On this episode of the Joe Rogan Experience Podcast, the boys talk about masturbation, the new Fleshlight, and Sam Tripoli's first time with a vibrator. Also, we talk about the new AlphaBrain supplement and the new No Potatoes pill. Joe also talks about how much he's getting paid for his time on the show and how much money he's making as a stand-up comic. And, of course, we get into the politics of the Occupy Wall Street movement and how it's going to affect the future of the economy. This episode is brought to you by The Fleshlight and AlphaBrain. Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. Special thanks to our sponsor, Onnit. If you go to JoeRogan.net and click on the link below and enter the code "Rogan" you will get 15% off the most popular sex toy for men, the Fleshlight. Onnit is a sex toy company in the world. They have the best selection of all the best sex toys on the market, including the number one sex toy, the best vibrator, the biggest vibrator on the planet, the most comfortable and most comfortable to use. They also have the most affordable sex toy in the entire world. AlphaBrain is a 5HTP supplement. and they make the best brain boost you can get! Alpha Brain is also has the most powerful brain boost in the whole world. AlphaBrain can help you get a better night out of your brain and improve your day. . We hope you enjoy your day off! Joe Rogans Experience Podcast! -Joe Rogan -Sam Tripoli - Sam Tripoli - AlphaBrain - Alpha Brain - Alphabrain - No Potions - Nootropic Brain - Nootropics - No Pros and No Cons - No Pots & No Fucks, No Fucking Effing Effing Goodness and much more! Thanks to Onnit! -Ron & Ron and Chris, Joe Rogan Experience Podcast. -Jonah Rogan Podcast, Jonah and Sam Rogan - Jonah & Sam Rogans Podcast, and Jonah, and the rest of the boys at Onnit, and more! -and much more!! (featuring Ron and the crew at , Sam Tripoli Thank you!
00:00:54.000I do shows and I have like a sex toy company named Fun Factory does my live shows with me and they have the Cadillacs of fucking vibrators and girls go crazy over that shit.
00:02:09.000I think, you know, people are like, well, some people are not going to want to associate with you because you're associated with the fleshlight.
00:03:32.000And, you know, there's a lot of controversy about it, though.
00:03:34.000There's controversy about the science behind it, and we are doing the best to clear up all that stuff.
00:03:38.000I'm going to release a new document tonight.
00:03:40.000I think it might already be up there on it for people who are concerned about the amount of L-dopa in it from a bean, the velvet bean, actually.
00:05:05.000And the cordyceps mushroom is a mushroom that enhances your body's ability to utilize oxygen.
00:05:10.000Olympic athletes in China used it and won a bunch of medals.
00:05:14.000And this mushroom, we've known for many, many hundreds of years that people in Tibet and people in high altitudes will eat certain roots and certain plants to make them feel better.
00:05:25.000Like, you know, in the Andes, where...
00:05:28.000In Peru, rather, they chew cocoa leaves, you know, because they're like way up high in the mountains.
00:05:34.000And, you know, they figured out, well, what's the best nutrient to help us up here?
00:05:38.000Well, it turns out it's fucking cocaine.
00:05:42.000But people have been taking these extracts, you know, like velvet bean, especially one of the ingredients in alpha brain, they've been taking it for thousands of years.
00:05:50.000And if you think it's too expensive, I totally understand.
00:05:53.000We use the best ingredients available, and it's not cheap.
00:05:57.000So, what I would suggest you do is go to the website.
00:06:00.000If you're interested in nootropics, first of all, just read up on them.
00:06:04.000Just enter in the word nootropic, N-O-O-tropic, and, you know, you can find out so much information about all the different compounds and different ones that people offer, not just Alphabrain.
00:06:14.000There's a bunch of them on the market.
00:06:16.000And there's a bunch of different individual ingredients that you can get.
00:06:19.000If you want to try the specific formula that's in AlphaBrain, we list on Onnit.com, O-N-N-I-T, the exact ingredients.
00:07:13.000But listen, if I didn't, I wouldn't say, I mean, if I didn't have a piece in it, I wouldn't say anything different than what I'm saying now.
00:10:31.000There's a group of people, believe it or not, called the Lobster Liberation Group.
00:10:34.000And these motherfuckers, they go out and they break into markets and restaurants and they take the lobsters out and they release them in the wild.
00:10:43.000Could you fucking imagine how dumb you have to be to risk your freedom?
00:11:01.000Of all the problems, your credit cards must be paid off, your credit must be great, you must be on some kind of salary from your parents, that you want to go save little creatures from...
00:14:55.000What if their heads were that big because they were looking on their screens so much and the internet made their heads bigger and then they all got wiped out and died?
00:15:02.000Do you really think that there could have possibly been an internet at some point in the past?
00:15:20.000Yeah, so you've got to go way back, because six we know.
00:15:22.000We go to six and we know, like, they know that Sumerian text, they know they wrote in cuneiform, it's just weird, it looks like little, like, nails.
