The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #15 - Brian Redban

00:00:00.000 Start the recording.

00:00:01.000 Start the broadcast. 1.00

00:00:03.000 What the fuck, ladies and gentlemen? 0.99

00:00:06.000 See, it doesn't show that it started, but I know it has. 0.99

00:00:09.000 Right there at the start. 0.98

00:00:10.000 I know, but you gotta refresh it and shit. 0.96

00:00:12.000 It usually takes a couple seconds that will do it. 1.00

00:00:13.000 That's bullshit, son! 1.00

00:00:15.000 Ladies and gentlemen. 1.00

00:00:17.000 That's me.

00:00:18.000 There you go.

00:00:21.000 Every time we do this.

00:00:22.000 I could have sworn I muted it this time.

00:00:24.000 You know when you do it by yourself, you don't do it.

00:00:26.000 You catch yourself.

00:00:28.000 Yeah.

00:00:29.000 Maybe I'm a little bit distracted.

00:00:30.000 You do not know.

00:00:31.000 No, no, no.

00:00:33.000 Don't make me make fun of you.

00:00:37.000 You stop.

00:00:38.000 Alright, I'm gonna change it. 1.00

00:00:40.000 This motherfucker and his goddamn iPad. 1.00

00:00:43.000 I fucking love it, man. 1.00

00:00:45.000 Listen, ladies and gentlemen, it's a little gay, but if it's good enough for the Romans, it's good enough for the Greeks, look at you. 0.99

00:00:52.000 I got an iPad. 0.70

00:00:52.000 Even though I said I wasn't going to get one, I got one. 0.70

00:00:55.000 How long did it take for you to get one?

00:00:56.000 Walked by. 0.99

00:00:57.000 I said, you guys got any of them bitches? 1.00

00:00:58.000 You guys said yes, and I said, okay, let's go. 0.99

00:01:01.000 First day.

00:01:01.000 Yeah.

00:01:03.000 It's kind of interesting.

00:01:05.000 What I am interested in is what's going to happen with these things. 0.99

00:01:10.000 Eventually these things are going to be able to control your house and shit. 1.00

00:01:14.000 You can already do that. 0.97

00:01:16.000 If the dragon, naturally speaking, is any good on this, do you know if it is?

00:01:19.000 It's alright.

00:01:20.000 It's good if you have a headphone microphone thing plugged into it.

00:01:23.000 I tried to do it in a loud room and it kind of sucked.

00:01:27.000 Well, I've got to write a book now and I just signed a deal. 0.99

00:01:31.000 So it's fucking official. 0.97

00:01:33.000 I'm in the middle of writing this thing. 1.00

00:01:34.000 And I'm thinking, God damn, it takes a long time to write shit. 0.99

00:01:37.000 It might be easier to just talk it out. 0.99

00:01:39.000 But I don't think this stuff is any good now.

00:01:42.000 People told me that voice recognition software is really good on PCs.

00:01:48.000 But not quite there on the Mac yet.

00:01:50.000 Have you heard anything?

00:01:50.000 I haven't heard that because one of the best ones on the PC is Dragon, naturally speaking.

00:01:55.000 So it's the same technology.

00:01:57.000 It's the same.

00:01:58.000 Everything's the same.

00:01:59.000 So there shouldn't be a difference.

00:02:00.000 But it's not the same version because it's a Unix-based for the Mac operating system.

00:02:06.000 It's totally different.

00:02:07.000 It's like a different version.

00:02:08.000 It's the same programming language.

00:02:10.000 It's like an Xbox and a PS3. The programming is the same.

00:02:17.000 It's just two different ways to pick up.

00:02:18.000 Is that true, ladies and gentlemen?

00:02:19.000 Do any of you wizards out there know whether or not he's speaking the truth?

00:02:22.000 Because I believe Brian.

00:02:24.000 But I also believe that Brian did not know the answer.

00:02:26.000 Well, it's just...

00:02:28.000 I barely use Dragon, so I could be wrong.

00:02:31.000 I'm not a huge Dragon nerd, but to me it makes sense that if a company makes that kind of software, it would be the same on PC and Mac.

00:02:39.000 It might have to get there a different way, but the actual brains of the software would be the same.

00:02:44.000 The same program.

00:02:45.000 Yeah.

00:02:45.000 There's something about actually writing things, too, that's better than speaking it and writing it.

00:02:51.000 Because when I write something, if I write a blog, I don't type that fast.

00:02:54.000 So if I'm writing something, each word that I'm thinking about, I'm really dwelling on it and the other words that come after it.

00:03:00.000 That's why one of the things people are always really impressed about is the ability to speak without stammering and to have something to say.

00:03:06.000 I mean, that's the reason why Obama got elected, really, is not just because he's black, but because he's black and he's this really good speaker.

00:03:13.000 He's really good at talking.

00:03:15.000 And there is an art form to that. 0.99

00:03:16.000 It's a management of your The ability to recognize what you're going to say next and the inflection you're going to use and preparation and all that shit. 0.98

00:03:24.000 There's an art to it. 0.82

00:03:26.000 But, you know, it's more interesting usually when I read things that people wrote and they actually wrote it.

00:03:34.000 They sat down and they really thought about how this is going to be absorbed.

00:03:38.000 You know, there's a craft.

00:03:40.000 There's a craft to both, but there's a real craft to writing.

00:03:44.000 You know, actual writing itself.

00:03:45.000 I really appreciate when I read good writers.

00:03:47.000 Don't you?

00:03:48.000 Yeah.

00:03:49.000 You know, I don't read that much, but the few books that I choose, I pick out certain things I want to read.

00:03:55.000 Because I read all day on the internet, so when it comes to a book, I'm like, alright, I've read so much today, I don't need to read anymore, you know, type thing.

00:04:01.000 So I've actually been reading less books ever since the internet's kind of grabbed me, I've noticed.

00:04:07.000 Yeah.

00:04:07.000 Yeah, definitely.

00:04:09.000 Yeah.

00:04:09.000 The last good book I read was a book called Early Bird.

00:04:12.000 Highly recommend it, though.

00:04:13.000 It was about a guy that used to write for, I think, Letterman.

00:04:16.000 And he retired.

00:04:17.000 This is a real guy.

00:04:19.000 And he retired and he went to Florida and lived in a retirement home.

00:04:22.000 And he just documented his life inside a retirement home, being retired at the age of 35. It was one of the funniest books, and it's weird how the retirement village is like high school.

00:04:32.000 You know, there's like the popular old people, and they have like their cliques and stuff like that, and it's so weird. 1.00

00:04:37.000 You kind of go back to that old school thing.

00:04:40.000 That's hilarious.

00:04:41.000 Early bird.

00:04:42.000 Yeah, people are like that, man.

00:04:43.000 They're like that no matter what.

00:04:45.000 They're like that if they're 80. They're like that if they're 180. They're, you know, we're monkeys, man.

00:04:50.000 We have a whole bunch of instincts that we follow that really are directly attributable to our time in the jungle, you know? 0.96

00:04:57.000 I mean, that's what I've said about human beings, that there's something fucked up about us where we need... 0.99

00:05:02.000 You're distracting the shit out of me with that thing, son. 0.99

00:05:04.000 Let's not be fucking browsing online the entire time we're talking. 0.98

00:05:07.000 I was actually seeing if we could get our live show on the iPad. 0.98

00:05:09.000 I was doing it live. 0.99

00:05:12.000 I'm watching you fucking move things around. 1.00

00:05:14.000 Don't look at me. 1.00

00:05:14.000 I'm just sitting behind you. 1.00

00:05:15.000 No, don't sit behind me because then I can't talk to you.

00:05:17.000 I gotta turn like this.

00:05:18.000 My neck hurts from jiu-jitsu. 0.98

00:05:20.000 Hey, you fucking got me forgetting what we were talking about. 0.99

00:05:24.000 Uh... 0.99

00:05:25.000 Yeah, me too. 0.99

00:05:26.000 God damn it. 1.00

00:05:27.000 Fucking stoners. 1.00

00:05:29.000 We were talking about talking and writing. 1.00

00:05:32.000 The last guy who got me into writing, or reading and writing really, but I read The Great Shark Hunt, the Hunter S. Thompson book.

00:05:39.000 It's kind of a compilation book of all of his stories. 0.99

00:05:43.000 Fuck, that dude could write. 0.99

00:05:44.000 That dude had some really interesting writing that got you excited to read more about it. 1.00

00:05:49.000 It's kind of like this weird blend of fiction and nonfiction.

00:05:52.000 That's one of the things that was so cool about Hunter's writing. 0.90

00:05:55.000 This guy was just crazy. 0.99

00:05:56.000 He was just making all kinds of crazy shit up about Las Vegas and campaigns and dudes being on drugs. 0.99

00:06:03.000 When Ed Muskie was running for president, Hunter Thompson just started printing in Rolling Stone magazine every week that it was widely known that this guy had an Ibogaine addiction and that he was bringing in Brazilian doctors. 0.96

00:06:15.000 Nobody ever done that before. 0.95

00:06:17.000 Nobody ever done real serious coverage of a political event and just started adding nutty shit to it that totally wasn't real. 0.96

00:06:24.000 So, literally, this guy changed the fucking course of the election, because that guy was one of the favorites. 0.97

00:06:29.000 And because Hunter's writing about him having an Ibogaine addiction, which is this crazy exotic drug from Africa, Hunter wrote this whole thing about it, and this guy literally fell apart on the campaign trail. 0.97

00:06:40.000 People were heckling him. 0.99

00:06:41.000 And he was doing these campaign speeches and just crumpled just because of some crazy shit that this guy wrote. 0.99

00:06:46.000 And when they asked him about it, and he goes, well, you made up that stuff about Ed Muskie having an Ibogaine. 0.99

00:06:53.000 He goes, well, I didn't make it up.

00:06:54.000 I didn't print it.

00:06:55.000 I said it was a rumor.

00:06:57.000 And he goes, and it was a rumor, and I started it in Milwaukee.

00:07:02.000 No way, really? 0.95

00:07:02.000 He was just crazy. 0.95

00:07:04.000 That's funny. 0.89

00:07:04.000 But he got away with it, and he was just constantly on acid. 0.89

00:07:07.000 He was constantly doing mescaline.

00:07:09.000 He was constantly doing cocaine. 0.98

00:07:11.000 I mean, he was constantly getting fucked up in writing. 1.00

00:07:14.000 Like, super uber fucked up. 0.97

00:07:16.000 Is there a book or a movie that you would recommend about all this? 0.98

00:07:19.000 Yeah.

00:07:20.000 Well, I didn't even get into him until I watched the documentary Gonzo.

00:07:23.000 Gonzo.

00:07:24.000 You know, I liked the movie Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, and I'd seen him on talk shows before, and I always knew that he was this kind of crazy guy. 0.99

00:07:30.000 There was this, you know, older dude who was really nutty, liked to shoot guns, and, you know, looked like, you know, your friend's dad, but he was fucking completely psychotic. 0.93

00:07:38.000 You know, it was just this guy left over from the 60s that somehow or another morphed into this, like, super violent fucking drug-addled Compound Junkie, that's what he used to call himself, you know? 0.79

00:07:49.000 I just added it to my Netflix queue on my iPad, Joe. 0.79

00:07:52.000 Good job.

00:07:53.000 See that?

00:07:53.000 It's a very good documentary.

00:07:55.000 But it's really well made too, so it really gets you into how fucking interesting this guy was.

00:08:01.000 And it brings me back to the same thing that I always think of, man.

00:08:03.000 When you're really that good, he's so good. 0.98

00:08:05.000 I always wonder how fucking crazy you have to be to be really good, you know? 0.98

00:08:10.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:08:10.000 Like in almost everything, like in Michael Jackson, in fucking sports, anybody like Tiger Woods, you know, look how crazy he is. 0.99

00:08:17.000 I almost think that you have to be a certain, there has to be a certain amount of imbalance to you to be really the best at anything, to be excellent. 0.85

00:08:25.000 Yeah, well that's why you're considered the best usually, because you're not in the same road as everybody else.

00:08:31.000 You're on the side street, you know, you're a little different than everyone else.

00:08:34.000 So most successful people are not just like a common person.

00:08:39.000 Not just that, but what I'm saying is that the commitment that's involved in order to get to the highest levels of anything, you almost have to be completely nuts in order to hit those RPMs.

00:08:50.000 It's like with so many things, especially when it comes to the working world.

00:08:54.000 When it comes to the artistic world, I could see an argument for there's no...

00:08:59.000 There's never too much.

00:09:00.000 There's never too much art that you can produce because you're just producing positive energy.

00:09:03.000 You know, but people that, like, get addicted to, like, success in the business world and try to be, like, the number one guy in the business world, I mean, that's one of the main reasons why we have all these problems today with corporations, how corporations are sort of these consciousness...

00:09:17.000 I mean, now corporations basically are allowed to, they're judged as an individual.

00:09:23.000 You know, corporations are a thing. 0.99

00:09:25.000 Like, they have rights and shit. 0.94

00:09:26.000 Like, they can contribute to campaigns now as much as they want. 0.98

00:09:29.000 They can do all kinds of crazy shit, you know, as a corporation and get away with it because they don't think of it as them as an individual doing it. 0.95

00:09:37.000 They think of it as, well, you know, it's all business and we're part of business. 0.98

00:09:40.000 Like they can do fucked up things in overseas countries, you know, third world countries, and they don't even think that they're doing anything bad because what they're doing is they're just doing business and there's just a bunch of people involved doing it.

00:09:52.000 So no one person feels like total responsibility for what's happening.

00:09:56.000 You know, and that's like a real problem that we have.

00:09:59.000 And I think one of the real problems that we have Is related to people just being super competitive. 0.99

00:10:05.000 You know, that's the only reason why these fucking super crazy billionaire dudes would keep pushing forward. 0.98

00:10:10.000 You know, at a certain point in time, how much fucking money do you have to have? 1.00

00:10:14.000 You know, when you're one of those dudes that has like 30, 40 billion dollars and you're still trying to rape third world countries, like, what the fuck is going on? 1.00

00:10:22.000 Like, how much money do you need, bitch? 1.00

00:10:23.000 You know, that's a lot of goddamn money. 1.00

00:10:25.000 You know, what is that? 0.99

00:10:26.000 Why would they not be able to recognize that there's something wrong there? 1.00

00:10:29.000 Well, they're crazy. 0.98

00:10:30.000 That's what it is. 1.00

00:10:31.000 To get at the highest levels of anything, whether it's golf or whether it's fucking, you know, whatever the fuck it is, to get at the highest levels of anything, you gotta be a little nutty, man. 0.99

00:10:39.000 Whether it's sports, whether it's singing, you know, whether it's performing, writing. 0.98

00:10:46.000 I think to really achieve those crazy great highs, you almost have to lose your connection to everybody else or lose control of your connection.

00:10:58.000 It's weird because that's our high watermark.

00:11:01.000 We're always aspiring towards higher and higher levels of performance in everything we do.

00:11:08.000 Whether it's athletic or anything you do, you're always trying to do better than you did before.

00:11:12.000 That's like a human ethic that we have.

00:11:15.000 It's very strange, man, because there's never a point in time where we ever step back and go, you know, hey, this is good.

00:11:21.000 We're good right here.

00:11:21.000 Let's just concentrate all our time right now instead of making more money.

00:11:26.000 Let's try to concentrate all our time and try to make things better for each other.

00:11:30.000 You know?

00:11:30.000 Let's try to concentrate our time and dealing with all these problems that exist all over the world.

00:11:34.000 Instead of trying to, you know, fucking smash atoms and create black holes, let's settle down. 1.00

00:11:40.000 You know, and let's concentrate on some other shit. 1.00

00:11:43.000 Look at the surplus of money that we have. 1.00

00:11:45.000 but they don't ever think like that all they think of is more more more more more more more like they're going to live forever And those motherfuckers drop a heart attack left and right. 1.00

00:11:52.000 Those, like, CEOs of big corporation type dudes, those motherfuckers die like crazy. 1.00

00:11:57.000 They die all the time. 1.00

00:11:58.000 Those guys are... 1.00

00:11:59.000 Like Dick Cheney, he's had 150 fucking heart attacks. 1.00

00:12:02.000 And one of the reasons is because he's just such an evil cunt. 1.00

00:12:06.000 If you're that fucking evil, you're going to have some goddamn heart attacks. 1.00

00:12:10.000 You're doing some wicked shit. 1.00

00:12:12.000 You're creating so much bad energy. 1.00

00:12:14.000 And you're pushing constantly, constantly, constantly. 0.99

00:12:18.000 What kind of balls do you have to have to be the fucking CEO of a corporation like Halliburton And then go from that to being the Vice President of the United States. 0.99

00:12:27.000 And then go from that to signing billion dollar agreements with Halliburton where billions, literally billions of dollars were lost. 1.00

00:12:35.000 Like they don't know where it went.

00:12:37.000 Billions in corruption.

00:12:38.000 They have no idea where like all kinds of money went. 1.00

00:12:41.000 And the fact that that motherfucker profited on it. 1.00

00:12:45.000 He had shares in Halliburton while he was the fucking president. 1.00

00:12:49.000 I mean, he got money from them while he was the president. 0.99

00:12:51.000 Or vice president.

00:12:52.000 I mean, he really was the president. 1.00

00:12:54.000 Really, he was the fucking marionette, supposedly. 0.99

00:12:57.000 Remember the days where he was always in the bunker? 1.00

00:13:00.000 Remember they would always talk about Dick Cheney being in the bunker?

00:13:03.000 Where is this bunker? 0.99

00:13:05.000 Is this some Batman type shit? 1.00

00:13:07.000 What does he have? 1.00

00:13:08.000 What is the Dick Cheney bunker?

00:13:10.000 It's probably like a golf club.

00:13:12.000 It's another nickname for a golf club.

00:13:13.000 He's at the bunker. 0.99

00:13:15.000 He's at the whorehouse. 0.97

00:13:16.000 With dudes. 0.98

00:13:18.000 Banging dudes.

00:13:19.000 That was the big secret of the whole Bush White House. 1.00

00:13:23.000 There was a lot of gay shit going on. 1.00

00:13:25.000 A lot of gay shit. 1.00

00:13:27.000 That guy Jeff Gannon, who's a reporter for the White House, he was a White House embedded reporter, and he would lob these super softball questions at President Bush. 1.00

00:13:37.000 Like, Mr. Bush, President Bush, when, or Mr. President, when are the Democrats just going to come to reality?

00:13:45.000 When are they going to come to their senses?

00:13:47.000 Do you think that's ever going to happen? 1.00

00:13:48.000 He would say shit like that. 1.00

00:13:50.000 And other reporters were like, who is this motherfucker? 1.00

00:13:52.000 And so the other reporters started investigating this dude. 1.00

00:13:55.000 And they found out that he had a fucking gay porn website. 1.00

00:13:57.000 With him him with like you know like a fucking bare chest in like a towel over his cock and shit like Super gay with dog tags on and it was gay porn geared towards guys with military fetishes. 1.00

00:14:11.000 No No way. 1.00

00:14:12.000 Yes way.

00:14:12.000 Have you heard about the tickle guy?

00:14:14.000 Have you heard about that guy in the news recently?

00:14:16.000 No.

00:14:17.000 They had tickle parties.

00:14:20.000 Same thing.

00:14:21.000 He worked for the government somehow.

00:14:24.000 Dude, does anyone know what I'm talking about?

00:14:26.000 The tickle guy.

00:14:27.000 They had ticklers that would come over and they would all have tickle parties. 1.00

00:14:31.000 Well, how about that fucking woman who was the madam? 1.00

00:14:33.000 How about that woman who was the madam for that big fucking brothel in Washington, D.C.? And this chick claims she's got the fucking ins on everybody in Washington. 1.00

00:14:43.000 All these senators that used her service. 0.99

00:14:45.000 All these different people.

00:14:46.000 And then she commits suicide.

00:14:49.000 And she even said, she did her interview, she's like, if I commit suicide, they did this to me.

00:14:54.000 I am not going to kill myself.

00:14:56.000 I'm happy.

00:14:57.000 I want to live. 0.99

00:14:58.000 Fucking gone in the whole case. 0.99

00:15:01.000 Gone. 1.00

00:15:01.000 Dust in the wind. 1.00

00:15:03.000 Dust in the wind.

00:15:04.000 What is about Jesse James?

00:15:06.000 Did you see his girlfriend?

00:15:08.000 Oh my goodness!

00:15:09.000 And that's what happens, man. 0.99

00:15:10.000 People get fucking wacky about Jesse James or Tiger Woods or whatever the fuck it is this week in the news. 0.99

00:15:16.000 And while all that's going on, Crime. 0.99

00:15:19.000 Just left and right.

00:15:20.000 They're just stealing. 1.00

00:15:22.000 Stealing money and fucking bitches and killing bitches to tell they're gonna fuck bitches. 1.00

00:15:27.000 It's the congressman Eric Massa that had the tickle parties. 1.00

00:15:31.000 Oh, interesting.

00:15:33.000 Democrat senator.

00:15:35.000 Democrat Senator was on The Daily Show.

