The Joe Rogan Experience - January 23, 2012


Joe Rogan Experience #178 - Joey Diaz

Topics
Olive Garden pickles trash talking Michael Bisping Colorado winters and construction helicopter skiing videos lucid dreams Madonna dances training and discipline in martial arts comedy store drama Peter Lemongello scam master of the pan flute
Hosted by
Joe Rogan
Guests
Joey Diaz
Mentioned
Madonna Joey Bananas The Brian Callan Show Eddie Fidel Peter Lemongello Gina Carano Jesus Christ Bert Kreischer Robert De Niro Tracy Chapman Joan Armor Trading Duncan Trussell Anthony Johnson Chris Weidman Joan Armatrader Michael Vincent Charles Bronson Michael Jackson Chuck Liddell Danny Aiello and 130 more
Joe Rogan Experience #177 - Hamilton Morris Joe Rogan Experience #179 - Duncan Trussell

Episode Stats


Length

2 hours and 36 minutes

Words per minute

214.42

Word count

33,461

Sentence count

4,308

Harmful content

Misogyny

268

sentences flagged

Toxicity

1,855

sentences flagged

Hate speech

181

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

Joe Rogan is back, and he's back with a vengeance! He's joined by his good friend and podcast co-host, Joe Rogan himself, to talk about the new Fleshlight, porn and much, much more. Joe also talks about his recent trip to Las Vegas, and how he was able to get back on track with his sex life after not having sex for a week. We also talk about what it's like to be a woman in the porn industry, and what it means to have a hard-on. And, of course, we talk about how much he's in love with Chaz Bono, and why he thinks she's the best thing since sliced bread. Joe and Chaz are in love, and it's only a matter of time before they figure out how to get there. Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. All rights reserved. This episode was produced and edited by Joseph Rogan and produced by Patrick Muldowney. The opinions expressed are our own, not those of our companies, unless otherwise stated. If you have any questions or suggestions, please contact us at joseph.rogans@whatiwatchedtonight.co.uk and we'll get them on the show. Thank you for listening and supporting the podcast. Thanks to our sponsor, The Fleshlight. Please rate, review, and subscribe and review us on Apple Podcasts, and tell us what you think of the podcast, rating and review on iTunes, and reviewing the podcast on your favorite streaming service. We're listening to this podcast and reviewing it on your social media platforms. Thank you and sharing it on all of our social media outlets! XOXO, and we appreciate it. XO. - The Joe Rogans Experience and we're looking out for you! -Joe Rogans and the Fleshlight is a great place to be the best in the world. and the best of all of your feedback we can be heard everywhere else. . -The Fleshlight and The Fleshlights, too much more! Thanks for listening to the podcast and we hope you're having a great day. xoxo, Joe and the rest of the boys at The Joe Experience Podcasts and all that good vibes, too. Cheers, Joe

