The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #182 - Bryan Callen, Jimmy Burke

00:00:00.000 Are we broadcasting?

00:00:00.000 There we go.

00:00:01.000 Yep.

00:00:02.000 For real.

00:00:02.000 Is this really happening?

00:00:02.000 For real?

00:00:04.000 We're fucking tapped into the hive.

00:00:05.000 God damn it.

00:00:06.000 We're connected to the mothership.

00:00:08.000 The Joe Rogan experience is brought to you by the flashlight.

00:00:15.000 If you go to joerogan.net and click on the link for the flashlight and enter in the code name Rogan.

00:00:20.000 What is this here?

00:00:21.000 Auto record.

00:00:22.000 This fucking U stream starts playing.

00:00:24.000 It's craziness.

00:00:24.000 Yeah.

00:00:25.000 Nonsense is what it is.

00:00:26.000 Two chicks talking. 0.99

00:00:27.000 Awesome.

00:00:28.000 Signing up.

00:00:29.000 Fascinating.

00:00:30.000 Where was I?

00:00:31.000 Where was I?

00:00:31.000 Oh, droning on and on about rubber vaginas.

00:00:35.000 Why do you need a rubber vagina? 1.00

00:00:36.000 Why?

00:00:36.000 Because you don't want to have to listen to two annoying chicks talk just so that you can stick something inside of them and release some pressure.

00:00:43.000 Release some pressure.

00:00:46.000 What you don't need is, you know, there's wonderful sex to be had with people that you actually care about, with people that you actually enjoy, with, you know, a chick that you really get into, a sexy girl.

00:00:57.000 Girls love boys and boys love girls and let's make it happen.

00:01:00.000 But sometimes you're a prisoner to your own cock and balls.

00:01:04.000 And that's where the fleshlight comes.

00:01:05.000 Amen.

00:01:06.000 What the fleshlight does is it frees you because masturbation is good enough.

00:01:10.000 It's good enough.

00:01:11.000 It's good enough to keep you sane.

00:01:12.000 But you don't have those ball-draining orgasms that you do that you have during normal sex.

00:01:17.000 Well, with the fleshlight, you have those fucking, those raisin-making, toe-crunching orgasms.

00:01:25.000 The reason being is because it feels like a really tight, awesome vagina. 1.00

00:01:30.000 It's a fucking great product.

00:01:31.000 People are weirded out by it.

00:01:33.000 You know, I got a box of it in my office.

00:01:35.000 I got a huge heart on right now.

00:01:37.000 When you walked in, I thought he said it was there making it.

00:01:38.000 I was like, flashlight.

00:01:39.000 No, no, flash.

00:01:40.000 I know.

00:01:41.000 And then I'm listening to you.

00:01:42.000 And you saw it.

00:01:43.000 And I saw it and I'm listening to you describe it.

00:01:46.000 It sounds hot.

00:01:47.000 It is hot.

00:01:48.000 I mean, honestly, it sounds hot.

00:01:50.000 And it's less than $100.

00:01:51.000 I don't know how much it costs because I don't give a fuck.

00:01:53.000 But if you go to joerogan.net and click on the link and enter in the code name Rogan, you'll get 15% off, whatever the fuck that is.

00:01:59.000 And they're a solid sponsor.

00:02:00.000 They've been with us from the beginning, back in the laptop days.

00:02:04.000 We're also sponsored by Onit.com.

00:02:06.000 That's O-N-N-I-T, makers of AlphaBrain, the cognitive enhancing supplement. 0.99

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00:02:34.000 But some cunt-faced twatmongers bought a bunch of shit and then sold it on eBay. 1.00

00:02:39.000 Because that's how people roll.

00:02:40.000 You know, it just takes about a little bit of time before some fucking douchebag thinks he's hacking the system.

00:02:46.000 Some asshole, some torrent user, whatever.

00:02:51.000 Listen, if you don't like the idea of it, if you think that it's whack, you think that it's, don't buy it.

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00:04:45.000 Don't take it if you're on wacky pills because it kind of does the same thing that wacky pills does.

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00:04:51.000 BBB, you go crazy.

00:04:53.000 And ABB is so happy.

00:04:55.000 Are these Schroome Techs, they're mushrooms? 1.00

00:04:57.000 Yes, it's all based on, there's two different mushrooms, the cordyceps mushrooms, and one of them, the other one, I'm not sure what the fuck is.

00:05:02.000 Did you see the lecture on TED called How Mushrooms Could Save the World?

00:05:07.000 Yes, I did.

00:05:08.000 It's fucking fascinating.

00:05:09.000 Fascinating.

00:05:10.000 How about that one giant super organism in the Northwest, the Pacific Northwest?

00:05:16.000 It's a giant fucking mushroom colony.

00:05:18.000 underneath the ground.

00:05:19.000 Yeah, spore colony It's enormous.

00:05:24.000 It's bigger than a whale.

00:05:25.000 Yeah, bigger than, yeah, it's bigger than that.

00:05:27.000 It's huge.

00:05:28.000 It covers an area of colour.

00:05:29.000 But think of one mushroom organism bigger than a whale.

00:05:31.000 Just wrap your head around that.

00:05:33.000 What?

00:05:34.000 A mushroom whale?

00:05:35.000 Yeah.

00:05:36.000 Anyway, go to Anatolia.

00:05:37.000 I'm taking one of these.

00:05:38.000 Oh, and then you take that.

00:05:39.000 Which one is that?

00:05:40.000 It's the immune one.

00:05:40.000 The immune one?

00:05:41.000 All right, give you some of the alpha brain. 0.61

00:05:42.000 You'll feel it while we're on a show.

00:05:44.000 All right.

00:05:44.000 Alpha brain is.

00:05:45.000 You're taking it right now.

00:05:46.000 You feel it.

00:05:47.000 It kicks in for me.

00:05:48.000 Put your head back.

00:05:49.000 Open your mouth.

00:05:50.000 And since you're traveling a lot, the great thing about Alpha Brain, my favorite thing to use it for, besides right before shows, is I love using it.

00:05:59.000 This is the Alpha Brain that we sell in the UK.

00:06:01.000 Oh.

00:06:02.000 Because in the UK, they have certain nutritional restrictions.

00:06:05.000 You can't have vitamin B6.

00:06:06.000 There's a couple of different things in certain parts of the world.

00:06:09.000 Maybe it's Australia.

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00:06:15.000 On it.com, O-N-N-I-T. 1.00

00:06:17.000 Like I said, codename Rogan.

00:06:18.000 The great Jimmy Burke is here, as well as Brian Callan.

00:06:21.000 Ladies and gentlemen.

00:06:21.000 It's a festive, festive evening.

00:06:23.000 It's a rare occasion.

00:06:24.000 That's right.

00:06:25.000 We got Jimmy in from New York.

00:06:26.000 Hit the button.

00:06:27.000 Let's start this bitch. 1.00

00:06:28.000 Let's do this.

00:06:29.000 Come on, catch up with me.

00:06:30.000 All day.

00:06:31.000 Come on.

00:06:34.000 In the opening, Nick Diaz has even more significance now.

00:06:40.000 What happened to the microphones?

00:06:42.000 There we go.

00:06:44.000 What do you mean Nick Diaz is more significant?

00:06:46.000 Because he's the one that says Train by Day, Joe Rogan Podcast by Night.

00:06:49.000 Oh, really?

00:06:50.000 Yeah.

00:06:50.000 That's his voice.

00:06:51.000 He said it after he beat BJ Penn up.

00:06:52.000 Does he listen to the podcast?

00:06:54.000 Dude, him and his brother Nate, a huge podcast.

00:06:56.000 Yeah, let me tell you, Nate, Nate, Nick, are you listening?

00:06:58.000 You're my favorite fighters.

00:06:59.000 You're my favorite fighter.

00:07:00.000 No one's more fun.

00:07:01.000 I love Nick because, and I love Nate, but Nick is the guy for me who he comes to fight.

00:07:07.000 He doesn't want to win on points.

00:07:09.000 He doesn't care.

00:07:10.000 He comes in and he's looking at him going, what, bitch? 1.00

00:07:12.000 He's plodding in, taking shots.

00:07:15.000 He's so confident and comfortable up there.

00:07:17.000 It's weird watching him with his hands down going, what, bitch? 1.00

00:07:19.000 What?

00:07:20.000 Everybody runs from him.

00:07:21.000 I want to be him.

00:07:22.000 It's so rare that a guy tries to actually fight him like dog eat dog in the center of the octagon.

00:07:22.000 It's sad.

00:07:28.000 You got to come up with a strategy like cutting corners.

00:07:30.000 Yeah.

00:07:31.000 And you know, Conda, it's a great, good on him.

00:07:34.000 He was an amazing, tough guy.

00:07:35.000 I have a lot of respect for him.

00:07:36.000 But you got to fight that way.

00:07:38.000 You want to stand and bang with that guy or with his brother and stand and bang with those?

00:07:42.000 Because you look at those guys physically.

00:07:44.000 They're not the fastest, the strongest.

00:07:46.000 They don't have the physical gifts that a lot of those guys do.

00:07:49.000 And yet they just stupid endurance, too.

00:07:53.000 Their endurance is off the chain.

00:07:55.000 They don't get tired.

00:07:55.000 It's Nick Diaz reminds me of Roberto Duran.

00:07:57.000 That's what he is.

00:07:58.000 Tell you what, I was impressed with Carlos Conet's endurance, too.

00:08:00.000 But when I watched the fight, when I was there live, this is really interesting, too, because when you watch it live, when I'm doing commentary, I'm there, but I got a very peculiar angle.

00:08:10.000 It's a great seat, don't get me wrong, but basically everyone's feet are right where my eyeballs are, and then there's a cage in front of me.

00:08:16.000 So you're actually better off watching it at home.

00:08:19.000 You have a better seat at home with the, with a, you have a big screen TV.

00:08:23.000 You get a better view of the fights than I do, which is crazy.

00:08:23.000 Yeah.

00:08:26.000 You're better off staying at home.

00:08:26.000 Baseball or football.

00:08:27.000 You get close-ups.

00:08:28.000 But I miss shit that's happening in the fight.

00:08:30.000 Like Fabrizio Verdum took big country's back.

00:08:33.000 I didn't see how he took his back.

00:08:35.000 I completely missed it because there was a referee there and then there was a post.

00:08:39.000 So all of a sudden, Verdum was on his back literally like in a second.

00:08:43.000 I think what happened was Roy took a big swing and he missed and then Fabrizio Verdum took his back.

00:08:48.000 I'm looking at the monitors.

00:08:48.000 But I'm scrambling.

00:08:49.000 I get on the truck.

00:08:50.000 I'm like, show me that again.

00:08:51.000 What the fuck just happened?

00:08:51.000 Show me that again.

00:08:52.000 Whereas at home, you would know exactly what happened.

00:08:55.000 The UFC camera production crew, they're the best.

00:08:58.000 We're on in 3D, Joe.

00:08:59.000 They're amazing.

00:09:00.000 Did you see the 3D version?

00:09:01.000 Is there a 3D camera?

00:09:01.000 No, no, no.

00:09:02.000 Is there a 3D version this time with John Anne?

00:09:05.000 Where does that play?

00:09:06.000 I don't know.

00:09:06.000 I think they do it in movie theaters.

00:09:08.000 I'm now starting to like the 3D TV.

00:09:10.000 Pixar just released Toy Story 1, 2, and 3 now.

00:09:13.000 So now it's starting to get movies.

00:09:15.000 It's starting to get worth it.

00:09:15.000 It's picking up.

