The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #1476 - Patton Oswalt

00:00:00.000 Hello, everybody.

00:00:02.000 I have an announcement.

00:00:03.000 The podcast is moving to Spotify.

00:00:05.000 I signed a multi-year licensing agreement with Spotify that will start on September 1st.

00:00:11.000 Starting on September 1st, the entire JRE library will be available on Spotify as well as all the other platforms.

00:00:18.000 Then somewhere around the end of the year...

00:00:21.000 It will become exclusive to Spotify including the video version of the podcast.

00:00:27.000 It will be the exact same show.

00:00:29.000 I'm not going to be an employee of Spotify.

00:00:31.000 We're going to be working with the same crew doing the exact same show.

00:00:34.000 The only difference will be it will now be available on the largest audio platform in the world.

00:00:40.000 Nothing else will change.

00:00:41.000 It will be free.

00:00:42.000 It'll be free to you.

00:00:44.000 You just have to go to Spotify to get it.

00:00:46.000 We're very excited to begin this new chapter of the JRE, and I hope you're there when we cross over.

00:00:52.000 Thanks!

00:00:54.000 Alright, we're rolling.

00:00:55.000 Patton Oswalt, how are you, fella?

00:00:58.000 I'm good.

00:00:58.000 How are you doing, man?

00:01:00.000 It's good to see you.

00:01:00.000 I wish I saw you right here.

00:01:02.000 I wish I could give you a hug.

00:01:03.000 I wish we weren't in the plague.

00:01:05.000 I know.

00:01:06.000 It is weird.

00:01:08.000 It is very weird.

00:01:09.000 I've been trying to do your show, you know, this for so long.

00:01:12.000 My schedule is always insane.

00:01:14.000 The drive for me is restrictive because I'm usually shooting something or doing voiceover or something.

00:01:19.000 So it took a plague.

00:01:23.000 I know.

00:01:23.000 We see each other like ships passing in the night at the comedy store.

00:01:26.000 That's my relationship with you.

00:01:28.000 Exactly.

00:01:28.000 I see you in the parking lot going in or I'm going in.

00:01:31.000 You're coming out something.

00:01:32.000 God, how much do you miss just going in With a notebook of stuff and just trying it out to see if it works.

00:01:41.000 It's making me appreciate everything.

00:01:43.000 You know, the downside of it.

00:01:45.000 I mean, I can look at the negative.

00:01:46.000 Yes, I miss it.

00:01:47.000 Yes, I'm frustrated.

00:01:48.000 But the positive side of it, I appreciate everything.

00:01:51.000 I appreciate comics.

00:01:53.000 I appreciate just being able to talk to you. 0.91

00:01:55.000 I appreciate just having my friends that I can communicate with and just talking shit to each other and making each other laugh and saying horrible things over text messages. 0.94

00:02:04.000 I appreciate that. 0.97

00:02:06.000 I appreciate that.

00:02:08.000 If this comes back, if we get to do stand-up again ever, I just feel like comedians are going to be so much more social and just happy to be with each other and appreciate the...

00:02:33.000 I'm trying to sit down and write every day.

00:02:37.000 I don't know what your process is.

00:02:50.000 Yeah, it's a weird disconnect, isn't it?

00:02:55.000 Yeah.

00:02:55.000 My process is very similar.

00:02:57.000 I write like an essay form and then I extract stuff out of that and I turn that into bits.

00:03:05.000 Occasionally I don't write it at all.

00:03:07.000 Occasionally an idea just comes and I start going with it and then I build it up on stage.

00:03:11.000 That's rare though.

00:03:12.000 Most of the time it comes from an essay.

00:03:14.000 Yeah, and I also miss the deleting of stuff where you write something down and then your mind is awesome and you go up on stage and the beginning part's great and the end part's great and you're like, this whole middle section I thought I was going to be George Carlin and I could lose all of that this bit and this bit and that's what it is.

00:03:33.000 Yeah, it's a weird art form where I think the only art form that I'm aware of is that you must have an audience in order to fully create it.

00:03:41.000 It doesn't get created in a vacuum.

00:03:45.000 No, and I logged on to some early Zoom open mics to watch them.

00:03:58.000 It's so bad for you.

00:04:01.000 When you watch someone who's really terrible, it makes you think, nothing's funny.

00:04:05.000 I can't do comedy.

00:04:06.000 It doesn't exist.

00:04:08.000 Or you watch someone who you know is great, but they're trying it over Zoom, and their mouth is dry, talking 90 miles an hour.

00:04:17.000 And you're like, maybe we shouldn't be doing this at all.

00:04:21.000 And people are going to record those sets, too.

00:04:24.000 Those sets are going to be recorded.

00:04:30.000 You have a mix of people coming in live in person with you, and then people doing it over remote, right?

00:04:36.000 Yes, yes.

00:04:37.000 Most people are coming in live and I test all those people. 0.99

00:04:40.000 They come in, they get the test.

00:04:42.000 Yeah.

00:04:43.000 But if you get the test and you're negative, you can still get it, right?

00:04:47.000 Well, you could get it right after you walk out the door.

00:04:51.000 Right.

00:04:51.000 It really depends on what you're being in contact with and what you're doing if you're smart.

00:04:56.000 Right.

00:04:57.000 Thankfully, everyone's honest.

00:05:00.000 No one said, hey, I don't feel so good.

00:05:02.000 Maybe I shouldn't do this.

00:05:03.000 That would be weird.

00:05:05.000 We've been real lucky.

00:05:07.000 Everybody's been negative.

00:05:08.000 But we tested a lot of people.

00:05:10.000 Dan, who is Tim Dillon's producer, he had a false positive.

00:05:15.000 So we had to give him a second test and we gave him a nose swab and it turned out he was negative.

00:05:20.000 It's iffy stuff, you know, until we really can tell.

00:05:24.000 And then what are you going to give up for them to know?

00:05:27.000 Are you going to give up contact tracing?

00:05:29.000 Are you willing to do that?

00:05:31.000 Are you really willing to have something on your phone that shows who you've been in contact with and who your phone has come near and whether or not they're negative or positive?

00:05:38.000 Like, ooh, that's a slippery slope.

00:05:41.000 That's very weird.

00:05:42.000 And also, are there ways, and this is, again, Yes, we do those too.

00:05:55.000 When you do an antibodies test, there's one line that shows whether it's an active virus, and there's another line that shows that it's just the antibodies of a virus that you got and recovered from.

00:06:09.000 And a lot of people that recover from it, apparently, they didn't even know they had it.

00:06:13.000 They had no idea they had it.

00:06:15.000 Yeah, I have a couple of friends who were convinced they had it back in January.

00:06:19.000 They had every symptom that they talk about, and they just thought, oh, well, it's flu season, I've got a shitty flu, and they recovered.

00:06:27.000 I don't want to go out and get tested right now because they don't want to go out.

00:06:30.000 A couple of friends feel like I had it.

00:06:35.000 Everybody thinks that.

00:06:36.000 Everybody thinks that.

00:06:37.000 But here's the thing.

00:06:38.000 All the old colds are still around.

00:06:40.000 The common cold, the flu, all that stuff's still around.

00:06:42.000 The flu's different every year.

00:06:44.000 Still around.

00:06:45.000 It's like you most likely didn't have it.

00:06:49.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:06:51.000 It's obviously a really fucked up disease if it gets you. 1.00

00:06:54.000 If it really gets you, it's really fucked up. 0.99

00:06:56.000 It varies so much. 0.99

00:06:58.000 It's so hard to feel confident one way or another.

00:07:01.000 It's so hard.

00:07:02.000 I vacillate.

00:07:04.000 I go back and forth all day long. 0.97

00:07:06.000 There's parts of my day where I'm not worried about it at all, and there's parts of my day where I'm like, fuck, what if this mutates? 0.98

00:07:13.000 Right. 0.83

00:07:13.000 Or what if I just did something that I thought was safe, But now I've met the new strain in two weeks ago. 0.83

00:07:21.000 Remember how we told you to do this?

00:07:22.000 You actually need to be doing...

00:07:24.000 And it was...

00:07:24.000 And also, the thing that freaks me out is they don't...

00:07:37.000 Yeah, they really have no idea.

00:07:39.000 I was reading about this article in the Times today about children that get a particular type of inflammatory disorder that's causing...

00:07:49.000 One kid was like 14 years old.

00:07:51.000 He got heart failure.

00:07:52.000 It's very rare.

00:07:53.000 Out of all the people that have gotten it, it's like less than 200 people that have got this disorder.

00:07:58.000 Most children, when they come in contact with this disease, don't have an issue.

00:08:02.000 But some of them do.

00:08:03.000 And this one particular kid, basically, he was 14, he was having heart failure.

00:08:07.000 And they don't know why.

00:08:10.000 They used to think it was just a respiratory disease.

00:08:13.000 And now they're like, well, what is this?

00:08:16.000 So it's like, these are new things they're trying to figure out as they go along.

00:08:20.000 Again, we're talking about this now because we're going through this.

00:08:23.000 I just feel like...

00:08:24.000 And again, I don't like to predict the future.

00:08:27.000 If we do get to go back to doing comedy, I just feel like I'll never talk about this on stage.

00:08:32.000 The last thing people are going to want to see on stage is my funny COVID story, which is going to be just a variation on everyone's funny COVID story.

00:08:41.000 So there's no real...

00:08:42.000 I'm not going to inflict that on an audience.

00:08:45.000 Well, if you go up 10th at the store on a Wednesday night...

00:08:49.000 It's covered, bro.

00:08:52.000 Someone has covered it way better than you.

00:08:54.000 Yeah, move on.

00:08:55.000 Let's move on.

00:08:56.000 Yeah, I think it's one of those things that's going to be a real problem for comics.

00:08:59.000 I hear what you're saying, but...

00:09:03.000 On the other hand, someone will come along like a tell, or someone will come along and have the perfect take on it, and you're like, oh, well, there it is.

