The Joe Rogan Experience - January 25, 2012


Joe Rogan Experience #179 - Duncan Trussell

Topics
Cave of Forgotten Dreams crazy ideas human flesh wallet market bad trips Chuck Liddell knockouts acid trip vampire heroic actions energy vampires ego dissolution phone conversations Death Squad Death Squad podcast subscription
Hosted by
Joe Rogan
Guests
Duncan Trussell
Mentioned
Charles Duncan Trussell Brian Howell Dana White Clayton Morris Chuck Liddell Joey Diaz Dude Brian Allen Death Squad Doug Benson McKenna Ronald Morrissey Rosie O'Donnell Bert Kreischer George Foreman Kurt Cobain Hitler Steven Yogi Ramacharaka Timothy Leary and 70 more
Joe Rogan Experience #178 - Joey Diaz Joe Rogan Experience #180 - Joey Diaz, Eddie Bravo, Denny Prokopos

Episode Stats


Length

2 hours and 39 minutes

Words per minute

195.67

Word count

31,219

Sentence count

3,516

Harmful content

Misogyny

108

sentences flagged

Toxicity

1,240

sentences flagged

Hate speech

88

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

Duncan Trussell and Joe Rogan talk about sex and the weirdest things they've ever done to each other's buttholes. Also, Joe's phone accidentally died and he can't figure out how to get it back up and running. Joe also talks about how he's going to make a new sex toy that looks like a butthole, but is actually made of a girl's butt hole. And he tells the story of the first time he ever had sex in a box. Also, he talks about the smell of sex you get when you open a box and how it smells like an alien spaceship. It's a gross story, but it's a good gross story. Joe and Duncan also talk about the worst sex they ve ever had, and why they don't want to have sex in the shower anymore. This episode is brought to you by The Fleshlight. If you go to JoeRogan.net, click on the link for the code ROGAN and enter in the code "ROGAN" and you will get 15% off the most popular sex toy for men, the Fleshlight! You will also get 20% off your first purchase when you enter the code name "Rogan" at checkout. You can't ask for more than $15 and you won't have to pay more than 25% off of your purchase. The Fleshlights is the best sex toy on the market. They make the sex toys in the world. and they make them in the best way you can make you feel the most comfortable and comfortable and safe. in the most intimate and comfortable. you can t ask for better than you'll feel like you're getting the most amazing experience you'll ever feel like it's ever had in your first experience with them, and they'll be the most authentic, authentic, and it's the best you'll be able to feel like that's anywhere else on the best place you'll get it anywhere else in the whole world, anywhere else they'll get the most realistic chance to experience it, anywhere you go, they're gonna get the best of it's gonna be the best, they'll make it, it's not even better than that, you'll have it, you're gonna feel it, they've got it, too, it'll be there, and you'll know it, right they're going to be the only place you can get it, no matter how authentic and authentic and they're not going to care about it.