Transcript

Transcripts from "The Joe Rogan Experience" are sourced from the Knowledge Fight Interactive Search Tool. Explore them interactively here.
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
Topics generated with Qwen2.5-3B-Instruct.
Hosts, guests, and mentioned names generated with spaCy (en_core_web_sm), reconciled against Wikidata.
00:00:04.000 Yo! 1.00
00:00:06.000 What?
00:00:10.000 The Joe Rogan Experience podcast is brought to you by The Fleshlight.
00:00:13.000 We're brought to you by several things.
00:00:16.000 We're brought to you for you guys.
00:00:17.000 This is the most important part.
00:00:20.000 We're brought together the whole thing.
00:00:21.000 It's all for you.
00:00:22.000 It's all for you.
00:00:23.000 But we gotta pay bills.
00:00:25.000 Bandwidth costs money.
00:00:26.000 What was that dramatic opening, by the way?
00:00:28.000 You had this dramatic podcast. 0.98
00:00:28.000 It's fucking too high to talk. 0.98
00:00:30.000 Had to wait a few seconds. 0.99
00:00:32.000 How to wait for the moment to just fucking achieve me. 0.89
00:00:34.000 No, we do the music after the commercials. 0.93
00:00:36.000 I know it's easy to edit if somebody wants to. 1.00
00:00:40.000 Nobody wants to listen to these goddamn commercials. 0.99
00:00:42.000 I do, Joe. 1.00
00:00:43.000 I'm back, Joe.
00:00:44.000 I've returned.
00:00:45.000 When was the last time you used your flashlight?
00:00:47.000 Actually, I used it all weekend because my girl was at AVN, and it was really hard because every hot girl was outside of Los Angeles and went to Vegas, it seemed like. 0.69
00:00:57.000 So you had a hard time even masturbating, pretending a hot girl was in town? 0.93
00:01:00.000 Right. 1.00
00:01:02.000 What a fucking twisted world you live in, where you think that when all the porn stars are out of town, well, no more attractive girls. 1.00
00:01:08.000 No, there's like an energy in the air, you know, and it leaves. 1.00
00:01:11.000 It's like a ghost town.
00:01:12.000 It feels really empty inside.
00:01:14.000 Well, your world is inexorably tied to the porn world at this point.
00:01:18.000 Yeah.
00:01:18.000 That's why.
00:01:19.000 Yeah, it's weird.
00:01:20.000 Yeah, it's very strange.
00:01:21.000 You live a strange life, my friend.
00:01:23.000 Yeah.
00:01:23.000 So you had to, like, beat it all weekend?
00:01:25.000 Yeah, I did.
00:01:26.000 I went crazy. 0.99
00:01:27.000 I went apeshit. 0.99
00:01:28.000 Nice. 0.96
00:01:28.000 It's a solid product, that fleshlight. 0.96
00:01:31.000 I'll tell you what, just for sheer impact of effectiveness, efficacy, it's better than anything we promote.
00:01:38.000 It's better than any of the vitamins.
00:01:39.000 It's better than anything. 0.98
00:01:40.000 It's nice to have mental clarity, but to really be able to shoot fucking blasto loads like you can with the flashlight. 0.79
00:01:47.000 Have you seen that thing that they made one of our rants on a past podcast where it's an iPad holder that you can attach a fleshlight to the back of it? 0.92
00:01:56.000 Oh, somebody actually made that?
00:01:57.000 Yeah, and so now you can sit there and they have this porn, like first-person shooter type porn, that you sit there and watch on your iPad and holding it while it's connected to your fleshlight.
00:02:07.000 It's just the beginning.
00:02:08.000 Yeah.
00:02:09.000 Just the beginning.
00:02:10.000 Once it goes virtual, that's when things are going to be really strange. 0.99
00:02:13.000 When there's somehow or another, like, they're going to put a helmet on you, and then the fleshlight moves up and down on your dick, and probably, like, a bunch of fleshlights all over your body. 0.98
00:02:22.000 Right, Joey? 0.99
00:02:23.000 Right?
00:02:23.000 Joey?
00:02:24.000 Did you just call him Joey?
00:02:26.000 Joey?
00:02:26.000 Joey?
00:02:30.000 Anyway.
00:02:31.000 The flashlight should be like a... 1.00
00:02:33.000 You should be able to take the alpha brains and fuck the flashlight. 1.00
00:02:36.000 You should. 1.00
00:02:37.000 Combined.
00:02:38.000 That's the secret right there.
00:02:39.000 You gotta put them together. 1.00
00:02:40.000 You gotta get these fucking chemists to put together like that. 1.00
00:02:41.000 You don't want to be too smart while you're fucking a fake pussy. 1.00
00:02:44.000 So what? 1.00
00:02:44.000 We're better off like we have like alpha dumb pills. 1.00
00:02:47.000 No! 0.99
00:02:47.000 It's like an alpha mushroom type pill. 0.99
00:02:49.000 Or it's a psychedelic trip as you're fucking coming. 1.00
00:02:52.000 So let's say you fucked a purple one, you think of purple things. 1.00
00:02:55.000 I don't know. 1.00
00:02:56.000 I would like to know what my IQ is when I have a hard-on, because I bet it's half.
00:03:00.000 I would like to know what my IQ is when I have a hard-on. 1.00
00:03:03.000 It's like fucking three. 1.00
00:03:03.000 You don't think of nothing else. 1.00
00:03:05.000 It's amazing.
00:03:06.000 You know, women realize that. 1.00
00:03:07.000 You know when they realize that?
00:03:08.000 When they try to become men.
00:03:09.000 Like Chaz Bono.
00:03:11.000 One of the things she's saying is now she understands male behavior.
00:03:16.000 No, she doesn't.
00:03:17.000 She understands a little, don't you think?
00:03:18.000 What does she understand?
00:03:19.000 Well, she understands the effect of testosterone. 1.00
00:03:20.000 She's been a man for two fucking years. 1.00
00:03:22.000 Two fucking years she's been a man. 1.00
00:03:24.000 Go get your two-year-old and see if you understand what it is to be a fucking man. 1.00
00:03:27.000 It's the same difference. 1.00
00:03:29.000 She's all fucking fat with that fucking beard. 1.00
00:03:31.000 She don't trick me. 1.00
00:03:32.000 You don't like that beard?
00:03:33.000 No, I just don't believe, you know, listen, people want to have parties for a little while.
00:03:37.000 She's going into a deep water here. 1.00
00:03:39.000 She made the conversion. 1.00
00:03:40.000 She went right deep into being a fucking man. 1.00
00:03:43.000 Just because you strap a pair on, like I said today, you can't fucking just strap a pair of nuggets on and go out there and sling dick. 1.00
00:03:49.000 I always fucking know that you're the real deal. 1.00
00:03:52.000 You know, who are you kidding? 1.00
00:03:53.000 You've been sucking dick for 20 years, now you want to change fucking governments. 1.00
00:03:57.000 You can't do that shit. 1.00
00:03:59.000 You can change government. 1.00
00:04:00.000 Yeah, you're changing government.
00:04:02.000 You know what I'm saying? 1.00
00:04:02.000 It's two different fucking worlds, a man and a fucking woman. 1.00
00:04:05.000 You know what, man? 1.00
00:04:06.000 Wouldn't you hate to have been born if you imagined you were a man, but you were really a woman? 1.00
00:04:10.000 You really wish you were a woman? 1.00
00:04:11.000 That would fucking be so frustrating. 1.00
00:04:14.000 Get the fuck out of here! 1.00
00:04:16.000 Get the fuck out of here! 1.00
00:04:19.000 What is it then? 1.00
00:04:20.000 What is it, the people that do it? 0.96
00:04:22.000 This is a fucking solid conversation that we should actually have. 0.95
00:04:26.000 Let's save this. 0.97
00:04:27.000 We're going to stop, and then right when we come back, we're going to talk about...
00:04:31.000 We're going to talk about that.
00:04:33.000 We're going to talk about that right when we come back.
00:04:34.000 It's a solid conversation.
00:04:36.000 Go to Joe Rogan's website and click on the link for the flashlight.
00:04:39.000 Click on the link for the flashlight.
00:04:41.000 Enter in the code name Rogan and you get 15% off. 0.98
00:04:43.000 It's a fucking solid product. 0.98
00:04:44.000 Tremendous. 0.99
00:04:45.000 The other products we're sponsored by is from Onnit.com.
00:04:49.000 O-N-N-I-T. If you don't like it, make your own, you know? 1.00
00:04:51.000 Yeah.
00:04:52.000 We've already got this down.
00:04:53.000 It's Brian's version of it.
00:04:55.000 I like that. 0.99
00:04:56.000 I've never used a flashlight, but what I like about it right now, I'm thinking about it, at least you know where your fucking tropical helmet juice is going. 0.99
00:05:02.000 Sometimes when you whack off, you open your eyes, you don't know what the fuck. 0.99
00:05:05.000 You gotta look for minutes. 0.99
00:05:06.000 Where'd it go?
00:05:07.000 On my hand?
00:05:08.000 Sometimes you find it on your foot, on the computer. 1.00
00:05:11.000 Fuck! 1.00
00:05:11.000 And the flashlight, it goes right to the bottom like Hershey's chocolate. 1.00
00:05:14.000 It goes back, you gotta stare that motherfucker up, and you're back, bitch! 1.00
00:05:18.000 That's right. 1.00
00:05:19.000 Exactly.
00:05:21.000 What's the coupon code for Onnit?
00:05:22.000 Oh, for Onnit.
00:05:25.000 Whoa, who is that?
00:05:26.000 Is that me?
00:05:26.000 For Onnit.
00:05:27.000 No.
00:05:28.000 Who is it?
00:05:29.000 Come here.
00:05:29.000 Oh, is that in the back?
00:05:31.000 Oh.
00:05:32.000 What?
00:05:34.000 I don't know.
00:05:36.000 So anyways, go to Joe's website.
00:05:39.000 Hold on.
00:05:40.000 I have it on over here.
00:05:43.000 It sounded like me.
00:05:45.000 You're watching videos of me talking to my dog.
00:05:47.000 No. 1.00
00:05:48.000 Fuck. 1.00
00:05:49.000 Did you see it? 1.00
00:05:50.000 It sounded like Hey Twixie or something like that.
00:05:52.000 Wow, that's creepy.
00:05:56.000 I don't know what it is, man.
00:05:57.000 I'm just kidding.
00:05:58.000 What is it?
00:05:58.000 Is it your computer?
00:05:59.000 No, no.
00:06:01.000 Somebody's computer was making all that noise.
00:06:03.000 My computer was not on...
00:06:05.000 All these are off. 0.97
00:06:06.000 What the fuck happened? 1.00
00:06:07.000 Well, let's start this, motherfucker, Joe Rogan! 1.00
00:06:10.000 Alpha Brain would help us solve this conundrum of where the fuck the sound came from and what it was. 1.00
00:06:16.000 That had to be your shit, dude. 1.00
00:06:17.000 No, it wasn't. 1.00
00:06:18.000 Couldn't have been mine.
00:06:19.000 There was nothing on mine when I went back there.
00:06:23.000 Save it! 1.00
00:06:25.000 I am on Alpha Brain. 0.93
00:06:26.000 You cannot sneak by me with your childish games.
00:06:30.000 They don't work.
00:06:31.000 I see the plan.
00:06:33.000 I see the matrix.
00:06:35.000 What? 1.00
00:06:37.000 What the fuck are you doing? 1.00
00:06:39.000 How dare you? 1.00
00:06:40.000 I think we got Brian a little too high.
00:06:41.000 I don't think he can do it.
00:06:46.000 It was actually me, Brian.
00:06:49.000 We are not on AlphaBrain right now.
00:06:52.000 That's the problem.
00:06:53.000 AlphaBrain is the cognitive enhancing supplement offered by Onnit.com.
00:06:59.000 We also have Shroom Tech Sport, which is a Cordyceps mushrooms supplement, which is great for endurance working out, like Jiu-Jitsu.
00:07:07.000 You want to get your Jiu-Jitsu on?
00:07:09.000 You want to do some CrossFit or something crazy like that?
00:07:11.000 It's great if you're a sedentary individual, no need.
00:07:14.000 There's another product called Shroom Tech Immune.
00:07:17.000 It's the immune-boosting supplement.
00:07:20.000 All the information is available on onnit.com, O-N-N-I-T. And as we always say, for real, and this is not just lip service, if you think this stuff costs too much, please steal the ingredient list.
00:07:34.000 Don't steal it.
00:07:34.000 Just copy it down.
00:07:35.000 And duplicate it yourself.
00:07:37.000 Buy the stuff in bulk.
00:07:38.000 Make it yourself.
00:07:39.000 Make it yourself.
00:07:40.000 And I hope you do and I hope you enjoy it.
00:07:43.000 If you are interested and you do try but it doesn't work for you, you don't like it, you don't believe in it, you don't find it effective, you get 100% of your money back.
00:07:52.000 100%.
00:07:52.000 You don't have to send in the product.
00:07:54.000 You don't have to...
00:07:56.000 Tell us you're not happy and it's over.
00:07:58.000 We try to make it as easy and as clean and as ethical as possible.
00:08:02.000 I believe in nootropics.
00:08:04.000 I've been taking them for a long time.
00:08:06.000 If you're interested in them, you should research them.
00:08:09.000 You should go online and Google it.
00:08:11.000 And look up the different, there's a bunch of different companies that have a bunch of different proprietary blends of different nootropics.
00:08:17.000 And different nootropics have different effects on different people.
00:08:21.000 It's fascinating, fascinating stuff.
00:08:22.000 Please Google it.
00:08:23.000 Check it out.
00:08:24.000 But if you want to buy our stuff, or you want to even check that out at all, O-N-N-I-T dot com.
00:08:30.000 Use the code name ROGEN. You get 10% off.
00:08:32.000 Joe Diaz is here, bitches. 1.00
00:08:34.000 We're ready to break shit down. 1.00
00:08:36.000 This is the week of the Chicago Theater. 0.99
00:08:39.000 We're coming, Chicago. 1.00
00:08:40.000 You dirty bitches. 1.00
00:08:41.000 The podcast also brought to you by Olive Garden. 1.00
00:08:44.000 Mention Olive Garden, get 10% off.
00:08:46.000 Nothing.
00:08:46.000 Red Bear.
00:08:50.000 Did you talk about Red Band, Olive Garden?
00:08:52.000 Did you talk about Olive Garden, Red Band? 0.99
00:08:54.000 No, I didn't, so I fucking did. 0.99
00:08:54.000 Oh my god, you just killed his whole Olive Garden bit. 0.99
00:08:57.000 He broke it out in the middle of a fucking... 1.00
00:09:00.000 I had to, I had to. 0.99
00:09:00.000 He was talking about hunting, Steve Rinella, and Brian goes like, Olive Garden? 0.99
00:09:04.000 I was like, oh no, you motherfucker. 0.99
00:09:07.000 Whenever I talk to Brian, I go, how did the podcast go today? 1.00
00:09:10.000 Great, did you mention my Olive Garden? 0.78
00:09:12.000 You know what kind of sucks about that whole thing?
00:09:13.000 That everyone now takes pictures while they're at the Olive Garden and sends them to me.
00:09:16.000 So I get so tired of looking at Olive Garden.
00:09:19.000 Like, that is not... 0.99
00:09:20.000 And honestly, I don't give a shit about the Olive Garden. 0.98
00:09:23.000 You love it. 0.99
00:09:23.000 And now people flood my Twitch stream with Olive Garden. 0.99
00:09:26.000 You love it like I love C2O Coconut Water.
00:09:28.000 They just sent me some water.
00:09:30.000 So thank you, C2O people.
00:09:31.000 And I gotta thank Grillo's Pickles, too.
00:09:33.000 Remember we were talking about the pickle company in Boston that had these homemade pickles and they were selling them in the park and how fucking awesome they are? 0.93
00:09:40.000 Yeah.
00:09:40.000 They got a hold of me and they sent me some.
00:09:42.000 Oh, you fucking serious? 0.97
00:09:43.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:09:43.000 Oh my god, these fucking pickles are ridiculous, dude. 1.00
00:09:47.000 I love pickles. 1.00
00:09:47.000 They have these habanero pickles where, you know, it's pickles with like slices of jalapeno and habanero in it. 1.00
00:09:54.000 They're like really spicy pickles. 0.99
00:09:55.000 God damn, they're good. 0.99
00:09:57.000 They're like fresh and just crisp and woof. 1.00
00:09:59.000 You slice them, put them in a cheeseburger. 0.99
00:10:01.000 They're fucking tremendous. 1.00
00:10:03.000 Fucking serious pickles. 0.99
00:10:05.000 I know it seems like I'm excited about... 0.99
00:10:07.000 Speaking of pickles, we're talking about Chaz Bono.
00:10:10.000 Speaking of pickles, we're talking about Chaz Bono. 0.99
00:10:12.000 Fucking Chaz Bono. 1.00
00:10:13.000 That's what his penis looks like. 1.00
00:10:14.000 And you know what's crazy about Chaz Bono? 1.00
00:10:15.000 She's starting to look like Ralphie Mae. 1.00
00:10:17.000 Once she had the surgery, it's like, fuck. 1.00
00:10:19.000 I mean, Chaz Bono, that is the most amusing story to me of last year, and I don't fuck with it. 1.00
00:10:24.000 Really? 0.99
00:10:25.000 I just don't fuck with it. 0.99
00:10:26.000 It just creeps me the fuck out one way or the other. 0.99
00:10:29.000 I don't know why.
00:10:29.000 I feel really bad for her.
00:10:32.000 I just feel like if you're going to go through with that, I feel bad for her one way or the other.
00:10:37.000 Either I feel bad for her because she really is a man trapped in a woman's body and that must be really frustrating, or I feel bad for her that she's in this state of disarray where that's the option and you've got to go through surgery.
00:10:51.000 It just seems to me like...
00:10:52.000 Anybody that would need to do that for any reason, just to actually change and try to become something else and become some different sex, you know, that's a deep mind-boggling.
00:11:03.000 That's a deep dissatisfaction with your current life.
00:11:07.000 Who's to say that maybe her solution isn't becoming a man? 0.67
00:11:11.000 Well, go play rugby first and then come back.
00:11:13.000 You know what I'm saying?
00:11:14.000 I would like to know she's happier now.
00:11:16.000 I mean, that would be an interesting conversation.
00:11:18.000 Oh, I knew a comedian in Seattle that was a man and became a woman. 0.96
00:11:22.000 Had the surgery.
00:11:23.000 The whole psychological, went through the whole thing.
00:11:26.000 And it was hard on her.
00:11:28.000 Her name was Rita O. Her head was fucking huge. 0.99
00:11:31.000 She would fall from time to fucking time. 1.00
00:11:34.000 That's how she died. 1.00
00:11:35.000 Like a two-year-old?
00:11:36.000 That's how she died. 1.00
00:11:37.000 She fucking fell. 1.00
00:11:37.000 Her head was too big. 1.00
00:11:38.000 She was at a club. 1.00
00:11:39.000 And she fucking went down like a box. 1.00
00:11:42.000 Her name was Rita O. She was Japanese and white up in Seattle. 1.00
00:11:45.000 I'm not joking.
00:11:46.000 I wish I was, but I'm not joking.
00:11:48.000 That's hilarious.
00:11:50.000 Brody Stevens and me used to steal her nachos at the open mic.
00:11:53.000 And she had a womanly voice. 1.00
00:11:55.000 And when we would steal her nachos, she'd say, put him the fuck down! 1.00
00:11:58.000 And we would just stop. 0.99
00:12:00.000 I robbed about 200 values from her one time. 1.00
00:12:02.000 And she put a gun to my fucking head. 1.00
00:12:04.000 This bitch did it. 1.00
00:12:05.000 And she was 5'2". 1.00
00:12:06.000 And she died maybe two years after I moved out of Seattle.
00:12:09.000 Ask Brody, wouldn't you?
00:12:10.000 When she got the full operation?
00:12:13.000 She got the full thing.
00:12:14.000 When you do that, your body really shrinks up.
00:12:16.000 Yeah, she shrinks up. 1.00
00:12:17.000 You lose a lot of their mass, right?
00:12:19.000 Maybe really, if you have a big head, maybe it'll work as long as you have a big body to go with it.
00:12:26.000 But if you have a big head and a little body like that, that actually does make sense.
00:12:30.000 She would be disproportionate. 0.99
00:12:31.000 Her equilibrium was off.
00:12:33.000 Because your muscles go away, but the size of your head is like...
00:12:35.000 And her drug problem was just horrendous.
00:12:38.000 The drug problem that she had from the pain.
00:12:42.000 From the pain of the surgery?
00:12:43.000 No, the pain of...
00:12:45.000 She drank every night.
00:12:47.000 She didn't leave the house without a bottle in her purse.
00:12:50.000 And one night we did an open mic and the guy threw her out.
00:12:54.000 She went home and we talked her into calling the White House.
00:12:57.000 It was on cocaine.
00:12:59.000 You gotta call the White House.
00:13:00.000 Do you remember that dude who used to come around the comedy store? 0.68
00:13:03.000 He was kind of half homeless, half cross-dresser type character, the black guy. 0.96
00:13:08.000 What was his name?
00:13:09.000 Boom Shakalaka? 0.89
00:13:10.000 Boom Shakalaka. 1.00
00:13:10.000 I buy half my shit for my girlfriend from that guy. 1.00
00:13:13.000 Like faces and shoes. 1.00
00:13:15.000 Boom Shakalaka is like a hooker. 1.00
00:13:17.000 Isn't he like a half a hooker? 1.00
00:13:19.000 I don't know. 1.00
00:13:20.000 He's just a gay guy. 0.98
00:13:22.000 No, I love Boom Shot.
00:13:23.000 I've done open mics with that guy all the time.
00:13:25.000 Yeah, oh please. 1.00
00:13:25.000 Boom is a fucking trip. 1.00
00:13:26.000 He's had some nutty moments, man. 1.00
00:13:28.000 One time when he was in the back of the comedy store and he was like yelling at no one in particular, fuck this motherfucker, like really mad at somebody. 1.00
00:13:36.000 And he went and stormed into that little bathroom there. 1.00
00:13:39.000 He was washing up in there and they were trying to get rid of him.
00:13:42.000 They were trying to calm him down and get him off the porch. 0.99
00:13:44.000 I don't know exactly what happened, but I was like, wow, this dude's fucking mad. 1.00
00:13:47.000 Some shit's about to go down. 1.00
00:13:49.000 Well, they would tease him on Sunday nights and torture him and You know, then he would go fucking AWOL black on you. 1.00
00:13:54.000 Fuck this motherfucker. 1.00
00:13:55.000 I'll kill you and all this shit. 1.00
00:13:57.000 There's something that happened with him and Dan Bilac. 1.00
00:14:00.000 I think that's his last name.
00:14:01.000 Bilac.
00:14:01.000 Yeah, something happened between those two because he always carries around signs and things going against him.
00:14:08.000 Or maybe it's vice versa.
00:14:10.000 I don't remember.
00:14:10.000 But you don't know what the story is?
00:14:11.000 No, I don't know.
00:14:12.000 But I'll talk to Bilac tonight.
00:14:15.000 Another podcast.
00:14:15.000 What's up, baby boy?
00:14:16.000 What's up, bro?
00:14:17.000 Good to see you, baby. 0.99
00:14:17.000 Chicago fucking theater Friday night. 0.99
00:14:19.000 Me, you, and Duncan Trussell. 0.99
00:14:20.000 Let me tell you, I've been excited about going to Chicago.
00:14:23.000 Chicago is one of those cities that, you know, nothing, it's always like you never really think about it until you're on your way there. 0.95
00:14:29.000 Then you get fucking excited. 0.85
00:14:30.000 Right. 0.99
00:14:31.000 You get really fucking excited. 0.98
00:14:32.000 We're going down to the city. 0.99
00:14:34.000 Great fights.
00:14:35.000 You know, great Italian food.
00:14:36.000 Great Polish food.
00:14:37.000 There's everything there.
00:14:39.000 Everything.
00:14:39.000 Pieragis, steaks.
00:14:41.000 We're in the Midwest.
00:14:41.000 And one other thing.
00:14:42.000 You better dress warm, motherfucker. 1.00
00:14:44.000 Oh, it's cold as fuck. 1.00
00:14:45.000 We're going to be like the cops to the rest of Tony Montana that time for fucking money laundering. 1.00
00:14:49.000 Remember when he said you better dress warm? 0.99
00:14:50.000 It's going to be fucking cold. 0.98
00:14:52.000 We're going in the nucleus of the winter. 0.99
00:14:55.000 The last week of January. 1.00
00:14:58.000 That is the eye of the fucking storm. 1.00
00:15:00.000 It is the eye of the storm, isn't it? 1.00
00:15:01.000 That's it. 0.99
00:15:01.000 Three fucking days of just... 0.99
00:15:03.000 It doesn't get any colder. 1.00
00:15:03.000 Do you have a winter jacket? 1.00
00:15:05.000 Fuck yeah, I do. 1.00
00:15:06.000 I do not own a winter jacket. 1.00
00:15:07.000 Are you kidding me?
00:15:07.000 Oh, you can have one of mine, man.
00:15:08.000 I have boxes of them.
00:15:10.000 I got an awesome one.
00:15:10.000 Un-fucking-believable that we're going into the wind...
00:15:13.000 We're going into the eye of the fucking storm. 0.99
00:15:16.000 That's awesome. 1.00
00:15:16.000 And I don't give a fuck. 1.00
00:15:17.000 I'm excited. 0.99
00:15:18.000 Chael Sonnen, Bisping.
00:15:20.000 Oh, those fights are going to be awesome. 0.98
00:15:21.000 Chael Sonnen and Bisping is going to be fucking crazy.
00:15:24.000 I just wish that fight could take place a couple months from now instead of this weekend. 0.99
00:15:29.000 So I want to hear more trash talking from these guys. 0.97
00:15:32.000 I want to hear more. 0.97
00:15:33.000 I mean, they're not even trash talking. 0.99
00:15:36.000 Bisping is confident as fuck, man. 0.99
00:15:38.000 This is going to be real interesting. 0.99
00:15:40.000 I think a lot of people sleep on Bisping for some reason.
00:15:42.000 I don't sleep on Bisping at all. 1.00
00:15:44.000 Bisping, he's a bad motherfucker, dude. 0.99
00:15:46.000 He's one of the fittest guys at 185, too. 1.00
00:15:50.000 He's very fit.
00:15:52.000 He's a dedicated athlete.
00:15:54.000 He puts a pace on dudes, man.
00:15:57.000 A lot of people say Mayhem looked really bad in their last fight.
00:16:01.000 Mayhem definitely looked bad.
00:16:02.000 But part of the reason why he looked bad is because Michael Bisping looked good.
00:16:06.000 He looked good, dude.
00:16:07.000 He looked that much better.
00:16:08.000 He looked sharp, man.
00:16:09.000 His stand-up was sharp.
00:16:10.000 His conditioning was sharp.
00:16:13.000 His defense was sharp when the fight went to the ground.
00:16:16.000 Everything was good, man.
00:16:17.000 He put it on Mayhem.
00:16:19.000 And you saw an evolution of him over the last few years.
00:16:24.000 You know, you can see, you know, in the Jorge Rivera fight, you can see in this fight, in the Mayhem fight, really in the Mayhem fight, you really see it. 0.98
00:16:32.000 Like, he's turned a serious fucking corner. 0.96
00:16:35.000 You know, Michael Bisping's dangerous. 0.98
00:16:36.000 And you know what I loved about the fight?
00:16:38.000 After it was over, he was upset at himself for the first round.
00:16:41.000 Even though he had this, like, flawless performance.
00:16:44.000 And virtually shut out Mayhem until the fight got stopped.
00:16:48.000 Once he got up to his feet and the second round started, he just shut Mayhem down.
00:16:52.000 Just completely shut him down.
00:16:54.000 And if you see that, you would think, well, he should be happy.
00:16:57.000 But he wasn't happy.
00:16:58.000 One of the first things he said was that he was upset at his performance in the first round wasn't going to do if he ever fought the champion.
00:17:05.000 That was the first thing he said.
00:17:06.000 So there's a guy who's not even congratulating himself for, you know, he had this big rivalry with Mayhem.
00:17:12.000 They went through a whole season of The Ultimate Fighter together. 0.99
00:17:15.000 Talked all kinds of shit to each other. 1.00
00:17:16.000 And he just fucked him up. 1.00
00:17:18.000 And he wasn't even being, like, congratulatory about it. 0.99
00:17:21.000 He was concentrating on what he didn't do well.
00:17:23.000 Like, he wanted to own him perfectly, you know?
00:17:26.000 What I see with him is his life has come full circle.
00:17:29.000 He's become complete.
00:17:31.000 He moved his family over from England.
00:17:33.000 He's training down in Orange County. 0.99
00:17:34.000 He's got his family with him, which makes a big difference when you're fucking training. 0.99
00:17:38.000 He already took the knockouts. 0.99
00:17:40.000 You know, he got that knockout against Henderson.
00:17:42.000 He caught himself, found himself, and he's ready.
00:17:45.000 You know, he's ready.
00:17:46.000 He's training.
00:17:46.000 He's much better now.
00:17:47.000 Yeah, he's much better now.
00:17:48.000 He's at a better place, as they say.
00:17:49.000 It's hard for a fighter to rebound from a loss like that.
00:17:52.000 You know, it's very difficult.
00:17:54.000 I mean, I can only imagine.
00:17:55.000 I'm only speculating.
00:17:56.000 But from what I've experienced watching people...
00:17:59.000 You know, fighters will change from losses occasionally. 0.99
00:18:01.000 A fucking knockout against Henderson like that? 1.00
00:18:04.000 You know, just getting beat up at the fucking pizza parlor changes a motherfucker. 1.00
00:18:08.000 Never mind a knockout like that. 1.00
00:18:09.000 But he came back strong.
00:18:11.000 Real strong.
00:18:11.000 Against Dennis Kang.
00:18:12.000 And one of the big things is Dennis Kang caught him.
00:18:14.000 Remember?
00:18:15.000 Dennis Kang tagged him with a right hand.
00:18:16.000 Dropped him and jumped on him.
00:18:18.000 But he stayed calm.
00:18:19.000 He used his guard.
00:18:20.000 He had a real good defensive guard.
00:18:22.000 Locked him up. 0.98
00:18:23.000 And then the second round, he beat the shit out of him. 0.99
00:18:25.000 You know, people sleep on him, man. 0.99
00:18:27.000 I don't know why.
00:18:28.000 It's real weird.
00:18:29.000 It's like, I see him sleeping on him, and I think it's because maybe you see a guy lose once, and you think that's how the guy fights.
00:18:36.000 You know?
00:18:37.000 Instead of looking at, like, the whole picture. 1.00
00:18:39.000 That motherfucker had a draw with Rashad, dude. 0.99
00:18:42.000 You know, didn't he? 1.00
00:18:44.000 Or was it Tito had a draw with him?
00:18:45.000 No, it was...
00:18:46.000 Did he lose to Rashad?
00:18:47.000 I think it was a draw.
00:18:49.000 Was it a draw?
00:18:50.000 Okay, I don't know.
00:18:51.000 I feel like I just made that up.
00:18:54.000 Let me check.
00:18:55.000 Let me look under SureDog.net. 0.90
00:18:57.000 Oh, someone from SureDog wrote some whole thing saying that I hate SureDog because I was talking shit about their forums. 0.89
00:19:03.000 Listen, man, I don't particularly, completely hate anybody.
00:19:06.000 I'm sure your forums have some nice people on it. 0.97
00:19:10.000 And every forum has a bunch of cunts on it, including my own. 1.00
00:19:14.000 Love all around, bitches. 1.00
00:19:16.000 Alright, so yeah. 0.99
00:19:19.000 Stats, here we go.
00:19:21.000 Both of them have a one at the end, yeah. 0.97
00:19:26.000 This does not make for a fucking thrilling podcast. 0.96
00:19:29.000 Yeah, let's talk numbers, Joey. 0.95
00:19:31.000 What would you say his stats would be? 0.99
00:19:34.000 Whose fucking stats? 0.99
00:19:35.000 I don't know who. 0.99
00:19:36.000 Brian is doing his impression right now of what he thinks a sportscaster would do.
00:19:42.000 He won.
00:19:43.000 Rashad won a decision.
00:19:44.000 There you have it.
00:19:45.000 But, you know, he was fighting much bigger guys.
00:19:48.000 He should have never been fighting at 205. He's a tiny 205. He's a tiny guy.
00:19:52.000 He's a tiny guy.
00:19:53.000 Well, I would not say he's a tiny guy.
00:19:55.000 Tiny guy.
00:19:55.000 He's a big 185. Hey, the first time I seen fucking what's-his-name in Pittsburgh, Anthony Johnson, I thought he was a fucking defensive tackle.
00:20:04.000 Yeah, he's huge. 0.99
00:20:05.000 You know, those guys.
00:20:06.000 But Bisping compared to that, he's a tiny guy.
00:20:08.000 You know, when you see, who's that, Forrest Griffin?
00:20:11.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:20:11.000 That's a big motherfucker. 1.00
00:20:12.000 You know, they released Anthony Johnson. 1.00
00:20:14.000 Yeah, I know that.
00:20:15.000 What did you think?
00:20:16.000 Do you think that was going to happen?
00:20:17.000 Yes, I knew right then and there when I read the tweet.
00:20:19.000 I bet if he won, he probably would have been able to keep his job. 1.00
00:20:23.000 He had to come out and knock his fucking head off in Brazil. 1.00
00:20:26.000 At home. 1.00
00:20:27.000 Knock him out.
00:20:28.000 Well, he tried, man. 0.98
00:20:29.000 I'm telling you, he blew his wad going out and trying because he tried to kill Vitor.
00:20:32.000 He went after him, man.
00:20:34.000 Blew his wad is actually a gambling term, Brian.
00:20:37.000 Okay.
00:20:38.000 For you who don't know.
00:20:39.000 It's called a wad of cash.
00:20:41.000 And when you come out of the gate strong gambling and then you have no more money, it's called he blew his wad.
00:20:46.000 Okay? 0.98
00:20:47.000 You know, Dane is very fucking fair. 0.99
00:20:49.000 Dane is really fucking fair. 0.99
00:20:50.000 Dane is very fair. 0.98
00:20:51.000 Well, listen, I think Anthony missed weight three times.
00:20:54.000 Yes.
00:20:54.000 And 12 pounds over?
00:20:57.000 Well, he had a medical situation this time.
00:21:00.000 I mean, he was cutting too much, but he had a medical situation this time where his legs stopped working.
00:21:06.000 Right, I heard that. 0.99
00:21:07.000 Which is fucking crazy. 0.98
00:21:10.000 You really stop and think that these guys get down to that dehydrated state and then rehydrate up and fight the next day. 0.99
00:21:17.000 Someone needs to talk to that dude and say, listen, man, you don't need to put on any more muscle.
00:21:22.000 What you need to do is just lose some of the muscle you got.
00:21:26.000 You don't need to be that big. 1.00
00:21:27.000 You're a fucking monster. 1.00
00:21:28.000 Lose some of it. 1.00
00:21:29.000 You're going to fight at 185. You should walk around no bigger than 195. Really.
00:21:35.000 You really shouldn't be cutting that much weight.
00:21:37.000 You're a super athlete.
00:21:38.000 He's like totally selling himself short by dehydrating himself and draining himself for these fights.
00:21:45.000 So when he gets in like grueling fights like the Koscheck fight, he gets tired.
00:21:49.000 The Vitor fight, he gets tired.
00:21:51.000 Muscle burns a lot, man.
00:21:52.000 Muscle burns a lot, but what burns even more is when you dehydrate the fuck out of your body.
00:21:58.000 I dehydrated my body when I fought in Taekwondo tournaments.
00:22:00.000 I did that to make weight.
00:22:02.000 When I was 16, I was fighting at 140, and I didn't weigh 140, and I didn't do it right either.
00:22:09.000 I would just take hot showers and take hot baths and not drink any water for like a day, and then I'd weigh in, and I'd have to rehydrate and fight that day.
00:22:17.000 I know what it feels like.
00:22:18.000 It's a terrible feeling. 1.00
00:22:19.000 It makes you feel like shit. 1.00
00:22:21.000 It's a stupid thing. 1.00
00:22:22.000 I mean, I did it because I was an idiot. 1.00
00:22:24.000 And I was being instructed that I should stay in that weight class. 1.00
00:22:27.000 He's got 50 fucking pounds to cut. 0.99
00:22:30.000 He's so big. 0.99
00:22:31.000 He could start two months before that. 0.99
00:22:32.000 Not only that, dude, he's so fucking big. 0.99
00:22:35.000 50 fucking pounds. 0.99
00:22:36.000 A lot of it's muscle, man. 1.00
00:22:37.000 A lot of it's muscle, man.
