The Joe Rogan Experience - April 07, 2022


Joe Rogan Experience #1802 - Protect Our Parks 3

Topics
aliens nuclear weapons UFO sightings Roswell billboard for Ari Damon Wayans working on material frog meme sewage oil street noodles weed show Iron Sheik wrestling clubs Will Smith as Muhammad Ali bullying Will Smith and Jada Pinkett chaos at Oscars cancel culture comedy struggle Kevin Spacey OnlyFans gain-of-function research nuclear reactors Mennonites
Hosted by
Joe Rogan
Guests
Protect Our Parks 3
Mentioned
Will Smith Dude Wipes Hillary Clinton Chris Rock Molly Bert Kreischer Trump Hitler Karen Feehan Bert Jamie The Bill Maher Jussie Smollett Tony Hinchcliffe Mark Norman Ron Paul Joey Diaz Klan Harvey Weinstein Bill Cosby Louis C.K. and 130 more
Joe Rogan Experience #1801 - David Mamet Joe Rogan Experience #1803 - Greg Fitzsimmons

Episode Stats


Length

4 hours and 17 minutes

Words per minute

204.2

Word count

52,664

Sentence count

8,498

Harmful content

Misogyny

304

sentences flagged

Toxicity

2,177

sentences flagged

Hate speech

252

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

On this episode of the pod, the boys talk about the new parks bill, the recent shooting of a woman in New York City, and aliens. Also, Ben and Jerry's is a communist food, and the boys try to figure out what's going on in the world and why they don't like the way things are going right now. Also, the guys talk about what they would do in a post 9/11 world, and how they would react if they were in charge of the US government. And of course, they talk about aliens. Enjoy the pod and don't forget to subscribe on your favorite streaming platform so you never miss an episode. The boys are back with a brand new episode of The Boys Show! Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. All rights reserved. Used by permission. We do not own the rights to any music used in this episode. All credit goes to original artists and music used on the show. Thank you to my good friend, Kevin McLeod for producing this episode and all of our sponsors. If you like what you hear, please leave us a review and a rating and review on Apple Podcasts, we'll be listening to you in the next episode! and we'll get a shoutout on the next one, too! and a shout out on our socials! we're listening to it in the future episodes of the show "The Boys Talkin' about aliens and UFOs. and other stuff like that you like it. Thank you! We'll be looking out for your feedback! Love ya! -Kevin McLeod Kevin McElroy - Thank you so much Kevin McEllay - Kevin McElvay & the boys are looking over this episode, Kevin McKee , and we're looking forward to seeing you, too. -Alyssa, and we hope you enjoy it! -- Thank you for all the love and support you're listening and supporting you, so much love, bye! Kevin, Kevin, Kristy, too much love you, bye, Kevin and your support is so much, thank you, Thank you, Kevin & Yoko Love you, Kristian, and all the best, Krista, too, and bye, bye. :P. Love, Kevin

