The Joe Rogan Experience - September 15, 2021


Joe Rogan Experience #1707 - Kyle Dunnigan & Kurt Metzger

Topics
Steven Seagal mob-funded movies diversity push in writing rooms car crash reenactment neopronouns clown workshop beatboxing guy Saudi Prince's yacht and painting Bill Gates Epstein timeline Frost vs. Nixon debates Hyperloop innovation construction Saudi car hijinks horse fantasies low-fat feet Lisa Nowak and her actions cat at football game face swap diamonds vocal fry After Party sketch show
Hosted by
Joe Rogan
Guests
Kyle Dunnigan Kurt Metzger
Mentioned
Jamie Kilstein Kurt Metzger Nixon Hillary Clinton Donald Trump Will Ferrell Jimmy Dore Bill Maher Dude Hunter Biden Ben Shapiro Kyle Kalinske Bill Gates Epstein Jesus Christ William F. Buckley Caitlyn Jenner Kyle Dunnigan Joe Biden Joe Rogan Podcast and 130 more
Joe Rogan Experience #1706 - Billy Corben Joe Rogan Experience #1708 - Anne Lembke

Episode Stats


Length

3 hours and 20 minutes

Words per minute

193.61

Word count

38,851

Sentence count

5,143

Harmful content

Misogyny

176

sentences flagged

Toxicity

904

sentences flagged

Hate speech

126

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

Comedian Kyle Dunningham joins Joe Rogan on the pod to talk about his new show, "The Fresh Prez," and what it's like to be a stand-up comedian in the late 90s and early 2000s. They also talk about how they met, how they got into comedy, and how much they're making now that they're both in their 20s. They also discuss how much money they were making at the time of this recording, and why they decided to get married. And they talk about what it was like growing up in the 80s and 90s as a kid in New York and how they ended up doing standup comedy. And they get into some of their favorite memories of each other. Joe also talks about how much he used to make as a standup comedian and how he's now making $100,000 a year, which is a lot more than he was making a few years ago. This episode was brought to you by VaynerSpeaks, a production of Native Creative, a podcast that focuses on Native Creative Podcasts and Native Creative Productions. Logo by Native Creative. Theme by Courtney DeKorte. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. Hosted by John Rocha. Used w/ permission from the Native Creative Collective. If you like what you hear, please leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or wherever else you re listening to this podcast, and we'll get a shoutout on the next week's episode! Thank you for listening and supporting the podcast! Logo is a big thank you! Joe Rogans is a good friend of mine and I really appreciates your support and I appreciate your support. Thank you so much, I really appreciate it. -Joe Rogan is a great human being and I can t wait to see you back in the future with more of his work and I hope you enjoy this podcast and I'm looking forward to seeing you in the next episode of Joe's new show! - Thank you, Joe Rogan - and I'll see you next week! -- thank you, Cheers, Joe Joe ROGAN. XOXO. -- THE JOE ROGANS CHECK OUT THE JOGAN PODCAST AND THE JOBROGAN EPISODES -- CHECK IT OUT! CHEERS!