00:15:37.000 He was on The Daily Show talking about it?

00:15:38.000 No, I think they had it on The Daily Show.

00:15:40.000 That's where they talked about it.

00:15:41.000 That's interesting.

00:15:41.000 Oh, Tickle Story, New York Times.

00:15:42.000 Yeah, there we go.

00:15:43.000 Somebody Twittered it.

00:15:44.000 Look on the tweets.

00:15:45.000 Is that the tweets or the chat thing?

00:15:48.000 This is on Twitter right now.

00:15:49.000 People responding to you on Twitter.

00:15:51.000 So if you go to Joe's website, joeroden.net, and click on webcams, you can see the chat we're talking about.

00:15:57.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:15:58.000 Or you can go to my Ustream page.

00:15:59.000 You can see the whole chat on the Ustream page.

00:16:02.000 What the hell is Joe going on about? 0.99

00:16:04.000 Bitch, you can't just tune in halfway in the middle. 1.00

00:16:07.000 We're talking about shit the way the human mind works, man. 1.00

00:16:11.000 That there's an error in the way the human mind works. 1.00

00:16:14.000 And that's the reason why people are doing all this crazy shit like trying to conquer the world and billionaires are fucking... 0.99

00:16:21.000 Torturing these third world countries and crushing their resources and doing it all for money. 1.00

00:16:26.000 The reason why is there's an error in the human mind.

00:16:30.000 And there's an error that causes us to never have perspective.

00:16:33.000 We're always moving in a direction, but we don't have a perspective.

00:16:37.000 Nobody ever stops and very, very few people stop and realize at a certain point in time.

00:16:41.000 I would rather live an easygoing, really peaceful life and make less money and have less bullshit and less drama in my life and just be happy all the time than be this. 0.95

00:16:55.000 Super ambitious, gotta go get it, typical American. 0.97

00:16:58.000 And that's a problem, man. 1.00

00:17:01.000 That fucking typical American attitude is bullshit because we're going to die. 1.00

00:17:04.000 We're fucking dying, all of us. 1.00

00:17:07.000 This is totally temporary. 0.97

00:17:09.000 So the right thing to do is to try to balance it all out and have the most amount of fun possible and the most amount of positive time, the most amount of positive energy during the time that you have.

00:17:22.000 But then there's the keeping up with the Joneses thing, this trick that gets us thinking that somehow or another bigger houses or bigger cars or bigger bullshit is going to make you happy. 0.98

00:17:30.000 Some of the most miserable fucks that I've ever met in my life were rich and famous, okay? 1.00

00:17:36.000 Some of the most miserable fucking human beings I've ever met. 1.00

00:17:39.000 Rich and famous and living in a torturous existence. 1.00

00:17:43.000 We were talking about our friend on the way over here who's got the female problem. 1.00

00:17:48.000 This guy is a very successful guy.

00:17:51.000 He's been on television.

00:17:53.000 He's a guy that people enjoy.

00:17:56.000 They go to see him.

00:17:58.000 His life is turmoil. 1.00

00:18:00.000 It's fucking chaos. 1.00

00:18:03.000 It's a few steps before murder-suicide, right? 1.00

00:18:07.000 It is.

00:18:08.000 It's right there.

00:18:09.000 It's knocking on murder-suicide's door.

00:18:11.000 You know, if you got that phone call in the middle of the night, you wouldn't be that surprised. 0.99

00:18:14.000 You'd be like, God damn it. 0.99

00:18:16.000 Damn, should have done something else. 0.99

00:18:17.000 Yeah, but this is nothing you can do. 0.99

00:18:19.000 That's the cold hard fact.

00:18:21.000 There's nothing you can do. 1.00

00:18:22.000 At the end of the day, these motherfuckers have to go home. 1.00

00:18:24.000 It's like, you have to figure out what is it that we're really doing here. 1.00

00:18:28.000 What is it?

00:18:29.000 And because there's so fucking many of us, I think human beings have lost this sense of community. 0.94

00:18:34.000 I think human beings are programmed to be in tribes. 0.96

00:18:38.000 We're programmed to be in tribes of like 50 to 200 people.

00:18:41.000 Or maybe more.

00:18:42.000 But enough so that you know everybody. 0.99

00:18:43.000 And you know, when we live alone, we're fucking miserable. 0.99

00:18:47.000 Like, that's why we don't trust hermits. 1.00

00:18:49.000 We don't trust people that go off into the woods by themselves. 1.00

00:18:52.000 Look at this sketchy motherfucker. 1.00

00:18:53.000 He wants to be by himself. 1.00

00:18:54.000 You know, we don't trust that shit because that's not how you're supposed to be. 1.00

00:18:57.000 We're not programmed for that. 1.00

00:18:59.000 We're programmed to be in small groups of people so that we work together and we protect each other and we support each other.

00:19:04.000 But we're living in a group that's way too big.

00:19:07.000 We're tricked into believing that we're a part of some 300 million strong group.

00:19:12.000 You know?

00:19:13.000 That's why, like, wars work.

00:19:15.000 You know, the reason why wars work is because we feel like, well, yeah, we gotta defend ourselves, and we all know we have this sort of sense of loyalty to defend ourselves, but at a certain point, it's like, against what?

00:19:23.000 Hold on a second.

00:19:25.000 We are 300 million fucking people, and we're defending ourselves against, what, 300 million other people from somewhere else that we don't even know? 0.99

00:19:33.000 What is going on? 0.99

00:19:34.000 Are they really after us?

00:19:35.000 Like, what's happening?

00:19:36.000 What?

00:19:36.000 I'm getting this from you and I'm connected to you somehow?

00:19:39.000 Who the fuck are you and why are these people mad at you? 1.00

00:19:41.000 Why are these fucking people in this other country mad at you? 1.00

00:19:44.000 Why do they want to come over here and kill me because some shit you did? 1.00

00:19:47.000 What the fuck are we doing? 1.00

00:19:49.000 Until you know what we're doing overseas, you can't support it. 0.99

00:19:53.000 You can't be involved.

00:19:54.000 You know, there's a video that was released that you haven't seen yet.

00:19:57.000 It was on WikiLeaks where it shows this Apache helicopter shooting these Hellfire missiles into these people.

00:20:03.000 And they weren't soldiers.

00:20:04.000 They were mistaken as soldiers and I don't know...

00:20:06.000 The US did it?

00:20:07.000 I watched it.

00:20:08.000 The US did it, yeah.

00:20:10.000 Yeah.

00:20:10.000 In 2007, covered it up and then WikiLeaks got a hold of it.

00:20:14.000 Someone in the armed forces apparently was a whistleblower and just thought that this was a horrible situation and it needed to be corrected.

00:20:21.000 And these guys were like, you know, look, I mean, if they thought they were insurgents, I could see how they developed this antagonistic attitude towards the enemy.

00:20:30.000 Because this guy's wounded, they shot him up, and this one guy survived.

00:20:32.000 He's like, just pick up a weapon, just pick up a weapon.

00:20:34.000 Like, he's asking him to just pick up a weapon so he can ice him.

00:20:37.000 And he's got these 30... 1.00

00:20:39.000 And look, they're the bad guy, and this guy is out there, and he's in the shit, and he's trying to survive. 1.00

00:20:43.000 I mean, that's the attitude you have to have. 1.00

00:20:45.000 If you don't have that attitude, and you're in war, you're gonna get killed. 0.99

00:20:48.000 But what it shows you is, like, what the fuck are we doing there? 0.99

00:20:52.000 What are we doing that our American friends, our people who live over here in this country, are subject to becoming that guy? 0.97

00:21:00.000 Are subject to being put in a situation where they are shooting at civilians accidentally and thinking they're insurgents? 0.97

00:21:05.000 They have to live with these fucking memories because someone told us that we're supposed to be over there for some fucking strange reason? 0.99

00:21:11.000 Some fake weapons of mass destruction and now some fucking democracy building project. 1.00

00:21:17.000 You're surprised though an 18 year old made a bad decision. 0.99

00:21:20.000 I don't think it was an 18 year old.

00:21:21.000 These are pilots bro. 0.98

00:21:22.000 I know but half those people are so young that it's retarded. 1.00

00:21:24.000 I mean I didn't get smart and I mean smart with like a Z until like 25, 27. I would probably say I started actually doing, making better decisions not fucking doing crazy shit. 1.00

00:21:36.000 No, listen. 0.99

00:21:37.000 No doubt about it.

00:21:38.000 I was retarded when I was 18. And if I was 18 and I was in war, I would be doing the exact same shit. 0.99

00:21:43.000 I was hyper aggressive, extra violent, and ready to do stupid shit. 1.00

00:21:48.000 When you're an 18-year-old man and you're around a bunch of people who tell you you're supposed to be doing stupid shit, you're supposed to be violent, you're supposed to be attacking, you're supposed to be a killer. 1.00

00:21:59.000 I mean, man, you could program the shit out of us, man. 1.00

00:22:03.000 If you're a fucking angry 18-year-old kid, you know, who has a need to belong to something, and this need to belong takes you to another country, and all of a sudden you're, you know, you're in Afghanistan, you're fighting for America, you feel like, you know, you're representing some real shit, and then someone's fucking telling you, you know, this guy's telling you, you're a goddamn killer. 1.00

00:22:24.000 You know, you know, I'm fucking proud of you, boys. 1.00

00:22:26.000 You go out there and go get it, you know? 0.97

00:22:27.000 Like, total full metal jacket style.

00:22:30.000 You know?

00:22:30.000 Look, man, any of us can get sucked into that.

00:22:33.000 I could've got sucked into it.

00:22:34.000 You could've got sucked into it.

00:22:35.000 We all could've. 0.99

00:22:36.000 But the idea that they're over there protecting us, like, man, we have to sit down and fucking talk this through. 0.95

00:22:41.000 Like, what are you talking about? 0.97

00:22:43.000 You know?

00:22:43.000 They're protecting us?

00:22:45.000 Like, they're protecting our freedoms?

00:22:46.000 Look, if they really were protecting our freedoms, what a noble thing. 0.74

00:22:50.000 If there really was some evil empire out there like the Nazis that were trying to fucking take out Americans and there was millions of them and they were storming the beaches and taking over countries, that's not what's happening. 0.99

00:23:01.000 There's a bunch of fucking dudes living in caves and we don't even have to fucking go in. 0.99

00:23:07.000 What we're doing now that's most successful is these fucking drones. 1.00

00:23:12.000 Aircrafts that they're shooting around total straight video game type shit, shooting hellfire missiles into mountains and killing people. 1.00

00:23:19.000 I mean, that's probably the best way to hunt these fucking dudes anyway if there really are terrorists out there. 1.00

00:23:24.000 Like, the whole thing is nuts. 0.99

00:23:26.000 You hear people like Michael Moore saying that there's only 100 Taliban or 1,000 Taliban, I forget what he said, living in Afghanistan.

00:23:32.000 It was 100 or 1,000. 0.98

00:23:33.000 Either one of them is nuts.

00:23:34.000 The fact that we got 30,000 troops over there, it's like, what are we?

00:23:37.000 We just sent 30,000 more. 0.99

00:23:38.000 Like, what the fuck are we doing? 0.99

00:23:40.000 It's all so scary that we're putting our trust into people that are known liars. 0.99

00:23:45.000 You know, the idea of protecting America, the idea of, you know, being a proud citizen and standing up for your country, that's all noble. 1.00

00:23:52.000 The real problem is, who is giving the goddamn fucking orders? 0.99

00:23:56.000 People that totally cannot be trusted. 1.00

00:23:59.000 Across the board, full of shit. 1.00

00:24:01.000 At every goddamn turn. 1.00

00:24:03.000 Whether it's the Gulf of Tonkin, whether it's the weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, whatever the fuck it may be. 1.00

00:24:09.000 You know, and it's not just Republican, it's Democrat. 0.98

00:24:12.000 It's this fucking crazy healthcare thing, and this fucking crazy thing that's going on with the bank bailouts, where all this money is just flying around, and there's no accountability, and nobody knows where the fuck it's going, and these executives that came from these companies that got big fucking bailout checks, they're taking big bonus checks and saying, well, if they don't get these bonuses, they quit. 1.00

00:24:33.000 Like, fuck you! 1.00

00:24:34.000 What is happening? 1.00

00:24:36.000 This is a goddamn money grab. 1.00

00:24:38.000 Like, how is this money grab going on? 1.00

00:24:40.000 The money grab's going on because they're all corrupt. 1.00

00:24:42.000 The Democrats, the Republicans, they all owe favors to people that got them in office and they suck dick and kiss ass and they let this bullshit pass through. 1.00

00:24:51.000 So it's not just the Republicans. 1.00

00:24:53.000 It's not just the people who want war, the military-industrial complex. 1.00

00:24:56.000 It's fucking all of them. 1.00

00:24:58.000 It's all of them. 1.00

00:24:59.000 We live in a horribly corrupt system that is, we're like sick. 0.99

00:25:05.000 We're like, the human race is sick. 0.91

00:25:07.000 Like, there's something wrong with the way we think and behave.

00:25:09.000 And...

00:25:10.000 Or it's right and we think it's wrong.

00:25:12.000 We're supposed to think that.

00:25:14.000 We're supposed to do that.

00:25:15.000 No, because it doesn't have to be this way.

00:25:17.000 If you want total enjoyment for the people that are participating in it, it doesn't have to be this way.

00:25:22.000 And the way it is right now is this way because too many people are passive and they're sitting back and they're just allowing this life to keep rolling forward in the same direction. 0.76

00:25:31.000 Look, it's going in a certain direction for sure, but it doesn't have to be negative and it doesn't have to fucking involve war. 0.97

00:25:37.000 It doesn't have to involve all this shit that's going on in these other countries. 0.98

00:25:40.000 We're being tricked into thinking it does. 0.99

00:25:42.000 We're supposed to be getting past that shit and we're supposed to be evolving in a technological sense. 0.99

00:25:48.000 But we should be evolving socially too. 0.99

00:25:50.000 And we're not. 0.97

00:25:51.000 We're still socially the same way we were 30, 40, fucking 50 years ago. 1.00

00:25:55.000 We're still doing the same dumb shit where it's gigantic groups of people led by a couple of leaders will attack another gigantic group of people and a bunch of fucking people that have nothing to do with anything die. 1.00

00:26:05.000 And someone is getting money from them. 1.00

00:26:07.000 That's all it is.

00:26:09.000 It's all about resources. 0.98

00:26:10.000 Every fucking one that's ever been fought, ever, they're about resources. 0.98

00:26:14.000 And it's just crazy that in 2010, we... 0.99

00:26:18.000 You know, the real problem is we live too long.

00:26:21.000 Right now, we live to be like 80, 90, 100. You live long enough to figure out it's all bullshit. 1.00

00:26:27.000 Back in the day, when you were fighting for the Roman Empire, you died a fucking plague when you were 19. You know what I'm saying? 1.00

00:26:34.000 If you lived to be 30, you did a lot of shit. 1.00

00:26:37.000 You got a long ass life. 1.00

00:26:39.000 Jesus, they killed him at 33 if he was ever real. 0.99

00:26:42.000 Look at all that.

00:26:43.000 People didn't live back then. 1.00

00:26:45.000 Nowadays, motherfuckers live forever. 1.00

00:26:48.000 You know, you hear about some new lady in France, you know, 126, like, what? 1.00

00:26:53.000 126, smoked cigarettes, drank red wine. 1.00

00:26:56.000 What the fuck? 1.00

00:26:58.000 126. It's incredible. 1.00

00:27:00.000 People live way longer and you live, if you live past a certain point, like you and I are very fortunate because we're in the entertainment industry.

00:27:08.000 So we don't have a specific job that we have to do every morning.

00:27:11.000 Like we don't have to go to work and work on say insurance cases all day, stuff that we're not interested in.

00:27:16.000 We're lucky that we get to create and we're lucky that we get to do stuff that we find interesting, that it's all fun.

00:27:23.000 But for most people, that's not the case. 0.81

00:27:24.000 And when it's not the case, and when your whole day is filled with work, and I've been there before, and you've been there before, you don't fucking think too much. 0.71

00:27:32.000 You don't figure too much out.

00:27:33.000 When you're working eight hours a goddamn day plus, and you're trying to get some overtime in because you got extra bills and credit card debt and shit, when it gets to a certain point in time, at the end of your day, man, you don't got time to contemplate the universe or culture or why people behave the way they behave. 0.99

00:27:49.000 No, you just fucking keep going. 0.99

00:27:51.000 Life is goddamn hard. 1.00

00:27:53.000 You just keep fucking going. 1.00

00:27:55.000 But you and I have way more time by ourselves to think on our own than most people. 1.00

00:28:00.000 So you get to a certain point in time, and you know, by the time I'm 42, by the time you're like 42, like, fuck, man. 1.00

00:28:07.000 The whole hustle is so obvious and stupid. 1.00

00:28:10.000 It's like the same hustle that would have got me when I was 18. I would have goddamn joined the army for sure when I was 18. When I'm 42, it makes me angry because somebody my age is doing this hustle on someone who's 18. You know, not even my age, older than me. 1.00

00:28:23.000 You know, I mean, it's like, you motherfuckers should have figured it out already. 1.00

00:28:27.000 You motherfuckers that are older than me, that are running the planet, you should be delivering this message. 1.00

00:28:31.000 You should have figured this out. 1.00

00:28:32.000 You should know that we're living like retards, that this is nonsensical, that this is not sustainable. 0.99

00:28:40.000 But we could live a sustainable life. 0.99

00:28:42.000 And it doesn't involve going to countries where you've never been and fucking up people you've never met. 0.92

00:28:47.000 It doesn't involve that. 0.99

00:28:49.000 You know, and this fucking argument like about our boys, you know, what do you want our boys to die, that's how they have to behave over there? 1.00

00:28:54.000 That's stupid. 1.00

00:28:55.000 That's a stupid argument. 1.00

00:28:56.000 Yeah, I know that that's how they have to behave when they're at war, 100%. 1.00

00:29:00.000 But that's not the argument.

00:29:01.000 The argument is this is nonsense. 0.99

00:29:03.000 They shouldn't fucking be there in the first place. 0.99

00:29:06.000 It's not that they're not heroes. 0.99

00:29:07.000 It's not that they're not brave.

00:29:09.000 They are, absolutely.

00:29:10.000 You have to be. 0.98

00:29:11.000 I mean, that's real fucking fighting. 0.99

00:29:14.000 That's real, live killing and fighting. 1.00

00:29:16.000 With tanks and missiles and jets and shit. 0.99

00:29:19.000 That must be white-knuckle terrifying. 0.99

00:29:22.000 You didn't even like Hurt Locker, did you?

00:29:24.000 Nope.

00:29:24.000 How come you didn't like Hurt Locker?

00:29:25.000 I thought it was boring as fuck. 1.00

00:29:27.000 You need to go to a doctor and get your balls checked out, son. 1.00

00:29:30.000 That movie was... 0.99

00:29:31.000 We talked about this a million times.

00:29:32.000 I know, we did. 1.00

00:29:33.000 You gotta get your balls checked out. 1.00

00:29:34.000 I'll tell you what sucks. 1.00

00:29:34.000 Clash of the Titans. 1.00

00:29:35.000 Ugh. 0.97

00:29:36.000 Yeah, that sucks too. 1.00

00:29:37.000 Oh, it was stupid. 1.00

00:29:38.000 Did you see it? 1.00

00:29:38.000 Nope. 1.00

00:29:38.000 Oh, it was dumb. 1.00

00:29:40.000 It was so dumb. 0.99

00:29:41.000 I mean, the special effects are kind of badass. 0.98

00:29:43.000 The Kraken was pretty dope.

00:29:45.000 When the Kraken comes out, you're like, God, that thing is pretty dope.

00:29:47.000 I heard it was like a made-for-TV movie. 1.00

00:29:49.000 The special effects sucked ass. 1.00

00:29:51.000 I just heard everything. 1.00

00:29:52.000 Nah, I kind of liked the Medusa. 0.99

00:29:54.000 The problem was there wasn't enough shit going down. 0.99

00:29:57.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:29:58.000 Yeah, I don't want to see it.

00:29:59.000 Did you see Hot Tub Time Machine?

00:30:02.000 No, I haven't seen that yet.

00:30:04.000 I heard that was bad too.

00:30:05.000 What is this gentleman saying?

00:30:07.000 I don't like to respond too much to negative people, but I don't know what he's saying.

00:30:10.000 Of course he's reading it.

00:30:12.000 All he cares about is his internet reputation, not even listening.

00:30:17.000 Huh?

00:30:18.000 I don't know.

00:30:19.000 Are you talking to me?

00:30:20.000 I have no idea.

00:30:21.000 Some chick asked me a question on Twitter today. 0.98

00:30:23.000 It was one of the most ridiculous questions that I've ever heard, ever. 0.99

00:30:30.000 Look at this. 0.96

00:30:32.000 This chick says to me, her name is Taurus Spassi 12. I don't know what the fuck it is. 0.99

00:30:40.000 It's on my Twitter feed. 0.99

00:30:41.000 She says, Joe, you can't seriously not believe in evolution.

