000 And they started beating him down with some of the gambling stuff he was doing.

02:32:43.000 It got leaked out and then just added attention. 0.99

02:32:46.000 And he's like, you know, fuck this. 0.99

02:32:47.000 I'm gonna quit. 1.00

02:32:48.000 I'm out.

02:32:48.000 See ya.

02:32:49.000 Quit.

02:32:49.000 Wow.

02:32:50.000 Because of all the negative attention.

02:32:52.000 That's what they said.

02:32:53.000 Interesting.

02:32:53.000 Makes sense.

02:32:55.000 Well, that's what happens when you become that guy.

02:32:58.000 There's so much interest.

02:33:00.000 To be that guy, first of all, you have to have a fire burning inside you like most people will never be able to comprehend. 0.98

02:33:08.000 And a guy like that's going to be into other kinds of wild shit, too, like gambling. 0.97

02:33:11.000 He's going to want to have thrills. 0.99

02:33:12.000 He's going to drive fast cars.

02:33:14.000 He's a wild man.

02:33:16.000 A wild man at the peak of If you think about professional basketball, you watch an NBA game, and all the thought that's involved in which way you're going, and the ability to explode, and then the ability to, in the middle of all that, land a precision shot into a hole.

02:33:33.000 There's really not another sport like that.

02:33:35.000 I mean, baseball is you're trying to hit something that's coming at you like crazy.

02:33:41.000 You're swinging as fast as you can.

02:33:43.000 And there's a lot of skill to that as well, obviously.

02:33:45.000 And there's a lot of skill to pitching.

02:33:47.000 But there's something unique about basketball.

02:33:49.000 And that in all this chaos, you've got to find stillness.

02:33:53.000 In all this chaos, you've got to find the ability to stop.

02:33:57.000 And throw a perfect shot off. 0.89

02:33:58.000 So it's not just incredible physical ability.

02:34:02.000 It's incredible physical ability and then touch.

02:34:05.000 It's real weird.

02:34:07.000 It's a very interesting sport in that way. 0.99

02:34:09.000 It requires you to have your shit together. 1.00

02:34:12.000 To execute that shot, you have to have your shit together. 1.00

02:34:14.000 And you have to have mad practice. 1.00

02:34:16.000 One of the things that I used to love about growing up in Boston was Larry Bird stories.

02:34:22.000 Larry Bird was apparently just...

02:34:25.000 An insanely disciplined professional basketball player.

02:34:29.000 He would get there and practice before everybody, stay after everybody, practice things left and right.

02:34:34.000 And when they would have those three-point competitions, remember we would have those all-star three-point competitions, in the locker room he would just be like, which one of you guys is coming in second?

02:34:43.000 That's what he would do.

02:34:44.000 Just walk in.

02:34:45.000 They all knew.

02:34:46.000 But it was just because he...

02:34:48.000 First of all, he could execute under pressure.

02:34:51.000 And two, he was just better.

02:34:53.000 He could do things better than most people.

02:34:55.000 And even he said sometimes he thought it was God pretending to be Michael Jordan.

02:35:01.000 Yeah.

02:35:02.000 Yeah.

02:35:03.000 That's how good Michael Jordan was.

02:35:05.000 Every single legend is completely...

02:35:09.000 They have such good interviews with everybody.

02:35:12.000 They have such great stories.

02:35:14.000 It's crazy how, you know, I've always said a documentary has the potential to destroy...

02:35:23.000 Be better than any other type of story.

02:35:25.000 Whether it be a movie or a book.

02:35:27.000 Because if it's unbelievable...

02:35:29.000 It's like the Tiger King. 0.98

02:35:30.000 If it's fucking amazing and it's real, you can't beat it. 0.99

02:35:34.000 You can't beat it. 0.97

02:35:35.000 And that's what The Last Dance is doing.

02:35:37.000 It's crazy.

02:35:38.000 I don't know if you have a...

02:35:40.000 A VPN or not, but you can reset on Netflix.

02:35:44.000 It's around the world.

02:35:46.000 So you can watch it.

02:35:47.000 Yeah.

02:35:47.000 If you set your location, you can watch it without commercials.

02:35:50.000 Yeah, ExpressVPN is one of my sponsors.

02:35:51.000 Yep.

02:35:52.000 They show you that.

02:35:52.000 Yep, ours too.

