The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #150 - Bryan Callen (Part One)

00:00:04.000 The Joe Rogan Experience Podcast is brought to you by The Fleshlight.

00:00:07.000 If you go to JoeRogan.net and click on the link for The Fleshlight and you enter in the code name ROGAN and you can get 15% off and masturbate at a discount. 0.98

00:00:17.000 And we're also brought to you by Onnit Labs, creators of Alpha Brain and New Mood, cognitive enhancers, vitamins for your dome, bitches. 1.00

00:00:28.000 Get it together. 0.96

00:00:29.000 If you think it costs too much, please duplicate the formula.

00:00:32.000 We don't mind.

00:00:32.000 We just want you to use it.

00:00:33.000 It's good shit. 0.98

00:00:35.000 Go to JoeRogan.net and click on the link for Onnit and enter in the code name ROGAN. You get 10% off that too. 0.99

00:00:40.000 Brian Callen's in the house. 1.00

00:00:41.000 You dirty freaks. 1.00

00:00:44.000 We're ready to get shit cracking. 1.00

00:00:45.000 We're going to break it down. - Yeah. 0.99

00:00:55.000 It's all gonna make sense today.

00:00:57.000 Brian Cowden's here.

00:00:59.000 My brother.

00:01:00.000 My brother.

00:01:00.000 Happy to be here.

00:01:01.000 Always good to see you, my friend.

00:01:03.000 Excited.

00:01:03.000 Thank you to whoever gave me this this weekend at the Ice House.

00:01:06.000 Some dude gave me Hunter S. Thompson's The Rum Diary, a nice paperback.

00:01:11.000 I just wanted to thank that guy.

00:01:12.000 Did his share of drugs.

00:01:14.000 Yeah, you think?

00:01:14.000 His share of psychedelics.

00:01:16.000 Have you done your share yet?

00:01:17.000 No.

00:01:18.000 Not yet.

00:01:18.000 Just mushrooms.

00:01:19.000 I took a four hour shower on mushrooms once.

00:01:21.000 Nice.

00:01:22.000 And then I was hiking in Big Whiskey Mountain on mushrooms with my buddy.

00:01:25.000 We decided to take a back route, which you never do.

00:01:27.000 I was climbing up a landslide.

00:01:28.000 That's smart.

00:01:29.000 And I was like to my buddy, I go, dude!

00:01:30.000 He goes, what?

00:01:31.000 I go, you got to move with the mountain.

00:01:32.000 You're not moving with the mountain.

00:01:34.000 And he's like, okay, he's a real mountain man.

00:01:36.000 So he's climbing.

00:01:37.000 I go, still not moving with the mountain.

00:01:38.000 Okay, I'm going to stay here and talk to this rock.

00:01:40.000 And I had to have a conversation with the rock.

00:01:41.000 And then...

00:01:42.000 As he tells it, we're on top of Whiskey Mountain, which is a very big mountain, okay?

00:01:47.000 Luckily, it was in the summer.

00:01:48.000 I was dating Patty back in the day, and they were waiting downstairs.

00:01:52.000 And he turns back around, and I'm not wearing any clothes.

00:01:56.000 And I mean no clothes.

00:01:58.000 And I'm on top of a mountain that takes a really long time to climb up, and I'm naked.

00:02:03.000 What'd you do with the clothes?

00:02:04.000 We never found my clothes.

00:02:05.000 Oh no!

00:02:06.000 But I did stop and eat a lot of blueberries.

00:02:08.000 Oh no!

00:02:09.000 Oh yeah!

00:02:10.000 And by the time we... 0.99

00:02:11.000 I also took a shit squatting and then as I was doing that naked, my buddy moved some branches pretending it was a bear and jumped up and started to run and that caused a problem. 0.98

00:02:22.000 And then I came back down the mountain, all scratched up, no clothes, and I kept stopping to eat blueberries. 0.99

00:02:29.000 My buddy was like, stop eating blueberries! 1.00

00:02:30.000 I had a blue mouth, a shit ass. 1.00

00:02:32.000 You walked barefoot down a mountain. 1.00

00:02:35.000 That's right.

00:02:35.000 My feet were all cut up.

00:02:36.000 How long did it take?

00:02:38.000 I don't know, a day.

00:02:40.000 Like a full day of walking?

00:02:41.000 Literally probably four hours or something like that.

00:02:44.000 Did you sober up at any point during the walk?

00:02:47.000 Yeah.

00:02:47.000 When I finally got down, I had a blue mouth from eating blueberries, and I was all cut up, and Patty was like, what are you doing?

00:02:53.000 I was like, I need to dip my ass in the lake. 1.00

00:02:55.000 I have shit ass. 1.00

00:02:56.000 Because I couldn't wipe it. 1.00

00:02:59.000 So yet another one of my shit stories, thank you. 0.99

00:03:03.000 So she was like, wow, that's attractive. 1.00

00:03:05.000 You're my man. 1.00

00:03:06.000 I'll take the skinny guy with the blue mouth and the shit in his ass. 1.00

00:03:10.000 Who's coming down off mushrooms. 1.00

00:03:11.000 So that was my experience with mushrooms.

00:03:13.000 How much did you take?

00:03:15.000 Dude, my buddy gave me just a handful, just a big handful.

00:03:20.000 He goes, eat them.

00:03:20.000 I was like, okay, I want to have an experience.

00:03:25.000 You got to eat them in an empty stomach.

00:03:26.000 I haven't eaten, of course.

00:03:27.000 That's really good.

00:03:28.000 And we're climbing, man.

00:03:29.000 And I just started literally just hallucinating.

00:03:32.000 You're better off that you didn't eat anything.

00:03:34.000 If you had eaten at something, you'd probably throw it up really bad.

00:03:36.000 I took a shower one time.

00:03:37.000 I wouldn't get out of the shower.

00:03:39.000 Patty was banging on the door.

00:03:40.000 I was like, I'll be there.

00:03:41.000 I'm trying to figure something out.

00:03:42.000 And then, no, it's hard to explain, but I believe I kept seeing my profile. 0.99

00:03:47.000 And the first thing I was like is I kept saying, oh, fuck, I wish I was barrel-chested. 0.99

00:03:50.000 I'm not barrel-chested. 0.99

00:03:51.000 My grandfather's barrel-chested.

00:03:53.000 I'm not barrel-chested.

00:03:54.000 I have a sunken chest. 0.99

00:03:55.000 This is horseshit. 0.99

00:03:56.000 And I was like, that's a terrible profile. 0.99

00:03:59.000 So then I resolved, I resolved while I was in the shower to just spend the entire summer on a bench press.

00:04:05.000 I was going to hire a coach just to bench, which never happened.

00:04:09.000 And then I came out of the shower.

00:04:11.000 And then I had this experience of somebody standing, like, watching me and judging me.

00:04:15.000 And I felt like it was the devil telling me that I was a phony.

00:04:18.000 So I was like, I'm a phony! 0.99

00:04:19.000 I'm a skinny phony! 0.96

00:04:20.000 Why did you think it was the devil? 1.00

00:04:21.000 I don't fucking know. 0.98

00:04:22.000 I just felt like that's what it was. 0.98

00:04:25.000 Because it was so mean?

00:04:26.000 It was just the truth and so mean.

00:04:27.000 I was so raw.

00:04:28.000 It was probably really God.

00:04:30.000 Maybe it was.

00:04:32.000 Maybe it was.

00:04:33.000 It just felt like the devil because he didn't want to admit the truth.

00:04:37.000 Exactly.

00:04:37.000 That's what the bad trips are.

00:04:39.000 That is, bro.

00:04:40.000 I can always tell with people.

00:04:42.000 You can just see.

00:04:42.000 It's so interesting to watch how people, like I was thinking about this the other day, how people basically as adults, like I would call it adulthood and what they call maturity is the slow acceptance of what you will never be.

00:04:57.000 That's kind of what it is.

00:04:58.000 So what happens is you see little girls dressed like princesses, right?

00:05:02.000 And that's their ideal.

00:05:04.000 They grow up with these ideals.

00:05:05.000 We stick these ideals in children.

00:05:07.000 Like, you're going to marry a prince, and he's going to be Prince Charming. 1.00

00:05:10.000 And that shit gets whittled away. 0.99

00:05:12.000 You start settling for simulation and simulation. 1.00

00:05:15.000 It's basically your life becomes, I'll take what I can get.

00:05:18.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:05:18.000 And until finally you're dating some guy with hair in his ears and a pot belly, well, at least he pays the fucking bills, which is what I like to get them, by the way. 0.99

00:05:25.000 I like to get them when they're just going through a divorce, had their heart broken two, three hundred times, they're 40, they work out way too much. 0.99

00:05:31.000 That anger and frustration is combined into this fucking, what creates like a freaky that I can really work with in a hotel room. 0.98

00:05:40.000 The 39-year-old crazy ones starving for attention. 1.00

00:05:43.000 Is that what you like? 0.94

00:05:44.000 Really?

00:05:44.000 Yes.

00:05:45.000 Yes, look at my ass. 1.00

00:05:46.000 I work out all the time. 1.00

00:05:48.000 That's fantastic.

00:05:50.000 I like them old!

00:05:52.000 Not even old.

00:05:53.000 Old.

00:05:54.000 That's young for me.

00:05:56.000 So, um, you're coming down the hill.

00:05:58.000 You're totally naked.

00:06:00.000 You're high as a kite on mushrooms.

00:06:01.000 Do you at any point realize, like, are you starting to sober up at any point in time?

00:06:06.000 Like, what's happening as you're sobering up?

00:06:08.000 What was happening as I was sobering up, and because I'm such a freak, is I had read a lot about how when you can be on a mountain in the summer, a winter storm can brew up.

00:06:17.000 Right?

00:06:18.000 They can whip up.

00:06:19.000 You can get caught in hailstorms.

00:06:21.000 You can freeze to death, actually, sometimes.

00:06:23.000 And so I was like, I gotta get the...

00:06:27.000 And I'd read about K2. And I don't know if you ever read about climbing K2. It's one thing to climb Mount Everest.

00:06:33.000 It's quite another thing to climb K2. Really?

00:06:36.000 I believe there's only one side of K2 one can climb.

00:06:39.000 And for a while, I believe, and you can check this on Fact Check, one in four people wouldn't make it on K2. People died all the time because storms— One in four people wouldn't make it, like wouldn't survive?

00:06:51.000 Can you do Fact Check?

00:06:52.000 Because I believe that was the case for quite a while.

00:06:54.000 Jesus Christ. 0.99

00:06:55.000 And so what happened was, it was the holy grail of mountains still is, because what happens is storms whip up really fucking fast, like really fast, and you die. 0.97

00:07:07.000 Yeah. 0.98

00:07:07.000 So what happened was I started thinking a storm might whip up and I suck in the cold. 0.98

00:07:13.000 Whoa. 0.86

00:07:14.000 What does it say on Fact Check?

00:07:16.000 It's just talking about there's been a bunch of disasters up there.

00:07:20.000 Oh, a lot of people have died on K2. Yeah.

00:07:22.000 You don't climb K2. Very few people climb.

00:07:25.000 When you meet a mountain climber and they say, I got to the top of K2, that dude is on the all-star team.

00:07:31.000 Wow.

00:07:31.000 That's a very rare dude.

00:07:33.000 And you have to go through Pakistan, I think, on the Pakistan side.

00:07:36.000 What?

00:07:37.000 Yeah.

00:07:38.000 No bodies.

00:07:39.000 And you pass bodies all the time.

00:07:40.000 You know what's hilarious?

00:07:41.000 The United States just got word from Afghanistan that if we go to war with Pakistan, Afghanistan is on Pakistan's side.

00:07:47.000 What a surprise!

00:07:49.000 But how hilarious is that? 1.00

00:07:50.000 Out of all the fucking, all the bullshit propaganda pretending that we're helping those people. 0.99

00:07:56.000 Come on, we're on your side! 1.00

00:07:57.000 We're bribing!

00:07:58.000 Listen, we're extracting minerals, blah, blah, blah, taking heroin, but we're here for you! 0.99

00:08:03.000 We're bribing fucking entire tribes to have loyalty to, like, Kabul. 0.97

00:08:07.000 Well, do you know how they're getting information on these guys? 0.98

00:08:09.000 You know the number one method for these warlords?

00:08:11.000 No.

00:08:12.000 Viagra.

00:08:13.000 Oh, that's right.

00:08:14.000 I read about that.

00:08:15.000 That's right.

00:08:16.000 Hey, hey, hey, I know you have all these loyalties.

00:08:18.000 You want a hard-on for a long time?

00:08:21.000 Of course I do. 1.00

00:08:22.000 Yeah, well, these guys, these warlords, they start hitting 50 and 60, and you're fucking herding goats all day. 0.99

00:08:28.000 You're tired, man. 0.99

00:08:29.000 You can't take to those 20 wives that you've accumulated. 0.74

00:08:31.000 You got cocky when you were young.

00:08:33.000 And when you're young, you're young.

00:08:34.000 My blood is hot. 1.00

00:08:35.000 You can have 10 fucking wives. 1.00

00:08:37.000 But then when you're a 60-year-old man, you've got to fuck 10 of these bitches. 1.00

00:08:40.000 They start talking shit, too. 1.00

00:08:42.000 The limit is actually four in Islam. 1.00

00:08:44.000 Really?

00:08:44.000 And you have to treat all of them exactly the same.

00:08:46.000 So if they had four, though, and one of them was getting all the dick... 0.99

00:08:49.000 That's what happens. 0.99

00:08:50.000 You know, and the other ones start complaining.

00:08:51.000 It's the craziest thing because I've never met two women, two women, forget like four women. 0.76

00:08:56.000 That could get along like that.

00:08:57.000 Forget what?

00:08:58.000 Hey, girls, here's the good news.

00:08:59.000 I'm marrying you.

00:09:00.000 Bad news, we're all going to share the same roof. 1.00

00:09:02.000 Good fucking luck. 1.00

00:09:03.000 How are they doing it in the Mormon communities, all these crazy Mormon cults? 1.00

00:09:06.000 They don't. 0.89

00:09:07.000 It's always been very small subsets. 1.00

00:09:08.000 And if you look at who those cult leaders are, they're basically closet perverts, sociopaths, pedophiles, scumbags. 1.00

00:09:17.000 That guy Warren Jefferson was a pedophile. 1.00

00:09:18.000 You're totally right. 0.92

00:09:19.000 And that is sort of part of the case, right? 0.99

00:09:22.000 They always find out that these guys are marrying these girls at like 14 and shit. 0.99

00:09:25.000 Oh my god, man. 0.99

00:09:26.000 They keep finding that out.

00:09:27.000 Younger, younger.

00:09:28.000 Really?

00:09:30.000 Nice guys.

00:09:31.000 Yeah, it's just weird, man.

00:09:32.000 A weird offshoot.

00:09:34.000 It's just so strange that some people vibrate on a frequency that low. 0.98

00:09:38.000 They're bullshit detectors that weak that they get sucked into that kind of a community. 0.76

00:09:42.000 I think it's perspective and context. 0.98

00:09:44.000 I mean, when you get somebody who's young and they've never been told anything different.

00:09:48.000 You look at children.

00:09:49.000 We're people.

00:09:50.000 You are what's put inside you. 0.99

00:09:54.000 That's why I always tell young people, fucking read, but read the right things. 1.00

00:09:57.000 And what you don't know is going to hurt you. 0.99

00:09:59.000 You've got to read.

00:10:00.000 You've just got to.

00:10:02.000 Yeah.

00:10:02.000 Have you seen Zeitgeist moving forward?

00:10:05.000 No.

00:10:06.000 I haven't either.

00:10:06.000 I haven't watched the whole thing, but I watched a chunk of it.

00:10:09.000 People are just constantly trying to get me to see this thing.

00:10:11.000 It's one of those things where people email me once a day.

00:10:14.000 Dude, have you seen Zeitgeist moving forward?

00:10:15.000 I'm like, "All right." I saw the first Zeitgeist, and although I thought it was very moving, I also thought there was some stuff on 9/11 that I was like, "This is...

00:10:26.000 You're just...

00:10:27.000 You know, there was stuff about the Twin Towers.

00:10:30.000 Like, they couldn't have possibly fallen like that." And I'm like, "Listen, man, this is not real science.

00:10:35.000 You don't know what the fuck you're talking about. 0.99

00:10:37.000 To say this, to state that for sure that happened, I think is crazy. 1.00

00:10:41.000 Here's the only way to find out. 0.99

00:10:43.000 Build the same fucking thing, have another fucking plane fly into it, let's see if it falls down again. 1.00

00:10:47.000 If it does, ooh, you just fucked up. 1.00

00:10:50.000 If you actually want a really good debunking of that, Popular Mechanics got together a A whole bunch of mechanical engineering science called Debunking the 9-1-1 Myths. 0.97

00:11:00.000 And they talk about, for example, how jet fuel burns at a certain temperature.

00:11:04.000 And I believe it's 1600 degrees.

00:11:07.000 Iron melts at 900 degrees, especially that kind of iron.

00:11:09.000 So it made sense that the iron would start to melt and the building would crumble.

00:11:13.000 But they had a whole bunch of different...

00:11:14.000 They actually took each...

00:11:15.000 And it's a really interesting...

00:11:17.000 Well, it gets annoying when you read the arguments against it because some of the information that people pull out is just flat out wrong.

00:11:23.000 Like they're talking about how there's cuts to the beams.

00:11:27.000 And you want to say, look, folks, they cut the beams when they needed to break everything down because they were clearing out the area.

00:11:33.000 There's a lot of photographs of that, man.

00:11:34.000 Exactly. 0.98

00:11:35.000 You know, there's no evidence that they cut the beams to bring the fucking building down. 0.98

00:11:40.000 It seems to me a lot easier to believe that a group of young men who are fanatics said, you know what, let's fly planes into a building. 0.98

00:11:51.000 That seems more than some huge and massive government conspiracy.

00:11:54.000 Think how many people would have to keep their mouth shut to get something like that going.

00:11:57.000 Not just that, but that that's the only way a building like that can fall. 0.96

00:12:02.000 I really don't think that they have a lot of data on what the fuck happens to skyscrapers and they get hit by giant jet planes.

00:12:10.000 I was going to say, I didn't know you got your degree in mechanical engineering, my friend.

00:12:13.000 That's exactly, every time I hear somebody, people are full of medical advice as well.

00:12:16.000 I love this.

00:12:17.000 If you read a lot of stuff, for example, what people will tell you, there's a good TED lecture by this epidemiologist who's a scientist and actually does science, does the science on, for example, when they said that a glass of red wine a day can help you prevent breast cancer.

00:12:32.000 The problem with that statement that you read in the New York Times and everywhere else is that the actual experiment was they had cancer cells in a Petri dish.

00:12:41.000 They dropped red grape extract onto the cancer cells.

00:12:45.000 Those cancer cells died.

00:12:47.000 That's it?

00:12:47.000 Yeah, you don't infer for that.

00:12:49.000 Well, it's resveratrol is what it is.

00:12:50.000 Yeah, well, resveratrol, right.

00:12:53.000 I take it every day.

00:12:55.000 But that doesn't mean you infer then that a glass of wine is going to prevent...

00:12:59.000 Is that really how they came to that conclusion?

00:13:01.000 And there are different kinds of breast cancer, by the way, and cancer itself is an umbrella term for essentially the irregular division of cells, all different kinds of cancer.

00:13:10.000 We don't know why some kick on, some happen when you're a child, others when you're an adult.

00:13:14.000 There are different theories about it.

00:13:16.000 Some are environmental, some are genetic.

00:13:19.000 So, you know, and by the way...

00:13:22.000 When people say you've got to build your immune system and if you drink this, it'll prevent cancer.

00:13:26.000 In fact, I was reading that some cancers don't actually grow as a result of a stronger immune system because they are aligned with your immune system.

