The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #1686 - Ari Shaffir

00:00:14.000 You decided to shave your head now, huh?

00:00:16.000 Yeah.

00:00:16.000 I like it.

00:00:17.000 It's better, right?

00:00:18.000 It's smoother and it's easier.

00:00:20.000 Yeah.

00:00:20.000 Yes.

00:00:21.000 Imagine going to a barbershop now.

00:00:21.000 So much better.

00:00:24.000 God took care of a lot of it.

00:00:25.000 God took care of it. 0.88

00:00:27.000 God cursed you. 0.88

00:00:27.000 Yeah. 0.88

00:00:28.000 Too much scalp.

00:00:29.000 I want it back.

00:00:31.000 Do you?

00:00:31.000 I really want to do a Mohawk correctly.

00:00:34.000 And I want it for a little bit.

00:00:36.000 Remember how much fun I'd have in my hair?

00:00:38.000 Well, you could do stuff with your hair to get it back that's not as dangerous as the...

00:00:45.000 Staples?

00:00:46.000 No.

00:00:47.000 No, no, no, no, no.

00:00:48.000 There's a guy named Derek.

00:00:51.000 He's got a website called More Plates, More Dates.

00:00:54.000 And he talks a lot about...

00:00:58.000 Hormone optimization, all kinds of stuff, but also recovering hair loss.

00:01:02.000 And there's a bunch of different things you can do.

00:01:04.000 There's topical shampoos that remove DHT from the scalp that help bring your hair back.

00:01:10.000 But it'll get back?

00:01:11.000 I don't know, man.

00:01:12.000 You're pretty far gone.

00:01:14.000 There's this Amazonian treatment for it. 0.78

00:01:17.000 Amazonian?

00:01:17.000 Yeah.

00:01:20.000 And then I found this lady who was like, there's a lot of fake shit on the market there. 1.00

00:01:24.000 Can I curse on this? 0.99

00:01:27.000 I'm so sorry.

00:01:29.000 Sorry, I won't do it again.

00:01:31.000 That's hilarious.

00:01:31.000 And so she could smell it and tell that's real.

00:01:33.000 Oh, no way.

00:01:34.000 That's a lot of corn oil.

00:01:36.000 And I was like, see this botanist guy?

00:01:37.000 I was like, will it work?

00:01:38.000 And he was like, yes.

00:01:39.000 And then he looks up and he goes...

00:01:41.000 Unless you're too far gone, then it will not work.

00:01:44.000 But he goes, none of those people on the Amazon have hair loss.

00:01:46.000 Really?

00:01:47.000 And that's why. 1.00

00:01:47.000 Yeah, all those fucking... 1.00

00:01:48.000 We talked about all those... 1.00

00:01:49.000 Mostly it's genetic, though.

00:01:51.000 Yeah.

00:01:52.000 Mostly it's genetic.

00:01:53.000 If a lot of people on the Amazon don't have it, I doubt it's because they're all rubbing leaves on their head.

00:01:57.000 I get what you're saying.

00:01:58.000 Because it's not a common thing amongst Native Americans that are pure blood.

00:02:04.000 Really?

00:02:04.000 Yeah.

00:02:05.000 People that are pure Native American, it's not a very common thing.

00:02:07.000 Everyone talks about how hard it is to be Native American, but the full locks of hair. 0.66

00:02:11.000 Well, you do have to realize that 95% of them died from the plague.

00:02:17.000 Yeah.

00:02:17.000 And then there's a litter also, which they never liked.

00:02:21.000 You know.

00:02:21.000 Litter?

00:02:22.000 Oh, the Indian that cried?

00:02:24.000 Yeah.

00:02:24.000 The pollution?

00:02:25.000 The last 5% was like, come on, guys! 0.99

00:02:28.000 There's 5% of us left, and you're chucking shit in our yard. 0.95

00:02:30.000 Yeah, I was listening to this thing where these settlers, post-smallpox, were arriving in towns, and there would be no one in the town. 0.98

00:02:42.000 It would be ghosts, and they thought the people had abandoned the town.

00:02:45.000 They hadn't figured it out yet, but it would literally look like the entire town was wiped out.

00:02:49.000 From the plague?

00:02:50.000 From the plague, yeah. 1.00

00:02:51.000 Damn. 1.00

00:02:52.000 That was a really common thing. 0.99

00:02:53.000 They think that's what happened to South America.

00:02:55.000 They think that's what happened to the Amazon. 0.99

00:02:57.000 They think that the lost city of Z, the lost city of Zed, however you want to say it, they think that that was a massive civilization that existed in the Amazon, and then the European settlers came down, and just like they did with the Mayans, just like they did with the Native Americans, 0.98

00:03:12.000 just like they did with it, they brought horrible fucking diseases and everybody died. 0.99

00:03:16.000 Wow. 1.00

00:03:16.000 That's the number one theory. 1.00

00:03:18.000 Because, like, people are thinking about what's going on right now, right?

00:03:22.000 You know, like, see how even a disease that doesn't kill, you know, a high percentage of people can spread throughout this entire country.

00:03:32.000 And hundreds of, I mean, I don't know how many people have been infected by COVID now.

00:03:37.000 It's got to be in the millions, right?

00:03:39.000 We've got it and recovered.

00:03:41.000 Now, imagine if that was smallpox.

00:03:43.000 Then they're all dead.

00:03:44.000 They're all dead. 0.95

00:03:45.000 Yeah.

00:03:45.000 Wow, yeah.

00:03:46.000 Most of them are dead.

00:03:47.000 Like, it's a high percentage.

00:03:49.000 Especially back then.

00:03:49.000 And the people that survive, you're horribly scarred forever.

00:03:53.000 You have these horrible pockmarks all over your face. 1.00

00:03:55.000 And they had no antibodies for that shit, right? 1.00

00:03:57.000 Nope. 1.00

00:03:58.000 For whatever the settlers came with?

00:04:00.000 Well, even the Europeans... 0.99

00:04:01.000 Had a rough time with that, but for the Native Americans, everything the Europeans brought over, all their diseases. 1.00

00:04:07.000 Was all new.

00:04:08.000 All of it was new.

00:04:09.000 No one had any immunity to it, and so these people who, the Europeans who were surviving with these diseases, came in and infected untold numbers of people.

00:04:18.000 They don't even know how many people died from the plague in the Native American populations.

00:04:24.000 They just think the estimate is somewhere in the neighborhood of 90 plus percent of all the people who are dead.

00:04:29.000 How many Indians were there?

00:04:30.000 That's what they think.

00:04:31.000 They think there was millions. 0.95

00:04:32.000 But when, you know, by the time like the 1800s came around and they started trying to round them up and put them in reservations and all that horrible shit, there was way less.

00:04:43.000 But like in 1550, in 1492, whatever, like how many, do they have any estimate of how many there were?

00:04:48.000 They think there were millions.

00:04:50.000 Two millions?

00:04:51.000 A hundred?

00:04:51.000 It's a good question.

00:04:52.000 It's hard to say, right?

00:04:53.000 Because they have, like...

00:04:55.000 One of the things that happens is, like, you have the first wave of people that come in, like, 14-whatever.

00:05:01.000 East Coast? 0.99

00:05:02.000 They land, and then who knows how many fucking people they infect? 1.00

00:05:02.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:05:05.000 Right away.

00:05:06.000 And they spread it, spread it, spread it.

00:05:07.000 So if another wave comes back in 50 years, how many people are left?

00:05:11.000 How many people died from the initial infection?

00:05:13.000 Yeah.

00:05:13.000 But all these books about Native Americans talk about just a wave through people.

00:05:17.000 60 million?

00:05:18.000 What is that?

00:05:19.000 60 million in 1492. Damn, that's a bright... 0.98

00:05:22.000 Look at that TV. By combining all published estimates from populations throughout the Americas, we find a probable indigenous population of 60 million in 1492. Europe's population at the time was 70 to 88 million. 0.98

00:05:34.000 See, scroll down there.

00:05:35.000 What killed 90% of the Native American population between 50 and 160 smallpox?

00:05:41.000 When the New Europeans arrived, carrying germs which thrived in dense semi-urban populations, the indigenous people, the Americans, were effectively doomed. 0.92

00:05:48.000 That is amazing, man.

00:05:50.000 90%. 1.00

00:05:51.000 It's a scary fucking number, man. 1.00

00:05:56.000 Is that a flat screen? 1.00

00:05:57.000 That's really nice.

00:05:58.000 Of course it's flat screen.

00:05:59.000 What are you living in the past?

00:06:00.000 What are you saying, man? 1.00

00:06:00.000 Damn, bro. 1.00

00:06:01.000 Can you swear on TV? The big boxes still out there. 1.00

00:06:04.000 People still have those?

00:06:05.000 You see it and you realize, that's somebody old just to touch. 1.00

00:06:07.000 For sure.

00:06:08.000 Or got put in a home.

00:06:09.000 Where you're like, who would still have it?

00:06:11.000 My grandpa had one of them cabinet ones.

00:06:14.000 Where you open up the cabinet, and the TV was like a part of the furniture.

00:06:18.000 It was so classy.

00:06:19.000 And then underneath was where all the VHS tapes went?

00:06:22.000 There was no VHS tapes when he had it.

00:06:23.000 No, it was none of that.

00:06:25.000 And then a lot of times what would happen, that TV would die, and they would put a new TV on top of the cabinet.

00:06:32.000 That's right.

00:06:32.000 That would be the move.

00:06:33.000 That's right.

00:06:34.000 Because you can't throw away the cabinet.

00:06:35.000 It's a nice cabinet. 1.00

00:06:37.000 Damn. 0.99

00:06:37.000 It's a beautiful piece of furniture. 0.99

00:06:39.000 It was like ornately designed and the whole deal.

00:06:41.000 And you open up the cabinet to watch TV and you slide the doors into the sides.

00:06:45.000 Oh yeah, the thing would come out too.

00:06:47.000 You put the slider.

00:06:48.000 Yeah.

00:06:49.000 Yeah.

00:06:51.000 Classy.

00:06:52.000 Old tubes.

00:06:53.000 They have black and white TV. There's people doing art stuff with them now.

00:06:56.000 They're picking them out and putting flowers in there or something.

00:07:00.000 Yeah, but that's art you don't really want.

00:07:02.000 Right?

00:07:03.000 Like, okay, I see what you did.

00:07:05.000 I appreciate that you're not just trying to throw it out, but who wants that in their house?

00:07:08.000 Yeah, but you're like, it's got no swords in it. 0.99

00:07:10.000 This art sucks. 1.00

00:07:12.000 You'd be like, look at this stupid old cabinet. 1.00

00:07:15.000 It's kind of cool, though, but so are old computers, right? 0.99

00:07:18.000 Like, if you have, like, an Apple II. Remember the colorful apples?

00:07:21.000 Oh, yeah.

00:07:22.000 The iMacs.

00:07:23.000 Uh-huh.

00:07:24.000 You could see the inside, too. 0.99

00:07:25.000 That was like, damn! 0.97

00:07:27.000 They could bring a new version of that back, but now the iMacs are, like, thin as that pad you have. 0.98

00:07:32.000 Yeah.

00:07:33.000 They just did that.

00:07:35.000 They're, like, they're all colors now.

00:07:36.000 Oh, really?

00:07:36.000 The first time in 15 years.

00:07:37.000 Yeah, they got gold.

00:07:38.000 But not crazy colors.

00:07:39.000 Oh, yeah, that's right.

00:07:40.000 What do they look like?

00:07:41.000 It's just, like, the flat screen with the colored back and...

00:07:43.000 Let me see what it looks like.

00:07:44.000 They're so thin now.

00:07:47.000 It's really amazing.

00:07:48.000 Ooh, like that.

00:07:49.000 Look, you've got a plastic protector on your laptop.

00:07:52.000 How can you protect your laptop and not everything else in your laptop?

00:07:55.000 You mean condoms?

00:07:56.000 Because this doesn't feel worse.

00:07:58.000 Look at that.

00:07:59.000 Oh, they're sweet.

00:08:01.000 Oh, like a real iMac.

00:08:02.000 That's so thin.

00:08:04.000 Like an iPad.

00:08:06.000 That's how thin they are.

00:08:07.000 That's amazing.

00:08:09.000 And that's like all you need, right?

00:08:10.000 That does everything you need. 0.96

00:08:11.000 You definitely can't play this on sound because they bought the rights to this, some fucking hip music to play behind it, right? 0.95

00:08:16.000 I'm sure they did. 0.99

00:08:17.000 They fucking robbed the Beatles or whatever. 0.99

00:08:21.000 It's pretty beautiful though. 1.00

00:08:22.000 Those look fucking clutch. 1.00

00:08:24.000 Is that Ally McCoskey in that fucking commercial? 1.00

00:08:25.000 Ally's trying to get paid. 1.00

00:08:26.000 Leave her alone, bro. 1.00

00:08:30.000 11.5 millimeters thin. 1.00

00:08:32.000 Holy shit. 0.99

00:08:34.000 That's tiny. 0.99

00:08:35.000 Is that real size?

00:08:36.000 That sounds awesome until you realize you don't know what a millimeter is.

00:08:38.000 I know what it is.

00:08:39.000 How dare you.

00:08:40.000 I just found out how much a kilogram is.

00:08:44.000 Found out I'm 90.7 kilograms.

00:08:47.000 Kilograms? 0.94

00:08:48.000 Yeah.

00:08:48.000 Heavy?

00:08:51.000 That's a...

00:08:52.000 Kilograms in Celsius. 0.93

00:08:53.000 Like, get the fuck out of here with that. 0.97

00:08:54.000 Like, on the wall up there, oh, we've changed it to Fahrenheit. 0.97

00:08:57.000 Thank the baby Jesus.

00:08:58.000 It was Celsius for a while.

00:08:59.000 It's the only way to learn.

00:09:00.000 So confusing.

00:09:01.000 Yeah, you have to leave it at Celsius.

00:09:02.000 Yeah, you have to leave it and, like, slowly start to learn. 0.99

00:09:04.000 Yeah, because you look at 24 Celsius, you're like, that ain't shit. 1.00

00:09:07.000 Meanwhile, you're gonna die. 0.99

00:09:09.000 No, 24 Celsius is not bad.

00:09:11.000 Isn't it like 100 degrees?

00:09:12.000 No.

00:09:14.000 It's 34 Celsius.

00:09:15.000 Yeah, 34, 35 is a lot.

00:09:16.000 I'm thinking 34. I was in Vegas last weekend, and it was 117 degrees.

00:09:23.000 117, dude.

00:09:23.000 It was so hot.

00:09:24.000 We got off the plane. 0.99

00:09:25.000 It was like, holy shit. 0.99

00:09:28.000 It was like a hair dryer just blowing in your face. 0.99

00:09:30.000 It's dry, but it's like, it beats down on you sometimes there. 1.00

00:09:33.000 There in Phoenix would get you like, fuck! 1.00

00:09:36.000 Exactly, exactly. 1.00

00:09:37.000 There in Phoenix.

00:09:38.000 I was walking on this ship in Vegas a long time ago, and my Chuck Taylors on the cement, so walking like 30-40 minutes, started to melt.

00:09:45.000 It started to feel like I stepped in gum on both shoes.

00:09:47.000 Whoa! 0.71

00:09:49.000 Yeah, too hot.

00:09:49.000 Really?

00:09:51.000 Holy shit! 1.00

00:09:53.000 Yeah, it's not made for that. 1.00

00:09:54.000 You can melt your sneakers?

00:09:56.000 It can get that hot?

00:09:58.000 What temperature do sneakers melt that? 0.59

00:10:00.000 Yeah.

00:10:03.000 Redame this podcast.

00:10:04.000 Let's look it up with Joe Rogan.

00:10:05.000 Yeah, you would need work shoes. 0.99

00:10:06.000 You would need like fucking heavy duty work boots to walk. 0.99

00:10:10.000 Oh yeah, exactly. 0.99

00:10:12.000 Like something fucking really thick. 0.96

00:10:13.000 You couldn't have steel toe because they'll burn your toes. 0.98

00:10:15.000 Yeah, I got some dress shoes from David August that are, they have leather on the bottom of them.

00:10:21.000 I never owned a pair of shoes that have leather soles.

00:10:23.000 Interesting.

00:10:24.000 Yeah, so you have to scuff them up.

00:10:26.000 So I haven't scuffed them up.

00:10:27.000 Otherwise, they're real slippery.

00:10:28.000 That's why I would never wear them.

00:10:30.000 I'm like, these things, you're like, you're putting yourself at a significant handicap just walking around.

00:10:34.000 Shabbat shoes. 1.00

00:10:35.000 Oh, shit! 1.00

00:10:36.000 It was so hot in Texas a couple years ago. 1.00

00:10:38.000 Wow.

00:10:39.000 Look at that.

00:10:39.000 That is really melting.

00:10:41.000 Oh, so the glue was melting.

00:10:43.000 Maybe, yeah.

00:10:43.000 Yeah.

00:10:44.000 Damn. 1.00

00:10:45.000 Goddamn. 1.00

00:10:45.000 But that's only 106 degrees. 1.00

00:10:47.000 It takes 250 to melt rubber, so.

00:10:49.000 Huh.

00:10:50.000 Well, I guess it's just...

00:10:52.000 Well, the cement takes more.

00:10:52.000 Yeah, so I was looking up how hot it gets.

00:10:55.000 I'm glad you found that, because when I said it was melting, and then we were like, how hot does that have to be?

00:10:58.000 I'm like, could this be a false memory?

00:11:02.000 If it looked like you're dead wrong.

00:11:03.000 There was a thought at one point in time, like there was a suggestion to paint all the roads white.

00:11:10.000 To try to eliminate some of the heat that comes in cities, which really makes sense.

00:11:15.000 You look at all the streets, they're all black. 1.00

00:11:17.000 Black is the worst in terms of reflecting the sun.

00:11:19.000 It makes it very hot.

00:11:21.000 And they were going to paint everything white.

00:11:23.000 What happened?

00:11:24.000 I don't know.

00:11:25.000 I think they probably realized that cost a lot of money.

00:11:27.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:11:28.000 That's a good idea.

00:11:29.000 Who's going to do that?

00:11:31.000 So, did you go back to New York?

00:11:35.000 You're in New York.

00:11:36.000 Back to New York.

00:11:36.000 Got a new place.

00:11:37.000 You were in South America for how many months?

00:11:39.000 Ces meses.

00:11:40.000 Six months.

00:11:42.000 How do you say that?

00:11:43.000 Ces.

00:11:43.000 Ces meses?

00:11:44.000 Meses.

00:11:45.000 Is meses a month?

00:11:47.000 Yeah.

00:11:48.000 How good are you at speaking Spanish?

00:11:48.000 Plural.

00:11:50.000 It got a lot better, for sure, for sure.

00:11:52.000 Because you can have conversations with people?

00:11:53.000 Yeah.

00:11:54.000 I mean, okay, so if you put me in, like, legal situation, I'm like, oh, I don't come across these words much.

00:12:00.000 Or like the dentist.

00:12:02.000 What if you say, how do I buy marijuana?

00:12:02.000 I'm like, this is all new.

00:12:07.000 It's already dropped a little bit.

00:12:10.000 To purchase.

00:12:10.000 Really?

00:12:11.000 Fuck, I forgot that word. 1.00

00:12:12.000 You lived with a family. 1.00

00:12:13.000 Mota. 0.87

00:12:14.000 Yeah.

00:12:14.000 Mota marijuana?

00:12:15.000 No, mota is marijuana.

00:12:16.000 Oh, mota.

00:12:17.000 Yeah.

00:12:18.000 This is funny.

00:12:20.000 Marijuana is a Mexican word.

00:12:21.000 You'd be like Tienes Mota? 0.99

00:12:23.000 Tienes Mota.

00:12:23.000 Do you have mota?

00:12:25.000 Why is it mota?

00:12:27.000 I don't know.

00:12:28.000 Instead of marijuana?

00:12:29.000 Well, marijuana is...

00:12:31.000 I think they call it marijuana, though.

00:12:33.000 That word comes from a Mexican word for wild tobacco.

00:12:38.000 It's a slang for wild tobacco.

00:12:40.000 That's why they used it during the scare days.

00:12:43.000 During the Harry Anslinger... 1.00

00:12:47.000 The wild, like, black guys are going to fuck your wives if you smoke weed. 1.00

00:12:50.000 Exactly. 1.00

00:12:50.000 That's what they did to try to scare people. 1.00

00:12:52.000 They called it marijuana because if they called it cannabis, people knew that that was used for hemp.

00:12:58.000 And that was already used as textile and it was already a commodity.

00:13:02.000 And so to ban it, they had to make sure that they made it something exotic.

00:13:06.000 So they called it marijuana and all these people freaked out.

00:13:09.000 It's funny that they don't even use that term in Mexico.

00:13:11.000 Really?

00:13:12.000 It was just stolen from them?

00:13:13.000 You're saying mota.

00:13:14.000 You could find it there, but it was difficult.

00:13:16.000 I don't know if it was COVID stuff.

00:13:19.000 Oh yeah?

00:13:20.000 Because the nightclubs weren't open, and that's where people were like, go to the nightclubs, but that's where I'd get it, but they're not really open right now.

00:13:26.000 Interesting. 0.90

00:13:27.000 Yeah, so when we found some, we found some, and we were like, it took like a week and a half, two weeks, and we're like, fuck, we might not get some. 0.71

00:13:33.000 We kept looking at people that were smoking, like, can we go up to them and say, can I buy some off you? 0.89

00:13:38.000 But that's so weird.

00:13:38.000 Like, if you were smoking with me and someone's like, can I buy some weed?

00:13:41.000 You'd be like, no.

00:13:43.000 Even if it was legal, I'd be like, this is mine.

00:13:44.000 Well, not only that, you have to worry about organized crime, right?

00:13:47.000 You have to worry about getting wrapped up with the wrong humans.

00:13:51.000 Yeah, I wasn't a worry there.

00:13:52.000 You weren't in a bad spot?

00:13:54.000 That's just Guayaquil.

00:13:55.000 The rest was all pretty cool.

00:13:56.000 That's just where?

00:13:58.000 Guayaquil.

00:13:59.000 That's where the gangs are.

00:14:00.000 Oh, okay.

00:14:01.000 It's the biggest city.

00:14:03.000 This is in Ecuador?

00:14:04.000 But then when we found some, we were like, do you have?

00:14:04.000 Mm-hmm.

00:14:07.000 And he was like, yeah, I can get some tomorrow.

00:14:09.000 I can make my buddy to a head shop.

00:14:10.000 He's like, I'll bring it back tomorrow.

00:14:12.000 So he did.

00:14:13.000 And he goes, how much do you want?

00:14:15.000 And we're like...

00:14:16.000 Well, yeah.

00:14:16.000 A pound.

00:14:17.000 So I go, how much is it?

00:14:18.000 He goes, it's like a dollar a gram, so I can get 30 grams for 30 bucks.

00:14:22.000 And I was like, oh, I don't know if we want like an ounce, maybe just like a quarter ounce.

00:14:26.000 And my partner was like, no, we're going to take an ounce.

00:14:29.000 It's $30, even if it's terrible.

00:14:32.000 And it's so strong.

00:14:34.000 Really?

00:14:34.000 So strong.

00:14:36.000 Like California weed.

00:14:38.000 No.

00:14:39.000 Stronger.

00:14:40.000 Okay.

00:14:40.000 Not as strong.

00:14:41.000 More psychedelic.

00:14:42.000 Whoa.

00:14:43.000 I was sitting smoking in the Amazon and I started seeing lines.

00:14:46.000 Like lines in the horizon.

00:14:48.000 Like you know when you're like tripping a little?

00:14:49.000 Yeah.

00:14:49.000 It was like that.

00:14:50.000 It wasn't that it would obliterate me the way like heavy like I don't know Blue Dream would do.

00:14:56.000 But like, yeah, you would get these psychedelic waves.

00:14:58.000 You think it was laced?

00:14:59.000 Yeah.

00:15:00.000 For sure.

00:15:00.000 Really?

00:15:01.000 With what?

00:15:01.000 I don't know.

00:15:02.000 People said they put acid on it, but I don't think you can like smoke acid.

00:15:05.000 Let's find out.

00:15:06.000 So, Jamie.

00:15:07.000 Can you smoke acid?

00:15:08.000 Next on Looking It Up with Joe Rogan.

00:15:09.000 I'm thinking about the lines.

00:15:11.000 Yeah, it was weird.

00:15:12.000 And we were like, oh, maybe I just haven't smoked in a while.

00:15:15.000 And then both of us were like, no, we're potheads.

00:15:17.000 So there's no like, we know what this is.

00:15:19.000 Something different.

00:15:20.000 Yeah.

00:15:21.000 Huh.

00:15:22.000 It was wild.

00:15:23.000 And then we went back and we're like, do you have anything not so strong?

00:15:26.000 And he goes, I can get some fluffier flour.

00:15:28.000 And it was 30 bucks for one gram.

00:15:31.000 Oh.

00:15:32.000 And it wasn't as strong. 1.00

00:15:33.000 Their whole system was fucked. 1.00

00:15:35.000 Wasn't as strong, but it's more pure, so they're giving you some shit that's... 1.00

00:15:39.000 I don't know. 0.99

00:15:40.000 It was all mushed down, like, you know, it's wet and like smushed.

00:15:43.000 I bet it had a little acid.

00:15:44.000 It had to have something in it.

00:15:46.000 We thought about it over and over again.

00:15:46.000 It had to.

00:15:48.000 You've done acid many times.

00:15:49.000 You know what acid feels like.

00:15:50.000 Did it feel like acid?

00:15:51.000 It felt a little bit like that.

00:15:53.000 Interesting.

00:15:53.000 But doesn't edibles feel a little bit like acid?

00:15:56.000 At times?

00:15:58.000 Do you think so?

00:15:59.000 I think when you close your eyes...

00:16:00.000 How many times have you done that?

00:16:01.000 Yeah, maybe when you start seeing stuff when your eyes are closed.

00:16:03.000 Yeah, maybe.

00:16:04.000 Edibles get pretty psychedelic at high doses when you're closing your eyes and it's dark out.

00:16:09.000 They just bury me. 1.00

00:16:10.000 Yeah, but when you close your eyes, you see wild shit. 0.99

00:16:14.000 And you start seeing stuff? 1.00

00:16:15.000 I remember I was on a plane once and I saw these neon cartoons fucking. 0.99

00:16:21.000 It was just all these neon cartoons just fucking and making more neon cartoons. 0.99

00:16:25.000 They were just constantly making... 0.99

00:16:27.000 But they were like neon, like really bright.

00:16:31.000 Humanoids? 0.97

00:16:32.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:16:32.000 Sort of humanoid, but some of them were like Goofy or Donald Duck-ish.

00:16:39.000 You know, just like cartoonish. 1.00

00:16:41.000 But they were all trying to fuck. 1.00

00:16:42.000 Wow. 1.00

00:16:43.000 And they were all like made out of neon.

00:16:45.000 They were almost like...

00:16:47.000 Well, I was awake, yeah, but I had my eyes completely closed.

00:16:47.000 No.

00:16:49.000 I was obliterated.

00:16:53.000 Obliterated.

00:16:53.000 There's no way to fly.

00:16:54.000 I was just closing my eyes, and I was just watching these things happen.

00:16:57.000 They were just almost like fractal. 0.99

00:16:59.000 They were giving birth and making new cartoons and fucking each other. 1.00

00:17:04.000 Damn. 1.00

00:17:05.000 Yeah, it was wild. 1.00

00:17:05.000 Damn. 1.00

00:17:06.000 I've never had that on edibles. 0.99

00:17:07.000 That's cool.

00:17:08.000 I was so blasted.

00:17:10.000 I think that was one of the trips with Joey, where he would give you those chibichus and... 1.00

00:17:15.000 You didn't know what you're doing.

00:17:16.000 You don't know what you're doing.

00:17:17.000 Until halfway in. 1.00

00:17:18.000 See him smiling and you're like, fuck! 1.00

00:17:20.000 I can't get out of this. 1.00

00:17:21.000 You can't get out of it.

00:17:22.000 Yeah.

00:17:23.000 And his ability to absorb them is insane.

00:17:26.000 It's just so stunning how much he can put in his body and tolerate.

00:17:31.000 He's like, I saw him the other day, and he's like, I barely even do any intervals.

00:17:34.000 I get high, and I'm like, I forgot the number he gave me, like 100 milligrams.

00:17:37.000 I'm like, that's massive still!

00:17:39.000 That's way more than anyone!

00:17:40.000 100 milligrams is a good dose.

00:17:42.000 People take five, people take 30, and that's like a pro.

00:17:45.000 You're on dad's level.

00:17:47.000 My favorite thing to do with air travel is a 200 milligram dose. 1.00

00:17:52.000 Damn. 0.99

00:17:53.000 If you know you've got to be in a plane for six hours, if you know you've got to be in a plane for six hours, you know you could just curl up in that chair and just be obliterated for five hours. 1.00

00:18:03.000 The old breast strip days would get me, 25 would get me that for six hours. 1.00

00:18:07.000 Those were so inconsistent.

00:18:08.000 Yeah, they were.

00:18:09.000 Sometimes they would get you nothing. 1.00

00:18:10.000 And sometimes you'd be fucked. 1.00

00:18:12.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:18:13.000 You never knew.

00:18:14.000 Never knew.

00:18:14.000 Yeah.

00:18:15.000 It sounds like you cannot smoke LST. Interesting.

00:18:18.000 What can you lace weed with?

00:18:20.000 Fentanyl, I've heard of a lot.

00:18:21.000 Hell yeah, I'm a huge fentanyl fan now then.

00:18:23.000 Or PCP. Oh, maybe that.

00:18:25.000 But like they would have had to spray it on there or something.

00:18:27.000 I bet you had PCP. I don't know how you would have done that.

00:18:29.000 Do you know that PCP is essentially the same thing as ketamine?

00:18:34.000 Yeah, I didn't know that.

00:18:34.000 Oh.

00:18:35.000 Interesting.

00:18:36.000 I wouldn't know that, no.

00:18:37.000 Dr. Carl Hart explained that to me.

00:18:39.000 Wild, right?

00:18:40.000 Yeah.

00:18:40.000 Would never think.

00:18:41.000 Although, like, PCP is the crazy drug.

00:18:44.000 You run through walls and fight the cops.

00:18:45.000 Yeah, right?

00:18:46.000 Yeah, jump out of a building and get right back up.

00:18:48.000 Run through a glass window. 1.00

00:18:48.000 Yeah, you don't give a fuck. 1.00

00:18:49.000 Well, they mislabel a lot of drugs sometimes where they're like, this guy was on, like... 0.99

00:18:54.000 They had marijuana systems. 0.74

00:18:55.000 You're like, no, no, no, no, no.

00:18:56.000 It was bath salts.

00:18:57.000 Or they call it something and you find out later what it actually is because they're too much of a nerd to actually know there's a new drug in the market.

00:19:02.000 The bath salt days were hilarious.

00:19:05.000 Yeah.

00:19:06.000 Eating face?

00:19:06.000 Remember those days?

00:19:07.000 The eating face guy.

00:19:07.000 Yeah.

00:19:08.000 That guy ate some dude's face. 0.99

00:19:10.000 And a cop was like, lost it.

00:19:11.000 He was like, I don't know what to do. 1.00

00:19:13.000 He was like, stop eating his fucking face. 1.00

00:19:15.000 And he just shot the guy. 1.00

00:19:17.000 He was like, stop eating his face immediately.

00:19:20.000 Bro, have you ever talked to cops about some of the things they've seen?

00:19:23.000 I like dark stuff.

00:19:24.000 I should now from now on. 0.99

00:19:26.000 I had a conversation recently with a cop who's telling me some horrible shit. 0.99

00:19:31.000 He caught a guy as he murdered his wife in front of their kids. 1.00

00:19:36.000 He was there as he murdered her on top of her strangling her.

00:19:41.000 Wow.

00:19:41.000 Yeah.

00:19:42.000 They got there.

00:19:43.000 She was already dead.

00:19:43.000 They tried to revive her.

00:19:44.000 But the kids were screaming at the guy.

00:19:46.000 He got out of jail and was telling everybody- Got out of jail? 0.99

00:19:49.000 Telling everybody when he gets out of jail he's going to kill her. 0.98

00:19:52.000 So he got out of jail. 1.00

00:19:53.000 And then killed her. 0.98

00:19:55.000 But they got there right as- Her last breath.

00:19:59.000 He was on top of her.

00:20:01.000 He had been choking her for who knows how many minutes.

00:20:03.000 And the kids had been screaming for who knows how long.

00:20:05.000 What did they do?

00:20:06.000 Did they shoot him?

00:20:06.000 Did they push him off?

00:20:07.000 I don't know.

00:20:08.000 I didn't ask.

00:20:09.000 I didn't ask.

00:20:10.000 There's that moment too where you bust in and you have to see it and analyze the situation and then run and push.

00:20:15.000 I guess they'd known of the guy and they knew the situation, people in the neighborhood. 0.99

00:20:21.000 Damn! 1.00

00:20:22.000 That's why when people say defund the police and use social workers to deal with domestic violence cases, I'm like, you're out of your fucking mind. 1.00

00:20:34.000 You're out of your fucking mind. 1.00

00:20:35.000 First of all, they're the most dangerous cases for cops. 1.00

00:20:37.000 Oh, yeah.

00:20:38.000 And they would just be as dangerous for a social worker, but they wouldn't be equipped to handle that in terms of building the use force. 0.99

00:20:43.000 The ones in Oz were always getting fucked up. 0.98

00:20:45.000 Oh, yeah. 0.99

00:20:46.000 I was like, I'm not equipped with this.

00:20:46.000 Oz.

00:20:48.000 Remember in the movies when every cop was like, I'm not seeing a shrink!

00:20:51.000 And now you're like, why wouldn't you?

00:20:54.000 Are you crazy after seeing a man murder his wife in front of his kids? 0.99

00:20:58.000 For sure see a shrink. 0.98

00:21:00.000 Yeah, that was just one of many things this guy told me. 1.00

00:21:03.000 He's seen a lot of horrible shit. 1.00

00:21:06.000 He's seen a lot of horrible shit. 1.00

00:21:08.000 And, you know, those guys, every time they go on a call, they could run into that. 1.00

00:21:13.000 Look, I'm not defending bad cops ever, you know?

00:21:18.000 Bad cops are like bad everything else.

00:21:20.000 There's just bad people. 1.00

00:21:21.000 There's people that suck. 1.00

00:21:23.000 They suck at everything. 1.00

00:21:24.000 They suck at being a waiter. 1.00

00:21:25.000 They suck at being a garbage man. 1.00

00:21:27.000 But when you suck at being a cop and you're a piece of shit who turns out to be a cop, it's horrible for everybody. 1.00

00:21:34.000 But I think... 1.00

00:21:35.000 Those are the guys.

00:21:36.000 Yeah, those are the problems.

00:21:38.000 But those are the ones also you should befriend.

00:21:40.000 Because they can bend the rules for you.

00:21:43.000 You know what I mean?

00:21:44.000 It's dangerous when they're not on your side, so get them on your side.

00:21:46.000 There's guys that just like the power.

00:21:49.000 Everyone does.

00:21:52.000 You give someone a gun?

00:21:54.000 I mean, immediately you've got to be like, people are scared of me now.

00:22:00.000 Not just that, but you're always worried that someone's going to shoot you, and you've got to be ready.

00:22:04.000 There's another thing I've been watching a lot lately, is cops pulling people over and then getting shot. 1.00

00:22:09.000 Damn. 0.99

00:22:10.000 That's your algorithm? 1.00

00:22:11.000 There's a lot of those videos.

00:22:12.000 There's a lot of those videos you can watch where cops are pulling people over and they say, license, and they're getting shot at before they even have a chance.

00:22:23.000 The guy was just ready for him to come up.

00:22:24.000 Guy in the backseat shooting out the window, tinted windows.

00:22:28.000 That's why every time they go up to a car that has tinted windows, they're freaking the fuck out.

00:22:31.000 Right, right, right.

00:22:32.000 Especially if there's tinted back windows, right?

00:22:34.000 They're rolling up to the front and the back's all tinted.

00:22:35.000 They don't know who's in there. 1.00

00:22:37.000 Fuck. 1.00

00:22:38.000 This video that I was watching, this cop was getting shot at through the backseat. 1.00

00:22:42.000 They gotta have, um, what's that shit you can see through into the... 0.99

00:22:45.000 Infrared or something? 0.99

00:22:46.000 Infrared, yeah.

00:22:47.000 The stuff they use in Predator. 1.00

00:22:49.000 Oh, that kind of shit. 1.00

00:22:50.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:22:51.000 See who's there, see what they carry.

00:22:52.000 It's probably illegal, but...

00:22:53.000 Yeah. 0.93

00:22:54.000 I mean, I don't know what the fuck the solution to that is. 0.97

00:22:57.000 Because, like, you're... 0.97

00:22:59.000 You're gonna pull over criminals.

00:23:00.000 You gotta pull people over for driving, though.

00:23:02.000 Too fast.

00:23:02.000 You gotta be like, hey, stop.

00:23:03.000 I have to give you some repercussions.

00:23:06.000 Or, you know, what if you pull over someone and you, you know, because you read their plate and maybe they're driving erratically and the guy reads their plate and he goes, oh, this is a wanted felon.

00:23:14.000 So now you gotta hit the lights and maybe it's just you and your partner.

00:23:18.000 And then, you know, you got a car with maybe four criminals in it who have guns. 0.99

00:23:23.000 Who the fuck knows? 0.99

00:23:24.000 Why would you do it? 0.99

00:23:25.000 Why would that even be a job?

00:23:27.000 It's a crazy job.

00:23:28.000 But someone's got to do it, right?

00:23:29.000 Because you see what's going on right now in New York City, where they've defunded the police, and they've got shootings all over the place, and their homicide rate is way up.

00:23:36.000 Well, not all over the place.

00:23:38.000 Well, not in the East Village, right?

00:23:39.000 No, maybe it's up there.

00:23:41.000 It ain't around me.

00:23:42.000 It's a utopia where I live.

00:23:44.000 Is it?

00:23:44.000 Oh, it's great.

00:23:45.000 Utopia?

00:23:46.000 I mean, you have some people pissing in the streets, but like...

00:23:49.000 Bumsmen? 1.00

00:23:50.000 Yeah.

00:23:50.000 And adults.

00:23:53.000 Drinking, dude.

00:23:53.000 You can drink on the street still.

00:23:55.000 Oh, because it's changed.

00:23:56.000 The change, the law changed. 1.00

00:23:57.000 2 p.m., you're carrying a fucking... 1.00

00:23:58.000 You're bombed. 1.00

00:23:59.000 You're wearing a suit. 1.00

00:24:00.000 You just piss.

00:24:01.000 Is the whole law changed?

00:24:03.000 Like, it used to be you can't have an open container on the street.

00:24:06.000 I mean, when you talk about defund the police and the dangers of what they want to crack down on, can you imagine them cracking down on a Budweiser? 0.99

00:24:14.000 Not after all this shit. 1.00

00:24:15.000 No way. 1.00

00:24:15.000 Not after this year. 1.00

00:24:16.000 That's the lightest of their concerns.

00:24:17.000 I mean, before we got legalized last year, you'd walk right up to them with a joint and a beer.

00:24:22.000 Like, which way is whatever?

00:24:23.000 And they would just be like, you're taking a chance, dude.

00:24:26.000 It's that way.

00:24:27.000 Wow.

00:24:28.000 They wouldn't care.

00:24:29.000 They didn't care.

00:24:30.000 Also, they wanted people outside. 0.98

00:24:32.000 Everyone was like, during all that fucking craziness, it was like, just be outside. 0.97

00:24:35.000 I don't know. 0.99

00:24:36.000 Don't murder.

00:24:36.000 Isn't it wild how much the world's changed in a year and a half?

00:24:40.000 It's wild.

00:24:42.000 I don't think everybody's totally realized how much the world's changed.

00:24:46.000 It happens in little increments, and so you sort of keep accepting the small increments.

00:24:52.000 And you've already forgotten the go outside with ski gloves and a ski mask on, like March 15th of the year before. 1.00

00:25:00.000 We're like, fuck, fuck, get away from me, you're too close. 0.99

00:25:01.000 That seems like, no. 1.00

00:25:03.000 But that was a real thing?

00:25:05.000 Buying canned kale?

00:25:07.000 Because you're like, are the trucks going to stop coming in?

00:25:11.000 We need calories in the house. 1.00

00:25:13.000 Yeah, and people didn't know how long it stayed on surfaces.

00:25:16.000 Uh-huh, wiping it down.

00:25:17.000 Remember there was that one cruise ship?

00:25:21.000 And the cruise ship, a bunch of people got it and they got stuck on the boat.

00:25:24.000 You scared the shit out of me on that.

00:25:25.000 Because it was like, you were like, dude, 17 days after every...

00:25:29.000 That's your impression.

00:25:30.000 17 days after everyone was off, they were still coming out that way.

