This week, the boys talk about chicken sex, sex with a chicken, and the time a cop found a chicken in his lap while on duty. Also, a guy who got raped by a horse, and a man who was so drunk he couldn t remember his own name. Joe Rogan Experience is brought to you by The Fleshlight, the number one sex toy for men. It is an excellent alternative to masturbation without it, and I recommend it a lot. It comes in different shapes, buttholes, mouths, mouth mouths, you can get whatever you're down for even like vampire mouths. Go get some Alien mouths or alien vaginas. I need an Easter Bunny flashlight, it needs to look like a bunny's vagina. Just cross the line, fella. Could you imagine? With real rabbit hair on it? Or fake rabbit hair? Or rabbit hair with fake rabbit feet? Oh wait, could you imagine that? I'm using it right now, and it's awesome! I like it. I m using it. It's awesome. If you go to JoeRogan.net and click on the link for the code ROGAN, and then enter in the code "ROGAN" and then you will get 15% off the Fleshlight! You will get the most awesome sex toy you ve ever heard of! The biggest sex toy in the world, the one you ve heard of? - the one with butthole and mouth? the one that looks like an alien vagina? Brian and Joe talk about the one of all the things they ve got in their lives. The one of the best sex toys they ve ever had in their life. Joe and Brian talk about sex and the one they ve had in this episode, and why they think it s so good, and how it s the best, and what it s going to be like to fuck a chicken. And they talk about how they love it and why it s good and how they don t even need a condom, but it s better than a condom. They also talk about why they like it and how to make it better than the other one and why you should have a condom and how much they should be allowed to have sex in their house. It s not even close to their house anymore. You can t get much better than that. This episode is a good one. - Joe and the boys are in love, bros.
00:00:03.000The Joe Rogan Experience Podcast is brought to you by The Fleshlight.
00:00:08.000If you go to JoeRogan.net and click on the link for The Fleshlight and then enter in the code name ROGAN, you will get 15% off the number one sex toy for men.
00:00:18.000It is an excellent alternative to masturbation without it.
00:00:52.000Like, when you see those rabbit foots that truck stops that are so creepy, it looks like there's, like, a hard bubble gum in the middle of it.
00:00:56.000My buddy was a cop in San Francisco, and he found a, uh, uh, this guy had a sheet, a Chinese guy had this sheet over his lap, And my buddy goes, something's going on with that fucking sheet.
00:01:09.000And that guy's parked in a weird place.
00:03:48.000And he had, when they found out he was doing all kinds of terrible things, in fact, I think he was the guy they did, they based Silence of the Lambs on, the guy, you know, he ate people.
00:03:56.000And they found that he had fucking, like, 25 pins in his testicles and a bunch of hat pins in his anus.
00:04:05.000He was sticking them all the way to his anus.
00:04:06.000And they were like, you know, when the psychiatrist found that it was because he couldn't feel anything, and he had to do that just to feel something.
00:05:31.000If you examine the statement, the efficiency of your brain.
00:05:35.000So your brain would work more efficiently than otherwise.
00:05:38.000I would imagine that if I were to put you in a life and death situation or if I were to put you in a situation where that really counted, your brain would work better or at least more efficiently or at least more alertly Then would your brain if we were just sitting around shooting shit, right?
00:06:05.000And the guy who gets up from the table to last is the winner.
00:06:10.000Jesus Christ, that makes my dick hurt just thinking about it.
00:06:12.000That is the craziest shit in the world.
00:06:15.000But, you know, the reality of consciousness is that we have ebbs and lulls, and we have moments where we can't remember things, and we have, where the fuck did I put my key moments?
00:06:27.000Well, you have your days where you're, you know, whatever your connection, whatever the full symbiotic connection of things that's going on to make your mind function work.
00:06:36.000A lot of that, they think, has to do with hormones, too, right?
00:07:02.000There's a guy named Robert Lustig and another guy named Scott Conley, both doctors, and another science writer named Gary Taub, who wrote a couple of great books.
00:07:11.000One is Good Calories, Bad Calories, and another book that was a follow-up to that book, which is a shorter book called I Think What Makes Us Fat or Why We Get Fat.
00:07:18.000And through 20 years of research and more, and by the way, Barry Sears, who was, I think, a scientist over at MIT who was one of the pioneers in time-release drugs, and he also wrote The Zone.
00:07:31.000Well, if you look at all their research, and these guys are on a clinical level, and they're looking at what happens to your body, they're trying to measure things like inflammation in the body, which is very difficult to do, but they're doing all these things.
00:07:41.000What they found is that insulin, which is this mother hormone, is directly related to a lot of health issues.
00:07:50.000So when you look at athletes or you look at people trying to be healthy, the idea is to eat foods that keep your insulin somewhat neutral.
00:07:57.000Because otherwise, when you eat foods that oxidize as sugar, glucose in your system right away, you run into a host of, you can measure that there are a host of health problems And so, a guy like Robert Lustig just came out with this long hour and a half speech that he gave somewhere.
00:08:19.000And Gary Taubes kind of conferred in the New York Times saying, he said, I think sugar is a toxin.
00:08:36.000It's doing the child harm, and here are the host of reasons for it.
00:08:40.000And if you actually look at the literature, and then more importantly, if you look at what athletes are doing, and especially Olympic athletes, they stay away from sugar for the most part.
00:11:33.000And the Shroom Tech Immune, this is the new one, and as far as I understand it, the way it works is that it's a different mushroom, and this mushroom gives your body the impression that it's under attack by like a bug, you know, like a cold or something like that.
00:11:47.000So your immune system fires up for an attack that never comes.
00:11:56.000Anyway, and as I say with all of these things, The ingredients are available on Onnit.com.
00:12:01.000Go to O-N-N-I-T. And if you think it costs too much money, if you have any sort of argument about pricing, go buy it in the cheapest form, steal the ingredient list, and make it yourself.
00:12:12.000You can do it, and you probably will save money.
00:20:33.000Well, at one point they were tagging them and what they found was they would follow them after they would tag them and they were all coming into four and five foot deep water at the Santa Monica Pier.
00:21:18.000And you'll see a helicopter shooting a website thing.
00:21:20.000And there was like an 18-footer just swimming around just about, you know, I don't know, a quarter mile, less than, it was probably an eighth of a mile offshore.
00:21:28.000You know, let's call it 300 yards offshore.
