The Joe Rogan Experience - October 08, 2020


Joe Rogan Experience #1547 - Colin Quinn

Topics
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Hosted by
Joe Rogan
Guests
Colin Quinn
Mentioned
Kennedy Colin Quinn Caroline Goddamn Jamie Andy Hinton Little Hobo Bill Cosby Jack Ruby Bobby Hillary Clinton Lee Harvey Oswald Jimmy Pineapple Duncan Trussell Lenny Clark Lenny Bruce Chris Rock Bill Hicks Giuliani Giraldo Jim Gaffigan and 130 more
Joe Rogan Experience #1546 - Evan Hafer & Mat Best Joe Rogan Experience #1548 - Roy Jones Jr.

Episode Stats


Length

2 hours and 31 minutes

Words per minute

200.76

Word count

30,362

Sentence count

4,048

Harmful content

Misogyny

55

sentences flagged

Toxicity

610

sentences flagged

Hate speech

36

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

Colin Quinn joins Jemele to talk about growing up in New York City, how to survive in a post-9/11 world, and what it's like to live in a city that's on lockdown. Plus, a look back at the early days of Joe Rogan's radio show on the radio, and a look ahead to the one and only Neil Patrick Harris's new show on Comedy Central's Late Night with Seth Meyers, The Late Night Show with Seth! Also, we talk about how to deal with the aftermath of 9/11, and how to get out of your apartment in the middle of the day when you don't have access to the internet, and why it's a good thing you're not allowed to leave your apartment at night. And, of course, there's a little bit of New York history thrown in at the end of the episode, and who's better than the rest of us? The late night host of the late-night comedy show, Joe Rogans! And, yes, he's still living in the Big Apple! Thanks to our sponsor, VaynerMedia! We're working on transcribing this episode and putting it on a website so we can make it easier for you to subscribe, rate and review! Please rate, review, and subscribe to the show! It'll help us out there find more like you! Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Music by Ian Dorsch. Music by Jeff Kaale. Thank you so much for all the love and support, and we really appreciate it. Thank you for listening and supporting the show. -Joe Rogan and Colin Quinn. xoxo - -Jemele and the late night podcast, and all the hard work that goes out there! -Josie and the good vibes out there at the morning afternoons in the night before the day after the night after the day, all day in the afternoon after the weekend, and the early evening after the evening after night after night by the day by the weekend by the week after the rest and the weekend after the week before the weekend! - Thank you, Joes and the rest in the day before the long day, thank you for all of the days that you do it. Joes & the late nights in the morning by the afternoon by the evening by the night, all the days of the weekend and the long days in the weekend.

