The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #1715 - Jessica Kirson

00:00:11.000 Why the fuck would anybody interrupt your show to do that? 1.00

00:00:15.000 Because they're crazy. 1.00

00:00:17.000 That is such a dumb thing to do. 1.00

00:00:19.000 I know. 0.99

00:00:19.000 Interrupt a performance. 0.99

00:00:21.000 Yeah.

00:00:21.000 To move a bottle off a stool.

00:00:23.000 Yeah.

00:00:23.000 Like as if someone's at home going, well, I was enjoying a performance.

00:00:26.000 She was very funny.

00:00:27.000 Yeah.

00:00:28.000 But that bottle.

00:00:28.000 Right.

00:00:29.000 I mean, there would have been millions of people who would have been upset about the bottle.

00:00:33.000 So it makes sense.

00:00:34.000 Was it a product placement thing?

00:00:35.000 Was there a label on the bottle that was a problem?

00:00:37.000 No, it just was bothering someone that there was a bottle in the way.

00:00:40.000 Oh my God.

00:00:42.000 This is why it's a problem when you have executives and too many cooks in the kitchen. 1.00

00:00:47.000 I agree completely.

00:00:50.000 I was so pissed. 1.00

00:00:52.000 I literally went to the microphone and said, I'm gonna fucking kill myself. 1.00

00:00:56.000 That was what I said. 0.99

00:00:57.000 They should have left the whole thing in.

00:00:59.000 Like, the person coming on the stage, taking off the bottle, and showing, like, what other art form would be disrespected like that?

00:01:06.000 Could you imagine Eric Clapton in the middle of a solo performance, and someone comes out and moves a bottle? 0.99

00:01:13.000 What the fuck are you doing up here? 0.98

00:01:16.000 Why are you here? 1.00

00:01:17.000 Because we're just animals. 0.99

00:01:19.000 We're clowns. 0.94

00:01:19.000 They just literally... 0.94

00:01:21.000 And it scared the shit out of me, by the way, because I'm so traumatized and I'm physically a traumatized person.

00:01:26.000 So when my manager tapped my back, I'm in the middle of performing. 0.99

00:01:30.000 In front of a fucking crowd. 1.00

00:01:31.000 I mean, think about it. 1.00

00:01:32.000 You're on stage and you feel someone's hand on you. 0.99

00:01:34.000 I was like, am I going to be raped? 0.97

00:01:36.000 What is happening? 0.97

00:01:38.000 What is happening?

00:01:39.000 The fact that they chose to do it in the middle of your performance.

00:01:43.000 Five minutes in.

00:01:44.000 And I was killing.

00:01:45.000 That's so crazy. 0.96

00:01:47.000 Killing.

00:01:48.000 That's so crazy. 0.99

00:01:49.000 And tap you on the shoulder.

00:01:50.000 Right.

00:01:51.000 Not even yell out to you.

00:01:52.000 Jessie, we're going to start.

00:01:53.000 No.

00:01:53.000 We're going to stop.

00:01:54.000 I felt a hand on me.

00:01:55.000 Oh my God.

00:01:56.000 What if you died? 1.00

00:01:56.000 And I go, what the fuck? 1.00

00:01:57.000 What if you had a fucking heart attack and dropped her right there? 1.00

00:01:59.000 My kids would have been set for life. 1.00

00:02:02.000 Actually, that would have been a great thing if that happened.

00:02:05.000 Maybe.

00:02:05.000 Comedy Central probably has some good lawyers.

00:02:08.000 Isn't that Viacom?

00:02:09.000 It would have been a great story.

00:02:10.000 Think about it.

00:02:11.000 I mean, I was right about to, you know, things were going great at that point in my career. 1.00

00:02:16.000 Motherfuckers. 1.00

00:02:16.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:02:17.000 God.

00:02:18.000 Ugh.

00:02:20.000 Yeah, I know. 0.99

00:02:22.000 And I literally was just like, I'm gonna fucking kill myself. 0.99

00:02:25.000 This business is horrific. 0.99

00:02:28.000 I was doing a special once and I always do my specials with the same director.

00:02:32.000 He's a very good friend of mine.

00:02:33.000 I've known him forever.

00:02:34.000 And we do all the specials together.

00:02:36.000 But one special he could not do because he had a previous engagement.

00:02:39.000 There's no way he could cancel it.

00:02:40.000 So we brought in someone else.

00:02:41.000 And we told the guy exactly how we wanted to do it.

00:02:44.000 Like, keep it like a comedy club, make it very dark in there.

00:02:47.000 And then, you know, he was like, what about crowd shots?

00:02:51.000 I'm like, we're not going to use them.

00:02:52.000 Don't worry about it.

00:02:53.000 I don't like seeing people's faces.

00:02:55.000 They're like, what about for editing?

00:02:56.000 I'm like, we're not going to do that.

00:02:57.000 Don't worry about it. 1.00

00:02:58.000 In the middle of my performance, this motherfucker turns the lights up. 1.00

00:03:03.000 He's turning the lights up more and more. 1.00

00:03:05.000 And my manager has to go back and yell at him. 1.00

00:03:08.000 What the fuck are you doing? 0.99

00:03:09.000 He's like, we gotta see the crowd. 1.00

00:03:11.000 Like, he fucking told you to keep... 1.00

00:03:13.000 And then after all this shit is over, after all it's over, we're done. 1.00

00:03:16.000 I'm like, okay, fine. 1.00

00:03:17.000 We're fine.

00:03:18.000 He's like, I think we should do this in black and white. 0.99

00:03:20.000 I'm like, get the fuck away from me! 1.00

00:03:23.000 The fuck away from me! 1.00

00:03:25.000 Subtitles with Chinese. 1.00

00:03:27.000 He's got a trucker hat on.

00:03:27.000 He's like, really think we should make this in black and white?

00:03:29.000 Yeah, he's clever.

00:03:30.000 Yeah.

00:03:33.000 Then they're like, can you do the material over?

00:03:35.000 I'm like, are you out of your mind?

00:03:37.000 Oh my god.

00:03:38.000 No!

00:03:39.000 Oh my god, can you do the material over?

00:03:41.000 No! 0.98

00:03:41.000 Hey clown, do you know that juggling thing you did? 0.98

00:03:44.000 Juggle again. 0.99

00:03:46.000 Juggle again, clown. 0.94

00:03:48.000 Actually, Burr did one of his best specials in black and white. 0.98

00:03:50.000 I'm not shitting on black and white specials, but that this guy's artistic jizz that he wanted to throw into the soup was to turn my special black and white. 0.99

00:03:59.000 This is his goofy fucking idea. 0.99

00:04:02.000 Let's make it like a Western kind of thing. 0.99

00:04:05.000 Hey, maybe you should wear chaps.

00:04:06.000 I bet he talked like that.

00:04:07.000 No, he's like a regular guy.

00:04:09.000 It's just, you know what?

00:04:10.000 Everyone's always trying to, first of all, if you're not a comic and you don't have a long history of studying and appreciating stand-up comedy specials, You're just filming something, right?

00:04:21.000 You might be filming a sketch, you might be filming a television show, you're just filming something.

00:04:25.000 And it happens to be someone doing stand-up, if you're not really into stand-up.

00:04:28.000 Or if you don't really study stand-up comedy specials.

00:04:32.000 But if you do, you recognize that what you're trying to emulate for the people at home is a version of what it would be like to be in that audience.

00:04:40.000 So what I always say is...

00:04:43.000 When you're watching a comedy show at home, you get maybe 60 or 70% of what you would get if you were there.

00:04:52.000 You're missing a giant piece of the interaction with the audience, the feel, right?

00:04:58.000 The energy, for sure. 0.99

00:05:00.000 So anytime you add more shit to that... 1.00

00:05:03.000 You just fuck it up. 1.00

00:05:05.000 You just keep fucking it up. 1.00

00:05:06.000 And you keep fucking it up. 1.00

00:05:07.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:05:08.000 As simple as possible.

00:05:10.000 Like Louis C.K. does his specials.

00:05:12.000 He's just standing there.

00:05:13.000 You know? 1.00

00:05:14.000 It's like a fucking regular... 1.00

00:05:15.000 Oh, Jesus. 1.00

00:05:16.000 I was worried I was going to spill whiskey over here.

00:05:21.000 Oh boy.

00:05:21.000 And he just stands there.

00:05:23.000 And it's just, there's nothing special about his backdrop.

00:05:26.000 There's nothing special about the stage. 0.99

00:05:27.000 Like some of his best specials, you see like curtains and like fucking wires and shit. 0.99

00:05:32.000 It doesn't matter. 0.99

00:05:32.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:05:33.000 It doesn't matter.

00:05:33.000 You're watching a comic just like you would be if you were in the theater.

00:05:37.000 Yeah.

00:05:37.000 I agree.

00:05:38.000 I mean, less is better with specials.

00:05:40.000 Yeah.

00:05:41.000 These motherfuckers. 1.00

00:05:42.000 It was a nightmare. 1.00

00:05:43.000 And then, of course, because it was on Comedy Central, it was on once.

00:05:47.000 This is the thing. 0.96

00:05:48.000 Everyone was like, the fact that you can't get a special is fucking crazy. 0.96

00:05:53.000 And I agreed. 0.93

00:05:54.000 I am very humble, but the fact that I couldn't get a special was insane.

00:05:58.000 Thank you.

00:05:58.000 That's very, very funny.

00:06:00.000 Thank you.

00:06:00.000 So Bill called me and was like, I'm producing your special.

00:06:04.000 I'm like, great.

00:06:05.000 Thank you.

00:06:05.000 I mean, it was just insane.

00:06:07.000 So then they put it on once.

00:06:11.000 Like, all that material I worked on for years.

00:06:13.000 It was on one time.

00:06:14.000 And it's probably on the Comedy Central app now?

00:06:16.000 Right.

00:06:16.000 Who goes on that?

00:06:18.000 There's like five people on that.

00:06:20.000 They're downloading South Park right now for a plane trip. 0.98

00:06:24.000 The problem with all these fucking apps and streaming services, it's like there's so many of them and they all cost like ten bucks. 0.99

00:06:31.000 Right. 0.99

00:06:31.000 How many of them are you going to have? 0.99

00:06:32.000 You have Hulu and you got Disney and you got ESPN Plus and HBO Max. 0.92

00:06:36.000 What the fuck else are you going to get?

00:06:37.000 No one watched it. 0.98

00:06:38.000 Netflix.

00:06:39.000 You're not going to keep buying them.

00:06:40.000 Right.

00:06:41.000 Seven people watch my special.

00:06:44.000 The only one that's free, I think, is Amazon, right?

00:06:47.000 Isn't Amazon Prime, isn't that free?

00:06:49.000 You have to have a subscription to Amazon, and it's included with that.

00:06:52.000 But does Amazon cost money?

00:06:54.000 Amazon Prime subscription?

00:06:55.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:06:55.000 Yeah, they all cost money.

00:06:56.000 It's the same thing.

00:06:57.000 It's like $10 a month or $100 a year.

00:06:59.000 Oh, is it?

00:06:59.000 Yeah.

00:07:01.000 They all cost money.

00:07:02.000 Everything costs money.

00:07:03.000 Yeah, so how many are you going to sign up for?

00:07:06.000 If you're a person that's, you know, you're trying to watch your budget.

00:07:09.000 Like, I have a lot of friends that just have Netflix.

00:07:12.000 Nothing else.

00:07:12.000 They have an internet connection and Netflix.

00:07:15.000 That's their whole...

00:07:16.000 If it's not on Netflix, they don't watch it.

00:07:18.000 Yeah, people are like, how can I find your special?

00:07:21.000 I'm like, don't worry about it.

00:07:22.000 You can't.

00:07:23.000 Don't even...

00:07:24.000 Why doesn't someone, like, bootleg it and put it up on YouTube?

00:07:28.000 I cut it into clips.

00:07:30.000 I was like, I don't even care if this is legal or not. 0.96

00:07:32.000 I'm fucking cutting it up and I'm putting it out. 0.97

00:07:34.000 And I did. 0.99

00:07:35.000 You should pretend somebody else did it.

00:07:37.000 I mean someone else.

00:07:39.000 Could you take out that part?

00:07:41.000 Someone else got it up.

00:07:42.000 You know the thing is like a lot of comics have had great success just making their own specials and putting it on YouTube and the amount of views, like Joe List, his new special has 5 million views.

00:07:54.000 I saw that. 0.96

00:07:54.000 It's fucking amazing. 0.96

00:07:55.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:07:56.000 It's amazing because he would have been in a similar situation to you.

00:07:59.000 Had he gone and brought that same special to Comedy Central, it probably would have aired once or twice, and that's a wrap.

00:08:04.000 And then maybe, how many people?

00:08:06.000 A hundred thousand?

00:08:06.000 A couple hundred thousand would have seen it if you're lucky?

00:08:08.000 I don't even think that many, Joe.

00:08:10.000 I'm not kidding.

00:08:11.000 I don't think so either.

00:08:12.000 When you see the ratings today for cable shows, it's crazy.

00:08:17.000 Everybody's been sucked up by the internet.

00:08:19.000 The internet has consumed most people's viewing time.

00:08:22.000 Yeah, the next one I'm doing on my own in like six months.

00:08:25.000 I've been thinking about doing the same.

00:08:26.000 You should?

00:08:27.000 Are you kidding?

00:08:28.000 Yeah, but my worry is if you do something controversial and it's on YouTube and then YouTube decides to pull it down.

00:08:34.000 Because YouTube's been censoring things like crazy.

00:08:36.000 I know, that's the new thing now.

00:08:38.000 Yeah, it's insane.

00:08:39.000 It's insane.

00:08:40.000 It's like they just decide to censor things based on ideology or based on what they think, you know, it could be like what the current science is.

00:08:49.000 Like for the longest time, If you had a video on that talked about the lab leak hypothesis, Facebook would just remove it.

00:08:57.000 They would just take it down.

00:08:58.000 But now that's the primary hypothesis about how COVID got leaked.

00:09:03.000 It's from a lab.

00:09:04.000 Most scientists believe that now.

00:09:06.000 But if you went back a year ago, When this was all going on, and especially when Trump was president, nobody believed it.

00:09:13.000 Everybody was like, this is a terrible, dangerous conspiracy theory.

00:09:16.000 And if you have this up, we're going to delete things.

00:09:18.000 And so they're doing that with all kinds of stuff on YouTube.

00:09:21.000 And it's not just having to do with COVID. It's having to do with all kinds of things in politics and anything where they find that what you're doing doesn't fit into their narrow, rigid box of what's acceptable.

00:09:35.000 Yeah, isn't there a way for you to do it not on YouTube for free?

00:09:39.000 I don't know.

00:09:40.000 Not as effectively.

00:09:41.000 I mean, I could put it on Vimeo.

00:09:43.000 I could put it on...

00:09:44.000 There's a bunch of other...

00:09:45.000 What is that one?

00:09:46.000 Bumblebee?

00:09:46.000 What is that one?

00:09:47.000 Bumblebee?

00:09:48.000 That's a dating website.

00:09:49.000 That's Tuna.

00:09:50.000 Rumble, yeah.

00:09:51.000 Right, Bumblebee Tuna.

00:09:52.000 Is it Bumblebee Tuna?

00:09:53.000 I'm so out of it.

00:09:55.000 Oh, yeah, I love that song.

00:09:56.000 Remember that?

00:09:56.000 Yeah.

00:09:57.000 We're old.

00:10:00.000 Oh yeah, I love that song.

00:10:01.000 That's an amazing song.

00:10:03.000 I used to hear it on the radio.

00:10:05.000 It got me excited.

00:10:06.000 Harvey and I used to dance to that in the kitchen.

00:10:09.000 There's Rumble and Odyssey is another one.

00:10:13.000 Vimeo's good.

00:10:14.000 Yeah, Vimeo's good. 0.98

00:10:15.000 But the thing is, in terms of traffic, no one can fuck with YouTube. 0.76

00:10:19.000 I know, but with you especially, I feel like they would go right to that special and look at it and be like, I don't know. 0.97

00:10:27.000 Yeah, maybe. 1.00

00:10:28.000 Maybe they'd be like, fuck him. 1.00

00:10:29.000 With comics, I don't know. 1.00

00:10:31.000 They're on us like flies on shit right now. 0.98

00:10:34.000 Well, we're in this weird class of humans that are allowed to talk shit and we can say things that we don't really mean that are completely the opposite of what you're supposed to be allowed to say. 1.00

00:10:45.000 I know. 1.00

00:10:46.000 We're just talking out of our asses. 0.99

00:10:48.000 We're doing it because the same reason I always say when Quentin Tarantino has someone murdered in a movie, that's not real. 0.99

00:10:56.000 I know, right?

00:10:57.000 No one really died.

00:10:58.000 Right.

00:10:58.000 Bob Marley didn't shoot the sheriff.

00:11:01.000 That's so funny.

00:11:02.000 We're not really saying what we're saying.

00:11:04.000 We're saying it because it's a funny thing to say.

00:11:06.000 I know.

00:11:06.000 I have a joke that I took ecstasy and motorboated my Aunt Sheila.

00:11:10.000 And people moan in the audience.

00:11:12.000 I'm like, do you really think that I motorboated my aunt?

00:11:16.000 Like, it's so...

00:11:19.000 A lot of people are like googling motorboating.

00:11:21.000 I'm like, no, I didn't.

00:11:23.000 Right. 1.00

00:11:24.000 No, I didn't put my face in my aunt's tits. 1.00

00:11:26.000 That's what I heard. 0.99

00:11:27.000 You know, I didn't do it.

00:11:29.000 You believe everything I'm saying.

00:11:31.000 Like they just believe everything.

00:11:33.000 It's comedy.

00:11:33.000 Right.

00:11:34.000 Yeah.

00:11:34.000 It's all an exaggeration.

00:11:36.000 But this thing, this art form has been around for a long time in the same way, like where people talk shit and they said crazy things that everybody knew. 0.82

00:11:43.000 But somewhere along the line over the last, like, I don't know how many years, people decide to try to take it literally just to attack people. 0.73

00:11:49.000 Well, everyone's gotten really serious.

00:11:52.000 That's what's happened.

00:11:54.000 People are really, they're not silly. 0.84

00:11:57.000 Most people are not silly. 0.63

00:11:58.000 There's a lot of bad comedians that have turned into social commentators. 0.58

00:12:03.000 I know.

00:12:03.000 And it's stunning.

00:12:04.000 It's stunning how transparent it is and what astounding lack of self-awareness they're exhibiting.

00:12:12.000 Isn't it scary?

00:12:13.000 I don't think you do this, but I've sat at some clubs and just given people a chance.

00:12:23.000 I'm not kidding.

00:12:24.000 I've sat with a couple of my friends and been like, let's just try and just sit and watch.

00:12:28.000 Because I laugh at a lot of comics, but sometimes I've been like, this person gets a lot of laughs and I don't get it, so let me just sit and try to understand what's going on.

00:12:37.000 And I don't understand why the crowd is laughing at what they're saying, but I I've come to realize that I think a lot of it is confidence and they're a salesperson.

00:12:48.000 And even though the jokes are, there's nothing there and it's like really just clever and just, you know, kind of like a monologue, they're good salespeople.

00:12:57.000 Well, you can't hate people for charisma.

00:13:00.000 Right.

00:13:00.000 My concern is not even them.

00:13:02.000 My concern is there's a lot of people on the sidelines that are talking crazy amounts of shit and they're terrible. 1.00

00:13:10.000 They're just, they're terrible. 1.00

00:13:13.000 They're not good at the art form.

00:13:14.000 What kind of things are you hearing that's...

00:13:15.000 Oh, yeah.

00:13:16.000 They're not good at it.

00:13:17.000 And they want to criticize people who are touring.

00:13:19.000 You shouldn't be touring.

00:13:20.000 It's a pandemic.

00:13:22.000 They want to criticize people...

00:13:23.000 Well, that made me crazy.

00:13:25.000 Sorry.

00:13:26.000 I have four children.

00:13:28.000 And when people were...

00:13:29.000 When I decided that I needed to go out and work in a safe way, and people were saying stuff like that, I got really pissed.

00:13:38.000 And who were those people?

00:13:39.000 Was it Chris Rock?

00:13:40.000 Was it Louis CK? It was Bruce Valanche.

00:13:43.000 No, I'm joking.

00:13:44.000 It's people that don't work anyway.

00:13:46.000 No, right.

00:13:46.000 It was very upsetting.

00:13:48.000 I don't feel that I have the right to judge anyone for anything they do.

00:13:51.000 I mean, that's my decision.

00:13:53.000 And, you know, for anyone to judge me when I need to work or when I'm going to work, whatever, that's what I need to do.

00:14:00.000 You know, I support my family, and I had to get out and start working.

00:14:04.000 I had to.

00:14:04.000 Yeah.

00:14:06.000 These also were people, a lot of times, that didn't have kids, that don't have a family.

00:14:12.000 And yeah, it usually was people who weren't working a lot, who weren't on the road. 0.98

00:14:19.000 What it is is there was a time where everybody's life was shit and everything shut down. 0.99

00:14:25.000 And then when people started going back, the people whose lives were always shit were like, no, no, no! 0.99

00:14:30.000 We all stay in this together! 0.98

00:14:32.000 There was this thing where they didn't want everything to go back to normal.

00:14:36.000 And some of them publicly declared it.

00:14:38.000 Some of the shittiest people online publicly were declaring that they don't want things to go back to normal.

00:14:44.000 Because what they're dealing with is this overwhelming anxiety.

00:14:48.000 This chosen profession is not bearing fruit.

00:14:52.000 They're in this position where they know it's never really going to work out, but yet they're kind of working, sort of. 0.77

00:14:58.000 And then they're just shitting on people that are getting out of this slump and moving on with their lives. 0.80

00:15:04.000 Yeah, I don't get it. 0.94

00:15:05.000 It's like, it's okay for you and you can choose whatever you want.

00:15:08.000 And if you want to stay home, I totally respect that.

00:15:11.000 But what does that have to do with me and my life?

00:15:13.000 Well, now you're talking like a rational person.

00:15:15.000 Right.

00:15:16.000 Why is someone judging me for my choices?

00:15:18.000 I don't judge anyone for their choices.

00:15:20.000 I don't get it.

00:15:22.000 I'm a big fan of judging people for their choices.

00:15:23.000 It's fun.

00:15:25.000 No, I'm serious.

00:15:27.000 I am too.

00:15:28.000 I judge them.

00:15:29.000 I just don't, I won't attack them publicly.

00:15:31.000 No, I'm saying that, but I think that's what I'm saying.

00:15:33.000 Of course I judge people, but like, I would never publicly say about another comic.

00:15:39.000 Like, it's like, you know, if someone decides to stay home, great.

00:15:43.000 If they decide to go out, great.

00:15:44.000 Like, I just, it's not, it's not, I just didn't think it was appropriate to go and be like, how dare you go out and start working?

00:15:52.000 Yeah.

00:15:52.000 You know, I got, also I got extra defensive about it because I not only support four kids, but I have a child with a heart disease.

00:16:02.000 I don't even know if you know that.

00:16:03.000 My five and a half year old has severe heart disease.

00:16:06.000 And, you know, we have medical bills.

00:16:08.000 I deal with a lot of stuff.

00:16:10.000 And I had to get out and work.

00:16:12.000 These people have their own experiences.

00:16:16.000 You don't know other people's stories. 0.99

00:16:18.000 And I had people say shit to me. 0.98

00:16:20.000 Like in New York when I saw them eventually. 0.99

00:16:22.000 Like, I can't believe you went out and worked.

00:16:24.000 I can't believe you got on planes. 1.00

00:16:25.000 What the fuck are you talking about? 1.00

00:16:27.000 You don't know my story. 1.00

00:16:28.000 You don't know the bills I have or what I need to do.

00:16:31.000 It's so convenient when someone's single and they don't have any real obligation.

00:16:35.000 Exactly.

00:16:35.000 That's what I'm trying to say.

00:16:37.000 Yeah.

00:16:38.000 And after a while, it's like, you know...

00:16:41.000 We've got to move on, kids.

00:16:42.000 We've got to move on.

00:16:43.000 We've got to move on with life.

00:16:46.000 It's been almost two years.

00:16:48.000 It's time to keep rolling.

00:16:49.000 Well, some of us have to move on.

00:16:51.000 I mean, I'm incredibly careful myself, but I have to move on.

00:17:01.000 Have you seen those helmets that you can get?

00:17:04.000 Oh my god, what kind of helmet?

00:17:06.000 There's a helmet that you can get, there's like a HEPA filter, it cinches tight around your neck, you look like a space alien, and there's a fan in it.

00:17:13.000 No, what the hell is that?

00:17:16.000 Reggie got a better one?

00:17:19.000 Go to his Instagram.

00:17:21.000 I'm dying to see what this helmet looks like.

00:17:23.000 Reggie Watts was the one who told me about this and he actually wore it flying.

00:17:25.000 It's hilarious.

00:17:28.000 It's like a motorcycle helmet.

00:17:29.000 I don't know why I'm already laughing.

00:17:31.000 It's amazing.

00:17:32.000 Let's look at a video of it.

00:17:34.000 Oh, this is his new one? 1.00

00:17:36.000 Holy shit! 1.00

00:17:38.000 The new one's actually more disturbing. 1.00

00:17:41.000 Reggie's so crazy. 1.00

00:17:44.000 He's playing music and shit. 1.00

00:17:45.000 Oh my god! 0.99

00:17:47.000 Is that real though?

00:17:48.000 Is that what that is?

00:17:49.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:17:49.000 That's what it's for?

00:17:50.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:17:51.000 There's a video I'm talking with.

00:17:52.000 I thought that's what it was going to be.

00:17:53.000 Okay, but that one you can see.

00:17:55.000 God, he looks better with it.

00:17:57.000 There it is.

00:17:57.000 Here's what I've been talking with.

00:17:59.000 I just wanted to let you know.

00:18:01.000 I finally got this mask that I ordered like, I don't know, six months ago? 0.99

00:18:05.000 He's a fucking superhero. 0.99

00:18:06.000 Look at him. 1.00

00:18:07.000 He's an Avenger.

00:18:08.000 Hopefully you can hear me.

00:18:09.000 And I guess it's called the Vanta...

00:18:14.000 What is it?

00:18:15.000 Venta RS1 in black.

00:18:22.000 It's cool.

00:18:22.000 It's got a little filter on the bottom, and it's actually really comfortable, really easy to take on enough.

00:18:30.000 Kaboom! 0.99

00:18:32.000 Pretty cool.