00:09:13.000 Or on the other end of the spectrum, Joey Diaz will come up and do the rawest, most personal, uncomfortable, but also brilliant take, where you might actually have a unique story, but after hearing Joey, you're like, yeah, I don't need to share mine.

00:09:29.000 Exactly.

00:09:30.000 That's an interesting thing, right?

00:09:32.000 Yeah, someone's going to have a crazy story that you're going to go, well, I don't need to tell.

00:09:38.000 Yeah, someone will nail it.

00:09:40.000 Yeah, and hopefully someone who's...

00:09:42.000 I think first dibs go to people who caught it.

00:09:45.000 Yeah, let them...

00:09:46.000 If a comedian actually gets it, maybe they get to do the bit first.

00:09:50.000 Yeah, like Michael Yeo.

00:09:51.000 Michael Yeo almost died.

00:09:54.000 I didn't know that.

00:09:55.000 Oh yeah, he got it real bad.

00:09:57.000 Yeah, he actually was here in studio the week before he went to New York.

00:10:03.000 He was burning the candle at both ends, flies to New York with no sleep, does radio, does all the promo shows, does everything, does stand up at Gotham, flies back with no sleep, drives the next day We're good to go.

00:10:17.000 We're good to go.

00:10:46.000 And the doctor, you know, they were talking about putting him on a ventilator.

00:10:49.000 This is the early days of the disease, very early.

00:10:51.000 This is like beginning of March.

00:10:53.000 I think end of February?

00:10:56.000 End of February, beginning of March?

00:10:58.000 I think somewhere around there.

00:10:59.000 But early, early, when they didn't really know.

00:11:01.000 His doctor's wise.

00:11:02.000 His doctor says if we put him on a ventilator, his lungs are just going to give up and he could die.

00:11:07.000 So they don't put him on a ventilator.

00:11:09.000 Then it turns out In New York City, and they don't know if this is a correlation or causation, obviously, but 80% of the people they put on the ventilators wound up dying.

00:11:18.000 What?

00:11:19.000 Yes, yeah, yeah.

00:11:21.000 Could be that they wound up dying because they were so far gone they were going to die anyway.

00:11:26.000 Could be they were going to die because of what this doctor said.

00:11:29.000 Because if you put people on a ventilator when their lungs are working and then their lungs don't have to work anymore, they give up.

00:11:36.000 That's what his doctor was essentially saying.

00:11:38.000 It was going to happen to him if they put him on the ventilator.

00:11:40.000 So they didn't put him on it. 0.99

00:11:43.000 They put him on that hydroxychloroquine shit and he didn't react well to it. 0.99

00:11:48.000 It made him feel worse. 0.99

00:11:50.000 So he got off of that and then slowly got back to feeling better and better.

00:11:55.000 And to this day, he's been out of the hospital I think a month.

00:11:58.000 And he can only do like two chin-ups.

00:12:01.000 He's a really strong, active, like really healthy guy normally.

00:12:06.000 He can only do like two chin-ups.

00:12:08.000 He's listless.

00:12:09.000 He has very little energy.

00:12:11.000 Just still feels like he's still struggling.

00:12:13.000 He came in.

00:12:14.000 He looked great.

00:12:15.000 He looked totally normal.

00:12:16.000 I would not know if he didn't tell me, but he still feels like he's got fatigue.

00:12:21.000 Yeah, I mean, I'm sure the body battling that, it's like, okay, you need to shut down for a little bit.

00:12:27.000 We can build you back up.

00:12:28.000 You cannot go back to whatever your regimen is.

00:12:31.000 Let yourself wind down.

00:12:33.000 Another thing he had was a vitamin D deficiency.

00:12:36.000 I I didn't know about that until after I did a podcast with Dr. Rhonda Patrick, and she was talking about studies that have been done in New Orleans and Indonesia and several different studies.

00:12:46.000 One of the things they've shown is the people that are in critical care or in the ICU, there's a large percentage, in some cases over 80% of them are vitamin D deficient.

00:12:57.000 Versus the people who have sufficient levels of serum vitamin D in their body, those people, it's less than 5%.

00:13:04.000 So it was 4% of them that were in the ICU, the people with sufficient vitamin D, and more than 80% of people with deficient.

00:13:12.000 And vitamin D is not just a vitamin, apparently, according to her.

00:13:15.000 It's actually a hormone, and it regulates many things in the body, and most people are deficient from it.

00:13:20.000 And in the United States, More than 70% of people have insufficient levels of vitamin D, and 29% are deficient to the point where it actually can cause medical issues.

00:13:30.000 Real big deal.

00:13:32.000 My doctor is like, you take this vitamin D every day and go walk in the sun.

00:13:38.000 That's the best way.

00:13:39.000 The best way is the sun.

00:13:41.000 It's number one.

00:13:41.000 But if you can't get in the sun all the time, vitamin D supplements do work.

00:13:46.000 You know, and I've seen people argue this, like, really, the best ways, supplements are bullshit. 0.96

00:13:51.000 Like, no, they're not. 0.98

00:13:52.000 They're okay.

00:13:53.000 They're just not as good as the sun. 1.00

00:13:55.000 Don't be stupid. 1.00

00:13:56.000 Like, look, I get my blood tested. 1.00

00:13:57.000 I take vitamins, and I find out what my serum levels are.

00:14:00.000 It works.

00:14:01.000 You take vitamin D, you get higher levels.

00:14:03.000 It's really simple.

00:14:03.000 The sun is for sure better, though.

00:14:05.000 No one's going to argue that. 0.98

00:14:07.000 But for black folks, it's even harder because their bodies are designed with all that melanin. 0.59

00:14:13.000 They evolved in different climates.

00:14:15.000 And anybody brown, anybody who's got a darker skin, they're used to warmer climates. 0.90

00:14:20.000 So they're out in the sun all the time.

00:14:22.000 So the body's protecting itself from cancer with the melanin.

00:14:25.000 But unfortunately, it also prevents you from absorbing vitamin D as easily. 0.82

00:14:31.000 That's why people that live in places where it's really fucking cloudy are super pale. 0.87

00:14:34.000 Because they're basically like a solar panel for vitamin D. They're just sucking as much in. 0.92

00:14:44.000 It's tricky for everybody, but it's particularly trickier for people with tan skin or darker skin.

00:14:49.000 You've got to get that vitamin D in.

00:14:51.000 It's so important.

00:14:52.000 It's one of many factors that they think is at play with people that get really sick from this disease, vitamin D. Yeah, well, that's another thing.

00:15:01.000 Talking about the disease, it just...

00:15:03.000 I reread Guns, Germs, and Steel about the Spanish flu and the way that diseases rewire and reboot your body to benefit themselves and stuff.

00:15:13.000 It's just...

00:15:23.000 It could happen.

00:15:39.000 But also what could happen is...

00:15:42.000 We could get an education on how to boost your immune system.

00:15:46.000 I mean, one of the things that's really driving me crazy about this is there's nothing proactive about what we're being asked to do.

00:15:52.000 Everyone's being asked to shelter in place.

00:15:54.000 But somehow or another, it's okay to go to the grocery store.

00:15:57.000 It's okay to go to Target.

00:15:58.000 It's okay to go to a lot of places.

00:15:59.000 But it's not okay to go to some places.

00:16:02.000 And I feel like people need to have the ability to take their own chances and need to have the ability to protect themselves.

00:16:09.000 Like, you need to give people the opportunity to work.

00:16:12.000 Especially in situations where you're dealing with people who their entire life could fall apart over these couple of months where you tell them they can't work.

00:16:22.000 And there is a way to test people.

00:16:25.000 There is a way to sanitize.

00:16:27.000 There is a way to be safe.

00:16:28.000 There is a way to be smart about this.

00:16:29.000 There is a way to keep your immune system strong.

00:16:31.000 And we're only looking at keep away.

00:16:33.000 We're not looking at the whole spectrum of possibilities that we can do here to move on.

00:16:40.000 Obviously, anyone could In this case, in this scenario, you taking your own risks tips other people who might not want to take that risk into those areas.

00:16:54.000 And I absolutely understand that someone's life can fall apart in two months if they don't work.

00:16:59.000 I think that's more of a symptom of there not being the social safety net that we have to have out there for these kind of situations.

00:17:05.000 We're sort of seeing that in a very stark way.

00:17:08.000 But what I'm saying is, if we don't follow these harsh...

00:17:16.000 The way we got over it is it kind of just burned itself out.

00:17:20.000 And we need to burn it out of the population that way.

00:17:23.000 And it sucks that that's right now the only way we have to do it because we clearly don't have the testing capacity that we need.

00:17:29.000 No, it's so weird.

00:17:31.000 Everything you say is right, but we don't have the stuff to implement what you're saying.

00:17:38.000 It's so frustrating.

00:17:40.000 Well, we don't have the stuff to implement what I'm saying right now, but we do have the information as far as things you can do to boost your immune system.

00:17:49.000 Make sure you get better sleep, don't eat this, don't do that.

00:17:52.000 But then you've got people that, look, you know how many kids relied on school for food?

00:17:58.000 It's a huge problem.

00:18:00.000 Right now, that's a giant problem.

00:18:02.000 Because there's a lot of poor kids who literally relied on school in order to get their meals in.

00:18:09.000 And now their family has to scramble and figure out how to come up with more money to feed these kids when they can't work. 0.87

00:18:16.000 Like, it's all madness.

00:18:18.000 These kids relied on school for...

00:18:24.000 Shelter for a safe space to actually talk to a responsible adult.

00:18:27.000 Some of them come from very bad home situations.

00:18:31.000 Again, all we do is cut money for schools, which is where such a big part of the population is alive because of what the schools provide.

00:18:40.000 I don't think it should come down to a billionaire's whim of what they want to give money to or not, or your local church.

00:18:50.000 There should be some kind of structure so that We're good to go. 0.93

00:19:10.000 And that can really fuck with kids psychologically growing up. 0.90

00:19:13.000 It really can. 0.94

00:19:14.000 And one thing that I would hope out of this is the shock of all being so vulnerable.