00:22:24.000Oh no, there are times, certain times of the year they put flags, that purple flags, you can't swim because the bull sharks, they're all migrating this way.
00:22:31.000And then you got the spinners and they'll bite your hand and feet.
00:23:52.000The only time a piranha will actually eat you is when they're starving in little mud pools and you put your hand in there and they haven't eaten.
00:23:58.000They've eaten everything else there and they're starving.
00:24:48.000I mean, it's like it is a part of the food chain and everything, and it's life, and it's natural, and it's just the way it works out in the wild.
00:24:55.000I mean, animals eat animals, and that's just the way it goes.
00:24:57.000But there's something about just watching this slaughter every couple days in my house.
00:27:18.000Well, the zoologist, I just did a Raiders show, and the zoologist was on the show in fucking Fort Lauderdale, right?
00:27:24.000And the guy's been to Africa 35 times, he's a documentary filmmaker, and he said, he goes, dude, I was in Rwanda, and I watched a giraffe drinking, and a croc come out, grab that giraffe by the head, pull it into the fucking water, drown it, and twist its head off, and then its friends came in and ate the rest of that fucking giraffe, so nobody's safe, okay?
00:27:47.000And by the way, you know what else ain't safe?
00:29:03.000You know, the fact that we live in a society where I don't have to worry about a Mongol horde coming over that hill killing everybody I know.
00:29:09.000Not yet, but long as this Obama's in office, I'll tell you what.
00:29:13.000You've got to stock up on your office.
00:30:06.000What is the NDAA? That was the bill that essentially makes America a battleground, officially classifies it as a battleground so the military can come in and stop civil unrest.
00:30:17.000And they can detain people indefinitely.
00:30:21.000They don't have to have warrants anymore.
00:30:23.000That kind of thing won't get through the Senate.
00:30:44.000That's the de facto difference between the FBI and the CIA. The FBI deals with domestic issues.
00:30:48.000The CIA is supposed to deal with foreign issues.
00:30:50.000And by the way, you're never allowed to spy on your own citizens.
00:30:54.000There's a very, very specific reason for that very strong separation between a foreign power service, a foreign service, and a domestic service.
00:31:04.000Yeah, when you get to the point where you're just automatically opening up to the idea that you can't trust anybody, that everybody must be able to be scanned and stopped and searched.
00:31:15.000Before the podcast of a book that I'm reading now, and I've read some of his other books, Leon Uris is considered one of the great writers.
00:31:27.000U-R-I-S. And Leon Uris writes historical novels.
00:31:30.000And if you ever want to learn history, you know, whenever you say to somebody, well, you should learn the history of Ireland, the problem with that is that how do you, you know, a lot of young people, I get, like, texts after I do these things or tweets, and they say, hey, can you give me a reading list or whatever?
00:31:42.000And the problem with educating yourself today is it's very hard to know what to read.
00:31:46.000It's also very hard if I say, well, you should educate yourself on history.
00:31:54.000If you want to learn about history, if you want to learn about a history of the Middle East, you want to learn a history of Ireland, you want to learn a history of the founding of the State of Israel, which I'm reading now, a book called Exodus.
00:32:03.000If you want to learn about Ireland, read a book called Trinity.
00:32:05.000If you want to learn about the Arab world, the Middle East, read the Hajj.
00:32:08.000Leon Uris is a guy who was a foreign correspondent, Who spent a great deal of time all over the world and happens to be a fucking brilliant writer.
00:32:19.000He wrote most of his books in the 70s and the 80s and I think even the 60s, but he's considered a great writer.
00:32:25.000And the point I'm making is that when you talk about how a society and its laws and its government can sneak up on you, if you read Exodus about what happened to the Jews in Poland and in Germany, You're talking about a group of people who lived there for 700 years, and many of them were very well established in all fields, whether it was science, academia, the arts, and things like that.
00:32:51.000So when all this anti-Semitic behavior started occurring under Hitler's regime, and it started really in, like, 1933, Where stores are being broken in, articles being read about blaming the Jews for everything, people were being dragged out in the street and beaten up.
00:33:07.000The majority of the Jewish people who were established in those societies were like, look, I go back generations.
00:33:18.000And by the way, I've written several books and my roots are in this society.
00:33:24.000If you ever told any of them, That, well, your government's going to come round up all of you, all of you, and I'm going to give you some numbers in a second, and they're going to kill everybody you know, and worse, they're going to gas, torture, and starve them all in a systematic way in concentration camps.
00:33:41.000That was a true apocalypse, and if you don't know anything about the Holocaust or World War II, then you're remiss because it's the worst event in recorded history, but it's also very important to study because you don't understand and can't fathom The depth of human evil until you see that.
00:34:02.000It was very rational, cool-minded men with shaved cheeks who sat in a room dressed in medals and in suits who came up with something called the final solution, which was to kill every single Jew in the world.
00:34:18.000And in Poland alone, out of 3.1 million Jews who'd been there for 700 years, mostly in ghettos, but who had deep roots and huge contributions to that society and Germany, at the end of World War II, and this is just five, six years, there were 50,000 left.
00:34:35.000All of whom were wretches, all of whom were starving, all of whom were coming out of the concentration camps like Birkenau, Auschwitz, Treblinka, and all these things.
00:34:45.000So if you really think that you're safe, or if you really think that giving anybody power over you, Is a good idea.
00:35:20.000And if you look at anybody in power, I don't care if it's Republican or Democrat.
00:35:27.000This is why I'm a Ron Paul supporter, because if you look at anybody in power, when you're in power, you have an impulse to try to solve a problem.
00:36:24.000My God, even the Nazis, for God's sake, even the Nazis, that monstrous machine, defined what they were doing along what they would consider moral grounds.
00:36:36.000Hitler was trying to quote-unquote Solve the Jewish problem, etc.
00:36:41.000And the propaganda that had Ukrainians and Poles cheering on those firing squads as they were killing Jews, that's what happens.
00:37:12.000But if you read that book, and he brings it down to such a personal level, it is the unthinkable and it's the unspeakable.
00:37:19.000And it's almost like it was the first event of that magnitude, a horrific event of that magnitude, where air travel had just become sort of a big player in the way the world functioned.
00:37:33.000Because people could fly over you and drop shit on you.
00:39:05.000These are women and these are infants and they all had names and they all had...
00:39:09.000They all had families and they all had connections.