00:22:39.000 He's a super athlete. 1.00
00:22:40.000 That fucking guy, man, could be fighting at 205. Shaz Bono's a fucking super athlete. 1.00
00:22:45.000 That's who's a super athlete. 1.00
00:22:46.000 Red Band!
00:22:47.000 The pickle on her. 1.00
00:22:47.000 What's going on with the fucking pickles and the other thing? 1.00
00:22:51.000 Olive Garden, Ocean Boulevard, Ocean Garden. 1.00
00:22:53.000 Now who the fuck? 1.00
00:22:54.000 Joey, when was the last time you blew your wad? 1.00
00:22:56.000 What?
00:22:57.000 What do you mean, gambling or just whacked off?
00:22:59.000 Whacked off. 1.00
00:23:00.000 Who the fuck knows, guy? 1.00
00:23:02.000 Do you still whack off? 1.00
00:23:03.000 Do you hump pillows?
00:23:04.000 Do you take time?
00:23:05.000 No, I whack off from time to time of the shower.
00:23:07.000 I got a couple minutes here and there or something. 1.00
00:23:09.000 I bang one out in my fucking hand, cappuccino style. 1.00
00:23:12.000 Does Chaz Bono have a dick now? 1.00
00:23:16.000 Probably. 1.00
00:23:16.000 I mean, I haven't asked her. 1.00
00:23:18.000 When I see her coffee bean, I'll say, Chaz, show me that fucking pickle. 1.00
00:23:21.000 It's really crazy that she had a girlfriend, and they broke up. 1.00
00:23:25.000 But the girlfriend was like... 1.00
00:23:27.000 She had a girlfriend, and she was a girl. 0.88
00:23:31.000 And then she decided she was a man.
00:23:33.000 And then the girl... 0.65
00:23:33.000 Could you imagine if you're a lesbian, and then all of a sudden the person that you're with becomes a man? 0.65
00:23:37.000 Yeah, that's the best revenge ever. 1.00
00:23:39.000 What the fuck is this? 0.99
00:23:39.000 That's the best revenge. 0.99
00:23:40.000 I'll get back.
00:23:41.000 And she'll get a couple girlfriends. 0.99
00:23:43.000 She'll get a couple girlfriends. 1.00
00:23:45.000 It's a novelty.
00:23:45.000 It's a novelty.
00:23:46.000 Oh, my God. 1.00
00:23:47.000 Yeah, and then you take them home, and a dick smells like a twat, and then you're back to square fucking one. 1.00
00:23:51.000 You know what I'm saying? 1.00
00:23:52.000 Your dick smells like a fucking pussy after you ran three miles. 1.00
00:23:55.000 What's the difference? 1.00
00:23:56.000 I want to suck a dick, and I'm eating a fucking monkey here. 1.00
00:23:59.000 You know what I'm saying? 1.00
00:24:00.000 What's the difference?
00:24:01.000 You can't take away the smell. 1.00
00:24:03.000 You know, you can't put a fake dick on. 1.00
00:24:05.000 It ain't gonna fucking pan out. 1.00
00:24:06.000 Do you think they make balls? 0.99
00:24:07.000 Yeah, they do.
00:24:08.000 They do.
00:24:08.000 I mean, they make neoprene balls or something that...
00:24:11.000 Let's say you have little balls or big balls and you can...
00:24:14.000 Listen, you can get anything. 0.98
00:24:16.000 Jesus Christ.
00:24:17.000 But you can't get the real patois.
00:24:19.000 We can change around. 0.99
00:24:20.000 Just because, you know, I think that I like fucking Doris Day music and one day I want to be a woman. 0.99
00:24:26.000 It's just... 0.99
00:24:26.000 I think there's a little bit more than that. 0.99
00:24:29.000 I think that it's just a little bit fucking more than that. 0.96
00:24:33.000 I'm not against it! 0.96
00:24:34.000 The guy who does it is a guy that lives in Colorado.
00:24:37.000 The busiest guy, look him up, is a guy that lives in southern Colorado and he does them on the weekends.
00:24:42.000 He's booked eight years in advance.
00:24:44.000 Really?
00:24:45.000 He has a regular job during the week.
00:24:47.000 I don't want to quote it.
00:24:49.000 We've talked about this before.
00:24:50.000 You have to look it up.
00:24:52.000 It was on 60 Minutes and on the weekends he does the operations.
00:24:55.000 He's booked three years in advance. 1.00
00:24:57.000 I think during the week he's like a farmer or a baker or something fucking crazy and on the weekends he cuts your fucking dick off and puts that fucking monkey that that chick had we met in Vegas with the artificial turf Spider 1.00
00:25:28.000 hole. 1.00
00:25:33.000 Joey said it looks like a bat with its mouth open. 1.00
00:25:38.000 Oh my god, it was the ugliest fucking thing you had ever seen. 0.99
00:25:42.000 And it just freaked you out. 0.99
00:25:43.000 Like you just didn't want to eat no more.
00:25:45.000 Like you didn't want to drink.
00:25:46.000 Like nothing was going to take away the pain.
00:25:47.000 Apparently they're much better at doing it now. 0.99
00:25:50.000 Apparently now they can construct a pretty realistic looking vagina. 1.00
00:25:53.000 To the point where it really fucks people up. 1.00
00:25:55.000 Well, fucking cups with a vagina on it. 1.00
00:25:57.000 We're fucking cups. 1.00
00:25:59.000 Flashlight is a cup with a fucking vagina on it that, you know, whatever. 1.00
00:26:03.000 Feels, it doesn't. 1.00
00:26:04.000 Couple cocktails, you don't know what you're fucking. 1.00
00:26:06.000 Some dudes, some dudes, man, like, have no problem, like, having sex with a he-she, like a girl that used to be a guy. 1.00
00:26:14.000 As long as it's a girl now. 0.87
00:26:15.000 They're like, she's a guy.
00:26:16.000 She's a girl, man.
00:26:17.000 She's a girl, man.
00:26:19.000 Like, I got no problem with that.
00:26:20.000 Like, there's dudes that will tell you they have no problem with that.
00:26:22.000 They think that it's a girl.
00:26:24.000 But there's other dudes just like... 0.99
00:26:26.000 Listen, when you're drunk, and it's four in the fucking morning, all right, and you're driving on Santa Monica, and you haven't got your dick sucked in 60, 70, 80 days, all right, and you're driving, and you're fucked up, and you got a grandma blow in your pocket, that chick with the blonde hair becomes whatever you want it to be. 1.00
00:26:42.000 You just pull over, do a couple lines, and have that fucking monster suck your pipe. 1.00
00:26:47.000 I know it's happened. 1.00
00:26:49.000 It's happened. 1.00
00:26:51.000 I'm just going for broke tonight and fuck it. 1.00
00:26:54.000 And after she sucks your dick, you just make a quick fucking turn and throw her out of the car and you drive home and hope there's no fucking satellites around taking cameras. 1.00
00:27:02.000 What are you going to do? 1.00
00:27:02.000 What the fuck are you going to do? 1.00
00:27:04.000 For some dudes, it becomes a utility thing. 0.99
00:27:06.000 It's like you've got to get rid of the stuff.
00:27:08.000 Absolutely. 0.97
00:27:08.000 I bet that there's guys out there that are so fucking crazy horny. 0.97
00:27:12.000 That they don't even care until they come, and it's like anything else. 1.00
00:27:14.000 How many times have you started whacking off and all of a sudden you start thinking of women that think they'll suck your dick? 1.00
00:27:19.000 But after you crack that nut, you just put your phone down. 1.00
00:27:21.000 I already cracked my nut. 1.00
00:27:23.000 I'm going to put up with that crazy bitch talking nonsense. 1.00
00:27:26.000 You know what I'm saying? 1.00
00:27:27.000 I just whacked myself off to death to you. 1.00
00:27:29.000 I need this shit. 1.00
00:27:30.000 You're projecting. 1.00
00:27:33.000 It's true.
00:27:34.000 I would never do that.
00:27:35.000 Once we come...
00:27:35.000 If I don't come in a certain amount of time, I'm not going to go to a tranny.
00:27:41.000 No! 0.99
00:27:41.000 Nobody is going to do a fucking tranny here. 0.99
00:27:45.000 Just looking at a tranny makes me sick. 1.00
00:27:47.000 Like, when you make that right turn on fucking Santa Monica, and you go up Highland or La Brea, the best is if you get up early in the morning, like you have to go somewhere to the airport, and you take La Brea down. 0.99
00:27:58.000 Five in the morning, right by that donut thing there, La Brea and Santa Monica, there's 20 of them. 0.95
00:28:03.000 And let me tell you something, I'm here to tell you like a man that I am. 0.80
00:28:06.000 Ten of them, I don't, Houdini can't fucking tell until you pulled over. 0.88
00:28:10.000 Until you pull over and look at them, you don't know. 0.74
00:28:13.000 And by that time, you're 50% in.
00:28:15.000 There was a dude who was an Iraqi vet. 0.99
00:28:17.000 Picked up a hooker. 0.98
00:28:18.000 Came back, you know, from Iraq. 0.97
00:28:20.000 Picked up a hooker. 1.00
00:28:21.000 Hooker blows him. 1.00
00:28:22.000 Finds out the hooker's a guy. 1.00
00:28:24.000 Shoots him. 0.76
00:28:25.000 Cops see him dump the body out of his car.
00:28:28.000 High-speed chase.
00:28:29.000 They go out to the desert.
00:28:30.000 He jumps out of the car with a gun. 0.92
00:28:32.000 Suicide by cop. 1.00
00:28:35.000 All because he couldn't deal with the fact that a dude sucked his dick. 1.00
00:28:38.000 Wow. 1.00
00:28:39.000 So he had to kill the guy. 1.00
00:28:40.000 If he just let that guy go and laughed it off, what a fucking story he would have. 1.00
00:28:47.000 What a great story. 1.00
00:28:49.000 You could be at parties.
00:28:49.000 You could be at parties.
00:28:51.000 If it was one of us, you could be at parties. 1.00
00:28:53.000 And he'd be like, Vic, tell me about that time that dude sucked your dick. 1.00
00:28:57.000 All right. 1.00
00:28:58.000 Come on over.
00:28:59.000 No, no, no.
00:29:00.000 He would just tell it. 0.99
00:29:00.000 I'll tie the bitch up and call you guys and we'll do a podcast with it. 0.99
00:29:03.000 Okay. 0.99
00:29:04.000 Nobody believe it.
00:29:06.000 Listen, I know Joe Rogan. 1.00
00:29:08.000 Listen, you stop, you're at a bar, you pick up a girl that you think, you bring her home, you go between her legs, and she's got a nine-inch fucking cock. 1.00
00:29:16.000 Because most of those trannies always have the biggest fucking dick cycle. 1.00
00:29:20.000 A tranny ain't gonna have a two-inch dick. 1.00
00:29:22.000 They always got a rope between their fucking legs. 1.00
00:29:25.000 So you don't think that... 1.00
00:29:26.000 Right there when you grab that rope, you're gonna stop and laugh, Joe Rogan?
00:29:30.000 No, no, I'd be dangerous.
00:29:31.000 I felt like I was in danger.
00:29:32.000 Because I would feel like I got tricked.
00:29:34.000 Right, so now what?
00:29:35.000 Whenever I feel like I'm getting tricked, and if you get tricked and all of a sudden the trick turns out to be a man, that's a danger situation.
00:29:41.000 You're alone with a man.
00:29:42.000 So now what? 0.99
00:29:43.000 So now you gotta wonder what the fuck is gonna happen. 0.99
00:29:45.000 So you're gonna throw out of your house and make a walk down the hill. 0.99
00:29:47.000 You gotta find out if that person's violent.
00:29:49.000 You gotta find out if that person's apologetic. 1.00
00:29:51.000 You gotta find out if that person just fucked up. 1.00
00:29:54.000 Oh, with a gun in your hand. 1.00
00:29:55.000 All these things I'm gonna find out. 0.99
00:29:57.000 I'm gonna go back and get my dildo. 0.90
00:29:59.000 It's upstairs. 0.90
00:30:00.000 I'll be right back. 1.00
00:30:01.000 I'm gonna shove it up your ass. 1.00
00:30:02.000 You're gonna see stars. 1.00
00:30:03.000 I'm gonna come back with that 9mm at gunpoint, you miserable cocksucker. 1.00
00:30:08.000 Tell me the fucking truth. 1.00
00:30:09.000 How long have you been doing this? 1.00
00:30:10.000 Something!
00:30:11.000 We gotta do something here.
00:30:12.000 We just can't let...
00:30:12.000 You're not gonna laugh it off.
00:30:14.000 It's creepy. 0.99
00:30:15.000 You would shoot him? 1.00
00:30:16.000 You think you'd kill him? 1.00
00:30:17.000 Something. 1.00
00:30:18.000 I gotta kick him in the stomach. 1.00
00:30:19.000 I gotta do something. 1.00
00:30:19.000 Something's getting a beating. 1.00
00:30:21.000 We gotta do something.
00:30:22.000 Not weed.
00:30:22.000 Something.
00:30:22.000 I'm calling my friends.
00:30:24.000 I fucked up. 1.00
00:30:25.000 I fucked up, dog. 1.00
00:30:26.000 I picked up this chick. 1.00
00:30:28.000 I went to grab her pussy and she had a bigger dick than me. 1.00
00:30:31.000 But what do I do? 1.00
00:30:31.000 If I called you at four in the morning... 1.00
00:30:34.000 Santa Monica Boulevard, would you shoot him? 0.99
00:30:36.000 If you had the gun on you? 0.99
00:30:37.000 Oh, please. 1.00
00:30:37.000 Guy sucks your dick. 1.00
00:30:39.000 I don't know. 1.00
00:30:39.000 Would it be just, get the fuck out of my car, or would it be, bah, bah, bah? 1.00
00:30:42.000 Alright, now you threw him out of your car. 0.99
00:30:44.000 Think of that feeling you're going to have.
00:30:46.000 That has to be the worst feeling. 0.99
00:30:48.000 You're going to get back in your car, either you're going to crash your car against a fucking wall doing 90, because you can't believe this just happened to you. 0.98
00:30:55.000 Whatever you do five minutes after you find out this person, it's legal. 0.99
00:30:59.000 I could sell that in court.
00:31:01.000 I could sell that in court.
00:31:02.000 Your Honor, let's break it down.
00:31:04.000 Forget the attorney.
00:31:04.000 This is man talking to man.
00:31:06.000 You ever want to crack a fucking nut late night and a blonde heel, she sucks your dick, all of a sudden you go for that monkey and there's a two-foot fucking cock. 1.00
00:31:13.000 There's three minutes of blackout time right there. 1.00
00:31:16.000 Let's get the little conference.
00:31:17.000 The attorneys, how long did he bring her home and shoot her? 0.95
00:31:20.000 If you shoot her within four or five minutes, it's temporary insanity.
00:31:23.000 Think of what a guy's going to feel like. 0.97
00:31:25.000 You're right about that.
00:31:26.000 Also, I don't know if you could call it temporary insanity.
00:31:29.000 You wouldn't get life.
00:31:31.000 You don't know that there might have been some sort of a...
00:31:34.000 There might have been some sort of an assault situation inside the car as well.
00:31:37.000 We don't know.
00:31:38.000 When he confronted him, it could have been that the guy attacked him first, and then he pulled his gun out.
00:31:44.000 I mean, he's probably freaked. 0.99
00:31:45.000 Who the fuck knows? 0.99
00:31:46.000 We're just totally speculating. 0.99
00:31:47.000 I'll tell you, that was a soldier, an Iraqi soldier, who came back.
00:31:51.000 I mean, all this guy had to do was pull over and tell the cop's office, let me talk to you what happened.
00:31:56.000 Let me tell you what really happened, dog.
00:31:58.000 I'm a little horned up. 1.00
00:31:59.000 I just went over there for my country, and some guy just sucked my dick, and I shot him. 1.00
00:32:04.000 What do you think? 1.00
00:32:05.000 We're going to let this go?
00:32:07.000 Joey, they don't ever let it go when someone shoots somebody.
00:32:10.000 Listen, you got two good cops in the right mood.
00:32:13.000 One of them just got divorced. 0.77
00:32:15.000 The other one's got a brother who's gay, and he don't like sitting across with him. 1.00
00:32:19.000 On fucking Thanksgiving. 1.00
00:32:20.000 You know what I'm saying? 1.00
00:32:21.000 And all of a sudden you're like, what? 1.00
00:32:22.000 Some guy sucked your dick? 1.00
00:32:23.000 We feel for you. 1.00
00:32:24.000 Get back in the car.
00:32:25.000 We'll just wrap this up.
00:32:26.000 Let somebody find...
00:32:27.000 I mean, I think a guy would really...
00:32:29.000 That might have happened in the 60s.
00:32:31.000 But nowadays... 1.00
00:32:32.000 Well, now because you got these fucking people and GPS. Yeah, back in the day, cops were the only ones that were able to talk. 0.99
00:32:40.000 They could make a decision right down the spot.
00:32:41.000 Yeah, they could be in the car with a little, you know, one out of twelve, one out of twelve.
00:32:45.000 We're closed in on a suspect.
00:32:47.000 Now you got cameras, you can't do nothing.
00:32:49.000 But still, listen.
00:32:50.000 Joe, let me talk to you on this side.
00:32:51.000 It's a quarter to twelve. 1.00
00:32:52.000 I got this Puerto Rican chick that wants to suck my dick. 1.00
00:32:54.000 She likes when I come over with my gun holster on. 1.00
00:32:56.000 This guy just killed a tranny. 1.00
00:32:58.000 We got no paperwork here. 0.95
00:32:59.000 Is that what it is?
00:33:00.000 Sure.
00:33:01.000 But then it doesn't matter, Joe.
00:33:03.000 You still have to account for a murder.
00:33:05.000 That's the problem with your theory.
00:33:07.000 You still have to account for a guy who shot a guy.
00:33:09.000 I understand this.
00:33:10.000 And you have a suspect.
00:33:10.000 You have it all wrapped up right here in front of you.
00:33:12.000 I think if you shoot him... 0.99
00:33:13.000 And tell the court the truth. 0.98
00:33:14.000 You get off an involuntary manslaughter and do six years.
00:33:17.000 They cut that in half. 0.99
00:33:18.000 You're out of there in a couple fucking months. 0.99
00:33:20.000 Really? 1.00
00:33:20.000 And you got to shoot somebody and have some fun and get your dick sucked. 1.00
00:33:23.000 You got to shoot somebody and have some fun and get your dick sucked. 1.00
00:33:26.000 For three years to shoot somebody and get your dick sucked. 1.00
00:33:28.000 That's a lot of fun to shoot somebody and smell the gun. 1.00
00:33:31.000 I heard prison food really bad. 0.93
00:33:32.000 Oh, it's terrible, but you got a good attorney, you negotiate it down.
00:33:35.000 Do you remember cafeteria food like in college or high school?
00:33:38.000 It's just like that.
00:33:38.000 Horrible.
00:33:39.000 Fucking horrible. 1.00
00:33:40.000 It's like McDonald's food. 0.99
00:33:42.000 Speaking of prison, have you seen this new bill they're trying to pass now that would make it possible to strip anybody of citizenship if they proposed a threat to America, if they're American citizens?
00:33:54.000 Yeah, I heard about that.
00:33:55.000 It snuck in.
00:33:56.000 So where are they going to take it?
00:33:58.000 Back to it!
00:33:59.000 They're going to kick you out of the country. 1.00
00:34:01.000 They keep coming up with crazier and crazier fucking things. 1.00
00:34:05.000 This is the year of total, complete control. 1.00
00:34:11.000 They're trying to control the internet.
00:34:13.000 They're trying to control this National Defense Authorization Act.
00:34:18.000 SOPA and PIPA. All this different shit that's going on. 0.99
00:34:21.000 It's like the control is getting tighter and tighter and tighter and when you hear shit like this like they want to be able to strip people of their citizenship like what the fuck? 1.00
00:34:29.000 Where do you have to go? 0.99
00:34:30.000 By whose definition?
00:34:31.000 I don't know.
00:34:32.000 You'd have to go to Mexico or somewhere that'll take you. 0.99
00:34:34.000 I mean there's a few countries that will just take you.
00:34:36.000 Yeah, that seems like illegal like worldwide. 0.99
00:34:38.000 It's fucking crazy! 0.98
00:34:39.000 It doesn't seem like that's possible. 0.99
00:34:40.000 This is the strangest time in my life of watching the government and watching all these people scramble to try to get into position.
00:34:50.000 This is a weird time, man.
00:34:51.000 This feels so bizarre.
00:34:53.000 I never thought I would see something like that.
00:34:55.000 Someone writing something down like that, that you should be able to have the power to kick people out of the country if somehow or another they do something to harm America. 0.95
00:35:06.000 You know how ridiculous that is?
00:35:08.000 No one's harming America. 0.99
00:35:10.000 They're coming up with all these fucking crazy laws and the ability to detain people, but what is really happening here? 0.98
00:35:17.000 Nothing! 0.99
00:35:18.000 Nothing's happening in America!
00:35:19.000 Nothing!
00:35:20.000 The only thing that's happening is that people are saying they're not happy with the current government.
00:35:25.000 That's the only action that's happening in the whole country. 0.82
00:35:28.000 It's not like there's some fucking crazy thing going on where we're being constantly attacked by terrorists and we have to figure out how to defend ourselves in an ever-changing world. 0.98
00:35:36.000 No, there's no fucking terror attacks! 0.98
00:35:38.000 And I don't say they're catching them all. 0.99
00:35:40.000 I don't really think there's that many terrorists out there. 0.98
00:35:42.000 I don't really think there's that many people that fucking hate us. 0.99
00:35:45.000 And I think that number would be substantially less if we weren't occupying in other fucking countries. 0.99
00:35:50.000 But the bottom line is they're coming up with all these laws that are set up to control us and to shackle us, to put us down... 0.99
00:35:58.000 And they're protecting us from what?
00:36:00.000 These laws are for what?
00:36:02.000 Where is this threat?
00:36:04.000 Where is this threat in our country that you need to create these laws?
00:36:08.000 Well, the only threat is to the power that be.
00:36:10.000 That's the only threat.
00:36:12.000 The powers that be are the only ones who are being threatened.
00:36:14.000 That's it.
00:36:16.000 It's not like we have to worry about terrorist attacks. 1.00
00:36:18.000 You know, that's a fucking, that's a bullshit thing, man. 1.00
00:36:21.000 There's not that many fucking terrorists. 1.00
00:36:24.000 There's not that many. 0.99
00:36:25.000 Yeah, there are some, and yeah, there are plots, and yeah, some are legit.
00:36:29.000 But the laws that they're coming up with, man, they're not doing this to protect us from terrorism.
00:36:35.000 They're doing this to make it harder for people to get up and protest. 0.99
00:36:39.000 That's what the fuck they're doing. 0.99
00:36:40.000 It's a spooky time. 1.00
00:36:42.000 It's a spooky time to watch this shit go down. 0.99
00:36:45.000 It's like this is everything they warned us about in the Founding Fathers. 0.99
00:36:48.000 This is everything Benjamin Franklin said.
00:36:51.000 This is bizarre.
00:36:52.000 It's like they predicted it.
00:36:53.000 They predicted that one day there would become a point of ultimate corruption.
00:36:58.000 You have to do everything you can and keep these pieces in place in order to avoid that ultimate corruption.
00:37:03.000 This is communist 3D. It's not really communism.
00:37:06.000 It's communism 3D. Like they're coming at your computers and pull you over and take your fucking this and ask you for an ID. And I understand you're protecting us. 0.98
00:37:18.000 But again, protecting us from how much?
00:37:21.000 How much are you from protecting us? 0.53
00:37:23.000 You've got middle America running fucking scared with CNN and the media. 0.93
00:37:27.000 Running scared. 0.96
00:37:29.000 And they don't know. 0.99
00:37:30.000 They really don't fucking know that... 0.99
00:37:32.000 They're scaring us into us giving up our rights. 0.99
00:37:36.000 Yeah, all of our rights.
00:37:36.000 That's what they want us to do.
00:37:38.000 Give us our fucking rights by scaring us. 0.99
00:37:40.000 Well, if you don't let me fucking x-ray you, we can't catch a fucking whatever. 0.99
00:37:44.000 It's always something. 0.99
00:37:46.000 These phone laws, it's always fucking something every week. 0.88
00:37:49.000 Well, you know, there's a lot of people that believe that the government would have tried some sort of a false flag event. 0.86
00:37:55.000 You know what a false flag event is?
00:37:57.000 An event that they'll do something on purpose in order to get us to realize, whoa, there's a threat.
00:38:04.000 We need to beef up the law. 0.98
00:38:06.000 And that's shit that they've pulled since the beginning of time. 0.98
00:38:08.000 But there's a lot of people that don't believe they can do that today. 0.99
00:38:12.000 They think that it's too easy.
00:38:13.000 The access to information is just too easy to spread.
00:38:16.000 And that with the internet, it's so difficult to control things, they don't think they could do it.
00:38:20.000 What happened to the Occupy movement?
00:38:21.000 Anybody know?
00:38:22.000 Still going on.
00:38:22.000 Where?
00:38:23.000 Everywhere.
00:38:24.000 Olive Garden?
00:38:25.000 The Occupy Olive Garden? 1.00
00:38:26.000 Where the fuck are these people? 1.00
00:38:28.000 Where the fuck are they protesting against American Airlines with the $20 luggages? 1.00
00:38:33.000 Where the fuck are these people? 1.00
00:38:35.000 American Airlines 20. You know, everybody's paying the 20 for the luggage. 0.99
00:38:38.000 Where are all these people?
00:38:38.000 I don't think that's cheap.
00:38:40.000 That's one of Occupy...
00:38:41.000 That's not like...
00:38:42.000 But where are these people now that are coming back?
00:38:45.000 American Airlines... 0.99
00:38:45.000 This is a fucking luggage thing. 0.99
00:38:47.000 Fuck you. 1.00
00:38:48.000 The Occupy Movement for me... 1.00
00:38:49.000 March up and down every day for that.
00:38:50.000 No, the Occupy Movement for me...
00:38:51.000 It's by Fly Southwest. 0.98
00:38:52.000 Where I fucking loved it. 0.96
00:38:53.000 I thought that they... 0.92
00:38:54.000 For me, I think that all we got to do is bring half of these corporations back to the United States.
00:38:59.000 I don't care if you want to open up something across, but you've got to open up one here too.
00:39:04.000 You've got to have two. 0.99
00:39:05.000 You've got to pay taxes for this one, and then do whatever the fuck you want in Beijing with Hindus or whatever the fuck you want to do. 1.00
00:39:11.000 And that's what's killed middle America. 0.99
00:39:13.000 They've left Pittsburgh.
00:39:14.000 They've left Buffalo.
00:39:16.000 There's no more manufacturing. 0.99
00:39:17.000 That's what I want back, so we can have some fucking jobs. 0.98
00:39:21.000 We've talked about this before, about iPods or an iPhone. 0.98
00:39:25.000 I would pay double the amount of money for a karma-free iPhone that American workers got paid.
00:39:33.000 $64 more is what it would cost.
00:39:35.000 Yeah, I heard that.
00:39:36.000 But here's the problem with that logic.
00:39:38.000 The minerals.
00:39:39.000 The minerals to make those phones, you have to get in Africa. 1.00
00:39:42.000 And you've seen how they get those minerals, man. 0.99
00:39:45.000 At the end of the most complicated shit that we have, technology, at its root is a kid in Africa. 1.00
00:39:53.000 Working in a fucking mine, pulling shit out of the ground with a piece of metal and a stick. 1.00
00:39:58.000 I mean, it's as base as you can get. 1.00
00:40:01.000 Child fucking slavery in Africa, extracting minerals is super common. 0.99
00:40:08.000 They had that Vice special, what they did on it, when they went to the Congo and watched these guys. 0.99
00:40:14.000 And it's, you know, it's weird to think that that's the only way you can do that.
00:40:19.000 The only way you can get those minerals is you gotta go there.
00:40:22.000 That's where they're at.
00:40:23.000 But, you know, the other sense, I want to have kids just so I have them doing chores, because I don't want to have a maid in my house, but it seems like when I was young, I had to, like, clean the living room once a time.
00:40:34.000 And that's kind of like having your kid being a child laborer, you know?
00:40:37.000 Like, you're making them clean your house.
00:40:39.000 Chores... 0.50
00:40:40.000 I used to have to clean bathrooms, scrub bathrooms when I was 11. It's because kids have to have responsibility, learn to contribute.
00:40:47.000 I am happy my parents made me do chores. 1.00
00:40:50.000 Fuck you. 1.00
00:40:50.000 Because it taught me how to work hard. 1.00
00:40:52.000 Fuck you. 1.00
00:40:52.000 It taught me how to just buckle up and fucking work hard. 1.00
00:40:56.000 I think my parents took advantage of me. 0.99
00:40:57.000 I was mowing lawns and shit, and then I'm looking back going, man, I need that in my life right now. 0.98
00:41:03.000 I need to have kids just to clean this place up, because I'm tired of doing it myself. 0.99
00:41:07.000 Well, I'm not sure how the fuck that works with child labor in Africa, in phones. 0.99
00:41:13.000 I'm not sure how you made that connection. 0.98
00:41:15.000 Because it's like making kids work.
00:41:17.000 It's not making kids work.
00:41:19.000 It's not putting them to work for money is work.
00:41:22.000 Helping out and contributing it at home is not work, Brian. 0.98
00:41:27.000 My mother used to make me fucking work, man. 0.98
00:41:30.000 What's that? 1.00
00:41:31.000 My mother used to make me fucking work. 1.00
00:41:33.000 I used to have to empty the tampon things in the women's fucking bathroom at my mother's bar when I was six and put ice cubes in the fucking urinals and fucking stock the ice. 1.00
00:41:44.000 Why do they do the ice cubes so it doesn't splatter back at you? 1.00
00:41:47.000 I don't fucking know. 1.00
00:41:47.000 That's disgusting. 1.00
00:41:47.000 Or is it just to play a game? 1.00
00:41:49.000 My dad was an architect, so most of my jobs that I got, like summer jobs and shit, it was always on construction sites. 0.95
00:41:55.000 So I've worked like real jobs. 0.80
00:41:57.000 I had some real construction jobs.
00:41:59.000 And especially, you know, after I graduated, I had some that went through the winter.
00:42:03.000 We worked outside in the winter once.
00:42:06.000 You know, those are real jobs.
00:42:09.000 Those are my best days, bro.
00:42:10.000 I used to roof in Colorado, flat roofs, stock them in the dead of the winter. 0.92
00:42:14.000 I remember one day I took a shit in a bag and crunched it up and gave it to one of the workers and told him it was a brownie. 1.00
00:42:20.000 And like 10 minutes later, he's like, this ain't a brownie, it smells like shit. 1.00
00:42:23.000 We're fucking dying to laugh at that. 0.99
00:42:25.000 I used to be a fucking roofer, an estimating roofer. 0.99
00:42:29.000 When I got out of prison, I was in the halfway house. 0.98
00:42:31.000 I was an estimator for a roofing company. 0.99
00:42:33.000 But I started out as a fucking loading the roofs in Boulder, Colorado in January in the fucking snow. 0.99
00:42:41.000 You gotta get up there, shovel the snow, then cut it and throw it in. 0.99
00:42:45.000 We used to build igloos. 0.98
00:42:48.000 To fucking put rubber down on the roofs. 1.00
00:42:51.000 That's fucking crazy. 1.00
00:42:52.000 That's the thing about Colorado. 1.00
00:42:54.000 You used to build igloos.
00:42:55.000 What do you mean?
00:42:55.000 So let's say you have to lay down 40 squares of rubber that day, ballasted with rocks.
00:43:03.000 We would shovel the roof, and after the fucking shoveling, we'd lay the insulation down, but it was snowing. 0.64
00:43:09.000 So three laborers would be cutting the roof, and the other three were building poles with a cover so the snow wouldn't land on the... 0.99
00:43:16.000 So we'd have to build shit when it snowed. 0.95
00:43:18.000 It was like in New Jersey and New York City, which is the biggest metropolitan city, they get six inches of snow and the city closes down. 0.99
00:43:25.000 I thought he was like blocking ice and making like a...
00:43:28.000 In Colorado, they get a foot of snow and you're at work at 8.01.
00:43:30.000 It's like another day of business. 0.99
00:43:32.000 You can't say, well, my bus came late because it didn't come late, bitch. 1.00
00:43:35.000 That motherfucker came on time. 1.00
00:43:36.000 They've been driving the snow for 20 years. 1.00
00:43:38.000 There's no I'm 10 minutes late because there was snow in Colorado.
00:43:41.000 There never is.
00:43:41.000 You know what was really impressive?
00:43:43.000 We were in Montreal in December, and it was cold as fuck. 0.98
00:43:48.000 But man, that airport was smooth. 0.99
00:43:51.000 They're de-icing. 1.00
00:43:52.000 They had that shit down pat. 1.00
00:43:53.000 Well, these new modern airports. 1.00
00:43:55.000 They were plowing the runways and cleaning everything.
00:43:59.000 And they heated runways.
00:44:00.000 Yeah.
00:44:00.000 Amazing.
00:44:00.000 It's not really fucking amazing.
00:44:02.000 Amazing. 0.99
00:44:03.000 Yeah, they avoid a lot of bullshit. 0.99
00:44:05.000 They plan well for the cold up there. 0.99
00:44:09.000 Yeah, they do.
00:44:10.000 In Colorado, too, they really do. 0.99
00:44:11.000 In the suburbs, it snowed afoot, and the fucking guy came by with the plow, and he did it, and it's over. 0.99
00:44:18.000 It's over. 0.99
00:44:18.000 In the bigger cities, it snows in three days. 0.99
00:44:21.000 They don't fucking plow to you. 0.99
00:44:22.000 The crazy shit is when you hear about the mountains getting seven feet. 1.00
00:44:26.000 Oh my god. 0.99
00:44:26.000 Like every now and then they'll get a snow dump and seven feet of snow will fall on. 0.99
00:44:30.000 I don't think people even understand what the fuck that means. 0.80
00:44:33.000 I've compared it to people. 0.93
00:44:34.000 It means you're not going anywhere.
00:44:35.000 Nowhere.
00:44:36.000 You're not going anywhere for a week at least.
00:44:39.000 I hit the 1983, if you could get a minute, I hit the 1983 blizzard, which was 24 days in a row of snow.
00:44:49.000 Oh! 0.60
00:44:49.000 Anywhere from two inches, Joe, to two feet. 0.60
00:44:52.000 But it didn't matter.
00:44:53.000 It didn't matter.
00:44:54.000 It was snow every day.
00:44:56.000 So you pretty much went home and, you know, got up to work.
00:45:00.000 Thanksgiving blizzard.
00:45:01.000 Oh, hard.
00:45:01.000 That's what Colorado's known for, brother.
00:45:03.000 They say that Colorado gets blizzards always, like, around Thanksgiving or Halloween.
00:45:07.000 One or the other.
00:45:08.000 One or the other. 1.00
00:45:09.000 And it hits you early, just to remind you, bitch. 1.00
00:45:12.000 Put away the, you know what I'm saying? 1.00
00:45:13.000 Like, don't get too comfortable with your shorts.
00:45:15.000 It hits you like in September.
00:45:16.000 My sister was born in the blizzard of 78 in Ohio, and they had to take a helicopter, had to go to my parents' house and pick her up, my mom up, to have a baby.
00:45:26.000 Are you serious?
00:45:27.000 Yeah.
00:45:27.000 Really?
00:45:28.000 Holy shit. 1.00
00:45:29.000 How much was that fucking helicopter ride? 1.00
00:45:30.000 I know insurance didn't cover it, yeah. 0.99
00:45:33.000 One of the biggest snowstorms to ever hit a major city in the U.S., the Thanksgiving blizzard of 1983. Kyra.