Transcript

Transcripts from "The Joe Rogan Experience" are sourced from the Knowledge Fight Interactive Search Tool. Explore them interactively here.
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
Topics generated with Qwen2.5-3B-Instruct.
Hosts, guests, and mentioned names generated with spaCy (en_core_web_sm), reconciled against Wikidata.
00:00:01.000 Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out!
00:00:04.000 The Joe Rogan Experience.
00:00:06.000 Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day!
00:00:12.000 We're up and rolling.
00:00:12.000 This is all on the record.
00:00:14.000 I'm terrible in that position.
00:00:16.000 Like, I have to be really...
00:00:17.000 Some people instinctively are like, we just don't talk about that.
00:00:20.000 I know how to do that.
00:00:21.000 I don't have no...
00:00:21.000 I can't...
00:00:22.000 Yeah, I know you don't.
00:00:22.000 That's what I love about you.
00:00:23.000 Yeah, that is the spirit.
00:00:25.000 He says things to people who are like, oh my god.
00:00:27.000 He said something to a comedian, I would say, but like, oh my god.
00:00:32.000 Yeah, but it was good advice.
00:00:33.000 He gave some advice.
00:00:34.000 It was honest. 0.99
00:00:36.000 Did you tell them to kill themselves? 0.99
00:00:38.000 No. 0.97
00:00:39.000 No, it's...
00:00:40.000 Tell them to quit?
00:00:42.000 No.
00:00:42.000 No, I don't want to get into it.
00:00:44.000 Embarrassingly.
00:00:45.000 Yeah, okay.
00:00:46.000 Don't say name.
00:00:47.000 I'm going to leave.
00:00:48.000 What have you done, Kyle?
00:00:48.000 I'm leaving.
00:00:49.000 I'm sorry.
00:00:52.000 As a team...
00:00:53.000 He's honest, yes.
00:00:55.000 Go ahead, as a team.
00:00:56.000 You two balance each other out in a very odd way.
00:00:59.000 Yes, we fill gaps.
00:01:01.000 Sometimes it feels like we're inside each other.
00:01:05.000 That's accurate.
00:01:07.000 Is that blurting out anything?
00:01:09.000 No.
00:01:09.000 We do, like, opposite things.
00:01:11.000 And, like, the things I have gaps in, he fills up.
00:01:14.000 I mean, her is...
00:01:15.000 It does sound sexual, but I'm not being sexual.
00:01:18.000 It sounds incredibly sexual.
00:01:18.000 No, but I know what you're saying.
00:01:19.000 Yeah, I mean, he's an amazing, like, joke machine, you know?
00:01:24.000 It all sounds sexual. 0.84
00:01:26.000 Every part of it is sexual.
00:01:27.000 You guys are silently creating the best comedy show on the internet.
00:01:32.000 I really believe that.
00:01:33.000 Thank you. 1.00
00:01:34.000 Your shit that you guys have put out, these face swaps, this fucking, the Fresh Prez, this Joe Biden sitcom, I am astonished it hasn't caught on more than it has. 1.00
00:01:45.000 It's caught on a lot, but it should be one of the biggest fucking things in the country. 1.00
00:01:49.000 You guys are doing... 1.00
00:01:51.000 The most ruthless, hilarious shit. 1.00
00:01:54.000 I can't support it enough. 0.99
00:01:55.000 Thank you.
00:01:56.000 That's why I wanted to have you guys in here.
00:01:57.000 I love it.
00:01:58.000 It might be a little dirty.
00:01:59.000 Thank you.
00:01:59.000 A little dirty?
00:02:00.000 You've been the one that's like, I mean, when you started promoting my stuff like three years ago, I mean, I was nowhere.
00:02:07.000 I was doomed.
00:02:08.000 You look back on your life, I didn't realize how doomed I was until you started supporting me.
00:02:13.000 And then I was like cranking out maybe one a week, one sketch a week.
00:02:16.000 And that was like a lot of work.
00:02:19.000 You know, even just to do that, writing sketches, a lot harder to crank out.
00:02:22.000 You need a better Instagram handle.
00:02:24.000 It's like Kyle Dunnegan 2. No, it's 1. It's 1, dude.
00:02:27.000 Why is it 1?
00:02:28.000 2 is actually better.
00:02:30.000 Does someone have Kyle Dunnegan 1?
00:02:32.000 He also has my email, and he gets a lot of emails.
00:02:35.000 Do you've talked to this Kyle Dunnegan fellow?
00:02:37.000 See, he stopped.
00:02:38.000 He used to forward me stuff, and it's been like a year and a half.
00:02:41.000 And I'm sure he's just like, I'm not doing this anymore.
00:02:43.000 Yeah, I had JoeRogan.com.
00:02:45.000 There was an original Joe Rogan who was a real estate salesman.
00:02:48.000 You lost yours to a real estate guy too.
00:02:50.000 I didn't lose it.
00:02:52.000 I mean, it's his name.
00:02:54.000 He's older than me.
00:02:55.000 He's a veteran.
00:02:56.000 It's really his name.
00:02:57.000 But I bought it from him.
00:02:58.000 I had to buy JoeRogan.com.
00:03:00.000 I had KyleDunningham.com and then someone bought it because I dropped the ball.
00:03:04.000 And now he's like 40 grand and I'm like, no.
00:03:06.000 Wow.
00:03:07.000 So I have Kyle Dunningham comedy.
00:03:09.000 40 grand? 0.99
00:03:09.000 I don't think the one was as fuck. 0.99
00:03:12.000 You want to make a year's salary almost? 0.99
00:03:13.000 I know.
00:03:13.000 I would have paid like $100.
00:03:15.000 But I have Kyle Dunnigan, comedy.com, which I don't like to say, like, comedy.
00:03:20.000 You're, like, telling people I'm doing...
00:03:22.000 No, it's sad.
00:03:24.000 Mine is taken by the, you know,.com, the site.
00:03:29.000 I used to have it, and then I just didn't pay, you know, way back when I had it.
00:03:32.000 And I didn't either pay for it or...
00:03:34.000 Now it's a porn site.
00:03:35.000 No. 0.95
00:03:36.000 It was taken by a guy, Kurt Metzger, gay-friendly realtor.
00:03:40.000 Was this...
00:03:43.000 It is weird, right?
00:03:45.000 Well, I guess if you want to sell real estate in West Hollywood, like in a very specific five block area.
00:03:50.000 Yeah, a beautiful five block area.
00:03:52.000 I would assume they're all gay friendly.
00:03:53.000 You want to make business.
00:03:55.000 Who's not gay friendly? 0.93
00:03:56.000 I want your money. 0.93
00:03:57.000 If you're specifying it, that's like weird. 1.00
00:03:59.000 Yeah, we got that fucking dude. 1.00
00:04:01.000 I want your money. 1.00
00:04:02.000 Keep your money.
00:04:04.000 I'm for the Bible.
00:04:05.000 It ain't natural.
00:04:06.000 I'm for the Bible.
00:04:07.000 I'm not for money.
00:04:12.000 Yeah, so he has it.
00:04:13.000 So there's, I guess, a plug for him.
00:04:15.000 So I have comedy like a second rate.
00:04:17.000 Kurt Metzger comedy?
00:04:18.000 Yeah.
00:04:19.000 Well, it's not bad.
00:04:20.000 Kyle Dunnigan comedy's not bad.
00:04:22.000 We're saying it.
00:04:23.000 Millions of people are hearing it right now.
00:04:24.000 Yes, yes.
00:04:24.000 I'll say my name for an hour and a half.
00:04:26.000 But my nephew said putting a number is really dorky. 0.68
00:04:29.000 Yeah, it's dorky.
00:04:30.000 You should change that.
00:04:31.000 Is the guy who has Kyle Dunnigan, does he use it?
00:04:35.000 No, I don't think so.
00:04:37.000 Why don't you get that from him?
00:04:38.000 Yeah, maybe I'll look into that.
00:04:40.000 Contact Instagram.
00:04:41.000 You're blue certified, right?
00:04:42.000 You got a little check mark?
00:04:43.000 I got a check!
00:04:44.000 Yeah, son.
00:04:45.000 You know what's crazy?
00:04:46.000 They take your blue check if they don't agree with you.
00:04:49.000 Wait, you can turn in your check?
00:04:52.000 They'll take your blue check mark if you say objectionable things.
00:04:57.000 Oh, I didn't know that.
00:04:58.000 I thought the point of it was to keep people from pretending to be you. 1.00
00:05:01.000 But they don't give a fuck. 0.99
00:05:03.000 They're using it as a punitive. 0.99
00:05:05.000 On Instagram or on Twitter?
00:05:06.000 On both.
00:05:08.000 Really?
00:05:08.000 OJ doesn't have a check.
00:05:12.000 Have you seen his Twitter, by the way?
00:05:13.000 Oh, it's the best.
00:05:14.000 Hilarious.
00:05:14.000 Hello, Twitter friend.
00:05:16.000 Hey Twitter world, it's yours, Julie.
00:05:18.000 That's right, Twitter world.
00:05:19.000 Hey Twitter world, it's yours, Julie.
00:05:21.000 And all those tweets are like, he'll be like, hey, the Broncos are doing pretty good. 0.75
00:05:24.000 And then the commenter's like, murderer, murderer, murderer.
00:05:26.000 Hey, Alan's knee should be better. 0.99
00:05:28.000 Murderer, murderer, murderer. 0.99
00:05:29.000 It's all knives. 0.99
00:05:30.000 All like, knife emojis.
00:05:32.000 Yeah. 0.95
00:05:32.000 Like, you're killing it, OJ. That's what people write. 0.95
00:05:36.000 It's strange hearing him talk about stuff. 0.99
00:05:38.000 Yeah, because he gives advice and shit. 0.97
00:05:40.000 He's so calm now. 0.99
00:05:41.000 Well, when you get away with double murder, you want to stay on the DL when you make videos.
00:05:46.000 He's got a lot of wit and wisdom.
00:05:49.000 He's been to it a lot.
00:05:51.000 What's going on with the Broncos?
00:05:52.000 Hey, Twitter world, I made mistakes.
00:05:53.000 Just like you.
00:05:54.000 Yeah, I know. 0.99
00:05:55.000 I cut a lady's head off. 1.00
00:05:56.000 Hey, there's no reason to lose your temper when you get in a fight. 0.82
00:06:00.000 I'm just saying.
00:06:01.000 Dude, like, imagine.
00:06:03.000 I remember I was with my girlfriend at the time.
00:06:05.000 It was 1990, I guess it was like three or four.
00:06:08.000 What is it, four?
00:06:09.000 When he got off?
00:06:10.000 Yeah.
00:06:11.000 We were in my apartment in North Hollywood.
00:06:13.000 I'd literally just moved to Hollywood.
00:06:15.000 And we were sitting there holding hands, waiting for the verdict.
00:06:19.000 She wanted to hold my hand.
00:06:20.000 She was like, oh my god, oh my god.
00:06:22.000 Oh, my God.
00:06:22.000 And then not killed it.
00:06:23.000 She went, oh! 0.99
00:06:26.000 I thought you were going to say you started cheering so loud you knocked over some...
00:06:29.000 Hey, Twitter world.
00:06:30.000 What's he saying now?
00:06:31.000 Hey, Twitter world.
00:06:31.000 Yours truly.
00:06:37.000 What's wrong with the volume, OJ? He's giving, like, commentary on football.
00:06:48.000 Like he's just a regular guy.
00:06:50.000 Just a fantasy football tip.
00:06:52.000 I know, but wouldn't he want to just lay low?
00:06:55.000 I know. 0.99
00:06:56.000 You kill a couple people, won't you just... 1.00
00:06:58.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:06:59.000 Look at the comments.
00:07:00.000 They're hilarious.
00:07:01.000 Hey, Twitter world.
00:07:02.000 Hey, Twitter world.
00:07:03.000 We lost another great one.
00:07:05.000 Oh, someone died?
00:07:07.000 No.
00:07:07.000 Okay, let's read the comments on that one.
00:07:08.000 Click on that one. 1.00
00:07:09.000 The comments must be, oh, you fuckers. 1.00
00:07:12.000 Not locked in on this account. 1.00
00:07:13.000 Slash away, you dog sleigh. 0.99
00:07:14.000 Just scroll down. 0.80
00:07:16.000 You gotta hack away on the driver.
00:07:17.000 When you're not locked in, yeah, you can't do it.
00:07:20.000 Really lean into it.
00:07:23.000 It's okay.
00:07:24.000 We don't need to see the comments.
00:07:25.000 You know, a lot of people, like killers, have podcasts and stuff now.
00:07:31.000 Sammy the Bull.
00:07:32.000 Sammy the Bull's guy.
00:07:33.000 Oh yeah, he showed me some stuff.
00:07:35.000 It's hilarious.
00:07:36.000 I don't think I could watch a mob movie again, like when they make a new one, and have the same...
00:07:41.000 Because you can watch these guys tell the story and it's so much better.
00:07:45.000 Yeah, there's a couple of those guys.
00:07:47.000 Michael Franchese and Sammy the Bull Gravano and a few of those mob guys.
00:07:52.000 Yeah, and they get in fights, like mob podcast fights.
00:07:57.000 That's not how he died, Sammy.
00:07:59.000 That is not how I killed him. 1.00
00:08:01.000 They all argue about shit like you couldn't care less about. 0.99
00:08:04.000 Like, he never hung out at that club. 0.99
00:08:06.000 I was there every night and I didn't see him. 0.99
00:08:08.000 Their Pasta Fazul was garbage! 1.00
00:08:10.000 It was garbage! 1.00
00:08:15.000 There's a lot of them, but his is the best one. 0.99
00:08:17.000 Hands down, the best one.
00:08:18.000 Well, it's interesting.
00:08:19.000 He tells stories.
00:08:22.000 It's kind of crazy that a guy who's murdered nine people can just have a podcast.
00:08:27.000 Don't you think he probably thinks of it like if you were talking to a soldier?
00:08:31.000 I know I talk to a lot of soldiers.
00:08:32.000 I don't know how many people they kill.
00:08:34.000 We didn't talk their kills, but he probably thinks of it that way.
00:08:38.000 Not that I think of it that way.
00:08:39.000 They deserved it.
00:08:40.000 That was the business.
00:08:42.000 Yeah, we got in this.
00:08:43.000 It was business.
00:08:43.000 But a lot of these guys, I'm not saying him because I don't know, but a lot of them, you know, they are self-serving when they tell their stories.
00:08:50.000 Like, even if...
00:08:51.000 He seems very...
00:08:53.000 Like, he's not holding anything back.
00:08:55.000 He's pulling off the best of me.
00:08:57.000 He got out of jail, right?
00:08:59.000 And he was an informant for the mob, right?
00:09:02.000 Against the mob.
00:09:03.000 He gets out of jail, and then he's selling ecstasy. 0.99
00:09:06.000 Like, the guy doesn't give a fuck. 0.99
00:09:08.000 He goes back in, right? 0.99
00:09:10.000 Did he get arrested again?
00:09:11.000 Did he go to jail again for ecstasy?
00:09:14.000 I know he got...
00:09:15.000 Arrested for XT. I don't know if he went back in jail.
00:09:17.000 I mean, the guy is, like, he's pulled it off.
00:09:20.000 Yeah.
00:09:20.000 He's, like, 70. Yeah.
00:09:22.000 And he looks great.
00:09:23.000 He seems happy, too.
00:09:24.000 That's what's crazy.
00:09:25.000 He looks calm and relaxed.
00:09:27.000 He looks way younger than his age.
00:09:30.000 Yeah, he looks good.
00:09:31.000 Dude, I love a lot of them where they're, like, the more, like, this movie probably is letting you know not to get involved.
00:09:37.000 There's a lot of, like, gangs.
00:09:38.000 I'm trying to tell you.
00:09:40.000 Don't do this, kids.
00:09:41.000 One guy is saying that, like, I'm trying to explain this is not a glorifying life, and he's selling a bat.
00:09:46.000 He goes, this is no kind of life.
00:09:49.000 You want to get a bat with one name on it? 0.88
00:09:52.000 This is the bat that I used to kill four guys in the social club.
00:09:55.000 The whole story is him hitting people with bats, and he has merch bats.
00:09:59.000 No, really?
00:10:00.000 Who is this?
00:10:04.000 John A. Light.
00:10:05.000 How many these mob guys have social media profiles?
00:10:08.000 And they're doing well.
00:10:09.000 What was that Steven Seagal story?
00:10:11.000 I watched his thing.
00:10:12.000 All the stories are interesting, and it's stuff that you've seen for years.
00:10:16.000 History Channel has all these documentaries about mafia stuff, and none of them are as good as piecing it together from five different guys who were there.
00:10:24.000 Oh, yeah.
00:10:25.000 You get the real story.
00:10:26.000 Yeah, it's just so much better. 0.99
00:10:28.000 That's the difference, is you're getting the real fucking story, you know? 0.98
00:10:30.000 We crack open that whiskey. 0.98
00:10:32.000 What are we doing, guys?
00:10:32.000 You want some?
00:10:34.000 Is it too early with you? 1.00
00:10:35.000 No, I don't give a fuck. 1.00
00:10:36.000 Have a little drink. 1.00
00:10:36.000 I haven't had a drink since I got COVID. Was that right? 1.00
00:10:39.000 Yeah, I decided to take some time off.
00:10:41.000 I was going to take the whole month off, but in your honor, I'll have a little sippy poo. 0.85
00:10:46.000 Have a little sippy poo.
00:10:47.000 Have young Jeffrey get us some glasses.
00:10:50.000 Do you guys like ice?
00:10:51.000 Yeah, a little bit.
00:10:53.000 Yeah, a little bit.
00:10:54.000 We'll get some of that going.
00:10:56.000 But yeah, I want to just make sure everyone knows.
00:10:59.000 Get some of that Buffalo Trace.
00:11:00.000 Break out the good stuff!
00:11:01.000 Oh, I'll tell you what you have to watch if you watch a podcast is him talking about Steven Seagal.
00:11:06.000 Yeah, that's hilarious.
00:11:07.000 Steven Seagal was trying to get...
00:11:11.000 Comfortable with the mob, right?
00:11:13.000 He was trying to get close to them.
00:11:14.000 No, they made his movies, I guess.
00:11:16.000 What?
00:11:17.000 He tells a story.
00:11:18.000 This one made me...
00:11:19.000 I was dying when he was telling this story about how Steven Seagal, his whole career...
00:11:23.000 All the good ones, I think, were mob-funded movies.
00:11:26.000 No!
00:11:27.000 Yeah, and he didn't want to make them anymore.
00:11:29.000 This is how Sammy's done.
00:11:31.000 He wanted to go to Tibet and meditate, I don't know. 0.99
00:11:33.000 And John Gotti's brother was like, let's get his ass making those movies again. 0.97
00:11:39.000 And then they started shaking him down to make more movies. 0.99
00:11:41.000 Oh, really?
00:11:42.000 Yeah.
00:11:43.000 Are you sure about all this?
00:11:44.000 Should we research this?
00:11:45.000 I'll tell you, this is what's on the podcast.
00:11:47.000 Oh, okay.
00:11:47.000 He does seem very believable.
00:11:50.000 I'll say this.
00:11:51.000 When he's telling the story.
00:11:53.000 Why would he lie at this point in his life?
00:11:55.000 Yeah.
00:11:55.000 He literally got away with murder.
00:11:58.000 They all wear sunglasses, though.
00:12:00.000 There's something suspicious that they all wear sunglasses.
00:12:02.000 So does Tim Dillon, though.
00:12:04.000 Ah, thank you.
00:12:05.000 He does?
00:12:07.000 Tim Dillon wears aviators, mirrored aviators like a cop in every episode. 0.99
00:12:12.000 Tim Dillon is a goddamn genius. 0.99
00:12:14.000 He's a national treasure. 1.00
00:12:16.000 He really is.
00:12:17.000 We have a little scooper here. 0.87
00:12:19.000 I didn't touch any other ice, FYI. I was very...
00:12:23.000 Fucking ice grabber. 1.00
00:12:24.000 You barely got your test results and you're already touching ice? 1.00
00:12:27.000 Slimy, sweaty ice grabber.
00:12:29.000 That's my high school nickname. 0.99
00:12:32.000 Wait, Joe, is it true that you treated your COVID with horse cum? 0.99
00:12:36.000 Well, that's the only way. 0.98
00:12:37.000 I mean, if you really love animals like I do, you owe it to yourself.
00:12:43.000 How could you? 0.98
00:12:45.000 People are overdosing on horse cum. 0.99
00:12:47.000 I was told to by a random person I met on the subway. 0.99
00:12:50.000 Dude, I cannot believe...
00:12:54.000 What's going on with this?
00:12:55.000 He's just bad with scooping.
00:12:56.000 The scooper is just grabbing the ice.
00:12:59.000 You are not a bartender, sir.
00:13:01.000 Why don't you just get your glass in there?
00:13:03.000 You're like my left foot with the scooper.
00:13:05.000 Look at that!
00:13:05.000 One scoop!
00:13:06.000 Get in there with the glass! 0.99
00:13:08.000 I like a little bit of ice because I don't want to drown out the flavors.
00:13:11.000 Take that glass.
00:13:12.000 What if you just passed the ice scooper?
00:13:16.000 Yeah, now I got your hands on my ice because I took your glass.
00:13:19.000 Just give me the...
00:13:20.000 Oh, there you go.
00:13:21.000 I don't care.
00:13:22.000 You want more ice?
00:13:23.000 Yeah, can I? This is a disaster.
00:13:26.000 It's not that bad, dude.
00:13:29.000 Total disaster.
00:13:30.000 Whoops, I spilled...
00:13:31.000 I mean, what a terrible job, Kyle.
00:13:34.000 I hope this is like a clip on YouTube, or a getting ice clip.
00:13:38.000 Oh, this is going to be huge.
00:13:40.000 This is going to be our biggest clip ever.
00:13:43.000 Let's toast to...
00:13:45.000 Let's toast to you guys.
00:13:46.000 I want to toast, also make very clear that Kirk gets a lot of credit because he, in his career, hasn't gotten much credit for a lot of things.
00:13:53.000 I have, like, three awards.
00:13:55.000 No, but, like...
00:13:57.000 I hope that I'm trying to compliment the guy.
00:13:58.000 What kind of awards you get?
00:14:00.000 We won an Emmy.
00:14:01.000 The first time we worked together, we won.
00:14:02.000 The Emmy, I have one, but it didn't go to me.
00:14:05.000 I have the Peabody.
00:14:07.000 I think I was supposed to have another one.
00:14:09.000 And then a Writers Guild Award, which apparently is a good award.
00:14:15.000 I don't know what you'd do with them.
00:14:17.000 You just stick them somewhere.
00:14:19.000 We also get help from Jessica Montes and John Bush, also help with our stuff.
00:14:25.000 Jessica produces and John writes stuff too.
00:14:28.000 But Kurt, this is how we got totally scammed.
00:14:32.000 We were running for this sketch show, and it was Kurt's idea for this very funny song, which was, Girl, You Don't Need Makeup.
00:14:39.000 But it ended up like, maybe you should wear makeup, you know?
00:14:41.000 And I was like, oh, I want to write the music for that, you know, because I like to write music.
00:14:45.000 And so...
00:14:46.000 It was Kurt's total idea, and some writers added some stuff, but it was Kurt's idea.
00:14:55.000 So anyway, the Emmy Comedy Central, for some reason, The way the Emmy's set up, it goes to the producer and the writer of the music.
00:15:04.000 So I got the Emmy, and Kurt, who should have also got an Emmy, was totally blocked out of it.
00:15:10.000 The executive producer ended up giving him an Emmy.
00:15:12.000 Yeah, they re-engraved one.
00:15:14.000 Re-engraved.
00:15:14.000 Oh, that's nice.
00:15:16.000 Yeah, very nice, Em.
00:15:17.000 But can he give you an Emmy?
00:15:19.000 It's like, if I give you an Oscar, does that count?
00:15:21.000 It's not real.
00:15:23.000 I'll give you both Oscars.
00:15:25.000 There was a reason for why, and I couldn't even understand it.
00:15:30.000 It was a whole thing written out.
00:15:31.000 I don't understand either.
00:15:32.000 It's all scams. 1.00
00:15:33.000 These fucking producers and executives. 1.00
00:15:35.000 It was something about not incentivizing Swear to God incentivizing creative talent, but yeah, but then people are just gonna try to write songs to get it Something was probably with paying for if there's you know, I don't know I That business has to die. 1.00
00:15:49.000 There's so many fucking corrupt little weird. 0.98
00:15:52.000 Yeah, why would you want to be? 0.99
00:15:53.000 I don't understand of the business Yeah, it really made no sense.
00:15:57.000 It's a blue vein corruption machine Yeah, and I there's also a Every other year they do the best original music on the Emmys.
00:16:07.000 But this year it was on FXX. So it was like a taped...
00:16:11.000 What is FXX? It's like bad FX. It's like these shows aren't good.
00:16:18.000 It's Vin Diesel's FX. Remember he's in XXX? That's XXX. All Vin Diesel.
00:16:23.000 It's a prequel.
00:16:24.000 So I went up...
00:16:25.000 And I very much was like, Kurt Metzger should be up here.
00:16:31.000 Good for you.
00:16:32.000 Well, they cut that part out.
00:16:34.000 And I was like, hey, thanks.
00:16:35.000 Hi, bye. 1.00
00:16:36.000 They edited your fucking speech. 0.99
00:16:39.000 So anyway, Kurt deserves a lot of credit. 1.00
00:16:42.000 And yeah.
00:16:44.000 That's that story.
00:16:45.000 That's the Emmy story that he should have gotten, that he did not get.
00:16:47.000 The end.
00:16:48.000 Yeah, I don't care about it.
00:16:49.000 You seem like you care a little bit.
00:16:51.000 I feel, like, a little pain.
00:16:53.000 At the time, I did, but I was like, but what are you, like...
00:16:56.000 What are you going to do?
00:16:57.000 Yeah, like, it's not a thing, like...
00:17:01.000 That would be worth going to any kind of...
00:17:03.000 Well, it's valuable if you're a writer.
00:17:07.000 If you're a writer and you're in the business and you're trying to get sitcom gigs and any kind of television gig or movie gig, having an Emmy is valuable.
00:17:16.000 And if he cried now a little bit, that'd be good.
00:17:19.000 Yeah, it would show your range.
00:17:21.000 That was what you thought my crying triggers would be?
00:17:24.000 The hope was...
00:17:26.000 Well, I'm sorry. 0.97
00:17:28.000 A long time ago I remember talking to Louie and he was really funny and I really didn't give a shit. 0.91
00:17:36.000 That stuff doesn't necessarily lead to anything. 0.89
00:17:38.000 Emmys?
00:17:39.000 It can.
00:17:40.000 But what helps you a lot more is if you're clicked up with the right people.
00:17:47.000 Which is middle-aged white writer.
00:17:48.000 I don't know if you know they're mostly casting the writing rooms now, so you got to be already in with like grandfathered in right old white guys Or you're not you know, I mean like there's no you couldn't be I wouldn't know how you'd be like a new Guy trying to get into it. 0.74
00:18:03.000 I have no idea how you a new guy.
00:18:05.000 You mean yeah, like some diversity You would have to be like really high in like an improv scene probably Probably like a rich kid So are they, like, particularly casting things just based on diversity now?
00:18:18.000 Oh, yeah.
00:18:19.000 Have you not watched the, uh...
00:18:20.000 I don't pay attention.
00:18:21.000 Oh, yeah, it's crazy.
00:18:22.000 I know they do that for shows.
00:18:25.000 Like, in terms of, like, casting.
00:18:27.000 But in terms of, like, writings...
00:18:29.000 I'm not talking about the cast.
00:18:30.000 I'm talking about the writing rooms.
00:18:32.000 Yes.
00:18:32.000 I know a very big show.
00:18:34.000 These active producers were like, do you know any black writers?
00:18:38.000 They're specifically needed to hire.
00:18:41.000 They have to hire one because they don't want the press of, look at this writer's room.
00:18:45.000 There's a picture of a bunch of white people.
00:18:46.000 They just don't want that trouble. 0.82
00:18:48.000 By the way, they also don't really want black writers. 0.75
00:18:51.000 They want somebody black who also is like our sort. 0.52
00:19:08.000 It's uncomfortable if it's not like that.
00:19:10.000 They don't want more like Chappelle's.
00:19:12.000 You know what I mean?
00:19:12.000 The diversity push is not going to be like, ooh, more Chappelle's.
00:19:16.000 Nobody wants that.
00:19:18.000 I was on a show.
00:19:19.000 I was writing, and they hired a they. 0.99
00:19:21.000 And they had a talk with us.
00:19:23.000 A they. 0.94
00:19:23.000 Yeah, there was a they coming in. 0.94
00:19:25.000 You have to say, like, they got coffee, and they talked to us.
00:19:30.000 And then they came in, and then they was terrible.
00:19:33.000 Like, they was very bad at their job.
00:19:35.000 Imagine that.
00:19:37.000 Imagine being two people not being able to do the job of one person.
00:19:41.000 And they, their, do you say their job?
00:19:43.000 Their job.
00:19:44.000 If your pronouns are they, them, do you say their job still?
00:19:47.000 I think so.
00:19:48.000 You must, right?
00:19:48.000 Yeah.
00:19:49.000 They're not good at their job.
00:19:50.000 Jamie?
00:19:50.000 The whole team wasn't good at the job.
00:19:51.000 Jamie's not touching that one.
00:19:53.000 They are going to be here shortly.
00:19:55.000 Do you have they apostrophe R-E when it's they're going to be there shortly? 0.96
00:20:00.000 Because I would never say, you know, here going to be there shortly, like he, like you.
00:20:08.000 When is Kyle going to be here?
00:20:10.000 Oh, he's going to be here shortly.
00:20:12.000 I wouldn't say here.
00:20:13.000 He apostrophe R-E. Kurt has a lot of more info on this topic than I do.
00:20:20.000 I didn't witness this happen.
00:20:21.000 I've never had that. 0.99
00:20:22.000 Well, they fucked up three times in like two days. 0.99
00:20:26.000 How'd they fuck up? 0.99
00:20:27.000 They sent an email to all the executives that they shouldn't have said. 0.99
00:20:31.000 It was like a private email.
00:20:32.000 What was the email?
00:20:33.000 I don't know exactly what it was, but it was something that they didn't want the executives to know about.
00:20:39.000 Oh, boy.
00:20:39.000 And it was three things.
00:20:41.000 So they had to fire, and then they did.
00:20:44.000 Did they sue?
00:20:45.000 I don't think they sued.
00:20:47.000 They usually sue.
00:20:48.000 They could have, and they would have... 0.99
00:20:50.000 When they get a gig like that, because of the fact that they're looking for diversity, and they know about that fact, oftentimes they realize, like, hey, these motherfuckers are over the rail here. 0.97
00:21:01.000 But the thing is, if you get hired for that reason... 0.97
00:21:05.000 Yeah.
00:21:05.000 A friend of mine would say on the channel, like, if you're hired for that reason, because you're they, well, they then did their job.
00:21:13.000 I showed up and I'm they.
00:21:14.000 Like, what?
00:21:15.000 I shouldn't ever be fired if that's the reason you hired me. 0.96
00:21:18.000 Imagine this conversation if someone didn't know what the fuck we're talking about and it was like 10 years ago. 0.94
00:21:22.000 I don't know what I'm talking about. 1.00
00:21:23.000 But 10 years ago, you'd be like, what the fuck are these idiots saying? 1.00
00:21:26.000 What is this they talk? 1.00
00:21:27.000 Well, you know what helps?
00:21:29.000 It's hard to learn it, but I find it helps if I go on TikTok and someone with clown hair Condescendingly tells it to me. 0.62
00:21:36.000 They always have clowns.
00:21:37.000 They usually have a nose ring. 0.83
00:21:37.000 They always be like, oh my god, it's so simple. 0.83
00:21:39.000 Like, they look like they can't believe.
00:21:41.000 I'm Lexi-sexual.
00:21:42.000 How do you not get this?
00:21:43.000 What's that one?
00:21:43.000 Well, dude, have you ever gone on Libs of TikTok?
00:21:46.000 Yeah, right.
00:21:46.000 That's right.
00:21:47.000 Libs of TikTok on Twitter is one of the greatest fucking accounts of all time. 0.98
00:21:51.000 It's every day. 0.98
00:21:52.000 They scour all these really super crazy liberal TikTok pages.
00:21:58.000 Yeah.
00:21:58.000 That's beyond even liberal, though.
00:22:00.000 I mean, it's definitely the result of liberal parenting.
00:22:02.000 It's just a good name, Libs of TikTok. 0.97
00:22:04.000 It might not be.
00:22:06.000 It might be like hardcore Christian parenting that forces them to be regressive. 0.98
00:22:10.000 You're right, you're right.
00:22:11.000 Or rather, reject it.
00:22:14.000 It's like, are they all from Portland and Seattle?
00:22:17.000 Oh, yeah.
00:22:18.000 It's so common up there.
00:22:18.000 It's gotta all be that, right?
00:22:19.000 Well, up there, it's like accepted and encouraged.
00:22:22.000 No, a friend of mine's from there that used to work on my podcast when I was in my old space doing it, and he's from there, and he's like, yeah, all the parents, that's like your kids in Little League, but they're like gender-bending. 0.91
00:22:34.000 That's like a real mark of pride.
00:22:36.000 Yeah, they actually encourage it, some folks.
00:22:38.000 Have you seen the girl who has a bunch of bracelets and her gender changes on the hour? 0.99
00:22:43.000 Oh, yeah, yeah.
00:22:43.000 And she lets you know by her bracelets what her gender is.
00:22:46.000 In a condescending way, she lets you know, like, figure it out.
00:22:48.000 Yeah.
00:22:49.000 Get it together.
00:22:50.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:22:51.000 Now I'm a boy.
00:22:51.000 It's very simple.
00:22:52.000 See, this is blue.
00:22:53.000 But I might be a girl in 10 minutes.
00:22:55.000 That's the thing.
00:22:56.000 That's the out-of-line thing is the part of, like, now this may change in an hour.
00:23:00.000 That one you're talking about specifically, it may change during the next hour.
00:23:05.000 Years ago, I was listening to a Radiolab podcast about this person who was gender fluid and they were treating it like it's the rarest ailment of all time.
00:23:16.000 And this was only like maybe five or six years ago.
00:23:20.000 I remember driving on the way to work listening to this person and they were like, okay, now I'm Sam.
00:23:25.000 Now I'm a guy.
00:23:26.000 Now I'm a guy.
00:23:27.000 I'm back.
00:23:28.000 When I get upset, I become a guy.
00:23:31.000 And then it was like, now I'm Debbie again. 0.99
00:23:33.000 They're like, what the fuck is this illness? 0.98
00:23:35.000 But they were trying to take it seriously, and they were trying to explain, like, imagine being this person that has this issue. 0.99
00:23:44.000 All I'm hearing is this, like, super needy weirdo who is just making up the fact that they become a boy or a girl randomly back and forth throughout the day, and we're just taking it seriously.
00:23:55.000 Like, this person should have a really difficult job.
00:23:58.000 That's what they need.
00:23:59.000 What they really need is something that's, like, hard to do, where they have to think about it and concentrate, although very highly competitive.
00:24:05.000 Or they turn into a man? 0.99
00:24:07.000 No, so that they don't fill their life up with this bullshit. 1.00
00:24:13.000 All day long, you're going back and forth from being a male and a female. 1.00
00:24:18.000 A lot of thinking about yourself.
00:24:21.000 What's the thing that makes you a woman if you're nice? 1.00
00:24:24.000 I don't understand what the thing is.
00:24:26.000 Now I'm mad, that means I'm a man.
00:24:28.000 You can understand it.
00:24:29.000 It doesn't make any sense.
00:24:31.000 It's one thing if you're trans, so you feel like a woman. 0.86
00:24:35.000 You always wanted to be a woman.
00:24:36.000 You feel like you're in the wrong body.
00:24:38.000 If you're going back and forth all day long, this is indulgent.
00:24:42.000 This is heavily indulgent.
00:24:44.000 What an exhausting friend to have.
00:24:47.000 Just like, what now?
00:24:49.000 Imagine me saying this and there's someone out there that really does go back and forth. 0.98
00:24:52.000 What the fuck do I know? 0.89
00:24:53.000 I don't want anyone to feel bad. 0.99
00:24:55.000 I just feel like if that's happening, You can't be on Twitter like, acting like this is, hey Twitter world, I'm a girl now.
00:25:04.000 If OJ transitioned, you'd support him.
00:25:06.000 Imagine if he did, he was like, there's only one way to get out of this.
00:25:09.000 Yeah, the Caitlyn Jenner way.
00:25:11.000 That's how she got out of killing that person with her car.
00:25:14.000 The timing was excellent for her.
00:25:16.000 Amazing.
00:25:16.000 Perfect.
00:25:17.000 It was excellent timing.
00:25:18.000 Amazing.
00:25:19.000 Just really stellar timing.
00:25:21.000 But amazing how everyone ignored it.
00:25:25.000 Yeah, it was really...
00:25:27.000 I wonder what would happen now, because there it was very new, if that car crashed.
00:25:33.000 Have you seen the footage, the reenactment?
00:25:36.000 She slammed into the first and then slammed into the second. 1.00
00:25:40.000 It was like a...
00:25:41.000 Did she...
00:25:42.000 Was she looking at her phone?
00:25:44.000 Bruce did that.
00:25:45.000 Yeah, he's gone, so you don't have to worry about it.
00:25:48.000 Was she looking at her phone?
00:25:49.000 Was she not looking?
00:25:50.000 I don't know.
00:25:51.000 How'd she hit him that hard?
00:25:52.000 I don't know.
00:25:53.000 I didn't hear any...
00:25:54.000 Well, running from the paparazzi, I think, was the story, wasn't it?
00:25:57.000 Was that the story?
00:25:59.000 No.
00:25:59.000 I swear that was a defense.
00:26:00.000 Don't they run towards the paparazzi?
00:26:02.000 Yes, obviously.
00:26:04.000 But they're not running from the paparazzi.
00:26:05.000 They run straight at him and wave.
00:26:08.000 Do you have that reenactment on...
00:26:09.000 Trying to catch up with paparazzi is what happens.
00:26:12.000 It was like they stopped and she wasn't looking.
00:26:15.000 They were going after Drake and they said, let me get in on this.
00:26:21.000 Yeah, the car crash, I had never seen it until he showed it to me.
00:26:24.000 I was like, wow, that's crazy.
00:26:25.000 What's crazy is like a month later, she's on ESPN winning Athlete of the Year.
00:26:30.000 Woman of the Year, yeah.
00:26:31.000 Well, it was Athlete of the Year, and then some magazine gave her Woman of the Year. 0.99
00:26:35.000 Oh, yeah.
00:26:36.000 And then all the jokes ensured. 0.95
00:26:38.000 I mean, Chappelle has a fucking brilliant bit about that. 0.98
00:26:40.000 Oh, my God. 0.97
00:26:41.000 I don't know that bit.
00:26:42.000 Yeah, it's new.
00:26:42.000 It's a new bit.
00:26:43.000 I don't want to give it up because it's going to be on a special. 0.88
00:26:46.000 It's fucking amazing. 0.77
00:26:48.000 It's a strange time, man. 0.97
00:26:52.000 Douglas Murray, who's this British intellectual, genius guy, he said every civilization that's falling apart in the dying days of civilization, they become obsessed with gender. 0.98
00:27:05.000 They become obsessed with gender swapping and men dressing up like women and women dressing up like men.
00:27:10.000 They become obsessed with blurring the lines.
00:27:14.000 He believes it has something to do with...
00:27:16.000 I don't want to put words in his mouth.
00:27:18.000 I believe what he said was it has something to do with excess and indulgence and too much prosperity and that people just start looking for conflicts that don't exist.
00:27:28.000 They start looking for just weird ways to be non-conformist, weird ways to get attention.
00:27:34.000 Yeah, that makes sense because it's a sign of a really good society.
00:27:38.000 Things are going very well.
00:27:39.000 You have so much time to even worry about exactly how you feel hour to hour.
00:27:45.000 Yeah, but on the other hand, throughout history, people have felt trans.
00:27:49.000 People have felt like they're in the wrong body.
00:27:51.000 I was going to ask, what's the big deal?
00:27:53.000 Because that's always around.
00:27:55.000 Always been around.
00:27:55.000 So it's what?
00:27:56.000 When a bunch of people are chasing that trend is what he means?
00:27:59.000 Yes.
00:28:00.000 Well, it's when society embraces that trend to the point where it becomes something to strive for.
00:28:05.000 Like, if you do that and you lean towards that, you will get an immense amount of positive attention publicly.
00:28:13.000 You know, when I was in high school...
00:28:15.000 When I graduated, I was probably 95, but that was when the tunnel and the limelight and all those clubs were in New York.
00:28:21.000 And I remember the change from where people throwing around the F word of gay to where it was cool. 0.96
00:28:29.000 And people that were not at all gay were faking it because they go to these clubs. 0.53
00:28:33.000 They were getting drugs from these older guys.
00:28:37.000 And they were acting gay? 0.82
00:28:38.000 I had a friend that died. 0.59
00:28:40.000 It was really wild.
00:28:41.000 He's on an episode of the Club Kid episode of Donahue.
00:28:46.000 Oh, wow.
00:28:47.000 Yeah, and he ended up dying of like a speedball or something.
00:28:49.000 But it started to be like cool.
00:28:52.000 And it was like a party thing where it was, you know, the people were like, you're not a lesbian.
00:28:57.000 I just remember that shift where it was like hip.
00:29:00.000 It became a cool thing to be.