00:39:11.000They were all as human as you and I. And it's very natural for us to kind of say, well, that was a long time ago and they may have looked at life differently.
00:39:23.000And it's overwhelming and too much for your heart to bear if you really think about what human beings have done to other human beings, especially the Holocaust.
00:39:32.000It's why the Holocaust, that word, That word, the Holocaust, which I believe means the Great Fire, or a derivation of that.
00:39:40.000That's why that word is used only for that specific event in history, because they did get burned.
00:39:46.000They did get put in ovens, and all trace of them was washed away.
00:39:50.000Because as the Russians and the Americans closed in on those camps, they had to get rid of all the evidence.
00:39:55.000So they blew up all those gas chambers.
00:40:15.000One is, and human beings have always done it, And I'll explain why we're living in a world where it's harder to do, but what you do is just misinformation, propaganda.
00:40:24.000You say, hey, guess who's causing all your financial problems?
00:40:29.000A group called the Jews, or a group called the Chinese, or a group called the blacks.
00:40:34.000And by the way, they also kill their own kids and they're subhuman.
00:40:39.000And you take young men who have no education or have been educated specifically and they're full of fire and what they go to war for is to protect what they consider their way of life.
00:40:51.000See, I don't think people go to war for hatred.
00:40:52.000I think people go to war because they're in love with their way of life and they're trying to protect their families.
00:40:57.000They're trying to protect their way of life.
00:40:59.000And that's how you create a real soldier and a dedicated patriot.
00:41:20.000But the good news in 2011 is that it's becoming harder and harder to do because of the internet and we're all getting closer and closer together.
00:41:30.000And it's easier to kind of empathize with somebody when you see them suffering, when videotape doesn't lie.
00:41:37.000When you can hear their voices and they create political bodies and groups and they say, you know, look, we bleed and we cry just like you do.
00:41:49.000And that's what I think has a lot to do with breaking down These natural, tribal tendencies that human beings have.
00:42:14.000Look at the nationalism involved in my team versus your team.
00:42:17.000I mean, you know, these big rivalries.
00:42:20.000But the good news is that I believe that, and I may be naive, but I don't think so, that pulling off something as horrific as what happened in the Holocaust would be very difficult, very difficult today, and almost probably impossible because too many of us would go, this is outrageous.
00:42:37.000I don't think it would get as bad as the Holocaust, but I think it's happening right now.
00:42:42.000Well, it happened in Rwanda in the 90s, right?
00:42:49.000And those places, again, are pretty remote and still haven't, but most of Africa, I can't remember the number, but there are an inordinate amount of cell phones in Africa.
00:42:58.000And during the violence in Kenya recently, people started videotaping soldiers raping women.
00:44:22.000There was an earthquake in Ohio, and they found out, well, there's some controversy that it might be because they're drilling for wells, and that they actually had to shut it down because there was some recent activity from this drilling.
00:44:34.000They've noticed that the activity has been higher than normal, and so they shut it down, and then just a little bit of time later, there was a 4.3 earthquake in Youngstown, Ohio.
00:45:46.000Because we have water shortage in parts of this country, but apparently there's a massive aquifer that they say is going to push a lot of industry in that direction.
00:46:22.000We had to divert water from the Colorado River, and the Owens Valley just dried the fuck out.
00:46:28.000That's what Chinatown's about, where the Owens Valley had all these farmers and this way of life, and they were like, the powers that be came in and go, we need to grow fucking orange groves, and by the way, let's start the movie industry here because the weather's predictable.
00:50:55.000And I don't think they quite understand something can move as fast as a car.
00:50:58.000Because in nature, I think they get a lot more of a warning than a goddamn car.
00:51:01.000Well, it's also hard to judge because the car is on one level.
00:51:04.000So when it's coming at you on a highway, you can't tell how fast it is because it operates on the same planes.
00:51:08.000Oh, because it's not jumping up and down?
00:51:10.000Yeah, if you look at the way a cheetah runs or a predator runs, they stay on one level, so they're not jumping up and down.
00:51:16.000Whereas a gazelle is jumping up and down, right?
00:51:17.000You can measure how fast they're going.
00:51:20.000But physics-wise, when something is operating along the same plane, it's much harder to judge their speed.
00:51:25.000That's why when you're on a highway and a car is coming at you, you can't tell if it's going 90 or 60 because it's staying at the same level.
00:51:31.000Now, is it an efficiency thing for a cat or something like that?
00:51:35.000More, apparently, more just evolution-wise, it's so the animal that it's chasing can't tell how fast it's coming out.
00:51:42.000It doesn't run according, it just runs, right?
00:52:12.000It's a rat like the size of a big fucking dog, man.
00:52:16.000And this jaguar is sitting there just completely frozen, like not moving at all.
00:52:21.000And the video takes like, it takes four minutes of the jaguar doing nothing until he launches himself on this thing.
00:52:27.000You know, jaguars, which are very big cats, will eat a human right quick.
00:52:31.000The one cat you don't want to be around is a jaguar more than anything else, including a tiger.
00:52:36.000You don't want to fuck around with it.
00:52:37.000Well, you know when people take ayahuasca, that DMT beverage that they take in South America, one of the big visions that people have is jaguars.
00:52:48.000Dude, you know, my buddy works for, like, the Secret Service, you know?
00:52:54.000And you know they get calls all the time because, like, sometimes they'll get their foreign service guys who go in and they'll fucking take, like, they try to mix in with the locals and they'll take drugs and then they'll just end up in the middle of the fucking Amazon or the Congo and they have to get a search team to go find them because they took some fucking drug and there are several stories like that.
00:54:17.000All of a sudden, the people started giving him Boba Fett offerings, okay?
00:54:24.000So, like, a week later, Boba Fett has a fucking pile of everything from food to cigarettes, like a whole mountain, like right here, okay?
00:54:34.000Then, a black market starts developing over Boba Fett dolls, Boba Fett costumes, and people started coming up with Boba Fett costumes and dolls and stuff, trying to get in because they thought that was kind of who you had to talk to.
00:54:44.000They figured this guy was, they figured this guy's obviously talking to Boba Fett, and this guy, and he's a Boba Fett fanatic, so we should show allegiance to Boba Fett.
00:54:51.000So people were coming and dressed like Boba Fett and the US Embassy had to be like, alright, we gotta fucking stop this.
00:54:55.000Take that fucking doll out of here right fucking now.
00:54:58.000Because the guy was like, hee hee hee!