Transcript

Transcripts from "The Joe Rogan Experience" are sourced from the Knowledge Fight Interactive Search Tool. Explore them interactively here.
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
Topics generated with Qwen2.5-3B-Instruct.
Hosts, guests, and mentioned names generated with spaCy (en_core_web_sm), reconciled against Wikidata.
00:00:03.000 The Joe Rogan Experience.
00:00:06.000 Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day.
00:00:12.000 Colin Quinn, I had to move to Texas to get you on this podcast.
00:00:15.000 I tried forever to get you in LA. You said, no chance.
00:00:18.000 Not true.
00:00:19.000 Oh, okay.
00:00:20.000 Every time we see each other, we just, yeah.
00:00:22.000 I was always like, yeah, I'll get out there one of those days.
00:00:25.000 I'm glad I waited this long.
00:00:26.000 It's kind of, I can savor, I can appreciate it.
00:00:29.000 I'm savoring it right now.
00:00:30.000 If I was on one of the first podcasts, I'd be like, yeah, I was on Joe's and I was on this one.
00:00:34.000 This is like, you know, you're getting the respect you deserve now.
00:00:37.000 I see.
00:00:39.000 What is it like in the lockdown for you?
00:00:41.000 You still living in New York?
00:00:43.000 Yeah, I live in New York.
00:00:44.000 Is it weird?
00:00:45.000 Yeah, I mean, I was telling everybody, it's very...
00:00:50.000 It's not like...
00:00:52.000 People are like, oh, it's like New York in the 70s.
00:00:53.000 Now, the 70s was a whole different vibe.
00:00:55.000 But now, it's all boarded up stores.
00:00:58.000 The store in my corner, like the corner bodega, basically, just closed.
00:01:02.000 And it was around for a long time.
00:01:06.000 And...
00:01:07.000 You know, it's depressing.
00:01:08.000 Like, you're on the subway, there's only a few people on, and it still smells.
00:01:11.000 It smells as bad.
00:01:12.000 They've been cleaning it every day, and it still stinks.
00:01:14.000 It doesn't even smell better.
00:01:15.000 That's how ingrained it is.
00:01:17.000 And, you know, the pigeons are homeless because Antifa took down all the statues, so they have no place to live.
00:01:28.000 Yeah, it's a very weird place.
00:01:31.000 You can't say, like, people that say it's like the 70s, like, no, the 70s, it was like, it was the 50s and the 60s and the 70s, like, it didn't change much.
00:01:39.000 It was seedy and weird, but it was always like that.
00:01:42.000 This is a drastic change from six months ago.
00:01:45.000 You can't say it's like the 70s, because it's not.
00:01:49.000 It's like something's deteriorated.
00:01:51.000 There's a collapse, and then there's all this weirdness that comes along with that.
00:01:55.000 Well, the 70s was kind of a collapse, but it was a different type.
00:01:58.000 So like in the 70s, all the stores at night would be locked up, but they were open during the day.
00:02:03.000 So at night, if anybody was out after night at night, that was on them.
00:02:07.000 But I mean, but it was not like now.
00:02:09.000 It's just 24. You're walking down deserted streets.
00:02:11.000 There's nobody out.
00:02:12.000 You know what I mean?
00:02:12.000 Have you always lived in New York?
00:02:14.000 Depressing.
00:02:14.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:02:14.000 So it was sketchy in the 70s.
00:02:18.000 Oh my god, yeah.
00:02:19.000 I mean, I did a whole show about it, basically, but I mean, it was basically like, in part, one of the jokes from my own New York story was that, and it wasn't a joke, it was, if you walk down your block, because there's no cell phone, so if you walk down the block from the train after nine at night, people would lean out the window and be like,
00:02:35.000 genuinely surprised, like, good for you.
00:02:38.000 You made it home.
00:02:39.000 If you stayed out after nine, like Times Square, people would go to Broadway shows and By 11 o'clock, it was deserted, except for criminals, because people would leave the Broadway show.
00:02:50.000 They wouldn't go out for a drink or dinner.
00:02:51.000 They would get in their car and get out immediately. 0.99
00:02:54.000 And Giuliani's the one who cleaned all that shit up. 0.99
00:02:56.000 Giuliani cleaned it up, yeah. 0.99
00:02:58.000 Isn't that amazing?
00:02:58.000 That guy gets no respect now.
00:03:00.000 No, I know.
00:03:00.000 He went a little crazy, but he did what no politician has ever done in history, which is he said, I'm going to transform this, and he did.
00:03:11.000 He turned it around.
00:03:12.000 Yeah.
00:03:12.000 He really did.
00:03:13.000 He really did.
00:03:14.000 Maybe a little too far.
00:03:15.000 It may have been a little too far.
00:03:17.000 Times Square became like a mall.
00:03:18.000 Yes, Times Square is very uninspiring.
00:03:21.000 It became like a big Applebee's.
00:03:23.000 Yeah, that's exactly what it's like.
00:03:29.000 Now I look back and I'm like, oh, taxi driver, New York, it was edgy, it was fun.
00:03:33.000 But at the time, it was no joke.
00:03:35.000 People, you know, I glamorized it through rose-colored glasses, but it was serious.
00:03:39.000 Yeah, that's the thing about crime and crime-ridden areas.
00:03:42.000 Like, people always glamorize it after the fact. 0.99
00:03:45.000 But if you're living there while it's going down, it's fucking terrible. 0.99
00:03:47.000 Yeah, yeah. 0.97
00:03:48.000 I mean, most people loved New York once he took over.
00:03:50.000 In the 90s, people forget that.
00:03:52.000 Yeah.
00:03:52.000 That everybody was just like, oh, I can go out at night.
00:03:54.000 Oh, I can work.
00:03:55.000 You know what I mean?
00:03:56.000 Before that, it was crazy.
00:03:59.000 And I used to bartend around Times Square and...
00:04:02.000 I mean, the stuff you saw, you know, was just brutal.
00:04:05.000 You know what I mean?
00:04:06.000 Well, one of the things we're finding out from this lockdown is that it really is important who your mayor is.
00:04:10.000 Yes!
00:04:11.000 It used to be important.
00:04:12.000 He didn't really care.
00:04:13.000 People didn't care who the mayor of L.A. was.
00:04:15.000 Half the people didn't even know.
00:04:16.000 That's right. 1.00
00:04:17.000 And now they're like, who is this motherfucker that's keeping everything closed? 1.00
00:04:20.000 Yeah, yeah. 1.00
00:04:21.000 And the same thing with New York, right?
00:04:23.000 De Blasio from day one.
00:04:25.000 A lot of people are like, ugh.
00:04:26.000 And now everybody hates him.
00:04:27.000 But this is his second term.
00:04:28.000 Yes.
00:04:29.000 He got re-elected.
00:04:30.000 Oh, he swept both elections.
00:04:32.000 That's hilarious.
00:04:33.000 You know?
00:04:33.000 And now we're finding out.
00:04:35.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:04:35.000 Oh, he's a dipshit. 1.00
00:04:36.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:04:37.000 It took something where it was a crisis where you realize, like, this is not a leader.
00:04:42.000 And everybody hated Bloomberg for running a third term.
00:04:45.000 They wish they had him for a fifth now.
00:04:47.000 Yeah.
00:04:47.000 Remember, he was like, oh, he's forced him to run for a third.
00:04:50.000 Nobody misses a guy like him.
00:04:52.000 Could he go back?
00:04:53.000 Could he run again?
00:04:54.000 Because he can't be president.
00:04:56.000 He's not going to vote for him for president.
00:04:57.000 But I don't know.
00:04:59.000 He was so terrible in the debate.
00:05:00.000 It's so funny because...
00:05:02.000 The thing about Bloomberg that disappointed me was when he was mayor, when he first got elected mayor, Daryl Hammond had to bail on some show he was supposed to do.
00:05:11.000 So at the last minute, they asked me to do a favor and do a guest shot at the show, which I go up.
00:05:18.000 Really didn't go that well, but I did what he asked me to do.
00:05:21.000 What kind of show?
00:05:21.000 What was it?
00:05:22.000 A stand-up show.
00:05:23.000 But it was a stand-up show for Bloomberg?
00:05:25.000 Yeah, Bloomberg was trying to get the Olympics here or something.
00:05:29.000 I think it was the Olympics.
00:05:31.000 So he asked me to, you know, Daryl was supposed to do the show and he had something else.
00:05:34.000 So I ran over.
00:05:35.000 I lived in Midtown.
00:05:37.000 I ran over, literally ran over, did the show in front of the Olympic Committee or whatever the committee was.
00:05:41.000 I think it was the Olympics.
00:05:42.000 And, you know, 30 people in this uncomfortable room.
00:05:45.000 And then afterwards, Bloomberg shook my hand.
00:05:47.000 And I knew he was already a billionaire.
00:05:48.000 And he goes, I owe you one.
00:05:49.000 I go, thanks, thanks.
00:05:50.000 He goes, no, no, no.
00:05:51.000 I don't just say that.
00:05:52.000 I always repay my debts.
00:05:54.000 I owe you one.
00:05:56.000 So I was kind of hoping to be president and then I could call in my chit because I never did the whole time he was mayor.
00:06:01.000 I realized he was busy.
00:06:02.000 I let it slide.
00:06:03.000 He still owes you though, huh?
00:06:05.000 Yeah.
00:06:06.000 You got it on a ledger somewhere?
00:06:07.000 No, but I just have my oral.
00:06:09.000 I believe in the oral history.
00:06:11.000 Oh, yeah.
00:06:12.000 I mean, I thought it came right out, didn't it?
00:06:14.000 Yeah.
00:06:15.000 You got it.
00:06:16.000 Oh, yeah.
00:06:17.000 So maybe if he becomes mayor.
00:06:18.000 Can you become mayor again?
00:06:19.000 How does that work?
00:06:20.000 Can't be president again.
00:06:21.000 Can you be mayor again?
00:06:22.000 I guess you can.
00:06:23.000 Yeah, why not?
00:06:24.000 There's probably no law.
00:06:24.000 Well, governor of California, that Jerry Brown guy, he became governor again.
00:06:28.000 That's right.
00:06:29.000 Yeah.
00:06:29.000 So if he can be governor, he's got to be mayor.
00:06:31.000 He was governor in like the 90s, like the early 90s, I think.
00:06:37.000 I think in the 80s.
00:06:38.000 Because I think Johnny Carson used to make those jokes.
00:06:41.000 Confer smoke and crack.
00:06:41.000 Didn't he win again in D.C. for being mayor?
00:06:44.000 Yep.
00:06:44.000 Yeah, Marion Barry.
00:06:45.000 Yeah, Marion Barry.
00:06:46.000 Yeah, there you go.
00:06:47.000 I wonder how many terms he did, though.
00:06:48.000 I wonder if there's a limit on how many terms he could be.
00:06:51.000 You're more politically minded than I am.
00:06:53.000 I don't know that kind of stuff, though, no.
00:06:55.000 How many terms can you be a mayor?
00:06:56.000 Because someone like Bloomberg has got to come back in and clean New York City up.
00:07:00.000 Because you're not going to get there with this social justice warrior attitude that de Blasio has.
00:07:05.000 It's just going to lead to a complete deterioration of that city.
00:07:09.000 Yeah, but it may be too late.
00:07:10.000 You never know.
00:07:11.000 Too late.
00:07:12.000 You never know.
00:07:13.000 I mean, nobody likes to think of New York that way.
00:07:15.000 But it's like, a lot of people, so many people moved that I was shocked moved to the suburbs.
00:07:21.000 That I was like, wow, this is serious.
00:07:23.000 Like, I didn't really believe it.
00:07:24.000 Just because I'm so New York-like, I just, I don't even think in terms of leaving New York, even though, you know, it's irrevocably changed to me before any of this happened.
00:07:35.000 So many people moved out.
00:07:36.000 I was like, this is getting serious.
00:07:38.000 What did you think about that Altucher-Jerry Seinfeld feud about New York is dead? 1.00
00:07:44.000 Fuck you, no it's not. 1.00
00:07:45.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 1.00
00:07:46.000 I mean, look, you can argue either side of it and be right.
00:07:49.000 You know what I mean?
00:07:50.000 Like, I don't want it to be dead, but at the same time, I'm not going to pretend it's not...
00:07:54.000 In deep trouble.
00:07:55.000 Yeah.
00:07:55.000 I just don't know how it gets out.
00:07:58.000 That's what my worry is.
00:07:59.000 I know.
00:08:00.000 Unless COVID gets cured, and then Ari Shafir thinks artists are going to start moving in again, but he's one of those guys.
00:08:06.000 Right.
00:08:07.000 He's got that.
00:08:08.000 Because you need to be gritty.
00:08:10.000 New York City needs to be gritty.
00:08:12.000 He's one of those guys.
00:08:13.000 Never been mugged, that's why. 0.99
00:08:15.000 Never really had the fuck beat out of him. 0.99
00:08:19.000 You do need a couple of those in life. 0.99
00:08:21.000 You just need to know that it's possible.
00:08:23.000 You just need to be like, ow!
00:08:25.000 What does gritty mean to you?
00:08:26.000 Let me tell you.
00:08:28.000 It's not Midnight Cowboy.
00:08:29.000 That's a movie.
00:08:30.000 Real gritty is you get stabbed and then it gets infected.
00:08:34.000 Then you're in the hospital for six months.
00:08:36.000 Yeah, you need to at least have regretted laughing because you're holding your broken rib at least for six weeks in a row.
00:08:44.000 You're like, is this ever going to get better? 0.99
00:08:47.000 Yeah, that gritty shit is like, boy. 0.99
00:08:50.000 Yeah, I see what you're saying. 0.99
00:08:52.000 I know, yeah, some places that are gritty, they're fun.
00:08:55.000 Yeah, no, it's fun.
00:08:56.000 And like I said, when I'm watching Taxi Drive, I'm like, yeah, I miss New York.
00:08:59.000 But I mean, I remember walking through Times Square We don't even have to ask what I was doing.
00:09:05.000 At 12 o'clock at night, by myself, 1980, 81, and literally, they had like thieves' dens above the porno theaters.
00:09:14.000 They had thieves' dens.
00:09:16.000 So like, they had a little turnstile.
00:09:19.000 I went in one once with this kid.
00:09:21.000 He was taking me there.
00:09:22.000 I forget, we were trying to do something shady, I'm sure.
00:09:24.000 And we went up, and it was like 50 thieves, like Oliver.
00:09:30.000 Only New York.
00:09:31.000 Really?
00:09:32.000 Like a gang of people with illegal goods, trading illegal goods, right on 42nd Street.
00:09:38.000 Wow.
00:09:38.000 It was crazy.
00:09:39.000 So you'd see gangs running down.
00:09:41.000 If anybody was, they would just swarm somebody, take their stuff, leave them on the ground, and just keep going.
00:09:47.000 Yeah.
00:10:10.000 Well, I mean, there sort of was in New York, actually, at that time.
00:10:13.000 There's a couple of incidents where, you know, but yes, not like this.
00:10:16.000 This is a different level.
00:10:18.000 This is a luxury that people are able to indulge themselves by putting all, you know, lightning rod, sort of, you know what I mean?
00:10:26.000 Like, the police, to me, it's like a proxy war, you know what I mean?
00:10:30.000 Everybody knows cops. 0.99
00:10:31.000 Everybody knows cops are nuts.
00:10:32.000 We all had the friend that you grew up with, you're like, whatever happened to him? 0.91
00:10:35.000 He became a cop.
00:10:36.000 He became a cop.
00:10:37.000 Jesus.
00:10:37.000 But...
00:10:39.000 But, you know, no one denies that part.
00:10:41.000 Even cops know that about themselves.
00:10:44.000 But that being said, it's easy for everybody to just go, okay, like I say, proxy war.
00:10:49.000 So all the bottled up racial resentment in the country, and it's like the people that have to actually go and say, hey, listen, here's what has to happen.
00:10:58.000 They're going to be the fall guy for that.
00:11:01.000 And that's, you know what I mean?
00:11:02.000 That's what this is, in my opinion.
00:11:03.000 Well, you know what it is.
00:11:05.000 It's like social media only captures the things that are viral, right?
00:11:08.000 The things that you're going to watch are only going to be viral.
00:11:10.000 And the ones that go viral are the ones that are really bad.
00:11:13.000 Yeah.
00:11:14.000 I mean, nobody wants to see...
00:11:15.000 There's no viral videos of a cop pulling a guy over and having to laugh with him.
00:11:19.000 And so, listen, man, you're going 63 in a 55. Just do me a favor.
00:11:23.000 Slow it down.
00:11:24.000 All right, sir.
00:11:24.000 I'm a big fan of the police.
00:11:25.000 Thank you, sir.
00:11:26.000 Appreciate you.
00:11:27.000 Appreciate you.
00:11:27.000 Shake your hand.
00:11:28.000 Bye.
00:11:29.000 Take care.
00:11:30.000 No.
00:11:30.000 Instead, you have some...
00:11:32.000 Asshole grabbing some black woman and pulling her out of the car and body slamming her and you're like, these motherfuckers, they keep doing this. 1.00
00:11:39.000 But you could have millions of interactions with cops and you're only going to see one and you decide that all cops are pieces of shit when there's these hundreds of thousands of cops that are great guys. 1.00
00:11:50.000 They're just Doing a really difficult job and trying to keep it together. 0.99
00:11:54.000 But one or two a week is going to go bad.
00:11:58.000 And that's all you need to know.
00:11:59.000 And everybody thinks that the world is falling apart.
00:12:01.000 Because you see those videos, and those videos get 2, 3, 4, 5 million downloads.
00:12:06.000 And everybody just thinks that all cops are terrible people.
00:12:09.000 And it's not the case.
00:12:11.000 Right.
00:12:11.000 No, exactly.
00:12:12.000 But try telling people that and they think you're a cop apologist. 1.00
00:12:15.000 Yeah, they say you're a piece of shit. 1.00
00:12:16.000 Yeah, you're a white supremacist. 1.00
00:12:18.000 Right, right, right. 0.99
00:12:19.000 Yeah.
00:12:19.000 Stand down and stand by.
00:12:21.000 That's right. 1.00
00:12:21.000 What the fuck was that? 1.00
00:12:24.000 Trump, I tell the white supremacists to stand down and stand by. 1.00
00:12:29.000 And it's one of those moments where you're like, you know, it's basically like the one thing you wouldn't...
00:12:36.000 It reminds me like, not like Nero fiddling while Rome burns.
00:12:39.000 I feel like it's when...
00:12:40.000 All the Roman senators going, so what are you going to do now, Nero? 0.97
00:12:43.000 And he starts taking the fiddle out of the case and like, no, he's not going to fucking... 0.97
00:12:46.000 Is he going to fiddle right now? 0.97
00:12:47.000 He's really fiddling?
00:12:48.000 He's kidding, right?
00:12:50.000 You were saying earlier when we were talking outside that he had just called the KKK... I didn't say that.
00:12:57.000 Somebody else was out there saying that.
00:12:59.000 He called them a terrorist group, right?
00:13:00.000 Didn't he say that?
00:13:02.000 I don't know.
00:13:02.000 Was that the case, Jamie?
00:13:04.000 Someone out there was saying...
00:13:05.000 I forget who said it.
00:13:07.000 He called the KKK a terrorist group like the week before.
00:13:10.000 Or label them?
00:13:11.000 Is that true?
00:13:11.000 I don't know about wording it that way is correct.
00:13:13.000 I don't think he called them that.
00:13:15.000 Well, let's see what he said.
00:13:16.000 Again, he didn't call them that.
00:13:18.000 The White House labeled them that.
00:13:20.000 Oh, the White House labeled them a terrorist group.
00:13:21.000 He didn't say it somewhere or whatever.
00:13:23.000 Right.
00:13:23.000 But that opportunity, it was so funny.
00:13:26.000 Like, he's telling Joe Biden...
00:13:28.000 Right.
00:13:28.000 I want you to say law and order.
00:13:29.000 You can't even say it.
00:13:30.000 And he didn't say it.
00:13:32.000 Right.
00:13:32.000 And then he said, you know, I want you to denounce white supremacy.
00:13:35.000 And then Chris Wallace is like, Mr. President, do you denounce white supremacy?
00:13:39.000 I tell them to stand down and stand by. 1.00
00:13:43.000 The people that were, like his strategist, probably like, what the fuck? 0.99
00:13:47.000 Yeah, he's like... 0.99
00:13:48.000 You can't say stand by!
00:13:50.000 He's like, whoa!
00:13:51.000 Hey, come on. 0.77
00:13:52.000 I don't want to go that way.
00:13:53.000 What about...
00:13:54.000 All he had to do is say, yes, I denounce white supremacy.
00:13:56.000 Of course.
00:13:57.000 That's all he had to say.
00:13:58.000 See, but that's why you should be moderating this debate.
00:14:01.000 Because you could be physically grabbing both of them and saying, listen, here's what's going to happen now.
00:14:05.000 Instead, Chris Wallace is like, excuse me, guys.
00:14:08.000 You know what I mean?
00:14:09.000 He's not...
00:14:09.000 You need alpha...
00:14:11.000 You have to be able to physically walk up to the podiums and put people...
00:14:15.000 Well, that's what I was saying.
00:14:15.000 They need big John McCarthy.
00:14:17.000 Yeah.
00:14:17.000 They need the UFC referee, Big John McCarthy.
00:14:20.000 He's a big, giant dude. 1.00
00:14:21.000 He can handle that shit. 1.00
00:14:22.000 He would tell people to sit the fuck down. 1.00
00:14:23.000 He was a cop. 0.99
00:14:24.000 He knows how to control.
00:14:27.000 I would be laughing. 1.00
00:14:28.000 The problem with me, I would be like, oh my god, what a shit show. 1.00
00:14:31.000 I would turn to the camera. 1.00
00:14:32.000 I'd break the wall.
00:14:33.000 I'd be like, ladies and gentlemen.
00:14:34.000 Yeah. 0.99
00:14:36.000 We've got a real fucking problem here. 1.00
00:14:38.000 Folks, you may want to tap out on this country. 0.99
00:14:40.000 Yeah, I'd be like, Jesus, Canada doesn't look so bad right now. 1.00
00:14:43.000 I know that Justin Trudeau is kind of a pussy. 1.00
00:14:46.000 What do you mean he was a boxer? 1.00
00:14:47.000 Was he?
00:14:48.000 Yeah.
00:14:49.000 I already was.
00:14:51.000 I've played basketball a couple times.
00:14:52.000 I don't call myself a basketball player.
00:14:55.000 Well, maybe he's the kind of boxer where they're like, hey, listen, that's the Prime Minister's son, so if he hits you, just flinch.
00:15:00.000 Don't hit him.
00:15:01.000 Oh, one of those.
00:15:01.000 I don't know.
00:15:02.000 Yeah, there's a lot of that going on.
00:15:04.000 I've seen that before.
00:15:05.000 No, I'm sure.
00:15:06.000 Actually, he did have a boxing match.
00:15:08.000 He's a little too handsome for my taste.
00:15:10.000 Yeah, I don't like it either.
00:15:11.000 Beautiful man.
00:15:12.000 He did blackface at least 30 or 40 times.
00:15:14.000 That's right.
00:15:14.000 Didn't he?
00:15:15.000 In Canada, it's different.
00:15:17.000 He played Indian people or something.
00:15:19.000 Oh, that's right.
00:15:21.000 It was like brownish.
00:15:23.000 Yes, it's indigenous face.
00:15:24.000 It is kind of funny.
00:15:26.000 It's First Nations face. 0.61
00:15:27.000 Whiteface is like no problem at all. 0.94
00:15:29.000 Right.
00:15:29.000 Good luck.
00:15:31.000 You could be whiteface. 0.98
00:15:32.000 No one cares.
00:15:32.000 Can you play a redhead if you're not a redhead?
00:15:36.000 Is there any shame in that?
00:15:37.000 Well, would you want to is the first question, but second of all, nah.
00:15:40.000 If someone had to do the Andrew Santino story.
00:15:43.000 But I don't know Andrew Santino.
00:15:44.000 He's a comic from LA. Can we make it Bill Burr?
00:15:46.000 Yeah, but Bill Burr, he's bald now.
00:15:48.000 He's too bald to be called Redhead.
00:15:50.000 It's hard to call him Redhead now.
00:15:52.000 Who would be like Carrot Top?
00:15:53.000 Okay, Carrot Top.
00:15:54.000 Yeah.
00:15:54.000 That's the most famous, like, clearly, I mean, it's in his name, Carrot Top.
00:16:00.000 Yeah.
00:16:00.000 Right?
00:16:01.000 Could you be, is there any shame in that?
00:16:04.000 No.
00:16:05.000 No.
00:16:05.000 Know why?
00:16:06.000 Nobody ever owned redheads. 1.00
00:16:08.000 No.
00:16:08.000 Maybe they did.
00:16:09.000 Because there were a lot of Irish slaves, right?
00:16:11.000 Yeah.
00:16:12.000 Back in the day, the whole thing was Irish. 1.00
00:16:14.000 Yeah.
00:16:15.000 Yeah.
00:16:15.000 We're the original redheads.
00:16:17.000 Yeah.
00:16:17.000 Well, it's probably from the Scandinavians.
00:16:20.000 The Vikings had a lot of redheads, like Erik the Red. 0.98
00:16:23.000 Oh, right.
00:16:24.000 That's the only reason I think the Vikings had redheads. 1.00
00:16:26.000 The guy's name was Erik the Red.
00:16:28.000 Probably had a red beard and blonde hair.
00:16:30.000 Probably covered in blood, too, right?
00:16:32.000 Oh, my God. 1.00
00:16:33.000 Those motherfuckers. 1.00
00:16:34.000 You ever see those people in Iceland that win those strongman competitions? 1.00
00:16:38.000 Yes.
00:16:39.000 They're the remnants of the Vikings. 0.97
00:16:40.000 They are beasts. 0.51
00:16:42.000 Enormous human beings that live in the frozen north where the Vikings lived. 1.00
00:16:46.000 The only thing I know is that the word berserk comes from them.
00:16:49.000 Berserkers. 1.00
00:16:50.000 Yeah.
00:16:50.000 They used to come down and go berserk.
00:16:52.000 You know what they used to do?
00:16:52.000 They used to take mushrooms.
00:16:53.000 They did?
00:16:54.000 Yeah, that was their big thing.
00:16:55.000 They would take mushrooms and slaughter.
00:16:58.000 Now, wait a minute.
00:16:59.000 Where'd they get mushrooms up there?
00:17:00.000 I thought mushrooms are from South America.
00:17:03.000 No.
00:17:03.000 Mushrooms are from all throughout Europe.
00:17:06.000 Mushrooms are all throughout North America.
00:17:08.000 They're native to a lot of different climates.
00:17:11.000 Well, they would preserve them, too.
00:17:13.000 They would get them in the summertime, and then they'd preserve them in the wintertime.
00:17:15.000 But I'm 99% sure that was a part of the history of the Vikings, is that they would take a lot of mushrooms.
00:17:22.000 Well, when I was growing up, I mean, I consider myself the early...
00:17:26.000 Here we go.
00:17:27.000 Fly algaric mushroom.
00:17:29.000 Yeah, that's the Amanita muscaria.
00:17:31.000 The first account of Vikings going berserk because they ate magic mushrooms was hypothesized in 1784 by a Christian priest named Oddman.
00:17:39.000 He came to a conclusion that connected the berserkers to the fly algaric mushroom because he read that Siberian shamans did the same thing when they were healing.
00:17:49.000 Hmm.
00:17:50.000 That show Vikings?
00:17:52.000 Yeah.
00:17:53.000 You ever see that show?
00:17:53.000 No.
00:17:54.000 Fun show.
00:17:55.000 They take mushrooms in that show.
00:17:57.000 Did Vikings eat mushrooms?
00:17:58.000 Let's see that.
00:17:59.000 See, they connected to the Amanita muscaria, red and white mushroom.
00:18:04.000 See, that's not the same mushroom in the Viking television show.
00:18:09.000 It looks like they're taking psilocybin.
00:18:12.000 Some scholars propose that certain examples of the berserker rage had been induced voluntarily by the consumption of drugs, such as the hallucinogenic mushroom, Amanita muscaria, or massive amounts of alcohol.
00:18:25.000 But here's my problem, is that when I was growing up, we ate a lot of mescaline, which was basically mushrooms in organic, you know, it was like chemical.
00:18:32.000 What's that?
00:18:32.000 Sort of.
00:18:33.000 Mescaline is actually peyote.
00:18:35.000 But mescaline is that, I think it's more, it's in the stimulant category.
00:18:40.000 Well, even more so that's going to prove my point.
00:18:43.000 When you're eating mescaline acid, any of this stuff, mushrooms, you don't tend to want to get violent.
00:18:48.000 That's true.
00:18:49.000 So if you live in a completely violent world and you took mushrooms, I don't think it would turn you peaceful.
00:18:57.000 No, and I turn you peaceful, but you might be like, I'm just going to stay in the forge. 1.00
00:19:00.000 You know, these guys are going on a stupid trip. 1.00
00:19:03.000 You're going to go on an 18-hour trip to go and rampage through some civilization. 1.00
00:19:06.000 Here's why I disagree.
00:19:08.000 It's become a thing with fighters to take mushrooms and fight.
00:19:12.000 What?
00:19:13.000 Yeah, it's actually really common.
00:19:16.000 And the thing is, they're not really testing for it.
00:19:19.000 So there's certain fighters that are taking mushrooms and then competing in kickboxing, competing in MMA. On mushrooms?
00:19:27.000 On mushrooms, yeah.
00:19:28.000 That's the hilarious, that's one of the greatest things I've ever heard.
00:19:31.000 Well, they say it makes them way more effective, and they almost can read things better.
00:19:36.000 They're locked in better.
00:19:37.000 I can see locking in, but you also get trails and stuff like that.
00:19:41.000 This goes on, you know?
00:19:42.000 Maybe it's how much you take.
00:19:44.000 Maybe you just take a dose that's...
00:19:46.000 Also, you've got to realize, these people, their adrenaline's through the roof.
00:19:50.000 The effects of the mushroom is probably very different if you're about to go into a fight.
00:19:55.000 My adrenaline was through the roof when I was 17. Now listen...
00:20:00.000 Doc Ellis, of course, took the acid.
00:20:02.000 That was a famous one, right?
00:20:03.000 Yeah, but that's not violent.
00:20:04.000 Did he have a good game?
00:20:04.000 Oh, yeah.
00:20:05.000 He's pitched a no-hitter.
00:20:06.000 He pitched a no-hitter?
00:20:07.000 Yeah, pitched a no-hitter on acid.
00:20:09.000 There's real evidence that, though, in some circumstances, psychedelics can enhance your performance.
00:20:16.000 Well, I'll tell you a story.
00:20:21.000 Probably the third time I took acid, maybe.
00:20:23.000 I was 16. And this is a fight.
00:20:25.000 It's got violence in it, but it's not that I was...
00:20:28.000 So I was at a sweet 16 in Brooklyn.
00:20:31.000 It was a mob run place, by the way.
00:20:33.000 So you do a sweet 16. This has a lot to do with my whole life when I really look back on it.
00:20:38.000 So I was 16. I was in love with this girl.
00:20:40.000 She wasn't dating me, but she was at the party.
00:20:42.000 But the way they set it up, so it's like, here's a Sweet 16. Here's an office party.
00:20:47.000 They're all in the same room.
00:20:49.000 And then there's a stage down at the bottom.
00:20:52.000 And here's, you know, some guy that, you know, just got his, you know, you retired from the, you know, job, whatever's job.
00:20:59.000 Then you have, you know, so it's like 15 different events of two tables each at this place.
00:21:05.000 Palm Shores Club, it was called in Brooklyn.
00:21:07.000 So, I'm at the party with my friends, and there's this girl I'm in love with, but I haven't dated.