02:35:53.000 So where are you getting it from?

02:35:55.000 I go to my ExpressVPN and I set my location for somewhere else.

02:35:59.000 What do you set it for?

02:36:00.000 Usually, I don't know, Germany or Switzerland or whatever.

02:36:03.000 You can just openly say that on the internet.

02:36:05.000 Yeah.

02:36:05.000 You're a Yeah.

02:36:08.000 And then I go on Netflix, and no commercials.

02:36:13.000 Just binge it.

02:36:15.000 Why don't they have it on Netflix here?

02:36:16.000 It's ESPN-Netflix co-presentation.

02:36:20.000 Oh! 0.60

02:36:21.000 It's literally such a great documentary that they had to work their own, like, first-ever super deal, ESPN and Netflix.

02:36:28.000 Does ESPN Plus have it on their app?

02:36:30.000 Okay, I have that.

02:36:31.000 It's supposedly not even done yet.

02:36:32.000 I heard they're still editing the final episode or whatever.

02:36:34.000 Like, they had to rush it out...

02:36:35.000 Yeah, I don't...

02:36:36.000 It's interesting because like, do you want to be that guy?

02:36:39.000 First of all, you probably can't.

02:36:41.000 But second of all, even if you could, do you want to be that guy?

02:36:44.000 Do you want to be so driven and obsessed, maniacal in it?

02:36:49.000 I don't know.

02:36:49.000 It's a good question.

02:36:50.000 I think he's pretty happy. 0.98

02:36:52.000 Oh, he's pretty fucking amazing. 0.95

02:36:54.000 Don't get me wrong, but I'm saying like, first of all, you wouldn't be that guy. 0.93

02:36:59.000 Like, it's a special fire that burns in that guy.

02:37:01.000 Yeah.

02:37:01.000 Most people just do not have.

02:37:03.000 You don't have it.

02:37:04.000 Right.

02:37:05.000 But would you trade it?

02:37:06.000 Would you trade, would you want to be the obsessed winner?

02:37:12.000 Is it too much pressure?

02:37:14.000 It's too weird to want to be that person who just wins, wins, wins, wins, just dunking on people. 0.99

02:37:20.000 The fucking, his logo is him flying through the air ready to dunk on people. 0.99

02:37:24.000 There's a lot of times he was doing things specifically to shit on the general manager that was like, and control the team. 1.00

02:37:31.000 Oh my god. 0.99

02:37:31.000 They had like, bring in a new player and be like, oh watch what we're about to do to this fucking guy. 0.99

02:37:34.000 You think that, and he was just, they'd shit on him, all the bullying they said. 0.99

02:37:38.000 This is this little guy, Jerry Krause. 1.00

02:37:39.000 And they really fucking bully him. 0.99

02:37:42.000 And that's coming from me. 0.99

02:37:43.000 The way that he insults this GM is ruthless.

02:37:49.000 It is insane. 0.98

02:37:51.000 It's a ruthless man. 0.92

02:37:51.000 It's not even funny. 0.92

02:37:54.000 If you want to make money off that guy, that's what you want.

02:37:57.000 You want a guy who is not rational about it. 1.00

02:38:00.000 He's just insane. 0.98

02:38:02.000 But then again, okay?

02:38:04.000 Then you get a guy like Wayne Gretzky.

02:38:06.000 He's arguably one of the best hockey players of all time, yet almost universally treated as a really nice guy.

02:38:15.000 Yeah, well, he's Canadian.

02:38:17.000 Oh, that's what it is.

02:38:21.000 We don't count those kind in the nice department.

02:38:25.000 Do you see that Canada banned assault weapons?

02:38:28.000 They banned all assault weapons.

02:38:29.000 There's like a two-year grace period.

02:38:31.000 You got like two years, then you got to turn in your AR-15s.

02:38:35.000 That is not making the gun people here happy. 0.63

02:38:39.000 Very, very upset.

02:38:41.000 And people are pointing something out, too.

02:38:43.000 This is like a video of a Canadian sheriff discussing it.

02:38:45.000 And he said, out of all the shootings that I've ever been a part of where there's illegal activity like that and horrible crimes that are being committed, he goes, it's never with a licensed gun over.

02:38:55.000 These aren't licensed gun owners.

02:38:56.000 These are people that got these guns.

02:38:59.000 They're going to get these guns illegally anyway. 0.99

02:39:02.000 Just because they're not legal doesn't mean they're not...

