The Joe Rogan Experience - February 05, 2021


Joe Rogan Experience #1607 - Fahim Anwar

Topics
dance air tracks backflips pillow night fashion risks united states of Al show Y Crew dance Jam in the Van shows podcasts worst sets → best watches czar of truth comedy in the glass salary compression love stand-up comedy meritocracy podcasting elevated stand-up trolls falling dreams call of the void perceptions in Hollywood dressing up like a cowgirl
Hosted by
Joe Rogan
Guests
Fahim Anwar
Mentioned
Dave Chappelle Lenny Clark Neil Patrick Harris Comedy Store Johnny Depp Jamie Joe Rogan Questions Lance Stampinopoulos Charlie Sheen Joey Diaz Austin Tony Hinchcliffe Chuck Liddell Andy Gordon Marky Mark Bill Barr Muay Thai Bobby Lee Michael Jackson Andrew Schultz and 130 more
Joe Rogan Experience #1606 - Ali Siddiq Joe Rogan Experience #1609 - Elon Musk

Episode Stats


Length

3 hours and 40 minutes

Words per minute

188.28

Word count

41,603

Sentence count

5,123

Harmful content

Misogyny

94

sentences flagged

Toxicity

876

sentences flagged

Hate speech

69

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode of The Joe Rogan Experience, I am joined by my good friend and fellow comedian, Will, and we talk about a variety of topics. We talk about how we met, how we became friends, and what it's like to be a comedian in the big city of New York. We also talk about the time Will accidentally thought it was him in a longboarding video, and how it turned out it wasn't him at all. I hope you enjoy this episode, it's a fun, light hearted conversation with a good friend of mine, and I hope it makes you laugh a lot! -Joe Rogan Podcast by day, Joe Rogans Experience by night, all day. Check it out! -Dancing on the board by night. -The Dance Hour by night by day - The Dance Hour, The Dance hour by night -I don't know who made this, but I think it's pretty good. -Who made it? -Who's the artist? Who's the creator of this song and what kind of music is it about? What kind of dance moves does it have? Can you dance to it?? -What kind of dancing moves does she have?? Can she dance to this song by me? Have a question? or would you like to dance to a song about this song or a story about this or something similar? I'd love to know who you'd like to see me dance to that song? Thanks for listening and/or any other music related to this or any other stuff you're listening to this? ? Tweet me or send me a question/thing that you like it! I'll answer it in the next episode! ;) Timestamps: and I'll do my best to you guys have a question about the song or story about it :) Thank you! <3 -Dance Hour by day -TikTokTokTok TokTok by night! Timeless by night -DANCE MODE by night: -Bustin Moves by Nightlife by Night Podcast by Nightingale by Nightly Podcast by Day by Night, All Day, by Night - by Night Night by Night by Day, All by Night by Day - By Night, By Night - By Day, By Day - All Day by Day (By Night, all Day,