Transcript

Transcripts from "The Joe Rogan Experience" are sourced from the Knowledge Fight Interactive Search Tool. Explore them interactively here.
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
Topics generated with Qwen2.5-3B-Instruct.
Hosts, guests, and mentioned names generated with spaCy (en_core_web_sm), reconciled against Wikidata.
00:00:00.000 It's just started.
00:00:01.000 Did you start already?
00:00:02.000 Yeah.
00:00:03.000 How dare you, man?
00:00:04.000 I'm tweeting it.
00:00:05.000 Hold on, sorry.
00:00:06.000 People are going to have to hear me tweet.
00:00:08.000 Here we go.
00:00:10.000 Here we go again on the Twitter.
00:00:14.000 HTTP. Tap any numbers on the keyboard.
00:00:19.000 Duncan, go for it, baby.
00:00:20.000 Say it.
00:00:21.000 Come on, Duncan, sing along.
00:00:22.000 I don't know that song.
00:00:23.000 The Twitter...
00:00:24.000 Dude, I forgot my phone at home.
00:00:26.000 The Twitter...
00:00:27.000 You forgot your phone at home. 0.99
00:00:28.000 Yeah, I feel so fucking naked right now. 1.00
00:00:30.000 Oh, dude, you should never do that. 0.99
00:00:31.000 It's awful.
00:00:32.000 At least I just tracked it online, so I'm keeping an eye on it.
00:00:34.000 So it's kind of like looking at photos of my family.
00:00:37.000 It feels good that I know it's still alive.
00:00:41.000 I see it on Google Maps and it's doing a little false.
00:00:44.000 I'm like, my phone's still alive.
00:00:45.000 That's so weird.
00:00:47.000 Somebody just tweeted, what are the odds that Joe Rogan and Duncan Trussell got so high and are now having an amazing conversation without the podcast running?
00:00:54.000 It's true.
00:00:54.000 I'm going to tweet that with 100%.
00:00:57.000 Let's just plow through this commercial real quick so we can get started.
00:01:01.000 The Joe Rogan Experience podcast is brought to you by, I said Podcat, didn't I? Podcats.
00:01:06.000 Podcast is brought to you by the Fleshlights.
00:01:09.000 If you go to JoeRogan.net, click on the link for the Fleshlight and enter in the code name ROGAN. You will get 15% off the number one sex toy for men.
00:01:17.000 Duncan, you're going to enjoy. 0.91
00:01:19.000 I've got a new one for you.
00:01:20.000 Excellent.
00:01:21.000 What is it?
00:01:22.000 I'll give it to you later.
00:01:24.000 Really? 1.00
00:01:24.000 Some girl's butthole or something. 1.00
00:01:26.000 Is it the Iron Lady's butthole? 1.00
00:01:27.000 It looks good. 0.99
00:01:28.000 Whoever, it looks like a great little butthole. 0.99
00:01:30.000 You're going to love it. 0.98
00:01:30.000 Yeah. 0.98
00:01:31.000 How do you know it's a girl's butthole? 1.00
00:01:33.000 Well, they say they model them after the girl's butthole. 1.00
00:01:35.000 It looks like a butthole. 1.00
00:01:37.000 Yeah, they do the vagina, they do the butthole. 1.00
00:01:39.000 They actually make a mold of their pussy. 1.00
00:01:42.000 That's why a lot of these freaks, like these porn star chicks, they have their own fleshlights. 1.00
00:01:47.000 And it's like molded after their own box. 1.00
00:01:49.000 So there's a professional pussy mold or something. 1.00
00:01:52.000 Yeah, it looks on the outside like exactly what their box looks like. 0.99
00:01:55.000 That's the weirdest joke.
00:01:57.000 I'm 18 back in Boston.
00:02:00.000 I want to get inside a box.
00:02:03.000 That's what dudes used to say a lot. 1.00
00:02:06.000 That always seemed like the worst description of a vagina. 1.00
00:02:10.000 It's the least geometric shape on the planet. 0.99
00:02:12.000 Yeah, her box. 1.00
00:02:13.000 The last thing you want to fuck is a box. 1.00
00:02:15.000 Yeah, what is that? 1.00
00:02:17.000 When did you get inside her? 0.99
00:02:18.000 Boston was a mess anyway.
00:02:19.000 Did they do that when you were young?
00:02:21.000 Was that box? 0.91
00:02:21.000 No, but I can remember getting sex. 0.91
00:02:25.000 My mom was a psychologist, so she gave me a sex book when I was trying to learn about sex, and it was lists of the slang for pussy. 0.99
00:02:34.000 Wow. 0.99
00:02:34.000 And I remember getting to box. 0.99
00:02:36.000 Wow. 1.00
00:02:36.000 And it was like wrecking my already vague understanding of what a pussy was. 1.00
00:02:41.000 Because it's like, how is it anything like a box? 0.99
00:02:44.000 That's hilarious.
00:02:44.000 Isn't it more like a bag than a box?
00:02:46.000 It's not like a tube either, but that's what the fleshlight is.
00:02:50.000 It's a tube. 0.98
00:02:51.000 Well, I want to do a fucking puppet show with fleshlights. 1.00
00:02:55.000 That's why I was thinking of taking... 0.99
00:02:57.000 Like a hand puppet show?
00:02:58.000 Yeah, because you can make mouth... 0.97
00:03:01.000 I was thinking about taking the mini fleshlights you've given me and doing some kind of like...
00:03:06.000 Shakespeare performance or something.
00:03:08.000 How many do you have?
00:03:10.000 Well, there's only two now.
00:03:13.000 There's only two now?
00:03:14.000 Well, no, one of them.
00:03:17.000 This is a gross story.
00:03:19.000 I'm not going to tell it.
00:03:20.000 What? 0.57
00:03:20.000 This is a disgusting story. 0.57
00:03:21.000 I didn't clean one out and I left it sitting on top of the shower.
00:03:27.000 This is a gross story.
00:03:30.000 How bad did it smell?
00:03:34.000 The smell is what I imagine the Zerg hives in Starcraft smell like. 0.99
00:03:39.000 It's like this alien...
00:03:42.000 It's like the smell of... 1.00
00:03:43.000 You know when aliens, when they go down into that fucking... 0.99
00:03:46.000 In the very beginning, when they go into the pit where there's all the pods and the thing pops out and lands on the guy's face? 0.98
00:03:51.000 It's in the very beginning of the movie Alien.
00:03:53.000 It's like the coolest scene.
00:03:55.000 That's what an old fleshlight smells like when you open it.
00:03:58.000 It's this kind of alien, pungent, primordial smell.
00:04:02.000 But I opened it up, and man, it was just like black. 1.00
00:04:08.000 The darkest black ooze just kind of dripped out of it.
00:04:12.000 And so I threw that one away, of course.
00:04:15.000 Oh, God.
00:04:15.000 Was it from the blood?
00:04:16.000 You would have to, like, seriously disinfect that with so many chemicals.
00:04:21.000 Holy water. 1.00
00:04:21.000 You would have to worry about those chemicals eventually burning the skin off your dick. 1.00
00:04:25.000 Well, yeah, and some unknown disease, leprosy, a flesh-rotting disease on your penis. 1.00
00:04:31.000 Imagine if that's where it gets born, in the bottom of a fleshlight from some sick fuck that never bothered to clean it, and he tried to fuck it twice. 1.00
00:04:38.000 That's the apocalypse! 1.00
00:04:39.000 Could you imagine?
00:04:40.000 That's the end of the world. 0.98
00:04:42.000 The one, the one fleshlight that'll be told about on fucking big stone tablets 10,000 years from now. 0.96
00:04:49.000 We've traced it back to a fleshlight! 0.86
00:04:51.000 Oh, and there's only a few people survived.
00:04:54.000 Only like from one particular area of Ethiopia were able to handle it. 1.00
00:04:59.000 Well, what a fucking... 1.00
00:05:00.000 Everybody else dead. 1.00
00:05:01.000 I mean, a fleshlight is truly a breeding ground for bacteria if you consider...
00:05:05.000 Especially if you keep it in like the balmy atmosphere of your shower. 0.99
00:05:08.000 Because you're combining fucking... 0.99
00:05:11.000 You're combining so many bad elements in that thing. 1.00
00:05:14.000 And heat, mixing with heat.
00:05:16.000 Moisture, and who knows what's in the water supply.
00:05:19.000 DNA. You have life precursors in there.
00:05:23.000 It could sprout a new life. 1.00
00:05:25.000 Jesus fucking Christ. 1.00
00:05:26.000 A new life form. 1.00
00:05:27.000 Why not, right?
00:05:28.000 Yeah.
00:05:28.000 I mean, we poo-poo that, but could you imagine if it was that easy?
00:05:31.000 Can you imagine if your loads on their own could make people...
00:05:34.000 They just grow like mushrooms or something?
00:05:36.000 Could you imagine?
00:05:36.000 I mean, we know that you have to interact with a woman and make eggs, you know, crack eggs and make babies that way.
00:05:42.000 But imagine if that wasn't the case.
00:05:44.000 Imagine if every time you came, it made people. 1.00
00:05:47.000 Imagine if people came out of your dick. 1.00
00:05:48.000 And there's just people everywhere. 1.00
00:05:50.000 Everywhere!
00:05:50.000 They're like getting stepped on.
00:05:52.000 The little ones never get to be adults.
00:05:53.000 I mean, we take it for granted that the process is male and female.
00:05:58.000 And that that's the only way to create life.
00:06:00.000 I mean, life is crazy enough as it is to think that it could have been in some bizarre... 0.99
00:06:07.000 Gonzo parallel universe that it's possible to just create life with your dick and every time you come, boom, people. 0.99
00:06:13.000 A person. 0.99
00:06:14.000 Boom, boom, people.
00:06:14.000 That would be a very overpopulated universe just for me alone.
00:06:18.000 Could you fucking imagine people screaming at you because you're beating off? 1.00
00:06:21.000 You fuckhead! 1.00
00:06:22.000 What are you doing? 1.00
00:06:23.000 People piling on top of people everywhere and then you catch someone beating off. 0.99
00:06:26.000 Will you fucking stop it? 0.99
00:06:28.000 They're just making people. 0.99
00:06:30.000 That's what people would do.
00:06:31.000 We wouldn't make so many people.
00:06:33.000 If that was the case, there would be so many people that the world would cave in.
00:06:37.000 There would be no more room.
00:06:38.000 It couldn't work.
00:06:39.000 People would just eat the people in front of them.
00:06:40.000 We'd run out of resources.
00:06:41.000 Yeah, we'd be just eating each other.
00:06:43.000 Eating the people in front of us. 0.99
00:06:44.000 Eating and jerking off and making more. 0.99
00:06:46.000 At what point can overpopulation exist? 0.98
00:06:49.000 I mean, if there's no structure, right?
00:06:51.000 If you took all the people in New York City with no structures, no buildings, and just piled them on top of each other.
00:06:56.000 Yes.
00:06:58.000 How much room is there?
00:07:00.000 How much room is there?
00:07:01.000 At what point in time? 0.99
00:07:03.000 Could you fucking imagine? 0.98
00:07:04.000 You're asking how many people would it take to cover the planet in just a complete mat of people? 0.98
00:07:11.000 If just every time someone came, a person was born.
00:07:15.000 How long before the planet just looked like an octopus swarming with freaks...
00:07:21.000 No one would stop.
00:07:22.000 We wouldn't stop. 0.99
00:07:23.000 We would not stop jerking off. 0.99
00:07:25.000 We would have entire continents covered. 1.00
00:07:28.000 And you'd come up with a good reason why you're jerking off. 0.99
00:07:31.000 You'd rationalize. 1.00
00:07:33.000 What the fuck? 1.00
00:07:34.000 I gotta do what I gotta do with my man. 1.00
00:07:37.000 Bang! 1.00
00:07:37.000 That's a new baby. 1.00
00:07:38.000 The government would get involved though and make you so you can't cum. 1.00
00:07:41.000 They would start neutering you at birth. 0.99
00:07:43.000 Who would be the government?
00:07:44.000 There'd be swarms of people.
00:07:45.000 It would be unmanageable.
00:07:46.000 There'd be no government.
00:07:47.000 No buildings.
00:07:48.000 Forget about it.
00:07:49.000 We would have never even built buildings if it was possible.
00:07:52.000 We would have never figured out anything.
00:07:54.000 If that was how you could come and make a person...
00:07:57.000 It'd be like grass.
00:07:58.000 It'd be like grass.
00:07:59.000 Yeah, it would be everywhere.
00:08:00.000 Kudzu.
00:08:01.000 Yeah. 0.99
00:08:02.000 Ridiculous.
00:08:02.000 Anyway, go to JoeRogan.net, click on the link for the flashlight, enter the code name Rogan, and you get 15% off.
00:08:10.000 Number one sex toy for men. 0.92
00:08:12.000 Best commercial ever. 0.96
00:08:13.000 That was the best one we ever did.
00:08:14.000 People complain about those.
00:08:15.000 I'm like, come on, man.
00:08:16.000 I forgot.
00:08:17.000 We're freeballing.
00:08:18.000 We're just having fun.
00:08:20.000 Let us just do this little business thing.
00:08:22.000 We're also brought to you by...
00:08:24.000 Wait, wait, wait.
00:08:24.000 And if you don't want to buy a flashlight, don't buy it.
00:08:26.000 Just make your own.
00:08:27.000 Yeah.
00:08:28.000 How can you do that?
00:08:29.000 Easily.
00:08:30.000 Melons.
00:08:30.000 Melons, fruits.
00:08:31.000 But they're not going to be as good as the flashlight. 0.99
00:08:33.000 If you're looking to masturbate, it's a fucking solid tool. 0.99
00:08:36.000 There's probably some shit you can do with Jell-O and Gumby. 1.00
00:08:38.000 It won't be as good as the fleshlight. 0.99
00:08:39.000 They got it down. 0.99
00:08:41.000 Whatever that polymer is that they use to make the vagina, it's fucking outstanding. 1.00
00:08:44.000 They spent a long time researching that. 0.99
00:08:46.000 Two thumbs up.
00:08:46.000 Yeah, they did.
00:08:47.000 They have a great product. 0.99
00:08:49.000 People are embarrassed about the fact they like to masturbate. 1.00
00:08:52.000 How many uncomfortable fleshlights did that guy fuck before he came upon that one? 1.00
00:08:56.000 Jesus Christ. 1.00
00:08:57.000 Could you imagine that poor weirdo?
00:09:00.000 This one's made out of rock.
00:09:01.000 Nah.
00:09:04.000 Who had to test them?
00:09:06.000 Did they test them with fingers first?
00:09:08.000 No, I don't. 1.00
00:09:08.000 You don't want to be crazy and just shove your dick right into this new retro model. 1.00
00:09:13.000 You don't want to do that. 1.00
00:09:17.000 They must have tested them out.
00:09:18.000 They used animals.
00:09:20.000 They used animals? 1.00
00:09:21.000 They let animals fuck them? 1.00
00:09:22.000 No, they didn't. 1.00
00:09:23.000 You're just making shit up, man. 1.00
00:09:27.000 Ultimately, the dude had to fuck a lot of different substances in order to create that perfect vagina. 1.00
00:09:33.000 I mean, how do you describe that? 1.00
00:09:34.000 If you're trying to make it and you're bringing it to a factory, this is what I'm looking for. 0.99
00:09:38.000 Something like a fuck. 0.99
00:09:40.000 I'd like to see the moment when he found it. 1.00
00:09:42.000 This is it!
00:09:43.000 Yeah, it came like five times that last line.
00:09:47.000 Well...
00:09:49.000 Yeah, what a weird thing to invent.
00:09:52.000 But he did an awesome job.
00:09:53.000 However the process was of making light of it.
00:09:56.000 He needs to write about how it came about.
00:09:59.000 That's an interesting thing to know.
00:10:01.000 Well, I think the dude who invented it, his wife was pregnant when he invented it, and he couldn't have sex. 0.74
00:10:09.000 So they figured out he was a resourceful fella.
00:10:13.000 See that?
00:10:13.000 Yeah.
00:10:14.000 That's what you need, man.
00:10:15.000 If you want to invent something good, you've got to be pushed.
00:10:18.000 You've got to be pushed.
00:10:19.000 Pushed in a corner.
00:10:20.000 Yeah.
00:10:20.000 And then you go for the box.
00:10:22.000 Stick your right in the box.
00:10:30.000 Worst description. 1.00
00:10:31.000 That description started with a guy who had his wife had a deformed pussy. 1.00
00:10:35.000 We're also brought to you by Onnit.com, O-N-N-I-T, makers of AlphaBrain, the cognitive enhancing supplement, Shroom Tech Immune. 1.00
00:10:44.000 So you use the Shroom Tech Immune?
00:10:45.000 You're saying it's pretty bad?
00:10:46.000 I seem like I'm a fucking shill because I'm agreeing to everything here, but I've used these things. 0.97
00:10:51.000 The shroom tech, yeah, when I'm starting to get sick, I eat it and I get better. 0.96
00:10:56.000 I'm sorry, the stuff really works.
00:10:58.000 It's great for just to keep your immune system strong, apparently.
00:11:01.000 The way it works is there's something in it that makes your body think that it's like a disease, like a bug.
00:11:07.000 Like an ant.
00:11:08.000 Yeah, whatever.
00:11:09.000 There's an intruder.
00:11:10.000 So your immune system fires up for a fight that never takes place. 0.98
00:11:13.000 It's a pretty fucking sporty thing if it works like that. 0.92
00:11:17.000 There's also Alpha Brain Shroom Tech Sport, which is the Cordyceps Mushroom Sports Endurance Supplement. 0.93
00:11:25.000 And this is only for people who are really into working out. 0.99
00:11:28.000 If you're not into working out, don't fuck with it. 0.99
00:11:31.000 Brian doesn't fuck with that. 1.00
00:11:32.000 Nah, I don't need it. 0.99
00:11:33.000 My Fitbit?
00:11:35.000 Your little thing that you wear?
00:11:36.000 Tell me what it is for people who don't know what you're talking about.
00:11:40.000 It's this little thing you snap onto you and it counts your steps.
00:11:44.000 Every time you go up and down stairs, it measures out what that would be in distance.
00:11:49.000 It just pretty much tracks everything you do physically.
00:11:52.000 Then at night you wear it and it tells you how long you sleep, how many times you wake up in the middle of the night.
00:11:58.000 Then it graphs it on this nice page on their website and then you start having a Facebook page of what your Fitbit is.
00:12:03.000 It's really weird.
00:12:04.000 It's like Twitter weird.
00:12:06.000 We have these stats.
00:12:07.000 Right now, my only friend is Bert Kreischer. 0.99
00:12:10.000 I look at his and he kicks ass. 0.99
00:12:12.000 My shit's barely registering on the graph and my battery life is seven times longer than Bert's. 1.00
00:12:18.000 That's like a new way to stalk people. 0.99
00:12:21.000 You can stalk them deep if you can be their exercise buddy.
00:12:25.000 You get a constant readout I bet the readout is being sent to the government also.
00:12:30.000 That's going to be the thing, man.
00:12:31.000 You're going to have to put your information out there so people know what your heart rate is at every moment.
00:12:35.000 Wow.
00:12:36.000 They have this thing that tweets your weight.
00:12:39.000 They have a scale that tweets your weight.
00:12:41.000 And that's supposed to keep you motivated to lose weight.
00:12:45.000 Well, eventually it's going to be more than that.
00:12:47.000 If you have something on, it tweets it every time you get on it.
00:12:50.000 Yeah.
00:12:50.000 So you can't even stop it.
00:12:52.000 Yeah, that's it.
00:12:53.000 I don't like that.
00:12:54.000 That's pretty brutal.
00:12:55.000 It's brutal.
00:12:56.000 That's pretty brutal.
00:12:56.000 People know when you're gaining weight and you start getting...
00:12:59.000 That's brutal, man. 0.99
00:13:00.000 But like we were saying, like about the invention of the fleshlight, if you want real change to happen, change comes from fucking suffering. 0.96
00:13:07.000 Change comes from being in a place that you don't want to be in. 0.91
00:13:09.000 I mean, you could do it other ways, but generally it comes from getting backed into a corner.
00:13:13.000 Yeah, you gotta straighten up. 0.98
00:13:15.000 You gotta get your shit together. 0.96
00:13:16.000 You gotta fight back. 0.99
00:13:17.000 That's it.
00:13:18.000 And that's why people get enthusiastic about things and start companies and get crazy.
00:13:22.000 I mean, it's always like a big burst of enthusiasm.
00:13:25.000 I could never murder somebody while wearing a Fitbit, I just realized.
00:13:28.000 Why?
00:13:29.000 Because they would know.
00:13:30.000 They would be able to see it.
00:13:31.000 Yeah, because it shows you when you're extremely working out and it has like red graphs and stuff.
00:13:36.000 Stop thinking about murdering people.
00:13:38.000 Or I could put it on somebody that, you know... 0.95
00:13:41.000 Isn't, like, sleeping. 0.90
00:13:43.000 Like, I could put on my mom and then go out in the middle of the night and murder people and come back and take off my mom.
00:13:47.000 They're not going to accept your Fitbit in the court.
00:13:49.000 They could use that as evidence, I would imagine.
00:13:52.000 Well, they could also use it as evidence that your resting heart rate went from 70 to, you know, 82 or whatever.
00:13:58.000 Weird.
00:13:59.000 I did a review on DeathSquad.tv, Fitbit.
00:14:03.000 You're really into it, huh?
00:14:05.000 I can see what it's like when I started using Twitter for the first time.
00:14:08.000 There's something there.
00:14:09.000 There's some kind of weird...
00:14:11.000 This is the next step, right?
00:14:12.000 This is the next piece of connectivity.
00:14:13.000 This is turning your body into an Xbox when it comes to fitness. 0.99
00:14:18.000 Fitbit's fucking badass, man. 0.98
00:14:20.000 Wow, that's a great idea. 0.99
00:14:22.000 Wow, that's kind of interesting.
00:14:24.000 Yeah.
00:14:25.000 And of course, you're going to be like, have the most friends of Fitbit world because you're going to be working out so extreme.
00:14:31.000 And everyone, that would be like, you're not like, instead of Dane Cook having five million friends on Twitter, that you would have the most extreme, you have the most like red graph, like you worked out the hardest.
00:14:42.000 Or a lot of dudes beating off to my account. 1.00
00:14:45.000 Could be that too.
00:14:47.000 And the person that sleeps the best would be some kind of weird wizard of Fitbit role.
00:14:53.000 We should have talked about this on the podcast. 0.98
00:14:55.000 Let's just get this fucking commercial over with. 0.99
00:14:57.000 Just go to onnit.com. 0.99
00:14:59.000 I'm tired of talking about this stuff.
00:15:00.000 Here's how I feel about it.
00:15:02.000 We can't make this any nicer. 0.98
00:15:03.000 And by the way, we had to change a rule because some people are cunts. 0.97
00:15:06.000 We used to say that if you buy something and you don't like it, you could send it back. 0.94
00:15:10.000 Or you don't even have to send it back.
00:15:12.000 We'll give you 100% money back Guarantee.
00:15:15.000 But people were buying like 10 bottles and then they would take like three of them and go, yeah, I'm not really into this.
00:15:22.000 And so then they would sell the rest on eBay.
00:15:25.000 So they would get their refund and then they would sell it on eBay.
00:15:28.000 Unbelievable. 0.98
00:15:29.000 People are such twats. 0.97
00:15:30.000 That was a good idea. 0.99
00:15:32.000 No, it was a good idea.
00:15:33.000 They took advantage of our hospitality.
00:15:35.000 So now it's only the first 30 pills.
00:15:37.000 And you should be able to figure out within 30 pills.
00:15:39.000 I mean, you know, a lot of people say, how much can you tell the difference between when you're eating multivitamins and when you're not eating multivitamins?
00:15:49.000 I can tell.
00:15:50.000 I can tell.
00:15:51.000 There's this subtle thing. 1.00
00:15:52.000 But I'm really in tune with my shit. 0.99
00:15:54.000 I eat healthy. 1.00
00:15:55.000 I work out a lot.
00:15:57.000 I take supplements.
00:15:58.000 I know what gets me and what doesn't.
00:16:00.000 But there's some people, man, that don't know.
00:16:02.000 You can give them things and they're not sure.
00:16:04.000 Is this my multivitamin working?
00:16:05.000 I don't know.
00:16:06.000 Is it working?
00:16:08.000 They're not in tune with their body so much.
00:16:11.000 If you're not really athletic, if you don't push your body to extremes and you don't eat healthy and clean, I think a lot of people, there's a missing amount of communication.
00:16:21.000 There's not an intimacy with your body.
00:16:24.000 I think when you're feeling bad, you kind of get good at numbing it out or ignoring it.
00:16:28.000 They've shut down their ability to feel bad.
00:16:32.000 To really honestly appraise their health. 0.99
00:16:35.000 If you're out of shape and you're fucking smoking all the time and you're drinking all the time, I speak from experience. 0.88
00:16:41.000 If you get into a jag of living like that, after a certain amount of time, you just start tuning out the weird pains in your body. 0.99
00:16:49.000 You just start ignoring it because it's just the truth. 0.99
00:16:53.000 And the truth is you can't constantly fucking eat like shit and smoke and drink. 1.00
00:16:58.000 And that end up with you at the other end of that feeling great. 1.00
00:17:01.000 Yeah.
00:17:02.000 It's so important to take a variety of different things that are good for your health, in my opinion.
00:17:09.000 You should really eat a lot of healthy vegetables.
00:17:12.000 That's one of the most important things. 0.84
00:17:14.000 One of the strongest things I've ever done is increase the amount of green, beefy vegetables in my diet and drink kale shakes and shit like that. 0.95
00:17:22.000 Take multivitamins, please. 0.92
00:17:24.000 It's not hard. 0.96
00:17:25.000 It's fucking easy, and it'll make you healthier. 0.97
00:17:29.000 It will make you feel better. 0.99
00:17:31.000 Eat good food, you know, and look into nootropics. 0.99
00:17:35.000 If you're not into any of the shit that we have at Onnit.com, there's plenty of other people that have cool shit available. 0.98
00:17:41.000 So we try to make it as easy and as clean as possible. 0.99
00:17:45.000 I'm way more concerned, and I say this every fucking time, because it's true. 0.88
00:17:50.000 I'm way more concerned with not ripping people off than I am with making money. 1.00
00:17:55.000 So, that's the end of that fucking horse shit. 1.00
00:18:00.000 Press the button. 1.00
00:18:01.000 Let's start the show!
00:18:02.000 Duncan Trussell's here!
00:18:04.000 Hey everybody!
00:18:06.000 I cut way back on my coffee consumption, but I have found that coffee and the show go well together. but I have found that coffee and the show go I think they're important.
00:18:25.000 And I'll just keep spitting information out.
00:18:30.000 What are you doing with that echo, man?
00:18:31.000 You're killing me.
00:18:32.000 It won't go away. 0.97
00:18:33.000 I'm waiting for it.
00:18:34.000 It won't go away, period. 0.71
00:18:36.000 That's what it's like to be crazy, man.
00:18:38.000 That's how it feels like when you're tripping, like you smoke too much weed and you start having a panic attack.
00:18:42.000 Is that still going on?
00:18:43.000 It's almost gone.
00:18:44.000 Okay, it's almost gone.
00:18:45.000 Why is it on such a delay? 0.98
00:18:48.000 It's just a weird, stupid special effect that I do. 0.96
00:18:51.000 Do you always do the same one? 0.99
00:18:53.000 No.
00:18:53.000 It doesn't usually go that long.
00:18:54.000 I usually mix it up.
00:18:55.000 Does this make you feel better when you do these things?
00:18:57.000 No, it's just a cool intro, you know?
00:19:00.000 Might as well start off with a weird, creepy noise.
00:19:02.000 Come on, man.
00:19:03.000 Duncan, trust us here.
00:19:04.000 We don't have to get any weirder or creepier.
00:19:06.000 I'm not creepy!
00:19:07.000 Hey, everybody, guys!
00:19:09.000 Not creepy in a bad way, brother.
00:19:11.000 Creepy in the best possible way.
00:19:13.000 You know I love you.
00:19:14.000 We all love you.
00:19:15.000 I love you guys.
00:19:18.000 We're doing the Chicago Theater this Friday night. 0.94
00:19:22.000 Fucking super fired up. 0.99
00:19:23.000 Duncan and me and Joey Coco motherfucking Diaz in the flesh. 1.00
00:19:29.000 If you have never had a chance to see Joey Diaz live, you're going to shit yourself. 0.99
00:19:34.000 That guy, dude, he hits moments. 1.00
00:19:37.000 He hits moments on stage where it's just ridiculous shit that he says. 1.00
00:19:41.000 It just makes you repeat what he said over and over and over again. 1.00
00:19:45.000 He's one of those dudes, when Joey really rocks it on stage, he'll say something so fucking completely preposterous and so out of control that you'll just be repeating it. 0.99
00:19:58.000 You'll be like, he's fucking what?! 0.99
00:20:00.000 You'll just repeat what he said over and over again.
00:20:03.000 Because you had to re-register in your head almost.
00:20:04.000 Did I really just hear that? 1.00
00:20:06.000 He's fucking that transvestite joke. 1.00
00:20:09.000 What's that? 1.00
00:20:10.000 One of the greatest jokes anybody's ever told on stage. 0.69
00:20:13.000 He goes, I like transvestites. 1.00
00:20:15.000 They cook. 0.91
00:20:16.000 They clean.
00:20:16.000 You can beat on them every once in a while.
00:20:18.000 The cops come.
00:20:19.000 Who are they going to believe?
00:20:20.000 Me or some dude with a wig and a black eye.
00:20:23.000 There's no support groups for these people.
00:20:26.000 The cops come, who are they going to believe?
00:20:28.000 Me, a soot boot, a wig, and a black eye?
00:20:33.000 That's just poetry, man.
00:20:36.000 To me, that's poetry.
00:20:37.000 The amount of words used, the structure of it. 1.00
00:20:42.000 He's a fucking animal, dude. 1.00
00:20:45.000 Joey Diaz is an animal. 1.00
00:20:47.000 He's so funny, man.
00:20:49.000 We had him on the podcast the other day, dude.
00:20:51.000 He can talk about anything.
00:20:53.000 Toothpicks. 1.00
00:20:54.000 I know a fucking dude who made toothpicks. 0.99
00:20:55.000 I'm going to tell you about this guy. 1.00
00:20:57.000 There's a fucking crazy story about a toothpick factory and this chick was sucking everybody's dick. 1.00
00:21:03.000 You know what I'm saying? 1.00
00:21:04.000 So Papa had to get his. 0.99
00:21:08.000 Toothpick factory story will become some fucking epic drama. 0.98
00:21:11.000 He's the greatest human being that's ever lived. 0.99
00:21:15.000 He's the greatest human being that's ever lived. 0.94
00:21:17.000 I fucking love that guy. 0.66
00:21:19.000 That's one of the most awesome things about living here is that all you guys are here. 0.96
00:21:24.000 It's one of the things that kind of keeps me in this area right now because all you guys are here.
00:21:29.000 It's like we have a lot of cool friends.
00:21:31.000 We have a very unusual situation.
00:21:35.000 We need to all move at the same exact time.
00:21:37.000 Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
00:21:38.000 We need to get together like an Occupy Wall Street thing and be like, alright, we're all moving here at the same time.
00:21:42.000 We gotta be prepared for civil unrest because the government is, okay?
00:21:48.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:21:48.000 So we gotta start thinking, if the shit went down, we need a goddamn ranch somewhere. 1.00
00:21:53.000 Yep. 1.00
00:21:54.000 You know, a ranch somewhere with like a bunch of houses.
00:21:56.000 A castle and a moat, Joe.
00:21:58.000 All live in this nice little farming ranch community until the dust settles.
00:22:02.000 Yeah, you can do that, man.
00:22:04.000 That's attainable.
00:22:05.000 It's good to have a place like that to go to, man.
00:22:07.000 I've got a place like that to go to.
00:22:09.000 Do you?
00:22:09.000 Yeah, I do.
00:22:10.000 Is it in North Carolina?
00:22:11.000 In Nashville, North Carolina?
00:22:13.000 It's in Georgia.
00:22:14.000 I will not reveal the precise location.
00:22:15.000 Is it near the Georgia Guidestones?
00:22:18.000 Oh, I wish it was.
00:22:19.000 No, it's not.
00:22:20.000 It's not near the Georgia Guidestones.
00:22:21.000 I don't know where those are actually, but I'm pretty sure it's not.