02:39:03.000 They're going to do an illegal thing.

02:39:05.000 They don't need a legal gun to do an illegal thing.

02:39:07.000 And if you think that some...

02:39:08.000 All you're going to do is make it more difficult and more money for the gun runners.

02:39:13.000 It's going to, for sure, it's going to be something where it's more risky for them, but it's also going to be more profitable.

02:39:19.000 It's going to be hard to get a gun over there.

02:39:21.000 But people are still going to do it.

02:39:22.000 They bring coke in from South America.

02:39:24.000 They're going to bring guns into Canada.

02:39:26.000 It's going to happen, but only the criminals are going to have them now.

02:39:29.000 Getting an illegal assault weapon is the nicest thing anybody getting an assault weapon is doing.

02:39:36.000 Yes, exactly.

02:39:37.000 Perfectly put.

02:39:38.000 That's exactly what it is.

02:39:41.000 It's just, I wish there was a world where we didn't need guns.

02:39:44.000 I wish, for sure.

02:39:46.000 But that's not this world.

02:39:48.000 It doesn't mean you don't love people.

02:39:50.000 It just means, like, you gotta look at things practically.

02:39:52.000 You can't look at things the way you want them to be.

02:39:54.000 You gotta look at things the way they are.

02:39:56.000 The way they are is, there's more guns than there are people.

02:40:00.000 And to say you can't have a gun anymore, it's like, okay, well, who gets to have a gun?

02:40:04.000 And who's going to take the guns away?

02:40:06.000 And what are we going to do about the Constitution?

02:40:08.000 And why?

02:40:09.000 Can we vote on this?

02:40:11.000 Or should this be a part of the Bill of Rights, where this is how we are, and this is how this country is established, and this is the things we agree on?

02:40:17.000 We don't want to vote on whether or not we have free speech.

02:40:19.000 We need free speech.

02:40:21.000 Should we vote on whether or not we have the Second Amendment?

02:40:23.000 Some people say no.

02:40:25.000 Some people say what we're dealing with is a mental health problem.

02:40:28.000 We're not dealing with a gun problem. 0.79

02:40:31.000 The gun problem is that the mentally ill people get the guns. 0.96

02:40:34.000 It's not a gun problem.

02:40:35.000 And there's a lot of people that want to have guns to protect themselves from mentally ill people that are violent. 0.52

02:40:43.000 And it's also the news.

02:40:44.000 Again, a lot of this goes back to news for me.

02:40:48.000 And them glorifying these people.

02:40:52.000 This is what they say.

02:40:53.000 You know what I mean?

02:40:54.000 They know they're going to get the coverage.

02:40:56.000 They know that their name is going to get out there.

02:40:59.000 Yeah.

02:40:59.000 It's not acceptable.

02:41:01.000 If we didn't do that, then they wouldn't do that.

02:41:04.000 Much more to me than the guns.

02:41:06.000 If we take away the guns, if we have the guns, if we cover it differently, things will be different.

02:41:12.000 Without a doubt.

02:41:13.000 It's true, but people want to know what the name of the guy who shot up the school is.

02:41:17.000 They don't get to know.

02:41:18.000 They broadcast it, people find it online.

02:41:20.000 I don't think they should.

02:41:21.000 Why would that be necessary?

02:41:24.000 I don't know, man.

02:41:25.000 I think it's just one of those things about human nature.

02:41:26.000 Like if there was a video of Tom Cruise falling off the back of a plane, you would watch it.

02:41:30.000 If he fell to his death, you'd watch that video.

02:41:33.000 Wouldn't you?

02:41:34.000 Well, yeah.

02:41:35.000 If it leaks, yeah.

02:41:38.000 I think it's kind of along the same lines.

02:41:41.000 Does that make sense?

02:41:44.000 Yeah, but I think that the government could help with that.

02:41:51.000 I think before restricting guns, I think they could step in and then maybe run it by some psychiatrists and scientists and whatnot and see what they think about the media part of a crime.

02:42:06.000 Because, again, these people want to be legends.

02:42:09.000 They want to be...

02:42:10.000 It certainly has an effect.

02:42:12.000 It certainly has an effect.

02:42:13.000 You know, I watched this Hitler documentary and it talked about how Eva Braun, this applies to what we're talking about, it mentioned Eva Braun didn't have to go to the bunker to die with Hitler.