Transcript

Transcripts from "The Joe Rogan Experience" are sourced from the Knowledge Fight Interactive Search Tool. Explore them interactively here.
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
Topics generated with Qwen2.5-3B-Instruct.
Hosts, guests, and mentioned names generated with spaCy (en_core_web_sm), reconciled against Wikidata.
00:00:01.000 Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out!
00:00:04.000 The Joe Rogan Experience.
00:00:06.000 Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day!
00:00:14.000 What did you say your podcast was?
00:00:16.000 Oh, the He-Manual Dance Hour?
00:00:18.000 Oh, the Dance Hour.
00:00:19.000 The Dance Hour, man.
00:00:20.000 Why is it the Dance Hour?
00:00:21.000 It's a loose term.
00:00:23.000 Like, it's a comedy podcast, but I kind of have a feel...
00:00:25.000 I love dance music and, like, dancing.
00:00:27.000 Remember I accidentally posted that thing because I really thought it was you?
00:00:30.000 Yeah, yeah. 0.99
00:00:30.000 I was like, damn, the game can fucking move. 0.99
00:00:32.000 That was the longboarding video. 0.99
00:00:34.000 Yeah, the guy on the board.
00:00:35.000 Yeah, dancing.
00:00:35.000 Who's dancing on the board.
00:00:37.000 I thought someone...
00:00:38.000 Sometimes people...
00:00:39.000 This thing will happen on Instagram where people keep on sending me pictures or videos of people who kind of look like me.
00:00:45.000 That guy kind of looked like you.
00:00:46.000 Yeah, but I... I thought it was you.
00:00:47.000 Okay.
00:00:48.000 Well, I just thought it was so funny.
00:00:49.000 I go, is there anything I can't do?
00:00:51.000 And I posted it on my Instagram.
00:00:53.000 And it's this guy, like, his name is Lotif for, we became friends because you did this.
00:00:57.000 Oh, that's hilarious.
00:00:58.000 Just via Instagram.
00:00:59.000 And it's this guy, I think he's in France, and he's just killing it on a longboard.
00:01:04.000 Go to his page, he's amazing.
00:01:05.000 I thought you could do that.
00:01:05.000 Because you could dance so well.
00:01:07.000 I thought you could do that too.
00:01:08.000 Well, it's flattering.
00:01:09.000 It's my real confidence in you.
00:01:10.000 For you to be like, just throwing a longboard?
00:01:11.000 Yeah, this guy right here.
00:01:11.000 Yeah, he's great.
00:01:14.000 So I posted that, or one of these, and I go, is there anything I can't do?
00:01:18.000 That's not that one, because I would be like, well, that's not Fahim.
00:01:22.000 That's the guy. 0.99
00:01:22.000 Look at him, handsome bastard. 0.99
00:01:24.000 Look at him out there, longboarding. 0.99
00:01:27.000 That is a skill that is very impressive, but highly impractical.
00:01:33.000 It's working for him, man.
00:01:34.000 Yeah, very impressive to learn how to do that.
00:01:38.000 But I remember I posted it, and then I go about my day at my house, and then I check my Instagram, and I'm getting all these followers and shit, and I don't know why.
00:01:47.000 I go, what?
00:01:48.000 So I have to reverse engineer what's going on.
00:01:50.000 And then I look at yours.
00:01:52.000 I was tagged by Joe Rogan.
00:01:53.000 I look at it, and my heart sank.
00:01:55.000 I go, oh, no!
00:01:58.000 Because I felt bad. 0.86
00:02:00.000 Like I'm getting all this stuff from something, just like a dumb joke with my friends on Insta.
00:02:04.000 I never think I tagged that guy.
00:02:05.000 No.
00:02:05.000 No, you did after, because I texted you.
00:02:07.000 Oh, I did.
00:02:08.000 Did I tag him?
00:02:08.000 I go, no!
00:02:09.000 Dude!
00:02:10.000 I said it's not you, but did I definitely tag the guy as well?
00:02:12.000 Eventually, once we cleared it up.
00:02:13.000 Okay, okay, okay.
00:02:14.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:02:15.000 And then I go, that was a joke.
00:02:16.000 And then you did give him credit.
00:02:18.000 You know what's the worst? 0.99
00:02:18.000 When someone sends you a really funny meme and you're like, fuck, I don't know who made this. 0.99
00:02:22.000 I need to find who made this. 0.74
00:02:24.000 Because I want to put it up, but I don't want to not have that person get credit for it.
00:02:30.000 That's the trouble with meme comedy.
00:02:32.000 It's almost like Linux.
00:02:34.000 It's open source.
00:02:35.000 Yes.
00:02:36.000 Sort of.
00:02:37.000 Here he is.
00:02:38.000 Yeah, this is the one.
00:02:39.000 I thought this was you.
00:02:40.000 I thought it was you, dude.
00:02:43.000 With the shirt open? 0.95
00:02:45.000 So, I didn't fucking tag the guy. 0.92
00:02:48.000 You didn't? 0.95
00:02:49.000 No, dude.
00:02:49.000 I did not tag that guy.
00:02:51.000 Oh, fuck. 1.00
00:02:52.000 I said whoever the fuck he is. 1.00
00:02:53.000 Well, tell him now. 1.00
00:02:54.000 Yeah.
00:02:55.000 Well, now we know.
00:02:56.000 I thought that was you.
00:02:57.000 I'm looking at this. 0.98
00:02:58.000 I'm like, damn, look at Vaheem go. 0.97
00:02:59.000 I guess I just thought it was so beyond my skill set that people would know that it's not me. 0.97
00:03:04.000 Well, I don't know what your skill set is. 0.99
00:03:05.000 There's a lot of people that can do wild shit that you don't know. 0.98
00:03:08.000 A lot of comics are good at other stuff, and you don't know about it until you get close to them. 0.99
00:03:14.000 You're like, what?
00:03:14.000 You can do that?
00:03:15.000 Yeah.
00:03:16.000 There's a lady that I posted on my Instagram. 0.98
00:03:19.000 I didn't know it was her.
00:03:20.000 I think I posted it.
00:03:22.000 I think it was Willie D posted it and I reposted it.
00:03:27.000 Marie underscore Bustin Moves is her Instagram.
00:03:33.000 Find that.
00:03:34.000 And she does this dance to Chubb Rock. 1.00
00:03:38.000 I think she probably put it on TikTok too, but she puts it on Instagram.
00:03:42.000 It's her and her daughters.
00:03:43.000 You can't play the music, huh?
00:03:45.000 It's too bad. 0.99
00:03:46.000 But she's really fucking talented. 0.99
00:03:49.000 And apparently she runs a dance studio. 0.99
00:03:52.000 And she teaches dance.
00:03:56.000 And she's been doing that since 2009 or something like that.
00:04:02.000 But she's really good.
00:04:04.000 But it's her and her daughters.
00:04:05.000 But it's better if you hear the music because she's doing it to an old-school Chub Rock song.
00:04:10.000 Yeah.
00:04:10.000 It's really great.
00:04:11.000 But look how talented she is. 1.00
00:04:12.000 She's great.
00:04:13.000 Yeah.
00:04:14.000 I think social media has brought dancing back.
00:04:16.000 I love it. 0.99
00:04:16.000 Oh, fuck yeah. 0.99
00:04:17.000 It definitely has. 0.99
00:04:18.000 I mean, I can't dance, but I like watching it.
00:04:20.000 I was dancing on YouTube pre-TikTok.
00:04:22.000 Were you really?
00:04:23.000 I'm like a pioneer.
00:04:24.000 Wow.
00:04:25.000 I needed more than a minute.
00:04:26.000 A minute's too constricting.
00:04:28.000 I understand.
00:04:29.000 Yeah, I need to let it breathe.
00:04:31.000 It's cool to watch.
00:04:32.000 It's just I look at dance and I go, should I learn how to do that?
00:04:35.000 Like, I can't.
00:04:36.000 I can't.
00:04:36.000 No more things.
00:04:37.000 You have respect for it.
00:04:38.000 It's funny because I remember I was walking up to do my set at the comedy store and you're in the parking lot and you're like, oh yeah, you could dance, man.
00:04:45.000 I didn't think you would talk about it or even register with you.
00:04:49.000 But I'm like, oh yeah, you said I was flexible or something.
00:04:52.000 I go, I'm not that flexible.
00:04:54.000 You go, no, but you have like a body controller.
00:04:55.000 You just had an affinity for dance that I didn't think you would have.
00:04:59.000 Yeah.
00:04:59.000 Because you're in martial arts and I feel like, look, I'm not some world-class dancer.
00:05:03.000 I'm just a hobbyist.
00:05:04.000 I grew up loving Michael Jackson and like recording all his music videos, his concert footage, slowing it down.
00:05:11.000 I learned how to dance VHS. Yeah.
00:05:15.000 And...
00:05:15.000 There you go.
00:05:16.000 Nah, this is bad.
00:05:17.000 This is, like, from my apartment a lot.
00:05:18.000 This is so bad.
00:05:20.000 It's so bad.
00:05:21.000 Now I get it, like, when you go on Tonight Show and they pull up a commercial.
00:05:24.000 Oh, no! 0.99
00:05:25.000 Yeah, I'll do some shit on Instagram every now and then. 0.99
00:05:29.000 But, yeah, I just remember you saying, like, no, you're flexible or you have, like, good body control. 0.98
00:05:34.000 Great body control, yeah.
00:05:35.000 I am a fan of movement. 0.97
00:05:37.000 Anytime someone can do something cool, because I know how hard it is to do cool shit with your body. 0.84
00:05:41.000 You know, it's hard. 0.94
00:05:42.000 It's hard to do.
00:05:43.000 You know, my first acting thing, like I was still working at Boeing at the time, and I was auditioning for stuff.
00:05:48.000 I booked this role on Chuck.
00:05:49.000 Remember that show Chuck on NBC? Yeah, I remember Chuck, yeah.
00:05:52.000 So I took a leave of absence to like film it, and there was an action scene in it.
00:05:57.000 So there was a stunt coordinator, and I had to learn these like karate moves or like movie karate moves.
00:06:03.000 And the guy was like, do you fight?
00:06:06.000 And I go, no.
00:06:07.000 He's like, do you dance?
00:06:09.000 And I go, ah, kind of.
00:06:10.000 And he goes, yeah, because you pick up the moves faster than regular people.
00:06:14.000 Well, that was Patrick Swayze.
00:06:16.000 Patrick Swayze was a really good dancer.
00:06:18.000 And so when he did Roadhouse, they basically taught him some martial arts moves to be like this badass karate fighter. 1.00
00:06:26.000 But meanwhile, the karate was dog shit. 1.00
00:06:29.000 It was terrible. 0.99
00:06:30.000 Like, I was not impressed with karate at all.
00:06:32.000 It was beautiful karate. 0.99
00:06:33.000 But his dance, if you watch him in Dirty Dancing, you're like, this guy can fucking move. 0.99
00:06:37.000 Dancing is hard. 0.98
00:06:38.000 I did a scene in Zookeeper where I had to learn dancing.
00:06:44.000 And me and Leslie Bibb.
00:06:45.000 Do you know who Leslie Bibb is?
00:06:47.000 If I saw her, probably.
00:06:48.000 The hot chick in Talladega Nights.
00:06:49.000 Ah, okay.
00:06:50.000 She played my ex-girlfriend and Kevin James' current girlfriend, and I was trying to steal her back.
00:06:56.000 Or they were separated, and I was trying to win her back.
00:06:59.000 And so at this wedding, her and I did this super elaborate dance.
00:07:05.000 So we had to practice for two weeks.
00:07:08.000 We had to take dance lessons. 0.99
00:07:09.000 It's fucking hard. 0.98
00:07:11.000 So any illusions that I ever had about going on Dancing with the Stars- It's gone. 0.98
00:07:16.000 Well, that and talking to Chuck Liddell about it. 0.97
00:07:18.000 Because Chuck Liddell, who's UFC light heavyweight champion, one of the baddest motherfuckers that ever walked the face of the earth, right? 0.95
00:07:23.000 Chuck Liddell's like, it's the hardest thing I've ever done. 0.98
00:07:26.000 That's how he said it. 0.97
00:07:26.000 It's the fucking hardest thing I've ever done. 0.97
00:07:28.000 He goes, dude, it's fucking hard. 0.99
00:07:29.000 It's hard. 0.99
00:07:30.000 He goes, you gotta practice every day. 0.99
00:07:32.000 It sucks. 0.97
00:07:33.000 Well, because it's... 0.99
00:07:33.000 I mean, there are parallels, though, between fighting and dancing. 0.99
00:07:36.000 I think movement is movement.
00:07:38.000 Yes.
00:07:38.000 Like, you're moving your body.
00:07:40.000 Yes, yes.
00:07:40.000 Just there's a timing element with music.
00:07:43.000 Mm-hmm.
00:07:44.000 Like, I don't think I'm...
00:07:45.000 Body control.
00:07:45.000 Body control.
00:07:46.000 Yeah.
00:07:47.000 Like, I don't think I'm the best dancer in the world, but I think, like, I feel it.
00:07:50.000 I can tell when I watch dancers who can, like, really feel it and lose themselves in the music versus, you know, you see pop stars and stuff, like Bieber or something, like No Shade, but it looks like a guy...
00:08:03.000 No Shade?
00:08:04.000 No Shade.
00:08:04.000 A little bit Shade?
00:08:05.000 No, I mean, to illustrate a point, maybe a little bit of shadow.
00:08:10.000 You could tell some of these pop people are just learning moves and they are regurgitating these moves.
00:08:17.000 They're not like...
00:08:17.000 Justin Timberlake, who can dance.
00:08:20.000 He can dance, yeah, but like Michael Jackson is precise and it's almost spiritual.
00:08:26.000 Yes.
00:08:26.000 No, I completely agree.
00:08:28.000 Michael Jackson could do things that would make you excited if you didn't give a fuck about dance. 0.98
00:08:34.000 He was so good when he would move. 0.96
00:08:37.000 The precision is what it is, right?
00:08:39.000 Even just flicking a wrist.
00:08:41.000 People could do backflips and all this shit, and it's great, but Michael could just do something with his feet and his index finger, and it's amazing.
00:08:49.000 There was a thing that is a part of martial arts. 0.92
00:08:52.000 They would call it kata, and I really forget what it's called in Taekwondo, even though I'm black from Taekwondo.
00:08:59.000 I really don't remember what it's called.
00:09:01.000 Oh, poomsae. 1.00
00:09:02.000 It's the same kind of thing like kata.
00:09:04.000 It's like you're doing forms.
00:09:06.000 And these forms, like these predetermined patterns, you know, you step forward, block, step forward, punch.
00:09:13.000 Like there's a simple one that you learn when you're a white belt. 0.96
00:09:16.000 And then you move up to really complex ones when you're a black belt. 0.98
00:09:19.000 And when I was fighting, I used to think they were foolish. 0.97
00:09:22.000 I thought that was a total waste of time. 0.92
00:09:24.000 I'm like, why do I have to learn these forms to get a black belt?
00:09:27.000 I know how to fight.
00:09:29.000 I know how to use the techniques.
00:09:31.000 I can show you that my kicking and my punching and my timing and everything is very proficient.
00:09:35.000 I'm very good at it.
00:09:36.000 Like, that's a black belt, not this form thing.
00:09:38.000 It wasn't until much later, as I was getting older in life, and I was like, oh, there's, like, importance in precision.
00:09:46.000 And there's a precision to those movements that actually does apply to fighting.
00:09:51.000 It doesn't apply directly, but it applies because you're learning precise body control.
00:09:56.000 Like, to kick in the air seems silly, right?
00:09:59.000 Because you should kick things.
00:10:00.000 But when you kick in the air, you have to hold your leg out.
00:10:05.000 You learn body control.
00:10:07.000 And through that, you can better kick things.
00:10:11.000 This is a Taekwondo form. 1.00
00:10:14.000 See, that kind of shit? 0.99
00:10:15.000 I used to be able to do that. 1.00
00:10:16.000 Now, I can't really kick like that anymore.
00:10:19.000 My flexibility is not as good anymore.
00:10:22.000 I can kind of kick some of the techniques I can still do. 0.95
00:10:26.000 But like, I used to be able to do that kind of shit like easy. 0.97
00:10:30.000 Like straight up splits right in the air. 0.99
00:10:32.000 But now, I'm just fucking... 0.98
00:10:34.000 I became more of an ape as I got older. 0.96
00:10:37.000 So does it kind of show you what the movements are like in a perfect world with no resistance or...
00:10:43.000 It shows you body control because none of these things are applicable, really.
00:10:47.000 There's some times you would use those blocks, but like you'd never throw a sidekick straight up in the air like that.
00:10:52.000 It's really just to show body control.
00:10:53.000 What if he did this in front of a bully? 1.00
00:10:55.000 Then he goes, oh, fuck this shit. 1.00
00:10:57.000 This guy's got such body control. 1.00
00:10:58.000 I'm out. 1.00
00:10:58.000 Fucking grab you and pile drive you. 1.00
00:11:00.000 He goes, that looked nice. 0.99
00:11:02.000 Yeah, there's you know, there's there's aspects of that though learning how to move your body like that if you can learn how to move your body like that like the best people to start in jujitsu are gymnasts and break dancers other than wrestlers yeah Wrestlers are number one,
00:11:20.000 because wrestlers, they already understand how to control people's bodies. 0.99
00:11:23.000 But gymnasts and breakdancers, breakdancers in particular, are fucking amazing when they transition to jiu-jitsu. 0.95
00:11:30.000 I've rolled with some breakdancers, and first of all, they're like a small guy. 0.99
00:11:34.000 You can't believe how goddamn strong they are. 0.98
00:11:36.000 It's like holding onto a chimp. 0.99
00:11:37.000 Because they're used to like bouncing around in one hand.
00:11:40.000 It's all like plyometrics.
00:11:41.000 I'm obsessed.
00:11:42.000 Like they're all ripped.
00:11:43.000 I'm obsessed with breakdancing.
00:11:45.000 I got into breakdancing.
00:11:46.000 So first it was Michael Jackson was my entry into dance.
00:11:49.000 So I was always on my feet.
00:11:50.000 And then I got into middle school and high school.
00:11:53.000 And I loved breakdancing.
00:11:55.000 I was infatuated with it.
00:11:56.000 And I'd go to this website.
00:11:57.000 I would just try to learn.
00:11:58.000 But I was in Woodinville, Washington, which is like very white place. 0.94
00:12:02.000 If you learn breakdancing, you gotta be in Brooklyn.
00:12:05.000 It's a community-learned skill.
00:12:07.000 I'm trying to learn how to breakdance on Mars.
00:12:12.000 But I have the will to do it, and I'm the only one in my school who likes this stuff.
00:12:16.000 Are you learning it online?
00:12:17.000 Yeah, so I go to this website called Style2Oof.
00:12:20.000 This is before YouTube.
00:12:22.000 So I would go to this website called Style2Oof, and there was like a French portal and like an English portal.
00:12:28.000 I would go to the English one, and they would have all these breakdancing clips, and I would watch them, try to learn them.
00:12:34.000 And then, you remember the store Mr. Rags at the mall?
00:12:39.000 It was like a Zoomies or... 1.00
00:12:41.000 No.
00:12:41.000 Alright, so there's a store called Mr. Rags.
00:12:44.000 It's kind of like a hip-hop skate shop, kind of.
00:12:47.000 And they would have VHS copies, like breakdancing videos.
00:12:51.000 And I got Battle of the Year.
00:12:53.000 I split it with my cousins.
00:12:55.000 It was this yellow cassette.
00:12:56.000 It was called Battle of the Year.
00:12:57.000 It was this yellow VHS, and they had all the crews.
00:13:01.000 It's kind of like breakdancing Olympics.
00:13:02.000 They have crews from all over the world.
00:13:04.000 They have a US crew, a South Korea crew, and then South Korea ended up just killing everybody. 0.87
00:13:10.000 Really?
00:13:11.000 Yeah, they're like the Hyundai of breakdancing.
00:13:13.000 Really? 0.73
00:13:14.000 Everyone laughs at first, and then they just kill everyone.
00:13:16.000 They're like the best now.
00:13:17.000 South Korea's amazing at breakdancing.
00:13:19.000 No kidding.
00:13:20.000 Yeah.
00:13:21.000 Wow.
00:13:22.000 Well, there's a guy named B-Boy Pocket Kim.
00:13:24.000 Do you know him?
00:13:25.000 Mm-hmm.
00:13:25.000 I don't know if I do.
00:13:26.000 Because I just wasn't good at it and I would hurt myself.
00:13:30.000 This guy, I've featured him on this podcast multiple times because he's on Stance Elements all the time.
00:13:36.000 He does things you can't even believe a person can do. 0.99
00:13:39.000 Like Stance Elements even has a, on their Instagram page, has a video of me reviewing his shit because it's so preposterous. 0.99
00:13:48.000 Yeah. 0.98
00:13:48.000 Because he can do things that you like. 0.98
00:13:50.000 I didn't think a person could do that.
00:13:52.000 I didn't think a person could move that way on their hands.
00:13:55.000 He spins around on his hands in a way, like, if you had to imagine, if you didn't know about breakdancing, what do you think a person could do standing on their hands?
00:14:02.000 Well, I guess you could walk around a little bit. 1.00
00:14:05.000 This motherfucker can do shit on their hands that most people can't do on their feet. 1.00
00:14:10.000 Look at this. 1.00
00:14:10.000 Look at this guy. 1.00
00:14:11.000 That's what drew me to breakdancing.
00:14:12.000 I saw videos and I'm, like, blown away. 0.99
00:14:15.000 I go, what the fuck? 0.99
00:14:16.000 I'm 90% sure he's Korean. 1.00
00:14:19.000 The thing is, these power moves are common now. 0.95
00:14:23.000 What's crazy is established break dancers are like, oh, that's like a dick joke or something. 0.95
00:14:28.000 No, no, no one thinks this is a dick joke. 0.99
00:14:29.000 This is fucking outstanding. 0.99
00:14:31.000 No, I guarantee you there's like hipster or elitist break dancers who look at just power moves like this and they go, no, he's all power, no style. 0.99
00:14:38.000 I don't think so, man.
00:14:39.000 He's one of the best.
00:14:40.000 For some.
00:14:40.000 No, no, no.
00:14:41.000 You're talking crazy now. 0.99
00:14:43.000 That's like saying, oh, Dustin Poirier, all he does is punch people in the face. 0.93
00:14:47.000 Oh, those are air tracks.
00:14:49.000 I know, he does air tracks.
00:14:51.000 I would love to be able to do this.
00:14:52.000 Imagine doing this!
00:14:55.000 Imagine trying to learn that on your own.
00:14:57.000 I don't know.
00:14:58.000 So, how did you practice?
00:15:00.000 Did you practice on pads?
00:15:02.000 Yeah, so, again, I was the only person who cared about this, so I worked out.
00:15:06.000 I asked the gym teacher, I go, can I just practice on the wrestling mats after school?
00:15:11.000 And then I found this other kid who's into it, this Mexican kid.
00:15:15.000 Did you form a club?
00:15:16.000 Kind of.
00:15:17.000 It was just me and him.
00:15:18.000 It was an unofficial club.
00:15:20.000 No one really knew about it, and so we would practice on a wrestling mat, because it's softer than hardwoods, because you'll bang your knees up in your elbows if you don't know what you're doing up top.
00:15:30.000 Is it harder to hold a stand?
00:15:32.000 Because it mushes in a little bit, right? 0.99
00:15:35.000 Yeah, but we were trying to learn windmills and air tracks and crazy shit. 0.96
00:15:40.000 But I learned how to do a backflip off a wall in my time. 0.82
00:15:44.000 You could do that?
00:15:44.000 Yeah.
00:15:45.000 You could run up a wall and backflip?
00:15:47.000 Whoa.
00:15:47.000 And just a standing backflip and then a round-off to backflip.
00:15:50.000 These are so long ago, I dare not try it because the risk-to-reward ratio.
00:15:55.000 I don't know if I can still do it.
00:15:56.000 And I don't want to find out.
00:15:58.000 Yeah, you don't want to break any of that.
00:15:59.000 Yeah.
00:16:00.000 How old are you now?
00:16:01.000 36. Shit breaks easier when you're 36. Yeah, what's the point? 1.00
00:16:03.000 Yeah.
00:16:04.000 I'm alright.
00:16:05.000 I don't need to know that bad.
00:16:07.000 Yeah.
00:16:08.000 No bueno when you fall wrong from a backflip and break your ankle and then you're walking around.
00:16:13.000 Why are you paralyzed?
00:16:14.000 I just wanted to see if I could still backflip.
00:16:17.000 Turns out I can't.
00:16:18.000 And I go...
00:16:19.000 It's again, it's like...
00:16:20.000 I mean, it's not a useless skill, right?
00:16:23.000 Because it's cool to watch.
00:16:25.000 But...
00:16:26.000 I think it's coolness diminishes as you graduate high school.
00:16:32.000 Dancing and stuff is...
00:16:33.000 That's what I noticed.
00:16:34.000 Why is it so cool to me?
00:16:36.000 Well, you're watching...
00:16:38.000 Okay, you're talking about professionals.
00:16:39.000 This is like top 1% you're watching.
00:16:41.000 And that's fascinating to anyone of all ages.
00:16:43.000 Right.
00:16:44.000 But I think everyone has this relationship with school dances and going in the circle and stuff like that.
00:16:50.000 It actually is a social currency when you're younger.
00:16:53.000 You know who else can dance?
00:16:55.000 Who?
00:16:55.000 Adam Hunter.
00:16:56.000 Oh, really?
00:16:57.000 Really good.
00:16:58.000 Oh, I didn't know that.
00:16:58.000 Yeah, go to Adam Hunter.
00:17:00.000 I think Adam Hunter, comedian.
00:17:01.000 He danced at his wedding. 0.99
00:17:03.000 And he put it up on Instagram, and I was like, holy shit, Adam Hunter can fucking move. 1.00
00:17:07.000 Like, really? 0.99
00:17:08.000 He's a wrestler, too.
00:17:09.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:17:10.000 Also, good body control.
00:17:11.000 There you go.
00:17:12.000 Coach is wrestling as well.
00:17:14.000 But his body control is excellent.
00:17:16.000 I feel like if you...
00:17:17.000 Like, that's what I was impressed by when I was watching your videos.
00:17:20.000 I'm like, oh, Fahim knows how to move his body.
00:17:22.000 Like, I'm impressed with...
00:17:25.000 Gymnastics, I'm impressed with anything where I know you had to put a lot of time into it.
00:17:32.000 Yeah.
00:17:33.000 Even if I'm not interested in that thing, I'm impressed with your dedication to it.
00:17:36.000 Well, I'm just a hobbyist.
00:17:37.000 And also I've noticed, sometimes I hear a song I like and I just want to dance to it, I'll throw it up just because people seem to like it, some of my fans, and it's fun to do.
00:17:47.000 I don't claim to be the best dancer in the world, but I've noticed it's kind of like a Rorschach test for people.
00:17:52.000 Some people think it's the fucking best thing in the world, and some people are like, this is Napoleon Dynamite! 0.99
00:17:57.000 This guy sucks! 0.99
00:17:59.000 I'm not claiming to be the best guy in the world. 1.00
00:18:01.000 I'm just doing something that makes me happy. 0.97
00:18:02.000 Well, some people are just always looking for something that sucks. 1.00
00:18:06.000 That's what they're like, that fucking sucks! 1.00
00:18:08.000 What fucking sucks? 1.00
00:18:09.000 What sucks? 1.00
00:18:10.000 What sucks? 1.00
00:18:10.000 Oh, that fucking sucks! 1.00
00:18:12.000 What do you like? 1.00
00:18:14.000 I don't like you asking me. 0.99
00:18:15.000 I see a lot of things that suck, but I'm always looking for shit that's cool. 1.00
00:18:19.000 Along the way, you're going to find some things that suck. 1.00
00:18:22.000 Yeah, keep it to myself. 0.96
00:18:23.000 I don't keep it to myself.
00:18:24.000 Really?
00:18:24.000 No, no.
00:18:25.000 I talk a lot of shit. 1.00
00:18:26.000 You have burner accounts? 1.00
00:18:27.000 Joe Rogan has burner accounts?
00:18:29.000 I don't post on things.
00:18:30.000 I talk on the podcast, mostly.
00:18:32.000 Yeah. 0.98
00:18:32.000 I feel like talking shit on the podcast, at least you know I'm joking around. 0.98
00:18:35.000 Sure, yeah. 0.99
00:18:36.000 Just read the written word.
00:18:37.000 It can get confusing.
00:18:40.000 Intention.
00:18:40.000 It gets stripped.
00:18:41.000 That's a good way to...
00:18:42.000 I feel very, uh, very established.
00:18:45.000 You are. 0.97
00:18:46.000 Bro, you're a fucking top comedian and you're on the number one podcast on Twitter. 1.00
00:18:50.000 Bro! 0.99
00:18:50.000 And we're smoking cigars and drinking scotch. 0.99
00:18:52.000 This is, uh, I was telling you earlier before, we were only quite the welcome, man.
00:18:56.000 I just got here.
00:18:57.000 Welcome to Texas.
00:18:58.000 What a way to thank you.
00:18:59.000 He's one of the early soldiers arriving, moving.
00:19:02.000 I feel like I told you some things you can't tell outside about what's happening here, but we got plans, my friend.
00:19:10.000 Yeah, people are hitting me up.
00:19:11.000 It's interesting.
00:19:12.000 We're moving in the right direction.
00:19:14.000 Segura's already here.
00:19:15.000 Oh, he's already here?
00:19:15.000 Well, he bought a house.
00:19:16.000 Oh.
00:19:17.000 Yeah, he's healing from his leg and his arm from that horrific fall.
00:19:21.000 Yeah, I can't watch it.
00:19:23.000 I know what happened.
00:19:23.000 I just don't want to watch the video.
00:19:25.000 I've watched it a hundred times.
00:19:26.000 I can't stand stuff like that.
00:19:27.000 I don't like it, but, you know, it's a good lesson for people that your body is very fragile.
00:19:33.000 Like, when you, especially if you're overweight, like, be real careful with super-athletic explosive moves, because you put tremendous strain in your joints, you know, and his knee just went...
00:19:44.000 That's why I don't backflip.
00:19:47.000 He was just dunking on a 9-foot rim.
00:19:49.000 Can he dunk on a...
00:19:50.000 Yeah.
00:19:51.000 He can dunk.
00:19:51.000 Tom's a very strong guy.
00:19:53.000 Very athletic guy.
00:19:54.000 He played football.
00:19:54.000 I saw some old fellas and stuff.
00:19:55.000 Yep.
00:19:56.000 He's very athletic.
00:19:57.000 Yeah.
00:19:58.000 He's...
00:19:58.000 You know, he learned how to box a little, too.
00:20:01.000 Oh, is this it?
00:20:02.000 This is the successful dunk on the 9-foot.
00:20:04.000 Oh, yeah.
00:20:05.000 I didn't know he had that in him.
00:20:06.000 Hashtag dunk champ.
00:20:07.000 9-foot.
00:20:08.000 But can he dunk on a 10-foot?
00:20:10.000 No, no, no, no, no.
00:20:10.000 No.
00:20:11.000 That's what happened is they went for the 9-3.
00:20:13.000 They tried to go up.
00:20:15.000 Oh, that's it?
00:20:16.000 Okay, don't show anymore.
00:20:18.000 Don't show anymore.
00:20:18.000 Yeah, I can't.
00:20:19.000 I'm gonna borrow from the pond.
00:20:20.000 Good.
00:20:20.000 I think I've seen enough.
00:20:21.000 It makes my arm hurt.
00:20:23.000 I can see his arm break and I'm like, aye!
00:20:25.000 Aye!
00:20:26.000 Have you ever broken anything?
00:20:28.000 Eh, like fractured my wrist a long time ago.
00:20:31.000 Backflipping?
00:20:31.000 What were you doing?
00:20:32.000 Nah, I jumped.
00:20:34.000 We had this thing called pillow night at my friend's house.
00:20:38.000 You like how we delve into the story, like it's going to be quite the yarn?
00:20:41.000 We had a thing called Pillow Night.
00:20:43.000 Like, everybody in America, right?
00:20:44.000 Oh, please, why bust out the Calibri? 0.90
00:20:49.000 This is just good audio.
00:20:51.000 It is, right?
00:20:52.000 This is just good ASMR. Shout out to Foundation Cigars for hooking us up.
00:20:57.000 Thank you.
00:20:57.000 I appreciate it.
00:20:58.000 Yeah, pillow night.
00:20:59.000 We would gather all the pillows from the sofas and just everywhere around the house and put it on a mound and then put a bed sheet over it.
00:21:07.000 And then you know some houses have stairs that wrap around and there's like a little ledge here where you can...
00:21:13.000 So we would jump off of that.
00:21:14.000 Oh no.
00:21:15.000 We're kids.
00:21:16.000 How old were you?
00:21:17.000 Like 13 or something.
00:21:18.000 Where are the parents?
00:21:19.000 I think they might have been there.
00:21:20.000 This is probably bad parenting.
00:21:22.000 So...
00:21:24.000 But they were such cool parents, I didn't want to throw them under the bus.
00:21:27.000 Cool parents get kids with broken legs.
00:21:29.000 Yeah, so I think they were okay with us doing pillow night.
00:21:32.000 So we were having a great time, and then one time when I went off, I think my hand went through all of the pillows, all the cracks, and it just hit the ground.
00:21:42.000 And I was like, like I was hurting.
00:21:45.000 That sounded like Tom.
00:21:46.000 Oh, really?
00:21:47.000 Have you ever heard Tom's noises he was making?
00:21:49.000 So I guess it's a human, it's a biological response.
00:21:52.000 Ugh! 0.97
00:21:53.000 And then I go, put the blanket over me!
00:21:55.000 I just wanted it to be dark.
00:21:58.000 Just because it was weird.
00:22:00.000 Yeah, I've never had this.
00:22:01.000 I go, put the blanket over me!
00:22:03.000 Don't call my mom! 0.84
00:22:05.000 Put the blanket over me! 0.76
00:22:07.000 The darkness will heal me.
00:22:09.000 Yeah, just it felt cool.
00:22:10.000 It felt cool and healing.
00:22:12.000 And then once I could process the pain, I was fine.
00:22:16.000 And then the parents were kind of freaking out.
00:22:17.000 Oh my god.
00:22:18.000 Did they know your arm was broken?
00:22:20.000 I don't know if they knew something was up.
00:22:23.000 And then I covered for them.
00:22:25.000 I hurt my wrist playing soccer.
00:22:29.000 And then years later, I told my parents the truth, and it was fine.
00:22:32.000 So you never got it fixed?
00:22:33.000 It healed.
00:22:34.000 It was like a fracture.
00:22:35.000 It wasn't a clean break.
00:22:36.000 So I got it in a splint.
00:22:38.000 Yeah, I got an x-ray.
00:22:39.000 And where was it fractured?
00:22:42.000 I forget, but I went a week or two with a hairline fracture. 0.99
00:22:45.000 It hurt like shit. 0.98
00:22:46.000 It's so easy to break bones. 0.99
00:22:48.000 It's kind of shocking.
00:22:50.000 It's shocking how easy they break. 1.00
00:22:52.000 Does milk really help, or is that bullshit? 0.99
00:22:54.000 Yeah, it's calcium. 0.99
00:22:54.000 There's a little bit of calcium. 0.99
00:22:55.000 Calcium's a part of the bone.
00:22:57.000 It is funny how Milk has a PR team.
00:22:59.000 Yeah.
00:22:59.000 You see those commercials like, I'm Kevin Love, and Milk helps me perform.
00:23:03.000 I did a Milk commercial.
00:23:04.000 Really?
00:23:05.000 A long time ago?
00:23:06.000 Yeah, I did a print ad back in the day for chocolate milk.
00:23:08.000 Did you have the...
00:23:09.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:23:09.000 No, I think I was in a tank of chocolate milk, if I remember correctly.
00:23:14.000 I remember freezing my dick off, too. 0.99
00:23:16.000 I think it was really fucking cold. 0.99
00:23:18.000 I was in this tank of chocolate milk, and I think my hands, if I remember correctly, my hands were on the glass. 0.96
00:23:25.000 Oh, there it is. 0.99
00:23:26.000 Oh, shit. 1.00
00:23:26.000 So I'm in this tank of chocolate milk. 1.00
00:23:29.000 This is during the Fear Factor days.
00:23:31.000 Brooding.
00:23:31.000 What does it say underneath?
00:23:32.000 My only fear is like running out or something like that?
00:23:34.000 Got chocolate.
00:23:35.000 Yeah, my only fear is running out.
00:23:36.000 Got chocolate milk.
00:23:37.000 Are those your real hands or did they push it in post?
00:23:39.000 Those are my hands.
00:23:39.000 Oh, those are my hands.
00:23:40.000 Nice. 1.00
00:23:42.000 Yeah, they didn't give me some bitch-ass Donald Trump hands. 1.00
00:23:47.000 That's one of the funniest things. 0.99
00:23:49.000 Everybody on the left is like, don't body shame.
00:23:51.000 Don't body shame, ever.
00:23:53.000 Look at his hands.
00:23:53.000 It's him.
00:23:54.000 Look at his hands. 1.00
00:23:56.000 I bet he's got a little dick. 1.00
00:23:57.000 Yay! 1.00
00:23:59.000 Yeah, I always found that fact.
00:24:00.000 Body shame!
00:24:01.000 I have a bit about that, like how guys get vilified just for our biology.
00:24:06.000 You know, when we'll be like, he's short. 1.00
00:24:08.000 He had a little dick. 1.00
00:24:10.000 And I go, for preaching all this body positivity, you sure shit on this a lot. 1.00
00:24:14.000 Like, he had a fucking tiny little dick. 1.00
00:24:16.000 We come in all shapes and sizes. 1.00
00:24:18.000 You're beautiful, ladies. 1.00
00:24:19.000 Body positivity, unless you have a little dick. 1.00
00:24:22.000 That's gotta be the worst. 1.00
00:24:23.000 If you have a micropenis, That's gotta be literally the saddest thing because there's not a goddamn thing they could do about it. 0.98
00:24:30.000 They can fix your lips. 1.00
00:24:31.000 They can stuff things in your butt. 0.99
00:24:34.000 They can give you a hair transplant. 0.99
00:24:35.000 They can do a lot of stuff. 1.00
00:24:37.000 They can't do a goddamn thing for a little dick. 1.00
00:24:39.000 Someone needs to champion the cause. 1.00
00:24:41.000 Because if you have a micro dick, and some dudes have a micro dick, like a small part, not even a whole pinky, like a small part of the pinky. 1.00
00:24:50.000 You've seen, I'm sure. 0.99
00:24:51.000 I go, that's small?
00:24:51.000 You've looked.
00:24:52.000 No, not mine. 1.00
00:24:52.000 This is how we find out I have a micro dick. 1.00
00:24:54.000 I go, that's small? 1.00
00:24:55.000 No, it's fine.
00:24:56.000 It's fine.
00:24:57.000 It's fine.
00:24:57.000 Oh, okay.
00:24:59.000 This is better.
00:25:00.000 This finger's better.
00:25:01.000 Oh, I get it, yeah.
00:25:01.000 I don't have a pinky.
00:25:02.000 I've got a...
00:25:03.000 A ring finger?
00:25:04.000 I've got a...
00:25:05.000 What is that finger?
00:25:06.000 That's a ring finger, yeah.
00:25:07.000 But on the right hand, is it still a ring finger?
00:25:09.000 Ooh, that's a good point. 1.00
00:25:11.000 Fuck. 1.00
00:25:11.000 Like, if you have a wedding ring on your right hand... 1.00
00:25:16.000 Well, my friend, this guy, Jean-Jacques Machado, he was my jiu-jitsu instructor.
00:25:20.000 He was born with no fingers on his left hand.
00:25:22.000 So his wedding ring is on his right hand.
00:25:25.000 Obviously, he doesn't have fingers on his left hand.
00:25:29.000 So he has to have it on his right hand.
00:25:30.000 That's the only time it's acceptable. 1.00
00:25:32.000 But no one says shit about it, because he'll choke the fuck out of you. 1.00
00:25:36.000 He still has an arm. 0.99
00:25:37.000 But when I see a guy who has a wedding ring, like a ring like this, just on their right hand, I'm like, are you just really in the rings?
00:25:44.000 Are you not married?
00:25:45.000 Like, one day, I hope it'll be on this hand.
00:25:47.000 Yeah.
00:25:47.000 But for now, it's over here.
00:25:49.000 Like, some guys...
00:25:51.000 I mean, I just can't.
00:25:53.000 Like, accessory guys?
00:25:54.000 I've never been that guy with, like, the leather bracelets, the rings, the necklaces.
00:25:57.000 Beads.
00:25:58.000 Beads.
00:25:58.000 That's a stretch.
00:25:59.000 They just got all this shit on them. 1.00
00:26:01.000 And I don't... 1.00
00:26:02.000 I can never be that guy.
00:26:03.000 I just can't.
00:26:04.000 Or, like, a deep V? I can't.
00:26:05.000 A deep V-neck t-shirt? 0.98
00:26:07.000 Yeah, like a deep V and like having all these trinkets and shit. 0.94
00:26:09.000 How about like a Hawaiian shirt but way unbuttoned? 0.92
00:26:14.000 Like unbuttoned way down the navel. 1.00
00:26:16.000 Yeah, this is too ambitious.
00:26:18.000 I feel like I have to get famous enough before I take those type of fashion risks.
00:26:22.000 Yeah, you already have to be drunk all the time or on drugs.
00:26:24.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:26:25.000 You don't give a fuck. 1.00
00:26:25.000 Or like a fedora guy or hat guy. 1.00
00:26:27.000 A fedora guy.
00:26:28.000 Fedora's a...
00:26:29.000 that's a stretch.
00:26:30.000 I do wear them paperboy hats all the time.
00:26:32.000 That's alright.
00:26:32.000 I love those.
00:26:33.000 That's like Peaky Blinders.
00:26:34.000 You're good.
00:26:34.000 I love those.
00:26:35.000 I've always loved them.
00:26:35.000 Yeah, those are fine.
00:26:36.000 I like them.
00:26:36.000 I put them on.
00:26:37.000 I feel good.
00:26:37.000 They're wool.
00:26:38.000 They warm your head up a little bit.
00:26:39.000 It gets cold out.
00:26:42.000 I've always found, whenever I'm doing stand-up or traveling somewhere...
00:26:45.000 Oh, Schultz!
00:26:47.000 But that's because Schultz is in Miami.
00:26:49.000 I was going to say, so does Vacation give you...
00:26:51.000 Look at him, he's on vacation, he's doing a show down there. 1.00
00:26:54.000 He's like, fuck this winter. 1.00
00:26:55.000 I'd love that guy. 1.00
00:26:56.000 I'd love Schultz to death.
00:26:59.000 Oh, Akash is faking Coke.
00:27:01.000 They should do real Coke.
00:27:03.000 Maybe it is.
00:27:04.000 I don't think so.
00:27:05.000 I think it's fake.
00:27:05.000 They got real booze, I'm sure.
00:27:07.000 That's fake Coke.
00:27:09.000 Or whatever.
00:27:10.000 Yeah.
00:27:11.000 Don't you think we would do that if we were in New York?
00:27:14.000 Like, what if Spotify said, hey, Joe Rogan, we're going to double your salary, but you've got to move to New York.
00:27:18.000 Okay.
00:27:19.000 And then it's like, Jamie, you want to go to New York?
00:27:21.000 So we'll do it. 1.00
00:27:22.000 No, if we were in New York and then the winner came along and said, listen, bro, fuck this noise. 1.00
00:27:27.000 Fuck this black ice bullshit falling down stairs because you don't realize that your stairs are covered in ice. 1.00
00:27:33.000 Did you ever grow up in the East Coast? 1.00
00:27:35.000 Did you live there at all?
00:27:36.000 No, I've only bounced in to do stand-up a little bit and I've never spent enough time there.
00:27:39.000 I lived in Boston for a long time and I lived there when I had a paper route.