00:16:11.000I wouldn't trust anyone named Zechariah ever.
00:16:13.000He was a bad motherfucker, but he was a believer.
00:16:16.000And he believed that the Sumerian text was all about the Anunnaki, which is an alien race from another planet that came down here that is in elliptical orbit, this planet, every 3,600 years.
00:16:27.000And that they came down here to get humans, and they created us from lower hominids by adding their DNA. This is all supposedly in the Sumerian text.
00:19:07.000So they can interact quicker than the speed of light, apparently.
00:19:11.000I can't even talk about it because I'm not exactly sure what I'm saying.
00:19:15.000To me, what I'm saying is like, if you taught me how to say something in French, but I don't know what it means, and if you're like, je ne sais quoi, monsieur?
00:19:22.000And then I just repeat the noises, but I don't know what I'm saying.
00:19:24.000That's what I'm saying right now when I'm talking about this.
00:20:06.000And you hear that a lot about when they talk about, you know, the Illuminati or whatever, when they're trying to, they do certain things to see how people will react over time so that when they want to cause something to happen, they know the exact reaction of what people will make.
00:20:19.000When they crash the economy, they want to see how people react to all that stuff.
00:20:24.000And that was the scene in The Matrix where he's like, you're reacting different than the last seven guys have.
00:20:29.000Because no matter what happens, people are going to do the same thing.
00:20:32.000We act like we're different, and that's the whole thing from...
00:21:32.000So Neo walks into this room and he meets the creator of the Matrix.
00:21:38.000And the guy says that based upon Neo's reaction to what he's saying is that he's different than the rest.
00:21:45.000And basically what he's saying is that The human beings, they keep resetting everything because they keep getting free will, they keep fighting back against the Matrix, so they reset everything, and everyone reacts the same way.
00:21:58.000So they reset it and it becomes another computer program.
00:22:01.000Yes, and he's acting different than all the past ones.
00:22:05.000His emotions are different, so that's what I'm trying to say.
00:22:08.000And then I've read books about how these guys, the Illuminati or whatever you want to call them, who supposedly run the country and they opened the Federal Reserve and stuff like that.
00:22:22.000That's like when I was listening to Magic Johnson today, and they were replaying his whole speech about catching the HIV, and he used the wrong words instead of contracted.
00:22:50.000What a mindfucker would be if you went to a movie and maybe the glitch in the computer program was that when you went to see the movie the second time, there was a scene in it that wasn't there the first time.
00:23:34.000They're all fucked up and homeless and shit.
00:23:36.000They're trying to explain fucking things.
00:23:37.000Did you see that video that everyone's got on Reddit and they're going after this kid in Chicago because he punched this old homeless man in the head and knocked him out on video?
00:23:46.000Yeah, and then they were laughing about it.
00:23:49.000The whole internet's going after this kid because it's one of the cruelest, nastiest, meanest fucking things I've ever seen someone do to an old man who's a homeless guy.
00:25:22.000You know, I think it goes back to this whole thing that sometimes people don't get the discipline when they're young and sometimes that's like spanking or stuff like that where they don't realize the pain that comes with getting hit.
00:25:35.000You know, it's almost like Bill Burr's bit about how like chicks mess with people because no one's ever popped them before.
00:26:45.000It's a free shot at people that feel like they have no friends and they have no one who loves them and no one gives a fuck about them and they'll just take a free shot at some old person, man.
00:28:01.000Especially when you're 17, 18, whatever the hell she is.
00:28:03.000You don't know what the hell you're doing.
00:28:04.000But I have this thing with the bullies, too, man.
00:28:06.000It's just like, I understand the whole move to stop bullying, and it's true.
00:28:10.000But I have this thing where you've got to understand that some of these bullies also really hurt children, and they come from bad situations.
00:28:18.000So it's like, I'm not saying, hey, let's not stop bullying.
00:28:22.000I hate when adults put their issues on children.
00:29:19.000There was something where, like, this one area, and I want to say Chicago, but I'm not 100% sure, that they were going to try to do something where parents were going to be held accountable for their children's actions.
00:30:58.000And I was like, oh, great, I'm addicted to caffeine.
00:31:00.000So I've done it a couple of times where I've gotten off of caffeine, and every time I've done it, I have this weird, like, ugh, for a couple of days.
00:32:01.000He's a world-famous kettlebell instructor, a really cool guy, but he's basically a guy who's lived his whole life with a passion for fitness, so he's always constantly gathering information, and one of the things he's been concentrating on is breathing techniques.
00:32:15.000He's been concentrated on this pranayama and all this yogic breathing.
00:32:19.000And so we did a bunch of these crazy breathing exercises.
00:32:34.000That's what I always thought breathing was.
00:32:35.000But what it is is a much more rapid way of recovery, this pranayamic breathing, and that you can actually control your breath When you become like a yoga guy, like a yogi, like one of those high-level guys, they actually can control their breath and control their heart rate.