00:25:34.000 Does anybody do a good impression of me where it actually sounds like me?

00:25:37.000 There's a lot of really good Jordan Peterson impressions.

00:25:40.000 There's a lot of really good...

00:25:42.000 I'm trying to think if anyone does a good Joe Roe.

00:25:46.000 I don't know.

00:25:47.000 I don't know either.

00:25:48.000 I just felt the vibe when I was saying it.

00:25:49.000 A little intense?

00:25:51.000 Yeah, a little intense.

00:25:52.000 Oh my god!

00:25:53.000 Some of this wood is chipped in from Tennessee!

00:25:57.000 And you're like, oh wow, that's crazy.

00:26:00.000 I'm like, wait, that's not that much. 0.99

00:26:02.000 Yeah, but you were like, it's still alive on surfaces 17 days after everyone's off the fucking boat, man. 0.97

00:26:07.000 Yeah, that is true. 0.96

00:26:08.000 They found it on surfaces.

00:26:10.000 But the thing is, you can't really catch it off surfaces.

00:26:12.000 They didn't know that then.

00:26:13.000 They thought you were catching it from touching things, but you're really catching it from the air.

00:26:17.000 Yeah, someone sneezes in your face.

00:26:18.000 Yeah, well, not just that, just breathing.

00:26:21.000 And apparently this new Delta variant, this new variant.

00:26:26.000 I'm done with this thing.

00:26:27.000 Are you?

00:26:27.000 Done thinking about it.

00:26:28.000 I had a mask ceremony. 1.00

00:26:28.000 You give a fuck? 1.00

00:26:30.000 As soon as I got my two weeks, I did it, told my mom, like, I'll perform outdoors until it's done. 1.00

00:26:35.000 As soon as I got back, the shot the next day.

00:26:38.000 Second that two-week thing was done, I think it was June 1st, I walked from my old apartment to my new apartment, stopped in the park, put some Palo Santo out, lit it up, burned a mask ceremoniously, and just said, I'm done with this.

00:26:51.000 I'm not thinking about it.

00:26:51.000 Done.

00:26:52.000 Interesting.

00:26:53.000 So, I'm on public policy.

00:26:57.000 Are you taking vitamins?

00:26:58.000 Nah.

00:26:59.000 Wow.

00:27:00.000 I mean, you know, occasionally I take Barocas.

00:27:02.000 No, I'm done with it.

00:27:03.000 What's a Barocca? 0.83

00:27:04.000 It's like a multi... 1.00

00:27:04.000 Barocas? 1.00

00:27:05.000 Oh. 1.00

00:27:06.000 It's got all the shit in it. 1.00

00:27:09.000 But you should take vitamins just for your health. 1.00

00:27:12.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:27:17.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:27:18.000 I mean, what are you talking about?

00:27:19.000 I don't have it in here.

00:27:20.000 You done? 1.00

00:27:21.000 You don't give a fuck? 1.00

00:27:22.000 I don't give a fuck. 1.00

00:27:23.000 Wow. 0.99

00:27:25.000 It's just like, I'm not going to think about it.

00:27:27.000 Whatever.

00:27:28.000 Okay.

00:27:28.000 It's like, it's holding my life back to be thinking about.

00:27:31.000 That's true.

00:27:32.000 To be arguing with people all the time.

00:27:33.000 That is true.

00:27:33.000 I'm not changing anything.

00:27:35.000 So, when it's shut down, let me know.

00:27:37.000 That's true.

00:27:38.000 It does hold your life back.

00:27:40.000 Yeah, and it's like I can't have an effect on it.

00:27:44.000 That's true, too.

00:27:44.000 But you can take care of your body.

00:27:47.000 Put your body in a better position that if something happens.

00:27:47.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:27:50.000 I know four people that have it right now.

00:27:52.000 How are they, though?

00:27:54.000 One of them's not so good. 1.00

00:27:55.000 One of them feels like shit. 0.99

00:27:57.000 And one of them is just kind of coughing, and he got through it. 0.99

00:28:02.000 One of them just got it.

00:28:04.000 I haven't talked to her.

00:28:05.000 I don't know how bad she got it.

00:28:08.000 Girls get it now? 1.00

00:28:09.000 Girls get it. 1.00

00:28:11.000 I know two people that are vaccinated that got it. 1.00

00:28:14.000 Where the fuck is this Barocca? 0.98

00:28:15.000 I want you to look at it, actually. 0.98

00:28:16.000 Tell me if it's good stuff.

00:28:17.000 The vitamins?

00:28:18.000 Yeah.

00:28:19.000 Hey, Jamie, can you look at what's in a Barocca? 0.51

00:28:22.000 Have you ever heard of that?

00:28:23.000 You ever heard of Barocca?

00:28:24.000 This is Edinburgh Hangover Cure.

00:28:26.000 That's what they told me. 1.00

00:28:28.000 It's just full of fucking vitamins. 1.00

00:28:29.000 If you take two, your piss is neon. 1.00

00:28:32.000 My piss is always neon.

00:28:34.000 Yeah, you take those things.

00:28:36.000 I take vitamins every day.

00:28:37.000 It's a good idea.

00:28:38.000 I just don't do it.

00:28:39.000 Here it goes.

00:28:40.000 The one on the left.

00:28:41.000 Yeah, what's in that?

00:28:42.000 Barocca.

00:28:46.000 Vitamin A. It's effervescent.

00:28:48.000 Does that mean you put it in water?

00:28:48.000 That's right.

00:28:50.000 Put it in water.

00:28:51.000 Hell of vitamin C. Thousand milligrams?

00:28:54.000 Eh, that's not that much.

00:28:55.000 You're not that much.

00:28:57.000 Thiamine?

00:28:58.000 Oh my god, how weird.

00:28:59.000 Sorry, I take it back.

00:29:00.000 This is your podcast.

00:29:02.000 B12? That's not a lot, dude.

00:29:05.000 There's not a lot of stuff in there.

00:29:07.000 Oh.

00:29:07.000 10 milligrams of zinc?

00:29:09.000 B6? 10 milligrams?

00:29:10.000 What kind of bullshit is that? 1.00

00:29:11.000 It gets you better. 1.00

00:29:13.000 Where's the D? There's no D. So I would take this and a vitamin D during the height of everything.

00:29:17.000 Oh, okay.

00:29:18.000 And a 5,000 vitamin D. Oh, it's got a guarana.

00:29:20.000 It's got guarana in there, so it's got caffeine.

00:29:23.000 44 milligrams of caffeine.

00:29:23.000 Oh, yeah.

00:29:25.000 It said like one coffee cup.

00:29:26.000 Yeah.

00:29:27.000 It's to make you feel good.

00:29:29.000 That's what the caffeine does.

00:29:31.000 It tricks you.

00:29:33.000 Anyway, you're not hungover if you take that before and after.

00:29:35.000 Really?

00:29:36.000 Yeah.

00:29:37.000 Works?

00:29:37.000 Pops you right back up.

00:29:38.000 Have you tried like, is that better than like emergency or one of those things?

00:29:42.000 Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:29:43.000 Way better than emergency.

00:29:44.000 Not quite as good as that liquid IV stuff. 1.00

00:29:46.000 Liquid IV's the shit. 0.99

00:29:47.000 Liquid IV's great. 1.00

00:29:47.000 That's the shit. 1.00

00:29:48.000 But those barocas are like, and it's not really available here in pharmacies, but all over Europe and Thailand too and like other places you can just get them. 1.00

00:29:57.000 And it's just like one before you drink, one the next morning.

00:30:00.000 Yeah.

00:30:01.000 Well, there's this stuff called Athletic Greens.

00:30:03.000 That's a good way to go, too, because it's so easy and it tastes good.

00:30:05.000 You just pour it into a glass of water and mix it up or a bottle of water, shake it up.

00:30:10.000 That's easy.

00:30:10.000 You ever drink that baby stuff?

00:30:12.000 Oh, um...

00:30:13.000 Pedialyte.

00:30:14.000 Pedialyte, yeah.

00:30:15.000 And it's like...

00:30:16.000 But choke it down. 1.00

00:30:17.000 You're going to get fucking fucked up tonight. 1.00

00:30:20.000 Choke that shit down and feel better. 1.00

00:30:22.000 Just to hydrate your body? 1.00

00:30:24.000 It's a party, dude.

00:30:25.000 Well, it's definitely good if people are really dehydrated.

00:30:28.000 Yeah.

00:30:28.000 But I think you're supposed to take that and water.

00:30:31.000 I don't think you're supposed to take it pure.

00:30:33.000 No, Pedialyte?

00:30:34.000 You mix it.

00:30:35.000 Or it comes bottled already.

00:30:35.000 Oh, yeah.

00:30:36.000 It comes in a bottle.

00:30:38.000 So in the bottle one, you just drink that pure?

00:30:40.000 But you're supposed to choke it all down.

00:30:42.000 Before you do a lot of drugs or music festivals, that's when you're like...

00:30:47.000 So you super hydrate up before you do it.

00:30:50.000 You're gonna forget.

00:30:51.000 That's a good move, right?

00:30:52.000 Because, like, you don't wanna...

00:30:53.000 That's, like, the same thing they say about, like, hot yoga.

00:30:55.000 You don't wanna show up and then start drinking water.

00:30:58.000 You wanna have it standard.

00:30:59.000 Yeah, you wanna be hydrated before you ever get through the door.

00:31:02.000 In basketball, they say, like, drink water all through the day, so you should almost not have to drink during the game.

00:31:06.000 Ah.

00:31:07.000 You know?

00:31:07.000 Makes sense.

00:31:08.000 Yeah, but, like, no cramping and shit. 0.71

00:31:10.000 But, like, yeah, because you're not gonna remember. 0.70

00:31:12.000 You've done it where you're drinking, like, remember to drink a glass of water after every...

00:31:16.000 Drink, but you don't.

00:31:17.000 Right.

00:31:18.000 Yeah.

00:31:19.000 My buddy partied once with Jean-Claude Van Damme.

00:31:22.000 He said Jean-Claude Van Damme brought a gallon of water with him.

00:31:22.000 Yeah.

00:31:25.000 And he would take a drink of his drink and then chug the water.

00:31:28.000 And he's like, whoa. 1.00

00:31:30.000 He goes, this guy's a fucking professional partier. 1.00

00:31:32.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:31:33.000 Like he was a fit, you know, guy.

00:31:35.000 He was like this, like, you know, ripped, shredded guy who also wanted to party.

00:31:39.000 So he was taking care of his body and drinking at the same time. 0.99

00:31:43.000 Who the fuck does that? 0.99

00:31:44.000 It's the best when you wake up. 1.00

00:31:45.000 I'll be drinking with DeRosa or something.

00:31:47.000 And then the next day he's like, I feel terrible.

00:31:49.000 Because you didn't drink the water.

00:31:50.000 I feel fine.

00:31:51.000 And you feel like you've accomplished something.

00:31:53.000 Knowing they have had hangovers and you don't.

00:31:55.000 You look like you really happen when people suffer.

00:31:57.000 Their pain.

00:31:58.000 Their pain is my gain.

00:31:59.000 I see what you're saying.

00:32:02.000 That's really what hangovers are, right?

00:32:03.000 It's dehydrated.

00:32:05.000 It's the same feeling you get when you're severely dehydrated.

00:32:08.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 1.00

00:32:09.000 Yeah, your fucking head's hurting. 1.00

00:32:11.000 That's what it is. 1.00

00:32:12.000 I need some water in me. 1.00

00:32:14.000 You can't even get to the fucking sink. 1.00

00:32:17.000 It's such a horrible feeling. 1.00

00:32:18.000 It's amazing that alcohol makes you feel like shit so bad and yet so many people drink it. 0.99

00:32:23.000 It's so good during it. 0.99

00:32:25.000 During it, it's wonderful.

00:32:26.000 You feel so happy.

00:32:28.000 Like last night, we were all at dinner, drinking wine, laughing, having so much fun.

00:32:33.000 Fun times. 0.99

00:32:34.000 Those comedian dinners are fucking fun. 0.98

00:32:36.000 I was with Shane the night before, and we left that show at the Vulcan Theater. 0.97

00:32:40.000 And I was like, all right, let's go back to Tim's place.

00:32:43.000 We stayed at Tim's place. 0.91

00:32:44.000 And I was like, well, let's fucking, let's go to a backyard bar around something, you know? 0.99

00:32:49.000 Let's do some Austin shit. 0.99

00:32:51.000 And he's like, no, I got Rogan tomorrow. 1.00

00:32:53.000 I was like, well, then fucking sit there and I'll drink. 0.98

00:32:56.000 But then, of course, he's like, well, let me have one or two. 0.99

00:32:59.000 And then I'm like, I'm just keep killing it.

00:33:00.000 You can't go for one or two. 0.68

00:33:02.000 Right.

00:33:03.000 Then it's like you're already there.

00:33:04.000 Especially what he drinks.

00:33:05.000 Bud Lights.

00:33:06.000 Yeah, you can keep going. 0.97

00:33:07.000 Those are ridiculous. 0.96

00:33:09.000 We drank a bunch of those yesterday. 0.99

00:33:10.000 He goes long.

00:33:11.000 Yeah.

00:33:11.000 Like, he can just stay.

00:33:13.000 He's also like a fucking big oaf, so it's like you can just keep pounding him down. 0.99

00:33:17.000 Well, he's got a strategy, too. 0.99

00:33:18.000 Like, his strategy is drink a low-alcohol beer and just drink them constantly.

00:33:23.000 We were talking yesterday about that's how people used to exist back in the day.

00:33:27.000 They drank beer all day.

00:33:28.000 Everybody did, even kids.

00:33:30.000 What?

00:33:30.000 Yeah.

00:33:31.000 Little kids drank beer.

00:33:33.000 Yeah, you couldn't just drink water.

00:33:34.000 There was so much bad water back then.

00:33:36.000 Yeah, beer saved the world, right?

00:33:38.000 Yeah, literally.

00:33:39.000 Yeah, because the alcohol in beer and wine, it kept it from getting toxic.

00:33:44.000 It seems like that once you get beer in it, it doesn't give you the hydration anymore.

00:33:49.000 It does.

00:33:49.000 It just, the alcohol takes away some of it.

00:33:53.000 Alcohol is, it dehydrates you.

00:33:56.000 Yeah.

00:33:57.000 Yeah.

00:33:57.000 That's so funny.

00:33:58.000 Kids are drinking beer.

00:34:00.000 That's what they drank.

00:34:01.000 Everybody drank beer.

00:34:02.000 At one point in time, everybody drank beer or wine.

00:34:06.000 And they drank water when they can get it, like if you're drinking out of a nice stream or something like that.

00:34:10.000 It was like Waterworld. 0.99

00:34:11.000 So much stagnant water was fucking disgusting. 1.00

00:34:15.000 Damn. 1.00

00:34:16.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:34:17.000 We live in great times.

00:34:18.000 We live in amazing times.

00:34:19.000 I love how angry everybody gets. 0.99

00:34:21.000 You're like, guys, it's a fucking kill it here. 0.99

00:34:24.000 It's so fucking fun. 0.99

00:34:25.000 Everything's great. 0.99

00:34:26.000 Well, I've said this before, I'll say it again.

00:34:29.000 Someone told me this, and it's a brilliant thing.

00:34:32.000 The worst thing that's ever happened to you is the worst thing that's ever happened to you, even if it's not that bad.

00:34:37.000 And that's the problem with everybody today.

00:34:39.000 Well, yeah, you're pointing it at, I have this much anger, this much happiness, so you point it to whatever it is. 0.99

00:34:43.000 And even also, the opposite happens, where if you're like, I mean, we'd see these houses in the Amazon and it was like, fuck, this is dank. 0.99

00:34:51.000 But you're like, hey, we got a new, you know, chicken. 0.97

00:34:55.000 Everyone's like still partying on the same level as you party when you get a Miata.

00:34:58.000 Yeah, that's their life.

00:35:00.000 Yeah.

00:35:00.000 Yeah, they shoot a monkey and they cook it and they're all happy.

00:35:03.000 They're like, sweet!

00:35:04.000 Yeah.

00:35:05.000 Yeah, my friend Steve Rinella went to, I guess it was Guyana, and they hunted monkeys. 0.99

00:35:12.000 Damn. 0.99

00:35:13.000 And they were eating monkeys, and he tried it. 1.00

00:35:15.000 He ate monkey.

00:35:17.000 He said it tasted like smoked turkey, the way they ate it.

00:35:20.000 But that was like their favorite meal.

00:35:23.000 They would kill all kinds of animals to stay alive.

00:35:27.000 I mean, they were a complete subsistence hunting.

00:35:30.000 Yeah, I'm trying to remember the name of the tribe.

00:35:33.000 I can't... 1.00

00:35:35.000 In East Timor, they told me, this guy told me, some fucking gay guy was hitting on me hard. 1.00

00:35:39.000 Nice. 1.00

00:35:40.000 Still got it.

00:35:41.000 Yeah. 0.95

00:35:43.000 I register as homo in East Timor for sure. 0.99

00:35:46.000 It was a few times.

00:35:47.000 I'm like, what am I putting out?

00:35:48.000 Yeah, what are you putting out?

00:35:49.000 I don't know.

00:35:50.000 Too friendly.

00:35:51.000 But he was like, when I was a kid, we'd for sure hunt and eat monkey.

00:35:54.000 And then it became like out of favor.

00:35:57.000 Out of favor?

00:35:58.000 Yeah.

00:35:58.000 Interesting.

00:35:58.000 Maybe a disease or something?

00:35:59.000 I forget what the fucking tribe is. 0.99

00:36:02.000 It's a cool name for the tribe. 0.99

00:36:03.000 But he spent multiple weeks there. 1.00

00:36:06.000 Damn. 1.00

00:36:07.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:36:07.000 And they hunted monkeys and different birds and some deer. 1.00

00:36:12.000 They hunted all kinds of things, but what they really liked was monkeys.

00:36:14.000 It was like their favorite thing to eat, which is really crazy.

00:36:17.000 Guinea pig.

00:36:18.000 I had that a lot.

00:36:19.000 David Cho said he went with the Hadza in Africa and they hunted baboons.

00:36:25.000 And he said when the arrow hits the baboons, they grab it. 0.95

00:36:28.000 No way.

00:36:29.000 Like a person went like, ah! 1.00

00:36:31.000 It's like, it's fucked. 0.99

00:36:33.000 They don't have any game left, because there's been so much poaching. 1.00

00:36:37.000 The painter.

00:36:38.000 The artist?

00:36:38.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:36:39.000 Wow.

00:36:40.000 Yeah.

00:36:41.000 That's cool.

00:36:42.000 He's got amazing photos.

00:36:43.000 Really?

00:36:44.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:36:44.000 He's a wild, wild dude.

00:36:46.000 He's so interesting. 0.96

00:36:48.000 He's such a fucking intense person, and he just decided to, I mean, he's worth- Have some fun. 0.98

00:36:53.000 He's worth like a half a billion dollars or something crazy. 0.99

00:36:55.000 Is he the one that did the Facebook thing?

00:36:57.000 Uh-huh.

00:36:57.000 He took it on like, Pay Me Later based on stocks?

00:36:59.000 Yeah.

00:36:59.000 The startup?

00:37:00.000 Exactly.

00:37:01.000 I'll just do a mural for you, whatever.

00:37:02.000 Some ungodly amount of money.

00:37:04.000 And you would never know.

00:37:06.000 No.

00:37:07.000 And he wouldn't have known then, this is going to turn into blood money.

00:37:10.000 When Facebook turned into the most evil corporation.

00:37:13.000 Turning brother against brother. 1.00

00:37:15.000 Fucking ruining everybody in society. 1.00

00:37:18.000 It's crazy what they are now. 1.00

00:37:19.000 It should be illegal.

00:37:21.000 Did you hear Jen Psaki, the White House press secretary, said today that if you're banned from one social media platform, you should be banned from all of them?

00:37:29.000 You should be banned from all of them. 0.99

00:37:31.000 Yes, and everybody's like, what the fuck? 0.99

00:37:32.000 Like, she's encouraging people to be banned from social media platforms? 1.00

00:37:35.000 Also, what if you're just banned from, like, posting a dick or something?

00:37:38.000 She's talking about it as disinformation, if you're banned for disinformation or misinformation. 0.97

00:37:45.000 Cut you out of the world.

00:37:46.000 Cut your ability. 1.00

00:37:47.000 All this talk scares the fuck out of me. 0.94

00:37:49.000 It is, because people are just using it to their benefit politically, and they don't understand this slippery slope. 0.62

00:37:54.000 Because if a Republican gets in power, and then they start doing that to liberals, you just don't understand.

00:37:58.000 You can't give anybody that kind of power.

00:38:01.000 And what happens when the disinformation turns out to be true?

00:38:03.000 Like this whole lab leak theory.

00:38:05.000 The lab leak theory, you would get banned from Facebook just 10 months ago. 0.99

00:38:09.000 The fucking, what's it called, medication? 0.99

00:38:11.000 Ivermectin? 1.00

00:38:12.000 No, the one Trump was saying.

00:38:14.000 Hydroxychloroquine?

00:38:15.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:38:15.000 And people are like, you're an idiot. 1.00

00:38:16.000 And people are like, actually, I think it's starting to work, right? 1.00

00:38:18.000 Or am I wrong on that?

00:38:19.000 I think there's some evidence that there's some benefit to hydroxychloroquine.

00:38:24.000 Yeah, and because he said it, you couldn't even- It's so hard to tell with these things.

00:38:28.000 Because things like hydroxychloroquine, and particularly ivermectin, they are generic items.

00:38:33.000 It means they've been around so long that anybody can make them.

00:38:36.000 So if you owned a pharmaceutical company, you could compound ivermectin and sell it.

00:38:41.000 Which is crazy.

00:38:42.000 I do, and I will.

00:38:42.000 You should.

00:38:43.000 And if you do that, you don't make much money because it's not that expensive because everybody can make it.

00:38:47.000 So this is like a problem when- For Pfizer.

00:38:51.000 For Pfizer.

00:38:51.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:38:52.000 Or for Moderna or whoever the fuck is making these things. 0.98

00:38:54.000 So if you're just- I'm not saying be cynical, but just be objective and understand that all of these companies, all of them, whether it's Pfizer or Moderna or Johnson& Johnson, they've all been in trouble for doing nefarious shit. 0.98

00:39:10.000 All of them. 0.88

00:39:11.000 You can Google it.

00:39:12.000 It's an obvious thing.

00:39:13.000 You can Google how many times Pfizer's been sued.

00:39:15.000 Yeah.

00:39:15.000 Once you put money in there, it's like, then they're just incentivized.

00:39:18.000 You push the needle somewhat towards doing the wrong thing or telling a senator, like, come on.

00:39:23.000 Exactly.

00:39:23.000 Get rid of the...

00:39:24.000 They don't want you just drinking more water.

00:39:26.000 Exactly.

00:39:26.000 How's that helping them?

00:39:27.000 Right.

00:39:28.000 There's no incentive to tell people, this is what you should take as far as a vitamin protocol.

00:39:32.000 This is what you should do as far as exercise.

00:39:34.000 Everybody needs this amount of sleep to optimize your immune system.

00:39:37.000 This is how you can get rid of stress.

00:39:40.000 The White House is going to give you a planned meditation session, and we'll lead you through this.

00:39:47.000 We're going to guide you through this meditation session, and it's going to help everybody relax.

00:39:52.000 No, they're not doing that.

00:39:53.000 They're telling you they're going to ban people from misinformation, and you should be banned from everything.

00:39:57.000 The social media gets you into an algorithm that gets you into looking at, let's just say it's false information.

00:40:02.000 It pushes you to seek out more and more of that false stuff, or like that side, or this side, or the right side, or the left side, or the upside.

00:40:09.000 Is that what Facebook does?

00:40:10.000 Yeah.

00:40:11.000 Different ones do different things, right?

00:40:12.000 Yeah, but they all, like, once you start searching something, it sees you're interested, pushes you further and further to that.

00:40:18.000 I always use your example of when you did that thing with puppies.

00:40:20.000 The puppies?

00:40:21.000 Yeah.

00:40:21.000 That really worked.

00:40:22.000 Yeah.

00:40:23.000 Spend a week, click on nothing but puppy videos.

00:40:27.000 Search some puppy videos to start with, then it'll give you whatever.

00:40:32.000 Somebody who uploads to YouTube for me, to my YouTube account, she uses my account.

00:40:38.000 She's putting it in there.

00:40:39.000 And she's like, why are there so many dog relaxation videos? 1.00

00:40:44.000 I'm like, oh, that's from a fucking bandit, man. 0.98

00:40:46.000 But now she's watching them, so now it's gone over to her YouTube. 0.99

00:40:49.000 It's just popping up by suggestions.

00:40:51.000 Do you want 15 hours of dog relaxation?

00:40:53.000 Dog relaxation?

00:40:54.000 It's when they have, like, fireworks.

00:40:56.000 You gotta drown it out.

00:40:57.000 Oh, yeah?

00:40:58.000 The fireworks.

00:41:00.000 Oh, for dogs?

00:41:01.000 So we're having a great time.

00:41:03.000 A great time.

00:41:04.000 And then one M80 or whatever goes off.

00:41:06.000 Ten blocks away.

00:41:07.000 Their tail goes down.

00:41:08.000 They start shivering.

00:41:09.000 Imagine what that must sound like to them.

00:41:11.000 They don't know what it is. 1.00

00:41:11.000 Giant ass ears. 1.00

00:41:12.000 Yeah, they don't know what it is. 1.00

00:41:13.000 Right.

00:41:13.000 But it also must hurt.

00:41:15.000 Oh, right.

00:41:15.000 Good point.

00:41:16.000 They have giant ears.

00:41:17.000 Right? 1.00

00:41:18.000 They can hear so much shit that you can never hear. 1.00

00:41:20.000 Ugh. 1.00

00:41:21.000 Yeah, exactly.

00:41:22.000 So, it must be deafening for them. 0.90

00:41:24.000 That's why I've always wondered, like, when hunting dogs, when they take dogs out, like, hunting birds and shit, and the dogs are out in the field, and they're just shooting shotguns off, like, what is that dog doing? 0.92

00:41:33.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:41:34.000 Muffle that shit. 1.00

00:41:35.000 When I went with Bourdain, we went pigeon hunting, or not pigeon hunting, pheasant hunting, and he shot at one too close to my head. 1.00

00:41:43.000 Like, I was right here, and he shot at one, like, right there, bang! 0.99

00:41:47.000 And I didn't know he was doing that, and it was like, oh, fuck! 0.99

00:41:50.000 Yeah, damage. 1.00

00:41:54.000 Damn. 1.00

00:41:56.000 It's loud. 1.00

00:41:58.000 A 12-gauge shotgun or whatever it was.

00:42:00.000 I think it was a 12-gauge.

00:42:02.000 Boom! 1.00

00:42:02.000 Fuck. 1.00

00:42:04.000 Like, I didn't know he was going to do that. 1.00

00:42:05.000 I should have had ears on.

00:42:06.000 I should have had, like, you know, like...

00:42:08.000 Plugs?

00:42:08.000 No, well, they have these things that allow you to hear everything outside, but when it hits a certain decibel, it cuts off.

00:42:18.000 Whoa, really?

00:42:19.000 Yeah, you take them to the gun range.

00:42:21.000 Like, I wear them at the gun range.

00:42:22.000 They look like these, but they have, like, a switch on them.

00:42:25.000 And I turn the switch.

00:42:26.000 I can turn the volume up or down.

00:42:27.000 I can actually make it so that I can hear better.

00:42:30.000 Interesting.

00:42:30.000 Yeah, I can hear better.

00:42:31.000 I can hear things that I could never hear without them.

00:42:34.000 And then when the gun goes off, you hear it very low.

00:42:37.000 It cuts it off to a very low amount of decibels.

00:42:39.000 So it's totally tolerable.

00:42:41.000 I remember at concerts now, and they'll have places like Webster Hall.

00:42:45.000 You just go to the bar for two bucks, you can get earplugs.

00:42:48.000 I think they might all have them now, but you forget you have them in, you really shove them in there. 0.99

00:42:52.000 And then when you come outside afterwards, you're still talking normal, and you pull it out, and you're just like, fuck, so many more levels. 0.81

00:42:58.000 Isn't it crazy that concerts are so loud you have to have earplugs? 0.97

00:43:01.000 Like, why are they doing that?

00:43:02.000 You just sit up there.

00:43:03.000 Sit up there with a guitar.

00:43:04.000 You ever go to Ireland, and they're just like, a guy playing, you can barely hear it, two tables over.

00:43:08.000 And you're like, this is It's lovely.

00:43:09.000 It's great. 0.96

00:43:11.000 But those guys all go to death. 0.99

00:43:14.000 Like the lead singer from ACDC, he can't even fucking perform anymore. 0.99

00:43:17.000 Really? 1.00

00:43:18.000 His ears are so fucked. 1.00

00:43:19.000 His head's so fucked. 1.00

00:43:21.000 Like, it blows their ears apart. 1.00

00:43:23.000 You know how you get in someone's car and they got shitty old speakers? 0.87

00:43:26.000 It's like...

00:43:27.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:43:28.000 That's this guy's head.

00:43:29.000 His speakers are blown.

00:43:31.000 Like, his internal ears are blown.

00:43:34.000 Yeah.

00:43:34.000 It happens to all of them.

00:43:36.000 And for what?

00:43:36.000 Some jock rock?

00:43:38.000 ACDC? How dare you?

00:43:40.000 I'll stay with it.

00:43:41.000 How dare you?

00:43:41.000 I'll stick with it.

00:43:42.000 Fuckin' jock rock. 0.98

00:43:44.000 It's a long way to the top if you wanna rock and roll. 1.00

00:43:48.000 You say that with your knee, I'm a nerd. 0.93

00:43:49.000 They got some good fuckin' songs. 0.99

00:43:51.000 I know. 0.94

00:43:51.000 They got some good fuckin' songs. 0.94

00:43:53.000 It's interesting that their music is so distinct. 0.69

00:43:57.000 Like, if you hear a song...

00:43:58.000 It's his voice.

00:43:59.000 And the guitar.

00:44:00.000 Yeah, the guitar.

00:44:04.000 Yeah, I love when you can hear a band just from the setup.

00:44:07.000 And you're like, oh, that sounds like a new whatever.

00:44:09.000 That sounds like new Black Keys.

00:44:10.000 That sounds like new whatever.

00:44:11.000 And you're like, yep.

00:44:12.000 You're just like, how?

00:44:13.000 Yeah.

00:44:14.000 Yeah, Black Keys, they have that quality, for sure.

00:44:17.000 They have that, like...

00:44:18.000 But their music varies so much.

00:44:20.000 They do so much experimenting, you know?

00:44:22.000 They have...

00:44:23.000 So many of their albums have, like, a very distinctive flavor.

00:44:25.000 Like, some of it's, like, real old-school blues sounding.

00:44:28.000 For sure it's based on that.

00:44:29.000 Some of it's more experimental, you know? 0.99

00:44:33.000 Gold on the ceiling and that kind of shit, you know? 0.98

00:44:36.000 That's still the bluesy stuff. 0.99

00:44:37.000 Kind of.

00:44:38.000 Gold on the ceiling.

00:44:40.000 They have so many good songs, man.

00:44:42.000 Those guys, I mean, if you want just like a can't miss band, I've never listened to a bad Black Key song.

00:44:51.000 Me and Jason in Ottawa, playing at a festival, they had to wait for so long because it was heavy, heavy winds, high winds.

00:44:59.000 It was like, I think it had destroyed a tent the day before somewhere.

00:45:03.000 And we kept looking at them, and one of the big clamps swung free and was just this massive, like...

00:45:08.000 Like an S-hook, this big, just swinging.

00:45:11.000 Oh, Jesus Christ.

00:45:30.000 I'm like, that doesn't make sense.

00:45:31.000 We went on stage.

00:45:32.000 He had it right.

00:45:34.000 But I saw them at Kraft Food and stuff, and I was like, you guys gonna go on?

00:45:39.000 It was like 20 minutes later after they're supposed to, and they just kind of looked, and then they didn't know me, but I was like, you can just say you don't know yet.

00:45:47.000 But eventually I did, and he got us in between Like, where the guys have to throw the mosh pitters back. 0.99

00:45:53.000 Yeah.

00:45:54.000 He got us in that area.

00:45:55.000 Oh, Jesus.

00:45:56.000 Yeah, we're just watching it from like eight feet away. 1.00

00:45:58.000 As close as that fucking mushroom is. 1.00

00:46:00.000 Whoa. 0.99

00:46:00.000 Yeah, and we're just like, this is fucking cool. 0.99

00:46:03.000 Wow. 0.96

00:46:03.000 It's just the two of them. 0.96

00:46:04.000 Or it was then, anyway.

00:46:06.000 Wow.

00:46:07.000 Yeah.

00:46:08.000 Yeah, those guys are dope. 0.87

00:46:09.000 I've had them in, too.

00:46:10.000 They're cool people.

00:46:11.000 You've had them in?

00:46:12.000 A couple times, yeah.

00:46:13.000 Music videos are cool, too.

00:46:14.000 Yeah. 0.98

00:46:15.000 They're cool as fuck. 0.53

00:46:16.000 Yeah, there's some music like that. 0.97

00:46:19.000 What, Jamie?

00:46:20.000 The reason why it's sound is not that loud.

00:46:23.000 I kind of knew the answer to this, so I was trying to pull up the answer.

00:46:26.000 When the Beatles played Shea Stadium in the 60s, the PA systems at that time weren't even loud enough to get louder than the crowd.

00:46:34.000 Wow.

00:46:36.000 According to this article, it says they stopped, not for that reason, but they stopped touring a year after that show.

00:46:42.000 Because what?

00:46:42.000 They couldn't handle what they were putting out?

00:46:44.000 Correct.

00:46:44.000 The PA systems couldn't get loud enough to play the venues that they were doing.

00:46:48.000 That's when they stopped?

00:46:49.000 Because they were playing such big venues that we should be in a small club.

00:46:53.000 Then in the 70s, touring sound systems became a thing.

00:46:55.000 That's sort of when DJs became a big thing.

00:46:57.000 And they could play parties out on the street corner and stuff.

00:47:00.000 There's a crowd of 42,000 screaming girls and they completely drowned out the PA system. 1.00

00:47:06.000 It's estimated the noise coming from the crowd was 135 decibels, more than double the output coming from the Beatles sound equipment.

00:47:13.000 Double what the Beatles were doing.

00:47:14.000 Double them screaming chicks. 1.00

00:47:16.000 Yes, then you had to get the science of putting amplifiers out into the crowd and doing the mass so that it's not echoing in the wrong way and feedback.

00:47:25.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:47:26.000 That became a science of its own.

00:47:27.000 It is a science.

00:47:28.000 When you're leaving the main stage at a festival going to the side stage and it gets softer and softer, then you hear nothing, then you hear the other stage louder and louder.

00:47:36.000 It's really interesting how it just stops at a certain place.

00:47:38.000 Yeah.

00:47:39.000 And then sometimes you can hear both right in the middle for a second.

00:47:43.000 Yeah, it's crazy, those people.

00:47:45.000 They do a great job.

00:47:46.000 Yeah, it's an expert thing too, right?

00:47:49.000 Because some venues are better at echoing sound.

00:47:52.000 They're better at how they've got it set up.

00:47:54.000 They sound better.

00:47:56.000 Same thing with comedy too.

00:47:57.000 The worst thing is when you go to a comedy place and the volume's not loud enough. 0.95

00:48:01.000 The outdoor stuff is so shitty.

00:48:03.000 Oh, outdoor stuff.

00:48:04.000 And we all got used to it because it got taken away from us completely, right? 0.99

00:48:09.000 So then we were like, fuck, there's no comedy. 0.94

00:48:10.000 And then it's like, hey, I didn't do the Zoom shows. 0.99

00:48:13.000 I'm assuming you didn't either.

00:48:14.000 No.

00:48:15.000 But then it's like, hey, there's some comedy.

00:48:17.000 There's a front patio there.

00:48:18.000 Even though we all agreed outdoor sucks, but we're like, hey, this is so much better than no comedy.

00:48:24.000 They're still doing outdoor, the improv on Melrose, huh?

00:48:26.000 I don't know.

00:48:27.000 Yeah, they were showing on their Instagram.

00:48:29.000 They had outdoor comedy shows in that little parking lot area.

00:48:33.000 So a lot of them, I think, the stand is doing the same thing in New York where they're like, well, we built this thing.

00:48:37.000 We can go back inside, but why don't we run two shows?

00:48:40.000 Right.

00:48:40.000 If we're sold out, why don't we run...

00:48:42.000 Oh, just real quick.

00:48:44.000 Okay.

00:48:44.000 Audience, every comedy club in the country is searching for help.

00:48:48.000 They are having trouble opening.

00:48:49.000 The Denver Comedy Works specifically, but Magoo, all of them, they cannot find help because of unemployment, because of whatever, part-time work.

00:48:56.000 If you've ever wanted to work at a comedy club...

00:48:58.000 Now's your time.

00:48:59.000 Just go in there and get an application.

00:49:01.000 They are massively searching for work.

00:49:04.000 I know Denver is.

00:49:05.000 That's a big one.

00:49:05.000 So many.

00:49:06.000 I've talked to all of them.

00:49:07.000 I share information.

00:49:08.000 I'm like, you guys are all in the same boat.

00:49:10.000 Cooks, especially.

00:49:11.000 Wait staff.

00:49:12.000 Door guys.

00:49:13.000 If you hear us talking about how fun it is to work at a comedy club, it is fun.

00:49:16.000 Not just a comedy store.

00:49:18.000 Across the country. 0.99

00:49:19.000 Go in, get an application, and be part of some fun shit. 0.99

00:49:22.000 The pay is pretty good. 0.98

00:49:23.000 Does the store have a problem, too?

00:49:23.000 Does the store have a problem getting people to wait stuff?

00:49:26.000 I have a vague memory of maybe.

00:49:29.000 My friend who owns a restaurant was saying that it's hard to get people, or it was up until recently, because they were still getting unemployment, and they didn't want to come back to work.

00:49:36.000 And also, comedy clubs is Thursday, Friday, Saturday.

00:49:39.000 You're not talking about full-time work.

00:49:40.000 You're giving up the 300 bonus for 10 hours of work a week.

00:49:44.000 Right.

00:49:45.000 You know?

00:49:46.000 Right.

00:49:47.000 But if you're looking, that's the spot.

00:49:49.000 Anyway, all right, that's my PSA. It's interesting, isn't it?

00:49:51.000 I mean, I'm not exactly sure what I'm talking about here, so I might be wrong, but there's people that were making a pretty decent living.

00:49:59.000 Like, they were surviving with unemployment and plus the new checks, right?

00:50:04.000 What are they getting now?

00:50:05.000 Oh, well, dude, when the Trump 600 kicked in, that's why New York was a party town.

00:50:09.000 Was it?

00:50:10.000 Well, everybody hated Trump there more than anywhere.

00:50:14.000 Maybe.

00:50:14.000 It was such a bubble.

00:50:16.000 Right.

00:50:17.000 L.A. That's L.A. too.

00:50:19.000 But that's why people look for villains around them.

00:50:20.000 But I'm like, guys, none of us are.

00:50:22.000 We're all like super liberal.

00:50:24.000 So if someone's like slightly less liberal, then you're like, it's you!

00:50:28.000 Really?

00:50:28.000 Yeah.

00:50:29.000 It's like because at that same strife you need.

00:50:30.000 So you just look for villains.

00:50:32.000 I'm like, guys, we're all on the right side.

00:50:32.000 Who's looking for villains?

00:50:34.000 The people who have the anger.

00:50:36.000 Those people.

00:50:37.000 Do you remember when...

00:50:38.000 Maybe you don't remember.

00:50:39.000 Maybe you were there.

00:50:39.000 I don't know.

00:50:40.000 What?

00:50:40.000 Nerd rage.

00:50:41.000 Nerd rage. 0.87

00:50:42.000 But gay marriage was legal in California for a little while. 0.99

00:50:46.000 And then some judge was like, hey, this is retarded. 0.92

00:50:49.000 We're not doing this anymore. 0.89

00:50:50.000 You're allowed to get married.

00:50:52.000 And then someone challenged it, and then the high court was like, hey, we'll put it on hold until we can go to the voters.

00:50:57.000 So it wasn't like they hadn't quite yet gotten married.

00:51:00.000 They got it, and they pulled it away.

00:51:02.000 And thousands of gays marched down sunset. 1.00

00:51:05.000 And it was pretty much with their sign saying, like, what the fuck? 1.00

00:51:08.000 Wasn't that Proposition 8? 0.99

00:51:10.000 Yeah.

00:51:10.000 That was where I came up with that bit about the Mormons.

00:51:13.000 What was it?

00:51:13.000 Which one was it?

00:51:14.000 Because Mormons were one of the people that donated.

00:51:16.000 It's one of the groups that donated a large sum of money to stop gay marriage.

00:51:20.000 Wow.