00:21:11.000 Yeah, we ended up going out for a couple of years after this.
00:21:14.000 So, I'm tripping on acid.
00:21:18.000 And then, one of the other groups that was with our group, because the girl up in Sweet 16 had our other friends there too.
00:21:27.000 One of these guys sold pot to the girl I loved.
00:21:31.000 We sold her a bag of weed.
00:21:32.000 So she's like, you know, Brooklyn, she's like, look at him.
00:21:34.000 He beat me on his weed.
00:21:35.000 He sold me like four joints.
00:21:38.000 So me, she's a knight in shining armor.
00:21:42.000 And I go up to him.
00:21:44.000 I don't know the guy.
00:21:45.000 There's long tables, two, three long tables.
00:21:47.000 Excuse me.
00:21:48.000 Tap him on the shoulder, you know.
00:21:50.000 Excuse me.
00:21:51.000 She feels like she's short of the...
00:21:52.000 I'm not dating.
00:21:53.000 I'm just, you know, I'm in love with her.
00:21:55.000 She shorted you on, you shorted her on the Swede, so, you know, you might want to give her a couple more joints. 0.95
00:22:00.000 Guy's like, no, I didn't.
00:22:02.000 Turns away.
00:22:05.000 Listen, excuse me.
00:22:07.000 You know, she feels you did.
00:22:10.000 You gave her four joints, whatever. 1.00
00:22:11.000 In those days, you get like six joints for a bag, a $5 bag, right?
00:22:14.000 Maybe seven, you know.
00:22:16.000 I was like, yeah, he kind of shorted her.
00:22:17.000 I'm still not short to this day if he shorted her, by the way.
00:22:19.000 I didn't count the, you know.
00:22:20.000 You were just being a white knight.
00:22:21.000 I was just being a white knight.
00:22:23.000 So he goes, no, I didn't. 1.00
00:22:24.000 Get the fuck out of here. 0.96
00:22:25.000 You know, just basically like, you know, he has to show his pride too. 0.99
00:22:27.000 He's letting this guy tap him on the shoulder a couple of times.
00:22:29.000 He's with his friends.
00:22:31.000 I'm with my little friends. 1.00
00:22:32.000 And I go, and he goes, get the fuck out of here. 0.87
00:22:35.000 Like, you know, just, you know, now I'm starting to annoy him, you know, and he's like, was this bad? 0.97
00:22:39.000 You know, he had to do that.
00:22:40.000 So I was like, ah, bah, jump on him. 0.98
00:22:44.000 Start punching him. 0.94
00:22:46.000 In the middle of a giant event. 0.97
00:22:48.000 Oh no! 0.84
00:22:49.000 Jumping, punching him.
00:22:52.000 A ruckus erupts.
00:22:54.000 It's like a whole place.
00:22:56.000 So our table's going crazy.
00:22:58.000 Screams, fights.
00:22:59.000 And the grandmother, my friend wrote a song about it, by the way, the next day.
00:23:04.000 Because the grandmother kicked me in the ear. 1.00
00:23:07.000 My whole ear was caked with blood. 0.80
00:23:08.000 Because I'm ruining her granddaughter's... 0.92
00:23:10.000 The grandmother kicked you in the ear? 0.87
00:23:11.000 Yeah, the grandmother.
00:23:12.000 While you were scrambling on the ground?
00:23:13.000 While I'm on the ground.
00:23:14.000 My ear was caked with blood because I'm ruining her granddaughter's 16. I don't blame her.
00:23:19.000 And...
00:23:20.000 They're breaking up.
00:23:21.000 But meanwhile...
00:23:22.000 Oh, so anyway, long story short, I'm tripping.
00:23:24.000 So this is like the third time I've tripped, maybe.
00:23:27.000 Maybe the second.
00:23:28.000 On acid.
00:23:29.000 I had done mescaline and everything else.
00:23:30.000 So I'm tripping.
00:23:32.000 So finally they drag me out.
00:23:34.000 I'm picked up bodily.
00:23:35.000 It's a mafia place.
00:23:37.000 Remember?
00:23:38.000 Downstairs in the basement.
00:23:40.000 These two guys, a couple of young mob guys.
00:23:44.000 I could tell they were young, thin guys.
00:23:46.000 They didn't look to me like mob...
00:23:48.000 And start punching me.
00:23:50.000 And then they just look at me.
00:23:51.000 I could tell they were just like, look at this guy. 1.00
00:23:53.000 He's so pathetically pussy whipped. 1.00
00:23:56.000 They could just tell in my eyes. 1.00
00:23:57.000 I was just like, get him out of here.
00:23:59.000 And just toss me onto Emmons Avenue.
00:24:01.000 It was a big street in Sheepshead Bay.
00:24:03.000 And then my friends drove by.
00:24:05.000 I'm walking, you know, stumbling along.
00:24:07.000 Like three minutes later, my friends drove by because they left too.
00:24:10.000 They had to leave.
00:24:10.000 And they just could not stop laughing.
00:24:12.000 I'm just standing there.
00:24:13.000 But here's the weird part about the story is that On stage was this old man who at that moment was doing stand-up comedy.
00:24:23.000 And to this day, anytime I have hecklers, I'm like, that's karma because I was the guy that ruined his show.
00:24:28.000 And he's going, come on, fellas, calm down.
00:24:30.000 I heard him say that.
00:24:32.000 And at the time, I noticed because I was like, why is there a guy so old doing stand-up?
00:24:36.000 But he's probably a guy, you know, doing it at that time.
00:24:39.000 And she said some knock-around joint. 0.91
00:24:41.000 Getting paid.
00:24:41.000 Getting paid.
00:24:42.000 And then an idiot ruins his whole show with a brawl. 1.00
00:24:46.000 Over a $5 bag of weed. 1.00
00:24:48.000 Over a bag of weed, which may or may not have been shorted.
00:24:51.000 And when you think about that, have you ever done gigs like that?
00:24:55.000 Did you ever have to do a kid's party or anything like that?
00:25:00.000 Oh my god, yeah.
00:25:01.000 Did you?
00:25:02.000 You mean gigs where you just don't...
00:25:05.000 I mean, sure.
00:25:06.000 Haven't you ever...
00:25:06.000 I did bachelor parties.
00:25:08.000 I did a couple of those. 0.99
00:25:09.000 But bachelor parties, they suck. 0.99
00:25:11.000 Yeah. 0.99
00:25:12.000 But at least it's not like...
00:25:14.000 You ever do a gig where you don't...
00:25:16.000 When you're first starting out where you're not...
00:25:17.000 You don't have enough clean material and you walk in and you go, I can't.
00:25:21.000 I have to cut every curse out and you have nothing left.
00:25:25.000 You realize I have nothing to say to these people.
00:25:27.000 Oh, yeah.
00:25:28.000 Because my act is for nightclubs and this is not a nightclub.
00:25:30.000 It's a daytime club.
00:25:32.000 Yeah.
00:25:32.000 I've done a couple of those.
00:25:34.000 Like, just small events where you feel like it exposes every flaw in your comedy.
00:25:39.000 It does!
00:25:40.000 It does!
00:25:41.000 So do small shows.
00:25:43.000 It does.
00:25:43.000 That's the beauty of small shows.
00:25:45.000 They're like a cleansing agent.
00:25:47.000 Yes.
00:25:48.000 All the fat in your act. 0.98
00:25:49.000 All the fat. 0.96
00:25:50.000 All the cheat.
00:25:51.000 All the momentum that's just based on them. 0.99
00:25:54.000 All the horseshit. 0.98
00:25:54.000 All the curses. 0.98
00:25:55.000 It's just all right there.
00:25:57.000 And these people are looking there and they dress nice.
00:25:59.000 And I did a car show when I... I think two years in.
00:26:02.000 It was like an afternoon show, like $200, which in those days you're like, ooh, $200, an afternoon show.
00:26:07.000 I went there and it was just maybe $50.
00:26:10.000 And I was too new to know that I was walking.
00:26:12.000 I didn't even realize.
00:26:13.000 Like now, if you walked in, you'd be like, okay, this is a nightmare.
00:26:16.000 Here's what I got to do.
00:26:17.000 That was like a really smart thing that Chris Rock used to do a lot, is he would show up at the store unannounced late. 0.89
00:26:25.000 So he would go there where the audience was down to like 15, 20 people, and then he would go up with his shit that he was working on, and he would find out what's good and what was bad.
00:26:35.000 Because when there's 15 people, and they're spread out, there's like three here, two in front of you, and five over there. 0.99
00:26:41.000 You really know what the fuck is good and what's not. 0.90
00:26:43.000 If you're there in front of 300 people, they're like, oh my god, it's Chris Rock! 0.98
00:26:46.000 Everything he says is amazing.
00:26:48.000 With your date, you're like, wow, we got lucky tonight.
00:26:50.000 Chris Rock's here. 0.98
00:26:51.000 But if you're there and there's fucking 15 people, it's one in the morning, then you find out how much of your material is nonsense. 0.99
00:26:58.000 Oh my god, yeah. 0.99
00:26:59.000 No, of course.
00:27:00.000 That's where you really get exposed.
00:27:02.000 And you have your best sets.
00:27:04.000 But the negative side of it is then you listen to the tape and a lot of that was free association.
00:27:11.000 You listen to the tape and you're like, that wasn't that great.
00:27:13.000 Well, that's the thing about comedy.
00:27:14.000 I feel like comedy, to really develop a good set, it's almost like cross-training.
00:27:21.000 You need to lift a little weights, but you also need to do some jogging.
00:27:24.000 You need to do a bunch of different things.
00:27:27.000 You need to have a big crowd.
00:27:29.000 So you see if this is a set that's really worth filming, and then sometimes you have to have a little crowd where they're not impressed by you.
00:27:36.000 They're not there to see you.
00:27:37.000 Absolutely.
00:27:38.000 And you see if this stuff really can resonate with people that don't even know you.
00:27:43.000 Absolutely.
00:27:44.000 I mean, that's the beauty.
00:27:45.000 The reason we're all still so obsessed with comedy is because of these little...
00:27:49.000 That it could still surprise you every time and still challenge you every time.
00:27:54.000 Yeah.
00:27:55.000 There's a million things where you're like, I can't believe...
00:27:57.000 I know so much and I know so little after all these years of doing it, you know?
00:28:01.000 Well, the beautiful thing, too, is every time you do a special, you become a beginner again.
00:28:05.000 Yeah. 0.99
00:28:05.000 Because even though you know how to craft the material, the material you have is dog shit. 0.99
00:28:09.000 Yeah. 0.99
00:28:09.000 And it's like... 0.99
00:28:10.000 It's on Bambi legs. 0.98
00:28:12.000 And you gotta figure out a way to get it moving again.
00:28:15.000 And that's why...
00:28:16.000 My new theory, which you're going to like this for the Austin Comedy Club, is that down south now, because nobody can work out up north once it gets to be winter.
00:28:26.000 So it's going to be like baseball, how all the Dominicans became. 0.99
00:28:29.000 All the south is where all the great comedians.
00:28:32.000 It's still warm here.
00:28:32.000 Year round.
00:28:33.000 Because the COVID's going to hit New York City and shut everything down again once flu season kicks in.
00:28:39.000 Yeah, it's already shut.
00:28:40.000 It's never opened.
00:28:41.000 Comedy clubs have an opening.
00:28:42.000 But they're open outside, right?
00:28:43.000 A few of them?
00:28:44.000 Outside, yeah.
00:28:45.000 How are they doing that?
00:28:46.000 Are they on the street?
00:28:46.000 What are they doing?
00:28:47.000 They have parking lots or something?
00:28:48.000 On the street?
00:28:49.000 Well, one comedy club is on the street, but most of them are in parks or in parking lots.
00:28:54.000 There's a lot of parking lots.
00:28:55.000 That's so weird.
00:28:56.000 So how do you get people to pay to sit in a park?
00:28:58.000 Yeah, I don't know.
00:29:00.000 Because otherwise, people could just walk up and stand on the outside and listen.
00:29:05.000 They don't have to pay.
00:29:06.000 Yeah, and the parking lot, you always just... 1.00
00:29:08.000 The problem with doing a parking lot is even though you could be doing great, you know there's some idiot outside the parking lot that could start screaming. 1.00
00:29:14.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:29:14.000 Like when I was 16, I would have done. 1.00
00:29:16.000 Sure!
00:29:17.000 Honk your horn.
00:29:18.000 Yes, yes.
00:29:19.000 Oh my God.
00:29:20.000 Or just play Andrew Dice Clay really loud in your car.
00:29:23.000 Yeah.
00:29:28.000 Just something to distract the community.
00:29:29.000 You're giving them a good idea.
00:29:30.000 Yeah.
00:29:31.000 I did a gazebo a couple of weeks ago, a benefit up in Connecticut.
00:29:36.000 Like a wedding gazebo?
00:29:37.000 Yeah, like an outdoor...
00:29:38.000 Like how Chappelle's doing it in New York?
00:29:39.000 Or in...
00:29:40.000 Is that a gazebo?
00:29:41.000 Yeah, he's doing it in Ohio.
00:29:42.000 Well, it's like a wedding chapel.
00:29:44.000 Outside wedding chapel.
00:29:46.000 That's where he's doing his shows.
00:29:47.000 Yeah, I don't know.
00:29:48.000 It's in the town square.
00:29:49.000 I was just doing a benefit.
00:29:50.000 And yeah, a couple of kids drove by when the guy before me was on and just honked and screamed.
00:29:56.000 Yeah.
00:29:57.000 Ruin, you joke.
00:29:58.000 Do you know Burt Kreischer?
00:30:00.000 Sure.
00:30:00.000 Burt's doing a lot of these drive-in shows.
00:30:02.000 I know.
00:30:03.000 I know he is, of course.
00:30:04.000 I go, what was the show like?
00:30:05.000 He goes, it was great.
00:30:06.000 It was 700 cars.
00:30:08.000 Like 700 cars.
00:30:11.000 That's a lot of cars.
00:30:13.000 Yeah.
00:30:14.000 I just did it for HBO Max.
00:30:15.000 I did like a comedy outdoor special with a bunch of comedians from New York and 30 cars.
00:30:22.000 And it went back far.
00:30:25.000 How did he get 700?
00:30:27.000 He's doing giant places.
00:30:28.000 This was 30 cars, and it was way back.
00:30:31.000 This must be like, I mean, I can't imagine how far back it must go. 0.99
00:30:34.000 It goes far, and they all light their lights and honk their horns and shit. 0.98
00:30:38.000 That's right, that's what they were doing. 0.99
00:30:40.000 Oh my god, 700. Now I'd like to see that.
00:30:44.000 Yeah, but Bert's hammered too, right?
00:30:45.000 So he's barely aware of what's happening when the lights are flashing and people are honking.
00:30:50.000 He's having a great time.
00:30:52.000 Yeah, there you got video of it.
00:30:54.000 By the way, I'm 99% sure, so I'm just going to say this.
00:30:59.000 This is all his idea.
00:31:00.000 Look how big this is.
00:31:01.000 It's huge.
00:31:02.000 Wow.
00:31:03.000 Wow.
00:31:03.000 There he is in Philly.
00:31:04.000 And he did it all across the country.
00:31:06.000 Takes his shirt off every show because it's important.
00:31:08.000 Wow.
00:31:09.000 Oh my god, yeah.
00:31:11.000 Well, now he has to.
00:31:13.000 Yeah, now he has to.
00:31:13.000 He's like Ellen dancing.
00:31:15.000 He's trapped.
00:31:15.000 Right.
00:31:16.000 She has to dance every show. 0.93
00:31:17.000 He's trapped.
00:31:19.000 So this is how he did it.
00:31:21.000 So he would go out and do these crazy shows where he's in the parking lot.
00:31:25.000 They'd set up a stage with lights and everything.
00:31:27.000 Wow, look at that.
00:31:28.000 He's been touring.
00:31:29.000 Look at that.
00:31:29.000 He's one of the only guys that through this pandemic has been regularly touring in a pretty safe way.
00:31:36.000 Look at all those fucking cars. 1.00
00:31:37.000 Yes. 1.00
00:31:38.000 That's crazy.
00:31:39.000 Pretty safe way.
00:31:40.000 That's kind of cool.
00:31:41.000 It's actually really cool looking.
00:31:43.000 He enjoyed it.
00:31:44.000 He said it was great.
00:31:46.000 He enjoyed it.
00:31:47.000 Yeah, but Bert's the kind of guy that enjoys things like that.
00:31:50.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:31:50.000 You know what I mean?
00:31:51.000 Like, I could see myself getting aggravated by this, and Bert's like, it's the greatest!
00:31:54.000 You know, he'll be...
00:31:55.000 This is all right!
00:31:56.000 He'll jump in their car, start making out with them.
00:31:59.000 You know what I mean?
00:32:00.000 Like, Bert enjoys stuff.
00:32:01.000 Exactly, exactly.
00:32:03.000 Yeah, I just...
00:32:05.000 You know, I miss real comedy.
00:32:08.000 Like, Mark Norman said it best.
00:32:10.000 He's like, this is all methadone.
00:32:11.000 He goes, we're all doing methadone.
00:32:13.000 He goes, I want a real shot.
00:32:14.000 He goes, I want the real hit right in the veins. 0.87
00:32:16.000 He really is.
00:32:17.000 He goes, I don't want to take this methadone.
00:32:18.000 These park shows, these outdoor shows, and the virtual show's the worst.
00:32:23.000 Oh my god, yeah.
00:32:25.000 That's crazy.
00:32:26.000 I've watched good comics bomb on Zoom, and I'm like, stop.
00:32:30.000 Stop doing that.
00:32:31.000 There's no one there.
00:32:32.000 You can't do that.
00:32:32.000 No, it sounds like pigeons.
00:32:36.000 You don't hear laughing.
00:32:37.000 You just hear this weird look.
00:32:38.000 Is that a laugh?
00:32:39.000 What's going on?
00:32:40.000 It's so bad.
00:32:41.000 It's just not a bad...
00:32:43.000 It's a terrible way to do comedy.
00:32:45.000 No, yeah.
00:32:46.000 But that's, again, what I love about it is that it makes us really, like, you realize a lot of people are going to fall by the wayside, too.
00:32:55.000 Yeah.
00:32:55.000 Because the money's going to go down.
00:32:57.000 Thank God.
00:32:58.000 Yeah.
00:32:58.000 Thank God.
00:32:59.000 The money's going to go down.
00:33:00.000 Prepping people for low salaries at Austin Comedy Club.
00:33:03.000 The money's going to go down.
00:33:06.000 You're going to design Austin Comedy Club for me, right?
00:33:08.000 I would love it.
00:33:10.000 Design the room.
00:33:11.000 I'd like to curate the audience.
00:33:12.000 How are you going to do that?
00:33:13.000 Already we had a conflict when I was telling you I don't want those drunks at the audience. 1.00
00:33:16.000 You're like, yeah, let them have a few drinks.
00:33:18.000 I'm like, no, Joe.
00:33:18.000 You want to test them all to make sure they're not drunk.
00:33:20.000 Yeah, because I don't like it.
00:33:22.000 You're like, well, some drugs don't heckle.
00:33:24.000 I know.
00:33:24.000 But then they sit there like this and you think they're listening to you and their eyes are closed.
00:33:29.000 One time I was in Cleveland and I was yelling at the whole crowd because they were drunk and just horrible.
00:33:33.000 And there was this beautiful couple up front.
00:33:35.000 Guy and girl.
00:33:36.000 Blonde.
00:33:37.000 Dressed.
00:33:38.000 Expensive.
00:33:38.000 Like, I mean, they just looked like model movie stars.
00:33:40.000 And I was like, these people, people like this come to see a show.
00:33:44.000 I just yell at the crowd because it was like, heck, it was a late show, you know.
00:33:47.000 And then I finished.
00:33:49.000 Then like five minutes later, the couple got up to go to the bathroom and they both face planted and passed out. 0.60
00:33:55.000 They were so happy.
00:33:56.000 They didn't even know I was talking.
00:33:57.000 They didn't even know where they were.
00:33:58.000 We finally have a rapid test.
00:34:01.000 So here, we got tested.
00:34:03.000 We got the same test that the White House uses.
00:34:05.000 So we have a machine, do a nose swab, and get a result in 15 minutes.
00:34:10.000 So you could conceivably have a show where people would show up, say, 40 minutes early.
00:34:15.000 Everybody gets in line, gets tested.
00:34:17.000 When you get cleaned, you can get inside and have a drink.
00:34:19.000 So you could do a comedy club and have everybody with no mask on.
00:34:25.000 Yeah.
00:34:25.000 You could conceive.
00:34:26.000 Yes.
00:34:27.000 The thing is, people are like, even if people get tested, wear a mask.
00:34:30.000 Like, everyone's so mask conscious now.
00:34:32.000 Like, when we do the UFC, I can't do in-person interviews with the fighters.
00:34:37.000 Right.
00:34:38.000 But I'm tested and they're tested.
00:34:39.000 Everybody's tested.
00:34:40.000 You have to be tested to even be in the building.
00:34:42.000 You have to be clean the day of to be in the building, but yet still they want everybody to wear a mask. 0.98
00:34:47.000 Like, that doesn't make any fucking sense.
00:34:48.000 No, but it's also because when you live in a In a country that's built on lawsuits, everybody's like, whoa, that sounds like a law... 0.95
00:34:54.000 There's 80 people going, don't wear a mask.
00:34:57.000 I want to see what happens.
00:34:58.000 Just so they can try to sue you.
00:35:00.000 That's...
00:35:00.000 Well, you'd have to sign a waiver.
00:35:02.000 If you're going to get to Austin Comedy Club, you'd have to sign a waiver.
00:35:05.000 Well, Austin Comedy Club, I hate to say this, it sounds like I'm already abusing the system, but I think the MC should have to do the testing.
00:35:12.000 They should have to be registered.
00:35:14.000 Yeah.
00:35:15.000 A nerd. 0.73
00:35:16.000 You have to be a nurse to be an emcee. 0.99
00:35:18.000 You want a host, you gotta be a nurse. 1.00
00:35:20.000 You gotta get there early.
00:35:21.000 Save yourselves a few bucks.
00:35:23.000 Yeah, you know, like, hosts would have to pitch chicken wings at some place.
00:35:26.000 You know, try the wings in this place.
00:35:29.000 Well, I used to bartend when I started comedy.
00:35:31.000 I would bartend at the comic strip and they wouldn't let me on because they were like, no, it's a conflict of interest.
00:35:35.000 It was a big ethical problem.
00:35:37.000 Really?
00:35:37.000 You had to quit your job as a bartender?
00:35:39.000 I quit before I could audition, yeah. 0.99
00:35:40.000 Oh, that's ridiculous.
00:35:42.000 But the store is the opposite. 0.76
00:35:44.000 The store, all the people that work there are comics.
00:35:46.000 I know.
00:35:46.000 Everyone, the doorman.
00:35:48.000 But they actually, like Ari, when I met him, he was a doorman.
00:35:52.000 He was?
00:35:52.000 Yeah.
00:35:53.000 And then the beautiful thing was he eventually filmed his first special at the store, his Comedy Central special.
00:35:59.000 So it was like, wow, what a full circle he made.
00:36:02.000 Yeah.
00:36:03.000 He seems more like a comedian than a doorman, if I may say.
00:36:07.000 Yeah.
00:36:07.000 He's a terrible doorman.
00:36:10.000 I don't give a fuck where you sit. 1.00
00:36:11.000 Sit wherever. 1.00
00:36:12.000 This place is gritty.
00:36:14.000 This place is crazy.
00:36:16.000 Yeah, but everybody, Tony Hinchcliffe, everybody that works there as a doorman is a comic.
00:36:24.000 Everybody that works the cover booth is a comic.
00:36:26.000 A lot of the people that work behind the bar are comics.
00:36:29.000 Well, you guys' crew really turned that place around.
00:36:33.000 Because I was there in the early 90s.
00:36:35.000 And the comedy store, I was there working, you know, I didn't even work that much when I was in L.A. It was a shithole. 0.92
00:36:42.000 Well, not only was it a shithole, Monday was considered gang night. 0.99
00:36:45.000 And it wasn't like, it wasn't an inside joke. 0.95
00:36:48.000 Like, everybody knew gang night.
00:36:49.000 The gangs knew it was gang night.
00:36:51.000 So they would have gangs.
00:36:52.000 It was just this crazy atmosphere, like this tense atmosphere.
00:36:57.000 Every Monday night was gang night.
00:36:58.000 Yeah, it was not good when I got there in 94. I got there in 94, it was pretty rough.
00:37:02.000 But occasionally it was good.
00:37:04.000 Occasionally, Damon Wayans would stop by, or Martin Lawrence would stop by.
00:37:08.000 Someone good would be there, and you'd go, wow, okay, now I get to see a real comic.
00:37:12.000 But a lot of it was half-empty, not even.
00:37:16.000 A lot of Bodak's.
00:37:18.000 Oh, yeah, that's right.
00:37:20.000 Yeah, a lot of guys that really just shouldn't have been there.
00:37:22.000 And my theory was that, like, Kinison had left there somewhere around 86. Right.
00:37:28.000 And when I got there in 94, eight years later, it was just still, like, because before that it was booming, right?
00:37:34.000 There was Kinison and Letterman and all these guys were there.
00:37:36.000 And then when he left and he was banned from the store...
00:37:40.000 I think he took everybody with him.
00:37:43.000 And I think when I got there in 94, it was like he was already dead.
00:37:46.000 And it was like the echoes of that, that his generation had already kind of died off. 0.98
00:37:53.000 Yeah.
00:37:53.000 Well, I was, when I was in LA, I was in LA in 89, I guess, 90 or something, 88, 89. And the improv was the respectable club.
00:38:02.000 It was what the store became.
00:38:04.000 Yes.
00:38:04.000 And the store was already crazy.
00:38:06.000 You know what I mean?
00:38:06.000 Yeah.
00:38:07.000 It was like that in 94. Yeah.
00:38:09.000 The agents wouldn't go there because they couldn't get in for free.
00:38:12.000 Right, right, right. 0.99
00:38:13.000 Because Mitzi was like, I don't give a fuck where you work. 1.00
00:38:16.000 Yeah. 0.99
00:38:17.000 If you were an agent and you wanted to get a table, it's like, pay.
00:38:20.000 Tell them to pay.
00:38:21.000 You know what, though?
00:38:22.000 I don't blame her because the whole town was an agent.
00:38:23.000 She wouldn't have made a dime.
00:38:24.000 Yeah.
00:38:25.000 Yeah.
00:38:25.000 Yeah, and not only that, they didn't pay attention.
00:38:27.000 She would say they would talk in the back, and they did.
00:38:30.000 I remember I went to see a showcase once, and they, for whatever reason, William Morris had a showcase at a nightclub, and there was the downstairs where they had people seated, and the upstairs was like this little balcony where there was a bar, and it was filled with agents, and they were talking full blast.
00:38:46.000 Wow.
00:38:47.000 While the show was going up.
00:38:48.000 And I said, I'm not going up.
00:38:49.000 I told my agent, I'm like, I'm not going up. 0.98
00:38:51.000 There's no fucking way. 0.99
00:38:52.000 And DePaulo was on stage. 1.00
00:38:53.000 And DePaulo was on stage and he's yelling at these fucking people that are up in the balcony. 1.00
00:38:57.000 Like he's talking shit about them. 1.00
00:38:58.000 It was terrible. 1.00
00:39:00.000 It was like the worst atmosphere for comedy. 0.99
00:39:02.000 And the agents didn't give a fuck. 0.99
00:39:04.000 It was agents assistants, a lot of them. 0.99
00:39:06.000 They were drinking and talking.
00:39:07.000 Yeah.
00:39:08.000 They're just laughing.
00:39:08.000 Yeah.
00:39:09.000 They're having a social time.
00:39:10.000 They're having free drinks.
00:39:11.000 It's like this is their opportunity to chit-chat.
00:39:14.000 So while the show was going on, I mean, full-blown bar-level talking.
00:39:19.000 Yeah.
00:39:20.000 Yeah.
00:39:20.000 It was terrible.
00:39:21.000 So that was what Mitzi tried to avoid. 0.99
00:39:23.000 She's like, get him out of here.
00:39:25.000 No, she definitely had the right spirit.
00:39:27.000 I didn't even know Kenison was.
00:39:28.000 I remember Kenison was there one night.
00:39:30.000 Rich Jenny told me, rest him in peace, too.
00:39:33.000 Love that guy.
00:39:33.000 Yeah.
00:39:34.000 Great guy.
00:39:35.000 God, he was good.
00:39:36.000 But he knew Kennison.
00:39:37.000 And Kennison owed him $100.
00:39:39.000 So he went by the comedy store to get paid.
00:39:43.000 He was in town.
00:39:43.000 He's like, you know, the guy's doing great now.
00:39:45.000 He's making a lot of money.
00:39:46.000 It's like 1988, 1989. And he goes, I'm going to get paid.
00:39:49.000 I'm going to go borrow them.
00:39:50.000 And he goes to the emcee.
00:39:52.000 When Kennison gets off, I'm getting $100.
00:39:54.000 He owes me $100.
00:39:54.000 He never paid me.
00:39:55.000 He's rich.
00:39:56.000 I'm just, you know, working the road.
00:39:58.000 And then just then, Sam starts screaming at somebody.
00:40:01.000 He goes, I can't.
00:40:01.000 You know that bit he used to do where he goes, I'm going to take this napkin.
00:40:04.000 I want you to write down the names of all your loved ones, your dead grandmother that always treated you.
00:40:10.000 You know, you go through the whole, you say to somebody in the audience, you go, write down your dead grandmother that was always there for you.
00:40:16.000 Write down your uncle that paid your way through, you know, and I want you to write them all down. 0.99
00:40:21.000 And then I want you to hand it back to me because I'm going to wipe my ass with it. 0.99
00:40:24.000 And he said that. 0.99
00:40:26.000 He said the guy just exploded, attacked him.
00:40:28.000 Sam's bodyguards just started punching, you know, turned into like a brawl at the comedy store.
00:40:34.000 The guy was so mad, you know.
00:40:35.000 And then the emcee goes, Jenny, maybe you should just ask him for 50. Yeah, I missed all that.
00:40:45.000 I saw him live a few times when I was an open-miker, when I was in Boston.
00:40:50.000 I went to see him three times while he was alive.
00:40:54.000 One time was at Great Woods, and one time was down the Cape, and then there was one other time.
00:41:00.000 And it was just...
00:41:02.000 It was interesting to see, because it was like he didn't have new material, and he was trying to do some of the bits from the old stuff, and people would call out the punchlines, and so then he had to kind of write new shit while he was touring, and the HBO special had just come out,
00:41:19.000 because it was kind of a new thing back then.
00:41:21.000 There weren't a lot of HBO specials.
00:41:23.000 It wasn't a real common thing.
00:41:26.000 No.
00:41:27.000 And he had developed that act over years and years and years.
00:41:30.000 Yes.
00:41:30.000 And then all of a sudden, he's this hugely famous comedian.
00:41:33.000 They come to see him, and he doesn't really have a lot of new material.
00:41:36.000 Yeah.
00:41:36.000 No, that definitely happened to a lot of guys back then, where they'd just be like, they weren't used to people knowing their act.
00:41:42.000 Yeah.
00:41:42.000 And people are like, I don't hear...
00:41:43.000 That's the thing about comedy.
00:41:45.000 Musicians, people are calling out for their best hits.
00:41:48.000 Yeah.
00:41:48.000 If you do something new, they get mad.
00:41:50.000 Yeah.
00:41:50.000 Comedians, it's just the opposite.
00:41:52.000 I know, it's crazy.
00:41:53.000 It's such a hassle, but it's the way it is.
00:41:55.000 And especially Samzak, because it was all build-up.
00:41:57.000 Yeah.
00:41:58.000 And then the big punchline, so there was no in-between.