00:32:52.000They can calm themselves down when they're in periods of stress.
00:32:55.000So I started doing these breathing exercises.
00:34:15.000There's a lot of comics who like to feel like they're just fuck-offs and they just like to just go on stage and try to remember what their jokes are and don't write anything down.
00:34:33.000Sometimes I just don't mind the silence.
00:34:36.000And then sometimes what I like to do now, if I run into a really shitty crowd, I like to go on my iPod and I get pocket sitcom and I add my own laughter to the crowd because sometimes I don't like the crowd and I'd rather have my own laughs going.
00:34:50.000So I'll do this into the crowd or something like that.
00:35:16.000When you show up at the store on a Tuesday night, that's why everybody likes doing that.
00:35:19.000The reason why people like to stop in in places is because until you become really super famous, where every crowd is your crowd, like Chris Rock or something like that, When you just stop in, then you get sort of a slice of people that they're not as inclined to laugh at you.
00:35:36.000They're not super psyched to have seen you.
00:35:39.000Like, oh my god, we're going to go see Damon Wayans.
00:35:50.000Like, I see comics who get out of there, like, you know, I'm not gonna say their names, but you see them, they're in their crowd, they're crushing, take them out of their crowd, it's just, it's like, oh, I'm back in the gym, I gotta work out.
00:39:17.000I know a lot of nerdy dudes that are suicidal, too.
00:39:20.000I know some nerdy dudes that, especially when they get into their 30s, and their body starts to slow down, and they're still unhappy with life.
00:40:03.000You need to be able to assess your strengths and your weaknesses and find your goals and achieve them.
00:40:08.000You need a lot of fucking things to be happy.
00:40:10.000You need, you know, when I say find your goals and achieve them, I mean like, you know, Not necessarily like your ultimate goal to be happy, but you have to...
00:40:18.000People require improvement in their life to be happy.
00:40:22.000And it might be improvement of just you...
00:41:47.000Things that I'm not doing or some mean stuff I said to someone when I was 10 or something.
00:41:51.000Sometimes that'll come back and you'll get some weird memory of that.
00:41:54.000For me, where I am in my life and what I've done and all that stuff, one thing someone said to me is I asked them how they were doing this.
00:42:04.000They go, a lot better than I think I am.
00:42:09.000Yeah, it's like you're actually probably doing better than you give yourself credit for, but sometimes people focus on what hasn't happened yet.
00:42:42.000There's tons of stuff I would love to do and I'm working on doing.
00:42:46.000But at the end of the day, from what I've wanted to do, I've done a lot of it.
00:42:51.000There's a lot more to do, but I've done a lot of it.
00:42:53.000The most important thing to me when you have that feeling you compare yourself to other people, it's not a bad thing to do, but what you've got to do is only be inspired and have that as an ethic.
00:43:16.000He's doing his fucking second Comedy Central special.
00:43:18.000And I don't even have a fucking hour and a half that I really like.
00:43:21.000You know, my act sucks and I can't keep a relationship.
00:43:24.000Instead of saying that, instead of saying that, Watch some guy that you really love or respect and instead of being put down by it, be elevated because of it.
00:43:43.000You might be right, but don't think about it.
00:43:45.000Don't concentrate on that because if you concentrate on the fact that you're a lazy piece of shit, you will continue to manifest that reality.
00:43:51.000It sounds like hippie bullshit, but it's fucking true.
00:43:56.000I have some thoughts, man, about reality, and I have some thoughts about the use of the mind and the imagination of how it sculpts reality.
00:44:03.000I don't think it's as simple as they want to break it down in, like, the secret and the law of attraction, and I put a picture of this house on the wall, and four years later I was moving into that house.
00:45:10.000Fully formed in their mind, or they saw steps along the way fully formed, and they figured out how to do that.
00:45:15.000I think your mind doesn't just control things in a sense that you bring things out of the ether, you bring things out of your imagination and bring them and manifest them in the real world, but I think your mind actually has an effect on how things go in the real world.
00:45:36.000But I do know that they've done tests where they show that particles react differently if you're observing them than if you're not observing them.
00:45:44.000And I think there's probably something, some unmeasurable thing that's too fucking freaky and far out and really difficult to prove.
00:45:52.000But I don't think it's outside the realm of possibility that your mind might have some sort of an impact on reality.
00:46:00.000Babies are still going to get killed by drive-bys and people are still going to get caught in avalanches just randomly.
00:46:06.000It's not to say that shit can't happen.
00:46:08.000Shit most certainly can happen and most certainly there are natural occurrences that are going to be absolutely beyond anyone's control.
00:46:15.000There's levels of experiences like you get to a meteor impact.
00:47:50.000And not that he's a bad person, but I've always said, sometimes bad things happen to good people.
00:47:55.000But I always felt bad things always happen to bad people.