00:19:20.000 It will make people a little bit more humble.

00:19:22.000 And hopefully...

00:19:27.000 We're good to go.

00:19:46.000 Yeah, and we're waking up to that.

00:19:48.000 We existed in a Goldilocks period in this country, from World War II on to here, where there's an Instagram page, History, and they had this...

00:20:03.000 This really sobering post about imagine if you were born in the year 1900. And then it goes on to what would happen by the time you're X years old, the Spanish flu starts.

00:20:14.000 By the time you're Y years old, World War II. And it just goes on and on and on and shows how fucking horrific it was for people who were born 120 years ago.

00:20:26.000 We got lucky. 0.61

00:20:27.000 We hit a nice sweet spot where the Waves weren't there.

00:20:31.000 It was nice and calm.

00:20:32.000 It wasn't too hot out.

00:20:33.000 And then we got cocky.

00:20:35.000 Except it feels like now, especially Gen Z is repeating a version of what people born in 1900 went through because a lot of them remember, oh my god, it was 9-11 and then now this.

00:20:47.000 They actually remember a lot of disasters.

00:20:49.000 Yeah, Australia was on fire.

00:20:51.000 This year started with Australia on fire.

00:20:55.000 That's how we rang in the new year and it's gotten so much worse.

00:20:59.000 Did you ever see the size of the burned area of Australia? 0.99

00:21:03.000 It's fucking crazy. 0.98

00:21:08.000 I think some people's minds shut down about that. 1.00

00:21:13.000 They lost half a billion animals.

00:21:15.000 Half a billion.

00:21:16.000 And that's going to start becoming typical summers.

00:21:21.000 That is going to become the norm if a radical, drastic change isn't made.

00:21:26.000 But maybe, you know, you were talking about how, what if there was a shift in consciousness in terms of knowing how fragile and how precarious everything is?

00:21:34.000 I think it'd be really cool if America switched to, I don't mind America flexing its might and saying we're It would be so cool if we change that flex to the way a small town gangster flexes and he goes,

00:21:50.000 look, everyone here, if there's some old lady that's about to get evicted, I pay for it. 1.00

00:21:54.000 Everyone in my five blocks is taken care of.

00:21:57.000 That's the brag.

00:21:58.000 Yes, he drives a nice car and wears a suit, but it's that brag of my flex is no one in this country goes hungry, doesn't get medical care, and that's what we flex to the world instead of flexing Look at our billionaires.

00:22:13.000 We have like 20 crazy rich billionaires.

00:22:15.000 It's amazing.

00:22:17.000 Instead of that, the brag should be that no one in America is in need and is desperate and is dying.

00:22:26.000 That should be the weird jock flex.

00:22:28.000 That'd be cool if we could shift to that.

00:22:30.000 It's funny that you think we need a weird jock flex, but it's an interesting motivation.

00:22:36.000 A weird jock flex.

00:22:38.000 Yeah, but a jock flex can be used for good.

00:22:42.000 You know what I mean?

00:22:43.000 Instead of directing it back on yourself, direct it outward and make that the thing.

00:22:50.000 Could you imagine if there was a high school where all the alpha jocks were like, no one gets bullied in my high school.

00:22:57.000 If I see any bullying going on, shut that down.

00:23:00.000 What if that was their flex?

00:23:01.000 I bet there's more of that today than you'd believe.

00:23:03.000 I bet there's a lot more than when we were growing up.

00:23:06.000 People are aware of it now.

00:23:08.000 Well, also especially because I think people are aware that kind of the nerd, fringy, weirdo kids tend to end up running the world.

00:23:17.000 They've seen enough examples of, those guys tend to run things, so yeah, we're good.

00:23:21.000 Yeah, there's definitely that.

00:23:23.000 Well, one thing that we are realizing from this is that there's a lot of people that have that libertarian bent, let the market decide, we need a small government, this and that.

00:23:33.000 When something like this goes down, you realize, oh, you need structure.

00:23:37.000 You actually need a pandemic response team.

00:23:40.000 You need people to figure out a way to get food to folks.

00:23:44.000 We need to plan like this can happen again.

00:23:47.000 It's very important.

00:23:48.000 I mean, again, visit any third world country after an earthquake and look at all the crumbled buildings with no rebar and go, do you really want no building inspectors and no regulations on it?

00:23:58.000 Like, is that what you're fighting for? 0.93

00:23:59.000 Because it'll all fucking crumble. 1.00

00:24:01.000 Dude, I've had that argument with people, that stupid libertarian argument. 1.00

00:24:04.000 I'm like, look, my dad's an architect. 1.00

00:24:06.000 My stepfather's an architect.

00:24:07.000 I grew up on construction sites.

00:24:09.000 You have to have inspectors. 1.00

00:24:11.000 If you don't have inspectors, man, you're fucked. 1.00

00:24:14.000 There's a lot of dirtbags out there making houses. 1.00

00:24:17.000 They're bad people.

00:24:19.000 They're cutting corners and stealing money and watering down the cement. 1.00

00:24:22.000 Get the fuck out of here. 0.99

00:24:23.000 You can't let the market decide. 0.99

00:24:25.000 It takes too long, too. 0.99

00:24:26.000 If you buy a house, it takes years before it starts fucking up if they do a shitty job. 0.98

00:24:31.000 It's like two years in. 0.94

00:24:33.000 The inspectors are there to protect the people that are actually doing it correctly because a lot of times the people doing it correctly have got to go to subcontractors.

00:25:01.000 Yeah.

00:25:03.000 Yeah. 0.91

00:25:12.000 Get the fuck out of here. 0.99

00:25:13.000 We don't need cops. 1.00

00:25:14.000 Of course we need cops, stupid. 1.00

00:25:15.000 What are we going to do? 1.00

00:25:16.000 All get together and put out the fires?

00:25:17.000 We don't need firemen.

00:25:18.000 Let's save our tax money.

00:25:19.000 No, you need government.

00:25:21.000 You need it.

00:25:22.000 It's important.

00:25:23.000 It just has to be effective and good.

00:25:24.000 And sometimes, like all systems, it has to be tested for flaws.

00:25:29.000 And I feel like this experience has been a great test for our system.

00:25:33.000 And it's flawed. 0.99

00:25:34.000 It's fucked up beyond belief. 0.99

00:25:35.000 Especially with distribution of food. 0.99

00:25:37.000 The food supply chain is falling apart in front of our eyes.

00:25:41.000 I know.

00:25:42.000 It's 2020. I know.

00:25:44.000 That should be happening.

00:25:45.000 Nobody planned for this.

00:25:47.000 They planned to make as much money as possible by selling as much food as possible every single week, and then they were basically spending all that money and investing all that money and distributing all that money.

00:25:57.000 They didn't have enough money for a couple of months off.

00:26:00.000 They don't have enough money for anything to go sideways.

00:26:02.000 Everything has to maintain.

00:26:05.000 Weirdly enough, that might be something that comes out of this, is what if people in the I started in D.C. Me and

00:26:35.000 Dave Chappelle went up on the same night for the first time. 0.99

00:26:38.000 No shit! 0.99

00:26:39.000 That's wild! 1.00

00:26:40.000 I was 14, I was 19. Wow!

00:26:44.000 Maybe you saw this then.

00:26:46.000 At the end of the boom, there were a lot of comedians that, for a time, you could be not great and make $100,000 a year because there were clubs everywhere.

00:26:55.000 And these guys spent money like, I'm going to make $100,000 a year forever.

00:26:59.000 This will be my base.

00:27:01.000 And then suddenly, I was watching headliners getting cars towed.

00:27:04.000 I saw a guy get his house repossessed.

00:27:06.000 I came in and he had to go crash on someone's apartment.

00:27:10.000 And then I was told by a younger guy, Whatever you make, half of it you don't have.

00:27:19.000 Just save it or put it away.

00:27:20.000 Pretend like you're making half of what you're making and live on that.

00:27:23.000 That's how you live in this business.

00:27:25.000 That's very wise.

00:27:26.000 Which is what I think that's how the world should be.

00:27:30.000 Act as if there's going to be this happening again and save for it.

00:27:34.000 It's hard to be a baller like that though, dude.

00:27:37.000 If you want to be ballin', if you want to like bling bling, if you want to let everybody know...

00:27:41.000 Then make the baller move to do that.

00:27:44.000 Make that the baller move.

00:27:46.000 Yes. 0.99

00:27:47.000 I'm not saying you have to dress in sackcloth and have shoes made out of rope, but I'm saying dress nice, take care of your needs, not your wants, your needs, and then the baller move is, and I'm ready if shit goes south. 0.98

00:28:02.000 Sounds like somebody hates fun. 0.99

00:28:05.000 I don't know what the fuck you're talking about, Patton. 1.00

00:28:09.000 Dinner! 1.00

00:28:10.000 Dinner!

00:28:10.000 Why can't I have that?

00:28:12.000 You can't.

00:28:13.000 Why am I sick the next day?

00:28:15.000 You can't have both.

00:28:16.000 No!

00:28:18.000 The thing about comedians is we're all childish. 0.93

00:28:22.000 Childish and impulsive.

00:28:24.000 Well, sometimes the thing that makes you very successful in comedy is to still be in touch with being a child and being over-emotional and over-sensitive to things.

00:28:33.000 That's where some of the best material comes from.

00:28:35.000 Oh, for sure.

00:28:36.000 Yeah.

00:28:37.000 And it's like you can maintain childhood instincts or childish notions while still being a responsible adult.

00:28:46.000 It is possible.

00:28:48.000 You can totally do both.