00:30:45.000 You don't believe in that, Joe, do you?

00:30:46.000 No, no, no.

00:30:46.000 Listen.

00:30:47.000 Listen to how it's worded.

00:30:48.000 You can't...

00:30:50.000 Seriously not believe.

00:30:52.000 Like, I didn't even know what she was asking.

00:30:54.000 I had lost it.

00:30:55.000 So I said, if I can't not, that means I can, right? 1.00

00:30:59.000 What the fuck? 0.99

00:31:01.000 Yeah, what does that mean? 0.99

00:31:04.000 And then I said that I'm not saying I don't not, I'm saying she don't know if I do or don't not.

00:31:13.000 There's something about Twitter speak and something about tech speak that's making people really retarded. 0.99

00:31:22.000 I know.

00:31:22.000 But it's so much better than cursive, man.

00:31:24.000 I got a letter the other day in cursive and it made me cry.

00:31:27.000 I will take No.

00:31:31.000 No. 0.91

00:31:31.000 You know, cursive doesn't imply stupid to me. 0.91

00:31:34.000 When I read something in text-speak, like you are, I go, God damn it. 1.00

00:31:38.000 When dudes do it, it drives me nuts. 0.98

00:31:40.000 Yeah, but my brain could immediately skip to it and understand what it's supposed to say.

00:31:44.000 Where cursive, I'm more like, okay, that's a Z. I need Y-O-U apostrophe R-E. When you get a goddamn text message from me, you're gonna get a fucking apostrophe. 0.99

00:31:54.000 You're gonna get a U apostrophe R-E. I'm old school, son. 1.00

00:32:00.000 I'm old school, son.

00:32:01.000 I prefer a stick shift. 0.99

00:32:02.000 There's just too much goddamn traffic in LA. But I really prefer to shift my own fucking gears, you know what I'm saying? 0.99

00:32:08.000 Do you like to shift your own gears? 0.99

00:32:09.000 Not in LA, no. 1.00

00:32:11.000 Fuck that. 1.00

00:32:12.000 You get a nice fucking BMW or 911 turbo or some shit? 1.00

00:32:16.000 I'm done with automatics, or I mean manuals. 1.00

00:32:19.000 I don't know, man.

00:32:19.000 For a sports car, there's nothing like it.

00:32:21.000 I have a little BMW, a little M3. I love that thing, but it's got the paddle shifters.

00:32:25.000 And the paddle shifters are pretty dope in traffic because you really can shift gears when you want and you really control the engine.

00:32:32.000 But man, there's something about pressing that foot, that clutch down, putting that gear in, click, click, letting the clutch off, hitting the gas at the same time.

00:32:41.000 It's like you're in tune with the machine, man.

00:32:43.000 You're in tune with the machine.

00:32:44.000 I'm just pressing buttons.

00:32:45.000 I'm hitting the gas.

00:32:46.000 I'm pressing buttons.

00:32:47.000 And it's fun.

00:32:48.000 I mean, don't get me wrong. 1.00

00:32:49.000 The fucking car is fun as shit. 1.00

00:32:50.000 These little cars now that they make, like little BMWs, they handle so good, man. 1.00

00:32:55.000 They're just like, they've figured it out now.

00:32:57.000 And there's a crazy horsepower war now.

00:32:59.000 So regular cars that you buy are so much more fast than they've ever been before.

00:33:04.000 The old BMW before this one had 333 horsepower.

00:33:08.000 This one has 420. It's fucking ridiculous! 1.00

00:33:11.000 It's as fast as my old 911 Turbo, that old Porsche that I used to have. 1.00

00:33:15.000 That thing was stupid fast. 0.89

00:33:17.000 This thing is just as fast as that, but handles way better. 1.00

00:33:20.000 The balance is perfect.

00:33:22.000 It's like you feel like you can just move it like it's not even real.

00:33:24.000 It's like it's a go-kart or something, you know?

00:33:26.000 It's incredible what they're doing now. 0.99

00:33:27.000 Those new Mustangs, the Shelby, the GT500, those fucking things have 540 horsepower, man. 0.99

00:33:37.000 You could never buy a car. 1.00

00:33:39.000 Unnecessary, yes, but fun as fuck. 1.00

00:33:42.000 That's fun as fuck, dude. 1.00

00:33:44.000 If you had one of those Mustangs, those really fast ones, that did that... 0.99

00:33:48.000 See, that does nothing for me anymore. 0.99

00:33:49.000 Oh, you're so crazy. 0.96

00:33:51.000 When I was a kid, yes. 0.93

00:33:52.000 But nowadays, I'm like, no, I want to live.

00:33:53.000 Okay, what if you had a weekend car?

00:33:55.000 What if you had this, and you had a Mustang GT500 for a weekend car? 0.97

00:33:59.000 You don't think that would be fun to fucking just... 0.98

00:34:01.000 No, safely. 0.99

00:34:02.000 I'm not talking about going down residential roads, going 150 miles an hour.

00:34:06.000 But that merging onto the highway...

00:34:10.000 Get to 70 like that, son. 0.99

00:34:12.000 You feel that fucking roar of that V8 and those fat four-inch pipes? 1.00

00:34:15.000 Are you kidding me? 1.00

00:34:16.000 That's fun as fuck. 1.00

00:34:17.000 That is fun as fuck. 0.99

00:34:19.000 I guess I haven't done it in a while. 0.99

00:34:20.000 Yeah, you haven't done it in a while. 0.99

00:34:22.000 If you did it, if you did it every now and then, you'd realize that's fun as fuck, man. 0.97

00:34:25.000 There's going to be a limit, though, at a certain point in time. 0.99

00:34:29.000 How fucking fast can these things go? 0.99

00:34:31.000 The new 911 Turbo is 0-60 in three goddamn seconds. 1.00

00:34:36.000 Three seconds! 1.00

00:34:37.000 1, 2, 3, 60 miles an hour.

00:34:40.000 That's insane.

00:34:41.000 Crazy. 0.97

00:34:42.000 Stop getting texts from your girl. 1.00

00:34:43.000 What? 1.00

00:34:45.000 Shut that shit up. 1.00

00:34:46.000 20% battery level. 1.00

00:34:47.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:34:48.000 Yeah, you faggot. 1.00

00:34:52.000 Acknowledge me, dude. 1.00

00:34:53.000 Please.

00:34:53.000 There, I did.

00:34:54.000 I acknowledged you, dude.

00:34:55.000 You're way behind on the top.

00:34:55.000 Ryan Pellis.

00:34:56.000 Yeah, way behind.

00:34:57.000 What are you talking about?

00:34:58.000 See, you have it stuck way on the top.

00:34:59.000 Whoop.

00:35:01.000 It's just too much.

00:35:03.000 There's too many people.

00:35:05.000 Too much.

00:35:06.000 Too many people.

00:35:07.000 Have I ever seen a movie called Falling Down with Michael Douglas?

00:35:10.000 Love it.

00:35:10.000 Yes.

00:35:10.000 Great movie.

00:35:11.000 It's a good goddamn movie. 0.99

00:35:12.000 I love it. 0.99

00:35:13.000 And that's how you feel when you live in LA, you know?

00:35:15.000 In LA, after a while, you're like...

00:35:17.000 You know, there's too many humans.

00:35:18.000 They did population density studies with rats.

00:35:21.000 They took rats, they put them in a box, and there was, you know, there's a certain population of rats, and they were cool with each other.

00:35:27.000 And then they doubled it, and they started getting a little crazy, and they tripled it.

00:35:30.000 And when they got to, like, a high number where the rats were on top of each other, rats developed mental illnesses, just like human beings do.

00:35:36.000 Some rats would sit by themselves and shake And just like face the corner.

00:35:41.000 I mean, literally the way human beings are is mirrored in population density studies for all sorts of animals.

00:35:49.000 So, you know, you take us and you put us in the same thing.

00:35:51.000 The reason why people yell at each other on the highway, that's craziness.

00:35:55.000 Why do we get so angry on the highway?

00:35:57.000 It's because we're on top of each other, just eating each other's energy all the time.

00:36:02.000 You're not supposed to live like that. 0.99

00:36:03.000 And so that movie just resonates with everybody, I think, when you just went fucking crazy. 0.98

00:36:09.000 When you live in a place like L.A., L.A.'s got 20 million people in it. 0.92

00:36:12.000 I mean, that was the reason why I moved to Colorado in the first place.

00:36:14.000 I wanted to get away from this heavy vibration of all these people.

00:36:19.000 You know, I don't think this is a healthy way to live.

00:36:21.000 I don't think it's a healthy thing to be like this many people.

00:36:23.000 To me, I feel like I'm living in a game of musical chairs. 0.84

00:36:26.000 Like one day some shit's gonna go down and I'm just gonna have to go further away. 0.77

00:36:29.000 You know, I don't feel like I could stay here. 0.96

00:36:32.000 No.

00:36:32.000 Did you feel that earthquake the other day?

00:36:33.000 No, I didn't.

00:36:34.000 I was in the car. 1.00

00:36:35.000 Shit. 1.00

00:36:35.000 I didn't feel it either. 1.00

00:36:36.000 I was in the car either, but I heard it was just like a wave.

00:36:38.000 It was in Mexico.

00:36:39.000 Our friend Duncan said that his bookshelf was moving.

00:36:42.000 He said it felt like you were on a boat, like you were waving.

00:36:44.000 That said, our friend Duncan has done a lot of acid in his day.

00:36:47.000 Well, I heard it from a few people at the same time.

00:36:49.000 Same exact thing, wavy motions and like three people told me.

00:36:52.000 Well, it was a pretty big one.

00:36:54.000 It was a 7.0.

00:36:57.000 6.9 or something like that.

00:36:59.000 In Baja, California.

00:37:01.000 And that's like Mexico, right?

00:37:02.000 And then there was...

00:37:03.000 Isn't that where Jesse Ventura lives?

00:37:04.000 I don't know. 1.00

00:37:05.000 It's fucking government. 1.00

00:37:06.000 And then 15 minutes later, 20 minutes later, there was like a 4.3 North of Los Angeles. 1.00

00:37:10.000 The government's trying to fight with me.

00:37:12.000 The government tried to fight with me.

00:37:14.000 That's a bad Jesse Ventura impression.

00:37:18.000 That's great.

00:37:19.000 That dude lives in Mexico half the year.

00:37:22.000 7.2.

00:37:23.000 I think that's pretty cool.

00:37:24.000 7.2?

00:37:25.000 7.8.

00:37:26.000 Indonesia two hours ago.

00:37:27.000 Whoa! 0.71

00:37:28.000 Is that true? 1.00

00:37:29.000 Okay, I'm going to have to check that shit out because that's ridiculous. 1.00

00:37:32.000 I'm going to have to run and hide in the basement if that shit's real. 1.00

00:37:36.000 Indonesia, sir? 1.00

00:37:37.000 Okay.

00:37:39.000 Let's move to North Carolina.

00:37:41.000 Yeah, right?

00:37:43.000 How cool was that, right?

00:37:45.000 North Carolina.

00:37:45.000 I've been thinking about that lately.

00:37:49.000 Massive earthquake rocks southern Sumatra and Indonesia, 7.8 on the Rector scale.

00:37:56.000 Whoa! 1.00

00:37:57.000 Motherfucker, it's true. 1.00

00:37:58.000 Four minutes ago, this is on these websites. 1.00

00:38:03.000 Goddamn. 0.99

00:38:04.000 I love this little latest results thing, and it scrolls down and shows you all the shit. 1.00

00:38:08.000 Look at this. 0.99

00:38:08.000 I love that. 0.99

00:38:09.000 Google is the shit. 1.00

00:38:11.000 Okay, I'm willing to give up some personal liberty so that Google could be running shit. 1.00

00:38:18.000 Alright, let's see what else we've got here. 0.98

00:38:20.000 Sun...

00:38:22.000 These podcasts have been a lot of fun.

00:38:24.000 And I met a lot of people last week on the road in New York and in North Carolina.

00:38:31.000 And thank you all very much for coming out.

00:38:33.000 And I'm glad you enjoyed the podcast because we love doing it, man. 0.98

00:38:36.000 It's fun as shit. 1.00

00:38:39.000 Tesla got fucked by Rockefeller. 1.00

00:38:40.000 Yes, he did. 0.99

00:38:41.000 You know the best version of that story is Duncan Trussell's Drunk History.

00:38:47.000 I don't have a link to the video, but I'll put it up for you guys.

00:38:50.000 I'm going to find the video for you because it's so cool.

00:38:52.000 Funny or Die, Duncan Trussell.

00:38:57.000 Drunk History.

00:39:02.000 They get Duncan super, super drunk.

00:39:04.000 There it is, right there.

00:39:06.000 Drunk History, okay. 1.00

00:39:10.000 I'm gonna put this shit on Twitter. 0.99

00:39:12.000 Content rejected, removed, terms of use. 0.98

00:39:14.000 Go back to that, your search results, there was a video.

00:39:17.000 Dailymotion stole it. 1.00

00:39:18.000 Those fucks. 1.00

00:39:22.000 It's hilarious, though. 1.00

00:39:23.000 Yeah, it's amazing.

00:39:27.000 Duncan was so wasted. 1.00

00:39:29.000 Yeah, he drank like bottles of tequila and shit. 1.00

00:39:31.000 And, uh, absence. 1.00

00:39:33.000 Oh yeah, absence, right?

00:39:35.000 Right. 1.00

00:39:35.000 Have you ever done that shit? 1.00

00:39:36.000 Yeah, I never did enough to have it, like, feel it or anything, I don't think. 0.99

00:39:45.000 I did it a long time ago.

00:39:50.000 What is his, um, what is Duncan's, uh...

00:39:53.000 Duncan Trussell.

00:39:55.000 Is it one S or two?

00:39:58.000 Two.

00:40:00.000 What's that?

00:40:01.000 T-R-U-S-S-E-L-L. T-R-U-S-S-E-L-L. 0.99

00:40:07.000 Okay.

00:40:08.000 I have to give my man props on the Twitter.

00:40:21.000 It's hilarious.

00:40:22.000 You've got to watch this Drunk History thing.

00:40:23.000 It's really pretty spectacular. 1.00

00:40:25.000 But for the people that are tuning into iTunes right now, you get no link, you motherfuckers. 0.99

00:40:31.000 You don't even know what we're talking about. 0.98

00:40:33.000 Duncan Trussell, Drunk History, if you Google that, there'll be a website up where you can watch the YouTube clip.

00:40:41.000 You can watch it on Funny or Die.

00:40:43.000 You can watch it in a couple of different places, but it's hilarious. 1.00

00:40:46.000 And yeah, Edison was a cunt. 0.99

00:40:49.000 In Westinghouse, they were cunts, and Tesla was a genius. 1.00

00:40:52.000 But, in their defense, Tesla also fell in love with a pigeon. 0.98

00:40:57.000 Really?

00:40:58.000 Yeah, and he had an issue where he destroyed his sexuality. 0.95

00:41:01.000 Like, he had some fucking crazy problem with some actress, and he fell in love with her, and this is all really vague stuff, but in his own words, he destroyed his sexuality. 0.93

00:41:13.000 And they don't know if he castrated himself. 0.99

00:41:15.000 There was also a lot of speculation that he might have been gay or whatever too. 0.99

00:41:19.000 He was definitely a loon. 1.00

00:41:21.000 But again, I think you have to be a loon to be like the fucking greatest genius that the world has ever known. 1.00

00:41:26.000 I mean, that guy was nuts, man. 1.00

00:41:28.000 That guy created all kinds of shit. 1.00

00:41:30.000 Alternating current. 1.00

00:41:32.000 Literally, you created a way to fucking broadcast electricity through the air. 0.97

00:41:37.000 The only problem with it was it would be free Wi-Fi. 0.98

00:41:40.000 They wouldn't be able to control it.

00:41:41.000 To have it in your house, you'd just be able to have it.

00:41:43.000 But I guess now you could have a password.

00:41:45.000 You'd pay for the password.

00:41:46.000 Well, they already do that.

00:41:47.000 In some cities, they have citywide Wi-Fi, and it's free.

00:41:49.000 Yeah, but I'm not talking about that.

00:41:51.000 I'm talking about electricity.

00:41:52.000 Oh.

00:41:53.000 Talking about if they would be able to do that with electricity and put a password on it the way we put a password on Wi-Fi today.

00:41:58.000 Right.

00:41:58.000 But either way, Nikolai Tesla is a perfect example of what we were talking about earlier.

00:42:02.000 He's a dude who's like a just gigantic, super fucking genius. 0.83

00:42:06.000 Like the greatest genius ever. 1.00

00:42:07.000 And completely batshit insane. 1.00

00:42:10.000 Just out of his fucking mind. 1.00

00:42:13.000 Claimed that all of his information he received from aliens. 1.00

00:42:17.000 That he would tune into alien signals and they would tell him how to do all this stuff.

00:42:22.000 Hmm.

00:42:24.000 I always wonder about that, man. 0.99

00:42:26.000 I always wonder where the fuck ideas come from. 0.98

00:42:30.000 What if ideas are literally like a living organism? 0.99

00:42:33.000 What if ideas are like...

00:42:35.000 You know how we think about parasites?

00:42:38.000 We talked about this before.

00:42:39.000 Parasites infecting a host.

00:42:41.000 And they take over the host's body like that grasshopper that gets infected by this worm.

00:42:46.000 The aquatic worm grows inside the grasshopper.

00:42:49.000 To maturity, and then when it gets to maturity, it convinces the grasshopper that it has to jump into water and drown.

00:42:54.000 So the grasshopper commits suicide so that this worm can come out of it.

00:42:58.000 What if, like, language and ideas literally are like another sort of organism?

00:43:03.000 And what if, like, they are manipulating our consciousness?

00:43:07.000 You know, what if, like, language and ideas and all these different things that people come up with, like, creativity and people, when people are creative about things, they pull these things down out of the air.

00:43:15.000 I mean, what are you doing?

00:43:16.000 You're freaking me out.

00:43:18.000 Why is this bothering you?

00:43:19.000 Because I can see it.

00:43:20.000 How are you seeing that? 1.00

00:43:21.000 Dude, are we going to do this podcast or are you going to play on that fucking thing? 0.96

00:43:24.000 Hey, I'm trying to do some tech support here to see if our Ustream shows could be seen on here. 0.97

00:43:28.000 Yeah, we don't need to see it.

00:43:29.000 We can watch it on here.

00:43:30.000 Alright.

00:43:31.000 We've got to have a real conversation.

00:43:34.000 How is this bothering you if I'm holding this?

00:43:34.000 Because you were not having a conversation.

00:43:35.000 We're not having a conversation.

00:43:36.000 You're talking about theories and I'm listening. 1.00

00:43:38.000 Talk back then, motherfucker. 1.00

00:43:40.000 I'm not going to interrupt your theories. 1.00

00:43:42.000 I don't understand why you need me. 0.99

00:43:43.000 You're sitting there and I'm seeing this flash of your fucking archive. 0.99

00:43:45.000 How are you seeing that? 1.00

00:43:46.000 I am.

00:43:47.000 Brian, why are you arguing with me?

00:43:48.000 I am and we're, you know, what am I, lying?

00:43:51.000 No, I mean, I just...

00:43:51.000 No, you're defending yourself when I'm telling you it's distracting.

00:43:54.000 Alright.

00:43:54.000 I'm sorry for listening to you while looking at trying to do some tech support.

00:43:59.000 And doing it more than once when I ask you that.

00:44:01.000 It's not tech support, dude.

00:44:02.000 Yes, it is.

00:44:02.000 I'm not at Brian.

00:44:03.000 Stop arguing with me.

00:44:04.000 I'm not asking you to do this.

00:44:05.000 Alright.

00:44:05.000 Okay?

00:44:07.000 Jesus.

00:44:09.000 That seems very unnecessary, Joe.

00:44:11.000 It's not unnecessary, Brian.

00:44:12.000 You're distracting me.

00:44:13.000 You distract me by web surfing in front of me and I'm looking at your screen.

00:44:17.000 Was I web surfing? 0.99

00:44:18.000 Whatever you're doing, I'm seeing you fucking flipping through pages. 0.99

00:44:21.000 And you're not listening to what I'm saying. 0.99

00:44:22.000 Okay.

00:44:23.000 We're not having a conversation.

00:44:26.000 We weren't having a...

00:44:26.000 You were talking about a theory about something.

00:44:28.000 I'm listening while doing it.

00:44:29.000 See this thing we're doing right here?

00:44:31.000 This is 724 people listening.

00:44:32.000 I understand, Joe.

00:44:32.000 This is what's called a podcast.

00:44:33.000 Joe, you were doing a theory.

00:44:34.000 I was listening to you, but I was... 0.99

00:44:36.000 Yeah, but I'm watching you flip through this fucking thing. 0.99

00:44:37.000 You're not listening to me. 0.99

00:44:39.000 Because I'm trying to do something for the show, Joe.

00:44:41.000 Okay, Brian.

00:44:41.000 Brian, don't do it.