00:27:45.000 So I drove a car every day of the year.
00:27:48.000 365 days a year for many, many years.
00:27:51.000 So I was in snow all the time.
00:27:54.000 It gets tired.
00:27:55.000 It gets tired. 1.00
00:27:56.000 And these guys are like, fuck this. 1.00
00:27:58.000 Let's go to Miami. 1.00
00:27:58.000 And by the way, Schultz has been sending me messages. 1.00
00:28:01.000 He's like, dude, he goes, they look at you like you're the biggest pussy in the world if you wear a mask. 1.00
00:28:05.000 No one wears a mask. 1.00
00:28:07.000 So I sent him this video today of someone took up a grocery store in Florida.
00:28:11.000 No one has a mask.
00:28:12.000 Old people, young people. 1.00
00:28:14.000 No.
00:28:14.000 I saw one mask in the whole thing.
00:28:17.000 And everybody's laughing and yakking it up like there's no pandemic.
00:28:21.000 That's crazy.
00:28:22.000 I think even the perception of Texas, people have it wrong.
00:28:26.000 Because when I came here, you know, you have this idea of what it's like, because it's a little more open.
00:28:31.000 But you go into these places, you know, I went to Anton's to check out Kill Tony, and we went to a bar, like, afterwards...
00:28:38.000 Everyone's wearing masks.
00:28:39.000 They're playing by the rules.
00:28:41.000 Everyone's wearing masks. 0.99
00:28:41.000 I think there's this conception that no one's wearing masks and everyone has six shooters and shit. 0.99
00:28:45.000 This is Austin, though. 0.99
00:28:46.000 Austin is Texas light.
00:28:48.000 It's the perfect blend, in my opinion, because it's like a lot of really cool, open-minded people.
00:28:55.000 A lot of tech people are moving here.
00:28:57.000 A lot of creative people.
00:28:58.000 A lot of musicians.
00:28:59.000 Now, a lot of comedians, too.
00:29:01.000 And then you got on the outskirts.
00:29:03.000 The outskirts are guns.
00:29:05.000 The outskirts is all guns.
00:29:07.000 So we're in a bubble? 1.00
00:29:08.000 It's all guns and zebras and fucking tigers and giraffes and shit. 1.00
00:29:13.000 Yeah, if you just go to Plano, you're not going to see any masks. 1.00
00:29:17.000 People don't give a fuck. 0.99
00:29:18.000 There's a lot of places in Texas where they don't give a fuck about masks. 1.00
00:29:22.000 But also, I think their population is so sparse where maybe they can get away with it. 0.97
00:29:26.000 Like, LA is just so densely populated.
00:29:29.000 There's a little bit of that.
00:29:30.000 Yeah, there's a little bit of that.
00:29:31.000 Anytime there's a real...
00:29:32.000 any kind of...
00:29:34.000 Real problem.
00:29:35.000 You don't want to be in a highly populated...
00:29:37.000 I used to think about...
00:29:37.000 That's why I built an apocalypse truck.
00:29:39.000 It's one of the reasons why I built...
00:29:41.000 I built this truck with a giant gas tank and this 95 Toyota Land Cruiser.
00:29:45.000 You have it?
00:29:46.000 Yeah, yeah. 0.99
00:29:46.000 I built it saying, okay, if some shit goes down... 0.99
00:29:49.000 First of all, I just think they're cool. 0.97
00:29:51.000 I've always wanted a 95 Land Cruiser.
00:29:53.000 It's like the last year where they had two solid axles, front and rear live axles, like these big, thick...
00:30:04.000 It's a lifted truck.
00:30:05.000 You can kind of go over anything.
00:30:07.000 It has lockers.
00:30:08.000 It has locking differentials on it.
00:30:11.000 So you literally can drive through mud, snow, anything. 1.00
00:30:14.000 I'm like, the shit hits the fan. 1.00
00:30:15.000 These fucking roads are going to be jammed up. 1.00
00:30:18.000 You're going to need to go that way. 0.99
00:30:19.000 Like, here's the road.
00:30:20.000 You're going to need to go that way.
00:30:22.000 You can't do that in a Prius. 0.99
00:30:23.000 Like, you're going to have to get the fuck out. 0.98
00:30:25.000 I was really worried about... 0.99
00:30:27.000 Earthquakes, fires, some weird shit. 0.94
00:30:29.000 If something happens and you have to literally live out of a truck... 1.00
00:30:34.000 Yeah, I'm fucked. 1.00
00:30:35.000 I'll have to hit you up. 1.00
00:30:36.000 You just can't live where there's too many people.
00:30:39.000 It's not tenable.
00:30:40.000 That's kind of why I left LA. I mean, it's tentative.
00:30:45.000 I have an apartment out here.
00:30:46.000 Bro, I've got plans for you.
00:30:47.000 You've got plans for me?
00:30:51.000 We gotta do this, man.
00:30:52.000 I'm day two, day two, day three in Austin, but the genesis of it was I have this writing job back in LA, so I'm writing for some sitcom, and it's a Zoom writer's room.
00:31:04.000 So we all hop on Zoom, we write the script and all that, and also we're shooting now, so we're watching the actors.
00:31:12.000 Can you say the show?
00:31:13.000 Yeah, it's a CBS show called United States of Al.
00:31:16.000 It's not out yet.
00:31:17.000 Who's in it?
00:31:18.000 Al Franken making a comeback?
00:31:20.000 Yeah, it's an Al Franken vehicle.
00:31:22.000 He's just doing coke with a Hawaiian shirt on. 0.99
00:31:25.000 They fucking Me Too'd me and I didn't even do anything! 0.99
00:31:28.000 It's his comeback, baby! 0.99
00:31:29.000 Ah!
00:31:31.000 No, it's like a Chuck Lorre show.
00:31:33.000 Oh, okay.
00:31:34.000 He has so many shows.
00:31:36.000 Yeah, that guy, he's the OG, right?
00:31:38.000 Yeah, man.
00:31:38.000 He's like Norman Lear 2.0.
00:31:40.000 And then I got to shout out Dave and Maria, the EPs of the show.
00:31:45.000 They were familiar with me from the Comedy Store and Stand Up.
00:31:48.000 And it was really cool the way I got the job.
00:31:49.000 Because most staff writers, you send in a packet, and it's really hard to get a staff writing job.
00:31:56.000 But they just offered it to me.
00:31:57.000 They just knew my stand-up and were fans of it and were like, would you like to write on the show?
00:32:01.000 And it was in the middle of a pandemic.
00:32:04.000 So I'm like, yeah, of course.
00:32:05.000 I've got nothing else going on.
00:32:06.000 Like stand-up was shut down.
00:32:08.000 What else am I going to do during the day?
00:32:10.000 It's good to keep active.
00:32:12.000 It's good to keep active.
00:32:12.000 And also I've learned, I've been a stand-up for so long.
00:32:16.000 I've been doing like 18 years.
00:32:17.000 I've just been, you're an astronaut when you're a stand-up.
00:32:22.000 You're just floating.
00:32:23.000 You're like a mercenary.
00:32:24.000 And I love it so much.
00:32:25.000 I have so much respect for stand-up and the craft.
00:32:28.000 But I've learned, even just having this job for like a month or two or whatever, perception is reality.
00:32:36.000 Just because I value stand-up so much doesn't mean the rest of the world does.
00:32:41.000 Like, this job was kind of serendipitously happened and I got it.
00:32:46.000 And just some of the headway I've been able to make, just because you have, I'm a writer on the CBS Chuck Lorre show.
00:32:52.000 Like, heads turn a little bit.
00:32:53.000 People respect it because they know it.
00:32:55.000 Who are these people?
00:32:56.000 Just when you tell, like, the average person or even industry-wise, you're a known quantity.
00:33:02.000 They go, okay, it's like a shorthand.
00:33:05.000 Like, CBS and Chuck Lorre, whatever, they trust these guys and they're giving this much money.
00:33:11.000 Okay, so that's...
00:33:12.000 It's like a resume.
00:33:13.000 So you must be good.
00:33:14.000 So you must be good.
00:33:15.000 Whereas if you're a guy who just kills in the OR... Like, I was just killing in the OR, but that doesn't...
00:33:22.000 I think this all stems from your parents not wanting you to be a stand-up and being very bummed out that you were an engineer and you went from being an engineer to being a stand-up.
00:33:31.000 You're always looking for this sort of like mainstream, like my son, he's writing for a CBS show.
00:33:37.000 Dude, you know what I noticed?
00:33:39.000 Because, like, you know, I started stand-up when I was 17 or 18. And it was bad.
00:33:44.000 Like, I mean, whatever.
00:33:46.000 We love each other, me and my dad.
00:33:47.000 But it was like I was doing heroin.
00:33:48.000 Maybe we talked about it last time.
00:33:50.000 But it was very contentious up top.
00:33:53.000 And time tempered him a bit.
00:33:55.000 Just he couldn't be that mad for that long because I had been doing stand-up for so long.
00:33:58.000 You have to accept it to some degree.
00:34:01.000 But once I got this writing job...
00:34:03.000 That was it?
00:34:04.000 It was crazy.
00:34:05.000 My dad became a comedy nerd suddenly.
00:34:08.000 He was like, and how do they write the show?
00:34:10.000 So it's a room, and then everyone pitches.
00:34:13.000 I've never had my dad ask me more questions about comedy in my life.
00:34:16.000 Really?
00:34:17.000 Yeah.
00:34:18.000 And I realized he wasn't opposed to comedy.
00:34:21.000 He just loves nine-to-five jobs.
00:34:25.000 He loves structure.
00:34:26.000 He loves structure.
00:34:27.000 He can wrap his head around punching in and punching out.
00:34:30.000 Right, right, right.
00:34:31.000 Like doing the clubs, touring with you or something, or like doing these sporadic acting things and getting a writing job.
00:34:38.000 This bohemian lifestyle of a stand-up is too esoteric for him to understand.
00:34:44.000 I get it.
00:34:45.000 But where it's like, they're paying me this.
00:34:47.000 Yeah.
00:34:48.000 I write a script from nine to five.
00:34:50.000 That he gets and he loves.
00:34:52.000 He loves security.
00:34:53.000 Yeah.
00:34:54.000 Well, that's a disciplined man.
00:34:56.000 That's what that is.
00:34:57.000 Disciplined people love jobs.
00:34:59.000 They love security.
00:35:01.000 It's also an immigrant thing, though, too.
00:35:02.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:35:03.000 For sure.
00:35:03.000 It's such an American luxury to follow your dreams.
00:35:06.000 And, like, what makes me happy?
00:35:08.000 Yeah.
00:35:09.000 No Middle Eastern dad ever asks, are you happy?
00:35:13.000 What does happiness have to do with anything?
00:35:15.000 There's duty, and there's how does the family look?
00:35:19.000 Right, right.
00:35:20.000 Yeah.
00:35:20.000 Are you embarrassing the family?
00:35:21.000 Are you embarrassing the family?
00:35:22.000 Are you taking your pants off on stage? 0.95
00:35:24.000 Honestly, I think the early years of me doing stand-up probably thought I was a clown or something.
00:35:30.000 That's the thing about stand-up is everyone thinks that you're delusional or a crazy person until you get a sliver of success and then they're all about it.
00:35:39.000 Well, it gets very little respect even as you become successful, which is why plagiarism is not taken nearly as seriously in stand-up as it is in literature or in music.
00:35:51.000 And music, I mean, think about the lawsuits in music where someone just takes a riff of something.
00:35:57.000 Yeah.
00:35:58.000 And then it becomes...
00:35:59.000 What is that guy's name?
00:36:01.000 Robin Thicke?
00:36:03.000 Blurred Lines?
00:36:04.000 Yes.
00:36:04.000 From Marvin Gaye, right?
00:36:06.000 Yeah.
00:36:06.000 And it's clear, right?
00:36:09.000 You listen to it.
00:36:10.000 The songs are very different, but it's clear that the riff is taken from that one song, He Lost the Lawsuit.
00:36:18.000 Or another one is...
00:36:20.000 Who sang Bittersweet Symphony?
00:36:24.000 They lost all their money.
00:36:26.000 Excuse me?
00:36:28.000 Yes, it's a Rolling Stones song. 1.00
00:36:34.000 It's a great fucking song. 0.99
00:36:36.000 They had to give all that cheddar to the Rolling Stones. 0.99
00:36:41.000 We have this wild west.
00:36:43.000 We have conversations.
00:36:45.000 I kind of like the way it is.
00:36:47.000 It's weird, though.
00:36:49.000 To have that combo? 0.99
00:36:50.000 Yeah, it sucks. 0.98
00:36:51.000 It's weird that people don't respect it, but they do love it. 0.98
00:36:55.000 Everybody loves...
00:36:56.000 Richard Pryor.
00:36:57.000 Everybody loves going to see Chris Rock or Eddie Murphy or Dave Chappelle or Bill Burr.
00:37:03.000 People love to go see a comedy show.
00:37:05.000 But the craft of stand-up is not appreciated the way constructing a song is or the way writing a book is or the way a lot of other things are.
00:37:14.000 Yeah, you think... 0.99
00:37:15.000 Because we're mostly fuck-ups. 1.00
00:37:17.000 Because a lot of us are fuck-ups. 1.00
00:37:19.000 A lot of us are very undisciplined. 0.98
00:37:23.000 Anytime you can go on stage, you just wing it.
00:37:26.000 Like, you've ever done those stand-up on the spot shows?
00:37:28.000 I love those.
00:37:29.000 You love those, too.
00:37:30.000 Love those.
00:37:30.000 Love those.
00:37:31.000 You write so much material just because it forces you to...
00:37:33.000 Those shows were so important and just being able to have a show where...
00:37:39.000 I used to do this thing where I would do...
00:37:40.000 And Dave does these now.
00:37:42.000 When Dave and I do these shows out here at Stubbs BBQ, we do the show and then we both...
00:37:48.000 He gets off stage.
00:37:50.000 Good night, everybody.
00:37:51.000 Thank you very much.
00:37:51.000 Everybody claps.
00:37:52.000 And then he turns to the back. 1.00
00:37:54.000 I come out and then we both go on stage and we just talk shit. 0.99
00:37:59.000 That's the best. 0.99
00:38:00.000 And we just improvise.
00:38:01.000 People yell things out, and Dave is the master at that.
00:38:06.000 It's so fun.
00:38:07.000 Most of those things are just me laughing at him, because he's on stage last.
00:38:12.000 And then by the time I get on stage, he's probably had three or four shots of tequila.
00:38:15.000 He's lit.
00:38:16.000 And he's just on fire.
00:38:18.000 And it's him making me laugh, him making everybody else laugh. 0.99
00:38:23.000 We're fucking around. 0.97
00:38:24.000 But I used to do that after my shows. 0.98
00:38:26.000 I used to do this thing where I would say, if you have anything you want to talk about, just lift your hand up.
00:38:33.000 Tell me what you want to talk about.
00:38:35.000 Every now and then, I would come up with something.
00:38:37.000 But it would be sort of anticlimactic.
00:38:40.000 And I feel that about these shows, too.
00:38:42.000 It's like sometimes it's anticlimactic, but those shows like the stand-up on the spot shows, we knew... 0.96
00:38:47.000 It used to be called Thunder Pussy. 1.00
00:38:48.000 Do you remember that? 0.98
00:38:49.000 Oh, yeah, yeah.
00:38:50.000 We used to do it in the tiny room at the Ice House.
00:38:52.000 Oh, okay.
00:38:53.000 The annex?
00:38:54.000 Yeah, we got to start doing those out here.
00:38:55.000 I need those.
00:38:56.000 Those are the best.
00:38:56.000 Those improvisation shows are so...
00:38:59.000 It should be a category of comedy.
00:39:01.000 I think so.
00:39:02.000 Yeah, it's a very important category because there's a freedom to not having any act that you can fall back on where you're forced to create.
00:39:11.000 That's kind of why I started doing Lance at the Comedy Store, this character that I... Lance Stampinopoulos?
00:39:17.000 Lance Cantopoulos?
00:39:19.000 Yeah, and that was the beauty of having...
00:39:21.000 Didn't you wear a wig?
00:39:22.000 I had a mullet.
00:39:22.000 I had a mullet pre-Theo.
00:39:24.000 I was the first mullet... 0.76
00:39:26.000 I love Theo, but I was the first mullet at the Comedy Store post-80s. 0.97
00:39:29.000 All right, Howie Mandel, he has me there.
00:39:32.000 He had a mullet?
00:39:33.000 Oh, yeah.
00:39:34.000 Howie Mandel?
00:39:35.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:39:36.000 That's Lance.
00:39:38.000 How did you get that on?
00:39:39.000 What is that?
00:39:40.000 So that's just like a weave.
00:39:41.000 It's like two rows of extensions.
00:39:43.000 But what's crazy is I would dress up like that at the store and people who even knew me as me didn't know that was me.
00:39:51.000 Well, I remember one time I brought you up and I said he has an alter ego.
00:39:55.000 Oh, I was so mad.
00:39:56.000 Yeah, you're like, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't.
00:39:58.000 Because he's not a character.
00:40:01.000 He's a real person.
00:40:02.000 Yeah.
00:40:04.000 How did you do that?
00:40:05.000 That's like Photoshop.
00:40:07.000 Oh.
00:40:07.000 But the beauty of it was...
00:40:09.000 So, I mean, the character developed on accident.
00:40:12.000 It was this organic...
00:40:13.000 That's why I love the store.
00:40:14.000 Some people think the store is just like... 0.97
00:40:17.000 You know, some of the alt people are just like, oh, it's all club comics and it sucks. 0.96
00:40:21.000 Those all people just need a hug. 0.92
00:40:23.000 I had an argument with someone about that.
00:40:26.000 They were saying that they were never accepted there. 0.99
00:40:29.000 I'm like, God damn it. 0.96
00:40:31.000 And then once it got hot, then somebody was like, how do I get there? 0.98
00:40:33.000 You can get accepted there, but you've got to perform.
00:40:36.000 It's a tough room.
00:40:39.000 Well, you have to, yeah, you have to do well.
00:40:40.000 You can't just do East of Gower stuff.
00:40:42.000 People want to be accepted because of their credentials.
00:40:45.000 Yeah.
00:40:45.000 Oh, I'm on a television show.
00:40:47.000 You know, I had a blah, blah, blah, a Comedy Central special.
00:40:51.000 You gotta get rid of that band, bro. 0.92
00:40:52.000 You're driving crazy.
00:40:53.000 Sorry, man.
00:40:53.000 I'm new to this.
00:40:54.000 Just pull it off the top.
00:40:55.000 Just squeeze it off the top.
00:40:56.000 Just pull it like this, like this.
00:40:58.000 What, this?
00:40:59.000 Yeah, no, do it like this.
00:41:00.000 Pull it, it'll come over the top.
00:41:02.000 Really?
00:41:02.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:41:03.000 Oh, shit. 1.00
00:41:03.000 It's hot! 1.00
00:41:04.000 Like a condom. 0.93
00:41:05.000 It's hot, Joe. 0.94
00:41:05.000 No, Jesus. 0.94
00:41:06.000 I just don't want you to smoke the band.
00:41:09.000 But I love the band.
00:41:10.000 It has all the flavor.
00:41:11.000 I love glue.
00:41:12.000 I don't think that's what you're supposed to smoke.
00:41:14.000 Alright, hold on.
00:41:14.000 I gotta finish this song in the store.
00:41:15.000 Jamie's shaking his head.
00:41:16.000 Whenever I'm confused, I turn to Jamie.
00:41:24.000 Isn't it a great manly thing?
00:41:26.000 Smoking cigars?
00:41:27.000 Yeah, I just got into it.
00:41:27.000 Do you trust girls who drink scotch and smoke cigars?
00:41:30.000 Yeah, why not?
00:41:31.000 It's like girls pretending they're into like, I want to watch the game. 1.00
00:41:34.000 They just want to spend time with you.
00:41:36.000 Yeah.
00:41:36.000 Some girls do like to watch the game.
00:41:38.000 Yeah, that's true.
00:41:39.000 That's no knock on girls who actually like sports. 0.94
00:41:41.000 But I want to finish the thought on the store.
00:41:44.000 People don't realize how experimental that place is.
00:41:48.000 Maybe less so once it became this beacon.
00:41:51.000 Like once you came to the store. 0.97
00:41:53.000 I fucked it up. 0.97
00:41:54.000 Nah, you made it great. 0.99
00:41:55.000 You made it great.
00:41:56.000 You made every night awesome because I was there in the dark ages.
00:41:59.000 And that's how that character Lance came to be because there was no stakes whatsoever.
00:42:05.000 You didn't have to worry about industry being in the crowd.
00:42:09.000 There's no agents.
00:42:10.000 No one was coming to the comedy store.
00:42:12.000 They were all at Meltdown.
00:42:13.000 They were all scouting at a comic book store.
00:42:16.000 I have my one foot in alt, one foot in club.
00:42:19.000 I've done comic book shows.
00:42:21.000 I feel like I'm an alt guy in a club world.
00:42:23.000 And I'd rather...
00:42:24.000 I just like that.
00:42:25.000 Do you really?
00:42:26.000 Kind of.
00:42:26.000 I'm a little left of center.
00:42:28.000 I am as well, but I don't think you're alt at all because you're too funny.
00:42:32.000 Thanks.
00:42:32.000 But that's kind of what I'm driving at where...
00:42:36.000 We're good to go.
00:42:58.000 Yeah.
00:43:11.000 So I got past when it was the dark ages at the store, and I could take big swings and not worry about it affecting my career, because I was doing comedy for comedy, not for results-based, really, other than just artistic enrichment.
00:43:26.000 So I remember Willie Hunter was doing this variety show in the main room.
00:43:32.000 He knows like a dancer.
00:43:34.000 He's like, hey, I want you to be the musical guest.
00:43:36.000 Can you dance on it?
00:43:37.000 And I go, that's weird.
00:43:39.000 If Mia Fahim Anwar just like dances during your variety show segment, that's like odd. 0.92
00:43:45.000 I go, I'll do it as a character or whatever.
00:43:49.000 And he goes, yeah, yeah, whatever. 0.99
00:43:51.000 I don't give a shit. 0.99
00:43:51.000 And I go, okay. 0.99
00:43:52.000 Because this Lance guy, I had...
00:43:55.000 So visually, I did a sketch of Melissa Villasenor.
00:43:59.000 So I already knew what he looked like visually.
00:44:02.000 I go, all right, I'll dress up as this guy.
00:44:04.000 And he goes, what's his name?
00:44:05.000 I need it for the flyer.
00:44:07.000 And I go, his name is, he's made it up on the spot.
00:44:09.000 I go, Lance Cantstopolis, because it sounded like can't stop dancing, you know, like Cantstopolis.
00:44:16.000 So he puts it on the flyer.
00:44:18.000 I do Willie's variety show.
00:44:19.000 I come out.
00:44:20.000 I dance to Chromios night by night.
00:44:22.000 It's funny.
00:44:23.000 It's just a funny dance.
00:44:24.000 I'm not talking at all.
00:44:26.000 And then I'm floating around the comedy store.
00:44:28.000 You know, it's a fun house.
00:44:29.000 There's the belly room, and it's kind of dead.
00:44:31.000 It's later at night.
00:44:32.000 Bretton Biddlecomb comes up with a stopwatch.
00:44:35.000 He goes, hey, man, we don't have any comics.
00:44:37.000 Can you go up in the OR? And I've got the mullet, and I've got the wife beater, and I've got the jeans and shit. 0.99
00:44:43.000 And I'm like, yeah, okay. 0.99
00:44:44.000 Like, no comic turns down stage time.
00:44:46.000 I'm like, yeah, I'll go up.
00:44:47.000 So there's maybe 10 people in the crowd.
00:44:50.000 And I'm about to go up.
00:44:51.000 And in my mind, I go, I can't talk like this, dressed like this.
00:44:56.000 Like, hey, guys!
00:44:57.000 Like, I have a mullet.
00:44:58.000 And I'm like, anybody from out of town?
00:44:59.000 I'm like, I gotta do an accent.
00:45:02.000 Otherwise, this makes no sense.
00:45:04.000 So I get introduced.
00:45:05.000 Lance Gastopolis.
00:45:06.000 I come out.
00:45:07.000 I'm like, what's up?
00:45:08.000 How's everybody doing tonight?
00:45:09.000 You're good?
00:45:09.000 And I just do crowd work.
00:45:11.000 There's some cougars.
00:45:12.000 Do you have a backstory?
00:45:13.000 I have no backstory, so I'm just like, what's up?
00:45:15.000 I'm just doing crowd work.
00:45:16.000 No material.
00:45:16.000 You got cougars in the crowd?
00:45:17.000 Yeah, I'm like, what's up?
00:45:18.000 You got tiny champagnes?
00:45:19.000 Yeah, they're good.
00:45:22.000 And then, it was getting a type of laugh that is different than a joke laugh.
00:45:28.000 Like, I've killed before as me, and...
00:45:31.000 But there were these moments that were so special where it planted the seed where I go, oh, this is different.
00:45:37.000 This is kind of like when you're a kid with your friends or your brother.
00:45:42.000 It's a childlike laughter.
00:45:44.000 You don't have to be like, oh, that's clever.
00:45:46.000 It just punches you in the chest.
00:45:49.000 So I started doing it a little more regularly.
00:45:52.000 Like three months later or two months later, I tried it again.
00:45:55.000 And then I started to really hone in on who this guy is and how to do it.
00:46:00.000 Because sometimes it would be magical. 0.99
00:46:02.000 It would fucking, like, blow the room up. 0.99
00:46:05.000 And then sometimes it would be very whatever. 0.99
00:46:07.000 But then I got good at, like...
00:46:09.000 It just became Q&A. There's no material but Lance.
00:46:12.000 So they introduce, they go, Lance can't stop this.
00:46:15.000 And they crank up this dance music.
00:46:17.000 And then Lance dances for, like, a minute.
00:46:20.000 Just dances.
00:46:21.000 And it sets the tone.
00:46:22.000 It's so beautiful.
00:46:24.000 Because people are on board.
00:46:26.000 After they see a guy dance for, like, 30 seconds up top...
00:46:29.000 When they've been watching guys come up and it's like everyone's playing baseball and Lance is playing lacrosse.
00:46:34.000 So he dances for like a minute and then it's like, how's everybody doing tonight?
00:46:39.000 Anybody have any questions for me?
00:46:40.000 It shows how loose you are too that you can go on stage and dance.
00:46:43.000 But it's kind of a testament to that stand-up on the spot, no net.
00:46:47.000 And it's liberating because I'm a heady guy.
00:46:52.000 I'll think about jokes and structure when I do me.
00:46:54.000 Like, alright, what do I want to do tonight?
00:46:56.000 Lance, I don't have to think.
00:46:57.000 I just show up.
00:46:58.000 Do you put yourself in a Lance mindset?
00:47:00.000 Not really.
00:47:01.000 I'm kind of in the back.
00:47:02.000 I have the mullet.
00:47:02.000 And like, as soon as they play the music, I dance for 30 seconds.
00:47:06.000 And that's just so freeing.
00:47:08.000 Yeah.
00:47:09.000 And then once I'm done with that, it's just Q&A. And Lance is so fast and quick that it surprises some people.
00:47:16.000 And it's just so fun.
00:47:18.000 You say Lance like it's not you.
00:47:20.000 Because it's not.
00:47:21.000 My mom would hit me up. 0.93
00:47:22.000 She'd be like, I don't like the way Lance...
00:47:24.000 I didn't raise you that way.
00:47:27.000 I don't like the way Lance...
00:47:28.000 She saw Lance? 1.00
00:47:29.000 ...talks about fucking... 1.00
00:47:33.000 No, because I would post it on Instagram and YouTube and shit. 1.00
00:47:35.000 You probably said that. 0.99
00:47:37.000 Ah, there you are.
00:47:38.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:47:39.000 I like Lance.
00:47:40.000 Yeah.
00:47:41.000 You know, Lance was the first time I saw you.
00:47:42.000 Oh, that's hilarious.
00:47:44.000 Yeah.
00:47:44.000 Some people have seen me that way where they've seen Lance first before me and I think that's a trip.
00:47:48.000 It took me a while to figure out what the fuck was going on.
00:47:51.000 The first time I, you know, obviously I didn't see you on stage. 0.98
00:47:57.000 I think the store was the first time I saw you on stage, right?
00:48:00.000 Probably.
00:48:00.000 I think it was 2014. Yeah.
00:48:02.000 And that was when I came back.
00:48:04.000 And I was just sort of acclimating myself to some of the people that were there.
00:48:09.000 And I saw you go on stage as Lance.
00:48:12.000 And I forget who told me to watch.
00:48:14.000 Like, dude, you've got to watch this. 0.97
00:48:14.000 This is fucking hilarious. 0.97
00:48:15.000 I wish I could remember. 0.99
00:48:16.000 It might have been Bert.
00:48:17.000 And then you went on stage as Lance. 0.98
00:48:20.000 And I was like, this guy's fucking funny. 0.93
00:48:22.000 And he goes, that's not really his name. 0.97
00:48:23.000 He's actually Fahim Anwar.
00:48:25.000 He's a really funny guy.
00:48:25.000 I'm like, what?
00:48:26.000 This is not him?
00:48:27.000 Yeah.
00:48:28.000 I thought you were that guy.
00:48:29.000 No.
00:48:30.000 I thought you were this wild dude.
00:48:32.000 See?
00:48:32.000 But that's the beauty of it.
00:48:33.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:48:35.000 And even in the early days of developing Lance, obviously you want to hit a home run every time.
00:48:41.000 You want the room to blow up.
00:48:43.000 But even if it's kind of a whatever set, the fact that 70% of the crowd thinks that's a real guy is a win.
00:48:49.000 How about 100% of the crowd?
00:48:51.000 It is 100%.
00:48:51.000 Maybe just the comics in the back now.
00:48:53.000 Yeah, the only people that don't know or that do know are the people that have already seen you before.
00:48:58.000 This is Fahim.
00:49:00.000 Dude, this happened too.
00:49:01.000 So I did a Lancet. 0.99
00:49:02.000 And I always take the shit out after I'm done. 0.99
00:49:04.000 You know, I perform. 0.99
00:49:05.000 I go in the back, you know the bar area.
00:49:07.000 Right.
00:49:08.000 Take the clips out.
00:49:09.000 I put a hat on.
00:49:09.000 Change your shirt?
00:49:10.000 Yeah, I'm like Superman. 0.99
00:49:11.000 So then I'm back in the back hallway shooting the shit with all the comics. 0.97
00:49:15.000 And this girl, she comes up and she's like... 0.98
00:49:18.000 Oh my god, that was amazing.
00:49:20.000 And then I never own up to it.
00:49:21.000 I'm like, what?
00:49:22.000 She goes, oh my god, I'm so sorry.
00:49:25.000 I thought you were someone else.
00:49:27.000 And then she just went away.
00:49:29.000 I thought you were someone else.
00:49:31.000 Oh, you have me confused with someone else?
00:49:33.000 She's like, oh my god, I'm so sorry.
00:49:35.000 Yeah, I just got a quick haircut.
00:49:36.000 Yeah.
00:49:38.000 She believed it.
00:49:39.000 That's just a testament to kind of losing yourself in the character.
00:49:43.000 It's like hair clips or something?
00:49:45.000 He just clips into the back.
00:49:47.000 And then it drapes over.
00:49:49.000 Did you decide what nationality this guy is?
00:49:51.000 So this is beautiful.
00:49:53.000 It organically happened.
00:49:55.000 People...
00:49:55.000 Because I would do Q&A. I'd go, like, anybody have any questions?
00:49:57.000 And then it becomes fun.
00:49:59.000 Because then the crowd...
00:50:00.000 It starts with the comics.
00:50:01.000 The comics will start asking some questions.
00:50:03.000 And then it makes the crowd feel comfortable asking their own questions.
00:50:08.000 And the game is like trying to paint Lance into a corner, but Lance gets out of it every time.
00:50:16.000 There's something about going on stage and dancing like that that makes you loose.
00:50:23.000 Do you know, do you ever watch Muay Thai?
00:50:25.000 You ever seen Muay Thai fights?
00:50:26.000 There's a thing that they do in traditional Muay Thai called the Y Crew.
00:50:30.000 And the W-A-I-K-R-U. And Y Crew is a dance that Muay Thai fighters do before they fight.
00:50:38.000 And it's hard to get people to watch it in America.
00:50:42.000 So a lot of the American promotions eliminated the Y crew.
00:50:46.000 And a lot of the traditional TIE fighters get very upset by this because it's an important part of it, not just for tradition, but also because...
00:50:56.000 It helps them loosen up.
00:50:57.000 So they come out and dance.
00:50:59.000 So they do this dance where this music plays, traditional Thai music, and they come out and they dance.
00:51:06.000 See if you can find some of that.
00:51:08.000 Y crew dance.
00:51:11.000 And they wear this, I think it's called a mong tong, this headband that goes around and they have these things around their biceps and And they do this dance and they stretch out while they're doing this dance. 0.93
00:51:24.000 So these two fighters are doing this dance in the ring before they fight.
00:51:30.000 So instead of just, ladies and gentlemen, in the red corner, Fahim and War!
00:51:36.000 Instead of doing that, these guys come out and, like, give me some music.
00:51:42.000 So you hear the horns, the traditional...
00:51:46.000 The traditional music.
00:51:47.000 I actually did a commentary once back in the day with a gentleman named Richard Norton.
00:51:53.000 He and I did commentary for a traditional Muay Thai event and they did all this.
00:51:58.000 So he's doing all this and warming up and loosening up.
00:52:05.000 And I actually got to do commentary for a legend, this guy named Koban.
00:52:10.000 Koban... 0.93
00:52:10.000 I don't know how to fuck up his last name. 0.93
00:52:14.000 Luxum Taikom, I think is his last name. 0.98
00:52:16.000 But he was a real Muay Thai legend.
00:52:18.000 It was a small Muay Thai production.
00:52:21.000 But this is how they do it.
00:52:22.000 They do this thing.
00:52:23.000 So they're moving around like this, and part of what they're doing is they're loosening up and getting ready.
00:52:31.000 But oftentimes, if there's some...
00:52:34.000 Some real static between you and the other fighter.
00:52:37.000 They'll look at the other fighter and pretend they're shooting arrows at him.
00:52:41.000 Yeah.
00:52:41.000 Oops.
00:52:42.000 Oh, I hit this.
00:52:43.000 But it's this thing they do.
00:52:45.000 And when you do that...
00:52:46.000 I was talking to a TIE fighter about it.
00:52:48.000 He goes, one of the beautiful things about it is it gets rid of your performance anxiety.
00:52:51.000 Because you do that before you fight.
00:52:54.000 And then you feel more relaxed about being in front of the crowd.
00:52:57.000 I believe it.
00:52:58.000 Like, I honestly...
00:52:59.000 It was by happenstance that the intro happened this way.
00:53:03.000 But...
00:53:04.000 I do think it is twofold.
00:53:05.000 I think it loosens me up as a performer because I've just expended all that energy and I'm dancing around and you're just like worked up and ready to go.
00:53:13.000 It's not like waiting to blast off into a cannon or...
00:53:16.000 Yeah, it just loosens me up as a performer when I do Lance.
00:53:19.000 And then also, I think it's very endearing to the crowd.
00:53:22.000 Because they have seen...
00:53:23.000 It's a vulnerable place to be in.
00:53:26.000 To dance in front of a crowd like that at a comedy show.
00:53:29.000 And they've seen every comedian throughout the night.
00:53:32.000 And I would always have Adam put me up in the elbow of the show.
00:53:35.000 Like, midnight.
00:53:37.000 There's all these heavy hitters.
00:53:38.000 And then, you know how the newcomers kind of come on towards the end?
00:53:41.000 Not that they're bad, but they're newer.
00:53:43.000 And you just wouldn't know them as much.
00:53:44.000 They're growing.
00:53:45.000 But there's magic in those moments.
00:53:48.000 Yes, that's why I always wanted to...
00:53:50.000 Once they've seen a lot of great comedy and they've seen enough people go up and be like, hey, what's going on?
00:53:57.000 Because then once you see...
00:53:58.000 This is so different than what you've seen throughout the whole night.
00:54:01.000 And I've noticed that once I dance for 30 seconds, the crowd's just ready.
00:54:06.000 They're just ready to go.
00:54:07.000 Because one of the hardest things about stand-up is earning a crowd's trust up top.
00:54:12.000 Especially if you're not famous.
00:54:13.000 I've always found it fascinating because I've been not famous longer than I've had some recognition, maybe as of late.
00:54:23.000 When do you think you started getting recognition?
00:54:25.000 How long ago?
00:54:26.000 It creeps up on you.
00:54:28.000 Four years?
00:54:29.000 Yeah, maybe like three or four years.
00:54:31.000 I would do Punchline and it would be sold out and that's weird to me because most of my life has not been that.
00:54:38.000 Right.
00:54:38.000 What turned it for you?
00:54:41.000 It's been, you know, back in the day there was, I think, big breaks.
00:54:45.000 Like, you do Johnny and you're on.
00:54:47.000 Hey! 0.99
00:54:47.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 0.99
00:54:48.000 There are these singular moments that blast you off.
00:54:51.000 Yeah.
00:54:52.000 And mine has been just such a compounding over the years.
00:54:57.000 You're so much better off that way.
00:54:58.000 I like it, too.
00:54:59.000 So much better.
00:55:00.000 Because it's better for your mind.
00:55:02.000 Yeah.
00:55:02.000 Because the shift, the shift between one and zero, it's much slower than...
00:55:08.000 And I'm so much more grateful for it.
00:55:10.000 Yes.
00:55:10.000 Because I know what it was.
00:55:14.000 Yeah.
00:55:15.000 And if anybody, like, sometimes I'll get DMs or something and when I have time, I respond to them and it means a lot.
00:55:22.000 Like, it's not lost on me that someone drove somewhere to come see me or they really enjoyed the show and I'm so grateful.
00:55:28.000 I'm not a child star who just thinks that this is the way the world works.
00:55:31.000 Yeah, you gotta hang on to that.
00:55:33.000 I don't think I'll ever lose it.
00:55:34.000 Especially because I had to fight so hard.
00:55:36.000 It's harder when your parents aren't on board with it.
00:55:41.000 Right, right, right.
00:55:42.000 Yeah.
00:55:42.000 So, it's not lost on me.
00:55:46.000 Yeah, but...
00:55:48.000 Have you noticed, like, even before you became Joe Rogan and such, the hardest part about stand-up is getting that trust from the crowd.
00:55:54.000 Oh, yeah, for sure.
00:55:55.000 Yeah.
00:55:56.000 Like, is this guy funny?
00:55:57.000 I always think it's so strange.
00:55:58.000 People will pay this crazy ticket price and two-drink minimum, and when you go up, they're like, this is before you are who you are.
00:56:06.000 They're like...
00:56:07.000 Is this guy funny?
00:56:08.000 Trying to make me laugh.
00:56:09.000 Like, you paid all this money.
00:56:11.000 Why don't you give me the benefit of the doubt? 0.98
00:56:12.000 But you kill him with the first joke and then you're gravy.
00:56:15.000 Well, it's also because people see stand-up as talking.
00:56:19.000 And everybody can talk.
00:56:20.000 Not everybody can dance. 0.99
00:56:21.000 If you go out there and dance, I'm like, oh, I can do some shit I can't do. 0.99
00:56:25.000 If someone goes up and talks, I can fucking talk. 0.99
00:56:29.000 I've been funny before. 0.98
00:56:30.000 Everybody's been funny.
00:56:31.000 Everybody said something at work and it's funny.
00:56:33.000 You know what I've also noticed about stand-up?
00:56:35.000 Because I get this.
00:56:36.000 Sometimes I'll post clips and I walk the line sometimes.
00:56:39.000 I think something's funny and it's just a joke.
00:56:42.000 But when you release it to the internet, some people can take it the wrong way.
00:56:46.000 They have their own baggage.
00:56:47.000 They see the world through a certain prism and they're like, I don't think you can use that term or I think it's offensive.
00:56:55.000 I always hear, I go, I understand you.
00:56:56.000 My intent is never to offend when I write jokes and such.
00:56:59.000 But I always think it's so unfortunate how we are doing a performance on stage.
00:57:05.000 And I think stand-ups, because we are in plain clothes and talking so casually, like a common man, they don't give it the same liberties that you would a stage play or a TV show or a movie.
00:57:19.000 If some of the stuff I'm saying you saw on a TV show or whatever, you wouldn't write a letter because your mind can make that separation.
00:57:26.000 But because I'm in plain clothes, you think I just wandered off the bus and I'm talking about these things.
00:57:33.000 They don't see it as a performance when it is. 0.99
00:57:37.000 Especially when you're talking about fucking, right? 0.97
00:57:39.000 That's probably your most controversial stuff. 0.99
00:57:41.000 No, what do you mean?
00:57:42.000 You don't think so? 1.00
00:57:43.000 Fucking? 1.00
00:57:44.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:57:45.000 What do you think is your most controversial stuff?
00:57:47.000 Well, sometimes if you delve into...
00:57:49.000 If you're talking about sexual identity and you've done a crafty joke and you're on the right side of it, but people just hear certain knee-jerk buzzwords.
00:58:01.000 Right.
00:58:01.000 And it's almost like they don't hear the entire context or that I'm actually on their side.
00:58:06.000 They just hear a certain word and they're like...
00:58:09.000 The ejector seat out of...
00:58:11.000 But don't you think that's also a challenge?
00:58:13.000 Because there's a way to introduce these bits.
00:58:16.000 And sometimes we take a straight path, and it's not really the right route.
00:58:21.000 The right route is almost to go around the back door.
00:58:24.000 Yeah.
00:58:25.000 And sneak it in.
00:58:26.000 Like, one of the things that I've found with my own act is the more controversial the material is, the more I have to be self-deprecating before I can introduce the material.
00:58:35.000 Like, I had a...
00:58:37.000 A bit about the guy who broke into the White House.
00:58:40.000 I don't know if you ever saw that bit.
00:58:41.000 I don't know if I did.
00:58:42.000 It was a tricky beginning because the beginning of the bit, it was like I had to get through some dangerous waters.