00:51:20.000 And my joke was, if someone could talk to me in a Mormon, they could probably talk to me in a second.

00:51:24.000 Sorry, I remember that one.

00:51:26.000 Yeah.

00:51:27.000 But anyway, then they got it, right?

00:51:29.000 They got their gay marriage.

00:51:30.000 But the rage stayed, and they got to put it somewhere.

00:51:33.000 The rage stayed?

00:51:34.000 Yeah, people didn't suddenly get, sweet, we're done, let's all be happy.

00:51:37.000 Do you think that's really what it's from?

00:51:38.000 No.

00:51:39.000 The rage everyone has inside them is the same.

00:51:41.000 So if you don't have a Vietnam to protest, I'll point that to somewhere. 0.98

00:51:46.000 Right, the rage remains at a steady level.

00:51:48.000 But a lot of it is like, it's really misplaced anger at various things that have happened to you in your life. 1.00

00:51:54.000 In your own fucking life. 1.00

00:51:55.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:51:56.000 Let me point instead of looking inwards.

00:51:57.000 Absolutely.

00:51:58.000 Almost always.

00:51:59.000 But, um, what were we talking about?

00:52:02.000 Oh, yeah, so he got that $600 from Trump, and for the first time, everybody in New York was like, I mean, I don't know, I hate that, but let's get a drink.

00:52:08.000 People got raises.

00:52:09.000 People were out of work and had like $100 a week more than they had before.

00:52:14.000 Right.

00:52:14.000 It was sweet.

00:52:16.000 And nowhere to be.

00:52:17.000 I wonder if he'd figured out a way to give people $2,000 and really did that on a regular basis if he would have got re-elected.

00:52:25.000 Yeah.

00:52:26.000 You know how they always, like, gas prices come down before an election so that they'll have, like, better feelings about the president?

00:52:31.000 Not before Obama got into office.

00:52:34.000 Do you remember that?

00:52:35.000 It stayed high?

00:52:36.000 No. 0.95

00:52:37.000 They raised the fuck out of it right before. 0.98

00:52:40.000 And people were like, this is so goddamn transparent. 0.99

00:52:42.000 It was like the last few weeks of the Bush administration, they fucking jacked the price of gas up. 0.98

00:52:48.000 Wait, before the election or after? 0.99

00:52:49.000 After the election was over, Bush was out, and they knew they were out, so Obama was coming in, and they just jacked the fucking price of gas up. 0.94

00:52:57.000 And they're like, well, you know, the negotiations and the pipeline and this and that. 0.97

00:53:00.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:53:01.000 They always blame me on something.

00:53:02.000 Okay, sure.

00:53:02.000 That happened with the vaccine, too.

00:53:04.000 Like, it was like...

00:53:05.000 Four days after the election, like, hey, we got the vaccine.

00:53:08.000 And everyone's like, there's no way they'd hold back the vaccine.

00:53:11.000 I'm like, yeah, but you might hold back announcing it.

00:53:15.000 Very fishy. 0.99

00:53:16.000 At least own up to the fact that it's fishy as fuck. 0.99

00:53:18.000 It seems fishy. 0.99

00:53:20.000 It was like election on Tuesday and by Saturday they were like, hey, it's over.

00:53:24.000 Way more fishy was they waited a few months and then they go, you know, this lab leak theory actually has some legs.

00:53:29.000 This actually could be real.

00:53:30.000 Really probably did come from a lab in China.

00:53:32.000 What's the difference?

00:53:33.000 Does it matter about research?

00:53:35.000 Is that the difference?

00:53:35.000 Yes.

00:53:36.000 Gain-of-function research, which Fauci funded.

00:53:41.000 The World Health Organization, they were all giving out bad information in the beginning about this.

00:53:48.000 Does that mean gain-of-function?

00:53:49.000 Gain of function is they take a virus and they try to make the virus more deadly to understand it.

00:53:56.000 They try to make it more infectious.

00:53:59.000 They try to add things to it.

00:54:00.000 They do this stuff where they juice up a virus and it's very dangerous research. 0.98

00:54:04.000 And according to Josh Rogan from the Washington Post who was here, he explained it all to me and explained how Fauci was the guy that restarted all this shit. 0.90

00:54:11.000 During the Obama administration, they put the kibosh on that. 0.99

00:54:14.000 They're like, it's too dangerous.

00:54:15.000 And Josh Rogan's take on it was that during the Trump administration, it was so chaotic that Fauci got to restart it again.

00:54:24.000 They did it through a second organization that was run by this guy, Peter Datzik.

00:54:28.000 And he's one of the ones that has been saying, there is no way this came from a lab.

00:54:32.000 It's impossible.

00:54:33.000 Then the Fauci emails got leaked through the Freedom of Information Act.

00:54:36.000 And in those, it's very clear that they were very concerned that it came from the lab.

00:54:41.000 So they're pretending there's no evidence that it came from a lab.

00:54:44.000 In fact, there's a lot of evidence.

00:54:45.000 And in fact, there was three people that worked in that lab in November of 2019 who got really sick and one of them died, one of them's wife died rather, from coronavirus-like symptoms.

00:54:57.000 So these were probably the first people that got hit with it.

00:55:01.000 There was a lot of evidence that it came out of that lab.

00:55:03.000 I had a cough in like January of 2019 that just wouldn't go away.

00:55:08.000 Yeah?

00:55:09.000 And it was before...

00:55:10.000 I'm not saying...

00:55:11.000 I have no idea, but like...

00:55:12.000 Did you ever get tested for antibodies?

00:55:13.000 No.

00:55:14.000 It was before it came, right?

00:55:15.000 We didn't know what corona was yet.

00:55:16.000 We heard about it in China.

00:55:18.000 Right.

00:55:18.000 You know, I talked to...

00:55:19.000 I was skiing in Park City in like early March, talking to somebody.

00:55:24.000 I got a ski lift with this woman from Hong Kong.

00:55:26.000 I was like, how's the revolution going?

00:55:27.000 Oh, Jesus Christ.

00:55:28.000 You got it from her.

00:55:29.000 No, this was after that anyway.

00:55:30.000 The lady was coughing on you. 1.00

00:55:31.000 And she goes, nobody's cared about the revolution anymore because they're worried about this corona thing.

00:55:37.000 I was like, oh yeah, is that like a real, do you think that's a real thing?

00:55:40.000 Like it was early, you know?

00:55:42.000 But this is a month and a half before that, that I just coughed.

00:55:45.000 Went to the doctor, said this cough won't, I don't know, it's bronchitis or what, won't go away.

00:55:50.000 And he goes, yeah, you and everybody else, I don't know.

00:55:52.000 Whoa. 1.00

00:55:55.000 Damn. 1.00

00:55:56.000 Well, you already got the vaccine. 1.00

00:55:59.000 That would have been a year and a half later.

00:56:00.000 But I'm saying it would show your antibodies from the vaccine if we gave you an antibody test.

00:56:04.000 Right now, it wouldn't matter.

00:56:05.000 I wish I got to you before that.

00:56:07.000 By the time I was back in New York and July or August got tested for the vaccines, got antibodies, it would have been...

00:56:15.000 Five, six months later.

00:56:16.000 Jamie's got antibodies from nine months out.

00:56:19.000 I know, but he's a superhuman.

00:56:20.000 He's a freak. 0.95

00:56:20.000 Look at him. 0.95

00:56:21.000 Look at him over there.

00:56:22.000 With his ponytail. 0.98

00:56:22.000 Keeps him fucking clear of anything. 0.98

00:56:24.000 The nurse keeps freaking out. 0.98

00:56:26.000 She's like, I can't believe it because he keeps getting tested every few months.

00:56:28.000 It's called swooning because he's stunning.

00:56:31.000 Strong antibodies.

00:56:33.000 Strong.

00:56:34.000 He comes in with fat, thick lines.

00:56:38.000 I don't want to talk about COVID. Yeah, it's a very tired subject, that's for sure.

00:56:43.000 So you were doing the outside shows, and is New York doing full inside shows now?

00:56:48.000 Full inside.

00:56:49.000 Some places maybe still going a little spaced out, but...

00:56:53.000 Not really?

00:56:53.000 I think they were going by what the city was allowing at first, so they had two rules.

00:56:59.000 One at first was like, you can be spaced out six feet, or full vaccine and shove them all in.

00:57:05.000 So the seller was like, yeah, we're What are they going to do now that people are getting it even though they've been vaccinated?

00:57:11.000 Because there's quite a few people.

00:57:13.000 Like I said, I have two friends that have gotten it.

00:57:16.000 I think if they're getting it and not getting sick, then they're going to still be like...

00:57:19.000 No, they're sick.

00:57:20.000 But then I don't know. 0.99

00:57:22.000 They're sick.

00:57:23.000 I don't believe anything anymore. 0.98

00:57:25.000 It's hard to believe it.

00:57:26.000 Because one of the things from Los Angeles, they were saying that all these bad cases are people who are unvaccinated.

00:57:31.000 And then some doctors were challenging that.

00:57:34.000 And they were saying, well, that's not true.

00:57:35.000 There's a lot of my own patients that have been vaccinated that were really sick.

00:57:40.000 And people have died that have been vaccinated.

00:57:43.000 So it's...

00:57:44.000 I don't trust the news anymore at all.

00:57:46.000 The thing is, it's not...

00:57:47.000 It's not perfect.

00:57:48.000 If you have a really compromised immune system and your body is beaten up and you've been vaccinated, you still have a really compromised immune system.

00:57:55.000 You still have a body that's been beaten up. 0.99

00:57:57.000 If you've got a bunch of comorbidities and you're also vaccinated, you're probably still fucked, right? 0.99

00:58:03.000 If you're morbidly obese and you're still vaccinated, it's not that magically protected. 1.00

00:58:07.000 If you catch a cold, you're fucked. 1.00

00:58:08.000 You're fucked, yeah. 1.00

00:58:09.000 Not that fucked, but you know. 1.00

00:58:11.000 It's not good. 0.99

00:58:12.000 Yeah, Ralphie didn't catch anything to die.

00:58:14.000 Right.

00:58:14.000 It was a shock he was living that long.

00:58:17.000 Right.

00:58:17.000 You know?

00:58:18.000 That's true.

00:58:19.000 We were always shocked, right? 0.86

00:58:20.000 I saw him at Bonnaroo Music Festival, next to a stage, on a chair, just asleep, next to a band fucking, with all those amps, better than the Beatles had. 0.96

00:58:33.000 He's out cold. 0.94

00:58:34.000 Because he had a Snickers or something.

00:58:36.000 Whoa. 1.00

00:58:36.000 He's just diabetic, fucking. 1.00

00:58:38.000 Snickers just put him out? 1.00

00:58:39.000 I heard Patrice was the same way.

00:58:41.000 Really?

00:58:41.000 Eat two candy bars, and then 30 minutes later, back up.

00:58:44.000 That's so crazy.

00:58:44.000 Like, overwhelming your body.

00:58:48.000 That's so crazy.

00:58:49.000 I was talking to my friend at the House of Comedy, and we were talking about Patrice right when it happened.

00:58:58.000 And we were like, oh my god.

00:59:00.000 And I was like, can you believe it?

00:59:01.000 And she was like, oh no.

00:59:02.000 And we were both like, oh, yeah.

00:59:04.000 Of course you can believe it. 1.00

00:59:05.000 An angry, fat black man, yeah, could have heart disease. 1.00

00:59:09.000 Diabetes. 1.00

00:59:09.000 He had diabetes. 1.00

00:59:11.000 And he didn't care, like, as far as what he ate.

00:59:14.000 He ate what he wanted to eat. 0.99

00:59:15.000 You know, Patrice didn't give a fuck about anything. 1.00

00:59:17.000 That's why I want to live with this COVID thing. 0.98

00:59:19.000 I just don't want to think about it.

00:59:21.000 It's not bad, but you should, you know, you should just protect yourself with vitamins.

00:59:24.000 I eat salads.

00:59:25.000 I eat pretty healthy.

00:59:27.000 Compared to a comic dude, I'm pretty healthy.

00:59:29.000 That's wonderful.

00:59:29.000 Salads are good.

00:59:31.000 But salads...

00:59:31.000 Full stop.

00:59:32.000 Full stop.

00:59:32.000 Thank you.

00:59:33.000 Point made.

00:59:33.000 Don't have a lot of vitamins in them.

00:59:35.000 And you also don't get any vitamin D from salads.

00:59:37.000 Joe, you have all these tips.

00:59:39.000 You need to talk to a normal person.

00:59:40.000 Forget the IV drips.

00:59:42.000 Like I told you yesterday...

00:59:43.000 Normal person?

00:59:43.000 Yes.

00:59:43.000 What alcohols can we drink to get the most vaccines possible?

00:59:47.000 Who the fuck was telling us that whiskey is actually pretty good for you? 0.99

00:59:50.000 Who was saying that? 0.99

00:59:51.000 Someone was saying that whiskey has...

00:59:55.000 It was some sort of...

00:59:57.000 Whiskey promoter? 0.92

00:59:58.000 No, no, no.

01:00:00.000 It was what...

01:00:01.000 Jimmy Laphroaig?

01:00:03.000 Not resveratrol.

01:00:04.000 Maybe it was not resveratrol, but another kind of antioxidant.

01:00:09.000 Polyphenols.

01:00:09.000 That's right.

01:00:10.000 Polyphenols.

01:00:11.000 Remember when they were saying weed might stop COVID for a little bit?

01:00:15.000 And people were like, smoke all day...

01:00:16.000 And they were like, no, no.

01:00:17.000 It said some types of CBDs might help.

01:00:19.000 And they were like, smoke all weed.

01:00:20.000 Whiskey has high levels of polyphenols, plant-based antioxidants linked to lowering your risk of heart disease.

01:00:27.000 The polyphenols in whiskey have been shown to decrease bad cholesterol, LDL, and increase good cholesterol, HDL levels, and reduce triglycerides or fat in your blood.

01:00:38.000 That's what I'm talking about, Joe. 1.00

01:00:39.000 This is how you stay accessible and do your fucking advice shit. 1.00

01:00:43.000 There you go. 1.00

01:00:43.000 You gotta do it into our normal lives. 1.00

01:00:45.000 Health benefits of whiskey.

01:00:46.000 Normal lives.

01:00:47.000 What foods can we eat?

01:00:48.000 We're already gluttonous.

01:00:49.000 You gotta say, like, this is our experience.

01:00:51.000 How can we guide that?

01:00:53.000 Right.

01:00:54.000 I gained a lot of weight in Thailand, my first, like, trip to... 0.99

01:00:58.000 Me and Mark Tyler, all that shit. 0.99

01:01:00.000 And then I was gaining weight and I'm like, fuck, I'm more active or whatever. 0.99

01:01:03.000 And my friend was like, Chang weight. 0.98

01:01:04.000 It's beer weight.

01:01:05.000 And I was like, ah, I gotta quit drinking.

01:01:07.000 And she's like, hold it right there.

01:01:08.000 Absolutely not.

01:01:09.000 You gotta switch to gin and tonics.

01:01:11.000 You know what I mean?

01:01:12.000 You gotta give advice based on what their lifestyle is.

01:01:15.000 Did you do that?

01:01:16.000 Yeah, and I lost a shitload of weight.

01:01:17.000 Absolutely.

01:01:18.000 Wow.

01:01:18.000 That grain weight from that beer.

01:01:20.000 Yeah, it's just like...

01:01:21.000 Heavy calories.

01:01:22.000 I like a stout beer, too.

01:01:23.000 That's what I like. 1.00

01:01:24.000 I like a fucking heavy beer. 1.00

01:01:25.000 That's gonna weigh you down. 1.00

01:01:26.000 Yeah, I like it.

01:01:27.000 That's what I like.

01:01:28.000 Thick foam.

01:01:29.000 I like a real beer.

01:01:30.000 I got Guinness.

01:01:31.000 A cold Guinness.

01:01:32.000 I like that.

01:01:33.000 That coffee taste to it.

01:01:34.000 Oh, yeah.

01:01:35.000 Oh, yeah.

01:01:35.000 I like an amber ale, too.

01:01:38.000 Like a nice dark ale.

01:01:40.000 Like a brown.

01:01:42.000 This is a lot of crazy little craft places out here.

01:01:45.000 I had this beer that tasted like kombucha the other day.

01:01:47.000 I was like, this is wild.

01:01:48.000 It's like kombucha type beer. 1.00

01:01:50.000 We still have that shit in the fridge? 0.99

01:01:52.000 That stuff from Form? 0.99

01:01:55.000 Yeah.

01:01:56.000 You just had the look that Mitzi always had. 0.52

01:01:58.000 When she had an employee, he was like, I don't want to get it.

01:02:01.000 So he's like, thinking of a way out of it.

01:02:02.000 And then he's like, no, I'll go get it.

01:02:06.000 We had Phil Demers.

01:02:10.000 He's the guy who's been running this lawsuit against Marineland.

01:02:14.000 He used to be an Orca trainer.

01:02:15.000 Shamusha?

01:02:16.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:02:17.000 It's horrible over there.

01:02:19.000 Horrible.

01:02:20.000 Phil's been on a bunch of times.

01:02:21.000 I try to help him get that message out.

01:02:23.000 But he brought his friend who...

01:02:25.000 He has something to do with this company.

01:02:28.000 Whether he owns it or he's part of it or maybe his friend owns it.

01:02:32.000 I wish I remember, but I don't. 0.99

01:02:33.000 But they brought this really cool fucking beer. 0.98

01:02:36.000 It was really interesting. 0.99

01:02:37.000 It was like no beer I've ever had before.

01:02:40.000 It was like...

01:02:41.000 The sours are really good and interesting.

01:02:43.000 But this didn't taste like regular beer, but it was delicious.

01:02:45.000 It was like very good tasting. 1.00

01:02:47.000 Yeah, IPAs suck dick. 1.00

01:02:48.000 You don't like IPAs? 1.00

01:02:49.000 No, they're garbage. 1.00

01:02:50.000 They're trash. 1.00

01:02:51.000 Wow. 1.00

01:02:51.000 And then I've done research. 1.00

01:02:52.000 But I like them.

01:02:53.000 Yeah, that makes sense.

01:02:54.000 Now what happens?

01:02:54.000 That makes sense.

01:02:54.000 You have no taste.

01:02:55.000 You have a lack of taste.

01:02:56.000 So if it makes sense, you would.

01:02:57.000 I drink ACDC and I listen to ACDC and I drink IPAs. 1.00

01:03:01.000 Put on your dumb fanny pack. 1.00

01:03:02.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:03:03.000 Pull out your IPAs and your fanny pack.

01:03:04.000 Pull out my fanny pack and my IPA. With these headphones in public.

01:03:07.000 Fuck yeah. 1.00

01:03:08.000 Yeah, and a cut-off t-shirt. 1.00

01:03:10.000 Cut-off sleeves.

01:03:11.000 Yeah.

01:03:13.000 Yeah, get your hyper color. 1.00

01:03:14.000 We need to get you some hyper color shit. 0.99

01:03:16.000 I think my wife threw away my tank tops. 0.99

01:03:18.000 What?

01:03:19.000 I think she did.

01:03:19.000 I don't even have any.

01:03:20.000 I'm trying to find tank tops.

01:03:22.000 How dare she?

01:03:22.000 Yeah, she doesn't like me wearing tank tops.

01:03:24.000 Why? 0.98

01:03:24.000 She thinks they're trash. 0.98

01:03:25.000 She's not wrong. 1.00

01:03:26.000 Trash people wear tank tops. 1.00

01:03:27.000 Oh, your wife is, I've met her, far classier than you. 1.00

01:03:31.000 I don't know why she's with you.

01:03:34.000 She must be embarrassed every time.

01:03:36.000 PTA meetings, she was like, come on, Joseph.

01:03:38.000 One of her friends said, you let him wear the fanny pack?

01:03:41.000 She said that to her.

01:03:42.000 You let him wear the fanny pack?

01:03:43.000 Isn't that hilarious?

01:03:45.000 That's my favorite thing about marriage.

01:03:47.000 Am I allowed?

01:03:49.000 Will you let him?

01:03:50.000 I'm like, what are we talking?

01:03:52.000 Are you a warden?

01:03:53.000 What are we saying here?

01:03:54.000 What?

01:03:54.000 Let me.

01:03:55.000 That is what it's like.

01:03:55.000 It's like a parole officer.

01:03:57.000 Like, where are you going?

01:03:58.000 What time are you going to be home?

01:03:59.000 Are you going to check in?

01:04:00.000 Check in with your officer here?

01:04:02.000 Yeah.

01:04:03.000 Yeah.

01:04:03.000 You can be embarrassed by my behavior, but you can't stop me.

01:04:06.000 I need you to piss in this cup. 1.00

01:04:07.000 Imagine if your wife gave you a drug test. 1.00

01:04:09.000 She didn't believe you would.

01:04:10.000 Ari, you got to stop smoking pot.

01:04:12.000 We have a family now.

01:04:13.000 You're like, what?

01:04:14.000 I've met people like that.

01:04:15.000 Oh, yeah.

01:04:16.000 And the thing is, they met as party people.

01:04:18.000 Oh, yeah.

01:04:19.000 And then one can't anymore, so they're like, no, you can't either.

01:04:21.000 Well, it's not even just that one can't anymore.

01:04:24.000 There are some people, whether it's men or women, because there's both, who they pretend they're really into something until they get close, and then they slowly start to...

01:04:34.000 Are these cold at all?

01:04:36.000 These are cold, but I don't think that's what you...

01:04:37.000 That's it. 1.00

01:04:38.000 Yeah, that's the shit. 1.00

01:04:39.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:04:40.000 Yeah, that's 100% it.

01:04:41.000 Can you get us some glasses?

01:04:43.000 Haha, you have to do more work.

01:04:46.000 Earn your salary. 1.00

01:04:47.000 Haha, fuck off. 1.00

01:04:50.000 He's not here. 1.00

01:04:50.000 But there's something that he could hear it out there. 1.00

01:04:52.000 Oh no!

01:04:53.000 I remember that before.

01:04:54.000 I was talking about somebody. 0.99

01:04:55.000 No, there's a fucking giant screen out in the lobby. 1.00

01:04:58.000 Fuck! 1.00

01:04:58.000 They can hear everything. 1.00

01:04:59.000 And I just outed them out of the closet. 1.00

01:05:01.000 Fuck! 1.00

01:05:02.000 I should have done it. 1.00

01:05:03.000 Oh no!

01:05:05.000 But when you get into the relationship, they pretend they like certain things.

01:05:10.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:05:11.000 And then you get deep in the relationship, and then all that shit's gone. 0.99

01:05:14.000 I have no interest in this. 0.99

01:05:15.000 Yeah.

01:05:15.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:05:16.000 And there's some, like, I used to be in it.

01:05:18.000 I'm not into it anymore.

01:05:18.000 I was like, sure, sure.

01:05:19.000 It's not worth talking about.

01:05:20.000 Right.

01:05:22.000 Have you ever had a friend like that where you're like, hey, you want to go see this movie?

01:05:24.000 I'm like, let me check in and see if I can.

01:05:26.000 And you're like, what?

01:05:28.000 Oh yeah, they have to check in.

01:05:29.000 Oh, they're all good, man.

01:05:30.000 Just crack that one. 0.97

01:05:32.000 Crack that one. 0.99

01:05:32.000 They're pretty easy. 0.99

01:05:37.000 Give it to me.

01:05:38.000 No way.

01:05:39.000 It's not a twist-off.

01:05:41.000 No, it's not a twist-off.

01:05:41.000 Oh.

01:05:43.000 Can you let me cut my hand open?

01:05:44.000 Is it a twist-off?

01:05:46.000 Remember when you said it would be so easy and then it wasn't so easy for you?

01:05:49.000 Oh, it's twisting.

01:05:51.000 But Joe, do you remember when you were like, just give it to me and give me nothing?

01:05:54.000 Oh, it's a cork, Jamie.

01:05:55.000 That's what it is.

01:05:56.000 Hey, Jamie.

01:05:57.000 Hey, Jamie.

01:05:58.000 Sorry.

01:06:00.000 I was trying to remember. 0.99

01:06:01.000 Get out there, dork. 1.00

01:06:03.000 This guy is so mean. 1.00

01:06:06.000 What's that? 0.89

01:06:07.000 I believe so, yes.

01:06:08.000 A bottle opener?

01:06:09.000 You'd have to have a bottle opener.

01:06:10.000 Yeah, we have to.

01:06:10.000 We opened these before.

01:06:12.000 It's not a bottle opener.

01:06:13.000 It's a cork.

01:06:14.000 We need a screw. 0.99

01:06:16.000 Yeah, a corkscrew.

01:06:17.000 Pretty sure we have one.

01:06:19.000 Bottle of wine opener.

01:06:20.000 Yeah.

01:06:20.000 But it's good.

01:06:21.000 It's going to be worth it when it's all done.

01:06:22.000 And this is from, I believe this is from Form.

01:06:26.000 What is that?

01:06:27.000 Company?

01:06:27.000 Yeah, a company that makes this stuff.

01:06:29.000 It's really good.

01:06:30.000 I mean, it's like some of my favorites.

01:06:31.000 Yeah, there's this forum right here. 0.99

01:06:32.000 You must get sent hella shit, huh? 1.00

01:06:34.000 Yeah, hella shit. 1.00

01:06:35.000 A lot of whiskey. 1.00

01:06:36.000 I got a lot of whiskey from a bunch of different companies.

01:06:39.000 Who was doing it, the one of the Vulcan?

01:06:40.000 He was like, I'll send you some stuff.

01:06:42.000 I was like, that's cool.

01:06:43.000 Whistlepig?

01:06:43.000 Whistlepig.

01:06:44.000 Good shit. 1.00

01:06:44.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:06:45.000 Thank you, sir. 0.98

01:06:47.000 Whistlepig's fucking legit. 0.97

01:06:48.000 That's very good. 0.99

01:06:50.000 You used to have these piles of dumb MMA shirts at your old place before the podcast.

01:06:56.000 And I was like, hey, can I have one? 0.95

01:06:58.000 You were like, take whatever you want.

01:07:01.000 They're going straight to goodwill without being unfolded.

01:07:03.000 That was the early days of MMA. Everybody wanted to make a t-shirt that had like a pit bull fucking a dragon in the ass. 0.99

01:07:11.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:07:11.000 It was always like, yeah, I'm the hardest with the fucking hard. 1.00

01:07:14.000 Last to die, first to live. 0.99

01:07:16.000 Yeah, exactly.

01:07:17.000 Like, some people are grapplers, some people are strikers.

01:07:21.000 I'm both.

01:07:23.000 Yeah.

01:07:23.000 All caps.

01:07:24.000 The one I wanted to make was Jesus on a cross, like that, and it goes, Jesus never tapped.

01:07:29.000 Give me that.

01:07:30.000 I thought it'd be cool.

01:07:31.000 I think that exists.

01:07:32.000 Hell yes.

01:07:33.000 Whoever did that, you're a genius.

01:07:34.000 I do think that exists.

01:07:36.000 Jesus never tapped.

01:07:37.000 I'm pretty sure.

01:07:38.000 See if you can find that, Jamie.

01:07:40.000 He was ruled out.

01:07:40.000 Jesus never tapped.

01:07:42.000 This has to be, right?

01:07:43.000 I'm very sure someone, and I think they were serious.

01:07:48.000 It's from the Christians. 1.00

01:07:49.000 Look at this.

01:07:50.000 Jesus never tapped out.

01:07:52.000 Yes, Christians!

01:07:53.000 Come on, bro.

01:07:54.000 Keep performing for us.

01:07:55.000 See that one with the red and white, the baseball jersey looking one?

01:07:58.000 Please order me that.

01:07:59.000 Jesus never tapped.

01:08:00.000 Oh, yeah.

01:08:01.000 Order me that in a large.

01:08:02.000 Jesus never tapped out.

01:08:03.000 Yeah.

01:08:04.000 Oh, my God.

01:08:05.000 Please get me that.

01:08:06.000 Thank you.

01:08:06.000 Jesus never tapped out.

01:08:09.000 Super important.

01:08:10.000 Just be tapped.

01:08:13.000 Jesus never tapped out.

01:08:15.000 Told you.

01:08:16.000 It's like there's a hundred of those out there. 0.99

01:08:19.000 And they're also stealing the fucking logo from Tap Out with that design. 0.99

01:08:24.000 That was just a fucking copyright. 0.99

01:08:26.000 Jesus didn't have copyright laws either. 0.99

01:08:28.000 You got a lot of foam in here, but you get the point.

01:08:31.000 Let's try this.

01:08:31.000 Cheers.

01:08:32.000 Cheers, bro.

01:08:33.000 He didn't even get any.

01:08:34.000 Look at that ground and pound seven days a week. 0.99

01:08:36.000 Jesus is killing the devil.

01:08:39.000 Yeah.

01:08:40.000 Somebody made me a tour poster.

01:08:42.000 This is good?

01:08:42.000 This is good.

01:08:43.000 This is sour, which is nice.

01:08:45.000 It's like an interesting flavor, right?

01:08:46.000 Somebody made me a tour poster?

01:08:48.000 I've had my fans make them.

01:08:50.000 Yeah, I've seen them.

01:08:50.000 I've seen them.

01:08:51.000 They're great.

01:08:52.000 Go to Ari's Instagram page.

01:08:54.000 He's got these fan-made tour posters. 0.93

01:08:56.000 They're fucking hilarious. 0.92

01:08:58.000 They make me laugh so much. 0.99

01:09:00.000 Wrong side of history tour.

01:09:02.000 Do you have a name for your tour?

01:09:04.000 No, I said I don't have a name yet.

01:09:05.000 If you guys want to come up with a name, you're more than welcome to.

01:09:07.000 I like the wrong side of history.

01:09:08.000 That one I'm kind of leaning towards.

01:09:10.000 I like that.

01:09:10.000 That one keeps getting me.

01:09:11.000 I like that, and I like that picture that they used too.

01:09:13.000 Jim Jones.

01:09:14.000 Yeah.

01:09:15.000 I like it.

01:09:16.000 I'm the leader of it.

01:09:18.000 What else you got?

01:09:19.000 Stop the Steal Tour.

01:09:20.000 You with the MAGA hat.

01:09:21.000 Look what it says under me.

01:09:23.000 Joe Biden didn't win the 2020 election.

01:09:25.000 I'm not joking.

01:09:26.000 This is what I actually believe. 0.96

01:09:29.000 And I'm just like honor bound to be like, if you make something that makes me laugh, I'll fucking put it up. 0.93

01:09:34.000 Beautiful. 0.91

01:09:35.000 That's cool.

01:09:35.000 And you just tag them.

01:09:36.000 Yeah, I tag him and was like, that's fucking awful. 0.97

01:09:38.000 Nice. 1.00

01:09:39.000 Suck my own dick to her. 1.00

01:09:40.000 Oh yeah. 1.00

01:09:40.000 The 16 city solution to her. 1.00

01:09:45.000 I've had a few taken down by Instagram.

01:09:47.000 Like what?

01:09:48.000 What'd they say?

01:09:49.000 Go fly a kike. 1.00

01:09:50.000 They're like, hate speech.

01:09:52.000 The haul lol cost.

01:09:54.000 That's interesting. 0.81

01:09:55.000 And this one stayed up, the Suck My Own Dick Tour. 0.99

01:09:57.000 The Sucking My Own Dick Tour is coming to a town near you. 1.00

01:10:00.000 It's you. 0.99

01:10:01.000 How come that's okay?

01:10:03.000 I don't know.

01:10:04.000 I guess there's no real nudity? 0.99

01:10:05.000 Yeah, there's no real dick. 1.00

01:10:06.000 The dick is blurred out, I guess? 1.00

01:10:08.000 I guess. 1.00

01:10:09.000 Or your dick is so small that you can't suck it from that position? 1.00

01:10:11.000 Is that... 1.00

01:10:11.000 And they'll send me some. 1.00

01:10:12.000 This one was the Jesus fucking Christ tour. 1.00

01:10:14.000 And it was just, Jesus fucking another Jesus. 1.00

01:10:19.000 One was like, I've got herpes tour. 1.00

01:10:21.000 And it was a full cock with herpes scars of my face. 0.99

01:10:24.000 Oh my god. 0.99

01:10:24.000 And I'm like, I can't put this on Instagram. 0.99

01:10:26.000 I put it on my Patreon.

01:10:27.000 But anyone's is like, too much.

01:10:28.000 But Instagram...

01:10:29.000 It is...

01:10:31.000 Ari Shafir's I Love Jesus and Jesus Loves Me Tour.

01:10:34.000 Look at the face of you!

01:10:35.000 Coming to Long Island.

01:10:36.000 Jesus is begging you.

01:10:38.000 And who is that in the picture?

01:10:40.000 The girl, though.

01:10:41.000 Oh.

01:10:42.000 The girl that put Ari's face.

01:10:43.000 It's a strange look.

01:10:44.000 It's like a cartoony nun.

01:10:46.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:10:46.000 Like anime or some shit. 1.00

01:10:47.000 Yeah, exactly. 0.83

01:10:48.000 Someone added that already on top.

01:10:49.000 Hilarious. 0.99

01:10:50.000 It's so dumb. 0.99

01:10:51.000 I'm having so much fun with it. 0.99

01:10:52.000 I'll walk to the dog park and I'll just start laughing in public.

01:10:54.000 Yeah.

01:10:55.000 There's a lot of funny dudes out there that don't get a chance to be funny.

01:10:59.000 They're not comics, but they really have a great sense of humor.

01:11:03.000 And I'm like, do whatever, man.

01:11:04.000 If it's funny.

01:11:05.000 Oh, writing Joe Rogan's coattails. 0.99

01:11:07.000 Some of them, they're like, this fucking hurt, dude. 1.00

01:11:11.000 I'm like, damn it. 1.00

01:11:14.000 Yikes. 0.99

01:11:16.000 There's a lot of funny dudes out there, man.

01:11:18.000 Especially when you're talking about the internet is funnier than any comedian.

01:11:23.000 It's the version of 10,000 monkeys sitting in typewriters putting out the world's greatest novel.

01:11:28.000 The internet is that with humor.

01:11:29.000 A little bit.

01:11:30.000 And it's also like frustrated people that work shitty jobs and they have time because no one's looking.

01:11:36.000 And so they're in their cubicle and they're looking around and they're just like, oh my god.

01:11:39.000 Noticing.

01:11:39.000 Just making this Ari Jaffir thing instead of working.

01:11:42.000 What are you doing, Johnson?

01:11:43.000 It's giving something fun to do.

01:11:45.000 Yeah.

01:11:46.000 There's so many people that have so much wasted time at work.

01:11:50.000 Unless your work monitors what you're doing on your computer every day.

01:11:54.000 Some of them do.

01:11:55.000 Some of them do, but some of them don't. 0.97

01:11:57.000 Some of them let you bring your own computer from home, and if you're bringing your own laptop, you ain't getting shit done. 0.97

01:12:03.000 Nah.

01:12:04.000 You know what I'm really loving about COVID? What?

01:12:08.000 The death.

01:12:09.000 No, no, no.

01:12:11.000 The people are reanalyzing what they want out of their lives.

01:12:14.000 It was a moment of clarity of like, I'm not going anywhere for a minute, and I have time to think.

01:12:19.000 You know, which people don't really get.

01:12:20.000 We don't, as comics, we're on the road unpacking, repacking, unpacking, repacking.

01:12:24.000 And then you never stop.

01:12:25.000 You're like, how much do I want to be on the road? 0.99

01:12:28.000 Everybody's whole experience, same sort of shit, you know? 0.98

01:12:30.000 How much do I want to be a doctor? 0.99

01:12:32.000 How much do I want to go to work?

01:12:33.000 And now people are like, what's a 40-hour work week?

01:12:35.000 When was that started? 0.97

01:12:36.000 Yeah, what is that horseshit?

01:12:37.000 Way before the internet. 0.93

01:12:39.000 When did that start?

01:12:40.000 Yeah.

01:12:41.000 And so people are now going like, can I do two days a week?

01:12:44.000 Can I do five hours a day?

01:12:45.000 Like, why do we have to do this?

01:12:47.000 I know a few people that got lucky enough to have been home with their newborn child for this.

01:12:53.000 Couldn't have hit it at a better time.

01:12:54.000 They got to be there for the first few years.

01:12:57.000 Um...

01:12:59.000 And so it's like, what an opportunity, you know?

01:13:01.000 And they're like, why am I going back to work?

01:13:02.000 It also gets you in this position where when you're looking at your life and you're looking at your future and you realize your job can just get taken away like that, right?

01:13:10.000 If you're working at a restaurant or if you're working at a comedy club or somewhere where they just killed the business.

01:13:15.000 And you're sitting there going, okay, I didn't like this job anyway, and now it can all be taken away from me because I need my own thing.

01:13:23.000 I don't want to work for anybody anymore because so many companies went under during this COVID period.

01:13:29.000 A lot of people started their own businesses.

01:13:31.000 I think it's awesome.

01:13:32.000 A lot of girls started showing their cooter. 1.00

01:13:34.000 Oh, OnlyFans.

01:13:35.000 Yes.

01:13:36.000 Really thrive from this.

01:13:37.000 Oh my god.

01:13:38.000 A lot of independents. 1.00

01:13:39.000 You get those creeps to stare at your asshole, you can make a lot of money. 1.00

01:13:43.000 I mean, I wouldn't call them creeps. 1.00

01:13:45.000 They're just gentlemen.

01:13:46.000 They're just gentlemen doing the gentlemanly thing.

01:13:48.000 Yeah, they're just looking.

01:13:49.000 I mean, I think it's implied consent when you go onto their website.

01:13:52.000 Yes.

01:13:53.000 Look, I think that's one of the interesting things that's going on in this pandemic as well, is that New York City has basically decriminalized prostitution.

01:14:00.000 What do you mean?

01:14:01.000 Oh, it's been that way for housewives. 1.00

01:14:03.000 There's this undercurrent, dude.

01:14:04.000 Housewives? 0.83

01:14:05.000 Regular chicks putting out for money a couple times a month. 0.99

01:14:09.000 What are you talking about? 0.95

01:14:09.000 There's a legit type of hooker out there that's not a street walker and they're not like madams. 0.95

01:14:14.000 They're just like extra money on the side. 0.97

01:14:16.000 The Uber driver of hookers. 0.99

01:14:18.000 Really? 1.00

01:14:18.000 Yes. 1.00

01:14:19.000 How do you know about this? 1.00

01:14:20.000 Well, without telling me who you fucked. 1.00

01:14:22.000 I fuck a lot, dude. 1.00

01:14:23.000 Just tell me. 1.00

01:14:23.000 I know you do. 1.00

01:14:24.000 Yeah, so anyway. 1.00

01:14:25.000 And I heard you fuck well. 1.00

01:14:26.000 Thanks. 1.00

01:14:28.000 Thanks.

01:14:29.000 Jamie, please do not edit that.

01:14:30.000 Thank you.

01:14:31.000 Enhance.

01:14:32.000 Enhance volume on that, please.

01:14:34.000 Well. 0.99

01:14:34.000 He fucks well. 0.99

01:14:37.000 Echo thing. 0.99

01:14:39.000 Reverb, yeah.

01:14:40.000 A chick I hooked up with once in a while, you know, met her friend.

01:14:44.000 She goes, what did you think of her?

01:14:45.000 Did you like her?

01:14:46.000 I was like, oh yeah, she's cute and cool, whatever.

01:14:48.000 She's like, we should have a threesome. 1.00

01:14:49.000 And I was like, oh, for sure, maybe.

01:14:51.000 She goes, yeah, how much should you pay for it?

01:14:52.000 I was like, what?

01:14:54.000 She's like, yeah, I mean, you know. 0.98

01:14:55.000 And this is a chick I fucked once in a while. 1.00

01:14:57.000 They all just, then I started to notice it. 0.98

01:15:00.000 A lot of chicks, rich guys are like, I'll slide you a few hundred. 1.00

01:15:04.000 And then they go like, that's a possibility.

01:15:05.000 I knew a girl who was an artist. 0.91

01:15:07.000 Yeah? 1.00

01:15:07.000 And she used to fuck old rich guys. 1.00

01:15:10.000 And she felt it was like a completely legitimate way to make money. 0.99

01:15:15.000 Why wouldn't it be?

01:15:17.000 It's donating blood, right? 1.00

01:15:18.000 If you don't value giving away sex, if you don't think it's that bad, if you fuck a guy in a bathroom at a bar... 0.99

01:15:25.000 If you haven't hurt yourself in any way, then it's like, what's the difference? 0.97

01:15:28.000 She knew these people and she had semi-friendships with them. 0.99

01:15:32.000 She's not being forced to fuck anybody. 1.00

01:15:34.000 She always was like, I don't want to. 0.99

01:15:35.000 I didn't know her well enough to ask her questions.

01:15:40.000 Do you ever not want to do it, but you do need the money? 0.98

01:15:43.000 Does it fuck with your intimacy with guys that you want to be with? 0.90

01:15:47.000 Those are the real questions. 0.96

01:15:49.000 Does it ever become work?