00:13:37.000 When your immune system is strong for whatever reason and cells start dividing in a healthy way, the unhealthy cells do as well.

00:13:45.000 So they're depending on the cancer.

00:13:47.000 Which is why they use chemotherapy.

00:13:49.000 It poisons your whole body and kills off the cancer cells right before it kills off you.

00:13:53.000 That's right.

00:13:54.000 And now remember, some cancers...

00:13:56.000 Counterintuitive to the holistic approach of super healthy greens and stuff like that.

00:14:00.000 And you want to be healthy.

00:14:01.000 I take all that stuff.

00:14:02.000 I do that.

00:14:03.000 But yeah, don't forget what Western science has given us.

00:14:06.000 Look, up until the 1970s, the late 70s, I believe...

00:14:10.000 Testicular cancer killed many young men.

00:14:12.000 When you had testicular cancer, you were done.

00:14:15.000 But because they came up with a chemotherapy that uses platinum… Was it called the scissors?

00:14:21.000 Yeah, right?

00:14:22.000 That's what they used to do.

00:14:23.000 But you had things called… There's a platinum compound in the chemotherapy.

00:14:30.000 It has made testicular cancer highly curable.

00:14:34.000 Yeah.

00:14:34.000 Wow.

00:14:35.000 Almost always when you get testicular cancer, young men live now. 0.97

00:14:39.000 They take chemo, they're sick for a little bit, and then it just goes away and it's curative.

00:14:44.000 So, you know, you've got to be careful.

00:14:45.000 You're right.

00:14:46.000 People have a lot of information, and if you actually start scratching the surface and asking them questions, it's like, dude, you don't...

00:14:52.000 Where are you getting your information?

00:14:54.000 Do you know the genealogy of your idea?

00:14:56.000 Did you study?

00:14:57.000 Do you know where this is coming from?

00:14:59.000 Too many people are just too quick to just grab a hold of a yes or a no or this side or that side.

00:15:03.000 You've got to look at the whole thing.

00:15:04.000 The only thing that puzzles me about September 11th is that Tower 7 building.

00:15:10.000 And there's a lot of debate on that.

00:15:12.000 That's the one that the architects and engineers from 9-11 Truth have a problem with.

00:15:16.000 They don't know why that building collapsed like that.

00:15:17.000 And it looks like a controlled demolition.

00:15:19.000 It's really weird because I've seen a bunch of them.

00:15:21.000 It's very interesting because I've never seen a building fall into its base like that, like give out in uniform and come down a straight line.

00:15:28.000 But it doesn't mean that it can't happen.

00:15:30.000 You've got to be real careful about that.

00:15:33.000 It looks like a controlled demolition, and you hear that this Larry Silverstein guy had all this money invested in it, and if the buildings went down, he made billions of dollars.

00:15:41.000 You hear all this craziness online, but the real reality is, again, we don't know how a building like that performs until something like that happens.

00:15:50.000 You've got to light it on fire.

00:15:52.000 You've got to make big holes in it. 0.91

00:15:54.000 Yeah.

00:15:54.000 And the other thing is nobody ever realizes that these are people, right?

00:15:57.000 So if you look at like – if you read like Bob Woodward's The War Room or you look at how like governments, the CIA, this defense intelligence, the National Security Agency, the White House, if there's a crisis, it's really interesting to see.

00:16:11.000 And if you look at these memoirs now that are coming out about the Bush era, it's really interesting to see how they do arrive at – At conclusions and decisions to take action. 0.96

00:16:21.000 It's fucking heated in those rooms. 0.68

00:16:25.000 And like human beings, everybody's got a different point of view. 0.99

00:16:28.000 Everybody has their own group of people they control.

00:16:31.000 And it comes down ultimately, everybody presents their case to the president, biting their lip, having testy arguments.

00:16:38.000 Not talking to each other, threatening to resign, like Condoleezza Rice did with Donald Rumsfeld, because she just didn't get along with him.

00:16:44.000 She thought he was condescending, etc.

00:16:45.000 And the president finally has to be like, guys, guys, can you, hey, let's not, stop fighting.

00:16:51.000 I'm the one who makes the decision, ultimately, present your ideas.

00:16:54.000 That, to me, is way scarier.

00:16:55.000 The idea that we actually let a guy like Bush really be president, to me, is way scarier than the idea that there's some massive conspiracy amongst globalists to control all the world's resources.

00:17:06.000 The fact that a guy really could be president, but they really don't have it locked down.

00:17:10.000 Totally tight.

00:17:11.000 It's true.

00:17:12.000 No, it's not.

00:17:13.000 Bush didn't have a lot of wisdom.

00:17:15.000 He didn't have to.

00:17:16.000 He was there. 0.98

00:17:17.000 He's a puppet. 1.00

00:17:17.000 They obviously had Dick Cheney, and Dick Cheney was the guy who was the fucking CEO of Halliburton, a company that made untold billions of dollars reconstructing countries after we blow them the fuck up. 1.00

00:17:28.000 It's not a coincidence that this guy would be really fascinated with going to war. 0.98

00:17:33.000 I mean, he owned stock. 0.99

00:17:35.000 The president, President Bush, was a fucking character on a sitcom for us. 0.99

00:17:39.000 He was a guy that spoke for us. 0.99

00:17:41.000 Condoleezza Rice had a huge falling out with Dick Cheney and a huge, huge argument about the fact that the guy believed in essentially extraordinary.

00:17:49.000 I think it's called extraordinary rendition where we would kidnap people, kidnap people and take them to undisclosed locations.

00:17:58.000 Usually a country that didn't object to torture and and put them in these detention cells, these CIA prisons.

00:18:04.000 And she was like, you can't just disappear people.

00:18:07.000 You can't do that.

00:18:08.000 You can't take somebody off the streets of Italy and bring them to Turkey. 0.71

00:18:12.000 There's certain people that have an unquestionable character.

00:18:14.000 There's certain people you hear them talk and you say, that's a man of character.

00:18:19.000 That's a man of intelligence.

00:18:20.000 That's a man of experience.

00:18:21.000 Yeah.

00:18:22.000 Colin Powell is one of those people.

00:18:23.000 Yes, he was.

00:18:24.000 I hear that guy talk, and I go, that guy's legit.

00:18:26.000 That's the real deal.

00:18:27.000 He was also against the Iraq War.

00:18:28.000 Yes, he was.

00:18:28.000 And he was the only guy who did any time in uniform.

00:18:31.000 Yes, and he was also disenchanted with the entire administration, and it didn't really work out for him.

00:18:37.000 Everybody was real excited when he joined the Bush administration.

00:18:40.000 But, you know, there's a guy that really is a real American hero. 0.99

00:18:44.000 He's the real fucking deal. 0.98

00:18:46.000 That's right. 1.00

00:18:47.000 And he's with all these jackasses and war criminals and fucking thieves. 1.00

00:18:51.000 And he has to sit there and watch them pillage. 1.00

00:18:55.000 Yeah.

00:18:55.000 Just pillage the world.

00:18:57.000 Those motherfuckers. 1.00

00:18:59.000 Well, um... 1.00

00:19:01.000 You got a little too serious there, folks.

00:19:04.000 But I think that it's worth being serious about.

00:19:06.000 It is.

00:19:07.000 It is, but it isn't, because it's not helping anything.

00:19:10.000 It's like I have a joke about Occupy Wall Street, and I totally support the movement, but the joke is that those hippies are just going to start living there now.

00:19:16.000 What's going to happen is you're going to go there, everyone's just going to be shit all over the street, and you're going to have to just drive through that on the way to work. 0.94

00:19:21.000 Hey, man, what you doing's wrong, man! 0.96

00:19:24.000 Nothing ever changes, ever.

00:19:25.000 Well, that's the thing.

00:19:26.000 I was talking to Neil Brennan was kind of like giving me a hard time for not...

00:19:30.000 I disagree with him on a lot of things, but I respect Neil because he works very hard at earning an opinion, developing an opinion.

00:19:37.000 Yeah, he does.

00:19:38.000 Very smart guy.

00:19:38.000 I think we're on different sides of the equation, but Neil was saying you should be down there protesting.

00:19:45.000 And my problem with the protest movement, the Occupy Wall Street movement, is that...

00:19:50.000 I don't know that that's the only group to blame.

00:19:54.000 There are a lot of groups to blame.

00:19:55.000 The government, Wall Street, regular consumers who are buying houses knowing they couldn't afford them.

00:20:01.000 Nobody ever talks about that.

00:20:03.000 And so when you occupy Wall Street, what you're really talking about, Wall Street, of course, just a euphemism or just kind of a name for a very amorphous group of people because what you're talking about when you talk about Wall Street is the investment community.

00:20:16.000 That's what you're talking about.

00:20:17.000 Now, do you want to protest the investment community?

00:20:19.000 If so, let me ask some questions.

00:20:22.000 What aspect of the investment community?

00:20:24.000 Because I would remind everybody, they pay a lot in taxes.

00:20:27.000 They also produce a lot of wealth.

00:20:29.000 You wouldn't have startup companies without venture capital, for example.

00:20:32.000 You want to start taxing the capital gains tax?

00:20:37.000 See what happens to your venture capital.

00:20:39.000 See what happens to capital that is invested in businesses.

00:20:42.000 So I don't know the answers.

00:20:43.000 These are complicated issues.

00:20:45.000 And you start following that thread and start saying, well, let's occupy Wall Street.

00:20:49.000 Okay, okay. 1.00

00:20:50.000 There are some unscrupulous assholes on Wall Street. 1.00

00:20:52.000 There's no doubt. 1.00

00:20:53.000 There's no doubt.

00:20:54.000 But what are we going to do about it?

00:20:56.000 I believe, personally, That you had an incentive structure in place, an incentive structure, and a system with holes in it where smart people got together and said, hey, you know what?

00:21:08.000 I got to tell you, there are some very big legal loopholes here and we can make a lot of money.

00:21:15.000 You know why?

00:21:16.000 Because three other houses down the way are making a shitload of money.

00:21:19.000 So what are we doing, guys?

00:21:21.000 Because we're not going to be able to compete.

00:21:22.000 Here's another thing. 0.99

00:21:23.000 We may be out of a fucking job if we don't do this. 0.98

00:21:26.000 So when you're in that and you start to realize it, it's really an interesting development where you go, gee, what would I do in that situation as well? 0.99

00:21:34.000 It was so fucking murky.

00:21:36.000 And it seems to me what you want to fix is the incentive structure. 0.98

00:21:39.000 You want to go back to nuts and bolts.

00:21:44.000 Nuts and bolts.

00:21:44.000 What are you producing?

00:21:45.000 What is the bottom line?

00:21:47.000 How do you produce wealth?

00:21:48.000 What has produced wealth in the past?

00:21:51.000 Too many people are making money off just making money and moving money around.

00:21:55.000 Passing risk along.

00:21:56.000 Yeah.

00:21:56.000 Passing risk along.

00:21:58.000 Even much bigger than the actual size of the actual economy is the size of the derivatives, right?

00:22:03.000 Yes.

00:22:04.000 And there's a very good book that I'm about to read and I had two very big bankers who were in this and had lived through it and saw every bit, every detail.

00:22:14.000 And they said the book to read is The Big Short by Michael Lewis.

00:22:16.000 He wrote Liar's Poker.

00:22:18.000 I would like to read that.

00:22:19.000 It's called The Big Short.

00:22:19.000 Let me write that down because I need to really...

00:22:22.000 For anybody, it'll explain the genesis.

00:22:24.000 And this guy is not...

00:22:26.000 The Big Short.

00:22:27.000 He doesn't have a grind to axe here.

00:22:29.000 He is a journalist who is an outstanding first-class writer.

00:22:32.000 I read Liar's Poker.

00:22:33.000 He's a great writer.

00:22:34.000 I believe it's Michael Lewis is his name.

00:22:36.000 I might be wrong with the first name.

00:22:37.000 But the point is that he wrote The Big Short.

00:22:39.000 And that is renowned. 0.98

00:22:40.000 That is widely respected as the book and sort of the Bible on how this shit happened and what happened and essentially who's to blame himself. 0.97

00:22:48.000 But you start going into that blame game, it's really interesting. 0.88

00:22:51.000 It's really fucking interesting because there are a lot of people, and they're not just Republicans, they're not just libertarians, a lot of people can make a very strong case for things like the Equal Housing Lending Act, the kinds of laws that came out of government because it was very popular on the Republican and Democratic side to say, hey, I'm going to pass legislation that makes it easy for everyone to own a house.

00:23:15.000 That's the American way. 0.80

00:23:16.000 That's the American dream.

00:23:18.000 They did a study.

00:23:20.000 Listen to this.

00:23:21.000 It's really interesting.

00:23:22.000 The Federal Reserve Bank of Boston did a study.

00:23:25.000 They found that even if you're qualified for a loan, if you're a minority, if you're black or a Latino, and even if you're just as qualified as a white person, you're four times as likely to be turned down, turned down for that loan.

00:23:36.000 So if you're black or you're Latino, back in, I think this was in 1998, Six or whatever, I don't remember the date.

00:23:44.000 If you're black or Latino, you have the same credit as a white person, you're still four times as likely to be turned down for a loan.

00:23:49.000 Countrywide mortgage.

00:23:51.000 Sounds because of all in the family.

00:23:52.000 Maybe.

00:23:53.000 Meathead and everybody convinced. 0.99

00:23:55.000 But Countrywide Mortgage said, fuck this, let's open a bunch of small offices with minority people working in there. 0.99

00:24:01.000 Let's start giving loans to these people. 0.99

00:24:02.000 If they have the same credit rating, let's do that. 0.99

00:24:04.000 It's really interesting when you start really listening to the shit. 0.99

00:24:07.000 You're like, wow, man, this got... 1.00

00:24:09.000 Fucking crazy. 0.97

00:24:11.000 On top of the fact that Europe, the rich countries were buying our mortgage-backed securities. 0.99

00:24:16.000 They were buying the housing debt.

00:24:18.000 And so we could pass it on.

00:24:20.000 It's just so weird that people thought that it was normal that you would buy a house and then it would be worth twice as much in two years.

00:24:27.000 Because that's what happened.

00:24:27.000 That's what happened to my house.

00:24:28.000 Dude, everybody was telling me this.

00:24:30.000 Dude, I bought it for $500.

00:24:31.000 I sold it for a mil.

00:24:33.000 And I'm like, what?

00:24:34.000 You just made a half a million dollars just like that? 0.99

00:24:37.000 How the fuck did you do that? 0.99

00:24:38.000 How does that happen? 1.00

00:24:38.000 How's that real? 1.00

00:24:39.000 My father, who was a banker, said, my father looked at me and he goes, not going to last, because I was going to buy a piece of property, get into real estate.

00:24:46.000 He goes, you know anything about real estate?

00:24:47.000 I go, no.

00:24:48.000 He goes, you know how to make people laugh, right?

00:24:49.000 I go, yeah.

00:24:50.000 He goes, stick to making people laugh, because you get into real estate, you'll lose all your money.

00:24:53.000 All of it.

00:24:53.000 It's true.

00:24:54.000 Well, not only that.

00:24:54.000 He was right.

00:24:55.000 Don't be cocky and think you can jump into a game like that and not give it 100% of your attention.

00:25:00.000 Exactly.

00:25:01.000 Like, you know, people saying they're going to moonlight in MMA. I'm going to have a couple of fights on the side.

00:25:04.000 Good luck with the rest of your life thinking out of that shitty brain of yours. 1.00

00:25:07.000 Oh, my God. 1.00

00:25:08.000 Because someone's going to wrap a fucking shin around your skull, and you're not going to remember things too good after that. 0.99

00:25:12.000 Dude, that's the hardest. 0.99

00:25:13.000 You're going to have issues.

00:25:14.000 I'm sorry, but that is the hardest way to earn a living.

00:25:16.000 Yeah, it's right up there.

00:25:17.000 I watch these guys fight, and I was watching baseball the other day.

00:25:22.000 I'm watching the World Series.

00:25:23.000 And baseball, they're athletes.

00:25:25.000 They can hit a ball.

00:25:26.000 You've got to swing the bat perfectly.

00:25:27.000 You've got to throw.

00:25:28.000 You've got to field a ball.

00:25:29.000 And there's a lot of skill involved in baseball. 0.98

00:25:31.000 But when it comes to fighting and you're out there with gloves that are just tiny and somebody else is trying to knock your fucking head off and you don't know how to kick, punch, and wrestle. 0.97

00:25:39.000 So much more difficult. 0.97

00:25:40.000 So much more is on the line physically.

00:25:43.000 Your physical health.

00:25:44.000 You're playing a game for your health.

00:25:45.000 How about your courage?

00:25:46.000 Yeah.

00:25:47.000 Everything.

00:25:47.000 Your mind.

00:25:48.000 You've got to stay loose but aggressive.

00:25:51.000 And you're going to be exposed in front of all these people.

00:25:54.000 People are going to see you break.

00:25:55.000 Or not.

00:25:56.000 You're probably not allowed to even say this because you call the fights.

00:25:59.000 But if you had to put...

00:26:02.000 I don't know if it's a fair question.

00:26:03.000 I was going to ask you about the Son and Anderson Silva fight.

00:26:06.000 Are they going to fight first of all?

00:26:07.000 Do we know?

00:26:07.000 Who knows?

00:26:08.000 I don't know.

00:26:09.000 Dano likes the fight.

00:26:10.000 It's a promotable fight, for sure.

00:26:12.000 It's a very exciting fight.

00:26:13.000 Is Anderson kind of hesitant to fight him?

00:26:15.000 I don't believe so.

00:26:16.000 I believe his manager has said some things.

00:26:18.000 But a lot of that is just...

00:26:20.000 It's a game.

00:26:22.000 You've got to realize that promotion and managing fighters and stuff, there's a lot of publicity involved.

00:26:28.000 Just keeping it in the press is a good thing.

00:26:30.000 Saying that Chael doesn't deserve it is a good thing.

00:26:33.000 Building up any sort of animosity is a good thing.

00:26:35.000 And then Chael's people say, Yes, he does deserve it. 1.00

00:26:37.000 Anderson's worried he's going to kick his ass. 1.00

00:26:38.000 Then you've got a thread going, man. 1.00

00:26:40.000 So you can't be a rube. 0.92

00:26:42.000 You've got to look at these things and go, listen, Ed Soares is a smart dude, and Anderson Silva's a goddamn genius, and Chael Sonnen is the greatest marketing mind that combat sports has ever known by a long shot. 0.95

00:26:53.000 He's such a man. 0.82

00:26:53.000 No one's funnier than him. 0.82

00:26:54.000 No one's wittier than him. 0.95

00:26:56.000 He's a beast.

00:26:57.000 I watch him and I get depressed that I'm not him.

00:26:58.000 How about what he said to Brian Stan? 0.96

00:27:00.000 He said he is an American hero, and he's going to get a good old-fashioned red, white, and blue ass kicking. 1.00

00:27:04.000 Ass woman. 1.00

00:27:05.000 It was so great. 0.99

00:27:07.000 I saw him talking about the Noguera brothers.

00:27:09.000 He's on another level.

00:27:10.000 He was talking about the Noguera brothers.

00:27:11.000 He's like, they thought this bus pulled up.

00:27:13.000 They thought it was a donkey.

00:27:14.000 It was me interviewing him, man.

00:27:15.000 He's saying they're trying to give him a carrot.

00:27:17.000 I brought it up to him.

00:27:19.000 He goes, that happened.

00:27:20.000 He goes, one of them pulled his pelt off.

00:27:22.000 He's going to take it home.

00:27:23.000 Come on, little fella. 1.00

00:27:25.000 And you know what, dude? 1.00

00:27:26.000 On top of that, that motherfucker could fight his ass off. 1.00

00:27:29.000 If he was just a shit talker, I would still love him. 1.00

00:27:33.000 Even if he lost every fight. 0.99

00:27:35.000 Like Sean McCorkle has lost a couple times in the UFC. Or at least once in the UFC. Sorry, Sean, if I said one.