00:42:01.000 Yeah, so I got to see his B-level material.
00:42:04.000 I never got to see the A material live.
00:42:06.000 I got to see it on TV, but when I saw him live, it was all kind of like half-assed stuff.
00:42:13.000 It wasn't really that good.
00:42:16.000 But it was also because his crowd was so annoyingly screaming at him that he almost couldn't develop.
00:42:25.000 Yeah.
00:42:26.000 Because like you said, he should have been what Chris did.
00:42:28.000 Go in when there's 15 people.
00:42:30.000 Yep.
00:42:30.000 He should have done that.
00:42:31.000 Well, he was just touring, right?
00:42:34.000 He developed his comedy by going up late at the store.
00:42:38.000 Right.
00:42:38.000 That was the thing.
00:42:39.000 Going up late, he put that act together over years of struggle.
00:42:43.000 And then all of a sudden he was huge and now he's got to do these thousands of seats and it's not the same.
00:42:49.000 You can't develop an act.
00:42:51.000 It's just, you can, but it's hard to develop an act in front of thousands and thousands of people.
00:42:57.000 And how about, I know, yeah, I don't know how you could do it.
00:42:59.000 I mean, how about the fact that him and Pryor are both from Peoria?
00:43:03.000 Crazy.
00:43:03.000 Isn't that wild?
00:43:04.000 Weird.
00:43:05.000 But he started in Houston.
00:43:07.000 They said Sam in Houston, him and Bill Hicks, all of them looked at that.
00:43:10.000 And they said Sam one time, he like tied himself to the thing outside.
00:43:14.000 Yeah, the annex, because they censored him.
00:43:17.000 They wouldn't let him go up.
00:43:18.000 Yeah, those guys, they had developed a real scene down here in Texas.
00:43:23.000 They really did.
00:43:24.000 And Hicks had a real scene in Austin.
00:43:26.000 Hicks started out here and then eventually went to Houston.
00:43:31.000 Maybe he started in Houston and went to here eventually.
00:43:34.000 That's right.
00:43:35.000 I think he started in Houston, did Houston and Austin, and then when he came to die, he died out here.
00:43:42.000 Wow.
00:43:42.000 Yeah, I used to call them the Houston comics that hate God.
00:43:47.000 Well, it was odd because Texas is often thought of as being very religious.
00:43:50.000 That's why they're so obsessed with it.
00:43:52.000 I think Garofalo came out here.
00:43:55.000 I think she came out here during that time too, right?
00:43:57.000 They had a bunch of...
00:43:58.000 Because it was like a scene.
00:44:00.000 I remember hearing that she was coming out here because I knew her from Boston.
00:44:03.000 I was like, wow, that's kind of wild.
00:44:05.000 Texas is that...
00:44:06.000 It made me rethink what Texas is in my head.
00:44:09.000 Yeah.
00:44:10.000 And Brett Butler was here.
00:44:12.000 This was during the 80s.
00:44:13.000 This was during the Kinison era.
00:44:15.000 And that was when they had Ron Schock.
00:44:17.000 Do you remember him?
00:44:17.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:44:18.000 And do you remember Andy Hinton?
00:44:20.000 Jimmy Pineapple.
00:44:21.000 I worked with Jimmy Pineapple.
00:44:22.000 One of the first times I ever did the Houston Laugh Stop, I worked with Jimmy Pineapple.
00:44:27.000 That's crazy.
00:44:28.000 Yeah, those guys.
00:44:29.000 Speaking of laws of comedy. 0.90
00:44:30.000 Andy Hinton used to have a joke, which, you know, he goes, so these girls having sex younger and younger these days. 0.99
00:44:38.000 I overheard my sister's friends talking about it. 0.96
00:44:40.000 They're 14, and she's having sex. 0.91
00:44:43.000 I pulled her aside. 0.72
00:44:44.000 I said, first of all, what we did was wrong.
00:44:46.000 Second of all, telling people about it is not going to make it better. 1.00
00:44:49.000 LAUGHTER Fuck. 1.00
00:44:53.000 Today you'd get cancelled for that joke. 1.00
00:44:55.000 Oh my god, yeah.
00:44:56.000 You'd be in real trouble.
00:44:57.000 You'd be in real trouble.
00:44:58.000 All female comics would start Twitter threads about you. 1.00
00:45:03.000 Expose him.
00:45:04.000 But Andy Hinton, him and Ron Schock once did acidity.
00:45:07.000 T. Sean Shannon, you know him.
00:45:08.000 He's from there too.
00:45:09.000 And he told me the story about Ron Schock and Andy Hinton were tripping one time.
00:45:13.000 And, you know, Ron Shock was, you know, he just was like kind of regular.
00:45:17.000 And he goes, and then Andy Hinton goes, Ron, you're going to make it when they first started.
00:45:22.000 He goes, I know.
00:45:25.000 And he goes, he was waiting for him to say it back to him, you know, because you're two comedians anew, so you say it back to each other, right?
00:45:31.000 Sure.
00:45:32.000 And he goes, and finally Andy couldn't take you, he goes, I'm going to make it too, Ron.
00:45:36.000 He goes, sure you are, Andy.
00:45:38.000 Sure you are.
00:45:41.000 They had a great open mic night back at that laugh stop.
00:45:45.000 That was one thing about the laugh.
00:45:46.000 Did you work that place in Houston?
00:45:48.000 Yeah?
00:45:48.000 The Laugh Stop?
00:45:49.000 Yeah.
00:45:49.000 It was a great club.
00:45:51.000 But they had the bar area was an open mic night.
00:45:54.000 And then they had the main showroom area.
00:45:56.000 And I remember I came in to do the show there.
00:45:58.000 I did two shows.
00:46:00.000 And from the moment I got on stage, they had the open mic going.
00:46:04.000 And then by the time I was off stage, the open mic was still going.
00:46:07.000 So the open mic would go to like 2 o'clock in the morning.
00:46:10.000 They had guys still going up.
00:46:11.000 It was a real comedy community there.
00:46:13.000 They really worked on their craft.
00:46:15.000 They didn't tolerate any hacks.
00:46:17.000 No. 0.97
00:46:17.000 No bullshit there. 0.97
00:46:18.000 They were a serious thing. 0.87
00:46:19.000 It was a great place.
00:46:21.000 It was a great, great scene.
00:46:22.000 That crazy Mark Babbitt ran it.
00:46:24.000 Right. 1.00
00:46:24.000 That crazy fuck. 1.00
00:46:25.000 Yes. 1.00
00:46:26.000 Yeah.
00:46:26.000 He was a nut, but he really loved comedy.
00:46:30.000 He loved comedy and ran it good.
00:46:31.000 You've got to have a nut.
00:46:34.000 People think, well, that guy wasn't the best businessman. 1.00
00:46:37.000 You're not going to get the best businessman to run a goddamn comedy club. 0.99
00:46:41.000 You're going to get nutty people. 1.00
00:46:42.000 Yeah.
00:46:43.000 Yeah, no, exactly.
00:46:44.000 Like, Mitzi Short was a different kind of nutty person. 0.68
00:46:46.000 Mark Babbitt was a different kind of nutty person. 0.99
00:46:48.000 But all the great club owners were all crazy.
00:46:51.000 Well, the reason Boston was a good scene, too, was a great scene when I started.
00:46:55.000 You know, I came in like 85, let's say, to Boston, right?
00:46:59.000 First time ever.
00:46:59.000 Was because Lenny Clark and Mike Clark...
00:47:03.000 Mike Clark, the money they paid in Boston was like three or four times more than any other place.
00:47:09.000 Three or four times.
00:47:10.000 Like a gig in New York would pay $80 to be the middle.
00:47:14.000 In Boston, it would pay $290 or something.
00:47:16.000 Because Lenny and Mike was not ripping people off like that.
00:47:21.000 Yeah, Mike's a great guy.
00:47:22.000 I'm still good friends with him to this day.
00:47:24.000 I was texting with him yesterday.
00:47:25.000 Yeah.
00:47:25.000 I love that guy.
00:47:27.000 And he, whatever his thing was, he was just this guy that was like, yeah, you should get paid.
00:47:31.000 And it was like this Valhalla.
00:47:33.000 And what was regulated, it was also the big four.
00:47:37.000 You know what I mean?
00:47:38.000 It was like the Mount Rushmore of Boston.
00:47:40.000 Sweeney, Gavin, Lenny, and Rodgers.
00:47:43.000 And they were just...
00:47:45.000 They just set a tone.
00:47:46.000 Everybody's like, whoa.
00:47:48.000 And they were big guys, too.
00:47:50.000 They were big guys. 1.00
00:47:50.000 Lenny Clark's a fucking gorilla of a man. 1.00
00:47:53.000 They were these big dudes. 1.00
00:47:54.000 It was an interesting place because they were men.
00:47:57.000 We thought of comedy as being these dweeby interests, but those guys were doing coke and punching people. 0.99
00:48:04.000 They were wild fucks. 0.98
00:48:06.000 All those guys were hammered all the time. 1.00
00:48:08.000 They're all a bunch of wild people.
00:48:10.000 Oh, my God. 0.99
00:48:11.000 They were insane.
00:48:11.000 They brought me up to be Sweeney one afternoon at Nick's, and he was just in the back like this.
00:48:16.000 You know, like, you want to be Sweeney?
00:48:17.000 It was just him in the dark and just looking like it was this, you know, audience with the Pope.
00:48:24.000 Were you there during the Coke days where they would try to pay you in Coke?
00:48:27.000 Yes.
00:48:28.000 Well, not me.
00:48:28.000 I was already clean.
00:48:29.000 But, yeah, they paid people in Coke all the time.
00:48:33.000 It was psychotic out there.
00:48:35.000 What's the only way you get great comedy?
00:48:37.000 I think it's like, it doesn't last because it's not sustainable, that kind of a business model.
00:48:42.000 And then the comics never pay their taxes.
00:48:44.000 They all wind up getting audited.
00:48:46.000 And you stop writing because you're coked up or you're just waiting for the coke deal.
00:48:50.000 Oh yeah, when they had the guy on the side, I mean, they're dealing coke in uniform. 0.82
00:48:53.000 It was nuts.
00:48:54.000 Yeah.
00:48:55.000 Well, I was a famous, I'm sure you heard that story, when I went up there and they pulled the old...
00:48:59.000 thing where Sweeney and Chance went on before me and just left me destroyed on a Friday the 2nd show and then I end up literally because I remember I'm from New York so I don't understand it's 1985 or 86 so I don't understand the culture so I see a bunch of guys in polo shirts and With blonde hair,
00:49:22.000 deck shoes, white pants.
00:49:24.000 I'm like, oh, these must be some spoiled Kennedy guys.
00:49:28.000 Like, they look like yuppies. 0.65
00:49:30.000 Like, they look like rich- They're bank robbers from Chelsea. 0.62
00:49:32.000 Yes!
00:49:33.000 Yes!
00:49:35.000 But I'm looking at this audience full of these guys in pink IZOT shirts.
00:49:40.000 You know, and that's exact. 0.96
00:49:41.000 And they're these badasses. 1.00
00:49:42.000 They're savages. 1.00
00:49:43.000 Yes! 1.00
00:49:44.000 So I'm like, so I go cursing them because I'm bombing.
00:49:47.000 So, you know, we get into it. 1.00
00:49:48.000 They're like, fuck you. 1.00
00:49:48.000 I'm like, fuck you. 1.00
00:49:49.000 Fuck you. 1.00
00:49:50.000 And just, I go, God, go fuck yourself. 1.00
00:49:52.000 You know, I'm just giving them a finger. 1.00
00:49:53.000 I say, you fucking asshole. 1.00
00:49:54.000 Go back to, you know, Hyannisport and go play touch football, you little pussy. 1.00
00:49:58.000 And these guys, and I start to notice. 1.00
00:50:00.000 Then finally, I start to notice, wait a minute.
00:50:02.000 Some of these guys have tattoos back in the days when, you know.
00:50:06.000 I'm like, these guys have like Chermark tattoos.
00:50:08.000 I may be misreading them because I didn't know anything about Boston as far as the neighborhoods.
00:50:12.000 I don't know what's going on there, you know.
00:50:13.000 I just wore pink eyes on shirts and, you know.
00:50:16.000 Facial scars. 0.76
00:50:17.000 You start seeing things.
00:50:18.000 Crooked noses.
00:50:19.000 Some of these guys are pretty muscular, too.
00:50:21.000 And then, long story short, it got so ugly that Joe Yannetti had to come on stage from the back of the room.
00:50:28.000 They go, Joe, go up there.
00:50:29.000 Save it. 0.99
00:50:30.000 Because they're getting ready to rush the stage and beat the shit out of me. 0.98
00:50:33.000 The whole crowd almost felt like. 0.97
00:50:35.000 And Joe Yannetti goes on stage and he goes, Folks, I'm from ISTE. This is my friend.
00:50:42.000 We're going off stage now.
00:50:43.000 You leave us alone.
00:50:45.000 And he literally had to explain to him, I'm from Eastie.
00:50:47.000 He's from one of the neighborhoods.
00:50:48.000 So, you know, I'm a legitimate person.
00:50:51.000 And then we just had to hide in the kitchen until the whole crowd emptied out.
00:50:54.000 Well, if you were a New York guy, you already had three strikes against you going off by the stage.
00:50:58.000 Yes, I knew none of that.
00:50:59.000 Yeah, they set you up, too.
00:51:01.000 I saw them set up Billy Crystal.
00:51:04.000 Well, that's great.
00:51:05.000 I walked in after the fact.
00:51:06.000 I didn't actually see it, but I walked in after the fact.
00:51:09.000 They were all bragging about it.
00:51:10.000 They set up Billy Crystal with like Sweeney, Knox, Gavin, boom, boom, boom.
00:51:16.000 They just had a murderous assault of local humor.
00:51:20.000 You couldn't follow. 0.99
00:51:21.000 They're talking about fucking Cape Cod, going down the Cape, having con. 0.99
00:51:26.000 They're talking in the Boston accent. 0.99
00:51:28.000 Everybody's dying.
00:51:29.000 And then you would go up and be like, I'm Billy Crystal.
00:51:32.000 Hey! 0.99
00:51:33.000 Do you like the Emmys? 0.99
00:51:35.000 And they're like, get the fuck out of here. 0.99
00:51:37.000 They did it to everybody. 0.99
00:51:39.000 Well, guess what?
00:51:39.000 It's funny you say that because of the local references.
00:51:41.000 The last thing I remembered before I went on stage, I mean, they're ripping, is Chance, Sweeney, Sweetie's got a mop in his head like dreadlocks.
00:51:50.000 Chance is playing guitar and they're singing a song called Come Back to Jamaica Plain.
00:51:56.000 That's where I lived.
00:51:59.000 I lived in Jamaica Plain.
00:52:00.000 It was all local stuff.
00:52:02.000 That was a real problem when I started doing The Road.
00:52:04.000 I had so much local material because they loved local material.
00:52:07.000 It was like a cheat code.
00:52:09.000 You can get a laugh you didn't deserve with local material.
00:52:12.000 In New York, you're doing that subway stuff.
00:52:15.000 You're in North Carolina.
00:52:16.000 People would be like, what are you talking about the subway?
00:52:18.000 We know what it is.
00:52:20.000 But it's funny you said the after, I was there for the aftermath, because I pictured the room when an aftermath, when, you know, sometimes you go into one of those clubs in New York too, but in Boston, Knicks, and there was just broken shot glasses thrown around the room, just chairs turned over, and you're like,
00:52:35.000 whoa! 0.71
00:52:36.000 What happened here?
00:52:38.000 But it was just a crazy business model that they would set up these headliners for failure on purpose all the time.
00:52:45.000 Yeah.
00:52:45.000 All the time.
00:52:46.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:52:46.000 And if you didn't know, like if you were a guy from New York that was doing The Tonight Show and you're starting to do movies and you thought you were the shit. 1.00
00:52:53.000 Yeah. 0.98
00:52:54.000 And they would let you go on stage and they were like, oh yeah, we're going to have this guy headline.
00:52:59.000 He's been on The Tonight Show.
00:53:01.000 And they would set you up with four murderers would go on in front of you.
00:53:05.000 I don't blame them.
00:53:06.000 When you're making that much money locally, you don't want a bunch of people come horning in.
00:53:11.000 But by the way, I wasn't a headliner.
00:53:12.000 I was just up there visiting.
00:53:14.000 I was staying at Tony V and Dennis Leary's house.
00:53:16.000 I wasn't a headliner.
00:53:17.000 But they just did it for whatever, for sport, to keep in shape.
00:53:20.000 No other place would do that.
00:53:21.000 If you went to Houston, they would give you like a local act.
00:53:24.000 It would be an opener.
00:53:25.000 It would be normal.
00:53:26.000 I mean, you have good comics, but they wouldn't have headliner after headline after headline trying to blow you off the stage.
00:53:31.000 Right.
00:53:31.000 They did it on purpose.
00:53:33.000 Yeah, they did.
00:53:33.000 Oh yeah, I know they did.
00:53:34.000 They wanted you to eat shit. 1.00
00:53:35.000 These guys would do their best 20 minutes. 1.00
00:53:39.000 And you would go on stage an hour and 15, an hour and 20 minutes into a show where the audience was beaten into a pulse.
00:53:45.000 And then these guys would bomb.
00:53:47.000 It happened to me.
00:53:48.000 That's exactly what happened.
00:53:49.000 And I wasn't even the headliner.
00:53:50.000 And here's what happened, by the way.
00:53:52.000 I just remembered it.
00:53:53.000 I was the middle.
00:53:54.000 But Chance goes, I'd like to get home early, Colin.
00:53:57.000 Would you mind if I went ahead of you?
00:53:59.000 Oh.
00:53:59.000 And I was like, yeah, okay.
00:54:01.000 Dirty trick.
00:54:02.000 Because the first show had been fine.
00:54:03.000 Yeah.
00:54:04.000 So I was like, yeah, fine.
00:54:04.000 Go ahead.
00:54:06.000 Dirty trick.
00:54:06.000 I didn't know him.
00:54:06.000 I didn't know anybody.
00:54:08.000 It was really funny.
00:54:09.000 Dirty trick.
00:54:10.000 They do that on purpose.
00:54:11.000 Yeah, of course.
00:54:11.000 Yeah.
00:54:12.000 But, you know, do you really blame?
00:54:14.000 Look, here's the way it is.
00:54:15.000 You're in the city.
00:54:16.000 You're making great money.
00:54:18.000 You know, you're getting paid in coke.
00:54:20.000 Everything's set up correctly.
00:54:22.000 Plus you're Irish. 1.00
00:54:23.000 So you're like, these assholes think they're going to come in here and big shot their way around. 1.00
00:54:27.000 It's the perfect Irish arrest to just go, we're going to show you what a fucking big shot you are. 1.00
00:54:33.000 The pleasure they got in their souls out of watching that week after week. 0.99
00:54:38.000 Of course they did it constantly.
00:54:39.000 The only person I saw survived that...
00:54:41.000 That gauntlet was Dom Herrera.
00:54:43.000 Dom Herrera, he murdered.
00:54:46.000 He went up there.
00:54:46.000 He was famous enough at the time that a lot of the audience was there to see him.
00:54:52.000 And he was working so much.
00:54:54.000 He was cool as a cucumber.
00:54:55.000 He would go on. 0.95
00:54:55.000 And his material was so goddamn good. 0.95
00:54:57.000 So funny. 0.88
00:54:58.000 So solid. 0.52
00:54:59.000 He went up there and he killed.
00:55:00.000 And I remember at the end of it, he goes, ladies and gentlemen, I've been Dom Herrera.
00:55:04.000 I've been great.
00:55:05.000 You guys were okay.
00:55:06.000 You weren't a bad audience.
00:55:08.000 Okay.
00:55:08.000 He just had this casual confidence and he survived the gauntlet.
00:55:13.000 They tried.
00:55:14.000 They tried to take him out.
00:55:16.000 I could see it.
00:55:17.000 One after the other they set people up.
00:55:19.000 I saw some crazy shows.
00:55:20.000 I saw Bill Hicks get set up there.
00:55:22.000 Oh, wow. 1.00
00:55:23.000 Bill Hicks got set up there, cleared the fucking room, and never stopped. 1.00
00:55:26.000 Never stopped swinging. 0.99
00:55:27.000 It was me and Greg Fitzsimmons.
00:55:30.000 We were open micers at the time.
00:55:31.000 And we were sitting in the back of the room at Nick's Comedy Stop.
00:55:34.000 And Hicks started out with 300 people, and he was down to maybe 40. Maybe 35, 40 people at the end.
00:55:41.000 And everybody had just gotten up and left. 0.99
00:55:43.000 And it was a row of comics in the back, laughing our fucking ass off. 0.98
00:55:47.000 It just, like, he was looking up. 0.99
00:55:50.000 He had some bit about someone taking a shit, right? 0.99
00:55:53.000 So he's, like, grunting over a toilet bowl. 0.98
00:55:56.000 And he looks up.
00:55:57.000 And he goes, this usually clears the room.
00:55:59.000 And people are just getting up.
00:56:02.000 And just the crazy thing about it was the calmness of his bombing was stunning.
00:56:08.000 Yes.
00:56:08.000 Always.
00:56:09.000 I was like, he's so relaxed while bombing.
00:56:12.000 Yeah.
00:56:12.000 No, I never saw anybody who literally would just be like, he had such a zen-like attitude about Kyle because he did it since he was like 15 or whatever he was.
00:56:23.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:56:24.000 And T-Shawn speaking, they all knew him when he first began.
00:56:27.000 And they said his whole act was joke jokes, hilarious joke jokes.
00:56:32.000 Like he had all this material, but it was all like one-liners that he wrote.
00:56:35.000 When he was 16 and 15. Yeah, there's a video of him when he was really young.
00:56:39.000 Yeah.
00:56:40.000 He was real smooth.
00:56:41.000 And the video is him before he was 18. He's fucking smooth. 0.99
00:56:44.000 And then he was like, hey, guess what? 0.99
00:56:45.000 I want to do this a different way.
00:56:46.000 I mean, he was just a searcher, you know?
00:56:48.000 And also, when I caught him, when I saw him, I saw him live a few times, he'd already quit doing drugs.
00:56:54.000 He was already clean, and he just saw this really strange, introspective, thought-provoking act.
00:57:01.000 And people didn't know what to make of it.
00:57:03.000 He really changed comedy in a lot of ways, because a lot of people imitated him, because they would see him, and they would go, you know, comedy can kind of be profound.
00:57:13.000 It doesn't just have to be funny. 0.99
00:57:15.000 This guy made me feel like what I was talking about was stupid. 1.00
00:57:19.000 That I was dumb. 1.00
00:57:21.000 I remember in the back green room in the Atlanta punchline, the green room had graffiti on the wall. 0.96
00:57:31.000 And one of the things that said, quit trying to be Hicks.
00:57:35.000 Because there's so many guys that were trying to be hicks.
00:57:38.000 It's so common. 1.00
00:57:39.000 People would tell the audience how dumb they were and how dumb America was. 1.00
00:57:45.000 I know. 1.00
00:57:45.000 They were trying to be profound without doing all the work first. 1.00
00:57:49.000 That's right.
00:57:50.000 That's right.
00:57:50.000 How many people masquerade as...
00:57:55.000 Freaking out the crowd with their brilliance when it's just that you're not that funny.
00:57:58.000 I mean, you know, first be funny.
00:58:01.000 Like, doctors first do no harm.
00:58:03.000 First be funny.
00:58:04.000 Then, if you can be profound, that's great.
00:58:07.000 That's another level.
00:58:08.000 But don't be up there going, hey, you guys don't get it.
00:58:11.000 I'm ruining your middle-class bourgeois mentality. 1.00
00:58:14.000 He's like, no, you're not stupid. 0.97
00:58:16.000 When Lenny Bruce did it, yes, that was shocking and it was groundbreaking. 0.98
00:58:20.000 Don't be acting like, you know what I mean, Hicks or Lenny Bruce.
00:58:23.000 I would have loved to see Hicks with a podcast. 0.98
00:58:25.000 Goddamn, he would have had a great podcast. 0.98
00:58:27.000 Yeah. 0.99
00:58:28.000 He would have had a really interesting podcast.
00:58:30.000 Yeah, you're right.
00:58:31.000 There were some real interesting interviews with him where he would do an interview and he wouldn't really try to be funny.
00:58:37.000 That was the thing in these interviews.
00:58:39.000 Guys would be half doing their act.
00:58:41.000 Sure. 1.00
00:58:42.000 He did a little bit of that, but for the most part, he would actually talk about shit. 0.98
00:58:45.000 No, yeah, I'm going to do that for the second half of this, going to my act. 0.99
00:58:48.000 That's what I was getting to.
00:58:50.000 Trying to work you into that.
00:58:54.000 You don't have to be funny.
00:58:55.000 Remember when they used to do that in radio in the 80s, at least when I started?
00:59:00.000 They go, listen, tell us what you set you up for.
00:59:02.000 Oh, yeah.
00:59:03.000 Dude, the 80s?
00:59:04.000 I had someone try to do that to me in like 2014. I did the Bomb and Tom show back then.
00:59:09.000 I was like, what?
00:59:10.000 What are you talking about?
00:59:12.000 Maybe it was 2005, but it was the 2000s.
00:59:16.000 In the 80s, that was the normal thing.
00:59:18.000 If you said no, they'd be like, oh my god, this guy's going to be terrible.
00:59:22.000 In Bomb and Tom's defense, they didn't care, but the producer was adamant that I need to have specific things to talk about to go into.
00:59:29.000 I was like, what?
00:59:30.000 I'm not just going to go have fun.
00:59:32.000 These guys are fun.
00:59:33.000 I'm fun.
00:59:34.000 Just relax.
00:59:35.000 Yeah.
00:59:35.000 Exactly.
00:59:36.000 So you flew out here.
00:59:37.000 How was your flight?
00:59:38.000 Well, it was pretty good, but there was a guy next to me.
00:59:43.000 Yeah, the morning radio thing.
00:59:45.000 There was a lot of guys would do their act on morning radio.
00:59:49.000 Sure.
00:59:49.000 Because nobody was recording it.
00:59:51.000 Because it was like, you know, there was no internet back then.
00:59:54.000 And comedy was so new that people would be driving and go, hey, this guy's pretty funny.
00:59:57.000 Let's get out there.
00:59:58.000 I mean, it was there for a reason, you know?
01:00:00.000 Guys would do routines in the morning.
01:00:03.000 And it worked.
01:00:04.000 Yeah.
01:00:04.000 It got people to come out to the club, and then they would hear the same jokes at the club.
01:00:09.000 Yeah.
01:00:09.000 That was the other thing, too, is that nobody wrote new material back then.
01:00:12.000 Nobody.
01:00:13.000 I know so many guys that were so funny, and they'd write maybe 40. And that was it.
01:00:21.000 And they were as funny as anybody.
01:00:23.000 Forever.
01:00:24.000 Forever.
01:00:24.000 And then you fade away.
01:00:26.000 But I mean, yeah.
01:00:27.000 And they had fun.
01:00:27.000 It wasn't that the material was dated.
01:00:30.000 It was just once you stop writing that stuff, something about you becomes dated in some weird way.
01:00:35.000 Well, their act would get so polished.
01:00:39.000 It would be like a samurai sword.
01:00:41.000 They would hammer it down to just a perfect sharpness. 1.00
01:00:45.000 Like Don Gavin, his fucking timing was so precise. 0.99
01:00:49.000 So funny. 1.00
01:00:50.000 Ba-bing, ba-bang, ba-bang. 0.77
01:00:51.000 And you'd be crying.
01:00:52.000 He was so confident and loose.
01:00:54.000 But they never left.
01:00:56.000 They never left Boston.
01:00:57.000 They stayed.
01:00:57.000 They had that 40 minutes.
01:00:58.000 And they were as good as any comic that has ever lived.
01:01:02.000 As anybody.
01:01:03.000 Ever.
01:01:04.000 Yeah.
01:01:04.000 And people didn't know.
01:01:05.000 But in New York, too.
01:01:06.000 There's a bunch of guys in New York that were just...
01:01:09.000 Great in the mid-80s when I started.
01:01:10.000 These guys were so funny.
01:01:16.000 I was afraid you were going to say that.
01:01:20.000 Well, like a guy like John Heyman.
01:01:23.000 Hilarious.
01:01:23.000 He became a writer.
01:01:25.000 But I'm saying he would get up and just...
01:01:27.000 So funny.
01:01:28.000 And he was just...
01:01:29.000 He was the guy that would just sit at the bar all in the community.
01:01:31.000 Just clever, witty guy.
01:01:33.000 You know what I mean?
01:01:33.000 He could have been one of the greats.
01:01:35.000 And everybody knew it.
01:01:37.000 New York had a different thing in that the clubs were smaller.
01:01:40.000 Because space was more limited.
01:01:41.000 So the people were on top of you.
01:01:43.000 So you had a lot of guys working the crowd.
01:01:45.000 Because they were so close to you, you almost felt like you had to.
01:01:48.000 Yeah.
01:01:49.000 Yeah.
01:01:51.000 Well, I mean, yeah, most of the clubs in New York, it was a lot of crowd work.
01:01:55.000 Yeah.
01:01:56.000 Which was good and bad.
01:01:58.000 It was good in the sense that, you know, it's funny to watch somebody be, you know what I mean?
01:02:02.000 It keeps it, but it's bad in the sense that a lot of people just became great at crowd work.
01:02:08.000 I mean, how many guys that are just great at crowd work?
01:02:10.000 Crowd work's fun and it's funny, but you got to discipline yourself.
01:02:14.000 If you're not writing, when you're going to do a show and the stage is up there and you're talking to imaginary people, which a lot of people do, and you're like, hey, that guy.
01:02:23.000 And then after the show, when you start and you're like, hey, that guy wasn't fat.
01:02:26.000 Hey.
01:02:29.000 She was... 0.99
01:02:29.000 Her tits weren't out. 0.99
01:02:30.000 Why is he saying she was dressed like a hook? 1.00
01:02:32.000 This guy's...
01:02:33.000 This is fake crowd work.
01:02:34.000 Yeah, there's a lot of guys that do that.
01:02:37.000 Well, the crowd work is like...
01:02:39.000 It's like local material.
01:02:41.000 It's a cheat code.
01:02:42.000 Right.
01:02:42.000 When people think that you're coming up with it on the spot, they think, this guy's brilliant.
01:02:46.000 Yeah.
01:02:47.000 The part I object to is when somebody does something every night, spontaneous, and then they pretend they stumble into it and then start laughing at themselves.
01:02:56.000 Oh, that's ugly.
01:02:57.000 The fake laugh at yourself.
01:02:59.000 Sometimes you will laugh at yourself.
01:03:01.000 Yes, it happens.
01:03:02.000 But the audience knows when it's not real.
01:03:05.000 Yeah.
01:03:06.000 They know.
01:03:07.000 They know. 1.00
01:03:07.000 Unless they're retarded. 1.00
01:03:08.000 Some people don't know, but most people know. 0.99
01:03:13.000 Yeah.
01:03:13.000 And they might let you get away with it.
01:03:15.000 But when you're laughing at saying the same joke for the 50,000th time...
01:03:21.000 Yeah.
01:03:22.000 No, it's crazy.
01:03:23.000 I mean, it really is a great thing about modern comedy is that everybody knows you've got to keep putting out new hours.
01:03:29.000 That's the great thing about modern comedy.
01:03:31.000 Yeah, with specials.
01:03:32.000 Yes.
01:03:32.000 Yeah.
01:03:33.000 Well, you've done an interesting thing where you've done these theme shows.
01:03:36.000 Yeah.
01:03:37.000 What led you to want to start doing that?
01:03:40.000 You had ideas that you wanted to do that way, like a one-man show?
01:03:44.000 Yeah, I remember seeing one-man shows when I first started.
01:03:48.000 I saw Eric Boghossian.