00:18:33.000 Anyways, yeah, I like it.

00:18:36.000 I don't know how steamy it'll get in there, but it does have anti-fogging, and it really does seem to work.

00:18:42.000 Yeah, pretty cool.

00:18:44.000 All right.

00:18:46.000 Well, he had another one, though, the one that we have out there.

00:18:50.000 We bought two of them.

00:18:51.000 Those are more complicated.

00:18:52.000 They actually have fans in them that keep it from steaming up, and it covers your entire head like a space helmet.

00:18:59.000 Wow. 0.99

00:18:59.000 And, you know, he was flying on planes with this fucking thing on. 0.99

00:19:02.000 It cinches tight on your neck, so, like, nothing's getting in there. 0.98

00:19:05.000 Like, you literally go to a COVID ward and start dancing like those TikTok nurses, and you're good. 0.99

00:19:12.000 Yeah, that one looked...

00:19:14.000 I mean, it's cool, but it looked like you would get...

00:19:16.000 I felt suffocated.

00:19:17.000 It's sketchy.

00:19:18.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:19:18.000 Yeah, it's a fucking superhero helmet. 1.00

00:19:20.000 That's like... 1.00

00:19:21.000 Yeah.

00:19:21.000 Yeah, here it is.

00:19:22.000 This is the other one.

00:19:23.000 Here it is.

00:19:24.000 About these sorts of masks, you know, like some kind of gimmick or something like that.

00:19:31.000 But, uh...

00:19:34.000 It's really fun.

00:19:35.000 It's cool.

00:19:35.000 It doesn't fog up.

00:19:37.000 I'll get out into more light.

00:19:38.000 You hear the fan?

00:19:39.000 Yeah.

00:19:40.000 It's got a fan rolling on it.

00:19:42.000 You charge it.

00:19:45.000 It's pretty comfortable.

00:19:47.000 I have to grab my groceries.

00:19:50.000 Do you know Reggie?

00:19:51.000 Yeah.

00:19:51.000 I mean, I don't know him well.

00:19:52.000 I've met him, but I think he's brilliant.

00:19:54.000 He's brilliant.

00:19:55.000 Yeah.

00:19:55.000 He's a brilliant human.

00:19:56.000 Yeah.

00:19:57.000 A brilliant artist, brilliant musician, but just a brilliant human.

00:20:01.000 A super unusual person.

00:20:02.000 Yeah.

00:20:03.000 I love people like that.

00:20:04.000 I don't know anybody like Reggie.

00:20:05.000 I love people like that.

00:20:07.000 No, I do too.

00:20:08.000 Yeah.

00:20:08.000 So he's the guy.

00:20:09.000 If you want to find out about COVID masks, he's taking shit to a whole new level. 0.99

00:20:15.000 Yeah, I mean, it's like anything anyone wants to do, go for it. 0.99

00:20:22.000 Yeah.

00:20:22.000 Well, if you could travel with that thing on, who's going to knock you?

00:20:25.000 I wonder if you could actually do sets with that on. 0.99

00:20:27.000 I bet you could get a mic in that bitch, right? 1.00

00:20:32.000 And you'd be on stage like a spaceman. 1.00

00:20:35.000 Like, if it came to doing stand-up with a mask on or never doing stand-up at all, I would do stand-up with that fucking helmet on. 0.99

00:20:43.000 Are you kidding? 0.99

00:20:43.000 Of course. 0.99

00:20:44.000 And an outfit.

00:20:45.000 Yeah.

00:20:46.000 How much time did you take off?

00:20:48.000 I didn't.

00:20:49.000 I'm crazy.

00:20:50.000 You just performed the whole time?

00:20:52.000 I took a little time off and then I did Zoom shows.

00:20:54.000 I can't take a lot of time off because I'll go out of my mind.

00:20:59.000 I'm like an animal.

00:21:00.000 Zoom shows are deaf.

00:21:01.000 It was horrible.

00:21:02.000 But I also did shows.

00:21:04.000 Well, Rachel Feinstein and I, who's amazing, made a prank album during that time.

00:21:10.000 So we just pranked businesses through the whole thing.

00:21:14.000 It just came out Friday.

00:21:15.000 It's called Call Girls, and it was hilarious.

00:21:18.000 That's a great name.

00:21:18.000 Isn't that a great name?

00:21:19.000 A fan thought of it.

00:21:20.000 Do you remember the Jerky Boys?

00:21:22.000 Yes, it's like that.

00:21:22.000 We called businesses and harassed them throughout all of COVID and we recorded it with Virtual Comedy Network.

00:21:30.000 Greg Fitzsimmons did that many years ago.

00:21:33.000 He's so funny.

00:21:34.000 He's hilarious.

00:21:35.000 He recorded a whole album of it and he has this one that I will never forget.

00:21:41.000 He called up an auto rental place to tell them that the car that he rented was on fire, and he did it in this heavy Boston accent.

00:21:53.000 The car's on fire!

00:21:54.000 And then he's telling this story about how he went to the gas station, he filled up pots and pans with gas, and he had it inside the car. 1.00

00:22:01.000 But my fucking cousin's smoking. 1.00

00:22:04.000 I forget what the whole story was, but this guy on the other end is like, what the fuck are you saying? 1.00

00:22:08.000 My car's on fire? 0.99

00:22:10.000 You would love one.

00:22:11.000 I call a GNC and I'm like, hi.

00:22:13.000 I call the fat person and I'm like, hi, I need a fat supplement.

00:22:18.000 And the guy's like, okay, we have some fat burners.

00:22:21.000 And then like middle of the call, I'm like, do you have any roast beef?

00:22:25.000 I started ordering meat and cheese.

00:22:29.000 And she's like, Rachel's on the phone.

00:22:31.000 She's like, we'd like it extra thin, thinly sliced.

00:22:34.000 And I'm like, do you have any provolone?

00:22:36.000 And the guy's like, what are you talking about?

00:22:38.000 It's so much fun to make these prank calls.

00:22:41.000 Why is that so fun?

00:22:42.000 But it is. 1.00

00:22:43.000 It's because, you know, it's so silly and stupid. 1.00

00:22:47.000 And that's my thing. 1.00

00:22:49.000 It's like people need to just get like not think right now.

00:22:52.000 And just people are so uptight and just.

00:22:55.000 Strong up.

00:22:56.000 Yeah.

00:22:57.000 And it's like getting react.

00:22:58.000 They don't.

00:22:59.000 Also, people don't hang up on certain characters.

00:23:02.000 Like the old Jewish women, they never hang up on. 1.00

00:23:05.000 Ever. 0.57

00:23:06.000 We called for a massage.

00:23:08.000 You know, I was like, I'd like a socially distanced massage.

00:23:12.000 And the woman's like, what are you talking about? 0.99

00:23:13.000 They have to touch you.

00:23:14.000 I'm like, does anyone there have very long arms?

00:23:18.000 The thing about prank calls is that the audience is in on it.

00:23:22.000 That's why it's so fun.

00:23:23.000 Right, you're right.

00:23:24.000 Because they know.

00:23:25.000 Yeah.

00:23:25.000 They know, and the other person doesn't know, so they feel like, ah, I'm in on this.

00:23:29.000 Right, that's true.

00:23:31.000 Yeah.

00:23:32.000 That's what's exciting about it.

00:23:33.000 I did them a lot when I was a kid.

00:23:34.000 Did you?

00:23:35.000 Oh my god.

00:23:36.000 I don't think I did much of that.

00:23:38.000 You didn't?

00:23:39.000 No, I don't think so.

00:23:40.000 I'm trying to remember.

00:23:41.000 I probably did a few.

00:23:43.000 I think we all did as kids.

00:23:44.000 Oh, I used to get high out of my mind and sit with my friends.

00:23:48.000 I remember when I was a kid.

00:23:49.000 Okay, this I do remember.

00:23:51.000 They came up with a new way of finding out who called you.

00:23:55.000 You'd press star 69. Yeah.

00:23:57.000 Because it used to be when a phone call came in, you had no idea who was calling you.

00:24:01.000 Right.

00:24:01.000 And it was just a random gamble to answer the phone.

00:24:04.000 But then when people would call and talk shit, you could press star six nine and call them back. 0.79

00:24:09.000 That was right after the invention of like, you know, like digital lines. 0.98

00:24:14.000 They had like lines that like when someone would call you, you'd actually see caller ID. I remember that being a revelation.

00:24:21.000 This is madness.

00:24:22.000 I can see the person.

00:24:25.000 Or, here's one, kids.

00:24:28.000 Call screening.

00:24:29.000 You would let it go to voicemail.

00:24:31.000 And then your answering machine would pick up.

00:24:34.000 And they'd be like, hi, Jesse, it's Mike.

00:24:37.000 You're like, oh, hi, Mike. 0.99

00:24:38.000 And then you would have this fucking recorded conversation on your answering machine. 0.98

00:24:42.000 And you'd have to figure out how to shut it off while you're talking to the person. 0.99

00:24:45.000 How crazy that that was so big.

00:24:48.000 We're like...

00:24:50.000 This is what our parents used to say.

00:24:53.000 Yeah.

00:24:53.000 But that was like huge when we were growing up.

00:24:56.000 Giant.

00:24:56.000 Like call waiting.

00:24:57.000 Oh my God.

00:24:58.000 And merging a call.

00:24:59.000 Oh my God.

00:25:00.000 Huge.

00:25:00.000 Another person's calling.

00:25:02.000 Hold please.

00:25:04.000 It's crazy.

00:25:05.000 Like, how is this possible?

00:25:05.000 I can just call and talk to you forever.

00:25:07.000 Have you ever seen any videos of this kid doing pranks at all?

00:25:09.000 No.

00:25:10.000 Yes, it's hilarious.

00:25:11.000 So he dresses up and he'll do a voice changing.

00:25:15.000 He sounds like an old woman, but he says he's getting revenge for pranks on his grandmother.

00:25:19.000 So he'll try to bait these scammers and keep them online as long as possible.

00:25:23.000 And what is this guy's name?

00:25:25.000 His name's Kit Boga.

00:25:26.000 He does it live on Twitch a lot.

00:25:27.000 Kit Boga.

00:25:28.000 Yeah.

00:25:29.000 So he also is good at hacking and doing things on the computer, so they'll end up getting screen-shared, and he'll convince them that he's buying things and gift cards that they want him to buy.

00:25:40.000 That's how the scams kind of go.

00:25:42.000 But he acts like he'll completely bait them in.

00:25:45.000 He makes them call them back after a couple days because they think that they have a hot fish on the line.

00:25:50.000 Yeah. 0.98

00:25:51.000 Some of his highlight videos are fucking hilarious. 0.92

00:25:54.000 He's been doing it for two or three years. 0.88

00:25:56.000 Y'all have 30,000 people watching this happen live.

00:25:58.000 It's pretty funny sometimes.

00:26:00.000 Yeah.

00:26:00.000 Pranks.

00:26:01.000 Have you ever seen the ones where they'll call two Asian restaurants and just have them talk to each other?

00:26:07.000 Oh my God.

00:26:08.000 It's his...

00:26:09.000 Hello?

00:26:10.000 Hello?

00:26:11.000 Hello?

00:26:12.000 Hello?

00:26:14.000 You can't even do that anymore.

00:26:16.000 That's racist.

00:26:16.000 I know.

00:26:17.000 I'm gonna get cancelled for what I just did.

00:26:19.000 Yeah, you should get cancelled.

00:26:20.000 I don't like the way you're saying those words.

00:26:22.000 I just said hello.

00:26:24.000 Yeah, but I didn't like the undertones.

00:26:26.000 Do you feel triggered? 0.99

00:26:27.000 Yeah, fucking for sure. 1.00

00:26:30.000 Hello? 1.00

00:26:31.000 Yeah, you can't even do an Asian accent, or you're a bad person. 1.00

00:26:34.000 But what if that's what they sound like?

00:26:36.000 No, you can't imitate it.

00:26:37.000 Okay.

00:26:39.000 You have to just give up.

00:26:40.000 Like, I give up.

00:26:41.000 I do a Jewish grandmother, and I'm Jewish, and I get in trouble.

00:26:44.000 You can get away with that, though.

00:26:45.000 People get upset with me.

00:26:46.000 I was called anti-Semitic on TikTok.

00:26:49.000 Did they know that you're Jewish, though?

00:26:50.000 Yes! 1.00

00:26:51.000 Well, then they're retarded. 1.00

00:26:52.000 You can't say that. 0.99

00:26:54.000 But I did.

00:26:55.000 Yeah, but you're not allowed.

00:26:57.000 But I'm on Spotify.

00:26:58.000 You can get away with it.

00:27:03.000 That's a funny bit to just keep going back and forth about words.

00:27:06.000 You can't say that, but you can say this? 0.98

00:27:10.000 Yeah, it's a fucking goofy time. 0.98

00:27:12.000 I mean, it's a goofy time. 0.99

00:27:16.000 There's a few people that can make fun of everybody, right? 0.95

00:27:18.000 Like, if you're a black comic, you can definitely make fun of black people and white people. 0.64

00:27:21.000 And you might dabble in Asian, but you've got to be careful. 1.00

00:27:24.000 You have to be careful, I think, with that.

00:27:27.000 Michael Yeo is black and Asian.

00:27:29.000 He calls himself Blasian.

00:27:31.000 Right.

00:27:32.000 I love that word.

00:27:33.000 So he's got free past.

00:27:34.000 Both lanes.

00:27:35.000 White, Asian, black. 0.97

00:27:36.000 He's got all three at his disposal.

00:27:39.000 Yeah.

00:27:39.000 He's got it.

00:27:40.000 But I don't think that he could make fun of Jude.

00:27:42.000 There are some limits.

00:27:44.000 If his mom was Jewish, he could do it. 1.00

00:27:46.000 Absolutely. 0.87

00:27:47.000 If he was a Jewish, black, Asian.

00:27:49.000 Is that possible?

00:27:50.000 Yes, of course.

00:27:51.000 Is there a person out there that's a Jewish, black, Asian?

00:27:54.000 Yeah, for sure.

00:27:55.000 Yeah.

00:27:56.000 It can be done.

00:27:57.000 Yeah.

00:27:57.000 It's a rare combo, though.

00:27:58.000 Absolutely.

00:27:59.000 You know?

00:28:04.000 I never thought there were Jewish, Asian people, but I found out recently there are.

00:28:09.000 Oh, yeah.

00:28:10.000 This is a lot.

00:28:11.000 Yeah.

00:28:11.000 They must have a really fun Sunday night.

00:28:15.000 Jewish people always eat Chinese food on Sunday night.

00:28:17.000 Yeah, why is that?

00:28:18.000 Why is that a tradition?

00:28:19.000 I don't really know, to be honest with you, but it is a tradition.

00:28:23.000 Well, it's an East Coast thing.

00:28:25.000 Huge.

00:28:26.000 Like, East Coast has amazing Chinese food.

00:28:29.000 Amazing, yeah.

00:28:30.000 How'd that happen?

00:28:32.000 I don't know.

00:28:33.000 Maybe a lot of Chinese people move to the East.

00:28:35.000 I'm afraid of saying anything right now that might be considered offensive.

00:28:38.000 The thing is, like, the further west you get, the less like, well, that's not true, because Los Angeles, and, well, that's terribly not true, because San Francisco is a huge Chinese community.

00:28:48.000 All right, I forget what I said.

00:28:50.000 The railroads took them there, you know?

00:28:52.000 You ever see those?

00:28:53.000 You want to talk about suppression and some horrible history?

00:28:57.000 The history of Chinese people that were immigrants in America working on the railroads.

00:29:02.000 Oh, boy.

00:29:04.000 Oh, my God.

00:29:05.000 It's horrific. 1.00

00:29:05.000 They built the fucking railroads. 1.00

00:29:07.000 They built the railroads all the way across America. 1.00

00:29:10.000 And there's images of Chinese folks working on the railroads from the 1800s and the despair in their eyes, treated horribly, terribly abused.

00:29:23.000 What?

00:29:24.000 I mean, it's just...

00:29:25.000 The history of humans is so terrible.

00:29:27.000 It's horrible.

00:29:28.000 Yeah.

00:29:28.000 It's just like the last hundred years we've been nice to each other.

00:29:31.000 I thought the Asian thing was coming up.

00:29:33.000 I'm like, what?

00:29:34.000 Oh, here, we'll get that.

00:29:36.000 History of Jews, Chinese food, and Christmas explained by a rabbi.

00:29:39.000 It's because Chinese restaurants are the closest to kosher.

00:29:44.000 Oh! 0.60

00:29:45.000 Oh, that makes sense.

00:29:48.000 At least back then.

00:29:49.000 The closest to kosher.

00:29:50.000 So in terms of kosher law, a Chinese restaurant is a lot safer than an Italian restaurant, Italian food.

00:29:56.000 There's a lot of mixing of meat and dairy.

00:29:58.000 Chinese restaurant does not mix meat and dairy because Chinese cooking is virtually dairy-free.

00:30:03.000 Interesting.

00:30:04.000 That makes so much sense.

00:30:07.000 If Chinese-American cooking, if there's any pork, which is not a kosher food, it's usually concealed inside of something like a wonton.

00:30:14.000 A lot of Jews back then and even now kept strict kosher inside the home but were more flexible with food they ate at restaurants.

00:30:21.000 See if you can find pictures of Chinese folks working on the railroads because it's one of the darker, more unsung chapters of American history. 1.00

00:30:31.000 People don't really talk about it that much.

00:30:33.000 I read an article many years ago about it.

00:30:37.000 Look at this.

00:30:38.000 Building the Transcontinental Railroad, how 20,000 Chinese immigrants made it happen.

00:30:42.000 Yeah, it was...

00:30:43.000 I don't know how or why...

00:30:45.000 I don't remember how or why it was Chinese people, but there's some... 0.93

00:30:52.000 See if you can find some pictures, because there's some crazy pictures of these folks working there, and it's just like, you see the looks in their faces, and they're Malnourished and hammering fucking spikes into the ground and putting railroad ties down just all the way across America. 0.95

00:31:12.000 God, it's so... 0.99

00:31:14.000 People are gross. 0.99

00:31:16.000 People are horrific. 1.00

00:31:19.000 That's a good one. 0.90

00:31:21.000 Chinese railroad workers, it's hard to see.

00:31:24.000 There's one.

00:31:25.000 That's a good one.

00:31:26.000 Yeah, they look happy. 0.99

00:31:27.000 They look fucking so depressed. 0.99

00:31:28.000 That looks like my audience last night. 0.99

00:31:31.000 Where were you?

00:31:33.000 In my hotel room.

00:31:36.000 Did you do a Zoom show?

00:31:37.000 In my mind.

00:31:39.000 My friend John Heffron did a Zoom show back in the day, like way back in the day.

00:31:43.000 He was like one of the first guys to do them before there was ever even a pandemic.

00:31:46.000 Oh, really?

00:31:47.000 Yeah, he would set up these corporate shows and what he would do is he would be in front of a camera and he had like a wall of screens.

00:31:58.000 So everyone that was...

00:32:01.000 In on this room, he could see their faces and they could see him.

00:32:05.000 So it was like as close to a virtual comedy club as you can get.

00:32:10.000 Yeah.

00:32:10.000 And he said it was a lot of fun.

00:32:12.000 I had to get used to doing them, but I had a lot of fun doing them.

00:32:16.000 I did a lot of shows for this company, Laugh.Events, which I still do some for them, where companies will hire comics during the day.

00:32:27.000 To just, you know, perform for their, because a lot of them are still at home working.

00:32:32.000 And it's great, you know.

00:32:34.000 It's amazing to do stuff on Zoom.

00:32:37.000 I mean, my father passed a year, a month into COVID from cancer, and we had to do a Zoom shiva. 0.89

00:32:44.000 I mean, my family has laughed, like, so many times from this shiva. 0.83

00:32:48.000 It was unbelievable.

00:32:49.000 All these old Jews talking about my father on the Zoom. 1.00

00:32:53.000 Like, Jeffrey was a wonderful man!

00:32:56.000 Like, their big Jewish faces up in these screens. 0.97

00:33:00.000 I knew him from summer camp!

00:33:04.000 It was so crazy.

00:33:07.000 How many faces can you get on a Zoom call?

00:33:09.000 Oh my god, hundreds!

00:33:12.000 So you'd have to figure out who's talking?

00:33:13.000 Yeah.

00:33:14.000 Like if you have an iPad, you gotta go like, oh, that's Mike.

00:33:16.000 You have to like hit the next page and then look through all the boxes and then, you know, like it lights up.

00:33:22.000 But still, you have to keep looking and try to see who's talking.

00:33:26.000 So can you press on that box and they go full screen when they're talking?

00:33:29.000 You can press on a different, like a thing up top to make it that person is the center of the page.

00:33:36.000 How long before we're all standing in front of screens?

00:33:39.000 Like when diseases are everywhere and you can't leave your house, we're just standing in front of giant screens and you're gonna talk to everybody like Minority Report.

00:33:46.000 Everything's gonna be screen to screen.

00:33:49.000 Very little face time.

00:33:49.000 I won't be alive at that point.

00:33:50.000 You don't think so?

00:33:51.000 I won't make it through at that point.

00:33:53.000 No?

00:33:53.000 I can't.

00:33:54.000 I don't know.

00:33:56.000 That sounds...

00:33:57.000 Joe, that sounds...

00:33:59.000 This past year and a half was kind of horrible for a lot of people socially.

00:34:02.000 Horrible?

00:34:03.000 A lot of people like anxiety-ridden people.

00:34:07.000 I've never been as depressed as I was during COVID ever in my life.

00:34:11.000 I've always been anxious, but I've never been that depressed in my life.

00:34:15.000 What did you feel?

00:34:17.000 Did you feel like this is not going to get any better?

00:34:20.000 Hopeless, completely hopeless.

00:34:22.000 I didn't think it was going to go away.

00:34:23.000 I didn't think we were going to be able to go out again.

00:34:26.000 I can be very negative and go into a dark place and think the worst.

00:34:33.000 I started seeing a trauma therapist who sent me to do therapy with a horse.

00:34:39.000 This is a true story.

00:34:41.000 Equine therapy.

00:34:42.000 Have you ever heard of that?

00:34:43.000 I have because of Whitney Cummings.

00:34:45.000 Oh, right!

00:34:46.000 Yeah, Whitney owns at least one horse. 0.84

00:34:49.000 Yeah, she's very into that. 0.53

00:34:52.000 Well, my mom's a therapist, so my mom suggested a trauma therapist who sent me to do therapy with a horse, and it was supposed to calm me, but I don't know if you realize how big horses are. 0.99

00:35:05.000 It scared the fucking shit out of me. 0.99

00:35:09.000 What if you got kicked? 1.00

00:35:10.000 You go to get therapy?

00:35:11.000 No, it was worse.

00:35:13.000 First of all, I walked up to this horse.

00:35:14.000 It was so big that it traumatized me.

00:35:17.000 I'm not saying it to be funny.

00:35:18.000 It traumatized me.

00:35:19.000 It was like enormous. 0.99

00:35:21.000 Its cock was out, which I... Well, it didn't turn me on. 1.00

00:35:27.000 I mean, first of all, I'm gay, so this thing was like fucking huge. 1.00

00:35:31.000 It was the wiffle bat. 0.99

00:35:32.000 It was the biggest thing.

00:35:33.000 Oh, they're enormous.

00:35:34.000 Enormous!

00:35:35.000 Do you know about Mr. Hands?

00:35:38.000 Who's Mr. Hands?

00:35:39.000 Okay.

00:35:41.000 What?

00:35:41.000 There's a documentary called Zoo.

00:35:44.000 And Zoo is about people that have zoophilia.

00:35:47.000 And it's like, you know, pedophilia.

00:35:49.000 They're in their kids.

00:35:50.000 Yeah.

00:35:51.000 Zoophilia, they're in the animals.

00:35:52.000 And they're sexually...

00:35:53.000 Excuse me.

00:35:56.000 They're sexually attracted to animals, which is a thing.

00:36:01.000 It's like a big thing.

00:36:02.000 And so they would find forums. 0.99

00:36:04.000 And these forums, they would all meet up and go to a place, like a farm, and they would all get fucked by animals. 0.98

00:36:11.000 And it turns out that- Wait, is this legal? 0.98

00:36:14.000 In some states.

00:36:15.000 It turns out in Washington State, up until this guy died, it was legal.

00:36:24.000 And so there's a video out there called Mr. Hands.

00:36:29.000 And in this video, this guy is getting fucked by a horse. 1.00

00:36:33.000 And he eventually wound up dying from getting fucked by a horse. 1.00

00:36:36.000 The horse ruptured his internal organs. 0.99

00:36:39.000 How did it fit?

00:36:40.000 Oh, it's wild.

00:36:43.000 Do you want to see it?

00:36:44.000 Why not?

00:36:45.000 Yeah, you did your mom's house live.

00:36:47.000 Yeah, nothing's worse than what I just watched on your mom's house live.

00:36:51.000 Nothing.

00:36:51.000 Nothing can be worse.

00:36:52.000 I'm already completely not okay from that.

00:36:54.000 So I have the documentary up.

00:36:56.000 Where in the documentary is it?

00:36:57.000 Well, Zoo is just a documentary.

00:36:59.000 What you want is MrHands.mpeg.

00:37:03.000 Is everyone watching this from home?

00:37:05.000 A lot of people are watching this from home.

00:37:08.000 Just Google MrHands.mpeg.

00:37:12.000 Was there any kind of lubricant?

00:37:14.000 Oh yeah, for sure.

00:37:15.000 Yeah, it was all slippery. 0.99

00:37:16.000 That was one of the dumbest questions I've ever asked anyone. 0.98

00:37:19.000 No, they use sandpaper. 0.99

00:37:21.000 It is your arm. 0.99

00:37:23.000 I have to tell everyone watching, the size of the penis was your arm. 1.00

00:37:27.000 Yeah, it's enormous. 1.00

00:37:31.000 I'm afraid it's going to take me.

00:37:33.000 But yeah, you can get it there.

00:37:36.000 Oh, you're worried about it being a virus?

00:37:38.000 This is not on a safe website.

00:37:41.000 Not a legit website?

00:37:43.000 What about LiveLeak?

00:37:46.000 Like somewhere like LiveLeak? 1.00

00:37:48.000 LiveLeak has all the dark shit. 0.99

00:37:50.000 You ever go to LiveLeak? 1.00

00:37:51.000 I've seen...

00:37:52.000 It's all car accidents.

00:37:53.000 There was a crazy time in my life where I watched beheadings and stuff.

00:37:57.000 I was out of my mind.