00:27:40.000 But he's a great shit talker. 1.00

00:27:42.000 He's a hilarious shit talker. 1.00

00:27:44.000 I'd like to see the guy back just to hear him talk some more shit. 1.00

00:27:47.000 You know? 1.00

00:27:47.000 But Jail Sonnen talks shit better than anybody. 1.00

00:27:50.000 He's funnier than I am, and I'm a comedian. 0.99

00:27:51.000 I'm like, this guy's got to, you know.

00:27:53.000 He's figured out how to finish, guys.

00:27:55.000 Instead of just staying on top of guys and punching them in the face, you know, you can win a fight like that, but you know what else you can do?

00:28:00.000 You can lose a fight like that because the guy survives and catches you in a submission.

00:28:05.000 the kind of caliber of Chael Sonnen, you're not gonna get up, man.

00:28:09.000 The only way you're gonna get up is he's gonna make a subtle mistake and probably late in the fight.

00:28:13.000 You know, maybe he's trying to finish you off and he gets cocky and you get an underhook and you get back up to your feet.

00:28:18.000 But for the most part, a guy like that can keep you down. 0.99

00:28:20.000 And if he's got good submissions, fuck, why wouldn't he have good submissions? 0.96

00:28:24.000 Look at the elite level grappling he has. 1.00

00:28:27.000 It's ridiculous.

00:28:27.000 All you have to do is just teach him a few different positions and he'll be elite in those positions as well.

00:28:32.000 And his triangle that he hit Brian Stan with was a crusher, dude, because Brian Stan was defending the right way.

00:28:38.000 The way to defend is called like answering the phone.

00:28:40.000 You put your hand over your ear and it relieves some of the pressure. 0.92

00:28:43.000 But Chael's squeeze is so fucking tight that it didn't matter. 0.85

00:28:48.000 He did everything perfect. 0.98

00:28:49.000 He's positioning, gorilla strong. 1.00

00:28:52.000 Gorilla strong and mentally tough as fuck. 1.00

00:28:55.000 Yeah, he really is. 1.00

00:28:56.000 He's tough as fuck, dude. 1.00

00:28:57.000 He really is. 1.00

00:28:57.000 And has cracked in the past and is tougher because of it. 1.00

00:29:00.000 How about that?

00:29:01.000 Has quit in the past, has done things in the past that he's not happy with, and those things motivate him in a fight.

00:29:08.000 And much like George St. Pierre, I think losing and cracking under pressure makes him more dangerous.

00:29:13.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:29:14.000 I really do. 0.53

00:29:15.000 When a guy's been humiliated a couple of times, and then he comes back and is a fucking badass, there's a different level of intensity that those guys have. 0.97

00:29:22.000 A guy's been humiliated, like a George St. Pierre, there's an intensity that he brings to the table where this is not going to fucking happen again. 0.95

00:29:29.000 That's also on the menu. 1.00

00:29:31.000 On the menu is, I'm going to kick your ass. 1.00

00:29:33.000 On the menu is, I'm going to force you to fight my fight. 1.00

00:29:36.000 But also on the menu is, that Matt Serra fight is not going to fucking happen again. 0.95

00:29:40.000 Right, I'm not getting caught by Anderson in a triangle. 0.93

00:29:44.000 Paul Ophelio caught him in an arm bar.

00:29:46.000 But he's a better fighter than back then.

00:29:48.000 I don't know what's going on.

00:29:49.000 I don't know if it's consistency, intensity.

00:29:52.000 I think a lot of his strength resides in his hair.

00:29:56.000 Thick, Samson-like hair. 0.98

00:29:58.000 He's a fucking most marketable guy ever. 0.99

00:30:01.000 He's a man. 0.99

00:30:02.000 He should have his own right-wing talk radio show.

00:30:04.000 When you're a man, you're watching the guy.

00:30:06.000 You're like, he's definitely the silverback and I'm a baboon. 1.00

00:30:09.000 I'll throw fruit from the trees.

00:30:10.000 And he's entertaining as hell, man.

00:30:12.000 He's hilarious.

00:30:13.000 He's great.

00:30:13.000 I'm a big fan of that guy.

00:30:15.000 And that's going to be a big fight, the rematch.

00:30:17.000 But Anderson right now is recovering from a shoulder injury.

00:30:20.000 Oh, he did?

00:30:20.000 Yeah, and that's tricky, man.

00:30:22.000 I mean, they can take a long time.

00:30:23.000 Like Cain Velasquez, depending on the severity of Anderson's injury, Cain Velasquez has been out for a long time.

00:30:29.000 I mean, he had to get surgery, and it's a good, solid nine months.

00:30:31.000 I didn't know that.

00:30:32.000 It's a very complicated joint.

00:30:33.000 The shoulder, I mean, look at all the different moves that the shoulder can do, and think about, you know, how loose the tissue has to be inside of there.

00:30:41.000 And if something goes wrong, if there's tears and soft tissue damage or worse, ligament rips and things that need you to go back in there and stitch everything up and put it together and possibly even have more than one surgery.

00:30:56.000 There's people that have shoulder injuries and it's nine, ten months.

00:31:00.000 Wow.

00:31:00.000 Yeah, it's a long time.

00:31:01.000 So Kane still hasn't come back yet.

00:31:03.000 His Junior Dos Santos fight is his first fight back on Fox because he's been out for, Jesus, it's got to be like a year.

00:31:10.000 He beat Brock Lesnar over a year ago, I believe.

00:31:13.000 I'm not exactly sure when the fight took place.

00:31:16.000 How much does he weigh, Kane?

00:31:17.000 240. He, in my opinion, is just...

00:31:20.000 He's the perfect size heavyweight, where he's not a giant guy, so he doesn't require all this amazing oxygen, but he's still small so he can move.

00:31:29.000 There's always that debate about what's the perfect size, because when you're 260, you don't have the kind of explosive speed with your punches, usually.

00:31:38.000 You've got a lot of weight in those arms, too, when you fill up with blood, man.

00:31:42.000 You lose the snap into the punches.

00:31:44.000 He's got great snap to his punches because he's not muscle-bound.

00:31:48.000 He's got a real athlete's body.

00:31:50.000 I mean, his body is exactly built that way because of years of combat sports.

00:31:56.000 So it's built the exact way it needs to be to perform at the level that he wants to perform.

00:32:00.000 And with him, the big thing with that guy is volume.

00:32:03.000 He has the most ridiculous pace of any heavyweight.

00:32:06.000 I've never seen a guy with cardio like this.

00:32:08.000 His ability, yeah, his cardio is It's insane.

00:32:10.000 It doesn't make any sense.

00:32:11.000 He's 240 pounds.

00:32:13.000 He never gives up.

00:32:13.000 And he outworks lightweights at the gym at AKA. AKA, American Kickboxing Academy in San Jose, one of the best gyms in the country.

00:32:20.000 Filled with killers. 0.99

00:32:21.000 You know, filled with John Fitch and Josh Koscheck and Mike Swick and all these fucking animals up there. 1.00

00:32:27.000 And this guy is outlasting them in conditioning drills. 0.99

00:32:31.000 That's unheard of.

00:32:32.000 You're talking about, like, Josh Thompson, like, those guys, that's like an elite, elite MMA athlete. 0.95

00:32:37.000 You know, like, as good a shape as you can get in, as athletic as you can get in, and to have this fucking freak heavyweight beating them in exercise drills is really kind of crazy, or at least getting close to them. 0.50

00:32:49.000 Heavyweights are traditionally way easier to tire out, and he just puts a pace on these guys so you can see them unjust, can't believe it's real. 0.92

00:32:56.000 They can't believe it's real.

00:32:58.000 Like, a perfect example, the Brock Lesnar fight was a good example.

00:33:01.000 That was a good example, but there's been a couple other fights earlier in his career where you just see him hit guys with this pace.

00:33:08.000 Big Ben Rothwell, that's a perfect fight. 0.65

00:33:10.000 He hit Ben Rothwell with this pace that was just ridiculous.

00:33:14.000 It was just ferocious.

00:33:15.000 Everything he did was perfect.

00:33:17.000 Every takedown was perfect.

00:33:19.000 Every side positioning was perfect.

00:33:20.000 Every hammer fist was perfect.

00:33:22.000 Every punch was perfect.

00:33:24.000 He just keeps going.

00:33:26.000 Six feet, six foot one, maybe something like that.

00:33:28.000 He's not a giant guy.

00:33:29.000 Like I said, he's only 240. Unbelievable.

00:33:31.000 He might be six foot one at the most.

00:33:35.000 I should actually look that up.

00:33:36.000 What's his nationality?

00:33:37.000 He's Mexican.

00:33:39.000 100%.

00:33:39.000 It has brown pride tattooed on his chest.

00:33:42.000 That's how you know he's a bad motherfucker. 1.00

00:33:44.000 I write C-A-N-U in Google and it says Cain Velasquez. 1.00

00:33:49.000 That's how you know you're a bad motherfucker. 1.00

00:33:51.000 Not even Canada or California. 1.00

00:33:54.000 Or castration.

00:33:55.000 Or castration.

00:33:56.000 Or cats.

00:33:57.000 Or cats.

00:33:58.000 We love cats.

00:33:59.000 Hey, mine says cats.

00:34:01.000 You guys, I should just say it now.

00:34:03.000 I'm a cat freak.

00:34:04.000 Six foot one.

00:34:05.000 Yeah.

00:34:06.000 Six foot one, 244. Perfect size heavyweight.

00:34:08.000 Not too big, not too small.

00:34:10.000 And if a guy like Brock Lesnar can't out-muscle you...

00:34:12.000 I'm so depressed.

00:34:13.000 I'm 5'11", 170. You always say this, but you never do anything about it.

00:34:18.000 I lift weights, dude!

00:34:19.000 Do you do heavy weights?

00:34:21.000 Yeah.

00:34:21.000 You read Tim Ferriss' book.

00:34:24.000 Did you see all this shit that he had about gaining weight? 0.99

00:34:27.000 Yeah, but I just... 0.99

00:34:27.000 Do you really want to get bigger? 0.99

00:34:28.000 No.

00:34:28.000 You wouldn't be as funny.

00:34:29.000 No, I know.

00:34:30.000 That's the problem.

00:34:30.000 I don't want to spend that much time working on my body.

00:34:33.000 It's too embarrassing.

00:34:34.000 You would be just as funny. 0.99

00:34:35.000 That's ridiculous. 0.95

00:34:35.000 No, but I don't want to spend... 0.95

00:34:37.000 Somehow, I don't want to spend a lot of time trying to get bigger just so I'm 10 pounds more muscular.

00:34:43.000 You get tired quick.

00:34:44.000 It's just embarrassing, man.

00:34:45.000 You get tired quick. 1.00

00:34:46.000 The real problem with the big muscles is that you have to feed those bitches. 1.00

00:34:50.000 You don't realize what a big difference it makes. 0.98

00:34:53.000 You look at the real elite UFC athletes like PJ Penn and Nick Diaz.

00:34:57.000 They don't look like Adonis.

00:34:59.000 I was talking to him at the premiere of Warrior.

00:35:01.000 I was looking at PJ Penn.

00:35:02.000 I was like, well, you're about as threatening in a button-down shirt as the UPS guy.

00:35:09.000 You got those ears closed up.

00:35:11.000 I know what that means, but I'm looking at him going, I'm sorry, I'm taller than you, and frankly, my shoulders are broader.

00:35:17.000 And that's all I was thinking the whole time.

00:35:19.000 You're sizing him up.

00:35:20.000 How many people must do that to BJ on a daily basis? 0.53

00:35:23.000 How many dummies he must have to talk to?

00:35:26.000 I know, and I just keep looking, and I'm like, I mean, how are you one of the baddest men on the planet? 0.95

00:35:30.000 Yet he is. 0.97

00:35:31.000 Oh, he's an animal.

00:35:32.000 And then I met Alistair Overeign.

00:35:33.000 Who is quite the opposite.

00:35:36.000 Alistair Orem is like someone gave someone a super person pill.

00:35:41.000 Like if you were a character in a comic book and you found a pill that was in Dr. Doom's laboratory.

00:35:47.000 He's a male impersonator.

00:35:49.000 That's what he is.

00:35:51.000 Yeah, he's gigantic.

00:35:54.000 As Adam Carolla would say about women who are really hot. 1.00

00:35:57.000 Female, female impersonators. 1.00

00:35:58.000 He's a male, male.

00:35:59.000 I was like looking at his back.

00:36:00.000 I was grabbing his arm.

00:36:01.000 I was basically doing everything but making out with a guy.

00:36:04.000 I was like, oh.

00:36:05.000 But here's the thing about Alistair.

00:36:06.000 Since he's been that big, no one's had to push him in an MMA fight.

00:36:10.000 You know, his fights that he's had while he's been that big are really kickboxing.

00:36:15.000 He's done very well.

00:36:16.000 But I think there's something to that size in kickboxing that's particularly intimidating.

00:36:22.000 With the skill of an Alistair over him, he's very good at covering up.

00:36:25.000 He has so much muscle.

00:36:27.000 And I think that muscle is also sort of like a padding.

00:36:30.000 It's like armor.

00:36:30.000 My friend Walter used to say that when we were doing Taekwondo.

00:36:33.000 He would say that muscles don't help you teach you how to fight.

00:36:36.000 But what they do do, no doubt about it, is offer protection.

00:36:38.000 Yeah.

00:36:39.000 He goes, they protect you against injuries.

00:36:40.000 And he goes, and it's padding.

00:36:41.000 You've got to think of if your body's heavily muscled, it's padding.

00:36:44.000 There's a certain point in time where there's a point of diminishing returns.

00:36:46.000 But the question remains as to whether Alistair has hit that point of diminishing returns.

00:36:51.000 Because he's so big. 1.00

00:36:52.000 And in kickboxing, he's a fucking beast. 1.00

00:36:54.000 And he was a bad motherfucker when he fought Alistair, or when he fought Brett Rogers. 0.99

00:36:58.000 But truth be told, Brett Rogers is not at his level. 0.98

00:37:00.000 He's not nearly technical enough standing up to stand with Alistair.

00:37:05.000 And he's not a world-class wrestler, so he's not going to take him on the ground.

00:37:08.000 He's basically a brawler who's in there with one of the best precision strikers in the world.

00:37:13.000 So that wasn't exhausting for Alistair at over.

00:37:14.000 How is Alistair's wrestling?

00:37:16.000 He's not that good, but he's got real good jiu-jitsu.

00:37:20.000 Wrestling is not good.

00:37:21.000 He doesn't have the best takedown defense, but it's good.

00:37:24.000 But the bottom line is he's got a nasty guillotine choke.

00:37:27.000 He choked out Vitor Belfort with it.

00:37:29.000 Vitor tapped.

00:37:30.000 Yeah, it caught Vitor.

00:37:32.000 He's a lot bigger than Vitor, though.

00:37:33.000 Yeah, well, back then he wasn't.

00:37:35.000 Back then they were both fighting around the same weight.

00:37:37.000 Interesting.

00:37:37.000 Yeah, he might have eat some good foods and got a lot of weight put on his body, my friend.

00:37:42.000 People put 35-40 pounds on him.

00:37:44.000 Yeah, well, he does work hard, man.

00:37:46.000 His workouts are unbelievable. 0.97

00:37:48.000 There's videos of him online, crazy deadlifts and all this strength lifting shit.

00:37:52.000 But the true test of that, whether or not you can perform with all that muscle on, really is when you get stuck under the bottom of a guy like Brock Lesnar.

00:38:00.000 That's the true test. 1.00

00:38:01.000 Because that big motherfucker will take you down and he'll be on top of you and you might be fucked, son. 1.00

00:38:06.000 I think Brock's biggest challenge, though, is knowing how to box with a guy like Cain Velasquez because that takes forever to learn. 1.00

00:38:13.000 Well, because Cain can wrestle.

00:38:15.000 See, Cain is a nightmare because Cain can wrestle.

00:38:17.000 Yeah, he started as a wrestler.

00:38:18.000 Yes, an excellent wrestler.

00:38:20.000 So his technique as a wrestler, too, he's very technical. 0.98

00:38:24.000 Like, even though he's, like, he does, like, a lot of shit, like he chains... 0.97

00:38:28.000 He does it in a way that very few heavyweights do. 0.99

00:38:31.000 It's like the way he moves is like the way a lighter weight guy would wrestle.

00:38:34.000 And so he brings this really technical wrestling to it too.

00:38:37.000 So when Brock starts heaving and hoeing just a little, Kane's got underhooks, he's back up to his feet, and boom, and Kane's all of a sudden kickboxing with him, lighting him up. 0.71

00:38:46.000 He's got the worst case scenario for a guy like Brock.

00:38:50.000 He's got nasty stand-up, knocked out Nogueira in a ridiculous flurry in a way that no one's able to do it.

00:38:55.000 He's good, man.

00:38:56.000 His stand-up is good.

00:38:57.000 And he can take a shot.

00:38:58.000 He took two solid punches from Czech Congo that dropped him. 1.00

00:39:02.000 Same kind of punches that knocked Pat Berry unconscious.

00:39:05.000 And he took it right on the chin.

00:39:07.000 Dropped him and then he completes a takedown.

00:39:09.000 That's what's so sick and amazing about a guy like Frank Edgar, for example, who is to me right now the most impressive human being.

00:39:16.000 The fact that that guy can take shots to the face.

00:39:19.000 There's a correlation between both of them.

00:39:21.000 Neither one cut weight.

00:39:22.000 I was going to say, and I was going to ask you about that, because it seems to me if a fight's going to go three rounds, it's one thing to cut weight.

00:39:27.000 When a fight's going to go five rounds, cutting weight is going to be a liability, usually.

00:39:33.000 If the other guy has not cut weight, your muscles and all those cells are hydrated, and you're not going to get as tired.

00:39:39.000 So it's an interesting kind of strategy.

00:39:40.000 Well, you know, they re...

00:39:44.000 They rehydrate with IVs and it helps.

00:39:46.000 It's definitely better than the way they used to do it.

00:39:48.000 Guys, the way they used to do it, you start eating slowly and then they would start slowly sipping water and then try to get up in the middle of the night and drink water and they would drink water and Pedialyte.

00:39:57.000 But now the smart way to do it is with an IV. But there's been some studies apparently that were done on soldiers.

00:40:04.000 I need to get a hold of this.

00:40:05.000 My friend Dustin told me about it.

00:40:06.000 And they were talking about how long it takes to rehydrate your cerebral spinal fluid and all that stuff.

00:40:11.000 And that is where it's scary. 0.99

00:40:13.000 Because that shit takes weeks. 1.00

00:40:15.000 And when you get hit and you're dehydrated, it's very bad for your brain. 1.00

00:40:17.000 Very bad for your brain.

00:40:18.000 You cannot take a shot nearly as well. 0.93

00:40:21.000 And you're more likely to die.

00:40:22.000 What does Gray Maynard walk around at?

00:40:24.000 He's a big guy.

00:40:26.000 Like 190 or something. 0.98

00:40:27.000 Well, I think he can probably get up to 190 if he's eating whenever the fuck he wants and powerlifting and shit, but he's most certainly too big for 155, I think. 0.99

00:40:35.000 I mean, look, he's a beast, man. 0.99

00:40:37.000 Don't get me wrong.

00:40:38.000 If he catches you with a big shot, he'll put you away.

00:40:41.000 But I think he's so thick that, you know, for him, it might be better if he lifted less and just got a little bit more cardio into his system.

00:40:50.000 And I know he's got good cardio, don't get me wrong, but He doesn't have the same cardio that a guy like Edgar does.