01:03:49.000 Do you know him?
01:03:50.000 Yes, I remember him.
01:03:51.000 He did these one-man shows, and I was like, oh my God.
01:03:53.000 This guy's the coolest guy.
01:03:55.000 He's being funny, doing his characters.
01:03:57.000 So I wanted to do that kind of stuff.
01:03:59.000 So I did this stuff in the early 90s, just one-man shows on my free time.
01:04:04.000 And I watched Lily Tomlin did one.
01:04:09.000 Whoopi Goldberg did a really good one back then.
01:04:11.000 And I'm watching these one-person shows, and I was like, I want to do that.
01:04:14.000 And I did this one called Irish Wake about growing up back then.
01:04:18.000 But then I just went back to stand-up, because stand-up is, you know how it is.
01:04:23.000 It's so...
01:04:23.000 It keeps you from being out of the loop mentally in some way.
01:04:28.000 Yeah.
01:04:29.000 That you can't...
01:04:30.000 Because it's just...
01:04:31.000 You know, I just talk to Jerry about it all the time and it's like going into the water and just getting hit by a wave.
01:04:37.000 Because all the theoretical stuff, like even now, here we are talking, stand up this and that.
01:04:42.000 It's all theory.
01:04:43.000 Once you're on stage with a crowd, you're like, ah!
01:04:45.000 Ah!
01:04:45.000 Ah!
01:04:46.000 You're surviving.
01:04:47.000 You know what I mean?
01:04:47.000 Yeah.
01:04:48.000 So it's like, yeah, I'm going to do this.
01:04:49.000 All my strategies.
01:04:50.000 But now you got to, you know what I mean?
01:04:52.000 It's a fight.
01:04:53.000 When you watch a guy like Jerry, who's been doing it forever, who's such a polished pro and is having a tough spot.
01:04:59.000 Yeah.
01:05:00.000 It's weird.
01:05:00.000 It's weird to see.
01:05:01.000 Be like, yep, we're all still just comics.
01:05:04.000 We're all still comics.
01:05:06.000 But that's the beauty of it, is that the crowd is just like a wave.
01:05:10.000 They'll give you a couple minutes.
01:05:12.000 Yeah.
01:05:12.000 Oh, look, Colin Quinn's here.
01:05:14.000 Hey, he's funny.
01:05:15.000 They'll give you a couple minutes, and after a while, like, come on.
01:05:19.000 Yeah, they're like the three guys I never heard of were making us laugh, and the guy I know is not.
01:05:24.000 What's going on here?
01:05:24.000 I paid money to laugh.
01:05:26.000 Exactly.
01:05:26.000 And that's the beauty of it.
01:05:27.000 Yeah.
01:05:28.000 Because whatever you want to say, like we're talking about with Bill, whatever you want to say, that's great.
01:05:32.000 Yeah.
01:05:33.000 But you still have to make them laugh, or it's not, by definition, it's not comedy.
01:05:37.000 Right.
01:05:37.000 You may be a philosopher.
01:05:38.000 You may be the most brilliant, or TED Talk, as they say today.
01:05:42.000 But it's not comedy.
01:05:43.000 That's the importance also of showcase clubs, where there's a bunch of comics going up and they're not just there to see you.
01:05:49.000 Because if people are just there to see you, they'll laugh at things.
01:05:52.000 If they're just a giant fan of whoever it is, Jim Gaffigan, they go to see Jim Gaffigan, and Jim Gaffigan's a very funny guy, but they will laugh They will laugh at him.
01:06:03.000 But Jim Gaffigan will go to these other clubs to work out, too, because you have to do that as well.
01:06:08.000 You've got to go to a place where they don't necessarily come to see you.
01:06:12.000 They come to see a show.
01:06:13.000 And you're on the show, but you've got to perform.
01:06:16.000 Yeah.
01:06:17.000 Yeah.
01:06:17.000 No, exactly.
01:06:18.000 It doesn't have an art form like that.
01:06:20.000 No.
01:06:21.000 Musicians don't have to do that.
01:06:22.000 No.
01:06:23.000 There's no other art form where you need the audience to help you write, edit.
01:06:27.000 Yeah.
01:06:27.000 Yeah.
01:06:28.000 You literally need them.
01:06:29.000 That's why this coronavirus is so brutal for community because without the audience, you're going to ramble on and on.
01:06:36.000 You know what I mean?
01:06:37.000 Yes.
01:06:37.000 You'll go into long setups with little punchlines and you won't even know.
01:06:41.000 The audience will be like, no, no, no.
01:06:44.000 Get to the joke.
01:06:44.000 And you're like, oh, I forgot to edit.
01:06:46.000 End this thing.
01:06:47.000 How can I do this for this many years and forget?
01:06:49.000 You need an ending.
01:06:51.000 Did you see Cosby at all before he wound up going to jail?
01:06:54.000 Did you ever see him live?
01:06:56.000 No.
01:06:56.000 I never saw him live.
01:06:57.000 I mean, I saw him live once when I worked at Great...
01:07:00.000 I was actually working as a security guard when he was there live.
01:07:03.000 But I didn't get to see...
01:07:04.000 I wasn't a comic back then.
01:07:05.000 I was 19. I didn't get to see the whole show.
01:07:08.000 I really paid attention to it.
01:07:09.000 But...
01:07:10.000 He never worked out.
01:07:12.000 And he talked about it.
01:07:13.000 He said, I know what's funny.
01:07:15.000 I know how to do funny.
01:07:17.000 I don't need to work out my material.
01:07:18.000 So he would just kind of write.
01:07:21.000 And then he would go up and do these.
01:07:23.000 And from all accounts, like Chris Rock said it and Burr said it, they went to see him. 0.98
01:07:28.000 They said it was fucking brilliant. 0.94
01:07:30.000 Brilliant. 0.94
01:07:30.000 Yeah. 0.94
01:07:31.000 And he didn't work out.
01:07:32.000 I would like to see what that was like.
01:07:34.000 I would like to see it, too.
01:07:35.000 Yeah, Jerry Seinfeld, Chris Rock, they always said they went to see Bill Cosby and loved it.
01:07:39.000 You know what I mean?
01:07:40.000 Yeah.
01:07:40.000 I mean, I wonder about that.
01:07:42.000 It's a little hero worship, too, right?
01:07:43.000 Like, how much of it is you're supposed to love it?
01:07:46.000 How much of it you love it because it's great?
01:07:49.000 Yeah, I guess.
01:07:49.000 I mean, if they hero-worshipped him.
01:07:51.000 Yeah.
01:07:52.000 Before he got arrested, everybody hero-worshipped him.
01:07:56.000 I didn't.
01:07:56.000 You didn't?
01:07:57.000 I didn't like his act that much.
01:07:59.000 I mean, I thought he was...
01:08:00.000 One time I did a big benefit, a big Connie Hall show.
01:08:04.000 It was right after 9-11, and Cosby was on.
01:08:07.000 And it's an interesting night for two years, but one of them is...
01:08:12.000 He asked to meet me after my set.
01:08:14.000 He was here worshipping me, Joe, in my opinion.
01:08:16.000 But he brought me up because he wanted to meet me because of my set.
01:08:19.000 So I go up and I brought my girlfriend at the time.
01:08:21.000 Very, you know, pretty.
01:08:23.000 And...
01:08:25.000 I walked in with her and she had a certain look that I could, you know, like very exotic looking too.
01:08:30.000 And, you know, dressed up.
01:08:32.000 And Cosby was there in sweatpants smoking a cigar in Carnegie Hall, which, you know, only certain people get away with.
01:08:39.000 He's in some dressing room in Carnegie Hall with a cigar.
01:08:41.000 And he's talked to me for 20 minutes.
01:08:44.000 He looked at me for about eight seconds.
01:08:47.000 He was literally looking, but he made it a joke, but it was dead serious.
01:08:51.000 But he was looking at her while he was talking to me the whole time.
01:08:54.000 And we're all like laughing like he's in on the joke.
01:08:57.000 But it was so, like she thought it was so weird.
01:09:01.000 But the same night, Tom Papa was there with his wife, Cynthia.
01:09:04.000 And Bill Clinton was there too.
01:09:06.000 It was like a big, you know, right at the 9-11.
01:09:08.000 And Clinton was shot.
01:09:09.000 He walked around the room.
01:09:10.000 He just, he was so smart, you know, everything they say about him.
01:09:14.000 But then he starts talking to Tom Papa.
01:09:15.000 He starts flirting with Cynthia right in front of everybody and we're all laughing.
01:09:19.000 But he's like, hey, I love her.
01:09:23.000 It was one of those nights.
01:09:24.000 Fascinating.
01:09:25.000 In retrospect, right?
01:09:27.000 It was a Me Too benefit in retrospect.
01:09:29.000 I remember I called Bill Cosby a douchebag on your show when I was on Tough Crowd.
01:09:33.000 You were ahead of the time. 0.82
01:09:35.000 He was being interviewed by Wanda Sykes.
01:09:39.000 Right.
01:09:40.000 And Wanda was interviewing him and he starts chastising her for the way she's talking to him.
01:09:45.000 That's right.
01:09:45.000 And he had sunglasses on.
01:09:46.000 I go, that guy's a fucking douchebag. 1.00
01:09:48.000 That's great. 1.00
01:09:50.000 And I remember thinking like, geez, who the fuck am I to call Bill Cosby a douchebag? 0.99
01:09:54.000 I mean, this is like... 0.99
01:09:55.000 Yes.
01:09:55.000 I mean, when was Tough Crowd?
01:09:57.000 What year am I talking about?
01:09:58.000 2003, 2004. Yeah.
01:10:00.000 And I was like, he's a fucking douchebag. 1.00
01:10:02.000 That's hilarious. 1.00
01:10:03.000 I remember that when he was like, yeah, you...
01:10:05.000 She was just having fun and talking to him.
01:10:09.000 She was just trying to be funny.
01:10:11.000 And he chastised her for the way she was speaking.
01:10:14.000 It was crazy.
01:10:16.000 It was real weird. 1.00
01:10:17.000 Like, who the fuck are you to tell her how to talk? 0.99
01:10:19.000 Especially on TV at that time. 0.99
01:10:21.000 Everybody loves Wanda.
01:10:22.000 Yeah, just walking around the crowd.
01:10:24.000 And she's just working.
01:10:26.000 She's a comic. 0.99
01:10:27.000 Yes.
01:10:28.000 Nothing she did was offensive.
01:10:31.000 It was just her talking. 0.95
01:10:32.000 And I remember being on the show, and then I remember leaving going, Jesus, I should want to call Bill Cosby a douchebag? 0.80
01:10:38.000 I probably shouldn't do that.
01:10:40.000 I feel like a lot of people left the show saying something like that.
01:10:43.000 That show would not be possible today.
01:10:47.000 No.
01:10:48.000 I mean, it really was like a podcast in a lot of ways, you know?
01:10:51.000 Yeah.
01:10:51.000 It really was.
01:10:52.000 It was. 0.99
01:10:52.000 It was a fucking great show, though. 0.99
01:10:54.000 Thanks. 0.99
01:10:55.000 It was a great show.
01:10:56.000 Thanks.
01:10:56.000 It really was.
01:10:57.000 And you were the perfect host for it, too, because you were loose enough and light enough with everything that you can kind of keep the glue together.
01:11:04.000 Yeah.
01:11:04.000 I mean, I took as much abuse as anybody on that.
01:11:06.000 Oh, yeah.
01:11:07.000 But it was a rare moment where, like, in perfect name, too.
01:11:11.000 Tough Crowd was a perfect name for it.
01:11:13.000 Has there ever been a talk about bringing that back?
01:11:15.000 Oh, God, yeah.
01:11:16.000 Everybody talks about it, but I'm like, where?
01:11:18.000 You know what I mean?
01:11:19.000 What about as a podcast?
01:11:21.000 People say that.
01:11:21.000 I don't know.
01:11:22.000 Why not?
01:11:23.000 I mean, because, first of all, I resented at the time that I was like, nah, you They didn't want it.
01:11:30.000 You know what I mean?
01:11:30.000 Like, who knows what I'm presenting?
01:11:32.000 I'm fighting against something that's not even part of the podcast world.
01:11:34.000 Right.
01:11:35.000 But then I was just like, I don't know.
01:11:37.000 Then I'm going to, you know what I mean?
01:11:39.000 Getting everybody together.
01:11:40.000 And, you know, people's careers would fall left and right if we did it.
01:11:45.000 Oh, yeah.
01:11:46.000 I mean, anybody on there, would they be able to really even speak honestly today?
01:11:51.000 Kinda.
01:11:52.000 You gotta have a career that's pretty locked in already.
01:11:57.000 Or you gotta be on the come up where you got nothing to lose. 1.00
01:12:01.000 It's the guys that are on a television show that are fucked. 1.00
01:12:04.000 Yeah. 0.99
01:12:05.000 Like the guys who get a TV show where you're really worried about losing it.
01:12:09.000 Right.
01:12:10.000 Those guys can't.
01:12:11.000 They can't do a show like that.
01:12:12.000 But back then you could.
01:12:14.000 Oh, back then we did.
01:12:15.000 There it is.
01:12:16.000 Colin Quinn, tough crowd.
01:12:18.000 There it is.
01:12:19.000 Look at that.
01:12:20.000 That is Patrice O'Neal.
01:12:21.000 Patrice! 1.00
01:12:22.000 Oh, he was the star of that fucking show. 1.00
01:12:24.000 Well, Norton was great on that show. 1.00
01:12:26.000 DePaulo was great on that show.
01:12:27.000 Everybody was great on that.
01:12:28.000 Giraldo.
01:12:29.000 There's Giraldo.
01:12:30.000 Giraldo.
01:12:30.000 I remember when Giraldo and Leary went at it.
01:12:33.000 That was one of the great moments of that show.
01:12:34.000 Ten years until Giraldo's dead two days ago.
01:12:38.000 Yeah, him and Larry, that was a good one.
01:12:39.000 And Lenny Clark was there.
01:12:40.000 It was just a great setup.
01:12:42.000 Like, the way you had it, it was just a great setup.
01:12:44.000 Patrice literally, it was basically his show.
01:12:48.000 As you can see from that footage, I was a guest.
01:12:50.000 He was the host.
01:12:51.000 Little chubby Jimmy.
01:12:52.000 Look at Jimmy back in the chubby days. 1.00
01:12:54.000 I know, he really looks like a fat fool. 1.00
01:12:56.000 But, um... 1.00
01:13:00.000 This is a great fucking show, man. 0.99
01:13:02.000 How many episodes did you guys wind up doing? 1.00
01:13:05.000 200, I think.
01:13:06.000 Wow.
01:13:07.000 220 or something.
01:13:08.000 I have no...
01:13:09.000 Can we get you to do it as a podcast?
01:13:13.000 I don't know.
01:13:14.000 Because you could get guys like me, guys like established comics would do it, and it would be wild.
01:13:20.000 You could still do it.
01:13:21.000 It could still be done.
01:13:22.000 As a podcast. 0.99
01:13:24.000 Because you have a guy like Joey Diaz on, he doesn't give a fuck. 0.98
01:13:27.000 You can have those guys and they will talk freely. 0.99
01:13:31.000 Yeah.
01:13:32.000 And people would love it.
01:13:33.000 Oh my God, they would love it.
01:13:35.000 Yeah, it might be.
01:13:36.000 I don't know.
01:13:36.000 I mean, over the years, obviously, people have brought it up to me and I was always like, no, because I could never be free today.
01:13:42.000 Do you own the name?
01:13:42.000 No, but I got a better one.
01:13:44.000 The original name, which everybody talked me off of.
01:13:47.000 Which is the expression, really more than tough crowd.
01:13:50.000 Tough Room.
01:13:53.000 And I think I do own the name.
01:13:55.000 Yeah.
01:13:56.000 Anyway.
01:13:56.000 Either way, Tough Room is better.
01:13:58.000 Tough Room is a podcast.
01:13:59.000 Tough Room.
01:14:00.000 Why not?
01:14:03.000 I don't know.
01:14:04.000 Maybe.
01:14:05.000 How many guys in New York would do it?
01:14:07.000 A lot.
01:14:07.000 Yes.
01:14:08.000 Easy.
01:14:09.000 Yeah.
01:14:09.000 Norton would do it, for sure.
01:14:10.000 100%.
01:14:11.000 Well, he wouldn't be invited on, but you're right.
01:14:14.000 You brought up the one name.
01:14:16.000 Someone that's not welcome on the show.
01:14:20.000 There's plenty of comics that would do it.
01:14:22.000 I know, I know.
01:14:22.000 Joey Diaz is in Jersey now.
01:14:24.000 Oh, yeah?
01:14:24.000 He's out there in the East Coast.
01:14:26.000 Yeah, he got the fuck out. 0.96
01:14:27.000 Most people are leaving. 0.99
01:14:28.000 L.A. is just a sinking ship.
01:14:30.000 Yeah, everybody's leaving.
01:14:31.000 Yeah, it's sad.
01:14:32.000 It's sad.
01:14:33.000 But it's also good.
01:14:35.000 Things move on.
01:14:35.000 Like I said, comedy.
01:14:37.000 I'm not even kidding.
01:14:38.000 What if it becomes this outdoor thing?
01:14:43.000 Everyone's going to move down south.
01:14:44.000 It could be an outdoor thing, but I think more than anything, it could be a thing where you just...
01:14:49.000 I think they're going to have some sort of a treatment for COVID sooner or later.
01:14:53.000 And it's just a matter of like...
01:14:54.000 Look, the reason why LA was LA was because everybody came out there to do TV and movies.
01:15:00.000 Right.
01:15:00.000 Right.
01:15:00.000 And then they wound up doing comedy as well.
01:15:02.000 And then they did comedy while they were doing TV and movies.
01:15:04.000 But it was always...
01:15:05.000 When I started in the 90s in LA, it was a means to an end.
01:15:09.000 When I came out there, I came out there to do a television show and there was a lot of people that were doing stand-up hoping they would get a TV show.
01:15:15.000 I came out there with a TV show hoping to get passed as a paid regular at the store.
01:15:20.000 And then once I was there, I was like, this is weird because I don't really want to...
01:15:24.000 I was doing TV for money.
01:15:26.000 And every time a new TV project came up, I was like, okay.
01:15:28.000 But really, I had this dream.
01:15:29.000 My dream was like, I would really love if I could just do stand-up.
01:15:33.000 Like, I'm doing all this stuff so I can make an...
01:15:35.000 Like, Stan Hope said it best.
01:15:36.000 He goes, basically, we're doing TV to make sure we have an audience so that we could do stand-up.
01:15:41.000 Absolutely.
01:15:42.000 But now, that doesn't exist anymore. 0.84
01:15:44.000 Nobody gives a fuck about TV. Nobody cares. 0.86
01:15:46.000 For a lot of comics, if you get a TV show, it's like, ah, poor guy, he got a show. 1.00
01:15:50.000 It's like, now you're fucked. 0.99
01:15:52.000 You're right! 1.00
01:15:52.000 You're gonna get less money. 1.00
01:15:53.000 You can't say what you want.
01:15:54.000 You can't talk wild.
01:15:56.000 And you never know when you're scheduled.
01:15:58.000 You can't go on the road.
01:15:58.000 Right, right.
01:15:59.000 And you have to deal with all these weird politics of sets now.
01:16:04.000 It's like every set has to be diverse.
01:16:07.000 The casting is weird.
01:16:08.000 It's all fake.
01:16:10.000 It's like you're not casting the best people.
01:16:12.000 You have to make sure you have an Asian character or this character.
01:16:16.000 Where's your gay representation?
01:16:19.000 If it's an urban gang, they have to all look like Greg Kinnear.
01:16:26.000 But it's just, nowadays you don't need that Hollywood environment anymore. 0.75
01:16:32.000 It's actually an impediment because it comes with executives and it comes with agents and it comes with all these people that are going to get their greasy hands on the formula and fuck it up.
01:16:41.000 They're going to tell you what to do and what not to do.
01:16:42.000 They're going to pull you aside. 0.96
01:16:44.000 They're going to give you shitty advice. 1.00
01:16:46.000 Their creative input is going to be dog shit. 1.00
01:16:49.000 Well, a place like this, Colin Quinn, out here in Texas, you don't have that. 1.00
01:16:54.000 I know.
01:16:54.000 I know.
01:16:55.000 I love it.
01:16:56.000 Are you going to move here?
01:16:57.000 I don't know.
01:16:59.000 I don't know.
01:17:00.000 I mean, I do love it.
01:17:02.000 I love the idea of moving here, and I love it.
01:17:06.000 I'm trying to get everybody to move here.
01:17:07.000 I know.
01:17:08.000 That's half the goal of having people on this podcast.
01:17:11.000 Yeah, well, I'd like to...
01:17:13.000 If I move here, I'm going to do it.
01:17:15.000 I want to be one of the early ones.
01:17:17.000 I don't want to be one of the guys that comes in...
01:17:19.000 Like, oh, now he's jumping in the bandwagon.
01:17:22.000 Fifth year.
01:17:23.000 Right.
01:17:23.000 Yeah.
01:17:23.000 No, I don't want anyone...
01:17:24.000 If I do it, it'll have to be in the next year because I can't be one of these guys that's, you know, coming in late to the party.
01:17:29.000 Well, you're going to help me design the club, right?
01:17:31.000 Maybe I come down as the designer slash manager of the club.
01:17:35.000 And, well, maybe I secretly book the club.
01:17:38.000 And people go, who's the prick that's booking this club? 0.89
01:17:41.000 Right. 0.92
01:17:41.000 You never know. 0.92
01:17:41.000 Like, you leave your... 0.92
01:17:43.000 We both know better.
01:17:44.000 Yeah, you can't have a single person that people can call to get booked.
01:17:48.000 Or I've always felt, even as much as I love comedians, and I love comedians, they're my favorite people, I always feel sorry for bookers.
01:17:56.000 Because having to deal with us, people don't understand the mental disorder, you have to have to be a successful comedian.
01:18:01.000 Which is, you have to think...
01:18:04.000 If I was up there right now, no matter who's up there, I'd do good too.
01:18:08.000 I'm as funny as anybody.
01:18:09.000 And if you don't think that, you can't last.
01:18:11.000 The sad thing is people that think that, or no one else thinks that.
01:18:16.000 The other comics know they're not good, and they're like, I don't get the respect I deserve.
01:18:20.000 No, but you do.
01:18:22.000 Here's the thing about comedy.
01:18:24.000 Everybody gets the respect they deserve.
01:18:26.000 Anybody who says, you know, I didn't, you know, they made it seem like I had to earn their respect.
01:18:31.000 You do.
01:18:32.000 You do have to earn their respect.
01:18:34.000 And you get what you deserve in this.
01:18:36.000 This is a meritocracy.
01:18:38.000 It's the closest thing to a meritocracy that could exist.
01:18:41.000 I agree.
01:18:42.000 It is.
01:18:42.000 Out of any job in the world, it's the closest thing to a meritocracy.
01:18:45.000 Whenever you see a comic saying, I'm not getting the respect I deserve, you're like, oh, no, that's not true.
01:18:50.000 You do get what you deserve.
01:18:53.000 Because when people are murderers, everybody bows down. 0.99
01:18:57.000 Everybody goes, that guy's fucking great, or she's amazing. 0.99
01:18:59.000 Right. 0.99
01:18:59.000 Everybody does it. 0.99
01:19:00.000 Well, unless they're real hacks.
01:19:01.000 There's hacks that I'll never follow.
01:19:05.000 Right. 0.50
01:19:05.000 Because they're killers. 0.50
01:19:06.000 And I bow down to the fact that they can do that, even though I hate them for it. 0.63
01:19:12.000 But I'll say, I give them a little bit of credit.
01:19:15.000 I know what you're saying.
01:19:16.000 I know what you're saying.
01:19:16.000 They figured out a way to juke the system.
01:19:18.000 Yes.
01:19:19.000 But in terms of a great comic.
01:19:21.000 Right.
01:19:21.000 A comic that the audience likes that we all respect.
01:19:24.000 Whoever you want.
01:19:24.000 With a guy, girl, gay, straight.
01:19:27.000 Absolutely.
01:19:28.000 White, black, Asian. 1.00
01:19:30.000 No one gives a fuck. 1.00
01:19:31.000 Are you a killer? 1.00
01:19:32.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:19:32.000 Are you a killer? 1.00
01:19:33.000 That's right. 1.00
01:19:34.000 Yeah.
01:19:34.000 And if you're not a killer and you think you are, it's a rough road.
01:19:37.000 Yeah.
01:19:37.000 Oh, yeah.
01:19:39.000 I don't get the respect I deserve from this club.
01:19:42.000 But you do.
01:19:43.000 But you do. 1.00
01:19:44.000 If you were laying it down every night, they would all be like, God damn, he's killing it. 0.99
01:19:49.000 But this is what I'm saying. 0.99
01:19:50.000 Bookers, everybody thinks they should be at that place right then.
01:19:55.000 Everybody thinks you should be on stage all the time.
01:19:57.000 So to be a booker, you're going to make a lot of enemies.
01:20:01.000 And then there's people that think that there should be a certain amount of women. 0.98
01:20:06.000 There should be more women on this lineup. 1.00
01:20:08.000 No, there shouldn't.
01:20:09.000 No.
01:20:09.000 If they're funny, they should be.
01:20:11.000 Oh, yeah.
01:20:11.000 But look, I've always said, and I still maintain this day, I think it's a difficult road for a woman.
01:20:16.000 I think there's a lot of men that don't want to hear women talk about politics.
01:20:20.000 There's a lot of men who don't want to hear women tell them things that maybe they don't know or say comedy in a way like they're explaining things to the men.
01:20:29.000 There's a lot of men are sexist.
01:20:31.000 I think it's harder.
01:20:32.000 Right.
01:20:32.000 Sure.
01:20:32.000 Harder for them to talk about sex.
01:20:36.000 Christopher Hitchens had a whole article he wrote in Vanity Fair about this back in the day.
01:20:42.000 It was very controversial.
01:20:43.000 It was called Women Aren't Funny. 1.00
01:20:44.000 And all these women got really upset at him.
01:20:46.000 But he was basically saying if you want to be a woman and be a comedian, you kind of have to adopt male characteristics. 1.00
01:20:54.000 You have to either act like a slut or act like a guy or be butch. 1.00
01:20:58.000 Well, I don't agree. 1.00
01:20:59.000 It's not true.
01:21:00.000 It's not true because he's not a comedian.
01:21:02.000 No, it's not true.
01:21:03.000 But what is true is it's harder.
01:21:06.000 It's a harder path for a woman. 1.00
01:21:09.000 You have to be...
01:21:10.000 Yes, it is hard.
01:21:11.000 And you have to be...
01:21:13.000 Undeniable.
01:21:15.000 You have to be a dominant personality.
01:21:17.000 You know what I'm saying?
01:21:18.000 Like a Roseanne.
01:21:19.000 Like Roseanne came out and she was not playing.
01:21:22.000 You have to have that energy, I guess.
01:21:24.000 Or Sarah Silverman, right?
01:21:26.000 She figured out her path through it.
01:21:28.000 She was cute, but she would shock you with her takes on things, but it was well-crafted.
01:21:34.000 Yes, she was almost like a different, totally different, but like Sam Kennison, and the fact that you'd be like, oh, this person's saying this, and then you're like, whoa, whoa, whoa!
01:21:45.000 You know, it was like a joke.
01:21:47.000 Yeah, and she was pretty, so it would throw you off.
01:21:49.000 And she was charming.
01:21:50.000 Yes, yeah, yeah.
01:21:52.000 But Roseanne was interesting in the same way Kinnison was interesting because she became that person after she had a brain injury. 0.98
01:21:59.000 What?
01:22:00.000 Yeah, she got hit by a car, just like Kinnison.
01:22:03.000 I didn't know either one of them got hit by a car before they did stand-up?
01:22:06.000 Yeah, their personalities changed.
01:22:08.000 It's really interesting.
01:22:09.000 They both got really hurt bad.
01:22:12.000 And when you get really bad brain injuries, one of the things that happens is you become ridiculously impulsive and wild and oftentimes violent.
01:22:20.000 That was the thing with Kinnison.
01:22:22.000 His brother wrote in the book My Brother Sam.
01:22:26.000 His brother Bill wrote a book about Sam and what Sam was like before the accident and then after the accident.
01:22:33.000 I think he was hit by a pickup truck. 0.99
01:22:36.000 But like really fucked up. 0.99
01:22:38.000 Like brain injury and then he became a different person. 0.99
01:22:41.000 Like he was like quiet and reserved and then just became wild and uncontrollable.
01:22:46.000 Same thing with Roseanne. 0.86
01:22:47.000 She went to a mental institute for nine months after she was hit by a car.
01:22:50.000 How funny is that?
01:22:51.000 That people have to get hit by a truck.
01:22:54.000 What does that say about us?
01:22:56.000 What does it say? 1.00
01:22:57.000 We're fucked. 1.00
01:22:57.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:22:58.000 What does it really say?
01:23:00.000 Yeah.
01:23:01.000 Because I believe, in a different vein but the same psychologically, I believe you have to be at a place where you just...
01:23:10.000 It's almost like an existential crisis.
01:23:13.000 Yeah.
01:23:14.000 Where you're like, I don't care if I bomb.
01:23:16.000 I don't care about... 1.00
01:23:18.000 I don't place enough value in this planet that I give a shit. 0.98
01:23:24.000 I'm going up and I'm talking about what I want to talk about. 0.99
01:23:26.000 It's almost like a level of depression.
01:23:30.000 It goes beyond where you're just like, I don't care.
01:23:33.000 I really don't care.
01:23:34.000 Because people care about this public speaking so much.
01:23:37.000 Yeah.
01:23:37.000 That there has to be something with us that's off where we're like, I don't care.
01:23:42.000 Or you have to develop it over time.
01:23:44.000 You have to develop that callousness about the way people feel about you.
01:23:48.000 Eventually, yeah.
01:23:49.000 Or you got to get so good that you know that even though it's so terrifying to bomb, you could slip through those waters and ride the wave of success.
01:24:01.000 What I always tell people starting when they ask...
01:24:05.000 Even when they don't ask, I tell them.
01:24:08.000 The audience can hate you, but they can never feel sorry for you.
01:24:11.000 The one thing you're not allowed to have in comedy, in my opinion, The one thing you're not allowed to indulge in is you can't ever be uncomfortable.
01:24:20.000 Right.
01:24:21.000 You can be anything. 1.00
01:24:21.000 You can be an asshole. 1.00
01:24:23.000 You can be a psycho. 1.00
01:24:24.000 You can be offensive. 0.95
01:24:25.000 You can never be uncomfortable.
01:24:27.000 You're not allowed to be.
01:24:28.000 Isn't it weird that you could feel it?
01:24:30.000 Yeah.
01:24:31.000 You feel it when someone's uncomfortable.
01:24:33.000 If you paid somebody to come in right now and do a set for us three, they're not allowed to be like...
01:24:39.000 Well, it's a weird setup. 0.95
01:24:41.000 They can say, this setup sucks. 0.90
01:24:44.000 You pay me for this. 0.99
01:24:45.000 They can attack us and we'll probably love them for it.
01:24:47.000 But they can't be uncomfortable.
01:24:49.000 You're paid to not be uncomfortable.
01:24:51.000 No matter what.
01:24:52.000 You can't be ashamed and you can't be uncomfortable.
01:24:55.000 Anything else can be.
01:24:56.000 It is such a strange art form.
01:24:58.000 It's like they feel you.
01:25:00.000 They feel how you feel.
01:25:02.000 Even if the words come out perfect, with the perfect timing, they feel how you feel, and they won't laugh if you seem uncomfortable.
01:25:10.000 Yes.
01:25:10.000 Yeah.
01:25:11.000 It's like alchemical or something.
01:25:13.000 It is.
01:25:14.000 And it's such a...
01:25:17.000 I used to always hate this, even though it's true.
01:25:20.000 People decide how they feel about you. 0.99