00:29:01.000 Yeah, but that's because there was like a club scene that was making it cool.
00:29:04.000 You know, I don't know how, I'm assuming around the rest of the country it wasn't necessarily like that.
00:29:07.000 Well, it's interesting how people will follow trends, even if those trends look ridiculous.
00:29:11.000 Here's a great example. 0.99
00:29:13.000 Rob Halford, lead singer of Judas Priest, who's a fucking animal, right? 1.00
00:29:17.000 Amazing singer, just a fucking incredible rock star, gay as fuck. 1.00
00:29:22.000 And Rob Halford convinced all these guys that were into metal back then to dress up like a guy would go to a leather bar. 0.99
00:29:30.000 So, like, his style of, like, leather hats and open leather vests with no shirt on and leather pants, like, these guys all started dressing.
00:29:39.000 Straight guys started dressing like gay guys who'd go to leather bars. 0.95
00:29:44.000 Like, he got them all dressed like him.
00:29:48.000 It's kind of amazing. 0.83
00:29:50.000 That's what a beast he was.
00:29:51.000 Yeah.
00:29:52.000 It is.
00:29:52.000 I think the problem, it's like...
00:29:54.000 You got another thing coming.
00:29:58.000 We have to just, to be a society, we have to have groups.
00:30:02.000 And then you go, okay, it's like...
00:30:04.000 Men and women, and that doesn't quite do it. 0.98
00:30:06.000 But then, what's happening now, it's like everyone's getting their very, very specific thing they feel.
00:30:12.000 And we need to, like, have some folder where we put a bunch.
00:30:16.000 You're saying other.
00:30:17.000 Because everyone's gonna feel...
00:30:18.000 You're saying a box called other.
00:30:20.000 I don't know how many boxes there needs to be, but there seems like we're getting to a point, like this woman who every hour changes her gender. 1.00
00:30:27.000 That seems like you've got to jump into one of the boxes.
00:30:30.000 She's only a woman sometimes, though, dude. 1.00
00:30:31.000 Don't be rude. 0.99
00:30:32.000 You're being so fucking rude. 0.98
00:30:36.000 Assuming she doesn't get surgery, I imagine that's a phase. 0.99
00:30:39.000 It's a guy.
00:30:40.000 Yeah, but the girl will watch him with the bracelets. 0.72
00:30:42.000 That's clearly a phase, right?
00:30:45.000 A phase, yes.
00:30:46.000 Yeah, like, I don't see that one getting into the real world now. 0.97
00:30:50.000 I didn't see a lot of other shit getting into the real world, so I could be wrong. 0.98
00:30:53.000 She's going to be a Fox News mother when she's 50. Yeah? 0.99
00:30:57.000 Yeah, because that's like a following of a band.
00:31:00.000 That's what that is, right?
00:31:01.000 That's what my girlfriend said.
00:31:02.000 She goes, my girlfriend was in high school.
00:31:04.000 She's like, everybody was trying to be hardcore.
00:31:05.000 Like, who's the most core?
00:31:07.000 And then it's like that, but without the band.
00:31:09.000 And then, you know, queer instead of core. 0.96
00:31:11.000 And that's the whole...
00:31:13.000 You know, like punk was in when I was in high school.
00:31:15.000 Right.
00:31:16.000 You're a rebel.
00:31:17.000 Yeah.
00:31:17.000 You're a part of the new wave of kids coming up.
00:31:20.000 It's gonna change society.
00:31:21.000 And you feel shame.
00:31:22.000 You're like, I'm just a guy.
00:31:23.000 And you're like, you're not in the group.
00:31:25.000 I don't even think it's changed society.
00:31:26.000 I think it was just look, like be part of a scene and look cool.
00:31:29.000 It's just now you don't need a band at all.
00:31:31.000 It's like beyond any kind of punk.
00:31:33.000 But the other thing is, the people that do it, they'll oftentimes discriminate against people who assume traditional gender roles. 0.99
00:31:41.000 Like, uh, look at you, fuckin' cheerleader. 1.00
00:31:44.000 In the real world, like you were talking about the they that screwed up. 1.00
00:31:50.000 Like, I'm curious, like, from that, that's the height of ridiculous, but it's like kids on TikTok. 0.88
00:31:54.000 In the real world, what's the level of, what level of ridiculous actually comes out, you know?
00:32:01.000 That's where it kind of matters, right?
00:32:03.000 Outside of just kids doing it in TikTok.
00:32:06.000 Because that seems like it'll be a real phased out trend with the bracelet girl.
00:32:11.000 Who knows?
00:32:12.000 Because if corporations continue to gravitate towards wokeness, That might be something that like helps you in the corporate world. 1.00
00:32:23.000 Like to have your fucking beads on. 0.98
00:32:25.000 People were making fun of they's and them's just five, six years ago. 0.99
00:32:31.000 And now it's like people have that in their pronouns in their bio on their Twitter page.
00:32:37.000 Those are like old-fashioned.
00:32:38.000 Like bug is...
00:32:40.000 Something like my pronouns are bug.
00:32:42.000 What is bug?
00:32:43.000 Is that a real one?
00:32:44.000 Yes.
00:32:45.000 What is bug?
00:32:46.000 No, really?
00:32:47.000 I swear to God bug.
00:32:48.000 I don't know.
00:32:49.000 There's also bunny.
00:32:50.000 I know bunny is one.
00:32:51.000 Bunny?
00:32:52.000 Bunny is one.
00:32:53.000 Bunny?
00:32:53.000 Yeah.
00:32:54.000 Bunny is a pronoun?
00:32:54.000 Yeah.
00:32:55.000 It's a fucking rabbit. 1.00
00:32:56.000 It's like bun, buns, bunny. 1.00
00:32:58.000 Come on.
00:32:59.000 I swear to God.
00:33:00.000 This is the most probably Americans have ever studied pronouns.
00:33:04.000 This conversation?
00:33:06.000 We should be the one to teach.
00:33:08.000 Yeah, what if there's a university course you could take on gender pronouns?
00:33:11.000 There's a ZZER that goes... 0.97
00:33:13.000 The list of ZZER breakdowns...
00:33:15.000 It's literally like 20 different ways you can say ZZER. I'm not even sure what ZZER is, but I saw the list.
00:33:24.000 The crazy thing is it's compelled in a lot of places.
00:33:27.000 You have to use those words.
00:33:30.000 It's compelled speech.
00:33:33.000 Maybe we're just...
00:33:34.000 How did, uh...
00:33:37.000 Like...
00:33:37.000 What do you got here?
00:33:38.000 Bugs.
00:33:39.000 Oh my god.
00:33:40.000 Bug wants to work by Bug's self.
00:33:42.000 Card grew up in scope during the protest movements of 2020. These days, many of its more than two million pages are...
00:33:49.000 What is Card?
00:33:50.000 This is an article from the New York Times talking about neo-pronouns.
00:33:53.000 This is the New York...
00:33:54.000 Neo-pronouns.
00:33:55.000 What's the headline of the article?
00:33:57.000 Uh...
00:33:59.000 A guide to neopronous.
00:34:00.000 Are you a person, a place, or a thing?
00:34:02.000 We have good news.
00:34:03.000 No, you don't.
00:34:04.000 You don't have any good news.
00:34:06.000 That's the New York Times, dude.
00:34:07.000 Oh, I'm pre-prin-prin-self.
00:34:12.000 Oh my god, they are a prince?
00:34:13.000 Is that what that is?
00:34:15.000 Oh my god, prince?
00:34:17.000 What is that?
00:34:19.000 Non-binary pronouns as well.
00:34:21.000 One in five Americans?
00:34:22.000 Jesus Christ.
00:34:24.000 One in five Americans have non-binary pronouns?
00:34:26.000 No, know someone who uses them.
00:34:28.000 That seems high.
00:34:29.000 Well, you know someone if you follow libs of TikTok.
00:34:32.000 Yeah, well, I mean...
00:34:34.000 Know in person.
00:34:35.000 Yeah, I don't know anyone that has a they-them, but I'm a 54-year-old man. 1.00
00:34:39.000 One in five is herpes statistics.
00:34:41.000 That's a lot.
00:34:43.000 I think the other four are lying.
00:34:45.000 I think everybody has herpes.
00:34:46.000 I think I'd rather deal with herpes than...
00:34:51.000 This gets into a weird part of English.
00:34:53.000 A noun self pronoun?
00:34:54.000 I'm not quite sure how to explain that to anybody.
00:34:57.000 A neopronoun can also be a so-called noun self pronoun in which a pre-existing word is drafted into use as a pronoun.
00:35:07.000 Look how they write it.
00:35:09.000 N-O-U-N self pronouns.
00:35:11.000 It's not even...
00:35:12.000 What is that word?
00:35:13.000 What is a noun self pronoun?
00:35:15.000 Kitten self.
00:35:17.000 What is that word?
00:35:19.000 Noun self?
00:35:22.000 Noun self, you know.
00:35:23.000 Noun self.
00:35:24.000 That word, looking at that word looks so crazy.
00:35:27.000 Noun dash self.
00:35:28.000 It's in the New York Times.
00:35:29.000 It must be real. 0.99
00:35:30.000 I know, but when you see noun self, you're like, what in the fuck are we doing? 0.92
00:35:33.000 Noun self pronoun can refer to animals. 0.79
00:35:36.000 So your pronouns can be bun, bun self, and kitten, kitten self. 0.99
00:35:41.000 What the fuck is a bun? 0.99
00:35:42.000 It can be a vamp, though. 1.00
00:35:43.000 Oh my god, vamp self. 0.97
00:35:45.000 You could be a werewolf. 0.96
00:35:46.000 But then what?
00:35:46.000 That doesn't tell me.
00:35:47.000 First of all, vampire.
00:35:48.000 Finally I get to be a werewolf.
00:35:49.000 I want to be all by my kitten self.
00:35:51.000 Are you a boy or a girl vampire?
00:35:51.000 That doesn't even tell me your gender still.
00:35:53.000 Look at this.
00:35:54.000 Or even just common slang like in it, in its, in itself.
00:35:58.000 Well, my in itself says, so hey, are you going to take in itself to the movies tonight?
00:36:05.000 I'll probably take kitten self.
00:36:07.000 Kitten work, cool.
00:36:09.000 These kids need jobs in a mine. 0.99
00:36:10.000 They need to work in a coal mine making the metal that you need for cell phones. 1.00
00:36:14.000 You need to work right next to the African kids that are digging Coltrane out of a fucking mountain. 1.00
00:36:20.000 Yeah, tell them, like, I'm a bun self. 1.00
00:36:22.000 In the Congo, yeah.
00:36:23.000 Call me bun self, like, are there buns?
00:36:25.000 I'm very hungry. 1.00
00:36:26.000 They need to be in West Virginia in the middle of a fucking coal mine hanging out with those meth heads. 1.00
00:36:30.000 Yeah, tell them you're a bun self. 1.00
00:36:32.000 Some of this could be a troll, but that's kind of fun that they mention that.
00:36:35.000 What?
00:36:35.000 It says that like...
00:36:36.000 What's playful?
00:36:37.000 You can't tell what's what.
00:36:39.000 Yeah.
00:36:39.000 For those unfamiliar with the culture surrounding neopronouns right now, it's likely impossible to distinguish between what's playful, what's deeply meaningful, and what's people being mean.
00:36:50.000 Who?
00:36:50.000 What?
00:36:51.000 Who's being mean?
00:36:53.000 Making fun of it.
00:36:54.000 Like us?
00:36:55.000 Are we being mean?
00:36:56.000 Or making a werewolf self.
00:36:59.000 Oh my god.
00:37:00.000 It's so indulgent.
00:37:02.000 It's indulgent.
00:37:03.000 It's people looking to be special when they don't have anything that separates them from the herd.
00:37:08.000 You know, there's nothing about you that's special, so you decide you're a kitten self.
00:37:12.000 What would you say? 0.63
00:37:13.000 I think, Joe, your clown makeup is where you have the chance to... 0.78
00:37:18.000 Spread your wings. 0.92
00:37:18.000 He's like, how does my clown make up? 0.92
00:37:21.000 Well, you were telling me about this fucking clown. 1.00
00:37:24.000 I told you to save it. 1.00
00:37:25.000 You were telling me where we were having espresso.
00:37:26.000 Oh, the greatest. 0.98
00:37:27.000 Yeah, we were having espresso talking about the great French clowns. 1.00
00:37:31.000 The guy showed you. 0.97
00:37:33.000 The guy who's the number one clown in the world. 0.99
00:37:35.000 He's the best clown. 0.99
00:37:36.000 He's so good. 0.98
00:37:37.000 He doesn't use makeup anymore.
00:37:39.000 He passes the makeup.
00:37:40.000 That's what I took from it.
00:37:41.000 He has little red glasses. 0.98
00:37:42.000 He's such a master clown, he no longer needs a nose. 0.55
00:37:45.000 Do you slowly take away, like your shoes get shorter as you get better? 0.98
00:37:49.000 You lose your nose.
00:37:49.000 You can dress like a normal person.
00:37:51.000 The highest level is business suit.
00:37:53.000 Right, right. 0.98
00:37:54.000 That's the best clown. 0.90
00:37:56.000 But it's very like Montreal, I mean, wait, I don't remember his name. 0.93
00:38:00.000 It's like Gallier.
00:38:01.000 The picture of him is great.
00:38:02.000 Your light is on.
00:38:03.000 I know. 1.00
00:38:03.000 You fucking grandpa. 1.00
00:38:04.000 Yeah, what is that? 1.00
00:38:05.000 Why does it do that?
00:38:06.000 Because it's on.
00:38:08.000 It's so that you could use it.
00:38:10.000 Hold on.
00:38:10.000 Like if you want to see something in the dark.
00:38:12.000 This is the boomer episode.
00:38:13.000 It turns on all the time.
00:38:14.000 We don't know what genders are. 1.00
00:38:15.000 Yeah, it's a button.
00:38:16.000 It's on your screen.
00:38:17.000 I know how to turn it off because it happens a lot.
00:38:19.000 This guy, yeah. 0.93
00:38:19.000 That's the head clown? 0.93
00:38:21.000 Philip Gallier. 0.99
00:38:22.000 Miserable looking fellow. 1.00
00:38:23.000 He looks like shit. 1.00
00:38:24.000 And there's accusations of cultiness. 1.00
00:38:27.000 Cultiness?
00:38:29.000 Yeah, it sounds like... 0.99
00:38:30.000 That's the number one clown of all time. 0.71
00:38:33.000 Get us some video on this, man, young Jamie. 0.89
00:38:36.000 There's a BBC thing of, like, the master of clowns. 0.53
00:38:38.000 Let's see him. 0.97
00:38:40.000 Oh, clown master workshop. 0.99
00:38:41.000 Oh, he's got a master workshop. 0.98
00:38:43.000 Now, see how they have the nose hung around their neck like a medallion?
00:38:46.000 The nose is around the neck? 1.00
00:38:48.000 Oh, Jesus Christ, look at these fucking people. 1.00
00:38:52.000 They have a clown workshop. 1.00
00:38:54.000 Someone should do a documentary on what takes place.
00:38:58.000 Give me some volume on this guy.
00:38:59.000 He's the boss.
00:39:00.000 Scorn was pointed.
00:39:02.000 It's a delicate balance.
00:39:03.000 At whom the finger of scorn was pointed.
00:39:07.000 It's a delicate balance.
00:39:08.000 It's a really delicate balance, but I am a really delicate guy.
00:39:13.000 It's too long.
00:39:13.000 It's too long.
00:39:14.000 Gallier has a school in Paris.
00:39:16.000 He's taught some of the world's top performers, including Emma Thompson, even Sacha Baron Cohen.
00:39:25.000 He himself is someone who is very entertaining as a teacher.
00:39:32.000 So he entertains us for the full five hours each day of the workshop.
00:39:36.000 Oh, God.
00:39:37.000 Five hours.
00:39:38.000 By the way, she had theater... 1.00
00:39:40.000 Theater kid energy reeking every day.
00:39:45.000 Can you show me a video of him doing clown stuff?
00:39:47.000 I want to see the master at work.
00:39:49.000 You drop pencil, you go to pick it up, but you kick it forward, then you pick up the pencil.
00:39:53.000 I do not need the makeup.
00:39:55.000 Well, he trashes them. 0.98
00:39:56.000 They do their clown presentations. 0.97
00:39:58.000 No! 0.86
00:40:01.000 It does not mean that we stick to one theory.
00:40:03.000 There's theory.
00:40:04.000 There's clown theory.
00:40:05.000 Oh, Christ.
00:40:06.000 On clowning? 0.95
00:40:07.000 First of all, what gender are you? 0.54
00:40:09.000 Let me hear this. 0.96
00:40:09.000 Are you a bug self? 0.96
00:40:11.000 I am clown self. 0.99
00:40:13.000 The only clown is a sound guy. 1.00
00:40:19.000 This is fucking terrible. 0.99
00:40:23.000 There's one called The Master of Clowns, or The Clown Master, and it's better because it shows the people getting torn down. 0.99
00:40:33.000 They just finished their presentation and he's like Gordon Ramsay trashing their... 1.00
00:40:39.000 I love the idiot sandwich Gordon Ramsay. 1.00
00:40:42.000 I see people use it as memes when you put bread by your head and you have to say they're an idiot sandwich. 1.00
00:40:47.000 You ever see him do that? 1.00
00:40:48.000 No, he does that?
00:40:49.000 Yeah, it's like a meme now, but he would...
00:40:51.000 He'd put bread on this chick's head and he goes, what are you? 1.00
00:40:55.000 You're an idiot sandwich. 1.00
00:40:56.000 Oh, you have to say it? 1.00
00:40:57.000 Is that a Hell's Kitchen thing?
00:40:59.000 Yes.
00:41:00.000 It's one of the degrading.
00:41:01.000 It's the only way to get attention, though, if you're going to do one of those shows.
00:41:04.000 You almost have to be mean. 0.99
00:41:06.000 There's so much crap out there. 0.99
00:41:07.000 Everybody knows who Simon Cowell is. 0.99
00:41:09.000 Yeah, why did Ellen get such a hard time for her Simon Cowell? 1.00
00:41:13.000 Well, it was different.
00:41:14.000 I bet Simon offstage is probably a nice guy.
00:41:17.000 Oh, right.
00:41:18.000 You know what I'm saying?
00:41:18.000 It's like when you're pretending to be a nice person and then offstage you're horrible to the people that work for you.
00:41:24.000 Oh, boy.
00:41:25.000 Oh, my God.
00:41:26.000 This is great.
00:41:26.000 Give me some volume.
00:41:27.000 I think we were embarrassed.
00:41:29.000 We...
00:41:30.000 We are not sure if you are happy to see us.
00:41:33.000 Yeah, happy time.
00:41:34.000 Absolutely.
00:41:36.000 Awful.
00:41:36.000 He kind of takes on a role at the center of the audience and gives them a voice.
00:41:41.000 So if there's a tiny bit of laughter, he won't say, oh, it's all right.
00:41:46.000 He'll say, no, it's horrible.
00:41:48.000 Your feedback is quite brutal.
00:41:52.000 Jamie, Jamie, go back to that.
00:41:55.000 Go back to right where it was.
00:41:57.000 It's all right.
00:41:57.000 He'll say, no, it's horrible.
00:41:59.000 Your feedback is quite brutal.
00:42:01.000 Have you ever felt guilty about something that you've said to someone?
00:42:05.000 Not at all.
00:42:06.000 If you want to discover your clown, you have to hear the audience and when they laugh, it's me. 0.98
00:42:14.000 When they don't laugh, your clown is not close to your body. 0.78
00:42:19.000 I need to see this guy do clown stuff because right now I'm just hearing clown theory from him. 0.96
00:42:24.000 Very cocky. 0.96
00:42:25.000 Yeah.
00:42:26.000 It's like someone teaching a stand-up comedy class and you don't see their set, which is like often the case.
00:42:31.000 Have you ever watched a stand-up comedy class?
00:42:33.000 I took one when I first started. 0.99
00:42:35.000 Many times, not all the time, many times they are run by the worst fucking comics that have ever lived. 0.99
00:42:41.000 Yes. 1.00
00:42:42.000 Yes.
00:42:43.000 Yeah, the only...
00:42:44.000 The first time I ever heard of that...
00:42:46.000 Did you know Stu?
00:42:47.000 Do you know Stu Kamens?
00:42:48.000 Do you remember him?
00:42:49.000 No.
00:42:49.000 From like the 90s?
00:42:50.000 But he had been on like...
00:42:52.000 Like with Jeff Ross and like...
00:42:55.000 Every like 90s stand-up thing I would see, Comedy Central, I would see him pop up.
00:42:59.000 But he taught a class.
00:42:59.000 But it was made...
00:43:00.000 When you say it, it's funny because I'm sure he showed his set to the class a lot.
00:43:03.000 Like, this is a great...
00:43:05.000 I'm sure there's also people showing their set, like, this is how you do it.
00:43:09.000 It's like when you date an actress and she shows you her reel.
00:43:12.000 That's never happened to me.
00:43:13.000 I've had that.
00:43:13.000 I've had that.
00:43:14.000 You're like, what is this?
00:43:16.000 You usually have one line in a commercial.
00:43:18.000 You could barely...
00:43:19.000 It's a few strung together.
00:43:21.000 But it's much better than if you're over a friend's house and it's a guy and he shows you his reel.
00:43:27.000 Then it's like, this is death.
00:43:29.000 I have to get a new friend.
00:43:30.000 Or someone sings you a song and they wrote.
00:43:32.000 Oh no.
00:43:33.000 Or you're in a car and they trap you.
00:43:35.000 Hey, you gotta listen to this.
00:43:36.000 And they put the CD in and you're like...
00:43:38.000 Dude, I knew a guy that would bring girls home, this was years ago, and his room was right by the living room, so they'd go in his room, and you would hear first his reel.
00:43:49.000 No.
00:43:51.000 Like, first they watched his reel, then... 0.99
00:43:52.000 Oh my god, and then they would have sex? 0.87
00:43:55.000 And she'd be like, oh my god, you were on Law& Order for real? 0.90
00:43:59.000 That sounds pretty good.
00:44:01.000 No, there's nothing like that on the real thing.
00:44:03.000 It's just funny to hear, like, that's such a, it's such an actors and such.
00:44:06.000 Such an actor thing.
00:44:07.000 Yeah, like, you know, I guess I've never dated an actress now, but I think about it. 0.97
00:44:11.000 Well, it's such a mentally ill profession because you go in there, right? 1.00
00:44:15.000 If they weren't mentally ill when they started acting, they become mentally ill through this whole audition process. 0.91
00:44:22.000 Because you're insecure, you're trying, am I going to make it?
00:44:24.000 Is this going to happen for me?
00:44:25.000 And then you go in this room...
00:44:27.000 And you have to perform for these people.
00:44:29.000 And they're just like stoic, dead-faced.
00:44:32.000 And they're like, thank you.
00:44:34.000 And you leave and you're like, I want to kill myself. 0.95
00:44:37.000 And then you just want to do drugs or have sex or do something to try to distract yourself and drown out the pain. 0.95
00:44:43.000 And then next thing you know, you're doing it again.
00:44:45.000 You're doing it again.
00:44:46.000 You're getting rejected ten times a day.
00:44:47.000 And you're not selling like a t-shirt, you're selling yourself.
00:44:49.000 Do you like, no?
00:44:51.000 It is war class. 0.64
00:44:53.000 It's war class. 0.63
00:44:54.000 Yeah, but why, like in high school, the theater kids, I remember not even understand until later, like how much they were like, debauched.
00:45:02.000 A lot of them.
00:45:03.000 They were all fucking earlier than any, than the kids from the bad neighborhood, you know what I mean? 0.94
00:45:07.000 Right, right. 0.90
00:45:07.000 Not where I came from. 0.90
00:45:10.000 Oh, like Connecticut?
00:45:11.000 I was in the theater thing.
00:45:14.000 In Connecticut?
00:45:14.000 We did The Wiz.
00:45:16.000 It was an all-white school.
00:45:17.000 We did The Wiz, which is an all-black play.
00:45:20.000 Did you do blackface?
00:45:22.000 No, I was the scarecrow.
00:45:23.000 Did anybody do blackface?
00:45:25.000 No.
00:45:25.000 But we had one black girl in the school, and they cast her as a munchkin.
00:45:31.000 The one black girl in our whole school was... 1.00
00:45:33.000 Why isn't she the Diana Ross character? 1.00
00:45:34.000 I don't know.
00:45:35.000 I don't know. 1.00
00:45:36.000 Fuck. 1.00
00:45:37.000 This is way back when. 1.00
00:45:39.000 The fact that we did the Wiz at all, right?
00:45:40.000 Come on in, ease on down the road.
00:45:42.000 They actually had the woman who did it on Broadway, who did the music on Broadway.
00:45:45.000 Their director came to our school for a day because our director knew this lady.
00:45:49.000 And she was just so disgusted.
00:45:51.000 She was like, come on, ease on down, ease on down. 1.00
00:45:53.000 And we're like, ease on.
00:45:54.000 She couldn't get us to... 0.95
00:45:55.000 You were singing like Ben Shapiro.
00:45:57.000 Ease on down. 0.98
00:45:58.000 Ease on down. 0.98
00:45:59.000 Ease on down. 0.98
00:45:59.000 Ease on down to Sherry's Barry's. 0.98
00:46:00.000 That sounds like...
00:46:01.000 It's fine, it's fine.
00:46:01.000 That's the best Ben Shapiro impression ever.
00:46:04.000 When you do Ben Shapiro, I cry.
00:46:06.000 Has he seen it?
00:46:07.000 He's so funny.
00:46:08.000 I think you sent him the Biden Shapiro one.
00:46:10.000 That's right.
00:46:11.000 So I guess...
00:46:12.000 Oh, that's right.
00:46:12.000 He enjoyed it, actually.
00:46:13.000 That's cool.
00:46:14.000 We thought it was funny.
00:46:14.000 When he was sitting on...
00:46:15.000 When he was sitting on Biden's lap.
00:46:18.000 Oh, you sent him that one?
00:46:19.000 Yes.
00:46:19.000 Okay.
00:46:23.000 He was pretty tiny in that one.
00:46:24.000 I think I've sent him multiple ones.
00:46:26.000 We have a Star Trek one coming out with him.
00:46:28.000 He's playing Spock.
00:46:31.000 The editing work, I need editing help, but most of my time I'm editing.
00:46:38.000 Are you an editor?
00:46:39.000 Do you know how to do it?
00:46:40.000 Yes.
00:46:40.000 Do you know how to use the computers and everything?
00:46:42.000 Yes, I edit everything and it takes forever.
00:46:44.000 Using Avid, what are you using?
00:46:45.000 Yeah, I use Premiere Pro.
00:46:47.000 And it's just like, it knocks me down.
00:46:49.000 It just takes out so much energy.
00:46:51.000 You need Adderall.
00:46:52.000 Yeah, I think I need drugs.
00:46:53.000 I think that's the answer.
00:46:54.000 Or another editor.
00:46:55.000 A lot of those guys are on Adderall.
00:46:57.000 It's such a...
00:46:58.000 It's so hard to sleep when you edit all day.
00:47:00.000 I wake up.
00:47:01.000 I edit all day.
00:47:01.000 I collapse.
00:47:02.000 Wake up. 0.99
00:47:02.000 And then, like, now my sleep is so fucked up because... 0.99
00:47:05.000 Oh, I can imagine. 0.98
00:47:06.000 Well, Adderall should help with that.
00:47:10.000 Adderall and India.
00:47:11.000 You want a great sleep battery.
00:47:12.000 You need a double A combination.
00:47:14.000 You need a good doctor.
00:47:15.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:47:16.000 I went to a sleep doctor and it was helpful, but the actual cure for sleep is so annoying.
00:47:21.000 It takes about a week, but it really works if you're having trouble sleeping.
00:47:24.000 You have to get up out of bed if you can't sleep immediately.
00:47:27.000 And you get up and you read or whatever.
00:47:29.000 And then when your head starts bobbing, you get back into bed.
00:47:32.000 And after about a week, your brain goes, okay, we hit this bed, we sleep.
00:47:36.000 Really?
00:47:37.000 It's really annoying, because for a week you don't sleep much at all. 0.90
00:47:39.000 Tim Dillon told me he quit drinking coffee and it fucking completely cured all of his sleep problems. 0.58
00:47:44.000 No, he doesn't have sleep problems. 0.97
00:47:47.000 You don't drink coffee?
00:47:49.000 Every now and then I do, but like...
00:47:51.000 It's just my mind is racing around.
00:47:54.000 So it's just work?
00:47:55.000 Just work stuff?
00:47:56.000 Yeah, also music loops in my head incessantly.
00:47:58.000 Sometimes it gets into some annoying loop.
00:48:01.000 Stuff like that.
00:48:02.000 Just for no reason lying in bed?
00:48:04.000 It sounds like acquired savantism.
00:48:09.000 It's a loop.
00:48:10.000 Do you know that guy, do you see that, the guy that he got like, it's always like a head injury.
00:48:15.000 Yeah, quiet.
00:48:16.000 Oh, right, right, right.
00:48:17.000 You get hit by lightning and you can read minds.
00:48:19.000 Some guy hit his head on a pool or something and then he started playing keyboards.
00:48:23.000 So he just sees black and white boxes and he only gets like a third of what's like, it's like almost too, yeah, like the stuff's all there and too much of it's coming in at once and he has to The guy from Oasis got hit in the head with a hammer.
00:48:36.000 Then he said he liked music.
00:48:37.000 There's another story about that.
00:48:38.000 Really?
00:48:38.000 A hammer?
00:48:39.000 That's one of the English things.
00:48:41.000 A hammer?
00:48:42.000 I got hit with a hammer.
00:48:44.000 A hammer?
00:48:45.000 There's like a one and a...
00:48:46.000 That's Scottish, I think?
00:48:50.000 That's not English. 1.00
00:48:51.000 You have a tiny chance of getting hit in the head and having some kind of superpower.
00:48:55.000 Yeah, it's very low. 1.00
00:48:57.000 Most of the time we just get dumb. 0.95
00:48:59.000 There's a disease that I... Wouldn't be bad to have. 0.94
00:49:02.000 Normally a disease you don't want, but this disease I found, it's not bad.
00:49:06.000 It's called Williams, and this side effect is you're friendly.
00:49:12.000 There's a video of this girl, and she's just like, hugs are the best!
00:49:15.000 And her sisters have to be like, no, you can't hug strangers. 0.99
00:49:20.000 It's an amazing side effect.
00:49:21.000 She's so happy.
00:49:22.000 Especially during a pandemic, that's not a good...
00:49:25.000 No.
00:49:25.000 How'd she get it?
00:49:26.000 I think you're just born with it.
00:49:27.000 But there's a guy, a really annoying guy, interviewing her, and he's like, I like when you smile.
00:49:32.000 It makes me smile.
00:49:33.000 And she's like, uh-huh, I like to smile.
00:49:35.000 He's like, well, that makes me feel good.
00:49:37.000 Does that make you feel good, that I feel good?
00:49:39.000 She's like...
00:49:40.000 So she doesn't recognize him being annoying?
00:49:44.000 I think she kind of...
00:49:45.000 There's a little bit in her face.
00:49:46.000 But she tolerates it because she's so nice?
00:49:48.000 She's so happy, but part of...
00:49:50.000 He almost knocked it out of her. 0.51
00:49:52.000 Maybe that's the cure.
00:49:53.000 Just being around someone who's really bad.
00:49:54.000 It's called Williams?
00:49:55.000 I've never heard of that.
00:49:56.000 Does it do anything else?
00:49:58.000 I mean...
00:50:00.000 No, I don't think so.
00:50:01.000 Here it is.
00:50:02.000 What are the effects of Williams Syndrome?
00:50:04.000 Williams Syndrome is a developmental disorder that affects many parts of the body.
00:50:07.000 This condition is characterized by mild to moderate intellectual disability or learning problems, unique personality characteristics, distinctive facial features, and heart and blood vessels. 0.96
00:50:17.000 So this is like a shit about being nice. 0.95
00:50:18.000 What sounds bad when they say it? 0.99
00:50:19.000 They don't say nice.
00:50:21.000 It doesn't say being nice at all.
00:50:22.000 Wow.
00:50:23.000 It was a YouTube video, Williams Syndrome, side effect friendliness.
00:50:28.000 Wow.
00:50:29.000 I don't do deep research.
00:50:31.000 Good move.
00:50:32.000 If you know all the facts, it'll fuck up your comedy.
00:50:35.000 Would you like a job reporting at Rolling Stone on the health beat? 0.99
00:50:41.000 How fucking crazy is that story? 1.00
00:50:44.000 And by the way, if people don't know that that's complete bullshit, they're not going to know. 1.00
00:50:48.000 Because that is so bald-faced lie that the people that are like, no, yeah, watch Colbert and are like, oh, it's a horse dewormer. 0.99
00:50:57.000 There's nothing you're going to ever tell them.
00:50:59.000 You know what I mean?
00:51:00.000 Well, the narrative has gotten out.
00:51:02.000 So if you're not a person who looks into these stories, the narrative is ivermectin is a horse dewormer.
00:51:08.000 And Rolling Stone actually printed a story that said that there was a hospital that had so many cases of overdose of horse dewormer that gunshot wound victims Had to wait.
00:51:25.000 They could not get into the emergency room.
00:51:27.000 Complete, total fabrication.
00:51:30.000 They had no cases of ivermectin poisoning.
00:51:34.000 None.
00:51:35.000 Zero zilch.
00:51:36.000 Not only that, you can't find any in the whole country.
00:51:39.000 There's none.
00:51:40.000 It's not toxic.
00:51:41.000 It's a lie.
00:51:42.000 Not only that, the doctor that was in that story hadn't worked in that emergency room for months.
00:51:49.000 It was a complete fabrication.
00:51:51.000 Rolling Stone did no research and just printed it.
00:51:54.000 And then Rachel Maddow tweeted it.
00:51:56.000 And then all these other lefties started tweeting.
00:51:59.000 They all ran to Newsweek.
00:52:00.000 They all ran the same...
00:52:02.000 The same story.
00:52:02.000 That's crazy!
00:52:03.000 Never looked into it, never verified it.
00:52:06.000 Journalism has become so clickbait-driven that this was a great story, you know, and it was right after I said that I had taken ivermectin, which I also said I had taken monoclonal antibodies, by the way, which is Regeneron, which Fauci has said keeps 85% of the people who take it out of the hospital.
00:52:24.000 Oh, horse re-wormer probably?
00:52:28.000 Meanwhile, Ivermectin, there's multiple randomized controlled studies on this stuff.
00:52:35.000 The guy got a Nobel Prize and invented it because it's one of the most important drugs in human history.
00:52:39.000 It's one of the World Health Organization's essential medicines.
00:52:43.000 And the idea that they're just defaming this drug and defaming me by saying that it's horse dewormer is hilarious. 0.97
00:52:50.000 Did you see this dipshit from The Intercept? 0.92
00:52:54.000 First of all, I love Jimmy Dore. 0.98
00:52:56.000 He played, you know, that was going around.
00:52:59.000 I can't remember the name of the reporter.
00:53:00.000 It's from Intercept, but it's a hack.
00:53:04.000 And Jimmy put up that World Health Organization, just the information about the drug with no comment.
00:53:09.000 So this guy, oh, we're into horse dewormers now, right?
00:53:13.000 And some woman tweets, like, my family lives in a third world country.
00:53:16.000 And, you know, they're not just giving the vaccine away to people who can't afford it in other countries.
00:53:21.000 They have to use ivermectin.
00:53:23.000 She says, it saved my family's life, the ones that took it. 1.00
00:53:26.000 So this fucking piece of shit digs into her history, like her personal history, and finds she had a DUI. This is what he uses his journalistic... 1.00
00:53:36.000 Connections for it.
00:53:36.000 She had a DUI 10 years ago, and he posts that and goes, oh, I really want to know what you think.
00:53:42.000 Emoji car crash to like beer steins.
00:53:44.000 Oh my god.
00:53:45.000 And basically Doxter, that was his response to someone whose third world parents are, family is safe from the drug. 1.00
00:53:52.000 That's so, like the DUI thing is so crazy to me, because I thought it was going to be, he just said something stupid. 1.00
00:53:58.000 That's like vicious. 0.99
00:54:00.000 Well, this is these ideologically driven ideas.
00:54:06.000 Like, you're either on our side or you're on the enemy's side.
00:54:10.000 It's so tribal. 0.87
00:54:12.000 Like, the idea that a medication...
00:54:13.000 By the way, I listed off a bunch of medications that I took.
00:54:16.000 And the reason why I did is because I wanted people to know what I took because I felt great.
00:54:20.000 Right.
00:54:21.000 Because I was already feeling better. 0.69
00:54:23.000 That's the craziest boy!
00:54:24.000 It was Wednesday.
00:54:25.000 By Friday, I had tested negative.
00:54:28.000 I mean, this is a five-day period.
00:54:31.000 Two days where I didn't feel good. 0.99
00:54:33.000 One day I felt like shit. 0.99
00:54:34.000 One day I didn't feel so bad. 0.99
00:54:36.000 And then Wednesday, when I put the video out, I felt pretty fucking good.
00:54:39.000 I mean, I was out walking around in my backyard, having a good time outside, playing with the dog. 0.93
00:54:44.000 Like, I didn't feel 100%, but I felt pretty fucking good.
00:54:47.000 And that's when I put the video out, because I had to say, Chappelle and I weren't doing that arena that weekend.
00:54:53.000 I had to cancel it, and this is why, because I got COVID. But I wanted to let everybody know all the different stuff that I took.
00:54:59.000 By the way, I'm not an anti-vaxxer.
00:55:01.000 I've encouraged my parents to get vaccinated.
00:55:03.000 I've encouraged all my overweight friends to get vaccinated, at least most of them.
00:55:07.000 I was about to take the vaccine myself.
00:55:12.000 The UFC allocated a bunch of vaccines.
00:55:16.000 And I showed up to get vaccinated.
00:55:18.000 And there was a mistake, and they said, the way the CDC has it, you have to actually go to the hospital.
00:55:24.000 And I said, I can't do that right now, but I'll be back in two weeks.
00:55:27.000 Can we do it then?
00:55:28.000 They said, yes, fine.
00:55:29.000 And so then, in between that two weeks' time, the Johnson& Johnson vaccine, which is the one that the UFC had allocated, got pulled because people were getting blood clots.
00:55:37.000 So then I went, hey...
00:55:39.000 And so then I started looking into it, and then two people that I know had severe side effects of getting vaccinated.
00:55:45.000 Just random, because I know a lot of people.
00:55:47.000 It's fairly safe.
00:55:49.000 If you look at the numbers, like the people that have adverse side effects versus the people that don't, it's not even 1%.
00:55:55.000 It's a very small percentage of people that have adverse side effects.
00:55:59.000 Well, if you're in that percentage of the people where it's adverse, because I have it, I didn't, I was like, I don't care, I'll just take a chance.
00:56:07.000 But if you're the kind of person that does, and I know people that, I told you my one friend, Steve Bryan, he had COVID, then he got the vaccine later, like after he's over it, and then he got Delta and had to be hospitalized, and the doctor's like, you know how rare this is?
00:56:23.000 Is your friend in poor shape?
00:56:25.000 No, now he's better.
00:56:26.000 No, I think he has asthma, though.
00:56:29.000 But does he exercise?
00:56:31.000 I don't know.
00:56:31.000 He's not in like...
00:56:33.000 I don't know his...
00:56:35.000 He doesn't smoke.
00:56:36.000 Does he look healthy?
00:56:37.000 Yeah.
00:56:39.000 That video you put out, I saw one where they put a filter on making you look more sick.
00:56:43.000 MSNBC, CNN, they put a yellow filter on it.
00:56:46.000 They made me look like I had jaundice.
00:56:48.000 Really?
00:56:49.000 That's good reporting.
00:56:50.000 Dude, it's crazy.
00:56:51.000 Dude, if it's...
00:56:52.000 Okay.
00:56:53.000 Somebody said horse goo.
00:56:56.000 I swear to you.
00:56:57.000 That's where I got horse gum from.
00:56:58.000 So...
00:56:59.000 But then you got better...
00:57:00.000 So basically their story is...
00:57:02.000 Horse dewormer is really effective, ultimately, because you're, like, way better.
00:57:07.000 Well, I was good then.
00:57:09.000 Right.
00:57:09.000 I was literally testing negative two days after that.
00:57:13.000 So at that time, maybe they didn't think I was good.
00:57:16.000 Like, I saw some vice story that said I was unconvincing, saying that I felt good.
00:57:21.000 I was like, how am I convincing?
00:57:23.000 I'm talking.
00:57:24.000 I'm not coughing.
00:57:24.000 Oh, that's an objective journalistic term.
00:57:27.000 It's all bullshit because it's like they've decided that I'm against their ideology and their ideologies. 0.99
00:57:34.000 Everyone must get vaccinated. 0.99
00:57:36.000 You know, I don't think there's anything wrong with understanding all of the treatments that are available on top of being vaccinated.
00:57:44.000 Even if you are vaccinated, you should probably seek out aggressive treatment if you get sick.
00:57:51.000 I have friends that are vaccinated that immediately upon finding out they had COVID, because now I know 14 people who are vaccinated who also got COVID after they were vaccinated.