00:45:40.000 Kyra.
00:45:40.000 Yeah.
00:45:40.000 Particularly Blizzard just wanted a whole series of storms that blew through the country over a two-week period.
00:45:46.000 So something happened and like a weather pattern got stuck over there or something.
00:45:50.000 Oh, it was horrid.
00:45:52.000 Joe Rogan.
00:45:52.000 And it wasn't...
00:45:53.000 I remember looking at the sky, how the sky looked. 0.98
00:45:57.000 Like you could still see the moon in the fucking morning. 0.94
00:46:00.000 Like at 5 in the morning, you could still see the moon and the sun's coming out at the same time with that haze. 1.00
00:46:05.000 It's just fucking beautiful mountains. 0.92
00:46:07.000 How long did it take before people could move around? 0.99
00:46:11.000 20 minutes.
00:46:12.000 No, no, no, no.
00:46:13.000 After the blizzard.
00:46:15.000 Like how long before people could drive around?
00:46:17.000 20 minutes.
00:46:17.000 No, come on.
00:46:18.000 Bro, it's Colorado.
00:46:20.000 Seven feet of snow? 0.99
00:46:21.000 How the fuck? 0.99
00:46:22.000 Oh, you know, I mean, it's snowing and people living their life. 0.99
00:46:25.000 You know what I'm saying?
00:46:26.000 It's just snowing and it's adding up.
00:46:27.000 And you're still living your life.
00:46:29.000 You're like, well, we got a foot of snow.
00:46:30.000 And all of a sudden you go in, you look out at midnight.
00:46:32.000 Honey, I got to put my shoes on.
00:46:34.000 I got to go back out there and shovel.
00:46:35.000 You know, it was one of those things.
00:46:36.000 I know that I've read that they've gotten seven feet of snow in some areas, but my brain won't let me believe that. 0.99
00:46:42.000 Fucking seven feet. 1.00
00:46:42.000 My brain is going, shut up. 1.00
00:46:45.000 That's over a car. 1.00
00:46:46.000 What? 1.00
00:46:47.000 Seven fucking feet. 1.00
00:46:48.000 Seven feet of snow. 1.00
00:46:49.000 What?
00:46:50.000 Is that real?
00:46:51.000 That's real, bro. 0.99
00:46:53.000 That's fucking real. 0.99
00:46:53.000 What is the deepest snow that has ever been recorded? 0.99
00:46:57.000 Like the deepest snowfall?
00:46:58.000 Let's find out.
00:46:59.000 What is the deepest...
00:47:00.000 I don't think it's here either.
00:47:01.000 I don't think it would be in the United States.
00:47:03.000 The most amount of snowfall in one storm?
00:47:06.000 Yeah, I don't think it would be in the United States somewhere.
00:47:09.000 What's the deepest snowfall in the United States? 0.99
00:47:12.000 Oh shit, it's a race between me typing. 0.99
00:47:16.000 1993 storm of the century. 1.00
00:47:19.000 The total snowfall, 12 feet.
00:47:22.000 Oh my god, where?
00:47:24.000 12.91 feet.
00:47:25.000 Hold on a second.
00:47:27.000 Storm of the Century, 93 Superstorm, the blizzard of 1993. The East Coast, North America, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
00:47:37.000 Killed 310 people.
00:47:39.000 What is the most snow in a storm ever butthole?
00:47:51.000 I loved it in 83. Jesus Christ.
00:47:53.000 Snow drifts are as high as 35 feet.
00:47:55.000 Yeah, bro.
00:47:56.000 But that's a drift. 0.99
00:47:58.000 You see some wild shit living up there in Haspen, off of Ajax. 1.00
00:48:02.000 You see some fucking drifts. 1.00
00:48:04.000 I remember going to Rivington, Wyoming and all that. 0.99
00:48:07.000 Like, my buddies used to jump off a helicopter and land in the snow, and they'd say there had to be 20 feet of fucking snow under them. 0.97
00:48:13.000 You imagine that? 0.98
00:48:15.000 Just jumping on a helicopter 20 feet and landing in snow with your poles. 1.00
00:48:18.000 That's James Bond type shit. 1.00
00:48:20.000 That's crazy. 1.00
00:48:20.000 That's crazy shit. 1.00
00:48:21.000 Helicopter skiing all of them. 1.00
00:48:23.000 They take you up there where there's no lifts.
00:48:25.000 There's no lifts.
00:48:26.000 Oh my god, yeah!
00:48:28.000 And you just go down and you don't know what's under you. 0.98
00:48:30.000 Those videos, whenever I watch those videos, those extreme sports videos of guys jumping out of helicopters with a fucking snowboard and going down the side of a mountain. 1.00
00:48:37.000 That's ridiculous. 0.99
00:48:37.000 That might as well be taking place on Avatar. 0.99
00:48:40.000 You might as well be doing some Silver Surfer shit. 0.99
00:48:43.000 You know, I can't even believe I'm sharing the planet with you. 1.00
00:48:46.000 You're a crazy person. 1.00
00:48:48.000 You're living the nuttiest life humanly possible. 1.00
00:48:50.000 That's like suicide, right?
00:48:51.000 No, it's like they have massive confidence in their ability.
00:48:54.000 Wow.
00:48:55.000 And I guess the rush of it is so spectacular that they're willing to take the risk of dying.
00:49:00.000 People die all the time.
00:49:01.000 Somebody just died the other day.
00:49:03.000 Yeah, a skier.
00:49:04.000 A girl, yeah.
00:49:05.000 I think she was doing some crazy sort of a jump, though.
00:49:08.000 Oh, really?
00:49:08.000 Yeah.
00:49:08.000 Those are really dangerous, man.
00:49:11.000 You're fucking ski jumping, you're flying through the air, and you're hoping you're going to land perfectly on this fucking slope, and everything's all slippery. 0.99
00:49:18.000 Like Valentine's Week in Aspen, I was telling you, that's when the lower... 0.99
00:49:21.000 The lowest point of moisture is in the air.
00:49:23.000 So people ski with bikinis on in February. 0.99
00:49:26.000 And what they do is they build a ramp in Snowmass Village. 0.99
00:49:30.000 People ski down with bikinis and do a loop-de-loop over a fucking pool. 1.00
00:49:34.000 There's nothing wrong with that. 1.00
00:49:34.000 Over a fucking swimming pool. 1.00
00:49:36.000 And people do it all the time. 1.00
00:49:37.000 And you're like, oh my god. 0.97
00:49:39.000 Like, I could never even, I was just happy skiing, going, you know, on like a green fucking slope or something. 0.97
00:49:46.000 I was just happy, not jumping and shit like that. 0.84
00:49:48.000 But sometimes I would ski and pick up momentum, and I'd just crash just to stop Joe Rogan. 0.99
00:49:52.000 That's how fast you go on those fucking skis, I'm telling you the truth. 0.99
00:49:55.000 I'm telling you the truth. 1.00
00:49:56.000 I don't give a fuck what anybody tells you. 0.99
00:49:58.000 When I first started skiing the first season, I wasn't too good at stopping. 1.00
00:50:01.000 I would do the plows and shit, and I would just take out fucking ski lines. 0.99
00:50:05.000 I would just take them the fuck out because I had no choice. 1.00
00:50:07.000 I would just put my head down and go in there like fucking Jerome Bettis. 1.00
00:50:10.000 People get hurt that way, huh? 1.00
00:50:12.000 People get fucking hurt. 0.99
00:50:12.000 That's what a lot of people get torn knees, right? 0.99
00:50:14.000 People crashing into them?
00:50:15.000 Yeah, my second season, I started plowing a little better, and I got better.
00:50:19.000 But there's times when you're picking up some speed, and you're like, whoa, wait a second.
00:50:24.000 I would just fall.
00:50:25.000 Remember when it killed Sonny Bono, man? 1.00
00:50:27.000 Yeah, that was a fucking tree. 1.00
00:50:28.000 That's... 1.00
00:50:29.000 And that happens.
00:50:30.000 That happens.
00:50:31.000 You're just skiing.
00:50:31.000 You hit something.
00:50:32.000 You ski twist.
00:50:33.000 You're going right there.
00:50:35.000 You're going right there. 1.00
00:50:36.000 God damn. 1.00
00:50:36.000 That's how you're going up at the ski. 1.00
00:50:38.000 That was when I learned about coolness.
00:50:40.000 Does anybody ski with a helmet on?
00:50:42.000 I would.
00:50:43.000 Would you?
00:50:43.000 Yeah, I mean...
00:50:44.000 Would you ski with like a big Michelin Man outfit as well?
00:50:47.000 A big Nerf outfit?
00:50:49.000 Like, that's when I learned about coolness.
00:50:51.000 I thought coolness was being in New York in the village and smoking a joint.
00:50:54.000 No?
00:50:55.000 No, no, no. 0.98
00:50:55.000 When you go skiing and you get in that fucking gondola and there's six people and they look like your grandpa and all of a sudden somebody goes over and goes, do you mind if we spark up a joint? 0.98
00:51:04.000 And you're like, are you fucking serious? 0.99
00:51:06.000 Really? 0.99
00:51:06.000 They spark up joints on the gondolas? 0.99
00:51:08.000 They give you mushrooms.
00:51:10.000 What?
00:51:10.000 They spark joints.
00:51:11.000 You don't know who you...
00:51:12.000 People go skiing to the doctors and go, look, we can't get high in Minneapolis, but we're going to get high and we go to Aspen.
00:51:18.000 We're trying it.
00:51:19.000 We're doing it.
00:51:19.000 We're doing mushrooms.
00:51:20.000 Aspen's kind of a crazy town, isn't it?
00:51:22.000 Yes, it's very...
00:51:23.000 But it's weird that there's so many rich people that live in Aspen.
00:51:26.000 Like, I remember being in Aspen going, how are they affording all these houses?
00:51:30.000 Like, these are just gigantic, multi-multi-multi-million dollar houses all over the place.
00:51:36.000 And the stores are all, like, the highest-end stores.
00:51:39.000 How many people actually live up there, though?
00:51:40.000 Is it all, like, winter?
00:51:42.000 Hit the button.
00:51:43.000 Mostly winter. 0.95
00:51:44.000 A lot of the summers are fucking beautiful in Aspen. 0.97
00:51:47.000 Yeah. 0.98
00:51:47.000 And you've got to remember, this is the sick thing about Aspen. 0.98
00:51:50.000 These are their second homes, guys.
00:51:52.000 Yeah.
00:51:52.000 These are their winter homes.
00:51:54.000 Right.
00:51:54.000 They close them up and put a...
00:51:56.000 The guy I house sat for was the owner of the...
00:51:59.000 He was on the board of TGIF Friday.
00:52:01.000 And this was one of his eight houses.
00:52:03.000 And he would only use it one week a year.
00:52:06.000 Jesus Christ.
00:52:06.000 And he wanted you to live in the house.
00:52:08.000 So when he came to town, there was no dilemmas.
00:52:10.000 Right.
00:52:11.000 Guy had four bedrooms. 1.00
00:52:12.000 I undued the speedometer on his fucking Jeep. 0.99
00:52:15.000 I was living up there like Montana. 1.00
00:52:17.000 I had a jacuzzi inside, outside.
00:52:19.000 He had an apartment over the garage.
00:52:21.000 That's common, right?
00:52:21.000 That people hire a caretaker?
00:52:23.000 Yeah, they hire a caretaker.
00:52:24.000 And all my job was 20 hours a month.
00:52:26.000 So it was either 20 hours of mowing the lawn or 20 hours of shoveling snow or both.
00:52:32.000 That's it.
00:52:32.000 It wasn't much.
00:52:33.000 And so what, he would just call you when he's coming into town?
00:52:35.000 He would call me and say, I'm coming in December 14th through the 28th.
00:52:38.000 And you would just start cleaning up?
00:52:39.000 And I would clean up his side of the house.
00:52:42.000 And I had everything stashed inside the house.
00:52:45.000 I had an office inside the house.
00:52:47.000 I had scales up there.
00:52:49.000 I had everything.
00:52:49.000 Really?
00:52:50.000 Yeah, he had one, two, three, five bedrooms, an outside jacuzzi, inside jacuzzi.
00:52:55.000 So even when he was there, you were still staying there?
00:52:58.000 I would stay in the garage over there.
00:52:59.000 He had an apartment he built that was beautiful.
00:53:01.000 Cable, everything.
00:53:03.000 Wow.
00:53:04.000 So I would stay there.
00:53:05.000 Oh, I see.
00:53:06.000 Only for that one week.
00:53:07.000 And then...
00:53:08.000 I was only a caretaker there for like three years.
00:53:10.000 Did you whack off in his bed?
00:53:11.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:53:11.000 I'd fucked, sucked. 1.00
00:53:13.000 I'd do everything in his fucking house. 1.00
00:53:15.000 I had the keys to the cabinets because what you do is you put all your stuff in a particular cabinet and lock it. 1.00
00:53:20.000 Right. 1.00
00:53:20.000 So if you rent it out or your friends come to visit, they don't fuck with your shit. 1.00
00:53:23.000 Right. 1.00
00:53:23.000 That's what you do. 1.00
00:53:24.000 Right. 0.99
00:53:25.000 But I had the keys to that so I'd make my fucking... 0.99
00:53:27.000 He had... 0.99
00:53:28.000 Pounds of elk and venison up there.
00:53:30.000 Really?
00:53:30.000 You know, he was a hunter up there.
00:53:32.000 So it was an amazing fucking gig, but that was part of his thing. 0.97
00:53:36.000 Use everything. 0.99
00:53:38.000 Use everything.
00:53:38.000 I don't want to come to town and have to, you know, I don't want the sink to be broken because your pipes freeze.
00:53:44.000 Right, right, right.
00:53:44.000 So he's like, I need you in the house taking a shower.
00:53:47.000 And he had, you know, at that time it was state of the fucking art house. 0.98
00:53:50.000 Yeah, you have to live in it, right? 0.98
00:53:52.000 435 Far Away Road. 1.00
00:53:54.000 I snorted more fucking blow and ate more snatch in that fucking house. 1.00
00:53:58.000 I seen some creepy shit. 1.00
00:54:00.000 I remember being in there with a couple one night, and I met them at the bar like I knew her from the cheesecake, and they had a cheesecake store up there. 0.99
00:54:08.000 It was in the Cheesecake Factory.
00:54:09.000 It was 1984. And I invited them over, and I went to change, and she was naked. 1.00
00:54:15.000 And I was like, what the fuck? 1.00
00:54:17.000 And she goes, what do you think of my tits? 1.00
00:54:18.000 And we all went back in the jacuzzi. 0.99
00:54:20.000 And then at like 5 in the morning, he was a baker at Paul LaFrance.
00:54:24.000 I don't know if they're still there.
00:54:25.000 And he left.
00:54:26.000 They both left.
00:54:27.000 And then she called me and said, come get me.
00:54:29.000 And I went over, picked her up, brought her back to the jacuzzi. 0.98
00:54:31.000 I had the weirdest fucking things happen in Aspen. 0.99
00:54:34.000 The weirdest sex things. 1.00
00:54:36.000 That's a crazy fucking town. 1.00
00:54:38.000 Because it's like anywhere else. 1.00
00:54:39.000 When people come up there for a week, they want to fucking suck. 1.00
00:54:42.000 Yeah. 0.99
00:54:42.000 You know, people want to get lost. 0.99
00:54:44.000 And the people that would just kill up there were people from Texas. 0.99
00:54:47.000 They'd go there and fucking spend millions up there. 0.98
00:54:50.000 I went to one of those bars, one of the local bars with one of the agents where we had the Aspen Comedy Festival. 0.97
00:54:56.000 Right.
00:54:57.000 Remember that?
00:54:57.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:54:58.000 The HBO Festival.
00:54:59.000 And I was with his agent.
00:55:01.000 And he goes, you see these girls?
00:55:02.000 See that girl, that girl, that girl? 0.98
00:55:04.000 I go, yeah. 1.00
00:55:05.000 And he goes, those are all hookers. 1.00
00:55:07.000 A thousand a night. 0.99
00:55:07.000 I was like, what? 0.99
00:55:09.000 They just go to bars and they just wait and they're hookers. 1.00
00:55:13.000 They come into town, apparently, he was saying, that some of them know during ski season that there's a lot of wealthy men. 0.86
00:55:21.000 That's incredible.
00:55:21.000 So they come in and they hunt.
00:55:24.000 This is their hunting ground.
00:55:27.000 That's amazing.
00:55:27.000 They get a job on the lift, so they meet a sugar daddy, and then it's all over.
00:55:31.000 Really?
00:55:32.000 Or they just go up there to hook up in Aspen.
00:55:35.000 It's amazing.
00:55:35.000 That's amazing.
00:55:36.000 It's amazing.
00:55:37.000 There's so much dough up there, and there's so many...
00:55:39.000 It's crazy.
00:55:40.000 I remember going up there when I... It's hard to get there.
00:55:42.000 I left New York City in the peak of New York City, and I went to Aspen, and they weren't missing a beat.
00:55:48.000 There was a bar named Patty Bugatti's that had a swimming pool in the middle.
00:55:52.000 A bar with a swimming pool?
00:55:54.000 Yeah, right in the middle.
00:55:55.000 That's awesome.
00:55:56.000 So you could swim while you were drinking?
00:55:57.000 Swim, get coked up, people in there with their clothes, naked. 1.00
00:56:00.000 This was Aspen in 83. You know, in 83, Aspen was the cocaine fucking capital of the country because there was so much money up there. 0.99
00:56:08.000 That's where Miami Vice was and Glenn Frey and your boy Woody Creek and Sidney Poitier and Michael Douglas. 0.97
00:56:14.000 You've just seen people come in, Elizabeth Taylor.
00:56:16.000 I've seen, what's her name once? 1.00
00:56:18.000 The Flying Nun, that badass bitch. 1.00
00:56:21.000 The chick that was hanging out with Burt Reynolds for a while. 1.00
00:56:23.000 Oh, shit. 1.00
00:56:24.000 Sally Fields. 1.00
00:56:25.000 That fine-ass bitch at that time with her brown hair and her mink on. 1.00
00:56:28.000 Charles Bronson was up there running shit for a while. 1.00
00:56:31.000 When I first moved to Aspen, they had KTLA. It was only one channel. 0.98
00:56:35.000 And all they did was play Mr. Majestic.
00:56:37.000 Isn't it hard to get into Aspen, though, like to fly in?
00:56:40.000 Isn't it a difficult flight?
00:56:42.000 Well, they don't land in there at night.
00:56:44.000 After 8 o'clock or something, they got strict rules.
00:56:46.000 But now you can fly to Aspen from L.A. direct.
00:56:49.000 In the old days, it was just Denver and Colorado Springs.
00:56:52.000 Like I told you, if you fly into Aspen as you're flying over Woody Creek, there's a guy that dumped his wife that was a stewardess.
00:57:00.000 So he painted a finger on his roof. 0.99
00:57:03.000 So when you fly over Aspen in the daytime, there's always a roof with a fucking finger on it. 0.99
00:57:07.000 Because his wife was a stewardess for one of the airlines. 0.99
00:57:10.000 Oh, that's hilarious.
00:57:12.000 Woody Creek is a very...
00:57:14.000 I remember being a kid in Conoco at the old Snowmass border.
00:57:20.000 There was a Conoco there.
00:57:20.000 The guys were from New York.
00:57:22.000 And when you went in there, they had New York time and Colorado time. 0.99
00:57:25.000 But I remember seeing Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn with those fucking kids being kids. 0.99
00:57:30.000 I didn't know she was the girl from fucking... 1.00
00:57:33.000 I didn't know she was going to be a star. 0.99
00:57:34.000 They were kids.
00:57:35.000 At Conoco.
00:57:36.000 And at Conoco, see, at that time in Colorado, it was all retired drug dealers, right?
00:57:42.000 So the feds were up there big time.
00:57:45.000 So in Old Snowmass, they had this drug dealer. 0.97
00:57:47.000 So the feds fucking put cameras around his house, but they didn't know how to do it then. 0.96
00:57:52.000 So it came up on people's cable TV. So people were on cable going, hey, bro, you're on Channel 4. You're cooking eggs, aren't you? 0.99
00:58:00.000 And he's like, how do you know?
00:58:01.000 He sued the government.
00:58:02.000 Wow. 1.00
00:58:03.000 For fucking millions. 1.00
00:58:04.000 I mean, Aspen's got some wild fucking shit. 1.00
00:58:08.000 There's a guy, look him up, Stephen Grabo. 1.00
00:58:11.000 He got caught with $8 million, Joe Rogan.
00:58:14.000 December of 83. December of 84. He was 30 days away from standing trial.
00:58:22.000 And they blew him up with a pipe bomb at the Aspen Club when he was working out. 0.99
00:58:27.000 And that was the only night he didn't pay somebody to start his fucking car. 0.99
00:58:32.000 They blew him up with a fucking pipe bomb in the city of Aspen, which in 83, there wasn't even a fucking Spanish person up there. 0.99
00:58:39.000 It was just nice white people. 1.00
00:58:41.000 Jesus Christ.
00:58:42.000 This is his first sentence.
00:58:45.000 Despite its reputation as a city that never sleeps, thanks to the copious consumption of chemical stimulants, Aspen has seen relatively few large-scale drug busts.
00:58:54.000 Wow.
00:58:55.000 So, they're just doing drugs up in Aspen. 1.00
00:58:58.000 This is a fucking terrible place. 1.00
00:59:00.000 You come in with the government, you come in, listen, the fucking, the jail in Aspen don't got a kitchen. 1.00
00:59:05.000 That's the only jail in the country that don't have a kitchen. 0.97
00:59:08.000 kitchen they get their food catered so you get muffins for breakfast and tea and really yeah that's why Bundy escaped from there how do you think these people fucking escaped from there he went to use the phone and climbed out a fucking window Aspen Colorado when I was there some guy shot a guy with a machine gun in a coke party shot him with a machine gun they had the guy fishing they take you to fishing trips In the summer, down the fucking Roaring Fork thing, they take you fishing.
00:59:34.000 They take the prisoners fishing?
00:59:35.000 When I went to prison, the biggest thing, I wanted to go to Rifle because they gave you a job as a lifeguard in the city.
00:59:42.000 So they used the prisoners as lifeguards and they gave you a job in the movie theater in Rifle.
00:59:46.000 I ended up at Camp George West, but I really wanted to go to Rifle, which is on the other side of the hill of Aspen.
00:59:51.000 It's like an hour from Aspen.
00:59:52.000 But in the wintertime, they had work because you took over the city of the prisoners. 1.00
00:59:57.000 But it's fucking... 1.00
00:59:58.000 Aspen has no fucking kitchen, my friend. 1.00
01:00:01.000 That's ridiculous. 1.00
01:00:02.000 And they still get food catered for them. 1.00
01:00:05.000 Is there, like, a lot of shit up there, though? 0.99
01:00:07.000 There's just sort of the... 1.00
01:00:09.000 When I give you that fact, there's people tweeting me right now going, Joe, you're an asshole. 1.00
01:00:13.000 I'm telling you, in 1983, if you look it up, Aspen, Colorado was the cocaine capital of the country. 1.00
01:00:20.000 Because Colorado's right in the middle of the country.
01:00:22.000 At that time, Mexico, we weren't using Mexico.
01:00:24.000 So it was Miami, and everything got shipped to Colorado.
01:00:27.000 And from Colorado, it went to Minneapolis, Seattle, California.
01:00:32.000 Everybody's waiting for something in California.
01:00:33.000 Everybody's waiting for you in California. 0.99
01:00:35.000 In Colorado, it's a bunch of fucking guys with horses at the airport helping you carry the coke into the plane. 0.99
01:00:40.000 Can I help you with that? 0.99
01:00:41.000 They're helping you. 0.99
01:00:43.000 It's a very mystique type of fucking city at the top of this. 0.99
01:00:46.000 It's Glenwood Springs, Snowmass Village, Woody Creek, and Aspen sits on the fucking top. 0.99
01:00:51.000 Dude, this is the whole story. 0.99
01:00:53.000 1908, the Greybo case.
01:00:55.000 That's it. 0.99
01:00:56.000 Yeah, it tells about how he was blown up in a bomb placed in a borrowed car that he drove to the Aspen Club for a tennis Who the fuck do you think you're dealing with here? 0.99
01:01:04.000 Joey Bananas? 0.99
01:01:05.000 I'll drop it on you.
01:01:06.000 And if I'm right, it was December 12th or December something. 0.99
01:01:09.000 December 1985. Who the fuck do you think you're dealing with here? 0.99
01:01:12.000 A bomb in a borrowed car as he drove to the Aspen Club for a tennis match. 1.00
01:01:18.000 Could you imagine all those fucking Aspenites up there? 1.00
01:01:21.000 Listen to me. 1.00
01:01:21.000 Showing up with their tennis outfits on, their Mercedes, and pulling into the driveway, and his fucking car blows up. 1.00
01:01:27.000 All right, listen to these numbers. 0.99
01:01:28.000 He was making $6 million every six weeks.
01:01:32.000 After two or three years, he was making so much money.
01:01:36.000 He was a Jewish kid that went to Miami, to the University of Miami, to get a degree and ended up hanging out with Cubans and Colombians.
01:01:41.000 And that was it.
01:01:42.000 They made him a white guy.
01:01:44.000 They just said, you're going to control the West Coast.
01:01:46.000 And he was making $6 million every six weeks.
01:01:48.000 He couldn't even cleanse it fast enough.
01:01:51.000 So he would come into your restaurant and go, Joe Rogan, I'm going to give you $25,000 cash.
01:01:55.000 Tell me when it's over.
01:01:57.000 So he would go to every restaurant in this area and give them all 25 grand and go, do me a favor.
01:02:03.000 Tell me when it's over.
01:02:05.000 So I'm just going to come in and eat every day.
01:02:07.000 Just tell me when they're 25 grand.
01:02:08.000 And the quicker the better.
01:02:10.000 Like if I come in here for three hot dogs, tell me the 25 is gone.
01:02:12.000 You're doing me a favor.
01:02:14.000 So when they busted him, they just didn't bust him.
01:02:17.000 If you read the story, they went to all these businesses.
01:02:20.000 You know that?
01:02:20.000 There's a movie now they did years later.
01:02:22.000 That was his story where he had safes at all the restaurants.
01:02:25.000 So he would come to your restaurant and go, I'm going to give you 25 grand a month to eat here.
01:02:29.000 Tell me when it's over, but I'm going to put a safe in the back.
01:02:33.000 And he started putting.
01:02:34.000 So when the feds came up there, they found a million, two million, all these safes.
01:02:37.000 Oh my God.
01:02:38.000 They took him to Denver.
01:02:39.000 He couldn't even wash the money fast enough.
01:02:41.000 They took him to Denver. 0.99
01:02:42.000 In Denver, the feds go, go back to the fucking house because there's still another 10 million that we haven't found. 0.99
01:02:48.000 We've been listening to him. 0.99
01:02:49.000 So they went back to the house, couldn't find it, couldn't find it.
01:02:53.000 He had it hidden in a garbage can filled with leaves outside.
01:02:57.000 How the feds got him was they were going and taking his garbage and they were looking at his paperwork.
01:03:02.000 So the feds would come every morning and take his garbage and look at the figures he would do. 0.99
01:03:07.000 They did it from the scrappings, all the little figures you do and rip up, all that shit. 0.99
01:03:12.000 That's how they nailed him. 0.99
01:03:13.000 So they waited a fucking year until he was 30 days away from sentencing. 0.99
01:03:18.000 In this beautiful white suburban town of Aspen, Colorado. 1.00
01:03:22.000 And on a Sunday night, they fucking blew him up in a rented car. 0.98
01:03:26.000 Why do you think he had a borrowed car? 0.99
01:03:28.000 Because at that point, he had eight cars in his garage.
01:03:32.000 Like he had cars everywhere.
01:03:33.000 He couldn't trust any of them.
01:03:34.000 He couldn't trust any of them.
01:03:35.000 He knew that the Colombians weren't going to take it. 1.00
01:03:39.000 Whether he talked or not, why take the chance? 1.00
01:03:41.000 We're going to kill him. 1.00
01:03:42.000 So he had bodyguards and he didn't know that they put a fucking pipe bomb on him. 1.00
01:03:46.000 That was Miami Vice type shit. 1.00
01:03:48.000 He went to start his car and he almost lived. 1.00
01:03:51.000 But the pipe went up through his fucking ass. 1.00
01:03:54.000 And he almost bled to death. 1.00
01:03:55.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:03:56.000 The pipe bomb went through him or something.
01:03:58.000 Something weird.
01:03:59.000 He bled out or something.
01:04:00.000 He could have lived.
01:04:01.000 Very interesting, Aspen, Colorado.
01:04:03.000 Very interesting place.
01:04:05.000 Jesus Christ.
01:04:06.000 That's hilarious.
01:04:08.000 Well, whenever you have drugs, you're going to have violence. 0.98
01:04:09.000 Whenever you have people buying massive amounts of coke or whatever the fuck they're doing up there. 0.97
01:04:13.000 Here's where it gets better. 0.91
01:04:14.000 Is it coke up there?
01:04:15.000 This is where it gets better.
01:04:16.000 He never seen it.
01:04:18.000 What do you mean?
01:04:19.000 He moved so much blow.
01:04:20.000 He never even seen it.
01:04:22.000 He didn't see the blow.
01:04:23.000 He would go to the bank and get $500 worth of quarters a day.
01:04:28.000 His whole day was just getting quarters and then he would drive three hours to a payphone and do all his business from a payphone.
01:04:34.000 Really?
01:04:34.000 He never waited.
01:04:35.000 He never seen it.
01:04:36.000 He never touched it.
01:04:38.000 He just moved it.
01:04:39.000 Go to Minneapolis, go to LA, go to New Mexico.
01:04:42.000 Jesus Christ.
01:04:42.000 He was the center right there.
01:04:43.000 And so he did it all from pay phones?
01:04:45.000 Everything was from pay phones. 1.00
01:04:45.000 That's fucking genius. 1.00
01:04:46.000 Everything was from pay phones. 1.00
01:04:47.000 500 a day.
01:04:48.000 And they were watching him at the bank.
01:04:50.000 They were watching him.
01:04:52.000 You know, how big is Aspen? 1.00
01:04:54.000 You fart, the whole fucking town smells it. 1.00
01:04:56.000 That's amazing. 1.00
01:04:56.000 It's seven blocks or something. 1.00
01:04:58.000 Eight blocks.
01:04:58.000 Galena Street, Main Street.
01:05:00.000 You don't have much up there.
01:05:01.000 It's not very big.
01:05:02.000 He wasn't selling up there.
01:05:03.000 It wasn't like he was at bars at night.
01:05:05.000 No!
01:05:05.000 The guy was just...
01:05:06.000 That's just where he was.
01:05:07.000 He was just moving it across the country. 0.99
01:05:09.000 Very interesting fucking story about that. 0.99
01:05:11.000 That's a hell of a network you put together to be able to accomplish that. 0.99
01:05:14.000 One of the first guys ever.
01:05:15.000 Jewish guy.
01:05:18.000 What would it be like if cocaine was legal? 0.92
01:05:21.000 Annoying.
01:05:22.000 Annoying.
01:05:23.000 Would it be?
01:05:24.000 Yeah.
01:05:25.000 Super, right?
01:05:25.000 I'm the only one here that hasn't done it.
01:05:27.000 Very bad. 1.00
01:05:28.000 Very bad if they want to legalize that shit. 1.00
01:05:30.000 People go to pharmacies and shit. 1.00
01:05:33.000 And it's a creepy thing when you're doing it, and it's even creepier when you're not doing it. 0.98
01:05:38.000 Yeah.
01:05:38.000 You know, when you see it now, you're like, wow.
01:05:41.000 Is that how creepy I was?
01:05:43.000 Is that obvious?
01:05:43.000 Yeah.
01:05:43.000 Is that obvious?
01:05:44.000 Somebody told me today at the wheat store that they went to a party yesterday, and obviously the kid didn't know it was not a Coke party, because they went to a football thing, and I'm like, isn't that weird?
01:05:53.000 When one person is doing it, they stick out that way.
01:05:55.000 That's a weird feeling when you're talking to a dude and they're coked up and they give off that weird, unpredictable energy like, whoa, I gotta get away from this guy. 1.00
01:06:03.000 I can't even read this motherfucker. 1.00
01:06:04.000 I don't know what he's doing. 1.00
01:06:06.000 They come off off shifty, looking around a lot, can't shut the fuck up, constantly yapping. 1.00
01:06:15.000 It's a tough fucking afternoon. 0.99
01:06:16.000 When you were talking about the largest snowfall, did you hear what the actual one is? 0.99
01:06:20.000 No. 0.97
01:06:21.000 This is ridiculous. 0.68
01:06:22.000 It's 141 feet in more than five days. 0.92
01:06:26.000 What?
01:06:27.000 Where's this at?
01:06:28.000 It was in 1955, Alaska.
01:06:34.000 Jesus Christ.
01:06:35.000 How is that even possible?
01:06:37.000 So what happens if it covers the house and that's it? 0.51
01:06:39.000 You die. 0.82
01:06:40.000 You die.
01:06:40.000 There's no air left.
01:06:41.000 You're trapped in like Tom and Jerry style.
01:06:43.000 Yeah, you can't shovel that away quick enough.
01:06:45.000 Yeah.
01:06:45.000 Yeah, what happens?
01:06:46.000 You die.
01:06:47.000 Yeah, you pretty much lived off of whatever was in your house, I guess.
01:06:50.000 Yeah, but even then, you don't have any air.
01:06:52.000 Where's your air coming from?
01:06:54.000 You're going to get air from the melting?
01:06:55.000 You probably have to make a pipe using sticks. 0.99
01:06:58.000 And then all that snow melts, it's going to be a fucking river that's going to wash your house away. 0.99
01:07:02.000 Yeah. 0.99
01:07:02.000 That's crazy. 0.99
01:07:03.000 Unless you start eating at it.
01:07:05.000 Maybe it was in a very rural area where nobody lives.
01:07:08.000 Maybe that's why their subjects are such giant snow dumps.
01:07:11.000 Yeah.
01:07:12.000 And they just had 20 feet last week.
01:07:15.000 What?
01:07:16.000 20 feet? 1.00
01:07:18.000 God damn. 1.00
01:07:20.000 Jesus fucking Christ. 1.00
01:07:23.000 Yeah, there's some spots in this world that are really hazardous. 1.00
01:07:26.000 You could deal with some shit. 0.99
01:07:28.000 That's the one thing you live in California for a little while. 1.00
01:07:30.000 People completely forget.
01:07:32.000 They completely forget that there's nature to consider.
01:07:35.000 Everybody's been freaking out these last couple days.
01:07:36.000 The reason why this podcast started late is because some truck flipped over on the highway because nobody knows how to drive when it gets wet.
01:07:44.000 In the rain.
01:07:44.000 Yeah, because it gets wet here and everybody just spazes out.
01:07:47.000 And on top of it, the road is greasy as fuck. 0.99
01:07:50.000 Because of the fact that it doesn't rain very often, when it does rain, it brings up all that oil from people's cars and tires and all that shit. 0.99
01:07:56.000 And all the shit that's on the car. 0.99
01:07:58.000 Everyone has dirty cars or has this film on the car that's, you know... 0.99
01:08:02.000 And that rinses off as well, yeah.
01:08:04.000 Wax and all kinds of other...
01:08:05.000 Chemtrails, Joe Rogan.
01:08:06.000 Chemtrails!
01:08:10.000 I saw a guy lose it last night.
01:08:11.000 I was right behind him.
01:08:12.000 I left at 3 o'clock and I got here at 4.15.
01:08:16.000 It's a 25 minute ride from my house. 0.98
01:08:19.000 I left at 3 a fucking o'clock. 0.98
01:08:21.000 I left at the clock as I was leaving. 0.99
01:08:22.000 And it was slow the whole way.
01:08:24.000 And then as I got closer, I seen the helicopters.
01:08:26.000 Helicopters don't show for a little accident.
01:08:28.000 They show for some heavy duty.
01:08:29.000 Yeah, LA's a weird place, man.
01:08:32.000 There's too many of us, man. 1.00
01:08:33.000 There's too many fucking people living in one place. 1.00
