The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #1633 - Ali Macofsky

00:00:01.000 Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out!

00:00:03.000 The Joe Rogan Experience.

00:00:06.000 Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day!

00:00:15.000 And...

00:00:15.000 Hello, Allie!

00:00:17.000 Hi, Joe!

00:00:17.000 What's going on, kid?

00:00:18.000 How you living?

00:00:19.000 Not much.

00:00:19.000 I can call you kid for five more years.

00:00:21.000 Do I really get it that long?

00:00:23.000 Yeah, you get it to 30 because I'm 53. I'm an old man.

00:00:26.000 I can call you kid into your late 30s.

00:00:29.000 Yeah, because you'll always be older than me.

00:00:30.000 Yes, always.

00:00:31.000 You'll always be a kid.

00:00:32.000 I think kids should stop when I'm off my parents' insurance in September.

00:00:38.000 Then you'll call me an adult and I'll break my arm and I'll be like, Joe, can you help?

00:00:43.000 I remember when I was a kid, I would hear, when I was a kid, when I was in my 20s, I would hear men that were in their late 30s and 40s calling their significant other their girlfriend.

00:00:53.000 And I was like, that's a 39-year-old woman.

00:00:55.000 That's not a girl. 1.00

00:00:56.000 Well, now everyone's doing the partner thing. 0.97

00:00:59.000 I used to talk shit about it because I would have, like, straight friends who are like, this is my partner. 0.96

00:01:04.000 And I'm like, it's your boyfriend. 0.99

00:01:06.000 But now I kind of like it because girlfriend, boyfriend, it sounds so corny.

00:01:10.000 I actually got booed up, Joe.

00:01:12.000 You got booed up?

00:01:13.000 Yeah, I'm booed up.

00:01:14.000 What does that mean?

00:01:14.000 I got a boyfriend.

00:01:15.000 Oh, you got a boyfriend?

00:01:15.000 I have a boyfriend.

00:01:16.000 That's what booed up means? 0.81

00:01:17.000 Yeah, you're booed up.

00:01:18.000 Oh, where'd you meet this fella?

00:01:19.000 Tinder.

00:01:20.000 Really?

00:01:21.000 Yeah, I was trying to get an STD because I haven't had one yet.

00:01:23.000 And I found him and he's got nothing for me.

00:01:28.000 He's clean as a whistle. 0.99

00:01:29.000 Damn. 1.00

00:01:30.000 I know. 0.99

00:01:31.000 Were you hoping to get one of them curable ones or one of them ones you keep forever?

00:01:34.000 If there's a pill for it, I'm like, give it.

00:01:36.000 Give it.

00:01:36.000 Like the clap?

00:01:37.000 Yeah, I'm on my insurance until September. 1.00

00:01:39.000 I'm like, fuck it. 1.00

00:01:40.000 Let's try it out. 1.00

00:01:42.000 Yeah, the way you're trying to get COVID, I'm trying to get like chlamydia or something.

00:01:46.000 I like chlamydia.

00:01:47.000 It's hard to spell.

00:01:48.000 It's a weird one because I feel like you don't know you have it and then you give it to people and then everyone's mad at you.

00:01:53.000 It's the COVID of venereal diseases.

00:01:55.000 You don't know you have it.

00:01:56.000 I just found out that I had COVID here.

00:01:58.000 Yeah, we found out just an hour ago or 20 minutes ago.

00:02:01.000 What's really crazy is that you didn't have any idea.

00:02:03.000 I had no idea.

00:02:04.000 I mean, there was- Were you sick a little?

00:02:06.000 I was sick because I thought that I just had like a cold and I felt like really lethargic, but I'm a pretty lethargic person in general.

00:02:16.000 So I'm like, is this normal lethargy or like- For real.

00:02:20.000 And so I was like laying in bed, you know, taking like Tylenol or whatever and just kind of like trying to ride it out.

00:02:26.000 But I was going to a place.

00:02:27.000 This is what I think is so flawed is because COVID was so...

00:02:32.000 We found out so immediately.

00:02:34.000 It was like...

00:02:36.000 We're good to go.

00:02:54.000 So I thought I didn't have it, but there was part of me that was like, this could be it, but I tested negative.

00:02:58.000 Why did that particular testing center have a lot of false negatives?

00:03:02.000 Because the guy who created, it's called Curative Corps, and the guy who started it, I guess, was like a tech dude in SF, and when COVID hit, he's like, here's a money opportunity for me.

00:03:14.000 I'll just get a bunch of tests, make them happen quickly, and so he did that, and he made it happen, but there were a lot of false negatives reported.

00:03:22.000 Huh.

00:03:23.000 Yeah.

00:03:24.000 I wonder what he used, like, for testing.

00:03:28.000 That's, hmm.

00:03:30.000 Yeah.

00:03:30.000 That's bad.

00:03:31.000 It is bad.

00:03:32.000 That's because you get false confidence.

00:03:34.000 Totally.

00:03:35.000 And that's the thing is I was, like, trying to, obviously when I got sick, I'm like, there's a chance that it could be COVID, so I'm not going to, like, be raging or anything when I'm not feeling good.

00:03:45.000 And so I just laid low, but that would be such a fear for me, is, like, going over to see my parents. 0.82

00:03:51.000 Because there's this weird thing where, like, young people my age and, like, boomers my parents' age, they both kind of don't give a fuck about COVID, some of them.

00:03:58.000 My parents care, but they're like, my sister, oh, she doesn't want me talking about it. 0.96

00:04:02.000 Pfft! 0.63

00:04:04.000 My sister didn't have COVID, but hypothetically, if she did around Christmas time, she's gonna be so mad. 1.00

00:04:10.000 Fuck. 1.00

00:04:11.000 Don't say it. 1.00

00:04:11.000 She didn't have COVID, but if she did, my mom was like, if you test positive before COVID, just wear a mask over to my house. 1.00

00:04:18.000 Wow.

00:04:19.000 Yeah.

00:04:20.000 Your mom's risky. 1.00

00:04:21.000 She's a little risky gal. 1.00

00:04:22.000 That's where I get it from.

00:04:23.000 She's a risky lady. 1.00

00:04:24.000 Crazy ladies in the Makovsky home. 1.00

00:04:27.000 Yeah, that's the big fear. 0.92

00:04:31.000 I heard about this one kid who was 21 who was out partying, wasn't paying any attention at all, and almost killed his dad.

00:04:39.000 Wow.

00:04:39.000 Yeah, he got it and barely knew he had it, and his dad got it real bad.

00:04:43.000 And his dad was in the hospital, and it was just horrific.

00:04:45.000 And they were just so worried that the kid was going to kill his dad.

00:04:48.000 And he didn't.

00:04:50.000 Not that he was going to kill his dad.

00:04:51.000 COVID did.

00:04:52.000 But I mean, if you're living with your parents, and you're just out there getting buck wild, and you're 21 years old, When so many people were moving back in with their parents during this time because they're not making money.

00:05:02.000 I was thinking about it.

00:05:03.000 I stayed with my mom the first two months and I was like, should I just live with her?

00:05:07.000 But I can't do that.

00:05:10.000 You want to still love her.

00:05:11.000 I want to love her, yeah.

00:05:12.000 I don't want to wake up with my hand around her neck and I'll be like, how did I get here?

00:05:17.000 Like a blackout rage.

00:05:19.000 Especially if you take Ambien.

00:05:20.000 I don't take Ambien.

00:05:22.000 Good for you.

00:05:23.000 I watch reality shows.

00:05:24.000 People do a lot of that on Ambien.

00:05:26.000 One guy, I think this was an Ambien thing.

00:05:30.000 It might have been a sleepwalking thing.

00:05:31.000 I'm pretty sure it was an Ambien thing.

00:05:33.000 I think he drove to someone's house and murdered them and then came home and didn't know he did it.

00:05:41.000 God, I'm trying to remember the specifics of the story, because Kevin James, my friend Kevin, you know, from King, Queens.

00:05:47.000 Of course I know Kevin.

00:05:48.000 Hilarious comedian.

00:05:49.000 He used to take the Ambien, and he had some experiences.

00:05:53.000 One of them where he cooked dinner and didn't realize it, and he literally thought someone broke into his house and cooked.

00:05:59.000 He's like, dude, I hire a private chef.

00:06:01.000 You just forget.

00:06:02.000 Like, big chunks.

00:06:04.000 Okay, here it is.

00:06:06.000 What is it?

00:06:07.000 What was he saying here?

00:06:08.000 A forensic psychologist and two psychiatrists were involved in the two cases discussed.

00:06:12.000 So what are the cases?

00:06:13.000 In least three cases, a person with no apparent motive and no history of violence brutally murdered a spouse or close friend in the wee hours after taking more than the recommended dose of Zolpidem?

00:06:27.000 Is that the same as Ambien?

00:06:29.000 I typed in Ambien murders and this is what I got led to.

00:06:32.000 Zolpidem, along with other psychotropic medications.

00:06:36.000 Yeah, that's the thing with a lot of that stuff, is if you combine them together, like maybe you could combine it together and you'd have no problem, but maybe if Jamie combined it together, he'd have a wildly different reaction and start merking people.

00:06:48.000 Jamie, let's test it out tonight.

00:06:51.000 Go to 6th Street, walk around town, pop a couple AMs.

00:06:55.000 So tell me about this fella.

00:06:56.000 Oh my gosh.

00:06:58.000 You met him on Tinder?

00:06:59.000 I met him on Tinder.

00:07:00.000 Well, it's funny because last time I was on your podcast, I was talking about how I like a lanky, skinny boy who needs me to snuggle for body heat.

00:07:07.000 You know, that's my kind, like a breakable boy.

00:07:11.000 And I found him.

00:07:12.000 He's a breakable boy?

00:07:13.000 6'3", small guy.

00:07:15.000 How much does he weigh? 0.99

00:07:15.000 Has a lot of shitty tattoos. 0.99

00:07:17.000 We have that in common. 1.00

00:07:18.000 Nice.

00:07:19.000 I don't know how much he weighs.

00:07:21.000 I was going to say 130, but that would be way off.

00:07:23.000 He's like 170. Oh, so he's a fairly sturdy fella.

00:07:28.000 He's sturdy enough.

00:07:28.000 You're probably not going to break him.

00:07:29.000 Yeah, I'm working on it.

00:07:31.000 How long have you guys been together?

00:07:33.000 Five months, which is like five years in alley time.

00:07:37.000 In alley time, that's a lifetime.

00:07:39.000 Yeah.

00:07:39.000 When are you popping the ring?

00:07:41.000 I don't want to get married.

00:07:43.000 Ever?

00:07:43.000 Ever.

00:07:44.000 I don't know.

00:07:45.000 Maybe at some point.

00:07:46.000 I'm a slow and steady type of gal.

00:07:48.000 I want to focus on myself.

00:07:50.000 I don't want to get distracted by weddings and dresses. 0.99

00:07:57.000 You know what's fucked up? 0.99

00:07:59.000 What's fucked up? 0.97

00:08:00.000 Okay, so here's the thing I didn't know. 0.98

00:08:02.000 So my mom allocated, like, a certain amount of money for me and my two sisters for when we get married, like, you know, X amount of dollars for a wedding dress, you know?

00:08:14.000 And last year, I think, like, 2020, when I did my 2019 taxes or 2020 taxes or something, I didn't realize with comedy you're supposed to be...

00:08:22.000 I've always been, like, a W-2 employee.

00:08:24.000 I've worked at food restaurants, like, whatever.

00:08:28.000 Oh, yeah, and paying your taxes.

00:08:29.000 No, I have been.

00:08:30.000 I'm very diligent.

00:08:31.000 I'm diligent.

00:08:32.000 But I didn't realize that like with comedy, it's all like 1099s.

00:08:36.000 You're like a private contractor of whatever club you're at.

00:08:38.000 And so I wasn't saving a portion of my comedy checks.

00:08:42.000 Yeah, you weren't paying your taxes.

00:08:43.000 That's what I'm saying.

00:08:45.000 Well, this was the first year that I had 1099s.

00:08:47.000 And so I didn't realize that I was supposed to be putting money away for taxes.

00:08:51.000 So my mom's like, do you want to get married or do you want to pay your taxes?

00:08:55.000 And so I was like, help me pay my taxes.

00:08:57.000 And I learned my lesson the hard way.

00:08:59.000 I was freaking out.

00:09:00.000 There was a bunch of guys in Boston that were big-time headliners that got paid in cash.

00:09:07.000 What a dream.

00:09:07.000 Yeah, and they liked to do coke.

00:09:09.000 Sure.

00:09:10.000 And they were partying.

00:09:11.000 Sure.

00:09:11.000 And they didn't pay their taxes for like a decade, and they all got hit.

00:09:15.000 And once the IRS hit one of them, then they realized all these other guys are doing the same thing.

00:09:20.000 And so Boston had like these...

00:09:23.000 Really big local headliners.

00:09:25.000 It's a very rare place where they would have headliners that were local guys that could sell out every weekend in a row.

00:09:33.000 Yeah.

00:09:34.000 It was crazy and people come to see the same act over and over and over again.

00:09:36.000 It was a very unusual place.

00:09:38.000 Yeah.

00:09:38.000 But these guys were going hard for more than a decade, two decades even.

00:09:43.000 And a lot of them got popped and they owed hundreds of thousands of dollars.

00:09:49.000 Hundreds of thousands in back taxes.

00:09:52.000 And then you just saddle down by this debt, thinking about all those times you just blew it on golf clubs and cars.

00:09:57.000 Oh yeah, you rethink everything you've ever done.

00:10:00.000 You're like, why did I get coffee ever?

00:10:03.000 I can run on water.

00:10:04.000 I don't need to go to Starbucks.

00:10:06.000 How much did you wind up on?

00:10:08.000 I think I owed maybe around $8,000, which might seem like pennies.

00:10:14.000 It's a lot.

00:10:15.000 That's real money.

00:10:16.000 When you're collecting unemployment for COVID and you're like, can I use unemployment to pay my tax?

00:10:22.000 It was scary and I did not want to owe interest on it.

00:10:26.000 So luckily my mom helped a lot and I'm so grateful for that because it also taught me...

00:10:32.000 Now I save a third. 0.99

00:10:33.000 Every time I make money, I'm like, put that shit away. 1.00

00:10:35.000 I can't believe you didn't know. 1.00

00:10:37.000 That's kind of crazy.

00:10:38.000 I know.

00:10:38.000 You're not that young.

00:10:40.000 No one tells you when you get into...

00:10:41.000 I just didn't know anything.

00:10:43.000 I personally was so naive when I got into stand-up.

00:10:47.000 I never thought about all of the outside things that are involved in stand-up.

00:10:52.000 So I feel like I'm still learning.

00:10:53.000 What are the other outside things?

00:10:55.000 I feel like now with...

00:10:57.000 I don't know, just like booking my own flights to get to shows or like promoting my own shows and ticket sales and I don't know, just all these like weird things that come up along the way.

00:11:09.000 Like when I came to Texas, I'm like, am I supposed to rent a car?

00:11:12.000 Do I fly to each place?

00:11:14.000 Like where do I? I don't know.

00:11:15.000 You didn't know about all that?

00:11:16.000 Because you were going with other people before.

00:11:18.000 Before, yeah, I'd go with Santino on the road, Tony, and so I just had to show up, be on time, bring a suitcase, have some underwear to change into.

00:11:27.000 You know, that's pretty much all I had to do.

00:11:29.000 And now I'm the dude trying to figure out all the plans.

00:11:33.000 Right, and now you're headlining.

00:11:35.000 Yeah. 0.94

00:11:35.000 And so you also have to deal with shitty middle acts. 0.94

00:11:39.000 Yeah. 0.63

00:11:40.000 Ooh.

00:11:41.000 Yeah.

00:11:41.000 Have you done Florida yet?

00:11:42.000 I love Florida.

00:11:44.000 I have not done, like, an official headlining spot there.

00:11:48.000 I love Florida, too.

00:11:48.000 They have the worst acts ever to open for you.

00:11:51.000 It's almost like they do it on purpose.

00:11:52.000 100%.

00:11:53.000 My buddy Shaw lives out there.

00:11:54.000 Worst dude I've ever seen.

00:11:55.000 I love him.

00:11:57.000 Don't say that all long enough.

00:11:58.000 He's not.

00:11:59.000 I'm giving him a hard time.

00:12:00.000 He's great.

00:12:01.000 I love him.

00:12:02.000 Is there something about Florida road acts, though, where you're just like, Jesus.

00:12:06.000 Like, you can't listen.

00:12:07.000 You have to hide. 0.98

00:12:09.000 That's the thing about being in a major city like LA or New York is you can be shitty in LA or New York. 0.73

00:12:17.000 There's plenty of people who suck at comedy in big places, but you're surrounded by people who are also very good.

00:12:24.000 So you either grow out of that and keep working and growing over time or you don't get to see that as often and you kind of stay stuck.

00:12:34.000 Yeah, well, I think Miami has a community now.

00:12:37.000 I was there a few years back and they were telling me that there's like a pretty decent community in Miami.

00:12:42.000 I know Schultz is in Miami now and he's been doing a lot of gigs.

00:12:46.000 I think it's just cities need a scene, you know, if they don't have a scene.

00:12:50.000 Austin has a very nice scene.

00:12:52.000 Yeah.

00:12:52.000 You know, like even though Cap City went under, there's still plenty.

00:12:56.000 There's like a couple of new local clubs.

00:12:59.000 There's this Sunset Strip Club.

00:13:00.000 There's the Romo Room.

00:13:02.000 There's Vulcan Gas Company.

00:13:05.000 The Paramount is still doing shows.

00:13:07.000 I just saw Mark Norman last night.

00:13:09.000 He was there this weekend, yeah.

00:13:09.000 Yeah, I went to his show.

00:13:10.000 It was so funny.

00:13:11.000 Oh, he was there last night too?

00:13:12.000 Yeah, I think they added a show, so I went. 1.00

00:13:15.000 Shit. 0.99

00:13:15.000 Oh, it was so fun. 0.99

00:13:17.000 Eddie Pepitone was just here.

00:13:18.000 He was at the Creek in the Cave.

00:13:19.000 Yeah, that's the new one, right?

00:13:21.000 Yeah.

00:13:22.000 How many is that seat?

00:13:22.000 Seat's like 90 or something?

00:13:24.000 I don't know.

00:13:24.000 It's pretty intimate because right now they just have the outdoor space.

00:13:27.000 I think they're working on the indoor space.

00:13:29.000 Oh, they have an outdoor space.

00:13:30.000 Oh, so it was an outdoor show.

00:13:31.000 It was an outdoor show.

00:13:32.000 The scene here's good.

00:13:33.000 Like when we've done Kill Tony here, the local opening acts are very funny.

00:13:38.000 Yeah.

00:13:38.000 There's like a good amount of Rick real good talent in the city.

00:13:42.000 Yeah.

00:13:42.000 So it's cool.

00:13:43.000 Yeah, I'm going to go tonight to Kill Tony.

00:13:45.000 Nice. 0.70

00:13:46.000 I'm excited. 0.96

00:13:47.000 And the music scene here is fucking incredible. 0.86

00:13:49.000 There's so many good bands here. 0.89

00:13:51.000 So many good musicians and artists.

00:13:54.000 It's a good scene.

00:13:55.000 It's a good scene.

00:13:57.000 Do you think you're in a honeymoon phase right now?

00:13:59.000 No, I've been coming here since the 90s.

00:14:01.000 I've always loved Austin.

00:14:03.000 I'm happy.

00:14:04.000 COVID gave me a nice excuse.

00:14:06.000 It's just the lower population density is nice.

00:14:09.000 Because it's so big.

00:14:10.000 It's so spread out.

00:14:12.000 Well, it's just the numbers of people here are so minor in comparison to L.A. You know, it's not even close.

00:14:19.000 And it is spread out, but it's just people are more chilled here.

00:14:23.000 And there's no, there's the Hollywood influence.

00:14:28.000 There's an artistic influence here as opposed to like, I want to be famous influence.

00:14:32.000 Yeah, but at the same time, I feel like maybe with all the big comedians like yourself coming out here, it is kind of bringing...

00:14:42.000 We're going to ruin it.

00:14:43.000 Say it.

00:14:44.000 Just say it.

00:14:44.000 We're going to ruin it.

00:14:45.000 You're not going to ruin it, but there will be a time when people will think that this is a shortcut.

00:14:50.000 Oh.

00:14:51.000 A shortcut.

00:14:53.000 There's no shortcuts in comedy.

00:14:54.000 Exactly.

00:14:54.000 But you can't think that way.

00:14:56.000 Well, first of all, you know, comedy is one of the true meritocracies.

00:15:01.000 Because if you don't do well, if the people don't laugh, it stops.

00:15:07.000 There's a few people that are exceptions to that rule.

00:15:09.000 That have figured out a way to carve their way deep into the pores like some sort of a strange parasite. 0.99

00:15:14.000 Yeah.

00:15:14.000 But for the most part.

00:15:17.000 For the most part.

00:15:18.000 Yeah.

00:15:18.000 Everyone's coming out here.

00:15:20.000 Not everyone.

00:15:21.000 Some people.

00:15:22.000 Some people went to Nashville.

00:15:24.000 Yeah, I've never been.

00:15:25.000 They went to Nashville.

00:15:27.000 Nashville's great.

00:15:28.000 And, you know, they got that Zanies Club, which is one of the best clubs in the country.

00:15:31.000 It's a great place to work out of.

00:15:33.000 Yeah, there's so many places I haven't been.

00:15:35.000 You've never been to Nashville?

00:15:36.000 Never been to Nashville. 1.00

00:15:37.000 Bitch, I gotta take you to Nashville. 1.00

00:15:39.000 Take me to Nashville. 1.00

00:15:39.000 Why don't you do a show out there? 1.00

00:15:41.000 Well, I had a show booked with Chappelle.

00:15:44.000 Oh, how have those been?

00:15:46.000 Fun.

00:15:47.000 Real fun.

00:15:47.000 I have so much FOMO. Yeah, sorry about that.

00:15:50.000 Watching everyone's stories out here.

00:15:51.000 I'm just in bed eating hot Cheetos and... 0.99

00:15:54.000 Hot Cheetos are fucking surprisingly good. 0.97

00:15:56.000 Oh, have you tried Takis? 0.99

00:15:58.000 No.

00:15:58.000 Oh, it's like, I was like a loyal Hot Cheetos gal.

00:16:01.000 Hot Cheetos are the best, and then I tried Takis. 1.00

00:16:04.000 What is a Taki?

00:16:05.000 How do you spell it?

00:16:06.000 T-A-K-I apostrophe S. Oh.

00:16:09.000 And they have all these, there's like a blue one, that's psycho, I haven't tried that, but it's almost like a Frito, like a corn chip, but it's rolled up.

00:16:19.000 It's a little roll, and then they have hot dust all over it.

00:16:22.000 Hot dust. 0.91

00:16:23.000 I don't know what the ingredient is for that, but it gets my butthole going every time. 0.73

00:16:27.000 I love it. 0.75

00:16:28.000 You need to wake up, you're just like throwing some Takis. 1.00

00:16:31.000 Get set. 0.98

00:16:32.000 Yeah, they have ridiculous Tex-Mex out here. 0.88

00:16:35.000 There's a lot of that. 0.75

00:16:36.000 Yeah.

00:16:37.000 It's a weird combination of, you know, Mexican food and whatever they're doing to it.

00:16:42.000 They call it Tex-Mex.

00:16:43.000 Yeah, Texican Mexican.

00:16:45.000 A lot of queso.

00:16:46.000 Like, queso, for whatever reason, I don't understand this, never caught on outside of Texas.

00:16:52.000 Do you think it's because it's just not good enough?

00:16:55.000 It's like one of those things where... 0.97

00:16:56.000 No, it's fucking amazing. 0.98

00:16:58.000 It's really good, I know. 0.99

00:16:58.000 Queso's amazing. 0.99

00:16:59.000 It's delicious.

00:17:00.000 Queso with chips, it's so good.

00:17:01.000 Yeah, I don't know why more people don't do it.

00:17:03.000 I don't know.

00:17:05.000 It's like a...

00:17:06.000 But I don't think it's a real cheese.

00:17:07.000 Is there a difference between queso and nachos?

00:17:10.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:17:10.000 Yeah, you fucking communist. 1.00

00:17:12.000 I'm asking. 1.00

00:17:12.000 What is it? 1.00

00:17:13.000 What is it?

00:17:13.000 Queso is a dip.

00:17:15.000 Nachos is the stuff on the outside.

00:17:17.000 It's mostly cheese and sour cream and jalapenos and meat.

00:17:22.000 It's a totally different thing.

00:17:23.000 Queso is like a bowl of like...

00:17:26.000 It's like a liquid cheese.

00:17:28.000 I don't think it's real cheese.

00:17:29.000 I think it's like a Velveeta type deal.

00:17:31.000 For sure.

00:17:32.000 It's probably super bad for you.

00:17:33.000 It's just the cheese.

00:17:35.000 Yes, it's just the cheese, but sometimes it has meat in it.

00:17:39.000 Sometimes it has...

00:17:40.000 Like peppers?

00:17:41.000 Yeah, minced peppers.

00:17:42.000 Soto nachos, though.

00:17:43.000 No, but it's a bowl.

00:17:45.000 It's a bowl you dip into.

00:17:47.000 With queso and chips, you get a bowl of chips.

00:17:50.000 I've had it.

00:17:50.000 I'm like, how is this not...

00:17:53.000 This is just chips and cheese, though.

00:17:55.000 I've had this everywhere.

00:17:56.000 So white.

00:17:57.000 I'm Ohio.

00:18:00.000 What do you think, Joe?

00:18:03.000 Let's find out what are the ingredients of queso.

00:18:06.000 Because I don't think it's cheese.

00:18:07.000 I think it's like a Velveeta deal.

00:18:08.000 Sometimes you all have bad queso and you're like, did you just heat up half and half?

00:18:12.000 What is this?

00:18:13.000 There's a place out here that I need to go to that everybody talks about.

00:18:15.000 It's called Matt's El Rancho. 1.00

00:18:16.000 It's supposed to be the shit. 0.99

00:18:17.000 Have you been? 1.00

00:18:18.000 And I've had their chili con queso.

00:18:21.000 Is it the shape?

00:18:22.000 Very good, but I was like, this is just cheese and beef?

00:18:25.000 Yeah.

00:18:26.000 That's chili con queso.

00:18:28.000 It's like beef and the cheese.

00:18:29.000 Queso is cheese in Mexican.

00:18:33.000 Ingredients of queso brings up chili con queso.

00:18:35.000 That's why I said it.

00:18:36.000 Mexican cheesed it.

00:18:37.000 Yeah, they do use some...

00:18:39.000 Chili pepper, tomatoes.

00:18:40.000 Velveeta.

00:18:40.000 Yeah, Velveeta, I think, is the main deal.

00:18:42.000 And cream cheese.

00:18:43.000 Oh, I love cream cheese. 0.94

00:18:45.000 Cream cheese is pretty goddamn good. 0.96

00:18:46.000 I wish bagels were good for you. 0.97

00:18:47.000 I know.

00:18:49.000 I wish they were.

00:18:50.000 It's like I got hit with a tranquilizer dart.

00:18:53.000 Oh, you're out after that.

00:18:55.000 Every Christmas, my dad does like a Jewish platter spread. 0.95

00:18:59.000 So I'll make bagels, whitefish, cod, lox, and we just get this whole spread.

00:19:04.000 And then I'm just like sitting on the couch in my Christmas PJs that are all matching with my siblings, just gassing it up.

00:19:12.000 And then you're like opening presents and you're like, what is it?

00:19:14.000 A gift card to Applebee's?

00:19:15.000 Great.

00:19:16.000 Just what I wanted right now.

00:19:17.000 That's what you usually got?

00:19:18.000 No.

00:19:19.000 I got some good stuff.

00:19:20.000 Did you?

00:19:21.000 Yeah, because I used to be such a brat.

00:19:23.000 It's like embarrassing.

00:19:24.000 You used to be a brat? 1.00

00:19:25.000 I'm still kind of a brat.

00:19:26.000 I'm growing out of it.

00:19:28.000 Really?

00:19:28.000 Yeah.

00:19:29.000 How come I don't see that side of you ever?

00:19:30.000 Because that's just my family.

00:19:31.000 I feel like when you're with your family, it's like the child in you comes out.

00:19:35.000 Yeah, you revert.

00:19:36.000 Do you ever feel like that?

00:19:37.000 Well, where'd you grow up?

00:19:38.000 I grew up in Long Beach. 0.99

00:19:39.000 When you go back to Long Beach, do you feel like whatever weird shit you still have? 0.99

00:19:42.000 Oh, it's weird. 0.98

00:19:43.000 I still drive by my first boyfriend's house.

00:19:46.000 Oh, do you?

00:19:46.000 Do you honk your horn?

00:19:47.000 Fuck you! 1.00

00:19:48.000 Well, it's embarrassing because he lives in a cul-de-sac, so if he were to ever see me, he'd know that I was only there to stop by his place. 1.00

00:19:54.000 I thought you were going to say he lives in a cult.

00:19:58.000 I don't know what he's up to now.

00:19:59.000 He might be.

00:20:00.000 What is this?

00:20:01.000 Yeah, that's weird.

00:20:02.000 Yeah.

00:20:02.000 Does he know what kind of car you drive?

00:20:04.000 Not anymore.

00:20:04.000 When I first got a car, I had a Jeep Grand Cherokee, and now I've upgraded to a Kia Sportage 2018. Yeah, I don't want to flex too much on this podcast.

00:20:17.000 When I used to go back to high school, like to where I went to high school with, I felt like a fucking tremendous loser, like always. 0.82

00:20:23.000 Just being around it brought back the exact feelings that I felt like when I was in high school. 0.94

00:20:29.000 I sat in the bathroom at lunch in high school and it wasn't like it was this weird thing where I just felt different than everyone.

00:20:37.000 Like I wasn't bullied really.

00:20:39.000 I mean I'm sure I had like the moments of like everyone hates me they said this but I wasn't like bullied in any way but I just was like I was friends with everyone but I didn't feel like I had a place.

00:20:49.000 You know, I think a lot of people feel that way.

00:20:51.000 Yeah.

00:20:52.000 I think more people feel that way than feel like they have a place.

00:20:55.000 It's just this transitionary period when you're a teenager where everything feels off.

00:21:00.000 Well and it's like in high school everyone kind of has their groups like there's you know the jocks and the pretty girls and the athletes whatever and I just never felt like I really fit into a group and so I would just sit alone in the bathroom and I don't know it's so weird looking back and then how miserable I was in high school I was like so depressed.

00:21:23.000 Yeah, my friends from high school all went to the other school on the other side of town.

00:21:27.000 They went to Newton North.

00:21:28.000 I went to Newton South.

00:21:30.000 But my friends that I'm still friends with to this day didn't even go to high school with me.

00:21:34.000 They were on the other side of town.

00:21:36.000 How'd you guys meet?

00:21:38.000 Parties?

00:21:38.000 Yeah, just being around the same town, you know?

00:21:42.000 Newton's small.

00:21:44.000 It's a small suburb of L.A. Named after Wayne?

00:21:48.000 Yes.

00:21:49.000 Okay.

00:21:49.000 Named after, yeah.

00:21:50.000 I love that dude.

00:21:52.000 Do you?

00:21:52.000 I love like Vegas acts.

00:21:54.000 I remember the first time I heard that I'm like who is this girl that sings this song?

00:22:00.000 My sister did the same thing.

00:22:01.000 She said guess guess who sings this and I was like obviously a young lady with a beautiful voice that came from angels and she was like it's a dude who now looks like a lady.

00:22:13.000 Well, he has similar characteristics to older ladies in that he's working his face up. 0.99

00:22:19.000 I think I read something, though, that he has.

00:22:22.000 Jamie, you know what I'm about to say.

00:22:24.000 Pull it up, baby.

00:22:26.000 There's something I think that he has.

00:22:28.000 Like a disease?

00:22:29.000 Something.

00:22:30.000 I don't want to say, I don't want to badmouth my hero.

00:22:32.000 He's quite elderly.

00:22:35.000 Yeah, but I think he had...

00:22:36.000 I don't know.

00:22:37.000 Maybe I read it on some fake...

00:22:38.000 Do you know Robert Redford is almost 90?

00:22:40.000 He's alive?

00:22:41.000 Yes.

00:22:42.000 Wow.

00:22:42.000 Good for him.

00:22:43.000 Good for him.

00:22:44.000 Yeah, he's almost 90. I saw something on...

00:22:47.000 Something.

00:22:49.000 And they were like, Robert Redford.

00:22:50.000 He used to be a babe from what I've heard.

00:22:52.000 Oh, yeah.

00:22:53.000 He was a handsome fellow.