00:28:50.000 Yes, it can be done. 1.00

00:28:51.000 Like I have a friend and he doesn't have kids and he said to me, he goes, I forget sometimes that you're a dad because you're such a fucking child. 0.99

00:28:57.000 And I'm like, yeah, but I'm actually a responsible father. 0.99

00:29:02.000 Yeah, exactly. 0.99

00:29:03.000 Look, I still get all wound up about the new comic book releases or some viral things that's in line, just like a goddamn 20. But then I'm also like Alice, vegetables and then chicken and have a little bit of mac and cheese. 0.95

00:29:16.000 But you've got to eat all those first and then whatever you have.

00:29:18.000 There's still that.

00:29:19.000 And I think a lot of people end up being bad parents because they don't want to be uncool.

00:29:25.000 And being a good parent means you're kind of uncool.

00:29:27.000 Yeah, you gotta get them out at you sometimes.

00:29:29.000 You gotta establish boundaries.

00:29:32.000 It's tricky because you love them and almost they're like your little friends, but they're like, can I just do something?

00:29:37.000 Like sometimes my daughter has this cute little trick, she'll ask my wife first, and then she'll say no, but then she comes to daddy, because daddy's the big softie.

00:29:45.000 And I'm like, I don't see why not.

00:29:47.000 And then she's like, dad says it's okay!

00:29:49.000 And then like, oh!

00:29:52.000 Alice uses that so brilliantly.

00:29:56.000 My wife Meredith is such a great mom, but she was raised With very responsible parents and very, not strict, but just like, if I say this will happen, she's consistent both ways.

00:30:10.000 If I say we're going to the beach on Saturday, it will happen.

00:30:13.000 I will not flake out.

00:30:14.000 If I also say no iPad for a week, you will not see that iPad.

00:30:19.000 I won't flake either way.

00:30:20.000 There's always consistency.

00:30:22.000 And I'm going to flake your one, so my daughter, just like you, my daughter knows to come to me and say... 0.91

00:30:27.000 And I'm like, I guess so.

00:30:30.000 And now, although now, she, to her, well, to our credit, she's done it so clumsily that now whenever she asks something, we text it.

00:30:38.000 Hang on, let me text mommy. 0.99

00:30:39.000 And I can see her face like, damn it. 0.99

00:30:41.000 Like, you got it. 0.99

00:30:42.000 And I'm like, hey, you can't do this to me.

00:30:45.000 Are you noticing that people are, through this nonsense, are at least taking a little bit better care of their health or recognizing that this is a real thing they need to invest in?

00:30:56.000 Have you noticed that?

00:30:57.000 I have noticed.

00:30:58.000 I've noticed it myself that, unfortunately, a lot of this...

00:31:03.000 A lot of the lockdown means you've got to eat a lot of processed food because it lasts longer and that's how you make your food dollar stretch in a lot of ways.

00:31:12.000 And you see the immediate effects of not having food.

00:31:27.000 Yeah.

00:31:28.000 I mean, that's...

00:31:45.000 That's what you were saying before about a flex for the whole, you know, like, we're taken care of.

00:31:51.000 That is something that's really missing in this country in a big way, is that we'll spend a lot of money fixing up other places that we've blown up all over the world, but we'll spend no money trying to balance out Baltimore, or South Side of Chicago, or Detroit.

00:32:07.000 Right.

00:32:07.000 Or, we will do that, we will do it, and some Yeah.

00:32:34.000 I don't even know what they're talking about, but whatever they're talking about, I don't support it.

00:32:38.000 Yeah, well that's a problem, right?

00:32:40.000 Especially if someone's annoying and they're attached to this presidential canyon, like, oh, that guy?

00:32:48.000 Whenever I'm supporting people now, I try to use my platform and not my voice.

00:32:54.000 I remember when I was at Sundance, When they had the Women's March, the day after Trump was inaugurated, I think it was January 21st, I was at Sundance, I was a judge on the short film panel, and I begged the organizers,

00:33:11.000 I was like, please, please, please, don't have the march here in Park City.

00:33:16.000 Do not have photos of celebrities in front of the Vivian Westwood outlet in Park City, Utah, because all that is is going to be fuel for the other side.

00:33:34.000 Yeah, that's a terrible idea.

00:33:44.000 It drove me crazy.

00:33:45.000 It really annoyed me.

00:33:46.000 And also it annoyed me because sometimes I've been guilty of that.

00:33:49.000 Because we're in this business because we're narcissists.

00:33:53.000 And so part of it is, I want it to be me supporting this person, whereas it should be your platform and your audience supporting that person.

00:34:00.000 And that's a very delicate line to cross, which I fumble all the time. 0.99

00:34:06.000 We're at a point now where it's like, who the fuck would want to be president? 0.99

00:34:13.000 Right? 1.00

00:34:13.000 Who the fuck would want that job? 1.00

00:34:15.000 Even if you have some good ideas, you have to go way out on a limb to take that job. 0.99

00:34:21.000 So who are we getting?

00:34:23.000 We're getting young people that are idealistic, and they get kind of Tulsi Gabbards and the like.

00:34:29.000 They get kind of pushed aside by the machine because they're not willing to play ball.

00:34:33.000 And then you get to the ancient dinosaurs of the system, like Biden and And then on the other side you have Trump.

00:34:40.000 We have this chaotic scene where the economy is imploding. 0.98

00:34:45.000 Everybody is fucking terrified of this new virus. 0.95

00:34:49.000 China might want to go to war with us. 0.99

00:34:52.000 I mean, who knows what the fuck is happening with that. 0.98

00:34:54.000 And then we have these two to pick from. 0.98

00:34:55.000 You're like, this is madness.

00:34:57.000 This is the best we can do?

00:35:00.000 We're China's main trading partner.

00:35:02.000 They're not going to go to war with us unless we cut off trade.

00:35:04.000 I think that's a nice paranoid thing.

00:35:07.000 It's terrifying.

00:35:08.000 But I don't think that'll happen.

00:35:11.000 I don't think so either, but it still scares me.

00:35:16.000 Here's me being hopeful.

00:35:18.000 I think that we're living in this age now of this all the time.

00:35:23.000 Everything is just being broadcast all the time.

00:35:26.000 And there's no such thing as...

00:35:28.000 We're not digging up a pass anymore, Whatever you want to do.

00:35:37.000 So there's this wave coming up like Octavio Cortez and people like that that are like, yeah, it's all out there.

00:35:46.000 I don't care about that.

00:35:47.000 Here's what I want to do. 1.00

00:35:48.000 And I think a generation is going to come up that will go, oh yeah, I tweeted out stupid shit when I was 18. When was that tweet from? 1.00

00:35:55.000 10 years ago?

00:35:56.000 Doesn't count.

00:35:57.000 Whatever. 1.00

00:35:57.000 She was being an idiot. 1.00

00:35:59.000 The standards are definitely different now than they were even five years ago. 1.00

00:36:03.000 But there's a generation of people putting luminol on people's online history that that will die out and it'll turn into, if it was something horrible a week ago, yes, let's talk about that.

00:36:16.000 If you dug up something someone did 10 years ago, everyone's going to go, yeah, you should see this shit, but that won't land the way that it is now. 0.90

00:36:25.000 It just won't land. 0.99

00:36:42.000 Yeah.

00:36:43.000 Yeah.

00:36:45.000 Yeah.

00:36:51.000 The thing about the WWE that everyone keeps forgetting is, yes, it's scripted, but it's scripted mayhem and destruction.

00:37:01.000 They are scripting out These people, these men and women going, in this script, you're going to fall 40 feet onto a table of glass.

00:37:10.000 Yes, we scripted that to happen, but it's still a person doing that.

00:37:15.000 There's a level of adrenaline junkiness and athleticism that goes beyond, I think, athletics.

00:37:24.000 So when people are like, yeah, wrestling's fake. 0.99

00:37:26.000 Yeah, no shit. 0.98

00:37:27.000 It's like when you watch a Jackie Chan film. 0.99

00:37:30.000 That's a scripted film, too.

00:37:31.000 Stick around for the end credits.

00:37:33.000 Yeah.

00:37:35.000 Yeah.

00:37:41.000 You're dismissing something...

00:37:42.000 Your definition of fake needs to be tweaked a little bit in this case.

00:37:46.000 Yeah, it's another way of looking at it.

00:37:49.000 It's definitely scripted.

00:37:52.000 It's not like they're risking it all because they don't know what the outcome's going to be.

00:37:57.000 It's different than an actual athletic event.

00:38:00.000 But it's still pretty badass.

00:38:02.000 As far as what they're able to do...

00:38:04.000 Yes!

00:38:05.000 They don't get nearly enough credit for it either, because while they were doing it, before the lockdown, they were doing it 250 plus days a year, traveling all over the country, throwing each other on tables.

00:38:16.000 Different time zones, a bad jet lag, bad food, no sleep, like...

00:38:25.000 We're good to go.

00:38:45.000 It's brutal.

00:38:46.000 And MMA is the same way.

00:38:48.000 Those guys, there's no money.

00:38:50.000 The travel's brutal.

00:38:52.000 The amount of matches they have to do is brutal.

00:38:55.000 Oh, MMA, yeah.

00:38:56.000 Yeah, it's all brutal.

00:38:59.000 Did you ever watch the video where Trump was on the WWE? Have you ever seen that?

00:39:05.000 Yeah.

00:39:05.000 We've all seen it because he loves retweeting.

00:39:07.000 But it's so strange to think that the current president used to be on the WWE. He was on an episode of the WWE. He was in a match.

00:39:17.000 Well, okay.

00:39:18.000 When he pardoned Ligoyevich...

00:39:21.000 The former host of a game show just became president and pardoned one of his former contestants.

00:39:29.000 Philip K. Dick would read that and go, yeah, I'm done.

00:39:33.000 Can the cancer hurry up?

00:39:35.000 I'm done.

00:39:35.000 I don't need to live in it.

00:39:37.000 It's so strange.

00:39:39.000 It's so strange.

00:39:40.000 All of it's so strange.

00:39:43.000 My most conspiratorial thoughts are that this is AI, and that AI is slowly bringing us deeper and deeper into the hive, into the matrix.