00:55:35.000They spent $100,000 importing sand for volleyball courts.
00:55:40.000So they brought $100,000 worth of sand in for the volleyball courts as opposed to just getting the sand in Iraq.
00:55:46.000I'm sure you could find fucking sand somewhere in Iraq.
00:55:49.000Nah, let's import it from the states because everybody's got their fucking mouths at the government trough.
00:55:54.000And when you've got a war going on, there's so much money to be made, and everybody does it.
00:55:58.000And it's just a confluence of fucking events.
00:56:00.000And everybody, everybody who goes there, you have a project, you have money, and you want to build a big dam or a power, a big power plant, right?
00:56:10.000It doesn't matter if the fucking Iraqis need it or not.
00:56:13.000What matters is that you burn your money.
00:56:15.000You get judged by your burn rate, okay?
00:56:17.000You have a certain allotted budget and you have to get a fucking huge power plant, whether it's needed there or not.
00:56:24.000The point is to get it done because then you get a promotion or your project is a success.
00:56:30.000And that shit was going on and continues to go on in Iraq for the past ten fucking years.
00:58:07.000Because I said, how much of this is like a group of men, a cabal of evil men, or how much of this is centrally planned, or people have different interests?
00:58:15.000And he said, dude, it's not like that.
00:58:17.000He said, what it is, is there's just a whole bunch of, and I'll give you another example of what's happening now.
00:58:21.000He said, what it is, is there's a whole bunch of interests working, a whole bunch of money to be made, and everybody has a different opinion.
00:58:29.000And some opinions win the day and others don't, right?
00:58:31.000And so the State Department has their own agenda, the executive has their agenda, and everybody has their own agenda.
00:58:37.000But ultimately enough shit starts to be kind of like talked about where you start creating an enemy, you start saying this might be a good idea for the following reasons, and pretty soon there's so much, there's so many sort of, there's so many groups of people that have a vested interest In going in, and usually it's an intellectual interest.
00:58:57.000Usually it's like, I think we can bring democracy to the Middle East.
00:59:00.000And that's a very grandiose idea and a grandiose plan.
00:59:02.000Oh, and by the way, because it's going to make the world safer at the end of the day.
00:59:05.000There are a lot of idealistic people involved in this as well, not just money people.
00:59:08.000And all of a sudden, all this shit starts to come together.
00:59:11.000And before you know it, you're fucking on your way to war.
00:59:14.000And the way he described it made a lot of sense.
00:59:34.000Let's go take out the fourth largest army in the world because it's not safe.
00:59:39.000And, you know, let's make the world a better place.
00:59:43.000And you get a bunch of people like that who do it.
00:59:45.000And then, of course, you get a lot of people behind the scenes going, we can make a lot of fucking money.
00:59:50.000Boeing, Lockheed, Raytheon saying, dude, they're going to need a lot of weapon systems.
00:59:54.000They're not going to need them, but we can sell them to them.
00:59:56.000It's an amazing thing, too, that once that money starts coming in and coming in in just billion-dollar contract after billion-dollar contract.
01:00:19.000Can't give Iran the arms because Maliki is not agreeing to the terms we set for him, which was you have to share power with the Sunnis because we don't want a civil war there and we have a lot of American interest already in Iraq.
01:00:31.000There's a lot of American companies making money.
01:01:03.000Oh, and by the way, we're going to give that to you, Maliki, so you can create your own army of Shia to keep the Sunnis down, and that's called a civil war.
01:01:11.000Without the military-industrial complex, how much less war would there be?
01:01:54.000Bunker buster bombs, and these particular ones we sold to Israel, are bombs that can penetrate deep into the earth and take out an arsenal.
01:02:03.000So if you have a nuclear facility that is churning out weapons, these bunker bombs are supposed to go into the earth and blow that fucking facility to smithereens.
01:02:16.000Now we don't want to do it, but maybe Israel will drop those bombs because they know where Iran is making these weapons.
01:02:25.000Do you think that the Americans are sitting back and using the Israelis as a proxy to see if those fucking bunker buster bombs work?
01:02:33.000There seems to be a lot of noise headed Iran's way, it seems to me.
01:02:37.000There seems to be something brewing in Iran.
01:02:39.000They have taken a very aggressive stance with the Gulf, with blocking off oil routes.
01:02:47.000Now, and the U.S. Navy is saying this is unacceptable.
01:02:50.000There's a whole bunch of noise going on.
01:02:52.000It seems to me things are moving in a direction that is not in Iran's favor.
01:03:57.000Is there a way to fix what we've got going on right now?
01:03:59.000I'll tell you what Ron Paul would say.
01:04:02.000Ron Paul would say, the only way to fix it is to make the government...
01:04:09.000The government that everybody feeds off of and that has a lot of power to make these decisions, you make the government smaller.
01:04:15.000You take away some of government's power.
01:04:19.000I just watched a speech by Ronald Reagan that he made in, I think, 1969, and it's called A Time to Choose.
01:04:26.000And if he made that speech today, Ron Paul could make that speech today And it wouldn't be any different at all.
01:04:35.000He talks about how 37 cents of your dollar is gone to the government before you even wake up in the morning.
01:04:40.00037% of your day is working for the government, and the government keeps getting better.
01:04:44.000He talks about the war on poverty, and he did a little arithmetic.
01:04:47.000He goes, if we take the money that we spent on poverty, and he takes a list of how many poor people there are, he said everybody should be getting $4,600 a year.
01:05:18.000And by the way, some of those folks are hard-working folks, and they do a great service to the country, and some of those folks are useless.
01:05:24.000And there's a lot of people that are little leeches onto a system.
01:06:06.000Instead of having some asshole in a fucking suit that represents your state, you know, go up in front of everybody and misstate everyone's position, instead of having that, you could have the people actually connect.
01:06:21.000You're not alone in your thinking, and the conversation we're having is being had all over the country, in both Democrat and Republican circles.
01:06:29.000This whole Occupy Wall Street movement is in some ways voicing some of those frustrations.
01:06:39.000I'll give you a piece of good news, in my opinion, and a piece of good news that we've never experienced before.
01:06:45.000You hear a lot of people talking about inequality of income, and there is.
01:06:50.000However, we are experiencing, and I'm stealing this from a Wall Street Journal article, so I'm paraphrasing this, but there is an equality of consumption that we've never experienced before.