00:22:53.000 All the ladies used to pull their skirts up from their ankles when they saw him.

00:22:57.000 Back in the day?

00:22:57.000 Back in the day.

00:22:58.000 They're like, I'll show you my ankles.

00:23:00.000 Robbie...

00:23:01.000 They pulled their clogs off.

00:23:02.000 This is pretty good.

00:23:03.000 It's not right?

00:23:04.000 Yeah.

00:23:04.000 I'm like a little nervous my first CBD trip.

00:23:08.000 It doesn't do anything to you.

00:23:09.000 But then why do people do it?

00:23:10.000 That's the thing.

00:23:11.000 Well, CBD is good for inflammation and it helps some people with...

00:23:15.000 If you have anxiety, it helps people sleep.

00:23:18.000 But it helps with joint pain and inflammation.

00:23:21.000 Okay.

00:23:21.000 Yeah.

00:23:22.000 This is a mild dose.

00:23:24.000 These Killcliffs have 25 milligrams of CBD, which is not, you know, fairly mild.

00:23:30.000 Yeah.

00:23:31.000 I like a couple hundred at a time.

00:23:34.000 Do you ever shotgun him?

00:23:38.000 I mean a couple hundred milligrams at a time.

00:23:40.000 I get most of my CBD from actual supplements.

00:23:43.000 What is that?

00:23:44.000 Show me that again, Jamie.

00:23:45.000 It's just young Wayne.

00:23:46.000 I can't find anything.

00:23:47.000 Wow.

00:23:47.000 Oh, maybe I made that up.

00:23:49.000 See the picture of him in the middle?

00:23:50.000 Yeah, the middle top one.

00:23:52.000 See, that's not...

00:23:53.000 But I thought I read that there was something...

00:23:57.000 I don't know.

00:23:59.000 Well, clearly he's had a little bit of plastic surgery, but that's the problem is that... 1.00

00:24:04.000 That shit doesn't make you look good. 1.00

00:24:07.000 It just makes you look different. 1.00

00:24:08.000 I'm gonna get jacked up on that.

00:24:10.000 On plastic surgery?

00:24:11.000 Oh, yeah.

00:24:11.000 What do you think you're gonna do?

00:24:12.000 Get a cat face?

00:24:13.000 Well, I got small little baby white girl lips.

00:24:16.000 You wanna get them plumped?

00:24:17.000 When I smile, my lip just plays hide-and-seek with me.

00:24:20.000 It's like, where'd she go?

00:24:21.000 You ever used the filter on Snapchat?

00:24:22.000 Oh, it's dangerous.

00:24:24.000 Makes them giant.

00:24:25.000 The duck face filter?

00:24:26.000 Yeah.

00:24:26.000 There's a filter that makes your lips fat and shiny.

00:24:29.000 And then it makes your cheeks all juicy.

00:24:30.000 Oh, does it?

00:24:31.000 Oh, yeah.

00:24:32.000 Pumps the cheeks up.

00:24:34.000 Do you wish you had better lips?

00:24:36.000 Maybe you wouldn't be as funny if you were hotter. 0.99

00:24:38.000 I know.

00:24:39.000 I know.

00:24:40.000 It's a hard balance. 0.99

00:24:42.000 You don't want to be some garbage troll. 0.99

00:24:47.000 But you don't want to be too sexy. 0.99

00:24:50.000 I had a guy tell me after a show...

00:24:52.000 He said, I don't get why you dress down on stage.

00:24:55.000 And I'm like, what do you want me to do?

00:24:56.000 Wear a bikini on stage?

00:24:58.000 Do you want to throw money at me?

00:25:00.000 I'll take getting thrown money at, but...

00:25:02.000 I think men just try to find a way to criticize a girl, to put her on her heels, so that, like, you get a little defensive, and so you're not, you know, you feel uncomfortable.

00:25:12.000 So he probably feels uncomfortable, so he wants you to feel uncomfortable.

00:25:15.000 So he says something like that, like, why don't you dress nicer?

00:25:19.000 And you're like, oh, why don't I dress nicer? 0.97

00:25:21.000 I don't give a fuck about what people say about how I dress. 0.99

00:25:24.000 Oh, look at you. 0.99

00:25:25.000 I mean, I probably do.

00:25:26.000 I'm, like, crying at night.

00:25:27.000 Why do you say I look like that?

00:25:28.000 But you know what it is?

00:25:29.000 It's like inside, that's probably the little psychological game he's playing.

00:25:34.000 He probably doesn't feel comfortable with the fact that he's insecure around you.

00:25:38.000 So, uh, plus he sees you vaping.

00:25:40.000 You look kind of cool.

00:25:41.000 Blow it out.

00:25:42.000 Show everybody.

00:25:43.000 Yeah.

00:25:43.000 What's up, Post Malone?

00:25:45.000 I don't give a fuck about lung damage. 0.99

00:25:47.000 Yeah, it's so interesting because I get objectified looking like whatever he thinks I look like a troll on stage. 0.97

00:25:57.000 So if I'm trying to do it up and show off my body and look really sexy on stage, that doesn't feel comfortable to me.

00:26:05.000 I like wearing baggy pants.

00:26:07.000 I like wearing baggy shirts.

00:26:08.000 I just feel good.

00:26:10.000 When I just look like that.

00:26:12.000 And so if I'm already getting objectified...

00:26:14.000 How are you getting objectified?

00:26:16.000 Just like DMs and comments and stuff.

00:26:18.000 Is that objectified or is it just being hit on?

00:26:21.000 Because if it's a guy, are you being objectified?

00:26:23.000 If girls send you DMs, are you being objectified? 1.00

00:26:25.000 I don't know about the ins and outs.

00:26:26.000 That's just the word.

00:26:28.000 That objectified is a weird thing because it's like this pejorative that always gets used and I'm not always sure if it's the accurate thing to say because for sure men do objectify women sometimes.

00:26:39.000 Like some men look at a woman like, I just want to dig it in a hole. 1.00

00:26:42.000 Well, that's what my messages are for sure. 0.96

00:26:44.000 I want to stick it in your hole. 0.99

00:26:45.000 Oh, yeah. 0.99

00:26:46.000 So, yeah.

00:26:46.000 Oh, yeah.

00:26:47.000 I would love to show you my messages.

00:26:49.000 I'm sure some guys do that to, like, any girl they run into.

00:26:52.000 Yeah.

00:26:53.000 Right? 0.98

00:26:53.000 Don't you think, though, that's, like, really dumb magic tricks? 0.98

00:26:56.000 Like, like, ooh, let me see if I can trick you. 0.89

00:26:58.000 You know, like, you're going to have, like, really sophisticated con artists like Bernie Madoff, and then you're going to have really bad magicians, right, that are doing obvious tricks.

00:27:08.000 And it's like good comedy versus bad comedy. 0.98

00:27:11.000 It's like a terrible movie versus a fucking amazing movie. 0.99

00:27:14.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:27:14.000 It's like everything else. 0.99

00:27:15.000 There's levels to it.

00:27:16.000 And what you're getting in those DMs is just the hit version, like hit on you version of like a really shitty song or a really shitty story that someone wrote.

00:27:27.000 That's what you're getting.

00:27:28.000 Yeah.

00:27:28.000 I feel comfortable the way I look on stage.

00:27:31.000 Okay, we'll go back to your shoe.

00:27:34.000 Whatever you want to wear.

00:27:35.000 That's fine.

00:27:36.000 Don't worry.

00:27:38.000 Don't think about it.

00:27:39.000 Just be you.

00:27:40.000 Okay. 1.00

00:27:41.000 Fuck that dude. 1.00

00:27:42.000 Fuck that dude. 1.00

00:27:42.000 No, he's a nice guy. 1.00

00:27:44.000 He was drunk.

00:27:44.000 Maybe he's not.

00:27:45.000 He's a nice guy. 0.98

00:27:46.000 He just wants to stick it in your hole. 0.98

00:27:47.000 He does. 0.99

00:27:48.000 He told me.

00:27:49.000 That was revealed later on in the conversation.

00:27:53.000 It's got to be weird being a girl.

00:27:54.000 It is weird.

00:27:55.000 It's fun though, you know?

00:27:57.000 When girls go lesbian, I go, I get it. 1.00

00:27:59.000 I get it.

00:28:00.000 I've tried.

00:28:01.000 I go through seasons of lesbianism. 0.99

00:28:03.000 Every once in a while, I'm like, maybe...

00:28:06.000 Seasons.

00:28:07.000 I go through seasons, yeah.

00:28:08.000 Like baseball season?

00:28:09.000 I'm like, oh, it's fall.

00:28:10.000 It's fall.

00:28:11.000 I need a woman around. 1.00

00:28:12.000 Yeah?

00:28:12.000 Yeah, but I don't know.

00:28:14.000 There's like a disconnect.

00:28:15.000 I get really weird in intimate situations.

00:28:18.000 So I'm like, am I gay or do I just like get uncomfortable around everyone?

00:28:22.000 Hmm.

00:28:23.000 Also, when I was growing up, everyone would call me a lesbian. 0.98

00:28:26.000 And so, growing up, I was like, I'm a lesbian.

00:28:29.000 Everyone already knows this.

00:28:30.000 They've told me I'm a lesbian.

00:28:32.000 My sisters.

00:28:34.000 They're like seven and five years older than me.

00:28:36.000 How did they say it?

00:28:37.000 Well, okay.

00:28:38.000 So I had really hairy legs growing up because my dad's like Russian and, you know, all that. 1.00

00:28:44.000 So I just have like thick, dark leg hair that came in early.

00:28:48.000 And so my sisters are like, oh, you know, back then everyone calls everything like gay and stuff.

00:28:54.000 And they were like growing up.

00:28:55.000 Back then? 1.00

00:28:56.000 You're fucking 12 years old. 0.99

00:28:57.000 You're talking about a couple weeks ago. 1.00

00:28:59.000 I was in like third grade.

00:29:00.000 So I was like six or seven.

00:29:02.000 Okay.

00:29:03.000 You just didn't shave your legs?

00:29:04.000 No, because I was in the third...

00:29:05.000 When did kids shave their legs?

00:29:07.000 I started in third grade because my sisters called me a lesbian and stuff. 0.81

00:29:11.000 So you had to shave your legs?

00:29:12.000 Yeah, because they were making it sound like it was a bad thing. 0.99

00:29:15.000 To be a lesbian? 1.00

00:29:16.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:29:17.000 My sisters are going to fucking hate this. 1.00

00:29:20.000 They're good people, but they were like, you know... 0.98

00:29:23.000 Back then they weren't.

00:29:24.000 They've grown, yeah.

00:29:25.000 So they would just give you a hard time.

00:29:27.000 Yeah, they were just being big sisters, giving me a hard time, and so then I took it very personally and seriously.

00:29:32.000 The leg hair thing is very strange. 0.98

00:29:34.000 If you just stop and think about it, guys don't have to do jack shit about their leg hair. 0.97

00:29:38.000 No. 0.98

00:29:38.000 And no one cares. 0.98

00:29:39.000 No one gives a fuck. 0.99

00:29:40.000 But girls... 1.00

00:29:40.000 And no one talks about... 1.00

00:29:42.000 Guys...

00:29:43.000 Look at this. 1.00

00:29:44.000 This is how you know I'm about to say some real shit. 0.99

00:29:47.000 Guys always talk crap about girls not being kept up down there and shaved or whatever these guys my age are into. 0.99

00:29:56.000 They want Mr. Clean down in the pants, you know? 0.98

00:30:00.000 They want your bush trimmed.

00:30:02.000 Yeah.

00:30:02.000 They want it bald.

00:30:04.000 They want a bald eagle. 1.00

00:30:06.000 But then they have the nastiest balls and girls are like, oh, it'd be an honor to give you a blowjob. 1.00

00:30:12.000 That shit's disgusting. 1.00

00:30:13.000 It's different hair than your regular hair. 1.00

00:30:15.000 It's thick.

00:30:16.000 I didn't even know that balls change texture in different weather.

00:30:19.000 What?

00:30:21.000 Yeah, like the skin.

00:30:23.000 Changes texture?

00:30:24.000 Kind of.

00:30:25.000 It looks like an alien.

00:30:28.000 Jamie knows what I'm talking about. 0.99

00:30:29.000 Jamie, do your balls change texture in different weather? 0.98

00:30:32.000 Jamie, Jamie, stay on my side. 0.98

00:30:34.000 That guy we saw with Tom Segura had a little different texture.

00:30:37.000 Oh, yeah, that was rough.

00:30:39.000 It's a unique situation. 0.99

00:30:40.000 The guy with the giant balls? 0.97

00:30:41.000 I haven't seen this. 0.92

00:30:42.000 Just some sad thing, but the guys have...

00:30:45.000 Like elephantitis?

00:30:46.000 Yeah, he had...

00:30:47.000 It's a... 0.99

00:30:48.000 Not common, but common enough where there's multiple examples of it where guys have enormous beach ball-sized testicles and they can barely get around. 0.98

00:30:59.000 It's a shame that there's no... 1.00

00:31:01.000 Like when girls have giant tits, it's like, hell yes. 1.00

00:31:06.000 There needs to be a movement for men who have giant balls. 1.00

00:31:10.000 Yeah, like Instagram photos of their balls on the beach. 0.99

00:31:13.000 You don't understand how big these are. 0.98

00:31:15.000 Like massive?

00:31:16.000 Yeah, you can't walk.

00:31:17.000 What does he wear, skirts?

00:31:18.000 Yeah, he has to wear like a skirt.

00:31:19.000 Like a kilt? 0.99

00:31:20.000 Yeah, and they have to cover, he has to cover his balls with like a tarp and like while he was eating his balls were out and on YouTube apparently because it's like not sexy at all, you're allowed to show that guy's balls. 0.99

00:31:31.000 Well, they probably don't even register his balls for YouTube. 0.98

00:31:34.000 Like whoever has to scan the videos is like who's to say what this is. 0.99

00:31:36.000 It's like a medical condition more than his balls. 0.99

00:31:38.000 Whereas like if Jamie had his balls out of his pants. 1.00

00:31:42.000 He does! 0.99

00:31:43.000 Have you looked over there?

00:31:44.000 My friend Tom, when we were kids, used to do this thing called sack walkin'.

00:31:47.000 You'd put him up above the belt?

00:31:49.000 No.

00:31:49.000 He would open his zipper, pull his sack out, and tuck his...

00:31:53.000 His cock would still be in his pants, but his balls would be out. 1.00

00:31:56.000 He'd call it sack walkin'. 1.00

00:31:57.000 He would just walk around and at a party. 0.99

00:31:59.000 He'd have a drink, his balls were out, he'd call it sack walkin'. 0.98

00:32:02.000 You know. 0.99

00:32:03.000 A little tougher with that. 0.99

00:32:04.000 That's that guy's balls. 0.99

00:32:05.000 Oh, wow! 1.00

00:32:06.000 See, weird texture.

00:32:08.000 Well, when you see the actual texture, you can see the actual texture.

00:32:10.000 Because in the YouTube video, they actually show the sack.

00:32:14.000 They'll allow you to see.

00:32:17.000 There's a lot of things going on.

00:32:18.000 There you go.

00:32:19.000 Yeah, see?

00:32:19.000 Look at that.

00:32:20.000 Yum! 1.00

00:32:21.000 You're allowed to look at it.

00:32:23.000 Yum! 1.00

00:32:23.000 Looks like a peach pit. 1.00

00:32:24.000 And this poor bastard actually has a one-inch dick, too. 1.00

00:32:27.000 Which is just... 1.00

00:32:28.000 Is it actually one inches or in like...

00:32:30.000 That's what he says. 1.00

00:32:32.000 He says he has a one inch penis. 1.00

00:32:34.000 So, Mother Nature just gave him the shittiest deck of cards ever. 1.00

00:32:39.000 Yeah.

00:32:40.000 Here's your hand.

00:32:41.000 Good luck.

00:32:42.000 Your hand of cards.

00:32:43.000 Oh, yeah.

00:32:44.000 Yeah, you got a one.

00:32:46.000 Do you ever watch my 600 pound life?

00:32:49.000 I've watched a little bit of it.

00:32:50.000 Oh, I love it.

00:32:51.000 Do you?

00:32:51.000 Yeah.

00:32:52.000 Why?

00:32:53.000 Because I relate in some ways.

00:32:55.000 In what way?

00:32:56.000 You're not 600 pounds.

00:32:57.000 Just in the compulsion and the feeling that food gives me.

00:33:00.000 I went to Cracker Barrel for the first time.

00:33:03.000 Congratulations.

00:33:04.000 Have you been?

00:33:05.000 Of course I have.

00:33:08.000 It was so good.

00:33:11.000 And they brought out this plate of biscuits and gravy and I was like blushing.

00:33:16.000 Like I was like smirking and giddy and like so excited.

00:33:19.000 You were blushing?

00:33:21.000 I was blushing.

00:33:21.000 Okay.

00:33:23.000 And I just, yeah, when I have a plate in front of me, there's no part of my brain that goes, you've had enough, you don't need to finish all of this.

00:33:30.000 Of course you got the baggy clothes too, so don't worry about it.

00:33:33.000 Exactly, I can walk out unscathed.

00:33:36.000 Be wheeled out soon.

00:33:39.000 But yeah, I love those shows.

00:33:42.000 Why do you like those shows? 0.99

00:33:44.000 Do you feel like maybe you're okay because they're more fucked up than you? 1.00

00:33:48.000 No, it's like a hand guide of what to do in 15 years. 1.00

00:33:52.000 I'm like, okay, so get a partner who will wash under my boob crevice. 0.96

00:33:57.000 Oh, okay.

00:33:58.000 They always have very loyal partners. 0.99

00:34:00.000 You have to have if you're going to be 600 fucking pounds. 0.99

00:34:03.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:34:04.000 But there's got to be some weird codependency shit there. 0.99

00:34:06.000 Oh, 100%. 0.99

00:34:07.000 There was one story about this, I think it was a lady, who had melted into the couch, like the fibers of her body had intertwined with the couch because she hadn't gotten off the couch in so long. 0.98

00:34:21.000 And I don't know how she shit and pissed, but it probably wasn't nice. 1.00

00:34:25.000 I know, at the beginning of COVID, I was like, I'm more worried about getting bed sores than COVID. I'm just lounging. 0.99

00:34:33.000 Is that what you did?

00:34:34.000 Yeah, when I was at my mom's house, I was hoping that it would be done sooner, so I was like, I'll just pretend I'm at Coachella.

00:34:43.000 I was tanning in the backyard, listening to EDM music, going crazy, and then once I realized that it was going to be longer, I was like, I've got to get out of this lady's house. 0.91

00:34:53.000 Yeah, a lot of people thought it was going to be a two-week deal.

00:34:56.000 Like they said, remember?

00:34:58.000 We're just going to close everything down for two weeks.

00:35:00.000 Meanwhile, California, a year later, Yeah, I mean, if we were, if the U.S. was smaller, like a place like New Zealand, that could have, you know, been helpful, but we're just too big.

00:35:11.000 Well, it's not just that it's smaller.

00:35:12.000 New Zealand's completely isolated.

00:35:14.000 New Zealand has very strict immigration policies.

00:35:17.000 They're pretty, and the way they handle COVID, I mean, is super successful.

00:35:21.000 There's only four plus million people in the whole island. 0.98

00:35:25.000 It's a fucking great place. 0.98

00:35:26.000 I know, I want to go so bad. 1.00

00:35:27.000 That's a good spot to escape.

00:35:28.000 Good spot to run to.

00:35:29.000 When's the last time you've been?

00:35:30.000 Never.

00:35:32.000 Never been to New Zealand.

00:35:37.000 I've done Australia.

00:35:38.000 I love Australia.

00:35:39.000 But Australia is much different.

00:35:42.000 You know, Australia is...

00:35:43.000 New Zealand, there's a lot of New Zealand that's just like rich and green and lush.

00:35:48.000 Have you seen Hunt for the Wilder People?

00:35:51.000 Nope.

00:35:52.000 Oh my, it's one of Taika Waititi's movies.

00:35:56.000 Do you know the dude?

00:35:57.000 He's now doing like the Avengers or Marvel or something.

00:36:00.000 No, I don't know who that is.

00:36:01.000 He's great.

00:36:02.000 I love him, but he has this movie called Hunt for the Wilder People.

00:36:06.000 And when it came out, I was working at Arclight, the movie theater at the time.

00:36:10.000 And so I saw it in theaters like five times, but it all takes place in New Zealand.

00:36:14.000 Oh, I love this movie so much.

00:36:17.000 So this is fiction.

00:36:19.000 It's fiction, yeah.

00:36:21.000 That kid on the right is so funny.

00:36:23.000 How have I not heard of this?

00:36:24.000 It's such a beautiful and funny movie.

00:36:27.000 Have you heard of it, Jamie?

00:36:28.000 No, but I believe he's the one who jumped on your side of the Apple keyboard debate a couple months ago. 0.77

00:36:34.000 Oh, because I said that Apple keyboards suck?

00:36:36.000 Yeah, he did Jojo Rabbit, I think. 0.95

00:36:37.000 Yeah, he did Jojo Rabbit!

00:36:39.000 Who?

00:36:40.000 The writer?

00:36:41.000 The writer did.

00:36:42.000 And he did like what they do in the shadows? 1.00

00:36:45.000 They have the worst fucking keyboards of all time. 0.99

00:36:47.000 The new one's terrible. 1.00

00:36:48.000 Why do you think so?

00:36:48.000 I have the 2015 MacBook, the same one that you have there.

00:36:51.000 It's vastly superior to type on.

00:36:53.000 I'm not getting rid of it.

00:36:55.000 It has a 256 gigabyte hard drive.

00:36:57.000 I can't really use it, but I can type on it really fast.

00:37:00.000 You can get them upgraded.

00:37:02.000 There's a company that upgrades them, and that's what I did.

00:37:04.000 I bought one that's from, I bought it like a year ago, from 2016, and they put a new processor in it, they put a new solid state hard drive in it, and it has the 2015 keyboard.

00:37:14.000 I don't know why these dummies just keep making these things that are shit to type on, and then they appeal to creative people.

00:37:21.000 Everything is about design. 0.99

00:37:23.000 They just want the sleekest, thinnest.

00:37:26.000 But meanwhile, Lenovo has figured it out.

00:37:29.000 They have their ThinkPad X1 Carbon.

00:37:32.000 They have this really light, and they have a new one that's even smaller.

00:37:35.000 It's like the Nano or something like that. 0.99

00:37:37.000 What a great fucking keyboard. 0.99

00:37:39.000 And it weighs nothing. 0.99

00:37:40.000 And it's this tiny, thin little thing, and it's super easy to type on.

00:37:45.000 And each key is curved, so your fingers fit in it much easier.

00:37:50.000 Where Apple wants flat keyboards, it makes you so much less accurate. 0.99

00:37:55.000 It's just a shit experience to type on. 0.96

00:37:58.000 I got a MacBook for Christmas this past year. 0.99

00:38:03.000 I cried.

00:38:04.000 I was so happy.

00:38:06.000 And then I opened the camera to do like, you know, zooms and stuff.

00:38:10.000 And the camera quality on my college MacBook from 2013 is so much better than the new MacBooks.

00:38:19.000 What?

00:38:19.000 That doesn't make sense.

00:38:20.000 Yeah, it looks blurry.

00:38:21.000 It looks like I'm in an ISIS hostage video.

00:38:23.000 Did you ever try to clean it?

00:38:23.000 It has nothing to do with the cleanliness.

00:38:26.000 What?

00:38:26.000 Yeah.

00:38:26.000 Did you take the sticker off?

00:38:28.000 Yeah, everything's off.

00:38:29.000 It's not me, I swear.

00:38:31.000 I think you got a dud because that's one thing they're really good at.

00:38:33.000 The camera quality is excellent.

00:38:34.000 My camera quality is awful.

00:38:36.000 It's a new one?

00:38:36.000 It's a brand new one.

00:38:38.000 It's probably broken.

00:38:40.000 Right?

00:38:40.000 My brand?

00:38:41.000 Yeah, it sounds crazy.

00:38:42.000 What's his name?

00:38:43.000 Tim Cook?

00:38:45.000 Tim Cook?

00:38:46.000 Yeah.

00:38:46.000 Tim Apple.

00:38:47.000 Tim Apple.

00:38:48.000 That's what Trump called him.

00:38:50.000 Tim Apple?

00:38:51.000 Yeah.

00:38:51.000 Oh, that guy.

00:38:53.000 Yeah, I've used mine for Zooms and shit.

00:38:56.000 You doing Zoom comedy shows, Joe? 0.87

00:38:58.000 No, to talk to people.

00:39:00.000 Just to talk to people.

00:39:01.000 You didn't do any of those, did you?

00:39:03.000 Yeah, of course I did, Joe.

00:39:04.000 We're at different levels, man.

00:39:06.000 I gotta stay alive. 0.99

00:39:08.000 Just fucking go out in the street and just start talking to people. 1.00

00:39:11.000 You'd be better off. 1.00

00:39:12.000 Hey, let me tell you about my day. 1.00

00:39:14.000 Hey, you wanna hear about my pussy? 1.00

00:39:16.000 They're like, we're trying to get coffee. 1.00

00:39:17.000 I'm like, I gotta perform.

00:39:20.000 I gotta tell these to someone.

00:39:23.000 But it is weird that guys don't have to shave their legs, right?

00:39:25.000 Where do you think that came from?

00:39:26.000 When did girls start shaving their legs? 1.00

00:39:27.000 What year do you think?

00:39:29.000 When did the deception begin?

00:39:31.000 When did they decide...

00:39:32.000 What do you think is happening?

00:39:33.000 Do you think people are just trying to become more sleek and less alien?

00:39:38.000 I'm pretty sure guys just want dolphins.

00:39:40.000 I mean, less animal, rather.

00:39:40.000 I think guys want dolphins, just soft little mammals.

00:39:46.000 That's not what it is.

00:39:47.000 They want something.

00:39:47.000 I don't know.

00:39:48.000 I think they want, like, a person...

00:39:50.000 They want, like, smooth, soft skin without the hair for whatever reason.

00:39:56.000 But men, it's okay to be hairy because it's okay for a guy to be a beast, right?

00:40:01.000 But it's not okay for...

00:40:02.000 Like, women are supposed... 1.00

00:40:03.000 What is that?

00:40:04.000 Like, why the disparity?

00:40:07.000 Misogyny?

00:40:07.000 I don't think it's that.

00:40:08.000 Because misogyny, that means hate.

00:40:11.000 Does it?

00:40:12.000 Yes.

00:40:12.000 Misogyny means you don't like women.

00:40:14.000 I don't think it's that.

00:40:15.000 You know how gay dudes, before they come out or when they come out, there's internalized homophobia?

00:40:20.000 It's not like they hate gay people, but because they grew up in a society where it's not as...

00:40:47.000 Yeah, but women love it too. 1.00

00:40:50.000 It's very rare that women fight that. 1.00

00:40:53.000 I think, well, I grew out my armpit hair for a little bit during COVID. Was that during the lesbian period? 0.93

00:40:57.000 It was a lesbian, yeah. 1.00

00:40:59.000 You're allowed, right?

00:41:00.000 Yeah.

00:41:00.000 And I enjoyed it, but then I get self-conscious because I'm like, if dudes look at this, they're going to think I'm like dirty or like manly or something.

00:41:09.000 Right, but a guy with armpit hair, no problem at all.

00:41:11.000 No problem.

00:41:12.000 And it gets all, the guys, the deodorant gets all stuck on the armpit hair.

00:41:16.000 Guys should start waxing.

00:41:18.000 Mm.

00:41:21.000 Would you do it?

00:41:22.000 No.

00:41:23.000 It's weird that it's universal.

00:41:24.000 That's what's weird.

00:41:25.000 See, why not?

00:41:25.000 Why not what?

00:41:26.000 Why wouldn't you wax your armpits?

00:41:27.000 Because I don't want to.

00:41:28.000 Okay.

00:41:29.000 Why would I? I've lived 53 fucking years without waxing my armpits. 0.99

00:41:32.000 Why start now? 0.99

00:41:33.000 It hurts. 0.99

00:41:34.000 Who the fuck am I trying to impress? 0.99

00:41:35.000 I'm sure it does. 1.00

00:41:36.000 Do you wax your armpits?

00:41:37.000 Is that what you're saying?

00:41:37.000 I did it for the first time because normally I just shave.

00:41:40.000 Why'd you stop shaving them?

00:41:42.000 Because I have a friend in Arizona who waxes, so I was growing them out. 1.00

00:41:45.000 I was like, might as well.

00:41:47.000 And it hurt way worse than getting a coochie wax.

00:41:52.000 Really?

00:41:52.000 Oh, yeah.

00:41:53.000 So your armpit's more sensitive than your cooter?

00:41:55.000 Yeah.

00:41:56.000 That's not good.

00:41:57.000 Nuh-uh.

00:41:58.000 Hmm.

00:41:59.000 Yeah, I don't know what that was, but it hurt.

00:42:02.000 Quick research says this is marketing from the early 1900s.

00:42:06.000 It didn't even happen really before that.

00:42:08.000 Really?

00:42:08.000 Yeah.

00:42:09.000 That's when they started shaving the leg?

00:42:10.000 They had liquid stock because they were calling it back in the 1920s and 30s and 40s.

00:42:15.000 Liquid stock? 1.00

00:42:17.000 Well, you know, they did a lot of terrible shit to women back then. 1.00

00:42:20.000 That's when, you remember that, um, the radioactive paint? 0.99

00:42:24.000 What is that called again?

00:42:26.000 Where girls would, uh, they were working on like watches and all sorts of things that had, uh, radio something.

00:42:35.000 And it would literally...

00:42:37.000 They didn't know what the effects were of the stuff at the time.

00:42:40.000 And it was literally rotting through people's faces and girls...

00:42:44.000 Radium girls.

00:42:44.000 Radium, that's right.

00:42:45.000 And they had like holes.

00:42:47.000 It's horrific.

00:42:48.000 It is so sad.

00:42:49.000 Because their job was to use this paint and use it for clocks.

00:42:55.000 And like the early watches, like some watches, like the hour, you know, indicators have loom on them.

00:43:03.000 Yeah.

00:43:04.000 So in the daytime...

00:43:05.000 It charges up and then at night time they glow like that.

00:43:08.000 I like those.

00:43:09.000 Those are cool.

00:43:10.000 But that's the original.

00:43:11.000 It was radium.

00:43:12.000 And these girls were working with this very closely to paint these watches and they would lick the brush and dip it in there so they're getting this stuff and their tongues would rot off. 1.00

00:43:22.000 They would get holes in their faces.

00:43:24.000 They couldn't figure out what was causing it.

00:43:26.000 It took...

00:43:26.000 A long time for them to realize.

00:43:28.000 So the effects weren't happening right away.

00:43:31.000 Right.

00:43:31.000 Because it's radiation poisoning.

00:43:33.000 So this stuff, radium, is radioactive, which is why it glows in the dark. 0.99

00:43:38.000 Damn. 0.99

00:43:39.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:43:39.000 And then there's some stuff they use now. 0.99

00:43:41.000 The radium girls were factory workers who died of radiation poisoning painting which objects with radioactive paint.

00:43:47.000 Why is it a question?

00:43:49.000 What is watches?

00:43:51.000 Yeah, so these poor ladies, if you see the girls with the... 1.00

00:43:56.000 Look at that one. 0.99

00:43:57.000 She's got this giant fucking growth in the bottom of her face. 1.00

00:44:01.000 If you go to radium girls' injuries or tumors, it's horrific. 0.99

00:44:09.000 Scroll down.

00:44:10.000 I'm sure they have some images of it.

00:44:11.000 It's really sad, though.

00:44:13.000 Really sad.

00:44:14.000 Because this had never happened before.

00:44:16.000 And I think it was the 1920s.

00:44:20.000 So is that like the job when the men were at war?

00:44:22.000 Women were making watches? 1.00

00:44:24.000 Well, was that World War I? When did World War I end?

00:44:29.000 19...

00:44:29.000 somewhere around the 40s.

00:44:31.000 I just listened to Smedley Butler's book yesterday, so he was talking about all this.

00:44:35.000 Right after the big war, the great war to end all wars.

00:44:40.000 Profits for a lot of these companies jumped, skyrocketed.

00:44:43.000 Metal, leather, paint for watches, everything.

00:44:47.000 Smedley Butler, I think he wrote that in the 30s.

00:44:51.000 War is just a racket. 0.54

00:44:52.000 I like that name.

00:44:53.000 You should read that book.

00:44:55.000 It's terrifying.

00:44:56.000 Because it just shows you that this guy who was a loyal Marine and a soldier and who had...

00:45:03.000 You know, been to war and had realized later in his life that he had risked his life for bankers and to make industry available in certain countries and that he had been lied to.