00:37:58.000 What was that?

00:37:59.000 That's the video.

00:38:00.000 Two Guys, One Horse is the video.

00:38:01.000 I know, but it wasn't playing there.

00:38:02.000 Two guys, one horse?

00:38:05.000 No, the other guy's helping him. 1.00

00:38:08.000 The other guy helps guide the cock into this guy, Mr. Hand's butt. 0.99

00:38:13.000 It's a real video. 1.00

00:38:14.000 Mr. Hand's butt. 0.98

00:38:16.000 It's one of the craziest videos I've ever seen in my life because you start doing the math. 0.99

00:38:20.000 Did he die in this video?

00:38:22.000 No. 0.99

00:38:23.000 The video is just one of hundreds of hours of footage of this guy getting fucked by horses. 0.99

00:38:29.000 This guy got fucked by horses all the time. 0.99

00:38:32.000 What other animals did he have inside of him? 1.00

00:38:34.000 That's a good question.

00:38:35.000 I don't have an answer.

00:38:36.000 I wonder what the strangest one was, because it's not a horse.

00:38:39.000 That's pretty strange.

00:38:41.000 What's stranger than a horse?

00:38:43.000 Is a donkey stranger?

00:38:44.000 A llama?

00:38:45.000 Yeah, that's stranger.

00:38:46.000 It's exotic.

00:38:47.000 Right.

00:38:49.000 Alpaca?

00:38:50.000 Those are so cute.

00:38:52.000 They are cute.

00:38:53.000 Can you imagine its face while it was doing it?

00:38:55.000 Probably adorable.

00:38:56.000 Probably excited.

00:38:58.000 They don't care.

00:38:59.000 They don't have any social constructs in their head.

00:39:01.000 It's just a warm hole. 1.00

00:39:02.000 No, they look really dumb. 1.00

00:39:03.000 It's probably like... 1.00

00:39:04.000 They're excited.

00:39:05.000 Yeah.

00:39:07.000 He's trying to blow loads. 1.00

00:39:09.000 They don't give a fuck if it's a dude's butt or a horse. 1.00

00:39:12.000 They don't even know what it is. 1.00

00:39:13.000 Yeah, it's just a hole.

00:39:14.000 You're right.

00:39:15.000 Imagine being a horse. 0.99

00:39:16.000 You have no ability to jerk yourself off. 1.00

00:39:18.000 At least a dog can lick its dick. 1.00

00:39:20.000 Right. 1.00

00:39:21.000 A horse is fucked. 1.00

00:39:23.000 You know, you got hooves. 1.00

00:39:24.000 I know. 0.93

00:39:24.000 You're just horny all the time. 0.93

00:39:25.000 Yeah, you can't jerk off with a hoof. 1.00

00:39:27.000 That's painful. 1.00

00:39:28.000 You can't lick it.

00:39:29.000 You can't even get back to there.

00:39:31.000 You're not built for it.

00:39:32.000 And sticking it in a bucket, it's a huge space that's not tight enough.

00:39:37.000 Not enough.

00:39:38.000 You got it?

00:39:39.000 Let me see.

00:39:41.000 Let me see.

00:39:42.000 Oh, man.

00:39:42.000 Hold on.

00:39:46.000 Yeah, that's it.

00:39:47.000 100%.

00:39:47.000 Okay.

00:39:48.000 So, start from the beginning.

00:39:50.000 Start from the beginning.

00:39:51.000 How long is this?

00:39:52.000 It doesn't take long.

00:39:54.000 Horses come quick.

00:39:55.000 So, let's get some volume.

00:39:57.000 Oh, they took the volume out. 0.99

00:40:01.000 Look, he guides it into this dude's butt. 0.99

00:40:06.000 Now, watch this. 0.99

00:40:09.000 Oh.

00:40:10.000 My.

00:40:10.000 God.

00:40:11.000 Now, he's trying to hold it back, which is hilarious. 0.99

00:40:14.000 Look at this guy's got all these anal piercings and stuff. 0.99

00:40:17.000 But watch how far it goes in. 0.99

00:40:18.000 The horse goes BOOM! Take it! 0.95

00:40:20.000 Whoa! 0.71

00:40:21.000 Yeah.

00:40:21.000 And apparently that's what did him in.

00:40:24.000 That thrust?

00:40:26.000 Yes.

00:40:26.000 He wanted to be like me.

00:40:27.000 Well that kind of thrust where the horse...

00:40:29.000 Oh my god!

00:40:32.000 Yeah.

00:40:32.000 Even though a horse is that big- What was that?

00:40:35.000 A horse is enormous.

00:40:36.000 It's still so big, even for a horse. 1.00

00:40:39.000 Like, if a horse was a human, he'd have a giant dick, right? 1.00

00:40:43.000 Yeah, that horse was packing it. 1.00

00:40:46.000 He was packing it.

00:40:47.000 Yeah, that horse was very confident.

00:40:49.000 Hugely confident.

00:40:50.000 Walking to any bar with a swagger. 0.84

00:40:53.000 That horse would kill it on stage. 0.99

00:40:56.000 But that's the video.

00:40:58.000 So that guy eventually wound up dying.

00:41:01.000 How do you know that that thrust was the one that killed him?

00:41:05.000 No, it wasn't.

00:41:06.000 That video wasn't the one where he died.

00:41:08.000 That was always the rumor, was that that video had killed him, but apparently that's not true.

00:41:12.000 Apparently that video was one of hundreds of hours of footage that these people have.

00:41:18.000 That's not it? 0.99

00:41:19.000 What the fuck? 1.00

00:41:20.000 Oh my god, the horse is cuddling him too! 1.00

00:41:24.000 Guys like it.

00:41:25.000 That's a big black one. 1.00

00:41:26.000 Some guys like it up their ass. 1.00

00:41:29.000 It's fun for them. 1.00

00:41:30.000 I get why they like it up the ass, but from a horse? 0.99

00:41:33.000 I think people just keep taking things to the next level. 0.99

00:41:36.000 I understand. 0.99

00:41:37.000 Like, some people wanted to skydive, and other people are like, well, fuck that, I'm going to skydive off a building. 0.90

00:41:42.000 You know, it's like, people all want to skydive from space. 0.99

00:41:45.000 Like, people just get nuts.

00:41:47.000 I have to burn this computer now, I think.

00:41:48.000 Oh, really?

00:41:49.000 I mean, don't I? Social credit score and everything.

00:41:52.000 Oh, yeah, social credit score is going to be a real issue once the Communist Party takes over. 0.99

00:41:57.000 America. 1.00

00:41:58.000 What would be bigger than being fucked by a horse? 1.00

00:42:01.000 Like a camel? 1.00

00:42:04.000 A giraffe?

00:42:05.000 A giraffe for sure is bigger than a horse.

00:42:07.000 Way bigger.

00:42:08.000 Yeah, that would be it.

00:42:09.000 But you'd have to have a ladder or something. 0.98

00:42:12.000 There'd have to be some way that the horse can get to your butt or the giraffe can get to your butt. 0.99

00:42:17.000 You know? 0.99

00:42:19.000 I just, I don't know.

00:42:21.000 I mean, I kind of understand it. 1.00

00:42:23.000 If you hate yourself so much to just want a horse to fuck your ass. 1.00

00:42:27.000 I don't even know if it's, I hate myself so much, like, that that's what they're thinking. 1.00

00:42:32.000 I think they're just thinking they want to do something really naughty.

00:42:36.000 They want to do something super perverted and super taboo.

00:42:41.000 I think there's a lot of that.

00:42:42.000 Well, in the last one, the horse looked like it loved him.

00:42:45.000 Yeah.

00:42:45.000 Yeah, I was like hugging him.

00:42:46.000 Yeah, his arms were right.

00:42:47.000 He was cuddling him, kind of.

00:42:49.000 Yeah, a little bit.

00:42:50.000 A little bit.

00:42:50.000 Yeah.

00:42:51.000 You know, the episode that you did of Your Mom's House Live, I don't think it had this in there, but other ones they have had, where guys were fisting each other.

00:43:00.000 There was a lot of fisting.

00:43:02.000 Was there?

00:43:21.000 Am I going to be assaulted? 1.00

00:43:22.000 Did they let you know that we're going to see some horrific shit? 1.00

00:43:25.000 No, they didn't tell me. 0.98

00:43:27.000 The fans, hundreds of fans kept sending me messages going, I hope you're ready.

00:43:31.000 I hope you have a good stomach.

00:43:33.000 Don't eat a lot before the show.

00:43:35.000 I'm like...

00:43:36.000 My god.

00:43:37.000 Yeah, this was this is the preview.

00:43:40.000 This was at the Paramount, right?

00:43:42.000 Yeah, this was the show.

00:43:42.000 Yeah, this is what happened.

00:43:44.000 Yeah, I didn't Didn't make it to that one.

00:43:46.000 I wanted to go though.

00:43:47.000 I was unfortunately out of town But look this was in the next one you are I'm doing the one in November.

00:43:54.000 Oh, I'm so excited You're gonna yeah, this was yeah, I set the day aside I'm fucking pumped You're going to love it.

00:44:03.000 I had so much fun. 0.87

00:44:04.000 I laughed my ass off.

00:44:05.000 At one point, Tom turned to me and went, and I said, don't.

00:44:09.000 I can't even believe I said this.

00:44:11.000 In the mic, I said, don't throw up on me because I will throw up on Christine. 0.99

00:44:15.000 I'm like, this is going to be a fucking nightmare. 0.99

00:44:17.000 It would be like that scene from Stand By Me. 0.99

00:44:19.000 Yes.

00:44:20.000 I would throw up on her, then she would throw up on me. 1.00

00:44:24.000 The worst was someone, a man shitting in another man's mouth. 1.00

00:44:30.000 And it was as if the man that shitting, like he ate hay. 0.99

00:44:35.000 I'm not saying it to be funny. 1.00

00:44:37.000 It was the hardiest shit I've ever seen. 0.99

00:44:40.000 He must have eaten hay for two weeks. 1.00

00:44:42.000 Because it was horses shit. 1.00

00:44:44.000 It wasn't human shit. 1.00

00:44:45.000 Do you know what I'm talking about? 1.00

00:44:46.000 It was probably a vegan.

00:44:46.000 It had grass in it.

00:44:48.000 It was hearty.

00:44:50.000 And the guy was picking it up and kept chewing on it.

00:44:54.000 Right.

00:44:55.000 Jesus.

00:44:55.000 Like eating food.

00:44:58.000 Then he peed all over him in his mouth.

00:45:01.000 And then he came in his mouth. 0.50

00:45:03.000 That probably helped.

00:45:03.000 He came in his mouth too?

00:45:04.000 Tom kept saying, it's not over.

00:45:06.000 I said, what's next?

00:45:08.000 What's next?

00:45:09.000 Oh my God.

00:45:10.000 Jesus Christ.

00:45:12.000 There's people out there like that, but that's my point.

00:45:14.000 There's people that always want to take things to the next level. 1.00

00:45:20.000 I don't understand eating shit. 0.99

00:45:22.000 And I'm very open. 0.99

00:45:23.000 I mean, I am really open.

00:45:28.000 What a crazy statement.

00:45:28.000 Like, I get a lot.

00:45:30.000 Yeah, I get a lot. 0.99

00:45:31.000 But I don't get eating shit. 1.00

00:45:34.000 And picking it up and then keep putting it in your mouth and then keep eating more, eating more. 1.00

00:45:41.000 Like, I don't understand how that's a turn on.

00:45:43.000 At some point in time, you should stop. 1.00

00:45:45.000 Yeah, he shouldn't eat shit all day. 0.99

00:45:47.000 Right, it was like he wouldn't leave any on the plate. 1.00

00:45:52.000 He kept eating more and more and more.

00:45:54.000 What is that?

00:45:56.000 Do you understand it in any way?

00:45:58.000 Bad parenting?

00:45:58.000 For sure.

00:46:00.000 I mean, let's start with that.

00:46:01.000 Let's start with bad parenting.

00:46:02.000 That's what I mean.

00:46:03.000 They're damaged.

00:46:04.000 There's something wrong.

00:46:05.000 Well, there's something that they say happens to people when they get scolded for shitting their pants when they're really young and really punished and shamed.

00:46:15.000 For some men in particular, and it seems to mostly be men, for some men that becomes a thing that gets somehow attached to sexuality.

00:46:24.000 That makes sense.

00:46:25.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:46:26.000 Yeah, like naughtiness, and you're a bad boy, and then you're shitting, and then you're doing things like that. 1.00

00:46:33.000 Maybe you want to see someone shit. 0.99

00:46:35.000 You remember, there was a story about a certain actor. 1.00

00:46:39.000 I don't know if it's true, but he would hire women to shit on a glass table. 0.99

00:46:44.000 I remember that. 1.00

00:46:45.000 Yo, that guy.

00:46:48.000 I don't know if it's true.

00:46:49.000 It's probably not true.

00:46:50.000 But let's just pretend it is.

00:46:53.000 Someone's done it, for sure.

00:46:54.000 Maybe it's not him.

00:46:54.000 Oh, yeah.

00:46:55.000 They would have this lady squat over a glass table or coffee table and just take a giant meaty shit while he looked up. 1.00

00:47:07.000 I think Norton's had people shit on him before. 0.99

00:47:09.000 Didn't he say that? 0.94

00:47:11.000 He's had people do a lot on him. 0.98

00:47:14.000 I think Jim Norton has had some people shit on him. 0.93

00:47:16.000 I understand looking at it for some reason in a glass table. 0.98

00:47:20.000 Yes.

00:47:20.000 If that's not true, Jim, I'm really sorry.

00:47:23.000 Jim, we're sorry.

00:47:24.000 But I mean, you can understand why I would assume that maybe you've tried that.

00:47:26.000 I love you.

00:47:27.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:47:28.000 But yeah, I mean, it's kind of fascinating, like watching the asshole open up and watching the... 1.00

00:47:35.000 I like watching assholes open up and things up. 1.00

00:47:38.000 Like watching... 1.00

00:47:39.000 Yeah.

00:47:40.000 And you're protected.

00:47:42.000 I do like that.

00:47:43.000 Right.

00:47:43.000 I get it on the glass.

00:47:45.000 Yeah, that would be a thrill.

00:47:46.000 Me too.

00:47:46.000 I mean, I like when it opens and things happen, but I don't think I'd want it to come into my mouth and...

00:47:52.000 Well, that's next level.

00:47:53.000 That is a lot.

00:47:55.000 Yeah.

00:47:56.000 That's someone who's just, you're just gone.

00:47:58.000 You're barely hanging on.

00:48:00.000 You're a second away from ending it.

00:48:02.000 I'm sorry.

00:48:03.000 A second away.

00:48:04.000 There's not.

00:48:04.000 You've got a gun in the chamber, loaded, a bullet in the chamber.

00:48:08.000 You got the gun in your hand, finger on the trigger.

00:48:10.000 You're like, not yet. 1.00

00:48:11.000 Let me eat some shit first. 1.00

00:48:14.000 Totally! 1.00

00:48:15.000 But the crazy thing is that we're not shocked that there's people like that out there.

00:48:19.000 You're shocked when you see it.

00:48:20.000 But there's no part of your brain that goes, I could never imagine that this was a thing.

00:48:25.000 Because we've seen so much.

00:48:26.000 Oh, I can imagine it.

00:48:27.000 Yeah, that's what's crazy.

00:48:29.000 It's not really that stunning. 1.00

00:48:33.000 No, there's a guy who cut his dick. 1.00

00:48:34.000 This was worse to me than the eating the shit. 1.00

00:48:37.000 There was a guy that took a knife and cut his penis. 1.00

00:48:40.000 Off? 1.00

00:48:41.000 No, a big cut and blood went spurting everywhere like a geyser.

00:48:48.000 So he cut it when it was hard? 0.99

00:48:50.000 Yes, I don't even have a dick. 0.99

00:48:54.000 That's such a crazy thing I just said. 0.99

00:48:56.000 That's only the third crazy thing you've said. 1.00

00:49:01.000 I don't even have a dick! 1.00

00:49:03.000 Damn it. 1.00

00:49:04.000 I know, it's very upsetting. 0.99

00:49:06.000 I don't even have one, and that freaked me out more than anything.

00:49:10.000 And there were some men that watched it that were like, I don't know, it didn't really...

00:49:13.000 I'm like, what?

00:49:14.000 That freaked me out when I saw that.

00:49:17.000 It should.

00:49:18.000 It was...

00:49:19.000 The worst thing I saw out of anything.

00:49:21.000 Well, it's like that kind of self-harm stuff is very sad.

00:49:24.000 Well, especially you.

00:49:25.000 You're a mom, right?

00:49:26.000 So I'm a father. 0.99

00:49:28.000 I know you see people that are harming themselves like that, and I immediately think someone fucked up. 0.99

00:49:36.000 Like, someone raised that person terrible. 0.99

00:49:38.000 Somebody abused that person.

00:49:40.000 That, absolutely.

00:49:42.000 Yeah, I mean, I'm not a psychologist, but I would imagine like 99% accuracy that person's been abused.

00:49:49.000 Horribly.

00:49:50.000 Has to be.

00:49:51.000 I mean, what's the point of that? 1.00

00:49:52.000 Why would you cut your dick and spray blood all over the place? 0.99

00:49:55.000 And it went on, and I mean, he kept showing it, Tom. 1.00

00:49:58.000 I was like, you're, yeah.

00:50:00.000 So Tom shows me this video.

00:50:01.000 He sends it to me. 1.00

00:50:03.000 Tom has sent me the most horrific shit I've ever seen in my life, other than the guy getting fucked by the horse. 1.00

00:50:08.000 So these two guys are fisting. 1.00

00:50:10.000 And this guy is fisting this guy's asshole and he pulls his arm out and the guy's prolapsed rectum comes out with it like a sock. 1.00

00:50:20.000 And then there's another guy next to him and he's fisting that guy and then he rubs their prolapsed rectums together. 1.00

00:50:28.000 Have you seen that one? 0.89

00:50:30.000 Jamie's seen it.

00:50:32.000 Jamie's got it on a loop.

00:50:33.000 That's a screensaver at home.

00:50:34.000 I think they've shown it on a live or something.

00:50:36.000 I saw something like that.

00:50:37.000 I think so, yeah.

00:50:38.000 I think that's exactly where...

00:50:39.000 I think he sent it to me before they did their show and then said, we're going to show this in front of the whole audience. 0.99

00:50:44.000 I was like, what the fuck? 0.95

00:50:45.000 Yeah, there was a lot of prolapsed Assholes what they've done and we talked about this before the podcast started is an amazing thing They've put together like a real legitimate production and every month or so they put on these Phenomenal shows where they they do a live show you you buy it online It's completely pay-per-view so they can show you the wildest most fucked up things online There's no censorship at all You don't have to worry about it being taken down. 1.00

00:51:13.000 It's unbelievable. 0.89

00:51:16.000 They have created the crazy...

00:51:18.000 I mean, it's unreal what they've done.

00:51:20.000 It's unreal.

00:51:22.000 They're so unusual.

00:51:23.000 Because there's Rich Voss and Bonnie McFarlane.

00:51:26.000 There's Natasha Leggera and Moshe Kasher.

00:51:29.000 And then there's Tom and Christina.

00:51:30.000 Those are the only funny couples.

00:51:33.000 Well, Joe List and Sarah Talamash.

00:51:36.000 There's definitely more people.

00:51:37.000 I can't think off the top of my head, but there's definitely more.

00:51:40.000 That I can name, I can only name like four.

00:51:43.000 I can't think right now, but there are some.

00:51:47.000 It's super rare, but those guys are at the top of the heap. 0.97

00:51:52.000 It's so unusual that you have a top flight male and a top flight female comedian, and then they have a family, and their kids are hilarious, and they've decided to partner together and put on this wild ass fucking live show. 0.97

00:52:06.000 It's amazing. 0.95

00:52:07.000 The thing that you said that's the best part of it is they can do anything they want, Say anything they want.

00:52:14.000 Hire whoever they want.

00:52:16.000 No restrictions.

00:52:17.000 I mean, that is what any comic would want.

00:52:20.000 It's heaven.

00:52:21.000 It's heaven.

00:52:23.000 And without the internet, it would never have been available.

00:52:25.000 Never.

00:52:25.000 And even with the internet, the only way you could do it is if you create infrastructure the way they've done.

00:52:30.000 Where you have your own servers and your own thing and your own pay-per-view set up.

00:52:34.000 Because no one's going to let you do that regularly.

00:52:37.000 Right.

00:52:38.000 I said to them, you have to do it a lot.

00:52:40.000 I mean, it's just unreal.

00:52:42.000 It's unbelievable.

00:52:43.000 But you couldn't do that.

00:52:46.000 Well, Patreon backed off.

00:52:48.000 Not Patreon.

00:52:50.000 What was it?

00:52:51.000 OnlyFans.

00:52:52.000 OnlyFans were saying, we're not going to have naked content anymore.

00:52:55.000 Patreon's gotten stricter, too, right?

00:52:57.000 Much stricter.

00:52:58.000 The problem is when someone complains.

00:53:02.000 If someone complains and then Vox runs a story on it, then they're going to want to ban you.

00:53:06.000 But if, like, OnlyFans, for a while, they were talking about not having any naked content and not having any pornograph, and then they realized that's 90% of the people on OnlyFans.

00:53:17.000 Right.

00:53:17.000 And they backed off of it.

00:53:19.000 Oh, they backed off?

00:53:20.000 I didn't know they backed off of that.

00:53:22.000 Yeah, it's great that they did.

00:53:23.000 That's nice.

00:53:24.000 It's a win for freedom.

00:53:27.000 Yeah.

00:53:28.000 Of course.

00:53:29.000 I mean, listen.

00:53:31.000 You can get free porn anytime you want. 0.99

00:53:35.000 I mean, it's ridiculous. 0.99

00:53:36.000 Who cares? 0.92

00:53:36.000 But I think the thing was banks. 0.92

00:53:40.000 My throat is so scratchy.

00:53:42.000 I'm sorry.

00:53:42.000 I've got to clear my throat again.

00:53:45.000 The thing is banks.

00:53:46.000 Because banks, for whatever reason, they don't want to be involved in naked people. 1.00

00:53:50.000 Well, they want to be involved with naked people, just not publicly.

00:53:54.000 Right.

00:53:55.000 They want the money, but they don't want to be shamed.

00:53:58.000 So they don't want to get in trouble, whether it's sponsors or other business relationships they have.

00:54:04.000 So they were trying to figure out a way to stop the nakedness on OnlyFans.

00:54:09.000 The nakedness.

00:54:10.000 Yeah.

00:54:10.000 It's like, come on.

00:54:11.000 It's what you do.

00:54:13.000 It's like, why is Chick-fil-A closed on Sunday? 1.00

00:54:15.000 Open up, bitch. 1.00

00:54:16.000 You sell dead chickens. 1.00

00:54:18.000 Stop saying this is about Jesus. 1.00

00:54:22.000 I love when you say bitch. 1.00

00:54:24.000 It's so funny to me. 0.99

00:54:25.000 Oh, thank you.

00:54:26.000 Yeah.

00:54:26.000 I mean, I don't know.

00:54:29.000 Chick-fil-A is delicious, but the gay thing really, I just can't. 1.00

00:54:32.000 I can imagine.

00:54:33.000 Yeah.

00:54:34.000 It's not good. 0.88

00:54:35.000 But some people are gay and they still go to Chick-fil-A. I know. 1.00

00:54:37.000 That's how goddamn good their sandwiches are. 0.99

00:54:39.000 I know. 0.99

00:54:39.000 You know? 0.99

00:54:40.000 It's like people have been molested and they still listen to Michael Jackson.

00:54:44.000 Like, I can't help myself.

00:54:46.000 I wanna rock with you.

00:54:47.000 Well, he is an amazing singer.

00:54:49.000 Oh, no.

00:54:50.000 He was, yeah.

00:54:51.000 I don't even know if he did anything. 0.99

00:54:53.000 I don't shame anyone for going to Chick-fil-A, whether you, you know, eat box or suck dick, whatever, but, you know. 0.99

00:54:59.000 I like that, eat box. 0.99

00:55:00.000 I always say it.

00:55:01.000 It's a good way to say it.

00:55:01.000 I love doing it, yeah.

00:55:03.000 And you can say it.

00:55:04.000 Yeah, of course.

00:55:05.000 I can say anything about that I want.

00:55:08.000 Isn't it weird, though, that Chick-fil-A is essentially the only restaurant chain that's associated with an ideology?

00:55:15.000 Clearly.

00:55:16.000 Right?

00:55:16.000 Yeah.

00:55:17.000 It's so ridiculous. 0.99

00:55:18.000 Is there another one? 0.98

00:55:21.000 No.

00:55:22.000 No, right?

00:55:22.000 I don't think so.

00:55:23.000 Not a restaurant.

00:55:24.000 No.

00:55:24.000 I mean Hobby Lobby.

00:55:26.000 There's other businesses for sure.

00:55:29.000 Yeah, but like a restaurant that's associated with a religious ideology?

00:55:34.000 No.

00:55:34.000 But that's it, right?

00:55:35.000 I don't think so.

00:55:36.000 Jamie, can you think of one?

00:55:38.000 But that's a big one.

00:55:40.000 Well, not an ideology, but Ben& Jerry's won't sell ice cream in Israel, right?

00:55:46.000 Oh, yeah.

00:55:47.000 That's a new thing.

00:55:49.000 Yeah.

00:55:49.000 I mean...

00:55:50.000 That seems a little weird.

00:55:53.000 It's not that big. 0.95

00:55:55.000 In-N-Out does have, like, verses on the bottom of the cups and shit, which is kind of strange. 0.91

00:56:00.000 In-N-Out? 0.94

00:56:00.000 Yeah. 0.94

00:56:01.000 Just considering the name, too.

00:56:03.000 That's hilarious.

00:56:04.000 Under the cup?

00:56:06.000 Yeah.

00:56:07.000 Do they really?

00:56:08.000 Bible verses? 0.95

00:56:09.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:56:10.000 That is so funny to me.

00:56:12.000 That is funny.

00:56:13.000 But they're not pushing it.

00:56:14.000 Chick-fil-A pushes it. 0.98

00:56:15.000 I believe they fund...

00:56:17.000 They do.

00:56:18.000 Do they fund anti-gay groups?

00:56:19.000 I just made that up, but I think they do.

00:56:25.000 I know!

00:56:27.000 Because I'm clueless, but I think they have.

00:56:30.000 I think so, too.

00:56:31.000 I think there's something about that.