01:07:38.000And if you look at most people, and I'm talking about the middle class in this country, including people who are struggling for money and stuff, most people, the average amount for a wedding spent in this country is somewhere around $26,000 a year.
01:09:31.000Yeah, so we have access, and we have access to information and inspiration.
01:09:36.000How many people listen to your podcast who don't have a lot of money, but they get inspired, that you turn them on to things that they can afford?
01:09:43.000You know, this is what the good news is about.
01:09:46.000Yes, we may have inequality of income, but we have equality of consumption like we've never seen before, and that's fucking, that's a big deal, and nobody talks about that.
01:09:55.000Well, this definitely isn't the worst time in human history.
01:11:21.000Oh, we don't want that to happen over here.
01:11:23.000My buddy, the other guy, the CIA guy said to me, he said, he spent a lot of time in Afghanistan, and he said they were talking to a dude on the border of Pakistan and of Afghanistan, Waziristan, that lawless area.
01:11:35.000The guy didn't know what Pakistan was.
01:12:33.000But the bottom line is, that's what kills me, is that effort and that fucking...
01:12:39.000That these are real heroes that are getting used in the wrong way.
01:12:42.000And then we go out there, and you talk to anybody who really knows about the country, including those soldiers who've been there a long time ago, what the fuck are we doing, man?
01:14:02.000You have to go all the way back to when the Soviets actually invaded Afghanistan and we were financing the Mujahideen and everything else with the help of the ISI, which is the Pakistan sequence.
01:14:10.000Is it true, you would be the great guy to ask about this, because I watched it in a documentary where they were saying that the whole term for jihad was originally a war on your own vices.
01:14:36.000And the idea behind jihad, of course, was the battle that always wages between the flesh and the spirit in your own heart.
01:14:43.000And then when the CIA was training the Mujahideen and supplying them with arms, they somehow or another subverted it to get them to meet holy war.
01:15:34.000And they were afraid they were going to lose control of Afghanistan.
01:15:38.000where do we have Afghanistan never really had nobody ever wanted to be in Afghanistan you didn't want to be living in the Khyber Pass it's too forbidding there wasn't oil there they say there's minerals there Good luck.
01:16:56.000They found a gigantic ore of minerals that they had always suspected, but it's much, much larger than they thought.
01:17:00.000I don't believe that we went into Afghanistan.
01:17:02.000I think we went into Afghanistan because they were harboring al-Qaeda.
01:17:05.000It was very hard to get it politically.
01:17:07.000You can't say to the American public, hey, we've got minerals, we've got to go on.
01:17:10.000So I think everybody wants it to be either or.
01:17:13.000You know, oh, we went into there because we're corrupt and we're trying to take all their poppies because it's billions of dollars worth of heroin.
01:17:48.000When you talked to, I think it was Tony Snow before he died, they were saying, well, what are you guys going to do about this situation?
01:17:53.000He said, guys, when we're in the Oval Office and you've got a bunch of people there with all the top brass in the military and the CIA and then you've got the State Department, we do exactly what you think we do.
01:18:03.000Try sitting in a room with 30 people and come up with one idea.
01:18:08.000Try to come up with one thing everybody agrees on.
01:18:20.000And then the president has to go into a room with three of his advisors and they have to fucking go, we've got seven options that we've been presenting.
01:18:25.000No, why do you think that in that case, why do you think that Obama is such a wishy-washy dude?
01:18:32.000Why do you think he's the guy that is willing to pass the NDAA bill?
01:22:05.000Well, you know, what you've got to do is, somehow or another, get it into people's minds when they're really, really young, really young, that the world is so much better if you're cool to people.
01:22:16.000And then once they get there, I mean, it's spreading that...
01:22:34.000One, you develop in a terrible environment and you develop all these defense mechanisms and genes that are only activated under extreme stress.
01:22:42.000You develop a whole culture of people that are in a bad situation on a regular basis and are wired for that shit.
01:23:37.000I love that book and I love the other one.
01:23:39.000And he said something, and it goes to the internet and stealing and things.
01:23:43.000Look, he said, when you give people, like you do it here with the brain thing, you say, if you don't like it, don't even send it back, we'll give you your money back.
01:23:52.000When you do something like from a business plan, and he talks about it, he says, just tell people you'll give them either, you can tell people you'll give them double their money back.
01:24:00.000And people go, well, people will abuse it.
01:27:38.000Sticking rods in their asshole and Well, those are very rare, like serial killers and sex slash killers.
01:27:44.000By the way, now that I just remember it, when you were talking about that guy who got fucked to death by the horse, he might have been one of those.
01:28:30.000And it's 2012. You know, this big change that everyone's going to look back on, you know, like the idea that the Mayans were correct and the time wave zero novelty theory.
01:28:42.000Time Wave Zero Novelty Theory was a mathematic algorithm created by Terence McKenna, the great psychedelic bard and author and botanist.
01:28:51.000And he went on a mushroom trip in the jungle and came up with this idea based on the I Ching, because he had studied the I Ching, and he came up with this idea that the I Ching was a map of time.
01:29:03.000And that he was going to construct a mathematic algorithm based on the I Ching that would literally track progress and human innovation, you could track it like a wave that it was a mathematical program.
01:29:23.000And it came to a point of what he called ultimate novelty, which means something, novelty meaning innovation, novelty meaning some new thing that had not existed before, or some new branch of some new thing, and that a period of a point of ultimate novelty will be achieved December 21st, 2012.
01:29:42.000Now here's what's fucked up about that.
01:29:44.000That is the exact same day, to the day, as the end of the Mayan calendar.
01:29:50.000So he came up independently on his own with this crazy mathematical algorithm that I don't even know if it's real.
01:29:56.000It sounds ridiculous, but if you believe the guy, he says that he did not know the end of the Mayan calendar until much later, that he had been working on this mathematical program for like 30 years, bringing in mathematicians to work on it, and apparently there's some debate over whether or not he had fudged numbers.
01:30:12.000I'm way too dumb when it comes to math to understand any of it, but the idea has always fascinated me of, even if it's on a date, December 21st, 2012, even if it's on a date, but the idea of it, the idea that it's inevitable, that it really must have, it's going to happen.
01:30:27.000And if you look at how fast shit has happened to get to the point we're at today, and just a few hundred, three hundred, four hundred, five hundred years ago, the way we were living is just unrecognizable.
01:30:36.000The hard surfaces on the roads, and things flying in the sky, and the lights in the city.