00:44:42.000 I told you not to do it earlier.

00:44:46.000 This weird just had a little girl spat. 1.00

00:44:49.000 A little hissy fit.

00:44:53.000 It's the iPad. 1.00

00:44:54.000 It's a fucking evil iPad. 1.00

00:44:55.000 He's right. 1.00

00:44:56.000 Guy said the iPad's evil.

00:44:57.000 It's causing you to do that.

00:45:00.000 To what?

00:45:01.000 To do that.

00:45:01.000 If I wasn't doing that, I would have been like this.

00:45:03.000 Doing the exact same thing.

00:45:04.000 If we're talking, I would expect that.

00:45:06.000 When you're talking, I do the same.

00:45:08.000 I think when people are talking to each other, they sit back and the other person listens. 1.00

00:45:11.000 If you're doing a bunch of shit, I'm just telling you, man. 1.00

00:45:13.000 If you're doing a bunch of shit while I'm talking, I know you're not listening to me. 1.00

00:45:16.000 Joe, Joe, Joe. 1.00

00:45:17.000 It's not that.

00:45:18.000 If I were to go off for 15 minutes, 10 minutes at a time, you would do the exact same thing.

00:45:22.000 No, I wouldn't.

00:45:22.000 Yes, you would.

00:45:24.000 You would not let me talk for 20 minutes.

00:45:26.000 Brian, I'm not talking for 20 minutes.

00:45:28.000 And we're doing a podcast.

00:45:30.000 All right.

00:45:31.000 We're not having a conversation, though.

00:45:32.000 Brian, Jesus Christ, why are you defending this?

00:45:35.000 Because you're attacking me.

00:45:35.000 It's really simple.

00:45:36.000 I'm not attacking you.

00:45:37.000 Yes, you are attacking me. 1.00

00:45:37.000 I told you twice to stop looking at that fucking thing that is distracting me. 1.00

00:45:41.000 I will look at this thing, then, that's in front of us doing the same thing. 0.99

00:45:44.000 No, it's not, because you're not flipping through things and moving stuff around.

00:45:48.000 I can tell you're not paying attention.

00:45:50.000 And it's distracting me.

00:45:52.000 Sorry.

00:45:53.000 Okay. 1.00

00:45:54.000 Damn. 1.00

00:45:56.000 Have I looked into the Illuminati? 1.00

00:45:57.000 What if HAARP caused the earthquakes? 1.00

00:45:59.000 Shut the fuck up. 1.00

00:46:00.000 Okay? 1.00

00:46:01.000 Whoever you are. 1.00

00:46:03.000 Goddamn it with your nonsense. 1.00

00:46:04.000 Go read some David Icke books. 1.00

00:46:10.000 Wow, Red Band's the man. 1.00

00:46:11.000 Shut the fuck up, Joe. 1.00

00:46:12.000 How dare you? 1.00

00:46:14.000 Listen, we have moved on, you fucks, but I have to... 1.00

00:46:16.000 I have to set this boy straight. 0.99

00:46:18.000 Oh, we got issues.

00:46:21.000 Okay, let's go to the Rogan board, go to my website, and find some of the questions people have there.

00:46:28.000 Let's try to change gears here.

00:46:33.000 Okay, let's get some questions here.

00:46:36.000 Look at this.

00:46:38.000 Can you talk about being more flexible?

00:46:39.000 Any books you or Eddie recommend on stretching and flexibility? 1.00

00:46:42.000 Just take yoga if you really want to learn how to suck your own dick. 1.00

00:46:45.000 That's why you're asking, goddammit. 1.00

00:46:49.000 You said you hung out with Ron Jeremy? 0.68

00:46:52.000 He was at the party I was at the other day.

00:46:53.000 Did you guys hang out?

00:46:55.000 Did you talk?

00:46:56.000 I said hide and that's about it. 1.00

00:46:58.000 He used to be able to suck his dick. 1.00

00:47:00.000 That's why I had a bit in my act about it. 1.00

00:47:03.000 But he got too fat. 1.00

00:47:05.000 The joke was that that's how overrated sucking your own dick is. 1.00

00:47:09.000 That guy never... 1.00

00:47:10.000 He just sits at home and watches TV, does he?

00:47:12.000 I see that guy at least once a month somewhere.

00:47:16.000 It's kind of funny.

00:47:17.000 He's really into being a mainstream success.

00:47:21.000 He would always tell me about things that he's done.

00:47:23.000 Like, I'm doing this new movie with this guy and I'm about to do a cameo on this TV show.

00:47:28.000 And he's like, I'm really trying to make it as a mainstream actor. 0.98

00:47:31.000 Dude, you're fucking Ron Jeremy, okay? 0.99

00:47:33.000 Do you understand that you're like a hero to ugly fat dudes all across the world? 1.00

00:47:37.000 You've fucked the hottest women on the planet. 1.00

00:47:40.000 He's fucked all of them, every single one of them. 1.00

00:47:43.000 He has a giant dick and he's fucked all of them hard. 1.00

00:47:46.000 Slaps them around, fucks them, doggy style, nuts in their mouth and face. 1.00

00:47:50.000 I mean, he's a goddamn champion. 1.00

00:47:52.000 He's a champion. 0.99

00:47:54.000 If that was something that you feel like you could be a champion about. 1.00

00:47:59.000 A lot of people would be like, oh, you fucked the 5,000 hot chicks. 1.00

00:48:01.000 That would be like, oh god, I feel horrible. 1.00

00:48:04.000 But you really think people would think that that's a bad thing?

00:48:07.000 Like a regular guy that never gets laid that looks like him?

00:48:09.000 To a regular guy that looks like Mon Jarrett?

00:48:11.000 He didn't used to always look like that though.

00:48:12.000 He used to look pretty Fonzie back in the day.

00:48:14.000 Pretty Fonzie. 0.83

00:48:15.000 He was a decent looking guy when he was younger, but he was never like a hot stud.

00:48:20.000 You know, these girls are tens. 1.00

00:48:22.000 Right.

00:48:22.000 You know what I mean?

00:48:23.000 And now he's like this gross, fat, hairy guy with gray chest hairs. 0.99

00:48:27.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:48:28.000 And he's still banging them.

00:48:29.000 All the new ones.

00:48:30.000 All the new ones have to pay homage to the Staff of the King.

00:48:33.000 Right. 0.98

00:48:33.000 He's like a superhero for porn. 0.98

00:48:35.000 Yeah, if you're a dude who looks like him in Jersey, you know, you're a fucking mailman or you're delivering sausages to the fucking local supermarket. 0.99

00:48:43.000 Ron Jeremy looks like you, and he's banging 10s, and you can't get laid at all. 1.00

00:48:47.000 You know, you're lucky if you get some toothless blowjob from some Hunts Point hooker that just makes you check your balls every five seconds for the next three days looking for herpes sores. 1.00

00:48:56.000 You know what I mean? 1.00

00:48:57.000 You're lucky if that's, you know, that's like as good as you can get. 0.98

00:49:01.000 You know, and that's going to cost you $150 or whatever the fuck it costs you. 1.00

00:49:04.000 You know, this motherfucker is just banging, and he looks just like you, and he's banging them all over his face. 1.00

00:49:09.000 Banging them. 1.00

00:49:10.000 I can't wait till these chest hairs turn gray. 0.83

00:49:12.000 Really?

00:49:13.000 Do you think it looks sexy?

00:49:14.000 Do you ever think about shaving that?

00:49:16.000 I hate it, dude. 1.00

00:49:17.000 I fucking hate shaving. 0.99

00:49:19.000 What looks better? 1.00

00:49:20.000 Like being an animal or being a man or having white little red bumps everywhere with ingrown hairs and stubble and you look like a...

00:49:29.000 I just think you're supposed to let it go. 1.00

00:49:31.000 You're supposed to be a man, supposed to be an animal, and not just shaving your fucking chest. 0.99

00:49:35.000 The problem with jujitsu is, especially when you train with a gi on, guys grab you right here. 1.00

00:49:39.000 Fuck that. 1.00

00:49:40.000 They grab your collar, and when they grab your collar, they grab fistfuls of chest hair. 1.00

00:49:46.000 It hurts like a motherfucker. 0.99

00:49:47.000 Why are you supposed to have gi, man? 1.00

00:49:48.000 Gi mad?

00:49:50.000 Gi?

00:49:50.000 You're supposed to have the Gi, man.

00:49:52.000 Yeah, but they grab it through the Gi.

00:49:53.000 The Gi gets caught up in the chest hairs.

00:49:56.000 There's a lot of guard passes where a guy's on top of you and he pushes down on the collar and grabs it.

00:50:01.000 They always get a fistful of chest hairs.

00:50:02.000 So people grab your chest hair, you get ringworms, staph infection.

00:50:06.000 There's no reason to be doing jiu-jitsu.

00:50:08.000 Well, it's definitely hard to justify sometimes.

00:50:11.000 You know, when you think about injuries, I mean, I've gone through, since doing jujitsu, I've gone through two knee surgeries, one meniscus, one reconstruction. 0.88

00:50:22.000 I've had all sorts of fucking back problems. 0.57

00:50:25.000 So why is jujitsu not one of the things like if you had like a stove that smelled like gas, you're always burning yourself, there's always flames coming out of it. 0.99

00:50:34.000 Why would you keep on using that stove?

00:50:36.000 Why would you keep on going?

00:50:37.000 It's like surfing when the guys crash and get scratched up. 0.96

00:50:40.000 It's so much fucking fun to keep doing it. 0.78

00:50:42.000 Jiu-Jitsu, when you get good at it, is really fun, dude. 0.96

00:50:45.000 It's really fun.

00:50:46.000 You're going basically hand-to-hand combat and you're doing it with good friends.

00:50:50.000 Like these guys that I do Jiu-Jitsu with, you know, we trust each other with basically each other's lives. 0.88

00:50:55.000 You know, when a dude gets my back and chokes me and I tap, I'm trusting that he's going to let me go before he fucking kills me because basically he's got to a point where he's killing me.

00:51:04.000 And that's the same thing, you know, with you. 0.90

00:51:06.000 When you get on top of a dude and you're finishing off a choke or an armbar or something and a guy starts tapping...

00:51:10.000 He's basically trusting that you're not going to injure him.

00:51:13.000 And sometimes people get injured accidentally, but the amount of times that I don't get injured is way more than the amount of times that I do. 0.80

00:51:19.000 I get injured, but I've had these operations and shit over the course of doing Jiu Jitsu for 14 years. 0.96

00:51:24.000 It's a long ass time. 0.98

00:51:27.000 The first year or so, first couple years, I had a knee issue that I had.

00:51:31.000 I already had the knee surgery on my left knee, the meniscus.

00:51:35.000 I had the meniscus problem for years before that.

00:51:37.000 So it was a pre-existing injury.

00:51:39.000 So really the only major one that I had was the knee surgery. 0.93

00:51:41.000 But you just get it fixed and you fucking heal up and you just train smarter next time.

00:51:45.000 You realize don't put yourself in bad positions and don't train with spazes. 1.00

00:51:49.000 That's another thing.

00:51:49.000 You got to make sure you don't train with anybody that you don't trust.

00:51:53.000 It's very important. 0.59

00:51:55.000 Some guys are just a little too nutty. 0.99

00:51:57.000 They fucking spaz out on you when you train. 0.99

00:51:59.000 You've got to be real careful of those dudes because they want to win so badly. 0.99

00:52:03.000 The best guys are the guys who are really good.

00:52:06.000 Even though they tap you out, even though they can beat you, they're going to beat you with technique and you're much safer. 0.98

00:52:12.000 You're literally safer with a guy who can kick your ass Who's a black belt than you are with a guy who's strong who's a blue belt. 0.99

00:52:18.000 Because that strong blue belt might fucking dive on your foot and break it. 1.00

00:52:21.000 He might try to get you in a footlock and get a hold of it so quick trying to tap you out that he hurts you before you even get a chance to tap. 0.98

00:52:28.000 It's a very tricky thing, but doing it good is so much fun, dude.

00:52:32.000 It's so much fun.

00:52:33.000 It's so much fun.

00:52:34.000 And you don't think about anything else.

00:52:36.000 It really is like a form of meditation.

00:52:38.000 When you're in there and you're going at it and you're rolling with each other, you're not thinking about your bills.

00:52:43.000 You're not thinking about you gotta wash your car, your laundry.

00:52:46.000 No, you're thinking, I gotta survive here.

00:52:48.000 I gotta get out of the situation.

00:52:50.000 I gotta get into full guard.

00:52:52.000 I gotta pass his guard.

00:52:53.000 I gotta mount.

00:52:53.000 I gotta finish him.

00:52:55.000 I gotta stop him from finishing me.

00:52:56.000 That's all you're thinking about is the moment.

00:52:58.000 And whenever you're involved in something like that that's that intense, it's like a form of meditation, you know?

00:53:05.000 Don't you think that way about art sometimes?

00:53:07.000 Like when you're at your best and you're like with your video editing or you're creating something, like when you're right in the middle of it all, you ain't thinking about shit but what you're doing, you know?

00:53:15.000 Yeah, but it's always getting it done.

00:53:18.000 It's never like I'm enjoying it.

00:53:20.000 Oh really? 0.99

00:53:20.000 No, fuck no. 0.99

00:53:21.000 When I'm painting a painting, when I'm editing a video, when I'm doing anything, it's getting it done. 1.00

00:53:26.000 Really?

00:53:26.000 You don't enjoy it?

00:53:27.000 I'm not having fun while doing it.

00:53:29.000 I'll have spurts of fun while I'm like going, oh, that's a great idea.

00:53:33.000 But that's not like I'm like boner style going, oh, I can't wait to finish this video.

00:53:37.000 Really?

00:53:38.000 Wow.

00:53:39.000 Yeah, you know, is that an attitude thing?

00:53:42.000 You know, I don't know.

00:53:43.000 I mean...

00:53:44.000 I guess I consider that creativity.

00:53:47.000 I consider I'm trying to get something out of my brain and do something else as fast as possible while I have the idea in my head.

00:53:54.000 Like I'm trying to take my ideas and thoughts out of my head and put it in a form as fast as possible before I lose the original thought or idea.

00:54:04.000 So it's not like, oh, I love this idea.

00:54:07.000 I can't wait to do it.

00:54:08.000 Mine is just trying to get what I want, what I thought of out.

00:54:11.000 I like making notes with the iPhone using that little application, but I don't like that I have to fucking go in the menu, find it, press that, press record.

00:54:20.000 I think I'm going to get like a little tiny voice notes thing.

00:54:24.000 And when I have ideas like that, when I'm writing and I have an idea, when I'm trying to write it down, I think I'm just going to press it and say the idea into it so I know for sure that I'm not going to lose it.

00:54:32.000 You know?

00:54:33.000 Well, I mean, like if you have your iPhone, that record app, you just open up a program and hit record.

00:54:37.000 Yeah, but I want to be able to just one press.

00:54:41.000 And it's recording.

00:54:42.000 You know what I mean?

00:54:42.000 Just that.

00:54:44.000 Yeah.

00:54:44.000 For real.

00:54:45.000 I mean, it sounds ridiculous. 0.90

00:54:46.000 But it is. 0.93

00:54:47.000 I mean, it is that.

00:54:49.000 Yeah.

00:54:50.000 I mean, I have the biggest problem.

00:54:52.000 Like, I will have an idea that might be the coolest thing I've ever thought of.

00:54:56.000 And if I wait like five seconds, ten seconds, I might accidentally think of something else and that idea is gone.

00:55:03.000 I have that problem so much.

00:55:04.000 And I know it's mostly when smoking weed.

00:55:07.000 Because lately I've been smoking weed maybe once, twice a week instead of almost every day and I feel so much sharper.

00:55:14.000 My memory is so much better.

00:55:15.000 It's amazing how much better I feel already and I'm just from cutting it.

00:55:19.000 Well you also don't exercise that much either.

00:55:22.000 That's a big part about the weed.

00:55:24.000 You got to blow that out of your system.

00:55:25.000 You know, it's not just...

00:55:26.000 If you just sit around and just keep smoking weed every day, every day, the weed starts to lose its effect, and then you start to have to get more weed to kind of...

00:55:34.000 And then you're, like, flooding your system, you know?

00:55:37.000 I think that when you smoke weed, you can...

00:55:40.000 Like, if you want to do something creatively, you can't smoke too much.

00:55:43.000 You gotta have one hit.

00:55:44.000 One hit's good. 1.00

00:55:45.000 If you have two or three, you might lose track of what the fuck you're talking about, you know? 0.99

00:55:49.000 Sometimes it's fun to have two or three, but for the most part, one. 0.92

00:55:52.000 It's a little bit.

00:55:53.000 I read this professor.

00:55:56.000 I saw this interview once with this professor.

00:55:59.000 I think he was a physics professor.

00:56:01.000 I'm pretty sure.

00:56:02.000 He was talking about marijuana, and he was saying that he smokes a little bit.

00:56:07.000 He said the key is to not overdo it.

00:56:09.000 I smoke one hit, and I go on walks, and I contemplate my theories.

00:56:13.000 And he says that that one hit, he says it's like a magical push, like a little boost.

00:56:18.000 It just gives him a little momentum, a little wind in his sails, and then it starts the ball rolling.

00:56:24.000 Don't you ever think that?

00:56:26.000 Like sometimes you're creating something, you're trying to do something, and you're not smoking weed, and you're like, God, it's so...

00:56:30.000 Oh yeah, a lot of time.

00:56:31.000 And then you smoke a little weed, and then all of a sudden, bam!

00:56:34.000 Right.

00:56:34.000 Isn't that nuts?

00:56:35.000 The main thing I think is it just gives you a different perspective of the same idea that you're thinking almost like you're multitasking.

00:56:41.000 You're thinking...

00:56:42.000 One way, this way, and you smoke weed, and you can think of it a different way.

00:56:46.000 That's one of the only ways you could ever do that.

00:56:49.000 It's changing your brain.

00:56:51.000 You could probably do it on cough syrup and think of it a different way.

00:56:54.000 But weed, I think, is the most effective and fastest and reliable because you're so used to that other side.

00:57:00.000 George Carlin had an interesting take on writing.

00:57:03.000 What he would do, he would write everything first, sober, and then he would smoke a joint and go over it.

00:57:09.000 Which I think is kind of interesting.

00:57:10.000 Because he put up the skeleton of the house first, and then he starts adding it.

00:57:14.000 Don't do it the other way around, though, because then it always sucks.

00:57:19.000 Well, I don't know, man. 0.99

00:57:20.000 I think if you write high, sometimes you can come up with some crazy shit. 1.00

00:57:24.000 And then if you go over it sober, you go, oh, this is too ridiculous. 0.99

00:57:27.000 And then you can edit it.

00:57:28.000 I think the combination of the two is what's important.

00:57:31.000 I don't know if it's necessary which order.

00:57:33.000 I think thinking of the idea sober, and then...

00:57:38.000 Going off on the idea, stoned, always helps.

00:57:41.000 I have better odds that way.

00:57:42.000 Yeah, maybe I think I might want to do that with my writing.

00:57:45.000 I might want to label it.

00:57:47.000 Right.

00:57:47.000 You know, like, S-T and S-O, stoned and sober.

00:57:52.000 And like, so I'll write S-T, S-O, so you know I did it stoned and edited sober, or I'll write, you know, S-O, S-T. I have some funny stone jokes that I write, and I look at them, and they are fucking crazy. 0.99

00:58:05.000 Let me see if I can pick out one real quick. 0.93

00:58:08.000 Well, the bit that I do in my act that is totally true, that I wrote down something when I was high and then I went to read it when I was sober and it's like, a unicorn is a donkey from the future.

00:58:19.000 I looked at that and I'm like, how could I have ever possibly thought that that was something that I needed to write down? 0.93

00:58:24.000 That is for sure a sure sign that I got way too fucked up. 0.98

00:58:28.000 Alright, here's one of my stone jokes. 0.99

00:58:30.000 Marble industry has to be hurting right now.

00:58:34.000 Remember when you were a kid, marbles were the bomb? 0.99

00:58:37.000 I mean, what the fuck? 0.99

00:58:38.000 Who does Marvels nowadays? 0.99

00:58:40.000 That's actually funny, man.

00:58:42.000 That really is funny.

00:58:43.000 That's how...

00:58:44.000 What?

00:58:46.000 That's hilarious.

00:58:47.000 New comedy tour.

00:58:48.000 Half the show stoned, half sober.

00:58:51.000 The problem with that is I would have to start out sober and then step off stage.

00:58:55.000 Go outside and get high.

00:58:56.000 And that's when the cops would grab me. 1.00

00:58:57.000 Those motherfuckers. 1.00

00:58:58.000 Twitter. 1.00

00:58:59.000 They'd be laying in wait.

00:59:00.000 The worst on Twitter is when you find out that you're following a fake Lisa Kudrow.

00:59:04.000 You feel ashamed and disgusted, but you're not ashamed that you were following her to begin with.

00:59:09.000 I follow everybody, man.

00:59:11.000 I follow everybody I can.