00:09:16.000 It's picking up.

00:09:17.000 By the way, Big Country, I am so astounded at not only his endurance, but his skill.

00:09:23.000 I mean, I look at it.

00:09:24.000 He's about his ability to take a punch.

00:09:25.000 He's the craziest thing I've ever seen in my life.

00:09:27.000 He's the craziest thing I've ever seen in my life.

00:09:29.000 Verdum is a giant.

00:09:31.000 He's a huge man.

00:09:32.000 Huge man.

00:09:33.000 This guy was taking shots to his face like nobody's alive.

00:09:35.000 It's ridiculous knees that would have put anyone else unconscious.

00:09:38.000 He's amazing.

00:09:38.000 And he kept coming.

00:09:40.000 No one's ever even had him hurt, man.

00:09:42.000 Junior Dosanto's bombed on big country and never had him hurt.

00:09:45.000 Never had him like in trouble.

00:09:47.000 There's no one like him.

00:09:48.000 He's indestructible.

00:09:49.000 I've never seen him.

00:09:50.000 And he's good.

00:09:51.000 His fucking ass jiu-jitsu's nasty, and his right hand is a fucking bomb.

00:09:54.000 He's just unbelievably determined.

00:09:56.000 And the way his head is built, he's just built to take shots.

00:10:01.000 I mean, there's guys that are just built to take shots.

00:10:04.000 And it's his will, too.

00:10:05.000 It's his spirit, his fighting spirit.

00:10:07.000 I mean, there's a reason why he does so good, like looking the way he looks.

00:10:11.000 Can I explain that?

00:10:12.000 No matter how physically strong he is, you know that's a disadvantage.

00:10:15.000 It's a disadvantage, period, to be that fat.

00:10:17.000 But all I was thinking was like, look, hey, dude, come to Hollywood.

00:10:17.000 There's no doubt about it.

00:10:21.000 I'll fucking trim you up. 1.00

00:10:23.000 You should be a 205.

00:10:24.000 Listen, yeah, yeah.

00:10:25.000 He's not going to hang out with you.

00:10:26.000 You have a show.

00:10:27.000 You're a comedian.

00:10:28.000 Yeah, but I'm very funny.

00:10:29.000 You got to carry away already.

00:10:30.000 Oh, I'm sorry, sorry, sorry.

00:10:31.000 He's working out with professional fighters.

00:10:33.000 Brian's like, listen, I did Taekwondo.

00:10:35.000 High school is a good thing.

00:10:35.000 Big country.

00:10:36.000 I was a high school wrestler.

00:10:36.000 Big country.

00:10:37.000 Big country.

00:10:38.000 I got to talk to you.

00:10:38.000 Listen up.

00:10:39.000 I'd have him on lentils.

00:10:40.000 His heart.

00:10:42.000 The thing about Big Country man is his heart.

00:10:43.000 You can't fucking shut that heart down.

00:10:45.000 His heart is, he's got an indomitable spirit.

00:10:47.000 But here's what I'm saying.

00:10:49.000 It's not even, I don't even know if it's physically that he takes the shots better than other people.

00:10:52.000 It just refuses to go down.

00:10:54.000 Refuses to stop.

00:10:56.000 I think your head has to be constructed because your chin gets hit.

00:10:58.000 You go out.

00:10:59.000 Yeah, well, I mean, definitely, I mean, look at it.

00:11:01.000 He's got a big wide head for sure.

00:11:03.000 But, but here's what I'm saying.

00:11:04.000 Here's what I was watching.

00:11:06.000 His camp, he trains and stuff like that.

00:11:08.000 It's not that hard to get a professional nutritionist into your camp or whatever to bring that weight down and get him to a 205.

00:11:13.000 Can you imagine what he's doing at 205?

00:11:15.000 He would crush people.

00:11:15.000 But what he has been doing, though, is he's putting weight on with muscle.

00:11:19.000 So lifting weights, and that alone is making him lose fat.

00:11:22.000 He's lost a lot of fat.

00:11:23.000 He's down to 246.

00:11:25.000 He's way over 260, but he could be a middleweight.

00:11:28.000 You know, if he was like a Rich Franklin type dude, they'd want to get low body fat.

00:11:31.000 You think so?

00:11:32.000 Oh, yeah, yeah.

00:11:32.000 Six feet tall.

00:11:34.000 Look at his frame.

00:11:35.000 That's 185-pounder.

00:11:36.000 Yushinokami is a big fucking dude.

00:11:38.000 He's huge.

00:11:39.000 You look at him, you think he's a heavyweight.

00:11:40.000 Meanwhile, he cuts weight and gets down to middleweight.

00:11:42.000 It's weird.

00:11:43.000 But going back to the Diaz-Condit fight, so my point about missing things is I watched the fight at home.

00:11:48.000 And when I watched the fight at home, I had a slightly different opinion.

00:11:52.000 When I watched it live, I thought that Carlos Condit won it.

00:11:54.000 And I thought going into the fifth round, I was like, wow, the way this worked.

00:11:58.000 I was saying, you know, in the fourth round, I was like, Condit is winning this fight.

00:12:02.000 And when I said that, I was a little bit out of school because on the scorecards, maybe necessarily wasn't winning it in my head even.

00:12:08.000 But there was a trend in round three and four where Condit was scoring way more than Diaz was.

00:12:14.000 And that's why I was saying that Condit's winning this fight.

00:12:16.000 Or Diaz, you know, I think that Diaz is losing this fight.

00:12:19.000 I felt like it was moving away from him.

00:12:21.000 And then Nick took his back in the fifth.

00:12:23.000 And so you got to say, man, that's the biggest moment of the fight right here.

00:12:26.000 It was.

00:12:27.000 And by the way, didn't he end with an arm bar?

00:12:29.000 No.

00:12:30.000 No, he took him out.

00:12:31.000 No, Carlos got out of it.

00:12:33.000 Carlos is actually pounding on him at the very last seconds.

00:12:35.000 Took a shot at him, and they actually were in some sort of a scramble where their legs were locked up in like a 50-50.

00:12:40.000 But the bottom line is when I watched it at home, I gave Nick Diaz round one, round two, and round five.

00:12:46.000 So at home, when I watched it, I thought Nick Diaz won the fight.

00:12:49.000 Live out of the cage, I thought Carlos Connet might have edged him.

00:12:53.000 I didn't, you know, when you're doing commentary, you know, people always say like, oh, you know, like, you know, like you're watching it and, you know, you're right there, and you're talking about it.

00:13:04.000 That's just as good as a guy who's judging it, but it's really not.

00:13:07.000 When you're judging a fight, you should shut your fucking mouth.

00:13:10.000 You shouldn't be talking right when I'm talking, I'm doing commentary.

00:13:13.000 I'm trying to explain things to people, and my mind-the way my mind is working-like, I'm explaining, I'm trying to explain footwork and angles, I'm trying to explain positions when they go to the ground, especially.

00:13:23.000 I'm trying to like, you know, if you're there with your dad and your dad doesn't know what's he's gonna, what's going on right here, these guys getting queer with each other, you know, I'm there to explain. 0.57

00:13:30.000 I'm there to go, no, no, no, the right arm is the choking arm.

00:13:33.000 They're like, oh, yeah, oh, I see what he's doing there with that right arm.

00:13:35.000 He's sneaking it under his chin there.

00:13:36.000 That could choke him.

00:13:37.000 You know, like, I'm there to explain that.

00:13:39.000 So while I'm doing that, I'm not doing the most objective job of scoring.

00:13:45.000 You know, a guy scoring the fight.

00:13:47.000 First of all, now thinking today after watching this big country for Doom thing, not only should the judges have monitors, that's all they should be watching.

00:13:56.000 They shouldn't even be watching the fight.

00:13:57.000 You should have the judges, they don't even have to be in the same room.

00:13:59.000 The judges don't even have to be cage-side.

00:14:01.000 The judges should be in front of a giant-ass fucking TV. 1.00

00:14:03.000 On a waterbed in a dark room with lava lamps and just having a good time to get it.

00:14:07.000 Just put a camera on them to make sure they're not beating off.

00:14:10.000 That'd be weird if you look over and you're like, why are you beating off to the fight?

00:14:14.000 But Dana White said today that it might be possible for Conda to fight Nick Diaz again before GSP's ready.

00:14:22.000 Really?

00:14:23.000 Condit's camp, of course, said they didn't want to do it right away.

00:14:23.000 Yeah.

00:14:26.000 His manager said it, but if they offer him enough shekels, he might step up.

00:14:29.000 And plus, if the public wants it.

00:14:32.000 I won't.

00:14:33.000 I would love to see that.

00:14:34.000 Absolutely.

00:14:35.000 I think he fought a great fight, but watching it at home, I gave the nod to Nick Diaz.

00:14:39.000 Well, the question then becomes, though, for Nick, is Nick is such a loyal guy to his camp, from what I've heard.

00:14:45.000 I don't want to speak for him, but those guys are so tight.

00:14:48.000 It's one of the other things I love about the guy.

00:14:49.000 People say he's a bad, he's a tough, mean guy.

00:14:52.000 I think he's actually probably a very sweet person.

00:14:54.000 He's a great guy.

00:14:55.000 He's a great person.

00:14:56.000 Unless you're trying to fight him.

00:14:57.000 Right.

00:14:58.000 Who has to work himself up to the point where he hates the guy he's going to fight.

00:15:01.000 And then after he beats guys, he's really cool with him.

00:15:04.000 Well, it's a little of that, but it's also he's smart.

00:15:06.000 You know, Nick Diaz is, look, he might not have spent a lot of time in college.

00:15:09.000 He's smart.

00:15:10.000 But he's a smart dude.

00:15:11.000 There's no way you can push yourself the way he pushes himself, like cardio-wise, without being aware of the benefits of that and calculating the benefits of that.

00:15:18.000 So if you've got a guy who's willing to do something, if you got a guy who's willing to do something that extreme because he knows there's a benefit in it, you don't think he would talk shit because there's a benefit in that psychologically?

00:15:29.000 You know, people judge him by that, like, oh, he's a thug.

00:15:31.000 He's a gangster.

00:15:32.000 He's a bad guy.

00:15:33.000 He's a smart dude.

00:15:36.000 If you're in a fight with somebody, man, and you hate that guy, then you're all tense and you're fucking swinging for the fences and you're making mistakes and you can't bear to think of this dude beating your ass.

00:15:45.000 You got to kill him.

00:15:46.000 And that's how dudes gas out.

00:15:47.000 And you're a guy whose entire strategy is based on imposing your skill set and your extreme endurance.

00:15:54.000 That's what Nick Diaz has.

00:15:55.000 Of course he would talk shit.

00:15:57.000 It's like he's making them wear weights.

00:15:59.000 You know, he's making them run with weights.

00:16:00.000 It's the greatest thing in the world.

00:16:03.000 The first time Conant did that spin kick, I mean spin elbow.

00:16:06.000 He goes, apparently he goes, because I asked Conant and he goes, oh, what are we doing?

00:16:06.000 I heard him go.

00:16:10.000 We're doing spin shit now?

00:16:12.000 Yeah, he throws kicks disdainfully sometimes.

00:16:16.000 He doesn't, like, he threw a lot of hard kicks at Conant, but sometimes he throws kicks he knows are not going to land.

00:16:21.000 He's like throwing karate kicks in the air.

00:16:23.000 It's an insult.

00:16:24.000 I'm not worried about you.

00:16:26.000 He's amazing.

00:16:27.000 Kate taking shots going, what's up, Benzford?

00:16:30.000 He's such a beautiful, like, to me, he's just so poetic.