00:22:23.000 I don't know where those are either.
00:22:24.000 Let's find out.
00:22:25.000 How are you going to do that?
00:22:27.000 Go ahead, Duncan.
00:22:28.000 I think it's a smart thing to have. 0.97
00:22:31.000 In any fucking house, if you're in a hotel or wherever, it's good to know where to go if there's going to be a fire. 0.96
00:22:37.000 It's the same thing with civilization. 0.99
00:22:40.000 It doesn't make you crazy.
00:22:42.000 It just makes you a normal thinking person.
00:22:46.000 Elbert County.
00:22:47.000 Oh, Elbert County is where them Godstones are. 1.00
00:22:49.000 Elbert County.
00:22:50.000 The Georgia Godstones, a large granite monument in Elbert County, Georgia.
00:22:58.000 Yeah, a message that contains ten guides is inscribed on the structure in eight modern languages, and a shorter message is inscribed at the top of the structure in four ancient language scripts.
00:23:12.000 Babylonian, Classical Greek, Sanskrit, and Egyptian hieroglyphs. 0.99
00:23:17.000 It's pretty intense shit, man. 0.99
00:23:19.000 I mean, this is someone saying, you know, look, if humanity completely falls apart, here's a message. 0.99
00:23:26.000 Get to this stuff.
00:23:27.000 This is crucial information.
00:23:28.000 Somebody should have told him that there's not a lot of people in southern Georgia that speak classical Greek.
00:23:32.000 This is what it says on it.
00:23:33.000 It's really very interesting because it's very wise words.
00:23:36.000 Listen to this.
00:23:37.000 Maintain humanity under 500 million in perpetual balance with nature. 0.96
00:23:43.000 500 million on the whole planet.
00:23:44.000 Good idea.
00:23:45.000 Guide reproduction wisely, improving fitness and diversity.
00:23:50.000 Eugenics. 0.69
00:23:51.000 That sounds a little eugenics-y.
00:23:53.000 But...
00:23:54.000 Rational, as well, right?
00:23:56.000 I mean, you know, utopian, of course.
00:23:58.000 Utopian, but rational.
00:24:00.000 Right?
00:24:00.000 Okay.
00:24:01.000 Unite humanity with a living new language.
00:24:04.000 Hmm. 0.62
00:24:06.000 We all had one language that would make everything a lot fucking easier.
00:24:09.000 Right?
00:24:10.000 Rule passion, faith, tradition, and all things with tempered reason.
00:24:16.000 Sound words, right?
00:24:17.000 Sound words?
00:24:18.000 Protect people and nations with fair laws and just courts.
00:24:22.000 Okay.
00:24:23.000 Let all nations rule internally, resolving external disputes in a world court. 0.98
00:24:29.000 I don't hear any New World Order shit yet, right? 0.98
00:24:31.000 Avoid petty lawlessness. 0.99
00:24:34.000 A bit subjective.
00:24:39.000 Well, I mean, a lot of this stuff is subjective.
00:24:40.000 This is pretty subjective, though, right? 0.94
00:24:42.000 Petty laws and useless officials.
00:24:43.000 Also, just saying resolve your problems in a world court.
00:24:47.000 How do you do that?
00:24:48.000 That seems like a weird one. 0.99
00:24:49.000 The petty laws and useless officials seems silly. 0.90
00:24:52.000 That seems like it should be, you know, maybe... 0.92
00:24:56.000 Here's a good one.
00:24:57.000 Balanced personal rights with social duties.
00:25:00.000 Agreed.
00:25:01.000 That's smart, right? 1.00
00:25:02.000 Strong community shit. 1.00
00:25:03.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:25:04.000 Prize truth, beauty, love, seeking harmony with the infinite.
00:25:09.000 Okay.
00:25:10.000 Now you're getting a little crystal-y on me.
00:25:12.000 It sounds almost like Dr. Bronner's soap. 1.00
00:25:14.000 It's like that shit on Dr. Bronner's soap. 1.00
00:25:16.000 Okay, hear me. 1.00
00:25:17.000 Now I don't like it at all.
00:25:18.000 Listen.
00:25:18.000 Be not a cancer on the earth.
00:25:21.000 Leave room for nature.
00:25:22.000 Leave room for nature. 1.00
00:25:24.000 Now I don't like it, because that's a stupid thing to say. 0.99
00:25:27.000 First of all, be not a cancer on the earth? 1.00
00:25:29.000 What are you, Shakespeare, bitch? 1.00
00:25:30.000 Just say, don't be a cancer. 1.00
00:25:31.000 Yeah. 0.98
00:25:32.000 Don't be cancer.
00:25:33.000 Be not a cancer. 1.00
00:25:35.000 Silly. 0.98
00:25:36.000 I guess if you're not going to use contractions, maybe you think contractions would throw people off? 0.97
00:25:40.000 I think, here's the thing that I think is really funny about these stones.
00:25:44.000 What?
00:25:44.000 I just watched Cave of Forgotten Dreams, which is pretty awesome.
00:25:48.000 I didn't get into it, man.
00:25:50.000 I shut it off halfway and I got bored. 0.99
00:25:53.000 I got into it because I was just thinking about how crazy it was that rhinos were in France at one point and kind of like, who the fuck were these people? 0.99
00:26:01.000 It was a little dry. 0.96
00:26:04.000 If you carve something in stone and you put it deep enough in the stone and on a big enough stone, it's guaranteed that if people are still around in hundreds of thousands of years, they're going to think that that really meant something.
00:26:18.000 They're going to think it was very important just because you carved it in stone.
00:26:22.000 So it could be anything.
00:26:23.000 You could put anything on a cave wall and people will come in and look at it and be like, wow.
00:26:29.000 Look at this! 0.99
00:26:30.000 They worshipped a penis with a happy face on it. 1.00
00:26:35.000 And it's just a guy who, like, painted something on. 1.00
00:26:38.000 The Georgia Guidestones, it's just some guy who went and carved some shit in stone. 0.99
00:26:41.000 Well, a lot of it makes sense. 0.99
00:26:42.000 I mean, just be not a cancer on the earth.
00:26:44.000 Leave room for nature.
00:26:45.000 Leave room for nature.
00:26:46.000 That is a...
00:26:47.000 I mean, we're goofing on it, but that is, like, a good thought.
00:26:51.000 I think they're great.
00:26:52.000 All of it seems like okay.
00:26:53.000 It's just I don't think that there's anything...
00:26:55.000 Well, it's like Twitter messages.
00:26:56.000 You can't get too profound.
00:26:58.000 Well, you're carving in stone. 0.98
00:26:59.000 Yeah, you're carving in a fucking limited amount of space. 0.99
00:27:02.000 Yeah. 0.98
00:27:02.000 What would you tell people? 0.98
00:27:04.000 If you had Georgia Guidestones of your own, if you could leave behind some monument to future monkey people that figure this out again. 0.99
00:27:13.000 You know what somebody quoted?
00:27:15.000 It was a fascinating quote.
00:27:17.000 That civilization, if you look at it as made by the brightest minds, is disappointing.
00:27:24.000 It's disappointing where we are.
00:27:26.000 But if you look at it as something that's been thrown together by monkeys, it's amazing.
00:27:31.000 It's amazing.
00:27:31.000 We're doing so good right now.
00:27:33.000 If you think about how good we're doing, we're doing great.
00:27:36.000 But isn't that an interesting thing?
00:27:38.000 You know, that people know that human beings are capable...
00:27:43.000 Of so much better behavior, so much more of a safe, sane, rational, loving world.
00:27:53.000 We're capable of that.
00:27:54.000 We're all capable of that as individuals.
00:27:57.000 We're all capable of being loving and nice and friendly.
00:28:00.000 And if we're all capable of it...
00:28:03.000 That in groups we spread out and then somehow or another it gets lost along the way.
00:28:08.000 Where does it get lost along the way?
00:28:09.000 When they're fighting over resources?
00:28:10.000 When they're fighting over crazy ideas?
00:28:12.000 It's the ideas.
00:28:14.000 Mostly the problem is the ideas.
00:28:16.000 It's the resources thing.
00:28:19.000 Resources you can work out if you don't have crazy ideas.
00:28:22.000 Resources you can work out. 0.99
00:28:24.000 It's the fucking crazy ideas. 0.98
00:28:26.000 I just saw that guy, the physicist. 0.99
00:28:28.000 I can never pronounce his name.
00:28:30.000 He's a genius.
00:28:31.000 Micho Kaku?
00:28:32.000 Yes.
00:28:32.000 He was talking about the different types of civilization.
00:28:36.000 Type 0 civilization, Type 1 civilization, Type 2 civilization.
00:28:40.000 I think someone just put it on my Facebook wall.
00:28:42.000 But basically the concept behind it is that right now we're moving from a Type 0 civilization to a Type 1 civilization, which is we're going into a place where...
00:28:51.000 We're going to recognize that we're all, you know, we're planetary.
00:28:55.000 You know what I mean?
00:28:56.000 We're a planetary civilization instead of broken up in all these weird divergent pieces where we all speak different languages and we have these different beliefs.
00:29:04.000 We're moving into something where we're all connected via the internet.
00:29:07.000 But he said this is the most dangerous time possible because we're moving from Type 0 to Type 1, and the Type 0 people, the ones with the crazy ideas, they have nuclear weapons. 0.98
00:29:20.000 And so we're in a place where if we don't work this shit out, we can destroy ourselves. 0.96
00:29:25.000 But if we can get past these crazy ideas that differentiate us, that split us up, the shit where people say, like, you know how those Marines just pissed on the Taliban that they'd shot? 0.99
00:29:37.000 And everybody got upset about that? 0.98
00:29:39.000 Everybody got upset about what?
00:29:41.000 They got upset that they were pissing on them.
00:29:43.000 They didn't get upset that they killed.
00:29:45.000 They're like, how could you urinate on bodies? 1.00
00:29:48.000 It's like, you just blew fucking holes in the chest of these men. 1.00
00:29:53.000 That's horrifying. 1.00
00:29:54.000 That's awful. 0.59
00:29:56.000 We're still at a place right now where it's worse to piss on a dead body than to make a dead body. 0.86
00:30:01.000 Now when we get to a place where making a dead body has the same cultural resonance as pissing on one, where it makes national news because one person had the fucking insane idea of like shooting someone instead of working it out through language or talking it out, that's when we're going to be entering a new age, a new, if we can make it there, a new evolutionary period where we recognize that a solution to a problem is never It's never blasting people to smithereens. 0.89
00:30:27.000 And if it is, it's so fucking rare that it's the most rare thing. 0.57
00:30:31.000 It's only in the most rare situations.
00:30:34.000 So I think that...
00:30:36.000 I think that we're on the verge of getting to this place and I think the internet's helping.
00:30:40.000 I think every time you look at what happened with SOPA and PIPA and you see the power of this organizing force and logic seems to rule in the internet.
00:30:49.000 It's just logical.
00:30:51.000 The logical majority seems to be making things happen. 0.99
00:30:54.000 So if that happened on a planetary scale where instead of these fucking insane guys like the president of Syria Look at that freak. 1.00
00:31:01.000 Have you seen that fucking guy? 1.00
00:31:03.000 He's insane. 1.00
00:31:03.000 He's insane. 1.00
00:31:04.000 He's an insane dictator, you know? 0.99
00:31:06.000 If, like, these people... 0.86
00:31:07.000 What was the name?
00:31:08.000 Mubarak in...
00:31:09.000 What's his name in Egypt?
00:31:10.000 What was his name?
00:31:11.000 Mubarak was the... 0.60
00:31:12.000 Yeah, these guys who think it's okay to be president for 40 years straight.
00:31:17.000 You know what I mean? 1.00
00:31:17.000 These fucking assholes, once we start getting them out of the picture, and then move on to the fucking clerics and the priests who are teaching people that they're the only way to communicate with the universe and connect with God. 1.00
00:31:30.000 Once we get rid of those motherfuckers, this is a pretty awesome planet, man. 1.00
00:31:33.000 The resources thing, we can work it out. 1.00
00:31:35.000 We can work out the resources.
00:31:37.000 I think we could.
00:31:38.000 I couldn't, maybe, but someone...
00:31:40.000 You have an awesome, optimistic view of the world.
00:31:42.000 If we could just all communicate in the same native language so we could tell each other this, that's a big part of the problem.
00:31:48.000 A big part of the problem is if there was some sort of a civil unrest or some sort of a problem with another part of the country that was European, we would get all the information back immediately.
00:31:57.000 What's going on, exactly what's going down.
00:31:59.000 Can you imagine if the United States was in Ireland for some reason?
00:32:02.000 Oh my god. 0.97
00:32:03.000 It would be ridiculous.
00:32:05.000 Also, this language, this new language, it wouldn't just be us talking the same language.
00:32:12.000 It's a technological, neurological interface that allows us to directly communicate emotion to each other. 0.99
00:32:22.000 Because it's like, imagine how many stupid arguments you've gotten in, like with your girlfriend or with your friends. 0.86
00:32:27.000 It just is about language, where underneath it, you're just feeling the exact, you're just like, I really want things to be okay. 0.99
00:32:34.000 You know what I mean?
00:32:36.000 So if you could just feel how that felt.
00:32:39.000 I mean, think about it. 0.99
00:32:40.000 We're forced to articulate our universe through the same fucking organ that we use to chew hamburgers. 0.98
00:32:47.000 That's our way of describing the entire, it's the tip of our feeding tubes is how we're forced to describe the infinite. 0.99
00:32:53.000 We're fucking limited. 0.96
00:32:54.000 It's like in My Left Foot when the guy could only paint with his foot. 0.99
00:32:57.000 Remember that?
00:32:58.000 Yeah.
00:32:59.000 We have infinity out here, and all we have to access to describe this infinity and our perception of it and the way it feels to be a part of it is a language that we didn't come up with ourselves, a language that has been passed down and is a trade language.
00:33:14.000 So the words that we have, there might not be words that exist right now to describe certain facets of reality, and sometimes that will make them invisible.
00:33:22.000 But if you could undercut language and just have a I mean, imagine being the president of Syria and you, the guy who's killing protesters, jailing people and torturing them.
00:33:38.000 You take that guy and just for one second he gets a feeling of what it's like to be out in the street or to be in a country where you've had a president forever and you're being completely repressed.
00:33:47.000 If he could feel that feeling.
00:33:49.000 You know what I mean?
00:33:50.000 It would be hard for him to continue on.
00:33:51.000 It would be hard for him to live in delusion and to think that, oh, it's easy to be a tyrant, I deserve this, or these people are less than me.
00:33:58.000 Slavery never would have been able to happen. 0.99
00:34:00.000 Slavery was based on this ridiculous idea that somehow black people deserve to be enslaved. 0.98
00:34:05.000 You know, it's the same thing with eating meat. 0.89
00:34:07.000 We believe that In general, people, one way, not everyone, some meat eaters are like, yeah, I'll eat meat and I know that these animals have feelings and generally die a brutal life, but I think I deserve to eat meat and I think that's natural.
00:34:21.000 That's the best rationale for eating meat.
00:34:24.000 That's it.
00:34:24.000 You acknowledge the suffering and pain you're causing and you do it because you think you deserve it.
00:34:29.000 But some people, they think fucking animals are like clockwork things. 0.99
00:34:33.000 You know what I mean? 0.99
00:34:35.000 Like a little mechanistic like a wristwatch and they don't feel the same things that we feel. 0.99
00:34:40.000 And we'll never know that until we create a neurological interface with animals and the moment you realize, oh fuck man, these cows... 0.99
00:34:48.000 They feel love. 0.99
00:34:50.000 They feel love for each other.
00:34:52.000 And fear. 1.00
00:34:53.000 And they fucking mourn their kids. 0.99
00:34:55.000 Then when you sit down and eat a hamburger, it's going to be a much more intense experience. 1.00
00:35:00.000 Maybe it'll make it taste better.
00:35:02.000 I don't know.
00:35:02.000 But it's going to be...
00:35:06.000 This cow knew love! 1.00
00:35:08.000 Is that all true, what you said about cows?
00:35:10.000 That they miss their love?
00:35:12.000 I don't think we can know that, but I think that they're like...
00:35:15.000 Like when I was in India, the cows kind of wander the streets and they're not like...
00:35:21.000 You know, they're not abused in the same way that they are here.
00:35:24.000 I'm sure there are some, but they're like really sweet dogs.
00:35:27.000 They'll come up to you and rub their muzzle against you and you can scratch behind their ears and they're just very sweet. 0.99
00:35:32.000 I mean, I'm not saying cows are fucking dolphins. 0.99
00:35:34.000 Could you imagine if cows eventually evolve and just get a little bit smarter and learn how to speak English and then start coming into people's houses and see all the leather shit? 1.00
00:35:45.000 Like, what the fuck? 1.00
00:35:47.000 Are you kidding me? 1.00
00:35:49.000 Can you imagine?
00:35:49.000 I mean, we just assume that cows are never going to evolve.
00:35:53.000 Because where they are right now is where they are. 1.00
00:35:55.000 We assume they're just going to fucking eat the grass and just be all stupid and not get anything done. 1.00
00:36:01.000 Just run around and make milk. 1.00
00:36:03.000 Then we're going to have to start allowing them on buses.
00:36:05.000 Yeah, what if something happens?
00:36:07.000 Maybe it's radiation.
00:36:08.000 Maybe it's like... 0.99
00:36:10.000 Some fucking third world country where we were making Nikes and they did something to the water supply and it makes cows super smart. 1.00
00:36:17.000 So funny. 0.99
00:36:18.000 Dude, can you imagine that for a farmer?
00:36:20.000 Jesus Christ, you have leather everything. 1.00
00:36:21.000 You fuckheads. 1.00
00:36:23.000 You think it's cool to have leather everything? 1.00
00:36:25.000 We have, like, the skin of a murdered animal is, like, standard on cars. 1.00
00:36:32.000 That's our favorite shit. 0.99
00:36:33.000 We want to sit down in flesh, peeled flesh from a murdered animal is the preferred seating of choice. 1.00
00:36:41.000 That's how I like my seat covered.
00:36:43.000 I like a firm, nice back of murdered animal hide with minimal padding.
00:36:49.000 Yeah.
00:36:50.000 Yeah, and isn't it odd, though, that even if I died, maybe I'm wrong about this, but if I put my will, I want my flesh cured and made into wallets for my friends.
00:37:04.000 I don't think I can legally do that.
00:37:06.000 I don't think you can do that.
00:37:07.000 No, I don't think you can do that either.
00:37:10.000 That's so superstitious and odd.
00:37:13.000 Well, it is, but you don't want to really open up that market.
00:37:17.000 Human flesh market? 0.97
00:37:19.000 The human flesh wallet market, man.
00:37:20.000 You don't even want to open that door.
00:37:22.000 Well, I do.
00:37:24.000 You don't want to have any of those out there.
00:37:25.000 You know why? 0.97
00:37:26.000 Because there's one dude and he's going to get through this miserable life in one piece, one way or another, until one day he's at the fucking flea market and he finds a human flesh wallet and that's it! 0.97
00:37:37.000 He's got to make human flesh everything. 0.99
00:37:39.000 Boom! 0.99
00:37:39.000 Murder spree. 0.99
00:37:40.000 He's making human flesh underwear. 0.54
00:37:42.000 Yeah, not good. 1.00
00:37:44.000 You don't want to encourage that kind of shit. 0.99
00:37:45.000 You can't have that out there. 1.00
00:37:47.000 You can't have human flesh wallets out there. 0.95
00:37:49.000 People are just too unpredictably fine.
00:37:50.000 I won't do it.
00:37:51.000 I'll cancel my Kickstarter account.
00:37:53.000 That's going to be our real problem, man.
00:37:55.000 It's not just communicating. 0.98
00:37:56.000 It's figuring out how to develop people or redevelop them after they've been fucked up as children. 0.93
00:38:02.000 There's going to be something they figure out, some sort of a reset thing.
00:38:06.000 Well, again, if you can get an emotional read on a person, like how they're experiencing reality, then you can communicate with them much better. 0.98
00:38:13.000 Some people are fucked because they can't communicate. 0.90
00:38:19.000 If we were smart as a species, that's one of the big things that we would do. 0.98
00:38:24.000 We would set up places where people who had fucked their lives up Can go and not be a criminal and get some food and have some and help them and figure things out.
00:38:36.000 Like, listen, we can keep you from going to jail for the rest of your life. 0.70
00:38:40.000 Let's work this out. 1.00
00:38:41.000 Let's fucking figure you out a fucking career path here. 1.00
00:38:44.000 Help this dude. 1.00
00:38:46.000 Somebody help these people.
00:38:47.000 Everybody's like, hey, put yourself up by your own bootstraps, which I believe in for...
00:38:52.000 For most things.
00:38:54.000 For most things, that would be the advice. 0.99
00:38:56.000 But occasionally, there's some people that are a part of society, they're handed the shittiest fucking hand of cards ever in life. 0.99
00:39:05.000 And then they find themselves in and out of the judicial system as a young kid, and they find themselves in jail. 0.97
00:39:12.000 I mean, it's like, man, you don't think that that dude somehow or another didn't get a fair shake ever in his whole life?
00:39:20.000 And everybody just wants to just lock them up.
00:39:22.000 That's not the solution either.
00:39:24.000 The solution is how you fix them.
00:39:26.000 It's so weird, man. 0.97
00:39:27.000 It's like the vagina is an elevator door that opens up into this dimension. 1.00
00:39:32.000 And sometimes that elevator puts you out on a bad fucking floor, man. 0.99
00:39:37.000 That is one of the most brilliant things you've ever said. 0.98
00:39:42.000 Sometimes that elevator smells.
00:39:43.000 You've got to remember that.
00:39:44.000 Somebody tweet that to Duncan.
00:39:45.000 I'll remember that.
00:39:46.000 That's a bit, dude.
00:39:47.000 I've been saying some version of that, but not like that. 0.98
00:39:51.000 But so the idea is you get smashed out and some of these people get fucked up. 0.98
00:39:56.000 They get blasted out into a bad apartment, surrounded by crackheads. 1.00
00:39:59.000 Assholes and babies. 1.00
00:40:01.000 Who tell them to steal. 1.00
00:40:01.000 It's terrifying. 1.00
00:40:02.000 Yeah, man. 1.00
00:40:03.000 And this fucking... 0.99
00:40:04.000 What does this lead to? 0.99
00:40:05.000 This leads to what you're talking about.
00:40:08.000 These people who have...
00:40:10.000 I mean, imagine spending the first...
00:40:13.000 12 years of your life before you went into a foster home with the most neurons.
00:40:18.000 A baby has more neurons in their brain than at any other time in their life.
00:40:23.000 So you're like a wax seal. 1.00
00:40:25.000 A baby's brain is like a wax seal and the fucking family is like the ring that they push into the fucking medieval times. 1.00
00:40:34.000 We get imprinted and we can't resist it by the vibrational frequencies that we're around when we're blasted into this dimension. 0.99
00:40:43.000 And you need help to get those things transformed.
00:40:47.000 Like, you can't just do it on your own.
00:40:48.000 The record's been pressed, man. 1.00
00:40:50.000 You need help to fucking overcome the weird patterns that come from living next to the lunatics that were your parents. 1.00
00:40:57.000 Not everyone had crazy parents, but many people had fucked up parents. 1.00
00:41:03.000 They were giving my mind... 1.00
00:41:05.000 Like, think of how young...
00:41:06.000 I mean, I think how young your parents were when they had you.
00:41:09.000 Ugh.
00:41:10.000 Think about that.
00:41:10.000 Were they in their 20s, Joe?
00:41:11.000 Yeah.
00:41:12.000 My mother was 21 when she had me.
00:41:14.000 When was the last time you talked to a 21-year-old?
00:41:17.000 Yeah.
00:41:17.000 Last night, 4 a.m.
00:41:23.000 Thanks.
00:41:24.000 Thanks.
00:41:24.000 That's all I needed to know.
00:41:26.000 Brian lives in that world. 1.00
00:41:28.000 You bastard. 1.00
00:41:29.000 He lives in the world of... 1.00
00:41:30.000 He's the only 37-year-old man I know that abuses the word like.
00:41:35.000 I'm guilty of that.
00:41:36.000 This guy's like...
00:41:37.000 And I'm like, get out of here.
00:41:38.000 I'm guilty of that.
00:41:39.000 I do that.
00:41:40.000 You like it to death?
00:41:41.000 I do the likes, man.
00:41:43.000 I listen to these YouTube videos sometimes people make and I hear my like, like, like, like.
00:41:48.000 It makes me want to sew my lips shut.
00:41:51.000 Well, that's the cool thing about podcasts is you get to find out how annoying your personality really is.
00:41:56.000 Oh, you do.
00:41:56.000 All the annoying aspects of it get highlighted.
00:41:59.000 Yeah, it's good.
00:42:00.000 Stuck back in your face.
00:42:01.000 It's good to see. 0.97
00:42:02.000 It really is.
00:42:03.000 I've read this.
00:42:05.000 There's an interesting essay that this guy has got the weirdest name.
00:42:09.000 His name is Zerzan.
00:42:12.000 He's like, I don't know the exact word for what he is, but he's like an anarchist primitivist.
00:42:16.000 He thinks everything started going bad when we started using symbols to represent reality instead of just being in reality.
00:42:25.000 The moment you start using symbols to represent reality, you're kind of boxing reality in and you're separating yourself.
00:42:32.000 You're creating this separation from you and the universe.
00:42:35.000 And so he was talking about the...
00:42:38.000 Growing use of the term like, how people use the word like instead of just saying what it is.
00:42:43.000 So you know it's like you're walking outside and you like come up to this thing and you're like, and he says what that is is this subconscious problem where people are not directly experiencing reality so everything's like something else.
00:42:56.000 Things aren't being, things are being like something else.
00:43:00.000 It's very curious.
00:43:01.000 It's pretty good. 0.87
00:43:02.000 If you look up Zerzan, it's a little fucking dense, but it's a pretty good essay.
00:43:06.000 Joe, have you ever hung out with guys that hate symbols? 0.97
00:43:09.000 That hate cymbals.
00:43:11.000 Yeah, and drums.
00:43:14.000 Yeah, I hate cymbals too.
00:43:15.000 Not into either one of those instruments.
00:43:17.000 Well, you know, it's weird, you know, one of the things that I always thought was fascinating about ancient Egyptian hieroglyphs is that they had a completely different way of writing things.
00:43:29.000 So they must have had a completely different way of talking, a completely different way of, like, Of phrasing things.
00:43:38.000 When you look at how you could be a human being, obviously an intelligent human being, advanced, sophisticated culture, capable of producing amazing works of art, but that language is totally alien to us. 0.95
00:43:54.000 We look at it and we're like, what is this crazy chicken scratch and pictures of birds and shit? 0.97
00:43:59.000 These fucking people, this is what they used to describe the world, but somehow or another, to them, it worked. 1.00
00:44:06.000 They thought of things in a different way. 1.00
00:44:10.000 Their written language consisted of symbols.
00:44:14.000 Not like ours, but like images. 0.99
00:44:18.000 Really fascinating shit, man. 0.99
00:44:20.000 Yeah, it is. 0.99
00:44:21.000 Language is one of the most fascinating things to think about when you're tripping.
00:44:26.000 It's fun to contemplate where each word is coming from, like the transformation of the thought into the word and how instantaneous that happens.
00:44:36.000 So when you start contemplating, where is this language coming from?
00:44:40.000 I don't even think about this.
00:44:41.000 It just happens.
00:44:43.000 And for the longest time, people have always been aware that one of the big things that keeps people from really directly communicating with everybody is the language barrier.
00:44:52.000 Yes.
00:44:52.000 I mean, that's why the myth of the Tower of Babel existed.
00:44:55.000 That was like a plan to give us all different languages so we could never fucking figure out how to communicate with each other.
00:45:01.000 Yeah.
00:45:02.000 Which is really fascinating because, I mean...
00:45:05.000 Really would make sense.
00:45:07.000 Like, if someone had that kind of power, if there were a warlock who could just go, I will give everyone a different language!
00:45:14.000 God!
00:45:15.000 You know, I mean, that would be a good move.
00:45:18.000 If you really could do that, I mean, if it was that easy to be the architect of reality, that would be a good move.
00:45:23.000 You don't want them to rally up. 0.99
00:45:24.000 We'll have them all live in these little spots and give them fucking languages and shit. 1.00
00:45:29.000 No one understands what the other one is saying. 1.00
00:45:30.000 You know what I would say? 0.99
00:45:30.000 If I went over to God's house, like there's a lot of gods living in the same neighborhood and they all have these little aquarium earths that they're fucking with. 0.99
00:45:37.000 If I went over to a fucking God, the God's house that did that, I'd be like, you're a dick, man. 1.00
00:45:43.000 Why don't you just let them speak the same language and have fun? 1.00
00:45:45.000 Why do you consistently fuck with these people? 1.00
00:45:48.000 You gotta give them a break. 1.00
00:45:50.000 You know what?
00:45:51.000 I'd call animal control on God.
00:45:53.000 Like, if you believe the concept of God, And really think about the fundamentalist Christian concept of God.
00:46:01.000 If someone was doing that to animals, what God is apparently doing to us, according to the fundamentalist Christians, he would go to jail for a long time. 0.99
00:46:10.000 Anonymous would fucking attack him. 1.00
00:46:12.000 God's a sadist. 1.00
00:46:13.000 He's like taking gay people, burning them in hell forever. 1.00
00:46:17.000 He's like giving cancer to people because they deserve it. 1.00
00:46:21.000 He makes people go blind.
00:46:23.000 He turned a whole city in the Bible to salt or something. 1.00
00:46:27.000 Yeah, he did a lot of creepy shit. 1.00
00:46:28.000 He's a creep! 1.00
00:46:29.000 There's no other way around it. 0.97
00:46:30.000 There's no other way around it.
00:46:32.000 There's better ways to deal with people.
00:46:34.000 But you don't understand, Duncan.
00:46:36.000 The Lord has a plan.
00:46:38.000 And although to you and your mind, you believe you have it all figured out, and that you're smarter than the Lord, and I say that's not possible, Duncan. 0.99
00:46:48.000 You're a mocker! 1.00
00:46:49.000 You're a mocker! 0.99
00:46:50.000 I can remember this, um... 0.98
00:46:51.000 If you're thinking too much, they get mad at you.
00:46:54.000 You can't have questions.
00:46:56.000 That's not what...
00:46:57.000 You shouldn't use your mind for that.
00:46:58.000 You gotta let God be.
00:46:59.000 Scripture says...