00:59:12.000 I mean, there's no one that... 0.95

00:59:13.000 I follow a lot of real dummies. 1.00

00:59:15.000 A lot of really dumb celebrities. 1.00

00:59:18.000 It's really annoying and into themselves. 1.00

00:59:22.000 I follow people that like give out like really patronizing advice and like ridiculous God quotes and just really dumb shit. 1.00

00:59:30.000 You know who tweets some really dumb shit? 1.00

00:59:33.000 Deepak Chopra. 1.00

00:59:34.000 Some of his stuff is just like, what are you fucking talking about? 0.99

00:59:40.000 Deepak Chopra? 0.99

00:59:41.000 You don't know who he is?

00:59:41.000 He's like some really famous author.

00:59:44.000 He says a lot of brilliant shit. 0.99

00:59:46.000 I've listened to a lot of his interviews. 1.00

00:59:48.000 He says a lot of brilliant shit. 1.00

00:59:49.000 But goddamn, some of his tweets make me want to kick him in the dick. 1.00

00:59:53.000 The balance. 1.00

00:59:54.000 He's missing the balance, my friends.

01:00:00.000 Take a brownie at the start.

01:00:01.000 That's not a bad idea, but the problem with brownies is brownies and comedy do not mix, my friend. 1.00

01:00:06.000 If I took a brownie at the start of my act, An hour into the act, when the brownie kicked in, I would be so high, I would not be able to function.

01:00:13.000 When I get really high on brownies, man, I don't want to be talking. 1.00

01:00:16.000 I don't want to talk to people.

01:00:17.000 That stuff's too strong.

01:00:18.000 I can't trust edibles, man.

01:00:21.000 It's like doing small amounts of mushrooms now, to me.

01:00:24.000 Sometimes I feel like I'm really tripping.

01:00:26.000 That's crazy.

01:00:27.000 That's too crazy.

01:00:28.000 Yeah, yeah. 1.00

01:00:29.000 The fucking, the eating it is spooky, man. 0.99

01:00:32.000 And for people who don't know, it creates something when you eat it called 11-hydroxymetabolite that's four times stronger than THC. So when you eat it, literally, it's a totally different drug than when you smoke it. 1.00

01:00:42.000 That's why people, when they eat brownies, they always think they got laced with something.

01:00:45.000 You know, so I can't do that.

01:00:47.000 So that's the answer to that question.

01:00:48.000 There's no way I could eat a brownie, go on stage, and then an hour and the brownie kicks in.

01:00:52.000 Because then I would just want to lie on my back on stage and start talking about the universe. 1.00

01:00:57.000 Some people might be into it, but there'd be a lot of people that would leave and go, that fucking show sucked! 0.99

01:01:01.000 It was really funny for like an hour. 1.00

01:01:05.000 And then he just started talking crazy.

01:01:07.000 He's lying on his back saying he's connected to everything.

01:01:10.000 People would just not enjoy it.

01:01:12.000 Just take a social dose.

01:01:13.000 Well, that's what we're talking about.

01:01:14.000 We can't figure out what a social dose is.

01:01:18.000 Unless you're making the brownies yourself. 0.99

01:01:20.000 And even if you make the brownies yourself, you can fuck up the first time. 0.99

01:01:23.000 You get it too strong. 0.98

01:01:23.000 I don't have that time to be mastering the right dose of brownies. 0.98

01:01:28.000 Smoking it is the way to go.

01:01:31.000 Well, I loved you in Calgary too, Jen Ab. 1.00

01:01:34.000 Calgary was the shit. 1.00

01:01:35.000 That was fun, man. 1.00

01:01:37.000 That was a good fucking time. 0.99

01:01:39.000 A stone universe tour. 0.99

01:01:41.000 Yeah, I should do that.

01:01:42.000 You know what would really be cool?

01:01:43.000 Eventually, right now we can't do it, but eventually we're going to get to a point where we can do stone shows.

01:01:49.000 You know, like I could do a show, like somewhere, like in Amsterdam they have those cafes where they allow you to smoke weed.

01:01:56.000 If we had a place like that in America...

01:01:59.000 Hopefully in November.

01:02:00.000 Yeah, hopefully in November.

01:02:02.000 But I don't buy it, man. 1.00

01:02:03.000 I think the DEA is going to fucking put the kibosh on that shit. 1.00

01:02:06.000 The problem with the drug movement is that making drugs illegal... 1.00

01:02:12.000 Is good for business.

01:02:13.000 And making drugs legal puts a lot of people out of work.

01:02:16.000 It puts the DEA out of work.

01:02:17.000 It puts private prisons out of work.

01:02:19.000 It puts prison guards out of work. 1.00

01:02:20.000 It puts parole officers and fucking police officers. 0.99

01:02:24.000 Literally 50% of the people that are in prison are in prison for nonviolent drug offenses. 0.99

01:02:30.000 How many of those are weed?

01:02:31.000 And what happens when we becomes legal? 0.99

01:02:33.000 Oh, it's a fucking colossal mess. 0.97

01:02:35.000 So what they're doing by keeping it illegal is really protecting business. 0.99

01:02:40.000 And it sounds crazy.

01:02:41.000 It sounds like nobody would be doing that. 0.99

01:02:43.000 There's no way the government's that fucked up. 0.99

01:02:45.000 No, it really is. 1.00

01:02:46.000 It's that fucked up. 1.00

01:02:47.000 That literally is what it is. 0.99

01:02:48.000 The reason why it's still illegal is all because of money.

01:02:51.000 There's no one dying.

01:02:53.000 There's no one getting cancer. 1.00

01:02:54.000 There's no one losing their fucking mind. 1.00

01:02:56.000 Yet it's still illegal. 1.00

01:02:58.000 When you can go to fucking CVS and buy jugs of wine and Cheap liquor and cartons of cigarettes. 1.00

01:03:04.000 And you could smoke cigarettes and drink yourself to death. 1.00

01:03:07.000 Easy.

01:03:08.000 You know, literally you can't die with pot.

01:03:10.000 I mean, you can't. 1.00

01:03:11.000 I mean, I guess you could do something really stupid when you're stoned and wind up killing yourself. 1.00

01:03:15.000 But if you're that dumb, you probably would have done something stupid anyway, you know? 1.00

01:03:19.000 And when they say don't die at pot, though, you could totally die if you, say, start panicking because you're stoned and then your heart has a heart attack. 1.00

01:03:27.000 Die.

01:03:27.000 I've never heard of that.

01:03:28.000 Have you?

01:03:29.000 So you don't think that ever happened?

01:03:30.000 Somebody's got too stoned, started freaking out, then their heart fails or something?

01:03:35.000 I've never heard of it.

01:03:36.000 Have you heard of it?

01:03:37.000 Oh, I haven't heard of it because they can't link saying that the weed is like... 1.00

01:03:41.000 Let's Google this if you're a weak-ass bitch. 1.00

01:03:44.000 Weak-ass... 1.00

01:03:45.000 I'm going to Google weak-ass bitch heart attack from weed. 1.00

01:03:48.000 Yeah, heart attack weed. 1.00

01:03:53.000 Heart attack from weed.

01:03:54.000 Let's see.

01:03:55.000 Can marijuana cause a heart attack?

01:03:57.000 Yahoo answers.

01:03:59.000 Let's see.

01:04:00.000 Marijuana said to trigger heart attacks.

01:04:03.000 This is just wiki answers. 0.84

01:04:04.000 Wiki answers is stupid because people like answer. 0.65

01:04:07.000 That's how I thought that whales, that killer whales used to kill people. 0.95

01:04:11.000 I've read this online in a couple different places.

01:04:14.000 That killer whales used to kill people until World War II and then people were using the whales as target practice.

01:04:19.000 I've read this online and I talked about it on the Adam Carolla show.

01:04:21.000 And even though I said, I don't know if it's true, I read it online, that after World War II, after the bombers, you know, killer whales stopped killing human beings and actually started saving.

01:04:30.000 Which would be really fascinating.

01:04:31.000 Hold on a second.

01:04:32.000 But...

01:04:33.000 It wasn't true. 0.99

01:04:33.000 It was just fucking Wiki Answers, man. 0.99

01:04:35.000 Some crazy wailing guy on Wiki Answers. 0.98

01:04:37.000 And I had to, like, chase it down on my website.

01:04:40.000 Marijuana said to trigger heart attacks.

01:04:42.000 Harvard.

01:04:43.000 Five times.

01:04:45.000 Five times the amount of having a heart attack.

01:04:48.000 In the first hour after smoking pot, a person's risk of heart attack could rise almost five times. 1.00

01:04:54.000 Goddamn. 1.00

01:04:55.000 That's if you're a weak-ass bitch. 1.00

01:04:57.000 Or if you're just one step away from having a heart attack because you eat a lot of meat or something like that. 1.00

01:05:02.000 Be careful, weak-ass bitches. 1.00

01:05:04.000 I'm going to write this. 1.00

01:05:05.000 Be careful. 1.00

01:05:06.000 Weak ass. 1.00

01:05:08.000 Yeah, see that's why when you say that like marijuana is never killed went true. 1.00

01:05:12.000 It didn't poison anybody.

01:05:15.000 It didn't, you know.

01:05:15.000 But if you have some other problems and you smoke weed, absolutely.

01:05:19.000 The same thing could happen if you lick shoes and you get, you know.

01:05:23.000 What?

01:05:24.000 There might be something allergic on a shoe that could trigger off a sinus infection that will Make you die.

01:05:30.000 I really don't know where you're going with this.

01:05:32.000 I have no idea.

01:05:36.000 Okay, so I just tweeted that. 1.00

01:05:38.000 Careful, weak-ass bitches. 1.00

01:05:39.000 Marijuana can give you a heart attack if your ticker sucks. 1.00

01:05:41.000 And you can read the story. 0.99

01:05:43.000 Yeah, I mean...

01:05:45.000 If you really...

01:05:46.000 You're going to get a heart attack from weed because you're freaking out.

01:05:49.000 I definitely think that there's another problem.

01:05:51.000 The real problem is that you're in terrible shape and you need to take care of your body.

01:05:55.000 That's the problem.

01:05:55.000 It's not pot.

01:05:57.000 The way I've always described pot not being able to help dumb people is that you put jet fuel in a fucking lawnmower, it's still a lawnmower. 0.98

01:06:06.000 You put jet fuel in a jet and it's pretty badass. 0.99

01:06:10.000 But the bottom line is it's all about what kind of hardware you're dealing with. 0.99

01:06:14.000 Some people just have weak brains. 1.00

01:06:16.000 Their brains just suck. 1.00

01:06:17.000 Have you ever met people and you look in their eye and you're talking to them and you're like, wow, there's no hope for this dude. 1.00

01:06:22.000 This dude's just dull.

01:06:23.000 I'm looking in his eyes. 0.82

01:06:24.000 I'm not making any connection.

01:06:25.000 It's like talking to a dog. 1.00

01:06:27.000 He's like a fucking idiot. 1.00

01:06:28.000 There are people, and people don't want to admit this for whatever reason. 1.00

01:06:31.000 Because there are people that aren't dumb, they're just troubled, and their lives have fallen apart because they, you know, they've got all sorts of issues and, you know, people go, oh, that guy's a retard. 0.99

01:06:40.000 But he's not really a retard. 0.99

01:06:41.000 You know he's kind of smart. 0.98

01:06:42.000 There are people like that that are just troubled and fucked up and, you know, perhaps they never figured out what it is in this life that they're good for or should be doing. 0.99

01:06:49.000 But there's definitely people with weak-ass 9-volt brains that are just supposed to be out there digging ditches. 0.99

01:06:56.000 And to deny that is just unscientific. 0.98

01:06:58.000 If you look at the entire fucking universe, man, It's all about things improving and getting better. 0.87

01:07:04.000 And if you look at human beings, there's all sorts of programs and things set up to make sure that the weak can still survive. 0.98

01:07:12.000 They don't drop off. 1.00

01:07:13.000 And when that happens, you're going to create a bunch of dumb people. 1.00

01:07:16.000 And having those dumb people around, look, they all fit their purpose. 1.00

01:07:19.000 They're all here for a reason. 1.00

01:07:20.000 But if you're going to have a fucking Nikolai Tesla, if you're going to have an Einstein, for sure you're going to have ditch diggers. 1.00

01:07:26.000 Dudes who are here to ditch dicks. 1.00

01:07:28.000 Ditch dicks. 1.00

01:07:31.000 You know what it probably is? 0.97

01:07:32.000 It's probably they set the retard bar so low in the 1900s that they just haven't raised it yet. 1.00

01:07:38.000 There should be maybe a test or two that we haven't been doing that makes people that instead are dumb, they're just retarded. 0.99

01:07:45.000 You know what I'm talking about? 1.00

01:07:47.000 This person's so dumb, they are retarded, but they're one test away. 1.00

01:07:52.000 We don't ever want to say that because we want to say, oh, you give people a chance and everyone's got a chance. 1.00

01:07:57.000 I think there are certain people where it's very much cultural.

01:08:00.000 They're raised in an environment where no one's questioning anything. 0.98

01:08:06.000 Their role models are all dunces. 0.97

01:08:08.000 They grow up in a family where people scream and yell at each other for no reason. 1.00

01:08:11.000 They live in this stupid world and so they imitate their atmosphere and they become stupid themselves. 1.00

01:08:16.000 There's people like that. 1.00

01:08:18.000 So it's not an exact science, but the problem is there's a lot of really fucking dumb people, man. 1.00

01:08:23.000 When you see those videos of those people that go to those Sarah Palin book signings, those teabagger people, and they're all up in arms against the government, there are some wooden minds in there, just some dull motherfuckers. 1.00

01:08:34.000 That's really a problem that everybody has to have a say. 0.99

01:08:39.000 How do you fix that?

01:08:40.000 How do you fix what we got going on as far as the idea of a democracy, the idea of half the people or more?

01:08:49.000 Have to agree.

01:08:52.000 The idea of a real democracy. 0.99

01:08:54.000 More than 50% of the people are retarded, which I think they are. 1.00

01:08:57.000 I would say more than 50%. 0.98

01:08:58.000 More than 50%. 0.99

01:08:59.000 How the fuck do you move forward? 0.98

01:09:02.000 The only way to do it is to make those people smarter. 0.99

01:09:06.000 It's to figure out a way to educate those people, to raise the number of dumb, raise the number of uninterested, uninvolved. 0.98

01:09:13.000 Do you think 50% are retarded like they have bad brains or just education, environment? 1.00

01:09:18.000 You know, I have... 0.97

01:09:20.000 I know people that are great people, but for whatever reason...

01:09:25.000 They just don't think the same way that my other friends do.

01:09:30.000 They're not thinking about putting their seatbelt on because they don't want to get in a car accident.

01:09:36.000 They just get in the car and just drive.

01:09:38.000 They just don't have a part of their brain that's not working.

01:09:45.000 Just thinking a little outside-the-box thing.

01:09:48.000 But do you think that's how they were raised?

01:09:49.000 Is it nature or nurture?

01:09:50.000 I think it's just they're not using the same parts of brains.

01:09:56.000 I just don't think that they have that in them.

01:10:00.000 I wonder how much of that is due to environment.

01:10:05.000 How much of it is due to pollution.

01:10:07.000 How much of it is due to what your mother was eating and doing while she had you in the room.

01:10:12.000 That has to have a big effect.

01:10:15.000 If you go on YouTube and search Me smoking a cigarette. 0.99

01:10:19.000 You'll see some guy in West Virginia just sitting there smoking a cigarette and you can tell just by looking at him he's retarded. 1.00

01:10:26.000 But yet he is probably not considered retarded. 0.84

01:10:28.000 No, and he can vote.

01:10:30.000 Yeah, and he can vote.

01:10:31.000 I've been having all these conversations about religion on the Rogan board lately because of all this Catholic scandal that's going on. 1.00

01:10:38.000 And I don't know if you know the latest, but they've proven that the Pope knew about pedophiles and hid the cases.

01:10:44.000 That before he was the Pope, that he knew about these pedophile cases and he did everything that he could to shield the information and protect the priests.

01:10:52.000 It's like, man, how could you not think that the Catholic religion is a cult at that point?

01:10:57.000 At that point, it's a cult, right?

01:10:58.000 I mean, it's a cult, period, definition-wise.

01:11:01.000 But at that point in time, you're like, how could this possibly be good? 0.99

01:11:04.000 You know, if at the very top, this kind of shit is going on. 0.99

01:11:08.000 How do people get tricked into that? 0.99

01:11:10.000 How is that possible? 0.85

01:11:12.000 How are people so silly that in 2010 this is still considered a possibility? 0.94

01:11:17.000 Maybe they're right. 1.00

01:11:18.000 Maybe these kid fuckers are on the ball. 1.00

01:11:20.000 Maybe they're the ones that we need to follow. 1.00

01:11:21.000 Maybe this crazy organization in Italy.

01:11:25.000 Maybe they're the masters of all the knowledge.

01:11:29.000 Is that nature or is that nurture?

01:11:32.000 What is that?

01:11:32.000 Is it both?

01:11:33.000 I don't know.

01:11:34.000 I think it's the same thing that when you talk to certain people, they don't get technology.

01:11:39.000 They're not informed as much as other people.

01:11:41.000 Is that nature or is that nurture?

01:11:43.000 To me and to you, when we look at gadgets and new things, Brian will find some new thing online, like, holy shit, look at this, and they'll send it to me or I'll send something to him.

01:11:55.000 You know, and you look at it, you're like, oh, what are they doing?

01:11:57.000 Look what they're doing with that. 1.00

01:11:58.000 This multi-touch fucking interface, like, minority report type shit or anything. 0.99

01:12:02.000 Anything new thing. 0.99

01:12:04.000 That stuff becomes fascinating, man.

01:12:06.000 I think, though, the later, the more we kind of kill off a certain age group of people that didn't grow, I think the more people are going to research for themselves religion and stuff like that.

01:12:17.000 And I think religion is probably, their future of religion is probably going to be a lot different in, say, the next hundred years than it's ever been in ever. 0.91

01:12:25.000 I think it's probably more people have realized how ridiculous it is now than ever before.

01:12:31.000 I don't think there's ever been more questioners, and there's probably never been more options either.

01:12:37.000 With Scientology and the Moonies and anything else, and new ones that are popping up left and right, there's all these new ideologies that are popping up left and right.

01:12:46.000 People are offering new alternatives.

01:12:50.000 And it can't last.

01:12:52.000 There's going to come a point in time where we know the truth.

01:12:59.000 It's not going to be something that we have to wonder and make a judgment call on. 1.00

01:13:02.000 It's going to be like, oh, I know you're full of shit. 1.00

01:13:04.000 Oh, I know you're lying. 1.00

01:13:05.000 Oh, I know the information you're giving me is not truthful.

01:13:08.000 I can read this and I can understand this.

01:13:10.000 We have an intuitive sense of what's wrong and what's right.

01:13:14.000 And we also have an intuitive sense of when people are lying.

01:13:17.000 When someone is not being honest with you or when...

01:13:20.000 You ever be talking to someone and you know that they're secretly hoping that something goes wrong with you?

01:13:25.000 Like there's some secret hate?

01:13:27.000 You ever been talking to someone...

01:13:28.000 On the internet every day.

01:13:30.000 Yeah.

01:13:31.000 Yeah.

01:13:32.000 But you know that feeling where somebody really is like, they're being douchey to you.

01:13:37.000 Like there's something there.

01:13:38.000 Right, right.

01:13:38.000 And you can't describe it, but you get a feeling from them.

01:13:42.000 You know, there's instinctual feelings that we have.

01:13:45.000 And deception is a big one, man.

01:13:47.000 That's a big one. 0.99

01:13:48.000 When someone's being deceptive and someone's lying to you, does that not drive you fucking bananas? 0.99

01:13:54.000 Doesn't that drive you crazy? 0.95

01:13:56.000 Well, yeah, I mean, but you have to also think that the reason why this person's acting like this or something like that is because it's something that they don't like that you've done to them or that's something that you do.

01:14:10.000 Maybe, but that's not always the case.

01:14:12.000 Sometimes it's their own shortcomings that's causing them to be insecure.

01:14:15.000 I mean, you know, I mean, we were talking about earlier, this girl that's upset at this other girl, you know?

01:14:20.000 Right.

01:14:21.000 I mean, think about that.

01:14:22.000 I mean, what is that?

01:14:22.000 Where's that coming from?

01:14:23.000 That's not, and no one did anything wrong there.

01:14:25.000 Right.

01:14:25.000 You know, it's like sometimes it's their own shortcomings.

01:14:28.000 Right.

01:14:28.000 It's people choosing you over another person.

01:14:30.000 Right.

01:14:30.000 It's someone seeing something that someone else has and saying, well, that should be me.

01:14:34.000 How come this guy is successful?

01:14:35.000 How come this girl is so happy and I'm not?

01:14:37.000 They get angry.

01:14:38.000 Right, right, right. 1.00

01:14:39.000 I mean, there's a lot of shit to human beings that's not logical. 0.99

01:14:43.000 But we can feel that. 0.99

01:14:45.000 When you're talking to someone and you...