02:42:27.000 And this person said that she did it because she knew that by doing that against Hitler's wishes, That she would inevitably die with Hitler and therefore because she was kept behind the scenes and on the back burner so much become a bigger part of history.

02:42:44.000 So she could have decided to live a normal life maybe get prosecuted later or whatever but sort of live or go to prison or whatever or go to the bunker and die with Hitler and be part of history forever and be represented as the woman that was with Hitler. 0.59

02:43:02.000 Have you ever paid attention to all of the information that's out there about how many Nazis fled Germany and went to South America?

02:43:09.000 Yep.

02:43:10.000 Dude.

02:43:11.000 Tim Kennedy used to have a show called, was it Finding Hitler?

02:43:14.000 I've seen it.

02:43:15.000 Yep, I've watched all those.

02:43:16.000 Hunting Hitler? 0.54

02:43:17.000 They were operating under this premise.

02:43:19.000 The premise was Hitler never died in Germany. 0.99

02:43:21.000 He was snuck out of the country in a submarine or some shit and they brought him to South America. 0.96

02:43:25.000 Well, you know that there's no real evidence. 0.97

02:43:28.000 That's true. 0.97

02:43:28.000 But what there is evidence is a lot of fucking people that live in South America used to be Nazis including like Kennedy had he was on the show and he was talking about finding these people going into their homes and they have pictures of Of Nazi soldiers, 0.97

02:43:44.000 like, lovingly framed on their wall. 0.98

02:43:47.000 Like, this is Grandpa, back in fucking Buchenwald, or wherever those places are. 0.99

02:43:54.000 Auschwitz. 0.99

02:43:55.000 What is the Buchenwald?

02:43:57.000 Is that how you say it?

02:43:59.000 Which one?

02:44:00.000 Buchenwald?

02:44:01.000 Buchenfeld?

02:44:02.000 No, Buchenwald.

02:44:02.000 Everybody always remembers Auschwitz.

02:44:04.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:44:05.000 But I mean, imagine going into someone's house and you see a Nazi guard on the wall with an SS on his sleeve and you're like, holy shit. 0.99

02:44:12.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:44:13.000 This is a Nazi officer and this is your grandpa? 0.99

02:44:16.000 And then you realize like, oh my God, this community, I mean, they have Oktoberfest there where they're all German and they're all drinking beer and wearing Lederhosen and shit. 1.00

02:44:25.000 Mm-hmm. 0.97

02:44:25.000 It's wild how many times Germany almost won that. 0.97

02:44:29.000 Like a few different little tweaks of decisions.

02:44:34.000 And they win that war. 0.99

02:44:37.000 Well, they were being led by a madman. 0.98

02:44:39.000 Yeah. 0.79

02:44:39.000 I mean, he was doing things that they didn't expect. 0.79

02:44:43.000 One of the things that i had read about russia was when they had invaded russia they they knew that they were coming but they they estimated it was going to take a certain amount of time but they didn't think they were going to march 24 hours right they were not going to sleep they didn't take any rest they just took speed so they got there earlier than anybody expected yeah and also all going through france they went through uh They went through the forest instead of the plains.

02:45:10.000 They were waiting for them on both sides of the openings. 0.89

02:45:15.000 And they just fucking took their tanks and went right through. 0.93

02:45:19.000 Just found a way to trudge through the forest and trees. 0.99

02:45:23.000 Build their own path.

02:45:24.000 And they snuck up behind both of the other sides of their other armies.

02:45:29.000 It was wild.

02:45:30.000 Can you imagine the horror of experiencing that during World War II, where you were getting your newspapers, that's all you're getting for information, right?

02:45:40.000 Back then, World War II, I mean, how much stuff was on television?

02:45:43.000 Very few things on television, right?

02:45:44.000 They had radio, though.

02:45:45.000 They had radio.

02:45:46.000 So you'd get your radio reports...

02:45:50.000 From the front lines in Nazi Germany.

02:45:53.000 And you would get that kind of stuff.

02:45:54.000 And that's how your vision of the world would be.

02:45:57.000 And you imagine if you're over there and you see them coming through the forest with tanks. 0.99

02:46:03.000 You're like, holy shit, they're real. 0.99

02:46:06.000 And here they come. 0.99

02:46:07.000 And the same thing then.