00:58:01.000 But I have friends that immediately sought out the same kind of treatment that I did.
00:58:06.000 They got on monoclonal antibodies.
00:58:07.000 They got on a bunch of different things that I got onto.
00:58:09.000 Some of them even got on ivermectin.
00:58:12.000 There's a whole frontline critical COVID care group on Twitter and they detail all the randomized control studies that have been done on ivermectin and the fact that it has been used for RNA viruses throughout the history of its use.
00:58:29.000 It's over 40 years old.
00:58:31.000 It's been around forever, and this drug has a long history of use on Zika virus, on dengue fever, and yellow fever.
00:58:42.000 It's not horsey worm.
00:58:45.000 It's for poor people, though. 0.97
00:58:47.000 Yeah, well, I'll take poor drugs.
00:58:50.000 I eat poor people food.
00:58:52.000 Does Dr. Fauci say it's something?
00:58:54.000 No, he doesn't.
00:58:55.000 But it's also, and this is not a conspiracy theory, it's a generic drug, meaning it's been around for so long, anyone can make it.
00:59:11.000 The thing is, what I said was not, hey, you don't need a vaccine, just take this stuff.
00:59:17.000 I did not say that.
00:59:18.000 I don't even know what you said.
00:59:19.000 I read it.
00:59:20.000 I saw a headline.
00:59:22.000 All I said was what I took and that I felt great.
00:59:26.000 Is there any, and this is a real question, is there any news source that's, besides the Al Jazeera News Network, that's like legit where you really get good news?
00:59:38.000 I would have said The Intercept back when Glenn Greenwald was with them.
00:59:41.000 Everything's compromised, dude.
00:59:42.000 I think everything's compromised.
00:59:43.000 I think you have to go on Substack, and I think there's independent video people.
00:59:48.000 That I follow, that I know, like Jimmy Dore, who's super legit.
00:59:52.000 Matt Taibbi, super legit.
00:59:53.000 But Jimmy I love, but I just mean as a journalist.
00:59:56.000 Yes.
00:59:56.000 Matt Taibbi is literally as good as it gets as a journalist.
00:59:59.000 Then you have The Hill.
01:00:02.000 I think they do a really good job.
01:00:04.000 Rising, that show Rising, the new people on it.
01:00:06.000 And then the people that left, Crystal and Sagar, who now have their show Breaking Points, which is fantastic.
01:00:11.000 What's that on?
01:00:12.000 Yeah, I like that show.
01:00:13.000 It's on YouTube.
01:00:13.000 Oh, it's on YouTube.
01:00:13.000 They're undeniable.
01:00:14.000 They're undeniable.
01:00:15.000 They are so honest and so legit, and there's never a slant, or they don't omit things because it doesn't align with their ideology.
01:00:23.000 Also, she's very left-wing, he's right-wing, and the two of them complement each other perfectly.
01:00:29.000 It's a good show.
01:00:30.000 It's a great show.
01:00:31.000 It will they or won't they, you're saying.
01:00:33.000 LOL. Kyle Kalinske, he's another one.
01:00:37.000 Completely trust him.
01:00:39.000 There's people that are just honest people.
01:00:41.000 He really punked out with Jimmy.
01:00:42.000 I was very gravely disappointed watching him do that, Kyle Kalinske.
01:00:47.000 What do you mean? 0.99
01:00:47.000 That bullshit the Young Turks tried to do with Jimmy with... 0.99
01:00:51.000 You don't remember that whole story? 1.00
01:00:52.000 Kyle Kalinske did?
01:00:53.000 Yeah, but he was working with Young Turks at the time.
01:00:55.000 What are you talking about?
01:00:56.000 Kyle Kalinske was never working with Young Turks?
01:00:58.000 His channel had something to do with them at the point when...
01:01:00.000 You don't remember the whole Jimmy controversy with Anna Kasparian?
01:01:04.000 Kyle Kalinske?
01:01:05.000 Are you sure that Kyle Kalinske had something to do with the Young Turks?
01:01:08.000 He's been independent, I think, the entire time.
01:01:10.000 He's been on YouTube.
01:01:11.000 Well, I don't know.
01:01:13.000 I was under the impression it was like he was part of something with them because of the way he was deferring to it.
01:01:19.000 I don't know that he is now.
01:01:20.000 But it was like a real punk move, I thought, how he handled it.
01:01:25.000 I don't know what you're talking about.
01:01:26.000 What did he do?
01:01:27.000 So Jimmy, that chick from the Young Turks, the I'm better than you chick. 0.81
01:01:32.000 The I'm better than you chick?
01:01:33.000 You're talking about Anna Kasperi?
01:01:35.000 She says, I'm better than you?
01:01:36.000 You've never seen the famous clip of her going, I'm better than you!
01:01:39.000 No, I haven't seen that. 0.99
01:01:40.000 She stinks. 1.00
01:01:42.000 Oh, how rude. 1.00
01:01:44.000 The burp, or they're saying that?
01:01:45.000 Well, whatever.
01:01:48.000 I've had nothing but good experiences with her, I should say.
01:01:50.000 I've had her on the podcast before, I've been on her show.
01:01:52.000 Their show trashed me years ago.
01:01:54.000 I'm sure they've trashed me, too.
01:01:55.000 They were just jumping on it.
01:01:57.000 They're heavily left-wing.
01:01:59.000 No, they've moved because they've got money now, so they're moving center.
01:02:03.000 You know, Cenk doesn't like unions, and they're so left, but he's not into it.
01:02:07.000 Are they center now?
01:02:08.000 Well, they just got a big cash influx from Katzenberg, whatever that group is.
01:02:13.000 I've read some of this stuff.
01:02:14.000 So they're moving.
01:02:16.000 Yeah, right, because you want to be friends with people, right?
01:02:17.000 But I don't know them.
01:02:19.000 I'll give it up.
01:02:19.000 This guy, Josh Zepp, did defend me when Senk was going in on me.
01:02:22.000 Josh Zepp's from Australia?
01:02:24.000 Yeah, he was like...
01:02:25.000 He's great.
01:02:26.000 Yeah, I like that guy.
01:02:27.000 So...
01:02:28.000 She lied about Aaron Mate, who's a very good reporter.
01:02:31.000 Yes.
01:02:31.000 Okay, I do know about that.
01:02:33.000 She said he's a Russian agent and all this nonsense, because he reports on Syria.
01:02:37.000 Okay?
01:02:39.000 So Jimmy's talking about it on his show, and she sends him a little blackmail thing.
01:02:43.000 Like, I have this story I've been sitting on.
01:02:44.000 Oh, okay.
01:02:44.000 I know what you're talking about now.
01:02:45.000 That you said nice news skirt to me years ago.
01:02:48.000 And it was a threat, like, you're going to stop talking.
01:02:51.000 So he just blew it up himself.
01:02:53.000 Well, he had said something about her dressing inappropriately.
01:02:57.000 He made a joke about her dressing inappropriately in the workplace.
01:03:00.000 Right, at their frat boy environment. 0.99
01:03:01.000 I mean, imagine a man wearing his Daisy Dukes and hanging his balls out of the side. 0.96
01:03:07.000 And a female makes a joke, like, hey, nice news attire, dude. 1.00
01:03:11.000 And you're like, oh my god, I'm assaulted.
01:03:14.000 And the guy's the boss, by the way.
01:03:16.000 Right, but... 1.00
01:03:18.000 On the other hand, do you give a fuck if a girl wears a skirt and, like, has her legs showing at a... 1.00
01:03:26.000 Do you give a fuck? 1.00
01:03:27.000 The whole point is, she didn't do anything other than, like... 1.00
01:03:29.000 Because she's joking.
01:03:30.000 Yeah, like, it's...
01:03:31.000 Look, if somebody exposes themselves in front of a room of people, it is uncomfortable to not...
01:03:36.000 As a comedian, it's odd to be, like, not saying...
01:03:39.000 So...
01:03:41.000 The message above the blackmail message is, hey, you're doing great.
01:03:45.000 Great to see you.
01:03:46.000 The whole point is, all of this was to just distract from the Aaron Maté thing, which they've never taken back, calling him a Russian agent.
01:03:53.000 So that's a cheap...
01:03:54.000 You're not supposed to use that stuff as a ploy.
01:03:57.000 It's about the Syria thing, yeah.
01:03:59.000 Like a thing that didn't...
01:04:00.000 You've been sitting on it just in case.
01:04:02.000 All these political people think that's the way you operate.
01:04:05.000 You're like, oh, I have this story I can use if I ever need it.
01:04:07.000 Well, it's not just that.
01:04:08.000 It's putting it down in print.
01:04:10.000 And then the fact that he just went out and just said it.
01:04:13.000 It's great that he did that.
01:04:14.000 This is what happened.
01:04:15.000 Yeah, this is what I said.
01:04:16.000 And then some people criticized him for...
01:04:18.000 Kyle Kalinske did. 0.97
01:04:19.000 Slut shaming. 1.00
01:04:20.000 Oh, he did? 0.98
01:04:20.000 Yeah. 0.98
01:04:20.000 See, that's what I'm not aware of. 0.98
01:04:21.000 So this is what I'm not aware of.
01:04:23.000 What did he say? 0.78
01:04:24.000 It's like if I heard someone said that, I'd punch him in the notes. 1.00
01:04:27.000 Just some dumb shit that he looked like he didn't want to say, by the way. 1.00
01:04:30.000 But he has to because he has a relationship that he's got to pay fealty to first. 1.00
01:04:34.000 That's what it looked like to me.
01:04:37.000 I like Kyle a lot.
01:04:39.000 But I'll still watch any of these shows.
01:04:41.000 I don't have a thing where, you know, it's like Stern versus O&A feelings.
01:04:45.000 People develop these opinions about things and then, you know...
01:04:52.000 That's a weird one.
01:04:54.000 The whole thing is weird, because it's weird to accuse someone of something like that just because they're criticizing you about a particular— Well, if this person's a danger, and you've been cool with them up until they call you out for a thing you did lie about, now suddenly you're like, oh,
01:05:09.000 I'm bothered.
01:05:10.000 That's real vile and calculated, isn't it?
01:05:13.000 I'll be at Laugh Boston on New Year's.
01:05:14.000 Well, it's definitely like a card that you had.
01:05:17.000 You gonna be at Laugh Boston on New Year's?
01:05:19.000 I was just trying to jump in.
01:05:20.000 Are you really gonna be there on New Year's?
01:05:21.000 You ever do Laugh Boston?
01:05:22.000 But it's August or September or something.
01:05:24.000 That's so far from now.
01:05:25.000 I know.
01:05:25.000 I was just making a joke.
01:05:26.000 No one's gonna remember.
01:05:27.000 I know.
01:05:27.000 I was just making a funny joke.
01:05:28.000 A hilarious joke.
01:05:29.000 Are you trying to chime in?
01:05:30.000 I just thought, like, you guys know something I don't know, and then I felt jealous and I wanted to jump in.
01:05:35.000 I didn't know about all this.
01:05:37.000 He knows a lot of information.
01:05:38.000 I didn't know Kyle had anything to do with any of this stuff.
01:05:40.000 It just looked like, alright, you see, you gotta, like, not...
01:05:43.000 I like the way you can't help but say the thing.
01:05:46.000 Do you know what I mean?
01:05:47.000 I hate that, like, diplomatic...
01:05:49.000 Where I'm like, like, there's no way you think that Jimmy should be punching the nose.
01:05:53.000 There's no way you really think that. 0.99
01:05:55.000 You're saying it because you have to suck up. 0.99
01:05:57.000 Right, right, right. 0.99
01:05:57.000 I can't stand that. 0.99
01:05:58.000 Like, I'd rather blow a relationship.
01:06:00.000 Well, can you imagine if someone was in a workplace environment, and there was a girl with like a super, super short skirt, and then you were like, nice, appropriate workplace environment, and then you walked up to that guy and gave him a concussion.
01:06:15.000 Just punched him in the face, his nose explodes. 1.00
01:06:18.000 Oh, what the fuck, man? 1.00
01:06:20.000 He falls down, bangs his head off the ground. 1.00
01:06:22.000 Also, Kyle wouldn't punch anybody.
01:06:23.000 You could tell he's not a puncher-in-the-nose guy.
01:06:25.000 But that's a crazy thing to say.
01:06:28.000 You know what it sounded like to me?
01:06:30.000 It sounded like me as a kid in Jehovah's Witness Kingdom Hall...
01:06:34.000 Saying the thing I know the adults want to hear from my like well, that's very good Kurt you said the thing like a thing that right I know this that's what it came off like well You've said this multiple times because you did grow up in a cult because you did grow up in Jehovah's Witnesses that you Recognize this sort of behavior in a lot of this woke bullshit that it is just like a call not just that I mean that's the obvious kind of thing but There's a thing of don't harm the organization.
01:07:01.000 This is across everything, not just religion or whatever, that don't harm the organization.
01:07:06.000 Maybe you know a fact, but if it harms the overall organization, we don't want to let that get out.
01:07:13.000 And they all have that.
01:07:15.000 Young Turks turn on Julian Assange. 0.50
01:07:17.000 You're like, I think he loves Trump. 1.00
01:07:19.000 That's the kind of shit they say about the guy because he let those Hillary emails out. 0.99
01:07:23.000 It's not that he told a lie. 1.00
01:07:25.000 He didn't say she took horse dewormer or something.
01:07:27.000 He put out real factual information, but they feel like it cost her in the election, and you're supposed to hide the truth because our team might not win, right?
01:07:35.000 And you're supposed to just think like that if you want to be part of the team.
01:07:38.000 Have you ever seen the video of the Young Turks watching the election?
01:07:42.000 Yeah, it's great.
01:07:42.000 It's one of the greatest things of all time.
01:07:44.000 At the beginning, they are so fucking... 0.99
01:07:46.000 Trump's going down. 0.99
01:07:48.000 This is going to be fucking awesome. 0.99
01:07:49.000 We're going to have our first woman president, Hillary Clinton. 1.00
01:07:52.000 And then halfway in, they're like, fuck! 1.00
01:07:55.000 They film that and put it out? 1.00
01:07:57.000 It's amazing!
01:07:58.000 It's a live coverage.
01:07:59.000 It's live coverage. 1.00
01:08:01.000 That was like the year that any idiot could have told you that she wasn't going to win? 1.00
01:08:04.000 I don't know, man. 0.99
01:08:05.000 In 2016, there's a lot of people thought that she was going to win.
01:08:09.000 A lot of people thought she was going to win.
01:08:11.000 I mean, all of the news organizations were projecting that Hillary Clinton was going to win.
01:08:15.000 Yeah, because they're completely out of touch with anything anyone thinks or feels.
01:08:18.000 I agree, but still, the narrative was out there that she was going to win.
01:08:22.000 And then when you're in these thought bubbles, like Los Angeles, which is like, there's so many people in LA that are just completely subscribed to the Democratic Party.
01:08:33.000 Yeah, New York is like that.
01:08:34.000 That's how New York was.
01:08:35.000 Blue, no matter who, and that's just how you are. 0.97
01:08:38.000 If you're a good person, you vote blue.
01:08:40.000 And it's managed to sink the state.
01:08:42.000 And if you look at the policies, because of this lack of competition, because of this lack of diversity of thought, the state has sunk.
01:08:49.000 The taxes are at an all-time high.
01:08:52.000 Somebody sent me this meme. 0.97
01:08:53.000 It's fucking hilarious. 0.95
01:08:55.000 I'm going to send this to you, Jamie. 0.99
01:08:56.000 This is California in a nutshell, Jamie.
01:09:00.000 I'm going to send this to you right now.
01:09:01.000 You see the thing that came out where Rose McGowan, I guess Gavin Newsom's wife called her and asked her, what does she want to not talk about Weinstein? 0.99
01:09:10.000 Yes, what the fuck? 1.00
01:09:11.000 Dude, what in the holy fuck? 1.00
01:09:13.000 Oh, Rose McGowan is such a loose cannon, that's great. 1.00
01:09:16.000 She's a wild lady. 1.00
01:09:17.000 That's the funniest thing, because she was in the beginning, when she saw Me Too going back, she didn't hold back saying...
01:09:24.000 Oh my god. 1.00
01:09:26.000 Thank God California banned plastic straws, and it's this homeless encampment, this fucking giant garbage dump. 1.00
01:09:32.000 It's so perfect. 0.99
01:09:34.000 That is so perfect for California.
01:09:36.000 I mean, it's crazy. 0.99
01:09:37.000 And when that guy was mayor of San Francisco, he sucked too. 0.94
01:09:39.000 That's when I first heard of him, was seeing how bad San Francisco it got.
01:09:42.000 Do you know the whole thing about his house?
01:09:44.000 No.
01:09:44.000 He was gifted a three and a half million dollar house.
01:09:47.000 Right.
01:09:47.000 And it was like gifted to him as a part of an LLC that he became a part of.
01:09:51.000 Oh, that's nice.
01:09:52.000 And then he took a mortgage on his house for like two plus million.
01:09:56.000 And so they literally gave him millions of dollars.
01:10:00.000 Yeah.
01:10:00.000 And it's like somehow or another some very bizarre legal loophole where you're the governor of California and they can give you millions of dollars.
01:10:08.000 Yeah, right.
01:10:09.000 And then right in front of everybody's face, they gift you a house.
01:10:12.000 Yeah.
01:10:12.000 No, well, you're definitely not obligated to do anything that you wouldn't do.
01:10:16.000 That's just for him.
01:10:19.000 Do they always give the governor a house?
01:10:22.000 I've never heard that someone...
01:10:24.000 Recently, I paid $400,000 for a Hunter Biden painting, so I understand...
01:10:30.000 Sometimes you appreciate art.
01:10:32.000 Dude, there's this couple that's getting divorced, and they have $600 million worth of art.
01:10:39.000 It is the biggest single art collection that's ever going up for auction.
01:10:43.000 And there's one painting that they have on the wall that is a 2007 painting by some person I've never heard of.
01:10:50.000 I obviously don't know much about modern art in particular.
01:10:54.000 And it's worth, I think, $40 to $60 million.
01:10:59.000 That's it.
01:10:59.000 Oh, nice.
01:11:01.000 Yeah, $40 to $60 million. 0.99
01:11:02.000 It's a fucking splatter. 0.99
01:11:04.000 You know what that looks like, Kyle? 1.00
01:11:05.000 That looks like a good pussy's background. 1.00
01:11:07.000 That does, yes. 1.00
01:11:09.000 Look at this.
01:11:10.000 It says, Cy Twombie's untitled work from 2007 has an estimate of $40 to $60 million, courtesy of Sotheby's. 0.99
01:11:17.000 What in the fuck are you talking about? 0.98
01:11:19.000 Did you imagine? 1.00
01:11:20.000 $40 to $60 million is an insane house on a massive piece of land.
01:11:26.000 Are they able to say, like, what about that is good?
01:11:29.000 With Ferraris!
01:11:29.000 This is like the original NFTs, guys.
01:11:31.000 Come on.
01:11:32.000 But this is so crazy. 0.99
01:11:33.000 Like, for $40- $60 million, you should have a fucking insane house, a private jet, a Ferrari, a Mercedes, a crazy game room, full bar, movie theater. 0.99
01:11:46.000 I would have just a shitty house and that painting. 0.99
01:11:49.000 Nothing else would be nice, and I'd just have that. 0.99
01:11:51.000 I mean, fucking imagine! 0.98
01:11:53.000 Just imagine that that's worth $60 million. 0.98
01:11:56.000 Please don't look at any of the other images.
01:11:57.000 I just want to concentrate on the other one, Jimmy.
01:11:59.000 I don't know what that is.
01:12:00.000 That's Pinocchio.
01:12:01.000 The other one is Pinocchio's head.
01:12:02.000 They found Pinocchio's skeleton.
01:12:04.000 Scroll down.
01:12:04.000 Is that true?
01:12:05.000 Look at that.
01:12:06.000 I didn't know that was a real guy.
01:12:07.000 That's worth a billion dollars.
01:12:08.000 That's the actual Pinocchio.
01:12:09.000 That's a fossil of Pinocchio.
01:12:10.000 What is that?
01:12:11.000 It's a lion. 1.00
01:12:12.000 Fuck. 1.00
01:12:12.000 He's lying about Marilyn Monroe and that. 1.00
01:12:15.000 The whole thing is so insane.
01:12:17.000 That painting is so insanely bad.
01:12:18.000 Does anyone try to explain why it's good?
01:12:21.000 Does anybody try to say...
01:12:23.000 See, I can make that.
01:12:24.000 See, I cannot do the Mona Lisa.
01:12:26.000 I know why it's good, because it's a huge canvas.
01:12:27.000 It's all about how big the canvas is.
01:12:29.000 That doesn't make any sense.
01:12:30.000 There's no sense to this.
01:12:32.000 There's zero sense to that being worth 40 to 60 million dollars. 0.99
01:12:35.000 I don't give a fuck who made it. 0.99
01:12:36.000 I don't give a fuck where he's from, where he went to school, who he mentored under. 1.00
01:12:41.000 Fuck you, eat shit. 1.00
01:12:42.000 That's not 40 million dollars. 1.00
01:12:44.000 I could see it being worth 35 million, but I agree with you.
01:12:46.000 I could see that worth 3,500.
01:12:48.000 It's worth $3,500.
01:12:49.000 Steve Martin would be able to tell you if it's good or not.
01:12:54.000 That's his big thing.
01:12:55.000 Yeah?
01:12:55.000 Yeah.
01:12:56.000 But it doesn't matter.
01:12:57.000 This is only worth what people are willing to pay for it.
01:12:59.000 And I guess some people are willing to pay for it because this gentleman, Ty Twombie, is apparently a very famous artist.
01:13:06.000 Which I get.
01:13:07.000 Okay, that's fine.
01:13:08.000 But there's no way I can do that.
01:13:10.000 I mean, I can make that.
01:13:12.000 This is a Cy Twombie.
01:13:13.000 I 100% can make that, and I'm not a good painter.
01:13:15.000 Well, you know, you ever see that documentary about the guy duplicating Vermeer paintings?
01:13:21.000 Yes, I have.
01:13:22.000 Like, being a counterfeiter must be so easy now.
01:13:24.000 Do you know the story about The Lost Da Vinci?
01:13:28.000 No, I saw a commercial, but I never saw it.
01:13:31.000 It's a crazy story. 0.99
01:13:32.000 This painting was sold, someone bought it from a fucking yard sale or something ridiculous like that, or a pawn shop. 0.99
01:13:40.000 For a ridiculously small amount of money, like a thousand bucks or something like that. 0.97
01:13:45.000 And then they realized that there was layers of paint on top of this painting and that they sent it to this art restorer.
01:13:55.000 And I don't understand the process of restoring truly ancient paintings.
01:13:59.000 But apparently it's a painstaking process that took, I want to say it took a decade.
01:14:06.000 And during this decade, this person worked on it full-time, every day, all day.
01:14:11.000 And they took layer upon layer of this old paint off very, very slowly.
01:14:18.000 Like an archaeologist.
01:14:19.000 Yes, like an archaeologist.
01:14:20.000 Turns out, they think it was initially a Leonardo da Vinci.
01:14:26.000 And that Leonardo da Vinci painted this.
01:14:29.000 This is the painting.
01:14:30.000 So this is...
01:14:31.000 Show what it looked like.
01:14:33.000 So who painted over a Leonardo Di Finci painting?
01:14:35.000 Find the original, if you could find the original.
01:14:38.000 They don't know.
01:14:40.000 This is the other problem.
01:14:41.000 When they did a scan of the painting, they believe that there's multiple years and multiple layers of the painting, so they think that Some of the painting might have been Leonardo da Vinci, but then some of the painting might have been someone else copying da Vinci or someone else painting on it at a later date.
01:15:01.000 Whether it was da Vinci or not that did that, it's debatable.
01:15:06.000 Right.
01:15:07.000 The painting is owned by some Saudi royal.
01:15:11.000 And he paid, I think, $450 million.
01:15:16.000 I think it's like the most expensive painting of all time.
01:15:19.000 And now it's like sitting on his yacht somewhere.
01:15:22.000 I mean, that does look like a multiple gender portrait of someone.
01:15:25.000 They wanted to put it in the Louvre, but he wanted it to be next to Mona Lisa and say it was the male Mona Lisa and they refused because they said it's under controversy.
01:15:36.000 See if you can find the original Salvador Monday, the original, what it originally looked like.
01:15:42.000 My mother filled my room with clown paintings of a child.
01:15:45.000 Why?
01:15:47.000 I don't know.
01:15:48.000 Is that the craziest thing about Alvador Mundi original? 0.98
01:15:50.000 She's trying to raise a clown. 1.00
01:15:51.000 There was one painting where I was a clown reading the Wall Street Journal crying like it had bad stocks.
01:15:57.000 Is that the original?
01:15:58.000 No, in the lower left.
01:16:00.000 No, no, go back.
01:16:01.000 Go back.
01:16:02.000 Go back.
01:16:03.000 Go back to where you were.
01:16:04.000 Yeah, the left-hand side, up top.
01:16:07.000 Click on that.
01:16:08.000 Someone's selling it, though.
01:16:09.000 That's a poster.
01:16:11.000 What if you spend a decade on doing that? 1.00
01:16:13.000 Oh, but it looks like shit. 1.00
01:16:14.000 I know. 0.99
01:16:15.000 These are Google ads.
01:16:16.000 Wait, so had someone painted a beard on it and they just removed the beard?
01:16:19.000 But that's not what the original looked like?
01:16:21.000 I wouldn't imagine so.
01:16:22.000 Is that what the original looked like?
01:16:23.000 I'm just skipping. 1.00
01:16:24.000 I skipped past that shit. 1.00
01:16:25.000 Oh, okay. 0.99
01:16:26.000 We'll go to images.
01:16:28.000 And see what the original Paint oh, I think that's it right there the one that's all scratched up and fucked up there I think that's what it originally looked like. 0.87
01:16:38.000 Oh, yeah, so it took ten years for this person to go over it and I don't know the process and I'm not exactly sure how the fuck they do it.
01:16:50.000 Because if it's like scratched and there's paint missing and stuff, do they replace the paint?
01:16:55.000 Who replaces the paint?
01:16:56.000 How does that count?
01:16:57.000 Right, right.
01:16:58.000 Is that the original?
01:16:59.000 I don't know.
01:16:59.000 That looks bad if they're trying to make it look like that.
01:17:03.000 Because those are two different people.
01:17:05.000 I don't know.
01:17:05.000 I don't know.
01:17:06.000 Do you know that hand gesture, what that is?
01:17:08.000 That's like, I'm teaching you now hands.
01:17:10.000 What's that? 1.00
01:17:10.000 Hey, it's a motherfucker. 1.00
01:17:12.000 Hey. 1.00
01:17:12.000 Try the sauce. 1.00
01:17:13.000 That's a Sammy the Bull Gravano. 0.99
01:17:14.000 I fucking told him, get in the trunk. 0.99
01:17:17.000 Hey. 0.98
01:17:18.000 I think there's more than one Salvador Monday, but this painting is super controversial, and they don't know exactly...
01:17:29.000 See, it says Leonardo da Vinci.
01:17:30.000 They don't know exactly if Leonardo da Vinci actually even painted it.
01:17:33.000 They think he did, or at least he painted some of it, but, you know, it's hard.
01:17:38.000 How many other painters were there around the time of da Vinci that were, like, just, you know...
01:17:43.000 Right.
01:17:44.000 Like, do they hang out in a circle and then somebody's like, oh, I'm going to paint over his...
01:17:47.000 Well, maybe it's like Dave Attell, right?
01:17:49.000 Like, he's so funny that other people sound just like him.
01:17:52.000 This is how I do it.
01:17:54.000 I'm going to paint like him.
01:17:56.000 Right.
01:17:56.000 You leave New York like this.
01:17:58.000 Yeah.
01:17:58.000 And then in LA, a bunch of people copied Norm MacDonald.
01:18:01.000 Oh, really?
01:18:02.000 I saw that.
01:18:02.000 Well, I just noticed there was like...
01:18:04.000 Because we, dude, Attell, we all tried to be like Attell.
01:18:07.000 I remember first seeing him.
01:18:09.000 L.A. was like the Dane Cook squatting point.
01:18:11.000 It was like squatting point.
01:18:14.000 You know what I'm talking about.
01:18:16.000 There's a few of those guys.
01:18:17.000 They would dress like Dane.
01:18:18.000 They would wear similar baseball hats and similar clothes.
01:18:22.000 They would dress like a kid who just got off a baseball team.
01:18:26.000 Yeah, and then sound effects.
01:18:27.000 I was in New York first.
01:18:28.000 When I got out of here, there was a lot of sound effects.
01:18:30.000 I ate a hamburger.
01:18:32.000 You really saw a lot of good, like, Police Academy guy?
01:18:35.000 Yeah, yeah.
01:18:36.000 That guy was great.
01:18:37.000 That guy had the best side effects ever.
01:18:39.000 You ever see him do A Whole Lotta Love with just his mouth?
01:18:44.000 No.
01:18:44.000 See, what is his name again?
01:18:46.000 Wait, what?
01:18:46.000 What is his name?
01:18:47.000 What's his name?
01:18:49.000 The guy from Police Academy.
01:18:51.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 1.00
01:18:51.000 Shit. 1.00
01:18:54.000 Michael Winslow. 1.00
01:18:54.000 Yes, Michael Winslow. 1.00
01:18:56.000 I think, safely say, greatest sound effects artist comedian of all time.
01:19:00.000 Dude, when I was a kid, that was a thing that every, you know, like movies, people, police academy too.
01:19:05.000 Go from the beginning.
01:19:10.000 This is his voice.
01:19:11.000 Listen to this.
01:19:14.000 That's the guy with him.
01:19:34.000 That's his mouth.
01:19:36.000 Really?
01:19:36.000 Yeah.
01:19:44.000 It's amazing.
01:19:53.000 It gets better, too.
01:19:56.000 Look at that guy.
01:19:58.000 The face is perfect.
01:20:00.000 Yeah.
01:20:06.000 He's gotta pedal.
01:20:07.000 Of course he's gotta pedal!
01:20:15.000 Look at that guy's neck! 0.99
01:20:24.000 That's his mouth!
01:20:47.000 Classic.
01:20:48.000 We get it.
01:20:49.000 Do you remember that guy?
01:20:51.000 Amazing, right?
01:20:52.000 Yeah, that's incredible.
01:20:52.000 Do you remember that guy, Rozelle, that beatbox guy?
01:20:55.000 Yes.
01:20:56.000 I did a comedy show when I started where he was like the opening. 0.98
01:20:59.000 It was fucking crazy what he did. 0.96
01:21:01.000 He would do different instruments. 0.99
01:21:03.000 I don't know how he was pulling it off, but...
01:21:05.000 Beatboxing was a big deal for a while, where dudes would slap their chest and have all kinds of weird sounds.
01:21:11.000 Dude, he did stuff...
01:21:11.000 I've never seen that, though, where somebody made that kind of guitar noise.
01:21:14.000 But he's definitely using...
01:21:15.000 What is he using, Jamie?
01:21:16.000 You're an audio guy.
01:21:17.000 A guitar pedal.
01:21:18.000 Same thing you'd have for a guitar for distortion.
01:21:20.000 And you just do distortion for sound?
01:21:22.000 That's what the distortion was, yeah.
01:21:23.000 And so he can adjust the distortion with the pedal?
01:21:26.000 If he was doing a wah-wah pedal, yeah, that's what that's for.
01:21:29.000 But yeah, he just had a click-on, click-off stomp.
01:21:30.000 Oh.
01:21:32.000 Pretty amazing. 1.00
01:21:34.000 Amazing shit. 1.00
01:21:35.000 There's all kinds of comedy. 0.99
01:21:36.000 But yeah, but that's the point about the Salvador Monday.
01:21:39.000 Like, maybe it was a guy who just copied Leonardo da Vinci, like that guy who was the counterfeiter.
01:21:45.000 The Vermeer guy, yeah.
01:21:46.000 Who would make, not just Vermeer, I mean, there was one guy who would do all sorts of, like he did a Picasso, he did like multiple different great artists.
01:21:55.000 Yeah.
01:21:55.000 Can't tell the difference.
01:21:56.000 Yeah, but it's fucking, it's such a weird, like the whole art thing is such a bizarre status thing. 0.97
01:22:02.000 I was at an agent's house once in Aspen, this amazing house, and I was over this guy's house, like, wow, this house is crazy, like, how much the agents make? 0.99
01:22:11.000 All this thing is like, this guy's robbing people.
01:22:13.000 And I'm in his house, and I see this thing that's framed, and it's like this big, and it's like, Tissue paper and like color and I go, I go, is this like something his kid made?
01:22:23.000 And he goes, no, that's a blah blah blah.
01:22:27.000 That's $30,000. 0.99
01:22:29.000 I remember going, what the fuck are you talking about? 0.99
01:22:31.000 Oh, is that it? 1.00
01:22:32.000 Dude, you know, a buddy of mine, a buddy of mine is, a lot of these guys, my 11 year old can fuck that up.
01:22:40.000 She can do so much better than that.
01:22:42.000 Dude, my friends and artists who started out, you know, a lot of them started as graffiti people.
01:22:47.000 Like in New York, like Basquiat was one of those graffiti people that became an owner.
01:22:51.000 So my buddies, I didn't realize how much his stuff went for He offered me a painting, and I just wanted one, and I was like, I think it was worth like 30 grand when I looked up.
01:23:01.000 I couldn't believe it.
01:23:02.000 30 grand?
01:23:03.000 Really?
01:23:03.000 Yeah, I don't get the pricing on art.
01:23:04.000 He's a good artist.
01:23:05.000 I mean, he's a really good artist, but I was shocked at what the art world...
01:23:09.000 Look at this one, Jamie, that I just sent you, and tell me how much you think this one's worth.
01:23:15.000 Let's play.
01:23:15.000 How much is it worth?
01:23:17.000 I just want...
01:23:18.000 Let's see if Kurt and I can see who's better at guessing.
01:23:20.000 Just take a wild guess.
01:23:21.000 Okay.
01:23:22.000 That's very good under boob drawing there and some good hip action. 1.00
01:23:26.000 I don't say it's worth a lot.
01:23:27.000 That looks like an art school sketch pad from Art Institute where I went to school.
01:23:31.000 $10 million.
01:23:32.000 How much do you think it's worth, Kurt?
01:23:35.000 That looks like somebody's sketch to me.
01:23:38.000 I don't think a lot.
01:23:39.000 I think like $30.
01:23:41.000 $30?
01:23:41.000 $10 million.
01:23:42.000 $10 million.
01:23:43.000 My 11-year-old made that.
01:23:45.000 Oh, I'll give her $30. 0.97
01:23:47.000 I would pay $10 million for that.
01:23:47.000 This is how crazy it is.
01:23:49.000 That's very good.
01:23:50.000 She's very talented.
01:23:51.000 No, it is good.
01:23:52.000 And that's an 11-year-old girl who drew that off the top of her head.
01:23:54.000 But that's not splotches on a thing.
01:23:56.000 That's why I knew it wasn't going to be worth a lot of money.
01:23:58.000 But it's still, even that kind of sketch with the right artist is probably worth a preposterous amount of money.
01:24:03.000 Wait, how old is she? 0.89
01:24:04.000 She's 11. She might have been 10 when she made that.
01:24:07.000 She might have been 10 when she made that.
01:24:08.000 She's really talented.
01:24:10.000 I don't like how Kurt said that.
01:24:11.000 He wouldn't pay a lot of money for that.
01:24:12.000 But imagine, imagine that you, like, that splatter, show that other image before, which is probably worth like 50 million bucks.
01:24:19.000 How much is that worth?
01:24:21.000 Sotheby's.
01:24:22.000 How much is that worth?
01:24:24.000 Well, I know it's a lot. 1.00
01:24:26.000 This fucking guy. 1.00
01:24:27.000 Is that Ty Twombly? 1.00
01:24:29.000 He's dead!
01:24:29.000 I was trying to find his other stuff.
01:24:30.000 Oh, he's dead, that's why.
01:24:31.000 Yeah.
01:24:32.000 Ty's dead.
01:24:32.000 What's that, 20 million, that scribble?
01:24:35.000 Oh, it's Cy, C-Y. Cy Twombly.
01:24:37.000 Yeah, look what he wrote.
01:24:39.000 Imagine making a living doing that.
01:24:41.000 My husband's an amazing artist.
01:24:43.000 Oh, wow, that's cool.
01:24:45.000 I bet you his name has a lot, because first of all, that's a very good name, Cy Twombly.
01:24:50.000 That seems like a catchy art name.
01:24:52.000 This has been explained to me by friends that are artists.
01:24:55.000 This is what happens.
01:24:56.000 When you bring your stuff to a gallery, and then a big-time collector buys it, Someone who comes in and goes, I want this, is amazing.
01:25:07.000 And this is this incredible new artist.
01:25:09.000 His name is Cy Twombly.
01:25:11.000 He's incredible.
01:25:11.000 And then this one person who's in the know decides that it's good.
01:25:17.000 And then other people start buying your stuff, too.
01:25:19.000 And then it becomes more valuable because you only have so many pieces. 0.98
01:25:24.000 And if they're big pieces, like big, huge pieces, even though it looks like dog shit, it's worth even more. 0.98
01:25:30.000 It's like, that's why that piece is worth $40 to $60 million. 0.97
01:25:35.000 It's spawned a lot of people in LA to be, or probably other places too, where I know a couple of artists, but they have no training.
01:25:43.000 They just scribble like that, but they're not going to be a...
01:25:46.000 You never know.
01:25:47.000 Well, I guess.
01:25:48.000 Imagine.
01:25:48.000 What's their name?
01:25:49.000 Do they have a cool name like Cy Twombly?
01:25:51.000 I don't want to say.
01:25:52.000 No.
01:25:52.000 No, they don't.
01:25:53.000 What the fuck is that? 0.99
01:25:54.000 Like, it's a Cy Twombly. 1.00
01:25:55.000 Oh, it must be like a big...
01:25:56.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:25:56.000 If it's a Kurt Metzger, people are going to go, fuck. 1.00
01:25:58.000 It's not... 0.99
01:25:59.000 Yeah, it doesn't have the same...
01:26:00.000 Right.
01:26:01.000 Cy Twombly is an amazing scribble name.
01:26:03.000 It's not a bad scribble name.
01:26:04.000 Yeah.
01:26:05.000 But it's like, that stuff's not good.
01:26:07.000 Like, objectively.
01:26:09.000 It's got to be the last thing you buy with all your money.
01:26:11.000 I mean, you would think.
01:26:12.000 Once you have your stuff, then you go, I have so much money left. 0.95
01:26:15.000 There's people that are like these hedge fund fucks that are worth just billions and billions of dollars of nonsense money.
01:26:21.000 They're moving money around and they're making money, moving money. 0.91
01:26:25.000 And don't they have like a place, some airport where it's all...
01:26:28.000 Where they stack it?
01:26:30.000 Yeah, it was in that movie...
01:26:32.000 You know, what's the time travel movie that- Born in America?
01:26:35.000 It was in Tenet.
01:26:36.000 They rob that vault where they keep really expensive kind of paintings like Saudi princes keep.
01:26:42.000 So nobody sees them.
01:26:43.000 They're just in this vault.
01:26:44.000 I guess at some airport.
01:26:46.000 But in Tenet, I think that was a real place they were, where rich people keep their art.
01:26:51.000 Well, I imagine you have to keep everything, like, climate controlled.
01:26:54.000 Yes.
01:26:55.000 Right?
01:26:55.000 Because you can't, like, get...
01:26:56.000 Because its canvas is actually cloth, right?
01:26:59.000 So if it gets too moist, it could have...
01:27:01.000 Fungus can grow on it, I would imagine.
01:27:03.000 Yeah, right.
01:27:03.000 You said one guy had it on his yacht earlier.
01:27:06.000 Yes.
01:27:06.000 But that's the Saudi royal.
01:27:08.000 I'm sure his yacht is fucking insane and probably... 0.99
01:27:12.000 All, like, environmentally controlled. 0.99
01:27:14.000 Yeah, of course. 0.99
01:27:15.000 Yeah, I mean, if he's putting that $450 million painting on his yacht, I'm sure he's got his fucking... 0.96
01:27:21.000 I mean, like, let's find out what his yacht looks like. 0.94
01:27:23.000 Like, his yacht is probably worth a billion dollars.
01:27:26.000 I mean...
01:27:26.000 It's probably an island.
01:27:27.000 When you're dealing with these royals, especially the oil family royals, they have trillions of dollars.
01:27:33.000 This idea that Bezos is the richest guy in the world is a joke.
01:27:36.000 No, not a chance, yeah.
01:27:37.000 Because he's the richest public guy in the world.
01:27:40.000 These guys aren't public.
01:27:41.000 Oh, yeah.
01:27:42.000 These oil oligarchs, like, they don't have to tell. 0.73