01:08:35.000 All we need is one thing to go wrong. 1.00
01:08:37.000 I tell you, man, when I was in Ohio, though, I don't give a shit. 0.99
01:08:40.000 Because right now, it's going to be 90 degrees Thursday. 0.99
01:08:43.000 And that's worth it to me.
01:08:45.000 Just one day or here?
01:08:47.000 No, here. 0.99
01:08:48.000 Oh, yeah, it's going to be 90 on fucking Thursday. 0.98
01:08:50.000 Yeah. 0.96
01:08:51.000 I like people on the East Coast right now that call me and go, it's 65 today and tomorrow. 1.00
01:08:55.000 Bitch, February is next month, motherfucker. 1.00
01:08:58.000 Call me February 15th with your fucking bikini on. 1.00
01:09:01.000 Yeah, exactly. 1.00
01:09:02.000 Call me February 15th, motherfucker. 1.00
01:09:04.000 Call me Valentine's Day. 1.00
01:09:06.000 It's definitely harder to live in a place like that.
01:09:08.000 It makes life harder.
01:09:09.000 It just makes life harder. 0.99
01:09:10.000 Fucking Ari's going to Minneapolis this week. 1.00
01:09:12.000 He's crazy. 1.00
01:09:13.000 He's going to that house of mall. 1.00
01:09:14.000 Yeah, he's gangster. 1.00
01:09:15.000 He's doing a fucking scavenger hunt in the mall with edibles. 1.00
01:09:19.000 I'm going to give him a piece of banana bread. 1.00
01:09:21.000 Careful about that shit. 1.00
01:09:22.000 I'm going to the Brea Tar Pits. 1.00
01:09:23.000 They don't play there.
01:09:24.000 It's not the same.
01:09:26.000 Oh, Minnesota. 0.99
01:09:26.000 They'll throw you in jail right next to Jesse fucking Ventura. 0.99
01:09:29.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:09:30.000 That's how you thought I had to stop eating edibles because of that fucking surgery. 0.99
01:09:33.000 Yeah? 1.00
01:09:34.000 You have to stop eating edibles?
01:09:35.000 I had to, because it just... 1.00
01:09:37.000 Dog, I fainted from reading the fucking paperwork. 0.99
01:09:41.000 I fainted from reading the... 1.00
01:09:42.000 Why?
01:09:43.000 We discussed this before.
01:09:45.000 The needles.
01:09:45.000 Oh, the blood.
01:09:46.000 When I got to the fucking stature, what is it, sutures? 0.99
01:09:49.000 What do you call it? 0.99
01:09:49.000 Sutures. 0.99
01:09:50.000 Sutures?
01:09:50.000 Yeah.
01:09:50.000 That he's going to put sutures in my knee?
01:09:52.000 I fainted.
01:09:53.000 Really? 0.98
01:09:53.000 Smoke was coming out from under my titties. 0.98
01:09:55.000 That's when you know you got fucking... 1.00
01:09:56.000 Wow. 1.00
01:09:56.000 So I said, you know what? 1.00
01:09:57.000 I think I had an edible that day.
01:09:59.000 Mm-hmm.
01:10:00.000 And then, too, last week, I smoked a little piece of hash.
01:10:02.000 Ha! 0.99
01:10:02.000 And I read fucking, I went online just to prepare for surgery. 0.99
01:10:07.000 I thought it would tell me what vitamins to take. 1.00
01:10:09.000 And I'm reading about this arthroscopic surgery and I went fucking down on my fucking office. 0.99
01:10:13.000 What exactly are they saying is wrong with your knee? 0.99
01:10:16.000 Meniscus tear, a little bit of arthritis, and a little cyst from the meniscus tearing.
01:10:22.000 Okay, so they're going to extract the cyst and then they're going to clean up the meniscus.
01:10:26.000 Yeah, that's not too bad.
01:10:27.000 No, no, no.
01:10:27.000 That's like six weeks and you're pretty close to 100%.
01:10:30.000 I waited six weeks last time I did that and then was training six weeks later.
01:10:36.000 So did you ride a bike or go swimming right afterwards just to get away?
01:10:39.000 Bike is really good. 0.98
01:10:41.000 Swimming is decent too, but...
01:10:43.000 What I like about a bike is that it's stationary, it's constant, you don't have to worry about side-to-side motion, and you can just do it at a light pace where you're stimulating the tendons and the ligaments and the muscle tissue, but you're not really taxing the knee.
01:10:56.000 So you don't do it hard.
01:10:58.000 It's basically...
01:10:59.000 45 minutes?
01:11:01.000 Don't even start with that, man.
01:11:02.000 No, I've been doing 45 to an hour lately.
01:11:04.000 Oh, now.
01:11:04.000 Oh, before.
01:11:05.000 I'm just doing it just to get everything in order.
01:11:07.000 Yeah, that's good.
01:11:09.000 Joe, you should get one of these.
01:11:10.000 What is it?
01:11:10.000 Fitbit.
01:11:11.000 You'll become addicted to it.
01:11:12.000 It tracks you.
01:11:13.000 We talked about this on a podcast the other day with Bert Kreischer.
01:11:15.000 Yeah, most people won't know, though, because we talked about it on the Death Squad one.
01:11:18.000 Oh, yeah.
01:11:19.000 So what it is, it's this thing that you clip on, and it automatically tracks how many steps you make, how many stairs you walk.
01:11:27.000 It tracks, you know, just like...
01:11:29.000 It's Bert Kreischer who told us about it, right?
01:11:31.000 Yeah.
01:11:31.000 He's the one who told us about it on the Ice House Chronicles.
01:11:33.000 And so what's really neat is that it has a thing in it that you can also wear when you sleep.
01:11:39.000 So it detects whenever you wake up.
01:11:42.000 And so then it adds up how long you're actually sleeping every night.
01:11:46.000 And you'll be surprised.
01:11:47.000 You think you're like, oh, I got like 10 hours sleep.
01:11:48.000 When in reality, you didn't.
01:11:50.000 Like half the time you were like awake or you would wake up.
01:11:53.000 And it's based on, you know, it detects like your heartbeat. 0.94
01:11:56.000 It detects, it has a gyroscope in it or whatever the fuck it's called. 0.99
01:12:00.000 So it tells you, it knows when you're walking and all this shit. 0.99
01:12:04.000 That's amazing. 0.99
01:12:04.000 Yeah. 0.99
01:12:04.000 And then it wirelessly broadcasts it to this website and it shows you in graphs like how much you did and stuff. 0.99
01:12:11.000 And you try to...
01:12:12.000 The more you use it, the more you're like a game.
01:12:14.000 You try to beat it.
01:12:15.000 It's like Twitter addictive.
01:12:16.000 It's really interesting.
01:12:18.000 I just became friends on Burt Kreischer's thing. 0.99
01:12:21.000 It's like having a new Facebook where it just tracks your shit every night. 1.00
01:12:26.000 That's incredible. 1.00
01:12:27.000 Yeah, I did a little review.
01:12:28.000 It's at deskquad.tv and there's links to buy it.
01:12:31.000 I'm going to tell you something, bro.
01:12:32.000 That new sleep apnea machine they gave me. 0.74
01:12:34.000 After the other one fucked up that time, they gave me a new one. 0.98
01:12:37.000 Where I thought the old one was good.
01:12:38.000 This new one, I could take the card out, put it into my computer, and I could tell you what nights I drank alcohol.
01:12:44.000 You know I don't drink alcohol?
01:12:45.000 Right.
01:12:45.000 I could tell you now what nights I drank alcohol.
01:12:47.000 Because you can see how...
01:12:48.000 You can see it in your sleep pattern.
01:12:49.000 That's amazing.
01:12:50.000 I go for more.
01:12:50.000 You gotta get one of these things, man.
01:12:52.000 I dry up more.
01:12:53.000 And then the other thing it tells you, I could even tell when I smoked a lot of weed that day.
01:12:57.000 What was the difference?
01:12:58.000 I snore.
01:13:00.000 Really?
01:13:00.000 If I smoked too much weed, my wife would tell you, you know you were snoring in the end, huh?
01:13:04.000 I went by Edwin San Juan and smoked 50 fucking joints. 1.00
01:13:07.000 And that makes you snore more? 1.00
01:13:08.000 Yeah, something.
01:13:09.000 It's probably because you relaxed.
01:13:11.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:13:12.000 Fuck it! 1.00
01:13:13.000 Yeah, that's what it is. 1.00
01:13:14.000 You're probably out there fucking cold. 0.98
01:13:15.000 Brian Redband, Death Squad, number six on the podcast. 1.00
01:13:20.000 Motherfucker. 1.00
01:13:20.000 On iTunes right now, number six, bitches. 1.00
01:13:22.000 That's pretty strong. 1.00
01:13:23.000 Don't fuck around, guys. 1.00
01:13:24.000 Oh, shit. 1.00
01:13:25.000 Well, did you just congratulate yourself? 1.00
01:13:26.000 That was the award.
01:13:27.000 That was the award.
01:13:28.000 That was the link.
01:13:29.000 Dude, that's strong.
01:13:30.000 That's from the Ice House Chronicles.
01:13:32.000 And Callan, also.
01:13:33.000 Yeah, Brian Callan Show now is...
01:13:35.000 I was just going to call it the Brian Callan Show.
01:13:37.000 The Brian Callan Show, which I like.
01:13:38.000 Which I like, too.
01:13:39.000 He doesn't need another name.
01:13:40.000 He was trying to figure out if he should have a theme, but I'm like, he's so interesting.
01:13:43.000 Why box yourself in?
01:13:44.000 That guy can just ramble on about anything.
01:13:47.000 He's one of my favorite dudes to talk to.
01:13:49.000 And that podcast we had with Dane Cook, that was amazing.
01:13:52.000 That was interesting.
01:13:53.000 And that dude, TJ Miller, apparently wants to talk to me about it.
01:13:57.000 I would talk to him about it.
01:13:58.000 I don't hate that dude.
01:13:59.000 I don't know him.
01:14:00.000 I don't think it's a good idea to go on long rants about people working out material that haven't been on stage for a year, though.
01:14:08.000 That's just how I feel.
01:14:13.000 Dish move.
01:14:14.000 Joey, what are you doing?
01:14:15.000 Just checking on something. 0.99
01:14:17.000 My bitches call. 1.00
01:14:19.000 Listen, I don't know what it was about. 1.00
01:14:20.000 I don't give a fuck. 0.99
01:14:22.000 Well, if you don't know what it's about, everybody should know. 0.99
01:14:26.000 Dane Cook bumped everybody at the Laugh Factory.
01:14:29.000 Which happens all the time.
01:14:31.000 Well, it does happen all the time.
01:14:32.000 But what I said to Dane really does stand true.
01:14:35.000 Really, he doesn't have to do that.
01:14:37.000 And it's a strong move to just come on after everybody.
01:14:40.000 It's a strong move to let everybody else go on stage.
01:14:43.000 And then you go on last, man.
01:14:45.000 You're the big star.
01:14:46.000 I agree with that.
01:14:46.000 And tell everybody.
01:14:47.000 Let them know, hey, Dane Cook is going to be on later.
01:14:50.000 Yay! 0.99
01:14:50.000 So then these guys do their time. 0.99
01:14:52.000 Don't wait.
01:14:52.000 Yeah, they'll wait.
01:14:53.000 It ain't that hard, man.
01:14:54.000 It ain't that hard to wait.
01:14:55.000 But it's a thing that we had to experience when we were coming up.
01:14:58.000 It was a constant thing. 0.96
01:15:00.000 It always has been that way, especially in LA when a big guy shows up, whether it's Jerry Seinfeld or whoever the fuck it is, they show up, they get on stage.
01:15:09.000 And part of the thrill is that the audience members know that if they come to the improv, it's very likely one night that maybe Daniel Tosh will walk on stage, even if he's not on the schedule.
01:15:21.000 That maybe someone they've seen on TV will walk on stage.
01:15:24.000 And that's a part of the thrill.
01:15:25.000 And in the stand-up comic, the famous ones, in exchange, they do these sets for free.
01:15:32.000 For their ability to just go on stage anytime they want.
01:15:35.000 And it does seem unfair to the people that are coming up.
01:15:38.000 I completely agree.
01:15:39.000 You know, it's unfair.
01:15:40.000 No doubt about it.
01:15:41.000 I don't do it.
01:15:42.000 But I understand...
01:15:45.000 I understand the idea behind it because every comic has had to deal with that.
01:15:50.000 The only time I've ever bumped anybody is when I show up at the club and then they ask me, would you like to go on stage? 0.78
01:15:55.000 I'm like, if it's not a big deal, I'll go on stage, but I don't want to fuck anybody's night up.
01:15:58.000 And then they go and check and make sure everything's okay. 0.81
01:16:01.000 But if there's any drama or bullshit at all, I would way rather just go on last.
01:16:05.000 Just put me on after everything's done.
01:16:07.000 What, you can't perform at the end?
01:16:10.000 Everybody is so terrified of someone strong going on before them, which is so silly because that's what you want.
01:16:16.000 You want everybody last. 0.95
01:16:17.000 The reason why I started bringing you on the road with me, the reason why I'm bringing Ari on the road with me, is because they're fucking hilarious.
01:16:23.000 I went to the improv twice in the last ten days, and both times people came up to me that they had to leave and go do a set.
01:16:30.000 Yeah, they don't want to go on after you.
01:16:31.000 No. 1.00
01:16:33.000 I don't give a fuck. 1.00
01:16:34.000 Because I'm going to get off stage, and you're still going to be in the bar drinking, and I'm going to take that bottle, I'm going to break it over your fucking head. 1.00
01:16:40.000 So, before you come lie to me that you have a showcase at the store, or you got to go, just be a man. 0.99
01:16:45.000 There was a lot of that at the store.
01:16:47.000 Just don't show then. 0.99
01:16:48.000 But don't come up to me and say, you got to go up, because your agent's here and your agent's at home eating fucking cheese doodles. 1.00
01:16:54.000 Don't say that shit to me. 1.00
01:16:54.000 There was a lot of that at the store. 1.00
01:16:56.000 A guy would claim that he had a showcase.
01:16:58.000 There was guys who used to get sets.
01:16:59.000 They couldn't get sets, but they could get sets when they had showcases.
01:17:02.000 So they would lie and say they were having a showcase.
01:17:04.000 And then nobody would show up, so now you have to verify it.
01:17:07.000 The guy's got to call and say, I'm coming.
01:17:08.000 And that was Mike Young's move.
01:17:10.000 Yeah, that was Mike Young.
01:17:11.000 Love that move.
01:17:11.000 When Mitzi iced him out, that's what he did.
01:17:13.000 He started having regular showcases. 0.99
01:17:15.000 And they give you a 915 spot, so it's even better than a fucking spot. 0.99
01:17:18.000 Boom, what's up? 0.98
01:17:19.000 Seven minutes, come in, say hello, get a drink. 1.00
01:17:21.000 Talk to some bitches. 1.00
01:17:23.000 That's where you see the fake it till you make it mentality. 1.00
01:17:26.000 When you're in the dirty stages of stand-up development.
01:17:30.000 When everybody's scrounging for morsels.
01:17:33.000 They're all trying to get on stage as much. 0.99
01:17:35.000 I don't know how the fuck anybody starts in LA. That's brutal. 0.99
01:17:39.000 Brutal.
01:17:40.000 I mean, Ari did it. 1.00
01:17:41.000 Ari basically did his whole career here. 1.00
01:17:43.000 But, you know, he got in.
01:17:46.000 He got love in.
01:17:47.000 Yeah, and he got in early at the store, too.
01:17:49.000 He got stage time.
01:17:50.000 He got plenty of stage time.
01:17:52.000 That's huge, man.
01:17:53.000 Because he got in just a couple years into his career.
01:17:57.000 We started hanging out with us.
01:17:58.000 We started taking him on the road.
01:18:00.000 He was just a few years into his career.
01:18:04.000 It's amazing how last year I put it together.
01:18:07.000 I didn't know until about 18 to two years ago how much I miss the store. 0.99
01:18:11.000 Not the fucking dickheads, but how much I miss that type of performing every night. 0.98
01:18:16.000 And that's why I made it a note now that I always try to go to crazy places at least every 10 days. 0.99
01:18:22.000 Twice, once a week, I gotta go someplace where it's unpredictable.
01:18:25.000 I don't want to be in a comedy store setting.
01:18:27.000 Right.
01:18:27.000 Because I want that comedy store.
01:18:29.000 What made me a comic was going up at 11.45, after you, after fucking Tyree, after Mooney. 0.95
01:18:35.000 By the matter of fact, I do miss Paul Mooney. 0.98
01:18:38.000 I miss Mooney.
01:18:38.000 You want me to tell you?
01:18:41.000 I miss the expression that everybody gets their nigger wake-up call. 1.00
01:18:44.000 I really do because it hits home with me so much. 0.92
01:18:49.000 Oh, homie, you know. 1.00
01:18:49.000 I remember when we went to Miami, they kept saying, Cuba, come here. 1.00
01:18:52.000 Those Cubans this week got that nigger wake-up call with the little kid that they came in. 1.00
01:18:55.000 Remember that? 0.98
01:18:56.000 When they had that kid that pulled him out of the closet with a machine gun?
01:18:58.000 Ariel, Nariel, whatever.
01:19:00.000 Fidel came right in.
01:19:01.000 That governor said, go take him.
01:19:03.000 Jesus Christ.
01:19:03.000 Remember, she said, go down there and take them.
01:19:05.000 They went right into the neighborhood with fucking jeeps. 1.00
01:19:07.000 What the fuck was that all about? 1.00
01:19:08.000 What was that all about? 0.99
01:19:09.000 Elion Gonzalez.
01:19:12.000 What was that all about?
01:19:13.000 And now he's like a patriarch in Cuba. 1.00
01:19:15.000 He's getting his dick sucked like fucking that joker. 1.00
01:19:18.000 Who's the retarded kid that had this TV show, Corky? 1.00
01:19:21.000 Corky. 0.97
01:19:21.000 He's like that with a bib on in Cuba and a 1950 Cadillac with tar on it. 0.97
01:19:26.000 Is he the raft kid?
01:19:27.000 Yeah, that's the raft.
01:19:28.000 He's good looking now.
01:19:29.000 Is that how he got here on a raft?
01:19:31.000 Yeah, he got here on a raft.
01:19:32.000 Yeah, man.
01:19:32.000 His mother died.
01:19:33.000 Boyfriends. 1.00
01:19:35.000 And he was fucking floating out there on a twig and some fishermen picked him up. 0.99
01:19:40.000 Can you fucking imagine that? 0.99
01:19:41.000 What is going to happen when Fidel dies? 0.99
01:19:43.000 Because there was a fake Fidel died thing on Twitter the other day.
01:19:47.000 People were wondering.
01:19:48.000 What about the time I told Eddie Fidel died, and he was with Dana White, and he thought it was a bad conversation, so he thought Liddell died.
01:19:56.000 Did you ever hear about that?
01:19:58.000 So I'm at a Cuban place, and he calls me, and he goes, what's up?
01:20:00.000 I go, nothing.
01:20:01.000 I'm over here eating Cuban food.
01:20:02.000 And you know, Eddie likes all that revolutionary Fidel, and I go, did you hear?
01:20:06.000 There's a rumor going around, brother, Fidel died.
01:20:08.000 I said, Fidel died.
01:20:10.000 So he's like, what?
01:20:10.000 Let me go online.
01:20:12.000 So he goes online.
01:20:13.000 He goes, hold on.
01:20:13.000 Dana White's right here.
01:20:14.000 Let me ask him.
01:20:15.000 Let me call you back.
01:20:16.000 Oh, no.
01:20:17.000 He calls back.
01:20:18.000 He's got, Dana's online looking for Chuck Liddell dying.
01:20:21.000 Oh, my God.
01:20:22.000 I go, not Liddell. 1.00
01:20:23.000 Fidel, you fuck. 1.00
01:20:24.000 Not Liddell. 1.00
01:20:25.000 Oh, my God.
01:20:28.000 Wouldn't you want to verify that?
01:20:29.000 Hold on.
01:20:30.000 Did you just say Liddell?
01:20:33.000 Chuck Liddell?
01:20:35.000 Would you want to verify that? 0.98
01:20:36.000 Can you fucking believe why I called Fidel and he thought I said Liddell? 0.99
01:20:40.000 Was he on the rampage? 0.99
01:20:42.000 Was he Tomahawken?
01:20:44.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:20:45.000 No, no, no.
01:20:46.000 He wasn't Tomahawken.
01:20:47.000 No, no.
01:20:47.000 He was straight.
01:20:48.000 It was like 8 o'clock.
01:20:48.000 Once that Indian comes out, right?
01:20:50.000 I remember when you first started saying that about him.
01:20:52.000 Oh my god.
01:20:53.000 Because people don't know what that is. 0.99
01:20:55.000 It's something that's in your genes or in your DNA that when you drink, you go the other fucking direction. 0.99
01:21:00.000 When I drink, I whisper. 1.00
01:21:02.000 I don't say shit. 1.00
01:21:02.000 I gotta go home. 1.00
01:21:04.000 Some people drink, they fucking go fucking fine. 0.99
01:21:07.000 I mean, bro, you grew up in Boston. 1.00
01:21:09.000 You've really seen motherfuckers that would have two beers and take their shirt off in 10 degree weather and want to fight a black bar. 1.00
01:21:15.000 Like, we're going down there, dog. 1.00
01:21:17.000 And you're like, you're not fucking... 0.99
01:21:18.000 Are you fucking kidding me, guy? 0.99
01:21:20.000 Yeah. 0.99
01:21:20.000 You cannot do that. 0.99
01:21:21.000 But there's people that drink and don't say nothing.
01:21:23.000 There's people that drink and giggle.
01:21:25.000 There's just some people.
01:21:27.000 Some people are not supposed to be drinking.
01:21:28.000 And I hope they recognize it.
01:21:29.000 The most important thing is that they recognize it because they think it's fun until they see it.
01:21:34.000 It's fun to them.
01:21:35.000 They just disappear. 1.00
01:21:37.000 How fun would it be if you stopped being Joe Rogan and went into this phase for eight hours and then woke up with fucking scars on your neck? 1.00
01:21:44.000 And the fucking pubic hair around your face and the handcuff on. 1.00
01:21:48.000 It is amazing to me, though, that people have such different reactions to certain drugs. 0.99
01:21:53.000 And that alcohol is really one of them.
01:21:56.000 Until I met Eddie, I didn't believe in blackouts.
01:21:59.000 I didn't believe in them.
01:22:00.000 People would tell me they blacked out.
01:22:02.000 How convenient. 1.00
01:22:03.000 Well, chicks always tell you that after they suck your dick and lick your asshole the next morning. 1.00
01:22:07.000 I blacked out. 1.00
01:22:08.000 What happened?
01:22:08.000 You know what happened.
01:22:09.000 You licked my fucking ass like a savage. 1.00
01:22:11.000 Hold on, what happened? 1.00
01:22:13.000 I don't remember anything.
01:22:14.000 Oh my god, we did that? 0.86
01:22:15.000 Rape! 1.00
01:22:16.000 I came on your fucking neck, remember? 1.00
01:22:17.000 Speaking of rape, man, I saw that movie The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. 1.00
01:22:21.000 Oh, you did? 1.00
01:22:22.000 Holy shit, that's a badass bitch. 1.00
01:22:24.000 Woo! 1.00
01:22:25.000 That girl who plays it, I've never seen her before, I don't know who she is, but that girl can fucking act. 1.00
01:22:30.000 That's a crazy movie, man. 0.99
01:22:32.000 Woo! 0.99
01:22:32.000 There's some scenes in that movie. 0.99
01:22:34.000 It felt like a movie where they were trying to...
01:22:36.000 It was, in fact, a book that they were trying to condense down into movie form.
01:22:41.000 It was really hard because it's obviously very, very complicated and involved.
01:22:45.000 But it doesn't fail as a movie. 0.97
01:22:47.000 It's fucking good. 0.97
01:22:48.000 There's some badass scenes. 0.99
01:22:49.000 But that chick is wild, man.
01:22:51.000 Anybody see a Gina Carano movie?
01:22:52.000 No reviews?
01:22:53.000 I heard the reviews are spectacular.
01:22:56.000 They said that Rotten Tomatoes gave it a 100%.
01:22:59.000 Which is like, nobody ever sees that. 0.92
01:23:01.000 I mean, it's temporary because the cunts will come out and find out about it. 0.95
01:23:04.000 Oh, yeah? 0.97
01:23:05.000 100%?
01:23:05.000 We're going to get home with it.
01:23:07.000 And put my two cents online. 1.00
01:23:08.000 And some asshole comes on and has that shit all over it just because he knows that Gina Carano would never fuck him. 1.00
01:23:13.000 Somebody I know is very picky and went to the movies and said that the trailer for Gina Carano, they asked me. 1.00
01:23:18.000 It looks wild. 0.98
01:23:19.000 They go, it's fucking great. 0.99
01:23:20.000 It looks great. 0.99
01:23:21.000 When does it come out?
01:23:22.000 This weekend.
01:23:22.000 I know it did good.
01:23:24.000 I wonder how haywire it did.
01:23:25.000 The one I seen last night.
01:23:27.000 I heard it's badass.
01:23:28.000 It's badass, yeah.
01:23:28.000 I heard the guy's like a real artist who created it.
01:23:32.000 He really knows what the fuck he's doing and he really created this around her. 1.00
01:23:36.000 The world needs more ass-kicking chicks. 1.00
01:23:40.000 It's fun. 1.00
01:23:41.000 The one chick they're trying to make, and she's a bad motherfucker, the Australian chick with Kate Beckinsale. 1.00
01:23:47.000 That's a badass bitch, dog. 1.00
01:23:49.000 That bitch is bad. 1.00
01:23:50.000 I've seen her up close and personal. 1.00
01:23:51.000 Well, Carano's so legit, though.
01:23:53.000 Carano's legit, that's right.
01:23:54.000 And you know what?
01:23:55.000 She's like, really, like, now that Cyborg tested positive, it shows, you know, it shines a light on all of Cyborg's past victories.
01:24:04.000 You gotta look at it and go, man, it's unfortunately cast doubt.
01:24:08.000 It cast doubt on her old career.
01:24:10.000 Especially since they released a video that showed her first fight ever. 0.99
01:24:13.000 And her first fight ever, she was not built like that at all. 0.70
01:24:16.000 Not even remotely.
01:24:17.000 She changed, and she changed pretty radically.
01:24:19.000 And it doesn't seem to be endogenous chemicals.
01:24:21.000 If you have an initial video of her from a long time ago that shows a different body, a different body type, then that's not, you know, you're not a man.
01:24:28.000 How are you doing that, man?
01:24:30.000 So you've got to look at that, man, and say, this Gina Carano, man, if she didn't, you know, that would have been, imagine Gina Carano versus Ronda Rousey.
01:24:38.000 Two of the hottest chicks to ever fight ever going at it. 1.00
01:24:41.000 Do you know how nuts that fucking fight would be? 1.00
01:24:44.000 Two stone cold tens. 1.00
01:24:46.000 That's the next one.
01:24:47.000 Two tens that are killers and they're throwing down.
01:24:50.000 Gina Carano versus Ronda Rousey would get like, that's like a fight that actually could make it into the UFC. Like that's a fight where Dana White would be like, you know what?
01:24:58.000 Alright.
01:24:59.000 This fight, I would have this fight in the UFC as like a special attraction.
01:25:03.000 I mean, I'm just guessing he would do that.
01:25:04.000 He would probably have like a big event for Strikeforce. 0.98
01:25:07.000 But I mean, could you imagine the kind of press you can get when you get two chicks who are super hot who actually can fucking fight? 1.00
01:25:15.000 Both of them can actually fight. 0.86
01:25:17.000 She'll get the winner of those two. 1.00
01:25:19.000 Because they stopped it.
01:25:20.000 You know, it made sense to me today.
01:25:21.000 The movie did really well. 1.00
01:25:23.000 If she would have fought in June or July, and she wouldn't have done well in the movie, they said, fuck it. 1.00
01:25:29.000 Stay away from everything. 0.99
01:25:30.000 Just let the movie come out popping. 1.00
01:25:31.000 All of a sudden, the fucking Brazilian comes up positive, and she's back in the fucking game. 1.00
01:25:36.000 The movie did great. 1.00
01:25:37.000 She's back in the fucking game now. 0.99
01:25:38.000 So she's going to probably get the winner of Tate against Ronda Roush. 1.00
01:25:41.000 I don't know if she's going to run a fight, man. 0.73
01:25:43.000 No, let's see what happens.
01:25:44.000 Let's see what happens after this.
01:25:46.000 Why would she want to fight if this movie smashed success and then she just goes off? 1.00
01:25:50.000 You know, man, brain damage is for keeps.
01:25:52.000 If you don't want to fight, you shouldn't be fighting.
01:25:54.000 Fighting is something you should only do when you absolutely want to do just that.
01:25:58.000 If she really has this call in the back of her head, she wants to get back in there and test herself, she's a badass chick if she wants to do that. 0.99
01:26:05.000 I love her to death.
01:26:06.000 No reason to do it if she doesn't.
01:26:08.000 She's got an amazing opportunity.
01:26:09.000 She has an opportunity that very few humans ever get to be a legit female movie action star. 1.00
01:26:16.000 I mean, she's going to say the right things.
01:26:19.000 She's smart.
01:26:20.000 She's not a mean person.
01:26:21.000 She's a humble person.
01:26:22.000 She's like a happy, friendly person that people root for.
01:26:26.000 Even chicks like her. 1.00
01:26:27.000 You know what they like about her?
01:26:29.000 She's not real skinny.
01:26:30.000 She's not all skinny and bones.
01:26:32.000 She's got meat on her. 1.00
01:26:34.000 She's a meaty chick. 1.00
01:26:34.000 Oh, she's a cheeseburger. 1.00
01:26:35.000 She's a piece of lasagna away.
01:26:37.000 It's hot.
01:26:37.000 I like that, man.
01:26:38.000 Yeah, she's cute. 1.00
01:26:39.000 You can ride that ass. 1.00
01:26:40.000 She's nice. 1.00
01:26:41.000 Yeah, I like that.
01:26:41.000 I don't like skinny on a girl.
01:26:45.000 I like a girl who's not afraid to eat.
01:26:48.000 To me, don't get sloppy.
01:26:50.000 Let's not get crazy.
01:26:51.000 But you can get a little fat.
01:26:53.000 A little fat's actually kind of sexy.
01:26:54.000 There's something dirty about it, right?
01:26:56.000 Keeps the monkey fresh.
01:26:58.000 Does it?
01:26:58.000 It lubes the joints.
01:27:00.000 It lubes the joints. 1.00
01:27:01.000 Give it some fucking inositol and cloline and shit. 1.00
01:27:04.000 Everything's good. 1.00
01:27:05.000 You know what I'm saying?
01:27:05.000 Yeah, the world needs more badass superhero chicks.
01:27:08.000 This dragon tattoo chick and this Gina Carano chick. 1.00
01:27:12.000 I've seen that other fucking crazy ass movie, Black Swan, with Minoculus, whatever her fucking name is. 1.00
01:27:18.000 That bitch ate the fuck out of the professional's little girlfriend because she's the one in it. 1.00
01:27:22.000 She's the Black Swan. 1.00
01:27:24.000 I watched it a couple weeks ago and I was a little too high to watch the beginning.
01:27:27.000 It scared me out. 0.94
01:27:28.000 But the ending, this movie is very fucking, I seen the last hour last night, and it really held me. 0.99
01:27:34.000 There was shit on television I wanted to watch, and I'm like, wait a second, the one girl's all grown up. 0.99
01:27:39.000 I can't believe that was her and the professional. 1.00
01:27:41.000 That movie's a fucking great movie. 0.99
01:27:43.000 That's a great movie. 1.00
01:27:44.000 It was on the other night, I watched Gary Oldham, he would pop the pills and throw his neck back, and heroin, and they'd shoot motherfuckers, and Gary Oldman was great in that movie. 0.98
01:27:54.000 He was great. 0.98
01:27:55.000 Danny Aiello's even in that movie.
01:27:56.000 Oh, yeah.
01:27:57.000 He's the hitman. 1.00
01:27:58.000 He's the guy that gives the Italian guy the assignments and shit. 1.00
01:28:02.000 Yes. 1.00
01:28:03.000 Fucking Danny Aiello. 1.00
01:28:05.000 I think he even stopped doing comedy now. 1.00
01:28:07.000 Danny Aiello.
01:28:08.000 Yeah, he had a comedy club in Hoboken on Tuesday night.
01:28:10.000 Really?
01:28:11.000 And he would put Mike Marino up and a bunch of comics. 0.98
01:28:14.000 Get the fuck out of here. 0.96
01:28:15.000 Italian songs. 0.99
01:28:16.000 Yeah.
01:28:16.000 Are you serious?
01:28:16.000 I swear to God.
01:28:17.000 What was that show that he had on CBS for a while?
01:28:21.000 Terranova.
01:28:21.000 Something.
01:28:22.000 Look it up.
01:28:23.000 The last disaster of CBS. Melangana.
01:28:27.000 Something like that.
01:28:27.000 That he was a PA. Public investigator.
01:28:31.000 Whatever the fuck. 0.99
01:28:31.000 Did you see Bert Kreischer on 10 TV? How do you spell his name? 0.99
01:28:35.000 How do you spell his name?
01:28:36.000 Danny Aiello.
01:28:38.000 A-I-E-L-L-O. Burt Kreischer was on CBS News in Columbus, Ohio, and he got to do the weather, and it was so fucking hilarious. 0.96
01:28:47.000 Well, what did he do? 0.79
01:28:48.000 He was just acting out like if it was cold, he'd be like, brrrr!
01:28:51.000 He was just Burt Kreischer on the weather, if you can imagine. 0.99
01:28:56.000 What the fuck is that TV show? 0.99
01:28:59.000 I want to say Deleventura. 1.00
01:29:00.000 Yeah, Deleventura.
01:29:02.000 Deleventura.
01:29:02.000 Was it Deleventura?
01:29:03.000 Yes, yes.
01:29:03.000 Is that it?
01:29:04.000 Look at the IMDB. I'm looking at it.
01:29:06.000 1998. That was the last temptation of Christ.
01:29:09.000 What year was this?
01:29:10.000 98. Which one?
01:29:12.000 Yeah, Deleventura.
01:29:13.000 Deleventura when we first started hanging out in Miami when they put his picture up at the improv and I robbed it. 0.97
01:29:18.000 I clipped it under my shirt and shit. 0.74
01:29:20.000 Yeah, I kept it. 0.99
01:29:22.000 He was my favorite goof for a while.
01:29:25.000 I still have those on VHS. Sussman, when they had the King and Queens over at CBS, I got them to get me the tapes from the Deleventura show because it was so delicious.
01:29:34.000 And I would have people come over and watch it with me.
01:29:36.000 We would get high and watch it like it was a comedy. 1.00
01:29:38.000 So fuck it. 1.00
01:29:39.000 It was a great show. 1.00
01:29:40.000 He would always win, no matter what happened.
01:29:43.000 This is what I remember.
01:29:44.000 He had a meeting with this guy about some information that could lead to the conclusion of my case.
01:29:49.000 So he's in that playing pool and he can't miss. 0.99
01:29:51.000 Just fucking rocketing balls in. 0.99
01:29:53.000 And the guy goes, worst acting of all time. 0.99
01:29:56.000 The guy he's playing goes, hey man, you're the best I've ever seen.
01:30:00.000 What's your secret?
01:30:01.000 He goes, my secret?
01:30:02.000 Don't miss.
01:30:06.000 And there was, like, fights.
01:30:08.000 He would get in fights. 0.81
01:30:09.000 And he's a rusty old man. 0.75
01:30:10.000 I mean, he's old. 0.91
01:30:11.000 He's old.
01:30:11.000 He's old.
01:30:12.000 I mean, we're not talking about a Sylvester Stallone old where he's, you know, shooting fucking synthetic hormones into his body every day and he's 64 years old. 0.99
01:30:22.000 Shredded! 0.98
01:30:23.000 That's not what I'm talking about.
01:30:24.000 I'm talking like he looks like an old man. 0.98
01:30:26.000 But meanwhile, he's knocking dudes out with one punch.
01:30:28.000 Pop! 0.87
01:30:28.000 Like guys giving him trouble. 0.87
01:30:30.000 Hey, get out of here! 1.00
01:30:31.000 Pop! 0.87
01:30:31.000 Pop! 0.87
01:30:31.000 Everywhere he goes, no one's hitting him. 0.87
01:30:34.000 He's never got a struggle.
01:30:35.000 Oh, he ducks?
01:30:35.000 Yeah, he's dominating everything.
01:30:37.000 He's just the coolest cop of all time. 0.93
01:30:41.000 And it's so ridiculous that it becomes funny. 0.76