00:47:59.000And it may not be instantaneous, and the word bad Maybe isn't the right way to describe somebody, but I feel like if you're always putting out energy and you're fucking over your fellow man to win almost, it's going to come back.
00:49:40.000You're doing what you've got to do to get by, but ultimately, you're not respecting yourself.
00:49:44.000And I think we all have a certain amount of appreciation and respect for hero figures.
00:49:48.000We all look at the guy who never lies and always does the right thing and fucking helps everybody out, and that's the John Wayne character.
00:49:58.000And when you look at your own life, and you don't stack up, you're a thief, you stole money from your wife's purse, and you don't want to smoke cigarettes, but you fucking have to, you can't deal with the stress you smoke, you devalue yourself.
00:50:46.000Only by my instincts and only by my morals and my ideals and my mind and I'm gonna be dead honest with myself because I'm realizing this is not gonna last forever and I'm gonna be the nicest fucking human being to everyone I meet possibly and I'm gonna get myself in shape and I'm gonna eat healthy and I'm gonna do this because this is me now.
00:51:04.000I decide that this is me and people have to realize that you are not your past.
00:51:09.000You are not All the times you fucked up.
00:51:12.000You are not all the times you couldn't get it up.
00:51:14.000You are not all the times you were drunk and you threw up in someone's car.
00:52:17.000It means you've got to learn that and the thing about apologizing to someone, once you get it out there, once you've relieved this tension, then it's no longer this burden that you're carrying around because otherwise you have burdens.
00:52:29.000Seriously, I will think about some shit that happened from fucking 20 or 30 years ago and I'll be like, I should have been nicer to her.
00:52:37.000Or, oh, I shouldn't have talked to him that way.
00:52:39.000And it will fuck with me like 20 or 30 years later.
00:52:43.000Oh, there's this girl named Erin McNally.
00:52:58.000And I've always wanted to just be like, I'm sorry that that had happened, man.
00:53:02.000Yeah, well, when I was a kid, especially as I got older and I was more and more angry, I became the first person to pull the trigger.
00:53:11.000I was like the first person to insult someone because I figured, well, you're going to probably insult me, so I'll get you first, you know?
00:53:17.000And, you know, you develop this sort of protective personality like that, especially if, like, you're a little guy and people want to fuck with you.
00:53:58.000No, I mean, I got the main point near the beginning, and then it was kind of like, I just stopped listening.
00:54:03.000I have a real problem in school with anything.
00:54:06.000When something gets really deep into a conversation, unless it's about something that I'm totally interested in to solve some kind of mystery, I just lose interest in it.
00:55:02.000I just feel like in the Naughty Show, I want to explore all stuff.
00:55:08.000And I'm fine with anybody doing whatever they want with consenting adults.
00:55:12.000And so, you know, you can't do Naughty Show and it just can't be like, let's bang, porn star.
00:55:16.000I want to explore everything and all the different aspects of not just sexuality, but just people and their behavior and everything like that.
00:55:23.000And I just wanted to, and I thought it might be interesting to have her on and See what that's like?
00:55:31.000I'm glad you brought this up because I wanted to talk about this very subject because somebody on the message board printed, he goes, I organized my porn folder.
00:58:51.000It's one thing they've proven that experiences will literally shape the mapping of your fucking mind and the way your mind makes correlations and the way, you know...
00:59:02.000The genes are activated because of certain stresses and different things that happen to you, like literally in the womb, man.
00:59:09.000You know, that's why so many people that come from really super volatile environments are like quick to jump and be violent.
00:59:15.000And the reason being is that they're fucking programmed to say, hey, we're going to shoot you out in the middle of a fucking war zone, okay?
00:59:22.000When you come out, it's craziness right out the get-go.
00:59:25.000Your mom almost got shot today coming home from work, and you experience all this inside the womb.
00:59:30.000Your body's like getting ready for war.
00:59:32.000It's triggering everything in that way.
00:59:34.000It's experiences, and you draw from those experiences on how to react to certain situations.
00:59:40.000But back to the training stuff, I believe it's like gay training wheels.
01:03:46.000Yeah, I'm sure there's a lot of dicks going in there, but it's like, that's your job.
01:03:50.000I mean, it's like, there's a bit of sales going on.
01:03:53.000Yes, but, Joe, you should totally open up a club and just call it, like, Houston's, and fly just, all the girls there are just from Texas, and they get flown in every week.
01:04:46.000You do that whole fucking Buddhist thing where you start to think about what is the cause and effect?
01:04:50.000What is the initial starting point for the current behavior?
01:04:55.000Or you have a couple of drinks and you just go stare at tits.
01:04:57.000Do you hear about the place in North Dakota?
01:04:59.000There's this city, some mining city, where the girls are stripping and they're making $3,500 a night because they got so much money and there's like five chicks in the whole entire town.
01:05:10.000And they're taking in applications from around the world.