01:25:21.000 The first 10 seconds, I was like, oh, what the fuck is that? 0.99
01:25:23.000 Yeah. 0.99
01:25:24.000 Judge me in 10 seconds.
01:25:25.000 But the truth is, when somebody comes on stage and they don't make eye contact, like they're either looking down or looking above.
01:25:35.000 Yes.
01:25:35.000 Right away, the whole crowd knows.
01:25:38.000 And they're like, what's this part?
01:25:39.000 Are they uncomfortable?
01:25:40.000 Then why are you being a comedian?
01:25:42.000 Get off stage.
01:25:43.000 Yeah. 0.99
01:25:43.000 You have to be like, I don't give a shit. 0.99
01:25:45.000 Just like with a heckler. 0.99
01:25:46.000 Like people had tried that.
01:25:48.000 Hey, the heckler.
01:25:49.000 It's like, no, no.
01:25:51.000 We're living vicariously through you in the audience. 1.00
01:25:53.000 The asshole at work that we can't say that to because we'll get it fired or get our ass kicked. 1.00
01:25:58.000 You have to say that to. 1.00
01:26:00.000 Yep.
01:26:01.000 You know?
01:26:01.000 Yeah.
01:26:02.000 Even if you don't say the greatest thing, it doesn't have to be the most clever thing in the world, but it has to be basically, fuck you, you fucking idiot. 1.00
01:26:09.000 You gotta address it. 1.00
01:26:09.000 Coming here trying to fucking ruin it. 1.00
01:26:11.000 People love it because they can live vicariously to that, you know? 0.99
01:26:15.000 Well, it's such a classic...
01:26:18.000 The heckler is such a classic person.
01:26:20.000 The person that thinks their opinion is more important than the entire audience.
01:26:24.000 You're going to stand up and put a stop to it.
01:26:27.000 That their ego allows them to literally yell out to the person with the microphone.
01:26:32.000 Nice shirt!
01:26:34.000 Yeah.
01:26:36.000 That was another beautiful thing about the store that was terrible, but also beautiful.
01:26:41.000 There was no crowd control.
01:26:44.000 Oh, yeah.
01:26:44.000 No one took care of the crowd.
01:26:47.000 No. 1.00
01:26:47.000 You had to develop the ability to handle shit. 1.00
01:26:49.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:26:50.000 When things are going sideways, no one stopped anybody.
01:26:52.000 No one kicked anybody out.
01:26:53.000 No.
01:26:54.000 And then eventually they did. 0.98
01:26:55.000 Like in the new version of the store, like 2014 on when I came back, they would fucking clean it out, man. 0.97
01:27:05.000 They wouldn't let anybody heckle anymore. 0.94
01:27:08.000 And I was like, this is interesting.
01:27:09.000 It's like these young guys coming up.
01:27:11.000 This is good, but it's also bad.
01:27:14.000 Yes.
01:27:15.000 Because you've got to learn how to handle this chaos.
01:27:17.000 And if you would go somewhere else, one of the things, you would go on the road, and if you would go on the road and people would heckle you, like, do you think I'm not used to this?
01:27:27.000 I get heckled every night.
01:27:28.000 Yes.
01:27:29.000 It's such a normal part of the experience.
01:27:31.000 It has to be a normal part of the experience.
01:27:34.000 I agree.
01:27:34.000 Because there's nothing, even as a guy who's been in forever, when somebody...
01:27:39.000 When you watch a comedian and somebody heckles them and you see their faces like they're startled by it. 0.99
01:27:45.000 What you want to see is like, okay, asshole number 6,000 in my life. 1.00
01:27:49.000 Listen to me, you fuck. 1.00
01:27:51.000 You don't even want it to be like that outraged. 1.00
01:27:53.000 You want to just be like, oh, you fuck. 1.00
01:27:55.000 It's part of the thing, you know? 1.00
01:27:57.000 Exactly.
01:27:58.000 There's that great Bill Hicks set where he's doing that with him, you know, the recording.
01:28:02.000 Remember where he's like yelling at the whole crowd?
01:28:04.000 Oh, yeah.
01:28:04.000 Yeah.
01:28:06.000 And he just reads him the right act and you just tell he's been doing it forever. 1.00
01:28:10.000 Yeah, there was a lady yelled at him and he goes, oh, I'm a cunt. 1.00
01:28:14.000 He goes, I got a pussy so I get carte blanche. 1.00
01:28:19.000 I heard a recording of Lenny Bruce from 1959. There was this guy, Hal Wilner, who just died. 1.00
01:28:25.000 And he had all these old great recordings of music and everything.
01:28:30.000 But he had this Lenny Bruce recording from 1959. And he just let me listen to it once.
01:28:34.000 And it was Lenny Bruce at a club going, just stop listening to me.
01:28:39.000 Here's what bothers me.
01:28:40.000 They always put you people...
01:28:41.000 At that table, too. 0.99
01:28:43.000 He goes, you're always at that fucking four, you know, four top. 0.97
01:28:46.000 And you could tell there was a couple of couples. 0.99
01:28:49.000 He goes, you're two couples that want to, you know, you think you're clear, you're drunk.
01:28:53.000 He goes, and after the show, you're going to come up and go, we were helping you.
01:28:55.000 And I was like, that was in 1959. Isn't that crazy?
01:28:58.000 Because that is what they say.
01:28:59.000 Yeah.
01:28:59.000 Hey, we were helping you.
01:29:01.000 We yelled out.
01:29:02.000 If we didn't yell out, you wouldn't even have a show. 0.97
01:29:04.000 Yeah, if you didn't show up tonight, I would have been screwed. 0.53
01:29:06.000 I wouldn't have had a show. 0.62
01:29:07.000 It's funny that people actually do think that, though.
01:29:10.000 Comedy is kind of like a form of hypnosis.
01:29:13.000 That's what I always say.
01:29:14.000 When a guy is on stage killing, if you're on stage and you're killing and I'm sitting there watching, even though I know I'm a comic, I let you think for me.
01:29:22.000 You're thinking for me.
01:29:23.000 You're saying things and I'm empty.
01:29:25.000 I'm on the ride with you.
01:29:27.000 I'm just letting you think for me.
01:29:29.000 And the whole audience does it together.
01:29:31.000 It's such a weird art form where we're tapping into these states of mind that aren't really available to other people.
01:29:38.000 This state of mind where There's a person on stage and they're crafting an experience and everyone else in the audience is sort of going along with it if it's going well and it's accentuated by the people next to you who are also laughing at it.
01:29:55.000 I know.
01:29:55.000 And speaking of COVID, that's what makes you nervous.
01:29:57.000 You're like, shit, people have to be next to you to really make it work for an hour. 0.99
01:30:04.000 I think we're going to look past this. 1.00
01:30:05.000 I think they're going to come up with some sort of a treatment or something.
01:30:09.000 Within two years, we're going to, at the very least, have a real appreciation for what it's like to lose this.
01:30:16.000 Well, yes.
01:30:17.000 And I think that Austin Comedy Club is...
01:30:20.000 I'm a little too big to just run one club.
01:30:22.000 How many are you going to run?
01:30:24.000 Well, I mean, a chain of southern clubs.
01:30:26.000 Okay.
01:30:27.000 Where else?
01:30:28.000 Nashville?
01:30:29.000 I've watched probably 50 episodes of Bar Rescue like most people, so I understand what to do when I go into the place.
01:30:35.000 I understand the culture.
01:30:36.000 Yeah.
01:30:37.000 Not Nashville, because they have Zanies.
01:30:39.000 I'll respect a real institution like Zanies.
01:30:43.000 Maybe you could be Comedy Club Rescue and come in with, like, you have to have a hook, like a polka dot suit or something crazy.
01:30:48.000 Oh, all right.
01:30:50.000 Um...
01:30:52.000 I was like, I didn't like it, then I was like, yeah, I wouldn't.
01:30:56.000 Blue velvet?
01:30:57.000 Something cool?
01:30:58.000 How about a chain of like, where the ceiling, like in case COVID or something comes back, where the retractable ceiling, so you can have a skylight come.
01:31:07.000 Oh, okay.
01:31:09.000 It's going to be expensive, but I'm sure it's a lot cheaper than it was.
01:31:12.000 I think outside only works in the sun.
01:31:15.000 The thing about they're saying about being outside, the only good thing about outside, outside, is the circulation.
01:31:21.000 Like, people aren't breathing in your face.
01:31:22.000 Like, the air is not trapped.
01:31:24.000 But the real way that outside works is, like, UV light and sun is supposed to kill COVID. Well, I'm going to say something.
01:31:32.000 I don't care if people get sick from COVID. I want to market it so people think they're safe.
01:31:37.000 I don't really give a shit once they pay their cover. 0.97
01:31:39.000 How about a fan? 1.00
01:31:40.000 This is a goddamn business. 1.00
01:31:41.000 Blows all the bad air away. 1.00
01:31:43.000 The guy that's working for, you know, R.J. Reynolds in 1950. Hey, listen.
01:31:49.000 Cigarettes are bad.
01:31:51.000 Do you think you would live outside of New York City ever, though?
01:31:53.000 Seriously?
01:31:54.000 You seem like you're inexorably tied to that city.
01:31:58.000 I mean, I feel like I am, but like I said, a lot of my family is moving.
01:32:04.000 A lot of people I know are moving to the suburbs in the past six months, seven months.
01:32:10.000 And sometimes I'm like, yeah, there's something...
01:32:15.000 There's something not there in New York sometimes where I'm like, it's not how I used to feel about New York.
01:32:21.000 Let's just put it that way.
01:32:22.000 Maybe it's me, but I think it's the city.
01:32:23.000 How long did you go without doing stand-up?
01:32:25.000 How long did you go during the COVID? Four months, five months.
01:32:29.000 And then what was your first show?
01:32:33.000 Was the one with the cars at the parking lot one.
01:32:38.000 That was the first one?
01:32:39.000 HBO Max, yeah.
01:32:40.000 The first one was a recording?
01:32:42.000 Yeah.
01:32:43.000 Really?
01:32:43.000 Chris DiStefano was on there, if you know him, and he goes, yeah, this is great.
01:32:46.000 We used to work our acts out.
01:32:47.000 Now you're like, I'm working out on HBO Max.
01:32:50.000 Wow.
01:32:51.000 So you didn't warm up for it at all.
01:32:53.000 You just went up and did it.
01:32:54.000 Yeah.
01:32:54.000 Wow.
01:32:55.000 I didn't warm up, but I listened to my tapes a few times.
01:33:00.000 That's kind of crazy.
01:33:01.000 It was crazy.
01:33:02.000 But it's...
01:33:03.000 You know, stand-up is...
01:33:06.000 After you've been doing it for that long, you can still bomb, but it's a little different.
01:33:11.000 Plus, the crowds, you're not doing an hour.
01:33:13.000 If I was doing an hour, it's a different ballgame.
01:33:15.000 I did the Houston Improv, and I did a weekend there.
01:33:21.000 I think I did it in July, so...
01:33:24.000 Four months, five months, whatever it was, four months in.
01:33:28.000 It was weird.
01:33:28.000 Me, Tony Hinchcliffe, and Brian Moses.
01:33:31.000 And it was so strange.
01:33:33.000 But it felt so good.
01:33:35.000 But doing an hour is a different ballgame.
01:33:37.000 It was headlining.
01:33:38.000 I mean, I was doing a real show.
01:33:39.000 People don't realize what headlining means.
01:33:41.000 Yeah.
01:33:41.000 I mean, they pay to see you.
01:33:42.000 It's a different...
01:33:43.000 I was lucky, though, that I actually had already worked out this hour over a year or so.
01:33:50.000 So it was a real hour.
01:33:51.000 I had recordings.
01:33:52.000 I could listen to recordings.
01:33:53.000 I had all my notes.
01:33:54.000 I could go over my notes.
01:33:55.000 The first show, I was like, can I do this? 0.99
01:33:57.000 And then once I did it, I was like, I remember all this shit. 0.99
01:34:00.000 I might have fucked up a few taglines or something like that. 0.99
01:34:04.000 But by the end of the weekend, it was like a real show. 0.97
01:34:06.000 I was rolling.
01:34:08.000 So how many times did you listen to your set before you went on?
01:34:10.000 Oh, a lot.
01:34:11.000 A lot.
01:34:11.000 Me too.
01:34:11.000 I always do.
01:34:12.000 I don't play games.
01:34:13.000 Yeah, I don't either.
01:34:14.000 I record all my sets and I listen to them.
01:34:16.000 Usually I would listen to them.
01:34:17.000 I would drive home from the store.
01:34:19.000 I would listen to them on the way home.
01:34:20.000 But this is the difference between people that really want to last.
01:34:25.000 If you don't respect it, you have to respect it enough to go, hey, guess what?
01:34:28.000 These people in Houston...
01:34:30.000 Paid to see.
01:34:31.000 Yes.
01:34:31.000 I'm going to do my best.
01:34:32.000 It might not be perfect.
01:34:33.000 It's going to be the best I put all my effort in.
01:34:35.000 Yeah.
01:34:36.000 Then you really, you know, you're doing it.
01:34:37.000 You might be a little clumsy if you haven't done stand-up in five months, but you are going to do the work that's required to get it done.
01:34:43.000 And they're going to know that you care.
01:34:45.000 That's right.
01:34:45.000 Yeah.
01:34:46.000 The worst is when someone pays to see you and you see the person on stage with like a notebook and like, what else?
01:34:51.000 What else? 0.99
01:34:51.000 And they don't give a fuck. 0.99
01:34:53.000 What else? 0.99
01:34:53.000 Oh, it's the worst. 0.99
01:34:55.000 It's the worst because it's that feeling that you don't have a sense of urgency that these people have paid to hear you talk.
01:35:01.000 Yeah.
01:35:02.000 A lot of people, it's like a little defense mechanism for them. 0.99
01:35:05.000 Like, I don't give a fuck. 0.99
01:35:06.000 It's just a show. 0.99
01:35:07.000 I always call it the Joe DiMaggio principle.
01:35:10.000 When I saw this article once where Joe DiMaggio was like 40 years old or something.
01:35:16.000 He was already in the Hall of Fame.
01:35:18.000 And he slid into third base. 0.91
01:35:19.000 And there was this kid that said, you know, you play so hard.
01:35:22.000 Like, why are you doing this?
01:35:24.000 Like, you're already in the Hall of Fame and this and that.
01:35:26.000 And he goes...
01:35:27.000 Because somewhere out there, there's someone who hasn't seen Joe DiMaggio play, and I don't want to let him down.
01:35:32.000 Yeah, it's great.
01:35:33.000 I remember reading that and going, that is a great way to look at it.
01:35:37.000 That's a great way to look at it.
01:35:39.000 If people are paying to see you, they're paying money.
01:35:42.000 Do you feel like he used that line on Marilyn Monroe the first time?
01:35:45.000 I hope he did.
01:35:45.000 He's probably like, I don't know, Marilyn, but I figure somebody's just like, what a nice guy.
01:35:50.000 Cut to an hour later.
01:35:52.000 Well, his thing was always kind of sad, right?
01:35:54.000 Like she left him and she was banging all these other guys. 0.77
01:35:56.000 And they said that even after her death, he would always show up at her grave and leave flowers. 1.00
01:36:03.000 That's sad shit. 1.00
01:36:04.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:36:04.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:36:05.000 But I also already treated it like shit. 1.00
01:36:07.000 Didn't he like smack her or something? 1.00
01:36:08.000 Did he?
01:36:09.000 I could be making up some horror.
01:36:10.000 I'm slandering the name of the great American hero.
01:36:13.000 I'm calling Joe DiMaggio a wife beater based on something I may or may not have read.
01:36:17.000 I don't know.
01:36:18.000 Maybe.
01:36:18.000 I feel like he beat her.
01:36:21.000 He is Italian.
01:36:22.000 I feel, yeah.
01:36:23.000 Well, that's part of it.
01:36:24.000 And I feel like he beat her and then Arthur Miller emotionally abused her. 0.87
01:36:29.000 And the Kennedys killed her.
01:36:30.000 Well, that...
01:36:32.000 Most likely.
01:36:33.000 That kind of stuff, you do wonder.
01:36:35.000 You know what I mean?
01:36:35.000 I don't wonder.
01:36:36.000 If I had $100,000 on a bet... 0.99
01:36:40.000 Yes or no, red or black, I'm going with they killed her. 0.73
01:36:43.000 It certainly was a strange one, wasn't it? 1.00
01:36:45.000 Well, she was apparently, she had loose lips and she fucked both of them. 1.00
01:36:49.000 And she was drinking and like, ah, fuck this. 1.00
01:36:52.000 I fucked Bobby, I fucked Jack. 1.00
01:36:56.000 But it was like, yeah. 0.99
01:36:58.000 But here's what I don't understand. 0.79
01:36:59.000 If they killed her.
01:37:02.000 They had the mob do it for them, right? 0.99
01:37:04.000 Somebody.
01:37:06.000 But the mob hated them, so why would they do it for them?
01:37:09.000 Well, it doesn't necessarily have to be the mob.
01:37:11.000 I mean, you think Hillary Clinton's using the mob to whack all those people? 0.86
01:37:14.000 No. 0.57
01:37:19.000 There's people out there that'll kill people for you, Colin. 0.65
01:37:22.000 Yeah, I guess there will. 0.75
01:37:23.000 100%.
01:37:24.000 Yeah, they exist.
01:37:25.000 And they don't have a problem with it because they've killed people before.
01:37:28.000 It's not that hard.
01:37:30.000 It's shockingly easy to get someone to kill somebody for you.
01:37:34.000 Yeah, I guess for money, why not? 0.99
01:37:36.000 If you're a president of the United States and you got some lady who won't shut the fuck up about blowing you in the Rose Garden or whatever. 1.00
01:37:44.000 Nowadays, though, it's a lot harder, you know what I mean? 0.83
01:37:47.000 Because everything gets exposed on social media.
01:37:50.000 But I mean, yeah, back in those days, you'd get away with it.
01:37:52.000 Say it to Epstein.
01:37:54.000 They killed that guy when he was in prison.
01:37:57.000 Yeah, well, in prison it's easier.
01:37:58.000 Well, yeah.
01:37:59.000 They turn off the camera.
01:38:00.000 They turn off all the cameras, but still.
01:38:02.000 But if that was in the street, 80 people have cameras.
01:38:04.000 Epstein! 0.62
01:38:05.000 Hey, Jeff!
01:38:06.000 That's true. 1.00
01:38:06.000 Maybe it's easier to kill him in prison. 1.00
01:38:08.000 I think it is. 1.00
01:38:09.000 Yeah.
01:38:10.000 It's just one camera.
01:38:11.000 And he's dead.
01:38:12.000 I miss him.
01:38:14.000 Everybody's like, oh my God.
01:38:16.000 Yeah, one was asleep and one was just...
01:38:18.000 Yeah, and all the cameras are broken.
01:38:20.000 I don't know what happened.
01:38:22.000 Weird.
01:38:22.000 It's crazy.
01:38:23.000 He broke his own neck.
01:38:25.000 Strange. 0.99
01:38:26.000 I guess he really feels bad about having sex with all 16-year-olds. 0.99
01:38:29.000 I know. 0.91
01:38:30.000 Yeah, but I mean, the minute that lists...
01:38:32.000 Well, what about Jazane Maxwell?
01:38:33.000 What's going to happen with her?
01:38:34.000 That's a good question because she doesn't go to... 0.99
01:38:36.000 I don't think she goes to trial until...
01:38:38.000 I want to say next month.
01:38:40.000 I think she goes to trial... 0.73
01:38:42.000 Well, this month now.
01:38:43.000 We're in October.
01:38:44.000 Jamie, when is she supposed to go on trial?
01:38:46.000 You don't hear a word about that, right?
01:38:47.000 No.
01:38:48.000 She's in the Jack Ruby cell.
01:38:52.000 I read a fascinating book.
01:38:55.000 Next year?
01:38:55.000 Next year?
01:38:57.000 What the fuck are they waiting for? 1.00
01:38:59.000 They're trying to figure out how to kill her. 1.00
01:39:01.000 I think you know what they're waiting for. 0.99
01:39:02.000 That is crazy.
01:39:03.000 Next year?
01:39:04.000 When next year?
01:39:05.000 Next December.
01:39:07.000 Yeah.
01:39:08.000 When are they going to do it?
01:39:10.000 Why would they wait?
01:39:12.000 That's so weird.
01:39:14.000 Look, they put Harvey Weinstein right in the court.
01:39:17.000 Why are they waiting for her?
01:39:20.000 That's so strange.
01:39:23.000 Hmm.
01:39:25.000 There was a report recently that Bill Clinton had an intimate dinner with her a couple years back.
01:39:31.000 Juzaine?
01:39:32.000 We gotta talk.
01:39:34.000 Yeah.
01:39:35.000 Is there a ledger?
01:39:36.000 She was just denied bail recently and current trial date is set for July 12, 2021. That's a long time.
01:39:44.000 That's a long time.
01:39:46.000 July of 2020. That's the seventh month of 2021. And here we are in October.
01:39:53.000 Yeah.
01:39:53.000 That's crazy.
01:39:55.000 That's so much time to kill her. 1.00
01:39:57.000 Well, I mean, nowadays it would be easy. 0.99
01:39:58.000 You put COVID on the side of one of the surfaces and wait for her to sniff it.
01:40:02.000 Not good enough.
01:40:04.000 It's not going to kill her.
01:40:07.000 You were saying something about the Kennedy, about Jack Ruby?
01:40:09.000 Oh, yeah, there's a fascinating book called Chaos, written by this guy Tom O'Neill.
01:40:14.000 I had him on the podcast.
01:40:15.000 And it's all about the CIA and the CIA's...
01:40:20.000 Well, it's about the Manson case.
01:40:22.000 But how this guy, Tom O'Neill, who's actually Greg Fitzsimmons' neighbor, it's an amazing book.
01:40:28.000 He researched this book over 20 years.
01:40:30.000 He started writing it.
01:40:31.000 And then as he was writing it, he was writing it as an article.
01:40:35.000 And as he was writing the article, he kept uncovering more and more and more information.
01:40:39.000 We're good to go.
01:41:01.000 And the guy that was involved in this CIA LSD operation, this is all like heavily documented, was the same guy who went to visit Jack Ruby when he was in jail after he killed Oswald.
01:41:14.000 And Jack Ruby, from this guy visiting him in jail, immediately went crazy, was hiding underneath the table, was saying that they're burning Jews in the streets, and he had a meltdown.
01:41:27.000 And they think this guy dosed Jack Ruby while he was in jail and might have dosed him previous to that to get him to shoot Jack Ruby or to get him to shoot Oswald in the first place.
01:41:38.000 Wow.
01:41:39.000 It's crazy.
01:41:40.000 They connect this CIA MKUltra mind control LSD experiments that they were doing with this guy.
01:41:49.000 What is his name?
01:41:50.000 Jolly West.
01:41:52.000 Jolly West, who is this operative for the CIA, they ran a thing called Operation Midnight Climax, where they would run brothels with two-way mirrors, and they would hire these hookers to give these Johns LSD, and they would watch to see how they would react.
01:42:09.000 They would give them a drink, and inside the drink there would be acid. 0.76
01:42:12.000 And these poor guys thought they were going to have some sex with a lovely lady. 1.00
01:42:16.000 Poor guys. 1.00
01:42:17.000 They get sex and they get a free acid trip. 0.98
01:42:20.000 I don't know what's so bad about it.
01:42:21.000 It's not bad if you know you're going to have an acid trip.
01:42:25.000 What about the...
01:42:26.000 It's a great book though.
01:42:27.000 It's called Chaos.
01:42:28.000 Chaos.
01:42:29.000 Because Gabe Kaplan, he was a comedian and...
01:42:33.000 Poker player.
01:42:34.000 Yeah, and he worked, he told me one time, he goes, yeah, I worked for Jack Ruby.
01:42:37.000 He worked for the Carousel Club, whatever the name of the club was.
01:42:41.000 He worked in the Dallas, I go, what was he like? 0.91
01:42:43.000 He goes, he was a real thug.
01:42:45.000 He goes, he was just like, hey, get out of here. 0.90
01:42:47.000 Like, he just shoved me, you know, just, he was a real...
01:42:49.000 A mob guy.
01:42:51.000 Well, the Dallas mob.
01:42:52.000 I mean, did you ever read that book about the Dallas mob and Lyndon Johnson and his, and the...
01:42:57.000 No, what was that book?
01:42:59.000 I have it on my phone.
01:43:00.000 But I mean, um...
01:43:04.000 It was basically...
01:43:06.000 It was like the most compelling argument.
01:43:08.000 I felt like, wow. 0.93
01:43:09.000 Like the Dallas mob being involved with whoever they were involved with to go out and really kill the guy. 0.89
01:43:17.000 It completely makes sense. 0.56
01:43:18.000 Here it is.
01:43:19.000 Jamie's got it here.
01:43:20.000 Betrayal in Dallas?
01:43:21.000 Yes, that's it.
01:43:22.000 How good is...
01:43:22.000 Oh, Jamie.
01:43:23.000 Goddamn Jamie. 0.99
01:43:24.000 Jamie, you know what? 1.00
01:43:25.000 Betrayal in Dallas.
01:43:26.000 I'm glad you didn't get tested.
01:43:28.000 LBJ, the Pearl Street Mafia, and the murder of President Kennedy.
01:43:31.000 Yeah, Pearl Street.
01:43:32.000 Good stuff?
01:43:33.000 Oh my god, it's great.
01:43:34.000 Because it connects the lieutenant governor who was not going to get re-elected, and it was all LBJ stuff.
01:43:40.000 It was really good.
01:43:41.000 I've got to take a picture of that so that I can get it later, so I don't forget.
01:43:46.000 But the Manson thing is...
01:43:49.000 The Manson thing is crazy.
01:43:51.000 Tom O'Neill documents all the times they let Manson out of jail.
01:43:53.000 They would arrest him while he was on parole.
01:43:57.000 Clear parole violations.
01:43:59.000 And one of them was...
01:44:01.000 That's the book right there.
01:44:03.000 I can't tell you enough good things about it.
01:44:05.000 But they kept releasing him, and one of the sheriffs said that it was above my pay grade.
01:44:09.000 Like, they told him.
01:44:10.000 The CIA came to them and they let the guy go. 0.99
01:44:12.000 And they wanted him to go out and keep doing all this crazy shit. 0.95
01:44:16.000 And one of the reasons why they wanted to do it is because they wanted to discredit the anti-war movement. 0.99
01:44:21.000 The CIA and the government at the time was involved in a lot of really shady shit. 0.78
01:44:26.000 And one of the reasons why they were doing that was because they were trying to stop what they thought was this subversive movement to try to get us out of Vietnam. 0.96
01:44:36.000 And this was a part of it.
01:44:39.000 I mean, the Kennedy thing was a part of it, too, I guess, really.
01:44:41.000 Yeah, for sure.
01:44:42.000 I mean, they just happened to have the happy...
01:44:44.000 I mean, this book I was talking about is more like the Dallas Mafia, but I'm sure the CIA said, hey, if it's going to help us...
01:44:50.000 I mean, they were together in the Bay of Pigs, so why don't we be together on this?
01:44:53.000 Well, it's really crazy that the video of the Kennedy assassination, the Zapruder film, was actually put on television by a comedian, Dick Gregory.
01:45:01.000 Dick Gregory brought that to Geraldo Rivera's TV show, and I think it was 10 years after the murder.
01:45:10.000 It might have been 12. It might have been like 75. Geraldo Rivera's TV show was like 74, I remember.
01:45:15.000 Yeah, it was back when people had bell bottoms on and shit. 0.96
01:45:18.000 And Dick Gregory brought that film. 0.98
01:45:20.000 There it is, Goodnight America, 75. There it is.
01:45:23.000 Wow.
01:45:24.000 Did I say 75?
01:45:25.000 Yeah.
01:45:25.000 March 6th, 75. Look how blurry it is.
01:45:29.000 Yeah.
01:45:30.000 Good Night, America.
01:45:31.000 That's how the screens used to look.
01:45:32.000 Yeah, and so they played the Kennedy...
01:45:35.000 I mean, because Dick Gregory, what a fascinating guy he was.
01:45:39.000 Yeah. 0.99
01:45:40.000 Great fucking comic, too. 1.00
01:45:42.000 Great comic. 0.99
01:45:42.000 A lot of people don't even know how good he was. 0.99
01:45:45.000 Well, Time Life had this...
01:45:48.000 They had purchased this.
01:45:49.000 You know, after the assassination in 63. And they held on to it all these years.
01:45:55.000 And they played it on television.
01:45:58.000 And I remember Geraldo Rivera telling people this is going to be very disturbing.
01:46:01.000 And you could see him getting shot.
01:46:04.000 And you see his head going back into the left. 0.99
01:46:06.000 And everybody was like, wait, what the fuck is going on? 0.99
01:46:09.000 That's the first time? 0.99
01:46:11.000 And seeing him grab his neck where he got shot in the front, in the neck.
01:46:14.000 In the autopsy, they had two different versions of it.
01:46:18.000 In Dallas, they said it was an entry wound.
01:46:21.000 And then in Bethesda, Maryland, when they looked at him there, they said, oh no, that was a tracheotomy.
01:46:26.000 They shot him in the neck. 0.79
01:46:27.000 Shot him in the back, shot him in the neck, shot him in the head.
01:46:29.000 They were shooting at him from different angles. 0.94
01:46:31.000 It was more than one person.
01:46:33.000 I guarantee, yeah.
01:46:34.000 I mean, I don't guarantee, but a lot of people don't think...
01:46:37.000 That's the weirdest argument when people think that Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone.
01:46:42.000 That is one of the weirdest arguments that...
01:46:44.000 The weird mental gymnastics that people have to play with themselves to get to the position where they think Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone.
01:46:52.000 Yeah.
01:46:53.000 Well, I'd like to see a movie.
01:46:54.000 I mean, JFK was good for what it was, but I'd like to see a movie about all the people that got killed in the aftermath.
01:47:00.000 Oh, a lot of people.
01:47:01.000 But that would be a good movie.
01:47:03.000 There's a book called Best Evidence by this guy, David Lifton.
01:47:06.000 And David Lifton was an accountant who was hired to do something with the Kennedy assassination.
01:47:11.000 I forget what he was hired to do, but he went over the entire Warren Commission.
01:47:14.000 And, you know, it's a huge, many, many, many, many pages, right?
01:47:18.000 And he found all these inconsistencies and all these things wrong with it and all these things that don't make any sense.
01:47:23.000 And he realized, like, they put this together to try to wrap it up tight and make it seem like there was an obvious conclusion.
01:47:32.000 But it wasn't an examination, like an objective examination of the assassination.
01:47:37.000 No, because in those days...
01:47:39.000 The mob and the CIA were as powerful as any, and they were not playing games.
01:47:45.000 They would just tell you, look, man, if you do this, don't do this.
01:47:48.000 They wouldn't even have to tell you what was going to happen.
01:47:50.000 You knew what was going to happen.
01:47:50.000 They killed the president.
01:47:51.000 They're like, don't do this. 1.00
01:47:52.000 If we kill him, you don't think we'll kill you?
01:47:54.000 And so many of the people that were witnesses wound up dead. 0.99
01:47:58.000 So many of the people.
01:47:59.000 I was thinking...
01:48:00.000 Hit list.
01:48:01.000 In-depth investigation into the mysterious death of the witnesses.