01:30:44.000 It becomes really subtle. 0.81
01:30:46.000 Nice.
01:30:47.000 Speaking of Stallone and crazy Italians, I guess Frank Stallone's been coming back to the boxing gym, Justin's, and they can't take him no more. 1.00
01:30:54.000 So the quickest way to get rid of Frank Stallone is to put rap on him. 0.79
01:30:57.000 Oh, really?
01:30:57.000 He hates rap music.
01:30:59.000 So they put rap on, like, you know, NWA, and they have bets on how long Stallone will last.
01:31:04.000 Really? 0.96
01:31:05.000 So he's in their shadow box, and he'll look at the speakers, he'll fuck it, and then he'll come up to them and say, listen, why don't we listen to some good music? 0.99
01:31:11.000 Put on one of my albums. 0.99
01:31:13.000 And they all look at him like, are you fucking serious? 0.92
01:31:17.000 He'll give you his album. 0.99
01:31:18.000 You know that.
01:31:18.000 Frank Sloan gives out albums.
01:31:19.000 He plays right here at fucking Malibu. 0.98
01:31:22.000 At the Malibu win once a month. 0.99
01:31:23.000 He's got the black shirt.
01:31:24.000 You gotta go as a goof one time. 0.94
01:31:26.000 All the Italians show up. 0.97
01:31:27.000 They kiss him.
01:31:28.000 What do you think his relationship is like with his brother?
01:31:31.000 What do you think it would be?
01:31:32.000 It must be crazy. 1.00
01:31:32.000 Get the fuck out of here. 1.00
01:31:33.000 Lock the door behind you, you dumb fuck. 1.00
01:31:35.000 I'm gonna invest in a cheeseburger chain and you're gonna be the head singer. 1.00
01:31:38.000 Okay?
01:31:40.000 That guy's got to come in every day with a different pitch.
01:31:43.000 Sly, I don't mean to bother you, but listen, we got an idea for a new movie.
01:31:46.000 I think they even made a movie together, the one with Dice that Dice sued everybody.
01:31:50.000 Remember they all, the Stallone, remember that?
01:31:53.000 No!
01:31:54.000 A movie about golf.
01:31:56.000 Yeah!
01:31:56.000 A movie about golf.
01:31:57.000 Remember when we were at the store, they were telling us a story that night?
01:32:00.000 And Dice was in it?
01:32:01.000 And Dice never got released? 0.99
01:32:02.000 It never got released because it is fucking horrible. 1.00
01:32:05.000 It is Frank Stallone directing and shit. 1.00
01:32:07.000 And Stallone's got all his friends and it's still bad. 1.00
01:32:10.000 They got pictures of birds and fucking people drinking water. 1.00
01:32:14.000 Meanwhile, Stallone's hitting a fucking golf ball and shit. 1.00
01:32:17.000 Oh my god, that is hilarious. 1.00
01:32:19.000 Frank fucking Stallone. 0.99
01:32:20.000 Oh my god, that is hilarious. 0.99
01:32:24.000 That's gotta be a weird thing to have a brother that's like super-duper famous, and you're just hanging on, trying to make some shit happen. 0.99
01:32:32.000 That's gotta be frustrating as fuck. 0.99
01:32:34.000 Probably makes you want to be famous also. 0.98
01:32:36.000 Like, look at Charlie Murphy, you know, and he's probably, that's why...
01:32:40.000 Well, it is, totally, with Charlie.
01:32:42.000 But look, Charlie's actually, you know, he's made it.
01:32:43.000 He's making money.
01:32:44.000 He's doing well.
01:32:45.000 He's in movies.
01:32:45.000 He's doing great with stand-up.
01:32:47.000 And then there's, like, you know, the Baldwin brothers where everybody makes it, you know?
01:32:51.000 Sort of.
01:32:51.000 Sort of.
01:32:52.000 Kind of.
01:32:53.000 Then they've made it for a little while.
01:32:54.000 All of them were in the light for a while.
01:32:58.000 Yeah.
01:32:58.000 But now it's only Alec.
01:33:00.000 He's the only one who's...
01:33:00.000 He's the most talented, though, right?
01:33:02.000 Yeah.
01:33:03.000 Oh, definitely.
01:33:03.000 Yeah, that's what it is.
01:33:04.000 Like, talent just rises to the top.
01:33:06.000 I also liked...
01:33:06.000 There was another one I liked also, but...
01:33:08.000 Billy Baldwin?
01:33:09.000 Billy, yeah.
01:33:09.000 Or William.
01:33:10.000 No, William.
01:33:11.000 I think William.
01:33:11.000 There's a difference.
01:33:12.000 Billy's the handsome one.
01:33:13.000 William's the one with the big face, I think.
01:33:15.000 See, I don't remember.
01:33:16.000 Well, he's handsome, too.
01:33:17.000 He's just handsome like...
01:33:18.000 Yeah.
01:33:18.000 Like he drank a lot of sodium-filled products.
01:33:20.000 Yeah.
01:33:21.000 Sodium.
01:33:21.000 Yeah.
01:33:25.000 Yeah, there's a bunch of families where there's a bunch of different brothers that get in and everybody does so-so, but one guy is like the best.
01:33:31.000 But the bald ones...
01:33:33.000 Michael Jackson.
01:33:33.000 Yeah.
01:33:34.000 Well, that's the most ridiculous one ever, right? 0.99
01:33:37.000 Right. 1.00
01:33:38.000 Can you imagine growing up with someone who's your brother and you're both doing the same thing and you just can't fucking hit? 0.95
01:33:44.000 And this guy's just... 1.00
01:33:45.000 That's got to be nuts, man. 1.00
01:33:48.000 Sibling rivalry is a motherfucker. 1.00
01:33:50.000 Look at Madonna's brother. 1.00
01:33:52.000 She threw that motherfucker out. 1.00
01:33:53.000 What happened? 1.00
01:33:54.000 That guy was just creepy. 0.99
01:33:56.000 He was opening up shit with her name. 1.00
01:33:58.000 I mean, it just gets old. 1.00
01:34:00.000 Madonna's brother?
01:34:01.000 He's got a brother that wrote the book, the tell-all book.
01:34:03.000 Now he just had something on AOL or Google the other day that he's homeless in Michigan.
01:34:08.000 His sister won't help him. 1.00
01:34:10.000 Because you get fucking creepy on these people, dog. 1.00
01:34:12.000 You can't get creepy. 1.00
01:34:13.000 These are your family.
01:34:14.000 You can't write tell-all books and... 0.98
01:34:16.000 The same thing that makes a Madonna could also make a loser. 1.00
01:34:19.000 Right, yeah.
01:34:20.000 You don't get a Madonna with conventional child rearing and paying the right amount of attention to your kids.
01:34:27.000 No. 1.00
01:34:28.000 You get a Madonna if you fucked up. 1.00
01:34:30.000 You get a Madonna if you ignored that kid. 1.00
01:34:32.000 You get a Madonna if somebody did something to her at an early age that made her determined.
01:34:36.000 Or you get a Gaga.
01:34:38.000 One of the two.
01:34:38.000 You get a Gaga.
01:34:39.000 Same thing.
01:34:40.000 Those chicks aren't... 1.00
01:34:41.000 It's not easy to develop one of those.
01:34:43.000 You gotta give them some pain.
01:34:44.000 You gotta do some things. 1.00
01:34:45.000 Would you rather fuck Madonna or Gaga? 1.00
01:34:47.000 Right now, Gaga, for sure. 1.00
01:34:49.000 Really?
01:34:49.000 Yeah, she's hot.
01:34:50.000 Her body's hot as fuck, dude. 1.00
01:34:52.000 Madonna's got that fucking Buddhist pussy and shit. 1.00
01:34:55.000 Saying you fuck Madonna's pretty badass. 1.00
01:34:56.000 Not really. 1.00
01:34:57.000 Madonna got old.
01:34:58.000 I seen Madonna last week.
01:34:59.000 She got old.
01:35:00.000 She's trying to force those biceps and tell people she's a Jew. 1.00
01:35:03.000 Although I did have a dream that I ran into Madonna and all of a sudden she was young again.
01:35:08.000 It's amazing you just brought this up because I had this dream last night and I'm just remembering it now. 0.91
01:35:11.000 It was one of those really fucking nutty alpha brain dreams, which no one will deny. 0.97
01:35:16.000 You could say you don't think that alpha brain works. 0.99
01:35:19.000 It doesn't seem to affect you and enhance your cognitive function.
01:35:22.000 That's all well and good.
01:35:24.000 I don't know how your brain works.
01:35:25.000 But you can't tell me that it's not super reliable for making crazy dreams. 0.99
01:35:32.000 Because if I could take a pill that I knew for sure, if I took this shit before bedtime, apparently it's not working for everybody though. 0.77
01:35:39.000 A lot of people say they're not getting the lucid dreams. 0.97
01:35:42.000 I had it at the beginning, but then I stopped having them.
01:35:47.000 Really?
01:35:47.000 Yeah.
01:35:48.000 Well, I get them intermittently, and I never know when they're coming, but I got one last night, and it was super vivid.
01:35:53.000 And last night, it was me hanging out with Madonna, and I was being real creepy with her.
01:35:58.000 I was like, it was weird because she was like, like, actually, it was like some sort of a weird thing.
01:36:03.000 Like, I was much younger than I am now.
01:36:06.000 I remember because I remember I had no family and no responsibility in my dream.
01:36:10.000 Was it a truck or stop?
01:36:11.000 Don't ask me how I know about this.
01:36:12.000 What kind of bar? 0.98
01:36:13.000 Like a shitty bar? 0.98
01:36:13.000 Nope. 0.98
01:36:14.000 It was in some weird fucking booth of a club and I'm really close to her skin and I'm admiring her skin. 0.99
01:36:20.000 And I'm telling her, wow, you look amazing. 0.99
01:36:22.000 I'm really blown away.
01:36:25.000 Because I guess I couldn't figure out in this dream whether I had traveled through time or whether I lived in a different place.
01:36:34.000 Was I actually 17 years old and was she actually 24?
01:36:38.000 Was I in 1984 or 1985 again? 0.99
01:36:41.000 Or, was this supposed to be, she rejuvenated, and she's now 20 years old again, and now she looks hot as fuck? 1.00
01:36:49.000 Because she looked even younger than she looked when she became famous. 0.93
01:36:51.000 It was a really weird dream, because I couldn't figure out what was happening in it.
01:36:54.000 I couldn't figure out if, you know...
01:36:56.000 I was like, why do I feel like I'm a young man?
01:37:00.000 But I also have all this information in my head.
01:37:02.000 It's very strange.
01:37:04.000 Why Madonna, too?
01:37:05.000 I used to have a thing for Madonna, man, when I was young.
01:37:07.000 I thought Madonna was hot. 1.00
01:37:10.000 I thought she was hot as fuck because she was dirty. 1.00
01:37:12.000 She was dirty, man. 1.00
01:37:13.000 Dirty Italian. 1.00
01:37:14.000 Look, when you're a young little 17-year-old savage with your hormones on full blast like I was, I was so excited that a girl was dirty. 1.00
01:37:24.000 She's dirty, that bitch. 1.00
01:37:25.000 She's like the original Snooki. 1.00
01:37:28.000 How dare you. 1.00
01:37:30.000 You're a fucking... 1.00
01:37:31.000 I used to go to this club called... 1.00
01:37:32.000 You're making yourself laugh.
01:37:33.000 When I was in high school, I was a senior in high school.
01:37:35.000 I used to go to this club called...
01:37:36.000 I can't remember now.
01:37:38.000 And when I was in there, every Saturday, a girl would come in. 0.96
01:37:43.000 I don't know who the fuck the girl was, and they let her sing, but I never really paid attention because he was lip-syncing. 0.98
01:37:49.000 They just play a song and she... 0.99
01:37:50.000 Right.
01:37:51.000 That's terrible.
01:37:52.000 That was Madonna.
01:37:53.000 Really?
01:37:53.000 She was lip-syncing back then?
01:37:55.000 Back then.
01:37:55.000 Well, it was a club.
01:37:57.000 It was a disco, the rooftop or something.
01:37:59.000 Right.
01:38:00.000 And a DJ, and all of a sudden they go, we have a special, somebody come in.
01:38:07.000 I remember when they first started having videos on MTV and you know for folks today that live in this day and era this is not gonna be impressive but back then when Madonna first started having these music videos like burning up Tremendous.
01:38:25.000 Tremendous. 0.98
01:38:25.000 That's a fucking jam. 0.98
01:38:27.000 She took what Donna Summers was doing it and was like, you know what? 0.99
01:38:30.000 You're just not being clear enough of what you want. 1.00
01:38:33.000 You're a fucking freak. 1.00
01:38:34.000 Let me tell you what I'm looking for. 1.00
01:38:35.000 I'm looking to wear crosses and get fucked hard. 1.00
01:38:38.000 I'm looking to wear lace and get choked. 1.00
01:38:41.000 And I know that you want to want me, but you can't let go.
01:38:44.000 Come on, let's go. 0.98
01:38:46.000 I'm burning up, burning up.
01:38:48.000 Ooh, yeah, I'm burning up. 0.99
01:38:50.000 And she was sexy as fuck back then. 1.00
01:38:52.000 Fucking tremendous, tremendous. 1.00
01:38:53.000 She had that dancer body with a little plumpness to her, too. 0.99
01:38:56.000 You know, like she was eating well for the first time in her life. 0.99
01:38:59.000 God damn, she was hot. 1.00
01:39:00.000 Do you remember when Desperately Seeking Susan came out? 1.00
01:39:03.000 If she walked the street, she'd have a million fucking people. 1.00
01:39:07.000 Yeah, people don't even know what a big star she was. 1.00
01:39:09.000 She was like a female Michael Jackson at that point in time.
01:39:11.000 Yeah, and Michael Jackson had been there with 384, and they had to close Manhattan.
01:39:14.000 Yeah, people I don't think are really even aware of how big Madonna was at one point in time.
01:39:19.000 She was gigantic.
01:39:21.000 True Blue.
01:39:22.000 The second one is like a virgin, which is good.
01:39:24.000 That's a great one, too. 0.98
01:39:25.000 True Blue isn't that fucking good, but it's got a couple... 0.97
01:39:28.000 It's got a... 0.98
01:39:30.000 You abandoned me.
01:39:32.000 Yeah, an old jam.
01:39:33.000 Bro, do you know what I put on Twitter that I thought of you? 0.98
01:39:35.000 The best fucking jam of all time. 0.99
01:39:38.000 The best. 1.00
01:39:38.000 Fuck Leonard Skinner. 1.00
01:39:40.000 Fuck Led Zeppelin. 1.00
01:39:41.000 Fuck Pink Floyd. 1.00
01:39:42.000 Because there ain't nothing better than Groovers in the heart, dog. 1.00
01:39:45.000 The other morning, I fucking heard it on the radio. 0.99
01:39:49.000 I almost pulled over. 0.99
01:39:50.000 I used to love that chick. 1.00
01:39:51.000 The dancing girl.
01:39:52.000 Oh my god.
01:39:52.000 I heard she got arrested for something.
01:39:54.000 Yeah, for heroin.
01:39:55.000 Really?
01:39:55.000 Did she?
01:39:56.000 Tonight, when nobody's around and nobody smoked a half a dube and put the video on and watch it.
01:40:01.000 Watch what that Chinese kid was doing and awesome Bootsy Collins. 1.00
01:40:04.000 That was a fucking jam. 0.99
01:40:06.000 I don't care how bad of a mood you're in. 1.00
01:40:08.000 You could be in a bad mood, doing something, and by the middle of that second verse, you just start fucking, not dancing, but you're like, you know what? 0.99
01:40:17.000 It could be worse. 1.00
01:40:17.000 Look at this shit. 1.00
01:40:18.000 I love the way that girl dances, too. 1.00
01:40:19.000 Groove is in the heart.
01:40:20.000 What's he saying in the beginning?
01:40:21.000 She dances so free.
01:40:22.000 I don't know.
01:40:24.000 Let's play it.
01:40:25.000 Can we play it? 1.00
01:40:25.000 Yeah, fucking play it. 1.00
01:40:26.000 They're in jail. 1.00
01:40:27.000 Just fucking find it. 0.99
01:40:29.000 Meanwhile, it's owned by some records. 0.99
01:40:31.000 What was the black girl's name that you like?
01:40:34.000 Oh, the internet's down.
01:40:36.000 We heard the jam one time and we were singing it.
01:40:39.000 Which girl? 0.93
01:40:39.000 The Buffalo Stance. 0.93
01:40:41.000 Oh, yeah!
01:40:41.000 Nina Cherry!
01:40:42.000 Nina Cherry! 1.00
01:40:43.000 What happened to Nina Cherry? 1.00
01:40:44.000 I forgot her fucking name! 0.99
01:40:45.000 Oh, I loved her. 1.00
01:40:46.000 What was the other jam?
01:40:47.000 Nina Cherry.
01:40:47.000 She had a couple good ones.
01:40:48.000 What was the Buffalo Stance?
01:40:50.000 I don't know.
01:40:51.000 I love Nina Cherry. 1.00
01:40:52.000 She was hot as fuck. 1.00
01:40:54.000 Nina fucking Cherry. 1.00
01:40:56.000 No, Nina Cherry's way hotter. 1.00
01:40:58.000 Yeah, I don't know what happened, man.
01:40:59.000 Nina Cherry, that's right.
01:41:00.000 She had so much potential, too.
01:41:02.000 When you saw her singing, you're like, that girl's a star.
01:41:06.000 And then Tracy Chapman.
01:41:08.000 Tracy Chapman.
01:41:09.000 But before Tracy Chapman...
01:41:10.000 Tracy Chapman had a bunch of big hits.
01:41:11.000 What was the thicker black chick, bro? 1.00
01:41:14.000 Over...
01:41:15.000 Over...
01:41:16.000 Armor Trading.
01:41:17.000 Joan Armor Trading.
01:41:18.000 Oh, Joan Armor Trading. 1.00
01:41:19.000 Shit. 1.00
01:41:19.000 Joan Armor Trading is some great, deep fucking song. 1.00
01:41:22.000 Yeah, what was that one hit that she had? 0.99
01:41:24.000 Oh, come on now, dog. 1.00
01:41:25.000 Don't make me get into Joan Armor Trading, this motherfucker. 1.00
01:41:28.000 What is... 1.00
01:41:28.000 What was that one big hit that she had? 1.00
01:41:29.000 I always loved Joan Armor Trading, but she scared me. 0.99
01:41:32.000 She looked like the fucking guy from Little Rascals. 1.00
01:41:34.000 That bitch could sing, man. 1.00
01:41:34.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:41:35.000 What was that one hit that she had, man?
01:41:38.000 This is driving me nuts. 0.69
01:41:40.000 Drives you crazy.
01:41:42.000 The slow one?
01:41:42.000 Bro, she had some...
01:41:44.000 Brian, shut the fuck up. 1.00
01:41:45.000 How dare you. 1.00
01:41:47.000 You don't remember Joan Amatrini, cocksucker? 1.00
01:41:49.000 I don't remember her now. 1.00
01:41:50.000 She had one fucking killer song, man. 1.00
01:41:52.000 I probably know this song now. 1.00
01:41:54.000 Damn, this is driving me nuts. 0.99
01:41:56.000 Something like that. 1.00
01:41:57.000 The slow jam that was fucking amazing she had. 0.96
01:42:01.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:42:02.000 Damn it. 1.00
01:42:03.000 Now I'm going to have to buy her whole fucking thing on iTunes. 1.00
01:42:06.000 Just put it up on YouTube. 0.97
01:42:07.000 Just press in Joan Armatrading and it'll come up with the songs that were popular.
01:42:11.000 Right.
01:42:11.000 There you go.
01:42:12.000 There you go. 1.00
01:42:13.000 Because I get the same fucking problem sometimes. 1.00
01:42:16.000 Okay, here we go. 0.98
01:42:17.000 Hey, so when was your episode of General Hospital on?
01:42:19.000 Because you were on...
01:42:20.000 Today?
01:42:21.000 Today? 1.00
01:42:22.000 Oh, you fucking didn't tell me. 0.99
01:42:23.000 Well, yeah, I officially married Luke and... 0.99
01:42:25.000 Tracy and Anthony.
01:42:27.000 Oh, man.
01:42:28.000 I wish I would have known.
01:42:28.000 I've been, like, watching non-stop General Hospital, and I've been just, like, looking for it.
01:42:34.000 All last week.
01:42:34.000 I did not see it.
01:42:36.000 How many are you doing?
01:42:37.000 I did four.
01:42:38.000 They focused on my ball spot.
01:42:39.000 Can you watch it online?
01:42:41.000 Do they have, like, General Hospital online?
01:42:42.000 All right, I'm on it.
01:42:44.000 You can watch it online?
01:42:46.000 Hulu or something.
01:42:47.000 I think it's on Hulu.
01:42:48.000 I heard that they were trying to move it to...
01:42:51.000 They were trying to move it to nighttime.
01:42:52.000 Is that true?
01:42:53.000 They're turning into telenovelas, yeah.
01:42:54.000 Oh, dude.
01:42:55.000 Please, please play this.
01:42:57.000 Come on, dog.
01:42:57.000 Please play Joan Armatrader in Call Me Names.
01:42:59.000 That's the song. 1.00
01:43:00.000 Oh, shit! 1.00
01:43:00.000 That's the song. 1.00
01:43:02.000 Nobody remembers Joan Armatrader.
01:43:04.000 Oh, man.
01:43:04.000 Oh, man.
01:43:05.000 Before Tracy Chapman, it was Joan Armatrader.
01:43:07.000 Oh, she... 1.00
01:43:08.000 This is the jam, man.
01:43:09.000 I forgot about this song.
01:43:10.000 Yeah, man.
01:43:10.000 This is a badass song.
01:43:12.000 Yeah, man.
01:43:13.000 She was one of the original friends.
01:43:16.000 You're also in Children's Hospital, right?
01:43:18.000 You've got to play this, Brian.
01:43:19.000 I don't care if we get sued.
01:43:20.000 Play this.
01:43:21.000 Just play it on your laptop.
01:43:22.000 Okay, can I do that?
01:43:22.000 That's illegal.
01:43:23.000 No, it'll have...
01:43:24.000 Okay, I'll have to pause the YouTube stream.
01:43:27.000 So when is your...
01:43:29.000 Because you're also on Children's Hospital.
01:43:30.000 You did General and Children's Hospital.
01:43:32.000 I'm going to wrap up tomorrow night for Children's Hospital, and I know when the...
01:43:34.000 And was that fun also?
01:43:35.000 Yeah, but I'll tell you what.
01:43:36.000 I love that show.
01:43:37.000 I did Kickin' It where I played the Meatball King.
01:43:41.000 So I was like one of Batman's villains.
01:43:43.000 Oh, really? 1.00
01:43:43.000 And I have a bazooka like Scarface that shoots meatballs at the kids and shit. 1.00
01:43:47.000 At the end, wait till this comes out. 1.00
01:43:49.000 It's a kid's show on Disney.
01:43:50.000 Alright, cool.
01:43:51.000 Kickin' It. 0.96
01:43:52.000 I'll kick it with Kickin' It. 0.88
01:43:53.000 So this, uh...
01:43:55.000 How many episodes are you doing of this?
01:43:57.000 Oh, General Hospital?
01:43:58.000 Yeah.
01:43:58.000 Four so far.
01:43:59.000 I think they're gonna... 0.99
01:44:00.000 Because Sonny's going, so any of the new mobs that are coming and smack some bitches. 1.00
01:44:04.000 You know what I'm saying? 0.99
01:44:05.000 What do you have to do?
01:44:07.000 So far, I just was a reverend.
01:44:09.000 I went to jail.
01:44:10.000 I went to prison.
01:44:10.000 A reverend?
01:44:11.000 Yeah, I married.
01:44:12.000 I'm a reverend in this.
01:44:14.000 My name is Game Runner.
01:44:16.000 Instead of Mad Flavor, it's Game Runner.
01:44:19.000 Game Runner?
01:44:20.000 Game Runner?
01:44:21.000 Game Runner.
01:44:21.000 Brian, did you lower my volume?
01:44:23.000 No. 1.00
01:44:25.000 Turn it back up, bitch. 1.00
01:44:26.000 I haven't heard that channel in a while. 1.00
01:44:27.000 How dare you.
01:44:27.000 I saw you turn that up.
01:44:28.000 So it was Game Runner.
01:44:29.000 Game Runner?
01:44:30.000 And I came on the show as a guy that went to prison with Anthony.
01:44:33.000 When I went to jail, I got my life and I became a minister. 0.85
01:44:36.000 So I come and marry one of his chicks that he kidnaps. 1.00
01:44:40.000 So he straight up kidnaps this chick and I marry him on the show.
01:44:44.000 Do you have any scenes with any hot chicks?
01:44:45.000 Do you wear an eye patch?
01:44:46.000 Yeah, the blonde is cute, yeah. 1.00
01:44:47.000 The blonde, yeah? 0.93
01:44:47.000 But I didn't know, like, I watched it for the first time. 0.93
01:44:50.000 They got black people on General House.
01:44:51.000 What? 1.00
01:44:51.000 I didn't know that shit. 1.00
01:44:52.000 Was that shocking to you? 1.00
01:44:53.000 Yeah, it was very shocking to me.
01:44:54.000 I didn't even see that.
01:44:55.000 Yeah, they passed that law in 99. Did they?
01:44:57.000 They put brothers on fucking soap operas? 1.00
01:44:59.000 Where is the brothers? 1.00
01:45:01.000 And they should have, like, a black soap opera. 1.00
01:45:02.000 Well, Rishon used to do soap operas.
01:45:04.000 Right, right, right.
01:45:05.000 Rassan was in, what was he in?
01:45:07.000 General Hospital.
01:45:08.000 Was he in General Hospital?
01:45:09.000 Something like that.
01:45:10.000 I thought he was in Dez.
01:45:11.000 I think it was Dez.
01:45:12.000 Well, whatever he was in.
01:45:12.000 He was on, yeah.
01:45:14.000 Rassan's talented, man.
01:45:16.000 For people who don't know, that's a hilarious comedian.
01:45:22.000 There's like all these videos of me arguing with a crazy Brazilian jiu-jitsu guy online.
01:45:26.000 That's my friend, Rassan.
01:45:28.000 And he's an Eddie Brown belt.
01:45:30.000 He's just an actor.
01:45:31.000 It's just, he's this character that he does, and every now and then he'll want to confront me about some things and get into this big, long argument.
01:45:37.000 It's like Eddie's, Eddie thinks it's hilarious.
01:45:39.000 He loves doing it, so Eddie sets it up all the time.
01:45:42.000 But his actual name is Rahsaan, and he's hilarious.
01:45:45.000 And how funny is it that Rahsaan's father was my first karate teacher when I came from Cuba.
01:45:49.000 It's amazing. 0.82
01:45:50.000 So how's that circle fucking flow with Eddie and the whole thing? 0.97
01:45:53.000 Rahsaan's, and it was like a black. 0.97
01:45:55.000 Rahsaan's such a great guy.
01:45:56.000 Listen, bro, and we have to get Rahsaan to tell you the story about his father's karate school.
01:46:00.000 Yeah?
01:46:01.000 His father's karate school was like on 100th Street in Amsterdam.
01:46:04.000 It was black.
01:46:05.000 It was painted black.
01:46:07.000 The walls were black.
01:46:08.000 The geese were black.
01:46:10.000 Black was beautiful.
01:46:11.000 It was 1970. You got a fist, goju. 1.00
01:46:14.000 You got a fucking fist that said goju. 1.00
01:46:16.000 And you got this thing on the back in Japanese letters. 1.00
01:46:20.000 Let me tell you what he used to make us do, Hassan's father. 0.99
01:46:22.000 He'd make us run to Central Park barefoot with the fucking karate uniforms on. 0.99
01:46:26.000 Whoa. 0.99
01:46:27.000 You don't know how scared I used to be.
01:46:28.000 Run barefoot on the street?
01:46:30.000 Run, run, run. 0.99
01:46:31.000 He'd make us fucking run with the geese on. 0.99
01:46:34.000 What if you saw broken glass? 1.00
01:46:35.000 He didn't give a fuck. 0.99
01:46:36.000 That's what toughened you up. 1.00
01:46:37.000 I remember one time Hassan's father kicked me in the fucking stomach when I was about six. 0.99
01:46:42.000 You know when the air comes out of you for the first time? 0.99
01:46:43.000 It took me like a month to go back to karate.
01:46:45.000 But he was a good guy, bro. 0.99
01:46:47.000 He taught me a lot of good shit. 0.98
01:46:48.000 My first karate teacher, Joe Esposito, who's now the head of the... 0.99
01:46:52.000 He's one of the big guys at the Massachusetts State Athletic Commission.
01:46:56.000 They regulate mixed martial arts.
01:46:58.000 I took a class from him and he sidekicked me in the stomach.
01:47:01.000 Like, that's what they would do, man.
01:47:02.000 Back then, man, they would say, tighten up!
01:47:04.000 I mean, he didn't hit me hard.
01:47:06.000 I was only like 14. He just gave me a little tap.
01:47:09.000 But that was common, you know?
01:47:11.000 The instructor would walk by, tighten up! 0.99
01:47:12.000 And they'd fucking blast you in the stomach while you were in line. 0.99
01:47:15.000 You know, you had to always be prepared, always be solid. 0.99
01:47:18.000 Remember when the Koreans came over to teach Taekwondo and they'd walk around with a stick? 1.00
01:47:22.000 Oh yeah, man.
01:47:23.000 And they'd hit you in the back of the legs if you giggle. 0.87
01:47:25.000 Koreans were like super strict. 1.00
01:47:27.000 Super strict. 1.00
01:47:27.000 But because of that, their team was fucking monstrous, man. 1.00
01:47:31.000 The Korean national team, for a while, until the Americans got real good at it, and then there was some other entries from other parts of the world that were really high level. 0.98
01:47:40.000 But for a while, the Koreans just dominated Taekwondo tournaments.
01:47:43.000 And a lot of it was...
01:47:44.000 The high-level training and the discipline that they had.
01:47:46.000 They took it seriously.
01:47:48.000 Now you can't hit your kids no more.
01:47:50.000 I had a friend.
01:47:51.000 My friend was going to med school.
01:47:53.000 My friend Junkzik.
01:47:55.000 And he won the national championships.
01:47:58.000 He took time off to win the nationals. 0.99
01:48:01.000 took time off to train, took time off away from his school, which was a big fucking deal, because he was going through some serious, serious fucking schoolwork. 0.99
01:48:09.000 And I remember watching this kid, I couldn't believe how fucking hard he worked. 0.99
01:48:14.000 It was incredible to watch. 0.97
01:48:16.000 It was really inspiring, because this guy was always tired.
01:48:20.000 He was exhausted, and yet he would still find time to train.
01:48:24.000 And we were talking about it back then.
01:48:26.000 He was a little bit ahead of me.
01:48:27.000 He was like, when I was hitting a national level for my skills, he was already there.
01:48:33.000 So he was like a little bit ahead of me.
01:48:35.000 And I remember talking to him.
01:48:37.000 I'm like, how are you doing this?
01:48:38.000 Like, this is incredible that you find time to do all this schoolwork, and yet you still find time to train.
01:48:45.000 And he's like, I barely can do it.
01:48:46.000 I barely can do it.
01:48:47.000 He goes, I'm so tired.
01:48:48.000 I'm so tired.
01:48:48.000 He would, like, when he was training for the nationals, he would do his homework And then he would put his backpack on with all of his books and he would run up and down the stairs in his dormitory where he stayed.
01:49:01.000 And that's how he would get a lot of his cardio training in.
01:49:04.000 He would just put his books in his bag and run up and down the stairs.
01:49:07.000 And he would tell me about how exhausted he was when he would come to work out and train. 0.99
01:49:11.000 But the fucking guy just kept chipping away. 0.99
01:49:15.000 I learned a lot watching that dude. 1.00
01:49:17.000 There's levels of commitment and discipline.
01:49:20.000 And for whatever reason, a lot of Asian people instill that in their children.
01:49:27.000 That, like, real intense discipline.
01:49:31.000 You know, proud of their kid when their kid becomes a doctor.
01:49:34.000 Proud of their kid when their kid becomes something really, really difficult. 1.00
01:49:38.000 That's a motherfucker, man. 0.99
01:49:40.000 To have that high expectations of yourself, you're really setting yourself up for a very stressful, stressful life. 1.00
01:49:50.000 And I know he eventually stopped competing because it was too much to do that.
01:49:54.000 And he assumed his practice to become a doctor and his studies to become a doctor.
01:50:00.000 And he got right back into that.
01:50:02.000 And that became 100% his focus.
01:50:03.000 But he did what he wanted to do.
01:50:04.000 He got there.
01:50:05.000 He got where he wanted to get.
01:50:07.000 And then, you know, he realized his dream and now it's just back to work.
01:50:11.000 And I was like, man, that's a tough life.
01:50:13.000 That's a lot of work.
01:50:14.000 You know, look at the discipline even with the Japanese, with the Yakuza. 1.00
01:50:18.000 They fuck up, they gotta cut a finger off. 1.00
01:50:20.000 Who's got that discipline in the United States? 1.00
01:50:22.000 You come to work late, you're gonna cut a fucking finger off. 1.00
01:50:25.000 And you have to cut it off yourself. 1.00
01:50:27.000 That's the motherfucker. 1.00
01:50:29.000 I can see if somebody grabs you and cuts your finger off you. 1.00
01:50:31.000 You have to go in there with a knife, put your hand out and chop your fucking thing and tie a bandage over your hand and drive yourself to the fucking hospital. 1.00
01:50:39.000 That's a level of commitment. 1.00
01:50:41.000 And that's for fucking up, for slipping. 0.99
01:50:42.000 They let you live. 1.00
01:50:44.000 But you lose a fucking finger. 1.00
01:50:45.000 You lose the whole finger or a joint? 1.00
01:50:47.000 Is it like a pinky joint? 0.99
01:50:47.000 They take the whole fucking thing off. 0.99
01:50:49.000 The joint, everything. 1.00
01:50:50.000 Really?
01:50:51.000 They start...
01:50:52.000 Isn't it like they take joints off, though?
01:50:54.000 They chop like... 0.99
01:50:55.000 I don't know.
01:50:56.000 I think that's what it is.
01:50:57.000 All I want is a manicure.
01:50:58.000 I think it's digits.
01:50:59.000 What is a manicure? 1.00
01:51:00.000 How about I fuck up and I cut my fucking manicure? 1.00
01:51:02.000 I told my fucking jam or something. 1.00
01:51:04.000 But for me to cut a finger off... 1.00
01:51:05.000 I mean, that's just...
01:51:07.000 And you do it with honor.
01:51:08.000 Yeah.
01:51:09.000 You do it with honor. 0.97
01:51:10.000 Like, you come in and go, I'm sorry, I fucked up. 1.00
01:51:12.000 Out of my respect for you, I'm going to chop my fucking finger off. 1.00
01:51:16.000 That's honor. 1.00
01:51:17.000 To my family, that's honor.
01:51:18.000 I was talking to a friend of mine who had something going on where he was involved with a bunch of businessmen, and one of them was this Japanese guy that kept showing off the fact that his finger was missing.
01:51:33.000 He would flaunt it, defectors, and laugh about it that his finger was missing. 0.98
01:51:37.000 Like, see that?
01:51:38.000 You see that?
01:51:39.000 Apparently, I guess in Japan, it must carry a lot of weight.
01:51:43.000 It carries a lot of weight.
01:51:44.000 Someone sees that.
01:51:45.000 Someone sees you with a finger that you probably chopped off yourself. 1.00
01:51:47.000 They're like, ooh, this guy's willing to take shit to a different level. 1.00
01:51:50.000 And they've been tatting themselves up for 200 fucking years like that. 1.00
01:51:53.000 With body suits. 0.99
01:51:54.000 Whole body tats.
01:51:56.000 And the way they do it is super painful. 0.99
01:51:57.000 Super fucking painful. 1.00
01:51:58.000 All that shit. 1.00
01:52:00.000 It's a different upbringing. 0.99
01:52:02.000 The traditional method of tapping, that tat tat tat tat, the way they do it, very different than like a needle, like a tattoo, a modern tattoo needle where they essentially just draw it.
01:52:12.000 It wasn't like that back then.
01:52:14.000 That's how Steve-O got his tattoo.
01:52:16.000 Oh, his Thai tattoos?
01:52:17.000 Yeah, he went to the same person that Angelina Jolie did and got the exact same tattoo she got.
01:52:22.000 Well, for a while, every tattoo that she got, he would get too.
01:52:25.000 He would like recreate her tattoos.
01:52:27.000 So funny.
01:52:27.000 That's taking Nate to the next level.
01:52:29.000 Why? 1.00
01:52:29.000 He's so silly. 1.00
01:52:30.000 Because he loves her. 1.00
01:52:31.000 Because he's crazy.
01:52:31.000 I love the fact there's people like Steve-O out there.
01:52:34.000 I love the fact there's people that are willing to climb up a tree and let a lion come get you.
01:52:38.000 He's great.
01:52:39.000 We've got to get him on this podcast.
01:52:41.000 Yeah, for sure.
01:52:42.000 He loves Angelina Jolie?
01:52:44.000 Yeah, well, I don't know.
01:52:45.000 I think it's more he loves the idea, the goof of it, that he's going to get every tattoo that she gets.