00:56:32.000 Yeah.

00:56:33.000 Well, the Mormons definitely have. 0.96

00:56:35.000 I used to have a bit about it.

00:56:37.000 Proposition 8 was in California, and Proposition 8 was a prop to, I think it was to limit gay marriage or remove gay marriage.

00:56:47.000 Because gay marriage had been cleared in California.

00:56:51.000 And then there was, I think it was Prop 8. See if this is true.

00:56:55.000 And then a big part of Prop 8 support to try to remove gay marriage, it turns out, came from the Mormons.

00:57:01.000 So I had a joke about it.

00:57:03.000 That the Mormons should be afraid of gay marriage. 0.87

00:57:06.000 Because if someone can talk you into being a Mormon... 1.00

00:57:10.000 They can definitely talk you into sucking their dick. 1.00

00:57:15.000 That's very true. 1.00

00:57:17.000 They just need a little more alone time with you.

00:57:19.000 That's so true.

00:57:20.000 Yeah, here it is.

00:57:20.000 What does it say?

00:57:21.000 Known as Prop 8 was a California ballot proposition and state constitutional amendment intend to ban same-sex marriage.

00:57:28.000 Yes, that's it.

00:57:29.000 So it passed in November of 2008 in the California state elections, which is so crazy.

00:57:33.000 But it was later overturned in court.

00:57:35.000 So California, the most progressive state, arguably, other than New York, right?

00:57:40.000 In the country.

00:57:41.000 And they passed a law in 2008 to ban gay marriage.

00:57:47.000 I know.

00:57:48.000 And there's stuff coming up about that again now.

00:57:51.000 What?

00:57:52.000 Yeah.

00:57:53.000 There's stuff.

00:57:53.000 After the abortion thing, the new thing supposedly is trying to get rid of gay marriage again.

00:57:58.000 It's so crazy. 1.00

00:57:59.000 It's so dumb. 1.00

00:58:00.000 It's so dumb. 1.00

00:58:01.000 I mean, that would not happen. 0.99

00:58:03.000 That shouldn't even be remotely controversial.

00:58:07.000 Yeah.

00:58:07.000 At this point in time, it seems like when each generation sort of moves forward, whatever weird ideas that people were holding onto because of ignorance in the past,

00:58:24.000 slowly they get eroded away.

00:58:25.000 And you see marginalized groups get accepted more and more and more over time.

00:58:30.000 And the gay one's a big one in my lifetime. 1.00

00:58:32.000 Because when I was a little kid, I lived in San Francisco.

00:58:35.000 From age 7 to 11. Oh, really?

00:58:37.000 Yeah, I lived right in the heart of it.

00:58:40.000 Oh.

00:58:40.000 We lived off of Lombard Street.

00:58:41.000 It was during the Vietnam War.

00:58:43.000 Yeah.

00:58:44.000 It was just hippies and gay people. 0.94

00:58:45.000 It was all it was. 0.83

00:58:46.000 Wow. 0.98

00:58:47.000 My aunt used to get naked and smoke pot and play bongos with the gay couple next door. 1.00

00:58:52.000 I love that. 0.97

00:58:53.000 Yeah, it was... 0.98

00:58:54.000 Sorry, my throat is fucked up today. 0.97

00:58:56.000 I even tried drinking whiskey. 0.97

00:58:57.000 I don't know what's going on.

00:58:58.000 We were out late last night at the Vulcan doing comedy.

00:59:02.000 Oh, really?

00:59:03.000 Yeah, at a 10 o'clock show.

00:59:04.000 It didn't start until 10.30.

00:59:05.000 Didn't get home until 2. Oh, boy.

00:59:09.000 Someone should get you tea.

00:59:11.000 I don't think that's going to help.

00:59:13.000 It might.

00:59:13.000 I'm a Jewish mother.

00:59:14.000 You should drink some tea.

00:59:16.000 What about chicken soup?

00:59:17.000 That's the best.

00:59:18.000 Where are you going to get matzo bowl soup here?

00:59:19.000 Not out here.

00:59:20.000 We're in Texas.

00:59:21.000 There's not a lot of Jews out here, shockingly enough.

00:59:23.000 I know.

00:59:23.000 You got it.

00:59:24.000 There needs to be a Jewish deli in town.

00:59:26.000 There should be, right?

00:59:27.000 Yeah.

00:59:27.000 Is there one?

00:59:28.000 There's everything else here.

00:59:29.000 There has to be.

00:59:30.000 Find a Jewish deli in Austin, Texas.

00:59:32.000 You need a good matzo ball soup.

00:59:33.000 It's healing.

00:59:34.000 I'm serious.

00:59:34.000 Chicken soup is healing.

00:59:35.000 I don't like the matzo ball.

00:59:36.000 You don't have to eat that. 1.00

00:59:37.000 It's a big bowl of fucking crackers. 1.00

00:59:39.000 I know. 1.00

00:59:40.000 It's not the health...

00:59:40.000 It's gross.

00:59:41.000 That's not the important part.

00:59:42.000 It's the chicken soup.

00:59:43.000 Yeah.

00:59:43.000 The chicken soup's good.

00:59:44.000 I like chicken noodle soup.

00:59:46.000 Yeah.

00:59:46.000 But you can get it just with noodle...

00:59:47.000 I love that we're talking about that now. 0.99

00:59:49.000 Big fucking matzo ball. 0.99

00:59:51.000 I got one. 1.00

00:59:52.000 Really?

00:59:52.000 Yeah.

00:59:53.000 Does it look good?

00:59:54.000 Let's see it online.

00:59:55.000 What's it called?

00:59:57.000 Harold's?

00:59:57.000 You should get chicken soup.

00:59:59.000 I'm serious.

01:00:00.000 Well, we don't have to.

01:00:01.000 Oh, it looks good.

01:00:02.000 Oh, look at that.

01:00:02.000 Bagels.

01:00:03.000 That looks legit.

01:00:03.000 Oh, look at that.

01:00:04.000 Pastrami.

01:00:05.000 Oh, no, that's a good one.

01:00:06.000 I'm telling you.

01:00:08.000 That's in Austin.

01:00:08.000 North side of town.

01:00:09.000 Yes.

01:00:10.000 Oh, that has capers on it.

01:00:11.000 No, that's a good one.

01:00:12.000 That looks good.

01:00:13.000 I can tell.

01:00:14.000 That looks legit.

01:00:16.000 Listen, all of a sudden I'm Jewish.

01:00:17.000 That looks good.

01:00:18.000 That looks legit.

01:00:19.000 That looks wonderful.

01:00:21.000 Ballpark mustard?

01:00:22.000 Yeah.

01:00:22.000 It's from Cleveland, so it's probably good.

01:00:24.000 Oh, yeah.

01:00:24.000 There you go.

01:00:26.000 But my point was that over time, it doesn't mean anything anymore.

01:00:31.000 People let it go.

01:00:32.000 Whatever prejudice they had in the past, over generations, it becomes less prevalent.

01:00:38.000 And it seems like there's never been a time ever in our culture where being gay is more accepted.

01:00:44.000 This is the most- Absolutely.

01:00:46.000 Right now?

01:00:47.000 I don't think most people care at all.

01:00:49.000 At all.

01:00:50.000 At all.

01:00:51.000 So where's the pushback?

01:00:52.000 If anything, I've had more stuff about it than anyone in my life.

01:00:57.000 Like seriously.

01:00:58.000 In what way?

01:01:00.000 I cared a lot what people thought about me.

01:01:03.000 So when I came out, it was like very hard for me because I cared so much.

01:01:07.000 You know, I wanted to be popular and liked and I had a lot of internal homophobia.

01:01:12.000 My parents didn't even care.

01:01:14.000 You know, my dad, my mom's a liberal.

01:01:15.000 My dad was a huge Trump guy.

01:01:17.000 Like they didn't care.

01:01:18.000 They cared more how I would be treated in the world because it was years ago.

01:01:22.000 So they were worried about how I would be treated.

01:01:24.000 My mother said, I felt sad that you couldn't walk down the street holding hands with the person you loved.

01:01:31.000 Because this was like 25 years ago.

01:01:34.000 But it was hard for me.

01:01:37.000 But now, I just don't feel any kind of...

01:01:40.000 People don't care when I talk about it on stage. 0.99

01:01:43.000 They don't give a shit. 0.99

01:01:44.000 It doesn't even faze them. 1.00

01:01:45.000 It's normal.

01:01:45.000 It's like, I'm from Cleveland.

01:01:47.000 I'm gay.

01:01:48.000 It's normal.

01:01:48.000 Yeah.

01:01:49.000 People really don't give a shit. 0.99

01:01:52.000 Which is why when you say that there's some sort of a push to stop gay marriage, where's it coming from? 1.00

01:01:57.000 I don't know.

01:01:58.000 I've been reading about it.

01:01:59.000 It's the guy who did the whole abortion stuff is now supposedly, that's his new mission. 0.52

01:02:07.000 Who is this demon? 0.92

01:02:09.000 I don't know, some weird-looking white guy, obviously. 0.90

01:02:12.000 We should know who he is.

01:02:13.000 You can look it up.

01:02:14.000 It's all over Twitter.

01:02:15.000 Google weird-looking white guy who's trying to stop abortion. 0.90

01:02:19.000 Look up gay guy that hasn't come out. 1.00

01:02:21.000 Yeah. 0.98

01:02:22.000 He's trying to get rid of gay marriage. 0.99

01:02:23.000 He's doing those Pray the Gay Away things. 1.00

01:02:25.000 I read this story about a Pray the Gay Away camp where these guys would literally cuddle.

01:02:31.000 And the guy said that during this Pray the Gay Away camp, this man was behind him, holding onto him.

01:02:36.000 They were seated on the ground and he clearly had his heart on, pressed against this guy's back.

01:02:41.000 Oh my God.

01:02:41.000 And he's holding onto him.

01:02:43.000 They're talking about praying the gay away. 1.00

01:02:45.000 Is that, you know, I lived with my friend who went to a workshop to try and not be gay.

01:02:52.000 This is amazing.

01:02:54.000 Workshopped it.

01:02:55.000 No, for like a six week thing.

01:02:57.000 Wow. 0.98

01:02:58.000 And he couldn't masturbate. 1.00

01:03:00.000 He was orthodox, and if you masturbate, you waste seed. 0.99

01:03:06.000 Do you ever know that? 1.00

01:03:08.000 You're impregnating a demon in the other world. 1.00

01:03:11.000 I know, it's fucking so crazy. 1.00

01:03:13.000 Ari has a bit about it. 1.00

01:03:14.000 I know, I love talking to Ari about all this shit. 0.98

01:03:17.000 So he was going to this thing and they were telling him it's because his father passed when he was a kid. 1.00

01:03:23.000 You know, it's all this shit. 0.99

01:03:24.000 And he's not really gay and he cannot be gay. 1.00

01:03:26.000 He's the gayest person. 1.00

01:03:28.000 I mean, it's completely, hi, how are you? 1.00

01:03:30.000 You know, it's completely, I love pussy now. 0.99

01:03:34.000 I'm totally not gay anymore. 1.00

01:03:35.000 So I lived with him and he became the biggest asshole because he wasn't masturbating. 1.00

01:03:42.000 I finally said to him, if you don't jerk off soon, we're not going to be friends anymore. 1.00

01:03:45.000 Like, I'm going to jerk off. 1.00

01:03:46.000 I'm like, I haven't touched a penis in 20 years, but I will suck your dick just so that we stay friends. 1.00

01:03:52.000 Like, this is horrible. 1.00

01:03:53.000 If I was him, I would say, well, sounds like a deal.

01:03:57.000 Well, I always say I'm good at that because I'm an eater.

01:03:59.000 Yeah, that's him.

01:04:00.000 Texas abortion ban creator takes aim at marriage equality and new brief.

01:04:04.000 Look at him.

01:04:05.000 I mean, look at him.

01:04:06.000 Come on. 1.00

01:04:07.000 Just dying for dick. 1.00

01:04:08.000 Look at him. 1.00

01:04:09.000 Is he not?

01:04:10.000 I know.

01:04:11.000 Yeah, for sure.

01:04:12.000 Yeah, he's too young to wear a tie.

01:04:14.000 I don't trust him. 0.98

01:04:15.000 He looks like a dyke. 1.00

01:04:17.000 A little bit.

01:04:18.000 A little bit.

01:04:20.000 I'm going to send a video to you, Jamie.

01:04:22.000 It's like one of my favorite videos of this.

01:04:25.000 Maybe you can find it before I send it to you.

01:04:27.000 There's this guy, he is in this church, one of those serious, with the organs and everything like that, and he's talking to the pastor.

01:04:36.000 And then he yells out that he's not gay no more.

01:04:39.000 And that Jesus has saved him.

01:04:43.000 But it's amazing.

01:04:44.000 I'm gonna find it.

01:04:45.000 I'm gonna find it.

01:04:46.000 Is he really flamboyant?

01:04:48.000 That's it.

01:04:50.000 That's it.

01:04:50.000 Oh my god.

01:04:51.000 He's super flamboyant.

01:04:52.000 I'm gonna laugh so hard right now.

01:04:54.000 Give me some volume.

01:04:55.000 What did you come here for?

01:04:56.000 What did you come down here for?

01:04:57.000 Tell me.

01:04:58.000 To get delivered more.

01:04:59.000 Get delivered.

01:05:01.000 Do you believe that the Lord tonight has set you free?

01:05:06.000 Yes, sir.

01:05:08.000 Turn around and tell those people.

01:05:10.000 Tell them. 0.78

01:05:12.000 I'm not gay no more. 0.94

01:05:14.000 I am delivered. 0.98

01:05:16.000 I don't like men no more.

01:05:19.000 I said I like women. 1.00

01:05:21.000 Women, women, women.

01:05:23.000 I said women. 0.99

01:05:25.000 I'm not gay.

01:05:27.000 I would not be a man.

01:05:30.000 Look at those guys backing up when he gets close.

01:05:33.000 He's hard.

01:05:34.000 I will.

01:05:36.000 I will.

01:05:37.000 Love.

01:05:39.000 A woman.

01:05:40.000 A woman.

01:05:41.000 A woman.

01:05:42.000 They're all going to get in it.

01:05:48.000 Watch this.

01:05:49.000 They haven't started yet.

01:05:50.000 Do they do the bomb?

01:05:52.000 Or you ought to stop preaching it.

01:05:55.000 If you can't praise God with him, you're an unbeliever.

01:06:00.000 Let somebody believe God with him.

01:06:03.000 Here we go.

01:06:03.000 Black churches are the best.

01:06:05.000 Look.

01:06:05.000 They get that music going.

01:06:06.000 Here we go.

01:06:08.000 Here we go.

01:06:11.000 Look at them.

01:06:13.000 They're all dancing together.

01:06:15.000 Look at this.

01:06:20.000 Look at them. 0.98

01:06:23.000 I would go to church if it was a black church. 0.98

01:06:26.000 Let me tell you something. 0.98

01:06:27.000 I want to go every Sunday to a black church. 1.00

01:06:29.000 Dude, they're having a good fucking time. 1.00

01:06:32.000 If all you have to do is praise the Lord to have this kind of a good time, why wouldn't you? 1.00

01:06:37.000 Look at that guy.

01:06:39.000 He's not buying it.

01:06:40.000 That guy thinks he's bowling.

01:06:42.000 He thinks he's bowling.

01:06:45.000 Where's the lanes?

01:06:48.000 Is it my turn to ball?

01:06:49.000 Oh my god, keep going.

01:06:51.000 I think it gets better.

01:06:52.000 I got a problem here.

01:06:54.000 I got a problem.

01:06:55.000 I gotta get out of here.

01:06:56.000 Because I gotta get up early too and put that long robe on.

01:06:59.000 I got a problem though.

01:07:01.000 It still looks like he's alone.

01:07:04.000 What?

01:07:04.000 And whether you know it or not, the devil ain't gonna leave him alone.

01:07:08.000 I wish I had some shown-up believers that'll come down here and dance with them and tell them you can do it in the name of Jesus!

01:07:19.000 Oh my God, this is...

01:07:21.000 Can you send this to me?

01:07:22.000 I'm watching this every day.

01:07:23.000 Look, they're huddling with them.

01:07:25.000 All men!

01:07:25.000 There's a guy behind them.

01:07:26.000 No women! 1.00

01:07:28.000 All men. 0.93

01:07:28.000 Oh my God, they're all... 0.93

01:07:30.000 They're doing a circle jerk. 0.99

01:07:32.000 It's a pile-on. 0.97

01:07:34.000 Oh, there's some women games. 1.00

01:07:37.000 The women just want to watch. 1.00

01:07:42.000 Oh, you heard the Lord.

01:07:47.000 The Lord just told him that.

01:07:55.000 Look at those two guys hugging each other and dancing together. 0.98

01:08:02.000 They're turning everybody gay. 0.99

01:08:04.000 They don't even know it. 0.69

01:08:06.000 It's having the desired effect in the opposite way.

01:08:10.000 Look at this.

01:08:13.000 They start rimming.

01:08:14.000 Those guys are about to make out.

01:08:16.000 Those guys behind them, everyone's ignored them.

01:08:19.000 They're slow dancing.

01:08:20.000 Why are they still hugging?

01:08:22.000 They're hugging and rocking.

01:08:24.000 They're rocking back and forth.

01:08:28.000 The cameraman had to cut away.

01:08:31.000 See, those guys behind the picture are disturbing.

01:08:33.000 Look at them.

01:08:40.000 Look at them.

01:08:40.000 Look, they're still hugging.

01:08:42.000 Yes.

01:08:42.000 Yeah.

01:08:46.000 Wild.

01:08:51.000 Pray to get away.

01:08:52.000 What just happened?

01:08:54.000 Wait, Joe, you just missed that.

01:08:55.000 The guy you were looking at, he fell.

01:08:57.000 He probably came.

01:08:57.000 No, two of them.

01:08:58.000 Watch.

01:08:58.000 Right here.

01:08:59.000 He probably came and lost his consciousness.

01:09:01.000 He fell.

01:09:03.000 Here we go.

01:09:03.000 Two of them fell down.

01:09:05.000 Look.

01:09:06.000 I'm a nut on my pants. 0.99

01:09:07.000 He looks like he's nutting. 0.99

01:09:08.000 Look, he's nutting. 0.89

01:09:09.000 Oh, my God. 0.85

01:09:09.000 He's leaning into him. 0.85

01:09:10.000 Oh, my God.

01:09:11.000 And then he falls. 1.00

01:09:11.000 He's leaning into him dick first. 1.00

01:09:14.000 You saw that, right? 1.00

01:09:15.000 Back it up.

01:09:16.000 Two of them fell.

01:09:17.000 Two of them fell.

01:09:18.000 He's literally like he's coming.

01:09:20.000 Watch, look.

01:09:21.000 He's bucking into it.

01:09:22.000 Look.

01:09:22.000 He's bucking into him.

01:09:24.000 They're going penis to penis. 1.00

01:09:26.000 They're holding. 1.00

01:09:27.000 The guy just came in his pants.

01:09:31.000 And he wants to black out because they don't have no responsibility.

01:09:34.000 He turned around.

01:09:35.000 Yeah, like the devil did that.

01:09:36.000 I didn't have nothing to do with that. 1.00

01:09:37.000 Fucking devil. 0.99

01:09:41.000 I think that all the comics should go to a gospel church here. 1.00

01:09:46.000 It would be great.

01:09:47.000 And film the whole thing.

01:09:48.000 Yeah, but we have to not make a mockery out of it.

01:09:52.000 No!

01:09:52.000 Yeah, we have to respect it.

01:09:53.000 No, we just, yes.

01:09:55.000 We sit in our seats.

01:09:56.000 Just dance.

01:09:56.000 Yeah, and hold up handkerchiefs.

01:09:58.000 I'll wear a big fucking hat. 1.00

01:10:00.000 That looks like a good fucking time. 1.00

01:10:01.000 Do you know how much I love gospel? 0.99

01:10:03.000 I listen to it in the car when I'm driving to road gigs.

01:10:05.000 Really?

01:10:06.000 Yes.

01:10:07.000 I love it. 1.00

01:10:08.000 That's your shit? 1.00

01:10:08.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:10:09.000 It's very powerful.

01:10:11.000 It is, but how'd you get started with that?

01:10:13.000 Because I like the way, I just love gospel music.

01:10:20.000 I don't know, women. 1.00

01:10:21.000 I like the women singers.

01:10:22.000 Oh, okay.

01:10:23.000 Yeah.

01:10:24.000 You should listen to it.

01:10:25.000 It sounds great.

01:10:26.000 It's like that.

01:10:27.000 Yeah.

01:10:27.000 It's really great.

01:10:29.000 It gets me upbeat and it's very spiritual.

01:10:31.000 Well, I love anything where people are super enthusiastic.

01:10:34.000 Well, that's what it is.

01:10:35.000 Yeah.

01:10:36.000 They're enthusiastic about it.

01:10:37.000 It's like, believe, believe in yourself.

01:10:39.000 Like, it's very upbeat.

01:10:41.000 Look at you.

01:10:41.000 You could sing a little bit, huh?

01:10:42.000 Yeah, a little bit.

01:10:43.000 A little bit.

01:10:44.000 Maybe you could join up there and be a witness.

01:10:47.000 Isn't that right?

01:10:48.000 Isn't that right?

01:10:49.000 Testify?

01:10:49.000 You could testify?

01:10:51.000 Testify!

01:10:52.000 Is that what it's called?

01:10:53.000 What is it supposed to say when you get up and you proclaim your love for Jesus?

01:10:56.000 You have to testify.

01:10:57.000 Testify.

01:10:58.000 That's it, right?

01:11:00.000 No.

01:11:01.000 Jesse, get up there and testify.

01:11:02.000 Yeah, they can just...

01:11:03.000 Don't they, like, just punch you in the head or something and then you get...

01:11:06.000 They change you?

01:11:07.000 Sometimes.

01:11:08.000 Yeah.

01:11:10.000 Yeah, they can touch you and, you know, you get healed and stuff.

01:11:14.000 And, like, some people, like, they fall down and they start spasming on the ground.

01:11:19.000 You have a seizure?

01:11:20.000 Yeah.

01:11:20.000 Do you know there's a real problem with that in martial arts?

01:11:23.000 Like, there's a whole branch of martial arts that's completely fake, and it's based on a bunch of people, like, touching people with magic, and the people, like, fall down, like, all their disciples.

01:11:38.000 In martial arts?

01:11:39.000 Yeah.

01:11:40.000 Yeah, there's quite a few websites that are dedicated to it.

01:11:44.000 McDojo is one of them.

01:11:47.000 McDojo...

01:11:47.000 What?

01:11:50.000 I don't think it worked.

01:11:51.000 What do you mean?

01:11:52.000 He's back?

01:11:53.000 Oh, Jesus.

01:11:55.000 Who's that?

01:11:56.000 Is that the guy?

01:11:57.000 He's Mr. Delivered.

01:11:59.000 Let's say now.

01:12:00.000 Mr. Deliver It is an internet sensation known for his famous I Am Deliver It video.

01:12:06.000 I like how they say it.

01:12:07.000 They spell it deliver and then a T. Deliver It.

01:12:11.000 Went viral in 2014. Text him.

01:12:13.000 He's got his phone number out. 1.00

01:12:14.000 He's just trolling for dick. 1.00

01:12:16.000 Oh my God. 1.00

01:12:17.000 He's trolling for dick. 1.00

01:12:18.000 Look at him. 1.00

01:12:19.000 What's that picture right there?

01:12:20.000 Click on that one.

01:12:20.000 He's got something in his hand.

01:12:22.000 Is it a dick? 1.00

01:12:23.000 A microphone. 1.00

01:12:24.000 Oh, it's a microphone.

01:12:25.000 Yeah.

01:12:26.000 Yeah, it didn't work.

01:12:28.000 Does he say it didn't work?

01:12:29.000 No, but...

01:12:32.000 Wow.

01:12:34.000 Is that him with the hat?

01:12:36.000 What is all this?

01:12:36.000 This one is, yeah.

01:12:38.000 Oh my goodness.

01:12:42.000 Okay.

01:12:42.000 Alright.

01:12:43.000 I'm confused.

01:12:44.000 He does fake martial arts?

01:12:46.000 Well, no, no.

01:12:47.000 No, no, no.

01:12:49.000 There's a whole, you know, we're talking about touching, people touching people, and they're like, I'm healed!

01:12:53.000 And they fall to the ground, spills out.

01:12:56.000 There's a whole branch of martial arts, like this, like, death touch, power, chi-type martial arts.

01:13:03.000 It's totally fake.

01:13:04.000 And they have these followers that are basically cult members.

01:13:08.000 And so the master will do this to one of the followers, and the followers will start spasming and falling down on the ground, very much like a revival church session.

01:13:17.000 And there's like...

01:13:20.000 Thousands of videos of this.

01:13:22.000 There's these schools that are all over the world that are just involved in fake martial arts.

01:13:30.000 Make Dojo Life?

01:13:31.000 Oh, here's one.

01:13:33.000 I had to Google search it together.

01:13:35.000 All right, here we go.

01:13:35.000 So this guy's got a knife, and he can't cut this guy because this guy has magic, and he puts it down.

01:13:42.000 So this is from all over the world.

01:13:44.000 I see.

01:13:44.000 So you see he's doing voodoo on him.

01:13:48.000 And he can't go near them.

01:13:49.000 That's just one.

01:13:50.000 But there's many of them.

01:13:52.000 Like, go to that one right there.

01:13:53.000 Oh, this one was a different thing.

01:13:55.000 Okay.

01:13:56.000 There's a lot of them.

01:13:57.000 This one, that's a good one.

01:13:58.000 That's a good one.

01:13:58.000 Watch this one.

01:13:59.000 Look, this guy touches people in the chest and they, like, fall down on the ground.

01:14:02.000 Look, it's so obviously fake.

01:14:04.000 Look at him.

01:14:04.000 Look at his face.

01:14:05.000 Look how fat he is. 0.98

01:14:06.000 Look how fat that guy is. 0.97

01:14:07.000 Look, I thought she was full of him.

01:14:09.000 He just ate a big... 1.00

01:14:12.000 That guy is teaching something called Sistema, and Sistema is a Russian version of this fake shit. 0.99

01:14:19.000 And all these people just don't have any friends, and they're just like, oh, hang out. 0.98

01:14:24.000 Like, look at him in the background, like, leaning back, and look at him, yawning.

01:14:29.000 Like, yeah, I don't have any friends.

01:14:30.000 By the way, this looks like a Saturday Night Live sketch.