02:46:17.000 One of the things that I saw was...

02:46:26.000 A commercial...

02:46:27.000 Well, not really.

02:46:27.000 It's like a report, but it was also a commercial, basically, for their military.

02:46:32.000 For the German military.

02:46:33.000 It's two German soldiers in a bunker talking.

02:46:37.000 And they go, I can't wait to get back to my wife.

02:46:39.000 Yeah, I know.

02:46:40.000 I'm going to get back to my wife.

02:46:41.000 They're speaking German, but it's being translated.

02:46:43.000 In the end, the guy goes...

02:46:46.000 Yeah, you know what?

02:46:46.000 To be honest with you, I think the Russians are more scared of us than ever, and they're more scared of us than we are of them, that's for sure.

02:46:53.000 And that was released, like, the week or two before the end, when the Russians are literally in Berlin.

02:47:01.000 Like, they're coming full of thousands of tanks and all of this, you know, all of this war material.

02:47:09.000 They're about to hit the center of Germany. 0.75

02:47:13.000 And they're still, Germany's playing that on their radios and on their TVs or whatever.

02:47:19.000 That's what's out there.

02:47:20.000 It's literally, I think the Russians are more afraid of us than we are of them. 0.99

02:47:24.000 Meanwhile, Germany was done.

02:47:25.000 They were crippled.

02:47:26.000 At that point, they have their Hitler Youth as their last stand in the city. 0.92

02:47:32.000 Children.

02:47:34.000 Children.

02:47:35.000 Firing weapons for the first time.

02:47:37.000 Bazookas.

02:47:37.000 Little kids.

02:47:38.000 Firing fucking bazookas into the street. 1.00

02:47:40.000 Against some Russian tank by a professional Russian tank soldier. 1.00

02:47:47.000 Blowing everything up.

02:47:49.000 What's really crazy is that wasn't that long ago.

02:47:51.000 Right.

02:47:52.000 Wasn't even a hundred years ago.

02:47:53.000 Yeah.

02:47:54.000 There's people that survived that that are alive right now.

02:47:58.000 There's one guy.

02:47:59.000 He survived World War II and he survived COVID. Yikes.

02:48:05.000 They don't make people like that anymore.

02:48:09.000 That's...

02:48:09.000 I mean, when people think about war today, they only think about things that are happening somewhere else that are very small scale.

02:48:16.000 Like the war in Iraq, the war in Afghanistan.

02:48:18.000 That's our perspective for most people's lives.

02:48:22.000 Most people don't remember Vietnam.

02:48:23.000 They definitely, probably most people don't really remember the experience of having someone fight in World War II that you loved.

02:48:30.000 Some people maybe remember Korea.

02:48:32.000 But our experience of war is almost, unless you're a soldier who's served overseas, our experience is almost like abstract, right?

02:48:40.000 Like we know it happens, but it's just one of those things that's over there.

02:48:43.000 Sort of like pandemics.

02:48:44.000 Like we know it happens, but it's just, it's rare.

02:48:47.000 We don't have to worry about it right now.

02:48:48.000 But now we do.

02:48:49.000 That's how I feel about war. 0.99

02:48:51.000 Like if it breaks out, if war breaks out with China and all of a sudden there's like legitimate attacks on cities, and we're like, holy shit. 0.98

02:48:59.000 Like we didn't think this was real. 0.96

02:49:01.000 Right.

02:49:02.000 We didn't think that this was a real possibility.

02:49:04.000 But all this time, maybe that's why when people like Obama get in office and they have a different perspective on the campaign trail than they do once they actually get in office.

02:49:14.000 Maybe they're presented with how many moving pieces are on the table and how all this can go wrong at any time and how...

02:49:21.000 This nation is trying to do this to this nation.

02:49:24.000 This nation has nukes.

02:49:25.000 And they're trying to get to us.

02:49:26.000 And this is how they're doing it.

02:49:28.000 And then we found that they're listening to our bathrooms.

02:49:30.000 And they've got devices here.

02:49:32.000 We found a new spy. 1.00

02:49:34.000 And like, fuck, man. 1.00

02:49:35.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:49:40.000 Dude.

02:49:41.000 War is a crazy thing.

02:49:43.000 I remember how bad everybody...

02:49:45.000 A lot of people were excited to go to war after 9-11, you know, and they built that storyline around it and everything.