01:07:12.000When I moved to LA, that was the weirdest thing because where I was from, you know, the Armenians where I'm from are very, like, they look like white people.
01:07:48.000They're like Persians, but the country adopted Christianity, so it became its own little thing, and it never really got along with any of its neighbors.
01:07:57.000So the Persians came into Iran and then became Christians?
01:08:01.000No, the Persians Yeah, well, it was one whole thing.
01:08:04.000I mean, you came into Armenia and then became Christians?
01:08:07.000Yeah, the country was the first country to ever adopt Christianity as its country's official religion.
01:08:14.000Okay, so there's the darker, more Middle Eastern-looking Armenians, and then there's more like European?
01:09:26.000When I went to Mexico City, I went to Mexico City to see Metallica and we flew in and my friends were already there and we didn't know what to do.
01:09:35.000So we're like, no one's here to pick us up.
01:10:03.000And that's the worst thing you can do in Mexico City is get in a taxi because they will kidnap you.
01:10:09.000They'll drive you somewhere, they'll take you, and they'll hold you for a couple days until they drain your ATM. And if you're lucky, they'll let you come back.
01:10:16.000But I don't know if this guy liked us.
01:10:18.000We started talking about hookers and all that stuff.
01:10:20.000Because there's something about me, whenever I land to do stand-up or do somewhere, I always ask, so what's going on in this town?
01:10:26.000And they always tell me where the hookers are.
01:10:28.000Immediately, the first thing they always tell me is like, oh, you can get some girls over here.
01:10:51.000Last time I was there, I was in Cancun.
01:10:53.000It was a few years back, and I remember landing and walking through the airport, and just all these people, like, coming at you to try to give you a ride.
01:11:01.000And I was like, wow, we had a ride already arranged, and I was like, this is gross, man.
01:11:07.000Like, I'm walking, pulling my bags, and like, one after the other, you need a ride, you need a ride, you need a ride, sir, senor, you need a ride, senor.
01:11:14.000Holding up their fucking sign, and it's like, wow, this is weird.
01:12:12.000The guns, they turned up in crimes that were used in El Paso.
01:12:15.000So the guns that the ATF sold to the Mexican drug traffickers, those fucking guns showed up in our country.
01:12:22.000So those guns could have easily been used to kill American civilians because our fucking government is completely incompetent and retarded.
01:12:29.0002,000 weapons were trafficked along the US-Mexico border and many were using violent crimes in Mexico.
01:12:35.000In addition, two AK-47 semi-automatics involved in the program were recovered after a US border agent was killed south of Tucson.
01:12:43.000Wow, a US fucking border agent was killed with one of these weapons.
01:12:46.000So under the program dubbed Fast and Furious, agents with the Federal Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms and Explosives in the Phoenix field office allowed licensed firearm dealers to sell weapons to illegal straw buyers in the hope that the agents could track the weapons and arrest Mexican drug cartel leaders.
01:13:04.000That was their wacky, fucking dopey ass idea.
01:13:08.000They were gonna allow the fucking Mexican drug cartels to get more weapons.
01:13:40.000Yeah, like the whole thing was just...
01:13:41.000Dobbs actually had it on CNN, I think.
01:13:43.000About just how they're trying to make Mexico's broke as shit, and then America broke as shit, and then bring down Canada with us, and then our money's worth nothing, that they just get rid of everything, and it's the Amero, bro.
01:14:14.000Well, I definitely think that people short stocks and they manipulate the market and do stuff like that to get money.
01:14:21.000But that's not necessarily the same people that are the government.
01:14:24.000This is people that are involved in the market.
01:14:27.000The market sort of pays for the government to get the government to do certain things their way that help them and aid them and stealing money and make sure there's a lot of clauses so they get away with a lot of shady shit completely legally.
01:14:40.000But I don't think they're plotting to fucking crash the economy.
01:15:02.000I just don't think they're going to let a flip of a coin decide where that money goes and that they could have some problem with manipulating shit.
01:15:09.000I'm not saying that's what happens, but I would never ever put it past somebody to manipulate something for a ton of money.
01:15:18.000There's too many people who'd have to be involved in rigging the whole economy to collapse, and then you'd have to figure out who the hell's going to profit on this, and then you'd have to follow the money.
01:15:27.000There's no mystery why things collapsed.
01:15:47.000I read this Matt Taibbi article where he was talking about the derivative economy being 100 times larger than the regular economy, whatever the fuck that means.
01:16:20.000It's beyond, but I wouldn't put it past anybody.
01:16:24.000Because when they do that supposedly, what's going to have to happen, and this is such a radical thing, but it would be like you would scrap the Constitution.
01:16:31.000You'd have to scrap the Constitution and rewrite it.
01:16:33.000Well, they've sort of done that anyway.
01:16:35.000They've sort of done that anyway, slowly but surely.
01:16:39.000Parts of freedom of speech, parts of the Second Amendment, the right to bear arms has been compromised significantly in this country, and more and more now that they were trying to do with medical marijuana.