01:14:32.000 It does.

01:14:33.000 Like, it's so funny.

01:14:35.000 There's so many of them, though.

01:14:37.000 And McDojoLife on Instagram.

01:14:39.000 And there's another one, Fake Black Belts. 1.00

01:14:41.000 And they all...

01:14:43.000 This guy's dedicated to showing all the...

01:14:47.000 Oh, that's amazing!

01:14:49.000 He just gives him a head nod.

01:14:51.000 The guy stops at his tracks.

01:14:52.000 Watch this.

01:14:53.000 Ha! 0.89

01:14:58.000 It's so weird.

01:14:59.000 But there's, I mean, thousands of these videos, I'm sure.

01:15:04.000 But McDojo Life does an amazing job of curating them.

01:15:07.000 But it's incredible how many frauds there are out there in this martial arts community.

01:15:13.000 There's so many of them.

01:15:15.000 You know there's people on YouTube lip-syncing comics acts now.

01:15:18.000 It's a big thing.

01:15:19.000 Oh boy.

01:15:21.000 I keep hearing about it, and they're going viral.

01:15:23.000 Oh boy.

01:15:24.000 They're getting famous from lip-syncing comics acts.

01:15:26.000 Oh.

01:15:27.000 Like a huge thing right now on YouTube.

01:15:30.000 It's not TikTok?

01:15:32.000 I mean, on TikTok.

01:15:34.000 Oh, I knew it.

01:15:34.000 That's what I meant.

01:15:35.000 It's too stupid for YouTube. 1.00

01:15:36.000 That's what I meant. 1.00

01:15:37.000 I don't know why I was focusing on that guy just nodding and making someone fall down.

01:15:42.000 TikTok is like...

01:15:43.000 That's happening. 1.00

01:15:44.000 Everybody was like, oh my god, this generation's so stupid. 1.00

01:15:46.000 And TikTok was like, hold my beer. 1.00

01:15:48.000 Yep.

01:15:49.000 We're gonna show you. 1.00

01:15:50.000 We're gonna show you how dumb people really are. 0.99

01:15:52.000 Yeah, they're taking someone's joke, lip-syncing the whole thing, and then they'll get millions of views. 0.99

01:15:57.000 How does that work, though?

01:15:59.000 Like, if they do one of your bits, it's your intellectual property.

01:16:03.000 I don't know how it works, but they can do it.

01:16:06.000 They're not owned by China anymore, right?

01:16:08.000 I don't know!

01:16:11.000 That was so serious how I just said that.

01:16:14.000 Are you on it?

01:16:15.000 Yes.

01:16:15.000 Are you really?

01:16:16.000 I post a ton of crowd work videos.

01:16:18.000 That's my thing.

01:16:19.000 Ah, that's a good move.

01:16:20.000 Yeah.

01:16:21.000 I post them almost every day, crowd work stuff.

01:16:24.000 But let me tell you something.

01:16:25.000 I'll get suspended for a week for saying the word threesome. 1.00

01:16:28.000 Meanwhile, my daughter's 14-year-old friends will show pictures of their asshole and nothing happens. 1.00

01:16:35.000 I don't understand. 1.00

01:16:37.000 It's crazy.

01:16:37.000 Did you get suspended for saying threesome?

01:16:39.000 I got my video taken down and suspended for the third time because I said threesome in a video.

01:16:45.000 That's the only thing I said that was off-color.

01:16:47.000 If it hits the third time, is that three strikes?

01:16:51.000 No, I didn't get suspended for good, but I'm being watched.

01:16:55.000 Threesome?

01:16:56.000 That was the only thing I said that was not okay.

01:16:58.000 Someone reported me.

01:16:59.000 See, this is my point.

01:17:00.000 It's like these mass, these very popular media websites, like they always censor.

01:17:07.000 They get to a point where they have to censor.

01:17:08.000 Well, they're bad.

01:17:09.000 They're very extreme with censoring.

01:17:11.000 You know what's really crazy?

01:17:12.000 Twitter. 0.94

01:17:13.000 Because Twitter censors a lot, and they censor based on political discourse, ideological discourse, but they have hardcore porn. 0.70

01:17:23.000 I know!

01:17:26.000 I'm serious!

01:17:29.000 Hardcore! 1.00

01:17:29.000 Like, ass-fucking. 1.00

01:17:31.000 Joe, I'm not kidding! 1.00

01:17:31.000 Coming in mouths. 1.00

01:17:33.000 I know!

01:17:33.000 Yeah, like, mouths open, ropes of jizzing.

01:17:37.000 Yes.

01:17:37.000 Yeah.

01:17:38.000 I just saw a video of that two days ago.

01:17:41.000 Just gagging.

01:17:43.000 I went through...

01:17:44.000 You didn't see all of it.

01:17:45.000 I was going through the homepage and I'm like, whoa, I didn't expect to see this.

01:17:49.000 Yeah, I can't.

01:17:50.000 Like, if my kids grab my phone and they start, like, going through Twitter, I'm like, hey!

01:17:54.000 Yeah.

01:17:55.000 How is that on there?

01:17:58.000 Why isn't it on there?

01:17:59.000 That's my question.

01:18:00.000 Like, I'm fine with it being on there.

01:18:01.000 No, I'm okay with it being on there, but why is that okay?

01:18:05.000 But I'm an adult, right?

01:18:06.000 Yeah.

01:18:07.000 I don't think...

01:18:08.000 I mean, I think there's probably been studies on children's exposure to pornography and the detrimental effects of it.

01:18:15.000 I'm sure there happened, right?

01:18:17.000 A ton.

01:18:17.000 It can't be good.

01:18:18.000 It's not good because that's what they expect.

01:18:21.000 Right.

01:18:22.000 Meaning, when our kids hook up, they go right to certain things instead of how we went to first base, second base. 1.00

01:18:31.000 They're like, can I pound your asshole? 1.00

01:18:33.000 Exactly. 1.00

01:18:34.000 Right away. 0.98

01:18:35.000 I read a study about the increase in anal sex activity Amongst young kids. 0.97

01:18:42.000 And it was like off the charts.

01:18:43.000 But part of me was like, if you're a scientist, why are you studying that?

01:18:47.000 Like imagine.

01:18:48.000 You're like, I want to cure cancer. 0.99

01:18:50.000 Oh, I want to study kids buttfucking. 1.00

01:18:52.000 How many kids are answering that honestly too? 0.98

01:18:55.000 I was. 0.99

01:18:56.000 Yeah, buttfuck all day. 1.00

01:18:58.000 That's all I'm doing is buttfucking. 1.00

01:18:59.000 Fuck your mom. 1.00

01:19:00.000 Yeah, who cares about kids' cancer? 1.00

01:19:02.000 I want to know about that. 1.00

01:19:03.000 Well, I remember when I was a kid, we would hear stories about girls who wanted to maintain their virginity, so they would let their boyfriend fuck them in the ass. 1.00

01:19:10.000 That's the big thing. 1.00

01:19:11.000 That's not how it works.

01:19:11.000 I was just about to tell you that, but that's what they're doing.

01:19:15.000 In the suburbs...

01:19:17.000 In the suburbs in Jersey.

01:19:19.000 Where they're less sophisticated.

01:19:20.000 Where I grew up.

01:19:20.000 I'm not kidding.

01:19:21.000 They'll do anal because they can't get pregnant. 1.00

01:19:23.000 That's their thinking. 1.00

01:19:24.000 But it's also they maintain their virginity. 0.97

01:19:27.000 Like it doesn't count.

01:19:27.000 Right.

01:19:28.000 Exactly.

01:19:28.000 Well, that's also they don't break the hymen.

01:19:31.000 Oh.

01:19:32.000 Yeah.

01:19:34.000 We're still living with the echoes of our Puritan past.

01:19:38.000 Yeah.

01:19:39.000 But then it's like being overrun by the tidal wave of pornography on kids' phones.

01:19:46.000 Because everyone has a phone now. 1.00

01:19:47.000 If you give a kid a phone, you're saying, hey, little fella, go watch people fuck. 1.00

01:19:52.000 Right? 1.00

01:19:53.000 Of course!

01:19:54.000 What do you think they're watching?

01:19:56.000 This world is a mess.

01:19:58.000 Yeah, it is a mess.

01:19:59.000 But it's pretty awesome.

01:20:00.000 It's amazing, but it's going to end soon.

01:20:03.000 Do you think it's going to end soon?

01:20:05.000 I don't think it's going to end, but I don't know what's going to happen.

01:20:08.000 I'm pretty happy.

01:20:09.000 I've never been happier in my life.

01:20:11.000 Really?

01:20:12.000 Things are okay.

01:20:13.000 Yeah.

01:20:13.000 I like a little bit of chaos.

01:20:15.000 The thing about everything falling apart and people going wacky and crazy and screaming at people from a mile away to put their mask on, I like it.

01:20:23.000 There's a part of me that enjoys it.

01:20:25.000 Do you like being in the center of attention? 0.98

01:20:29.000 Having people go after you with all this stuff with the virus and all this other shit? 0.97

01:20:39.000 Do you like that? 0.97

01:20:39.000 Does it stress you out? 0.97

01:20:41.000 I don't pay attention.

01:20:42.000 Do you read anything?

01:20:43.000 No.

01:20:44.000 I don't read anything about me.

01:20:46.000 I don't read a lot either.

01:20:47.000 I don't think you can when you get to the position that I'm in.

01:20:50.000 I think it's unhealthy.

01:20:52.000 And I think the people that do, they wind up going crazy.

01:20:54.000 It's one of the things you see about celebrities. 0.99

01:20:57.000 There's a certain level of celebrity where the re-entry pressure is too hard on the hull and the spaceship falls apart.

01:21:06.000 They just can't take it.

01:21:08.000 But if you just change your focus, it's not really that many people that are mad at you.

01:21:15.000 It's like an illusion.

01:21:16.000 It's like a few thousand people that are mad.

01:21:18.000 But that's out of hundreds of millions.

01:21:21.000 I know.

01:21:23.000 3,000 tweets about you on Twitter.

01:21:25.000 You're like, oh my god, the world's ending. 0.99

01:21:27.000 No, it's 3,000 shut-ins that are emotionally stunted fucking weirdos who are angry at you for whatever, and most of it's not real, and most of it would be resolved if you were in a face-to-face conversation with them. 0.99

01:21:39.000 Right. 0.99

01:21:40.000 Because they would realize you're just a person.

01:21:41.000 Having a conversation.

01:21:44.000 Yeah.

01:21:44.000 There's no conversation.

01:21:45.000 It's basically, Louis C.K. said this to me once about things talking on the internet and people talking on the internet.

01:21:51.000 It really resonated.

01:21:52.000 He goes, when you see something written on Twitter, he goes, it's because it's written, it's shocking, but it's talk.

01:21:59.000 It's just talk.

01:22:00.000 People do that all the time. 1.00

01:22:02.000 They talk shit about people all the time. 1.00

01:22:04.000 If someone is at the store and someone says something like, Mike, that fucking guy, he sucks. 1.00

01:22:10.000 He's fucking terrible. 1.00

01:22:11.000 But you see it written down and Mike reads that and he's like, oh my god, I suck. 1.00

01:22:15.000 I'm fucking terrible. 0.97

01:22:16.000 The person who said it might not even mean it, and they only said it because you're not there, right? 0.98

01:22:20.000 It's the same thing with typing.

01:22:21.000 They type it out on Twitter, and people read it, and they get this weird thrill out of attacking people that they're throwing a rock over the fence and listening for a window break, and exciting, I broke something.

01:22:35.000 It's part of the thing, because it's completely alien and completely out of...

01:22:43.000 The history of the human race.

01:22:45.000 For a human being to be able to communicate instantaneously with a human being through text where they're not even there.

01:22:54.000 They're not writing a letter and pushing it across the table or sending it through the mail.

01:22:58.000 They're just communicating through text that instantaneously gets to you.

01:23:02.000 And they're anonymous?

01:23:03.000 They have an egg for a profile and they might even be... 0.66

01:23:07.000 I put this thing up on Instagram yesterday about 19 of the top 20 Christian websites that are on Facebook are run by Russian troll farms.

01:23:23.000 19 of the top 20. Jamie, I'll send you the article.

01:23:26.000 Have you seen the article?

01:23:27.000 I didn't see that.

01:23:28.000 The reason why I'm asking is because I don't know if you know my stepbrother, Zach Braff.

01:23:33.000 Yes, that's your stepbrother?

01:23:34.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:23:35.000 No shit. 0.97

01:23:35.000 Yeah, for 35 years. 0.97

01:23:37.000 Longer than that.

01:23:38.000 I met him at the store one night.

01:23:39.000 Oh, really?

01:23:40.000 Yeah.

01:23:41.000 Many years ago.

01:23:41.000 He's a great person.

01:23:42.000 He's amazing.

01:23:43.000 But anyway, I remember him telling me years ago, like, I don't read anything.

01:23:46.000 And I'm like, that's so smart. 0.99

01:23:48.000 Like, you know, because I feel like a lot of people do sit and look at this shit. 1.00

01:23:51.000 And I'm like, you can't. 1.00

01:23:52.000 Yeah.

01:23:53.000 Here it is.

01:23:54.000 2019, almost all of Facebook's top Christian pages were run by foreign troll forums. 0.56

01:23:58.000 Oh, my God. 0.85

01:23:59.000 That's insane.

01:24:02.000 Well...

01:24:02.000 I had this guy Mike Baker on a couple days ago, who's a former CIA operative.

01:24:07.000 He's explaining that what they're trying to do, what Russia and China is trying to do to America, is just keep us at each other's throats and encourage dissent, encourage a distrust in the political system.

01:24:22.000 He was saying that when they were talking about Russia, that Russia wanted Trump to win or Russia wanted Hillary to win.

01:24:27.000 He goes, no, no, no.

01:24:28.000 What Russia wants is us to lose all faith in our electoral process.

01:24:32.000 They want us to lose all faith.

01:24:34.000 They're doing a good job.

01:24:36.000 They are.

01:24:36.000 And we're helping them.

01:24:37.000 We're helping them.

01:24:38.000 We're making it just as bad.

01:24:41.000 Yeah, that doesn't surprise me at all.

01:24:44.000 But that's crazy.

01:24:45.000 It's crazy. 0.96

01:24:47.000 Almost all of them, almost all the top pages run by Russian troll farms. 0.96

01:24:52.000 That's troll farms. 0.92

01:24:54.000 And they really are troll farms.

01:24:57.000 I had a woman on a few years back.

01:25:00.000 Her name is Renee DiResta, and she did a study of all of these Russian troll farms and memes.

01:25:07.000 There's a place in Russia called the Internet Research Agency, and all they do is create pages And then post memes and have things on these pages like it could be a Black Lives Matter page or it could be a Texas separatist page.

01:25:21.000 It could be a pro-life page or it could be a pro-choice page.

01:25:26.000 It doesn't matter to them. 0.99

01:25:27.000 What they're trying to do is get as many people engaged as possible and then stir shit up. 0.95

01:25:33.000 So if they have a pro-life page, they'll have a pro-life page. 0.97

01:25:37.000 And then they'll have a Russian troll will jump into their pro-life page where they've got all these people engaged in this pro-life talk.

01:25:44.000 And then someone will come in and start talking about, I've had 27 abortions.

01:25:47.000 I can't wait to have my 28th.

01:25:49.000 They'll have a...

01:25:50.000 And they're like, ah!

01:25:51.000 The devil!

01:25:52.000 And they'll get these people really fired up.

01:25:55.000 They'll get them fired up about what's happening on the border.

01:25:58.000 They'll make up stories about the Haitians. 0.99

01:26:00.000 They're all coming in with AIDS. There's a manifesto. 0.99

01:26:04.000 They're trying to fuck all your kids. 1.00

01:26:05.000 And how do you even stop that? 1.00

01:26:07.000 You can't.

01:26:08.000 It's impossible.

01:26:09.000 The managing at scale, and this is the thing, people criticize YouTube and they criticize Facebook and all these social media platforms, but the reality is these people are managing at scale and they're dealing with billions and billions and billions of human beings that are posting content all day long.

01:26:27.000 There's no way to handle it.

01:26:28.000 And when you have these foreign companies We're good to go. 1.00

01:26:48.000 The government controls that.

01:26:50.000 So what they do is their whole plan is this slow buildup of dissent and separation in America.

01:26:58.000 They're wedging this gigantic ideological – they're shoving this wedge in between our culture.

01:27:07.000 They're separating the left and the right.

01:27:09.000 They're making people more polarized.

01:27:10.000 They're making people more galvanized to whatever their thoughts are.

01:27:15.000 It's wild.

01:27:16.000 What do you think is going to happen?

01:27:18.000 That's a very general question, but seriously.

01:27:21.000 This is what I think could fix it all.

01:27:22.000 What?

01:27:24.000 Legalization of psychedelic drugs.

01:27:26.000 Really?

01:27:27.000 Yes, 100%.

01:27:28.000 I really do believe that.

01:27:29.000 Because it's the thing that keeps me from falling into that.

01:27:32.000 I don't buy into it at all.

01:27:35.000 And I think one of the reasons why I don't buy into it is because I've had so many psychedelic trips.

01:27:40.000 Do you do the ayahuasca thing?

01:27:42.000 I haven't done that.

01:27:42.000 I've done DMT. I know a lot of people who are doing that.

01:27:45.000 A lot of people are doing it with great success.

01:27:47.000 The thing about the ayahuasca thing, it's like you've got to go to a place.

01:27:51.000 It takes a long time.

01:27:53.000 There's MDMA therapies that they're doing right now with soldiers that have had PTSD that's been incredibly successful.

01:27:59.000 That's a really interesting psychedelic because MDMA relieves a lot of your anxiety and it makes you very loving and it just drops all of your insecurities.

01:28:09.000 And that's helping a lot of soldiers.

01:28:11.000 And then there's 5-methoxy DMT, there's DMT, there's psilocybin.

01:28:16.000 Ketamine.

01:28:17.000 Yeah, ketamine, which has been great for people with depression.

01:28:22.000 Yep.

01:28:22.000 I think there's a lot of these things that can help alleviate a lot of the tension and anxiety.

01:28:28.000 And the thing about psychedelics, like generally speaking, is very general, but...

01:28:32.000 They bring people closer together.

01:28:34.000 They make people feel humble in the face of these overwhelming experiences and they make people realize that we're kind of all in this together and the only thing that really counts is love.

01:28:45.000 And the reason why people lash out online, like most of them, don't have any love.

01:28:49.000 They're missing love.

01:28:50.000 It's one of the reasons why I don't do it.

01:28:52.000 My life is filled with love.

01:28:53.000 I'm very lucky.

01:28:54.000 That's why I don't do it.

01:28:56.000 But the people that do do it, I see them and I say they're probably sad.

01:29:00.000 And it's fear.

01:29:01.000 They're constantly in fear.

01:29:03.000 And they're trying to hurt people.

01:29:04.000 They're trying to hurt other people because they're hurt or they're not...

01:29:07.000 Hurt people hurt people.

01:29:08.000 Yeah.

01:29:08.000 Hurt people hurt people.

01:29:09.000 Yeah.

01:29:10.000 Well, I think...

01:29:12.000 Psychedelic drugs and I don't even like to say drugs because drugs you fall into this blanket of a bunch of shit that's has completely different psychoactive effects on the mind but Psychedelic compounds I think could have a significant impact on the way we see the world and the way we treat each other I really do I really really think that that could have a huge shift Whether it's microdosing, 0.54

01:29:35.000 just to change the tone of general everyday society but still remaining functional and being able to, you know, compete in the marketplace and do your art and, you know, take care of your kids.

01:29:47.000 There's a lot of things that people can do that can enhance everyday life.

01:29:51.000 It's based on these compounds that we already know exist.

01:29:55.000 Yeah.

01:29:56.000 I totally get it.

01:29:57.000 And it's amazing to me what people think just from reading stuff online or seeing a video or reading a tweet, you know?

01:30:03.000 Like, I was at the creek in the cave, and I had never met you before.

01:30:08.000 And, you know, you came up to me and sat down with me, and I'm like, oh my god, he...

01:30:12.000 And I know this just from being in the business for so long, but I'm like, what a nice, sweet, regular guy.

01:30:18.000 Like, you literally just sat down with me, and I felt like I had met you 50 times, and you were just...

01:30:23.000 Thank you.

01:30:24.000 I felt the same way about you.

01:30:26.000 So kind and genuine and humble.

01:30:28.000 Like really normal.

01:30:29.000 You know?

01:30:30.000 You really were.

01:30:31.000 And I love that.

01:30:32.000 What did you expect?

01:30:34.000 I don't know.

01:30:35.000 I mean, you know, sometimes people are just a little off, wall up, you know, distant, not eye contact, a little off.

01:30:45.000 Like, you were very, like, had eye contact, genuine, like, just like a buddy.

01:30:50.000 Like, I've met you.

01:30:51.000 You know, you were very, quote-unquote, normal to me.

01:30:54.000 And that's not always common.

01:30:56.000 Well, you're a comic.

01:30:57.000 Right.

01:30:57.000 You're my tribe.

01:30:58.000 Right, I get it.

01:30:59.000 Yeah, that's how I am too.

01:31:00.000 Yeah, I sought you out.

01:31:01.000 I wish more comics were like that, but yes.

01:31:03.000 Yeah, when I found out you were there, I sought you out.

01:31:05.000 I know.

01:31:05.000 I noticed it.

01:31:06.000 You came right over to me and sat with me and just talked like we had met.

01:31:11.000 But that's what I want.

01:31:13.000 People might not know that. 0.99

01:31:15.000 They just read shit or whatever about famous people. 0.99

01:31:19.000 It bothers me. 1.00

01:31:21.000 Well, because it's an untouchable position.

01:31:24.000 It's unreachable.

01:31:25.000 They think of them themselves being in that spot and they can't imagine it.

01:31:29.000 It's so far away from their reality that they assume that anybody who gets to that point is compromised.

01:31:34.000 You sold your soul to the devil and, you know, all these different things.

01:31:39.000 They feel like you're not a person anymore. 0.99

01:31:41.000 Which is so ridiculous.

01:31:43.000 It is, but there's oftentimes when people do meet famous people, they do encounter walls. 0.78

01:31:50.000 They feel like this person has a wall. 1.00

01:31:52.000 And some of it's because the people that are talking are idiots. 1.00

01:31:54.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:31:55.000 And they're just bumbling fucking dorks who just Can I get a picture holding your tits? 1.00

01:32:01.000 I know. 1.00

01:32:02.000 People are nuts, right? 1.00

01:32:04.000 And they don't know. 1.00

01:32:05.000 And also, people don't know how to react around.

01:32:08.000 Like, I remember the first time I ever met Anthony Bourdain.

01:32:11.000 I said, my wife says you're my boyfriend.

01:32:15.000 I'm like, oh my God.

01:32:16.000 Was he like, what? 1.00

01:32:17.000 I'm just like, what the fuck? 1.00

01:32:18.000 Because my wife used to say, oh, you're watching your boyfriend on TV. She would always joke around because I loved that No Reservation show. 1.00

01:32:25.000 So I said that to him.

01:32:25.000 It came out totally wrong.

01:32:29.000 But he's a guy I really admired, and here he is.

01:32:32.000 He's right there, and you're all uncomfortable and weird.

01:32:35.000 And so people are going to be like that with you.

01:32:37.000 I bet he was so down to earth.

01:32:39.000 He's super normal.

01:32:40.000 Yeah.

01:32:40.000 He was great.

01:32:41.000 So was De Niro.

01:32:42.000 Really?

01:32:43.000 Yeah.

01:32:44.000 What'd you do with De Niro?

01:32:45.000 Oh, Joe, this is the best story.

01:32:47.000 I was at the cellar late at night, and he was there with Taylor Hackford.

01:32:51.000 Who's that?

01:32:52.000 He's a huge director, married to Helen Mirren.

01:32:55.000 He was the head of the Directors Guild, directed Ray in Officer and a Gentleman, like a huge amount of movies, huge.

01:33:03.000 And De Niro was looking for comics to be in his movie.

01:33:06.000 And I was doing a set, and I do this thing in my act where I turn around and talk to myself.

01:33:13.000 My special's called Talking to Myself, where I have an inner dialogue.

01:33:17.000 And I'm like, doesn't matter how this goes, you'll never make it.

01:33:20.000 You know, like I have a whole...

01:33:21.000 Right, right, right.

01:33:21.000 I put my back to the audience.

01:33:24.000 And he loved it. 1.00

01:33:27.000 And I went to Florida to do an old-age community fucking Jewish show. 1.00

01:33:32.000 Oh, boy. 0.99

01:33:33.000 Yeah, and that Saturday I get a call...

01:33:35.000 And it's Taylor Hackford.

01:33:37.000 And he's like, this is Taylor Hackford.

01:33:38.000 And I'm like, okay, I had no idea who the hell he was.

01:33:41.000 And he's like, Bob would like to meet with you on Wednesday.

01:33:43.000 And I'm like, Bob who?

01:33:47.000 I had no idea.

01:33:49.000 I'm like, Bob the Builder.

01:33:50.000 I had no idea.

01:33:51.000 He's like, Bob De Niro.

01:33:52.000 And I'm like, okay.

01:33:54.000 So I'm like, I can make it.

01:33:56.000 So I walk into the office and I walk in the room and he's sitting there.

01:34:02.000 And I was not starstruck.

01:34:03.000 It was the weirdest thing because he looked like just a guy from off the street.

01:34:06.000 Like he had jeans on and I don't know.

01:34:08.000 I just, he was like a regular guy to me.

01:34:11.000 Yeah.

01:34:12.000 And I sat with him for three hours and I hit it off with him.

01:34:15.000 And to make a very long story short, I ended up being his right hand person in this movie.

01:34:20.000 I got a producer credit.

01:34:22.000 I was in his ear the whole time on a microphone.

01:34:25.000 I taught him how to do stand up.

01:34:27.000 He played a comic who had been doing it for 36 years in a movie called The Comedian.

01:34:32.000 I ended up directing some of the scenes.

01:34:34.000 What year was this?

01:34:36.000 I mean, it might have been like six years ago.

01:34:38.000 Something like that.

01:34:39.000 Why do I not know about this movie?

01:34:41.000 Yeah, that's he and I. Look at you guys.

01:34:44.000 We became very close.

01:34:46.000 Wow.

01:34:47.000 I love him dearly.

01:34:48.000 South Orange comedian gives tips to Robert De Niro.

01:34:50.000 Yeah.

01:34:50.000 He's an amazing person.