00:45:15.000 And he wrote a book called War is Just a Racket.

00:45:18.000 And it's an amazing book because if you look at what he wrote in 19...

00:45:23.000 I want to say it's 37. When did that come out?

00:45:27.000 35. 35. If you look at what he wrote in 1935, it's applicable today all around the world.

00:45:34.000 Like what this guy was trying to expose about the real motivations, why politicians lead soldiers into war.

00:45:42.000 Very little of it is about your safety and your health.

00:45:45.000 I mean, occasionally it is, like World War II, which is kind of ironic, because World War II is right after he wrote this, whereas a war where we actually really did need to stop Hitler.

00:45:54.000 But this guy wrote this book, and it just shows how many military actions are not just unnecessary, but deceptive.

00:46:03.000 Yeah.

00:46:04.000 And this guy realized it later in his life.

00:46:06.000 Wasn't he a three-star general or something like that?

00:46:11.000 Retired Marine, two-time Medal of Honor recipient.

00:46:14.000 Yeah.

00:46:16.000 So he was a decorated soldier.

00:46:19.000 And as he was an old man, he was like, Jesus Christ, what have I done? 0.99

00:46:23.000 That's crazy to do something thinking that...

00:46:26.000 What's really crazy is that no one else did it and that he was really like the first person to publish something that became, you know, a popular piece of work where the average person like myself or you who doesn't really know that much about war could read about it and go, 0.98

00:46:42.000 holy shit.

00:46:44.000 Like, this is what was really going on. 0.99

00:46:46.000 That they were just making things safe for bankers, or they're clearing, you know, a way to get to natural resources.

00:46:52.000 I think that's why there's so much, like, distrust in government and stuff now, because there's so many things that we realize later on, like, why was that so necessary?

00:47:01.000 Well, not only that, I mean, you're seeing it with this administration where they're doing the same things that Trump was doing.

00:47:10.000 They're just pretending they're not.

00:47:11.000 They're just wearing cute jackets. 1.00

00:47:13.000 Well, it's just the same fucking thing. 0.99

00:47:14.000 The whole thing was like the kids at the border. 1.00

00:47:18.000 We've got to stop these families at the border, this detention at the border, putting people in cages. 1.00

00:47:23.000 They're doing the same fucking thing. 0.98

00:47:25.000 And then Ted Cruz went down there to try to film it, and they were asking him to stop filming, like, this Biden employee's like, stop filming, stop filming, sir, please, have some respect. 0.99

00:47:33.000 He's like, this is, like, you can't just make rules, like, that we can't film now.

00:47:38.000 And that's how you're going to stop people from talking about this, that nothing's changed.

00:47:42.000 Because they were pretending that Trump was doing this, and that it was all Trump's fault.

00:47:47.000 Well, no, it's... 0.94

00:47:48.000 The border is crazy and porous.

00:47:51.000 And now that Trump's not in office, they think it's more friendly because Biden's there.

00:47:56.000 So more people are coming through.

00:47:57.000 And a lot of them have Biden t-shirts on.

00:48:00.000 Have you seen that?

00:48:01.000 No.

00:48:01.000 Where they get detained.

00:48:02.000 Yeah.

00:48:03.000 Like dozens and dozens of them.

00:48:04.000 Like they're going to a Biden concert.

00:48:05.000 Like they're going to a Biden rally.

00:48:07.000 We bought the merch.

00:48:07.000 We love you.

00:48:08.000 Yes, exactly.

00:48:08.000 Help us.

00:48:09.000 You've never seen it?

00:48:09.000 You should see it.

00:48:10.000 It's crazy.

00:48:11.000 So they're coming to the border wall with Biden shirts on.

00:48:15.000 And so they've resumed construction of the border wall, if you know that.

00:48:19.000 So this administration was like, we're not going to do what the past administration did.

00:48:24.000 Yeah, you are.

00:48:25.000 But is this wall going to be huge?

00:48:30.000 Huge.

00:48:30.000 Did that land?

00:48:32.000 Look at this.

00:48:33.000 Please let us in.

00:48:34.000 Yeah.

00:48:35.000 Biden, please let us in.

00:48:36.000 Look at this. 1.00

00:48:38.000 Who's giving him those fucking shirts? 1.00

00:48:39.000 Probably the cartel. 1.00

00:48:40.000 They probably all have a pound of coke in their ass. 1.00

00:48:46.000 Weird, right? 1.00

00:48:47.000 Yeah.

00:48:48.000 It's just a weird...

00:48:49.000 You know what's even weirder?

00:48:50.000 I was talking to a friend of mine, and he's much more knowledgeable about this.

00:48:53.000 He goes, you know, listen, man.

00:48:55.000 He goes, the bottom of Mexico, those other South American countries, they're trying to get into Mexico, and the Mexicans don't want them coming into Mexico. 0.95

00:49:02.000 And then you got Mexicans that are trying to get into America, and there's Americans that don't want them in America. 1.00

00:49:07.000 It's like, they're doing it too.

00:49:09.000 If you go down to Honduras, and Honduras into Mexico, they're like, hey, we have enough. 1.00

00:49:15.000 Literally, it's happening every step of the way up to America.

00:49:19.000 Yeah, that's crazy.

00:49:21.000 I don't, yeah, I don't know much about that stuff. 1.00

00:49:24.000 You don't pay attention that shit? 0.98

00:49:25.000 Well, I just feel like it becomes too, like, sided. 0.99

00:49:30.000 Like, we're, it's scary to talk about politics, because it can become so, like, if you say one thing that's not with, you know, some sort of, like, if it's not in an infographic on Instagram, then it's wrong, and it's all very, like, this way or that way.

00:49:45.000 So I try and stay somewhat informed, but...

00:49:49.000 It just feels very exhausting nowadays.

00:49:51.000 What do you mean by if it's on an infograph?

00:49:54.000 Like, I'm on very, like, super hyper woke Instagram, you know?

00:49:58.000 You are? 0.99

00:49:58.000 A lot of, yeah, a lot of my friends post a lot of like, you know, woke shit, which, you know. 0.99

00:50:04.000 Do you yell at them for that? 0.99

00:50:05.000 I scroll past it.

00:50:07.000 I read it.

00:50:07.000 It's got shiny letters and a nice font.

00:50:10.000 So I'm like, oh, this is pretty.

00:50:11.000 But it's very extreme where it's like, you're either all in or you're all out.

00:50:16.000 And I'm like, I don't...

00:50:17.000 It's a bunch of people trying to control people.

00:50:18.000 That's what it is mostly.

00:50:20.000 The idea is wonderful.

00:50:22.000 That we should all be inclusive and nice and kind and caring.

00:50:26.000 And I agree to that wholeheartedly. 1.00

00:50:27.000 But a lot of people use woke ideology as an excuse to be an asshole. 1.00

00:50:32.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00

00:50:33.000 To people who don't think the way you think. 0.99

00:50:34.000 So you have like a lot of really aggressive, shitty guys that jump on the woke movement and use it as an excuse to vent out their cuntiness on other people. 0.99

00:50:45.000 And it's usually these... 0.98

00:50:46.000 They're usually not very successful.

00:50:48.000 They usually have terrible relationships.

00:50:51.000 They're like really volatile, angry people.

00:50:54.000 And they found the wokeness as like a path to righteousness.

00:50:59.000 This is the way they can feel good about screaming at people.

00:51:03.000 So they'll scream about people and call them racist or homophobic or transphobic or whatever it is, whatever phobia or ist they can figure out a way to call you.

00:51:11.000 And that's their legitimate outlet.

00:51:14.000 Their badge of honor. 0.98

00:51:15.000 But it's a legitimate outlet for their shittiness. 0.95

00:51:17.000 It's like they found a... 0.58

00:51:19.000 Instead of going...

00:51:20.000 Is this really what's going on here?

00:51:23.000 Maybe I should look at this open-mindedly.

00:51:26.000 Maybe I should be objective and compassionate.

00:51:29.000 Maybe I should just really actually try to spread kindness.

00:51:32.000 Just try to be a nice person.

00:51:33.000 Nope.

00:51:33.000 That's not what it is.

00:51:34.000 What wokeness is, is like any other cult. 0.88

00:51:36.000 It's any other ideology.

00:51:38.000 It comes along and then there's a lot of good intentions. 1.00

00:51:41.000 There's a lot of good thoughts behind it, but then a bunch of assholes adopt it. 1.00

00:51:45.000 And those assholes use it for their own betterment. 0.99

00:51:49.000 Yeah, and it's a lot of like a different end of the same token where it's like it's kind of the same rhetoric and way of going about things as people who are on the complete opposite end of the spectrum who are very hateful. 0.99

00:52:03.000 It's funny because they're preaching acceptance and then canceling people for anything they can think of.

00:52:12.000 Yes, real or imagined.

00:52:14.000 Which is scary because I want to be a good person and then it's like hard because I'm like am I being the right kind of good person for these people?

00:52:24.000 Well you are for now but the problem is five years from now it could be radically different. 0.96

00:52:29.000 And then you can get cancelled for some shit you said now when it was acceptable. 0.98

00:52:33.000 Look, we all are kind of following a hive mind, right? 0.99

00:52:37.000 And there's extremes on the right and there's extremes on the left. 0.93

00:52:40.000 But when you get to the really radical, shitty people on the right or the really radical, shitty people on the left, what they share in common is their adherence to a pattern. 0.97

00:52:51.000 And the pattern doesn't have to be logical, it's just very tribal. 1.00

00:52:54.000 Like, whoever's on that other side is a piece of shit. 1.00

00:52:57.000 And, you know, they'll find reasons why that person's a piece of shit. 1.00

00:53:02.000 Whether it's a person who's a left-wing person, that lefty, communist, Marxist, socialist piece of shit, they want to fucking ruin this country in this... 1.00

00:53:10.000 Or they go the other way. 1.00

00:53:11.000 They're on the left and they'll find reasons why people on the right are racist, sexist, homophobic, and this and that.

00:53:18.000 And they'll scream out Black Lives Matter at the top of their lungs. 0.91

00:53:21.000 What are they really doing?

00:53:23.000 What they're really doing is they're adhering to an ideology. 0.97

00:53:25.000 And they're rigidly doing it and they're using it as a portal to channel their cuntiness. 0.96

00:53:31.000 And they're both sides, left and right. 0.96

00:53:33.000 They're the same kind of people.

00:53:34.000 They just picked a team.

00:53:35.000 It's hard because there's no room when that's your whole thing is being super one-sided.

00:53:43.000 Either way, it leaves no room for growth or change.

00:53:48.000 They're not trying to grow and change.

00:53:50.000 Exactly.

00:53:50.000 They're just trying to get the rocks off.

00:53:52.000 Yeah.

00:53:53.000 That's what a lot of it is.

00:53:54.000 Yeah.

00:53:54.000 It's a weird time because of the social media movement, because so many people are communicating online, these weird little clips of text, weird little blurbs, and they're just waiting to see how people respond to those blurbs.

00:54:10.000 So it's like the shittiest way of communicating is not just...

00:54:17.000 Yeah.

00:54:37.000 And that's not true because of that.

00:54:39.000 And the reason why you're saying that is, well, what about your own thing?

00:54:42.000 Are you looking at it because of your biases?

00:54:46.000 You know, there's no back and forth, which is the way humans are really supposed to express themselves.

00:54:52.000 Yeah, and there's no room for nuance.

00:54:54.000 Everything can be very black and white and there's no room for gray area of like, yeah, I mean this, this is what I'm saying, I mean it, but I mean it in the context of this.

00:55:06.000 Everything can be taken out of context, which is, you know, hard and...

00:55:13.000 And people hold you to your words and what you say and don't let you form new opinions or beliefs based on what you've learned later on.

00:55:22.000 Because they're not trying to find out what you really think.

00:55:24.000 They're just trying to catch you.

00:55:26.000 They're just trying to play gotcha.

00:55:27.000 They're just trying to say, oh, Allie, you said this. 0.63

00:55:30.000 You called yourself a dyke one time. 1.00

00:55:32.000 Well, that's fucked up. 1.00

00:55:34.000 You're a fucking, you know, and then they get mad at you and you're like, hey, hey, hey, I was joking. 1.00

00:55:38.000 It was September. 1.00

00:55:38.000 It was the season for me to be a dyke. 1.00

00:55:41.000 Yeah.

00:55:42.000 I spell it with a Y. It's fine. 1.00

00:55:44.000 Yeah, I put an X in there somewhere, so it's inclusive.

00:55:48.000 I was talking to this lady, her name was Karen. 0.99

00:55:49.000 I said, does all this Karen shit bother you? 0.99

00:55:51.000 She goes, no, I spell it different. 0.99

00:55:53.000 With a C? I go, what the fuck does that mean? 0.99

00:55:55.000 No, it's K-A-R-Y-N, she said. 0.99

00:55:58.000 I go, listen, nobody knows how the fuck you spell it. 0.99

00:56:01.000 You're not wearing a name badge, though. 0.99

00:56:02.000 People call it Karen.

00:56:03.000 You're being a Karen.

00:56:04.000 They don't say, oh, you're being a K-A-R-E-N. You're not being a K-A-R-Y-N. Those women are amazing. 1.00

00:56:12.000 Yeah, what a tough time for Karens.

00:56:14.000 Terrible time for Karens.

00:56:15.000 But there are a lot of them.

00:56:17.000 Well, which kind?

00:56:19.000 You mean the cunty kind? 0.56

00:56:20.000 Or like a woman just named Karen? 0.88

00:56:23.000 The cunty kind.

00:56:24.000 I'm sure there's sweet Karens. 0.90

00:56:26.000 We need one for men. 1.00

00:56:28.000 Chad?

00:56:29.000 But that's not right.

00:56:30.000 There's a lot of Chad's like really good guys.

00:56:35.000 The guy who's the director of John Wick.

00:56:40.000 I can never say his last name because it's a complicated last name.

00:56:44.000 How do you say his last name?

00:56:46.000 Soslowski.

00:56:47.000 How do you say it?

00:56:47.000 Is he Russian?

00:56:48.000 Polish?

00:56:49.000 That's a good question.

00:56:50.000 Probably Russian. 0.87

00:56:52.000 It's a complicated name, though.

00:56:55.000 You did the 23andMe thing, right?

00:56:56.000 Soslowski.

00:56:57.000 Seleski.

00:56:58.000 Yeah.

00:56:59.000 Hell of a director.

00:57:01.000 Strange name.

00:57:02.000 But he's a Chad.

00:57:04.000 He's a good Chad.

00:57:05.000 There's a lot of Chads that are good.

00:57:06.000 Yeah.

00:57:07.000 Chad Ward, my friend.

00:57:08.000 He's a barbecue chef.

00:57:10.000 Is he out here?

00:57:11.000 No, he is... 0.99

00:57:13.000 Where the fuck is Chad? 0.99

00:57:15.000 Do you go out a lot over here? 1.00

00:57:16.000 I do.

00:57:17.000 Are you able to go out and just enjoy yourself?

00:57:20.000 I just live my life.

00:57:21.000 Okay, good.

00:57:22.000 Young Allie Makovsky.

00:57:23.000 I don't know what your life looks like.

00:57:24.000 It's a little odd, but yeah, I just live my life.

00:57:26.000 That's cool.

00:57:27.000 People are cool here.

00:57:28.000 Yeah, they are.

00:57:29.000 They're very cool.

00:57:30.000 That's what I like.

00:57:30.000 It's fun out here, because you'll just see the most random group of people hanging out.

00:57:36.000 It feels like what we were just talking about.

00:57:38.000 It's a very social town, and everyone's kind of buddies with each other, and there's a feeling that you're home, even if you've never been here.

00:57:46.000 Yeah.

00:57:47.000 What did Matthew McConaughey say?

00:57:48.000 All right, all right.

00:57:48.000 The way he described it?

00:57:49.000 No, he said, he goes, no one here is too good, and everyone's good enough.

00:57:55.000 I love that.

00:57:57.000 That's such a Matthew McConaughey thing to say.

00:57:58.000 I love Matty.

00:57:59.000 Matty Mac.

00:58:00.000 That's such a Matthew McConaughey thing to say.

00:58:02.000 He'll be president someday.

00:58:04.000 Yeah.

00:58:04.000 If someone doesn't come along and trip him.

00:58:07.000 He's so cool.

00:58:08.000 I want to read his book.

00:58:11.000 Well, then read it.

00:58:12.000 My boyfriend has it.

00:58:12.000 If you want to read it, why don't you read it?

00:58:14.000 I'm going to.

00:58:15.000 Why don't you steal it from your boyfriend?

00:58:16.000 Say, if you love me, you'll give me the book. 1.00

00:58:18.000 Give me the book, bitch. 1.00

00:58:19.000 Do you guys say love? 1.00

00:58:20.000 Do you say love?

00:58:20.000 I said it.

00:58:21.000 Woo! 0.99

00:58:22.000 Why do you say it like that with a grimace?

00:58:24.000 Because it's just scary.

00:58:26.000 Ooh.

00:58:26.000 Yeah.

00:58:27.000 That's the only way to find out if he loves you back or if he's a liar.

00:58:31.000 He's a sweetie.

00:58:32.000 He's a sweetie.

00:58:33.000 I'm sure he is.

00:58:34.000 Yeah.

00:58:35.000 Yeah.

00:58:36.000 What do you think about famous people becoming president like that?

00:58:40.000 I think anything is possible nowadays.

00:58:43.000 People are willing to vote anyone in.

00:58:45.000 They've been willing to vote anyone in for a long time.

00:58:48.000 It's just people haven't done it, other than Reagan.

00:58:51.000 Was Reagan voted in?

00:58:54.000 What did you think?

00:58:55.000 How did you think he became president?

00:58:56.000 Well, no, I mean, like, no, no. 0.99

00:58:59.000 I'm not that dumb. 0.97

00:59:00.000 I'm pretty dumb, but I'm not that dumb. 0.98

00:59:01.000 I mean, like, the way that Kanye wasn't on the ballot in most places. 0.98

00:59:06.000 No, Reagan was the governor of California, and then he became the president of the United States.

00:59:11.000 But he ran for president, right? 0.99

00:59:13.000 Reagan was the fucking president for two terms. 0.99

00:59:15.000 I know that he was the president. 1.00

00:59:17.000 What do you mean by he ran for president?

00:59:18.000 That's how you become president.

00:59:19.000 No, but you know how some people get voted in, like they're not on the ballot.

00:59:22.000 Do you want me to forget we talked about this?

00:59:23.000 We can edit it out.

00:59:24.000 We can edit it out.

00:59:26.000 No, he was actually on the ballot.

00:59:28.000 Yeah, okay.

00:59:29.000 He was the governor of California.

00:59:31.000 I thought you meant that people wrote his name because they loved him so much as governor.

00:59:35.000 No, what I meant is that he was an actor.

00:59:38.000 Yes.

00:59:38.000 And a famous guy.

00:59:40.000 Westerns, right?

00:59:41.000 He did a lot of movies.

00:59:43.000 One of his famous ones, he did a movie with a chimp in the 1950s. 1.00

00:59:49.000 Bedtime for Bongo. 0.81

00:59:50.000 Bonzo or Bongo?

00:59:52.000 Yeah, it was him and a chimp were palling around together. 1.00

00:59:55.000 Bonzo.

00:59:56.000 Bonzo.

00:59:57.000 1951. Yeah.

00:59:58.000 Yeah, Reagan was like a young, sort of like a dragnet-style heartthrob back in the day.

01:00:06.000 I feel like nowadays people would vote for Bonzo to be president.

01:00:10.000 Probably for fun.

01:00:11.000 100%.

01:00:12.000 Let's see.

01:00:13.000 I think after that Harambe... 0.98

01:00:15.000 Didn't people vote in for Harambe the year that there was that... 0.99

01:00:18.000 See how little that chimp is? 1.00

01:00:20.000 That's because it's a baby.

01:00:21.000 Chimps are so cute.

01:00:21.000 Have you ever held one?

01:00:22.000 Yeah.

01:00:23.000 But you have to...

01:00:24.000 The only way they'll work with someone like that, they have to be babies. 1.00

01:00:28.000 You can't have a grown chimp. 1.00

01:00:30.000 Grown chimps will just beat the shit out of you. 1.00

01:00:32.000 We were on the set of news radio, and they had a baby chimp like that. 1.00

01:00:36.000 And it was a baby.

01:00:37.000 It had a diaper on and everything.

01:00:38.000 And it climbed on me like I was holding it.

01:00:41.000 And it climbed on my back and went... 0.99

01:00:44.000 Just beat me in the back, and I was like, holy shit! 0.99

01:00:47.000 Like, a tiny little thing. 0.99

01:00:49.000 You know, like, probably 30, 40 pounds.

01:00:51.000 I couldn't believe how hard it was hitting me. 1.00

01:00:53.000 I was like, fuck! 1.00

01:00:54.000 That's crazy. 1.00

01:00:55.000 And they feel different.

01:00:56.000 They feel like they're made out of this table.

01:00:58.000 Like, their muscles. 0.99

01:00:59.000 Like, it's like, when you touch them, you go like, oh, I'm like a fucking water balloon compared to that. 1.00

01:01:07.000 Like, your body is so mushy and soft compared to a chimp. 1.00

01:01:11.000 Yeah.

01:01:12.000 They're a real weird feeling.

01:01:13.000 I like chimps and stuff.

01:01:15.000 This is viral video.

01:01:16.000 Oh, it's cute.

01:01:18.000 Yeah, it's adorable.

01:01:18.000 Look at this.

01:01:19.000 It barely has to try.

01:01:21.000 Yeah, it just hoists him up.

01:01:23.000 Oh, wow.

01:01:25.000 Look at that.

01:01:25.000 And then watch this fist bump at the end.

01:01:27.000 He goes, fist bump.

01:01:28.000 Oh! 0.60

01:01:29.000 How cool is that?

01:01:30.000 Oh, it's so cute.

01:01:31.000 That's pretty dope. 0.78

01:01:32.000 That's a grown chimp. 1.00

01:01:33.000 Yeah.

01:01:34.000 Must have a good relationship with it.

01:01:36.000 You know what animal I love?

01:01:38.000 What?

01:01:39.000 Goats.

01:01:40.000 Why do you love goats?

01:01:40.000 I want a goat.

01:01:41.000 I want to get, when I make it, I want a backyard and I want to have a goat.

01:01:46.000 Wow.

01:01:46.000 They're so cute and they're friendly and they just hang out.

01:01:50.000 You want a backyard and a goat.

01:01:52.000 Yep.

01:01:53.000 That's what I want.

01:01:54.000 There's a coffee place down here called Civil Goat.

01:01:59.000 Is that what it's called?

01:02:00.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:02:01.000 And there's a goat that hangs out on the porch and it'll walk up to you and just kind of fucking headbutt you. 0.99

01:02:06.000 Really? 0.99

01:02:07.000 Yeah, it's weird. 0.75

01:02:08.000 The goat will walk up to you and like butt you in the legs and you're like, hey buddy, how you doing? 1.00

01:02:12.000 But he's not being an asshole. 1.00

01:02:15.000 It's just kind of like that's what they do. 1.00

01:02:16.000 They just run into things with their head.

01:02:18.000 Yeah.

01:02:18.000 And you kind of rub his head.

01:02:20.000 They're adorable.

01:02:21.000 And they're like, don't let the goat inside. 0.99

01:02:23.000 Because if you let the goat inside, they'll just like fucking eat everybody's food. 0.98

01:02:25.000 Jump on everything. 0.99

01:02:26.000 Yeah.

01:02:26.000 Paper napkins.

01:02:28.000 All of it.

01:02:29.000 They're odd animals.

01:02:30.000 Yeah.

01:02:30.000 I knew a dude who had some goats.

01:02:32.000 And he got goats for his backyard in Topanga.

01:02:36.000 And they had like this big piece of land.

01:02:39.000 And they said, oh, you know what we'll do?

01:02:41.000 We'll get the goats.

01:02:42.000 And the goats will clean all the brush.

01:02:44.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:02:44.000 Well, the goats fucking ate everything. 0.99

01:02:46.000 So they're like, we gotta get rid of these fucking goats. 1.00

01:02:48.000 So these crazy assholes just took the goats and just dropped them off on the side somewhere. 1.00

01:02:53.000 And then people knew that they had goats. 1.00

01:02:56.000 So people started asking around, like, did somebody let their fucking goats just loose in Topanga? 1.00

01:03:01.000 And then they contacted them and said, hey, asshole, come get your goats. 1.00

01:03:05.000 That's so messed up. 1.00

01:03:08.000 Just loose goats and Topanga? 0.82

01:03:10.000 I think the way they thought of it was like the goats will most certainly be able to feed themselves because they just eat whatever.

01:03:16.000 They eat brush.

01:03:18.000 And if they get hit by a car, they're not really into those goats anyway.

01:03:22.000 Which is sad.

01:03:23.000 That is sad.

01:03:24.000 I would hate to see that.

01:03:26.000 Have you ever, like, ran into an animal?

01:03:27.000 Like, dragon?

01:03:28.000 Squirrel.

01:03:29.000 Nothing big.

01:03:29.000 Did you feel bad?

01:03:30.000 Yeah.

01:03:31.000 I am.

01:03:31.000 Saw him in the back.

01:03:32.000 Like, as you passed, you see him bucking and twisting.

01:03:36.000 I've never hit a deer though, knock on wood, because I've seen a lot of them, especially out here.

01:03:41.000 That can be super dangerous, right?

01:03:43.000 Oh yeah.

01:03:43.000 My friend Cam, a guy in his town, died because he didn't hit the deer.

01:03:48.000 The guy in front of him hit the deer.

01:03:50.000 This is what's crazy.

01:03:51.000 The guy in front of him hit the deer.

01:03:52.000 The deer went up in the air and his car was driving behind the car and the deer went through his windshield and killed him.

01:04:01.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:04:01.000 Fuck. 1.00

01:04:02.000 Death by deer. 1.00

01:04:04.000 When death decides it's your time, the way you die can be just the most fucked up way. 0.99

01:04:11.000 Imagine you're just driving home, just went out to get a half gallon of orange juice or whatever. 0.96

01:04:16.000 It's always so heartbreaking, like just unexpected ones like that.

01:04:22.000 Yeah, it makes me so sad.

01:04:25.000 People die from that all the time.

01:04:26.000 They die from...

01:04:27.000 I've seen some crazy pictures online, too, of what happens when someone hits a car with a deer, where the deer goes through the windshield and the inside of the car is just a Jackson Pollock splatter painting of guts and blood.

01:04:43.000 Because when they hit the car, their body's falling apart and they go through the windshield and everything just bursts.

01:04:49.000 And the inside of the car was just all guts and meat.

01:04:55.000 Speaking of, I had my first deer.

01:04:58.000 Oh, you ate your first deer?

01:04:59.000 I ate my first deer.

01:05:00.000 Out here?

01:05:01.000 No.

01:05:02.000 At home, my cousin Johnny and his brother Michael, they go shooting or archering.

01:05:10.000 Archering?

01:05:10.000 Archering.

01:05:10.000 They do bow and arrow?

01:05:11.000 Yeah, they do bow and arrow.

01:05:13.000 Yeah?

01:05:13.000 Where at?

01:05:13.000 Where'd they go?

01:05:14.000 I think in Arizona, like Flagstaff or something like that.

01:05:17.000 How was it?

01:05:19.000 Gamey.

01:05:19.000 Oh, they probably didn't take care of it, right?

01:05:21.000 I mean, they...

01:05:22.000 You didn't like it?

01:05:24.000 It's just like when you're not used to tasting something like that, it's just weird.

01:05:29.000 Like, I imagine if I was back in the olden days and I was like, mmm, venison me up.

01:05:33.000 It would have been great, but...

01:05:35.000 Well, a lot of it is how the meat is prepared and how it's kept after you kill the animal.

01:05:41.000 Because you've got to keep it cool.

01:05:43.000 They have it in like a freezer.

01:05:45.000 That's not what I mean.

01:05:46.000 I mean, once you kill the animal, like from then on, you have to cool it off as quickly as possible.

01:05:51.000 And if you don't do that, it can kind of spoil the meat and get a weird taste to it.

01:05:57.000 And there's also a gland in the animal's legs called the tarsal gland.

01:06:02.000 And if that gland gets cut or nicked during the butchering process, Then that can get in the meat, and that'll fuck the meat up.

01:06:10.000 But for the most part, I think a lot of it is when guys get the animal.

01:06:15.000 They don't cool it off quick enough.

01:06:16.000 You don't have either ice ready right away, or you don't know how to hang it to get air around it.

01:06:22.000 There's a lot you have to do to make sure that the animal doesn't spoil.

01:06:26.000 Yeah, we have a flank, I think.

01:06:29.000 And then I guess there's a local butcher who makes it into sausages and kind of adds some other meats to it.

01:06:36.000 Usually they add fat.

01:06:38.000 Yeah.

01:06:38.000 Pork fat.

01:06:39.000 And that was really good.

01:06:40.000 Like, the sausage was really good.

01:06:43.000 But, yeah, it was just a totally different taste that I wasn't expecting.

01:06:48.000 Yeah.

01:06:49.000 Well, I don't know what they did.

01:06:50.000 Maybe they didn't cook it right, or maybe they didn't prepare it right, or maybe they didn't take care of it right.

01:06:54.000 My dad prepared it, and, you know, he's normally like a grill boss, but that was his first time.

01:07:00.000 It's a little trickier than regular meat because you have to be real careful with the temperature.

01:07:04.000 Usually you should use a thermometer because you don't want it to overcook because it's very lean.

01:07:10.000 It's not like a steak.

01:07:12.000 You could judge a steak like a beef steak much easier because there's a lot of fat in it.

01:07:16.000 Yeah.

01:07:16.000 Like if you're eating venison, it's a very lean animal.

01:07:20.000 We're definitely eyeballing it.

01:07:22.000 Eyeballing?

01:07:23.000 Oh, trying to guess it.

01:07:24.000 Yeah.

01:07:25.000 If your dad's never done it before, has he ever cooked that before?

01:07:27.000 No, never.

01:07:28.000 Yeah, you gotta read it.

01:07:29.000 We didn't know what to do.

01:07:29.000 We kind of surprised him with it.

01:07:31.000 Like, want to eat deer?

01:07:33.000 Yeah.

01:07:34.000 He was game.

01:07:35.000 Literally.

01:07:36.000 Mm-hmm.

01:07:37.000 You gotta read up on it.

01:07:40.000 Do you cook at all?

01:07:42.000 I'm trying to cook more, yeah.

01:07:44.000 But I moved into a studio and I have to cook on a hot plate so it feels like I'm camping all the time.

01:07:51.000 Because I don't have like a stove.

01:07:53.000 So I use a hot plate.

01:07:55.000 So I can only cook like one thing at a time.

01:07:58.000 So what do you cook?

01:08:00.000 I cook breakfast.

01:08:02.000 I'll make bacon, eggs, all that stuff.

01:08:06.000 And then I'll make rice.

01:08:08.000 I want to start making more vegetables.

01:08:11.000 Trying to be healthy?

01:08:12.000 Trying, yeah.

01:08:14.000 Luckily, I'm staying with my friends out here and they eat super healthy, so that's felt good.

01:08:18.000 But right after this, I'm going on a meat tour.

01:08:21.000 Who do you know out here?

01:08:22.000 My friend Julia and Jake, they're super sweet.

01:08:25.000 It's funny because I met Julia through my Patreon.

01:08:29.000 She was like, you know, follow me on Patreon.

01:08:31.000 I didn't know you had a Patreon.

01:08:33.000 Yeah, I have a small intimate.

01:08:34.000 You don't have an OnlyFans, do you?

01:08:35.000 No.

01:08:36.000 Patreon's the closest I'll get.

01:08:38.000 Patreon is the closest I'll get.

01:08:40.000 How many gals have turned to OnlyFans during the pandemic? 1.00

01:08:43.000 So many.

01:08:43.000 Quite a few have shown the tips.

01:08:44.000 I thought about it a couple times.

01:08:46.000 I was like, how do I suddenly get into this?

01:08:47.000 How does that work though?

01:08:48.000 Because like, someone can always, they save those pictures.

01:08:51.000 I know, that's why I would never do it.

01:08:53.000 If it was like top secret and, you know, just between... 0.99

01:08:57.000 Shh, that's not pussy. 1.00

01:08:57.000 Yeah, here you go, don't tell anybody. 1.00

01:09:00.000 Yeah, it's a weird thing, right?

01:09:01.000 And also, I'm too sensitive.

01:09:04.000 If I posted, oh, I have an OnlyFans now and two people joined, one of them being my mom because she's supportive, I'd be like, this hurts.

01:09:11.000 I know this lady that started an OnlyFans. 1.00

01:09:13.000 I don't know if she was doing it for money or just desperate or just wanted to do it. 0.94

01:09:18.000 I don't know.