01:48:04.000 Richard Belzer!
01:48:04.000 Ah, Belzer.
01:48:06.000 Belzer is a nut. 0.97
01:48:08.000 How funny is that? 0.98
01:48:09.000 And he's a conspiracy guy.
01:48:11.000 Oh, he's so deep.
01:48:12.000 But how funny is the title of his book, you know, because he lost the testicle of cancer? 0.61
01:48:16.000 Did he?
01:48:16.000 His conspiracy book is called One Lone Nut.
01:48:20.000 That's pretty funny.
01:48:21.000 It's pretty funny.
01:48:23.000 He had another book called UFOs, Bigfoot, and Flying Saucers, I think.
01:48:27.000 Elvis, Bigfoot, and Flying Saucers?
01:48:29.000 UFOs, JFK, and Elvis.
01:48:31.000 That's it.
01:48:31.000 Thank you.
01:48:32.000 That's another book that I read of his that is an all conspiracy theory book.
01:48:38.000 Yeah, no, he's all about conspiracy theories. 0.99
01:48:40.000 I had a conversation with, I only met him once, but we had a long conversation about UFOs and Bigfoot and aliens, and he's a, that motherfucker believes everything. 1.00
01:48:49.000 Right. 0.99
01:48:49.000 He's like, he's all in. 0.99
01:48:51.000 Yeah, some people are just predisposed to be.
01:48:53.000 They love them.
01:48:54.000 I think they just, you know who's another one like that?
01:48:56.000 Dan Aykroyd.
01:48:57.000 Oh, really?
01:48:58.000 Oh, my God.
01:48:59.000 I had him on the podcast.
01:48:59.000 He believes in everything.
01:49:01.000 Ghosts, psychics, you name it.
01:49:03.000 Really?
01:49:03.000 All that.
01:49:04.000 Extraterrestrial life?
01:49:05.000 All of it.
01:49:05.000 Everything's real.
01:49:06.000 He probably thinks the coins are real.
01:49:08.000 Crystal skulls.
01:49:08.000 All of it.
01:49:09.000 Everything.
01:49:10.000 He's all in.
01:49:12.000 Well, I was like, really?
01:49:13.000 It was a weird conversation.
01:49:15.000 I was like, he didn't have any skepticism at all. 0.94
01:49:18.000 It wasn't like, who fucking knows? 0.90
01:49:21.000 There was none of that. 0.96
01:49:22.000 There was none of that.
01:49:22.000 He was all in.
01:49:23.000 All in.
01:49:24.000 All in on psychics.
01:49:26.000 All in on Bigfoot.
01:49:27.000 All in on UFOs.
01:49:30.000 He was all in.
01:49:31.000 He was the oldest 23-year-old.
01:49:33.000 He was on SNL. He was 23. Was he really?
01:49:36.000 Yes.
01:49:37.000 He seemed like he was like 40. Yes.
01:49:41.000 But I like this idea.
01:49:42.000 Great guy, though.
01:49:42.000 I like this idea.
01:49:43.000 Yeah.
01:49:44.000 But I like this idea of doing this, all the people that got killed after JFK. Yeah.
01:49:50.000 You know, I mean, I'm not discrediting Belzer's book, but it doesn't look like the kind of thing I was envisioning.
01:49:54.000 I wanted it written by some investigative reporter, not by a stand-up.
01:49:57.000 They all got murdered, parked their cars on train tracks, jumped off of buildings.
01:50:03.000 On my days off at Austin Comedy, I'm going to drive to Dallas two days a week and start researching for the movie.
01:50:10.000 One thing you do if you do drive around there, another thing that drove me crazy, everybody's like, the scope on the rifle didn't even work.
01:50:16.000 Like, what are you talking about?
01:50:18.000 How do you know it didn't work?
01:50:20.000 Like, what does that mean?
01:50:21.000 Because when they got it, it didn't work?
01:50:22.000 If you have a scope on a rifle and you just drop the rifle, that scope doesn't work.
01:50:26.000 Really?
01:50:27.000 Yeah!
01:50:28.000 Like, a scope on a rifle is of...
01:50:29.000 Like, if you fall...
01:50:31.000 And this happened to me once on a hunting trip.
01:50:32.000 I fell, and my rifle was off.
01:50:35.000 And we took it back to the range.
01:50:36.000 It was off by six inches at 100 yards.
01:50:39.000 Like, on a rest, where you just squeeze off rounds.
01:50:44.000 When you knock a rifle, like, if you fall down, and the rifle drops...
01:50:49.000 It's going to adjust the scope.
01:50:50.000 And you're shooting a bullet, you know, a couple hundred yards or a hundred yards.
01:50:55.000 Any little wiggle, like if it's an eighth of an inch to the left or the right, you're going to be way off by the time it gets to the target.
01:51:02.000 So when all these people were saying, oh, the scope on the rifle didn't even work well.
01:51:06.000 Like, what are you talking?
01:51:07.000 You don't know that.
01:51:08.000 Like, they found this thing.
01:51:10.000 He could have dropped it after he shot JFK. I think Lee Harvey Oswald was probably in on it.
01:51:15.000 I think he was probably, you know, he's probably one of them, but I think they definitely, like when he said he was a patsy, they're like, yeah, most likely.
01:51:23.000 Yeah, most likely he was a patsy.
01:51:25.000 By the way, what was a better description of the JFK assassination than Full Metal Jacket?
01:51:30.000 Oh, it was a great one.
01:51:31.000 Yeah.
01:51:32.000 Outstanding!
01:51:34.000 Yeah.
01:51:35.000 That was really beautiful.
01:51:36.000 It was, the way he said it.
01:51:38.000 Because it was just like, hey, guess what?
01:51:40.000 Yeah.
01:51:40.000 Life is hard.
01:51:41.000 Here's what I say about this thing.
01:51:43.000 Also, letting, prepping these guys to be killers. 0.69
01:51:47.000 Yes. 1.00
01:51:48.000 And that what you're rewarding is someone who's really good at killing, even if he shot the fucking president. 1.00
01:51:53.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:51:53.000 It's like, I don't give a shit what happened. 1.00
01:51:55.000 I'm just telling you this guy was a Marine. 0.99
01:51:56.000 Yeah.
01:51:57.000 What is this guy?
01:51:58.000 Emery?
01:51:58.000 Lee Emery?
01:51:59.000 Lee Emery, yeah. 0.99
01:52:00.000 God damn, he was good. 0.99
01:52:01.000 He was so good in that role. 0.99
01:52:03.000 Well, didn't they say he was there to advise and then they just hired him?
01:52:06.000 Play that.
01:52:07.000 Let me hear that.
01:52:12.000 It's not working?
01:52:13.000 What do we got here?
01:52:19.000 Is there no audio in the actual...
01:52:22.000 So sad.
01:52:25.000 This is a professional show here.
01:52:27.000 That was...
01:52:27.000 On Spotify.
01:52:28.000 Yeah.
01:52:29.000 But look, even the way they shot it, like, there's clouds overhead.
01:52:32.000 Yeah.
01:52:33.000 Dreary.
01:52:34.000 I bet he loved the fact that it was dreary that day, too.
01:52:37.000 You got it?
01:52:37.000 I don't know who Charles Whitman was.
01:52:42.000 None of you dumbasses knows. 1.00
01:52:45.000 Private cowboy. 1.00
01:52:46.000 Private cowboy. 0.99
01:52:51.000 Got a brain tumor. 0.98
01:53:17.000 Alright, knock it off. 0.94
01:53:19.000 250 feet.
01:53:21.000 He was 250 feet away and shooting at a moving target.
01:53:26.000 Oswald got off three rounds with an old Italian bolt-action rifle in only six seconds and scored two hits, including a headshot.
01:53:35.000 Do any of you people know where these individuals learned how to shoot?
01:53:40.000 Private Joker.
01:53:42.000 Sir!
01:53:43.000 In the Marines, sir!
01:53:44.000 In the Marines!
01:53:46.000 Outstanding!
01:53:47.000 Those individuals showed what one motivated Marine and his rifle can do!
01:53:52.000 And before you ladies leave my island, you will all be able to do the same thing! 0.97
01:54:00.000 That's great dialogue.
01:54:01.000 Kubrick was so good.
01:54:03.000 One motivated individual.
01:54:05.000 He's like, it doesn't matter what it means in the grand scheme of things.
01:54:08.000 We're Marines.
01:54:09.000 I'm just telling you something for here.
01:54:10.000 Training you.
01:54:11.000 But it was such a great scene too because Kubrick is really highlighting what has to go on when you're taking a regular kid and turning him into a killer.
01:54:19.000 Yeah, yeah.
01:54:21.000 You're really brainwashing him.
01:54:23.000 I know.
01:54:23.000 That was brainwashing.
01:54:24.000 Yeah, oh, absolutely.
01:54:26.000 Yeah.
01:54:26.000 They all say that.
01:54:27.000 Kirk was so good. 0.90
01:54:28.000 His movies were so goddamn good. 0.81
01:54:30.000 You know, he used to do, like, complex mathematics in his spare time. 0.94
01:54:34.000 He did?
01:54:34.000 Yeah, for fun.
01:54:36.000 Well, I don't understand what complex mathematics is, but one time I was in the elevator with Norm MacDonald, and we were in the elevator with these guys, because Norm MacDonald in an elevator is very, you know, he'll just, he will literally say the worst thing you can say about somebody and then leave,
01:54:51.000 and you're left there with all the people.
01:54:53.000 That's his thing, one of his things.
01:54:54.000 But there's two guys who were talking about some complex mathematic thing.
01:54:58.000 This is in the late 90s at 30 Rock.
01:55:01.000 And they're saying this like, I didn't even understand what language it was.
01:55:04.000 It was a really deep mathematic thing.
01:55:06.000 And then Norm MacDonald, who had never brought up math or anything like that to me in his life, goes, and starts speaking to them in what sounded like tongues.
01:55:16.000 And they're like, oh, you know...
01:55:19.000 And they start speaking the binary...
01:55:21.000 And he starts speaking this mathematic talk.
01:55:24.000 And then they leave.
01:55:25.000 And then he goes to me like, yeah, those guys are nerds or something like that.
01:55:29.000 And I was like, how do you know that?
01:55:30.000 How did you know what they were talking about?
01:55:33.000 How did he know? 0.54
01:55:34.000 He's a nerd too.
01:55:37.000 He knows something deep.
01:55:38.000 He knows these things sometimes.
01:55:40.000 He's a very smart guy.
01:55:41.000 Really smart.
01:55:43.000 He'll just pretend not to know something.
01:55:45.000 And then you're like, anybody walks in a room, he knows what they're talking about.
01:55:50.000 Yeah, he's the guy that really should have had a podcast a long fucking time ago, and I know he's doing something now.
01:55:57.000 He sent me a text message the other day that he's starting to do a podcast now.
01:56:01.000 Hey Joe, I'm doing a podcast.
01:56:04.000 Doing that thing we talked about.
01:56:06.000 He should have done a lot, because he had that show on Netflix, but they kind of, they muzzled him.
01:56:11.000 When he went on the Howard Stern Show, and he was saying something, and he didn't want to say retarded, so he said, you'd have to have Down Syndrome to believe that.
01:56:21.000 He thought that would be a better thing to say.
01:56:25.000 But here's the thing about Norm.
01:56:28.000 I'm still not sure if he thought that would be a better thing to say.
01:56:31.000 Right, you never know.
01:56:31.000 Because he's so smart.
01:56:33.000 He might have been doing it as a double troll.
01:56:35.000 Yeah. 0.72
01:56:35.000 Norm is capable of the double troll. 0.72
01:56:37.000 It's like, yeah, I don't want to say retarded. 0.98
01:56:39.000 Down syndrome. 0.98
01:56:40.000 The double troll, exactly. 0.95
01:56:42.000 Yes, he's the master of that stuff.
01:56:44.000 I randomly wound up sitting next to him on planes twice.
01:56:48.000 On two different occasions, just like, I go, Norm!
01:56:52.000 Like, out of nowhere, and he's sitting next to me.
01:56:54.000 And one time, we're sitting there, we're talking, and we're having a good old time, and then he's talking about, oh, I quit smoking. 0.96
01:57:00.000 He's telling me how he quit smoking, and fucking, yeah, finally quit smoking.
01:57:04.000 And he's telling me all these things, and then when he lands, he literally, like, you can't stop him, so runs into the airport store and buys cigarettes. 0.98
01:57:13.000 And he's lighting it as he's leaving.
01:57:15.000 I go, I thought you quit.
01:57:16.000 He goes, I did.
01:57:17.000 Yeah.
01:57:17.000 But all that talking about smoking makes me want one.
01:57:20.000 And he's like, before he even got out the door, he's lighting the cigarette.
01:57:24.000 He just couldn't stop himself.
01:57:26.000 But I like that he goes, all that talking.
01:57:28.000 He's the one talking about it.
01:57:29.000 All that talking.
01:57:30.000 He always puts it on you.
01:57:32.000 That's what's great about it.
01:57:34.000 But it was...
01:57:34.000 He's like, this guy talks about smoking.
01:57:36.000 He got me back smoking.
01:57:37.000 But it was so crazy because I was like, that's great, Norm.
01:57:39.000 It's so great you quit.
01:57:41.000 And he's like, Mark, I want a cigarette.
01:57:44.000 He always was like, yeah, I mean, I don't drink.
01:57:47.000 You know, I quit drinking.
01:57:49.000 And it was like, oh, really?
01:57:50.000 Did you drink a lot?
01:57:50.000 Yeah.
01:57:51.000 I quit.
01:57:52.000 I finally had to quit, you know.
01:57:53.000 It's hard, but I didn't.
01:57:54.000 And they're like, oh. 0.99
01:57:55.000 He goes, yeah, because I got fucking wasted last night. 0.93
01:57:58.000 And I said, I'm never going to drink again. 0.98
01:57:59.000 I was drunk.
01:58:00.000 And people are like, wait, I think you quit.
01:58:01.000 Yeah, I quit.
01:58:02.000 That's what I'm saying.
01:58:03.000 You know, he's always This is last night!
01:58:06.000 It's like an elaborate, like, Abbott and Costello.
01:58:08.000 Yes, exactly.
01:58:10.000 Well, the gambling, too. 1.00
01:58:11.000 He fucking loves gambling. 0.99
01:58:12.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:58:13.000 Loves it.
01:58:13.000 Oh, yeah.
01:58:14.000 Yeah.
01:58:14.000 But that's the thing.
01:58:15.000 Like, a lot of these great comics are, like, really impulsive.
01:58:19.000 Yeah. 0.99
01:58:19.000 It's, like, something about, like, the ability to say some of the crazy shit that he says. 0.99
01:58:24.000 Yeah. 0.98
01:58:24.000 It's, you have to have this, like, hot wire. 0.98
01:58:29.000 Yeah.
01:58:29.000 It's just like, yeah!
01:58:30.000 You just want to touch it.
01:58:32.000 Ah!
01:58:33.000 Yep.
01:58:34.000 Oh no, he's one for the books.
01:58:37.000 The conspiracy theory thing is an interesting little obsession that a lot of people have.
01:58:45.000 The wanting to uncover these secrets, the wanting to know, get to the bottom of things, find out how it all works, who killed Epstein, who killed Kennedy.
01:58:56.000 Yeah.
01:58:57.000 Well, the Kennedy one is so, it really, what's so amazing too is you see the country change because almost like subconsciously the whole country knew that this was something else that was kind of the beginning of the destruction and downfall. 0.59
01:59:14.000 And 57 fucking years ago too. 0.91
01:59:16.000 That's what's crazy. 0.99
01:59:18.000 And there's still, yeah, there's still mystery and it's like they got away with it.
01:59:22.000 Whoever did it got away with it.
01:59:23.000 Whoever did it is long gone.
01:59:24.000 Yeah.
01:59:24.000 This idea that everybody gets caught for things.
01:59:26.000 Like, not everything is an episode of Law& Order.
01:59:29.000 No.
01:59:30.000 And they talk to all those...
01:59:31.000 Anytime they interview those mob guys, you know, they all say that stuff.
01:59:34.000 You know what I mean?
01:59:35.000 They all say, well, I heard this, I heard that.
01:59:37.000 I don't know, but this is what I heard.
01:59:39.000 Yeah.
01:59:40.000 You know?
01:59:40.000 And I'm sure it's, you know, it's a badge of honor to go, yeah, I know what's happening, but still, you know?
01:59:46.000 Yeah.
01:59:47.000 Well, that was the other weird thing about New York for years and years and years, right?
01:59:51.000 Is that New York was essentially run by the mob.
01:59:55.000 Yeah.
01:59:55.000 And Giuliani helped clean that up, too.
01:59:57.000 Oh, yeah.
01:59:58.000 He busted it.
01:59:59.000 I mean, he helped clean it up in the 80s.
02:00:01.000 Yeah.
02:00:02.000 He did that commission case.
02:00:04.000 You know what I mean?
02:00:05.000 It's crazy how this one guy, Giuliani, was responsible for a lot of the improvement in New York City.
02:00:11.000 Yeah.
02:00:11.000 A lot.
02:00:12.000 Oh, yeah.
02:00:12.000 Sometimes it takes one guy like that.
02:00:14.000 What?
02:00:15.000 He's like the Buford Pusser of New York City.
02:00:20.000 Because...
02:00:20.000 Walking tall.
02:00:22.000 Taking the fish market down was... 0.96
02:00:24.000 Everybody was going, he's going to get killed.
02:00:27.000 Really?
02:00:28.000 When he became mayor, he went after the fish market.
02:00:29.000 Explain to people the whole...
02:00:31.000 Well, the mob ran, like Joe was saying, sanitation.
02:00:35.000 Even things like...
02:00:36.000 I was in the restaurant union, so I didn't know.
02:00:39.000 I just paid my dues. 1.00
02:00:40.000 I'm like an idiot. 0.99
02:00:41.000 But like... 1.00
02:00:42.000 They ran the restaurant, but when you run the restaurant, you don't just run the bartenders and the waiters.
02:00:48.000 You run the linen supply, like the mob was linen supply, and the liquor distributors, like all the mob kids, when they were just related to somebody, they'd be driving the liquor trucks, and the food,
02:01:03.000 the meat.
02:01:04.000 Remember they had the famous thing with Frank Perdue and Chicken and stuff?
02:01:09.000 So they really ran like, you know, they'd run an industry, but there's like 20 jobs that are close to that industry where they're involved, you know?
02:01:17.000 And a lot of guys had no-show jobs.
02:01:19.000 And all those no-show jobs in the Javits.
02:01:21.000 I had a buddy, the Javits Center.
02:01:22.000 Exactly.
02:01:22.000 You just said it.
02:01:23.000 I had a friend of mine who had a no-show job at the Javits Center.
02:01:26.000 Oh, yeah.
02:01:27.000 I knew a few people who worked over the Javits Center.
02:01:28.000 Look at that.
02:01:29.000 Look at Giuliani back then.
02:01:31.000 Right, right.
02:01:32.000 Yeah.
02:01:33.000 He said the mafia put an $800,000 bounty on his head.
02:01:37.000 Sure.
02:01:37.000 Isn't it amazing that they didn't kill him?
02:01:39.000 It's amazing that they didn't...
02:01:42.000 Yeah, I guess there was still a few of the old-timers that, like, we don't do...
02:01:45.000 You know what I mean?
02:01:46.000 It was still that thing about the United States, like, we don't kill them doing their job, I guess, you know?
02:01:52.000 I guess.
02:01:53.000 I think they probably tried.
02:01:55.000 They just couldn't get to him.
02:01:56.000 Maybe, yeah.
02:01:57.000 But it was also that law that was...
02:02:00.000 You know, that guy that...
02:02:01.000 It all came from that RICO law.
02:02:03.000 There was some professor who just came up with this law and somebody in the DA's office, somebody goes, that's a great...
02:02:10.000 We could use that law.
02:02:11.000 I forget how it worked, but that was an interesting story.
02:02:13.000 Racketeering.
02:02:14.000 Yeah.
02:02:14.000 It was just some guy that had this concept of a law, but he wasn't...
02:02:17.000 He was like upstate New York or something.
02:02:18.000 You know what I mean?
02:02:19.000 And that's how they got them all.
02:02:20.000 And that's how they ended up taking...
02:02:22.000 I mean, they're still around, obviously, you know, but it's...
02:02:25.000 You ever hear that guy, Michael Franchese, you know who that is?
02:02:27.000 I've seen him be interviewed.
02:02:29.000 Interesting guy, right?
02:02:30.000 Fascinating.
02:02:30.000 Charismatic guy, right?
02:02:31.000 Well, it's fascinating that he's just out there running around.
02:02:34.000 Yeah, but I guess he didn't rat anybody out or something.
02:02:36.000 Right.
02:02:37.000 And I said, you know, that generation's gone, so they're probably just like, ah, the hell with it.
02:02:41.000 But, you know. 0.99
02:02:41.000 What the fuck was the guy's name, the hitman for Gotti? 0.99
02:02:47.000 Oh, Sammy the Bull. 1.00
02:02:48.000 Sammy the Bull Gravano, right.
02:02:50.000 He's out too.
02:02:51.000 Sammy the Bull, yeah.
02:02:52.000 People have interviewed him too, like long interviews, long form interviews.
02:02:56.000 Talked to him about, I mean, he's a murderer, just out there wandering around.
02:03:01.000 Yeah.
02:03:02.000 And even got arrested later in his life for selling Ecstasy.
02:03:06.000 Ecstasy.
02:03:06.000 Yeah.
02:03:07.000 Well, he was trying to keep young.
02:03:10.000 He said it was his...
02:03:11.000 Hitman, Sammy the Bull Gravano, is now a social media star promoting his own podcast and showing off his cozy new family life in Arizona, 35 years after turning on the Gambino family and John Gotti.
02:03:22.000 Wow, he's 75. And he's just starting his podcast.
02:03:25.000 He's like Norm.
02:03:26.000 He's just starting the podcast.
02:03:27.000 They should do a podcast together.
02:03:28.000 Look at him there.
02:03:29.000 Two guys that should have done one years ago.
02:03:30.000 He looks great.
02:03:31.000 He does look good.
02:03:32.000 He looks great.
02:03:33.000 He's 75? 0.99
02:03:34.000 He looks fucking great. 0.90
02:03:35.000 Well, what they always said about him was he would go to the gym, the other guys would go out, he wouldn't stay out late at night, you know? 0.99
02:03:41.000 That's kind of crazy.
02:03:43.000 And he's doing a podcast, just like Hillary Clinton.
02:03:46.000 Yeah.
02:03:46.000 Couple of murderers doing podcasts.
02:03:47.000 Yeah.
02:03:50.000 Look how good he looks, though.
02:03:52.000 That's so weird.
02:03:53.000 Joe, he doesn't look that good.
02:03:54.000 I don't know why you keep saying this.
02:03:55.000 Look, go back to that.
02:03:56.000 Go back to that picture.
02:03:57.000 Come on.
02:03:58.000 If I look that good at 75, come on.
02:04:02.000 Look at that. 0.98
02:04:03.000 He looks fucking good there. 0.98
02:04:04.000 You gotta admit. 0.99
02:04:05.000 For a 75-year-old guy...
02:04:07.000 Yeah, I mean, he looks...
02:04:10.000 Using the same microphones we use, Jamie.
02:04:12.000 Coincidence?
02:04:12.000 He looks 65. No.
02:04:14.000 Very good.
02:04:16.000 He looks good.
02:04:17.000 Oh, it just goes to show a nice smile like that, you know?
02:04:19.000 He's about 62. He looks about 62. All right.
02:04:22.000 13 years younger than he really is.
02:04:23.000 That's what I say for that picture.
02:04:25.000 Yeah.
02:04:26.000 You think his podcast any good?
02:04:28.000 Yeah.
02:04:28.000 Would you be a guest?
02:04:29.000 I bet it's a...
02:04:30.000 I don't know.
02:04:31.000 You know, I don't go on that many.
02:04:33.000 I don't like going on that many podcasts.
02:04:34.000 How many have you been on?
02:04:35.000 Plus, what would he ask me?
02:04:36.000 Let me ask.
02:04:37.000 You know, these mob guys. 0.97
02:04:38.000 People are going to kill it now.
02:04:39.000 They're not the best comedy.
02:04:41.000 Maybe he is.
02:04:42.000 Maybe him and Michael Francesi could tell stories.
02:04:44.000 Well, Francesi seems more like...
02:04:46.000 You know, like he was like a...
02:04:47.000 You know.
02:04:47.000 Yeah.
02:04:48.000 More like a guy like we would understand.
02:04:50.000 He is a very charismatic guy.
02:04:52.000 Yes.
02:04:53.000 Yeah.
02:04:54.000 But, um, who knows?
02:04:56.000 Sammy DeBolt might be, you know what I mean?
02:04:57.000 He's got that street intelligence.
02:04:59.000 How many guys are in jail for life from selling pot?
02:05:03.000 They're watching these guys doing these podcasts.
02:05:06.000 They've killed nine people. 1.00
02:05:06.000 Go, what the fuck? 1.00
02:05:08.000 What kind of shit is this? 1.00
02:05:10.000 Yeah. 1.00
02:05:10.000 What kind of lawyer did I have? 1.00
02:05:13.000 The lawyer's like, listen.
02:05:14.000 Where's the hundred million?
02:05:15.000 The bad news.
02:05:16.000 Oh, Franchese, there's a hundred million missing?
02:05:19.000 Oh, he's got a hundred million buried somewhere?
02:05:21.000 A hundred million?
02:05:22.000 See, he looks like a former mob boss.
02:05:24.000 Oh, yeah.
02:05:25.000 Look at that nice suit he's wearing.
02:05:26.000 Yes.
02:05:27.000 Really well-dressed.
02:05:28.000 And how was he out?
02:05:30.000 How much time did he have to do?
02:05:32.000 I don't know, but I know he was in jail, but...
02:05:36.000 But he wasn't in there for murder.
02:05:37.000 He was in there for some kind of...
02:05:39.000 Remember that gasoline?
02:05:40.000 There was a big gasoline thing in the 80s.
02:05:42.000 I don't know how they did it, but it was one of those things with the Russian mob. 0.96
02:05:45.000 I think he was involved with them in some way.
02:05:47.000 Yeah, they sold billions of gallons of gas.
02:05:50.000 The family would collect the state and local gas taxes, but keep the money instead.
02:05:54.000 At the same time, they were often selling the gas at lower prices...
02:06:00.000 Then at legitimate gas stations, the mid-1980s Fortune magazine listed Franchese as number 18 on its list of top 50 wealthiest and most powerful gangsters in the world.
02:06:11.000 That can't be good for you.
02:06:12.000 He made billions of dollars over the years, not only for himself, but for the five families as well.
02:06:18.000 By 1984, his greatest net worth was a staggering $20 billion, making him one of the richest gangsters of all time.
02:06:25.000 Wait a minute.
02:06:28.000 Nobody's worth $20 billion in 1984. Says he was?
02:06:35.000 Wikipedia's line?
02:06:37.000 Even Bill Gates wasn't worth $20 billion in 1984. In 1985, Franchese was indicted on 14 counts of racketeering, counterfeiting and extortion in the gasoline bootleg racket.
02:06:49.000 In 1986, Franchese pleaded guilty on two counts.
02:06:52.000 He was sentenced to 10 years in federal prison with $14 million in restitution payments.
02:06:57.000 The guy's worth $20 billion. 0.99
02:06:58.000 That ain't shit. 0.96
02:06:59.000 So that's where the $100 million is. 0.92
02:07:02.000 So what is he doing now?
02:07:03.000 First of all, if he has $20 billion, why is he only $100 million buried?
02:07:08.000 I would have buried $10 billion.
02:07:10.000 That's a good question.
02:07:10.000 Keep scrolling down that page.
02:07:12.000 I was going to try to find the $20 billion thing.
02:07:13.000 What does it say at the bottom?
02:07:15.000 I want to find out what happened.
02:07:16.000 If that was me...
02:07:16.000 When did he get out?
02:07:18.000 He's a motivational speaker now.
02:07:20.000 This is how you steal!
02:07:22.000 Well, he got out in 89, got resentenced for violating his parole terms.
02:07:26.000 Oh, what did he do to get arrested for tax fraud in LA, sent back to New York.
02:07:31.000 Whoopsies.
02:07:32.000 He started making the balance of the court-ordered restitution payments earlier that year.
02:07:36.000 Prosecutors also said Franchese was not considered by the government to be a cooperating witness.
02:07:41.000 That's why he's alive.
02:07:43.000 He was released in 94. Wow.
02:07:45.000 Wow.
02:07:46.000 Wow.
02:07:47.000 Yeah.
02:07:48.000 Interesting.
02:07:49.000 Oh, yeah.
02:07:49.000 So he made an autobiography.
02:07:52.000 Well, he sounds like a fucking hustler, right? 1.00
02:07:54.000 Yeah. 1.00
02:07:54.000 He's been interviewed by Jim Rohn. 1.00
02:07:55.000 He's obviously a smart guy.
02:07:57.000 He persuaded New York Yankees players who owed money to the Colombo Lone Sharks to fix baseball games for betting purposes. 0.99
02:08:05.000 Holy shit. 0.95
02:08:06.000 2003 Franchese published Blood Covenant, an updated and expanded life story. 0.98
02:08:12.000 He's out now.
02:08:13.000 I mean, he's out there doing things.
02:08:15.000 He's out for 25 years.
02:08:16.000 But I mean, he's out there doing things.
02:08:17.000 I saw him being interviewed by somebody recently on YouTube.
02:08:21.000 Yeah.
02:08:22.000 Because I'm sure, you know, like you said, if he didn't cooperate and most of those guys are dead anyway.
02:08:27.000 Wait a minute.
02:08:28.000 They contacted me.
02:08:30.000 Yeah, really recently I got a request to have him on.
02:08:34.000 Yeah, bring him on.
02:08:35.000 I don't know if I want him to know where we are.
02:08:37.000 Good point.
02:08:38.000 Just in case you piss him off.
02:08:40.000 Yeah, there he is.
02:08:41.000 Okay, he's being viewed.
02:08:43.000 Yeah, but that value-tainment guy, that guy does a very good show.
02:08:48.000 He's on YouTube.
02:08:51.000 Yes, he's very good.
02:08:53.000 He's very good.
02:08:54.000 That's where I've seen him.
02:08:55.000 Yeah, he's got a bunch of YouTube shows.
02:08:57.000 Look how Confident and comfortable that guy is.
02:09:01.000 Out of jail.
02:09:02.000 Looking good.
02:09:03.000 Nice little pocket scarf.
02:09:05.000 Yeah.
02:09:06.000 Gentleman. 0.95
02:09:07.000 Looks like a real mobster. 0.95
02:09:09.000 Yeah.
02:09:10.000 I wonder if he was at the Palm Shores Club that night.
02:09:11.000 I'll never know.
02:09:13.000 When I was friends with Fitzsimmons, Fitzsimmons lived in Little Italy, and he lived right above the social club.
02:09:21.000 Wow.
02:09:21.000 Where John Gotti and all those guys used to go?
02:09:25.000 He lived right there.
02:09:26.000 When I went to visit him, I was like, Jesus, Greg.
02:09:29.000 Like, he was right there.
02:09:31.000 Hilarious.
02:09:31.000 Yeah, he rented this place from this old Italian couple.
02:09:37.000 Oh, that's really funny.
02:09:38.000 Yeah, he was right there.
02:09:39.000 You see those guys walking down the street, walking to the social club.
02:09:43.000 Oh, my God.
02:09:44.000 They probably had him checked out, making sure he wasn't, you know.
02:09:46.000 A guy like him could be a federal agent, you know.
02:09:48.000 But Justin Simmons has that look.
02:09:51.000 If they saw his act, they'd know.
02:09:53.000 There's no way.
02:09:54.000 He's too funny.
02:09:55.000 It's also like those days when the mob ran New York.
02:10:01.000 It's like the mob ran Vegas.
02:10:03.000 Everybody has these romantic notions of those days.
02:10:05.000 But again, it's just like gritty New York City. 0.99
02:10:07.000 As long as they weren't fucking you over. 0.99
02:10:09.000 Exactly. 0.98
02:10:10.000 It's all fine until you're trying to get paid.
02:10:13.000 Like that great Richard Pryor routine.
02:10:15.000 Remember that one?
02:10:15.000 What was that?
02:10:17.000 Oh, right, right, right.
02:10:18.000 Trying to get paid by the mob.
02:10:19.000 He's just laughing when he pulls a gun out.
02:10:22.000 The good old days.
02:10:23.000 Yeah.
02:10:24.000 Yeah.
02:10:25.000 But I mean, of course, you miss New York.
02:10:28.000 Whatever flavor, you know, that's what you miss, is whatever that other intangible thing was.