02:49:51.000 Well, we were also excited in some ways because we just got through Operation Desert Storm, and that was a big hit.

02:49:58.000 You know, if that was...

02:50:01.000 If we were a band, that was our stairway to heaven, right? 0.99

02:50:05.000 It's a fucking giant hit, you know? 0.98

02:50:08.000 I mean, we lost one Scud missile, hit one barracks and killed a bunch of people, but that's it. 0.99

02:50:15.000 Most of it was just a decimation, right?

02:50:18.000 A destruction by the American troops.

02:50:19.000 So I think in some ways we might have had it in our head, this is something we're going to do like we did in Desert Storm, just wipe them out real quick and that'll be over. 1.00

02:50:28.000 Fuck. 0.99

02:50:28.000 Here we are, the longest war ever in the history of the country. 0.99

02:50:34.000 And we don't get out.

02:50:35.000 We're still in it.

02:50:36.000 And there's arguments that we should stay in it.

02:50:38.000 And some of them are good arguments. 1.00

02:50:40.000 And you're like, fuck! 1.00

02:50:41.000 Like, is that what the world we're dealing with is? 1.00

02:50:43.000 Like, we were talking about before when it comes to people.

02:50:47.000 There's so many things that's not, there's not one real clear answer of what you do that's going to determine the best future for everybody.

02:50:54.000 And you could listen to these experts tell you that you can listen to an expert tells you we don't want to be the policeman of the world.

02:51:00.000 We need to get out of everywhere now and concentrate on our own domestic issues and just use policy and diplomacy to deal with the rest of the world. 0.83

02:51:09.000 There's other people that say they will blow us the fuck up.

02:51:12.000 We have to monitor them. 0.91

02:51:13.000 We have to keep an eye on them.

02:51:14.000 There's a real hatred of the United... 0.99

02:51:16.000 First of all, maybe some of it earned some of the shit we did in the past. 0.99

02:51:19.000 Maybe there's some shady shit that's going on that you don't know about. 0.97

02:51:22.000 But the bottom line is we're going to need to keep these bases. 0.96

02:51:24.000 We need to keep this military presence.

02:51:26.000 And we don't want to go to war, but trust us. 1.00

02:51:30.000 You're like, fuck! 1.00

02:51:31.000 Isn't it wild that Sweden's been able to avoid all this the whole time? 1.00

02:51:36.000 What started out as basically Vikings, right?

02:51:40.000 Right.

02:51:41.000 Iceland too, right?

02:51:42.000 They're not invading anybody anymore.

02:51:43.000 No.

02:51:44.000 They're neutral.

02:51:45.000 They stayed in.

02:51:46.000 They were able to avoid World War II. They just figured out how to do strongmen contests and appease those fucking gorillas. 1.00

02:51:52.000 Get it out of your system. 1.00

02:51:53.000 Lift some weights.

02:51:54.000 So many of the strongmen come from Iceland.

02:51:57.000 You know that?

02:51:58.000 Yeah.

02:51:58.000 There was a Vice documentary on it.

02:52:00.000 They showed all these gigantic dudes.

02:52:02.000 I'm like, oh look, Vikings.

02:52:03.000 Giants. 1.00

02:52:04.000 Imagine that giant with a battle axe storming through your fucking neighborhood. 1.00

02:52:08.000 That's where the Nordic track came from. 1.00

02:52:13.000 Every now and then you miss.

02:52:16.000 You're really good at this.

02:52:18.000 Some puns are left unsaid.

02:52:20.000 NordicTracker, right?

02:52:20.000 Remember that thing?

02:52:21.000 Is that still a thing?

02:52:22.000 Yeah, I think so.

02:52:24.000 You do cross-country.

02:52:25.000 Nobody ever used those.

02:52:26.000 Out of all of the exercise equipment that nobody ever used, that was number one.

02:52:31.000 Was that the Chuck Norris one?

02:52:32.000 I think it was.

02:52:33.000 No.

02:52:33.000 Chuck Norris one was the total body system.

02:52:36.000 Remember that one where his cables and he's going, he pulls them down, his body goes up and goes down and up.

02:52:42.000 What was that called?

02:52:43.000 Was it called total body system?

02:52:44.000 It was him and Christy Brinkley, right?

02:52:47.000 Yes.

02:52:47.000 Total Body Jim, I think, or something like that.