01:15:52.000 Right, because this is the problem with online articles.

01:15:56.000 You're like, how can Vulture say this?

01:15:58.000 Or how can The Atlantic say this?

01:15:59.000 And it boils down to the writer needs 300 bucks.

01:16:03.000 They don't really care.

01:16:04.000 They drop an article and move on.

01:16:05.000 And it's destroying your life, but they've just moved on because they need 300 bucks.

01:16:08.000 So the 300 is incentivizing them to just put something out. 0.99

01:16:12.000 So the 300 or 1,000 she's getting is like, I kind of want to stay home tonight, but I got to fuck this guy for... 0.99

01:16:18.000 But also, it's up to her. 0.99

01:16:20.000 Right.

01:16:20.000 Yeah.

01:16:21.000 I mean, if they're friends with the dudes.

01:16:23.000 Yeah.

01:16:24.000 I mean, you don't want to go work sometimes.

01:16:25.000 You have to. 0.88

01:16:26.000 Yeah, but imagine this guy's like some CEO at a hedge fund or some shit, and he's making, you know, $10 million a year or something crazy, and he'll throw her 2,500 bucks. 0.89

01:16:37.000 Does it mean much to him? 0.65

01:16:39.000 It means a lot to her?

01:16:39.000 Exactly.

01:16:40.000 Remember a pretty woman? 0.98

01:16:41.000 I would have given you five.

01:16:44.000 She goes, I would have done it for one.

01:16:46.000 It's like, oh, okay.

01:16:49.000 I mean, who cares?

01:16:53.000 Who normal is still like, whoa, sex, it's the biggest thing. 0.99

01:16:57.000 You had sex with someone. 0.87

01:16:58.000 It's like, who gives anyone cool... 1.00

01:17:01.000 You're fucking, man. 1.00

01:17:02.000 Right. 1.00

01:17:02.000 You fuck some people you regret. 1.00

01:17:03.000 You fuck some people you don't regret. 1.00

01:17:05.000 Right. 1.00

01:17:05.000 You got to fuck a celebrity here or there. 1.00

01:17:08.000 I know a chick that fucks some rapper. 1.00

01:17:09.000 Wow. 0.99

01:17:10.000 And she's like, Ari, I called you.

01:17:11.000 No one's going to understand. 0.91

01:17:12.000 I'm like, that's fucking awesome. 0.97

01:17:14.000 I know that rap. 0.97

01:17:15.000 I know that is.

01:17:15.000 Way to go.

01:17:16.000 Way to bet a good one.

01:17:18.000 Like, you know what I mean?

01:17:19.000 Like, who cares?

01:17:20.000 We're in a bed, a good one.

01:17:20.000 I don't know.

01:17:21.000 I didn't use the words.

01:17:22.000 You're talking like an old grandma.

01:17:23.000 Yeah.

01:17:24.000 You're out there bedding a goodie. 1.00

01:17:25.000 That's fucking cool. 1.00

01:17:26.000 Dude, if I fucked Joan Jett, you didn't think I'd tell you? 1.00

01:17:28.000 She's a lesbian. 1.00

01:17:29.000 That would be even more impressive. 0.99

01:17:30.000 How dare she?

01:17:31.000 I love rock and roll.

01:17:33.000 Yeah.

01:17:33.000 But if I had told you something like that, you'd be like, you wouldn't be like, oh, I gotta go.

01:17:38.000 You'd be like, no, no, tell me all about it.

01:17:39.000 Right, for sure.

01:17:40.000 It's awesome, so why shouldn't I get it?

01:17:42.000 But here's the thing that makes it really weird.

01:17:44.000 Why is it okay if people have sex for free?

01:17:48.000 But it's not okay if people have sex for money.

01:17:50.000 Yeah.

01:17:50.000 But it's totally okay if you give massages for money.

01:17:54.000 Which is also sort of sexual. 0.89

01:17:55.000 It's very sexual.

01:17:57.000 Watch Pulp Fiction, you know that, right?

01:17:58.000 Or if it's very pleasurable, we should just say that.

01:18:01.000 Yeah. 0.95

01:18:01.000 It may not be pleasurable to your genitals, but when someone's rubbing your back and you're like, oh. 0.95

01:18:07.000 Or if you have sex and here's some money, wait, wait, now it got gross? 0.99

01:18:11.000 Right. 0.88

01:18:11.000 But if you just came in and talked for a while, like, hey, here's some money, it's not as gross? 0.88

01:18:16.000 Right.

01:18:16.000 It's strange.

01:18:17.000 It's strange.

01:18:18.000 It is strange.

01:18:19.000 Money is a weird thing.

01:18:20.000 It makes things very odd.

01:18:22.000 Yeah, it really does.

01:18:23.000 It really does.

01:18:24.000 Hey.

01:18:24.000 Because it incentivizes people to work harder.

01:18:26.000 Uh-huh.

01:18:27.000 That's good.

01:18:28.000 And that's kind of good because everybody wants, like, this is a whole thought of, like, we need income equality.

01:18:33.000 Okay, but we also need effort equality. 0.74

01:18:36.000 Right.

01:18:36.000 And we don't have that.

01:18:37.000 Right.

01:18:37.000 There's not going to be an equality of effort, so there's not going to be a equality of money.

01:18:41.000 But guys that are working all day long in a mine or something like that, they're working hard.

01:18:46.000 That's a different thing.

01:18:47.000 People who are willing to work hard but can't make.

01:18:51.000 That's a different thing.

01:18:52.000 That's a thing where you're taking advantage of someone because they don't have any other options.

01:18:56.000 Did you notice when you went from young headliner to maybe even news radio, people treated you differently because you had money and they wanted to get some of it or to be around it?

01:19:09.000 I have had the most ridiculous requests for me to help people start their businesses.

01:19:17.000 Yeah. 0.85

01:19:18.000 Yeah, like asking me for a million dollars.

01:19:20.000 Wow!

01:19:20.000 Yeah.

01:19:22.000 Wow!

01:19:23.000 I will pay you back within 10 years.

01:19:25.000 I got to tip this waitress. 0.58

01:19:26.000 Like, wow!

01:19:27.000 I've had people ask me to invest in their business and they'll pay me back the money that I gave them and not even give me any extra money.

01:19:35.000 Oh, just like it's a loan to help me out.

01:19:37.000 It's a loan but with no interest.

01:19:39.000 Like as if I just have free money laying around to give to people that I barely know because they want to start a business.

01:19:45.000 I guarantee that this business is not a risk to you.

01:19:49.000 I will pay you back. 1.00

01:19:50.000 And they're like, you are fucking insane. 1.00

01:19:52.000 Okay, but it's the gall to do that. 1.00

01:19:54.000 But where does it come from?

01:19:54.000 Does it come from a place of like, you just happen to find this money, you don't deserve it?

01:19:58.000 Someone I barely know, barely know, just asked me for $30,000.

01:20:01.000 Wow.

01:20:02.000 Barely know, met him once.

01:20:04.000 Maybe met him twice.

01:20:05.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:20:06.000 For some fucking project they're doing. 0.99

01:20:08.000 And not like, can I put you on an investment? 0.99

01:20:11.000 Just like, can I borrow this or have it? 0.98

01:20:12.000 They just want me to give them the money, and even if I'm investing, I'm investing in some fucking thing that they're doing. 0.97

01:20:17.000 Like, come on. 1.00

01:20:18.000 People are crazy.

01:20:20.000 They're trying to figure out a way to get something done through channels other than traditional banks. 1.00

01:20:27.000 You know, banks are fucking smart. 0.96

01:20:29.000 They look at you, they go, how much money do you have in the bank? 0.99

01:20:31.000 Okay.

01:20:32.000 And how much do you want from us?

01:20:33.000 And how much do you make?

01:20:34.000 And what's your plan?

01:20:35.000 Let me see your plan.

01:20:36.000 How are you going to make this money?

01:20:38.000 You've never done this before?

01:20:40.000 You have no success whatsoever in this endeavor?

01:20:43.000 Okay.

01:20:43.000 What am I doing?

01:20:44.000 You think I'm stupid? 1.00

01:20:45.000 How did I become Bank of America? 1.00

01:20:47.000 I didn't become Bank of America.

01:20:48.000 This is what happened in 2008. We gave you these loans.

01:20:50.000 Now we're not doing it.

01:20:51.000 Giving away free money to dreamers.

01:20:53.000 Yeah, there's a lot of that.

01:20:55.000 There's a lot of that.

01:20:56.000 And there's a lot of people that you can absolutely tell try to get close to you.

01:20:59.000 They weasel their way in.

01:21:01.000 I found a lot of people lying to other friends.

01:21:04.000 This is where it gets really weird.

01:21:05.000 I'll get to know someone just barely, like a guy that I met at the gym or a guy that I met at the gun range or a guy that I met, like those kind of guys.

01:21:13.000 And then all of a sudden they're telling friends, like maybe I like...

01:21:18.000 I had like an internet exchange with them.

01:21:20.000 Like they sent me a DM. I sent him a DM back.

01:21:23.000 Yeah, that sounds cool, man.

01:21:24.000 Good luck with that.

01:21:24.000 And then all of a sudden they're telling people they're good friends with me and they can guarantee that I'll come to an event.

01:21:29.000 And then they're trying to get me to go to this event.

01:21:31.000 And then someone at the event says, hey man, just so you know, this guy is saying he's your good friend and he can guarantee that you'll come to that event if he gets X amount for this and X amount for that and access to this or access to that.

01:21:44.000 Wow.

01:21:45.000 Yeah, me and a buddy of mine just went through with that with a guy that I had met in California.

01:21:50.000 And then I found out out here that he was doing that.

01:21:53.000 And I was like, this is wild. 0.99

01:21:55.000 Damn, you're not even going to that. 0.99

01:21:57.000 Don't even, barely know the guy. 0.99

01:22:00.000 Pretending we're really good friends.

01:22:02.000 Pretending that he can get me into events and using my name to try to get... 0.99

01:22:07.000 It's a shitty place. 0.98

01:22:08.000 I mean, what we saw yesterday... 1.00

01:22:11.000 I looked at you after hearing someone trying to be around you.

01:22:16.000 Oh, that one lady? 1.00

01:22:17.000 Yeah.

01:22:17.000 How about when she started crying?

01:22:19.000 She started crying to get your attention. 0.89

01:22:21.000 She went outside.

01:22:22.000 I saw it from the beginning.

01:22:23.000 I didn't know what was happening.

01:22:24.000 She went outside.

01:22:25.000 She did the tearing thing. 0.97

01:22:26.000 Don't be specific about this, please.

01:22:28.000 But it looked like this.

01:22:30.000 You can leave it there.

01:22:32.000 It looked like she'd been dumped or something.

01:22:33.000 In her stress, she just picks up a piece of it and just goes...

01:22:37.000 Like, she was in real pain.

01:22:39.000 Yeah.

01:22:40.000 We were looking at her.

01:22:41.000 And then she did it so you would look at her.

01:22:43.000 It almost worked, I feel like.

01:22:45.000 But like, not really.

01:22:45.000 Because we all turned to looking.

01:22:46.000 What's going on?

01:22:47.000 Yeah.

01:22:48.000 Because we saw that the guy was still there, and then the girl went outside and she was crying outside on the street.

01:22:53.000 And our table was near the street.

01:22:55.000 It was very strange.

01:22:56.000 I was like, I had to go to the bathroom, so I was like, I'm going to go ask her.

01:22:58.000 And Shane's like, you won't.

01:22:59.000 And I'm like, I'm going to go ask her right now.

01:23:00.000 But you won't, though.

01:23:01.000 What is he talking about?

01:23:03.000 Does he not know you?

01:23:04.000 He was right, though.

01:23:04.000 I walked right past her.

01:23:05.000 Did you?

01:23:06.000 You didn't do it?

01:23:06.000 I'm not going to ask her why were you crying.

01:23:07.000 Oh, I would have asked her.

01:23:08.000 If I was you, you got nothing to lose.

01:23:10.000 Nothing to lose.

01:23:11.000 That's right.

01:23:12.000 Guys, you can be like me, but I'm going to take it away, and you also will have nothing to lose.

01:23:18.000 Nothing to lose.

01:23:18.000 Nothing to lose tour.

01:23:19.000 The best place to be.

01:23:20.000 Nothing to lose tour.

01:23:21.000 Yes.

01:23:21.000 That's a good one.

01:23:22.000 Ooh, that's not bad.

01:23:23.000 Get on it, internet.

01:23:24.000 That's not bad.

01:23:25.000 Nothing to lose.

01:23:26.000 I like it.

01:23:27.000 Just you with, like, holding your pockets.

01:23:29.000 That's right.

01:23:30.000 Pulled out pockets, empty, like, Nothing To Lose Tour.

01:23:32.000 I like it.

01:23:33.000 Yeah, all my loved ones abandoning me.

01:23:35.000 Nothing To Lose Tour.

01:23:36.000 I like that.

01:23:37.000 Tickets available at rshaffir.com with the Nothing To Lose Tour.

01:23:39.000 I like that name.

01:23:40.000 That's a good name.

01:23:41.000 That's a good name.

01:23:42.000 That is a good name.

01:23:43.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:23:43.000 Well, that kind of shit is weird. 1.00

01:23:45.000 It's like people get very obsessed with talking to someone that they've seen on television. 0.99

01:23:50.000 You'll be on that in...

01:23:51.000 There it is!

01:23:54.000 Who's going to be Martin Lawrence?

01:23:56.000 You will, Shorty!

01:23:57.000 How dare you! 0.99

01:23:59.000 How dare you! 0.99

01:24:04.000 Fits out pretty perfect.

01:24:05.000 We're about the same heights as those two.

01:24:07.000 Pretty close.

01:24:09.000 Hilarious.

01:24:10.000 Hilarious.

01:24:11.000 You also have this thing.

01:24:13.000 Oh, so I remember looking when we found out like, oh, she was just faking the cry to make you look at her. 0.88

01:24:17.000 We didn't realize that until way later.

01:24:19.000 And I looked at you, and I was just like, what's your life now, man?

01:24:23.000 This is a weird place to be.

01:24:25.000 This is like...

01:24:27.000 It's weird, but I'm still the same person.

01:24:29.000 You are.

01:24:29.000 Me and Shane were talking about it.

01:24:31.000 We're like, damn, for celebrity. 1.00

01:24:32.000 He's fucking Norm. 1.00

01:24:35.000 I can stay me. 1.00

01:24:37.000 Yeah.

01:24:37.000 I know how to stay me.

01:24:38.000 You gotta be mindful of it, though, right?

01:24:40.000 Yeah, it takes work, but I work a lot.

01:24:42.000 Yeah.

01:24:43.000 I'm working at it.

01:24:43.000 You know, I get off the rails a little bit, but I bring myself back.

01:24:47.000 I bring myself back with, like, mostly exercise.

01:24:51.000 Ruthless exercise brings me back, because it's so humbling.

01:24:55.000 So humbling, man.

01:24:56.000 When you're so tired, and you got, like, five more sets to go, and you got a timer that's going off, and, like, you're doing rounds in the bag. 1.00

01:25:03.000 The shit that I do is so humbling. 0.99

01:25:05.000 I'm so tired. 1.00

01:25:07.000 I get so tired that after I'm done with that, I can't take myself seriously.

01:25:10.000 I don't take anything seriously.

01:25:12.000 You can't be like...

01:25:12.000 Right.

01:25:13.000 Do you ever see that...

01:25:14.000 Was it Hot Rod or one of those Lonely Island guys' movies?

01:25:19.000 And it was like he was a movie star or a music star, and he's playing basketball.

01:25:23.000 Me and Big Jay always talk about this.

01:25:24.000 He throws the basketball up over his head behind him, and he just goes, nothing but net!

01:25:29.000 And then it misses by like 40 feet.

01:25:30.000 But all his yes men go, oh! 0.98

01:25:32.000 Like it went in.

01:25:33.000 Oh, that's hilarious.

01:25:34.000 So he just can't keep a normal mind.

01:25:36.000 Yeah.

01:25:37.000 Well, hang around with comics.

01:25:39.000 They'll never let you do that. 0.96

01:25:40.000 I mean, they'll shit on you for winning. 0.98

01:25:43.000 For everything. 0.99

01:25:43.000 It doesn't matter. 0.99

01:25:44.000 Even if you do it.

01:25:45.000 Yeah, exactly. 0.99

01:25:45.000 I get shit on all the time. 0.99

01:25:47.000 Constantly. 1.00

01:25:48.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:25:48.000 You ever try to fight a group shit? 0.99

01:25:51.000 No. 0.99

01:25:51.000 And then you're like, no, no. 0.99

01:25:53.000 Just take it. 1.00

01:25:53.000 I take my shits. 1.00

01:25:54.000 I take it. 1.00

01:25:55.000 I take it right in the face. 0.87

01:25:58.000 You were doing yesterday's making some dumb point, and then, like, Ecuadorian elections, and you're like, dude, I couldn't understand you normally. 0.99

01:26:04.000 Your mouth is full of food. 0.98

01:26:06.000 And I was like, my point's done.

01:26:07.000 I'm not even gonna go back into it.

01:26:09.000 You're right.

01:26:11.000 You're always mumbling, even without food in your mouth.

01:26:14.000 You're trying to talk with a mouthful of pasta.

01:26:16.000 You're just like, time out. 1.00

01:26:18.000 What the fuck are you doing? 1.00

01:26:20.000 That's one of the beautiful things about comics is that we know that I can shit on you like that and we're all going to laugh. 1.00

01:26:26.000 And you can shit on me like that and I'm going to laugh. 0.99

01:26:28.000 We laugh when someone comes hard at you and we think it's funny. 1.00

01:26:32.000 No, that one actually hurt.

01:26:33.000 I get what you're saying.

01:26:36.000 Normally that would apply, but no.

01:26:39.000 Dude, I got you a present.

01:26:41.000 This is from the largest indigenous market in South America.

01:26:46.000 Wild, in Otoval, the city.

01:26:48.000 Mountain town.

01:26:50.000 One of my best Airbnbs ever were up there.

01:26:52.000 But, like, I did all my yogas.

01:26:54.000 Yoga with Ari.

01:26:55.000 The first, like, ten of them were up there.

01:26:56.000 Dude, Nate, sidetracked, but, like, Nate Barganzi.

01:26:59.000 I was talking to him, and he was like, oh, hey, man, I gotta, like, apologize.

01:27:02.000 I can't do an impression.

01:27:03.000 He was like, I gotta apologize.

01:27:04.000 Like, I saw a clip of Yoga with Ari, and we were talking about a move, a Holocaust move, and it just hit me like you were joking. 0.96

01:27:14.000 I thought you were seriously just teaching serious yoga online.

01:27:18.000 I'm like, no, what?

01:27:20.000 He was apologizing?

01:27:21.000 He was like, I took you as a non-comic for a minute.

01:27:23.000 I was like, oh, I guess Ari's just legitimately teaching yoga. 1.00

01:27:28.000 And I'm like, oh.

01:27:29.000 You can do both.

01:27:30.000 No, I do.

01:27:31.000 They're real moves.

01:27:32.000 Yeah, they're real moves.

01:27:33.000 I just don't nail them.

01:27:34.000 You do a good job.

01:27:35.000 Pretty good job.

01:27:36.000 Pretty good job.

01:27:36.000 You got pretty good at yoga during that one month that we did the yoga challenge.

01:27:40.000 You got pretty good at it.

01:27:41.000 You can wrap your legs around. 0.98

01:27:42.000 You got long ass legs and they're skinny. 1.00

01:27:43.000 So you can do a lot of that wrap legs around shit. 0.99

01:27:45.000 Whenever I did that with Yoga With Ari, I would always do it. 0.99

01:27:47.000 And I'd be like, by the way, my friends Joe Rogan and Bert Kreischer and Tom Segura cannot do this one.

01:27:53.000 Yeah, that's true.

01:27:53.000 And I can.

01:27:54.000 Yeah, I can't do that shit. 1.00

01:27:56.000 Yeah, but I have... 1.00

01:27:58.000 Thick fucking thighs. 0.99

01:27:59.000 Thick thighs save lives. 1.00

01:28:01.000 I can't wear regular underwear. 1.00

01:28:04.000 Because of your penis? 1.00

01:28:05.000 My legs rub together. 1.00

01:28:07.000 Really?

01:28:08.000 They rub together, yeah.

01:28:10.000 I legitimately, my first couple years, had a joke about that for massively obese people.

01:28:14.000 Yeah, that's me.

01:28:16.000 My pants, I'm wearing barbell jeans right now.

01:28:19.000 They wear out in the crotch.

01:28:21.000 Like, if you felt my crotch, I would let you feel it if I trusted you more. 0.78

01:28:25.000 I would feel it and I would love it. 0.99

01:28:27.000 I would get hard and let you look at it.

01:28:28.000 They wear holes through because my legs rub together.

01:28:30.000 So I wear these MeUndies that are boxer briefs.

01:28:33.000 I have to pull them down because if I don't pull them down then my legs will rub together when I have shorts on and they hurt.

01:28:38.000 Like I chaffed the inside of my legs out.

01:28:41.000 I'm not kidding.

01:28:42.000 I get red, like horrible. 0.98

01:28:44.000 Like if I have a workout and I don't wear these underwear, I get fucked up. 0.95

01:28:51.000 I took to wearing compression shorts in kickboxing class. 0.97

01:28:57.000 Okay, man, they put their pants on one leg, just like everybody else, and it's like, no, they don't.

01:29:02.000 Not me. 0.97

01:29:06.000 That's so fucking funny to me. 0.98

01:29:08.000 I've been kicking things for 40 years, you know? 0.98

01:29:13.000 I mean, my legs, they've been doing squats and kicking things most of my life.

01:29:19.000 So what, did they get chafed and red and burned up?

01:29:21.000 Yeah.

01:29:21.000 Wow.

01:29:22.000 Yeah, they're too thick. 0.99

01:29:23.000 That sucks, dude. 0.96

01:29:24.000 Sorry. 0.96

01:29:25.000 Yeah.

01:29:26.000 I'm short and I weigh 200 pounds, and most of it's in my legs.

01:29:30.000 So it's all this meat down here.

01:29:32.000 It's all this thick meat.

01:29:33.000 I'm 175 and I'm two inches taller than you, at least.

01:29:38.000 So anyway, I'm in the largest indigenous market.

01:29:40.000 Okay.

01:29:40.000 South American.

01:29:41.000 I'm looking at this gorgeous stuff, handmade.

01:29:43.000 They're making it right there, a lot of them. 0.97

01:29:45.000 I mean, it's so fucking... 0.98

01:29:47.000 What is it? 0.98

01:29:48.000 What'd you get me?

01:29:49.000 So I was like, what would...

01:29:50.000 I thought of some of my friends, you know?

01:29:52.000 Like, what would I get them? 0.96

01:29:55.000 Please don't let it be a dildo. 0.82

01:29:56.000 It's not a dildo.

01:29:57.000 They don't make novelty items.

01:29:58.000 These are like, I mean, that's a tiny section of it, but mostly this is like cool, interesting products and tapestries and like these weird Inti Rami masks.

01:30:06.000 What's an Inti Rami mask? 0.92

01:30:08.000 They're gorgeous.

01:30:09.000 What does it mean?

01:30:09.000 They're part of like the indigenous, it's just, it's, yeah, look it up.

01:30:13.000 You gotta see them.

01:30:13.000 They're beautiful.

01:30:14.000 And every one means something different.

01:30:16.000 I'm just, this is the market.

01:30:18.000 Yep, I have that.

01:30:19.000 Yeah, this is the market. 0.97

01:30:20.000 It's so fucking big. 0.99

01:30:21.000 That's dope. 0.99

01:30:22.000 You're not getting the scale of it.

01:30:23.000 And that's in Ecuador?

01:30:23.000 Yeah.

01:30:24.000 Yeah.

01:30:24.000 How safe was it there?

01:30:25.000 Did you feel safe?

01:30:26.000 Massively safe.

01:30:27.000 Really?

01:30:28.000 Yeah, outside of Waiake. 1.00

01:30:29.000 Wow, that fucking mountain's beautiful. 0.99

01:30:31.000 Were you living up in the mountains? 0.99

01:30:32.000 Yeah, you gotta get a still shot of that Yoga With Ori, because the backdrop behind me is just like what I would see every morning.

01:30:38.000 I would make my schedule so I could wake up for sunset, sunrise.

01:30:42.000 Ah, wow.

01:30:42.000 I would set my alarm.

01:30:43.000 It's like, there's no reason not to.

01:30:45.000 I would just see it come up over the mountains.

01:30:47.000 So pretty.

01:30:47.000 Just revealing a lake, and you're just like, Make some coffee and get ready and just see it.

01:30:54.000 It was just...

01:30:56.000 Look at you.

01:30:57.000 Yeah, look at that backdrop.

01:30:58.000 Wow.

01:30:58.000 That is beautiful, man.

01:31:01.000 Ari, day three of 31, understanding January challenge. 0.99

01:31:05.000 I didn't do those dumb fucking yoga with Adrian names. 0.99

01:31:08.000 Yeah, but look at you there with your head shaved like Kwai Chang Kane. 0.99

01:31:11.000 So, dude...

01:31:12.000 I like it.

01:31:12.000 The people who were renting us the place, they were...

01:31:15.000 Oh, yeah, these...

01:31:16.000 Oh, you're doing like fake motivation.

01:31:19.000 It's amazing.

01:31:20.000 Enlighten.

01:31:21.000 Oh my god.

01:31:23.000 Bro, you can start a cult with this.

01:31:24.000 Slow motion yoga, yeah.

01:31:26.000 Oh, be?

01:31:27.000 Just be.

01:31:28.000 What does it say?

01:31:28.000 Oh, just be.

01:31:29.000 Yeah, be yourself.

01:31:32.000 Just be, man.

01:31:33.000 Look at you.

01:31:34.000 I love your outfit.

01:31:35.000 Where'd you get that outfit?

01:31:36.000 Otavalo, at the Otavalo market. 0.99

01:31:38.000 That's like a monk outfit or some shit. 0.83

01:31:40.000 Yeah, so the people renting us the house, we stayed there for two weeks. 0.94

01:31:44.000 At the end, they were like, so are you like a yogi?

01:31:49.000 I had to tell them like, no, it's just a joke.

01:31:55.000 And they're like, but what are you, I mean, you're head shaved and you're wearing that, so how is it? 0.93

01:31:59.000 And I'm like, yeah, I'm doing all this for this dumb joke. 0.88

01:32:01.000 Oh, that's hilarious. 0.87

01:32:02.000 But I'm doing the moves!

01:32:03.000 Yeah, that's real.

01:32:05.000 You're doing it in a weird way, like someone's violating you.

01:32:09.000 Yeah, I mean, you know, I'm doing it the best I can.

01:32:11.000 You're doing it alright.

01:32:12.000 Thank you.

01:32:12.000 I mean, you are doing, what is that, like, cat and it's like, what is it called?

01:32:16.000 No, I call it dead cat, scared cat.

01:32:18.000 Oh, scared cat.

01:32:19.000 That's good.

01:32:20.000 I forget what they actually call it, but it's good enough.

01:32:23.000 Yeah, that's actually good for your back.

01:32:25.000 Yeah.

01:32:26.000 Look at you.

01:32:27.000 That's the one!

01:32:28.000 That's the one!

01:32:28.000 That's the one that Joe Rogan can't do!

01:32:29.000 I can't do that one.

01:32:31.000 I can't wrap my leg around like that. 1.00

01:32:33.000 My fucking fat thighs do not allow that to take place. 0.99

01:32:36.000 I've been trying to balance myself. 1.00

01:32:37.000 Guys, this is the most accessible yoga you're going to find.

01:32:39.000 It's on YouTube.com slash Ari Shavira.

01:32:41.000 100 classes.

01:32:42.000 And it's fun.

01:32:42.000 It's fun.

01:32:43.000 Because you're doing actual yoga.

01:32:45.000 You could actually do the moves and it's real yoga.

01:32:47.000 And we're laughing.

01:32:47.000 But you're having a good time.

01:32:49.000 Yeah.

01:32:49.000 Why can't you have a good time and be spiritual, man?

01:32:51.000 Exactly.

01:32:52.000 Yeah, why can't you be spiritual?

01:32:53.000 So I'm like, what would Joe like here?

01:32:55.000 I thought of a few of my friends and like, what can I get them and stuff?

01:32:58.000 And I was like...

01:32:59.000 It's a lot of buildup.

01:33:00.000 Yeah, and you're gone.

01:33:01.000 It's not going to be that crazy.

01:33:02.000 But I'm like, okay, what do you have?

01:33:03.000 You have a lack of taste, right? 1.00

01:33:06.000 So I can't get you anything artistic because you're disgusting. 0.99

01:33:08.000 But you also are into native cultures and things like that. 0.71

01:33:13.000 And then I found it.

01:33:14.000 I found it.

01:33:15.000 Oh, a native fanny pack.

01:33:17.000 Handmade.

01:33:18.000 Bought it from the person who made it.

01:33:21.000 Legit.

01:33:21.000 Cannot think of anything that you would like more than that.

01:33:25.000 That's tight, dude.

01:33:26.000 I like that.

01:33:28.000 That's not the sticker on The Office. 1.00

01:33:29.000 What are you laughing at, you fuck? 1.00

01:33:31.000 It's tight. 1.00

01:33:32.000 How dare you?

01:33:33.000 It's nice.

01:33:34.000 That's a Palo Santo.

01:33:35.000 What is that?

01:33:36.000 It's a piece of wood.

01:33:36.000 You light it and it clears the air from all the bad spirits.

01:33:40.000 Oh, it smells good.

01:33:41.000 Oh, it smells great.

01:33:42.000 They would burn piles of it.

01:33:44.000 It's a wood, right?

01:33:44.000 Palo Santo, yeah.

01:33:46.000 They dry it out.

01:33:46.000 It's everywhere in Ecuador.

01:33:47.000 It almost smells like a soap.

01:33:50.000 They make soap out of it sometimes.

01:33:53.000 It smells great, right?

01:33:53.000 So should we clear the air?

01:33:54.000 Yeah, absolutely.

01:33:55.000 Because Shane was here yesterday, I'm sure.

01:33:56.000 Yeah, let's clear the air. 0.99

01:33:57.000 Dude, that guy kept fucking... 1.00

01:34:00.000 We're staying at Shane. 1.00

01:34:01.000 We stayed at Tim's, but he kept fucking sneaking up behind me and staring at my dick. 1.00

01:34:05.000 Whoa. 1.00

01:34:06.000 How weird would you be showing it to us?

01:34:07.000 I was pissing and he swam underwater all the way across the pool.

01:34:10.000 That's not what he said. 0.99

01:34:10.000 I just popped up to look at my cock. 0.99

01:34:12.000 That's not what he said. 0.99

01:34:13.000 He said that he said, I bet I can swim underneath this pool and hold my breath.

01:34:17.000 And you said, I bet you can't.

01:34:19.000 And then he did it. 1.00

01:34:20.000 And on the other end, you were waiting with your cock out. 1.00

01:34:22.000 No, no, no, no. 1.00

01:34:23.000 He said he could do that.

01:34:24.000 And then later I was pissing and he swam under the water.

01:34:27.000 That wasn't then.

01:34:28.000 Wow, he lied.

01:34:29.000 He did tweet it. 1.00

01:34:30.000 Ari Shafir is hot and his dick is delicious. 1.00

01:34:32.000 For real, I sucked it good. 1.00

01:34:34.000 That's from Shane M. Gillis? 0.99

01:34:36.000 Imagine.

01:34:37.000 It says, you never give your phone to Ari. 0.94

01:34:39.000 Please know this.

01:34:40.000 Oh yeah, I gave my phone to Ari last night.

01:34:42.000 And he typed to Maynard.

01:34:45.000 What did I say to Maynard?

01:34:46.000 Oh, the lead singer of Tool.

01:34:48.000 Yes, my natural wine. 0.99

01:34:49.000 I asked him a question about natural wine, and then I gave him the phone to see Maynard's response, because Maynard wakes wines, and I get the phone back, and Ari had sent to Maynard, I suck cock. 0.99

01:35:01.000 You just gotta go fast on these things. 0.99

01:35:03.000 Yes.

01:35:03.000 You just gotta go really fast.

01:35:05.000 Very quick. 0.99

01:35:06.000 But yeah, I mean, you're giving me an opportunity to fucking tell the lead singer of Tool who you really are. 0.98

01:35:13.000 He's also a winemaker. 0.98

01:35:15.000 Don't try to limit him.

01:35:16.000 What?

01:35:16.000 Don't limit him.

01:35:17.000 That's right.

01:35:17.000 This is a tight fanny pack.

01:35:18.000 This is very nice.

01:35:19.000 Do you like it?

01:35:19.000 I like it.

01:35:20.000 It's very soft.

01:35:21.000 Yeah.

01:35:21.000 I'm going to bring it with me everywhere I go.

01:35:23.000 Thanks.

01:35:23.000 I'm glad you like it.

01:35:24.000 I was thinking about you out there.

01:35:25.000 I think it's also even more disgusting than the one I have currently, so my wife will hate it more.

01:35:30.000 So there's a win there. 0.96

01:35:31.000 Sometimes chicks like Indian stuff, though. 0.75

01:35:34.000 Native, well, not America. 0.98

01:35:35.000 This is like more South America than it is India. 0.99

01:35:38.000 But I guess if you didn't know, you could say this could be like Navajo or some shit or Pawnee. 0.99

01:35:44.000 Yeah, could be. 0.99

01:35:48.000 I like it.

01:35:48.000 Thank you very much.

01:35:49.000 You're welcome, dude.

01:35:49.000 Appreciate it.

01:35:50.000 You still don't wear fanny packs.

01:35:52.000 I will not know.

01:35:53.000 Interesting.

01:35:54.000 You seem to not care about fashion.

01:35:58.000 I see what you're getting at.

01:36:00.000 Is it an obvious move what you're doing?

01:36:02.000 But you dress in a way that no one would dress if they cared about fashion. 1.00

01:36:07.000 You're retarded. 1.00

01:36:08.000 That's a retarded thing to say. 1.00

01:36:09.000 Look at the shirt you're wearing. 0.87

01:36:10.000 It's awesome.

01:36:11.000 Is it?

01:36:11.000 Yeah.

01:36:12.000 Okay.

01:36:12.000 It screams of class and culture.

01:36:15.000 It's like a puppet that sells records.

01:36:16.000 No, it's not.

01:36:17.000 It's a record store.

01:36:18.000 Look at me.

01:36:18.000 I sell records.

01:36:18.000 No, no.

01:36:19.000 It's a record store, dude.

01:36:20.000 Look at me.

01:36:20.000 The record store with a puppet.

01:36:21.000 It's class.

01:36:22.000 It's culture.

01:36:23.000 It's coolness. 1.00

01:36:23.000 You're crazy. 1.00

01:36:24.000 I'm sorry. 1.00

01:36:25.000 I'm wearing a fucking free MMA shirt. 1.00

01:36:27.000 Fucking dork. 1.00

01:36:29.000 If I'm a hundred million dollars, you wear free shirts, you idiot. 1.00

01:36:33.000 I don't wear them anymore. 1.00

01:36:39.000 This is a Cam Haines shirt.

01:36:41.000 Really?

01:36:41.000 How much do you pay for it?

01:36:42.000 Free.

01:36:43.000 That's right!

01:36:44.000 He's my friend.

01:36:45.000 I heard some American stereotypes.

01:36:47.000 It's sad, and then you shoot a bow and arrow, and then you get happy.

01:36:50.000 It's a real clear message.

01:36:51.000 That's nice.

01:36:52.000 It's a nice message.

01:36:52.000 I have been hearing some American stereotypes, my Scottish friend and some Ecuadorian friends, and they make me go like, oh no.

01:36:59.000 So we can't see it.

01:37:00.000 We're in the forest.

01:37:01.000 You can't see the trees.

01:37:03.000 Number one.

01:37:04.000 Yes.

01:37:05.000 Americans like to wear free bank t-shirts.

01:37:09.000 Free bank t-shirts?

01:37:11.000 MBNA. No other country will you promote a bank just because they gave you a free shirt.

01:37:16.000 Start looking around.

01:37:17.000 You'll see it.

01:37:18.000 Here's another one.

01:37:20.000 Americans love to comment on the beauty of a sunset while you're watching it.

01:37:24.000 Nobody else does that.

01:37:25.000 Everyone's watching it.

01:37:26.000 Man, it's beautiful.

01:37:27.000 And then they go, yeah, we know, dude. 0.99

01:37:30.000 Americans, shut up and enjoy it. 1.00

01:37:33.000 Here's the last one. 0.99

01:37:34.000 Americans rush in to assist in a situation that they have no experience with.

01:37:38.000 They'll see a bird hurt on the beach.

01:37:40.000 I'm like, get it in a box!

01:37:42.000 We have to take it!

01:37:43.000 And it's like, do you know anything about this?

01:37:45.000 Like sort of how Burt moved Tom's arm when he broke it.

01:37:49.000 Yeah, absolutely.

01:37:50.000 He shouldn't have touched it.

01:37:51.000 Did he really?

01:37:52.000 He was like, let me move it.

01:37:52.000 Yeah, he picked it up and put it over there.

01:37:54.000 Probably fucked it up for life. 1.00

01:37:55.000 Oh, jelly legs. 0.99

01:37:57.000 Jelly legs to Segura.

01:37:59.000 Dude, it didn't even make sense.

01:38:01.000 He just came down.

01:38:02.000 He didn't even like...

01:38:04.000 It wasn't like...

01:38:04.000 You see NBA players.

01:38:05.000 They come down.

01:38:06.000 Yeah.

01:38:07.000 Like Conor McGregor stepped wrong, you see it snap.

01:38:10.000 No, that's not what happened.

01:38:11.000 Whatever.

01:38:13.000 Segura starts to jump, and then it was like he's cursed by a witch, and it just went jelly.

01:38:20.000 There was no impact.

01:38:21.000 No, he blew out his patella tendon.

01:38:24.000 He blew out everything!

01:38:25.000 Everything.

01:38:26.000 What is that?

01:38:27.000 His arm broke when he landed on his arm.

01:38:29.000 And the legs, everything broke.

01:38:31.000 Yeah. 0.97

01:38:33.000 Well what happened was, apparently he thinks he fucked it up the day before because he was jumping in his office. 0.95

01:38:39.000 They were trying to touch the ceiling in the office. 0.90

01:38:42.000 Like this ceiling.

01:38:43.000 Trying to touch the ceiling.

01:38:44.000 And he felt something weird in his knee.

01:38:46.000 But he didn't think too much of it.

01:38:48.000 And then the next day, they were playing basketball.

01:38:50.000 They were doing this dunk contest.

01:38:52.000 And he dunked a couple of times.

01:38:55.000 On a lower rim.

01:38:56.000 And then one time he really loaded up and his patella tendon just blew out.

01:39:01.000 So on the leap up, his leg just blew apart.

01:39:04.000 It gave way.

01:39:04.000 Blew apart.

01:39:05.000 Wow.

01:39:06.000 Yeah, his knee just went like this.

01:39:07.000 It's so crazy looking.

01:39:09.000 Yeah, it's wild.

01:39:09.000 He doesn't...

01:39:10.000 Yeah, it's always on the come down.

01:39:12.000 He went on the way up.

01:39:14.000 I heard a doctor say...

01:39:16.000 Is that him?

01:39:18.000 Oh my god, that's hilarious.

01:39:22.000 That's great. 0.99

01:39:23.000 Of course he's making fucking merch on it. 0.99

01:39:26.000 Nobody cashes in more than Tom. 0.99

01:39:28.000 Hilarious.

01:39:29.000 I heard a doctor once a long time ago say in your 40s is when you do explosive movements and you don't have explosive strength.

01:39:38.000 And that's where you get in trouble.

01:39:40.000 Still trying to make ski jumps.

01:39:42.000 You should have stopped at 31. But at 60, you're not trying to make those jumps anymore.

01:39:48.000 That's That makes sense.

01:39:49.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:39:49.000 Or you just keep lifting weights and don't be a pussy. 1.00

01:39:52.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:39:52.000 You're an outlier. 1.00

01:39:54.000 Yeah.

01:39:55.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:39:56.000 You just gotta know what your body's capable of doing, and the only way you know is to make it do a lot of shit. 0.98

01:40:01.000 So you know what it could do all the time. 0.98

01:40:03.000 Most people just stop.

01:40:04.000 That's what happens.

01:40:05.000 Completely, yeah.

01:40:05.000 It's the grind.

01:40:07.000 It's all about the grind.

01:40:08.000 Like, most people, like, they get to a point that, I don't want to lift any more weights.

01:40:10.000 I'm just gonna get on this elliptical machine, listen to a book on tape.

01:40:13.000 Just go Buster Douglas.

01:40:14.000 Yeah.

01:40:14.000 Just be like...

01:40:15.000 Fatten up.

01:40:15.000 Just fatten up.

01:40:16.000 Lay back.