00:58:50.000 But I really couldn't figure out any other way to do it because the bit was there was a woman during the Obama administration who was guarding the front door of the White House and a guy broke in and smacked her to the ground and just ran through the White House.
00:59:02.000 And she wasn't even armed. 0.99
00:59:05.000 It's the dumbest idea in the world. 0.99
00:59:07.000 And the thing is, the bit was people say that a woman could do anything that a man can do. 1.00
00:59:14.000 Right?
00:59:15.000 And then there would be some drunk lady, too much to prove. 1.00
00:59:19.000 Like, yeah!
00:59:20.000 And I'd be like, that's not true.
00:59:22.000 Because a man can't do everything a man can do. 1.00
00:59:25.000 That's why we have the Olympics. 0.99
00:59:27.000 Because there's some people that do shit that you can't do. 0.99
00:59:30.000 I go, you know how I know this? 0.99
00:59:31.000 Because I met Shaquille O'Neal. 1.00
00:59:33.000 And his dick is where my face is. 1.00
00:59:34.000 Okay? 1.00
00:59:36.000 And if the White House is experiencing a Shaq attack, I'm the wrong guy to save the world. 0.98
00:59:41.000 And I go, listen, my favorite people in the world are women. 1.00
00:59:45.000 I have a wife and I have three daughters.
00:59:47.000 They're my favorite people on planet Earth.
00:59:49.000 If I had to choose three people to save, those would be the people.
00:59:52.000 But if they're guarding the White House, I'm getting in. 1.00
00:59:55.000 I could fuck them all up at the same time. 1.00
00:59:58.000 I'd be like, come get some. 1.00
01:00:00.000 Yeah.
01:00:00.000 But it's like I had to get to this point where I was explaining, and it was a bit about a crazy person.
01:00:06.000 And the whole bit was about this guy, like thinking this is his last day on Earth. 0.99
01:00:10.000 Like, fuck this. 1.00
01:00:11.000 I'm going to fuck with this suicidal guy who's running through the White House lawn thinking, is this the last step of my life? 1.00
01:00:17.000 Is this the last step of my life? 1.00
01:00:19.000 And he finally gets to the door.
01:00:21.000 He grabs it.
01:00:22.000 It's unlocked.
01:00:23.000 He opens it.
01:00:24.000 There's a woman in there. 1.00
01:00:26.000 Smacks her to the ground! 1.00
01:00:28.000 And he's running through the fucking White House! 1.00
01:00:30.000 The only thing that saved the president was that there was an off-duty Secret Service guy who was having coffee. 1.00
01:00:36.000 And this guy ran past him. 0.98
01:00:37.000 He's like, what the fuck is going on? 0.98
01:00:39.000 I think the guy was in his underwear, too. 0.99
01:00:40.000 I think it was something crazy.
01:00:42.000 And he tackles this guy.
01:00:44.000 But the waters of getting through, women can do everything. 1.00
01:00:48.000 And I remember, there was multiple times, like one serious time, there was an executive from some fucking network who was in the audience. 0.99
01:00:55.000 She was drunk. 0.99
01:00:57.000 She's like, no! 0.99
01:00:58.000 No!
01:00:59.000 And I was like, you gotta let me finish.
01:01:01.000 Because there's a point to this. 0.99
01:01:02.000 I'm gonna shit on myself. 0.99
01:01:04.000 You're not letting me finish. 1.00
01:01:05.000 And then I did shit on myself. 0.99
01:01:06.000 And she kept going. 1.00
01:01:07.000 I'm like, oh, Jesus, lady.
01:01:09.000 So that's what I'm talking about.
01:01:10.000 You massaged it.
01:01:11.000 You did the work.
01:01:12.000 And like 99.9% of the crowd...
01:01:14.000 If the crowd is laughing as a whole...
01:01:16.000 That is a reflection that you've done the work in the time that we're in to get away with that joke.
01:01:22.000 Maybe five years from now, there's bits that I've done looking back where I'm like, I wouldn't do that today.
01:01:27.000 I've grown.
01:01:27.000 Society has grown.
01:01:29.000 But just the mere fact of tackling a certain subject, even though you've done the work, there is a subsect of people who will still do that.
01:01:38.000 No!
01:01:38.000 No!
01:01:39.000 And that's their own thing.
01:01:40.000 That's always going to be there.
01:01:41.000 They're looking for a moment where they can chime in.
01:01:44.000 And a lot of it is they can't even help it because they're drunk.
01:01:47.000 You know, when people get lit up, you're drunk and you find, can I be offended?
01:01:52.000 I think I can be offended now!
01:01:54.000 It's time!
01:01:55.000 It's the beauty and the downfall of a comedy club.
01:01:58.000 I mean, it doesn't happen very often, but the beauty is that it's this fun, it's like a fort.
01:02:02.000 It's wild!
01:02:03.000 Yeah, you can exchange.
01:02:04.000 I always think of comedy clubs as an idea fight club.
01:02:10.000 It is like an idea fight club.
01:02:12.000 It's an idea fight club. 0.99
01:02:14.000 It's a safe space for saying outlandish shit. 0.99
01:02:17.000 You can do it in that box because it's performance. 0.99
01:02:20.000 You're trying to figure it out.
01:02:22.000 Sometimes I'm trying to tackle a subject and I say something and the crowd doesn't laugh and it's pretty off-putting.
01:02:28.000 And that lets me know, like, okay, I said it the wrong way.
01:02:32.000 I have to tweak it.
01:02:33.000 Or maybe I need to rethink how I think about things.
01:02:37.000 The audience is your editor.
01:02:38.000 Mm-hmm.
01:02:40.000 Yeah.
01:02:40.000 That's one of the other things, too, about when I was in L.A. during this shutdown.
01:02:46.000 The only place that you could perform was this place called Jam in the Van.
01:02:51.000 You were in a van?
01:02:53.000 So it's this series on YouTube that mostly these artists, these musical artists, would perform in this van.
01:02:59.000 It's kind of like a tiny desk concert thing.
01:03:02.000 That seems like the most COVID-y place possible.
01:03:04.000 Exactly.
01:03:04.000 So this is pre-COVID. It was called Jam in the Van.
01:03:07.000 Pre-COVID? Pre-COVID, yeah.
01:03:09.000 But then once COVID hit, they stopped doing it in the van, and they have, like, wherever they work out of, they have this, like, outdoor space, and they were starting to put on shows.
01:03:17.000 Yeah.
01:03:19.000 I would be there almost every week in LA because it was the only place to get up during the pandemic, during this latest lockdown.
01:03:26.000 I would go there like every Friday or Saturday because that's the only place doing comedy.
01:03:31.000 There was nowhere else you can get up.
01:03:33.000 How were they doing these shows?
01:03:35.000 Because you weren't even allowed to do outdoor shows.
01:03:36.000 I think they had some loophole where they said that it's a production.
01:03:41.000 You know, you've got to find some sort of loopholes or whatever.
01:03:44.000 Were they putting it online or anything?
01:03:46.000 I don't know.
01:03:47.000 I don't know.
01:03:47.000 But somehow they were the only show in town.
01:03:49.000 But when I was talking to the guy, he goes, we've been trying to do some music stuff.
01:03:54.000 We'll reach out to bands.
01:03:56.000 And a lot of them just go, no, I don't want to do it.
01:03:58.000 We can't get any bands to do the show.
01:04:00.000 But comics are like...
01:04:01.000 Yeah.
01:04:02.000 So there's a lot of stand-up going on.
01:04:05.000 There probably still is.
01:04:06.000 A lot of stand-up going on.
01:04:07.000 And I was thinking, why is that?
01:04:10.000 And I realized, stand-up, we need the audience as part of the process.
01:04:15.000 We don't know if something is good, offensive, bad, without the audience.
01:04:19.000 Oh, yeah.
01:04:19.000 They are integral to how we develop material.
01:04:23.000 Whereas a band can make a song in a vacuum.
01:04:26.000 Oh, yeah.
01:04:26.000 And you're presenting the song.
01:04:28.000 So that's why the bands are like, I'm good.
01:04:30.000 Whereas comedians are like, yes.
01:04:32.000 Right.
01:04:33.000 Yeah, 100%.
01:04:34.000 Yeah, it's a weird art form.
01:04:36.000 We need other people.
01:04:37.000 But there's humility in that too, right?
01:04:41.000 Because one of the things that happens that I'm sure you've seen is that certain comics, they get successful and then they only do shows for their crowd.
01:04:51.000 And even great comics, like Stanhope.
01:04:53.000 Stanhope told me I wanted him to go up in the OR. I was like, fuck that. 1.00
01:04:57.000 That's not my crowd. 1.00
01:04:57.000 He goes, I worked 25 years to develop a crowd. 1.00
01:05:00.000 I'm not going to go up to some other people's crowd.
01:05:02.000 And I'm like, okay.
01:05:03.000 That's what I love about the OR. It's the great equalizer.
01:05:07.000 Yeah.
01:05:07.000 And they're on top of you, too.
01:05:09.000 They're right where you are.
01:05:10.000 The front row is where you are.
01:05:11.000 Yeah.
01:05:12.000 You have to actually be funny.
01:05:15.000 And also, there's just so many heavy hitters on that show.
01:05:17.000 Yeah.
01:05:18.000 They're not all there for you.
01:05:23.000 They're not all there for you.
01:05:25.000 So, it's the closest you can get to being an unknown back in the day.
01:05:30.000 Because once you get famous enough, it's hard to get a real...
01:05:33.000 A real read.
01:05:34.000 A real read.
01:05:35.000 Yeah.
01:05:35.000 Yeah.
01:05:36.000 Yeah.
01:05:36.000 Yeah, it's complicated, right?
01:05:39.000 It's a complicated art form.
01:05:41.000 And the thing that you said about the slow drip of success, I think is so critical.
01:05:48.000 I think it's important because it keeps you in touch with who you are as a human being.
01:05:53.000 You don't have this drop-off where the world changes and the world becomes like this.
01:05:57.000 I've had these moments in my life where I'm like, yikes.
01:06:01.000 And then those moments, the smart thing that I've done is...
01:06:04.000 I'm good at recognizing danger.
01:06:07.000 I've always been good at recognizing danger.
01:06:09.000 You know, like, oh, this is not...
01:06:11.000 Okay, this is not good.
01:06:13.000 And I just back off.
01:06:14.000 So I stay away from social media.
01:06:16.000 Whenever there's big splash moments, like big things have happened, like a Spotify announcement or something like that, I just...
01:06:23.000 Stay out of social media.
01:06:25.000 I just stay in my own world.
01:06:26.000 It doesn't really exist in my world.
01:06:30.000 Jamie and I have joked around about it.
01:06:31.000 We've done shows. 0.99
01:06:33.000 How weird is it that we're here just talking shit and then a small city is listening. 0.99
01:06:42.000 That's what it is. 1.00
01:06:43.000 It's bigger than Austin. 0.99
01:06:46.000 Every one of these fucking podcasts is bigger than the entire population of Austin. 0.99
01:06:50.000 Just sitting there. 1.00
01:06:52.000 Listening. 1.00
01:06:53.000 If you think about that, that'll fuck with your head. 1.00
01:06:56.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:06:56.000 It will fuck with your head. 1.00
01:06:58.000 It's crazy. 1.00
01:06:58.000 Like, even when I was thinking about coming here, I didn't tell anybody. 1.00
01:07:02.000 And then someone texted me.
01:07:04.000 He's like, you want to know Austin?
01:07:05.000 I go, how did he know?
01:07:07.000 And then I find out that you mentioned it on a pod.
01:07:10.000 That just shows you the reach of the pod, because I didn't tell anybody, really.
01:07:14.000 Yeah, I told everybody to come.
01:07:16.000 I want everybody to come!
01:07:18.000 I think we can do this without Hollywood.
01:07:20.000 That's what I think.
01:07:22.000 And I think there's not just a responsibility but a beautiful pleasure that I have with the podcast so that I can boost the signal of funny people and help.
01:07:37.000 I love it.
01:07:38.000 I love it.
01:07:38.000 It's one of my favorite things about the podcast is that I can help people know about talented people and help their careers.
01:07:44.000 It's such a paradigm shift.
01:07:48.000 I like seeing what's happened with comedians.
01:07:52.000 We're sort of on the satellite of Hollywood.
01:07:54.000 We're on the outskirts.
01:07:56.000 For the longest time, it's like, put me in your shell.
01:07:58.000 It's always like tap dancing for Mr. Hollywood.
01:08:02.000 But I like what's been going on with, like, you know, Andrew or Tim.
01:08:06.000 Yes.
01:08:07.000 Just funny.
01:08:08.000 Like, you are the product.
01:08:10.000 Yes.
01:08:10.000 Like, you're enough on your own.
01:08:11.000 Right.
01:08:12.000 And it's been really... 0.99
01:08:13.000 These gatekeepers are just fucking things up. 0.99
01:08:16.000 Yeah. 0.98
01:08:17.000 It's been liberating.
01:08:18.000 And I always...
01:08:19.000 Some people will see, like... 1.00
01:08:20.000 It's so easy to see comedians get successful and be like, fuck that. 1.00
01:08:25.000 Fuck him or whatever. 1.00
01:08:26.000 I never have an attitude towards that. 1.00
01:08:28.000 I always...
01:08:28.000 How can I learn from this?
01:08:31.000 Or what's inspiring about this?
01:08:33.000 Like they're taking ownership of their own career.
01:08:35.000 They're not waiting for someone else to tell them that they're good enough.
01:08:38.000 Like they know they're good enough.
01:08:39.000 And no one is in control of the pipe anymore.
01:08:42.000 Back in the day, there was these gatekeepers to the pipe. 0.70
01:08:45.000 But now with YouTube, and even the pandemic, when the pandemic hit, It's terrible, and it sucks, and it has hit a lot of people a certain way.
01:08:53.000 But if you are healthy, and if you take it a certain way, it can be a catalyst for good and change.
01:09:01.000 Because once I couldn't do stand-up anymore, I was like, what can I do?
01:09:05.000 What can I do?
01:09:06.000 So then I started doing more sketches on IG, and then also...
01:09:10.000 We did these things we have in conversation with yourself.
01:09:12.000 Yeah, just like little sketches with myself.
01:09:13.000 It's like quick and dirty.
01:09:14.000 And what's beautiful about IG is it doesn't need to be Dunkirk.
01:09:18.000 That's Instagram for a lot of the people.
01:09:20.000 IG, yeah, sorry for shorthanding.
01:09:22.000 Yeah, so if the idea is strong enough, you can get away with just like playing both characters and just, it's fleeting and there's a romance to that.
01:09:30.000 But it made me do more sketches on IG and grow that way.
01:09:33.000 And then also look at my hard drive.
01:09:35.000 Because I have taped sets from when I was at Comedy Works or when I was in the OR. You put one up today from Comedy Works.
01:09:41.000 We were talking about walking in on someone taking a shit. 0.99
01:09:43.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 0.99
01:09:44.000 So it's really cool because I was like a squirrel saving all these nuts for waiting for Mr. Hollywood to say, all right, you're next up.
01:09:54.000 Like, here's everything.
01:09:56.000 I've been waiting for you to say I'm enough.
01:09:59.000 And I've gone away just seeing the way the landscape has gone.
01:10:02.000 Where I'm like, I don't have to be as precious with my material.
01:10:05.000 I can start releasing shit from my archives, even like past Lance performances.
01:10:10.000 You can hear Jeff Scott laughing in the corner and stuff. 0.96
01:10:13.000 Jeff Scott.
01:10:13.000 Which is so sad, yeah.
01:10:14.000 I miss him.
01:10:15.000 I miss him too.
01:10:16.000 I miss him so much.
01:10:17.000 That made me so sad.
01:10:18.000 And it hit me, coming by surprise, because you don't realize you've been, this person has been a part of your life for so long?
01:10:26.000 Because you just seem like you're doing a set at the comedy store?
01:10:29.000 Well, I have a different situation because I've been with Jeff since 94. 94, 95, I think he came around.
01:10:35.000 And then, you know, we were, I hadn't seen him for so long.
01:10:39.000 And then, when I came back to the store in 2014, he was like one of the first people I saw.
01:10:47.000 Yeah.
01:10:49.000 And he had...
01:10:51.000 He was just always there, man.
01:10:55.000 He was always a sweet guy, always hugging everybody. 0.99
01:11:01.000 When I found out he died, one of the first things I felt like was, I don't think he would have died if it wasn't for this fucking pandemic. 0.99
01:11:08.000 I felt like... 0.99
01:11:12.000 I think it hit a lot of us that way too.
01:11:15.000 He was such a part of the store.
01:11:17.000 He was one of the biggest parts of the store without being a comic.
01:11:20.000 Without being a guy who actually got on stage, he was one of the biggest parts of the store.
01:11:24.000 And that felt like 10 months of him having no connection.
01:11:30.000 He was there every night, man.
01:11:33.000 I hugged that guy every time I saw him.
01:11:36.000 He was like a performer without being a performer.
01:11:41.000 Obviously, he did the piano, but he had such great comedy instincts, having done performing in his past and such.
01:11:48.000 Because you've been to clubs before, and they're sound guys, and they're like...
01:11:51.000 Yeah, they're not really into it.
01:11:52.000 Yeah, they're not.
01:11:53.000 But this guy, he was like jazz, man.
01:11:55.000 Yeah, he was a performer.
01:11:57.000 He was a performer.
01:11:58.000 There have been times when I was doing Lance or whatever, and he would just turn on a certain song, and it was never disruptive.
01:12:04.000 It was always additive.
01:12:07.000 And to think about not having that when we go back...
01:12:12.000 And for it to happen during all of this, too, where you can't even properly process.
01:12:17.000 There was a Zoom room where people could pop in and talk about Jeff and have all these Jeff stories.
01:12:23.000 I had to hop in there.
01:12:25.000 It was so many people.
01:12:27.000 There were so many great comics, big comics, too.
01:12:30.000 The Zoom room was like 100 people.
01:12:33.000 It was great to at least have that.
01:12:35.000 So it sucked to have something that seismic happen in a vacuum.
01:12:39.000 There was a ritual that I would do.
01:12:41.000 Not a ritual, just like a thing that I would always do.
01:12:44.000 Pull into the parking lot, say hi to everybody, hug all the people I saw, and go to the back smoking area, and I'd always find Jeff Scott getting high.
01:12:52.000 Always.
01:12:53.000 I'd get high with him, I'd give him a big hug, and I'd go, how many more people before I go on?
01:12:58.000 And he'd be like, Well, you know, Jeff Ross is on stage now.
01:13:01.000 You got like two more people and then you.
01:13:03.000 I go, okay.
01:13:04.000 And then I'll go.
01:13:05.000 He was a part of the foundation.
01:13:09.000 He was so important, man.
01:13:12.000 When he was gone, I was like, oh my, no!
01:13:16.000 He hurt as much as Brody.
01:13:19.000 It hurt as much as anybody.
01:13:21.000 I agree.
01:13:22.000 And it creeps up on you.
01:13:23.000 You don't realize.
01:13:24.000 Every set that I've done at the Comedy Store, he's been a part of.
01:13:28.000 And what I loved about Jeff is he was willing to play.
01:13:34.000 And play is such a big part.
01:13:35.000 Sometimes stand-up, you can be so self-serious and think that you're Changing the world.
01:13:40.000 There is that, but sometimes it's fun to just have fun.
01:13:44.000 And I would get these harebrained ideas of like, oh, here's a music cue.
01:13:48.000 Let's do this.
01:13:49.000 And he would be chomping at the bit.
01:13:51.000 Because most comics just play up, play off.
01:13:55.000 But if I'm like, I need him to play some piano, or I need him to play this song, he kind of lit up.
01:14:00.000 Because it was like a mini musical or something.
01:14:03.000 And seeing his spark...
01:14:06.000 Because a lot of times I'll go to a city and I'm like, I have these sound cues and you can see them kind of like roll their eyes or like, ugh, it's more work.
01:14:13.000 But Jeff was more than down.
01:14:15.000 And he was embedded in the DNA of the comedy store.
01:14:18.000 He was there for how long?
01:14:19.000 20 years?
01:14:19.000 25 years?
01:14:20.000 More.
01:14:21.000 Yeah, I think he was 26 years when he died.
01:14:24.000 And he's the unofficial archivist of the Comedy Store because that place is notorious for no cameras, no filming.
01:14:32.000 But sometimes he would have his flip cam.
01:14:35.000 He'd also remember everything.
01:14:37.000 Yeah.
01:14:37.000 He had an amazing memory.
01:14:39.000 But he has this amazing catalog of magical moments at that place that now I think the store is working with the family and stuff to try to retrieve.
01:14:47.000 Especially in a pandemic, if you notice the Comedy Store's Instagram...
01:14:51.000 What's unfortunate is that I love that place.
01:14:54.000 You love that place.
01:14:55.000 It's such a magic.
01:14:56.000 But it's this black box.
01:14:58.000 No one knows the magic that happened there.
01:15:01.000 Well, we know.
01:15:02.000 We know.
01:15:02.000 The fans know.
01:15:04.000 There was a lot of people that would go there.
01:15:07.000 Get that band on.
01:15:08.000 Should I get it off?
01:15:09.000 Get that top band, too.
01:15:10.000 You got another band.
01:15:11.000 Taking all the clothes off, man.
01:15:12.000 They had two bands on.
01:15:13.000 I don't understand.
01:15:13.000 The double band thing.
01:15:17.000 Yeah.
01:15:34.000 You know, you started it out this way, and then I could see that you saw that there was a problem with it that way, and then you snuck it in the back door in another way, and then it started to pop.
01:15:44.000 I love those fans.
01:15:44.000 The hardcore ones who can see the process.
01:15:48.000 Like guys who love jazz who don't play any musical instruments.
01:15:50.000 Most people aren't like that.
01:15:52.000 But I've noticed there's two store fans, there's two audiences.
01:15:58.000 There's the physical audience.
01:16:00.000 The people who go there in LA and like that guy can see the nuance.
01:16:04.000 And then there's the online audience.
01:16:07.000 You don't realize how big the store is just sort of culturally and throughout the country.
01:16:11.000 They can't go to the store every day, so they don't know.
01:16:14.000 And it's almost like the online version is their version of the store.
01:16:19.000 So like during the pandemic, I noticed like a lot of Kill Tony clips are posted because those were recorded for posterity.
01:16:27.000 And that's their version.
01:16:28.000 That's like the glimpse into what the store is.
01:16:31.000 Well, it's also the best indication that the store is so integral for the growth and development of the beginning of a comic's career.
01:16:39.000 Because most of the store you see, you'll see someone like Ali Wong, or you see someone like, you know, there's so many of them that are just so established.
01:16:50.000 That by the time you're seeing them, you've already seen them on Comedy Central, you've already seen them, Andrew Santino, whoever it is.
01:16:56.000 You've already seen so much of their stand-up on television that it makes sense that they're there.
01:17:01.000 But to see someone who's literally been doing stand-up for like three times and they go on Kill Tony and we're laughing at them like, ah, that's amazing, that's really good, keep going, keep pushing.
01:17:11.000 Yeah.
01:17:11.000 To track the growth.
01:17:13.000 I think it's very inspiring, too.
01:17:15.000 Especially for me as a comic, even as long as I've been doing it.
01:17:18.000 I remember I got Hulu years ago, and then they had Evening at the Improv on there.
01:17:25.000 They had a back catalog of all these...
01:17:26.000 Bud Friedman?
01:17:27.000 With the monocle?
01:17:29.000 I don't know if I saw Bud, but they just had comedians.
01:17:31.000 You could see Martin Lawrence, you could see Adam Sandler.
01:17:34.000 You could see all these titans of industry.
01:17:38.000 Do their evening at the improvs.
01:17:40.000 Yeah.
01:17:40.000 And they're like a year...
01:17:41.000 They're like two, three years in.
01:17:43.000 And you see them do their set...
01:17:46.000 And they look like any two- or three-year comic.
01:17:49.000 And it's so refreshing to see that, I think, and inspiring as a young comic to know that, like, Bill Burr or anybody who you see, you just think, like, that's impossible.
01:18:00.000 That's attainable, unattainable.
01:18:01.000 I can never be that.
01:18:03.000 They weren't always that.
01:18:04.000 And seeing those Evening at the Improvs shows you that it's a process.
01:18:11.000 That they were just putting the time in.
01:18:13.000 And eventually they grew into who they were.
01:18:15.000 It's a crazy process, too.
01:18:17.000 Because it's so long.
01:18:19.000 Like, it's ten years before you're real.
01:18:22.000 You know, you might have good sets before 10 years.
01:18:26.000 You might do well.
01:18:28.000 But really, it's 10 years until you're a pro.
01:18:30.000 And have had enough data points where you know what to do in every situation.
01:18:34.000 Like a drink spills, you get a heckler, and the OR. I always call the OR the X-Men training room of comedy.
01:18:41.000 It is!
01:18:43.000 Because if you do the OR for multiple years, there's nothing that'll happen to you that you haven't seen before.
01:18:50.000 Especially the early OR. Because the OR before 2007, there was never any real crowd control.
01:18:58.000 Yeah.
01:18:59.000 I had two people throw drinks at me.
01:19:01.000 One guy threw a bottle at me.
01:19:02.000 I've had a girl throw a drink at me. 1.00
01:19:03.000 No, not a bottle.
01:19:03.000 A glass.
01:19:04.000 Threw an actual physical glass at me.
01:19:06.000 One time I had a girl, she threw a solo cup at me, but it's plastic.
01:19:11.000 And I go, is that how smart you are?
01:19:13.000 You don't understand physics?
01:19:16.000 You thought an empty solo cup would reach me?
01:19:18.000 Why did she throw it at you? 0.92
01:19:19.000 I forget.
01:19:20.000 I forget.
01:19:20.000 There was a table full of guys.
01:19:22.000 It was a father and his son and the son's friend. 1.00
01:19:25.000 And they were assholes. 1.00
01:19:27.000 They were like really aggressive assholes. 1.00
01:19:30.000 And I remember I got on stage and they tried to be assholes to me. 1.00
01:19:34.000 And I turned on them. 0.98
01:19:36.000 But I turned on them in a way that they had experienced before. 1.00
01:19:39.000 I go, you guys are pussies. 1.00
01:19:41.000 I go, this is what you are. 1.00
01:19:42.000 What are you, being mean to people that are on stage? 0.99
01:19:45.000 Because you're drunk and you think you're badasses? 1.00
01:19:47.000 I'll fuck up all three of you people. 1.00
01:19:49.000 And there was this weird moment where we're looking at each other. 1.00
01:19:53.000 And I go, you guys are assholes. 1.00
01:19:55.000 You're not cool guys who are interrupting this show. 1.00
01:19:59.000 You're fucking losers. 1.00
01:20:00.000 If you had anything going on in your life, you wouldn't be doing this. 1.00
01:20:02.000 And the guy got up and threw a fucking glass at me. 0.99
01:20:05.000 You know what I love about this moment? 0.99
01:20:06.000 He threw a glass at me like this.
01:20:09.000 Like they've never done it before?
01:20:10.000 No, it wasn't like he wasn't sure if he should try to hurt me. 0.99
01:20:14.000 He wanted to make a statement, but he didn't want me to actually fuck him up. 1.00
01:20:17.000 It was this weird moment where we were looking at each other and I go, you guys are pussies. 1.00
01:20:21.000 And you could see the look in their face like, what? 1.00
01:20:25.000 Like they couldn't believe it because they had been heckling every single fucking comic before me. 0.99
01:20:30.000 It was crazy because there was no crowd. 0.98
01:20:33.000 We're talking like 2002, 2003. There was no crowd control at all.
01:20:39.000 And when I said, you guys are pussies, I go, you guys aren't tough guys. 1.00
01:20:43.000 You're over here yelling, telling people they suck. 1.00
01:20:46.000 I go, you're losers. 1.00
01:20:47.000 You've never accomplished anything. 1.00
01:20:48.000 There's no way you have.
01:20:50.000 And there's this heartfelt moment where the audience started like...
01:20:55.000 Yeah! 1.00
01:20:55.000 I love when that happens because they think that they're the shit and the world revolves around them. 1.00
01:21:01.000 And then when they hear a room full of strangers clap against them, they have to do some inventory. 1.00
01:21:06.000 Like, oh fuck, am I the asshole? 1.00
01:21:08.000 And then it started ramping up. 1.00
01:21:10.000 And then I started laughing at them and making fun of them because he threw the glass at me.
01:21:15.000 And I go, you weren't even trying to hit me!
01:21:18.000 I go, you're so scared!
01:21:20.000 I go, this is you forever!
01:21:21.000 I go, I'm going to forget about you the moment this show ends, and you're going to remember me for the rest of your life.
01:21:26.000 And then we kicked them out.
01:21:27.000 I had to get other comics to come and help kick them out, and then I bought the entire crowd a shot. 0.91
01:21:32.000 I did this multiple times.
01:21:33.000 This is one of the things that I did.
01:21:34.000 I did it like...
01:21:36.000 More than ten times.
01:21:37.000 Where I bought the entire audience a round of drinks.
01:21:40.000 Because I said, look, this is uncomfortable.
01:21:42.000 This is supposed to be like a fun moment of community.
01:21:45.000 We're all together in this crazy live show. 0.98
01:21:47.000 And something happened that's fucked up. 0.92
01:21:48.000 And we can get past this. 0.62
01:21:50.000 And this is why we're going to get past this.
01:21:51.000 I'm going to buy you a drink.
01:21:52.000 So I'd buy everyone a drink.
01:21:53.000 I'd give the waitresses a crazy tip. 1.00
01:21:56.000 So I'd spend thousands of dollars to fill the entire crowd up with drinks.
01:22:01.000 And then I go, but you've got to do this.
01:22:03.000 It's going to take a while for the waitresses to get everyone a drink because there's 150 of us.
01:22:07.000 So let everybody and then we'll all drink together and we'll end this thing.
01:22:11.000 I love those moments at the store because it's just statistics.
01:22:15.000 You do enough shows, that's going to happen.
01:22:17.000 You're going to get that outlier who does that.
01:22:20.000 But we do so many sets, I kind of enjoy when that happens.
01:22:24.000 I'm not going to barrel through it.
01:22:25.000 If you are disruptive enough, I'm going to address it and we're going to have some fun.
01:22:29.000 You have to address it. 0.98
01:22:29.000 I'm going to rip you apart. 0.98
01:22:30.000 And even if it sacrifices the rest of my set, I have another set tomorrow. 1.00
01:22:34.000 I don't give a shit. 0.99
01:22:35.000 It'll blend in for me. 0.99
01:22:37.000 But you're going to remember, like you said, you're going to remember this for the rest of your life.
01:22:40.000 Those guys are probably going to hear this podcast.
01:22:42.000 Maybe. 1.00
01:22:42.000 Fuck that guy! 1.00
01:22:43.000 I should have thrown that drink harder! 1.00
01:22:45.000 But sometimes it's worth sacrificing your set to teach this person a lesson.
01:22:49.000 It didn't even sacrifice my set because fortunately they had been doing it with so many people that they had built up this resentment from the rest of the crowd.
01:22:56.000 People were so angry at them.
01:22:57.000 They needed someone like me to come up and go, what are you doing?
01:22:59.000 Yeah.
01:23:00.000 And I let them spend time.
01:23:02.000 I gave them room.
01:23:03.000 I gave them rope. 0.98
01:23:04.000 I gave them rope before I let them hang themselves.
01:23:07.000 That's my favorite.
01:23:08.000 When the audience...
01:23:11.000 My favorite is when the audience is just here to have fun.
01:23:13.000 I hate those moments.
01:23:15.000 I hate them, but they're the silver lining when you kind of go, like, who hates this guy?
01:23:18.000 And everyone's like, woo!
01:23:20.000 If you're a good comic, you can get through that, and it'll work out.
01:23:24.000 But that's also the benefit of the store post that when I came back in 2014, there was a lot of crowd control.
01:23:31.000 I mean, they had real security there, finally.
01:23:34.000 Whereas before, it was comics acting as security.
01:23:36.000 So you're asking a 110-pound guy to kick out three people.
01:23:40.000 Yes.
01:23:40.000 Excuse me, sir.
01:23:41.000 You're being disruptive.
01:23:42.000 Can you leave?
01:23:44.000 The thing about the store is they would hire comics to do everything, which is beautiful.
01:23:49.000 It was Mitzi's idea.
01:23:50.000 Hire a comic to be the person who takes the tickets.
01:23:55.000 Hire a comic to be the person who seats you.
01:23:57.000 Hire a comic to be The door people, the bartenders, everyone was a comic.
01:24:01.000 Which was good and bad because the good thing was you could legitimately like Tony Hinchcliffe, Ari Shafir, a lot of these guys have gone from being the doorman at the Comedy Store to being a professional.
01:24:15.000 It's one of the reasons why I came back because I had to be there for Ari because he was doing his special At the Comedy Store.
01:24:22.000 I was there.
01:24:22.000 And I remember I was friends with Ari when he was a doorman, when he was an open-miker.
01:24:27.000 I became friends with him when he was just a young guy who was just starting out.
01:24:32.000 And then to see him, I was so proud of him. 0.96
01:24:34.000 To see him there doing a Comedy Central special in the OR, I'm like, this is fucking amazing. 0.97
01:24:41.000 This is amazing. 0.97
01:24:42.000 It was like...
01:24:44.000 A friend having a child.
01:24:46.000 Yeah, totally.
01:24:47.000 To us, it is that, honestly.
01:24:49.000 Yeah, it is.
01:24:50.000 And what I love about the store is that there is an old-school system like that where...
01:24:55.000 There's got to be a better way, though.
01:24:57.000 You need real security.
01:24:59.000 Yes, yes, security-wise.
01:25:00.000 I've talked to people about that when we talk about putting a club in out here.
01:25:04.000 Like, you have to have real security.
01:25:05.000 Yeah, eventually we got real security, but part of the reason I do love the store is that it is very nurturing to young talent, and there is a path, because I think stand-up can seem so nebulous, and especially a place that is so...
01:25:23.000 I don't know, in the consciousness of the world and the U.S., that they have a system like that.
01:25:29.000 Like, okay, I'm a door guy.
01:25:30.000 I'll work my way up.
01:25:31.000 I'll put the time in, and eventually you can climb if you put the work in.
01:25:35.000 There's no other club really has that.
01:25:37.000 No.
01:25:38.000 And no other club has this sort of...
01:25:43.000 There's like a prestige to being a paid regular at the store that doesn't exist anywhere else.
01:25:48.000 There's a prestige to being a Comedy Store comic, you know?
01:25:51.000 I remember one time I was working with Sam Tripoli and Brent Ernst, and we were at the Hollywood Florida Improv. 0.99
01:26:00.000 And we were all working together, and Tripoli crushed, Brent Ernst crushed, and then when he brought me on stage, he high-fives me and goes, Comedy Store, motherfucker! 0.99
01:26:15.000 And I was like, yeah, exactly. 0.99
01:26:17.000 Like the crowd has no idea, but it's an inside thing. 1.00
01:26:19.000 They didn't know, but for us, it was like, yeah, this is like, we learned how to do this shit. 0.99
01:26:24.000 That was when Brent was doing that skater bit. 0.99
01:26:26.000 Did you ever see the skater bit?
01:26:27.000 Oh, yeah, yeah.
01:26:27.000 Didn't he do it on the thing that Sebastian was on?
01:26:29.000 It was like the Wild West comedy tour.
01:26:31.000 Bro.
01:26:31.000 It's a monster bit.
01:26:32.000 It's a monster bit.
01:26:33.000 It was such a good bit, but he did that bit and just destroyed, and then I went on stage after him, and I'll never forget that. 1.00
01:26:38.000 He just looks at me and goes, Comedy store, motherfucker! 0.99
01:26:42.000 And he high-fives me. 1.00
01:26:44.000 But the other problem with that is I have a friend who is an actual philosopher and writes philosophy books.
01:26:50.000 And he said to me, he goes, the problem with that place is not the problem with the place.
01:26:55.000 The problem with the place is the perception that other people have.
01:26:57.000 He goes, it's a walled garden.
01:26:59.000 And he goes, and the people that are outside don't like it.
01:27:02.000 It makes them feel bad.
01:27:03.000 It makes them feel bad they're not accepted.
01:27:05.000 And that's why the place gets so much hate.
01:27:07.000 And if you go there and it doesn't go well for you, especially if you're someone who has a television credit or something like that, or you work at the UCB and you think you deserve a level of respect in the industry and you don't feel like you get it there, you develop this resentment to all these people that do get,
01:27:24.000 they're in, they're in with the in crowd.
01:27:26.000 And you try looking for reasons why they're in.
01:27:28.000 So you try to say it's a white male thing, but then you see Chappelle go up and you're like, well, that still doesn't make sense.
01:27:33.000 It was a male thing. 0.96
01:27:54.000 Where you would see Jesselnik, you know, fucking Whitney, Eliza, Joey Diaz, Theo Vaughn, Ari Shafir. 0.98
01:28:04.000 It's just boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. 0.99
01:28:07.000 Everyone was murdering.
01:28:09.000 On a Tuesday.
01:28:10.000 Yeah, on a Tuesday.
01:28:11.000 Tuesday was one of the best nights to be there.
01:28:12.000 On a Tuesday.
01:28:13.000 On a Tuesday. 0.95
01:28:14.000 If you were outside of that world and you thought that you were just gonna go up with some fucking half-baked references about The Bachelor, you know, and you thought like this is gonna be amazing and you went up and just ate shit and I saw it I saw people that were established comics that now have Netflix specials just eat shit and just walk out angry and frustrated but you shouldn't be frustrated at the Comedy Store you should be frustrated and If anything, 0.90
01:28:41.000 you should just use it as fuel to develop your act and make it bulletproof and make it undeniable. 0.92
01:28:46.000 Because it's not undeniable. 0.58
01:28:48.000 If you were really good, you would have killed.
01:28:50.000 Yeah, instead of getting angry, I always try to use moments like that as introspective lessons.
01:28:56.000 Just, alright, what do I need to change?
01:28:58.000 How do I fix this?
01:28:59.000 Not like, they're wrong.
01:29:00.000 It's like, what can I do to crack this?
01:29:02.000 Because obviously other people did crack it.
01:29:04.000 How can I do it?
01:29:06.000 Those are the most painful moments is the moment after someone kills and then you go up and bomb.
01:29:11.000 So you know it's not the audience.
01:29:13.000 It's you.
01:29:15.000 I remember when I was early in my career, one of the worst bombings I ever had.
01:29:20.000 Like, life-changing. 0.77
01:29:22.000 Like, oh my god, I gotta get my shit together. 0.95
01:29:24.000 Me and Jim Brewer were working together. 0.98
01:29:26.000 And he was the middle act and I was the headliner.
01:29:28.000 And I really wasn't a headliner.
01:29:30.000 I got in the gig, my manager booked me as a headliner, and I would do okay as long as the middle act wasn't that strong.
01:29:37.000 And I was fine all week.
01:29:39.000 But then Saturday night, late show, Brewer was on fire.
01:29:45.000 And if you've ever seen Jim Brewer on fire, Jim Brewer is like unusually physical and he's just funny.
01:29:55.000 He's funny looking.
01:29:56.000 I like Brewer.
01:29:57.000 Voices, physicality.
01:29:59.000 A great guy.
01:30:00.000 So people like him.
01:30:02.000 He's great.
01:30:03.000 And my manager had convinced me that it was a good idea to dress up.
01:30:08.000 So I decided that, oh, I'm dressed nice.
01:30:10.000 I had like a nice shirt on, night pants. 0.98
01:30:11.000 I looked like such a douchebag. 0.92
01:30:14.000 And I was so nervous. 0.98
01:30:16.000 I was so nervous because he crushed so hard. 1.00
01:30:18.000 And I went on stage after him and just ate shit. 0.98
01:30:21.000 I think I was supposed to do 45 and I did 35 and bailed. 1.00
01:30:26.000 Horrific.
01:30:26.000 Yeah.
01:30:27.000 Horrific.
01:30:27.000 But I remember thinking, like, I have some work to do.
01:30:31.000 Like, I have to figure out a way to, first of all, never be so nervous when someone kills.
01:30:36.000 Because it wasn't like it was just a show.
01:30:38.000 It was like, I was trying to figure out, what do I do?
01:30:41.000 What do I open with?
01:30:41.000 What do I start with?
01:30:42.000 I had all these doubts.
01:30:43.000 And those doubts, instead of going on stage and laughing at what he had done and thinking, what a great show this is, like I would do now, I went on stage with fear.
01:30:54.000 The audience smelled it right away and I just bombed.
01:30:57.000 But that was so important for me because that shifted my entire career from that.
01:31:03.000 And this is only like, I was probably like four years in or three or four years in.