00:16:33.000 So fun to watch.

00:16:34.000 And he was super cool after the fight was over, you know?

00:16:36.000 Even though he thought that he lost a decision.

00:16:38.000 I'll tell you what, man, I did not know, man.

00:16:40.000 It's one of those fights, like I said, where after it was over, I was like, man, I can't wait to watch this one again.

00:16:44.000 Because I looked at my Twitter feed immediately, and the Twitter feed was half of it with Condas kicked his ass, half of it was Diaz was robbed.

00:16:52.000 And there were so many fighters that said the same thing.

00:16:54.000 It was really a very interesting fight.

00:16:56.000 It comes down to philosophy too, doesn't it?

00:16:58.000 It comes down to philosophy.

00:17:00.000 Some people will say, like GSP, take GSP.

00:17:03.000 The GSP is very smart and very strategic about looking for where his opponent is weak and exploiting that hole.

00:17:09.000 But he'll win.

00:17:10.000 GSP takes guys down, and at least that gives you the opinion.

00:17:13.000 Well, he just did control this fucking guy.

00:17:16.000 What Cond was doing is moving away from an aggressor, and people don't like that.

00:17:20.000 That's right.

00:17:20.000 People don't like that.

00:17:21.000 It's like Floyd Manthrell.

00:17:22.000 He's very defensive, very defensive fighter.

00:17:24.000 And that's how you fight Diaz, by the way, it seems.

00:17:26.000 Cutting corners like that and moving to his, to his, I guess he was moving to the bottom.

00:17:29.000 I got to be honest, man.

00:17:30.000 I was looking into the fight, I gave Diaz a big advantage.

00:17:35.000 I was like, man, I don't know if Condit's ever fought anybody this hard.

00:17:38.000 And I'll just look at what Diaz does to everybody, what he does to Paul Daly, what he did to Frank Shamrock.

00:17:44.000 And I know that Condit is a step above both those guys, several steps above.

00:17:48.000 In fact, I think Condit is elite.

00:17:50.000 But I don't think he's tall.

00:17:51.000 Yeah, he's very tall.

00:17:53.000 I didn't think he'd ever fought anybody with that much experience, that much style.

00:17:58.000 The way Diaz fights, that much aggression.

00:18:01.000 I was like, this might be a tough fight for him.

00:18:03.000 And I anticipated if I had to bet money on it, that he would lose a decision.

00:18:07.000 And then I was really surprised around the third and fourth round.

00:18:10.000 I was like, man, he is fucking pulling this off.

00:18:13.000 I guess Diaz, if there is a second fight, would Diaz go back and change it.

00:18:17.000 I think if there was a second fight, Diaz would fucking sprint at him.

00:18:21.000 He would sprint at him.

00:18:24.000 What different strategy?

00:18:25.000 What's he going to do different?

00:18:26.000 No, he's just going to give him less opportunities and just throw himself into the fire more.

00:18:30.000 But it's hard.

00:18:31.000 Somebody's moving to your, you know, you're a softball and the guy's moving right, you know, he's cutting that corner off.

00:18:37.000 You've got to have an answer for that.

00:18:38.000 Right.

00:18:38.000 But look how.

00:18:39.000 Yeah, but look how easy Nick Diaz got his back.

00:18:41.000 Look how easy he got his back in the fifth round.

00:18:43.000 People don't realize how good Nick's ground game is.

00:18:45.000 Nick's ground game is elite.

00:18:48.000 That's why they stand in bang with him because they don't want to go to the ground with him.

00:18:50.000 Exactly.

00:18:50.000 But I mean, you're talking about two guys that have been duking it out for four fucking rounds and a half.

00:18:54.000 Okay.

00:18:55.000 They're going full clip.

00:18:56.000 It's a highly anticipated lot of pressure.

00:18:59.000 And Nick still gets him to the ground, gets his back like that.

00:19:03.000 That's like, you know, you know how hard it is to get a dude down and then get his back in a fucking championship fight that quickly?

00:19:09.000 That was an extreme case.

00:19:12.000 His ground game's nasty.

00:19:13.000 And I think that he has a big advantage over Conda, I think, in that department.

00:19:17.000 I think if they fought again, I think he would probably try to initiate the ground game.

00:19:21.000 It's hard to get Conda down because Conda's very strong. 0.95

00:19:23.000 I think Con is stronger, it seems like, than Nick.

00:19:25.000 Probably just bigger and stronger.

00:19:27.000 Yeah, he's stronger.

00:19:28.000 And that's hard to get somebody down like Condon.

00:19:29.000 Nick got him down, though.

00:19:30.000 He got his back.

00:19:31.000 And that was an interesting thing.

00:19:33.000 It was like one judge had some ridiculous thing where they had Condit winning four rounds.

00:19:37.000 I was like, wow, that's kind of crazy.

00:19:39.000 I mean, I could see him.

00:19:41.000 I gave him four.

00:19:42.000 You gave him four rounds, Ford of one?

00:19:44.000 You gave Condit four?

00:19:44.000 That's the great Jimmy Burke, ladies and gentlemen.

00:19:46.000 How come I can't see Jimmy Burke on camera?

00:19:48.000 I don't see him on camera.

00:19:48.000 Huh?

00:19:50.000 It's just a yay can.

00:19:51.000 Oh, you're moving it.

00:19:52.000 Is that what you're doing?

00:19:52.000 Oh, we're on a delay.

00:19:53.000 The internet's a delay.

00:19:54.000 Jimmy, Jimmy, by the way, has mastered the art.

00:19:56.000 Why did you think that Condit won four rounds?

00:19:58.000 Well, I think we're all in agreement how smart Nick Diaz is.

00:20:01.000 He's crafty.

00:20:01.000 He's a smart guy.

00:20:02.000 He's intimidating.

00:20:03.000 Right.

00:20:03.000 And so how smart must Condit be?

00:20:07.000 Wear your eyebrows, by the way.

00:20:08.000 Right.

00:20:08.000 I'm sorry.

00:20:08.000 I have no eyebrows.

00:20:09.000 I have no eyebrows.

00:20:09.000 Skeletor.

00:20:10.000 He's Skeletor.

00:20:10.000 That's so crazy.

00:20:11.000 I have no eyebrows.

00:20:11.000 It's frightening.

00:20:12.000 Yeah.

00:20:12.000 He frightens kids.

00:20:14.000 I have.

00:20:14.000 Yeah.

00:20:15.000 No, no.

00:20:15.000 I once bet a guy, Wall Street guy, a friend of mine, $50 up at Jerry's that my asshole was less hairy than his wife's.

00:20:29.000 That's a true story.

00:20:29.000 What?

00:20:31.000 It's a true story.

00:20:31.000 Of course it is.

00:20:32.000 And you know, he peeled it open.

00:20:34.000 you bet him how much i bet him 50 bucks i said hey dude we were talking to me you were that confident why didn't you oh i know i know i know how unhairy my asshole is i have no hair there congratulations like i am uh why don't you go for like a thousand or something nuts i uh i couldn't do it i like the guy mountain he's one of my friends yeah but you know what i took the 50.

00:20:51.000 I took the 50 as a lesson.

00:20:53.000 Just as a little lesson.

00:20:54.000 To have respect for your asshole.

00:20:56.000 When a guy's got no eyebrows, take him seriously.

00:20:56.000 Yeah, exactly.

00:20:58.000 And this is why I love Mountain.

00:20:59.000 He literally, I got up, I sprinted, I pulled my buckle, my pants were down, and I spread, yeah.

00:21:06.000 What's the sprint have to do with it?

00:21:08.000 Well, I mean, from the couch to the seat he was sitting at because I bent over in front of him.

00:21:12.000 I spread my asshole and this quickly, this quickly, spread asshole, Mountain looks down and he goes, holy shit.

00:21:21.000 It's way less hairy than my wife's.

00:21:23.000 And he fucking reached into his pocket.

00:21:25.000 That's not a joke.

00:21:26.000 That's a real story.

00:21:28.000 And he paid me off right there.

00:21:29.000 We're hanging out.

00:21:31.000 Jerry McFadden, who's three feet, three men wide.

00:21:34.000 He's Brock Lesnar.

00:21:35.000 He's as big as it gets.

00:21:36.000 He's a borderline pro football player.

00:21:39.000 He's 300 pounds and with a Napoleon complex.

00:21:41.000 And Jimmy just looks at him one day.

00:21:43.000 We're hanging out and Jimmy just looks at him and he goes, ah, shut the fuck up.

00:21:47.000 Whack! 1.00

00:21:47.000 And slaps him really hard. 1.00

00:21:50.000 Jerry's face is fucking so wide.

00:21:51.000 You go, hey Jerry, how are you?

00:21:53.000 You gotta go from wide on.

00:21:54.000 He goes, ah, Jerry's just talking.

00:21:56.000 He's like talking about something like totally innocuous.

00:21:58.000 Like going, yeah, so I was walking down the street and then he's just telling a story.

00:22:01.000 And Jimmy just out of nowhere just goes, ah, shut the fuck.

00:22:05.000 Whack! 1.00

00:22:05.000 And hits him like that hard. 1.00

00:22:07.000 And Jerry just goes, wham like that.

00:22:09.000 And I go, oh, Jerry's gonna fucking murder.

00:22:12.000 You know when a, like a gorilla looks at something in the car.

00:22:15.000 A monkey.

00:22:16.000 Like a gorilla looks at a monkey.

00:22:17.000 He literally goes, he literally goes, whack, looks at Jimmy and we're in an apartment.

00:22:21.000 So where the fuck is Jimmy gonna go?

00:22:23.000 And all of a sudden I just see Jimmy run.

00:22:25.000 And I'm like, where's he gone?

00:22:26.000 He goes into Jerry's guest room.

00:22:27.000 So we're like, Jerry comes, down the hall.

00:22:29.000 Jerry comes running in, like running in and I'm like, Jerry's gonna fucking kill him.

00:22:33.000 He's gonna squeeze him until he dies because he likes to hold you underwater until you die.

00:22:36.000 No, he's a scary, strong dude.

00:22:38.000 He's a bear, right?

00:22:38.000 I've met Jerry.

00:22:38.000 So the bear's running after the fucking baboon and I, and I, we're running, he comes running in and he runs in and Jimmy is fucking on all hands and knees, no clothes on.

00:22:47.000 He's got his ass all peeled and he's going, please fuck me, Jerry.

00:22:50.000 Please fuck me. 0.92

00:22:51.000 Jerry goes, I threw my ass up his defense.

00:22:53.000 It was kryptonite, like fucking kryptonite.

00:22:55.000 He literally, it was like he hit a wall.

00:22:57.000 He went, what the fuck?

00:22:58.000 Like that and backed out, like this.

00:23:00.000 it was the greatest thing.

00:23:02.000 Hey, that's a good fighting technique.

00:23:03.000 Absolutely.

00:23:03.000 You throw yourself down and spread your ass.

00:23:05.000 It's like, Jimmy's got the best, Jimmy's got the greatest fight stories.

00:23:09.000 Jimmy, why don't you have a cell phone?

00:23:10.000 Why don't you have a cell phone?

00:23:11.000 He's a monk.

00:23:12.000 Yeah, I'm, it can't be a monk and live in New York City.

00:23:16.000 Yeah.

00:23:16.000 He's a monk, bro.

00:23:17.000 No, I have a, an answering machine at home.

00:23:20.000 He has an answering, he has an answering machine from 1986.

00:23:22.000 Yeah.

00:23:23.000 With cassettes on it.

00:23:24.000 He owns a bicycle and a TV.