01:40:18.000 That happens to a lot of fighters.

01:40:19.000 Ricky Hatton got huge.

01:40:21.000 Really?

01:40:21.000 Oh my god, he got huge.

01:40:22.000 He might have lost weight now, but he got real big.

01:40:25.000 A lot of guys get real big when they just don't want to do anything anymore.

01:40:30.000 I get it.

01:40:31.000 They don't want to be...

01:40:31.000 I get it.

01:40:32.000 And you form a habit of that, and you just stay in it.

01:40:35.000 Let me ask you a question somebody asked me that I really like.

01:40:37.000 Okay.

01:40:38.000 Because everybody's like, what was me?

01:40:40.000 They start complaining about...

01:40:41.000 There's so many things to complain about.

01:40:43.000 COVID, cancel, whatever.

01:40:44.000 And it's like...

01:40:46.000 And then when that conversation starts, how do you end that in normal conversation? 0.88

01:40:49.000 Not in a podcast, but in normal conversation, where it's going to politics, the most boring fucking subject, or race, or something, where you're like, oh, this is just gonna go... 0.83

01:40:58.000 Especially with some people. 0.81

01:40:59.000 Yeah.

01:40:59.000 They don't have an interesting perspective.

01:41:01.000 Absolutely.

01:41:01.000 What's the point of this?

01:41:02.000 You agree with the people you agree with, it's dumb. 1.00

01:41:05.000 It's classless and dumb. 0.99

01:41:06.000 But for real, not the way I make fun of you, but for real, it's classless. 0.99

01:41:10.000 Stop.

01:41:10.000 Right, right, right.

01:41:12.000 So, what makes you hopeful?

01:41:14.000 That's what you ask people.

01:41:16.000 I think there's a trend in civilization period where people are trying to be nicer. 0.99

01:41:21.000 And I think one of the things that's going on with cancel culture that actually gives me hope is they're canceling people because they're saying those people are assholes. 0.90

01:41:29.000 Like all of it is catching people doing something that they shouldn't be doing. 0.98

01:41:34.000 Now, the bad part about it is that a lot of the people that are doing it are really fucked up people, and they're not compassionate, and they're not kind, and they're not forgiving. 0.97

01:41:44.000 They're going against what Martin Luther King said. 0.98

01:41:45.000 You can't fight light with darkness.

01:41:48.000 You can't fight darkness with darkness, only with light.

01:41:50.000 And they're, nah, fight it with darkness. 0.99

01:41:52.000 There's a lot of fools who don't understand violence, and they don't understand conflict, and they're involved in a lot of this. 0.99

01:41:59.000 And also, they're doing it through this proxy. 0.99

01:42:01.000 You're doing it through social media, which is this really weird way to have conflict with people.

01:42:06.000 But then you see that conflict spill out into real world, like the Black Lives Matter protests, or the Antifa protests, or all these different...

01:42:14.000 You see real-world consequences for this kind of online rhetoric.

01:42:20.000 But overall, all of it, whether it's Black Lives Matter or whether it's even like the idea of Antifa, they're not trying to make the world a worse place.

01:42:30.000 I don't think they're right.

01:42:32.000 Their intention is...

01:42:32.000 Yes, their intention is to get rid of a corrupt society, to get rid of a corrupt government.

01:42:38.000 I don't think they're doing it the right way.

01:42:39.000 I don't think they're educated.

01:42:41.000 I don't think they're intelligent.

01:42:42.000 I don't think they're responsible. 0.97

01:42:43.000 I think what they're doing is nonsense.

01:42:44.000 They're the privates.

01:42:45.000 They shouldn't be choosing the war technique.

01:42:47.000 Right, right, right. 1.00

01:42:48.000 Well, a lot of them are grossly obese and fucking sloppy humans and shitty. 1.00

01:42:54.000 They've lived very undisciplined lives. 1.00

01:42:56.000 Then all of a sudden, they want to start telling people what to do.

01:42:58.000 Like, pull over!

01:42:59.000 We control these streets!

01:43:00.000 It's power.

01:43:01.000 Exactly.

01:43:02.000 It's a power.

01:43:03.000 It's a lot of what that is.

01:43:04.000 Yeah.

01:43:05.000 But the intention behind it is almost all to do better, to have society be better. 0.93

01:43:13.000 I think even those MAGA shitheads, I think even those dummies that stormed the Capitol, they thought they were going to make the world a better place. 0.97

01:43:19.000 They're not trying to make the world a worse place. 0.99

01:43:20.000 They thought in their head that the election was stolen and they were going to storm the Capitol in a show of force and somehow or another was going to turn around and Trump's going to be president again. 1.00

01:43:30.000 Because they're dumb. 1.00

01:43:31.000 Because they're a bunch of dumb dudes who live in their basement and they wear buffalo helmets on. 1.00

01:43:35.000 The thought behind that was like, hey, let's fucking take more of an active voice in our democracy. 1.00

01:43:40.000 Yes, but they're morons. 1.00

01:43:42.000 They're a bunch of QAnon dummies, and they're trying to make the world a better place. 1.00

01:43:46.000 But the trend...

01:43:48.000 What they're trying to do is all that. 0.98

01:43:50.000 When Hitler was trying to exterminate the Jews, there's not a fucking way you can spin that where he was trying to make the world a better place. 0.95

01:44:00.000 There's not a way you can spin that, where you're dehumanizing people to the point where you're turning the entire culture on one group of people that have a certain religious belief. 0.99

01:44:11.000 That's just pure evil.

01:44:13.000 You don't get that today.

01:44:14.000 What we're getting today is you think Some people are evil because of their ideology, their political ideology, or you think some people are foolish or short-sighted, but I think ultimately people are trying, they want- Pushing for the good. 0.99

01:44:28.000 Yeah, even the assholes that want to defund the police. 0.99

01:44:31.000 They think that the police are bad and they're causing problems, they want less problems, but they just don't know jack shit about law enforcement. 1.00

01:44:39.000 The guy that I was talking to, my friend who used to be a cop, was telling me about the guy strangling the guy. 0.96

01:44:44.000 Talk to that guy. 0.98

01:44:45.000 Talk to an actual cop and let him tell you all the crazy shit that they've seen. 1.00

01:44:50.000 All the kids that they've seen that got shot. 1.00

01:44:53.000 All the wild shit that they've seen. 1.00

01:44:55.000 Talk to them. 1.00

01:44:56.000 Then you get an understanding of what it means to be a police officer.

01:45:00.000 Actually, like what you said, talk to them. 1.00

01:45:02.000 Like, hey, what can we do to make it better or to rule out the fucking shitty ones? 0.99

01:45:07.000 I don't know, but it's like that John Lennon song. 0.98

01:45:09.000 If you're talking about destruction, then like, I forget the lyrics, but then no, then I'm not interested.

01:45:14.000 You can count me out.

01:45:15.000 Yeah, you can count me out.

01:45:17.000 But if you want to make it better, if you want to go give food to the homeless bank or something, then I'll go with you.

01:45:22.000 Yes, yes.

01:45:23.000 They're just the wrong technique.

01:45:24.000 But I get what you're saying, so that's what makes you hopeful?

01:45:26.000 Yeah, that makes me hopeful. 0.90

01:45:28.000 I think the tactics are incorrect and a lot of people are misled because they're trying to do things and they're trying to do things in this weird age of social media, in this weird age of these collective groups where people get together and they try to share a mindset and a philosophy and a lot of times it's dumb.

01:45:48.000 You know, a lot of times they're trying to rehash shit that's already been tried out in other countries like Marxism or socialism. 0.84

01:45:53.000 They're vengeful. 0.98

01:45:54.000 Yeah, there's a lot of that too.

01:45:55.000 And there's a lot of nerd rage.

01:45:57.000 There's a lot of people that were...

01:45:58.000 One of the things that we were talking about yesterday was Shane.

01:46:00.000 We were talking about a lot of people that attack people online.

01:46:03.000 These people were really abused when they were young. 0.98

01:46:06.000 A lot of these people, they're abused by either their family, they're abused by bullies at school, or they're abused by relationships they had, whatever the fuck it is. 0.94

01:46:16.000 They have this anger in them and they want to take it out on other people. 0.85

01:46:19.000 And so there's sort of this exaggerated rage that's not necessarily indicative of what is actually going on.

01:46:27.000 It's like a gamer rage.

01:46:29.000 It's like, are you guys even... 1.00

01:46:31.000 You know how they're like, I hope you get AIDS and your mom dies in front of you? 1.00

01:46:34.000 Right, right, right. 0.98

01:46:34.000 And then the regular people caught on with that? 0.98

01:46:37.000 And it was like...

01:46:39.000 Guys, you're not really...

01:46:40.000 Right, the gamer chats, when they say things in the chats.

01:46:43.000 It was like fun to say.

01:46:44.000 I think all these e-rages are just like a couple people talking and then far, far more, like a hundred, two hundred, two thousand times that people weighing in on what the small, small amount of people actually...

01:46:55.000 No one's actually that upset about Aunt Jemima. 0.95

01:46:58.000 There's also a lot of cowards out there. 1.00

01:47:03.000 A lot of cowards. 1.00

01:47:04.000 And those cowards are the ones that virtue signal. 0.99

01:47:06.000 Because they want to make sure that they're on the right side of your rage. 0.98

01:47:10.000 They want to be with you while you attack other people.

01:47:13.000 And then when it turns on them, it's horrific. 1.00

01:47:17.000 Like this Christy Teigen shit. 1.00

01:47:18.000 When you see it turn on her, it's horrific. 1.00

01:47:21.000 The whole Bon Appetit thing was my favorite of all the cancellations.

01:47:25.000 What's Bon Appetit?

01:47:29.000 Bon Appetit is an online, not an online, a magazine for food.

01:47:33.000 Right.

01:47:34.000 Oh, dude.

01:47:35.000 What is the Bon Appetit thing?

01:47:36.000 What are you saying?

01:47:37.000 It's so much happened with the...

01:47:38.000 Tell me.

01:47:39.000 I don't know.

01:47:40.000 Do you know?

01:47:40.000 Jamie, do you know?

01:47:42.000 Don't you have a beer to get us?

01:47:44.000 No, I'm sorry.

01:47:46.000 I will delete this whole thing.

01:47:50.000 Sorry, Rory.

01:47:50.000 I lost it.

01:47:52.000 Good luck promoting your dumb shit. 1.00

01:47:56.000 So, Bon Appetit... 1.00

01:47:58.000 It was a culture...

01:48:01.000 What's it called?

01:48:01.000 It's a website, right?

01:48:02.000 Yeah, but it was a...

01:48:04.000 Magazine.

01:48:05.000 No, no.

01:48:05.000 What are those things we used to grow that in science class?

01:48:08.000 A culture?

01:48:09.000 Petri dish?

01:48:09.000 Yeah, Petri dish for anger and canceling.

01:48:14.000 That's where it all been.

01:48:15.000 Oh, and Appetit was?

01:48:15.000 Yeah.

01:48:16.000 So, Alison Roman was there, and then she was at... 1.00

01:48:20.000 I don't know who that is. 0.90

01:48:22.000 Austin Rome was a chef who was being sassy and was shitting on a couple other chefs. 0.94

01:48:28.000 Was like, oh, this chef doesn't even know what she's doing. 1.00

01:48:30.000 She's a fucking model. 1.00

01:48:31.000 One of them was Chrissy Teigen. 1.00

01:48:32.000 She's a model. 1.00

01:48:33.000 What the fuck does she know? 1.00

01:48:34.000 Another chef was like, uh... 1.00

01:48:38.000 Dude, this is so fun.

01:48:39.000 This is off-air and stuff, but this is so fun.

01:48:41.000 Another chef was somebody who talks about, like, minimalization.

01:48:44.000 And then, oh, but she has a book line, so you're supposed to order stuff.

01:48:47.000 She's being sassy.

01:48:48.000 Okay.

01:48:49.000 We've all kind of been that. 0.99

01:48:50.000 I don't give a fuck. 0.99

01:48:50.000 Yeah, we've all been sassy. 0.99

01:48:52.000 Interview comes out, it's like, just so you know, both those chefs you were talking about were Asian.

01:48:56.000 She was like, what?

01:48:57.000 She's like, they're both Asian. 0.99

01:49:00.000 And I'm like, no, I was shitting on them for the chef stuff. 0.99

01:49:03.000 She's like, but they're both Asian, so we're going to write this up as your anti-Asian. 0.99

01:49:06.000 Whoa! 0.71

01:49:08.000 Spins, spins, spins.

01:49:10.000 You know how it is.

01:49:10.000 Spins, spins.

01:49:11.000 Suddenly she's like, oh, I have to grow as a person, all that shit. 0.99

01:49:14.000 Whatever. 0.99

01:49:14.000 The guy who ran Bon Appetit, the editor-in-chief. 0.99

01:49:19.000 15 years earlier, went to a cholo party in LA. I don't know if you've ever been to one of those. 1.00

01:49:23.000 Oh yeah, all the time.

01:49:25.000 What?

01:49:25.000 There you go.

01:49:26.000 No.

01:49:26.000 You know what that is?

01:49:27.000 What is this?

01:49:27.000 Oh, wait a minute.

01:49:28.000 That's brownface, dude. 1.00

01:49:29.000 That's brownface. 1.00

01:49:32.000 So he went into his office.

01:49:33.000 He went into the office. 0.97

01:49:34.000 The editor-in-chief, who turned the fucking magazine around and made it successful, and he goes, Hey, listen, I'm sorry about all that. 0.97

01:49:40.000 You don't have to read it. 0.99

01:49:40.000 I know the story. 0.99

01:49:41.000 I'm sorry about all that.

01:49:43.000 I'll try to be better, and I'm going to try to maximize the voices of the minorities.

01:49:47.000 Hold, please.

01:49:48.000 Let me read his exact quote.

01:49:49.000 Bring that back.

01:49:49.000 Because this is one of my favorite.

01:49:51.000 People apologize.

01:49:52.000 You know it's not their actual voice.

01:49:54.000 I spent my career celebrating black Latinx.

01:49:57.000 As soon as you say Latinx.

01:49:58.000 That's not how you say it.

01:49:59.000 I'm done with you.

01:50:01.000 Because Latinos don't want to have anything to do with that. 1.00

01:50:04.000 Latinas don't want anything to do with that either. 1.00

01:50:05.000 The language doesn't allow it.

01:50:06.000 Right.

01:50:07.000 White people. 0.69

01:50:08.000 That's white people. 1.00

01:50:09.000 Dopey white people. 0.99

01:50:10.000 Latinx, indigenous, Asian, and POC. People of color. 0.99

01:50:14.000 Voices in food.

01:50:16.000 And this feels like an erasure of that work.

01:50:19.000 Oh, have you spent your entire career celebrating indigenous voices in food?

01:50:23.000 Imagine that.

01:50:24.000 That this feels like an erasure of that work because he was dressing like a Puerto Rican guy? 0.58

01:50:29.000 Yeah.

01:50:30.000 But let me go back to that thing.

01:50:31.000 Tell me that Luis Gomez wouldn't dress exactly like that.

01:50:34.000 Luis Gomez would find it funny.

01:50:35.000 No, exactly.

01:50:35.000 It's dead on.

01:50:36.000 It's dead on.

01:50:36.000 It's a costume party.

01:50:37.000 And by the way, they found it on his Instagram, which means it wasn't a weird thing.

01:50:43.000 He wasn't hiding it.

01:50:43.000 Brown face, they called it.

01:50:44.000 And he goes, hey guys, sorry about that.

01:50:46.000 I know this came up.

01:50:46.000 How is that brown face?

01:50:47.000 That's a guy with a tank top on. 1.00

01:50:49.000 It's obviously dumb. 0.99

01:50:49.000 He doesn't even have something on his face. 0.99

01:50:50.000 I know.

01:50:51.000 I know.

01:50:52.000 How do you call it brown face?

01:50:53.000 Talk to San Francisco.

01:50:54.000 They invent all these words.

01:50:55.000 Oh, San Francisco.

01:50:56.000 Yeah.

01:50:56.000 So he goes to his staff, says, hey guys, sorry about that.

01:50:59.000 Let me show this thing.

01:51:00.000 Whatever.

01:51:00.000 We'll move on.

01:51:01.000 But I'll try to be better.

01:51:02.000 Whatever.

01:51:03.000 Two of the lower level people go, that's not good enough.

01:51:06.000 We want your job.

01:51:07.000 You need to resign.

01:51:08.000 Two lower level people.

01:51:08.000 It's always lower level people.

01:51:09.000 Of course.

01:51:10.000 26 year olds.

01:51:10.000 Because they want your job.

01:51:11.000 Everyone else is frozen. 1.00

01:51:13.000 Going like, how do we say, you need to shut the fuck up. 0.99

01:51:16.000 This is the editor who turned our business around. 0.99

01:51:19.000 Then they start uncovering other stuff.

01:51:21.000 He didn't promote POCs enough.

01:51:23.000 And then it starts going, whatever.

01:51:25.000 Then they start doing the daily...

01:51:28.000 Report on Bon Appetit.

01:51:29.000 Now you see their promo. 1.00

01:51:31.000 It's all like gays, blacks. 1.00

01:51:33.000 It's all that. 0.99

01:51:34.000 It's all rainbow stuff. 0.99

01:51:35.000 And then all the fucking women who were reading it were like, what's my recipe? 1.00

01:51:38.000 I want some fusion food. 0.99

01:51:39.000 They're like, I don't want to fucking make chitlins. 1.00

01:51:41.000 Like, fucking come on. 0.99

01:51:43.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:51:43.000 And so then everyone's like, well, where were you? 0.99

01:51:45.000 So these gays are getting elevated into the editor. 1.00

01:51:48.000 And then somebody else is like, as a Vietnamese adoptee in America, I feel like you marginalized my voice, you fucking gay. 1.00

01:51:57.000 Because all it is, is if I don't take your story, you've marginalized me. 1.00

01:52:01.000 And so it's just attack, attack, attack, attack, attack. 0.93

01:52:04.000 And you have Alison Roman, who's fucking done, can't work in the New York Times anymore, living in northern New York, can't live in New York City anymore. 1.00

01:52:10.000 And then her accuser, Chrissy Teigen, who fucking says, kill yourself to a statutory rape victim. 1.00

01:52:16.000 There's none of that thing where it's like, if you kill the head vampire, you get off. 1.00

01:52:20.000 Right. 0.99

01:52:20.000 So she's fucking out, but whoever she accused is also out. 0.99

01:52:24.000 But is Chrissy Teigen Asian? 0.99

01:52:26.000 Slightly.

01:52:27.000 Really?

01:52:27.000 Yeah.

01:52:28.000 What kind?

01:52:29.000 I don't know.

01:52:29.000 Are you allowed to say what kind?

01:52:32.000 She has strong features.

01:52:34.000 To all the Spotify employees, I don't stand by Joe Rogan's comments in any way.

01:52:38.000 I would like to say that I still listen to Spotify and please do not delete my account.

01:52:41.000 I have playlists on there that I want to get to.

01:52:44.000 To all the Spotify employees, I say go through the rap catalog.

01:52:47.000 Music that I actually enjoy that celebrates murder and violence.

01:52:51.000 And also take them down. 0.99

01:52:52.000 And go to that before you start talking about people who are comedians who are just talking shit. 0.99

01:52:59.000 It's all so fun. 0.99

01:52:59.000 So she's part Asian. 0.99

01:53:01.000 Yeah.

01:53:02.000 Thai! 0.84

01:53:03.000 Okay, that makes sense.

01:53:03.000 She's got kind of a beautiful Thai face.

01:53:05.000 Nobody hates Thai people.

01:53:06.000 Nobody.

01:53:07.000 Well, they made the best kickboxing style ever.

01:53:11.000 Ask Hannibal Buress. 0.99

01:53:12.000 He's a fucking sweet-ass kickboxer. 0.98

01:53:14.000 Yeah, I was telling Ari that, uh, I don't know if I've ever told this on the podcast, I ran into Hannibal in Thailand a few years back. 0.99

01:53:20.000 I was there with my family, we went to Chiang Mai, and we just decided to go, you gonna piss in that?

01:53:25.000 I am. 0.73

01:53:26.000 Ari's gonna piss in his water jug. 1.00

01:53:28.000 I'm trying to make my modal water bottle.

01:53:30.000 What are you doing?

01:53:30.000 I'm not even putting the camera up.

01:53:32.000 Okay, keep the camera on me.

01:53:34.000 He's telling a story about Hannibal.

01:53:35.000 I don't know if you understand this, Ari.

01:53:36.000 He's talking about Hannibal.

01:53:37.000 This is no longer the show that I used to have where back in the day when I was just doing it in my house and we were on a couch in my spare bedroom.

01:53:47.000 Oh, yeah. 0.99

01:53:48.000 You could just pull your cock out. 1.00

01:53:49.000 Sitting on the floor below you. 1.00

01:53:50.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:53:51.000 Floor below me?

01:53:51.000 We were all on the couch together.

01:53:52.000 Yeah, because we had to crouch in.

01:53:55.000 We had to crouch in.

01:53:56.000 So it was like one on the couch, two below.

01:53:59.000 Oh, that one time.

01:54:00.000 Yeah, that's right.

01:54:02.000 Early, early, early time.

01:54:03.000 We didn't have enough room on the couch.

01:54:04.000 That's right.

01:54:05.000 Because there was a laptop.

01:54:07.000 Joe, look away. 1.00

01:54:07.000 Yeah, I'm looking at your cock. 1.00

01:54:09.000 I've seen your cock a hundred times. 1.00

01:54:11.000 Anyway, in those days, Ari, it was okay for you to just pull your dick out and pee on camera because no one was watching. 1.00

01:54:17.000 But now, millions of people are watching and yet you think it's okay to just fucking piss. 1.00

01:54:24.000 You think that's cool? 1.00

01:54:25.000 It's a bodily function.

01:54:26.000 It's wrong.

01:54:27.000 You're peeing on my show.

01:54:29.000 It's rude.

01:54:30.000 Would you do that on the Jimmy Kimmel show?

01:54:32.000 You farted too?

01:54:32.000 Would you do that on the Jimmy Kimmel show?

01:54:34.000 I wouldn't.

01:54:34.000 I wouldn't do it on Corolla.

01:54:35.000 I wouldn't do it on Legion of Skanks.

01:54:37.000 Only you.

01:54:37.000 How come you don't like me?

01:54:38.000 Because of lack of respect.

01:54:40.000 You have no respect for me.

01:54:41.000 I don't.

01:54:41.000 So we talked about it on the podcast.

01:54:43.000 Yeah.

01:54:43.000 Okay.

01:54:43.000 We did talk about it.

01:54:44.000 So Hannibal moved to Thailand for a while.

01:54:47.000 More than a month, I believe.

01:54:48.000 That's nuts.

01:54:50.000 And he just decided he needed to stop drinking and wanted to lose weight and didn't know anybody out there and he just started doing Muay Thai.

01:54:56.000 And this is right after he canceled Bill Cosby. 0.99

01:55:00.000 Hey, look at the cock. 1.00

01:55:01.000 Did you show it? 0.99

01:55:04.000 Don't let him get us in trouble.

01:55:06.000 We'll get in big trouble.

01:55:08.000 I've only gotten people taken down off YouTube. 0.98

01:55:10.000 I don't know if Spotify even gives a shit if you pull your hair out. 0.98

01:55:12.000 I don't know. 0.99

01:55:13.000 If anybody could do it, this show could do it.

01:55:16.000 Yeah, maybe.

01:55:17.000 You would be the... 1.00

01:55:18.000 Yeah, they spent a lot of money for this stupid fucking show. 1.00

01:55:21.000 Spotify. 1.00

01:55:21.000 Hey, no, no, no. 1.00

01:55:22.000 Appreciate the...

01:55:22.000 No, no, no, no.

01:55:24.000 Let's not test the waters.

01:55:27.000 A lot of people are already mad because of what you said about Vietnamese influencers or whatever.

01:55:32.000 I said nobody hates Thai people.

01:55:34.000 Don't spit my words.

01:55:36.000 Someone says, I'm a Vietnamese refugee, you've rejected my work and you're minimalizing my contribution.

01:55:41.000 Once you hear somebody say, as a, you're like, nah, not interested.

01:55:44.000 Identity politics is toxic.

01:55:46.000 I love it.

01:55:46.000 It's just toxic.

01:55:46.000 People are just...

01:55:47.000 Do it?

01:55:48.000 No, no, no.

01:55:49.000 People are just people. 0.99

01:55:50.000 I love the chance I had, finally, when Nick Cannon was like, ah, Jews made up the fucking Mount Sinai or whatever the fuck he said. 0.99

01:55:56.000 What did he say? 0.99

01:55:57.000 I don't even...

01:55:58.000 I remember barely...

01:55:59.000 Wasn't he talking to Professor Griff from Public Enemy?

01:56:01.000 Something like that.

01:56:02.000 He's a professor.

01:56:03.000 Who is he?

01:56:04.000 You have to like the academics.

01:56:06.000 Eddie Bravo had Professor Griff on his podcast way back in the day.

01:56:09.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:56:10.000 He had a good time with him.

01:56:11.000 It was finally my opportunity because they were like, of course you'd say this because of this.

01:56:14.000 It was finally my opportunity.

01:56:15.000 He goes, guys, I'm a Jew.

01:56:17.000 He's attacking Jews for the first time. 1.00

01:56:20.000 Let him say whatever the fuck he wants to say. 1.00

01:56:22.000 He might have some good points. 0.99

01:56:23.000 He might not. 0.99

01:56:24.000 Who gives a fuck? 1.00

01:56:25.000 Don't fire that guy over fucking whatever the fuck he wants to say. 1.00

01:56:28.000 It's not on America's Got Talent. 1.00

01:56:30.000 He's not like somebody's not juggling.

01:56:31.000 Everyone's like, that was amazing.

01:56:32.000 What do you think?

01:56:33.000 Nick Cannon's like, oh, oh.

01:56:35.000 Only 2,000 people died in the Holocaust.

01:56:37.000 Is that what he said?

01:56:38.000 No! 0.99

01:56:39.000 But if he did it on the fucking America's Got Talent, you'd be like, hey, dude, retake, reshoot. 0.99

01:56:43.000 Yeah, cut that part out. 1.00

01:56:44.000 Any other normal time, say what the fuck you want! 0.99

01:56:46.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:56:47.000 I hate this fucking world. 1.00

01:56:48.000 Did they fire him? 1.00

01:56:49.000 I don't know.

01:56:50.000 They stopped wiling out for a while and they started up again. 0.94

01:56:52.000 Some shit happened and then I think some things have been worked out. 0.83

01:56:56.000 You know why? 0.99

01:56:57.000 Everybody defend him on Wild and Out.

01:56:58.000 They're like, we're not going to really work without him. 1.00

01:57:00.000 And they go, ah, fuck. 1.00

01:57:01.000 Alright, bring him back. 1.00

01:57:01.000 What is Wild and Out? 1.00

01:57:02.000 What is that?

01:57:05.000 It's a show that's been on MTV for about 20 years.

01:57:09.000 Dude!

01:57:09.000 It's crazy.

01:57:10.000 It's fake rap.

01:57:11.000 Fake battle rap.

01:57:12.000 Fake.

01:57:13.000 Oh, yeah.

01:57:14.000 Is it fake?

01:57:16.000 Well, what is real then?

01:57:18.000 I mean, because it's not like...

01:57:19.000 Well, Battle Rap is real.

01:57:20.000 It's not improv.

01:57:21.000 It's not improv in the moment.

01:57:21.000 They pre-write it for them, but they're like, okay, I'll go back and forth.

01:57:24.000 You know how like 8 Mile?

01:57:25.000 They write it for each other?

01:57:26.000 They're writers.

01:57:27.000 Oh, they have writers.

01:57:28.000 Yeah, and the people come on there and like...

01:57:30.000 That is fake Battle Rap.

01:57:32.000 That's like fake stand-up.

01:57:33.000 That's like Tom Hanks in Punchline, right?

01:57:36.000 Somebody wrote that for him.

01:57:37.000 It's not a real comic.

01:57:39.000 In Punchline they wrote it for him?

01:57:40.000 Yeah.

01:57:41.000 The writers.

01:57:41.000 Yeah.

01:57:42.000 Do you ever see that movie?

01:57:44.000 Sally Fields and Tom Hanks?

01:57:45.000 Terrible.

01:57:47.000 Terrible.

01:57:47.000 They have lockers.

01:57:48.000 Yeah, that's what always got me.

01:57:50.000 Lockers in the comedy club.

01:57:52.000 That's why I can't watch movies about comedy because I'm like, you're going to get it wrong.

01:57:56.000 It's going to make me angrier than it should. 0.99

01:57:57.000 If comedy clubs had lockers, guys would steal the key and shit in your locker. 0.99

01:58:01.000 Yeah, look at this. 0.99

01:58:02.000 This is wild and out.

01:58:03.000 They're doing dances and improv skits.

01:58:05.000 Okay, and people are actually watching this.

01:58:07.000 They do dance a lot.

01:58:08.000 Is it popular?

01:58:09.000 Yeah.

01:58:09.000 Look how popular.

01:58:11.000 Everybody's having a good time.

01:58:12.000 It's on MTV. They don't show tons of shows, so...

01:58:15.000 Yeah, MTV doesn't have a lot of shows anymore, right?

01:58:18.000 What is MTV mostly these days? 0.86

01:58:20.000 Ridiculousness. 0.98

01:58:21.000 Ridiculousness. 0.98

01:58:22.000 Oh, that Rob Dreidek show? 0.98

01:58:23.000 Mm-hmm.

01:58:24.000 That's literally the whole network?

01:58:27.000 Yeah.

01:58:27.000 A lot of it.

01:58:28.000 It's a very popular thing, right?

01:58:29.000 Mm-hmm.

01:58:30.000 Yeah, they used to be great music, then they were interesting reality shows, and then they were just like...

01:58:36.000 So now it's not...

01:58:37.000 Do they have music videos at all anymore?

01:58:39.000 Probably like an hour a day.

01:58:41.000 On YouTube, for sure.

01:58:42.000 Really?

01:58:43.000 Oh, if you release a music video, you release it on YouTube.

01:58:45.000 Whatever happened to Yo!

01:58:46.000 MTV Raps?

01:58:48.000 It was marginalized.

01:58:49.000 I don't know, yeah.

01:58:50.000 It's a brand from the 80s now that they bring back I love her.

01:58:53.000 It looks cool.

01:58:54.000 Yeah, it does look cool on shirts.

01:58:56.000 If you see a Yo Up TV rap shirt.

01:58:57.000 Oh, it's a dope shirt.

01:58:58.000 80s has now made a massive comeback.

01:59:00.000 That's like a vintage Led Zeppelin shirt. 0.99

01:59:02.000 You look like a cool motherfucker with that. 0.98

01:59:03.000 One of my favorites is a weasel shirt from then. 0.99

01:59:06.000 From Pauly?

01:59:07.000 Yeah, from Pauly that he had from way back.

01:59:09.000 And it was like, with that wild 80s style.

01:59:11.000 Pauly's living in Vegas now.

01:59:13.000 I ran into him in Vegas.

01:59:14.000 Great.

01:59:14.000 He was backstage at the Chappelle shows I did.

01:59:17.000 Wow.

01:59:18.000 Yeah, Dave and I were doing the MGM and Paulie was there.

01:59:21.000 He lives there.

01:59:22.000 It was in Vegas.

01:59:23.000 The MGM was amazing.

01:59:24.000 It was so fun.

01:59:26.000 Segura did it too.

01:59:26.000 How was that Chappelle?

01:59:27.000 I heard.

01:59:28.000 Oh my god, we had so much fun.

01:59:29.000 It was so fun.

01:59:31.000 Everybody was so excited.

01:59:32.000 Where do you put the...

01:59:33.000 We did it once, but it was like a very small part of the MGM. Right.

01:59:37.000 This is bigger now with Chappelle.

01:59:38.000 Yes.

01:59:39.000 It's the whole MGM. When we did it, it was only like 4,000 or 5,000 people.

01:59:43.000 We pushed the stage right up to the audience and then went to there.

01:59:47.000 Bourdain came to see us there.

01:59:48.000 It was you, me, and Diaz.

01:59:49.000 How's he do it?

01:59:50.000 He's dead.

01:59:52.000 He's dead. 0.99

01:59:54.000 Killed himself.

01:59:56.000 You didn't know?

01:59:58.000 Legitimately?

01:59:59.000 I didn't know about Bon Appetit and you don't know about Anthony Bourdain. 0.98

02:00:03.000 Who the fuck is out of touch? 0.99

02:00:04.000 Wow. 1.00

02:00:05.000 I mean, I'm fucking with you, but like... 1.00

02:00:09.000 Yeah, it's just... 1.00

02:00:10.000 Wow.

02:00:11.000 Wow.

02:00:13.000 That's heavy, dude.

02:00:15.000 That's heavy.

02:00:17.000 That was one of the first times he came to see us do stand-up.

02:00:19.000 You asked me about depression after he killed himself on this podcast.

02:00:22.000 I remember.

02:00:23.000 I was going along with it, dude.

02:00:25.000 Oh, okay.

02:00:25.000 Jesus Christ.

02:00:26.000 You don't think I know that you know?

02:00:28.000 I've been doing this the whole show. 1.00

02:00:29.000 Damn it. 1.00

02:00:30.000 Damn it. 1.00

02:00:31.000 I mean, I don't know legitimately about the Bon Appetit thing. 0.99

02:00:33.000 I did not know about that.

02:00:34.000 It's so fun.

02:00:35.000 I gotta talk to you more about it.

02:00:36.000 Please do.

02:00:37.000 Keep going.

02:00:37.000 Let me tell you the legitimately most scary part.

02:00:40.000 So that shit that happens at Bon Appetit, this is important. 0.99

02:00:44.000 Yes. 1.00

02:00:44.000 That shit that happens at Bon Appetit, but we're too... 1.00

02:00:47.000 25-year-olds, whatever, can go, that's not good enough. 1.00

02:00:50.000 You need to quit. 0.98

02:00:51.000 And everyone's frozen because you can't be like, shut up.

02:00:53.000 So there's a guy that goes, oh, okay, I... I guess I'll step down.

02:00:59.000 So he quit himself?

02:01:00.000 He quit.

02:01:01.000 He had to step down.

02:01:02.000 Disgraced.

02:01:03.000 Did a great job before that.

02:01:04.000 Should've hung in there like Mario Cuomo.

02:01:06.000 See him?

02:01:07.000 Oh, that's right.

02:01:08.000 Going good.

02:01:08.000 No, that is what you should do.

02:01:09.000 Or Andre, what's his name?

02:01:10.000 For sure that's a technique.

02:01:11.000 Andrew Cuomo?

02:01:11.000 Andrew.

02:01:12.000 Him quitting is very high up in this long article, so there's a lot more to go.

02:01:16.000 Oh, there's so much, dude.

02:01:17.000 There's so much? 0.99

02:01:18.000 Oh, the fucking editor-in-chief resigned, too? 0.99

02:01:21.000 That was the guy in the picture. 1.00

02:01:22.000 Oh, that's him?

02:01:23.000 He looks good like that.

02:01:24.000 I think he shouldn't dress up like a Puerto Rican anymore. 1.00

02:01:27.000 I like his jacket.

02:01:28.000 Slick.

02:01:29.000 Handsome.

02:01:29.000 I like that stylish jacket with a V-neck t-shirt.

02:01:32.000 It's a good look.

02:01:33.000 That sort of thing also happens at, used to happen at Comedy Central, where you have the people working there go, hey, why don't you hire some more of this, more of that?

02:01:41.000 Of course.

02:01:41.000 And they're frozen because they can't go, hey, this comic, I don't even see this shit, is really, I had, I was supposed to have Reggie Conquist's comic open for me in Baltimore a couple weeks ago.

02:01:54.000 He's black. 0.99

02:01:55.000 It has nothing to do with it. 0.93

02:01:56.000 He couldn't come for the last week.

02:01:57.000 He thought I was driving him.

02:01:58.000 I was already down there. 1.00

02:02:00.000 And then he was like, oh, fuck. 0.99

02:02:01.000 So I was like, hey, I need an opener. 0.99

02:02:02.000 He goes, well, do you need a specific?

02:02:04.000 I go, stop right there.

02:02:05.000 Find me the best opener you have in town.

02:02:07.000 Whatever you're going to say, I know what you're going to say.

02:02:09.000 Stop.

02:02:10.000 Get me a great opener.

02:02:12.000 I'm not interested.

02:02:14.000 I bring Adrian Appaluccio with me a lot.

02:02:16.000 And if she can't come, does it have to be a girl? 0.65

02:02:19.000 I'm like, I'm not thinking of that when I'm booking her.

02:02:21.000 Stop.

02:02:22.000 Stop.

02:02:23.000 Anyway, that sort of thing.

02:02:24.000 So Comedy Central, the head-ups back then, couldn't go, well, we just have this great comic because everyone else is looking at them.

02:02:30.000 So they're frozen.

02:02:31.000 Everyone's frozen by the 25, 26-year-olds who start accusing you of stuff.

02:02:35.000 Right.

02:02:36.000 Now, who chooses how people think about the world?

02:02:39.000 The media in general, right?

02:02:41.000 Social media, the New York Times makes a lot of public thought.

02:02:45.000 Podcasts have an impact.

02:02:45.000 Yeah.

02:02:46.000 Podcasts for sure.

02:02:47.000 Now, they're a little more free because you don't have Jamie pressuring you, but you have social pressure.

02:02:51.000 No, this is a podcast.

02:02:51.000 Yeah.

02:02:52.000 You have social pressure of how to act, but it's not actually anyone on staff. 0.97

02:02:56.000 But that shit that happens at Comedy Central, the shit that happens at Bon Appetit, you also have that happening at the New York Times, which really legitimately does choose the way people think. 0.98

02:03:06.000 Yes. 0.99

02:03:07.000 So you have someone say, I want to run this story that says, this is what I found.

02:03:10.000 You have two 25, 26-year-olds who might go over your head on Slack.

02:03:16.000 Do you know what Slack is?

02:03:18.000 It's like a messaging service for just like work.

02:03:21.000 Go over your head to your boss, if you're their boss, and go, hey, he's doing something racially problematic or he's not hiring. 1.00

02:03:28.000 He's not sending our stories out because I'm a black person or because I'm an idiot. 1.00

02:03:32.000 Yeah, or I'm trans. 0.99

02:03:34.000 So now everyone at the New York Times has to cross-reference their stories with like, hey, you're a black reporter here.

02:03:41.000 Can you read this to make sure this is all okay? 0.96

02:03:43.000 And the black reporter's like, dude, I'm not fucking putting my name on that in case there's something you wrote wrong. 0.94

02:03:48.000 So they're all bending over backwards to make sure the 25-year-old is coddled, is okay. 0.98

02:03:54.000 And they're choosing how everyone thinks about the world.

02:03:58.000 So you'll see, even if they go a little bit more, let's say conservative leaning, or like, not even like, socially conservative leaning, they'll also finish it with, but you know, you also have to finish, you have to account for the other.

02:04:10.000 They can't just do that because they're afraid of those two girls. 0.99

02:04:14.000 They're afraid of them because they're running things. 1.00

02:04:16.000 We are fucked. 1.00

02:04:18.000 We are fucked as a society. 1.00

02:04:19.000 Or are they fucked? 1.00

02:04:20.000 Because I think we take over. 1.00

02:04:21.000 That's what I think. 0.98

02:04:22.000 I think rational people that are actual real human beings, they can have a conversation like we're having, where they're talking shit, but when we're serious, you can tell that we're being serious about these things. 0.90

02:04:32.000 Well, we're in the in-between time, where we're still, we're raised thinking New York Times is the truth, so we're still like trying to, uh, uh, uh, and then now it's slowly shifting. 0.89

02:04:41.000 We're in the in-between, we're still looking to a place that's no longer giving us the truth for the truth.

02:04:45.000 And then soon we'll be like, we're ignoring you completely.

02:04:47.000 I get it.

02:04:47.000 Clickbait.

02:04:48.000 That's fine.

02:04:48.000 Keep getting it.

02:04:49.000 We're going here for actual real thought.

02:04:51.000 That's why Abby Martin quit, right? 0.61

02:04:53.000 She's like, you're not letting me do this stuff.

02:04:54.000 My friend Jake Hanrahan, who's like, I don't believe in the war stuff.

02:04:57.000 Barry Weiss.

02:04:58.000 Barry Weiss quit New York Times because they were too woke. 1.00

02:05:00.000 I'd love to talk to her about that shit. 1.00

02:05:02.000 She would love to talk to you about it. 1.00

02:05:04.000 She'd talk to you about it.

02:05:05.000 Barry's awesome.

02:05:06.000 She's looking right at you.

02:05:08.000 He's also a Jew.

02:05:10.000 I do a podcast called, I would like to have you on it, about reporting in the problems at the New York Times.

02:05:15.000 I've already talked.

02:05:17.000 Tell her about your dad.

02:05:18.000 Holocaust survivor.