Transcript

Transcripts from "The Joe Rogan Experience" are sourced from the Knowledge Fight Interactive Search Tool. Explore them interactively here.
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
Topics generated with Qwen2.5-3B-Instruct.
Hosts, guests, and mentioned names generated with spaCy (en_core_web_sm), reconciled against Wikidata.
00:00:11.000 Yeah, they're back.
00:00:13.000 We're rolling, officially.
00:00:14.000 What?
00:00:15.000 Protect our parks.
00:00:16.000 It's here.
00:00:17.000 Holy hell.
00:00:18.000 Because we have one less.
00:00:19.000 It's time to protect our parks.
00:00:20.000 So from the time of Protect Our Parks, we officially have lost one park.
00:00:24.000 We have lost one park. 0.99
00:00:24.000 So we're not protecting shit. 0.99
00:00:26.000 We have done zero saving of parks. 0.98
00:00:28.000 Everyone says you have a big reach is wrong because you protected O for one parks.
00:00:32.000 It did nothing.
00:00:33.000 It became the opposite of a park. 1.00
00:00:36.000 They built a fucking jail on it. 1.00
00:00:38.000 They're going to. 1.00
00:00:38.000 They're going to jail? 1.00
00:00:39.000 I saw signs like, hey, we have to tear down the rest of it too.
00:00:42.000 But they're not jailing anybody.
00:00:44.000 That's a good point.
00:00:44.000 The thing about New York is they're letting everybody out.
00:00:46.000 They let some guy out for murder. 0.86
00:00:48.000 He just shot somebody and they let him out with no bail. 1.00
00:00:51.000 And everybody's like, what the fuck is going on? 1.00
00:00:53.000 Who'd he kill? 1.00
00:00:54.000 I don't know.
00:00:54.000 They arrested him for murder.
00:00:56.000 It was like this outrage article. 0.96
00:00:58.000 He'll beat up an Asian lady soon. 1.00
00:00:59.000 That seems to be the pattern. 0.98
00:01:01.000 I feel horrible for these women. 0.99
00:01:05.000 Quit hanging out outside prisons.
00:01:07.000 Yeah!
00:01:09.000 That's a wild take, right? 1.00
00:01:10.000 People that think that all Asians are responsible for COVID, so you just go up to Asians and punch them.
00:01:16.000 When it gets down to the lowest level reaction to a crisis, I see a lot of people today that are really pissed at Russian people, boycotting Russians. 0.62
00:01:27.000 There's some restaurant here.
00:01:29.000 They're not sending money back for the cause.
00:01:31.000 Russia house.
00:01:32.000 Cut the Russia off their name. 0.95
00:01:33.000 And now it just says house.
00:01:35.000 Remember when we made french fries into freedom fries?
00:01:38.000 And we're like, we're doing something. 1.00
00:01:39.000 We're fucking idiots. 1.00
00:01:41.000 What a dumb fucking place we left. 1.00
00:01:42.000 How about the dummies that pour their vodka down the toilet? 1.00
00:01:44.000 Like, hey, stupid, you already bought that. 1.00
00:01:46.000 They have your money. 1.00
00:01:47.000 How about have a free vodka party?
00:01:49.000 Give it to a refugee! 1.00
00:01:50.000 There you go.
00:01:51.000 I was in Salt Lake when it started and they had like a law, they were like, we're banning Russian vodka. 0.99
00:01:57.000 The club owner was like, what the fuck? 0.99
00:01:58.000 It's not state run. 1.00
00:01:59.000 This is all my money. 1.00
00:02:00.000 It's so dumb. 0.99
00:02:01.000 Exactly, I already bought it. 0.99
00:02:03.000 Yeah, what about Russian dressing? 1.00
00:02:05.000 Not only that, it's just fucking people. 1.00
00:02:07.000 Imagine if you're like some hardcore lefty communist and you sell something and then they say, oh America, America's bombed fucking Yemen. 1.00
00:02:17.000 We can't sell American products anymore, so your American products now are useless. 0.99
00:02:23.000 That doesn't make any sense.
00:02:24.000 You'd be like, what?
00:02:26.000 I'm Tom's of Maine, I give my head to homeless.
00:02:28.000 Exactly!
00:02:28.000 I'm Ben and Jerry, I'm a communist.
00:02:32.000 What the fuck are you talking about? 1.00
00:02:33.000 I'm a Jew with no sense of taste. 1.00
00:02:35.000 That communist flavor is pretty good though.
00:02:38.000 Ben& Jerry's, it's just vanilla.
00:02:43.000 What is a communist thing?
00:02:46.000 There was something there, but that wasn't it.
00:02:48.000 Let's punch that up.
00:02:49.000 What's a communist...
00:02:50.000 You can't report on the flavors right now.
00:02:53.000 They're all working together.
00:02:56.000 Yeah.
00:02:57.000 See, I don't know anything about communism.
00:03:00.000 So I couldn't write the joke.
00:03:01.000 It would have to be a joke where, like, you buy ice cream for everybody.
00:03:06.000 Talk to Yoko Smirnoff so he can come up with something for you.
00:03:09.000 In communist Russia, ice cream eat you.
00:03:11.000 That's right.
00:03:14.000 What are you doing?
00:03:15.000 How come my little sign isn't on?
00:03:18.000 It shorted out?
00:03:20.000 Oh, because it shorted a little bit.
00:03:22.000 I was pressing buttons, but it was changing the color of the UFO. I'm a child.
00:03:28.000 You love aliens.
00:03:29.000 Gadgets.
00:03:30.000 I'm obsessed.
00:03:31.000 Not illegal.
00:03:32.000 I'm obsessed with aliens.
00:03:33.000 I like them too.
00:03:35.000 Well, I was obsessed with alien aliens from other planets.
00:03:39.000 Yeah.
00:03:39.000 What's going on with them?
00:03:40.000 I think if Russia starts launching nukes, I think they'll probably show up. 0.93
00:03:45.000 Yeah.
00:03:45.000 Hey, aliens.
00:03:46.000 That's a wrap.
00:03:46.000 It's time.
00:03:47.000 Yeah. 0.99
00:03:47.000 You guys fucked this up. 0.99
00:03:49.000 We've been observing for too long. 1.00
00:03:50.000 We've got to step in.
00:03:51.000 They saw it the first time and they were like, well, the Japanese had it coming. 1.00
00:03:54.000 I saw the first one go off, and they were like, nice.
00:03:56.000 They're closest to us, so let it happen.
00:03:58.000 That's when there was the big uptick in UFO sightings.
00:04:01.000 That's when it all started.
00:04:02.000 What?
00:04:03.000 It was after Hiroshima and Nagasaki.
00:04:04.000 What do you mean?
00:04:05.000 That's when all the UFO sightings started happening.
00:04:08.000 That's Roswell, New Mexico.
00:04:09.000 That's the ones over D.C. All the big UFO sightings happened after the nuclear bombs.
00:04:14.000 What's the connection?
00:04:16.000 The thought in the conspiracy, the crazy people, like who knows what they're really seeing, right? 1.00
00:04:20.000 They could be all full of shit or crazy. 1.00
00:04:22.000 But the thought is that the aliens are coming to observe because they realize we now have nuclear weapons. 1.00
00:04:27.000 So they've decided to make a trip to Earth to see what these fucking crazy monkeys with nuclear weapons or territorial, what they're up to. 1.00
00:04:35.000 Weren't they having sightings at missile silos and shit? 0.99
00:04:39.000 Not just sightings, but they shut down nuclear facilities, like nuclear weapons facilities. 0.98
00:04:46.000 They shut them down.
00:04:48.000 They shut their computers off.
00:04:49.000 Because they're going to come get it.
00:04:51.000 I think they're basically letting you know, like, watch what we can do.
00:04:54.000 We'll just shut off all your power.
00:04:56.000 The aliens, man.
00:04:57.000 Yeah, hover over your facility, shut everything down.
00:05:01.000 But who knows if it's true?
00:05:03.000 You know, unless you're there.
00:05:04.000 Oh, it's true.
00:05:05.000 Unless you're there.
00:05:06.000 I mean, there's some things that I've seen, some videos that I've seen that are fucking wild, like the fighter pilot videos where they're watching this thing move at insane rates of speed.
00:05:15.000 Oh, yeah. 0.76
00:05:15.000 I saw that. 0.76
00:05:15.000 But other than that... 0.76
00:05:16.000 That was Tony's career.
00:05:17.000 Who knows?
00:05:17.000 I... Your solo's taking off, though.
00:05:20.000 It's a compliment.
00:05:20.000 It's doing well.
00:05:22.000 The cattle mutilations, they never solved it.
00:05:23.000 It's complimenting Tony's career.
00:05:25.000 Cut it out. 1.00
00:05:25.000 I knew you were going to come on here and be a nasty son of a bitch with your fucking bad suit. 1.00
00:05:31.000 You look like the diddler. 1.00
00:05:32.000 I can't believe that suit wasn't the diddler. 1.00
00:05:35.000 You look like a Jewish pedophile. 1.00
00:05:36.000 Hey, kids, you want to buy some candy? 1.00
00:05:38.000 You mean a Jew? 0.99
00:05:39.000 You mean pedophile? 0.99
00:05:40.000 I can't believe that suit just fits you perfectly, and you found it at a thrift store.
00:05:44.000 Thrift store in New Orleans.
00:05:46.000 It's perfect for you.
00:05:47.000 It's like the exact size, and you're in odd shape.
00:05:50.000 You had to get that tailored, come on.
00:05:52.000 Zip.
00:05:52.000 I go to a tailor, not this one.
00:05:54.000 Zip.
00:05:55.000 I wore it on stage in New Orleans.
00:05:57.000 I tried it off, and I'm like, oh yeah, I gotta do something special for you guys.
00:05:58.000 Wait, what show?
00:05:59.000 A couple years ago.
00:06:01.000 Oh, okay.
00:06:01.000 Oh, this is old.
00:06:02.000 It's like two years old.
00:06:04.000 Oh, I thought you just got it.
00:06:05.000 Right before COVID. I had to bring something to the Comedy Story anniversary.
00:06:07.000 He actually hung on to that suit.
00:06:09.000 Yeah.
00:06:10.000 It cost me 60 bucks.
00:06:12.000 I'm not made of money.
00:06:13.000 That's even past what Stanhope would wear.
00:06:15.000 That's beyond.
00:06:16.000 Yeah.
00:06:16.000 Stanhope would have different pants.
00:06:18.000 He'd have pants that didn't match.
00:06:20.000 It's like a rich, quick suit.
00:06:22.000 Remember that guy, Matthew Letzko?
00:06:24.000 With the riddles?
00:06:26.000 Oh, that's right.
00:06:27.000 What's he doing now?
00:06:28.000 Why has he not been on this podcast?
00:06:30.000 Oh, yeah!
00:06:31.000 Get him on! 0.94
00:06:32.000 When are you going to stop working for the state?
00:06:33.000 He's probably rich as hell.
00:06:34.000 Get this guy on.
00:06:35.000 Probably.
00:06:35.000 I think my time for the state is almost up.
00:06:37.000 I have a couple more years I have to put in.
00:06:39.000 Him and that Asian guy on the boat.
00:06:40.000 Remember that Asian guy?
00:06:41.000 Like, you want to be rich like me?
00:06:43.000 With all the women around? 1.00
00:06:44.000 Yeah, I've got pussy for days. 1.00
00:06:46.000 Fuck, I don't remember that. 1.00
00:06:47.000 What was his name? 1.00
00:06:47.000 Oh, there he is. 1.00
00:06:48.000 Oh, there's Ari! 0.91
00:06:50.000 It's been two years with a better hair.
00:06:52.000 Matthew Lesko.
00:06:54.000 Lesko!
00:06:55.000 Yeah, let's go, let's go.
00:06:56.000 Where's he today?
00:06:56.000 Free money.
00:06:57.000 There's free money out there.
00:06:58.000 There's Grants.
00:06:59.000 This guy was big.
00:07:00.000 There's Grants.
00:07:01.000 I wrote the book on it.
00:07:01.000 Do you think he's poor now?
00:07:03.000 Oh, yeah.
00:07:04.000 No way.
00:07:04.000 I think he's got a house.
00:07:06.000 He's probably dead.
00:07:07.000 How long ago was this?
00:07:08.000 Yeah, let's find out.
00:07:09.000 When this infomercial came on, it was, like, exciting.
00:07:12.000 I thought about doing it.
00:07:14.000 Where is he?
00:07:15.000 Where is he, Ari?
00:07:16.000 What do you mean?
00:07:17.000 Find him.
00:07:17.000 He's 78 years old.
00:07:18.000 He's on YouTube now.
00:07:19.000 All right, let's click on his YouTube channel.
00:07:21.000 Instagram.
00:07:22.000 Oh, my goodness.
00:07:23.000 Wow.
00:07:23.000 He's got an Instagram post.
00:07:24.000 4,000 followers!
00:07:26.000 He looks rough.
00:07:27.000 Oh, he's gone trans. 1.00
00:07:29.000 Mortgage payments.
00:07:30.000 But look at this.
00:07:31.000 It also includes utility payments, homeowner insurance payments, property taxes.
00:07:36.000 What do you think, Jewish over under? 1.00
00:07:38.000 Internet!
00:07:39.000 I think 98%.
00:07:40.000 You tell me.
00:07:42.000 So he doesn't have any followers.
00:07:44.000 He looks like the Queen of Mean. 0.98
00:07:45.000 He's like a gay David Lynch. 0.99
00:07:48.000 Who's the Queen of Mean? 1.00
00:07:50.000 But I don't remember her name anymore.
00:07:51.000 Lampanelli?
00:07:52.000 Yeah.
00:07:52.000 Lampanelli.
00:07:53.000 He looks a lot like thin Lampanelli.
00:07:55.000 Didn't she retire? 0.99
00:07:56.000 Yeah.
00:07:57.000 Lampanelli retired from the video that went around of her having a meltdown.
00:08:00.000 It was very strange.
00:08:01.000 That was bad.
00:08:03.000 Somebody's heckling her and she got real serious.
00:08:05.000 She snapped on stage. 1.00
00:08:07.000 Not even an event center.
00:08:09.000 Town Hall or something.
00:08:10.000 Whatever it was, she was angry.
00:08:12.000 Like, you know, where a comic crosses that line, like, I don't need this! 1.00
00:08:16.000 I don't need that shit! 1.00
00:08:17.000 The Michael Richards effect. 1.00
00:08:20.000 There's something about that line.
00:08:23.000 Like, when Will Smith slapped Chris Rock, Chris Rock talked to Will Smith, and then he went back to the script.
00:08:31.000 When he went back to the script, it was like, oh, this is wild, because you're watching one of the best comics in the world.
00:08:36.000 Bomb.
00:08:37.000 Because that's bomb. 0.99
00:08:38.000 He has to bomb.
00:08:40.000 With that one joke, he bombed.
00:08:41.000 Because he's in an impossible situation.
00:08:43.000 There's no way anyone's just going to transition to the fact that you're doing a documentary.
00:08:49.000 We all just saw that.
00:08:51.000 It's like if a waitress drops a tray of drinks and you're like...
00:08:53.000 And then later at the supermarket, I was like, what's wrong with you?
00:08:57.000 I mean, think about him, though, like, getting slapped, and literally no one does anything.
00:09:00.000 No one does anything.
00:09:02.000 No security.
00:09:03.000 It's like a funny bone.
00:09:03.000 Staring at you, it's terrifying.
00:09:05.000 I mean, they kind of seep in, too, that's like, hey, you know how you're in Hollywood?
00:09:08.000 You're not.
00:09:09.000 That guy's in Hollywood.
00:09:10.000 Yeah, true.
00:09:10.000 You're a visitor.
00:09:11.000 You're a comic.
00:09:12.000 Yeah, we don't support you as much as we support them.
00:09:14.000 Well, they don't even support him.
00:09:15.000 They just were...
00:09:17.000 Lost sheep without a shepherd, like, oh, what is happening here?
00:09:20.000 I mean, I wouldn't have done anything. 1.00
00:09:21.000 I would have been sitting there like, yo, holy shit. 0.99
00:09:24.000 That was crazy. 0.99
00:09:25.000 Well, how about the fact that they gave him a standing ovation later when he went up to talk and he actually accepted an award after assault and he gets a standing ovation.
00:09:35.000 And no one's even going, like, kind of sitting down going, like, what?
00:09:37.000 No one in the crowd is going, I don't know.
00:09:40.000 No, they clap. 1.00
00:09:41.000 They're fucking sheep. 1.00
00:09:42.000 He just hopped on board. 1.00
00:09:44.000 He just hopped on board.
00:09:44.000 I think if it wasn't black on black, it would have been different.
00:09:47.000 Different, more fun. 0.95
00:09:49.000 Oh yeah, if it was like a white guy slapped Chris Rock? 0.84
00:09:51.000 Oh my god. 0.92
00:09:52.000 No, no, no.
00:09:52.000 If they're both white.
00:09:54.000 What if Chris Pratt went up and slapped Chris Rock? 0.90
00:09:56.000 Wow.
00:09:57.000 Could you imagine?
00:09:58.000 What if it was Danny DeVito?
00:09:59.000 Could you imagine?
00:10:00.000 Yeah.
00:10:01.000 No, it would have to be someone big like Will Smith.
00:10:03.000 Will Smith's a big guy.
00:10:04.000 Oh yeah.
00:10:05.000 If Chris Pratt did it, he's done.
00:10:07.000 Oh my god.
00:10:08.000 No, he's definitely not getting an award later.
00:10:10.000 You gotta claim drugs.
00:10:12.000 You gotta say pills.
00:10:13.000 That's the only chance. 0.87
00:10:14.000 Turn trans. 0.99
00:10:15.000 Ooh, that's not bad.
00:10:16.000 You gotta go non-binary. 1.00
00:10:17.000 Yeah, pick up swimming.
00:10:18.000 I still think it would've been...
00:10:22.000 It would have been different if, first of all, Will Smith's in the front row and there's no stage.
00:10:27.000 If he had to shimmy out of the fifth row, I think it would have been a different dynamic. 0.89
00:10:32.000 If it was like, Will Smith, come on down.
00:10:34.000 Even then, everybody would have thought he was doing a bit.
00:10:38.000 I thought it was a bit.
00:10:39.000 Chris Rock thought it was.
00:10:40.000 When he walked out, Chris Rock was like, oh, here it comes.
00:10:42.000 He had to be.
00:10:43.000 That's the only plausible explanation.
00:10:45.000 He didn't hit him that hard.
00:10:47.000 And when you watch how he hit him, he switched legs.
00:10:50.000 So he threw a punch and actually switched legs.
00:10:52.000 So it was like he was doing a pro wrestling slap.
00:10:56.000 No.
00:10:56.000 Golf expert, weigh in.
00:10:57.000 He picked that right leg up, which is what you end up picking up. 1.00
00:11:01.000 Golf expert, bitch. 1.00
00:11:02.000 I know how to slap people. 1.00
00:11:03.000 Hey, I'll take that. 0.75
00:11:04.000 I have a machine out back. 1.00
00:11:06.000 I will show you that you slap like a bitch. 1.00
00:11:09.000 It'll register that your technique is terrible. 1.00
00:11:11.000 When you slap somebody, if you slap someone, it's no different than punching someone.
00:11:15.000 You want this foot to be planted. 0.99
00:11:17.000 This foot's planted and you fucking turn into it and smack someone. 0.99
00:11:20.000 Like when you watch those guys, they stand across the table and they KO each other with the slaps and the powder goes flying. 1.00
00:11:26.000 That is so ridiculous. 0.97
00:11:27.000 Some guys get knocked out with those slaps. 0.98
00:11:30.000 Well, you're getting slapped as full blast, and if someone hits you with the palm of their hand, you can do something with the palm of your hand that you can't do with your knuckles.
00:11:38.000 Like, I could do that and it doesn't hurt at all. 0.98
00:11:39.000 But if I did that that hard with my knuckles, it would fucking hurt. 0.98
00:11:43.000 Stay shut by talking about this down. 0.98
00:11:45.000 Like, a little bit further down than that.
00:11:46.000 He hit him with this stuff.
00:11:48.000 He hit him with this stuff.
00:11:49.000 That's what he hit him with.
00:11:50.000 And he didn't hit him.
00:11:51.000 Watch.
00:11:51.000 Let's watch.
00:11:51.000 His mic is right on his bow tie, too, so it sounds louder.
00:11:54.000 Let's watch it.
00:11:55.000 Watch how he does it.
00:11:58.000 Watch the left leg switches and then the right leg goes forward.
00:12:03.000 That was pretty good.
00:12:04.000 That was as much as I thought.
00:12:07.000 I think I have a false memory.
00:12:08.000 There's black people, and there's Will Smith.
00:12:11.000 A little bit of a ship.
00:12:13.000 Oh, you know what it is?
00:12:14.000 Slippery shoes.
00:12:15.000 That's what it is.
00:12:16.000 Slippery shoes.
00:12:17.000 And a tuxedo doesn't help.
00:12:18.000 But it's definitely not hitting them hard.
00:12:21.000 He's hitting them with the fingertips.
00:12:23.000 Watch with the impact.
00:12:24.000 Let's check the impact.
00:12:25.000 It's so dainty.
00:12:27.000 Yeah, see, that's where you see the little switch of the legs.
00:12:30.000 But he's hitting them with the tips of the fingers.
00:12:32.000 It's really not much.
00:12:33.000 Kevin Clancy at KFC Radio, he said that that's a Scientology thing.
00:12:38.000 That's what I heard.
00:12:38.000 They teach you how to slap to get support for yourself if you're being embarrassed.
00:12:42.000 So Chris Brown is a Scientologist?
00:12:43.000 They teach you how to slap.
00:12:45.000 All right.
00:12:45.000 Are you serious?
00:12:46.000 Yeah.
00:12:47.000 No.
00:12:47.000 Yeah.
00:12:47.000 Wait a minute.
00:12:48.000 You're serious?
00:12:48.000 Yeah.
00:12:49.000 Explain.
00:12:49.000 Not research, but real theory.
00:12:51.000 Well, I love it.
00:12:51.000 In Scientology.
00:12:52.000 I love a good no research statement.
00:12:56.000 They teach you how to slap somebody if they give you an offense.
00:12:59.000 What?
00:12:59.000 That is one of the things to get.
00:13:01.000 Not to punch, because you don't want to get in a physical fight, but to slap.
00:13:03.000 It's humiliating.
00:13:04.000 To get your offense taken care of.
00:13:06.000 Getting slapped is humiliating.
00:13:07.000 Yeah. 0.99
00:13:07.000 I would have given the Scientology slap. 0.99
00:13:09.000 It's not meant to hurt. 0.94
00:13:11.000 That's a Scientology slap.
00:13:12.000 That's the theory.
00:13:13.000 Yeah.
00:13:14.000 But is this a theory by someone who had this theory before Will Smith smacked Chris Ross?
00:13:19.000 Give it a googie. 1.00
00:13:20.000 A whole Twitter thread about it.
00:13:20.000 Okay, look at this.
00:13:21.000 The slap is much less interesting when you realize that Will Smith almost certainly went through the Scientology courses that teach you to unapologetically use slaps and physical force to let a fellow Scientologist know they've done something wrong. 0.97
00:13:35.000 Holy shit, how's that much less interesting? 0.91
00:13:37.000 That makes it more interesting. 0.99
00:13:39.000 Yeah.
00:13:39.000 Why does that make it much less interesting, Max Burns?
00:13:43.000 There's a Scientology course, I guess you'd call it, that involves slapping, physically humiliating fellow Scientologists in a group setting as a means of exerting superiority.
00:13:54.000 It is remarkably common within the cult.
00:13:57.000 Wow!
00:13:58.000 Tom Cruise does a similar thing, but his preferred method is shouting an intense personal intimidation Of movie crews.
00:14:05.000 And jumping on a couch.
00:14:07.000 Scientologists, he feels, aren't fulfilling the KSW ideology, etc.
00:14:13.000 It's rare that you see the physical side of it in so public a form.
00:14:16.000 But is Smith a Scientologist?
00:14:19.000 Yeah, oh yeah.
00:14:20.000 Is he 100%?
00:14:21.000 Oh yeah, he's big in.
00:14:22.000 Cruz, Smith, Brooke Shields, Travolta.
00:14:25.000 Let's Google that.
00:14:25.000 I know Travolta is.
00:14:26.000 Let's Google whether Will Smith is actually a Scientist.
00:14:29.000 Beck is?
00:14:29.000 Beck is, yeah.
00:14:31.000 Juliette Lewis is.
00:14:32.000 What?
00:14:32.000 Juliette Lewis?
00:14:33.000 She seems cool.
00:14:34.000 There's some good eggs in there.
00:14:35.000 Yeah, she's a great egg. 1.00
00:14:36.000 I love her.
00:14:36.000 The ones that are raised in it are cool.
00:14:38.000 I fucking love her. 0.97
00:14:39.000 Yeah, I like her too. 0.98
00:14:40.000 She's a badass musician. 1.00
00:14:41.000 You ever see her sing?
00:14:42.000 What?
00:14:42.000 No.
00:14:43.000 She's fucking incredible. 1.00
00:14:45.000 Why Will and Jada are the worst. 1.00
00:14:46.000 Oh, God.
00:14:49.000 Where is that? 0.99
00:14:49.000 Fucking first thing that's New York Post. 0.99
00:14:53.000 By the way, that's in 2021! 0.99
00:14:54.000 That's way before.
00:14:56.000 Nothing to do with this. 0.99
00:14:57.000 That's red table shit. 0.99
00:14:58.000 Willow and Jaden attempted Smith's short-lived school. 1.00
00:15:01.000 Oh, that's right.
00:15:02.000 They had a school for a while.
00:15:03.000 Widely believed to be a center of Scientology called the New Village Leadership.
00:15:08.000 Yikes.
00:15:09.000 Hollywood's totally normal.
00:15:10.000 Everybody there, you should definitely take the word for everything.
00:15:12.000 For everything.
00:15:13.000 Oh, yeah.
00:15:13.000 They're the trendsetters.
00:15:15.000 They're the reason why I'm alive. 1.00
00:15:17.000 What a garbage place. 1.00
00:15:18.000 Without... 1.00
00:15:18.000 No, no. 1.00
00:15:19.000 Sorry.
00:15:19.000 What are you saying?
00:15:20.000 I take it back.
00:15:20.000 The other way.
00:15:21.000 What?
00:15:21.000 The other way.
00:15:22.000 What a great place.
00:15:23.000 I was told today that... 0.99
00:15:24.000 Why is it garbage? 0.96
00:15:24.000 It's my favorite place. 0.96
00:15:25.000 I was told today that...
00:15:26.000 I just don't feel like I'm good enough, so I had to leave.
00:15:28.000 Jada...
00:15:29.000 That's fair.
00:15:29.000 Their open relationship was just for her.
00:15:31.000 Of course it was.
00:15:32.000 Will Smith has attempted to combat Scientology claims over the years, making it clear that he and his wife Jada Pinkett are not a part of Scientology. 1.00
00:15:46.000 So fuck off, Ari. 1.00
00:15:47.000 Oh, I thought he was. 1.00
00:15:49.000 Ari's filled with misinformation.
00:15:51.000 Max Burns!
00:15:51.000 What about Max Burns?
00:15:52.000 I was with you.
00:15:53.000 Max Burns is on heroin.
00:15:56.000 He's just making things up.
00:15:59.000 Max Burns is on heroin.
00:16:00.000 He's just making things up.
00:16:02.000 He's in a fog of fentanyl.
00:16:04.000 He has no idea what he's saying.
00:16:07.000 Will Smith is a good guy and he's not a Scientologist.
00:16:10.000 Yeah.
00:16:10.000 There you go.
00:16:11.000 Yeah, Ari.
00:16:13.000 Yeah, alright.
00:16:14.000 I'll think about that.
00:16:15.000 You guys love controlling the narrative, don't you?
00:16:17.000 Oh, we love it.
00:16:18.000 We love it, dude.
00:16:19.000 If your wife, like, openly is in a public, sort of open relationship, you have to be more reserved than a regular guy.
00:16:29.000 Can you imagine?
00:16:30.000 You gotta be more, you gotta be like, it is what it is.
00:16:33.000 You gotta be that guy with everything.
00:16:35.000 Right?
00:16:36.000 You can't be like Mr. Snap at the fucking slightest. 0.99
00:16:40.000 Yeah, you have to be above everything. 1.00
00:16:41.000 Because your wife's getting fucked by other people. 1.00
00:16:43.000 You have to be so cool. 1.00
00:16:45.000 You should be cool.
00:16:46.000 You're like, nah. 0.98
00:16:47.000 That's just sex. 0.97
00:16:49.000 I got alopecia too, I guess. 0.99
00:16:50.000 I do too.
00:16:51.000 I got her in my beard.
00:16:52.000 I don't understand why she has full stubble.
00:16:54.000 Like her head looks great.
00:16:56.000 She shaved it.
00:16:56.000 But when it's stubble, it's growing back.
00:16:58.000 There's hair.
00:16:59.000 I think she shaves it so she can't pull it out.
00:17:03.000 Oh, when she gets crazy?
00:17:04.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:17:05.000 It's hard having your fucking... 1.00
00:17:06.000 Maybe when she beats Will up, you can't grab her hair. 1.00
00:17:10.000 And they'll fight back. 0.99
00:17:12.000 I don't think the black ladies like the hair pulling. 1.00
00:17:15.000 I've had sex with a couple, and the hair stuff didn't go well. 0.99
00:17:18.000 It's not tied in that tight. 0.78
00:17:19.000 Yeah, I tempted it like that.
00:17:20.000 Go careful.
00:17:21.000 Yeah, you don't want to pull a wig off.
00:17:22.000 Oh, true.
00:17:23.000 Yeah, it could have been a wig.
00:17:23.000 It was braids.
00:17:24.000 Oh.
00:17:25.000 So I thought it was pullable. 1.00
00:17:27.000 So you tried some white girl shit on a black lady? 1.00
00:17:29.000 Yes. 1.00
00:17:29.000 Yeah, don't do that. 1.00
00:17:30.000 Oh, okay.
00:17:31.000 Know your role.
00:17:32.000 I guess so.
00:17:35.000 Turn a Laquisha into a Becky. 1.00
00:17:37.000 Ooh.
00:17:38.000 A Laquisha into a Becky. 0.96
00:17:39.000 Laquisha?
00:17:40.000 There's no other- There's gotta be a couple McRishas kicking around. 1.00
00:17:44.000 Isn't it funny that there's no other word like a Karen?
00:17:47.000 Like, Karen is like, there's no- I guess it's Chad for white guys, but it doesn't really work. 0.56
00:17:52.000 Nothing.
00:17:52.000 Karen is like locked down.
00:17:53.000 Karen, they get mad about Karen now.
00:17:55.000 That's fighting words now to them.
00:17:57.000 Yeah. 0.99
00:17:57.000 And if your fucking name is Karen, like, you've been Karen your whole life until about six, seven years ago, it all fell apart on you. 0.99
00:18:03.000 What if you're a black woman named Karen? 1.00
00:18:05.000 That's even weirder. 0.97
00:18:06.000 You gotta just deal with that.
00:18:08.000 At least nobody's...
00:18:08.000 Do you know any?
00:18:10.000 There's gotta be a black Karen. 1.00
00:18:11.000 There's gotta be a few.
00:18:12.000 Yeah.
00:18:12.000 Pull it up, J-Mo.
00:18:13.000 Type in black Karen.
00:18:15.000 How about famous black Karens?
00:18:16.000 Is there famous black Karens?
00:18:17.000 Jada Pinkett Smith?
00:18:18.000 Yeah.
00:18:19.000 No, I don't know.
00:18:19.000 His name's Jada.
00:18:20.000 Oh.
00:18:21.000 Jada.
00:18:21.000 In real life.
00:18:22.000 Different name. 1.00
00:18:23.000 What a wild fucking thing. 1.00
00:18:25.000 It's a wild thing. 1.00
00:18:26.000 It's so crazy that the more time goes on, the less I can believe it actually happened.
00:18:31.000 You know what I don't like, too?
00:18:31.000 It seems more nuts.
00:18:32.000 You see day one, it was how dare Will Smith.
00:18:36.000 There's all the People magazine, how dare Will Smith do this, you know, violence.
00:18:40.000 And then day two, the publicist took over, and then it's this man fiercely defended his wife.
00:18:45.000 Like, you could just tell the publicist, we've got to spin this somehow.
00:18:47.000 But that's just telling Chris Rock under the bus even more.
00:18:51.000 Ticket prices went up 400%.
00:18:52.000 Yeah, his ticket prices went through the roof.
00:18:54.000 How's that possible, 400%?
00:18:56.000 That's what the headline is.
00:18:57.000 I know, I've heard that.
00:18:58.000 Why is that hard?
00:18:59.000 Because he would have to be sold out now and be at 20% sold before. 0.97
00:19:03.000 No, dummy.
00:19:04.000 No, the price. 0.91
00:19:05.000 If he sells 100 tickets a day, now he's selling 400 tickets a day.
00:19:09.000 Tickets went up per day.
00:19:10.000 I thought you said the price went up.
00:19:12.000 Yeah.
00:19:12.000 Oh, his price went up 400%?
00:19:14.000 Price went up.
00:19:14.000 Oh, that's crazy.
00:19:15.000 He just charged five times as much?
00:19:17.000 Yeah, but ticket was $50.
00:19:18.000 Now it's $450.
00:19:20.000 $250.
00:19:21.000 Oh, that's weird.
00:19:23.000 That's weird.
00:19:23.000 That's true.
00:19:24.000 Charge more?
00:19:24.000 Really?
00:19:25.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:19:25.000 So the agents get their slimy little paws all over the situation.
00:19:29.000 Ticket price went up 400%.
00:19:30.000 And people are dying to see it.
00:19:31.000 Oh, I thought his ticket sales...
00:19:33.000 I know his ticket sales have gone crazy.
00:19:34.000 Ticket sales per day.
00:19:35.000 Both went up.
00:19:37.000 They said he moved more tickets in a few days after the Oscars than a whole month.
00:19:41.000 You know what's the best?
00:19:42.000 Him not saying anything, we all wanted him to say something, but him not saying anything allowed the internet to say, we'll take it over for you, dude.
00:19:49.000 He also was close.
00:19:51.000 He was close.
00:19:52.000 He had that one moment where he was like, ooh, I couldn't.
00:19:54.000 He even says it.
00:19:55.000 He's like, yeah, right after he got slapped, he's like, it was just a joke. 0.90
00:19:57.000 He's like, shut up about my wife. 0.83
00:19:59.000 Yeah. 0.98
00:20:00.000 He goes, ooh.
00:20:01.000 But the way he said it, it's such a crazy meltdown.
00:20:07.000 Like, you see his face when his lips are quivering. 1.00
00:20:10.000 Leave my wife's name out of your fucking mouth! 1.00
00:20:14.000 It's like, whoa! 1.00
00:20:16.000 Yeah.
00:20:16.000 And the weird thing, he wasn't even saying, out of your.
00:20:18.000 He goes, out your mouth. 0.82
00:20:19.000 Like, he's invoking ghetto black culture when he's being violent, because that's what he thinks violence is. 1.00
00:20:24.000 Ghetto black. 1.00
00:20:24.000 He's playing a role. 1.00
00:20:25.000 He's playing a role of a guy who can just slap people.
00:20:28.000 I'm kind of jealous of that.
00:20:29.000 Yeah. 0.99
00:20:30.000 Like, I wish I was that fucking nuts. 0.99
00:20:31.000 Things were coming from this marketplace, just so you know. 0.99
00:20:34.000 Oh, is that one of them things where...
00:20:36.000 They said they sold more than I imagined.
00:20:38.000 Oh, there you go.
00:20:39.000 We sold more tickets to Chris Rock overnight than we did in the past month combined.
00:20:42.000 Had increased to 411. That's way more than 40%.
00:20:45.000 That's what's crazy.
00:20:46.000 The cheapest tickets were sold.
00:20:48.000 But is that...
00:20:48.000 Oh, resale.
00:20:49.000 It's all resale.
00:20:50.000 Oh, okay.
00:20:52.000 So it's not agents that got the greasy hands on it. 1.00
00:20:55.000 It's all those fucking scalpers. 1.00
00:20:56.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:20:57.000 They do that, man.
00:20:57.000 There's nothing you can do about that.
00:20:58.000 I hate it.
00:20:59.000 People are like, how come a ticket for $300?
00:21:00.000 I'm like, it's not even sold out.
00:21:02.000 Go to my website.
00:21:03.000 Don't do that.
00:21:05.000 I mean, right now, I'm doing Vegas soon, so today my tickets went on pre-sale.
00:21:10.000 And I have a pre-sale password, so you have to do all the registering and everything to do all that.
00:21:15.000 But still, people still buy tickets and resell them for shitloads of money.
00:21:19.000 There's not much you can do about it. 1.00
00:21:20.000 They get idiots. 1.00
00:21:21.000 They don't even know it's not sold out. 1.00
00:21:23.000 Louie used to do a great thing at the store.
00:21:25.000 He used to make everybody pay cash, and you had to line up the day of the show.
00:21:29.000 Yeah, you could only buy two tickets at a time.
00:21:31.000 Only buy two tickets.
00:21:32.000 Four.
00:21:32.000 No surcharge, no fees.
00:21:34.000 And you had to pay in cash.
00:21:36.000 I mean, we and the door guys made a lot of money off that.
00:21:38.000 Yeah.
00:21:39.000 A lot of them and, like, triple price.
00:21:41.000 Like, who wants them?
00:21:42.000 Really?
00:21:42.000 We know there's going to be a line.
00:21:43.000 Who wants them?
00:21:44.000 Really?
00:21:44.000 Oh, yeah.
00:21:45.000 Because we fucked up when Rob Williams came, we realized we should have. 0.97
00:21:48.000 And then we ended up having Louie, like, I got 40 bucks on me. 0.95
00:21:50.000 They used to get big tips to give people booths, right?
00:21:54.000 The booth was a big thing.
00:21:56.000 Not in my day.
00:21:57.000 Kinnison's day and then five years ago.
00:22:00.000 Oh, really?
00:22:00.000 When I was a door guy, it was like, please give me a dollar.
00:22:05.000 Nobody would give you any money for the booth?
00:22:07.000 Occasionally on weekends, New Year's Eve was good.
00:22:09.000 You can make like a hundred bucks on New Year's Eve.
00:22:11.000 Isn't it funny how the store goes through cycles?
00:22:13.000 It always has.
00:22:14.000 It goes through these cycles.
00:22:15.000 When I was back last weekend, man, it felt like a normal weekend at the store.
00:22:20.000 It was mobbed.
00:22:21.000 Really?
00:22:21.000 It was mobbed.
00:22:22.000 Everybody was hanging out.
00:22:23.000 It was really fun.
00:22:24.000 Yeah. 0.98
00:22:25.000 Really fucking fun. 0.98
00:22:25.000 Well, that's just comedy. 0.98
00:22:26.000 Comedy goes in waves.
00:22:27.000 Yeah?
00:22:27.000 Yeah.
00:22:28.000 I guess, but the store really goes in waves.
00:22:31.000 Yeah.
00:22:31.000 The store was hot when Kinnison was there.
00:22:34.000 When I came there in 94, there was fucking nobody there. 0.98
00:22:36.000 It was weird. 0.98
00:22:37.000 It was like half-filled crowds.
00:22:38.000 It was dead.
00:22:38.000 We wouldn't start the show.
00:22:40.000 Tuesday night, it'd be like 9 o'clock show by 10.30.
00:22:42.000 We'd be like, should we call it?
00:22:43.000 There's no one in here.
00:22:44.000 What year did you start?
00:22:45.000 99. And it was bad.
00:22:47.000 It was bad.
00:22:49.000 It was bad until like 2002. It was starting to get better in the 90s.
00:22:54.000 Then it was okay.
00:22:55.000 And then 2002, it was getting pretty good.
00:22:58.000 Then 2003 and 2004, it really got rocking.
00:23:02.000 It was still so-so.
00:23:03.000 No, it was rockin', 2004, 2005, yeah, up until 2007, then I got banned, but the real comeback was 2014, when you did your special, and then I came back, and then Diaz came back, and then Duncan and everybody came back,
00:23:20.000 and then it was mobbed every night.
00:23:23.000 Shortly after, or maybe right before, no, shortly after, eBay took over.
00:23:27.000 Oh, Adam.
00:23:28.000 Yeah.
00:23:28.000 He was up before that, though.
00:23:30.000 He's one of the guys who got me there.
00:23:31.000 Because he came to the improv when I was headlining at the improv.
00:23:34.000 He goes, well, we'd really like to have you back at the store. 0.99
00:23:36.000 I was like, fuck Tommy. 0.99
00:23:37.000 But Tommy was still there. 1.00
00:23:38.000 He was like, Tommy's fired.
00:23:40.000 And I was like, oh.
00:23:41.000 And then Ari was doing his special.
00:23:44.000 Tommy was still there when he did my special, wasn't he?
00:23:45.000 No.
00:23:46.000 I thought he was still there.
00:23:47.000 He was gone, buddy. 0.98
00:23:49.000 Damn, I don't remember that at all. 0.99
00:23:50.000 He was gone, 100%. 0.99
00:23:50.000 Because I came after that. 0.99
00:23:54.000 I came after he'd been fired.
00:23:55.000 And then it was just game on.
00:23:57.000 That's when it blew up.
00:23:58.000 That's when it blew up. 0.99
00:23:59.000 Because that's when it was just like, holy shit. 0.99
00:24:01.000 You think that was podcasting? 1.00
00:24:03.000 100%.
00:24:03.000 100%.
00:24:04.000 We always talked about it when we were doing the podcast from his fucking living room. 0.99
00:24:08.000 We'd always talk about crazy stories in the store. 0.99
00:24:10.000 We built it up when I was gone.
00:24:10.000 And it was like, what is this place?
00:24:11.000 Yeah, when he wasn't even there.
00:24:13.000 We built it up when I wasn't even going there.
00:24:15.000 And then when I came back, it just exploded.
00:24:17.000 We'd have stories of, like, Brett Ernst and stuff, and people are like, who are these mythical, like, people?
00:24:21.000 And then they would go show up.
00:24:23.000 The same as, like, Louis doing his, like, intro from the cellar.
00:24:26.000 People are like, I guess that's the place to go.
00:24:27.000 Right.
00:24:28.000 You know, but way more so with this, because it's constant stories. 0.93
00:24:31.000 Yeah, the thing about the internet is, man, when people find out about a cool place like that, and they go and actually have the experience, and they tell their friends, like, oh my god, we saw this guy and that guy and Sebastian, and fucking...
00:24:42.000 Santino.
00:24:42.000 It's just like, it's having a place that you could go where you're gonna have a good time.
00:24:46.000 You're gonna have a good time. 0.99
00:24:47.000 How about fucking last night? 1.00
00:24:49.000 What a goddamn lineup. 1.00
00:24:50.000 Hell of a shit was it. 1.00
00:24:51.000 Hans Kim, Ron White, Mark Norman, Shane Gillis, Tony Hinchcliffe, and me. 1.00
00:24:57.000 Chaos!
00:24:58.000 Yeah, it was a good one.
00:24:59.000 Hot crowd, too. 0.99
00:25:00.000 Fucking crowd was amazing! 1.00
00:25:01.000 What'd you do, two hours? 1.00
00:25:03.000 Three and a half?
00:25:03.000 Hour and 40 minutes.
00:25:04.000 Holy shit! 0.99
00:25:05.000 The Q&A is my favorite part. 0.99
00:25:08.000 I was hammered, too. 1.00
00:25:09.000 The Q&A, he'll get fucked up, and people will ask a question, and sometimes it goes well, but every once in a while I'll be like, what kind of question is that, motherfucker? 1.00
00:25:15.000 He's like, ask anything! 0.99
00:25:16.000 You can literally watch someone just...
00:25:18.000 Get their whole world...
00:25:20.000 Shattered.
00:25:21.000 I'm here to see Joe Rogan.
00:25:21.000 This is going to be so cool.
00:25:22.000 It's like, uh, Joe...
00:25:23.000 What's your favorite ice cream? 1.00
00:25:25.000 Yeah, you're like, shut up, pussy. 1.00
00:25:26.000 I'll fuck your mother. 1.00
00:25:27.000 And he's like, uh... 1.00
00:25:29.000 I was told you wanted questions.
00:25:31.000 I didn't know we could do that.
00:25:32.000 You didn't say that.
00:25:33.000 I've done Q&As.
00:25:34.000 I just assume you have to answer everything. 0.99
00:25:36.000 I didn't know you could go, oh, that's dumb. 0.99
00:25:38.000 Yeah, you gotta say it. 0.99
00:25:39.000 Come on, give me a better question.
00:25:40.000 You gotta mock their questions.
00:25:41.000 We used to have two speakers, two microphones in the aisles.
00:25:45.000 Oh yeah, remember those?
00:25:45.000 And at the end of your show, people would come on up and ask questions.
00:25:47.000 And it was just like, 50% of them was like, what did you think of this one fight?
00:25:51.000 I can't have that.
00:25:53.000 God.
00:25:54.000 The problem with even the stand-up on the spot thing is too many people have their hands up, too many people are yelling, and they're not paying attention.
00:26:00.000 They do a show out here called The Rift, and it's a better setup.
00:26:03.000 And what they do is they have a wheel.
00:26:05.000 And the audience gets to write a topic...
00:26:09.000 On the card, on a card, and then they just peg them to the wheel, and you spin the wheel, and it lands on one, and I've done that before, Creak in the Cave.
00:26:17.000 It's way better because no one's yelling out things in the audience.
00:26:20.000 Like that version of it is the way you should do that kind of an improvisation show.
00:26:25.000 Because you can come up with bits on those shows where you don't ever do material.
00:26:29.000 It's great.
00:26:30.000 The problem is that people get too yelly and lift their hands up, and then they're not.
00:26:35.000 Like, the thing last night.
00:26:36.000 Like, I'm in the middle of answering one question, and guys are going, Joe, Joe!
00:26:40.000 I'm in the middle of talking.
00:26:41.000 Oh, that's what you used to do on the road.
00:26:43.000 You go, guys, the only way this works is you have to wait until I'm done, and I'll say any more questions, and then...
00:26:48.000 You can't interrupt.
00:26:49.000 But people are drunk.
00:26:50.000 People are drunk.
00:26:51.000 They're drunk.
00:26:52.000 They're having fun.
00:26:52.000 Remember that show, Set List?
00:26:54.000 Yeah.
00:26:54.000 It was a fun idea, but the suggestions weren't great.
00:26:57.000 They went too far.
00:26:58.000 It was like, placenta smoothie.
00:26:59.000 You're like, no, just say abortion. 1.00
00:27:00.000 I'll get to talk about that, but this is stupid. 1.00
00:27:03.000 This is like a non-thing. 0.99
00:27:04.000 I don't even know what these words are.
00:27:05.000 You're trying to be funny.
00:27:06.000 It's like writers came up with the topic. 1.00
00:27:08.000 Yeah, it sucks.
00:27:08.000 You want the audience to come up with the topic, because you'll be stunned occasionally.
00:27:11.000 That sucks. 0.99
00:27:12.000 Yeah. 0.97
00:27:12.000 What you need is you need the audience to come up with a topic and, you know, you go through the cards. 0.97
00:27:18.000 So, like, does your mom know you're gay? 0.93
00:27:20.000 Throw that one out. 1.00
00:27:20.000 You know what I mean? 1.00
00:27:21.000 Right.
00:27:22.000 You know what I mean?
00:27:22.000 Like, you gotta find the ones...
00:27:23.000 I was drunk when I wrote that.
00:27:24.000 Yeah, that's a good one.
00:27:26.000 That's a good question.
00:27:28.000 Those you gotta throw out.
00:27:29.000 She suspects.
00:27:30.000 Those you gotta throw out. 0.99
00:27:31.000 What's your favorite flavor, cock? 0.99
00:27:33.000 I bring the same friend over for Christmas every year, but... 0.99
00:27:36.000 Hey! 0.99
00:27:36.000 Yeah, but I think that that's the best way to do it, is have the audience write a suggestion down on a card, have someone go through the cards, take out the preposterous ones, and then put all the cards in like a wheel. 0.99
00:27:47.000 Spin the wheel, crank it.
00:27:48.000 And then you get what you get.
00:27:49.000 That's what I want to do at the new club.
00:27:51.000 I'm going to have a night like that at the new club.
00:27:54.000 But have a wheel.
00:27:56.000 By the way, good questions you can keep for next time.
00:27:58.000 If we didn't get to them, leave it in there.
00:28:00.000 Yeah, if you have a stack of questions, you don't even need the audience.
00:28:03.000 I've tried to do the Q&A thing sometimes.
00:28:05.000 I do it. 0.94
00:28:06.000 Because I've got to get new material and shit. 0.85
00:28:08.000 I'm like, alright, let's see how this goes. 0.99
00:28:10.000 If that goes bad, that sucks.
00:28:11.000 But every now and then, you get a gem. 0.98
00:28:14.000 If you do five or six of those Q&As in a row, for me, one of them, like last night I have a gem, and I gotta go over the recordings and listen to it, but there was one where I was in the middle of it, and I was like, holy shit, this is a real premise.
00:28:25.000 And people were laughing like it was a bit.
00:28:27.000 I was like, this is a premise.
00:28:29.000 And the more you do it, the better at it you get.
00:28:30.000 And then by the fifth night, you're just zinging and zanging.
00:28:34.000 Yeah, I've done it a couple times where I ended strong, like a closer, killed, and then I was like, hey, you know what?
00:28:39.000 I'm going to hang out.
00:28:40.000 You guys got any questions?
00:28:41.000 And people are just like, wait, where's Matt? 1.00
00:28:43.000 It's like, people just yell, do Trump taking a shit? 1.00
00:28:47.000 What about Trump? 1.00
00:28:47.000 Do Trump Hitler? 1.00
00:28:49.000 It's better in the check drop section, and then you end with your fucking last bit. 0.99
00:28:53.000 That's not a bad move, right? 1.00
00:28:54.000 You used to do that with the wolf bit, but you save it until after that shit. 0.97
00:28:58.000 It's hard to follow a Q&A, because it gets kind of amped up, and then you go back to, like, Uber's weird, and it's kind of a drop. 0.97
00:29:04.000 And the problem is people have got their hands up while you're doing Uber's weird.
00:29:09.000 Hey, hey, hey.
00:29:11.000 How do you guys write?
00:29:12.000 How do you write, Shane?
00:29:13.000 I just did podcasts.
00:29:16.000 If I could make Matt laugh, I'm like, alright, that's good. 0.98
00:29:20.000 I think the best at that, the fucking riff, just riffing, is Tim. 1.00
00:29:25.000 Tim Dillon's the fucking... 1.00
00:29:27.000 He's the king. 1.00
00:29:28.000 He's the king.
00:29:28.000 Tim and Burr both do life.
00:29:29.000 Burr's great, but Burr, a lot of times, Burr gets serious about stuff.
00:29:33.000 It's great. 0.76
00:29:35.000 Tim stays ridiculous. 0.53
00:29:36.000 It's amazing how Burr comes up with material. 0.85
00:29:38.000 He turns over material so well.
00:29:40.000 So fast.
00:29:40.000 And part of it is because he has that rant muscle.
00:29:42.000 And he sits for an hour every week.
00:29:45.000 Two times a week.
00:29:46.000 Monday and Thursday.
00:29:48.000 Dylan is consistently hilarious doing it. 0.87
00:29:52.000 Even when he gets serious, he's serious for like 10 seconds and then he says something ridiculous.
00:29:57.000 He'll stay funny.
00:29:58.000 Even if he has to make a serious point that he wants out, he'll stay funny while he's doing it.
00:30:01.000 And he has good takes.
00:30:02.000 You're like, oh, that's a good point.
00:30:03.000 I never thought of it that way.
00:30:04.000 And it's funny.
00:30:05.000 He's the master of that form.
00:30:08.000 Also, he's got his buddy, Ben, who's his...
00:30:11.000 Who laughs?
00:30:13.000 What's her name?
00:30:14.000 No, what's her name from Stern?
00:30:16.000 Robin Clevers.
00:30:17.000 Robin Clevers.
00:30:18.000 Yeah, but it's better, because he doesn't chime in much. 0.99
00:30:22.000 He's just a one-person fan who's laughing at everything, and then Tim's wearing fucking cop aviators, and he seems like he's high as fuck, but he's sober. 1.00
00:30:33.000 He's crazy. 1.00
00:30:34.000 Yeah, and gay. 1.00
00:30:34.000 Yeah, he's high off semen. 1.00
00:30:36.000 A lot of people don't believe he's gay. 1.00
00:30:37.000 I don't believe he's gay.
00:30:38.000 My wife doesn't believe he's gay. 0.98
00:30:40.000 Oh, he's gay. 1.00
00:30:40.000 There's nothing about him that seems gay. 1.00
00:30:42.000 I'll tell you, there's something about him that seems gay. 1.00
00:30:44.000 He fucks guys. 1.00
00:30:47.000 Sometimes he fucks guys in their butts. 1.00
00:30:49.000 That'll do it. 1.00
00:30:49.000 Are you sure he does that, or maybe he just fucks their mouths? 1.00
00:30:52.000 True, true. 0.99
00:30:52.000 I think he takes it. 0.99
00:30:54.000 Oh, really?
00:30:55.000 I thought, like, twinks.
00:30:55.000 The loud guys always take it.
00:30:57.000 How do you know?
00:30:58.000 My dad. 1.00
00:31:02.000 Did your dad have butt sex with guys? 1.00
00:31:04.000 I'm assuming. 1.00
00:31:05.000 He's, you know, hippie from the 60s.
00:31:06.000 He's of that age.
00:31:07.000 They tried it.
00:31:08.000 They all tried it.
00:31:09.000 Apparently, that was the thing during the rock and roll era.
00:31:11.000 They said that Mick Jagger and David Bowie were found in bed together by Mick Jagger's wife.
00:31:16.000 Mooney and Carter.
00:31:17.000 They run through all the posts.
00:31:18.000 You get bored.
00:31:18.000 It's like Gerbil with Richard Gere.
00:31:21.000 That's not true.
00:31:22.000 Oh, come on. 0.87
00:31:24.000 True.
00:31:24.000 He's a Scientologist, that gerbil.
00:31:27.000 That gerbil story was because of Scientology.
00:31:29.000 Wait, did we talk about it last time we did?
00:31:31.000 No, really?
00:31:32.000 Yeah, he left Scientology.
00:31:34.000 When he left Scientology, they smeared him.
00:31:37.000 They revealed the truth.
00:31:38.000 They got a rough one on him.
00:31:39.000 That's what they threaten you with.
00:31:41.000 Hey, we know your secret.
00:31:41.000 If you leave, allow you.
00:31:43.000 Can you imagine if that's what you're looking forward to all day?
00:31:46.000 You're at work doing data collection.
00:31:48.000 You've got a gerbil in a tank.
00:31:50.000 One day.
00:31:51.000 That gerbil's just on the wheel back home.
00:31:53.000 He has no idea what's coming, dude.
00:31:54.000 I know. 1.00
00:31:55.000 You're going to go in an asshole, though. 1.00
00:31:57.000 You've got a vat of lube. 1.00
00:31:58.000 You're going to just dunk him in that lube. 0.99
00:32:01.000 And you've got to declaw it, let's be honest. 1.00
00:32:03.000 You don't want a lot of this shit. 0.99
00:32:04.000 You tape him up. 1.00
00:32:05.000 Oh, you tape him up?
00:32:07.000 Yeah, you tape him. 1.00
00:32:07.000 You tape your butthole closed? 1.00
00:32:09.000 Tape his little mouth, tape his little feet, shove him in there and have him wiggle around. 1.00
00:32:14.000 The taping part's gotta be kind of adorable, though.
00:32:16.000 Getting his little arms together.
00:32:18.000 It's like a hostage.
00:32:20.000 It's horrible.
00:32:21.000 It's like you're kidnapping him.
00:32:22.000 I never even thought of that.
00:32:23.000 You tape him.
00:32:24.000 You gotta tape. 0.99
00:32:26.000 Otherwise they'll kill you. 1.00
00:32:27.000 How do you even get him in your ass? 1.00
00:32:29.000 You think you shove a habitrail in there first, open it up nice, and then just blow him through? 1.00
00:32:34.000 I think you put a treat in there and let him do their job.
00:32:36.000 Your lover gets on the other end like a blow dart. 1.00
00:32:37.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:32:39.000 And shoots that treble right in your asshole. 1.00
00:32:41.000 I wonder if it's one of those things you stick a tube in your butt and it goes towards the heat. 1.00
00:32:46.000 Maybe. 0.99
00:32:46.000 It could be one of those. 0.99
00:32:47.000 Like a missile.
00:32:48.000 I think it just moves around.
00:32:50.000 It's duct taped.
00:32:51.000 Right.
00:32:52.000 Is that a real thing?
00:32:53.000 Are you sure there's tape?
00:32:54.000 Yeah.
00:32:54.000 I mean, it makes perfect sense.
00:32:56.000 It can't move if it's taped.
00:32:57.000 It needs the legs. 0.91
00:32:58.000 I mean, it makes perfect sense.
00:32:59.000 Yeah, otherwise it would have to be declawed.
00:33:00.000 Is it a real thing?
00:33:01.000 Do people do it?
00:33:02.000 That's a good question.
00:33:03.000 Forget gear.
00:33:03.000 Is it a thing that's done?
00:33:05.000 Yes.
00:33:05.000 Jamie...
00:33:06.000 There's got to be some videos.
00:33:07.000 Yeah, that's a good question.
00:33:08.000 Jada Pinkett does it. 1.00
00:33:09.000 This guy's got a trouble in his ass? 1.00
00:33:10.000 What is happening here? 1.00
00:33:12.000 Oh, these guys don't crack out of each other's ass. 1.00
00:33:14.000 I can't watch this. 1.00
00:33:15.000 Oh, he's boofing him with the crack.
00:33:16.000 He's boofing him. 1.00
00:33:17.000 He's hit him in his butt. 1.00
00:33:18.000 He's going to shoot the crack in his ass? 1.00
00:33:20.000 Jar of piss on the floor, too. 1.00
00:33:21.000 I love they always have the fucking hospital band still on. 0.99
00:33:24.000 Yeah. 0.99
00:33:25.000 This is an old junkie, too.
00:33:27.000 Man, that guy's had time.
00:33:29.000 You let it all go, you junkie! 1.00
00:33:30.000 He's blowing it right into his asshole. 1.00
00:33:32.000 The new Cheech and Chong's nuts. 1.00
00:33:34.000 I hope he farts it out. 1.00
00:33:35.000 He's digging in that guy's asshole in his face. 1.00
00:33:38.000 I saw a video I sent this. 1.00
00:33:40.000 Look at him breathing heavy.
00:33:41.000 Look at the guy on the right.
00:33:42.000 Replay that, please.
00:33:43.000 The guy, just back it up. 1.00
00:33:44.000 Look at the guy who's taking the crack in his ass. 1.00
00:33:47.000 Look how excited he is. 1.00
00:33:48.000 Look at his breath.
00:33:50.000 He's exhaling it.
00:33:52.000 That's his first fun time all day.
00:33:54.000 We gotta try that today.
00:33:55.000 That's gotta feel so good, dude.
00:33:57.000 What a good bonding experience. 1.00
00:33:58.000 Getting crack in your ass. 1.00
00:33:59.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00
00:34:00.000 It must be the best.
00:34:01.000 It's definitely a bonding experience.
00:34:02.000 Because crack in your mouth is good. 1.00
00:34:04.000 So in your ass, it must be unbelievable. 1.00
00:34:07.000 Has anybody here ever tried crack? 1.00
00:34:09.000 No.
00:34:09.000 Coke, sure, but no crack.
00:34:11.000 It's got to be the same.
00:34:12.000 That's what Carl Hart says.
00:34:13.000 Diaz said he did crack for six months once.
00:34:15.000 And you're like, why?
00:34:16.000 He's like, because the Coke deal was out of my way and the crack deal was on the way home from the store.
00:34:19.000 It's just easier.
00:34:21.000 It's easier.
00:34:22.000 Yeah.
00:34:23.000 He goes, I didn't have to make it left on Schrader.
00:34:25.000 Now that Joey's not doing any hard drugs, that he just smokes weed, he'll talk to you.
00:34:31.000 He'll take a pill once in a while.
00:34:32.000 Oh yeah, but he's not doing whatever he was doing when we were worried.
00:34:37.000 Right, right, right.
00:34:38.000 When he disappeared to go meet a guy with a package.
00:34:41.000 Yeah, weird moments where he'd just vanish.
00:34:44.000 There were times where you just wondered, is he going to be alive tomorrow?
00:34:49.000 When are we going to see him again?
00:34:51.000 There were moments where Joey, until his career started going well.
00:34:54.000 He just quit?
00:34:55.000 Yeah.
00:34:56.000 Quick Coke?
00:34:57.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:34:57.000 Damn. 1.00
00:34:58.000 And his career started taking off and there was something, something came along with the internet where people started to realize who Joey Diaz was. 0.99
00:35:04.000 He could find his audience too.
00:35:05.000 Yeah.
00:35:05.000 And they could find him.
00:35:06.000 You're not going to get a Joey Diaz off of fucking Evening at the Improv. 0.99
00:35:09.000 No. 0.99
00:35:09.000 You're never going to understand him. 0.99
00:35:10.000 They tried. 1.00
00:35:11.000 Every one of his tape sets was like, what the fuck? 0.99
00:35:13.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:35:14.000 This is so much darker and dirtier than anything you've ever seen.
00:35:17.000 Right.
00:35:17.000 On like film.
00:35:19.000 Well, when he did This Is Not Happening, that's when you got a chance to see the real him.