00:23:25.000 What happens if you need a cassette?

00:23:27.000 And he's the happiest guy on the planet.

00:23:27.000 I did a one man show back in 1997 and at that point in my life I had saved 15 years of phone messages.

00:23:35.000 I did a one man show and I did because I thought my friend Herbie was dying from throat cancer and I wanted to save every message and he would call up.

00:23:45.000 He'd say, hey, hey, it's me, it's me.

00:23:46.000 He was much older than me.

00:23:47.000 He was, he was my Fagan, you know, and I was his artful dodger. 0.96

00:23:53.000 Oliver Twist, Oliver Twist reference.

00:23:55.000 Oliver Twist reference.

00:23:55.000 Do your readers, your listeners, readers, there are no readers out there.

00:23:59.000 They smoke weed and watch YouTube.

00:24:00.000 Right, exactly.

00:24:01.000 They're YouTube people.

00:24:01.000 It's a Dickens novel.

00:24:03.000 You can look him up, 18th century.

00:24:04.000 That's the 1700s.

00:24:08.000 That's the 1700s.

00:24:09.000 Thank you.

00:24:09.000 Exactly.

00:24:10.000 Joe, I don't doubt you.

00:24:10.000 Thank you, Bubba.

00:24:13.000 Let me tell you, I do not doubt you.

00:24:15.000 And I want to bring it, swing it right back around though, to, um, yeah, I grew up in New York.

00:24:22.000 Right.

00:24:23.000 And, Nick Diaz, and what he was doing, I've had that done to me.

00:24:28.000 It's frightening.

00:24:29.000 plenty of times.

00:24:30.000 It's intimidating.

00:24:31.000 One of the guys talking shit, and hitting you at the same time.

00:24:33.000 Yeah, it's intimidating, and it's scary, and, but, my, but, you, you either gotta, this is, this is, this is the thing.

00:24:42.000 You're the best there is at, and you keep coming forward.

00:24:44.000 He's the best there is at talking.

00:24:45.000 The guy, the guy that's fucking you on the football field, and he's trying to beat you up, that huge guy, and you're going, she's pissed at me.

00:24:50.000 Look at her titties, getting all twisted up. 1.00

00:24:52.000 Remember when you were doing it?

00:24:52.000 Yeah, well, you have to, that becomes part of, I'm 165 pounds, so I'm only, that's it.

00:24:59.000 I'm wiry, I'm strong, very quick, and pugnacious, but I'm going to be honest with you.

00:25:06.000 You're pugnacious?

00:25:07.000 I've never heard of you.

00:25:07.000 You're not a big guy.

00:25:08.000 I'm not a big guy.

00:25:09.000 I'm a crafty, long-necked kind of, I'm a condor, or what's one of those velociraptors?

00:25:14.000 Bring this back around to your, your one-man show, because you dropped that.

00:25:18.000 Oh, yeah, that was, that was a long time ago.

00:25:20.000 I was high as shit.

00:25:20.000 You were high.

00:25:22.000 No, that was when I was, the fucking guy plays the message, I leave, without my permission, he leaves, in his one-man show?

00:25:28.000 Yeah, he said, he plays the message, I leave a message on his machine, which was this, because I'm, there's this girl I liked, and she went to Harvard, and I wanted to bang her, right?

00:25:36.000 So I'm a fuck loser boy over here, I knew she was really educated. 0.99

00:25:40.000 She'd say stuff like, well, as you know in King Lear, when in act three, I'd be like, oh, geez, because she thought I was an actor, I knew Shakespeare.

00:25:46.000 I didn't get any word of it.

00:25:48.000 So, so I go, so I go, So I know she's coming over.

00:25:52.000 so what so so yoker boy over here this is what i do i go fuck she's a reader so i take all the books off my shelf and i start laying them around the room books i haven't even read like let me tell you this before i'm going to interrupt you right Because when I first met Brian, I just did Mad TV. 0.91

00:26:07.000 We first met.

00:26:08.000 He was a fake intellectual then.

00:26:10.000 He's a fake intellectual now.

00:26:11.000 And he's got Jack Kerouac sitting on his coffee table.

00:26:16.000 Listen, motherfucker.

00:26:17.000 I go, you ain't reading Jack Kerouac.

00:26:18.000 You better read it once.

00:26:20.000 You just happen to read this.

00:26:21.000 I go, this is a trap you lay for some fucking influential girl. 0.99

00:26:24.000 You goddamn right it is.

00:26:25.000 That's what I did.

00:26:26.000 And meanwhile, I got to admit it right now.

00:26:29.000 So I'm leaving shit around.

00:26:30.000 I'm leaving books open.

00:26:32.000 I got Shakespeare open.

00:26:34.000 But it's on the floor with like tabs.

00:26:36.000 I got Hemingway.

00:26:37.000 He's saying a message.

00:26:38.000 And so I finally go, I look around and I go, all right, I got to, if I do this in secret, I'm a fucking loser.

00:26:44.000 I got to call my friend and at least say that I'm doing this because otherwise I'm a scum.

00:26:48.000 So I call Jimmy.

00:26:48.000 Otherwise, I'm a loser.

00:26:50.000 I call Jimmy and I. I'm not a loser.

00:26:51.000 You're just not a very thoughtful person.

00:26:54.000 I'm a sex addict.

00:26:55.000 Well, you're trying to be something.

00:26:56.000 Right.

00:26:57.000 That you're not.

00:26:58.000 Right, but I got to complain about.

00:26:59.000 Well, what you said correct.

00:27:01.000 You know, you said sex addict, and that puts a negative connotation to it.

00:27:03.000 But what no one is going to understand, no woman is ever going to understand is the effect of testosterone and the reality that we have these fucking bodies that are designed to make babies every 10 minutes because jaguars were eating them.

00:27:14.000 That's exactly right.

00:27:15.000 It's the reason why it's not like a solar thing.

00:27:18.000 Like, you know, like once every day, your body produces a single sperm cell.

00:27:23.000 They accumulate over a month.

00:27:25.000 They get to the point where, like, maybe we should think someday about having a baby and then a year from now, your balls are swollen and you're ready. 0.98

00:27:31.000 365 cells.

00:27:33.000 No, no, no, that's not what happens.

00:27:35.000 Every day, they're like, Pac-Man.

00:27:37.000 That's exactly right.

00:27:38.000 Dividing and conquering.

00:27:39.000 And if you're not jerking, plug to the fleshlight.

00:27:41.000 If you're not using something like the fleshlight, if you're not jerking off, if you're not constantly draining your balls, you will get distorted.

00:27:47.000 You'll get in trouble.

00:27:48.000 You'll get in fucking trouble.

00:27:48.000 You'll get in trouble.

00:27:49.000 This will save marriages and it will save relationships.

00:27:52.000 You knew your thing.

00:27:53.000 You knew your thing was to be able to do that.

00:27:54.000 Get your man a fleshlight.

00:27:55.000 I can trick them.

00:27:55.000 I can talk.

00:27:56.000 I sound intelligent.

00:27:57.000 Next thing you know, I'm touching their leg.

00:27:59.000 And then I get that the treat.

00:28:00.000 I get the treats.

00:28:01.000 I take my treats.

00:28:02.000 Exactly.

00:28:03.000 I screen them.

00:28:04.000 Then I screen down.

00:28:05.000 Then I come and I want them out of there and I start cleaning my house.

00:28:07.000 But anyway, the point is, so I go.

00:28:10.000 Someone could judge you.

00:28:11.000 I'm just saying.

00:28:12.000 You can't judge you.

00:28:14.000 You really are like a junkie.

00:28:16.000 Yeah, it's true.

00:28:16.000 Every man is.

00:28:17.000 It's true.

00:28:18.000 Varying degrees.

00:28:18.000 And no one fucking gives you any advice, man.

00:28:20.000 No one gives you any solid advice about how to manage that.

00:28:24.000 Did your father say a fucking word to you about how to manage that?

00:28:27.000 That was great, but no, but you know what?

00:28:29.000 And here's the thing.

00:28:30.000 And one of the things a lot of young people, a lot of young guys listen to this, and I always say, the only advice I give people is just figure out where to place your energy.

00:28:30.000 We're older now.

00:28:37.000 Because that's just energy.

00:28:39.000 And you've got to have an outlet.

00:28:40.000 That's why fighting is so good if you've got a lot of testimonials or a sport.

00:28:44.000 Because you've got to channel that because you'll learn.

00:28:46.000 You can take that energy and endeavor in something that teaches you about life.

00:28:51.000 I mean, you know, you just learn a lot about life.

00:28:53.000 But I call Jimmy.

00:28:54.000 You're totally right.

00:28:55.000 But before you go on, I think one of the most important things with guys is managing your biology through exercise.

00:29:01.000 Absolutely.

00:29:02.000 You fucking percent.

00:29:05.000 If an athlete like Brian just can't.

00:29:07.000 Yeah, if you're a type of guy like us, I was going to say, Brian, take your shirt off.

00:29:12.000 You know, I mean, if you don't have some sort of a release for that buildup, you make shitty decisions.

00:29:18.000 Exactly.

00:29:18.000 When you see guys yelling at people in traffic, and that's not a guy who's just returned from doing 15 rounds in the bag.

00:29:24.000 One of my favorite bits of hurt more.

00:29:25.000 One of my favorite bits, period, in the world, is your thing about driving a bus.

00:29:30.000 You're in the front of the bus.

00:29:31.000 I mean, you're in the back of the bus.

00:29:32.000 Somebody else is driving.

00:29:33.000 You have to be up in six hours.

00:29:35.000 Shut the fuck up when you have a hard on. 0.98

00:29:37.000 When you have a hard on, when your dick is hard and you're fired up, ready to go, you're not driving your life.

00:29:41.000 It's like you're sitting in the back seat of a really long bus.

00:29:44.000 Absolutely.

00:29:44.000 There's some other dude up there driving and you can barely talk to him because every window's rolled down.

00:29:48.000 There's newspapers flying around and fucking engine noise.

00:29:51.000 Six radius bad ones.

00:29:54.000 And you're like, do you even know where you're going?

00:29:56.000 He's like, shut the fuck up, darget. 1.00

00:29:59.000 And you're like, oh, I'm going to just let this dick drive.

00:30:02.000 And then after you come, you find yourself in the front.

00:30:04.000 You wake up and you're holding the wheel.

00:30:06.000 Going, what the fuck happened?

00:30:07.000 What am I doing?

00:30:08.000 You know, I back this bad boy up.

00:30:10.000 Remember when you had no navigation system?

00:30:12.000 You would drive from hell in high water to get an uninspired hand job and you're so angry with yourself.

00:30:17.000 And then you're out in the street going, where the fuck am I?

00:30:20.000 You got to get up and forth.

00:30:21.000 Nowhere near your house.

00:30:22.000 You have to figure out where the roads are.

00:30:24.000 You go to a gas station and buy a fucking Thomas guide.

00:30:27.000 And you're like, okay, now this is what road?

00:30:29.000 Where am I right now?

00:30:31.000 So is this technically New Hampshire?

00:30:33.000 I don't know.

00:30:34.000 Exactly.

00:30:35.000 I don't know how I found my way.

00:30:36.000 Navigation systems have saved so many people from those things.

00:30:39.000 It saved so much time.

00:30:43.000 Technology.

00:30:44.000 So you leave this message.

00:30:45.000 So I leave this message.

00:30:46.000 I finally look around my apartment.

00:30:47.000 I go, she's coming over in like 10 minutes.

00:30:48.000 I go, I got to tell somebody about what a hoax I am because this is fucking ridiculous.