01:09:19.000 But she got all this hate.

01:09:21.000 It was really interesting to see.

01:09:24.000 And even from her own family. 0.99

01:09:27.000 People furious at her for showing her tits. 1.00

01:09:29.000 That's crazy. 1.00

01:09:30.000 If you have good tits and you don't mind showing them... 1.00

01:09:33.000 Yeah, it's a weird thing. 0.99

01:09:35.000 Like, why is everybody mad? 1.00

01:09:37.000 It's one thing, if your wife starts showing her pussy, you're like, hey! 1.00

01:09:42.000 That's mine! 1.00

01:09:43.000 Yeah, hey! 1.00

01:09:44.000 I have a ring saying that that's our pussy. 1.00

01:09:47.000 Cut it out. 1.00

01:09:48.000 Yeah.

01:09:49.000 But if it's your sister or something like that, I don't think you're allowed to say anything.

01:09:54.000 You can't get mad at her.

01:09:56.000 I don't understand the getting mad part.

01:09:59.000 What are you mad at?

01:10:00.000 Yeah, I think it's a great way for people to make money if they can.

01:10:04.000 It's saturated, so it's hard.

01:10:06.000 You have to really hustle.

01:10:08.000 That becomes your business.

01:10:09.000 This girl who works for Brendan's shop makes like $100,000 a month showing her feet. 1.00

01:10:15.000 Yeah.

01:10:17.000 She's got a foot porn thing. 1.00

01:10:21.000 All of a sudden Jamie chimes in. 0.78

01:10:23.000 Weird, huh?

01:10:24.000 I was waiting for an in.

01:10:25.000 There's no more like, hey, she's doing Playboy. 0.81

01:10:29.000 Did you hear she's doing Playboy? 1.00

01:10:30.000 Is there Playboy anymore?

01:10:32.000 There's not even an option for it.

01:10:34.000 There's Playboy, but they're mostly doing articles and nice photo shoots.

01:10:39.000 There's not really much.

01:10:40.000 It used to be a big thing.

01:10:41.000 They'd make a huge offer. 0.99

01:10:44.000 Right, like a famous person would show their tits. 1.00

01:10:47.000 Yeah, I remember that. 0.99

01:10:50.000 Didn't Demi Moore do it? 1.00

01:10:52.000 Yeah, and Kim Kardashian.

01:10:55.000 Actresses and famous people.

01:10:57.000 Playboy was classy.

01:10:58.000 Like, oh, she's in Playboy. 0.97

01:11:01.000 It was a big deal.

01:11:02.000 A famous girl in wrestling did it. 1.00

01:11:05.000 Sable, when I was younger.

01:11:07.000 She's married to Brock Lesnar.

01:11:09.000 That was a huge deal.

01:11:11.000 Huge.

01:11:12.000 That couldn't be a thing now.

01:11:14.000 She'd just do OnlyFans and make this really quick.

01:11:17.000 Well, that's the thing.

01:11:18.000 These gals are making that bad Barbie girl. 1.00

01:11:20.000 Bad baby! 1.00

01:11:21.000 Whatever it is.

01:11:22.000 Oh.

01:11:23.000 How do you say it?

01:11:24.000 Bahad baby.

01:11:25.000 Is it baby?

01:11:25.000 It's not bad Barbie?

01:11:26.000 Nope, bad baby.

01:11:27.000 She spells it with an H after the base.

01:11:29.000 The catch me outside girl.

01:11:29.000 Catch me outside?

01:11:30.000 How about that?

01:11:31.000 How about that?

01:11:32.000 That girl made a million dollars in six hours. 1.00

01:11:34.000 She claims.

01:11:35.000 That's what I've heard.

01:11:36.000 Why are you calling her a liar?

01:11:37.000 Jamie's just so rude.

01:11:37.000 It sounds like some people are very cynical about it.

01:11:39.000 She's claiming she made that, but a lot of other girls who are on there will show their receipts. 1.00

01:11:44.000 Their receipts, yeah.

01:11:45.000 Like here, it says on the top.001%.

01:11:48.000 That's weird too.

01:11:49.000 Showing your receipts.

01:11:50.000 I would feel like if you did that, people would stop giving you money.

01:11:53.000 I know.

01:11:54.000 You have to be like, I'm not making too much.

01:11:56.000 It's a small group.

01:11:59.000 Or maybe they want to contribute to it because it's exciting because your girl is number one.

01:12:05.000 It's like rooting for a team in the NFL. You're like, go bad baby!

01:12:09.000 Yeah, if you only got to give her $10 a month or whatever it is.

01:12:11.000 I subscribe to an OnlyFans.

01:12:12.000 Do you?

01:12:13.000 I do.

01:12:14.000 Is it a boy?

01:12:14.000 No, it's a lady.

01:12:16.000 Oh.

01:12:17.000 What does she show?

01:12:18.000 Oh, she shows everything.

01:12:20.000 Which OnlyFans is this? 0.91

01:12:21.000 She's a savage. 1.00

01:12:22.000 Her name's Trisha Paytas. 0.86

01:12:24.000 And what does she do in her OnlyFans? 0.99

01:12:25.000 Do you know where she is?

01:12:27.000 Do you know who she is, Jamie?

01:12:29.000 Unfortunately, I do.

01:12:31.000 Do you follow her, too?

01:12:31.000 I don't follow her, but I follow the internet, so I know who this person is.

01:12:34.000 Yeah.

01:12:34.000 What's the problem?

01:12:35.000 She's an internet sleuth. 1.00

01:12:37.000 A sleuth?

01:12:38.000 Yeah, right?

01:12:39.000 That's the right word?

01:12:40.000 Nah, that's not the right word for her. 0.96

01:12:40.000 What's a sleuth? 0.96

01:12:41.000 What's a sleuth?

01:12:41.000 Sleuth is a detective.

01:12:42.000 Oh, no, she's not a sleuth. 1.00

01:12:44.000 You don't even read. 0.93

01:12:45.000 She's an internet sloth, I meant to say. 1.00

01:12:47.000 I know, I know. 0.99

01:12:48.000 That's a sloth.

01:12:49.000 I'm grateful to be here. 0.87

01:12:51.000 What do you mean a sloth is like a lazy person?

01:12:55.000 I know.

01:12:56.000 Well, no, she's just on the internet.

01:12:58.000 She's an internet person.

01:12:59.000 She's a person, like you and me.

01:13:00.000 Oh, I love her.

01:13:01.000 We're both on the internet.

01:13:02.000 Yeah, we are.

01:13:03.000 So what is the difference between her and I? She's on OnlyFans, she's on YouTube, she's everywhere.

01:13:10.000 But her OnlyFans is fun because she just moved into this beautiful house in the hills somewhere. 1.00

01:13:16.000 And she just shows her pussy. 1.00

01:13:17.000 She did a house tour. 1.00

01:13:18.000 Here's my pussy in the bathroom. 1.00

01:13:19.000 She did a house tour naked. 1.00

01:13:21.000 So you're getting this beautiful real estate.

01:13:23.000 You're like, oh, nice cabinetry.

01:13:26.000 What does this gal look like? 1.00

01:13:27.000 Jamie's shaking his head.

01:13:27.000 Jamie doesn't want to pull her up.

01:13:29.000 You don't want to?

01:13:30.000 We showed me and not everybody else.

01:13:32.000 We already said her name. 0.99

01:13:34.000 Fucking keep me in the dark here, buddy. 0.99

01:13:36.000 Sorry, you're right. 0.99

01:13:37.000 Jesus.

01:13:38.000 Here we go.

01:13:41.000 Oh, okay.

01:13:45.000 She's gone through so many different phases.

01:13:47.000 Wait a minute, that's the same person?

01:13:48.000 Yeah, that's fine. 0.98

01:13:49.000 What the hell? 0.93

01:13:50.000 She's a new person every week. 0.51

01:13:51.000 She's very entertaining.

01:13:53.000 A lot of people hate her.

01:13:54.000 A lot of people love her.

01:13:56.000 I would imagine if you're that kind of person, click on the one of her in her bikini and see how she would look naked. 1.00

01:14:02.000 Right down there on the bottom.

01:14:04.000 On the bottom.

01:14:05.000 There you go.

01:14:06.000 Yeah, you can keep that.

01:14:07.000 I will, yeah.

01:14:09.000 So she's one of them extroverted people that gets a lot of attention. 1.00

01:14:13.000 For sure.

01:14:14.000 And wants a lot of attention.

01:14:15.000 Yes.

01:14:15.000 So she's probably a good person to follow because she's constantly putting out content.

01:14:19.000 Yeah, and her OnlyFans too.

01:14:20.000 It's like, how do you have time for everything?

01:14:22.000 Like, her OnlyFans is always updated, doing all these new things.

01:14:25.000 She's making YouTube videos, podcasts, like, everything.

01:14:30.000 So her whole day is just pumping out content.

01:14:32.000 Yeah.

01:14:33.000 And you're there slack-jawed, eating hot Cheetos.

01:14:36.000 In bed.

01:14:36.000 Paying attention to her.

01:14:37.000 What is that?

01:14:38.000 Part of what you're saying.

01:14:40.000 The dumpster fire that is Trisha Paytas. 1.00

01:14:43.000 She just puts out all the content getting attention for sometimes wrong reasons. 0.98

01:14:48.000 Okay.

01:14:49.000 Yes.

01:14:50.000 Yeah, so that's why you winced.

01:14:52.000 Yes.

01:14:53.000 I get it.

01:14:53.000 You know what's amazing to me?

01:14:54.000 I had no idea she was a person.

01:14:57.000 You know what I mean?

01:14:58.000 Probably huge.

01:15:00.000 Probably has millions of followers on everything, right?

01:15:02.000 Yeah.

01:15:02.000 Probably going to make comments about this now.

01:15:05.000 I'm sure.

01:15:05.000 I had no idea.

01:15:06.000 But that's what's amazing about the internet.

01:15:09.000 My 10-year-old likes watching people play games.

01:15:13.000 Oh, on Twitch or something?

01:15:14.000 No, no, no.

01:15:15.000 On YouTube.

01:15:16.000 Oh, okay.

01:15:16.000 She likes watching these pretty girls that are funny play games on Roblox.

01:15:23.000 Yeah.

01:15:24.000 You know what Roblox is?

01:15:25.000 I've heard it, but I don't know exactly what it is.

01:15:28.000 It's like this weird video game that they play, and these girls play it, and they make funny comments and laugh. 0.53

01:15:33.000 She thinks it's hilarious. 0.99

01:15:34.000 Because she's fucking 10. Do you get nervous? 0.99

01:15:37.000 I watched this YouTube documentary called The Dangers of Social Media 2.0.

01:15:45.000 And the way that kind of like pornographic images are being shown to our kids, even if you have like parental controls, it shows up in weird ways and kind of subtly.

01:15:55.000 In YouTube?

01:15:56.000 Yeah.

01:15:57.000 What do you mean?

01:15:57.000 Kind of in everything.

01:15:59.000 I don't mean you are different.

01:16:01.000 I don't retain information well, but...

01:16:03.000 Or at all, right?

01:16:04.000 Or at all, yeah.

01:16:05.000 Just in and out, in and out.

01:16:09.000 And just how young people start watching porn now and the way that porn projects the image of sex onto children. 0.85

01:16:17.000 So now kids in high school are just having super gnarly sex because that's what they see and what they know. 0.91

01:16:24.000 Whoa.

01:16:25.000 And it's a really fascinating documentary.

01:16:28.000 It made me be like, if I have a kid.

01:16:29.000 What's the name of the documentary?

01:16:31.000 Dangers of Social Media.

01:16:33.000 Social Media Dangers 2.0 or something.

01:16:36.000 And so they create an Instagram account for an 11 year old and it says the bio is like 6th grade, you know.

01:16:44.000 It's very believably, if you go on her page, it looks like a 6th grader. 0.95

01:16:48.000 Two minutes after the account is activated, two minutes after they get a DM from a guy whose profile picture is a penis. 0.99

01:16:57.000 Oh, Jesus. 0.95

01:16:58.000 And so it's like, things are just popping up that you can't even, like, control, you know?

01:17:05.000 Childhood 2.0, so it's called.

01:17:07.000 Yeah, Childhood 2.0.

01:17:08.000 It's very...

01:17:09.000 I feel like...

01:17:12.000 Well, for sure there's a lot of that out there.

01:17:15.000 Yeah.

01:17:16.000 It's not a time to grow up slowly.

01:17:19.000 No.

01:17:20.000 People are growing up quickly these days, for sure. 0.99

01:17:22.000 You're going to get exposed to some gnarly shit if you're online. 0.99

01:17:26.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:17:27.000 Yeah, and I grew up having access to the internet, and I kind of have a vague memory of high-speed dial-up internet, the noise that it made.

01:17:40.000 But then, even for me, it was so quick into online stuff and being connected into the internet, but it's so much faster now, like babies with iPads and stuff.

01:17:53.000 Yeah.

01:17:54.000 Yeah, well, if you leave your kid alone with an iPad that has an internet connection and a Google account, especially if there's a couple of them together, they're always like, you know what I found? 0.94

01:18:04.000 And then next thing you know, the kids are looking at some fucking snuff film. 0.97

01:18:07.000 For sure. 0.99

01:18:08.000 Yeah.

01:18:08.000 It's scary.

01:18:10.000 Do you get nervous about that?

01:18:11.000 Yes.

01:18:12.000 Yeah, there's no way you can't.

01:18:14.000 I get nervous about everything.

01:18:15.000 I was reading this thing about sex trafficking the other day, and I was like, Jesus Christ.

01:18:22.000 People that are kidnapped in these countries.

01:18:26.000 In America?

01:18:27.000 Yeah, that happens too.

01:18:29.000 So much, and you don't even really realize it.

01:18:33.000 Well, I mean, there's always, like, some guy that you hear of that's got, like, people locked up in his basement and he's had them down there for ten years and they finally get out.

01:18:42.000 You know, how many stories of those have you heard?

01:18:44.000 And they always have, like, a spouse, a partner.

01:18:46.000 I'm like, how do you guys find that you have that in common?

01:18:49.000 Right, right.

01:18:50.000 How do you ease into that conversation of, like, I'm thinking of keeping some kids in the basement.

01:18:55.000 What do you think?

01:18:56.000 There's some monsters out there.

01:18:58.000 Oh, it's scary.

01:19:01.000 And now, like it was saying in the documentary, because at the time my parents grew up, it became dangerous to be outside because people would get kidnapped or, you know, you just hear of all these horror stories of kids being out, hitchhiking, whatever.

01:19:14.000 And so a lot of parents don't want their kids being out, but crime has gone down in that way so much since then.

01:19:20.000 Because people aren't hitchhiking, right.

01:19:21.000 Yeah, and so now kids are just inside on their phones because they don't play outside as much.

01:19:26.000 Yeah, I've heard some horror stories about Uber, though.

01:19:28.000 About girls, you know, getting attacked by their Uber drivers.

01:19:32.000 I've been in some creepy Ubers where I start recording on my phone the audio because I'm like, I don't know how this is going to play out.

01:19:39.000 Like how so?

01:19:40.000 I remember one time I was in the back of this dude's Uber in Hollywood and he was just saying like, I don't even remember what it was, but it was so creepy.

01:19:48.000 And I think women have like this radar like within them, you know, when you can just tell something's off. 1.00

01:19:56.000 Yeah.

01:19:56.000 A guy could be totally normal, but there's just something in you that's like, I'm getting a weird vibe.

01:20:02.000 And he was just saying things, and I was like, oh, I'm sorry, I don't want to talk, and just asking me weird questions.

01:20:07.000 It was a long time ago, but I remember hitting record on my phone because I'm like, this guy's in full control right now, unless I jump out the back.

01:20:15.000 And it's his car, too.

01:20:16.000 There's so much weirdness to it, right?

01:20:18.000 It's like it's so intimate.

01:20:20.000 It's like you're in his apartment that moves.

01:20:23.000 And it probably is his apartment when he clocks out.

01:20:25.000 It might be.

01:20:26.000 It might be.

01:20:27.000 My buddy CJ's living, Ubering by day.

01:20:29.000 Does he just go to a gym to shower or something?

01:20:31.000 Uh-huh.

01:20:32.000 Yeah.

01:20:32.000 He's doing Airbnbs and stuff now, but...

01:20:34.000 Yeah, there's a lot of people that do that That uber thing where they're driving people around all day long and you know like that's their social interaction is interacting with people and Some people just want to ride and then all sudden you're realizing like you're paying for the most uncomfortable Conversation you could ever have yeah,

01:20:54.000 you're like oh great now I have to and then you know sometimes you get in a car and someone you know Trump got a real bad rap like oh no And you realize you're going to listen to this QAnon guy who's driving you around.

01:21:05.000 And like, what do you say?

01:21:07.000 Just, hey, drop me off.

01:21:08.000 I can't do this.

01:21:09.000 I like to, when I get weirdo drivers like that who are just saying crazy stuff, I like to know what's going on in their world.

01:21:17.000 So ask them.

01:21:18.000 It's fascinating, yeah.

01:21:20.000 But what if you're with your friend and you guys are, you know, you've got plans, you've got something important to talk about, and this guy starts yapping at you.

01:21:29.000 What's going on tonight, girls?

01:21:31.000 What you up to?

01:21:34.000 You guys look nice.

01:21:36.000 How old are you?

01:21:37.000 Oh, it's so creepy.

01:21:38.000 What do you do for a living?

01:21:40.000 What's your name?

01:21:41.000 When people ask what you do for a living in an Uber and you're like, I'm a comedian.

01:21:44.000 They're like, tell me a joke.

01:21:47.000 One time I said I was a writer because I thought that that would get less questions.

01:21:51.000 And the guy was like, I'm a writer too.

01:21:54.000 What do you write?

01:21:55.000 And I was like, what do I write?

01:21:57.000 What do I write?

01:21:57.000 And I was like, I write stories.

01:21:59.000 He was like, I write raps and poems.

01:22:01.000 And then he pulled out a notebook from his glove compartment.

01:22:04.000 Did you start reading from it?

01:22:05.000 Yeah. 0.98

01:22:10.000 When people want you to listen to their music, it's one of the most fucking painful things. 0.90

01:22:14.000 Hey, I want you to listen to this song, and you're in their car, and you're like, no. 0.93

01:22:17.000 No, no, no, no, no.

01:22:18.000 Don't do this to me.

01:22:19.000 Don't you do this to me.

01:22:21.000 Then you have to go, oh, wow.

01:22:22.000 Who are your influences?

01:22:23.000 Oh, my God.

01:22:24.000 This is crazy.

01:22:26.000 I've been getting into...

01:22:27.000 It's fun being in Texas, because I feel like I'm in the country, you know?

01:22:31.000 So I've been listening to a lot of Brooks and Dunn.

01:22:33.000 Oh, there you go.

01:22:35.000 It's so fun.

01:22:36.000 Imagine if I had people over my house and I said, hey, I want you to listen to my podcast.

01:22:39.000 Listen.

01:22:40.000 Everybody sit down and listen to me talk.

01:22:42.000 Have you guys heard my podcast?

01:22:44.000 You guys want to listen to it?

01:22:45.000 Get a little glimpse?

01:22:49.000 I'm happy if someone doesn't know I have a podcast.

01:22:52.000 Does anyone know that you don't have a podcast?

01:22:54.000 I'm sure there's some people out there.

01:22:54.000 I'm going to find them.

01:22:55.000 Hang out with them.

01:22:56.000 Oh, is that the Seth Rogen guy from the movies?

01:22:58.000 Yeah.

01:22:59.000 No.

01:22:59.000 No, I'm his cousin.

01:23:00.000 That's my aunt. 0.99

01:23:01.000 I remember when I first got to do a show with you, it was obviously a big deal to me, so I'm telling my aunt, I'm like, I get to do a show with Joe Rogan.

01:23:09.000 And she's like, from the movies?

01:23:10.000 The stoner guy?

01:23:11.000 And I'm like, he is a stoner guy.

01:23:13.000 But I don't think he's in the movies like that.

01:23:15.000 I'm not as much of a stoner.

01:23:16.000 Seth Rogen apparently gets high every single day, all day long.

01:23:20.000 I get my second vax on 420. Woo!

01:23:24.000 Puff, puff, vax.

01:23:25.000 Wait a minute, why are you getting enough vaccination when you've already had COVID? I didn't know.

01:23:29.000 I was too late.

01:23:30.000 You don't need it.

01:23:30.000 You have the antibodies.

01:23:31.000 I'll just get the one and done.

01:23:33.000 I already got the one.

01:23:34.000 You're fine.

01:23:34.000 I'll let the one ride out.

01:23:35.000 Don't do it.

01:23:36.000 Because some people are having really bad reactions when they get the vaccination and they've had COVID, especially the second vaccination, because it's just an overwhelming experience for your body to be battling it out like that.

01:23:49.000 I don't know why, but see if you can Google that.

01:23:51.000 Make sure that's true.

01:23:52.000 Because I've heard of people, like one person told me that they had COVID and then they got vaccinated and the second one fucked them up.

01:24:00.000 My sister got, oh, she didn't want me to say it.

01:24:03.000 Joey, do you keep doing that to your sister? 1.00

01:24:05.000 I know, I fucked up. 1.00

01:24:05.000 She's throwing your sister under the bus. 1.00

01:24:06.000 Joey Diaz just got vaccinated, he said it was nothing.

01:24:09.000 That's the interesting thing, though.

01:24:10.000 You got the Johnson& Johnson.

01:24:11.000 Oh.

01:24:11.000 He was fine?

01:24:12.000 Yeah, he stayed fine.

01:24:13.000 That's good.

01:24:14.000 That's the thing, though, with getting COVID. People are so afraid to say that they got COVID because they're so...

01:24:19.000 Well, what were you doing?

01:24:20.000 I know.

01:24:20.000 Were you following all the rules?

01:24:22.000 Were you staying locked up inside and not going out into...

01:24:25.000 That's just in California.

01:24:26.000 Yeah.

01:24:27.000 Yeah.

01:24:27.000 California's lost.

01:24:28.000 The rest of the country doesn't treat you like that.

01:24:31.000 Well, it's like there's a good chance you're going to get COVID if you have to go to the grocery store or do anything. 0.97

01:24:36.000 I think it's your dopey woke friends too. 0.95

01:24:37.000 I know. 0.98

01:24:38.000 I know.

01:24:38.000 God love them.

01:24:39.000 The ones with two masks on and their Twitter profile.

01:24:41.000 Yeah.

01:24:42.000 Yeah.

01:24:44.000 Sad.

01:24:45.000 These kids.

01:24:46.000 They're going to change the world though.

01:24:47.000 They are.

01:24:48.000 They're the future.

01:24:49.000 It's going to be way better.

01:24:49.000 Yeah.

01:24:49.000 It's going to be communist.

01:24:51.000 That would be so crazy.

01:24:53.000 It's not going to work.

01:24:54.000 No.

01:24:55.000 Where would you live?

01:24:56.000 Like, say...

01:24:57.000 New Zealand.

01:24:58.000 New Zealand?

01:24:58.000 I don't know.

01:24:59.000 I've never been there, but...

01:25:00.000 I live in Australia. 0.99

01:25:01.000 I would say Canada, but have you seen what the fuck's going on in Canada? 0.98

01:25:04.000 See, I feel like Canada's too similar to us. 0.99

01:25:06.000 People put, like, a nice little mask on it and are like, it's a better version.

01:25:10.000 I'm like, it's pretty much the same.

01:25:10.000 No, it's not a better version.

01:25:11.000 It's too close to home.

01:25:12.000 Not during COVID. There's a church...

01:25:15.000 That they put a fence around the church, and then these people tried to go to the church anywhere and wear no masks, and then something like 200 cops were at the church.

01:25:28.000 See if you can find this.

01:25:30.000 It's really crazy.

01:25:31.000 There's a giant number of cops that were wearing SWAT gear. 1.00

01:25:36.000 Showed up at a fucking church in Canada. 0.99

01:25:39.000 And the internet is outraged about this. 1.00

01:25:41.000 Because there was one guy who was a pastor.

01:25:44.000 And he was kicking them out.

01:25:46.000 These cops showed up at his church.

01:25:47.000 And they all had masks on.

01:25:49.000 And he was yelling, get out!

01:25:50.000 Get out! 0.99

01:25:51.000 You Nazis! 1.00

01:25:52.000 You Nazis! 1.00

01:25:53.000 Unless you have a warrant, get out! 0.99

01:25:56.000 He's like, what are you doing?

01:25:57.000 You're intimidating us during Passover?

01:25:59.000 Get out! 0.98

01:26:00.000 He's screaming at them.

01:26:01.000 It's like, it got viral.

01:26:02.000 Well, their response to that wasn't, oh my god.

01:26:05.000 People don't want to be treated this way.

01:26:07.000 They don't want to be yelled at like they're criminals just because they're at church because I guess they have some regulations about church in Canada, particularly in this area.

01:26:17.000 I think it's Canada universally because there's some anti-lockdown riots that were going on last night in Montreal. 0.95

01:26:24.000 So this church, the next step was these cops show up in full riot gear and some of them had gas masks because they were going to pepper spray people at a fucking church because these people were openly celebrating and I guess they weren't wearing masks or they weren't following whatever national protocols they have. 0.53

01:26:46.000 So this is the first guy. 0.98

01:26:47.000 This is the guy that was screaming.

01:26:49.000 We'll play some of this because it's kind of crazy.

01:26:51.000 Out of this property.

01:26:52.000 Immediately.

01:26:53.000 I don't wanna hear a word.

01:26:54.000 Out! 0.58

01:26:56.000 Out! 0.58

01:26:57.000 Out of this property! 0.98

01:26:59.000 Why's that sound so shitty? 0.98

01:27:00.000 You'll come back with a warrant. 0.99

01:27:02.000 Out! 0.58

01:27:15.000 Sounds like he's doing an exorcism.

01:27:18.000 Yeah, well, there's something wrong with the volume or the sound on that particular copy of the video, but the other one was a little clearer.

01:27:25.000 But then, yesterday, it escalated in a huge way.

01:27:31.000 I don't know if it's the same church, but there was this church where...

01:27:35.000 This huge group of armed police showed up with bulletproof vests, black suits, the whole deal. 1.00

01:27:44.000 And to a fucking church. 1.00

01:27:46.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:27:47.000 Like, look at this.

01:27:48.000 Look at this.

01:27:48.000 Oh my god.

01:27:49.000 Dude, what the fuck is this? 1.00

01:27:51.000 Like, this is insane. 1.00

01:27:53.000 I mean, this is literally insane.

01:27:55.000 They have flak jackets on, bulletproof vests, they're armed, and they're showing up.

01:28:02.000 200 cops now.

01:28:06.000 200 cops showed up at a church.

01:28:09.000 So we're at close to 200 cops now.

01:28:13.000 Gas masks, visors and stuff, gas masks for gas.

01:28:20.000 200 cops and a helicopter.

01:28:25.000 They put a fence around the church to keep people from going in, and people apparently were trying to go through the fence to get to the church, and then the cops just decided to enforce things.

01:28:35.000 That's why you can't just tell people what to do.

01:28:39.000 You can't just decide to take away people's freedom, because this is where it goes.

01:28:43.000 You'll start thinking, well, we're just trying to protect people.

01:28:48.000 But then you've got to reinforce those laws.

01:28:50.000 So how do you reinforce those laws?

01:28:51.000 You bring 200 armed cops to shut down a church.

01:28:56.000 Now what happens if people resist that? 0.99

01:28:57.000 Well, then you have a fucking war between the churchgoers and the cops. 0.99

01:29:01.000 Over what? 1.00

01:29:03.000 Over they want freedom to practice their religion a year into a fucking lockdown. 1.00

01:29:08.000 A year. 1.00

01:29:09.000 Or more than a year.

01:29:10.000 It's April now.

01:29:11.000 We're a year and a month.

01:29:12.000 Right?

01:29:12.000 So they want freedom to practice their religion.

01:29:14.000 And these cops are following some fucking crazy law that they have up in Canada or some crazy orders that someone's given them to show up, 200 of them, and shut a church service down. 0.98

01:29:28.000 You know, and you could say, oh, you know, they're spreading the disease. 0.98

01:29:31.000 At a certain point in time, you've got to let people be people.

01:29:35.000 You've got to let them be free.

01:29:37.000 And protect yourself. 1.00

01:29:38.000 We know what the fuck is going on. 0.99

01:29:40.000 Protect yourself. 1.00

01:29:42.000 It's like the people who are mad at the people not wearing masks at church.

01:29:46.000 It's like you're not interacting with those people.

01:29:48.000 If that's what they want to do, you're not going to be affected.

01:29:54.000 Well, they think they are because they think it's going to spread.

01:29:56.000 But the thing is, it's not going to spread to you if you follow safety protocols and you don't go out.

01:30:02.000 You know, if you want to be that person that just lives the rest of your life in lockdown, you're allowed to.

01:30:07.000 I mean, regardless of this pandemic, if the pandemic ends and you say, you know what, it's too risky.

01:30:11.000 What if a new one comes up?

01:30:12.000 I don't want to be patient number one.

01:30:13.000 I'm going to wear three masks and stay home forever.

01:30:15.000 That's okay.

01:30:16.000 But when you tell people what to do like this, like you tell people you can't have church service. 0.99

01:30:22.000 You're going to start a fucking civil war. 0.99

01:30:24.000 People are going to get angry. 1.00

01:30:25.000 They're going to attack the cops.

01:30:26.000 And the cops, they develop this us versus them mentality. 0.99

01:30:31.000 And that's why these cops would show up and act like what they're doing is not some horrific crime against justice and sanity, where they show up, 200 of them, armed to a fucking church. 1.00

01:30:43.000 It's crazy. 0.99

01:30:44.000 But this is where it goes.

01:30:45.000 When you start telling people what to do, you have to enforce those laws.

01:30:48.000 And the way you enforce those laws is through violence.

01:30:50.000 And that's why this is so spooky.

01:30:53.000 And that's also why a lot of these really weak people, like what's scary is not that they have a different sensibility than people that are like that 21-year-old kid that got his dad sick, and the reckless people that aren't thinking things through.

01:31:09.000 The real problem is That you're enforcing your way of living on other people.

01:31:18.000 And there's only one way to do that.

01:31:20.000 You've got to bring in the cops.

01:31:21.000 Like that thing, that's what happens.

01:31:24.000 Yeah.

01:31:24.000 It's so dangerous.

01:31:27.000 It's unhealthy for the brain.

01:31:29.000 It's unhealthy for everybody.

01:31:31.000 Yeah.

01:31:33.000 At a certain point in time, like what they did in Texas, like the governor said, I'm going to end the mask mandate. 0.98

01:31:39.000 You should still wear a mask, but I'm not going to make it a fucking law. 0.90

01:31:43.000 And all businesses can open 100%. 0.97

01:31:45.000 Or if you don't want to open 100%, you want to be 50% open, do that.

01:31:49.000 But I'm not going to have a mandate.

01:31:50.000 We're a year into this.

01:31:51.000 He goes, Texas is fully open.

01:31:53.000 Do whatever you want.

01:31:54.000 That's what I support.

01:31:55.000 Do what you want.

01:31:57.000 Protect yourself.

01:31:58.000 Look after yourself.

01:31:59.000 Yeah.

01:32:01.000 We know how to keep your immune system strong.

01:32:03.000 We know how to be healthy.

01:32:05.000 We know treatments for the disease if you do get it.

01:32:07.000 We know how to keep yourself from getting it for the most part. 1.00

01:32:11.000 Fuck, this kind of shit drives me crazy. 1.00

01:32:14.000 And there's so many people that have become these weird... 1.00

01:32:18.000 They've become so compliant to authority, and they want everybody else to be compliant, too.

01:32:25.000 They become their own police force.

01:32:26.000 Yeah, well, they police everyone around them, too.

01:32:29.000 They scream at people across the street, wear a mask!

01:32:31.000 You're on the other side of the street!

01:32:33.000 It's happened to me someone has come over...

01:32:35.000 To my boyfriend.

01:32:36.000 He was at a parking lot with his buddies.

01:32:39.000 Four of his buddies.

01:32:40.000 They were out skating.

01:32:41.000 They were about to leave.

01:32:42.000 And some lady from across the street walked over and goes, why aren't you guys wearing your masks?

01:32:47.000 And they're like, okay, we'll wear our masks.

01:32:50.000 Thank you.

01:32:50.000 And she goes, you can put them on now.

01:32:52.000 And they're like, we don't, we're fine.

01:32:55.000 And she was like, I got vaccinated, so I'm not worried about myself.

01:32:58.000 I'm just looking out for you guys.

01:33:00.000 Sure.

01:33:02.000 It's what we were talking about earlier with woke people.

01:33:04.000 People like to tell people what to do.