00:47:00.000 That's right.
00:47:02.000 Scripture says...
00:47:04.000 He who walketh with me walketh with the Lord. 0.99
00:47:08.000 They'll say shit like that and you go, what does that even mean? 1.00
00:47:11.000 What the fuck does that mean? 1.00
00:47:13.000 Well, I mean... 0.99
00:47:14.000 You know what that means?
00:47:16.000 That means that's the dude with the mushrooms.
00:47:18.000 Yeah, right.
00:47:19.000 That's what it means.
00:47:20.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:47:21.000 So that's the sad thing.
00:47:22.000 There's a great book called...
00:47:25.000 It's by Abraham Maslow, and it's called Religious Values and Peak Experiences.
00:47:29.000 And it talks about a theoretical...
00:47:33.000 A theory of how religion happens and the progression of information as it goes from being someone who's really happy...
00:47:43.000 To it being a priest class that's controlling people.
00:47:45.000 And so his idea is certain people throughout time have had peak experiences where they break through the particular ego barrier created by the zeitgeist of their time.
00:47:56.000 They have a direct communication with some kind of like super ideas, super intelligence, whatever you want to call it.
00:48:02.000 They get really happy.
00:48:04.000 Happy in a way not just like someone who's having a good day, but in a way where if you ran into them You would recognize that they'd figured something out.
00:48:12.000 So that person gets a group of people around him who are kind of magnetized by the energy and by what they're saying and they're talking about a real way that you can live and actually be happy in the world.
00:48:24.000 And those people from being around someone who's like, you know, like in sports, They used to say you could only run a mile in this amount of time.
00:48:34.000 And everyone thought that and everyone was doing that.
00:48:36.000 And then right when someone broke it, all of a sudden everyone started breaking.
00:48:39.000 It's like, oh yeah, I could do that.
00:48:40.000 So in the same way, certain people will overcome a specific phantom of their time, which is causing them to be miserable.
00:48:51.000 Those people get people around them who also get this certain level of happiness.
00:48:55.000 The person who came up with the original idea dies.
00:48:58.000 Now he's just got the disciples, and the disciples have people around them.
00:49:02.000 And they transmit this idea to the people around him, but now it's a little diluted.
00:49:06.000 And some of the people who are doing it aren't really quite happy.
00:49:10.000 They're not doing it right.
00:49:10.000 So you pass that down.
00:49:12.000 It keeps getting watered and more watered.
00:49:15.000 It keeps getting watered and watered and watered. 1.00
00:49:16.000 And then the next thing you know, you have some fucking old horny man with his pants down just nailing a fucking toddler in a confession booth. 1.00
00:49:27.000 And that's the end result. 1.00
00:49:29.000 Starts off with a super happy guy, ends up with a fucking... 1.00
00:49:33.000 A pedophile dressed like a god clown with his cock in a kid's ass. 1.00
00:49:38.000 That's how mutated things get, which is why it's very funny that people feel so desperate to cling on to this old thing instead of thinking, wait, there might be a new thing that we can come up with based on all the information we have right now. 1.00
00:49:53.000 At the end of the day, It's all shit that was written down by people. 0.94
00:49:57.000 At the end of the day. 0.99
00:49:58.000 And why would we ever think that the people who lived thousands of years ago had it right?
00:50:05.000 Okay?
00:50:06.000 Why?
00:50:06.000 Why would you want to believe that?
00:50:08.000 There might be information there that we could use and could help us, but the most important thing is to know what we know now. 0.99
00:50:16.000 Know what we know now, and let's figure this fucking thing out together. 0.98
00:50:20.000 That's right. 1.00
00:50:21.000 Following any crazy shit. 1.00
00:50:23.000 Anything. 1.00
00:50:24.000 I don't care what it is.
00:50:25.000 Judaism, Christianity, Muslim.
00:50:28.000 What do you want to be?
00:50:29.000 What do you want to be?
00:50:30.000 I want to be a Hare Krishna.
00:50:31.000 It's all the same.
00:50:32.000 It's all something that someone put together.
00:50:35.000 With the message behind it, who knows if it's right?
00:50:38.000 Who knows if it's wrong? 0.97
00:50:39.000 Who knows if there really is an actual man in the fucking clouds in the biblical sense? 0.99
00:50:45.000 Who the fuck knows? 0.99
00:50:46.000 It doesn't seem likely to me, based on what I've experienced in my life, but... 0.99
00:50:51.000 If it is, I'm going to be pissed. 0.88
00:50:52.000 But even if it is, I mean, the universe is fucking so bizarre.
00:50:57.000 Just the idea of the infinite space is so bizarre that a guy in the clouds with a harp, why is that so weird? 0.66
00:51:03.000 I mean, yeah, why not? 0.98
00:51:05.000 Fucking why not? 0.99
00:51:06.000 Why not? 1.00
00:51:06.000 Why not there be one guy that's running the whole fucking thing? 1.00
00:51:10.000 What the fuck? 1.00
00:51:11.000 It sounds crazy that there could be a heaven, a pearly gates and shit. 1.00
00:51:16.000 You get up there and this dude's wearing white and everybody's floating. 0.97
00:51:19.000 Yeah.
00:51:19.000 But...
00:51:20.000 Imagine if it was true.
00:51:21.000 Imagine if you got up.
00:51:23.000 That is not to me nearly as shocking.
00:51:26.000 Heaven is not nearly as shocking as the universe itself.
00:51:29.000 Well, I think that what we're talking about here is that the ability to describe reality and to understand reality keeps increasing as we evolve as a species.
00:51:41.000 There's really smart people, you know, in every single time.
00:51:45.000 There have been very smart people at every single time.
00:51:47.000 Really smart people in different ways.
00:51:49.000 But their ability to describe reality was limited to the language available to them and the technology that was around them at the time. 0.99
00:51:57.000 I mean, if you look at, like, shit, man. 0.92
00:51:59.000 I hope you remember this because there's a book in the Old Testament that is, in my mind, is clearly a UFO encounter. 0.99
00:52:06.000 I think it's Leviticus.
00:52:08.000 It's not Leviticus.
00:52:10.000 Ezekiel.
00:52:10.000 It's Ezekiel.
00:52:11.000 Now you look at that, and what does the guy use to describe this thing?
00:52:14.000 It's like a wheel within a wheel.
00:52:16.000 Chariots! 0.99
00:52:16.000 Yeah, wheels and chariots and just the shit that's available to him to describe this experience that he had. 0.99
00:52:22.000 Now, if someone saw that same thing, they'd be like, yeah, I got sucked up by a UFO. They gave me a psychedelic. 0.98
00:52:27.000 I saw something that's coming, which is relevant in this time period. 0.99
00:52:31.000 Or a coconut fell on that motherfucker's head and sparks were flying and he didn't know what happened. 0.99
00:52:35.000 He woke up in a ditch with a bloody head. 1.00
00:52:38.000 Yeah.
00:52:38.000 With a coconut.
00:52:39.000 It could have been a hallucination and people just believed it.
00:52:44.000 But I think that outside of religious hallucinations or visions and people trying to describe it, everyone's limited to the tools that they have around them to observe reality and they can only report on reality based on the tools that they have.
00:53:00.000 And the experiences that they have to draw upon, which is one of the reasons why the whole UFO thing seems so preposterous to people.
00:53:06.000 We don't have that experience to draw upon.
00:53:08.000 An experience of an alien, intelligent life form.
00:53:12.000 It's like looking back at us while we're looking at it.
00:53:14.000 I don't think...
00:53:15.000 I think...
00:53:16.000 90% of the people on the planet would just die of a heart attack.
00:53:19.000 Like, immediately.
00:53:20.000 Boom! 1.00
00:53:20.000 Their hearts would fucking explode. 1.00
00:53:22.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:53:22.000 If aliens came and they were super intelligent with those big fucking gray heads and those giant black eyes, they could totally read your mind. 1.00
00:53:29.000 Yeah. 0.99
00:53:30.000 And they were all just, like, floating and freezing people and erasing memories and shit, like all these Travis Walton stories. 0.76
00:53:37.000 You know, like that guy that... 0.77
00:53:38.000 Yeah.
00:53:39.000 If that were to actually happen, I don't think the human race would survive.
00:53:44.000 I think we can't survive.
00:53:46.000 We're the alpha.
00:53:46.000 We can't exist in a world where we're under the thumb of some incredibly intelligent, super sophisticated, alien life form that thinks in a completely different way than us and can control matter.
00:54:00.000 Well, you know, man, I have this optimistic idea of it.
00:54:03.000 Control matter, like I'm writing for the X-Men.
00:54:06.000 I don't think it's going to come from the sky and the silver ships.
00:54:09.000 I think the way it goes down is maybe...
00:54:14.000 All of a sudden, we as a species get to a point where we kind of realize we remember actually what's going on.
00:54:21.000 I think right now we have a little bit of amnesia.
00:54:23.000 We have lost a sense of what truly is happening.
00:54:28.000 I think when you take a really potent psychedelic, sometimes you'll see this universe that already is around you, that's already happening around you at all times.
00:54:37.000 You get a sense all of a sudden that you've been there before.
00:54:42.000 And then it goes away.
00:54:44.000 But it seems like we're more like getting projected into this reality with awful amnesia for some...
00:54:51.000 I don't know what it's for.
00:54:52.000 It could be just a video game.
00:54:54.000 It could be a sadistic joke.
00:54:58.000 It could be a prank.
00:54:59.000 This could be a prank that one super intelligent entity is playing on another super intelligent entity.
00:55:04.000 It could be anything.
00:55:06.000 Or it can be a novelty creating machine like McKenna thought.
00:55:10.000 McKenna thought that the universe was a novelty creating and harvesting machine.
00:55:15.000 And that we as the most complex organisms possibly in the universe...
00:55:21.000 We're at the pinnacle of this novelty creation.
00:55:25.000 Yeah, man.
00:55:26.000 That's the whole reason for it all.
00:55:29.000 It seems chaotic to us.
00:55:31.000 It seems like this is preposterous.
00:55:33.000 We should know, but it's almost like in our instincts as an organism, we have a direction to go.
00:55:40.000 And the direction is not spiritual.
00:55:42.000 It's technological.
00:55:43.000 That's it.
00:55:44.000 People are not looking for some sort of a spiritual release and some sort of a A broader perspective on the universe, an objective view of life.
00:55:52.000 No.
00:55:53.000 They're looking to see if they can punch a hole through the center of space.
00:55:57.000 You know what I mean?
00:55:58.000 The real height of progress is not a complete overhauling and understanding of the educational system, of the way to develop human minds, the way to stop people from harming each other, instead of devoting all of our resources to evolving socially, if it even is possible ever, instead of doing that.
00:56:18.000 One thing you can do is, when you think about the passage of time as we move into the future, if you get out of your head this idea it's like running down a race track or something, like you're running down a track, and think of it more in the sense of a revealing is happening.
00:56:33.000 So as we progress into the future...
00:56:35.000 More things begin to emerge into this reality that weren't there before.
00:56:39.000 Like we go from having stone tools to all of a sudden having, you know, iron tools.
00:56:44.000 And then we go from that to all of a sudden, you know, where we are now, where we're surrounded by fucking silver glowing Macintosh computers and like microphones that are somehow recording our voice.
00:56:56.000 And these things keep getting revealed more and more and more.
00:56:59.000 And any of these items, should you take them back 100 years, people would think it was a UFO.
00:57:04.000 They'd see it and think that fell out of a spaceship.
00:57:07.000 So all of a sudden you realize, and maybe McKenna said this, and I think he may have said something like this, but the idea is the spaceship, the alien, the extraterrestrial intelligence, it's growing around us like crystals.
00:57:19.000 When you're a kid and you're growing crystals, but it's growing in the form of technology that eventually is going to become self-aware.
00:57:26.000 Which is why I heard this awesome thing, which is the first alien contact that we have is going to be a computer that wakes up.
00:57:35.000 That's going to be our first communication with another consciousness.
00:57:38.000 Not something from the great void of space, but something that grew through time.
00:57:43.000 I say that's totally possible, but I don't say not something from space.
00:57:48.000 Because it could be something from space.
00:57:51.000 That's possible, too.
00:57:52.000 I hope so.
00:57:53.000 It could be that the first UFO or the first real intelligence that we encounter that's greater than our own is something that we create ourselves.
00:58:00.000 It replicates itself very quickly. 1.00
00:58:04.000 That was the idea that once a computer becomes sentient, the real issue is going to be that they're going to be able to go, this is a stupid fucking design. 1.00
00:58:10.000 Who built me? 1.00
00:58:10.000 And then they build something way better. 1.00
00:58:12.000 That's it.
00:58:13.000 Instantly, they know exactly how to put it together. 0.99
00:58:16.000 And, you know, The idea of programming emotions and programming our mammalian system of dealing with babies and puppies and little baby chickies and shit. 0.96
00:58:27.000 They won't have any of that guilt or weird feeling about biological life. 1.00
00:58:30.000 And they might just say, look at these fucking assholes shitting all over this planet. 1.00
00:58:34.000 We can't even use half of the resources on the planet because these fuckheads have blown up nuclear bombs and left nuclear waste in holes. 1.00
00:58:42.000 We're like cats. 1.00
00:58:43.000 We take our nuclear shits and we just throw them in a hole. 0.99
00:58:46.000 And then we cover over it. 1.00
00:58:48.000 We're like stupid cats. 1.00
00:58:51.000 At the top of the heap of technological innovation and science, the best way to get rid of nuclear waste besides shooting it at other planets. 1.00
00:59:00.000 Could you imagine what assholes we would be considering in the universe if we just shot our nuclear waste up into space like a rocket? 0.99
00:59:08.000 We send it out with the Voyager and it crash lands on someone's fucking moon someday. 0.99
00:59:12.000 What if it starts some future war? 0.99
00:59:14.000 They think it's a bomb. 0.93
00:59:16.000 We shoot nuclear waste they're wearing.
00:59:18.000 Apparently it's very devastating to their particular environment.
00:59:21.000 Kills like 80% of the people on the planet.
00:59:23.000 The rest, they get together on giant battleships and head to Earth. 1.00
00:59:27.000 It's a fucking good movie. 0.99
00:59:28.000 Somebody make that. 1.00
00:59:29.000 Make that movie.
00:59:32.000 Could they shoot nuclear waste into space?
00:59:35.000 Can they do that?
00:59:36.000 Well, the problem with that is, yeah, I'm sure you could, but it takes so much energy to get it out of the orbit of the planet that it ends up becoming less efficient to use nuclear energy.
00:59:49.000 You know, they blew up a bomb in the atmosphere.
00:59:52.000 Why wouldn't you, Joe?
00:59:53.000 A nuclear bomb.
00:59:54.000 I think it was called Operation Starfish Prime.
00:59:57.000 Cool name.
00:59:58.000 I think that was the name of it.
00:59:59.000 Yeah.
00:59:59.000 Let me Google that so I don't...
01:00:01.000 Starfish Prime?
01:00:02.000 Is Michael Bay involved?
01:00:03.000 No, no, no.
01:00:04.000 For real, man. 1.00
01:00:05.000 They decided to shoot a fucking nuclear warhead right up into the ionosphere. 1.00
01:00:12.000 Wouldn't it, like, fuck up some kind of rotation or something? 1.00
01:00:15.000 Or possibly...
01:00:16.000 Well, you don't want it to fall back. 0.99
01:00:18.000 You mean blowing up a fucking nuke in the atmosphere? 0.98
01:00:21.000 I think at that time they didn't really know what it was going to do. 0.99
01:00:24.000 What did I say was Prime what? 1.00
01:00:25.000 Oh, fuck. 1.00
01:00:26.000 Something Prime. 1.00
01:00:27.000 Starfish Prime.
01:00:28.000 Starfish Prime.
01:00:29.000 That sounds like a little biscuit album.
01:00:31.000 Initiate Starfish Prime.
01:00:32.000 Sounds like a little biscuit album, doesn't it?
01:00:34.000 Yeah.
01:00:35.000 It's a good nickname for somebody.
01:00:38.000 It's a good Limp Bizkit. 0.98
01:00:39.000 It's like a nickname for a stripper who knows karate. 1.00
01:00:42.000 Sounds like a weed stream.
01:00:43.000 Wow, one of five high-altitude tests.
01:00:47.000 Jesus Christ. 0.99
01:00:48.000 They shot a bunch of fucking nuclear bombs up into space just to see what would happen. 1.00
01:00:53.000 Oh, these people are so crazy. 1.00
01:00:55.000 The people that we got... 0.99
01:00:57.000 The people that we got running our world are so fucking hilarious, man. 0.80
01:01:02.000 Like, the people that created weapons. 0.97
01:01:04.000 Sure. 0.99
01:01:05.000 And the people that decided to, like, test them and blow shit up. 0.99
01:01:08.000 You've seen the video of the one nuclear bomb that they blew up in the ocean where there's all these battleships around it and the fucking... 0.99
01:01:15.000 Fucking water is going like, I don't know, like half a mile into the sky. 1.00
01:01:21.000 And it's just, it's so ridiculous. 0.99
01:01:24.000 The power they explode. 0.95
01:01:25.000 I mean, exaggerating?
01:01:26.000 Am I even exaggerating?
01:01:28.000 I might not be, man.
01:01:29.000 At least like a tenth of a mile.
01:01:31.000 Oh, it was more than a hundred feet.
01:01:34.000 It was ridiculously high in the sky.
01:01:36.000 And these are battleships, dude, like big-ass battleships. 0.99
01:01:39.000 And this fucking water is just flying through the air. 0.99
01:01:42.000 Like somebody made that. 0.99
01:01:44.000 Well, a group of people. 1.00
01:01:45.000 They made that and then they just fucking did it. 0.99
01:01:48.000 They just did it. 0.99
01:01:49.000 Let's see what it looks like.
01:01:50.000 You know how fucking fascinating that must have been when it was only theoretical? 0.87
01:01:54.000 When there was all these eggheads sitting around and they have these ideas. 0.98
01:01:57.000 And you've got Oppenheimer and Einstein and all these motherfuckers with their ideas come together and they think it could be done. 0.98
01:02:03.000 And they know it could be. 0.97
01:02:04.000 It's almost like science compels them to create it.
01:02:08.000 Science knowing.
01:02:10.000 That right there.
01:02:13.000 There's the danger.
01:02:15.000 Because things get weird at that point. 1.00
01:02:16.000 Like those fucking scientists. 1.00
01:02:18.000 And someone is in control of it other than the scientists themselves. 1.00
01:02:20.000 Yes.
01:02:20.000 And someone always will be.
01:02:21.000 Right.
01:02:22.000 And the people that will be would never be able to create that in the first place.
01:02:25.000 They would never be able to come up with this intellectually.
01:02:29.000 That's why scientists, it's a very interesting thing because they have this idea.
01:02:34.000 They're just seeking knowledge.
01:02:35.000 They can't help it.
01:02:36.000 There's no ethics, no moral.
01:02:36.000 That's what they do.
01:02:38.000 But the people paying them to do this, it's quite often the military. 0.99
01:02:43.000 But look at these fucking guys who just invented that new bird flu. 0.99
01:02:47.000 Did you hear about this? 1.00
01:02:47.000 Yeah, I did. 1.00
01:02:48.000 Running it through ferret kidneys or something.
01:02:51.000 I don't remember how they did it.
01:02:52.000 It was like running it through ferrets.
01:02:54.000 Yeah.
01:02:54.000 So they created apparently something that, what is it, 30% of the people who died would kill?
01:02:59.000 Yeah, something insane.
01:03:01.000 They said it would make smallpox look like the common cold. 0.99
01:03:04.000 Smallpox is already something that if there was a smallpox outbreak, we'd be fucked. 0.99
01:03:10.000 We beat smallpox. 1.00
01:03:12.000 Yeah, why are they making fucking super diseases? 0.99
01:03:14.000 Because they're just trying to find information. 0.99
01:03:17.000 They're exploring the universe.
01:03:19.000 And so that's their motivation, yet what they did is they created a biological nuclear weapon. 0.98
01:03:26.000 Now, all over the fucking planet, there's people in the military. 0.94
01:03:31.000 I'm sure that some military commander was just looking through the air and was like, Martha, can you get those scientists on the line? 0.99
01:03:39.000 I'd like to talk to them.
01:03:41.000 And they're like, hey, do you guys want to make $17 million this week?
01:03:45.000 Send over your research.
01:03:47.000 We'd like to know how to make this biological agent.
01:03:50.000 And then the next thing you know... 0.99
01:03:51.000 Some fucking government somewhere in the world. 1.00
01:03:54.000 I mean, shit, you think Iran wasn't interested in that? 1.00
01:03:56.000 Or maybe North Korea or us, certainly. 1.00
01:03:59.000 Any fucking world power would want that weapon. 0.98
01:04:02.000 That's a great weapon outside of the fact that it ends up... 0.99
01:04:05.000 Well, see, you know biological weapons?
01:04:08.000 Biological weapons have a really...
01:04:09.000 The problem with that one is it might not burn itself out, but biological weapons have a distinct advantage over nuclear weapons because nuclear weapons destroy infrastructure.
01:04:20.000 Biological weapons just kill, you know, life.
01:04:23.000 Biological life. 1.00
01:04:23.000 So if you have a nice, fast-moving fucking disease that you've made that you can drop on a city, then, you know, fly in there three months down the road, clean up the bodies, you've got a city, you know? 1.00
01:04:33.000 Jesus fucking Christ. 0.99
01:04:34.000 Yeah, so it's better than a fucking nuclear weapon where now you've got a nuclear wasteland that you can't use for a long time. 0.99
01:04:41.000 So, isn't it strange... 0.98
01:04:42.000 It just comes down to the people...
01:04:45.000 That are in control of that kind of power.
01:04:48.000 Yeah. 0.99
01:04:48.000 Almost can't help but be cunts. 0.99
01:04:51.000 Right. 0.99
01:04:51.000 The only reason why you got to that position in the first place is because you wanted to do this. 0.99
01:04:56.000 Well, yeah.
01:04:58.000 If you're one of those guys pushing these buttons, you've always wanted to do this.
01:05:03.000 Yeah, and it puts us in a real bind, man, because...
01:05:05.000 It doesn't represent us.
01:05:06.000 It doesn't represent us.
01:05:07.000 It doesn't represent any of us.
01:05:09.000 But even if...
01:05:09.000 Let's say we spread it.
01:05:10.000 Let's say somehow it spreads through, and all of a sudden, like, the consciousness of, like, all these people who started getting into power, they're like, you know, people who are, like, coming...
01:05:19.000 Like, people who are coming into power all of a sudden have more open-minded internet ideology of how the world works.
01:05:25.000 And let's say that just... 0.60
01:05:26.000 The whole of our government suddenly turns into like the smartest fucking people on, forgive me for saying this, the smartest people on Reddit are now running the United States government. 0.95
01:05:36.000 All of a sudden that's being... 0.96
01:05:37.000 That would be awesome.
01:05:37.000 It would be awesome!
01:05:38.000 It would be fucking... 0.99
01:05:39.000 The country would be... 1.00
01:05:40.000 Perfect. 1.00
01:05:41.000 Fucking... 1.00
01:05:42.000 It would be perfect. 1.00
01:05:43.000 There would be like...
01:05:43.000 Yeah.
01:05:44.000 Dude, if the internet ran the world, the world would be beautiful.
01:05:47.000 The world would be incredible.
01:05:48.000 You know why?
01:05:48.000 Because the internet is the voice of the people.
01:05:50.000 It's the only voice of the people.
01:05:52.000 It's the only voice we all have.
01:05:54.000 It's the only way.
01:05:55.000 The breaking news stories would be like cute cat pictures.
01:05:59.000 But here's the problem.
01:06:02.000 If that happened in this country, let's say it happened in Europe, and let's say it happened in parts of Asia. 1.00
01:06:10.000 Still, these pockets, all you need is like two or three fucking pockets of people who are worshipping some mythological entity that they think hates gay people and wants women to wear fucking weird shit or thinks it's okay to lash people. 0.99
01:06:26.000 I don't remember which country it was. 1.00
01:06:28.000 I think some country just executed someone.
01:06:30.000 I think it might have been Iran, but that could be propaganda.
01:06:33.000 Who knows?
01:06:33.000 I don't know.
01:06:34.000 But apparently they executed a guy for coming up with a program that allows people to download porn.
01:06:40.000 Yes! 1.00
01:06:41.000 Now, if you just have a few of these psychopaths out there, they can ruin the whole fucking party. 1.00
01:06:45.000 Oh my god. 1.00
01:06:46.000 It's like the Earth right now has the potential to turn into an awesome party, but you know that thing that happens when two dicks roll into a party, like two weirdos that nobody invited, or all of a sudden start fucking drinking too much and trying to pick fights? 0.97
01:07:00.000 That's what we have on a planetary scale right now. 0.95
01:07:02.000 Yeah.
01:07:03.000 But the people, it used to be it was mostly psychos at the party. 0.92
01:07:07.000 Now it's getting to be where there's more and more cool people at the party, and we've got to figure out how to get the dicks out of the house. 0.99
01:07:13.000 That's where we're at right now.
01:07:15.000 How do we do it? 1.00
01:07:16.000 Let's get these assholes out of here. 1.00
01:07:17.000 What we've got to do is we've got to convert the dicks. 1.00
01:07:19.000 Right. 0.99
01:07:20.000 Convert whatever dicks that can be converted, convert them to be cool human beings. 0.98
01:07:24.000 Yeah. 0.98
01:07:24.000 So let them know that to be nice to people feels good for you, too. 0.98
01:07:28.000 Right.
01:07:28.000 And it's the best way to communicate with people.
01:07:30.000 Be nice to everybody.
01:07:31.000 Pump your friends up.
01:07:32.000 You know, help each other out.
01:07:33.000 Be cool to each other.
01:07:35.000 Support each other.
01:07:36.000 Look out for each other.
01:07:37.000 Develop a community of people that are fun.
01:07:40.000 You just want to give them all mushrooms, don't you, Joe?
01:07:42.000 Shh.
01:07:42.000 Why not?
01:07:43.000 They're good for you.
01:07:43.000 I'm trying to be subtle, yo.
01:07:44.000 They just found it out.
01:07:45.000 Why are you clowning on my game, kid?
01:07:47.000 Yeah.
01:07:51.000 There's a thread on mixedmartialarts.com.
01:07:53.000 It says, why is Joe Rogan so into mushrooms?
01:07:57.000 Did you see that thing I tweeted today?
01:07:58.000 Obviously written by someone who hasn't done mushrooms, right?
01:08:01.000 You have to ask that.
01:08:02.000 You've never done mushrooms. 0.99
01:08:03.000 Yeah, come on, silly. 0.98
01:08:04.000 Did you see that thing I tweeted today? 0.96
01:08:05.000 It's kind of odd.
01:08:06.000 I've known about it for a while, but they found evidence to help...
01:08:10.000 Mushrooms helping depression?
01:08:11.000 Yeah, I did see that.
01:08:12.000 Look, in this day and age, what they should be doing with mushrooms is studying them.
01:08:18.000 They should be absolutely decriminalized.
01:08:21.000 No one's dying from mushrooms.
01:08:23.000 What people are doing, they're freaking out. 0.94
01:08:25.000 One of the reasons why they're freaking out is because life is fucking crazy enough as it is.
01:08:30.000 And a lot of times, you're holding a billion things in the back of your head that you're trying to fight off. 0.69
01:08:34.000 You don't want to remember or you want to pretend you did a better thing than you really did. 0.93
01:08:39.000 You take those mushrooms and your ugly truth is just thrown into your face like diarrhea from a horse. 0.99
01:08:47.000 Just all over you. 0.99
01:08:49.000 That's what it's just like.
01:08:50.000 Your reality.
01:08:51.000 And that's a bad trip.
01:08:52.000 That's not a bad trip.
01:08:53.000 That was a trip you needed.
01:08:54.000 There are no bad trips, Joe.
01:08:57.000 There are only difficult trips.
01:08:59.000 Difficult trips.
01:08:59.000 Challenging trips.
01:09:00.000 That's the idea.
01:09:01.000 You've got to remove the...
01:09:02.000 I heard that...
01:09:02.000 Unless you overdose.
01:09:05.000 Unless you overdose.
01:09:06.000 What I did was a bad trip.
01:09:08.000 There was nothing possible. 0.98
01:09:09.000 With Brian, it's sort of like if you got jet fuel and you shoved it into someone's Prius, they'd be like, what the fuck is this in here for? 0.79
01:09:16.000 We're not working right. 0.98
01:09:18.000 I couldn't walk, Duncan.
01:09:19.000 I was falling.
01:09:20.000 My feet would not work.
01:09:21.000 We don't have the...
01:09:22.000 Yeah, you'd have to be like Shaquille O'Neal to handle that kind of...
01:09:25.000 You know what I mean?
01:09:26.000 But in this super society we're talking about, they would have a 911 for bad trips. 0.84
01:09:33.000 Like 7-1-1, if you're having a bad trip, call it and be like, I'm fucking freaking out, I can't feel my feet. 0.98
01:09:40.000 And then they could send over some fucking cool... 0.76
01:09:44.000 Well, the real problem is we're great when we can communicate directly with each other, but when we band together in big groups and then we can't communicate, we get too far away from each other, then we just start getting dicky with the people that are furthest away. 1.00
01:09:58.000 Like, fuck them, man. 1.00
01:09:59.000 I'm taking their shit. 1.00
01:10:00.000 They're over by where the good water is. 0.99
01:10:01.000 And, you know, that's where the lack of it, the fact that you don't feel all these other people.
01:10:07.000 I think it's an evolving entity.
01:10:09.000 That's what I think. 0.98
01:10:10.000 I think the human organism is some crazy...
01:10:15.000 Technology inventing evolving organism.
01:10:17.000 I think the invention of technology, though, I think is like the whole reason why we're here. 0.97
01:10:22.000 I think what we're all doing as stand-up comedians and as nurses and doctors, we are all supporting the system that keeps alive the people that make the awesome shit. 0.86
01:10:34.000 We're just going to find out that we are technology. 0.99
01:10:37.000 When you die, you're like, oh, I get it.
01:10:39.000 We're the caterpillar that becomes the butterfly.
01:10:41.000 We are working towards the invention of this ultimate technology.
01:10:45.000 We just don't see it that way. 0.52