00:35:23.000 Yeah. 0.99
00:35:23.000 If Comedy Central had any fucking brains, they'd rehire you and do that show again. 0.99
00:35:27.000 It's over. 1.00
00:35:27.000 Let it go. 1.00
00:35:28.000 I like Roy Wood.
00:35:29.000 Let it go.
00:35:30.000 Roy Wood's great.
00:35:31.000 I love Roy Wood. 1.00
00:35:32.000 Roy Wood's fucking great. 1.00
00:35:33.000 He's a beast. 0.99
00:35:33.000 I love that dude. 0.99
00:35:34.000 I love him.
00:35:34.000 He's a hilarious comedian.
00:35:36.000 He's my favorite host.
00:35:37.000 Yeah, and he was one of those guys where him taking over Ari's gig was like, okay, No, he called me for permission.
00:35:46.000 Yeah, he's a big guy.
00:35:47.000 And I said, go for it.
00:35:47.000 We've got to save these jokes.
00:35:48.000 Yeah, he is the man.
00:35:49.000 He's the man.
00:35:49.000 And he was nice to me before I did anything.
00:35:53.000 He was nicer to you after that stuff. 1.00
00:35:55.000 And he's like, Asians suck, dude. 1.00
00:35:57.000 Come on, let's hang out. 1.00
00:35:57.000 Yeah, true. 1.00
00:35:58.000 No, no, I'm not saying get canceled.
00:36:00.000 I'm saying he was nice.
00:36:01.000 The first time I met him, I was with Soder at Sal's house for the Super Bowl thing.
00:36:05.000 And he was there, and he was like, hey, he was the only one.
00:36:07.000 Yeah, he's cool.
00:36:07.000 Everyone else is...
00:36:08.000 You ever hear his hustle stories?
00:36:10.000 Like what he did to make it?
00:36:11.000 Where he was doing morning radio and he would drive like five hours, do a gig, and then five hours back and do radio in the morning. 1.00
00:36:18.000 Like wild shit. 1.00
00:36:19.000 He kills so hard. 1.00
00:36:21.000 He's cool because like Andre Agassi, they taught him how to hit hard and they taught him how to aim. 0.98
00:36:25.000 Roy Wood came as a fucking killer road comic and then came to New York and he was like, I'm already a destruction guy. 0.59
00:36:31.000 And now, let me show you what I can do in New York, too. 0.96
00:36:35.000 Creative side.
00:36:36.000 Yeah, he's great.
00:36:38.000 And also, he's such a good host.
00:36:40.000 That's what I love about him.
00:36:41.000 Great host.
00:36:43.000 It's my show.
00:36:45.000 It's my show.
00:36:46.000 There was Craig Kilborn before Jon Stewart, and Jon Stewart was better.
00:36:50.000 Yeah, this is how it works.
00:36:50.000 Good point.
00:36:53.000 You're Will Smith.
00:36:55.000 He's August whatever. 1.00
00:36:57.000 Jack Parr can't fuck with Carson. 1.00
00:37:00.000 Jack Parr cannot fuck with Carson. 1.00
00:37:01.000 Nobody remembers Jack Parr. 1.00
00:37:02.000 You're Killborn, baby. 1.00
00:37:04.000 Yeah.
00:37:04.000 And then Steve Allen was before, like, in the mix.
00:37:07.000 P.U. I'm drinking here.
00:37:08.000 Hey, easy.
00:37:09.000 Steve Allen was in the mix with Jack Carr.
00:37:12.000 We will get that show going again.
00:37:14.000 Just independently.
00:37:15.000 Who owns the name?
00:37:16.000 Who owns the name?
00:37:17.000 Who owns the name?
00:37:18.000 I was trying to get it back from them, but we could just change it to, like, Shane and I were talking with you the other day.
00:37:21.000 This is still happening.
00:37:22.000 Oh, that's good.
00:37:23.000 Perfect.
00:37:23.000 Yeah.
00:37:24.000 That's perfect.
00:37:25.000 They're going to sue you.
00:37:26.000 They'll sue you for that.
00:37:28.000 It's not necessarily their name or my name.
00:37:30.000 It's like they license a show, so it's a gray area on who has a name. 0.96
00:37:34.000 If they were cool, they should fucking just give it to me. 0.98
00:37:36.000 You need better lawyers. 0.99
00:37:37.000 Yeah.
00:37:38.000 But This Is Not Happening is a great name.
00:37:41.000 Call the whole gang.
00:37:41.000 This Is Not Happening is a great name.
00:37:43.000 Solid name for sure.
00:37:44.000 Solid name. 0.98
00:37:45.000 One of the best owns ever was when your special was coming out and Stern was shitting on you. 0.99
00:37:51.000 Oh, yes! 0.98
00:37:51.000 And you did that video. 0.98
00:37:52.000 I've never heard of this guy. 1.00
00:37:53.000 You did that video with you standing in front of a billboard on Sunset with your fucking face. 1.00
00:37:59.000 Ari Shafir's stand-up comedy special. 1.00
00:38:02.000 The way you owned him.
00:38:04.000 It's like, that's on you.
00:38:06.000 The way you owned him was a master class.
00:38:08.000 Who was this?
00:38:09.000 That was an early Jamie creation.
00:38:13.000 Jamie has nothing to do with that.
00:38:15.000 No, not true.
00:38:15.000 I mean, yeah.
00:38:18.000 Stern shit on Ari. 1.00
00:38:19.000 Stern shit on Ari for a full half an hour. 1.00
00:38:22.000 Why? 1.00
00:38:22.000 Because Ari shit on Stern on my show. 1.00
00:38:24.000 You never saw that? 1.00
00:38:24.000 He said he loved American Sniper, and I was like, fuck him. 1.00
00:38:26.000 Him and Clint Eastwood just stuck each other's wrinkled dicks in their old man camps. 1.00
00:38:29.000 They're totally lost touch. 0.99
00:38:31.000 Dude, it's crazy happening.
00:38:31.000 How you do that?
00:38:32.000 And then someone's like, what?
00:38:34.000 I'm so mad.
00:38:35.000 No, worse.
00:38:35.000 Worse.
00:38:36.000 He spent a whole half hour talking shit about Ari being a loser, and he's got nothing going on. 1.00
00:38:41.000 He's got no career. 1.00
00:38:42.000 A podcast.
00:38:43.000 And then Ari does this brilliant video where he says, it's such an honor that you even know who I am.
00:38:50.000 Mr. Stern.
00:38:50.000 I can call him Mr. Stern.
00:38:51.000 I know you're older, so go into your, what do you use?
00:38:53.000 Netflix Navigator?
00:38:55.000 What is it?
00:38:56.000 Netscape Navigator?
00:38:57.000 You're making fun of people's age?
00:39:00.000 So he does a video.
00:39:01.000 That was a long time ago.
00:39:01.000 He does a video where he searches his own name, and he's like, look, look at all these things.
00:39:07.000 Ari Shaffir, look at this. 0.98
00:39:08.000 Oh, look, I got a special coming out of Comedy Central this weekend.
00:39:11.000 And here's me in front of a billboard.
00:39:13.000 So it's him. 0.99
00:39:14.000 It was fucking magnificent. 0.98
00:39:16.000 That's Ari right there. 1.00
00:39:17.000 Look at this. 0.99
00:39:19.000 It's fucking magnificent. 0.98
00:39:20.000 Wow, that was when Ari had a career. 1.00
00:39:22.000 It was...
00:39:24.000 A magnificent home.
00:39:26.000 Because that billboard was right down the street from the store at Pink Dot.
00:39:31.000 So we drove by it all the time.
00:39:32.000 That was a big win for us.
00:39:34.000 To see Ari's face on that billboard. 0.89
00:39:36.000 A Sunset Loser having a billboard on Sunset.
00:39:38.000 That was a big win, dude.
00:39:40.000 Can we get Roy Wood's face on there now?
00:39:42.000 Literally, what you don't know is just under my underarm, just over the...
00:39:45.000 I know what's there.
00:39:45.000 Is my apartment.
00:39:47.000 Oh, really?
00:39:47.000 Yes.
00:39:47.000 Is my bathroom window.
00:39:49.000 Yes.
00:39:49.000 Right there.
00:39:51.000 What a time to be alive.
00:39:52.000 To have a billboard on Sunset Boulevard, like when Netflix put out Strange Times, when I did Strange Times, they put out a bunch of billboards.
00:40:00.000 On that one?
00:40:01.000 Billboards.
00:40:01.000 And it was cool, but there was one of them right on Sunset, right near Carney's.
00:40:06.000 And it was like driving to work.
00:40:07.000 I would drive from Sunset just so I could see it.
00:40:10.000 I would drive that way from the 405. I would go from the 405 just so I could see the billboard.
00:40:14.000 Like that...
00:40:15.000 That's a win.
00:40:17.000 So when you got that, that was a win for us. 0.99
00:40:19.000 We were looking at that like, fuck yeah, Ari's got a billboard on fucking sunset right next to the store. 1.00
00:40:25.000 From door guy to that. 0.99
00:40:26.000 Yeah, it was cool.
00:40:27.000 That's cool.
00:40:27.000 It was cool.
00:40:29.000 It was like, hey, alright.
00:40:30.000 Because also, Comedy Central never took any of us. 0.73
00:40:32.000 The store was full of losers, so it was like, having that was like this underdog win.
00:40:36.000 How did you get it through to them? 0.97
00:40:39.000 Cuz they don't buy anything.
00:40:40.000 I'll tell you how.
00:40:40.000 They help each other out.
00:40:41.000 He built it up step at a time. 0.95
00:40:43.000 Ari started that fucking thing off in the lab, at the old lab in the improv, the little tiny room. 1.00
00:40:48.000 Oh, yeah. 0.99
00:40:48.000 Back when it was a good setup, before they ruined it. 0.99
00:40:51.000 Yeah, no bar in there, just a black box theater. 0.95
00:40:53.000 They fucked that up. 0.63
00:40:54.000 That way the old setup was so much better. 0.53
00:40:56.000 Yeah.
00:40:56.000 The new setup is like, it's too busy, it's like too close to the front door.
00:41:01.000 People going through it to get to the other room.
00:41:02.000 Not good.
00:41:03.000 But the old setup was amazing because it was really like a little lap.
00:41:06.000 You did it in there a couple times, right?
00:41:07.000 Yeah!
00:41:07.000 Yeah, I did your show there.
00:41:09.000 I did stand-up shows there.
00:41:10.000 It was a great little room.
00:41:11.000 The new room is death.
00:41:13.000 It's weird.
00:41:13.000 Everybody bombs in there but Damon Wayans.
00:41:15.000 I see Damon Wayans killing it.
00:41:16.000 Junior? 0.58
00:41:17.000 No, the big one.
00:41:18.000 Older.
00:41:18.000 Older.
00:41:19.000 Older.
00:41:19.000 He works out his stuff.
00:41:20.000 You know, Damon Wayans has recorded every fucking set he's done since the 90s. 0.97
00:41:25.000 He sets up a tripod with an HD. He's got a camera like this. 0.98
00:41:28.000 And he edits them himself.
00:41:30.000 And he goes over all of his sets.
00:41:32.000 Geez, well where's the next special?
00:41:33.000 What's he waiting for?
00:41:34.000 That's a good question.
00:41:35.000 He's getting that TV money.
00:41:36.000 He was a legit stand-up for a while.
00:41:39.000 When he came in to work out at the store, he would do this thing where he'd do really boring, hacky material for five minutes until the crowd lost faith in him, and then he would start what he's working on. 0.97
00:41:48.000 So you don't give him the fucking freebie as a famous person. 0.90
00:41:51.000 He would intentionally do bad. 0.99
00:41:53.000 Really?
00:41:54.000 Yeah, just to like, okay, you guys are, don't trust me anymore?
00:41:57.000 Cool, here's what I'm actually working on. 0.98
00:41:58.000 I definitely saw him fuck, he definitely fucked around a lot, and like let himself get into holes, where he wasn't getting any laughs for a while, and they would dig himself out of holes, and then sometimes just murder, and then come back. 0.98
00:42:09.000 But he was working on material. 0.99
00:42:10.000 I mean, he was really genuinely working.
00:42:12.000 Why does he have any special?
00:42:13.000 Damon?
00:42:14.000 You're a great comic.
00:42:14.000 He did that show, that ABC show, and I think he made a lot of money, and he got in that whole family comedy situation where you show up, you get those big checks.
00:42:25.000 You can't just start up stand-up again, too.
00:42:27.000 No, he's still doing stand-up.
00:42:29.000 He's still doing stand-up.
00:42:30.000 I think in this day and age, that's why Steve Harvey doesn't do specials.
00:42:35.000 Steve Harvey doesn't do stand-up anymore because he's worried about getting canceled.
00:42:38.000 Really?
00:42:39.000 Yeah, because all these guys had wild material.
00:42:41.000 And then, you know, they have these shows where they're making... 0.98
00:42:43.000 Steve Harvey's making a fucking billion dollars a year. 0.98
00:42:45.000 Dude, Steve Harvey has that one... 0.99
00:42:46.000 He's like, you're lucky I'm not in Iraq. 1.00
00:42:48.000 I'd be fucking shooting everybody. 0.99
00:42:50.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00
00:42:50.000 It's so crazy. 1.00
00:42:51.000 Oh, my God.
00:42:52.000 He's like, I'm not going there.
00:42:53.000 I'd be like, get that little kid out of here. 1.00
00:42:54.000 He should be wearing that fucking murka. 1.00
00:42:56.000 It's like crazy shit. 1.00
00:42:58.000 Yeah, him on Family Feud is ridiculous. 1.00
00:43:01.000 He's hilarious. 0.52
00:43:02.000 Oh, you know comics are doing that. 0.71
00:43:03.000 We gotta get a group going.
00:43:04.000 Moshe Kasher did it with Natasha and a couple other people.
00:43:06.000 Going what? 0.99
00:43:08.000 He's like, hey dude, you can get a family, quote unquote, the three of us, Louis, just like dumb shit, and just go in there and just be a family. 1.00
00:43:17.000 Moshe goes, Moshe, what's your answer? 0.99
00:43:18.000 He goes, will you be on my podcast?
00:43:20.000 No.
00:43:22.000 Mosh is funny.
00:43:23.000 Yeah, that's funny.
00:43:25.000 Oh man, that's a great idea.
00:43:26.000 Fast money.
00:43:27.000 That's all me.
00:43:28.000 Just get paid.
00:43:28.000 Free trip to LA. You're good at that stuff.
00:43:30.000 Oh yeah, I played that for years at home.
00:43:31.000 You are quick.
00:43:33.000 Thank you.
00:43:34.000 Autism.
00:43:35.000 One word quick.
00:43:36.000 How much of that you got?
00:43:38.000 Autism.
00:43:38.000 How much you got?
00:43:39.000 I think I'm pretty good.
00:43:40.000 Like 40?
00:43:41.000 40%?
00:43:42.000 I'd say.
00:43:43.000 Really?
00:43:44.000 Yeah.
00:43:44.000 What makes a person 40% autistic as opposed to a regular person like myself?
00:43:48.000 I think you have a little more emotional intelligence.
00:43:53.000 So what do you do that you go, ha, Sean Dunlap?
00:43:56.000 That's pretty good.
00:43:59.000 I'll tell you, here, let me give you two great Norman autism. 0.92
00:44:03.000 When we went on that ski trip, we're getting on the lift, he's wearing a fucking Dirk Nowitzki jersey, and this guy, trying to be friendly with his family, while we're about to get on the lift, he's like, oh, I thought Dirk was a lot taller than that. 0.52
00:44:14.000 Norman just goes... 0.99
00:44:15.000 Yeah, I'm gay. 1.00
00:44:17.000 And the lift is just some guy standing there with his family like, who the fuck was that guy? 0.99
00:44:22.000 He panicked. 0.98
00:44:23.000 I didn't know what to say.
00:44:23.000 He didn't know what to say.
00:44:24.000 He just goes, I'm gay. 0.75
00:44:25.000 That's default. 0.89
00:44:26.000 That's default.
00:44:27.000 Yes.
00:44:28.000 And then we're on the plane on the way here, and he's like, can I get a whiskey?
00:44:32.000 And he pulls his mask down and goes...
00:44:35.000 To the lady.
00:44:36.000 And this tortoise.
00:44:38.000 She laughed.
00:44:38.000 It's funny.
00:44:39.000 It's funny, but I'm sitting next to her like, what the fuck are you doing? 0.99
00:44:42.000 Did she know who you are? 0.99
00:44:43.000 No.
00:44:43.000 No.
00:44:44.000 It feels weird to end a sentence, so I need some button.
00:44:48.000 Yeah.
00:44:48.000 It's too much awkwardness, so I panic.
00:44:50.000 Right.
00:44:51.000 That's why I don't look at you in the eye.
00:44:52.000 That's why the sunglasses are on right now.
00:44:54.000 Yeah, it helps.
00:44:55.000 My autism results in me bringing up Joe List on This Is Not Happening, and be like, one of my best friends, and you're like, eh.
00:45:00.000 No, actually, he's a good friend of mine.
00:45:02.000 He's a good friend of mine.
00:45:03.000 But I wouldn't say good friend Joe, just because I'm like, why would you include any of that?
00:45:07.000 What was that?
00:45:07.000 He's just autism.
00:45:08.000 It's funny, though, for me to be calling you autistic. 1.00
00:45:10.000 I was literally playing, like, a Civil War simulator on my laptop.
00:45:14.000 That's true.
00:45:14.000 Get the laptop with an RPG going.
00:45:16.000 This giant of a man.
00:45:17.000 You play a Civil War simulator?
00:45:20.000 Yeah, dude.
00:45:20.000 The South shall rise again.
00:45:21.000 And this thing was dense.
00:45:22.000 I mean, he's got money.
00:45:23.000 It's insane.
00:45:24.000 Let's be honest.
00:45:25.000 About anybody who's recreating the Civil War, they're not trying to recreate the same ending.
00:45:28.000 Oh, I am, dude.
00:45:29.000 I love the Union.
00:45:30.000 You want the North to win.
00:45:31.000 I love the North.
00:45:32.000 But most people, those Civil War reenactors...
00:45:35.000 How could the South have done it?
00:45:36.000 Hey, we won!
00:45:37.000 We won, didn't we?
00:45:38.000 The South?
00:45:39.000 Who's we?
00:45:39.000 The South.
00:45:40.000 You're in New Orleans.
00:45:41.000 In what?
00:45:41.000 I'm Louisiana.
00:45:42.000 In what?
00:45:43.000 In what?
00:45:43.000 Didn't we win the first battle?
00:45:44.000 Oh, yes.
00:45:45.000 You were winning the battle.
00:45:46.000 No, you won a lot.
00:45:48.000 Okay!
00:45:48.000 What was the first battle?
00:45:49.000 The first Manassas, or bull run.
00:45:52.000 Thank you.
00:45:53.000 Yeah, you guys got a big victory.
00:45:55.000 It was a union skedaddle they got out of there.
00:45:57.000 That was the one where it was outside of Washington, so a bunch of senators, they thought it was going to be fun.
00:46:02.000 They showed up for picnic baskets, sat on the hill drinking.
00:46:07.000 And watched the battle.
00:46:08.000 Didn't they used to watch on the hill in those days?
00:46:10.000 Yes. 0.97
00:46:10.000 And then it ended up being, that was like, technically, some people say it was like the first modern war, so like they started hitting them with like rifled bullets, and they were like, oh shit, this isn't like what it used to be. 0.97
00:46:20.000 Oh, because they weren't using muskets? 0.96
00:46:22.000 No, it just, shit got very serious, artillery was heavy, it was like... 0.99
00:46:25.000 Woo! 0.99
00:46:26.000 And there was just a, yeah, it was a bloodbath.
00:46:28.000 We'll rise again.
00:46:29.000 I'm against slavery.
00:46:30.000 And then the guys retreated through all the picnics.
00:46:32.000 For the record.
00:46:32.000 Yeah.
00:46:33.000 Yeah, like, dudes covered in blood with, like, their arm hanging off.
00:46:36.000 We're running through the picnics, and there's ladies in those dresses. 1.00
00:46:38.000 We're like, have some class.
00:46:40.000 What's crazy about the Civil War is that the border between the North and the South is, like, a literal border.
00:46:47.000 Like, you could walk across it.
00:46:48.000 Yeah.
00:46:49.000 So, how many murders occurred after the Civil War?
00:46:53.000 What do you mean, murders?
00:46:54.000 Murders where the war was over, but people knew that you shot my daddy and you shot my brother.
00:46:59.000 Oh, a lot.
00:47:00.000 How many?
00:47:00.000 A lot.
00:47:01.000 A lot of murders.
00:47:02.000 Yeah, some guys kept fighting.
00:47:03.000 I mean, the Klan started all this stuff.
00:47:05.000 The Klan started after the Civil War?
00:47:07.000 Yeah, it was in the North.
00:47:08.000 Buford Forest.
00:47:09.000 The Klan started in Illinois?
00:47:11.000 Might have been Indiana.
00:47:12.000 Indiana.
00:47:12.000 Yeah.
00:47:13.000 The Klan started in Indiana?
00:47:14.000 Give it a goog. 1.00
00:47:15.000 Buford?
00:47:16.000 Two weeks ago.
00:47:17.000 Yeah, Forrest Gump's named after the guy.
00:47:19.000 What?
00:47:19.000 Benjamin Buford Forrest.
00:47:20.000 Oh, that's right.
00:47:21.000 Forrest Gump, in the movie, he's like...
00:47:24.000 He started something where they dressed up like ghosts or something.
00:47:27.000 Yeah, and lit crosses on fire.
00:47:28.000 That's so funny.
00:47:29.000 I haven't seen that movie in forever.
00:47:30.000 It's so good.
00:47:32.000 Here it goes.
00:47:34.000 1865, right at the end of the Second Civil War.
00:47:37.000 Second clan?
00:47:38.000 What does that mean?
00:47:39.000 Change it. 0.92
00:47:39.000 Go back to the crackhead. 0.92
00:47:40.000 There are three different ones.
00:47:41.000 Third clan?
00:47:42.000 Wow.
00:47:44.000 What do you think this realistic leg...
00:47:46.000 2,000 Klan members now?
00:47:49.000 Circa around 5,000 to 8,000.
00:47:52.000 And the media makes it into this.
00:47:54.000 It's happening every day, everywhere.
00:47:55.000 I don't think it's that many.
00:47:56.000 3 million to 6 million peaked in 1924 to 1925. Yeah, they were fired up.
00:48:00.000 Wow!
00:48:00.000 In 24 to 25, there were 6 million Klan members?
00:48:03.000 I think that was what's it called?
00:48:05.000 Birth of a Nation, that movement.
00:48:06.000 Everybody got fired up.
00:48:07.000 These guys are cool.
00:48:08.000 You know what's crazy?
00:48:10.000 How many people were here then?
00:48:12.000 That's what's crazy.
00:48:13.000 It wasn't $300 million.
00:48:15.000 That's a good point.
00:48:16.000 $300 million in the 20s is like crazy.
00:48:19.000 How many black people were there? 1.00
00:48:21.000 That's not even enough black people to hate. 1.00
00:48:23.000 At that point, they were after Catholics and Jews and shit also. 1.00
00:48:26.000 Catholics? 1.00
00:48:27.000 Yeah, they hated Catholics. 0.99
00:48:28.000 Back then, they were like, black people know where their place is, but these Jews are owning properties. 1.00
00:48:31.000 You guys do get a little rowdy. 0.95
00:48:33.000 Let's take a guess.
00:48:35.000 Pull back there.
00:48:38.000 If it's the highest number.
00:48:39.000 About three lights away from letting that one go.
00:48:41.000 Bring it on.
00:48:52.000 That's a myth.
00:48:54.000 What do you think the population of the United States was in 25?
00:48:57.000 In 1925?
00:48:59.000 83 million.
00:49:00.000 That's a pretty good guess.
00:49:02.000 I'll say 60 mil.
00:49:04.000 60. So that's 10%?
00:49:06.000 Yeah, I bet.
00:49:07.000 Off our guess.
00:49:07.000 Can you imagine if 10% of the people in the United States were in a Klan?
00:49:11.000 Is that real?
00:49:12.000 That's what the media says.
00:49:13.000 Let's guess.
00:49:14.000 You think it's 60 million?
00:49:15.000 I bet it's 100. I bet it's 100. What do you get?
00:49:18.000 Well, let's go one at a time.
00:49:19.000 How many people?
00:49:20.000 83 million, 147 thousand.
00:49:23.000 60 mil.
00:49:24.000 Is it close without going over?
00:49:25.000 I'm going 60 as well.
00:49:26.000 I'm going to say 100. I'm going to say 100 million.
00:49:28.000 I think it might be like 30 to 80. We're all going to be fucked. 1.00
00:49:32.000 115. Wow! 1.00
00:49:34.000 Joe got it.
00:49:35.000 The Native Americans were still alive, that's why.
00:49:38.000 So 6 million out of 115. Yeah, that's about 5%.
00:49:43.000 That's a lot.
00:49:44.000 That is wild.
00:49:45.000 That's a tithe of clans.
00:49:46.000 From 6 million to 8,000, we're doing a good job.
00:49:50.000 They're going like Catholics. 1.00
00:49:51.000 Nobody's joining up.
00:49:53.000 You guys ever heard of that guy, Daryl Davis?
00:49:55.000 Uh-oh.
00:49:55.000 I've had him on my podcast a couple of times.
00:49:57.000 He's personally converted over 200 Klan members and neo-Nazis.
00:50:01.000 Just by being a cool guy.
00:50:03.000 They just want friends.
00:50:04.000 Yes!
00:50:04.000 Oh, he's a big guy, right?
00:50:05.000 Yeah, he's good.
00:50:06.000 A blues singer, and he would do these gigs, and he sat down with this guy, and he was having a drink, and the guy was like, I never sat down with a black man and had a drink before.
00:50:13.000 He thought he was joking around.
00:50:15.000 He's like, what?
00:50:15.000 And he goes, yeah, I'm in the Klan.
00:50:17.000 He thought it was like a joke.
00:50:18.000 He goes, no, I'm serious.
00:50:19.000 And he pulls out his ID card.
00:50:20.000 His Klan ID? Yes. 0.65
00:50:22.000 Oh, I gotta get one of those. 1.00
00:50:23.000 Shit like a triangle. 1.00
00:50:23.000 Daryl becomes friends with this guy. 1.00
00:50:25.000 When they ask for your fucking vaccine, be like, oh, wrong court. 0.99
00:50:28.000 Daryl becomes friends with this guy, and he converts him. 1.00
00:50:32.000 The guy hands him his fucking Grand Wizard outfit. 0.99
00:50:36.000 He goes, I can't wear this anymore. 1.00
00:50:37.000 Now that I'm friends with you, I know this is bullshit. 1.00
00:50:41.000 He goes, it's bullshit. 1.00
00:50:42.000 I know it's bullshit. 1.00
00:50:42.000 That's really all it takes is meeting one. 1.00
00:50:44.000 By the way, that's exactly the second thing they got Jordan Peterson on.
00:50:48.000 What?
00:50:49.000 The association with the alt-right.
00:50:51.000 And he was like, no, I'm trying to get him to be cool.
00:50:53.000 Right.
00:50:53.000 And they're like, why are you talking to them?
00:50:54.000 I was like, to get him back!
00:50:55.000 Well, he was joking around about the whole frog thing.
00:50:57.000 He thought the frog thing was funny.
00:50:59.000 It was.
00:51:00.000 It's a 4chan thing.
00:51:01.000 It was funny.
00:51:03.000 It's a meaningless symbol that they said, let's just pretend that the right takes it.
00:51:08.000 And the right did take it.
00:51:09.000 And the left got mad.
00:51:10.000 And now 4chan is sitting back going, it doesn't mean anything!
00:51:12.000 Have you seen the guy who created the frog? 0.98
00:51:14.000 He's so fucking, he's beside himself. 0.99
00:51:17.000 He doesn't know what to do. 0.99
00:51:18.000 Oh yeah, the cartoonist? 0.86
00:51:19.000 So he tried to kill off the frog, and everybody's like, nah, we're gonna keep him, or we're gonna give him a Nazi hat.
00:51:24.000 You saw the Q&A doc.
00:51:27.000 There's a doc on the frog guy.
00:51:29.000 Just the frog guy.
00:51:30.000 Oh, there is.
00:51:30.000 Oh, he hated it.
00:51:31.000 That's not my message!
00:51:33.000 His frog was, like, crying.
00:51:34.000 Like, feels bad, man.
00:51:36.000 Yeah.
00:51:36.000 You know, like, that was his frog.
00:51:38.000 It was, like, a silly thing.
00:51:40.000 And that meme took over during the Trump administration. 1.00
00:51:43.000 Damn. 0.99
00:51:43.000 Maybe before. 0.99
00:51:44.000 It was right.
00:51:45.000 It was the build-up.
00:51:46.000 It was the election.
00:51:47.000 Yeah, it was when Milo was still on Twitter.
00:51:48.000 Yeah.
00:51:49.000 God.
00:51:50.000 Milo was the pinnacle of Twitter.
00:51:53.000 Do you think Elon Musk brings Milo and Trump back?
00:51:56.000 I would hope he does.
00:51:57.000 At least Milo.
00:51:58.000 And Trump too.
00:51:59.000 They're so fun.
00:52:00.000 Give him another chance.
00:52:01.000 It's so fun.
00:52:03.000 Let him tweet, dude. 0.99
00:52:05.000 Milo sucks? 1.00
00:52:06.000 Yeah, right? 1.00
00:52:07.000 No, Milo's the best.
00:52:08.000 He just gets people riled up.
00:52:10.000 I don't know him at all.
00:52:12.000 I've never really...
00:52:13.000 I watched his old stuff when he was like...
00:52:17.000 Really angering people?
00:52:18.000 I liked him when he would go to a college and be like...
00:52:20.000 He's a provocateur.
00:52:21.000 It was funny.
00:52:22.000 He's a very smart guy, very articulate guy, very well-read guy who's a provocateur. 0.98
00:52:26.000 In real life he is, but his business was made on talking shit and making people upset with him and saying outrageous things and getting a lot of attention. 0.98
00:52:35.000 The one clip he had where somebody, he's in this panel, he's young, he's got this blonde, bleached blonde hair, and some lady's like, you're not a woman, you can't talk on women's issues. 0.99
00:52:43.000 And then he waits, he waits, and then he talks about men, and she interrupts and goes, hey, Missy?
00:52:47.000 Pretty much goes, we're talking about men right now, so uh-uh, you don't get the voice in here, right? 0.99
00:52:52.000 And then she's just so fucking livid. 0.99
00:52:54.000 He was prime, prime troll. 0.99
00:52:57.000 He was a contrarian. 0.96
00:52:59.000 They took it away.
00:53:00.000 The problem was he was too effective.
00:53:02.000 And he was one of the first guys that Twitter banned.
00:53:04.000 And they banned him under this pretense that he was having people...
00:53:08.000 There's people that are going after Leslie Jones.
00:53:11.000 And you see, I tried to press them when they were on the podcast.
00:53:15.000 Yeah.
00:53:15.000 But they wouldn't admit to this.
00:53:16.000 But they were saying, essentially, that he had more than one account under his name.
00:53:19.000 But he worked for Daily Wire at the time, right?
00:53:21.000 Was it Daily Wire?
00:53:22.000 No.
00:53:23.000 I don't remember.
00:53:23.000 Was it...
00:53:24.000 What was the...
00:53:26.000 Breitbart?
00:53:27.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, Breitbart.
00:53:28.000 Breitbart?
00:53:29.000 But he, you know, there's probably other employees from that same office that shared that IP address that were also logging on, but they tried to attribute, they were saying that he had multiple accounts.
00:53:39.000 They're using excuse to get rid of him.
00:53:40.000 Maybe.
00:53:40.000 I don't know.
00:53:41.000 It's hard to say.
00:53:42.000 I mean, yeah. 0.97
00:53:42.000 But when I pressed them on the show, they were fucking, they were, like, doing legalese calculations in their head as to what they would say. 0.97
00:53:50.000 How do we justify this one? 0.99
00:53:51.000 The reality is we just didn't like him.
00:53:53.000 I wonder why they have to even worry about legal issues.
00:53:55.000 It's their company.
00:53:57.000 They're getting sued left and right by a bunch of people.
00:54:02.000 Multiple people are in the process of suing them.
00:54:05.000 Oh, I'm talking about Twitter.
00:54:08.000 I would imagine he is suing Hillary.
00:54:11.000 Is he really?
00:54:12.000 For what?
00:54:13.000 I don't know.
00:54:14.000 He should have put her in jail when he said he was gonna. 0.99
00:54:15.000 That would have been funny shit. 0.99
00:54:16.000 Dude, if he would have locked her up. 0.99
00:54:17.000 He said, I'm president, I'll lock you up.
00:54:18.000 I was like, dude, that's so funny.
00:54:20.000 As a non-political guy, that would have been hella fun for me.
00:54:22.000 There's a video.
00:54:23.000 They did like a correspondence thing.
00:54:25.000 Suze Hillary Clinton over 2016 Russian collusion allegations.
00:54:28.000 For sure.
00:54:29.000 She started it.
00:54:30.000 Not only did they start it, but they were actually actively spying on him during the time.
00:54:35.000 And they hired people to infiltrate his servers.
00:54:42.000 They're making him likeable.
00:54:44.000 They're making him very likeable.
00:54:46.000 He's going to run again.
00:54:47.000 Suit alleges racketeering in a conspiracy to commit injurious falsehood, amongst other claims.
00:54:52.000 Clinton representative did not respond to a request for comment.
00:54:56.000 Suit seeks compensatory and punitive damages.
00:54:58.000 Trump said he was forced to incur expenses in an amount to be determined at trial, but known to be in excess of $24 million.
00:55:06.000 And continuing to accrue in the form of defense costs, legal fees, and related expenses.
00:55:12.000 I would love that.
00:55:13.000 What if he wins?
00:55:14.000 Why would it be so funny?
00:55:15.000 I hope he doesn't.
00:55:16.000 There's a lot of evidence.
00:55:18.000 We already got fighting.
00:55:20.000 There's a lot of evidence.
00:55:21.000 Good point.
00:55:21.000 There's a lot of evidence that they colluded against him.
00:55:24.000 There's a lot of evidence they spied on him. 0.99
00:55:26.000 A lot of the shit that he was saying that was a wild conspiracy theory... 0.99
00:55:29.000 Not really. 0.99
00:55:30.000 Turns out.
00:55:31.000 Turns out there was a kernel of truth in a lot of what he was saying. 0.99
00:55:34.000 They were actively fucking spying on him. 0.99
00:55:36.000 He should've locked her up. 1.00
00:55:37.000 A fucking sitting president. 1.00
00:55:39.000 That's so fucking fun. 1.00
00:55:40.000 Drain that swamp. 1.00
00:55:41.000 They did like a thing.
00:55:42.000 They do this thing.
00:55:43.000 It used to be almost like the correspondence dinner.
00:55:46.000 It was like right before or after the last debate.
00:55:48.000 Him and Hillary and a bunch of political people had, like, a roast. 0.99
00:55:52.000 And, like, they joke around and shit. 0.99
00:55:54.000 And one of Trump's jokes was, he's like, it's good to see Hillary. 0.99
00:55:57.000 When she walked by my chair, I bumped into her and she said, pardon me.
00:56:02.000 Because he was going to arrest her.
00:56:04.000 And he's like, maybe I will.
00:56:05.000 I don't know.
00:56:06.000 Oh, that's great.
00:56:06.000 Oh, nice, dude.
00:56:08.000 Well, I want to thank your eminence.
00:56:10.000 This is really good.
00:56:10.000 Dude, he kills for like the first half.
00:56:14.000 He's a fucking pope. 1.00
00:56:16.000 Bombs, dude. 1.00
00:56:16.000 Oh yeah, it's a Catholic thing. 1.00
00:56:17.000 It's a bishop thing. 1.00
00:56:18.000 And he's like, yeah, they're going to pretend they like the Catholics, even though they love abortion, like all this shit. 1.00
00:56:23.000 Funny guy, man. 1.00
00:56:24.000 Oh, Katie Courage.
00:56:25.000 Schumer's going to bring it on.
00:56:26.000 Buddies with Schumer.
00:56:27.000 They were all buddies.
00:56:28.000 Oh yeah.
00:56:28.000 They were all buddies.
00:56:28.000 Best friends.
00:56:29.000 That guy's wicked shiny.
00:56:30.000 Yeah.
00:56:31.000 They're all hammered.
00:56:32.000 Well, they're on that adrenochrome. 0.95
00:56:34.000 It's sucking baby blood. 0.95
00:56:36.000 Imagine that being that rich with a bow tie and still rocking a comb off. 0.96
00:56:39.000 Look at the guy with the glasses.
00:56:40.000 He's like, I'm tricking everybody.
00:56:43.000 This is the Illuminati.
00:56:45.000 Who's the girl in the red? 0.62
00:56:46.000 She's something.
00:56:47.000 She looks like an old actress, right?
00:56:49.000 No, she's a news lady. 1.00
00:56:51.000 I'm into it.
00:56:52.000 She's a hot old lady. 1.00
00:56:52.000 Look at Harry Clinton right there. 1.00
00:56:54.000 Let's hear some terror in the middle. 1.00
00:56:55.000 The jokes are fucking... 1.00
00:56:56.000 Is that Gayle King? 1.00
00:56:59.000 ...who have known and loved me.
00:57:03.000 For many, many years.
00:57:05.000 She's got one glove, Michael Jackson style. 0.61
00:57:07.000 The politicians.
00:57:09.000 They've had me to their homes.
00:57:12.000 They've introduced me to their children.
00:57:17.000 I've become their best friends in many instances.
00:57:21.000 They've asked for my endorsement and they always wanted my money. 0.99
00:57:26.000 And even called me really a dear, dear friend, but then suddenly decided when I ran for president as a Republican that I've always been a no-good, rotten, disgusting scoundrel. 0.98
00:57:43.000 And they totally forgot about me. 0.99
00:57:46.000 But that's okay.
00:57:48.000 You know, they say when you do this kind of an event, you always start out with a self-deprecating joke.
00:57:58.000 Some people think this would be tough for me, but the truth is...
00:58:03.000 Why are they dared again if they're supposed to hate each other?
00:58:10.000 This is before I really sunk in.
00:58:12.000 This is before he won.
00:58:13.000 They were all laughing.
00:58:14.000 They were like, I'm very modest.
00:58:16.000 In fact, many people tell me that modesty is perhaps my best quality.
00:58:24.000 Even better than my temperament.
00:58:28.000 You know, Cardinal Dolan and I have some things in common.
00:58:31.000 For instance, we run impressive properties on Fifth Avenue.
00:58:38.000 Of course, his is much more impressive than mine.
00:58:42.000 That's because I built mine with my own beautifully formed hands.
00:58:50.000 This is terrible.
00:58:51.000 Hold on, he starts killing.
00:58:54.000 Yeah, it's too long.
00:58:55.000 It's like a bad comedy special, like, get to the first joke!
00:58:57.000 He starts crushing.
00:58:58.000 He starts hitting Hillary.
00:58:59.000 If you fast forward to the end, they are turning on him.
00:59:03.000 They turn on him?
00:59:04.000 Yeah, he's getting laughs, and then towards the end, people get, they're like, oh man, I can't support you.
00:59:08.000 Right here, right there.
00:59:15.000 But one of the things I noticed tonight...
00:59:19.000 And I've known Hillary for a long time.
00:59:21.000 This is the first time ever, ever, that Hillary is sitting down and speaking to major corporate leaders and not getting paid for it. 0.91
00:59:34.000 Hey, she liked it.
00:59:35.000 She has some chompers, dude. 1.00
00:59:38.000 You know, last night, I called Hillary.
00:59:46.000 It's funny.
00:59:47.000 You can have to trust me on this.
00:59:48.000 That was like an evening at the improv.
00:59:50.000 That's one of those videos where like, start at this point.
00:59:53.000 Yeah, my bad.
00:59:54.000 You need to find the clips.
00:59:55.000 The highlights.
00:59:56.000 It's a highlight thing.
00:59:58.000 Yikes.
00:59:59.000 Yeah, it's just funny to see them all, like, him and Hillary and everybody.
01:00:02.000 Powing around.
01:00:03.000 That's that shirt I had before.
01:00:03.000 The second he won, they got...
01:00:05.000 Bill Clinton and Epstein.
01:00:07.000 It's like, these guys and Trump, they all were friends.
01:00:10.000 Epstein was CIA, dude.
01:00:12.000 You think so?
01:00:12.000 He was intelligence.
01:00:14.000 Jeffrey Epstein?
01:00:15.000 Without a doubt.
01:00:16.000 United States intelligence?
01:00:17.000 You just mean Jews or intelligence? 0.98
01:00:18.000 He was Mossad or CIA. He was one of them.
01:00:19.000 Or maybe together.
01:00:20.000 I mean, they found, when they went to his house, they found rooms.
01:00:23.000 There's cameras in every room.
01:00:25.000 Who's they, and how do you know this?
01:00:28.000 Uh, that Nick Bryant dude I told you about came on ours.
01:00:31.000 He wrote a- yeah, it's crazy.
01:00:33.000 It's crazy.
01:00:33.000 Did he go there and see the cameras?
01:00:35.000 Uh, I think it's public.
01:00:37.000 In rooms?
01:00:37.000 It's public records.
01:00:39.000 Like, the police.
01:00:41.000 I love when Joe calls you on your fax and you're like, I don't know, I kind of know it.
01:00:43.000 But if that's the case, if that's the case, where are the tapes?
01:00:47.000 Who's got the tapes?
01:00:48.000 They're not coming out.
01:00:50.000 Dude, alright, here's how it's very clear he's intelligent.
01:00:53.000 He got arrested by the Palm Beach Police Department.
01:00:56.000 Mm-hmm.
01:00:57.000 In early 2000s, maybe 90s, whatever.
01:01:00.000 He was charged with like 32 counts.
01:01:03.000 32 different underage girls.
01:01:05.000 Wow.
01:01:06.000 They were like, alright, we're not gonna take it to trial.
01:01:08.000 We're gonna take it to a grand jury or whatever that thing is. 0.99
01:01:10.000 Where it's sealed.
01:01:12.000 Nobody can find out about it.
01:01:13.000 He got charged with one count and he served 13 months.
01:01:18.000 And it was like a work release thing. 1.00
01:01:20.000 Yeah, he was able to leave and fuck kids. 1.00
01:01:23.000 Was he fucking the kids or just providing the others? 1.00
01:01:25.000 I think he was hooking it up. 0.99
01:01:26.000 What's this, Jamie?
01:01:27.000 Drone footage from when they were raiding his island in the Caribbean.
01:01:30.000 Filled with cameras.
01:01:32.000 NYPD and FBI. Why is the NYPD there?
01:01:36.000 Well, because he had a house in New York.
01:01:38.000 I mean, he allegedly did some crimes in New York.
01:01:41.000 Look into it.
01:01:42.000 He had a crazy house in New York that somebody gifted him.
01:01:45.000 The guy who was the CEO of Victoria's Secrets.
01:01:47.000 Is that what it was?
01:01:48.000 Yeah, that dude.
01:01:49.000 I think that was it.
01:01:49.000 He's in on it.
01:01:50.000 There was a lot of guys that had to resign because they donated like $150 million to Epstein.
01:01:56.000 And people were like, why'd you give him that much money?
01:01:58.000 Because he runs a good party.
01:01:59.000 He was a great guy.
01:02:01.000 He had a killer party.
01:02:02.000 Really knew how to do stuff with money.
01:02:06.000 But the police in Florida were like, we were told he was intelligent.
01:02:11.000 Yes, I've heard that.
01:02:12.000 They had a quote because they were like, how is this happening?
01:02:15.000 How is he getting 18 months or whatever?
01:02:18.000 18 year olds. 1.00
01:02:19.000 Yeah, they were probably like, how do I get in that fucking house? 0.99
01:02:24.000 I'm thinking of Victoria's Secret. 0.99
01:02:26.000 You see the Down Syndrome model? 0.99
01:02:29.000 Yeah.
01:02:29.000 Oh, nice.
01:02:30.000 Yeah, pull her up. 0.99
01:02:31.000 Fire her up. 1.00
01:02:31.000 She's hot. 1.00
01:02:33.000 Very hot.
01:02:33.000 Yeah.
01:02:34.000 That's a weird situation.
01:02:35.000 That was another obscene thing.
01:02:37.000 The guy who donated was like, hey, I really love Down's kids.
01:02:39.000 No.
01:02:40.000 Can you provide that for me?
01:02:41.000 Oh, yeah, the Victoria's Secret guy.
01:02:42.000 Yeah.
01:02:44.000 It's my kink.
01:02:45.000 It's funny because she's still hot. 0.99
01:02:47.000 So, like, they're inclusive, but they're still shallow.
01:02:50.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:02:52.000 That's her? 0.97
01:02:53.000 Get the better picture.
01:02:54.000 That's the picture.
01:02:54.000 That's the picture.
01:02:55.000 In the words of David Tell, those titties ain't retarded. 1.00
01:02:59.000 Oh, how dare you. 0.98
01:03:00.000 That's Dave's joke.
01:03:01.000 There was a guy that I knew that was a counselor. 1.00
01:03:07.000 A guy that I knew was a counselor and he worked with mentally challenged people and he said they're always fucking. 0.99
01:03:13.000 Of course. 0.99
01:03:14.000 Because they don't know how they're not supposed to.
01:03:15.000 Inhibitions are gone or whatever.
01:03:17.000 More than I do. 0.98
01:03:17.000 But they just masturbate all the time. 0.98
01:03:19.000 And apparently they're huge dongs. 1.00
01:03:21.000 You know what?
01:03:22.000 You heard that?
01:03:23.000 Oh.
01:03:24.000 We've got multiple conversations going simultaneously.
01:03:27.000 We've got to avoid that.
01:03:28.000 Oh, yeah, yeah.
01:03:28.000 Yeah, where did you hear they got huge dogs?
01:03:31.000 I think it's just common knowledge.
01:03:33.000 Big fat fingers? 0.51
01:03:34.000 Boys have hammers.
01:03:35.000 Yeah, you've heard that.
01:03:36.000 The boys have hammers.
01:03:37.000 I mean, I bet you could pull that up.
01:03:39.000 I guarantee they'll go home again immediately. 0.99
01:03:41.000 I bet some guys would be like, wait, okay, how much downs can I still have a big dick and be functional? 1.00
01:03:46.000 Do you think of some chicks who love fucking downs, boys? 1.00
01:03:49.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:03:49.000 It must be, right? 1.00
01:03:50.000 People tattoo their eyeballs.
01:03:52.000 Well, they're very strong, man.
01:03:53.000 Very strong.
01:03:54.000 They can pick up cars.
01:03:55.000 There's a group of people for everything out there in this world.
01:03:57.000 Oh, yeah.
01:03:57.000 And women love someone you can change.
01:03:59.000 They're just my favorite.
01:04:00.000 You can't change them.
01:04:02.000 My buddy.
01:04:03.000 My buddy.
01:04:03.000 Stems.
01:04:04.000 My buddy Spud had a friend who- Spud?
01:04:06.000 Spud had- he was buddies with a guy with downs, and he said this dude ripped- they were playing basketball outside, and then he ripped the hoop out of the ground. 0.99
01:04:16.000 They were all like, what the fuck? 0.99
01:04:18.000 You see? 1.00
01:04:19.000 I could squeeze that ball if they wanted.
01:04:20.000 He was just like, ah!
01:04:22.000 Oh my god.
01:04:23.000 Isn't that the story of Rudy?
01:04:25.000 Basically.
01:04:26.000 I mean, right?
01:04:26.000 He's like a football player, but he's challenged.
01:04:28.000 Is he challenged?
01:04:29.000 No, no, no.
01:04:30.000 Instagram account?
01:04:31.000 Oh, no.
01:04:32.000 Verified account.
01:04:33.000 Drag syndrome? 0.61
01:04:35.000 Drag syndrome. 0.86
01:04:36.000 Oh, my God.
01:04:36.000 I'm not trashing these dudes.
01:04:37.000 They're having a good time.
01:04:38.000 They're not dudes. 1.00
01:04:39.000 They're girls, you son of a bitch. 1.00
01:04:40.000 No, no, no. 1.00
01:04:41.000 They're drags. 0.96
01:04:42.000 They're drags.
01:04:42.000 Drags are just regular dudes.
01:04:44.000 The first one had Gillis facial hair.
01:04:45.000 Wait a minute, but drags aren't facial hair.
01:04:49.000 That's an attack, dude.
01:04:50.000 Oh, come on. 0.87
01:04:51.000 You keep looking like a Korean warrior.
01:04:53.000 I'm excited about this facial hair, dude.
01:04:55.000 I'm glad you brought it up.
01:04:56.000 Alright.
01:04:57.000 Your mustache?
01:04:58.000 Yeah.
01:04:58.000 What are you doing with that?
01:04:59.000 Is that new?
01:04:59.000 No.
01:05:00.000 People keep telling me to get rid of it.
01:05:02.000 Is that a gag?
01:05:02.000 It looks like a Chinese emperor.
01:05:03.000 Yeah, that's what I'm going for.
01:05:04.000 Is it a gag, rather?
01:05:06.000 I mean, I don't think it looks great.
01:05:07.000 So why you keep it?
01:05:09.000 Well, because I've had enough people around me be like, shave that.
01:05:12.000 I'm like, well, now I'm not.
01:05:13.000 I think it looks cool, bro.
01:05:14.000 You know what I mean?
01:05:15.000 I get it.
01:05:16.000 I'm not getting, like, my girlfriend's like, yeah, you should get rid of it.
01:05:18.000 I'm like, well, now I'm not.
01:05:19.000 Do you understand this?
01:05:20.000 She's got her slapped. 1.00
01:05:21.000 Yeah.
01:05:22.000 Will Smith.
01:05:22.000 Will Smith, dude.
01:05:24.000 I wonder how you would look, like, is it good with the chin hair?
01:05:28.000 Does that balance it out?
01:05:29.000 Don't worry, dude.
01:05:29.000 I'm thinking, like, maybe no chin hair.
01:05:31.000 There's nothing we can do to make this.
01:05:32.000 But I'm thinking, full man chew.
01:05:34.000 No, I'm thinking more offensive would be no chin hair at all, just a mustache.
01:05:38.000 Just a mustache is wild looking on me.
01:05:40.000 Is it?
01:05:41.000 It's funny too.
01:05:41.000 That's all I'm seeing because I don't see your chin because of the mic.
01:05:44.000 It's pretty fuzzy down there.
01:05:45.000 Yeah, it's not good.
01:05:47.000 I know it's not thick. 0.56
01:05:48.000 Burn it off. 0.98
01:05:49.000 Burn it off. 1.00
01:05:50.000 You can burn it off real quick. 0.99
01:05:51.000 Burn it off. 0.90
01:05:52.000 That'll smell.
01:05:52.000 Yeah, just give it a buzz.
01:05:55.000 What's funny is if I shave it, just the mustache, pure John Candy.
01:05:59.000 Really?
01:06:00.000 Yeah.
01:06:00.000 He's funny.
01:06:00.000 And what's funny is the last couple, like, anytime I'm talking to, like, agents or whatever about, like, a thing, they're like, I mean, we think you could, you're like, you could be John Goodman, Farley.
01:06:10.000 God.
01:06:18.000 You could die of an overdose of hamburgers in no time.
01:06:24.000 You're working out a lot now.
01:06:27.000 Not a lot.
01:06:28.000 I'm trying, dude.
01:06:28.000 Well, I'm watching you on Instagram.
01:06:29.000 I'm working on it.
01:06:30.000 I sent you that picture.
01:06:32.000 You look good.
01:06:32.000 You look better, for sure.
01:06:33.000 You absolutely look better.
01:06:34.000 It's coming back a little.
01:06:35.000 Has anybody said, well, you know, you got a kind of specific type for casting.
01:06:39.000 Maybe it would be a good idea to not lose weight.
01:06:41.000 Oh, no, no, no.
01:06:42.000 I'm not losing it.
01:06:43.000 Someone said that to Kevin James.
01:06:45.000 Really? 1.00
01:06:46.000 Yeah, I told him to fuck off. 1.00
01:06:48.000 He's like, you're losing weight, you're losing rolls. 1.00
01:06:50.000 That's what he said.
01:06:51.000 Literally.
01:06:52.000 Yeah, literally said that to him.
01:06:53.000 Yeah, he literally was losing rolls.
01:06:55.000 Sparky...
01:06:55.000 What was his name?
01:06:57.000 Sparky...
01:06:57.000 He was a bouncer in Long Island.
01:06:59.000 Big fat guy from McHale's Navy.
01:07:01.000 Frazier?
01:07:03.000 Sparky something.
01:07:04.000 He was this big fat guy.
01:07:05.000 He got tons of rolls, and then he lost 250 pounds.
01:07:07.000 And then Hollywood's like, yeah, that's it.
01:07:10.000 Wow!
01:07:10.000 What?
01:07:11.000 Yeah, well, if you're a big fat guy in movies and then you lose a ton of weight...
01:07:15.000 Yeah, you're not a leading man.
01:07:16.000 You're not a handsome guy.
01:07:17.000 Yeah, you don't have a name.
01:07:18.000 You're doing bit rules.
01:07:19.000 Interesting.
01:07:19.000 That's true.
01:07:20.000 Yeah.
01:07:21.000 Seinfeld has that rule.
01:07:22.000 If you go up or down 20 pounds, your act is different.
01:07:26.000 I agree with that.
01:07:26.000 People see you differently.
01:07:27.000 Cute girls can do a different act than you can do. 1.00
01:07:30.000 Like, you can get away with certain jokes.
01:07:31.000 Silverman can get away with jokes that you and I can't get away with. 0.74
01:07:33.000 Love a good fat girl. 0.92
01:07:35.000 On stage? 0.63
01:07:36.000 Nice chubby lady? 1.00
01:07:37.000 Yeah.
01:07:37.000 That's comedy.
01:07:38.000 Although chubby ladies have gotten a little fucking uppity lately. 1.00
01:07:41.000 Have they? 1.00
01:07:41.000 Yeah, you know the fat ones out there. 1.00
01:07:43.000 They're all doing Thea Vidal. 1.00
01:07:44.000 They're all just doing an impression like, I don't give a shit! 0.99
01:07:46.000 It's like, you're all just doing Thea Vidal. 0.99
01:07:48.000 Well wait, that's not what I meant.
01:07:49.000 You went black on us. 1.00
01:07:50.000 Yeah, that's not what I meant.
01:07:51.000 What do you mean?
01:07:54.000 No, I mean, like, uh...
01:07:56.000 One more Bud Light, we're gonna review this question.
01:07:58.000 Yeah, we'll go.
01:07:59.000 It's like, no, it's like, uh, being fat is the best.
01:08:02.000 It's like, well, take it easy.
01:08:03.000 Oh, right.
01:08:04.000 You know what's the best?
01:08:04.000 It's when a fat girl, like, whoever, Taylor, not Taylor Swift.
01:08:08.000 No, she's not.
01:08:09.000 Adele. 1.00
01:08:10.000 Adele, or whatever, and they're like, we love you, be whoever you are, and they lose weight, and all these fat chicks are like, fuck you. 1.00
01:08:15.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00
01:08:15.000 I get it. 1.00
01:08:16.000 Look, I get it, dude.
01:08:17.000 I mean, obviously they're wrong, but you're feeling betrayed a little bit.
01:08:20.000 Yeah, because she was one of you.
01:08:21.000 I mean, that must have been how the black people felt with Michael Jackson.
01:08:24.000 When he went white. 0.73
01:08:25.000 Yeah, they're like, wait a second. 0.98
01:08:26.000 But then when he went pedophile, they're like, he's white. 0.96
01:08:29.000 Keep him, keep him. 0.98
01:08:31.000 Keep him.
01:08:31.000 They never believed it.
01:08:33.000 That's right.
01:08:34.000 A lot of people never believed it.
01:08:35.000 Yeah, I like that.
01:08:37.000 What, they don't believe it?
01:08:38.000 I love just being like, nah.
01:08:40.000 Cosby, too.
01:08:41.000 Cosby, too, they're like, uh-uh.
01:08:42.000 No thanks.
01:08:43.000 The only one they did do that was R. Kelly.
01:08:45.000 They're like, oh yeah, he did it.
01:08:46.000 Yeah.
01:08:47.000 Well, there was a tape. 0.65
01:08:47.000 He pissed on those kids. 0.65
01:08:49.000 There was a tape of his new age.
01:08:50.000 But the tape came out, and he was still fine.
01:08:53.000 Well, he said it wasn't me.
01:08:55.000 I think that was Shaggy.
01:08:57.000 It wasn't me.
01:08:58.000 He's currently incarcerated, right?
01:09:00.000 Yeah.
01:09:01.000 Yeah.
01:09:01.000 So I guess it was him.
01:09:03.000 Aren't you glad you're not into that?
01:09:04.000 Yeah.
01:09:05.000 I mean, it's not...
01:09:05.000 Imagine if that was a thing.
01:09:06.000 You wanted to piss on kids. 0.93
01:09:08.000 It's like, you love a lot of things, but what you really love. 1.00
01:09:12.000 I would love to piss on a kid, but not in a sexual way. 0.99
01:09:15.000 I've done it. 1.00
01:09:17.000 I was a bed wetter.
01:09:18.000 I've peed on a lot of kids, but it was unintentional.
01:09:20.000 Sleepovers?
01:09:21.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:09:22.000 I would really get my ass kicked. 1.00
01:09:23.000 That fucked you up. 1.00
01:09:23.000 It did. 1.00
01:09:24.000 Bill's character.
01:09:25.000 Maybe we did a podcast about it.
01:09:27.000 You wet bed?
01:09:29.000 Yeah.
01:09:29.000 Until 16?
01:09:30.000 Something like that.
01:09:30.000 Yeah, 14. Do you think the R. Kelly thing was like what we were talking about before with David Bowie and Mick Jagger?
01:09:35.000 You just get so much pussy. 1.00
01:09:37.000 You lose your fucking mind. 1.00
01:09:38.000 No, I think he's off. 1.00
01:09:39.000 He's just got a problem.
01:09:40.000 He's just a wild dude.
01:09:41.000 Yeah.
01:09:42.000 I mean, I'm not like...
01:09:43.000 He's broken.
01:09:43.000 He got the allowance to do what he wanted, and then he found out, let me try everything.
01:09:49.000 He's like, oh, this is what I want.
01:09:50.000 And he kind of started a sex cult, right? 0.65
01:09:51.000 Yeah, dude, he had them in, like, the walls. 0.92
01:09:53.000 Yeah, dungeons.
01:09:54.000 He was, like, open a closet, there'd be a girl, and they're like...
01:09:58.000 Help me!
01:10:00.000 Nobody tricked him.
01:10:03.000 Their parents would try to get them and be like, you need help.
01:10:06.000 This guy's bad. 1.00
01:10:07.000 And they'd be like, fuck you. 1.00
01:10:08.000 Leave me alone. 1.00
01:10:09.000 I'm 18. Yeah, dude.
01:10:10.000 You saw the thing from Africa? 0.96
01:10:11.000 He had a dungeon, dude.
01:10:12.000 What?
01:10:13.000 Do you saw the thing from his concert?
01:10:14.000 No.
01:10:15.000 Have you had your shots?
01:10:16.000 Do you want to come to America? 0.88
01:10:18.000 Oh, yeah.
01:10:19.000 To live in Rob's house.
01:10:21.000 Wow.
01:10:22.000 Do you have your shots?
01:10:24.000 Do you have your passport?
01:10:25.000 Find that.
01:10:25.000 Find that.
01:10:26.000 Shots.
01:10:27.000 Find that.
01:10:27.000 What shots?
01:10:28.000 First off, he rules.
01:10:30.000 I still say, I maintain to this day that Real Talk is one of the greatest music videos the world has ever known.
01:10:37.000 It was real.
01:10:37.000 Which one was that?
01:10:38.000 Real Talk?
01:10:40.000 Did you get your shots?
01:10:42.000 Did you get your shots?
01:10:49.000 Did you get your shots?
01:10:51.000 Do you have your passport?
01:10:52.000 Would you like to come back?
01:11:04.000 I like how he brings a towel on stage to sweat so much.
01:11:10.000 You can often hand it to someone in the front row and let them wipe off and sweat.
01:11:15.000 He's singing passionately.
01:11:17.000 That's another thing he does is like the soap opera thing he did.
01:11:21.000 You remember that?
01:11:22.000 Oh, yeah.
01:11:22.000 Trapped in the Closet.
01:11:23.000 Yeah, Trapped in the Closet.
01:11:25.000 That's not real talk?
01:11:26.000 No, Trapped in the Closet was like multiple, multiple songs.
01:11:29.000 There was a midget under the sink. 1.00
01:11:31.000 That's what happened.
01:11:32.000 It was basically an opera. 0.99
01:11:33.000 Oh my god, a midget! 1.00
01:11:35.000 No! 1.00
01:11:36.000 Pull it up! 0.91
01:11:38.000 It's funny, he's like, before you do Trap in the Closet, I need to see Real Talk.
01:11:43.000 It's him talking to a girl, and she's accusing him of cheating, and he's getting his hair done, and he's smoking cigars, and he's like, what?
01:11:51.000 What did I do?
01:11:53.000 He sings in conversation, like that.
01:11:56.000 He's like, do you have your passport?
01:11:57.000 Do you want to come to a marriage?
01:11:58.000 There's no rhyming or anything. 1.00
01:12:06.000 I think this guy just got crack blown in his ass. 1.00
01:12:16.000 2007. Wow, dude. 1.00
01:12:21.000 Didn't South Park do this?
01:12:22.000 Or they did the closet?
01:12:24.000 They did the closet.
01:12:24.000 We're gonna be real, man.
01:12:25.000 I'm just gonna be real.
01:12:26.000 We're just gonna roll to them and we're gonna do it.
01:12:28.000 I'm doing this for the fans that I know around the globe that love real talk.
01:12:34.000 Girl, I wasn't...
01:12:35.000 Wait a minute, calm down.
01:12:41.000 I was at a club with who?
01:12:44.000 Get the...
01:12:45.000 Friends don't care. 0.77
01:12:47.000 You know what?
01:12:49.000 Girl, I'm not about to sit up here and argue with you about who's to blame.