00:30:52.000 So I call Time.

00:30:53.000 I leave a message.

00:30:53.000 I go, dude, I'm a fucking hoax.

00:30:55.000 I'm trying to impress this intellectual chick, and I'm leaving books all over the place.

00:30:59.000 So she thinks I'm in the middle of reading like four books.

00:31:02.000 And it's all because I want to bang her from behind on my couch like an animal. 0.68

00:31:07.000 And anyway, it's a long mess like that.

00:31:08.000 This guy plays it for a fucking packed house over and over.

00:31:11.000 And a couple of girls, like, is it his name?

00:31:13.000 Do you say it's nice?

00:31:14.000 Sure.

00:31:14.000 Oh, yeah.

00:31:15.000 Sure.

00:31:16.000 Fuck yeah.

00:31:17.000 I need everybody on the table.

00:31:19.000 I did a fucking one, a show, a stand-up show, an hour show in New York.

00:31:24.000 Then all my friends came to.

00:31:25.000 The fucking guy's standing outside.

00:31:27.000 And when people were coming out, he's going, thank you very much, man.

00:31:30.000 I wrote that stuff for him.

00:31:31.000 He did a really good job with it.

00:31:32.000 That's true.

00:31:33.000 I accepted credit.

00:31:34.000 Thanking always for coming and accepting credit.

00:31:36.000 So all of a sudden there's a crowd around him telling him how great he is.

00:31:39.000 Thank you for coming.

00:31:40.000 Thank you so much.

00:31:42.000 I really did.

00:31:42.000 I know that's you would never, but since he stole my persona about 15 years ago, did he?

00:31:49.000 Why?

00:31:50.000 You don't know that fucking story?

00:31:52.000 I am Joe's.

00:31:53.000 Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on.

00:31:54.000 Let's take a step back.

00:31:56.000 Let's take a step back.

00:31:57.000 Let me say this one thing because I did come back.

00:31:59.000 Don't defend it, Joe.

00:32:00.000 Don't defend it.

00:32:00.000 I did block this out.

00:32:02.000 And what I blocked out was that we were hanging out with me and Jimmy Burke and a couple of his friends.

00:32:02.000 I did block this out.

00:32:06.000 And this is one of the first times that I'd hung out with Jimmy Burke away from you.

00:32:10.000 It was kind of cheating on you a little bit.

00:32:11.000 I came to New York.

00:32:12.000 I remember that.

00:32:14.000 Me and Jimmy had a great fucking time.

00:32:16.000 Yes, we did.

00:32:17.000 Kicked my ass in pool.

00:32:19.000 Unfortunately.

00:32:19.000 Can't blame me, pool.

00:32:20.000 Kicked it.

00:32:21.000 But when we were talking, one of the things that came up amongst Jimmy's friends was that, you know, you're a bus and truck version of Jimmy Burke.

00:32:29.000 And I had to go, oh, he's a B ⁇ . 0.90

00:32:32.000 A BNT version.

00:32:32.000 What do they call me?

00:32:34.000 Come on.

00:32:34.000 This is my boy.

00:32:36.000 He was probably my friend.

00:32:37.000 Who said it?

00:32:38.000 I don't remember.

00:32:39.000 We're all close.

00:32:40.000 We've been all known for 20 years.

00:32:41.000 So he stole your persona.

00:32:44.000 You know, it really wasn't my persona.

00:32:45.000 It was really actually my essence.

00:32:48.000 Which, if you think about it, Steve Cook.

00:32:51.000 Steve Cook accuses comics of stealing.

00:32:52.000 Didn't he accuse Steve Burger?

00:32:53.000 Well, he stealing his essence.

00:32:55.000 He tried to steal my essence, too.

00:32:56.000 Dane?

00:32:57.000 Yep.

00:32:57.000 He did?

00:32:57.000 Did he meet you or did that through the air?

00:33:00.000 Was watching Brian and I from the end of a bar, watching us talk, came over to me and said, I'm going to take your fucking essence, dude.

00:33:06.000 And he slapped you in the mouth?

00:33:07.000 Slapped me in the mouth.

00:33:08.000 I was a little shocked.

00:33:10.000 Brian stepped in.

00:33:11.000 By the way, people listening to this who might take this seriously.

00:33:14.000 Dan has enough flack.

00:33:15.000 We're kidding.

00:33:16.000 Dane did not do that.

00:33:17.000 Yeah, this didn't really happen.

00:33:18.000 No.

00:33:18.000 Yeah, it did.

00:33:20.000 Although Jimmy and I used to get laid by the money.

00:33:22.000 But you did really take his persona.

00:33:25.000 Yeah, a little bit.

00:33:26.000 Yeah, not a little.

00:33:27.000 Well, let me tell you something.

00:33:27.000 Come on.

00:33:28.000 It happens.

00:33:29.000 You're so much better at it than I am that I can't make money from my persona.

00:33:33.000 I mean, this is the first time I'm ever on the...

00:33:39.000 The fake Kramer.

00:33:40.000 There's a real Kramer, you know, and then...

00:33:50.000 The character is going to be a guy who talks like Jimmy and is very expressive and very, very intense.

00:33:58.000 You look handsome now.

00:34:00.000 You look more handsome.

00:34:01.000 Does that bother you as an original?

00:34:03.000 Not at all.

00:34:04.000 I love him.

00:34:04.000 No.

00:34:05.000 I love what he...

00:34:12.000 I had a friend named Johnny B, a pool hustler friend of mine that I used to talk like to him when he was in Iowa.

00:34:17.000 It was just, him being an actual actor, because he's a great actor, just was kind of picking up the bits and pieces.

00:34:23.000 I do it with people.

00:34:24.000 I do it when I lived in Iowa, you know.

00:34:26.000 You were just so authentically New York, and I was so fascinated with the way the dude, the way he talks and tells stories and how and he's the only person that's ever pointed that out to me in my life.

00:34:36.000 I mean, because everybody else is from New York, and that's the way we all.

00:34:39.000 Yeah, this is normal.

00:34:40.000 Isn't it amazing that there's one good thing that comes out of sticking that many fucking people in one place, that you get these extreme characters that just don't exist in the heartland?

00:34:49.000 You don't get a Jimmy Burke in Iowa.

00:34:52.000 No, I'm distilled.

00:34:52.000 You got to either build walls or you got to be very open and honest.

00:34:57.000 And that's the way you naturally.

00:34:58.000 And you got to not give a fuck.

00:35:00.000 Yeah.

00:35:00.000 And there's a whole city of I don't give a fuck.

00:35:02.000 Get out of my way.

00:35:03.000 And it becomes sort of an ethic.

00:35:06.000 Care, care, be respectful, but you can't give a fuck about everything that happens to you every single fucking day because you go crazy.

00:35:16.000 And that's the thing about New York is it makes you process the information and filter accordingly.

00:35:21.000 There's too much coming at you.

00:35:23.000 Too many goddamn cars, too many billboards, too many things.

00:35:25.000 You got to decide what to pay attention.

00:35:26.000 Joe, you asked me earlier why I don't have a cell phone.

00:35:29.000 That's why.

00:35:30.000 Okay.

00:35:30.000 And that's one of the reasons.

00:35:31.000 But what if someone's about to kick your ass and you've got to make a call?

00:35:37.000 There's nobody better getting out of fighting.

00:35:38.000 You start yelling and intimidating people.

00:35:42.000 You break your leg and you need somebody to come get you.

00:35:45.000 You know what, Joe?

00:35:46.000 What if you have to call somebody that you like?

00:35:49.000 Well, that's that's good.

00:35:50.000 That's good.

00:35:51.000 I have a pocket full of pocket quarters.

00:35:52.000 I have a pocket full of quarters.

00:35:54.000 And there's always a lot of people.

00:35:55.000 Where is there a goddamn payphone?

00:35:56.000 They're still there.

00:35:57.000 You got to know.

00:35:58.000 You got to know where they are.

00:35:59.000 You got to know where they are.

00:36:00.000 This messenger pitches not yours.

00:36:01.000 Do you remember people's phone numbers?

00:36:03.000 Absolutely.

00:36:04.000 I know like 350.

00:36:05.000 Do you get leads?

00:36:06.000 Brian's phone numbers 315.

00:36:08.000 Hey, you fucking dummy.

00:36:11.000 He doesn't realize that he wasn't listening.

00:36:13.000 Jesus Christ.

00:36:14.000 I was just proving that there's a mic in the mouse.

00:36:18.000 You ought to change your voicemail so that people don't know that that's your real number.

00:36:22.000 That's very, before I knew how to use Twitter, I posted my number.

00:36:26.000 I got some guy the other day calling me and goes, hey, man, is this really you?

00:36:28.000 I go, who is this?

00:36:29.000 He goes, I saw your name on Twitter.

00:36:31.000 A number.

00:36:31.000 I just want to see if it was really you.

00:36:32.000 I go, yeah, it's really me.

00:36:34.000 He goes, that's cool, man.

00:36:36.000 Hey, when can I see your stand-up?

00:36:37.000 I go, do you live in LA?

00:36:38.000 He goes, nah, man, I live in like Arkansas.

00:36:40.000 I go, I'll tell you what.

00:36:41.000 I'll make sure you're going to go.

00:36:42.000 Use my number, and I'll fucking tell you when I'm there next time.

00:36:45.000 He goes, all right.

00:36:46.000 He was great.

00:36:46.000 And he just hung up.

00:36:47.000 I fucked up and tweeted my number and I kept it for a while. 0.71

00:36:50.000 I had like a fan line where people could just call me up.

00:36:52.000 I would turn it on.

00:36:53.000 I wanted to do that again because there was a thing called Say Now and Say Now is pretty badass, but Google bought them.

00:36:58.000 And what Say Now was was say if you would start it up, I would start it up and I would start accepting calls from fans.

00:37:04.000 So I tweet, my say now line is now on.

00:37:08.000 So people would call me up and say, like, if you're calling me and you and I are talking, there's 10 people on hold and they're all listening.

00:37:08.000 Call me up.

00:37:14.000 So it's like you have a call-in talk radio show for 10 people.

00:37:17.000 It was fucking great.

00:37:18.000 So I would do it.

00:37:19.000 Me and Ari Shafir were like in the car in traffic on the way to a gig somewhere.

00:37:23.000 And we just handed the phone back and forth to each other.

00:37:26.000 And we had like this crazy like two-hour phone conversation with all these people.

00:37:30.000 I love doing that because, you know, and I get my number out on the road sometimes when I'm there and I go, somebody wants to come to a show and I go, and I like them and they're just good people.

00:37:37.000 And I go, text me.

00:37:38.000 Here's my number.

00:37:39.000 And I'll always say, I always go, don't abuse this.

00:37:39.000 Text me.

00:37:42.000 And they never do.

00:37:42.000 Don't call me.

00:37:43.000 If you trust people a lot of times and give them the respect of trust.

00:37:46.000 You can always tell a crazy person.

00:37:48.000 What about that girl that Ashton Kutcher fucked? 1.00

00:37:50.000 Well, she's an asshole. 1.00

00:37:52.000 She's an asshole. 1.00

00:37:53.000 She's an asshole. 1.00

00:37:53.000 What an asshole. 1.00

00:37:54.000 She had a great story.

00:37:56.000 That's a shithead.

00:37:56.000 She's a shithead.

00:37:57.000 Meanwhile, what a great story that would be if she just used that story.

00:37:59.000 She's a sociopath. 1.00

00:38:01.000 Yeah, but she's a sociopath. 1.00

00:38:03.000 She's a shitty person. 1.00

00:38:04.000 By the way, Jimmy and I had so much fun in New York.