01:31:08.000 So from that moment on, like I worked way harder.
01:31:11.000 I worked way harder, and I cut a lot of shit out of my act out, and I concentrated a lot more on writing new stuff, and I tried to figure out what's the best way to go on stage immediately, what's the best way to start off.
01:31:25.000 I got restructured my act.
01:31:26.000 I wrote more.
01:31:27.000 I just got way more intense, way more focused, way more dedicated, because I didn't want to feel that again, that feeling of bombing.
01:31:35.000 Those moments are a gift.
01:31:37.000 Those moments of painful failure are a gift in any aspect of your life, whether it's stand-up comedy or any other discipline. 0.99
01:31:44.000 When you have a moment of total failure and you've had some success in the past, like you know you're capable of making people laugh, but in this time you fucking failed and you failed miserably. 0.71
01:31:55.000 So you have to do an honest assessment of what was it? 0.93
01:31:58.000 What went wrong?
01:31:59.000 What happened?
01:32:00.000 And then regroup.
01:32:02.000 And then refocus.
01:32:03.000 And then re-energize.
01:32:05.000 And come back stronger.
01:32:06.000 Get over that.
01:32:07.000 And that marked a giant shift in my career.
01:32:11.000 I had a level of seriousness until that moment.
01:32:14.000 And then a much more intense level of seriousness after.
01:32:18.000 And I got way funnier after that.
01:32:19.000 Way better.
01:32:21.000 I remember I worked at the same club.
01:32:23.000 There was like a chain of them.
01:32:24.000 And I worked at one of the sister clubs like a year later. 0.99
01:32:29.000 And I remember this manager coming up to me and goes, what the fuck happened to you? 0.89
01:32:32.000 And he goes, dude, you didn't used to be that good. 0.98
01:32:35.000 He goes, what happened? 0.99
01:32:37.000 And I said, I think I just ate shit like one time really hard and realized I never want to eat shit like that again. 0.99
01:32:43.000 But I was honest about it. 0.99
01:32:44.000 Instead of saying, you know, these fucking people need to respect me. 0.99
01:32:47.000 I've been on TV. Yeah. 1.00
01:32:48.000 I got credits.
01:32:49.000 I was like, well, they didn't laugh, so I did something wrong.
01:32:51.000 And it's that painful feeling of introspective thinking where you're looking at yourself and you don't like what you see.
01:33:01.000 A lot of people avoid that.
01:33:03.000 And they start coming up with external...
01:33:06.000 Reasons why they failed or reasons.
01:33:09.000 It's the people.
01:33:10.000 It's the club.
01:33:11.000 It's the environment.
01:33:13.000 It's the audience.
01:33:14.000 It's the booker.
01:33:15.000 It's they didn't respect me.
01:33:16.000 They didn't do this.
01:33:17.000 They didn't do that.
01:33:18.000 But it's not that.
01:33:19.000 It's you.
01:33:19.000 If you bomb, it's you.
01:33:21.000 Yeah, because it's easier to just have your spikes out and look at everything else.
01:33:26.000 It's harder to kind of do it.
01:33:28.000 It's easier momentarily, but over the long haul...
01:33:29.000 Momentarily.
01:33:30.000 Yeah, it's not beneficial to do that.
01:33:32.000 It's terribly unbeneficial.
01:33:34.000 I always...
01:33:35.000 Look, obviously I'm not trying to not do well sometimes, but I found just throughout my career, I've learned the most from a set that doesn't do well.
01:33:44.000 Because on the car ride home, no one works harder than when a set doesn't do well.
01:33:50.000 Right.
01:33:50.000 Because you're like, okay, blah, blah, blah, I've got to change things.
01:33:52.000 If a set does well, you're on cloud nine, and you don't have to do any tweaks.
01:33:58.000 But I like having those moments.
01:34:00.000 Even where I'm at now, If I don't have those every now and then or Joe doesn't do well, I'm not growing anymore.
01:34:07.000 I'm just sort of doing a victory lap.
01:34:09.000 Right, right.
01:34:10.000 And I'm not trying to do that.
01:34:11.000 My best sets have always been after my worst sets.
01:34:14.000 Yes.
01:34:14.000 Sometimes one of the things I do that I know I have an important set, I pretend I bombed.
01:34:19.000 I pretend I bombed during my last set and I just go over my material like I'm terrified.
01:34:25.000 And that level of...
01:34:27.000 Remember the movie Mo' Better Blues with Denzel Washington?
01:34:30.000 Yeah.
01:34:30.000 I don't know if I've seen it.
01:34:31.000 I remember watching it thinking, God damn, musicians practice so much more than comics.
01:34:36.000 Because I would just show up at shows, and it's like, I know my material, I'll just go do it. 0.99
01:34:40.000 But I remember watching these musicians, and I don't know why that Spike Lee movie stuck in my head, but I remember Denzel Washington would not fuck his girlfriend because he had to practice. 0.63
01:34:48.000 I remember thinking, I do not have that kind of dedication. 0.97
01:34:51.000 If I'm hanging around looking at my notes and my girlfriend wanted to fuck, I'm like, well, in my notes, I know my act. 0.99
01:34:58.000 Let's do it. 0.99
01:34:59.000 I like doing that, though.
01:35:00.000 Certain shows, I have a set list.
01:35:03.000 I can deviate from it, but I like maximizing my stage time, knowing what type of show it is and what I want to do on that show.
01:35:12.000 Right, like an experimental show.
01:35:14.000 Yeah, or like David Lucas' show tonight.
01:35:17.000 I might try a new bit.
01:35:19.000 I'm not getting really paid to do this.
01:35:21.000 I'm just... 0.99
01:35:22.000 Fucking around. 1.00
01:35:23.000 I'm fucking around. 1.00
01:35:24.000 I'm doing a 15-minute set. 0.99
01:35:25.000 The whole burden of the show isn't on me.
01:35:26.000 It's not like I'm headlining where people are paying a lot of money to come see me and I have to deliver a certain type of show.
01:35:31.000 So when I'm doing these guest sets and it's not about the money, I can take bigger swings.
01:35:36.000 I can grow.
01:35:38.000 And I've been doing it long enough where I'm not going to bomb, but I can have a lull.
01:35:42.000 I can recover from it.
01:35:43.000 I'm not going to crumble if a joke doesn't do well.
01:35:45.000 But it's affording myself the opportunity to be like, okay, let's try this in there.
01:35:49.000 Let's squeeze this new bit in.
01:35:51.000 Yeah.
01:35:52.000 Yeah, to always be doing that, because...
01:35:54.000 I think of it as cross-training.
01:35:56.000 Yeah.
01:35:56.000 I think, like, you gotta run, and you gotta lift weights, and you also gotta spar.
01:36:00.000 Like, you gotta do a lot of different things.
01:36:02.000 Like, in terms of martial arts, you can't just only spar.
01:36:06.000 Like, you have to do other stuff.
01:36:08.000 Yeah.
01:36:08.000 Like, you have to...
01:36:09.000 And comedy's the same way.
01:36:11.000 You have to write, but you also have to be free.
01:36:13.000 You have to be able to experiment on stage.
01:36:15.000 You have to be improvisational.
01:36:17.000 You have to be able to go with...
01:36:19.000 You ever see when a comic who has a rigid set gets heckled and they ignore the heckle?
01:36:24.000 Yeah, you could do that for so long before you look like a robot.
01:36:27.000 You look like a robot.
01:36:28.000 And then you go, this guy's not addressing the...
01:36:29.000 Because stand-up is all about addressing the reality of the situation second by second.
01:36:35.000 Yeah.
01:36:35.000 And you could do it for like one or two...
01:36:39.000 I think every comic has this moment when you're on stage, at the OR, wherever you might be, and someone's kind of being a little loud, maybe a table, and I'll plow through it.
01:36:48.000 And there's this moment where you go, do I steamroll over them, or do I have to address this?
01:36:54.000 And then sometimes it becomes so egregious, where you gotta be like, what's going on over here?
01:36:59.000 You gotta talk to them.
01:37:01.000 And there can be fun that's had, but if you just keep on steamrolling...
01:37:05.000 The audience loses all faith in you because they're like, this guy's not even present.
01:37:11.000 Also, they can see that you recognize.
01:37:14.000 If you've got some crowd that's really talky and loud right there, and you're doing this, and you're like, I don't understand why anybody...
01:37:21.000 And then you see that this guy notices, but they don't address it.
01:37:26.000 They're little animals.
01:37:27.000 They can smell you.
01:37:29.000 They can sniff it.
01:37:29.000 They smell you.
01:37:30.000 Because it's all about being real.
01:37:31.000 Yeah, it's also all about actually being in the moment.
01:37:34.000 You could say the exact same words and not be thinking about what you're saying and saying them the right way with the right cadence and they won't laugh.
01:37:42.000 But if you're tuned in and you're really concentrated on what you're thinking, Then they'll feel you.
01:37:50.000 That's the trick, right?
01:37:51.000 Because if you've got a subject you've done on stage 30 times, you've done 30 nights in a row, you've been working on this bit, you've got to pretend, or at least you've got to address it, like this is the first time you're saying it.
01:38:02.000 Yeah, you have to access the feeling you had when you wrote it.
01:38:06.000 That's a good way to put it.
01:38:07.000 And it is almost like a performance or a play.
01:38:10.000 Yeah.
01:38:11.000 And you're there again from when you wrote it.
01:38:15.000 Yeah.
01:38:15.000 And you're delivering it in the moment.
01:38:17.000 Right. 0.97
01:38:17.000 And if something happens, I can go off track and address these shitheads in the corner or whatever and then go back to it. 0.97
01:38:24.000 But that's not a skill. 0.57
01:38:25.000 Like being nimble, I always think that's such a skill that comes later in life or just doing stand-up.
01:38:31.000 The ability to be nimble, to go off script and on script is huge.
01:38:36.000 That's why there's no substitute for stage time.
01:38:38.000 Yes, stage time.
01:38:40.000 Like, I'll get DMs sometimes from Young Comics and they're like, how do I get at the store?
01:38:45.000 They just want to go to the top immediately.
01:38:47.000 Yeah, of course.
01:38:48.000 And it's not about...
01:38:50.000 And you'll see just maybe New York, LA as well, they just want to go to the...
01:38:54.000 They think they're ready for the prime time immediately.
01:38:57.000 But it's not about that.
01:38:58.000 Like, that'll come when it comes.
01:39:00.000 Your only focus right now, if you're a new comic, is stage time.
01:39:03.000 You can't skip steps.
01:39:05.000 That's the beauty of...
01:39:08.000 The one thing I love about stand-up, like I'm fortunate enough to get writing opportunities and acting opportunities when they come, but stand-up is one of the rare art forms where you can't skip steps.
01:39:18.000 You can't hide in editing.
01:39:21.000 No.
01:39:22.000 You're up there for 15 minutes, for 20 minutes, an hour, whatever it is.
01:39:30.000 Don't you think it's so fascinating how you watch a comic and you can almost tell a friend how long they've been doing it?
01:39:36.000 Sometimes.
01:39:37.000 Yeah.
01:39:38.000 Yeah.
01:39:38.000 But sometimes even a guy who's smooth and polished, if their bits lack depth, you go, oh, he's comfortable up there, but he doesn't have the ability to take something into deep water.
01:39:53.000 Yeah, you scratch the surface.
01:39:55.000 I take it for granted that I've been doing it long enough where if you're in the clubs night after night, you kind of know what is base.
01:40:04.000 What is just scratching the surface?
01:40:06.000 Like what is hack or a trope?
01:40:11.000 But you don't know that.
01:40:12.000 If you're a year in or two years, everything's so new to you.
01:40:14.000 How would you know that?
01:40:16.000 But I think we have the luxury of doing it long enough where you go...
01:40:21.000 Our brain is wired a certain way where we go deeper.
01:40:24.000 Yeah.
01:40:25.000 Yeah.
01:40:25.000 There's so many different things going on.
01:40:27.000 Like you can see people that are really worried about their image.
01:40:31.000 See people that are really worried about people liking them.
01:40:33.000 They dress a certain way, act a certain way, and then they'll tell a joke and be really hoping that it gets a laugh, and the audience knows that they're hoping it gets a laugh, and they don't give it to them.
01:40:46.000 And you see that fear in their eye, and then they move on to another subject, and you're like, oh my god, you're dead.
01:40:51.000 You're already dead.
01:40:51.000 You know what I've realized?
01:40:52.000 One of the lessons I've learned from stand-up is it's almost more important than the jokes.
01:40:58.000 Obviously the jokes need to be there, but...
01:41:00.000 The audience knowing that you're comfortable on stage, I think, is almost 90 or 95% of stand-up.
01:41:07.000 It's a lot.
01:41:08.000 Just knowing that you're enough without the crowd, not needing anything from the crowd.
01:41:12.000 Obviously, you want them to laugh, but that you'll be okay.
01:41:16.000 I have this quote where I've created a Word doc, just like lessons I've learned throughout life, whether it pertains to stand-up or whether it pertains to life.
01:41:27.000 And like one of my big ones as of recently, maybe the last three or four years, is be comfortable being observed.
01:41:37.000 Mmm.
01:41:38.000 Which seems like a given in stand-up, because you're on stage and such.
01:41:44.000 But you'll see comics who are up there and doing jokes, but they're not comfortable being observed.
01:41:48.000 But I think it applies to life, even, too.
01:41:50.000 Because there was a time in my life where I'd be at Coffee Bean or something, and I'd be worried that, like, I'm taking too long with the half and half, or with the sugars, and that I'm holding up a lot.
01:42:01.000 That someone's waiting?
01:42:02.000 Yeah, that someone's waiting, and I'm taking too much time.
01:42:04.000 Yeah.
01:42:05.000 But then...
01:42:05.000 Just one day I was like, I'm not being egregious with how long I'm taking the time that it takes.
01:42:12.000 I was born.
01:42:14.000 I'm allowed to be here on this earth.
01:42:17.000 It takes the time it takes.
01:42:19.000 And when I'm done, I'm done.
01:42:20.000 I don't have to rush.
01:42:21.000 I just have to take the time that it takes to do this thing.
01:42:24.000 And I'm not this I'm in everyone's way is imaginary and it's debilitating.
01:42:31.000 And, like, moving through life at the pace that you're supposed to.
01:42:37.000 That's also a very West Coast thing.
01:42:39.000 Because on the East Coast, everybody's like, come on!
01:42:41.000 Come on! 0.61
01:42:41.000 Let's go! 0.61
01:42:42.000 And there's a benefit to that, too.
01:42:44.000 I guess.
01:42:44.000 But you have to be pretty.
01:42:46.000 You have to be, like, a tourist, like, looking up at the skyscrapers and doing, like...
01:42:49.000 I take the time it takes to do sugar and half and half.
01:42:52.000 I'm not going to be like...
01:42:54.000 Yeah, there's that, but there's also the awareness that people want you to hurry up, because they're behind them.
01:43:00.000 Like, there's both things.
01:43:02.000 Yes.
01:43:02.000 There's both things.
01:43:03.000 One of the beautiful things about the East Coast, doing East Coast comedy, this is, I think, attributable to cold weather.
01:43:10.000 Cold weather and immigrants. 1.00
01:43:12.000 Mm-hmm.
01:43:14.000 Yeah.
01:43:35.000 There really is. 0.96
01:43:37.000 They have a very short attention span for nonsense.
01:43:41.000 And if they work all day and they're tired and they go out to a comedy show, they want to be entertained.
01:43:47.000 Let's go. 0.99
01:43:47.000 They don't want self-indulgent, nonsensical bullshit. 0.99
01:43:50.000 And one of the things about growing up in Boston that was really excellent... 0.98
01:43:54.000 And you look at the comics that came out of Boston, whether it's Bill Burr, myself, Patrice, there's a lot of guys who came out of Boston that have this like, let's go!
01:44:07.000 There's very little pause in between the bits.
01:44:10.000 There's a recognition and an acknowledgement of the audience's attention span.
01:44:15.000 Because you kind of have to have that.
01:44:17.000 Yeah.
01:44:17.000 And you have to realize, don't be self-indulgent.
01:44:20.000 These fucking people worked all day, and they're tired, and they want you to entertain them. 0.99
01:44:25.000 That's what you're there for. 0.99
01:44:26.000 And you can't take yourself too seriously, and don't be too casual up there.
01:44:31.000 Let's go.
01:44:33.000 I agree with that.
01:44:34.000 Just sort of to be tight, to have your set be tight and not be self-indulgent.
01:44:38.000 But I think there's a risk with early comics where they just kind of like, they don't let a bit breathe enough or explore within it.
01:44:46.000 And I think the lesson I learned was that...
01:44:49.000 It's like I've been doing it long enough where you can let the joke breathe or take these moments.
01:44:54.000 Yeah.
01:44:56.000 And I think it applies to life as well because I used to move through life like I'm bothering everybody or I'm an encumbrance.
01:45:02.000 Yeah.
01:45:02.000 Whereas now it's sort of like I'm not being a grease.
01:45:05.000 I'm not taking too much time with the sugar in the aftermath.
01:45:08.000 It's funny that you keep going back to that.
01:45:10.000 Like I've been traumatized?
01:45:12.000 Sugar and half and half.
01:45:13.000 It's a microcosm.
01:45:14.000 It's a microcosm for everything else.
01:45:16.000 As long as you're not taking too much time, it's okay to move through life in the allotted time that you are allowed.
01:45:24.000 Because sometimes people will nip things too soon and you don't get to milk the bit for as long as it needs to be.
01:45:29.000 Right, right, right.
01:45:30.000 I know what you mean.
01:45:31.000 Yeah.
01:45:32.000 I think it comes with proficiency, too, right?
01:45:34.000 Like, you know you're good enough.
01:45:36.000 The bits have real merit.
01:45:40.000 And you know, like, you can hit them with a big laugh and then hold on to it.
01:45:44.000 And, like, you're proficient.
01:45:45.000 Yeah.
01:45:45.000 You know what you're doing.
01:45:46.000 That comes with doing it and then also trusting the writing that you've done.
01:45:52.000 Yeah.
01:45:53.000 Because sometimes there are some bits that I do where I tell the joke or maybe I'm setting something up and they're Being comfortable in the silence.
01:46:01.000 That's something that I learned at the OR. Because before, some comics become steamrollers.
01:46:08.000 And if they don't hear laughs every two or three seconds...
01:46:11.000 Yeah.
01:46:12.000 But then the audience recognizes you're panicky.
01:46:16.000 It's hypnotism.
01:46:17.000 Chappelle is so great at this as well.
01:46:20.000 I love comedy that can...
01:46:24.000 You get these huge pops.
01:46:27.000 It's just sort of like...
01:46:28.000 If you look at the graph of the laughs and everything, it's like jazz.
01:46:33.000 I mean, it sounds cliche, but you can be like, pop, pop, all uppercuts.
01:46:36.000 But I love a jab.
01:46:38.000 I love a hook.
01:46:39.000 I love an uppercut.
01:46:40.000 I love just like hugging and...
01:46:42.000 Yeah.
01:46:43.000 That's comedy to me, just being able to paint with all the colors.
01:46:46.000 Because I think a lot of the downfall, which can be successful in the short run, is just like all uppercuts.
01:46:53.000 But then it becomes formulaic.
01:46:55.000 Yeah.
01:46:57.000 It's the need to get a response constantly to reaffirm your position.
01:47:02.000 Yeah.
01:47:02.000 Yeah, just not needing that validation.
01:47:05.000 Just realizing I'm enough for the idea.
01:47:08.000 You know what's around the corner.
01:47:09.000 The audience doesn't.
01:47:10.000 So it's kind of cool.
01:47:12.000 Don't you see the pitfalls?
01:47:13.000 Like sometimes you watch a young comic or a comic that's not that good yet, and you see what's holding them back, and it's almost like you wish you could tell them, but you can't.
01:47:25.000 You could.
01:47:27.000 Maybe.
01:47:27.000 Dude, he would like put that on his vision board or he would like put it in a scrapbook.
01:47:31.000 I've had some conversations with comics where I try to tell them they don't want to hear it.
01:47:36.000 Like, okay.
01:47:37.000 Really?
01:47:37.000 Even with where you're at?
01:47:39.000 You give them notes and they go, I don't want to hear it?
01:47:40.000 Yeah, yeah.
01:47:41.000 I was, you know, what I'll say, you gotta edit.
01:47:45.000 If this bit is a really funny bit, but it goes too long, you gotta edit.
01:47:49.000 And you see them the next time, they're doing the same thing.
01:47:52.000 Like, you know there's funny parts of that bit, and then you're trying to milk it.
01:47:55.000 But you lose the confidence of the audience, because that other stuff is not that funny. 0.99
01:47:59.000 And I'm like, you have to recognize that you have to kill your babies. 0.98
01:48:03.000 Meaning that's a writing phrase. 1.00
01:48:05.000 You have to edit.
01:48:07.000 And sometimes you get really attached to some of the work that you've created.
01:48:11.000 And you don't want to edit it out.
01:48:14.000 Like, I've got some great bits that never made it onto CDs or comedy specials.
01:48:19.000 And I had a friend of mine the other day bring up, like, whatever happened to that bit?
01:48:22.000 I go, dude, that bit has never been onto anything.
01:48:25.000 And I'm like, that bit was a killer.
01:48:26.000 I never had a place for it.
01:48:28.000 Yo, I know what you're saying.
01:48:30.000 There are bits I have that smash in the 15-minute set at the OR or whatever, but in my hour, it has no home.
01:48:37.000 Yeah.
01:48:38.000 There's a difference between, I always liken creating a joke.
01:48:43.000 A joke is like a single.
01:48:45.000 And a set is like an album.
01:48:48.000 So just because you have a great joke doesn't mean it belongs on the album.
01:48:51.000 So it's like a movie.
01:48:52.000 It's like a movie.
01:48:53.000 You gotta cut scenes out sometimes.
01:48:54.000 Gotta cut scenes out.
01:48:55.000 Yeah.
01:48:55.000 Yeah.
01:48:56.000 And you gotta cut sections of bits out.
01:48:59.000 There's a phrase that I always use with comics that I want them to really have it in your toolbox.
01:49:06.000 It's the economy of words.
01:49:08.000 You have to be able to get...
01:49:09.000 It's huge.
01:49:10.000 You have to be able to get to the point before the audience knows what your point is.
01:49:14.000 And then it pops.
01:49:15.000 The master... 0.90
01:49:32.000 I love transvestites. 1.00
01:49:34.000 They cook. 0.68
01:49:35.000 They clean.
01:49:35.000 You can beat on them every once in a while.
01:49:37.000 The cops come.
01:49:38.000 Who they gonna believe?
01:49:39.000 Me or some dude with a wig and a black eye.
01:49:42.000 There's no support groups for these people.
01:49:44.000 It's a bit where it's so preposterous.
01:49:48.000 Like you're seeing a guy with a wig and a black eye cooking and the cops come.
01:49:52.000 There's so many different things going on there.
01:49:54.000 But there's no fat in that. 0.99
01:49:57.000 Because he's an East Coast guy who comes from this shit-talking background and he was in prison. 1.00
01:50:03.000 For fucking kidnapping a drug dealer with a machine gun. 1.00
01:50:06.000 You know what I'm saying? 1.00
01:50:07.000 There's no room for nonsense.
01:50:10.000 There's no room for self-indulgence in that world.
01:50:12.000 And so all his jokes come at you like that.
01:50:15.000 Joey Diaz is the king of the 20-minute set. 0.57
01:50:18.000 He can murder.
01:50:19.000 In 20 minutes, he can hit frequencies and RPMs that no one can hit.
01:50:24.000 Yeah, I've seen it.
01:50:25.000 It's crazy.
01:50:26.000 It's insane.
01:50:27.000 You've seen it.
01:50:28.000 People don't know.
01:50:29.000 If you watch his comedies, he's got a couple comedy specials.
01:50:32.000 They're good, but they're not representative. 0.99
01:50:34.000 You've got to see him live when he doesn't give a fuck in the moment. 0.98
01:50:38.000 It's in the moment. 0.98
01:50:39.000 I've seen that with certain comics where you see them live and it's like this otherworldly thing.
01:50:45.000 When you try to capture it on film, it's different.
01:50:49.000 First of all, you're not there in the crowd.
01:50:51.000 That's a part of it.
01:50:53.000 Live performances are so much better.
01:50:55.000 When you watch a recorded performance, whether any of my best specials probably triggered, it's maybe 70% as good as actually being there.
01:51:05.000 Maybe 60. Being there is better.
01:51:08.000 Being there is just better.
01:51:09.000 You're there.
01:51:10.000 You feel it.
01:51:11.000 You sit down.
01:51:12.000 When I go to a show today, if I go to a show like...
01:51:15.000 I went to see Bill Burr when he was out here.
01:51:16.000 He was performing at one of the theaters out here.
01:51:18.000 Got to hang out with him.
01:51:20.000 It was beautiful.
01:51:20.000 Got to sit down and watch his show.
01:51:22.000 But being there, I was like, I'm going to see a show.
01:51:25.000 It's a feeling in the air.
01:51:26.000 Ladies and gentlemen, Bill Burr!
01:51:28.000 Everybody goes crazy and claps, and you're sitting there.
01:51:31.000 It's exciting.
01:51:32.000 You're there. 0.98
01:51:33.000 You're physically in the presence of a guy who's just on top of his fucking game, and it's fun. 0.99
01:51:40.000 It's exciting. 0.99
01:51:41.000 It's in the air.
01:51:42.000 You can smell it.
01:51:43.000 It's like firewood burning.
01:51:45.000 There's something about it.
01:51:47.000 Ah, there's something about it.
01:51:49.000 It makes you feel good.
01:51:50.000 You're there.
01:51:50.000 There's people there.
01:51:51.000 You look around.
01:51:52.000 You see these people.
01:51:53.000 They're really there.
01:51:54.000 You could walk up to that person and shake their hand.
01:51:57.000 They're right there.
01:51:57.000 That's real.
01:51:58.000 There's a lived, felt moment.
01:52:02.000 You feel it.
01:52:03.000 You don't feel it when you're watching TV. You get a facsimile.
01:52:07.000 You get a reasonable version of what it would have been like if you had been there seeing Jimi Hendrix at Woodstock.
01:52:14.000 When he's there... 1.00
01:52:15.000 You don't get that from a fucking television! 1.00
01:52:20.000 You kind of get it. 1.00
01:52:22.000 So you have to be so much better than the way it's going to come off on television.
01:52:29.000 Because on television, it's only going to be a fraction of as good as what it really is when you're there live.
01:52:33.000 And there's also the comfort thing.
01:52:36.000 One of the things that I put, Bill Hicks' Relentless.
01:52:39.000 He had a one-set special.
01:52:42.000 One set, in a theater, on HBO. You know, ready?
01:52:46.000 Here it is. 1.00
01:52:47.000 This is your whole fucking life's work. 1.00
01:52:49.000 Go! 1.00
01:52:50.000 This is the most people that are ever going to see your material ever.
01:52:53.000 Go! 0.95
01:52:54.000 And there's a theater with thousands of people.
01:52:56.000 He does one set and you can tell he's kind of tense.
01:52:58.000 It's not as good.
01:52:59.000 I've seen Hicks live.
01:53:00.000 I saw Hicks live several times. 0.99
01:53:03.000 I saw him live at the Comedy Connection in Boston in 1988 when no one knew who the fuck he was and he murdered. 0.99
01:53:14.000 Murdered in this preposterous way. 0.99
01:53:16.000 And I've seen Joey Diaz...
01:53:19.000 Do a set that Bill Hooks couldn't hope to follow.
01:53:22.000 Couldn't hope to follow.
01:53:23.000 No one could hope to follow. 0.93
01:53:25.000 He hits these moments where he says things you can't fucking believe he sang. 0.96
01:53:30.000 He's also a human cartoon. 0.97
01:53:33.000 Just looking at him is hilarious.
01:53:36.000 And he's free.
01:53:38.000 He's free.
01:53:38.000 He's free.
01:53:39.000 And he's high as fuck. 1.00
01:53:40.000 He's literally in another dimension, like looking at the world through a dirty windshield. 1.00
01:53:45.000 Yeah.
01:53:46.000 I remember he'd come by the store, and he's such a sweetheart, man.
01:53:50.000 Like, I didn't know that.
01:53:50.000 I just know, before he started coming around the store, you just know him as kind of this entity or whatever.
01:53:55.000 But he's like the nicest dude.
01:53:56.000 He'll call you, he'll text you, he'll be like, how you doing?
01:53:59.000 Well, he came back when I came back.
01:54:00.000 Oh, okay, okay.
01:54:01.000 Yeah.
01:54:02.000 He came back when I came back in 2014. That's when he returned.
01:54:05.000 He was the first to leave.
01:54:07.000 He left even before I left.
01:54:09.000 To Jersey, right?
01:54:10.000 No, no, no.
01:54:11.000 He moved to Jersey recently, but he left the store.
01:54:16.000 Before I left in 2007, he had already left.
01:54:19.000 Might he leave? 1.00
01:54:20.000 He just felt like that fucking store was fucked up. 1.00
01:54:23.000 He didn't like Tommy. 1.00
01:54:24.000 He didn't like the way they were running it.
01:54:26.000 He didn't like a lot of things.
01:54:28.000 He didn't like Pauly.
01:54:29.000 He didn't like a lot of things.
01:54:30.000 Joey Diaz is very sensitive.
01:54:32.000 Joey Diaz will not accept a text message from you.
01:54:34.000 You have to call him. 0.99
01:54:36.000 Don't fucking text message me. 1.00
01:54:38.000 Call me, cocksucker. 1.00
01:54:39.000 You gotta call him. 1.00
01:54:40.000 He wants to hear you.
01:54:41.000 He wants to hear your voice.
01:54:42.000 He goes, I go, how come you don't like text messages?
01:54:45.000 He goes, I'm insecure.
01:54:46.000 I want to hear your voice.
01:54:47.000 I want to know you love me.
01:54:49.000 I go, you know I love you. 0.98
01:54:50.000 He goes, I know you fucking love me, Joe Rogan. 0.96
01:54:52.000 I want to hear everybody's voice. 0.98
01:54:54.000 I want to hear your voice.
01:54:55.000 I want to talk to you.
01:54:56.000 He wants to talk to you.
01:54:57.000 He's right.
01:54:58.000 He's right.
01:54:59.000 The same thing with being there.
01:55:01.000 How many people have gotten in weird disagreements with friends on Twitter?
01:55:05.000 Have you ever seen that? 0.98
01:55:06.000 Where two people are disputing shit on Twitter? 0.98
01:55:09.000 You're like, what are you doing? 0.99
01:55:10.000 So much can be lost over text.
01:55:12.000 Everything can be lost.
01:55:13.000 It's better to just talk to someone.
01:55:15.000 Everything is better in person.
01:55:17.000 I think there's very few human beings that I've ever had a disagreement with in whether it's an email or a text or they've seen something, they didn't like it on a podcast and they've tweeted about it or something.
01:55:32.000 If you're there talking to me, I think?
01:55:51.000 The way people communicate through these alternative forms of expression, they're not good.
01:55:59.000 You know they're not good.
01:56:00.000 It's a way to snipe at someone without actually having to confront their retort.
01:56:05.000 It's very weak.
01:56:06.000 I don't engage in it.
01:56:08.000 I mean, I used to until I figured it out, but I don't have any Twitter beefs.
01:56:14.000 I have zero.
01:56:15.000 I don't either.
01:56:15.000 I just kind of let them, whatever they need to say, they need to say.
01:56:18.000 I reach out to people. 0.97
01:56:19.000 I've had a few people say shit about me on Twitter and I reach out to them. 0.88
01:56:23.000 And I'm like, look, that's not true. 0.95
01:56:25.000 Like, you don't...
01:56:26.000 I think sometimes they don't expect you to even reach out. 1.00
01:56:29.000 So they're like, oh, shit. 1.00
01:56:30.000 And then they kind of do a 180. Reach out. 1.00
01:56:32.000 I've reached out through text and say, let's have a phone call.
01:56:34.000 And I have a few of those conversations like, I can't right now.
01:56:37.000 And they never do. 0.99
01:56:38.000 Because they're cowards. 0.99
01:56:39.000 They just don't want to... 0.98
01:56:40.000 And even a phone call is not as good as being in front of me.
01:56:42.000 If you were in front of me and we were talking, you'd realize, like, I'm not a bad person.
01:56:46.000 Like, it's...
01:56:48.000 We're just...
01:56:49.000 We're missing communication.
01:56:51.000 We're not...
01:56:52.000 We're not syncing up.
01:56:53.000 And you get angry and attribute your own life's failings.
01:56:57.000 And it's usually people that are unhappy with some aspect of their life.
01:57:01.000 Whether it's their recognition or their accomplishments or something.
01:57:06.000 They always feel like they deserve more than they've achieved.
01:57:10.000 And then they'll be angry.
01:57:13.000 Or something.
01:57:14.000 There's something wrong.
01:57:15.000 There's some underlying thing that...
01:57:17.000 Leads to a lack of compassionate dialogue with a person that you know.
01:57:22.000 You know, it's like it's unnecessary.
01:57:24.000 And it's almost always because someone is insecure or falling short or they have to come up with some way to diminish other people.
01:57:33.000 It's really unnecessary.
01:57:35.000 Yeah, it's easy to put people in a box.
01:57:37.000 I've always found just like once you kind of talk to them face-to-face, people are people.
01:57:40.000 Yeah.
01:57:41.000 They may have difference of opinions or whatever, but like once you're face-to-face, they'll surprise you with the humanity and such.
01:57:47.000 And a lot is lost over Twitter and text and such.
01:57:49.000 Especially face-to-face with no audience, right?
01:57:52.000 Where you don't have to like perform to other people that are watching it.
01:57:57.000 You know, like when people can just be human face-to-face.
01:58:00.000 I think we're in an adolescent stage of communication, and I think the next level of technology is going to elevate discourse.
01:58:09.000 I think that what we're dealing with now through Twitter and through all these other things, we've expanded the way people can contact each other, but we've limited the way you can express yourself and limited the human interaction. 0.97
01:58:25.000 So the beautiful thing about it is someone can express themselves like a whistleblower who's working at a chemical plant can express that this plant is dumping toxic shit into the river and it's killing fish.
01:58:39.000 There's beautiful things about Twitter and about social media and about all these different things. 0.91
01:58:44.000 You can expose things that are currently happening right now that are bad.
01:58:49.000 The bad thing is it's a very limited way of expression, a limited way of communication.
01:58:59.000 It's not human.
01:59:01.000 Anybody can write something down in a text and there's all this room for interpretation of what that actually means or who the person is that's saying that or what's their motivation.
01:59:13.000 Yeah.
01:59:13.000 The unfortunate thing about it is, you know, it's a very powerful tool and all that, but it strips away intent, which I always think is a catalyst for disaster.
01:59:24.000 Like, oh, I didn't mean it that way.
01:59:25.000 And then you can't even sort of explain your position until it becomes...
01:59:29.000 Yeah.
01:59:30.000 We're constantly looking to, like, call people out, right?
01:59:34.000 That's the thing that's going on right now.
01:59:35.000 People are looking to call people out, constantly call people out.
01:59:38.000 I think there's an atrophy to it, though.
01:59:40.000 People are a little tired of it, because we've been through this rodeo enough where it's like, you can only see the sky's falling how many times before you're like, is this really a scandal?
01:59:49.000 Right, right.
01:59:50.000 And there's also the people that have called people out. 1.00
01:59:53.000 Then you start looking into their life like, oh, bitch, you're crazy. 1.00
01:59:58.000 And then we all know crazy people. 1.00
02:00:00.000 And we're all like, oh, we all know people that blame everyone else but themselves.
02:00:05.000 Also, I'm curious.
02:00:06.000 Did you hear about the Armie Hammer cannibal thing?
02:00:09.000 I don't know what happened with that.
02:00:10.000 I don't know that much either. 0.92
02:00:11.000 Listen, I've done an amazing job of filtering out bullshit over the last year or so of my life.
02:00:17.000 I'm very proud of myself. 0.94
02:00:18.000 So I look at that and I'm like, I don't even know who that dude is.
02:00:20.000 He's an actor.
02:00:21.000 I don't know all of the facts and all that, but to me it seems like it's some weird kink he has.
02:00:28.000 He wants to eat people?
02:00:30.000 Unless he has a freezer.
02:00:31.000 Oh.
02:00:33.000 With like human body parts?
02:00:34.000 What did he do for...
02:00:35.000 What was his role?
02:00:36.000 I think sometimes we would text...
02:00:38.000 He was the Winklevoss twins in the social network.
02:00:40.000 He played both roles of the brothers.
02:00:42.000 Yeah.
02:00:43.000 He's like a pretty big actor.
02:00:44.000 He's like a movie star.
02:00:44.000 I didn't watch that movie.
02:00:46.000 Really?
02:00:46.000 No.
02:00:47.000 Army Hammer?
02:00:48.000 No, he was in Call Me By Your Name.
02:00:50.000 Yeah, I didn't watch that movie.
02:00:51.000 Okay.
02:00:52.000 Yeah, the Facebook movie.
02:00:53.000 I felt like... 0.99
02:00:55.000 The problem with that Facebook movie is that's a fucking recreation of actual conversations. 0.99
02:00:59.000 I hate those things. 0.99
02:01:01.000 It's like the Jackie Robinson movie.
02:01:03.000 Jackie, go out there and knock it out of the park. 1.00
02:01:05.000 Who fucking said that? 0.99
02:01:06.000 Are you sure that guy said that? 1.00
02:01:08.000 You're putting words in people's mouths.
02:01:11.000 I saw the movie on a plane and I was like, that movie was just racism followed by home runs.
02:01:17.000 Jackie Robinson.
02:01:18.000 Yeah, just like, we don't serve apple pie to your kind. 0.99
02:01:21.000 And then, I was wrong about you.
02:01:23.000 I didn't watch that movie either.
02:01:25.000 I don't like recreations, you know?
02:01:28.000 Like, Lone Survivor, the Marky Mark movie.
02:01:35.000 I know Marcus Luttrell, the guy who the movie was based on.
02:01:38.000 Oh, was that the Clint Eastwood one?
02:01:40.000 No, that was the Sniper movie about Kyle...
02:01:45.000 Yeah.
02:01:46.000 Chris Kyle.
02:01:47.000 Was he like Gladiator?
02:01:48.000 Well, Gladiator's about a time where no one knew anybody that was there.
02:01:52.000 I know, but...
02:01:53.000 I know Marcus Luttrell.
02:01:54.000 Do you understand the difference between that?
02:01:56.000 You don't know Gladiator?
02:01:56.000 No.
02:01:57.000 Marcus is my friend.
02:01:58.000 I text Marcus Luttrell.
02:01:59.000 Like, I know who he is, and Marky Marcus playing him in a movie.
02:02:03.000 I'm like, this is crazy.
02:02:04.000 I can't even watch it.
02:02:05.000 I have to watch because Marcus is going to come on the podcast.
02:02:07.000 I haven't watched that movie.
02:02:08.000 Huh.
02:02:09.000 I don't like recreations of real life stories.
02:02:12.000 They bother me.
02:02:13.000 I like documentaries.
02:02:14.000 I love documentaries.
02:02:15.000 I love documentaries.
02:02:16.000 But there's a thing about recreations where you put words in someone's mouth.
02:02:20.000 Like when they do a Lincoln movie.
02:02:22.000 Like the Daniel Day-Lewis Lincoln movie.
02:02:24.000 I didn't watch that. 0.99
02:02:25.000 I'm like, bitch, you don't know if Lincoln said that. 0.99
02:02:27.000 I watch Vampire Slayer and I go, that's Lincoln? 1.00
02:02:30.000 That was a good one.
02:02:31.000 I don't know that he slayed vampires.
02:02:32.000 Abraham Lincoln Vampire Slayer is the best Lincoln movie ever.
02:02:36.000 You're afraid the slaves and did that?
02:02:38.000 What was my point?
02:02:40.000 Armie Hammer. 0.99
02:02:40.000 What the fuck did he do? 0.99
02:02:42.000 I mean, I only have a cursory knowledge of it. 0.99
02:02:45.000 He wasn't a superhero?
02:02:47.000 No, they were saying he's a cannibal.
02:02:49.000 But he wasn't a superhero in a movie?
02:02:51.000 Armie Hammer.
02:02:52.000 He was a man named Uncle and Lone Ranger.
02:02:53.000 Lone Ranger! 1.00
02:02:55.000 Lone Ranger's a superhero, bitch. 1.00
02:02:58.000 Is it Man Called Uncle? 1.00
02:02:59.000 No.
02:03:00.000 Yeah.
02:03:00.000 That's a great movie.
02:03:01.000 I like it.
02:03:02.000 Was he the superhero with Johnny Depp?
02:03:07.000 Let me see what he looks like.
02:03:08.000 If you saw him...
02:03:09.000 Armie Hammer with Johnny Depp.
02:03:11.000 Johnny Depp, by the way, is probably the dopest tanto of all time.
02:03:15.000 That's him? 0.54
02:03:16.000 How dope does Johnny Depp look?
02:03:18.000 Let's focus on that. 1.00
02:03:19.000 Look at that fucking... 1.00
02:03:20.000 Look at that thing with him with the crow. 1.00