01:52:51.000 I think he has Billy Bob on his arm.
01:52:53.000 Does he have Billy Bob on his arm?
01:52:54.000 Yeah.
01:52:54.000 No, but that would be funny.
01:52:55.000 I don't know if he does.
01:52:56.000 Well, maybe he took it off when she took hers off, because she took hers off. 0.74
01:52:59.000 He actually took off his shirt when we had him on one of the old podcasts at my apartment.
01:53:02.000 He took off his shirt and showed us all his tattoos.
01:53:04.000 Oh, yeah.
01:53:05.000 He's got a shitload of them.
01:53:06.000 The ones on his back are pretty amazing.
01:53:08.000 And he has a picture of himself on his back.
01:53:10.000 He does?
01:53:10.000 Yeah, it looks like it's airbrushed, like perfect.
01:53:14.000 That's a questionable choice, though.
01:53:16.000 That's really a questionable choice.
01:53:17.000 I can see getting Angelina's tattoos on your body, but doing a tattoo of your own face on your body.
01:53:23.000 It's so funny.
01:53:23.000 What about the people that got a tattoo of George Lopez on their arm?
01:53:27.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00
01:53:27.000 That's a fucking tattoo you gotta live with forever. 1.00
01:53:30.000 What do you do now that he got fucking fired off TNT or whatever he was on? 1.00
01:53:33.000 What do you do? 1.00
01:53:34.000 Well, he's still going to tour and probably kill him.
01:53:37.000 He's never going to be at a long for income if he decides to tour, you know?
01:53:42.000 Don't you think?
01:53:43.000 That guy was selling out the Hollywood Bowl.
01:53:45.000 He was selling out giant places.
01:53:48.000 I just took a flight last week where Paul Rodriguez is on the flight.
01:53:51.000 Oh yeah?
01:53:51.000 You gotta get up on that microphone.
01:53:52.000 He sat right next to me.
01:53:53.000 We talked about the store and Mitzi.
01:53:55.000 Oh yeah?
01:53:55.000 Yeah, he was pretty interesting to talk to.
01:53:57.000 Paul Rodriguez was there in the early days, right?
01:54:00.000 Wasn't he there in the Chico and the Man days? 0.99
01:54:02.000 When fucking homeboy killed himself? 0.98
01:54:03.000 34 years he's doing comedy. 1.00
01:54:05.000 What was that guy's name that killed himself?
01:54:07.000 Freddie Prince.
01:54:07.000 Freddie Prince, yeah.
01:54:08.000 And the guy who took his place was Danny Mora, who's also a Comedy Store regular.
01:54:13.000 Took his place. 0.96
01:54:14.000 He took Chico's place for a season and they figured out that you weren't gonna replace fucking Freddie Prince at that time. 0.98
01:54:21.000 Yeah. 0.81
01:54:21.000 Who was the comic that jumped off the building of the comedy store right next door? 0.81
01:54:25.000 I don't know who that guy was.
01:54:26.000 You guys remember that, right?
01:54:27.000 Well, I heard the story, but I don't know who the guy was.
01:54:29.000 Some guy jumped off the building right next to the comedy store at the Hyde Hotel or whatever it was called. 0.96
01:54:35.000 Yeah, that was during the riots or whatever the fuck it was. 0.68
01:54:40.000 Now there's an advertisement for Mad Men on there where it's just a shadow of somebody falling down that building and it's so creepy to look at because the shadow is exactly where that guy killed himself. 0.98
01:54:52.000 I wonder if they knew that.
01:54:54.000 No, I don't think they do.
01:54:55.000 You don't think they know?
01:54:56.000 No, I don't.
01:54:57.000 I mean, isn't it kind of like Hollywood legend, though?
01:54:58.000 Yeah, and a lot of people at the comedy store, like, I said something to them, and they're like, oh my god, you're right. 0.99
01:55:03.000 Holy shit. 0.91
01:55:04.000 I didn't even think of that. 1.00
01:55:05.000 I don't think anyone knows what I was thinking about.
01:55:07.000 That was the boycott, right?
01:55:08.000 They boycotted all the clubs.
01:55:09.000 You know, back in the day, comedy clubs in LA didn't pay anything.
01:55:12.000 Now they pay a little bit.
01:55:13.000 They pay a tiny bit. 0.99
01:55:14.000 But back then, they didn't pay a goddamn thing. 1.00
01:55:16.000 And so guys were packing the place and killing them and all the clubs were making money and the clubs were treating you like shit. 0.99
01:55:22.000 It's the only place where the clubs get away with that. 1.00
01:55:25.000 They have that sort of slave owner mentality like some of them do.
01:55:28.000 Some of them do still to this day.
01:55:30.000 They think that you're doing some sort of an honor by performing there.
01:55:34.000 Comedy stores have really tightened their ship lately, though.
01:55:35.000 They've got a whole new staff in there.
01:55:37.000 No one's the same anymore.
01:55:39.000 It's completely like a normal club now, I think.
01:55:41.000 Which one the comedy store is?
01:55:42.000 In the last year, they've just pretty much overhauled the whole entire thing.
01:55:46.000 So now it's like a regular club?
01:55:47.000 Yeah, it's got food.
01:55:49.000 People are getting paid.
01:55:50.000 People are getting spots.
01:55:51.000 The only thing that you don't see is you don't see a lot of new comics going through there a lot.
01:55:55.000 It's still kind of like the same, like a Saturday Night Live season.
01:55:59.000 How could it possibly be improving with those people at the helm?
01:56:03.000 Yeah.
01:56:03.000 Well, I mean, I think Tommy's the only person that you would know there now.
01:56:09.000 There's your problem.
01:56:10.000 And that bartender people in the back. 1.00
01:56:12.000 Huck?
01:56:13.000 Huck's still there?
01:56:13.000 Oh yeah, all those guys are still there.
01:56:14.000 That guy's cool as fuck. 0.96
01:56:16.000 That was a crazy... 1.00
01:56:16.000 You know, you talk about it, we talk about it. 1.00
01:56:18.000 That was a cool time.
01:56:20.000 That was a fun place to hang out.
01:56:22.000 That's what everybody misses about it.
01:56:24.000 And you know what?
01:56:25.000 It never was what the Ice House is.
01:56:28.000 The Ice House is way better.
01:56:29.000 It's a way better vibe.
01:56:31.000 The fact that we got that podcast room right next to it.
01:56:33.000 The fact that everybody's hanging around there.
01:56:36.000 You know who's the GM now?
01:56:37.000 I think he's the GM. Yeah, he's the GM. It's Adam now from Arizona.
01:56:42.000 So it's like the new Dean is the guy that we're friends with that used to be the improv.
01:56:47.000 Oh, that's hilarious.
01:56:49.000 Well, good for him, man.
01:56:50.000 Good for him.
01:56:51.000 The comedy store served its purpose when it did.
01:56:53.000 It was like that bar you went to for a year when you lived in that place where you ate there.
01:56:57.000 It served its purpose.
01:56:59.000 It was there for me, and I moved on.
01:57:01.000 I don't even think about it no more. 0.99
01:57:02.000 When I drive by there, it's like a foreign fucking place to me. 1.00
01:57:06.000 Yeah. 0.99
01:57:06.000 I don't even try to drive down there. 0.99
01:57:08.000 I was down there today and I drove by and it's like I don't even look no more.
01:57:11.000 It's strange when I do drive by.
01:57:12.000 You drive by and you felt bad if you didn't stop in.
01:57:15.000 I keep on finding new places.
01:57:16.000 If you come home from an airport or something, you're like, let me stop in there and say hello.
01:57:18.000 We used to do the improv on Melrose for New Year's and then we would drive back to the store and hang out.
01:57:23.000 I keep on finding new rooms and nooks.
01:57:25.000 Like, I just found a new nook the other day, and I guess it's Polly's office where you go up that third set of stairs. 0.99
01:57:30.000 I'm like, what the fuck is this place all about? 1.00
01:57:33.000 And that's like, oh, this is where you fuck a girl if you want to, or you can smoke weed. 1.00
01:57:36.000 And I'm like, oh, this is awesome! 1.00
01:57:38.000 That's hilarious.
01:57:39.000 That place has got so many tunnels and secrets and hiding spots.
01:57:43.000 Does Polly still keep an office there? 1.00
01:57:45.000 I think he might, but he's never there.
01:57:48.000 I never see Pauly there.
01:57:49.000 I've seen him once in a while.
01:57:50.000 What does he do now?
01:57:51.000 He's on the road a lot.
01:57:52.000 I think he's doing movies.
01:57:54.000 He just released that movie recently, and I don't know what he's doing.
01:57:58.000 I saw him the other day.
01:57:59.000 He had a camera crew there where he's doing some kind of thing, like filming something.
01:58:05.000 I don't know.
01:58:05.000 Wow.
01:58:06.000 But he's barely ever there.
01:58:08.000 There's people like that where you just go, where is that guy now? 0.97
01:58:11.000 I watched Don Barris again this weekend, both nights, and that's the best shit about the comedy store. 0.92
01:58:17.000 I think I got there at like 1, and we didn't leave the comedy store. 0.91
01:58:22.000 Don didn't finish until like 4 a.m.
01:58:25.000 He got off stage.
01:58:27.000 I mean, that's awesome.
01:58:28.000 No comedy club stays until 4 a.m.
01:58:31.000 Yeah, that club is pretty nutty.
01:58:32.000 I mean, we had some crazy things happen in that place.
01:58:35.000 Especially that original room, man.
01:58:36.000 That original room is just...
01:58:38.000 That's a heavenly body.
01:58:41.000 There's more energy in that room.
01:58:44.000 There's more history in that room.
01:58:47.000 Mostly, really, any club in the country.
01:58:49.000 Keeps you in check, that room.
01:58:51.000 Always keeps you in check.
01:58:52.000 You could be at a weekend place, a whole weekend killing. 0.99
01:58:55.000 Monday, you pull up to the comedy store, you think you're bad to the bone, and you're getting out of fucking laughing. 0.99
01:59:00.000 There's always drama and crazy shit happening. 0.98
01:59:02.000 Yeah, well, no one's ever quieting the audience. 0.99
01:59:06.000 It's always fucking chaos. 0.99
01:59:07.000 There was a girl Friday night, and she was definitely a hooker, that she was just sitting there using the patio. 1.00
01:59:12.000 A lot of hookers sit at the patio because there's a patio in the front that's outside where people walk back up and down sunset. 1.00
01:59:19.000 So a lot of the hookers just hang out at the patio. 1.00
01:59:22.000 And they look like normal girls at first, but then you realize what they're doing. 0.94
01:59:25.000 They're just using the patio.
01:59:26.000 How hot are they?
01:59:27.000 With this girl, this was the most funniest thing ever.
01:59:29.000 We walk up and everyone's staring at this girl at the bar. 1.00
01:59:31.000 I'm like, what's going on here? 0.99
01:59:33.000 I'm like, holy shit. 0.98
01:59:34.000 The back of her, she had only a thong on, like a string bikini thong or whatever. 1.00
01:59:38.000 And then just a see-through mini skirt. 0.99
01:59:41.000 You could see completely her butthole. 1.00
01:59:43.000 You could see everything. 0.99
01:59:44.000 It was crazy.
01:59:45.000 It could not be legal.
01:59:46.000 I'm like, oh my god.
01:59:47.000 Her body was meh. 0.99
01:59:48.000 It was alright. 0.99
01:59:49.000 So I was like, holy shit, that's awesome. 0.99
01:59:50.000 What's going on there? 0.98
01:59:51.000 He goes, dude, just relax.
01:59:53.000 Wait till you see her face. 1.00
01:59:54.000 I'm like, oh fuck. 1.00
01:59:55.000 So I go there and it was like... 1.00
01:59:57.000 Facial hair, acne.
01:59:59.000 I mean, it looked like a Mexican dude in drag. 0.95
02:00:03.000 Her face was just... 0.91
02:00:04.000 So was it a guy or was it a monster?
02:00:05.000 No, it was just a very unfortunate monster that decided to wear, like from behind, it looked awesome.
02:00:12.000 I wonder how much she works. 0.99
02:00:14.000 But we asked if we could take a photo, or one of the comics asked if they, like, can I take a photo with your butt? 0.97
02:00:19.000 You know, because that's how crazy it was. 0.98
02:00:21.000 And she was like, 20 bucks. 1.00
02:00:23.000 20 bucks.
02:00:24.000 20 bucks. 1.00
02:00:26.000 20 fucking bucks. 1.00
02:00:27.000 It's like, you know, when you take a picture with Spider-Man over at the Hollywood Bowl, at least you're supposed to, or Hollywood Boulevard, at least it's a donation, right? 1.00
02:00:34.000 And I'll tell you what the craziest thing of this story is that... 1.00
02:00:37.000 Why would a hooker go to the store and try to get money where there's so many other hookers that go there to suck a dick for free? 1.00
02:00:44.000 They're just using the view of the sunset to who to stock or to sell themselves without being on the corner. 1.00
02:00:51.000 You know what I mean?
02:00:51.000 People walk by the store and be like, Oh, look at that girl.
02:00:55.000 It's fucking crazy. 1.00
02:00:56.000 There's so many girls that would just walk in that were willing to suck dick. 1.00
02:01:00.000 You just had to fucking pull back the artichoke and fucking find out that you just needed the clouds to part to see the true color of the skies. 1.00
02:01:07.000 There's something about that Sunset Strip. 1.00
02:01:09.000 There's something about that fucking place that crazy women went to the store. 1.00
02:01:11.000 They go in there and drive. 1.00
02:01:12.000 Well, anywhere.
02:01:12.000 I mean, that'll happen at the Viper Room.
02:01:15.000 That'll happen at the House of Blues.
02:01:16.000 That whole area is just nuts.
02:01:19.000 That whole area.
02:01:20.000 It's like Vegas.
02:01:20.000 It's very Vegas-like.
02:01:21.000 It's amazing when a woman comes and she moves to L.A. and she doesn't really know how the things that could happen. 1.00
02:01:28.000 Yeah.
02:01:29.000 The things that can happen to a woman. 1.00
02:01:31.000 I'm going to produce.
02:01:31.000 I'm going to take you out to lunch.
02:01:32.000 Next thing you know, you're getting fucked by eight fucking IRABs. 1.00
02:01:35.000 You know? 1.00
02:01:36.000 IRABs. 1.00
02:01:36.000 Whatever the fuck they are. 1.00
02:01:37.000 IRABs, IRABs, whatever. 0.99
02:01:39.000 It's just so weird the chances are when you're a woman. 0.97
02:01:42.000 Like, you don't fucking know, you know? 0.59
02:01:43.000 Yeah, you could get lucky and wind up being Brooke Burke and being on Dancing with the Stars and making millions and smiling. 0.96
02:01:50.000 Or, yeah, you could wind up. 1.00
02:01:51.000 Suck one dick with a bad fucking guy that tells you to produce. 1.00
02:01:55.000 Next thing you know, you have a kid. 1.00
02:01:57.000 You leave here.
02:01:58.000 It's just amazing. 1.00
02:02:00.000 It's amazing, the fucking crapshoot, man. 0.99
02:02:03.000 For a woman, it's way harder. 1.00
02:02:04.000 Especially a woman trying to be a hot chick. 1.00
02:02:07.000 Trying to be a professional hot chick.
02:02:08.000 Trying to be an actress or something like that.
02:02:10.000 So many of them, man.
02:02:12.000 The volume, the numbers.
02:02:14.000 For every gig that there is, the number of pretty girls that are driving in on buses. 1.00
02:02:19.000 Especially now with the economy sucking.
02:02:21.000 How many of them are like, look, there's nothing here for me.
02:02:23.000 I'm just going to give it a chance.
02:02:25.000 Just getting that bus and flying off to Hollywood. 0.98
02:02:28.000 That's fucking amazing. 0.99
02:02:30.000 Yeah. 0.98
02:02:31.000 Well, you and I have been here for so long now, we've kind of seen how weird it is to watch people arrive. 0.98
02:02:36.000 You ever get Facebook from girls that you're like, oh my god, what the fuck happened to you? 1.00
02:02:43.000 Six years ago you were sucking 20 dicks behind the store and now you're a mom in Florida. 1.00
02:02:48.000 Yeah, a mile in Florida. 1.00
02:02:49.000 Like, that's what I get now.
02:02:50.000 Like, that's what I get.
02:02:51.000 Like, hey, Joey, I don't know if you remember me.
02:02:53.000 And you look at the picture on her face, and you're like, oh my god, she's got like a crib.
02:02:56.000 They always look so much older than you, too.
02:02:59.000 They always look way more beat than... 0.95
02:03:01.000 They're not living that porn star pimp lifestyle you are. 0.93
02:03:04.000 You relax all the time. 1.00
02:03:06.000 What the fuck happened? 0.99
02:03:07.000 I have 17 steps so far today. 1.00
02:03:09.000 But that comedy store, I ran into so many crazy fucking women. 1.00
02:03:14.000 Men too, men. 1.00
02:03:15.000 Men, women, everything.
02:03:17.000 That store was the... 0.99
02:03:18.000 It was an attractor, and it still is an attractor of crazy people.
02:03:21.000 But when a woman comes up to you and says, Can I talk to you for a second? 0.99
02:03:25.000 You know, how do you get funny?
02:03:28.000 I just want to be funny and they won't give me spots.
02:03:31.000 What do I have to do to get spots here?
02:03:32.000 That's the magic answer.
02:03:33.000 When they just say that to you, what do I need to do to get spots here?
02:03:36.000 You try to beat around the bush.
02:03:38.000 Well, you can write jokes. 1.00
02:03:40.000 You could go to a stand-up class or you could suck my dick. 1.00
02:03:43.000 You know what I'm saying? 1.00
02:03:44.000 Like, you got three options.
02:03:45.000 Is that what you'd say?
02:03:46.000 Oh, my God!
02:03:47.000 It's amazing.
02:03:48.000 Well, you had the one girl you talked about in the podcast who sent a message, sent a letter about how you broke her.
02:03:54.000 Oh, broke her.
02:03:55.000 And I didn't mean to break her. 1.00
02:03:56.000 She was always willing to suck my dick. 1.00
02:03:58.000 So, what am I going to do? 1.00
02:03:58.000 I remember her sucking my dick with dirty fingernails one night and me going, this is terrible. 1.00
02:04:04.000 In that little bathroom, the cubicle on the second floor? 1.00
02:04:06.000 Remember the one by the phone where you answered the phone?
02:04:08.000 Yeah, totally. 1.00
02:04:09.000 How many fucking blowjobs did you get in there from women that just said, if you suck my dick, will you put me on the belly room show with you next week? 1.00
02:04:15.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, call me. 1.00
02:04:16.000 And they'll just suck your dick for a fucking spot. 1.00
02:04:19.000 Like in the belly room, like if fucking, you know, Steven Soderbergh is gonna fucking show up to the fucking con. 1.00
02:04:24.000 Well, if they only knew about Mike Young's just... 0.99
02:04:27.000 Yeah, you know...
02:04:27.000 Hey, player.
02:04:29.000 What up, player? 1.00
02:04:30.000 It's just fucking amazing how women would fall... 1.00
02:04:33.000 I started going to an acting class, and you book something, and a girl sees you in acting class, oh my god, they're all over you outside. 0.99
02:04:39.000 Like, what do we need to do? 1.00
02:04:40.000 You need to start sucking my dick or show me your pussy or something. 1.00
02:04:43.000 You know how many fucking victims I had that were confused from acting class? 1.00
02:04:48.000 Why acting class confuse you? 1.00
02:04:50.000 Bro, when I was 415 pounds, like in 98, I had this 21-year-old that let me come over and fuck her in the ass. 1.00
02:04:57.000 And I would fuck her in the ass and feel guilty. 1.00
02:04:59.000 Like, when is she going to realize I'm a fat, disgusting slob? 1.00
02:05:02.000 This chick was like, I see you on Long Order SUV taking the garbage out. 1.00
02:05:06.000 Let me suck your dick. 1.00
02:05:07.000 Really? 1.00
02:05:07.000 I'm a fucking co-star. 1.00
02:05:09.000 You know what I'm saying? 1.00
02:05:10.000 You got to hold out for the big fucking stars. 1.00
02:05:12.000 She was sucking co-star dick. 1.00
02:05:13.000 What is wrong with you? 1.00
02:05:15.000 What is wrong with you? 1.00
02:05:16.000 I got 1,200 for the fucking day and you're sucking my dick like I'm some star. 1.00
02:05:19.000 I mean, she was serious. 1.00
02:05:20.000 Didn't you have some girl that you were getting in your acting class that was all zone? 0.93
02:05:28.000 Huh?
02:05:29.000 Someone else, someone was taking care of her.
02:05:31.000 I don't know if you can say the guy's name.
02:05:33.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, the black girl. 0.99
02:05:34.000 Yeah.
02:05:34.000 Yeah, yeah, we'll say it.
02:05:35.000 I don't give a fuck. 1.00
02:05:36.000 De Niro. 1.00
02:05:37.000 De Niro had, De Niro's got like these black chicks that he takes right from like South Florida. 1.00
02:05:44.000 You go to Florida, those black chicks are Like, go to Orlando Airport. 1.00
02:05:50.000 Those black chicks are raw. 1.00
02:05:51.000 I get mine from Pompano. 1.00
02:05:52.000 They have no fucking afro sheen. 0.99
02:05:54.000 Their hair just goes up like Joan Armatraden. 1.00
02:05:56.000 They got fucking tattoos. 1.00
02:05:58.000 They're a little heavy. 1.00
02:05:59.000 This girl that De Niro had, he fixed her up. 0.99
02:06:02.000 He gave her fake tits. 1.00
02:06:04.000 He took away all her tattoos. 1.00
02:06:06.000 He gave her the real hair. 1.00
02:06:07.000 He bought that horse hair so she had her shit. 1.00
02:06:09.000 And he put her up in the fucking thing with Shaq lift. 1.00
02:06:13.000 And that's how we got to talk. 0.99
02:06:14.000 I'm like, what made you move?
02:06:15.000 Like, you know, sometimes in acting class, they're like, well, you want to meet at a coffee shop to do scenes?
02:06:19.000 Or they either come to your house or you go to their house.
02:06:21.000 And one day she said, you want to come to my house?
02:06:23.000 I live in the Wilshire District.
02:06:24.000 Okay, I didn't even know what the Wilshire District is.
02:06:26.000 I just started driving.
02:06:27.000 And all of a sudden I pull up and there's a doorman. 1.00
02:06:30.000 And what the fuck does this bitch do? 1.00
02:06:32.000 And after a while, one day, she goes, my boyfriend's De Niro. 1.00
02:06:36.000 Look at his sleep apnea machine.
02:06:38.000 But she was telling me the whole story, that she wouldn't see him. 1.00
02:06:40.000 He would just call her on Friday and go, get that black ass washed. 1.00
02:06:44.000 Papa's coming for dinner. 1.00
02:06:45.000 And it was all over the shop.
02:06:47.000 How many of those do you think he has?
02:06:50.000 She said she knew she wasn't the only one.
02:06:53.000 That's beautiful.
02:06:54.000 And so they just do a no questions asked sort of a policy?
02:06:56.000 No questions asked.
02:06:57.000 When I come to town...
02:06:58.000 That's the way to roll.
02:06:59.000 Well, that's the way he's been rolling for a long time, right? 1.00
02:07:01.000 Trim that buckwheat for years because Papa's going to whistle into that fucking cave of death. 0.99
02:07:06.000 I mean, that's why he's got to keep doing these movies. 0.99
02:07:08.000 Yeah.
02:07:08.000 Especially those bad ones now.
02:07:10.000 He does some terrible ones now.
02:07:11.000 All those bad ones now.
02:07:12.000 They're all bad now.
02:07:13.000 I think now he's too old.
02:07:15.000 He's original wife, Tukey.
02:07:16.000 He's set out down to just having girls on Van Nuys. 0.77
02:07:17.000 That's his original wife, Tukey, the heavyset black chick. 1.00
02:07:20.000 That's kind of cute. 0.59
02:07:20.000 At least he's got some pizzazz. 0.59
02:07:23.000 He had a couple freaks that he had out there.
02:07:26.000 Why not?
02:07:27.000 I haven't seen a movie of his that was good in a while.
02:07:29.000 It's unfortunate when you think about it, because he's the greatest actor of all time, in my opinion.
02:07:33.000 One of them.
02:07:34.000 I shouldn't say the. 1.00
02:07:35.000 Gary Oldman's a bad motherfucker, too. 1.00
02:07:37.000 There's a lot of guys that are bad. 1.00
02:07:38.000 Russell Crowe's a bad motherfucker. 1.00
02:07:39.000 There's a lot of bad motherfuckers. 1.00
02:07:41.000 But you go back to the Raging Bull days or the Cape Fear days, Robert De Niro was a motherfucker. 1.00
02:07:48.000 He was amazing, man. 0.99
02:07:50.000 And he was the first guy that really would change his body.
02:07:53.000 He gained a fuckload of weight for Raging Bull, remember?
02:07:56.000 He got in super good shape as a boxer, and then he gained a lot of weight to play Ray LaMotta in the later years. 0.98
02:08:04.000 That was a fucking amazing performance. 0.99
02:08:07.000 Taxi Driver is a great fucking movie. 1.00
02:08:08.000 Amazing performance. 0.99
02:08:09.000 If you see him in Taxi Driver, that one scene where he goes to get Christopher Walken, and it's his turn, and the guy smacks him, and he smacks the guy back.
02:08:16.000 He goes, you know you're going to die. 1.00
02:08:17.000 Don't smack me, bitch. 1.00
02:08:18.000 I'm going to die anyway. 1.00
02:08:19.000 How good was he in Goodfellas?
02:08:22.000 How good was he in Goodfellas? 0.99
02:08:24.000 He was fucking amazing. 0.97
02:08:24.000 How good was he in Godfather 2 in the beginning? 0.97
02:08:27.000 Yeah, amazing. 0.98
02:08:28.000 You were a friend of mine and all that shit. 0.93
02:08:30.000 And when you see him, he became... 0.99
02:08:32.000 That could be a young Nolan Brando. 0.99
02:08:35.000 He really fucking had it down. 0.99
02:08:37.000 He was... 0.99
02:08:37.000 Bro, that's one of my favorite movies of all. 0.99
02:08:40.000 Godfather 2 is one of the most beautiful fucking... 1.00
02:08:44.000 The guy who stole that movie from me is that fucking guinea fuck Five Angels. 1.00
02:08:50.000 The guy that no Manjada in Las Vegas. 1.00
02:08:52.000 I don't Manjada in Miami with Hyman Roth. 1.00
02:08:54.000 That guy that was fucking crazy that would always say shit to Pacino. 1.00
02:08:58.000 He was the one that... 1.00
02:09:00.000 Duval made him commit suicide. 1.00
02:09:02.000 Remember, he went to see him in the jail, and he goes, you know, at the end, the Romans, they have a party, and then they slit their fucking wrists. 0.99
02:09:09.000 And that movie is a beautiful movie. 0.96
02:09:11.000 When they go to Cuba, and he tells them, hey, I seen something really interesting today.
02:09:16.000 I seen a rebel blow up.
02:09:18.000 And he goes, what does that tell you?
02:09:19.000 He goes, a soldier gets paid to fight.
02:09:21.000 A rebel does it for free.
02:09:23.000 I don't like it.
02:09:24.000 I'm not going to.
02:09:25.000 Watch the movie again, Joe Rogan.
02:09:27.000 I haven't seen that movie in a long time. 1.00
02:09:28.000 Watch the fucking movie again. 0.99
02:09:29.000 I had it on DVR and I watched it about a month ago and I was blown away. 1.00
02:09:32.000 Never seen it.
02:09:33.000 It starts.
02:09:34.000 Really?
02:09:34.000 Listen, it starts out.
02:09:36.000 Listen to how brilliant it starts out where the mother goes to the Don in Sicily and says, you killed my husband and you killed my son. 0.69
02:09:43.000 Spare him. 1.00
02:09:44.000 He's fucking retarded. 1.00
02:09:45.000 Yeah, you don't like it because so many people like it? 1.00
02:09:47.000 Is that one of those things?
02:09:48.000 Yeah, I don't like it because people are wearing God...
02:09:51.000 What is it called again?
02:09:53.000 Godfather posters in their house and they only talk about it.
02:09:56.000 It's like, dude, that movie came out like 20 years ago and you're still talking about it. 0.99
02:09:58.000 No, it's a great fucking movie. 0.98
02:09:59.000 It's still a great movie. 0.99
02:10:00.000 I know, I get it, but that's like me.
02:10:02.000 But he just wears on you.
02:10:04.000 Remember that she goes, he goes, no. 0.89
02:10:06.000 And he shoots the mother in front of him. 1.00
02:10:08.000 I don't remember this, but you're giving spoilers like a motherfucker. 1.00
02:10:11.000 Oh, bro, he shoots the mother, then he goes to Ellis Island. 1.00
02:10:14.000 He's alone in this world. 1.00
02:10:15.000 He's fucking retarded. 1.00
02:10:16.000 He had yellow fever when he came from Italy. 1.00
02:10:18.000 I don't remember this.
02:10:20.000 But the whole movie's when he goes back to Sicily.
02:10:23.000 After he becomes Vito Corleone, he's got the olive oil company, he goes back to Sicily to get the guy who kills his mother, his father, and his brother.
02:10:32.000 And he goes up to him.
02:10:33.000 And he's stabbed in the stomach.
02:10:35.000 Oh! 0.99
02:10:35.000 And he fucking rubs his blood on his shirt. 0.99
02:10:39.000 That's fucking acting. 1.00
02:10:42.000 Think about that scene. 1.00
02:10:43.000 He goes, talk a little closer.
02:10:44.000 I can't. 1.00
02:10:45.000 And he goes, really, motherfucker? 1.00
02:10:48.000 This is the thing and this is for you. 1.00
02:10:50.000 And he stabs him. 1.00
02:10:51.000 Then he wipes the knife on his fucking shirt. 1.00
02:10:53.000 You motherfucker. 1.00
02:10:55.000 You motherfucker killing my family, bitch. 1.00
02:10:58.000 He went back to the boot and took care of business. 1.00
02:11:00.000 It was a good movie.
02:11:01.000 I just don't remember.
02:11:02.000 I remember that.
02:11:02.000 I do remember that part.
02:11:03.000 The same people that like these movies always have like the ringtone of somebody in the Rat Pack also.
02:11:08.000 You know what I mean?
02:11:09.000 Like Dean Martin?
02:11:09.000 Like Dean Martin.
02:11:12.000 Is that what Frank Stallone likes to work out to?
02:11:15.000 Yeah.
02:11:16.000 No, he listens to his own music.
02:11:17.000 No, he doesn't.
02:11:18.000 Does he try to put it on a Justin's?
02:11:20.000 Yes.
02:11:21.000 What kind of music is he singing?
02:11:23.000 An album of covers.
02:11:24.000 Is it good?
02:11:25.000 When the sharp bites.
02:11:27.000 I need this. 1.00
02:11:28.000 I need for you to sing this fucking song that I've heard 30 million fucking times. 1.00
02:11:33.000 Yeah, that's not necessary at all. 1.00
02:11:34.000 No, that's like a Peter Lemongello album. 1.00
02:11:36.000 I don't need that shit. 1.00
02:11:37.000 Peter who? 1.00
02:11:37.000 Peter Lemongello was the biggest scam of all life. 1.00
02:11:39.000 Peter Lemongello?
02:11:40.000 Peter Lemongello in the 70s, his marketing group wanted to try something. 0.97
02:11:44.000 And they took a fucking guy, his name is Peter Lemongelo, good-looking blonde guy, took his picture and went on every station and said, get the greatest hits of Peter Lemongelo. 0.97
02:11:52.000 Nobody knew who Peter Lemongelo was. 1.00
02:11:54.000 Who the fuck is Peter Lemongelo? 0.97
02:11:55.000 But those are his greatest hits. 1.00
02:11:57.000 Buy the fucking thing. 1.00
02:11:57.000 He saw like a million copies. 1.00
02:11:58.000 Nobody knew.
02:11:59.000 What?
02:11:59.000 It was an album of just covers.
02:12:01.000 Him singing Merry Christmas and Silent Night.
02:12:04.000 Peter Lemongelo.
02:12:05.000 He was one album made in the 70s.
02:12:07.000 If you went on TV, think of the mass marketing, how much it's changed.
02:12:11.000 Think of the media marketing, how much it's changed.
02:12:13.000 In the 70s, a guy would go on TV, the greatest hits.
02:12:16.000 They didn't have that much.
02:12:17.000 Right, right.
02:12:18.000 So you went bananas.
02:12:19.000 Well, how about when they tried to sell that dude who was playing the flute?
02:12:22.000 The pan flute.
02:12:23.000 Master of the pan flute.
02:12:25.000 Yeah.
02:12:25.000 What was his name?
02:12:27.000 Zamfir. 0.86
02:12:28.000 Zamfir, master of the pan flute. 1.00
02:12:29.000 People would just order shit. 1.00
02:12:30.000 Like, let's get the fucking greatest. 1.00
02:12:32.000 It's amazing that that has any effect on you at all. 0.99
02:12:34.000 You're sitting at home, slack jaw, and there's a dude playing the flute, and you're like, that fucking pan flute, I gotta get that. 0.97
02:12:40.000 I gotta get that. 0.99
02:12:41.000 That sounds so fucking... 0.97
02:12:42.000 You know, Britney Spears sells 10 million albums. 0.99
02:12:45.000 Somebody's buying those. 0.99
02:12:46.000 It ain't you and me, but somebody's fucking buying those. 0.99
02:12:48.000 Yeah, but at least that's like pop music. 1.00
02:12:50.000 You kind of get there's a lot of dumb teenagers out there. 0.95
02:12:53.000 It sort of connects with the type of people that want frivolous dance music. 0.98
02:12:57.000 But I don't get the pan flute.
02:12:59.000 There's a bunch of dudes who would do different master of the...
02:13:03.000 Right?
02:13:04.000 Yeah, they sell them in meditation places also.
02:13:08.000 Do they?
02:13:09.000 Zamfir? 0.97
02:13:10.000 Yeah.
02:13:10.000 I bet a lot of dudes are pissed that he got that master of the pan flute contract.
02:13:13.000 Yeah.
02:13:14.000 Because, you know, I mean, how many dudes are playing the pan flute going, one day that's going to pan out?
02:13:18.000 The only guy I panned out for was Zamfear. 0.99
02:13:21.000 Zamfear. 0.96
02:13:21.000 That's it. 0.96
02:13:21.000 Now, what's the flute when you pull the thing? 0.96
02:13:25.000 Uh, trombone?
02:13:26.000 Kazoo.
02:13:26.000 No, slide whistle.
02:13:27.000 Slide whistle.
02:13:29.000 Is that what it is?
02:13:30.000 It's the thing that Russell Brand probably plays in his home.
02:13:33.000 Russell Brand?
02:13:34.000 Why would you say he plays the slide whistle?
02:13:36.000 Looks like he would.
02:13:37.000 I'm sorry, I'm just bitter with him.
02:13:38.000 You don't like Russell Brand?
02:13:40.000 No.
02:13:40.000 Is it a Katy Perry thing?
02:13:41.000 Is that what it is?
02:13:42.000 You're upset about that?
02:13:43.000 Yeah.
02:13:43.000 Really?
02:13:44.000 Why?
02:13:45.000 Are you a fan of Katy Perry's?
02:13:46.000 I love Katy Perry.
02:13:48.000 If you had a chance, would you be with her?
02:13:49.000 Of course I would.
02:13:50.000 Do you love her?
02:13:51.000 I want to marry her.
02:13:52.000 So you upset at Russell?
02:13:54.000 Obviously it didn't work out.
02:13:55.000 Yeah. 1.00
02:13:56.000 Yeah, but don't get fucking married. 1.00
02:13:58.000 Russell Brad... 0.99
02:13:59.000 He's also supposedly...
02:14:00.000 He's English. 1.00
02:14:01.000 His dick smells like shit, probably. 1.00
02:14:04.000 Yeah. 1.00
02:14:04.000 You know? 1.00
02:14:04.000 He's got fucked up teeth and he's trying to fuck her in the neck. 1.00
02:14:07.000 That girl's a 26-year-old girl from fucking up north. 1.00
02:14:10.000 Yeah, she's a good girl. 0.99
02:14:11.000 You had a good girl and you treated her bad, man. 1.00
02:14:14.000 How do you not know that she's a fucking singer, man. 1.00
02:14:19.000 She's a famous singer. 1.00
02:14:21.000 How do you know she's not crazy?
02:14:23.000 Yeah, it might be just like a female comic. 1.00