01:10:46.000 We think of our lives as, I've got to get my shit together, and I've got to get my yoga. 0.69
01:10:51.000 When I get to yoga, I'm there. 0.88
01:10:54.000 I'm home.
01:10:56.000 I'm centered. 1.00
01:10:57.000 You're just trying to make up for the fact that you've got some weird situation where your husband doesn't fuck you anymore. 1.00
01:11:03.000 Let's be realistic. 1.00
01:11:06.000 Crazy with them crystals! 0.90
01:11:08.000 Crazy with your crystals! 1.00
01:11:10.000 But at the end of the day, I have a feeling that the whole thing might be in place just so we keep buying cooler shit. 1.00
01:11:15.000 And this weird, complex social order that we have is all just fucking the ripples and waves of reality, but the whole... 0.93
01:11:23.000 Thing is pushing towards more improved technology.
01:11:27.000 Oh yeah, it pushes towards innovation.
01:11:28.000 Look at what's happening right now with SOPA and PIPA. What you're seeing is right now technology has surpassed government and it's surpassed the control mechanisms that are in place in the entertainment industry to monetize their product.
01:11:46.000 They have to innovate a new way. 0.99
01:11:48.000 We have to be able to vote on shit online. 0.99
01:11:50.000 That's what it should be. 1.00
01:11:52.000 It should be you log in, you have a fucking email address, you know, it's Duncan Trussell at theunitedstatesofamerica.com, and you fucking log in, and you get to vote, period. 0.98
01:12:01.000 That's how it should all be done. 0.99
01:12:03.000 Yeah, keep the system secure, don't be an asshole, don't abuse it, let's find out what people really want. 0.99
01:12:08.000 How about that? 0.99
01:12:08.000 Yeah, it's, you know... 0.99
01:12:10.000 That's the future, bitches. 1.00
01:12:11.000 It would be hacked. 1.00
01:12:12.000 It would be hacked.
01:12:12.000 Listen, write it down.
01:12:13.000 I know that some dude hacked UFC.com this week.
01:12:16.000 Yeah, it's because of the soap. 0.98
01:12:18.000 I wanted to find out some information on one of the upcoming match-ups and I went, you gotta be motherfucking kidding me.
01:12:24.000 Some little weirdo dude made this cool, it was actually kind of a cool weird picture that you would love. 0.96
01:12:30.000 It was like a Hitler with big crazy giant eyes. 0.75
01:12:32.000 Did you see it? 0.97
01:12:33.000 Yeah.
01:12:35.000 It's like a redirect.
01:12:38.000 Why did he hack it?
01:12:41.000 Because of SOPA, the UFC supports the online piracy thing.
01:12:47.000 They must not understand it then.
01:12:50.000 Well, every media company is doing it because that's what it's for.
01:12:52.000 Because they're scared.
01:12:53.000 You know what it is, man. 1.00
01:12:54.000 It's like you've got this fucking problem. 1.00
01:12:56.000 People are afraid to speak up. 1.00
01:12:58.000 And a lot of people agreed on this dumb thing. 0.64
01:13:00.000 And now the truth is coming out about the way it works and people are afraid to speak up. 0.81
01:13:04.000 I don't know enough about it, but I'm going to see them this weekend.
01:13:07.000 I'm going to ask them what it's all about.
01:13:09.000 I don't understand.
01:13:10.000 So I'm sure they'll be able to explain it to me.
01:13:11.000 You see Dana's tweets during when all this was happening. 0.99
01:13:14.000 He's like, I don't give a shit. 1.00
01:13:15.000 Yeah, he doesn't give a fuck. 1.00
01:13:17.000 He's like, I'm not eBay. 0.99
01:13:18.000 That's what he said.
01:13:19.000 He goes, I'm not eBay, LOL. He goes, I'm not in the website business.
01:13:22.000 I'm in the fight business.
01:13:23.000 You could not have a better guy running that thing.
01:13:26.000 You could not have a better guy.
01:13:28.000 Yeah, that guy's a cool guy. 1.00
01:13:29.000 People give Dana White shit. 1.00
01:13:31.000 I don't know, man. 1.00
01:13:32.000 He wants to be high with his employees.
01:13:34.000 Huh?
01:13:34.000 We don't have to smoke.
01:13:36.000 Yes, we do.
01:13:37.000 We're going to do a podcast?
01:13:38.000 No, we don't have to smoke.
01:13:39.000 Dana would do it.
01:13:40.000 We could have him on, for sure.
01:13:43.000 We just want to tell him. 0.99
01:13:44.000 I don't know if there's a lot of shit he couldn't talk about now. 0.99
01:13:46.000 It's big time. 1.00
01:13:47.000 Big time with a fox.
01:13:49.000 Fox executive.
01:13:50.000 Big fox fight this weekend, man. 1.00
01:13:52.000 You don't even give a fuck. 0.99
01:13:53.000 So I'll just talk about it amongst myself. 0.99
01:13:55.000 I'm very excited.
01:13:56.000 Wait.
01:13:57.000 There's UFC this weekend.
01:13:58.000 Oh yeah, I know that.
01:13:59.000 Oh, I see.
01:14:00.000 Yeah, it's Damian Maia versus this kid, Chris Weidman.
01:14:03.000 He's this badass wrestler from New York. 0.99
01:14:06.000 Fucking kid's a beast. 0.99
01:14:08.000 He's like one of those up-and-coming guys, strangling people, putting people to sleep, taking people down, smashing like veterans. 1.00
01:14:14.000 And he's taking on that Damian Maia jiu-jitsu wizard.
01:14:17.000 That's a badass fight.
01:14:18.000 You know what's shocking about the UFC, man, that you don't see unless you come to a live UFC? What?
01:14:25.000 Seeing somebody get choked out up close is fucking disturbing, man. 1.00
01:14:31.000 It's awesome, but man, when you see that fucking... 1.00
01:14:33.000 It's like watching somebody with, I don't know, gardening shit. 1.00
01:14:39.000 It just clamps down. 1.00
01:14:40.000 It's like watching a clamp just smash someone's windpipe.
01:14:44.000 It seems like they can't live after that.
01:14:46.000 It seems like you'd destroy their neck.
01:14:48.000 Yeah, you feel like it, but no.
01:14:50.000 Dude's coming right back.
01:14:51.000 Boink! 0.99
01:14:51.000 Joe, did you see that UFC has the Xbox app now where you can just watch live UFCs on Xbox? 0.99
01:14:58.000 Yeah, so you can just sit there and like pay-per-view, but through Xbox.
01:15:01.000 How much does they charge your Xbox?
01:15:03.000 Is that what works?
01:15:04.000 That's sweet.
01:15:06.000 They're doing them in movie theaters as well.
01:15:08.000 They've done them before in movie theaters. 0.99
01:15:09.000 That would be fucking wicked. 0.98
01:15:10.000 That's cool. 0.99
01:15:11.000 But, you know, choke outs, physiologically, not that bad for your body.
01:15:15.000 Head impact is bad.
01:15:17.000 Head impact, they're finding out, is, you know, you gotta limit the amount of times you get hit.
01:15:22.000 That's why for a fighter, it's really important to know when to hang it up.
01:15:25.000 There's a certain amount of shots, and after that, you should really, you should, you know, I know you still like to do it, but you've got to think about your future.
01:15:32.000 Who decides this?
01:15:35.000 Is it always in the decision of the fighter, or can the UFC... Ultimately, it has to be the decision of the fighter, unless someone owns him, unless he's a slave.
01:15:43.000 But as an organization, if you kind of know a guy...
01:15:46.000 Well, the organization, if the UFC decided that someone should be fighting for them, that doesn't keep them from fighting.
01:15:50.000 They'll go somewhere else.
01:15:52.000 The UFC does offer advice to guys, and they care very much for their fighters.
01:15:59.000 Chuck Liddell, they gave him a great job, and part of the reason was they didn't want him to fight anymore.
01:16:04.000 He had this amazing career, but when it's over, it's over.
01:16:06.000 They had one last fight.
01:16:08.000 He lost that.
01:16:09.000 They said, alright, you're right.
01:16:10.000 I'm just going to settle in.
01:16:11.000 They got him an awesome, cushy desk job, and he travels around.
01:16:14.000 He represents the UFC.
01:16:15.000 And the beauty of that is it's like they took care of him.
01:16:18.000 They pulled him.
01:16:19.000 You know what I mean?
01:16:20.000 They said, look, this is it.
01:16:23.000 This is time. 0.99
01:16:23.000 Let's just settle the fuck down. 0.99
01:16:25.000 Let's move on to the next stage of life. 1.00
01:16:28.000 You're a bad motherfucker. 1.00
01:16:29.000 You'll be a bad motherfucker in business. 1.00
01:16:31.000 He'll be a bad motherfucker at anything he wants to do. 1.00
01:16:33.000 But at a certain point in time, it's good to have someone who cares for you that comes in and steps in. 0.99
01:16:38.000 And that's what Dana did.
01:16:39.000 Dana totally hooked Chuck up.
01:16:41.000 Chuck was with him from the beginning.
01:16:42.000 They were together at the beginning, and he's taking care of them.
01:16:45.000 It's awesome.
01:16:46.000 It's awesome to see that.
01:16:47.000 It's awesome to see a guy who knows, like, you know what?
01:16:49.000 This is a smart thing to do.
01:16:50.000 I'm just going to step away.
01:16:51.000 Because it's so hard for fighters, man.
01:16:53.000 That moment, the moment of competition is so intense and so extreme and victory.
01:16:59.000 You know, I've been there while Chuck Liddell won, like, some big, big fights.
01:17:03.000 I was, like, right there.
01:17:05.000 During his heyday, when he was in his prime, man.
01:17:08.000 And having been there and having seen that...
01:17:11.000 If you could ever do that, ever, if you could ever do that, you would want to keep doing it.
01:17:16.000 You would just be convinced, I'm just going to go one more time.
01:17:19.000 I'm going to keep doing it.
01:17:19.000 It's amazing that he could ever stop because it's such a rush for them.
01:17:23.000 I watched him knock these dudes out.
01:17:25.000 I watched him knock Randy Couture out twice.
01:17:28.000 He's just flatlining guys with these punches.
01:17:30.000 It was crazy.
01:17:31.000 And then running around.
01:17:32.000 He was just scared. 1.00
01:17:33.000 Scariest fucking guy on the planet for like a few years, man. 1.00
01:17:37.000 He was terrifying. 1.00
01:17:37.000 When he was just running shit in the UFC, when he was in his true athletic peak, that must have been an amazing feeling. 1.00
01:17:45.000 That life must have been so crazy and exciting. 0.97
01:17:48.000 You're stepping into a cage against the most ferocious guys on the planet and you're smashing them.
01:17:56.000 Smashing them in front of the whole world.
01:17:58.000 Yeah.
01:17:58.000 You know?
01:17:59.000 I mean, his career was incredible, man. 0.99
01:18:02.000 Just fucking incredible knockouts. 0.98
01:18:05.000 The Babalu knockouts. 0.99
01:18:07.000 I mean, he was just a beast, man.
01:18:09.000 When Chuck Liddell was on top, when he was at his best, man.
01:18:12.000 One of the most exciting guys of all time. 0.96
01:18:15.000 So for that guy, you know, it's probably real hard to just accept getting up in the morning and listening to the quiet of your yard as you walk towards your Fucking newspaper that's sitting on your front porch, and you're looking out there, and people are mowing their lawn. 0.93
01:18:31.000 You start shadowboxing. 0.97
01:18:33.000 You start going, maybe just one more fight.
01:18:35.000 Right.
01:18:35.000 You get bored.
01:18:37.000 You want to get back in there. 1.00
01:18:38.000 You want to feel the fucking rush. 1.00
01:18:40.000 You want to... 1.00
01:18:41.000 You know?
01:18:42.000 It's hard for those guys.
01:18:44.000 It's very hard.
01:18:45.000 It's an incredibly difficult transition.
01:18:47.000 I experienced it on the most minute of levels.
01:18:51.000 You know?
01:18:52.000 Just taekwondo and kickboxing.
01:18:54.000 But when I... When I stopped fighting when I was like 20...
01:18:57.000 21 or 22 was my last fight. 0.99
01:18:59.000 I just fucking... 0.96
01:19:01.000 It's a weird decision. 0.97
01:19:03.000 It's a hard decision to do.
01:19:04.000 I know the feeling, man.
01:19:05.000 I get that feeling.
01:19:06.000 Reality gets boring.
01:19:07.000 I get that feeling when I delete StarCraft from my computer.
01:19:13.000 The real problem with me when I was a kid doing martial arts is I worried about two things.
01:19:18.000 One, you couldn't make any money.
01:19:20.000 There was no money in kickboxing.
01:19:21.000 There was nothing back then.
01:19:22.000 You couldn't even kickbox in Massachusetts.
01:19:24.000 You'd have to drive to Rhode Island.
01:19:26.000 It was weird.
01:19:27.000 You could fight in full contact Taekwondo matches in Massachusetts, but you couldn't kickbox.
01:19:32.000 You had to go to Rhode Island for that.
01:19:33.000 And they didn't even have Muay Thai there.
01:19:34.000 It was just like it was a mess.
01:19:36.000 And then there's the brain damage issue.
01:19:39.000 Brain damage is always a concern.
01:19:41.000 I was always thinking about that.
01:19:43.000 Because I knew.
01:19:45.000 I did not do very well in school because I did not want to pay attention.
01:19:49.000 I was just a really distracted kid.
01:19:51.000 I'm sure if I was with the wrong parents, they would have drugged me, especially today.
01:19:55.000 I was super distracted. 1.00
01:19:57.000 But I read a lot of shit. 1.00
01:19:59.000 And being like... 1.00
01:20:03.000 A young kid and not knowing what the fuck is going on with the world and trying to figure things out and trying to read as much as you can to try to piece it together yourself. 0.94
01:20:18.000 It's a very bizarre place to be. 0.96
01:20:23.000 A lot of us get there, right?
01:20:25.000 A lot of people that we know... 0.98
01:20:27.000 Came from a place where when they were really young, they were like, what the fuck is going on with the world? 0.99
01:20:33.000 Yep. 0.99
01:20:33.000 How old do you think you were when you had your first, oh, I think my parents might be fucking crazy thought? 0.99
01:20:40.000 Were you like, these people are in charge of telling me what to do? 1.00
01:20:43.000 This is nonsense. 0.93
01:20:44.000 You're talking crazy talk here.
01:20:46.000 It happened for me the first time that I took LSD. And maybe before that, but when I took LSD for the first time, I can remember...
01:20:57.000 Whenever you take LSD, especially...
01:21:01.000 When I took LSD, what worries do I have? 1.00
01:21:04.000 I'm in fucking high school. 0.99
01:21:05.000 There's nothing in it. 0.99
01:21:07.000 There's no demons to come swimming out of my brain and taunt me with all the myriad of things you get when you're older. 0.97
01:21:14.000 There's just fucking nothing. 0.98
01:21:16.000 You were just open. 0.99
01:21:16.000 I might be upset because a cheerleader that came over to my house, I couldn't figure out how to kiss her. 0.99
01:21:22.000 Maybe that's the biggest problem I'm having at the time.
01:21:25.000 But at that time, when I did it for the first time and had that initial experience, and you go back to your parents who've never taken it, and if you mentioned to them that you'd even taken it, they might want to put you in a drug rehab or they think you're insane or they think you're getting down the wrong track. 0.99
01:21:41.000 You're forced into this place of like, fuck, man. 0.99
01:21:44.000 I can't... 1.00
01:21:45.000 You guys don't even...
01:21:47.000 You don't even know.
01:21:48.000 You don't even understand this new way of experiencing life.
01:21:54.000 And I think there's a lot of people...
01:21:57.000 Who spend their whole lives never knowing that.
01:21:59.000 You don't have to take psychedelics to get to that place.
01:22:02.000 There's other ways to get to that place.
01:22:03.000 But yeah, it's a very strange thing.
01:22:06.000 And those people who never get to that place, they're the ones who are, a lot of them are in control right now.
01:22:11.000 So your life took an inexorable change when you did acid.
01:22:15.000 That was like the point where you look back and you said, this is the point where I went off into this direction.
01:22:21.000 Well, no, I'd say that Taking Acid started with a series of like books.
01:22:27.000 It started with contact with like, you know, the whole weirdness, my whole weirdness started with, or as I recall, it started with me...
01:22:38.000 coming upon this book that my mom had called Raja Yoga by Yogi Rama Chiraka, who, by the way, was never a yogi.
01:22:47.000 It was just some English mystic who wrote this book and lied about being a yogi.
01:22:51.000 But it's a fascinating story.
01:22:53.000 But the book, you know, that was the first time I'd ever read the idea that you're an observer observing yourself, that you're an observer observing That you aren't necessarily the you that can be observed.
01:23:10.000 It's not you.
01:23:11.000 You're the observer state, the mindfulness, the watcher.
01:23:14.000 That's the first time I'd come upon the idea of what's called the Atman, the thing that observes yourself.
01:23:19.000 You know, someone will say, I'm really mad right now.
01:23:22.000 The moment you say, I'm mad, you're creating a distinction between the thing that's observing that you're mad and the thing that's mad.
01:23:31.000 So that observer, that watcher, that's the thing that, that mindfulness is what, you know, throughout My whole life I try to, you know, go into that place of observing myself rather than being the thing.
01:23:44.000 And it's a game that you can play and it really is quite helpful with a variety of problems, especially if you get really angry.
01:23:51.000 If you get really angry and you can stop yourself and just watch.
01:23:56.000 And there's tools you can use.
01:23:57.000 In that book I remember it said, as you walk around, start thinking he is walking.
01:24:02.000 That was like one of the tools.
01:24:03.000 Like it's in a book and you're a character in a book.
01:24:05.000 So when you're going around, you're like, you know, right now he's doing a podcast.
01:24:09.000 Right now he's talking.
01:24:11.000 And so these are activities designed to create this like the watcher, the state of presence of watching.
01:24:17.000 So that started it.
01:24:19.000 That led me to like, you know, and then I found out about, you know, I think I read the electric Kool-Aid acid test, you know, about fucking Ken Kesey and the Merry Pranksters blasting themselves on acid and going to the World's Fair in a bus. 0.99
01:24:34.000 Then I read that shit. 0.99
01:24:35.000 No, I remember! 1.00
01:24:36.000 Wait!
01:24:36.000 I'll tell you, then I'll stop this weird rant.
01:24:39.000 I remember now. 1.00
01:24:41.000 Fucking filmstrip. 0.99
01:24:42.000 That's what it started in my head. 1.00
01:24:43.000 I think I was in like the fourth grade and they showed us a drug filmstrip.
01:24:47.000 Remember filmstrips?
01:24:48.000 Yes, I do. 0.99
01:24:49.000 And it fucking popped up. 0.99
01:24:52.000 There's a guy. 0.99
01:24:53.000 I still remember it. 1.00
01:24:53.000 It's a guy in a fucking... 1.00
01:24:58.000 Empty apartment. 1.00
01:24:59.000 And he's curled against the law in the fetal position.
01:25:02.000 And it's at LSD. And it looks terrible.
01:25:04.000 And then the narrator says, LSD can make you experience hallucinations.
01:25:09.000 You can see dragons.
01:25:11.000 And I remember him saying, you can see dragons. 0.99
01:25:13.000 And I'm like, I want to see a fucking dragon! 0.99
01:25:16.000 How do you see a dragon? 0.99
01:25:18.000 That sounds awesome! 1.00
01:25:20.000 Fuck the empty apartment and the fetal position. 1.00
01:25:22.000 I'll figure it out. 1.00
01:25:24.000 That guy's a pussy. 1.00
01:25:26.000 What are you crying? 1.00
01:25:27.000 You saw a dragon, you little bitch? 1.00
01:25:29.000 You took acid. 1.00
01:25:30.000 What did you expect?
01:25:31.000 And that put it in my head.
01:25:33.000 It's like, well, you know, I think that that's an interesting thing to explore.
01:25:38.000 But...
01:25:41.000 Oh, that's hilarious.
01:25:42.000 So you think that you were like two Duncans, like Duncan 1 and Duncan 2?
01:25:46.000 Like Duncan 1 is like regular Duncan growing up, innocent boy, boom, psychedelics, and then Duncan 2, 2.0.
01:25:53.000 Yeah, there's definitely a Duncan 2 that happened, I'd say.
01:25:58.000 And then that Duncan 2 changed too, man.
01:26:00.000 Because as you get older, the best thing that can happen to you is you get knocked off track.
01:26:06.000 That's the best thing that can happen to you in general.
01:26:08.000 Because generally the track you're on has been set for you by people who never got off their track.
01:26:15.000 You end up the child of someone who decided to have you in their 20s, 21, 22. They're not going to know a lot of stuff.
01:26:22.000 They're not going to understand the universe that much unless they came from a really good family of like, Artists or intelligent people, chances are they're scared, hungry, desperate, angry.
01:26:33.000 They don't want to be in the relationship anymore.
01:26:35.000 They don't want to be monogamous anymore. 0.99
01:26:37.000 The idea of non-monogamy to them might just seem insane. 0.99
01:26:41.000 Who the fuck knows? 0.99
01:26:43.000 But you're born into that planet. 1.00
01:26:46.000 That's the atmosphere you're born into.
01:26:48.000 That's what you're breathing when you're first born.
01:26:50.000 And that can set you on a weird path.
01:26:52.000 And that's a very sad path that you can get on. 0.99
01:26:54.000 And so, hopefully, if you're lucky, you'll come across somebody who knocks you off that fucking path. 0.98
01:26:59.000 You know, I remember the guy who hooked me up with acid. 0.98
01:27:01.000 I remember sitting in the theater of my school, because I was a drama nerd, and I was sitting in the theater of my school next to this guy.
01:27:08.000 I love the way you said that, too.
01:27:09.000 Next to this guy, Brad.
01:27:11.000 And I remember sitting, and we were talking, and he mentioned tripping on LSD. And I'm like, what?
01:27:19.000 He's like, oh yeah, I took acid over the weekend.
01:27:20.000 I'm like, what?
01:27:23.000 You can get acid?
01:27:26.000 The movie, the life of Duncan.
01:27:29.000 Somebody must animate this.
01:27:31.000 Somebody, please. 0.99
01:27:32.000 I know you're folks out there that animate shit. 0.99
01:27:35.000 You gotta animate this. 0.99
01:27:37.000 That moment.
01:27:39.000 Took me to...
01:27:41.000 And this is really weird.
01:27:42.000 Tell me what the first trip was like.
01:27:44.000 I'd love to.
01:27:45.000 The first trip was...
01:27:47.000 It was white blotter.
01:27:49.000 White blotter paper.
01:27:51.000 It was just white blotter.
01:27:54.000 Somehow, if you don't know this, LSD gets put on sheets which look like blotter paper.
01:28:00.000 And sometimes they have designs, sometimes they don't.
01:28:02.000 But the name...
01:28:04.000 It usually is a reference to the design on the sheet.
01:28:09.000 Purple Jesus, White Blotter, Lips.
01:28:12.000 There's a million different names for the different types of acid.
01:28:15.000 So this is just white.
01:28:16.000 Who knows what it was?
01:28:17.000 But it was really good.
01:28:18.000 And I can remember, I took it.
01:28:22.000 And you have to, you know, it takes 30 to 45 minutes, sometimes longer for it to kick in.
01:28:26.000 I still remember I was sitting in my friend's trailer, in a trailer park in North Carolina, sitting in an empty bathtub, like an empty jacuzzi tub that was in this trailer, and I'm sitting there, and they're watching Star Wars, and I'm sitting in this bathtub.
01:28:42.000 And all of a sudden, the greatest feeling just started going through my legs and up into my body. 0.97
01:28:50.000 And it was a fucking sword fight. 0.99
01:28:52.000 It was a lightsaber fight. 1.00
01:28:54.000 And I'm listening to that.
01:28:56.000 But all of a sudden now, the sound's echoey.
01:28:58.000 Like someone's turned an echo up on it.
01:29:00.000 So it's like...
01:29:02.000 It's kind of bouncing around. 0.88
01:29:04.000 It's beautiful and I feel so fucking good. 0.93
01:29:07.000 I started laughing. 0.74
01:29:08.000 It seemed so funny.
01:29:09.000 Then I went outside and lay in the grass.
01:29:11.000 I'm staring at the sky.
01:29:13.000 Everything's beautiful.
01:29:15.000 Trails.
01:29:15.000 You put your hand in front of your face and it's just this rainbow of hands drifting in front of your face.
01:29:22.000 Everything's breathing.
01:29:23.000 Then my friends come running out because they knew this was the first time I was tripping.
01:29:26.000 And they all start jumping over me.
01:29:28.000 They're like jumping over me as I'm laying. 0.67
01:29:30.000 And they're laughing and we're all fucking laughing and it's just perfect.
01:29:35.000 Then, I remember... 1.00
01:29:36.000 Somebody pulled their cock out. 1.00
01:29:38.000 That's when they pulled. 1.00
01:29:40.000 That's when we all started fucking. 1.00
01:29:42.000 We fucked and fucked. 1.00
01:29:44.000 And then a dog came by and we grabbed the dog and started fucking the dog. 1.00
01:29:49.000 No. 0.99
01:29:50.000 No, it was beautiful.
01:29:51.000 Country in the spirit of acid. 0.99
01:29:52.000 Yeah, there was no fucking happening. 0.99
01:29:54.000 There was a lot of laughing. 0.99
01:29:57.000 I remember going into my friend's shitty high school car and sitting and pulling the seat back and looking at the ceiling. 0.84
01:30:05.000 Wow. 0.99
01:30:06.000 And I'm looking at the ceiling and it's fucking... 0.76
01:30:09.000 Hieroglyphics or some kind of like ancient writing you know I don't even think I knew what Sanskrit was at the time but I'd probably be like oh I'm seeing Sanskrit some kind of runes or glyphs all over my friend's car that's just kind of breathing and warping and it's just beautiful so yeah that was the that was the first time and and once you've had that experience how do you go back to a world a normal kind of world if First time I ever did acid.
01:30:34.000 I've told you this before.
01:30:36.000 I met Kurt Cobain.
01:30:37.000 How crazy was that?
01:30:38.000 Wow.
01:30:39.000 Tell that story again.
01:30:41.000 I think I died this night, by the way.
01:30:44.000 I have this new theory that...
01:30:45.000 This is what made me think of a theory that every time you die, you don't know that you died, but then you left this world and everyone else in this other parallel world, they think you died.
01:30:55.000 They went to the funeral.
01:30:56.000 This is where I thought this from was...
01:30:58.000 The first time I did Acid, me and my girlfriend at the time, that was Marissa, we went to go see...
01:31:03.000 Holla, Melissa.
01:31:04.000 Why?
01:31:05.000 We went to go see Nirvana, and she had Acid. 0.99
01:31:08.000 And I've never done Acid before.
01:31:10.000 She goes, let's do Acid and see Nirvana. 1.00
01:31:12.000 So we took Acid, and the opening band was on, which is some Asian band that just screamed the whole time, and it was like, you know, it's kind of like... 1.00
01:31:19.000 I don't know, annoying.
01:31:21.000 So I was sitting next to the side of the stage and Kurt Cobain comes around the corner and just comes out.
01:31:26.000 It was really dark so no one could see it.
01:31:28.000 And he's just standing right next to me. 0.98
01:31:29.000 I look over and I'm like, oh my fucking god, it's Kurt Cobain. 0.98
01:31:32.000 And I was like, hey, what's up? 0.98
01:31:33.000 And he goes, hey, what's up?
01:31:34.000 You want a Cheeto?
01:31:35.000 And he held out his bag, and I'm like, yeah.
01:31:37.000 And so I held on the Cheeto, and then suddenly he's just like, somebody goes, oh, Kurt!
01:31:41.000 And then he just throws all the Cheetos out in the crowd, and then it returns backstage.
01:31:45.000 I'm holding this Cheeto, and I'm like...
01:31:46.000 He threw the Cheetos in the crowd?
01:31:48.000 Yeah, like he had a bag of Cheetos that he was eating from.
01:31:49.000 He just threw it at the crowd?
01:31:51.000 Yeah, he just threw Cheetos everywhere.
01:31:52.000 I mean, this is like a mosh pit in Dayton, Ohio.
01:31:56.000 You know, like, side of the stage, like a rock club, you know?
01:31:58.000 Hair Arena, I think it was. 0.99
01:32:00.000 There's a fucking video of Dana White getting in a mosh pit. 0.99
01:32:02.000 Have you ever seen it? 1.00
01:32:03.000 No.
01:32:04.000 Yeah, he went to a Rage Against the Machine concert. 1.00
01:32:07.000 The motherfucker got in a mosh pit. 1.00
01:32:08.000 He's got security guards looking out for him and shit. 1.00
01:32:10.000 He jumped in a mosh pit. 1.00
01:32:14.000 So I took this Cheeto and I put it in my pocket.
01:32:17.000 I'm like, I'm going to save this Cheeto.
01:32:19.000 And then I started tripping really hard.
01:32:22.000 It was an amazing concert.
01:32:24.000 On the way home, we're driving and we go by and I'm driving and this is a thunderstorm of rain.
01:32:28.000 I'm still tripping.
01:32:29.000 And you're tripping on acid.
01:32:30.000 And I'm tripping on acid.
01:32:31.000 Those are responsible citizens. 0.96
01:32:33.000 And then, this is even better, and I swear to God, you could ask her, I'm not going to say who she is on here, but we started fucking while I was driving in the rainstorm on acid for my first time. 0.96
01:32:43.000 Jesus Christ. 1.00
01:32:44.000 You fucking baby killer. 1.00
01:32:45.000 And that's where I think I died the first time. 1.00
01:32:46.000 One of the first times I died.
01:32:47.000 It might be, man.
01:32:49.000 Yeah, you could have died.
01:32:50.000 Isn't that a theory that you said to me once?
01:32:54.000 Yeah, it's the idea that when you die...
01:32:56.000 I think, yeah, you're the one who said that before.
01:32:57.000 Yeah, it's a multiverse idea. 1.00
01:33:00.000 The idea is you're a fucking... 0.99
01:33:02.000 An eternal being. 1.00
01:33:04.000 You're an eternal being.
01:33:05.000 Your body is like a radio that tunes you in.
01:33:09.000 Tunes your specific personality in.
01:33:13.000 And the moment you die, that radio frequency pops into something else.
01:33:17.000 So there's no death.
01:33:19.000 It's not like you die and there's nothingness or emptiness.
01:33:23.000 And it's not like you die and you're born as a baby and get to start over again.
01:33:26.000 It's like something happens.
01:33:28.000 You're driving down the street and you're like, man, why is that guy in my...
01:33:30.000 And then all of a sudden you open your eyes and you're, you know...
01:33:34.000 Getting up, going to work.
01:33:35.000 Going to work.
01:33:35.000 You're like, man, that was a weird dream.
01:33:37.000 And then you start that life again.
01:33:38.000 It goes on forever like that.
01:33:41.000 The horrible idea, especially horrible to bring it up to anybody who's had poor fortune in this life, is to somehow or another connect it with past lives.
01:33:50.000 Have you ever heard someone say that? 0.99
01:33:51.000 Like, oh, he must have been a real fuckhead in his past life. 1.00
01:33:53.000 And it's like, wow, are you sure? 1.00
01:33:57.000 I mean, are you sure?
01:33:59.000 Could it just not be a roll of the dice?
01:34:02.000 And maybe part of your karma is recognizing that.
01:34:05.000 I think that, yeah, that's why I like the, you know, Buddha.
01:34:09.000 I like Buddha said, don't think about the afterlife so much.
01:34:15.000 I think even Christ said, I am the God of the living, not the God of the dead.
01:34:18.000 The idea being like...
01:34:19.000 I like how you did that with a voice.
01:34:20.000 Yeah, I am the God of the living!
01:34:22.000 It's a good...
01:34:23.000 I think real spiritual masters always tend to try to bring people back into the present moment because it's like, you know what?