01:14:47.000 I mean, how many times you talk to a dude...

01:14:49.000 I've talked to a bunch of dudes where I know there's some weird jealousy hate thing when I'm talking to them.

01:14:53.000 I try to just be as nice and friendly as possible and like, listen man, we're just meeting for the first time.

01:14:58.000 I don't really know you.

01:14:59.000 Don't make this a personal issue.

01:15:01.000 You think you have this rivalry with me because you see me on television and you don't like the fact that I'm doing something you want to do.

01:15:09.000 But I'm just a dude.

01:15:10.000 You're a dude.

01:15:10.000 I'm a dude.

01:15:11.000 And the reality is I'm not taking your job.

01:15:14.000 The reality is I got this job.

01:15:16.000 And the other reality is you can get something like it too.

01:15:19.000 You can become exactly like me, except your own version of it.

01:15:23.000 Anybody can do it.

01:15:24.000 Anybody can be successful in any area that they pursue. 1.00

01:15:29.000 You just have to figure out your way through the fucking path. 0.99

01:15:31.000 It is possible. 1.00

01:15:33.000 Look, Muggsy Bogues was a fucking basketball player who was 5'6". 0.99

01:15:37.000 Anything's possible. 0.99

01:15:41.000 It just has to be your own path.

01:15:44.000 And I think human beings especially have a real problem being jealous of other people and being upset at other people.

01:15:50.000 But my point is that you can feel that when someone does that to you.

01:15:54.000 And we're going to be able to tell when people are lying.

01:15:56.000 We're eventually going to be able to tell.

01:15:58.000 That's for sure something that's evolving in us with language and with consciousness.

01:16:05.000 We're figuring out deceptive behavior.

01:16:08.000 We're figuring it out because we understand it, we recognize it in ourselves.

01:16:11.000 And the more truthful you are, the more easy it is to pick out lies in other people.

01:16:16.000 Yeah.

01:16:16.000 And just so much information too.

01:16:19.000 Twitter alone has probably killed a million relationships.

01:16:23.000 And a million rumors too.

01:16:25.000 You pretty much can't do anything nowadays.

01:16:27.000 Imagine being married and imagine going to a bar and then you meet this girl and you start talking to her.

01:16:33.000 And somebody goes, oh hey, there's that person, takes a photo of you, puts it on their Twitter, now you are just being caught in front of five million people, you know?

01:16:43.000 Right, right, right.

01:16:43.000 It's like you can't, you pretty much have, we're going to all have to start wearing disguises like fake mustaches and stuff.

01:16:50.000 Yeah, you know what it's going to be? 0.99

01:16:51.000 It's going to be like that fucking movie with Tom Cruise. 0.99

01:16:54.000 What was that crazy movie? 0.99

01:16:55.000 One of Stanley Kubrick's last movies.

01:16:56.000 They all wore masks and they banged each other.

01:16:59.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00

01:17:00.000 What the fuck was that? 0.99

01:17:02.000 With Nicole Kidman? 1.00

01:17:03.000 Yeah, with Nicole Kidman.

01:17:04.000 What the hell was that movie?

01:17:06.000 Somebody knows.

01:17:07.000 Stanley Kubrick.

01:17:08.000 Yeah, what was that? 1.00

01:17:10.000 Shit. 1.00

01:17:10.000 Somebody will fucking come up with it. 1.00

01:17:12.000 I'm just going to sit here until somebody comes up with it. 0.99

01:17:15.000 This chick says, don't cheat then. 1.00

01:17:17.000 How hilarious are you?

01:17:19.000 Jenna BBB. No, nobody knows the answer to this fucking movie. 1.00

01:17:23.000 What is this goddamn movie? 1.00

01:17:24.000 Eyes Wide Shut. 1.00

01:17:25.000 Thank you, sir.

01:17:26.000 Thank you very much.

01:17:27.000 Yeah, of course you shouldn't cheat, but the problem is dudes want to, and we're programmed to.

01:17:32.000 Well, it's not even cheating.

01:17:33.000 You could have just met this person at a bar, said hi, and just started talking, but...

01:17:38.000 You know, Mr. Camera Phone behind you took a picture of you and now you're fucking, you know, it doesn't, like, shit's all crazy now. 1.00

01:17:44.000 You can't do anything. 0.99

01:17:45.000 Yeah, for sure.

01:17:45.000 But the reality is, the reason why it's an issue at all is that human beings, especially men, are wired to try to populate an entire village.

01:17:53.000 Right.

01:17:53.000 Because that's how the best sperm survives.

01:17:55.000 And, you know, that's why all these crazy conqueror motherfuckers like Tiger Woods, you know, these guys that are so uber-competitive, that's why he had so many chicks, you know? 0.99

01:18:02.000 It's like, the guy's just doing nature. 0.99

01:18:05.000 He's spreading his seed.

01:18:06.000 If this was, you know, 2,000 years ago, that would be totally normal.

01:18:09.000 But it's like an offshoot, you know?

01:18:11.000 Get out of here, spouse. 0.99

01:18:12.000 It's an offshoot of, you know, a fucking warrior instincts, you know? 1.00

01:18:17.000 He's out there conquering, and then he's conquering, you know? 0.98

01:18:20.000 He's like doing what he's supposed to do.

01:18:22.000 He's like driving forward, you know?

01:18:25.000 Women are wired to grab a man and keep him for protection. 1.00

01:18:28.000 Yeah, that's true, too.

01:18:29.000 Yeah, that's definitely true. 1.00

01:18:31.000 Sex addiction is total bullshit. 1.00

01:18:33.000 Is it, you sex-addicted motherfucker? 1.00

01:18:35.000 I would have to disagree because I know some people that are totally addicted to sex in a different level than I am. 1.00

01:18:40.000 Yeah, you don't know, man.

01:18:41.000 You never met some friends of mine.

01:18:42.000 Did you ever talk about the ceramic or the lotion?

01:18:46.000 No.

01:18:46.000 You should talk about that.

01:18:47.000 I have a friend who used to do a thing called shooting.

01:18:51.000 And what he would do is he would get these running pants, like those really thin sort of like, it's almost like a nylon.

01:18:59.000 Yeah, silky.

01:19:00.000 Really silky running pants.

01:19:02.000 And he would literally rub the crotch with a fine grit sandpaper. 1.00

01:19:07.000 And then he would baby oil his balls and his shit, his junk, and baby oil everything. 1.00

01:19:16.000 So it's all nice and slippery. 1.00

01:19:17.000 So he takes this super thin... 0.99

01:19:21.000 Running pants, and he puts them on over his baby-oiled shit, and then he would go get lap dances. 1.00

01:19:25.000 And he would just shoot in his pants. 1.00

01:19:27.000 Because, you know, the girl would be hot, and she'd be riding on him, and his dick would get hard. 1.00

01:19:31.000 It was literally like sex. 1.00

01:19:32.000 Like, ugh... 0.94

01:19:34.000 He was obsessed with his work.

01:19:37.000 He has his own company, so he would work these long hours.

01:19:41.000 He was a very successful millionaire.

01:19:43.000 He had the whole thing. 1.00

01:19:44.000 Big fucking house in the hills. 1.00

01:19:46.000 He had the whole package. 1.00

01:19:48.000 He worked all day.

01:19:50.000 He had no time for relationships.

01:19:52.000 He had some bad experiences with women.

01:19:54.000 So he thought women were just trying to rip him off.

01:19:56.000 And this chick that he was dating, she wound up cheating on him. 1.00

01:20:00.000 And he got his heart crushed.

01:20:02.000 So he just decided to just go shooting.

01:20:04.000 And this would be his day.

01:20:05.000 He would go to work, work all day.

01:20:07.000 Then he would get something to eat.

01:20:09.000 And then he would go shooting.

01:20:10.000 Or he would go shooting on the way home.

01:20:12.000 And then he would get something to eat.

01:20:13.000 And then go to bed and do it all over again.

01:20:15.000 And that was his-- all of his relationships were lap dances.

01:20:19.000 And he got caught eventually, didn't he? 0.99

01:20:20.000 Well, he fucked up once and he went and he put too much baby oil on or I think he used lube and literally his pants were soaked. 0.99

01:20:27.000 And so the girl sat on him. 1.00

01:20:29.000 She's like, what the fuck? 1.00

01:20:30.000 She thought he pissed himself. 1.00

01:20:32.000 She's like, what are you doing?

01:20:33.000 What's wrong with you?

01:20:34.000 He's like, oh, I'm sorry.

01:20:35.000 He said I was so embarrassed and he left and... 1.00

01:20:37.000 You know, he leaves with this puddle in his pants of baby oil and lube and it's like dripping into his socks and shit. 1.00

01:20:43.000 See, that's addiction. 1.00

01:20:44.000 That's sex addiction. 0.96

01:20:46.000 Oh, I don't know.

01:20:47.000 I mean, I think it's kind of like...

01:20:48.000 I mean, he's into massages.

01:20:50.000 He was into like being rewarded for his hard work.

01:20:54.000 He was into like fine food and massages. 0.99

01:20:56.000 And if prostitution was legal, he would just hire hookers. 1.00

01:20:59.000 If it was an acceptable, normal thing to do, like he lived in some foreign country where they allowed prostitution, he would just go to the prostitutes and get serviced and then go home. 1.00

01:21:09.000 There's a fucking... 0.99

01:21:12.000 I don't understand how people have allowed that to be illegal. 0.99

01:21:16.000 How do you stop that?

01:21:17.000 Why do you stop that?

01:21:19.000 Mostly health reasons, I think.

01:21:21.000 Yeah? 0.99

01:21:21.000 You don't want fucking AIDS going rampant and everyone having herpes. 0.99

01:21:26.000 Really though? 1.00

01:21:27.000 I think it's gotta be that.

01:21:28.000 But if you go to brothels, they have to check those girls. 1.00

01:21:30.000 They test those girls. 1.00

01:21:31.000 If you go to a brothel in a country that's respectable, supposedly they're testing those girls just like they test porn stars. 1.00

01:21:37.000 I don't think it's a good argument because I think that if you're paying attention more, it's a lot safer than if it's some fucking underground thing where these... 0.97

01:21:46.000 There's probably a lot of violence that comes with it, too, though. 0.96

01:21:49.000 People going a little bit too far and raping a person.

01:21:52.000 Yeah, but wouldn't it be safer if they did it in a brothel where there's security and when people get screened and they know someone's not crazy and they have security there everywhere? 1.00

01:22:00.000 I mean, that makes much more sense to me than some poor girl who has to put a fucking ad in some magazine and then show up. 1.00

01:22:05.000 You remember that girl that came to the comedy store one night? 0.99

01:22:07.000 We talked to her and she said she was a hooker? 1.00

01:22:09.000 Yeah. 0.97

01:22:09.000 And she would respond to ads? 0.97

01:22:10.000 Mm-hmm.

01:22:11.000 And she would only go to them, right?

01:22:13.000 She wouldn't let them come to her?

01:22:14.000 Is that what it was?

01:22:15.000 Right.

01:22:15.000 Yeah.

01:22:15.000 She would go to them so that she had an address, you know, and she would tell her friend, hey, this is where I went, so if anything happens to me, I don't...

01:22:21.000 Come back, you know, somebody killed me. 1.00

01:22:23.000 And she would go to these people's places and she would fuck them. 1.00

01:22:27.000 It was crazy. 1.00

01:22:29.000 She was super honest about it. 1.00

01:22:30.000 You remember that shit? 1.00

01:22:31.000 What was it? 1.00

01:22:32.000 She was a meth head? 0.99

01:22:34.000 She acted like a meth head. 1.00

01:22:35.000 But she told us. 0.66

01:22:36.000 I don't remember.

01:22:37.000 I think she said she did meth.

01:22:40.000 If you had a real brothel, I think there would be a lot less crime. 1.00

01:22:45.000 There would be certainly way less rapes if dudes would just get laid. 1.00

01:22:49.000 People would settle down.

01:22:52.000 When you really did fall in love and you're really with a woman, there wouldn't be this overwhelming desire to be with someone just to have sex.

01:23:01.000 Because you could always have sex. 0.85

01:23:02.000 You could just pay for it if you wanted to.

01:23:03.000 But being in a relationship would be a relationship where you really enjoy being with that person.

01:23:10.000 Especially if you live in a place where it's hard to get laid. 0.85

01:23:13.000 Like, if you live in Boston or something like that, it's hard to get laid in Boston.

01:23:17.000 It's not easy, man.

01:23:18.000 Those girls, what, you just wanna use me? 1.00

01:23:20.000 You just wanna use me and then you get in your car and you drive home?

01:23:25.000 I didn't even know women were nice until I moved to California, man. 0.99

01:23:28.000 I had no idea.

01:23:30.000 That's funny.

01:23:31.000 It's true, man.

01:23:32.000 It's true.

01:23:32.000 It's totally true.

01:23:33.000 Such angry people on that side. 0.97

01:23:34.000 It's so goddamn cold. 0.99

01:23:36.000 It's cold. 1.00

01:23:37.000 It's just a goddamn disaster. 0.99

01:23:40.000 It's a lot of tension. 0.99

01:23:42.000 And a lot of people there are all, go get them too.

01:23:45.000 They moved their immigrants. 1.00

01:23:47.000 You know, their grandparents were immigrants, and they moved there from another country. 1.00

01:23:50.000 That's some serious go-getter shit. 0.99

01:23:52.000 Take all your stuff, pack it, get in a boat, sail across the fucking world, and start in some new place, and learn the language, and learn, you know, how to... 1.00

01:24:02.000 I mean, that's how go-getter these people were. 0.99

01:24:05.000 So the people that initially came to this country on the East Coast, those are all savages. 1.00

01:24:09.000 And the people that went west are all the people that wanted to get away from the savages. 0.99

01:24:12.000 All the people were like, these fucking people are crazy, get me out of here, and they all took off. 0.99

01:24:16.000 And the furthest they could get was here. 0.99

01:24:19.000 That's why people in California are like the most laid back and the most progressive.

01:24:23.000 I mean, it literally is because they're the ones that are the ancestors of the ones that wanted to get the fuck away from where they were.

01:24:29.000 Yeah, totally. 0.69

01:24:32.000 Go try the thin running pants next time you're in Houston.

01:24:37.000 I don't think so, man.

01:24:38.000 I think you probably still get diseases with thin running pants. 0.99

01:24:42.000 But, uh, listen, it's a fucking, it's an excellent possibility. 0.98

01:24:45.000 I should add that whole story to my whole Vegas routine. 0.98

01:24:50.000 Yeah.

01:24:50.000 It's totally true.

01:24:51.000 Joe always talks about 2012, new topics. 0.99

01:24:59.000 Who the fuck are you talking about, dummy? 0.99

01:25:01.000 I keep answering this chick's tweets. 1.00

01:25:03.000 When did we talk about 2012?

01:25:05.000 We didn't bring that up. 1.00

01:25:07.000 Shut up, Hooker! 1.00

01:25:08.000 Shut your mouth. 1.00

01:25:10.000 Shut your dirty, dirty mouth. 1.00

01:25:12.000 This guy says I use NaturallySpeaking 9.5 on the PC. It's pretty good. 1.00

01:25:16.000 I have a little bit of speech impediment due to my cerebral palsy.

01:25:19.000 You speak much clearer than I do, so you should have no problem.

01:25:22.000 I believe there's a new version.

01:25:24.000 Huh.

01:25:24.000 I wonder, though, if that's the PC one is better.

01:25:27.000 Does anybody know if the better PC one is better? 0.99

01:25:30.000 The PC one rather is better than the Mac one, or is it the exact same shit? 0.98

01:25:33.000 It would make no sense if the PC one's better. 0.99

01:25:36.000 It used to be that way.

01:25:38.000 It used to be that the PC one was better.

01:25:42.000 It definitely used to be.

01:25:44.000 But I don't know.

01:25:45.000 Now that Mac users are like 8% or 10% of the population or something, what is it now?

01:25:50.000 I don't know.

01:25:54.000 Yeah, what percentage is it, man?

01:25:56.000 I have no idea.

01:25:59.000 There's a mental game one can play called Channel the Alien, wherein one can find the answers to complex questions simply by visualizing an ancient alien from beyond pretending to channel the answers.

01:26:12.000 Try it sometime, you'll be surprised.

01:26:15.000 Okay, so what this guy is saying, this Holy Chaos 23, is that you can find the wise answers to things by pretending to channel an alien who has the wise answers. 0.99

01:26:31.000 What the fuck are you talking about, son? 0.99

01:26:35.000 Why did I even think about that? 1.00

01:26:38.000 Where are you getting your weed, bitch? 1.00

01:26:40.000 Okay? 1.00

01:26:40.000 Because that shit is strong. 1.00

01:26:42.000 It's a little too strong for you. 1.00

01:26:43.000 You're off the track and into the woods, okay? 1.00

01:26:45.000 Your fucking train is knocking over trees right now. 1.00

01:26:47.000 That doesn't make any sense. 1.00

01:26:49.000 I guess I kind of see what you're saying, you know, and I sort of do that sometimes where I say to myself, okay, if I wasn't me, how would I advise myself?

01:27:00.000 And I pretend that I'm talking to a much more intelligent version of me guiding my life.

01:27:06.000 I do do that. 0.99

01:27:07.000 But I don't pretend it's a goddamn alien. 0.98

01:27:09.000 I just try to think of what is... 0.98

01:27:11.000 Objectively, separate myself from my life and what's the best advice I could give myself if I was smarter than I am.

01:27:18.000 I just thought about it again and I'm mad at myself for trying to think about it twice.

01:27:23.000 That's funny. 1.00

01:27:24.000 Dumbest shit ever. 1.00

01:27:25.000 I think you're silly, fella. 1.00

01:27:28.000 Channel the alien. 1.00

01:27:32.000 Okay.

01:27:34.000 Look at this guy. 0.88

01:27:36.000 Puny human. 1.00

01:27:37.000 The reason Red Band isn't paying attention is because you talk about the same shit every show. 1.00

01:27:40.000 Then don't tune in, faggot. 1.00

01:27:43.000 You don't have to like it. 1.00

01:27:44.000 It's all free, bitch. 1.00

01:27:47.000 Ron Jeremy fucked your roommate. 1.00

01:27:49.000 Whoa. 1.00

01:27:50.000 Somebody's roommate got fucked by Ron Jeremy. 0.99

01:27:55.000 I'm glad you like him, dude. 0.99

01:27:57.000 Alright, let's go to page one and see what questions we've got here.

01:28:00.000 How do you think the world would turn out if it were to be divided by believers and non-believers? 0.99

01:28:06.000 Would the believers eventually end up just raping and murdering the non-believers into their cult? 0.98

01:28:12.000 I hate these questions. 1.00

01:28:14.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:28:16.000 The real problem with believing and non-believing is that nobody fucking knows. 0.98

01:28:19.000 You don't know and nobody knows. 1.00

01:28:21.000 You shouldn't be a goddamn believer. 0.99

01:28:23.000 We should be a questioner. 1.00

01:28:24.000 We should try to figure things out. 1.00

01:28:25.000 But whenever anybody tells you they got the answers, that person is either full of shit or they want your money. 1.00

01:28:30.000 Period. 0.99

01:28:30.000 No one has the answers. 0.99

01:28:31.000 You don't know.

01:28:32.000 It's impossible.

01:28:33.000 There's no way.

01:28:35.000 Have I listened to any Daniel Dennett's lectures?

01:28:38.000 No.

01:28:39.000 I don't know who Daniel Dennett is.

01:28:40.000 Do you know who Daniel Dennett is?

01:28:41.000 No.

01:28:42.000 I will never find that out.

01:28:44.000 You're going to have to give me some more information, son.

01:28:46.000 More information.

01:28:47.000 See that dude go off on me about the last podcast about politics?

01:28:52.000 Yeah.

01:28:52.000 He emailed me.

01:28:53.000 He made a thread about it. 0.98

01:28:55.000 He fucking tried to contact me on something I am. 0.94

01:28:57.000 It's an interesting topic because I go back and forth on it and I agree with you to a certain extent. 0.99

01:29:02.000 It really is silly.

01:29:04.000 You can waste so much of your energy thinking about politics, but then the argument is we're supposed to be governing ourselves in this country and that you get the option to vote and you get the right to express your opinion and you can actually change the world.

01:29:21.000 But I don't know if you can.

01:29:23.000 I'm not completely convinced at this point.

01:29:25.000 With the amount of money that they're able to contribute to campaign funds that giant corporations are able to, they're literally shaping the way people see things.

01:29:32.000 They're putting ads and manipulating people's thoughts and getting people to believe things that aren't necessarily true, all so that they can push a certain agenda so that somebody can make money.

01:29:42.000 I mean, the situation is totally corrupt.

01:29:44.000 I mean, so much money is involved in politics now and so much money is involved in, you know, in running the world. 0.98

01:29:51.000 And, you know, just look at what Obama's done with all this fucking bailouts and this... 0.86

01:29:57.000 When you look at this whole healthcare system thing, someone has to be making money. 0.92

01:30:02.000 There's no way they'd be putting this much effort into this whole healthcare thing if it was just about, you know, keeping the people healthy and making sure that people have medical coverage.