02:05:19.000 My dad survived the Holocaust and actually helped kill Hitler. 0.63

02:05:22.000 He was like, I'm not sure I want to do this.

02:05:25.000 And he's like, do it, dude. 0.99

02:05:26.000 It's just a fucking, it's a weight loss pill. 1.00

02:05:29.000 Just take it. 1.00

02:05:30.000 I don't think that part's true.

02:05:31.000 But Barry had to leave New York Times.

02:05:34.000 She just couldn't do it anymore.

02:05:36.000 Is she still in New York?

02:05:37.000 I think she's got a substack now. 0.99

02:05:39.000 They're all realizing that you can make a lot of money on your own.

02:05:41.000 But also what you can do is, if you're not driven by money, you can be artistically validated.

02:05:47.000 Yes.

02:05:47.000 But also, when you're at the New York Times for a certain amount of time, it validates you.

02:05:52.000 You've already got your name.

02:05:53.000 Yeah, and people realize there's a lot of people that are former New York Times authors, and that's a part of their resume.

02:05:59.000 You have used to write for New York Times.

02:05:59.000 My friend worked for South Park for two years, Brian Keith Edwards.

02:06:03.000 We did open mics together, great guy.

02:06:04.000 And then after two years, he asked his agent, I want to keep working there.

02:06:07.000 And they go, nah, dude, you're barely making any money.

02:06:10.000 That's a Comedy Central show.

02:06:12.000 Now you have that on your resume.

02:06:13.000 Three years or two years is the same.

02:06:15.000 Time to move.

02:06:16.000 Let's go make you 20 grand a week. 0.97

02:06:17.000 Yeah, all these networks are just so saddled down.

02:06:19.000 I mean, if they got involved in the podcasting world, how quickly would they fuck it up?

02:06:23.000 Like, imagine if Comedy Central started producing podcasts. 0.96

02:06:26.000 Like, what if Comedy Central came in, swooped in, and all the executives from Comedy Central that were fucking with your show are fucking with all these different shows. 0.86

02:06:35.000 What exactly was the fallout with you and them? 0.85

02:06:38.000 I'm forgetting now why you wound up leaving that show.

02:06:42.000 What was it?

02:06:46.000 Do you remember?

02:06:47.000 Yeah, no, I remember.

02:06:51.000 Before I start this, Ryan Moran was the only great person there.

02:06:55.000 He's still there.

02:06:56.000 He's a solid guy who always fought for me to say the real thing and be able to stop censorship as much as I can.

02:07:02.000 Everybody else there.

02:07:03.000 Kudos to you, sir.

02:07:04.000 They lost their mind when I saw my special on Netflix.

02:07:06.000 Oh, that's right.

02:07:07.000 That's right.

02:07:08.000 That's what it was.

02:07:08.000 You sold your special to Netflix instead of Comedy Central, and they were negotiating with you, as was Netflix, but Netflix paid a lot more money and it's a lot more exposure.

02:07:19.000 Netflix didn't pay a lot more money.

02:07:20.000 They didn't?

02:07:20.000 I made less than Netflix.

02:07:22.000 What are you, retarded? 1.00

02:07:24.000 There's more exposure? 1.00

02:07:25.000 I want my stuff being seen. 1.00

02:07:26.000 What the fuck's wrong with you? 0.99

02:07:29.000 Take the loot. 1.00

02:07:30.000 I wish I was there.

02:07:31.000 Also, it was a double special.

02:07:32.000 I wish I could go back and talk to you again.

02:07:34.000 You know what I was going to do?

02:07:35.000 Tell you to keep the job?

02:07:37.000 Keep the money?

02:07:38.000 You didn't.

02:07:38.000 You told me to walk away.

02:07:39.000 You gave me great advice.

02:07:42.000 You know what you said?

02:07:43.000 You know what Joe Rogan said?

02:07:43.000 He goes, I mean, I was crying on the phone with you.

02:07:46.000 Yeah, I remember that. 0.97

02:07:48.000 I was jerking off. 0.98

02:07:50.000 Oh. 0.99

02:07:50.000 When guys cry, I like to beat off. 0.99

02:07:52.000 Didn't change it completely, but it alters.

02:07:55.000 Like, my thoughts on it now.

02:07:57.000 I'm gonna process that.

02:07:58.000 But, yeah, they were like, you're gonna have to walk away.

02:08:01.000 They said, we're gonna put all these people out of work on two weeks' notice.

02:08:04.000 Good luck to having them pay their rent.

02:08:06.000 Oh, that's right, yeah.

02:08:07.000 And you go, well, I'll tell you what.

02:08:09.000 Why don't I host for you to keep going?

02:08:11.000 I'll do that for free.

02:08:12.000 He goes, don't pay me.

02:08:13.000 I'll do it for free.

02:08:16.000 Yeah, it was a tough time.

02:08:19.000 That's right.

02:08:19.000 I said I would step in for free to keep the show running so the people that work there got paid.

02:08:23.000 They said, we're contractually obligated to 10 episodes.

02:08:24.000 We're going to do 20 so we can get your schedule so you can actually think about your stand-up all the time and not be editing constantly.

02:08:29.000 Do 20 at once and then we're going to put them out of work in no time.

02:08:33.000 And then it was like...

02:08:34.000 And then they start going out to other people to host.

02:08:36.000 And this was all just because you wouldn't do your special at Comedy Central?

02:08:40.000 They were still in the place where they were thinking, like, we could compete with Netflix.

02:08:44.000 They weren't.

02:08:45.000 And we said, like, hey, more eyeballs will be on this not happening if I do a Netflix special.

02:08:49.000 And they said, these people are all fired now, but they said, like, what we see is we're adding more eyeballs to Netflix.

02:08:55.000 I was like...

02:08:57.000 I remember now.

02:08:58.000 I remember.

02:08:59.000 I completely forgot about it. 0.99

02:09:00.000 You know, I think the reason I forgot about it is it was so painfully stupid to me. 0.99

02:09:03.000 It was so... 1.00

02:09:04.000 That when things like that happen, I swear to God, dude, I have like a file that I put that kind of stupid shit and I just shut the door and I just keep moving. 0.99

02:09:11.000 I've purposely blocked that out. 0.99

02:09:14.000 Now the moment you're saying it, now I'm getting angry again.

02:09:16.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:09:16.000 Because I remember that dumb fucking conversation where I just wanted to be in a room with these people. 0.99

02:09:21.000 And go, you idiots have no business dictating anything when it comes to art. 1.00

02:09:26.000 You don't know what the fuck you're doing. 1.00

02:09:28.000 You don't understand stand-up. 1.00

02:09:29.000 They couldn't even show the thing I was showing.

02:09:31.000 I did a double special.

02:09:33.000 Not a two-part, a double special.

02:09:34.000 They wouldn't even be able to show it.

02:09:35.000 And they're like, we're going to show one, we're not sure about the other.

02:09:36.000 I'm like, there is no other.

02:09:38.000 They're together.

02:09:38.000 It's a together.

02:09:39.000 They're both commenting on each other.

02:09:40.000 It's a child and adult special.

02:09:42.000 Yeah.

02:09:42.000 On Netflix.

02:09:43.000 You can watch it now.

02:09:44.000 You can watch it now.

02:09:44.000 What's it called?

02:09:45.000 Double Negative.

02:09:46.000 Double negative.

02:09:47.000 It's available now.

02:09:48.000 Children, adulthood.

02:09:48.000 You can go watch it.

02:09:49.000 You can watch it.

02:09:50.000 You should.

02:09:51.000 But like, it just isn't working.

02:09:53.000 I was so mad.

02:09:55.000 That's right.

02:09:55.000 I remember.

02:09:56.000 And then I was like, anyone I suggested to take over for me, I was like, how about I step away?

02:09:59.000 Right.

02:09:59.000 Let Burt host.

02:10:00.000 No, because he did his special on Showtime.

02:10:03.000 Let Big J host.

02:10:05.000 I'm like, I can still promote comics.

02:10:06.000 Why did they say no to me?

02:10:08.000 That, oh, in the end it was because I suggested it.

02:10:12.000 I was so persona non grotto.

02:10:13.000 I suggested Henry Rollins, Ali Sadiq. 0.93

02:10:15.000 I'm like, this will fucking loft Ali Sadiq if you have him on. 0.92

02:10:18.000 He is of this show. 0.96

02:10:20.000 He's told multiple stories on this show.

02:10:23.000 My crowd knows him now.

02:10:25.000 Like, who's going to take over Chappelle's show? 0.99

02:10:26.000 Not some guy who's done one part Donnell and fucking... 0.99

02:10:30.000 Whatever his name is. 1.00

02:10:32.000 Dead fuck. 1.00

02:10:33.000 Charlie Murphy? 1.00

02:10:34.000 Charlie Murphy, yeah. 1.00

02:10:35.000 You son of a bitch. 1.00

02:10:35.000 Probably couldn't remember his name right away. 1.00

02:10:37.000 Dead fuck. 1.00

02:10:38.000 The point is... 1.00

02:10:39.000 Jesus Christ, dude.

02:10:39.000 The point is...

02:10:40.000 All right.

02:10:41.000 He was my friend.

02:10:42.000 That's a five-second rule.

02:10:43.000 So...

02:10:44.000 So...

02:10:47.000 Oh, my God.

02:10:48.000 You want a cigar?

02:10:50.000 I would love a cigar.

02:10:51.000 How about a cigar with my face on it?

02:10:53.000 Ooh.

02:10:55.000 Look at that.

02:10:57.000 What is this?

02:10:58.000 Foundation Cigars made special cigars.

02:11:02.000 That's cool, dude.

02:11:03.000 Super legit cigars.

02:11:05.000 That's cool.

02:11:05.000 With the JRE logo on it.

02:11:07.000 That's cool.

02:11:10.000 By the way, everybody, I should stop and say this right now. 0.99

02:11:13.000 You're apologizing for dead fuck? 1.00

02:11:15.000 No, I'm not apologizing for dead fuck. 1.00

02:11:16.000 I'll never apologize for anything fucking... 1.00

02:11:18.000 Oh, I didn't get the V cut. 0.98

02:11:20.000 Yeah.

02:11:21.000 There's another lighter over there somewhere. 0.94

02:11:23.000 Anytime I talk about this crazy shit that's happened in my life or whatever at all. 0.84

02:11:26.000 There's that little Stormtrooper one right there. 0.99

02:11:28.000 Everything's great.

02:11:29.000 I'm smoking cigars.

02:11:30.000 Yeah, you're great.

02:11:30.000 The Joe Rogan experience.

02:11:31.000 It's all good.

02:11:31.000 I'm not complaining about life.

02:11:33.000 My life is fucking sick. 0.99

02:11:34.000 Ari and I have been friends forever. 0.99

02:11:35.000 We're tight.

02:11:36.000 You know what I was going to do?

02:11:37.000 I wanted, I really wanted to pay the staff on my own.

02:11:43.000 I was gonna pay them, it was gonna be $750,000.

02:11:47.000 I figured it out.

02:11:48.000 By the line producer.

02:11:49.000 And I was gonna take all the money I made for the 10 episodes, that is gonna be about 300, something like that.

02:11:55.000 Have all my savings, and I was gonna, I didn't told you yet, but I was gonna borrow 400 grand from you.

02:12:01.000 You hadn't told me yet?

02:12:02.000 I mean, I figured you would do it.

02:12:04.000 I would've given it to you.

02:12:04.000 I know you would've.

02:12:05.000 100%.

02:12:05.000 I know 100%.

02:12:06.000 That's why I was banking on it.

02:12:07.000 And I would've paid them, and I worked it off. 0.96

02:12:09.000 I would've paid you back, and I would've worked it off, and I would've said, hey everybody, Viacom has made it, so I am now broke, because I had to pay everybody, and I would've called their bluff, and they wouldn't, the other people wouldn't fucking do it. 0.98

02:12:19.000 We would've fucking won. 0.83

02:12:21.000 Yeah, those were nice. 0.99

02:12:22.000 But Roy Wood stepped in.

02:12:23.000 He asked me. 1.00

02:12:24.000 Roy Wood's a shit, though. 1.00

02:12:25.000 He is a shit. 1.00

02:12:25.000 He was like, hey, what's going on here? 1.00

02:12:26.000 He wasn't a cunt. 1.00

02:12:27.000 Luckily that he got it because he's such a cool motherfucker. 1.00

02:12:30.000 Absolutely. 0.99

02:12:30.000 He was like, hey, shut this down. 0.99

02:12:32.000 What the fuck are they doing? 0.99

02:12:32.000 And I was like, hey, dude, if you don't take it, a lot of comics aren't getting an opportunity to fucking shine. 0.99

02:12:38.000 He's perfect. 0.83

02:12:38.000 Someone has to. 0.83

02:12:39.000 He's perfect for that gig.

02:12:40.000 Yeah, he was perfect for that gig because you just want to help elevate that guy's signal.

02:12:45.000 Yeah. 0.98

02:12:46.000 He's cool as fuck. 0.97

02:12:47.000 And he's really funny. 0.99

02:12:48.000 He's really smart too, man.

02:12:50.000 One of the most underrated comics.

02:12:51.000 A definite crusher.

02:12:53.000 Like a crusher.

02:12:54.000 Like you have trouble following him kind of crusher.

02:12:56.000 Like it'll work you.

02:12:57.000 But like, doesn't quite get the credit that he deserves.

02:13:01.000 I'll tell you the most underrated comic in America.

02:13:04.000 Earthquake.

02:13:05.000 Earthquake crushes.

02:13:08.000 He's one of the best comics alive.

02:13:10.000 When you say the most, that makes an argument.

02:13:11.000 I think he's the best comic that he should be selling out arenas.

02:13:16.000 And a long career, too.

02:13:18.000 When J.B. Smoove and him, when I started doing Black Rooms and stuff a little bit, when they were both crushing to the point of crying and choking, J.B. Smoove is not doing stand-up anymore.

02:13:28.000 He's not?

02:13:29.000 No, he went acting route.

02:13:31.000 It's fine.

02:13:31.000 He had a crushing career, but like...

02:13:34.000 Earthquake never stopped doing that.

02:13:36.000 Are you talking about a bombing story in front of J.B. Smooth?

02:13:39.000 Bombed in front of him?

02:13:40.000 Ever tell you this story?

02:13:42.000 No.

02:13:42.000 That was a good one.

02:13:43.000 I was in New Jersey.

02:13:45.000 We had this gig at a college, and it was a weird gig. 0.99

02:13:47.000 The college was in the middle of New Jersey where bears live and shit. 0.97

02:13:51.000 People don't realize that New Jersey, you think of New Jersey, you think of like... 0.99

02:13:54.000 Jersey Shore.

02:13:55.000 Yeah, or you think of Hackensack, like just out Hoboken.

02:13:59.000 Literally nobody thinks of Hackensack.

02:14:00.000 Okay, Hoboken.

02:14:01.000 Okay, I'll give you that.

02:14:02.000 Sorry.

02:14:03.000 I was really, I meant to say Hoboken, but I couldn't, didn't have it in the top of my head.

02:14:07.000 Well, even with that Charlie Murphy thing now.

02:14:13.000 Anyway, this is in the 90s, okay?

02:14:16.000 So when you would get a gig for like a college, I would literally be on the phone with the booking agency, it was probably like Barry Katz Company, Boston Comedy, and I would have a pad and a pen of paper.

02:14:28.000 And they would go, okay, you take this highway, To this exit, exit 35. Remember those days?

02:14:34.000 And then you go five miles and you go down this road for six miles and you take the right-hand turn to this street.

02:14:41.000 Good cigars, right?

02:14:42.000 Legit.

02:14:43.000 Shout out to Foundation Cigars.

02:14:45.000 They're legit.

02:14:46.000 They made like a legit, very good cigar.

02:14:49.000 It's a very good cigar with my logo on it.

02:14:51.000 But he explained it to me like how they made it and everything. 0.96

02:14:54.000 Anyway, so this gig in Jersey is fucking hard to find, man. 0.92

02:14:58.000 It's hard to find. 0.99

02:14:59.000 It's confusing as shit. 0.91

02:15:00.000 And I went with my girlfriend at the time, right? 0.98

02:15:02.000 So we take this drive.

02:15:03.000 We go all the way down there.

02:15:05.000 And then we go to this place. 0.99

02:15:06.000 It's in the middle of fucking nowhere. 0.98

02:15:08.000 And it was hard to find. 0.98

02:15:10.000 And we were on time, barely.

02:15:12.000 But we got there and JB hadn't made it there yet.

02:15:15.000 JB was the opening act.

02:15:17.000 So I say, well, what do you guys want to do?

02:15:20.000 They said, well, we'll just give it some time.

02:15:21.000 We'll wait for him to get here.

02:15:22.000 In the meantime, here's like our little rec room.

02:15:25.000 You can sit here.

02:15:25.000 You can watch TV or something.

02:15:27.000 So I was like 24, something like that. 0.99

02:15:31.000 Damn. 0.99

02:15:32.000 23, 24. I was young and dumb and full of cum. 1.00

02:15:35.000 That's why my girlfriend was there. 1.00

02:15:37.000 And I was like...

02:15:38.000 Can't bring your girlfriend to comedy shows. 0.99

02:15:40.000 Young Comics, stop bringing your girlfriend to comedy shows.

02:15:42.000 Well, if she's cool, you could bring her.

02:15:43.000 Sit away from the other comics.

02:15:45.000 It depends.

02:15:46.000 Until they get to know her.

02:15:47.000 It depends.

02:15:48.000 It depends on the person.

02:15:49.000 It depends on the relationship.

02:15:50.000 Anyway, in this case, it was a college gig.

02:15:53.000 Okay, that's fine.

02:15:54.000 You know, you'd show up like a mercenary, you'd do your job, and you'd drive two and a half hours home.

02:15:59.000 It was one of those gigs.

02:16:00.000 So, we're waiting. 0.99

02:16:02.000 And so I start watching TV, and I start watching this fucking show on the Malibu fires. 0.99

02:16:08.000 And it was so depressing. 0.99

02:16:10.000 It was so depressing.

02:16:11.000 There was this guy who was a fireman who was weeping, openly weeping, talking about how his house was just, like, miraculously spared, and then, like, maybe his neighbor's house was spared, and then, like, the guy across the street was gone,

02:16:26.000 and five other houses were gone, and then two other houses.

02:16:29.000 You could see, like, this fire just, like, haphazard, just like the last fire.

02:16:32.000 They just, they jump, and embers land on roofs, and they light everything on fire, and then there's this little girl walking around, and she was calling out for her dog.

02:16:40.000 She's like, Rusty?

02:16:41.000 Where are you, Rusty?

02:16:43.000 Rusty?

02:16:44.000 And I'm sitting here so depressed.

02:16:46.000 And then the people walk in and go, well, JB isn't here, so we're just going to start with you.

02:16:52.000 Is that okay?

02:16:52.000 I go...

02:16:54.000 When do you want to start?

02:16:55.000 They go, we're going to start now.

02:16:56.000 I'm like, oh no.

02:16:57.000 So I went on stage.

02:16:59.000 I have no respect this art form.

02:17:01.000 Oh my god.

02:17:02.000 Well, they were kids.

02:17:03.000 They were kids.

02:17:03.000 They were my age or younger.

02:17:05.000 Younger.

02:17:05.000 Like I said, I was 23 or 24 and they were probably like 20. And they brought me in and they just, ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Joe Rogan.

02:17:15.000 And I go on stage and just choke.

02:17:20.000 I was so depressed. 0.89

02:17:21.000 I was so bummed out and I was so dumb that I would watch something super depressing.

02:17:27.000 Not just watch something super depressing, but take it in. 0.82

02:17:30.000 Take in this guy crying.

02:17:31.000 This guy was weeping.

02:17:33.000 This guy was like, I saved up all my money.

02:17:36.000 You felt?

02:17:37.000 Oh my god.

02:17:38.000 This guy built this house with his bare hands.

02:17:40.000 And here's the thing about this guy that was so touching.

02:17:43.000 He didn't even lose his house.

02:17:45.000 He was sad that his neighbors lost his house.

02:17:47.000 He was sad that his house was still there and that he had survival guilt.

02:17:52.000 Because like three or four houses around him were gone.

02:17:55.000 And then this girl looking for her dog and I'm so bummed out. 0.99

02:18:00.000 And I just choked on shit. 0.98

02:18:04.000 I bombed so hard, and I remember I could tell my girlfriend was so unattracted to me when I got off stage. 0.99

02:18:11.000 Oh yeah, you told me that early.

02:18:13.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:18:13.000 For us, you can get lit.

02:18:14.000 You can just grab a girl like, you want to go? 1.00

02:18:15.000 Let's go.

02:18:16.000 But bomb, and your own girlfriend is like, hey, I gotta rethink this.

02:18:19.000 She was looking at me like, what was that?

02:18:21.000 I was like, what was that?

02:18:23.000 Jesus, I don't know.

02:18:24.000 I just choked. 1.00

02:18:25.000 I ate shit. 1.00

02:18:26.000 It was terrible. 1.00

02:18:27.000 I was saying the right jokes.

02:18:28.000 It's not like I forgot my jokes.

02:18:29.000 I just did not have any feeling.

02:18:32.000 And then, JB went up after me.

02:18:35.000 I go, is he here?

02:18:36.000 And I brought up JB Smooth and he murdered me.

02:18:39.000 So you couldn't even be like, it's not a good crowd?

02:18:41.000 I mean, he murdered!

02:18:43.000 He murdered!

02:18:44.000 He was so loose.

02:18:46.000 He used to crush.

02:18:47.000 And he was so late.

02:18:49.000 I mean, he showed up like 40 minutes. 1.00

02:18:51.000 Not everybody would have been late to this fucking ridiculous gig. 0.99

02:18:54.000 It was in the middle of the woods, man. 0.99

02:18:55.000 You couldn't get there.

02:18:57.000 It was so hard to find.

02:18:58.000 I don't remember what the university was, but it was...

02:19:00.000 Look, I was not getting like Rutgers. 0.99

02:19:02.000 I was getting like some shit universities. 0.99

02:19:04.000 I was a nobody. 0.99

02:19:05.000 I had no credits.

02:19:07.000 I had no credits.

02:19:07.000 I just did one NACA convention.

02:19:09.000 I got a few colleges, you know?

02:19:10.000 And so he went on afterwards and just murdered. 0.99

02:19:13.000 And I remember watching him going, God damn, he's funny. 0.99

02:19:15.000 He's so funny. 0.99

02:19:16.000 He would do more with less words.

02:19:18.000 He was like, you ever see a girl, her hair pulled back too tight?

02:19:21.000 And then that was the setup.

02:19:23.000 And for the next four and a half minutes, five minutes, just go...

02:19:28.000 He was so likable.

02:19:30.000 He's so likable, like when he's doing his bits, you want to laugh at him.

02:19:34.000 Most underrated comics?

02:19:36.000 Earthquake.

02:19:37.000 Earthquake?

02:19:37.000 Number one.

02:19:38.000 Okay, but let's do a top five or something, or many that we know.

02:19:41.000 Earthquake's, in my opinion, Earthquake's number one, because I've seen Earthquake murder at the Comedy Store one night.

02:19:46.000 He never doesn't.

02:19:47.000 Jesus.

02:19:47.000 He never doesn't.

02:19:48.000 But it was like thunderous.

02:19:50.000 No one got a break.

02:19:51.000 No pause.

02:19:53.000 No pause.

02:19:54.000 Thunderous.

02:19:54.000 I saw him do five at Kim Whitley and Buddy Lewis' Black Room at the Ha Ha.

02:19:58.000 And just do five.

02:19:59.000 And just like, came on.

02:20:01.000 He was already well known in the black community.

02:20:03.000 I didn't know him, you know?

02:20:04.000 I didn't know Paul Mooney.

02:20:05.000 So it's like, I never even know him.

02:20:07.000 And then he's like, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.

02:20:09.000 He's just like that.

02:20:10.000 Boom, boom, boom.

02:20:10.000 Earthquake.

02:20:11.000 Boom.

02:20:11.000 Put the mic down on the stand and walked out.

02:20:13.000 Not even in the stand, on the stool.

02:20:15.000 Just go, boom, boom, boom.

02:20:16.000 Earthquake.

02:20:16.000 And it was like, blah!

02:20:18.000 It was so fucking cool! 0.99

02:20:20.000 Murderous. 0.99

02:20:20.000 I was like, that's the line? 0.99

02:20:22.000 Yeah.

02:20:23.000 And it's like, I don't even know if anybody's seen anybody touch that line. 0.99

02:20:26.000 He can murder as much as Joey Diaz killing on like a Wednesday night when he's high as fuck at the comedy store. 0.99

02:20:34.000 Earthquake's... 1.00

02:20:35.000 Earthquake?

02:20:36.000 Number one, underrated.

02:20:37.000 I get it.

02:20:37.000 We're talking about underrated.

02:20:38.000 Yeah.

02:20:39.000 Roy Wood, I agree.

02:20:40.000 Roy Wood's very underrated.

02:20:41.000 I agree, those two.

02:20:44.000 I would say, even though he's known as a legend, I don't think he gets the respect that he deserves.

02:20:49.000 I think he's a number one comic in New York.

02:20:52.000 David Tell.

02:20:54.000 Yes.

02:20:54.000 He's respected high, but not as high as he is good.

02:20:58.000 Right.

02:20:58.000 He's respected amongst comics and amongst comedy fans.

02:21:03.000 Crushes new material constantly.

02:21:05.000 Constantly.

02:21:06.000 Watching him, I saw Eddie Griffin and Mark Curry in the back when I was an employee at the store, watching Paul Mooney.

02:21:14.000 And I remember hearing them.

02:21:15.000 I forgot which one was there already.

02:21:17.000 The other one walked up.

02:21:17.000 They know each other, like both celebrities at the time.

02:21:20.000 And I'm like, what you doing?

02:21:22.000 And the other just goes watching the legend.

02:21:23.000 And they both just turned and watched him for 20 minutes.

02:21:26.000 Because he was.

02:21:26.000 He was a legend.

02:21:27.000 That's what we do with the tell.

02:21:29.000 Yes. 0.99

02:21:29.000 We're just like, damn. 0.99

02:21:30.000 We learn how to, like, that's how you write a joke, okay? 1.00

02:21:32.000 Yeah.

02:21:33.000 Last time I worked with Attell was at the Improv, and it was not a big crowd.

02:21:36.000 It was a fairly small crowd.

02:21:37.000 I was doing a spot.

02:21:38.000 I don't remember.

02:21:39.000 I don't think it was my show.

02:21:40.000 I think it was somebody else's show.

02:21:41.000 But it was a late night spot.

02:21:43.000 You know, it's like probably like 11.45 Attell goes up and just murders.

02:21:48.000 And we were sitting in the back.

02:21:49.000 It was, oh, that's right.

02:21:49.000 It was me and my friend Tom.

02:21:52.000 Tommy Hershko was there.

02:21:54.000 And we were in the back and he was murdering.

02:21:57.000 I mean, just straight up murdering.

02:22:00.000 And I was just thinking like, God, I don't see this guy enough.

02:22:03.000 He's so good.

02:22:04.000 Yeah.

02:22:04.000 So clever.

02:22:05.000 His joke writing is so on.

02:22:07.000 I don't even know how to describe it.

02:22:08.000 And he hates everything he does.

02:22:10.000 As soon as he does, like, oh, that joke's terrible.

02:22:12.000 Yeah.

02:22:14.000 But like, that was a crushing set.

02:22:15.000 And he's on such a high level that he can analyze.

02:22:17.000 Like, if you're a fourth grader writing a paper, you're like, it's a pretty good paper.

02:22:21.000 But a college professor would be like, that would be a terrible paper for me.

02:22:24.000 So he's operating on a level that a fourth grader wouldn't understand.

02:22:27.000 So you're like, that was a good joke. 1.00

02:22:28.000 It was a dumb switch! 0.95

02:22:29.000 Like, he'll break it down as his two, like... 0.99

02:22:33.000 Minor for him or something?

02:22:35.000 Part of what makes him great is that he doesn't appreciate himself.

02:22:38.000 It sounds so crazy, but it is true. 0.99

02:22:40.000 Makes him keep driving.

02:22:40.000 Yeah, it does.

02:22:41.000 That happens to a lot of people.

02:22:43.000 The more you don't appreciate yourself, the less you're likely to puff yourself up.

02:22:49.000 So the more you're likely to critique yourself, so the more you're likely to tighten everything up and make sure your bits are the best they could possibly be.

02:22:58.000 Anywhere you see him on your lineup, you're going to have a great night if you go.

02:23:01.000 He's one of the best of all time.

02:23:02.000 He's performing now.

02:23:04.000 But like, he'll do things too where like...

02:23:09.000 We're like, he'll tackle subjects that aren't, so a lot of comics, now that it's more easily able to film specials, they're like always forming your special, you know?

02:23:19.000 Yeah.

02:23:19.000 Going towards a special.

02:23:20.000 But he's like, hey, here's a topical joke.

02:23:22.000 I got probably about a three-week run on this.

02:23:24.000 Right.

02:23:24.000 Because what I take as his theory, I don't know.

02:23:25.000 But he goes, it's my job as a comic to tackle this for three weeks.

02:23:30.000 Yeah.

02:23:30.000 Until it's done.

02:23:31.000 It won't be on anything.

02:23:32.000 Right, but if you go to the cellar right after that happens and you see a tell, he'll have a bid on it.

02:23:37.000 Yeah.

02:23:38.000 And he's a guy that was the most imitated unconsciously.

02:23:43.000 I think some people did it consciously, but a lot of people were just doing it.

02:23:48.000 They didn't know why.

02:23:50.000 They just had a cadence that sounded like a tail.

02:23:52.000 He came to visit the store one week every...

02:23:55.000 Two years, and for the next month after that, all my new jokes were in a tell cadence.

02:24:00.000 I couldn't help it.

02:24:01.000 It just came out.

02:24:02.000 There's a lot of guys like that.

02:24:03.000 I had a problem with Richard Jenny like that, and when I first started out, I was imitating Richard Jenny. 1.00

02:24:08.000 He's a dead fuck, too. 0.99

02:24:09.000 I didn't know him like I knew Charlie, so I could accept you saying that. 1.00

02:24:14.000 Fair enough.

02:24:15.000 Yeah, that one.

02:24:17.000 Brody, for sure.

02:24:18.000 Brody, for sure.

02:24:19.000 Super underrated.

02:24:20.000 No, Brody in terms of imitatable.

02:24:22.000 Oh my god!

02:24:23.000 So, yes!

02:24:25.000 I'd have David Taylor from the back.

02:24:27.000 We would do this with each other.

02:24:27.000 Actually, he just did it for me.

02:24:28.000 If I started talking like Brody, he would interrupt me.

02:24:30.000 I'd ask him to.

02:24:31.000 Just go, you're doing Brody!

02:24:32.000 Like in the middle of a set.

02:24:33.000 Thank you.

02:24:34.000 And stop.

02:24:35.000 Who else is underrated?

02:24:40.000 It's a tough one because it's not like who's good.

02:24:42.000 There's so much media now.

02:24:44.000 Yeah, Chappelle's not underrated, right?

02:24:45.000 Right, no.

02:24:46.000 So it's like who's underrated.

02:24:48.000 How can you be underrated when people think you're the GOAT? Who's underrated?

02:24:56.000 It's mostly low-level comics who don't have the name yet.

02:24:59.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:25:00.000 It's mostly people on the come up.

02:25:02.000 Yeah, it's mostly people on the way up.

02:25:05.000 Yeah.

02:25:06.000 Well, if we find them, we'll broadcast them.

02:25:09.000 That's one of the cool things about our group, at least. 0.99

02:25:11.000 Like, when we find someone who's really good, we don't suppress a fucking thing. 0.97

02:25:14.000 That's one of the saddest things when you meet a comic who suppresses whether or not someone's good or not, and they try to pretend someone's not that good when you know they're a murderer. 0.97

02:25:23.000 I try to post, I'm always looking for like, I have this problem with Instagram.

02:25:27.000 I'm off Twitter, but on Instagram, I'm like, I don't want to do anything serious.

02:25:31.000 I feel like it's lame.

02:25:33.000 It's a comic to do something serious.

02:25:35.000 Right.

02:25:35.000 So I'm like, how can I promote those, those tour posters are a good way to promote and be funny.

02:25:39.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:25:40.000 And so, like, how can I fill content on there?

02:25:42.000 And one way I figured it out is I'll just post funny comics clips on my Instagram.

02:25:48.000 That's a good move.

02:25:49.000 Takes up time.

02:25:50.000 People who follow me are like, oh, that's funny.

02:25:53.000 Thank you for this funny thing.

02:25:54.000 And then you can promote somebody.

02:25:55.000 I do a lot of that just to encourage people.

02:25:57.000 Oh, you're the best at it.

02:25:58.000 Yeah.

02:25:58.000 You're the best at it.

02:26:00.000 I like to encourage.

02:26:00.000 Well, I have a crazy platform.

02:26:02.000 You do?

02:26:03.000 I feel like I have an obligation.

02:26:04.000 I really do.

02:26:05.000 And it's weird, man.

02:26:06.000 The obligation's very weird.

02:26:08.000 The responsibilities that come with it are very strange.

02:26:10.000 But you doing that?

02:26:11.000 You promoting comics and stuff?

02:26:13.000 I mean, it's a joke, writing Joe Rogan's coattails, but you've helped all of us a ton.

02:26:18.000 So it's like, that's your tithing.

02:26:20.000 That's your giving back to charity.

02:26:22.000 You don't believe in the Catholic Church.

02:26:23.000 You believe in the Catholic Church of comedy.

02:26:25.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:26:25.000 So, like, let me donate to comedy by having on Ali McCas.

02:26:29.000 Somebody new on this podcast would be like, let me push you up.

02:26:31.000 Brian Simpson the other day.

02:26:33.000 Brian Simpson.

02:26:33.000 Brian Simpson was up and coming.

02:26:35.000 It was fantastic.

02:26:35.000 Great.

02:26:35.000 I've seen him.

02:26:36.000 He's funny. 0.99

02:26:36.000 He's funny as fuck, dude. 0.99

02:26:38.000 Is he living here now or back in LA? He goes back and forth. 0.99

02:26:40.000 Okay, great.

02:26:41.000 Once we open up.

02:26:42.000 Woo! 0.99

02:26:43.000 Woo! 0.99

02:26:43.000 He's going to do the Netflix half hours the next year. 0.99

02:26:45.000 Yes.

02:26:45.000 He's very, very good.

02:26:47.000 He's got massive potential.

02:26:49.000 He's a 10-year guy.

02:26:51.000 So he's 10 years in.

02:26:52.000 That's the exact time.

02:26:53.000 Yep, yep, yep.

02:26:54.000 Matured.

02:26:55.000 Got his act down.

02:26:56.000 Got his delivery down.

02:26:58.000 Got his confidence down.

02:26:58.000 Those guys are the best when they're unfounded 10 years because you get to finish cooking.

02:27:02.000 The seven years when they get discovered too early, it's like, oh, you weren't done.

02:27:05.000 You got taken out of the oven too fast. 1.00

02:27:06.000 If you do a special at five years, you're fucked. 1.00

02:27:08.000 Yeah, and then you think you're good. 1.00

02:27:09.000 Then people will watch that special and go, yuck.

02:27:11.000 Yeah.

02:27:12.000 Yeah.

02:27:13.000 Mm-hmm.

02:27:16.000 Yeah, the first time I got on MTV, I think I'd been doing comedy for five years.

02:27:19.000 And it was like...

02:27:20.000 It's not that good.

02:27:21.000 Yeah.

02:27:22.000 Somebody's got to find that.

02:27:23.000 It's out there.

02:27:24.000 Can you find that?

02:27:24.000 People can find it.

02:27:25.000 Oh, my God.

02:27:26.000 It's out there.

02:27:27.000 Yeah, it's not very good.

02:27:28.000 Oh, so cute, though.

02:27:30.000 Full head of hair.

02:27:31.000 Full head of hair, 170 pounds.

02:27:33.000 Oh yeah, that's the old Joe Rogan headshot.

02:27:35.000 Can you bring that up?

02:27:37.000 It's so slim.

02:27:39.000 I mean, your face is completely different.

02:27:41.000 I don't know what makes a head grow that big, but something.

02:27:44.000 Testosterone.

02:27:45.000 Oh, okay.

02:27:45.000 And a lot of lifting weights.

02:27:46.000 I was going to say it, but yeah.

02:27:47.000 A lot of lifting weights.

02:27:49.000 And then a lot of just mass.

02:27:50.000 When I lost weight, though, when I... That's me.

02:27:53.000 Wow, look at that.

02:27:55.000 The same size shirt you wear now.

02:27:56.000 Yeah, basically.

02:27:57.000 It's just draping off you.

02:27:58.000 So you gotta realize, this is like 93?

02:28:04.000 Yeah.

02:28:05.000 92 or 93?

02:28:07.000 Yeah.

02:28:07.000 Don't give me any volume.

02:28:08.000 Shut that off. 0.61

02:28:09.000 Turn that off now. 1.00

02:28:11.000 I'll fucking projectile vomit on Ari's stupid shirt. 1.00

02:28:20.000 Dude, I have worse shit. 1.00

02:28:22.000 I have some shit that I found. 1.00

02:28:23.000 I have some VHS tapes for me just starting out. 0.99

02:28:26.000 I was like 1989. Oh, it's so bad.

02:28:30.000 It's so bad.

02:28:31.000 The problem is if you put them up, it's going to be a lot of like, oh, you're awful, which is fine.

02:28:36.000 It'll hurt, but also you're right.

02:28:38.000 But then also, this is what'll hurt more.

02:28:40.000 You get like, I kind of liked it.

02:28:41.000 No!

02:28:42.000 It's the worst comment.

02:28:43.000 I had a couple good jokes.

02:28:44.000 I had a couple good bits.

02:28:46.000 You were good enough to get on TV. It wasn't like you had nothing, nothing.

02:28:49.000 It's just you're looking back at it from where you are now to there.

02:28:51.000 Yeah, I wasn't selling out arenas.

02:28:54.000 I wasn't even thinking I was ever going to.

02:28:55.000 You were so small.

02:28:58.000 Well, that was when I was, you've got to realize, I was just retiring from fighting.

02:29:01.000 When I fought, I fought the last fights I had, the kickboxing fights, were at 160 pounds.

02:29:06.000 160?

02:29:07.000 That's so svelte.

02:29:08.000 That's Burt Kreischer weight.

02:29:09.000 Well, I didn't lift any weights back then.

02:29:11.000 That's me when I was on Hardball.

02:29:14.000 That was the first year that I was on television.

02:29:17.000 You had the first Joker tattoo already.

02:29:19.000 Yeah, man.

02:29:20.000 I got that when I was 20. 20 or 21. That's me in...

02:29:26.000 God, I was going to say 93, I think.

02:29:30.000 That's around the same time.

02:29:32.000 Yeah.

02:29:33.000 There you go.

02:29:33.000 Say 93?

02:29:35.000 94. 1994. There you go.

02:29:37.000 I was happy.

02:29:38.000 I was super happy.

02:29:39.000 Yeah, I like that tattoo.

02:29:40.000 That's dope. 0.93

02:29:41.000 Thanks.

02:29:41.000 Who did that?

02:29:42.000 It's really good.

02:29:42.000 This guy in Montanita.

02:29:44.000 This dude I saw, we just rented a car and just did loops around Ecuador.

02:29:50.000 There's Amazon, mountains, and beach.

02:29:52.000 Three very different regions run by different indigenous people and different cultures and stuff.

02:29:59.000 So I bought a t-shirt from him.

02:30:01.000 I'm like, oh, this t-shirt is really cool.

02:30:02.000 A bunch of Shuar warriors.

02:30:03.000 And he goes, I made it.

02:30:04.000 That's my t-shirt.

02:30:05.000 I designed it. 0.99

02:30:06.000 I was like, oh, fucking red. 0.99

02:30:07.000 Then later, I was like, listen, I thought I might be here a month. 0.99

02:30:10.000 I've been here five and a half months.

02:30:12.000 I should get a tattoo of this place, of this experience.

02:30:15.000 It was so freeing, dude.

02:30:17.000 Oh, man, I wish we could have.

02:30:19.000 It was so freeing.

02:30:20.000 Some people visited you.

02:30:21.000 Joe List and Sarah visited me.

02:30:23.000 A lot of people said they would.

02:30:24.000 Joe List and Sarah visited me.

02:30:25.000 Who said they wouldn't but didn't?

02:30:26.000 Let's shame them. 1.00

02:30:27.000 Shame is the right one. 1.00

02:30:28.000 It's Shame Gillis.

02:30:30.000 Shame Gillis. 1.00

02:30:31.000 Why has that never crossed my mind before?

02:30:34.000 Shame Gillis. 1.00

02:30:35.000 Shame Gillis. 1.00

02:30:36.000 Because he was drinking.

02:30:37.000 Photoshoppers, start your work.

02:30:38.000 Shame Gillis. 1.00

02:30:40.000 He was drinking those Bud Lights and he got sleepy.