02:10:34.000 Yeah, the madness.
02:10:36.000 But it did get, like you said, Times Square cleaned up.
02:10:39.000 It was the worst.
02:10:40.000 Times Square was horrible.
02:10:41.000 I mean, I hated Times Square.
02:10:43.000 Everybody hated Times Square.
02:10:44.000 and then it got cleaned up and right away we're like hey it looks like disneyland it did get to be like a big applebee's like we were saying it really did get real it became like a like just real chain yes chain restaurants i feel like that was one of the downfalls was chains but they're the only ones that could do you know what i mean like Small business owners weren't going to be in,
02:11:05.000 you know.
02:11:05.000 They weren't able to afford the rents.
02:11:07.000 Yeah, and the small business owners were all porn stores before that.
02:11:10.000 Well, that was also when you got there, like, Caroline's changed.
02:11:15.000 Yes.
02:11:15.000 Because Caroline's was right on Broadway, and I remember Caroline's at one point in time was like, you guys, none of you people are from here.
02:11:20.000 Like, Caroline's became like this tourist trap.
02:11:23.000 Right.
02:11:24.000 You know?
02:11:24.000 Yes.
02:11:25.000 Like, if you did Gotham, you got New York City people.
02:11:29.000 Yeah.
02:11:30.000 But if you did Caroline's, you were getting, like...
02:11:33.000 All tourists.
02:11:34.000 Yeah, it was weird. 1.00
02:11:34.000 They're all from Kansas and shit. 1.00
02:11:36.000 Yeah. 1.00
02:11:36.000 First time in New York. 1.00
02:11:38.000 Well, people would say that if you want a good test of Iraq to see if it would work nationally, it was Caroline's. 0.70
02:11:44.000 That's what it became.
02:11:46.000 Yeah.
02:11:46.000 Because like you said, it was really tourists.
02:11:48.000 Yeah.
02:11:49.000 But it wasn't always like that.
02:11:50.000 When I lived in New York, Caroline's was like a real New York club.
02:11:53.000 I know.
02:11:54.000 Yeah.
02:11:55.000 But because they cleaned up Times Square, they cleaned up Caroline's too.
02:11:59.000 Yeah, because people didn't want us to go to Times Square in the old days.
02:12:02.000 I mean, in the 80s, nobody wanted to go to Times Square unless you were up to some devious behavior.
02:12:05.000 There was no point to being there.
02:12:06.000 Is Dangerfields still open?
02:12:08.000 Dangerfields is exactly the same.
02:12:10.000 How is it possible that it's still open?
02:12:12.000 Well, maybe ask your buddy.
02:12:15.000 Talk to Fred Chasey!
02:12:17.000 He's selling gas in the back.
02:12:21.000 Dangerfields has not changed in 35 years.
02:12:24.000 I was there like three years ago.
02:12:25.000 I was laughing so hard.
02:12:26.000 I used to love that club.
02:12:28.000 Oh, I love it.
02:12:29.000 Because you could really work out.
02:12:31.000 Oh, nobody was there.
02:12:32.000 Nobody's there.
02:12:33.000 30-minute sets.
02:12:34.000 Do you remember Bobby, the doorman?
02:12:35.000 Yeah, of course.
02:12:36.000 Bobby. 1.00
02:12:37.000 Big old fucking Scottish guy. 1.00
02:12:38.000 Powerlifter. 1.00
02:12:39.000 Bobby.
02:12:40.000 I saw him pick a man up by his neck.
02:12:42.000 Some guy was heckling.
02:12:43.000 He grabbed the man.
02:12:44.000 Bobby was an enormous human being.
02:12:46.000 Grabbed the man by his neck and lifted him up in the air.
02:12:49.000 Carried him out.
02:12:50.000 Like he had one hand on his belt, one hand on his neck.
02:12:53.000 Because he was such a tank.
02:12:54.000 He picked the guy up like the guy was an empty suitcase.
02:12:57.000 But even that's an old school technique for a bouncer.
02:12:59.000 By the belt and the neck.
02:13:02.000 Is that the greatest?
02:13:03.000 Yeah, Bobby.
02:13:04.000 Yeah, Bobby. 0.94
02:13:05.000 He goes, you'd get off stage, even if you're killed. 1.00
02:13:07.000 He goes, oh, you tricked him again with that bag of shite for an act. 0.99
02:13:14.000 It was a great place because I knew that Kinison had performed there and Roddy Dangerfield did those Dangerfield specials there. 0.99
02:13:22.000 I mean, it was his spot.
02:13:24.000 It was amazing.
02:13:25.000 But you would go there and it was like, why is this place empty?
02:13:29.000 I don't understand.
02:13:30.000 Yeah.
02:13:30.000 They made all their money in prom season and I guess...
02:13:33.000 I did prom shows there.
02:13:34.000 I did them with Otto and George.
02:13:36.000 Otto and George and I did prom shows.
02:13:38.000 Those were fun.
02:13:39.000 They were wild.
02:13:40.000 They were wild.
02:13:41.000 They never rotated the show.
02:13:44.000 They would just put in more people.
02:13:46.000 And they told you to never change your act because they wanted people to leave.
02:13:51.000 So...
02:13:53.000 Folks don't know what prom shows are. 0.99
02:13:54.000 Prom shows are you would get there, and this is no bullshit. 0.98
02:13:57.000 You might do a 7 p.m.
02:13:59.000 show, and you might do five shows a night.
02:14:01.000 So your last show might be like 2 o'clock in the morning.
02:14:04.000 Yeah.
02:14:04.000 And you would leave there.
02:14:06.000 It would be light out.
02:14:08.000 Yep.
02:14:08.000 I mean, it was crazy.
02:14:09.000 It really didn't make any sense.
02:14:11.000 And they were all 17 years old.
02:14:12.000 High school kids.
02:14:13.000 And they're leaving their prom, and they would get them in there on limos and pump them into the club. 1.00
02:14:18.000 And the kids were hammered and drunk.
02:14:20.000 Yep.
02:14:21.000 Yeah, I saw a kid go on stage and took the microphone away from Al Lubel and blew cigar smoke in his face.
02:14:27.000 I was like, Jesus, this is rough.
02:14:29.000 This is a rough show.
02:14:30.000 It was wild, man. 1.00
02:14:32.000 And they were so dumb, these kids. 1.00
02:14:34.000 They were so stupid. 1.00
02:14:35.000 Otto and George was on. 1.00
02:14:36.000 He was fucking hilarious. 0.97
02:14:37.000 And this kid's like, I could see his lips moving. 0.98
02:14:39.000 His lips are moving.
02:14:40.000 He was mad that you could see the ventriloquist's lips are moving. 0.98
02:14:46.000 He didn't even care that it was some of the funniest fucking material. 0.99
02:14:49.000 So funny. 0.99
02:14:50.000 Do you remember when he had a Kennedy head?
02:14:52.000 Did you ever see when Otto and George had a Kennedy head?
02:14:55.000 No.
02:14:55.000 You know, George the dummy, he had rigged this thing up where George's head would flap back and it would like expose his brain and he was working on this thing.
02:15:04.000 We would have like a Kennedy head and he said, he goes, yeah, I want to get it so it squirts blood so I can get blood to squirt out of his head. 0.99
02:15:13.000 I mean, it was really, I mean, I guess they're all like that, but he has such a sick relationship with that goddamn George. 0.99
02:15:19.000 Oh, it was weird. 0.99
02:15:20.000 It was like an episode of The Twilight Zone.
02:15:22.000 It really was.
02:15:23.000 Yeah, it was.
02:15:24.000 Yeah, a couple of people told stories about the time they'd be out and, you know, somebody would say something and Otto would just go crazy and attack them for verbally abusing the dummy.
02:15:33.000 Well, a Puerto Rican guy stabbed the dummy on stage one day.
02:15:36.000 That's right, that's right.
02:15:36.000 I don't remember where that was, but I remember the story.
02:15:39.000 I remember the story, too.
02:15:39.000 He would sometimes have to check on the dummy.
02:15:41.000 Like, open the trunk.
02:15:42.000 I've got to check on George.
02:15:44.000 Yeah.
02:15:44.000 It's a girl.
02:15:45.000 It was a girl one time.
02:15:46.000 I forget that story.
02:15:47.000 But it was something with the girl, and she said something about the dummy.
02:15:50.000 He goes, he stays with me.
02:15:52.000 And he went crazy, and she just ran out of the house. 0.99
02:15:54.000 She's like, he's a psycho. 0.99
02:15:55.000 Don't really blame him. 0.98
02:15:56.000 Do you remember that episode, The Twilight Zone, where the guy's dummy starts talking to him?
02:16:01.000 Yes!
02:16:01.000 Yes!
02:16:03.000 Yeah, there's something about dummy acts.
02:16:06.000 Duncan Trussle used to have this dummy, and someone stole it.
02:16:08.000 His dummy was Little Hobo.
02:16:10.000 And Little Hobo, in the act, the dummy was his grandfather's dummy.
02:16:15.000 And his grandfather had died, and his grandfather's dying wish was that Duncan would bring Little Hobo on stage one last time before he buried him with his grandpa.
02:16:25.000 So he'd have the dummy on stage, and then the dummy would start talking to him. 0.99
02:16:28.000 He's like, wait a minute, how the fuck are you talking? 0.98
02:16:30.000 It was like this crazy thing where the dummy would take him over, and he would play Pink Floyd. 0.99
02:16:35.000 He would sing along.
02:16:36.000 There it is. 0.99
02:16:37.000 LAUGHTER I took him with me to the UK, and they did not know what to fucking expect. 0.97
02:16:46.000 Wish You Were Here, so he would play that song, Pink Floyd song, Wish You Were Here, and him and the dummy would be singing at the same time, two different voices, because he had it synced up. 0.98
02:16:56.000 He had a whole setup with recordings and everything.
02:16:59.000 It was amazing.
02:17:00.000 That's great.
02:17:01.000 Living in a fishbowl, year after year.
02:17:05.000 And his eyes would roll back in his head and the dummy would be singing.
02:17:08.000 It was amazing.
02:17:09.000 Do people believe it?
02:17:11.000 No, they would love it.
02:17:12.000 It was so good.
02:17:13.000 It was such a good routine. 0.99
02:17:15.000 And then someone fucking stole Little Hobo. 1.00
02:17:17.000 Someone stole it. 0.99
02:17:18.000 And so he had to get a new Little Hobo.
02:17:20.000 And the new Little Hobo was even creepier.
02:17:22.000 He hasn't done it in forever.
02:17:23.000 I would love for him to do that routine again.
02:17:25.000 But would that be his closer?
02:17:27.000 Yeah, oh yeah, you couldn't follow Little Hobo. 1.00
02:17:30.000 Is it in there?
02:17:31.000 Give me some volume.
02:17:35.000 We got a problem with our system.
02:17:37.000 I have to mute like five different things.
02:17:39.000 One last chance on stage and dedicate a song to my grandfather.
02:17:43.000 Is that okay with you guys if I do that?
02:17:46.000 Let's not wish you were here. 1.00
02:17:48.000 Oh, that was when someone was getting married, that fucking Satanist. 1.00
02:17:57.000 What's his name? 1.00
02:17:58.000 Stanton LeVay.
02:17:59.000 Anton LeVay.
02:18:01.000 Yeah, I took a photo with that guy and nuts online are convinced that that's the evidence that I am a Satanist. 1.00
02:18:09.000 Because the guy was doing the devil horns and shit, and he was getting married, and Duncan performed at his wedding, and I had to go, because it was the craziest fucking shit ever. 0.99
02:18:19.000 Duncan was there, and they hired him to do his little hobo routine at this guy's satanic wedding. 0.99
02:18:25.000 So he couldn't use Wish You Were Here.
02:18:27.000 They're like, you know, we're more into this kind of heavy metal.
02:18:30.000 No, no, he did Wish You Were Here.
02:18:32.000 That was the program.
02:18:35.000 Because, yeah, it's hard to take a Satanist seriously when he does the devil horns.
02:18:39.000 Yeah.
02:18:41.000 I'm sure the father didn't go for that kind of stuff.
02:18:43.000 I think he was the grandson or the son of Anton LaVey.
02:18:47.000 I forget what it was.
02:18:49.000 But their idea of what Satanism is is a little different.
02:18:54.000 Yeah.
02:18:55.000 You know, you think, oh, he worships the devil.
02:18:58.000 Their Satanism was like hedonism, really, what it was like.
02:19:02.000 It was like giving in to your carnal instincts and just living for the moment, doing whatever you wanted to do.
02:19:08.000 But I don't necessarily think...
02:19:10.000 Now I sound like a Satanist apologist.
02:19:12.000 That's what the grandson said?
02:19:13.000 The son of the grandson.
02:19:14.000 The Satan apologist.
02:19:15.000 They were trying to explain it to me.
02:19:17.000 I'm like, so you believe in the devil?
02:19:18.000 You worship the devil?
02:19:19.000 Like, what is this?
02:19:20.000 Well, it's like, you know, the grandfather probably was a real deal. 0.99
02:19:24.000 I think it was just, they're being silly.
02:19:26.000 No, it's like Bob Dylan versus Jacob Dylan. 0.59
02:19:28.000 Jacob Dylan's talented, but, you know, Bob is just, it's a different, you know.
02:19:31.000 It's a different kind of talent.
02:19:32.000 Yeah.
02:19:33.000 Jacob's like pop.
02:19:34.000 I mean, he's got great songs.
02:19:36.000 Yeah.
02:19:36.000 Yeah.
02:19:37.000 But he's not like Anton LaVey. 0.98
02:19:39.000 Where the fuck did Jacob Dylan go? 0.99
02:19:42.000 I don't know. 0.99
02:19:42.000 I met him back in the day when I was filming Fear Factor. 0.99
02:19:46.000 His kids were like Fear Factor fans.
02:19:48.000 Right.
02:19:48.000 And they came to watch one of the episodes.
02:19:50.000 I met Kenny G that way too.
02:19:52.000 You did?
02:19:53.000 They came to the episode?
02:19:54.000 Yeah, they came to watch it being filmed.
02:19:55.000 But the episodes were like outside.
02:19:57.000 Yeah, they came to watch. 0.95
02:19:59.000 They came to watch people eat dicks and stuff. 0.99
02:20:01.000 Wow. 0.99
02:20:03.000 Yeah.
02:20:07.000 There's Duncan.
02:20:08.000 What is this?
02:20:10.000 It's the evolution of.
02:20:11.000 Oh, that's two little hobos? 1.00
02:20:13.000 It was a wild night.
02:20:15.000 Oh, okay.
02:20:16.000 So he did some experimental work.
02:20:18.000 I see that.
02:20:19.000 That was like that painter.
02:20:20.000 I forget his name, but it's like, yeah, I see what he's doing.
02:20:22.000 He had different phases of his career.
02:20:24.000 Yeah.
02:20:26.000 Well, that's the problem.
02:20:27.000 When you have a closer like that, then you just can't really get inspired to keep working because you're like, this closer's going to change.
02:20:34.000 It was weird to follow because I brought him with me on the road.
02:20:37.000 Oh, my God.
02:20:38.000 You should have made him come back up and do it at the end.
02:20:41.000 No, it was awesome.
02:20:42.000 It was fun.
02:20:43.000 It was fun.
02:20:44.000 That's so funny.
02:20:45.000 So, Colin Quinn, what happens with you now?
02:20:47.000 Where do you go?
02:20:47.000 Where do you go from here?
02:20:49.000 That's the question, isn't it?
02:20:50.000 You need to do stand-up again.
02:20:51.000 Where do we all go from here?
02:20:52.000 Well, maybe...
02:20:53.000 I don't know.
02:20:55.000 Like, legitimately.
02:20:56.000 Have you thought about it?
02:20:57.000 Where am I going to...
02:20:58.000 I don't know.
02:20:59.000 I mean, I write, you know, I write every day.
02:21:02.000 I'm writing scripts, I'm writing books, I'm doing all that stuff.
02:21:05.000 You write every day?
02:21:06.000 Yeah, something.
02:21:07.000 Do you sit down at a specific time and do it?
02:21:09.000 No, I don't have that discipline, you know.
02:21:12.000 But I make sure I write, you know.
02:21:15.000 But I'm like, I'm sure like every comic, like I'll write...
02:21:18.000 Like five days in a row and I'll be like, I'm a beast.
02:21:20.000 I'm a disciplined person.
02:21:22.000 And then the next day I'll just be like, I just start eating and, you know, watching.
02:21:26.000 Like any Narcos offshoot show.
02:21:29.000 Any show that's related in any way to Narcos is the greatest show to me on Netflix.
02:21:35.000 Why do you like Narcos?
02:21:36.000 I just love all those shows.
02:21:37.000 I love Fauda.
02:21:38.000 You ever watch that one?
02:21:39.000 What's that?
02:21:40.000 The Israeli one. 0.95
02:21:41.000 No.
02:21:42.000 Fauda.
02:21:43.000 That's another Netflix.
02:21:43.000 I only watched the first two seasons of Narcos.
02:21:46.000 You did?
02:21:46.000 Once it wasn't Pablo Escobar anymore, I kind of lost my interest.
02:21:49.000 Was that guy not the...
02:21:50.000 Well, they did it in Mexico.
02:21:51.000 It was great, too.
02:21:52.000 But nobody was as good as that guy to play in Pablo Escobar.
02:21:54.000 He's incredible.
02:21:56.000 Because most evil, like even what I expected to see Pablo Escobar was like this guy that's like, rah, and he's just playing this other thing.
02:22:04.000 This dull kind of banality of evil guy who's just like looking and then just, oh boy, was he an actor.
02:22:11.000 I believed it though.
02:22:12.000 Me too.
02:22:12.000 That's what I mean.
02:22:13.000 All in.
02:22:14.000 All in.
02:22:14.000 When he confronts those cops.
02:22:16.000 On the bridge.
02:22:19.000 Yes!
02:22:19.000 And it was like silver or lead.
02:22:21.000 It's your choice.
02:22:22.000 And they're like, oh, take the silver. 1.00
02:22:25.000 Oh, shit. 1.00
02:22:26.000 The fuck? 1.00
02:22:27.000 Yeah, that's a great... 1.00
02:22:29.000 It's just, again, I got a huge photo of Pablo Escobar in the old studio.
02:22:35.000 Huge.
02:22:36.000 Of his mugshot, his big smiling face.
02:22:38.000 And people would see it in the photos because I'd take pictures with the guests in front of the werewolf with this Pablo Escobar photo.
02:22:44.000 And people would get mad.
02:22:45.000 They're like, you're celebrating this guy.
02:22:46.000 Like, he was terrible to Columbia.
02:22:48.000 Like, for me, as an outsider who loved that Narco show, I was like, look at this chaos. 0.99
02:22:52.000 This fucking guy who controlled Columbia for so many years and made so much money selling coke. 0.88
02:22:57.000 But for the people that had to deal with it, it's the same as, like, the romantic notions of Times Square. 0.99
02:23:02.000 Exactly.
02:23:03.000 Yeah.
02:23:03.000 It's like all, and even me, who knows better?
02:23:06.000 That photo.
02:23:07.000 Oh, God.
02:23:08.000 That huge mug shot.
02:23:09.000 We had like a five-foot version of that at our podcast studio in L.A. That's funny because that shot, and he probably loves that shot and probably hates that other shot, where he's as fat as a house.
02:23:20.000 That can't be him, can it?
02:23:21.000 With the wife, yeah. 0.97
02:23:23.000 That's not him.
02:23:23.000 That's him.
02:23:24.000 All those pictures are him.
02:23:25.000 Jesus, boy, he let himself fall apart, huh?
02:23:27.000 Well, he's just doing coke and drinking.
02:23:29.000 I mean, what a party that guy led until the end.
02:23:32.000 I mean, he never really got the hair under control.
02:23:35.000 You know, all that money.
02:23:37.000 You should wear a hat.
02:23:39.000 What kind of hat?
02:23:40.000 Yeah, how about that in front of the White House? 0.99
02:23:44.000 Fucking wild. 0.98
02:23:45.000 It's weird when you go by the White House how close it is to the street. 0.99
02:23:49.000 Yeah, I know.
02:23:49.000 It's confusing.
02:23:50.000 It's crazy. 0.99
02:23:51.000 How has nobody fucking shot that place full of holes yet? 0.99
02:23:53.000 No, the bedroom's probably in the back. 0.98
02:23:56.000 Well, even if it was, still.
02:23:59.000 It's weird how close it is because back then, you know, you had muskets.
02:24:03.000 I'd like the bedroom up front, wouldn't you?
02:24:05.000 Just so you can look out and say, hey, people don't realize the president's looking at you.
02:24:09.000 You live wild.
02:24:10.000 You live on the edge.
02:24:11.000 Yeah, why not?
02:24:12.000 Right there.
02:24:12.000 We live in the back of the White House.
02:24:14.000 That's why you're never going to be president.
02:24:16.000 That's one of the reasons.
02:24:18.000 You might be able to be president.
02:24:20.000 You know a lot about politics, probably more than any comic I know, next to Dave Smith.
02:24:24.000 I feel like I would be a good president, but that's the first step.
02:24:29.000 You have to be narcissistic enough.
02:24:32.000 That's why I have to read that book.
02:24:33.000 To think you're a good president.
02:24:35.000 Yeah, to think I could do this.
02:24:36.000 I have two copies of that narcissism book if you want it.
02:24:39.000 I like the idea better that we save them to the green room just to watch the fury and then we film.
02:24:44.000 I mean, Joe, I hope we're going to have some cameras in this thing.
02:24:47.000 We film the anger in their faces when they say, he's gave this book to me.
02:24:51.000 I feel like you're honestly considering moving here.
02:24:54.000 Yeah, well, I do love the idea of it.
02:24:56.000 Do you really? 0.56
02:24:58.000 Legitimately, all bullshit aside, you would move here? 0.99
02:25:00.000 I don't know. 0.99
02:25:01.000 Ron White lives here.
02:25:02.000 I don't know if I would move here.
02:25:03.000 Do you know Ron White?
02:25:04.000 Sure.
02:25:05.000 Yeah, he's here.
02:25:06.000 But I don't know Ron White well enough where it would influence my move.
02:25:10.000 I can introduce you to him.
02:25:11.000 No, I mean, I know him.
02:25:11.000 We could get drunk together.
02:25:12.000 I don't think he'll sweep you over my feet.
02:25:14.000 No.
02:25:15.000 Ron White's lifestyle and my lifestyle would not be...
02:25:17.000 You can just hang out while he drinks.
02:25:19.000 I'll drink for both of us.
02:25:21.000 I'd rather watch you do whatever violent stuff, like throwing spears. 0.99
02:25:26.000 I don't know what you're doing on the ranch, but shit like that is more interesting to me. 0.99
02:25:29.000 Okay. 0.99
02:25:30.000 You know what I mean?
02:25:31.000 I'm sure you got archery.
02:25:33.000 I'm sure you got all kinds of fun stuff to do.
02:25:35.000 My old studio, I had an inside range.
02:25:37.000 I had a 45-yard indoor range.
02:25:39.000 You did?
02:25:39.000 Oh, yeah.
02:25:40.000 Yeah.
02:25:40.000 I had a rubber elk to shoot arrows into.
02:25:45.000 Are you going to get all kinds of stuff like that?
02:25:46.000 Of course.
02:25:47.000 Yeah, 100%.
02:25:48.000 That's kind of cool.
02:25:49.000 Yeah.
02:25:51.000 Yeah, the next place where we have a studio will 100% have a range.
02:25:55.000 Oh, I thought you meant in the house.
02:25:58.000 I have it in my house, too.
02:26:00.000 Right.
02:26:00.000 Yeah.
02:26:01.000 No, I have it in my house, but I mean, the next studio, I'll have a range.
02:26:05.000 I like to do it after shows.
02:26:06.000 It clears my mind.
02:26:07.000 It's good.
02:26:08.000 Have you ever practiced archery?
02:26:09.000 Yeah, once.
02:26:10.000 Really?
02:26:11.000 I tried it.
02:26:11.000 It's fun.
02:26:12.000 It was fun.
02:26:13.000 Just something about hitting a target.
02:26:15.000 Something about letting it go.
02:26:16.000 Yeah, it's like seeing that arrow hit its mark.
02:26:19.000 It's very cleansing for the mind.
02:26:21.000 I feel like the invention of guns took a lot of the purity out of war.
02:26:27.000 You know what I mean?
02:26:28.000 Right.
02:26:28.000 Yeah.
02:26:29.000 In the old days.
02:26:30.000 But even archers, really.
02:26:31.000 Think about it.
02:26:32.000 You're fighting with sword.
02:26:34.000 You're used to a certain kind of... 0.96
02:26:35.000 And suddenly all these asshole archers that are thousands of yards back just, you know, release the archers, you know, and then... 0.99
02:26:42.000 Well, the craziest shit was catapults, right? 1.00
02:26:44.000 Yeah. 1.00
02:26:44.000 Just launch a ball-covered flaming tar flying at you. 1.00
02:26:49.000 That's how they took Constantinople. 1.00
02:26:50.000 I was watching this thing all night, and I was like, man, those goddamn catapults. 1.00
02:26:55.000 They didn't expect them, you know? 0.99
02:26:56.000 And they just, yeah, flaming ball.
02:26:58.000 They just took it down.
02:26:59.000 They were like, what is this?
02:27:01.000 So when I do open up a club out here, I'm going to send out the signal.
02:27:05.000 I'm going to let you know.
02:27:07.000 But honestly, I would love it if you came by at least and worked.
02:27:10.000 Of course I would.
02:27:11.000 And I will test everybody now that we've got the rapid testing.
02:27:14.000 We can get results in 15 minutes.
02:27:15.000 I think we could do a whole crowd in an hour.
02:27:19.000 I think if you have an 8 o'clock show, tell people to get there at 7. Yes.
02:27:23.000 200 people, you could do it inside an hour.
02:27:25.000 Easy.
02:27:26.000 Easy.
02:27:26.000 Get a staff of nurses.
02:27:28.000 Everybody's masked up until you get tested.
02:27:30.000 Wouldn't be that hard to do.
02:27:32.000 I mean, yeah, if you even have to by then.
02:27:34.000 But I mean, I love the idea.
02:27:36.000 And people want to get there early.
02:27:38.000 Plus, it'll get people there early.
02:27:40.000 Nothing worse than a bunch of latecomers.
02:27:41.000 Exactly.
02:27:42.000 Then when they come inside, they can have a drink once they pass. 1.00
02:27:45.000 You can take your fucking mask off and live like a person. 1.00
02:27:48.000 You're inside. 1.00
02:27:49.000 You don't have to worry.
02:27:49.000 Everybody's been cleared.
02:27:50.000 Everybody's been tested.
02:27:51.000 I love it.
02:27:52.000 I love it too.
02:27:53.000 I love the fact that right now I'm clear.
02:27:55.000 You're clear.
02:27:56.000 Just from outside.
02:27:56.000 You know it.
02:27:56.000 I know.
02:27:57.000 It feels great.
02:27:58.000 It does feel great.
02:27:59.000 Today I think was my, what did I say, 37th test?
02:28:03.000 I think today's my 37th test.
02:28:05.000 That's great.
02:28:09.000 Yeah, I think it can be done.
02:28:11.000 I just want them to come up with some sort of a treatment where we could just get... 0.92
02:28:15.000 But I am going to fucking appreciate things now. 0.91
02:28:18.000 I mean, I do appreciate things, but I'm really going to appreciate stand-up again. 0.95
02:28:22.000 When we get back to it...
02:28:23.000 Yes, you're going to savor it.
02:28:24.000 Yeah.
02:28:25.000 Right?
02:28:25.000 Because sometimes it gets to the point where you're like, I want to do good.
02:28:28.000 It's not that you don't enjoy it.
02:28:30.000 You can't help but enjoy it if you're a stand-up.
02:28:32.000 But you're not, say, you're like trying to get to the goal. 0.99
02:28:36.000 I want to kill.
02:28:38.000 Instead of the whole journey of like, sometimes I'll do an hour and I'm like, I feel great afterwards. 0.98
02:28:42.000 I want to feel great during it too.
02:28:44.000 What if we lured you here by producing Tough Room?
02:28:49.000 Producing and promoting Tough Room.
02:28:52.000 I don't know.
02:28:53.000 Will you think about it?
02:28:54.000 I'll think about it for sure.
02:28:55.000 I really will. 0.94
02:28:56.000 Because if you did it as a podcast, I think it would be fucking giant. 0.95
02:28:59.000 I really think it would be giant. 0.95
02:29:01.000 I think if we take the time and really think about it and organize really good guests, like organize guys like Joey Diaz, guys like Greg Fitzsimmons, funny fucking people, have them come in. 0.80
02:29:12.000 They're going to do stand-up at the place. 0.96
02:29:14.000 Yes!
02:29:15.000 They'll do stand-up at the place and do it just like you did Tough Crowd.
02:29:18.000 We have subjects in the news. 0.99
02:29:19.000 You bring it up and you have a table full of great comics talking shit like a podcast. 0.99
02:29:25.000 Yeah. 0.99
02:29:26.000 I'll think about it for sure.
02:29:28.000 Please think about it, Colin.
02:29:29.000 I will, I will.
02:29:29.000 All right.
02:29:30.000 That's great.
02:29:31.000 Listen, man, I'm glad you made it here.
02:29:33.000 Thank you so much.
02:29:33.000 It was an honor.
02:29:34.000 It was a pleasure.
02:29:35.000 It was really...
02:29:36.000 We do it again?
02:29:37.000 We'll do it again.
02:29:38.000 Absolutely.
02:29:38.000 Okay, we'll do it again.
02:29:39.000 And when the club opens, I want you to be there like one of the first weeks, please.
02:29:43.000 It's great.
02:29:43.000 I would love it.
02:29:44.000 All right.
02:29:44.000 Yeah, I love it.
02:29:46.000 All right.
02:29:46.000 Do you have social media?
02:29:47.000 Do you have all that jazz?
02:29:48.000 Yeah, Twitter.
02:29:49.000 But I mean, my book...
02:29:50.000 Do you use Instagram?
02:29:50.000 I haven't even promoted my book.
02:29:51.000 Oh.
02:29:52.000 Tell everybody about your book.
02:29:53.000 My book is called Overstated.
02:29:56.000 It just came out.
02:29:57.000 It's a roast of the 50 states, basically.
02:29:59.000 So it's basically talking about the United States right now.
02:30:02.000 And we've all been to...
02:30:03.000 I've been to 47. I haven't been to 50. Maybe you've been to 50. I've been to 47 states.
02:30:07.000 I haven't.
02:30:07.000 I've been to the Dakotas and Wyoming.
02:30:09.000 I was just going to say that.
02:30:10.000 I haven't been to the Dakotas and Wyoming.
02:30:11.000 Wow!
02:30:12.000 That's exactly what I was going to say.
02:30:14.000 I've been to Alaska and Hawaii.
02:30:16.000 There it is.
02:30:16.000 Overstated.
02:30:17.000 Coast to coast roast of the 50 states.
02:30:18.000 I haven't been to...
02:30:20.000 I guess I've been everywhere else.
02:30:23.000 I kind of think...
02:30:24.000 Nope, never been to New Mexico either.
02:30:27.000 Yeah.
02:30:27.000 I mean, I think I drove through when I was a little kid, but that's it.
02:30:30.000 I don't think I've been anywhere else.
02:30:32.000 Yeah, I think that's it.
02:30:32.000 I did shows in New Mexico, and we went to the hotel.
02:30:35.000 I was like, oh, I like it here in Albuquerque.
02:30:37.000 I'm lying there in the room.
02:30:38.000 I'm like, this is nice in New Mexico.
02:30:40.000 It was like a drive-by next door, and it was a nice hotel.
02:30:44.000 Yeah.
02:30:45.000 Albuquerque, that's a wild west.
02:30:47.000 That's Navajo country. 0.99
02:30:48.000 Yeah.
02:30:49.000 Tap Tap Tapia.
02:30:50.000 Remember Johnny Tapia?
02:30:51.000 Yes, I do. 0.99
02:30:52.000 That fucking big, what was the mother? 0.99
02:30:57.000 Virgin Mary. 0.99
02:30:58.000 Yeah, on his chest.
02:30:59.000 Guadalupe, that's right.
02:31:00.000 Virgin of Guadalupe on his chest.
02:31:02.000 He was a great warrior. 1.00
02:31:03.000 He was a bad motherfucker. 1.00
02:31:03.000 He was. 1.00
02:31:04.000 He died.
02:31:04.000 That was awesome.
02:31:05.000 Yeah.
02:31:05.000 All right.
02:31:06.000 Colin Quinn, you're the best.
02:31:07.000 I appreciate you, brother.
02:31:08.000 Thank you so much.
02:31:09.000 Thank you.
02:31:09.000 As soon as Austin Comedy Club opens up, you're in.
02:31:12.000 Yes.
02:31:12.000 Goodbye, everybody.
02:31:14.000 See ya!