01:30:11.000 It's not.

01:30:13.000 There's money involved in it.

01:30:14.000 It's corruption.

01:30:15.000 It's going to get crazy. 0.99

01:30:16.000 And it's a goddamn money grab, just like the bailout is. 0.99

01:30:19.000 And it's all very, very boring to me. 0.99

01:30:22.000 And the real thing about it is, it does get boring.

01:30:25.000 The real thing about it is you can never have all the information.

01:30:28.000 It's impossible.

01:30:28.000 And it's a trap.

01:30:29.000 I care about the things I want to care about, about the government.

01:30:32.000 Meaning if they've decided to make a bill about banning the internet or that cats are going to be illegal, then I'll care about that part of it.

01:30:40.000 But I'm not going to sit there and try to figure out everything from A to Z about our government and freak out about it because you know what?

01:30:45.000 I'm freaking out about my mail being delivered today. 0.99

01:30:48.000 I have my own shit. 0.99

01:30:50.000 And if I did that, I'll just be an angry person. 1.00

01:30:52.000 You know? 1.00

01:30:53.000 Fuck that shit. 1.00

01:30:54.000 Yeah, I agree with you. 1.00

01:30:55.000 I see your point.

01:30:56.000 But people could also argue that that's apathy.

01:30:58.000 People could say that that's what's wrong with this country, that people don't care.

01:31:01.000 But I say that until someone acknowledges the fact that this system is broken, we need a radical overhaul of this system, a complete restructuring of the way we do business in this country.

01:31:15.000 It's called moving to Canada. 0.69

01:31:17.000 It's not even moving to Canada because they're corrupt too. 1.00

01:31:19.000 There's a big fucking, there's a big scandal. 1.00

01:31:22.000 The Minister of Finance, I believe, is involved in a big scandal in Canada. 1.00

01:31:25.000 People are corrupt, man.

01:31:26.000 It's human beings. 0.86

01:31:27.000 People are less corrupt in places where people are less ambitious, like Canada, where people are more laid back and friendlier.

01:31:33.000 You know, and that's one of the things that's cool about Canada.

01:31:35.000 People are just like, they're less crazy up there.

01:31:38.000 They're a little cooler, a little calmer.

01:31:39.000 You know, I think that...

01:31:42.000 I think you could waste your whole life trying to understand this system and be a part of it and argue it and go to court and it will become your everything.

01:31:51.000 And it's a system that we're born into.

01:31:53.000 We're born into this system that we did not choose.

01:31:56.000 We have no control of and it's so comprehensive and so fucking intertwined that just to study, a single branch of it would take up all of your time. 0.99

01:32:07.000 If you just wanted to understand the stock market, that shit would take up every fucking hour of every day of your life just trying to figure out how all that shit worked. 1.00

01:32:16.000 And even then, look at that fucking guy, that Bernie Madoff motherfucker. 1.00

01:32:21.000 That guy was ripping off people who understood the business. 1.00

01:32:24.000 That guy ripped off everybody. 1.00

01:32:25.000 He ripped off millionaires and shit. 1.00

01:32:27.000 He ripped off fucking Steven Spielberg. 1.00

01:32:29.000 He ripped off all these really big name people. 0.99

01:32:32.000 So that means nobody knows how it works.

01:32:34.000 Nobody understands that thing. 1.00

01:32:36.000 Could you imagine if your whole life is dedicated to studying the stock market, you're a supposed expert, people ask you for advice, and meanwhile you got fucked. 1.00

01:32:46.000 It's a goddamn con game. 1.00

01:32:48.000 Nobody understands it. 1.00

01:32:50.000 Fuck politics. 1.00

01:32:51.000 It's not politics we're talking about, man. 1.00

01:32:53.000 We're talking about the whole system.

01:32:54.000 We're talking about money.

01:32:55.000 We're talking about everything. 1.00

01:32:56.000 And we're talking about this attitude of fuck politics. 0.99

01:32:59.000 It's like, what can be done? 0.99

01:33:02.000 That's the big question.

01:33:03.000 What can be done to make the world better?

01:33:06.000 If you had any say in trying to figure out what direction we could go to make everything easier for everybody, what would you do?

01:33:16.000 Have everything make a lot more sense.

01:33:20.000 Because right now, everything from the schools, the taxing, everything about the government makes no sense to the average person.

01:33:28.000 But if they can have a website you have to go to every day and go, okay guys, today's topic of the day.

01:33:34.000 Do you think that slavery is legal?

01:33:36.000 Yes, no.

01:33:37.000 And then have the whole country vote right there.

01:33:39.000 Make it super planned out and easy.

01:33:41.000 Something like that. 0.97

01:33:42.000 Because right now, No one gives a fuck what's going on on the Wall Street. 0.92

01:33:45.000 Right, but when you start talking about education and money and stuff like that, you get into really complex subjects. 0.97

01:33:50.000 It's not that simple as having people vote.

01:33:53.000 Because then you run into the same issue.

01:33:54.000 People just put out propaganda. 1.00

01:33:56.000 Oh, if slavery's not legal, that means the Iraqis will attack us and they'll rape your baby. 1.00

01:34:01.000 And next thing you know, slavery's legal again. 1.00

01:34:03.000 I mean, people are dumb, man. 1.00

01:34:05.000 Yeah, I know. 1.00

01:34:06.000 But it should be a vote, though, system. 0.99

01:34:08.000 Because right now, it's like no one gives a fuck. 0.98

01:34:10.000 No one knows what's going on. 0.98

01:34:11.000 Right, but if it's a vote online... 0.99

01:34:12.000 If there's a vote online whether or not you should be killed tonight, right now, if people watch this podcast, maybe 60% of the people would want you dead. 1.00

01:34:19.000 For real, that's how crazy people are. 1.00

01:34:22.000 That's true.

01:34:23.000 You can't allow people to have a decision. 0.99

01:34:25.000 That's why all this shit's all broken anyway. 0.99

01:34:27.000 You can't fix it no matter what me, Red Band, thinks about fucking any of this. 0.99

01:34:31.000 It doesn't matter. 0.99

01:34:32.000 It's going to happen the way it's...

01:34:34.000 You just called yourself by your internet name.

01:34:36.000 I know.

01:34:37.000 That's from that thread.

01:34:39.000 Everyone was calling me like a third person.

01:34:41.000 Who cares about a red band?

01:34:44.000 It was designed for Mac computers and cats.

01:34:46.000 I agree completely. 0.99

01:34:48.000 Who the fuck cares? 0.99

01:34:49.000 I can't change anything. 0.99

01:34:51.000 Even if I could, one person, I don't want to dip up my life to see if I could or not. 0.98

01:34:55.000 I don't give a fuck about that. 0.99

01:34:56.000 It's like baseball to me. 0.98

01:34:57.000 The real problem is it does take away from everything that you enjoy.

01:35:01.000 People say, you have to fight for your rights.

01:35:04.000 Do you really?

01:35:05.000 Why don't you just have your rights? 0.99

01:35:07.000 That's the real goddamn problem. 0.99

01:35:08.000 The real problem is that I have to think about this fucked up system at all. 1.00

01:35:12.000 That it's so broken, you have to keep an eye on it 24 hours a day because people are just stealing and getting us into fucking wars and making terrible decisions. 0.99

01:35:22.000 And they'll blame it on all these troubles that are happening in other countries. 0.99

01:35:25.000 But when you start fucking reading into it and you find out the shit that we do that causes all these troubles, you know, god damn, no wonder why everybody fucking hates us. 1.00

01:35:32.000 We got our dirty little fingers in everything. 1.00

01:35:34.000 So it's like, it's not me. 1.00

01:35:35.000 It's not me that has my dirty little fingers in Afghanistan and Iraq and, you know, and fucking all sorts of shit that goes on in third world countries. 1.00

01:35:41.000 And it's not you either. 1.00

01:35:42.000 You should be able to fucking pursue what you want to do. 0.99

01:35:45.000 And the idea that you have to go over there and kill some people to do that, it's just... 0.99

01:35:48.000 Damn, in 2010, we pretend like you go to Australia, like when we went to Australia recently. 0.99

01:35:55.000 Dude, people in Australia are so fucking cool. 0.99

01:35:57.000 They're so fun to be around. 0.95

01:35:59.000 They're such a friendly culture.

01:36:02.000 What if we decided to go to war with Australia?

01:36:04.000 How nutty would that be?

01:36:05.000 All of a sudden, we're supposed to be tricked into believing that we have a problem.

01:36:08.000 With this continent that we've never been to.

01:36:10.000 It will probably happen in our lifetime. 0.99

01:36:11.000 If it didn't, I mean, it's because we're going to war together as a group against some other motherfuckers. 0.98

01:36:16.000 I mean, that's really the only reason why we're not. 1.00

01:36:18.000 It's because we've decided to band up and go jack these fools and take their shit. 1.00

01:36:22.000 But it's amazing that our system... 1.00

01:36:25.000 There's no other system, though. 0.99

01:36:27.000 I mean, when you get 300 million people in place, what the fuck? 0.93

01:36:30.000 There's no other model of how to run a 300 million person empire and to do it correctly where people think it's fair. 0.96

01:36:37.000 Because people are just, it's part of life is an intelligence test.

01:36:40.000 And part of the intelligence test is how susceptible are you to manipulation?

01:36:45.000 You know, I mean, literally, it's like a game. 0.97

01:36:47.000 It's like there's people like these evangelists that you see, you know, at three o'clock in the morning that are fucking talking a certain cadence and like, especially that black guy with the hot dog rolls in the back of his neck, you know the guy I'm talking about? 0.98

01:36:58.000 Yeah, I know. 1.00

01:36:58.000 That motherfucker is always, you know, spouting out some Bible shit, but he's doing it so charismatic and he's sweating like a pig and everybody in the audience is going bananas and It's an intelligence test. 1.00

01:37:08.000 The intelligence test is, do you believe? 1.00

01:37:10.000 This guy is so confident, he's speaking so clearly.

01:37:13.000 Do you believe what he's saying? 1.00

01:37:14.000 Because if you do, you're a dumbass. 1.00

01:37:16.000 He's just tricking you by being so confident in what he's saying. 1.00

01:37:20.000 And that's what it really is.

01:37:21.000 It's like, this whole world is like a gigantic intelligence test.

01:37:25.000 And even at the highest level, people are failing left and right. 0.99

01:37:28.000 If you start getting into these, you know, the Republicans want to control the House, what the fuck are you talking about? 0.98

01:37:34.000 Like, look what you're talking about. 1.00

01:37:35.000 You're talking about nonsense. 0.52

01:37:37.000 If everybody just stepped back and said, this is all nonsense. 1.00

01:37:40.000 This whole thing sucks. 1.00

01:37:41.000 Stop. 1.00

01:37:42.000 We're not going to fucking keep going with Windows 95. Shut the fuck up. 1.00

01:37:47.000 Okay, Windows 95 sucks. 1.00

01:37:48.000 We need some new shit, okay? 0.99

01:37:51.000 Do you have NT? Do you have Windows 2000? 0.99

01:37:53.000 Where's Vista? 1.00

01:37:54.000 Where's Windows 7, you motherfuckers? 0.99

01:37:56.000 Where's Mac OS? Windows Me. 0.99

01:37:58.000 Oh, that was a dark, dark time in American history.

01:38:02.000 You know, we need a better operating system.

01:38:04.000 And the problem is we don't. 1.00

01:38:05.000 We just keep patching up the same stupid fucking system we've always had. 1.00

01:38:09.000 So what do you do? 1.00

01:38:10.000 Do you sit back?

01:38:11.000 No, you don't move. 1.00

01:38:12.000 Because if you move, they're going to be under control of some other motherfuckers. 1.00

01:38:15.000 Yeah, but how I look at it is if you have a neighbor's dog that's barking. 0.99

01:38:19.000 You can either sit there and deal with it for as long, but once it gets too bad, you have to do something about it.

01:38:25.000 And so that's how I feel about it.

01:38:27.000 If I still wake up and everything's fine, nothing's really affecting me.

01:38:31.000 On an everyday basis, enough to care about it, then I'll be fine.

01:38:35.000 But if something fucking crazy happens, like they decide to do something that's going to affect me, then I'll just be like, you know what? 1.00

01:38:40.000 Fuck you. 1.00

01:38:41.000 I'll move on. 1.00

01:38:41.000 Because I don't give a fuck. 1.00

01:38:42.000 I'm not like United States for the rest of my life. 0.99

01:38:45.000 I don't care.

01:38:46.000 I'm sure living in Australia is part of- When you move a bunch of times, move around a bunch of times in this country, you realize the United States doesn't have one mentality.

01:38:53.000 And then when you move or when you travel to other places, you're like, God, I could live here.

01:38:57.000 Right.

01:38:57.000 I can easily live on England.

01:38:58.000 It's a huge planet.

01:38:59.000 Yeah.

01:38:59.000 Dude, England is pretty dope.

01:39:01.000 I like living in it. 0.97

01:39:02.000 The weather kind of sucks. 0.85

01:39:02.000 It rains a lot. 0.85

01:39:03.000 But dude, people are fun as fuck. 0.99

01:39:05.000 I enjoy it there. 0.96

01:39:06.000 I love doing shows in England. 0.98

01:39:07.000 England is fucking fun. 0.97

01:39:08.000 You know, you could live in England. 0.99

01:39:09.000 You could live in Australia. 1.00

01:39:11.000 Shit. 1.00

01:39:12.000 You would have no problem in Sydney, dude. 1.00

01:39:14.000 You'd have to wear sunscreen.

01:39:15.000 That's it.

01:39:15.000 They get no ozone layered up there.

01:39:17.000 Everybody gets jacked.

01:39:19.000 Skin cancer runs rampant.

01:39:20.000 They have these big ads on billboards about skin cancer.

01:39:23.000 It's everywhere, dude.

01:39:24.000 It's a real problem.

01:39:25.000 But dude, people are friendly.

01:39:26.000 The weather's beautiful.

01:39:28.000 The coastline's gorgeous.

01:39:31.000 They have no problem there. 0.98

01:39:34.000 The idea that this one fucking place, from one ocean to another ocean, that's like so 5,000 years ago. 0.99

01:39:41.000 That we're fighting for our land. 0.99

01:39:43.000 Jesus Christ!

01:39:46.000 Especially in America to think that. 1.00

01:39:49.000 When you're a citizen in America, you are just like riding in the balls of the dick that's fucking the world. 1.00

01:39:55.000 You're just a part of this gigantic machine that's just bone in the world. 1.00

01:40:00.000 Two planes come over here and smash into buildings and we lose our marbles.

01:40:04.000 And we wind up killing a million civilians in Iraq and justifying it that we're keeping ourselves safe over here. 1.00

01:40:10.000 It's fucking nuts, man. 1.00

01:40:11.000 What's the answer, goddammit? 1.00

01:40:13.000 What's the answer, internet people? 0.81

01:40:15.000 What's the answer, Twitter people? 0.99

01:40:16.000 There's no goddamn answer. 1.00

01:40:18.000 There's no goddamn fucking answer. 1.00

01:40:20.000 It doesn't exist. 1.00

01:40:21.000 If you lose your marbles, you can't buy new ones because they don't make them anymore.

01:40:25.000 Yeah, the marble industry is way out of business, man.

01:40:31.000 Yeah, pretty soon, I think it's almost going to be like how the internet kind of...

01:40:35.000 In the old days, I wasn't talking to people from England every day, and Australia, and that kind of broke that wall.

01:40:41.000 I think in the future, there's not going to...

01:40:42.000 Like, once religion kind of fizzles out a little bit more, I think even just countries are going to fizzle out more, because we're probably going to be just teleporting to Japan every day, you know?

01:40:52.000 Like...

01:40:52.000 Hey, I'm going to go to Japan.

01:40:53.000 I'll be right back.

01:40:54.000 Well, boundaries are definitely dissolving.

01:40:57.000 The only thing that keeps us in this one idea is travel.

01:41:01.000 It's difficult to get in planes.

01:41:03.000 Then when you land, you have to be screened.

01:41:05.000 What's the next plane?

01:41:07.000 What's the next jet plane?

01:41:08.000 It's probably going to be something like sending our brainwaves to another body in Japan that We have like a backup body. 0.72

01:41:14.000 And if we get to a position where we talked about before like you know we talked about like Twitter and Facebook and this connectivity that people share right now.

01:41:21.000 It's like we're connected so much more now than we've ever been before.

01:41:24.000 If we really do get to a place where no secrets We'll exist.

01:41:30.000 Where everyone will know everything.

01:41:31.000 You'll be able to read each other's minds.

01:41:32.000 We'll be able to access each other's information.

01:41:34.000 Maybe that's the only way we'll ever really have a real government.

01:41:39.000 When we'll really realize that we really can't bullshit things.

01:41:42.000 That we need to have to come clean about the fact that we live in a crazy dictatorship that's dressed up as a democracy where these gigantic corporations are making millions of dollars and we just have to just accept the fact that we're under their rule. 0.93

01:41:55.000 It's the same way They accepted the fact when they lived in fucking England, they were under the rule of the king and all these different countries that are controlled by monarchs. 0.74

01:42:04.000 They have to accept that. 1.00

01:42:05.000 It's clean and they know what the fuck it is. 1.00

01:42:07.000 Like in Thailand, there's a goddamn king, period. 1.00

01:42:09.000 That's what it is. 1.00

01:42:10.000 There's a king and you gotta deal with that shit and you can't talk shit about him. 1.00

01:42:13.000 And maybe it's either that or we realize we can't do that anymore. 1.00

01:42:18.000 We realize we can't live like this anymore.

01:42:19.000 Maybe that's the only thing that's gonna save us.

01:42:21.000 Maybe it is technology.

01:42:23.000 You know? 1.00

01:42:23.000 Maybe it'll get the people who are actually running things to realize how ridiculous it is when everybody knows they're bullshit. 1.00

01:42:30.000 I don't know, man. 1.00

01:42:31.000 It's a fucking... 0.99

01:42:31.000 It's a tricky situation. 0.99

01:42:32.000 You know? 1.00

01:42:35.000 Stupid. 1.00

01:42:35.000 We are completely headed towards an age where lies and deception will fade away, yet we will never understand all of everything. 1.00

01:42:41.000 I think that's what we were just talking about, so that's...

01:42:43.000 It's contradictory?

01:42:44.000 Yeah.

01:42:45.000 Yeah, it is.

01:42:46.000 But we're just talking about what's here right now and what may or may not be possible in the future.

01:42:51.000 I mean, the idea that we're going to get to an age where everything is connected, that really is speculation, man.

01:42:57.000 I mean, we don't really know if we're ever going to get that far.

01:42:59.000 We don't know if we're going to get hit by a gigantic meteor or fucking polar ice caps or shift. 0.98

01:43:04.000 I mean, when you look at the history of the Earth, who the fuck knows what the hell is going to happen to us, you know? 0.99

01:43:08.000 There's always some new shit going down. 0.99

01:43:11.000 You know? 0.99

01:43:12.000 You know what the nuttiest thing about, like I was watching these solar system documentaries today?

01:43:16.000 The nuttiest thing is how many different planets have been hit by planets.

01:43:21.000 You know?

01:43:21.000 Like there was a thing on Uranus about how they recognized there's rings around Uranus and they believed it was some sort of a collision.

01:43:28.000 And they were talking about moons colliding.

01:43:30.000 And eventually Uranus' moons, they're real close to each other, eventually going to slam into each other. 0.99

01:43:35.000 Like, God damn! 0.77

01:43:37.000 Can you imagine if we realized that Earth was getting hit by a planet if it was like a hundred years away? 0.99

01:43:43.000 If we saw a planet...

01:43:44.000 A hundred years?

01:43:44.000 Yeah.

01:43:45.000 I mean, how long would it take for a planet to hit us?

01:43:47.000 I mean, like, I think they were saying that Uranus' year, like a year in Uranus is like hundreds of years.

01:43:53.000 I think it was 160. I don't remember what it was.

01:43:55.000 It was a bunch of years.

01:43:57.000 Their winter alone was like 60 plus years.

01:44:00.000 I think that's what they were saying.

01:44:03.000 How many...

01:44:03.000 You know, that's a long-ass time.

01:44:05.000 How many years would we be able to recognize if a planet was headed our way?

01:44:09.000 Like if there was an inter...

01:44:11.000 Like an inter-solar system intruder.

01:44:13.000 Like a planet that's in another solar system...

01:44:16.000 I think it seems like it would be faster.

01:44:18.000 It just seems like it would just happen faster for some reason.

01:44:21.000 Even though it probably isn't, you know?

01:44:23.000 But why would it seem like that if it takes a year for the Earth to go around the Sun, right?

01:44:27.000 Right.

01:44:28.000 Doesn't it?

01:44:28.000 Isn't that what the whole deal is?

01:44:29.000 Well, I mean, it's like...

01:44:31.000 The Earth spins in a day and goes around the sun in a year.