02:30:42.000 Yeah, he said he was going to come and then he started getting a hell of road work.

02:30:45.000 Oh, well, it's hard to judge him on that.

02:30:47.000 I mean, the kid got canceled.

02:30:49.000 That's fair.

02:30:52.000 I'm the one who tipped off that reporter, too.

02:30:56.000 What if that's secretly just trying to get ahead by doing that?

02:31:00.000 It's for your own good, Shane.

02:31:02.000 SNL's not for you.

02:31:04.000 Gillian Keeves.

02:31:05.000 Guys, go YouTube.

02:31:06.000 Gillian Keeves is one of the very best sketch shows that has ever existed.

02:31:10.000 We watched them.

02:31:10.000 Our friends.

02:31:10.000 They're so good.

02:31:11.000 Even my Normcore friends.

02:31:12.000 So good.

02:31:13.000 Even my Normcore friends.

02:31:14.000 There's a new Gillian Keeves.

02:31:15.000 I don't know what his schedule is. 0.99

02:31:16.000 The Trump speed dating thing is fucking brilliant. 0.98

02:31:19.000 The new one, the Sibian dad, the OnlyFans dad. 0.99

02:31:23.000 Oh, yeah, yeah.

02:31:23.000 That's a great one.

02:31:24.000 Jesus Christ, that's good.

02:31:25.000 Dude, you know in the Trump dating one?

02:31:27.000 Yeah.

02:31:28.000 The chick at the end, the Republican chick who really likes him?

02:31:31.000 That's my social media manager.

02:31:33.000 Oh, that's hilarious.

02:31:33.000 That's Kyla.

02:31:34.000 You know what's really funny, man?

02:31:35.000 Yeah, that's just who she really is. 0.51

02:31:38.000 It's literally some of the best sketch comedy that I've ever seen in my life, and he's free.

02:31:43.000 No rules, just right.

02:31:44.000 Because there's no rules.

02:31:44.000 He can say whatever he wants.

02:31:46.000 Make him a bid.

02:31:46.000 It's amazing.

02:31:47.000 Yeah.

02:31:48.000 He's so good.

02:31:49.000 And SNL, I swear to God, it's better this way.

02:31:53.000 It's better.

02:31:54.000 It's better to do this.

02:31:55.000 It's going to take more time for people to see him, but you saw the pop that he got the other night at Vulcan when he went on?

02:32:00.000 Jesus Christ, they go crazy.

02:32:02.000 It's better this way.

02:32:03.000 It would be nice if it's not like him deciding, hey, I don't want to do this.

02:32:07.000 It's unfair.

02:32:09.000 Like they say, he'll do great, but he could have taken over that show.

02:32:16.000 Did you see when Norm Macdonald went after SNL? Norm Macdonald went after SNL and he posted a clip of Gillian Keeves, a genius clip, and he said, this is better than anything that SNL's done.

02:32:29.000 And he put this up, you fucking idiots, you lost this guy. 1.00

02:32:32.000 Wow. 1.00

02:32:33.000 Yeah, Norm Macdonald did that.

02:32:34.000 I don't think Norm wanted to lose him.

02:32:36.000 Norm Macdonald, he didn't.

02:32:37.000 Yeah.

02:32:38.000 Shane was talking about it.

02:32:39.000 Look, it was out of their hands.

02:32:40.000 Everybody was going crazy.

02:32:41.000 You're saying shame now casually.

02:32:42.000 He just said it.

02:32:43.000 All they refer to him as Shane Gillis.

02:32:47.000 He's great.

02:32:48.000 I love him.

02:32:48.000 Everybody loves Shay.

02:32:49.000 It kind of bummed me out, though, because there was a moment on the podcast where he said that he was hoping that I was going to come and save him.

02:32:55.000 He said, I was hoping I was going to come and have him on my podcast.

02:32:58.000 I was like, really?

02:32:59.000 You know, why?

02:33:00.000 Why?

02:33:01.000 Because this is a giant platform that people that start comics, starting comics, are like, this is the thing to get.

02:33:07.000 I mean, I told somebody, I saw one of my openers from Cap City a long time ago.

02:33:11.000 Might have opened for my special, I don't know, but like...

02:33:13.000 He was waiting in town for it.

02:33:14.000 I was like, I'm just hanging out.

02:33:14.000 I'm going to do Rogue.

02:33:15.000 He goes, congratulations.

02:33:16.000 I was like, oh.

02:33:17.000 That's funny.

02:33:18.000 I was on episode two.

02:33:20.000 I appreciate it.

02:33:22.000 He was there back in 2009. You were on those ones that we used to do in the green room.

02:33:26.000 Remember when Joey Diaz would get mad at us? 1.00

02:33:28.000 Shut the fucking laptop! 1.00

02:33:29.000 Shut the fucking thing off! 1.00

02:33:30.000 What are you doing, cocksucker? 1.00

02:33:31.000 If we just knew then, all we had to do to calm Diaz down is just give him some coke. 1.00

02:33:36.000 We should've just brought coke with us.

02:33:38.000 Well, or edibles.

02:33:40.000 Yeah.

02:33:40.000 Well, he was getting off the coke then.

02:33:43.000 Those days, the 2009 days were Joey Diaz coke days.

02:33:47.000 People see old clips of him and you go, why is he so angry?

02:33:50.000 You don't understand what it's like when someone's on coke or quitting coke.

02:33:53.000 Quitting anything. 0.99

02:33:54.000 They're maniacs. 0.94

02:33:55.000 And Joey was just a beautiful soul trapped in the body of a person who's addicted to cocaine. 1.00

02:34:02.000 Joey's one of the nicest fucking people I've ever met in my life. 0.97

02:34:05.000 He's so nice. 0.98

02:34:06.000 I visit him.

02:34:07.000 I love him.

02:34:07.000 I love him to death.

02:34:08.000 I love him.

02:34:10.000 And people, you know, they don't...

02:34:11.000 Who doesn't?

02:34:12.000 I mean, maybe some people don't, but I think those people don't know him.

02:34:15.000 No, no, no. 0.99

02:34:15.000 He doesn't even get the backlash shit. 0.99

02:34:17.000 I don't even think he gets it. 0.99

02:34:17.000 He got a little of it when that bit came out, when a segment of the podcast where he was joking around about something. 0.99

02:34:27.000 They just don't understand his humor.

02:34:29.000 Like, he exaggerates.

02:34:31.000 Everything's an exaggeration and not real.

02:34:33.000 It's like gonzo journalism.

02:34:35.000 They asked me, too, is that a real story sometimes with his stuff?

02:34:38.000 They're like, is that real?

02:34:39.000 I'm like, you're concentrating on the wrong thing.

02:34:40.000 Yeah, exactly.

02:34:41.000 You're fact-checking a novel.

02:34:43.000 Yeah.

02:34:43.000 Dude.

02:34:44.000 Right, right, right.

02:34:45.000 Just go enjoy it.

02:34:46.000 You're not going to enjoy it.

02:34:47.000 But the thing is, you don't know that if you're on the outside and you just see a clip. 1.00

02:34:50.000 You go, oh, that guy's a piece of shit. 1.00

02:34:51.000 And I'm a piece of shit for laughing at him. 1.00

02:34:53.000 Because the joke was... 1.00

02:34:54.000 You could punch a tranny. 1.00

02:34:56.000 It's like, come on, dude. 1.00

02:34:57.000 He's never punched a transsexual. 0.99

02:34:58.000 All that stuff.

02:34:59.000 I know.

02:35:00.000 It was worse than that.

02:35:00.000 Don't even.

02:35:01.000 Don't even.

02:35:01.000 No, no, no.

02:35:01.000 It was genius.

02:35:03.000 His bit that he did about taking a Vicodin and a girl with one leg sucked his dick and he shot a nut in her eye and she got dizzy from the Vicodin... 1.00

02:35:11.000 Oh, I didn't know it was that one. 1.00

02:35:12.000 That's a funny one. 0.98

02:35:13.000 It's so ridiculous. 0.98

02:35:14.000 That's a funny one. 0.94

02:35:14.000 He told that to Tom and Christina, and you can see, like, Christina's like, she's on your mom's house, and Tom is howling, laughing. 0.94

02:35:22.000 Tom looks like a cherry.

02:35:24.000 He's so red from laughing and holding his breath.

02:35:26.000 He looks like a cherry.

02:35:28.000 Joey's just a classic human being.

02:35:30.000 Yeah.

02:35:31.000 I mean, I tell the story a million times, but one of the reasons why I started taking three people on the road with me...

02:35:35.000 You gonna piss again?

02:35:36.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:35:37.000 No, tell it, because this is how I got into the fuck... 0.99

02:35:40.000 Any help from you, I got from Joey Diaz's habits. 0.99

02:35:43.000 Yeah, Joey Diaz was so...

02:35:45.000 He was so crazy back then.

02:35:47.000 Do you need a new jug? 0.98

02:35:49.000 I don't want you pissing over my carpet. 0.99

02:35:50.000 These mobile bottles, dude, they're fucking huge. 0.99

02:35:52.000 It's 64 ounces. 0.99

02:35:53.000 It's great.

02:35:54.000 That's what I piss most times. 1.00

02:35:59.000 Oh, look, Ari's dick again. 1.00

02:36:00.000 Interesting. 1.00

02:36:01.000 Listen, can you hear it?

02:36:03.000 Spotify, does that offend you?

02:36:06.000 Well, then listen to those rap lyrics, which I love, by the way.

02:36:09.000 I don't hate the rap lyrics.

02:36:10.000 I love them.

02:36:11.000 But if you're playing NWA and you're mad at me, Anyway, Joey was unreliable.

02:36:20.000 Not always, but a certain percentage of the time.

02:36:24.000 We did a lot of gigs together.

02:36:25.000 But he wouldn't give you notice.

02:36:27.000 No, no, no, no, no, no.

02:36:28.000 I'll never forget the one time that I talked to him.

02:36:31.000 He was supposed to be in New Jersey, and he said he was going to be there the first day, but something happened. 0.99

02:36:34.000 He got fucked up. 0.97

02:36:35.000 He got lost, and something happened. 1.00

02:36:37.000 I'll be there tomorrow.

02:36:38.000 I'll see you tomorrow.

02:36:38.000 And then the next day, I'm on the phone with him.

02:36:41.000 Five minutes before the show, he goes, I'm not going to lie to you, dog.

02:36:43.000 I never left Vegas.

02:36:45.000 You You've been lying to me!

02:36:48.000 He knew I loved him.

02:36:49.000 He knew I loved him.

02:36:51.000 So what I said was, okay, what I'm gonna do is...

02:36:54.000 This is crazy what you're about to say.

02:36:56.000 As a boss, this is crazy.

02:36:58.000 I said, instead of having one opening act, I'll just have two opening acts.

02:37:01.000 That way, if Joey doesn't show up, I always have an opening act.

02:37:04.000 You'll have at least one.

02:37:05.000 Well, I was like, I'm going to bring my friends because I've done the whole thing on the road before.

02:37:09.000 In the business world, that would be like, hey, you're showing up drunk and I can't trust you.

02:37:13.000 I'm not going to fire you.

02:37:14.000 I'll hire another person so now I have two employees doing the same job.

02:37:18.000 No, he's a genius.

02:37:19.000 He's a genius and he taught me some very important things about comedy just from hanging around with him.

02:37:24.000 He taught me about economy of words.

02:37:27.000 And I knew about it as a concept, but I could see about it and just his understanding of how to tell a joke and how to tell a story.

02:37:34.000 He didn't have any...

02:37:35.000 There was no fluff.

02:37:36.000 He knew you had a short attention span.

02:37:37.000 He wasn't doing moth stories.

02:37:40.000 He was doing does not happening stories.

02:37:41.000 He was coming at you guns blazing.

02:37:44.000 And also, he was so... 1.00

02:37:46.000 Some people say they don't give a fuck. 0.99

02:37:48.000 Joey Diaz embodied it. 1.00

02:37:51.000 A fuck. 1.00

02:37:52.000 Embodied it. 1.00

02:37:52.000 Didn't give any fucks. 1.00

02:37:54.000 Go with him or not. 0.98

02:37:54.000 It's up to you. 0.98

02:37:55.000 Enjoy it or get lost.

02:37:56.000 Either way, it's okay.

02:37:57.000 Ha ha ha ha ha!

02:37:58.000 When he would laugh like that.

02:38:00.000 Ha ha ha!

02:38:00.000 He'd do something crazy.

02:38:02.000 Yeah.

02:38:02.000 He'd stop.

02:38:03.000 Ha ha ha!

02:38:04.000 He was just so happy.

02:38:05.000 And happy that he was loved.

02:38:07.000 There's a thing about Joey and me is that Joey knew unconditionally that I love him.

02:38:13.000 And he knew it didn't matter. 1.00

02:38:15.000 No matter what crazy shit he did, I was never going to go, hey man, I can't fuck with you anymore. 1.00

02:38:19.000 There was never that possibility. 1.00

02:38:21.000 So he could always be free.

02:38:23.000 I always would try to help him.

02:38:26.000 He would yell at you to your face.

02:38:27.000 He was one of the few people who relied on you for money.

02:38:30.000 Not relied on you, but you gave him money.

02:38:32.000 You gave all of us money.

02:38:34.000 If you're like, hey, let's go downstairs in 10 minutes.

02:38:36.000 Be down there in 10 minutes.

02:38:37.000 And you took your time.

02:38:39.000 Whatever.

02:38:40.000 It's not my favorite quality, but you took your time.

02:38:42.000 And then 30 minutes later, you weren't down there.

02:38:44.000 You're like, oh, sorry, I had to do this and this. 1.00

02:38:45.000 He goes, don't fucking leave me down there like an asshole! 1.00

02:38:48.000 You say 20, 10 minutes? 1.00

02:38:49.000 Be there in 10 minutes!

02:38:50.000 And I'm like, dude, he's not gonna...

02:38:52.000 But you would never not...

02:38:54.000 You would be like, sorry.

02:38:55.000 That wasn't cool.

02:38:57.000 You're right.

02:38:57.000 He would get tense.

02:38:58.000 Yeah.

02:38:59.000 He always had a short fuse.

02:39:02.000 But when he said that, it's like, I know people like him.

02:39:06.000 He doesn't not love you.

02:39:08.000 And he knew that I always loved him.

02:39:09.000 That was part of our relationship.

02:39:11.000 So when Joey was unreliable, I was like, there's a couple of gigs where I didn't have an opening act.

02:39:15.000 And one of them was in Phoenix.

02:39:17.000 We hired that dude who was on Walking Dead.

02:39:20.000 Josh...

02:39:22.000 McDermott.

02:39:22.000 Josh McDermott, who wound up being that guy on Walking Dead, who was a liar, remember?

02:39:26.000 Pretending to be a scientist?

02:39:27.000 Brilliant, brilliant.

02:39:28.000 Funny comic, too.

02:39:30.000 I don't know if he's still doing comedy anymore.

02:39:31.000 Did he stop?

02:39:33.000 Got a hit show, right?

02:39:35.000 No, that's why you started bringing me.

02:39:36.000 I got that role.

02:39:37.000 So I said, okay, I'm going to start bringing two opening acts.

02:39:41.000 Which, at the time, I wasn't making that much money on the road.

02:39:45.000 Nobody brings an emcee.

02:39:46.000 You bring just the feature.

02:39:47.000 And not everyone did that back then.

02:39:49.000 You gave us a raise?

02:39:52.000 You were giving us $150, which, I mean, I should be making $50 a show to MC. You were giving me $150, like, now you're a headliner, which I've tried to do myself for people.

02:40:02.000 You were like, hey, you're getting $150, you're a headliner, you should get headline money.

02:40:05.000 And then at some point, I was at Pink Dot when I got the call.

02:40:08.000 You go, hey, no, never asked for it.

02:40:12.000 You just go, hey, I realize that wasn't fair, you're getting $250 now. 0.90

02:40:15.000 So it's an extra fucking $500 a week for like... 0.79

02:40:20.000 I was already getting paid well. 0.98

02:40:23.000 Yeah, but when we were doing, like, Thursday through Sunday, it's nice you go home with a few grand.

02:40:27.000 Dude, I wouldn't touch my wallet the whole time.

02:40:29.000 Yeah, oh, that was nice.

02:40:30.000 Segura's first time coming.

02:40:31.000 He's like, let me pay you.

02:40:31.000 And I'm like, oh, no, Tom, you can try.

02:40:34.000 You're not going to be able to do it.

02:40:35.000 Like, if you go to Starbucks on your own, you can pay, and that's about it.

02:40:38.000 Well, it was great.

02:40:40.000 I tried to pass it down.

02:40:41.000 It was great.

02:40:43.000 It's a good quality, and I think Tom passes it down.

02:40:45.000 I think most guys who we took on the road, they did pass that down.

02:40:50.000 They do treat their opening acts very well.

02:40:52.000 And they do also try to pump each other up, like have funny people on their shows.

02:40:57.000 And that's one of the beautiful things about podcasts.

02:41:00.000 We've said this ad nauseum, but it's true. 0.99

02:41:01.000 We're not competitive with each other.

02:41:03.000 We help each other.

02:41:04.000 It's an organic network.

02:41:06.000 Everybody supports everybody.

02:41:08.000 There's these guys who do Are You Garbage?

02:41:10.000 It's a podcast. 0.99

02:41:11.000 They just ask questions to find out if you're a garbage person or not. 0.89

02:41:14.000 It's a great theme because you end up telling stories like, have you ever microwaved eggs? 1.00

02:41:19.000 Shit like that where you wouldn't have told this story before. 0.96

02:41:22.000 It gets you thinking of new stuff. 0.99

02:41:24.000 And I'm like, fun thing.

02:41:26.000 I know my name carries some weight, so let me be on there.

02:41:29.000 And so did Sodor.

02:41:30.000 So did all these people.

02:41:32.000 Now they're bigger.

02:41:33.000 Now if I got to promote something, I now have just self-serving.

02:41:36.000 It wasn't the reason for it, but I'm like, I now have a big platform that I can go on.

02:41:41.000 Of course, helping each other just helps ourselves.

02:41:43.000 It helps everybody.

02:41:44.000 And it helps everybody if you have good people on because then people go, oh, I want to tune into Ari's show. 0.72

02:41:49.000 He has some great guests.

02:41:51.000 Right?

02:41:52.000 So it helps them because they get promoted by your podcast.

02:41:55.000 Yeah.

02:41:56.000 And it helps you because your podcast looks good.

02:41:58.000 And that's my approach.

02:41:59.000 My approach was always, like, have the coolest, funniest, best people on and promote them.

02:42:04.000 So did Seinfeld, so did Conan.

02:42:05.000 This is a way of success through raising other people up.

02:42:08.000 Yes.

02:42:08.000 And it feels good, man.

02:42:10.000 When other people do really well, it actually feels good.

02:42:13.000 Because your...

02:42:15.000 Partially, like, that's my thing.

02:42:18.000 I made that.

02:42:19.000 No, you helped.

02:42:21.000 Helped!

02:42:22.000 Helped is nice.

02:42:22.000 So you get to take some of the...

02:42:25.000 It wasn't just like it happened completely without me.

02:42:27.000 It's like, your help's like, hey, some of the work I put in there, if you're a grip on a movie that wins an Oscar, you're like, I helped with that.

02:42:33.000 It's nice.

02:42:34.000 Okay, I guess that, yeah.

02:42:35.000 But the most I thought of it is just... 0.98

02:42:38.000 Look, I fucking love comedy, man. 0.98

02:42:40.000 I've always loved comedy. 0.99

02:42:40.000 Did I tell you what I saw when I was on Ayahuasca? 0.99

02:42:42.000 Did I tell you about that?

02:42:43.000 What'd you say?

02:42:44.000 I went to the jungle.

02:42:45.000 Did it fun.

02:42:46.000 It was weird and interesting.

02:42:49.000 Heard about it.

02:42:49.000 We were like, we're going to do it eventually, but let's wait until it's offered to us, I guess, or until it comes.

02:42:55.000 Until the universe calls you.

02:42:56.000 Sort of, but we should do it here.

02:42:57.000 It's the Amazon.

02:42:59.000 We keep going to the Amazon every month or so.

02:43:03.000 It was interesting.

02:43:05.000 There was some shaman lady and a Far outside one of the main towns in the Amazon, about an hour and a half away.

02:43:11.000 Had to cross a bridge to get there.

02:43:13.000 Met this shaman.

02:43:14.000 Her son was training to be a shaman. 1.00

02:43:17.000 Just this fucking headdress with a monkey skull on it. 1.00

02:43:20.000 And a jaguar skin drum that they would beat. 1.00

02:43:24.000 Jaguar skin? 0.90

02:43:25.000 Yeah.

02:43:25.000 Who killed a jaguar?

02:43:27.000 His uncle.

02:43:28.000 The guy's training uncle.

02:43:29.000 So the shaman's brother.

02:43:32.000 Or brother-in-law.

02:43:36.000 So, you know, have you done it?

02:43:38.000 No.

02:43:40.000 It's interesting.

02:43:41.000 Have you done regular DMT? Once and I didn't get there.

02:43:45.000 Oh. 0.76

02:43:47.000 Which is, as I say it out loud, that's a moronic thing that I haven't done it more.

02:43:52.000 But, it's not that people haven't given it to me.

02:43:54.000 I just, I don't know.

02:43:55.000 I just always want to set aside time. 1.00

02:43:57.000 It's stupid. 0.99

02:43:57.000 I'm going to do it. 0.99

02:43:58.000 It's scary.

02:43:59.000 Yeah, it's scary.

02:43:59.000 It's part of what it is.

02:44:00.000 It's like you disappear.

02:44:01.000 People ask me about mushrooms, because I promote mushrooms a lot.

02:44:04.000 Shroom Fest this year, August 21st to 23rd, it's an excuse to do mushrooms.

02:44:08.000 Anytime.

02:44:08.000 August 21st to 23rd.

02:44:10.000 Or it's a celebration of mushrooms.

02:44:11.000 Celebration of mushrooms.

02:44:12.000 Absolutely.

02:44:13.000 People all over the world are doing it.

02:44:17.000 But people are like, I'm scared.

02:44:19.000 I'm like, I'm scared.

02:44:20.000 Like, what do you mean?

02:44:20.000 How many times have you done it?

02:44:21.000 I'm like, a hundred?

02:44:22.000 They're like, aren't you scared?

02:44:23.000 I'm scared every time.

02:44:24.000 Every time.

02:44:25.000 Every time.

02:44:26.000 Anyway.

02:44:27.000 I've done DMT, I don't know, somewhere less than ten times.

02:44:31.000 Yeah.

02:44:31.000 More than seven, less than ten.

02:44:33.000 I'm not sure.

02:44:34.000 But every time I do it, I'm white knuckled.

02:44:36.000 Really? 0.99

02:44:37.000 Fucking terrified. 0.99

02:44:38.000 Terrified. 0.99

02:44:39.000 Yeah.

02:44:39.000 Terrified.

02:44:40.000 Yeah.

02:44:40.000 Because you can't escape.

02:44:41.000 You're losing control.

02:44:41.000 You can't escape truth.

02:44:42.000 It's taking you where you want.

02:44:43.000 So this guy, they have this familiar who like really loves the- Like a vampire familiar?

02:44:47.000 Like that.

02:44:48.000 That's what I call it, that.

02:44:49.000 So he's not that.

02:44:50.000 He's done ayahuasca in this community.

02:44:54.000 I'm not going to say names, but he's done it there.

02:44:56.000 And he just wants to spread the idea of it.

02:44:58.000 So he finds people, like, hey, come, and we'll do whatever.

02:45:02.000 So he's told me some stories.

02:45:03.000 He goes, his son took it, 19 years old.

02:45:06.000 Oh, let me actually say this one second.

02:45:08.000 They had a Sicario went and did it.

02:45:11.000 Whoa.

02:45:11.000 Hitman.

02:45:12.000 Whoa. 0.93

02:45:13.000 Seeing whatever he's seeing on ayahuasca and just, he said, punching the ground.

02:45:19.000 Screaming.

02:45:20.000 Crying.

02:45:21.000 Because there's all this stress, this trauma to work out.

02:45:26.000 Why?

02:45:27.000 Why?

02:45:28.000 The lives that he's taken has hit him for the first time.

02:45:33.000 And then when he's finished, he comes back.

02:45:34.000 He goes, hey, I'm done with that life.

02:45:36.000 I'm not doing that anymore.

02:45:37.000 They won't let me leave, so I have to disappear.

02:45:40.000 That's a new life now, but I can't go back to it. 1.00

02:45:43.000 Fuck. 1.00

02:45:44.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:45:45.000 Another one was a guy was dating a woman.

02:45:48.000 The guy never wanted kids.

02:45:50.000 The woman did. 0.96

02:45:50.000 It was always a sticking point in their relationship. 0.96

02:45:52.000 They loved each other.

02:45:53.000 It was a sticking point.

02:45:54.000 Every six months or so would pop up.

02:45:57.000 You kind of know these arguments, right?

02:45:58.000 They're never going to go away because it's their butting heads.

02:46:01.000 But then he was like, oh, we're having a great time.

02:46:02.000 Put it back away.

02:46:03.000 Then every six months a year would pop up again.

02:46:06.000 Ayahuasca, he realized on this, he goes, oh, we're just not right for each other.

02:46:12.000 He goes, 10 years later, he and the girl with her new husband and kids are good friends.

02:46:19.000 They're fine.

02:46:20.000 He said his kid, this familiar, 19, took the ayahuasca, was just kind of like, he had no trauma to work out.

02:46:29.000 Wow.

02:46:30.000 Just had a good time.

02:46:32.000 It was interesting.

02:46:33.000 They take you down there.

02:46:34.000 They say, don't eat for a day before.

02:46:37.000 We had a light dinner before.

02:46:40.000 Rice and a banana.

02:46:41.000 Nothing.

02:46:42.000 The morning, nothing.

02:46:43.000 They take you to a waterfall.

02:46:44.000 The waterfall is a spirit of cleansing.

02:46:47.000 These are Kichwa people. 0.99

02:46:49.000 So all waterfalls, but there's one nearby.

02:46:51.000 And so you feel the energy being taken away from you.

02:46:55.000 They say it washes away the bad, keeps the good, and the bad washes away down the river.

02:47:00.000 And then just kind of relax all day till it's sunset, till it's nightfall.

02:47:04.000 He asked us ahead of time, what drugs have you taken?

02:47:06.000 In like a broken Spanish. 1.00

02:47:08.000 My partner's Spanish.

02:47:09.000 I didn't.

02:47:10.000 But broken.

02:47:11.000 His Spanish wasn't that good.

02:47:13.000 What did he speak?

02:47:15.000 What does that sound like?

02:47:18.000 It's different.

02:47:19.000 I don't know.

02:47:20.000 It's not based on any Spanish.

02:47:22.000 They have like a slang, which Spanish has come into it, but there's no written language in Quechua.

02:47:27.000 So anything written down is like, that's in the last hundred years.

02:47:31.000 Wow.

02:47:32.000 You know?

02:47:33.000 My name means yes in Spanish.

02:47:35.000 In Quechua.

02:47:36.000 Ari means yes.

02:47:37.000 Yes!

02:47:37.000 Every time they're like, what's your name?

02:47:38.000 Brody.

02:47:38.000 Like Ari.

02:47:39.000 Think of Brody.

02:47:40.000 Ari? 0.99

02:47:40.000 I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah. 0.99

02:47:41.000 I know.

02:47:42.000 I heard it.

02:47:44.000 So they lead you from a hut that you're staying down.

02:47:46.000 They stop.

02:47:47.000 They go, stop, listen to the insects in the river.

02:47:50.000 He goes, that's going to be amplified soon.

02:47:53.000 Okay.

02:47:54.000 He comes and the woman, the shaman, wears this headdress and she beats you with these leaves and rubs this... 0.96

02:48:02.000 Says whatever chant she says and rubs a stone all over you.

02:48:05.000 Gives you the ayahuasca. 1.00

02:48:06.000 Tastes like fucking ass. 1.00

02:48:08.000 Tastes like whatever's left in this ashtray. 1.00

02:48:10.000 And you just drink it down.

02:48:12.000 They say, your partner is on the other side of the fire.

02:48:14.000 You're on this side of the fire.

02:48:16.000 You don't talk.

02:48:18.000 He's having his trip.

02:48:19.000 You're having your trip.

02:48:20.000 That's it.

02:48:24.000 You might throw up because the ayahuasca doesn't make a trip.

02:48:27.000 The ayahuasca takes everything out of you.

02:48:29.000 And then the Chacruna was the...

02:48:37.000 Oh, it's a different drug.

02:48:38.000 Yeah.

02:48:39.000 So ayahuasca clears you unless a chacruna, in this case, do it. 1.00

02:48:42.000 They showed me where the ayahuasca came from.

02:48:44.000 Planted 80 years before they planted it.

02:48:47.000 So, drank it.

02:48:48.000 I'm laying there on a mat.

02:48:50.000 It's just like a thin, thin mat next to this fire in this like hut hut.

02:48:56.000 I'm a bit worried about like anacondas and jaguars and stuff, but like...

02:49:03.000 So she says, the shaman says, I'm your mother here.

02:49:07.000 The ayahuasca, the root, is your grandmother.

02:49:09.000 My son, who's training to be a shaman, he is your brother.

02:49:13.000 And the fire is your ancestors.

02:49:19.000 So I drank it.

02:49:20.000 He said, stare at the fire for about five minutes, then go lay down.

02:49:23.000 My partner started throwing up.

02:49:25.000 Ten minutes in.

02:49:26.000 Going to the edge.

02:49:27.000 There's two entrances to the thing.

02:49:29.000 Throw it up.

02:49:29.000 I just wasn't coming.

02:49:31.000 It wasn't coming.

02:49:32.000 A little bit of like a light cap and a stem mushroom feel.

02:49:35.000 For about...

02:49:38.000 I don't know, an hour and a half or so.

02:49:39.000 And then I started getting nauseous, but I'm trying to choke it down, like, don't, don't.

02:49:43.000 And then it hit me like, oh, I think I'm supposed to, like, supposed to throw up.

02:49:48.000 So I kind of, like, pitch black, I mean, away from the fire, went to the edge, and then, like, you know how you can, like, sort of, like, and then barfed, like, a little bit, and then just unloaded.

02:50:01.000 I was afraid it would be like retching and retching.

02:50:03.000 It wasn't that.

02:50:04.000 Just like unloaded.

02:50:06.000 And then he's right there, the shaman's like trainee son with a bowl of water.

02:50:11.000 He goes, swish around, don't drink it. 0.97

02:50:14.000 And he goes, are you having visions?

02:50:16.000 Dude, I don't know how he was...

02:50:23.000 I don't know how he was communicating with me, to be honest, because I barely speak Spanish, and he barely speaks Spanish.

02:50:31.000 Enough.

02:50:32.000 I guess.

02:50:34.000 He was like, are you having visions?

02:50:36.000 And I was like, yeah, they're more kind of mental, like mental mushrooms.

02:50:40.000 And he goes, okay, go back, be strong.

02:50:43.000 I don't know how he was conveying this to me.

02:50:47.000 But he was like, okay, go be strong.

02:50:49.000 Go lay down there and you have to be strong.

02:50:53.000 So then it just opened up.

02:50:56.000 So more than an hour and a half in?

02:50:58.000 More than an hour and a half in.

02:51:00.000 Of a seven hour trip.

02:51:01.000 Wow.

02:51:03.000 Yeah, it took a while.

02:51:05.000 The partner was going immediately.

02:51:07.000 But like...

02:51:09.000 I see these, like, fractals and, like, geometric shapes and occasional, like, splashes of...

02:51:16.000 And this is the thatch roof of the hut, right?

02:51:18.000 So nothing's there.

02:51:19.000 And an occasional, like, real splash of, like, vivid neon light And then I started seeing these like orbs kind of like going up into the fractals.

02:51:30.000 And then the more I look forward and back, I'm on my back, the more I look forward, backwards, side to side, there's just hundreds or thousands of these orbs, these small orbs going up into the fractals and just sort of like playing with each other.

02:51:44.000 These orbs, they were kind of like had a life to them.

02:51:48.000 So, like, and then at some point, from me comes this orb and sort of, like, goes up.

02:51:53.000 And then I started examining what the orbs are.

02:51:56.000 So, look, I don't know.

02:51:58.000 I don't know about any of this stuff.

02:52:00.000 But this is just what it gave me.

02:52:02.000 I don't know, you know, same as mushrooms.

02:52:03.000 I don't know if it's just scientific or if it's, like, another realm, whatever.

02:52:07.000 Right.

02:52:08.000 The orbs were, I call it when you pure something, when you pure it.

02:52:16.000 To me, they were moments of pure artistic expression. 0.93

02:52:21.000 You ever have a set or a roll where you're like, I hit every fucking move? 0.89

02:52:29.000 You get in the zone. 0.97

02:52:29.000 In the zone, sure. 0.97

02:52:31.000 You pureed it. 0.97

02:52:32.000 In golf, Jamie, you might know, it's like when you fucking hit one and you're just like fucking up, but you're like, I can't hit the green from here. 0.98

02:52:39.000 You do see it go perfectly and bounce. 0.97

02:52:42.000 And it's just a pure moment Of artistic expression.

02:52:45.000 And generally, when I see that, it makes me cry.

02:52:47.000 When I listen to Nevermind, I tear up.

02:52:52.000 You know?

02:52:52.000 You ever hear that album where you're like, oh, this is...

02:52:54.000 They nailed it.

02:52:55.000 They nailed it.

02:52:58.000 Cigar de Familia in Barcelona.

02:53:00.000 This church that's being built still.

02:53:02.000 It's a 200-year plan to build the perfect church.

02:53:04.000 St. Peter's Basilica in Rome.

02:53:06.000 Okay.

02:53:07.000 And you see it.

02:53:08.000 Stunning.

02:53:08.000 And I went in there and I just started weeping.

02:53:11.000 You started crying.

02:53:11.000 Yeah.

02:53:12.000 It's like, I don't know.

02:53:13.000 It's just like, it's overwhelmingly perfect.

02:53:15.000 It's art.

02:53:16.000 Yeah.

02:53:17.000 Other moments, I was at the, it didn't have to be big moments.

02:53:22.000 It could be small moments.

02:53:23.000 I was at the Haunted Ride at Disney.

02:53:26.000 Back in LA. And I was with some chick, and I was like, some guy was like, right this way, sir.

02:53:33.000 He's playing the role, whatever.

02:53:34.000 And then he left to go greet the next car as we were slowly moving forward.

02:53:39.000 And then I was like, oh, that guy was creepy, right?

02:53:41.000 And then he was back on me, just going, what did you say?

02:53:44.000 Just frightened me.

02:53:45.000 And I'm like, that guy nailed it. 0.97

02:53:46.000 In that moment, we were both fucking jumped. 0.99

02:53:49.000 He fucking nailed it. 0.99

02:53:50.000 He pured it. 0.99

02:53:52.000 And what you want in those moments...

02:53:54.000 You did it, right?

02:53:55.000 You made this thing, and that's the orb.

02:53:57.000 And what you want is to make it, for sure.

02:54:00.000 What you also want is some recognition. 0.95

02:54:03.000 You want someone to say, like, if you hit that golf shot, you look around, like if you're playing by yourself, and somebody in the next seat is like, dude, fucking nice one. 0.88

02:54:10.000 You're like, yes, thank you. 0.94

02:54:11.000 You saw it.

02:54:12.000 You saw it.

02:54:14.000 And so, there's been two things I've gotten that way.

02:54:19.000 Two things that I've had that I'm like, I pured it.

02:54:25.000 One was that storytelling show.

02:54:27.000 This is not happening.

02:54:29.000 I just think it was like...

02:54:32.000 I mean, I don't want to talk about myself, but it was cool.

02:54:36.000 You nailed it.

02:54:36.000 It was a way for other comics to show themselves.

02:54:39.000 No, you did.

02:54:40.000 I can express it for you.

02:54:41.000 You did an amazing thing.

02:54:43.000 And those opening sequences where you'd have these animated fight scenes and shit, they were awesome.

02:54:47.000 They were cool.

02:54:48.000 They just made it cool and fun to watch.

02:54:50.000 And let people go, hey, we're not going to censor you.

02:54:52.000 We want you to do your thing. 0.99

02:54:53.000 Your fucking strip club in the woods story is like these moments that I'm also allowing other people to like. 0.99

02:55:00.000 So I figured out my orbs, what I do is, Make stuff myself and then also give a chance for other people to make theirs. 0.99

02:55:06.000 It's one of my things I like making.

02:55:08.000 You have the same thing.

02:55:09.000 We like having other people make their things.

02:55:11.000 It's one of your art forms is allowing other people to make their art.

02:55:16.000 Another one was this last hour I did.

02:55:18.000 The Jew Hour. 0.94

02:55:20.000 It was good. 1.00

02:55:21.000 It was really fucking... 0.99

02:55:23.000 It was good. 0.99

02:55:24.000 And so it had bothered me at the time.

02:55:26.000 I wasn't able to make it as special.

02:55:28.000 But I was able in that moment to go...

02:55:32.000 But I made it.

02:55:33.000 It was good. 0.98

02:55:34.000 You know, I made a really fucking, really mindful, kind of perfect thing. 0.83

02:55:39.000 And yeah, maybe, whatever happened, like, I wasn't able to make, like, millions of people saw it, but like, thousands of people saw it. 0.85

02:55:46.000 Maybe 150,000 people saw it live, you know?

02:55:49.000 But like, I made it.

02:55:52.000 And I cried hard for that, for this not happening. 0.59

02:55:56.000 Not so much for the loss, but for like, For like when I was able to I was able to step back and go like it's done now I made it and it hit me like oh damn dude that was fucking good and I just kind of said goodbye to it and that orb went up and and played for eternity every time you do something like artistically pure like that and nail it you pure it those things are up there

02:56:26.000 in the heavens in the whatever They're playing with each other.

02:56:32.000 All the forms, the guy at Disney, the guy who made the Basilica, fucking Kurt Cobain, never mind, not Kurt Cobain, never mind, is up there playing with each other, enjoying each other's company forever.

02:56:46.000 And I saw myself in 50 years dead and the orbs are still playing. 0.93

02:56:52.000 And I'm decaying and the orbs are still playing.

02:56:54.000 They'll be there forever.

02:56:56.000 And I was able to sort of like put that behind me and say I'll move on to my next thing because what I want to do is I want to make things.

02:57:05.000 Right?

02:57:05.000 I want to make another orb.

02:57:07.000 And that's kind of all I want to do now.

02:57:10.000 Is just make another thing.

02:57:12.000 And I won't always get there.

02:57:13.000 But even if you fail, even if you're like, ah, that set was still still. 0.96

02:57:16.000 You know it's getting you closer to a fucking perfect set. 0.98

02:57:18.000 And sometimes it's just a 15 minute set at the fucking whatever club. 0.99

02:57:22.000 You know? 1.00

02:57:23.000 Governors or some shit. 0.99

02:57:24.000 Where it's like, oh, I fucking nailed it. 1.00

02:57:25.000 Sometimes it's a 10 minute pop in. 0.96

02:57:27.000 That earthquake thing that I saw at the Ha Ha, that was one.

02:57:31.000 Because there was some kid, some young one-year comic watching that going like, oh my god. 0.97

02:57:36.000 He fucking pured it in that moment. 0.97

02:57:39.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:57:39.000 But you wanted someone to fucking notice it once in a while. 0.99

02:57:42.000 You just, you do. 1.00

02:57:45.000 Cried, let that shit go, and then kind of came back a little bit. 1.00

02:57:49.000 That was probably a two-hour period. 1.00

02:57:53.000 And I was like, oh, fuck, I'm back a little in this wave, you know, still tripping. 0.99

02:57:56.000 And I was like, oh. 0.99

02:57:59.000 Okay, the fire's there.

02:58:00.000 I remember the shaman, she was like, well, that's their ancestors.

02:58:04.000 So I was like, let me see if I can...

02:58:09.000 Talk to the dead.

02:58:11.000 So I was like, my grandma, I'll talk to her.

02:58:15.000 So I went and I stared at the fire, like a log, like a, you know, chopped up log seat, you know.

02:58:22.000 I sat in it and stared.

02:58:24.000 I couldn't get her, my grandma.

02:58:27.000 I tried and tried, but I couldn't get her. 0.99

02:58:29.000 And then I was like my softer from fucking, my dad's mom from Israel, from Pertifo, who ran the family. 0.99

02:58:36.000 She'll have wisdom. 0.99

02:58:38.000 And I was like, stare at that fire.

02:58:40.000 And I just, I couldn't get her.

02:58:43.000 Both my grandfathers, I wasn't even close to getting them.

02:58:46.000 And then I was like, huh, maybe there's a bust.

02:58:50.000 But, but then I go, let me try Mitzi.

02:58:56.000 Wow.

02:58:57.000 Yeah.

02:58:59.000 And, I mean, I got her.

02:59:05.000 And I talked to her.