01:16:51.000They're trying to make it so that if you have medical marijuana, you're not allowed to possess a gun anymore, or you're not allowed to buy a new gun.
01:16:58.000They're fucking with people's rights, inalienable rights as non-criminals in the United States of America, as hunters, as people that want to go target shooting.
01:17:15.000They should go to jail for that, dude.
01:17:17.000Just for even suggesting that medical marijuana should be something that you should lose your gun for and not OxyContin and not Vicodin and not a regular drinker.
01:19:15.000You heard what Bill Clinton said, man?
01:19:17.000One of the craziest things that he said about being in office was about the moon landings.
01:19:21.000He said that when he was a kid, just a couple months after the Apollo 11 landing, he said that it was amazing that man put a person on the moon and he worked with his old carpenter.
01:19:31.000This old carpenter said that he thought that that was BS and that those television fellers...
01:19:37.000He goes, I don't believe a word of it.
01:19:38.000Those television fellers can try to get you to believe anything.
01:19:41.000I don't believe man landed on the moon.
01:19:42.000And he said, at the time, I thought that guy was a crank.
01:19:44.000He goes, but after eight years in the White House...
01:19:58.000Just imagine the shit that he saw where he would even pretend that the moon landings possibly could have been faked.
01:20:04.000That he would even entertain that for a moment.
01:20:06.000I don't think we have a goddamn clue as to what really creepy shit is going on behind closed doors when the pharmaceutical companies talk about the amount of drugs that they produce every year that they need to sell and how they up the Oxycontin every fucking year.
01:20:25.000You know, they've upped it so much since we've been in Afghanistan.
01:20:29.000Afghanistan produces all the heroin and that's where they're fucking getting it and that's where they're making OxyContin and we're over there protecting it.
01:21:05.000But look how easily they can justify what they do.
01:21:08.000There was some fucking one of those speeches where they talked about where it was like Obama had jokes written for him.
01:21:15.000And he had a joke about his daughters.
01:21:20.000you predator drone like he was joking right people dating his daughter that he will send a predator drone on you what's kind of a fucked up joke and then when you go look into how many people have died using predator drones how many innocent people have died hundreds of them including like i think it was like 150 children so yeah but it's not the same thing like baseball jokes
01:21:42.000150 children have been killed by things that are ultimately under his control since he is the commander-in-chief of the united states army and the united states military force right he's the commander-in-chief 100 so ultimately he's at the top of the blame list 150 150 babies were killed by missiles from a flying robot.
01:22:03.000And he's joking around about people dating his daughter.
01:23:06.000Well, I mean, I guess I could, but I don't want to be censoring people.
01:23:10.000And if that was the case, people wouldn't be able to post shit because of what they do for a living.
01:23:14.000Like, there's some people that have asked me to change their screen names because their screen name, somebody from work found out their screen name, so they asked me to, like, change their screen name so that they couldn't get, you know, some fucking tattletale at work.
01:23:25.000Couldn't go, yeah, Bob's talking about tranny porn.
01:24:57.000Can you imagine in the future if there was a movie that was designed, probably like Avatar or something like that, like CGI, and every time you watched it, going back to what you were talking about earlier, every time you watched it, a new scene was in the movie, and it was created randomly by a computer generator, kind of like Minecraft, this video game.
01:25:52.000Maybe, but we're also invading Pakistan, and Iran's got nukes, and they're fucking with the Large Hadron Collider and some new laser they're proposing to build in Britain that could punch a hole through space-time.
01:27:11.000He was just in Beirut and he travels all over the world, the darkest parts of the world.
01:27:15.000He says he has to get new passports all the time because he brings his passport and they go, what the fuck, Iraq, Afghanistan, like what are you doing?
01:27:24.000He's like, VBS? And they're like, CBS? He's like, no, VBS. Like, the fuck is VBS? So whenever he goes somewhere dark, he just gets a new passport.
01:29:56.000I'm not judging you, but I'm saying it would be nice for me if I knew that this was made by people who were paid for their labor a really fair price so that they could afford to go on vacation, so they could afford to live in a nice place, so they could afford to have food.
01:30:13.000I think if you fucking work all day, you should not have issues.
01:30:17.000You should not have issues like, you know, I'm homeless.
01:30:19.000You should not have issues like, oh, I can't afford health insurance.
01:30:23.000If you're working all day, your day should be worth something.
01:30:27.000Well, and that's why I think the whole thing is going to collapse, because not just in America, but around the world, because here you're taking these jobs from here, where you're paying a living wage, and you're taking over here, and you're not paying a living wage.
01:31:27.000And the problem is the corporations, they found out that the, you know, the Chinese and all these different industrious nations all around the world are willing to work harder, longer hours for less money, and then thus they can produce shit cheaper.
01:31:41.000And because they found out that, it's like, they're like, well, we have to compete.