01:33:06.000 And there's like a clear green light to say, put a mask on.

01:33:11.000 It's so clear.

01:33:12.000 So should you put a mask on?

01:33:14.000 Yeah, you probably should.

01:33:15.000 You know why you should?

01:33:16.000 Not outside, really, but inside especially, to make people feel better.

01:33:19.000 Yeah.

01:33:20.000 They don't feel uncomfortable around you. 1.00

01:33:22.000 They don't feel like you're an asshole. 0.98

01:33:24.000 And you're doing something that makes people feel better. 0.98

01:33:26.000 Yeah, that's nice.

01:33:27.000 That's a good thing. 1.00

01:33:28.000 But the people that are like, put a fucking mask on. 0.99

01:33:31.000 Those are the same people as the far right people or the far left people. 1.00

01:33:36.000 They're just people that like to tell people what to do. 0.98

01:33:40.000 They're people that like to find an excuse to be shitty. 0.98

01:33:43.000 And feel in control. 0.99

01:33:43.000 And that's what they're doing. 0.99

01:33:44.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:33:44.000 Oh, I'm going to go tell those people to put their fucking mask on. 1.00

01:33:46.000 Her life, I guarantee you, is a mess. 1.00

01:33:49.000 A steaming pile of shit mess. 1.00

01:33:52.000 Well, I think because of the pandemic, that was something that's out of our control. 1.00

01:33:57.000 I have no control over a global pandemic.

01:34:00.000 What can I do?

01:34:01.000 Nothing.

01:34:02.000 Voodoo. 0.90

01:34:02.000 Do you know any voodoo? 0.90

01:34:04.000 I'll learn.

01:34:05.000 I'll get into witchcraft soon. 0.85

01:34:07.000 But people, I think, realize that they have so little control over what can happen.

01:34:12.000 And it's a scary thing to realize that we're only so capable of doing things.

01:34:17.000 So it's like these are the little...

01:34:20.000 Micro actions of being like, I have control over this.

01:34:23.000 I can tell this person what to do.

01:34:24.000 You know what you do have control over?

01:34:26.000 You have control over your health.

01:34:27.000 And yourself, yeah.

01:34:28.000 You get yourself healthier or do your best to do so.

01:34:30.000 You know, Laura Beetz? 0.99

01:34:31.000 She lost 40 fucking pounds. 1.00

01:34:33.000 She looks amazing. 0.99

01:34:34.000 I saw, after I saw that, I was nervous to come on because last time I was talking about Taco Bell. 0.99

01:34:38.000 I'm like, I haven't lost shit. 0.97

01:34:40.000 Well, you weren't grossly overweight. 0.99

01:34:42.000 She let herself go.

01:34:45.000 Yeah, I'm getting there.

01:34:45.000 Now she's super healthy.

01:34:47.000 I know, it's awesome.

01:34:48.000 And focused.

01:34:49.000 That girl's focused.

01:34:50.000 I get inspired by her.

01:34:52.000 She writes constantly.

01:34:55.000 When she would go do sets at the store and see her with her notes, I'd go, yeah, that's what I like to see. 1.00

01:34:59.000 Someone with a fucking super thick notebook filled with pages and she's just crazy. 1.00

01:35:04.000 Constantly working on her act. 1.00

01:35:06.000 She always has new material.

01:35:08.000 She's always grinding. 1.00

01:35:09.000 Always grinding.

01:35:10.000 It's great.

01:35:11.000 And now she's grinding with her body, too. 1.00

01:35:12.000 I mean, she's way healthier.

01:35:14.000 You know, just, I mean, losing 40 pounds of blubber off of your body, it just frees you up so much.

01:35:21.000 It's just like, oh my god, my joints, my back, my knee, like everything was bothering me, now it's not.

01:35:26.000 Like, yeah, that's the message that needs to be pumped out into people. 0.98

01:35:31.000 Not just wear three masks, save the fuck away from everybody. 0.84

01:35:34.000 It's like, use this time to lose weight. 0.99

01:35:37.000 78% of the people that are in the fucking ICU are obese for COVID. 78%. 0.99

01:35:42.000 That's nuts!

01:35:43.000 And it's hard because it's one of those things when you're losing weight and trying to get healthier and all of that.

01:35:48.000 It's a slow process and so you don't get to see it in yourself because you see yourself every day so it doesn't feel like you're making progress so it's so easy to get discouraged and be like, this isn't helping.

01:35:59.000 I don't see the results.

01:36:00.000 That's why scales are important.

01:36:02.000 People are like, oh, don't pay attention to scale.

01:36:04.000 Just be healthy. 1.00

01:36:05.000 Listen, pay attention to fucking scale. 1.00

01:36:07.000 You don't live by it. 1.00

01:36:09.000 It's not the end-all be-all because you could starve yourself and be unhealthy and lighter and trick yourself.

01:36:16.000 But it's a good way to mark improvement.

01:36:19.000 You know?

01:36:20.000 And you can find ways.

01:36:22.000 There's programs you can follow online that are free that can help you lose weight.

01:36:26.000 There's all sorts of diets and ways to, like, count your calories and look at your expenditure and how much energy you're putting out, what you really need.

01:36:34.000 And what she did was just, like, cut out flour and sugar and just that alone. 0.99

01:36:40.000 Weight was falling off of her body.

01:36:42.000 Yeah.

01:36:43.000 It's interesting when you start doing stuff like that how much you realize it's in everything.

01:36:48.000 Yeah.

01:36:50.000 Like sugar and flour.

01:36:51.000 It's in everything.

01:36:52.000 It's in so much.

01:36:53.000 Yeah, it's in everything.

01:36:53.000 And so it's really like a full lifestyle change at first.

01:36:58.000 Yeah.

01:36:59.000 Because it's such an adjustment.

01:37:00.000 It's so easy to not pay attention to what's in your food.

01:37:03.000 But if you do it, you'll feel so much better.

01:37:05.000 Yeah.

01:37:06.000 This whole pandemic has exposed a lot of people's health issues.

01:37:13.000 It's not as simple as just it's a crisis of a disease that's ravaging the country.

01:37:20.000 It is definitely that.

01:37:21.000 But it also exposed how people that are healthy, it's not as big of a deal as people that are unhealthy.

01:37:28.000 You know?

01:37:29.000 And you don't have to catch it, too.

01:37:31.000 That's the other thing.

01:37:32.000 Like this idea that there's nothing you can do to protect yourself.

01:37:34.000 That's not true.

01:37:35.000 Your immune system can protect you from this.

01:37:38.000 It can stop you from having it.

01:37:41.000 When people in my house got it, there was two days where I was working out where I was like, I feel kind of shitty today.

01:37:46.000 I just feel dragged.

01:37:47.000 Like I was dragging.

01:37:48.000 So I just took it light.

01:37:49.000 I just broke a sweat.

01:37:51.000 Didn't push myself.

01:37:52.000 Didn't, you know, I was like, I'm just, I'm aware.

01:37:55.000 Because I work out a lot.

01:37:56.000 So I think about it.

01:37:57.000 You work out every day.

01:37:58.000 No.

01:37:58.000 I always take at least one day a week off.

01:38:00.000 Yeah.

01:38:00.000 Always.

01:38:01.000 But I have friends that work out every fucking day. 0.98

01:38:04.000 And they just do different things. 0.99

01:38:06.000 Are you still doing the sauna?

01:38:07.000 Every day.

01:38:08.000 That I do every day.

01:38:09.000 I was doing it five days a week, but now I basically do it almost every day.

01:38:14.000 Occasionally I'll take a day off.

01:38:15.000 It's way more likely that I don't take a day off.

01:38:18.000 Do you ever do the ice baths?

01:38:20.000 No, I need to get one of those.

01:38:21.000 I need to get one of them.

01:38:23.000 They have a tank that, it's like an ice plunge, and it'll cool it, so it'll get it to like 34 degrees, so you can just climb in.

01:38:32.000 You don't have to add ice to it, so basically it keeps it chilled.

01:38:35.000 You put a lid on it, and then you climb in it.

01:38:37.000 The best, apparently, is going sauna, ice bath, sauna, ice bath.

01:38:42.000 That's the way to do it.

01:38:43.000 I love that Wim Hof guy.

01:38:45.000 Oh, he's awesome.

01:38:45.000 I love him.

01:38:46.000 Yeah, he's awesome.

01:38:47.000 Whew! 0.99

01:38:49.000 Breathing exercises are amazing.

01:38:51.000 Yeah.

01:38:51.000 You ever do those?

01:38:52.000 Sometimes if I'm like really stressing, but it's something that I would like to do more consistently because it's not like, I feel like breathing exercises or meditation, like it's helpful if you do it every once in a while, but it's most effective if you're doing it like in a regular practice.

01:39:08.000 Yeah.

01:39:08.000 Do you meditate?

01:39:09.000 Yeah.

01:39:10.000 You do?

01:39:10.000 Yeah.

01:39:10.000 Yeah, I do, but I do it through, well, I used to do it when I had my tank.

01:39:15.000 I don't have a tank here.

01:39:16.000 I used to do it in the tank.

01:39:17.000 But now I do it through breathing exercises.

01:39:20.000 Yeah.

01:39:21.000 In the sauna.

01:39:22.000 Usually I combine them.

01:39:23.000 It makes it more difficult.

01:39:24.000 Knock them all out.

01:39:25.000 Well, it just makes it more difficult, too, the breathing exercises.

01:39:29.000 But if I do it right, I can get into this kind of crazy trance where I don't realize how much time has passed because all I'm thinking about is the breathing.

01:39:37.000 So all I'm thinking about is big, long, deep breath in, big, long, deep breath out.

01:39:42.000 And I read this book called Breathe by James Nestor.

01:39:46.000 It's a really good book.

01:39:48.000 Interesting, interesting book on the history of Breathing exercises.

01:39:52.000 Then I had him on the podcast and talked to him about it.

01:39:55.000 It was a bunch of different styles of breath exercises and all the different benefits and where these things have emanated from.

01:40:04.000 But all these different things that people have shown that they can do with their body from breathing exercises massively boost your immune system.

01:40:12.000 Have you done, like, a breathwork class before?

01:40:14.000 No.

01:40:14.000 Oh, it's crazy.

01:40:15.000 Your hands get, like, clamped like a crab or a lobster or something?

01:40:20.000 Yeah.

01:40:21.000 Because you're, like, so out of control of your body when you're doing it.

01:40:24.000 What kind of class did you do?

01:40:26.000 I don't know if there was, like, a name for it.

01:40:29.000 It was just, like, a guided breathwork class.

01:40:31.000 So the guy's, like, explaining, like, the rhythm to breathe in and, like, how fast or slow to go.

01:40:36.000 It was a while ago, but it was, like...

01:40:38.000 Maybe eight seconds of deep breathing in and then eight out.

01:40:44.000 And then I think it changes throughout the class.

01:40:47.000 But I have such a hard time letting go that I'm just thinking about it.

01:40:52.000 I'm like, don't cry.

01:40:52.000 Because sometimes people cry because it's so powerful.

01:40:55.000 And I can easily shut off and be like, don't fucking cry. 0.98

01:40:59.000 Why do you not want to cry? 0.99

01:41:00.000 I don't know.

01:41:01.000 I'm afraid of my emotions.

01:41:03.000 Really?

01:41:04.000 Yeah.

01:41:04.000 Was it you were afraid to cry around people or do you cry when no one's around?

01:41:08.000 Oh, I love crying when no one's around. 1.00

01:41:10.000 Just thinking of all the fucked up shit and playing a story of why I'm so awful. 1.00

01:41:17.000 Really? 1.00

01:41:17.000 Every once in a while, yeah, I like to just really shed it and let it go. 1.00

01:41:21.000 So do you think you build it up and then you have to just open the bag?

01:41:24.000 Yeah.

01:41:25.000 It was so funny.

01:41:27.000 Last time I did the podcast, someone said, Allie looks like she's always holding back tears. 0.91

01:41:32.000 She talks like she's trying not to cry.

01:41:34.000 You mean the random comment on YouTube?

01:41:36.000 Is that what you're talking about?

01:41:37.000 I wasn't reading them.

01:41:38.000 It was one of the top comments.

01:41:40.000 It was upvoted.

01:41:41.000 This person's comment was very successful.

01:41:42.000 It was just at the top.

01:41:44.000 I wasn't doing a deep dive.

01:41:46.000 Only the greatest hit comments.

01:41:48.000 Do you read your comments on Instagram and Twitter or anything like that?

01:41:51.000 Yeah, but not like...

01:41:53.000 I'll just skim through.

01:41:55.000 It's not something where I'm like, I need to check the comments.

01:41:58.000 Yeah.

01:41:59.000 Because you've said it a bunch.

01:42:01.000 What's the point?

01:42:02.000 Michael Jordan's not reading.

01:42:06.000 The comments.

01:42:07.000 I said he's not writing them.

01:42:08.000 Writing them?

01:42:09.000 Yeah.

01:42:10.000 But he's also not reading them probably either.

01:42:11.000 He's probably not reading them either. 0.98

01:42:12.000 But the kind of people that write them generally don't have their shit together. 0.99

01:42:17.000 The people that, like, are shitting on you in particular and, like, want to make you feel bad. 1.00

01:42:21.000 Look at the fucking alley with her frumpy, shitty clothes. 1.00

01:42:24.000 Why don't you dress nicer? 1.00

01:42:26.000 Like, who is that guy?

01:42:27.000 You know? 1.00

01:42:28.000 Some idiot. 1.00

01:42:29.000 But meanwhile, you're absorbing his stupid, idiot thoughts and you're taking him into your head. 1.00

01:42:33.000 And then I'm crying about it. 1.00

01:42:35.000 He doesn't even want his thoughts.

01:42:36.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:42:36.000 Like, if he had to listen to himself, he'd be like, shut the fuck up. 1.00

01:42:38.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:42:39.000 But, unfortunately, he doesn't have any discipline.

01:42:41.000 So he's trapped. 1.00

01:42:42.000 He's trapped in his own shitty mind. 1.00

01:42:45.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:42:45.000 But you can let that person into your head, and it's like eating bad food. 1.00

01:42:48.000 Like, all of a sudden, you've been poisoned, and you have gas.

01:42:51.000 Like, ugh.

01:42:52.000 Yeah, that's why I don't do it that much anymore because I'm allowed to be my own critic.

01:43:00.000 That's good.

01:43:01.000 I know what I want to improve.

01:43:02.000 I know what my weaknesses are.

01:43:05.000 I only take advice from people I look up to, like you, Santina.

01:43:10.000 If I'm ever questioning myself or whatever I'm doing, I'm like, there's people I turn to who know...

01:43:19.000 There's people that you go to for what you need.

01:43:22.000 You're colleagues.

01:43:23.000 Yes.

01:43:23.000 We're colleagues, Allie.

01:43:25.000 Yeah.

01:43:25.000 Well, I think you're self-critical.

01:43:28.000 I mean, I've talked to you about your act before and you're a person that goes over it and thinks about it.

01:43:32.000 You have a set that you don't like or something's wrong.

01:43:35.000 You're not delusional.

01:43:36.000 And the people that are delusional, they just don't get better.

01:43:39.000 Yeah.

01:43:40.000 If you protect yourself from that pain, you don't grow.

01:43:43.000 We all know people like that, right?

01:43:45.000 Totally.

01:43:46.000 And I think that's the hard thing about comedy is it can be...

01:43:51.000 The good times can be so fleeting when you have a good set.

01:43:55.000 You know, you're on this high and it's such a high high that you're like, this is awesome.

01:44:00.000 Like, I feel like a rock star.

01:44:01.000 I'm doing it.

01:44:02.000 I'm in it. 0.97

01:44:02.000 And then you have a shitty set. 0.97

01:44:04.000 You don't like your material that night, whatever. 1.00

01:44:06.000 And you're just like, I'm garbage. 0.95

01:44:08.000 How did I even get here? 0.98

01:44:10.000 Like, what am I doing?

01:44:11.000 How did this happen?

01:44:13.000 And then that feels like it goes on forever.

01:44:16.000 But it's figuring out the ways and the tools of getting out of that.

01:44:20.000 It's like, okay, well, maybe I can review my set earlier in the day and kind of just have a good day and put that to the side so I'm not hyper-focused on that and overthinking the material and letting it become rigid or something.

01:44:35.000 So just kind of figuring out what works best for me and what makes me the most loose but polished at the same time.

01:44:43.000 Because sometimes I'll be on stage and I'm like, am I doing a guided meditation right now?

01:44:48.000 I feel like I'm listening to myself speak and that's the dangerous area for me is when I'm not present and in the moment of that because I was overthinking my entire set the whole day out of nerves or fear.

01:44:59.000 And the audience can recognize that too.

01:45:01.000 100%.

01:45:01.000 They feel it.

01:45:02.000 They smell it.

01:45:03.000 Totally.

01:45:03.000 When you're not there.

01:45:04.000 Yeah.

01:45:05.000 Yeah, it's weird.

01:45:06.000 Yeah.

01:45:07.000 It's a strange art form, and no one really can tell you what to do.

01:45:12.000 They can kind of tell you, I like how you did it last time, or most of the time when you do this, it's like that, but this time you did it this way, and it's better.

01:45:22.000 But, you know, the way you do it is going to be different than the way Santino does it, or different than the way Diaz does it.

01:45:28.000 Everybody's got a, you know, Ali Wong's got her own thing. 1.00

01:45:31.000 Everybody's got their own thing.

01:45:32.000 It's like there's no...

01:45:34.000 There's no hard, fast rules, other than economy of words.

01:45:38.000 That's pretty universal, but not even totally.

01:45:41.000 And it's very trial and error, you know?

01:45:45.000 Like, bands don't go on stage and like, we're gonna just test out this new song.

01:45:50.000 We've never done it before, just gonna try it out. 0.81

01:45:53.000 Well, the thing is about, like, trying something out, like, I've tried something out and had it go fucking nowhere.

01:45:59.000 And you're like, Jesus Christ, I've been doing comedy forever, and I still do this?

01:46:02.000 And then I've tried something out out of nowhere, and boom! 0.99

01:46:05.000 It gets this huge fucking roar. 0.80

01:46:09.000 Like, I did this bit the other day that just, I came up with it basically over the last, like, Couple of days and it was the first time I'd ever done it on stage and it crushed. 0.96

01:46:19.000 It's the best feeling.

01:46:20.000 And Tony grabbed me afterwards.

01:46:21.000 He goes, dude, that was one of the funniest things I've ever heard you say.

01:46:24.000 Like, where's that from?

01:46:25.000 I'm like, it's totally new.

01:46:26.000 He's like, oh my god.

01:46:28.000 Because everyone knows what that feeling's like when you have a totally new bit.

01:46:32.000 It's totally new and it's killing.

01:46:33.000 You're like, ah.

01:46:34.000 The worst is when you do a brand new bit and it works.

01:46:37.000 It kills the first time you do it and you're like, I got a new bit.

01:46:40.000 Oh, the second time it's like bombing.

01:46:42.000 You're like, how?

01:46:43.000 What's the difference?

01:46:45.000 Did you record?

01:46:46.000 Yeah.

01:46:47.000 Yeah, that's the difference.

01:46:48.000 You gotta listen to the recording and figure out what did I do wrong?

01:46:51.000 What did I do right?

01:46:52.000 I always audio record.

01:46:54.000 I want to start just filming my set so I can visually see it too.

01:46:58.000 Mmm, that's better.

01:46:59.000 Yeah.

01:47:00.000 Damon Wayans has recorded on video all of his sets since the 90s.

01:47:04.000 Jesus!

01:47:05.000 Yep.

01:47:06.000 He shows up at the improv, he has a tripod and a camera, sets up, films it, and then he goes home, stores it, and edits it. 0.99

01:47:16.000 So he watches all his shit, stores it, and edits it. 0.99

01:47:19.000 Wow. 1.00

01:47:20.000 Amazing.

01:47:21.000 Can't wait for that movie.

01:47:23.000 What movie?

01:47:24.000 The movie of all of his sets over time and his career and life story.

01:47:28.000 Well, I don't even know if he does specials anymore.

01:47:31.000 I don't think he's done a special in a long time.

01:47:33.000 Did you see Kid 90s?

01:47:35.000 Is that what it's called?

01:47:37.000 I don't know.

01:47:38.000 What's that?

01:47:38.000 I think it's on Hulu.

01:47:40.000 The girl who played Punky Brewster.

01:47:42.000 What's her name?

01:47:43.000 She has a crazy cool name. 1.00

01:47:45.000 Malik Bolum.

01:47:47.000 Soleil Moonfry.

01:47:48.000 Oh, yeah.

01:47:49.000 Soleil Moonfry.

01:47:50.000 She filmed everything on VHS after being Punky Brewster.

01:47:56.000 And so it's just kind of her life story told from all these old VHSs that she recorded growing up.

01:48:02.000 So she stopped all acting, right?

01:48:04.000 She tried to act, but it was hard to get out of the image of the young, punky Brewster.

01:48:09.000 But now, she's not doing it anymore, right?

01:48:12.000 Yeah, I don't think so.

01:48:13.000 Is that Marky Mark? 0.99

01:48:16.000 Damn. 0.98

01:48:18.000 Yeah, but it was so interesting because she was in the crowd of all these stars from that time, like Leo DiCaprio, young Leo in these videos. 0.99

01:48:28.000 Wow.

01:48:29.000 Look at them all.

01:48:30.000 They're little kids.

01:48:31.000 Yeah.

01:48:32.000 Jesus Christ, they look like little kids. 0.82

01:48:34.000 It was really cool.

01:48:35.000 Is that Matt Damon looking like a little kid in that picture you just had up?

01:48:38.000 This one?

01:48:39.000 The one you just had, yeah.

01:48:40.000 That's Brian Austin Green, I think.

01:48:41.000 Who's the one in the middle?

01:48:44.000 Not Matt Damon, but...

01:48:45.000 Looks like it.

01:48:46.000 Look at that little kid Matt Damon.

01:48:47.000 Yeah.

01:48:48.000 Who is that little kid?

01:48:49.000 It looks maybe Stephen Dorff.

01:48:51.000 Anyway.

01:48:52.000 Yeah.

01:48:52.000 That's a weird road.

01:48:55.000 Like, we were talking before the podcast about the one I did with Demi Lovato and Miley Cyrus.

01:49:00.000 That world of being famous when you're a kid.

01:49:03.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:49:03.000 Fuck that. 1.00

01:49:05.000 That's crazy. 1.00

01:49:06.000 It's hard.

01:49:07.000 It's so weird.

01:49:08.000 And because it's all publicized, you watch them as they grow and they don't get to figure themselves out on their own.

01:49:16.000 Did I ever tell you I used to be on the radio?

01:49:18.000 The radio?

01:49:19.000 Yeah.

01:49:20.000 I've told you this before.

01:49:21.000 In another life?

01:49:22.000 No, when I was like seven years old.

01:49:24.000 I was on Kiss FM. Did you tell me this?

01:49:27.000 I have.

01:49:28.000 Really?

01:49:28.000 Yeah, Ryan Seacrest is the host of it.

01:49:30.000 Did I block it out?

01:49:30.000 Probably, yeah.

01:49:31.000 Why did I not remember that?

01:49:32.000 I don't know.

01:49:33.000 Was it good?

01:49:34.000 Yeah, I mean, I had a job working as a radio personality for like four years from third grade until sixth grade.

01:49:42.000 Yeah, making prank phone calls.

01:49:46.000 No, I don't think you told me this.

01:49:47.000 I've told you.

01:49:48.000 Did you tell me on the air?

01:49:49.000 No.

01:49:50.000 You told me in real life.

01:49:50.000 I told you in real life.

01:49:51.000 I don't know if you did.

01:49:53.000 I don't remember.

01:49:54.000 Do you remember this?

01:49:55.000 I've heard her talk about it before.

01:49:58.000 I know.

01:49:58.000 But I was like a mini...

01:49:59.000 I was like a little mini celebrity in my hometown.

01:50:02.000 You know, like my dad would...

01:50:03.000 I remember one time he had to get a rental car and they were going to give him like, you know, a Toyota or something.

01:50:09.000 And he's like, do you listen to Kiss FM? Do you know Lil Alley?

01:50:11.000 It's my daughter.

01:50:12.000 Can I get a convertible?

01:50:13.000 Pick me up from school in a new...

01:50:15.000 like a nicer rental car or something.

01:50:17.000 Wow.

01:50:18.000 Yeah.

01:50:18.000 But, I mean, even that was hard and that was like nothing.

01:50:21.000 How the fuck did that happen? 0.92

01:50:22.000 I called in randomly. 0.99

01:50:23.000 My sisters listened to Kiss FM. When we would get ready for school, we'd listen to it.

01:50:28.000 You were seven?

01:50:28.000 I was seven.

01:50:29.000 No one's watching you?

01:50:30.000 My dad was home.

01:50:32.000 My dad was home and my sisters were home.

01:50:34.000 Probably, yeah.

01:50:34.000 And you just grabbed the phone and started dialing numbers?

01:50:36.000 I asked my sister.

01:50:37.000 I said, I want to call into the radio station.

01:50:39.000 I want to request a song or something.

01:50:41.000 And my sister's like, I'm not giving you the number.

01:50:44.000 You're going to embarrass me.

01:50:45.000 All my friends listen to this station.

01:50:48.000 And so she tries calling in.

01:50:49.000 She doesn't get through.

01:50:50.000 My dad takes her to school.

01:50:51.000 Me and my other sister are at home.

01:50:53.000 I press redial on the phone.

01:50:55.000 And I immediately get through and now I'm panicking.

01:50:57.000 I don't know what to say.

01:50:58.000 And I'm like, can I get Britney Spears tickets?

01:51:01.000 Talking to Ryan Seacrest.

01:51:02.000 And he's like, can you sing a Britney Spears song?

01:51:04.000 So I'm like seven years old singing Toxic by Britney Spears.

01:51:08.000 Just being like, the taste of your lips, I'm on a ride.

01:51:11.000 And after I sing this song, he's like, oh, we don't have Britney Spears tickets, but we have American Idol tickets.

01:51:18.000 And I was like, I'll only go if they're VIP. Is that what you said?

01:51:22.000 Yeah.

01:51:22.000 And then we're just having a conversation back and forth.

01:51:24.000 He's like, where are your parents?

01:51:25.000 I'm like, I don't know.

01:51:27.000 Dad's out.

01:51:28.000 It's like 7 in the morning.

01:51:30.000 And so then I ended up getting a job making prank phone calls for them.

01:51:33.000 How did it end?

01:51:34.000 It ended with me not being little anymore.

01:51:37.000 They didn't like you anymore?

01:51:38.000 No, I was too old.

01:51:39.000 I was like 12. Is that really what happened?

01:51:43.000 Yeah, so I had a contract that would like, you know, expired and then they wanted to renew it, but in a different way and sign on to Ryan's production company.

01:51:53.000 Oh, he wanted to pimp you out?

01:51:55.000 Yeah.

01:51:56.000 Whoa.

01:51:56.000 Did he want a piece of you?

01:51:58.000 Yeah.

01:51:58.000 Really?

01:51:59.000 Yeah.

01:51:59.000 What kind of piece?

01:52:00.000 I think they want like 20%.

01:52:01.000 Of everything you do?

01:52:02.000 Uh-huh.

01:52:02.000 From there on out?

01:52:03.000 I think so.

01:52:04.000 Whoa.

01:52:05.000 And my dad was like, that's too much.

01:52:08.000 And so we didn't end up doing it. 0.99

01:52:11.000 Imagine if your stand-up career took off, you'd be Ryan Seacrest's bitch. 1.00

01:52:16.000 So for the rest of your career, if you'd sign that, it might be for life. 0.98

01:52:20.000 Yeah, but...

01:52:21.000 I don't think it would have been for life.

01:52:23.000 Forever.

01:52:24.000 He produced a Kardashian show.

01:52:25.000 Forever and ever and ever.

01:52:26.000 I always tell my dad we could have been the Makovskys, keeping up with the Makovskys. 1.00

01:52:29.000 Yeah, he fucked up, Dad. 0.98

01:52:31.000 No, but I'm so grateful because, I mean, I don't know if anything would have come of that or anything, but I'm glad I got to eat lunch in the bathroom alone in high school and have all of those... 0.99

01:52:43.000 Awkward moments.

01:52:44.000 Weird, awkward, uncomfortable moments.

01:52:46.000 Isn't that funny that at the time you think of them as being the worst thing ever and then later on you realize there's kind of a gift in some of that weird angst?

01:52:54.000 Yeah.

01:52:55.000 Especially as an artist, as someone who creates things, to be able to pull from those uncomfortable moments.

01:53:01.000 I was just looking over one of my like earliest sets like one of my first things that I typed up for my first open mic and it was so sad everything ends like my punchline for every joke is like that's because I'm pathetic that's because I'm a loser and I was like what a dark place to be in or that's like my best punchline for a joke well when you started doing kill tony how long have you been doing comedy I think I was maybe like a year in,

01:53:30.000 give or take.

01:53:31.000 But once I started, I wasn't 21, so I ended up having to wait like six more months until I could perform at the comedy store.

01:53:39.000 Right.

01:53:39.000 Because I had gotten kicked out for not being of age.

01:53:42.000 And so once I was back in, then I started doing it.

01:53:45.000 But I think it had been like maybe a year into stand-up.

01:53:48.000 The Comedy Store is a place where you can only perform if you're 21, but when I was a kid, you could perform when you were 18, but you couldn't drink until you're 21. I didn't know, though.

01:53:59.000 I didn't perform until I was 21, because I thought you had to wait.

01:54:02.000 So I waited until just a little bit after my birthday.

01:54:05.000 I was there on my 21st at midnight.

01:54:08.000 Really?

01:54:09.000 And Red Band gave me $21 because it was my 21st birthday.

01:54:12.000 And I was like, I'm going to keep coming here on my birthday.

01:54:15.000 I'm making a little cash grab out of this.

01:54:17.000 So every year, you're like, next year I got $22 in the bank.

01:54:20.000 Yeah, I'm like, September 8th, be at the store, Brian.

01:54:23.000 But you started when you were how old, though?

01:54:25.000 What was the first time you were on stage?

01:54:27.000 I think my first time on stage was when I was 18, maybe 17. I went to the Laugh Factory.

01:54:36.000 So you don't care at the Laugh Factory. 1.00

01:54:37.000 They don't give a fuck. 1.00

01:54:38.000 You could be two years old. 1.00

01:54:39.000 Totally.

01:54:40.000 And Jamie will try to manage you.

01:54:42.000 Yeah.

01:54:42.000 Well, it's funny because I had been sneaking into the Laugh Factory using my sister's ID to get in.

01:54:49.000 And I would watch all the shows there.

01:54:51.000 And I wanted to do stand-up.

01:54:55.000 And I asked...

01:54:56.000 Dane Cook was there one night.

01:54:57.000 And I asked him after one of my shows.

01:54:59.000 I was like, I want to do stand-up, but I'm 17. I don't know if I'm allowed to.

01:55:04.000 And he was like, you can do it.

01:55:05.000 And he was like, Jamie, she's 17. Can she do the open mic?

01:55:08.000 And Jamie's like, how the fuck are you inside this club? 0.98

01:55:10.000 And I was like, I don't know. 0.99

01:55:11.000 I'm actually 18, maybe.

01:55:13.000 And so then I went home and I wrote that first set and I signed up the next week.

01:55:19.000 I was too late to the sign up, so I had to sign up the next week. 0.99

01:55:22.000 So I guess my first open mic- But he said, how the fuck are you in the club? 0.99

01:55:24.000 Yeah. 0.98

01:55:25.000 And then he didn't recognize you when you came to the club again?

01:55:27.000 He wasn't there for the open mic, but he said if you're underage, you can do the open mic because it's during the day.

01:55:32.000 It's like 2 p.m.

01:55:32.000 on a Tuesday or something.

01:55:34.000 Is it really?

01:55:34.000 Yeah.

01:55:35.000 What kind of crowd do they have?

01:55:38.000 It's tourists who are going there to sign up for open mics.

01:55:43.000 That was how it was when I was there.

01:55:45.000 I don't know if it's...

01:55:45.000 Well, they always have the weird thing where they made everybody line up around the corner and wait all day.

01:55:50.000 And everyone's just driving by like, who are these?

01:55:52.000 Yeah.

01:55:53.000 That was a weird strategy of making people line up and you had to keep your place in line.

01:55:58.000 So if you wanted it, you had to stay out there all day long.

01:56:01.000 What time did the lineup start?

01:56:03.000 I think the lineup started at, no, it started at like 2pm.

01:56:06.000 Oh, okay.

01:56:07.000 So it's like, it's everyone who doesn't have a job is signing up for this open mic.

01:56:11.000 And then you're signing up for the next week, right?

01:56:14.000 Which starts at like 6pm or something like that, maybe 5pm.