00:40:56.000 And I think one of the reasons for it is a guy like Edgar has less body mass, period.

00:41:01.000 He has less oxygen that has to push through the muscles.

00:41:04.000 And I think, again, there's a point of diminishing returns.

00:41:07.000 Edgar is obviously not as strong as Grey Maynard.

00:41:12.000 Grey Maynard is way stronger than him.

00:41:13.000 He's way scarier a puncher, too.

00:41:15.000 He can hurt you with one of those early punches that he hit Edgar with. 1.00

00:41:19.000 Holy shit, dude. 1.00

00:41:20.000 His uppercut is nasty, dude. 1.00

00:41:21.000 Grey can punch.

00:41:23.000 But I think that's a mechanical thing, man. 1.00

00:41:25.000 I think he would be able to punch like a motherfucker no matter what. 0.99

00:41:27.000 I think he's just become a much better boxer over the course of the time we've seen him in the UFC. I don't think him losing a little bit of mass would hurt that. 0.99

00:41:36.000 I really don't.

00:41:37.000 I think he would benefit from just having a little less mass on his body. 1.00

00:41:43.000 But this is just me talking shit. 0.97

00:41:44.000 If he knocked out Frankie Edgar in the first round, I'd be saying, oh, he improved and he came back and he's one of the best of the division now. 0.98

00:41:52.000 The thing about UFC now is these guys become better punchers.

00:41:57.000 Those little gloves become such a liability for any kind of error. 0.99

00:42:01.000 You make any fucking mistake and you go out. 0.99

00:42:05.000 Look at Eve Edwards. 1.00

00:42:06.000 I mean, Eves was a great fighter.

00:42:07.000 He was fighting really well, but one shot to the jaw with those, you're done.

00:42:10.000 The way Eves went down is like a guy who has been knocked out before, though.

00:42:15.000 And I'm not saying that it wouldn't have happened.

00:42:17.000 He's been fighting a long time.

00:42:18.000 Yeah, I'm not saying that it wouldn't have happened anyway because it was an excellent shot.

00:42:21.000 It could have put him out anyway, but man.

00:42:23.000 It was disturbing how we went out.

00:42:25.000 Because I really like Eve Edwards.

00:42:28.000 He's a smart dude, and he's a cool guy, and he's a very skilled guy, too.

00:42:32.000 And, you know, he's been around for a long time.

00:42:35.000 I watched him fight in the hook-and-shoot days, back when he fought Aaron Riley.

00:42:39.000 We were in Pittsburgh together, and we were doing Warrior, and it was me and Nate Marquardt, and we were in my apartment.

00:42:46.000 We were all a little drunk, and I start yapping off, and I'm like... 0.91

00:42:51.000 I'm like, you know, and I'm like, well, I don't know why you guys don't just fucking go for a double leg, take him down. 1.00

00:42:56.000 I'm just saying stupid shit to Heath, trying to get his goat. 1.00

00:42:58.000 I'm like, because I know you're a boxer, I know. 1.00

00:43:00.000 But, you know, I was talking with those, so you want no part of my feet, my friend. 0.99

00:43:04.000 I'm doing all this shit. 0.99

00:43:05.000 He's like, he's drunk. 0.99

00:43:06.000 He's like, he's like, really?

00:43:08.000 And all of a sudden, he grabs me. 0.98

00:43:09.000 And now he's practicing moves on me as I'm trying to fucking stay alive on the rug. 0.99

00:43:14.000 He's letting me choke him out. 0.99

00:43:16.000 He's like, choke me on God. 1.00

00:43:16.000 I'm not going to fucking choke you on God's leave. 1.00

00:43:18.000 He goes, try, just try. 0.99

00:43:19.000 Come on, try.

00:43:20.000 Next thing I know, I'm like, ah!

00:43:22.000 I'm getting twisted around.

00:43:23.000 It's so funny to roll with guys like that.

00:43:25.000 Just what they can do to you. 1.00

00:43:26.000 It's just fucking ridiculous. 0.99

00:43:27.000 So you just started training again, though? 0.99

00:43:29.000 Yeah.

00:43:29.000 How many times?

00:43:30.000 Just once.

00:43:31.000 Just once?

00:43:31.000 Yeah.

00:43:31.000 How many years off did you have?

00:43:33.000 Years.

00:43:34.000 Well, you had a weird situation happen.

00:43:35.000 Yeah, six years.

00:43:36.000 Brian scared the shit out of me when he told me this whole story.

00:43:40.000 It's very disturbing. 0.94

00:43:41.000 You had a real medical problem.

00:43:43.000 Well, I had a concussion and my hands for like three months felt like I was holding a hot snowball.

00:43:51.000 And it would come back all the time.

00:43:55.000 I found that that's one of the effects of a severe concussion because I had a 40-minute fight with this guy named Pasquale, this French guy, and Boom Boom Mancini was watching.

00:44:06.000 It was at Street Sports and I didn't want to lose.

00:44:10.000 I was like, I'm not tapping in front of Boom Boom Mancini.

00:44:12.000 But how did you get a concussion?

00:44:14.000 When you're wrestling that hard, you don't even realize.

00:44:17.000 You hit your head on the mat, you've fallen, you're doing all kinds of crazy.

00:44:20.000 We were going crazy.

00:44:21.000 I just hit my head on the mat and I drilled real recently.

00:44:25.000 I was like, whoa, that was a hard one.

00:44:26.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:44:27.000 Head injuries are no joke.

00:44:31.000 I'm back, though.

00:44:32.000 I miss it.

00:44:32.000 So when you didn't know what the injury was, you couldn't pinpoint it?

00:44:36.000 I thought I had a brain tumor, man.

00:44:37.000 I know, but when it happened, when we were rolling, there's not one moment that...

00:44:41.000 Nope, I don't remember any of it.

00:44:42.000 So you didn't even know?

00:44:44.000 Nope.

00:44:44.000 I've been knocked out.

00:44:45.000 I've been kicked in the head.

00:44:46.000 I've been punched.

00:44:46.000 I know what being knocked out is.

00:44:48.000 But for this, I think what happened was at one point, I think I was standing and I came back and hit my head on the mat and we just kept moving.

00:44:59.000 Who knows?

00:45:00.000 Who knows?

00:45:01.000 You don't think about it when you're fighting.

00:45:03.000 Yeah, so why were you doing this?

00:45:04.000 As a grown man, why were you having this 40 minute battle? 1.00

00:45:07.000 Because I still haven't let go of the fact that I'm a pussy. 0.99

00:45:11.000 I like how you put it to a song. 1.00

00:45:13.000 That I'm a built like a Samoan.

00:45:16.000 Built like a Samoan. 1.00

00:45:17.000 I wish I had some Samoan blood. 1.00

00:45:19.000 Like David Tula.

00:45:19.000 That's all I want, just a little.

00:45:20.000 Give me a little fucking Samoan blood. 1.00

00:45:21.000 I just want the hair and the dark skin. 1.00

00:45:24.000 No hair on my skin. 0.99

00:45:25.000 It's a fucking good look. 0.99

00:45:26.000 I can wear turquoise and be a badass. 1.00

00:45:28.000 Turquoise.

00:45:28.000 Yeah.

00:45:29.000 I can't wear jewelry.

00:45:30.000 I look like I work in a deli.

00:45:32.000 There's something about a man who wears turquoise or jade. 1.00

00:45:34.000 Well, Johnny Depp, he gets away with all that shit. 0.98

00:45:36.000 He wears awesome things. 0.99

00:45:37.000 There's something about when guys wear large silver bracelets with big jade ovals inside of them.

00:45:43.000 You're like, okay, dude, do you believe in channeling?

00:45:45.000 I always want to ask him right away, what's going on with you, man?

00:45:48.000 Have you spent some time in Sedona?

00:45:50.000 Exactly.

00:45:51.000 Do you know any healers?

00:45:52.000 Exactly.

00:45:52.000 Well, my ex-wife's a healer.

00:45:54.000 Or you're in Arizona.

00:45:55.000 I went to John Varvatos, you know, where it costs like a million dollars for a pair of shoes.

00:46:00.000 What is that?

00:46:00.000 It's a really cool clothing company that I actually love their clothes.

00:46:03.000 I actually look good in their clothes, you know.

00:46:05.000 It makes them for guys who are built exactly like me. 0.99

00:46:07.000 But it's like really nice cashmere sweater, shit you wear all the time. 0.97

00:46:11.000 Because guys have two criteria when they dress, right? 1.00

00:46:13.000 They don't want to look like a pussy and they want to be comfortable. 1.00

00:46:16.000 That's it. 1.00

00:46:17.000 That's it for me.

00:46:17.000 I'm not dressing.

00:46:18.000 I'm not wearing, you know...

00:46:20.000 So I get in there and the dude, this guy is like just very fey.

00:46:25.000 He's just like, hi, how are you?

00:46:27.000 I'm like, good.

00:46:27.000 And he's like, well, let's start.

00:46:29.000 I go, I'm doing a one-hour special for Showtime. 0.98

00:46:32.000 I'm bullshit. 0.89

00:46:33.000 And I'm like, you know, I am, by the way. 0.98

00:46:34.000 But I go, I'm doing a special and I go, and I need to wear something on stage.

00:46:38.000 I don't know what I'm going to wear.

00:46:39.000 We have some great stuff and he brings me over.

00:46:41.000 And before I know it, I'm wearing like I got a vest on. 0.98

00:46:44.000 I got a fucking awesome fedora. 0.97

00:46:48.000 He puts this unbelievable chain around my... 1.00

00:46:52.000 I looked in the mirror and I was like, I'm sorry, but right now, not to be a dick, I'm the coolest looking motherfucker on the planet. 0.99

00:47:00.000 I was so impressed with how good I looked. 0.99

00:47:03.000 And I went, I've never worn jewelry.

00:47:05.000 And he goes, oh, I mean, if you don't wear jewelry, then all you're wearing is cloth.

00:47:08.000 That's our rule here.

00:47:10.000 You have to wear jewelry?

00:47:11.000 Well, it just looked...

00:47:12.000 I was surprised, but then... 1.00

00:47:13.000 You let this gay man get into your soul. 1.00

00:47:15.000 Right, but then I looked in the mirror, and I was looking at myself, and I went like this, and I said right in front of him, I go, then again, I do punch people for looking like this. 0.50

00:47:23.000 You see guys who are like, they walk into Intelligentsia Coffee, where they charge you $6 for a cup of coffee, and their hair is just must just the right way.

00:47:32.000 They got a bracelet on, this awesome...

00:47:34.000 Don't hate the player, bro. 1.00

00:47:35.000 Hate the game, because that shit works. 1.00

00:47:36.000 It does work. 1.00

00:47:37.000 You pull up in a late model Maserati.

00:47:39.000 You have a fine watch on. 1.00

00:47:41.000 Girls like that shit. 1.00

00:47:42.000 Reading perhaps the Wall Street Journal. 1.00

00:47:44.000 I want to keep up on the markets.

00:47:46.000 Got to get my coffee.

00:47:47.000 Why me?

00:47:48.000 Yeah, very successful financially.

00:47:51.000 Romantically, not so much.

00:47:53.000 Ever since the family died in the fire.

00:47:55.000 I just can't find the right one.

00:47:57.000 Family died in the fire.

00:47:58.000 You don't introduce any tragedy until at least the first couple.

00:48:00.000 Two, three dates.

00:48:01.000 You've got to let her fall in love first. 0.56

00:48:02.000 My biggest problem when I'm not running orphanages, I guess my biggest problem is what to spend all my money on. 1.00

00:48:07.000 You're going to come off like a hippie pussy. 1.00

00:48:09.000 You don't want that. 1.00

00:48:10.000 Don't talk about orphanages.

00:48:11.000 She can find that out.

00:48:13.000 Now that you made so much money.

00:48:14.000 You're making grand plans.

00:48:15.000 You can't keep banging her for long. 0.98

00:48:18.000 You're on a one-night plan.

00:48:19.000 You're right.

00:48:19.000 If you want to keep a girl in the game, you can't just make up orphanages, man.

00:48:22.000 I do.

00:48:23.000 I like the Wall Street Journal.

00:48:25.000 That's good.

00:48:26.000 Yeah, you got to pretend like you're a serious person.

00:48:28.000 I'm a man.

00:48:29.000 She's lost. 1.00

00:48:30.000 She's got to pay her own fucking rent, man. 1.00

00:48:32.000 It's hard. 1.00

00:48:32.000 It's hard out there. 1.00

00:48:33.000 That's it.

00:48:33.000 She doesn't feel like a woman, but yet she is.

00:48:36.000 Here she is, 22. Right now, I just manage my investments.

00:48:39.000 I wear one of those book bags that you can keep your dog in the back.

00:48:42.000 Have you seen those things?

00:48:43.000 A book bag that you can keep your dog in?

00:48:44.000 They're like these little book bags that you carry around your animals in the back.

00:48:48.000 Wouldn't you want it in the front so your dog knows that you're there?

00:48:51.000 Little dogs are great chick magnets, man.

00:48:53.000 Puppies.

00:48:53.000 But what's crazy about these book bags is if you look at the reviews on Amazon or whatever, there's so many psychos that are like, I could fit all three cats.

00:49:00.000 I love going to Target with my cats.

00:49:03.000 With my cats?

00:49:04.000 Yeah, the reviews are hilarious.

00:49:06.000 Check it out.

00:49:07.000 Was it on our podcast where somebody was talking about walking their cat on a leash?

00:49:12.000 Who was that?

00:49:12.000 Maybe.

00:49:13.000 There's a guy that walks his cat on a leash by my house.

00:49:15.000 I had a history.

00:49:17.000 Go on.

00:49:17.000 I'm sorry.

00:49:18.000 Oh, I'm sorry.

00:49:18.000 Someone on, I believe, I thought it was on our podcast was talking about walking a cat on a leash.

00:49:22.000 I might have said that.

00:49:23.000 I had a history teacher in college who told me that his buddy's dog, his buddy's lab had like a litter of puppies. 0.99

00:49:30.000 Like, what the fuck do we do with these puppies? 0.98

00:49:31.000 It's like eight weeks, they're weaned and stuff, like nobody wanted puppies. 1.00

00:49:34.000 He's like, fuck, and they're like bored and they're going to the beach. 0.99

00:49:37.000 And I was like, I got to the beach, let me just feed the dogs. 1.00

00:49:39.000 And his buddy goes, hold on, I got an idea.

00:49:41.000 He's like, what do you mean?

00:49:42.000 He goes...

00:49:43.000 Let's bring the puppies to the beach. 1.00

00:49:45.000 And the guy's like, what do you mean bring the fucking puppies? 0.99

00:49:47.000 He goes, don't worry about it. 1.00

00:49:48.000 Next thing you know, they got a box of puppies and they have a sign that says, rent a puppy.

00:49:52.000 And they're renting puppies.

00:49:53.000 You can go just take the puppy for an hour, leave a credit card, play with the puppy. 1.00

00:49:57.000 Of course, everybody wanted a fucking puppy. 0.99

00:49:59.000 They're like, how much do I have for the puppy? 0.99

00:50:00.000 But my buddy, the history professor was like, The girls that everybody ended up hooking up with were just unbelievable. 0.55

00:50:08.000 You're just surrounded by girls. 1.00

00:50:09.000 Bring a bunch of puppies to the fucking beach. 1.00

00:50:12.000 Forget your gym. 1.00

00:50:13.000 You're working out for three months, trying to get your chest all right. 1.00

00:50:16.000 Bullshit. 1.00

00:50:16.000 You don't have to work out. 1.00

00:50:17.000 Just show up with a bunch of puppies.

00:50:18.000 Girls will flock to you. 0.99

00:50:20.000 There you go, ladies and gentlemen.

00:50:21.000 Thank you.

00:50:22.000 Rent a puppy.

00:50:23.000 Brian Callen's a genius when it comes to picking up chicks you don't really want to pick up in the first place.

00:50:29.000 That's the problem.

00:50:30.000 Everybody is so starving to get laid.

00:50:33.000 Men are so starving. 1.00

00:50:34.000 The reason why there's so many bitches and pussies in the men department in this world today is because the commodity of pussy is so goddamn powerful. 1.00

00:50:43.000 The percentage of the market devoted to pussy is like, shit, it's got to be like 40 or 50% of the market is based on pussy. 1.00

00:50:52.000 Acquiring it, right? 1.00

00:50:53.000 Impressing it.

00:50:54.000 When I think of the conversations I've had, the sincere conversations I've had with girls just to get laid, where my brow is knotted and I'm like, really? 0.97

00:51:03.000 That's amazing.

00:51:04.000 Say more stuff.

00:51:05.000 So tell me about this dream you had again.

00:51:09.000 And women get angry at us for this insincerity, but this is what you have to understand, okay?

00:51:13.000 We're junkies and you're the dealer.

00:51:15.000 It's really that simple. 1.00

00:51:17.000 The universe is set up fucked up because we have the same bodies that we had back when infant mortality rates were through the fucking roof. 0.99

00:51:23.000 So you had to want to fuck all the time so that you could have a reasonable amount of people so that the human race could survive. 0.99

00:51:30.000 You know, it was really... 0.99

00:51:32.000 It's common back in the day for people who have 10 kids, 11 kids, 12 kids. 0.99

00:51:37.000 Kids were fucking dying, man. 0.99

00:51:38.000 Kids didn't last. 1.00

00:51:39.000 People got crazy diseases and it would wipe out entire villages.

00:51:43.000 Animals were eating people on a regular basis. 1.00

00:51:46.000 So we have that same body and we want to fuck all the time. 0.98

00:51:50.000 Our body has not reacted, especially if you're athletic. 0.99

00:51:53.000 It's one thing if you're unhealthy and if you...

00:51:56.000 If you're confined to a cubicle and your body becomes sedentary, you'll lose a certain amount of that drive as you get your 30s or 40s.

00:52:03.000 But if you're athletic, if you're an athletic person and if you're a person who just...

00:52:07.000 We are engineered to like the hunt of it.

00:52:10.000 The same way you can't roll a ball of yarn in front of a kitten. 1.00

00:52:14.000 If a girl walks by, it doesn't even matter if you want to fuck her. 1.00

00:52:17.000 If a girl walks by in high heels and a bikini with a big ass and big floppy real tits and she's hot and she looks at you... 1.00

00:52:25.000 You go, uh-oh. 1.00

00:52:27.000 You just have to find a reason why you had to get out of the room.

00:52:30.000 But meanwhile, we are becoming increasingly automated and computerized.

00:52:38.000 Worse than that. 1.00

00:52:40.000 They're changing because of the fact that pussy is so powerful. 1.00

00:52:43.000 Men are doing a lot of shit that women want them to do. 1.00

00:52:47.000 It's not normal. 1.00

00:52:48.000 But I would say that's also because testosterone, muscle, aggression, those things are becoming tools we no longer need to survive.

00:52:57.000 Think about what it was like just to get by and feed your family. 0.99

00:53:01.000 You had to work the fucking land. 1.00

00:53:02.000 Splitwood, bale, hay, catch your own food, all that shit that took a lot of weight. 1.00

00:53:06.000 And now what happens is you go to the supermarket or you swipe your credit card, okay? 0.97

00:53:10.000 And I was watching two shows in particular.

00:53:13.000 I watched Whitney and I watched American Horror Story, okay?

00:53:16.000 I like American Horror Story, by the way.

00:53:18.000 It's scary.

00:53:19.000 Why'd you watch Whitney?

00:53:20.000 He has an affair on...

00:53:22.000 How bad is it?

00:53:27.000 How bad is it?

00:53:27.000 Whitney?

00:53:28.000 I don't mind it.

00:53:30.000 It's a sitcom. 1.00

00:53:30.000 Shut the fuck up. 1.00

00:53:31.000 Don't ever lie to me like this. 1.00

00:53:32.000 It's actually not that.

00:53:33.000 It's terrible.