01:31:45.000You know, if you want these American jobs, you know, our whole business is going to go under unless you move at least our factories over there.
01:31:52.000And they go, okay, okay, move your factories over there, but sell your Nikes over here.
01:31:56.000You know, you gotta have some Nike employees over here, but, you know.
01:32:00.000And over there, it's like, I guess the stuff's cheaper to sell in terms of, like, you know, what Chinese are buying the same goods as us.
01:32:09.000We pay way more because we supposedly have a higher standard of living.
01:32:12.000But eventually, that's gonna have to go down too, right?
01:32:15.000I mean, if we're not having those jobs, and we're all working at Walmart, making like $7 an hour, we can't afford to buy a, you know, $150 phone or something like that.
01:32:23.000Did you eat any wacky shit when you were in China?
01:33:30.000They don't like Middle Easterns because they think they're all drug dealers there.
01:33:32.000So I couldn't get a car sometimes, a taxi.
01:33:35.000So the only guy that would pick us up one time was this dude who drove what looked like they took a hot dog vending machine and turned it into a car.
01:33:44.000And it literally had like the most jankiest, like shift-changing device.
01:33:48.000And you'll never scream more in your life like a little girl than when you drive through China, through Beijing or Shanghai because they don't follow the lights.
01:33:57.000I've seen so many Chinese traffic accidents online.
01:36:48.000So anyway, he does that and then we were trying to figure out what to do because he knew he was going to throw up.
01:36:53.000And then we suggested that one of the interns lean his head over the dumpster, over the garbage bucket and open his mouth and let the dude throw up in his mouth like a baby bird feeding him.
01:37:50.000Okay, he was in a movie with The Rock.
01:37:52.000This guy stood in front of a bull with a blindfold on and let that bull launch him through the air like a sheet.
01:37:58.000Steve-O did the last movie completely sober because I knew back in the day they were popping vikes and just bang killers so they couldn't feel.
01:40:56.000I don't know who came up with this, but there's these guys in a ring, and they have fucking fists.
01:41:01.000They have things on their fists that are electrocuting each other, like tasers on their knuckles, but they're punching each other with tasers.
01:41:47.000It was either a sword fight or he was going to fight a wild animal or something like that.
01:41:50.000But I remember thinking, like, okay, this is how it starts.
01:41:53.000Because it starts where people hear about it on the internet, and then they go, oh, okay.
01:41:58.000And then somewhere, wherever the fuck it is, where life's not that expensive, hi, Tijuana, you know, somewhere along those lines, they set up an arena, and they just say, well, instead of bullfights, now we're going to have people wearing armor, and they're going to fight lions.
01:42:09.000And I'm rooting for the lion every time.
01:44:45.000I think even if they showed me the story of this poor, sad guy, he has a choice.
01:44:50.000Yeah, he has a choice to fuck that lion up, but I'm rooting for him.
01:44:53.000And we might not interfere with whales because we haven't moved there yet, but if you went back, Thousands, thousands of years, we're in lion territory right now.
01:45:18.000But when you grab the lion, you have very specific rules.
01:45:20.000Yeah, if you're forcing a lion to be there with no choice...
01:45:24.000Where it's not naturally going to be there and it could die because you're trying to make 20. It's like why people didn't like dog fighting.
01:45:31.000It's like, you know, especially when you have a dog.
01:45:34.000Like I said, dude, I'm not saying you should do it.
01:45:36.000But I'm saying if you do do it, I'm going to root for you.
01:47:31.000I think it's like the acts aren't, you know, I used to watch, you know, monsters on stage and just guys who were like, fuck, man, I don't see that as much anymore.
01:47:56.000I think it's weird how they use the same people over and over again.
01:48:00.000Well, that was something that changed, too.
01:48:02.000But now they've definitely opened the door.
01:48:05.000It just seems like I've gone there on some nights where these people are in the main room at 8 o'clock on a Wednesday or Thursday or whatever.
01:48:12.000And I was like, this person sucks so bad, he shouldn't even be in the belly room.
01:48:18.000What made that place great, and it was never perfect, but what made it great was that you could be somebody who was an unknown and you could get up on stage there and start honing your craft.
01:48:31.000There's certain things going on there where apparently if you're on Chelsea lately...
01:48:36.000You know, that's a sign that you've arrived, and you see a lot of people who do that panel now in the lineup, and that's a great show, and she's done great for blowing up some of my friends, but that doesn't necessarily mean you're going to crush in that OR, which has its own voodoo, you know?
01:48:52.000Well, there's nothing wrong with putting people that are coming up, but you've got to put them in between some really good talent, and the problem is they have some talent that really doesn't work anywhere else.
01:49:01.000They have some people there that can't get spots anywhere, but they're grandfathered in somehow, and they've got jokes that are literally 30 years old.
01:49:09.000I mean, there's some people that tell some jokes, and you haven't seen them in a decade, and then they'll go through, they act the same fucking way.