01:56:18.000 But you're not signing up for the same week, right?

01:56:19.000 No, you're signing up for the following week.

01:56:21.000 So the first time I got there just to sign up to perform the following week, I got there like an hour early and there were already 16 people in line and they only take like the first 15. Really?

01:56:31.000 So then the next time I got there, I got there like three hours early, packed a lunch just in case.

01:56:36.000 And then I did my first open mic.

01:56:38.000 But I didn't do it again for like a year and a half after that.

01:56:41.000 What made you decide you wanted to be a comic?

01:56:45.000 Um...

01:56:46.000 Did you have a comic that you admired?

01:56:49.000 I looked up to Dane Cook.

01:56:54.000 My sister would pick me up from school in fifth grade and she would be playing his albums. 0.99

01:56:59.000 It was the funniest shit I had ever heard. 0.99

01:57:03.000 It was jokes that I would quote. 0.99

01:57:04.000 I was like, that's so cool that someone could tell jokes that people just say in day-to-day life.

01:57:12.000 How old were you at this time?

01:57:14.000 Fifth grade, so like maybe 10. Yeah.

01:57:18.000 And then when I was in high school, I would go to the Laugh Factory all the time and I looked up to D'Elia and I would watch him perform all the time.

01:57:26.000 And I remember I was going there so often that Dom Herrera was like, are you stalking me?

01:57:31.000 While he's on stage, he's like, are you stalking me?

01:57:33.000 And I was like, I just want to be you, Dom.

01:57:37.000 And so I think I just knew.

01:57:39.000 I was so naive that one day I was at the Laugh Factory and they were doing a new material night.

01:57:44.000 And I was like, these people aren't just coming up with this off the cuff.

01:57:48.000 They're writing and working on it.

01:57:49.000 That means that if I write and work on it, then I can do it.

01:57:53.000 And so that's when I went up to Dane Cook after a show and was like, how do I do this?

01:57:59.000 Wow.

01:57:59.000 And he was really nice about it.

01:58:01.000 So it was eight years ago then.

01:58:03.000 Uh, yeah.

01:58:04.000 Yeah, eight years ago I did my very first open mic.

01:58:07.000 Oh.

01:58:09.000 Yeah.

01:58:10.000 And did you know immediately after you did it, this is what I want to do?

01:58:14.000 Oh, yeah.

01:58:15.000 Did you get any laughs?

01:58:16.000 Yeah.

01:58:16.000 Did you?

01:58:17.000 I have the video on my computer.

01:58:18.000 Do you remember your first joke?

01:58:20.000 Yep.

01:58:22.000 I'm not going to say it.

01:58:24.000 I am not going to say it.

01:58:26.000 You don't have to.

01:58:27.000 But it was bad, but I think I told the jokes in a way that was confident.

01:58:32.000 Well, no, actually it wasn't.

01:58:34.000 No, I take that all back.

01:58:35.000 I was shaking on stage so bad.

01:58:38.000 Was it the first time you'd ever done anything scary like that?

01:58:40.000 Yeah, the first time I really put myself out there in that way.

01:58:45.000 But you did the radio.

01:58:47.000 But that was pre-recorded.

01:58:50.000 I was in a studio.

01:58:51.000 I would show up.

01:58:52.000 They're telling me who I'm calling, what the point of the phone call is.

01:58:56.000 It felt like a controlled environment.

01:58:58.000 If a call didn't work out, they scrapped the call, we'd call another place.

01:59:01.000 Seriously though, imagine if you did become successful and you had to give Ryan Seacrest 20% forever.

01:59:07.000 It just sits with you.

01:59:09.000 I don't know what that would have looked like.

01:59:11.000 Hell.

01:59:12.000 Yeah. 0.97

01:59:12.000 You'd be pimped out forever. 0.97

01:59:15.000 He'd be calling you.

01:59:16.000 You know, I got a lot of people that I'm getting 20% from, Allie, but I'm not getting much from you.

01:59:21.000 Let's see some movement.

01:59:22.000 Sorry, Ryan.

01:59:23.000 Sorry, Ryan.

01:59:24.000 Come on, get to work.

01:59:25.000 Yeah, that would have been awful.

01:59:26.000 That would have been so much stress.

01:59:27.000 But he does that.

01:59:28.000 He did it with the Kardashians, right?

01:59:30.000 He produced the show.

01:59:32.000 I think he made some sort of weird deal where he gets a percentage of them.

01:59:35.000 Oh, I bet.

01:59:36.000 Gets a piece of the action.

01:59:37.000 I bet.

01:59:38.000 But they're bringing in a lot of money.

01:59:39.000 Oh, a spectacular amount of money.

01:59:43.000 Oh yeah.

01:59:44.000 But they're not going to do it anymore, apparently.

01:59:45.000 I think people were upset about that because they made it seem like they were done with it, but I believe they are still producing a show but on a different network.

01:59:57.000 Oh.

01:59:57.000 So many.

01:59:58.000 20 seasons of it.

02:00:00.000 Jesus.

02:00:01.000 So do you think they probably want to cut Ryan Seacrest out? 1.00

02:00:04.000 Probably get tired of this shit. 1.00

02:00:05.000 Maybe. 1.00

02:00:05.000 They can have their own streaming app probably, right? 1.00

02:00:07.000 Something like that.

02:00:08.000 Oh, if they did that?

02:00:09.000 Jesus Christ.

02:00:11.000 If they just did some OnlyFans type deal.

02:00:13.000 Yeah, I mean...

02:00:14.000 Or Patreon.

02:00:15.000 Yeah.

02:00:18.000 A lot of people went the Patreon route.

02:00:20.000 People make big money on that.

02:00:22.000 Oh, yeah.

02:00:23.000 Tim Dillon's making like 100K a month on that.

02:00:26.000 Why are you writing him out?

02:00:27.000 It says it on his profile if you just look at it.

02:00:29.000 Yeah, it's public.

02:00:30.000 Tim's balling.

02:00:31.000 I know.

02:00:32.000 He's balling out of control.

02:00:33.000 He moved to Texas.

02:00:34.000 He's out here?

02:00:34.000 Oh, yeah.

02:00:35.000 Nice.

02:00:35.000 You knew it, right?

02:00:36.000 Everyone's out here.

02:00:37.000 A lot of people are out here.

02:00:39.000 Segura moved out here.

02:00:41.000 They're officially moved.

02:00:42.000 But they're still in LA right now.

02:00:45.000 To the end of the month.

02:00:45.000 Yeah.

02:00:46.000 Woo! 0.99

02:00:48.000 It's exciting.

02:00:49.000 Woo! 0.99

02:00:49.000 All your friends. 0.99

02:00:50.000 Everybody.

02:00:51.000 Joey Diaz is not, though.

02:00:52.000 He's in New Jersey eating pizza.

02:00:54.000 He likes Jersey.

02:00:55.000 Yeah.

02:00:56.000 Yeah.

02:00:56.000 I don't know.

02:00:57.000 I guess that's the thing.

02:00:59.000 People realize they can kind of be anywhere now.

02:01:02.000 To some extent.

02:01:04.000 You can to some extent.

02:01:05.000 Joey was not a Hollywood guy.

02:01:08.000 And once he became successful with his podcast and stand-up, he does not like that acting world of dealing with...

02:01:17.000 You know, people that are...

02:01:19.000 Let's just be kind and say disingenuous.

02:01:22.000 You know, he would get so angry. 1.00

02:01:24.000 He fucking hated them. 1.00

02:01:25.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:01:25.000 He would get so mad. 1.00

02:01:26.000 These fucking actors. 1.00

02:01:27.000 He would just get so furious. 1.00

02:01:29.000 Because he's just like, you know, this former criminal.

02:01:33.000 He's an ex-con, you know? 0.90

02:01:34.000 He's a felon. 0.84

02:01:35.000 It's like his... 0.83

02:01:36.000 Can't relate to the pretty boys and girls acting. 1.00

02:01:38.000 You can't relate to bullshit. 1.00

02:01:39.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:01:40.000 It's not pretty. 0.99

02:01:41.000 It's just bullshitters. 0.98

02:01:43.000 Mm-hmm. 0.99

02:01:43.000 You know? 0.99

02:01:45.000 It's just a weird environment, you know?

02:01:48.000 Do you know if he's doing shows out there or if he's laying low right now?

02:01:51.000 Yeah, he's been doing shows.

02:01:52.000 How often are you able to get up out here?

02:01:54.000 As much as I want.

02:01:55.000 During the Chappelle shows, we're doing quite a few.

02:01:58.000 I do regular shows in town here.

02:02:00.000 Yeah.

02:02:02.000 But right now, I'm busy trying to get the club up and running.

02:02:06.000 And once the club gets up and running, once all the pieces are in place, you know, it's quite a project, the idea of starting a comedy club.

02:02:15.000 Yeah, that seems like a lot of work.

02:02:19.000 It does seem like a lot of work, but it also seems exciting, right?

02:02:23.000 Because it's like something where you're starting it from the ground up.

02:02:26.000 So it's this completely new thing, and it can kind of go a lot of different ways, and a lot of different things can happen.

02:02:34.000 And it's like new things, completely new things where you don't know what's going to happen one way or the other.

02:02:43.000 Those things are very exciting.

02:02:45.000 It's scary, but it's exciting.

02:02:48.000 Are there different rooms in there, or is it one main?

02:02:50.000 Can't even talk about it.

02:02:52.000 Oh, I like that.

02:02:53.000 Yeah, because some incorrect information is leaked out, but there's a confidentiality agreement in place until everything's Mom's the word.

02:03:03.000 Well, I'm excited to see...

02:03:05.000 It's so crazy that you're doing this and to get to see it all unfold and looking back five years from now and seeing what comes.

02:03:20.000 Yeah, I think it can be awesome because the goal is to do it the right way and just to make it an awesome place for people to work and an awesome place for people to see comedy.

02:03:30.000 So make it as fun and as comfortable for the comics as possible, as welcoming to the comics as possible.

02:03:37.000 You know, I want to set up a restaurant there so people can, like comics can eat there too.

02:03:42.000 Yeah.

02:03:43.000 Good food because comics are all unhealthy.

02:03:44.000 Kind of like a comedy cellar vibe.

02:03:46.000 I don't know.

02:03:47.000 I haven't been in a cellar since the 90s.

02:03:48.000 But just something where it's like there's healthy food.

02:03:52.000 It's a warm, inviting environment.

02:03:55.000 So even if you're not, like say if you're working somewhere else, when your set's over, just come down.

02:04:00.000 Like people will be there hanging out.

02:04:02.000 It'll be fun.

02:04:03.000 There's going to be a whole comedian's bar, like the back bar of the store that I'm setting up.

02:04:09.000 I'm making it so that it's as welcoming and as fun for comics as possible.

02:04:15.000 And the whole idea is just to make it so that I can, as a service to comedians and to comedy.

02:04:23.000 Are you in a rush to get it done or are you just taking your time with it?

02:04:26.000 I want to do it right.

02:04:27.000 I mean, I don't want to take too long, but I want to do it right.

02:04:32.000 That's as much time as it takes to do it right.

02:04:34.000 But I just want to get it going, you know?

02:04:37.000 I just feel like I've just stopped and thought about all the things that I loved about the store and all the things I loved about other places and all the things that I wish that comedy clubs had.

02:04:47.000 And so I'm taking it from there.

02:04:50.000 And design it from the jump.

02:04:53.000 You've got to have a place where comics can chill and they don't get bombarded by people.

02:04:57.000 Because there's always weirdos who want to sit next to you and take pictures of you.

02:05:01.000 It just gets too weird sometimes.

02:05:03.000 Especially when you're preparing to do a show.

02:05:06.000 There's some clubs.

02:05:07.000 Here's a perfect example.

02:05:08.000 The hallway to the OR. It's an impossible place to be.

02:05:13.000 Impossible.

02:05:14.000 Everybody's talking out in the hallway, and if you have a set, there's always someone who wants to grab you and, hey, can I take a selfie?

02:05:20.000 Like, literally about to go on stage.

02:05:22.000 Yeah.

02:05:22.000 Or, you know...

02:05:24.000 And then you have to be like a dick right before you perform. 0.99

02:05:27.000 Because the bathrooms are right there. 0.99

02:05:28.000 You're standing in the hallway so the people are going down there.

02:05:31.000 And people can see you in the hallway and then they get up and they walk over.

02:05:35.000 Yeah.

02:05:36.000 And they don't care if you have your notes.

02:05:38.000 They don't care.

02:05:38.000 So you have to hide.

02:05:39.000 So you can either stand in that little waitress stand, which you're always in the way. 0.99

02:05:43.000 The waitresses are trying to go, excuse me, excuse me, I'm sorry.

02:05:46.000 You know, and then... 0.95

02:05:47.000 It's just that the way the OR is set up, the inside is fucking amazing. 0.94

02:05:52.000 It's one of the greatest inside clubs, but it's the worst setup of all time. 0.99

02:05:56.000 And then the waitresses have to go through all those fuckheads to get to the stage with the drinks and not have them spill. 1.00

02:06:03.000 So they have to come out of that back bar and then walk through the swinging doors and then go down the hall and then up the stairs. 0.99

02:06:11.000 It's ridiculous.

02:06:12.000 It's narrow. 0.99

02:06:13.000 And what's even worse? 1.00

02:06:14.000 The fucking belly room. 1.00

02:06:15.000 They have to hike it. 1.00

02:06:17.000 Up that crazy flight of stairs with drinks. 0.99

02:06:20.000 Those girls must have some fucking jack legs because they're walking up there with these stacks of drinks. 1.00

02:06:27.000 And then you have this insanely tight room where you're supposed to have 70 people, but you always have 100. Yeah, it's packed up. 0.99

02:06:33.000 Yeah, it's always ridiculous.

02:06:34.000 And so many people are standing.

02:06:35.000 In the back area, we used to do stand-up on the spot.

02:06:39.000 Everybody would be standing in the back because there was no more seats.

02:06:41.000 Because all the comics come up and they're just watching.

02:06:44.000 Right.

02:06:44.000 Yeah, so there's places, there's things about the store that I thought were perfect, and there's things that the store, like, this needs to be fixed.

02:06:51.000 Yeah.

02:06:52.000 So I'm going to apply that information.

02:06:55.000 That's cool.

02:06:55.000 But most important, make it as comic-friendly as possible.

02:07:00.000 Yeah.

02:07:00.000 Make it so they feel like this is home.

02:07:03.000 Home.

02:07:03.000 Like they feel comfortable there.

02:07:05.000 Because it's so special.

02:07:05.000 Once you find that in a club, it's like you have better sets because you feel comfortable, you're relaxed, you know the people there, you know how you're going to be treated when you get there.

02:07:16.000 And then you can just be let loose on stage.

02:07:18.000 There's nothing to think about in terms of like...

02:07:21.000 Exactly.

02:07:22.000 Yeah.

02:07:24.000 That's the goal.

02:07:25.000 Yeah.

02:07:26.000 Well, you know, if there was a place like that already here, I wouldn't have to open up a place.

02:07:31.000 It'd be awesome.

02:07:31.000 But right now there's, you know, smaller places that are trying to kind of getting together and figuring it out.

02:07:38.000 But the scene here is tight.

02:07:39.000 It's strong.

02:07:41.000 And it feels good.

02:07:42.000 And because all these people are moving here, it's got a lot of energy to it.

02:07:45.000 It feels like it's very energized.

02:07:47.000 Yeah, it's very exciting.

02:07:48.000 Like, walking around.

02:07:49.000 I went to Vulcan, the Creek in the Cave, and Paramount Theater, and just walking around the city is just really fun.

02:07:58.000 Yeah.

02:07:58.000 Everyone's fired up.

02:08:00.000 Yeah, it's whenever something new is happening, you know, and there's like this exodus to Austin.

02:08:09.000 Texodus.

02:08:10.000 Yeah.

02:08:11.000 That's what I heard.

02:08:12.000 Someone said Texodus.

02:08:13.000 That's a good name.

02:08:14.000 That's what it's like, though.

02:08:16.000 And because of that, just things are stimulated.

02:08:19.000 There's like a feeling in the air of newness, of novelty.

02:08:23.000 Like, wow.

02:08:24.000 Because you don't usually get a chance to be at something where something is really happening right now.

02:08:29.000 Mm-hmm. 0.96

02:08:30.000 And because of COVID, everything was kind of forced to happen, you know, especially with Los Angeles still hasn't opened up comedy clubs, which is fucking crazy.

02:08:39.000 I don't know what's going to happen June 15th, but apparently they're going to open up a lot of things.

02:08:43.000 But I don't know what that means.

02:08:45.000 But I think at a very limited capacity.

02:08:47.000 Is that what it is?

02:08:47.000 I think so.

02:08:48.000 I don't think that's what they're saying.

02:08:50.000 I thought they said like 15 or 20% capacity.

02:08:53.000 June 15th?

02:08:54.000 But, oh...

02:08:55.000 No, I don't think so.

02:08:56.000 I think June 15th, what California is basically saying is they're going to open everything up on June 15th.

02:09:02.000 Because that's quite a while from now.

02:09:04.000 It's two months.

02:09:05.000 I think the idea is that everybody will either be vaccinated or dead or starve to death.

02:09:12.000 And then they'll figure out a way to open it up.

02:09:15.000 It's not funny.

02:09:16.000 Don't laugh.

02:09:17.000 Don't laugh at death.

02:09:21.000 Yeah.

02:09:21.000 I don't know.

02:09:22.000 And it's also, he's getting recalled.

02:09:24.000 I mean, you want to be cynical.

02:09:25.000 The governor's getting recalled.

02:09:26.000 What does that mean?

02:09:27.000 They're going to have another election.

02:09:28.000 Oh, yeah.

02:09:29.000 They're going to try to get him out of office.

02:09:30.000 So because of that, I'm sure that had a motivation to get him to do things quicker.

02:09:35.000 Yeah.

02:09:35.000 For sure.

02:09:35.000 But that's also, it's like he keeps going back and forth.

02:09:39.000 It's so hard to keep track.

02:09:40.000 That's why I'm like, oh, I think it's 20% because one time I read that it was and then it's going to be like 75%.

02:09:45.000 Imagine if the comedy store opened up and 200 armed cops were there like that, like that church. 0.99

02:09:51.000 That's the kind of shit you're dealing with with government. 0.99

02:09:53.000 Government is supposed to be people that are working for the community. 1.00

02:09:58.000 They're supposed to be working for people. 0.98

02:10:00.000 As soon as shit like that happens with that church, you realize like, oh, this is what happens when people think they're just allowed to tell people what to do and other people have to listen and it's mindless and the compliance is mindless. 0.99

02:10:12.000 That's what it is. 1.00

02:10:13.000 And they think they're doing it for a good reason.

02:10:14.000 See, the thing about COVID is it's like one of the best reasons.

02:10:17.000 Like you're putting other people at risk.

02:10:20.000 You're putting other people in danger. 1.00

02:10:21.000 So therefore, we're going to shoot you. 1.00

02:10:23.000 We're going to show up with 200 cops and fucking mace you. 1.00

02:10:28.000 It's just so weird. 0.99

02:10:29.000 It's such a weird year.

02:10:32.000 We had to rethink society.

02:10:35.000 And the vulnerability of our civilization has been exposed in a way that you would never think that something that...

02:10:46.000 It has a 99-point-whatever-percent survival rate would expose.

02:10:52.000 You would never believe...

02:10:53.000 I mean, what is the actual...

02:10:55.000 It's hard to tell.

02:10:56.000 I've heard it's like a one-tenth of one percent death rate, if you want to really be honest about it.

02:11:03.000 I don't know what it is.

02:11:04.000 But whatever it is, it's less than one percent of the people who get it die, and it just wrecked the entire country.

02:11:12.000 Yeah.

02:11:12.000 It's wild.

02:11:13.000 Yeah.

02:11:14.000 And I imagine something, don't you think something like this is likely to happen again at some point in the future?

02:11:21.000 Like, do you think that this event will help the way that we go about it again?

02:11:26.000 Or do you think it's one of those things where history repeats itself and no one will really learn?

02:11:31.000 We'll be better prepared.

02:11:32.000 There's two things that can happen.

02:11:33.000 You can be cynical.

02:11:34.000 Here's the cynical perspective.

02:11:36.000 The cynical perspective is that it becomes an incremental power grab. 0.96

02:11:42.000 So, like, there's a lot of things that happened after 9-11 where the government stepped in and started doing a lot of shit that they were never doing before. 0.89

02:11:52.000 Like the NSA wiretapping, where there's just... 0.97

02:12:11.000 There's a lot of shit going on that they... 0.85

02:12:15.000 It allows them to do a lot of things without needing warrants, without needing a lot of what they normally would have used before September 11th. 0.99

02:12:25.000 But because of the Patriot Act, then the Patriot Act II, they were allowed to do all this shit. 0.88

02:12:29.000 And the justification was, hey, we don't ever want a terrorist attack like that to happen again. 0.97

02:12:34.000 So then the TSA is in place, right? 0.98

02:12:36.000 And then the TSA is telling you, you know, you have to take your fucking shoes off because some dude tried to blow his shoes up. 0.95

02:12:42.000 And, you know, everyone's getting constantly checked and frisked and let me look in your bag and... 0.97

02:12:49.000 It's, yeah, I was watching the Snowden movie that Joseph Gordon-Levitt is in, and I was always kind of the person who's like, who cares if the government's looking at my phone?

02:13:00.000 Like, I've got nothing to hide.

02:13:02.000 And that movie kind of made me realize, like, it's not about that you have nothing to hide.

02:13:07.000 It's the fact that you should be able to Google whatever you want.

02:13:11.000 Yeah.

02:13:12.000 And not have anyone, like...

02:13:14.000 Privacy is important, even if you think you have nothing to hide.

02:13:17.000 It's like it can all be kind of used against you in some way or another.

02:13:22.000 And it can be used against you disingenuously.

02:13:23.000 Yeah.

02:13:24.000 Like, you could look up how to get rid of a body.

02:13:27.000 It doesn't mean you're a murderer.

02:13:28.000 I've looked it up.

02:13:29.000 I have to.

02:13:30.000 But if you're thinking around, like, how does one get rid of a body?

02:13:33.000 Hmm.

02:13:35.000 You just can't have people that have that kind of power over other people.

02:13:40.000 It's the same thing as those 200 cops showing up at the church.

02:13:43.000 Why are they doing that?

02:13:44.000 Because they haven't thought it through.

02:13:45.000 And that's what people do when they have power over people.

02:13:48.000 Did you see that cop that pulled over an officer in the army, a guy who was a lieutenant? 0.99

02:13:57.000 And was yelling at him, the guy was nothing but polite, wound up macing them, wound up macing him, macing the officer, pulled him out of the car, assaulted him, like fucking manhandled him for nothing, did nothing, maced his dog, his fucking dog got maced, and then had to let him go, 0.98

02:14:13.000 because the guy did nothing wrong. 0.99

02:14:15.000 And now they fired the cop.

02:14:16.000 But just imagine that this is happening where people aren't getting filmed, All across the country for years and years and years and years and years.

02:14:25.000 Why?

02:14:26.000 Because we've allowed people to have this unfettered power, this unstopped power, and some people are just terrible at that.

02:14:35.000 Now, if that guy got pulled over by a great cop, First of all, maybe a great cop would have never even pulled him over.

02:14:41.000 But if we got to see that, hello, sir, how are you doing this evening?

02:14:45.000 And the guy said, oh, I see you're in the service.

02:14:49.000 What rank are you?

02:14:49.000 I'm a lieutenant.

02:14:50.000 Thank you for your service.

02:14:51.000 And then all of a sudden they have this nice conversation.

02:14:53.000 Oh, I thought this was going on, but apparently I'm wrong.

02:14:57.000 Have a good day, sir.

02:14:58.000 And everybody's like, oh...

02:14:59.000 A cop experience can be friendly and positive.

02:15:02.000 Now that's a lot of the experiences that people have with police officers, but you never get to see those.

02:15:07.000 Because the ones that horrify people are the ones that go viral, like this one.

02:15:12.000 I think because you would expect the police to be looking out for you and be treating you in the way of that. 1.00

02:15:22.000 Those fucking cops. 1.00

02:15:23.000 So many cops have PTSD. They're all whacked out. 1.00

02:15:26.000 There's a giant percentage of them.

02:15:28.000 I don't know what the number is, but how many cops have seen people murdered?

02:15:31.000 How many cops have seen pulled up on car accidents and suicides?

02:15:35.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:15:36.000 Child molestations and all the fucking horrific shit they see. 1.00

02:15:39.000 How many lost friends? 1.00

02:15:41.000 How many have been shot at?

02:15:43.000 How many have been in gunfights?

02:15:45.000 And then every day, is this the last day of their life? 0.99

02:15:48.000 And they're all hopped up and stressed out and fucked up. 0.99

02:15:51.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:15:52.000 And then, you know, some of them are not bright, too.

02:15:55.000 How about that?

02:15:56.000 Some of them are great.

02:15:57.000 Some of them are brilliant.

02:15:59.000 They know how to handle people.

02:16:00.000 They have good psychology.

02:16:01.000 They're good, solid people with solid character. 0.89

02:16:03.000 And other ones are just shitbags that wanted to be tough guys. 0.92

02:16:07.000 And now they got a gun and a badge and they can tell you what to do. 1.00

02:16:10.000 And they will, get on the fucking floor! 1.00

02:16:12.000 Get on the floor! 1.00

02:16:13.000 And you're like, Jesus Christ.

02:16:15.000 And you've seen it.

02:16:16.000 We've all seen it.

02:16:17.000 We've all seen those videos.

02:16:18.000 Yeah.

02:16:19.000 Do you get out of, like, tickets or anything?

02:16:21.000 If I did, I wouldn't tell.

02:16:24.000 I'll tell you all fair.

02:16:25.000 Okay.

02:16:25.000 I'm not a bad guy.

02:16:27.000 No, of course not.

02:16:28.000 What are you trying to say?

02:16:28.000 Nothing.

02:16:29.000 I watched City of Lies over the weekend, which is about...

02:16:32.000 It's Johnny Depp, Forrest Whitaker.

02:16:34.000 The movie was made four years ago, maybe.

02:16:37.000 What was that?

02:16:38.000 Oh, that's the one about the biggie...

02:16:40.000 Yeah.

02:16:42.000 I looked up afterwards how much of what they put in the movie is true or based off of fact.

02:16:46.000 It seems like almost all of the movie is based off of fact.

02:16:51.000 It's about the Rampart division, right?

02:16:53.000 I didn't want to spoil this thing, but that's where there's a line, apparently, according to the movie, that's drawn where there was a cop that could have said...

02:17:03.000 This is what it really is, but they went with the Rampart thing anyway, which buried all of this other information and evidence and all sorts of stuff.

02:17:10.000 Oh, you spoiler alerted us. 0.74

02:17:13.000 Fucked it up already.

02:17:13.000 Sorry, the book's been out for 15 years.

02:17:15.000 Son of a bitch. 0.99

02:17:16.000 Yeah, but the movie hasn't. 1.00

02:17:17.000 The movie's been out for a long time.

02:17:19.000 I didn't spoil much of the story.

02:17:21.000 It's been out for an hour.

02:17:22.000 Nobody's seen that movie.

02:17:23.000 No one's going to not watch the movie because I just said that.

02:17:26.000 You just ruined it for everyone.

02:17:27.000 I'm never watching it, Jamie.

02:17:28.000 I'm so sorry.

02:17:28.000 You really killed my vibe today.

02:17:30.000 There was a good article about that whole thing in Rolling Stone a bunch of years ago.

02:17:36.000 So the guy who wrote the book probably wrote that article.

02:17:39.000 He was a Rolling Stone contributor.

02:17:41.000 That's who Forrest Whitaker's character is.

02:17:43.000 The movie is an LA Times writer.

02:17:44.000 I don't know what they kind of fudged there. 1.00

02:17:47.000 Fucking crazy story. 1.00

02:17:50.000 Yeah, it's a crazy story. 1.00

02:17:52.000 What's it called City of Lies?

02:17:53.000 Yeah.

02:17:54.000 There's a book called Labyrinth, I believe.

02:17:55.000 L-A-B, like Labyrinth.

02:17:57.000 Well, it's a perfect example of cops out of control. 0.99

02:17:59.000 The Rampart Division was out of fucking control. 0.98

02:18:02.000 And this is coming from a friend of mine who was an L.A. police department guy. 0.99

02:18:06.000 He worked for the cops.

02:18:08.000 And he was telling me, why couldn't I say officer?

02:18:10.000 The word officer, I couldn't find it.

02:18:12.000 Officer.

02:18:12.000 He was an officer.

02:18:13.000 He was telling me how fucking out of control they were. 0.97

02:18:16.000 He's like, these guys just saw a lot of people making millions of dollars selling drugs. 0.98

02:18:21.000 They saw murders.

02:18:22.000 They saw these different things.

02:18:23.000 And then cops got paid to do detail.

02:18:26.000 So meaning they got paid to do security at a lot of these places where criminals were doing things.

02:18:32.000 Whether it's people in the rap industry or whatever industry they were in.

02:18:36.000 And then they got closer to some of these criminals and then some of the cops became...

02:18:40.000 That's one of the things that happens to undercover drug dealers or undercover DEA agents.

02:18:46.000 Sometimes they turn because they realize, like, Jesus Christ, what am I doing?

02:18:50.000 I'm making $50,000 a year.

02:18:53.000 This guy's making $50,000 an hour.

02:18:55.000 What is happening here?

02:18:56.000 Why am I wasting my time?

02:18:58.000 And then they turn and they wound up doing these...

02:19:01.000 They wind up, one of the things that happens is you're undercover and you're pretending you're a drug dealer. 1.00

02:19:08.000 And then you just become a fucking drug dealer. 1.00

02:19:09.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:19:10.000 It's like, what's the other movie like that with, I think, Denzel Washington?

02:19:14.000 Training Day.

02:19:14.000 I just watched that for the first time.

02:19:17.000 Yeah, that's a great fucking movie. 1.00

02:19:19.000 That's a great fucking movie. 1.00

02:19:20.000 I was clenched the whole time. 1.00

02:19:21.000 Yeah, that's a great fucking movie. 0.99

02:19:22.000 It's so good. 0.99

02:19:23.000 That might be about the rampart.

02:19:25.000 I think so.

02:19:26.000 It's loosely based off of it.

02:19:28.000 Well, undercover cops becoming corrupt and corruption in police departments is as old as time.

02:19:35.000 There's always been a problem with it.

02:19:38.000 And the documentary The 7-5 is an amazing example of that. 0.99

02:19:43.000 It's a fucking incredible movie. 0.97

02:19:46.000 That's Tiller Russell's documentary. 0.99

02:19:48.000 He's the same guy who did the movie...

02:19:53.000 What is the...

02:19:54.000 Silk Road.

02:19:55.000 Yeah, Silk Road, but the other one.

02:19:57.000 Odessa.

02:19:58.000 Operation Odessa.

02:19:59.000 Oh, yeah, yeah.

02:20:00.000 That's another documentary.

02:20:00.000 That's amazing.

02:20:01.000 That's another documentary that he did about...

02:20:04.000 I don't even want to tell you what it's about.

02:20:07.000 I just want you to watch it.

02:20:08.000 Okay.

02:20:08.000 What's it called?

02:20:09.000 Operation Odessa.

02:20:10.000 Okay.

02:20:10.000 It's wild.

02:20:11.000 Where do I watch it?

02:20:12.000 Netflix.

02:20:13.000 Netflix, yeah.

02:20:14.000 Okay.

02:20:14.000 Netflix.

02:20:15.000 But...

02:20:20.000 The 7-5 is a great insight into how it goes wrong with cops.

02:20:25.000 Because this guy, Mike Dowd, who's sort of the main protagonist, he's a bad guy.

02:20:33.000 It's like he becomes a bad guy almost right away.

02:20:37.000 And then it gets worse and worse and worse as the story goes on.

02:20:40.000 As he gets deeper and deeper involved in corruption, next thing you know, he's like, he's... 0.99

02:20:45.000 He's selling drugs, he's robbing drug dealers, and it's madness driving a Corvette to work, and everybody's like, where the fuck are you getting this money? 0.98

02:20:52.000 They were just living like crazy people, doing coke on the job, and they're cops. 0.99

02:20:57.000 And this was rampant.

02:20:59.000 Have you seen Cocaine Cowboys?

02:21:01.000 Uh-uh.

02:21:02.000 Oh my God.

02:21:03.000 That's the best.

02:21:04.000 That's the best.

02:21:05.000 The best corruption.

02:21:07.000 Like, see how things go wrong with crime and cops.

02:21:12.000 The entire one year, the entire graduating class of the police department in Miami either was murdered or went to jail.

02:21:22.000 The entire graduating class.