01:27:45.000 They don't say what they have.
01:27:46.000 They don't have to tell how much money.
01:27:47.000 They own countries.
01:27:48.000 Where's the biggest skyscraper?
01:27:50.000 Dubai. 0.95
01:27:51.000 Okay, so you know that they don't have like a sewage system, so they have these trucks that have to carry all the shit out of those buildings. 0.98
01:27:57.000 What? 0.96
01:27:58.000 Yeah, there's a line of trucks carrying the sewage out.
01:28:00.000 Come on.
01:28:01.000 There's no need for a skyscraper in Dubai.
01:28:03.000 The reason you have skyscrapers is because there's no more space around, so you build up.
01:28:07.000 They don't have sewage?
01:28:09.000 For that building, that big one, there's a line of trucks that takes- Saudi Prince's yacht and the half-a-billion-dollar painting.
01:28:15.000 Look at him.
01:28:15.000 That is also the guy that was accused of killing- Right.
01:28:18.000 Jamal Khashoggi.
01:28:19.000 Jamal Khashoggi.
01:28:20.000 Yeah.
01:28:21.000 Seems cool.
01:28:21.000 He's also building a future city on some part of Saudi Arabia that's like underground.
01:28:27.000 Look at that yacht.
01:28:28.000 Sun.
01:28:29.000 Yeah.
01:28:30.000 That's a mansion.
01:28:31.000 No, not even a mansion, like multiple mansions on the water.
01:28:35.000 It's a hotel.
01:28:36.000 Yeah.
01:28:36.000 It's a giant hotel.
01:28:37.000 Well, maybe if Jamal Khashoggi was cooler, he could have hung out on that boat instead of being dismembered. 0.99
01:28:42.000 Keep his mouth shut. 0.98
01:28:43.000 What is that? 0.95
01:28:44.000 How much is that yacht worth?
01:28:46.000 Does it say?
01:28:48.000 It's a super yacht.
01:28:49.000 Oh, yeah.
01:28:49.000 You only got a regular yacht, bro?
01:28:51.000 No.
01:28:52.000 They sold everything together, it looks like, at least according to that.
01:28:55.000 What's that?
01:28:56.000 That yacht had the Salvador Mundi painting in it.
01:29:00.000 What?
01:29:01.000 No.
01:29:01.000 He bought it from Christie's.
01:29:04.000 What are you saying?
01:29:04.000 No, that's where he held his band.
01:29:06.000 That's where he has it.
01:29:07.000 Once hanging it in the Super Yacht.
01:29:08.000 Yeah, so it said like he sold it with it.
01:29:09.000 Hang on the wall, though.
01:29:10.000 That's crazy.
01:29:11.000 In the sea air?
01:29:12.000 What are you saying?
01:29:12.000 He sold it with it?
01:29:14.000 That's what I thought I was reading here.
01:29:16.000 No, no, no, no.
01:29:17.000 It was auctioned at Christie's.
01:29:18.000 No, no, no, no, no, no.
01:29:19.000 Oh, the painting was?
01:29:20.000 No, the painting was auctioned at Christie's for $450 million.
01:29:24.000 The yacht is where he keeps it, but the yacht is a completely separate thing.
01:29:28.000 If a yacht came with that painting, that's pretty good.
01:29:30.000 But I think the yacht is probably cheaper than the painting.
01:29:32.000 Look at that, $330 million.
01:29:34.000 That's hilarious. 1.00
01:29:36.000 The yacht is worth less than the fucking painting. 1.00
01:29:40.000 Wait, look, Bill Gates leases it for $5 million a week. 1.00
01:29:43.000 Wow.
01:29:45.000 Well, that Epstein loss really hit him hard.
01:29:50.000 I don't know what I would do.
01:29:51.000 If I had all that money, I wonder what I would do with my time.
01:29:54.000 Because I feel like a lot of what I do, I'm motivated to get more money.
01:29:59.000 I mean, I do what I'm doing, but...
01:30:01.000 Bill Gates leased it for $5 million a week.
01:30:04.000 Can you imagine you're paying $20 million a month just to lease a boat?
01:30:11.000 That's insane.
01:30:11.000 It's not a good investment either.
01:30:14.000 It's like the dumbest investment. 1.00
01:30:15.000 Do you think it comes with whores? 1.00
01:30:17.000 Of course. 1.00
01:30:19.000 Eventually whore is a complimentary like at a casino when you spend a lot of money. 1.00
01:30:23.000 Like drinks. 0.99
01:30:24.000 Yes.
01:30:25.000 But I mean that kind of money, what does it come with?
01:30:28.000 What do you get for 20 million dollars a month? 0.99
01:30:32.000 People who will never tell your dirty secrets of the shit you do on that. 0.99
01:30:36.000 I'm amazed at how many dirty secrets they tell about Gates. 1.00
01:30:39.000 With all the money that he has?
01:30:41.000 Yeah, I don't know what's true anymore.
01:30:43.000 During his divorce?
01:30:44.000 Oh, yeah, right.
01:30:45.000 They're saying he's trying to bang people at work, like...
01:30:47.000 Can you imagine getting hit on by Bill Gates, what that would be like?
01:30:53.000 It's so strange. 1.00
01:30:53.000 What about you getting hit on by Bill Gates, a little tiny guy trying to fuck you? 1.00
01:30:56.000 I could not in good conscience turn down Bill Gates. 1.00
01:30:58.000 Would you let him fuck you? 1.00
01:30:59.000 Bill Gates? 1.00
01:31:00.000 Yeah.
01:31:01.000 I mean, what do I get out of it?
01:31:04.000 Microsoft Windows for life.
01:31:06.000 I don't think I could turn that down.
01:31:08.000 No.
01:31:08.000 No.
01:31:09.000 For life?
01:31:10.000 For life.
01:31:11.000 That's a very good value.
01:31:11.000 Do you even use Windows?
01:31:13.000 No, but I might want to.
01:31:15.000 It's good to have access to all the vaccines in advance.
01:31:19.000 You can try them.
01:31:20.000 You can be part of the truck.
01:31:24.000 You can try out whatever vaccine you want, dude.
01:31:27.000 Come on, bro. 0.99
01:31:28.000 Well, because you see Bill Gates, like, I guess he tried to downplay his hanging out with Epstein, but Melinda Gates blew that shit up. 0.99
01:31:36.000 Did she blew it up? 0.98
01:31:37.000 Well, supposedly when he was getting divorced, that's his refuge, just to go hang out with Epstein.
01:31:42.000 Oh, during the divorce?
01:31:44.000 That's what he did?
01:31:44.000 Yeah, that was his...
01:31:45.000 But I thought he didn't get...
01:31:47.000 I thought she filed once, like, the reality of his relationship with Epstein came out.
01:31:54.000 I think that's what happened.
01:31:55.000 Is that true?
01:31:56.000 I'm pretty sure that's what happened.
01:31:57.000 Based on that?
01:31:57.000 Yes, yes.
01:32:00.000 You know, I'm sure a bunch of people...
01:32:01.000 I don't know if it's based on that, but it's in that same timeline.
01:32:02.000 I'm sure a bunch of people hung out with Epstein and were into of age...
01:32:08.000 Oh, yeah, for sure.
01:32:08.000 Hookers, you know?
01:32:09.000 Oh, well, not just that.
01:32:11.000 They were also interested in hanging out with all the people that were hanging out with Epstein.
01:32:14.000 Yeah, he's a vector for a lot of connections.
01:32:17.000 Well, he's like brilliant scientists, and then also heads of state, and also former presidents, and then also celebrities.
01:32:26.000 Oh.
01:32:26.000 Like, it was a very strange crew that he put together.
01:32:29.000 Like, you can't necessarily say, until he got arrested, you can't say that all those people knew what was going on.
01:32:36.000 Who knows what they knew?
01:32:38.000 They could have been invited to a party with this scientist and that scientist and this professor.
01:32:44.000 And they were, it turns out.
01:32:46.000 But why did they go?
01:32:49.000 I mean, the idea is like... 0.97
01:32:51.000 Did they all go because they wanted to have sex with 17-year-old girls? 0.64
01:32:55.000 Or did they all go because they wanted to be around all these brilliant people and have this party? 0.99
01:32:59.000 I'm sure it starts out being around these brilliant people, and then you loosen up, and then you have sex.
01:33:05.000 You get a couple of glasses of buffalo tracing you, and the next thing you know, you're like, how old is she really?
01:33:09.000 Yeah, don't tell me.
01:33:10.000 What states is that legal in?
01:33:12.000 Dude, you know, I love the classic Alex Jones video where he goes to Bohemian Grove.
01:33:16.000 Bohemian Grove, yeah.
01:33:18.000 With John Ronson.
01:33:20.000 Oh, that's right.
01:33:20.000 Yeah, so that's where like the George H.W. Bushes have to go to do coke and fuck whores.
01:33:26.000 They have to be in like a robe ceremony because they know no one will tell. 1.00
01:33:30.000 Well, even weirder than that, the way Nixon described it.
01:33:33.000 Pull up a quote, Nixon's quote on Bohemian Grove. 0.97
01:33:36.000 Nixon said it was like a lot of gay stuff. 0.93
01:33:39.000 Like these guys were doing a bunch of gay stuff. 0.86
01:33:41.000 Like out in the open in front of everybody. 0.99
01:33:43.000 Wasn't that he was famous for not fucking around like that? 0.98
01:33:46.000 No, he was not into that. 0.99
01:33:48.000 He didn't like it. 0.99
01:33:49.000 He was a very fucking buttoned up, very repressed guy. 0.98
01:33:55.000 But then if you're a boomer, like Clinton, so the old folks go to the Bohemian Grove and the boomers go to Epstein Island and you don't understand our... 0.98
01:34:04.000 I had this explained to me by a brilliant person who is one of the smartest people I know.
01:34:10.000 And the way he described it to me, he said, there are people that have achieved an immense level of financial success and public success, and they have no way to acquire the experiences that they desire.
01:34:23.000 That's right.
01:34:23.000 That's true.
01:34:24.000 And that's where a person like Epstein would come in.
01:34:25.000 It's not like poor people. 1.00
01:34:26.000 You could just fuck whores and do coke wherever the fuck you want. 1.00
01:34:29.000 You have to be in a group of other guys like you. 1.00
01:34:32.000 Yeah.
01:34:32.000 That have as much to lose as you.
01:34:34.000 If you're Bill Clinton, who are you going to bang?
01:34:37.000 You know he wants to bang people.
01:34:38.000 So who's he banging? 0.88
01:34:39.000 He's got to bang someone he really trusts.
01:34:41.000 They have to really be able to keep their mouth shut.
01:34:44.000 Or he has to know a guy who knows people that can keep their mouth shut.
01:34:47.000 I'll probably play the video of him.
01:34:49.000 Sure, sure, sure. 0.99
01:34:53.000 Homosexuality, dope, immorally, generally. 1.00
01:34:55.000 Let's hear what he says. 0.98
01:35:05.000 Oh, we're not going to hear this.
01:35:11.000 Let's just read it.
01:35:13.000 This audio is impossible. 0.92
01:35:16.000 So it says homosexuality, dope, immorality, general. 0.87
01:35:20.000 Those are the enemies of strong societies, Nixon said.
01:35:22.000 The upper class of San Francisco is that way.
01:35:25.000 It's not just the ratty part of town.
01:35:26.000 The upper class of San Francisco is that way.
01:35:29.000 The Bohemian Grove, which I attend from time to time... 0.99
01:35:32.000 It's the most faggy goddamn thing you could ever imagine with that San Francisco crowd. 1.00
01:35:38.000 I don't even want to shake hands with anybody from San Francisco. 0.99
01:35:42.000 Decorators, they've got to do something, but goddamn, we don't have to glorify it. 1.00
01:35:47.000 He taped that himself? 0.99
01:35:49.000 No, no, no.
01:35:49.000 Somebody recorded it.
01:35:50.000 Oh, I thought he wanted to tape everything he was saying.
01:35:52.000 No, no, no, no.
01:35:53.000 I don't think so.
01:35:54.000 I don't think so.
01:35:55.000 Is this from the classic Nixon tapes, or is this something else?
01:35:58.000 I don't know.
01:35:59.000 Because the Nixon tapes, he, as far as I know, I thought he was the guy that was like, this is history.
01:36:04.000 Yeah, no, you're right.
01:36:05.000 Look, the origin is a 1971 Nixon tape, but it sounds so bad.
01:36:09.000 That's what's so baffling about the Nixon tapes.
01:36:11.000 No, no, no, but I mean, it's so bad quality.
01:36:13.000 Oh, right. 0.99
01:36:14.000 Like, you barely can understand what the fuck he was saying. 0.99
01:36:16.000 Well, it's 1970. I thought it was, like, recorded, like... 0.98
01:36:20.000 Secretly.
01:36:20.000 Dude, there's a quote where he's talking about Donald Rumsfeld that I heard they used to play on like Imus' show, and it's him trashing Donald Rumsfeld.
01:36:28.000 He's a wormy little cocksucker, is he? 1.00
01:36:30.000 It's something like that. 1.00
01:36:31.000 I can't find it.
01:36:32.000 I try to find it online, but Nixon's trashing him to somebody.
01:36:36.000 It's kind of crazy if you imagine becoming that like public.
01:36:40.000 Here it goes.
01:36:40.000 President Nixon and Bob Halderman discussed Donald Rumsfeld.
01:36:42.000 Maybe that's what it is, and I'm remembering it better than it is. 1.00
01:36:45.000 A ruthless little bastard. 0.99
01:36:46.000 Oh, that's not bad. 1.00
01:36:48.000 Not bad at all.
01:36:48.000 That sounds like he's impressed with them.
01:36:50.000 Yeah.
01:36:51.000 Well, it's accurate, too.
01:36:53.000 But it's like, if you become...
01:36:56.000 Especially, you've got to imagine when Clinton was on the come-up, right?
01:37:00.000 He's the governor of Arkansas in the 80s, or whatever it was, and then he becomes president in the 90s.
01:37:07.000 There was no internet, right? 0.99
01:37:09.000 So you're doing wild shit, and people are just covering everything up. 1.00
01:37:11.000 You're trying to bang state troopers, and you're pulling your dick out in meetings, and you're like, hey, I'm the fucking mayor. 1.00
01:37:17.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:37:17.000 Yeah, rockstar. 1.00
01:37:18.000 That whole rockstar thing is the basis of a lot of anger now.
01:37:22.000 Right. 1.00
01:37:23.000 Is that like everybody worships me and just throws pussy at me and that's what I get. 1.00
01:37:27.000 Well, like JFK. JFK was famous for being this rabid pussy monger. 1.00
01:37:32.000 Did you ever watch the Gore Vidal documentary? 0.99
01:37:36.000 Which one?
01:37:37.000 United States of Amnesia.
01:37:38.000 No, I did not.
01:37:39.000 And he talks about having a picture of JFK that he keeps to never be fooled again by his smooth talking.
01:37:45.000 No.
01:37:45.000 What is it?
01:37:46.000 What's the picture?
01:37:47.000 It's just a picture of JFK. Oh.
01:37:50.000 Because JFK was like another kind of Obama guy where it's like a smooth young guy.
01:37:54.000 And United States of Amnesia is great because Gord Vidal saying stuff that applies now 100% because everybody forgets the stuff that just happened.
01:38:03.000 It's a good title for it.
01:38:06.000 But it's really interesting.
01:38:07.000 It's so bizarre to hear him talk about stuff from the 60s that now you're like, wow, he really called it in a lot of ways.
01:38:14.000 Did you ever see that documentary with Gore Vidal and William...
01:38:20.000 Yes, William F. Buckley.
01:38:22.000 William F. Buckley, yeah.
01:38:22.000 The battle of in the closet versus not in the closet.
01:38:26.000 Is that what it is?
01:38:27.000 I think so.
01:38:28.000 You think William F. Buckley was in the closet?
01:38:29.000 I mean, just watching him I think he is, but Chris Hitchens said a thing about how William F. Buckley, he kind of hinted at it slyly because he was like, you know, we would do things like, hey, you want to get a drink?
01:38:40.000 And he always seemed like he had to go off to do another thing.
01:38:42.000 Oh, yeah. 0.92
01:38:43.000 Running away from how he's gay. 1.00
01:38:45.000 Oh, interesting. 0.97
01:38:46.000 But the impression he gives off is two queens going at each other.
01:38:49.000 That's hilarious.
01:38:50.000 Is how it looks to me.
01:38:50.000 Well, the documentary is amazing.
01:38:52.000 What is it called again?
01:38:53.000 Something about enemies?
01:38:54.000 Best of enemies?
01:38:55.000 Is that what it is?
01:38:56.000 Jamie, do you know what it is?
01:38:57.000 It's a great documentary. 0.61
01:38:58.000 And I didn't know that Gore Vidal lived in the Amalfi Coast, which is pretty fucking incredible. 0.98
01:39:04.000 Yeah, in a fucking house in Ravello in Italy. 0.98
01:39:06.000 It's one of the most amazing places ever. 0.99
01:39:09.000 My family, during the pandemic, before the pandemic rather, we used to go there every year.
01:39:13.000 It's incredible.
01:39:14.000 Well, he knew stuff about... 0.98
01:39:15.000 ...fucking stunning. 0.99
01:39:15.000 Do you know stuff about FDR? Best of Enemies, yeah, that's it. 0.99
01:39:18.000 It's really incredible.
01:39:19.000 So this is like debates that they aired on television during the 60s.
01:39:26.000 And, you know, I mean, you could never have this today.
01:39:28.000 Right.
01:39:28.000 Because it's two men, ten debates.
01:39:31.000 It says television would never be the same.
01:39:33.000 It's an amazing documentary.
01:39:34.000 Right. 0.99
01:39:34.000 But that kind of shit, you can only find on podcasts now. 0.99
01:39:37.000 You would never have that level of discourse. 1.00
01:39:41.000 You could cut the sexual tension with a knife.
01:39:45.000 Frost vs. 0.99
01:39:46.000 Nixon, same thing.
01:39:50.000 What is Frost vs.
01:39:51.000 Nixon?
01:39:51.000 Oh, that's the famous...
01:39:53.000 It's the Nixon and, at the same time, it was like three days of debates.
01:39:56.000 Or it was an interview.
01:39:57.000 It was an interview.
01:39:58.000 A three-day interview, which they would never do.
01:40:00.000 By a guy who was like the Chris Hardwick of his day, who cracked Nixon.
01:40:03.000 Where Nixon goes, if the president does it, it's not a crime.
01:40:06.000 That famous thing that kind of sunk him.
01:40:08.000 Really?
01:40:09.000 Interesting.
01:40:10.000 Yeah, today, I mean, look at what Biden did going through running for president.
01:40:15.000 They literally hid him.
01:40:17.000 He never did any long-form interviews, never did any long-form discussions.
01:40:23.000 The Corn Pop one went bad.
01:40:25.000 That was the last one.
01:40:26.000 That was the last one they let him go.
01:40:28.000 The fact that he did that, he has this, I got hairy legs! 0.84
01:40:31.000 And the kids used to rub my legs! 0.83
01:40:35.000 How did he become president?
01:40:36.000 How is this a real thing?
01:40:38.000 Because anything but Trump, what I like is, Because that's where like Me Too kind of went down the tubes was, especially was with Tara Reid accusing him.
01:40:48.000 And like nobody, everybody like didn't believe her except I guess me and Kamala Harris.
01:40:53.000 Kamala Harris like, yeah, I believe her.
01:40:55.000 And then she bravely put aside her fears.
01:40:57.000 To become vice president.
01:40:59.000 Yeah.
01:40:59.000 But she does believe he did that.
01:41:01.000 That's what she said.
01:41:02.000 So he, I mean he looks like he doesn't remember anything that he did.
01:41:07.000 He probably doesn't.
01:41:08.000 I mean, you know, he's had like major brain surgery.
01:41:10.000 He had brain surgery?
01:41:11.000 No, I didn't know that.
01:41:12.000 Oh, yeah.
01:41:12.000 I didn't know that.
01:41:13.000 No, he's had major brain surgery.
01:41:14.000 Literally, they take the top of your head off. 0.79
01:41:17.000 They take the top of your skull off.
01:41:18.000 Well, that's how you get into your brain otherwise.
01:41:20.000 But he had like serious aneurysms.
01:41:23.000 He had multiple serious aneurysms.
01:41:25.000 Oh, I never heard that.
01:41:26.000 Yeah.
01:41:27.000 No, he's had surgery in his brain.
01:41:28.000 Pull up a Joe Biden brain surgery.
01:41:32.000 President Biden.
01:41:33.000 They scooped it, man.
01:41:35.000 They scooped the top, man.
01:41:37.000 That's the thing.
01:41:39.000 He served several times as a senator.
01:41:42.000 During this time as a senator, he required surgery for not one but two brain aneurysms.
01:41:47.000 The first aneurysm had ruptured, putting him in a life-or-death situation.
01:41:51.000 Doctors saved his life, and the recovery from his brain surgeries is simply astonishing.
01:41:55.000 His ability to succeed at the highest levels... 1.00
01:41:57.000 Oh, shut the fuck up. 1.00
01:41:59.000 Is this from his website? 1.00
01:42:01.000 What the fuck is that? 0.99
01:42:02.000 At that time as a senator, he didn't seem as... 1.00
01:42:05.000 I remember him always being thought of as a goofball. 0.82
01:42:08.000 Yes.
01:42:08.000 But not like now.
01:42:10.000 Now's different.
01:42:11.000 Obama had a quote.
01:42:12.000 Yeah, right. 0.90
01:42:12.000 Never underestimate Joe Biden's ability to fuck things up. 0.90
01:42:15.000 They called him Uncle... 0.92
01:42:16.000 Obama would be like, oh, Uncle Joe just says things.
01:42:20.000 That was how they pitched him.
01:42:22.000 He does seem like he changed, though, because he used to do that like, come on, man, but now it's just a lot of like, come on.
01:42:29.000 They coach him.
01:42:31.000 They coach him.
01:42:33.000 He's like, well, I'm not supposed to talk to anybody.
01:42:35.000 Remember, they go, well, I'll take a few questions here.
01:42:37.000 I'm not supposed to, but I'll take a few questions.
01:42:38.000 What about Afghanistan?
01:42:39.000 Bye.
01:42:40.000 I'm not supposed to.
01:42:40.000 Bye.
01:42:42.000 The president said, I'm not supposed to.
01:42:44.000 And then that Jen Psaki lady just gets more and more bitter and more aggressive. 0.99
01:42:50.000 What a terrible job to have.
01:42:51.000 A terrible job.
01:42:52.000 Everybody that has that job.
01:42:53.000 She's under so much pressure.
01:42:54.000 Yeah.
01:42:55.000 You gotta just sit there and basically lie to the press.
01:42:58.000 Well, not only that, you're constantly in conflict with these people that are throwing these questions at you.
01:43:02.000 And she's developed this confrontational tone.
01:43:05.000 They all end up with that, right?
01:43:06.000 They all end up with that.
01:43:07.000 How do you not?
01:43:08.000 Because it becomes very personal.
01:43:09.000 Will she be on Dancing with the Stars when this is all?
01:43:11.000 Like Spicer?
01:43:13.000 Like Sean Spicer?
01:43:14.000 He's got like a frilly shirt.
01:43:17.000 Who's that guy?
01:43:18.000 It's almost like usually, please, I'm a person.
01:43:20.000 I'm just a person.
01:43:20.000 I'm just a regular person.
01:43:21.000 Please leave me alone.
01:43:22.000 You don't have to lie in here.
01:43:23.000 It's just a job.
01:43:25.000 I didn't want the job.
01:43:26.000 They made me take the job.
01:43:28.000 Did you ever see The Madness of King George?
01:43:31.000 No.
01:43:32.000 It's good. 0.98
01:43:32.000 It's about when King George, I think they think he had pyphoria or something where your pee turns blue and you're demented. 0.98
01:43:38.000 Your pee turns blue? 0.85
01:43:39.000 Yeah, so he went crazy and then went back to normal, historically. 0.95
01:43:43.000 Allegedly.
01:43:44.000 It's like Joe Biden got better from an aneurysm.
01:43:47.000 Or Reagan, supposedly Reagan was senile the whole second term.
01:43:51.000 That makes sense.
01:43:52.000 Yeah, there was a story about it.
01:43:54.000 Right when he got out of office, his wife told us a story about he came home from...
01:43:57.000 He would go to an office and not really do work, but he came back with his hand wet.
01:44:01.000 And she's like, what is that?
01:44:01.000 And he had this little White House from the fish tank.
01:44:05.000 And he goes, this has something to do with me.
01:44:07.000 Which was like...
01:44:08.000 Wait a minute.
01:44:09.000 White House from the fish tank?
01:44:10.000 So he reached in and grabbed the little fake White House from the fish tank?
01:44:12.000 He came home and showed his wife and said, this has something to do with me.
01:44:15.000 And it was not that long after he...
01:44:17.000 Wait, where did you hear that?
01:44:18.000 That's a crazy story.
01:44:20.000 I heard from the same place about that disease that makes you friendly.
01:44:24.000 No, it was from...
01:44:25.000 I think it was, I don't know, information?
01:44:30.000 That's hilarious.
01:44:31.000 He's holding a White House fish tank bauble.
01:44:33.000 Oh, my God.
01:44:34.000 I think this has something to do with me.
01:44:36.000 This has something to do with me.
01:44:39.000 Okay, sit down.
01:44:40.000 It's interesting because during his first term, he said, he was very lucid. 0.99
01:44:46.000 He said some pretty interesting shit. 0.92
01:44:48.000 He said some quotes that to this day, people still pull up. 0.99
01:44:53.000 His terrifying things is, what can your government do for you? 0.98
01:44:59.000 The government needs to get the fuck out of your way. 0.65
01:45:02.000 And then the one speech that he gave in front of the United Nations, which is like all the UFO conspiracy theory people always pull up. 0.97
01:45:09.000 It's Reagan talking in front of the United Nations about how quickly we would put aside our differences if we're faced with a threat.
01:45:16.000 That's what Watchmen's world.
01:45:17.000 Watchmen had that.
01:45:19.000 That was the Watchmen.
01:45:20.000 Yes, that's right.
01:45:21.000 That was based on his...
01:45:22.000 An enemy.
01:45:22.000 Which I just watched again recently.
01:45:24.000 It was fucking amazing. 0.97
01:45:25.000 I like that movie. 0.99
01:45:27.000 It's a great movie.
01:45:28.000 It's a great movie.
01:45:29.000 Don't you want Biden somewhere inside a sea with a second term just to see what happens?
01:45:34.000 Oh hell yeah.
01:45:35.000 Just curious.
01:45:35.000 I'm all in.
01:45:36.000 I'm all in on the fucking chaos. 0.99
01:45:38.000 I feel like the only way people are gonna really truly understand how fucked up things have gotten is if there's consequences. 0.99
01:45:45.000 And right now, I don't feel like there's real legitimate consequences for how bad the administration is. 0.71
01:45:52.000 They just wanted anybody but Trump.
01:45:54.000 And now you've got this madness.
01:45:58.000 You've got full-on madness.
01:45:59.000 And then the Afghanistan situation, and then what's going on with China. 1.00
01:46:04.000 The EV credit is so dumb. 0.98
01:46:06.000 The what credit? 0.99
01:46:07.000 Electric vehicle credit.
01:46:09.000 It's such a scam.
01:46:10.000 What is that?
01:46:12.000 A huge amount of money going to electric vehicles.
01:46:15.000 You know, you get a discount.
01:46:16.000 But they've knocked out Tesla because they don't have unions. 1.00
01:46:19.000 It's all just like a union thing.
01:46:20.000 And they're giving $4,500 discount if you have a union.
01:46:23.000 That's why he didn't invite Tesla to the White House because he wanted...
01:46:26.000 He was going around...
01:46:29.000 It's just such a scam.
01:46:30.000 I'm torn on that.
01:46:31.000 Do Tesla employees say they should have a union?
01:46:34.000 That's what I'm torn on.
01:46:34.000 They're paid really well.
01:46:35.000 That's the thing.
01:46:36.000 That's why they're having unionized. 0.99
01:46:38.000 Because I'm not inherently for, but it seems like if a union has to form, it's because the company fucked up. 0.99
01:46:44.000 Right.
01:46:45.000 I'm torn on it because I think unions are very important in certain situations, but I also think, wouldn't it be great if you didn't give your dues to anybody and the company just treated you really well?
01:46:54.000 And I think one of the things that was highlighted about Tesla, because someone fucked up and said something stupid about calling him a modern-day robber baron because of how much money he makes off of the stock, And they said, you don't understand that all Tesla employees are compensated with stock. 0.99
01:47:13.000 So you're a modern-day moron. 0.99
01:47:16.000 So they have a stake in the actual... 1.00
01:47:18.000 Yes, exactly.
01:47:19.000 And so Biden's hurting the stock.
01:47:20.000 I'd say it's crashed because of this.
01:47:21.000 And it's like, he actually is hurting employees.
01:47:23.000 Does it just go back up then?
01:47:24.000 It'll go back up.
01:47:25.000 It's so good.
01:47:26.000 If it goes down, you can buy it.
01:47:27.000 Do you have one?
01:47:28.000 Do you have a Tesla?
01:47:29.000 No, but Kyle does.
01:47:30.000 It's the greatest car ever made.
01:47:31.000 It's the greatest car ever made.
01:47:32.000 It's an amazing car.
01:47:33.000 No ads.
01:47:34.000 That's something on TV, like...
01:47:36.000 They knock Tesla so hard and unnecessarily, and they're, you know, Ford and GM are their, they need Ford and GM to survive, and they're gonna go bankrupt, I think.
01:47:45.000 No, no, no, no.
01:47:46.000 They'll get bailed out.
01:47:47.000 No, they're gonna have great, they have great cars, too. 0.99
01:47:49.000 Look, GM has fucking amazing cars. 0.98
01:47:50.000 I just drove a Cadillac this week and we rented it. 0.99
01:47:52.000 They're incredible.
01:47:53.000 You don't think that electric vehicles are gonna take over?
01:47:55.000 They're gonna have electric cars, too.
01:47:56.000 Yeah, but they're gonna have electric cars, too.
01:47:58.000 But they didn't transition, like, when they should've.
01:48:01.000 No, they're behind in AI. In AI, they're far behind.
01:48:06.000 Tesla's self-driving AI is the most amazing thing.
01:48:09.000 But Porsche has arguably a superior electric car.
01:48:13.000 But it's just that one.
01:48:14.000 The Porsche Taycan, it doesn't matter.
01:48:16.000 It's incredible.
01:48:17.000 If you talk to guys like Matt Farah from The Smoking Tire, who's like a legitimate car expert, he said it's like literally one of the greatest cars he's ever driven in his life.
01:48:24.000 He said the Porsche Taycan is insanely good.
01:48:27.000 The acceleration mirrors like the Tesla acceleration, except the new one, the Tesla Plaid is just off the charts fast.
01:48:34.000 I don't like that acceleration one bit.
01:48:37.000 Why do you hate acceleration?
01:48:39.000 No, do you hate fun?
01:48:40.000 Do you hate fun?
01:48:41.000 No.
01:48:41.000 You know what it is?
01:48:42.000 It's not noisy because he has a Tesla.
01:48:44.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:48:45.000 And so it's like there's no...
01:48:47.000 I love it.
01:48:48.000 It just accelerates.
01:48:49.000 It's incredible.
01:48:49.000 I love it.
01:48:50.000 I love it.
01:48:51.000 And he doesn't give them away either.
01:48:52.000 I bought mine full price.
01:48:54.000 Everybody pays full price, including him.
01:48:55.000 Oh, that's good.
01:48:56.000 Yeah, like people say, yeah, you said that because he gave you one.
01:48:59.000 Nope.
01:48:59.000 He gives away his patents too, which open source patents.
01:49:02.000 Yes.
01:49:03.000 I mean, he's really trying to help and I just, I hate when they say it.
01:49:06.000 You can't be without criticism when you're that big.
01:49:10.000 He's too big.
01:49:11.000 Wasn't Hyperloop not a good idea that was never going to work?
01:49:14.000 I don't know.
01:49:15.000 They're in Vegas.
01:49:16.000 It's on a Hyperloop.
01:49:17.000 The Hyperloop is not the tunnel, right?
01:49:19.000 That's the boring company, right?
01:49:20.000 What's the Hyperloop?
01:49:21.000 Is the Hyperloop the tunnel?
01:49:22.000 I thought that was a tunnel that didn't get made.
01:49:24.000 I think he has enough companies.
01:49:25.000 Is that the Hyperloop?
01:49:27.000 Here's what I thought the criticism of him is he promises the world and is like, well, it's not going to be that fast.
01:49:33.000 What are you talking about?
01:49:34.000 His car goes 1.9 seconds, 0 to 60. It's insane how fast it is.
01:49:37.000 I'm not saying what I think.
01:49:38.000 I'm like, well, he made this car that's a clearly good car, but...
01:49:42.000 That's the criticism I would hear about.
01:49:43.000 Have you seen the latest AI driving demonstration?
01:49:48.000 It's amazing.
01:49:49.000 It pauses.
01:49:50.000 It recognizes obstacles in the road.
01:49:52.000 It takes turns.
01:49:54.000 No one's touching the steering wheel at all.
01:49:55.000 And that dojo.
01:49:56.000 It keeps getting better.
01:49:57.000 It keeps getting better. 0.99
01:49:58.000 It's fucking incredible. 0.96
01:49:59.000 That UBI that Andrew Yang used to talk about, that I was like, I don't know if that could work. 0.94
01:50:04.000 I think that all these guys know the future as robots do everything.
01:50:07.000 And that's the pittance that is going to be left over.
01:50:12.000 And I think of it like an old man where I'm like, you can't just give people income, but they know what's coming.
01:50:19.000 The Dojo computer?
01:50:21.000 They just had an AI day and it's just going to be soulmate.
01:50:25.000 The Dojo computer?
01:50:26.000 Yeah, they call it Dojo.
01:50:28.000 That's their computer that learns constantly based on the input that it gets from the AI from driving.
01:50:33.000 Yeah, the neural network.
01:50:35.000 So once that's up and running, self-driving will be solved probably really quickly after that.
01:50:40.000 Do you guys smoke cigars?
01:50:42.000 Well, do you still have those blunts?
01:50:44.000 I got those too.
01:50:45.000 Yeah, that's all I want.
01:50:46.000 You want a blunt or you want a cigar?
01:50:47.000 I want a blunt because I don't know how to smoke a cigar.
01:50:49.000 I want a cigar.
01:50:50.000 You want a cigar?
01:50:51.000 Yeah.
01:50:51.000 I got a joint right here, so we don't have to go anywhere.
01:50:54.000 I got a joint?
01:50:56.000 Plus also, and I'll stop talking about this, but they also investigate every car crash.
01:51:02.000 And they talk about fires where there's so many more fires with combustion engines.
01:51:08.000 They're trying to trash it.
01:51:09.000 I don't like it.
01:51:10.000 I don't like it.
01:51:10.000 Here's what I imagine.
01:51:11.000 I imagine Kyle's house...
01:51:13.000 Kyle, you like cigars?
01:51:14.000 Yeah.
01:51:15.000 I imagine Kyle's house sliding down the hill that it's on.
01:51:19.000 My house is about to slide down a hill.
01:51:20.000 His house is going to slide down a hill, and then his car is going to be plugged into the house and slide down with the house.
01:51:27.000 All right.
01:51:28.000 Ooh, look at this.
01:51:30.000 I feel really cool right now.
01:51:32.000 I just think that people are hypercritical, and I think what that guy's done is nothing short of amazing.
01:51:38.000 I mean, without him, electric cars would be a decade behind.
01:51:42.000 Yeah, and no advertising.
01:51:44.000 It's just the car's that good.
01:51:45.000 He doesn't need to do advertising.
01:51:47.000 And I can say personally, I know the man.
01:51:50.000 I've hung out with him.
01:51:50.000 He's a really genuinely nice guy.
01:51:52.000 Like, a genuinely interesting, fascinating human being who's nice.
01:51:56.000 He might be the greatest go-down, like, years later.
01:52:00.000 Once we get, like, going to Mars, he's gonna be...
01:52:03.000 If he ends up keeping his pee in jars, we'll know he was a great man.
01:52:08.000 What's wrong with keeping your pee in jars?
01:52:09.000 I got a whole bucket out back.
01:52:11.000 Really?
01:52:12.000 What do you mean about keeping the pee in jars?
01:52:13.000 You know, Howard Hughes made...
01:52:15.000 Oh, did he keep his pee in a jar?
01:52:17.000 That's like what he's...
01:52:18.000 He innovated for...
01:52:19.000 Whoa.
01:52:21.000 Jamie just wants to turn this into a disco.
01:52:22.000 I was looking at the Hyperloop.
01:52:23.000 Let's do it, Jamie!
01:52:25.000 So the Hyperloop is the train.
01:52:27.000 I thought that fell apart because it wasn't possible.
01:52:29.000 It's multiple companies.
01:52:30.000 That's not just him, apparently.
01:52:33.000 570 miles an hour.
01:52:34.000 What's to stop someone from just laying rocks in front of the train?
01:52:38.000 They'd be nervous.
01:52:41.000 Is there a way they can detect the rocks?
01:52:43.000 Did you ever take that bullet train in China?
01:52:45.000 It's enclosed?
01:52:48.000 I've only been to Taiwan.
01:52:50.000 I've never been to China.
01:52:52.000 Where's the bullet train to Vegas?
01:52:54.000 That just makes so much sense.
01:52:56.000 It's flat the whole way.
01:52:58.000 What's the problem?
01:52:59.000 Traffic every weekend.
01:53:02.000 Right.
01:53:02.000 It's true, right?
01:53:03.000 I don't know what's going on.
01:53:04.000 Probably 570 miles an hour is the same as the flight.
01:53:07.000 The flight's 40 minutes.
01:53:08.000 Well, how many homeless people can you fit on it to ship out of Vegas into LA? That's the question.
01:53:13.000 You know, someone was explaining to me what's going on at the border, and I was like, there's no way this is real.
01:53:21.000 Like, the people, when they come in, illegals, they get processed, and then they just send them on buses to various parts of the country.
01:53:30.000 Like, they don't send them back across the border.
01:53:33.000 I'm like, wait a minute.
01:53:34.000 Who told you that?
01:53:35.000 I don't want to say anybody's name, but is this true?
01:53:40.000 You're asking us?
01:53:42.000 We're going to find out.
01:53:43.000 I mean, I'm saying sort of rhetorically, but is that true?
01:53:48.000 Would you be shocked if when illegal aliens cross the border from Mexico that they just put them on buses and send them around the country? 0.98
01:53:56.000 No, I wouldn't be shocked.
01:53:56.000 There's a whole upper class of people that...
01:53:59.000 Depend on that labor, like people that they can...
01:54:02.000 It's not just that.
01:54:03.000 It can't be true.
01:54:04.000 It's too many people.
01:54:05.000 It's also the lack of voter ID. They don't want you to have voter ID. Why would you need ID to vote?
01:54:11.000 Because those are the people that let you in.
01:54:13.000 Those are the people that you're going to vote for.
01:54:15.000 And if you're an illegal immigrant, like almost university, unless you're coming from Cuba, which they oftentimes vote Republican...
01:54:23.000 They almost always vote Democrat.
01:54:26.000 Like, you're literally bringing in voters.
01:54:28.000 Like Tammany Hall.
01:54:30.000 Yeah.
01:54:30.000 Even though they're not U.S. citizens, if there's no voter ID, it gets slippery.
01:54:35.000 Like, what does that mean?
01:54:36.000 Let me ask you this.
01:54:36.000 Why can't the government, I don't know why I'm asking you, like, you know, but, like, okay, voter ID is a problem.
01:54:42.000 Why doesn't every state have to provide you with an ID to vote? 0.84
01:54:46.000 Because you only need an ID to get a vaccination or to use your vaccination to get into a restaurant.
01:54:52.000 You don't need it for voting because it's racist.
01:54:55.000 Get it together.
01:54:56.000 I get the game of who's going to vote for me, but it seems like an easy...
01:55:01.000 I didn't understand why they couldn't just go to companies and be like, okay, who's here legally?
01:55:07.000 Rather than worry about...
01:55:08.000 Because then people would lie.
01:55:10.000 Well, I saw one time an interview with a guy, and it was somewhere in Arizona, and they did do that.
01:55:15.000 They were like, we'll just go to the companies and like, let's see who's legal.
01:55:18.000 And the town asked them to stop.
01:55:21.000 Because it was fucking up the economy. 0.88
01:55:23.000 Do you ever see a documentary, A Day With No Mexicans? 0.98
01:55:26.000 Yeah, we need them to keep...
01:55:28.000 It's a L.A. documentary.
01:55:29.000 It shows you how everything was shut down.
01:55:31.000 I don't know if you know, America, our Herbalife empire will fall apart within five minutes if we do not have illegal immigrants. 1.00
01:55:39.000 Oh, well, certainly Los Angeles would.