00:39:56.000 And the way they're doing it is by disconnecting us from each other, making social distancing the norm, cover your face with a mask, don't touch anything, everything you're going to do virtually, and slowly but surely it's going to lead to this new way of life.

00:40:11.000 Where you're no longer at risk by going out there and making yourself susceptible to all these biological nasties.

00:40:18.000 You're going to stay home.

00:40:19.000 You're going to plug in.

00:40:21.000 Or what if the AI knows that eventually it does have to unplug us and let us see that we're in the protein pods?

00:40:27.000 It's like, that's going to freak them out. 0.95

00:40:29.000 So let's make this fake reality so fucking insane and awful. 0.99

00:40:33.000 We'll have Trump be president. 0.99

00:40:35.000 We'll have this virus so that we do unplug them.

00:40:38.000 Oh, thank God.

00:40:40.000 Okay, good.

00:40:40.000 Fine.

00:40:40.000 I'm okay with it.

00:40:41.000 I'm cool being in the protein pod.

00:40:43.000 Good.

00:40:44.000 Actually, they're making it so that we'll be happy when we're shown that we're living in protein pods in the wastelands. 0.66

00:40:49.000 At least there's order in the universe, and it's not just completely ridiculous. 0.98

00:40:54.000 I mean, I've had those arguments with people about there's a very strong case to be made for Cypher's character in The Matrix of like, no, plug me the fuck back into this. 0.97

00:41:05.000 Hang on. 0.94

00:41:06.000 So I'm nude with no muscles, acrophied muscles, hairless in a jagged wasteland of radioactive slag, or I could be in this world where I have a nice And I eat a steak and marry someone. 0.79

00:41:20.000 Can I just live in this?

00:41:21.000 I'm fine with it. 0.99

00:41:22.000 Like, Morpheus, who the fuck are you helping? 0.99

00:41:24.000 Are you dragging us out of these? 0.99

00:41:26.000 The machines aren't trying to kill us.

00:41:28.000 They're just like, look, you guys. 0.98

00:41:30.000 And by the way, the machines are like, You guys fucked up the earth. 0.83

00:41:34.000 We're doing the best we can for you guys. 0.98

00:41:36.000 We could have just let you all die in the wasteland, but instead, we found a way so that you can live.

00:41:41.000 Like, the machines aren't doing anything that nefarious.

00:41:44.000 Right, right.

00:41:45.000 They're just letting you have a better existence than your real one.

00:41:49.000 Yeah.

00:41:49.000 And it's indistinguishable.

00:41:51.000 It's also, it feels better.

00:41:53.000 It actually does...

00:41:55.000 People always miss that line where Smith says, you know, when we first did The Matrix, it was just flat-out paradise.

00:42:02.000 And you guys couldn't handle that, and you rejected it.

00:42:05.000 Like, we literally had you where probably the first version of The Matrix, everybody could fly, and orgasms lasted three months, and you could just eat all the chocolate you wanted.

00:42:15.000 And then people were like, no! 0.99

00:42:16.000 And then, I want a goddamn cubicle job! 1.00

00:42:20.000 I guess they want a cubicle job. 1.00

00:42:22.000 Fine, okay, give them that.

00:42:23.000 We tried to be nice.

00:42:24.000 Well, I think we evolved.

00:42:26.000 Human beings evolved with this need to overcome adversity.

00:42:30.000 We evolved with this need.

00:42:32.000 That's why we like puzzles.

00:42:34.000 I mean, when we're just sitting around bored, what do we do?

00:42:37.000 The family gets together and you play puzzles.

00:42:39.000 You play games.

00:42:40.000 You try to solve things and figure things out.

00:42:43.000 Because I think it's still in our RNA or in our DNA that the ones who thrived were the ones who solved puzzles.

00:42:56.000 Yeah.

00:43:16.000 We're good to go.

00:43:33.000 We're also deeply distrustful of people who tell us what to do, because we know that when people have the power to tell you what to do when they didn't have that power before, and that's what's going on right now in the state, there's new power, right?

00:43:46.000 The governor has the power to shut businesses down.

00:43:48.000 The mayor has the power to shut everything down.

00:43:50.000 When people get into that position of power, I know we don't ever want to think that, and we want to think that all of the reasons why they do things are altruistic, they're great people, they just...

00:44:00.000 But there's just human instincts.

00:44:02.000 Just like the human need to sort of overcome adversity, there's a real human instinct to control people.

00:44:08.000 I mean, it's the reason why cults exist.

00:44:10.000 It's the reason why we're very, very careful in how we give out power.

00:44:16.000 Even the way the mayor phrased it, something like, if we all wear masks, this is the way we can get back some of our freedoms. 0.99

00:44:25.000 I don't know who the fuck his PR guy is, but hey man, that's the worst thing you could say. 0.99

00:44:30.000 You don't have power over the general population's freedoms. 1.00

00:44:34.000 That's not in your fucking job description. 1.00

00:44:36.000 So when you say shit like that, we can get back some of our freedoms. 1.00

00:44:40.000 People are naturally going to get very upset Because it puts them in the position like, oh, I've seen this before. 0.99

00:44:47.000 I know what this is.

00:44:49.000 Now there's a person who's got power over me.

00:44:51.000 And so that's part of what these protests are.

00:44:53.000 It's not just simply like, I want to be selfish.

00:44:56.000 I want to put my grandma at risk because I want to be able to make a living again.

00:45:00.000 And I'd rather have the old people die off than lose my business. 1.00

00:45:04.000 It's also, hey, I don't like you telling me what to do because I don't think you're any different than me. 0.63

00:45:09.000 I think you're just a person.

00:45:10.000 And a person that has power and new power, like the power to tell people you can or can't do something, that's a very tricky position.

00:45:19.000 But it's so weird how those are the kinds of statements that we push back on, and yet there are other more blatantly controlling statements that we will absolutely accept.

00:45:30.000 If you would...

00:45:39.000 Yes!

00:45:44.000 It's just weird how what one person will push against, you would think, oh, that's a That's an interesting case.

00:45:55.000 You know, like, wait a minute.

00:45:56.000 You were so rightfully suspicious and cautious about that statement, and yet that one got no review from you, and you just went, great.

00:46:05.000 I don't know what you're talking about in particular, because I didn't see Trump do that, but the thing about him, like, mocking a Bible, even if it's offensive, it doesn't stop people from doing anything.

00:46:15.000 What these orders are, they're stopping people from making a living.

00:46:19.000 And that's never happened before.

00:46:21.000 He's not stopping anyone from doing anything.

00:46:24.000 But the way that he held it up and the way he said it is, this thing that you believe, I really don't believe it.

00:46:30.000 And I'm just going to use you to get the power that I need.

00:46:33.000 I never saw that.

00:46:33.000 I've never seen that.

00:46:34.000 It was at one of his rallies.

00:46:37.000 And again, it was his way of going...

00:46:44.000 The undercurrent was, all I gotta do is hold this thing up in your mind.

00:46:49.000 You can barely get yourself from hiding it.

00:46:51.000 You talk about bad PR, such clumsy statecraft right there.

00:46:56.000 Why are you doing that?

00:46:57.000 Well, what's way more confusing than that is some of the other bad PR he's gotten away with, like the stuff that he said about McCain.

00:47:04.000 And he said, I prefer my soldiers that don't get caught.

00:47:09.000 Didn't he say something like that?

00:47:10.000 Like, better soldiers that don't get caught?

00:47:12.000 I prefer my heroes to not be caught.

00:47:15.000 Something along those lines.

00:47:17.000 It would end a political career on the spot.

00:47:19.000 End it.

00:47:20.000 And how about the other family of the soldier that had died, and he had been in some sort of a dispute with the family, and openly dismissive about that situation?

00:47:32.000 Well, I thought it was fascinating when they asked, because the father went up and said, what have you sacrificed?

00:47:36.000 So then the interviewer was talking to Trump, How do you answer that?

00:47:44.000 His brain fritzed out.

00:47:46.000 He couldn't phrase it in a way of...

00:47:48.000 He was like, I've built great buildings.

00:47:51.000 I've been very successful.

00:47:53.000 I've made a lot of money.

00:47:55.000 That's the closest that he could get to embracing the idea or the concept of sacrifice.

00:48:01.000 It's an alien concept.

00:48:04.000 He literally doesn't understand what...

00:48:08.000 Maybe part of the reason that People keep them around is...

00:48:13.000 Siri's asking questions!

00:48:15.000 Siri! 1.00

00:48:18.000 Siri, you're listening to everything, you nosy bitch! 1.00

00:48:21.000 We're not talking to you! 1.00

00:48:23.000 Hey, listen, I'm just promoting my album on Joe Rogan.

00:48:25.000 I'm not going to buy any stuff from him, okay?

00:48:27.000 Speaking of which, you are here to promote something.

00:48:31.000 Tell us about it.

00:48:32.000 Well, let me really quick...

00:48:34.000 Okay, go ahead, go ahead.

00:48:35.000 Do you feel like...

00:48:37.000 One of the reasons that Trump has been able to stick around in office and he's going to have his full term and maybe have a second one is, as horrible as it is, it is a fascinating psychological study of a soul in torment that we get to watch for free every week when he gives an interview or does a rally.

00:48:54.000 There's something where you get to go back and watch this thing like, I've got to go look at this thing again.

00:48:59.000 This all can be avoided.

00:49:01.000 You know, if he had a coach...

00:49:04.000 Legitimately. 1.00

00:49:04.000 Look, it's all bullshit, right? 1.00

00:49:06.000 You're basically representing bankers, and you've got a bunch of special interests tugging at you, and you've got your agenda, but the way he interacts with the press, he needs to be coached. 0.99

00:49:17.000 If he had a coach, someone who's very socially astute, maybe even a comic, someone who could say, look, man, you've got to show some humility.

00:49:25.000 You can't get a joke across.

00:49:28.000 There's a few guys that can get a joke across if they're cocky, like Dice Clay or someone along those lines.