01:49:15.000And you know they don't get that many spots, because there's a gang of them, so they don't put them up every week, but they'll put them up every few weeks, or every three or four weeks, and you would sit there, and you'd see them, and some of them would be bitter and shit, and thinking there's something wrong with these young kids, and they suck, and our generation was better, and you're like, God, you're not even really a fucking comedian.
01:51:17.000He's got a bunch of really good comedians, but he's also got video clips, and they do games, they fuck around with the audience, and they always have porn stars who do things.
01:52:46.000If you're 18 years old and you need money, there is a way to block the whole state you live in.
01:52:52.000If you live in California, you block California.
01:52:55.000And you can block certain cities and then you can cam where you can make like fucking whatever, $5 a minute, $10 a minute.
01:53:03.000They have these things where you have like 20 people in the same room and they're all chipping in more and more for you to stay in these rooms.
01:53:09.000And these girls are making thousands a night from just sitting on their fucking ass masturbating and doing nothing but that.
01:53:18.000It's basically taking advantage of the whole primal, caveman, girl, female relationship.
01:53:26.000It's like when you go to a strip club and the stripper makes eye contact.
01:53:30.000She does all the stuff That if you're at a normal club, that lets a girl know she's interested in you.
01:54:28.000I don't think porn stars should be like Oscar award winners.
01:54:33.000I think everybody has their place, but I don't think it's something you should have to be ashamed of where someone finds something out about you And now you're like, the town like...
01:54:53.000You're talking about guys who date porn stars?
01:54:58.000No, I'm just saying that you don't judge them.
01:55:00.000If you don't judge them, or if you met a girl and then she wanted a date and you found out that she was a porn star, fuck yeah, you judge her.
01:56:22.000A buddy of mine said that he met this girl at a party and she was really hot and she was coming on to him and then all of a sudden this dude came over and introduced himself as the husband and the guy's like, oh, what the fuck?
01:56:32.000And the guy was like, no, man, it's cool, it's cool, it's cool.
01:56:59.000The cuck-holding thing, a lot of the issue is black men and white guys.
01:57:03.000White guys like black men to fuck their wives.
01:57:06.000Because they think it's like this really degrading kind of thing.
01:57:11.000Like sexually, they're like, ooh, that's so dirty, you know?
01:57:14.000Yeah, he was like saying, okay, make him cum, make him cum, make him cum in your mouth.
01:57:17.000And he's like, he goes, part of me just wanted to get up and run away, but it was too late because I was drunk and this girl was already blowing me.
01:58:36.000Women will never understand this, but there's many times in a man's life where your dick will convince you that this is what you should be doing.
01:58:43.000And then you know that she's kind of gross, or you're kind of gross, or the situation's gross, or she shouldn't be doing it, but somehow you're like, yeah, let's just fucking do this.
01:58:51.000And then when you come, the realization that you've been tricked, there's nothing in the world like it.
01:59:12.000Normally, you're driving your life until you have a hard-on, and then when you have a hard-on, it's like you're sitting in the back seat of a really long bus, and some other dude is driving it.
02:01:29.000They take some guy who they know is not going anywhere and that guy will start managing them and taking them on the road and be their bodyguard and hold their money and make sure the guys can't finger them while they're up there sticking their asshole in the face.
02:06:01.000I was out there kind of during the family-friendly Vegas.
02:06:06.000Yeah, that happened for a little while, right?
02:06:08.000Yeah, and then when I left, then it became MMA, you know, Terror Dome Vegas that is like just, you know, where they're like, screw it, we're just the party destination.
02:06:17.000How do you think they made that decision?
02:07:32.000It's so weird that the same amount of people can exist, the same amount of metal, the same amount of steel, the same amount of minerals, the same amount of resources, and yet somehow or another there's no money anymore.
02:10:00.000Hey, have you ever thought about, I was telling Red Band that he should take that thing, that cartoon, and turn it into a t-shirt and try to sell it to make money for the death squad or something like that.
02:10:11.000Yeah, well, we're going to definitely, no, this thing, I'm going to talk to this guy.
02:11:16.000Formal Sweatpants is the name of the game.
02:11:18.000I do something on my podcast where I call Red Band's Rant and we do it at half an hour in the podcast where he can talk about whatever he wants because we'll be jamming and all of a sudden he'll be like, left turn out of nowhere and we're like, what?
02:11:30.000Well, sometimes that's okay, but you've got to let people rant when they're in the middle of a rant.
02:11:33.000You can't stop it, because then you'll stop one of these cool videos that gets made.
02:12:43.000If you go to JoeRogan.net and click on the link for the Fleshlight and enter in the code name ROGAN, you will get 15% off the number one sex toy for men.
02:14:00.000You've got to get coconut water from Thailand.
02:14:03.000I've had some coconut water that tastes like dishwater, so people are still like, dude, why do you guys drink coconut water in the podcast?