01:55:41.000 Los Angeles, the backbone is Mexican immigrants. 0.99
01:55:44.000 Yeah.
01:55:45.000 Very hardworking.
01:55:46.000 Yeah, yeah.
01:55:48.000 I can't remember how lazy...
01:55:50.000 I mean, it's a sign of what we were talking about before.
01:55:52.000 Things are going very well financially for this country.
01:55:56.000 Yeah.
01:55:56.000 For people to be able to have all this free time.
01:55:58.000 Well, also, the fucking, this bizarre, the myth of the lazy Mexican. 1.00
01:56:09.000 It's like the worst stereotype of all time. 0.99
01:56:12.000 I've heard of that, but I've never seen it, and I've never seen anybody in practice.
01:56:16.000 Like, I've heard somebody say that as like an old-timey insult, but...
01:56:19.000 It was an old-timey insult.
01:56:20.000 Everybody I know...
01:56:21.000 Okay, yeah, now it's totally the opposite, I think.
01:56:23.000 Yeah, but it's absolutely the opposite.
01:56:25.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 1.00
01:56:26.000 They're fucking hustlers. 1.00
01:56:26.000 I've heard of the seven jobs Mexican. 1.00
01:56:29.000 They're hustlers. 0.99
01:56:30.000 They're hustlers. 1.00
01:56:31.000 I mean, they come over here because they want a better life, and once they get here, they're fucking pumped. 0.99
01:56:35.000 They're ready to go. 0.97
01:56:36.000 Yeah, I mean, Home Depot, it's like, that's such a fucking hard thing to do. 0.93
01:56:39.000 You go there and you're waiting to try to do some really tough job. 0.91
01:56:43.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:56:43.000 I mean, someone's going to give a shit job. 1.00
01:56:44.000 Did you ever do construction? 0.99
01:56:46.000 Yeah.
01:56:47.000 What'd you do?
01:56:48.000 I mean, I did everything.
01:56:49.000 My dad was an architect, so I did a lot of labor.
01:56:53.000 I did, you know, carpenter's assistant.
01:56:54.000 That's the ultimate 90s romantic comedy job.
01:56:57.000 An architect.
01:56:58.000 Oh, that's true.
01:57:00.000 That's like...
01:57:00.000 The Jennifer Aniston movie!
01:57:03.000 I need to meet an architect.
01:57:04.000 That was like what your dream was.
01:57:06.000 Yeah, so I was always around construction sites.
01:57:09.000 That's where I did all my summer jobs when I was in high school.
01:57:11.000 I worked construction.
01:57:12.000 Dude, I did sheetrock and some roofing.
01:57:15.000 Not a lot.
01:57:15.000 I did a lot of insulation in the summer.
01:57:17.000 It was fucking ruthless. 0.99
01:57:19.000 Ooh, yeah. 1.00
01:57:20.000 Fibers in your fucking skin when you sweat. 1.00
01:57:22.000 I worked for a guy in South Jersey. 1.00
01:57:24.000 It wasn't union.
01:57:25.000 It was his private.
01:57:26.000 You know, union's a much better construction job.
01:57:29.000 But private, it would be me I was at Art Institute at the time, and then a guy that worked at the gas station, usually, who had a metal plate in his head, and the dude hired me and him.
01:57:38.000 A metal plate in his head?
01:57:38.000 Yeah, and the two of them were like, hey, college, get this bucket!
01:57:43.000 Dude, I went to the Art Institute for two years.
01:57:47.000 That's not a good, like, college, you know.
01:57:49.000 Why'd the guy have a plate in his head? 0.99
01:57:50.000 Who the fuck knows? 0.99
01:57:51.000 It wasn't from NOM. He just wanted it in there? 0.99
01:57:54.000 No, it's just like, dude, you know what South Jersey is like?
01:57:57.000 The level of...
01:57:59.000 Or like Gloucester Township?
01:58:01.000 Yeah, South Jersey's basically Kentucky.
01:58:03.000 It's like White Camden. 0.97
01:58:05.000 Yeah, it's the woods.
01:58:06.000 It's like there's all bears down there, like near Rutgers.
01:58:09.000 Oh really?
01:58:09.000 Filled with bears.
01:58:10.000 There's more black bears per capita in the state of New Jersey than any other state in the country.
01:58:16.000 Yeah, they're overrun.
01:58:17.000 And then most recently, the governor who took over after Christie campaigned.
01:58:22.000 It's one of his campaign promises to stop the bear hunts because people were hunting bears.
01:58:27.000 Really?
01:58:28.000 Yeah, he wanted to stop the bear hunts.
01:58:29.000 But the problem is it's not from a biological, wildlife biology management perspective, it's not smart because there's no threat to the bear population.
01:58:40.000 So the bear population has exploded since this dipshit has been Yeah, that's the same with deer.
01:58:45.000 People don't know that deer are like... 0.72
01:58:47.000 There's actually a hunting season that you want it because you don't want them on the highway.
01:58:51.000 If you don't have that, then you have to hire snipers.
01:58:53.000 And then people come in and whack them.
01:58:55.000 I hit a deer.
01:58:56.000 I would have died if I was in a smaller... 1.00
01:58:57.000 I was luckily in a big fucking car with a huge deer. 1.00
01:59:01.000 Did you ever hear that? 1.00
01:59:02.000 Connecticut, it's so dangerous.
01:59:03.000 I mean, New Jersey, it's like at night.
01:59:05.000 At nighttime, yeah.
01:59:06.000 They're like in midair when you see them.
01:59:07.000 Yeah. 0.96
01:59:08.000 I was coming home once from a gig that I did in upstate New York, and I was living in New York, and I was coming down, I forget what road it is, like some two-lane highway, and I had to drive like 30 miles an hour because there were so many fucking deer.
01:59:21.000 They would just jump. 0.66
01:59:21.000 It was in the summertime. 0.66
01:59:22.000 And they freeze if you catch them in the lights.
01:59:24.000 Yeah.
01:59:24.000 They'll freeze right in front of you.
01:59:25.000 They'll just run right in front of your car, man.
01:59:27.000 They don't understand what it is.
01:59:29.000 Yeah, they're built for hitting cars.
01:59:31.000 Like, they stop when you see lights.
01:59:32.000 Dude, their whole body.
01:59:33.000 Because they'll be alive.
01:59:34.000 Get up and go sometimes. 0.91
01:59:35.000 They'll die.
01:59:36.000 They die months afterwards.
01:59:38.000 This guy, this big deer got up.
01:59:39.000 I felt bad because I knew it was going to go die somewhere else.
01:59:43.000 Big Lexus.
01:59:45.000 Totaled.
01:59:45.000 Oh, really?
01:59:46.000 That was fine.
01:59:47.000 Good for you.
01:59:48.000 Look at you.
01:59:49.000 Pretty proud of myself about that. 0.92
01:59:50.000 I think I look ridiculous smoking this, but I don't really care. 0.90
01:59:52.000 You don't. 0.97
01:59:52.000 You look good. 0.97
01:59:52.000 Really? 0.97
01:59:53.000 You look like a magnate.
01:59:55.000 All right.
01:59:55.000 I'll take that.
01:59:55.000 Guy owns a business.
01:59:57.000 I own a boat with a painting.
01:59:58.000 Try to put it deeper into your throat.
02:00:01.000 So I kind of like...
02:00:04.000 Try to, like, tickle the end of it.
02:00:06.000 Not only does he have a $300 million yacht, but it's got a $450 million painting in it.
02:00:13.000 That is really...
02:00:16.000 Completely way too much money.
02:00:17.000 Do you know people from, like, Dubai?
02:00:19.000 I know a bunch of, like, Dubai people, but it's so rich there that the license, the vanity plates, like, whoever has the number one, that's the top.
02:00:27.000 The man!
02:00:28.000 Yeah, like, there's nothing else to spend your money on except having the number one license plate.
02:00:33.000 So if you're, like, number six, like, you're really...
02:00:37.000 High-end in Dubai.
02:00:38.000 Do you know about Saudi summers in Los Angeles?
02:00:40.000 No, what's that?
02:00:41.000 Well, Saudi Arabia is so hot in the summer that Los Angeles in the summer is a relief. 1.00
02:00:47.000 So a lot of them would come from Saudi Arabia to Los Angeles for relief in the summer, like really, really wealthy folks.
02:00:54.000 And they would ship over their Lamborghinis and Ferraris and these crazy half-million-dollar sports cars with these Saudi Arabia license plates.
02:01:04.000 Which is totally illegal.
02:01:06.000 But they would be like consulate or whatever right on it, and they would just drive around and race down the street in Beverly Hills.
02:01:13.000 That's a time-honored tradition of car hijinks with Saudi... 1.00
02:01:17.000 That's what...
02:01:17.000 Remember Roy DeMeo, the famous, like, guy that was like a...
02:01:21.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, from Murder Machine, that book.
02:01:23.000 I read that book.
02:01:23.000 So his main job was cutting up cars.
02:01:25.000 By the way, I got a lot of this from the Sammy the Bull podcast.
02:01:28.000 Oh, really?
02:01:28.000 But yeah, it would make a great horror movie because he has stories about meeting that guy where the guy's bragging about just killing people just to kill them at this bar he has.
02:01:39.000 Yeah, he had a bar and then he would kill people upstairs.
02:01:40.000 He'd practice on people.
02:01:42.000 Yeah, I gotta keep my boy short.
02:01:44.000 But it sounds like Texas Chainsaw Massacre, but with Mafia.
02:01:47.000 That Murder Machine book is terrifying.
02:01:50.000 Yeah, so this- You read it?
02:01:51.000 I never read the book, but I know it.
02:01:54.000 But it's amazing because he was like one of those guys, it's like that much of a psycho, but he's like a great dad.
02:01:59.000 Like his son has no complaints about his dad whatsoever.
02:02:02.000 Didn't they say that about the Iceman too?
02:02:06.000 Well, the Iceman was pretty abusive, actually.
02:02:08.000 Oh, really? 0.86
02:02:09.000 Yeah, if you read the- That movie sucks because it makes it look like- But he loves his family. 0.99
02:02:14.000 He was like a crazy abusive guy. 0.98
02:02:16.000 Well, it makes sense. 0.98
02:02:17.000 I mean, it's not pleasant to be around someone who kills like that.
02:02:20.000 Yeah, constantly.
02:02:21.000 Except Roy DeMeo, who was a great dad by all accounts.
02:02:27.000 Bizarre.
02:02:27.000 Kurt and I need advertisers for our YouTube channel.
02:02:29.000 Anybody listening there, you want to advertise on our YouTube channel?
02:02:31.000 How do you...
02:02:32.000 Do you guys...
02:02:32.000 Do you guys get any ads?
02:02:36.000 We actually...
02:02:37.000 E-Forms has really stepped up, and it saved us.
02:02:40.000 E-Forms? 0.97
02:02:40.000 E-Forms. 0.97
02:02:41.000 Shout out to E-Forms.
02:02:42.000 E-Forms.
02:02:42.000 What is that?
02:02:43.000 E-Forms.
02:02:43.000 It's like Sharers-Berries.
02:02:45.000 It's fine.
02:02:45.000 It's not.
02:02:45.000 It's E-Forms.
02:02:46.000 Oh, do you do the ads as Ben Shapiro?
02:02:48.000 Actually, in the Star Trek, I did it as just Ben turns to the camera.
02:02:52.000 Does Ben get mad at you for that?
02:02:54.000 Well, I don't know.
02:02:55.000 I hope not.
02:02:57.000 You even sound like him.
02:02:58.000 You don't know how to shift him.
02:02:59.000 It's fine.
02:03:00.000 Absolutely fine.
02:03:01.000 Do you know Kyle has a mutant throat?
02:03:04.000 Oh yeah, I hurt my neck once.
02:03:07.000 I actually had an embarrassing stride.
02:03:08.000 I had a dream.
02:03:09.000 I was twisting off the top of a Coke can, and I woke up, I was twisting my own neck.
02:03:13.000 So I go to the doctor, and they took x-rays, and the doctor comes...
02:03:17.000 You know, they got an x-ray on the wall, and he's rubbing his chin, which is like...
02:03:22.000 International sign of like something I don't understand what I'm looking at.
02:03:25.000 Never seen this before is what it says.
02:03:26.000 So he goes, Michael, come on in here.
02:03:28.000 Calls a doctor and I'm just sitting there.
02:03:30.000 And they're both looking and like, and I go, I think I'm dying.
02:03:33.000 I go, what's wrong?
02:03:34.000 And he goes, you have the neck of a seven foot man.
02:03:41.000 Anyway, I'm able to put my larynx way down and make like I can change my voice a lot because my neck is so long.
02:03:49.000 Set up straight.
02:03:51.000 Just straight.
02:03:52.000 Just don't move.
02:03:53.000 It looks so normal.
02:03:54.000 Thank you.
02:03:55.000 I don't understand.
02:03:57.000 Now that he's said it, I can see it.
02:04:00.000 Girls like guys with really long necks. 0.99
02:04:02.000 It's the number one thing they like.
02:04:03.000 Because they can reach the higher fruit on the tree.
02:04:06.000 It's more evolutionary fit. 1.00
02:04:10.000 Do chicks want to get fucked by giraffes? 1.00
02:04:12.000 They have horse fantasies. 1.00
02:04:14.000 Girls have horse fantasies. 1.00
02:04:16.000 They do.
02:04:16.000 They have horse fantasies.
02:04:17.000 A giraffe is not that far from a horse.
02:04:21.000 A giraffe is not that far from a horse.
02:04:22.000 Thank you.
02:04:23.000 There's all these women. 1.00
02:04:24.000 I used to live in an equestrian community and these women that would have horses were all built the same way. 1.00
02:04:29.000 They were all built like Alex Jones.
02:04:31.000 Like, they have this, like, barrel-chested...
02:04:34.000 I didn't think you were going to say that.
02:04:35.000 I nodded like I was on board, but I... Not anymore.
02:04:39.000 Barrel-chested, sort of, like...
02:04:41.000 I don't remember that.
02:04:42.000 Like, Mongols. 0.97
02:04:43.000 Not the girls I knew.
02:04:44.000 They've given up on everything but just coming while they're riding a horse.
02:04:48.000 Because there's something about riding a horse that makes... 0.77
02:04:50.000 Some women can have orgasm when they ride the horse. 1.00
02:04:52.000 I didn't see that. 0.86
02:04:53.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
02:04:53.000 Sure.
02:04:54.000 Yeah, that's part of what the whole horse thing is.
02:04:57.000 I'm not saying for all ladies.
02:04:58.000 Ladies, please. 0.99
02:04:58.000 Is that why it was illegal? 0.99
02:05:00.000 Wait a minute, because you know how it was illegal for women to ride horses? 1.00
02:05:02.000 Yeah, to ride sideways.
02:05:03.000 Because they knew women were coming. 0.90
02:05:05.000 Women had a good time back in old times. 1.00
02:05:08.000 Hey, she's enjoying that ride! 1.00
02:05:12.000 Yeah, she's, like, literally rubbing her clit on this saddle. 1.00
02:05:17.000 I mean, I remember, like, girls in my middle school, like, 12 years old, and they had all pictures of horses in their lockers. 0.98
02:05:23.000 Like, their boyfriend was their horse.
02:05:25.000 Yeah.
02:05:27.000 Now girls have big dogs that don't like. 1.00
02:05:30.000 If you've got a big dog, and then it's in the bed, then you know the girls that have dog boyfriends, and they lay with it, and you're laying there, and the dog's got his balls in there. 1.00
02:05:39.000 That's a problem. 0.75
02:05:40.000 If it's a big dog, or a Rottweiler or something, he's a little handsome, twice the size of you. 1.00
02:05:44.000 He has a human-sized dick in the bed with you. 1.00
02:05:47.000 Humans, and it's always got a little jizz in the tip of it if he's not fixed. 1.00
02:05:51.000 It's twice the size of your dick. 1.00
02:05:53.000 So anyway, yeah, I did this one girl, the dog wanted to murder me. 1.00
02:05:56.000 The dog wanted to murder you?
02:05:57.000 Every time I came over, I was like, and she was so tiny, she couldn't really handle it.
02:06:01.000 What kind of dog was it?
02:06:02.000 It was like a Rottweiler-Pitbull mix.
02:06:04.000 Oh, Jesus.
02:06:05.000 But I mean, Yeah, you know. 0.99
02:06:08.000 And wanted to kill you? 0.92
02:06:10.000 She was so little she couldn't really handle it. 0.91
02:06:11.000 Did you ever wake up in the bed and you thought you were spooning her, but it was the dog?
02:06:15.000 She was not a dog spooner.
02:06:16.000 It wasn't her boyfriend.
02:06:18.000 It was like a different situation.
02:06:19.000 Do you remember the lady in Connecticut that slept with her chimp and gave it Xanax? 1.00
02:06:23.000 What?
02:06:23.000 She slept with it?
02:06:24.000 What do you mean she slept with it? 0.99
02:06:25.000 Slept in the bed with a chimp that was the one that killed her friend or ripped her friend's face off. 1.00
02:06:29.000 Oh, I remember that. 1.00
02:06:30.000 Yeah, she gave the chimp Xanax and then her friend came over and her friend apparently was cock-blocking and the chimp's like, I'm gonna take care of this bitch. 1.00
02:06:37.000 On Xanax the chimp did all that? 1.00
02:06:39.000 The chimp was on Xanax.
02:06:40.000 I know, that's the craziest part of it. 0.99
02:06:42.000 Which is benzodiazepine, which is one of the hardest fucking things for a human being to kick. 0.99
02:06:47.000 There's two things that kill you when you kick them, benzos and alcohol. 0.99
02:06:50.000 She was feeding the chimp both of them. 1.00
02:06:52.000 She was feeding the chimp benzos and wine. 0.93
02:06:54.000 So she's feeding this chimp Xanax and wine. 1.00
02:06:56.000 The chimp's laying around with her with a fucking diaper on. 1.00
02:06:59.000 It was a 200-pound chimp because it was kind of overfed. 1.00
02:07:02.000 So it was a fat, giant, huge chimp.
02:07:05.000 And when her friend came over, she tore her friend apart. 0.97
02:07:08.000 The chimp did. 0.99
02:07:09.000 I saw a lady on Oprah. 1.00
02:07:10.000 That was the worst.
02:07:12.000 Oh, it's horrific.
02:07:13.000 They always take your face off.
02:07:14.000 It seems like that's our first move. 0.89
02:07:16.000 Fingers, they bite your fingers off. 1.00
02:07:17.000 What piece of shit got there? 1.00
02:07:19.000 I mean, this woman had no... 1.00
02:07:22.000 It's crazy what a chimp does. 1.00
02:07:23.000 It's crazy what it does to you.
02:07:25.000 They're mean.
02:07:26.000 And they know what makes you you.
02:07:30.000 It's not like a dog. 0.98
02:07:31.000 They go for face and genitals. 1.00
02:07:33.000 Yeah, yeah. 0.99
02:07:34.000 They bite your feet off.
02:07:35.000 They'll bite your feet off, rip your feet off. 1.00
02:07:37.000 They do wild shit. 1.00
02:07:38.000 Like, they know they're crippling you. 1.00
02:07:39.000 They'll bite your fingers off. 0.70
02:07:40.000 They'll grab your hand and bite your fingers off. 0.99
02:07:43.000 I'm trying to think of what I'd rather have bitten off.
02:07:45.000 I think a foot.
02:07:46.000 A foot rather than a hand?
02:07:47.000 Yeah.
02:07:48.000 For sure.
02:07:49.000 I have a foot that there's like no...
02:07:52.000 Anyway, I don't want to talk about my body anymore, but like...
02:07:55.000 Why do you have to talk about your body so much on this?
02:07:58.000 I'm just upset.
02:07:59.000 There's no fat on my feet.
02:08:00.000 There's no fat on your feet?
02:08:01.000 You want a fat foot? 1.00
02:08:03.000 I want a fat fat at the bottom. 0.99
02:08:04.000 What kind of dysmorphia? 0.99
02:08:06.000 Were you looking at how fat your foot is? 0.56
02:08:08.000 I went to a doctor, Kurt!
02:08:10.000 And the doctor took an x-ray and she said, you have no fat on your feet and that's why you're in pain.
02:08:14.000 And I go, okay, what are you going to do?
02:08:15.000 What kind of doctor are you going to do?
02:08:17.000 She goes, there's nothing you can do about it.
02:08:19.000 Oh my God!
02:08:22.000 No, but...
02:08:23.000 A doctor said there's no fat on this?
02:08:25.000 Your doctor is drunk.
02:08:27.000 No, she said... 1.00
02:08:28.000 He needs fat feet, you skinny fuck! 1.00
02:08:30.000 She said there's... 1.00
02:08:31.000 That's the thing.
02:08:32.000 You used to go to the doctor, they have an answer.
02:08:34.000 There's no answer.
02:08:35.000 She's like, go about your life as you get more and more in pain.
02:08:39.000 There's no answer for low-fat feet.
02:08:45.000 That's true.
02:08:46.000 So explain something.
02:08:47.000 What was wrong?
02:08:48.000 Your feet were hurting?
02:08:50.000 My feet have killed me since I've been 25 years old.
02:08:54.000 How so?
02:08:55.000 Well, first they dropped.
02:08:56.000 I lost my arch.
02:08:58.000 When I was a kid, my dad would be like, make sure you take care of your feet.
02:09:00.000 My dad never complained.
02:09:01.000 Because he had a foot problem?
02:09:03.000 Yeah, that was him saying, I see what your feet are doing.
02:09:05.000 So it's a genetic thing. 0.99
02:09:06.000 Have you tried standing on a pole like a fucking parakeet? 1.00
02:09:10.000 I do. 1.00
02:09:10.000 I do have a... 1.00
02:09:13.000 I do a pole in my bedroom.
02:09:18.000 Yeah, look.
02:09:20.000 There's foot exercises you can do.
02:09:22.000 They gave me a rubber band.
02:09:25.000 That's like a wide rubber thing to do with exercises.
02:09:28.000 But she was like, there's nothing you can do about it.
02:09:30.000 What about jumping rope?
02:09:31.000 I do jump.
02:09:32.000 It's all very painful.
02:09:33.000 There's really nothing you can do about it.
02:09:34.000 But if you strengthen your foot, like there's a lot of specialists online that talk about foot strength.
02:09:40.000 And in fact, there's this guy, his name is Nick Kurson.
02:09:42.000 He's a very famous strength and conditioning coach.
02:09:46.000 And one of the things that he says that 90% of all athletes have in common is that they have poor foot strength.
02:09:52.000 And he said it's the one thing that he works on with all of his athletes, his foot strength, because it's so neglected.
02:09:57.000 So they do a lot of plyometrics, a lot of jumps, a lot of jumping side to side, a lot of ladder drills.
02:10:03.000 You ever seen ladder drills?
02:10:04.000 They lay this rope ladder on the ground, and you step in the ladder, out of the ladder, in the ladder, like that.
02:10:08.000 Okay.
02:10:09.000 Those kind of things and then jumping rope can strengthen your feet.
02:10:13.000 She shouldn't know this.
02:10:15.000 She gave me nothing. 0.99
02:10:16.000 I guarantee you most doctors have no fucking idea how to make your body stronger. 0.99
02:10:22.000 They know you have a problem and they go, you got a problem. 0.98
02:10:25.000 The idea that you could try some radical physical therapy, some strength and conditioning routines that are actually going to strengthen the muscles and tendons of your feet, but that's 100% possible.
02:10:37.000 Yeah, she should.
02:10:37.000 You should have told me that.
02:10:38.000 But you work out.
02:10:40.000 You, I feel like, have consistently worked out your whole life, right?
02:10:43.000 I never stopped.
02:10:43.000 Yeah, that's the key.
02:10:45.000 That is the key.
02:10:45.000 I stop every now and then.
02:10:47.000 And I have this thing that I used to do where I would just go to the gym because I read if you do something for 21 days, it'll be a habit.
02:10:53.000 So I would just go to the gym.
02:10:55.000 I'd drive there, I'd walk in, and I'd leave.
02:10:57.000 I'd pick up a weight and leave. 0.99
02:10:58.000 The front desk thought I was fucking insane. 0.95
02:11:00.000 But after a while, it became a habit, and I would start to work out. 0.95
02:11:04.000 So you just decided, don't put any pressure on yourself.
02:11:06.000 Just go, and just do a little something, and that's better than nothing.
02:11:10.000 Don't you think?
02:11:11.000 And then a habit.
02:11:12.000 But anyway, now I just go, and it stopped working, and now I just go to the gym, and I pick up something heavy, and I leave.
02:11:17.000 But I gotta...
02:11:18.000 Look, guys, is it obvious that just evolutionarily speaking, Kyle is meant to stand in one spot...
02:11:27.000 And write jokes.
02:11:28.000 No, Bob into a glass of water, like this, with a top hat.
02:11:34.000 Oh my god!
02:11:36.000 That's so rude, but I do look like that guy.
02:11:39.000 I can see you with the hat.
02:11:41.000 Just let your head take you, the gravity, and back up again.
02:11:44.000 I'm trying to turn women on. 1.00
02:11:46.000 I have the legs of a 12-year-old girl and the neck of a 7-foot man. 0.86
02:11:49.000 You just gotta find someone who's into that.
02:11:50.000 I know, and there's someone out there.
02:11:52.000 You just need a dating website. 0.85
02:11:53.000 I don't see any...
02:11:54.000 By the way, I have no social life.
02:11:56.000 I literally do this on YouTube all day, and I don't do anything else.
02:12:00.000 Every now and then I go to a stand-up spot.
02:12:02.000 Have you heard of Prontosaurus?
02:12:04.000 Yes!
02:12:06.000 Wait a minute.
02:12:07.000 Do you have a top hat?
02:12:08.000 Ah, I wish I did!
02:12:10.000 I wish I had a top hat laying around.
02:12:12.000 Look, that is...
02:12:13.000 Why does that have, like, lures in the left-hand corner?
02:12:16.000 What a weird combination.
02:12:18.000 Bobbers?
02:12:18.000 Oh, bobber.
02:12:19.000 What is that for?
02:12:20.000 Is there, like, a...
02:12:22.000 I can't believe Jamie Googled that right away.
02:12:24.000 I've already heard that.
02:12:25.000 I mean, you really brought it to life, Jamie.
02:12:27.000 You know those metal balls around the strings that people have in their office?
02:12:30.000 Watch this.
02:12:30.000 Click, clack, click, clack, click.
02:12:32.000 So, how bad do you want the job, Carl?
02:12:34.000 Yeah, those are two big office days.
02:12:36.000 Did someone do that in an interview?
02:12:38.000 Oh, I don't know.
02:12:38.000 I'm just saying that people have it on their desks.
02:12:40.000 That's like a news radio that they...
02:12:44.000 It's a weird thing to have on your desk, but a lot of people would have those where you let one metal ball go.
02:12:48.000 Yeah, yeah.
02:12:48.000 American Psycho had that.
02:12:49.000 Did he have that?
02:12:50.000 I don't know.
02:12:51.000 He had Gavin Newsom hair.
02:12:53.000 I used to stare at, like, I had some Asperger-y things when I was younger.
02:12:56.000 I used to stare at a kite until I'd pee my pants.
02:12:58.000 Like, those kind of things, I would...
02:13:00.000 I would stare at those things for hours.
02:13:02.000 A kite in the sky?
02:13:03.000 Yeah, I would take it, and they'd be like, to get away from me, they'd be like, let's see if it's there in the morning.
02:13:08.000 But I just would pee my pants and stare at a kite.
02:13:11.000 Back when I was younger, they did test you, you know?
02:13:13.000 Did you on most of the same?
02:13:15.000 Well, sometimes those things can be a strength, because you can concentrate on things for long periods of time.
02:13:22.000 Look at the content you guys are putting out.
02:13:25.000 I don't think you put that out if you're healthy.
02:13:27.000 No, I totally agree with you.
02:13:28.000 Kyle pees while we do it.
02:13:29.000 It's not sustainable.
02:13:31.000 Kyle edits till he pees.
02:13:33.000 He has a diaper.
02:13:33.000 It's like a dip of water.
02:13:35.000 Like that astronaut lady that went to fuck up her husband's boyfriend. 1.00
02:13:38.000 The diaper? 1.00
02:13:39.000 Did she really wear a diaper? 1.00
02:13:40.000 Yeah, yeah.
02:13:41.000 No, it's a true story.
02:13:42.000 She was dating this guy. 0.99
02:13:44.000 I think maybe the guy was married, and she went to get the guy's wife, but she drove through many states through the night, took fucking amphetamines and wore a diaper. 1.00
02:13:54.000 I wish I had one now. 0.99
02:13:56.000 And then, like, Mace the lady, when the lady tried to roll her window down, she maced her. 1.00
02:13:59.000 Oh, I didn't know she actually attacked her. 0.97
02:14:01.000 Lisa Nowak, the astronaut, drove 900 miles to attack her ex's girlfriend. 0.94
02:14:06.000 That's what it was. 1.00
02:14:06.000 It's a crazy fucking story. 1.00
02:14:07.000 She used her astronaut bladder skills. 1.00
02:14:10.000 She wore diapers to avoid bathroom breaks.
02:14:12.000 Her actions inspired the 2019 movie Lucy in the Sky.
02:14:17.000 I didn't know about that movie.
02:14:17.000 I didn't know, yeah.
02:14:18.000 Maybe you need to watch that movie.
02:14:20.000 Send me a link to the movie, please.
02:14:24.000 Let's watch the whole thing right now.
02:14:26.000 Require reading.
02:14:26.000 I need to watch something.
02:14:28.000 That does sound interesting.
02:14:28.000 I have to go to the bathroom right now.
02:14:29.000 Go, go, go.
02:14:30.000 I'm afraid to leave, though, because you guys want to talk about my body.
02:14:32.000 Kyle!
02:14:33.000 Well, now we are.
02:14:34.000 Listen!
02:14:35.000 Don't stay in one place until you pee.
02:14:37.000 That's the lesson of life.
02:14:38.000 Go pee.
02:14:38.000 Yeah, go pee.
02:14:39.000 You guys have fun.
02:14:40.000 Okay.
02:14:41.000 We'll be right back.
02:14:41.000 We're having fun with you.
02:14:42.000 You're bringing your phone. 1.00
02:14:43.000 You must have to take a shit. 1.00
02:14:47.000 This is the movie? 1.00
02:14:48.000 Yeah, there's notable actors and whatnot in it.
02:14:51.000 Who's in it?
02:14:53.000 Jon Hamm.
02:14:55.000 Natalie Portman plays the main girl.
02:14:56.000 This is 2019?
02:14:57.000 Yeah.
02:14:59.000 Well, see, here's the thing, and no one wants to admit this, but that lady, that crazy astronaut lady who did that was probably amazing in the sack. 1.00
02:15:06.000 Right?
02:15:07.000 Yeah.
02:15:07.000 Oh my god.
02:15:08.000 It's like a trip to space.
02:15:09.000 You'd be that amazed.
02:15:11.000 The kind of person that's willing to drive 900 miles wearing a diaper to confront her exes.
02:15:16.000 It's pretty hot, dude.
02:15:17.000 Yeah.
02:15:17.000 Yeah.
02:15:18.000 It's kind of, in some ways, it's kind of hot.
02:15:21.000 Like, she's probably wild.
02:15:25.000 Look at her.
02:15:26.000 Astronaut lady. 1.00
02:15:26.000 She was probably a freak. 1.00
02:15:28.000 Right.
02:15:28.000 I bet.
02:15:29.000 I'm just guessing.
02:15:31.000 Do you know what somebody told me once?
02:15:33.000 What?
02:15:33.000 The greatest lover of all time was Michael Phelps, the Olympic swimmer.
02:15:40.000 He's so tall and such an athlete, he probably has a giant hog, right?
02:15:44.000 Yeah, right.
02:15:44.000 He seems like one of those guys that would have just a hammer.
02:15:46.000 Like a whale-sized hammer.
02:15:50.000 Just look at him.
02:15:51.000 Big, long guy. 0.99
02:15:52.000 A tells joke about him that he's the obvious product of a dolphin rape. 0.94
02:16:03.000 The crazy thing is that dolphins do that. 1.00
02:16:05.000 You go, ladies, would you fuck Michael Phelps? 1.00
02:16:07.000 And they go, no. 1.00
02:16:08.000 He goes, you would if you were drowning.
02:16:15.000 You remember when someone outed him at a party for smoking a bong?
02:16:18.000 That was crazy! 1.00
02:16:20.000 What a piece of shit that kid was. 1.00
02:16:23.000 Proving that winners do use drugs. 1.00
02:16:24.000 I know. 1.00
02:16:24.000 I mean, the guy won eight fucking gold medals. 1.00
02:16:27.000 And you're like, yeah, yeah, but what about the pot? 0.98
02:16:29.000 The only thing I could compare it to is the ivermectin misinformation.
02:16:34.000 Well, the person who did it, like, first of all, they were probably just clout chasing, right?
02:16:38.000 But this was, like, so early on.
02:16:39.000 This wasn't even a social media thing, was it?
02:16:41.000 Yeah.
02:16:42.000 It was, yeah.
02:16:43.000 2009. 2009?
02:16:45.000 Yeah.
02:16:46.000 But, okay, I guess there was Twitter back then.
02:16:47.000 Well, there's also, like, gossip blogs.
02:16:49.000 It was also Britney Spears thought, because Britney Spears... 0.99
02:16:52.000 He's back. 1.00
02:16:53.000 He didn't have his shit. 1.00
02:16:55.000 Do you think she will fall to the Taliban now that her father is pulled out of the... 1.00
02:16:59.000 I don't know.
02:16:59.000 Close that.
02:16:59.000 Close the other door.
02:17:00.000 Oh.
02:17:01.000 I don't know what to think about that.
02:17:03.000 I've been saying this.
02:17:04.000 If that was Lil Wayne, and Lil Wayne was going crazy, spending all his money, and putting diamonds in his forehead, was that Lil Vert?
02:17:12.000 Was that guy that did that with the diamond?
02:17:13.000 What do you mean, put diamonds in his forehead?
02:17:15.000 Dude had a giant diamond inserted into his forehead, and then someone stole it.
02:17:20.000 Wait, wait.
02:17:20.000 Yeah, someone grabbed it, ripped it out of his head.
02:17:22.000 Hold on, wait a minute.
02:17:23.000 You don't know about this?
02:17:23.000 No, there's a new one now.
02:17:25.000 He's got a new one?
02:17:26.000 There's a new rapper that has gold chains surgically implanted into his head.
02:17:30.000 He did it before he beat somebody doing it. 1.00
02:17:34.000 And someone stole it and pulled it out of his fucking head. 1.00
02:17:37.000 Like Thanos, they pulled the thing out of his fucking head. 1.00
02:17:39.000 So this guy has these gold chains inserted into his head? 1.00
02:17:43.000 Wait a minute, wait [...
02:18:00.000 wait a minute, [...
02:18:15.000 How about this?
02:18:16.000 Not gold chains, but just gold studs.
02:18:18.000 That's a really bad idea, though.
02:18:20.000 Like beads, gold beads.
02:18:21.000 That's a very yankable thing.
02:18:24.000 Look, he's got the neck thing where his neck is going to grow.
02:18:27.000 Are you saying that's not removable?
02:18:29.000 He's going to have a giraffe neck?
02:18:30.000 Yeah, he's going to have a giraffe neck.
02:18:32.000 Kyle wore coils around his neck as a child.
02:18:33.000 It's actually very regal to have a long neck, by the way.
02:18:36.000 It's very royal.
02:18:37.000 Like a seven foot tall guy's neck?
02:18:38.000 Yeah, yeah.
02:18:41.000 He underwent surgery in April, allowing him to hang dozens of chains from his head.
02:18:47.000 I had it as a hook that's implanted in my head, and that hook has hooks, so they're all hooked in my skull under my skin, he said in a viral clip.
02:18:56.000 This is my hair, golden hair, the first rapper to have gold hair implanted in human history.
02:19:04.000 The word hair and a hook is said so many times.
02:19:08.000 Jamie, please see if there's like detailed images that depict the surgery and the subsequent bleeding.
02:19:16.000 Trump did it first, dude.
02:19:18.000 Imagine that, though. 1.00
02:19:19.000 These fucking kids are very innovative. 1.00
02:19:21.000 That's like cyberpunk shit, dude. 1.00
02:19:23.000 It's pretty wild. 1.00
02:19:24.000 I'm impressed.
02:19:25.000 That's a waste of money.
02:19:26.000 No, no, [... 1.00
02:19:29.000 40 million dollars stupid fucking painting is a waste of money. 1.00
02:19:32.000 If you had gold chains implanted into your head, how fucking cool would that look? 1.00
02:19:39.000 I'm thinking of doing something radical like that. 0.99
02:19:41.000 Or get that clown hair. 1.00
02:19:43.000 Yeah, man.
02:19:43.000 Why don't you get clown hair?
02:19:45.000 You and I, Kurt, we're bald. 0.95
02:19:46.000 Let's get something funky.
02:19:48.000 I'm basically bald.
02:19:50.000 No, you're doing way better. 1.00
02:19:51.000 Is this a privileged piece of shit? 1.00
02:19:54.000 Yeah, shut the fuck up about this. 1.00
02:19:57.000 I'd love to have that salad on my head. 0.99
02:19:59.000 I don't know what I searched for on Instagram, right?
02:20:02.000 But you know how you search something and then the algorithm shows you all these things now?
02:20:05.000 Yeah. 0.98
02:20:05.000 Maybe I clicked on one that I saw in the search, just taking a shit one day, bored. 0.98
02:20:09.000 But there is a whole movement of guys gluing wigs to their head. 0.98
02:20:14.000 No, they're Oh, yes, there is.
02:20:17.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
02:20:17.000 Wait, what do you mean, gluing it?
02:20:19.000 Like, ball guys, it's like, all the ones that I get are from other countries.
02:20:22.000 Do they take it off sometimes?
02:20:23.000 I don't know, but they show a guy, like, looking like this, like, mm-hmm.
02:20:27.000 And then the guy, like, squirts the glue on the head and puts his crazy wig, and then the guy's like, ah!
02:20:35.000 It's like...
02:20:36.000 Why does he do that?
02:20:37.000 Because this guy does this.
02:20:39.000 This is his move.
02:20:41.000 I'm gonna show you.
02:20:41.000 I'm gonna show you.
02:20:42.000 I'm gonna send this to Jamie because I don't know.
02:20:45.000 You know how you get on an algorithm and then the algorithm just sends you, bam, immediately I get to one.
02:20:51.000 It's pretty great because YouTube does that too where you just...
02:20:54.000 Is that it?
02:20:55.000 Glue?
02:20:56.000 I'll find you one.
02:20:57.000 His shirt says superior.
02:20:59.000 What is it?
02:21:00.000 I got one on the screen.
02:21:01.000 Oh, there's one of them.
02:21:02.000 Yeah, there's a ton of these guys.
02:21:05.000 Oh my god, that looks like Mexican me.
02:21:07.000 There's so many of these guys.
02:21:10.000 But this, for whatever reason, I don't know what country it is.
02:21:14.000 Yeah, they look sad.
02:21:15.000 What's this guy? 0.98
02:21:16.000 Oh, I'm fucking sad. 0.97
02:21:17.000 I ain't got no hair. 0.97
02:21:19.000 And then this guy comes along and glues down this.
02:21:23.000 Look at this.
02:21:23.000 Hey, watch this.
02:21:25.000 Bam! 1.00
02:21:26.000 Look at my fucking hair now. 1.00
02:21:27.000 See? 1.00
02:21:28.000 Wow.
02:21:29.000 But they'll show the process.
02:21:30.000 Like, I'm so sad.
02:21:31.000 That's pretty amazing.
02:21:33.000 Any man can have lesbian hair now. 1.00
02:21:36.000 That is the times.
02:21:37.000 But the thing is, though, you're gluing it.
02:21:40.000 I know.
02:21:40.000 How do you get that off?
02:21:41.000 It's rough.
02:21:42.000 Yeah, I've seen this.
02:21:42.000 It's really rough.
02:21:44.000 It does look good. 0.99
02:21:45.000 It looks fucking good. 0.98
02:21:46.000 It looks fucking amazing. 0.99
02:21:47.000 That looks fucking good. 0.99
02:21:48.000 But the thing is, I feel like it would look good for a day. 0.99
02:21:52.000 Dude, who's the guy from fucking... 0.99
02:21:54.000 How heavy would your head be with chains on it? 1.00
02:21:57.000 Joel McHale.
02:21:58.000 Joel McHale.
02:21:59.000 I met him in person.
02:22:02.000 Because you remember where he came from, right?
02:22:04.000 The Burger King commercials?
02:22:05.000 I do not remember the Burger King commercial.
02:22:07.000 Yeah, before all that, he was a guy who was going bald in Burger King commercials.
02:22:11.000 It was like copying the success of The Office, and it would be like, I thought I told you a Whopper.
02:22:18.000 And then he had an amazing Dragon Ball Z hair.
02:22:25.000 He does have great hair.
02:22:26.000 Dude, and I asked him point blank, because I would be like, what do you do to hold your hair?
02:22:29.000 I immediately will ask somebody that.
02:22:32.000 Okay, so this is back in the Dizay. 0.86
02:22:34.000 Wow, Jamie's good.
02:22:35.000 Oh, yeah.
02:22:36.000 So that's right when I was at that hair loss, I asked him, what does he do to hold his hair in?
02:22:40.000 He didn't tell me.
02:22:41.000 He wouldn't tell you, huh?
02:22:42.000 He probably had great...
02:22:43.000 Gotta keep it tight.
02:22:44.000 Those are good plots.
02:22:45.000 Loose lips sink ships, and you got loose lips, pal. 1.00
02:22:47.000 You do, you do.
02:22:48.000 I do loose lips.
02:22:49.000 If I could help people that...
02:22:51.000 To have Joel McHale hair, I would feel it was my duty to do that.
02:22:55.000 This is off topic.
02:22:56.000 Have you seen the cat at the football game?
02:22:58.000 Yes!
02:22:59.000 Yes!
02:22:59.000 They caught the cat with the flag?
02:23:02.000 Yes.
02:23:02.000 The cat was hanging from a...
02:23:04.000 Like, the cat was...
02:23:05.000 You gotta see this.
02:23:06.000 It looked like a feral cat was at a football game and got stuck on a rafter and was like hanging.