02:03:22.000 You know, people got mad at Johnny Depp because he was playing one of the Comanches, and the Comanches did horrific things. 1.00
02:03:29.000 They literally roasted their enemies alive, chopped their arms and legs off, and threw them on bonfires.
02:03:35.000 And people are like, Johnny Depp is playing one of the most ruthless and Vicious.
02:03:41.000 Look at that picture.
02:03:42.000 Go to that one in the center of Johnny Depp with the white face paint.
02:03:44.000 Come on, bro.
02:03:45.000 How dope is that?
02:03:46.000 How come they didn't get a real Comanche to act in this movie?
02:03:49.000 That's exactly what people are.
02:03:50.000 They're mad at that, too.
02:03:51.000 I think it's so...
02:03:52.000 There's got to be a happy medium.
02:03:54.000 I understand that there needs to be progress in Hollywood and such, but I always point to that rock movie, Skyscraper or whatever.
02:04:01.000 They're like, why didn't they get a real amputee to be an action hero?
02:04:06.000 Yeah.
02:04:07.000 Paraplegic, right?
02:04:08.000 Yeah.
02:04:08.000 I think The Rock just had a missing leg in that movie.
02:04:11.000 I thought he was in a wheelchair.
02:04:13.000 No, I think he just has a prosthetic leg.
02:04:16.000 The thing is, as woke as you want to be, what amputee do you know who can move some tickets?
02:04:25.000 Right?
02:04:25.000 You forget the business element of it.
02:04:28.000 They're not just doing this to be woke.
02:04:29.000 It's like there's a business.
02:04:30.000 There's financials involved.
02:04:32.000 If you're forking over all this money, are you going to go with this unknown amputee to star in this movie? 0.98
02:04:39.000 Maybe it's an independent film, but these people are trying to recoup their money.
02:04:44.000 They're going to go with The Rock and CGI it.
02:04:46.000 You can go the other way, too, with Jumanji, like Jumanji 2. Why does an Asian lady get to play Danny DeVito? 1.00
02:04:52.000 That's bullshit. 1.00
02:04:53.000 Danny DeVito is an Italian-American. 1.00
02:04:56.000 He should be played by another Italian-American, not an Asian lady who's mocking him. 0.74
02:05:01.000 It's just so interesting the way, like, where are these lines?
02:05:04.000 And it's so ambiguous.
02:05:05.000 Like, even James Corden, there was that, like, movie Prompt.
02:05:10.000 I think it was on, was it on Netflix?
02:05:12.000 Or maybe, I don't know where it came out, but it was called Prompt.
02:05:15.000 Nicole Kidman was in it, I believe.
02:05:17.000 And he plays a gay man in prom.
02:05:21.000 And then he was kind of torn apart on Twitter. 1.00
02:05:23.000 Like, why the fuck is James Corden playing a gay man? 1.00
02:05:29.000 Torn apart by who? 1.00
02:05:30.000 Just like the Twittersphere and such.
02:05:32.000 That's the problem.
02:05:33.000 I know, but okay.
02:05:34.000 But people feel it's an amplifier.
02:05:37.000 People feel like it's very real.
02:05:38.000 And it's still like a thing, even though it's a minority.
02:05:42.000 But the thing is, like, a lot of gay actors will play straight and everyone is okay with that.
02:05:46.000 That's actually very progressive.
02:05:47.000 When was that ever happened?
02:05:48.000 What?
02:05:49.000 Gay actors playing straight. 0.98
02:05:50.000 That happens. 0.98
02:05:51.000 Gay actors never get to play straight in a romantic role. 1.00
02:05:56.000 Neil Patrick Harris got to play.
02:06:00.000 He gets to play straight.
02:06:01.000 In that one sitcom, but nobody bought it.
02:06:03.000 No, the guy in Suits.
02:06:05.000 What is Suits?
02:06:06.000 Suits was the show on USA. Meghan Markle or whatever was in it as well.
02:06:10.000 USA? USA. They know character.
02:06:12.000 Meghan Markle?
02:06:13.000 Meghan Markle was in it.
02:06:14.000 The lady who's Married to the Prince?
02:06:16.000 Yes, yes, yes.
02:06:16.000 Who else?
02:06:17.000 The guy from Mindhunter, I believe.
02:06:20.000 He plays straight. 1.00
02:06:21.000 You're going obscure as fuck. 1.00
02:06:22.000 But still, we're in a time where back in the day, if you were gay, you couldn't play straight. 1.00
02:06:27.000 And now you can.
02:06:29.000 Not in a major movie.
02:06:31.000 There's no out straight guy or out gay guys who play a leading man in a major movie.
02:06:39.000 It's the one hiccup in Hollywood.
02:06:42.000 And people have said, let's just not even name names.
02:06:46.000 Why doesn't this guy come out of the closet?
02:06:48.000 And this is the answer, because that guy's a leading man in a movie.
02:06:51.000 And you cannot be a leading man in a romantic role if people know you're actually thinking about...
02:06:57.000 Well, in these TV shows, it's allowed.
02:07:00.000 But for some reason, when...
02:07:01.000 What TV shows?
02:07:02.000 Maybe one or two weird TV shows that you've heard of and I never have.
02:07:07.000 Yeah.
02:07:07.000 And the Neil Patrick Harris thing, but nobody buys that.
02:07:09.000 But everyone tore James Corden apart for playing a gay man in this...
02:07:14.000 You say everyone.
02:07:14.000 There's 14 people on Twitter.
02:07:16.000 Well, 14 people had a problem with it.
02:07:18.000 He got a lot of stuff because he got an extra Golden Globe nomination for that role.
02:07:21.000 And so he's getting extra stuff for it.
02:07:22.000 Extra stuff?
02:07:23.000 Yeah.
02:07:24.000 I guess they don't want, like, perceivably privileged people to play underprivileged people.
02:07:29.000 It's such a minuscule perception, or such a minuscule portion of the population that's upset at James Corden for some movie role.
02:07:37.000 It's kind of like when everyone's coming at Chappelle for his, like, latest special, and then he wins...
02:07:42.000 What did he win?
02:07:43.000 Like, a Grammy?
02:07:44.000 Yeah.
02:07:44.000 Yeah, he won the Mark Twain award.
02:07:46.000 Something like that, but there's all these hit pieces on him, and he had the awards to prove for it.
02:07:51.000 But who are these people?
02:07:53.000 No matter what you do, you're going to have someone that's mad.
02:07:55.000 And if you're doing comedy, especially if you're doing comedy that pushes buttons, you're going to at least have the opportunity for someone to decide that's a target and to go after you.
02:08:06.000 It's probably a sign that you're doing good work.
02:08:10.000 You know what's like a, I want to try this a bit, but like the last frontier of heterosexuality in advertising is like watches.
02:08:20.000 Watches?
02:08:21.000 It's always like a manly man.
02:08:25.000 Really?
02:08:25.000 Yeah.
02:08:26.000 If you look at any watch ad, it's always like, I'm George Clooney for Rolex.
02:08:32.000 It's always like super masculine.
02:08:33.000 You're never going to see like, I'm Jonathan Van Ness for Swatch.
02:08:38.000 Daniel Craig for Omega.
02:08:40.000 Yes.
02:08:40.000 It's like the last frontier of advertising where they keep it uber masculine.
02:08:47.000 Well, watches are male jewelry. 0.79
02:08:49.000 It's one of the rare acceptable male jewelry if you're not a rapper.
02:08:54.000 Yeah, but it's just kind of interesting just on the sidelines to see the way advertising is going, how they've been very inclusive with everybody, but watches has held the line.
02:09:07.000 Huh.
02:09:08.000 Haven't you noticed that?
02:09:09.000 I didn't notice it at all.
02:09:10.000 But I like watches.
02:09:12.000 I like watches a lot.
02:09:13.000 I'm a fan of watches.
02:09:14.000 But I'm a fan of mechanical things.
02:09:17.000 One of the things I like about watches is that they're mechanical.
02:09:22.000 Somebody figured out how to make these little...
02:09:25.000 Like this watch right here.
02:09:26.000 This is an Omega.
02:09:27.000 It's a titanium watch.
02:09:29.000 And it's got all these little pieces in it.
02:09:33.000 And when you move it...
02:09:35.000 Feel how light that is.
02:09:36.000 That is pretty light.
02:09:36.000 I thought it would be heavier.
02:09:37.000 Yes.
02:09:38.000 That's a new James Bond version.
02:09:42.000 The Omega Titanium Watch.
02:09:44.000 Super light.
02:09:45.000 But it's also like, there's all these wheels and gears in there.
02:09:49.000 And as you move, that's what winds the watch.
02:09:54.000 I am fascinated by that.
02:09:56.000 That's the watch right there.
02:09:57.000 See?
02:09:57.000 That's so masculine.
02:09:59.000 Masculine as fuck. 1.00
02:10:01.000 No time to die. 1.00
02:10:03.000 But I'm just a fan of engineering.
02:10:07.000 I love engineering.
02:10:08.000 I love people that create interesting things that are mechanical.
02:10:13.000 There's something about that.
02:10:14.000 Because we're in such a tech world, that something that's mechanical is...
02:10:18.000 I love handmade knives.
02:10:20.000 I love manual gearboxes in cars.
02:10:23.000 I love old muscle cars.
02:10:25.000 I love mechanical things.
02:10:26.000 I love to feel the mechanisms working.
02:10:30.000 I have a Tesla, and I love my Tesla.
02:10:32.000 I love it to death.
02:10:33.000 It's probably the best car that I have.
02:10:35.000 But there's something that I miss.
02:10:37.000 And what I miss is the...
02:10:39.000 I want to...
02:10:40.000 I want to feel the gear.
02:10:43.000 I want to feel the...
02:10:44.000 I push the left pedal down.
02:10:46.000 The clutch engages.
02:10:47.000 I push the gear shift into third gear.
02:10:50.000 I let the clutch out.
02:10:51.000 I push down the gas.
02:10:52.000 There's this interaction with this thing that lets me...
02:10:55.000 I'm engaged.
02:10:57.000 I'm feeling it.
02:10:58.000 There's something about those...
02:11:00.000 Those kind of old cars and mechanical watches.
02:11:04.000 There's a lot of other things.
02:11:06.000 Those things excite me.
02:11:08.000 Tactile!
02:11:09.000 It's like a dance.
02:11:10.000 Yeah, I like cooking over fire.
02:11:11.000 You know what I'm saying?
02:11:13.000 There's things that I still like that are older things.
02:11:16.000 I like running on dirt.
02:11:18.000 I like those things.
02:11:20.000 I like chopping wood.
02:11:21.000 There's tactile experiences.
02:11:24.000 You know?
02:11:25.000 Yeah.
02:11:25.000 I know those are dying.
02:11:27.000 I know they're dying.
02:11:28.000 The manual gearbox is dying.
02:11:30.000 My car stole a stick.
02:11:31.000 I talked about it last time I was on here.
02:11:33.000 The Mazda 3. It's a stick shift.
02:11:35.000 People are kissing with masks on.
02:11:37.000 Do you understand what's happening?
02:11:38.000 What?
02:11:38.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
02:11:40.000 People are making out with masks on.
02:11:42.000 No, one mask.
02:11:43.000 They're dangerous.
02:11:44.000 Dangerous people.
02:11:46.000 I feel like mass kissing is a step in the wrong direction.
02:11:52.000 We're going to become aliens. 0.75
02:11:54.000 We're going to become the greys with the big black eyes, the giant heads. 0.99
02:11:58.000 We're not going to kiss at all anymore.
02:12:00.000 No.
02:12:00.000 We're going to do it all through our brains.
02:12:02.000 That'll be a relic of the past.
02:12:03.000 Yeah, it's going to be like...
02:12:09.000 We're good to go.
02:12:24.000 That's what I'm worried about, man.
02:12:25.000 I'm worried about tactile human experiences.
02:12:27.000 And I'm not really worried.
02:12:29.000 I'm recognizing that the same way, if you wanted to look back on primates, early primates, and go, like, if you brought a chimp into the future and said, hey, this is what it's going to be like.
02:12:43.000 You're going to fly in planes, and you're going to eat off plates. 0.99
02:12:46.000 Like, fuck that. 1.00
02:12:47.000 I like swinging from trees, and I like throwing my own shit at my enemies. 1.00
02:12:51.000 Oh, my God. 0.99
02:12:51.000 Like, I can't give that up. 0.99
02:12:53.000 I'm not giving up throwing shit. 1.00
02:12:56.000 I like shit in my hand and giving it a good toss. 1.00
02:12:59.000 Yeah, and I fucking get together with my other chimp buddies and we fuck up some dude who crossed our imaginary line and we kill him. 1.00
02:13:06.000 You know, there's parts of that that for sure... 0.99
02:13:12.000 Life is better today.
02:13:14.000 But I'm not a future human.
02:13:17.000 I'm a current human.
02:13:18.000 And in my current state, there's tactile experiences that I enjoy.
02:13:23.000 I like kissing.
02:13:25.000 I like holding hands.
02:13:26.000 I like shaking a person's hand when I meet them.
02:13:29.000 I like drinking whiskey.
02:13:30.000 I like driving cars.
02:13:31.000 I like shifting my own gears.
02:13:33.000 I like opening doors for myself. 0.99
02:13:35.000 Whenever there's one of those things where you step towards it and the door opens up, I never use those fucking things. 0.99
02:13:40.000 I grab that handle. 1.00
02:13:42.000 I open that bitch up. 1.00
02:13:43.000 I like opening doors. 1.00
02:13:45.000 I want to experience things.
02:13:48.000 I want to interact with the world.
02:13:50.000 I like interacting.
02:13:51.000 I think there will always be a place for that.
02:13:54.000 No?
02:13:55.000 No more?
02:13:55.000 Well, COVID has put a wrench into that.
02:13:58.000 COVID is basically showing us what the future holds in store for us.
02:14:03.000 What the future holds in store for us is the elimination of biological threats.
02:14:08.000 And there's a lot of biological threats that we take for granted, like emotions.
02:14:14.000 Hormones.
02:14:15.000 The desire to breed.
02:14:17.000 Conquering.
02:14:18.000 The natural primate instincts to dominate environments and to expand our boundaries and our kingdoms.
02:14:26.000 All those things are dangerous.
02:14:28.000 They're not good.
02:14:29.000 But they also create art And romance and controversy and they provide people with enthusiasm and motivation.
02:14:37.000 There's all these things about being a human that creates art and makes things like wine.
02:14:43.000 It makes things worth living.
02:14:46.000 Whiskey, cigars.
02:14:48.000 I do miss the kinetic nature of life pre-COVID. You know what I mean?
02:14:54.000 Like bumping into someone, going to something, just serendipitously meeting someone.
02:15:00.000 That doesn't happen anymore, really.
02:15:03.000 Now everything is just so...
02:15:04.000 It happens in Texas.
02:15:06.000 I'm two days in, so I'm learning, but...
02:15:08.000 I'm going to take you around.
02:15:10.000 We're going to be fine.
02:15:12.000 The people that don't want it to go back are the people that are most fearful.
02:15:17.000 The people that are like, my grandmother died. 1.00
02:15:19.000 I understand.
02:15:20.000 I get it.
02:15:21.000 It's a terrifying tragedy that anybody has to die from a disease.
02:15:26.000 But we have to recognize that we're all going to die.
02:15:28.000 And you can't stop all life because a disease comes along and kills some of us.
02:15:34.000 We have to recognize what can we do to mitigate the dangers of this disease.
02:15:39.000 Plus, what can we do to mitigate the dangers of dissolving our culture?
02:15:44.000 We haven't done that.
02:15:46.000 Instead, we've only concentrated on mitigating the dangers of spreading something.
02:15:51.000 So stay home.
02:15:52.000 Wear three masks.
02:15:53.000 Touch no one.
02:15:54.000 Wear gloves while you're driving. 1.00
02:15:56.000 Like, fuck, man. 1.00
02:15:57.000 This is not life. 1.00
02:15:58.000 This is not life. 0.53
02:16:00.000 And most of these people that are three-mask people, they don't know goddamn anything about vitamins and quercetin and saunas and all the different methods that you can use to stimulate your immune system. 0.97
02:16:14.000 It's like we don't want people to be able to take their own chances and make their own risks. 0.76
02:16:21.000 And the more liberal you are and the more left-wing you are, the more likely you are to appeal to authoritarianism.
02:16:28.000 And this is one of the most discouraging aspects of our culture in 2021. All these people that are supposed to be left-wing people.
02:16:37.000 When I was a kid, I've always been left-wing.
02:16:41.000 My family's...
02:16:44.000 Stepdad's a hippie.
02:16:45.000 He was a hippie.
02:16:46.000 My mom...
02:16:46.000 They were very open-minded, left-wing people.
02:16:50.000 It was all about free expression.
02:16:53.000 It was all about letting people be who they are and living whatever life you wanted to be and accepting people for who they are.
02:17:00.000 That's not what's happening now.
02:17:02.000 This is all this fear-based, weird appeal to authoritarianism.
02:17:07.000 There's too much disinformation on the internet.
02:17:10.000 We have to have a czar of truth.
02:17:13.000 There's people calling for a czar of truth.
02:17:15.000 Do you know this?
02:17:16.000 No.
02:17:17.000 This is the new thing.
02:17:18.000 They're asking for the government to create a czar of truth. 1.00
02:17:21.000 The fucking government! 1.00
02:17:22.000 To decide what's real and what's not. 1.00
02:17:25.000 To dispel disinformation.
02:17:28.000 See, you can pull this up.
02:17:29.000 Czar of truth.
02:17:30.000 This is something that CNN has talked about. 1.00
02:17:33.000 A lot of these, like, fucking weirdo... 1.00
02:17:40.000 We're good to go. 1.00
02:17:59.000 The restaurants are gone.
02:18:00.000 Yeah.
02:18:00.000 There's no contingency plan in place and then also they're like, stay home, but then how do you make money?
02:18:06.000 Yeah, exactly.
02:18:07.000 So you can't have it both ways.
02:18:08.000 You have to have like a safety net in place.
02:18:10.000 The people that are making these distinctions and making these decisions, they don't lose a paycheck.
02:18:15.000 That's the problem. 0.99
02:18:16.000 All these mayors and governors and health board advisors, they don't miss a fucking paycheck. 0.99
02:18:22.000 They can shut down everything. 0.99
02:18:24.000 And they do it for optics.
02:18:26.000 Well, yeah.
02:18:26.000 I think there's a way to be smart about this.
02:18:29.000 Obviously, this is a real thing, and it does affect people.
02:18:32.000 Yeah, but listen, man.
02:18:34.000 You got through it.
02:18:35.000 I got through it.
02:18:36.000 Yeah, sure.
02:18:36.000 But I'm younger, and I know there are cases where people are hit really hard by this.
02:18:42.000 But I think...
02:18:44.000 Sometimes there's bureaucracy attached to it where you're not even using logic.
02:18:48.000 Like, the comedy store, you know?
02:18:50.000 They were allowed before this, like, look, it's in purple tier right now, whatever it is.
02:18:55.000 Purple tier?
02:18:56.000 Yeah, yeah.
02:18:56.000 Outdoor dining is allowed now in Los Angeles.
02:18:59.000 But when I made the decision to come out here, everything was clamped down.
02:19:03.000 But before it was clamped down, they did have outdoor dining and all that.
02:19:07.000 And the Comedy Store was allowed to have outside seating in the parking lot, you know where we park before we do our sets?
02:19:12.000 So there was tables, there was chairs, and they could watch TV. They could watch a football game.
02:19:19.000 They could watch the Comedy Store documentary.
02:19:21.000 They were able to be congregated in that parking lot.
02:19:25.000 But they weren't allowed to, if you put a comedian doing jokes outdoor, that was suddenly against the rules.
02:19:34.000 But like nothing has changed other than instead of a TV that their focus is on, they are watching a comedian.
02:19:41.000 But for some reason, the city deemed that not allowable. 1.00
02:19:46.000 Because the city is filled, the city government is filled with people so fucking stupid, they want to be a part of the city government. 1.00
02:19:53.000 That's the problem. 1.00
02:19:54.000 Yes, on the ground floor.
02:19:56.000 That part goes in your mouth.
02:19:57.000 It makes no sense to anyone.
02:20:01.000 It doesn't have to make sense.
02:20:02.000 And it was frustrating because before the shutdown, when everything was super locked down, I was doing a lot of outdoor shows in LA. And I was doing all these alt shows just in backyards and on the top of hotels and stuff.
02:20:15.000 But the Comedy Store wasn't allowed to do shows because it was called the Comedy Store.
02:20:20.000 There was too much attention on it.
02:20:23.000 Is that what it is?
02:20:24.000 Yeah. 1.00
02:20:24.000 I think it's just a bunch of fools. 1.00
02:20:26.000 That's all it is. 1.00
02:20:27.000 It's just a bunch of fools working in government. 1.00
02:20:30.000 It doesn't have to make any sense. 1.00
02:20:31.000 They just have to keep their jobs.
02:20:33.000 And they have to give off the perception that they're doing something that is helping.
02:20:39.000 And it's not true.
02:20:41.000 It's not real.
02:20:42.000 The beautiful thing about this state is that the governor, Governor Abbott...
02:20:46.000 Is it dead?
02:20:48.000 Did I kill it? 1.00
02:20:48.000 You killed it, you son of a bitch. 1.00
02:20:49.000 I got a lot of juice, don't worry about it. 1.00
02:20:51.000 I didn't bring it though, dummy I am.
02:20:54.000 But I was doing all these shows around LA, but I couldn't perform at the comedy store.
02:21:01.000 They would perform in front of the glass in the OR, you know?
02:21:05.000 You know that glass that overlooks sunset?
02:21:08.000 Yeah.
02:21:09.000 Did you ever see the movie Midnight Express?
02:21:12.000 Who's in that again?
02:21:13.000 I forget.
02:21:14.000 But it's an old movie about a guy who gets busted smuggling drugs in a foreign country. 0.99
02:21:19.000 It's the scene where a girlfriend comes to see him and she lifts up her tits. 1.00
02:21:22.000 Shows him her tits so he's jerking off through the glass. 1.00
02:21:25.000 That's what comedy in the glass is like. 1.00
02:21:27.000 Same thing.
02:21:28.000 I have an idea.
02:21:29.000 He's just sad.
02:21:30.000 I think like movies nowadays that have sex scenes, get rid of it.
02:21:36.000 We don't need that.
02:21:37.000 That was of the 90s when you didn't want to go through the beaded curtain and it was too embarrassing to go through the curtain.
02:21:45.000 Like Pornhub exists now.
02:21:46.000 You mean the curtain of like video stores?
02:21:49.000 Yeah, like if you wanted to see porn or whatever, you had to go through the curtain.
02:21:51.000 I walk those things like a cowboy. 1.00
02:21:52.000 I kick those fucking things open. 1.00
02:21:54.000 So any movie nowadays with like graphic sex scenes or kind of silhouettes, what are you doing? 1.00
02:22:00.000 It's 2021. I don't need to see this.
02:22:03.000 Yeah, but if you want to make a moment where the two characters, male and female characters, are male and male characters, are female and female characters, I'm trying to be really inclusive.
02:22:13.000 Sure, inclusive.
02:22:14.000 I get it.
02:22:15.000 But just make it small.
02:22:17.000 You don't need to make a meal out of it.
02:22:18.000 Just show it. 1.00
02:22:18.000 Why don't you show them fucking? 1.00
02:22:20.000 But back in the day, you would look Basic Instinct or like the movie Species, and people would rent that because that was like a way to get off without going through the beaded curtain. 0.99
02:22:29.000 Who do you hang out with?
02:22:31.000 I was a child.
02:22:32.000 I was a child.
02:22:32.000 Species.
02:22:34.000 No, there was like a sleepover.
02:22:35.000 I met that gal. 0.99
02:22:36.000 Who's that gal? 1.00
02:22:37.000 You did?
02:22:37.000 Yeah, she was on Fear Factor.
02:22:39.000 Natasha Hendrick.
02:22:40.000 She's beautiful.
02:22:41.000 I had a huge crush on her when I was a kid.
02:22:43.000 Yeah, she was on Fear Factor once.
02:22:44.000 I had a crush on the chick who was in Hot Shot Part Deux as well. 1.00
02:22:49.000 Who was that?
02:22:49.000 That Charlie Sheen movie.
02:22:51.000 It was like a take on...
02:22:52.000 Yeah.
02:22:55.000 Because Airplane gave birth to the Leslie Nielsen movies.
02:23:01.000 Was it Naked Gun?
02:23:03.000 Yeah.
02:23:03.000 Yeah, Naked Gun.
02:23:04.000 And then I think Hot Shots was like the last of those type of movies they did.
02:23:08.000 Yeah.
02:23:10.000 Let me see what that lady looks like. 1.00
02:23:15.000 Yeah.
02:23:16.000 I don't remember her.
02:23:16.000 Oh, I remember her.
02:23:18.000 Okay.
02:23:21.000 Oh, she was beautiful.
02:23:23.000 Wasn't she from Italy?
02:23:24.000 Yeah, something like that.
02:23:25.000 Or like France.
02:23:28.000 Yeah, there she is. 1.00
02:23:30.000 You know, I was watching it the other day and...
02:23:32.000 Dude, have you seen Charlie Sheen lately?
02:23:34.000 No.
02:23:34.000 But Charlie Sheen and John Cryer are in that movie.
02:23:37.000 And then they end up being on Two and a Half Men. 0.99
02:23:40.000 I go, oh fuck, I didn't know they were in this before that. 0.98
02:23:43.000 You think John Cryer wishes he was Charlie Sheen and Charlie Sheen wishes he was John Cryer? 0.99
02:23:47.000 I think Charlie Sheen is happy with his life, right?
02:23:50.000 No?
02:23:50.000 I don't think so.
02:23:51.000 Have you seen Charlie Sheen lately?
02:23:52.000 No.
02:23:53.000 But that's just time, right?
02:23:54.000 Show a cameo.
02:23:55.000 No, it's drugs.
02:23:56.000 Yeah.
02:23:57.000 There's a lot of people that have gone through time and they're fine.
02:23:59.000 Yo, he was into Tigers before Tiger King.
02:24:02.000 That's true.
02:24:03.000 Tiger Blood.
02:24:04.000 Yeah.
02:24:05.000 Hashtag Tiger Ball.
02:24:06.000 Hashtag Tiger Ball.
02:24:07.000 Hashtag winning.
02:24:09.000 He was the first really promotable hashtag.
02:24:13.000 Yeah.
02:24:13.000 See if he could find his cameo, because it's bizarre.
02:24:17.000 I'm on there.
02:24:18.000 They were hitting me up for the longest time to be like, yo, join Cameo.
02:24:22.000 For me, I'm always so grateful anyone cares enough to care about me at all, just having not been famous for the longest time.
02:24:30.000 If anyone cares about me, I just cherish it.
02:24:33.000 So it felt dirty for me to charge for a happy birthday or whatever.
02:24:38.000 I could never bring myself to be on the platform.
02:24:41.000 But then I realized some of these fans might actually want that.
02:24:46.000 And just because I feel this way doesn't mean that I have to diminish how they feel about it.
02:24:50.000 You can just give the money to charity.
02:24:52.000 That's what I did.
02:24:52.000 So now I just give the money to charity.
02:24:54.000 Callan does that too.
02:24:55.000 Let me see.
02:24:56.000 Let me see.
02:24:58.000 Let me hear it.
02:24:59.000 Come on.
02:25:00.000 Looks great.
02:25:21.000 Go to the other one.
02:25:22.000 That's the one.
02:25:24.000 This is the one.
02:25:24.000 Play this one.
02:25:25.000 Greetings, good people of Planet Cameo.
02:25:28.000 It's the Sheen.
02:25:30.000 I'm back.
02:25:33.000 Let's make a deal.
02:25:34.000 Let's make a deal.
02:25:35.000 I will stay back.
02:25:38.000 Not like stay back.
02:25:41.000 No, I will remain here.
02:25:44.000 I will remain available.
02:25:46.000 If you can all agree that all the tiger blood and winning and we could just kind of leave that where it belongs in the past...
02:26:02.000 These are very difficult, unprecedented, and trying times that we're all finding our way through.
02:26:09.000 So if a message from me can brighten the day of yourself or a loved one or even someone you don't really care about, then I'm honored to offer that.
02:26:23.000 So, greetings.
02:26:27.000 It's bringing happiness to the fans.
02:26:29.000 I get it.
02:26:30.000 Yeah.
02:26:32.000 But I don't want a benefit.
02:26:33.000 You only do coke for so long.
02:26:34.000 Before it catches up? 1.00
02:26:35.000 Yeah, it fucking... 1.00
02:26:36.000 It blows your wires out. 0.99
02:26:38.000 I've never done it.
02:26:38.000 I've never done it.
02:26:39.000 Me neither.
02:26:39.000 Yeah.
02:26:40.000 Me neither.
02:26:40.000 Yeah.
02:26:41.000 I hear it's big out here.
02:26:42.000 I hear it's big.
02:26:43.000 Yeah.
02:26:45.000 I hear people are failing COVID tests because they're doing coke.
02:26:48.000 What's going on?
02:26:49.000 This is his setup to make his videos.
02:26:50.000 He's got like a post-it to try not to swear.
02:26:52.000 That's high tech.
02:26:53.000 It says...
02:26:54.000 Mark private.
02:26:55.000 Mark private.
02:26:56.000 Try not to swear.
02:26:59.000 Why is it doing that?
02:27:00.000 You know what I found?
02:27:00.000 I think cameo suits like super characters.
02:27:05.000 If you're a regular, like I've heard Susie Essman from Curb makes a killing on there because she just curses people out. 1.00
02:27:12.000 Susie Essman is hilarious. 0.68
02:27:13.000 She was a great comic.
02:27:15.000 You ever see her do stand-up?
02:27:16.000 I only know her from Curb. 1.00
02:27:17.000 I don't know her as a stand-up. 0.97
02:27:18.000 I worked with her once in Brooklyn in the fucking early 90s. 0.97
02:27:22.000 It was funny. 0.93
02:27:25.000 I remember seeing her on television, and she was one of the first people I middled for that I had seen on TV. I worked with her.
02:27:34.000 I forget what the club was.
02:27:35.000 She was great.
02:27:36.000 Who was the first big person you worked with?
02:27:40.000 Lenny Clark.
02:27:41.000 Oh, yeah?
02:27:42.000 Yeah, Lenny Clark, who had just come off of HBO. He'd been on, and it was the second time I ever got paid to do stand-up.
02:27:48.000 I opened up for Lenny.
02:27:49.000 How'd that happen? 1.00
02:27:51.000 Fucking crazy. 0.98
02:27:52.000 There was a guy named Norm LaFoe, and Norm used to book gigs in, like, mostly western Massachusetts. 0.99
02:27:58.000 Norm gave me a lot of my early gigs.
02:28:00.000 He gave me my first gig ever with Warren McDonald.
02:28:02.000 The first guy I ever opened up for was Warren McDonald.
02:28:05.000 Second guy I ever opened up with was Lenny Clark, and I'm still good friends with Lenny and his brother Mike to this day.
02:28:12.000 And Mike Clark, his brother, that guy paid my rent so many fucking times when I lived in Boston.
02:28:19.000 He gave me so many gigs. 0.99
02:28:20.000 I will be indebted to that man to the day I die.
02:28:23.000 But his brother Lenny was a legit legend in Boston.
02:28:30.000 Everybody loved him.
02:28:31.000 Lenny Clark was one of the original guys from the Ding Ho Comedy Club, which is the original comedy club in Boston that Barry Crimin started. 0.99
02:28:38.000 And it was Lenny Clark and Kenny Rogerson and Steve Sweeney and all these fucking murderers. 0.96
02:28:44.000 The best comics that ever came out of Boston. 1.00
02:28:47.000 Don Gavin.
02:28:48.000 The best guys. 0.99
02:28:49.000 They all came out of this one fucking Chinese restaurant that they did stand-up out of. 1.00
02:28:54.000 And when I came on the scene in 1988, Lenny was a legend. 0.98
02:28:58.000 And he had just started going out to Hollywood and he had done the HBO Young Comedian special with Sam Kinison and Roddy Dangerfield.
02:29:07.000 And I opened up for them at this place, Jay's in Pittsfield, Massachusetts.
02:29:13.000 And Jay's was like this place that was the best road gig.
02:29:19.000 You'd have to drive two hours to get there, but it was the best road gig that you could get.
02:29:23.000 You got Jay's?
02:29:24.000 Oh, you got Jay's.
02:29:25.000 That's a good spot.
02:29:26.000 That's a good spot.
02:29:28.000 I remember going out there and opening up for him and just being like, I can't even believe I'm on the same stage as Lenny Clark. 0.97
02:29:36.000 And afterwards he's like, Kid, you're fucking hilarious! 0.98
02:29:39.000 With this crazy Boston accent. 0.99
02:29:42.000 How good does that feel though?
02:29:43.000 Oh my god, it was amazing.
02:29:44.000 I guess a young comic just...
02:29:46.000 Because it's so uncertain and you're so unsure to have somebody on the other side of the shore to kind of...
02:29:55.000 Because they've been through it.
02:29:57.000 They've seen everything.
02:29:57.000 They have all these data points that you're not privy to.
02:29:59.000 Yeah, it was amazing.
02:30:00.000 To give you that reassurance is...
02:30:03.000 It was amazing.
02:30:03.000 Yeah, it's amazing.
02:30:05.000 Bobby was kind of like that for me.
02:30:06.000 Bobby Lee?
02:30:07.000 Yeah, because he was one of the first guys at the store to take me on the road with him.
02:30:11.000 So I would tour.
02:30:13.000 I would open for him.
02:30:15.000 And I had just left Boeing.
02:30:16.000 I was working at Boeing Aerospace.
02:30:19.000 So that's like a legit job.
02:30:22.000 Engineering.
02:30:23.000 It's like a career.
02:30:24.000 It's not just the job you're leaving.
02:30:26.000 And part of you is like...
02:30:28.000 Thinking about getting a mortgage and a lease.
02:30:30.000 Maybe.
02:30:31.000 Living in Brentwood.
02:30:32.000 Well, no.
02:30:33.000 It's not that much money.
02:30:35.000 Eventually.
02:30:36.000 The thing I've noticed about engineering, especially...
02:30:39.000 I think the people who excel at it love it.
02:30:42.000 I think it's true of any industry.
02:30:43.000 Anyone who excels loves what they do because they're studying that stuff even after they punch out.
02:30:49.000 But I was just doing engineering as a means to an end.
02:30:52.000 It was just sort of to get me out to LA and I could do stand-up at night.
02:30:56.000 I didn't dream of being a lead at Boeing and being a manager or something.
02:31:02.000 And this thing happens where you have a pretty good salary engineering, but then this thing happens called salary compression, where you work there long enough and then new hires start getting paid more than you, just with inflation and everything.
02:31:16.000 Unless you become a lead and climb the ladder...
02:31:20.000 So, whatever.
02:31:21.000 Resentment, like comics who don't like the store. 1.00
02:31:23.000 If you care about that shit. 0.99
02:31:25.000 But I was just using it until I could do stand-up and all this entertainment stuff. 0.99
02:31:32.000 So I had left Boeing, and I was just doing stand-up full-time and all that, and then Bobby had me feature for him on the road for a bit.
02:31:40.000 And I had some things, and then they kind of, they run its course, and then you're just floating in space, and then you're like, did I make a bad decision?
02:31:48.000 But we would go, you know, you have dinner after the show and stuff, or we go to swingers.
02:31:54.000 I used to love that place.
02:31:55.000 That's what's so sad about the pandemic as well.
02:31:57.000 Swingers closing, Cafe 101's closing.
02:31:59.000 All these institutions that are embedded in who you were are gone.
02:32:04.000 The standard's gone.
02:32:05.000 Yeah.
02:32:07.000 But I would be second-guessing myself and he'd be like, You're good.
02:32:13.000 Sam Tripoli, too.
02:32:14.000 I remember I would be having these sets at the store, and he'd be like, you're special.
02:32:19.000 You're even money, dude.
02:32:20.000 Sam's a soldier.
02:32:21.000 He's a soldier, and he doesn't need to do this stuff.
02:32:24.000 He's like, you take swings.
02:32:27.000 You don't take victory laps.
02:32:29.000 You're using this place for what it's meant to be.
02:32:33.000 I love what you're doing.
02:32:34.000 Just keep doing what you're doing.
02:32:35.000 It'll happen.
02:32:37.000 But when you're a younger comic and stuff, it seems so fantastical.
02:32:44.000 It's all doubt.
02:32:46.000 But then you have these guys who are on the other end of it.
02:32:48.000 Who say something to you that inspires you.
02:32:50.000 And they're where you want to be.
02:32:53.000 And then you take it in a little bit.
02:32:56.000 You go, okay, it's hard for me to see this, but I guess so.
02:33:01.000 And that meant a lot to me.
02:33:02.000 Bobby saying those things or Tripoli saying those things lets you know you're on the right path.
02:33:07.000 I'll never forget people saying those things to me.
02:33:10.000 I'll never forget Lenny saying...
02:33:11.000 You know who was the first one to ever really juice me up?
02:33:15.000 Marc Maron.
02:33:16.000 Wow.
02:33:17.000 It's kind of funny because...
02:33:18.000 He doesn't juice anyone up.
02:33:20.000 Well, he and I have had some weird moments in the past because I think more perception than anything is like just we're very different kind of human beings.
02:33:30.000 Yeah.
02:33:31.000 Very different styles of human beings.
02:33:33.000 But when I was an open-miker, Mark pulled me aside, and he said, and I told him, he and I had like a dispute at one point in time, and I said, I gave you so much slack for so long. 0.99
02:33:46.000 I was nice to you for so long because you were so nice to me when I started out, but you're such a cunt. 1.00
02:33:51.000 And he's like, you're right, I'm sorry. 0.99
02:33:53.000 And we had this moment where he apologized, and I said, look, I root for you.
02:33:58.000 I really do.
02:33:59.000 When I was an open-miker, I was like not even a year in, I had a set and I came off stage and Mark goes, listen man.
02:34:08.000 He goes, you're doing something really cool.
02:34:10.000 He goes, just keep doing what you're doing.
02:34:12.000 Don't listen to anybody.
02:34:13.000 He goes, just keep being yourself.
02:34:15.000 And I was 21. It was raw.
02:34:19.000 Didn't know what the fuck I was doing. 0.99
02:34:20.000 And Mark Maron was a professional. 0.99
02:34:22.000 And he was also from Mecca.
02:34:25.000 He was from the store.
02:34:26.000 I knew he was from the store. 0.99
02:34:28.000 Marc Maron had cut his teeth with Sam Kinison at the goddamn Comedy Store. 0.71
02:34:33.000 And one of the most amazing podcasts that I ever had was Marc talking about him being at the store with Kinison and doing so much coke that he heard voices for a year. 0.96
02:34:44.000 For a year!
02:34:45.000 For a year!
02:34:46.000 Dude, he heard voices in his head for a year. 0.99
02:34:49.000 And Mark bravely struggled through all that shit and regained sanity and kept his sobriety through that entire time. 0.95
02:34:57.000 And a lot of people have these weird, complicated relationships with Mark. 0.98
02:35:00.000 But the reason is, people are complicated, man.
02:35:04.000 You just talk to him in person.
02:35:06.000 The conversations that I've had talking to him, no microphone, just in person, they're okay.
02:35:12.000 They're fine.
02:35:13.000 You know what I've noticed, though, as well, is success tempers people.
02:35:18.000 Yeah.
02:35:19.000 He feels better.
02:35:20.000 He feels better.
02:35:21.000 Like his podcast took off.
02:35:23.000 Yeah. 1.00
02:35:24.000 He had Obama on his fucking podcast. 1.00
02:35:26.000 Yeah, it's huge. 1.00
02:35:27.000 And then you kind of need that anchor.
02:35:30.000 Like even Tony, who I love, you know, he's great.
02:35:33.000 But I remember Tony before he got success.
02:35:37.000 Yeah.
02:35:37.000 It was a different Tony.
02:35:39.000 Yeah, it was an angry Tony.
02:35:40.000 Yeah, it was a little.
02:35:41.000 But I understand it for what it is.
02:35:43.000 Sure.
02:35:44.000 When you're a young comic, everything is so uncertain.
02:35:49.000 I know what it's rooted in.
02:35:51.000 Yeah.
02:35:51.000 And once you know that things are going to be okay or whatever, then you get to see the person for who they are.
02:35:57.000 And he's the most lovely person now.
02:35:59.000 Yeah.
02:35:59.000 I saw him at Antons the other night when I first came in.
02:36:00.000 I love him to death.
02:36:01.000 Yeah.
02:36:01.000 I love him to death.
02:36:02.000 And people that don't understand him...
02:36:06.000 He's, first of all, one of the best roasters that has ever lived, that has ever walked on the surface.
02:36:13.000 There's an art to it.
02:36:13.000 He might be the best.
02:36:14.000 He might be the best.
02:36:15.000 I think he's like Jeff Ross 2.0.
02:36:16.000 I think he's one of the better roasters. 0.99
02:36:18.000 On Monday night, last Monday, I was the guest of Kill Tony, and Tony Hinchcliffe fucking murdered. 0.99
02:36:25.000 I mean, murdered. 0.99
02:36:26.000 I mean, he hit the whole audience with these fucking one-liners that were so crisp. 1.00
02:36:35.000 It was almost like he had formulated them in advance, but he didn't. 0.99
02:36:39.000 They were off the cuff.
02:36:40.000 And I was crying.
02:36:41.000 I was crying.
02:36:42.000 And then afterwards, we had a conversation, and he was like, it felt so good.
02:36:45.000 I go, dude, you killed me.
02:36:47.000 And he goes, it was so funny watching you laugh.
02:36:49.000 I go, dude, it's like sometimes I forget.
02:36:51.000 I forget how good you are.
02:36:53.000 That's his environment.
02:36:54.000 He's a great comic, for sure.
02:36:56.000 He can do both.
02:36:57.000 He's a great comic, but he's the best roaster that's ever lived.
02:37:00.000 I really believe that. 1.00
02:37:01.000 He's a fucking savage. 1.00
02:37:03.000 It's such a different thing. 1.00
02:37:05.000 I don't have that.
02:37:07.000 I don't like that.
02:37:08.000 I'm not good at roasting.
02:37:09.000 I'm too nice.
02:37:10.000 I'm too really mean.
02:37:11.000 You're mean?
02:37:12.000 I don't like to open that door.
02:37:13.000 I don't like to let the wolf out of the cage.