02:59:06.000 Whoa.

02:59:11.000 So I didn't know what to ask her at first.

02:59:14.000 So I was like, I mean she was there.

02:59:17.000 I wasn't seeing her, I was just in my brain talking to her.

02:59:21.000 And she's like, what?

02:59:23.000 And I'm like, you know her, right?

02:59:27.000 And so I'm like, what do I ask her?

02:59:29.000 So I was like, First I thought, like, what's the meaning of life?

02:59:35.000 Or do you have any life advice? 1.00

02:59:36.000 And I was like, a fucking idiot. 1.00

02:59:38.000 So broad, you know? 1.00

02:59:40.000 And then I was like, maybe I'll ask, like, what do you think of me?

02:59:45.000 What I became?

02:59:46.000 But I was like, that's selfish. 1.00

02:59:48.000 It's dumb and selfish. 0.98

02:59:51.000 And so then I was like, So I was like, Mitzi, what you made, the comedy store, it was a place for me, Renizzisi, Duncan, and we were like lost souls. 0.99

03:00:07.000 Simone calls it the Island of Misfit Toys.

03:00:09.000 That's what she called it.

03:00:10.000 That's what she called it?

03:00:11.000 Yeah.

03:00:12.000 Okay.

03:00:13.000 And I was like, this thing you made.

03:00:18.000 It hit me like that was her orb and she pured it.

03:00:22.000 I mean, people in Kansas know about that place.

03:00:27.000 It wasn't just a great place to go watch a show.

03:00:30.000 It wasn't just that it was a good place for comics to show up and find each other.

03:00:35.000 It was also she was making...

03:00:38.000 Her own orbs.

03:00:40.000 The store was her orb, and we were the result of it.

03:00:44.000 So my career was one of her orbs.

03:00:47.000 That's why she always said, when comics came in already developed, she goes, I'll use them, but what am I going to do with them?

03:00:53.000 I was like, wouldn't you work a really good comic?

03:00:56.000 She goes, I didn't make them.

03:01:00.000 And I realized what I wanted, and I realized then what she wanted.

03:01:05.000 And I was like, hey, Mitzi, I see what you made.

03:01:07.000 And I saw it.

03:01:08.000 I saw your shot.

03:01:10.000 And you nailed it.

03:01:13.000 Like, you nailed it.

03:01:15.000 And, yeah, she said she appreciated it, you know?

03:01:25.000 And then it hit me, like, all the time she was...

03:01:29.000 I had a showcase once.

03:01:30.000 I mean, I showcased a lot there.

03:01:31.000 And she was, no, no, no.

03:01:34.000 And there was once where, I mean, I crushed.

03:01:37.000 It was a crushing showcase, number 26 or something like that.

03:01:41.000 I went to go drive her home.

03:01:43.000 And I was like, Freddie was there. 0.98

03:01:46.000 I was like, already fucking crushed tonight, huh? 0.96

03:01:47.000 And she goes, you're almost ready. 0.98

03:01:51.000 It drove me crazy at the time.

03:01:54.000 But right then, I didn't understand until then what she meant by, you're not ready yet.

03:02:00.000 You're almost ready. 0.99

03:02:03.000 What she meant was, this business, in a lot of ways, sucks. 1.00

03:02:08.000 And the shit they're going to throw at you is debilitating. 1.00

03:02:14.000 To have like... 1.00

03:02:17.000 To be blackmailed into leaving your own show by people you know.

03:02:24.000 To have people turn against you publicly, you know?

03:02:27.000 And it's just like You wouldn't be able to deal with it, except for her toughening you up.

03:02:36.000 The drill sergeant metaphor.

03:02:39.000 You can't just go to war.

03:02:41.000 You need somebody beating you down first.

03:02:43.000 And she beat me down. 0.91

03:02:45.000 And when she's saying you're almost ready, she means if I send you out into the world now, you will bury yourself under this.

03:02:55.000 You will not survive this business.

03:02:58.000 You will not be able to go out and make new things.

03:03:01.000 You'll quit.

03:03:03.000 For sure you'll quit.

03:03:06.000 And I don't think she was wrong.

03:03:07.000 And it hit me, and my mouth was just a gape. 1.00

03:03:13.000 Like, realizing what she had done to me and for me, and I was just staring at the fire, and just out loud, just go, you fucking bitch. 1.00

03:03:30.000 Like, are you, oh my god. 0.99

03:03:38.000 And I mean, I was just like, I mean, thank you for helping me survive this.

03:03:45.000 I'm 20 years in now, and I wouldn't have made it past any, like, you're not good enough for Montreal, you're not, it would have all crushed me too hard.

03:03:54.000 But she crushed me so hard that none of this, it doesn't seem like a lot to be like, you're not a paid regular, who cares, based on what we have now.

03:04:01.000 But it meant, the level of what it meant was as big as anything was.

03:04:08.000 And so then it hit me like one of my types of art is not just my things.

03:04:15.000 On This Is Not Happening, I had some good stories.

03:04:17.000 None of those were orbs for me.

03:04:21.000 I had good stories.

03:04:22.000 None of those were perfect expressions.

03:04:24.000 The show itself was.

03:04:27.000 And one of the ways was it got to elevate these other people and allowed them to make orbs.

03:04:31.000 Sean Patton doing his Cuman story on This Not Happening or Ali Sadiq with Messing Out on Boots, which is like my favorite one of all time.

03:04:39.000 Miss Pat, Kate Willett, Bert, Stigur, you with that strip club story.

03:04:44.000 It's like these were like really – somebody just told me the other day.

03:04:48.000 It was like I saw that Rogan strip club story.

03:04:49.000 It was crazy.

03:04:50.000 I'm like, yes.

03:04:51.000 So that feeling of like I helped with that.

03:04:54.000 I take a credit for that.

03:04:56.000 I don't mind taking, not all the credit, but like, I wanted to make this thing to allow people to come up.

03:05:02.000 So then I'm like, should I be difficult on people the way Mitzi was?

03:05:06.000 Should I be mean?

03:05:10.000 But then it's like, she was like, no.

03:05:14.000 She goes, oh, that's mine.

03:05:17.000 She was like, that's my way.

03:05:19.000 It's not your way.

03:05:20.000 Dude, this was wild.

03:05:22.000 It was a full conversation.

03:05:25.000 And so she's like, that's my way to get them going.

03:05:28.000 You have your own way to get them going.

03:05:30.000 The way Ozzy says the Beatles were one of his biggest influences, where I'm like, your music is nothing alike.

03:05:36.000 There are different ways of getting to the same thing.

03:05:38.000 Well, you like Earthquake, your comedy's not like his.

03:05:42.000 So then it's like...

03:05:45.000 Continue doing that.

03:05:47.000 Make orbs.

03:05:48.000 Anybody that got in your way before, it's okay.

03:05:51.000 Whatever. 0.96

03:05:51.000 Cut them out. 0.96

03:05:52.000 Getting revenge is not going to help you in any way.

03:05:55.000 Getting back to them is not going to help you in any way.

03:05:57.000 It's going to delay you from making a new great thing.

03:06:02.000 And it was...

03:06:06.000 It's just a freeing thing.

03:06:09.000 I felt like I got to work it out with her.

03:06:12.000 This woman who, more than a lot of people, I was so tied in with her.

03:06:20.000 She was like a mother slash grandmother.

03:06:22.000 We all were.

03:06:23.000 Yeah.

03:06:24.000 The most important figure in the history of comedy that's not a comedian.

03:06:28.000 Yeah.

03:06:29.000 Gave us the ability to be free.

03:06:31.000 Don't do it my way.

03:06:32.000 Do it your way. 1.00

03:06:32.000 If you suck, I'm going to tell you to your face. 1.00

03:06:35.000 But she did have moments of like, yellow suit. 1.00

03:06:38.000 She had some crazy shit. 1.00

03:06:40.000 And when she's saying that, yeah. 1.00

03:06:41.000 All she's really saying is, I don't fucking know. 0.95

03:06:43.000 How about this? 0.98

03:06:44.000 Figure it out is my point.

03:06:46.000 Right, right, right.

03:06:46.000 And some of what she did by passing awful people while I was being driven.

03:06:52.000 Him?

03:06:52.000 He gets to do spots?

03:06:54.000 She passed people that had no talent.

03:06:57.000 None.

03:06:58.000 It was wild.

03:06:59.000 Yeah.

03:06:59.000 So you know what that did?

03:07:01.000 What?

03:07:01.000 That made me work harder.

03:07:04.000 What was she thinking with them, though?

03:07:06.000 I think what she was thinking is maybe there's a spark there that might come.

03:07:11.000 When I started opening for you, I wasn't that good.

03:07:14.000 You saw something in me.

03:07:16.000 I got laughs, but I wasn't like a developed.

03:07:18.000 It was easy.

03:07:19.000 No, you're selling yourself short.

03:07:21.000 It was like you watching that.

03:07:23.000 No, no, no.

03:07:23.000 There was something there.

03:07:24.000 Yeah, maybe if I was watching that, if it wasn't me.

03:07:26.000 But you were a smart guy who had good points and you loved comedy.

03:07:31.000 And I needed to develop a little more.

03:07:32.000 Yeah.

03:07:32.000 So you saw that spark and you're like, let me help this flourish.

03:07:35.000 Let me give it water and sun. 0.96

03:07:37.000 Yeah, my approach is very different than Mitzi's.

03:07:39.000 Yeah, but you always, but it was also quite similar when he was like, figure it out.

03:07:44.000 I'm not going to tell you anything of what to do.

03:07:47.000 Don't be not dirty.

03:07:48.000 Do be dirty.

03:07:49.000 Don't be dirty.

03:07:50.000 I don't care.

03:07:50.000 Right.

03:07:51.000 Crush.

03:07:52.000 I told you this a bunch of times.

03:07:53.000 I did 45 minutes at the Denver Comedy Works one time.

03:07:56.000 Didn't realize until Red Ben was like, hey, look at the tape, dude.

03:07:58.000 And I apologized.

03:07:59.000 It didn't matter.

03:08:00.000 I crushed after you.

03:08:01.000 I'm like, no, no, but that was way too much.

03:08:03.000 And he goes...

03:08:04.000 Listen to me.

03:08:05.000 It didn't matter.

03:08:07.000 You crushed.

03:08:08.000 I crushed.

03:08:09.000 There's no apology here.

03:08:10.000 That was great.

03:08:11.000 I didn't do it anymore.

03:08:12.000 But, like, the point was, like, figure it out, man.

03:08:15.000 I'm here to support you. 1.00

03:08:16.000 So that kind of shit. 1.00

03:08:18.000 Well, remember when I would get you so high you didn't know what you were saying? 1.00

03:08:20.000 Goddamn. 0.99

03:08:21.000 That was not in my best interest. 1.00

03:08:23.000 That was you being the devil. 0.99

03:08:27.000 That was you being the devil. 0.98

03:08:28.000 That was one of my favorite things to do was to take you into deep water.

03:08:31.000 Yeah. 0.93

03:08:33.000 You told me in Boston, you were like, I said something about how gross the Boston girls are. 1.00

03:08:37.000 Like, Jewish girls are ugly, but Boston girls are like, clear. 1.00

03:08:40.000 I forget what the joke was. 1.00

03:08:41.000 You're like, say that, say that.

03:08:42.000 And I said it, and they were all like, they were all so mad, and you were laughing.

03:08:46.000 You were my audience of one, and they were the audience of 400. But, hey, listen, I thought it was funny.

03:08:52.000 You thought it was funny, so we did it.

03:08:52.000 Well, I told you, no matter what, you can't get fired.

03:08:54.000 I can't get fired.

03:08:55.000 So you freed me.

03:08:56.000 She freed us.

03:08:58.000 So when she passed, I'm not going to say any names, but you can picture seven people, ten people in your head.

03:09:02.000 It drove us way harder to work harder.

03:09:06.000 I said thank you.

03:09:07.000 I worked it out with her.

03:09:08.000 Led her back to the world that she's in.

03:09:14.000 What do you think that is?

03:09:15.000 Do you think you were really talking to her spirit?

03:09:17.000 Or do you think you were talking to the love that you had for her?

03:09:21.000 I am aware of what it would sound like to say this, but the next day when I was going over it and I was explaining it, my partner and I were talking about our different experiences, vastly different.

03:09:39.000 I know what it sounds like, but I talked to her, man. 0.97

03:09:43.000 I talked to her, and she appreciated the fucking attaboy. 0.98

03:09:46.000 She appreciated somebody seeing that what she did was good. 0.99

03:09:49.000 And I told Peter, I ran into Peter recently, randomly at the Apple Store in fucking New York. 0.99

03:09:54.000 Peter Shore? 0.99

03:09:55.000 Yeah.

03:09:56.000 Randomly?

03:09:56.000 Haven't seen him in 15 years.

03:09:58.000 Wow.

03:09:58.000 So I told the story to two other people, Simone and Renazizi.

03:10:02.000 That was it.

03:10:04.000 And then Peter, and now you.

03:10:09.000 I'm a partner.

03:10:10.000 But I told him that, and he goes, that's interesting, because she always kind of felt like when people referenced her, they didn't give her credit for the help.

03:10:20.000 They would say so-and-so, here or there, and let him be like, oh, Mitzi, remember her, whatever, how's she doing?

03:10:23.000 But she didn't feel like she ever got the, thank you for giving up your life to do this for us.

03:10:30.000 We know you didn't have a normal life, and you helped us be this thing.

03:10:34.000 And Yeah, man, I talked to her.

03:10:37.000 She was there and I talked to her.

03:10:39.000 For sure.

03:10:44.000 So, eventually was like, I'm ready to go.

03:10:48.000 Went to my hut.

03:10:50.000 Six in the morning, go take a cold shower. 0.96

03:10:53.000 And then don't eat pork or have sex for eight days. 1.00

03:10:57.000 Fuck that. 1.00

03:10:59.000 I talked to her, man. 1.00

03:11:00.000 She appreciated it.

03:11:01.000 I'm sure you did.

03:11:03.000 I mean, whether you did or you didn't, you still did.

03:11:06.000 You know, I made it a point to my 2018 special, Strange Times.

03:11:17.000 And I was like, I felt like at that point, like after Triggered, it was like the first time I felt like I'm a legit World-class comic.

03:11:31.000 World-class.

03:11:31.000 I'm real now.

03:11:32.000 Yeah.

03:11:32.000 Everybody knows her as a comic.

03:11:34.000 And, you know, it was right after she had died.

03:11:38.000 And there was no way I wasn't going to thank her.

03:11:43.000 So you put it on there?

03:11:45.000 Yeah, it was in loving memory of Pitsy Shore.

03:11:48.000 In that studio in LA, Taylor Bose made me a picture of her painting.

03:11:56.000 It was always in that studio.

03:11:57.000 It's still there.

03:11:57.000 I gotta go back and get it.

03:11:59.000 I'm going back next month just to get a bunch of shit out of there, and that's one of the things I'm getting out of here.

03:12:03.000 I'm gonna put it up in here somewhere. 0.60

03:12:06.000 When you got there, you weren't...

03:12:09.000 You were a headliner.

03:12:11.000 I wasn't a beginner.

03:12:12.000 You weren't a beginner, but you definitely weren't here.

03:12:15.000 No, no, no, no.

03:12:17.000 She helped me tremendously.

03:12:19.000 Dude, I always knew I was going there.

03:12:22.000 That's what's crazy.

03:12:25.000 I swear to God, from the first time I ever got on stage, when I decided I was going to be a comic, it was like after the first time I ever got on stage.

03:12:32.000 Like, I thought about doing it.

03:12:33.000 I had to try it.

03:12:34.000 Let's see what it's like.

03:12:35.000 And after I did it the first time, I was like, this is what I do.

03:12:38.000 I'm a comedian now.

03:12:40.000 And I remember thinking, I gotta get to the Comedy Store.

03:12:45.000 It was like...

03:12:46.000 It was Mecca.

03:12:47.000 It was Mecca.

03:12:48.000 It was a religious call.

03:12:49.000 I mean, if there was anything like that in my life, that was it. 0.98

03:12:52.000 When I came out to Hollywood, I didn't give a fuck about that TV show. 1.00

03:12:55.000 It was on that stupid baseball show. 1.00

03:12:56.000 I didn't give a fuck about that. 1.00

03:12:58.000 All I was thinking is, like, I gotta get to the Comedy Store. 0.98

03:13:01.000 And the comedy store was terrible.

03:13:02.000 It was terrible.

03:13:03.000 It was terrible.

03:13:03.000 There was a bunch of Bodax, and there was all these people that she passed that were like, I'm telling you, talentless.

03:13:10.000 And this is not a knock on them, and I would never name any names, but these people just weren't...

03:13:14.000 They would bomb, and they would bomb with impossible comedy.

03:13:18.000 Was she not there every day anymore at that point?

03:13:20.000 She was there occasionally.

03:13:21.000 She wasn't there every day.

03:13:22.000 She was losing her grip on everything.

03:13:24.000 Yeah, she had problems, but she could still tell you what you were doing wrong and doing right.

03:13:27.000 Yeah.

03:13:30.000 She passed me as a non-paid regular after my first audition.

03:13:33.000 She let me go up at the end of the show.

03:13:36.000 And I was there every night.

03:13:38.000 I didn't have any friends.

03:13:39.000 I didn't know anybody.

03:13:40.000 How much did that alter the course of your comedic career?

03:13:43.000 It's huge.

03:13:44.000 Everything.

03:13:45.000 Everything. 0.99

03:13:45.000 Who knows what kind of bullshit act I would have had if I didn't run into Mitzi, if I didn't get passed at the store. 0.99

03:13:52.000 But the moment I passed... 0.98

03:13:57.000 One of the reasons why she passed me is a trick that we all used to do.

03:14:01.000 I learned from the Todd.

03:14:02.000 The Todd who was on Pauly Shore's show on MTV. His name was The Todd.

03:14:08.000 And he would sit in the back of the room when someone was...

03:14:14.000 And he did it for me.

03:14:15.000 And he goes, you're going to do this for somebody else someday.

03:14:18.000 And he would sat next to Mitzi while Mitzi watched me.

03:14:21.000 And he would laugh hard.

03:14:21.000 And he'd laugh really hard.

03:14:23.000 I went up there and I did my set.

03:14:24.000 And he'd laugh really hard.

03:14:26.000 And then Mitzi just grabbed my arm. 0.99

03:14:29.000 She goes, you're really funny.

03:14:33.000 Wow.

03:14:34.000 She's like, call in for spots. 0.90

03:14:36.000 And that's a woman who saw Pryor and Kinison.

03:14:40.000 She goes, call in for spots. 0.85

03:14:42.000 You're a paid regular.

03:14:44.000 Wow.

03:14:47.000 That was more important to me than any TV show.

03:14:52.000 The TV show was just a lot of money.

03:14:54.000 I was like, ooh, I got all this money.

03:14:55.000 You don't have to think about things.

03:14:57.000 Yeah, but who cares about it?

03:14:57.000 But that was how I thought about it.

03:14:59.000 The TV show was like, ooh, I'm going to get all this money.

03:15:02.000 Like, ooh, I can buy an apartment. 0.99

03:15:03.000 I can fucking buy food. 0.98

03:15:05.000 I can get a nice car. 0.99

03:15:06.000 That's right, but you weren't thinking about the show.

03:15:07.000 You were thinking about the money.

03:15:08.000 Yeah, right.

03:15:09.000 I mean, it was cool to be on a TV show.

03:15:11.000 I'm not going to lie about that, but it wasn't the thing.

03:15:14.000 I couldn't sleep that night.

03:15:15.000 Really? 0.99

03:15:16.000 I was like, holy shit. 1.00

03:15:17.000 Yeah, I was like, I'm a paid regular. 0.99

03:15:19.000 Like, I'm a real comedian.

03:15:20.000 I'm a real comedian.

03:15:22.000 I'm a real comedian.

03:15:23.000 I'm at the store.

03:15:24.000 I'm a real comedian.

03:15:25.000 I'm at the comedy store.

03:15:26.000 Even though the comedy store is filled with It was just like every now and then Damon Wayans would show up or Martin Lawrence would show up or Dom Herrera or Dice.

03:15:34.000 They would come in and kill and you would see real comedy. 1.00

03:15:37.000 But then you'd see a lot of dog shit. 1.00

03:15:40.000 But it didn't matter. 0.99

03:15:41.000 I was getting up and it was better that way because it was like if I came there in like 2016 when I had come back for two years and it was packed every night.

03:15:50.000 Yeah, we disagree on this.

03:15:51.000 You say it's an amazing time, that last time, you know?

03:15:53.000 It was amazing for me.

03:15:54.000 Yeah, but my favorite was 2000 to 2010. When no one was there.

03:15:59.000 When no one was there. 0.99

03:16:00.000 He'd really develop and crush and be like, fuck, this will do nothing for me. 0.99

03:16:03.000 Yeah. 1.00

03:16:04.000 Except make you a bit stronger every time.

03:16:05.000 It made you stronger, and there was a lot of hostility back then, though, especially the early 2000s.

03:16:12.000 There was so much bitterness.

03:16:14.000 There were so many comedians that didn't like other comedians.

03:16:17.000 There was a lot of people that were just so angry that other people were making it.

03:16:21.000 They were so angry that other people got television shows and it was still the remnants of the 90s where everybody was just trying to get on a sitcom and when somebody else got on a sitcom, the other comics, especially the mediocre ones, they took it like you took something from them.

03:16:37.000 They weren't even up for it.

03:16:38.000 It was crazy.

03:16:39.000 It was like your success somehow or another diminished them.

03:16:42.000 It was really weird.

03:16:42.000 We saw that from underneath it as a door guy.

03:16:45.000 We saw that like, what's going on up there?

03:16:46.000 Yeah. 0.97

03:16:47.000 Well, you also saw that those people were shitty to door guys. 0.80

03:16:50.000 Those people that had those attitudes, they were- A lot of them. 0.89

03:16:53.000 Yeah, they weren't kind.

03:16:54.000 They weren't like, they weren't a brotherhood or a sisterhood.

03:16:57.000 They were looking at everybody like, Yeah well like they weren't getting what they deserve they had this thought that they wouldn't they weren't getting the recognition that they deserved and that's why when established people would come there and Mitzi would go get rid of her Get rid of them.

03:17:13.000 Like, they would be so hurt.

03:17:15.000 She was brutal. 0.99

03:17:16.000 Brutal.

03:17:16.000 You'd have someone who was on a sitcom who was doing really well, and they would go up there and do five solid minutes of stand-up.

03:17:22.000 Like, where I would say, hey, she's pretty good.

03:17:25.000 That's good comedy.

03:17:26.000 Get rid of her. 0.92

03:17:27.000 I've heard it all before. 0.99

03:17:29.000 Get rid of her. 0.92

03:17:30.000 And you'd be like, what? 1.00

03:17:31.000 Yeah, fuck off. 1.00

03:17:31.000 And then someone would go on after that person who she had passed who was dog shit. 1.00

03:17:36.000 And she didn't care. 0.99

03:17:37.000 She'd leave the room.

03:17:38.000 And they'd be like, what is this? 0.99

03:17:40.000 What the fuck is this? 0.99

03:17:42.000 She didn't care. 1.00

03:17:43.000 She was just crazy.

03:17:44.000 But after things had gone really well for me, and after I was doing really well, I remember her and I had a conversation.

03:17:52.000 We're sitting in the back of the room, and again, she wasn't doing so well.

03:17:55.000 She was kind of shaking a lot.

03:17:56.000 And she put her hand on my arm, and she was talking to me.

03:18:03.000 And I was just thanking her for everything.

03:18:08.000 And, you know, I just told her that I would have never been the comic that I am without you.

03:18:17.000 And you just knew what to do.

03:18:21.000 You knew what to tell me.

03:18:22.000 You were always right.

03:18:24.000 Your criticisms were always valid.

03:18:26.000 And you always gave me hard spots.

03:18:29.000 You always gave me hard spots.

03:18:31.000 I was always going after Martin Lawrence.

03:18:33.000 Can you just give me a better spot?

03:18:35.000 No, I didn't deserve those spots.

03:18:37.000 I deserved the spots I got.

03:18:38.000 It was perfect.

03:18:40.000 You know, I wanted a good spot.

03:18:42.000 I wanted to go on before them where I didn't have to deal with the pressure, but it made me better.

03:18:46.000 And then she looked at me and she goes, I always know where to put you.

03:18:51.000 She had like a big smile.

03:18:53.000 She's like, I always know where to put you.

03:18:56.000 I thought it was fun.

03:18:57.000 Fun to watch me suffer.

03:18:59.000 It was fun, but you knew that was what you needed.

03:19:03.000 You needed to go on after heavy artillery, big guns.

03:19:08.000 And in 1994, there was no bigger gun than Martin Lawrence, man.

03:19:12.000 Jesus Christ.

03:19:13.000 Oh, that was his height.

03:19:13.000 That was like the Uso Crazy days.

03:19:15.000 It was a leather outfit.

03:19:16.000 Oh my god, dude. 0.98

03:19:17.000 He would murder. 0.85

03:19:19.000 Like, people forgot. 0.98

03:19:21.000 He's follow that.

03:19:21.000 Like, historically underappreciated.

03:19:24.000 Martin Lawrence was one of the most historically underappreciated guys ever.

03:19:26.000 Because, you know, he had a little bit of a time where he lost himself a little bit.

03:19:30.000 Yeah.

03:19:30.000 Remember he got arrested wearing a wetsuit with a gun and just, like, running down the street.

03:19:34.000 Dehydration.

03:19:35.000 Yeah, it was dehydrated.

03:19:35.000 As the publicist said.

03:19:36.000 Yeah.

03:19:37.000 Um...

03:19:37.000 But before that, man, I'll tell you, those 90s, man.

03:19:41.000 And you followed them all. 0.99

03:19:43.000 Every fucking time. 1.00

03:19:44.000 Anytime anybody was good. 0.99

03:19:46.000 Did you figure out how to do it eventually?

03:19:47.000 Yeah, kinda.

03:19:48.000 I mean, I just had to get better.

03:19:50.000 I had to get better.

03:19:51.000 I had to get tighter.

03:19:51.000 I had to come out of the gate better.

03:19:53.000 I had to make fun of myself.

03:19:53.000 I had to figure out a way to make fun of the fact that everybody was leaving.

03:19:57.000 You know, I had to make fun of them.

03:19:59.000 Because I would go on stage and three quarters of the main room would just get up and leave.

03:20:02.000 And yeah, in the first two minutes, you're like, yeah.

03:20:04.000 Talking on the way out.

03:20:06.000 Where's your car?

03:20:07.000 They saw Martin.

03:20:09.000 The show was done.

03:20:11.000 Martin was doing a long set, too.

03:20:12.000 It wasn't a short set.

03:20:13.000 He was killing.

03:20:14.000 That had to prepare you for following Diaz later.

03:20:19.000 That's almost your comfort zone.

03:20:20.000 I tell people, you're definitely a product of Boston comedy. 0.98

03:20:24.000 Murderers. 1.00

03:20:25.000 Follow murderers. 1.00

03:20:27.000 Fuck, you're fucked, fucked. 1.00

03:20:29.000 This had to prepare you for... 1.00

03:20:30.000 It's almost like your safe space is to follow a killer.

03:20:32.000 It made me understand that that was important to do and that that's how you got better.

03:20:37.000 Because the whole thing was always getting better.

03:20:38.000 It's not just a show that night.

03:20:40.000 Like, do a good show that night.

03:20:41.000 If I did a good show that night, then I'd want someone who's mediocre so I could come in, back clean up, and make everybody look like I'm the hero.

03:20:48.000 Which we know a lot of comics do.

03:20:50.000 There's a lot of comics that bring really mediocre acts.

03:20:53.000 Not because they want to help them, because they don't want anybody to shine.

03:20:56.000 They want to be the only guy that stands out on the show.

03:20:59.000 But I took Diaz on the road he wants to Rascals.

03:21:02.000 And Diaz was loose as a goose and murdered. 1.00

03:21:06.000 I mean, he fucking murdered. 1.00

03:21:08.000 And I remember I had a really tough time following him. 0.99

03:21:10.000 And I remember this.

03:21:11.000 This is like 96, 97, something like that.

03:21:15.000 And I remember thinking to myself, this is good.

03:21:18.000 I need to take him with me everywhere.

03:21:20.000 That's what I remember thinking. 1.00

03:21:21.000 Like, this motherfucker is so good. 0.99

03:21:23.000 He's so fun. 0.99

03:21:23.000 When he gets loose, that was like when Diaz was just finding himself. 0.99

03:21:27.000 Because Diaz, for a while, there was like a year or two where Diaz was not...

03:21:31.000 He was trying to be something?

03:21:32.000 He was trying to get recognized by agents.

03:21:35.000 He wanted to be in a movie.

03:21:36.000 He wanted to be in a sitcom.

03:21:37.000 He thought that's how it was going to happen.

03:21:38.000 And then somewhere along the line, he just sort of accepted the fact that he likes to do drugs.

03:21:44.000 He likes to get crazy. 0.51

03:21:46.000 He was living with a stripper. 0.98

03:21:48.000 It was madness. 1.00

03:21:49.000 He was a crazy person. 1.00

03:21:50.000 And he realized, like, fuck it. 1.00

03:21:52.000 This is who I am. 1.00

03:21:53.000 And he went on stage and talked to us, talked to the people on stage the way he would talk to us in the parking lot.

03:21:58.000 He was the most like himself on stage.

03:22:00.000 Pauly was second most, to be honest.

03:22:02.000 It was weird, but no change.

03:22:04.000 Yeah.

03:22:05.000 Well, you know, he grew up there.

03:22:07.000 He figured out how to be himself there.

03:22:08.000 But Diaz was that.

03:22:09.000 Yeah, he figured out how to do that, but it was so hard to follow that.

03:22:12.000 Isn't it funny, though? 1.00

03:22:13.000 He was like, all right, fuck these movies and shit, I'll do it. 1.00

03:22:15.000 And now he's doing the Sopranos movie. 1.00

03:22:17.000 He went the other way and got to the same point.

03:22:19.000 Yeah, he went the other way.

03:22:21.000 It's like he became mainstream by going totally underground.

03:22:25.000 Yeah.

03:22:26.000 But also because the other people elevated his signal.

03:22:29.000 You know, like Joey became popular because of the love of his peers.

03:22:35.000 Like that's a big part of Joey.

03:22:37.000 Joey didn't become popular from a television show.

03:22:39.000 He didn't become popular from a movie.

03:22:40.000 He became popular from us.

03:22:41.000 Everybody talking about him.

03:22:43.000 Yeah, all of us.

03:22:44.000 Tom, you, Bert, me, Duncan, everybody just talking about crazy moments that they had with Joey.

03:22:50.000 Yeah.

03:22:51.000 Yeah.

03:22:55.000 We got real lucky, Ari Shafir.

03:22:56.000 We did get very lucky.

03:22:57.000 We got very lucky.

03:22:58.000 When I found that place, I don't know if it's fate or...

03:23:01.000 I didn't know about it when I found it.

03:23:03.000 I was looking for the Laugh Factory.

03:23:06.000 Legitimately, I passed by there.

03:23:07.000 I'm like, oh, I'll apply there too.

03:23:09.000 Duncan hired me.

03:23:10.000 Duncan trained me.

03:23:11.000 He didn't hire me.

03:23:12.000 That's hilarious.

03:23:13.000 Duncan and I became friends when he was the guy who would answer the phone to give you the dates.

03:23:17.000 I would call him up and I'd say, hey man, I'm in town Tuesday through Friday.

03:23:20.000 And they're like, hey dude, I was reading this thing, and we'd have these crazy conversations for like fucking hours. 0.81

03:23:25.000 Phones ringing, not being answered. 0.97

03:23:26.000 Hold on, man.

03:23:26.000 Someone's calling.

03:23:27.000 Hold on.

03:23:28.000 And he would go on hold, and I'd just be, you know, I was a single guy.

03:23:31.000 Living at home with my feet up on my desk, talking and dunking on the phone.

03:23:34.000 And I had a headset back then with a cord.

03:23:36.000 You plug a cord into the bottom of the headset, and I had this like, I was a secretary.

03:23:40.000 So that's one of the things you did, is make it so you could find each other.

03:23:43.000 Yeah, she made it so that we could find each other and my thing was always from martial arts You need a team you need training partners you need every you need people that are really good around you to inspire you and you need The people that are learning you need to help them because they're gonna get better and that'll make you better So my thought was that with everybody like door guys and parking lot attendants everybody was just us It was all the same.

03:24:10.000 The store specifically has a lineage of door guys to Kinison.

03:24:16.000 He was a door guy.

03:24:17.000 Bobby Lee was a door guy.

03:24:18.000 Me, Ren and Zizi were door guys.

03:24:20.000 And then it's like, oh, so they're like, Duncan.

03:24:22.000 So it's like, oh, these are all the same.

03:24:25.000 So when you see a door guy, you're like, that's just me earlier.

03:24:27.000 It's not like, what are you, a waiter?

03:24:28.000 It's not that.

03:24:29.000 It's not that.

03:24:29.000 Some comics didn't have that feeling with those people, and it drove me nuts, man.

03:24:34.000 I used to get really upset when I'd see comics being dismissive of door guys, or not giving them a pound, or not shaking hands, not saying, what's up?

03:24:43.000 What's up, guys?

03:24:44.000 What's up?

03:24:44.000 How you guys doing?

03:24:46.000 It's all love in that place.

03:24:48.000 And it's like, yeah, you're just a lesser-developed comic.

03:24:50.000 Exactly.

03:24:51.000 We're all the same thing.

03:24:52.000 Well, you've been doing comedy a year, you've been doing comedy.

03:24:54.000 That would always drive me crazy, too.

03:24:55.000 Someone would say, that's not a comic.

03:24:57.000 You're a comic when you get paid.

03:24:58.000 You're a comic when you're on TV. You're a comic when you do this.

03:25:00.000 You're a comic when you do that.

03:25:02.000 No, no, no.

03:25:02.000 No, you're a comic.

03:25:03.000 You're bleeding.

03:25:04.000 You're already bleeding.

03:25:05.000 Right.

03:25:05.000 Of course you're a comic.

03:25:06.000 You're a comic.

03:25:06.000 If you are a white belt, you're a martial artist.

03:25:09.000 If you're trying to do comedy, you're a comic.

03:25:15.000 Doesn't mean you're great.

03:25:17.000 You're a comic, though.

03:25:19.000 And that's how I've always looked at it. 0.99

03:25:21.000 I've always looked at it like we're all on this fucking wacky ride together. 0.98

03:25:24.000 Yeah. 0.99

03:25:25.000 And that lady was the captain of the ship. 1.00

03:25:28.000 She made the whole thing different.

03:25:30.000 She changed what a comedy club was.

03:25:32.000 There was no other comedy club like that.

03:25:33.000 Every other comedy club, you were working there, there was an opener, a middle, and a headliner.

03:25:38.000 You did your time, you didn't go over, you got your money, and you said thank you, and you got out of there.

03:25:44.000 And they didn't give you any advice.

03:25:45.000 If they did, it was terrible.

03:25:47.000 She never got rid of drugs? 1.00

03:25:49.000 She embraced it as part of the world?

03:25:52.000 She did drugs. 0.99

03:25:53.000 I started a staff meeting once.

03:25:55.000 She was talking about how we all get paid in checks now. 0.96

03:25:57.000 She goes, you know, it used to be, in the old days, I would give them their $25, and the Coke dealers were there, and they'd fucking me. 0.90

03:26:05.000 I've spent so long, I'm losing the impression. 0.89

03:26:07.000 Immediately, I'd spend their own money on Coke.

03:26:10.000 She goes, now they just go home and watch TV. LAUGHTER Like mad that they're all doing below.

03:26:19.000 Yeah.

03:26:20.000 Well, she loved that it was wild.

03:26:21.000 It was wild.

03:26:22.000 She was a wild woman.

03:26:24.000 She loved the fact that she created a wild place.

03:26:26.000 And you see Kinison swinging on Letterman.

03:26:29.000 He's like, that's my time.

03:26:31.000 And Letterman bringing him up.

03:26:32.000 He's like, this guy is...

03:26:34.000 Just watch him.

03:26:35.000 I don't even, you guys just watch him.

03:26:37.000 And he finishes, I'm like, that's it, and then swings a thing.

03:26:40.000 And it's like...

03:26:41.000 It's a comedy store. 1.00

03:26:42.000 What's Letterman compared to the fucking store? 1.00

03:26:45.000 He already had his fucking balls. 1.00

03:26:46.000 Yeah. 1.00

03:26:48.000 Anyway, I told her.

03:26:50.000 That's awesome. 1.00

03:26:51.000 Let's wrap this bitch up. 1.00

03:26:52.000 Can I promote one thing before I leave? 1.00

03:26:53.000 Promote the fuck out of it.

03:26:56.000 Okay, everybody.

03:26:57.000 Oh, you wrote it down?

03:26:58.000 Yes.

03:26:59.000 All professional.

03:27:01.000 There are...

03:27:02.000 I'm not here to promote my podcast, Ari Shaffir's Skeptic Tank.

03:27:04.000 Please watch that. 0.99

03:27:05.000 How about say that in a way where people can understand a fucking word you just said? 0.99

03:27:09.000 I have a podcast called Ari Shaffir's Skeptic Podcast. 0.99

03:27:13.000 What is it again?

03:27:14.000 Ari Shaffir's Skeptic Tank.

03:27:16.000 It is available on Google Play, Apple Podcasts, even the Spotification.

03:27:22.000 Okay.

03:27:23.000 And on YouTube now.

03:27:24.000 Not here to promote that.

03:27:26.000 There are three comedians in New York that are massively underappreciated.

03:27:30.000 Their names are Adrian Apollucci, Mike Vecchione, and Sean Patton.

03:27:33.000 For whatever reason, they have slipped through the cracks.

03:27:36.000 And they don't make the money they should, and they're not booked as much as they should.

03:27:40.000 But I am telling you, as someone who cares about stand-up comedy, that they are great.

03:27:47.000 Adrian opened for me in my whole last tour. 0.97

03:27:49.000 She's now on the road this weekend with fucking Louis C.K. She had the number one joke of 2019, a Parkland joke, the day after. 1.00

03:27:59.000 They cut it from Netflix, because whatever.

03:28:02.000 But...

03:28:03.000 If you want to see it, I put her album up on my YouTube page.

03:28:06.000 Baby Skeletons is her album.

03:28:08.000 She's great.

03:28:09.000 Sean Patton you might know from This Is Not Happening stories, the Cuman story, the fake gay passion. 1.00

03:28:17.000 Adrienne's awesome.

03:28:19.000 And Mike Vecchione, who's one of the best joke writers in New York.

03:28:22.000 He is someone who makes us all better joke writers by watching him.

03:28:26.000 He consistently crushes, doesn't have the networking skills to get ahead.

03:28:30.000 So, if I just tell you, I've thought this out, dude.

03:28:34.000 If I just tell you they're great, you might look him up.

03:28:36.000 Here's what I'm asking you to do, the listeners and the watchers of Joe Rogan Podcast.

03:28:41.000 I want you to call your comedy clubs, your local comedy clubs, and I want you to tell them, because they're not going to book them just based on a recommendation.

03:28:48.000 I want you to tell them, I will give you my email address, and you can use it only if Adrian Appalucci, Sean Patton, or Mike Vecchione are playing in your city.

03:29:00.000 I will give you my email address, which is what they want more than anything.

03:29:05.000 Everybody, call your local comedy club.

03:29:07.000 Tell them the city you live in.

03:29:08.000 Say, I live in this city.

03:29:10.000 I will give you my email address for this reason.

03:29:13.000 Comedy club owners, you can launch them.

03:29:16.000 Give them their bonuses, even if they get close.

03:29:18.000 Get loyal with these people because they should be stars and you can help make them stars. 0.97

03:29:23.000 You can also help them get to the point where for an Adrian's sake, she's not thinking of quitting comedy because she can't make her fucking rent. 1.00

03:29:30.000 You can help them Comedy Club fans, I have never lied to you about someone who has talent. 0.81

03:29:37.000 Call your local club, tell them where I live, and I will give you my address based on this alone.

03:29:43.000 That's what I'm doing here.

03:29:44.000 That's what I'm going to promote.

03:29:46.000 Go do it now.

03:29:47.000 You can make a clip.

03:29:47.000 I don't know how many clips you're allowed.

03:29:48.000 Please make one from this.

03:29:50.000 Go help these people.

03:29:51.000 They are great, great comics.

03:29:53.000 Adrian Appalucci, Sean Patton, Mike Vecchione.

03:29:56.000 Okay.

03:29:57.000 Sorry.

03:29:58.000 I think that was okay.

03:30:02.000 Alright.

03:30:03.000 I agree.

03:30:03.000 Those people are all very funny.

03:30:04.000 Goodbye everybody.

03:30:05.000 Thanks everybody.

The Joe Rogan Experience - July 22, 2021

Joe Rogan Experience #1686 - Ari Shaffir

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