01:12:53.000 Or call no names.
01:12:54.000 Real talk.
01:12:55.000 See, girl.
01:12:57.000 Only thing I'm trying to establish with you is not who's right or who's wrong.
01:13:01.000 What's right and what's wrong?
01:13:04.000 Real talk.
01:13:04.000 This is the best part, right here.
01:13:09.000 Sitting in VIP, smoking and drinking and kicking it.
01:13:13.000 Tell me, girl, did she say there were other guys there?
01:13:30.000 That's so flimsy.
01:13:32.000 It's so good.
01:13:33.000 It's so good.
01:13:36.000 It's just funny because everybody knows he's lying.
01:13:38.000 He obviously was with the other girl.
01:13:41.000 Of course.
01:13:44.000 Oh man.
01:13:54.000 Hold up.
01:13:55.000 It's not real talk at all.
01:13:59.000 You ever see a video of that guy sing to the judge, his apology?
01:14:06.000 No.
01:14:06.000 Jamie, see if you can find it.
01:14:08.000 Dude.
01:14:08.000 Hold on.
01:14:09.000 Oh yeah. 0.98
01:14:09.000 Oh my god, a midget. 0.98
01:14:11.000 Oh yeah, I gotta see this. 1.00
01:14:13.000 Oh, it's fucking... 0.99
01:14:14.000 Peter Dinklage? 1.00
01:14:15.000 No, it's...
01:14:17.000 Oh, with the wire guy.
01:14:20.000 Anthony...
01:14:21.000 Michael K. Williams.
01:14:21.000 Michael K. Williams.
01:14:23.000 Michael, he was in this?
01:14:25.000 Yeah.
01:14:26.000 She looked at the cabinet.
01:14:36.000 He walked to the cabinet.
01:14:39.000 He walked to the cabinet.
01:14:46.000 We're good to go.
01:14:57.000 There's a crew and camera men and lighting guys here. 0.99
01:15:00.000 Imagine the guys who have to record this like, what the fuck is going on? 0.98
01:15:05.000 They didn't show the midget coming out? 1.00
01:15:06.000 Yeah, no midget. 1.00
01:15:08.000 The midget comes in the next episode. 0.97
01:15:10.000 Oh, right.
01:15:11.000 It was an ongoing.
01:15:12.000 It's a cliffhanger.
01:15:12.000 Dude, was he trying to be funny?
01:15:14.000 No!
01:15:15.000 That's the beauty.
01:15:16.000 It's totally sincere.
01:15:17.000 It's madness.
01:15:18.000 It's almost like there was no editing at all.
01:15:20.000 Like, whatever he wrote, he started singing.
01:15:23.000 Yes.
01:15:25.000 Is that Bushwick Bill?
01:15:26.000 Yeah, L probably is.
01:15:30.000 He kicked him in the shin!
01:15:37.000 I've never seen this!
01:15:42.000 Her name is Bridget? 1.00
01:15:44.000 Yeah, Bridget the Midget! 1.00
01:15:46.000 Why is he in a suit?
01:15:48.000 He's under the sink, he's in a suit.
01:15:52.000 She's getting a gun? 1.00
01:15:54.000 I put it on the table! 0.99
01:15:56.000 What the hell you're doing in my house?
01:15:57.000 He wipes cherry pie crust off his mouth and says, man, I was paid not to tell you. 0.78
01:16:02.000 Then the police pulls his gun out. 1.00
01:16:03.000 What the fuck is going on? 1.00
01:16:05.000 Man, I've got the right to shoot you. 1.00
01:16:07.000 Midget says, mister, the man that paid me to do this would kill me if I tear. 1.00
01:16:11.000 He points the gun in his face. 1.00
01:16:13.000 The midget says, God, I think I just shit it on my face. 1.00
01:16:17.000 What the fuck? 1.00
01:16:19.000 This is gold! 1.00
01:16:21.000 This is gold!
01:16:22.000 So crazy!
01:16:23.000 This guy got the booster!
01:16:41.000 He does white voice!
01:16:42.000 He does white voice!
01:16:45.000 My name is Brady! 1.00
01:16:58.000 Holy fuck! 1.00
01:17:00.000 This is so insanely good. 1.00
01:17:02.000 We should have a view...
01:17:03.000 Oh, she's got a double barrel. 1.00
01:17:04.000 Look at that. 1.00
01:17:04.000 Oh my god, Bridget's not fucking around. 1.00
01:17:06.000 27 chapters or something, right? 1.00
01:17:08.000 Holy shit. 0.97
01:17:09.000 This doesn't have enough views. 0.99
01:17:13.000 162,000?
01:17:14.000 That's nothing.
01:17:15.000 Oh, this is new.
01:17:17.000 It probably gets uploaded and they take it down.
01:17:20.000 YouTube thinks it's problematic.
01:17:21.000 Is it his feed or someone else?
01:17:23.000 No, no.
01:17:24.000 It's awesome that we just assumed that Black Midget was Bushwick. 1.00
01:17:27.000 I don't know if it's not.
01:17:29.000 Bushwick only has one eye.
01:17:31.000 Oh really?
01:17:31.000 True.
01:17:32.000 It's on the cover of We Can't Be Stopped.
01:17:35.000 The other I? Bro, I'm a Ghetto Boys fan.
01:17:37.000 Holy shit. 1.00
01:17:37.000 In the old days. 1.00
01:17:38.000 33 chapters.
01:17:40.000 Wow.
01:17:40.000 Seven year saga.
01:17:41.000 We should have a viewing party.
01:17:44.000 That'd be the best.
01:17:45.000 Come on.
01:17:45.000 Shrooms?
01:17:46.000 Real talk.
01:17:47.000 I couldn't do shrooms.
01:17:48.000 Why do you got a big screen?
01:17:49.000 It's right in front of us.
01:17:49.000 If we did shrooms to watch that, I'd be sad.
01:17:53.000 Yeah, that's tough. 0.99
01:17:54.000 That would fuck me up. 0.93
01:17:55.000 Alright, I just like doing shrooms. 0.99
01:17:56.000 You'd never want to see a midget on shrooms. 1.00
01:17:59.000 No. 0.99
01:17:59.000 It fucking ruins the vibe. 0.99
01:18:01.000 Sorry, Brad. 0.97
01:18:02.000 Hey.
01:18:02.000 What?
01:18:03.000 You don't say stuff like that.
01:18:04.000 No, alright.
01:18:06.000 I apologize.
01:18:06.000 Definitely see midgets when you're on mushrooms.
01:18:08.000 You can't even see midget anymore. 1.00
01:18:09.000 Yeah, midget's bad, dude. 1.00
01:18:10.000 They take that word away.
01:18:11.000 We're quoting Robert, but...
01:18:12.000 Robert.
01:18:18.000 I think I shitted myself.
01:18:20.000 Hey, Rob, if you're listening, I want to go to your house, and I do have my passport and my shots. 0.66
01:18:23.000 He's in jail.
01:18:24.000 I'll go to your house.
01:18:26.000 I mean, the guy's an artist. 1.00
01:18:27.000 My favorite line in that song is he goes, Bitch, I wish you would burn my motherfucking clothes. 1.00
01:18:34.000 Real talk. 1.00
01:18:35.000 Because you can tell she just said, I'm going to burn your clothes. 1.00
01:18:39.000 Bitch, I wish you would burn my motherfucking clothes. 1.00
01:18:42.000 This is just real conversations he's had with some chicks. 1.00
01:18:44.000 It's so funny to get caught cheating and think you have a good point.
01:18:48.000 Were there other guys there?
01:18:49.000 Were there other guys?
01:18:50.000 Right.
01:18:50.000 And then he sits back.
01:18:51.000 Tell me this.
01:18:52.000 Gotcha. 1.00
01:18:53.000 How the fuck she know I was with them other girls, man? 0.99
01:18:57.000 It's amazing. 1.00
01:18:57.000 I might start sing-fighting with my girlfriend. 1.00
01:19:00.000 She's like, stop playing Xbox. 1.00
01:19:03.000 I'm like, bitch! 1.00
01:19:05.000 I like playing Xbox! 1.00
01:19:06.000 What's amazing is how many years he got away with doing what he was doing.
01:19:10.000 Because all this real talk was after the videotape got released.
01:19:13.000 The Chappelle sketch was 2003-ish.
01:19:15.000 That's right. 0.96
01:19:16.000 That's when it was a known thing that he liked to piss on young chicks. 1.00
01:19:19.000 And this was 2007. It was funny. 0.92
01:19:22.000 Never got edited out of the movie.
01:19:23.000 It was funny.
01:19:24.000 Edit what out of a movie? 0.80
01:19:26.000 He never got edited out of any movies because of pissing on underage chicks. 0.71
01:19:29.000 He was the Space Jam singer.
01:19:32.000 Yeah, that was a huge song. 0.97
01:19:34.000 He's crazy and now he's in jail. 0.58
01:19:36.000 I think they're posting videos of him in jail singing. 0.98
01:19:39.000 All the other dudes are like, hell yeah, this is awesome.
01:19:42.000 Yeah, I mean Cosby was doing sets in jail.
01:19:44.000 He's not set yet.
01:19:46.000 He's appealing and asking to be sent to Juve Hall.
01:19:50.000 What's going on, Jimmy?
01:19:51.000 They tried to delay the sentencing just yesterday, and that got denied.
01:19:54.000 So it's May 4th, and he faces 10 to life.
01:19:57.000 We should go.
01:19:57.000 Wait, wait.
01:19:58.000 What's he in trouble for? 1.00
01:19:59.000 Tricking bitches? 1.00
01:20:00.000 Pretty much. 1.00
01:20:01.000 No, he's in trouble. 1.00
01:20:02.000 There's underage shit. 1.00
01:20:04.000 There's a lot of shit. 1.00
01:20:04.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00
01:20:05.000 There's many things.
01:20:06.000 It's like imprisonment.
01:20:07.000 I hope he sings defense. 1.00
01:20:10.000 Sex and corn. 1.00
01:20:11.000 I'd like to represent myself. 0.96
01:20:12.000 Can I say one more thing?
01:20:14.000 What are the charges?
01:20:16.000 Sex trafficking convictions.
01:20:17.000 Excuse me, convictions.
01:20:18.000 Sex trafficking.
01:20:20.000 Yeah. 0.97
01:20:20.000 Ah, dang it. 0.97
01:20:21.000 What's sex trafficking? 1.00
01:20:22.000 Damn, that's a tough one. 0.99
01:20:23.000 How is sex trafficking? 1.00
01:20:24.000 Oh, he was getting girls.
01:20:26.000 Illegally.
01:20:27.000 I mean, he would just, maybe they must be minors, but I think he was getting girls from, like, Ohio or wherever and bringing them state lines. 0.68
01:20:34.000 Prohibits the transport of any woman or girl across state lines for any immoral purpose.
01:20:38.000 Oh, no, we're all in trouble.
01:20:39.000 Oh, yeah.
01:20:40.000 Ah.
01:20:40.000 Right?
01:20:41.000 What's immoral?
01:20:42.000 Right? 0.88
01:20:42.000 Because sodomy is, like, isn't, like, oral sex is illegal in some states. 0.88
01:20:48.000 That's true. 0.99
01:20:48.000 So if a girl comes across a state line to visit you and blow you... 0.99
01:20:52.000 That's why I always try to tell girls. 0.99
01:20:54.000 Federal charges of child pornography and obstruction of justice.
01:20:58.000 Oh, that's separate.
01:20:59.000 I'm actually with the people that deny this, dude.
01:21:02.000 Free kills.
01:21:05.000 He's innocent, dude.
01:21:06.000 Look at him.
01:21:08.000 Find the video of him singing in jail.
01:21:10.000 Go to Reddit for that.
01:21:12.000 Wait, what?
01:21:12.000 Yeah, he's in jail singing for the fellas.
01:21:14.000 Oh, I thought that was a joke.
01:21:15.000 No, I've seen a video of him singing in jail. 0.99
01:21:18.000 And it's fucking good. 0.99
01:21:19.000 Prison's gonna stop R. Kelly from singing? 0.99
01:21:21.000 True.
01:21:22.000 Come on.
01:21:24.000 Oh, he's having a good time.
01:21:33.000 He's so good. 0.99
01:21:42.000 He's basically saying, don't rape me, guys. 0.97
01:21:44.000 I'll sing for you. 0.99
01:21:46.000 Please leave me alone.
01:21:48.000 Is there more?
01:21:48.000 My body is telling me yes.
01:21:50.000 He's talking about gay sex in jail. 0.99
01:21:52.000 There is a video going around I sent to Segura last night because it's like his style. 0.99
01:21:56.000 That's going to get the boys fired up. 1.00
01:21:58.000 Have I heard that song in there?
01:21:59.000 Yeah, it gives you hope. 1.00
01:22:00.000 I'd like to have sex with that guy. 1.00
01:22:02.000 You finish that song and go, now go out there and go rape! 1.00
01:22:07.000 Go get those white guys in here on DUI. My body is telling me yes. 1.00
01:22:13.000 My mind is telling me no, my body is telling me yes.
01:22:16.000 That was one of his big hits.
01:22:17.000 Yeah, it was.
01:22:19.000 See if there's any other videos of him in jail.
01:22:22.000 Who's got a YouTube?
01:22:25.000 R. Kelly singing in jail.
01:22:28.000 Caught singing to a girl on TikTok from jail.
01:22:32.000 Wow.
01:22:33.000 Try that.
01:22:34.000 It's an hour and 15 minute video.
01:22:36.000 We'll just scoop you down. 0.95
01:22:37.000 Yeah, play the whole thing. 0.99
01:22:39.000 Don't you think I got enough bullshit on my mind? 1.00
01:22:43.000 Real talk. 0.99
01:22:44.000 I have to ask you something.
01:22:45.000 Can you sing a song for me?
01:22:47.000 Which one?
01:22:48.000 Love Letter.
01:22:53.000 Did you get my call?
01:22:56.000 Did you get my call?
01:22:59.000 The voice of an angel.
01:23:05.000 When your dad goes to the same prison as R. Kelly.
01:23:09.000 Thank you.
01:23:12.000 That's adorable.
01:23:13.000 When your dad goes to the same prison as R. Kelly, that is wild.
01:23:17.000 Man.
01:23:18.000 That is wild.
01:23:19.000 Kelly hired Bill Cosby's legal counsel?
01:23:21.000 They did pretty good.
01:23:22.000 That's what it said.
01:23:23.000 Yeah, he's out.
01:23:24.000 Yeah, they did a real good job.
01:23:25.000 No one's talking about the fact that he's out, right?
01:23:27.000 He's out.
01:23:27.000 I think he's done shows.
01:23:28.000 Is he out out?
01:23:29.000 No.
01:23:29.000 Is he done?
01:23:30.000 I think he's out.
01:23:31.000 Now what happened?
01:23:32.000 How did he get out?
01:23:32.000 I think they said the stuff he admitted to was...
01:23:37.000 They promised him they wouldn't prosecute him if he confessed.
01:23:39.000 It was something like that.
01:23:40.000 And they used what he said in that moment.
01:23:42.000 And they're like, you can't.
01:23:43.000 And they just did it because they didn't want riots in the streets.
01:23:46.000 Supreme Court will not review the decision to overturn Bill Cosby's conviction.
01:23:50.000 Prosecutors had appealed a ruling by the Pennsylvania Supreme Court which had overturned the conviction on due process grounds.
01:23:57.000 So he's out.
01:23:58.000 Wow. 1.00
01:23:59.000 Damn, that's a shame. 1.00
01:24:00.000 Wow. 1.00
01:24:01.000 Look at that shirt.
01:24:01.000 That's wild.
01:24:02.000 Central 256?
01:24:02.000 What is that?
01:24:03.000 Filled up an area code?
01:24:05.000 It's like a high school.
01:24:05.000 So he's out-out.
01:24:07.000 Wow.
01:24:08.000 What is he doing?
01:24:08.000 What is Bill Cosby doing today?
01:24:10.000 Is that his wife?
01:24:10.000 Go to his YouTube page.
01:24:12.000 I think that's like his legal team.
01:24:15.000 Oh. 1.00
01:24:16.000 Damn, that lady's... 1.00
01:24:17.000 Wow. 1.00
01:24:18.000 She's bullsy for repping him. 1.00
01:24:20.000 That's wild.
01:24:21.000 He's out-out.
01:24:22.000 It's a weird world. 0.99
01:24:23.000 If he got let off in the beginning, it would have been fucking murder in the streets. 0.99
01:24:28.000 Yeah, but now it's... 0.99
01:24:29.000 What do you mean? 0.99
01:24:30.000 Everyone lost their fucking... 1.00
01:24:31.000 Oh, look at this. 1.00
01:24:31.000 He does have a YouTube channel. 1.00
01:24:33.000 And it's all Cosby Show shit from four years ago. 0.96
01:24:34.000 Oh, he got the rights back. 0.99
01:24:35.000 Well, the show was good.
01:24:36.000 Did he get the rights back to the Cosby Show?
01:24:39.000 How could he put it up?
01:24:40.000 NBC would take all this down.
01:24:41.000 But it's like one minute, 51 seconds, two minutes, 40 seconds.
01:24:44.000 You think NBC would go, no, you don't have the rights to this.
01:24:46.000 Wait, why does it say Comedy Central?
01:24:48.000 He did a special with them.
01:24:49.000 He's only got 16,000 subscribers.
01:24:51.000 He did. 1.00
01:24:52.000 That's fucking nuts. 1.00
01:24:54.000 Guys, look at that. 1.00
01:24:54.000 Bill Cosby has 16,000 subscribers on YouTube. 1.00
01:24:57.000 May or may not be his official channel.
01:24:59.000 Let's make it his official channel.
01:24:59.000 Yeah, probably not.
01:25:00.000 Why are you pissing on my parade, bro?
01:25:02.000 Hey, R. Kelly.
01:25:03.000 He does have a Twitter account.
01:25:04.000 That's one of his songs.
01:25:05.000 His account does exist.
01:25:07.000 Dang it.
01:25:07.000 But he had an account for a long time.
01:25:09.000 Do you think Twitter banned his account?
01:25:10.000 Probably not.
01:25:11.000 The R. Kelly thing, the day he got convicted, his YouTube account got deleted.
01:25:16.000 Wow. 0.99
01:25:16.000 Damn. 0.99
01:25:17.000 He works for Sleepy's now. 0.98
01:25:18.000 That's why all these videos aren't there anymore.
01:25:20.000 So June of 2021 is when he got out.
01:25:23.000 He got it.
01:25:24.000 Yeah.
01:25:25.000 He works for Sleepy's now. 1.00
01:25:27.000 You son of a bitch. 1.00
01:25:27.000 All right. 1.00
01:25:28.000 Son of a bitch. 1.00
01:25:30.000 Son of a B. Ari, what the hell, dude? 1.00
01:25:35.000 You gotta pee? 1.00
01:25:35.000 I gotta piss, yeah. 1.00
01:25:36.000 Alright, go ahead. 1.00
01:25:37.000 I have a penis. 1.00
01:25:39.000 Alright, lock that door behind him. 1.00
01:25:41.000 Yeah, get him out of here.
01:25:42.000 Real talk. 0.99
01:25:43.000 Don't you think I got enough bullshit on my mind? 0.99
01:25:45.000 Yeah, it's nice. 0.99
01:25:46.000 It's nice to sing Fight a Girl. 0.97
01:25:48.000 Do you think Weinstein ever gets out?
01:25:50.000 He might die in there.
01:25:52.000 Weinstein's gonna be in there forever, right? 0.75
01:25:53.000 Yeah, he looks bad. 0.85
01:25:54.000 He looks like a pug, dude.
01:25:55.000 Real bad.
01:25:56.000 He can't walk anymore.
01:25:57.000 Yeah.
01:25:58.000 It's bad. 1.00
01:25:58.000 He's fucked up. 1.00
01:26:00.000 Yeah, and he got COVID twice in jail. 1.00
01:26:03.000 Damn! 0.99
01:26:04.000 And he got COVID in jail, they just put a fan in your room. 1.00
01:26:07.000 That's a different kind of COVID. Jail COVID. He's probably got it nice.
01:26:11.000 He's probably hooked up.
01:26:13.000 You think so?
01:26:13.000 I would imagine.
01:26:14.000 I don't think he has any money left.
01:26:15.000 I think they've basically taken all of his money.
01:26:18.000 He had some good movies. 1.00
01:26:20.000 Fuck, dude. 1.00
01:26:20.000 Yeah, he had every movie. 1.00
01:26:21.000 Here he is.
01:26:22.000 Disgraced producer Harvey Weinstein caught smuggling milk duds in jail.
01:26:26.000 Oh my god.
01:26:27.000 Wow.
01:26:29.000 What a life.
01:26:30.000 Look, I think obviously what he did was horrific.
01:26:33.000 Let the dude have some milk duds. 1.00
01:26:35.000 He's dying, dude.
01:26:36.000 Give him some duds. 0.98
01:26:37.000 You don't get a dud. 0.80
01:26:38.000 No dud.
01:26:39.000 No more duds.
01:26:40.000 It's over, Harv. 1.00
01:26:41.000 You fucked up. 1.00
01:26:42.000 And they took it from him. 1.00
01:26:43.000 They're like, no more duds, dude.
01:26:44.000 We told you. 1.00
01:26:44.000 You fucked up. 1.00
01:26:46.000 That might tack on six months to a sentence. 1.00
01:26:49.000 No.
01:26:50.000 There was an innocent misunderstanding, Weinstein said.
01:26:53.000 It will not happen again.
01:26:54.000 He said that a couple times.
01:26:55.000 I've been a model inmate, following the rules and regulations, and I'm sincerely sorry.
01:26:59.000 Wow.
01:26:59.000 Bro, that guy must...
01:27:00.000 How long is he supposed to be in jail for?
01:27:02.000 Definitely forever.
01:27:03.000 Ever.
01:27:04.000 I wonder.
01:27:05.000 You know that joke?
01:27:06.000 You know you're in for a long time when you leave off the four.
01:27:10.000 Oh, Bernie Mac?
01:27:11.000 Yeah.
01:27:11.000 Leave off the four?
01:27:12.000 Oh.
01:27:13.000 Yeah, he goes, he's like, how long you in here for?
01:27:14.000 He's like, ever.
01:27:17.000 Was that from Life, the movie?
01:27:18.000 That was from...
01:27:18.000 That was from...
01:27:20.000 I'm Not Scared of You Motherfuckers. 1.00
01:27:21.000 Oh, is it? 1.00
01:27:22.000 Yeah.
01:27:22.000 Oh, wow.
01:27:23.000 That's at the end. 1.00
01:27:24.000 He's like, oh, you're in here for another motherfucker? 1.00
01:27:25.000 Yeah, yeah. 1.00
01:27:26.000 So how many years has he been in jail for now?
01:27:29.000 Harvey Weinstein?
01:27:30.000 Yeah, two or three, right?
01:27:30.000 Oh, he was out for a long time.
01:27:32.000 We had a waitress at the stand who used to work at Rockwood Music Hall when we did shows there.
01:27:37.000 Yeah.
01:27:37.000 And she said, he just came in.
01:27:39.000 What?
01:27:39.000 And they were like, you gotta serve him.
01:27:40.000 And all the waitress was like, we don't want to.
01:27:42.000 And they were like, his money's green just like everybody.
01:27:44.000 You gotta serve him.
01:27:44.000 And they were like, this is kind of, but we don't want to.
01:27:47.000 Wow.
01:27:47.000 Weird.
01:27:48.000 Yeah, remember that comic you got him?
01:27:51.000 Yeah, she was like, why are we all just pretending like Harvey Weinstein's not here?
01:27:55.000 Yeah, that was pretty funny.
01:27:56.000 That was really funny. 1.00
01:27:58.000 I would have been a pussy. 1.00
01:28:00.000 She was at a comedy show. 1.00
01:28:01.000 It's really cool, Harvey Weinstein's here.
01:28:03.000 No, I would have said something knowing the camera was on me. 1.00
01:28:05.000 Like, oh, this guy sucks. 0.98
01:28:06.000 Well, do you think he thought that he was going to win the court case? 1.00
01:28:09.000 Why didn't he need to, like, flee to Antigua or something?
01:28:11.000 Right?
01:28:12.000 I think he thought he was going to win.
01:28:13.000 I think he was too big, his ego.
01:28:14.000 He's like, I got this.
01:28:16.000 Do you think his lawyers told him?
01:28:17.000 Yeah.
01:28:18.000 Because he was huge.
01:28:20.000 Where do you go if you were that guy and you wanted to bail?
01:28:24.000 But he's French.
01:28:25.000 The thing is, Polanski can live in France.
01:28:27.000 They allow him.
01:28:27.000 You know where to go?
01:28:29.000 Israel.
01:28:29.000 That's the move?
01:28:30.000 They'll take any Jew right of return. 0.99
01:28:33.000 What if I'm not a Jew?
01:28:34.000 Sorry, dude.
01:28:35.000 Oh, they'd take you in.
01:28:36.000 Take me in?
01:28:37.000 I'll take it with me.
01:28:38.000 Yeah?
01:28:39.000 You can take me in?
01:28:39.000 Yeah.
01:28:40.000 Can I be an honorary Jew?
01:28:42.000 Do you remember?
01:28:43.000 Circumcised? 0.60
01:28:43.000 Because you're money now. 0.60
01:28:45.000 Circumcised?
01:28:46.000 Yes.
01:28:47.000 That's what I heard.
01:28:48.000 What?
01:28:48.000 Yeah, yeah.
01:28:49.000 Do you think that if something happened to you, you would flee to Israel?
01:28:56.000 I'd be somewhere.
01:28:57.000 I'd reinvent myself.
01:28:58.000 I would just go like...
01:28:59.000 I'd reinvent myself.
01:29:01.000 Shave my head, go different.
01:29:02.000 Shave your head.
01:29:03.000 Oh, nobody would recognize you there. 1.00
01:29:05.000 Yeah, you fucking stork. 1.00
01:29:07.000 Go to some like nothing village somewhere. 1.00
01:29:09.000 It wouldn't be Israel. 0.99
01:29:10.000 It'd be like, I'll just live. 0.84
01:29:11.000 They'll throw you right under the bus. 0.85
01:29:12.000 The people with cellphones in the village will be like, look at this.
01:29:14.000 Ari Shavir.
01:29:16.000 Ari Shavir.
01:29:18.000 We're gonna do Well, you lived in China for a hot minute, didn't you? 0.99
01:29:21.000 Yeah, I lived all over.
01:29:22.000 It's like, yeah, you just go live in a place where they don't know anything about America.
01:29:25.000 Yeah, I think it's tough to get out, though.
01:29:27.000 Getting out would be tough.
01:29:28.000 Getting out of the country's tough.
01:29:29.000 Tell a story about when you were in China and some guy chased you out of his house with a baseball bat because you were having relations with his daughter.
01:29:36.000 Whoa! 0.71
01:29:37.000 Kells! 0.88
01:29:38.000 Oh my god, it's China! 0.99
01:29:40.000 It's a Chinese man with a baseball bat! 0.99
01:29:44.000 And he's swinging it at my hand!
01:29:47.000 He came in like waving to me. 0.85
01:29:48.000 He was like, trying to kill me.
01:29:50.000 The Chinese love baseball, too.
01:29:52.000 I ran out of there.
01:29:53.000 I was so frightening.
01:29:54.000 I haven't thought of that in a while.
01:29:55.000 What happened?
01:29:55.000 Tell me what happened.
01:29:56.000 I was hooking up with some chick in some show outside.
01:29:58.000 Any language barrier?
01:30:00.000 Asian?
01:30:00.000 A major language barrier.
01:30:01.000 Did she speak English at all?
01:30:02.000 Language of love.
01:30:04.000 Well, Jewish men love to eat Chinese. 0.67
01:30:07.000 It wasn't Christmas.
01:30:09.000 So was she saying anything in English to you, or was it just implied?
01:30:12.000 Did you get her age and have to be like Google Translate? 0.59
01:30:16.000 We did go through Google Translate a little bit.
01:30:18.000 That works.
01:30:18.000 Yeah, to make up the barrier.
01:30:20.000 She spoke a little bit, and then we were there hooking up, and just the door was open.
01:30:23.000 How old was she? 0.89
01:30:24.000 12 or 13 at least.
01:30:26.000 So she came to your show?
01:30:27.000 Yeah, it was at a bar and she spoke some English.
01:30:31.000 Was she laughing at your act?
01:30:33.000 I don't know.
01:30:34.000 It was just afterwards, you know?
01:30:35.000 We were talking to the bar afterwards.
01:30:36.000 Wow.
01:30:37.000 That's how you know when it comes to just a lady, she didn't even know if your jokes were funny. 1.00
01:30:42.000 She just saw you with a light on you and a microphone, and she was like, wow, cool, perfect.
01:30:46.000 I assume it was doing well.
01:30:47.000 Yeah.
01:30:47.000 I think it was the show that was right over the border from Hong Kong, but I don't remember exactly which one it was.
01:30:52.000 I assume you were bombing.
01:30:55.000 That's nasty, dude.
01:30:56.000 So how did it go?
01:30:57.000 What happened? 1.00
01:30:58.000 You started screaming and holding a fucking baseball bat. 1.00
01:31:00.000 Don't lie. 1.00
01:31:01.000 Alright, good.
01:31:01.000 So you go back to the house.
01:31:02.000 I was frightened of my ass. 0.99
01:31:03.000 Give me the whole story. 0.99
01:31:04.000 We're going to the house.
01:31:05.000 She's like, shh.
01:31:06.000 I'm like, shh.
01:31:06.000 That's not my first rodeo.
01:31:07.000 It's like, of course.
01:31:09.000 You go in there.
01:31:09.000 We start making out.
01:31:10.000 And the door just...
01:31:11.000 I mean, we're taking our clothes off. 0.85
01:31:13.000 You know, sex. 0.95
01:31:15.000 Chopsticks? 0.98
01:31:16.000 And then the door just busts open.
01:31:19.000 I hadn't penetrated yet. 1.00
01:31:21.000 Did you get your dick out? 1.00
01:31:22.000 But they were screaming, dude. 1.00
01:31:23.000 How loud was it? 1.00
01:31:24.000 Yeah, I had my dick out. 1.00
01:31:24.000 Chinese dude with a bat? 1.00
01:31:25.000 That must have been the loudest fucking thing on earth. 1.00
01:31:27.000 It was frightening. 0.99
01:31:28.000 It looked like Empire of the Sun.
01:31:31.000 Did you ever put your pants back on?
01:31:32.000 Yeah.
01:31:33.000 So I had to navigate this guy being angry and holding a weapon, and I'm trying to close up.
01:31:37.000 Whoa.
01:31:37.000 Yeah.
01:31:38.000 Matsui.
01:31:39.000 And get around the door.
01:31:40.000 Unlike Louis, this guy did block the door.
01:31:43.000 So how'd you get out?
01:31:44.000 He kind of like, he wanted me out of there.
01:31:46.000 So he just kind of like, yeah.
01:31:48.000 And then as I was running out, I could hear him screaming at the daughter. 0.99
01:31:51.000 Damn. 1.00
01:31:53.000 You're like Mothra over there. 1.00
01:31:54.000 You're probably towering over them.
01:31:56.000 Did you have any more shows in that city?
01:31:57.000 No.
01:31:58.000 That was it.
01:31:59.000 We went home the next day. 1.00
01:32:00.000 Damn. 1.00
01:32:01.000 Were you walking through the airport nervous? 1.00
01:32:03.000 No.
01:32:03.000 No, because it was back over the border into Hong Kong.
01:32:06.000 Oh, okay.
01:32:06.000 That was staying.
01:32:07.000 Was she yelling at the dad like, no, no, no!
01:32:09.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:32:10.000 She was like screaming at him.
01:32:11.000 I'm like, this is not my situation.
01:32:13.000 My boner did not remain.
01:32:14.000 How old was the dad?
01:32:16.000 Might have been a boyfriend or a husband.
01:32:17.000 He was old, like my age.
01:32:18.000 Oh, okay.
01:32:20.000 There we go, Ari! 0.98
01:32:21.000 There you go.
01:32:22.000 Hey, hey.
01:32:22.000 Hey, you got some juice left?
01:32:24.000 Yeah, that suit's bringing you back. 0.99
01:32:26.000 God, what a weird fucking time. 0.99
01:32:28.000 God, it was fucking weird. 1.00
01:32:29.000 But how fun is that shit? 1.00
01:32:30.000 You did the China run? 1.00
01:32:31.000 Yeah. 0.99
01:32:32.000 What a great fucking cool run. 0.99
01:32:33.000 It was fun. 0.99
01:32:34.000 I saw the wall.
01:32:35.000 Beijing was awesome.
01:32:36.000 How many shows you did?
01:32:37.000 We did a show a night for two weeks.
01:32:39.000 Wow.
01:32:40.000 Yeah, 17 days for me.
01:32:41.000 Shanghai.
01:32:42.000 Did you do the zip card down the wall?
01:32:45.000 Yes, I did.
01:32:46.000 It's so cool.
01:32:47.000 There's a sign in there going, this is not regulated.
01:32:49.000 Use your own risk. 0.99
01:32:50.000 And you just have to fucking go or stop. 0.99
01:32:52.000 It's janky. 0.99
01:32:53.000 It's janky.
01:32:54.000 It's so fun.
01:32:55.000 But it was fun.
01:32:56.000 Who'd you go with?
01:32:57.000 How many comics?
01:32:58.000 It was just me.
01:32:59.000 Just you?
01:32:59.000 Yeah.
01:33:00.000 And the opening act?
01:33:01.000 Did you have an opening act?
01:33:01.000 No, it was like showcases.
01:33:03.000 Did you go to Turner?
01:33:04.000 Turner and Andy Curtain?
01:33:06.000 Andy was there.
01:33:07.000 He put the whole thing on.
01:33:08.000 He's head of Live Nation Asia now.
01:33:10.000 Is that right?
01:33:10.000 Good for him.
01:33:11.000 So how does it work?
01:33:12.000 You say showcases.
01:33:13.000 There's a club in Shanghai.
01:33:15.000 So you just do the club every night.
01:33:16.000 Was.
01:33:17.000 Oh, it's gone?
01:33:18.000 They shut it down. 1.00
01:33:18.000 Ah, shit. 1.00
01:33:19.000 That was a good room. 1.00
01:33:20.000 They're like, thank you. 1.00
01:33:21.000 We learned about your fucking income-making possibilities. 1.00
01:33:24.000 You're good to go. 1.00
01:33:25.000 What do you mean?
01:33:26.000 They let Americans and Westerners come in to teach them how to make money, and then eventually they're like, we're pretty much closing our borders. 0.68
01:33:33.000 Thank you.
01:33:34.000 We got enough we can get from you.
01:33:35.000 You're out.
01:33:36.000 So they let them in so that they figure out how to make money off stand-up?
01:33:40.000 Off all these sorts of things.
01:33:41.000 And then we learned enough, and it's like, hey, this free speech, get out.
01:33:44.000 They were very strict.
01:33:45.000 I don't know if they were with you.
01:33:46.000 Do not make fun of the Chinese government.
01:33:48.000 We know you think it'll be funny.
01:33:50.000 It won't be.
01:33:51.000 Not here.
01:33:51.000 Don't do it.
01:33:52.000 But I had no jokes on that anyway.
01:33:54.000 So I was just like, eh, whatever.
01:33:55.000 I don't know anything about your government.
01:33:56.000 I wasn't even planning on it.
01:33:58.000 But, you know, one of them was a bar show.
01:33:59.000 One was in a bookstore.
01:34:00.000 But they were all great.
01:34:01.000 Beijing was a bookstore.
01:34:02.000 Yes.
01:34:03.000 That's where I met Des.
01:34:03.000 That was the best show of the trip.
01:34:05.000 It was great.
01:34:06.000 Yeah, and they gave us duck after. 1.00
01:34:08.000 It was awesome.
01:34:08.000 And you say you're doing it as a showcase.
01:34:11.000 So how many comics were on the show with you?
01:34:12.000 It was like three, four comics than me, and I'd probably do like 20 or 30. Locals?
01:34:16.000 A lot of locals.
01:34:16.000 That's how they got the comedy scene.
01:34:17.000 They're like, hey, is an out-of-towner here?
01:34:19.000 Come in.
01:34:20.000 And they're like, by the way, guys, we have an open mic every week if you want to come back.
01:34:22.000 And people are like, all right.
01:34:23.000 All these expats are like, I'll come back. 0.94
01:34:24.000 I did so much blow in Beijing.
01:34:26.000 Really?
01:34:27.000 What?
01:34:27.000 Oh, my God.
01:34:28.000 Did you?
01:34:28.000 Oh, yeah.
01:34:29.000 That's a risky move. 1.00
01:34:31.000 Nah, they don't give a shit. 1.00
01:34:31.000 Any drug that white people do, they're like, we don't care. 1.00
01:34:33.000 Opium, they'll kill you. 1.00
01:34:35.000 What? 1.00
01:34:35.000 Coke, they're like, fucking kill yourselves. 1.00
01:34:36.000 We don't care. 1.00
01:34:37.000 They don't care if you do coke?
01:34:38.000 They don't care about weed.
01:34:40.000 They don't know what the smell is. 0.91
01:34:41.000 Coke, they just, it's a white drug.
01:34:42.000 It's not a yellow drug, so they just don't care.
01:34:45.000 What?
01:34:45.000 Yeah.
01:34:46.000 Really?
01:34:47.000 So they have no regulations on coke?
01:34:49.000 You can't import it.
01:34:49.000 There was a Bayesian comic who got caught with coke, they stamped her passport, never allowed her to return, sent her on her way.
01:34:55.000 Damn. 0.99
01:34:55.000 She steamed it out and went back. 0.99
01:34:57.000 Oh, what a badass.
01:34:59.000 Who is that?
01:35:00.000 Gangster.
01:35:01.000 Miss Pat? 0.98
01:35:03.000 Good for her.
01:35:04.000 Were any of the guys that you were working with funny?
01:35:07.000 No.
01:35:08.000 They're brand new.
01:35:09.000 Yeah, they were new.
01:35:09.000 They were young.
01:35:10.000 Very supportive.
01:35:10.000 It was like a belly room.
01:35:11.000 It was a very supportive show.
01:35:12.000 And I think comedy stand-up is kind of new there.
01:35:14.000 Yeah, stand-up's new.
01:35:15.000 Yeah, so you could go in there and you were a god.
01:35:18.000 You're murdering because you had set a punch, set a punch.
01:35:21.000 And they were just like, oh, this is weird.
01:35:24.000 You know, it was a lot of that stuff.
01:35:25.000 You were like a black dude playing rock and roll. 0.99
01:35:27.000 Yes, exactly. 0.89
01:35:27.000 White people was just like, oh! 0.89
01:35:29.000 Was it a lot of Americans?
01:35:30.000 There was some Australian, some European, a couple American, and some Chinese.
01:35:35.000 So is it a lot of people that are there for jobs or something like that?
01:35:38.000 Yeah, five-year, three-year contracts for banks or schools or whatever. 0.98
01:35:41.000 I notice a lot of ugly white guys move to China to get laid. 0.99
01:35:44.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00
01:35:45.000 Because you stand out. 0.99
01:35:46.000 You're like a black guy. 1.00
01:35:47.000 Your dick's bigger. 1.00
01:35:48.000 You're cooler. 1.00
01:35:49.000 You're more athletic.
01:35:50.000 There was a guy, a comic there, who pickpocketed somebody. 0.94
01:35:55.000 And a black guy.
01:35:57.000 And they were like, they just made a lineup of like the eight black people in Beijing.
01:36:02.000 And the lady's like, yeah, it's that one. 1.00
01:36:03.000 He just got out of jail.
01:36:06.000 Just got out of a Chinese jail?
01:36:08.000 Yeah.
01:36:08.000 And he went to China to rob people?
01:36:10.000 I don't think that's why he was there.
01:36:12.000 Can you imagine getting arrested for robbery in China?
01:36:15.000 That's terrifying.
01:36:16.000 Did they lock him up?
01:36:17.000 They locked him up.
01:36:18.000 They said he came out changed.
01:36:20.000 Oh.
01:36:21.000 Yeah, that was changing.
01:36:22.000 Caning. 1.00
01:36:22.000 Yeah, they probably stripped layers out of his asshole. 1.00
01:36:26.000 Yikes. 1.00
01:36:27.000 The inside of it is very different.
01:36:29.000 My body is telling me yes.
01:36:31.000 Imagine what they did to him in jail, man.
01:36:33.000 In China. 1.00
01:36:35.000 That's what I forgot about that chick with her fucking dad. 1.00
01:36:37.000 I didn't forget. 1.00
01:36:38.000 You told me that story.
01:36:39.000 I was terrified. 0.99
01:36:40.000 Yeah, it's a real fucked up thing. 0.98
01:36:42.000 It's just adventure out there. 0.97
01:36:43.000 It's a fun trip.
01:36:44.000 It's a fun trip. 0.99
01:36:44.000 Callan told me he went to a restaurant and there was a hole in the floor where he'd go to take a shit. 0.99
01:36:48.000 That's true. 1.00
01:36:49.000 And then underneath it was pigs. 0.99
01:36:50.000 Whoa! 1.00
01:36:51.000 Eating the shit. 1.00
01:36:52.000 That I didn't see. 1.00
01:36:53.000 There was a restaurant where pigs were under the shit. 1.00
01:36:56.000 They were eating human shit. 1.00
01:36:57.000 And then you go, yeah, and then you order a fucking... 1.00
01:36:59.000 And then you eat the pig that ate the shit. 1.00
01:37:02.000 Yikes, full circle. 1.00
01:37:04.000 Yeah, I can't believe COVID came out of there.
01:37:06.000 There's the other thing that Ari told me about that I couldn't believe was true, but was sewer oil.
01:37:11.000 They would make cooking oil out of sewage.
01:37:14.000 They would boil raw sewage down and find the oil and strip it out and then resell it to these restaurants.
01:37:20.000 They'd render it down and then they'd make...
01:37:22.000 I'm never going there.
01:37:22.000 They'd say something like two-thirds of the street noodles are made with sewage oil.
01:37:26.000 It was crazy.
01:37:27.000 I remember walking down an alley, and there was a guy doing dental work in a chair.
01:37:31.000 And I was like, wow, what's that?
01:37:32.000 Like, that's a dentist's office.
01:37:33.000 And then next to it was like a guy getting his hair cut on the street.
01:37:36.000 I was like, this is China. 0.61
01:37:37.000 It's wild.
01:37:38.000 I don't know if you guys just get it.
01:37:40.000 Yeah.
01:37:41.000 You gotta have walls around these things.
01:37:42.000 Yeah, maybe some Purell, a glove.
01:37:44.000 In a lot of ways, it's way more free.
01:37:46.000 You could buy a beer at 3 a.m.
01:37:48.000 and just drink it in the street, but you can't get on Google.
01:37:52.000 Interesting.
01:37:53.000 Yeah.
01:37:53.000 Yeah, you can't watch videos at Tiananmen Square.
01:37:55.000 There's no sign even there.
01:37:57.000 Really?
01:37:57.000 You don't even know.
01:37:59.000 You're like, where was it?
01:37:59.000 You just walked through it.
01:38:01.000 Yeah.
01:38:01.000 There's no notification of a historical...
01:38:03.000 Because of what happened.
01:38:04.000 Yeah.
01:38:05.000 That's how they roll.
01:38:06.000 You can only do TikTok for three hours there.
01:38:08.000 They have all these weird rules.
01:38:09.000 This is the dentist on the street.
01:38:10.000 There it is!
01:38:11.000 There's Mark in the back.
01:38:12.000 Yeah.
01:38:13.000 Hey, Dennis!
01:38:14.000 Keep your tooth.
01:38:16.000 Teeth.
01:38:17.000 See, look at that.
01:38:18.000 That guy's just done.
01:38:19.000 He's good to go.
01:38:20.000 That guy got a good mustache.
01:38:22.000 No lollipop.
01:38:24.000 Yeah, this doesn't look great.
01:38:26.000 But it's cool to see.
01:38:28.000 It is cool to see.
01:38:28.000 And then you're just building material.
01:38:29.000 I'm walking through.
01:38:30.000 I'm writing an hour of jokes here.
01:38:31.000 It's so foreign. 1.00
01:38:32.000 A billion people. 1.00
01:38:34.000 Damn. 1.00
01:38:35.000 Damn. 1.00
01:38:35.000 So, did you eat any of that food that was made with sewage oil? 1.00
01:38:38.000 I think I did.
01:38:39.000 He must have.
01:38:40.000 I probably did.
01:38:40.000 The food wasn't great, because, you know, Chinese food in America is all sweetened up and salted up.
01:38:45.000 Out there, it's a little bland.
01:38:47.000 Really?
01:38:47.000 Yeah, it wasn't as good.
01:38:48.000 They don't take the bones out, too.
01:38:48.000 They just cleaver the whole thing into bite-sized pieces, but bones are in the middle of it.
01:38:52.000 So they'll make you take your own bones out. 0.99
01:38:54.000 Yeah, and you're like, what the fuck? 1.00
01:38:55.000 Wow. 1.00
01:38:55.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:38:57.000 Good times.
01:38:57.000 It was a really cool, interesting experience.
01:39:00.000 That really got me going on travel.
01:39:02.000 That's the most foreign place. 1.00
01:39:03.000 It's weird watching how they navigate through groups of people, how they just kind of bump into each other.
01:39:09.000 Yeah, that's true.
01:39:09.000 No sense of personal space.
01:39:10.000 There's no bubble in China.
01:39:12.000 No.
01:39:12.000 Even the subway, they just push you in, and they're just like, ugh, in the subway.
01:39:15.000 It's crazy.
01:39:17.000 When I was on a plane, we were going from Taiwan to, I forget, I think we were on the way to Thailand.
01:39:21.000 You went to Taiwan?
01:39:22.000 Yeah, and there was a lot of Chinese people on the plane, and my daughter was waiting in line for the bathroom, and this Chinese lady walks past her like she wasn't even a thing, like bumped her like she was a curtain. 1.00
01:39:34.000 Damn. 0.98
01:39:35.000 My wife got all pissed off, and I go, she's not being rude. 1.00
01:39:37.000 It's just their culture.
01:39:38.000 That's how it is.
01:39:39.000 It's crazy.
01:39:39.000 There's no expectation of personal space.
01:39:42.000 My daughter was like, you know, fucking nine. 0.99
01:39:44.000 She was like, bump. 1.00
01:39:45.000 What the fuck is going on? 0.99
01:39:47.000 She looked at me, and it was one of those things like, this is just how they do it. 1.00
01:39:50.000 Be cool.
01:39:52.000 Don't freak out.
01:39:53.000 She's not even being rude.
01:39:54.000 She's bumping into you because she would bump into me that way, too.
01:39:57.000 She'd bump into anybody.
01:39:58.000 On the plane from China or in China, there's always somebody with their carry-on with just a box of a turkey, like a dead turkey. 1.00
01:40:05.000 It's always leaking and shit into the fucking cardboard box. 1.00
01:40:08.000 Duct-taped and shit. 1.00
01:40:09.000 You can get one where you're going. 0.99
01:40:11.000 I flew coach to China.
01:40:12.000 It was the hardest thing I've ever done.
01:40:14.000 It was like my Vietnam. 0.89
01:40:15.000 It was brutal.
01:40:16.000 How many hours?
01:40:17.000 21?
01:40:18.000 It was a long flight.
01:40:19.000 We went through Doha.
01:40:20.000 I did coach too.
01:40:21.000 It was a nightmare.
01:40:22.000 Same size coach seats as American coach? 1.00
01:40:23.000 Same shit. 1.00
01:40:23.000 And the TV was in Chinese. 1.00
01:40:25.000 I was like, fuck! 1.00
01:40:27.000 So I couldn't even watch TV really. 0.99
01:40:29.000 And I remember a guy's foot came between the seats.
01:40:31.000 That's just how they do it there.
01:40:33.000 Yeah, you can't tell them no.
01:40:34.000 Yeah.
01:40:35.000 The cool thing, I had heavy edibles the whole way.
01:40:37.000 But then when you landed, you have to go to the bathroom and dump whatever.
01:40:40.000 But Jesus Christ, when did you get arrested?
01:40:42.000 On the plane in America.
01:40:43.000 You dump them in the airport, in the airplane before you go in.
01:40:46.000 And then you're just high when you go in.
01:40:47.000 I took everything I had left, took those, and then got off the plane. 1.00
01:40:50.000 But when you land in China, you're like, oh, I'm fucked. 0.99
01:40:52.000 It's all, you know, character, Chinese characters. 0.99
01:40:55.000 It's tough.
01:40:56.000 Isn't there an app where you can hold your phone up and it'll translate?
01:40:59.000 Yep.
01:41:00.000 Probably now.
01:41:00.000 I didn't have that.
01:41:01.000 Yeah, there is.
01:41:01.000 I just had to wing it.
01:41:03.000 It's hard.
01:41:03.000 You just point.
01:41:04.000 I learned the word for beef, and I was like, I think Ryu or something like that.
01:41:08.000 I was like, Ryu?
01:41:09.000 And they just pointed at a sign like, there's 10 different beef.
01:41:12.000 What do you want?
01:41:13.000 I'm like, I don't know.
01:41:14.000 Three?
01:41:15.000 And then you just got to go with it.
01:41:16.000 Wow.
01:41:17.000 Whatever it is, it is.
01:41:18.000 Did you try to learn any of the language?
01:41:20.000 A little bit.
01:41:21.000 Please, thank you.
01:41:21.000 I always try to learn please, thank you.
01:41:23.000 One through ten.
01:41:24.000 Bathroom.
01:41:24.000 What's ni hao?
01:41:25.000 Ni hao? 0.96
01:41:26.000 Is that bi?
01:41:28.000 Hello?
01:41:29.000 Is that Chinese? 0.82
01:41:29.000 Yeah, kailan. 0.82
01:41:30.000 Ni hao, kailan.
01:41:32.000 You ever see that show?
01:41:33.000 Uh-uh.
01:41:34.000 It's a kid's show.
01:41:35.000 Ni hao. 0.99
01:41:37.000 It was like a Chinese cartoon.
01:41:38.000 Oh.
01:41:39.000 You ever seen it?
01:41:39.000 No, I don't have kids.
01:41:40.000 I'm from Durham.
01:41:42.000 Find him.
01:41:43.000 Find him.
01:41:44.000 Ni hao. 0.99
01:41:45.000 Ni hao. 0.99
01:41:46.000 Yeah, it's a show where it's like this lady and... 1.00
01:41:49.000 Drink, dude.
01:41:50.000 You guys are all sober as a bird, dude.
01:41:51.000 I finished all that whiskey.
01:41:52.000 Here it is.
01:41:52.000 There's Kyland.
01:41:53.000 That's nothing. 0.99
01:41:54.000 That was a fucking cup of whiskey. 1.00
01:41:55.000 Ni hao. 1.00
01:41:58.000 So she has a pet panda bear.
01:42:01.000 She's cute. 0.95
01:42:01.000 She's got a pet... 0.95
01:42:04.000 Tiger and that little monkey.
01:42:06.000 What does Ni Hao mean?
01:42:07.000 It means hello.
01:42:08.000 Okay, I think it does too.
01:42:10.000 Does it mean hello?
01:42:10.000 Yep.
01:42:11.000 But I'll tell you, you realize how much you rely on that phone, that GPS, that Uber, when you're like, I'm fucked. 0.97
01:42:15.000 The GPS, you can get any public transportation. 0.97
01:42:17.000 You can get on there in China.
01:42:18.000 I know, but it's still like, you know, you look up, you're like, I don't know what the hell these numbers mean or what that means, and you've got to really, like, use your brain again.
01:42:26.000 It's fun just getting lost there, though.
01:42:28.000 I love getting lost.
01:42:30.000 I love to just travel and live and laugh. 0.99
01:42:32.000 Shut up. 0.98
01:42:33.000 And love. 1.00
01:42:34.000 Wake up without a kidney.
01:42:37.000 Yeah.
01:42:38.000 Tub of ice.
01:42:39.000 I was watching this documentary where they were talking about what they do to get harvest organs from prisoners.
01:42:47.000 What's going on?
01:42:48.000 Lighter?
01:42:49.000 You want to light it for you?
01:42:50.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:42:52.000 They suspect that they harvest the organs from prisoners and from people who fucked up. 0.99
01:42:59.000 So if you get an organ, you get a kidney. 0.99
01:43:02.000 It's probably from some child molester or something. 0.98
01:43:06.000 Murderer. 1.00
01:43:06.000 Maybe, or some guy who fucked up. 1.00
01:43:08.000 China forcefully harvests organs from detainees. 1.00
01:43:12.000 Tribunal concludes.
01:43:13.000 Look at this.
01:43:14.000 Yikes.
01:43:14.000 China's organ transplant trade is worth one billion a year, and they forcefully harvest the organs from prisoners.
01:43:22.000 That is wild.
01:43:23.000 Yikes.
01:43:24.000 Can you imagine?
01:43:25.000 You go to jail for shoplifting.
01:43:27.000 Well, we get your finger.
01:43:28.000 They take your kidney. 1.00
01:43:30.000 Yeah.
01:43:31.000 They take a chunk out of your liver.
01:43:32.000 Well, the liver is very resilient.
01:43:35.000 Allegedly.
01:43:36.000 And then the kidney, you get two of those, right?
01:43:39.000 Burt Kreischer's alive.
01:43:40.000 That's true.
01:43:41.000 Yeah, none of it makes sense.
01:43:43.000 Norm is dead, Burt's alive.
01:43:44.000 Artie Lang's alive.
01:43:45.000 Artie Lang's alive with no nose.
01:43:47.000 That's not a good symbol there.
01:43:49.000 The fake swastikas, the reverse swastikas. 0.84
01:43:51.000 Falun Gong, which means the wheel practice in Chinese, a set of meditation exercises and texts that preach the virtues of truth, benevolence, and forbearance.
01:44:02.000 So those people, it's like a religious sect.
01:44:06.000 And those people, they were, oh, the Chinese government banned Falun Gong.
01:44:10.000 Oh, they're in Deer Park, New York.
01:44:12.000 We've got to go over there.
01:44:13.000 And so those people, they were harvesting their organs.
01:44:15.000 Whoops.
01:44:17.000 That's wild.
01:44:19.000 Yeah, all that, what's that thing where they show the bodies and set out?
01:44:23.000 Bodies? 0.93
01:44:24.000 Yeah.
01:44:24.000 Oh, yeah.
01:44:25.000 That was all like, hey, would nobody give permission for you guys to use this for a traveling show?
01:44:29.000 Not just that, like, they even say, like, that those bodies, like, Google, like, where do the bodies come from?
01:44:36.000 We've done this before.
01:44:37.000 They're all of them, like, unclaimed Chinese bodies. 0.99
01:44:41.000 What do you want?
01:44:42.000 What?
01:44:43.000 Ash.
01:44:44.000 It's good.
01:44:45.000 I forget how good this is.
01:44:46.000 It's a great beer.
01:44:47.000 Get the Texas logo right on there.
01:44:49.000 Everything's Texas.
01:44:50.000 That's fun.
01:44:51.000 Texas supports Texas. 0.99
01:44:53.000 Texas fucking loves Texas. 1.00
01:44:55.000 Don't bring your California to my Texas. 1.00
01:44:57.000 I love it here.
01:44:58.000 Second best flag in the Union.
01:44:59.000 I mean, I get it.
01:45:00.000 If I was from Texas...
01:45:00.000 I mean, Texas is...
01:45:02.000 What America is to the rest of the world.
01:45:04.000 Yeah. 0.99
01:45:05.000 They're like, yeah, we're the fucking best. 0.98
01:45:07.000 And everybody else is like, yeah, you guys are cool. 1.00
01:45:09.000 Fuck you guys. 1.00
01:45:10.000 Shut up about it. 1.00
01:45:11.000 But they all wind up moving here when shit goes sideways. 1.00
01:45:13.000 And you got all these great festivals here. 0.98
01:45:15.000 They all come in for that.
01:45:16.000 A lot of festivals.
01:45:17.000 A lot of comedy here, man.
01:45:18.000 A lot of comedy.
01:45:18.000 There's so many comedy clubs now.
01:45:20.000 The scene here is hot.
01:45:22.000 I keep hearing about Sunset Strip comedy clip.
01:45:25.000 What the hell is that?
01:45:26.000 There's the Romo Room, there's the Creek in the Cave, there's Vulcan.
01:45:28.000 Have you done all these yet?
01:45:29.000 No.
01:45:30.000 No, I've done the Creek in the Cave, and I've done Vulcan, and Stubbs.
01:45:33.000 I did Stubbs a bunch of times with Chappelle. 0.92
01:45:35.000 It'd only be stupid to open another one. 1.00
01:45:37.000 Yeah, only a moron would do that. 1.00
01:45:39.000 What's a date? 1.00
01:45:40.000 You got a date yet?
01:45:41.000 Sometime in the summer.
01:45:41.000 We're in construction right now.
01:45:43.000 Hey, hey! 0.96
01:45:44.000 I'll show you afterwards.
01:45:44.000 It's a badass room.
01:45:46.000 No, we all went.
01:45:47.000 Oh, you were there?
01:45:48.000 Yeah.
01:45:48.000 Sorry.
01:45:48.000 It's gonna be awesome.
01:45:49.000 Without that suit, I forgot you.
01:45:50.000 We should see it now, because it's demoed.
01:45:52.000 All the seats are gone. 0.99
01:45:53.000 Oh, shit. 0.99
01:45:54.000 We've got all the walls are prepped. 1.00
01:45:57.000 It's pretty exciting.
01:45:58.000 Ice left?
01:45:59.000 Or is that water?
01:45:59.000 What do you got there?
01:46:00.000 That's water.
01:46:01.000 Just take a shot, dude.
01:46:03.000 I like to milk it. 0.61
01:46:04.000 Just take a shot.
01:46:04.000 Don't be scared.
01:46:06.000 You need ice cubes?
01:46:07.000 Just dig in with your hands.
01:46:08.000 We don't care.
01:46:08.000 Oh, here, here, here.
01:46:09.000 Oh, yeah, there's a ton of ice.
01:46:10.000 What do you got?
01:46:12.000 Nice. 0.98
01:46:13.000 Hit me, baby. 1.00
01:46:14.000 There you go. 0.99
01:46:15.000 Thank you.
01:46:15.000 Alright, alright.
01:46:16.000 Good sound.
01:46:17.000 Alright.
01:46:18.000 That is a nice sound.
01:46:19.000 What is that?
01:46:20.000 ADR? Is that what that is?
01:46:21.000 Where they add sound in later?
01:46:22.000 We could do these live.
01:46:24.000 What?
01:46:25.000 Protect Our Parks.
01:46:26.000 Yeah.
01:46:27.000 If you don't do live anymore.
01:46:28.000 No.
01:46:28.000 Oh, you mean in front of a crowd?
01:46:30.000 In front of a crowd.
01:46:30.000 Oh, that would be fun.
01:46:32.000 That would be fun.
01:46:32.000 We need a better name.
01:46:34.000 We've got to solidify a name.
01:46:35.000 I like Bush Meat Boys. 0.99
01:46:36.000 I like Bush Meat Boys. 0.99
01:46:36.000 Protect Our Parks is perfect. 0.99
01:46:37.000 It's terrible.
01:46:38.000 P.O.P.? Protect Our Parks is good.
01:46:41.000 Because it's terrible.
01:46:42.000 Bush Meat Boys. 0.94
01:46:44.000 That's what people have been saying.
01:46:44.000 Bush Meat Boys?
01:46:45.000 Who's the people?
01:46:46.000 The people you talk to?
01:46:48.000 My text message thread says protect our parks.
01:46:51.000 Yeah, mine too.
01:46:52.000 Ari, it's time for us to start protecting parks.
01:46:55.000 Well, we gotta find a new park to protect.
01:46:57.000 We should have another wasted opportunity every week.
01:47:00.000 How much work did you put in to try to save that park?
01:47:03.000 I went on a couple marches.
01:47:04.000 Did you really?
01:47:05.000 You got a shirt?
01:47:05.000 You went on marches?
01:47:07.000 Yeah.
01:47:07.000 To protect a park?
01:47:08.000 Marches don't really work, right? 0.91
01:47:10.000 They don't. 1.00
01:47:10.000 Went to Carolyn Rivera's house and fucking put some fucking garbage in our stoop. 1.00
01:47:16.000 What? 1.00
01:47:16.000 Carolina Rivera. 1.00
01:47:17.000 Yeah.
01:47:17.000 Congressman, she's on the take.
01:47:19.000 You did that to a woman of color? 1.00
01:47:21.000 Yeah.
01:47:21.000 Uh-oh.
01:47:22.000 A lot of them are on the take? 1.00
01:47:23.000 You threw trash on a woman of color. 1.00
01:47:25.000 How many congresspeople do you think are legit not on the take? 0.99
01:47:28.000 A small percentage.
01:47:30.000 Really?
01:47:30.000 I talked to a UFC fighter once a long time ago.
01:47:33.000 So, grain of salt, I'm not going to say the name, so it's grain of salt.
01:47:35.000 Was it right after a fight when he was just making stuff up?
01:47:37.000 Yeah, it's a carnival source.
01:47:39.000 He goes, how many UFC fighters on steroids? 1.00
01:47:42.000 And he was like, fuck, all of them. 0.99
01:47:44.000 I mean, so few or not. 0.99
01:47:45.000 It's just different levels of whatever steroids.
01:47:47.000 Okay, that was back in the day.
01:47:47.000 Yeah, back in the day.
01:47:48.000 They're fired up.
01:47:48.000 Before USADA. That's true.
01:47:50.000 That was true.
01:47:51.000 For a while, there was a lot of them that are on PDs.
01:47:53.000 It's either some or too much, but they're all on something.
01:47:55.000 Something.
01:47:56.000 At the time, a lot of them were.
01:47:58.000 There was guys like BJ Penn that were straight, natural.
01:48:00.000 Yeah, Clay Guida.
01:48:02.000 I would, dude.
01:48:04.000 You know how nervous you'd be before a fight?
01:48:05.000 And someone's like, hey, this will help you.
01:48:07.000 And you've got to keep up with the competition.
01:48:09.000 That was the problem.
01:48:10.000 It's like the Tour de France.
01:48:12.000 When everyone is doing steroids, you do steroids.
01:48:14.000 You cannot do it. 0.99
01:48:15.000 BJ Penn, the Hawaiian dudes are fucking tough. 1.00
01:48:19.000 Oh, yeah, man. 0.99
01:48:20.000 Scrap over there and there's nowhere to go.
01:48:21.000 You're on an island.
01:48:22.000 Scrap.
01:48:22.000 Scrap.
01:48:22.000 That's what they call it.
01:48:23.000 There's nowhere to go.
01:48:24.000 Were you at that Maui Fest?
01:48:25.000 Yeah.
01:48:25.000 Yeah, that Maui Fest.
01:48:27.000 I saw a fist fight and it was like a white American guy and a Hawaiian guy, like a local Hawaiian guy.
01:48:32.000 It was the toughest fight I've ever seen.
01:48:34.000 What a mistake.
01:48:34.000 Unreal.
01:48:35.000 But the white guy was hanging in there.
01:48:36.000 I think he knew some moves. 1.00
01:48:39.000 Yeah, some MMA shit. 0.98
01:48:40.000 But that Hawaiian guy was just like a local dude and he would not go down. 0.98
01:48:44.000 The guy was just wailing on him and he wouldn't stop and the cops had to come.
01:48:48.000 He's like, my dad beat me worse than this.
01:48:49.000 Yeah, exactly.
01:48:51.000 It was wild. 1.00
01:48:52.000 When you live on an island and you talk shit, you can't go anywhere. 1.00
01:48:55.000 You can't leave. 1.00
01:48:56.000 You gotta hang out. 1.00
01:48:57.000 Unless you've been on a fucking plane and fly five hours across the ocean. 0.99
01:49:01.000 It's a long flight to get out of there. 0.99
01:49:03.000 Remember that big rock we would climb and jump off? 0.97
01:49:06.000 It was super high and it was scary as shit. 0.92
01:49:08.000 And it took me all day to work it up. 0.98
01:49:10.000 Oh, God.
01:49:10.000 You jumped?
01:49:10.000 Did you jump?
01:49:11.000 I eventually jumped, but then these local guys would do like eight triple Lindy's off and I was like, ah, shit. 0.99
01:49:16.000 And that guy was like four years old. 0.99
01:49:18.000 It was brutal.
01:49:18.000 I would just snork and watch up onto the water and come down through the water.
01:49:21.000 It was so cool.
01:49:22.000 Yeah, they'd pick up the fish with their hand. 1.00