02:23:11.000 Yeah, look at this.
02:23:12.000 Look, hanging. 1.00
02:23:13.000 Holy shit. 1.00
02:23:13.000 Over the top. 1.00
02:23:14.000 This isn't even the good angle.
02:23:15.000 This calf falls really far.
02:23:17.000 I mean, this guy's reaching, trying to get it.
02:23:19.000 And so these people...
02:23:21.000 No, it is a good angle because underneath it you see how they catch it.
02:23:25.000 And so, this is in Miami.
02:23:27.000 It's a very far drop.
02:23:29.000 Yeah.
02:23:29.000 But watch how the cat drops and they catch him with a flag.
02:23:33.000 Bam! 0.98
02:23:33.000 See? 0.98
02:23:33.000 They got him with a flag. 0.98
02:23:34.000 American flag.
02:23:35.000 I didn't see him catch him.
02:23:36.000 And then they're holding the cat up.
02:23:37.000 Yay! 0.99
02:23:37.000 I hope that was like a house cat. 0.99
02:23:39.000 I just imagine people going, should we bring our cat to the football game?
02:23:42.000 Like, I don't know.
02:23:42.000 I think I'll like it.
02:23:44.000 Imagine the cat freaking the fuck out, all these people screaming.
02:23:48.000 The cat's very calm right there. 0.89
02:23:50.000 No, the cat attacks that guy.
02:23:54.000 There's no thank you.
02:23:55.000 The cat doesn't understand what's going on.
02:23:57.000 No, he's totally confused.
02:23:59.000 When you guys sit down to write, what is the process?
02:24:02.000 I'll tell ya, because I think we do a very, our process is better than how they do it with other shows, because, you know, you'll write a script, and then they'll lock in the script, and you're in a room, and they'll go shoot it, and you're locked into that script, basically.
02:24:17.000 But what we'll do is, like, we'll have an idea, and I'll shoot, like, a real rough, and we'll look at it.
02:24:23.000 And go, that doesn't work.
02:24:24.000 Because once you perform it, it changes a lot of the time.
02:24:26.000 So it's painstaking, but we'll reshoot things a few times to get it right.
02:24:32.000 Which you can't do when you're doing expensive.
02:24:34.000 I just shoot in my room with a green screen.
02:24:36.000 What is the process?
02:24:37.000 Do you have a premise that you guys discuss together?
02:24:41.000 We bullshit about something on the phone. 0.62
02:24:44.000 Or Zoom, and we'll laugh. 0.97
02:24:45.000 We've cried laugh sometimes.
02:24:47.000 I mean, it's been great.
02:24:48.000 I mean, Kurt's also a friend of mine, and it's just so fun to cry laugh writing sometimes.
02:24:55.000 Stuff that sometimes doesn't make the stuff we're doing, but once we get on something, we'll...
02:25:01.000 I remember when you guys were gonna do a show for Comedy Central, and I was happy and sad at the same time.
02:25:09.000 I was happy for you, but I was like, they're gonna fuck it up. 0.67
02:25:12.000 And then when they wouldn't do the Caitlyn Jenner fucking Donald Trump one, when you showed it to me, I remember we were in the green room of the main room in the Comedy Store, and you showed me the video on your phone. 0.98
02:25:24.000 And I'm tearing. 0.97
02:25:25.000 I can't breathe.
02:25:26.000 I'm crying.
02:25:27.000 I'm like, oh my god.
02:25:28.000 And you're like, they won't do this.
02:25:30.000 They won't use it.
02:25:31.000 I'm like, what?
02:25:32.000 They wouldn't do it.
02:25:33.000 It was offensive.
02:25:36.000 You couldn't have Caitlyn Jenner and Donald Trump.
02:25:38.000 You had to already have been South Park for 20 years.
02:25:42.000 They're just so scared of anything controversial, which is one of the core tenets of comedy.
02:25:49.000 Like, controversial things.
02:25:51.000 By the way, I do not care for that one bit. 1.00
02:25:53.000 Jane, you ignorant slut. 1.00
02:25:53.000 Yeah. 1.00
02:25:53.000 I mean, it's been from the beginning of time. 1.00
02:25:55.000 Luckily, YouTube, we can do that.
02:25:58.000 Oh, my God.
02:25:59.000 I am glad, too, in a way that it didn't get picked up.
02:26:03.000 Because it...
02:26:06.000 Really, I'm repeating what you're saying, but you want to be on some kind of edge in order to have a really big laugh a lot of times.
02:26:14.000 And we're not trying to be offensive to anybody.
02:26:17.000 I don't want to hurt any of these feelings, but it's...
02:26:20.000 You're just going for the most funny thing to say.
02:26:22.000 Yeah, trying to get a belly laugh.
02:26:24.000 Yeah.
02:26:24.000 Give people a belly laugh is the greatest thing.
02:26:25.000 You're getting the biggest laughs you can out of those such as.
02:26:28.000 See, the great thing is... 0.99
02:26:29.000 Kyle doesn't know anything about fucking politics. 0.99
02:26:31.000 This is the best part. 0.99
02:26:33.000 It's like if some kid you knew had a playset of cool toys to play with, because he does all these voices.
02:26:40.000 Right.
02:26:41.000 So that's all it is, is taking a...
02:26:44.000 You know, there's no reason Ben Shapiro would be with Joe Biden as his butler.
02:26:49.000 It's just he does the impression.
02:26:51.000 So, you know, like, you don't really have to be political to like it.
02:26:56.000 The thing that's funny is people get mad.
02:26:58.000 He really offends both sides.
02:27:00.000 Yeah, I do get both.
02:27:02.000 Yeah.
02:27:03.000 Some people are genuinely mad.
02:27:05.000 When Trump was president, I really got a lot of hate, but I just tried to- Stormy!
02:27:10.000 He has my favorite impression of Trump.
02:27:13.000 Stormy.
02:27:14.000 It's not very good.
02:27:15.000 It's great. 0.99
02:27:16.000 Trump is great because the image that you use for the face swap is Trump at his most fucked up. 0.99
02:27:22.000 It looks like he's hungover. 0.99
02:27:24.000 I know.
02:27:24.000 I was saved by, I was actually in a writer's room and I was miserable.
02:27:27.000 It's a great job.
02:27:29.000 I shouldn't complain, but I just wanted to perform.
02:27:31.000 And so I started doing face swaps of the writers in the room.
02:27:35.000 And that's how I started doing it.
02:27:36.000 And then when I found the Trump one, I did an impression of him for years, but I looked the opposite of him.
02:27:42.000 Like every feature of my face is different than Trump's.
02:27:44.000 And I was like, oh, I could do Trump.
02:27:46.000 So I started doing videos of Trump.
02:27:48.000 And then luckily you found it. 1.00
02:27:51.000 Face swap is the shit. 0.99
02:27:53.000 And the thing about your face swap as opposed to the face swap that like Dr. Fakenstein and those... 1.00
02:27:59.000 The good ones aren't as funny, dude.
02:28:00.000 Right.
02:28:01.000 It's so good.
02:28:02.000 His stuff...
02:28:03.000 Like, that was also a problem with the Comedy Central thing.
02:28:05.000 It's like, it was so good, it lost some of the hilarity.
02:28:10.000 It drains it, dude.
02:28:12.000 If it's too good...
02:28:13.000 The face swap is like a caricature, okay?
02:28:16.000 And the best impressions...
02:28:18.000 Did you ever see the Will Ferrell where he's Bush for one night only?
02:28:23.000 It's like a one-man show where he's George Bush.
02:28:26.000 It's hilarious.
02:28:26.000 His George W. Bush isn't that accurate.
02:28:29.000 It's like Will Ferrell being him.
02:28:30.000 So having that...
02:28:32.000 When you have it, it looks perfect, like the digital fake.
02:28:35.000 It draws attention to how much you're not really...
02:28:39.000 The guy.
02:28:40.000 The caricature one makes it funny because it's like, it does something.
02:28:45.000 Well, it brings it into the cartoon realm.
02:28:46.000 Yes.
02:28:47.000 Like the South Park.
02:28:48.000 Right.
02:28:48.000 Like South Park is so, it's so not a human being.
02:28:53.000 It's so obviously not a human being that Kenny can die every week and no one cares.
02:28:57.000 Right.
02:28:57.000 It's not uncanny like, what do they call it, the uncanny valley?
02:29:00.000 Yeah, the uncanny valley.
02:29:01.000 Yeah. 1.00
02:29:01.000 Yours are so obviously fake that it's fucking, it's It's perfect. 1.00
02:29:06.000 It's my favorite thing to watch, and I'm not bullshitting. 1.00
02:29:09.000 You have my favorite comedy show that I watch. 0.96
02:29:13.000 When you have a new video out, I fucking share it with everybody. 0.96
02:29:16.000 I get so excited. 0.98
02:29:16.000 He had it before I got there. 0.98
02:29:18.000 He had pussies and shit. 1.00
02:29:19.000 He did that before I was there. 1.00
02:29:21.000 And Catty Daddy with Annie.
02:29:23.000 Oh my god.
02:29:24.000 Oh my god, that is funny.
02:29:25.000 Thank you.
02:29:26.000 How'd you come up with Caddy when he throws his glasses down?
02:29:28.000 I was actually in my car with Annie, and I was like, that's so bad.
02:29:32.000 I was just being, like, caddy about it.
02:29:36.000 He's just a caddy guy. 1.00
02:29:37.000 He loves Russian pussy. 1.00
02:29:39.000 And when you guys do pussies. 1.00
02:29:40.000 Yeah, and pussies, I remember Kurt coming up to me and being like, oh, I could add to that pussies thing. 1.00
02:29:48.000 And I really at first was like, there's no way Kurt can play, like, a soft man. 0.99
02:29:52.000 In my mind.
02:29:52.000 Can you imagine?
02:29:54.000 But he does an amazing, soft, it's actually disgusting. 0.95
02:29:58.000 His mic is gross. 1.00
02:29:59.000 Yeah, it is repulsive watching pussies. 1.00
02:30:02.000 Yeah, and pussies, he has such a knowledge of that culture and the words. 1.00
02:30:07.000 I don't know shit about all that stuff. 0.99
02:30:09.000 He has to tell me, like, you can't say that. 0.98
02:30:11.000 That's a fan.
02:30:11.000 He actually puts me in charge.
02:30:14.000 Kyle's much older than me.
02:30:15.000 Do you remember?
02:30:16.000 Yeah.
02:30:17.000 Do you remember that video where these men are apologizing to women?
02:30:23.000 Do you remember the video?
02:30:24.000 And then Will Smith, or Will Ferrell rather, made a mockery of it.
02:30:29.000 Like, it was called Dear Women. 0.91
02:30:32.000 It was called Dear Women. 0.55
02:30:33.000 And it was these guys that were apologizing.
02:30:37.000 You know, to women for all the bad men throughout history.
02:30:41.000 Do you remember that video?
02:30:41.000 I think I have a different one.
02:30:42.000 There's a gamer, there's a bunch of gamers apologizing to it.
02:30:45.000 No, no, no, no, no, no.
02:30:46.000 No, that's not what that is.
02:30:48.000 Dear women. 1.00
02:30:48.000 This is, no, no, but this is the Will Ferrell one. 1.00
02:30:51.000 Try to find the original one, because the original one is so gross.
02:30:55.000 That's it right there.
02:30:56.000 Go down.
02:30:57.000 It's a mix.
02:30:58.000 It was a playlist.
02:30:58.000 Yeah, but just show the original one.
02:31:00.000 Not Will Ferrell.
02:31:02.000 Just say Dear Woman Video. 1.00
02:31:05.000 2011?
02:31:06.000 Yeah, the original video is these guys that just decided they're going to get some social clout by apologizing for all the bad men ever.
02:31:14.000 And all you think of when you watch these guys is like, these guys are secret creeps.
02:31:19.000 You should assume they're serial killers.
02:31:21.000 You're assuming, for sure, that women don't like them. 1.00
02:31:24.000 So they've figured out, like, this is my hook.
02:31:26.000 Yeah.
02:31:27.000 You know, like, male feminists. 1.00
02:31:29.000 Like, you always assume.
02:31:31.000 Like, this is your last Hail Mary.
02:31:33.000 You're trying to get some person.
02:31:35.000 I assume you have...
02:31:36.000 Last chance.
02:31:37.000 You know what I assume it is?
02:31:39.000 You're in a Jamie Kilstein at his height of that relationship You had Jamie on, right?
02:31:45.000 Yeah.
02:31:45.000 Where he talks about his trying to please somebody that doesn't love it.
02:31:49.000 It's the saddest fucking thing you've ever seen. 0.99
02:31:52.000 You brought this up to me about religion. 1.00
02:31:54.000 There's a little bit of a flogging aspect to it.
02:31:57.000 Yes.
02:31:58.000 Self-flagellating.
02:31:59.000 There's a sexual weird... 0.90
02:32:00.000 I'm bad. 0.92
02:32:01.000 I know I'm the worst.
02:32:03.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
02:32:04.000 Yeah, hit me again.
02:32:06.000 I apologize for all of you.
02:32:09.000 Have you found the original?
02:32:10.000 Well, no.
02:32:11.000 The original link has been taken down.
02:32:14.000 How would they take it down?
02:32:15.000 It's the internet.
02:32:16.000 Well, I mean, so the link...
02:32:17.000 Dear Woman, right there. 0.99
02:32:18.000 Right there.
02:32:19.000 That's the welfare.
02:32:19.000 Conscious Men.
02:32:20.000 Oh, is it?
02:32:20.000 It says uploaded by Funny or Die.
02:32:22.000 Oh, shit. 0.99
02:32:23.000 I'll bet Conscious Men was actually like a woman trafficking organization that was like luring in. 1.00
02:32:28.000 But there was a real...
02:32:30.000 That's the guys.
02:32:31.000 Look at these guys.
02:32:31.000 Look at them, too.
02:32:32.000 Look at them, too.
02:32:33.000 Oh, I remember that, too, when that came out.
02:32:36.000 There's got to be a video in there.
02:32:38.000 There's no video in that article.
02:32:39.000 Again, it's linking to the original video.
02:32:42.000 That original video is gone now, so I'm trying to find someone that has re-uploaded it by searching for Conscious Men, because that's their group.
02:32:49.000 Oh, that's what they call themselves?
02:32:51.000 Dear Video by Conscious Men.
02:32:52.000 Is that it right there?
02:32:53.000 No, that's still the Will Ferrell one.
02:32:55.000 No, the one below it in the Facebook link.
02:32:57.000 Is that it?
02:32:57.000 I think that's it.
02:33:00.000 Yeah, this is it.
02:33:02.000 Nope. 0.99
02:33:03.000 God damn it. 1.00
02:33:04.000 Let me see. 1.00
02:33:05.000 Yep, this is it.
02:33:06.000 Give me some volume.
02:33:11.000 Just Spanish subtitles.
02:33:17.000 Oh no.
02:33:33.000 We want to apologize and make amends for those actions today so that we can move forward together into a new era of co-creation.
02:33:41.000 Oh my god.
02:33:42.000 It's a trap.
02:33:42.000 Don't go.
02:33:44.000 My genitals just went up my body. 1.00
02:33:49.000 So psycho. 0.99
02:33:52.000 So psycho. 0.87
02:33:53.000 I know that we all have access to a full spectrum.
02:33:58.000 I also have a growing awareness of a dimension beyond all dualities. 0.99
02:34:06.000 This shit works by the way! 0.98
02:34:13.000 I know that in order to truly honor you as a multi-dimensional woman, I must stand fully present with myself and own the gifts I have to show. 0.99
02:34:21.000 That's the guy with the buffalo helmet on who broke into the Capitol.
02:34:25.000 Looks like that Jesus painting.
02:34:27.000 That's him without the makeup on his face.
02:34:29.000 Great miracles together.
02:34:31.000 By nurturing each other in a conscious way.
02:34:33.000 All serial killers.
02:34:35.000 Yeah, he's got dead moments in his basement.
02:34:37.000 They have dead eyes all alone.
02:34:38.000 They have worshipping the divinity expressed in the masculine and the feminine energies.
02:34:42.000 Oh my god, dude.
02:34:43.000 As men, our relationship to the feminine is often been unconscious.
02:34:48.000 I feel sorrow that women and feminine energy have for so long been subjugated and oppressed. 0.99
02:34:54.000 Throughout history, men have raped and abused you. 0.99
02:34:59.000 Oh my god. 1.00
02:35:00.000 What the fuck? 1.00
02:35:01.000 That's a woman burning alive? 1.00
02:35:03.000 Jesus Christ!
02:35:05.000 Okay, okay.
02:35:05.000 We get it.
02:35:06.000 We get it.
02:35:06.000 That's what we do.
02:35:07.000 Burning women. 1.00
02:35:09.000 I'm sorry. 0.99
02:35:10.000 That was a real video.
02:35:11.000 Those guys were like, I know how to solve this.
02:35:13.000 No one...
02:35:14.000 I think they probably thought they'd get some...
02:35:17.000 They definitely did, and they probably got together and go, guys, this is the one.
02:35:21.000 Wait, so what did Will Ferrell do?
02:35:23.000 Will Ferrell did a hilarious take on it.
02:35:26.000 Oh, yeah. 0.99
02:35:27.000 Their take on it was fucking genius. 0.99
02:35:30.000 Oh, that dude's funny. 0.99
02:35:31.000 Yeah, they spoofed it.
02:35:32.000 And then he, like, fired back...
02:35:35.000 I should say he clapped back at Will, because that's the thing they say.
02:35:38.000 They still say clap back?
02:35:39.000 Yeah.
02:35:39.000 He clapped back.
02:35:41.000 Conscious men clapped back at Will Ferrell.
02:35:42.000 By the way, that's the one appropriation that's totally cool, taking all black transgender things.
02:35:48.000 Clapping back?
02:35:49.000 Yeah.
02:35:50.000 See if you can find the Will Ferrell one, play the Will Ferrell one, because the Will Ferrell one was genius.
02:35:53.000 But yeah, again, they would never do that today.
02:35:58.000 I just want to know so much more.
02:36:00.000 It seemed like that was a cult.
02:36:01.000 There's something else going on with all of them.
02:36:03.000 Are they part of a cult?
02:36:04.000 Oh, yeah, for sure.
02:36:05.000 It looks like a front group.
02:36:07.000 There's a lot of other dimensions.
02:36:09.000 Let's watch the movie.
02:36:11.000 Dear woman, we stand before you today as men committed to becoming more conscious in every way.
02:36:18.000 We feel deep love, great respect, and a growing sense of worship for the gifts of the feminine.
02:36:25.000 They don't have to change the words!
02:36:26.000 We also feel deep sorrow about the destructive actions of the unconscious masculine in the past and present.
02:36:32.000 We want to apologize and make amends for those actions in order to bring forth a new era of co-creation with you.
02:36:40.000 As I become more conscious, I grow more aware of the play of masculine and feminine history within you and in all of life.
02:36:52.000 Free and open like the sky.
02:36:57.000 I commit to owning and stewarding a masculinity that honors and celebrates us as equals.
02:37:03.000 We can create great miracles together by nurturing each other in a conscious way.
02:37:12.000 By the way, none of us would dare do this joke now.
02:37:18.000 None of them would.
02:37:19.000 Not one guy in this? 0.99
02:37:21.000 This is fucking hilarious. 0.98
02:37:23.000 Not one of them would be in a thing like that now. 0.99
02:37:25.000 That's only ten years ago.
02:37:25.000 Not one.
02:37:26.000 It's only ten years ago.
02:37:27.000 Imagine how much has changed since social media and the advent of the social justice warrior.
02:37:34.000 We mocked them? 0.59
02:37:36.000 But they have had a significant impact just out of straight fear.
02:37:40.000 They won.
02:37:41.000 They won.
02:37:43.000 They won.
02:37:43.000 They won a large battle.
02:37:45.000 I mean, Bill Burr's still out there swinging for the fastest.
02:37:47.000 There's a lot of guys who are out there.
02:37:49.000 You know, they won like Foghorn Leghorn won in those Looney Tunes where he'd fight with the other chicken for that big glasses chicken.
02:37:57.000 And he'd be like, what did I win?
02:37:58.000 That's what they want.
02:38:00.000 Burr was on stage last night in Madison Square Garden, and he does this bit.
02:38:04.000 He's doing this bit about how women should get paid less for sports because less people pay to see them.
02:38:10.000 And Segura told me that some woman freaked out like, and he said the way he described it, it was like an animal had gotten a hold of her.
02:38:18.000 She was screaming and wailing at him, just screaming at the top of her lungs.
02:38:24.000 And Bill just went, Full savage mode at her.
02:38:27.000 But it's like he's setting up a bit and she will not allow it.
02:38:31.000 She will not allow this bit.
02:38:33.000 At the cellar, I had a joke.
02:38:35.000 I ended up doing my hour.
02:38:36.000 I had a joke where I said I'm against gay marriage.
02:38:40.000 It was back when it was a thing.
02:38:42.000 Which was ultimately a pro-gay marriage joke. 0.77
02:38:45.000 It's just the hook of the beginning is I'm against it.
02:38:49.000 So I'm doing that joke.
02:38:50.000 Some girl just grabs up. 1.00
02:38:52.000 She grabs another table and The guy's drink and throws it on me. 1.00
02:38:57.000 Oh my god.
02:38:58.000 And they're going to throw it out like, wait, wait, why did she do that?
02:39:00.000 She goes, you're against gay marriage.
02:39:02.000 She didn't need to hear anything more than that.
02:39:05.000 Well, the people have conflated jokes and bits with your actual thoughts and feelings on things.
02:39:12.000 Like, no, this is a comedy show.
02:39:14.000 It's like when you go to see a Quentin Tarantino movie, Brad Pitt's not really smashing a woman's face off the mantelpiece.
02:39:21.000 Right.
02:39:21.000 This is fiction.
02:39:23.000 And with jokes, you're obviously, I can't believe I have to explain this, you're obviously setting something up.
02:39:28.000 I had this woman do this to me at the store. 1.00
02:39:29.000 You do have to explain this, actually.
02:39:31.000 This woman at the store.
02:39:32.000 I was at the store, and I used to have this bit about, there was a guy who broke into the White House.
02:39:36.000 And when he broke into the White House, there was a woman guarding the front door of the White House with no gun. 0.99
02:39:40.000 One lady at the door, by herself, unlocked door, no gun. 1.00
02:39:45.000 And this guy just broke through.
02:39:47.000 Who was president?
02:39:48.000 Obama.
02:39:48.000 So during this bit, I say that, you know, people say that women can do everything men can do, right?
02:39:54.000 I go, well, that's not true.
02:39:56.000 Yeah.
02:39:56.000 Because men can't...
02:39:57.000 And then she fucking screamed, bullshit, fuck you! 1.00
02:40:00.000 I go, hope, please. 1.00
02:40:02.000 I go, hope, please.
02:40:03.000 I go, I've got more.
02:40:04.000 See, men can't do everything men can do.
02:40:07.000 That's why we have the Olympics.
02:40:09.000 Right?
02:40:09.000 I go, you know, this whole thing about, like, I say, if Shaquille O'Neal is guarding the White House, I'm like, I'm not getting in.
02:40:20.000 Like, if the White House, or I say, if the White House is experiencing a Shaq attack and I'm guarding the White House, I go, yeah. 1.00
02:40:27.000 Because I met Shaquille O'Neal, and his dick is where my face is. 0.99
02:40:30.000 I keep trying to explain to this lady while I'm doing the bit. 0.99
02:40:34.000 And she keeps chiming, and eventually they kick her out. 0.99
02:40:36.000 But I'm like, Jesus fucking Christ, lady. 0.99
02:40:39.000 There's a bit, and I get shit on in the bit. 0.99
02:40:42.000 But it doesn't matter, dude. 0.92
02:40:43.000 It didn't matter.
02:40:44.000 Listen, if you're already a Mancurian candidate, Mancurian candidate programmed, Whatever the word is, you already hit the code word.
02:40:52.000 Well, apparently she worked at a studio, too.
02:40:55.000 She was like a studio exec, and she was drunk in the first row. 1.00
02:40:58.000 Oh.
02:40:58.000 Like, heckling, stopping the bit.
02:41:00.000 I go, you're not even listening.
02:41:02.000 I go, this is the bit.
02:41:03.000 That's every job at the club, if you're the bouncer or the bartender, is dealing with drunks. 0.75
02:41:09.000 That's the main industry of stand-up, is just dealing with drunks.
02:41:13.000 Well, some of them, but this desire to jump in in the middle of a bit if you don't like the setup.
02:41:21.000 You don't even know where it's going.
02:41:23.000 The whole idea is, how is this woman going to be able to... 1.00
02:41:27.000 If Mike Tyson is trying to break into the White House, you need multiple male armed guards to stop that from happening. 0.97
02:41:34.000 You can't have a lady with no gun. 1.00
02:41:36.000 And some fucking crazy dude ran all the way across the lawn. 1.00
02:41:40.000 Apparently, the guy that has the dog wasn't paying attention. 1.00
02:41:42.000 He took his headset off because there's people with dogs.
02:41:46.000 They're supposed to let them loose if someone...
02:41:47.000 It was a clusterfuck of errors.
02:41:50.000 And the whole bit is about how this guy is running, probably on a suicide run.
02:41:54.000 Because this guy had been arrested just outside the White House with, like, guns and a hatchet and, like, a trunk filled with ammo.
02:42:02.000 They had arrested him, like, two weeks prior.
02:42:04.000 Why was that not...
02:42:05.000 That seems like...
02:42:05.000 That was a big story.
02:42:06.000 It was a big story.
02:42:07.000 Well, I don't remember it at all.
02:42:08.000 It was a big story. 0.98
02:42:09.000 So I tried to set this bid up saying that, look, I've met Shaquille O'Neal and his dick is where my face is. 1.00
02:42:17.000 I'm like, if I'm guarding the White House and the White House is experiencing a Shaq attack, we're fucked. 1.00
02:42:22.000 The country's doomed. 1.00
02:42:23.000 He's going to get in. 1.00
02:42:24.000 Could you at least stop his dick, the part that is eye-level? 1.00
02:42:28.000 Yeah, could you just stop his dick? 1.00
02:42:29.000 I don't even think I could. 0.99
02:42:30.000 But the idea is that it's a physical thing.
02:42:34.000 Like, the idea that a woman, a frail woman, should be able to guard the White House without a gun is preposterous. 1.00
02:42:41.000 I mean, that's the plot of a lot of movies.
02:42:44.000 But the idea that these people sit there and wait for you to say something that may or may not be a green light that they can step in and correct you on.
02:42:53.000 I know. 1.00
02:42:55.000 Fucking infuriatingly stupid. 1.00
02:42:56.000 I think it benefits us a little bit, because not many people can do, definitely not networks. 1.00
02:43:04.000 All in the Family was a good example of, Archie Bunker was the idiot. 1.00
02:43:09.000 And you have a nuanced humor, and people laughed at him, and it kind of eased racial tension, because everyone's like, the whole country's laughing, this idiot racist. 1.00
02:43:16.000 And you can't do that anymore, because people, like you're saying, can't get through the front, can't go any layer deeper than... 0.99
02:43:23.000 No room for humor.
02:43:24.000 Do you remember Bruce Smirnoff?
02:43:25.000 Did you know him from the comic strip?
02:43:27.000 Do you remember his story getting fired off of Archie's Place?
02:43:30.000 What was Archie's Place, another sitcom?
02:43:32.000 It was when Archie, Edith was dead, and he had like an...
02:43:36.000 Was the actress still alive and didn't want to do it? 0.98
02:43:38.000 That would be even sadder.
02:43:40.000 I don't want to do it! 0.99
02:43:43.000 My contract sucks! 0.98
02:43:47.000 Just do the show. 0.99
02:43:49.000 Yeah, so I guess Bruce stepped on Carol O'Connor's lines.
02:43:57.000 And he wanted him to fly, right?
02:43:59.000 But his manager didn't have the heart to tell him.
02:44:03.000 So Bruce just went to work the next day.
02:44:05.000 Okay?
02:44:06.000 That happened to me, actually.
02:44:07.000 Yeah, everybody's being weird to him.
02:44:09.000 And he's like, got the crafty getting a bagel or something.
02:44:13.000 And someone walks up with a...
02:44:15.000 Because there's no...
02:44:16.000 It's all corded.
02:44:18.000 So he brings a phone with a super long cord and walks it up to him.
02:44:23.000 Everybody's just staring at him, and he has to answer the phone, and his manager's like, listen, I meant to tell you that you're fired from this show.
02:44:28.000 He's like, uh-huh, uh-huh. 1.00
02:44:30.000 What a shitty manager. 1.00
02:44:31.000 I auditioned for this thing. 1.00
02:44:33.000 It was like four auditions to get this, it was like a part, it was six episodes on some NBC show.
02:44:39.000 And so I go in there, and right before the big table read, they have a table read for the network, you know, and I sit down and go, you have some new lines. 0.99
02:44:46.000 And I'm like, fuck, because I cannot read cold. 0.98
02:44:48.000 I'm a very poor reader. 1.00
02:44:51.000 I've been to schools.
02:44:52.000 Dude, that's the crazy thing.
02:44:53.000 Dyslexia, you could go into making great sketches or be Sammy the Bull.
02:44:58.000 Yes, both don't require.
02:45:00.000 Dyslexia?
02:45:01.000 Yeah.
02:45:02.000 Dude, it looks like a lot of the mafia was a program for young Italians with dyslexia.
02:45:07.000 I didn't even test back then.
02:45:08.000 I went to a nun.
02:45:09.000 Tell me what happened.
02:45:10.000 So I sit down. 1.00
02:45:12.000 I'm like, oh, fuck. 1.00
02:45:13.000 And everyone's getting, like, killer laughs, you know? 1.00
02:45:15.000 And it gets to me, and I'm like, the store is closing at...
02:45:20.000 At five o'clock.
02:45:24.000 And then the whole room was just like dead.
02:45:26.000 I got, I left and I was like, oh, that didn't go well.
02:45:28.000 I'm probably gonna fire.
02:45:29.000 But I came back the next day and the casting director like stopped me.
02:45:33.000 And I was going to Iraq like a week later.
02:45:35.000 And she's like, but have fun in Iraq.
02:45:38.000 And then my agent dropped me.
02:45:39.000 But then Joe Rogan found my videos.
02:45:41.000 That was what happened here?
02:45:43.000 Yeah.
02:45:44.000 Jesus Christ.
02:45:45.000 The thing is, you can't tell them, hey, I need time to go over this.
02:45:51.000 You can't just give it to me cold.
02:45:52.000 I should have said that.
02:45:53.000 When I was younger, they didn't really test for... 1.00
02:45:56.000 You were just a dumb person if you couldn't read fast. 1.00
02:45:58.000 Right. 1.00
02:45:58.000 So they brought me these nuns. 1.00
02:45:59.000 I mean, also now.
02:46:01.000 The machine would project on the wall sentences at a certain speed.
02:46:06.000 And I had to drive an hour and a half to go to this.
02:46:08.000 None, and she was like, tested me on level one, and she saw I was upset, and she goes, by the end of the summer, you'll be on level 10. So the whole summer I worked and drove there, and then we did the test at the end of the summer, and I was on level one.
02:46:24.000 And her faith in God, like, you just saw it fall off her, she just patted me on the back, and she was like, bye.
02:46:34.000 Oh my god.
02:46:35.000 So what was she teaching?
02:46:36.000 It's okay.
02:46:36.000 Don't worry about it.
02:46:36.000 What was she teaching you?
02:46:38.000 She was taking me through the...
02:46:40.000 Thanks.
02:46:42.000 Taking me through the machine, you know?
02:46:44.000 And she'd be like, try to look at chunks at a time.
02:46:47.000 But did she understand dyslexia?
02:46:48.000 Did she get it?
02:46:49.000 No.
02:46:50.000 It's not simple.
02:46:50.000 You know who really got the word out about dyslexia, by the way?
02:46:54.000 Who?
02:46:55.000 Bill Cosby on The Cosby Show.
02:46:58.000 Really?
02:46:58.000 Theo.
02:46:59.000 He was always hard on Theo, but he found out.
02:47:02.000 Let me hear you, Cosby.
02:47:03.000 D-O! That's it?
02:47:05.000 That's all you got?
02:47:05.000 All I got is D-O! You have so many impressions.
02:47:11.000 You know what's funny?
02:47:13.000 The Bill Maher one.
02:47:14.000 How bad does Bill Maher hate your impression?
02:47:16.000 It's funny because I actually feel bad now.
02:47:20.000 Because I think we've overshot...
02:47:22.000 And I have nothing against Bill Maher.
02:47:25.000 I like Bill Maher. 0.99
02:47:26.000 I think Bill Maher's rants on his show are fucking... 0.99
02:47:29.000 They're important. 0.99
02:47:30.000 They're huge.
02:47:31.000 They're really good. 0.99
02:47:32.000 Like some of the more recent ones, attacking woke culture and all the bullshit involved. 0.88
02:47:36.000 Yeah, the ones I like... 0.84
02:47:38.000 I want to apologize to Bill Maher because that's the first sketch we really buckled down together with and we have been being gangbanged by a lot of celebrities and that's not right.
02:47:48.000 Can we watch that?
02:47:49.000 I guess we could put it on.
02:47:50.000 Which one?
02:47:50.000 Where's that at?
02:47:51.000 Bill Maher gangbang.
02:47:52.000 Didn't he pretend to not know who you were?
02:47:54.000 Yes, and then you could tell he did.
02:47:58.000 Then you were like, let's play it.
02:47:59.000 Don't play it.
02:48:00.000 If you play that, I'm leaving.
02:48:03.000 Okay, so Kyle, that's the first thing that I worked on.
02:48:08.000 Because all of Kyle's anger comes out through sketch and dance and music.
02:48:13.000 Sketch and dance.
02:48:15.000 Not dance.
02:48:16.000 I did tap with my mother when I was 12. Yeah, it's dance, too.
02:48:20.000 And so the thing that's funny is, his idea was like, I want Bill Maher to get gangbanged.
02:48:25.000 So the thing...
02:48:26.000 No, I was upset because he was like, his impression's terrible.
02:48:31.000 I've heard it.
02:48:31.000 It's terrible.
02:48:32.000 That's what he said.
02:48:33.000 Your impression's amazing.
02:48:34.000 Thank you.
02:48:34.000 And you said, it's good, let's play it.
02:48:36.000 And he was like, if you play that, I'm leaving.
02:48:38.000 Oh.
02:48:42.000 My suggestion was to make it for charity.
02:48:46.000 Bang started.
02:48:47.000 And I hope everybody's here.
02:48:49.000 Because I'm not waiting.
02:48:51.000 Present.
02:48:52.000 I was thinking, since I love dinosaurs, perhaps I could...
02:48:56.000 Jeff Goldblum.
02:48:57.000 Yes, yes.
02:48:59.000 So Jeff Goldblum.
02:49:00.000 I like it like this. 1.00
02:49:01.000 Military anal, on my back, like a girl. 1.00
02:49:05.000 This is going exactly where you think it's going, so please feel free to stop watching. 0.99
02:49:09.000 And remember, I did not write this.
02:49:12.000 This is Brave Little Caleb's sketch.
02:49:15.000 Oh, that's right.
02:49:15.000 It's Wish a Sketch.
02:49:17.000 Yeah, the intro's Wish a Sketch.
02:49:18.000 Your wish is my command.
02:49:19.000 That's my legs.
02:49:21.000 Before we get started, would anybody like it?
02:49:23.000 Yes, yes.
02:49:28.000 I'm all fat, but thank you.
02:49:30.000 Could you scooch? 0.77
02:49:32.000 It's a real honor, Mr. Vice President.
02:49:34.000 Now, why don't you grab a foot, and you and Jeff try to split me in two, okay? 0.89
02:49:39.000 Let me just slide in.
02:49:41.000 Why wouldn't he like it?
02:49:42.000 Who's that supposed to be?
02:49:42.000 That's Al Gore.
02:49:44.000 Yes, yes, yes, yes.
02:49:47.000 New rule. 1.00
02:49:47.000 Next time, put lube on your penises before you jam them in a virgin asshole. 1.00
02:49:52.000 See, this is where we... 1.00
02:49:54.000 Why didn't Bill want to see those?
02:49:55.000 We went too far.
02:49:56.000 We went too far on that one.
02:49:58.000 Well, I don't understand why he didn't think that that sounded like him.
02:50:01.000 Okay, grateful.
02:50:02.000 You've got to admit, it's a great impression.
02:50:04.000 And I don't know of anybody else who does a Bill Maher impression.
02:50:08.000 I think if someone even does a bad impression, you have to pretend you like it as a general rule. 0.98
02:50:12.000 That's a fucking good one. 0.97
02:50:14.000 I like it. 0.99
02:50:15.000 Because then it looks like you're upset.
02:50:16.000 Why don't you apologize to Bill?
02:50:17.000 Ask Bill.
02:50:18.000 Okay, Bill.
02:50:19.000 I want to apologize for all the things I said about you in the past.
02:50:24.000 Okay?
02:50:27.000 I'm not going to do any more Bill more.
02:50:29.000 Except for...
02:50:30.000 Well, we did one other one.
02:50:31.000 But, yeah.
02:50:32.000 He was never really that rude to me.
02:50:34.000 I, uh...
02:50:36.000 I told you I was in a plane with him.
02:50:39.000 After?
02:50:39.000 No, before.
02:50:41.000 Wait, before.
02:50:41.000 He totally knows him.
02:50:42.000 That's why I started doing an impression of him.
02:50:44.000 Yeah, I went to Hawaii with him.
02:50:48.000 Did you- He pretended he didn't know me on your podcast.
02:50:51.000 You guys on a private plane?
02:50:53.000 Yeah, on his private plane.
02:50:54.000 On his plane.
02:50:55.000 Yeah.
02:50:56.000 I was dating Sarah Silverman at the time, and he was really inviting Sarah, so I get that I'm a barnacle and he doesn't want me there.
02:51:03.000 Was that when he was doing his New Year's show?
02:51:04.000 Yes, it was a New Year's show.
02:51:06.000 I ran into Moshe and Natasha at the resort in Maui.
02:51:12.000 I just happened to be there while they were there.
02:51:14.000 I'm like, what are you guys doing here?
02:51:16.000 And they're like, oh, we're working with Bill.
02:51:17.000 Isn't Moshe the most surprised hairy guy that you ever met?
02:51:21.000 Like, you're like, wow, I never thought he'd be that hairy of a guy.
02:51:23.000 I did not pay attention to that.
02:51:25.000 Yeah, we're in the plane, and he was a little rude to me, but I kind of get it, you know, he doesn't really want me there.
02:51:32.000 I'm just, he wanted Sarah there.
02:51:34.000 And you're the boyfriend.
02:51:35.000 Yeah, and then we get there, and we had a couple of dinners, and then we're on the beach, and, you know, I started to, you know, take note of his voice, and I started to impression on him.
02:51:47.000 Some impressions, Kyle does this thing that's incredible, where there's certain impressions that he just naturally absorbs them.
02:51:53.000 The Goldblum's amazing.
02:51:55.000 Well, this guy, Scott, you ever see Scott Rouse, the body language channel where he reads people's body language?
02:52:01.000 Scott Rouse!
02:52:02.000 Yeah, so we've had him on.
02:52:04.000 He's great.
02:52:05.000 By the way, this channel is great.
02:52:05.000 He's great, yeah, Scott Rouse.
02:52:07.000 He reads body language?
02:52:08.000 Yeah, he's like an expert.
02:52:09.000 Works for the government stuff.
02:52:11.000 So he can tell how you feel?
02:52:12.000 Yeah, they break down.
02:52:14.000 Agitated?
02:52:15.000 Right.
02:52:15.000 They break down criminal interviews when they interview murderers.
02:52:20.000 The guy just sits there like this.
02:52:23.000 He goes, first they get a base, this is what I've gathered, they get a baseline of the person talking.
02:52:27.000 You have to get them talking.
02:52:29.000 But just, you know, the way you shift eyes or whatever, voice changes, blink rate, there's a lot of different things.
02:52:37.000 But anyway, he's written books about it, he's an expert.
02:52:40.000 But I did him to him.
02:52:42.000 He laughs.
02:52:43.000 Like, I think you just...
02:52:44.000 Yeah, if someone does an impression, you have to pretend you like it.
02:52:46.000 It's not like...
02:52:47.000 I worked with him on impressions, but there's some where he just, like, picks them up and he just starts doing them.
02:52:52.000 And he just picked this guy up immediately.
02:52:55.000 We had him, like, twice on the after-party part of the show.
02:52:58.000 And then Kyle started just doing him.
02:52:59.000 Do you find that when you hear someone talk, like, there's certain voices where you know you can do it?
02:53:04.000 Yeah, there's some voices that I sort of pick up in my ear easier.
02:53:07.000 People talk in like four or five note ranges, and some of them are just out of my range.
02:53:12.000 But I used to do them when I was a kid to get attention from girls.
02:53:14.000 I did Michael Jackson when he was really popular, and this girl wrote, I love Michael Jackson on her shoe, and I kind of was like, we're dating, I think, because she would come to me to do Michael Jackson.
02:53:25.000 And then she scribbled it off one day and I was devastated.
02:53:27.000 It was over.
02:53:28.000 That was our breakup.