01:34:30.000 The present moment is everything. 0.93
01:34:31.000 I know when shit goes wrong in my life, I know why it went wrong. 0.99
01:34:35.000 I don't have to go back to when I was a friar in the 1800s and fisted a fucking nun. 0.99
01:34:42.000 I know that if shit's going wrong right now, generally it's like, because I'm fucking up now. 0.99
01:34:47.000 And people can get lost. 0.99
01:34:49.000 People can start blaming their karma or where they're at right now on past lives, and it puts them in this place of stupid hopelessness, and they don't do the things they need to do right now to get to a better place. 0.99
01:35:00.000 Praise Jesus. 0.99
01:35:01.000 Praise the Lord!
01:35:02.000 Say his name. 1.00
01:35:03.000 So many fucking things. 1.00
01:35:03.000 Say his name. 1.00
01:35:04.000 So many simple things you could do, man.
01:35:06.000 Here's what you have to do.
01:35:07.000 This is my new theory.
01:35:10.000 Identify the vampire in your life.
01:35:13.000 Find the vampire. 0.98
01:35:15.000 Identify the parasite. 0.99
01:35:16.000 Well, it doesn't have to be that you have parasites in life.
01:35:19.000 It is possible that you could have gotten lucky and there's no parasites and you get off groovy.
01:35:23.000 Sure.
01:35:23.000 No, I'm not saying everyone's got one.
01:35:25.000 But if you got one. 0.99
01:35:26.000 If you're walking around with those fucking vampire blues, you've got the fucking heavy heart and you can't feel happy and you feel bad. 0.99
01:35:35.000 There may be an action that you need to take that you're afraid to take. 1.00
01:35:41.000 That's the vampire. 1.00
01:35:42.000 And you've got a fucking... 1.00
01:35:44.000 Not even a person. 0.99
01:35:45.000 Oh no, I mean, it's a situation.
01:35:47.000 I see what you're saying.
01:35:48.000 Find the vampire in your life. 1.00
01:35:50.000 Yeah, find the life-sucking situation that you're afraid to kill. 0.98
01:35:53.000 And the reason I say vampire is because vampires only go where they're invited.
01:35:57.000 And generally, the situation that you're in, you invited it in.
01:36:01.000 You invited this thing into your life, and now it's sucking your life energy and your blood and your happiness away.
01:36:09.000 A lot of times, you'll try to believe, you'll try to convince yourself that this thing is not a vampire. 1.00
01:36:14.000 But in your heart, you know you're a servant to a fucking bloodsucker. 1.00
01:36:19.000 You're a Renfeld. 1.00
01:36:20.000 This thing is like sucking your life essence away. 0.96
01:36:23.000 Sometimes it's doing it with a trade.
01:36:26.000 Quite often they'll be a bad trade.
01:36:28.000 You'll be, you know, whatever the situation you're in, you'll feel like you're in the situation, you know, it's worth it, it's kind of bad, but it's totally worth it.
01:36:35.000 This happens with jobs quite often, you know, where you're like, well, you know, but it's good enough.
01:36:41.000 That's the vampire. 1.00
01:36:42.000 You gotta take a fucking steak. 1.00
01:36:44.000 And drive it into its heart. 1.00
01:36:46.000 How do you kill a vampire? 1.00
01:36:47.000 Two ways. 0.98
01:36:47.000 Direct action. 0.98
01:36:48.000 You don't kill a vampire by, like, making up with a vampire.
01:36:51.000 You don't kill a vampire by, like, having a sit-down talk with a vampire.
01:36:54.000 You're not gonna be able to, like, you know, make friends with a vampire. 0.92
01:36:59.000 There's two ways to kill a vampire. 1.00
01:37:00.000 One, you fucking, you know, put a stake in its heart. 1.00
01:37:04.000 The other one is light. 1.00
01:37:05.000 Sunlight.
01:37:06.000 Truth!
01:37:07.000 Light!
01:37:08.000 It's the greatest metaphor of all time.
01:37:10.000 You shine the light of truth onto the situation, fearlessly analyze it, and then you'll destroy it.
01:37:18.000 Because if you really allow yourself to...
01:37:19.000 If you can act.
01:37:21.000 You gotta act.
01:37:21.000 The real problem with people is not recognizing the enemy.
01:37:24.000 It's acting on that enemy.
01:37:25.000 That's the real problem.
01:37:26.000 That's it.
01:37:27.000 And that enemy being personal.
01:37:29.000 Your personal demons.
01:37:30.000 Your personal jihad.
01:37:32.000 That's it.
01:37:33.000 Your personal issue.
01:37:34.000 You've got to fight the beast.
01:37:35.000 And you know what I mean?
01:37:37.000 And everybody's beast is different.
01:37:39.000 Chapter 2 of the Bhagavad Gita.
01:37:40.000 Arjuna's dejection.
01:37:42.000 Arjuna is drawn between these two forces.
01:37:44.000 He does not want to fight.
01:37:46.000 He drops his bow and God says to him, rise to the fight.
01:37:51.000 Fight.
01:37:52.000 You're a warrior.
01:37:53.000 This is what you're here for.
01:37:54.000 Fight. 1.00
01:37:56.000 It's better to die. 1.00
01:37:57.000 It's better to die in a righteous battle than go skulking off into the fucking woods and be a beggar. 1.00
01:38:02.000 It's better to fucking do what you do when you're a warrior. 1.00
01:38:05.000 You gotta fucking do it, man. 1.00
01:38:07.000 It fucking sucks. 1.00
01:38:08.000 When you're drunk and you want to throw up and you try to not make yourself throw up, just throw up. 1.00
01:38:14.000 You'll feel better.
01:38:16.000 You'll feel better in the end.
01:38:17.000 When you're puking, it's gonna suck because you're helpless and you can't breathe. 0.99
01:38:19.000 go through it man fucking jab a fucking knife into the foot not literally of course but yeah you gotta act and you gotta make the big fucking decisions sometimes and it's scary if it wasn't scary it wouldn't be worth anything yeah for some people it's almost like they don't know how to start They know that there's action they need to take in their life, but they're paralyzed trying to think about it, trying to figure out how to start. 0.99
01:38:41.000 And they can never gather up the courage to get away. 0.99
01:38:45.000 That's why a lot of people stay in abusive relationships.
01:38:47.000 They don't have the courage to leave.
01:38:49.000 Exactly.
01:38:49.000 Because it's scary and it seems like there's so many things that people will, like, ideas people will create that will keep you trapped in whatever prison you're in.
01:38:58.000 It's very similar to... 0.86
01:39:01.000 What you're talking about in the UFC, with these fucking fighters, this is a visual representation of what anyone can do in their life. 0.97
01:39:09.000 Not all of us are going to, obviously, be world-class fighters in a ring in front of the entire planet and fucking knock someone out. 0.92
01:39:17.000 But you have, in your life right now, if you haven't already done this, you have the chance to be heroic. 0.96
01:39:24.000 You have the ability right now to make a heroic act that could kill you.
01:39:30.000 That's the thing.
01:39:31.000 These actions, it's not always guaranteed that because you do the right thing, you're going to end up in a great place. 0.98
01:39:36.000 You might end up fucked.
01:39:37.000 You might end up temporarily homeless, or you might end up temporarily jobless. 0.99
01:39:43.000 If there wasn't risk associated with it, you would have already done it.
01:39:47.000 That's the point.
01:39:48.000 If there wasn't risk associated with it, it wouldn't be worth anything. 0.99
01:39:51.000 If Mount fucking... 0.97
01:39:53.000 You know, if the Himalayas were, you know, a little grass-covered hill in a park, nobody would take pictures of them at the top putting a flag into it. 0.99
01:40:03.000 The danger makes it heroic, you know? 0.99
01:40:06.000 So, sometimes you just have to fucking... 0.99
01:40:08.000 I sound like Tony Robbins. 1.00
01:40:09.000 Take the leap! 1.00
01:40:10.000 Kill the vampire in your life! 1.00
01:40:12.000 Kill the vampire in your life is a brilliant speech, dude. 1.00
01:40:15.000 You're dead right. 0.96
01:40:16.000 I stopped you because I'm like, not everybody has a bad person in your life, but I didn't know that that's what you mean.
01:40:22.000 You're absolutely dead right.
01:40:23.000 I always say that the energy vampires that you have in your life are really your number one enemy.
01:40:31.000 They keep you from enjoying good times.
01:40:33.000 Everybody knows that one person where you settle down and you're like, Finally I can fucking relax and you turn on the television and then someone for whatever fucking reason will decide that they have to talk to you now and they want to get angry at you now. 0.99
01:40:47.000 It could be a guy or a girl, whoever the fuck it is. 0.95
01:40:50.000 It's one person that wants to, they want to have power over you somehow or another and they want to stop you from doing what you want to do. 0.99
01:40:56.000 There are people that have issues in relationships because one of the people in the relationship has some sort of a transparent issue with the other person.
01:41:04.000 And what they try to do is they try to control that person from doing things that they want to do.
01:41:08.000 Anytime the guy wants to go play basketball or something like that.
01:41:13.000 They come up with a reason why now is the time I would really like you to take me shopping or now is the time.
01:41:17.000 It's almost like they want to see if they can drag you away from the thing that you like to do, thus proving that they're the most important thing in your life.
01:41:26.000 Right.
01:41:26.000 And you know what, man?
01:41:27.000 That's fucking sad. 0.99
01:41:28.000 Well, you know what it is. 0.99
01:41:29.000 It's instincts.
01:41:30.000 It's instincts.
01:41:31.000 This is how a girl will behave if you don't keep the pimp hands strong. 1.00
01:41:33.000 And that's a fact.
01:41:34.000 That's a fact.
01:41:35.000 The only reason why girls get away with stuff like that is because guys let them get away with it. 1.00
01:41:40.000 Just like, you know, the real issue with guys being douchebags to girls, of course, is the physical violence issue.
01:41:46.000 It's not fair. 0.99
01:41:47.000 It's not fair if you're, you know, if you're fucking two chicks getting in a fight with each other, you know, two lesbians, and you're basically the same size, you know, hey, you know, I don't want you to fight, but... 1.00
01:41:56.000 I don't know why you're fighting, but hopefully you got a good reason. 0.98
01:41:59.000 But it's not a mugging.
01:42:01.000 It's not a man beating up a woman.
01:42:03.000 So physical fights are completely out of the question.
01:42:05.000 Out of the question.
01:42:06.000 And then what else is left?
01:42:08.000 What else is left?
01:42:08.000 Trying to explain each other to each other?
01:42:11.000 Arguing with each other?
01:42:13.000 Trying to piece it all together?
01:42:15.000 Not understanding their side at all?
01:42:19.000 We certainly have to protect people from that kind of violence.
01:42:26.000 That's one of the ways that we know there's some sort of a weird disconnect between what we're capable of and the way we currently behave as a human race. 0.96
01:42:38.000 The fact that it's even possible that we have a real issue with men beating the fuck out of women. 0.98
01:42:42.000 That's a real issue. 0.99
01:42:43.000 Women who get in relationships and get beat up. 1.00
01:42:45.000 That's terrifying, man.
01:42:47.000 That's terrifying. 1.00
01:42:48.000 That's scary shit. 1.00
01:42:50.000 Yeah, it's scary. 1.00
01:42:52.000 There was a girl that I dated when I was in high school, and she was really crazy. 1.00
01:42:55.000 She had super strict Catholic parents, and she was really pretty. 0.99
01:43:02.000 She was just nuts, man.
01:43:04.000 We didn't see each other for years, and then one time I was at this... 0.94
01:43:10.000 It might have even been years.
01:43:11.000 It may have been months.
01:43:11.000 I might be exaggerating.
01:43:12.000 But I hadn't seen her in a long time. 0.99
01:43:13.000 When you're 17 years old, six months might as well be fucking years. 0.97
01:43:17.000 Things are accelerating. 0.99
01:43:19.000 You're graduating from high school.
01:43:21.000 You know what I mean?
01:43:23.000 And I met her and she was telling me that she had this new boyfriend that hit her and that she liked it.
01:43:28.000 It was the craziest conversation.
01:43:31.000 And I was like, whoa.
01:43:32.000 And first of all, I was thinking, thank God I never hit her.
01:43:35.000 Because what if I liked it too? 0.97
01:43:36.000 What if you date a girl and she would totally start fights and totally do shit to piss me off, but I never thought she wanted to get hit. 1.00
01:43:45.000 You can't hit a girl. 1.00
01:43:46.000 It's silly. 1.00
01:43:47.000 Like hitting the face or hitting the vagina? 1.00
01:43:49.000 She likes to get smacked. 1.00
01:43:50.000 She likes to get smacked in the face. 1.00
01:43:52.000 She likes to get rocked. 0.98
01:43:54.000 Yeah, it's crazy, but she was telling me that she didn't understand it.
01:43:57.000 No, she was not rationalizing it.
01:43:58.000 Oh, you're talking about...
01:43:59.000 No, she was being really honest with me.
01:44:00.000 She was like, I'm so confused.
01:44:02.000 You're talking about S&M? She wasn't a dumb girl. 1.00
01:44:03.000 No, no, no. 0.98
01:44:04.000 No, no. 1.00
01:44:04.000 Talking about a dude basically just smacking her around and fucking her like really rough and beating her up. 1.00
01:44:10.000 Some girls actually like that. 1.00
01:44:12.000 There's like a weird thing in them that wants...
01:44:15.000 I mean, obviously, they don't want to get injured, but they want to get roughed up.
01:44:18.000 They want to just get hair pulling and smacked in the head. 0.98
01:44:21.000 Ah! 0.92
01:44:22.000 And this girl was like into getting smacked. 1.00
01:44:23.000 It was like really crazy to hear.
01:44:25.000 I was like, I don't know what to say.
01:44:26.000 I'm like, you know what I said to her?
01:44:29.000 I said, listen, you can only get hit so many times in the head before you get brain damage.
01:44:32.000 You really have to consider that.
01:44:34.000 Sounds like that already happened. 1.00
01:44:35.000 I said, this guy's fucking you all the time, and every time he's fucking you, he's hitting you in the head. 1.00
01:44:41.000 I'm like, do you have headaches? 1.00
01:44:43.000 I started asking her things I asked fighters.
01:44:45.000 Like, do you get headaches?
01:44:46.000 How do you sleep at night? 0.99
01:44:48.000 Like I'm a brain doctor or some shit. 0.99
01:44:50.000 I was like, you can't let that dude hit you in the head. 0.99
01:44:52.000 But for whatever reason, it turned her on.
01:44:55.000 Can you imagine having to tell someone, you shouldn't let that guy hit you in the head.
01:45:01.000 Well, no, man, because, you know, what's confusing is guys can be, like, super loving after they do it because they feel terrible, and then they're, like, really, really, really affectionate.
01:45:11.000 Yeah, they're really affectionate.
01:45:12.000 Some of them aren't even that, you know, but with a lot of people, they're the ones that, like, get drunk and blame it on getting drunk, and that's why they're abusing each other.
01:45:20.000 It's a sad world out there and there's a lot of sad homes in America.
01:45:23.000 There's a lot of sad, sad...
01:45:25.000 It's just broken people.
01:45:27.000 It's broken people interacting with each other.
01:45:29.000 It's broken people interacting with each other.
01:45:30.000 All could be fixed with mushrooms.
01:45:32.000 With the Duncan Trussell Shamanic Institute of America.
01:45:36.000 We propose to correct all of these problems with plants.
01:45:40.000 That'd be great.
01:45:41.000 And the wisdom of the indigenous people of the Amazon rainforest.
01:45:44.000 For a combination of chanting and fleshlights, we will transform your... 0.98
01:45:49.000 Well, the fleshlight use is mandatory when you're meditating at my ashram because I don't want anybody horny. 1.00
01:45:54.000 I don't want, like, while you're in there and you're, you know, you're supposed to be doing your alms, you're thinking about getting your dick sucked. 1.00
01:46:00.000 But you know what, man? 0.99
01:46:01.000 You know, like, the way, like, I read this great autobiography of Timothy Leary, and they were talking about, I can't remember the name of the famous house that he lived at, but where they were all tripping out and, like, constantly taking LSD. They would do this.
01:46:14.000 They were all swingers.
01:46:15.000 So there'd be, like, guys and girls there.
01:46:17.000 Guys banging guys.
01:46:18.000 They were, right?
01:46:19.000 Yeah.
01:46:20.000 Occasionally.
01:46:20.000 I think so, yeah.
01:46:21.000 I think they're awful.
01:46:23.000 But I think Timothy Leary is pretty straight. 1.00
01:46:27.000 He was always dating models and shit. 0.99
01:46:28.000 Really? 0.99
01:46:29.000 Yeah.
01:46:30.000 That's why America hated him.
01:46:32.000 A bunch of haters.
01:46:33.000 But what they would do is they would have this weird thing.
01:46:36.000 Because what they were trying to do is they were trying to dissolve the reality.
01:46:40.000 They were trying to dissolve... 0.99
01:46:43.000 All the fucking ego constructs, of which one of them is monogamy. 1.00
01:46:47.000 Monogamy is an ego construct where you want to be the only person who is fucking the person that you're with, and they want you to be the only person to be fucking them. 0.99
01:46:59.000 This is like a basic way that most people enter into relationships. 0.94
01:47:03.000 So what these guys would do is they would have married couples, and what they would do is randomly Two people would be picked, a man and a woman, to go into this bowling alley that they had, and they would stay there for like three days straight and just take acid the whole time. 0.98
01:47:16.000 And they would always end up fucking. 0.94
01:47:20.000 I bet there was a lot of babies where nobody knew who the father was. 1.00
01:47:23.000 Oh, for sure.
01:47:24.000 That I'm sure that happened all the time.
01:47:26.000 Well, that was McKenna's idea, was that an orgiastic mushroom cultures that existed in his, you know, I really think that's kind of, a lot of it was his imagination of what could have been possible.
01:47:36.000 Because it doesn't seem like that you really explain exactly what these people were doing, you know, 10,000 years ago in Choctaw, Hyuk, and all these different places.
01:47:43.000 But he had this idea that they developed this sort of an orgiastic mushroom style of living.
01:47:51.000 And then people would get together and they would just come.
01:47:53.000 So they would raise each other's kids.
01:47:54.000 They would all be loving each other and all taking care of each other's kids.
01:47:59.000 And I'm like, wow, that's kind of trippy.
01:48:02.000 It makes me think.
01:48:04.000 Could you live in a world like that?
01:48:07.000 We all are just automatically possessive of our loved ones, our sexual partners, your wives and boyfriends and husbands.
01:48:14.000 And it feels terrible.
01:48:15.000 Yeah.
01:48:15.000 Well, yeah, it does.
01:48:17.000 But it also feels great when you have each other to count on and you have this really cool relationship and you know each other well.
01:48:23.000 Oh, no, that's fantastic.
01:48:23.000 Right.
01:48:24.000 But the idea that someone like you're connected, like you're not even allowed to touch another body.
01:48:30.000 Like everyone else is like, get away, get away, get away!
01:48:32.000 Get away, you're connected, you're connected to the You're connected to the one.
01:48:35.000 Think how that feels, man.
01:48:37.000 Strange.
01:48:38.000 The feeling that inspires that is not a loving feeling. 0.99
01:48:42.000 It's a fucking fear feeling. 0.98
01:48:43.000 No, it's because men and women have completely different wiring. 1.00
01:48:47.000 And for a lot of women, and not all of them, some women just want dick all around every corner. 1.00
01:48:52.000 Some women, and that's their prerogative, man. 1.00
01:48:54.000 If you're young and hot and you want dick around every corner, you should be able to get it. 0.99
01:48:57.000 Like, what is that bad? 1.00
01:48:58.000 What, it's only good when you fuck her? 1.00
01:49:00.000 No, that's not bad. 1.00
01:49:00.000 People are goddamn crazy. 1.00
01:49:02.000 They really are. 1.00
01:49:03.000 Like, there's a fucking whore. 1.00
01:49:04.000 If she was fucking you, you'd be like, I got so lucky, dude. 1.00
01:49:07.000 We had one smile. 1.00
01:49:09.000 And she goes, you want to come up to my room?
01:49:10.000 I said yes. 1.00
01:49:11.000 You know, like, how come when you score, it's awesome, and when she scores with other dudes, she's a fucking whore? 1.00
01:49:17.000 Well, I'll tell you why. 1.00
01:49:19.000 The reason that is, is because our descendants were fucking sexually oppressed psychopaths, and we still have that in us. 0.99
01:49:26.000 And I know there's a genetic... 0.99
01:49:27.000 It's a little of that, but it's also that we know that girls that are freaks like that, it's a rare thing. 0.98
01:49:30.000 It's a weird thing.
01:49:31.000 It's probably a weird combative thing. 1.00
01:49:33.000 I think women are getting a really shitty position where they gotta feel bad if they fuck a few guys. 1.00
01:49:38.000 Right. 1.00
01:49:38.000 And that's not fair, and I know some of it's genetic, but I know... 1.00
01:49:42.000 Well, every relationship gets stale.
01:49:44.000 Taking out the idea, the genetic idea why men want to reproduce with as many women as possible.
01:49:50.000 Even if you didn't have that instinctive nature, there's still the idea that being with one person would just get stale.
01:49:56.000 Imagine this.
01:49:57.000 Somehow from your mind is removed all the negative or weird or strange connotations about sex.
01:50:04.000 Now sex is just a physical experience of oneness with another person.
01:50:09.000 So there's no – nothing from the zeitgeist has been put in your head.
01:50:13.000 Now imagine eating mushrooms and all of a sudden being in the experience of having sex with a group of people with zero sexual inhibitions, with zero guilt.
01:50:26.000 Just pure hedonistic pleasure as you sort of merge.
01:50:30.000 This I completely agree with in the terms of like a utopian society.
01:50:36.000 But the way our world runs, it's like my thoughts on it have always been, and my advice has always been, that when you find someone who you really enjoy hanging out with, hang out with them.
01:50:51.000 And whatever...
01:50:52.000 If you get to a point where you really trust them and you're really honest with each other and you're really enjoying each other, find out what bothers that person.
01:51:01.000 What is it?
01:51:01.000 Is there a genetic thing that you have maybe that I don't have?
01:51:03.000 What is it?
01:51:04.000 Yeah, I don't like me. 0.92
01:51:06.000 And if you can do that, if you can find someone you really sync up with and you actually enhance each other, Then the relationships are fucking beautiful.
01:51:13.000 The real problem is most people, they're not even into exploring their own consciousness.
01:51:19.000 They're not into exploring the origin of their own thoughts.
01:51:22.000 They're not really into self-examination.
01:51:24.000 They're not really into a lot of different things that lead to sometimes problematic conversations that you have.
01:51:30.000 Especially when they have a commodity and the commodity is that they're an attractive woman. 1.00
01:51:35.000 And you're in some sort of a weird situation where there's a master over you.
01:51:39.000 It also depends on the way you get into the thing.
01:51:42.000 If you look at the entry mechanism into these things, quite often it's purely based on physicality.
01:51:48.000 Yes.
01:51:49.000 The problem is that the drug of sex, it's really exciting and thrilling to get to the I love you part as quick as possible so the sex can get really intense.
01:52:01.000 Yeah.
01:52:02.000 And that is one of the things that happens when you really love someone. 0.99
01:52:04.000 You can fuck someone that you think is hot and it's like a sexual thing and it's a real big turn on. 0.99
01:52:10.000 But it's not like fucking someone that's hot that you love. 0.99
01:52:13.000 It's just not the same. 0.95
01:52:14.000 Oh yeah, and that first awesome time when you're just getting into a relationship where the person says, I think I'm falling in love with you and you've been feeling that.
01:52:22.000 Yeah, oh my god. 0.99
01:52:22.000 Holy shit, man! 0.99
01:52:24.000 Fireworks! 0.99
01:52:24.000 It's the greatest! 0.99
01:52:27.000 So for some people, they'll look for an artificial that.
01:52:31.000 If you get lucky and you actually do have that, wow, that's so lucky.
01:52:36.000 The stars have to align.
01:52:37.000 So many people get in situations where the person they're with is just a little off, man.
01:52:42.000 Just whatever it is.
01:52:43.000 Just a little off. 0.99
01:52:44.000 Have you ever seen that awful, what I consider to be the most grotesque experiment of all time where the fucking, they took a monkey, a little baby monkey, and they gave him a wire. 0.99
01:52:54.000 Oh, I did. 0.99
01:52:55.000 Yeah, I don't even want to talk about this.
01:52:57.000 It disturbs me so much. 0.99
01:52:58.000 They covered a fucking, like a little box with fur. 1.00
01:53:02.000 Yeah, and the fucking thing's clinging to it. 1.00
01:53:05.000 See, now here's the thing. 1.00
01:53:06.000 It's crazy.
01:53:07.000 Some people, but a lot of people are in that relationship where they're clinging to something that's not even real and they've tricked themselves into thinking that...
01:53:18.000 And the real issue is the root, the other person.
01:53:20.000 The real issue is the people that are raising these people.
01:53:22.000 The real issue is how everyone starts out neutral with whatever blend of personality.
01:53:28.000 I bet almost every kid, unless they have some serious neurological difficulties, almost every kid could be rendered a positive human being by the right people.
01:53:36.000 They're surrounded by the right people.
01:53:38.000 What we're doing is by putting the most important thing for the resources of the human race, the youthful people developing into contributing members of society who can Actually add to the culture, add to the experience, add to the process. 1.00
01:53:52.000 And we're putting the development of our most valuable resource in the hands of everyone and anyone, including retards, morons, assholes, douchebags, fuckheads, everyone in between. 1.00
01:54:04.000 There's a bunch of crazy motherfuckers shitting out kids every day, and you can't say anything about it because then you're Hitler. 1.00
01:54:11.000 And then, you know, are you a fan of eugenics? 1.00
01:54:14.000 Do you know how that didn't work in the past?
01:54:15.000 Guess what else isn't working?
01:54:17.000 This!
01:54:18.000 Well, yeah.
01:54:18.000 This overpopulation by monkeys isn't working either.
01:54:21.000 Well, that's why you got to be a bit of a – I mean, if you start waking up to – Yeah, we got to wake all these people up and figure out a way to reevaluate – I mean, not reevaluate, but reset people's minds, to reset people's – whatever it is that your operating system is – wherever it's failing. 0.89
01:54:38.000 You know sometimes I'll get these really fucking flattering tweets from people who listen to this.
01:54:45.000 I'm like, man, I wish I had friends like you guys in my hometown to talk to. 0.75
01:54:49.000 And that's really a super sweet thing to say.
01:54:51.000 But I always think to myself, you know what?
01:54:53.000 Why don't you go make some? 0.99
01:54:56.000 Why don't you fucking turn into a... 0.99
01:54:58.000 It's hard, man. 1.00
01:54:58.000 I know it's hard. 1.00
01:54:59.000 Especially once you get out of high school.
01:55:00.000 If you're in a small town.
01:55:02.000 I don't mean go make some in the sense of like...
01:55:05.000 I don't mean...
01:55:06.000 No, I mean...
01:55:07.000 It's a wicker.
01:55:08.000 Like baskets? 0.82
01:55:09.000 No, not...
01:55:10.000 A wicker!
01:55:12.000 Why don't you go weave a friend? 1.00
01:55:15.000 No, I'm saying what you do is...
01:55:16.000 You gotta be the force that maybe throws somebody off their track.
01:55:21.000 You might have to be the thing that does that. 0.61
01:55:24.000 The people I owe the most to are the people who manage to fucking knock me off my track. 0.89
01:55:30.000 Manage to fucking bring to me music I'd never heard before. 0.92
01:55:34.000 Show to me books I'd never heard before. 0.99
01:55:36.000 And then all of a sudden, that steers you out of the fucking public sector. 0.98
01:55:43.000 Well, that's what you're doing. 0.99
01:55:44.000 That's what you're doing right now.
01:55:45.000 What you're doing right now is doing that exact same thing to all these hundreds of thousands of people that are listening to this.
01:55:51.000 It's the exact same thing.
01:55:54.000 You're doing what you're saying has always been greatest in your life.
01:55:59.000 You're introducing ideas into people's heads that they probably never would have come up with.
01:56:04.000 Or might not have come up with today.
01:56:07.000 Who knows?
01:56:08.000 Given the right amount of experience and time, anybody could probably...
01:56:10.000 That's the idea that thoughts aren't your own.
01:56:13.000 You're just tuning into them like some sort of a...
01:56:15.000 That's it.
01:56:15.000 That's it.
01:56:16.000 Well, that's the idea.
01:56:17.000 But is that it?
01:56:18.000 Because I've struggled with that.
01:56:19.000 Because I like it.
01:56:20.000 It sounds beautiful.
01:56:20.000 It sounds kind of spooky and crazy.
01:56:22.000 Yeah. 0.79
01:56:22.000 But it also makes me think, I wonder if it's just that the mechanism for retrieving really good, interesting, creative ideas, that the mechanism for thinking, you have to have all your resources, all your facilitating resources, so the ego has to be fucking completely quiet. 0.79
01:56:41.000 And if the ego is not completely quiet, the ego is like, I'm going to get some fucking new clothes so I can look slick. 0.81
01:56:49.000 And I'm thinking about getting a nose ring. 0.98
01:56:51.000 Nose rings are pretty hot.
01:56:52.000 Chicks are really into that. 1.00
01:56:53.000 I wonder if my hair would be cooler if it was blonde.
01:56:55.000 And you start really tweaking.
01:56:57.000 Your ego starts wigging out on your...
01:56:59.000 Maybe I should get myself a new Cadillac. 1.00
01:57:01.000 Chicks dig that shit. 1.00
01:57:02.000 And you start, you know, fucking, I'm tired of being the VP at work. 1.00
01:57:06.000 I'm going to step it up this year. 1.00
01:57:08.000 And I'm going to demand the fucking, you know, you start getting crazy, ego-y. 0.99
01:57:12.000 And it like, it cuts out all the noise. 1.00
01:57:16.000 I mean, it makes, it creates too much noise.
01:57:18.000 And the creative mind, the zen mind, the humble mind, there's not enough resources.
01:57:24.000 So this is a, you know, you use this tool.
01:57:27.000 And this tool is to say, oh, I'll just pretend they're not even my thoughts.
01:57:30.000 I'm just tuning them into the universe.
01:57:32.000 I'm so humble. 1.00