01:30:41.000Or that you knew, and now you know his name because he made up this whole bullshit, you know, like he knew the Mayan calendar from the whole time, you know what I mean?
01:31:38.000And they said, because out of the thousands of years that we've been in this field, no one's ever come up to us who had the I Ching in their head before.
01:31:46.000So what it was, was to him, was he happened to be in a place where he had studied some incredibly ancient...
01:31:56.000It's a real mystery what the I Ching is, because it's a method of fortune-telling, and it seems to be incredibly effective, statistically, numerically effective.
01:32:13.000I don't understand it, but it's based on hexagrams.
01:32:16.000It's based on these patterns, and McKenna coming into this field, eating these mushrooms, tripping his fucking balls out, had this ridiculous idea that what the I Ching really was was the Chinese, at some point in history, a long fucking time ago, had figured out a map of time.
01:32:31.000Well, you know, like the guy who won the Fields Medal, right?
01:32:34.000When he figured the answer out, there was an equation.
01:33:43.000You could look at it that way, but I think he made a lot more money off of lectures on psychedelics than he ever did on this Time Wave Zero thing.
01:33:50.000When you look at the fact that the guy worked on it for over 30 years, it seems to be some weird labor of love and obsession that he had.
01:33:59.000I just think it's fascinating that a person would spend so much time Making a correlation between the I Ching and a 13-cycle, 28-day lunar calendar that is apparently more accurate than the calendar that we employ today.
01:34:12.000And that you could use the I Ching as a calendar, and the I Ching was somehow or another some map of waves.
01:34:18.000And that novelty and positive things, it's never a steady rise to the top.
01:34:25.000What I think is interesting about what you're bringing up is that the fact of the matter is with technology, and we've talked about this before, we're probably going to live, if you live long enough for the next 30 years, we're probably going to live through things that are going to take our entire paradigm of reality and what we see as reality and certainly the world we live in and destroy the entire thing.
01:35:09.000That's a responsibility you can't run away from.
01:35:11.000It's why I love Seneca and reading those guys, because you read those fuckers.
01:35:15.000And these dudes who sat around thinking 2,500, 3,500 years ago, and they came up with questions that you still have to answer.
01:35:22.000And most of us, most of us, when you read that shit, you go, What happens to you is you go, oh, I'm living in a fucking, I'm living in a glass house or a box of cards.
01:35:33.000Like most of my belief system, most of how I live my life, a lot of times, you know, when you read it, you go, there's not a lot of scaffolding for that.
01:35:41.000There's not a lot of, you know, there's not a lot of like, I can't really justify it along true moral or truthful terms.
01:35:47.000And that's what Socrates and Seneca would do.
01:35:49.000He would just ask you questions like that.
01:37:01.000I've read a couple of his books, and...
01:37:04.000During the Dark Ages, when Alexander was burned down and during the Christian Crusades and also when the Ottoman Empire came in and took over and things, a lot of this knowledge was lost.
01:37:18.000But the people that actually were the only people that could write back then in Europe were primarily the Irish clergy.
01:37:28.000And they would write down, they copied these books, they painstakingly copied a lot of these books and carried them around with them and carried them in their oral traditions as well.
01:37:38.000And so a lot of that information, like the Greeks and all the things that we base our political system on, Was carried through, at least the thesis of this book, was carried through by these Irish scribes, by the Irish clergy, who during the Dark Ages kept the tradition of this alive in books and kept their own libraries hidden.
01:37:58.000Isn't it amazing when you look back at really, really ancient academics, like when people would go to Egypt, a lot of the Greeks would travel to Egypt to study.
01:38:10.000At one point in time, there was obviously some gigantic pool of information.
01:38:15.000There was a much more advanced society than we give credit to.
01:39:25.000Did you hear about that guy that got arrested in Italy because they thought that he was building some sort of a military thing and they were going to storm his house with guns until he let them in?
01:39:34.000He had a modest home in the countryside and then inside his house was a giant fucking construction that went into the hills and the mountains and it was a beautiful cathedral, incredible artwork.
01:39:44.000I mean, this place was massive and stunning.
01:40:23.000Well, what I mean is that the craft of stone making and when they take a tapestry and two generations of artists would work on it.
01:40:33.000So one generation would work on it for his lifetime, then die, and then the next generation, his apprentice, would come and finish it.
01:40:38.000And all those things, when you look at St. Peter's Cathedral, that was a group of people that were so divinely inspired, the notion that they were just making what you said, art for...
01:40:47.000For art's sake, as an homage to something much rare.
01:40:48.000Come over here and look at this real quick.
01:40:50.000Come over here and look at this real quick.
01:41:38.000They're very nice folks, but they have this ridiculous mural, like a painted mural on the wall, and it's like bad art, and it looks so like a boat and shit, and some fucking asshole fisherman.
01:43:22.000Yes, they were, but I forget that Michelangelo was a different guy.
01:43:26.000You know, Leonardo da Vinci and Michelangelo and my stupid head are like one person.
01:43:29.000No, in fact, if you read The Agony and the Ecstasy by Irving Stone, Michelangelo was a short, kind of skinny with a pug nose, and da Vinci was a stud.
01:43:54.000The greatest thing, the greatest fucking, the greatest line for Michelangelo when he, and to define what you are as a person in art, was when he looked at the fucking, at this huge piece of marble, and he's about to carve the statue of David, and his girlfriend at the time, his one love, said to him, what, how are you going to do this?
01:44:15.000I just have to get all this stuff out of the way.
01:44:18.000And it's a great metaphor for art or a human being.
01:44:20.000You start a piece of shit, and if you can delete enough stuff, just through hard work and carving and stuff, you can become a better person.
01:44:29.000It's so important that people do things, and that you do things that other people enjoy.
01:44:47.000But what I'm saying is like doing something that people enjoy really is like the fucking key to happiness in life.
01:44:53.000It's like doing something that makes other people happy in some way.
01:44:56.000It really is the key to happiness in life.
01:44:58.000It's one that so few people ever figure out and that's one of the reasons why people are so fucked up is because so many people have this selfish, it's all about me attitude and you don't understand that you will never be happy.
01:45:08.000Not only that, you won't be prosperous either.
01:45:11.000You won't be because you are a part of a gigantic system.
01:45:15.000And you are in a symbiotic relationship with every human being that you come in contact with.
01:45:19.000So when you fuck them over, you fuck up your whole system.