02:37:16.000 I don't want to be mean.
02:37:18.000 I don't like it.
02:37:18.000 My brain doesn't think that way.
02:37:20.000 I'm more constructive.
02:37:21.000 I'm trying to help the comic.
02:37:23.000 I don't try to tear them.
02:37:24.000 I know it's meant to be why everyone's there, but I'm not great at just roasting someone.
02:37:31.000 I just don't want to do it.
02:37:33.000 I don't want to do it either.
02:37:34.000 I don't want to make anybody feel bad.
02:37:35.000 Yeah.
02:37:36.000 I've been invited to do that.
02:37:39.000 I'm like, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
02:37:41.000 Same way.
02:37:42.000 I don't want you to be mean at me too. 0.99
02:37:43.000 It's one thing about jokes, but I've been at Roast Battle before and I've watched some of those fucking things. 0.96
02:37:48.000 And I watched this one where this guy... 1.00
02:37:51.000 Shit on this girl's looks. 1.00
02:37:53.000 And the feeling... 1.00
02:37:54.000 I could see her face where she was thinking about her next joke, but also watching a piece of her soul burn off forever and never return.
02:38:03.000 Because the whole audience was laughing about her appearance.
02:38:06.000 I'm like, I don't want to be a part of that.
02:38:08.000 But I'll watch.
02:38:09.000 Yeah, look, I get there's an appetite for that.
02:38:12.000 There's a place for that.
02:38:13.000 I love watching as a spectator, but also as a comedian.
02:38:19.000 I do think there is a pitfall, though, with younger comedians because it is a shortcut of sorts to be seen quicker than kind of working on your craft of stand-up.
02:38:31.000 But it's part of the craft because it's joke writing.
02:38:34.000 It is.
02:38:34.000 The problem is...
02:38:36.000 Here's the problem.
02:38:37.000 Comics lack discipline and structure. 0.98
02:38:39.000 And it's one of the reasons why your father probably looked at you doing stand-up as like, what are you doing?
02:38:44.000 Yeah, yeah.
02:38:45.000 You should have a job.
02:38:45.000 Yeah.
02:38:46.000 Oh, you got a writing job.
02:38:47.000 Now I'm happy.
02:38:48.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 0.99
02:38:49.000 When comics know that they're going to do Roast Battle in two weeks, they will fucking prepare. 0.64
02:38:53.000 But when they have a show in two weeks, they don't prepare. 0.97
02:38:56.000 That's a good point.
02:38:57.000 That's what it is.
02:38:58.000 It's that, and then also, it's like getting really good at penalty kicks.
02:39:04.000 And not being a soccer player.
02:39:07.000 Dude, that's brilliant.
02:39:08.000 That's brilliant.
02:39:09.000 You know what I mean?
02:39:10.000 Like, you can kill it at roast battle, and, you know, Jeff Ross is there, and there's clips and stuff, and you can kind of get on very quickly, and that's fantastic, but don't not water the plant of stand-up.
02:39:24.000 Well, use the same dedication and discipline and focus that you use to be good at that particular roast battle and apply it to your actual act.
02:39:35.000 I don't want to mention any names, but I know people that are really good comics. 0.99
02:39:39.000 They could be good, but they're fucking lazy! 0.99
02:39:42.000 They're lazy and they like taking naps. 1.00
02:39:45.000 I think that's kind of what's great about the way that I entered stand-up comedy coming from...
02:39:50.000 Discipline.
02:39:51.000 Discipline, just immigrant background, and then engineering as well.
02:39:54.000 I didn't treat it...
02:39:56.000 I think in the 80s you can get away, or in the 70s you can get away, maybe more in the 80s, just like being a pothead and whatever and roll out of bed and there was this rock and roll attitude to stand-up.
02:40:06.000 But it's so saturated nowadays.
02:40:08.000 You have to be as disciplined as if it was you're working at Goldman Sachs or something.
02:40:14.000 Or you're a fighter.
02:40:16.000 Or you're a fighter.
02:40:17.000 Whatever.
02:40:18.000 Hours are hours.
02:40:20.000 You can only be as good as the amount of focus and energy and effort that you put into being good.
02:40:29.000 You want the universe to just give you this thing.
02:40:32.000 But it's like a lottery ticket.
02:40:33.000 You ever see what happens to people that win the lottery?
02:40:35.000 They lose all their money. 0.93
02:40:37.000 But the people that actually fucking grind and grind They don't lose that money. 0.96
02:40:44.000 They keep that money because they understand it and they appreciate it. 0.97
02:40:48.000 The same thing with love.
02:40:52.000 One of the saddest things is watching beautiful men, like a really handsome, perfectly chiseled man, try to find love.
02:41:02.000 Because at a certain point in time, they realize that...
02:41:06.000 They have something they don't deserve.
02:41:09.000 They have a Willy Wonka golden ticket where everybody loves them based on their facial structure or based on their height or based on their frame, their anatomy, and it's sad.
02:41:18.000 It's sad because you didn't earn that appreciation.
02:41:22.000 You didn't earn it.
02:41:24.000 I always think about that.
02:41:25.000 I don't have that, but I always think about stand-up, how you're able to punch outside your weight class.
02:41:33.000 Yeah.
02:41:34.000 You mean with girls?
02:41:36.000 Yeah.
02:41:36.000 Some of the gets I've been able to get, I would not be able to have it as an engineer.
02:41:42.000 I like how you say the gets.
02:41:43.000 The gets.
02:41:45.000 Sometimes they're like, this is crazy.
02:41:49.000 As long as you understand and appreciate it, there is a balance because the thing that you have that those other guys don't have is you are funny.
02:41:57.000 Girls like to laugh. 1.00
02:41:59.000 Like, girls like to be protected. 0.82
02:42:02.000 They like to be...
02:42:03.000 Like, I mean, this is...
02:42:04.000 Obviously, I'm generalizing, right? 0.97
02:42:06.000 There's girls who don't give a fuck about funny people. 1.00
02:42:09.000 There's girls who want to take care of themselves. 1.00
02:42:10.000 There's a lot of women that don't want to have anything to do with powerful men. 1.00
02:42:14.000 They want, like, a bitch-ass man they can control. 1.00
02:42:17.000 And that's fun for them. 1.00
02:42:19.000 Like, there's a lot of beautiful women that have these fucking wimpy guys with pencil necks. 1.00
02:42:23.000 And they just keep them around. 0.99
02:42:24.000 Because they like someone that they can control.
02:42:27.000 To get stomp on.
02:42:28.000 Yeah.
02:42:29.000 People have different styles of living.
02:42:33.000 But there's a cost to every gift that you've given.
02:42:39.000 How many really beautiful women that you know that are funny? 1.00
02:42:43.000 There's very few.
02:42:44.000 It's tough.
02:42:45.000 It's one of the things that I really, really, really respect about Whitney.
02:42:49.000 Is that she's beautiful, but she's also really fucking funny, and she doesn't ever rely on her beauty, you know? 0.62
02:42:54.000 And there's a few women like that that just, like, they recognize there's a pitfall in being beautiful. 0.99
02:43:00.000 And instead of, like, leaning on it, they lean on their work and their art and their mind, you know?
02:43:09.000 And that shows that you understand.
02:43:13.000 We're all imperfect in every way, shape, and form.
02:43:16.000 All of us.
02:43:17.000 There's no perfect human that's ever lived.
02:43:20.000 But the things that you...
02:43:23.000 People have stereotypes, right? 0.99
02:43:25.000 One of the stereotypes about beautiful women is that they're bimbos or they're dumb, right? 1.00
02:43:30.000 And that's got to be horrible if you're a brilliant, beautiful woman. 1.00
02:43:33.000 It's got to suck. 0.91
02:43:35.000 But everybody knows that you've got a free ride. 0.96
02:43:38.000 You've got a free ride because everybody loves you, no matter what.
02:43:41.000 If you want to.
02:43:42.000 Yeah, right.
02:43:43.000 If you want that free ride, it's there because you have perfect structure and our DNA calls out to that perfect structure.
02:43:51.000 Our DNA wants that perfect structure because we want to breed with perfect structure.
02:43:56.000 But then you have someone who has a beautiful mind, you know?
02:43:59.000 Not like the Russell Crowe movie, but...
02:44:01.000 Beautiful minds are different.
02:44:04.000 There's people that say things that you just like...
02:44:08.000 That's what I love about stand-up and the store.
02:44:12.000 It's, I mean, I guess everywhere, but the store is just such a concentrated example of this.
02:44:19.000 Where you don't see the physical being of the person or age isn't a thing.
02:44:25.000 Can you kill?
02:44:27.000 Can you kill? 0.97
02:44:28.000 It's almost the most, you know how we talk about inclusivity and all that stuff? 1.00
02:44:33.000 There is no more of that than at a comedy club because the bottom line is can you kill and do you have a space brain? 0.76
02:44:39.000 And I'm fascinated by the way you think.
02:44:42.000 Like the fact that I could be friends with Joey Diaz or I would never encounter him in the real, you know what I mean?
02:44:50.000 You'd have to find him in a zoo.
02:44:51.000 I'd have to find him in a zoo.
02:44:53.000 But the fact that we're all at this club and we're performing, you just fall in love with people's brains.
02:44:59.000 Yeah.
02:45:00.000 And there's like a romance to that.
02:45:01.000 It's a real meritocracy.
02:45:02.000 I had this conversation with Ali Wong once.
02:45:05.000 She was like, really wanted to know what I thought.
02:45:08.000 She goes, you think stand-up is a real meritocracy?
02:45:11.000 I'm like, it's the purest meritocracy in art.
02:45:15.000 Like, you're either funny or you're not. 1.00
02:45:17.000 Like, you know, and Allie's a fucking murderer. 1.00
02:45:20.000 I knew her before she blew up. 1.00
02:45:21.000 It was great.
02:45:22.000 Like, she lived in Pico and Robertson or something.
02:45:26.000 I was living in K-Town. 0.98
02:45:28.000 And we became friends, and we would chat and stuff.
02:45:31.000 And I remember one time, I think we had lunch, and then we just played Dance Dance Revolution.
02:45:36.000 You guys played dance where?
02:45:38.000 She got it on PlayStation.
02:45:39.000 So we had lunch or whatever.
02:45:41.000 She had the ground pad?
02:45:43.000 No, it was called Just Dance or something.
02:45:45.000 So we were just playing that.
02:45:47.000 And then she was talking about...
02:45:50.000 Like, waiting to do a special and stuff.
02:45:52.000 I think someone offered her a half, and then she was waiting to do an hour.
02:45:56.000 She's like, I gotta get pregnant first. 1.00
02:45:58.000 I mean, I don't think it was that calculated.
02:46:01.000 But it's very cool to see these people before they pop.
02:46:06.000 Like, I knew Theo before he popped.
02:46:08.000 I knew Santino before he popped.
02:46:11.000 Like, Hasan Minhaj.
02:46:12.000 Like, he was in a sketch group with me.
02:46:14.000 So, like, we were doing sketches around LA before he popped.
02:46:17.000 What do you think about the controversy with him?
02:46:19.000 What's the controversy?
02:46:20.000 Is it the workplace thing?
02:46:22.000 Yeah.
02:46:22.000 Or what?
02:46:23.000 I think it might be bringing some people over.
02:46:27.000 I don't know if he was privy to it, because there's showrunners and stuff.
02:46:31.000 He's just concentrating on doing the show.
02:46:32.000 But that show was a good show, right?
02:46:35.000 I liked it.
02:46:36.000 It was like a John Oliver...
02:46:37.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
02:46:38.000 But there was also...
02:46:40.000 Wasn't there an episode that he did about Saudi Arabia?
02:46:43.000 Yeah, they banned it.
02:46:44.000 Yeah.
02:46:45.000 Yeah, they banned that show.
02:46:47.000 That was crazy.
02:46:48.000 Did you ever see The Dissident?
02:46:50.000 No.
02:46:51.000 Brian Fogle was on the podcast, and he's the guy who made The Dissident, the documentary, and he also made Icarus.
02:47:00.000 I love Icarus.
02:47:02.000 That's so fascinating.
02:47:03.000 Icarus is amazing, and The Dissident's amazing, too, and it's about the killing of Jamal Khashoggi.
02:47:28.000 I don't know if that's the place.
02:47:31.000 I don't know if that's the place anymore because I feel like there's too much corporate involvement.
02:47:36.000 There's too much influence on content. 0.98
02:47:40.000 Anytime anything gets big enough, you're going to get shit like that. 0.98
02:47:44.000 There's going to be strings attached, you know? 0.98
02:47:48.000 Yeah, that's the criticism of me being on Spotify.
02:47:51.000 Yeah, how's that been?
02:47:53.000 How's the move been? 1.00
02:47:53.000 They don't give a fuck, man. 1.00
02:47:55.000 They don't care what you do? 0.99
02:47:55.000 They haven't given me a hard time at all. 0.99
02:47:57.000 There's a few episodes they didn't want on their platform that I was like, okay, I don't care.
02:48:01.000 But other than that, in terms of what I do in the future, the big test was having Alex Jones on.
02:48:07.000 Yeah.
02:48:07.000 Yeah.
02:48:09.000 Let's see how this relationship really goes.
02:48:11.000 A lot of people are like, you know, they're telling Joe Rogan what he can do, what he can't do.
02:48:15.000 I'm like, they're not.
02:48:17.000 They're not.
02:48:17.000 And let's show you.
02:48:19.000 Alex Jones and Tim Dillon was like one of my favorite podcasts I've ever done.
02:48:23.000 I love Tim.
02:48:24.000 I love him to death.
02:48:25.000 Is he coming out here?
02:48:26.000 Yeah, he's moving here.
02:48:27.000 March 1st.
02:48:27.000 Whitney hit me up.
02:48:28.000 I think she's doing my show.
02:48:29.000 She's coming.
02:48:29.000 She's doing my show in Vulcan.
02:48:30.000 That bitch is coming. 1.00
02:48:31.000 She's coming. 1.00
02:48:31.000 I want Annie to come out here. 1.00
02:48:33.000 Annie Letterman is another one that I love her mind, man.
02:48:35.000 She's so funny.
02:48:37.000 She's so funny. 0.99
02:48:39.000 She said about the Chinese anal probe. 0.99
02:48:41.000 Have you seen the anal probe they're doing at airports now for COVID? No. 0.98
02:48:45.000 She's like, that's the only probe you want them to keep going?
02:48:47.000 No.
02:48:47.000 You sure you found it?
02:48:49.000 Keep going.
02:48:50.000 Keep going.
02:48:51.000 Keep looking.
02:48:52.000 I don't know if you found that long-haul COVID. One thing I will say about the Spotify layout, though, as a fan, I want to tune into the pod sometimes.
02:49:01.000 I find it hard to watch on my TV. Yeah.
02:49:05.000 So that sucks. 0.97
02:49:06.000 You know what I mean? 0.97
02:49:07.000 They're working on that.
02:49:09.000 It's eventually going to be on all platforms in terms of television-based platforms.
02:49:14.000 Well, right now it's on Chromecast, and it's on Google Play, and they're working on Roku and Apple TV. They're working on a bunch of different platforms that will eventually be.
02:49:28.000 But it's not as smooth as it probably should have been when we first transferred over in December.
02:49:34.000 But they just weren't ready for the volume.
02:49:38.000 They had never had a show.
02:49:39.000 First of all, they created video because of the conversation we had about this podcast.
02:49:45.000 They wanted the podcast to be audio only.
02:49:47.000 And my manager was like, think about the Elon Musk moment when Elon Musk is smoking weed.
02:49:53.000 That is a viral moment that only happens with video.
02:49:57.000 Where Elon's like, it's legal, right?
02:49:59.000 I'm like, yeah, it's totally legal.
02:50:00.000 I saw the painting!
02:50:02.000 I remember I was at the airport.
02:50:05.000 And I had sunglasses and a hat and I'm on my way to Vegas.
02:50:09.000 And I'm like looking at this CNN monitor and it shows Elon smoking weed on my podcast.
02:50:14.000 And I'm like, oh no.
02:50:17.000 What a trip.
02:50:18.000 I was like, what have I done?
02:50:20.000 But those moments, those crazy viral moments, they don't exist without video.
02:50:26.000 And my manager said that to Spotify.
02:50:28.000 Spotify's like, you're right.
02:50:30.000 And then they started working on the video platform.
02:50:32.000 And then, you know, there's been a lot of weirdness.
02:50:36.000 Like, a lot of...
02:50:38.000 You know, we're talking about, like, how people...
02:50:41.000 Get a sense of who a person is without actually communicating with them, without being there with them.
02:50:47.000 And you could define someone or have this distorted perception of who a person is without actually communicating with them.
02:50:57.000 That's one of the things that happened with Spotify, with some of their staff, where they thought I was transphobic or thought I was a bad person.
02:51:03.000 I saw one of their staff say that I was a shock jock.
02:51:09.000 Like, I'm not even remotely like that.
02:51:11.000 Yeah, you're just a dude with a mic.
02:51:13.000 Yeah.
02:51:13.000 I always tell people, because sometimes, I know he's a comic and stuff, so I see you more as a comic than anything, and you didn't intend on this becoming as big as it's become.
02:51:25.000 It's just organically grown, and people tune in because they want to tune in.
02:51:29.000 You're not being force-fed down people's throat.
02:51:33.000 They're, like, choosing to listen to you.
02:51:34.000 Yeah, but I've actually, on purpose, never advertised for this show.
02:51:40.000 I've never asked people to watch it.
02:51:43.000 I've never gone on television shows and promoted it.
02:51:47.000 I've never taken out any billboards or ads.
02:51:50.000 Spotify did some of that stuff when I switched over to them, but I never did any of it.
02:51:53.000 So I always think it's so odd when people hold you to the same standards as CNBC or these entities.
02:52:00.000 You're just like a guy with a mic.
02:52:02.000 You know what I mean?
02:52:03.000 But they don't like it because it gets much more of an audience than them.
02:52:06.000 That's what freaks them out.
02:52:07.000 When you have these huge multinational corporations that have thousands of employees and they can't even touch the amount of reach that a guy with a podcast has.
02:52:18.000 That's madness for them.
02:52:20.000 I've seen clips of your first episode or whatever or pictures.
02:52:23.000 It's absurd!
02:52:24.000 It's absurd!
02:52:25.000 You know?
02:52:26.000 It's been an organic thing.
02:52:29.000 You can see how it grows.
02:52:31.000 But it's also a lesson to all these other comics, too.
02:52:34.000 Like, what's the difference?
02:52:35.000 Well, the difference is I grind.
02:52:37.000 I just keep going.
02:52:38.000 It's the same thing that got you good at comedy.
02:52:40.000 What got you good at comedy?
02:52:41.000 Stage time.
02:52:42.000 What gets you good at podcast?
02:52:43.000 Podcast time.
02:52:44.000 You know what I've noticed?
02:52:45.000 Just keep doing it.
02:52:46.000 Even just doing my podcast, especially during the pandemic.
02:52:49.000 What's it called?
02:52:49.000 Dance time?
02:52:50.000 Fahyman or Dance Hour.
02:52:51.000 Dance Hour.
02:52:51.000 Fahyman or Dance Hour.
02:52:53.000 Just when the pandemic hit, you lean into what is available to you.
02:52:57.000 So stand-up wasn't really there.
02:52:59.000 So I doubled down on the podcast.
02:53:01.000 I got a nicer space to film it in a nice studio.
02:53:04.000 And I've been doing it for two years now.
02:53:07.000 And obviously I'm better at it now than I was the first three months or whatever.
02:53:12.000 It's a skill.
02:53:13.000 It's a skill.
02:53:13.000 And time is time.
02:53:15.000 And anything that you do...
02:53:17.000 And I've just found it's helped with my stand-up even because talking is talking.
02:53:24.000 And even though this is conversational, it just wires your brain and you have certain pathways where you are comfortable formulating thought and it's conducive to podcasting and then also stand-up.
02:53:37.000 Yeah.
02:53:38.000 Well, the best example of that is Bill Burr.
02:53:40.000 Yes, with his Monday morning podcast. 0.99
02:53:42.000 Because he's fucking ranting just him and a microphone. 0.97
02:53:45.000 And he's so prolific with his stand-up because he's developed that muscle of creation. 0.99
02:53:50.000 And also, I'm kind of an introvert.
02:53:52.000 Like, I don't really talk a lot.
02:53:53.000 Just like, if I'm at a party or something, I'm not like life of the party or anything.
02:53:57.000 It's kind of laying the cut.
02:53:59.000 So having a weekly podcast where I have to expunge at length for an hour or two hours, whatever it may be, It forces you...
02:54:08.000 You have no guests?
02:54:09.000 Sometimes I do.
02:54:10.000 Like, I had Joe List on.
02:54:11.000 I love Joe List.
02:54:12.000 I love Joe List, too.
02:54:13.000 Yeah, yeah.
02:54:14.000 It's hilarious.
02:54:14.000 So, I'm going to use my network.
02:54:18.000 I've been doing stand-up, so I want to, like, get Bobby on eventually and just whoever wants to do it to, like, get some guests.
02:54:24.000 But I also like not having it be so guest-dependent where the people just like me and my co-host...
02:54:29.000 Yeah.
02:54:31.000 So I've just found that podcasting has lent itself to elevating my stand-up even.
02:54:38.000 For sure.
02:54:40.000 It not just elevated my stand-up, but it elevated the way I think about things.
02:54:46.000 It elevated my ability to communicate with people.
02:54:49.000 I'm way better at talking to people now.
02:54:51.000 I'm critical about my ability to talk to people.
02:54:54.000 If I have a conversation that's clunky, and this is so weird, like just a dinner conversation, I say something clunky, it bothers me.
02:55:03.000 I wake up in the middle of the night, take a leak, and it bothers me.
02:55:07.000 If people think I'm cocky, I'm the most hypercritical person that I know. 0.99
02:55:14.000 I fucking hate everything I do. 0.96
02:55:16.000 I have to accept that when I release a special, I don't ever watch them. 0.99
02:55:21.000 I edit them and then I never watch them again.
02:55:23.000 I just release it.
02:55:24.000 I don't want to watch myself.
02:55:25.000 I hate myself.
02:55:25.000 I'm the same way, dude.
02:55:26.000 In that way. 1.00
02:55:27.000 Sometimes trolls will write some shit or whatever. 1.00
02:55:30.000 I think what trolls don't understand is... 0.99
02:55:32.000 I don't love everything I do.
02:55:34.000 Of course.
02:55:35.000 You're probably right.
02:55:36.000 Yeah, for sure.
02:55:36.000 There's no other way to get good.
02:55:38.000 You have to be hypercritical.
02:55:40.000 The thing about being an artist or whatever is you have to put yourself out there.
02:55:45.000 Good or bad, you have to put yourself out there.
02:55:48.000 And if you get that, you get that.
02:55:49.000 Some people like it, some people don't.
02:55:51.000 But I took the swing and there it is.
02:55:53.000 And I don't love everything that I've done.
02:55:56.000 The thing is they didn't take the swing.
02:55:57.000 The trolls didn't take the swing.
02:55:58.000 And one of the things that they have the ability to do is they have the ability to criticize you and criticize everyone without looking at themselves.
02:56:05.000 And that's why they focus so much time on criticizing other people.
02:56:09.000 Yeah, I've almost found, though, that...
02:56:11.000 I don't get mad at that.
02:56:12.000 I understand it for what it is.
02:56:13.000 But also, I think that troll forum or whatever, that's their comedy store.
02:56:18.000 That's their outlet.
02:56:20.000 Yeah, for sure.
02:56:21.000 And I get it.
02:56:22.000 Well, that's why I think comments are important.
02:56:24.000 I used to think that comments are like...
02:56:26.000 Like, I had a friend reach out when I said that...
02:56:30.000 I want to figure out a way for Spotify to put comments on the episodes. 0.96
02:56:34.000 And they were like, don't fucking do that.
02:56:36.000 This friend reached out. 0.99
02:56:37.000 And he was like, that is the worst part of YouTube is the comments.
02:56:39.000 I'm like, I don't know if that's right.
02:56:42.000 I mean, it's sometimes the worst part of the comments.
02:56:46.000 But also sometimes it gives people the ability.
02:56:48.000 And I can't read them.
02:56:50.000 And one of the reasons why I can't read them is I don't have the time.
02:56:54.000 I don't have the time to engage with all these different ideas and opinions.
02:56:57.000 And I think that if I was being disingenuous with my criticism of myself, I probably could use comments to keep me in line. 0.96
02:57:06.000 But I'm fucking ruthless with myself. 0.96
02:57:08.000 Like, I'm good. 0.97
02:57:08.000 And I don't want to hurt my feelings. 0.97
02:57:10.000 I'm the same way.
02:57:11.000 I kind of create, I put it out there, and I don't need to go.
02:57:15.000 I always liken going to the comment section, it's like Lord of the Rings.
02:57:19.000 You put a battle helmet on...
02:57:21.000 Fight the orcs.
02:57:23.000 Yeah, you fight orcs.
02:57:24.000 It's just not emotional as an artist.
02:57:27.000 There's no good in going into the comments section.
02:57:30.000 It's not healthy.
02:57:31.000 It's not healthy to hear the good stuff either.
02:57:33.000 Yeah.
02:57:34.000 But I understand the value and that it's community based and that's great.
02:57:39.000 That they have a forum to do that.
02:57:41.000 There's a value in that.
02:57:42.000 That's where YouTube shines.
02:57:43.000 I don't have to be privy to that.
02:57:45.000 I can just create, blast it out, and just worry about me.
02:57:49.000 That's where YouTube shines over all other forums, is that they have that comment section.
02:57:54.000 I think that Spotify needs to recognize that.
02:57:57.000 I've tried to talk to them about that, and there's been some discussion about putting comments.
02:58:01.000 But one of the things they said was like, if we put comments on your podcast, we have to put comments on everybody's podcast.
02:58:06.000 Yeah, so.
02:58:07.000 But I go, why?
02:58:08.000 Just put them on mine. 0.99
02:58:09.000 I don't give a fuck. 0.99
02:58:10.000 Just put them on mine. 0.99
02:58:13.000 It's like these people that are commenting, even if they have criticism, they're fucking listening, man. 0.98
02:58:18.000 Yeah. 0.99
02:58:19.000 Like sometimes they hate me and sometimes they love me.
02:58:21.000 They're entitled to it.
02:58:22.000 But that's just like me.
02:58:23.000 I don't like me all the time either.
02:58:25.000 Yeah, dude.
02:58:25.000 I have this thought.
02:58:26.000 I go, sometimes when somebody writes something shitty, I want to be like, you think you can top what's in my brain? 0.69
02:58:32.000 Yeah, it's impossible. 0.99
02:58:33.000 You think you're a better troll than my brain? 0.66
02:58:35.000 You're not there when I wake up at five in the morning angry at myself and I go to the gym. 0.97
02:58:39.000 You have no idea. 0.60
02:58:40.000 Yeah, the biggest troll's in my head. 0.88
02:58:41.000 Good luck. 0.88
02:58:42.000 Yeah.
02:58:43.000 Good luck.
02:58:44.000 Good luck. 1.00
02:58:44.000 Yeah, there's fucking monsters in my head. 1.00
02:58:47.000 Good luck. 1.00
02:58:48.000 You can't, yeah.
02:58:50.000 You can't top it.
02:58:50.000 It's a weird art form, man.
02:58:52.000 And one of the things that's so critical about a place like the Comedy Store and one of the things that I need to recreate out here in L.A. is a place where we all feel safe.
02:59:03.000 We're all surrounded by like-minded artists.
02:59:07.000 And we need an artist colony out here.
02:59:09.000 And we don't need Hollywood.
02:59:11.000 Look, I had a lot of crazy ideas coming out here.
02:59:14.000 And sometimes I think...
02:59:19.000 Sometimes I think I'm guided by this weird instinct that knows what I would want someone to do if I wasn't me.
02:59:30.000 Like if I wasn't me and there was this dude who got this crazy deal where he got all this money and he had all this influence because he had this pocket.
02:59:37.000 What would I want him to do?
02:59:38.000 I'd want him to make a utopia for the art form.
02:59:41.000 Make some place where I'm like, listen...
02:59:45.000 Get wild.
02:59:46.000 Let's create.
02:59:47.000 Let's do it.
02:59:48.000 I want to support you.
02:59:49.000 I want to elevate all these artists.
02:59:51.000 I want to let you know you're okay.
02:59:52.000 I want to let you know there's a place that you can come.
02:59:55.000 You could experiment.
02:59:57.000 You could express yourself.
02:59:58.000 You could work on your act.
02:59:59.000 And then when your act gets good and you want to show it to the world, I want to help you show it to the world.
03:00:04.000 And I want more people to try.
03:00:06.000 I want more open micers.
03:00:07.000 I want more beginners.
03:00:09.000 I want more people who are thinking, I don't like this accounting job.
03:00:12.000 I want to be a comic.
03:00:13.000 I want you to try.
03:00:15.000 I want them all to try.
03:00:17.000 Mitzi Shore, outside of comedians, she's the most important figure in the history of stand-up comedy.
03:00:25.000 I agree.
03:00:27.000 I need to bring it to LA or to Austin.
03:00:30.000 But in my L.A. studio, there's a painting.
03:00:33.000 You saw that painting. 0.99
03:00:34.000 There's a painting of Mitzi that's on my fucking wall in the studio. 0.99
03:00:37.000 That's going to come out here. 0.98
03:00:38.000 I'm going to bring that out here.
03:00:39.000 It needs to be here.
03:00:40.000 I need that spirit because I want that here.
03:00:46.000 It's never been done as a comic, but I think I've got a rare and unusual opportunity to do it, to help.
03:00:55.000 This is a weird art form, man.
03:00:56.000 And the art form has taken a big hit during this pandemic.
03:00:59.000 It's taken a big hit because, you know, during woke culture, there's a lot of challenges.
03:01:04.000 But I think those challenges are ultimately going to lead to stronger comedy, better comedy.
03:01:10.000 Guys like Tim Dillon, guys like Andrew Schultz, guys who are just bucking the system during COVID, during the pandemic, during the woke culture, and getting buck wild.
03:01:20.000 And I feel an extraordinary responsibility.
03:01:24.000 And I have a drive to it.
03:01:26.000 It's hard to explain.
03:01:27.000 I need to explain it to my wife or explain it to my manager or to anybody.
03:01:31.000 I'm like, I have a responsibility.
03:01:33.000 Outside of doing this podcast, I have this responsibility to this art form because I think I have the ability to do something that is unusual.
03:01:43.000 And I think I've got to do it.
03:01:44.000 And I think I've got to create a real colony out here.
03:01:48.000 A colony that's independent of Hollywood but also supportive of I want to let everybody know. 0.99
03:01:55.000 You're a fucking good comic or a good person. 0.97
03:01:57.000 You want to just figure it out. 0.99
03:01:59.000 I want to elevate you.
03:02:01.000 I want to boost your signal.
03:02:02.000 I want to get it out there.
03:02:04.000 I really do.
03:02:05.000 It's very, very, very important to me.
03:02:08.000 I want to help all kinds of people.
03:02:11.000 Authors and musicians and all these interesting people that have all these interesting ideas.
03:02:15.000 But I want to help the art form.
03:02:18.000 I really do.
03:02:19.000 I want to help it the way Mitzi helped me.
03:02:22.000 Yeah.
03:02:22.000 Even when you were texting me about, you know, your plans and all that.
03:02:27.000 It's very different than a regular person would do it.
03:02:29.000 It was kind of very selfless.
03:02:31.000 That took me aback where I'm like, wow, this is rare.
03:02:34.000 Because it's very artist-friendly, what you're trying to do.
03:02:37.000 I feel like I have an overwhelming abundance of things that have happened that are good to me.
03:02:44.000 It's almost like it's not fair.
03:02:46.000 I get why anybody would be mad at me.
03:02:48.000 My life is too lucky.
03:02:50.000 I've had so many great careers.
03:02:52.000 I have three great careers going on at the same time.
03:02:54.000 I have the UFC, I have stand-up comedy, and I have the number one podcast in the world.
03:03:00.000 It doesn't make any sense.
03:03:01.000 Why does anybody have all this stuff?
03:03:03.000 It doesn't make any sense.
03:03:04.000 But I feel like that.
03:03:07.000 And I feel like I have a responsibility.
03:03:11.000 Like I could either just like hide or run away from all this.
03:03:14.000 Like this is too much.
03:03:15.000 I'm gonna go to the woods.
03:03:16.000 I'm gonna live on a mountain.
03:03:17.000 You're just like corralling it and making it work for you and for all of us.
03:03:21.000 I want to help everybody.
03:03:22.000 I really do.
03:03:23.000 I really do.
03:03:23.000 Because I think we could do something really unique.
03:03:26.000 I think we could change it.
03:03:27.000 I think we could change it all.
03:03:29.000 I think we could help.
03:03:30.000 I have a thought on this.
03:03:31.000 Can I pee real quick?
03:03:32.000 Yeah, go pee, bro.
03:03:33.000 Where's the bathroom?
03:03:33.000 Go out that door.
03:03:35.000 Go past the kitchen and to the left-hand side.
03:03:46.000 What's up, Jamie?
03:03:47.000 That could be really bad, too.
03:03:48.000 Three-hour mark.
03:03:50.000 I was waiting.
03:03:51.000 Can you hang on?
03:03:52.000 I try to hold for this.
03:03:52.000 I don't want to talk by myself.
03:03:54.000 These are always boring.
03:03:56.000 Just me by myself.
03:03:59.000 How are you doing out here?
03:04:00.000 Good?
03:04:00.000 Yeah.
03:04:01.000 How often do you get high and look out your window and think about jumping?
03:04:05.000 It's the call of the void, man.
03:04:07.000 It happens every day.
03:04:08.000 It's weird, isn't it?
03:04:10.000 Jamie lives on a very high floor of a beautiful place with a crazy view and he sends me pictures from his apartment and I get nervous from your pictures.
03:04:21.000 I don't know if I could live where you live.
03:04:23.000 The Call of the Void describes an impulse to hurl yourself into a void.
03:04:30.000 While unnerving, it's a pretty common experience.
03:04:33.000 It has nothing to do with suicidal ideation.
03:04:36.000 I get a lot of dreams about falling.
03:04:40.000 Falling from extreme heights.
03:04:42.000 I called Burt Kreischer while I sent him a text.
03:04:44.000 I woke up in the morning, I had a terrible dream about Burt Kreischer that he was climbing a bridge and he fell off a bridge.
03:04:49.000 He was doing some crazy stunt.
03:04:52.000 He tried climbing this bridge and he fell.
03:04:55.000 I didn't watch him die, but I saw him fall.
03:04:58.000 I got scared.
03:04:59.000 I called him up.
03:05:00.000 I told him, I sent a text rather. 0.98
03:05:02.000 I said, dude, I had this crazy fucking dream about you. 0.99
03:05:06.000 You were climbing a bridge and you fell off a bridge. 0.99
03:05:10.000 He does crazy stuff though.
03:05:11.000 That's the problem.
03:05:12.000 This is apparently very similar to when you're driving down the 101 and you're like, what would happen if I just went and turned into it?
03:05:20.000 Same kind of thought.
03:05:21.000 The worst is the 1. Yeah, when you're going up to San Francisco, Pacific Coast Highway.
03:05:30.000 They don't say the out here.
03:05:31.000 We have to adjust the way we think.
03:05:34.000 My wife let me know that. 0.95
03:05:35.000 You can't say the and then a highway in Texas.
03:05:39.000 I only have two here.
03:05:40.000 Yeah.
03:05:41.000 There's no differentiation.
03:05:42.000 Like, which one?
03:05:43.000 Let me say the 360. You can't say the 360. You gotta say 360. Do you like it out here?
03:05:51.000 Yeah.
03:05:51.000 I mean, it's been...
03:05:52.000 Do you like it better?
03:05:55.000 Hard to say that, but because LA, we didn't leave the place I went to.
03:06:00.000 Right.
03:06:01.000 You know what I mean?
03:06:01.000 Right.
03:06:02.000 So, no.
03:06:04.000 I mean, stuck inside all year.
03:06:06.000 Right.
03:06:08.000 Yeah, because of COVID. I like it way better out here.
03:06:12.000 I feel better.
03:06:14.000 I feel more like I'm on the right path.
03:06:18.000 I feel more detached.
03:06:19.000 Yeah.
03:06:21.000 But like what we were talking about with Fahim, that I feel like this weird responsibility.
03:06:24.000 I feel like I'm on the right path out here.
03:06:27.000 I don't know if that's right.
03:06:29.000 But I'm not 100% confident in that.
03:06:34.000 But I know that that's how I feel.
03:06:36.000 Like I should be going.
03:06:37.000 Like when I make decisions about things, I have this weird voice inside my head.
03:06:44.000 It's not even a voice.
03:06:45.000 It's like a feeling.
03:06:45.000 Green light, red light.
03:06:47.000 And green light says go.
03:06:49.000 Voice inside my head says, jump.
03:06:54.000 I wonder about you, man.
03:06:57.000 I don't want to get a text message.
03:06:59.000 The weirder ones are when it was snowing, for instance.
03:07:03.000 When it gets really foggy, you can't see the distance.
03:07:07.000 You can't see anything.
03:07:08.000 It just looks like you're on the balcony of a first floor, whatever it is.
03:07:13.000 It looks like there's nothing there. 0.99
03:07:15.000 That's fucking weird. 0.98
03:07:16.000 Did you think about jumping? 0.99
03:07:17.000 No, not at all.
03:07:18.000 I don't think about it, but I'm wondering why do I think about it?
03:07:21.000 Why is there something in the back of my head that's like, get up off the couch and go run outside, right? 0.99
03:07:24.000 And I'm like, what the fuck is that? 0.98
03:07:27.000 It's not a thought I would ever have in my head. 0.99
03:07:28.000 The call of the void.
03:07:30.000 I used to feel that when I did Fear Factor, when we'd be on a roof, and these people had to do a stunt, and I'd look off the edge of the roof.
03:07:36.000 There's a...
03:07:39.000 You have a thing about heights?
03:07:40.000 Yeah.
03:07:41.000 No, I don't really have a thing about heights, but I do have a thing about worrying about heights, and I have dreams sometimes about falling.
03:07:49.000 But I try to figure out what those dreams are. 0.59
03:07:51.000 I think those dreams are that I recognize that I'm in a very unusual place, and I could fuck up and fall from where I'm at. 0.89
03:07:59.000 I think that's some sort of a metaphor. 0.80
03:08:03.000 I know that I'm in some weird spot that you could easily say I don't deserve.
03:08:09.000 But I don't think anybody deserves a spot.
03:08:11.000 Yeah, I've always found you're on the ground floor of so many industries that no one would have known have popped off the way they have.
03:08:18.000 Like you were so early to podcasting, and then UFC, and then stand-up, you've been doing forever as well.
03:08:24.000 So it's this three-pronged approach that it's like the perfect storm.
03:08:29.000 Well, it's not.
03:08:30.000 It's totally on accident.
03:08:31.000 That's the beauty of it, though.
03:08:33.000 That's probably what helps the most.
03:08:35.000 It's like the UFC. When I started doing the UFC, dude, I was on Fear Factory.
03:08:40.000 Oh, no.
03:08:40.000 It was before Fear Factory.
03:08:41.000 Excuse me.
03:08:42.000 I was on News Radio.
03:08:43.000 Dude, I love that show.
03:08:44.000 It's a great show.
03:08:45.000 I got so lucky.
03:08:46.000 It was one of my favorite shows. 0.98
03:08:47.000 I was like fucking six years into stand-up. 0.94
03:08:50.000 You know, the show that I'm working on right now, there was a writer who was on News Radio. 0.97
03:08:53.000 Who?
03:08:54.000 Andy Gordon.
03:08:55.000 Andy Gordon?
03:08:55.000 Andy Gordon.
03:08:56.000 He said to say hello.
03:08:58.000 You're working with Andy Gordon?
03:08:59.000 Andy Gordon.
03:09:00.000 You know what's great, too?
03:09:01.000 I wish I could tell you a story, but I don't think I should tell you on air.
03:09:03.000 I'll tell you off air.
03:09:04.000 Yeah, yeah.
03:09:05.000 He told me to ask you about something.
03:09:06.000 We'll talk about it afterwards.
03:09:07.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
03:09:07.000 We'll talk about it afterwards.
03:09:08.000 I love that guy.
03:09:09.000 He's so great.
03:09:09.000 He's a nice guy.
03:09:11.000 And one of the beauties about being in a writer's room is, you know, I'm like a young gun or whatever when it comes to...
03:09:15.000 I've just been doing stand-up.
03:09:16.000 I've been an astronaut.
03:09:18.000 Go pee, young Jamie. 1.00
03:09:19.000 And shave your head.
03:09:22.000 So, like, you get to hear all these great Hollywood stories because he's been a writer on news radio.
03:09:29.000 He's been a writer on a lot of things.
03:09:30.000 Everything. 0.95
03:09:31.000 And, like, Just Shoot Me. 0.84
03:09:32.000 And, like, I watched that show as well. 0.54
03:09:34.000 Yeah.
03:09:35.000 And you get to hear...
03:09:36.000 I'm just a fan of Hollywood stories and how the sausage...
03:09:39.000 And he's been around, right?
03:09:39.000 Yeah.