01:34:52.000 He really is.

01:34:54.000 That's cool.

01:34:55.000 So down to earth, you would think he has the biggest ego.

01:34:58.000 He has no ego.

01:35:00.000 You can't be that good.

01:35:01.000 He doesn't.

01:35:02.000 I mean, to be as good as he is, you gotta have a pretty strong mind.

01:35:06.000 Yeah, he's not...

01:35:08.000 And he...

01:35:08.000 I think like that I never was starstruck with him.

01:35:12.000 Like, I didn't care.

01:35:14.000 I just sat with him and was like...

01:35:16.000 And we're still very close.

01:35:18.000 And I love him.

01:35:20.000 I really do.

01:35:22.000 Like, he just... 0.99

01:35:22.000 He just doesn't give a shit. 0.99

01:35:25.000 He's so... 1.00

01:35:26.000 He's so funny.

01:35:27.000 Like, he...

01:35:29.000 He has all these kids.

01:35:30.000 He's just really amazing.

01:35:32.000 He's really amazing.

01:35:34.000 How many kids does he have?

01:35:34.000 He has six kids.

01:35:35.000 Wow.

01:35:36.000 With one lady or a gang of chicks? 1.00

01:35:38.000 No, a couple.

01:35:39.000 A couple of different baby mamas? 1.00

01:35:42.000 Yeah, we talked about women together. 1.00

01:35:43.000 He's fucking amazing. 0.99

01:35:45.000 He just got divorced. 0.99

01:35:46.000 I know.

01:35:47.000 Just for the second time.

01:35:48.000 It's the same woman.

01:35:49.000 The same woman he got divorced to? 0.98

01:35:51.000 When guys are that old and they get divorced, I'm like, how bad must it be?

01:35:55.000 Yeah, for the second time.

01:35:57.000 When you want to be alone and you're 78 or whatever it is?

01:36:00.000 Well, the guy, let me tell you something.

01:36:02.000 He's hot.

01:36:02.000 He works out every morning at 5 in the morning with a trainer.

01:36:06.000 He's built.

01:36:07.000 He has tattoos all over him.

01:36:08.000 He does?

01:36:09.000 Yeah, he's tatted up.

01:36:11.000 He's got muscle.

01:36:12.000 Robert De Niro has tattoos all over the place?

01:36:14.000 I know, his chest.

01:36:15.000 Jamie, find these.

01:36:16.000 Does he have photos of them?

01:36:17.000 There might be.

01:36:18.000 I mean, there might be photos.

01:36:19.000 But I would sit with him in his trailer.

01:36:21.000 He was getting his makeup done.

01:36:22.000 But...

01:36:23.000 I hung out with Harvey Keitel.

01:36:25.000 They were all in the movie.

01:36:25.000 Harvey Keitel, Danny DeVito.

01:36:27.000 And I used to go out to dinner with them and lunch with them every day.

01:36:29.000 I would be starstruck if I met Harvey.

01:36:31.000 Harvey was like, I want to take you to lunch.

01:36:33.000 I want you to teach me how to do stand-up.

01:36:35.000 So I went to lunch with him.

01:36:36.000 I'm like, I am not teaching every old actor now how to do stand-up.

01:36:41.000 But I said to Harvey, why did you, you know, you're a Jewish guy from New York.

01:36:44.000 Why did you become a Marine? 0.99

01:36:45.000 He goes, so I could kill people. 0.99

01:36:46.000 That's what he said to me. 1.00

01:36:47.000 Whoa.

01:36:48.000 Yeah, he's a tough dude.

01:36:49.000 He might not want you to tell people that on a podcast. 0.99

01:36:51.000 No, he doesn't give a shit. 1.00

01:36:52.000 He's fucking amazing. 1.00

01:36:54.000 Harvey Keitel is amazing. 0.98

01:36:56.000 I love that dude.

01:36:57.000 He's a tough...

01:36:57.000 What an actor.

01:37:00.000 One little bitch ass tattoo. 1.00

01:37:01.000 What are you talking about? 1.00

01:37:02.000 Yeah, but he has more than that.

01:37:03.000 No, he has more than that.

01:37:03.000 Are you lying to me?

01:37:04.000 He's 100 years old in this movie.

01:37:05.000 No.

01:37:06.000 No.

01:37:07.000 No, he has more than that.

01:37:09.000 Where does he have tattoos?

01:37:09.000 On the other arm.

01:37:10.000 He does.

01:37:10.000 He has more than that, for sure.

01:37:12.000 A lot of them?

01:37:12.000 Like me?

01:37:13.000 No, not like you.

01:37:15.000 I think he doesn't have any tattoos.

01:37:18.000 Wow, he must have got them after that.

01:37:20.000 Yeah, one year is that.

01:37:20.000 No, but that looks really recently.

01:37:22.000 Click on that.

01:37:23.000 Robert De Niro at the beach.

01:37:25.000 No, he doesn't have them like you. 1.00

01:37:28.000 That's three years ago, you crazy lying bitch. 1.00

01:37:30.000 No, you saw... 1.00

01:37:33.000 Why are you lying about Robert De Niro and his tattoos?

01:37:35.000 No, I'm not, because they might have put more on him for the movie. 1.00

01:37:38.000 I'm an idiot. 1.00

01:37:39.000 Oh, okay. 1.00

01:37:40.000 But he does have them.

01:37:41.000 Okay, they're not real.

01:37:42.000 No, he has one in that photo. 0.99

01:37:44.000 Yeah, he got one little bitch-ass tattoo. 1.00

01:37:46.000 Look at that stupid little tiger crawling up his leg. 1.00

01:37:48.000 No, but seriously, it was after he had makeup done. 1.00

01:37:50.000 Maybe they put extra on him.

01:37:51.000 I don't know.

01:37:52.000 I don't know if they did.

01:37:54.000 How weird, though.

01:37:56.000 Did they appear in the movie, the tattoos?

01:37:58.000 No.

01:38:00.000 Maybe he got him removed.

01:38:01.000 No, he did have more tattoos in the movie.

01:38:03.000 He did.

01:38:04.000 Maybe he got him removed.

01:38:05.000 He did because he was playing younger.

01:38:07.000 They painted his beard black.

01:38:11.000 He had a black mustache and black.

01:38:13.000 He wasn't gray in the movie.

01:38:15.000 He probably wanted to make him some degenerate type character.

01:38:16.000 Yeah, he was like in his 60s in the movie.

01:38:18.000 Okay.

01:38:20.000 But he was great.

01:38:21.000 And he has no...

01:38:24.000 He's not stuck up or...

01:38:27.000 He's not egotistical.

01:38:29.000 He's not what people would think he is.

01:38:31.000 Well, he's a real artist.

01:38:33.000 Amazing.

01:38:33.000 I mean, if you want to do a film like Taxi Driver or Cape Fear or any of the transformative movies, Raging Bull...

01:38:41.000 I mean, he was literally the first actor to decide he's gonna gain weight for a movie, right?

01:38:46.000 No one did that before him.

01:38:48.000 He transformed his literal body. 0.97

01:38:51.000 I mean, he was fucking shredded, and then he became really overweight for that movie, Raging Bull. 0.99

01:38:57.000 I know. 0.99

01:38:59.000 Wanna hear the best story?

01:39:00.000 The first day of filming was at a deli in Brooklyn, and Taylor Hackford didn't even know that he hired me to be his right-hand person.

01:39:09.000 So De Niro says, Jessica calls me and he's like, I want you to come to Brooklyn.

01:39:13.000 Come to the filming today.

01:39:15.000 I need you to punch up some jokes for me.

01:39:17.000 I'm like, oh boy, does Taylor know I'm coming?

01:39:20.000 He's like, I don't care.

01:39:21.000 I just want you to show up and help me out.

01:39:24.000 So I show up.

01:39:26.000 He's in the middle.

01:39:27.000 I get there a little late because of traffic.

01:39:29.000 He's in the middle of doing a scene with Danny DeVito and Patti LuPone, who plays Danny DeVito's wife, right?

01:39:39.000 So I walk in.

01:39:40.000 De Niro runs up to me.

01:39:42.000 He goes, I need a joke for this line.

01:39:43.000 So I give him a joke.

01:39:44.000 So I go wait in the side, and he says the line, and Patti and Danny start hysterically laughing.

01:39:50.000 So Taylor starts yelling. 0.99

01:39:52.000 What the fuck is going on here? 0.99

01:39:54.000 We got to get through this. 1.00

01:39:55.000 Why are they laughing?

01:39:56.000 So he goes, well, Jessica came in and gave me a joke. 0.99

01:39:58.000 So he comes over and he starts yelling at me.

01:40:00.000 This is the first day of filming.

01:40:02.000 He goes, you can't just do this.

01:40:04.000 You can't just come in here and screw up everything. 0.99

01:40:06.000 De Niro took his arm, and he goes, if you ever fucking talk to her like this, he starts screaming. 0.97

01:40:11.000 I'm like, what is happening? 0.99

01:40:13.000 Where am I? I'm filming with Robert De Niro.

01:40:18.000 I was just at the cellar doing a set.

01:40:20.000 Like, what is happening? 0.98

01:40:22.000 He goes, don't you ever fucking talk to her like that again? 0.98

01:40:25.000 I mean, that set the tone for the next six months. 0.99

01:40:27.000 Because he knew not to talk to me.

01:40:30.000 He set the tone.

01:40:31.000 Like, don't ever talk to her like that.

01:40:33.000 And I'm just sitting there, like, eating a freakish, like, where am I? What's happening?

01:40:39.000 Did it settle down?

01:40:40.000 It was amazing.

01:40:41.000 Oh, I was treated like gold after that.

01:40:44.000 His temper is...

01:40:46.000 Yeah, you don't...

01:40:47.000 I mean, when he yelled, my hair blew.

01:40:50.000 Like, my hair blew back.

01:40:52.000 Like a lion's roar?

01:40:54.000 Oh, he was...

01:40:54.000 Yeah, he's...

01:40:55.000 You don't screw with him.

01:40:57.000 What was Harvey Keitel like?

01:41:00.000 So intense.

01:41:01.000 So what you would think he is.

01:41:04.000 And he would get enraged before a scene.

01:41:06.000 He was a real Meisner actor.

01:41:09.000 Totally what you would think.

01:41:11.000 Very charming.

01:41:13.000 I mean, the three of them together.

01:41:14.000 Can you imagine going to dinner with Danny DeVito, Harvey Keitel, and De Niro?

01:41:20.000 I mean, it was unreal.

01:41:21.000 That's incredible.

01:41:22.000 And Leslie Mann was in it, so Judd was around a lot.

01:41:25.000 I mean, it was fun.

01:41:26.000 Wow.

01:41:26.000 It was fun.

01:41:28.000 Did you ever see Bad Lieutenant?

01:41:29.000 No.

01:41:30.000 Oh my god.

01:41:31.000 It's his masterpiece.

01:41:32.000 I gotta see that.

01:41:33.000 It's a film that is not that famous in terms of, you know, he was in Pulp Fiction, he's been in so many films, but that is probably his piece de resistance.

01:41:45.000 It's a masterpiece. 0.81

01:41:47.000 It's about this crazy, corrupt cop. 1.00

01:41:50.000 It's a wild fucking movie. 1.00

01:41:53.000 I think it was in, I want to say it was in the 80s. 0.99

01:41:58.000 92?

01:41:59.000 Okay.

01:42:00.000 1992. Fucking crazy movie. 1.00

01:42:03.000 I gotta see it. 0.99

01:42:04.000 I mean, he was, the acting, watching them act together was just unbelievable.

01:42:11.000 He pulls over these girls. 1.00

01:42:13.000 Wow.

01:42:14.000 Look at him.

01:42:15.000 Yeah.

01:42:16.000 That's the cover of the, there's like a poster.

01:42:20.000 That's the poster of the movie right there.

01:42:22.000 Go down the, yeah, that's it right there. 0.99

01:42:26.000 Gambler, thief, junkie, killer, cop. 1.00

01:42:28.000 Junkie, yeah. 1.00

01:42:29.000 It is a great movie.

01:42:30.000 I can't recommend it enough. 0.99

01:42:32.000 I mean, there's so many wild fucking scenes in that. 0.98

01:42:36.000 But he just plays this completely out of control cop, and you believe every second of it. 0.99

01:42:41.000 There's no better actor.

01:42:43.000 I mean, those are the top, besides Pacino and a couple of other people.

01:42:46.000 Daniel Day-Lewis, a few other folks.

01:42:47.000 Right.

01:42:48.000 Those are...

01:42:49.000 As good as it gets.

01:42:49.000 I mean, I would just watch them and be in shock.

01:42:53.000 It's crazy.

01:42:54.000 You realize that there's actors that are just trying to be famous and then there's people who are legitimately artists and they can do things in a movie that no one else can do.

01:43:03.000 They can do things just like the way a comic can kill.

01:43:09.000 You've been doing comedy for 25 years.

01:43:11.000 They can do that with acting.

01:43:14.000 They have this precision way of encapsulating the character and And they have rapport with each other.

01:43:22.000 Some of them have worked together so many times that it's like incredible.

01:43:27.000 Isn't that wild?

01:43:28.000 Like we think about, you think about what an actor is.

01:43:30.000 Like you go to see a movie and this guy is the captain of like a spaceship and, you know, he's talking to this guy who's the president, but you know who these people are.

01:43:38.000 Like, you know, that's Will Smith.

01:43:40.000 You know, that's this person.

01:43:42.000 Like, this is not really...

01:43:43.000 But you buy it, right?

01:43:45.000 Oh, it's Tom Cruise.

01:43:46.000 Like, you buy it.

01:43:47.000 But even though you know exactly who they are...

01:43:49.000 It's weird.

01:43:50.000 It's very weird.

01:43:51.000 You don't think about that.

01:43:52.000 Also, that's what we want.

01:43:54.000 We want the people we already know.

01:43:56.000 Oh... 1.00

01:43:57.000 It's fucking that guy. 1.00

01:43:58.000 You know, we want that. 1.00

01:44:00.000 You know?

01:44:01.000 Yeah.

01:44:01.000 Even when you know them personally, you still believe it.

01:44:04.000 Sure.

01:44:05.000 Think about it.

01:44:05.000 Like a friend of yours is in a movie.

01:44:07.000 You still believe it.

01:44:08.000 Yeah.

01:44:09.000 Like if Bill Burr is in something, you still don't see him as Bill.

01:44:12.000 Exactly.

01:44:13.000 That's Yeah.

01:44:14.000 Yeah.

01:44:15.000 It's very strange that we want famous people to play parts in movies where we know...

01:44:22.000 Like, that's one of the great things, I think, about Game of Thrones, is that...

01:44:26.000 Oh, what a great show.

01:44:28.000 Amazing show.

01:44:29.000 Oh.

01:44:29.000 But no one really in that show was a very famous actor.

01:44:34.000 No one.

01:44:35.000 But they're all brilliant.

01:44:36.000 Brilliant.

01:44:37.000 But Jon Snow was Jon Snow.

01:44:40.000 He didn't have another point of reference. 0.97

01:44:42.000 You didn't think, oh, it's that dude from that sitcom with fucking Molly Shannon from the 90s. 0.97

01:44:48.000 You didn't think that. 0.98

01:44:50.000 No.

01:44:51.000 But now you'll think it when he's in something else.

01:44:53.000 That's Jon Snow.

01:44:54.000 It's Jon Snow.

01:44:55.000 That's the problem.

01:44:56.000 You know? 0.99

01:44:57.000 Like, Michael Imperioli is Christopher Moltisanti for the rest of his fucking life, whether he likes it or not. 0.99

01:45:03.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:45:04.000 You know?

01:45:04.000 That's just who he is.

01:45:06.000 Yeah.

01:45:07.000 You know what I mean?

01:45:07.000 I mean, it was such an amazing, iconic...

01:45:09.000 Like, when he was in here, he came in to do a podcast, and I'm sitting there talking to him.

01:45:14.000 I'm like, that's Christopher Moltisanti.

01:45:16.000 No, it's Michael Imperioli.

01:45:18.000 He's a great actor.

01:45:19.000 He's kind of like, hey, yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:45:20.000 But he's the guy from The Sopranos.

01:45:23.000 Well, there's some roles where you always see that person as, you know...

01:45:27.000 Al Bundy.

01:45:28.000 Exactly.

01:45:28.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:45:29.000 But then some you don't always see them as.

01:45:31.000 But yeah, of course.

01:45:32.000 Like Al Bundy, you always see him as Al Bundy.

01:45:33.000 He's always going to be Al Bundy.

01:45:35.000 Yeah, to me too.

01:45:36.000 Yeah.

01:45:36.000 Ed O'Neill is Al Bundy.

01:45:37.000 Period.

01:45:38.000 Yeah.

01:45:39.000 Even in that Modern Family show, he's like a newer version of Al Bundy.

01:45:43.000 Me too!

01:45:44.000 I still see him as Al Bundy in that show.

01:45:46.000 Of course.

01:45:47.000 It'll always be that way.

01:45:48.000 And then his wife from that, when she was on Sons of Anarchy, I'm like, oh, that's Peg Bundy.

01:45:53.000 I know.

01:45:53.000 That was one of my favorite shows.

01:45:56.000 I never watched it.

01:45:57.000 It was great.

01:45:58.000 Yeah?

01:45:58.000 I loved it.

01:45:59.000 It's dark as shit. 0.99

01:46:01.000 Yeah? 0.99

01:46:01.000 I feel like you should watch it. 0.99

01:46:02.000 Okay.

01:46:03.000 It's dark.

01:46:03.000 There's too many things to watch.

01:46:04.000 I know.

01:46:05.000 I don't watch anything.

01:46:06.000 I know.

01:46:07.000 I don't watch a lot of TV anymore.

01:46:10.000 No?

01:46:10.000 No.

01:46:11.000 What do you watch?

01:46:12.000 I play video games on my phone.

01:46:15.000 No, you don't.

01:46:15.000 I do.

01:46:16.000 What do you play, like Subway Surfer?

01:46:19.000 I play slots a lot.

01:46:20.000 I mean, not for real money. 0.64

01:46:21.000 Oh my god, you are an old Jewish lady. 1.00

01:46:24.000 I play Mahjong and... 0.60

01:46:31.000 You play slots on your phone. 1.00

01:46:33.000 Is there more of a waste of time than just fucking... 1.00

01:46:35.000 They're fun slots. 0.99

01:46:36.000 They're from the real casinos where you play.

01:46:39.000 But you don't win any money. 0.93

01:46:40.000 They're not dumb. 0.98

01:46:41.000 Yeah, you win fake money, but they're mindless. 1.00

01:46:45.000 I need to do mindless shit. 1.00

01:46:46.000 Oh, I see. 1.00

01:46:47.000 I get very...

01:46:49.000 I'm always in my head.

01:46:51.000 I'm talking to myself all day.

01:46:54.000 So you need like a little bit of a break.

01:46:56.000 Yeah, even some shows can be too intense.

01:46:58.000 Like, I just don't want to think a lot.

01:47:00.000 Yeah, I know what you're saying. 0.99

01:47:01.000 I like, you know, dumb TV. Entertainment. 0.99

01:47:06.000 Yes.

01:47:06.000 Just entertain me.

01:47:07.000 Yeah.

01:47:07.000 Just take me away for a little bit.

01:47:09.000 Yes.

01:47:10.000 Yeah.

01:47:11.000 When you say you like mindless things and you like video games, is there anything else that you do to just disconnect other than video games?

01:47:20.000 I mean, being with my kids, I completely disconnect when I'm around them.

01:47:24.000 I love being with them.

01:47:25.000 I started up taking, you know, I'm going to start playing tennis again.

01:47:30.000 That's something I did my whole childhood. 1.00

01:47:32.000 That shit's rough on the knees. 1.00

01:47:34.000 I know, but I love it so much. 1.00

01:47:37.000 So I used to play a lot.

01:47:39.000 My mom's very into pickleball. 1.00

01:47:41.000 She plays every day.

01:47:43.000 I've heard of that term, but I do not know what it means.

01:47:46.000 It's a big thing now.

01:47:46.000 I've heard that.

01:47:47.000 People say they're going to play pickleball.

01:47:48.000 I'm like, what are you even saying?

01:47:49.000 And I don't even Google it.

01:47:51.000 It's with a smaller racket.

01:47:53.000 Do you want to show him what the racket is?

01:47:55.000 Yeah, show me what the pickleball is.

01:47:56.000 Yeah.

01:47:56.000 And the ball is like...

01:48:00.000 Isn't it like a...

01:48:01.000 It's like a wiffle ball.

01:48:02.000 Yeah.

01:48:03.000 Really?

01:48:04.000 Yeah.

01:48:05.000 Let me see.

01:48:06.000 Let me see some pickleball.

01:48:07.000 It's a huge thing now.

01:48:09.000 Look at the court.

01:48:10.000 It's a small court.

01:48:11.000 That's real?

01:48:11.000 That's the paddle and ball.

01:48:13.000 Yeah.

01:48:13.000 What?

01:48:14.000 Yeah, it's like all the rave now.

01:48:16.000 When did this get invented?

01:48:18.000 I think a long time ago.

01:48:20.000 Is this for people who can't move good? 1.00

01:48:22.000 Yeah, this is probably better for me.

01:48:24.000 I don't have to even move.

01:48:25.000 Yeah, look at these old dead people. 1.00

01:48:27.000 Perfect.

01:48:27.000 You have to move.

01:48:28.000 It's like you move more than ping pong, less than tennis.

01:48:33.000 Look at that lady with the blue visor, how intense she is. 1.00

01:48:37.000 Look at her.

01:48:38.000 She wants to win.

01:48:39.000 She hates her husband and she wants to win. 1.00

01:48:42.000 That's what I see in that picture.

01:48:43.000 I might be wrong.

01:48:44.000 I've played it twice.

01:48:45.000 The rules are confusing.

01:48:46.000 I think you're right.

01:48:47.000 The rules are what?

01:48:48.000 The rules are confusing.

01:48:49.000 I'll be honest with you.

01:48:50.000 It'd be hard for me to try to explain it to you right now.

01:48:53.000 It's not like a doubles tennis thing?

01:48:55.000 No, because there's rules about how you have to say the score and that little area in the front here, that line, that area is called the kitchen.

01:49:02.000 You can't hit from inside the kitchen.

01:49:05.000 Why it's even called that is it almost gets confusing.

01:49:08.000 My mom is like a top player in her town. 1.00

01:49:11.000 She's amazing at it. 0.97

01:49:12.000 She got a hundred score yesterday for her games last week.

01:49:16.000 She's amazing.

01:49:18.000 She's in amazing shape though.

01:49:20.000 No, she's incredible.

01:49:22.000 So this pickleball keeps her active. 0.99

01:49:24.000 Yeah, she's in incredible shape and she plays every day. 1.00

01:49:27.000 She's in a league. 0.99

01:49:28.000 Does it move slower?

01:49:30.000 Is that what the idea is?

01:49:31.000 Let me see a video.

01:49:32.000 Yeah, I wonder if you...

01:49:34.000 Yeah, you just can't hit fast.

01:49:35.000 Because it's a wiffle ball, you know, there's only a limit to the speed.

01:49:38.000 What is pickleball?

01:49:39.000 Learn about one of the fastest growing...

01:49:41.000 Yeah, it's like the biggest thing.

01:49:44.000 Let's see. 1.00

01:49:46.000 You're that dork. 1.00

01:49:48.000 Guys, about pickleball. 1.00

01:49:49.000 Pickleball is the fastest growing sport in America.

01:49:52.000 It was invented by three dads on Bainbridge Island back in 1965. Oh, Seattle.

01:49:57.000 It's a combination of tennis, ping pong, and badminton.

01:50:00.000 It's played on a badminton-sized court with a net about two inches shorter than a tennis net.

01:50:05.000 You play it with a paddle a little bit bigger than a ping pong paddle and a little more durable wiffle ball.

01:50:12.000 You can play it as either doubles or singles.

01:50:15.000 So singles is one on one, doubles is a combination of two teams, two on two.

01:50:20.000 It's growing for a number of reasons.

01:50:23.000 It's a lot easier on the body, and it's a lot easier to pick up.

01:50:26.000 Most racket sports require hours and hours of lessons, but with pickleball, you can walk onto a court, pick up a paddle, and within five minutes of learning how to play, you can be playing a competitive game with your friends.

01:50:37.000 Oh, all of a sudden I want to play pickleball.

01:50:39.000 Me too.

01:50:40.000 I'm going to do that instead.

01:50:42.000 Like you watch a video and all of a sudden you want to start cooking?

01:50:46.000 Look, I want to make a brisket.

01:50:48.000 I want to learn pickleball.

01:50:50.000 That really sold it for me.

01:50:51.000 I get sold so easy.

01:50:53.000 In five minutes, you can play and you don't have to move hardly.

01:50:55.000 I started looking at videos about building furniture and I started thinking about really making my own furniture.

01:51:00.000 You should make your own furniture.

01:51:01.000 I'm not going to.

01:51:02.000 Why?

01:51:02.000 It's too much time.

01:51:03.000 But when I see people do it and they get excited, I see them playing in the wood and everything, I go, oh, that looks awesome.

01:51:08.000 Yeah.

01:51:09.000 That looks so cool.

01:51:09.000 That's not my thing, believe it or not, because I'm a lesbian.

01:51:11.000 But my wife would do it, even though she's very feminine. 1.00

01:51:14.000 She likes that shit. 1.00

01:51:15.000 She makes furniture? 1.00

01:51:15.000 Yeah, she's not Jewish. 1.00

01:51:17.000 Jewish people don't make furniture? 1.00

01:51:19.000 No, we don't make anything.

01:51:20.000 We don't even change a light bulb.

01:51:21.000 What do you do?

01:51:22.000 We hire people.

01:51:23.000 Oh, well.

01:51:25.000 That's allocation of time.

01:51:27.000 Smart.

01:51:28.000 You know?

01:51:29.000 Management of resources.

01:51:29.000 My father couldn't do anything like that.

01:51:31.000 No?

01:51:31.000 No, he would get so angry that he couldn't do it, too.

01:51:37.000 And when my dad was angry, he would rip off his toupee and throw it.

01:51:40.000 Oh my God, that would have been amazing.

01:51:42.000 He would rip it off? 0.99

01:51:44.000 Yeah, he'd go, what the fuck, and just rip it off the tape and then throw it across the room. 0.99

01:51:47.000 Did you go, oh my God? 0.99

01:51:49.000 Yeah, I was like, okay, time to leave the room.

01:51:50.000 Did you know that it wasn't his real hair?