01:49:23.000 They were tough as shit. 0.99
01:49:23.000 Dude, that's how I felt when we were skiing. 0.99
01:49:25.000 I'd be up there.
01:49:26.000 You were killing it.
01:49:27.000 Nervous.
01:49:28.000 But then I'd go out and see a group of four-year-olds.
01:49:32.000 You were new.
01:49:33.000 With no poles, just like Christmas stories. 0.59
01:49:35.000 Yeah, and then there'd be an instructor with... 0.65
01:49:38.000 The hills I was on, they were always kids.
01:49:41.000 Yeah.
01:49:43.000 In classes.
01:49:44.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:49:44.000 And I'd be like, oh, fuck, fuck. 1.00
01:49:46.000 Like, trying so hard. 1.00
01:49:48.000 Oh, yeah.
01:49:48.000 And then I'd be like, I'd fall and lay there, and then a group of, like, six eight-year-olds would go by.
01:49:54.000 Right.
01:49:54.000 I was trying to take a video of Shane.
01:49:55.000 He's like, no.
01:49:56.000 Yeah, definitely don't.
01:49:57.000 This needs to go nowhere.
01:49:59.000 I'm like, alright.
01:50:00.000 Some tall, standing straight up.
01:50:02.000 Barry, you've broken a couple things and you still ski.
01:50:04.000 Oh, yeah.
01:50:05.000 Wrist?
01:50:06.000 Yeah.
01:50:06.000 He shattered my wrist last time I was there with you two times ago.
01:50:09.000 You're not trying to raise Burt.
01:50:10.000 No, I'm not that good at skiing, but I will go for it.
01:50:12.000 He's not that good, but he'll be like, yeah, let's do a Black Diamond in the Rockies.
01:50:15.000 Yeah.
01:50:15.000 I'll try jumps.
01:50:16.000 I don't know how to do it.
01:50:17.000 And he skis in that suit.
01:50:19.000 Pretty much.
01:50:19.000 So you just don't worry about getting hurt?
01:50:21.000 You can't, man.
01:50:22.000 You gotta have some fun.
01:50:23.000 You can't be living like that.
01:50:24.000 Well, that's how I lived, and I had a good time, Jason.
01:50:27.000 I didn't break anything this time. 0.99
01:50:29.000 Do a couple little bunny hills, then go get fucked up at the lodge. 0.99
01:50:32.000 It was great. 0.99
01:50:32.000 Yeah, that was fun. 0.99
01:50:33.000 It was great.
01:50:34.000 When I shattered my wrist when I was there with Norman, me and Brian O'Neill were like, let's see who can get the higher speed, and I was just straight lining, out of control.
01:50:40.000 Yo, how fast were you guys going?
01:50:41.000 This is preposterous.
01:50:42.000 The surgeon told me I had to be going at least 80. Wow!
01:50:46.000 The surgeon?
01:50:47.000 Yeah, reconstructed my wrist.
01:50:49.000 Wait, you couldn't have been going 80 miles an hour, right?
01:50:51.000 Yeah, that's pretty fast, man.
01:50:52.000 Dude, I was killing it.
01:50:54.000 It was bombing.
01:50:55.000 Dude, when I hit that snowboarder, I flew so far before I hit the ground.
01:50:59.000 I don't know if I believe 80 is possible on skis.
01:51:02.000 Let's guess.
01:51:02.000 I bet it is.
01:51:03.000 It was probably like 40. No, no, no.
01:51:06.000 A speed skier?
01:51:07.000 But we were going straight downhill as hard as I could.
01:51:10.000 Yeah, if you're going straight in the Rockies.
01:51:12.000 What's the fastest speed anybody's ever achieved on skis?
01:51:14.000 Let's guess that.
01:51:15.000 130. Really?
01:51:16.000 I'm guessing.
01:51:17.000 Sonny Bono.
01:51:18.000 I don't know.
01:51:19.000 True.
01:51:20.000 One of the Kennedys, too, remember?
01:51:21.000 Oh, yeah.
01:51:22.000 I love going through the woods.
01:51:24.000 So, let's guess.
01:51:25.000 What do you think?
01:51:25.000 What's the speed?
01:51:26.000 I'm going to go 90. 90 sounds good.
01:51:29.000 I think they're in the hundreds.
01:51:31.000 Those dudes going straight down those... 1.00
01:51:31.000 The fastest guys. 1.00
01:51:32.000 The tuck.
01:51:33.000 It's like the long drivers in golf where they're hitting 430 and you're like, what?
01:51:37.000 That's not possible.
01:51:38.000 I'm going to go with 100. Jamie, what's the fastest?
01:51:41.000 Here we go.
01:51:42.000 120. Come on now, dude.
01:51:45.000 Average.
01:51:46.000 It says they get up to 80, but they can go up to 100. Let's see if there's like a...
01:51:51.000 That's the record.
01:51:52.000 That's what I'm checking.
01:51:52.000 It's still wild, dude.
01:51:53.000 That's like a slap shot.
01:51:54.000 A hundred is so fast.
01:51:56.000 That's how fast you go.
01:51:57.000 A hundred is so fast.
01:51:59.000 That is a pitch.
01:52:00.000 And you're not in a shell of a car.
01:52:01.000 You're just like open when you fall.
01:52:02.000 Yeah.
01:52:03.000 It is snow, but...
01:52:04.000 How do you stop at a hundred?
01:52:06.000 Slam into a snowboarder.
01:52:08.000 Dude, so my wrist was like really hurt.
01:52:10.000 And Ryan was like, you're fine. 0.99
01:52:12.000 Shut up. 0.99
01:52:12.000 And then I tried to put... 0.99
01:52:13.000 Later at night, I tried to put the key in the door of the place we were staying.
01:52:16.000 And I was like, ow!
01:52:17.000 And just switch hands.
01:52:19.000 You would, dude.
01:52:20.000 You'd be trying to be like, I'm trying to unlock the door.
01:52:22.000 Ow! 1.00
01:52:23.000 Ow! 1.00
01:52:23.000 What'd they have to do to your wrist? 1.00
01:52:24.000 Get in there and complete real surgery, I don't know. 0.99
01:52:27.000 Screws and shit? 0.99
01:52:28.000 Bolts? 0.99
01:52:28.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 0.99
01:52:29.000 Damn. 0.99
01:52:30.000 Is it okay now? 1.00
01:52:31.000 Mm-hmm.
01:52:32.000 Is this you?
01:52:33.000 No.
01:52:33.000 No.
01:52:33.000 You gotta hand it to Ari, though.
01:52:35.000 You hung out the rest of the trip.
01:52:36.000 254!
01:52:37.000 Holy!
01:52:38.000 It said they got up to 160, 158. That's 160. This is not a race.
01:52:43.000 They're literally just going straight downhill.
01:52:45.000 Wow.
01:52:45.000 That's gotta feel so fast.
01:52:47.000 I have a scooter, and going 30, you feel like you're in light speed.
01:52:51.000 And that's 30. Look at this fucking guy go. 1.00
01:52:54.000 And how long does it take you to stop? 1.00
01:52:55.000 It's like, damn. 0.98
01:52:57.000 By the way, there's no other skiers on the slope there, so you don't have anyone to avoid. 0.99
01:53:01.000 Right.
01:53:01.000 Hey, stop pretty quick.
01:53:02.000 That was like me, dude.
01:53:03.000 That's a girl.
01:53:04.000 Oh.
01:53:05.000 Wow, I take it all back.
01:53:07.000 She's a nice Italian lady, dude. 1.00
01:53:08.000 Well, that makes sense if a girl would be lighter, should go faster. 1.00
01:53:11.000 Does that make sense?
01:53:12.000 Someone's crashing.
01:53:13.000 Ivan.
01:53:13.000 Oh, he crashes?
01:53:14.000 Oh, here we go.
01:53:15.000 Yes.
01:53:16.000 This should be something.
01:53:17.000 This is going to be nuts.
01:53:18.000 He's just going straight. 1.00
01:53:19.000 Does he just suck? 1.00
01:53:20.000 He's pumping, too. 1.00
01:53:22.000 He's going for it.
01:53:23.000 Like, why does he fall?
01:53:24.000 His legs are so far apart.
01:53:27.000 That wasn't too bad.
01:53:29.000 The helmet's gone.
01:53:29.000 The helmet came off.
01:53:30.000 You're not doing your job.
01:53:31.000 It's like a Darth Vader.
01:53:32.000 Yeah, why do they have Star Wars helmets?
01:53:33.000 Look at those wacky boots they have on, too.
01:53:35.000 Look at that slick, slick outfit. 0.99
01:53:37.000 I know.
01:53:38.000 That's one thing they do, the jumps.
01:53:39.000 She's done. 1.00
01:53:39.000 She's fucked. 1.00
01:53:40.000 Oh, that's a lady. 1.00
01:53:41.000 She's hurtin' bad. 1.00
01:53:42.000 Eh, it's a woman. 0.99
01:53:43.000 That's Ivan.
01:53:43.000 I think it's a guy.
01:53:44.000 Yeah, dude, that's a dude. 0.98
01:53:45.000 That's a tramp. 1.00
01:53:46.000 That's a girl. 0.90
01:53:47.000 That's a girl, bro. 1.00
01:53:48.000 Look at her ass. 1.00
01:53:48.000 It's Leah Thomas. 1.00
01:53:49.000 No.
01:53:50.000 It's a dude trying to take over the girl's downslope record.
01:53:54.000 What is it?
01:53:56.000 158.424.
01:53:58.000 Wow.
01:53:58.000 That's the fastest.
01:53:58.000 You ever ski?
01:53:59.000 That's the fastest.
01:53:59.000 Yeah.
01:54:00.000 Last time I cracked my fucking bone on my shin. 1.00
01:54:03.000 Some lady... 1.00
01:54:05.000 I remember you told me, you were like, I'm done, I'm out.
01:54:07.000 I was going around this corner and this lady was a beginner and she was out of control and she was like kind of sliding and she couldn't stop and she was just going right into the path and I'm going around the corner and I had to wipe out. 0.73
01:54:19.000 You can't stop.
01:54:20.000 Shane was that lady.
01:54:22.000 I had two options.
01:54:22.000 I was very cognizant of that.
01:54:24.000 I tried my hardest not to be that.
01:54:26.000 You weren't that.
01:54:26.000 Slam into this lady or I could just go around and I know I was going to wipe out.
01:54:29.000 I wiped out and I hit the back of my head hard.
01:54:32.000 I got a concussion and I cracked my shin. 0.99
01:54:36.000 God damn. 0.99
01:54:37.000 Yeah, the top of my shin where the cartilage meets the shin bone, cracked. 0.99
01:54:41.000 Yikes.
01:54:41.000 I knew something was wrong because I was walking but I was like, this feels weird.
01:54:45.000 Weird.
01:54:45.000 Were you high or drunk?
01:54:46.000 No.
01:54:47.000 Totally sober.
01:54:48.000 There was one point I was going around that little curvy part on the bunny hills.
01:54:52.000 You remember that part?
01:54:53.000 Oh, yeah.
01:54:53.000 I was going around that.
01:54:54.000 Some 10-year-old kid did a ramp and landed right in front of me.
01:54:57.000 I was like, Jesus Christ!
01:55:00.000 Dude, I was such an old man.
01:55:02.000 It's like a kid jumped out. 1.00
01:55:03.000 I was like, God fucking damn it! 0.99
01:55:04.000 And the kid was, I'm sorry, sir! 0.99
01:55:07.000 He just flew right by me.
01:55:08.000 I'm just too aware of the consequences of getting a broken joint.
01:55:12.000 The kids are better at that because they're not aware of that.
01:55:14.000 I've had too many surgeries.
01:55:15.000 Yeah, that's what I was saying the whole time.
01:55:17.000 I was like, dude, I can't blow out a knee.
01:55:18.000 Yeah, I've had two ACLs. 1.00
01:55:21.000 That shit rules. 1.00
01:55:22.000 Meniscus. 1.00
01:55:22.000 Look at you guys. 1.00
01:55:23.000 Look at the gang, dude.
01:55:24.000 That was the beginning of the mustache.
01:55:25.000 That's how long this thing's been going.
01:55:27.000 It looks better without the bottom.
01:55:28.000 The bottom's there, dude.
01:55:30.000 That's a full beard.
01:55:31.000 But it's not curly.
01:55:33.000 Ran Azizi's like, what am I doing here?
01:55:35.000 Ran Azizi's rethinking this trip.
01:55:37.000 That was a fun time.
01:55:38.000 He's wearing jeans, too.
01:55:39.000 You guys are all wearing jeans.
01:55:40.000 Ian looks like he's wearing a fake nose and glasses.
01:55:42.000 We're at the lodge we stayed in.
01:55:43.000 So where were you guys at?
01:55:44.000 We were in Park City.
01:55:45.000 Ah, Park City's nice.
01:55:46.000 And we stayed outside Park City.
01:55:47.000 I'm trying to plan a full...
01:55:49.000 Comedy Ski Festival for next year.
01:55:51.000 With JFL maybe.
01:55:53.000 Talk to Bert.
01:55:54.000 Let him plan it.
01:55:55.000 Bert will plan things.
01:55:55.000 Good luck with the black.
01:55:57.000 Bert's got a whole fucking thing going on now. 1.00
01:55:59.000 He's got a whole festival. 0.99
01:56:00.000 Oh, the minor league baseball stadiums?
01:56:01.000 Fully loaded.
01:56:03.000 Yeah, he's got a festival. 0.99
01:56:05.000 It's fucking great. 0.98
01:56:06.000 He showed me the lineup. 0.99
01:56:07.000 I'm like, this is fantastic.
01:56:08.000 He's got Joey Diaz coming back to do it.
01:56:10.000 Attell.
01:56:11.000 Yeah, Attell.
01:56:12.000 Wow.
01:56:13.000 I mean, he showed me the lineup, he showed me the thing, I'm like, this is amazing.
01:56:16.000 It's like Burt constantly comes up with new ideas.
01:56:19.000 He's a mogul.
01:56:20.000 He's constantly coming up with new ways to make money.
01:56:23.000 Yeah, it's gonna be big.
01:56:24.000 He's doing the Greek, he's doing baseball stadiums, he's doing arenas, and he's doing these crazy markets that you forget about.
01:56:30.000 Yeah, none of us play Greenville, South Carolina.
01:56:33.000 No, or Mississippi, or Tennessee. 0.99
01:56:35.000 We did a rodeo in fucking Abilene. 0.99
01:56:38.000 Yeah, there you go. 1.00
01:56:40.000 A rodeo! 1.00
01:56:41.000 There's no service in the whole fucking place. 1.00
01:56:42.000 Who thinks of that? 0.99
01:56:43.000 That was the first show I did with him.
01:56:44.000 I didn't know his crowd at all.
01:56:46.000 Oh, they're wild.
01:56:46.000 So I got up there and said some inappropriate things.
01:56:50.000 They're a little more like...
01:56:51.000 I'm a dad!
01:56:52.000 Yeah, they're a little more...
01:56:54.000 It's a family fun party, but it's still like...
01:56:58.000 It overlaps, but...
01:56:59.000 Why don't you take it easy on the, like, your sister's doing heroin jokes? 1.00
01:57:02.000 Oh! 0.60
01:57:03.000 Like, stuff like that.
01:57:03.000 You'd think that'd be relatable.
01:57:05.000 They're a little more...
01:57:06.000 You ever play for Nate's crowd?
01:57:08.000 No.
01:57:09.000 Because you're like, yeah, we know Nate as someone who does great on our shows, but his crowd is clean.
01:57:14.000 Oh, yeah.
01:57:16.000 Oh, yeah.
01:57:16.000 And so it's like, I mean, even when you try to clean it up, you're over the line for that.
01:57:19.000 Like a Brian Regan type crowd?
01:57:21.000 Yes.
01:57:21.000 More.
01:57:22.000 Christian.
01:57:22.000 Really?
01:57:23.000 Christian.
01:57:24.000 His crowd.
01:57:25.000 Yeah, they're Christian.
01:57:25.000 That's true.
01:57:26.000 It's a lot of Christians.
01:57:27.000 He doesn't cater to them.
01:57:28.000 He's not like, oh, Lordy, when I first...
01:57:30.000 He doesn't do any of that, you know? 0.99
01:57:32.000 What the fuck? 0.99
01:57:33.000 He's not an evangelist. 1.00
01:57:34.000 What was that?
01:57:36.000 Lord, have mercy.
01:57:37.000 Lordy.
01:57:38.000 Praise be! 1.00
01:57:39.000 I thought I was at Starbucks, the motherfuckers gave me milk. 1.00
01:57:42.000 I said I ain't had milk in public in my goddamn life! 1.00
01:57:47.000 Praise Jesus! 0.99
01:57:48.000 It was the hardest two hours of my life.
01:57:51.000 Why did you come up with Oh Lordy for Nate Pagazzi?
01:57:54.000 He's fanning himself.
01:57:58.000 Temperature!
01:57:58.000 I do declare!
01:57:59.000 I got the vapors!
01:58:01.000 Actually, it probably wasn't Burt's crowd necessarily, it was just Abilene, Texas. 0.99
01:58:05.000 So I was up there like, you know who's pussies? 1.00
01:58:08.000 Troops. 1.00
01:58:09.000 And they were all like, fuck this guy! 1.00
01:58:11.000 God-fearing, military-loving, gun coach. 1.00
01:58:13.000 It was the first show.
01:58:15.000 I just met him, his whole group of dudes. 0.99
01:58:18.000 And you said the troops were pussies? 0.99
01:58:19.000 Yeah, and they were like, we like toss a coin or whatever on who goes first. 0.99
01:58:23.000 I had to open the show.
01:58:25.000 Oh, you toss a coin for that?
01:58:26.000 Yeah, it was just like, yeah, we'll flip it.
01:58:28.000 We'll see who goes every time.
01:58:29.000 Yeah.
01:58:30.000 If you toss the coin around me, I'd get it.
01:58:32.000 Yeah!
01:58:32.000 Oh, you'd scramble on the ground.
01:58:34.000 Take that coin.
01:58:35.000 Mine.
01:58:35.000 Way to play into it.
01:58:37.000 Do you pick up nickels?
01:58:38.000 Oh, yeah.
01:58:39.000 Do you pick up pennies?
01:58:41.000 Not if anyone's looking.
01:58:42.000 Nickel, please.
01:58:43.000 Nickels is enough, huh?
01:58:44.000 If people are looking, I won't.
01:58:46.000 If my friends are there, I'll do it.
01:58:47.000 No, there's no chance.
01:58:48.000 That I leave a penny?
01:58:49.000 For real, is that true?
01:58:51.000 That's not true.
01:58:52.000 I throw pennies away.
01:58:53.000 I don't know if that's true.
01:58:55.000 If I see them, I'll chuck them.
01:58:56.000 I don't know if that's true.
01:58:57.000 That's how well I'm doing.
01:58:59.000 I throw pennies out.
01:59:01.000 That's amazing.
01:59:02.000 Easy.
01:59:02.000 Congratulations.
01:59:03.000 Thank you.
01:59:03.000 But yeah, fullyloadedfest.com.
01:59:05.000 It's going to be huge.
01:59:06.000 What is that?
01:59:07.000 How many shows are you doing?
01:59:08.000 That's Bert's thing.
01:59:09.000 I'm doing a couple.
01:59:09.000 I'm doing the Greek.
01:59:10.000 I'm pretty excited.
01:59:11.000 I'll send you this, Jamie.
01:59:13.000 Yeah, post that.
01:59:14.000 It's going to be nuts.
01:59:14.000 The Greek will be really cool.
01:59:15.000 It's an iconic place.
01:59:16.000 Bert is playing Red Rocks specifically.
01:59:18.000 You guys are both doing Red Rocks.
01:59:19.000 That is what an iconic place.
01:59:21.000 I'll see you there.
01:59:22.000 I believe I am.
01:59:23.000 There he is.
01:59:24.000 He takes his shirt off?
01:59:26.000 That's his promo thing?
01:59:27.000 South Bend, Indiana, dude.
01:59:29.000 Please let me get on this.
01:59:30.000 Can't take the Florida out of Florida.
01:59:33.000 Oh, that was a good one.
01:59:35.000 I was at that show.
01:59:39.000 Oh, I thought that was Red Rocks.
01:59:41.000 What the first one was?
01:59:42.000 Cold beers, sunsets, music, and a ton of surprises.
01:59:47.000 Trust me when I say you won't want to miss out.
01:59:52.000 This is a Morgan Freeman impersonator?
01:59:55.000 So does that guy sue?
01:59:57.000 Does Morgan Freeman sue?
01:59:59.000 Nah.
02:00:00.000 Maybe he should.
02:00:02.000 This summer.
02:00:03.000 Alright, we got it.
02:00:05.000 I sent you an image, Jamie, that'll show all the tour dates that he's got.
02:00:10.000 Nice.
02:00:11.000 Dude, how about the pop when he takes his shirt off?
02:00:13.000 It's wild.
02:00:15.000 You know how people, comedians will be like, oh, what's he taking his shirt off?
02:00:18.000 There it is.
02:00:19.000 Fully alerted. 1.00
02:00:19.000 Look at his fucking shirt's off in the poster. 1.00
02:00:22.000 Yeah, and he was generous. 1.00
02:00:23.000 The gut's bigger.
02:00:26.000 What are the numbers?
02:00:33.000 Yeah, what are the numbers?
02:00:34.000 Next to some of the names.
02:00:35.000 Tell what they're doing.
02:00:36.000 Four?
02:00:37.000 There's one.
02:00:38.000 There's eight shows and they have...
02:00:39.000 Oh, okay.
02:00:40.000 Oh, I see.
02:00:43.000 But that's a terrible graphic.
02:00:44.000 Who made that graphic? 0.96
02:00:45.000 That's so confusing. 1.00
02:00:47.000 Idiot. 1.00
02:00:47.000 I can't even see it and it's huge. 1.00
02:00:49.000 Look at this.
02:00:49.000 Louisville, Kentucky.
02:00:50.000 What else you got here?
02:00:51.000 Who's reading those numbers?
02:00:52.000 Brandon, Missouri. 1.00
02:00:54.000 Yeah, he's going to all the shit holes. 1.00
02:00:56.000 Lawrenceville, Georgia, Bristol, Tennessee. 1.00
02:00:58.000 I mean, this is going to be nutty.
02:00:59.000 Fine folks, I'm sure.
02:01:00.000 Yeah.
02:01:01.000 Good people.
02:01:01.000 That's going to be fun, dude.
02:01:02.000 They'll probably appreciate the fuck out of the show.
02:01:04.000 It's minor league baseball stadiums.
02:01:05.000 It's cool.
02:01:06.000 It's going to be wild, dude.
02:01:07.000 I bet it is.
02:01:08.000 You know what's nice about the minor league baseball stadiums?
02:01:09.000 It's a genius move. 1.00
02:01:10.000 Yeah, fuck the corporations. 1.00
02:01:11.000 He's doing it on his own. 1.00
02:01:12.000 Oh, yeah. 0.99
02:01:13.000 The gear you'll get, you'll get the fucking South Bend Twisters. 0.99
02:01:16.000 And they have cool t-shirts. 1.00
02:01:17.000 All that shit. 0.99
02:01:18.000 The Staten Island Bagels was a good one for a while. 1.00
02:01:20.000 Oh, really?
02:01:21.000 How many seats do you think he's doing in these places?
02:01:23.000 A minor league baseball stadium?
02:01:25.000 Five, six, seven thousand?
02:01:26.000 No, it's probably like...
02:01:27.000 Is he filling it up?
02:01:28.000 If you do a good minor league baseball stadium, it's probably like fifteen thousand.
02:01:33.000 But you can do the seats, too.
02:01:35.000 You put like folding chairs on the ground.
02:01:38.000 He says he has four hundred thousand to sell.
02:01:40.000 That's what he said.
02:01:41.000 How much?
02:01:41.000 Four hundred thousand.
02:01:42.000 Divided by what?
02:01:43.000 Eight?
02:01:43.000 Nine.
02:01:44.000 Divided by nine.
02:01:45.000 Wow.
02:01:46.000 So that's the total.
02:01:47.000 I'm not even close to that, Matt.
02:01:50.000 That's incredible.
02:01:52.000 That's incredible.
02:01:53.000 Good for him.
02:01:54.000 I'm so happy he's doing this.
02:01:56.000 He's that guy.
02:01:57.000 He just figures out.
02:01:58.000 As soon as COVID happened, he was like, can't form indoors.
02:02:01.000 He goes, I will perform.
02:02:03.000 He's the one who got the drive-in movie theater. 1.00
02:02:05.000 And people shit on him. 0.98
02:02:05.000 And it worked out. 0.98
02:02:06.000 And then his agent gave it to fucking everybody else. 0.97
02:02:08.000 Jesse and I was on my podcast and Eliza claimed that she invented it on the podcast. 0.98
02:02:14.000 He's like, no, you were given it by Burt's manager.
02:02:17.000 Is that what happened?
02:02:18.000 Yeah. 0.99
02:02:19.000 He was like, why are you telling all the other clients to do my shit? 1.00
02:02:23.000 I gotta stop hating. 1.00
02:02:24.000 I saw Sebastian at the garden last week.
02:02:26.000 It was unbelievable.
02:02:27.000 I was never like a...
02:02:28.000 Why didn't you stop hating?
02:02:28.000 Well, I was always hating.
02:02:30.000 Like, who's this guy?
02:02:31.000 Where is he coming from?
02:02:31.000 What's his thing?
02:02:32.000 It's the same thing I was saying.
02:02:33.000 Like, with Bert, when he takes his shirt off, as comedians, you're like, oh, please.
02:02:38.000 And then you see it live.
02:02:39.000 So he gets introed.
02:02:41.000 Hardest pop I've ever heard.
02:02:42.000 And then he takes his shirt off after the intro, and it's the first hardest pop I've ever heard. 0.99
02:02:49.000 And dude, I'm sitting up there like, what the fuck? 0.98
02:02:53.000 People are in the audience like, ah! 0.99
02:02:57.000 It's an event.
02:02:57.000 He's the Jimmy Buffett of comedy.
02:02:59.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
02:03:00.000 You're there to drink, have a good time.
02:03:01.000 Yeah, no one's sober, right?
02:03:05.000 No.
02:03:05.000 No.
02:03:06.000 Why would they be sober for that?
02:03:07.000 No.
02:03:07.000 It's fun.
02:03:07.000 It's the whole thing.
02:03:08.000 It's like you get fucked up, you talk about, and he's, yeah. 0.99
02:03:11.000 The machine! 1.00
02:03:12.000 They're going nuts.
02:03:13.000 He has to say that.
02:03:14.000 And then he hits the machine.
02:03:16.000 He's not still doing it, is he?
02:03:17.000 Oh, he has to.
02:03:18.000 Dude, it's the encore.
02:03:19.000 It's in the contract.
02:03:19.000 They want to see it.
02:03:20.000 At the end, he hits the fucking beginning of it where he's like, so I studied Russian in college. 0.98
02:03:25.000 And he leads like a subtle, like, yeah, I studied Russian in college. 0.99
02:03:29.000 And the whole place is like, here it comes!
02:03:32.000 That all came out of him telling that story on the podcast.
02:03:35.000 Is that right?
02:03:36.000 Yeah.
02:03:36.000 It's so weird.
02:03:37.000 The assumption of like, oh, they've seen it already.
02:03:39.000 I can't do it again.
02:03:39.000 He did.
02:03:40.000 That story on the podcast and I told him, dude, you gotta do that on stage.
02:03:43.000 He's like, really?
02:03:43.000 I go, 100%.
02:03:44.000 I go, it's a hilarious story.
02:03:46.000 You gotta do that story on stage.
02:03:47.000 So he starts telling it on stage.
02:03:49.000 Murders.
02:03:50.000 Now he can't get away from it.
02:03:51.000 It's like 10 years ago.
02:03:53.000 It's still murders?
02:03:54.000 Oh, yeah.
02:03:55.000 It's a classic.
02:03:56.000 It's Freebird.
02:03:56.000 It's Freebird.
02:03:57.000 Yeah, it's Freebird.
02:03:58.000 It really is.
02:03:58.000 What a good way.
02:03:59.000 Dude, you wish you had a story where you could be like- But do you? 0.99
02:04:03.000 Yeah, but like an encore type thing where at the end of a show, you're doing a fucking arena and you're like, alright, hey, it's such an easy walk-off, like kill. 0.83
02:04:12.000 I shifted on this idea when I was, me and Diaz were doing a gig in St. Louis together a long time ago, and I was out in the crowd while he was on, behind people, like outside.
02:04:21.000 And he started in some story, and I forget what it was, but they were like, oh, he's doing the so-and-so story.
02:04:25.000 They weren't like, I've seen this.
02:04:26.000 They were like, oh, this is awesome.
02:04:28.000 He's doing the story, I know.
02:04:29.000 Yeah, like when Dice used to do the nursery rhymes.
02:04:32.000 They knew the nursery rhymes, but they still got pumped.
02:04:35.000 They sang along with him.
02:04:37.000 He was doing it at the gardens.
02:04:38.000 I opened for him at Rock on the Range.
02:04:40.000 Dice?
02:04:41.000 Yeah. 1.00
02:04:41.000 And he was, you know, he was fucking with me. 1.00
02:04:44.000 I go up to him, I'm opening. 0.99
02:04:46.000 So I was like, hey, how much time do you want me to do?
02:04:47.000 He goes, you want a photo?
02:04:48.000 And I go, no, no, I just, you know, just let me know how much time and I'll get out of your hair.
02:04:52.000 He goes, come here, give me your phone.
02:04:54.000 And he takes a photo.
02:04:56.000 And at the time I was like, is this guy out of it?
02:04:58.000 But he was obviously, you know...
02:04:59.000 He's always having fun.
02:05:00.000 Dicking me around, yeah.
02:05:01.000 And then... 0.99
02:05:02.000 Good Charlotte, or one of these fucked up bands, was headlining the fest. 0.98
02:05:07.000 And they saw him in the wings, and they go, get out here! 0.99
02:05:10.000 And he did the nursery, and the whole arena, 20,000 people did it with him in unison.
02:05:15.000 Columbus.
02:05:16.000 I got chills. 1.00
02:05:16.000 Holy shit. 1.00
02:05:17.000 Wow. 1.00
02:05:17.000 It was incredible. 1.00
02:05:18.000 Wow.
02:05:19.000 Yeah, it's funny.
02:05:20.000 It's funny.
02:05:22.000 It's like Stone Cold music.
02:05:25.000 Exactly.
02:05:28.000 When you see something you remember when you were a kid, it's over.
02:05:31.000 I went to see David Byrne on Broadway.
02:05:32.000 I'm sorry to cut you off.
02:05:33.000 Yeah, go ahead.
02:05:34.000 And it was when he did like the, how did we get here? 0.99
02:05:36.000 I just start fucking crying. 0.98
02:05:38.000 Bro, this happened to me this past weekend. 0.99
02:05:41.000 So my buddy...
02:05:42.000 There he is.
02:05:42.000 My buddy was pumped.
02:05:44.000 Lemaire was fired. 1.00
02:05:46.000 He was like, it's fucking Wrestlemania weekend. 1.00
02:05:48.000 We were getting fucked up. 1.00
02:05:49.000 And I was like, shut up about Wrestlemania. 1.00
02:05:51.000 You're a fucking old virgin. 1.00
02:05:53.000 And then he was getting pumped about it. 1.00
02:05:56.000 We started watching YouTube videos of Wrestlemania. 0.99
02:05:59.000 Instantly I was like, oh shit, I remember that. 0.97
02:06:01.000 Because I watched it as a kid. 0.99
02:06:03.000 Nostalgia strong.
02:06:04.000 Battle Royal with Mr. T. Bro, then I watched Wrestlemania this weekend.
02:06:08.000 You went to it or just watched it?
02:06:09.000 No, I just watched it.
02:06:10.000 It was on Peacock.
02:06:10.000 I watched it.
02:06:11.000 Stone Cold came out at the end.
02:06:13.000 I almost cried.
02:06:15.000 I was sitting with my girlfriend and the music went off and I was literally like...
02:06:21.000 It's in there, dude.
02:06:23.000 I felt like I was in fifth grade trying to stay awake to watch Monday Night Raw.
02:06:28.000 Did your girl mock you? 0.74
02:06:30.000 No, she was like, wrestling's fun to watch. 1.00
02:06:32.000 She was happy he got in touch with his emotions.
02:06:34.000 She's a keeper.
02:06:34.000 He stunners McAfee.
02:06:35.000 Is that the fucking punter? 1.00
02:06:36.000 That's Pat McAfee, dude. 1.00
02:06:38.000 Pat McAfee.
02:06:38.000 Wow.
02:06:39.000 This guy's incredible, dude.
02:06:41.000 McAfee, I heard, killed it. 0.97
02:06:42.000 McAfee killed it. 0.99
02:06:43.000 Logan Paul killed it. 1.00
02:06:44.000 Dude, this was the coolest shit. 1.00
02:06:46.000 That is so wild. 1.00
02:06:47.000 Look at the crowd.
02:06:48.000 It's so fun.
02:06:49.000 They're all chucking beers at him.
02:06:50.000 Oh, he dropped when he's losing his edge.
02:06:52.000 No, anytime he drops one, he just lets it go.
02:06:55.000 Oh, wow.
02:06:56.000 Yeah.
02:06:57.000 So what are they doing?
02:06:58.000 They're drinking beers together?
02:06:59.000 Yeah, they chug his beers.
02:07:00.000 Are these real beers, you think?
02:07:01.000 Those are his beers.
02:07:02.000 Yeah, they're his beers.
02:07:03.000 He has his own beer?
02:07:04.000 Yeah.
02:07:04.000 What kind of beer is it?
02:07:05.000 Stone Cold beer? 1.00
02:07:06.000 Damn, like a Rappaport. 1.00
02:07:07.000 There's the starter, dude. 1.00
02:07:09.000 Oh, the starter!
02:07:10.000 Oh, good for them! 0.99
02:07:12.000 You could have been killed. 0.56
02:07:13.000 And you know what's fun about wrestling? 0.68
02:07:14.000 The coolest thing, and I was thinking about it, is...
02:07:18.000 You look at the crowd, it is diverse, which is the funniest thing.
02:07:22.000 Really?
02:07:22.000 That's the craziest part.
02:07:23.000 You watch it.
02:07:24.000 Are there any PhDs?
02:07:24.000 Are there any scholars?
02:07:26.000 Are there any academics?
02:07:28.000 I'm sure there are.
02:07:29.000 Yeah, because you have the idea that it's all rednecks, but it's like, no, no, Dan Soder loves wrestling.
02:07:33.000 Michael Che loves wrestling.
02:07:35.000 Pinchcliffe's a giant wrestling.
02:07:37.000 Ron Funches does pro wrestling.
02:07:40.000 There's a steady stream of dudes without dads that love it. 0.99
02:07:43.000 If you don't have a dad growing up, you're raised by dudes being like, you better fucking study. 0.99
02:07:52.000 Wow, I never thought of that. 0.99
02:07:55.000 Oh yeah, they were raised by it.
02:07:56.000 You need a male role model. 1.00
02:07:57.000 Oh shit, that's it. 1.00
02:07:59.000 And they're the most male role. 1.00
02:08:01.000 They're perfect, dude.
02:08:02.000 They're so masculine.
02:08:03.000 Yeah, super masculine.
02:08:04.000 They wear costumes.
02:08:05.000 And they always defend a woman that's always like a through line. 0.61
02:08:08.000 Yeah.
02:08:09.000 They're on steroids. 0.79
02:08:12.000 They die.
02:08:13.000 I got into a fight with Piper one time.
02:08:16.000 Roddy Piper?
02:08:16.000 Yeah.
02:08:17.000 What?
02:08:17.000 We staged a fight at the improv.
02:08:18.000 I dishonored the reputation of a young porn star.
02:08:22.000 And I was like, that's embarrassing.
02:08:23.000 And he comes busting out of the room.
02:08:25.000 He's like, you take that back. 1.00
02:08:26.000 And I'm like, or what, bitch? 1.00
02:08:27.000 And he's like, he taught me how to slap him. 1.00
02:08:29.000 He's like, slap me in the face. 0.92
02:08:31.000 I'm like, I won't. 0.81
02:08:31.000 This is it right here? 0.81
02:08:32.000 What?
02:08:32.000 Give me the first Will Smith.
02:08:35.000 From the beginning.
02:08:36.000 From the beginning.
02:08:39.000 Look at Pre-Conspiracy Theory Tripoli.
02:08:52.000 Is that Dana DiArma?
02:08:54.000 I think it's Dana DiArma.
02:08:55.000 Oh, she was fun. 0.98
02:08:57.000 She's a fun girl.
02:08:58.000 She's always hanging around me.
02:08:59.000 She's cool.
02:09:00.000 Very cool.
02:09:01.000 I'm sure she was cool as hell.
02:09:02.000 Dated Yusuf for a while.
02:09:03.000 Yeah, I was jealous. 1.00
02:09:06.000 What the fuck is wrong with you, you little dick motherfucker? 1.00
02:09:09.000 Whoa! 1.00
02:09:09.000 That's a dream right there. 1.00
02:09:11.000 Did you say one thing?
02:09:11.000 No!
02:09:12.000 You saved your fucking match. 1.00
02:09:13.000 Yeah! 1.00
02:09:14.000 Roll game!
02:09:15.000 Roll game!
02:09:15.000 Can I say one thing?
02:09:22.000 Oh, this is great!
02:09:24.000 Oh, this is hilarious.
02:09:25.000 Good for you, Ari. 1.00
02:09:28.000 Damn, that's awful. 1.00
02:09:30.000 He played the piano with my head. 1.00
02:09:32.000 This is a hate crime.
02:09:34.000 Oh, this is hilarious.
02:09:35.000 This is not happening. 0.98
02:09:36.000 He's humping you from behind. 1.00
02:09:40.000 He's going to pull his dick out of it. 1.00
02:09:41.000 He's going to beat you with his belt. 1.00
02:09:45.000 How bad did that hurt?
02:09:47.000 Those ain't hurt.
02:09:49.000 This is what he taught me.
02:09:50.000 He goes, hey, you gotta flail your arms if I'm hitting you, because if you don't, it won't look real, and if you don't, I have to hurt you. 0.97
02:09:58.000 Oh my god.
02:09:59.000 Dude, because I've been talking about wrestling and all that, my algorithm now is starting to get into wrestling.
02:10:05.000 Look, last thing I need is to get into wrestling.
02:10:08.000 No, no, no.
02:10:09.000 What, are you thinking about getting into wrestling?
02:10:10.000 No, no, no, no.
02:10:11.000 But it is fun to watch, dude.
02:10:13.000 It's fun to watch.
02:10:14.000 Then why wouldn't you get into it?
02:10:16.000 I know where this path leads, dude.
02:10:18.000 I've seen the dudes into wrestling.
02:10:20.000 Where's the lead?
02:10:20.000 You could maybe break the mold.
02:10:22.000 No, he's the mold.
02:10:24.000 I have the mold.
02:10:26.000 If you got into astrology, you would break the mold.
02:10:29.000 I can't imagine something that I like that I don't get into.
02:10:33.000 Well, no, I don't...
02:10:34.000 Look, I don't...
02:10:36.000 Anyway, there's a video on Twitter where you see the dudes actually like...
02:10:40.000 Because it's improvised.
02:10:42.000 You don't know that.
02:10:43.000 In the ring, it's improvised.
02:10:44.000 No, I think it's pretty choreographed.
02:10:47.000 No, they improvise.
02:10:48.000 Yeah, they know who's going to win and what's going to happen, but they improvise on the spot.
02:10:52.000 They'll be grappling, and somebody made a video of them, what they say to each other, and they're like, Throw me in the turnbuckle elbow.
02:10:59.000 And they do it just like that.
02:11:01.000 And they know all the moves, so they say it.
02:11:03.000 They're like, suplex.
02:11:04.000 And the guy will just do it on the spot.
02:11:06.000 It's crazy.
02:11:07.000 That is impressive. 1.00
02:11:08.000 What a fucking punishment their bodies take. 1.00
02:11:10.000 It's insane. 1.00
02:11:12.000 Dude, I was backstage with Colt Cabana in Edinburgh.
02:11:14.000 They used to do it every once a week in Edinburgh.
02:11:16.000 They would do a show.
02:11:17.000 And, um... 0.99
02:11:19.000 Some guy came out and got in the way of a two-on-two, and then I'm backstage and everyone's like, what the fuck are you doing? 1.00
02:11:24.000 We had a six-week fucking thing planned, and you fucking ruined it! 1.00
02:11:28.000 And we're all just like, what is this? 0.99
02:11:29.000 They have all these long-term storylines they set up.
02:11:33.000 The guy ruined the storyline?
02:11:34.000 Yeah, he was like, I was just, I thought I could just, he's like, yeah, you thought! 1.00
02:11:37.000 That's your fucking problem! 1.00
02:11:39.000 You think we needed your fucking help? 1.00
02:11:40.000 It was crazy. 1.00
02:11:41.000 It was so cool to be backstage in that. 0.97
02:11:43.000 The wild thing is to watch them, like, they'll put a guy through a table or off the fucking thing, and the second they land, the guy goes, are you alright? 0.92
02:11:49.000 And the guy's either like, yeah, bro, or, like, sometimes they're like, no. 0.98
02:11:53.000 Like, I just got fucked up, and they're like, we gotta finish this. 0.95
02:11:56.000 There's one video with, like, The Undertaker and some guy, and he was like, are you okay? 0.92
02:12:00.000 And the guy's like, no, but you gotta do the Tombstone.
02:12:03.000 Like, he says it. 0.99
02:12:04.000 So the guy's fucked up, he probably broke his ribs or his knee. 1.00
02:12:07.000 What a pro. 0.99
02:12:08.000 And he's like, you gotta do the Tombstone, even though I'm fucked up, so he picks him up. 0.99
02:12:12.000 It's crazy. 0.98
02:12:12.000 Dude, I had, when we had The Undertaker on, he talked about his eyeballs getting shattered. 0.98
02:12:18.000 What?
02:12:19.000 His orbital got shattered.
02:12:20.000 He had to get it replaced twice.
02:12:22.000 Two different orbitals. 0.92
02:12:23.000 One of them, a guy does this thing where he falls back and, like, lands with his ass on his face, and it shattered his orbital.
02:12:31.000 So he had to get, like, mesh put in there. 0.96
02:12:33.000 He couldn't move his eye. 0.99
02:12:33.000 And he had to complete the fucking wrestling match. 0.99
02:12:36.000 Yeah, dude. 1.00
02:12:36.000 Wow. 1.00
02:12:37.000 I was in Montreal doing my storytelling show, and either the big show or Mankind, one of those guys who does stand-up sometimes now.
02:12:42.000 Mankind.
02:12:43.000 Mankind.
02:12:43.000 And he finished, just a fun story, you know, and then I was like, anyone who thinks wrestling is fake, watch this guy take these two steps down the stage.
02:12:50.000 And it was so...
02:12:51.000 Yo.
02:12:52.000 Mankind was like the guy. 1.00
02:12:54.000 Like, he got fucked up. 1.00
02:12:56.000 Foley, too. 1.00
02:12:57.000 It was another one.
02:12:57.000 Foley.
02:12:57.000 It was Foley.
02:12:58.000 Yeah, it's Mick Foley.
02:12:59.000 That's Mankind.
02:12:59.000 Oh, sorry.
02:13:00.000 I was in...
02:13:01.000 I mean, that's Dude Love, Cactus Jack.
02:13:04.000 I was in Toronto and I was doing that weed show.
02:13:06.000 Remember that weed show that was downstairs?
02:13:08.000 Do you guys ever do the Comedy Underground in Toronto?
02:13:11.000 It's done now, I think.
02:13:12.000 It's done?
02:13:13.000 It was a weed show.
02:13:14.000 You go there, everybody was smoking weed.
02:13:15.000 There was no air in the room.
02:13:17.000 It was all just weed.
02:13:17.000 It was crazy.
02:13:18.000 People would pass out once every three shows from greening out.
02:13:21.000 I did a weed show.
02:13:21.000 There was so much weed.
02:13:23.000 What did you say it was?
02:13:24.000 Toronto.
02:13:24.000 Yeah, I did a Wii show in Toronto.
02:13:25.000 It was in the back of a bong show. 0.97
02:13:26.000 Yes.
02:13:27.000 Bong shop.
02:13:27.000 I just did it.
02:13:28.000 Did you go to the bong shop?
02:13:29.000 Two years ago.
02:13:30.000 It's a different room.
02:13:31.000 Oh, okay.
02:13:31.000 There's a few rooms, but this was the best one.
02:13:33.000 So anyway, Iron Sheik was in the crowd by some stranger.
02:13:36.000 So he walks up on stage with me and starts talking to me while I'm on.
02:13:40.000 Oh, here we go. 1.00
02:13:41.000 Talking shit? 1.00
02:13:41.000 Oh, yeah, that's it. 1.00
02:13:42.000 He had to walk with a cane, man. 1.00
02:13:44.000 He was really fucked up. 1.00
02:13:45.000 Yeah. 1.00
02:13:45.000 He likes comedy. 1.00
02:13:46.000 He's done some roasts, I think. 0.99
02:13:47.000 Joe looks a little retarded there. 1.00
02:13:49.000 No, I look fine. 0.98
02:13:50.000 Anytime you're around a wrestler, it actually brings it out.
02:13:54.000 Anytime you see a wrestler you're like...
02:13:56.000 What is he saying?
02:13:57.000 Nice to meet you.
02:14:07.000 But I want to ask Joe Rogan, what is the toughest sport in the Olympics?
02:14:13.000 Freestyle, Greco-Roman, or UFC? The toughest sport in the Olympics is freestyle wrestling, sir.
02:14:23.000 Absolutely!
02:14:27.000 Because he knows what he's talking and he knows how to watch it!
02:14:33.000 Anyway, Is he still alive?
02:14:35.000 Yeah.
02:14:36.000 He's tweeting.
02:14:37.000 He's tweeting. 0.99
02:14:39.000 His tweets are fucking hilarious. 1.00
02:14:40.000 He was crazy. 1.00
02:14:43.000 Did he wrestle?
02:14:45.000 Oh my god.
02:14:46.000 Iron Sheik? 0.96
02:14:46.000 With Iran or something. 0.96
02:14:48.000 Oh yeah, he was a legit Amateur wrestler.
02:14:50.000 He played...
02:14:51.000 Oh, that kind of wrestling.
02:14:52.000 Yeah, real wrestling.
02:14:53.000 He didn't just do that.
02:14:54.000 He used to do those shield casts with those giant clubs.
02:14:58.000 You know those workout clubs? 0.99
02:15:01.000 The Iranian ones are these big, giant, wooden clubs that are heavy as fuck. 1.00
02:15:06.000 And he would do these workouts that are really hard to do. 0.99
02:15:08.000 These giant clubs.
02:15:10.000 So he was a legit guy.
02:15:12.000 What's his name?
02:15:13.000 Gable?
02:15:15.000 Look at these clubs.
02:15:16.000 This is his thing.
02:15:17.000 Other guys couldn't do it.
02:15:18.000 They would try to do his clubs, and this was part of the gag.
02:15:22.000 The Iron Sheik would go, try to do my clubs. 0.99
02:15:25.000 It's so funny because he's actually Jewish. 0.85
02:15:27.000 Is he?
02:15:27.000 Yeah, he's a Persian Jew.
02:15:29.000 Oh, that's hilarious.
02:15:30.000 And he calls himself Iranian.
02:15:31.000 No one is in showbiz.
02:15:32.000 Look, he's got the curly tips of the toes.
02:15:35.000 Oh, yeah.
02:15:36.000 So this is Precious Paul trying to do the Iron Sheik's clubs. 0.93
02:15:40.000 Is that Logan Paul's dad?
02:15:43.000 He's pulling it off. 1.00
02:15:44.000 He's pretty fucking jacked. 1.00
02:15:46.000 Jesus Christ, he's jacked. 1.00
02:15:48.000 He works out.
02:15:49.000 You think so? 1.00
02:15:52.000 When the Iron Sheik does it, watch how effortlessly he moves these giant ass fucking clubs. 1.00
02:15:56.000 The guy was, in his prime, he was a tank of a man. 1.00
02:16:00.000 Like a real legit, look, he wipes them all down and shit. 0.98
02:16:02.000 So he's doing the circles. 0.97
02:16:04.000 That's the shield cast.
02:16:06.000 The other guy was just going up and back.
02:16:08.000 Good podcast name.
02:16:09.000 That is so hard to do with things as heavy as that.
02:16:13.000 The crowd's my favorite, dude.
02:16:14.000 Look at the lady that looks exactly like me. 1.00
02:16:17.000 The old lady with the glasses next to the cowboy hat. 0.93
02:16:20.000 Look at the old lady with the glasses next to the guy with the cowboy hat. 0.99
02:16:22.000 There's Hinchcliffe on the left.
02:16:25.000 I'm waiting for something fun to happen.
02:16:27.000 Right now, this isn't fun.
02:16:28.000 He's just working out.
02:16:29.000 That's really hard.
02:16:30.000 A lot of women there. 1.00
02:16:31.000 A lot of women, you're right. 1.00
02:16:32.000 So he's just loosely put.
02:16:35.000 Doing it longer? 0.96
02:16:36.000 Look at the guy with the fucking right next to his left shoulder that looks like a young Howard Stern. 0.98
02:16:43.000 That's weird. 0.98
02:16:44.000 Precious Paul's just trying to figure out how long can he do that. 0.91
02:16:47.000 Black people. 0.86
02:16:48.000 Black people. 0.66
02:16:48.000 Where? 0.66
02:16:49.000 Oh, yeah.
02:16:49.000 All over, dude.
02:16:50.000 Black people love wrestling, too.
02:16:51.000 Yeah, they do. 0.89
02:16:52.000 It's crazy.
02:16:53.000 This is the early 80s.
02:16:54.000 See how Precious Paul's doing it? 1.00
02:16:55.000 That's a bullshit way to do it. 0.99
02:16:57.000 He doesn't have the role. 1.00
02:16:59.000 And then they wrestle afterwards?
02:17:00.000 Is that what happens?
02:17:00.000 How much weight is that, you think?
02:17:06.000 Son of a bitch. 1.00
02:17:07.000 That's what the fun part about wrestling is. 1.00
02:17:09.000 He's like, oh, you motherfucker. 1.00
02:17:11.000 Of course he was going to do that. 1.00
02:17:12.000 Of course he was going to do that.
02:17:14.000 So he was a Persian Jew?
02:17:16.000 Persian Jew.
02:17:17.000 Well, that's from Iran.
02:17:19.000 Yeah, a lot of Persia's. 1.00
02:17:20.000 There you go.
02:17:21.000 He just played a role.
02:17:22.000 That's what Persia is. 0.88
02:17:23.000 How was Logan Paul as a wrestler?
02:17:26.000 Dude, it was so good.
02:17:26.000 I'm sure he's great.
02:17:27.000 Yeah?
02:17:28.000 He's gonna be a wrestler.
02:17:29.000 Oh, he should be.
02:17:30.000 He's a star.
02:17:31.000 He's a star.
02:17:32.000 Yeah, he's a star.
02:17:33.000 His podcast is actually really good.
02:17:35.000 Yeah?
02:17:35.000 Really?
02:17:36.000 The Dana White episode.
02:17:37.000 Are you trying to get on it or something?
02:17:37.000 Well, no, the Dana White episode.
02:17:39.000 I listened to the whole thing.
02:17:39.000 I listened to a clip.
02:17:40.000 He had Dana on?
02:17:41.000 Yeah, and it's great.
02:17:42.000 It's an amazing pod episode.
02:17:45.000 Give it a listen. 1.00
02:17:46.000 He's done a lot of shit, man. 0.99
02:17:47.000 I mean, you gotta give the guys props. 1.00
02:17:48.000 He's not lazy.
02:17:49.000 He fought Floyd Mayweather in a boxing match.
02:17:51.000 I don't care if he's 50 pounds heavier than Floyd Mayweather. 0.99
02:17:53.000 It's still Floyd fucking Mayweather. 0.99
02:17:55.000 Yeah, it's crazy. 0.99
02:17:56.000 Look at that.
02:17:56.000 Yeah, dude.
02:17:57.000 He was doing splits and shit. 0.97
02:17:59.000 That was pretty impressive. 0.99
02:18:00.000 Look at that.
02:18:01.000 Oh, Lucha Libre. 1.00
02:18:03.000 Damn, he's a fucking athlete. 1.00
02:18:04.000 Look at that flexibility. 1.00
02:18:06.000 Yeah, he was...
02:18:07.000 Is that a real Lucha Libre thing?
02:18:08.000 Or is that just in WrestleMania?
02:18:10.000 Yeah, yeah.
02:18:10.000 Is that like in Mexico?
02:18:11.000 I had no idea he was that flexible.
02:18:13.000 That's crazy.
02:18:16.000 Wow.
02:18:16.000 Yeah, good for him.
02:18:18.000 You ever see D'Elia make up with him?
02:18:20.000 Make up?
02:18:21.000 Yeah, because him and D'Elia used to go at it, and he's like, hey, whatever I said before, the guy's a star, forget it.
02:18:26.000 Oh, wow.
02:18:27.000 I was wrong.
02:18:27.000 Wow, what did D'Elia used to say about him?
02:18:29.000 He used to just be like, fuck this idiot, fuck this kid who's like an influencer. 1.00
02:18:33.000 Yeah, that was easy to do, though. 1.00
02:18:35.000 I was wrong, this guy's awesome. 1.00
02:18:37.000 Him and his brother are fucking animals. 0.99
02:18:39.000 I mean, what they've been able to do is incredible. 1.00
02:18:41.000 His brother knocked out Tyron Woodley.
02:18:43.000 Hard.
02:18:43.000 Do you understand that?
02:18:44.000 With one punch.
02:18:45.000 That's crazy.
02:18:46.000 He knocked out one of the greatest...
02:18:48.000 He was like a vicious striker.
02:18:50.000 He's not a wrestler.
02:18:51.000 He's a striker.
02:18:52.000 Well, he was a wrestler.
02:18:53.000 He just had a lot of power. 0.99
02:18:55.000 But the fact that he knocked out one of the greatest welterweight champions of all time with one punch is fucking bonkers. 0.98
02:19:02.000 And it was... 0.97
02:19:03.000 Watch this.
02:19:04.000 Watch this.
02:19:04.000 Oh, I did see that.
02:19:05.000 Okay, Jake. 0.99
02:19:07.000 That sucks being sponsored by Dude Wipes. 1.00
02:19:09.000 Come the fuck on. 1.00
02:19:10.000 When you get knocked out, all of a sudden the sponsors are kind of embarrassing, and you're showing that sponsorship. 0.99
02:19:17.000 Dude Wipes.
02:19:17.000 He's like, couldn't you fall backwards?
02:19:19.000 Faceplant with Dude Wipes in your butt. 1.00
02:19:20.000 See, he's got the power out of the two of them. 1.00
02:19:23.000 He's got the power.
02:19:24.000 Logan is a really good athlete, but he's not as good of a boxer.
02:19:28.000 But Jake Paul, on top of being a better boxer, he's got legit power.
02:19:32.000 He sleeps people.
02:19:34.000 Look at this.
02:19:35.000 Ooh, he dropped that lift.
02:19:37.000 Bro, that is faceplant.
02:19:39.000 That's out cold.
02:19:40.000 And that's Tyron Woodley.
02:19:42.000 That's like one of the greatest welterweight champions ever.
02:19:44.000 He didn't even seem surprised he did it.
02:19:46.000 He walked away like, that's what I was going for.
02:19:49.000 Great wide hope.
02:19:51.000 Ooh, he lifted wide open.
02:19:52.000 Joe, what did he do there?
02:19:53.000 Go block the stomach? 0.96
02:19:54.000 He thought he was going to the body.
02:19:55.000 Yeah, he thought he was going to the body.
02:19:56.000 And he thought he was going to drop his hand down to stop the body shot.
02:19:59.000 Because I think he probably went to the body just before that.
02:20:01.000 He set him up.
02:20:03.000 So he even dips like he's gonna hit the body and then he goes over the top.
02:20:06.000 See how he did that?
02:20:07.000 Amazing.
02:20:08.000 Amazing.
02:20:09.000 So he dipped like he was ripping to the body.
02:20:10.000 How do you protect that otherwise?
02:20:12.000 Drop the right to protect? 1.00
02:20:13.000 You gotta get the fuck out of there. 1.00
02:20:14.000 Get the fuck out of there and put your hands up. 1.00
02:20:16.000 The thing is like Tyron was not conditioned for this fight because he took it on fairly short notice. 1.00
02:20:22.000 It wasn't that much.
02:20:22.000 He was supposed to fight someone else.
02:20:25.000 Who was he supposed to fight?
02:20:27.000 Tommy Fury, and then he backed out.
02:20:29.000 Yeah, that's right.
02:20:30.000 Something happened to Tommy Fury.
02:20:32.000 He had to get out.
02:20:33.000 And then Tyron took it on just a few weeks notice.
02:20:36.000 And there's no way he was conditioned for that fight.
02:20:38.000 So when you're not fully camp-conditioned, you take breaks. 0.96
02:20:42.000 When you're in the fight, there's times where maybe you should move, and you go, I'm just going to take a fucking break here.
02:20:48.000 And you're trying to gather up your energy, and you manage it over the course of the three minutes.
02:20:53.000 You can't just go out. 0.97
02:20:54.000 If you see a fighter like Manny Pacquiao, when he's in his prime, And he's fucking supremely conditioned. 0.87
02:21:02.000 There's no thought about conserving energy. 0.99
02:21:05.000 Man, he's just thinking about how to fuck you up. 1.00
02:21:07.000 He's just thinking about how to fuck you up because his conditioning is off the charts. 1.00
02:21:10.000 I mean, he's not sprinting. 0.99
02:21:11.000 He's conserving some energy, but that's not his primary concern.
02:21:14.000 His primary concern is just hitting you.
02:21:16.000 When a guy gets to a point where You know, most likely he's not training every day hard when he doesn't have a fight schedule.
02:21:23.000 Then he gets a fight schedule and it's only two weeks notice.
02:21:25.000 You can kind of get in shape in two weeks, but not like the kind of shape you need to be able to fight in.
02:21:31.000 So he was taking a break.
02:21:32.000 Because he also must have thought, like, it's not.
02:21:35.000 An MMA guy.
02:21:36.000 It's appalled.
02:21:36.000 He already fought him.
02:21:37.000 He fought him and lost.
02:21:39.000 But there were moments in that first fight where when Tyron would turn it on, he was the better fighter.
02:21:45.000 It would have been a different fight if Tyron had the time to prepare.
02:21:48.000 I guarantee you.
02:21:49.000 I guarantee you.
02:21:50.000 Because he would have more conditioning, more confidence to hit the gas.
02:21:54.000 If you don't have a full camp, you still are in shape. 1.00
02:21:58.000 You're a fucking professional athlete. 1.00
02:22:00.000 He's still a fucking stud of a man. 1.00
02:22:02.000 But he doesn't have the kind of conditioning that you need to go a hard fight. 0.99
02:22:07.000 You condition your body.
02:22:09.000 Three minutes hard work, one minute rest.
02:22:12.000 Three minutes hard work, one minute rest.
02:22:13.000 World work, plyometrics.
02:22:15.000 You get conditioned.
02:22:17.000 There's no way he was conditioned for that fight.
02:22:18.000 But that's part of their attack, is I think people underestimate.
02:22:21.000 And that's how they kind of get an edge on it.
02:22:24.000 Everybody, the wrestler guy, the real wrestler, whatever his name was, who got knocked out.
02:22:28.000 Askren?
02:22:29.000 Askren.
02:22:29.000 All these guys are like, whatever, you're nothing.
02:22:31.000 And it's like, guys are actually working hard. 0.99
02:22:33.000 I actually think Askren didn't give a fuck. 0.99
02:22:36.000 Yeah, he looked doughy. 0.99
02:22:39.000 Listen, Askren had a hip replacement.
02:22:42.000 He took the fight after a hip replacement.
02:22:44.000 And not that long after a hip replacement.
02:22:46.000 There's no way he was in shape for that fight.
02:22:48.000 He got paid!
02:22:49.000 He lost and he was like, so?
02:22:51.000 Oh, yeah, yeah.
02:22:52.000 Smart guy.
02:22:53.000 Askren is a very smart guy.
02:22:54.000 Askren's awesome.
02:22:55.000 And he's funny.
02:22:55.000 Very smart guy.
02:22:56.000 Yeah, he is funny.
02:22:57.000 Does Tyron really make more in those two fights than his whole UFC career?
02:23:00.000 Supposedly.
02:23:00.000 Most likely.
02:23:01.000 Wow.
02:23:01.000 That's what he said.
02:23:02.000 Wow.
02:23:02.000 That's what he said.
02:23:03.000 Yeah.
02:23:04.000 I don't know what the number is.
02:23:05.000 Wow.
02:23:05.000 See, I like those, Paul, because it's kind of like the YouTube comics.
02:23:09.000 He offered Chris Rock and Will Smith $40 million.
02:23:12.000 Who did?
02:23:13.000 Paul?
02:23:13.000 Jake Paul did.
02:23:14.000 Chris Rock's like, I don't care about Will Smith.
02:23:16.000 Well, even if he did, Chris Rock is very small.
02:23:20.000 It's not fair.
02:23:20.000 The difference is like 60 pounds.
02:23:22.000 He never trained to play the greatest boxer of all time.
02:23:25.000 Right!
02:23:26.000 Put up Will Smith as Muhammad Ali. 1.00
02:23:29.000 Dude, Will Smith is a fucking athlete. 0.99
02:23:32.000 When he was playing Muhammad Ali, it was one of those rare moments. 1.00
02:23:35.000 There's like a few guys that have pulled it off.
02:23:38.000 Daniel Day-Lewis did it great in the boxer.
02:23:43.000 Mark Wahlberg did it great in the fighter when he played Mickey Ward.
02:23:47.000 He did a fantastic job.
02:23:49.000 But show the video of him moving around.
02:23:51.000 Because there's video from the fight. 0.98
02:23:53.000 And he was fucking good, man. 0.97
02:23:56.000 That's crazy, that picture of him taking the robe off. 0.99
02:23:58.000 Literally, he got like the kind of still baby fat, but jacked.
02:24:03.000 Like Ali. 0.52
02:24:04.000 Exactly like Ali.
02:24:05.000 Dude, he did a fantastic job as Ali.
02:24:07.000 And that's him against Sonny Liston.
02:24:09.000 Good cinematography.
02:24:10.000 Yeah.
02:24:11.000 But he's a good athlete, man.
02:24:12.000 I think it's a Michael Mann.
02:24:13.000 That's why this is so not fair.
02:24:15.000 I think it is.
02:24:17.000 To have a boxing match between this man and Chris Rock is crazy.
02:24:22.000 Yeah.
02:24:22.000 Jake Paul.
02:24:23.000 Look at Howard Cosell with his terrible wig.
02:24:29.000 Look at that.
02:24:30.000 That's got to be him fighting Sonny Liston, right?
02:24:33.000 That must be him. 0.98
02:24:34.000 Ali fucking ruled. 0.99
02:24:35.000 Yeah. 0.99
02:24:38.000 Oh my god, he was amazing.
02:24:39.000 That was one thing Kanye said.
02:24:42.000 Kanye in his documentary was like, where are all the Muhammad Ali's?
02:24:44.000 Where's like the fun guys?
02:24:45.000 Like the cocky guys?
02:24:47.000 They're kind of done.
02:24:48.000 Hey man, it's hard to make a guy like that. 0.82
02:24:50.000 Do you know how fucking hard it is to be a guy like that and also be brilliant?
02:24:54.000 Who's the right wing guy in MMA? Colby. 0.94
02:24:56.000 Colby Covington.
02:24:57.000 He's doing it well. 1.00
02:24:58.000 He talks a lot of shit. 1.00
02:24:59.000 He talks a lot of shit. 1.00
02:25:00.000 But he's a good fighter. 1.00
02:25:01.000 He's fun.
02:25:02.000 He promotes a fight well. 0.99
02:25:03.000 He's fucking elite. 0.99
02:25:04.000 He's not just a good fighter. 0.99
02:25:05.000 If it wasn't for Kamaru Usman, he'd probably be the welterweight champ of the world. 0.97
02:25:09.000 Kamaru Usman is just so fucking good. 0.97
02:25:12.000 He's, in my mind, he's the GOAT. When you look at welterweight champions, yeah, it's like Georges St-Pierre and there's Kamaru Usman. 0.93
02:25:19.000 I feel like the way Usman dispatches people...
02:25:23.000 Man, it's hard to argue that there's someone who you would give an advantage over him.
02:25:27.000 Like, if George and him fought in their prime, God, what a fight that would be.