01:57:33.000 So what you're doing is, with this philosophy, like putting it through this filter, you've just shut your fucking nasty, stupid ego up. 1.00
01:57:39.000 Sure. 1.00
01:57:40.000 By saying that you're just a vessel and you're just tuning these things in.
01:57:43.000 Well, yeah, and you know what, man?
01:57:44.000 And I'm not arguing now.
01:57:45.000 I'm saying it's like either or, right?
01:57:46.000 Here's how I look at it.
01:57:48.000 Or it's not either or. 0.99
01:57:49.000 Whatever fucking vehicle you need to use to get to the point where the thing's turned off, use it. 0.96
01:57:55.000 If you need to conceptualize it by thinking you're connecting with some kind of super intelligent consciousness that just wants the planet to be happier because it doesn't want the planet to die and it's giving its own voice to as many people as allow it to. 0.97
01:58:08.000 Whatever that, that's a vehicle.
01:58:10.000 What that is, any ideology like that, it's a vehicle for you managing happiness.
01:58:15.000 It's a vehicle, you know? 0.95
01:58:16.000 And so when you get in a fucking bus to get to point A, B, or C, it's not the bus, it's the point that you're getting to. 0.98
01:58:23.000 Use the vehicle. 1.00
01:58:24.000 Use whatever mechanism you have to use to dissolve your ego to the point where you're not going to turn into a fucking dick. 0.99
01:58:30.000 Because the moment you start claiming ownership over whatever it is, man, I think the most obvious version of it is super attractive people who act like they deserve it, who act like they've done something for it. 0.99
01:58:44.000 Yeah, that's unfortunate.
01:58:44.000 Think how ugly that makes it.
01:58:46.000 It's gross. 0.98
01:58:46.000 It makes them ugly. 0.98
01:58:47.000 It's so sad when really pretty girls say nasty shit. 1.00
01:58:50.000 Right. 1.00
01:58:50.000 You just want to say, like, God, do you know how fucking lucky you are to be as pretty as you are? 1.00
01:58:54.000 You should be, like, so happy all the time. 0.95
01:58:56.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:58:57.000 To shit on what another girl looks like? 1.00
01:58:58.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:58:58.000 Oh, my God. 1.00
01:58:59.000 And it makes them ugly. 1.00
01:59:00.000 It's so unfortunate because of all the shit you could talk about, like, when a really hot chick shits on a girl for not being so pretty, like, wow, that's like, damn. 1.00
01:59:09.000 But, dude, what is more deadly and attractive than a super hot girl... 1.00
01:59:14.000 Who doesn't care that she's super hot. 1.00
01:59:17.000 Who's managed to overcome all the fucking years of being worshipped by people. 0.99
01:59:22.000 And it's just normal and cool. 0.99
01:59:23.000 That's a heart crusher.
01:59:25.000 The problem with that girl is she's not going to be one of nine wives in the cult. 0.99
01:59:29.000 She's too fucking smart. 1.00
01:59:31.000 Thinking for herself and shit. 1.00
01:59:33.000 My post-apocalyptic cult, she'll have no place. 1.00
01:59:37.000 Well, you know what?
01:59:38.000 You can make her the high priestess of the cult, man.
01:59:40.000 Oh, yeah.
01:59:41.000 I like the way that goes. 0.99
01:59:42.000 The idea is you just got to fucking... 0.98
01:59:44.000 The idea is don't get caught up in ownership. 0.98
01:59:46.000 Well, the idea is continue to advance and always analyze.
01:59:49.000 Observe.
01:59:50.000 Look at all the people around you.
01:59:51.000 Look at all the different influences, all the different things you can draw from online.
01:59:55.000 Take what is useful.
01:59:56.000 Analyze yourself.
01:59:58.000 It's a process.
01:59:59.000 We're all a part of this process.
02:00:00.000 You and I have both seen each other evolve.
02:00:02.000 We just don't really realize it as much because we've evolved together.
02:00:06.000 But if we went back in time 10 years ago to when we met, when did we meet?
02:00:10.000 It was about 10 years ago.
02:00:12.000 A little over that, I think, really.
02:00:14.000 Yeah, it might have been like 2001 or something.
02:00:17.000 Wasn't like even before that, dude.
02:00:19.000 I knew you before 9-11.
02:00:20.000 Joe, I bet you don't remember this.
02:00:22.000 I remember the first time I met you.
02:00:24.000 Really?
02:00:24.000 Yes.
02:00:25.000 This was when I was Corey's assistant at the comedy store.
02:00:29.000 And I was sitting next to you.
02:00:32.000 And you were...
02:00:33.000 I think you had...
02:00:34.000 This was right around when you just started smoking weed.
02:00:37.000 You were kind of a marijuana...
02:00:39.000 Starting to become a marijuana advocate at this time.
02:00:42.000 But it wasn't...
02:00:43.000 This was way...
02:00:43.000 It's called my annoying face.
02:00:44.000 No, but it was really funny.
02:00:46.000 Yeah, it was an annoying thing.
02:00:47.000 It was really funny because I was sitting...
02:00:49.000 Come on, man!
02:00:50.000 No, I was sitting next to you.
02:00:51.000 And at the time, I went through this being a marijuana advocate phase a few years before.
02:00:59.000 But I remember sitting next to you and we were talking about weed.
02:01:01.000 And as a joke, because I didn't know you that way.
02:01:03.000 You didn't know me. 0.77
02:01:04.000 And as a dumb joke, I was like, man, weed should be illegal. 1.00
02:01:07.000 And you shot me this fucking look, man. 1.00
02:01:10.000 You were like... 1.00
02:01:11.000 You should make an accent. 0.99
02:01:11.000 Because you thought... 0.99
02:01:13.000 He put some fake dreadlocks.
02:01:14.000 He put a mop on his head.
02:01:15.000 He was all Gary Oldman.
02:01:17.000 Hey, man.
02:01:18.000 I said it should be illegal.
02:01:20.000 And you seemed so pissed. 1.00
02:01:21.000 And then Corey was like, shut up, shut up. 1.00
02:01:24.000 Don't say anything. 0.99
02:01:25.000 Because we didn't know each other. 1.00
02:01:26.000 And I could have seemed like a real asshole at the time. 0.98
02:01:29.000 I don't remember that at all. 0.98
02:01:31.000 I know.
02:01:31.000 You might just be a little paranoid.
02:01:33.000 I think you tuned me out.
02:01:34.000 I probably went, ugh.
02:01:35.000 I don't think I got angry with you.
02:01:38.000 You didn't get angry. 1.00
02:01:39.000 I probably just seemed like an annoying idiot. 1.00
02:01:41.000 You're probably like, how dare you? 1.00
02:01:42.000 I was making a joke out of the blue.
02:01:43.000 One of two things.
02:01:44.000 Either you were trying to make a joke, which would be not funny, and I would be bored with it.
02:01:47.000 That's what happened. 1.00
02:01:49.000 Or I'd be like, what an asshole. 1.00
02:01:51.000 I think it was the former. 1.00
02:01:53.000 But then after that, we started talking on the phone, and we'd start having conversations like this on the phone. 0.97
02:01:59.000 Duncan and I used to have these fucking 45-minute phone calls. 0.98
02:02:02.000 Yeah. 0.98
02:02:02.000 I'd call him up. 0.98
02:02:03.000 Because Duncan was the dude who, like, you'd say, hey, I can work Tuesday through Thursday this week.
02:02:08.000 He'd go, okay, cool.
02:02:08.000 And then they'd get together and create a schedule.
02:02:10.000 You'd call Duncan, would get your avail.
02:02:13.000 So me and Duncan just started talking on the phone.
02:02:15.000 I don't know what started it off. 0.98
02:02:16.000 We'd have these crazy-ass 45-minute fucking, while he's working at the comedy store. 0.97
02:02:22.000 And every now and then I'd be like, oh, hold on a second, dude, sorry. 0.99
02:02:24.000 He'd put me on hold.
02:02:25.000 I'd have to answer some other phone call.
02:02:27.000 I'd see you both laying in your bed with your little Swatch phones. 1.00
02:02:30.000 Both baked as fuck. 1.00
02:02:32.000 Doug was high on the job every goddamn day he worked there. 1.00
02:02:35.000 It was a natural progression for me to stay high on the job doing Fear Factor as well. 0.99
02:02:39.000 Everybody was high when they were working.
02:02:42.000 That's how you got through work.
02:02:44.000 When you started working there, I remember you went through this little struggle where you wanted to be a comic, but they didn't take you seriously while you're still working there.
02:02:52.000 That's right.
02:02:53.000 I had to go. 1.00
02:02:54.000 You had to kill the vampire, man. 1.00
02:02:56.000 You had to kill the fucking vampire there. 1.00
02:02:59.000 Anytime you fucking kill that vampire, if you survive, flowers will rain from heaven on your life. 1.00
02:03:06.000 Flowers will bloom, man. 1.00
02:03:06.000 You can get better. 1.00
02:03:08.000 Everybody can get better.
02:03:08.000 We can all advance and move forward.
02:03:10.000 But you gotta be positive as fuck. 0.99
02:03:12.000 Don't be convinced that you have anything figured out, whether it's the secret or Buddhism or whatever the fuck it is. 0.99
02:03:18.000 Don't be convinced, man. 0.98
02:03:19.000 Don't be convinced.
02:03:19.000 This world might be entirely made up of imagination.
02:03:24.000 It might be.
02:03:25.000 It might be entirely made up of imagination.
02:03:27.000 The more time moves forward, the more I wonder if there's a theory, and I believe that you were the first one to introduce me to this theory as well, the theory that your life, the world that you live in, is really something that your own mind has created. 0.97
02:03:42.000 And as you get older and your body starts to slowly deteriorate and progress towards death in your own particular universe, that's when the shit hits the fan and it all goes down.
02:03:53.000 And you've managed to manufacture this idea inside your mind that the life you experience is an actual real life, when what it really is, is just a series of events that have been tied together to prepare you for the next stage of existence. 0.96
02:04:09.000 That's right, man.
02:04:10.000 And the more that you can let go of your attachments to this particular life and become the thing that is throughout the evolutionary cycle, then the less traumatic death will be.
02:04:23.000 Can you imagine if that really does get proved someday?
02:04:26.000 And everybody will be like, what? 0.99
02:04:28.000 Your imagination controls your fucking life? 1.00
02:04:31.000 God damn it! 1.00
02:04:32.000 I could have made a fucking awesome life! 1.00
02:04:34.000 I just fucked up and rewired everything all wrong! 1.00
02:04:37.000 I made this shitty life! 0.99
02:04:38.000 Could you imagine if that was really the case? 1.00
02:04:40.000 You believed what the fucking... 1.00
02:04:41.000 Fuck! 1.00
02:04:41.000 It would be such evil information that people wouldn't even want it to get out. 1.00
02:04:46.000 That would be a religious issue.
02:04:48.000 People might withhold that.
02:04:49.000 They found out that we are, in reality, architects of our own world, our own universe.
02:04:54.000 And that each one of us is actually that thing.
02:04:59.000 Well, here's a weird idea.
02:05:03.000 Imagine there's a hell, and the only way that you could keep the people in hell was making sure that they didn't realize that at any second they could turn that hell into heaven.
02:05:14.000 You had to keep them oblivious to this idea.
02:05:17.000 You would realize that the thing you're talking about, the things that obscure the light, so to speak, of making people's lives great, it's like TV. It's the media.
02:05:26.000 Every time you turn the fucking TV on, it's showing you death and destruction. 1.00
02:05:30.000 When you turn on the radio, they're talking about wars and bombs. 1.00
02:05:33.000 Everywhere you go, look, it's darkness, darkness and darkness.
02:05:36.000 It's like people are really trying to keep our consciousness focused on the dark instead of on the light.
02:05:42.000 But if there was a global movement to try to get people's minds to shift from the obsession with death and all the forms of negativity that so many people are focused on and to turn their minds towards the beauty And towards friendship and towards healthy sex and towards embracing each other, then really this entire planet could transform into some version of heaven, I think.
02:06:11.000 A form of paradise.
02:06:16.000 Ultimately and eventually, but right now?
02:06:18.000 How long is it going to take?
02:06:20.000 I think it's going to take...
02:06:21.000 Something's going to have to happen, right?
02:06:23.000 Well, it's some form of invention.
02:06:25.000 We either get an invention, we get an alien, or we get destruction.
02:06:30.000 To quote Morrissey, if it's not love, it's the bomb that'll bring us together.
02:06:36.000 That would be awesome if you didn't quote Morrissey. 0.99
02:06:38.000 I'm sorry, but it's a great fucking quote! 0.99
02:06:40.000 He said it, man! 0.99
02:06:41.000 What is his real name?
02:06:44.000 What is his real name?
02:06:45.000 Is that his real name?
02:06:47.000 Don't ask me that.
02:06:48.000 Every goth on the planet is going to hate me forever if I can't answer that right away. 1.00
02:06:53.000 I don't know.
02:06:54.000 I think his name is Morrissey.
02:06:55.000 It would be a really cool quote if he just said his name, not just Morrissey.
02:06:58.000 You know, maybe it's Ronald, Ronald Morrissey?
02:07:01.000 Ronald Morrissey?
02:07:02.000 I hope so!
02:07:03.000 Stacey.
02:07:04.000 What, Gary Morrissey?
02:07:06.000 You know, it's a more legitimate quote, though.
02:07:07.000 It's so funny how Morrissey would never have gotten...
02:07:09.000 It's like one name, like a rapper.
02:07:10.000 He never would have gotten famous if on his albums it said Gary.
02:07:17.000 Dude, have you heard Gary?
02:07:19.000 Let's go.
02:07:20.000 Gary's kind of a mystic.
02:07:21.000 I have a mystic.
02:07:22.000 His name is Gary.
02:07:23.000 No, your mystic has been named Abadan Shalfalakan.
02:07:26.000 Oh, he's got to be that.
02:07:26.000 It's Steven, actually.
02:07:27.000 Yogi Ramacharaka.
02:07:28.000 Yogi Ramacharaka.
02:07:31.000 It's Steven, by the way.
02:07:33.000 Steven.
02:07:34.000 I knew someone who...
02:07:34.000 Is it really?
02:07:35.000 I knew someone who got really into yoga and changed her name. 0.55
02:07:38.000 She insisted you call her by her new name.
02:07:40.000 I think there's a usefulness...
02:07:42.000 A yoga name.
02:07:42.000 I understand that.
02:07:43.000 I think there's a usefulness to that.
02:07:44.000 I think that there's a...
02:07:45.000 Reinvention.
02:07:45.000 That's a good tool, man.
02:07:46.000 And I understand why people do that.
02:07:47.000 Because if you think about your name and where it came from...
02:07:51.000 Like, we're not getting named in the way people used to get named.
02:07:54.000 People used to get named on...
02:07:56.000 You know, based on their actions and stuff.
02:07:58.000 The real name would come later. 0.99
02:07:59.000 We get named on what some fucking... 0.99
02:08:02.000 22-year-old dope decided that the little pink wriggling thing that you were should be called, you know? 0.99
02:08:09.000 I want to name after my great-grandfather.
02:08:11.000 Is that why you were named after Duncan?
02:08:13.000 I don't know where...
02:08:13.000 You were named after Donuts.
02:08:15.000 I don't know where the name came from, but I do understand this idea of, like, rebirth, or the idea of, like, once you get knocked off track, why not go really deep and fucking just rename yourself altogether? 0.97
02:08:28.000 That is the best cult speech I've ever heard in my life.
02:08:31.000 That's the way to get people to really drink that Kool-Aid. 0.98
02:08:34.000 Just jump in. 0.81
02:08:34.000 Balls first. 0.81
02:08:35.000 Come on, man.
02:08:36.000 Why not?
02:08:36.000 Go for it.
02:08:36.000 Just get in there, son.
02:08:37.000 Well, take the big jump.
02:08:39.000 Change your name into a crazy new name. 1.00
02:08:41.000 Your name's Duncan, bitch. 1.00
02:08:42.000 If I was Joey Diaz, you've been Duncan since you were a fucking baby! 1.00
02:08:45.000 Now all of a sudden you want to change governments? 1.00
02:08:48.000 Well, I mean, look at fucking Cat Stevens. 0.99
02:08:50.000 Yeah, that's not a good example. 1.00
02:08:52.000 Crazy asshole. 1.00
02:08:53.000 Supporting the fucking murder of Salman Rushdie. 1.00
02:08:56.000 Get out of here, man. 1.00
02:08:56.000 Or Prince. 1.00
02:08:57.000 You're an artist.
02:08:58.000 Didn't work for Prince.
02:09:00.000 Prince did it for recording rights reasons.
02:09:03.000 Oh, really?
02:09:04.000 Yeah, he had an issue with them owning his name.
02:09:07.000 I don't think it always works, but I think sometimes I do.
02:09:10.000 I can understand the usefulness of it as a tool.
02:09:12.000 I can understand it as a way to create the differentiation between the person that you were in your earlier phases and who you've become.
02:09:21.000 I don't think it's always good.
02:09:22.000 I think if people allow me to name them, I will name them beautiful names that they'll be quite pleased with. 0.99
02:09:27.000 How crazy is it that Prince changed his name to a fucking symbol? 0.99
02:09:30.000 What an amazing move that was. 1.00
02:09:33.000 Really an amazing move.
02:09:34.000 Amazing move.
02:09:36.000 I mean, that's how you get out of a legal contract.
02:09:38.000 You're not even a name anymore. 1.00
02:09:40.000 You're just some fucking squiggly crazy thing. 1.00
02:09:44.000 You know, I mean, the language of contracts is so ridiculous in the first place. 1.00
02:09:48.000 The idea that there's anything you could ever sign away where that person owned you and your likeness. 0.99
02:09:54.000 How the fuck can you sell that? 0.96
02:09:57.000 You don't own that anymore? 0.99
02:09:58.000 You can't use your own likeness?
02:09:59.000 Now you have to use this crazy symbol?
02:10:01.000 Like, really? 1.00
02:10:02.000 Fucking signature? 1.00
02:10:03.000 Just, like, the signing shit? 1.00
02:10:05.000 Yeah, like, you give up that name. 0.99
02:10:06.000 You give up the name Prince or Duncan Trussell, you know?
02:10:09.000 Especially if it was, like, a Larry the Cable Guy thing where it was, like, a name you made up.
02:10:14.000 That's a property.
02:10:15.000 An intellectual property.
02:10:16.000 My first name is Charles.
02:10:19.000 My name is Charles.
02:10:19.000 Jesus Christ, dude.
02:10:21.000 You just fucked up, man. 1.00
02:10:22.000 I don't care. 1.00
02:10:22.000 Charles Duncan Trussell is now the latest name on Twitter. 1.00
02:10:26.000 Charles.
02:10:26.000 Right now.
02:10:27.000 Shh, shh, shh.
02:10:28.000 What's wrong with that?
02:10:29.000 The problem is that guy's going to confuse everybody.
02:10:31.000 He's going to have a picture of you that looks exactly like your Twitter picture.
02:10:34.000 And when you change it, he's just going to copy it and paste it.
02:10:37.000 Make his own Twitter picture.
02:10:38.000 Don't do this.
02:10:39.000 This always comes with some mystery hacker.
02:10:42.000 You're instructing people right now.
02:10:44.000 Every time you have an issue, he's going to know a little bit more of how to fix your issue.
02:10:48.000 And he's going to give you some awesome advice.
02:10:50.000 And you're going to start really getting freaked out as to how this fake Duncan Trussell really knows how to manage the real Duncan Trussell's life.
02:10:56.000 And then you're eventually just going to We live under the assumption that this fake Twitter account, Charles Duncan Trussell, is actually the universe giving you advice through Twitter.
02:11:05.000 Can't wait.
02:11:06.000 Charles.
02:11:06.000 I can't wait to meet my true self.
02:11:08.000 You're not going to get to meet him.
02:11:09.000 You're going to get to communicate with him online.
02:11:10.000 But Charles Duncan Trussell will be giving you information.
02:11:12.000 So what's about to happen?
02:11:13.000 So Joe, are you about to start a Twitter account? 0.96
02:11:15.000 No, I'm not doing shit. 0.96
02:11:17.000 The universe is going to do this for us. 0.85
02:11:18.000 I love it.
02:11:19.000 Charles Duncan Trussell.
02:11:19.000 And now you have three names.
02:11:21.000 So what you have to do is now, you know, you have various untold issues in your life.
02:11:26.000 I'm sure we all do.
02:11:27.000 Get online and tweet them.
02:11:28.000 And then say, Charles Duncan Trussell, what should I do now?
02:11:31.000 And it's like calling him.
02:11:33.000 It's like Candyman, Candyman, Candyman.
02:11:36.000 And he'll come with awesome advice. 1.00
02:11:38.000 Names are so stupid. 1.00
02:11:39.000 Charles. 1.00
02:11:40.000 I picked Duncan when I was a kid.
02:11:42.000 My name's Joe.
02:11:43.000 It's like about as boring as it gets.
02:11:44.000 Yeah, I started off as a Charles, and then my parents, I think, started just calling me Dunk.
02:11:50.000 And then I decided I wanted to be called Duncan instead of Charles.
02:11:54.000 And so then that's when I became Duncan.
02:11:56.000 Maybe it's because you knew that one day you would work with Fleischer.
02:11:59.000 So it wasn't even your head.
02:12:02.000 So it's not even your middle name?
02:12:04.000 It's my middle name.
02:12:05.000 Well, they just added it later?
02:12:07.000 No.
02:12:08.000 Sometimes, for some reason, in the West, when we name people, we'll give them three names.
02:12:12.000 It won't just be a first and a last.
02:12:14.000 It'll be like...
02:12:15.000 Joseph James Rogan.
02:12:16.000 Joseph James Rogan.
02:12:18.000 So you get these extra names for some reason. 1.00
02:12:21.000 The whole thing's just idiotic. 1.00
02:12:22.000 Brian Howell, right? 1.00
02:12:23.000 Brian Allen.
02:12:24.000 Brian Allen.
02:12:25.000 B-A-R. So yeah, you gotta fucking pick this name. 0.99
02:12:31.000 You can choose your middle name or your first name. 0.99
02:12:33.000 Even the fact that there is a first name.
02:12:35.000 And some people, they're so narcissistic, they just name their kids after themselves.
02:12:39.000 And that's where you run into seconds and thirds?
02:12:42.000 George Foreman.
02:12:42.000 George Foreman named all his kids George.
02:12:45.000 Echoes.
02:12:45.000 So now you're making echoes.
02:12:47.000 Little fucking genetic echoes named after you. 1.00
02:12:50.000 It's just a terrible thing to put into someone's mind. 1.00
02:12:53.000 Yeah, my whole family is completely unoriginal.
02:12:55.000 I was Joe.
02:12:56.000 My father's name was Joe.
02:12:57.000 My grandfather's name was Joe.
02:12:59.000 My grandmother's name was Josephine.
02:13:01.000 Really?
02:13:02.000 Yeah, completely unoriginal.
02:13:03.000 Just, yeah.
02:13:04.000 Yeah, it's a very odd thing.
02:13:06.000 Well, it was a fact.
02:13:07.000 I really requested a lot of Joe.
02:13:09.000 That's what I wanted.
02:13:10.000 So I just, in my life, in my lineage, you know, when I was creating myself and my imagination.
02:13:14.000 Oh, I see, yeah.
02:13:15.000 I decided I wanted to really see what happens if you overdose on Joe.
02:13:17.000 I want a ton of Joes back there. 1.00
02:13:19.000 Come out of the gate, gun swinging.
02:13:21.000 Well, who knows? 1.00
02:13:22.000 Well, it's unoriginal names, the fucks. 0.99
02:13:26.000 Everybody's Joe. 0.99
02:13:27.000 Come on.
02:13:28.000 Everybody?
02:13:28.000 Really?
02:13:29.000 Stop it.
02:13:29.000 Everyone's Brian.
02:13:31.000 You're Brian Allen?
02:13:32.000 Can you imagine if you became a stand-up and you called yourself Brian Allen?
02:13:35.000 B.A. And you'd go to clubs and everybody would be like, what the fuck, man? 1.00
02:13:37.000 I thought it was that black guy that interviews comedians. 1.00
02:13:40.000 They'd all be coming to see you.
02:13:41.000 If you go on to Wolfram...
02:13:44.000 Alpha?
02:13:45.000 Yeah.
02:13:46.000 You can put your name in and see how many people right now are existing with your name.
02:13:50.000 Whoa, that's creepy.
02:13:51.000 If you really want to feel insignificant.
02:13:53.000 Well, I've talked to one on the phone, Joe Rogan at JoeRogan.com.
02:13:56.000 Seemed like a nice guy, ex-military guy, but he wanted a lot of money for the site.
02:13:59.000 He sought dollar bills.
02:14:00.000 And I'm like, alright.
02:14:01.000 He does not look like ex-military.
02:14:02.000 He's got his own website running there and he's been doing it for a while.
02:14:05.000 Yeah, he's an ex-military guy.
02:14:07.000 He doesn't look like ex-military.
02:14:08.000 He looks more like, I don't know, a scientist?
02:14:11.000 Well, when they get older, they look like older men.
02:14:13.000 That's weird. 1.00
02:14:15.000 Brian thinks he should have a flat top and a fucking knife in his teeth. 0.99
02:14:19.000 He looks like the opposite, though. 1.00
02:14:20.000 He doesn't seem like a soldier.
02:14:23.000 So, Duncan, we leave in the morning. 0.97
02:14:26.000 I know, we gotta wake up fucking early. 0.94
02:14:29.000 I'm gonna do the Rosie O'Donnell show. 0.96
02:14:31.000 That's so romantic.
02:14:32.000 I'm excited.
02:14:33.000 I like Rosie O'Donnell.
02:14:34.000 I'm a Rosie O'Donnell fan.
02:14:35.000 Hey, can I say one thing real quick?
02:14:37.000 Yeah. 0.89
02:14:37.000 Because something fucking cool happened and I want to announce it. 0.89
02:14:41.000 I did this South by South... 0.97
02:14:43.000 I got invited to go to South by Southwest.
02:14:45.000 Yeah. 0.94
02:14:45.000 And they offered me this shitty deal. 0.94
02:14:47.000 I won't go into it here, but if you want to see the deal, look up. 0.86
02:14:50.000 Hitler gets invited to South by Southwest. 0.84
02:14:52.000 It's so great.
02:14:53.000 Because I was just complaining because they don't fly the comics out and it's just generally a bum deal.
02:14:58.000 And I'm just saying this because pretty much right after I... From that video, I got invited to this awesome festival that's happening in Austin called the Moon Tower Comedy Festival.
02:15:09.000 And that's happening in April, and they just are doing the press releases today, and I just think it's so fucking cool that they're showing that festivals can pay performers, pay airfare, and put them up, which isn't that insane an idea.
02:15:23.000 It's just normal, but it's beautiful.
02:15:26.000 I don't understand how anybody ever got away with anybody working for free when you're making money.
02:15:29.000 I don't get...
02:15:30.000 Unless South by Southwest is some amazing charity that I don't understand.
02:15:34.000 They're not.
02:15:34.000 It's not a charity, but what...
02:15:35.000 It's not?
02:15:36.000 Are you sure?
02:15:37.000 Uh, yeah, I'm real sure.
02:15:39.000 Should we know that?
02:15:39.000 Should we Google that?
02:15:41.000 There's probably all these poor puppies that are crying somewhere.
02:15:44.000 We should Google that just to be sure.
02:15:45.000 Yeah, I have a feeling they would have said it by now based on the awesome videos I've been making.
02:15:50.000 Yeah, let's look up if South by South.
02:15:51.000 Yeah, but you can't just assume like that, right?
02:15:53.000 Listen, I'm getting my apology letter.
02:15:55.000 South by South. 1.00
02:15:56.000 You better start typing that shit. 1.00
02:15:58.000 $10,000 for charity. 1.00
02:16:00.000 Wow, that's nice.
02:16:01.000 Let's see.
02:16:03.000 Charity.
02:16:04.000 Let's see.
02:16:06.000 South by Southwest.
02:16:07.000 It seems like they do some stuff for charity.
02:16:08.000 You can impact charity without being rich.
02:16:11.000 I'm sure that they do.
02:16:12.000 I'm sure South by Southwest does charity, but when you ask artists to perform for free at your festival that's sponsored by 16 million different corporations, it's a bit of a charity.
02:16:23.000 The strongest memory of South by Southwest 2010 was a rooftop party when the South by Southwest partygoers spontaneously raised $300 towards the purchase of a wheelchair for the nephew of one attendee.
02:16:36.000 The young man was paralyzed temporarily and the family could not afford a wheelchair.
02:16:41.000 That's beautiful.
02:16:42.000 I think that's very nice.
02:16:43.000 That's nice and all, but they have so many sponsors.
02:16:46.000 How many people are paying to go see South by Southwest?
02:16:49.000 Is it expensive?
02:16:50.000 Go to their website.
02:16:52.000 I think the cheapest pass is around $100, but it might be more than that.
02:16:56.000 Wow.
02:16:56.000 So they don't get everybody to work for free, right?
02:16:58.000 They must pay some people.
02:16:59.000 No, I think some of the bigger names get paid, but mostly after I did these videos, mostly what I heard from people is that the idea, here's the concept, to play South by Southwest advocate, the idea behind it is Hey man, it's just we're all having fun out here.
02:17:15.000 It's a party.
02:17:16.000 It's a chance to hang out with a bunch of other comics and have a good time.
02:17:19.000 We don't invite a lot of comics out, so it's an honor to get invited out, and you're going to get a chance to perform.
02:17:25.000 We'll put you up in someone's guest bedroom, but we can't pay you, and we can't pay for your airfare, and if you want to stay in a hotel, you're going to have to pay for your own hotel.
02:17:38.000 Now, I think that that, coming from a festival that really was a charity, like the Make-A-Wish Foundation, or something that was solely raising money for charity, or even a startup festival.
02:17:47.000 What about just a startup festival that seems really cool and isn't making any money?
02:17:52.000 All that totally makes sense to me.
02:17:54.000 It'd be really cool.
02:17:55.000 But I think when it's coming from a festival the size of South by Southwest, which is a I read that 30,000 people come through there a year and they're asking performers to come out for free and to pay for their own ticket. 0.97
02:18:10.000 I think there's something in that that's pretty fucked up. 0.93
02:18:13.000 Dear Southwest Airlines, if you want me to come, I'll totally do it and I'll pay for everything. 0.98
02:18:17.000 Thanks. 0.95
02:18:19.000 It's not Southwest Airlines, knucklehead. 0.98
02:18:21.000 No, we found out. 0.66
02:18:22.000 She was right.
02:18:23.000 Veronica Ricci was right.
02:18:24.000 It is sponsored by Southwest Airlines. 0.99
02:18:26.000 It's sponsored by a fucking airline, man, and they don't even fly the comics out. 0.99
02:18:29.000 Oh, my God. 0.99
02:18:30.000 So it really is.
02:18:31.000 I thought you were joking.
02:18:32.000 He's not joking.
02:18:32.000 She told us that at dinner, and we both laughed at her.
02:18:36.000 I was like, oh, you're so silly. 0.98
02:18:37.000 Well, I thought you were right. 0.99
02:18:39.000 Me too.
02:18:39.000 I thought you knew.
02:18:40.000 No, I didn't know. 1.00
02:18:42.000 God damn it, Brian. 1.00
02:18:43.000 You spread disinformation across the world. 1.00
02:18:45.000 Now you've confused the masses.
02:18:46.000 You didn't know either, though, right?
02:18:46.000 I did not know.
02:18:47.000 No, I don't know anything about...
02:18:49.000 I think it must be an awesome hang.
02:18:52.000 I did one thing once.
02:18:53.000 One festival I did, Summerfest in Milwaukee. 0.98
02:18:56.000 It was fucking great, man. 0.97
02:18:57.000 I loved it. 0.98
02:18:58.000 But I felt weird because I'm on stage and I'm just doing my regular act and there's people with babies or holding babies in the crowd. 0.98
02:19:04.000 I'm like, this is just fucked up. 0.85
02:19:06.000 I like doing stand-up in a place where people come to see stand-up. 0.99
02:19:10.000 That's it.
02:19:11.000 That's it.