00:53:34.000 I don't like it.

00:53:35.000 We go way back, bro.

00:53:36.000 We go over a decade.

00:53:37.000 This thing's going to be gone.

00:53:38.000 I like the laugh track the best.

00:53:40.000 You like the laugh track?

00:53:41.000 Yeah, that's my favorite part.

00:53:42.000 She's a very pretty girl.

00:53:42.000 I wish her well.

00:53:43.000 I personally really like Whitney as a person, and I really like Chris, so I'm biased.

00:53:49.000 Something about those billboards that made me feel like I was in a Coen Brothers movie.

00:53:52.000 I was like, I think this is it.

00:53:53.000 I think this is the last piece of evidence that life is a work of fiction.

00:53:57.000 It's like, what? 0.99

00:53:58.000 What the fuck is happening? 0.99

00:54:00.000 Sitcoms just do not work for me anymore. 0.99

00:54:02.000 I cannot do it at all.

00:54:03.000 Yeah, but some of them are doing it really well.

00:54:04.000 You say that, but you locked into a good one.

00:54:06.000 If another Seinfeld came along.

00:54:08.000 I mean, Modern Family is funny.

00:54:09.000 Yeah, I heard that's very funny.

00:54:10.000 Well, I mean the typical sitcom.

00:54:11.000 Yeah.

00:54:11.000 Like, you know, like with the Laugh Track studio audience and stuff like that.

00:54:14.000 It's supposed to be pretty good and it's doing really well.

00:54:16.000 Which one?

00:54:16.000 That's Chelsea's.

00:54:17.000 Chelsea Hamless.

00:54:18.000 No, that's actually Whitney's as well.

00:54:19.000 She created it.

00:54:19.000 Oh, that's right.

00:54:20.000 Yeah.

00:54:21.000 Oh, yeah.

00:54:21.000 Whitney's doing really well, man.

00:54:22.000 That's amazing.

00:54:22.000 Whitney works her ass off, man.

00:54:23.000 That's crazy that she's got two shows. 1.00

00:54:25.000 I'm happy for her, man.

00:54:26.000 I love her.

00:54:26.000 I've known her forever and I knew her back when she was doing open mics, you know, and she worked her ass off, man.

00:54:32.000 And you know what I love about Whitney?

00:54:34.000 Whitney's always been fantastic. 0.95

00:54:36.000 Fucking really positive and really supportive. 0.96

00:54:39.000 That's awesome. 0.96

00:54:40.000 And she's the girl where I'd be on stage, she'd be out there laughing her ass off. 1.00

00:54:43.000 Well, you don't get that.

00:54:44.000 And telling everybody how great I was.

00:54:46.000 Successful.

00:54:46.000 You don't get that successful without being positive.

00:54:49.000 It's impossible.

00:54:49.000 She's a positive person who worked her ass off.

00:54:51.000 And guess what?

00:54:52.000 I read the pilot of Whitney and I was laughing.

00:54:56.000 And I was like, she wrote it.

00:54:57.000 She wrote it.

00:54:58.000 Now you can stop lying.

00:54:59.000 Stop lying.

00:54:59.000 No, but I'm saying for a sitcom, it might not be a sitcom.

00:55:01.000 For a sitcom, I'm just saying, I'm saying.

00:55:03.000 But I'm proud of her.

00:55:05.000 I think sitcoms are still worth it.

00:55:06.000 But the point I was making is this, is that Chris's character looks at a girl, and for the whole episode, she's giving him a hard time and he feels guilty.

00:55:14.000 And he can't admit that he was just looking for a girl. 0.97

00:55:16.000 And I was saying the other day, I was like, look, the truth of the matter is, we're fucking genetically programmed to be that way.

00:55:23.000 So we have an honest conversation about what that struggle is for a guy, Yeah, but don't even say for a guy, because it's a struggle for a girl, too.

00:55:31.000 It's a respect issue, and that's why I don't think that people looking at other people while you're in a relationship is cool.

00:55:36.000 While you're with someone, you know what you're doing.

00:55:40.000 I've seen girls do it to dudes, and it's very disturbing.

00:55:44.000 It happens a lot around fighters.

00:55:48.000 I'm not talking about that.

00:55:49.000 I'm just talking about when it does happen, instead of pretending it didn't or instead of saying that I don't feel that way, there is a dialogue to be had which is, yeah, you know what, that's the way. 0.95

00:55:59.000 When you get shit out in the open, it takes the edge off. 0.68

00:56:02.000 It does, but it's a disrespect issue in the first place. 0.99

00:56:04.000 You shouldn't be doing it. 1.00

00:56:05.000 You shouldn't be staring at some chick's ass when you're in front of your wife. 1.00

00:56:08.000 You know what the fuck it is. 1.00

00:56:09.000 Right, right. 1.00

00:56:09.000 It's easy to not do. 1.00

00:56:11.000 It's easy to take it in for a second and go, Jesus Christ. 0.99

00:56:14.000 But don't fucking stare blatantly at some chick. 0.98

00:56:19.000 Because you're just doing it to create conflict. 0.99

00:56:21.000 You're doing it to make that girl feel bad.

00:56:22.000 And we've all seen guys do that.

00:56:24.000 We've all seen guys do that.

00:56:25.000 Or they might even actually say something.

00:56:28.000 I'm so lucky.

00:56:30.000 I get the elbow to being like, hey Brian, look at that. 1.00

00:56:33.000 That girl's ass. 1.00

00:56:33.000 Like, it's backwards for me. 1.00

00:56:35.000 Yeah, but that's girls who want to seem cool in the beginning. 1.00

00:56:38.000 No, this girl does porn. 1.00

00:56:39.000 She does lesbian porn. 1.00

00:56:41.000 Oh, she does? 1.00

00:56:41.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:56:42.000 She probably absolutely likes eating bucks. 1.00

00:56:44.000 That's fantastic.

00:56:45.000 Don't have kids with her, but that's fantastic.

00:56:47.000 Don't have kids with her! 1.00

00:56:48.000 Why?

00:56:48.000 You never know, man.

00:56:49.000 You never know is right.

00:56:50.000 I'm kidding.

00:56:51.000 I'm kidding.

00:56:52.000 They don't, though.

00:56:53.000 They just take a break, and then when they're 40, they kick you out of the house and move in with their horse trainer.

00:56:56.000 That's all right.

00:56:57.000 Horse trainer.

00:56:58.000 That's all right.

00:57:00.000 That's all right.

00:57:03.000 I'll take a couple years off.

00:57:04.000 You'll have kids with them, and then when they're like 20, the kids will be like 20. I know, but I'm beginning to think that everything is fine.

00:57:10.000 If you do it with your eyes wide open, it might be a risk, but fuck it. 1.00

00:57:14.000 Take it anyway. 1.00

00:57:15.000 If she's got a past and she's all fucked up, but you like her, date her. 1.00

00:57:18.000 You might lose your house, but fuck it. 1.00

00:57:20.000 You'll get another house. 1.00

00:57:21.000 I don't know if he necessarily should be having children right now, but I see your point.

00:57:25.000 There's no guarantees.

00:57:26.000 There's no guarantees.

00:57:27.000 Well, not only that.

00:57:28.000 People do evolve.

00:57:29.000 They do change.

00:57:30.000 You can't judge everyone based on their earliest fuck-up. 0.99

00:57:33.000 We'd all be losers. 1.00

00:57:34.000 Fuck, that'd be a disaster. 1.00

00:57:35.000 Can you imagine me? 1.00

00:57:35.000 It's like there's some sort of a time between your fuck-ups and who you are today that we have to accept. 1.00

00:57:41.000 I don't know what that number is. 0.99

00:57:43.000 If I had a time machine, I'd go back and just meet me when I was 23 and slap my face with an open hand about that.

00:57:49.000 Why would you do that?

00:57:50.000 It's perfect.

00:57:50.000 What you've gotten through is absolutely perfect.

00:57:52.000 You've gotten through it all with humility.

00:57:55.000 Everyone's afraid of making those big colossal mistakes because they somehow or another define you.

00:58:00.000 I say they don't.

00:58:01.000 I say you're not your past.

00:58:02.000 I say your accumulation of your experiences and what you've observed and learned and grew from your experiences. 0.99

00:58:10.000 And because of that, or how you've grown from your experiences, because of that, you're better because of all your fuck-ups. 0.98

00:58:15.000 You should embrace them. 0.99

00:58:16.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:58:16.000 As long as you learn from your fuck-ups, you're better because of them. 0.99

00:58:19.000 I am unquestionably, I would not change a single thing about anything I've ever done ever. 0.97

00:58:24.000 I mean, I definitely feel bad for if I've ever hurting anyone's feelings at any point in time in my life.

00:58:30.000 That's the number one thing, if anything, I ever regret.

00:58:32.000 It's like, maybe I shouldn't have been so mean to that dude, or maybe I shouldn't have yelled at this chick, or maybe I shouldn't have, you know, maybe I should have like ate it before I... Or taking a look at where they're coming from, perspective.

00:58:41.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 0.99

00:58:42.000 Or instead of just saying, shut the fuck up, I don't want to hear you. 0.99

00:58:45.000 My regret isn't on what I chose to do. 0.99

00:58:48.000 My regret is I didn't work hard enough in some things.

00:58:50.000 Really?

00:58:51.000 Yeah, a little bit.

00:58:52.000 Well, you know what?

00:58:53.000 I don't know, though.

00:58:54.000 I don't think that should be.

00:58:54.000 I don't think that should be because you've had a very enjoyable life.

00:58:57.000 And what you have to realize is there's a certain amount of whimsy to your personality and to what makes you a fun guy.

00:59:04.000 And part of what makes you a fun guy is that you're never really truly satisfied with your current position in life.

00:59:10.000 That's true.

00:59:11.000 That's an interesting point.

00:59:13.000 I like that.

00:59:14.000 I've never had anybody use the word whimsy with me. 0.99

00:59:16.000 That's a fucking great word. 0.99

00:59:16.000 You're a man of whimsy. 0.99

00:59:17.000 It's a great word.

00:59:18.000 If I had a barrel chest. 1.00

00:59:21.000 You're like thinking of yourself on top of a fucking boat with a broadsword flying a sail. 0.99

00:59:27.000 My one hour special is coming out in June. 0.99

00:59:29.000 My one hour special on the cover of the DVD is me.

00:59:32.000 They made my muscles really big.

00:59:34.000 I'm holding the mic over my hand and two girls are clutching each calf looking up at me and I'm on a mountaintop. 0.97

00:59:39.000 You're fucking right. 0.94

00:59:40.000 That's what I want to be. 0.98

00:59:41.000 And there's a horse rearing up in the distance and a hawk in the air.

00:59:44.000 I'm like, that's who I want to be.

00:59:45.000 That's hilarious.

00:59:46.000 It's true.

00:59:47.000 I've always wanted to be everything I'm not.

00:59:51.000 But in that sense, I kind of like who I am at the same time.

00:59:54.000 Maybe that is who I am.

00:59:55.000 Yeah, but it is who you are.

00:59:56.000 It's not true, though.

00:59:58.000 It's not a real need.

00:59:59.000 It's a whimsical, fantastical...

01:00:02.000 There it is again.

01:00:02.000 It is.

01:00:03.000 But it is. 0.98

01:00:05.000 He's being silly about it all.

01:00:06.000 If you really, truly wanted it, you would do it. 0.83

01:00:09.000 I've never taken myself that seriously.

01:00:10.000 I see the devotion that you have as a father.

01:00:12.000 I see the devotion that you have for your work when you're actually concentrating on something.

01:00:16.000 When you actually want to do something, you're very focused on doing it.

01:00:18.000 So it's kind of a fake...

01:00:20.000 It is.

01:00:20.000 It's almost an admiration for extreme examples of certain individuals.

01:00:25.000 That's right, that's right.

01:00:26.000 And how inspiring.

01:00:27.000 Like, you meet a guy like Alistair Overing, you don't necessarily want to get that big, but goddammit, it's inspiring. 0.96

01:00:31.000 It's fucking cool! 0.99

01:00:31.000 You grab his fucking giant anaconda arm. 0.99

01:00:34.000 My Dove goes, Dove goes, Dove goes, Dove DeOdoff goes, You were grabbing the guy's fucking arms. 1.00

01:00:38.000 You don't even know the guy. 0.99

01:00:39.000 You're grabbing his shoulders.

01:00:40.000 I was grabbing him.

01:00:42.000 And I was like, well, I was asking about Brock.

01:00:44.000 I was asking about Brock.

01:00:45.000 I had to touch his body.

01:00:46.000 I was like, well, look at this guy.

01:00:48.000 People don't, you know, that's an interesting fight. 0.93

01:00:50.000 I think Alistair's one of the best fighters in the world, but I think Brock is big as fuck and a serious wrestler. 0.75

01:00:55.000 He had a lot of respect for Brock. 0.80

01:00:56.000 He said, you know, he said, I'm ready for the fight, but I have a lot of respect for Brock.

01:00:59.000 He's a great fighter.

01:01:00.000 And I was like, He said that without cameras.

01:01:02.000 The fact that you can just go up to a guy like that and grab him shows you where you're coming from.

01:01:07.000 Because if you were weird in any way, you wouldn't be able to get that off.

01:01:09.000 You can get that off because you're charming.

01:01:11.000 I can't help it every time.

01:01:12.000 It's the same thing with Mayhem.

01:01:13.000 I'm always trying to underhook him and he's like...

01:01:15.000 You're crazy to think that you would ever want to do anything different.

01:01:18.000 Because whatever you've done has made you you.

01:01:21.000 You know, I'm sorry for anybody that ever hurt their feelings, but I'm so happy everything turned out the way it turned out.

01:01:27.000 I guess you're right, man.

01:01:27.000 I never thought of that, but I really liked that.

01:01:29.000 As you were talking, I went, I spent a lot of time wishing I was somebody else.

01:01:33.000 That's why I'm an actor.

01:01:34.000 That's why I'm a comic.

01:01:35.000 And by the way, that is who I am, isn't it?

01:01:37.000 I'm a guy who spends the last time wishing he was somebody else.

01:01:40.000 That's my identity.

01:01:41.000 Every guy wants an undefeated record, okay? 1.00

01:01:44.000 But I'm telling you, that shit ain't good for you. 0.99

01:01:46.000 You have to understand what it's like to lose. 1.00

01:01:48.000 Of course you do.

01:01:49.000 You have to understand failure.

01:01:50.000 You have to be able to look back in your past at a moment where you fuck something up and feel uncomfortable about it, and that should provide you with a certain amount of humility and understanding.

01:01:59.000 I think a man is the product of what partially, but largely a product of Of how, of the actions he chose to take as a response to failure.

01:02:12.000 You know?

01:02:13.000 Yes.

01:02:13.000 Yeah, for sure.

01:02:14.000 I don't know how you learn anything other than the hard way.

01:02:17.000 I don't.

01:02:18.000 You don't really.

01:02:19.000 You don't really.

01:02:21.000 We're a strange animal that's dealing with infinite variables.

01:02:24.000 And the only way to truly find a focused way through this path is to have accumulated a massive amount of experiences and forged positive information and game plans from these experiences and be able to move forward.

01:02:38.000 You cannot know it all right away from the get-go.

01:02:41.000 That's right.

01:02:42.000 All you can do is control how you respond to failure, what you choose to do differently, readjusting your approach.

01:02:50.000 And by the way, The one thing for me is I've learned just to enjoy.

01:02:55.000 Enjoy that and allow the frustration when you do fail. 0.99

01:02:59.000 Well, how about being able to make fun of yourself when you fuck up? 0.99

01:03:01.000 That's so huge. 0.99

01:03:01.000 How few guys can do that? 0.99

01:03:03.000 Dude, that's so huge.

01:03:03.000 There was a guy.

01:03:04.000 That's so big.

01:03:05.000 It's so big.

01:03:06.000 And you're great at it.

01:03:07.000 There was a guy recently.

01:03:09.000 I say recently.

01:03:10.000 It was within the last couple of years.

01:03:11.000 It was back when Legends was at the old bomb squad on Santa Monica Boulevard where the jiu-jitsu gym used to be.

01:03:18.000 Yeah. 0.86

01:03:18.000 Anyway, this guy picked up a hooker. 0.86

01:03:20.000 He came back from Iraq. 0.98

01:03:21.000 Picked up a hooker. 0.97

01:03:22.000 Turns out the hooker was a dude. 1.00

01:03:24.000 The guy had sucked his dick, found out the guy was a guy, shot him, dumped the body in an alleyway. 1.00

01:03:30.000 In an alleyway, like a movie. 1.00

01:03:31.000 So the cops apparently see this guy dump the body.

01:03:34.000 High speed chase ensues.

01:03:36.000 They chase him all the way out to the desert.

01:03:38.000 Gets out of the car with his gun.

01:03:39.000 Suicide by cop. 1.00

01:03:40.000 They shoot him dead. 1.00

01:03:41.000 And all I'm thinking of is this motherfucker, if he could just make fun of himself, would have the best story ever. 1.00

01:03:47.000 It's so true. 1.00

01:03:47.000 Happened to me. 1.00

01:03:48.000 The idea of the stubble on this guy.

01:03:50.000 Did it really?

01:03:51.000 Quiet suddenly.

01:03:52.000 Did it really?

01:03:53.000 You don't know that story?

01:03:54.000 Um, no.

01:03:56.000 Oh, interesting.

01:03:57.000 Well, if I may, I can't believe I've never told you this story.

01:04:00.000 I can't believe you haven't either.

01:04:01.000 You might have.

01:04:02.000 I'm at Club USA in New York City.

01:04:06.000 How many years ago was this?

01:04:07.000 Oh, I don't know.

01:04:08.000 20?

01:04:09.000 Whoa.

01:04:09.000 I don't know.

01:04:10.000 I'm 63 now.

01:04:13.000 You know, I just had a lot of work done.

01:04:15.000 But yeah, I'm at USA. I'm a young man.

01:04:20.000 And I'm dancing with my buddy.

01:04:24.000 And I meet this...

01:04:25.000 I have a weakness for Latina girls, right? 1.00

01:04:27.000 A little petite, curvy.

01:04:28.000 I see this beautiful Latino girl.

01:04:32.000 She's got this black ponytail. 1.00

01:04:34.000 She's got that caramel skin, this cute little ass. 1.00

01:04:39.000 My dick is getting hard. 1.00

01:04:39.000 I know. 1.00

01:04:41.000 I'll stop touching it.

01:04:42.000 And she's dancing.

01:04:43.000 She's dancing.

01:04:44.000 She's dancing.

01:04:46.000 I'll start touching it.

01:04:47.000 He said stop.

01:04:48.000 I'll stop touching it.

01:04:49.000 Sorry.

01:04:50.000 She's dancing.

01:04:51.000 And she's dancing and she locks eyes with me with the eyes of a fighter. 1.00

01:04:55.000 I mean, just looking at me and I'm like, alright, well, that's my wife.

01:05:00.000 That's my wife right there. 1.00

01:05:01.000 I start dancing with her, and we're grinding, we're dancing. 1.00

01:05:04.000 She smells like fucking apricots. 1.00

01:05:07.000 I don't remember what she smells like, but for the story, she smells like fucking apricots. 1.00

01:05:13.000 We start making out, and I mean bub-slapping on the dance floor. 0.98

01:05:17.000 And you know sometimes when you're that attracted, everything else melts away?

01:05:20.000 You just see that one person.

01:05:21.000 I'm a little drunk, and I'm kissing her, and it's romantic.

01:05:24.000 I mean, deep.

01:05:25.000 Oh, God.

01:05:26.000 So there are these booths.

01:05:28.000 There were these peep booths at Club USA where you could go in and there was a glass thing where other people could watch you. 0.99

01:05:36.000 So I take this girl into the peep booths and I didn't give a fuck. 0.98

01:05:40.000 Oh, there's a glass thing. 0.98

01:05:41.000 So other people can watch you?