03:09:40.000 What did he say about news radio?
03:09:41.000 We didn't get to talk about it that much.
03:09:43.000 I think because I'm in the writer's room and sometimes I'll say, oh, I got to do a show later tonight or I'm going to see Joe.
03:09:52.000 I like being a stand-up in the writer's room because some writers, they're just happy being a writer and that's great.
03:10:00.000 But I'm also doing this other thing as well.
03:10:03.000 Well, it's not just another thing, it's a dangerous thing.
03:10:05.000 I guess so, yeah.
03:10:06.000 People look at you like, oh, Vahim's a stand-up.
03:10:09.000 Yeah, but that's all I've known.
03:10:11.000 That doesn't feel...
03:10:12.000 Sometimes people are like, oh man, how do you do stand-up?
03:10:15.000 I can't imagine.
03:10:16.000 The thing is, if you've put the time in, it's not as scary.
03:10:20.000 You don't ask a helicopter pilot, like, are you afraid every time you go up?
03:10:23.000 Right.
03:10:23.000 Because they know what they're doing.
03:10:25.000 Right.
03:10:26.000 And the same is true of stand-up.
03:10:28.000 I've put so much time, it's not as scary as you think it is.
03:10:31.000 The average person is thinking about it like they had to go on stage that night themselves.
03:10:35.000 But they haven't put the work in.
03:10:36.000 Don't you think that's the case with basically everything that's difficult?
03:10:40.000 You start off, it seems impossible. 0.96
03:10:43.000 If someone wanted to be an engineer at fucking Raytheon, whatever. 0.98
03:10:50.000 Let's say SpaceX. 0.99
03:10:51.000 SpaceX.
03:10:52.000 Yeah, perfect. 0.90
03:10:53.000 If you wanted to do that, if you wanted to design rockets that are reusable, that could eventually go to Mars, the thought process when you're a child and you like watching fucking Battlestar Galactica... 0.90
03:11:06.000 Did you watch? 0.89
03:11:07.000 I watched the reboot. 1.00
03:11:08.000 The reboot's the shit. 1.00
03:11:09.000 I loved it. 0.99
03:11:10.000 The reboot is probably one of the best...
03:11:13.000 You know what I just started?
03:11:15.000 The Expanse.
03:11:16.000 Oh, I heard it's good.
03:11:17.000 It's on SyFy, right?
03:11:18.000 No, Amazon.
03:11:19.000 It was on SyFy, but I think now it's on Amazon.
03:11:22.000 I was on SyFy for a while.
03:11:24.000 I was on Joe Rogan Questions Everything.
03:11:28.000 Me and Duncan Trussell.
03:11:29.000 And Ari Shafir, too.
03:11:31.000 What's he doing?
03:11:32.000 I see his Instagram.
03:11:33.000 Is he finding himself right now?
03:11:35.000 Ari? 0.99
03:11:35.000 Yeah. 0.99
03:11:36.000 He's doing drugs in another country.
03:11:38.000 Can't talk about it.
03:11:39.000 We'll express ourselves later after I talk to you about Andy.
03:11:43.000 Okay.
03:11:43.000 Sounds good.
03:11:44.000 But if you think about any difficult thing, it seems insurmountable when you look at if you have to go to 12 years of school and four years of internship and Whatever it fucking takes to have a career in anything and you're going to have $200,000 in student debt,
03:12:07.000 the boundary that you have to cross in order to be successful in something, it seems impossible.
03:12:14.000 So when someone actually makes it, And they've actually gone through 15 years of whatever and then here they are.
03:12:21.000 You're like, oh my god.
03:12:22.000 It's so ner- You know what it's like?
03:12:24.000 It's like when you're a jujitsu white belt and you meet a black belt.
03:12:29.000 You're like, what?
03:12:31.000 This is crazy.
03:12:32.000 And you roll with a black belt.
03:12:34.000 You feel helpless.
03:12:34.000 You're like, this is impossible.
03:12:36.000 This doesn't make any sense.
03:12:37.000 This person, they know what I'm going to do before I do it. 0.92
03:12:40.000 They have total control of my body and they can kill me anytime they want to. 0.72
03:12:43.000 This is terrifying.
03:12:44.000 And then when you become a black belt, it's the weirdest feeling in the world. 1.00
03:12:47.000 It's like, I can do to people what they're terrified that another person could do to them.
03:12:52.000 Like, that's me now.
03:12:53.000 Now I have this responsibility.
03:12:55.000 The same thing with stand-up.
03:12:56.000 Like, you start out, you're like, hey, have you ever noticed when you go to 7-Eleven, the guy working behind the counter is not always Indian?
03:13:04.000 Like... 0.99
03:13:06.000 You have these fucking stupid ideas that you think are gonna be funny, and then one day you're on Netflix. 1.00
03:13:12.000 One day you're on stage, you're telling jokes, and people are roaring laughing. 1.00
03:13:16.000 One day you get off stage and Theo Vaughn high fives you, Joey Diaz gives you a hug, and Dave Chappelle is your friend, you can text him, you're like, this is madness.
03:13:26.000 This is madness.
03:13:27.000 It doesn't make sense.
03:13:28.000 Also, you blink and you're there.
03:13:32.000 Oh yeah.
03:13:33.000 Because, especially if you really care enough about something, you just have your eyes on your own paper, ideally, and you're just working on the craft and all that.
03:13:41.000 And before you know it, you're in this, even where I'm at, like I'll get DMs or people trying to ask me advice, or maybe even in L.A., You don't see yourself that way because you've been living with yourself for so long, but you can't do something for X amount of years and not be at a certain level.
03:14:02.000 Right.
03:14:03.000 Or you get scared and you just fall apart and you never make it there.
03:14:08.000 That happens too.
03:14:09.000 And I think one of the reasons why that happens is the lack of support from colleagues, from peers, from people that are like you.
03:14:18.000 And that's one of the things that I want to encourage out here.
03:14:21.000 I think it's like...
03:14:22.000 We need some gap that's bridged.
03:14:26.000 I always talk about this in terms of impoverished communities.
03:14:29.000 We need to figure out a way to support impoverished communities the same way we think about the way to support gigantic corporations that have been impacted by the pandemic.
03:14:40.000 Why have they thought about doing that but not thought about doing that to Detroit?
03:14:44.000 Not thought about doing that to Baltimore?
03:14:47.000 Not thought about doing that to these crazy spots that have been deeply...
03:14:52.000 Engulfed in crime and violence forever.
03:14:56.000 They're missing a sense of community.
03:15:00.000 And a microcosm of that is the support and community of stand-up comedy.
03:15:05.000 The thing that separates the beginner from a guy like Bobby Lee or a guy like Ari Shafir is love and support and time.
03:15:14.000 And sometimes there's rough moments where they can't really make it without help.
03:15:19.000 Yeah.
03:15:20.000 Me too, man.
03:15:21.000 Like I said, Mark Maron helping me, or Lenny Clark telling me I was funny.
03:15:27.000 Many times, man.
03:15:28.000 There's many times.
03:15:29.000 You know what's really cool is when the pandemic first hit, stand-up wasn't going on and all that.
03:15:36.000 Also, Neil Brennan has been a mentor to me as well.
03:15:39.000 He's been really cool.
03:15:40.000 I went on the road with him maybe two years ago, just touring.
03:15:47.000 And I'll call him every now and then.
03:15:49.000 And he was like, are you cool?
03:15:50.000 Do you need money?
03:15:52.000 And that's not often that happens.
03:15:55.000 I have the writing job and I was fine.
03:15:57.000 But just that was such a move that he did that it's not lost on me.
03:16:03.000 I thought it was very cool.
03:16:05.000 He's very cool.
03:16:06.000 Yeah.
03:16:06.000 Yeah, he's an underappreciated guy.
03:16:09.000 He helped me...
03:16:11.000 We were actually in Austin, because we were on tour, and Austin was one of the cities that we hit.
03:16:15.000 We were staying at the Line Hotel, and we were just walking around.
03:16:18.000 And he was like, oh, yeah, you have like an interesting brain, and if you ever want to write on SNL or something, or I think you could probably be a good writer on there.
03:16:29.000 If you need to submit a packet or anything, I'll help you out.
03:16:32.000 I was like, oh, I just kind of like filed it in the back of my brain.
03:16:35.000 And then...
03:16:38.000 Then I had tried to sell this sketch show just because we had done Goatface on Comedy Central, which is like a one-hour sketch special with me, Hasan Minhaj, Aristotle Atheris, and Asif Ali, because we were doing YouTube sketch for a long time, and we were trying to—we just thought like, oh,
03:16:53.000 we're the next up, just with— Just Middle Eastern people, South Asian people, like how important living color was, I feel like brown people in America are the next... 0.98
03:17:06.000 Are you brown?
03:17:07.000 I'm Afghan.
03:17:08.000 So my parents are from Afghanistan.
03:17:09.000 I'm darker than you.
03:17:11.000 Dude, once I get in the sun, I'm in Austin, maybe I'm gonna lay out.
03:17:13.000 Yeah, but when I get in the sun, I get almost black.
03:17:16.000 Are you Italian or what are you? 0.99
03:17:17.000 Yeah, but I have vitiligo, so I can't really get in the sun or I look like a fucking... 0.99
03:17:20.000 I can get dark. 0.96
03:17:22.000 I have like white spots, like my fingers are all white.
03:17:23.000 I've gotten way paler as I've gotten older, but there are like old pictures of me where I look super dark.
03:17:28.000 I have Sicilian ancestry.
03:17:30.000 So you get dark. 1.00
03:17:31.000 I can get dark as fuck. 0.99
03:17:32.000 But just in terms of ethnically... 1.00
03:17:34.000 But you say you're brown.
03:17:35.000 I identify as brown.
03:17:36.000 I guess technically I'm not supposed to say that.
03:17:38.000 Am I browner than you?
03:17:40.000 I don't know.
03:17:41.000 We should have a brown off after this.
03:17:43.000 I don't know.
03:17:44.000 Jamie, who's darker, me or him?
03:17:46.000 I mean, I'm pretty pale right now.
03:17:47.000 But it's Italian-Americans at one point in time.
03:17:49.000 My grandfather explained this to me when I was a child.
03:17:52.000 My grandfather and I had a very close relationship because I really don't know my dad.
03:17:57.000 And I lived with my grandfather when I was a struggling comedian when I moved from Boston, New York.
03:18:02.000 And we had some real intense, long conversations about his childhood where he came over as an immigrant from Italy.
03:18:11.000 And Italians were... 0.98
03:18:13.000 They were... 0.90
03:18:15.000 They were treated the same way racist people treat Mexicans.
03:18:19.000 He explained to me how he's teased and picked on and bullied and they called him a guinea wop and all these horrible things.
03:18:28.000 It's weird because they've been accepted now.
03:18:32.000 Italians have slowly... 1.00
03:18:35.000 It's like during the course of my lifetime, my grandfather's lifetime, they've become white people. 0.68
03:18:42.000 Yeah.
03:18:42.000 But they weren't white people.
03:18:43.000 I feel like every ethnicity takes their lumps in America. 1.00
03:18:48.000 Like initially it's Italians and then Irish and then black people.
03:18:53.000 And then I just feel like Middle Eastern, South Asian people are on the chopping block currently. 1.00
03:18:58.000 Right.
03:18:59.000 So, In Living Color is just such a beacon to me when that came out.
03:19:03.000 I love that show.
03:19:04.000 I love what they were able to do.
03:19:06.000 It was like a release valve.
03:19:08.000 Oh, yeah.
03:19:08.000 Especially in the 90s of that time.
03:19:11.000 I just felt like what we were doing with Goatface... 1.00
03:19:14.000 Just my sketch group, it spoke to an underserved consciousness in America.
03:19:21.000 So we did the sketch show for Comedy Central.
03:19:24.000 It was like a one-hour sketch special.
03:19:25.000 I was head writer on it.
03:19:27.000 I was really proud.
03:19:28.000 It's on Amazon.
03:19:29.000 I think you could rent it.
03:19:30.000 But I was proud of what we created.
03:19:33.000 And after that, I thought...
03:19:37.000 Sometimes you're talented enough, but you feel like, okay, they didn't say yes, because I don't have enough of the credits to say yes.
03:19:44.000 Because everything is risk-meditated.
03:19:45.000 Say yes to...
03:19:46.000 Like a sketch show or something that I want to do.
03:19:49.000 Like if you want to do your own sketch show?
03:19:50.000 Yeah, or even Goatface.
03:19:52.000 You learn that not everything is merit-based in Hollywood.
03:19:55.000 It's just everyone's trying to keep their job.
03:19:58.000 Well, that's the beautiful thing about social media and YouTube.
03:20:00.000 Yes, you don't need those gatekeepers.
03:20:02.000 But if you're working in the traditional Hollywood paradigm, them saying no is not a reflection on you as a performer or as an artist.
03:20:10.000 It's just they're saying no because if they see us, their job is on the chopping block.
03:20:15.000 You need to give them enough ammo to not get fired if it goes south. 0.88
03:20:18.000 Or they have to have the balls enough to step out and say, I think this person has enough talent. 0.92
03:20:23.000 Yeah, but no one's really willing to do that. 0.98
03:20:24.000 Well, some people do.
03:20:25.000 It's very rare.
03:20:27.000 So, I thought I had enough stuff going on.
03:20:30.000 I go, okay, I was head writer on Goatface.
03:20:32.000 I had gotten variety, top ten comics to watch.
03:20:37.000 I'm at the store.
03:20:38.000 I'm one of the guys at the store.
03:20:39.000 I felt like I had enough credits to warrant, maybe, like, what I want to do.
03:20:43.000 So we went around.
03:20:44.000 We're like, Absolutely, which is a production company.
03:20:47.000 They did Nathan For You.
03:20:48.000 They did Kroll's—maybe not Kroll's show, but they work with Tim and Eric a lot.
03:20:54.000 So they're good.
03:20:55.000 They're like a reputable production company, and we would go to all these—we'd have these meetings at, like, Hulu and HBO and all these places, and they were just kind of like, whatever.
03:21:04.000 And we thought it was a slam dunk just with the product.
03:21:07.000 And then I realized, I'm like, oh, they just kind of like see me as a runt.
03:21:12.000 Or they don't see me the way I see myself and like these other people see myself.
03:21:16.000 I need to get these other credits for them to kind of take you seriously.
03:21:22.000 So that's when I was like, let me try to be a writer for SNL. Let me try to catch that Neil card.
03:21:27.000 Yeah.
03:21:28.000 Because, you know, he had mentioned that just when we were walking in Austin.
03:21:30.000 I was like, it'd be cool to just touch that place.
03:21:33.000 Because that's why I got into stand-up.
03:21:36.000 I just loved SNL growing up.
03:21:38.000 Isn't it funny, like, the perceptions, like, with people's perceptions, especially in Hollywood, that's the problem with gatekeepers.
03:21:44.000 People can say, like, there's a person that can say, I don't think people are going to get this guy.
03:21:50.000 Yeah.
03:21:51.000 I think that's something I've struggled with.
03:21:52.000 Or they can say, I think people are going to get this guy, and then they push you through.
03:21:57.000 And then, like, a lot of people get pushed through that really don't necessarily work.
03:22:02.000 I think what I, for as long as I've been doing stand-up, I think one thing that's been working against me is that, I am a comedian who happens to be Afghan.
03:22:13.000 It's not my identity.
03:22:14.000 I don't draw on it all the time.
03:22:17.000 It may be like 5% of what I do on stage.
03:22:20.000 I don't think it's 5%.
03:22:21.000 Yeah, maybe it's like 2% or 1%.
03:22:24.000 Yeah, I'm a stand-up comedian who happens to be Afghan. 0.99
03:22:28.000 I just like funny first, and that shit, look, I'm proud of it. 0.98
03:22:32.000 It informs who I am as a person, but I was born in Seattle, Washington, Evergreen Hospital. 0.99
03:22:38.000 I'm American.
03:22:39.000 My parents are from Afghanistan.
03:22:41.000 I'm proud of it.
03:22:42.000 But I don't need to draw from it.
03:22:44.000 It's not everything.
03:22:45.000 It's not everything.
03:22:46.000 And I think sometimes these diversity opportunities that happen in Hollywood, they want you to be diverse in the way they want you to be diverse.
03:22:54.000 Like, if I wanted to do a workplace comedy, they'd be like, oh, we could just get that from a white guy.
03:23:01.000 You know what I mean?
03:23:02.000 They don't say that in so many words.
03:23:04.000 I know what you're saying.
03:23:04.000 But it's like they want to strife.
03:23:06.000 They want you to be a guy who used to live in a cave.
03:23:09.000 Yeah, to go like, did your mom get killed in a killing field or something?
03:23:13.000 Who was killed in your family by a drone?
03:23:14.000 Yeah, were you a refugee?
03:23:16.000 Like, they want that story.
03:23:17.000 Yeah.
03:23:18.000 So I'm up against that.
03:23:20.000 So when I got these no's around town, I was like, alright, I gotta give them the trinkets they need. 1.00
03:23:28.000 Everyone respects SNL. Let me try to get a job there.
03:23:31.000 And Neil was a very cool man.
03:23:33.000 I would send him my sketches.
03:23:35.000 He would work with me.
03:23:36.000 We'd be on the phone for like an hour or two.
03:23:39.000 He doesn't have to do this.
03:23:40.000 He's very established.
03:23:42.000 He's huge.
03:23:43.000 But I think that's the beauty of the comedy store where Where you find people you like and you gravitate towards them and you want to usher in the new generation and he doesn't do that with a lot of people and I just felt very gracious that he took the time to do that so we put together this packet and then I send the packet in And then I don't hear anything about the packet and then they're like,
03:24:04.000 then they hit up my manager and then they're like, can you send in, we're looking at him as a performer.
03:24:09.000 Like, can you send in his stand-up?
03:24:11.000 So then we send five minutes of my stand-up and they go, alright, they like it.
03:24:14.000 They want, they want like another five and then we send another five and they go, okay, let's do it to the next round.
03:24:21.000 And it's during a pandemic, so the final stage, I would have been in 30 Rock, performing in front of...
03:24:29.000 But it's a pandemic, so I have to just do stand-up in front of my curtain at home.
03:24:33.000 Whatever.
03:24:34.000 I do it.
03:24:36.000 So I go through this whole rigmarole.
03:24:39.000 And it's cool to even be in this position.
03:24:41.000 And then, you know, I find out I don't get it, which is, you know, it's cool to even get this far and you're in the stratosphere, I guess.
03:24:48.000 But part of me is like, what happened to the packet?
03:24:51.000 No one ever...
03:24:51.000 I wasn't even trying to be a performer.
03:24:52.000 I was just trying to write.
03:24:53.000 I was just trying to write for it.
03:24:55.000 I was so happy when Punky got it.
03:24:57.000 Oh yeah, man.
03:24:58.000 I've known Punky for so long and she's been a- She's great on it too. 0.99
03:25:02.000 A bartender at the fucking store. 0.99
03:25:05.000 That's almost like old Hollywood. 1.00
03:25:07.000 Shit like that doesn't happen that much anymore. 0.99
03:25:09.000 It's amazing. 1.00
03:25:09.000 Like, oh, I was a bartender at the comedy store and now I'm on SNL. It's amazing. 1.00
03:25:14.000 Punky's always been so cool.
03:25:15.000 Yeah.
03:25:16.000 She's so nice.
03:25:18.000 And she's so wild.
03:25:19.000 She's so wild.
03:25:21.000 You know, you watch her doing stand-up, talk about her relationship with her woman. 0.82
03:25:27.000 Leslie too.
03:25:28.000 I remember when she got it.
03:25:29.000 She's another store person. 0.74
03:25:32.000 Leslie's funny.
03:25:32.000 She'll post my dance clip sometimes.
03:25:35.000 But then she like half shits on me as well. 1.00
03:25:38.000 She's like, this is so god awful, but I can't stop watching. 0.98
03:25:42.000 And I'll get all these followers.
03:25:44.000 But she like, I think she likes it though. 1.00
03:25:47.000 She's fucking with you. 1.00
03:25:48.000 She keeps posting it. 1.00
03:25:50.000 She's a comic. 0.99
03:25:52.000 I met Neil when he wasn't even a comic.
03:25:54.000 In Boston?
03:25:55.000 Yeah.
03:25:55.000 No, at the Boston Comedy Club in New York.
03:25:58.000 Oh, yeah? 0.99
03:25:58.000 Neil was like a fucking doorman or something. 0.99
03:26:01.000 I forget what he did there. 0.99
03:26:02.000 That's kind of inspiring, the pivot that he made.
03:26:04.000 A lot of writers wouldn't do that.
03:26:06.000 Well, when I first did Chappelle, he wasn't a stand-up.
03:26:09.000 When I first did Chappelle's show...
03:26:11.000 Well, the first time I did Chappelle's show was totally by accident.
03:26:16.000 I was walking down the street in New York and I saw Dave with a mustache on.
03:26:19.000 A fake mustache.
03:26:21.000 And I go, what are you doing today?
03:26:23.000 He goes, oh hey Joe!
03:26:25.000 I got a show coming out, man!
03:26:26.000 He goes, you want to be on it right now?
03:26:28.000 I go, right now?
03:26:29.000 I go, I got an hour. 0.92
03:26:31.000 And he goes, we're handing out ribbons for the best New York boobs. 0.64
03:26:35.000 And Dave was playing this character where he had a fake mustache on.
03:26:41.000 And he was relatively known.
03:26:45.000 Yeah, it's me and Dave.
03:26:49.000 So you just bumped into him?
03:26:51.000 Totally bumped into him, walking down the street. 0.96
03:26:54.000 And he goes, we're going to hand out these ribbons for New York boobs. 1.00
03:26:59.000 So I had literally an hour.
03:27:01.000 I ran into him and Bobcat Goldthwait, just walking down the street.
03:27:05.000 There's me in the lower left-hand corner of that right side.
03:27:10.000 We can see it just right there.
03:27:11.000 Did that picture right there.
03:27:12.000 That's it.
03:27:13.000 That's just me and Dave.
03:27:16.000 I'm just holding up these ribbons.
03:27:18.000 I had one hour.
03:27:19.000 I had a meeting going on.
03:27:20.000 I had one hour. 0.98
03:27:21.000 I think I was working at Caroline's and I was just walking down the street with this box of New York boobs and he's like, you got the best New York boobs! 0.89
03:27:30.000 How were people? 0.79
03:27:31.000 What were they like?
03:27:31.000 Hilarious.
03:27:32.000 They were laughing.
03:27:32.000 Really funny.
03:27:33.000 Dave's amazing.
03:27:35.000 That was the first time I was on.
03:27:37.000 And then the second time I was on, it was...
03:27:40.000 There it is. 0.86
03:27:43.000 Me and Dave, me with a full head of hair, handed out ribbons for the best New York boobs. 0.99
03:27:48.000 You got the best New York boobs! 1.00
03:27:51.000 And look at the girls shaking their titties! 1.00
03:27:52.000 Today you would bet Me Too'd in a fucking second. 1.00
03:27:55.000 You'd be on... 1.00
03:27:56.000 Every Vox article would be about what a fucking ableist, racist, sexist, homophobic, fill-in-the-blank-ist piece of shit you are. 1.00
03:28:06.000 So there was that, and then the other time I was on was a Fear Factor sketch. 1.00
03:28:12.000 That time I flew out to L.A., and Tyrone Biggums, Dave's character, was on Fear Factor, and...
03:28:22.000 That me and Neil were hanging out and Neil was the producer of the show.
03:28:27.000 And I had known Neil from Boston Comedy.
03:28:29.000 I was like, dude, look at you, you're the producer.
03:28:31.000 So he was like one of the co-creators of Chappelle's show and one of the writers.
03:28:34.000 And he was in a bunch of the sketches and...
03:28:37.000 And then afterwards, he started doing stand-up. 0.96
03:28:40.000 So that was probably like 2003 or some shit. 0.83
03:28:42.000 And then after that, he started doing stand-up. 0.81
03:28:46.000 And then I remember running into him doing stand-up.
03:28:48.000 I'm like, oh, that's cool. 0.99
03:28:50.000 I like that he took a fucking chance. 1.00
03:28:53.000 Big chance, man. 1.00
03:28:54.000 Because it's super cush.
03:28:57.000 He could have had a lane and been fine.
03:28:59.000 It's very daunting to do what we do.
03:29:02.000 But it's all we've known.
03:29:03.000 So it's not as risky to us.
03:29:05.000 So, I just don't see that trajectory a lot.
03:29:08.000 Well, especially from someone who has other options.
03:29:11.000 Yeah.
03:29:12.000 And is successful in those other options.
03:29:14.000 You know, he had other ways to do it.
03:29:17.000 But it was cool to know him as the guy who was just at the club and then see him blow up.
03:29:24.000 But also, the work he put in, too.
03:29:25.000 He'll tell me about things he's done and he would have someone kind of make sure I'm smiling on stage and stuff.
03:29:33.000 And just like...
03:29:34.000 He puts the work in it, because some people feel entitled, because he had so much success with Chappelle's show.
03:29:40.000 It's easy to just be like, alright, just come in like a steamroller, but to actually take the time to learn the craft?
03:29:47.000 Well, you have to. 1.00
03:29:48.000 If you don't, you eat shit. 1.00
03:29:50.000 There's no ifs, ands, or buts. 1.00
03:29:52.000 If you go on stage and you haven't put in that time, you're not going to do well.
03:29:56.000 I think he was aware of that.
03:29:58.000 Being around Dave for so long, and also being at Boston Comedy, and when I met Neil, it was in the early 90s.
03:30:04.000 It was like...
03:30:06.000 91 or 92. At the same time I met Ian Edwards.
03:30:09.000 I love Ian. 0.97
03:30:10.000 Oh, I fucking love that dude. 0.91
03:30:11.000 I talked to him like every week. 0.97
03:30:12.000 I talked to him yesterday.
03:30:13.000 He's like, how's that in Austin?
03:30:14.000 I'm like, I've been here two days.
03:30:15.000 I don't know yet.
03:30:16.000 He's thinking about coming out here.
03:30:17.000 Really?
03:30:17.000 Yeah, he's part of my plan.
03:30:19.000 Nice.
03:30:20.000 Yeah.
03:30:21.000 He's one of those guys as well.
03:30:23.000 I talk about space brains.
03:30:25.000 He has one of those space brains where he'll make a joke and you go, I could have never come up with that in a million years.
03:30:30.000 Yeah.
03:30:31.000 Well, he's got a uniquely relaxed sense of humor.
03:30:36.000 Yeah.
03:30:36.000 He's slow and his punch lines like sizzle.
03:30:40.000 You know, they have...
03:30:42.000 He gives them time to ignite...
03:30:45.000 He's almost a master class in let him come to you.
03:30:48.000 Because a lot of people try to cater to the audience.
03:30:52.000 Ian's Ian.
03:30:53.000 He takes his time. 0.88
03:30:55.000 He's dope.
03:30:56.000 He lets the audience come to him.
03:30:58.000 He's got great jokes.
03:31:00.000 Him and Owen Smith are my personal two favorite examples of...
03:31:07.000 Unfortunately, what can happen when you get a guy who becomes a world-class stand-up but has spent so much time writing and writing on sitcoms that people don't know?
03:31:16.000 And I've done my best to let people know about Ian and I've done my best to let people know about Owen. 0.96
03:31:20.000 But those two guys are as good as any fucking comic on the planet Earth. 0.71
03:31:24.000 I said to Owen once when he was on the show, I said, you are one of the top 20 stand-up comedians alive on earth. 0.98
03:31:30.000 And that's a fact.
03:31:32.000 And people don't know.
03:31:33.000 And I think it's crazy.
03:31:34.000 I think it's crazy that people don't know.
03:31:35.000 They're working on the same show.
03:31:37.000 Owen, he's show-running Last OG. Yes.
03:31:41.000 And Ian's writing on it.
03:31:42.000 Yes.
03:31:42.000 Yeah.
03:31:43.000 Brilliant.
03:31:44.000 Comedy store guys.
03:31:45.000 Yeah.
03:31:45.000 Brilliant.
03:31:46.000 And both geniuses.
03:31:48.000 Yeah.
03:31:48.000 You can get lost in it.
03:31:50.000 You get lost in the writing gig because it's a steady paycheck.
03:31:53.000 Steady paycheck.
03:31:54.000 And then also, I've noticed it.
03:31:56.000 Like, I haven't been in the room that long, but it seems like nothing.
03:31:59.000 You're just sitting in front of a laptop for eight hours or whatever.
03:32:02.000 Yep.
03:32:03.000 But you're wiped afterwards.
03:32:04.000 Yeah.
03:32:05.000 And also...
03:32:05.000 You can't go up on stage.
03:32:07.000 You can.
03:32:07.000 If you go up on stage, you don't have any energy.
03:32:09.000 One thing that you realize, though, is that whenever you have a job, they're renting your brain.
03:32:14.000 Right?
03:32:16.000 You know what I mean?
03:32:16.000 So I'm thinking of funny stuff, but it's for the show.
03:32:20.000 Whereas if I wasn't, then you can have more time to daydream and you could think about bits for you.
03:32:30.000 I've gotten better at it because the first week I was like, oh no.
03:32:33.000 It was so new to me just having this much time dedicated to something other than just fucking around to daydreaming for my stand-up and sketches.
03:32:42.000 But then I have a good split. 0.89
03:32:44.000 Once I punch out, I can think about me.
03:32:46.000 The weekend comes, I'm still thinking about bits.
03:32:48.000 So I found the balance.
03:32:50.000 But you can get lost in it.
03:32:52.000 It's like Inception.
03:32:54.000 You know, when you go too many layers down, you can go so far down the writer's hole that it's hard to come back to stand-up.
03:33:00.000 Well, the problem is it's a job.
03:33:03.000 And you get that paycheck every week.
03:33:05.000 And for you to say, I don't want that paycheck every week, that's hard to do.
03:33:09.000 It's very hard. 0.96
03:33:10.000 But if you want to do that fucking road, particularly before Zoom and before pandemics, you couldn't just detach yourself from the mothership. 0.98
03:33:19.000 You had to have an umbilical cord. 0.96
03:33:22.000 That's one of the perks of the pandemic, which sounds terrible, but again, I'm a proponent of turning...
03:33:31.000 Lemons in the Lemonade is I'm able to write remotely.
03:33:37.000 So while I can do that, because eventually I might have to be back on the soundstage and give alts and stuff, and it's a collaborative process, but while it's not, I get to be here.
03:33:48.000 Yeah.
03:33:49.000 So, sort of seeing opportunity where people don't see opportunity.
03:33:54.000 Yeah.
03:33:55.000 Yeah, you don't have to be like, woe is me, and just wallow in it.
03:33:58.000 You took a chance coming out here, because there's not a lot...
03:34:01.000 You understand that it's about to happen.
03:34:04.000 About to happen, and also...
03:34:07.000 When I was in LA, it was just very depressing.
03:34:09.000 I mean, I could handle it, but I would get done with my writer's room, and then at night, there's nothing.
03:34:16.000 Walking dead out there.
03:34:17.000 The weekend, there's nothing.
03:34:18.000 How sad are the streets?
03:34:20.000 Streets of LA are weird.
03:34:21.000 Yeah, man, dude, I would drive down Sunset, and it's like a ghost town.
03:34:24.000 It's like Vanilla Sky.
03:34:25.000 Yeah.
03:34:25.000 So strange.
03:34:26.000 So strange.
03:34:27.000 I've never seen... 1.00
03:34:27.000 People are racing and shit. 1.00
03:34:28.000 Cops care about other things. 1.00
03:34:30.000 Yeah, racing.
03:34:30.000 Isn't that crazy?
03:34:31.000 Yeah, no one cares.
03:34:31.000 So many people are driving so fast down Sunset.
03:34:35.000 The cops have bigger fish to fry.
03:34:36.000 They don't really care about that.
03:34:39.000 And you learn things about yourself in the pandemic.
03:34:41.000 And I just learned I'm a stand-up and I love stand-up.
03:34:45.000 And I need an audience to do what I do.
03:34:48.000 You need to go somewhere where they let you do it.
03:34:50.000 Yeah. 0.99
03:34:50.000 You can do it out here in a fucking indoor crowd. 0.99
03:34:53.000 They don't give a shit. 1.00
03:34:55.000 Yeah. 1.00
03:34:56.000 They do and they don't.
03:34:56.000 Like, they're masked up.
03:34:57.000 They're taking precautions and stuff.
03:34:59.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
03:34:59.000 Whatever.
03:35:00.000 They don't give a fuck. 0.99
03:35:01.000 They let you make out with the crowd. 0.99
03:35:04.000 It's packed.
03:35:05.000 That place is packed.
03:35:06.000 Anton's on Monday?
03:35:07.000 I went there.
03:35:08.000 I went to Kill Tony.
03:35:09.000 There was tables, but they were spaced out a bit.
03:35:11.000 Yeah, about three feet.
03:35:13.000 If COVID's in the air, you're getting it.
03:35:16.000 Yeah. 0.99
03:35:19.000 I don't give a fuck, dude. 0.99
03:35:21.000 I've got my own. 0.99
03:35:24.000 I'll be smart about it. 0.98
03:35:25.000 I'm not going to go to a rave or some shit. 0.97
03:35:26.000 Bro, you already got it. 0.99
03:35:27.000 I've already got it. 1.00
03:35:28.000 You got the fucking antibodies. 1.00
03:35:30.000 You go out there and make out with randos. 1.00
03:35:33.000 Who gives a shit? 1.00
03:35:33.000 I go, don't worry, I've already had it. 1.00
03:35:36.000 You're safe.
03:35:37.000 You don't have a girlfriend in LA, right?
03:35:38.000 No.
03:35:39.000 Oh, nice.
03:35:40.000 That's how I was able to come out here.
03:35:42.000 Get yourself a Texas gal. 1.00
03:35:43.000 I don't know.
03:35:44.000 This is an invitation to any Texas.
03:35:47.000 They're real women. 1.00
03:35:48.000 Really?
03:35:48.000 Yeah, they wear cowboy boots with no socks on.
03:35:50.000 You know, I have a theory as to why a lot of bachelorette parties, they'll go to Tennessee or they'll go to Texas and they'll dress up like a cowgirl. 1.00
03:36:00.000 Really?
03:36:00.000 Really?
03:36:00.000 Yeah, like dressing up like a cowgirl is a thing.
03:36:03.000 And I think...
03:36:04.000 With who?
03:36:05.000 It's just fun for girls to do to dress up, like wear a hat and boots. 1.00
03:36:09.000 And I think it's the only sociable or the socially acceptable form of cosplay.
03:36:15.000 Oh, okay.
03:36:16.000 Right?
03:36:16.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
03:36:16.000 Because it's one step below dressing up like Chun-Li from Street Fighter.
03:36:20.000 Right, right, right.
03:36:21.000 But it's fun.
03:36:23.000 Like, we're cowgirls!
03:36:24.000 And you can't be an Indian anymore. 1.00
03:36:26.000 Yeah, you can't do that.
03:36:27.000 Can't wear a feathered headdress.
03:36:28.000 But dressing up like a cowgirl, it's fun. 0.69
03:36:30.000 People don't look at it as weird as if you're Chun-Li.
03:36:33.000 You can be a cowgirl. 0.81
03:36:34.000 You can't be a cow... 0.99
03:36:35.000 You can't be an Indian. 1.00
03:36:38.000 Cowboys and Indians, you can't be a... 0.96
03:36:39.000 You can't do that anymore.
03:36:40.000 You can be a cowboy.
03:36:40.000 Only when you're a child, you can do that.
03:36:42.000 Even a child? 0.99
03:36:43.000 They'll beat the shit out if they find you. 1.00
03:36:44.000 Yeah, I beat the shit out of some kids. 1.00
03:36:46.000 I go, you can't do that. 0.99
03:36:47.000 You can't do red face.
03:36:48.000 Yeah, you can't do that.
03:36:49.000 How dare you?
03:36:50.000 Give me your laser gun.
03:36:53.000 It's 5 o'clock.
03:36:54.000 Let's wrap this up.
03:36:56.000 Fahim, welcome to Austin. 0.92
03:36:58.000 Thank you.
03:36:58.000 Glad you're here, brother.
03:36:59.000 This has been the best welcome I've ever had anywhere.
03:37:02.000 Thank you.
03:37:03.000 Very excited you're here.
03:37:04.000 I remember when I texted you, you were just so warm.
03:37:06.000 You were so happy.
03:37:07.000 You're like, gotta have you on the pod.
03:37:09.000 You're gonna love Texas.
03:37:11.000 My first show is tonight.
03:37:12.000 I'm headlining Vulcan Saturday.
03:37:14.000 Vulcan Gas Company is a fun place.
03:37:16.000 I think Whitney's gonna pop on and do a show. 1.00
03:37:18.000 Oh, is she here?
03:37:19.000 She might get here Friday.
03:37:22.000 She might drive. 0.92
03:37:22.000 She FaceTimed me. 0.92
03:37:23.000 She's like, Tim Dillon's coming out.
03:37:26.000 Woo! 0.99
03:37:27.000 So yeah, she'll be a special guest on my show.
03:37:31.000 All right, maybe I'll come by.
03:37:32.000 I invited you.
03:37:33.000 I know you got your own thing or whatever, but if you have time, obviously I would love to have you on the show. 0.98
03:37:39.000 Let's fucking do it. 0.97
03:37:40.000 Yeah. 1.00
03:37:40.000 Yes, sir. 1.00
03:37:43.000 All right.
03:37:44.000 Let's wrap it up.
03:37:46.000 What's your podcast again?
03:37:47.000 Podcast, Fahim Anwar Dance Hour.
03:37:49.000 Dance Hour.
03:37:49.000 And then also, last time I was on, I had a special.
03:37:53.000 It was on Amazon, but now it's on YouTube.
03:37:55.000 So it's called There's No Business Show Business.
03:37:58.000 That's the only... 0.98
03:38:00.000 Remember my dad shit on me? 0.99
03:38:01.000 Yeah. 0.99
03:38:02.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
03:38:04.000 Tell everybody what that was.
03:38:05.000 What that was?
03:38:07.000 I got booed at the Apollo back in Seattle.
03:38:09.000 I was like 17 or 18 years old.
03:38:12.000 And I auditioned to be on the Apollo in Seattle.
03:38:17.000 And so I invited everybody out.
03:38:19.000 I invited teachers and classmates and all that.
03:38:23.000 And then just everybody came out.
03:38:24.000 My parents came out.
03:38:25.000 And this is the only time they've seen me do stand-up.
03:38:27.000 And they were so against it, right?
03:38:29.000 Especially my dad.
03:38:31.000 And then they announce me.
03:38:34.000 I come out, and it's kind of shortly after 9-11.
03:38:36.000 I've told the story.
03:38:37.000 I'll use it on the last one.
03:38:37.000 But I'm like, hey, my name's Vyman Noir.
03:38:40.000 It's a Middle Eastern name.
03:38:41.000 I go Afghan, to be exact.
03:38:43.000 And people are like, boo!
03:38:44.000 They just start booing.
03:38:46.000 There's like so many boos.
03:38:48.000 Like 4,000 people.
03:38:49.000 And then the siren comes on, and I get booed offstage, right?
03:38:54.000 And then my parents took a different car.
03:38:57.000 I drove there myself.
03:38:59.000 And then I hear the story from my brother.
03:39:01.000 They're driving home and my dad goes, he's like happy, right?
03:39:04.000 He's like, well, there's no business like show business.
03:39:12.000 So that's always stuck with me.
03:39:14.000 And I named my first one-hour stand-up special, There's No Business Like Show Business.
03:39:20.000 And now it's on YouTube.
03:39:21.000 It's on Comedy Central's YouTube.
03:39:23.000 Yeah, there it is.
03:39:24.000 My buddy Aristotle directed it.
03:39:26.000 And I'm proud of it.
03:39:28.000 It's very cool that... 0.99
03:39:29.000 I love this new wave of comedians just putting their shit out on YouTube. 1.00
03:39:34.000 What's going on with your lips? 1.00
03:39:36.000 They put makeup on you, bro.
03:39:38.000 The trouble is, when you're an ethnic performer, they're used to doing white performers, and they're not used to olive skin.
03:39:48.000 And also the way it's shot, too.
03:39:50.000 No, bro, they put lipstick on you.
03:39:52.000 Your skin's fine. 1.00
03:39:53.000 Your lips are ridiculous. 1.00
03:39:55.000 They jokered me. 1.00
03:39:56.000 Don't let them do that anymore.
03:39:57.000 Yeah.
03:39:58.000 Just tell them this is what I look like.
03:39:59.000 That's what I tell them.
03:40:00.000 Sometimes I'll do shoots now where I'm like, I'm fine.
03:40:02.000 I don't need...
03:40:03.000 No, just don't let them.
03:40:04.000 Just say, you can't put makeup on me.
03:40:06.000 Yeah.
03:40:06.000 Yeah.
03:40:07.000 Honestly.
03:40:07.000 Yeah.
03:40:07.000 Like, if it's a shine thing, if I'm shiny, sure, powder it.
03:40:10.000 Look at my fucking shiny head. 0.99
03:40:11.000 You're good. 1.00
03:40:12.000 Don't you talk to me about shiny.
03:40:13.000 You're good.
03:40:13.000 Look at his head.
03:40:14.000 You can play a movie off my head.
03:40:15.000 Yeah.
03:40:16.000 Yeah.
03:40:16.000 Don't let them.
03:40:17.000 This is what you look like.
03:40:18.000 It's what I look like.
03:40:19.000 Flaws and all.
03:40:20.000 You don't need to Photoshop me.
03:40:21.000 You don't need to put lipstick on you.
03:40:23.000 But they didn't.
03:40:24.000 Maybe my lips were just especially red that day. 1.00
03:40:26.000 Unless you were sucking some cherry dick. 1.00
03:40:28.000 Maybe I was. 1.00
03:40:29.000 I always have the onstage jitters and I always try to suck like a few dicks before I go on. 0.99
03:40:33.000 Just to relax yourself. 0.99
03:40:35.000 Just to get the nerves out.
03:40:35.000 Can't be worse than this.
03:40:36.000 Yeah, it can't be worse than this.
03:40:38.000 So that's on YouTube.
03:40:40.000 Go watch it, ladies and gentlemen. 0.98
03:40:41.000 He's fucking hilarious. 0.99
03:40:42.000 And if you can get a ticket to Vulcan Gas Company Saturday night, Don't sleep. 0.99
03:40:47.000 Don't sleep.
03:40:48.000 And we're going to be doing shows out here for him.
03:40:49.000 Yeah, man.
03:40:50.000 I'd love to have you out there.
03:40:51.000 The party will be happening.
03:40:55.000 Good night, everybody.
03:40:57.000 Goodbye.
03:40:57.000 Thank you.