02:21:26.000 Whoa.

02:21:26.000 They were just wild people.

02:21:28.000 And everyone was doing coke, and everyone was selling coke, and the cops were corrupt.

02:21:33.000 What year was this, roughly?

02:21:34.000 80s.

02:21:35.000 80s.

02:21:35.000 Miami Vice days.

02:21:36.000 Good time for coke and...

02:21:38.000 Well, that's what made Miami.

02:21:41.000 My friend did his residency there.

02:21:43.000 He's an ophthalmologist. 0.99

02:21:44.000 And he said it was the fucking craziest place to be. 0.99

02:21:49.000 He said every day you see people with a knife in their back, gunshots, this, that. 1.00

02:21:55.000 It was just cocaine murders, cartel murders.

02:21:59.000 It was just...

02:21:59.000 Chaos.

02:22:00.000 And he was in the emergency room because, you know, he was a young med student.

02:22:03.000 So he's dealing with this just all day, day in, day out.

02:22:07.000 And he had pictures.

02:22:08.000 This is back when you had, like, Polaroids.

02:22:11.000 ER doctors.

02:22:13.000 That's nuts.

02:22:15.000 Yeah, it's nuts.

02:22:16.000 Because you never know what you're going to get.

02:22:18.000 Especially when you're dealing with cocaine wars.

02:22:21.000 And now it's all fentanyl.

02:22:22.000 You need to watch Cocaine Cowboys.

02:22:25.000 Okay.

02:22:25.000 And there's Cocaine Cowboys too.

02:22:26.000 Oh, the sequel.

02:22:27.000 Both of them.

02:22:28.000 More coke, more cowboys.

02:22:29.000 Billy Corbin is one of the best documentary makers of all time.

02:22:32.000 He's amazing.

02:22:33.000 He's a guy out of Miami.

02:22:34.000 I've had him on the podcast a couple of times.

02:22:36.000 He's all...

02:22:37.000 Also did this great documentary on steroids and baseball with A-Rod called Screwball, where he used little kids to play the roles of the steroid dealer and the baseball player.

02:22:49.000 Used little kids, and the little kids would lip-sync what these guys actually had said in real life.

02:22:54.000 It's the most...

02:22:56.000 It's a creative and interesting way to make a documentary, but he's like child actors, like a child actor to pretend he's A-Rod, a child actor to pretend he's a steroid doctor.

02:23:07.000 It's hilarious.

02:23:09.000 I'll watch it.

02:23:09.000 That's it.

02:23:10.000 So he has little kids in all the roles.

02:23:13.000 So he's got a little kid that plays the doctor, and it's like...

02:23:17.000 How did you even think?

02:23:18.000 That's a little kid that plays A-Rod.

02:23:19.000 And you're like, how did you think to do this?

02:23:22.000 It's such a brilliant way of putting together a movie that is so unusual, but it makes it funny.

02:23:30.000 And the story's so crazy.

02:23:32.000 You're like, is this all true?

02:23:33.000 And it is all true.

02:23:34.000 And a kid is telling you that it's true.

02:23:36.000 Yeah.

02:23:36.000 So he did that, but he also did Cocaine Cowboys 1 and 2. And those are two of my all-time favorite documentaries.

02:23:42.000 I'll watch it.

02:23:43.000 You have to.

02:23:44.000 I'm down.

02:23:45.000 Now you must.

02:23:46.000 Okay.

02:23:47.000 Okay.

02:23:47.000 Why are we arguing?

02:23:48.000 I don't know.

02:23:49.000 Jesus.

02:23:49.000 I have to go pee really bad.

02:23:50.000 Oh, do you?

02:23:51.000 We should go pee.

02:23:51.000 I was going to bring a diaper because last time I had to go pee, I was like, maybe I'll just really commit to sitting.

02:23:56.000 You don't need to do that.

02:23:57.000 Okay, I'll be right back.

02:23:58.000 Go pee.

02:23:59.000 Don't talk badly about me.

02:24:00.000 We won't.

02:24:00.000 Okay, I'll listen back to the episode.

02:24:02.000 No, there's a fucking TV screen out there. 0.99

02:24:05.000 You can listen to us. 1.00

02:24:06.000 Oh, okay.

02:24:07.000 Yeah.

02:24:07.000 Okay.

02:24:08.000 So as you walk out...

02:24:11.000 It's a long walk. 0.99

02:24:11.000 Alright, we can talk shit the moment she shuts the door and she'll have about 30 seconds where she won't be able to hear us. 0.99

02:24:18.000 So what's going on, Jamie? 0.99

02:24:19.000 Anything else new?

02:24:20.000 No, that movie was surprisingly good, I would say.

02:24:24.000 And that movie was delayed because of all the scandals with Johnny Depp.

02:24:28.000 He apparently won't, according to Stanhope, Stanhope's buddies with him, he won't let this lawsuit go.

02:24:33.000 I would cynically say, yeah, sure, that's why it was put on the shelf.

02:24:37.000 But after watching the movie, you'd be like, I don't know.

02:24:39.000 Maybe they didn't want the movie out because...

02:24:43.000 They're splitting out all the details, but the book is out, I don't know.

02:24:46.000 You're going all cloak and dagger on me, Jamie.

02:24:48.000 It's fun to go that way.

02:24:50.000 You do love to go cloak and dagger, though.

02:24:52.000 Why not?

02:24:53.000 One day, ladies and gentlemen, Jamie will release a documentary.

02:24:57.000 He's been working on a cloak and dagger case of utmost importance.

02:25:01.000 I don't know about that important.

02:25:03.000 Well, it's interesting.

02:25:04.000 I would say it's clearly a bit of an obsession with you.

02:25:09.000 No, because I like...

02:25:10.000 No, obsession's a bad word.

02:25:11.000 Yeah, because I don't look up information.

02:25:13.000 I don't even try looking into it.

02:25:16.000 But obsession sounds negative.

02:25:18.000 I shouldn't say a passion project.

02:25:20.000 A focus.

02:25:21.000 A focus.

02:25:22.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:25:22.000 A focus.

02:25:23.000 Yeah.

02:25:23.000 I'll put it down for three or four months at a time.

02:25:25.000 But you're the guy that I always...

02:25:26.000 If you and I are talking about a story, you're always like, yeah, but maybe.

02:25:30.000 You're the yeah, but maybe guy.

02:25:32.000 Yeah.

02:25:33.000 Especially after listening to that book that War is a Racket, it's very quick.

02:25:37.000 I listen to the audiobook in 45 minutes.

02:25:39.000 It's a 50-page book.

02:25:41.000 Hearing him talk about things from 100 years ago in the context of today, you're like, did he write this yesterday?

02:25:46.000 I know, it's nuts.

02:25:48.000 And he didn't know about X amount like World War II, Vietnam, Korean War.

02:25:53.000 All these wars didn't exist before.

02:25:55.000 It's always been like that.

02:25:57.000 I think that's Nero burnt Rome.

02:26:01.000 They've always done things to try to force people into wars and to force people to be compliant.

02:26:07.000 I mean, Operation Northwoods in the 1960s, they were going to blow up jet airliners and blame it on the Cubans and force us into war with Cuba.

02:26:16.000 That's, you know, Hitler burned the Reichstag.

02:26:19.000 They've always done things like this. 0.96

02:26:21.000 People have always done sneaky shit in order to get people to do what they want them to do, in order to start military actions. 0.95

02:26:29.000 That was quick. 0.99

02:26:31.000 That was very quick.

02:26:31.000 What are you, a bucket?

02:26:33.000 You just, like, open the bucket and dump it out?

02:26:35.000 Was it quick?

02:26:36.000 That was crazy quick.

02:26:37.000 How long?

02:26:37.000 It was powerful.

02:26:38.000 I started another one, which I'm a grain of salt.

02:26:41.000 I almost put it down because I was like, this is a little bit much.

02:26:43.000 It's from the 70s.

02:26:44.000 None Dare Call a Conspiracy or something like that, I think is what it's called.

02:26:47.000 Oh, what is that?

02:26:48.000 It's written by someone from the government, like a congressman.

02:26:51.000 Almost the same book written like 60 years later, a little bit longer, talking about how the media doesn't talk about conspiracies because it's all a conspiracy. 0.99

02:26:59.000 What do you think they're going to write about this Jeffrey Epstein shit? 0.97

02:27:03.000 You want to talk about one of the craziest conspiracies of our time? 1.00

02:27:07.000 I mean this one reads like a fucking movie. 0.99

02:27:10.000 You got a guy who's supposedly a billionaire that is probably working for some intelligence agencies, maybe foreign intelligence agencies. 0.99

02:27:18.000 He flies wealthy people, famous people, scientists, technological people. 0.94

02:27:27.000 He flies them all to the island where they may or may not have fucked underage girls that they set up with cameras. 0.90

02:27:34.000 So they filmed heads of state, billionaires, all these people on an island. 1.00

02:27:41.000 Fucking underage girls, allegedly. 1.00

02:27:44.000 They catch him, he goes to jail, but gets the most gentle slap on the wrist sentence ever. 1.00

02:27:51.000 Journalists start trying to figure out why the fuck does he get this little slap on the wrist sentence? 0.84

02:27:56.000 This goes on for years, and finally, from people writing stories about it, they arrest him again. 0.97

02:28:02.000 This time, he's going down. 0.96

02:28:04.000 And when people realize he's going down, they kill him in jail.

02:28:08.000 And then there's stories about all these different hedge fund people that give him millions of dollars. 0.99

02:28:14.000 Some guy gave him a fucking house in Manhattan worth 60 million bucks. 0.95

02:28:18.000 All these different people are involved in it. 0.99

02:28:20.000 Bill Gates had visited with him and after he'd gotten arrested the first time, had been involved with him.

02:28:25.000 All these different people have done things with him.

02:28:27.000 All these different people have been to parties at his house.

02:28:30.000 All these different people. 0.99

02:28:31.000 It's fucking wild. 0.99

02:28:33.000 And then the guy gets murdered in jail when he's about to testify. 0.99

02:28:37.000 And all the cameras are broken.

02:28:40.000 Yeah, it doesn't matter.

02:28:41.000 Oh no, he killed himself.

02:28:42.000 Sorry, sorry, he killed himself.

02:28:43.000 What happened?

02:28:43.000 What's going on with Jizz Lane?

02:28:47.000 She's for sure going to sing if they let her, but who knows?

02:28:53.000 Yeah.

02:28:54.000 I mean, once they killed Jeffrey Epstein in jail and then pretended that he killed himself, which is kind of hilarious.

02:29:01.000 Hilarious how the cameras were broken.

02:29:02.000 I mean, it really is like a scene in a movie, right?

02:29:05.000 Oh, the cameras are broken.

02:29:06.000 Didn't work.

02:29:07.000 How did he kill himself?

02:29:09.000 Well, I guess he just hung himself or something.

02:29:13.000 Do you think everyone who is in the guest book or whatever who flew there was involved?

02:29:17.000 Or do you think some of the trips were innocent?

02:29:21.000 I think for sure some people were probably innocent.

02:29:24.000 Some people were probably coerced into doing something.

02:29:28.000 They were probably compromised.

02:29:30.000 You know, especially you get like these nerd scientists and you get them around hot girls. 1.00

02:29:36.000 I mean, they're probably like...

02:29:37.000 You probably can't believe these girls are even talking to them, even if they don't do anything with them. 1.00

02:29:42.000 They're taking pictures with them, these girls are hugging them, and they want to go back again.

02:29:46.000 And they're getting free food and a free plane ride, and then they're getting grants, right?

02:29:50.000 So they're getting money to do these things.

02:29:52.000 I was talking to a scientist about it, and he goes, it wasn't even a lot of money.

02:29:55.000 He goes, give them like, you know, a million dollars for this thing, a million dollars to that thing, to this guy that's supposed to be worth a billion dollars.

02:30:01.000 For him, it's probably a pretty easy investment to get close to these people and to bring them to these parties and take photos with them, always taking photos of people.

02:30:10.000 It's dark because if you want to believe the people that were told to give him a slap on the wrist the first time, what they had said was that he was above their pay grade and that he was someone that was protected.

02:30:24.000 He was intelligent.

02:30:25.000 What was the one guy who had a quote about it?

02:30:28.000 Remember that?

02:30:28.000 We talked about it.

02:30:29.000 The guy that said that I was told that he was intelligent.

02:30:32.000 That's basically the quote, yeah.

02:30:34.000 Yeah.

02:30:35.000 I've discovered.

02:30:38.000 I'm looking up information on Ghislaine.

02:30:40.000 And there's a new website that's popped up today.

02:30:43.000 Whoa.

02:30:44.000 Run by her family called RealGhislaine.com.

02:30:48.000 The RealGhislaine.com?

02:30:50.000 I guess they're trying to battle the smears the media has painted about her.

02:30:56.000 Okay, but how do they know?

02:30:58.000 One-dimensional character.

02:31:01.000 They've known the real Ghislaine all her life, not the fictional, one-dimensional character created by the media.

02:31:08.000 It says this website was popped up to counter some toilet-flushing smears about her, where she's not flushing her toilet or something like that at her gender jail cell. 0.98

02:31:19.000 So she decided that's how she's going to protest, by not flushing?

02:31:22.000 That's part, I mean, maybe the media's putting that out about her, so it makes her seem... 1.00

02:31:26.000 They probably broke her toilet, and then they're like, this dirty bitch doesn't even flush her toilet. 1.00

02:31:29.000 Look, it doesn't work! 1.00

02:31:31.000 Probably took the plunger out, the whole thing. 0.95

02:31:33.000 I love that they're outraged about the toilet comment, but her being, you know, an apprentice to sex trafficking. 1.00

02:31:39.000 They're like, we can let that slide, but if she's clogging the toilets, we need to clear her name. 1.00

02:31:44.000 If they have the kind of power and the kind of influence that you would imagine they have, because you have all these people that are on that fly list, Bill Clinton flew, I think, 26, 28 times, which is kind of crazy.

02:32:04.000 I mean, have you ever flown with your mom 28 times?

02:32:07.000 No.

02:32:08.000 It's like they say, if you go to the barber shop long enough, you're going to get a haircut.

02:32:12.000 You keep hanging around the barber shop.

02:32:14.000 What do you know?

02:32:14.000 You have a buzz cut.

02:32:15.000 We had a nice plane.

02:32:17.000 There was that weird public troll they did too with her when everyone was looking for her.

02:32:21.000 Right.

02:32:21.000 Yeah, she was at In-N-Out in the valley reading this book.

02:32:24.000 And she had a book about people in the CIA that are killed.

02:32:26.000 What was that about?

02:32:28.000 Yeah.

02:32:28.000 What was the title of the book again?

02:32:31.000 It was just about CIA agents that had gotten...

02:32:33.000 I don't remember the title of the book.

02:32:35.000 I tried to find it again recently.

02:32:36.000 At In-N-Out, staring right at the camera, clearly aware someone was photographing her.

02:32:41.000 So creepy. 1.00

02:32:42.000 It's wild shit. 1.00

02:32:43.000 And then they find her in a cabin in New Hampshire. 1.00

02:32:45.000 What is this, a Tom Clancy book?

02:32:46.000 What is this?

02:32:48.000 It's so weird.

02:32:49.000 What is going on at this moment that we just have no idea about?

02:32:54.000 There's got to be young Epsteins out there who... 1.00

02:32:57.000 Maybe.

02:32:58.000 But this is, like, it's bigger than that because, like, he got all these celebrities to come and hang with him.

02:33:05.000 Like, the people on the list that flew with him, it's pretty substantial.

02:33:10.000 It's probably to even it out, even out the guest book, make it look a little more normal.

02:33:14.000 No, I think it's to make it more attractive to all these other people.

02:33:17.000 I feel like it probably had an interest in science, legitimately, but then on top of that, you can learn a lot about things if you compromise scientists. 0.98

02:33:29.000 I mean, you get the most intelligent people in the world, and you compromise them, and you have access to all kinds of crazy shit. 0.99

02:33:38.000 But it's just so wild. 0.99

02:33:41.000 It reads like a movie.

02:33:44.000 And you realize, like, oh my god, maybe Alex Jones is right. 1.00

02:33:48.000 It reads like a fucking movie. 0.99

02:33:50.000 There's two other things. 1.00

02:33:51.000 There's a story today that was on 60 Minutes yesterday about putting a microchip under your skin to test for COVID. It's not an injection.

02:33:59.000 I don't want to freak you out like that, but I looked it up myself.

02:34:02.000 It's there.

02:34:03.000 So it's a test.

02:34:05.000 And what is it, attached to an app?

02:34:08.000 That part I don't understand.

02:34:10.000 It just says it will allow the user to know that you need to go get a rapid blood test.

02:34:15.000 I'm like, how is it telling you that?

02:34:16.000 A buzz?

02:34:17.000 Just imagine if COVID was way more deadly.

02:34:20.000 What if it killed like 15% of the people who got it or 20% of the people who got it?

02:34:24.000 We would be living in China.

02:34:26.000 We'd basically be living in communist China.

02:34:29.000 I mean, we would give up all of our rights for safety. 1.00

02:34:32.000 We'd be fucked. 0.97

02:34:33.000 And there's a little thing up there. 0.98

02:34:34.000 Scroll back up to the title, please.

02:34:36.000 It doesn't say it in the title.

02:34:37.000 Military programs aiming to end pandemics forever.

02:34:40.000 Bill Whittaker reports on Pentagon products that help combat COVID-19, help end pandemics forever.

02:34:47.000 And these are microchips.

02:34:50.000 And they'll put that microchip inside you, and that'll stop the pandemic, Allie.

02:34:54.000 Because then when we know you have it, we'll come and get you and lock you up in a jail.

02:34:57.000 Yeah.

02:34:58.000 Yeah.

02:34:59.000 And give you jail food.

02:35:00.000 Did you see the movie Kingsman, The Secret Service?

02:35:04.000 No.

02:35:05.000 That's the people shooting people and stabbing people and doing karate.

02:35:09.000 Yeah, but pretty much they're like...

02:35:12.000 Did you see it, Jamie?

02:35:14.000 They're like super James Bonds, right?

02:35:16.000 But they're kids, right?

02:35:17.000 No, no, no.

02:35:17.000 They're not kids.

02:35:18.000 It's in England. 1.00

02:35:19.000 I get turned off by just watching them throw knives at each other and shit. 0.99

02:35:24.000 Didn't they do a bunch of things like that? 0.99

02:35:25.000 Yeah, but there's a little more to it.

02:35:28.000 There's a little more.

02:35:28.000 Samuel L. Jackson's in it.

02:35:29.000 Samuel L. Jackson, yeah.

02:35:31.000 He's like this kind of corrupt dude who everyone thinks is a good guy because he created...

02:35:36.000 I don't know. 0.96

02:35:37.000 He's like a celebrity.

02:35:38.000 And then he creates this SIM card for your phone.

02:35:43.000 He's like, I'm giving away free SIM cards.

02:35:45.000 Everyone can put it in their phone.

02:35:47.000 That way, you know, the...

02:35:49.000 Non-wealthy people can have access to phone usage, whatever.

02:35:52.000 So everyone's lining up to get these SIM cards in their phone.

02:35:56.000 And then he has this control and this power in the SIM cards.

02:36:00.000 When the sound goes off, everyone goes crazy and starts to kill each other.

02:36:04.000 No!

02:36:05.000 And I watched that movie right before getting the vaccine and I was like, is this my SIM card?

02:36:10.000 There's so many people that think that Bill Gates is trying to put microchips in people.

02:36:14.000 Yeah.

02:36:15.000 That's what this article says.

02:36:17.000 It's like, don't worry, conspiracy heads.

02:36:19.000 Bill Gates is not trying to put a microchip in you.

02:36:21.000 So is Bill Gates!

02:36:22.000 Bill Gates owns more farmland than anybody else on Earth.

02:36:25.000 Is that true?

02:36:26.000 Yep.

02:36:27.000 He owns more American farmland than anybody else on Earth.

02:36:30.000 He owns all of it.

02:36:33.000 He just keeps buying up farmland.

02:36:35.000 Bill Gates to table.

02:36:36.000 I don't like that.

02:36:38.000 I don't like that either.

02:36:40.000 Makes me very uncomfortable.

02:36:42.000 He's just...

02:36:43.000 I don't trust a guy who dances the way he dances.

02:36:47.000 Can't trust him.

02:36:48.000 Yeah.

02:36:49.000 You ever seen him dance?

02:36:50.000 No, but he's like an old white guy.

02:36:52.000 It'd be weird if you saw him pop lock and drop it.

02:36:55.000 Some old white guys got a little bit of swagger. 0.66

02:36:57.000 A little shoulder.

02:36:58.000 They got the shoulder.

02:36:59.000 They get into it.

02:37:00.000 You can tell they danced when they were younger a little bit.

02:37:02.000 Maybe now they've got a bad back, but they're giving it their all.

02:37:06.000 He never got invited to any dances.

02:37:07.000 Jamie, pull up Bill Gates dancing.

02:37:10.000 Oh, sorry.

02:37:10.000 He's only 49th on the list.

02:37:12.000 Is Bill Gates on TikTok?

02:37:13.000 I thought you were about to say he's only 49. I was like, oh my god.

02:37:16.000 49th on the list of what?

02:37:18.000 Landowners.

02:37:19.000 Oh.

02:37:20.000 Size-wise, yeah, that's what it says.

02:37:21.000 In the United States?

02:37:22.000 Uh-huh.

02:37:23.000 No, not landowners, farmland.

02:37:25.000 Yeah.

02:37:26.000 No.

02:37:27.000 Why did they say he's become the number one farmland owner in the country?

02:37:30.000 There was an article about it just two days ago.

02:37:31.000 An article from three days ago.

02:37:33.000 Bill Gates buys a big farm on shopping, or buys big on farmland shopping spree, and then says Ted Turner is ranked third, Jeff Bezos is 25th, and Gates is in the 49th spot by rising.

02:37:45.000 Oh, that's weird.

02:37:47.000 Well, why don't you Google Bill Gates' number one farmland owner in America?

02:37:55.000 Because there was an article about it just a couple of days ago.

02:37:58.000 That's so weird that it's 49th and Bezos actually owns more than he does?

02:38:03.000 And this is farmland?

02:38:07.000 Farmland.

02:38:08.000 Yeah, I don't like that.

02:38:12.000 Oh.

02:38:13.000 As of January, land reports.

02:38:14.000 I mean, I don't know if they would have a lot more updated.

02:38:16.000 Private farmland.

02:38:17.000 The U.S. assets totaling more than one of the largest.

02:38:20.000 But not really, because there's 49 people or 48 people ahead of him.

02:38:26.000 He owns 242,000 acres of American farmlands.

02:38:29.000 Mainly in West Texas.

02:38:30.000 The largest holdings.

02:38:31.000 Hold on, scroll up a little bit.

02:38:33.000 Scroll up.

02:38:34.000 Largest holdings in Louisiana, 69,071 acres.

02:38:39.000 Arkansas, 47,000.

02:38:41.000 And Arizona, 25,750.

02:38:44.000 Huh.

02:38:45.000 I wonder why someone wrote an incorrect article.

02:38:51.000 Because it gets clicks?

02:38:52.000 Oh, that's right.

02:38:54.000 Yeah.

02:38:55.000 Yeah.

02:38:56.000 Oh, by the way, folks, there's a bunch of...

02:38:59.000 There's always going to be that, right?

02:39:03.000 Yeah, this does say, a New York Post that says he's now the biggest farmland owner, so...

02:39:09.000 Yeah, so what does that mean?

02:39:10.000 I don't know. 0.99

02:39:12.000 Fucking New York Post? 1.00

02:39:14.000 How are they getting it wrong like that? 1.00

02:39:17.000 Yeah, that's what I think.

02:39:18.000 That's not what I read.

02:39:19.000 That's not the article I read, but it was a similar article somewhere else, I believe.

02:39:27.000 Huh.

02:39:28.000 Weird.

02:39:30.000 Is this James O'Keefe?

02:39:36.000 No, it's different.

02:39:37.000 Who's O'Keefe?

02:39:39.000 Eric O'Keefe.

02:39:40.000 Eric O'Keefe.

02:39:42.000 He's got an alt.

02:39:43.000 Scroll back up again a little.

02:39:44.000 It says he has an alter ego.

02:39:47.000 Farmer Bill, the guy who owns more farmland than anyone else in America.

02:39:51.000 Yeah, I don't know why it says that.

02:39:52.000 The land report scoop made headlines.

02:39:56.000 Dates longstanding interest in climate change sustainability.

02:39:59.000 It's just odd.

02:40:01.000 It's odd when someone's a super billionaire and they're just like owning up all the farmland and trying to vaccinate everybody.

02:40:07.000 Yeah.

02:40:08.000 And with farmland, it's like all the food.

02:40:13.000 What are you doing?

02:40:14.000 Yeah.

02:40:15.000 Are you going to force everybody to eat your farmland burgers?

02:40:18.000 Are you going to make some weird food?

02:40:20.000 Do you have a garden at your place?

02:40:22.000 No.

02:40:22.000 I should, though.

02:40:23.000 You should get a greenhouse.

02:40:25.000 You should get a goat. 1.00

02:40:26.000 I don't like goats.

02:40:27.000 Okay.

02:40:28.000 I mean, I don't hate them.

02:40:30.000 But they're not your favorite.

02:40:30.000 I don't have a thing like you do with goats.

02:40:32.000 Do you have a weird animal that you really love?

02:40:35.000 There's a ring-tailed cat in my neighborhood.

02:40:38.000 What is that?

02:40:39.000 Yeah, exactly.

02:40:40.000 A ring-tailed cat?

02:40:42.000 Yeah.

02:40:43.000 Yeah.

02:40:43.000 We caught on security camera.

02:40:46.000 It's really adorable.

02:40:47.000 This is what they look like.

02:40:49.000 Oh, that is so cute.

02:40:51.000 Yeah, that little guy.

02:40:52.000 How did you know it was a ring-tailed cat?

02:40:55.000 Well, someone who works for me recognized it, and then we started Googling it, and that's the little guy who, or that's the kind of little guy, or little girl, is in our neighborhood.

02:41:09.000 Are they friendly, or will they like... 0.98

02:41:11.000 They'll kill you. 1.00

02:41:12.000 They'll bite your face off. 1.00

02:41:13.000 They'll fuck you up and give you rabies. 1.00

02:41:15.000 Look at it. 1.00

02:41:15.000 Oh, it's so cute. 1.00

02:41:16.000 It kind of looks like an opossum.

02:41:18.000 I love opossums.

02:41:19.000 A much larger rat with a super cool tail.

02:41:21.000 It's so cute.

02:41:22.000 It is adorable, right? 0.99

02:41:23.000 It's like a cat fucked a raccoon. 1.00

02:41:25.000 Or a raccoon fucked a cat. 1.00

02:41:26.000 I think the cat would be the bottom, right? 0.99

02:41:29.000 In a raccoon-cat confrontation.

02:41:32.000 I don't know.

02:41:33.000 Cats can be pretty dominant and top energy.

02:41:37.000 But raccoons are so much bigger.

02:41:38.000 And they have hands.

02:41:40.000 They can hold the cat.

02:41:41.000 The cats will sass them into being bottom. 1.00

02:41:43.000 Cats will be like, get down, bitch. 1.00

02:41:45.000 But raccoons kill dogs. 1.00

02:41:46.000 Didn't you see Old Yeller?

02:41:48.000 Oh.

02:41:49.000 You didn't see Old Yella?

02:41:50.000 Did you ever see Old Yella?

02:41:52.000 When I was probably two, three.

02:41:54.000 Yeah.

02:41:55.000 I think a raccoon killed the dog, right?

02:41:57.000 Isn't that what happened?

02:41:58.000 I thought one of the parents shoots the dog.

02:42:00.000 Talk about a spoiler alert.

02:42:02.000 Wasn't it that the raccoon had rabies and he infected the dog and then the parents had to kill the dog?

02:42:09.000 Some old school country type deal.

02:42:12.000 Do you like Westerns?

02:42:14.000 Like on...

02:42:14.000 I like Unforgiven.

02:42:15.000 That's one of my favorite Westerns.

02:42:16.000 Is that a movie or a TV show?

02:42:18.000 Oh my god, how dare you?

02:42:19.000 Who are you?

02:42:19.000 I don't know.

02:42:20.000 I'm figuring it out.

02:42:22.000 He was bitten by a rabid wolf in the book.

02:42:24.000 A rabid wolf?

02:42:26.000 In the movie?

02:42:26.000 Wasn't it a raccoon though?

02:42:27.000 Synthesis said the book.

02:42:29.000 Oh.

02:42:32.000 You are a little fiend.

02:42:34.000 Oh, I know.

02:42:34.000 You can't stop.

02:42:35.000 No. 1.00

02:42:35.000 That shit's so bad for your lungs. 1.00

02:42:37.000 I stopped at the beginning of the pandemic. 1.00

02:42:39.000 Oh, you started up again today before the show?

02:42:41.000 Mm-hmm.

02:42:41.000 I stopped for like two months and then I was back on.

02:42:44.000 Why'd you get back on it?

02:42:45.000 Because I like it.

02:42:46.000 Oh, okay.

02:42:49.000 The Unforgiven is one of the greatest westerns, if not the greatest western of all time.

02:42:54.000 It's Morgan Freeman, Clint Eastwood, who's the sheriff?

02:43:05.000 Bless you!

02:43:06.000 Thank you.

02:43:07.000 I'm trying to hold that one.

02:43:08.000 Gene Hackman. 0.99

02:43:09.000 And I forget who else is in it, but fucking phenomenal. 0.99

02:43:14.000 It's like a realistic Western. 0.98

02:43:16.000 And it's basically, Clint Eastwood did all those spaghetti Westerns.

02:43:20.000 They were all great. 0.98

02:43:20.000 All those Western movies, you know, Outlaw, Josie Wales, all that kind of shit. 0.98

02:43:24.000 But this is like realism. 0.97

02:43:27.000 It's even like the heroics are not that heroic. 0.97

02:43:31.000 So many people are cowards.

02:43:33.000 The people that are evil, the way they're evil is believable.

02:43:37.000 It's an amazing movie, if I remember correctly.

02:43:41.000 I haven't seen it in a decade, but I remember loving it.

02:43:44.000 It was almost like Clint Eastwood, as he got older and became a more respected actor and also then became a director, had decided, you know what, I'm going to clean this up.

02:43:57.000 I'm going to make a movie that's a realistic Western.

02:44:01.000 It's my favorite Western. 0.99

02:44:03.000 It's a fucking great movie. 1.00

02:44:04.000 It's about a guy, spoiler alert, who used to be a killer. 0.99

02:44:09.000 And he settles down to become a farmer.

02:44:13.000 And then along the way, circumstances and things happen, and he has to go back into his...

02:44:21.000 His old skills is a dark movie.

02:44:25.000 It's heavy.

02:44:26.000 I like heavy movies.

02:44:28.000 It's a heavy movie.

02:44:29.000 But it also makes you realize, like, my God, living back then must have been so hard.

02:44:35.000 And it's not that long ago.

02:44:37.000 You know, you're talking about 1850, 1840. That's not that long ago.

02:44:42.000 That's fucking really recent. 0.98

02:44:45.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:44:45.000 A couple hundred years ain't shit. 1.00

02:44:47.000 But a couple hundred years ago, life was awful. 0.99

02:44:50.000 It was just awful.

02:44:52.000 And that's the thing with now.

02:44:55.000 I feel like you have to take a moment to be just like...

02:44:59.000 As bad as you can make things out to be, it's like, well, just take it for what it is.

02:45:05.000 Because who knows if it's going to get worse or better.

02:45:09.000 Well, you know what the problem is?

02:45:10.000 As bad as it is today, for a lot of people, is the worst they've ever had it.

02:45:16.000 Yeah.

02:45:17.000 That's the problem.

02:45:18.000 Now, if you...

02:45:21.000 If you talk to someone who grew up in a third world country, if you talk to someone who grew up in extreme poverty or in a war zone, their idea of this would be, it would be nothing.

02:45:30.000 Like, I had a friend, my friend Shuki, he was my kickboxing coach back in the day, and he was from Israel. 0.87

02:45:36.000 You're like, you're sucking on that thing again. 0.99

02:45:37.000 You can't even help yourself. 0.99

02:45:38.000 I'll put them away.

02:45:39.000 No, you don't have to.

02:45:40.000 I'm just giving you a hard time.

02:45:41.000 My friend Shuki was from Israel, and he was always happy.

02:45:45.000 Always happy.

02:45:45.000 I remember I had dinner over at his house, and he was playing the bongos, and his wife was dancing, his kids dancing.

02:45:50.000 Everyone's dancing.

02:45:51.000 I was like, you guys are so happy.

02:45:53.000 Why are you so happy?