00:38:06.000 I was just thinking about how we used to pick up girls by posing as doctors.

00:38:09.000 Sure.

00:38:09.000 Remember that?

00:38:10.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:38:12.000 Oh, dude.

00:38:13.000 He'd be sitting there drinking.

00:38:15.000 You know how many lives I saved?

00:38:16.000 How many lives he saved?

00:38:17.000 Oh, so you do, like, I'm a doctor in Somalia.

00:38:20.000 No, no, no.

00:38:20.000 Yeah, but we'd set it up like this.

00:38:22.000 A lot of times we'd set up like this.

00:38:23.000 It'd be me and my buddy, and Jimmy'd be over there drinking a beer at the end of the bar.

00:38:26.000 This worked fucking every time.

00:38:27.000 Every time.

00:38:28.000 And, you know, we'd be in there like a couple of yogas.

00:38:30.000 I'd come up and go, excuse me, sorry to bother you girls.

00:38:30.000 We'd find really hot girls.

00:38:33.000 We're doctors.

00:38:34.000 And my buddy just, he's a great surgeon, but he just lost his first patient.

00:38:38.000 He's really bummed out.

00:38:39.000 If you guys went over there and just talked to him, it'd make him feel so much better.

00:38:42.000 And they'd be like, he's a surgeon?

00:38:44.000 Like, yeah, we're all surgeons.

00:38:45.000 What if you talked to a girl and she was actually a doctor, though?

00:38:47.000 Well, how about the girl was asking you medical advice and you felt bad you had to come clean.

00:38:51.000 You're like, okay.

00:38:53.000 Bubba, I felt horrible.

00:38:54.000 She's asking him medical advice and he starts giving her like general advice.

00:38:58.000 And then at the end of the day, she was so excited.

00:39:00.000 Not me, man, not me.

00:39:01.000 I fucking stuck to the end.

00:39:03.000 I was like, I'm getting laid.

00:39:04.000 I don't give a shit about to make up.

00:39:05.000 You showed the line.

00:39:06.000 I'm like, well, you're plasma-rich plates.

00:39:07.000 I just invent shit.

00:39:09.000 I was a fucking idiot.

00:39:10.000 How old are you then?

00:39:11.000 30?

00:39:12.000 Like 30?

00:39:13.000 Fucking 30.

00:39:14.000 A grown man.

00:39:15.000 That's how old I was.

00:39:16.000 Then we'd pretend we'd, then we'd recognize each other.

00:39:19.000 Like, I'd come up and go, like, we'd sit right next to the hottest girls in the club or something.

00:39:23.000 And I'd go, dude, got to just tell you, I saw your movie at Sundance.

00:39:26.000 You're fucking doing De Niro's in your next movie, right?

00:39:31.000 Well, actually, he's directing it.

00:39:33.000 Congratulations.

00:39:33.000 Oh, fuck.

00:39:35.000 Such an amazing writer.

00:39:36.000 Such an amazing actor.

00:39:37.000 Appreciate it.

00:39:38.000 What's your name?

00:39:39.000 Brian Cowan.

00:39:40.000 Jr.

00:39:40.000 I had a film there, too.

00:39:41.000 I don't know if you saw it.

00:39:42.000 Leland.

00:39:43.000 No, no, what's the name?

00:39:44.000 Leland's memory.

00:39:45.000 I don't think it's some fucking thing.

00:39:46.000 Dude, it worked every time because they were model actresses. 1.00

00:39:49.000 They're like, hey, you know, and I'd go like this.

00:39:51.000 I go, I'm sorry, these girls with you. 0.99

00:39:53.000 Can I buy you guys a drink?

00:39:54.000 And they're like, actually, that was.

00:39:55.000 And it's so simple.

00:39:55.000 That's brilliant.

00:39:56.000 And we'd bring them right in.

00:39:58.000 And now we'd be talking.

00:39:59.000 It never failed.

00:40:01.000 Ever.

00:40:02.000 When you're a normal-looking guy, you got to fucking use your mind.

00:40:07.000 And you got to be a liar.

00:40:08.000 You got to be a liar.

00:40:09.000 Yeah.

00:40:10.000 Pretending to be famous and getting that jolt.

00:40:12.000 That's the greatest.

00:40:13.000 People like really, oh, this is an important game.

00:40:14.000 That's the greatest.

00:40:15.000 And we get out of fights, dude.

00:40:16.000 Google Jeannie Burke.

00:40:18.000 We can't do that anymore.

00:40:20.000 Chicks to just Google your name. 1.00

00:40:21.000 Dude, we pull up their fucking giant Android screen and go, yeah, it doesn't say shit about you.

00:40:26.000 How about tell them how you have a fucking movie at Sundance Liar?

00:40:29.000 Dude, we used to get out of fights that way.

00:40:31.000 Remember that huge, dude?

00:40:32.000 Those three fucking criminals?

00:40:35.000 Six football.

00:40:36.000 Six foot six guy coming to this bar.

00:40:38.000 You know that story?

00:40:39.000 That's a crazy story.

00:40:40.000 Let me give it to you just real quick.

00:40:42.000 So I'm in my bar and it's a little early.

00:40:45.000 My bouncer is not there.

00:40:47.000 This is the place that you own.

00:40:48.000 Yeah, the Martini.

00:40:48.000 Vermouth.

00:40:51.000 Do you still have that place?

00:40:52.000 No, not anymore.

00:40:53.000 No, we got out from under about fucking 10 years ago.

00:40:56.000 I'm out.

00:40:57.000 I'm fucking out.

00:40:58.000 Never again, Joe.

00:40:59.000 Unless you have one of these.

00:41:04.000 It was cool, though.

00:41:04.000 It's tough.

00:41:06.000 I loved it.

00:41:06.000 We went to your bar.

00:41:07.000 We hung out at your bar.

00:41:09.000 How cool is that?

00:41:09.000 Fantastic.

00:41:10.000 I was M-boner owner.

00:41:11.000 I didn't make a dollar.

00:41:12.000 I was involved for five years.

00:41:14.000 I didn't make a dollar.

00:41:15.000 Yeah.

00:41:16.000 And then I had to get out from under taxes and shit.

00:41:19.000 I was always wanted to have a bar.

00:41:20.000 Oh, dude.

00:41:21.000 How much?

00:41:22.000 Joe, it's awesome.

00:41:23.000 I always want to own a bar pool hall.

00:41:25.000 Have a bar pool hall.

00:41:26.000 Small, like intimate city.

00:41:27.000 Just so fucking hard to make money.

00:41:30.000 So do it.

00:41:30.000 You know what?

00:41:31.000 So these guys come in.

00:41:32.000 These guys come in.

00:41:32.000 What happened?

00:41:33.000 I'm up at the time.

00:41:35.000 That's his term of endearment.

00:41:36.000 I'm up at the bar and, uh, Brian was over with, I think Dominic or the, Were you?

00:41:44.000 You had both your girlfriends there.

00:41:44.000 Okay.

00:41:46.000 I had two, my old girlfriend and my girlfriend at the moment, at the time.

00:41:49.000 And it was kids.

00:41:50.000 Tension, weird.

00:41:51.000 Right, exactly.

00:41:52.000 Because, of course, I still love my ex-girlfriend and was actually now in love with my other girlfriend.

00:41:57.000 Is this the one that you were stalking?

00:41:59.000 Yes.

00:42:00.000 Oh, that's good.

00:42:00.000 Yes.

00:42:01.000 You told him that story.

00:42:02.000 God, you got a good idea.

00:42:03.000 You have a good memory, dude.

00:42:04.000 Oh, it's like vice.

00:42:05.000 You have a good memory.

00:42:06.000 Wait, but finish the story.

00:42:07.000 Go.

00:42:09.000 So we're at the bar.

00:42:09.000 Oh, yeah.

00:42:13.000 I'm getting in between them.

00:42:14.000 I look into the reflection of the mirror behind the bar, and I see these three guys walk in.

00:42:21.000 Two, I don't know, Hispanic galantes.

00:42:24.000 I mean, guys that just, you don't want them in your joint.

00:42:28.000 They just scared me.

00:42:30.000 They just looked like a rough dude.

00:42:31.000 Yeah, rough dudes.

00:42:32.000 And then from behind them comes 6'4, 6'5, curly hair, tightest, tightest shirt on.

00:42:41.000 Biggest arms in the world.

00:42:43.000 I mean, just a big, hard rock-looking Hispanic dude who was just fucking scary looking, who was right at a fucking, you know, right at GP. 1.00

00:42:53.000 General population for you guys who do that.

00:42:55.000 And I saw him come into the bar and I went, oh, fuck, my bouncer's not here yet.

00:42:59.000 But you could see that they had, and he was going to have problems with them.

00:43:02.000 And he was going to have problems with them.

00:43:04.000 So I'm kind of looking at them at the bar.

00:43:07.000 I've tuned out my girlfriends.

00:43:09.000 I see the bartender look at me like, should I serve them?

00:43:13.000 And I was like, yeah, yeah, give them a drink, give him a drink.

00:43:16.000 And, you know, because you don't want to get started up.

00:43:20.000 Why don't you fucking love?

00:43:22.000 You know, who needs that?

00:43:23.000 So anyway, they come in right next to us and they're having drinks and they're kind of, you can see that they are not, they're not there to have a good time.

00:43:32.000 They're just, they're just not.

00:43:33.000 There's something scary about them.

00:43:34.000 All of a sudden, this yoker comes over to me.

00:43:37.000 Yeah, but wait, don't forget what happened.

00:43:40.000 You turn to talk.

00:43:41.000 The minute you turn, he steps in front of Jimmy and starts, the huge guy is right, literally almost touching his girlfriend, looking down at her, trying to pick her up.

00:43:50.000 Jimmy turns, he walks, he just bumps Jimmy out of the way and goes, what's up, man?

00:43:55.000 What's your name, man?

00:43:55.000 How you doing?

00:43:56.000 And he's got his drink and he's towering over her.

00:43:58.000 She's like this.

00:43:59.000 She's pressed against the bar like that.

00:44:01.000 So I know now, and he's still got it.

00:44:04.000 The other guy walks around this way.

00:44:06.000 So he's got his two guys flanking.

00:44:08.000 I can't get in.

00:44:09.000 So I go, we're going to fight now.

00:44:11.000 This guy's literally sees my buddy.

00:44:14.000 He's doing this on purpose.

00:44:16.000 And as minute Jimmy said, so I go, okay, this is going to be a bad situation.

00:44:19.000 So your heart starts beating fast because I don't know if these guys have knives.

00:44:22.000 And they're older.

00:44:23.000 They're just, I can tell, I can tell a guy who's a pro.

00:44:26.000 You can tell guys who are used to doing bad shit.

00:44:30.000 Yes.

00:44:30.000 You can feel it.

00:44:32.000 There it is.

00:44:33.000 There it is.

00:44:33.000 You can see it.

00:44:34.000 He literally just moves Jimmy out of the way.

00:44:36.000 Jimmy turns, and Jimmy turns back around, and he's got his back, this huge back.

00:44:40.000 But okay, so go on.

00:44:41.000 So you know I've got, but he sees that I've clocked this in the mirror.

00:44:45.000 He sees that I've clocked this.

00:44:46.000 So the guy bumps your girlfriend out of the way.

00:44:49.000 He slides in.

00:44:50.000 He wasn't a big bump.

00:44:51.000 He just kind of slides in.

00:44:52.000 He wasn't being a total dick about it.

00:44:54.000 He had her against the bar looking down at her.