02:25:31.000 What a fight that would be.
02:25:32.000 Yeah.
02:25:33.000 If I had a bet, who knows who I'd bet on.
02:25:36.000 It might be Usman, though.
02:25:37.000 He might be the most likable fighter, though.
02:25:39.000 Listen to him talk, St. Pierre.
02:25:41.000 Oh, he's amazing.
02:25:41.000 He's just so cute and nerdy and nice.
02:25:44.000 Yeah, he's great.
02:25:45.000 Usman's very likable.
02:25:46.000 Dude, he came on...
02:25:47.000 GSP came on the bonfire.
02:25:50.000 Really?
02:25:51.000 Yeah.
02:25:51.000 Did he really?
02:25:51.000 He was in Sirius, and he just came in, and I happened to be on that episode.
02:25:55.000 Oh, wow. 1.00
02:25:55.000 I was like, George, I'll fuck you up. 1.00
02:25:57.000 You know what I mean? 1.00
02:25:58.000 I was like, dude, don't make me fuck you up. 0.99
02:26:00.000 And he was like, who is this guy? 0.99
02:26:01.000 Yeah, yeah.
02:26:02.000 It was just that.
02:26:03.000 His accent's great.
02:26:04.000 Instead of talking about me, talk about dinosaurs.
02:26:07.000 He loves dinosaurs. 1.00
02:26:09.000 If you said that to any other UFC fighter, they'd be like, fuck you, puss. 1.00
02:26:12.000 He was just like, boy, this guy is funny. 1.00
02:26:15.000 And he hates fighting, apparently.
02:26:16.000 He's like, I don't like doing it.
02:26:18.000 It bothers me.
02:26:19.000 He's so intelligent and so friendly.
02:26:21.000 He's like, you would never believe that he's one of the greatest fighters who's ever walked to face the earth.
02:26:24.000 That video of you showing him whatever kick, and then he's like, interesting.
02:26:29.000 And then the next fight, he breaks it out.
02:26:31.000 Yeah.
02:26:32.000 I've worked with him a couple times on that.
02:26:34.000 That was like my signature move in my Taekwondo days, was the turning sidekick.
02:26:38.000 Wow.
02:26:39.000 And then the fact that he was like, nope, I get it.
02:26:41.000 I don't care who's telling me.
02:26:42.000 That's a cool move.
02:26:43.000 I'll do it.
02:26:43.000 Well, that was the fun conversation.
02:26:44.000 It was such a silly conversation. 0.55
02:26:47.000 I was talking to John Donaher, and John Donaher pulls me aside. 0.61
02:26:50.000 He goes, I want to work with George on his spinning back kick technique.
02:26:55.000 Do you know anybody who could help me with that?
02:26:57.000 And I said, this is going to sound crazy.
02:26:59.000 I know how this sounds.
02:27:01.000 I go, but I have one of the best spinning back kicks you've ever seen.
02:27:05.000 I go, I know that sounds so crazy. 0.99
02:27:07.000 I know that sounds so dumb. 0.98
02:27:08.000 I'm a comedian. 0.99
02:27:09.000 I'm telling you this, but it's true.
02:27:10.000 And so I think John already knew that, though, before he asked me that question.
02:27:15.000 I think it was a set up.
02:27:16.000 Can we see it?
02:27:17.000 Yeah, there's a video of it.
02:27:18.000 There's a video of me showing George. 0.98
02:27:20.000 And we were at this sweaty fucking gym called Legends. 0.99
02:27:23.000 That was the problem. 0.99
02:27:24.000 While I was showing it to him, the whole floor was...
02:27:27.000 Bomb Squad?
02:27:27.000 It was after the Bomb Squad.
02:27:29.000 After Bomb Squad.
02:27:31.000 Then we went to Legends.
02:27:32.000 That was on the East Side.
02:27:34.000 So this is me and George.
02:27:36.000 Upstairs, right?
02:27:37.000 What year?
02:27:38.000 Boy, 2011. How about you?
02:27:40.000 No, it wasn't 2011, was it?
02:27:42.000 Is that when it was uploaded?
02:27:44.000 Oh, it's on my channel.
02:27:45.000 Well, it must be 2011. Four million views here.
02:27:48.000 Yeah.
02:27:49.000 So George gets his phone out because he wants to film it.
02:27:52.000 I think it's probably happened before that.
02:27:54.000 He's smiling.
02:27:55.000 He's the best.
02:27:56.000 Before that.
02:27:57.000 No, I already did it, Jamie.
02:28:01.000 Go to the beginning.
02:28:04.000 Ari's got a small bladder. 1.00
02:28:05.000 No, it's in the beginning.
02:28:06.000 I know the video.
02:28:07.000 I haven't gone yet.
02:28:09.000 So if you show the beginning, it's when he first sees me do it.
02:28:12.000 Yeah, so this is it.
02:28:14.000 You know what else is cool about St. Pierre is he's a complete product of bullying.
02:28:17.000 He was bullied and he just made him a badass.
02:28:21.000 Do you know he met his bully one day out in the street when he was driving his Range Rover?
02:28:25.000 Oh my god.
02:28:25.000 And his bully was walking on the street.
02:28:26.000 This is my worst nightmare.
02:28:28.000 And he talked to the guy and he forgave him and just talked to him.
02:28:32.000 Good for him.
02:28:32.000 Yeah, I think he even helped him out and gave him some money.
02:28:35.000 Wow, that's the ultimate win.
02:28:36.000 Destitute.
02:28:37.000 Yeah, no, it is the ultimate win.
02:28:39.000 Well, it's like anybody who's like that is mean most of the time. 1.00
02:28:42.000 Yeah, and they're fucked up. 1.00
02:28:44.000 Someone fucked them up. 1.00
02:28:45.000 Right. 0.98
02:28:45.000 That's that old hurt people hurt people. 0.98
02:28:47.000 Yes.
02:28:48.000 You know?
02:28:48.000 It's all internal.
02:28:49.000 It's something they're going through shit. 0.99
02:28:50.000 Listen, man, if it wasn't for bullies, I never would have done martial arts either. 0.99
02:28:54.000 I got into martial arts because I was terrified.
02:28:56.000 Really?
02:28:56.000 Yeah, because I didn't have any friends.
02:28:58.000 I was always moving around, and I was little. 0.99
02:29:00.000 And so all these guys would fuck with me. 0.99
02:29:01.000 I'm like, oh, this is a problem. 1.00
02:29:03.000 I've got to learn how to fight.
02:29:04.000 Right.
02:29:04.000 That's why I like comedy.
02:29:05.000 You'd get out of fighting getting beat up by telling jokes and shit. 0.99
02:29:09.000 For sure. 0.99
02:29:09.000 Most of the time, but it's always good to be able to touch yourself. 0.99
02:29:13.000 The worst is telling a joke and then getting punched in the face.
02:29:17.000 That was me.
02:29:19.000 I was a little worried that it was going to be open season on people smacking people after that.
02:29:24.000 There were so many people that were supporting Will Smith.
02:29:26.000 I wasn't worried at all.
02:29:27.000 No?
02:29:28.000 No, I mean...
02:29:29.000 Big guy.
02:29:30.000 Yeah, but also like...
02:29:32.000 No, I don't think it's...
02:29:33.000 Because he's so hated now.
02:29:34.000 He's like a joke.
02:29:35.000 So I think anybody's scared of doing that.
02:29:37.000 But he's not hated universally.
02:29:38.000 This is one of the things that I've found about this whole Will Smith-Chris Rock thing that's so strange.
02:29:43.000 It seems like no matter what happens, there's going to be a certain group of people that side with the...
02:29:49.000 But that's anything.
02:29:50.000 Yes.
02:29:51.000 People think 9-11 was good, some people.
02:29:53.000 Some people do, yeah.
02:29:54.000 That is the thing.
02:29:55.000 There's so many people that have an opinion.
02:29:57.000 No Jews in the building.
02:29:59.000 There's so many people that have an opinion that anytime something happens, you're going to find some hot take that makes you want to vomit.
02:30:05.000 There's a lot of people that were supporting Will Smith.
02:30:09.000 Don't talk about a man's wife. 0.99
02:30:10.000 I'm like, don't talk about a man's wife? 0.96
02:30:12.000 Like, really?
02:30:13.000 A joke about G.I. Jane?
02:30:15.000 A movie where you got a really hot lady, Demi Moore, who's one of the baddest women that's ever been a star of a movie? 1.00
02:30:21.000 She becomes a fucking Navy SEAL? There's nothing negative about that. 0.99
02:30:24.000 And you can see some nip in the movie cover.
02:30:26.000 Right, but it's like, there's nothing negative about G.I. Jane.
02:30:30.000 G.I. Jane was a badass movie.
02:30:33.000 She tells the guy to suck her dick, remember that? 1.00
02:30:36.000 Right, that was hot. 1.00
02:30:37.000 And that's enough to cause violence?
02:30:40.000 It's like comparing a man to Rambo. 0.57
02:30:42.000 Settle down Rambo. 0.97
02:30:45.000 How dare you call me jacked and awesome.
02:30:47.000 You see a handsome guy with a great body and a long flowing lock of hair. 1.00
02:30:52.000 Damn Rambo rules. 1.00
02:30:53.000 Can you pull up the G.I. Jane movie poster? 0.99
02:30:56.000 There it is.
02:30:57.000 Look at that!
02:30:58.000 Nip! 0.92
02:30:58.000 I told you! 0.92
02:30:59.000 Two thumbs up!
02:31:00.000 To me more.
02:31:01.000 Failure's not an option.
02:31:03.000 Hell yeah. 0.98
02:31:04.000 You know how many lesbians rubbed one out to that? 1.00
02:31:06.000 What a dumb thing to get upset about. 1.00
02:31:08.000 What a fucking moron. 1.00
02:31:09.000 It's a great movie! 1.00
02:31:10.000 Total moron. 1.00
02:31:12.000 It's a movie where she's a hero. 1.00
02:31:14.000 She's a beast. 1.00
02:31:15.000 She's looking to get upset. 1.00
02:31:16.000 I mean, 100%.
02:31:17.000 Well, let's be honest, though.
02:31:18.000 It's an old reference.
02:31:19.000 She got it.
02:31:21.000 Dude, they for sure had a discussion.
02:31:24.000 Before that show.
02:31:25.000 They for sure did.
02:31:26.000 They made a TikTok?
02:31:27.000 Whoever the writer was, he was like, I wrote that joke.
02:31:30.000 Did you see the TikTok?
02:31:32.000 What?
02:31:33.000 I don't know.
02:31:33.000 I heard it was a guy from Philadelphia.
02:31:34.000 Who wrote that?
02:31:35.000 Yeah, somebody at the stand told me, like, hey, my buddy said I wrote that joke for him.
02:31:38.000 Oh my god, that's hilarious.
02:31:39.000 He tweeted it.
02:31:40.000 It's not a great joke.
02:31:41.000 It's not the best show.
02:31:42.000 I couldn't believe you said it.
02:31:44.000 But it's like, when you watch him laughing at it, and then her giving him the look, and then he goes up on the stage, like, and you know there was a TikTok?
02:31:52.000 I know, right?
02:31:53.000 Did you know there was a TikTok of the two of them before the Oscars talking about how they were going to cause chaos?
02:31:58.000 No.
02:31:59.000 Uh-oh.
02:32:00.000 Easy, JoJo.
02:32:01.000 What?
02:32:02.000 Yes.
02:32:03.000 No.
02:32:03.000 Yes.
02:32:04.000 Watch this.
02:32:05.000 Oh, God.
02:32:06.000 Yeah.
02:32:06.000 No.
02:32:07.000 Let's go back to the Klan talk. 0.70
02:32:08.000 I think the reason why he did that when he went up there so quickly and so irrationally, I think this was something they discussed.
02:32:15.000 Who's that?
02:32:16.000 Chris, or Will, rather, and Jada.
02:32:19.000 Okay.
02:32:19.000 Because he was, I mean, he was obviously laughing.
02:32:22.000 Will Smith and choose chaos.
02:32:23.000 Here it goes.
02:32:24.000 Play.
02:32:29.000 Oh, the video says...
02:32:30.000 I don't know if they actually...
02:32:32.000 It was posted in words, I think, on his Instagram account.
02:32:34.000 I don't know if the...
02:32:35.000 No, it was a TikTok, and it said that they were going to start chaos.
02:32:41.000 Wait, what was that though?
02:32:42.000 Ricky Gervais says he...
02:32:43.000 I would not have made fun of her hair?
02:32:46.000 He goes, I would have joked about her boyfriend.
02:32:48.000 That's a better joke.
02:32:49.000 Oh, okay.
02:32:49.000 I didn't read the rest.
02:32:50.000 He went viral after this.
02:32:51.000 He didn't even do anything.
02:32:52.000 Hold up, scroll back up.
02:32:54.000 Will Smith brags about causing chaos at the Oscars just hours before slapping Chris Rock over his Jada Pinkett joke.
02:33:01.000 Yeah, they literally discussed that.
02:33:04.000 They're going through a lot, obviously.
02:33:07.000 Yeah, he's going through a lot, dude.
02:33:10.000 Yeah. 1.00
02:33:11.000 He's fucked up. 1.00
02:33:12.000 He's fucked up. 1.00
02:33:14.000 And that's fine. 1.00
02:33:15.000 It's a nothing joke. 0.99
02:33:16.000 But you can't hit people when you're fucked up. 0.98
02:33:17.000 Even if it was, you don't do that. 0.99
02:33:19.000 God all dressed up to choose chaos.
02:33:22.000 Was he running for Legion of Skanks president?
02:33:25.000 We won.
02:33:26.000 We did win.
02:33:27.000 We did win.
02:33:28.000 Late slide.
02:33:29.000 Late slide victory.
02:33:30.000 Abdicated out of thrones. 0.99
02:33:31.000 If she made him do that, if like she said, if someone talks shit about me, you're going to walk up on that stage, you're going to smack him right in the face. 1.00
02:33:38.000 Whoever it may be. 0.99
02:33:39.000 Oh, I wish it was Schumer.
02:33:40.000 How fun would that have been?
02:33:41.000 That would have been another story.
02:33:43.000 It's taking a month off. 1.00
02:33:45.000 What a loser! 1.00
02:33:48.000 Man, we made it three hours before we got a Trump. 1.00
02:33:51.000 Hey, there you go. 0.99
02:33:52.000 I was doing all the fucking hey-hays. 1.00
02:33:54.000 I was doing all your fucking act. 1.00
02:33:57.000 Hey, Donald, what do you think of that dumb mustache on Shane? 1.00
02:33:59.000 Still in my act. 0.99
02:34:02.000 The mustache is very good.
02:34:04.000 A lot of people say it's handsome.
02:34:06.000 Most people say it's handsome.
02:34:09.000 Did you know right away you could do his voice?
02:34:13.000 No.
02:34:14.000 Did you practice it?
02:34:15.000 No, it got better.
02:34:16.000 It gets better.
02:34:17.000 Yeah.
02:34:17.000 But there's voices I hear and I go, I can't do that one.
02:34:20.000 That one's outside of my realm.
02:34:21.000 Yeah, I can't do a lot of voices.
02:34:22.000 I can't do any voices.
02:34:24.000 I can't either.
02:34:25.000 Do me. 1.00
02:34:27.000 Damn, do me. 1.00
02:34:29.000 Cues are gross. 1.00
02:34:30.000 You guys are fucking idiots. 1.00
02:34:33.000 No, the only thing I can do is I can probably get you a yell. 1.00
02:34:36.000 When you start yelling...
02:34:37.000 I get high pitched.
02:34:39.000 Yeah, when you start screaming, that might be easy.
02:34:41.000 That's the only Trump I can do, is his yell.
02:34:45.000 Like, his rally.
02:34:46.000 No, no, no, you do a great Trump.
02:34:47.000 No, but his rally voice is easy.
02:34:50.000 When he's doing the rally, he's like, that's what I said, I said it.
02:34:54.000 And then he, like, steps away.
02:34:55.000 But his speeches, when he's, like, doing, like, he's got the...
02:35:00.000 Oh yeah, he does.
02:35:01.000 He always inhales. 0.94
02:35:03.000 He sucks in through his teeth.
02:35:05.000 Oh yeah, he always just breathes through his lower teeth. 0.99
02:35:08.000 Yeah, his lower teeth are a big part of it.
02:35:10.000 Do you study the little details of it before trying that?
02:35:12.000 No, I think any time I see somebody talk, I can pick up their mannerisms.
02:35:16.000 I think that's normal.
02:35:18.000 Did you see the thing that he did?
02:35:19.000 We were talking about it last night.
02:35:21.000 There was a guy in the audience.
02:35:22.000 He goes, where's my gays for Trump?
02:35:24.000 Where's my gays for Trump? 0.95
02:35:25.000 And the guy's out there and he goes, you don't look gay. 0.99
02:35:29.000 It's a black guy with a cowboy hat off. 0.55
02:35:31.000 How good is that? 1.00
02:35:32.000 It is fucking amazing. 0.97
02:35:33.000 And then just the camera going back to the dudes filming it being like, what'd he say? 0.99
02:35:37.000 And the other guy's like, just the other dude being like, dude, he said you don't look gay.
02:35:41.000 DiStefano put a picture up or a video of him watching this on his Instagram.
02:35:45.000 He goes, how's this guy not president?
02:35:47.000 How is he not president?
02:35:48.000 Well, he stopped the steal.
02:35:50.000 He might be.
02:35:52.000 Do you think he's going to win again?
02:35:53.000 You get a couple Texas Bud Lights, dude.
02:35:55.000 If he runs out against Biden, he'll win.
02:35:57.000 Thank you very much. 0.73
02:36:06.000 I mean, you don't look gay! 0.98
02:36:11.000 You don't look good. 0.99
02:36:12.000 You don't look good.
02:36:13.000 Did you see the video of him going about the environment?
02:36:15.000 Did you see the video about the environment?
02:36:16.000 When he goes, uh, you saw it?
02:36:18.000 Yeah. 0.98
02:36:19.000 When he just curses and- The ocean's gonna rise one millionth of one percent over the next five hundred fucking years. 0.96
02:36:27.000 The chick behind him was like, yeah, that's what we like! 1.00
02:36:29.000 He kills! 1.00
02:36:30.000 Yeah, he kills. 0.98
02:36:30.000 He does well. 0.98
02:36:31.000 He's got some great fucking lines. 0.99
02:36:33.000 And also, I mean, if you can... 0.99
02:36:35.000 Yeah, whatever. 0.96
02:36:36.000 I'm not going to get fucked up and start being like, the guy's making some good voice. 0.99
02:36:40.000 Remember how good shit was? 0.99
02:36:42.000 He should be a social media figure. 0.99
02:36:45.000 He should be just complaining about everything and have someone who actually knows how to have a show.
02:36:49.000 But something's going on.
02:36:50.000 I mean, fighting on flights is up like 20,000%.
02:36:54.000 Yeah.
02:36:54.000 There's an article in The Atlantic I saw, like, what's wrong with everybody now?
02:36:58.000 Everything is up.
02:36:59.000 Social media. 0.83
02:37:00.000 It might be social media, but it's also, it's also, it's also, fucking, the economy is, there's inflation right now. 0.99
02:37:08.000 Airlines stink. 0.99
02:37:09.000 I think it's lack of interaction.
02:37:11.000 We're social beings.
02:37:13.000 I think we're not being social.
02:37:14.000 They're two years off of being around people.
02:37:16.000 Everybody was supposed to come together.
02:37:18.000 We did a podcast right at the beginning of COVID. We're like, well, this will end all the fucking gender pronouns. 0.98
02:37:22.000 Nothing matters compared to this. 0.98
02:37:24.000 And then within two minutes, everyone was like, nah, let's start fighting again.
02:37:28.000 You know how before COVID, everyone was like, this country needs a war.
02:37:33.000 We need something real to happen. 0.99
02:37:35.000 So everyone shuts the fuck up. 0.97
02:37:37.000 COVID, when that happened, you guys were probably like, oh, this is something real. 0.99
02:37:40.000 This is gonna fuck everybody up.
02:37:42.000 It's like, nothing.
02:37:43.000 We just sat and watched Netflix.
02:37:45.000 Yeah, but it destroyed the economy.
02:37:48.000 It destroyed people's livelihoods.
02:37:50.000 It destroyed work environments and social environments and hobbies and all these certain things that people want to do.
02:37:56.000 So the amount of people that are unhappy in comparison to the amount of people whose lives were going well in 2019 before it went back, it's probably in the millions.
02:38:06.000 Yeah, Mark Q is out of anybody's throat.
02:38:08.000 He's doing great.
02:38:09.000 The stack of unhappy people, and the people who this really fucked their life up, it's just changed the tone of the country.
02:38:16.000 The whole country feels different.
02:38:18.000 Also, everybody was at home, so they were online even more.
02:38:21.000 And that online thing that riles you up, you're more exposed to it.
02:38:25.000 You saw all the alt comics getting angrier and angrier at the regular real comics.
02:38:29.000 Yeah, and then you saw the real comics.
02:38:31.000 But then you saw the real comics being like, yeah, maybe I am a right-wing guy.
02:38:36.000 There's a bunch of those, too.
02:38:37.000 Interesting. 0.99
02:38:37.000 Because they got upset at the fucking alt-comics always at their necks. 0.99
02:38:40.000 Yeah, it's annoying. 0.99
02:38:41.000 And then you see the headlines and you're like...
02:38:44.000 The ones that are at people's neck, though, they're never good.
02:38:49.000 They're almost never good.
02:38:51.000 They're almost never like a really solid comic.
02:38:54.000 Because they're online all the time, they're not writing.
02:38:55.000 They put their energy into that.
02:38:56.000 No one's writing, no one's performing, no one's getting up, no one's tweaking.
02:38:59.000 But even when they do, it's just not good.
02:39:01.000 Wow.
02:39:01.000 It's not good stuff.
02:39:02.000 I don't think of one really good comic that was at everybody's neck during this time.
02:39:07.000 Yeah.
02:39:08.000 Hold on, let me think about that.
02:39:09.000 Do you?
02:39:10.000 Well, you see, it's a lot of men versus women, but then Michelle Wolfe is funny, she's doing great, she's working, she's happy.
02:39:15.000 Michelle never attacks anybody online.
02:39:16.000 She never attacks people.
02:39:17.000 She's hilarious.
02:39:18.000 She's great.
02:39:18.000 She does never attack people, but it's like the ones who do, it's like that's where, it's almost like they're trying to stop People that they don't agree with more than they're trying to build themselves up.
02:39:30.000 We live in a society where if you saw somebody just get off a woman raping her, they'd be like, get that guy.
02:39:35.000 Shouldn't we help the rape victims? 1.00
02:39:37.000 Nah, 70-30, we should punish the rapist more than we should help the victim.
02:39:40.000 We're into punishment more than we're into helping people.
02:39:44.000 We're less into helping people than we are into hurting people.
02:39:47.000 Hurting people is big.
02:39:48.000 So we want to punish the accused instead of helping the victims.
02:39:50.000 But we also want to grab the accused to make sure he doesn't continue to victimize people.
02:39:54.000 Sure, but even this Chris Rock thing, everybody's like, who was wrong?
02:39:56.000 Will Smith?
02:39:56.000 Or maybe Chris Rock shouldn't have gone too far, but nobody's like, hey, how's Chris doing?
02:39:59.000 Yeah, they all consoled Will. 0.99
02:40:01.000 He got slapped in the middle of a fucking show. 0.99
02:40:02.000 No one's like, how's he, is he all right? 1.00
02:40:04.000 That's true.
02:40:05.000 Well, Amy Schumer took a month off because of the trauma. 0.91
02:40:08.000 How's she doing now?
02:40:09.000 What trauma?
02:40:09.000 I think she's doing okay.
02:40:11.000 He goes...
02:40:15.000 What trauma?
02:40:16.000 Do it.
02:40:17.000 Just full on.
02:40:18.000 How's she doing now?
02:40:23.000 She's doing great!
02:40:25.000 That's what it was. 0.99
02:40:26.000 Taking a month off is fucking nuts. 0.99
02:40:28.000 Who takes a month off stand-up? 1.00
02:40:29.000 What?
02:40:30.000 We're feeding her.
02:40:31.000 She's getting a lot of feed.
02:40:33.000 A lot of feed. 0.99
02:40:35.000 Well, anytime you have to announce that you're taking time off, it's like, how fucked up are you? 0.99
02:40:38.000 How does that work? 0.99
02:40:39.000 Just don't call for spots.
02:40:40.000 Yeah, just don't take time off.
02:40:42.000 How does that work, though?
02:40:42.000 Do you think there's publicists that handle this?
02:40:44.000 I think so, yeah.
02:40:45.000 Is there a discussion?
02:40:46.000 Yes.
02:40:47.000 Like, what do we do next to move the needle?
02:40:49.000 Yeah, but how are you, like, in those discussions?
02:40:50.000 Like, I've had an obviously significantly lower level, obviously.
02:40:54.000 But when they're like, hey, this is what we should do, I'm like, no.
02:40:58.000 Yeah, why do you say that? 1.00
02:40:59.000 Shut the fuck up. 1.00
02:41:00.000 I'm just going to go do a set. 1.00
02:41:01.000 Yeah, don't do anything.
02:41:03.000 What are you guys doing?
02:41:04.000 When that happened, there was all these plans.
02:41:07.000 Like, this is what we need to do.
02:41:08.000 I was like, definitely don't do that.
02:41:10.000 I'm not going on the news.
02:41:13.000 They told you not to go on stage?
02:41:15.000 How great was that set we did?
02:41:17.000 They were like, definitely don't go on stage.
02:41:19.000 I was like, this is...
02:41:20.000 That's all I have.
02:41:21.000 This is the only thing that's going to make me not sad.
02:41:24.000 Yes.
02:41:25.000 And then me and Ari came on stage.
02:41:26.000 It was great.
02:41:27.000 It was so fun.
02:41:28.000 I remember a night of, I was so livid, because finally one of ours.
02:41:30.000 Finally a mainstream, real comic got on that show.
02:41:34.000 And we're like, sweet.
02:41:34.000 And then they took it away.
02:41:35.000 It was like a punishment for all of us.
02:41:37.000 It was like when they killed Pesci.
02:41:39.000 You know?
02:41:39.000 And we're like, wait, he was one of ours.
02:41:41.000 And so then I was like, Shane, I was just livid.
02:41:43.000 And I was like, get up here, let's have fun.
02:41:44.000 Yeah.
02:41:45.000 That was a cool night.
02:41:46.000 That was one of my favorite sets of that year.
02:41:49.000 Yeah, there were people there, they hit me up and they were like, dude, that was a cool thing.
02:41:52.000 Isn't it interesting, when things go sideways, a lot of people want you to disappear for a while.
02:41:57.000 A lot of people, but not everybody.
02:41:58.000 The hate online is so overwhelming that you're like, I guess the world hates me.
02:42:02.000 And then you go on, they're like, yeah!
02:42:03.000 Oh, as soon as you walk on stage, they're like, let's go.
02:42:06.000 Chris Rock is getting huge ovations.
02:42:08.000 Louie gets huge ovations.
02:42:09.000 It's not all real.
02:42:12.000 My first set after all that Kobe stuff happened was just a pop and set at the upstairs of the stand.
02:42:17.000 So I wasn't on the lineup.
02:42:19.000 It was like a two-minute ovation.
02:42:22.000 I'm like, yeah, you're here!
02:42:23.000 And I'm like, oh.
02:42:24.000 Oh, you guys are just regular comedy fans.
02:42:26.000 Yeah, but here's the hard part about that is because people will be like, see, cancel culture is not real.
02:42:32.000 It helps.
02:42:34.000 It's like, no, dude, these are people that like you that are like, no, we still love you.
02:42:38.000 You're a minority. 0.98
02:42:39.000 And it's not like, it doesn't help, dude.
02:42:41.000 Obviously, it doesn't help. 1.00
02:42:42.000 That shit sucks. 1.00
02:42:44.000 I hate the cancel culture is not real argument because they go, he's working. 1.00
02:42:49.000 It's like, alright, you're using the cancel word too literally.
02:42:52.000 His life is ruined, he's sad, he's scared, he's different now.
02:42:57.000 Yeah, you go on stage, you're looking at people whispering to each other.
02:43:00.000 They're talking about the tab. 1.00
02:43:01.000 And in your head, you're like, they're saying, he's explaining to her that I'm a piece of shit. 1.00
02:43:06.000 Right, right, right. 1.00
02:43:07.000 It's mentally very damaging to have hundreds of thousands of people calling you an asshole. 1.00
02:43:11.000 Guys, you can't talk at the same time. 1.00
02:43:12.000 Fair.
02:43:13.000 I'm sorry, sorry.
02:43:14.000 Go ahead, Mark.
02:43:15.000 Yeah, but we're fired up.
02:43:16.000 It's character assassination more than anything.
02:43:18.000 It's not, you're canceled, you can't work.
02:43:21.000 It's like, hey...
02:43:23.000 You're a bad guy, and we all say how bad you are.
02:43:26.000 That's canceling. 1.00
02:43:27.000 It's like you suck as a guy. 1.00
02:43:29.000 Yeah, it's the scarlet letter. 1.00
02:43:32.000 It's a public...
02:43:34.000 Dylan put a thing up on his Instagram when the Louis C.K. thing went on, and it was how I became friends with him.
02:43:40.000 He said there are a lot of mediocre talents that are chiming in on Louis C.K. to try to knock him off the high perch because they know that he possesses skill and talent as a comedian so much better than they'll ever be.
02:43:53.000 He's amazing.
02:43:53.000 And so they resent him and there's part of what's going on is like, if you look at the most violent of people that were attacking him, they're all terrible.
02:44:03.000 There was like a bunch of like really mediocre comics that were going after him hard.
02:44:08.000 And I was like, this is interesting.
02:44:09.000 And then when Tim Dillon said that, I'm like, of course, that's exactly what it is.
02:44:12.000 He nailed it.
02:44:13.000 And he was seeing it in New York at the time.
02:44:15.000 He was living in New York.
02:44:16.000 Right.
02:44:16.000 And it was very hot because like Louie would come in and he would bump everybody, would go on whenever he wanted.
02:44:21.000 He's the king.
02:44:22.000 He calls in.
02:44:23.000 He does call in, actually.
02:44:25.000 He would never bump.
02:44:26.000 He'd be on the lineup.
02:44:29.000 He does 15 and he gets off.
02:44:30.000 Beautiful.
02:44:31.000 And he does 15 and gets off.
02:44:32.000 Is this now or this before?
02:44:33.000 Definitely now, maybe before.
02:44:35.000 We're talking about, he used to bump people.
02:44:37.000 But even when he bumped, he wasn't doing an hour.
02:44:39.000 He was doing 15. You're right, you're right.
02:44:41.000 But I'm not saying it is a pejorative.
02:44:43.000 It's a positive.
02:44:44.000 To see Louis C.K. at a fucking show at the Cellar is a great thing. 0.99
02:44:47.000 He wasn't the guy that ran the light and did an hour and 45. He's there to work on a joke. 0.99
02:44:52.000 But the point is, these guys all had to watch that happen.
02:44:55.000 When a guy shows up and everybody's like, oh, it's Louis C.K. You wish it was you.
02:45:00.000 There's a thing.
02:45:01.000 When a comic is there and they're on their way up and they see a guy who is achieving levels of success that are probably never going to happen in their life.
02:45:11.000 He's doing giant theater shows.
02:45:13.000 He's doing Madison Square Garden.
02:45:15.000 He's got a show on FX. He's doing Netflix specials.
02:45:17.000 This is Louis fucking CK and you wish you were that big and you wish you were that good. 0.97
02:45:22.000 And then as soon as something happens with him, Those are the ones. 0.98
02:45:26.000 Yeah, but how do you do that?
02:45:27.000 Shane and I talked about this.
02:45:28.000 It's the piling on.
02:45:29.000 It's the, oh, you can't fight back, so now we're going to pile on.
02:45:33.000 Oh, I never liked the guy anyway.
02:45:34.000 Once the green light's on you, green light is them.
02:45:38.000 Exactly.
02:45:39.000 But the thing is, you get to see those people, who they really are.
02:45:41.000 That's who they really are.
02:45:42.000 And it's like most of them are barely comics.
02:45:46.000 They're barely comics.
02:45:47.000 They're just like...
02:45:49.000 They're okay.
02:45:50.000 You know, they can get by at the perfect night with a good crowd with some jokes that don't make us laugh, but they're existing in this world.
02:45:57.000 They're just selling some shows and they're moving something. 1.00
02:46:00.000 You know those fucking people. 1.00
02:46:01.000 It's never getting any better for them. 1.00
02:46:03.000 You know, there's a period where they've reached peak performance for what their brain, what their spirit has to offer.
02:46:10.000 That's it. 1.00
02:46:11.000 It's all you got, bitch! 1.00
02:46:12.000 It's doable. 1.00
02:46:13.000 Why not get good?
02:46:14.000 Why not try to get good?
02:46:15.000 Because they're in their own way.
02:46:16.000 The same reason why they want to attack someone like Louis, not just say, hey, I think what he did is wrong, but the attack over and over, the constant attacks on Twitter, constant attacks on social medias and blog entries by comics, a lot of them were piss poor.
02:46:33.000 A lot.
02:46:34.000 A lot.
02:46:35.000 Some are also going...
02:46:36.000 That's a good number, right?
02:46:38.000 99%.
02:46:39.000 A lot of comedy struggle in general.
02:46:40.000 A lot of them, though, it's like...
02:46:42.000 Yeah, comedy's hard.
02:46:42.000 If you weren't being watched, meaning you're not publicly tweeting this, if you're talking privately, your stance would be the most obvious normal take.
02:46:50.000 But since you know you're being watched, you're like, let me say the opposite of what everyone's saying.
02:46:55.000 It's not what you actually believe.
02:46:56.000 What do you mean?
02:46:57.000 Like, if you had to perform...
02:46:58.000 Chris Rockwell Smith, you'd be like, the easy and most obvious take is don't ever hit a performer.
02:47:03.000 Right.
02:47:03.000 Or anybody.
02:47:20.000 You know, whatever your spot was on the ladder.
02:47:23.000 Oh, right, to get up ahead.
02:47:23.000 There was guys trying to move to get ahead and trying to push a lot of these toxic men to the side.
02:47:28.000 It happened with the Lee and Cowan.
02:47:29.000 They're like, sweet, more spots for us.
02:47:31.000 I saw it from the store comics.
02:47:32.000 They're like, sweet, more spots for us.
02:47:34.000 There was also, there's a thing about, like, you move up.
02:47:38.000 And this is what Tim Dillon put on his Instagram post.
02:47:41.000 I was like, I think that's exactly what I'm saying.
02:47:43.000 That's one of the things that I didn't like about it. 0.66
02:47:44.000 It wasn't that, like, hey, his behavior's gross. 0.98
02:47:46.000 He should have never fucking done that, which pretty much everybody says, including him. 0.98
02:47:49.000 It's like, I want that. 0.99
02:47:50.000 Everybody says it, including him.
02:47:51.000 He did say that.
02:47:52.000 That's not what it is. 1.00
02:47:53.000 He wrote a fucking letter. 1.00
02:47:54.000 Yeah, that's not what it is. 1.00
02:47:55.000 What it is is people that see him and they've been watching him murder in a way that they can never murder.
02:48:02.000 Oh, nobody can.
02:48:03.000 I don't like him, so put me digitally into the movie he was already in.
02:48:07.000 You know?
02:48:08.000 No, I wasn't a part of this.
02:48:10.000 Tim had a great tweet the other day.
02:48:11.000 He was like, stand-up comedy in the 80s was this, and then stand-up comedy now is like, vote for your local council person.
02:48:18.000 I was like, I screenshot it.
02:48:20.000 I was like, that's so good.
02:48:21.000 Tim Dillon is a national treasure.
02:48:23.000 There's some people that I follow, even comics that I follow on Twitter, where I just go check their feed just to watch mental illness just spray its diarrhea all over the screen. 0.67
02:48:34.000 It's wild to watch people.
02:48:37.000 There's one guy that I'm friends with.
02:48:38.000 He's a nice guy, but he is the most... 0.97
02:48:42.000 It's like someone who's a Pirates fan, Pittsburgh Pirates, and he's like, oh, let's fucking go Pirates! 0.95
02:48:47.000 The whole thing is like, go Democrats! 1.00
02:48:51.000 You know you guys suck, right? 1.00
02:48:53.000 It's wild! 1.00
02:48:54.000 You know you guys are going to win 20 games this year?
02:48:56.000 You've come to the World Series since Cal Ripken was alive.
02:48:58.000 He's like, no, we're the best!
02:48:59.000 But you know those guys?
02:49:00.000 That's what he is with the Democrats. 0.99
02:49:02.000 They'll be like, look at Biden kicking ass this week. 0.98
02:49:05.000 He writes, best period administration period ever. 0.78
02:49:11.000 It's like going out 35 to 7, like, look at this awesome touchdown we had.
02:49:16.000 Politics have become a tribe completely.
02:49:18.000 For sure.
02:49:19.000 It used to just be a thing.
02:49:20.000 I know, but that was the thing I'm confused about.
02:49:23.000 When I was young, It wasn't there.
02:49:28.000 You didn't talk about it.
02:49:29.000 It's not my interest.
02:49:29.000 I saw a Dan Quayle bumper sticker and I moved on with my life.
02:49:32.000 I thought that I was just young.
02:49:36.000 So now that I'm an adult, I'm like, I guess adults, this is what we do.
02:49:40.000 But it's different.
02:49:41.000 Of course it's different.
02:49:42.000 But that's the confusing part.
02:49:44.000 Was it always like this when you get older?
02:49:46.000 I don't think so.
02:49:47.000 And you're like, we gotta talk politics? 1.00
02:49:49.000 It's so fucking dumb. 1.00
02:49:52.000 And be like, are you a drunk supporter? 1.00
02:49:54.000 10 empty beers over there?
02:49:56.000 It's a 10 beer podcast.
02:49:57.000 We're getting going, dude.
02:49:59.000 We're just firing up.
02:50:00.000 What time is it?
02:50:00.000 Let's get it going, dude.
02:50:01.000 It's early.
02:50:02.000 We've got the whole day left.
02:50:03.000 He's got 10 empty beers over there.
02:50:04.000 That's what I'm talking about.
02:50:06.000 Shane is going to die in his Australian tour. 0.99
02:50:09.000 Or he's going to kill Australia. 0.90
02:50:11.000 What is that? 0.90
02:50:12.000 What is going on with that watch?
02:50:14.000 It goes off every time for his insulin.
02:50:16.000 I dropped it drunk a week ago and it's been beeping.
02:50:20.000 It goes off constantly.
02:50:21.000 Is that like a relic?
02:50:22.000 Yeah, it's a throwback.
02:50:24.000 Do you like it because it's cool because it's old?
02:50:26.000 I just like it because it's completely simple.
02:50:27.000 It just tells you the time and the date and I'm good.
02:50:29.000 But it beeps all the time.
02:50:30.000 That's not simple.
02:50:31.000 That I gotta work on.
02:50:33.000 It tells you the time and the date.
02:50:35.000 It doesn't ever beep.
02:50:35.000 Well, how about you throw out a few Omegas over here, huh?
02:50:38.000 This is a Seiko.
02:50:39.000 Ah, Seiko.
02:50:40.000 What are you, poor?
02:50:41.000 It's a good watch.
02:50:43.000 It's a good watch. 1.00
02:50:44.000 I should beat your ass. 1.00
02:50:46.000 Why? 1.00
02:50:47.000 Solid watch. 1.00
02:50:48.000 What the fuck are you talking about? 0.99
02:50:50.000 I don't know Seiko. 1.00
02:50:51.000 The troops wore them in Vietnam.
02:50:52.000 Here's the best conversation.
02:50:54.000 Could...
02:50:55.000 Among Protect Our Parks.
02:50:56.000 Yeah.
02:50:57.000 Which is funny.
02:50:58.000 POP. You get a little drunk, you go, Protect Our Parks. 0.52
02:51:01.000 That's us.
02:51:01.000 It sounds like a wiper right now.
02:51:03.000 Protect Our Parks.
02:51:04.000 It really does sound like a wiper alley.
02:51:05.000 They're amazing parks.
02:51:06.000 A lot of great parks, these guys.
02:51:09.000 They're protected.
02:51:09.000 Some become jails.
02:51:12.000 Could Protect Our Parks fight Joe Rogan.
02:51:15.000 That was my favorite conversation.
02:51:17.000 Oh, us three?
02:51:18.000 Yes.
02:51:18.000 First him?
02:51:19.000 Dude, he would wail on us.
02:51:21.000 We'd get him down.
02:51:23.000 We have to get him down. 0.93
02:51:23.000 If I get the junk. 0.93
02:51:24.000 I can get the junk.
02:51:25.000 No, this is the exact point. 0.99
02:51:27.000 And the butthole. 0.99
02:51:28.000 This is the point. 0.99
02:51:28.000 I got a finger in there. 0.99
02:51:29.000 He'll squirm like a fat pig. 0.99
02:51:32.000 Just stare at him laughingly until he walks away. 1.00
02:51:33.000 My butthole is so tight. 0.99
02:51:35.000 I can get in there. 1.00
02:51:37.000 I got lube on me.
02:51:39.000 We're all one bunch.
02:51:41.000 We're all one punch.
02:51:42.000 But if we go together!
02:51:43.000 The problem is if Joe slapped us once, I'm like, I quit.
02:51:47.000 Enjoy it.
02:51:48.000 No quitting.
02:51:51.000 What would you have done if Will Smith smacked you?
02:51:54.000 Whatever his name was.
02:51:55.000 If you, in an alternative universe, if you're doing comedy at the Oscars, and you tell a joke... 0.99
02:52:01.000 He would say some shit, because what do you got to lose? 0.99
02:52:04.000 You're not going back to the Oscars. 0.99
02:52:05.000 It is weird, because I've opened for you a lot.
02:52:07.000 They would literally just be like, where's Roy Wood?
02:52:10.000 When I had hecklers go, I'd be like, this is not my show.
02:52:13.000 Right.
02:52:13.000 To be able to go off on this and just kind of weird the room.
02:52:16.000 So the Oscars is times a thousand.
02:52:18.000 Oh, right.
02:52:18.000 But if it's not the Oscars...
02:52:19.000 I mean, they have been slapped.
02:52:21.000 They have been slapped.
02:52:22.000 Immediately you start making fun of the guy slapping.
02:52:24.000 You have a weapon.
02:52:24.000 You're not going to be drawn into violence.
02:52:26.000 Have you ever been slapped on stage?
02:52:28.000 No, I've been rushed on stage.
02:52:29.000 Me too.
02:52:30.000 I've had bottles thrown at me.
02:52:31.000 Tell them that.
02:52:32.000 You heard that?
02:52:33.000 You told me.
02:52:34.000 I told you that?
02:52:35.000 Last night?
02:52:36.000 I told you what? 1.00
02:52:36.000 Oh, shit. 1.00
02:52:37.000 Sorry. 1.00
02:52:37.000 What? 1.00
02:52:38.000 Oh, sorry.
02:52:39.000 Norman's got a great...
02:52:40.000 Don't build it up.
02:52:41.000 No, it's good, dude.
02:52:42.000 What happened? 1.00
02:52:43.000 Hartford Funny Bone, I got a guy, like a fat Comic-Con motherfucker in the front row. 0.98
02:52:48.000 Like, Spider-Man shirt, you know, bad hat, floppy hat, weird facial hair, and he was like... 0.99
02:52:55.000 Bald. 0.99
02:52:55.000 Yeah, like he was doing the, uh, like the, you suck, that joke sucked, you should quit, you're bad, like he was saying it to me, he was in the front row, and no one else could hear him. 0.99
02:53:06.000 So I was like, alright, this guy's just being a dick, he's trying to poke me, and he was getting to me, and I kept ignoring, because I was doing well with the rest of the room. 1.00
02:53:13.000 He was sitting alone, and eventually I just snapped, like 30 minutes of it, I couldn't take it, and I go, fuck you, you piece of shit, you virgin, look at you, you suck, you're fat, you're gross, whatever, and the rest of the room's like, what are you doing? 1.00
02:53:25.000 Why are you mean to this guy? 1.00
02:53:26.000 They didn't know.
02:53:28.000 So they turned on me. 1.00
02:53:29.000 But I just was like, fuck it, I'm going all in on this guy. 1.00
02:53:31.000 And I called him a virgin. 1.00
02:53:33.000 And he snapped.
02:53:36.000 Because I think he was.
02:53:37.000 And so he's like...
02:53:39.000 He just lost it, and he comes on stage, and I kicked him when he was on the second step.
02:53:45.000 Good, good.
02:53:45.000 Because I could take this guy.
02:53:48.000 I'm not a tough guy, but this guy I can take.
02:53:50.000 He was super out of shape, he was super doughy, he had cargo shorts, he looked like Kevin Smith.
02:53:54.000 And I was like, I got this guy.
02:53:56.000 And I kicked him, and it pushed him back, and then they grabbed him.
02:54:01.000 That was it.
02:54:01.000 Good.
02:54:02.000 Lucky they had better security than the fucking Oscars. 1.00
02:54:04.000 I know. 0.99
02:54:04.000 But that was no security. 0.99
02:54:07.000 Props to that dude. 1.00
02:54:08.000 It's so funny to go to a show and just sit in the front row and be like, you suck. 0.99
02:54:12.000 Yeah, he got me. 1.00
02:54:14.000 You're not doing that.
02:54:15.000 You're 11 beers in, and you're encouraging violence.
02:54:18.000 I mean, that's a wild dude.
02:54:19.000 I support Will Smith.
02:54:21.000 I support R. Kelly.
02:54:22.000 I support that dude.
02:54:23.000 Real talk.
02:54:25.000 There's a mansion under the sink. 1.00
02:54:27.000 Yeah, sit in the front row and be like, oh my god, this guy sucks. 0.99
02:54:30.000 Like, just so funny, dude. 1.00
02:54:33.000 There's a mansion in the cabinet.
02:54:35.000 Yeah, dude.
02:54:36.000 He got me good.
02:54:36.000 You ever see the Miss Pat video?
02:54:38.000 No.
02:54:38.000 Which one?
02:54:39.000 It's on her phone.
02:54:40.000 What do you mean?
02:54:41.000 So it's not up.
02:54:42.000 You've got to ask her to see it. 0.99
02:54:43.000 Oh, shit. 1.00
02:54:43.000 What is it? 1.00
02:54:44.000 She's going off on some open mic or at a show, I think, in Indianapolis.
02:54:49.000 It might have been Crackers.
02:54:50.000 It might have been somewhere else. 1.00
02:54:51.000 And he's talking shit. 1.00
02:54:52.000 He's like, come up here and say that, bitch. 1.00
02:54:54.000 Miss Pat, you know, she's a fucking legit warrior. 1.00
02:54:57.000 And she rips her wig off. 1.00
02:55:01.000 He goes, I will.
02:55:02.000 He takes one step up and she just punches him upstairs. 1.00
02:55:07.000 That step was enough to be like, this is you escalating.
02:55:11.000 Of course.
02:55:11.000 That's a capital ride.
02:55:13.000 Fuck that. 1.00
02:55:14.000 She takes her wig off. 1.00
02:55:15.000 That's serious shit. 1.00
02:55:17.000 Holy shit. 1.00
02:55:18.000 Miss Pat is the last person. 1.00
02:55:21.000 She's been shot.
02:55:23.000 She got shot in her tit.
02:55:25.000 She talks about it. 1.00
02:55:26.000 Blew her nipple off. 1.00
02:55:28.000 Damn! 1.00
02:55:29.000 Did Milk go everywhere? 1.00
02:55:30.000 Ms. Pat is one of the funniest human beings that's ever seen. 1.00
02:55:33.000 Yeah, she's funny.
02:55:34.000 Oh, that Justice Millette Lion. 1.00
02:55:35.000 God damn, she's funny. 0.99
02:55:36.000 She said that before anybody knew. 0.99
02:55:38.000 Justice Millette Lion.
02:55:39.000 I'm like, wait, what?
02:55:40.000 We did a This Not Happening show at the store, and I was like, wait, what are you talking about? 0.97
02:55:44.000 Shut up, Ms. Pat. 1.00
02:55:44.000 It's crazy. 1.00
02:55:45.000 What are you talking about?
02:55:46.000 Well, there was a lot of people who were skeptical.
02:55:47.000 She goes, who's going to wear a ski mask and a hat on top of it? 0.99
02:55:51.000 Number one.
02:55:52.000 Number two, how are you going to get name brand bleach for a hate crime?
02:55:55.000 You don't get name for him, Leach.
02:55:58.000 That's great.
02:55:58.000 How about the fact that he showed up at the hotel with the noose still around his neck?
02:56:03.000 He kept the noose.
02:56:04.000 Look what happened to me. 1.00
02:56:06.000 Wouldn't the first thing you do once you get free is take that fucking noose off your neck? 1.00
02:56:10.000 It's so bad. 1.00
02:56:10.000 What's her name? 1.00
02:56:11.000 Had the best quote about it, the writer.
02:56:14.000 J.K. Rowling.
02:56:15.000 No, no.
02:56:16.000 She wrote for Playboy for a while.
02:56:18.000 I think she's been on here.
02:56:19.000 Bridget?
02:56:20.000 Bridget Phetasy? 0.99
02:56:20.000 Bridget Phetasy. 0.99
02:56:21.000 Oh, she's fun. 1.00
02:56:22.000 Jussie Smollett is what happened when you let the actors write the script. 0.98
02:56:25.000 That's exactly it.
02:56:26.000 That's exactly it.
02:56:27.000 That is 100% it.
02:56:29.000 Hey, now that we're talking Jussie Smollett.
02:56:31.000 UTA. You know those guys?
02:56:33.000 Yeah.
02:56:34.000 That agency, UTA. That stands with everyone?
02:56:36.000 Yeah, they fired me and kept Jussie Smollett. 1.00
02:56:41.000 Still?
02:56:42.000 I don't think now.
02:56:43.000 I'm sure now they're like...
02:56:45.000 After the conviction?
02:56:46.000 He ain't working, so we can't get anything out of him. 1.00
02:56:48.000 They're all such fucking phonies. 0.97
02:56:49.000 Does he ever work again? 1.00
02:56:50.000 Does someone like that...
02:56:51.000 Can someone like that ever work again?
02:56:53.000 I think yes, because people still think you did something right.
02:56:56.000 In their mind, they're like...
02:56:57.000 Nobody thinks he did anything right.
02:56:59.000 He faked a hate crime.
02:57:00.000 He's got to have so little support. 0.99
02:57:03.000 I'm sure there's some dummies out there that are on his side.
02:57:06.000 But what's the number? 0.52
02:57:07.000 Is it 1% at all? 0.99
02:57:09.000 I mean, if 1% is enough, you've got a million people, that's a lot of fucking people. 0.93
02:57:12.000 You've got to do a podcast, but you can't be on a TV show. 0.96
02:57:16.000 Could he do the podcast, where he just tells stories?
02:57:19.000 Tells stories.
02:57:21.000 Tells stories with Jussie Smollett.
02:57:24.000 And one time, I skydived without a parachute.
02:57:28.000 While I was skydiving. 0.97
02:57:29.000 Some racist hawk. 1.00
02:57:32.000 He flew right into my parachute, that motherfucker. 1.00
02:57:35.000 I mean, how does a guy like that come back? 1.00
02:57:38.000 How do you come back from something like that?
02:57:40.000 Where you get arrested for faking a crime and they put you in jail.
02:57:45.000 He maintains his innocence.
02:57:46.000 I never met those guys who worked on my show.
02:57:50.000 That did this.
02:57:51.000 Is that what he said?
02:57:52.000 He didn't say they worked on my show because I never met them.
02:57:54.000 Wasn't he dating one of the guys?
02:57:56.000 He said they did drugs and whacked off together.
02:57:59.000 Oh, that's good enough.
02:58:00.000 Close to dating.
02:58:03.000 That's a long-term relationship in the gay community. 0.60
02:58:10.000 Such a funny thing to throw on, like, dudes you already incriminated and be like, oh, so they're gay, too.
02:58:17.000 To Kevin Spacey defense. 0.99
02:58:19.000 You're one of those guys, you're like, bro, you fucked my whole life up.
02:58:23.000 Does that guy ever come back? 0.99
02:58:24.000 You think Kevin Spacey ever comes back?
02:58:26.000 He's so good.
02:58:28.000 He's so good.
02:58:29.000 He's so good.
02:58:30.000 He's so good. 1.00
02:58:30.000 Go by and watch a fucking first season of House of Cards. 1.00
02:58:33.000 What about the secret movie where he played a different character? 0.99
02:58:37.000 Kaiser Soce?
02:58:38.000 Kaiser Soce.
02:58:38.000 I mean, it never gets better than that.
02:58:39.000 Oh my god.
02:58:40.000 Usual Suspects.
02:58:41.000 Usual Suspects.
02:58:43.000 The secret movie.
02:58:45.000 I knew what it was, though.
02:58:47.000 Yeah, of course. 0.99
02:58:48.000 How about fucking when he was in Seven? 1.00
02:58:52.000 Happy Sunday, folks. 0.99
02:58:53.000 Won't take up too much of your time here.
02:58:55.000 Did you know that Jussie's story has been fully corroborated by two independent witnesses who've never met or had any affiliation with him?
02:59:08.000 Did you know that the Office of Special Prosecutors, Sean Weber, hashtag Sean Weber, committed prosecute, all caps, prosecutorial misconduct by Pressuring multiple witnesses to change their story.
02:59:22.000 Jussie's story has never, all caps, changed.
02:59:25.000 Bro, that's all I needed to see.
02:59:27.000 That's all I needed to see, dude.
02:59:29.000 Free him.
02:59:30.000 Free him.
02:59:30.000 Who's India Moore?
02:59:31.000 Who's like free Jussie?
02:59:32.000 Right away, someone writes free Jussie.
02:59:35.000 Who's that?
02:59:35.000 Who's India Moore?
02:59:36.000 She's blinked or whatever.
02:59:38.000 1.6 million. 1.00
02:59:40.000 Yeah, she's hot as shit. 1.00
02:59:42.000 Who's this person? 0.99
02:59:42.000 Good looking lady. 0.99
02:59:43.000 She's four times as big as me.
02:59:47.000 That is wild.
02:59:48.000 She's like, free Jussie.
02:59:50.000 Better looking than Jada.
02:59:51.000 Do you think she's an actress? 0.96
02:59:52.000 Yeah, she's got Jussie in there! 1.00
02:59:54.000 Yeah, she's probably an actress. 1.00
02:59:55.000 Maybe it's her brother.
02:59:56.000 Maybe.
02:59:58.000 Who knows? 1.00
02:59:59.000 Actors and actresses are out of their fucking boards. 1.00
03:00:02.000 Out of their fucking minds. 1.00
03:00:03.000 So is he free? 1.00
03:00:04.000 I think he is now.
03:00:05.000 150 days ago.
03:00:06.000 He's out?
03:00:06.000 No, no, he's out already.
03:00:07.000 How many days did he get?
03:00:07.000 They let him out early.
03:00:08.000 Really?
03:00:09.000 Yeah, they let him out real early.
03:00:10.000 Remember the prosecutor was like, we're not going to go through with this?
03:00:13.000 And everyone was like, why?
03:00:14.000 He lied.
03:00:15.000 Yeah, they made him go back.
03:00:17.000 It cost the city a million dollars?
03:00:19.000 The manhunt.
03:00:21.000 So...
03:00:22.000 He's out.
03:00:23.000 I guarantee he's out.
03:00:24.000 He was supposed to do a bunch of time, and he got out within a few days on appeal.
03:00:28.000 So he's on appeal right now.
03:00:29.000 So maybe if he loses the appeal, he has to go in for the rest of the 150 days.
03:00:34.000 The Rich Get Richer. 1.00
03:00:35.000 He's fucked. 1.00
03:00:35.000 Like, how do you make a living now? 1.00
03:00:37.000 If you're a guy who's a puppet...
03:00:38.000 He was great in that Alien movie.
03:00:40.000 Hey, can we...
03:00:41.000 Covenant?
03:00:41.000 He was in Covenant.
03:00:42.000 He was great in Mighty Ducks.
03:00:44.000 He was in Mighty Ducks?
03:00:45.000 Yeah.
03:00:45.000 What was he, Duck?
03:00:46.000 He was a young man.
03:00:48.000 Can we mention how awesome...
03:00:49.000 He got checked by two white guys.
03:00:52.000 Into the glass.
03:00:53.000 The Bash Brothers got him. 0.93
03:00:56.000 What are those Nigerians doing? 1.00
03:00:59.000 Are they still around?
03:00:59.000 The guys he hired?
03:01:02.000 They're selling weed in Beijing.
03:01:04.000 They're on OnlyFans jacking off.
03:01:06.000 They were hot.
03:01:07.000 Can we say how awesome it was that one of the greatest comics of all time Louis C.K. won a Grammy for Best Album of the Year.
03:01:16.000 And Twitter imploded, I heard. 1.00
03:01:18.000 Nah, fuck that. 0.99
03:01:20.000 Everybody realized how amazing it was that a great comic put out a great special and won an award. 0.99
03:01:25.000 Finally, someone who deserves it won an award for an amazing thing.
03:01:27.000 You know what's funny?
03:01:28.000 I never got them.
03:01:30.000 Yeah, I don't get it.
03:01:32.000 What was funny is it's like, oh, the voting's anonymous.
03:01:37.000 That's why he won.
03:01:38.000 Is that right?
03:01:39.000 Oh yeah, the voting's anonymous.
03:01:41.000 Everybody got in there and was like...
03:01:43.000 Actually, this special killed.
03:01:44.000 Definitely the best.
03:01:45.000 It's a good special.
03:01:46.000 It was a great special.
03:01:47.000 The last special was very funny. 0.95
03:01:48.000 The intro when he walks out to fucking Bob Dylan and the sorry's on there and he just... 0.95
03:01:55.000 It's like, dude... 0.98
03:01:55.000 It's amazing. 0.98
03:01:56.000 Suck my dick. 1.00
03:01:56.000 I think he won for Sincerely. 1.00
03:01:59.000 Oh, no, sorry.
03:02:00.000 Sorry.
03:02:01.000 Really?
03:02:02.000 Yeah, sorry.
03:02:02.000 It's called Sorry.
03:02:03.000 I thought it was Sincerely.
03:02:04.000 Oh, wait.
03:02:05.000 He won for Sincerely?
03:02:06.000 Oh, a different special?
03:02:07.000 I think so.
03:02:08.000 He won for the last one?
03:02:09.000 Oh, yeah.
03:02:09.000 His past one.
03:02:10.000 The most recent is Sorry.
03:02:12.000 I know.
03:02:13.000 He won for the one before that.
03:02:14.000 No, he was nominated for the one before that, but he didn't win.
03:02:17.000 I don't think he was.
03:02:18.000 That was last year.
03:02:19.000 The nomination was new.
03:02:20.000 Sincerely, Louis CK won.
03:02:21.000 Sincerely won?
03:02:22.000 Sincerely, Louis CK won. 1.00
03:02:23.000 Holy shit! 0.99
03:02:24.000 Wait, that was recorded before COVID. That's last year, so he still has a chance to win next year. 0.99
03:02:29.000 Sorry's gonna win.
03:02:30.000 Sorry's better.
03:02:31.000 Wait, wait, wait.
03:02:33.000 He won for the one he recorded in 2020?
03:02:36.000 Yes.
03:02:37.000 Wow.
03:02:38.000 That's how they do it.
03:02:40.000 No, they did the awards for 2021. Well, whatever.
03:02:43.000 They just announced it for 2021. They present in 2021, but it's all the shit from the year before. 0.98
03:02:47.000 No, but it is 2022. This was a weird year because I don't think they did the Grammys. 0.87
03:02:52.000 Two years ago.
03:02:53.000 Yeah.
03:02:53.000 Oh, okay.
03:02:54.000 Damn, he won on Sincerely? 0.97
03:02:56.000 What's interesting is that one was good, but it's not as good as it's new. 0.98
03:02:59.000 It's way better.
03:03:00.000 Sorry's one of the best specials he's ever done.
03:03:02.000 Yeah, it's great.
03:03:03.000 It's amazing.
03:03:04.000 And he seems like free.
03:03:07.000 Right.
03:03:07.000 You know what I'm saying?
03:03:08.000 It seems like he's 100% Louis. 0.99
03:03:09.000 He said, everybody needs to get canceled, you'll be your real fucking comic after that. 0.97
03:03:12.000 He didn't say the last part, but he goes, everybody needs to get canceled. 0.98
03:03:15.000 Interesting.
03:03:15.000 Just get it over with.
03:03:16.000 Yeah.
03:03:17.000 Then nothing will hold you back.
03:03:18.000 You're not worried.
03:03:19.000 Would you agree?
03:03:23.000 Because it's not fun.
03:03:24.000 It's not a great thing.
03:03:26.000 No, it's bullying.
03:03:27.000 It's mean. 1.00
03:03:28.000 Shit stinks. 1.00
03:03:28.000 That's what it was. 1.00
03:03:29.000 Yeah.
03:03:30.000 The stuff that got in this award show was stuff that came out. 0.98
03:03:34.000 Damn, he won on Sincerely. 0.97
03:03:35.000 He's definitely going to win on Sorry. 0.99
03:03:37.000 No.
03:03:38.000 He's on Sorry.
03:03:39.000 He's not going to get another one.