02:52:49.000 One of them things.

02:52:50.000 Total Body something.

02:52:51.000 Him and Christy Brinkley, hanging on, still sexy, at an elevated age.

02:52:55.000 So that was the hook.

02:52:58.000 Like, I want to be like that.

02:52:59.000 They still got it.

02:53:00.000 Christy still got it.

02:53:03.000 Chuck Norris still got it.

02:53:04.000 Wasn't it Christy Brinkley?

02:53:05.000 Am I imagining that?

02:53:06.000 No, I think you're right.

02:53:08.000 I'm deep into the history of the Nordic track right now.

02:53:12.000 It used to be, it started off called the Nordic Jock, which is, uh, I was trying to see where that was going.

02:53:17.000 It's just insulting.

02:53:18.000 That's just gross.

02:53:19.000 Yeah. 0.95

02:53:20.000 The Nordic Jock. 0.50

02:53:24.000 Total Body G. Yeah, Total Gym.

02:53:30.000 I don't know.

02:53:30.000 All these companies have made similar things with each other.

02:53:32.000 But the one with Chuck Norris and...

02:53:34.000 I thought it would come up.

02:53:37.000 I'm pretty sure it was Chuck Norris and Christy Brinkley.

02:53:40.000 Just two hotties hanging on. 1.00

02:53:42.000 Hell yeah.

02:53:45.000 She's hung on better than anybody, right?

02:53:48.000 If you have to give the crown to...

02:53:49.000 Yeah, there it is.

02:53:51.000 Chuck Norris, looking good.

02:53:52.000 Oh, Olivia Newton-John was in it too.

02:53:54.000 Oh, there she is.

02:53:55.000 Oh, and Christy Brinkley.

02:53:56.000 They got everybody.

02:53:58.000 All these hotties that are hanging on to it. 1.00

02:54:00.000 That's what they got.

02:54:01.000 And back then, she probably was only like 40. Yeah, so she used it for 14 years.

02:54:06.000 Hell yeah, she did.

02:54:07.000 And it works.

02:54:08.000 Look at her.

02:54:09.000 But like, out of all the people that are hanging in there, no one's hanging in there as good as Chrissy Brinkley.

02:54:14.000 I think she's 65. Wow.

02:54:17.000 Yeah.

02:54:18.000 How about J-Lo?

02:54:20.000 50. There's a great meme that shows J-Lo...

02:54:24.000 What?

02:54:25.000 66. 66 Chrissy Brinkley.

02:54:27.000 Wow.

02:54:30.000 When we were kids, 66 was a dead person.

02:54:32.000 Yeah.

02:54:34.000 You're dying. 0.98

02:54:34.000 You're gonna die any moment now. 0.98

02:54:36.000 You're not supposed to be hot. 0.88

02:54:38.000 How are you pulling hot off?

02:54:40.000 How do they do that?

02:54:42.000 There's a picture of J-Lo.

02:54:44.000 Look at that.

02:54:45.000 That's her on a boat at 65. Jesus fucking Luizus. 0.99

02:54:49.000 Wow. 1.00

02:54:50.000 That's crazy.

02:54:51.000 Like, she's in the sun, right?

02:54:52.000 She's not in some crazy studio somewhere.

02:54:55.000 That's me sitting next to her.

02:54:56.000 You can't tell in that picture, but...

02:54:57.000 Bro, her body's amazing. 0.99

02:55:01.000 I guess it's one of those things.

02:55:02.000 If you just refuse. 0.99

02:55:04.000 If you just Michael Jordan the fuck out of your looks. 0.98

02:55:07.000 Yeah.

02:55:08.000 With just regular gym and eating right.

02:55:11.000 Just hang in there. 1.00

02:55:14.000 Damn. 1.00

02:55:15.000 Like Tom Cruise on the side of that airplane. 1.00

02:55:17.000 Yeah.

02:55:17.000 Hang in there.

02:55:19.000 Look-see-do.

02:55:20.000 Do you think you're gonna hang in there like that?

02:55:22.000 Probably not.

02:55:23.000 I mean, I'm made of pasta and tobacco.

02:55:26.000 Probably not.

02:55:29.000 Think squirrels are gonna kill me.

02:55:31.000 I see smiling chairs.

02:55:32.000 65. Damn. 1.00

02:55:34.000 How's that even possible? 1.00

02:55:36.000 Oh my god.