01:05:42.000 They want to come into the booth, they can watch, but nobody's there. 1.00

01:05:44.000 What the fuck in a freaking club? 1.00

01:05:46.000 I was 23. I didn't give a fuck. 1.00

01:05:48.000 I was like, I'll fucking fuck you right here. 1.00

01:05:51.000 Condom? 1.00

01:05:51.000 Shut up. 1.00

01:05:52.000 Right. 1.00

01:05:53.000 I'm literally like, I'm going to fuck this girl right here in this club. 1.00

01:05:57.000 So you cuff me, go fuck yourself. 1.00

01:05:59.000 I was just in love. 1.00

01:05:59.000 I'm going to get her. 1.00

01:06:00.000 This is my girlfriend.

01:06:01.000 This is my girlfriend forever.

01:06:02.000 So I'm kissing and I'm making out and I'm feeling her body. 1.00

01:06:06.000 She's got these little tits. 1.00

01:06:07.000 I'm like, these are small, but it doesn't matter. 1.00

01:06:09.000 Her waist is so hard. 1.00

01:06:10.000 The ass was on another level. 1.00

01:06:12.000 Yeah, she had a beautiful ass. 1.00

01:06:15.000 And I reached down. 1.00

01:06:17.000 And I go for, well, I grab a branch. 1.00

01:06:20.000 I grab a fucking branch. 0.99

01:06:22.000 A branch. 1.00

01:06:23.000 That had been tucked under.

01:06:24.000 And she, he, goes up and pulls my hand away. 0.99

01:06:29.000 And I immediately realize that was a cock. 0.99

01:06:35.000 I've been deep kissing, deep kissing for two hours, so I'm definitely a little gay. 1.00

01:06:42.000 I mean, deep kissing, and I just grabbed a cock. 1.00

01:06:46.000 How did you not know? 1.00

01:06:47.000 You ever felt a cock in tights? 0.99

01:06:48.000 How did I not know, dude? 0.99

01:06:50.000 You can't know.

01:06:51.000 She was taking hormones, obviously.

01:06:54.000 Secondly, she already had that skin, Latino or Filipino, whatever she was, where she just didn't have hair on her body. 0.97

01:07:01.000 She was petite.

01:07:02.000 He.

01:07:02.000 I keep saying she.

01:07:03.000 You keep saying she.

01:07:03.000 She was such a girl.

01:07:04.000 Because he doesn't want to believe.

01:07:05.000 But here's this.

01:07:06.000 Ready?

01:07:07.000 Here's why I'm a good guy. 0.97

01:07:08.000 Here's why I'm a really fucking nice guy. 1.00

01:07:10.000 You let him suck your dick? 1.00

01:07:11.000 Nope. 1.00

01:07:11.000 I looked in her eyes. 1.00

01:07:13.000 She was so hurt.

01:07:14.000 His eyes.

01:07:15.000 He was just like, please let this be. 1.00

01:07:18.000 And I'm such a fucking... 0.99

01:07:20.000 I felt so bad that I go... 1.00

01:07:23.000 I go back in to kiss her.

01:07:25.000 I kiss him for another two seconds, three seconds.

01:07:29.000 On the lips?

01:07:30.000 Of course! 1.00

01:07:31.000 I didn't want to be rude, you fuckers! 1.00

01:07:33.000 Now listen, I'm not done. 1.00

01:07:34.000 I'm not done. 0.99

01:07:35.000 That's totally gay. 1.00

01:07:36.000 Ready? 0.99

01:07:37.000 I go like this. 1.00

01:07:38.000 I go, oh, fuck. 1.00

01:07:40.000 I have an ulcer. 1.00

01:07:42.000 I have an ulcer.

01:07:43.000 My stomach is killing me.

01:07:44.000 She goes, you do?

01:07:45.000 I go, yeah.

01:07:45.000 She goes, do you have to go to the bathroom?

01:07:46.000 I go, no, no, no.

01:07:47.000 I just have to.

01:07:47.000 I have a very bad ulcer.

01:07:49.000 Sometimes it just keeps.

01:07:50.000 So I want to protect her feelings.

01:07:52.000 I felt so bad.

01:07:53.000 Him.

01:07:53.000 His.

01:07:53.000 She had his.

01:07:55.000 So that's how you got out of the situation.

01:07:56.000 That's how I got out, and I left, and I did not come back to that club.

01:08:00.000 I can't believe you went back in to kiss.

01:08:02.000 I didn't want to be rude.

01:08:05.000 What?

01:08:06.000 Wait a minute, wait a minute.

01:08:07.000 I would have been the opposite.

01:08:08.000 Some person pretended to be a girl and tricked you into kissing him and never even told you something that, for a lot of guys, would make them violent.

01:08:16.000 I know. 0.98

01:08:16.000 I would have gay-bashed. 0.98

01:08:17.000 For a lot of guys. 0.99

01:08:18.000 I know.

01:08:19.000 I know.

01:08:19.000 Would you really?

01:08:20.000 I would have been mad if this person tricked me.

01:08:23.000 A lot of guys, it's an experience that they didn't want to have. 0.99

01:08:25.000 I don't really give a fuck. 0.98

01:08:26.000 Okay, for you, but for a lot of guys, it's an experience that they don't want to have, and someone tricked them into doing it, and they could get violent. 0.99

01:08:33.000 And I don't justify it, but I'm saying a lot of guys, that would be their reaction.

01:08:37.000 The fact that you felt bad is very strange.

01:08:39.000 And you went back and then wrote her a poem.

01:08:41.000 Did you kiss him with tongue after that?

01:08:43.000 I don't believe I kissed with tongue, but if I tell the story again, I'll definitely use that.

01:08:47.000 Yeah. 0.95

01:08:50.000 Isn't it funny how a memory from that far back is almost bullshit anyway? 0.76

01:08:54.000 Because it's so fragmented and odd.

01:08:57.000 I can recite the facts of a lot of details of my life, but do I truly recall them?

01:09:02.000 And if I didn't have a language, they wouldn't even exist in my memory banks.

01:09:05.000 I'm tempted to tell you another story.

01:09:07.000 Do it, yes, yes.

01:09:08.000 Please do.

01:09:09.000 That was hilarious.

01:09:10.000 Did I tell you the Jimmy Burke story?

01:09:12.000 Which one?

01:09:12.000 I know a million Jimmy Burke stories.

01:09:14.000 The one where we were both together with two girls on a bed?

01:09:19.000 Yes.

01:09:20.000 Okay.

01:09:21.000 Yes.

01:09:22.000 All right.

01:09:23.000 That's good.

01:09:24.000 Okay. 1.00

01:09:24.000 So I had my best friend's thumb in my ass. 1.00

01:09:26.000 All right. 1.00

01:09:27.000 But that's a whole different story.

01:09:29.000 Joe?

01:09:29.000 What?

01:09:30.000 You put your thumb in his ass. 1.00

01:09:31.000 No, not mine. 1.00

01:09:32.000 No, another best friend.

01:09:33.000 Oh, but did I tell him a podcast?

01:09:34.000 Don't say my thumb.

01:09:35.000 No, no, no.

01:09:36.000 Let's be clear about this, because we refer to each other as best friends. 0.99

01:09:39.000 My thumb was never anywhere near your ass. 1.00

01:09:41.000 I gave the punchline away, but there's a very, very good excuse for it. 1.00

01:09:46.000 No wonder why Joe's always sucking his thumb. 0.58

01:09:47.000 Not on the podcast, man.

01:09:48.000 Oh, well, should I tell him the podcast?

01:09:49.000 Well, it's a little late, because you already gave away the punchline.

01:09:52.000 If you can tell the story somehow or another and make it entertaining even though the punchline is already...

01:09:56.000 I used to have...

01:09:57.000 I used to date...

01:09:58.000 I had two girlfriends for a long time that I had sex with 10 years after the fact.

01:10:02.000 They were just my two girls.

01:10:04.000 Love them.

01:10:05.000 I had sex with those girls that we dated in college and then I dated them right after college and for the next 10 years, maybe longer, they were always a booty call. 0.99

01:10:16.000 Those kind of relationships are so strange, aren't they? 0.72

01:10:19.000 Oh, they're so weird.

01:10:19.000 Even through their boyfriends, through girlfriends.

01:10:22.000 That's the crazy part.

01:10:23.000 How many girls like that have a guy like that somewhere in their life where they just have some arrangements and they just meet up places? 1.00

01:10:31.000 I can always sniff it.

01:10:31.000 I can sniff it.

01:10:32.000 Yeah, right?

01:10:32.000 You can.

01:10:33.000 I sniff it.

01:10:33.000 I know it.

01:10:34.000 Dirty.

01:10:34.000 Oh, yeah.

01:10:35.000 How can you tell?

01:10:36.000 What do you tell most of all?

01:10:37.000 Because they talk about him a lot because he's still in their life.

01:10:41.000 Because he's still really important to them.

01:10:43.000 Oh, yeah.

01:10:44.000 Because they had a long time.

01:10:45.000 I can always tell.

01:10:46.000 Oh, you're saying you can sniff it if a girl's doing it to you. 1.00

01:10:48.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:10:48.000 You can tell.

01:10:49.000 I mean, I know, and it's fine.

01:10:50.000 Does it give you like a nice green light, though?

01:10:52.000 Yeah.

01:10:53.000 You're like, okay.

01:10:54.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:10:54.000 You should be friends.

01:10:55.000 You should be friends.

01:10:56.000 The one girl. 0.99

01:10:56.000 You just automatically can assume that she's doing that just whore rampage. 0.99

01:11:00.000 Yeah, I was that. 0.99

01:11:01.000 Give me permission to find a guy tranny. 1.00

01:11:03.000 No, I was that. 0.91

01:11:03.000 I was that with this one girl. 0.91

01:11:06.000 Right. 0.97

01:11:07.000 Sorry about the tranny. 1.00

01:11:09.000 But I was that with this one girl, and she... 1.00

01:11:12.000 Hold on one second, because it's getting hot in here.

01:11:15.000 I'm going to turn the AC on.

01:11:16.000 Continue the story.

01:11:17.000 I'm sorry for...

01:11:18.000 I'll go slower, Joe.

01:11:19.000 I know the story, so...

01:11:20.000 So she basically was...

01:11:25.000 She was the girl.

01:11:26.000 Both of them were, you know, my girls for a long time.

01:11:29.000 They are down at a restaurant in New York City called Il Buco, which is a great restaurant, by the way.

01:11:35.000 And I get a call from one of them, which is essentially like, hey, Brian, it's such and such and such and such, and we're hanging out, and we really wish you were here, and we were talking about you, and we were talking, telling dirty stories, whatever they were saying.

01:11:50.000 And I couldn't call back fast enough.

01:11:53.000 I was like, where are you?

01:11:54.000 Like, where are the El Bucco?

01:11:55.000 I'm like, I'll be there.

01:11:56.000 I'll be there now.

01:11:57.000 I mean, I was literally like 20 minutes away and I got down there in five minutes.

01:12:01.000 I was at his hand at the cap.

01:12:02.000 I was like, drive faster!

01:12:03.000 Drive faster!

01:12:04.000 I get there.

01:12:05.000 Long story short, because I'm a team player, I call my best friend Jimmy Burke.

01:12:08.000 I come in at a good time.

01:12:09.000 That's it.

01:12:09.000 I call Jimmy Burke.

01:12:10.000 I say, get down here. 0.98

01:12:12.000 That, by the way, is always the code for fucking there's something about to go down. 1.00

01:12:16.000 It always involves pussy. 1.00

01:12:18.000 Get down here. 1.00

01:12:19.000 He goes, be right there.

01:12:21.000 He's there in two seconds.

01:12:22.000 We're drinking wine. 0.99

01:12:24.000 I'm fucking getting them all plied up, talking about it. 0.99

01:12:26.000 I can see the two of them, the two girls, are all over each other. 1.00

01:12:31.000 And I'm like, oh, you want to use me as a bridge to have an experience with each other.

01:12:36.000 How interesting.

01:12:37.000 My two old girlfriends, who subsequently asked me to have children with them, by the way, just to use my sperm, which was very flattering, but I had to say no.

01:12:44.000 But anyway.

01:12:45.000 So, okay.

01:12:46.000 So I'm like that.

01:12:47.000 Jimmy Burt goes, hey guys, let's go back to my...

01:12:49.000 I call him the maestro.

01:12:50.000 He goes, let's go back to my place.

01:12:52.000 Let's go back to my place.

01:12:53.000 I'll blow the fire.

01:12:54.000 Got some weed. 1.00

01:12:55.000 I'll make some fucking chocolate chip cookies. 1.00

01:12:56.000 How's that sound? 1.00

01:12:57.000 Weed?

01:12:58.000 Fireplace?

01:12:58.000 Chocolate chip cookies?

01:13:00.000 They're like...

01:13:01.000 Yeah, okay, sounds good.

01:13:03.000 We get to the place.

01:13:04.000 He goes to the kitchen to start whipping up chocolate chip cookies.

01:13:09.000 He's bringing out some weed.

01:13:10.000 He goes to the kitchen, brings out weed, brings out a joint.

01:13:13.000 By that time, I'm already naked on the bed with the girls.

01:13:16.000 I'm already naked. 0.99

01:13:18.000 And he's like, what the fuck is this? 1.00

01:13:20.000 This is fucking, fuck the weed! 1.00

01:13:22.000 This is fucking great! 1.00

01:13:23.000 And I'm like, okay, I got my guy and one girl's man. 1.00

01:13:26.000 I'm like, working my balls. 0.92

01:13:28.000 I'm like, I'm like, look at him. 0.98

01:13:30.000 I go to Jimmy.

01:13:30.000 I go, I'd rather be nowhere else in the world right now, bro.

01:13:33.000 This is the place to be.

01:13:34.000 This is the greatest experience of my life.

01:13:36.000 Literally, like I'm living a porn right now.

01:13:38.000 And I love them.

01:13:38.000 They're both my girls.

01:13:40.000 So, Jimmy's like, let me take my clothes off.

01:13:43.000 He looks like a red bumpy pickle, by the way. 0.97

01:13:45.000 He couldn't He's fucking hairless, got a piece on him, and I'm like, that's just not attractive to me, but whatever. 0.99

01:13:51.000 So he's trying to get this girl's pants down. 0.99

01:13:54.000 He's got a tongue literally that goes, literally he could catch fucking flies with the tongue. 1.00

01:13:59.000 He's like one of those frogs. 0.98

01:14:01.000 People don't know what an entertaining dude this guy is.

01:14:05.000 He's one of these guys like there's certain people that they go from cradle to the grave and they never become famous and it's a national disaster.

01:14:13.000 It's a tragedy.

01:14:14.000 It's a national tragedy.

01:14:14.000 We call him the national treasure.

01:14:17.000 He's the greatest.

01:14:17.000 He's hilarious.

01:14:19.000 Yeah, he's incredible.

01:14:19.000 He's a Joey Diaz type character.

01:14:21.000 Yeah, that's right. 0.91

01:14:21.000 He's one of those dudes who's just fucking hilarious. 0.91

01:14:24.000 You're so happy you know him because you always laugh when you're around him. 0.93

01:14:27.000 Because he rides around because it's Christmas time.

01:14:30.000 He goes, come outside.

01:14:31.000 I go, what? 1.00

01:14:32.000 He's driving down fucking 57th Street with a cowboy hat on, a down vest in the middle of winter with no fucking pants on. 0.99

01:14:40.000 And I hear him go, deck the halls with bowls of hollyho. 0.99

01:14:44.000 And this woman goes, ah! 1.00

01:14:46.000 And screams because he's driving, standing up on the pedals, and his cock is going on 57th Street in the middle of the... 1.00

01:14:52.000 I was like, you're the craziest motherfucker. 1.00

01:14:54.000 He was three blocks away from his house. 1.00

01:14:55.000 There was a restaurant that I stopped going to, and I stopped going to this restaurant because the last time I went was with you and Jimmy, and the fucking waiter kept interrupting Jimmy's stories with some new bullshit plate that they're bringing over with... 0.99

01:15:11.000 Some fucking description of where the olives came from and how the cheese is cured. 0.99

01:15:17.000 And Jimmy's telling some crazy fucking post-9-11 horror story about hearing the bodies hit the ground. 1.00

01:15:25.000 And this motherfucker comes over with a plate of cheese. 1.00

01:15:28.000 This cheese is brought to you from South America. 1.00

01:15:30.000 And it's a type of cheese that's with that yak milk. 1.00

01:15:33.000 Get the fuck out of here, man. 0.99

01:15:35.000 Put the stuff down and let's be done with this. 0.99

01:15:37.000 There's nobody who tells better stories than that guy. 0.99

01:15:39.000 Nobody in the fucking world. 0.99

01:15:39.000 Yeah, he's so entertaining. 0.99

01:15:41.000 Nobody in the world.

01:15:42.000 It just bums me out that a guy like that sort of just...

01:15:45.000 Well, you know what, though?

01:15:46.000 He always says, he goes, life is my tapestry.

01:15:48.000 Yeah.

01:15:48.000 He just has such a blast.

01:15:50.000 He does. 0.99

01:15:50.000 And he always makes it a good time, no matter where that fucking guy is. 0.99

01:15:55.000 He's taking this girl's pants down. 1.00

01:15:56.000 He's trying to get his frog tongue in there. 0.95

01:15:59.000 She's trying to go down on the other girl. 1.00

01:16:00.000 So she's more into the other girl. 1.00

01:16:02.000 As I'm making out on the other girl, I'm like, oh, is that my cock? 1.00

01:16:04.000 There it is. 0.99

01:16:05.000 You know, I'm just... 0.99

01:16:06.000 I'm sorry to be this graphic, but the point is it was just a fucking fuckfest. 0.99

01:16:09.000 It's craziness. 0.99

01:16:10.000 Okay.

01:16:10.000 So he's trying to get his stuff.

01:16:12.000 And she stops.

01:16:13.000 She goes, wait, hold on.

01:16:14.000 I don't like this.

01:16:15.000 You guys need to do something together.

01:16:19.000 I don't like this.

01:16:20.000 And I look at Jim and we go, oh, we don't do that.

01:16:23.000 I don't do that. 0.99

01:16:24.000 See, I don't fuck around with guys because it's not that I'm homophobic. 0.99

01:16:27.000 She's making you do that. 0.99

01:16:27.000 I'm just not attracted to guys. 0.99

01:16:29.000 And I definitely have a hard-on right now and so does my buddy. 0.99

01:16:31.000 And there's no fucking way. 0.98

01:16:32.000 That's bad enough. 0.99

01:16:33.000 We're about two feet away from each other.

01:16:35.000 I'm not doing anything with my buddy.

01:16:36.000 And this is the girl that Jimmy was trying to eat out, right?

01:16:38.000 Yes.

01:16:39.000 Of course.

01:16:39.000 So she's not liking Jimmy eating her out.

01:16:41.000 Right.

01:16:41.000 She didn't know him.

01:16:42.000 She was more into the girl.

01:16:43.000 She was into, you know. 1.00

01:16:47.000 So she says to Jimmy, and Jimmy can give a fuck. 1.00

01:16:52.000 He doesn't give a shit. 1.00

01:16:54.000 He's down to go. 1.00

01:16:55.000 And if he has to fuck me in the ass to get to this girl, he's like this. 1.00

01:16:59.000 I can see the look in his eyes, and he's fucking like, let's go. 1.00

01:17:01.000 Let's go. 1.00

01:17:02.000 What the fuck do you need me to do? 0.99

01:17:03.000 She goes, I want you guys to make out. 1.00

01:17:05.000 We had done a play.

01:17:06.000 We wrote a sketch where we make out as a joke.

01:17:08.000 And I go, no, no, no.