02:53:29.000 But then I got like, I don't know, I got a chip on my shoulder.
02:53:33.000 I was voted a class clown and I kind of saw that I was like a monkey for people in my school.
02:53:39.000 I remember I went to the cool kids table and they were like, do something funny, then you can sit down, do an impression.
02:53:44.000 And I got in my head like, I don't do impressions.
02:53:47.000 So I never did impressions in my stand-up.
02:53:49.000 I'm just starting to because of the YouTube stuff and everything.
02:53:53.000 In the app.
02:53:54.000 But I stopped doing impressions for like 20, like 30 years.
02:53:57.000 Really?
02:53:58.000 I did them when I was younger.
02:53:58.000 All the time I did my teachers and then I just got like a, not a conscious choice, but a little bit like, no, I don't do that.
02:54:06.000 But wait, add to that, his mother filled his room with clowns. 0.97
02:54:09.000 Yeah, there were a lot of clowns. 0.97
02:54:10.000 That was real. 0.93
02:54:11.000 That's real, yeah.
02:54:11.000 I had a clown phone that would just be like, ha ha, and laugh.
02:54:14.000 I'd pick it up. 0.69
02:54:15.000 Because your mom wanted you to be a comedian?
02:54:16.000 He lived like the Joker's lair from the 60s Batman as a child that his mother gave him.
02:54:22.000 That is what he's telling me.
02:54:22.000 Yeah, yeah.
02:54:23.000 She didn't know...
02:54:24.000 Like, I cried when I got class clown.
02:54:26.000 Like, I was upset about it. 0.90
02:54:27.000 And I hated clowns. 0.94
02:54:28.000 Really?
02:54:29.000 But I was very shy.
02:54:30.000 Pagliacci of you.
02:54:31.000 Yeah.
02:54:31.000 And I didn't want to tell...
02:54:32.000 I didn't want to hurt my mother's feelings and say, I don't like clowns.
02:54:34.000 Because I was just that kind of person.
02:54:36.000 I still struggle telling people what I really want.
02:54:39.000 And so she just...
02:54:40.000 I was trying to... 0.98
02:54:40.000 One of the clowns... 0.98
02:54:43.000 One of the clowns had a hat that said, I love girls on it.
02:54:46.000 And I think my family was like, does he like girls? 0.96
02:54:48.000 Let's just put this clown. 0.99
02:54:49.000 Oh, Jesus Christ. 1.00
02:54:50.000 They eventually found porn under my bed. 0.99
02:54:52.000 That's the gayest thing anyone's ever had on their bed. 1.00
02:54:54.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 0.76
02:54:55.000 But they found, like, girl clippings under my bed one day.
02:54:59.000 I remember we were working together at the store.
02:55:01.000 Girl clippings? 0.99
02:55:02.000 You know, I had, like, clipped out stuff from my, but very light, like, underwear ads.
02:55:07.000 I thought you meant, like, hair and toenails and stuff.
02:55:10.000 Oh, Jesus Christ.
02:55:11.000 You said girl clippings. 0.91
02:55:12.000 Clippings?
02:55:13.000 What does that mean?
02:55:14.000 No, you're right.
02:55:15.000 Toe nails. 1.00
02:55:16.000 No, you're right.
02:55:17.000 Mother found the clippings today.
02:55:19.000 I remember we were working at the store, and you were supposed to go on before me.
02:55:23.000 Oh, no.
02:55:24.000 But they said, he's got a band, and he's got screens, and it takes 20 minutes to set up.
02:55:30.000 I experimented.
02:55:30.000 And I go, what?
02:55:32.000 I go, well, how's he going to do that and go on before me if he's doing a 15-minute set?
02:55:36.000 And they were like, yeah, okay, we'll put him on after you.
02:55:39.000 But it takes, like, 20 minutes to set up.
02:55:41.000 I did that once.
02:55:42.000 I mean, I do a Largo theater.
02:55:45.000 It's very Largo.
02:55:47.000 But that was the first time I did it, which was a huge mistake.
02:55:49.000 I think it was the biggest bomb ever in the history of the Comedy Store, by the way.
02:55:52.000 I didn't see it.
02:55:52.000 I had to leave.
02:55:53.000 Good.
02:55:54.000 Because it didn't work.
02:55:56.000 I tripped over the wires.
02:55:58.000 I first put on Michael Jackson.
02:56:00.000 Now it's like...
02:56:03.000 First of all, it took 20 minutes after you left.
02:56:05.000 And they came to see you.
02:56:06.000 So you're done.
02:56:07.000 They want to go now.
02:56:09.000 And this band is setting up.
02:56:10.000 This is a bad idea.
02:56:11.000 But I remember them explaining it to me.
02:56:14.000 Huh?
02:56:14.000 They were explaining it to me.
02:56:16.000 Kyle needs 20 minutes.
02:56:17.000 He's going to go on before you.
02:56:18.000 But here's the thing.
02:56:19.000 I didn't.
02:56:20.000 But it took 20 minutes.
02:56:22.000 You said it.
02:56:23.000 They wouldn't let me put it on the stage beforehand, which I get.
02:56:25.000 There was a piano, and they were like, no, we don't want that on the stage.
02:56:29.000 Who does he think he is?
02:56:29.000 Bo Burnham or something?
02:56:31.000 Yeah, so now you have to set up after.
02:56:33.000 So that's why it took that long.
02:56:34.000 We had originally set it up on the stage, but it was too much.
02:56:38.000 They didn't explain.
02:56:38.000 They said it was going to take you 20 minutes to set everything up.
02:56:42.000 Yeah, no, it was a mistake.
02:56:44.000 It was something I regret.
02:56:46.000 But I was experimenting and I, you know...
02:56:48.000 What did you do?
02:56:49.000 I did face swap.
02:56:51.000 I'm geared up.
02:56:52.000 I jerry-rigged my phone onto this thing around my neck and I connected it to a projector.
02:56:57.000 And then I had written some songs and then I was trying to do it, but I was in front of the projector.
02:57:04.000 It unhooked.
02:57:05.000 It was like a...
02:57:07.000 That's a disaster.
02:57:08.000 I really regret it.
02:57:09.000 But to do that at a 15-minute set at the store seems so insane.
02:57:14.000 It's like, you know how they can transmute other matter into gold now, but it's just too much energy, so it's not worth it?
02:57:21.000 Can I do that?
02:57:23.000 Yeah, like you could, but it would be a ridiculous amount of power.
02:57:27.000 Yeah, you could do it, but it's not worth it on any...
02:57:29.000 They've had some breakthrough with that, by the way, recently.
02:57:31.000 Really?
02:57:32.000 Yes.
02:57:32.000 Anyway.
02:57:33.000 Very close.
02:57:33.000 That's what Kyle's AV presentation was.
02:57:35.000 Too much energy into it to not...
02:57:37.000 Yeah.
02:57:37.000 For not a lot of gold.
02:57:38.000 If they did that, they'd probably do the same things they did with diamonds.
02:57:40.000 They would just haul all the diamonds off until...
02:57:44.000 You know, apparently diamonds are not valuable anymore.
02:57:48.000 The De Beers family has all of them.
02:57:50.000 There's so many diamonds.
02:57:52.000 Really?
02:57:52.000 Yeah, as time went on...
02:57:54.000 We should double-check this, make sure this is true.
02:57:56.000 But as time went on, the innovation in mining...
02:58:01.000 And then the amount of diamonds they were able to discover far eclipsed the supplies that had been previously available.
02:58:08.000 So diamonds, which were like this incredibly rare, precious thing, are not that rare.
02:58:14.000 Listen, Henry Rollins told us this years ago.
02:58:17.000 Did he?
02:58:17.000 Yeah, that's what I heard from Henry Rollins.
02:58:20.000 Oh, did he?
02:58:20.000 I will be doing that again, though.
02:58:22.000 What I tried at the comedy store on my tour.
02:58:25.000 I'm going to try it.
02:58:25.000 Because I've got to get the face swaps on my tour.
02:58:27.000 I'm going to fix it.
02:58:28.000 And I do it at Largo every now and then.
02:58:30.000 I'm gonna be there.
02:58:31.000 October 1st, Largo.
02:58:33.000 Dude, I called him up.
02:58:34.000 Because we used to write together.
02:58:35.000 That's a song that got that award.
02:58:37.000 That was me and him a lot.
02:58:40.000 So I didn't know about his Instagram, but Annie showed it to me.
02:58:44.000 So I was like, dude, whatever deal you got, just don't do it.
02:58:47.000 That's when he was doing the Comedy Central pilot.
02:58:49.000 Right.
02:58:49.000 It's like a year later, the Bill Maher thing, like, I don't know, inspired him, and then that's when we started making stuff together.
02:58:56.000 Yeah.
02:58:57.000 I couldn't believe how funny that is, those face swaps. 0.99
02:59:01.000 They're, like, so shitty. 0.97
02:59:02.000 Well, the Caitlyn Jenner one, when you had the whole family, and they're like, yum yum, yum yum. 1.00
02:59:06.000 Oh, yeah, yeah.
02:59:06.000 The Kardashian family.
02:59:08.000 Yum yum yum.
02:59:12.000 They probably don't like that either.
02:59:13.000 But Chloe actually made a video doing one of my videos. 1.00
02:59:19.000 Really?
02:59:19.000 Good for her.
02:59:21.000 We're mad at you. 0.63
02:59:22.000 We're mad at you. 0.95
02:59:23.000 That's funny.
02:59:24.000 She probably thought it was hilarious. 0.95
02:59:26.000 Good for her.
02:59:26.000 That's when I first learned of the term vocal fry was from you.
02:59:30.000 Yeah.
02:59:30.000 Vocal fry is like this.
02:59:32.000 That's what vocal fry is? 0.97
02:59:33.000 Yeah.
02:59:34.000 Girls talk like this now. 1.00
02:59:35.000 Oh, it's called Vocal Friend?
02:59:36.000 Paris Hilton, I think, started it.
02:59:38.000 And by the way, it's feminist, so before you say something... 1.00
02:59:41.000 It's feminist? 1.00
02:59:42.000 Yeah, it's women talking low like men. 1.00
02:59:45.000 Oh.
02:59:45.000 Like the Theranos chick.
02:59:47.000 Oh, yeah.
02:59:48.000 Isn't it amazing?
02:59:49.000 It's hilarious.
02:59:50.000 Oh, my God.
02:59:50.000 I'm obsessed with her.
02:59:52.000 Well, you don't have to give it...
02:59:53.000 All she had to do was put on a turtleneck and talk in a low voice. 0.66
02:59:57.000 Or talk in a voice like this.
02:59:58.000 And everybody believed her.
02:59:59.000 It's like being mad at pickup artists.
03:00:01.000 You're like, well, if it works.
03:00:02.000 Like, she made this crazy voice.
03:00:04.000 It just works.
03:00:05.000 She was the, literally, at the time, I think people have eclipsed her, but she was the richest ever self-made woman billionaire. 1.00
03:00:13.000 Mm-hmm.
03:00:13.000 And it was all fake.
03:00:15.000 Yeah.
03:00:15.000 A full-on fraud.
03:00:16.000 Not only just fraudulent, but dangerously so.
03:00:19.000 Where people base their health choices on this examination that they would do with a drop of blood.
03:00:24.000 It didn't work at all.
03:00:24.000 Do you do her?
03:00:26.000 No.
03:00:26.000 You should try.
03:00:27.000 I'll try to get her.
03:00:28.000 But do you think she...
03:00:29.000 I bet you could do her.
03:00:31.000 Her voice is too low.
03:00:32.000 Do you think she thought she could catch up and make it work? 0.56
03:00:37.000 You know what I mean?
03:00:38.000 Edison would do that where you get investors and you can't quite do it yet.
03:00:42.000 And then she's like, ah, I didn't crack it.
03:00:45.000 Could be.
03:00:46.000 Could be she'd figured out, you know, like, there was, like, maybe some aspects of it that were legit.
03:00:50.000 Dude, they're all Fire Festival in the heart.
03:00:54.000 They're all like, no, that magic.
03:00:56.000 When they said that about, what's that, like, game that famously came out and sucked, and they're like, oh, Bioware's the company.
03:01:03.000 But, like, that Bioware magic.
03:01:05.000 Anthem.
03:01:05.000 That's what it is.
03:01:06.000 I don't know about that.
03:01:07.000 Yeah, it came out around the time of...
03:01:10.000 I think it's hard to compare that level of fraud to someone who literally made thousands of people's lives and put them in deep danger.
03:01:18.000 Probably responsible for people dying.
03:01:20.000 That's the level of crime, but it's the same kind of thing of like, yeah, magic.
03:01:23.000 It's all going to work out.
03:01:25.000 The anxiety of watching Fyre Fest, you're like, dude, just stop it.
03:01:28.000 Do you understand, by the way, the entire Afghanistan war was basically a Fyre Fest, but of the Pentagon.
03:01:35.000 If you break it down.
03:01:36.000 I would love to hear.
03:01:37.000 Yeah, there's some merit in there.
03:01:40.000 You're like, no, it's totally gonna be awesome.
03:01:41.000 Ja Rule's gonna be there.
03:01:43.000 Everyone gets a sandwich.
03:01:44.000 You know, her latest thing is like, her latest Hail Mary is like, the man was abusive, and that's why she did it.
03:01:54.000 That's a good one.
03:01:55.000 Sonny guy, Sonny Balwani, the guy that she did it with, he was abusive, and that's what's forced her to lie. 0.99
03:02:00.000 When you hear the people that were working there that uncovered it, and they're like, hey, this shit doesn't work. 0.99
03:02:05.000 A guy killed- somebody killed themselves because his life was fucked up from trying to expose what was going on. 0.99
03:02:11.000 Can we hear her? 0.99
03:02:13.000 What does she sound like? 1.00
03:02:14.000 Yeah, get Elizabeth- there was one- there was a speech that she gave at like some women's conference, and that's when I knew she was full of shit. 1.00
03:02:22.000 When I listened to her speech, I was like, this is not a smart person. 0.99
03:02:25.000 Like, this is not real.
03:02:27.000 But she said it in a low voice.
03:02:29.000 This was when she was huge.
03:02:31.000 This was when she was balling out of control.
03:02:33.000 And she was speaking.
03:02:34.000 She was like, I'm just so happy to be here and accept this for all the amazing women who are out there doing just amazing things.
03:02:44.000 And all you women are just incredible. 1.00
03:02:46.000 And I was like...
03:02:48.000 This is not how a genius speaks or thinks.
03:02:51.000 This is nonsense talk. 0.89
03:02:52.000 What she's saying was nonsense.
03:02:55.000 Sometimes people are awkward, but you can see the brilliance through their awkwardness.
03:03:00.000 There was none of that.
03:03:01.000 I was like, this is a dull mind. 0.94
03:03:03.000 This is not a smart person. 0.59
03:03:05.000 Unless I'm missing something, And then I started, like, digging into it.
03:03:09.000 And then, literally, like, months later, the exposure happened.
03:03:15.000 She had a few sentences she kept repeating, like, you don't have to say goodbye too soon.
03:03:19.000 She had some script she would repeat in every interview.
03:03:23.000 See, they can find her speech.
03:03:25.000 She gave some speech at this woman's conference thing.
03:03:29.000 And I remember listening to her, because they were talking...
03:03:35.000 Well, she definitely faked her deep voice, but like Google her speech at women's conference thing, some women in business speech. 1.00
03:03:46.000 No, it's like women's something. 1.00
03:03:48.000 It really is amazing if that works.
03:03:51.000 If you talk low.
03:03:54.000 Inspirational speech.
03:03:55.000 Oh, let's hear this.
03:03:56.000 Maybe this.
03:03:57.000 Give me some.
03:03:58.000 The leading cause of the suffering associated with saying goodbye...
03:04:03.000 Too soon.
03:04:04.000 Too soon.
03:04:05.000 Yeah, that's the one.
03:04:06.000 Keep saying that.
03:04:07.000 Give me some!
03:04:08.000 The right to protect the health and well-being of every person and of those we love.
03:04:16.000 Love.
03:04:17.000 It is a basic human right.
03:04:19.000 What?
03:04:20.000 It's a right defined in the universal declaration on human rights and our work and my life's work is in being able to engage people in that right.
03:04:36.000 We believe that the challenges of health care can be solved by the individual and if we can begin To engage the individual, we can begin to change outcomes.
03:04:51.000 She should have run for president. 1.00
03:04:54.000 The thing is, you can be a full-on bullshitter and become a super successful politician.
03:04:59.000 She just got in the wrong line of work.
03:05:02.000 That speech sounded like she should have went, Sandeem is high school football.
03:05:10.000 She was doing a speech in front of her class and she did no prep and so she just decided to bolster her way through it.
03:05:15.000 She's a substitute teacher. 1.00
03:05:16.000 Like a book report.
03:05:17.000 The most amazing thing about this book is the way it's written.
03:05:19.000 Things are bigger and yet smaller.
03:05:21.000 It's so hard to say goodbye.
03:05:23.000 Too soon.
03:05:25.000 Too soon.
03:05:26.000 What was that?
03:05:28.000 Oh, well, dude, her real voice apparently was nothing like that.
03:05:32.000 I can't do it because she's making her voice low and her voice is too high. 0.99
03:05:36.000 I think there's a way that you can do it.
03:05:39.000 It would just be too low.
03:05:40.000 Well, maybe I can do it for you.
03:05:42.000 If you do it, that'd be cool.
03:05:44.000 I'll do the voice swap.
03:05:45.000 Okay.
03:05:46.000 But the thing is, once you know that it was all fraud and you listen to that speech, it takes on a whole different feel.
03:05:52.000 I know. 0.99
03:05:53.000 All horseshit. 0.99
03:05:54.000 Yeah, it's obvious what you know. 0.99
03:05:56.000 How would anyone not notice that that's a fake voice?
03:05:59.000 I know.
03:06:00.000 If I heard that, I'm like, is that your voice?
03:06:02.000 One of the ways she got ratted out was the people she went to college with.
03:06:05.000 Yeah.
03:06:05.000 Oh, is that right?
03:06:06.000 They're like, hey, hey, hey, that bitch doesn't talk like that. 1.00
03:06:07.000 Like, what the fuck is going on? 1.00
03:06:08.000 Yeah. 1.00
03:06:09.000 Yes, I do.
03:06:10.000 That level of, I guess it's sociopath, where you think you can get away with something.
03:06:15.000 Like, I don't think I can get away with anything.
03:06:17.000 But imagine how far she got and when she was, like, literally worth billions of dollars.
03:06:24.000 Billions. 0.99
03:06:25.000 At that point, she was probably like, well, this is a fucking, this is a layup. 0.99
03:06:30.000 I did it. 0.99
03:06:30.000 Wouldn't you be panicked? 0.99
03:06:32.000 How much shit, by the way, is that? 0.99
03:06:34.000 That somebody just keeps getting donor money All these things that's a mystery, like nobody likes this. 0.99
03:06:39.000 Why is it being made?
03:06:40.000 And it's some kind of venture capital.
03:06:42.000 Big people donate money.
03:06:44.000 Yeah.
03:06:45.000 Well, she'd do a thing where she had the little Edison machine and she'd prick your finger and then they'd send the real blood somewhere else and take them for a tour and then come back. 1.00
03:06:54.000 Listen, you should have taken the UBI when you had a chance.
03:06:57.000 Ah!
03:06:57.000 And now you get nothing.
03:06:59.000 Didn't Betsy DeVos give her $100 million? 0.99
03:07:03.000 I should hope so.
03:07:04.000 I think it was $100 million.
03:07:06.000 Jesus.
03:07:07.000 See if that's accurate.
03:07:08.000 I don't want to get sued.
03:07:09.000 Like I'm going to sue CNN. I think it's around $100 million.
03:07:14.000 Like, yeah.
03:07:17.000 That's incredible.
03:07:18.000 I mean, incredible how fake that is.
03:07:21.000 That's like one quarter of a painting she gave away.
03:07:24.000 Ah!
03:07:26.000 I mean, I have always felt, especially like writing for things, like, you know, you serve at the pleasure of like a minor noble.
03:07:33.000 You know, like old-time, you know, like old-time, you have like a benefactor that's like, oh, the duke of something supports my...
03:07:40.000 That's how all these jobs have felt the whole time I've done that.
03:07:42.000 Writing for things?
03:07:43.000 Yeah.
03:07:43.000 Like writing for a sitcom or something?
03:07:45.000 Just somebody famous.
03:07:46.000 You'd be like, oh, I'm serving the duke of something, right?
03:07:49.000 You know, like, depending on the level of famousness.
03:07:51.000 Oh, I see what you're saying.
03:07:53.000 It feels like that exact same, like there's like patrons.
03:07:55.000 So all these things now are like competing like rich patrons and it governs everything.
03:08:02.000 That's what I was talking about with Young Turks before.
03:08:04.000 Yeah, but this is an investment thing.
03:08:06.000 Like this is someone who came with a product.
03:08:08.000 Or a tax write-off probably.
03:08:10.000 I don't know.
03:08:11.000 It's like a completely innovative Rupert Murdoch who sunk a $125 million. 0.99
03:08:17.000 She fucking got some big people. 1.00
03:08:20.000 Yeah, that's amazing. 0.99
03:08:20.000 $125 million into Theranos. 0.99
03:08:22.000 The company's largest individual investor, though his name did not appear in the documents.
03:08:25.000 He sold back his shares for $1 in early 2017. Holy fuck. 0.99
03:08:31.000 He wanted that dollar back? 1.00
03:08:32.000 Wow.
03:08:34.000 The Cox family, members of the South African Oppenheimer family, Walmart founder Sam Walton invested $150 million. 1.00
03:08:43.000 Holy fuck! 1.00
03:08:45.000 I bet Rupert Murdoch's face was extra droopy that day. 1.00
03:08:48.000 I can't believe she got me!
03:08:51.000 It looked even meltier than usual when he found out.
03:08:55.000 They all thought, like, the story was so great, right?
03:08:58.000 You get this lady, she dresses like, I mean, she even, like, ripped off Steve Jobs' attire. 1.00
03:09:02.000 Yeah.
03:09:03.000 And the whole presentation and pulling something out of her pocket.
03:09:06.000 There's a thing that I have to do.
03:09:10.000 That thing, was it called a nanoteater or something?
03:09:12.000 I don't know.
03:09:13.000 What was it called?
03:09:13.000 The nanoteater will allow us to save lives at Walgreens across America.
03:09:18.000 It'll allow us to change the way medicine interfaces with souls.
03:09:24.000 See, that sounds Clinton-y, how you're doing it.
03:09:26.000 We're all doing it terrible, but that's all right.
03:09:28.000 I can work on it.
03:09:29.000 I feel it.
03:09:30.000 Give me another.
03:09:30.000 You know what it is?
03:09:32.000 It's Remy and Michelle.
03:09:33.000 You can get her.
03:09:34.000 It's that accent from Rio, me and Michelle's high school wedding.
03:09:36.000 It's like Coke.
03:09:37.000 It is sort of like a Baltimore voice.
03:09:38.000 I still have a little bit of Rona voice.
03:09:39.000 Which also is Jeff Bezos.
03:09:42.000 Oh yeah, Jeff Bezos.
03:09:44.000 I don't know what his voice sounds like.
03:09:46.000 I never knew until he broke the space barrier.
03:09:51.000 He didn't break the space barrier.
03:09:52.000 Because I called him with it because I'm watching it.
03:09:54.000 He's so excited because he went to space.
03:09:55.000 So he's like, you know, he sounds like a surfer.
03:09:58.000 Yeah, it looks like this, actually.
03:09:59.000 It was amazing. 0.98
03:10:01.000 I fucking ruled, bro. 0.99
03:10:02.000 Space barrier. 1.00
03:10:04.000 Okay, give me some.
03:10:04.000 Give me some.
03:10:05.000 Cause of the suffering.
03:10:06.000 Cause of the suffering.
03:10:07.000 Associated with saying goodbye.
03:10:08.000 Associated.
03:10:11.000 Is she singing?
03:10:12.000 That sounds like Belle Viv DeVoe or something. 1.00
03:10:14.000 Yeah, she's so full of shit. 1.00
03:10:16.000 The health and well-being of every person and of those we love. 1.00
03:10:21.000 She's laughing.
03:10:22.000 Honestly, I can't do it.
03:10:23.000 I know.
03:10:23.000 It's outside my range.
03:10:25.000 I could try, but it would be fake.
03:10:27.000 Look, she's trying to do Buffalo Bill. 1.00
03:10:29.000 It's holiday.
03:10:30.000 It puts the lotion in the basket.
03:10:32.000 She's doing Dan Zeller's voice.
03:10:34.000 Is she a great big fat person? 1.00
03:10:37.000 We need to have tests for great big fat people. 1.00
03:10:40.000 Great big vial of blood.
03:10:41.000 Yeah, I can't do it because you have to have a girl's voice to go low at that high. 1.00
03:10:46.000 Well, maybe you can get a girl that can do it. 1.00
03:10:48.000 We need a girl, actually. 1.00
03:10:50.000 This is a sausage vessel.
03:10:52.000 Dude, this Star Trek thing, the cast is all white because if Kyle played anyone else... 0.70
03:10:58.000 That's true. 1.00
03:10:59.000 Ryan, you can't play a whore. 0.99
03:11:00.000 It's not Gene Roddenberry's dream. 1.00
03:11:03.000 Caitlyn Jenner is a whore. 1.00
03:11:06.000 But yeah, everyone's white. 1.00
03:11:08.000 Dude, we went through to have the president of China in the Fresh Pres.
03:11:14.000 Oh, yes.
03:11:15.000 That was a lot of discussion.
03:11:15.000 We recorded it three times.
03:11:18.000 Because how do I do a Chinese, I can't do a Chinese guy? 1.00
03:11:20.000 He did the Raiders of the Lost Ark bad guy.
03:11:22.000 You know, the one that burned his hand.
03:11:24.000 Yeah, yeah.
03:11:24.000 Like, what have we here?
03:11:25.000 Yeah, what have we here?
03:11:26.000 Dr. Johns.
03:11:27.000 I did that.
03:11:27.000 No, it's too Chinese.
03:11:29.000 And we're like, oh, it's racist.
03:11:30.000 And then we had a Chinese comic that, you know Feng Chao?
03:11:33.000 You know Feng Chao, right?
03:11:34.000 We had him do it.
03:11:35.000 And that sounds more racist than...
03:11:37.000 Oh, no!
03:11:38.000 Have you ever done Kim Jong-un?
03:11:42.000 No.
03:11:43.000 Yeah, you have one with Kim Jong-un.
03:11:44.000 Oh, I did?
03:11:45.000 You're right.
03:11:46.000 What did I do?
03:11:47.000 Because I think I get in trouble.
03:11:48.000 You just had big glasses.
03:11:50.000 Well, you better scrub that.
03:11:51.000 Mr. President.
03:11:52.000 Yeah, better scrub that one.
03:11:53.000 Delete that.
03:11:54.000 Yo, even if it's a dictator, you better not.
03:11:57.000 Yeah.
03:11:58.000 I should have a delete list.
03:12:00.000 Just now.
03:12:01.000 It's like, it changes every year.
03:12:02.000 I know.
03:12:03.000 There we go.
03:12:04.000 Give me some volume.
03:12:05.000 Give me some volume.
03:12:07.000 It's you.
03:12:07.000 Weird app on that.
03:12:08.000 But it's your face.
03:12:10.000 It's us.
03:12:10.000 Just kidding.
03:12:11.000 It's a double kidding.
03:12:12.000 Believe me.
03:12:14.000 What double kidding.
03:12:15.000 Oh, yeah, that's racist.
03:12:16.000 Just get ready. 0.92
03:12:17.000 But that looks like you.
03:12:19.000 That's a weird app.
03:12:21.000 I don't know where I found that, but it is mixing my face.
03:12:23.000 Why didn't you use his face?
03:12:24.000 It's a mixture.
03:12:25.000 It is an app.
03:12:26.000 But the Trump one is just all Trump's face.
03:12:29.000 Yeah, two separate apps.
03:12:30.000 I couldn't...
03:12:31.000 Me, it's weird, but I have like three different apps that I use.
03:12:35.000 You look like one of the hotter brothers of Kim Jong-un in that one.
03:12:40.000 Thanks, dude. 0.93
03:12:40.000 That he would have killed. 0.93
03:12:42.000 Well, he's hot now.
03:12:43.000 He's lost a lot of weight.
03:12:44.000 Has he?
03:12:44.000 Yes.
03:12:45.000 Oh, good for him.
03:12:46.000 There was like, CBS was making a big deal out of one of those networks.
03:12:49.000 Dude, that would be great if he became the new.
03:12:51.000 Slim and energetic he looks.
03:12:53.000 Yeah, like him holding, he comes out holding his old belt.
03:12:56.000 Yeah, old pants.
03:12:57.000 Look at him.
03:12:58.000 Oh, okay.
03:12:59.000 Hey, it's me.
03:13:00.000 No, let's see what he looks like now.
03:13:01.000 Thinamore and Janet Kim.
03:13:02.000 Yeah, so it is.
03:13:03.000 Whoa.
03:13:04.000 It's CBS. And people are like, hey, CBS, what the fuck are you doing? 1.00
03:13:07.000 Dude, he should hold, hey, remember me, Kim from North Korea? 0.99
03:13:10.000 Look at him now.
03:13:11.000 I mean, he looks like this.
03:13:12.000 Probably Trump sent him some of his speed.
03:13:14.000 Hey.
03:13:15.000 Is that what that was with speed?
03:13:17.000 Because he's like a teetotaler, isn't he?
03:13:18.000 I love that we were all scared of Trump.
03:13:20.000 North Korea's nuclear bombs.
03:13:21.000 They just did some cruise missile thing.
03:13:23.000 No one cares.
03:13:23.000 You ever talk to Michael Malice about North Korea stuff?
03:13:26.000 Oh, yeah.
03:13:26.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
03:13:27.000 I love Michael.
03:13:28.000 Yeah, guy rules. 0.97
03:13:30.000 Dear Reader, that book is fucking incredible. 0.92
03:13:32.000 Well, he says a lot of stuff about it because he's right about people making it kind of a joke and take it like... 0.96
03:13:39.000 Who's the...
03:13:40.000 I forget her name, but she's a defector from North Korea.
03:13:43.000 Yon Me Park.
03:13:44.000 I had her on.
03:13:46.000 So, I saw somebody write that like, oh, she's saying stuff that's not true because other defectors say, like, contradict what she says.
03:13:54.000 And he knew, which I wouldn't even thought of, is a bunch of these people, it's like people that defect from Scientology but don't talk about it, you know, because they'll come and get you.
03:14:03.000 Chances are they could hurt someone back home or something.
03:14:06.000 So they go, no, no, what she's saying is not true.
03:14:08.000 Oh, I see.
03:14:10.000 She's here.
03:14:10.000 She's in America, right?
03:14:12.000 Yes.
03:14:12.000 Yeah, so they're not all in America.
03:14:14.000 Some of them are in South Korea, and they'll come get you. 1.00
03:14:15.000 So you've got to watch what you say.
03:14:17.000 So the other defectors have to say that that's not true.
03:14:20.000 Yeah, you might defect it and still be under the thumb of, you know...
03:14:23.000 Oh, yeah, and terrified.
03:14:25.000 I didn't even think of that, but he just knows a lot about the topic.
03:14:28.000 That makes sense.
03:14:29.000 Malice is brilliant.
03:14:30.000 He's a brilliant guy. 0.98
03:14:31.000 And he's such a little fucking contrarian. 0.97
03:14:35.000 He's the best. 0.99
03:14:36.000 He's so funny at poking holes in people's theories. 1.00
03:14:41.000 And says ridiculous shit. 1.00
03:14:43.000 There should be no police. 1.00
03:14:44.000 Like, what?
03:14:45.000 Ben Shapiro's like a funny comedian now, because he's like, you know...
03:14:49.000 I resent that about Ben Shapiro.
03:14:50.000 Watching him is so funny now.
03:14:51.000 I watch him for comedy.
03:14:53.000 Him talking about the TikTok culture is really funny. 0.99
03:14:56.000 Here's the funniest thing of coming up with Ben Shapiro shit is, it's like... 0.99
03:15:00.000 He has things where I'm like, shut up, Benjamin. 0.99
03:15:01.000 But when he's right, he's right. 0.90
03:15:03.000 And he's so twerpy of a guy.
03:15:06.000 The impression is so funny.
03:15:08.000 He's like, I'm right.
03:15:09.000 You know, I'm right.
03:15:10.000 He has such a twerpy energy.
03:15:13.000 Facts don't care about your feelings.
03:15:14.000 Yeah.
03:15:14.000 It's fine.
03:15:15.000 It's fine. 0.94
03:15:16.000 That's a pretty goddamn good impression. 0.69
03:15:18.000 When's he been here last? 0.89
03:15:19.000 Recently?
03:15:20.000 Well, he was supposed to be here the week I got the Rona.
03:15:23.000 Oh, really?
03:15:24.000 Yeah, I got to reschedule him.
03:15:25.000 Yeah.
03:15:26.000 You flew us in, like, first class.
03:15:28.000 People should know.
03:15:29.000 Thank you.
03:15:30.000 My pleasure.
03:15:30.000 Our flight attendant was the oldest man I've ever seen in my life.
03:15:34.000 It looked like from the Adams family he was like a lurch kind of guy.
03:15:38.000 Like 90 years old.
03:15:39.000 It was tragic that he worked there.
03:15:41.000 Yeah.
03:15:41.000 Because he wanted to work.
03:15:42.000 Well, he gets in a thing.
03:15:44.000 He looked like he was in incredible pain.
03:15:46.000 Maybe he's trying to get away from his wife.
03:15:47.000 He looked lost.
03:15:47.000 He goes, I'm your stewardess.
03:15:49.000 He called himself a stewardess.
03:15:50.000 Yeah, so he's called himself a stewardess out of the window.
03:15:54.000 And then I was having trouble with my Wi-Fi, and I was like, I should not ask this guy, but I was curious.
03:15:59.000 Dude, he was shaped like in the Monty Python meaning of life, when they have the weird...
03:16:06.000 Did you ever see that movie?
03:16:10.000 Forever ago, like in the 80s.
03:16:12.000 Yeah, when they have the fish intermission, it doesn't make sense, and it's like a bent-over guy with one long arm, that's what the guy looks like.
03:16:18.000 Oh, so he's hunched over?
03:16:19.000 When I asked about the Wi-Fi, he goes, does anybody know how the Wi-Fi...
03:16:22.000 He yells it to the first-class crew, and that guy was like, click this, and I clicked it, and I go, it still doesn't work, and he goes, good, thank you.
03:16:28.000 He looked like the guy from Phantasm, but not as spry.
03:16:32.000 Anyway, thank you for taking care of us.
03:16:34.000 You're welcome.
03:16:34.000 And you got a nice hotel.
03:16:35.000 We got a car.
03:16:36.000 Kurt and I, we aren't used to being treated well.
03:16:38.000 Listen, I love you guys.
03:16:40.000 We just did three and a half hours.
03:16:41.000 Oh my God.
03:16:42.000 Yeah, it's 4.30.
03:16:43.000 My God, thank you. 0.89
03:16:44.000 Crazy.
03:16:45.000 My pleasure.
03:16:46.000 Thank you.
03:16:47.000 It's a good thing you had some water next to it.
03:16:48.000 Thank God.
03:16:49.000 Yeah.
03:16:51.000 Tell everybody how to get a hold of your show.
03:16:53.000 KyleDunniganComedy.com.
03:16:54.000 I got a tour coming up.
03:16:55.000 Also, KyleDunniganShow at Gmail.
03:16:58.000 If you're an advertiser, we're looking...
03:17:00.000 And by the way, we're going to shut the door in like 24 hours.
03:17:02.000 Wow.
03:17:03.000 Just to put on...
03:17:03.000 Whoa.
03:17:04.000 Sound cool.
03:17:04.000 Put a little pressure on them?
03:17:05.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
03:17:05.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
03:17:06.000 So you have 24 hours to contact you to be an investor.
03:17:09.000 That's it.
03:17:09.000 Taking all our advertisers for the year.
03:17:11.000 Listen, and we welcome if you're like a spray for your penis or something or... 0.99
03:17:14.000 Anything. 1.00
03:17:15.000 Yes.
03:17:16.000 Yes.
03:17:16.000 Yeah, we'll advertise.
03:17:17.000 Hair, drugs, anything. 0.97
03:17:18.000 We sold a lot of blowjob machines. 0.96
03:17:20.000 Nuclear waves. 0.96
03:17:20.000 Blowjob machines? 0.96
03:17:21.000 We actually did sell a lot of blowjob machines. 0.62
03:17:23.000 For real? 0.93
03:17:24.000 For real, yeah.
03:17:24.000 What is it?
03:17:25.000 It's called Autoblow, and the guy doesn't have a lot of money.
03:17:29.000 Does it work?
03:17:30.000 Look, I don't know.
03:17:31.000 Yes.
03:17:32.000 My deck wouldn't fit, so I don't know.
03:17:34.000 That's that big?
03:17:35.000 That's fantastic.
03:17:35.000 Got giant logs?
03:17:36.000 I don't think they sent us big enough sleeves.
03:17:38.000 But we make big commercials.
03:17:40.000 We don't just do a read.
03:17:41.000 We do a sketch, because we want to retain.
03:17:45.000 Yeah.
03:17:46.000 Nice.
03:17:46.000 Anyway.
03:17:47.000 Nice.
03:17:47.000 That's where I'll be.
03:17:48.000 When you believe in a product, it's easier.
03:17:53.000 And then the YouTube channel?
03:17:55.000 YouTube slash Kyle Dunnigan.
03:17:57.000 That's where I like people going, because that's where we can actually make some money.
03:18:00.000 That's what I was trying to get you to tell people.
03:18:01.000 Thank you.
03:18:02.000 Yes, youtube.com slash Kyle Dunnigan. 0.98
03:18:05.000 Enjoy unlimited blowjobs from our advanced blowjob machines. 0.99
03:18:08.000 This is real? 0.99
03:18:09.000 Oh my god, they're going to love the year of talking about them.
03:18:11.000 That's what everyone says.
03:18:12.000 That should be the slogan.
03:18:13.000 You'll say, is this real?
03:18:15.000 The way that thing is moving, I'm confused.
03:18:18.000 Oh, okay, you're seeing the guts.
03:18:20.000 The inside of it. 1.00
03:18:21.000 And then you put your dick in the top hole. 1.00
03:18:23.000 It's as mind-blowing as old people see an Elvis the first time on TV. We do it on Pussy. 1.00
03:18:29.000 Look at his hips! 1.00
03:18:30.000 Look at his hips! 0.95
03:18:31.000 Look at that gyration. 1.00
03:18:32.000 It's not right.
03:18:33.000 And Metzger, tell everybody how to get ahold of you.
03:18:36.000 Oh, uh, Kurt Metzger comedy.
03:18:38.000 And Instagram, Twitter.
03:18:41.000 He's so hot.
03:18:42.000 He smoked an entire joint.
03:18:43.000 I should tell everybody.
03:18:44.000 He smoked one of those Speedweed joints. 0.60
03:18:46.000 Is that Speedweed?
03:18:48.000 Oh, yeah, yeah.
03:18:48.000 That's like hundreds of milligrams of THC. Really?
03:18:52.000 Oh, my God.
03:18:53.000 And before the show, he had one.
03:18:54.000 Oh, well there you go.
03:18:55.000 I was probably less normal before it took.
03:18:57.000 You have an amazing tolerance though.
03:18:59.000 It's incredible because he went through the entire joint.
03:19:02.000 Yeah.
03:19:02.000 Wow.
03:19:03.000 Yeah.
03:19:04.000 Never passed it around to us.
03:19:05.000 No, he didn't.
03:19:06.000 He didn't even think about it.
03:19:07.000 What about COVID? We're all tested.
03:19:09.000 We're good.
03:19:09.000 I've had it.
03:19:10.000 That blows my alibi out of the water.
03:19:12.000 When Kurt comes over, we get him like food and stuff.
03:19:13.000 And then one time he came over with a bag and I go, hey, can I have some of that as a joke?
03:19:17.000 He goes, no, it's mine.
03:19:19.000 Didn't even share it.
03:19:20.000 I don't even remember that.
03:19:22.000 Your eye.
03:19:23.000 Your eye.
03:19:24.000 He probably had the munchies. 0.97
03:19:27.000 Instagram?
03:19:28.000 Yeah, Kurt Metzger Comedy on Instagram.
03:19:31.000 And my podcast, Can't Get Right, on Gas Digital.
03:19:34.000 Can't Get Right?
03:19:35.000 Yeah.
03:19:35.000 Can't Get Right.
03:19:36.000 And is that, like, do you have to subscribe to Gas Digital?
03:19:38.000 I just had Malice on the last episode.
03:19:40.000 Yeah, but it comes out on, uh, it's on YouTube.
03:19:42.000 You can watch it.
03:19:43.000 Okay.
03:19:43.000 And we do a weekly podcast on the YouTube channel, too.
03:19:46.000 Oh, what is that?
03:19:46.000 We crank out a lot.
03:19:47.000 We call it the After Party.
03:19:48.000 So we do a live show, which is now Kyle Dunningan's show.
03:19:51.000 Now, the live sketch show, we have to film little clips so I could change in a different outfit, but you can't tell that it's pre-taped some of it.
03:20:01.000 So you do it live in front of a live audience?
03:20:03.000 You pre-record some of it and then do a transition, and then if he's going to be Biden, he's got to spray just the top of his head and put the hat on.
03:20:10.000 A live sketch show.
03:20:11.000 I don't think anyone else is doing it.
03:20:12.000 It's a live sketch show on YouTube.
03:20:14.000 Nice.
03:20:15.000 So it's streaming live.
03:20:17.000 It streams live, yeah.
03:20:18.000 Yeah, Ryan Filippi did it, the last one.
03:20:20.000 Really?
03:20:21.000 Nice.
03:20:21.000 He played the Biden game show.
03:20:23.000 Listen, what I said at the beginning, I stand by.
03:20:25.000 I genuinely think you guys have, like, legitimately one of the funniest shows of all time.
03:20:30.000 Thank you.
03:20:31.000 Thank you so much.
03:20:31.000 Thank you.
03:20:32.000 You've been the best support.
03:20:33.000 Hilarious.
03:20:33.000 Thank you.
03:20:34.000 Keep doing it, please.
03:20:35.000 Love you, brother.
03:20:36.000 Thank you.
03:20:36.000 Love you, too.
03:20:37.000 Thank you.
03:20:37.000 Love you, too.
03:20:38.000 Bye.
03:20:38.000 Bye.
03:20:39.000 Bye, everybody.