01:45:23.000You spread out negative energy, you put out bad ripples, and it comes back.
01:46:42.000And you have to have a completely open mind.
01:46:43.000That's why a lot of fighters choke or they freeze up and stuff, and it's just human.
01:46:47.000You've got to be able to assess your objective strengths and weaknesses at a moment's notice, and you've got to be able to do it completely accurately.
01:46:55.000You can't be burdened down by some ego that has you convinced that you're right, and you're doing it together and avoid all the...
01:47:01.000You also have to be doing it to some extent to...
01:47:07.000It's a fine line because you don't want to do things for other people.
01:47:10.000You're doing it to surprise yourself, but your motivation has to be pure because if your motivation is not, you will pay a price for it.
01:48:06.000Well, I'll get that done eventually, but my point is that I would never write anything on purpose trying to be funny.
01:48:10.000I would just sit down and just look, man, the world is funny.
01:48:13.000This is just stupid shit that's going on all day, every day.
01:48:16.000If you can't see some funny in the world, but it's also that that's some funny, especially when you're writing blogs, It's always balanced out with the shit that's not funny.
01:48:25.000That makes the funny stuff even funnier.
01:48:27.000It's got to be whatever the fuck is coming out of there, and then I just extract the jokes from that.
01:48:33.000The stuff that's actually funny, I extract it from that.
01:49:03.000But that becomes a trap, and I've seen some comics fall into it, especially when they develop a following.
01:49:08.000you know they have this group of people that want something to lead the way dude a following is very hard to manage what we're talking about don't fucking listen to your following too much because you start getting you start believing the hype you get older and people like I go on the road yes but appreciate it It's a responsibility.
01:49:29.000Just don't let it define you because then you will start trying to be a certain way that I think it's all about when it happens to you that you develop a following anyway.
01:49:37.000I mean, do you develop a following when you're 17 years old and you're on a Disney sitcom and you don't really understand yourself?
01:49:41.000Or do you develop yourself when you're 30 and then you become...
01:49:46.000It goes back to the martial arts example.
01:49:49.000Back in the day when your teacher taught you martial arts or you had a karate teacher, he was the master.
01:50:14.000I mean, if you have a great group of people where you guarantee, like, hey, man, let's just go light, and you really do not try to kill each other, that's awesome.
01:50:25.000Norm was like the gentleman that we were talking about earlier today, the very successful gentleman, and we won't mention his name, who doesn't know how to spar.
01:50:30.000He just tries to kill guys in the gym, and they tell him, listen, man, you're not going to get any fucking sparring partners.
01:52:51.000Because that's a psychological war that's going on right there.
01:52:53.000And if you can get a guy flustered and call him a bitch and get up in his face and get him thinking about your emotions, that's the intelligent thing to do.
01:53:00.000If you were an intelligent fighter, you would add that.
01:53:03.000I know it's beautiful to be a George St. Pierre and to bow like you're a martial artist and to never be talking shit in the middle of a fight.
01:55:37.000I mean, they're very boxing-centered, and why not be?
01:55:39.000Because, look, first of all, everyone knows their jiu-jitsu's nasty, so you don't really want to take them down, necessarily, and wind up in their guard.
01:55:45.000Nate Diaz fucks guys up from his guard.
01:57:39.000You know, I think what happened was, I think, you know, Nate got pissed off on himself after that fight with Rory McDonald, and he said, you know what, fuck it, I'm kicking it up a notch, and decided, you know, 155 is where I was supposed to be, and, you know, just really get to it.
01:57:50.000Were you surprised when he gave him the finger like that?
02:01:59.000And that Pappy Abetti guy, I feel like he could beat anybody.
02:02:01.000I feel like if you fuck up and let that guy punch you in the face, if somehow or another you zig when you shoot a zag, you get caught, which happens to guys.
02:02:09.000You saw the John Fitch fight this weekend?
02:03:10.000Yeah, came up with it from the get-go.
02:03:12.000You know, for the most part, most guys, they came up with one discipline or another, and the best thing they could hope for was to be really good at something.
02:03:19.000Whether they're really good at wrestling, so they take a guy down, or really good at striking, they just learn how to sprawl like Mirko Krokop.
02:03:25.000You know, he never really became anything other than a striker.
02:03:27.000He has a couple submission victories, but they're mostly after he, except the Randallman fight, mostly after he was fucking a guy up.
02:03:33.000The question is, can anybody beat Jon Bones Jones and does he go to heavyweight?
02:03:39.000Nobody ever expected that Jon Bones Jones was ever going to exist.
02:03:42.000you know before he existed nobody would have suspected that some brilliant young kid could come in here who was a a an excellent amateur wrestler with you know a few years of karate and taekwondo or something under his belt maybe not even a few years i should say like you know months of it but just you know practice some kicks and knew how to do them and then you get him with some ace trainers like mike winklejohn and greg jackson and they mold this kid into some fucking prodigy i
02:04:08.000I would have never said that could have happened before, that some kid could have been in the game only like three years and just dominate guys like Shogun, dominate guys like Machida.
02:04:15.000You know, he put Machida to sleep with a standing guillotine.
02:04:18.000When's the last time anybody put a high-level champion to sleep with a standing guillotine and then dropped him like it was Mortal Kombat?
02:05:24.000But they're super dedicated and they love the sport.
02:05:27.000you know, and they get a lot of attention, so they do it a lot, and their parents love it, and Come on, man.
02:05:31.000Those kind of guys, that's the next wave.
02:05:34.000So as crazy as Hoist Gracie was in 1993, Jon Jones is in 2012, and as crazy as Alistair Overeem is in 2012, you're going to have some new dude that's going to be 10 years from now or whatever, and he's going to have some mad distance between them.
02:08:06.000Yeah, I mean, I just said that, and that's real.
02:08:08.000His reach is the longest of anyone in the UFC, including Semmy Schilt, who used to fight for the UFC. So his ability to touch you with his hands is like right up there with Stefan Struve.
02:08:29.000He's got the courage to get in there and fucking throw down against the best fighters in the world even though he's only been doing it for three years.
02:08:36.000And he's got the athleticism to pull it off.
02:12:44.000He said that he's got an announcement, and he said, my next move after Mark Munoz, what he said was, I don't know, but if I was George St. Pierre or John Jones, I'd take a real deep gulp right about now.