02:45:53.000 He goes, man, he goes, living in Israel, he goes, it's like, you never know when you're going to die.

02:45:59.000 He was like, it was just like, there's always craziness.

02:46:02.000 So like every day that you're alive is party, party, party.

02:46:05.000 That's how he thought about it.

02:46:06.000 He was like a real live Zohan.

02:46:08.000 Yeah.

02:46:09.000 You know, that's what he's like.

02:46:22.000 Yeah.

02:46:36.000 It would be a very different way of growing up.

02:46:39.000 He went back there.

02:46:40.000 Oh, he did?

02:46:41.000 Yeah, he was living in Tarzana for a while.

02:46:42.000 He was running Majiro Gym, a kickboxing gym in Tarzana.

02:46:46.000 He's like, yeah, going back to Israel.

02:46:48.000 He's there now.

02:46:50.000 You think he's still playing the bongos?

02:46:51.000 Oh yeah, he is.

02:46:52.000 100%.

02:46:53.000 I'll find you his Instagram.

02:46:55.000 He's a great guy.

02:46:57.000 But he's got this sort of unique perspective because of, you know, growing up and living in Israel.

02:47:05.000 It's just like, things are just different there. 0.99

02:47:07.000 It's just, he's, you know, he's experienced a lot of, like, shit that makes you... 0.99

02:47:14.000 Let me find it. 0.99

02:47:15.000 Shuki...

02:47:19.000 Shukiran.

02:47:20.000 Shukiran Muay Thai.

02:47:22.000 So I'll send it to you, Jamie.

02:47:24.000 Hold on a second here.

02:47:25.000 Share.

02:47:30.000 Copy profile URL. Here, Jamie.

02:47:35.000 It's just that life, the life that he lived in Israel and just living in a place that's so ridden with conflict forever, right?

02:47:44.000 From the beginning of Israel in the 1940s.

02:47:46.000 And even before then, right?

02:47:47.000 It was just constant conflict. 0.99

02:47:49.000 And so their idea is when you're alive and everything's okay, it's like fucking party. 0.98

02:47:54.000 And so they're playing bongos and dancing and... 0.99

02:47:57.000 Count as private. 1.00

02:47:58.000 Shit! 1.00

02:47:59.000 He's gonna probably have a lot of requests after this. 1.00

02:48:02.000 Yeah.

02:48:03.000 Yeah, it's...

02:48:04.000 Well, I can't, you know, I can't get it to you somehow.

02:48:09.000 What can I do?

02:48:10.000 If we had an Apple TV, you could at least show it on the TV. Yeah, I can't.

02:48:13.000 Can't?

02:48:15.000 But here's him hitting the double in the back.

02:48:18.000 Oh, he's fit.

02:48:19.000 Oh, yeah, he's in his 60s now, too. 1.00

02:48:20.000 Damn. 1.00

02:48:21.000 He's in great shape. 0.99

02:48:22.000 He's a great guy, though.

02:48:23.000 Now he's gonna get swamped.

02:48:26.000 But, um...

02:48:28.000 We're soft.

02:48:30.000 And it's not bad that we're soft.

02:48:32.000 I think it would be great if we never had to be hard.

02:48:34.000 But the problem is adversity for a lot of people today is overwhelming.

02:48:40.000 And the overwhelming adversity of the past year has broken a lot of people.

02:48:44.000 There's a lot of people that I can't talk to anymore. 0.99

02:48:46.000 Because the way they handled COVID and the way they would scream at people on Twitter and the way they would act in real life, I'm like, bro, you've got to get your shit together.

02:48:54.000 I know it's hard to see it because I feel like it brought out so many like neuroses in people that was kind of always there but this like really brought it to the forefront and it's hard to see them have such a you know mentally difficult response to it. 0.92

02:49:13.000 It's just eating away at them.

02:49:16.000 Yeah.

02:49:18.000 It's a test.

02:49:20.000 Last year has been a test for a lot of folks.

02:49:23.000 Some people have come through it really well.

02:49:24.000 Some people have had good times and bad times.

02:49:26.000 Other people have just fallen apart and becoming incredibly neurotic.

02:49:30.000 You just realize how many people have zero capacity for adversity.

02:49:36.000 They don't have any.

02:49:37.000 They've never played sports.

02:49:38.000 They've never had hard times. 0.99

02:49:41.000 They don't know what the fuck to do. 0.99

02:49:44.000 Oh, that's Shooky. 0.99

02:49:46.000 Shooky! 0.99

02:49:47.000 He's out there.

02:49:49.000 I found it on YouTube.

02:49:50.000 Oh, that's 2015. I think he was still here.

02:49:53.000 I think that was when he was in America.

02:49:57.000 I think.

02:49:58.000 But I trained with him way back in the day.

02:50:01.000 I trained with him like 2001. He's a fight choreographer for a kickboxing movie.

02:50:06.000 Oh yeah?

02:50:08.000 He did a lot of things.

02:50:09.000 He trained a lot of fighters too.

02:50:11.000 He trained Stan Longinitis.

02:50:13.000 Stan the man Longinitis back in the day.

02:50:15.000 He's a great guy.

02:50:17.000 What would your nickname be if you were like a...

02:50:19.000 Don't some people have nicknames?

02:50:21.000 Smokin' Joe probably.

02:50:23.000 Smokin' Joe.

02:50:23.000 LOL. Smokin' Joe.

02:50:25.000 I would steal it from Joe Frazier.

02:50:28.000 Respect to Joe.

02:50:29.000 I don't know.

02:50:29.000 I don't think I'd have a nickname.

02:50:31.000 I don't think it's necessary.

02:50:33.000 Yeah.

02:50:34.000 You know?

02:50:35.000 Could be fun though.

02:50:36.000 There's some good nicknames and there's like a lot of fighters in MMA have...

02:50:40.000 There's too many nicknames.

02:50:41.000 Like they try too hard.

02:50:42.000 They're like really wanting the nickname to catch on.

02:50:45.000 Yeah.

02:50:45.000 Well, it's just like, sometimes you don't, if you don't have a nickname, just accept it.

02:50:50.000 Has it been weird going to, like, the UFC events without the audiences and stuff?

02:50:56.000 No, it's been awesome.

02:50:57.000 You like it better?

02:50:57.000 Oh, I love it, yeah.

02:50:58.000 I love it.

02:50:59.000 I don't like it better.

02:51:01.000 Because audiences are awesome, too.

02:51:02.000 But it's a different experience.

02:51:04.000 Like, you feel really lucky.

02:51:05.000 Like, when I was at the...

02:51:07.000 Well, the Stipe Miocic-Francis and Ghanu fight, which was a couple weeks ago, that was weird because they started to let a lot of celebrities in there.

02:51:14.000 You know, like...

02:51:15.000 Travis Barker was there.

02:51:19.000 Megan Fox was there, Machine Gun Kelly, all these famous... 1.00

02:51:23.000 Kourtney Kardashian.

02:51:23.000 She was there.

02:51:24.000 She was there with Travis.

02:51:25.000 I know.

02:51:25.000 They're a thing.

02:51:26.000 I know.

02:51:26.000 It's so juicy.

02:51:27.000 I've been keeping up.

02:51:28.000 So juicy.

02:51:29.000 And there was a lot of YouTube stars.

02:51:31.000 But there was an actual crowd this time.

02:51:33.000 There was probably like 150 people.

02:51:34.000 Wow.

02:51:35.000 Whereas usually it's been like, it started off, it was like real strict, like 20 people and that's it.

02:51:40.000 But this last one, it was like, there's quite a few people at the Apex Center.

02:51:43.000 And then the next one, which is not this upcoming weekend, but the next weekend, is in Florida with a full house in Fort Lauderdale.

02:51:51.000 Yeah, packed.

02:51:51.000 Are you going to be there?

02:51:52.000 Oh yeah.

02:51:53.000 Are you excited?

02:51:54.000 Yeah.

02:51:54.000 Yeah, I'm excited.

02:51:55.000 It's an awesome card, but it's also, it's going to be wild to be.

02:51:58.000 It's just, wow!

02:52:00.000 That energy is crazy.

02:52:02.000 Yeah.

02:52:02.000 And then there's another one in May in Houston that I'm doing that's also full crowd.

02:52:07.000 Hometown.

02:52:08.000 Yeah.

02:52:08.000 Hometown Advantage.

02:52:09.000 Close.

02:52:10.000 Yeah.

02:52:10.000 And I'm doing a theater in Houston, too.

02:52:12.000 Oh, fun.

02:52:12.000 Yeah.

02:52:14.000 Want to do it?

02:52:15.000 Yeah.

02:52:16.000 Yeah?

02:52:16.000 Yeah.

02:52:17.000 You want to do it with me?

02:52:18.000 Yes.

02:52:18.000 Okay.

02:52:19.000 You, me, and the Golden Pony.

02:52:20.000 Stop.

02:52:21.000 Stop.

02:52:21.000 I want to cry.

02:52:25.000 You had the fucking craziest ascent into arenas of all time. 0.99

02:52:29.000 It freaks me out thinking about it. 0.99

02:52:31.000 Like, if I think about it too long, I'm like, this is a simulation. 0.99

02:52:34.000 It was kind of a stupid thing for me to even ask you to do. 0.99

02:52:38.000 It was. 1.00

02:52:39.000 It was very stupid. 1.00

02:52:40.000 I just gave you so much pressure. 1.00

02:52:42.000 But you handled it so well.

02:52:44.000 I feel like you're set in...

02:52:47.000 This is...

02:52:47.000 Tell everybody what happened.

02:52:49.000 Allie had done, we had done shows because I'd seen her do The Store and I'd seen you do Kill Tony.

02:52:54.000 I have a question.

02:52:55.000 Okay.

02:52:56.000 Did you, was, how, so I remember the first time you asked me to do guest spots at the Ice House.

02:53:05.000 I asked you to host, I think.

02:53:07.000 You asked me to, no, I think I was just doing guest spots.

02:53:09.000 The first time?

02:53:09.000 Yeah.

02:53:10.000 Okay.

02:53:10.000 Because I think you just wanted to see how I would do on a show.

02:53:14.000 A set.

02:53:14.000 A real show.

02:53:15.000 Packed house.

02:53:16.000 I never know.

02:53:17.000 Was Tony like, you have to see this girl?

02:53:20.000 Or was it just from seeing me on Kill Tony?

02:53:23.000 Well, I'm always looking for people that I think have talent.

02:53:27.000 Always.

02:53:28.000 And I've got a pretty good record.

02:53:31.000 If you look at all the people that I have, like Duncan and Diaz and Ari and Segura, all the guys that I started taking on the road with me, I have a good eye for when...

02:53:44.000 You don't know if someone's going to make it.

02:53:47.000 You really don't.

02:53:48.000 But you know if someone can make it.

02:53:51.000 Do you make me laugh?

02:53:53.000 Are you funny?

02:53:53.000 Do I see you've got something?

02:53:55.000 And the difference between someone who's got something and someone who's selling out a comedy club every weekend is just time and focus and sometimes a little boost.

02:54:06.000 Like someone else coming along going, I think you're good.

02:54:09.000 You make me laugh.

02:54:10.000 You could do this.

02:54:10.000 That happened to me when I was coming up.

02:54:13.000 People did that for me.

02:54:15.000 I'll never forget Lenny Clark, who did that for me when I was like a year into comedy.

02:54:20.000 I opened for him, and he gave me this huge compliment. 0.98

02:54:24.000 He complimented, kid, you're fucking hilarious! 0.99

02:54:27.000 Big, giant Irish guy with crazy accent, Boston accent. 1.00

02:54:32.000 It meant so much to me.

02:54:34.000 I'm like, I'm going to help every comic I can when I can.

02:54:37.000 So whenever I see someone that's good, I've always been like, you can do this.

02:54:43.000 I was taking it the other day to some lady that was doing a show at Vulcan. 0.90

02:54:48.000 I was like, just keep going.

02:54:49.000 You're good.

02:54:50.000 You're funny.

02:54:50.000 You made me laugh.

02:54:51.000 It's the difference between...

02:54:54.000 Being someone who's funny who's been doing it a year and someone who's funny that is headlining and killing it on the road and has got a Netflix special is just time.

02:55:02.000 It's all it is.

02:55:04.000 And I know you want to do it. 0.99

02:55:05.000 So just keep putting that fucking time in and you can do it. 0.98

02:55:09.000 And then you've got to be around people like Tim Dillon and Santino and there's other comics that are also doing it. 0.99

02:55:16.000 And then you're in.

02:55:18.000 You're one of us. 0.99

02:55:19.000 And then next thing you know, you're killing it.

02:55:22.000 So I had seen you perform a couple of times on Kill Tony.

02:55:26.000 I thought you were really funny, and Tony said, yeah, she's hilarious. 0.66

02:55:29.000 And then I saw some other sets, and I'm like, I need to see a set of hers in front of a regular crowd.

02:55:35.000 Not like a crowd that's there to see an open mic night, but a crowd that's there to see me and my friends.

02:55:39.000 So then I said, come do some shows at the Improv.

02:55:42.000 We did a few of those, did a few of those at the Comedy Store.

02:55:45.000 I wanted to test you in a bunch of different ones.

02:55:47.000 And then I remember it was like, you were saying that you were going to be in Vegas.

02:55:51.000 You wanted to know if you could get tickets to the fights.

02:55:55.000 No, no, no, no, no.

02:55:56.000 Yeah, you said you were going to be in Vegas.

02:55:57.000 I said I wanted to see you at a theater and you were going to be in Vegas, so I was going to drive out.

02:56:02.000 No, you also said you wanted to see the fights.

02:56:08.000 I know we were talking about a UFC. And you said, do you think I can get tickets to that?

02:56:12.000 And I said, sure.

02:56:13.000 And then we talked about the show.

02:56:15.000 I said, do you want to go up on the show?

02:56:17.000 And then I was like, no.

02:56:18.000 And you're like, could I? Because you had only done...

02:56:21.000 Oh, you took that photo, Jamie.

02:56:24.000 That's you about to go on stage.

02:56:26.000 And there was an earthquake right before.

02:56:28.000 Okay, that's hilarious.

02:56:30.000 Bad day.

02:56:31.000 That's right, there was, right?

02:56:32.000 In Vegas.

02:56:34.000 So you killed. 0.97

02:56:35.000 You went up there loose as a goose. 1.00

02:56:37.000 You were focused, but you can tell you had all this energy because you knew like, holy shit. 0.99

02:56:42.000 So you went from doing the improv, which is a couple hundred seats, the main room at the comedy store, a little bit more than that. 0.98

02:56:49.000 And then all of a sudden, you're in front of 1,300 people.

02:56:53.000 And so you get off stage.

02:56:55.000 You did great.

02:56:56.000 And I said, okay, do you want to do an arena?

02:56:59.000 Well, first of all, I open in front of 1,300 people, which is obviously the biggest show I've ever done.

02:57:07.000 And I'm freaking out because my set was good.

02:57:10.000 You liked it.

02:57:12.000 And I was like, okay.

02:57:13.000 Like, that was so great.

02:57:15.000 How fun.

02:57:15.000 I get to go to the UFC. Also, Aerosmith is there.

02:57:20.000 Fucking Steven Tyler. 0.99

02:57:22.000 He's like, you have the thickest eyebrows I've ever seen. 0.99

02:57:26.000 That's badass.

02:57:27.000 I was like, thank you.

02:57:29.000 How nice is he?

02:57:30.000 He's so nice.

02:57:31.000 He's so nice. 0.99

02:57:49.000 You killed. 0.92

02:57:50.000 And that was, yeah. 1.00

02:57:51.000 You fucking killed. 1.00

02:57:52.000 You really did. 1.00

02:57:53.000 That was Portland, right?

02:57:54.000 Portland.

02:57:55.000 Yeah.

02:57:55.000 The Moda Center.

02:57:57.000 That was, uh, I think at least 11,000 people.

02:58:01.000 I forget how many. 1.00

02:58:03.000 It is a big ass fucking place though. 1.00

02:58:05.000 And it was, there's no preparation for something like that. 1.00

02:58:08.000 I mean, obviously- No one can prepare you.

02:58:09.000 And you were in the round too, which is always weird.

02:58:12.000 It was weird.

02:58:12.000 I was just so out of breath when I got on stage because I'm running up.

02:58:15.000 I'm like, it takes so long to get on stage after you say my name.

02:58:19.000 And you gotta go through all those people too.

02:58:21.000 You gotta go through the masses to get to the stage.

02:58:23.000 It was the coolest thing ever.

02:58:28.000 It's a wild way to do it, but you only get to do that once.

02:58:33.000 There's no time in your life where you get to go from going to a club to going on stage in front of 1,300 people to going on stage in front of whatever it was, 11,000 people.

02:58:47.000 That only happens once.

02:58:49.000 Or you get a chance to do that for the first time.

02:58:51.000 So a first time like that is only once.

02:58:54.000 So it was cool that I got to be the person that brought you to the dance.

02:58:57.000 Yeah.

02:58:58.000 Because you handled it. 1.00

02:58:59.000 And you went up there fucking... 1.00

02:59:01.000 I remember we were backstage going, she's fucking doing it. 1.00

02:59:03.000 She's killing it. 1.00

02:59:04.000 You were killing it.

02:59:05.000 You were tight, but you were smiling and having fun up there.

02:59:09.000 And it worked.

02:59:10.000 You got the crowd going.

02:59:11.000 You got everybody warmed up.

02:59:13.000 You know? 0.99

02:59:14.000 It was fucking great. 0.99

02:59:15.000 It was great. 1.00

02:59:16.000 It was so fun.

02:59:17.000 I was really proud of you.

02:59:18.000 Thank you.

02:59:19.000 Thank you.

02:59:21.000 Yeah, because it's like I was saying at the beginning of the podcast, it's like there's so many highs and lows and so... 0.94

02:59:29.000 It's just great to remember, like, Joe's not gonna bring someone to do that who sucks.

02:59:34.000 No, I knew you were good.

02:59:35.000 You know, like, I'll have bad sets, and it's like, that's all part of it, you know, growing and building and getting better, and the bad sets, they hurt.

02:59:44.000 They feel bad, and it can hurt your confidence, but then you have to remember, like, it's not always, you're gonna grow from this, and...

02:59:51.000 Yeah.

02:59:53.000 It's just...

02:59:55.000 It's a trip.

02:59:56.000 Sigh.

02:59:57.000 Look, I wouldn't have... 0.99

02:59:58.000 If I had been doing comedy as long as you, I would have shit my pants. 0.99

03:00:01.000 I'm shitting right now. 0.99

03:00:04.000 I would not have been able to do it. 1.00

03:00:06.000 I would have fucking... 1.00

03:00:07.000 I would have panicked. 1.00

03:00:08.000 I would have had a panic attack.

03:00:09.000 Oh, I was panicking, all right.

03:00:11.000 But you did it.

03:00:13.000 You pulled it off.

03:00:14.000 I knew.

03:00:15.000 I kind of knew.

03:00:16.000 I mean, I hoped.

03:00:17.000 But I knew.

03:00:18.000 I knew you were good.

03:00:18.000 When I saw you go up in Vegas, and I... Who did we do Vegas with?

03:00:22.000 We did it with Ian Edwards.

03:00:24.000 That's right.

03:00:24.000 I remember I told Ian, I'm gonna bring you to the theater, or to the arena.

03:00:27.000 You did?

03:00:28.000 Yeah.

03:00:28.000 And he was like, what?

03:00:31.000 And I was like, I think she can handle it.

03:00:33.000 And then I got to go to the UFC. I just wanted to see if you could handle it, too.

03:00:38.000 Because I knew you could.

03:00:39.000 Like, I knew if you can just do what you just did in front of 1,300 people, you could do it in front of 10,000 or 11,000 or whatever it was.

03:00:45.000 Yeah.

03:00:46.000 I knew you could do it.

03:00:47.000 Imagine if I bombed.

03:00:48.000 It would have been rough.

03:00:49.000 But I would have said, dude, you're only going to get a chance to bomb one time like that in front of an arena when you really shouldn't have been doing it yet.

03:00:57.000 You would have been fine.

03:00:58.000 It would have been fun.

03:00:59.000 But I'm glad I didn't.

03:01:00.000 I would have been hurting for a while. 1.00

03:01:02.000 You killed. 0.85

03:01:03.000 You did the right thing too.

03:01:05.000 You started off like fun and loose.

03:01:08.000 And I was like, look at her, like a fish to water.

03:01:10.000 You just took right to it.

03:01:12.000 It's perfect.

03:01:13.000 I mean, that's the thing.

03:01:14.000 When you ask me how I got into stand-up, it's like I've just always wanted to make people laugh.

03:01:20.000 And so when a set goes well and you're able to make a lot of people laugh, nothing feels better.

03:01:25.000 It's like I'm fulfilling my life's purpose.

03:01:28.000 And if a set goes bad, I'm like...

03:01:30.000 And there's those moments too where something like that will happen.

03:01:35.000 They can give you a giant boost.

03:01:37.000 You could do open mics around town and you can grind and that's great for you.

03:01:43.000 There's nothing bad about grinding.

03:01:45.000 There's nothing bad about doing guest sets whenever you can.

03:01:48.000 But there's something about when a thing happens where all of a sudden you have this new kind of experience.

03:01:55.000 And the kind of experience...

03:01:57.000 I didn't do arenas until I did arenas.

03:02:01.000 Yeah.

03:02:01.000 I didn't do an arena until I was like 25 years into comedy, you know?

03:02:08.000 And that's the scary thing is, like, as cool as it is, and being as somewhat newer into stand-up, you know, it's scary to say I've done an arena, but, like, I'm still really working hard on,

03:02:24.000 like, headlining.

03:02:25.000 Like, this is all still new to me.

03:02:27.000 Like, I did an arena before I even headlined, and it's like, you know, I hope people don't think that because I've had these cool experiences that I'm like a...

03:02:36.000 Well, you're still out there grinding.

03:02:38.000 I think that's really, that's very important.

03:02:41.000 Like, you have to have a varied diet. 0.92

03:02:44.000 Like, doing those big shows is great, but you also gotta do these little shitty shows.

03:02:48.000 Like, you have to do shows where you, like, when you get those spots at the store at, like, 1230, and there's 15 people in the audience.

03:02:55.000 Like, the first time I saw Laura.

03:02:56.000 Mm-hmm.

03:02:57.000 The first time I saw Laura, she was on stage, Burt and I had come from the main room, we had a couple drinks in the back bar, and they were walking by the OR, and we said, let's just go see who's on stage. 0.99

03:03:07.000 And Burt and I sat in the back, and Laura fucking killed. 1.00

03:03:11.000 She killed. 1.00

03:03:12.000 And she was loose, and she was just fun, and I wrote about it on my Instagram, and I was like, that girl's a fucking killer. 1.00

03:03:21.000 She's a killer. 1.00

03:03:22.000 She's a machine. 1.00

03:03:23.000 She's just fucking funny. 1.00

03:03:24.000 And it's like, that's where comedy comes alive. 0.98

03:03:29.000 It comes alive in all these different venues.

03:03:32.000 In a big crowd where you get a packed spot in the main room, or a little shitty show where it's like, you know, there's 13 people left in the audience and you go up and you just, you catch a vibe.

03:03:44.000 You hit the wave and you ride it.

03:03:46.000 And they're all like just as important.

03:03:48.000 All just as important.

03:03:49.000 Like doing the 13 or the 13 audience member room and the 10,000 person arena like both like you can learn from any set that you have and no set is necessarily better than the other but I'll tell you an arena feels good.

03:04:07.000 How many arenas did you do with me?

03:04:09.000 I think like five or four.

03:04:12.000 It's the craziest thing.

03:04:14.000 It's the craziest thing.

03:04:16.000 It is crazy.

03:04:17.000 It's so wild.

03:04:18.000 I know.

03:04:19.000 It really is.

03:04:20.000 But I'm so grateful because it's so cool to to not just to do the arena but to see but to see someone like you who takes someone like me who had only been doing stand-up at that time for like four five years To see the way that you treat me and your feature act and the things that we get to do,

03:04:42.000 that's so fun to witness because I want to one day have my own arena shows.

03:04:50.000 That's my dream is to be able to be in that position to fly someone out first class for the first time and You know, get a big steak before the show or after the show and like, you know, all of those things that's just so special about comedy because like,

03:05:06.000 we get it.

03:05:06.000 We're all doing the same thing.

03:05:08.000 And, um...

03:05:11.000 You get a chance to do that when you're the person who calls the shots.

03:05:14.000 You get a chance to bring everybody with you and say, we're all the same.

03:05:17.000 The only difference is one person, more people know them.

03:05:22.000 That's all it is.

03:05:23.000 But we're all doing the same thing.

03:05:25.000 We're all doing stand-up.

03:05:26.000 And that's what I said to this lady the other night at Vulcan.

03:05:29.000 I was like, we're all the same.

03:05:31.000 The only difference between you and me is I've been doing it 33 years.

03:05:35.000 And you've been doing it a year.

03:05:36.000 Did you ever think your stand-up would be at the place where it's at when you started in terms of, not in terms of success, but in terms of material?

03:05:45.000 No.

03:05:46.000 No, it was terrible.

03:05:47.000 I thought it was always going to be terrible.

03:05:49.000 That's how I feel right now.

03:05:51.000 I mean, comedy is like, it's a build, right?

03:05:55.000 Like you're building a mountain out of layers of paint.

03:05:58.000 And every day you're slapping more paint on that mountain and it just keeps stacking and stacking.

03:06:05.000 And then one day you're killing.

03:06:07.000 Do you feel like there was a turning point?

03:06:09.000 Like, do you remember a time where you were like, oh, this is my groove.

03:06:12.000 This is my voice.

03:06:14.000 This is, like, my material and, like, how I tell jokes.

03:06:20.000 Well, it keeps evolving, right?

03:06:22.000 It keeps getting, hopefully, better if you keep paying attention to it.

03:06:25.000 But I think around 10 years in.

03:06:26.000 10 years in is when I really kind of caught my wave.

03:06:31.000 Right around 2000-ish, 99, 2000. That's when I really started to figure out who I was.

03:06:37.000 But then also, I got real distracted back then, too, because I was doing Fear Factor.

03:06:42.000 So I was working in the 2000s.

03:06:44.000 I was working a lot only in L.A. because I was so...

03:06:50.000 Worn out.

03:06:51.000 Yeah.

03:06:51.000 I was so cooked because I was doing stand-up and I was doing Fear Factor constantly and then Doug and I did the man show for a couple years in there too and I was just and I was I was not saying no to anything.

03:07:02.000 I was saying yes to every fucking show that came along so I was fried.

03:07:05.000 But I feel like also that experience Fear Factor and everything from that probably even if you weren't doing stand-up as much like allowed you to figure out yourself in a different way outside of stand-up. 0.89

03:07:17.000 Yeah.

03:07:18.000 And bring it back into that.

03:07:19.000 Yeah, you know what it did? 1.00

03:07:20.000 It gave me fuck you money. 1.00

03:07:21.000 That's what it did. 1.00

03:07:22.000 That was one of the best things about Fear Factor is it gave me financial freedom.

03:07:28.000 So I was like, okay, let me put that money aside.

03:07:30.000 So if I just live like a normal person, I don't ever have to work again.

03:07:33.000 So let me just set that aside and then let me just not think like I have to preserve myself and instead think, what do I really think?

03:07:43.000 What am I really trying to do?

03:07:46.000 Let me figure out how to do comedy that I like.

03:07:49.000 And then also realize that as great a job as Fear Factor was, it was great to have that kind of an opportunity.

03:07:56.000 I love that show.

03:07:58.000 But at the end of the day, I realized I don't want to do that.

03:08:00.000 Yeah.

03:08:00.000 You know, it's great to have the money and it's great to have the freedom.

03:08:04.000 And that freedom is very valuable because the freedom to not worry about, not make decisions based on money is And to not protect, you know, like worry about what you say.

03:08:15.000 I don't want to piss people off and not get a gig or not get a this.

03:08:18.000 That was giant.

03:08:19.000 And then I really started focusing once that was off.

03:08:24.000 Then I really started focusing on stand-up.

03:08:26.000 Have they ever tried to do like hit you up for Fear Factor reboots or anything like that?

03:08:29.000 We did a Fear Factor reboot for a little bit in 2011. It was a tremendous mistake.

03:08:34.000 I shouldn't have done it. 0.96

03:08:36.000 But it got canceled because we made people drink cum. 0.98

03:08:42.000 A lot of people do that not on TV. Not that much, though.

03:08:46.000 Oh, it was a large quantities. 0.98

03:08:48.000 Donkey cum. 0.96

03:08:48.000 It was like about the size of this pitcher. 0.96

03:08:54.000 And it got out on TMZ. They found out that we had these people drink cum. 0.96

03:08:57.000 Oh, I think I remember you telling me this.

03:08:59.000 Yeah, and it got canceled. 0.99

03:09:00.000 Damn. 1.00

03:09:01.000 So I got saved by donkey cum. 1.00

03:09:02.000 Yeah, thank God for donkeys. 0.99

03:09:04.000 Because I was like...

03:09:05.000 But I was worried they were going to kill people.

03:09:06.000 Because the stunts, they ramped up.

03:09:09.000 They made them much bigger, much crazier.

03:09:11.000 And it was just like, Jesus Christ.

03:09:13.000 They were going a little too far.

03:09:15.000 And a lot of stunt people, they're wild folks.

03:09:19.000 Like the people who test the stunts before they go on there?

03:09:22.000 Well, the people that created them and test them.

03:09:23.000 Oh, yeah. 0.99

03:09:24.000 But you got to realize, like, people that are in the stunt business that do that for a living, they're fucking wild people. 0.99

03:09:29.000 Yeah. 0.97

03:09:29.000 They're, like, they take risks, you know? 0.97

03:09:33.000 Like, they're hardy, crazy people. 1.00

03:09:35.000 And when you tell them, let's ramp this up, they're like, fuck it. 1.00

03:09:39.000 Sounds good. 0.99

03:09:39.000 Let's ramp it up. 0.99

03:09:40.000 Yeah.

03:09:40.000 And then, you know, there was some moments where I was like, I think we're going a little too far here, folks.

03:09:45.000 You know?

03:09:46.000 Yeah.

03:09:47.000 But, got away with it.

03:09:49.000 I wish I could have done it.

03:09:50.000 I'm glad you didn't.

03:09:53.000 I want to eat worms or something.

03:09:55.000 Why?

03:09:55.000 I don't know.

03:09:56.000 I just want to see when I'm put in that position what I'm capable of.

03:10:01.000 It's kind of like I want to get into a fight, but I'm afraid of fighting.

03:10:05.000 I want an altercation at a bar where I can just see in my natural element how good of a fighter I would be.

03:10:12.000 I think I'm probably not good.

03:10:15.000 Way easier to eat worms than to get in a fight.

03:10:17.000 Yeah, I'd rather eat the worms.

03:10:19.000 You can just eat worms, you know?

03:10:20.000 You got any worms?

03:10:21.000 We could film it.

03:10:22.000 We could do it for YouTube.

03:10:24.000 No, you don't want to, listen.

03:10:25.000 Bring some worms in here. 1.00

03:10:26.000 When we would feed people worms, we'd put them on a very specific diet for a long period of time.

03:10:30.000 Like the bugs, they had to eat certain foods, so they weren't eating trash.

03:10:35.000 They weren't bugs that had diseases.

03:10:37.000 Oh, yeah.

03:10:37.000 They were bugs that had been raised.

03:10:39.000 Vegan bugs.

03:10:40.000 They give them specific foods to sort of cleanse their system out.

03:10:44.000 Keto cockroaches. 0.99

03:10:45.000 Yeah, that's something along those lines. 1.00

03:10:47.000 All right, dude, we've got to wrap this bitch up. 1.00

03:10:49.000 All right. 0.99

03:10:49.000 I've got to get out of here. 0.99

03:10:50.000 I've got a meat tour after this.

03:10:51.000 When are your shows?

03:10:54.000 Tell people.

03:10:55.000 You can go to AllieMakovsky.com slash shows.

03:10:59.000 I think next I'm going to Washington, D.C. And then I'm going to Chicago.

03:11:03.000 So you finished your Texas run?

03:11:05.000 Yeah, Texas is over.

03:11:06.000 I'm here for a week just hanging out and jumping on other people's shows.

03:11:10.000 All right.

03:11:10.000 Yeah.

03:11:11.000 All right.

03:11:12.000 Well, I'm going to take you to the club and show you what we're doing.

03:11:15.000 All right.

03:11:15.000 Allie Makovsky, ladies and gentlemen.

03:11:17.000 Thank you, Joe.

03:11:18.000 Thank you, my friend.

03:11:18.000 Bye, everybody.

The Joe Rogan Experience - April 13, 2021

Joe Rogan Experience #1633 - Ali Macofsky

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