02:55:36.000 That's insanity.

02:55:37.000 She's got a perfect body. 0.98

02:55:39.000 She's not hiding.

02:55:41.000 There's nowhere to hide.

02:55:41.000 That's not her in a dress.

02:55:43.000 And if you saw her naked, she'd be disgusting. 1.00

02:55:45.000 No, she looks amazing. 0.98

02:55:46.000 Wow, that is some beautiful aged beef.

02:55:50.000 And that's probably what inspired Adele. 1.00

02:55:52.000 Get her fucking shit together. 1.00

02:55:53.000 That's it. 1.00

02:55:54.000 There's 65 year old ladies out there looking hot. 1.00

02:55:56.000 Why can't I do it?

02:55:58.000 Well, you can.

02:55:59.000 You can.

02:56:00.000 Just stopped rolling in the deep dish.

02:56:04.000 And on that note, let's wrap this up.

02:56:08.000 Tony Henscliffe, always a pleasure, my brother.

02:56:10.000 Thank you, sir.

02:56:11.000 Great to be here.

02:56:12.000 Great to be out and about.

02:56:13.000 Great to have you.

02:56:14.000 Kill Tony, still streaming. 0.90

02:56:15.000 Yep.

02:56:16.000 Mondays, YouTube.

02:56:18.000 Yep.

02:56:19.000 You're just doing a modified version of it.

02:56:21.000 Yeah, it's a mellow, modern version of it.

02:56:23.000 I'm also starting a roast.

02:56:27.000 I'm doing a roast school.

02:56:28.000 I made a fake master class video.

02:56:30.000 I saw that.

02:56:31.000 Yeah.

02:56:32.000 And I got hit up by the MyBookie people who wanted to make it a real thing.

02:56:38.000 So I'm doing a real roast master class on...

02:56:42.000 I think that's going to be on my Patreon coming soon.

02:56:45.000 That actually sounds like a great tool for people that are tired of being picked on.

02:56:51.000 Yeah.

02:56:51.000 I can teach...

02:56:52.000 I'm going to show people...

02:56:53.000 I mean, it's a goof.

02:56:54.000 I'm taking myself way too seriously in it.

02:56:57.000 I've already shot one.

02:56:58.000 And...

02:57:01.000 I'm showing them how I go through the process.

02:57:07.000 First, I'm reviewing other roasts that I've done and I'm hitting pause and I'm showing them how I came up with that and how to kill your babies and write new stuff right before and this and that and how to change things based on what people are wearing or their appearance. 1.00

02:57:20.000 We should explain kill your babies. 1.00

02:57:22.000 When you have bits you don't like, I cut them loose. 1.00

02:57:24.000 People are like, what? 0.99

02:57:26.000 Tony Hinchcliffe advocates killing babies? 0.99

02:57:27.000 Exactly. 0.99

02:57:28.000 Yeah, there's a whole bunch of terms and everything.

02:57:30.000 That's a great term.

02:57:31.000 That's a great term though, isn't it?

02:57:32.000 Yeah.

02:57:32.000 And also I'm showing people how to put on their own roast with like their family or co-workers and how to book it and how to get help writing and how to set it up.

02:57:40.000 Oh, that's amazing.

02:57:41.000 Yeah.

02:57:41.000 And so when will that be available?

02:57:43.000 That actually starts next week.

02:57:46.000 Really?

02:57:46.000 Patreon.com slash Hinchcliff.

02:57:49.000 Okay.

02:57:50.000 So, and is all that linked on your Instagram or your Twitter?

02:57:53.000 It's about to be.

02:57:54.000 I have all this stuff.

02:57:55.000 I just haven't released it yet.

02:57:58.000 And everything's Tony Henschliff, right?

02:57:59.000 Instagram, Twitter, all that stuff.

02:58:00.000 Yep.

02:58:01.000 All right.

02:58:01.000 Thank you, my brother.

02:58:02.000 Always good to see you.

02:58:02.000 Always fun.

02:58:03.000 Thank you.

02:58:04.000 Bye, everybody.

02:58:06.000 That was fun, brother.

02:58:08.000 Thank you.

02:58:08.000 So much fun.

The Joe Rogan Experience - May 07, 2020

Joe Rogan Experience #1471 - Tony Hinchcliffe

Episode Stats

Summary

Transcript