00:44:56.000 Are you kidding?

00:44:57.000 It was hot.

00:44:58.000 All right.

00:44:58.000 Come on.

00:44:59.000 First of all, no.

00:45:01.000 It was hot because I thought.

00:45:02.000 What you should do is sacrifice one of them to him and then take the other one to X. Hey, hey, hey.

00:45:08.000 You know what I did?

00:45:08.000 Bubba.

00:45:09.000 I was so close to her.

00:45:10.000 Why'd you do this to me?

00:45:11.000 Exactly.

00:45:11.000 Now you're back.

00:45:12.000 She brings in your boyfriend. 1.00

00:45:13.000 She goes, this is my move.

00:45:14.000 That's huh.

00:45:15.000 This is my opening.

00:45:16.000 That's hot.

00:45:18.000 You're doing a great job describing it.

00:45:19.000 No, so tell me what the fuck happens.

00:45:21.000 In your words.

00:45:23.000 Big guy.

00:45:25.000 It's a strange moment.

00:45:26.000 Something's going, whoa, uh-oh.

00:45:27.000 I knew it.

00:45:28.000 I chose to trust my instinct.

00:45:31.000 And all of a sudden I go, hell, yo.

00:45:34.000 Oh, man.

00:45:35.000 Hey, wow.

00:45:37.000 Champ.

00:45:38.000 Hey, wow.

00:45:39.000 Good to see you, man.

00:45:40.000 Good to see you.

00:45:40.000 You look great.

00:45:41.000 But let me just let me just.

00:45:42.000 Go ahead.

00:45:42.000 You want to tell the fucking story?

00:45:44.000 Why don't you let him tell the fucking story?

00:45:47.000 You have the worst memory.

00:45:48.000 Maybe because I had numbed out.

00:45:50.000 I was so fucking scared.

00:45:52.000 That's what happens, guys.

00:45:52.000 Sometimes it numbs out.

00:45:54.000 Jimmy goes like this, and I can see Jimmy now.

00:45:56.000 He's going to Brooklyn and he's going to go, hey, bro, he's got to say something.

00:45:59.000 So you said something to the guy.

00:46:02.000 You go, hey, champ.

00:46:03.000 You go, hey, champ.

00:46:04.000 You know, what's up?

00:46:05.000 You know, try to be nice.

00:46:08.000 I come up to Jimmy and I go, hey, bro, I just want to tell you, man, you're my favorite fighter.

00:46:13.000 I watched you fight Pazianza.

00:46:14.000 I can't believe what you did.

00:46:15.000 I can't believe they fucking robbed you, but you fucking took that dude above Vinnie Pasianza.

00:46:19.000 I'm going, you fuck, these are your boys, man.

00:46:21.000 This is the best fighter.

00:46:22.000 And I start rubbing his shoulder.

00:46:23.000 Can I buy you a drink?

00:46:24.000 Can I buy your friends a drink?

00:46:25.000 It'd be my honor.

00:46:25.000 I boxed out at Gleason's.

00:46:27.000 So if I could buy you a drink, man, I've never seen this one.

00:46:30.000 And I look at this guy and I go, bro, your friend, he'll fight anybody, anywhere.

00:46:34.000 I've never seen anybody eat through somebody.

00:46:36.000 Did you see him fight?

00:46:37.000 Bro, he got robbed in that Pasianza fight.

00:46:39.000 He fucking got robbed.

00:46:41.000 So the guy, now the guy looks and Jimmy, you know, look at his face.

00:46:44.000 He looks like a half a psycho anyway.

00:46:46.000 He's got no eyebrows.

00:46:47.000 At the time, he had fucking red hair spiked like that.

00:46:49.000 He's wearing like a weird shirt.

00:46:51.000 So the guy looks down at Jimmy like that.

00:46:53.000 And Jimmy goes like this, Jimmy picking up on my cue right away, knowing what I'm doing.

00:46:57.000 He goes, hey, thanks, man.

00:46:58.000 Thanks a lot.

00:46:58.000 Thanks a lot, buddy.

00:46:59.000 Thank you.

00:46:59.000 I go, bro, you got the hardest right hand.

00:47:01.000 I can't believe they fucking robbed you.

00:47:03.000 How do you walk through those punches?

00:47:04.000 How the fuck do you walk those?

00:47:06.000 I would have looked at those manicured little girly hands of yours. 1.00

00:47:09.000 Right.

00:47:10.000 By the way, the guy turns around.

00:47:11.000 He's got scar tissue in those knuckles.

00:47:14.000 You got to look on the other side.

00:47:15.000 There's the scar tissue.

00:47:16.000 Yeah.

00:47:17.000 That's why I need a flesh. 0.89

00:47:18.000 He's gripping some things.

00:47:20.000 He wraps his hands.

00:47:21.000 That's all.

00:47:22.000 He plays the piano.

00:47:23.000 Gripping.

00:47:24.000 Meanwhile, by the way, the guy turns around.

00:47:26.000 He goes, you a boxer?

00:47:28.000 I go, boxer?

00:47:29.000 I go, he's a fighter, bro.

00:47:30.000 He'd rather fight than eat and fuck.

00:47:32.000 You're not friends with him?

00:47:33.000 And he goes, I just came in.

00:47:34.000 And I go, you might want to move out of the way of him and his girl, bro.

00:47:37.000 Don't give him an excuse.

00:47:38.000 I'm acting like I don't know him.

00:47:39.000 He goes, bro, you look like butter to him.

00:47:42.000 He's a fucking knife in a suit, bro.

00:47:43.000 He's a knife in a suit.

00:47:44.000 He'll cut right through you.

00:47:45.000 Guy goes, guy with his two fucking rough dudes, they just kind of go back and he goes, by the end of the night, he's rubbing Jimmy's shoulders and buying us drinks.

00:47:53.000 Buying us drinks.

00:47:53.000 Rubbing Jimmy's shoulders.

00:47:55.000 Maybe you guys just totally got paranoid and they were cool.

00:47:59.000 And maybe if you just bought them drinks, you could have just fucking avoided all this bullshit.

00:48:03.000 At the end of the night, if they're rubbing your shoulders, I mean, you really think they were that scared?

00:48:07.000 These big giant guys?

00:48:08.000 They're probably just nice guys.

00:48:10.000 You see some chick with some goofy dude with no eyebrows. 0.89

00:48:13.000 Like, man, this chick, he's got two girls with him. 0.99

00:48:15.000 I'm going to take a chance here.

00:48:16.000 One of these might not be his sister or something.

00:48:18.000 I don't like taking any fucking chances, okay?

00:48:20.000 That's pretty hilarious, though.

00:48:22.000 So you were just in a most, this is really an in-depth psychological study on Brian Callum, because at some point in time in your life, you would just make up fucking bullshit at the drop of a hat to get yourself out of the middle.

00:48:31.000 If a man I can get laid, or if a man I get out of getting knifed, I'm fucking, I'm on it.

00:48:37.000 So I don't want to get knifed, but I do want to get laid.

00:48:39.000 I'll lie in both those situations through my teeth.

00:48:41.000 And I'll come up with a, but it's, yeah, that's not just lie.

00:48:45.000 It's a giant backstory.

00:48:47.000 So funny, you're naming fucking.

00:48:48.000 You're lucky that guy wasn't a boxing fan.

00:48:50.000 Oh, yeah.

00:48:52.000 I was on a phone with a guy once.

00:48:53.000 Some fucking bouncer handed me the phone to talk to his buddy. 0.86

00:48:56.000 His buddy fought Chuck Liddell.

00:48:57.000 It was Chuck's earliest loss.

00:48:59.000 I go, no, you weren't.

00:49:00.000 I go, Jeremy Horn was his earliest loss.

00:49:02.000 I go, what are you talking about?

00:49:02.000 Are you Jeremy Horn?

00:49:03.000 You go, no, you're not, because I know Jeremy Horn.

00:49:05.000 I go, who else beat Chuck Liddell?

00:49:07.000 I go, what are you talking about?

00:49:08.000 This is like a long time ago.

00:49:09.000 I go, no one's beat Chuck Liddell.

00:49:11.000 I go, and then it was like the Randy Couture loss.

00:49:14.000 And then, you know, Rampage beat him.

00:49:16.000 But up until that point, it had only been, it would only been, there had only been one loss.

00:49:21.000 And it was Jeremy Horne caught him in an arm triangle from the bottom, actually, and put him to sleep.

00:49:25.000 And the bell rang, and Jeremy got from under him and Chuck was out.

00:49:29.000 That was it.

00:49:29.000 So this guy was just like telling me, he just made up this crazy story.

00:49:33.000 All these other people were totally buying into it.

00:49:36.000 You know, it's like, yeah, my buddy's Chuckledille's first loss.

00:49:38.000 I go, no, he's not.

00:49:40.000 You know, no, hey, no, you're not.

00:49:41.000 And so what would you have done?

00:49:43.000 If you're right there at the bar, I would have fought Vinny Panzien.

00:49:47.000 He goes, who fought Vinny Panzien?

00:49:49.000 What's his name?

00:49:50.000 And then what if he's some crazy boxing guy?

00:49:50.000 Yeah.

00:49:52.000 Like, dude, I used to be able to rattle off to you all of Marvin Hagler's opponents.

00:49:56.000 Back in the day, I was a big Marvin Hagler fan.

00:49:59.000 If you ran into me in like 1984, I would have been able told you everybody from Bernie Briscoe to fucking, I would have told you Mustafa Hamshow.

00:50:07.000 I would have told you every guy.

00:50:08.000 By the way, do you have anybody that could have beaten Hagler at his weight class to date?

00:50:12.000 In MMA or in boxing.

00:50:14.000 No, but that's one of the fascinating things about boxing is that Hagler today, if you put Marvin Hagler in 160-pound division today, he would still be storming through dudes.

00:50:23.000 But there's not a martial artist alive from 1983 that would be able to compete with the 2012 guys.

00:50:29.000 That's right.

00:50:29.000 They're not even close.

00:50:30.000 That's because it's evolving so much.

00:50:31.000 So rapidly.

00:50:32.000 There was no, I mean, even Hoyce Gracie, who was an amazing, had an amazing accomplishment.

00:50:38.000 He's a legend.

00:50:39.000 His jujitsu just does not compare to the jujitsu of his, even his nephew, Hadra Gracie, I think it's his nephew, or Marcelo Garcia, or, you know, the highest level guys.

00:50:50.000 They keep innovating.

00:50:51.000 Yeah.

00:50:51.000 I mean, it's amazing.

00:50:53.000 Braulio hasn't.

00:50:54.000 He keeps evolving.

00:50:55.000 The best guys now.

00:50:56.000 They're at such higher level of Andre Galvao.

00:51:00.000 That is a really interesting thing.

00:51:01.000 It's amazing.

00:51:02.000 Because with boxing, you're right.

00:51:03.000 That's a really interesting thing.

00:51:05.000 Marvin Hagler fits anywhere in history.

00:51:06.000 Yeah.

00:51:07.000 Including the old days.

00:51:08.000 And so does Ali, right?

00:51:09.000 Yeah.

00:51:12.000 And so would Joe Frazier.

00:51:13.000 I mean, the Ali that fucked up Cleveland Big Cat Williams. 0.98

00:51:17.000 See, most people's version of Ali is really distorted because their version of Ali is Ali post the three-year break.

00:51:24.000 And when he came back and fought Jerry Quarry, he was not the same fighter by any stretch of the imagination as he was in 67.

00:51:31.000 People don't realize what a cultural hero that Muhammad Ali was.

00:51:35.000 He wasn't just ring wrestling.