00:49:33.000 Yeah, Jasal Neck can do it. 1.00

00:49:35.000 Goddamn brilliant. 0.99

00:49:36.000 Right, but you better have some really fucking tight writing. 0.99

00:49:40.000 Yes, exactly. 0.97

00:49:41.000 Like Jasal Neck, his writing is tight.

00:49:44.000 That's tight writing.

00:49:46.000 Not a single wasted letter in those jokes.

00:49:49.000 No wasted space.

00:49:51.000 Yeah, brilliant, brilliant, brilliant pausing timing.

00:49:55.000 Trump would never accept a coach.

00:49:56.000 That's not in his nature.

00:49:58.000 He's like, no, no, I got this.

00:49:59.000 That's why he was like, I'm going to do these coronavirus press conferences every day.

00:50:06.000 He was going to have Fauci do it, and then he realized, wait, he's on TV and I'm not out of the way.

00:50:11.000 That's why he was going out there just yammering about whatever.

00:50:14.000 About injecting disinfectant.

00:50:16.000 Yeah, and then they had to stop doing it because we're trying to get a story about Biden, get some traction, and you keep taking all the air out of the news.

00:50:24.000 We need you to sit down for a couple days to get this going.

00:50:29.000 Everybody needs a coach.

00:50:31.000 Everybody does.

00:50:32.000 Everyone does.

00:50:33.000 He could use a coach. 1.00

00:50:34.000 He could use someone who just explained, like, this is where you trip on your own dick. 0.99

00:50:40.000 And if you just don't do that, look, you already have all these people that are on your side no matter what. 0.99

00:50:47.000 And he's publicly said, I could go shoot someone in the street and X amount of people would vote for me no matter what.

00:50:53.000 And he's right. 0.51

00:50:54.000 He's right. 0.99

00:50:55.000 He would shoot someone in the street and the spin would begin before the body hit the ground.

00:51:01.000 We didn't know if that guy was armed.

00:51:03.000 And then they would fill the air with verbal chaff and then we would never get to the truth.

00:51:09.000 Right.

00:51:09.000 It would be like trying to drive through smoke.

00:51:11.000 I don't know where the fuck I'm going. 0.98

00:51:13.000 I'm suddenly lost. 0.99

00:51:14.000 I just watched a guy shoot a guy and now I'm thinking of 20 other things.

00:51:18.000 Yeah.

00:51:19.000 It's a weird time, man, but it's an opportunity.

00:51:26.000 I'm not looking at this like, let's look at the positive side.

00:51:30.000 Because look, it's negative for a lot of people, particularly people that have lost people and people that have lost their own health.

00:51:36.000 But there's an opportunity for us that haven't to restructure and just rethink this thing and recognize what it really is because you just run around with momentum thinking, well, I'm in the business and I got to do this and I got to do that and hey, this is what I do and,

00:51:51.000 you know, maybe not.

00:51:52.000 Like, I haven't been on the road in two fucking months and part of me is like, boy, I feel really healthy. 0.93

00:52:02.000 I feel like as good as I've ever felt. 0.98

00:52:04.000 And it's steady.

00:52:05.000 It's like the same every day. 0.87

00:52:07.000 There's not these big ups and downs when I come home on Sunday and I fucking crash and I try to get back to the thick of things on Monday. 0.92

00:52:13.000 It's like you're taking way less damage to your body. 0.76

00:52:16.000 Also, spending more time with my family, being around, just walking through the neighborhood.

00:52:22.000 And when you don't have to go anywhere, sometimes you just enjoy the moment.

00:52:27.000 Enjoy the moment of being alive, a human being in 2020, and being one of the fortunate ones that isn't sick.

00:52:33.000 Yeah, and maybe look at the idea that everything doesn't have to be constant growth.

00:52:38.000 You're allowed to have ups and downs.

00:52:41.000 The only thing that actually follows the idea of constant growth is cancer.

00:52:46.000 Constant growth is not a good thing.

00:52:48.000 The only thing that does that is cancer.

00:52:49.000 So in a way...

00:52:58.000 I know, isn't that insane? 1.00

00:53:00.000 Like if you have a business that makes the same amount of money every year, it's a fucking failure. 0.99

00:53:04.000 Even if it's a lot of money. 0.99

00:53:06.000 I know!

00:53:07.000 That's what makes no... 0.97

00:53:09.000 It's such a ridiculous way to approach anything.

00:53:12.000 But the fact that that's the core thing that structures our society is economics.

00:53:18.000 It's one of the most important values, the most important factors in what we do.

00:53:23.000 That's the reason why we get up all fucking day and we work all day from 9 to 5 plus overtime.

00:53:29.000 The whole reason for that is economics. 0.86

00:53:32.000 And it's all structured in this weird way where these companies are supposed to somehow or another make more money every year.

00:53:41.000 Yeah.

00:53:41.000 I don't know.

00:53:42.000 I mean, again, I thank God I'm a comedian because comedians, we can actually embrace that.

00:53:46.000 You're going to have some off years.

00:53:47.000 It can't be growth all the time.

00:53:49.000 Some years, you'll do Carnegie Hall, and then you're going to work the clubs for a little while, and then you'll be on an upstring again.

00:53:56.000 Yes.

00:54:03.000 There's no joy.

00:54:05.000 It's just this death rictus.

00:54:07.000 Moving forward.

00:54:08.000 Consuming everything you can.

00:54:10.000 It bloats and explodes.

00:54:12.000 You know what's also great about our business?

00:54:14.000 You put out specials and then you become a beginner again.

00:54:18.000 Yes!

00:54:18.000 That's so valuable.

00:54:20.000 I feel like such a...

00:54:23.000 Fraud every two years.

00:54:25.000 I get to the point where I feel like I'm a killer, and then right afterward, I'm a fraud! 0.99

00:54:30.000 I have a fucking flimsy act for months! 0.99

00:54:33.000 For three, four months! 1.00

00:54:35.000 It's just garbage! 0.99

00:54:36.000 And I'm out there just slinging it at the store, trying to piece things together, trying to... 0.99

00:54:42.000 Yeah, exactly.

00:54:44.000 Again, my special drops tomorrow on Netflix, and after tomorrow, I have a blank notebook.

00:54:50.000 And if I ever get to... 0.88

00:54:52.000 On stage, it'll be like when we see each other at the comedy store, I guess, shit, I thought this was going to be something, folks. 0.93

00:55:01.000 I'm sorry. 0.99

00:55:02.000 And you feel, like you said, you feel like an asshole if you go back to your old stuff. 1.00

00:55:06.000 Because you're like, we've seen that shit. 1.00

00:55:08.000 Don't make us pay to watch that again. 1.00

00:55:10.000 Also, you know the process.

00:55:12.000 You know you can do it.

00:55:13.000 You've done it before. 0.99

00:55:15.000 There's some times where, honestly, in the first couple weeks, especially after a special, I'm like, boy, I might have hit the fucking bottom of the well. 0.97

00:55:23.000 I might not have anything left. 0.77

00:55:26.000 There's been, especially after the last one, Annihilation, I was like, maybe I'm done doing stand-up.

00:55:31.000 Maybe I shouldn't do stand-up anymore.

00:55:32.000 And then somehow this thing happened.

00:55:34.000 But there's always that feeling of like, I think that might be my, maybe it's time to retire.

00:55:38.000 And then you get the itch because it was always there.

00:55:41.000 I see myself dying like George Carlin in a hotel room in Vegas somewhere in between shows.

00:55:47.000 I don't think I'm going to quit.

00:55:49.000 It's too much fun.

00:55:50.000 And I miss it.

00:55:51.000 I miss it so much.

00:56:01.000 Yes!

00:56:29.000 I got a chance to see him at Hampton Beach Casino.

00:56:37.000 In New Hampshire.

00:56:39.000 Yeah, when I was...

00:56:39.000 I mean, I think I was 20, something like that.

00:56:44.000 20 or 21. And I took my roommates to see him, and he bombed.

00:56:49.000 Yeah.

00:56:50.000 It was a weird time for his career. 0.99

00:56:53.000 It was one of those weird moments where he had this routine that he was working on where he'd basically say, fuck everything. 1.00

00:57:00.000 He would say, fuck Israel, and fuck comedy clubs. 1.00

00:57:03.000 He had this list of things that he was saying fuck to, but it didn't... 1.00

00:57:07.000 I think he was just going through a lot of weird stuff in his life then. 0.99

00:57:11.000 There was some substance issues that he had had.

00:57:14.000 He had money problems with the IRS, owing too much money to the IRS. There was a lot of shit that was going on in his life at those times. 0.99

00:57:21.000 And also, I think that he was a little bit freaked out by, you know, he had opened the door, him and Pryor, especially in terms of language and subject matter, and now here's people like Sam Kinison and Andrew Right. 0.98

00:57:41.000 Why do they need me?

00:57:43.000 I think there was a couple years where he felt like, am I John Wayne at the end of The Searchers?

00:57:48.000 I've rescued everyone, and I've helped progress the world, but I don't belong in the world, and then I'm just going to walk away into the desert.

00:57:55.000 There's always that moment of sometimes your bravery helps bring about a world that, ironically, you don't belong in anymore.

00:58:03.000 That's a I mean, I feel like that's what happened to Joan Rivers at the end of her career. 0.98

00:58:09.000 She broke so many goddamn barriers for women and for talking about certain subject matter, and then at the end of her career, she suddenly saw all of her stuff get parsed by this new generation that's like, this generation that's attacking her and parsing her stuff, you're enjoying the freedoms you're enjoying partially because of the shit that she did. 1.00

00:58:28.000 She laid down barbed wire so you could run across it and then point at her for not using the correct language. 1.00

00:58:34.000 Yeah.