01:44:36.000 Right? 0.90

01:44:37.000 That's pretty goddamn close. 0.72

01:44:38.000 It takes us a year to go around. 0.99

01:44:40.000 If some shit was coming in from another planet, it wouldn't come that fast, would it? 0.97

01:44:44.000 Unless we're moving towards it as it's moving towards us. 1.00

01:44:47.000 Who the fuck knows? 0.97

01:44:47.000 The point is, that's happened. 0.97

01:44:49.000 That literally has happened to Earth.

01:44:51.000 There used to be Earth 1, which was just a different planet, and then it got hit by a planet, and that created the moon. 0.99

01:44:57.000 Fucking nuts, man. 0.98

01:44:58.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:44:59.000 That would end all the bullshit. 1.00

01:45:02.000 All the Tiger Woods, all the Jesse James, all the fucking healthcare and teabaggers and, you know, Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck. 1.00

01:45:10.000 All that shit would just stop if we saw a giant planet in the sky that got a little bigger every day. 1.00

01:45:17.000 Holy fuck. 1.00

01:45:19.000 Could you imagine... 1.00

01:45:20.000 It'd probably be pretty cool if it wasn't going to hit in your lifetime.

01:45:24.000 You know?

01:45:24.000 It'd probably be pretty sweet.

01:45:26.000 Like, look at the death moon coming. 0.99

01:45:27.000 It sucks to be you, son. 1.00

01:45:29.000 People would just die of heart attacks. 1.00

01:45:31.000 And then other people would just go raping and pillaging and murdering. 0.96

01:45:35.000 There would be... 0.95

01:45:35.000 A bunch of different things would happen. 0.95

01:45:37.000 There would be people that would live like just savages. 0.99

01:45:39.000 They would just commit all sorts of incredible atrocities and steal and do all kinds of other shit. 0.99

01:45:45.000 And then there'd be people that would just become total hippies. 0.99

01:45:48.000 Just have orgies and be more straight love. 0.98

01:45:51.000 That's probably what more people would probably do, I'd probably imagine. 0.92

01:45:52.000 Really?

01:45:53.000 Do you think so?

01:45:53.000 People would probably be like 9, 11 times a million just being sad.

01:45:57.000 There'd probably be so many specials on TV about it and songs. 1.00

01:46:01.000 Man, religion would pick up like a motherfucker. 1.00

01:46:04.000 Oh my God. 1.00

01:46:05.000 They would figure out some passage in the Bible that related to this and that they figured out a way to connect the two of them together. 0.99

01:46:12.000 God damn, that would be incredible. 0.98

01:46:16.000 That's so possible. 1.00

01:46:17.000 That's happened.

01:46:18.000 It's happened in other solar systems.

01:46:20.000 I'm sure it's happened here.

01:46:21.000 It could happen in our lifetime. 0.99

01:46:23.000 That would be fucking bonkers, man. 0.99

01:46:26.000 If we saw it like it was 10 years away. 0.99

01:46:28.000 Like we have a real issue.

01:46:29.000 Would they even tell us?

01:46:31.000 There would be rumors on the internet.

01:46:33.000 I don't think they would tell us.

01:46:34.000 I don't think anybody would talk about it. 0.99

01:46:37.000 Let's see what other questions we've got up in this bitch. 1.00

01:46:41.000 I think my cat just took a shit in there so it might smell. 1.00

01:46:44.000 Woohoo! 1.00

01:46:44.000 I heard a lot of scratching. 1.00

01:46:46.000 But you're a cat, man, anyway. 0.98

01:46:47.000 Hey, MayhemMiller12, when you say Joe is being a dick, I'm telling you, it's distracting to me, and it keeps me from being able to do this podcast well. 0.91

01:47:03.000 I asked him to not do it. 0.99

01:47:05.000 So, you're being a dick. 1.00

01:47:09.000 I wasted my question on religious bullshit. 1.00

01:47:11.000 Marbles are not dead. 1.00

01:47:12.000 Wow, the marble world is still huge, apparently.

01:47:18.000 Okay, let's go with the questions here.

01:47:21.000 What are the best substitute for the current monetary system?

01:47:24.000 This dude wants to know. 0.99

01:47:25.000 Who the fuck knows, right? 1.00

01:47:27.000 I don't think you can have shit out there in the fucking... 1.00

01:47:33.000 Numbers in computers, it's got to represent something, right? 1.00

01:47:37.000 The problem with money is it doesn't really represent anything.

01:47:41.000 It kind of represents more ideas than anything.

01:47:43.000 It's not like one piece of gold is $1 and that piece of gold is sitting in an account somewhere and you can go cash your $100 bill in for 100 pieces of gold.

01:47:55.000 It has to mean something.

01:47:57.000 You can't have just all numbers in computers. 1.00

01:48:00.000 Because people just can fuck you, you know? 0.99

01:48:02.000 Like, you've been going through, I don't know how much you want to talk about this, but you've been going through some bullshit with the IRS where they, you know, they audit you and fuck with you and go into your... 0.99

01:48:12.000 I mean, numbers and, like, storing numbers and how much numbers did you put on this and how many numbers went to that and... 0.97

01:48:19.000 It's politics to me.

01:48:20.000 Is it? 1.00

01:48:21.000 Yeah, my brain does not care about any of that shit. 1.00

01:48:25.000 But that's how I've always been with that. 0.99

01:48:26.000 Anything that I'm forced to do almost, I almost don't care about.

01:48:30.000 Yeah, well that's sort of one of the reasons why people sort of become artistic in the first place.

01:48:37.000 I think one of the reasons why people become artistic is because You know, you're fighting against a bunch of shit you don't like and you go against the grain and you wind up doing something that's totally unconventional.

01:48:48.000 You know, that's how people become musicians and comedians and artists and stuff.

01:48:52.000 On the side street, off the path.

01:48:55.000 Yeah, that's why it's so weird when, like, a comedian enters into the world of politics or something like that, like Al Franken.

01:49:02.000 Al Franken.

01:49:02.000 Yeah, that's strange.

01:49:03.000 But that dude is like a serious historian.

01:49:06.000 You know, like, that seems like it's sort of like a project for him. 1.00

01:49:08.000 Like, he really knows a lot of shit. 0.99

01:49:12.000 What about our kids? 1.00

01:49:13.000 I don't know.

01:49:14.000 What about our kids, man? 0.99

01:49:15.000 What the fuck is gonna happen? 0.99

01:49:17.000 What is gonna happen? 0.99

01:49:18.000 No one knows, man.

01:49:19.000 It's a strange world we live in.

01:49:21.000 It's a strange world.

01:49:23.000 That's the weirdest thing. 0.97

01:49:24.000 When you have kids, you start wondering, like, how is this little person gonna be How are they gonna be happy in this crazy world as it gets nuttier and nuttier and more goddamn earthquakes? 0.95

01:49:34.000 You know? 0.93

01:49:35.000 Earthquake in Baja, Mexico a couple days, big one in Indonesia today.

01:49:39.000 I mean, we're having earthquakes everywhere, dude.

01:49:41.000 It's getting really weird, right? 0.86

01:49:43.000 Yeah, it's like whoever opened up the treasure chest from Indiana Jones Raiders of the Lost Ark, you know, it seems like something fucked up happened.

01:49:50.000 I know, isn't it weird how many people want to think that it's because of, like, US government experiments that they're creating earthquakes? 0.68

01:49:57.000 Like, how nutty is that?

01:49:58.000 How nutty is that idea that the U.S. government is like, I know what we need to do.

01:50:02.000 We need to start causing earthquakes everywhere.

01:50:05.000 It's hilarious, though. 0.98

01:50:06.000 I mean, it's hilarious how many people want to believe nutty shit like that when it comes to anything that's happening. 0.97

01:50:11.000 They always want to find someone, some human who's pulling the strings in some gigantic diabolical scheme. 0.99

01:50:17.000 You know, a diabolical scheme with an earthquake machine. 0.96

01:50:20.000 They're just pointing it at all these third world countries and just fucking people up. 0.88

01:50:24.000 Like, how hilarious is that? 0.99

01:50:26.000 What a nutty-ass way to look at the world.

01:50:30.000 You know, I don't think that's what's happening. 0.96

01:50:32.000 I think that the Earth is getting very pissed off at us.

01:50:35.000 I think, you know, it's about time.

01:50:38.000 It's shaking us off, you know? 0.99

01:50:40.000 Not really consciously, but I think shit like this just happens, you know? 0.98

01:50:44.000 I mean, look at what's going on on the Moon. 0.98

01:50:46.000 There's craters all over the Moon and nobody ever did anything bad on the Moon.

01:50:50.000 The moon is just another little planet. 1.00

01:50:52.000 Shit happens. 1.00

01:50:53.000 Volcanoes erupt all over the world. 0.92

01:50:54.000 Earthquakes happen.

01:50:56.000 The topography of lifeless planets constantly changes.

01:51:00.000 It's going.

01:51:01.000 Is it...

01:51:03.000 That we're having more earthquakes right now, or it's just that we have Twitter?

01:51:07.000 Could be that, too.

01:51:08.000 Could be that.

01:51:09.000 I don't really know, to be honest with you.

01:51:11.000 All I know is what I'm hearing, that I'm hearing about them more than I ever heard about them before, but I've not looked at it at all.

01:51:18.000 I've done no research.

01:51:20.000 It does seem like we're hearing about it way more than we ever heard about it before.

01:51:24.000 Yeah, but we also have more information pumped through our eyeballs every day than we've ever had in our life.

01:51:29.000 Yeah.

01:51:30.000 Ten years ago, I would only have found out on my Laserdisc player.

01:51:34.000 Yeah.

01:51:36.000 Well, you know, you would have found out ten years ago if it was really big in the newspaper.

01:51:40.000 People would be blowing up my pager.

01:51:42.000 Yeah.

01:51:44.000 I found a page the other day that I used to have that my dog had bitten into. 0.99

01:51:47.000 It's all fucked up and jacked. 0.99

01:51:48.000 It was hilarious. 1.00

01:51:50.000 Yeah, I don't know, man.

01:51:51.000 You know, I got no answers to that.

01:51:53.000 I don't know if it's happening more or if there's more information.

01:51:56.000 But there's definitely more information.

01:51:57.000 That's for sure.

01:51:58.000 That's 100%.

01:51:59.000 Whether or not the earthquakes are happening more.

01:52:02.000 It just seems like they are, man.

01:52:04.000 Everybody's scared.

01:52:07.000 I'm about to lose a shitload of viewers' lost darts.

01:52:10.000 Well, you know what?

01:52:11.000 We're about at two hours anyway, and that's the way we like to end it.

01:52:14.000 So we'll have one more topic, try to end it well, and then we'll close it off.

01:52:19.000 Is it weird that you're so into conspiracies but hate movies that have a twist ending?

01:52:29.000 I don't hate movies that have a twist ending. 0.98

01:52:31.000 I love fucking movies with a good twisty ending that I didn't see coming. 0.96

01:52:34.000 What I don't like is when movies fake me out and they say, oh, it was just a dream. 0.99

01:52:40.000 That drives me bonkers.

01:52:41.000 And I'm not really into conspiracies.

01:52:43.000 I'm into the real conspiracy.

01:52:44.000 There's real things that people have conspired, like Enron and...

01:52:48.000 The problem with the whole term conspiracy theory is you bring it up.

01:52:52.000 Someone talks about conspiracy theories and they bring it up automatically.

01:52:56.000 Any rational person, any thinking person does not want to be associated with conspiracy theories. 0.88

01:53:02.000 Because conspiracy theories make you seem like a loon. 0.99

01:53:04.000 Conspiracy theories, the way it's been labeled, make it seem like you're a silly, frivolous person. 1.00

01:53:09.000 You believe in ridiculous shit. 1.00

01:53:11.000 You know? 1.00

01:53:12.000 Yeah, well I think if you just tag it with the conspiracy theory name, but I think if you don't believe the conspiracies but you think that's an interesting approach to an idea or something.

01:53:24.000 Like people that just think 9-11 was done by our own government and they don't think anything else and stuff like that, that's a sick way to think of anything.

01:53:32.000 You should never put all your eggs in one basket type thing.

01:53:35.000 Putting all your eggs in one basket is a real problem.

01:53:37.000 We've talked about that before with our friends with certain subjects.

01:53:41.000 People love for there to be mysteries that they can unsolve.

01:53:45.000 They love for there to be some hidden information that they can unsolve, whether it's about 9-11 or about anything. 0.99

01:53:51.000 But the reality is, unless you really, really, really research shit, most people are just talking out of their ass when it comes to these subjects. 0.99

01:54:01.000 And when you do start researching shit, you realize, well, you can't just blanketly discount Or discredit all conspiracy theories just because it seems like a ridiculous thing because a lot of them are fucking real. 0.99

01:54:14.000 The Gulf of Tonkin, the fucking Operation Northwoods. 0.99

01:54:17.000 There's a lot of different shit that the government has done and different companies have done. 0.99

01:54:21.000 Cigarette companies have conspired to hide the facts about tobacco and to make sure that people keep smoking them and people are addicted. 1.00

01:54:29.000 This motherfucker is hook, line, and sinker with the cigarettes. 1.00

01:54:31.000 You're locked in. 1.00

01:54:33.000 How many smoked today?

01:54:34.000 Three.

01:54:35.000 Does that drive you bonkers?

01:54:37.000 No, because it's relaxing when I smoke a cigarette.

01:54:40.000 But you don't worry about your health?

01:54:41.000 If every time I smoke a cigarette and my lips caught on fire, then I would hate it.

01:54:44.000 What about our friend that just died?

01:54:47.000 Stuff like that, thinking about your body just giving out on you that doesn't drive you nuts?

01:54:51.000 Well, I think it does to a point, definitely. 0.99

01:54:53.000 But I also think, shit, I might fucking have skin cancer right now and I don't even know about it. 0.99

01:54:59.000 It's just... 0.99

01:55:00.000 You either think about death all the time or you don't.

01:55:03.000 So the Red Band approach is just to live life casual and carefree.

01:55:07.000 Just live life, be a happy person.

01:55:09.000 And let everybody else fight your wars and do battle.

01:55:12.000 Just let everyone else stress the fuck out. 0.95

01:55:14.000 Let everyone stress the fuck out. 0.85

01:55:16.000 Do you ever worry about your, do you ever think rather about, not worry, but do you ever consider your position in this world?

01:55:21.000 Or do you just try to just live?

01:55:23.000 I don't think about anything like that at all.

01:55:26.000 So you don't think about life?

01:55:27.000 I think about my happiness, and that's pretty much what I think about.

01:55:30.000 Making sure that I'm happy and people are happy around me.

01:55:35.000 I just want to be a happy person.

01:55:37.000 And I want my friends to be happy. 0.99

01:55:39.000 But do I care about anything else, like fucking cancer or anything like that? 0.99

01:55:44.000 I try not to. 0.99

01:55:44.000 So when the stormtroopers come, you're just gonna pack a bag and run to the hills? 0.99

01:55:47.000 Fuck yeah. 1.00

01:55:50.000 I don't give a fuck about borders, like your own joke. 1.00

01:55:53.000 It's interesting, you know, because people can, you know, you can criticize that, you can say that's apathy, you know, like this discussion that we had on the board, but I don't think they're right. 0.98

01:56:00.000 I don't think they're right.

01:56:01.000 I think at a certain point in time, it is a foolish notion to try to control a corrupt system. 0.98

01:56:06.000 It's a foolish notion. 0.98

01:56:08.000 It really is. 0.99

01:56:08.000 I can see both sides of it. 0.99

01:56:10.000 I can see people saying, well, if everybody thought that way, there'd be no government, and it'd be, oh, this is bullshit, you know, you have to fucking stand up. 0.99

01:56:16.000 I can see that argument, but I can also see yours, man. 0.99

01:56:19.000 I see your argument.

01:56:20.000 I think you're right.

01:56:22.000 Ari has that same argument.

01:56:25.000 Ari says, why do I care? 0.87

01:56:26.000 It's not going to affect me.

01:56:27.000 Why do I care?

01:56:28.000 And in a certain way, it really doesn't.

01:56:31.000 But in a certain way, it does.

01:56:32.000 Like, social things.

01:56:33.000 Like, you know, Obama not going after the medical marijuana.

01:56:37.000 That makes a big difference to me.

01:56:38.000 You know, that's big to me.

01:56:40.000 Like, real state issues. 0.98

01:56:42.000 Like, legalizing medical marijuana in the state of California, that's something worth fucking voting for. 0.97

01:56:47.000 That was a huge thing. 0.98

01:56:48.000 That's real.

01:56:48.000 That's a real issue that got resolved, and it changed a lot of people's lives.

01:56:51.000 And it changed the whole climate of California.

01:56:54.000 People are way more relaxed.

01:56:56.000 People are way chiller.

01:56:58.000 You know, the access to weed is through the roof.

01:57:00.000 There's never been more access to weed in this country, ever, than right now.

01:57:04.000 That's a real issue that was resolved by voting.

01:57:07.000 So it's almost like state voting, voting on state issues like that where you can actually pick the issue. 1.00

01:57:11.000 Like, that's real shit. 1.00

01:57:13.000 That's real. 1.00

01:57:14.000 Local politics seem to be real.

01:57:16.000 This is the reason why California is so in debt. 1.00

01:57:19.000 We got an actor to be the fucking governor. 1.00

01:57:22.000 We went with a dude that seemed like he was a no-nonsense actor and we took this fucking dude who was an action film star and we made him the governor and shit just hit the fan. 1.00

01:57:31.000 Hit the fan running. 0.99

01:57:32.000 It's fascinating.

01:57:34.000 Because politics on a local level seem to be real. 0.89

01:57:38.000 But politics on a national level, yeah, it doesn't seem very fucking real. 0.89

01:57:44.000 The end. 0.71

01:57:45.000 That's the end of this podcast, ladies and gentlemen.

01:57:47.000 Brian's good for two hours.

01:57:48.000 That's good, yeah.

01:57:49.000 He starts fading.

01:57:51.000 He needs his coffee and a binky.

01:57:55.000 So, thank you very much for tuning in, ladies and gentlemen.

01:57:59.000 And don't you worry about me and Brian and our argument. 0.99

01:58:01.000 I love this little fucker. 1.00

01:58:03.000 And he loves me too. 1.00

01:58:05.000 We're just trying to make sure that the podcast goes well.

01:58:09.000 That's all it is.

01:58:10.000 There's no hate.

01:58:11.000 We've been friends for ages.

01:58:12.000 Thank you for everything.

01:58:14.000 We will see you guys next week.

01:58:16.000 I gotta go to Abu Dhabi this week for the UFC. That shit's gonna be crazy. 0.98

01:58:19.000 I've never been to the United Arab Emirates before, but it should be fascinating. 0.99

01:58:24.000 I'll have some pictures, and for sure I'll have some stories, definitely. 0.96

01:58:26.000 And I'll see you bitches next week. 1.00

01:58:28.000 So thank you very much for tuning in. 0.99

01:58:31.000 Follow us on Twitter.

01:58:33.000 Brian only has a few thousand Twitter followers, and he's very, very upset about that.

01:58:37.000 He's at RedBan, R-E-B-B-A-N. He's very upset about your Twitter followers.

01:58:44.000 I'm so upset.

01:58:44.000 How many do you have right now?

01:58:45.000 Actually, I just got like a hundred recently.

01:58:47.000 I don't know if it's because of the DVD or what.

01:58:49.000 Oh, is it on the DVD as well?

01:58:51.000 Well, my website's on the DVD or my name right now. 0.98

01:58:54.000 Oh, there you go, bitches. 1.00

01:58:55.000 Maybe it is because of that. 0.99

01:58:57.000 So right now, Brian is at, let's see.

01:59:00.000 I think it's like 1,500.

01:59:01.000 I think I just went today.

01:59:03.000 I'm so close to 103,000.

01:59:05.000 I'm so close.

01:59:07.000 I'm like 65 away.

01:59:08.000 It's hard to get new Twitter followers, man.

01:59:10.000 You know?

01:59:11.000 It's like, I don't know exactly what you do. 0.99

01:59:13.000 You've got to mention it everywhere and you've got to tweet a lot of interesting shit. 0.95

01:59:16.000 But once you do, man, it's so important. 0.99

01:59:18.000 Like, for promoting gigs and for letting people know, like, shit you're doing. 0.84

01:59:23.000 Like, hey, I'm going to be in this town. 0.96

01:59:24.000 Like, this is the best way for people to find out what you're doing.

01:59:27.000 You know?

01:59:27.000 There's no better way to promote things.

01:59:29.000 You know?

01:59:30.000 And who knows what the next stage of that is.

01:59:31.000 Easily consumable.

01:59:33.000 Easily consumable.

01:59:34.000 Ladies and gentlemen, this is easily consumable.

01:59:36.000 Hope you enjoy this. 0.73

01:59:37.000 This is the end of this week's Ustream podcast and we will see you bitches next week. 1.00

01:59:42.000 Thank you. 0.90

01:59:42.000 Love you. 0.90

The Joe Rogan Experience - April 07, 2010

Joe Rogan Experience #15 - Brian Redban

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