01:17:09.000 I don't make out with guys. 0.94

01:17:10.000 It's disgusting.

01:17:11.000 Can't do it.

01:17:11.000 I can't do it.

01:17:12.000 I had to do it.

01:17:13.000 There was a part...

01:17:14.000 You said you wrote a play that you guys could both make out with.

01:17:18.000 I wrote this play just so we could make out.

01:17:20.000 Listen, I can't make out with dudes, but I did write this play where I make out with dudes.

01:17:24.000 And I penned every letter.

01:17:26.000 And it's unfortunate that it had to be that way.

01:17:28.000 That I had to make out with a guy.

01:17:29.000 But, I mean, that's just...

01:17:30.000 That's what I wrote.

01:17:31.000 Did I hear that?

01:17:32.000 It's what I wrote.

01:17:33.000 It's called Kissing a Boy.

01:17:34.000 But the point is this. 1.00

01:17:35.000 it smells why is my dick hard why am I crying why god okay it's called why am I crying anyway so so so before I can even do anything Jimmy goes I'll fucking kiss him He goes, get over here, you fucking pussy. 1.00

01:17:51.000 I go to the gym. 1.00

01:17:53.000 He goes, you happy?

01:17:55.000 She goes, yeah.

01:17:58.000 So now I'm back to my girl.

01:18:00.000 I'm back to my girl.

01:18:01.000 And we're locked in and we're making out. 1.00

01:18:04.000 And all of a sudden I feel the other girl's hand around my ass. 1.00

01:18:09.000 She goes, you feel good, Brian? 1.00

01:18:10.000 I'm like, yeah, yeah, it feels fucking good. 0.99

01:18:13.000 All of a sudden I feel like, I'm not an ass play guy to be honest with you, but I feel like a finger going in my mouth. 0.98

01:18:20.000 My mud whistle, if you will. 0.79

01:18:22.000 If I can channel Jimmy Schubert, I'm really going at my mud whistle. 0.96

01:18:25.000 Luckily, I don't got a sewer pickle up there.

01:18:26.000 You know what I mean?

01:18:27.000 So, yeah.

01:18:28.000 So, I'm like, okay. 1.00

01:18:31.000 Oh, what the fuck? 1.00

01:18:32.000 She goes, does that feel good? 1.00

01:18:33.000 I go, I guess so.

01:18:34.000 You're a girl.

01:18:35.000 You know, it went in Rome. 1.00

01:18:37.000 I'm like, fuck off. 1.00

01:18:38.000 And I'm just so into this girl. 1.00

01:18:41.000 And then I feel what feels like a greyhound bus in my ass. 1.00

01:18:46.000 You understand? 1.00

01:18:47.000 A greyhound bus in my ass. 1.00

01:18:50.000 To which I go, oh! 1.00

01:18:51.000 Like that.

01:18:52.000 Exactly.

01:18:52.000 I went, oh!

01:18:54.000 Like that.

01:18:54.000 And I turn around like this.

01:18:56.000 I'm stuck.

01:18:57.000 All I can do is go, oh!

01:18:58.000 I arch my back.

01:18:59.000 I turn.

01:18:59.000 I go, oh, like that.

01:19:00.000 And my buddy's got his thumb in my ass. 1.00

01:19:03.000 And he goes like this. 1.00

01:19:04.000 He goes, you fucking pussy. 1.00

01:19:06.000 Oh, no. 1.00

01:19:08.000 You know what happened?

01:19:09.000 Now, let me explain.

01:19:11.000 Let me explain.

01:19:12.000 Let me explain why and how.

01:19:15.000 She said to him, I'm not going to do anything more. 1.00

01:19:18.000 I will fuck you, but you have to stick your finger in his ass. 1.00

01:19:21.000 You don't have the balls. 1.00

01:19:22.000 And Jimmy goes, what? 1.00

01:19:24.000 I don't have the fucking... 0.99

01:19:28.000 I was like, hey, guy, I mean, a little something here. 1.00

01:19:32.000 I understand wanting to get laid, but to stick your finger in my fucking ass, I go, here's the problem. 1.00

01:19:37.000 I got to tell all my friends now, otherwise we're gay. 1.00

01:19:40.000 Tell all your friends.

01:19:41.000 You didn't tell everyone in the world.

01:19:42.000 You just told a half a million people on the podcast.

01:19:44.000 Hey, you know what?

01:19:45.000 There it is.

01:19:46.000 I told my friends in New York.

01:19:47.000 We told the story.

01:19:48.000 They went like this.

01:19:49.000 My buddy, like Jerry McFadden, they had their hands in their pocket.

01:19:52.000 They listened.

01:19:53.000 They just went...

01:19:58.000 They went here to talk to me.

01:19:59.000 They walked by shaking their head in a bad mood.

01:20:02.000 Could I fly Jimmy out here and have him on the podcast?

01:20:06.000 Yes.

01:20:06.000 Okay.

01:20:07.000 The next time you do the podcast, let's schedule it in like three or four weeks from now.

01:20:11.000 Somewhere before Thanksgiving.

01:20:12.000 I love it.

01:20:12.000 You come out to do the podcast.

01:20:14.000 We'll fly Jimmy out from New York if he can do it.

01:20:16.000 Great idea.

01:20:17.000 I'll put him up in a hotel, the whole deal.

01:20:18.000 Stay out here for a few days.

01:20:20.000 Stay with me.

01:20:20.000 Okay, beautiful.

01:20:21.000 Perfect. 1.00

01:20:21.000 I remember the first time I met Callan, I was sucking his dick. 1.00

01:20:25.000 Wait a minute. 1.00

01:20:26.000 But you were wearing a blonde wig. 0.68

01:20:27.000 Brian, don't you think this show's been gay enough? 0.99

01:20:29.000 You were wearing a wig.

01:20:30.000 What made you want to take it deeper?

01:20:33.000 It was these brain alpha brains.

01:20:35.000 I know. 1.00

01:20:36.000 Shit works, son. 1.00

01:20:38.000 Hey, have you heard about Trey Parker and Matt Stone being investigated by Scientology for the last five years? 1.00

01:20:43.000 Have you heard of this?

01:20:44.000 For what?

01:20:44.000 No, I haven't heard anything about it.

01:20:45.000 Yeah, well, you know they've made fun of Scientology and the whole time.

01:20:49.000 I believe it.

01:20:50.000 I believe it.

01:20:50.000 Yeah, Huffington Post has a really big article about it.

01:20:54.000 You know, in some way, and this is going to sound weird because I'm a huge South Park fan and I'm on their side 100%. 0.84

01:21:01.000 But there's a thing about having a gang like the Scientologists behind you that must be pretty fucking badass. 0.70

01:21:08.000 I mean, you think about it. 0.88

01:21:09.000 Look, I don't...

01:21:10.000 I don't buy into any ideology.

01:21:12.000 I don't believe anything that you can't show me.

01:21:15.000 I will entertain almost any offer except religions made by science fiction authors.

01:21:21.000 At a certain point in time, I step away and I go, wait, wait, wait, what?

01:21:25.000 But as a group and as a clan, let's call them a clan of people. 0.97

01:21:31.000 I respect that they fucking stick together like that. 0.91

01:21:34.000 People love being in solidarity with other groups of people, whether it's Occupy Wall Street, whether it's being a Republican. 0.96

01:21:40.000 I respect people who have solidarity.

01:21:42.000 What I don't respect is when people use lawsuits, use litigious behavior to try to intimidate and scare people.

01:21:54.000 From taking a look at them.

01:21:56.000 I agree.

01:21:57.000 100%.

01:21:58.000 I don't know if that's what they're doing in Scientology.

01:22:00.000 Well, you know, look.

01:22:01.000 Matt Stone and Trey Parker, they're too big.

01:22:04.000 You know what? 0.79

01:22:04.000 I know Scientology can shut down some shitty writers or some unknown people or some people that haven't been established by the media, but those guys have a voice, man. 0.79

01:22:15.000 You can't silence them. 0.96

01:22:16.000 You're going to make it way worse.

01:22:18.000 You start picking on those guys, you're going to make it way worse. 0.99

01:22:22.000 Nobody can fuck you up like they do. 0.99

01:22:24.000 What are they doing? 0.99

01:22:25.000 Are they just pointing magnets towards their house?

01:22:31.000 I actually know a lot of Scientologists because I took class at the Beverly Hills Playhouse.

01:22:36.000 For a while there, there were a lot of them.

01:22:38.000 One of the teachers there said something really cool.

01:22:41.000 He goes, somebody asked me if I was a Scientologist.

01:22:42.000 He had been for 23 years.

01:22:44.000 He had a good answer.

01:22:45.000 He said...

01:22:45.000 Have I taken classes there and gotten immense benefit from some of them?

01:22:49.000 Yes.

01:22:50.000 Have I taken classes there and gotten nothing out of them?

01:22:53.000 Yes.

01:22:54.000 He goes, if that makes me a Scientologist, whatever.

01:22:56.000 Has L. Ron Hubbard's Dianetics and Different Philosophies helped me a great deal in my life?

01:23:01.000 In some ways, yeah.

01:23:02.000 And it was kind of a good answer.

01:23:04.000 He goes, it's a philosophy that helps me a lot.

01:23:06.000 Well, what he did in creating his own religion is he used a lot of excellent principles from a bunch of different ideologies.

01:23:11.000 Take responsibility for yourself.

01:23:13.000 Yeah, a lot of it is good.

01:23:14.000 All the positive thinking.

01:23:15.000 And there's something to be said for his way of thinking about reprogramming your psyche and reprogramming your reward system.

01:23:24.000 You know, attitude and belief and just moving forward in a positive direction, very strong, very important aspects to life.

01:23:35.000 I think so, 100%.

01:23:36.000 I think that, you know, one of the things is just looking at yourself and saying, okay, whatever happens, you can always make an excuse.

01:23:42.000 Whatever happens, I'm responsible for every condition I'm in.

01:23:44.000 It's a better way to go through your life.

01:23:45.000 Well, even if you're not, so what?

01:23:47.000 It doesn't matter.

01:23:47.000 Nobody cares.

01:23:48.000 Yeah, move on from there. 0.99

01:23:49.000 Nobody gives a shit. 0.99

01:23:50.000 What the excuse is, you can have the best excuse in the world. 0.99

01:23:52.000 The problem is the world goes, I know, that's terrible.

01:23:55.000 Next, next.

01:23:56.000 Well, some people just need an ideology, and that ideology works.

01:24:00.000 Yeah.

01:24:00.000 I had a next-door neighbor who was a Scientologist.

01:24:03.000 He was a nice fucking guy. 0.99

01:24:04.000 They were a really nice family. 0.99

01:24:05.000 Listen, man, I've known a lot of them.

01:24:08.000 I've met a lot of them, and I've never had a problem with them.

01:24:11.000 But I absolutely agree with you when it comes to lawsuits and people critiquing them or criticizing them and them going after people. 0.99

01:24:20.000 You've got to let that shit go, man. 0.99

01:24:22.000 And I also think that's probably... 1.00

01:24:24.000 But they're bullies.

01:24:25.000 They're powerful.

01:24:26.000 It's a few people in power who are doing these kinds of things.

01:24:30.000 It doesn't necessarily mean that everybody...

01:24:33.000 It's not indictment by a few, right?

01:24:36.000 Right.

01:24:36.000 Well, you know, I don't know.

01:24:38.000 I don't know the real numbers.

01:24:38.000 I don't either.

01:24:39.000 I don't know the real numbers.

01:24:40.000 But it is a fascinating thing to me that it is possible to do something like that.

01:24:44.000 But it also is very Coen Brothers-esque.

01:24:46.000 You know, it's also very much like another piece of evidence that points me to the idea that the entire world that we live in is a work of fiction.

01:24:54.000 It's not real.

01:24:55.000 It's a part of my imagination.

01:24:56.000 Otherwise, why would this really exist?

01:24:58.000 Why would actors be so vapid?

01:25:00.000 I mean, have you ever met actors when you're on the scene, you're working with them, and you go, this isn't even real.

01:25:05.000 You guys went too far.

01:25:07.000 This is not believable.

01:25:09.000 Did I tell you what, Daniel Day-Lewis, there's a great interview where he said, Daniel Day-Lewis said the funniest thing, because I think he's an incredible actor, right?

01:25:15.000 So I started kind of researching him and stuff.

01:25:17.000 I just...

01:25:18.000 Yeah, he's amazing.

01:25:18.000 We've talked about him on the podcast a thousand times.

01:25:20.000 And he goes, he goes, he said, you know, you guys want to know about my process?

01:25:23.000 He said, you know, if I stuck flowers up my jack and did cartwheels, it wouldn't really matter.

01:25:28.000 The bottom line is this.

01:25:29.000 I sit around all day wearing somebody else's clothing, having somebody else's thoughts, saying somebody else's words, and trying to believe all of it, basically because I am, at heart, a boring middle-class Englishman.

01:25:42.000 I think he said because I'm ashamed of being basically a boring middle-class Englishman.

01:25:45.000 It was a great answer because he looked at the absurdity.

01:25:49.000 Christian Bale, they were like, why do you lose weight so much?

01:25:51.000 He goes, because I'm a man and I put makeup on and I make believe for a living and I got to make it feel like real work.

01:26:00.000 That guy came close to dying when he did The Machinist. 0.98

01:26:03.000 That's ridiculous. 0.95

01:26:04.000 I've never seen a transformation like that. 0.89

01:26:05.000 A lot of people, I remember back in the day when people were first starting to do that, Robert De Niro was one of the first guys to put on weight for a movie for Raging Bull.

01:26:12.000 And I was like, wow, he really got fat for that movie.

01:26:15.000 That's crazy.

01:26:16.000 And I read about his diet. 1.00

01:26:17.000 He was just eating like a regular Italian, just fucking meatballs and pasta all day. 1.00

01:26:21.000 And everybody was like, wow, that's amazing. 0.99

01:26:24.000 But what Christian Bale did was a thousand times harder.

01:26:27.000 He literally almost starved himself to death.

01:26:30.000 He's incredible. 0.99

01:26:30.000 That guy is fucking incredible. 0.99

01:26:32.000 Yeah, it's like, you remember that blowout when he was on, they kept playing it on radio stations where he was yelling at some guy on the set? 1.00

01:26:38.000 It's because the guy on the set's a fucking idiot. 1.00

01:26:40.000 He's right. 1.00

01:26:41.000 That's right. 0.98

01:26:41.000 If you're operating on that level of frequency where you need to really believe that you're in this scene and some asshole keeps walking around tweaking things in your line of sight that's not supposed to be there, it's maddening. 0.98

01:26:55.000 That's right. 1.00

01:26:56.000 And everybody knows that one pestery motherfucker that you can work with. 1.00

01:26:59.000 Can ruin the whole thing. 1.00

01:27:00.000 Anywhere.

01:27:00.000 And you know what?

01:27:01.000 It's his face for the rest of his life on camera.

01:27:03.000 But it's hilarious that they released that.

01:27:05.000 They released that. 0.99

01:27:06.000 And look, yeah, he was going crazy, but one of the things what he was saying is you're not fucking professional. 0.90

01:27:11.000 Yeah, he said, he goes, you're a nice guy. 0.99

01:27:13.000 You're a nice guy, but you're not fucking professional, man. 0.98

01:27:15.000 He's right. 0.98

01:27:16.000 You know, you reach a certain level of intensity, emotional intensity when you do a role like that. 1.00

01:27:21.000 Again, I'm just totally talking out of my ass. 0.99

01:27:23.000 I was just in Zookeeper. 1.00

01:27:24.000 It's true.

01:27:25.000 Okay?

01:27:26.000 I was in a child's movie.

01:27:27.000 I hear you're very good.

01:27:27.000 That was my big part.

01:27:28.000 I hear you're very good.

01:27:30.000 But there's a certain intensity that you reach when you're putting yourself into a part like that. 0.98

01:27:35.000 You see some guy walking around in the background tweaking the fucking lights right in front of your eyes. 0.97

01:27:39.000 Like, come on, dude. 1.00

01:27:40.000 Really? 0.99

01:27:41.000 Like, what the fuck are you doing, Bob? 1.00

01:27:42.000 Put the lights down! 1.00

01:27:43.000 Get the fuck out of here! 1.00

01:27:44.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:27:45.000 Yeah.

01:27:46.000 If you're trying to be great, which is what he's trying to do, and somebody is fucking buzzing around, you can understand it.

01:27:52.000 But we allow them to do like a Batman movie. 0.99

01:27:54.000 You're allowed to do those piece of shit movies in there too. 1.00

01:27:56.000 Make that money, son. 1.00

01:27:57.000 And then come back and do something else crazy.

01:27:59.000 He's amazing. 0.99

01:27:59.000 He's fucking amazing. 0.99

01:28:00.000 But there's only a few of those guys. 0.99

01:28:01.000 There's a few of those Russell Crowes out there that really become a different guy.

01:28:05.000 Like Russell Crowe on The Insider.

01:28:06.000 It's one of my favorite movies of his.

01:28:08.000 Great movie, man. 1.00

01:28:09.000 Scary fucking movie, man. 1.00

01:28:10.000 When you find out how much of it is based on reality, how terrifying it is, how much power the tobacco companies have. 0.99

01:28:16.000 And that's sort of like what's going on.

01:28:18.000 My thoughts about this whole Occupy Wall Street thing, when you look at banks and hedge fund companies and all this corruption and the financial situation that we have right now, you look at it and you're like, man, these people have been getting away with so much for so long.

01:28:32.000 It's like telling them that everything has to be fair now.

01:28:35.000 They're like... 1.00

01:28:36.000 Fuck you! 1.00

01:28:37.000 I didn't get into this to be fair. 1.00

01:28:39.000 I got into this because I met my friend Tim at school and he was two years ahead of me and he brought me out in a limo with coke and hookers and they said, listen bro, we're trading stocks, we're shorting things, we're making millions, we got this fucking town wired. 0.96

01:28:53.000 And you're like, um, I want in and then you all get together in the 80s Gordon Gekko style and start fucking raping the financial system. 0.93

01:28:59.000 That's why they're there in the first place. 1.00

01:29:01.000 They're there to make ass-fuck tons of money through every possible loophole. 0.97

01:29:05.000 Did you read about one of the CEO's wives who got some of the government bailout money to start a new business, like $250 million in loans? 1.00

01:29:14.000 From some fucking guy who's got like billions of dollars! 0.99

01:29:16.000 It's amazing! 1.00

01:29:17.000 His wife, he had his wife do it through some snazzy loophole that they engineered into the system. 1.00

01:29:23.000 You start to feel invincible.

01:29:24.000 It's amazing. 0.99

01:29:25.000 Well, look, the President of the United States, when you know how much they own shit, when the President of the United States says, ladies and gentlemen, poor suffering people of our country, I am going to take... 1.00

01:29:37.000 Billions of dollars of your tax money and I'm going to give it to these cunts that ruin these banks. 1.00

01:29:44.000 And I'm real sorry about this, but they get bonuses.

01:29:47.000 And their bonuses are going to be roughly half of what you're going to make in your entire life.

01:29:52.000 It's going to be half a million dollars is what we're going to put a cap on it.

01:29:55.000 That's the cap he was trying to put on it.

01:29:57.000 He was like, we're going to put a half a million dollar cap.

01:29:59.000 There's no money.

01:30:00.000 Your bank is done.

01:30:01.000 You can't give a bonus if there's no money.

01:30:03.000 You don't have a bank anymore. 0.99

01:30:05.000 The reason why you have a bank is because you took our fucking taxes and you threw it back into your system and now everything's spinning and you want to shit out bonuses. 0.99

01:30:12.000 What kind of contract do you have where you have a bonus when the bank breaks? 0.99

01:30:17.000 It literally breaks!

01:30:19.000 But what message are they telling us when the president tells all the poor people of this country where the middle class is falling apart, poverty is an all-time level, 47% of all of Detroit's illiterate, I mean literally the infrastructure, everything's falling apart.