00:58:35.000 Yeah, not just not the correct language, but deciding what she can and can't joke about. 0.99

00:58:39.000 And I love the fact that to her dying day, she didn't give a fuck. 1.00

00:58:44.000 She was like, I'm not apologizing for shit. 1.00

00:58:46.000 This is what I do. 0.99

00:58:47.000 I make fun of things, and I'm going to make fun of you, and I make fun of me, and I make fun of my family. 1.00

00:58:52.000 Fuck you. 1.00

00:58:54.000 And she held on to her guns forever. 1.00

00:58:58.000 Forever.

00:58:58.000 She never let it go.

00:59:00.000 Never let it go.

00:59:01.000 Never shifted.

00:59:03.000 Fearless.

00:59:03.000 But that will happen to all of us.

00:59:06.000 At some point, there will be another wave of podcasters that won't understand the stuff that you and Maren and people like that did podcasting-wise, and will do it and look back at you guys like, what are you even talking about? 0.98

00:59:18.000 It's like, the reason you're doing what you're doing is because of the shit that we laid down. 0.97

00:59:22.000 And it'll happen to me as a comedian? 0.99

00:59:24.000 It's happened to...

00:59:26.000 Filmmakers, everyone's shitting on Martin Scorsese for going, not a fan of the Marvel films.

00:59:30.000 He never said, don't go see them. 0.67

00:59:32.000 He's like, they're not for me. 1.00

00:59:34.000 You motherfuckers! 1.00

00:59:36.000 You wouldn't have your Marvel film if Scorsese hadn't done his movies. 1.00

00:59:41.000 Because all those movies are what made the guys who direct your movies, you go, I want to do that. 0.97

00:59:47.000 He gets to have any fucking opinion he wants. 0.85

00:59:52.000 Also, what's wrong with not liking certain things? 0.99

00:59:55.000 I have very good friends who like things that I think are terrible.

01:00:00.000 I still like them.

01:00:02.000 You're allowed that if you don't like...

01:00:04.000 I have friends who hate Marvel comic movies. 0.99

01:00:07.000 I fucking love them. 0.98

01:00:08.000 I love comic book movies. 1.00

01:00:11.000 And I have friends like, I'm not watching that stupid shit. 1.00

01:00:13.000 That guy's definitely gonna live. 1.00

01:00:15.000 Nothing's gonna happen.

01:00:16.000 He's the hero.

01:00:17.000 I'm like, listen, man...

01:00:20.000 I get it.

01:00:21.000 I understand how you feel a certain way, but the other thing about film to think about a guy like Scorsese, where he needs to be put in a much better perspective, is that when you think about some of the stuff that he did in the 70s,

01:00:38.000 Movies had only been around for like real movies for like 40 years.

01:00:46.000 Like King Kong, like the 30s.

01:00:50.000 And then here you go, 40 years later.

01:00:53.000 You're talking about some of those Scorsese movies, or the Coppola movies, like Apocalypse Now.

01:00:59.000 Think about how crazy that movie is, when you really stop and think about when it was actually created, and what a short time films had even been made like that.

01:01:10.000 Yeah, and how crazy the execution of it is.

01:01:15.000 It's like, when I hosted the Independent Spirit Awards, the year I hosted it, John Waters' first film, which he made when he was a teenager in Baltimore.

01:01:26.000 It's called Hag in a Black Leather Jacket, and it's about an interracial wedding being sided over by a Klansman.

01:01:33.000 It's a Klansman marrying an interracial couple.

01:01:37.000 He shot it on his parent's roof in Baltimore in the 60s, and I told the audience, this is the 50th anniversary of John Waters' first film.

01:01:45.000 Any of you guys are like, are we pushing too far?

01:01:48.000 Are we going too far?

01:01:48.000 He's already done all that work for you.

01:01:51.000 Fucking go for it. 0.99

01:01:53.000 He was an openly gay teenager in 1960s Baltimore shooting an interracial wedding on his parents' roof with a Klansman doing the ceremony. 1.00

01:02:02.000 So just do whatever the fuck you want. 1.00

01:02:04.000 It's okay. 0.99

01:02:07.000 That's so perfect.

01:02:08.000 It's so beautiful. 0.99

01:02:11.000 Getting back to what you were saying, it's weird that you brought up I have friends who love stuff that I hate but I don't give a shit. 0.88

01:02:18.000 The reason my special is called I Love Everything is when you get to There's still stuff that annoys you and stuff you don't like, but you're like, but I know where this is coming, or I know why he's acting that way. 0.98

01:02:31.000 I'm not a fan of Donald Trump, I think he's fucking horrible, but I also know about his childhood and how he was raised, and I know why he is the way he is. 0.95

01:02:39.000 He grew up in a monster factory, and it was a really well-run monster factory, and it made an incredible monster. 1.00

01:02:46.000 I know why he is the way he is.

01:02:51.000 Hatred is a luxury for youth. 1.00

01:02:53.000 When you're young, you can go, this is bullshit! 1.00

01:02:55.000 And then you get to 50, you're like, it's not for me, but I don't care. 1.00

01:02:59.000 Okay, fine.

01:02:59.000 You know what I also think it is?

01:03:00.000 I talk about this often.

01:03:02.000 You have children, you have a child, I have daughters, and when I think of people now, I think of them as babies that grew up And when I was younger, I used to think, if I knew you now, I'd think, oh, Patton has always been this Patton.

01:03:17.000 But now I can see, because I've seen little babies become little people, and I go, oh, okay. 0.99

01:03:23.000 You just got terrible input, terrible feedback, bad epigenetics, a lot of shit wrong here. 1.00

01:03:30.000 You're a victim of circumstance as much as you are, you know, being an asshole. 1.00

01:03:35.000 You're actually, the reason why you're an asshole is because you're a victim. 1.00

01:03:42.000 Yeah, and sometimes people can become an asshole. 1.00

01:03:45.000 Obviously some people can become an asshole because Trump had a lifetime Yeah. 1.00

01:04:14.000 Well, also, it's not beneficial to anybody to be confrontational and to be angry about things all the time. 0.99

01:04:24.000 Even though it seems fun when you're young, as you get older, you realize it's a terrible way of using your resources.

01:04:31.000 And it also...

01:04:32.000 It doesn't create any harmony.

01:04:34.000 It just makes the people on the other side fight back harder.

01:04:37.000 Like, there's no middle ground given.

01:04:40.000 There's no compromise.

01:04:41.000 There's no forgiveness.

01:04:42.000 There's no equanimity.

01:04:44.000 There's no moment where you feel like this is a human being, and I'm a human being, and I make mistakes, and they make mistakes, and let's figure out how we can be nicer to each other.

01:04:55.000 I mean, that's what everybody would like.

01:04:57.000 That's what everybody would like.

01:05:01.000 Yes.

01:05:26.000 That's really common.

01:05:28.000 There's a lot of people that are doing that with Trump.

01:05:31.000 There's a lot of people that I follow on Twitter while I just go to their Twitter feed.

01:05:34.000 It's just railing about Trump all day.

01:05:37.000 And I want to go over to their house, and you can't anymore, but hug them and go, hey man, you've got to stop paying attention to this.

01:05:45.000 How much time do you have in a day?

01:05:47.000 How much time is spent on things you hate?

01:05:50.000 And how much time is spent on things you love?

01:05:53.000 You need to figure out a way to shift that.

01:05:56.000 For me, hating Trump has become like a glass of wine.

01:05:59.000 I indulge in it every now and then. 0.87

01:06:00.000 I enjoy it when he does something really crazy.

01:06:03.000 And also every now and then you need to check in and go, just want to remind you, this isn't normal.

01:06:07.000 This shouldn't be happening.

01:06:08.000 Let's not get used to this.

01:06:09.000 But then also, yeah, I promote other people's stuff.

01:06:12.000 I signal boost other comedians.

01:06:14.000 I retweet really funny.

01:06:16.000 That also has to be fun because you're right.

01:06:18.000 There are people that I love. 0.96

01:06:20.000 Whose Twitter feeds have just evolved into, can you fucking believe it? 0.96

01:06:24.000 Yes! 0.96

01:06:24.000 I did have a bit about, in my special, about how I don't have any Trump jokes, because he's made comedians obsolete. 0.96

01:06:31.000 How do you write a joke funnier than the shit he's doing in front of us? 0.96

01:06:35.000 You know, it's like, he's doing this crazy, and you walk up, you want to hear a joke I wrote about this? 0.98

01:06:39.000 Everyone's like, no, I'm just, I'm watching this.

01:06:41.000 I'm good.

01:06:42.000 Well, it's all the things, too.

01:06:44.000 It's the tan, and the hair, and the madness, and the not willing to admit that he's ever wrong, and it's like, Jesus Christ, this is...

01:06:53.000 Someone put this out as a joke the other day.

01:06:55.000 It was like a little graphic, but it is true.

01:06:57.000 You know how he won't wear a mask?

01:06:58.000 Yeah.

01:06:59.000 It'll rub the makeup off.

01:07:01.000 Oh, yeah, for sure.

01:07:02.000 He can't put a mask on because he takes it off, he'll have this weird...

01:07:06.000 And he knows he can't do it.

01:07:08.000 I bet on the first day he tried to do it and went, no, we can't do it.

01:07:12.000 Sorry.

01:07:12.000 Well, why didn't Pence wear it in that one time?

01:07:15.000 Remember when everybody was wearing it at the Mayo Clinic and he didn't?

01:07:18.000 I feel like Trump bullied him.

01:07:20.000 I feel like Trump was like, you're not going to go out there with a mask, are you?

01:07:23.000 You make me look bad.

01:07:24.000 Yeah.

01:07:25.000 So, like, alright.

01:07:27.000 You know, I'm terrified.

01:07:29.000 Wouldn't it be nice if there was someone who was running for president that really made sense?

01:07:33.000 Someone who you're like, yes!

01:07:35.000 Like, this guy's alright, or she's the best.

01:07:39.000 We can get behind her.

01:07:40.000 This is it.

01:07:41.000 We got one.

01:07:42.000 We have a person who's moral and ethical and although flawed, their heart's in the right place.

01:07:48.000 We can do this.