03:03:40.000 He'll get back-to-back, dude.
03:03:42.000 Sorry was the best special.
03:03:45.000 If he gets back-to-back...
03:03:46.000 That's not how it works.
03:03:47.000 What do you mean? 0.98
03:03:48.000 If it's fucking the best... 0.99
03:03:50.000 I don't think... 0.99
03:03:50.000 If they have a bunch of them... 0.99
03:03:51.000 They don't think like that.
03:03:52.000 They're like, oh, we're gonna give it to this guy.
03:03:54.000 Why do we care what they think?
03:03:54.000 You think The Departed is the best sports show?
03:03:57.000 Why do we care?
03:03:57.000 Why do we care about the Emmys?
03:03:59.000 They are so not our people. 0.88
03:04:01.000 They are so not our people. 0.88
03:04:03.000 They're not our people. 0.84
03:04:03.000 The idea that we care who wins the Emmys is so crazy. 0.84
03:04:06.000 Yeah, yeah, who gives a fuck? 0.99
03:04:07.000 You ever see Kill Tony's poster? 0.99
03:04:09.000 It said who actually won the Grammy?
03:04:11.000 Pull up the Kill Tony poster. 0.99
03:04:12.000 You need to see this, because it's fucking crazy.
03:04:14.000 Here's why I never liked the Grammys, because they never once nominated, like, Kyle Kinane. 0.97
03:04:18.000 It was only celebrities.
03:04:19.000 It's only celebrities ever.
03:04:21.000 They got Nate Bargazzi, which was nice.
03:04:23.000 That's great.
03:04:23.000 But yeah, you're right.
03:04:24.000 Look at this Kill Tony poster.
03:04:26.000 That's true.
03:04:27.000 Grammy Awards won by Queen, zero.
03:04:28.000 Diana Ross, zero.
03:04:29.000 Jimi Hendrix, zero.
03:04:30.000 Snoop Dogg, zero.
03:04:31.000 Hillary Clinton, one.
03:04:33.000 Awards are pointless.
03:04:34.000 Kill Tony isn't.
03:04:35.000 Watch this.
03:04:36.000 That's great.
03:04:36.000 Well done.
03:04:38.000 What did Hillary win for? 1.00
03:04:39.000 Rap?
03:04:40.000 Hip-hop?
03:04:41.000 That'd be fun.
03:04:42.000 Her murder compilation.
03:04:44.000 Yeah.
03:04:45.000 Real talk.
03:04:46.000 Super Predators. 1.00
03:04:48.000 Don't you think I got enough bullshit on my mind? 0.99
03:04:50.000 I was on Epstein's plane. 0.99
03:04:52.000 Yeah.
03:04:53.000 She won for best spoken word album.
03:04:55.000 Oh my god.
03:04:56.000 Spoken word?
03:04:57.000 It takes a village.
03:04:58.000 Oh boy.
03:04:59.000 Grammy Awards of 1997. Jesus Christ.
03:05:02.000 97, dude.
03:05:03.000 That was after Monica Lewinsky. 1.00
03:05:07.000 Ah, you see?
03:05:07.000 That's how they think.
03:05:08.000 We'll give her one after that. 0.59
03:05:09.000 Yeah, let's get her a trophy, because that was traumatic as hell. 1.00
03:05:13.000 She went through some shit. 1.00
03:05:14.000 Yeah, that's brutal. 1.00
03:05:15.000 Poor gal. 1.00
03:05:16.000 Yeah.
03:05:16.000 You watched that FX thing about Clinton?
03:05:19.000 I didn't.
03:05:19.000 It was good, dude.
03:05:20.000 Yeah, FX kills it.
03:05:22.000 The same one as the people versus OJ. Yeah, that was great, too. 0.98
03:05:27.000 Assassination of Versace.
03:05:29.000 Those are incredible. 1.00
03:05:30.000 They did a fucking documentary, like a show, not a documentary. 1.00
03:05:34.000 Biopic? 1.00
03:05:34.000 Yeah, biopic type shit. 1.00
03:05:36.000 Docu-series. 0.99
03:05:38.000 Yeah, about Sarah Paulson.
03:05:39.000 Got threatened after she said something about Kobe.
03:05:41.000 Sarah Paulson.
03:05:42.000 Impeachment, an American crime story.
03:05:44.000 Yeah, it was very good.
03:05:46.000 What happened with Sarah Paulson?
03:05:47.000 After Kobe, Michael Rapport went after her heart and she got threatened to the point where she had to delete her Twitter.
03:05:52.000 What?
03:05:52.000 Because she said, like, hey, it might be true that he's a great man and also he might have committed rape.
03:05:57.000 Both things can be true. 0.75
03:05:58.000 And Rapport went after her heart.
03:06:02.000 This was about Kobe?
03:06:04.000 Yeah.
03:06:04.000 Wow.
03:06:05.000 Well, there was a lot of those girls. 1.00
03:06:07.000 The other one, the one from Westworld.
03:06:11.000 What's her name?
03:06:12.000 Sarah Paulson.
03:06:13.000 No, no, no, the other one.
03:06:14.000 A different girl from Westworld than Rachel Wood?
03:06:16.000 Yes, that one.
03:06:17.000 Didn't she go after him?
03:06:19.000 Same thing.
03:06:20.000 She's the one who said that.
03:06:21.000 It was her.
03:06:23.000 She said that.
03:06:26.000 What is this?
03:06:27.000 Impeachment was good, dude.
03:06:28.000 That's the show?
03:06:29.000 FX. That's Hillary? 1.00
03:06:30.000 I guess so.
03:06:31.000 No, no, no, no.
03:06:32.000 That's Linda Tripp.
03:06:34.000 Linda Tripp.
03:06:35.000 By the way, John Goodman played her on SNL in the 90s, and it was so insulting, but it was normal.
03:06:40.000 It was funny.
03:06:40.000 They show it.
03:06:41.000 Oh, really?
03:06:41.000 They show it on there, where she's sitting down watching SNL with her, like...
03:06:46.000 She's, like, devastated.
03:06:47.000 Of course.
03:06:48.000 Obviously. 1.00
03:06:48.000 But that shit flew back then. 1.00
03:06:50.000 But then, uh... 1.00
03:06:51.000 It is crazy that they all called Monica Lewinsky a fucking whore. 1.00
03:06:54.000 I know! 1.00
03:06:55.000 You mean my boss tried to have sex with me? 1.00
03:06:56.000 Yeah, I'm a 23-year-old and the president wanted me to suck his dick. 1.00
03:07:00.000 She got screwed on that. 1.00
03:07:01.000 She got screwed. 0.99
03:07:02.000 That's Jonah Hill's, uh, sister. 0.99
03:07:05.000 Whoa! 0.71
03:07:05.000 Yeah, it looks like Jonah Hill. 0.71
03:07:06.000 I think she was 20. I think Monica Lewinsky was 20. Yeah, hell yeah, dude.
03:07:10.000 Obviously, you're going to get ahead from a fat 20-year-old. 0.89
03:07:13.000 Well, not only that.
03:07:14.000 Obviously, if you're a 20-year-old, you get a chance.
03:07:16.000 Who's not doing that, dude?
03:07:17.000 I like a full-figured girl.
03:07:19.000 I can't do Clinton.
03:07:20.000 If you're a young single girl.
03:07:21.000 Wrong president.
03:07:22.000 Hillary?
03:07:23.000 Or Bill?
03:07:24.000 Monica.
03:07:24.000 Bill.
03:07:25.000 Bill, Bill.
03:07:27.000 Full-figured?
03:07:27.000 It's kind of breathy.
03:07:28.000 Let's just jump again.
03:07:29.000 I can do Bill.
03:07:30.000 Big juke globes.
03:07:31.000 Go ahead.
03:07:31.000 I only flew with him 26 times.
03:07:35.000 He's a good guy.
03:07:37.000 He's got a good plane.
03:07:38.000 I'd have to listen to him.
03:07:40.000 If I listened to him, I could do him better. 1.00
03:07:42.000 Don, what do you think of Bill's pussy? 1.00
03:07:44.000 Not good. 1.00
03:07:45.000 He sounds like an idiot. 1.00
03:07:46.000 Everybody heard it. 1.00
03:07:50.000 I only flew with him 26 times.
03:07:53.000 It's more of a this.
03:07:54.000 Do Biden real quick.
03:07:57.000 What?
03:07:58.000 What?
03:07:59.000 Come on, man. 1.00
03:08:00.000 Kyle Dunnigan's Biden is the greatest fucker thing in the world's ever known. 0.99
03:08:03.000 It's so good. 0.99
03:08:03.000 So funny. 0.99
03:08:04.000 It's so good. 0.95
03:08:05.000 That show that he does with Kurt is one of the best fucking sketch things he's ever done. 0.93
03:08:09.000 It's so good, dude. 0.95
03:08:09.000 It's amazing. 0.95
03:08:11.000 So good.
03:08:11.000 I went over there and they were like...
03:08:13.000 So I was in LA doing shows and Kurt hit me up and was like, you gotta come over and do a sketch.
03:08:19.000 I was like, of course.
03:08:20.000 I get over there and they're like, alright, let's go.
03:08:22.000 As soon as I walked in the door, they're like, we're doing a Zoom call.
03:08:25.000 I was like...
03:08:26.000 Okay.
03:08:27.000 No hello?
03:08:28.000 Dude, it was crazy. 1.00
03:08:29.000 And then you get into Kyle's house and it's like a fucking hellhole. 1.00
03:08:33.000 And it's crazy. 1.00
03:08:35.000 What do you mean?
03:08:35.000 Like, what way?
03:08:36.000 I'm talking like fucking unfinished, like struts in the fucking living room are just hanging out. 0.99
03:08:43.000 There's no drywall. 1.00
03:08:44.000 There's just shit everywhere. 0.99
03:08:46.000 Really? 0.99
03:08:46.000 And they're like, alright, let's go. 0.99
03:08:47.000 Oh, dude, it's chaos.
03:08:49.000 He's a mad genius.
03:08:50.000 He is.
03:08:51.000 So is Kurt.
03:08:51.000 They're both insane geniuses.
03:08:54.000 They made Inside Amy Schumer the greatness that it was the first two years.
03:08:58.000 Yeah, got an Emmy.
03:08:59.000 Yeah, when it was like those two guys writing, it was like, this can't be stopped.
03:09:04.000 Thank God they found each other and connected.
03:09:06.000 Those two are... 0.99
03:09:08.000 I mean, it's ridiculous. 1.00
03:09:09.000 They're so fucking good. 0.99
03:09:11.000 The Nancy Pelosi one they did? 1.00
03:09:15.000 The bitch's hero. 1.00
03:09:17.000 She's got skeleton hands and she rubs them together and starts a fire. 1.00
03:09:22.000 That's comedy.
03:09:23.000 When you watch it, you're like, oh yeah, this is what comedy used to be.
03:09:26.000 I'm gonna jingle my jewels in your face. 1.00
03:09:27.000 You'll love it. 1.00
03:09:29.000 The Bill Maher shit. 1.00
03:09:30.000 Bill Maher hates it. 1.00
03:09:34.000 His Bill Maher is so good.
03:09:35.000 No one else has one.
03:09:38.000 No.
03:09:39.000 It's true.
03:09:40.000 These aren't impressions anyone's doing.
03:09:42.000 Right, right.
03:09:43.000 I'll never have children.
03:09:44.000 But he does them better than anybody.
03:09:46.000 Oh, the trans-Trump. 0.75
03:09:47.000 I didn't like this one.
03:09:48.000 I didn't like this one that much.
03:09:50.000 I thought it was...
03:09:51.000 But just visually, that's fun.
03:09:52.000 Trans-Trump.
03:09:53.000 It's funny.
03:09:54.000 It's terrific.
03:09:55.000 Visually, the Andrew Cuomo one, it's amazing.
03:09:57.000 Do you see Putin on OnlyFans?
03:09:59.000 No.
03:10:00.000 Oh, my God.
03:10:00.000 You haven't seen this?
03:10:02.000 Give me some volume.
03:10:04.000 Puttershot.
03:10:05.000 Puttershot.
03:10:06.000 I always.
03:10:06.000 So you're dropped like rock.
03:10:08.000 He's getting Bitcoin.
03:10:09.000 Okay, we're here to go.
03:10:12.000 Now is sexy time.
03:10:14.000 Get ready.
03:10:15.000 It's going to be getting hot in here.
03:10:28.000 All the Bitcoin coming in.
03:10:32.000 Have you ever gone on an OnlyFans?
03:10:35.000 No.
03:10:35.000 No.
03:10:36.000 I should, because I know people on it.
03:10:38.000 Feehan is crushing it on OnlyFans.
03:10:40.000 Who is?
03:10:40.000 Karen Feehan.
03:10:41.000 She's a comedian in New York.
03:10:42.000 Very funny. 0.97
03:10:43.000 Very funny, and the best little titties in comedy. 0.67
03:10:46.000 So what is she doing on OnlyFans? 0.70
03:10:48.000 Butt picks? 0.98
03:10:50.000 Yeah, picks mostly.
03:10:51.000 Yeah, that's it?
03:10:52.000 She's got a hot pot. 1.00
03:10:54.000 How much?
03:10:55.000 I think in the $20,000 to $25,000 range a month.
03:10:58.000 Wow.
03:10:58.000 Yeah.
03:10:59.000 And she's funny.
03:11:00.000 And she's a cool gal. 1.00
03:11:01.000 She's so cool to have around.
03:11:02.000 It takes away all the financial pressure of gigs, right?
03:11:05.000 You do whatever gigs you want.
03:11:07.000 To defend her, she doesn't slack on comedy.
03:11:11.000 She's like, that's extra income. 1.00
03:11:12.000 I'm still hosting.
03:11:13.000 I'm still doing whatever spots I can get.
03:11:15.000 If I could get that, you know? 0.99
03:11:16.000 You can show your ass and you get 20 grand a month? 1.00
03:11:19.000 Why not? 1.00
03:11:19.000 Is there levels to what you show? 1.00
03:11:22.000 What?
03:11:23.000 Levels.
03:11:23.000 You can do whatever you want.
03:11:24.000 But you can do pornography, right?
03:11:26.000 Oh yeah, you can figure yourself... 0.64
03:11:28.000 Total pornography.
03:11:29.000 That's what runs OnlyFans. 0.99
03:11:30.000 It's porno chicks going, hey, come straight to me. 1.00
03:11:33.000 Right, right, right. 0.99
03:11:34.000 Hey, what do you want?
03:11:34.000 I'll do what you want me to do.
03:11:35.000 And then arranging also, like, do you want to meet?
03:11:37.000 That's 10 grand.
03:11:40.000 Oh, they do that. 0.98
03:11:42.000 Ten grand.
03:11:42.000 Whatever it is, you know.
03:11:44.000 Yeah, I guess a lot of them get paid ten grand.
03:11:47.000 Why wouldn't you? 1.00
03:11:48.000 I fuck on camera. 1.00
03:11:48.000 Why wouldn't I fuck a guy off camera? 1.00
03:11:50.000 They're fucking everybody. 1.00
03:11:50.000 Especially if he's nice. 1.00
03:11:51.000 Yeah.
03:11:52.000 Everybody's nice who gives me ten grand.
03:11:58.000 OnlyFans for guys? 0.89
03:11:59.000 Is that a real thing? 0.98
03:12:01.000 Gay guys. 0.98
03:12:02.000 Trans. 0.69
03:12:03.000 I interviewed a trans lady on Skeptic Hang once and she was like, that's a solid, there's a market for it. 1.00
03:12:07.000 If you still have your dick. 1.00
03:12:09.000 You gotta have your dick? 1.00
03:12:11.000 I mean, you get more money that way. 1.00
03:12:13.000 That's wild. 1.00
03:12:15.000 So if you're trans with a dick, it's more valuable than a full operation? 1.00
03:12:18.000 Yeah. 1.00
03:12:19.000 Wow.
03:12:20.000 Some girls are like, I just show my feet and I make a ton of money. 1.00
03:12:22.000 Sure.
03:12:23.000 Go for it.
03:12:23.000 I've heard of that.
03:12:24.000 Go for it.
03:12:25.000 How much money do you make just showing your feet?
03:12:27.000 Enough to show your feet.
03:12:29.000 I would show my feet. 1.00
03:12:30.000 I don't give a fuck. 0.99
03:12:31.000 I don't even think about my feet. 0.99
03:12:32.000 Your feet aren't that great.
03:12:33.000 Nah, they're not.
03:12:34.000 Maybe they are to some people.
03:12:36.000 That's the thing.
03:12:37.000 I mean, I would not do it.
03:12:38.000 If I could make 20 grand a month...
03:12:39.000 You might be able to. 1.00
03:12:41.000 Just showing your butthole. 1.00
03:12:42.000 I'm in. 0.99
03:12:43.000 Guys, go to OnlyFans.com slash Ari Shafir.
03:12:45.000 How about Ari's butthole around the world, like wherever you're going? 1.00
03:12:48.000 I wanted to have a Skankfest, the first year at Skankfest. 0.98
03:12:50.000 I was like, can we have a kissing booth? 1.00
03:12:51.000 But it's only a close-up, and I'll spread my cheeks, and you get to stare directly into my fucking hemorrhoid-ed-up asshole. 1.00
03:12:57.000 I would pay a buck for that. 1.00
03:12:58.000 A buck! 0.76
03:12:58.000 Yeah! 0.76
03:12:59.000 But you gotta sit there with your asshole spread for an hour and a half. 1.00
03:13:02.000 I guarantee you. 1.00
03:13:02.000 Louis, make it happen. 1.00
03:13:03.000 You guys are gonna spit in your asshole. 1.00
03:13:05.000 Yeah, that was my only thing. 1.00
03:13:06.000 You gotta have a spit guard. 0.92
03:13:07.000 That's not so bad. 1.00
03:13:08.000 You should let them spit in your asshole. 1.00
03:13:09.000 If they have to look at it, they should be able to spit on it. 1.00
03:13:11.000 And that's kinda hot.
03:13:13.000 It is kinda hot.
03:13:13.000 And it feels good.
03:13:14.000 I bet a little warm spit on your b-hole. 1.00
03:13:16.000 Who wouldn't like that? 0.98
03:13:17.000 Jamie, what are you saying?
03:13:18.000 There's a video about that.
03:13:20.000 That's why I thought you brought it up, maybe.
03:13:21.000 What?
03:13:22.000 In Cook County Jail, that's what they do. 0.77
03:13:24.000 They don't rape guys. 1.00
03:13:24.000 They spit in their asshole. 1.00
03:13:26.000 I would take that in a second. 1.00
03:13:28.000 What? 1.00
03:13:28.000 If rape was on the table, I'll take a spin in the butt. 1.00
03:13:30.000 Because you still have to get the phone call when a bodily fluid enters a cavity or something like that, they explained. 1.00
03:13:36.000 What phone call?
03:13:37.000 Aids? 0.83
03:13:38.000 They have to call your family and say, like, you have to dip your rape kit on your son. 0.99
03:13:41.000 Oh, no.
03:13:42.000 You can get aids from that.
03:13:43.000 No, don't call my mom. 1.00
03:13:45.000 Yeah, do you have to rat them out that they spit on your asshole? 1.00
03:13:47.000 No, no, no. 1.00
03:13:48.000 That's what they were going into.
03:13:50.000 Like, that's the thing that they did. 1.00
03:13:51.000 Like, big guys would be like, you ain't spitting on my asshole. 1.00
03:13:53.000 And they'd be like, pssh, what? 1.00
03:13:54.000 You get knocked out, and then they hold you down, and they spit in your ass. 1.00
03:13:56.000 And then people were like, God, they would take turns coming up and spit in your asshole. 1.00
03:14:00.000 Sounds like a nice treat. 1.00
03:14:01.000 Come on, I want to see video of this.
03:14:03.000 It's not the video of that, but I can show you the video of them explaining it.
03:14:06.000 Really?
03:14:06.000 They also have a thing they called a Glock Dookie.
03:14:12.000 Grab some Bud Lights out there.
03:14:14.000 How many you got down so far?
03:14:16.000 What do you got over there?
03:14:18.000 What's the stack?
03:14:20.000 I'm having a tough time counting.
03:14:22.000 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12. You're on beer 12. That's good.
03:14:26.000 I had one of those.
03:14:27.000 That's wild.
03:14:29.000 Bud lights are easy to drink.
03:14:31.000 Yeah, but that's wild. 1.00
03:14:32.000 That's like Andre the Giant shit. 0.99
03:14:33.000 I had one of those. 1.00
03:14:34.000 They will knock you the fuck out. 1.00
03:14:36.000 Go to the bathroom, you see yourself. 1.00
03:14:37.000 When you hit that ground? 1.00
03:14:38.000 Oh shit, I'm fucked up. 1.00
03:14:39.000 Yeah. 1.00
03:14:40.000 Get that butt! 1.00
03:14:41.000 The dude sitting at the table next to a werewolf. 1.00
03:14:46.000 You're like, oh shit. 1.00
03:14:48.000 I'm fucked up. 1.00
03:14:49.000 Reality sets in. 1.00
03:14:50.000 Listen to this. 0.99
03:14:53.000 Get that butt! 1.00
03:14:56.000 Nah, the nigga that's fighting to be, get the butt! 1.00
03:15:00.000 Pull your pants down! 1.00
03:15:02.000 Pull your drawers down. 1.00
03:15:04.000 Open up your ass and spin your ass. 1.00
03:15:07.000 Now your ass a bitch. 1.00
03:15:08.000 Six people lined up to come spin your ass. 1.00
03:15:11.000 Niggas are spinning your ass. 1.00
03:15:12.000 A nigga will grab a motherfucking soap. 1.00
03:15:15.000 Choke your ass out, nigga. 1.00
03:15:17.000 Six different survivors. 1.00
03:15:18.000 Kilt in this bitch. 1.00
03:15:19.000 Your ass a bitch. 1.00
03:15:20.000 Not in the whole jail or no. 1.00
03:15:21.000 It's going around. 0.99
03:15:22.000 Man, folks got this ass spitting in. 1.00
03:15:24.000 Niggas that put ketchup mustard in your ass. 1.00
03:15:26.000 Niggas that put ketchup mustard in your ass. 1.00
03:15:27.000 I wasn't involved in that shit. 1.00
03:15:28.000 I wasn't doing that shit. 1.00
03:15:29.000 I wasn't doing that shit. 1.00
03:15:29.000 Knock you out. 1.00
03:15:30.000 Spitting your ass. 1.00
03:15:31.000 It sounds like a lot. 1.00
03:15:33.000 Especially up in the trenches. 1.00
03:15:35.000 That shit have fucked you up. 1.00
03:15:35.000 Trenches. 1.00
03:15:36.000 That shit have fucked you up. 1.00
03:15:38.000 Okay. 1.00
03:15:38.000 Wow. 1.00
03:15:39.000 Two million views. 1.00
03:15:40.000 Just some dude eating fucking Flaming Hot Cheetos. 1.00
03:15:43.000 Spitting in asses? 1.00
03:15:43.000 Then knocking you out and spitting in your butt. 1.00
03:15:46.000 I think he got off easy. 1.00
03:15:47.000 Spitting in your butt is so nice. 1.00
03:15:49.000 Yeah. 1.00
03:15:50.000 I mean...
03:15:50.000 As opposed to...
03:15:51.000 I want to do that now.
03:15:53.000 Exactly.
03:15:54.000 They don't do that anymore?
03:15:55.000 Is that what he's saying?
03:15:56.000 It's actually pretty nice.
03:15:59.000 Yeah, it is actually like a frat.
03:16:01.000 Yeah, we've evolved.
03:16:01.000 This is more?
03:16:02.000 This is a lot.
03:16:03.000 It's shorter, too. 1.00
03:16:18.000 You don't want this shit. 1.00
03:16:19.000 You getting robbed. 1.00
03:16:21.000 They make guns.
03:16:23.000 Glock Dookie. 1.00
03:16:24.000 Glock Dookie with a switch on that bitch. 1.00
03:16:26.000 Nigga, they don't fucking put shit, piss, nut. 1.00
03:16:29.000 What's the switch? 1.00
03:16:30.000 So you can actually fight? 1.00
03:16:31.000 Holy shit. 0.99
03:16:33.000 You gotta have these guys in the podcast. 0.99
03:16:35.000 Yeah, right?
03:16:36.000 That seems like it'd be a lot of fun. 1.00
03:16:37.000 Damn, dude. 0.99
03:16:38.000 There's some guy in prison for money laundering, and he's like... 1.00
03:16:42.000 I don't know about this.
03:16:43.000 Take it easy, fellas. 1.00
03:16:46.000 Somebody's got a crest tube filled with shit and jizz. 1.00
03:16:50.000 Get the fuck out of the way, motherfucker! 1.00
03:16:52.000 That's why R. Kelly was singing for everybody. 1.00
03:16:55.000 They had him there like, sing for my kids, please.
03:16:59.000 Whatever you want?
03:16:59.000 He goes, I don't feel like it.
03:17:00.000 Don't you feel like it?
03:17:01.000 Or we could go the other way.
03:17:03.000 Yeah.
03:17:03.000 He's probably a big star in jail.
03:17:06.000 They're probably so excited to hang out with R. Kelly.
03:17:08.000 Oh, yeah.
03:17:09.000 Yeah.
03:17:10.000 I mean, and he gets to sing.
03:17:12.000 Probably makes it more interesting.
03:17:13.000 Yeah. 1.00
03:17:13.000 My asshole's telling me no. 1.00
03:17:15.000 But those Flamin' Hot spits. 1.00
03:17:18.000 But you guys are telling me yeah.
03:17:21.000 You gotta tell me it's gonna happen.
03:17:23.000 Flamin' Hot.
03:17:24.000 Oof.
03:17:25.000 Anybody eating Flamin' Hots is a problem.
03:17:28.000 Yeah.
03:17:29.000 You don't see a president or a CEO eating Flamin' Hots.
03:17:32.000 Nobody accomplishing anything is munching. 1.00
03:17:34.000 Well, Trump actually might munch Flamin' Hots. 0.99
03:17:37.000 Didn't Trump replace the healthy snacks the White House had previously with some kind of shit? 0.99
03:17:41.000 A lot of cheeseburgers. 0.99
03:17:43.000 He had the burgers.
03:17:44.000 He would bring in whoever won the national championship in football. 1.00
03:17:47.000 He'd bring them in and he'd just get the whole table filled with fucking burgers. 1.00
03:17:50.000 Yeah. 1.00
03:17:51.000 From McDonald's?
03:17:52.000 Yeah, he'd be like, you guys are going to love McDonald's. 0.99
03:17:55.000 He fucking loves McDonald's. 0.99
03:17:57.000 He legitimately loves McDonald's. 1.00
03:17:58.000 Diet Coke and McDonald's.
03:17:59.000 So did Clinton.
03:18:01.000 How is he so healthy?
03:18:02.000 Who?
03:18:03.000 Trump.
03:18:03.000 Is he healthy?
03:18:04.000 For as old as he is?
03:18:05.000 What are you kidding? 1.00
03:18:06.000 He's old as shit. 1.00
03:18:07.000 He's overweight. 1.00
03:18:08.000 Donald Trump had McDonald's delivered to the hospital while he was being treated for COVID-19.
03:18:12.000 Jesus Christ. 1.00
03:18:13.000 What a fat fuck. 1.00
03:18:14.000 He's an animal. 1.00
03:18:15.000 I mean, if you're munching McDonald's in your 70s, Dude, if I eat McDonald's now, I'm like, what the fuck was that? 0.99
03:18:22.000 Dude, I was at a concert with Soder and his girlfriend, and he was like, right before the encore, they were like, we're finished, we'll be back in like 10 minutes, we gotta do whatever. 0.98
03:18:30.000 LCD sound system, and he's like, I gotta go.
03:18:32.000 I'm like, you gotta go before the encore?
03:18:33.000 And he goes...
03:18:34.000 It ain't a lot of McDonald's.
03:18:36.000 It ruins you.
03:18:38.000 Yeah, dude.
03:18:39.000 But Trump doesn't drink.
03:18:41.000 No, he doesn't drink. 1.00
03:18:42.000 That definitely takes some of the edge off, but he's eating pure garbage. 0.95
03:18:46.000 Sure. 0.69
03:18:47.000 Yeah, but Trump has also never drank, right?
03:18:49.000 Never.
03:18:49.000 No, really?
03:18:50.000 Wasn't that a thing? 0.99
03:18:51.000 His brother got fucked up by it, and he stopped. 0.99
03:18:53.000 Oh, is that right? 0.99
03:18:54.000 Yeah.
03:18:54.000 Have you ever seen the Adam Curtis documentary on how Trump made his money?
03:18:57.000 No.
03:18:57.000 You've seen it.
03:18:58.000 New York was like, white flight, and then Trump was like, oh, everything's devalued?
03:19:01.000 Let me buy, like, blocks.
03:19:03.000 I saw the Adam Curtis...
03:19:05.000 It's the newest one.
03:19:06.000 The last one was, what was it?
03:19:08.000 It was like, Can't Get You Out Of My Head.
03:19:10.000 Oh.
03:19:11.000 It was so good.
03:19:12.000 What was that about?
03:19:13.000 It was just, he...
03:19:14.000 Adam Curtis explained where we're at and why we're at it.
03:19:17.000 Yeah.
03:19:18.000 And it was...
03:19:19.000 Have you ever had him on?
03:19:20.000 I can't explain it.
03:19:21.000 Dude, I'd like to see that.
03:19:22.000 That is, for sure, get Adam Curtis on.
03:19:23.000 Yeah?
03:19:24.000 His documentaries are so out there and so clear.
03:19:27.000 Century of the Self is so interesting.
03:19:28.000 What's that?
03:19:29.000 It's about how we took...
03:19:31.000 So Freud's nephew took stuff he was saying about psychology, used it for propaganda for World War II, and then after World War II was over, like, well, we can keep using this propaganda.
03:19:42.000 We've got to change the name.
03:19:44.000 They called it PR. And so that everything is about public image.
03:19:49.000 So that's when advertisements went from this is a quality product to this will get your family around you.
03:19:54.000 Oh, yeah, yeah.
03:19:55.000 What was the one you said?
03:19:56.000 What was the documentary? 0.97
03:19:57.000 It's called Can't Get You Out Of My Head and it's fucking incredible. 0.97
03:19:59.000 It's about how China uses like... 0.98
03:20:02.000 Oh, with Mao and his wife?
03:20:03.000 Absolute...
03:20:05.000 They're monitoring everything you do.
03:20:08.000 You get the social credit score of, like, did you cheat in a video game?
03:20:12.000 Did you jaywalk?
03:20:15.000 And they monitor it.
03:20:16.000 Meanwhile, the United States is doing kind of the exact same thing, except they're doing outrage.
03:20:24.000 They're doing outrage.
03:20:25.000 So, like, in China, it's like...
03:20:28.000 They're monitoring, but you gotta be a good dude.
03:20:31.000 You gotta do everything correct.
03:20:32.000 It's hyper-normalization was the one with Trump.
03:20:34.000 Dude, Rogan, you'll like all these.
03:20:35.000 Century of the Self, start with that one. 1.00
03:20:37.000 I'm fucked up. 0.99
03:20:37.000 Start with that one. 0.99
03:20:38.000 I'm gonna watch these.
03:20:39.000 They're amazing.
03:20:40.000 You watch the Adam Curtis talk?
03:20:42.000 Can't get you out of my head.
03:20:43.000 Oh, I've seen hyper-normalization.
03:20:45.000 I've seen that.
03:20:46.000 That was really good.
03:20:47.000 You watch Century of the Self, you watch one episode out of six or eight, you watch one, then you pause for like a week and a half and you think about it.
03:20:54.000 Here's the hardest part about Adam Curtis, is you watch it, and then you understand it, and then you try to tell everybody. 1.00
03:21:01.000 But you are dumb. 1.00
03:21:05.000 I have that with Norm Macdonald. 1.00
03:21:06.000 You ever talk to somebody who doesn't think Norm Macdonald's funny and you're like, I don't know what to do here.
03:21:10.000 He just is.
03:21:11.000 I don't know how to back up to explain it to you.
03:21:13.000 I never laugh, though.
03:21:15.000 And you're like, alright. 0.98
03:21:16.000 How the fuck could you watch Norm and not laugh? 0.99
03:21:18.000 People don't like a weird taste. 1.00
03:21:20.000 You have to be stupid, dude. 1.00
03:21:21.000 The taste is so subjective. 1.00
03:21:22.000 Not only like, funny not my thing, but just like, not funny.
03:21:24.000 Like, oh.
03:21:26.000 Some people, they just have terrible taste.
03:21:29.000 Yeah.
03:21:29.000 You know, I mean, there's things that people love that are, like, there's people that are, like, great fans of those terrible sitcoms.
03:21:37.000 Where they can't wait and they want to go see the taping and some of those really fucking bland bullshit. 0.99
03:21:42.000 Dude, that's Big J. Whenever I have a barbecue, he's like, I got frozen beef patties for you. 0.99
03:21:46.000 I'm like, what?
03:21:47.000 I got fresh ground beef.
03:21:48.000 It's like, nah, you want these. 0.99
03:21:49.000 I'm like, oh, you have garbage taste. 0.99
03:21:52.000 I support that. 1.00
03:21:53.000 Of course you do.
03:21:55.000 You get conditioned, too.
03:21:56.000 Is frozen beef that much different than fresh beef? 0.99
03:22:00.000 Yeah, it's shitty, dude. 0.97
03:22:01.000 What's going on? 1.00
03:22:01.000 It's garbage food. 1.00
03:22:02.000 It's shitty. 1.00
03:22:03.000 I mean, it really depends on how quickly the burger was frozen. 0.99
03:22:08.000 Like, if you get a fresh steak and you grind it and then make a patty and freeze it and then thaw it out, it's not going to be any different.
03:22:14.000 That ain't what's happening. 0.99
03:22:15.000 These are fucking mass-made bulk, you know. 0.99
03:22:18.000 Dude, it's a burger. 1.00
03:22:20.000 Get a 99 cent.
03:22:22.000 99. I want a burger.
03:22:28.000 I want a fucking burger right now. 1.00
03:22:30.000 Joe, don't you dare make a fool out of me right now. 1.00
03:22:33.000 Fucking burger. 1.00
03:22:35.000 Burger. 1.00
03:22:36.000 We'll do a taste test.
03:22:37.000 I would love burgers, dude. 0.99
03:22:40.000 If you wanted to eat a burger right now, would you go for something that's good, or would you go for something like bullshit? 0.98
03:22:45.000 No, we went to El Camino. 0.99
03:22:48.000 Right across the street.
03:22:49.000 Great. 1.00
03:22:50.000 Then you gotta battle through all those fuckin' goths. 1.00
03:22:54.000 All those freaks making you shit. 1.00
03:22:57.000 The guy's got a fucking mohawk in the kitchen. 1.00
03:22:59.000 Yeah, the kitchen's filled with fucking freaks. 1.00
03:23:01.000 Yeah. 1.00
03:23:02.000 And you go to order and you're like, I don't want these guys around my...
03:23:04.000 No gloves. 0.94
03:23:06.000 And then they give you your food and you're like, damn, that's the best food I've ever had. 0.92
03:23:08.000 You're alright. 0.97
03:23:08.000 Yeah, you're okay. 0.97
03:23:09.000 Nice job, freaks. 0.99
03:23:11.000 They look like the bad guys in Street Fighter.
03:23:14.000 Yes!
03:23:15.000 Yes!
03:23:16.000 They come out of the bar just like, who ordered... 1.00
03:23:18.000 Tio, how about that fucking waiter? 1.00
03:23:22.000 Fucking Mark's got a gay gluten allergy, so he put the... 1.00
03:23:26.000 I'm trying it off bread. 1.00
03:23:28.000 Mark's gay as hell, so he put the bun in his beer. 1.00
03:23:30.000 Just like if there's a sip of beer left, I threw the bun in there to get rid of it. 0.99
03:23:34.000 He comes over. 0.99
03:23:35.000 The waiter comes over to grab empties, and he's like, what the fuck is this? 0.99
03:23:40.000 And it was like, don't be a waiter. 0.99
03:23:43.000 Yeah, right?
03:23:45.000 Why is there a little bread in the bottle?
03:23:47.000 He didn't like it.
03:23:49.000 I shouldn't have said don't be a waiter, dude.
03:23:51.000 I apologize to all the waiters. 1.00
03:23:55.000 You dumbasses. 0.99
03:23:56.000 I heard nothing but good things about those burgers. 1.00
03:23:58.000 Dude, El Camino's.
03:24:00.000 Great burger.
03:24:01.000 Perfect.
03:24:02.000 Hey, let's have a taste that's next barbecue I have.
03:24:04.000 Oh! 0.60
03:24:04.000 We'll do one of those Big J frozen patties versus a real ground beef grade A. I swear to God there will be zero difference. 0.60
03:24:10.000 Do you know how to cook a burger?
03:24:11.000 Are you good at it?
03:24:13.000 No.
03:24:14.000 No.
03:24:15.000 No, he cannot.
03:24:16.000 But DeRosa came over and was cooking.
03:24:18.000 He was cooking at my place. 1.00
03:24:19.000 How about DeRosa's fucking sandwich shop? 1.00
03:24:21.000 I get hungry looking at his Instagram. 1.00
03:24:23.000 It's so good.
03:24:25.000 It looks amazing.
03:24:27.000 Joey Rose's.
03:24:28.000 Economical.
03:24:29.000 Oh yeah, it's an $8 sandwich.
03:24:31.000 That should be like in New York, $14, $15. 1.00
03:24:34.000 It's a big ass fucking sandwich. 1.00
03:24:37.000 It looks good! 1.00
03:24:38.000 Those sangwiches? 1.00
03:24:40.000 Perfect.
03:24:40.000 That's my favorite one!
03:24:41.000 That's my favorite one!
03:24:42.000 That peanut butter, jelly, and potato chips is my favorite one.
03:24:46.000 Oh, that's bad news. 0.99
03:24:47.000 Damn, that looks good. 0.99
03:24:48.000 That killed Ralphie, man. 1.00
03:24:49.000 That's good news, and then DeRosa will make you do coke.
03:24:52.000 Yeah, he will.
03:24:53.000 He puts it on the bun. 0.99
03:24:54.000 You eat some fucking peanut butter and jelly hoagie, and he's like, come on, dude, let's do coke. 0.99
03:24:59.000 Wait till I'm done with the sandwich. 1.00
03:25:01.000 He likes the coke?
03:25:02.000 No, no, he doesn't.
03:25:03.000 He likes it around the bros.
03:25:05.000 When the bros are there.
03:25:06.000 He likes to do coke?
03:25:07.000 When the dogs are there.
03:25:09.000 That's why he opened the bar.
03:25:11.000 It's a coke den.
03:25:12.000 So it's a sandwich shop slash bar?
03:25:14.000 Exactly.
03:25:15.000 Wow.
03:25:15.000 Is he doing a lot of stand-up now, or is he just busy doing that?
03:25:18.000 He's out!
03:25:18.000 He's back out!
03:25:18.000 He's opening for Sal on his tour a lot, and he's back, fully back.
03:25:22.000 So he just has people work the club or his bar?
03:25:26.000 He was kind of right. 1.00
03:25:28.000 When he stopped, Shit sucks right now. 1.00
03:25:32.000 He was right about that. 1.00
03:25:34.000 He had his draw now because him and Sal were doing that Taste Buds podcast.
03:25:36.000 But before that, he goes, what's the benefit of doing stand-up in this world where everyone's attacking everybody when I'm not going to make thousands of dollars on the road?
03:25:45.000 I would fight him on that.
03:25:47.000 I would always be like, now's when it's actually good.
03:25:51.000 Necessary.
03:25:52.000 But he goes, your whole career's over for what?
03:25:54.000 For a $25 spot?
03:25:56.000 It's not worth it.
03:25:56.000 And I'm like, I get what you're saying, but...
03:25:58.000 So he was worried about saying something that was going to get him in trouble?
03:26:01.000 Yeah, because it's nonstop.
03:26:03.000 I think it's a little bit of the worry about saying something, but he's always been friends with all the left people.
03:26:09.000 Uh-huh. 0.99
03:26:10.000 Like, all the people that lost their fucking minds, he was boys with them. 1.00
03:26:14.000 Really? 0.99
03:26:15.000 I was friends with a lot of them, too.
03:26:16.000 Of course.
03:26:16.000 But he's also friends with Kumia.
03:26:18.000 Yeah, exactly.
03:26:19.000 Is he?
03:26:20.000 He was.
03:26:20.000 DeRose is friendly.
03:26:22.000 He just likes everybody.
03:26:22.000 He's a nice guy.
03:26:24.000 That shit fucked him up. 1.00
03:26:25.000 When everybody split and acted like psychos, that fucked him up. 1.00
03:26:29.000 And he was like, I don't want to do stand-up for this shit. 1.00
03:26:32.000 It's supposed to be for fun and everyone's attacking each other. 0.99
03:26:35.000 This is what?
03:26:35.000 I know.
03:26:36.000 It's strange. 0.98
03:26:37.000 Yeah, if you're Segura making fucking doctor money every show, then it's like... 0.97
03:26:41.000 Sure, for you to do it, it makes sense. 0.97
03:26:43.000 Yeah.
03:26:44.000 Who went harder after Will Smith than Segura?
03:26:47.000 I know. 1.00
03:26:47.000 What a fucking warrior. 1.00
03:26:48.000 It was tweets. 1.00
03:26:50.000 I was impressed. 1.00
03:26:51.000 The bitch was bald. 1.00
03:26:52.000 But it was more that. 1.00
03:26:54.000 She's been cheating on you and been fucking around. 1.00
03:26:57.000 Oh, I didn't see that. 1.00
03:26:58.000 He defended stand-up like he should, like we all should.
03:27:01.000 Like a gangster. 1.00
03:27:02.000 Damn. 1.00
03:27:03.000 Yeah, but it was just, he went off. 1.00
03:27:05.000 And he was totally right.
03:27:07.000 Totally right.
03:27:08.000 That's the thing.
03:27:08.000 He was out there saying it.
03:27:10.000 It was just 100% truth.
03:27:12.000 And everybody had to sit back.
03:27:14.000 Do you not think stand-up is an art form?
03:27:16.000 Then sure, okay, fight people.
03:27:18.000 But then you don't respect us at all.
03:27:20.000 We're not here for us.
03:27:22.000 For you.
03:27:22.000 You're here for us.
03:27:23.000 And he can say it because he's bald.
03:27:25.000 He is bald.
03:27:26.000 Bring it on! 1.00
03:27:27.000 Some crazy shit. 1.00
03:27:28.000 Crazy shit watching that happen. 1.00
03:27:30.000 I still can't believe it's real. 1.00
03:27:31.000 Even watching that video.
03:27:32.000 It's nutty.
03:27:32.000 It's nutty.
03:27:33.000 It's the biggest event in a long time.
03:27:36.000 So much of it is like...
03:27:36.000 Yeah, definitely.
03:27:38.000 It just sucks for Chris Rock. 0.99
03:27:39.000 Sucks for Chris Rock. 1.00
03:27:40.000 It's not fair at all. 1.00
03:27:41.000 He's killing it!
03:27:42.000 I know, but you gotta be humiliated on television. 0.97
03:27:45.000 But still, it's like he's a...
03:27:46.000 Dude, he's a legend.
03:27:48.000 He still is, but... 1.00
03:27:50.000 No, he's a legend, and then that shit happens. 0.99
03:27:53.000 The way he handled it, though, I don't think he lost any stock. 0.99
03:27:56.000 I mean, the man is standing there, guy walks up to him, smacks him in the head, and he's still playing it off like it was a joke. 0.99
03:28:00.000 Oh, he goes, whoa, what the fuck? 1.00
03:28:02.000 Will Smith just smacked the shit out of me. 1.00
03:28:04.000 And I think they were going to laugh it off. 1.00
03:28:07.000 And then when he got serious, he was like, keep my wife's name out of your fucking mouth. 1.00
03:28:11.000 And he said, really? 1.00
03:28:13.000 Don't say off, don't say off, because he didn't. 1.00
03:28:14.000 Out your fucking mouth. 1.00
03:28:15.000 And then he goes, it's a G.I. Jane joke. 1.00
03:28:17.000 It's like, what are you even talking about? 1.00
03:28:18.000 And he yells it again, keep my wife's name out your fucking mouth. 1.00
03:28:23.000 And it's like, wow. 1.00
03:28:24.000 I'm going to.
03:28:25.000 I'll tell you, as someone who's been slapped, it doesn't hurt, so it's an odd thing where it's like, you struck me, but there's no pain associated with it.
03:28:33.000 Yeah, it's a disrespectful thing.
03:28:35.000 It's disrespectful, but it's like, what are you doing?
03:28:36.000 Don't you think everybody here has been slapped?
03:28:38.000 Oh yeah.
03:28:39.000 Yeah.
03:28:40.000 Definitely.
03:28:40.000 I cry.
03:28:41.000 Every time I got slapped, I've cried.
03:28:43.000 I cried once when I got slapped.
03:28:45.000 Definitely.
03:28:46.000 If somebody slaps me, I will cry. 0.96
03:28:48.000 Because it's dead.
03:28:49.000 Why would you do that?
03:28:51.000 Yeah.
03:28:51.000 I've been nothing but nice to you.
03:28:53.000 Why would you slap me?
03:28:55.000 Exactly.
03:28:56.000 If we're comics, though, it's like we're holding a weapon.
03:29:01.000 I know, I'm sure the worst part was he would have loved to... 0.99
03:29:05.000 I'm fucked up. 0.99
03:29:06.000 What did you say? 1.00
03:29:07.000 I said, we're holding a weapon.
03:29:08.000 We're holding a weapon.
03:29:09.000 The microphone. 1.00
03:29:10.000 Shut up. 1.00
03:29:11.000 So we can make fun of people. 1.00
03:29:13.000 Shane, get him.
03:29:14.000 Dude.
03:29:14.000 Shane, come on, have another beer.
03:29:16.000 I'll have another beer.
03:29:17.000 Remember that part in Once Upon a Time in Hollywood where... 0.96
03:29:24.000 Brad Pitt's fighting fucking Bruce Lee, and he's like, if I hit a guy and he dies, my hands are considered... 0.93
03:29:32.000 Luther weapons? 0.99
03:29:33.000 And he's like, yeah, that's how it works.
03:29:35.000 Yeah.
03:29:36.000 You're like, oh, yeah, our mouths are weapons. 1.00
03:29:39.000 Everybody's mouths are fucking weapons, dude. 0.99
03:29:41.000 No, a trained stand-up comic, a three-year stand-up comic is like, oh, you don't know what you're dealing with. 0.99
03:29:45.000 I don't know, man.
03:29:46.000 In that moment when he got smacked, it didn't seem like he knew what to do.
03:29:50.000 No, he had one moment.
03:29:52.000 He's not in the club.
03:29:53.000 There's a clear moment of clarity where he's like...
03:29:57.000 I should go at him, but then he pulled back.
03:29:59.000 There's one part after he gets slapped where he goes, I could.
03:30:03.000 He literally says, I could.
03:30:04.000 But he knows he's in the belly of the beast of Hollywood. 1.00
03:30:07.000 And the thing is, the things you would say at a club on that stage would get you, you'd be like, you dumb fucking bitch of a what? 1.00
03:30:13.000 And it's like, hey, you're sexist. 1.00
03:30:16.000 So being quiet was the ultimate best move. 1.00
03:30:18.000 We all wanted him to say shit. 1.00
03:30:20.000 Professionally. 1.00
03:30:20.000 He played it right. 1.00
03:30:21.000 Imagine if he just went full stand-up. 1.00
03:30:26.000 We all wanted him at least to go, fuck you, or fuck the system, I'm out. 1.00
03:30:29.000 And the joke was obvious. 1.00
03:30:30.000 Keep my wife's name out of your mouth. 1.00
03:30:34.000 It's so easy to just write. 1.00
03:30:35.000 Keep her fucking pussy out of other dudes' mouths. 1.00
03:30:40.000 Also, Ali, Concussion, there's so many movies you could have referenced. 1.00
03:30:44.000 But Chris Rock is a written comic.
03:30:46.000 He goes over material really well, so he's not like a riffer.
03:30:50.000 Big J is a different experience.
03:30:51.000 Sure.
03:30:52.000 But I'm sure he had some B-Squad jokes back in his pocket.
03:30:56.000 I mean, I could do it, and he could do it.
03:30:58.000 Yeah, exactly.
03:30:59.000 If I knew what I could say.
03:31:01.000 This ain't a normal comic.
03:31:02.000 This is Chris Rock.
03:31:04.000 He would eviscerate him.
03:31:06.000 He's from Bed-Stuy.
03:31:07.000 He's got nine brothers.
03:31:08.000 Yeah, if it was at a comedy club...
03:31:11.000 It would be gloves off.
03:31:13.000 Isn't it also an indication that that's a bad place to do comedy?
03:31:16.000 Of course.
03:31:17.000 It's a corporate gig.
03:31:18.000 Yeah.
03:31:19.000 What's the upside?
03:31:20.000 Right.
03:31:20.000 That's exactly what it is.
03:31:21.000 He's like, oh, am I even allowed? 0.99
03:31:22.000 Like, what if you get a heckler at a fucking Lexus convention? 0.99
03:31:25.000 Can you go off on them? 1.00
03:31:26.000 Right.
03:31:28.000 I got heckled opening for Seinfeld.
03:31:30.000 My hands were tied.
03:31:31.000 I was like...
03:31:31.000 Oh, easy there, numbskull.
03:31:34.000 You know, I couldn't say anything because you have to be clean.
03:31:36.000 I went to visit Nate.
03:31:38.000 He was doing a corporate for whatever, some company in Vegas. 0.99
03:31:41.000 So I went and it was like, shitty, it's all these fucking workers there with each other. 0.99
03:31:45.000 And it's like a bad gig. 0.99
03:31:46.000 And then when he gets off, he's like...
03:31:47.000 Let's go play Private Table.
03:31:48.000 That's just for money.
03:31:49.000 Let's go have fun.
03:31:50.000 You did...
03:31:51.000 You opened with Nate?
03:31:52.000 No.
03:31:53.000 I went to hang out with him.
03:31:54.000 I was going to say, I went to hang out with him.
03:31:56.000 It was Nate and Kathleen Madigan and a magician and Wayne Brady.
03:32:01.000 Oh, wow. 0.99
03:32:02.000 Damn, Wayne Brady probably murders. 1.00
03:32:04.000 Clean as the clean. 1.00
03:32:05.000 I haven't heard that guy's name in a long time.
03:32:08.000 What's he doing?
03:32:08.000 Shared a manager for a while.
03:32:09.000 I bet he murders.
03:32:10.000 He seems like a fun guy.
03:32:13.000 He was great on Chappelle's show.
03:32:14.000 That's what I'm saying.
03:32:15.000 He was fun on that.
03:32:16.000 He could make fun of himself.
03:32:17.000 What is he doing?
03:32:19.000 Oh, you know what he does?
03:32:20.000 There's a show.
03:32:21.000 Let's Make a Deal.
03:32:22.000 That show, Let's Make a Deal.
03:32:23.000 Oh, he's still doing that?
03:32:24.000 Wow, he's been doing that for like 15 years then, right?
03:32:27.000 That's good money.
03:32:28.000 No, no, no.
03:32:29.000 When it started, I was working in a car garage in Philly.
03:32:34.000 Quit bragging.
03:32:35.000 And it was always on the TV. Every morning, that show, dude, I watched that show every day.
03:32:41.000 Oh, yeah? 1.00
03:32:42.000 For three years, I watched that fucking show. 1.00
03:32:44.000 Yeah. 1.00
03:32:45.000 And I'd be like, I gotta make a change to my life.
03:32:47.000 I used to watch Price is Right every day.
03:32:48.000 How long has he been on that show?
03:32:50.000 It's not that long.
03:32:52.000 I want to say it's 15 years.
03:32:54.000 I bet it's 8 or 7. Is it still going?
03:32:57.000 I think they might have even started doing it in Vegas.
03:33:00.000 Well, pull it up.
03:33:02.000 It started in 2009. I bet he's a good hang.
03:33:05.000 Oh, okay.
03:33:06.000 I'll tell you a story.
03:33:07.000 12 years.
03:33:09.000 13 years.
03:33:09.000 This is not happening?
03:33:10.000 So it's my job to go over with the comedians.
03:33:13.000 Like, hey, what are you doing?
03:33:14.000 Do you need help?
03:33:14.000 Do you need me to come watch your set and give you tips and stuff?
03:33:17.000 And say whether there's weak spots or whether there's not.
03:33:19.000 Real comics, I wouldn't.
03:33:20.000 Not even real comics.
03:33:21.000 Like, Norman, I'm like, you're covered.
03:33:22.000 Diaz, whatever you want, man.
03:33:24.000 Just come in.
03:33:24.000 Here's the time to be there.
03:33:25.000 But some guys, you go over them.
03:33:26.000 What are you doing?
03:33:27.000 Especially people who don't know the show.
03:33:28.000 So I had to call him.
03:33:30.000 They were like, he can only do a call this time.
03:33:32.000 And I called him.
03:33:33.000 I was like, hey, glad you're doing the show.
03:33:35.000 Thank you.
03:33:36.000 So this is the show.
03:33:37.000 I don't know.
03:33:37.000 Do you have experience with, like, Like, live performance?
03:33:40.000 He goes, do you know who the fuck I am? 0.73
03:33:41.000 Yeah, I do live performance. 0.98
03:33:43.000 And then he pulled out of it.
03:33:44.000 That's fair, though.
03:33:45.000 He pulled out of the show.
03:33:46.000 He was like, I'm not doing this.
03:33:47.000 Really?
03:33:48.000 I was like, he was never going to try.
03:33:50.000 That would bother me, though.
03:33:52.000 He pulled out of the show because you asked him if you've ever done live performance?
03:33:53.000 I was, like, nervous.
03:33:54.000 I was nervous to talk to him.
03:33:55.000 I was like, I liked you on Whose Line Is It Anyway?
03:33:57.000 I don't know.
03:33:58.000 But that was live performance.
03:33:59.000 How could you imagine that he doesn't do live performance?
03:34:01.000 Because I guess he does live shows.
03:34:03.000 He does improv and stuff.
03:34:04.000 I'm like, I don't know.
03:34:04.000 I don't know.
03:34:05.000 I'm just trying to say, like, it started.
03:34:06.000 So I'm like, so here's the show.
03:34:08.000 You can say whatever you want.
03:34:09.000 Wow.
03:34:10.000 I'll protect you with the editing.
03:34:11.000 And he...
03:34:13.000 He was not in the mood.
03:34:13.000 You could just tell he was like...
03:34:15.000 You know the stories when you're on the road of, like, who's the worst at morning radio?
03:34:18.000 You ask the person taking you, and they're like, oh, this guy hates it.
03:34:20.000 And you're like, oh, they hate it because they think they're bigger than this. 0.99
03:34:23.000 It was like, he doesn't want to talk to some guy he's never heard of about how to do his fucking... 0.98
03:34:26.000 I think you missed out there, because I bet he'd have... 1.00
03:34:28.000 Wouldn't it be great to hear some crazy story about him getting cracked, blowing his ass or something? 1.00
03:34:32.000 Yeah, your stupid fucking question ruined everything. 1.00
03:34:34.000 Yeah, yeah. 1.00
03:34:35.000 Nice going, dumbass. 0.99
03:34:37.000 Have you tried to bring that show back somewhere else? 0.99
03:34:40.000 After I do this next special, I feel like I'm going to do it.
03:34:43.000 How good was that?
03:34:44.000 Killer!
03:34:44.000 How good was that storytelling show?
03:34:47.000 At the Gramercy?
03:34:48.000 So I like to do it secret lineup, where it's like, every time I give you a great show, Tell the lineup.
03:34:53.000 Tell the people at home.
03:34:54.000 So, first out the gate, I was like, alright, here's a great show.
03:34:58.000 I haven't told you.
03:34:58.000 Sold out Gramercy just on this is the show.
03:35:00.000 It's coming back.
03:35:01.000 What was the date?
03:35:02.000 What was the date?
03:35:04.000 February 15th?
03:35:06.000 February, something like that.
03:35:08.000 And I was like, alright guys, I do my story.
03:35:11.000 I always try to go up top, do something strong.
03:35:12.000 And then I was like, alright, please welcome first comic.
03:35:16.000 Shane Gillis.
03:35:17.000 They don't know what they're getting.
03:35:18.000 Right.
03:35:19.000 And it was like...
03:35:20.000 And that was the fun part, because I'm not used to a pop.
03:35:24.000 So that pop, I was like...
03:35:26.000 This is gonna be fun!
03:35:27.000 I passed you and I was like, right?
03:35:29.000 Wow! 0.98
03:35:30.000 Even the Asians went nuts. 1.00
03:35:32.000 It was Shane Gillis.
03:35:33.000 Who was next?
03:35:35.000 Shane Gillis.
03:35:36.000 Tim Dillon.
03:35:38.000 Chris DiStefano. 0.98
03:35:42.000 Sal Vulcano had to step in because Norman had to fucking run away to a spot and come back. 0.91
03:35:47.000 I had to get a spot in. 0.97
03:35:50.000 It was around the corner. 1.00
03:35:52.000 You won that fucking Vespa thing? 1.00
03:35:54.000 No, that got stolen. 1.00
03:35:55.000 Again?
03:35:56.000 Well, fun fact, by the way, just to interject here, that got stolen.
03:36:01.000 My friend found it in Chinatown, covered up.
03:36:05.000 I saw the video.
03:36:05.000 He stole it back.
03:36:07.000 Of course.
03:36:07.000 He walked into the police station.
03:36:08.000 I picked it up a week later from the police station.
03:36:10.000 I was on the road.
03:36:11.000 And the guy goes, it's like eight cops milling about.
03:36:14.000 He goes, you sound familiar.
03:36:16.000 And I go, yeah.
03:36:17.000 He goes, were you on Legion of Skanks?
03:36:18.000 I go, oh yeah, a few times.
03:36:20.000 He goes...
03:36:21.000 We love Legion of Skanks! 0.99
03:36:22.000 All the cops do this shirt. 1.00
03:36:24.000 They're doing the hand motion.
03:36:25.000 They're doing the symbol.
03:36:26.000 What is the hand symbol?
03:36:27.000 It's this.
03:36:28.000 It's like...
03:36:28.000 It's a skank hands.
03:36:29.000 It's skank hands. 0.75
03:36:30.000 I don't know.
03:36:31.000 It's their logo.
03:36:32.000 What is skank hands? 0.95
03:36:33.000 What does that mean?
03:36:34.000 It's a Legion of Skanks logo.
03:36:35.000 Dude.
03:36:35.000 Imagine it.
03:36:36.000 There you go.
03:36:37.000 Oh, okay.
03:36:37.000 NYP. What the fuck are you wearing on?
03:36:39.000 Do you have a shirt, dude? 1.00
03:36:39.000 A Legion of Skanks shirt? 1.00
03:36:41.000 Yeah, I got my first shirt from Skankfest 1. You got three layers on there?
03:36:43.000 Damn, you must be sweating. 1.00
03:36:45.000 There you go. 1.00
03:36:46.000 You fool. 1.00
03:36:49.000 He gets belligerent when he gets drunk. 1.00
03:36:52.000 13 beers in.
03:36:53.000 13 beers in.
03:36:55.000 What are you guys talking about, dude?
03:36:57.000 I'm just trying to have a good time.
03:36:58.000 There it is.
03:36:59.000 Oh, he's gonna hate this.
03:37:01.000 Oh, a pedophile shirt?
03:37:02.000 Yeah.
03:37:02.000 I sold this at Skankfest 1. Wow.
03:37:05.000 They sold like hotcakes.
03:37:06.000 They really did.
03:37:07.000 But yeah, so we got the bike back.
03:37:08.000 But yeah, yeah.
03:37:09.000 I was always on foot that night.
03:37:10.000 Who else was on that show?
03:37:11.000 DeStefano.
03:37:12.000 Samarill.
03:37:12.000 Samarill.
03:37:13.000 And somebody else.
03:37:14.000 You.
03:37:15.000 Sal jumped in for you.
03:37:17.000 DeStefano. 1.00
03:37:18.000 It was what a fucking night. 1.00
03:37:19.000 And then we closed it out. 1.00
03:37:20.000 That's a great fucking show. 0.99
03:37:22.000 R.S. Fier's renamed storyteller show is back, and it was a banger. 0.99
03:37:27.000 That's what you've been running with.
03:37:28.000 Renamed Storyteller Show.
03:37:30.000 Who knows what I'll call it, but we should do it again.
03:37:33.000 Maybe at the new club, Joe.
03:37:35.000 It was so good.
03:37:36.000 Let's do it. 1.00
03:37:37.000 Hitting them with a fucking no lineup. 1.00
03:37:41.000 Every time it's a pop. 0.99
03:37:43.000 Because they'd be happy with just a good show.
03:37:45.000 And then they get a guy, not only a guy they know, but an amazing comic that they know.
03:37:51.000 It's so fun to hear that pop from the audience.
03:37:53.000 To give that audience, like, hey, thanks for coming.
03:37:55.000 Here's your reward.
03:37:56.000 And I thought the story I told, I was like, I don't know if this is funny.
03:38:00.000 And then it killed, and I was like, oh, nice.
03:38:02.000 It's a closer.
03:38:02.000 Now I got a closer.
03:38:04.000 Now you got a bit.
03:38:04.000 I told to Tim also.
03:38:06.000 Tim had a great one.
03:38:06.000 And then we did a Q&A at the end, and Sal went in the crowd with a mic and was asking people questions.
03:38:12.000 It was awesome.
03:38:13.000 It all worked out.
03:38:14.000 It all came together.
03:38:15.000 Nice.
03:38:16.000 Yeah, Tim, after that, called our agent, we had the same agent, and he was like, hey, get me in the Gramercy more.
03:38:20.000 Yeah.
03:38:22.000 And then Tim showed us his Long Island house.
03:38:23.000 How many seats is the Gramercy?
03:38:24.000 400. Oh, it's perfect.
03:38:25.000 It's perfect.
03:38:26.000 425. Yeah.
03:38:27.000 We were talking last night, like, if you had to choose between you could do an arena anytime you want, or you could do a 500-seat room for the rest of time.
03:38:35.000 Nah, 500. 280. Yeah, but I mean, that's as big as you get.
03:38:39.000 You never get any bigger than 500, or you could do arenas, but only arenas.
03:38:43.000 I would say no way.
03:38:44.000 No way what?
03:38:45.000 No way I would do only arenas.
03:38:47.000 Areas are wild.
03:38:49.000 I can't even imagine.
03:38:50.000 It's not comedy.
03:38:51.000 It's comedy.
03:38:52.000 Well, it's a presentation more.
03:38:53.000 It's a different style.
03:38:54.000 It's not a vibe.
03:38:55.000 It's not an interaction.
03:38:56.000 What have you done, like, arenas-wise?
03:38:58.000 I did the Garden a couple times.
03:39:00.000 Who'd you do that with? 0.70
03:39:02.000 Schumer, Louie, and then I did Carnegie Hall.
03:39:06.000 That was awesome.
03:39:07.000 The most iconic. 0.99
03:39:08.000 Yeah, I did the Forum, did the fucking hockey arena in Detroit. 0.98
03:39:14.000 I've done a good run. 0.99
03:39:16.000 You just don't like it as much.
03:39:18.000 No, no.
03:39:19.000 It's cool.
03:39:19.000 It's a cool experience.
03:39:20.000 I did a show with O'Neal.
03:39:21.000 We did the Vic in Chicago.
03:39:22.000 I'll be back in June.
03:39:23.000 How is that?
03:39:23.000 And you'll be there, too.
03:39:24.000 I'm there in June.
03:39:25.000 You'll be there the day before me.
03:39:26.000 Hey! 0.99
03:39:26.000 June 17th, June 18th. 0.99
03:39:27.000 I'll promote.
03:39:28.000 Okay, thanks.
03:39:29.000 Come back and see this old guy.
03:39:31.000 We sold it out like three days before. 1.00
03:39:33.000 Come see this fucking dead geezer. 0.99
03:39:34.000 And they go, do you want to do another one? 1.00
03:39:35.000 I'm like, there's no time.
03:39:36.000 There's no time to sell another one.
03:39:37.000 So instead we did Zany's, which is like an 80-seat room.
03:39:40.000 So we went from that 1,200-seat room to an 80-seat room.
03:39:43.000 It was so wildly different.
03:39:45.000 It was so interesting, the change.
03:39:48.000 Well, it was a change just from the rooms in the store.
03:39:51.000 Just the 400 in the main room, 190 in the OR, and then 90 upstairs.
03:39:56.000 Yeah, true. 0.97
03:39:57.000 Big fucking difference is the way it feels. 0.97
03:39:58.000 The thing about those 90-seat rooms, it's like a truth serum. 1.00
03:40:02.000 You find out what's bullshit in your act. 0.97
03:40:03.000 You can kind of get away with a lot of nonsense when there's a large crowd. 1.00