01:51:52.000 Yeah, yeah, I did.

01:51:56.000 I'd watch him put it on.

01:51:57.000 Was there ever a time where that was acceptable?

01:52:00.000 What?

01:52:01.000 Toupees.

01:52:02.000 His looked pretty good.

01:52:04.000 It was expensive.

01:52:05.000 He was a good-looking man.

01:52:07.000 Well, sometimes he was lazy with it and it looked like he just ran over an animal and just threw it in the air and wherever it landed, it landed.

01:52:15.000 Whenever I think of toupees, I think about Goodfellas and that dude, Morty's wigs, where you jump in the pool.

01:52:20.000 Right.

01:52:23.000 But his was a fortune, and it was on like a white, one of those styrofoam heads, like he took care of it.

01:52:28.000 Oh, nice.

01:52:29.000 Did he brush it and condition it?

01:52:31.000 He talked it and walked it.

01:52:33.000 Oh my God.

01:52:34.000 The day they figure out how to stop balding for men.

01:52:37.000 I know.

01:52:38.000 Oh my God.

01:52:39.000 Would you ever wear...

01:52:40.000 I'm thinking about wearing one right now.

01:52:41.000 I'm thinking of Afro. 0.97

01:52:43.000 I'm thinking of making it real obvious.

01:52:45.000 I would die.

01:52:45.000 Real obvious.

01:52:46.000 That would be with a pic in it.

01:52:48.000 You should really...

01:52:48.000 And then we'll go to Gospel Church.

01:52:50.000 You know what guys are doing now?

01:52:51.000 What?

01:52:51.000 They're getting stubble tattooed on their head.

01:52:55.000 Wow.

01:52:56.000 Yeah.

01:52:56.000 It's very realistic.

01:52:58.000 It's really weird.

01:52:59.000 That's interesting.

01:53:01.000 You can see my stubble on the sides where I have hair.

01:53:04.000 What they're doing is they're tattooing stubble all over the top of their head.

01:53:08.000 It's like a new thing over the last, I don't know, 10 years or so.

01:53:12.000 When did you go bald?

01:53:14.000 Slowly.

01:53:15.000 Yeah.

01:53:16.000 Yeah, that's it.

01:53:16.000 Oh, wow.

01:53:17.000 That looks good.

01:53:18.000 I started going bald when I was in my early 20s.

01:53:21.000 Yeah, isn't it weird, though?

01:53:23.000 It's very weird.

01:53:24.000 Because here's my thought.

01:53:26.000 If you look at these tattoos that I have, they're more than 10 years old.

01:53:33.000 And the lines have started to get a little blurry.

01:53:35.000 So my thought is, if those little dots start getting blurry, you're just going to have mush on the top of your head.

01:53:42.000 Like, how do they keep that from happening?

01:53:44.000 I don't know, but that must kill.

01:53:47.000 I don't know.

01:53:48.000 I don't know.

01:53:50.000 I mean, tattoos don't really hurt that much.

01:53:52.000 It killed me.

01:53:53.000 Really?

01:53:53.000 Where'd you get it?

01:53:54.000 On my back.

01:53:54.000 I have two on my back that killed on my shoulder, believe it.

01:53:57.000 But I'm a pussy. 1.00

01:53:58.000 I think back is real sensitive, though. 1.00

01:54:00.000 Yeah.

01:54:00.000 There's spots that hurt, like this spot right here down by the elbow, that's very sensitive.

01:54:04.000 Right by your bone, that's why.

01:54:06.000 And up here by my chest is very sensitive.

01:54:09.000 Really?

01:54:10.000 Yeah.

01:54:11.000 But the shoulders, you could fall asleep.

01:54:13.000 If I'm getting tattooed on my shoulder, I could literally fall asleep.

01:54:16.000 It doesn't feel like anything.

01:54:17.000 It's weird how much more sensitive certain areas are.

01:54:20.000 I heard on the top of your foot is horrible.

01:54:23.000 Ooh, I bet.

01:54:24.000 Yeah, that seems like it'd be real sensitive.

01:54:26.000 The top of your hands, I bet that would be real sensitive.

01:54:29.000 Yeah.

01:54:29.000 So your head would be real sensitive then.

01:54:31.000 Of course, right?

01:54:32.000 I think it would really hurt.

01:54:35.000 That's a good sound.

01:54:39.000 Would scalp micropigmentation be another way of saying head tattoo?

01:54:44.000 Yeah, that's what it is.

01:54:45.000 Right, okay.

01:54:45.000 100%.

01:54:46.000 Right, so just saying those words differently.

01:54:48.000 They're saying micropigmentation to make you feel like you're not getting your head tattooed.

01:54:55.000 It's little tiny dots.

01:54:57.000 The problem is, like I said, if it, after time, it's gonna, like, you could see these lines.

01:55:05.000 They used to be, they still look great, but they used to be more defined.

01:55:09.000 Like, they get a little blurry.

01:55:11.000 That's how you can tell an old tattoo versus a fresh tattoo.

01:55:15.000 So when you're looking at those dudes' heads, like right now, it looks like real stubble because you just got it.

01:55:22.000 Then it's going to look like, yeah.

01:55:25.000 It's going to look weird.

01:55:26.000 And then if a girl rubs your head, she's going to go, hey, why is it so smooth? 0.99

01:55:30.000 Where the fuck is all this stubble? 1.00

01:55:31.000 If someone's got a stubble fetish, she's like, rub your head on my pussy. 1.00

01:55:36.000 Yeah, can you imagine? 1.00

01:55:38.000 They've had to work on this sentence so that it doesn't say tattoo.

01:55:41.000 It's a non-invasive treatment that uses detailed micro needles to deposit pigment into the scalp.

01:55:48.000 Oh, it's like a tattoo, but different.

01:55:52.000 It gives you the look of a buzz cut or a short hair stubble.

01:55:55.000 So why don't you Google what happens to micropigmentation in 10 years?

01:56:01.000 That's what I want to know.

01:56:02.000 It's not a good situation.

01:56:03.000 It's going to be horrible.

01:56:05.000 It's like the top of your head.

01:56:06.000 Unless you want to go full Travis Barker. 1.00

01:56:08.000 Travis Barker is a wild motherfucker. 1.00

01:56:10.000 He just tattooed his whole top of his head like where his hairline is. 1.00

01:56:15.000 But it's like cool designs and women's heads and shit. 1.00

01:56:19.000 Wow. 0.99

01:56:19.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:56:20.000 You're not wrong.

01:56:23.000 Oh, is that what it looks like?

01:56:24.000 I think so.

01:56:25.000 Okay.

01:56:25.000 Removal after 10 years.

01:56:28.000 Oh, he got it removed.

01:56:30.000 He's getting it removed.

01:56:32.000 Oh, wow.

01:56:33.000 What's this guy saying?

01:56:34.000 Let's hear what he's saying. 0.99

01:56:35.000 It sucks being bald again. 0.99

01:56:36.000 I don't know how else to say it. 0.97

01:56:38.000 Having this goofy hairline doesn't help, but just not having my hairline again, I feel exposed again.

01:56:43.000 I feel...

01:56:44.000 Not confident.

01:56:45.000 It's pretty crazy.

01:56:46.000 So check out my video of me getting the laser...

01:56:49.000 Wait a minute.

01:56:49.000 Go to the beginning.

01:56:49.000 Why is he doing it?

01:56:51.000 ...sad, depressed.

01:56:52.000 So in this moment, I lived with four other guys, always had a hat on, and I had makeup in my hair all the time.

01:56:58.000 I got to the point where you can tell now I got too bald where even makeup wasn't able to hide how bald I was.

01:57:03.000 This is so depressing.

01:57:04.000 I felt exposed in this picture, as you can clearly see.

01:57:07.000 So anyway, found hair tattoo, scalp micropigmentation is another word for it, by the way.

01:57:13.000 This was my initial treatment.

01:57:15.000 So this was two years after I got my treatment done.

01:57:18.000 So this was 2011. And that already shows right there.

01:57:22.000 I was so grateful for this in the moment.

01:57:24.000 Looking at it now, I mean, I'm so grateful for it, happy to have it.

01:57:26.000 I'd have this over the alternative that I just showed you, not having hair.

01:57:30.000 But look how goofy that hairline looks.

01:57:32.000 It doesn't look natural.

01:57:33.000 It doesn't look appropriate.

01:57:34.000 Look at that sharp line down here.

01:57:36.000 It doesn't look like a natural hairline, but definitely assembled some hair.

01:57:39.000 Definitely better than what we just had, for sure.

01:57:42.000 So that was me two years later.

01:57:44.000 And then I decided a few years after that, I started training people how to do this.

01:57:49.000 And when I trained someone I thought was pretty good, I had them do my hairline.

01:57:53.000 That's not the best picture of the hairline there.

01:57:56.000 But anyway, it just looks stamped on after a while.

01:57:59.000 Again, in the moment, it was great.

01:58:00.000 The evolution of this industry.

01:58:03.000 Oh, hold on.

01:58:03.000 Play it back there.

01:58:05.000 Oh, so he is taking it off and putting it back on.

01:58:19.000 Yeah, because he just did it too early.

01:58:21.000 He did it when they...

01:58:22.000 Oh, so go to the end where they're putting it back on him.

01:58:24.000 Right.

01:58:25.000 Oh, no, he's got glasses.

01:58:26.000 They're cooking it.

01:58:27.000 This is them taking it off.

01:58:29.000 Yikes.

01:58:29.000 Yeah.

01:58:30.000 They take it off with lasers.

01:58:32.000 So he's getting it taken off and then he's going to get it done again with the new technology.

01:58:38.000 He just cooked his head.

01:58:40.000 He cooked his head.

01:58:41.000 Look at he's cooking his head.

01:58:42.000 Whoa, son.

01:58:45.000 That's supposed to be super painful.

01:58:47.000 Very.

01:58:47.000 Much more painful.

01:58:48.000 I've got an old tattoo that I've been thinking about getting lasered off to finish this sleeve, and I heard it's very painful.

01:58:54.000 It's supposed to be very painful.

01:58:55.000 Yeah.

01:58:56.000 But they say tattoos are painful, too.

01:58:59.000 I think it's really dependent on...

01:59:00.000 That stuff's apparently only been around for 12 years.

01:59:03.000 The micropigmentation?

01:59:04.000 Yeah, to know it looks like 10 years later.

01:59:05.000 Oh.

01:59:05.000 He's one of the first people.

01:59:07.000 So he was the early adopter.

01:59:09.000 See, that's the thing.

01:59:10.000 It's like he's getting it lasered off because I think it all gets blurry and it looks fake.

01:59:14.000 It looks like you got...

01:59:15.000 You know initially it can last between five and ten years.

01:59:19.000 So so what do you do after five years though? 0.96

01:59:22.000 That's what I'm saying Go to Travis Barker said this might be the better option to everything else over it Yeah, Travis Barker and Jason Ellis has his head tattooed like I think he's got a wolf's head up there I think that's a better idea to just get something random and Travis Barker's got wild shit tattooed on his head. 0.92

01:59:45.000 He's a real tattoo junkie. 0.60

01:59:48.000 I mean, he's essentially got every part of his body tattooed.

01:59:51.000 Look at that.

01:59:51.000 Oh, Kourtney Kardashian tattoos.

01:59:53.000 I love you on his arm.

01:59:54.000 Yeah, he's getting tattoos over tattoos.

01:59:56.000 Aww.

01:59:58.000 But see if you could find some photos of his head tattoo because it's pretty detailed.

02:00:03.000 It's cool when you see it in real life.

02:00:06.000 It's very interesting.

02:00:08.000 He's got really good work.

02:00:10.000 Yeah, look at his tattoo.

02:00:11.000 I mean, they're amazing.

02:00:12.000 There you go.

02:00:12.000 You see the top of his head.

02:00:15.000 Yeah, it's like a woman. 0.92

02:00:17.000 I mean, if you're going to get a head tattoo, that's incredible.

02:00:21.000 Yeah.

02:00:22.000 Well, you know, he goes to guys like Mr. Cartoon and some of the best tattoo artists in the world.

02:00:28.000 But, you know, he loves tattoos.

02:00:30.000 He's a really nice guy.

02:00:32.000 Like a super, super nice guy.

02:00:34.000 What is that? 1.00

02:00:35.000 He's got a fucking gas mask on the back of it. 1.00

02:00:38.000 One life, one chance. 1.00

02:00:39.000 Is that Reggie Watts?

02:00:41.000 He's got Reggie Watts tattooed on the back of his head.

02:00:45.000 He's an odd fellow, but he's a really, really nice guy.

02:00:48.000 Really nice guy.

02:00:48.000 I see that.

02:00:50.000 That plane accident was horrible.

02:00:54.000 That story.

02:00:55.000 Yeah, that's a scary story.

02:00:58.000 Terrifying.

02:01:00.000 I wonder if that's why he got so many tattoos, because of the burns and everything.

02:01:04.000 Could very well be.

02:01:06.000 Is that what it is?

02:01:08.000 Some of them, yeah.

02:01:10.000 Yeah, I'm sure.

02:01:11.000 I mean, he had to get a bunch of skin grafts and all kinds of stuff. 0.89

02:01:14.000 Skin grafts weren't taking because he's a vegan, so he was telling me he was eating a bunch of beef jerky and shit, just eating all kinds of meat just to try to get his body to heal quicker. 0.95

02:01:24.000 Really? 0.99

02:01:25.000 Yeah.

02:01:26.000 He's vegan for ideological reasons.

02:01:29.000 And so when he had this injury, he had to just put that aside and just...

02:01:34.000 Eat meat to heal up.

02:01:36.000 He owns Crossroads.

02:01:38.000 He's one of the best vegan restaurants in LA. Wow.

02:01:42.000 It's supposed to be really good.

02:01:43.000 Yeah.

02:01:45.000 Yeah.

02:01:45.000 My friend, who's not vegan at all, went there.

02:01:48.000 My friend Dana White went there and said, dude, it's fucking amazing. 0.69

02:01:50.000 The food's fantastic. 0.97

02:01:52.000 He's like, you forget you're eating vegan.

02:01:53.000 Yeah, I've been to some great vegan restaurants in LA. There's a few of them.

02:01:58.000 I mean, it's like everything else.

02:02:00.000 Some people just do it right.

02:02:01.000 You know, some people, like everything.

02:02:03.000 Some people are just artists.

02:02:04.000 I know.

02:02:05.000 They really know how to do it.

02:02:06.000 They have great restaurants here in Austin. 1.00

02:02:08.000 Fuck yeah, they do. 0.99

02:02:09.000 I love it here. 1.00

02:02:11.000 So you should move here.

02:02:12.000 I know.

02:02:12.000 I wish I could.

02:02:13.000 When I open up my club, move here.

02:02:14.000 Bring your kids.

02:02:15.000 Just drag them across the country.

02:02:16.000 I think I'm going to start coming like every six weeks or something.

02:02:19.000 I love it here.

02:02:21.000 I'm serious.

02:02:22.000 It's so great.

02:02:23.000 I'd be happy if you did that.

02:02:23.000 It'd be awesome.

02:02:24.000 I really, like, I just, it's so amazing here and the audiences are incredible.

02:02:32.000 Incredible, right?

02:02:33.000 They're so great.

02:02:34.000 We had a late show last night, 10.30 on a Wednesday.

02:02:38.000 It was incredible. 0.99

02:02:39.000 Show was over at like 12.30 and fucking people were like full of energy. 0.99

02:02:43.000 So much fun. 0.99

02:02:44.000 I did Moon Tower last week.

02:02:46.000 I did like 12 shows.

02:02:47.000 They were unreal.

02:02:49.000 It's the best town.

02:02:50.000 You know what it is?

02:02:51.000 It's not too big.

02:02:52.000 It's not overwhelming. 0.73

02:02:54.000 There's like a thing that happens when you get so many million people where people don't give a fuck about it, each other.

02:03:00.000 That doesn't happen here.

02:03:02.000 It's like the vibe is still very friendly and fairly small.

02:03:06.000 Yeah.

02:03:07.000 No, it was great.

02:03:08.000 It was really great. 0.99

02:03:10.000 I love the audiences because no matter where people stand and the political shit, it's not divided. 0.98

02:03:16.000 Everyone gets together and laughs. 0.98

02:03:18.000 There's still a great energy.

02:03:20.000 Because in some cities, it's really divided.

02:03:23.000 Well, this place is a very balanced place in that the city itself, Austin, is very progressive.

02:03:28.000 It's very liberal, but it's surrounded by red. 1.00

02:03:32.000 Everyone on the outside has bullets and guns and fucking ranches and shit. 1.00

02:03:37.000 It's like there's a balance, like a healthy respect and appreciation for each other. 0.99

02:03:43.000 You don't get a lot of places.

02:03:44.000 And that doesn't come out in the audience.

02:03:46.000 That's what I mean, because some places it's just so tense.

02:03:49.000 Yeah.

02:03:49.000 You feel the tension in the audience.

02:03:51.000 Well, you feel a bunch of people that work in an environment where they're under the thumb of human resources every day and every microaggression is analyzed and everything you do could possibly be misconstrued as being, you know, whatever it is, sexist,

02:04:07.000 racist, homophobic, whatever it is.

02:04:08.000 They're just, everyone's tense. 0.99

02:04:10.000 And then you got a comic like yourself on stage talking wild shit and they're like, I just go for it at this point. 0.99

02:04:26.000 I can't care anymore. 0.98

02:04:28.000 I just really just have to stay true to who I am and I know everything I say is coming from a good place and a loving place.

02:04:35.000 You know what I'm saying?

02:04:36.000 And you have an audience.

02:04:38.000 People who already know what you do, love you, and they want to come see you.

02:04:42.000 You can't change now.

02:04:43.000 Yeah.

02:04:44.000 Imagine being an up-and-coming stand-up today.

02:04:48.000 I think about that all the time.

02:04:50.000 I don't think I could do it.

02:04:51.000 You could do it.

02:04:52.000 No, I'm saying...

02:04:53.000 Meaning, like, I've talked to some women who are starting out now, and they are like, I'm so afraid.

02:04:59.000 I'm afraid to say anything.

02:05:01.000 I'm like, they are so...

02:05:03.000 I'm like, you know what? 1.00

02:05:03.000 You have a great ass. 1.00

02:05:04.000 You'll be fine. 1.00

02:05:06.000 Well, you know the thing about being afraid.

02:05:08.000 I never had that to depend on.

02:05:09.000 Seriously.

02:05:10.000 That's probably what helped you.

02:05:11.000 Uh, yeah, it's taken a long time.

02:05:14.000 I mean, I never went up with this hot body and this, you know, I never had a lot of help.

02:05:19.000 It's true.

02:05:20.000 I'm serious.

02:05:20.000 I don't think that helps, though.

02:05:22.000 You don't?

02:05:22.000 No, I think it's a distraction.

02:05:24.000 I think for women, like, for a woman to go on stage, like, in a hot dress, like, tight and everything like that, I think it's a very, and I think women don't like seeing that. 1.00

02:05:35.000 Like, they want to be like, ah, this bitch, who the fuck she thinks she is? 1.00

02:05:37.000 Well, I think some male comics do help women like that. 1.00

02:05:41.000 Oh, because they're trying to fuck them? 1.00

02:05:42.000 That's what I mean. 1.00

02:05:43.000 Exactly.

02:05:43.000 Yeah, but that doesn't really help.

02:05:44.000 And I think the industry sometimes has given opportunities to women like that.

02:05:48.000 Don't you think? 0.99

02:05:49.000 Comedy Central and shit like that. 0.98

02:05:50.000 Maybe. 0.96

02:05:51.000 I don't know.

02:05:51.000 I can't name a person.

02:05:52.000 If I did, I wouldn't.

02:05:53.000 But what would help them is if no one gave them help.

02:05:57.000 Right.

02:05:57.000 That's what would really help them.

02:05:58.000 That's what helped me. 1.00

02:05:58.000 Fuck off. 1.00

02:06:00.000 Figured out. 1.00

02:06:01.000 That's what helped me.

02:06:03.000 I mean, all the male comics in New York were always like, I don't see you as a female comic, I see you as a comic.

02:06:08.000 I just never relied on, I never used that.

02:06:12.000 It was never part of my thing.

02:06:13.000 Well, all the good ones are just comics.

02:06:15.000 Yeah, that's true.

02:06:17.000 Whether it's Whitney Cummings or Christina Prasitsky.

02:06:19.000 The good ones are just comics.

02:06:21.000 It doesn't matter.

02:06:23.000 One of the things about comedy is if you're really good, everyone just appreciates you as a comic.

02:06:29.000 It's a real meritocracy in that regard.

02:06:32.000 When you kill, people respect you and they love you.

02:06:35.000 But if you're famous and you bomb, nobody wants to have anything to do with you.

02:06:39.000 I know, that's so true.

02:06:40.000 Have you seen that before?

02:06:42.000 Have I seen it before?

02:06:43.000 I know, yeah, but I want you to talk about it.

02:06:45.000 No, I'm not!

02:06:50.000 It's so ugly!

02:06:52.000 When you watch someone who's famous and they go on stage and the audience recognizes like a minute into their act, like, oh no.

02:06:58.000 Oh, well, let's talk about that.

02:07:00.000 So the second they go on, people freak the fuck out.

02:07:04.000 I'm talking, they will a lot of times get out of their seat and stand up. 0.52

02:07:09.000 They scream and jump out of their seats.

02:07:12.000 Oh! 0.60

02:07:13.000 Oh my god!

02:07:14.000 Right?

02:07:15.000 Especially if someone drops into the cellar.

02:07:16.000 Right.

02:07:17.000 Especially in New York, it's amazing to watch because one minute in, if they're not funny, it doesn't matter who, and I've seen it with the biggest, the biggest, most famous people.

02:07:30.000 Yeah.

02:07:31.000 One minute in, if they're not funny, the crowd is done.

02:07:35.000 They get upset at you.

02:07:36.000 Oh yeah, that's it.

02:07:37.000 They shut off.

02:07:38.000 They don't like you. 0.53

02:07:38.000 They hate you. 0.53

02:07:39.000 If one minute in and you're a nobody, they're like, maybe it gets better.

02:07:45.000 That's so true.

02:07:46.000 They'll give you a shot.

02:07:47.000 They'll give you a shot!

02:07:48.000 He's just starting out.

02:07:50.000 Maybe one day he'll be really good and I can say I saw him at the cellar bombing.

02:07:53.000 It's so true. 0.84

02:07:54.000 Yeah.

02:07:55.000 But if you're famous and you don't deliver right away, they're done.

02:07:58.000 That's it. 1.00

02:07:59.000 Fuck you. 1.00

02:08:00.000 You're an idiot. 1.00

02:08:01.000 Fuck you. 1.00

02:08:02.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:08:03.000 Yeah.

02:08:03.000 Because there's like a certain amount of resentment that they have for you being famous already that they don't even realize they had until you were bombing.

02:08:17.000 Yeah.

02:08:17.000 I've said this before, but I'll say it again.

02:08:19.000 I think because of the internet, comedians realize now that this isn't a famine mentality business anymore.

02:08:25.000 Because when I was coming up in the 90s, it was very famine mentality.

02:08:30.000 There was a few slots.

02:08:32.000 If you wanted to get on a sitcom, there was like...

02:08:34.000 Mm-hmm.

02:08:54.000 But then the internet came around, and people started uploading their stuff on YouTube, and they started having podcasts, and they realized, oh, there's room for everybody.

02:09:03.000 There's totally room for everybody.

02:09:05.000 There's no reason for us to be...

02:09:09.000 A lot of people recognize, like, these are the only people I understand as comics.

02:09:14.000 And now you can treat them as community instead of treating them as, like, competitors on the battlefield.

02:09:21.000 Yeah.

02:09:21.000 What year did you start?

02:09:23.000 88. Oh, my God.

02:09:24.000 Back in the day.

02:09:26.000 I didn't know that.

02:09:27.000 That's wow.

02:09:28.000 Yeah.

02:09:28.000 You've been in this.

02:09:29.000 I just celebrated 33 years. 1.00

02:09:31.000 Holy shit. 0.99

02:09:32.000 A couple weeks ago. 0.99

02:09:33.000 Or a month ago, rather.

02:09:34.000 August 27th, 1988. In L.A.? No.

02:09:38.000 Boston.

02:09:39.000 Oh, right, right, right.

02:09:40.000 Yeah.

02:09:40.000 Okay.

02:09:41.000 Yeah, I didn't come to LA until 94. That's such a good place.

02:09:44.000 Boston's a good place to start.

02:09:45.000 Amazing.

02:09:45.000 I just played in Boston.

02:09:46.000 I loved it.

02:09:47.000 Yeah, everyone's angry.

02:09:49.000 Everyone's cold. 0.99

02:09:50.000 They'll punch you. 0.98

02:09:51.000 Yeah. 0.80

02:09:52.000 They have to work in the morning.

02:09:53.000 You can't be self-indulgent.

02:09:55.000 Let's go.

02:09:56.000 Oh, there's such good crowds.

02:09:57.000 I just played at Laugh Boston.

02:09:58.000 It was so much fun.

02:09:59.000 I know.

02:10:00.000 It was a beautiful club.

02:10:01.000 Yeah.

02:10:03.000 Yeah, when I was coming up, there was five clubs on one street.

02:10:07.000 Really?

02:10:08.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:10:08.000 Boston was so crazy.

02:10:10.000 In the 80s, have you ever seen When Stand Up Stood Out?

02:10:13.000 No.

02:10:14.000 It's a documentary by Fran Solomita.

02:10:16.000 He was a Boston comic, and it detailed the rise of Stephen Wright and Lenny Clark and Steve Sweeney and Don Gavin and Kevin Knox and all these huge Boston comedians.

02:10:28.000 Don Gavin, who's in my opinion one of the greatest of all time.

02:10:31.000 I agree.

02:10:31.000 They were so good.

02:10:33.000 And this one time in history in the 1980s, a lot of it was because of Barry Crimmins, who was like sort of the godfather of the community.

02:10:42.000 Barry Crimmins had established this environment, this place called the Ding Ho.

02:10:46.000 And the Ding Ho was a Chinese restaurant that they did comedy at.

02:10:50.000 And it was so good there, and these comics had gotten so good that it branched out, and all these comedy clubs started being built.

02:10:58.000 And so on one block, there was Nick's Comedy Stop.

02:11:03.000 Down the street from Nick's was the Comedy Connection.

02:11:05.000 Above Nick's was the Comedy Club at the Charles Playhouse.

02:11:09.000 Across the street was Duck Soup.