01:30:36.000 And he's like, I'm going to limit it to a half a million dollars.

01:30:39.000 Like, what?!

01:30:39.000 First of all, he can't limit anything.

01:30:42.000 And the other thing is that I think at the end of the day, the...

01:30:48.000 I went to Occupy Los Angeles last night.

01:30:49.000 What do you mean you can't limit anything?

01:30:51.000 Well, what banks will say is when you give that money, when you give that TARP money to a bank, and they're going to use it for various things, they're using it to operate their business, to keep their business afloat.

01:31:06.000 And the biggest problem was that these banks came to someone like Obama.

01:31:10.000 Well, actually, not to Obama.

01:31:11.000 Bush at the time. 1.00

01:31:12.000 He's the fucking president. 1.00

01:31:13.000 He goes to them and says, listen, no bonuses, you fucks. 1.00

01:31:17.000 He's not allowed to. 0.99

01:31:18.000 He's not allowed to.

01:31:19.000 Change the rule!

01:31:20.000 He wouldn't get away with it. 1.00

01:31:21.000 Get away with it with who is the fucking president! 1.00

01:31:24.000 Who's running shit? 1.00

01:31:25.000 That tells you. 1.00

01:31:26.000 The banks.

01:31:27.000 The banks were too big to fail, and that's the biggest problem.

01:31:30.000 Oh, that's a philosophy.

01:31:32.000 That's a philosophical issue.

01:31:34.000 It may be, but when you have a situation where most economists are saying to the president, look, the central nervous system of this economy is going to collapse if you don't I'm not saying this is good.

01:31:45.000 I understand the arguments for the bailout.

01:31:46.000 The biggest problem is that these banks weren't dealing with their own money.

01:31:51.000 They were taking risks with your money, not with theirs.

01:31:54.000 That is a huge problem.

01:31:55.000 It is a huge problem, but that's not my point. 0.99

01:31:57.000 My point is that you have these giant fucking... 0.98

01:31:59.000 We bailed them out and we were still giving them bonuses. 1.00

01:32:01.000 Exactly.

01:32:01.000 They were still doling out bonuses.

01:32:03.000 It shows you how blatant it is.

01:32:05.000 The way they justified it was this.

01:32:07.000 They said, if we don't give bonuses...

01:32:08.000 Then those guys will go to other corporations and we'll go under. 1.00

01:32:11.000 Yeah, suck my cock. 1.00

01:32:12.000 I will say that the banks have paid back all that money, though, which is pretty impressive. 1.00

01:32:15.000 That is pretty crazy.

01:32:16.000 Yeah, they paid it all back.

01:32:17.000 That just shows you how quick they've been stealing left and right.

01:32:18.000 Good deal for the government.

01:32:19.000 Good deal.

01:32:20.000 The government made a lot of interest on that.

01:32:21.000 Did they really?

01:32:21.000 Yes.

01:32:22.000 So every bank is paid back?

01:32:24.000 Every bank is paid.

01:32:24.000 The money's been paid back and they made a lot of interest.

01:32:26.000 So why is the economy fixed?

01:32:28.000 The economy's not fixed, I think, primarily because...

01:32:30.000 It was fake.

01:32:31.000 No, I think that the U.S. is having to compete with China and India and a lot of other countries, and we are truly becoming a global economy.

01:32:40.000 And I don't think in a lot of ways the U.S. has gotten ready for that.

01:32:42.000 But we're not making anything other than Corvettes.

01:32:45.000 What else do we make that's badass?

01:32:46.000 That's the problem.

01:32:46.000 We make Corvettes and Cadillacs.

01:32:48.000 Our economy actually still is run on ideas. 0.97

01:32:52.000 Although I have a Mustang, I have to say it's pretty fucking badass.

01:32:54.000 Well, the US exports ideas. 0.91

01:32:57.000 The US is an ideal economy, and that's a good thing to be.

01:33:00.000 Remember, most innovation by a long shot comes out of the United States.

01:33:03.000 Even the Mustang is an idea.

01:33:05.000 I have a GT500. On paper, it's a stupid car. 1.00

01:33:09.000 It's got a manual transmission with a cue ball for a shifter. 1.00

01:33:12.000 It's got a 540 horsepower engine.

01:33:14.000 The tires slide all over the place whenever you hit the gas.

01:33:18.000 Tires slide in second gear all the time. 0.98

01:33:20.000 It's a ridiculous car, but it's fun as fuck, and it's a truly American car. 0.99

01:33:26.000 Like, you hear it, the engine, the ridiculousness of it. 1.00

01:33:29.000 The excessive nature of it.

01:33:30.000 All of it, and the fun of it.

01:33:31.000 It's got a lot of low-end torque. 0.78

01:33:33.000 You know, you hit that low-end torque on a big fucking V8 with a supercharger, you can hear the whine and The U.S. exports a lot of ideas and fun. 0.95

01:33:43.000 Their culture is fun. 0.97

01:33:44.000 Rock and roll. 1.00

01:33:45.000 That's not the only reason why our culture is fucked up. 1.00

01:33:48.000 Or rather, our financial system is fucked up. 1.00

01:33:50.000 It's fucked up because of corruption and greed. 0.99

01:33:52.000 And what you said earlier, which I always say as well, it should be real clear. 1.00

01:33:55.000 One piece of gold equals one donkey.

01:33:57.000 That's my standard way of bringing it.

01:33:59.000 When you start getting into derivatives and shorting and gambling, I mean, that is Vegas.

01:34:04.000 You're going Vegas on here.

01:34:05.000 You're gambling.

01:34:06.000 But then there's also, but there is room.

01:34:08.000 There is room to leverage.

01:34:09.000 There is room for borrowing.

01:34:10.000 There is room for credit.

01:34:11.000 Okay, borrowing and credit, yes.

01:34:12.000 But why is there room for things like derivatives and shorting?

01:34:16.000 Well, a lot of those derivatives and stuff, back when it was working, a lot of those derivatives and When I was working.

01:34:22.000 Well, it allowed people to minimize risk so that banks would lend money because they could minimize risk with derivatives.

01:34:28.000 And as long as that was self-contained, derivatives put a lot of wealth back in the system.

01:34:34.000 I think what happened ultimately was a lot of economists and historians are starting to talk about This was also a function of the rise of the East.

01:34:43.000 It was also a function of the fact that other countries were buying and investing in the US housing market.

01:34:48.000 Think about it.

01:34:49.000 If you have big, big central banks who are saying, we want to buy your housing debt, what happens?

01:34:56.000 That means I can bundle mortgages and sell them at a profit.

01:35:01.000 Guess what?

01:35:01.000 It makes it a lot cheaper.

01:35:03.000 Now when people get a mortgage, it's worth something.

01:35:05.000 Of course I'm going to lend you a mortgage for no money.

01:35:07.000 I can make money on the mortgage.

01:35:08.000 I can sell it to Germany.

01:35:09.000 And a lot of it was that.

01:35:11.000 A lot of it was people in this country, a lot of whom you and I know, who said, I'm going to start treating my house like it's a commodity.

01:35:17.000 Not like it's a place to live, but rather a way to make money. 0.98

01:35:20.000 And that was pretty fucking rampant. 0.95

01:35:22.000 So a lot of this was human overreaction to a new set of rules, to a new world. 0.99

01:35:29.000 And just fucking human nature. 0.99

01:35:31.000 Just greed. 1.00

01:35:31.000 Human nature. 1.00

01:35:32.000 When they find holes in the system.

01:35:33.000 And Brian, you were saying that you went to Occupy Wall Street?

01:35:35.000 What was that like?

01:35:36.000 Yeah, it was exactly what I thought it was going to be.

01:35:38.000 What was crazy is that I have these combat boots, like those safari combat boots I bought at a surplus store.

01:35:45.000 So did they think you were a government?

01:35:46.000 Yeah, I decided to wear them because of that reason.

01:35:49.000 Oh, really?

01:35:49.000 Yeah.

01:35:50.000 I don't know, just for fun.

01:35:52.000 So you wore government-issue boots so they would think that you're a bad guy.

01:35:55.000 Yeah, just to see what would happen.

01:35:58.000 Amazingly, I got a parking spot right across the street from it.

01:36:02.000 Yeah, none of them have cars.

01:36:03.000 No, no, it was like this cop car pulled out right when I got there.

01:36:06.000 And so, like, all these people were kind of, you know, like, bored, sitting on the lawn, staring at me. 0.98

01:36:11.000 So I come up, and there's, like, people getting their tits painted. 0.97

01:36:13.000 And I'm like, this is awesome. 0.98

01:36:15.000 That's good.

01:36:15.000 Yeah, that's good.

01:36:16.000 And then immediately I pull out my phone, and this guy comes up right up to me and goes, Hey, man, can I have a cigarette?

01:36:22.000 Like, right in my face.

01:36:23.000 Like, he looked like Charles Manson. 0.99

01:36:25.000 And I was like, oh, shit, this is, yeah, sure, get out of my face, you know? 0.99

01:36:28.000 And then I keep on walking. 0.99

01:36:29.000 I'm looking at my phone.

01:36:30.000 Now I'm kind of freaking out a little because I'm by myself.

01:36:33.000 And it is a little...

01:36:34.000 I mean, I don't know if you've ever been downtown Los Angeles.

01:36:36.000 It's kind of scary downtown Los Angeles.

01:36:37.000 Yeah, we film a lot of Fear Factor episodes down there.

01:36:39.000 Yeah.

01:36:40.000 So there was kind of like this element around that area that's like, hey, there's a new apartment complex opening up for the homeless people type thing.

01:36:48.000 Because it was like a village.

01:36:49.000 They had first aid.

01:36:51.000 They had libraries.

01:36:54.000 There's donations coming in.

01:36:55.000 That feed this whole entire block, the state capitol building or whatever.

01:37:02.000 And then this other guy kind of staring at me and he comes up to me and goes, hey man, can you check the score for me?

01:37:07.000 And I'm like, score for what?

01:37:09.000 And he goes, Pittsburgh.

01:37:10.000 And I'm like, I have no idea what he's talking about.

01:37:14.000 So he's asking to check it on your phone?

01:37:15.000 Yeah.

01:37:16.000 What? 0.99

01:37:16.000 People are asking people to Google shit for him now? 0.99

01:37:19.000 Can I get a cigarette? 0.99

01:37:21.000 It's not good enough now.

01:37:21.000 Can you Google me the score?

01:37:23.000 And the whole time he's staring my phone down.

01:37:25.000 So I think maybe he saw my government-issued boots and was trying to figure out...

01:37:29.000 Because I had a shaved head, like a military haircut, and wearing the coat from Taxi Driver or whatever. 0.89

01:37:35.000 Well, obviously, we had Kevin Pereira from Attack of the Show on here the other day, and we were talking about agent provocateurs, government people who are sent in to break up, calm protests, and turn them into violent protests so they can bring them in and fucking arrest everybody. 0.79

01:37:48.000 It's common.

01:37:48.000 Yeah.

01:37:48.000 Tactic.

01:37:49.000 It's smart, really. 1.00

01:37:50.000 They get tired of all these fucking hippies and their banjos. 0.99

01:37:52.000 So this guy's kind of freaking me. 1.00

01:37:53.000 So they look out for them now.

01:37:54.000 I've been impressed with how, when I hear the Occupy Wall Street people, a lot of them are people who are actually educated, who just can't find a job, and are trying to find the answers themselves.

01:38:04.000 That wasn't really the case as much as I thought it would be.

01:38:07.000 This was mostly...

01:38:09.000 By the way, we're not in Wall Street.

01:38:10.000 This is Los Angeles.

01:38:10.000 No, no, no.

01:38:11.000 There's a lot of weird...

01:38:13.000 LA doesn't really have a financial...

01:38:15.000 I mean, it has a small financial district, but it's...

01:38:18.000 It's not like...

01:38:19.000 Yeah.

01:38:19.000 I don't even know where you would occupy downtown Los Angeles.

01:38:22.000 It's got clothing companies.

01:38:24.000 They go near government buildings.

01:38:25.000 So this guy's kind of freaking me out.

01:38:27.000 He's checking me up and down and stuff like that, and I'm like, all right, this is kind of sad to take care of. 1.00

01:38:31.000 So you get it for trolling, you fuck. 1.00

01:38:33.000 I know. 1.00

01:38:33.000 But then my friend who's running the live stream and all the media coverage of the whole place, he called me over and so kind of rescued me. 1.00

01:38:41.000 And so I go through this rap.

01:38:43.000 Who's this guy?

01:38:43.000 My friend C. Hang.

01:38:45.000 He's C. Hong on Twitter.

01:38:48.000 So, there was a rap battle going on on stage because there's entertainment throughout the day.

01:38:53.000 There's speakers, there's local musicians and comics, you know, like Jeffrey Ross.

01:38:57.000 Yeah, I saw Jeff do a set.

01:38:58.000 Yeah.

01:38:59.000 And so, it was cool.

01:39:00.000 I sat there and watched this rap concert for a while where people were handing off the mic and this homeless guy was, like, looking guy was, like, bouncing, like...

01:39:09.000 Pop cans on his head while rapping.

01:39:12.000 I was like, wow, you don't see this every day, you know?

01:39:14.000 So it was like the entertainment value is pretty sweet.

01:39:16.000 Smelled like BO though, like crazy.

01:39:18.000 And then they took me to the media event where they do all the live interviews and all the media stuff and it's all like generators and solar collectors And then there's tons of computers.

01:39:27.000 And then this girl just out of nowhere comes up to my friend C and was like, hey, I want to donate these laptops.

01:39:33.000 And gave her like three laptops.

01:39:34.000 And I was like, wow, this is really badass. 0.99

01:39:36.000 I need to start occupying Burbank outside of Best Buy or something, you know, and get some shit. 0.99

01:39:41.000 Oh, Brian. 1.00

01:39:42.000 Brian, you silly goose. 0.99

01:39:44.000 But then they took me through the whole thing. 1.00

01:39:45.000 And there was like drum circles.

01:39:47.000 It seemed pretty cool.

01:39:49.000 I've never seen a good drum circle. 0.99

01:39:51.000 Never been there where I went, fuck, this is the spot to be right now. 0.97

01:39:53.000 I haven't really played the drums. 0.98

01:39:55.000 If anything, it seems like the more I walked around, I did see the people trying to sit down and come up with solutions and ideas.

01:40:03.000 So you did see the good part of what's...

01:40:05.000 But the majority of it was just like...

01:40:07.000 It looked like a bunch of...

01:40:08.000 Deadheads.

01:40:09.000 I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

01:40:11.000 I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

01:40:12.000 I think that's just going to be the case no matter what with any sort of a movement.

01:40:16.000 But this is a very exciting time, man.

01:40:18.000 There's never been a time where this many people have got together and had a peaceful demonstration. 1.00

01:40:23.000 Pooping in the shit. 1.00

01:40:24.000 Shitting in the street is not exactly peaceful. 1.00

01:40:26.000 There's a little bit of violence involved in that. 1.00

01:40:28.000 You know, they're shitting all over the fucking street. 0.99

01:40:30.000 You go anywhere near Wall Street, New York, and people are shitting everywhere. 1.00

01:40:33.000 It smells like human shit everywhere. 1.00

01:40:36.000 I felt like such an ass because I had a tin can, and there was those three different colors of trash cans, like the green, the black, and the blue. 1.00

01:40:43.000 Oh, I'm sitting there going, which one is it? 0.98

01:40:45.000 Green is grass.

01:40:46.000 Blue.

01:40:46.000 What's blue?

01:40:47.000 Wait, no, it's like water bottles, and this is a can.

01:40:50.000 Is it black? 0.93

01:40:51.000 Do I just throw it?

01:40:51.000 So I'm trying to figure it out.

01:40:53.000 It's color-coded?

01:40:53.000 They didn't say recycling?

01:40:55.000 No.

01:40:55.000 It was a green trash can?

01:40:56.000 Oh, that's ridiculous. 0.97

01:40:57.000 I think you're supposed to know the colors. 1.00

01:40:59.000 Human shit still bothering you? 1.00

01:41:00.000 Yeah! 1.00

01:41:00.000 Yeah, there's shit everywhere, man. 1.00

01:41:01.000 Well, they have to. 1.00

01:41:02.000 There's a lot of people sleeping there, but people have their kids there and everything.

01:41:05.000 They have porta-potties.

01:41:06.000 This is, yeah, and sometimes we use them.

01:41:08.000 Actually, it was really cleaner.

01:41:10.000 Okay, but again, we're talking about the Los Angeles one.

01:41:13.000 The Los Angeles one is a different animal than the New York one.

01:41:15.000 The New York one, man, the videos of the New York one, they're really shocking.

01:41:18.000 And here's what's really crazy.

01:41:21.000 Wall Street has, not only have they donated $4.6 million to the police, but they also started hiring the police.

01:41:28.000 It's something that most people don't know.

01:41:29.000 You can hire a police officer for roughly $37 an hour.

01:41:33.000 So all these Wall Street firms are hiring tons of cops, off-duty cops, to do paid work there, and they work as a police officer with a real badge and a real gun and a real ability to arrest, but they're working for the bank!

01:41:47.000 So it's a loophole where these are police officers, but they are doing the bidding of the bank.

01:41:55.000 They're working for the bank.

01:41:57.000 They're not like the bank says, hey, police officers, can you organize your own police presence around this area and put as many police officers as you see fit and I guess you guys work for the state and maybe we'll throw in a picnic for you and we'll help generate some money to pay for all this extra revenue that's going to cost you.

01:42:16.000 It's like Blackwater.

01:42:16.000 No, they pay them!

01:42:17.000 They're paying!

01:42:18.000 It's like Blackwater.

01:42:19.000 Blackwater for cops.

01:42:20.000 They're paying the cops!

01:42:21.000 So they tell the cops where to go.

01:42:23.000 Wow.

01:42:23.000 Wow, I didn't know that.

01:42:24.000 Nine! 1.00

01:42:25.000 It's fucking crazy. 0.99

01:42:26.000 I didn't know that was legal. 1.00

01:42:27.000 Yes!

01:42:27.000 You think it shouldn't be.

01:42:28.000 But I think Koch, Mayor Koch came up with that.

01:42:32.000 I think it was in the 90s that they had that.

01:42:34.000 I think the biggest...

01:42:35.000 People have always had that, though.

01:42:36.000 that bill.

01:42:36.000 I think the biggest threat facing all of us as far as this whole situation talking about this, I think the real enemy is that we are slowly or maybe very quickly losing our representative government.

01:42:49.000 And what I mean by that is that this government, and James Madison warned about this.

01:42:53.000 He said the one thing you have to be careful of in a democracy like this is special interests.

01:42:58.000 The Constitution says you are allowed to petition your government.

01:43:01.000 That's a constitutional right.

01:43:02.000 It should be a constitutional right.

01:43:03.000 The problem is that our country now is being run by small bands of very energetic, well-financed fanatics. 0.80

01:43:12.000 And when you are a representative in the House of Representatives, if you are a congressman, if you are even a senator, but especially a congressman, you don't do a goddamn thing unless you check with that lobby, unless you check with the people that finance Your campaign.

01:43:29.000 And the people that have real power in Washington are fundraisers and lobbying groups.

01:43:34.000 Now, James Madison said what's going to happen is these lobbyists will offset each other with their different, and it'll be competing interests and stuff.

01:43:41.000 It hasn't happened. 0.98

01:43:42.000 In fact, what seems to be happening is that some of these groups have so much fucking money. 0.96

01:43:47.000 And if you look at Potomac, where they all live, or just Washington area, that is the highest per capita income in the country. 0.97

The Joe Rogan Experience - October 24, 2011

Joe Rogan Experience #150 - Bryan Callen (Part One)

Episode Stats

Summary

Transcript