03:40:06.000 When it's a small crowd, everything that you say that sounds insincere sounds like fucking dirt crumbling out of your mouth. 1.00
03:40:15.000 It just seems terrible. 0.99
03:40:17.000 Oh, yeah.
03:40:17.000 No fluidity to it.
03:40:19.000 It just seems... 1.00
03:40:20.000 Shit. 1.00
03:40:21.000 I think I said this on the last ep, but the booze is kicking. 0.99
03:40:24.000 No one remembers.
03:40:25.000 I saw Bill Burr do a bit in the belly room, and it was like, eh.
03:40:29.000 And then he went to the OR, and it did okay, and then he did it in the main room, and it killed, but he tweaked it the whole way.
03:40:35.000 And it was like a master class in comedy.
03:40:37.000 So Burr said to me when it was in New York, he goes, if you use that right, you're going to see how crazy good it is for you.
03:40:43.000 Yeah, all in one building.
03:40:44.000 You do six shows in a night and you just like tweak, tweak, tweak, tweak until it's like there.
03:40:49.000 Yeah. 0.99
03:40:50.000 Right away you get the fucking reps. 1.00
03:40:52.000 This is a gay burr story. 1.00
03:40:54.000 This is funny though. 0.99
03:40:55.000 I love a gay burr. 1.00
03:40:56.000 Spitting his ass? 1.00
03:40:57.000 No, it's about me. 1.00
03:40:58.000 Oh, okay.
03:40:59.000 He's spitting yours?
03:41:00.000 It's more of a me thing.
03:41:01.000 Correct.
03:41:02.000 Of all the dudes I met, like after you get canceled by, and like people know your name, they've never seen you.
03:41:08.000 Yeah.
03:41:09.000 Chappelle, like we went and hung out.
03:41:11.000 Like everybody, Louis, we all hung out and talked.
03:41:15.000 Burr was the one guy he went and saw me, he followed me at the stand.
03:41:19.000 The only thing he said to me, I got done to go, ah, you're funny, you're gonna be fine.
03:41:23.000 It was like, like fully, fully like he watched it to be like, who is this guy?
03:41:29.000 As soon as I walked in that tiny hallway at the stand.
03:41:33.000 Ah, you're funny.
03:41:34.000 You're gonna be fine.
03:41:34.000 That's huge.
03:41:35.000 He told Jay when Jay couldn't afford to go to the Maui festival because he couldn't afford to miss in-town spots for the 200 bucks he was making.
03:41:44.000 Maui?
03:41:45.000 Maui had a festival?
03:41:46.000 Yeah, one year.
03:41:47.000 It was great.
03:41:48.000 That's when we saw that fight.
03:41:49.000 Yeah, but Jay was at the end of his rope.
03:41:52.000 He's like, how am I not making...
03:41:53.000 He's as funny as he is, and he's like, I'm barely getting by.
03:41:57.000 And Burr had to calm down.
03:41:59.000 He's like, dude, the pendulum will swing to alt.
03:42:00.000 It'll swing back.
03:42:01.000 And when it swings back to mainstream, you will be so prepared.
03:42:06.000 Yeah.
03:42:06.000 It's true.
03:42:07.000 That's what happened.
03:42:08.000 There you go.
03:42:08.000 It's doing great now.
03:42:10.000 It happens.
03:42:11.000 Funny tends to win.
03:42:12.000 Funny is like, yeah, bottom line.
03:42:14.000 It's also your ability to promote funny is so much different than ever before.
03:42:19.000 With social media, there's all these channels.
03:42:22.000 You remember the old days we used to do morning radio?
03:42:25.000 You had to.
03:42:25.000 You had to.
03:42:26.000 They had to know you were in town.
03:42:27.000 There was only one way for them to find out you were in town. 1.00
03:42:30.000 You had to do Chucky and Bucky's fucking morning shit bucket. 1.00
03:42:35.000 I'm still doing those. 1.00
03:42:36.000 I am too.
03:42:37.000 Do they work?
03:42:39.000 No.
03:42:40.000 Never.
03:42:41.000 Everybody always says some markets.
03:42:43.000 I mean, Burt does them.
03:42:45.000 Yeah, but Burt does everything.
03:42:46.000 No, there's a few that still work.
03:42:48.000 You have to ask them, like, does this actually move tickets?
03:42:49.000 And they go, I don't know.
03:42:50.000 Then no.
03:42:51.000 I did Rochester.
03:42:53.000 I did the, what's it called?
03:42:54.000 The Blue Room?
03:42:56.000 No, that's insane.
03:42:57.000 That's in Missouri.
03:42:59.000 Rochester's Carlson.
03:43:01.000 Comedy to Carlson.
03:43:02.000 So I did it. 0.99
03:43:03.000 They made me do a fucking Zoom. 0.99
03:43:06.000 Zoom? 0.99
03:43:07.000 I did that too.
03:43:08.000 Dude, I did a zoom to local news.
03:43:10.000 Oh my god.
03:43:11.000 They're like, Sean Gillis.
03:43:12.000 Yeah.
03:43:13.000 And I was just in my hotel room like, hey!
03:43:16.000 He was so bad.
03:43:17.000 Sean Gillis.
03:43:18.000 And I was like, this will never work.
03:43:19.000 This will never work.
03:43:20.000 We get to the club.
03:43:21.000 The owner's there. 0.98
03:43:22.000 The first thing I said on stage, I was like, how many of you guys saw me on fucking WKPM? Yeah. 0.96
03:43:28.000 Not one.
03:43:29.000 And I was like...
03:43:29.000 Can we stop doing it?
03:43:31.000 And he was like, yeah, for sure, never again. 0.91
03:43:34.000 It's silly.
03:43:35.000 Dude, I had to do local news on a Zoom hungover in a chair.
03:43:39.000 You know the chair in the hotel room?
03:43:41.000 Yeah. 0.52
03:43:41.000 The disgusting office chair. 0.52
03:43:44.000 The greatest thing that ever happened to those TV shows was when Tom Segura came up with that DJ dad mouth.
03:43:51.000 Yeah.
03:43:52.000 And he would show up.
03:43:53.000 Because he'd already sold out all his shows.
03:43:54.000 That was when Tom was starting to pop.
03:43:56.000 So they made him do it anyway because it was contractually obligated to have the comics show up at the TV show.
03:44:02.000 So he would show up with a gold chain on and come out as non-binary. 1.00
03:44:05.000 And they didn't know what to do with him.
03:44:08.000 You ever see those?
03:44:09.000 I have, yeah.
03:44:09.000 He's like, I'm not using you to sell tickets.
03:44:11.000 I'm using you to sell tickets next year.
03:44:13.000 This will be on YouTube.
03:44:14.000 You got some great ones.
03:44:16.000 Oh yeah, Norman has some great ones.
03:44:18.000 I had a good run off that.
03:44:20.000 You shared it.
03:44:21.000 I appreciate it.
03:44:22.000 Yeah, you had some good ones.
03:44:23.000 That one helped me a lot.
03:44:24.000 I've done all these Conans in late nights.
03:44:26.000 Not a needle moved.
03:44:27.000 That thing.
03:44:29.000 Big punk, dude.
03:44:30.000 Yeah, those late night things don't work anymore.
03:44:32.000 Tracy Morgan is one of those most iconic clips.
03:44:34.000 Everybody's about to get pregnant. 0.99
03:44:36.000 It's like, I don't even know when we get pregnant.
03:44:38.000 He's slapping his stomach.
03:44:39.000 Bobby Lee, too.
03:44:41.000 Oh, yeah.
03:44:41.000 How many guys, Bert, every time Bert would take off his shirt, those things, I mean, he sells a lot of tickets.
03:44:47.000 The crazy thing about Bert and the shirt thing is nobody can take their shirt off on stage now.
03:44:50.000 He owns that.
03:44:52.000 He owns that.
03:44:53.000 Of course. 1.00
03:44:54.000 Damn. 1.00
03:44:54.000 He owns that. 1.00
03:44:55.000 If Shane, if you just started, oh, I'm going to start taking my shirt off on stage, I'm more comfortable that way, Burt would get mad at you.
03:45:00.000 Shane would never.
03:45:00.000 He'd go, hey.
03:45:01.000 Obviously.
03:45:02.000 Hey, that's my idea.
03:45:03.000 I'm not built like Burt, dude.
03:45:05.000 That's true.
03:45:06.000 Burt's an Adonis. 0.97
03:45:06.000 I'd be like a sloppy fat. 0.97
03:45:09.000 Right. 0.71
03:45:10.000 Take your shirt off and be like, people would be like, nah.
03:45:13.000 Wait.
03:45:13.000 Yeah, this is upsetting.
03:45:14.000 Do you think Burt is not a sloppy fat?
03:45:16.000 Yeah, that's so weird. 0.98
03:45:17.000 He's a hard fat. 0.99
03:45:18.000 No, he's an absolute hard fat. 0.99
03:45:20.000 He looks pregnant. 0.98
03:45:20.000 That's just alcohol. 0.98
03:45:22.000 Yeah.
03:45:23.000 It's pushed out as far as we can go.
03:45:25.000 I think if he wasn't fat, he would be in worse health.
03:45:30.000 Sorry, I'm drunk. 0.89
03:45:31.000 He'd be in worse health.
03:45:32.000 I think the fat is helping him.
03:45:34.000 Get one more whiskey.
03:45:35.000 You should be a doctor.
03:45:38.000 I think if he was thin, he'd be ruined.
03:45:40.000 You're right. 0.99
03:45:42.000 I think you're doing good, fat.
03:45:44.000 I think fat is where you shine.
03:45:48.000 Yeah.
03:45:48.000 Oh boy.
03:45:49.000 Look out for the big girls. 1.00
03:45:52.000 Yeah, they're coming.
03:45:53.000 14 beers in.
03:45:54.000 I am astounded. 0.99
03:45:55.000 He's crazy, dude. 1.00
03:45:56.000 He's going to destroy Australia. 1.00
03:45:58.000 He's going to bury the whole country. 0.96
03:46:00.000 You're going to have a blast.
03:46:01.000 It's fun.
03:46:02.000 UK in May.
03:46:04.000 See how they drink?
03:46:05.000 That should be fun.
03:46:07.000 This is all light beer, dude.
03:46:09.000 The second we switch to IPAs.
03:46:11.000 Oh, IPAs are evil.
03:46:12.000 Dude, I black out after like two.
03:46:14.000 Yeah, me too.
03:46:15.000 Immediately.
03:46:16.000 How much alcohol is in a light beer?
03:46:18.000 Nothing.
03:46:19.000 I thought it was a calorie thing.
03:46:20.000 Is it alcohol by volume as well?
03:46:23.000 That's water.
03:46:25.000 Dude, you can't drink 14-anythings.
03:46:28.000 You can?
03:46:29.000 I can't drink 14 Pepsis. 1.00
03:46:31.000 How the fuck can you drink 14 of those, man? 1.00
03:46:33.000 That's a lot of water. 0.99
03:46:35.000 That's a lot of it.
03:46:36.000 I may have diabetes.
03:46:37.000 I probably do have diabetes.
03:46:39.000 If you drink 14 water, it's gonna be a lot.
03:46:41.000 I'll never check.
03:46:43.000 I'll never go to the doctor.
03:46:45.000 Don't check if you have diabetes.
03:46:47.000 I'm never going to the doctor.
03:46:48.000 Don't go.
03:46:49.000 That's how you get diabetes is by checking.
03:46:51.000 Yeah, dude.
03:46:51.000 You ever see Warren Zevon go on Letterman?
03:46:53.000 No.
03:46:54.000 I like him.
03:46:55.000 Yeah, I never went to the doctor.
03:46:57.000 I showed up once.
03:46:57.000 They were like, you got lung cancer.
03:46:59.000 He was like, fuck the doctors. 1.00
03:47:01.000 Yeah, yeah. 1.00
03:47:03.000 Dude, I went to an allergist because I knew I was going to get fucked up. 0.90
03:47:08.000 The last, like, three years, I get destroyed by allergies. 0.96
03:47:12.000 I get in there, they check my blood pressure, they're like, you alright? 0.99
03:47:16.000 I was like, what the fuck is this, dude? 1.00
03:47:18.000 Fuck you. 1.00
03:47:19.000 That's the worst part about going to the doctor. 1.00
03:47:21.000 They're like, how much do you weigh?
03:47:22.000 You're like, 240. They're like, alright, let's weigh you.
03:47:25.000 Like, no, no, I'll take my work for you.
03:47:26.000 Like, why don't you ask me after you?
03:47:28.000 Yeah, right?
03:47:29.000 Why you asking?
03:47:30.000 Just weigh me.
03:47:30.000 They're like, 268. It's like, alright.
03:47:32.000 Let's weigh you.
03:47:33.000 Well, I was fibbing.
03:47:35.000 Fibbing. 0.99
03:47:37.000 Hey, Bert told me he'd finally give me the fucking Molly cast to release. 0.99
03:47:40.000 The who? 1.00
03:47:41.000 The MDMA cast.
03:47:43.000 You gonna let that out?
03:47:44.000 Yeah, he said he'd give it to me and let me put it up.
03:47:46.000 I don't think he's giving you that.
03:47:47.000 Is it his show?
03:47:48.000 He recorded it, yeah.
03:47:49.000 He's not giving you that.
03:47:51.000 Molly rules. 0.91
03:47:52.000 Is he forgiving you for all that? 0.98
03:47:54.000 Yeah, but he still loves to fucking say how fucking victimized he was on every podcast he goes on. 1.00
03:47:59.000 A dork. 1.00
03:48:00.000 I'm bummed I missed that hang. 0.99
03:48:01.000 I got caught in traffic.
03:48:02.000 We had a dose for you. 1.00
03:48:04.000 Damn. 1.00
03:48:05.000 Were you gonna dose him without telling him to? 1.00
03:48:06.000 Yeah.
03:48:07.000 How would you have thought about that?
03:48:08.000 I was hanging out in LA. I'm on vacation.
03:48:11.000 So you're fine getting dosed?
03:48:13.000 Yeah.
03:48:14.000 Bring it on.
03:48:14.000 Now you know.
03:48:15.000 Yeah, if you get hit with Molly, it's like, oh shit, you just hit me with the best time of all time. 0.99
03:48:22.000 You're getting Molly from Ari, who's getting it from some comic, who's probably getting it from a gangbanger. 0.99
03:48:26.000 For sure.
03:48:27.000 Who knows what's in it?
03:48:28.000 You can get it from Kate Quigley, I'll take it.
03:48:30.000 It's something I've never done with Molly.
03:48:33.000 Where are you getting your Molly from?
03:48:35.000 Are you testing it for purity?
03:48:36.000 The best source in New York!
03:48:38.000 Oh.
03:48:38.000 I gotta do it once every year.
03:48:40.000 I do it once a month.
03:48:42.000 Easy there, old man.
03:48:44.000 I was doing it for a minute.
03:48:46.000 I was doing it over COVID. I was doing it once every two weeks.
03:48:49.000 Come on! 0.61
03:48:50.000 You were doing it all the time.
03:48:51.000 I was doing a show at Helium.
03:48:53.000 I remember that.
03:48:53.000 Yeah, you did Molly at that.
03:48:54.000 You did Molly at a show?
03:48:56.000 That was bad.
03:48:56.000 Every time.
03:48:57.000 I had to get out of there.
03:48:58.000 It was the first time I ever did Molly and Jay brought me back on stage.
03:49:03.000 It was ugly.
03:49:04.000 So we ordered Molly, and they kind of peer pressured us into doing it.
03:49:08.000 And Jay, I took Molly.
03:49:10.000 I was like, I never take Molly in my life.
03:49:11.000 Shane goes for it.
03:49:12.000 Shane will go for it.
03:49:13.000 And Jay was like, Shane, come back out on stage.
03:49:16.000 As soon as he said that, I was in the green room.
03:49:19.000 Dude, it hit immediately.
03:49:22.000 I went on stage just like...
03:49:24.000 Sweating.
03:49:25.000 I was like, guys, I can't even talk.
03:49:27.000 Yeah.
03:49:27.000 I was like, genuinely, I can't speak.
03:49:29.000 I remember that.
03:49:30.000 I was like, guys, I'm on ecstasy.
03:49:33.000 But that was the best.
03:49:35.000 I'm spitting coffee on myself.
03:49:36.000 Sloss got Kai Humphries.
03:49:38.000 He's Scottish, Northern English comics.
03:49:41.000 And he dosed him with Molly.
03:49:42.000 And they're watching him on stage host his show. 1.00
03:49:44.000 And they're just watching him get more and more fucked up. 0.99
03:49:46.000 And be like, oh, what a great show. 0.99
03:49:47.000 You guys are amazing.
03:49:48.000 It's awesome.
03:49:49.000 And they're all laughing backstage.
03:49:51.000 And he gets off stage and they're all ready to laugh.
03:49:53.000 And he goes... 1.00
03:49:53.000 Idiots, you think this is the first time I've been dosed with Molly? 1.00
03:49:56.000 You don't think I know what's in my system suddenly? 1.00
03:49:59.000 It's been so long.
03:50:01.000 That was years ago when I did it.
03:50:02.000 Was it two years ago, three years ago?
03:50:04.000 No, it was COVID. It was two years ago, okay.
03:50:09.000 I took a bus ride home that night.
03:50:11.000 That was the craziest thing on it.
03:50:12.000 That you didn't stay over.
03:50:13.000 I just panicked.
03:50:14.000 I get it, because we were surrounded by Jay's minions.
03:50:18.000 Yes. 0.98
03:50:18.000 So it was like, alright, let's get the fuck out. 0.98
03:50:20.000 Anytime I took Molly at that show, I would go sit in the manager's office by myself. 0.98
03:50:24.000 Right.
03:50:25.000 Anytime I took Molly at that show was a hilarious statement. 0.91
03:50:28.000 How many times did you take Molly at it?
03:50:30.000 Many times yes, many times no.
03:50:32.000 It was a great show.
03:50:33.000 It was such a good show.
03:50:34.000 It was a good show, and the bus ride was great.
03:50:36.000 And we were the only ones doing it, because it was in the middle of COVID. Right.
03:50:40.000 Helium would just let us do it. 0.95
03:50:42.000 And Grossman was like, stay, stay as long as you want.
03:50:44.000 Oh, dude, we would stay until 5am.
03:50:46.000 What was he doing?
03:50:47.000 Was he testing people?
03:50:48.000 Was he just letting anybody in?
03:50:49.000 How'd he do it?
03:50:50.000 What's that?
03:50:50.000 At Helium during the middle of COVID? No, dude.
03:50:53.000 I don't think testing...
03:50:55.000 If you could fill it up.
03:50:56.000 Spaced it out.
03:50:57.000 Yeah, you spaced it out. 1.00
03:50:59.000 That shit does not work at all. 1.00
03:51:00.000 Not at all. 1.00
03:51:02.000 No glass or anything.
03:51:03.000 That six feet thing, that's so crazy.
03:51:05.000 You get 180 people indoors going...
03:51:09.000 I was like, how's that going to work?
03:51:11.000 That was disproven.
03:51:12.000 Totally disproven.
03:51:13.000 Yeah, but there was also, there was no precedent.
03:51:16.000 There was no like, do you guys have vaxes?
03:51:18.000 There was no vax. 0.97
03:51:20.000 When time goes by and we look back on the time during COVID of stand-up and trying to do stand-up during COVID and what Bert did when he did the drive-in theaters and what we all did with podcasts and It's fucking crazy.
03:51:33.000 Roofs, rooftops, parking lots.
03:51:35.000 The New York City five to ten year comic scene just said, we're not going away, we'll create shows.
03:51:42.000 In LA, they wouldn't let them.
03:51:43.000 They wouldn't let them do outside shows.
03:51:45.000 It's one of the worst things about the way they handled, you know, for comedy, the pandemic.
03:51:49.000 They wouldn't even let them do outside shows.
03:51:51.000 It's like they were trying to kill comedy.
03:51:53.000 Right. 0.95
03:51:54.000 I thought, I don't know, when New York did the whole fucking upstairs show, like rooftop shows, it was like, I'll just do the road. 0.95
03:52:03.000 I'll just go do the states. 0.98
03:52:04.000 The states that don't care.
03:52:06.000 Yeah, I did both.
03:52:07.000 Florida, Texas.
03:52:08.000 New York Comedy Club's rooftop was great.
03:52:10.000 Tiny Cupboard was great.
03:52:11.000 Well, I did Texas in July of 2020 with Brian Moses and Hinchcliffe.
03:52:16.000 We did the improv in Houston. 0.96
03:52:18.000 It was fucking great. 0.97
03:52:19.000 And we were flying back, and we were like, you know what? 0.98
03:52:22.000 We're back. 1.00
03:52:22.000 Fuck this. 1.00
03:52:23.000 We're doing comedy. 1.00
03:52:24.000 But then I got back to my podcast studio, and I got so Super-duper high.
03:52:28.000 And I thought, oh my god, what if I killed somebody?
03:52:30.000 What if I gave COVID someone?
03:52:31.000 Of course.
03:52:32.000 Nice person who came on my show, and I give it to them, and I'm like, it's too risky.
03:52:35.000 And they give it to their dad. 0.99
03:52:36.000 No fucking way. 0.99
03:52:37.000 But then they started having, like, real testing. 0.99
03:52:40.000 And then testing came around.
03:52:42.000 And when we came here, we have nurses. 0.98
03:52:44.000 We test every fucking day, and then we did these shows at Stubbs, the outside shows. 0.98
03:52:49.000 And the outside shows that I was doing with Dave were fucking amazing, and I was like, wow, this is the way we can do comedy. 0.98
03:52:54.000 We can do it this way. 0.84
03:52:55.000 Everybody gets tested.
03:52:56.000 We have a COVID bubble.
03:52:57.000 But then we did one show at the Vulcan on a Thursday night in December, and it was packed.
03:53:04.000 There was no social distancing.
03:53:06.000 Everybody was hammered.
03:53:08.000 It was like a regular show. 1.00
03:53:09.000 And Ron White went up there and fucking murdered. 0.99
03:53:12.000 He hadn't done any comedy in like eight months. 0.99
03:53:14.000 He was saying he was retired.
03:53:15.000 Basically, I'm retired.
03:53:16.000 I'm going to sail my boat.
03:53:18.000 I'm going to sail my plane. 0.99
03:53:19.000 I'm going to fucking play golf. 0.99
03:53:22.000 Like, you know, he's a shit ton of money. 0.99
03:53:24.000 He's done it all.
03:53:24.000 And he's like, I'm done.
03:53:25.000 And then Tony was like, we're going to do this show Thursday night.
03:53:28.000 You should come on and just do a set.
03:53:29.000 Just do 10 minutes.
03:53:30.000 Ron White goes up there and annihilates. 0.99
03:53:35.000 Annihilates.
03:53:36.000 And then I'm walking towards the stage I was on after him, he grabs me by his shoulder and goes, we're gonna keep doing this! 0.99
03:53:41.000 No matter what the fuck happens! 0.98
03:53:44.000 We're gonna keep doing this! 0.99
03:53:45.000 That was the best part.
03:53:46.000 That was the best part of COVID. It was like, you go into, like, the first time I did a full room was hyenas.
03:53:51.000 Yeah.
03:53:51.000 In Texas.
03:53:52.000 So exciting. 1.00
03:53:53.000 Because I was up north where it was all shit. 0.99
03:53:55.000 And then you go into hyenas and you walk into a room and you're like... 1.00
03:53:59.000 You're scared?
03:54:00.000 Yes. 1.00
03:54:00.000 You're like, holy shit, this is crazy. 1.00
03:54:02.000 Yes. 1.00
03:54:03.000 Like, I'm not, like, afraid of COVID, but, like, you guys are fucking crazy. 0.98
03:54:07.000 When we did Vulcan, Vulcan was the perfect, because it was jammed. 0.97
03:54:11.000 There was, like, 290 people in there, low ceiling, a lot of fucking hard surfaces, so the echo, I was like, oh my god, this is way better than outside comedy. 0.75
03:54:20.000 Yeah, of course. 0.99
03:54:20.000 Outside comedy is I saw Burr outside in Dripping Springs in the middle of the pandemic and he fucking killed. 0.99
03:54:32.000 It was awesome. 0.98
03:54:33.000 People were happy to be out too.
03:54:35.000 I was happy to be out.
03:54:36.000 It was a great It's a great show, don't get me wrong. 0.99
03:54:38.000 But that same show, put a roof over it, people would've had fucking strokes. 0.99
03:54:42.000 Forget about it. 0.92
03:54:43.000 We were all hanging out at Central Park once, you might have been there with Liz and everything, and Louie showed up, and Sarah, Joseph's wife, had to go across Central Park to do an outside show under a tree.
03:54:52.000 I remember that.
03:54:53.000 And he goes, I can't...
03:54:55.000 Louie was like, I can't...
03:54:56.000 Just inside where the laughs are bouncing off.
03:54:59.000 I just want that back.
03:54:59.000 You wouldn't do Hamilton outside.
03:55:01.000 It just doesn't work.
03:55:02.000 It's any performance.
03:55:03.000 It's not just comedy.
03:55:04.000 I did those parking lot shows where they'd flash the beams and then they'd honk.
03:55:10.000 If you really killed, you got the wipers.
03:55:13.000 But they were brutal.
03:55:15.000 But you just had to get out of the house.
03:55:16.000 You had to kind of do comedy.
03:55:17.000 It's better than no comedy.
03:55:19.000 The best thing was at the stand, the front patio, you guys all did it, right?
03:55:22.000 And it was just like...
03:55:24.000 The show was whatever, but then afterwards was hanging out with the tail and you guys just staying out there for four hours to like, oh, we're friends again.
03:55:31.000 Yeah, but all you had to do was the road.
03:55:34.000 And you would never, dude, I was in states that didn't care.
03:55:39.000 Texas, Florida.
03:55:40.000 Dude, all of it.
03:55:41.000 Florida never cared. 0.90
03:55:43.000 Florida never cared once. 1.00
03:55:44.000 And then I would drive or fly home And then all of a sudden you'd land and be like, oh shit, there's a pandemic. 0.99
03:55:52.000 Yeah, exactly. 0.98
03:55:53.000 Like you would land and be like, oh, this is scary.
03:55:55.000 But meanwhile, you look at like Florida where you adjust for age, they didn't do any worse than anybody else did that locked down.
03:56:02.000 Yeah.
03:56:03.000 It's a respiratory illness.
03:56:05.000 People get it.
03:56:06.000 They're going to get it.
03:56:06.000 The best thing anybody could have ever done is like take care of yourself and seek medical help immediately upon catching it.
03:56:12.000 Get a good doctor, get good treatment if you're lucky.
03:56:14.000 This is all pre-vaccination, right? 0.65
03:56:16.000 Yeah. 0.98
03:56:17.000 But locking people down didn't do shit. 0.81
03:56:19.000 It didn't help. 0.89
03:56:20.000 But you gotta give New York...
03:56:21.000 New York's an exemption. 1.00
03:56:23.000 Fuck New York. 1.00
03:56:25.000 You heard me. 1.00
03:56:27.000 I'm not offended.
03:56:28.000 It was the worst city in the world. 1.00
03:56:29.000 I don't give a fuck. 1.00
03:56:30.000 LA was just as bad. 0.99
03:56:32.000 At least New York let you do outside shows already.
03:56:34.000 LA was worse.
03:56:35.000 I'm saying in March or April of 2020, it was the worst city for COVID in the world.
03:56:40.000 So it was like, oh, just the numbers were crazy there.
03:56:43.000 China was like, no, we're done with COVID. And so it was like, oh shit, what do we got to do? 0.99
03:56:48.000 So I get why it was on our minds, but then we started doing outside shows. 1.00
03:56:51.000 Yeah, but also New York, if at the beginning New York was like, fuck it, it's not real. 1.00
03:56:57.000 You know how many old fucking Jews would have died? 1.00
03:57:01.000 That would have been a hell. 1.00
03:57:03.000 It's funny you said that because the Orthodox Jewish community...
03:57:06.000 Hasidic. 0.99
03:57:07.000 Hasidic. 0.99
03:57:07.000 Hasidic. 0.99
03:57:07.000 Was it Hasidic? 0.99
03:57:08.000 They didn't give a shit. 1.00
03:57:08.000 They didn't stop doing anything. 1.00
03:57:10.000 They were partying, dude.
03:57:10.000 They were getting arrested.
03:57:12.000 Yeah, they kept inbreeding.
03:57:14.000 It wasn't Orthodox or just the Hasidics?
03:57:16.000 The Hasidics were the one group in New York that were like, no. 0.55
03:57:22.000 No, yeah.
03:57:23.000 It's so weird because they try to make it a redneck thing, but then there's also these other vibes that don't quite fit in.
03:57:28.000 Hasidics, or the crystal people in Berkeley, who are also anti-vax.
03:57:33.000 The hippies!
03:57:33.000 You try to make it one thing, or the Joe Rogan fans are all meatheads.
03:57:36.000 No, no, no.
03:57:36.000 There's psychedelic heads, and there's meatheads, and there's all these different styles.
03:57:40.000 You want to make it one thing, but it's not.
03:57:42.000 No, no.
03:57:42.000 We do that.
03:57:43.000 We try to put everything in a bin.
03:57:44.000 That's the internet.
03:57:45.000 Well, that was highlighted in that movie, The Social Dilemma.
03:57:50.000 I mean, what's going on with this division that people are experiencing right now.
03:57:55.000 Right, right.
03:57:55.000 We were talking about what happened during the pandemic when everybody was at each other's throats.
03:57:58.000 That's part of it is that what you said is perfect, that now they're forced to be online.
03:58:04.000 They're online way more, so it's hitting them even harder.
03:58:06.000 And you got the anxiety of the pandemic, and then you got a lot of people's careers were disappearing. 0.97
03:58:11.000 A lot of people's livelihood, all their savings, and then you're worried about dying from a fucking infectious disease that was probably made in a lab. 0.99
03:58:19.000 And you're like, holy shit, is this real? 0.99
03:58:22.000 Let me ask you a question I've never got. 0.99
03:58:23.000 It's also fun to say probably.
03:58:24.000 Yeah, when I hear about this.
03:58:26.000 It was.
03:58:26.000 We can say it's made in a lab, we can't say it's made in a lab, now we can say it's made in a lab.
03:58:30.000 Now you can.
03:58:30.000 What is the benefit or negative of being able to say it's in a lab or not?
03:58:34.000 I'll answer that.
03:58:36.000 Here's the truth.
03:58:37.000 If you say it was made in a lab, somebody needs to be held accountable.
03:58:41.000 And the dudes that are in power that should be held accountable are like, no, no, no, no, no.
03:58:49.000 That's the only reason? 1.00
03:58:50.000 Some Chinese guy ate a fucking armadillo. 1.00
03:58:53.000 No, there's no solid, direct proof. 1.00
03:58:57.000 There's a lot of anecdotal evidence.
03:58:59.000 There's a lot of evidence.
03:59:00.000 There's a lot of emails back and forth. 0.99
03:59:03.000 There's a lot of shit that points to that lab in Wuhan. 1.00
03:59:06.000 A lot of shit. 0.99
03:59:07.000 There's a lot of lying about what is and what isn't, gain-of-function research, and whether or not they were doing it, whether or not they were funding it. 1.00
03:59:14.000 They most fucking certainly were. 0.85
03:59:16.000 And they continue to fund it. 0.99
03:59:17.000 What do liberals have to gain by saying it was not made in love?
03:59:20.000 Because it's on the team.
03:59:21.000 Their team at the top is Fauci, who's absolutely connected.
03:59:26.000 And he says it's not, so now we all know it's not. 0.99
03:59:28.000 To the lab that made the fucking thing. 0.98
03:59:29.000 But then they call it racist if you call it the Kung Flu or whatever, but then Asian people are getting beat up and nobody talks about that. 1.00
03:59:36.000 Well, because it's black people beating up the Asians. 1.00
03:59:39.000 Black homeless people. 1.00
03:59:40.000 Exactly. 0.98
03:59:40.000 It's like, do you really care or not? 0.98
03:59:41.000 Do you really give a shit? 0.99
03:59:42.000 I don't want to ruin Chappelle's joke. 1.00
03:59:44.000 Do you ever hear that one?
03:59:45.000 Which one?
03:59:46.000 No.
03:59:46.000 Where he's like, I got COVID in my immune system.
03:59:49.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 0.98
03:59:51.000 His immune system was black dudes. 1.00
03:59:54.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 0.97
03:59:54.000 And the COVID came in and it was Asians. 0.97
03:59:56.000 They're like, shut up. 1.00
03:59:59.000 Oh, fuck. 1.00
04:00:01.000 Well, I mean, that was the joke. 1.00
04:00:02.000 The amount of violence that has escalated in cities like New York.
04:00:05.000 I ruined it.
04:00:06.000 I mean, the amount of violence that's escalated in New York is off the charts, right?
04:00:09.000 It's, like, way higher than it's ever been in the last, like, ten years or so.
04:00:13.000 But I'm saying there's a lot of that...
04:00:15.000 Austin. 1.00
04:00:16.000 ...performative shit. 1.00
04:00:16.000 Mutters are up in Austin at record levels. 1.00
04:00:18.000 Austin's out of control, dude. 1.00
04:00:20.000 It's these fucking... 1.00
04:00:21.000 They have gang shootings. 1.00
04:00:23.000 Yeah, on 6th Street, dude.
04:00:24.000 I think crime across the country is way up, and New York crime is up at a lower rate than the rest of the country. 0.99
04:00:30.000 They just hit random fucking dudes. 0.97
04:00:31.000 New York is at the lower rate of rise than the rest of the country? 1.00
04:00:34.000 Lower rate of rise, yeah.
04:00:35.000 It's higher, but not as high as other places.
04:00:38.000 Really?
04:00:38.000 Los Angeles is off the charts.
04:00:40.000 With gang?
04:00:41.000 Yeah.
04:00:41.000 Oh, I didn't know that.
04:00:42.000 Well, not just gang, it's just break-ins, you know, people robbing people.
04:00:46.000 How about those San Francisco lootings, like the group lootings? 0.99
04:00:49.000 Dude, you just walk into a fucking Gucci. 0.99
04:00:51.000 Yeah. 1.00
04:00:51.000 Flash mob. 1.00
04:00:52.000 Wow, what a great idea.
04:00:54.000 Good for them.
04:00:54.000 And then you're a security guard.
04:00:56.000 You're like... 1.00
04:00:57.000 Fuck it. 1.00
04:00:58.000 This is where I sat there at Broken Shows in Calgary. 1.00
04:01:00.000 I was like, hey guys, they won't let you smoke weed, but if you all light up, they can't do shit. 0.98
04:01:06.000 How are they going to stop you? 0.97
04:01:07.000 They're going to stop the show.
04:01:08.000 That's what they'll do. 0.99
04:01:09.000 The weird thing is that they didn't anticipate that people would just walk into Walgreens and steal $900 worth of shit if you made it. 0.99
04:01:15.000 Make it illegal to steal a thousand. 0.96
04:01:17.000 If you make it public.
04:01:18.000 It's just like, hey, here's the limit.
04:01:20.000 You don't pick it up.
04:01:21.000 Those kiosks where they have internet access and stuff like that.
04:01:24.000 Like, oh, this is cool.
04:01:24.000 Tourists can be able to plug in their phone and get internet access.
04:01:27.000 And it's like, oh, it's just a homeless encampment.
04:01:29.000 Yeah.
04:01:29.000 Oh, we didn't consider that.
04:01:31.000 Oh, yeah.
04:01:32.000 But again, it's a performance.
04:01:33.000 Because like you say, you care about people.
04:01:35.000 When the rubber meets the road, fat people are dying.
04:01:37.000 But you can't say lose weight.
04:01:39.000 Right.
04:01:39.000 So it's just this weird thing of like, do you care or not?
04:01:42.000 Have you really cared?
04:01:43.000 The left is the party of the gesture.
04:01:45.000 They love saying they're for something, but not actually doing anything.
04:01:48.000 They love just saying, like, look what I support.
04:01:50.000 But it's like, what have you done to get that?
04:01:53.000 Yeah, you can say it.
04:01:56.000 How much is saying it changing anything other than just saying it?
04:01:58.000 And they're literally doing nothing different than the Republicans.
04:02:02.000 Right, in terms of, like, globally.
04:02:05.000 Well, they are doing things different in terms of oil.
04:02:08.000 And that's part of the problem.
04:02:10.000 We should go nuclear. 0.74
04:02:11.000 Yeah.
04:02:11.000 Love nuclear.
04:02:12.000 I mean, what's the hold up there?
04:02:14.000 Well, people have an association with nuclear disasters.
04:02:17.000 They have an association with Three Mile Island, Fukushima, Chernobyl.
04:02:21.000 717, let's go.
04:02:23.000 As if a coal mine has never fallen through.
04:02:26.000 Sorry.
04:02:27.000 As if what?
04:02:27.000 As if a coal mine has never fallen through.
04:02:29.000 No one's ever died.
04:02:31.000 Nobody died at TMI. Exactly.
04:02:34.000 TMI. Three Mile Island.
04:02:37.000 Oh, sorry.
04:02:38.000 TMI. I was like, what?
04:02:40.000 Too much information?
04:02:41.000 Where I'm from?
04:02:42.000 That's TMI. They know how to make way better nuclear reactors now than they ever did before.
04:02:46.000 Of course.
04:02:46.000 They're so much better at these power plants.
04:02:48.000 They can make them with multiple fail-safes so that if anything goes down, everything's protected and they can get them back online.
04:02:54.000 The one they did in Fukushima was like from the 1970s or something. 0.99
04:02:56.000 Dude, Fukushima is a fucking nightmare. 1.00
04:02:58.000 It's a mess. 1.00
04:03:00.000 Really?
04:03:01.000 Yeah, you can't go.
04:03:03.000 Still?
04:03:03.000 Like, they can't clean it up.
04:03:05.000 Can you go to Chernobyl or no still?
04:03:06.000 Yeah, well...
04:03:07.000 The Russians are in Chernobyl right now, shooting bulletproof wolves. 0.99
04:03:10.000 And then they got out of there.
04:03:12.000 Oh, Chernobyl's not in Russia?
04:03:13.000 They just got out of there.
04:03:14.000 Really?
04:03:14.000 Yeah.
04:03:15.000 The Russians, I don't know.
04:03:17.000 The news I saw was they evacuated Chernobyl.
04:03:20.000 What is happening over there?
04:03:21.000 No one knows, dude.
04:03:23.000 Did you see that?
04:03:24.000 We're getting hit with pure, like...
04:03:26.000 The craziest propaganda.
04:03:29.000 What propaganda do you think we're getting hit with?
04:03:30.000 We're getting hit with, like, we need to make it a no-fly zone. 0.98
04:03:33.000 We need to shoot down every Russian... 1.00
04:03:36.000 We're getting hit with that. 1.00
04:03:37.000 That is wild talk.
04:03:39.000 Yeah, that's wild talk, dude.
04:03:40.000 That's reckless.
04:03:41.000 Did you see that? 1.00
04:03:42.000 We shoot down a fucking jet from Russia. 1.00
04:03:43.000 That's a real problem. 1.00
04:03:45.000 They're gonna...
04:03:45.000 They have hypersonic nukes.
04:03:48.000 Wow.
04:03:48.000 We don't have hypersonic nukes.
04:03:50.000 Did you see that thing that some Republican, I think Republican senator, was interviewing some, like, a war...
04:03:56.000 Oh, they're falling ill.
04:03:58.000 They got sick.
04:03:58.000 Of course they are, dude.
04:04:00.000 It's still radioactive, bro.
04:04:02.000 It's still beaming out, radiation. 0.99
04:04:03.000 It's beaming out for fucking the next hundred thousand years. 0.99
04:04:05.000 When those places go bad, they're bad forever. 0.99
04:04:08.000 Did you watch Chernobyl?
04:04:09.000 For a thousand years.
04:04:11.000 What were you saying?
04:04:12.000 I think it's more than that.
04:04:13.000 What were you saying, Art?
04:04:15.000 And she goes...
04:04:30.000 No, I can't say that.
04:04:33.000 Yeah, and then they admitted there's like 24 labs.
04:04:35.000 Yeah, and then he goes, well, can you say if it is used, it would definitely be the Russians?
04:04:39.000 She goes, sure, I'll say that.
04:04:41.000 You know what's crazy is they call them biological research labs.
04:04:44.000 Now, okay, what is the difference between a biological weapons lab and a biological research lab?
04:04:51.000 Like, is there a distinction?
04:04:52.000 Like, what are you doing?
04:04:55.000 What's going on?
04:04:55.000 That's the PR. If you didn't tell me that they existed, and now you're telling me they do exist, and you're calling them a biological research lab, that was always like the crazy right-wing conspiracy theory, was that the Ukrainians have their fucking bioweapons labs, and people are like, shut up, no they don't.
04:05:10.000 And they're like, uh, actually we do. 0.62
04:05:12.000 I distrust the media so much that I'm like, wait, why is Putin going in there?
04:05:16.000 I don't believe it's just that it's evil.
04:05:18.000 There's got to be an actual other reason.
04:05:20.000 But it's evil too.
04:05:21.000 That's the problem.
04:05:22.000 He's clearly also poisoning his political ally.
04:05:26.000 But it's like 9-11 was because they hate our freedom.
04:05:28.000 And then after five years, we're like, wait.
04:05:29.000 No, that wasn't it.
04:05:31.000 Remember when you guys were dancing in New Jersey?
04:05:33.000 I love those dances, dude.
04:05:34.000 You put a turban on and never those dances. 0.98
04:05:36.000 You guys are dancing.
04:05:37.000 In the circle.
04:05:38.000 Yeah, dude. 0.75
04:05:39.000 Such a sick dance. 0.98
04:05:40.000 I'll give the Jews credit on that one. 1.00
04:05:42.000 Jews party.
04:05:43.000 You got a good dance.
04:05:44.000 Every party.
04:05:44.000 Everyone can do it.
04:05:45.000 You don't have to learn the dance.
04:05:46.000 It's just dancing in a circle.
04:05:47.000 Jumping up and down on the bleachers and the Jews in the middle. 1.00
04:05:51.000 You ever see the remakes?
04:05:52.000 You get some hip-hop and you have the Jews dancing to the hip-hop? 1.00
04:05:55.000 Yeah, they're the best.
04:05:56.000 They're the best.
04:05:56.000 The best ever.
04:05:57.000 Where are you at on the hot seeds?
04:05:58.000 Is that weird?
04:06:00.000 What do you mean?
04:06:01.000 Yeah, it's so nutty.
04:06:03.000 Oh, yeah.
04:06:04.000 The extreme part? 0.92
04:06:05.000 The sex through the sheet?
04:06:07.000 Yeah, I don't know if that's real. 0.93
04:06:08.000 I actually support that.
04:06:09.000 Oh, it's real.
04:06:10.000 I support Mormons soaking. 1.00
04:06:12.000 Soaking is great. 1.00
04:06:13.000 You just stick your dick in and don't move it? 1.00
04:06:15.000 Don't move it. 1.00
04:06:16.000 Ooh, I like that.
04:06:16.000 It might not come in two seconds.
04:06:18.000 You would squirt anyway. 0.90
04:06:19.000 Of course.
04:06:20.000 You're going to move a little. 0.97
04:06:21.000 Dude, if I had a girl that was like, this is part of the program, instead of like, I need to be good at sex, it'd be nice. 0.99
04:06:28.000 Jackpot, dude. 0.96
04:06:29.000 Yeah. 1.00
04:06:30.000 Orthodox Jews have sex through a sheet. 0.99
04:06:32.000 This common myth is completely false. 0.99
04:06:35.000 I will talk about this in my next special.
04:06:38.000 Is it false?
04:06:39.000 Is it false?
04:06:41.000 Did you do it?
04:06:42.000 No, I don't think it is false, right?
04:06:44.000 Don't they do it?
04:06:45.000 It's true and false.
04:06:46.000 It's overpushed, but some people do it.
04:06:48.000 What's the thread count?
04:06:51.000 It's Egyptian.
04:06:52.000 I had a friend, and his girlfriend was Israeli, and she swore that it was a real thing.
04:06:57.000 Well, sometimes it's what you hear, so you swear because I heard this.
04:07:00.000 It's not a commandment.
04:07:01.000 It's a barely done thing, but it's somewhat done.
04:07:05.000 But it's not a commandment.
04:07:06.000 It comes from, like, we had this prayer shawl.
04:07:08.000 It's like a poncho that we were under our shirts, and it's got a hole in it for the neck.
04:07:12.000 Right. 0.99
04:07:13.000 What I believe is, people were hanging it up to dry after the wash, and racists would come by and be like, what the fuck is that thing? 0.99
04:07:19.000 With the white towel. 1.00
04:07:20.000 Racists? 1.00
04:07:21.000 And they go, I bet they fucked through that. 1.00
04:07:23.000 No, is that right? 1.00
04:07:24.000 Yeah, but also, it is a solid, I think some people do it, to stop yourself from getting distracted by thinking about your wife's naked body.
04:07:33.000 What?
04:07:33.000 You cover her so you don't have to look at her.
04:07:35.000 Whoa.
04:07:35.000 Is that ugly, huh?
04:07:36.000 It's debated.
04:07:38.000 I don't think it's that.
04:07:39.000 They're trying to run away from temptation.
04:07:40.000 I see.
04:07:41.000 They don't want to enjoy it.
04:07:42.000 Those big floppy J-tits. 1.00
04:07:44.000 I love a J-tit. 1.00
04:07:45.000 The Jew globes are the best globes. 1.00
04:07:47.000 You want beer 15?
04:07:48.000 We're having a good time.
04:07:49.000 We should go to 10 on this.
04:07:50.000 This is great. 0.83
04:07:51.000 Yeah, Jewish gals are super hot. 1.00
04:07:54.000 I like a good J, dude.
04:07:56.000 Oh, dude, I was plowing a J back in 2011. Yeah, get to that on Shabbos.
04:08:03.000 It was really something.
04:08:04.000 She was a soul cycle instructor and a J. Wow. 0.98
04:08:07.000 Good work ethic.
04:08:08.000 And a squirter.
04:08:09.000 Oh, what?
04:08:10.000 Yeah. 0.90
04:08:10.000 I mean, she peed on you. 0.90
04:08:11.000 Ah, well, I'll take it.
04:08:13.000 It doesn't matter.
04:08:14.000 That's still so fun.
04:08:15.000 R. Kelly me.
04:08:16.000 I mean, she was shooting. 0.66
04:08:17.000 It's definitely a lady peeing, but it's still fun. 1.00
04:08:21.000 The Amish didn't do shit during COVID either, right? 1.00
04:08:24.000 Did they ever catch it? 0.99
04:08:25.000 Don't know.
04:08:25.000 Did they have an outbreak, a big outbreak in the Amish community?
04:08:28.000 Because they were another group that completely treated COVID as if it was not a thing.
04:08:33.000 They weren't doing anything differently than they did before.
04:08:36.000 They were very insular, so someone had to get it.
04:08:38.000 Death in religion, excess deaths sweep through Amish and Mennonite communities during COVID-19 pandemic. 0.83
04:08:43.000 Well, there you go.
04:08:44.000 Dude, you know what's funny about that?
04:08:46.000 I'd like to know where I'm from.
04:08:48.000 I'm just reading a title.
04:08:49.000 I want to know what the actual meat of the story is.
04:08:51.000 Where I'm from is one of those dudes riding around. 1.00
04:08:54.000 Me and my friends used to drive by and be like, get a car, you dumb motherfuckers. 1.00
04:08:58.000 It was fun. 1.00
04:08:59.000 Lancaster is right next to us. 1.00
04:09:03.000 So we would always be there, and then every once in a while a fucking tractor trailer would hit a fucking horse with a family, like fucking ten of those motherfuckers. 1.00
04:09:16.000 You know what's weird? 1.00
04:09:17.000 I've done shows in Lancaster, and I've seen these Amish kids at like a Wawa, and you're like, what the fuck are you doing? 0.99
04:09:23.000 I'm still like a pretzel. 0.99
04:09:25.000 There's some rules where you're allowed to...
04:09:28.000 It's not Amish. 0.98
04:09:29.000 Mennonite can do way more.
04:09:31.000 Mennonite can do it.
04:09:32.000 They look pretty scruffy, these kids.
04:09:34.000 We had a bunch of Mennonites at my high school.
04:09:37.000 Oh, okay.
04:09:38.000 Ari, do you remember...
04:09:39.000 And they stunk.
04:09:40.000 Hold on.
04:09:40.000 Yeah, exactly.
04:09:40.000 They would never shower.
04:09:41.000 Ari, do you remember we were on the road, and we were at a truck stop, and there was a girl that was wearing some crazy outfit, and you walked up to her, and you go, what is this?
04:09:53.000 Ah!
04:09:53.000 You go, what kind of group are you in?
04:09:56.000 And she said, I'm a Mennonite.
04:09:59.000 Do you remember that?
04:10:00.000 Yeah, barely.
04:10:01.000 We were like Western Massachusetts.
04:10:03.000 I wanted to know. 0.99
04:10:03.000 We were out in the middle of fucking nowhere. 0.99
04:10:05.000 Was that Chickabee? 1.00
04:10:05.000 Was that dumbass fucking Chickabee? 1.00
04:10:06.000 Yeah, something like that. 1.00
04:10:06.000 Worst gig ever. 1.00
04:10:08.000 Chinese restaurant.
04:10:09.000 Remember that?
04:10:10.000 We take the drive from L.A. and we stop to get gas and food.
04:10:14.000 I mean, not from L.A., from Boston, rather.
04:10:16.000 Boston, yeah.
04:10:16.000 Took you a drive from Boston, stopped to get gas and food, and in the middle of nowhere, there's this poor girl in some weird religious outfit.
04:10:22.000 He's got vomit.
04:10:22.000 And Ari goes, what are you?
04:10:25.000 What is this?
04:10:26.000 What kind of group are you in?
04:10:28.000 And she goes, oh, I'm a man in that.
04:10:29.000 He's like, mm. 1.00
04:10:31.000 The best part of that gig, we were leaving, chickpea is this fucking... 0.99
04:10:35.000 Chinese restaurant. 1.00
04:10:36.000 It was awful.
04:10:37.000 Some guy came on stage with me, took a selfie with an old camera.
04:10:41.000 And I was like, is anybody going to stop this guy?
04:10:42.000 He just sat back down.
04:10:44.000 We're leaving.
04:10:44.000 We're in the car.
04:10:45.000 Tate's there.
04:10:46.000 He's never seen a Jew. 1.00
04:10:47.000 Some fucking 42-year-old chick is like, you guys want to see my tits, don't you? 1.00
04:10:51.000 And we were all like, no, we don't, ma'am. 1.00
04:10:53.000 100% we don't. 0.99
04:10:54.000 And she goes, you want to see my tits? 1.00
04:10:55.000 And then she started raising her shirt. 0.99
04:10:57.000 By here, by her belly button, you could already see tit. 1.00
04:11:04.000 Wow!
04:11:04.000 What are you doing, Harry?
04:11:06.000 I didn't know you had a tattoo on your hip.
04:11:08.000 Dude, I gotta lose 10 more pounds.
04:11:09.000 You gotta keep on truckin'.
04:11:09.000 Arie had a full-on six-pack when we did the Sober October fitness challenge.
04:11:13.000 I gotta lose 10 more pounds.
04:11:14.000 You look good, dude.
04:11:15.000 What do you weigh now?
04:11:16.000 188. I got it to 178. That was what you were when you did Sober October?
04:11:20.000 By the end, 75. 75. Shredded.
04:11:23.000 What's that tattoo mean?
04:11:25.000 Keep on truckin'.
04:11:26.000 Oh, just keep on truckin'?
04:11:28.000 Yeah, in case you stop truckin' and you wanna keep goin'.
04:11:30.000 You need some motivation.
04:11:32.000 You gotta look in your hip.
04:11:33.000 We did Bonnaroo.
04:11:34.000 You were shirtless the whole time.
04:11:35.000 You look great.
04:11:36.000 I love being with the shirt off.
04:11:37.000 Back then, yeah.
04:11:38.000 It is fun to have you shirtless.
04:11:40.000 I love it.
04:11:41.000 You can't do it, though.
04:11:42.000 Burt would get mad.
04:11:42.000 You think Burt would get mad?
04:11:43.000 I don't do it on stage.
04:11:44.000 What if you did it on stage?
04:11:46.000 Look at that.
04:11:48.000 With hair, too.
04:11:49.000 All right, you can achieve that.
04:11:50.000 That's good, dude.
04:11:51.000 It can be done if you dedicate yourself for many decades.
04:11:53.000 Wait a minute.
04:11:54.000 Is that Leah Thomas?
04:11:55.000 Sober October.
04:11:57.000 That was the yoga challenge.
04:11:58.000 Look, Ari's so mad that I make him go to yoga. 1.00
04:12:00.000 I hated it.
04:12:01.000 I hated it. 1.00
04:12:02.000 Fuck you. 1.00
04:12:02.000 He was so mad at me. 1.00
04:12:04.000 Because I can't just let you win, so I had to do it. 1.00
04:12:07.000 So I was like, fuck you. 1.00
04:12:08.000 The best was Tom just rented a Lamborghini, and he goes, this is my new car. 1.00
04:12:13.000 And Bert was so angry on the way home.
04:12:16.000 So jealous.
04:12:16.000 He already ate a Porsche.
04:12:17.000 Why'd you get a fucking Lamborghini? 1.00
04:12:19.000 I gotta keep up. 1.00
04:12:20.000 He goes, I gotta do 75 more Instagrams this week.
04:12:23.000 I get it.
04:12:23.000 I get being jealous.
04:12:24.000 Like, we were at Vulcan last night and Tony was like, you see this?
04:12:28.000 I was like...
04:12:29.000 It's Corvette? 1.00
04:12:29.000 That Corvette is the shit. 1.00
04:12:31.000 I got a 2018 Chevy Cruze. 1.00
04:12:37.000 I don't even know what a Chevy Cruze is.
04:12:39.000 Are you sure?
04:12:40.000 It's Ted Cruz's car. 0.99
04:12:43.000 It's a shitbox. 0.99
04:12:45.000 What is a Cruze? 0.98
04:12:46.000 What's a Chevy Cruze?
04:12:47.000 It's like a Ford Focus.
04:12:49.000 It's a round car.
04:12:50.000 Oh, so it's just a vehicle.
04:12:52.000 Yeah.
04:12:53.000 That's what you want.
04:12:54.000 There it is.
04:12:54.000 Chevy Cruze.
04:12:55.000 That's a nice vehicle.
04:12:56.000 If you're going to kill somebody, that's a car you should drive to the house in.
04:12:58.000 Get the interior. 0.99
04:13:00.000 Jamie, drill a hole in the back. 0.99
04:13:01.000 In the trunk for fucking sniping? 1.00
04:13:03.000 Look at that interior. 1.00
04:13:05.000 That's a nice interior.
04:13:07.000 That's a 14 Bud Light car. 1.00
04:13:09.000 Oh, you can have a couple BLs and drive a fucking cruise. 0.99
04:13:13.000 You can side swipe a car and be like... 1.00
04:13:15.000 I gotta go home and eat, and we gotta show in two hours. 1.00
04:13:19.000 Oh, shit. 0.99
04:13:19.000 How long have we gone? 0.99
04:13:20.000 It's 5.30 almost.
04:13:22.000 Should we do four hours?
04:13:23.000 Yeah, do your dates.
04:13:25.000 Tell everybody Ari Shafir or AriTheGreat.com.
04:13:28.000 AriShaffir.com, AriTheGreat.
04:13:29.000 I don't know.
04:13:31.000 Who's AriTheGreat now?
04:13:32.000 Does it redirect?
04:13:33.000 I just let it go.
04:13:34.000 Have it redirect.
04:13:35.000 It used to be your website.
04:13:36.000 Why don't you have it redirect?
04:13:38.000 AriShaffir.com.
04:13:38.000 Who's even going to it?
04:13:40.000 Some asshole. 1.00
04:13:40.000 Don't be nasty. 1.00
04:13:42.000 Storytelling show with this guy, Shane Gillis, Big J. Nate Bargazzi.
04:13:47.000 Nate Bargazzi and Sal at the Ryman Auditorium.
04:13:50.000 Biggest show we've ever done.
04:13:52.000 Great room.
04:13:54.000 In Minneapolis and Chicago in June, but I'm taping my next special, Ari Shaffir Jew, in New York City on June 11th and 12th.
04:14:03.000 Shane Gillis, what you got going on?
04:14:05.000 Give me your dates.
04:14:06.000 I'm going to try my best.
04:14:07.000 He's only having 16 beers in now.
04:14:10.000 Look at that pile of cans.
04:14:11.000 It's a good pile, dude.
04:14:12.000 I'm gonna take a photo of that.
04:14:15.000 That's a record for us.
04:14:17.000 This weekend, when's this coming out?
04:14:24.000 When's this come out?
04:14:25.000 Tomorrow.
04:14:26.000 Alright, nice.
04:14:27.000 7th, 8th and 9th will be at the Palm Beach Improv.
04:14:30.000 West Palm's good.
04:14:31.000 Shane Gillis.com.
04:14:32.000 That's a great club.
04:14:34.000 That's a fun club.
04:14:35.000 Good Nights.
04:14:35.000 Another great club.
04:14:36.000 Raleigh, North Carolina.
04:14:38.000 Kid Rock's thing.
04:14:40.000 Zany's.
04:14:41.000 Kid Rock's comedy show?
04:14:43.000 Nashville?
04:14:44.000 Yeah, for sure.
04:14:45.000 Kid Rock is a comedy show?
04:14:46.000 Where is it?
04:14:47.000 At Ryman.
04:14:48.000 Oh my god, that's amazing.
04:14:50.000 Dude, I'm so excited.
04:14:50.000 You're performing twice at Ryman in three days?
04:14:52.000 Yeah, I'm there for a week.
04:14:53.000 Did I tell you about Kid Rock's house?
04:14:54.000 Yes.
04:14:54.000 He's got a White House?
04:14:56.000 Yes, I told you that.
04:14:57.000 Did I tell you the whole thing?
04:14:57.000 Dude, his videos are the best.
04:14:58.000 Did I tell you, Ari?
04:15:00.000 No.
04:15:00.000 He built a White House on his property.
04:15:04.000 He has hundreds of acres outside of Nashville.
04:15:06.000 He built a replica of the White House, but it's way bigger than the White House.
04:15:09.000 Just a storm?
04:15:09.000 It's like 27,000 square feet.
04:15:11.000 It has two bedrooms.
04:15:13.000 Okay, the whole house is party.
04:15:14.000 He has a yellow shower.
04:15:17.000 It's a golden shower.
04:15:18.000 You go in there, it's literally golden tiles. 0.96
04:15:21.000 He has a fucking gold elevator, and the contractor was like, do you want to hide the elevator walls? 1.00
04:15:25.000 He goes, fuck that! 1.00
04:15:26.000 I want people to go to Kid Rock's house and say, Kid Rock's got a fucking gold elevator! 1.00
04:15:31.000 So in the middle, when you walk into this house, you see a gold elevator. 0.98
04:15:34.000 This is the wildest house you've ever...
04:15:36.000 It's a full-on party house.
04:15:37.000 Do you ever see him?
04:15:43.000 It's so funny to watch Tucker be like excited.
04:15:46.000 Really? 0.99
04:15:47.000 Like anything Kid Rock says, Tucker's like, And then there's one part where Kid Rock's like, yeah, Republicans used to be fucking lame, dude. 0.99
04:15:56.000 They used to wear, like, sweaters and button-downs. 0.96
04:15:59.000 Like, he described exactly what Tucker was doing.
04:16:02.000 Tucker's like, well, I'm comfortable with the button-downs.
04:16:04.000 I'm comfortable with the button-downs.
04:16:06.000 Dude, we're going to a Kid Rock show with Jay.
04:16:08.000 You're invited.
04:16:08.000 Oh, I can't wait.
04:16:09.000 And we're all going to go.
04:16:10.000 I mean, Kid Rock, it's great. 1.00
04:16:11.000 We're all going, fuck you, Brandon Hats. 1.00
04:16:13.000 We're just going full off. 1.00
04:16:15.000 We're doing the Kid Rock show at the Ryman, and then I think there's a comedy jam after.
04:16:22.000 At Kid Rock's bar. 0.99
04:16:24.000 Damn! 1.00
04:16:25.000 Bro? 1.00
04:16:25.000 What a weekend. 1.00
04:16:27.000 Bro?
04:16:27.000 That sounds like fun.
04:16:28.000 I mean, it's going to be...
04:16:31.000 Mark Norman, what's your dates?
04:16:33.000 What you got going on?
04:16:35.000 Let's see.
04:16:36.000 Indianapolis this weekend.
04:16:37.000 Holy hell.
04:16:38.000 I need help there.
04:16:39.000 Then I'm at the Carolina Theater in Durham.
04:16:41.000 I got this theater tour.
04:16:43.000 I can't fill it up.
04:16:44.000 I need your help.
04:16:46.000 Addison Improv, Bricktown.
04:16:50.000 Paramount Theater in Austin, Texas on 420. Yes, yes.
04:16:53.000 Looking for a 420 show here in Austin.
04:16:56.000 Yeah, come by if you want.
04:16:57.000 Beautiful.
04:16:57.000 The Vic in Chicago.
04:17:00.000 420, I'm going to be in Fort Worth.
04:17:01.000 Ah.
04:17:02.000 What are you doing in Denver on my show?
04:17:03.000 Irvine Improv.
04:17:04.000 Back at the Paramount in Denver.
04:17:07.000 Wow.
04:17:07.000 Cleveland, Agora.
04:17:09.000 You name it.
04:17:10.000 Got a lot of theaters.
04:17:12.000 Help me out.
04:17:12.000 DC, Lincoln Theater.
04:17:14.000 MarkNormanComedy.com.
04:17:15.000 We might be drunk all over the road.
04:17:17.000 Tuesdays with stories.
04:17:18.000 Praise Allah. 0.99
04:17:19.000 We'll see you in hell.
04:17:21.000 I got MGM Grand Garden Arena July 1st in Vegas with Bryan Simpson, Tony Hinchcliffe, and Hans Kim. 0.99
04:17:29.000 That's diverse.
04:17:31.000 Black, white, Asian. 0.80
04:17:33.000 Now they show fun, dude.
04:17:34.000 I love Simpson.
04:17:35.000 Bryan Simpson's a good egg. 0.93
04:17:36.000 A black guy, an Asian, and a homosexual. 0.99
04:17:38.000 Walk into a bar. 1.00
04:17:39.000 Let's go.
04:17:41.000 Those are on pre-sale right now.
04:17:42.000 You gotta go to my website.
04:17:43.000 Use the code ROGAN. Buy them before the scalpers do it.
04:17:45.000 That's my peer growth.
04:17:46.000 It's ROGAN. Alright.
04:17:48.000 Bye, everybody.
04:17:50.000 Bye-bye.
04:17:50.000 We'll see you in a month or so.
04:17:51.000 What a fun time. 0.98
04:17:52.000 This is the fucking best. 0.96
04:17:53.000 I love it. 0.98