02:14:24.000 She just wants to talk about her songs all day and her fucking publicist. 1.00
02:14:27.000 Maybe she's nuts. 1.00
02:14:28.000 You don't know. 0.93
02:14:31.000 Don't play that role, Brian.
02:14:32.000 How dare you?
02:14:32.000 He uses the word telly still.
02:14:35.000 Telly?
02:14:35.000 Yeah, come on.
02:14:36.000 I like when they say proper.
02:14:38.000 It's a purple restaurant.
02:14:38.000 I love Russell, but he's an animal.
02:14:40.000 He's a fucking animal. 1.00
02:14:42.000 Telling people he's 30 years old. 1.00
02:14:43.000 He's 50. He's fucking 50. He's been sucking in fucking 50 fucking years. 1.00
02:14:47.000 You know what he did to that poor girl? 1.00
02:14:48.000 Is he 50?
02:14:49.000 Look at him.
02:14:50.000 Look at him.
02:14:50.000 You're going to tell me he's 34?
02:14:51.000 Really? 1.00
02:14:52.000 On what fucking planet is that guy 34? 1.00
02:14:53.000 He did a lot of drugs. 1.00
02:14:55.000 He did a lot of drugs. 1.00
02:14:57.000 He's a freak. 0.70
02:14:57.000 You can't... 0.70
02:14:58.000 Kyde, come here, Kyde.
02:15:01.000 I liked him and Arthur.
02:15:02.000 What? 1.00
02:15:04.000 You watched that piece of shit? 1.00
02:15:06.000 Why don't you watch the original one? 1.00
02:15:07.000 Fuck that. 1.00
02:15:08.000 I've seen the original one. 1.00
02:15:09.000 The original one's great.
02:15:10.000 There's no reason to remake that one.
02:15:11.000 The original one's great.
02:15:12.000 No, there's no reason to make it, but they did a pretty good job.
02:15:15.000 It was a good movie.
02:15:16.000 It's not bad.
02:15:17.000 Is he the same exact character that he's in in every single movie?
02:15:19.000 Yeah, pretty much.
02:15:20.000 But that's okay. 0.99
02:15:21.000 So is fucking Jason Bateman. 0.99
02:15:23.000 Or not, what's his name? 1.00
02:15:24.000 What the fuck's his name? 0.99
02:15:25.000 The guy from... 1.00
02:15:27.000 The balding guy from England.
02:15:30.000 Justin... 1.00
02:15:31.000 What the fuck's his name? 1.00
02:15:33.000 Goddamn. 1.00
02:15:33.000 The mechanic. 1.00
02:15:34.000 The fuck's his name? 1.00
02:15:36.000 Jason Statham. 1.00
02:15:38.000 Jason Statham.
02:15:39.000 Sorry, sorry.
02:15:39.000 So the other night, about a month ago, the mechanic is on.
02:15:42.000 There's nothing else on.
02:15:43.000 And I said to myself, you know what?
02:15:45.000 How can I put down a movie I haven't seen, eh?
02:15:49.000 And let me just take the Charles Bronson notion off.
02:15:51.000 It might be a good movie.
02:15:52.000 Right. 0.99
02:15:53.000 Are you fucking kidding me? 0.99
02:15:54.000 Did you get mad at it? 0.99
02:15:55.000 Oh.
02:15:57.000 15 minutes in.
02:15:58.000 Because that's the beauty of the mechanic.
02:16:00.000 If you watch the original mechanic, it's the beginning.
02:16:02.000 It's the longest dragged out scene of all time.
02:16:05.000 It's one of the best hits you'll ever see on film.
02:16:06.000 where he breaks into the guy's house and puts the sleeping pee pills in the thing.
02:16:12.000 And what he does is he puts the gas on and he shoots it so it looks like a fire.
02:16:16.000 Right.
02:16:16.000 He did it very, and that's what I told people, that the mechanic wasn't about a guy blowing up things.
02:16:20.000 It was about a 51-year-old hitman that has to use his traits, and he did everything.
02:16:25.000 He didn't want it to seem like he was shooting you. 0.99
02:16:27.000 He wasn't a fucking act. 0.99
02:16:29.000 Right. 1.00
02:16:29.000 You know, if he would look at your medical records, if you had a weak heart, he'd shoot at your legs so you would have to run. 1.00
02:16:33.000 That's how he killed J. Michael, Vincent's father, in that movie. 0.58
02:16:36.000 I watched that thing with Jason Stram, bro.
02:16:39.000 No.
02:16:40.000 15 minutes, it went right off.
02:16:43.000 No! 0.98
02:16:43.000 It was a little too stylized in the fight scenes and shit like that. 0.98
02:16:47.000 And the kid that played Jan Michael Vinson was trying too much. 0.99
02:16:50.000 Jan Michael Vinson was a cool motherfucker walking into the room. 0.99
02:16:56.000 Microphone. 1.00
02:16:56.000 Charles Bronson was a cool motherfucker walking into the room. 1.00
02:17:00.000 See, I think that guy that played Jan Michael Vincent's role is a good fucking actor. 1.00
02:17:04.000 He's a great actor, but he overdid the role. 0.99
02:17:07.000 Really?
02:17:07.000 Yes, the role wasn't for a kid that was crazy.
02:17:10.000 It was for a kid that was spoiled.
02:17:13.000 Two different vendors.
02:17:14.000 Well, maybe they played it crazy in this movie.
02:17:16.000 No, when you're spoiled, when you're spoiled kid and your parents have a lot of money and you're spoiled like that, that's what he was.
02:17:22.000 You know who he was a badass in?
02:17:24.000 30 Days of Night?
02:17:25.000 Who?
02:17:25.000 That guy, that same guy that played the Jan Michael Vinson character.
02:17:27.000 Oh, sure, I bet he is great in other movies. 1.00
02:17:29.000 Fuck, he's good in that movie, man. 0.99
02:17:31.000 He's a good actor, man. 1.00
02:17:32.000 I don't want them remaking Charles Bronson movies no more.
02:17:34.000 Yeah, I know.
02:17:35.000 No matter what you do, it's like you don't have to remake the movie, man.
02:17:39.000 How about just make another movie about a hitman?
02:17:41.000 Yeah, about a hitman.
02:17:42.000 Yeah, why can't you make another movie about a hitman and just call something else? 1.00
02:17:45.000 That guy's rolling in his fucking grave. 1.00
02:17:46.000 He worked hard to be a scumbag. 1.00
02:17:48.000 And all of a sudden, this guy comes with his pretty face and his shaved head, and all of a sudden, he's fucking shooting people by my mouth. 1.00
02:17:53.000 Fuck you. 1.00
02:17:55.000 I don't want to see that nonsense. 1.00
02:17:56.000 What's up, Joe Rogan?
02:17:57.000 What's up, Joe?
02:17:57.000 Chicago this week.
02:17:59.000 Italian beef sandwiches. 1.00
02:18:00.000 It's going to be off the fucking chain, bitches. 1.00
02:18:03.000 The only tickets that are left, folks, are nosebleeds. 1.00
02:18:05.000 Are you serious?
02:18:06.000 Yeah, that's it.
02:18:06.000 That's all that's left.
02:18:07.000 People know the way back.
02:18:08.000 I guess it's a giant place.
02:18:11.000 It's like 3,200 people or something like that.
02:18:14.000 It's huge.
02:18:15.000 People driving from Detroit. 0.99
02:18:16.000 We're going to have some fucking fun. 0.99
02:18:18.000 We made posters to Mike Maxwell. 0.99
02:18:20.000 They're badass.
02:18:21.000 He's a serious artist. 0.99
02:18:23.000 He's fucking the real deal, MikeMaxwell.com. 1.00
02:18:25.000 MikeMaxwellArt.com is a bad motherfucker. 1.00
02:18:29.000 MikeMaxwellArt on Twitter. 0.99
02:18:30.000 That's his Twitter handle. 0.99
02:18:31.000 He's coming with us and he's going to sign some posters too if you want to get your shit signed. 0.99
02:18:35.000 We'll all sign it. 0.99
02:18:36.000 We'll all sign it.
02:18:37.000 Can I get one? 1.00
02:18:38.000 Yeah, fuck yeah, dawg. 1.00
02:18:39.000 My brother wants when he's crazy. 1.00
02:18:40.000 We're going to have some fun.
02:18:41.000 It's a killer part.
02:18:42.000 The card is sick, man.
02:18:44.000 There's a lot of good fights.
02:18:45.000 The Bisping Chael Sonner fight that we already talked about.
02:18:48.000 Rashad Evans is going to take on Phil Davis. 0.99
02:18:51.000 That's a good fucking fight. 0.99
02:18:52.000 I like that fight a lot. 1.00
02:18:53.000 That's a really interesting fucking fight. 0.98
02:18:56.000 And Damien Maia is going to take on Chris Weidman. 0.99
02:18:59.000 That's a good fight.
02:18:59.000 Weidman took that fight on short notice, but that kid's a stud wrestler who knows how to put people to sleep.
02:19:05.000 You know, he put Tom Lawler to sleep with a fucking, with a garst choke. 1.00
02:19:08.000 He's a killer. 1.00
02:19:10.000 He's a killer. 1.00
02:19:11.000 And you know what? 0.99
02:19:12.000 Matt Serra is a serious jujitsu coach.
02:19:15.000 You know, a lot of people don't remember that Matt Serra... 0.98
02:19:18.000 At one point in time, when he was competing and just straight grappling, was right up there at the top of the fucking heap. 0.54
02:19:25.000 He won a decision over John Jock Machado. 0.98
02:19:28.000 I mean, he submitted a lot of fucking really good dudes. 0.96
02:19:31.000 Sarah was a killer in just straight jiu-jitsu back when he was... 0.98
02:19:35.000 You know, only competing in jiu-jitsu before he...
02:19:38.000 When you get into mixed martial arts, of course, you have to dedicate so much of your time to striking, so much of your time to conditioning, so much of your time to doing all these different things that, you know, your jiu-jitsu game, it doesn't get to express itself the way he's...
02:19:50.000 You know, he's getting involved in a lot of stand-up fights, and, you know, it's sometimes dudes like they...
02:19:55.000 You know, one guy will take you down and hold on to you.
02:19:59.000 It's...
02:20:00.000 You don't get to see it as if, like, it was a straight jiu-jitsu match where one guy's only trying to submit you...
02:20:05.000 And you're trying to submit him.
02:20:06.000 Then you get to really see a guy's jujitsu. 0.98
02:20:08.000 And Matt Serra has some fucking top-line jujitsu. 0.97
02:20:13.000 His jujitsu is really tight, man. 0.97
02:20:15.000 To have a guy like him teaching a guy like Weidman, a guy who's already fought MMA many, many times, won the title, fought some of the best guys. 0.98
02:20:26.000 To have him teaching Weidman, you get a stud wrestler, a guy who has beaten, I believe he fought Phil Davis, or rather wrestled Phil Davis and beat him in a straight wrestling competition, which is fucking crazy. 0.99
02:20:39.000 That's crazy. 0.87
02:20:39.000 Davis is an amazing wrestler. 0.87
02:20:41.000 So Weidman, a killer wrestler, and then on top of that, he's learning submissions, and on top of that, he's just tough as fuck. 0.99
02:20:48.000 Tough as fuck, yeah. 1.00
02:20:49.000 And he's all crazy with Jesus. 1.00
02:20:51.000 He's another one of those dudes. 0.99
02:20:53.000 Oh, that's always crazy.
02:20:54.000 Loves Jesus, and he's super religious.
02:20:56.000 Jesus and Jiu-Jitsu walk hand in hand.
02:20:58.000 Yeah, well, they get that mad belief in themselves.
02:21:00.000 There's something to be said for that. 0.96
02:21:01.000 They used to scare the shit out of me. 0.98
02:21:03.000 When I used to fight religious guys, I used to think that religious guys, they always made me nervous. 1.00
02:21:07.000 They had a kind of confidence that fucking spooked me. 1.00
02:21:10.000 And you can't beat them up, because you feel like they got the inside track of Jesus, so you gotta fucking burn for an extra fucking week. 0.99
02:21:16.000 I wish you could come to Brazil, Joey. 1.00
02:21:17.000 They start burning people.
02:21:18.000 You gotta get a passport. 1.00
02:21:19.000 They start fucking branding shit, like that fucking Tebow had the whole country. 1.00
02:21:24.000 Confused with the Christianity and all that. 1.00
02:21:26.000 How's that working?
02:21:27.000 Denver, are they still in it?
02:21:29.000 They ran into Pontius Pilate.
02:21:31.000 Who's Pontius Pilate? 1.00
02:21:32.000 The motherfucker from New England, Tom Brady. 1.00
02:21:34.000 Dumped his bitch when she was six months pregnant. 1.00
02:21:37.000 Who's that? 1.00
02:21:37.000 And not just dumped a bitch, dumped a fucking hot bitch. 1.00
02:21:40.000 And then jumped on the thing with... 1.00
02:21:42.000 He put the thorns on Tim Tebow's fucking head last week. 0.99
02:21:45.000 And this week, Ray Lewis went up there thinking he was going to the Super Bowl, stab somebody else, but he had to fucking stop him up there, too. 0.99
02:21:51.000 They didn't cover the spread, but they undercame him. 0.98
02:21:53.000 That poor kicker.
02:21:54.000 You see that kicker last night in the Patriot game?
02:21:56.000 Is that what it was?
02:21:57.000 No, it was the Giant games.
02:21:58.000 Giant games.
02:21:59.000 The clobbered?
02:22:00.000 This kicker didn't know he was supposed to go up or something.
02:22:03.000 I don't know what the full story is.
02:22:05.000 So at the last second, he had to run and kick the ball.
02:22:08.000 He was on the sidelines.
02:22:09.000 They couldn't find him or anything.
02:22:11.000 And he missed it.
02:22:12.000 And I think that was the kick that made them lose the Super Bowl or something like that.
02:22:17.000 Oh, my God.
02:22:17.000 You got one job to do and you can't do it.
02:22:19.000 I was looking at that Tom Brady.
02:22:20.000 He looked suicidal.
02:22:21.000 And fans were like, we didn't say anything bad to him because he looked like he was suicidal.
02:22:25.000 It's like what some of the quotes were saying. 1.00
02:22:27.000 Oh, fucking Tom Brady. 1.00
02:22:28.000 Poor guy. 1.00
02:22:33.000 Really?
02:22:34.000 He's 6'5".
02:22:35.000 I didn't know that.
02:22:37.000 I was looking at him last week.
02:22:38.000 And his gift is his hearing.
02:22:40.000 He lets them come around him and swat at him. 0.99
02:22:43.000 And all of a sudden, this fucking thing just... 0.99
02:22:46.000 You don't even see it. 1.00
02:22:47.000 Like, if I was him, I'd go on to MMA because I'd just hammer punch motherfuckers. 1.00
02:22:51.000 That's all I would do. 1.00
02:22:52.000 The Tom Brady hammer punch.
02:22:54.000 Right from here.
02:22:54.000 You want to take me down?
02:22:55.000 Go ahead.
02:22:56.000 I dare you. 1.00
02:22:56.000 I dare you to go for my fucking thing. 1.00
02:22:58.000 I will hit you with a hammer punch that will crush your fucking skull. 1.00
02:23:01.000 Joe, they're putting their hands out. 1.00
02:23:03.000 He's so tall.
02:23:04.000 He stands in the pocket.
02:23:05.000 He don't run.
02:23:06.000 He don't move.
02:23:07.000 And he just watches.
02:23:08.000 And all of a sudden, when that dude's about...
02:23:10.000 Boom! 1.00
02:23:10.000 That fucking thing comes out, man. 1.00
02:23:12.000 And that motherfucker, I mean, he made me a believer a couple years ago, but I was looking at him this week. 1.00
02:23:16.000 He's 6'5", bro. 1.00
02:23:18.000 He ain't no fucking joke, that dude. 0.99
02:23:20.000 When you see the guys around him, he's fucking tall. 1.00
02:23:22.000 He's a big motherfucker and strong. 1.00
02:23:24.000 I was watching him. 1.00
02:23:26.000 He's got some kind of blood.
02:23:27.000 He's eating that Brazilian chick. 1.00
02:23:29.000 That's got to give you something.
02:23:31.000 Does that help?
02:23:31.000 What's that?
02:23:32.000 Eating a Brazilian chick? 1.00
02:23:33.000 That made him a little crazy because she's fucking gotta be crazy. 1.00
02:23:36.000 If I was Giselle Bumbeze, whatever her name is, I did that taxi movie with her. 0.99
02:23:40.000 She was on the side. 1.00
02:23:41.000 I looked at that bitch's ass. 1.00
02:23:42.000 That bitch was a tan, dog. 1.00
02:23:44.000 There was no cellulite in her future. 1.00
02:23:46.000 You understand me?
02:23:47.000 Like her thighs have no cellulite in her future. 1.00
02:23:50.000 She's never gonna have that big Brazil. 0.89
02:23:52.000 Nothing.
02:23:53.000 She is mint. 1.00
02:23:54.000 Mint.
02:23:56.000 Her monkey tastes like pina colada. 1.00
02:23:58.000 When she was in the pussy, they rubbed her with fucking cocoa butter or whatever the fuck they do. 1.00
02:24:02.000 That bitch is banging. 1.00
02:24:04.000 I had to taxi with that bitch. 1.00
02:24:05.000 She was in a plane with us, and when the plane landed, they rushed her off into a security cart and took her away. 1.00
02:24:11.000 Fuck you. 1.00
02:24:11.000 You got to guard that pussy. 1.00
02:24:12.000 I was like... 1.00
02:24:13.000 They put that pussy in a box year-round. 1.00
02:24:15.000 They gotta have a lock and a key and... 1.00
02:24:17.000 Flashlights.
02:24:18.000 You gotta press it.
02:24:18.000 I'll concur.
02:24:19.000 You concur?
02:24:20.000 Open it.
02:24:21.000 You gotta let the air out of the monkey, then take the cage out of the frostbit. 1.00
02:24:24.000 That pussy's the real deal, dog. 1.00
02:24:26.000 What's next for you, Joey? 1.00
02:24:27.000 What's going on?
02:24:28.000 What do you got going on you want to promote?
02:24:30.000 I'm with you the next two weeks. 1.00
02:24:31.000 I got the fucking surgery. 1.00
02:24:32.000 We're doing two gigs. 1.00
02:24:35.000 Vegas, February 3rd, House of Blues.
02:24:38.000 Half sold out already.
02:24:39.000 Get in on it.
02:24:39.000 H-O-B.com.
02:24:40.000 Yeah, you can find it.
02:24:42.000 Just Google it. 1.00
02:24:43.000 And my CD sounds like a motherfucker. 0.99
02:24:44.000 Yeah, what is a CD? It's either you or the priest. 1.00
02:24:47.000 Five dollars on Payloads. 1.00
02:24:49.000 Fucking kill them. 1.00
02:24:50.000 How do we find it? 1.00
02:24:51.000 How do people find it?
02:24:51.000 Just go to Payloads.com.
02:24:53.000 Payloads?
02:24:54.000 Payloads with a Z.com.
02:24:55.000 L-O-A-D-Z. That's it. 1.00
02:24:58.000 Payloads.com.
02:24:59.000 Payloads.com.
02:24:59.000 What are you going to do with all the loads?
02:25:00.000 Payloads.com.
02:25:01.000 And I'll tell you what. 0.98
02:25:03.000 I've never fucking been good at taping anything. 0.97
02:25:07.000 Right. 0.97
02:25:07.000 And I've come to terms with that. 0.97
02:25:09.000 So what I did was I just bought one of those things and took me a month of gigs.
02:25:13.000 Yeah?
02:25:13.000 Didn't say nothing.
02:25:14.000 Just plugged them into the boards.
02:25:16.000 Really? 0.97
02:25:16.000 And I got a set that was so fucking good. 0.97
02:25:19.000 And in the middle of one of my sets, because I was telling a true story, I go, it's either you or the priest. 0.75
02:25:24.000 And Felicia, I told Felicia, and we went to a church while they were doing the church service on Sunday in Lancashire. 0.98
02:25:30.000 And we went up to the fucking priest thing. 0.98
02:25:31.000 Look at the album cover. 1.00
02:25:32.000 It says priest.
02:25:33.000 I went to the confessional.
02:25:34.000 And she took a picture while they went.
02:25:37.000 And the priest is up there.
02:25:38.000 You know, give everybody thanks and praise. 1.00
02:25:40.000 It was a Catholic fucking priest. 1.00
02:25:41.000 So I said, you know what, man? 1.00
02:25:43.000 People always ask me for shit. 0.99
02:25:45.000 I'll sell it for $5 downloads, you know, and that's it. 0.95
02:25:47.000 Can you get it on iTunes?
02:25:49.000 I didn't put it on iTunes yet.
02:25:50.000 I'm trying to get it on iTunes.
02:25:51.000 How do we get it on iTunes?
02:25:52.000 Duncan can teach you that.
02:25:54.000 He does it.
02:25:55.000 He can get it on iTunes?
02:25:56.000 Yeah, we've got to get that on iTunes.
02:25:57.000 We've got to make it easy.
02:25:58.000 I have one on iTunes now, the one live from the three of clubs.
02:26:01.000 It's a men's of men's. 0.99
02:26:02.000 It's good.
02:26:03.000 But this one's really fun.
02:26:04.000 I mean, listen, I don't like watching myself.
02:26:07.000 The other day, I watched myself in the beginning of General Hospital, and they focused on my bald spot. 0.98
02:26:11.000 I fucking turned it off. 0.99
02:26:13.000 That's all I've seen. 0.98
02:26:14.000 By the way, it is on Hulu.com.
02:26:16.000 You can watch General Hospital right now.
02:26:18.000 When you see me walk in, you're going to die.
02:26:22.000 I even died.
02:26:22.000 I was like...
02:26:24.000 Except for the ball spot. 1.00
02:26:25.000 Joey D is a bad motherfucker. 1.00
02:26:26.000 You know what I'm saying? 1.00
02:26:27.000 The ball spot was killing a brother.
02:26:29.000 Are you going to do more?
02:26:30.000 How many are you going to wind up doing?
02:26:31.000 I hope that they write me back in once this guy Sonny leaves because I really had a good time.
02:26:35.000 I got to tell you, I had a good time.
02:26:36.000 Really?
02:26:36.000 It's me.
02:26:37.000 It's me.
02:26:38.000 It's easy.
02:26:38.000 There's no drama and you know where you stand.
02:26:40.000 There's no like PAs telling you, five minutes, come up, you can't.
02:26:44.000 No, there's nothing.
02:26:45.000 I'm always amazed that someone hasn't figured out to put you in a sitcom.
02:26:48.000 It drives me crazy.
02:26:51.000 Or a cartoon, even.
02:26:52.000 You should be the voice of a cartoon in Adventure Time.
02:26:55.000 Once they're getting it, the word's getting out there.
02:26:57.000 We're doing great things.
02:26:58.000 I'm going to do great things this year.
02:27:00.000 Mike Maxwell, make us a cartoon.
02:27:02.000 We're going to do a Death Squad tour, too.
02:27:05.000 We're working on that right now for the spring.
02:27:07.000 We're working on, it'll be everybody that's on the podcast, you know, one of those things.
02:27:12.000 It'll be like, we're trying to do one with Ari, Duncan, Joey, a bunch of us, Kreischer, get as many of us together as we can and hit some theaters.
02:27:21.000 Yeah.
02:27:22.000 Awesome.
02:27:22.000 And we should make it one of those long ones.
02:27:24.000 I've been getting a lot of fucking emails this week and I want you to use your head, people. 0.97
02:27:28.000 Everybody keeps saying that you guys and Joe are going to hang out after the show. 0.99
02:27:31.000 Yeah, but there's only one problem.
02:27:33.000 It's going to be four degrees. 0.99
02:27:34.000 So unless your joint is fucking made out of an igloo or something or fucking non-freeze papers, we'll meet you outside. 0.99
02:27:40.000 It's going to be three degrees. 0.99
02:27:41.000 We really have nowhere to go.
02:27:42.000 So I hope that we do post an after party somewhere.
02:27:44.000 Yeah, we're going to have an after party.
02:27:46.000 We want to see these people.
02:27:47.000 I want to do that thing with Pete the Cop.
02:27:49.000 Pete the Cop offered us some club, and I'll announce it at the actual show.
02:27:54.000 Beautiful.
02:27:55.000 It's going to be 20 degrees.
02:27:56.000 Yeah, that's the best move.
02:27:58.000 Yeah, meet us there.
02:27:59.000 We can't do nothing.
02:27:59.000 That's part of the thing is seeing these people.
02:28:01.000 We'll meet a lot of people, though, inside when we sell the posters, too.
02:28:03.000 Okay, we'll find people.
02:28:04.000 It'll be cool, man.
02:28:05.000 I'm looking forward to it. 0.99
02:28:06.000 Before you leave, did you see that fucking cruise ship? 1.00
02:28:08.000 Oh, my God. 1.00
02:28:08.000 Did you see the Italian cruise ship that sunk? 1.00
02:28:10.000 Do you know a bunch of people are dead?
02:28:12.000 At least 20 people are dead.
02:28:13.000 A bunch of people are missing.
02:28:14.000 Or 12 people are dead.
02:28:16.000 20 people are missing.
02:28:16.000 12 people are dead.
02:28:17.000 They just found two or three more bodies last night.
02:28:19.000 They're exploding holes in it so they can get to more places to find them.
02:28:22.000 And I think there's 15 more.
02:28:23.000 Well, the cruise ship company started calling up the passengers saying that they would offer them 30% off their next vacation with them.
02:28:33.000 That's nice.
02:28:34.000 That's a great discount code. 0.98
02:28:35.000 Can you fucking imagine? 0.98
02:28:37.000 People had to jump into the ocean to save their lives with their children. 0.99
02:28:41.000 They should get free cruise for life.
02:28:43.000 Could you imagine? 1.00
02:28:43.000 I wouldn't go on a fucking cruise ship. 1.00
02:28:45.000 Ever again. 1.00
02:28:46.000 If you fucking paid me. 0.99
02:28:47.000 I went on one time to the cruise to nowhere in New York, 24 hours. 1.00
02:28:51.000 I knew that shit wasn't for fucking me. 1.00
02:28:53.000 It's a trap. 1.00
02:28:54.000 I don't like it at all.
02:28:55.000 Oh, they got great food.
02:28:56.000 They got nothing. 1.00
02:28:57.000 They got fucking all you can eat. 1.00
02:28:58.000 You gotta go out to the galley to smoke dope. 1.00
02:29:01.000 No, no, no, no. 1.00
02:29:02.000 Just leave me on dry fucking land. 0.99
02:29:04.000 I think Anthony Cumia likes going on cruises. 1.00
02:29:07.000 Doesn't he?
02:29:07.000 I don't know.
02:29:08.000 I think he likes just going and getting hammered and going on cruises.
02:29:11.000 I hate it.
02:29:12.000 I can't get it. 1.00
02:29:13.000 But the fucking captain, man. 1.00
02:29:14.000 The captain is totally to blame. 1.00
02:29:16.000 Apparently he just drove it into the rocks. 1.00
02:29:18.000 This crazy asshole. 1.00
02:29:19.000 And he jumped off four hours before the last passenger got off. 1.00
02:29:23.000 This asshole was off. 1.00
02:29:25.000 He just took off. 1.00
02:29:27.000 He crashed the fucking boat. 1.00
02:29:29.000 Could you imagine? 1.00
02:29:30.000 You spend billions of dollars on your cruise line, keeping everything maintained, perfect, and some asshole drives your big floating bus into a rock. 0.98
02:29:39.000 Supposedly, it was the same path that he did every day for years, but he got bored and said there was one part where he just wanted to do something different. 0.98
02:29:49.000 What?!
02:29:49.000 Really?!
02:29:52.000 Because you can track the cruise on this website to see where boats go every single day.
02:29:57.000 Can you imagine the audacity of a company to call you just a few days after, you know, people lost loved ones, there's people missing still.
02:30:06.000 For a company to have the audacity to call you up and say, hey, we're going to offer you 30% off your next cruise.
02:30:12.000 And you know what?
02:30:14.000 The price of that cruise that you just almost died in... 0.99
02:30:18.000 We're going to fucking throw that out the window. 0.99
02:30:19.000 How about that? 0.99
02:30:20.000 We're going to erase that.
02:30:21.000 They're so delusional.
02:30:22.000 They're so detached. 1.00
02:30:24.000 They think those people are ever going to get on a fucking cruise again. 1.00
02:30:28.000 Fuck that, man. 1.00
02:30:30.000 You've got a little piece of metal that's floating over an alien world. 1.00
02:30:34.000 And at any point in time, something can happen, and a hole could get punctured into that thing, and then it sinks to the bottom of that alien world where you can't live.
02:30:42.000 And then what are you in?
02:30:43.000 Then you're in a little floatable raft, bobbing around in shark soup.
02:30:47.000 And all this time, this has happened when Brendan Walsh and Doug Benson have been on this cruise ship with Ween and all these bands and stuff.
02:30:54.000 This happened at the same time while they're online.
02:30:56.000 And you could know Doug's probably stoned as hell.
02:30:58.000 Wait a minute.
02:30:59.000 Doug Benson and Brendan Walsh are on a cruise ship?
02:31:02.000 Yeah, with Weezer and Ween and a bunch of people.
02:31:06.000 It's a Weezer cruise.
02:31:08.000 Really?
02:31:08.000 Yeah, where they're just all in this huge boat together.
02:31:11.000 That actually sounds kind of badass.
02:31:13.000 See, that made a cruise sound alright.
02:31:14.000 If you can get a bunch of cool bands.
02:31:16.000 Imagine Doug just being on that boat with Doug.
02:31:19.000 Because you know you're probably smoking shitloads of weed and you hear about that happening.
02:31:22.000 You're probably like, oh my god, we're on a boat in the middle of...
02:31:25.000 Where are they traveling?
02:31:27.000 I don't know.
02:31:27.000 If you Google Weezer cruise...
02:31:29.000 Are they back yet?
02:31:31.000 I think they came back yesterday.
02:31:33.000 Wow.
02:31:34.000 Alright, let's bring this ship back around the harbor, so to speak.
02:31:37.000 Poor choice of words.
02:31:38.000 No pun intended, quite honestly.
02:31:39.000 Wonka wonka.
02:31:40.000 Just slipped up.
02:31:41.000 Powerful Joe Diaz, as always.
02:31:43.000 I love you, man.
02:31:44.000 See you in Chicago. 0.97
02:31:45.000 It's gonna be fucking off the chain. 0.97
02:31:47.000 I'm training all week. 0.98
02:31:48.000 I'm ready.
02:31:49.000 A pleasure hanging with you, my brother, as always. 0.98
02:31:50.000 Oh, it's going to be fucking great when I eat some Italian sausage sandwiches. 0.94
02:31:53.000 You want to go to dinner with us tonight? 0.98
02:31:54.000 Come to dinner with us.
02:31:55.000 No, no, no.
02:31:55.000 I got to go down to Hollywood tonight.
02:31:56.000 You got sets tonight?
02:31:57.000 Yeah. 1.00
02:31:57.000 You're a fucking savage. 1.00
02:31:59.000 All right, you dirty freaks. 1.00
02:32:00.000 Like I said, Chicago almost sold out. 0.98
02:32:02.000 There's a link on my Twitter page.
02:32:04.000 You can find it somewhere on JoeRogan.net as well.
02:32:07.000 Take a master site.
02:32:09.000 It's almost done.
02:32:10.000 It's just the nosebleed's left. 0.99
02:32:12.000 We're going to have a good fucking time, though. 0.99
02:32:13.000 Good show. 0.99
02:32:13.000 Duncan Trussell, Joe Diaz, and me, we're so excited to be there. 0.99
02:32:16.000 I can't fucking wait.
02:32:17.000 And then, the next night is the UFC on Fox. 0.98
02:32:20.000 I'm fucking fired up for this! 1.00
02:32:22.000 And we'll be there waving at you motherfuckers, you know what I'm saying? 0.99
02:32:25.000 Thank you to The Fleshlight for sponsoring our podcast. 0.98
02:32:27.000 If you go to JoeRogan.net, click on the link for The Fleshlight, enter in the code name ROGAN, you will get 15% off. 0.71
02:32:33.000 Number one, sex toy for me! 0.98
02:32:37.000 Uh... 0.97
02:32:38.000 And thank you also to Onnit.com, O-N-N-I-T.com, the makers of Alpha Brain, Shroom Tech Sport, Shroom Tech Immune, and New Mood.
02:32:49.000 All of them are nootropics.
02:32:50.000 All of them are essentially vitamins for your mind.
02:32:54.000 Please Google Nootropics.
02:32:56.000 Please, please, please educate yourself on the subject before you go and buy anything.
02:33:00.000 If you think about buying it but it's too expensive, I urge you to go buy the recipe in bulk and put it together yourself.
02:33:08.000 Make it yourself.
02:33:08.000 Steal our own ingredients.
02:33:10.000 I welcome it.
02:33:10.000 I want you people to feel happy much more than I want to make money.
02:33:15.000 So if you buy any of this stuff and you don't like it, you get 100% of your money back.
02:33:20.000 It's as clean as I can make it.
02:33:23.000 There's no other way to be more honest about it.
02:33:25.000 That's all we have for you, folks.
02:33:27.000 So go to Onnit.com.
02:33:28.000 Enter in the code name ROGAN.
02:33:30.000 Get yourself 10% off. 0.98
02:33:32.000 Bitches! 1.00
02:33:33.000 This Wednesday, we'll be joined by the one and only, the lovely Mr. Duncan Trussell. 0.99
02:33:38.000 Are you serious?
02:33:39.000 That will kick off the Desk Logo League. 0.99
02:33:43.000 Chicago weekend, bitches. 1.00
02:33:44.000 Chicago! 0.99
02:33:44.000 Can I give a shout out to my sponsors real quick? 0.99
02:33:47.000 Fuck yeah. 0.99
02:33:47.000 Noho CC for all your weed choices. 0.99
02:33:50.000 Divine Wellness for the best edibles in fucking North Hollywood. 0.98
02:33:54.000 And TaintedVisionArt.com. 1.00
02:33:55.000 I love you, motherfucker. 0.99
02:33:56.000 Next week after Chicago, what do you say about you and Felicia? 1.00
02:34:02.000 No, you and Felicia come into the podcast together.
02:34:04.000 Pump up your podcast.
02:34:04.000 Let's do it.
02:34:05.000 Come into Pasadena.
02:34:06.000 We'll do it in Pasadena.
02:34:06.000 Let's do it in Pasadena.
02:34:08.000 Before Vegas.
02:34:09.000 Yes, before Vegas.
02:34:10.000 Which will be February 3rd.
02:34:12.000 Tickets are on sale now at the House of Blues in Vegas.
02:34:16.000 Unfortunately, there's going to be standing room.
02:34:18.000 There's going to be people that have to stand in the back of it.
02:34:20.000 That's all we could get.
02:34:21.000 I hate standing shows.
02:34:23.000 I avoid them like the plague.
02:34:24.000 But it was standing show or no show.
02:34:27.000 We had to go with the standing show.
02:34:29.000 The other place, the Mandalay Bay Theater that we always perform at is being renovated.
02:34:33.000 They're doing some crazy Michael Jackson show there. 0.97
02:34:36.000 We don't even want to talk about Carlos Conduit yet and fucking Nick Diaz. 0.97
02:34:40.000 We'll do that next week. 0.98
02:34:41.000 That's next week. 0.99
02:34:42.000 My head's going to fucking blow up. 0.99
02:34:44.000 Oh, that's going to be spectacular. 0.98
02:34:45.000 Red Band, I love you.
02:34:46.000 We might have to do one with you and Joey for that one.
02:34:48.000 Or you and Eddie, rather.
02:34:49.000 You and Eddie.
02:34:50.000 All right, that's what we'll do next week.
02:34:51.000 Next week, yes. 0.95
02:34:51.000 All right, you dirty freaks, subscribe to The Death Squad on iTunes. 0.95
02:34:55.000 It's number six right now. 0.98
02:34:56.000 Yeah.
02:34:56.000 And that is on The Power of the Brian Callen Show, which is the most recent podcast added to The Death Squad label.
02:35:02.000 And, of course, Ice House Chronicles, which is the second most recent and my favorite podcast of the week.
02:35:09.000 We do that one at the Ice House.
02:35:11.000 We have all the comics come in and sit down.
02:35:13.000 This past week we had Burt Kreischer, Dane Cook, Ari Shafir was on. 1.00
02:35:19.000 It's a fucking, it's a hang. 0.99
02:35:20.000 It's a real look into the green room, completely uncensored. 1.00
02:35:24.000 It's the real deal.
02:35:25.000 It's really comics hanging out before the show, and then we jump up at the Ice House, which is one of the oldest and most respected clubs in the country.
02:35:34.000 It happens to be in Pasadena, California.
02:35:35.000 That's where we do our thing.
02:35:37.000 Okay.
02:35:37.000 Deathsquad.tv.
02:35:38.000 Deathsquad.tv.
02:35:39.000 We'll see you guys on Wednesday.
02:35:41.000 Thanks for tuning in.
02:35:42.000 Thanks for everything.
02:35:43.000 Thanks for all the positive tweets and all the love and all the energy. 1.00
02:35:46.000 Love you, motherfuckers. 1.00
02:35:46.000 We love you from the bottom of my heart. 1.00
02:35:48.000 This is a movement. 0.99
02:35:49.000 We're all a part of this shit together. 0.99
02:35:51.000 The reason why this works is because of you guys. 1.00
02:35:54.000 It's all together.
02:35:55.000 We respect you.
02:35:56.000 We appreciate it.
02:35:57.000 I love it.
02:35:58.000 We tweet everything that we find that's cool. 0.99
02:36:00.000 We're all connected together in this motherfucker. 1.00
02:36:02.000 Let's keep it together, bitches. 1.00