02:11:12.000 And then one block away was Dick Daugherty's Comedy Vault.

02:11:17.000 So on one little street, like within...

02:11:20.000 Couple minutes of each other there was five comedy clubs.

02:11:23.000 It was crazy. 0.99

02:11:24.000 It was a crazy place and there was Packed houses every night packed packed houses I mean except for open mic night, which is kind of sparse But they always are on you know Tuesday Wednesday, whatever the fuck it was. 0.94

02:11:37.000 There was always big crowds and And these guys would sell out shows every weekend, all over town. 0.81

02:11:44.000 There was Stitch's Comedy Club that was on the other side of town.

02:11:46.000 There was another place called Play It Again Sam's that was like a movie theater that had comedy.

02:11:50.000 It was crazy.

02:11:51.000 And there were so many comics, and they were so good.

02:11:54.000 Boston, oh my god, known for like...

02:11:57.000 Yeah.

02:11:58.000 Patrice, Bill Burr, Nick DiPaolo.

02:12:01.000 I mean, you could go down the line.

02:12:02.000 There were so many great comics.

02:12:04.000 Jay Leno, so many comics came from Boston.

02:12:07.000 Did you just start doing, I don't know if you talk about this a lot on the podcast, but I'm just curious, did you just start doing open mics?

02:12:13.000 Yeah.

02:12:13.000 I took a class.

02:12:15.000 I couldn't just start doing it.

02:12:17.000 I was panicked to get on stage.

02:12:20.000 How old were you at the time?

02:12:21.000 29. What year was this?

02:12:24.000 19, I started in 99. I was panicked.

02:12:28.000 Why were you so panicked?

02:12:29.000 I had never been on stage before in front of people.

02:12:31.000 I was going for a master's in social work.

02:12:34.000 My grandmother told me to do it.

02:12:35.000 She literally said, every time there's people around you, they're laughing.

02:12:38.000 You need to be a comedian.

02:12:40.000 Wow.

02:12:40.000 And I was like, I can't do that.

02:12:41.000 I could never do that.

02:12:43.000 And she's like, you have to.

02:12:44.000 So your grandmother talked you into it?

02:12:45.000 Yeah.

02:12:46.000 I would have never done it if she didn't say that to me that day.

02:12:49.000 Isn't that wild?

02:12:50.000 And I was always the class clown and, you know, always getting in trouble.

02:12:54.000 So it was always there?

02:12:55.000 Everyone said, it's no shock you're a stand-up.

02:12:58.000 Wow, that's awesome.

02:12:59.000 But I was really nervous.

02:13:01.000 So the fact that you just went and did an open mic is so amazing to me because I'm always impressed.

02:13:06.000 Well, that's how most people do it, right?

02:13:07.000 I know, but I'm always impressed with that because...

02:13:11.000 Well, in the 80s, there wasn't really much comedy classes available.

02:13:16.000 In Boston, there was none that I was aware of.

02:13:19.000 I mean, they might have existed.

02:13:19.000 I just didn't know about them.

02:13:21.000 So you would go to Stitches, and Stitches had an open mic night.

02:13:25.000 That was the place that everybody would go, because it was the easiest to get up on the open mic night.

02:13:29.000 And you would go on Sunday night.

02:13:32.000 And Jonathan Katz from Mr. Katz, he was the host of the show.

02:13:38.000 Were you nervous?

02:13:39.000 Oh my god, I was terrified.

02:13:41.000 Terrified.

02:13:42.000 Terrifying.

02:13:43.000 I almost quit.

02:13:44.000 I almost backed out.

02:13:46.000 There was an opportunity for me to chicken out, and I almost took it.

02:13:51.000 And I literally had a voice in my head saying, no, this is what you're supposed to do.

02:13:55.000 I know.

02:13:56.000 Like a real voice.

02:13:58.000 No, I know.

02:13:58.000 That I've never had before.

02:13:59.000 I've never had it since.

02:14:01.000 Never had it before that.

02:14:02.000 It was like a real voice in my head that said, no, no, no.

02:14:04.000 This is what you're supposed to do.

02:14:06.000 I was like, oh my God.

02:14:08.000 I was so scared.

02:14:09.000 Yeah.

02:14:09.000 It's so scary.

02:14:11.000 Yeah.

02:14:11.000 But then once I did it, I knew.

02:14:13.000 I wasn't even good.

02:14:14.000 The first time I did it, I was like, but I realized, I think I can do this.

02:14:19.000 I was such a misfit.

02:14:21.000 I didn't fit in in regular life.

02:14:23.000 I didn't feel like I had any sort of a future in the corporate world.

02:14:27.000 I didn't have a safety net.

02:14:28.000 It wasn't a lot that was going to work out for me.

02:14:32.000 Yeah, that is the fit.

02:14:33.000 Plus, the power I felt on stage, even though it did not go great, I still...

02:14:39.000 That power is incredible that you feel standing in front of people with a microphone.

02:14:44.000 It's really amazing.

02:14:46.000 Well, it's a weird puzzle, right?

02:14:48.000 You're like, I think I can solve this puzzle.

02:14:50.000 And then you see other people solve it.

02:14:51.000 That was one of the real cool things was I got to see, you know, Jonathan Katz.

02:14:56.000 It was very funny, obviously.

02:14:57.000 But I got to see other comics who are professionals would drop in and they would do sets at this open mic night.

02:15:03.000 And so I got to see, you know, guys like Teddy Bergeron.

02:15:07.000 I don't know if you know who he is.

02:15:07.000 Yes, yes.

02:15:09.000 At the time, in 1988, Teddy Bergeron was one of the best comics on earth.

02:15:13.000 He had done The Tonight Show, and everybody was like praising him, and his timing was so good.

02:15:18.000 He made you want to quit comedy.

02:15:20.000 His timing was so smooth and so good, you couldn't believe it.

02:15:24.000 And so, I saw a few of those guys too, and I remember thinking like, oh my god, there's so many levels to this.

02:15:30.000 Like, I had no idea.

02:15:31.000 I had no idea there's... 0.99

02:15:32.000 And then also, here's a big part, you get to see people who really suck. 0.96

02:15:37.000 And you go, oh, I'm not as bad as that person. 0.98

02:15:40.000 So I'll be better than them.

02:15:42.000 You really see people who are horrific.

02:15:44.000 Yeah.

02:15:45.000 I mean...

02:15:45.000 That's what I did before I did comedy.

02:15:47.000 I saw an open mic night.

02:15:49.000 And I saw some people...

02:15:50.000 It's because, you know, if you've never seen live comedy, you assume that all the comedians are going to be like Richard Pryor.

02:15:56.000 Because you've seen Richard Pryor do comedy.

02:15:59.000 Yeah.

02:16:00.000 But then you go and you go, oh, this is...

02:16:03.000 Oh, these are terrible.

02:16:04.000 Okay, I can do this.

02:16:05.000 Right.

02:16:05.000 And it's very scary when someone doesn't even get a smile and they think they killed.

02:16:10.000 Like, it's nuts. 0.98

02:16:11.000 That would make me think people were mentally, very mentally ill. 1.00

02:16:14.000 Well, they are. 0.97

02:16:15.000 When they would get off and go, that was great.

02:16:17.000 And I'm like, for who?

02:16:18.000 Like, no one even smiled.

02:16:20.000 Forget about laughing.

02:16:21.000 People looked concerned.

02:16:23.000 And you thought you just killed.

02:16:24.000 Like, you're not okay.

02:16:25.000 Right.

02:16:26.000 Well, there's a lot of people that will wear a mask to try to hide from reality, and that's one of the things they would do.

02:16:34.000 Yeah.

02:16:35.000 I am delivered!

02:16:39.000 Yeah, people, like, they want to pretend that things are different than what they are, you know?

02:16:43.000 And they feel like just by pretending they did well.

02:16:46.000 But don't you, I mean, I never think I, I could get a standing ovation and look at the one man just staring at me and be like, that did not go great.

02:16:55.000 Or the one line that you flubbed.

02:16:57.000 Of course! 1.00

02:16:57.000 I will murder and get a standing ovation and then I'll think about one line that I fucked up for days. 1.00

02:17:02.000 It would drive me nuts. 1.00

02:17:03.000 I'll be in the gym and just in the middle of my workout going, fuck! 1.00

02:17:08.000 Fuck, fuck, fuck! 1.00

02:17:10.000 But I think that's what makes you good. 1.00

02:17:13.000 Because you don't really...

02:17:14.000 Like last night went great.

02:17:16.000 I had a great time.

02:17:17.000 It was a great show.

02:17:18.000 And I'm okay.

02:17:19.000 But luckily nothing fucked up.

02:17:22.000 But I'm not happy with it.

02:17:25.000 That's how I feel all the time.

02:17:27.000 I always say to the crowd, no matter how much you clap, it'll never fill the hole.

02:17:34.000 And some of them look confused and I'm like my emotional halt like it'll never I just but I think the best comics feel that way I think so I think to be really good You I think you have to be really self-critical because you're always changing and analyzing and you're always You're auditing your act you're looking at the bits and like is this worthy?

02:17:56.000 Is this good?

02:17:57.000 You know you gotta I look at my act like a hater like I'm a hater me too.

02:18:01.000 Yeah, I think that's the best way Yeah.

02:18:04.000 I really do.

02:18:04.000 I make myself nauseous sometimes.

02:18:06.000 Yeah.

02:18:07.000 You should.

02:18:09.000 Doug Stanhope told me, I think he said he looked at his act like he was trying to defend it like a defense attorney and then would go over the bits that way, like if you had to defend them in court, which is very smart.

02:18:24.000 That's very smart.

02:18:25.000 Very smart, yeah.

02:18:26.000 It's a good way to do it.

02:18:28.000 And I had a similar approach in that I would go over it like if I was someone who hated me and saw me do comedy, Like, what part would I mock?

02:18:38.000 I gotta get rid of that part.

02:18:40.000 That's tough.

02:18:40.000 Yeah, I gotta cut that out.

02:18:42.000 I gotta make these bits better.

02:18:43.000 Just make them undeniable.

02:18:45.000 I know. 1.00

02:18:45.000 So that even if someone's a hater, like, that guy's an asshole, but fuck, he killed. 1.00

02:18:49.000 Yeah, I don't... 1.00

02:18:51.000 I'm never okay with jokes that just get...

02:18:53.000 Like, I wanna rip the room apart.

02:18:55.000 Yeah, and those jokes, it's like sometimes you can hang on to them and they'll grow and blossom and become something killer, but you never know when.

02:19:02.000 You never know if you should abandon them or keep going.

02:19:05.000 I know.

02:19:06.000 I give it like a couple of months and then I... Normally I'll be like, this one's not gonna...

02:19:12.000 I can tell sometimes when it's just not gonna go anywhere.

02:19:16.000 Right.

02:19:16.000 Yeah, there's bits that you can tell and then there's other ones that one day you just figure it out.

02:19:23.000 Yeah.

02:19:23.000 Like one day you just go down another road when you're on stage and all of a sudden everyone's laughing.

02:19:28.000 You're like, holy fuck, I found it. 0.99

02:19:30.000 It's the best, isn't it? 1.00

02:19:31.000 It's a wild feeling.

02:19:33.000 It's a wild feeling. 0.99

02:19:34.000 I worked with Shane Gillis last night, and he's got these new bits that he's working on, and it's so funny because he goes on stage, he's killing, and then he has these new bits that he inserts, and he goes, and then I fucking eat shit. 0.96

02:19:47.000 Because these new bits are just not ready. 0.94

02:19:51.000 And I go, but one day, they'll be ready.

02:19:55.000 He's like, yeah, but not tonight.

02:19:57.000 No.

02:20:01.000 And we all know that pain.

02:20:03.000 It's horrific.

02:20:06.000 It's so bad.

02:20:07.000 It's the worst.

02:20:09.000 I mean, I hate doing new bits because I'm spoiled.

02:20:11.000 Like, I'm used to getting big laughs, so it's so uncomfortable.

02:20:15.000 Yeah.

02:20:16.000 But you have to.

02:20:17.000 I mean...

02:20:17.000 The scariest time for me in comedy, for sure, is when I put a special out, and then I have to write a whole new act, and then people come to see you.

02:20:28.000 That must be so hard at your level.

02:20:31.000 I can't even complain.

02:20:32.000 At your level, when you get to that level, to have to do new stuff, it's not easy.

02:20:38.000 I'm sorry.

02:20:39.000 But it's fun.

02:20:40.000 It's still fun, but it's just like it forces you to really think.

02:20:44.000 And usually you have a few months.

02:20:46.000 But the problem is you're essentially writing a whole new hour in four months.

02:20:51.000 That's, how do you, I mean, that's not easy.

02:20:54.000 It's not easy, but you have to write all the time.

02:20:56.000 The thing is, you have to write all the time outside of when you're writing a new hour, so that you have framework.

02:21:03.000 Right.

02:21:04.000 Like, you have some ideas that you can expand on. 1.00

02:21:06.000 But if you just start from scratch, you're fucked. 1.00

02:21:09.000 Like, you're really genuinely fucked. 1.00

02:21:12.000 Yeah, you have to consistently write, period. 0.99

02:21:15.000 And even then, the ideas don't always come.

02:21:18.000 Like ideas are like fertile ground.

02:21:20.000 Like you could try to, I'm planting seeds.

02:21:22.000 Bro, you're in the desert. 1.00

02:21:24.000 Shit's not going to grow. 1.00

02:21:25.000 Fuck. 1.00

02:21:26.000 Like you could have, your mind could be a desert sometimes. 1.00

02:21:29.000 No, I know.

02:21:29.000 I have to be in a certain frame, good frame of mind to write.

02:21:32.000 Like I could, you know, that's like during COVID, I was not feeling creative.

02:21:36.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:21:37.000 My brain was dead.

02:21:39.000 Yeah, I thought I was going to do a lot of writing.

02:21:40.000 I didn't write at all.

02:21:42.000 Oh, me either.

02:21:42.000 People that had a new hour.

02:21:44.000 I'm like, how did you write that much during COVID? I barely could get out of bed.

02:21:49.000 Some people are stimulated by the stress.

02:21:53.000 I couldn't do it.

02:21:55.000 I write on stage a lot.

02:21:57.000 Yeah, when you feel you're in the zone, right?

02:21:59.000 Yeah, that's why I tape myself because I go up with an idea and then I come up with a bit.

02:22:06.000 Yeah, that's very wise.

02:22:07.000 That's a good way to come up with comedy because you hit that weird headspace that you hit when you're killing on stage and then you can find ideas and figure out a way to do them.

02:22:17.000 But I feel like you got to write right too.

02:22:19.000 I feel like it's all those things.

02:22:21.000 You gotta write right.

02:22:22.000 You gotta let ideas happen and come to you like when you're just driving around your car.

02:22:27.000 And also you have to write on stage. 1.00

02:22:29.000 You have to fuck around on stage. 1.00

02:22:30.000 You have to take chances. 1.00

02:22:32.000 Do you think you're going to do your next special, like put it out there for people for free?

02:22:36.000 I'm thinking about it.

02:22:37.000 I think you should.

02:22:37.000 I'm thinking about it.

02:22:39.000 I'm concerned that the editorial decisions that streaming networks might make about bits in the future are going to get more and more stringent.

02:22:50.000 They're going to decide jokes you can and can't say.

02:22:53.000 Even if you have a point, even if there's a definitive position that you're taking because you're trying to explain, you're trying to talk about language, you're trying to talk about If you say certain words, people are going to say, you can't do that.

02:23:05.000 You can't do this.

02:23:06.000 You can't say that.

02:23:07.000 Even if you have a point, you can't.

02:23:09.000 And they're worried about people being pissed.

02:23:13.000 They're worried about the wokesters. 0.99

02:23:15.000 They're worried about corporate sponsors or whatever the fuck it is. 1.00

02:23:21.000 I'm just worried about killing. 1.00

02:23:23.000 I'm out there to kill. 0.97

02:23:25.000 So when I'm killing, I'm using all the words at my disposal. 0.93

02:23:29.000 So we're playing a different game.

02:23:30.000 They're playing a game where they want to piss off the least amount of people while entertaining the most amount of people.

02:23:36.000 And anything that stands out, it has to be so popular.

02:23:42.000 That they'll let this controversial idea flourish and then they have to deal with the wave of articles that get written in all these woke online websites where they attack them for violence or for creating unsafe environments or for this or that.

02:24:02.000 All this new jargon and buzzwords. 0.99

02:24:05.000 It's just bullshit. 0.99

02:24:06.000 Because, you know, these same people that are attacking, you're listening to music that has horrific language and content in it. 1.00

02:24:14.000 You're watching movies where people are getting murdered.

02:24:17.000 It's crazy.

02:24:18.000 It's weird.

02:24:19.000 I know.

02:24:20.000 The music is really wow.

02:24:22.000 Yeah.

02:24:23.000 Yeah.

02:24:24.000 Well, that was Spotify.

02:24:25.000 Daniel Ek, who's the CEO of Spotify, someone asked him about some of the content of my podcast.

02:24:32.000 And he said, much like we don't censor any of the content of all the music artists, we're not in the content censoring business.

02:24:39.000 Like if someone violates our codes of conduct, that's a different thing.

02:24:43.000 But none of what he does, does that.

02:24:45.000 I mean, what a simple point.

02:24:47.000 That's so true.

02:24:49.000 But that point gets lost today because people, they capitulate to the mob.

02:24:55.000 And the mob is always looking for blood.

02:24:57.000 They're always looking for a new victim.

02:24:59.000 I mean, and it's become a sport.

02:25:02.000 Recreational outrage is a sport online.

02:25:05.000 It's people enjoy it, and they enjoy attacking targets, and they enjoy taking people down.

02:25:10.000 They love getting people fired.

02:25:12.000 It's weird.

02:25:13.000 And it's the left, which is so strange, because the left, from when I grew up, was always people that supported free speech.

02:25:22.000 People that were, you know, like the ACLU supported Nazis.

02:25:28.000 They let Nazis in the KKK talk because they recognized, like, listen, the only way to protect speech is to allow all speech.

02:25:36.000 And the way you counter bad speech is with better speech.

02:25:40.000 I mean, this was like a rock-solid perspective that was like a fundamental aspect of being a liberal.

02:25:48.000 Of being a progressive.

02:25:51.000 It's not that way anymore.

02:25:52.000 Well, I think if you say that you support free speech now, you're labeled a right-wing Republican.

02:25:59.000 I'm serious.

02:26:00.000 The Republicans are the new punk rockers.

02:26:02.000 I'm serious.

02:26:05.000 I think that you're labeled something right away when you say you support something.

02:26:11.000 And that's what's happening.

02:26:15.000 The thing is, those unreasonable people, Are at least slowly in many circles being exposed because their unreasonable takes are so predictable because that's what they do.

02:26:27.000 They attack things, they attack things, this very rigid, woke ideology that's oftentimes unsustainable. 0.91

02:26:35.000 And then usually someone will dig through their Twitter and find some shit that they said like 10 years ago or seven years ago and we find that out, but... 0.93

02:26:44.000 But Ari said it best. 0.97

02:26:46.000 He said this is a great time because comedy is dangerous again.

02:26:50.000 It's actually dangerous.

02:26:51.000 Yeah.

02:26:52.000 I just think you can have different opinions about different things and not be labeled as one way or another or whatever.

02:27:00.000 The labeling has gotten really out of control.

02:27:05.000 It's also the instinct to attack.

02:27:08.000 People are so...

02:27:09.000 Online attacks are so...

02:27:13.000 It's such a part of the culture now.

02:27:15.000 Call-outs.

02:27:16.000 And it doesn't have to be valid.

02:27:19.000 It doesn't have to be legitimate.

02:27:20.000 People are just looking for excuses.

02:27:22.000 And when there's no viable targets, they'll find one. 0.99

02:27:25.000 That's the problem with this online mob shit is that they keep moving the goalposts about what's acceptable. 0.97

02:27:32.000 It's not like they get everybody in a good, agreeable pattern and they go, okay, we're not going to attack anyone anymore. 0.99

02:27:38.000 No, there's already a common pattern of attacking people online.

02:27:42.000 So if everybody toes the line and wokeism has a very clear line in the sand, they'll just move that line 100 yards to the left and start attacking people that used to be okay.

02:27:53.000 Yeah.

02:27:54.000 Yeah, I get it.

02:27:55.000 I mean, I've been accused of things that I'm not, and it really was very upsetting.

02:28:00.000 You know, and I freaked out, and then someone said to me, Jessica, this will be gone in about maybe 48 hours, and that's exactly what happened.

02:28:07.000 Yeah.

02:28:07.000 It literally went on to another comic after that.

02:28:10.000 It's like it goes so fast.

02:28:12.000 Yeah.

02:28:12.000 It just is like a tornado, and then it goes on to the next person.

02:28:16.000 Yeah.

02:28:17.000 It's weird.

02:28:17.000 But if you get caught up in it, if you're a person that likes to read all your comments...

02:28:22.000 I can't.

02:28:23.000 I did it.

02:28:24.000 I did it.

02:28:24.000 I got into it and I said, I'll never do it again.

02:28:28.000 It's very bad for you.

02:28:29.000 It's horrible.

02:28:31.000 It's so upsetting because, first of all, there's nothing you can do about it.

02:28:35.000 What are you going to argue with people on Twitter, like anonymous people?

02:28:39.000 It's horrible.

02:28:41.000 I mean, no one really knows you unless they know you.

02:28:45.000 Exactly.

02:28:46.000 I mean, these people don't really know you, and they don't know me, unless they really have a relationship with us.

02:28:53.000 It's a bad way to communicate.

02:28:55.000 You get no social cues, you get no feedback, there's no emotional interaction between you and the person like it is normally.

02:29:03.000 You don't get to feel who they really are.

02:29:05.000 It's just text.

02:29:07.000 It's just cold, nasty text.

02:29:10.000 I know.

02:29:11.000 Not good.

02:29:12.000 It's not good.

02:29:14.000 So I don't engage in it.

02:29:16.000 Yeah.

02:29:16.000 And just because you feel one way about something doesn't mean you feel that way about all things that one party feels.

02:29:24.000 So many people are in the middle on so many things.

02:29:28.000 Yeah.

02:29:29.000 The center is a pretty...

02:29:29.000 It's a heavily occupied space where everybody shuts their mouth.

02:29:34.000 Yeah.

02:29:35.000 Because everyone's scared.

02:29:36.000 So many people are in the center right now.

02:29:38.000 It's hushed tones.

02:29:39.000 Yes.

02:29:40.000 You know what I think?

02:29:41.000 You know what I think they're doing?

02:29:42.000 And then they'll tell you.

02:29:44.000 Yeah.

02:29:44.000 It's weird.

02:29:46.000 When do you think you'll do another special?

02:29:48.000 I made a goal to do one in about six months, and I'm going to put it out on YouTube because I am not going to depend on any network to try and sell it to anymore.

02:30:00.000 Why don't you do it at my club?

02:30:01.000 Oh! 0.94

02:30:02.000 Joe, I would kill to do it there. 0.93

02:30:05.000 Let's do it. 0.98

02:30:05.000 I've been looking for a venue and that would be, I mean, killer. 0.98

02:30:08.000 Oh, let's go.

02:30:09.000 I would love it.

02:30:10.000 That is like, I'm in.

02:30:12.000 All right, let's plan on that.

02:30:13.000 I'm in.

02:30:13.000 All right, beautiful.

02:30:14.000 I will do it.

02:30:16.000 You think it'll be open by then?

02:30:17.000 Yes.

02:30:18.000 That's sick.

02:30:19.000 Yes.

02:30:20.000 I'll do it 100% at your venue.

02:30:23.000 All right, good, beautiful.

02:30:25.000 I mean, yes.

02:30:27.000 I love it.

02:30:28.000 All right.

02:30:29.000 Should we wrap this up?

02:30:30.000 Yeah.

02:30:30.000 All right.

02:30:30.000 Tell everybody how to get a hold of you on the internets.

02:30:36.000 Well, I have a website, JessicaKerson.com, and I'm on TikTok.

02:30:41.000 I, again, post.

02:30:42.000 I love it so much.

02:30:44.000 Do you dance?

02:30:46.000 No!

02:30:47.000 But that's what it's for.

02:30:48.000 You're supposed to be TikTok-ing.

02:30:48.000 No, I post a lot of crowd work videos.

02:30:50.000 I'm serious.

02:30:51.000 Maybe if you TikTok-ed a little bit on top of that, it would really boost your profile.

02:30:54.000 Yeah, well, you know what?

02:30:56.000 I'm going to dance at these Baptist churches.

02:31:00.000 There it is.

02:31:01.000 Jessica Curzon.

02:31:02.000 Yeah, but you know what?

02:31:03.000 Listen, I have like 79,000...

02:31:07.000 8.6 million views, son.

02:31:09.000 Yeah, that's TikTok?

02:31:12.000 That's pretty impressive. 0.97

02:31:13.000 Holy shit, I didn't even know there was that many. 0.99

02:31:15.000 That's amazing. 0.99

02:31:16.000 That's good.

02:31:17.000 Yeah.

02:31:17.000 You got a lot of views, kid.

02:31:20.000 Congratulations!

02:31:21.000 You big, big, big on TikTok.

02:31:23.000 Listen, I am one of the only female comics that does a shitload of crowd work. 1.00

02:31:27.000 You know?

02:31:28.000 I do a lot of crowd work in my act.

02:31:30.000 I love it so much. 1.00

02:31:31.000 I love talking to dumb people. 1.00

02:31:33.000 Yeah, I've seen it. 1.00

02:31:37.000 Yeah, so I'm on TikTok, and then I Instagram, Jesse Curson, and, you know, all that shit.

02:31:43.000 But I have a ton of road dates coming up, so people, I'd love you to come out and see my shows.

02:31:47.000 So JessicaCurson.com is the best place to get on.

02:31:50.000 Yeah.

02:31:50.000 All right.

02:31:50.000 Yeah.

02:31:51.000 I appreciate you, my friend.

02:31:52.000 You're the best.

02:31:52.000 No, you're the best.

02:31:53.000 I love being here.

02:31:54.000 I love having you.

02:31:55.000 And you're doing amazing things for comics.

02:31:57.000 Absolutely.

02:31:58.000 We'll do it more.

02:31:59.000 Yeah.

02:31:59.000 All right.

02:32:00.000 Thank you for everything you do.

02:32:02.000 My pleasure.

02:32:02.000 Bye, everybody.

The Joe Rogan Experience - October 06, 2021

Joe Rogan Experience #1715 - Jessica Kirson

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Transcript