02:13:22.000It's a little more, I mean, every doctor has their own philosophy and doctors have their own specialty, but some doctors don't like to do it that way because they believe that it compromises the strength of the patella tendon and it makes the knee a little bit wigglier.
02:14:04.000They take a chunk out of your bone and they slice your tendon.
02:14:07.000They take a strip of that tendon and a chunk out of your shin bone so they pull it off intact in one thing and then they open you up and screw that in place and that becomes your new ACL. Yeah.
02:15:16.000You do damage to the knee, the knee will be compromised and weak, and then you hurt it again.
02:15:21.000That's exactly what happened to me, in fact, on my first knee surgery.
02:15:24.000In a four-hour body, that's why it says those Soviet coaches and some of those guys, the way they get you conditioned in Olympic condition, they make you walk really fast for 15 minutes.
02:15:34.000And every day you have to cover more ground.
02:16:31.000I went to Dan Gable's camp for two weeks, I remember, and I'm realizing, if this is what it takes to train in college, I don't want to fucking be a college wrestler.
02:19:02.000I always knew from my time in wrestling, there was always guys that would go to the States and watch the best guys in the States go out to the division champions.
02:19:12.000We had a kid in our, when I was a sophomore, when I was a sophomore in high school, we had one kid that was in like national level, who smoked cigarettes too, by the way.
02:19:40.000But this Mark Colling guy would have this fucking crazy practice and everybody would be dying, hands on their knees, and Colling would run across the fucking room and slide down on his knees and go, come on, let's go, who's next?
02:19:52.000And just wanted to keep wrestling, wanted to keep going, wanted to keep drilling.
02:19:55.000And the coach pointed at him and he goes...
02:19:57.000There's guys like that in every weight class.
02:20:00.000He goes, you better get that in your head.
02:20:02.000There's guys like that in every weight class.
02:20:04.000And I remember realizing myself, you know, being 14 years old or whatever I was, you know, I was either 14 or 15. And I was looking at him and I was going, my God, like this.
02:23:08.000He runs, I think, 27 miles an hour or something like that.
02:23:11.000What is the human athlete going to look like a hundred years from now?
02:23:15.000Because a lot of things going on, like Venus and Serena Williams, okay?
02:23:19.000They're going to have sex and they're going to make a baby.
02:23:21.000And I can only hope they have sex with some Olympic athlete motherfucker and we see what's possible.
02:23:26.000And everybody just keeps doing that to the point where it just becomes the number one seed on the planet Earth and just see what is possible with this human form.
02:23:35.000It's not going to come to that because we're going to have two things.
02:24:01.000Could you imagine if some woman became like a mad crazy man hater and they genetically engineered a way for her to be like a chack of the giants?
02:24:13.000She's going to use you like a dildo and just grab you by your little asshole and stuff you inside her pussy.
02:24:17.000Could you imagine if you could just decide, I want to be a 10 foot tall woman because men have been fucking with me, I'm just going to walk around kicking guys in the balls and shove them.
02:24:25.000Well, meshing with other animals, your genetic structure with other animals, that's what's interesting.
02:24:28.000The idea is, can you stop that technology from getting to that point, and can you keep it out of the hands of a person who would use it for a terrible thing?
02:24:42.000Your phone has so much more power than anything that existed in the 1960s.
02:24:46.000But everybody's going to have access to it, so everything is going to come up together, just like computers.
02:24:50.000Right, but will there come a time where we have to stop people from becoming 10 foot tall, attacking the giant women, stomping on dudes and shit?
02:24:57.000I mean, could you imagine if the manipulation of actual physical life, if it actually gets to a point where you can design what you want to look like, and like you can say, Mom, Dad, I've decided to be one of the blue people from Avatar, and you just decided.
02:25:10.000The Pentagon is definitely trying to figure out ways to create super soldiers, whether it's cloning or tissue regenerations.
02:26:14.000Because if there's no morality and there's no humans that are in control of it, clearly it's going to get to a point where it's going to be wild, wild west for genetic manipulation.
02:26:21.000Yeah, but also the idea is if you're going to live that long, what does that say about your earning power?
02:26:25.000You've got to make a lot of fucking money for a long time.
02:26:27.000You know that Apple's got, you know, we're not going to need to charge our phones anymore.
02:26:54.000He hung out at the comic store a lot and stuff like that.
02:26:57.000I don't know the exact details, but I think he might have...
02:26:59.000I've been in a car with another friend of ours who we talked about earlier in the podcast, Josh Adam Myers, and maybe a drunk driver hit him, but I don't know if that's real.
02:27:45.000You're always, like, whenever I think, you know, you're just like Joey Diaz and Burt Kreischer or Duncan Trussell.
02:27:50.000Whenever I think you're out of interesting shit to talk about, you come with a wave of new things and I swear, man, when you were talking about the Holocaust, I've always been aware of the Holocaust, of course, but there's something about the way you were describing it that it was shining like some extra light on how fucking crazy and barbaric it was.
02:28:06.000You were saying it so eloquently, it really made me tune in to how chaotic and sane and disgusting and horrific it really was, man.
02:28:38.000The people who founded this country knew that shit could go wrong.
02:28:41.000So they had a bunch of things in place.
02:28:43.000And one of the things that Benjamin Franklin said, and you should never forget this, that he who would sacrifice liberty for security deserves neither.
02:28:50.000That's a good way to end this podcast.
02:29:48.000Thank you to The Fleshlight for sponsoring our podcast, as always.
02:29:51.000Everything we sponsor, everything always.
02:29:53.000We will never sponsor anything that we don't believe in.
02:29:55.000And both Brian and I, and even Brian Callen, have fucked these things, and I'm telling you, it's way better than beating off, and you know you're going to beat off.
02:31:02.000And then Shroom Tech Immune is a fascinating one where it fires up your immune system because it recognizes the mushroom that you're eating as some sort of a possible threat.
02:31:12.000And then it gears up for a fight that never takes place, leaving you with a charged immune system.
02:31:16.000Pretty wicked, from what I understand.
02:31:18.000But I don't understand any of this shit.
02:33:26.000And it's just the coolest resource ever.
02:33:28.000And we appreciate the fuck out of you guys.
02:33:30.000I just want to let you know we've tuned in to a really awesome group of human beings out there.
02:33:35.000And every one of my shows, people say that.
02:33:37.000All the waitstaffs are always saying how generous everybody is and how nice everybody is and how smart everybody is and there's no douchebags.