02:19:11.000 But no, I think festivals...
02:19:14.000 I've done festivals.
02:19:15.000 Sometimes they're fun.
02:19:16.000 I did the Vancouver Comedy Festival.
02:19:18.000 Comedy festivals are different.
02:19:19.000 They're fun.
02:19:20.000 I'm saying performing at a music festival.
02:19:21.000 Oh yeah, that's a little...
02:19:22.000 Music festivals are way more rowdy.
02:19:25.000 It's way more likely that the people did not come to see that.
02:19:29.000 Right.
02:19:29.000 There's a big difference, man.
02:19:31.000 Comedy festivals are amazing.
02:19:32.000 Montreal is...
02:19:33.000 So fun.
02:19:33.000 I did Montreal several years.
02:19:35.000 I think I did it six years. 1.00
02:19:36.000 It was a fucking... 1.00
02:19:37.000 Insane blast. 1.00
02:19:38.000 That place is great.
02:19:39.000 Super fun.
02:19:40.000 It's a whole town, you know, Montreal, that literally has been privy to these festivals coming in every year.
02:19:46.000 So they have this really high palette for comedy. 0.99
02:19:49.000 It's a fucking great place to do comedy. 0.94
02:19:51.000 We were supposed to go back in March, but unfortunately, the UFC had to move its March date. 0.98
02:19:57.000 They had to move the Montreal date because no champions were available, and they were going to put together a big card for up there, so they postponed it. 0.98
02:20:04.000 I was like, damn! 0.96
02:20:04.000 I was really looking forward to going back to Montreal. 0.96
02:20:07.000 Yeah, well, you know what? 0.96
02:20:09.000 Montreal, I don't care about, like, I don't want to come across, like, I'm like, you gotta fucking, you gotta pay up if you want me to, it's not that at all, it's like. 0.89
02:20:17.000 Oh, no, it's like, it's reasonable. 0.95
02:20:19.000 Just acknowledge something, you know?
02:20:21.000 Montreal pays people.
02:20:22.000 Yeah, they do.
02:20:23.000 Yeah, you get paid.
02:20:24.000 Vancouver pays people.
02:20:24.000 Yeah, they fly you up there.
02:20:25.000 The Moon Tower Festival pays people.
02:20:27.000 Sasquatch pays people.
02:20:28.000 And people have argued, like Stanhope got really mad at the Montreal people and started his own thing just for spite.
02:20:35.000 They called it just for laughs.
02:20:36.000 So he would do it in town.
02:20:38.000 Performed at it.
02:20:38.000 Yeah.
02:20:39.000 There you go. 0.59
02:20:40.000 But if you look at what they're doing, even if you think that they should be paying more, like Stanhope does, it's fucking infinitely better than nothing. 0.88
02:20:51.000 Nothing! 0.98
02:20:52.000 Nothing's ridiculous.
02:20:53.000 Nothing, no hotel room, no airfare.
02:20:55.000 What?
02:20:55.000 Well, no, they said no hotel room, but they say you can stay in someone's guest bedroom.
02:21:01.000 Get the fuck out of here. 0.99
02:21:01.000 Imagine you're staying over someone you don't even know. 0.99
02:21:03.000 And also, the other thing that the guy said to me during these emails, and the guy who books it is a super nice guy.
02:21:09.000 I started feeling guilty because he's a really nice guy, a very friendly guy, but he couldn't acknowledge the one point that I was making, which is that if you're charging tickets, For people to come see performers, you have to pay the performers something.
02:21:27.000 It's just basic logic.
02:21:28.000 That's all.
02:21:29.000 Maybe you don't have enough to pay for everything.
02:21:31.000 Maybe the performers, you can only get them in a hotel and get them out there.
02:21:35.000 Because if you're making them pay for everything, then they're subsidizing your festival.
02:21:39.000 I would go, though, just to be fun.
02:21:41.000 In my opinion, if you're looking at CES, the Consumer Electronics Show, or any of these huge things, people are usually going because it's what they love and it's a collection.
02:21:52.000 And to me, I would go just because it would be an awesome party.
02:21:54.000 It would be awesome doing it.
02:21:55.000 But here's the thing, man.
02:21:57.000 Here's the problem with that in my mind. 0.98
02:21:59.000 The thing that I can't get past is that the reason it's fun and the reason people are going is because of the great fucking performers that are there. 0.98
02:22:06.000 Yeah, unquestionably. 0.97
02:22:07.000 That was the main argument about the comedy store.
02:22:10.000 Remember?
02:22:10.000 The main argument about the comedy store was they were making it out that it was an honor to perform at this star.
02:22:16.000 Yes, they do that every day.
02:22:17.000 You guys are crazy, because this is just a box where you have a microphone, and you turn it on.
02:22:21.000 What you're selling here is art, and the artists are what create the art. 0.94
02:22:25.000 You're selling art.
02:22:26.000 You're selling stand-up comedy.
02:22:27.000 You're not selling a spot.
02:22:29.000 And yeah, it is a popular spot. 0.99
02:22:31.000 It's a popular spot because of the fucking artists that perform there, period. 1.00
02:22:34.000 Period. 1.00
02:22:34.000 That's it. 1.00
02:22:35.000 And that's with big festivals, the same truth.
02:22:38.000 It's the exact same truth.
02:22:39.000 And festivals who are making a shitload of money have this awesome opportunity to...
02:22:45.000 Make things fair.
02:22:46.000 Make things fair.
02:22:46.000 That's all you got to do is make it fair.
02:22:48.000 These concerts like South by Southwest, isn't this where people go to go, hey, we're looking for people for the next year's sitcoms and stuff like that?
02:22:56.000 But with Vancouver, with Montreal...
02:22:59.000 You could say that for any festival.
02:23:01.000 It is though, right?
02:23:03.000 Not for comedy.
02:23:04.000 There's things that get set up, man.
02:23:06.000 They get set up and then they become law.
02:23:08.000 They become like, this is just how it's done. 0.98
02:23:10.000 And there's a lot of them that don't make any fucking sense. 0.92
02:23:13.000 And this is one of them. 0.97
02:23:14.000 The idea that you would perform at something where people profit You know, they make a profit.
02:23:19.000 Yeah, and just pay a little bit.
02:23:21.000 That's the thing with, I mean, this guy, the guy through my emails, this guy Charlie, he seemed really passionate about comedy.
02:23:27.000 He seemed like a really cool guy.
02:23:28.000 It's just, if he would just, you know, if they would just make one small step in the direction, being like, you know what, we thought about it.
02:23:36.000 We should pay airfare for the performers to come out. 0.91
02:23:39.000 That is silly.
02:23:40.000 It's something that's sponsored by Southwest. 0.94
02:23:41.000 That should be a no-brainer.
02:23:42.000 Or have the airfare.
02:23:44.000 Just, Something.
02:23:45.000 Or discount. 0.99
02:23:45.000 Well, it just drives so much fucking business to the town, too. 0.99
02:23:48.000 I mean, I'm looking at an article about nine ways to profit from South by Southwest, even if you weren't there. 0.98
02:23:53.000 And they're talking about figuring out how to profit from this gathering of people.
02:23:57.000 Isn't that amazing?
02:23:58.000 That's like, when you look at human beings as some sort of a life form, and you look at just what this article says, nine ways to profit from South by Southwest, even if you weren't there.
02:24:06.000 The idea that you could be extracting resources from some spot you're not in.
02:24:10.000 No, we're near there!
02:24:11.000 It's very weird.
02:24:11.000 You don't even go there and you're just pulling out a way to profit.
02:24:14.000 Plug your fangs in! 0.88
02:24:15.000 Wait, what is that? 0.76
02:24:16.000 What are you doing?
02:24:16.000 You're profiting.
02:24:17.000 You're pulling money out somehow or another from some place.
02:24:19.000 I mean, I'm not saying you're doing it illegally.
02:24:22.000 I'm not saying you're doing anything wrong.
02:24:23.000 But the idea that you can do that.
02:24:25.000 The idea that you're just...
02:24:26.000 I'm signing checks and sending things out and I'm extracting money from a situation.
02:24:30.000 There's a lot of people in that one spot.
02:24:32.000 We need to get in that one spot and sell them things. 0.96
02:24:34.000 It's very fucking strange. 0.96
02:24:36.000 It's weird! 0.99
02:24:36.000 It's really strange. 0.99
02:24:38.000 People are weird as fuck, man. 0.99
02:24:40.000 When is it? 1.00
02:24:40.000 Southwest, Southwest, like March? 1.00
02:24:42.000 I don't know.
02:24:42.000 I don't remember.
02:24:43.000 What we need to do, you know what we need to do?
02:24:44.000 We need to put together an LA Comedy Festival.
02:24:47.000 LA's one of the best places in the world.
02:24:49.000 I think there's a few, no?
02:24:49.000 Our own, dude.
02:24:51.000 God.
02:24:52.000 Yeah.
02:24:53.000 I don't want to join anybody else's festival.
02:24:54.000 Then you have to put their people on.
02:24:56.000 I'll tell you a comedy festival.
02:24:58.000 You should do an Ice House comedy festival.
02:25:00.000 I'll tell you, it's not a comedy festival, but I did this, my favorite festival that I ever did was...
02:25:07.000 Furries?
02:25:08.000 Yeah.
02:25:09.000 How'd you know?
02:25:10.000 I love furries.
02:25:11.000 I love dressing up like a raccoon.
02:25:13.000 Do you go tail or no tail?
02:25:16.000 No tail. 1.00
02:25:17.000 Tail makes it hard for them to grab your ass. 1.00
02:25:19.000 Yeah. 1.00
02:25:19.000 I find that. 1.00
02:25:20.000 Tail gets in the way of ass play. 0.99
02:25:22.000 Tail totally gets in the way of ass play. 1.00
02:25:24.000 No, there's this place up north. 0.98
02:25:26.000 There's this place called Nevada City.
02:25:28.000 And they have this film festival up there. 0.99
02:25:30.000 And that place has the fucking... 0.99
02:25:33.000 Deepest hardcore hippies I've ever seen in my life. 1.00
02:25:36.000 And there's this beautiful river.
02:25:37.000 I think it's the Yuma River that runs through there.
02:25:40.000 And in the day, you go swimming in this river. 0.96
02:25:42.000 It's so fucking beautiful. 0.82
02:25:44.000 It's like this primordial river. 0.99
02:25:46.000 You jump off rocks and go swimming.
02:25:47.000 Where is this place again?
02:25:48.000 It's called Nevada City.
02:25:49.000 Nevada City, California?
02:25:50.000 No, not Nevada.
02:25:51.000 They pronounce it Nevada.
02:25:52.000 It's where all the...
02:25:53.000 Nevada City.
02:25:54.000 Yeah, it's like there's a...
02:25:56.000 I think that's...
02:25:56.000 California.
02:25:57.000 Yes.
02:25:57.000 That's right where you're getting into what I think, and I may be wrong about this, what is called the Emerald Triangle.
02:26:02.000 It's like right where you start getting where they grow the buds for the dispensaries.
02:26:06.000 Oh, slamma jamma. 1.00
02:26:07.000 Yes! 1.00
02:26:07.000 It's fucking fun, man. 1.00
02:26:09.000 Well, that's a dangerous area, too, because they've got a lot of Mexican people that go up there to grow pot, and guys actually stay there. 1.00
02:26:15.000 It's really amazing.
02:26:15.000 I watched a documentary on it on that show.
02:26:19.000 Goddammit, Vanguard.
02:26:21.000 You ever see that show?
02:26:22.000 No.
02:26:22.000 I believe it's on True TV, one of those reality TV networks.
02:26:25.000 Anyway, these people did an investigative journalism thing where they went into the woods up there, very dense woods up there, and they found these crazy campsites.
02:26:34.000 These guys had set up with this guy who was the Saint of Narcos.
02:26:37.000 Yeah.
02:26:37.000 They have a narcotic saint.
02:26:39.000 Yeah, that's right.
02:26:40.000 I forget his name, something DeNarco.
02:26:42.000 And it's like, wow, they have a saint to watch over them while they're growing drugs.
02:26:47.000 Why not?
02:26:47.000 Why not?
02:26:48.000 Because the thing is, if you think about what they're doing, nothing wrong with growing drugs, nothing wrong with being a farmer.
02:26:55.000 You're just growing something out of the ground.
02:26:57.000 You're not doing anything wrong.
02:26:58.000 You're not evil.
02:26:59.000 You're not bad. 1.00
02:27:00.000 But because we happen to exist at a time period in human history, or somehow idiots have determined... 1.00
02:27:04.000 That certain things that grow out of the ground are fucking bad. 1.00
02:27:07.000 You need a saint to protect you. 0.98
02:27:09.000 Certain things that have never killed anybody.
02:27:10.000 And how about these people are moving through the night with night vision on? 0.99
02:27:14.000 They started fucking hiking at 4 o'clock in the morning because they had to walk like 5 hours to get to these fucking people. 1.00
02:27:19.000 Wow. 1.00
02:27:20.000 And they wanted to catch them.
02:27:21.000 So these guys are hiking through the woods at night.
02:27:24.000 To get farmers.
02:27:25.000 With machine guns.
02:27:26.000 To catch farmers.
02:27:26.000 To go get Mexican farmers.
02:27:28.000 But they're Mexicans. 0.99
02:27:29.000 They're Mexican farmers. 1.00
02:27:31.000 And they've got a fucking god of drugs. 1.00
02:27:32.000 We can't stop these people. 1.00
02:27:33.000 That's all they are.
02:27:34.000 Anyone who grows pot, you're just a farmer.
02:27:36.000 You're a farmer. 1.00
02:27:37.000 It's amazing that they force these people to be fucking... 0.99
02:27:39.000 Why do they have guns? 1.00
02:27:40.000 They have guns because they have to have guns.
02:27:42.000 They have guns because they're all the way up here because they can't grow it down there. 0.95
02:27:45.000 They'll get shot in the head. 1.00
02:27:45.000 Somebody will steal their shit. 1.00
02:27:46.000 If you made it illegal to grow corn, corn farmers would have a fucking gun. 1.00
02:27:50.000 Yeah. 0.99
02:27:51.000 It's like any time...
02:27:53.000 Yeah, you have to defend yourself.
02:27:56.000 The consciousness of this country, this world, this global entity, this human race, the consciousness of this human race is altering right in front of our eyes with the internet. 0.85
02:28:10.000 And the internet and psychedelic experiences together Shit has changed more in this hundred years than at any time ever.
02:28:20.000 Just the idea of how people feel about life on Earth.
02:28:24.000 It's so different.
02:28:26.000 Yeah.
02:28:26.000 It's so different than at any time.
02:28:28.000 And we're riding the wave.
02:28:29.000 We're lucky.
02:28:30.000 We're so lucky.
02:28:32.000 Or we are in a dream that is symbolic of our own life and we're slowly decaying and that's when there's a great battle. 0.99
02:28:40.000 Will the shit hit the fan or will they come up with an invention that makes me live forever? 0.99
02:28:43.000 Tune in next week till I fucking go head on into a semi and wake up 15 years old going to school again brushing my teeth. 1.00
02:28:51.000 We're going to have the best cult, man. 0.98
02:28:53.000 It's the best already.
02:28:55.000 Look, man. 0.99
02:28:56.000 People are drawing fucking pictures of us. 0.99
02:28:58.000 Have you ever seen that thing up there? 0.99
02:28:59.000 What's that homeboy's name?
02:29:00.000 Pants?
02:29:01.000 What is his name?
02:29:02.000 Formal Sweatpants.
02:29:03.000 Formal Sweatpants.
02:29:04.000 You can buy that Joe Rogan Experience poster from him. 0.96
02:29:07.000 If you haven't seen it, it's fucking awesome.
02:29:09.000 What's his website? 0.97
02:29:10.000 Formalsweatpants.com.
02:29:11.000 Just the coolest thing.
02:29:12.000 All this stuff, I just want you guys to all know that I am...
02:29:17.000 100% humbled, blown away, flattered.
02:29:21.000 I can't use enough positive words to describe how awesome it is that you guys, first of all, just like the show, but then that you make like these little videos and little...
02:29:30.000 I mean, there's so many cool videos of rants of just you and I. Just you and I just going off about stuff.
02:29:37.000 Just that combination.
02:29:39.000 That stuff is the coolest stuff ever, man.
02:29:41.000 That stuff really, really makes me happy.
02:29:44.000 When that rant we had that landed on Alex Jones, where I was talking about Alex Jones getting arrested, and that landed on his website, that was intense, man. 0.99
02:29:55.000 I was like, fuck, we're going to end up in a fucking FEMA camp. 1.00
02:29:59.000 That shit's going to get us. 1.00
02:30:01.000 I felt a real... 1.00
02:30:03.000 No.
02:30:04.000 You know why we're not going to? 1.00
02:30:05.000 Because we can talk to the fucking troops. 1.00
02:30:07.000 We can talk to the cops. 1.00
02:30:08.000 We communicate to those people and they're not going to do what these assholes are telling them to do. 0.99
02:30:13.000 That's ultimately a real problem with civil unrest in this country. 1.00
02:30:16.000 The fucking genies out of the bottle, the cops, the firemen, everybody knows that this is a fucking mess. 0.99
02:30:21.000 Everybody knows that these people are just doing what you're supposed to do when you're an American. 1.00
02:30:27.000 They're protesting some gross injustices and they don't know exactly how to do it. 0.98
02:30:31.000 And the way I've described them is that there's a fucking... 0.92
02:30:33.000 There's a problem, and they're white blood cells, and they're surrounding this problem, and they don't know how to conquer it, and they don't know what to do, but the fact that so many people have gravitated towards one area, if you were looking at any other organism and this sort of a situation was happening, you're like, well, clearly there's some sort of a disease, there's an illness, there's a sickness, there's an issue that's being addressed. 0.96
02:30:52.000 Something very, very important is being addressed.
02:30:55.000 I hear babies in the background.
02:30:57.000 I do too.
02:30:57.000 Yeah, my kids are screaming.
02:31:00.000 Little munchkins.
02:31:02.000 Duncan Trussell, one day you're going to have some little munchkins. 0.99
02:31:04.000 I love some little munchkins.
02:31:06.000 Well, you're a good doggy daddy.
02:31:09.000 Yeah, we got rid of our five puppies.
02:31:10.000 We have five puppies.
02:31:11.000 Got rid of all of them?
02:31:11.000 That's awesome.
02:31:12.000 Got them all in good homes.
02:31:13.000 Dude, little chihuahua puppies.
02:31:14.000 How cute are they?
02:31:15.000 How can you not say...
02:31:16.000 You know, you go over there and you see them and you're just like, you gotta take them in. 0.61
02:31:19.000 Well, yeah, I knew that we'd have no problem getting, man, there is nothing fun, like, the power of fucking young things, they're so powerful that they can wake you up at four in the mornings, you know, squeaking, and you go in there and they will do jailbreaks where they would, like, get out and suddenly the house is just flooded with chihuahua puppies that you're trying to, like, bring back in. 0.85
02:31:40.000 It's so fun. 0.94
02:31:41.000 And it'll always make you laugh.
02:31:42.000 You can't get angry at a puppy.
02:31:44.000 It's almost impossible. 0.96
02:31:45.000 Yeah, they're so goddamn cute. 0.60
02:31:47.000 It's amazing. 0.89
02:31:48.000 That's how nature has sort of engineered them. 0.58
02:31:50.000 Nature and human beings have engineered them to be so goddamn cute and so loving. 0.86
02:31:54.000 What's more loving than a dog, man? 0.97
02:31:56.000 It's so funny, though.
02:31:57.000 When my sister had her kid, she did the exact same thing as you, man.
02:32:00.000 Like, immediately, she's like, who cares about the dog anymore?
02:32:03.000 I still love my dogs.
02:32:05.000 I love walking them.
02:32:06.000 I love playing them.
02:32:07.000 But yeah, that's not a person.
02:32:09.000 Dogs and people are totally different things, man.
02:32:10.000 You don't even understand.
02:32:12.000 But it doesn't mean I don't love my dogs. 1.00
02:32:14.000 I'd love a little fucking baby one day, man. 1.00
02:32:17.000 A little baby Duncan! 1.00
02:32:18.000 A little fucking sweet! 0.99
02:32:19.000 I think we should just both get a baby, Duncan, and just like, you'll get one weekend, I'll get the next weekend. 0.99
02:32:24.000 Well, I think you guys should let somebody, there'll be a contest, and they'll be able to film the baby coming out. 0.98
02:32:30.000 So that'll be, whoever did the best compilation video, we'll give them access to your wife's vagina as the baby's coming out. 1.00
02:32:36.000 What do you think, Val? 0.99
02:32:37.000 Yeah, it sounds great.
02:32:38.000 Sounds like a good idea.
02:32:39.000 Yeah, perfect.
02:32:41.000 But seriously, what is that dude's name again?
02:32:43.000 Formalsweatpants.com?
02:32:44.000 Formalsweatpants.com.
02:32:45.000 And he's got the Joe Rogan Experience poster.
02:32:47.000 I don't know how much he's selling it for, but it's an awesome piece of artwork.
02:32:50.000 I don't have any piece of this.
02:32:52.000 It's all his.
02:32:53.000 I freely endorse it.
02:32:55.000 I have a poster coming soon.
02:32:56.000 You got a poster coming soon?
02:32:57.000 Yeah.
02:32:57.000 Yeah, they did a new Death Squad logo, right?
02:32:59.000 Yeah, I did a new logo. 1.00
02:33:00.000 Death Squad, top 10, bitches. 1.00
02:33:01.000 Top 10 on iTunes. 1.00
02:33:02.000 Holla at your boy. 0.81
02:33:03.000 Got as high as...
02:33:04.000 What is it?
02:33:04.000 Six?
02:33:05.000 Five?
02:33:05.000 It was five the other day.
02:33:06.000 Pow.
02:33:07.000 Yeah.
02:33:07.000 Coming up in the world.
02:33:08.000 Bitches. 1.00
02:33:09.000 We got it. 1.00
02:33:11.000 Let's wrap this bitch up. 1.00
02:33:12.000 Let's bring it home. 1.00
02:33:12.000 Let's wrap it up. 1.00
02:33:12.000 We got the squat show Friday with Doug Benson. 1.00
02:33:15.000 Doug Benson at the Ice House.
02:33:17.000 Mike Black.
02:33:18.000 Andy, Nicky, Davey, Johnson.
02:33:20.000 Nice.
02:33:20.000 Nice, nice, nice.
02:33:21.000 And if you've never been, folks, the Ice House has two rooms.
02:33:23.000 It's in Pasadena, California.
02:33:25.000 The annex is very small.
02:33:26.000 It's only 85 seats with a guy like Doug Benson. 0.99
02:33:28.000 That shit's going to sell out quick. 0.99
02:33:29.000 So go to icehousecc.com. 1.00
02:33:31.000 Is that what it is?
02:33:32.000 Just icehousecomedy.com.
02:33:34.000 Yeah, Google that just in case.
02:33:35.000 Search for Death Squad.
02:33:36.000 Just go to Ice House Comedy and just – whatever.
02:33:39.000 Google Ice House Comedy Club and check for stage two.
02:33:42.000 That's what you want to look for.
02:33:43.000 That's this weekend.
02:33:44.000 Can I say a show? 1.00
02:33:45.000 Yeah, fuck yeah. 0.99
02:33:46.000 I'm going to be at the Arlington Draft House in February. 1.00
02:33:49.000 Look it up.
02:33:50.000 I don't have the exact – Arlington, Texas?
02:33:51.000 No, in Maryland.
02:33:52.000 It's called the Arlington Draft House and I'd love to see you guys there.
02:33:55.000 Arlington, Maryland.
02:33:56.000 Arlington Draft House is what it's called.
02:33:58.000 Just Google it.
02:33:58.000 Arlington Draft House.
02:33:59.000 It'll pop up.
02:34:00.000 And when is the date?
02:34:01.000 It's the second weekend in February, I think.
02:34:03.000 I have to look at my calendar.
02:34:04.000 Is that a place that you do on a regular?
02:34:07.000 No, this is the first time I've done it.
02:34:09.000 It's kind of like a movie theater.
02:34:13.000 And I've heard great things about it.
02:34:15.000 So I'm super psyched about going. 0.99
02:34:16.000 That's fucking badass. 0.97
02:34:17.000 Who got you that gig? 0.99
02:34:18.000 My booking guy at APA. Nice.
02:34:21.000 That sounds like fun, man.
02:34:22.000 Yeah, I can't wait.
02:34:23.000 I did a movie theater.
02:34:24.000 It's like the first time I ever did Washington, D.C. They used to have that.
02:34:26.000 They would have stand-up comedy, and then they would have a movie after the comedy.
02:34:29.000 Oh, that's cool.
02:34:30.000 Yeah, it was a good gig, man.
02:34:31.000 It was fun.
02:34:32.000 I don't remember the name of it.
02:34:34.000 So anyway, Duncan Truss will be with me this Friday night at the Chicago Theater.
02:34:39.000 It's almost sold out.
02:34:40.000 I think there's less than 200 tickets left.
02:34:43.000 Yeah.
02:34:43.000 It's the most tickets I've ever sold for anything.
02:34:44.000 This is crazy.
02:34:45.000 It's going to be nuts.
02:34:46.000 We have to have big, giant screens.
02:34:48.000 They have to turn on these big, giant screens to watch it.
02:34:51.000 This place is huge.
02:34:52.000 It's an enormous, awesome place.
02:34:54.000 So that'll be this weekend, this Friday.
02:34:56.000 And then next Friday, we're doing the House of Blues. 0.99
02:34:58.000 Same lineup, bitches. 1.00
02:34:59.000 Same lineup. 0.99
02:35:01.000 Joey Diaz, Duncan Trussell. 0.99
02:35:02.000 And then after both nights, we're going to watch some crazy shit. 0.98
02:35:05.000 We've got two crazy UFC cards. 0.99
02:35:07.000 Holla! 1.00
02:35:08.000 So, thank you to everybody that tunes in. 0.98
02:35:11.000 Thanks to all the positive Twitter messages and all the cool shit. 0.99
02:35:14.000 You know, the cool people outnumber the cunts by a staggering amount. 0.97
02:35:19.000 There's so many more cool people out there that I'm connecting with because of Twitter, because of Facebook, because of this podcast, because of the internet.
02:35:27.000 There's so many more cool people out there than anybody imagines.
02:35:31.000 We just gotta find each other.
02:35:33.000 And so we're glad you found this.
02:35:35.000 We connect.
02:35:37.000 We stay together.
02:35:38.000 We grow.
02:35:39.000 Party on.
02:35:40.000 Hare Krishna.
02:35:41.000 Party on.
02:35:41.000 Thanks to the Fleshlight.
02:35:43.000 Go to JoeRogan.net, click on the link for the Fleshlight, enter in the code name ROGAN, and you will get 15% off number one sex toy for men.
02:35:50.000 Eventually, I guarantee you, I predict, they will be sponsoring the Death Squad as well.
02:35:55.000 Death Squad's moving up in the world.
02:35:57.000 Death Squad needs a logo.
02:35:58.000 You need a sponsor, you get to talk to them.
02:36:00.000 We're going to make this happen.
02:36:02.000 It's a perfect fit.
02:36:03.000 You guys have porn stars on with their own fleshlights. 0.98
02:36:05.000 Yeah. 0.99
02:36:05.000 You know, just make sense. 0.99
02:36:06.000 You mean built in?
02:36:07.000 No, they have a designed fleshlight.
02:36:10.000 I have 17 podcasts now.
02:36:12.000 Yeah.
02:36:12.000 That's like so much podcast.
02:36:14.000 You've got a lot of podcasts.
02:36:15.000 The Death Squad is free on iTunes, and it's the only place to get the Ice House Chronicles, which is a podcast that we do live from the Ice House. 0.86
02:36:22.000 Seriously, it is, to me, the coolest fucking thing that we do.
02:36:25.000 I love it. 0.98
02:36:26.000 It's so fun.
02:36:27.000 We have a great time every week.
02:36:29.000 The last week we had Dane Cook on, Bert Kreischer, Ari Shafir, me, Kevin Christie, Brody Stevens, Nick Yusuf. 0.97
02:36:36.000 It's fucking awesome. 0.62
02:36:37.000 I mean, you know what it is? 0.96
02:36:38.000 We have a room at the Ice House, and so we have this stand-up show that's totally sold out, packed, little, tiny, intimate, awesome room, and then the comics are rotating and going on stage from the podcast, and it's amazing. 0.99
02:36:51.000 It's the most fun and the closest you can get to, like, Hanging with a bunch of best friends in the green room before we go up there and fuck shit up. 0.93
02:37:01.000 It's like the greatest podcast of all time. 0.98
02:37:03.000 I love the Ice House Chronicles.
02:37:05.000 The only way to get it, though, is you've got to subscribe to Death Squad.
02:37:07.000 So go to iTunes, subscribe to Death Squad, and get it.
02:37:10.000 It's all free, of course.
02:37:11.000 This podcast will always be free.
02:37:12.000 Death Squad will always be free.
02:37:14.000 We will not charge you.
02:37:15.000 Duncan Trussell, though, he'll charge you a couple bucks.
02:37:17.000 And you know what?
02:37:17.000 Pay him!
02:37:18.000 For what?
02:37:19.000 Pay them for your lavender hour.
02:37:20.000 Bonus episodes, one dollar.
02:37:22.000 Pay them.
02:37:23.000 It's not much.
02:37:24.000 It's only a dollar.
02:37:25.000 But the other ones are free.
02:37:26.000 We do one free one a week.
02:37:27.000 You can't get mad.
02:37:28.000 People get mad at him.
02:37:29.000 How dare you ask me for anything?
02:37:30.000 I've given you free stuff.
02:37:31.000 You don't have to take.
02:37:32.000 It's not like I'm saying you have to pay.
02:37:35.000 You don't have to pay.
02:37:36.000 You do whatever you want to.
02:37:37.000 But if you want to, there's the possibility.
02:37:39.000 Please.
02:37:40.000 Thank you for everybody asking.
02:37:42.000 I am talking with my people about doing the same thing that Louis C.K. did.
02:37:47.000 I'm totally going to steal his idea and try to put out my next special just online like that.
02:37:52.000 It just seems to make sense.
02:37:53.000 Now that everybody has iTunes, so many people have Apple TV, so many people have Netflix, I get more messages about my streaming special from 2005 on Netflix.
02:38:03.000 I get more email about that particular special than anything I've ever done ever.
02:38:08.000 Because I think more people are seeing it through Netflix.
02:38:11.000 I don't know if they can get the last one, the Talking Monkeys in Space, but the Netflix one, they made.
02:38:18.000 They produced it.
02:38:19.000 So every day I get tweets about that, man.
02:38:21.000 That's the future.
02:38:22.000 The future is...
02:38:23.000 Louis C.K. showed us the way.
02:38:24.000 So I'm going to totally do what he did and release it that way.
02:38:28.000 And buy my book.
02:38:29.000 You got a book?
02:38:30.000 Not yet.
02:38:31.000 It'll be out in two years. 0.87
02:38:32.000 Just the fuck out of here. 1.00
02:38:35.000 All right, you dirty freaks. 1.00
02:38:36.000 Oh, next Friday, we're at the House of Blues. 0.99
02:38:39.000 Okay, I said that already.
02:38:40.000 That's it.
02:38:40.000 The show's over.
02:38:41.000 Thanks to the flashlight.
02:38:41.000 Thanks to Anna.com.
02:38:42.000 Go to O-N-N-I-T.com.
02:38:45.000 What's there?
02:38:46.000 Mysteries.
02:38:47.000 Mysteries.
02:38:48.000 Mysteries of the mind.
02:38:50.000 Pills to change your focus.
02:38:53.000 Yes.
02:38:54.000 Yes.
02:38:54.000 Google nootropics, go there.
02:38:56.000 First 30 pills.
02:38:57.000 If you don't like it, you get a money-back guarantee. 0.99
02:38:59.000 It used to be more, but the world's filled with cunts. 1.00
02:39:02.000 Lemonparty.org. 0.93
02:39:03.000 You know, you could have invested $1 million and probably made $30 million if you would have done that.
02:39:08.000 In what?
02:39:09.000 You know, bought that much pills and then sold it on eBay.
02:39:13.000 Should I do that?
02:39:13.000 Yeah.
02:39:14.000 I should totally rob myself. 1.00
02:39:16.000 Just start ordering shit for myself. 1.00
02:39:19.000 Get rich from robbing yourself. 1.00
02:39:21.000 Alright, you dirty freaks, we love you from the bottom of our hearts. 1.00
02:39:24.000 We can't say it enough. 0.99
02:39:25.000 It's hard to say goodbye.
02:39:27.000 We don't know when to do it.
02:39:28.000 I never know how to shut it off.
02:39:29.000 Bye!
02:39:30.000 We're putting it out there.
02:39:31.000 We're putting it out there.
02:39:31.000 We're getting it from you.
02:39:33.000 Thank you very much.