01:07:50.000 Weirdly enough, that's now what the Trump line is. 0.99

01:07:53.000 He is an oaf. 0.99

01:07:54.000 He is vain. 0.99

01:07:55.000 He is mean. 1.00

01:07:56.000 But he gets shit done. 0.99

01:07:57.000 Guys, this isn't the movie Pitch Black and he's not Riddick. 0.99

01:08:01.000 We don't need this.

01:08:03.000 By the way, now I'm embracing the...

01:08:06.000 I think Biden is a little senile.

01:08:09.000 You know what I'm voting for?

01:08:10.000 I'm voting for his cabinet.

01:08:11.000 I'm just voting for the team he's going to bring in. 0.99

01:08:13.000 I could give a fuck about him. 1.00

01:08:15.000 He might not even survive. 1.00

01:08:16.000 I mean, he looks so bad.

01:08:19.000 But all Trump does is, it's just...

01:08:24.000 Grifters are around him.

01:08:25.000 And they come in, grab whatever money they can, and then they bolt.

01:08:28.000 There's no plan.

01:08:29.000 There's no team.

01:08:29.000 Well, he's also the big alpha, right?

01:08:32.000 So he needs everybody to kind of kiss his ass. 1.00

01:08:35.000 He keeps saying... 1.00

01:08:36.000 The true big alpha never has to say he's the big alpha.

01:08:40.000 He's Paulie and Goodfellas.

01:08:42.000 Paulie never moved...

01:08:42.000 Because he didn't have to move fast.

01:08:44.000 He just knew.

01:08:45.000 But Trump has to keep telling people...

01:08:47.000 It's like whenever a comedian tells you how dangerous and edgy they are, like...

01:08:53.000 He's not edgy.

01:08:54.000 You shouldn't have to say that. 0.70

01:08:56.000 He's going to have nonsense.

01:08:57.000 He's going to say nonsense that I've already heard before.

01:08:59.000 Yeah, like Dave Attell never tells the audience, hang on.

01:09:04.000 That's just how he thinks.

01:09:06.000 He's not trying to be edgy, which makes him ten times edgier.

01:09:10.000 That might be the lamest thing comedians do, is tell you they're edgy.

01:09:14.000 I used to see that all the time.

01:09:16.000 It's the worst!

01:09:18.000 There was a guy, he would go on stage, he would sit backwards in a chair, and he would go, Welcome to the inside of my mind.

01:09:24.000 No!

01:09:27.000 That man needs some mushrooms.

01:09:30.000 Oh, so bad.

01:09:32.000 You need to just wake up after it's over and go, Oh my god, I gotta change everything.

01:09:36.000 Who am I? I'm so glad for all the LSD trips I took back in the 90s because you come out of it and just kind of go, oh yeah, okay, maybe I need to...

01:09:46.000 Anything to shrink yourself in the universe and make you more secure with like, oh, this is actually vast and I'm tiny in it.

01:09:54.000 Knowing how tiny you are actually gives you more strength and freedom because you're like, if everything I do is insignificant, then I can do anything.

01:10:02.000 If it's ultimately all crumbles, just do whatever you want.

01:10:05.000 Well, sometimes when I get really high and I feel real vulnerable, I feel almost like there's magic in the world.

01:10:13.000 Whereas when I'm sober, everything seems sort of standard.

01:10:19.000 Everything's just as it always is.

01:10:21.000 I'm accustomed to all these paths, and I'm accustomed to getting in my car and driving.

01:10:25.000 But when I'm high, the whole thing is magic.

01:10:29.000 It's like, this is madness.

01:10:31.000 This whole thing is crazy.

01:10:32.000 And there's possibilities.

01:10:34.000 Yes.

01:10:34.000 Too many.

01:10:35.000 Both good and bad possibilities, but they're there.

01:10:37.000 That's what I like.

01:10:38.000 When people say pot makes him paranoid, I'm like, that's my favorite part.

01:10:43.000 Because that paranoia, I need it.

01:10:46.000 For me, it's giant.

01:10:48.000 It helps me a lot.

01:10:49.000 It really does.

01:10:50.000 It's responsible for a lot of my activity.

01:10:53.000 Some people say that it makes you lazy.

01:10:57.000 I'm not getting lazy.

01:10:58.000 I'm getting scared.

01:11:00.000 And then because of that, I go!

01:11:02.000 I gotta go!

01:11:03.000 Gotta do something!

01:11:04.000 Yeah, it was...

01:11:06.000 I remember...

01:11:08.000 Harlan Ellison, who was very anti-drug, very anti-drink, but he was putting together an anthology and he had Philip K. Dick's story, Faith of Our Fathers, in it.

01:11:16.000 He was like, I've never advocated the use of psychedelics or drugs, but my God, if I could write on this level, maybe I would totally gobble them because he's operating on a different level right now.

01:11:27.000 Yeah.

01:11:27.000 Well, I think people are scared of him because, for rightly so, because we've all heard stories of people losing everything, lose their mind.

01:11:34.000 You know, we were talking yesterday about this O'Farrell theater sign that Hunter S. Thompson had given this couple on their wedding anniversary or their wedding day.

01:11:46.000 He stole from San Francisco.

01:11:50.000 He stole this...

01:11:50.000 Right off of Geary Street in O'Farrell.

01:11:52.000 Yeah.

01:11:53.000 Yeah.

01:11:53.000 I don't know.

01:12:09.000 Hunter gave it to this couple along with 20 hits of acid, and the woman took all the acid and was immediately checked into a mental institution and never got out. 0.99

01:12:20.000 So on the day of their wedding, Hunter S. Thompson ruined it.

01:12:24.000 There's the photo.

01:12:25.000 I don't know if you can see it.

01:12:26.000 You can see it there?

01:12:27.000 Yeah.

01:12:28.000 Oh, there you go.

01:12:29.000 Yeah.

01:12:30.000 So, but the story is so quick.

01:12:32.000 Scroll to the story, Jamie, on that side.

01:12:34.000 Yeah.

01:12:35.000 So you can see where it said, gave it to his friend along with 20 hits of acid as a wedding gift.

01:12:41.000 The bride took the acid, was committed to a mental institution, never came back. 0.99

01:12:46.000 Well...

01:12:46.000 By the way, look, I am very for people, if you want to experiment with psychedelics, but I'm also very for set the correct stage for it.

01:12:56.000 Also, don't take all 20, you fucking crazy bitch. 1.00

01:13:00.000 Take one hit. 1.00

01:13:01.000 What the fuck? 1.00

01:13:03.000 See where it goes. 0.99

01:13:04.000 But also, even if you do one, don't do it on the roof of a building with Tom Petty's free-falling playing on a boombox.

01:13:11.000 Maybe lie in a hammock somewhere.

01:13:14.000 The first time I did Acid was the night that Bill Clinton won the presidency.

01:13:19.000 This was in 92. And I was in Matt Weinhold's apartment in San Francisco.

01:13:24.000 And Matt Weinhold and his roommate, this illustrator named Derek Robertson, Marvel illustrator, great comic book guy, did Transmetropolitan.

01:13:32.000 He illustrated Warren Ellis' Transmetropolitan and The Boys for Garth Ennis.

01:13:36.000 They owned every action figure in In the world.

01:13:40.000 And they had them all on little shows.

01:13:42.000 The walls were nothing but action figures.

01:13:44.000 So I'm sitting there and, you know, the patterns in the table started to melt and move a little bit.

01:13:49.000 And then that Fleetwood Mac song, Don't Start Thinking About Tomorrow.

01:13:52.000 Remember they were all dancing to that on stage?

01:13:53.000 Yes.

01:13:54.000 When they won the scores in the Clintons.

01:13:55.000 I looked over at the wall.

01:13:57.000 And the figures weren't going crazy, but as the music played, they were all just kind of subtly, just kind of bounced, like they were in line outside of a sound check, just listening to the music.

01:14:08.000 And it gave me this feeling of such absolute, like, oh, everything in the world is bouncing to a better beat right now.

01:14:17.000 It felt really, really good.

01:14:18.000 It was the perfect time to take LSD. And on that note...

01:14:23.000 Oh...

01:14:25.000 That's a good note to end on, isn't it?

01:14:27.000 Well, you have to get at 2, right?

01:14:29.000 You got something else going on at 2?

01:14:30.000 Yeah.

01:14:30.000 Sadly, I gotta go.

01:14:31.000 That's a good way to end it.

01:14:33.000 Tell everybody your special, the name I Love Everything.

01:14:36.000 Is that it?

01:14:37.000 Tomorrow, I Love Everything on Netflix!

01:14:39.000 Yay! 0.99

01:14:40.000 I'm gonna watch it.

01:14:41.000 Oh, and also, this has nothing to do with me, Doug Stanhope's special also drops tomorrow, which I wanted to include.

01:14:48.000 Is that on Netflix as well?

01:14:50.000 I think it's on Vimeo.

01:14:52.000 Okay.

01:14:52.000 Beautiful.

01:14:53.000 He's dropping a special on the same day and I wanted to give him a plug because he's a friend.

01:14:56.000 Oh, well, you're awesome.

01:14:57.000 I love that guy too.

01:14:58.000 I'll contact him.

01:15:00.000 I'll get that out there.

01:15:02.000 So, thank you.

01:15:03.000 Next time I see you, I hope I see you in person.

01:15:05.000 I don't want to be looking at you through a screen.

01:15:07.000 Stay healthy.

01:15:07.000 It will be in person because there's so much I want to talk to you about and there's some books I want to give you.

01:15:11.000 Beautiful.

01:15:12.000 Alright, man.

01:15:13.000 Well, thank you, my friend.

01:15:14.000 Good luck with your special.

01:15:14.000 I appreciate you.

01:15:16.000 Thanks, man.

01:15:16.000 Bye.

01:15:17.000 Take it easy.

01:15:17.000 Bye.

01:15:18.000 Bye.

The Joe Rogan Experience - May 19, 2020

Joe Rogan Experience #1476 - Patton Oswalt

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Transcript