00:51:36.000 He became old.

00:51:37.000 He didn't do shit.

00:51:38.000 He didn't even go to the gym for three years.

00:51:41.000 His body changed.

00:51:41.000 He didn't do anything.

00:51:43.000 He was like, he had a doughy body.

00:51:44.000 Look at how beautiful he was.

00:51:46.000 Oh, dude.

00:51:47.000 The Cleveland Big Cat Williams fight is, in my opinion, one of the greatest performances that any boxer ever put on ever.

00:51:53.000 It was a real big, strong guy, a dangerous guy, coming after a genius.

00:51:59.000 A guy who was just doing some shit that nobody else was doing.

00:52:02.000 Ali knocked him out, stepping backwards.

00:52:04.000 Bing, bing, bing, bing, bing.

00:52:05.000 The way he did it was just poetry.

00:52:07.000 When you watched him fight Sonny Liston, there's a book called, I read it by David Remnick called King of the World about that fight.

00:52:14.000 And what was amazing about Ali is Ali said, Sonny Liston is the baddest guy on the planet, right?

00:52:18.000 But the one thing he's afraid of is crazy.

00:52:20.000 So he acted crazy.

00:52:22.000 He would park his car on Sonny Liston's lawn in the middle of the night and start calling him out.

00:52:26.000 He said, come on out and find me now, Sonny.

00:52:28.000 And Sonny was actually afraid.

00:52:30.000 He said later on, he goes, I'm afraid this guy might bite me.

00:52:33.000 You sure this guy doesn't bite?

00:52:34.000 Does this guy bite?

00:52:34.000 He was asking people if this guy bites.

00:52:38.000 And so Ali knew he could get into his head.

00:52:40.000 He was also like Diaz.

00:52:42.000 He's a psychological warrior.

00:52:43.000 He'd get corners.

00:52:44.000 He was the first.

00:52:45.000 He was the first to figure out.

00:52:46.000 He was a genius.

00:52:47.000 They had to hold him back.

00:52:48.000 His blood pressure was so high when he was doing the weigh-in.

00:52:50.000 He was trying to get out of and talking to him.

00:52:52.000 And something listened to me.

00:52:52.000 They almost didn't let him fight.

00:52:54.000 Yeah, it was in his life story.

00:52:55.000 Angelo Dundee, who just died.

00:52:57.000 Rest in peace.

00:52:59.000 The thing about Ali was that three-year break. 0.56

00:53:01.000 And then after that three-year break, then he fights Jerry Quarry.

00:53:05.000 He fights Joe Frazier and loses.

00:53:06.000 He's not the same guy.

00:53:07.000 He's just not the same guy.

00:53:08.000 And then he became a guy who was known for not just moving, but taking punishment.

00:53:13.000 He just didn't move the way he used to move.

00:53:15.000 If you look at the old movement, his shuffle, his footwork, it's all like mostly black and white footage.

00:53:22.000 The Cleveland Big Cat Williams fight.

00:53:24.000 People should watch that fight. 0.95

00:53:25.000 It's fucking genius.

00:53:26.000 Can you YouTube it?

00:53:27.000 You can YouTube almost everything of Ali.

00:53:27.000 Yeah, I'm sure you can.

00:53:30.000 He was such a beautiful fighter.

00:53:31.000 Wow, it was amazing.

00:53:32.000 There was no one like him.

00:53:33.000 He was basically a gigantic Sugar A. Robinson, but a little more clever.

00:53:38.000 220, by the way.

00:53:39.000 220 pounds.

00:53:40.000 He's not a big guy.

00:53:41.000 But I mean, that's just from not steroids and not lifting up.

00:53:45.000 Well, the best heavyweights ever have been around that race.

00:53:48.000 Mike Tyson, Muhammad Ali.

00:53:49.000 Well, raise the question, Jack Johnson.

00:53:51.000 Whether like 260 pounds or 230, what's the perfect weight for a heavyweight?

00:53:55.000 Well, the problem with those really big guys is that most of them are muscle.

00:53:59.000 And, you know, even if it's bone, just the sheer gravity of carrying around that much mass.

00:54:04.000 Slows you down a little bit.

00:54:04.000 Yeah, and a 220-pound man like a Mike Tyson can knock out any fucking human being that's ever walked the face of the earth.

00:54:10.000 That's right.

00:54:10.000 If Mike Tyson slams that fucking right hand that he put Larry Holmes to sleep with, or the ones where he would throw that right to the body and then that right uppercut where he crumpled Marvis Frazier, he was on another planet, man.

00:54:22.000 He was on another level.

00:54:23.000 And that punch puts out any person.

00:54:25.000 It doesn't matter if you're 290, 300.

00:54:28.000 So there's no benefit to being any bigger than Tyson was in a boxing match.

00:54:32.000 In an MMA, it's different because guys get on top of you, they grab you, they weigh you down, they can control you.

00:54:38.000 You know, an Aleister Overeem, like a 265-pound dude like that, there's a benefit to being that big.

00:54:43.000 There certainly is.

00:54:44.000 And it's just, like in the clinch, because Aleister throws those fucking horrifying knees from the clinch because he's so goddamn big.

00:54:50.000 So if he can get a hold of you, that 265 pounds, all that muscle and that fury and the fucking acceleration, that knee slamming your organs, boom.

00:54:59.000 There's just, you can't, you can't, there's no doubt about it.

00:55:02.000 When that guy got bigger, he got better.

00:55:04.000 But in boxing, I don't necessarily think that's true.

00:55:07.000 I think there's a speed loss when you have too much mass moving around.

00:55:10.000 Just boxing favors.

00:55:13.000 Explosive fast twitch muscle almost exclusively.

00:55:15.000 But then again, you know, I would have loved to seen Lennox Lewis fight Mike Tyson in his prime because Lennox was a big guy.

00:55:21.000 He was larger.

00:55:21.000 I think he was about 240 something.

00:55:23.000 But you know, when Tyson was in his prime, he fought guys like Razor Ruddock and knocked him, hit him in the head, forehead, and knocked him.

00:55:29.000 He was in a sitting position through the air.

00:55:32.000 He knocked him across the ring. 0.60

00:55:33.000 And Razor Ruddock was easily 250.

00:55:36.000 Yeah, Razor Ruddick was a big guy.

00:55:37.000 And a good fighter.

00:55:38.000 He had that ridiculous left uppercut that would put people in a coma.

00:55:43.000 You remember he had that weird, it was like a left hook, left uppercut.

00:55:45.000 It was like a hybrid punch.

00:55:46.000 Yeah, and wasn't afraid of him.

00:55:47.000 Half a hook, half an uppercut.

00:55:49.000 And he would hit like Dwight Muhammad Kawi type guys within.

00:55:51.000 No, who was the?

00:55:52.000 He was the tough dude.

00:55:53.000 He was a very tough dude.

00:55:54.000 It wasn't him, though.

00:55:55.000 I'm thinking of another guy he fought.

00:55:56.000 It was an early heavyweight champion.

00:55:58.000 He won like the WBC title, I think.

00:56:01.000 And Razor Ruddock hit him with that ridiculous fucking left uppercut. 0.94

00:56:05.000 He hit a lot of guys with that uppercut and put them in a coma.

00:56:07.000 Tommy Morrison beat Razor Ruddock, believe it or not.

00:56:10.000 One of his biggest dudes.

00:56:11.000 He stopped him.

00:56:12.000 He stopped him.

00:56:13.000 Have you seen Tommy Morrison today?

00:56:15.000 Tommy Morrison.

00:56:16.000 He has HIV.

00:56:17.000 He has HIV, but apparently he says AIDS is a myth.

00:56:19.000 But you know what's not a myth?

00:56:21.000 Meth.

00:56:22.000 And that's what he looks like.

00:56:22.000 Okay?

00:56:23.000 He looks like he found the myth of meth.

00:56:25.000 It looks like if I was going to write a Dr. Seuss book about meth, I would have it about Tommy Morrison.

00:56:30.000 I don't know what he's doing, man, but he's got weird marks all over his face, like weird, like a lot of times.

00:56:36.000 He looks crazy bad.

00:56:38.000 Not just bad, but weird bad.

00:56:40.000 Bad, like poisoned.

00:56:42.000 Bad, like, remember that Russian guy? 1.00

00:56:44.000 He was a politician and he ran afoul of Putin.

00:56:48.000 Yeah, and they poisoned dioxin.

00:56:50.000 No, no, they didn't kill him.

00:56:51.000 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, they fucked his face. 0.98

00:56:52.000 They used dioxin.

00:56:54.000 I think he was the president of Belarus.

00:56:56.000 And they didn't want him to run.

00:56:57.000 He said, screw you.

00:56:58.000 And he did anyway.

00:56:59.000 And they poisoned him with dioxin.

00:57:01.000 And his face never came back.

00:57:03.000 He was a really handsome guy.

00:57:04.000 Yeah, he was a really handsome guy.

00:57:05.000 He literally looked like a monster.

00:57:07.000 It was disgusting.

00:57:08.000 Well, Tommy Morrison doesn't look that bad, but it looks similar in that something's going on.

00:57:15.000 And also, he had tit implants.

00:57:17.000 What?

00:57:18.000 Yes, he had breast implants because I guess he lost some of his model. 0.67

00:57:22.000 Dude, pull up, Google up Tommy Morrison's fake tits. 1.00

00:57:22.000 Yeah, man. 1.00

00:57:25.000 Dude, it's the craziest shit ever.

00:57:27.000 He had breast implants.

00:57:28.000 That's hot.

00:57:29.000 So he's got, it's the weirdest thing, man.

00:57:31.000 He's got like this body.

00:57:32.000 Looks like a guy that used to be athletic, you know?

00:57:32.000 That's a little hot.

00:57:35.000 But for whatever reason, his tits are huge. 1.00

00:57:37.000 But they're huge like fake tits. 1.00

00:57:39.000 Like fake tits on a tranny. 1.00

00:57:41.000 What the fuck are you talking about?

00:57:42.000 Yeah, you ever see tranny tits? 1.00

00:57:44.000 Tranny tits are different. 0.99

00:57:45.000 First of all, they're different because the nipple. 0.95

00:57:47.000 Listen to me.

00:57:47.000 That's boys.

00:57:48.000 If your girl pulls out the tits and the tits are hard and the nipple's small, run! 1.00

00:57:52.000 Run! 0.68

00:57:53.000 That's a man!

00:57:54.000 But Tommy Morrison's, they looked like they were unnaturally shaped.

00:58:00.000 And they still are.

00:58:01.000 He even had an MMA fight where it's like he wore wrestling shoes and he just hit the guy with, it was like a only stand-up.

00:58:07.000 And he needed some money, so he beat this guy up with boxing.

00:58:13.000 Yeah, he's definitely got something wrong.

00:58:15.000 He's got ATV.

00:58:16.000 If he had bigger aerial nose, they would be pretty good.

00:58:19.000 Let me say.

00:58:20.000 You gotta sneak over and look at this.

00:58:22.000 It's bizarre.

00:58:26.000 Yeah, I'll pull it up on here too, Jim.

00:58:31.000 Are you kidding me right now?

00:58:32.000 Yeah, no, it's really bizarre.

00:58:34.000 I mean, there are nothing like I would be proud of.

00:58:38.000 What's that?

00:58:39.000 How weird is that?

00:58:41.000 This is the weirdest thing ever.

00:58:42.000 Would you come on those, bro?

00:58:43.000 Oh, shit.

00:58:44.000 How dare you?

00:58:45.000 And this is what he used to look like.

00:58:47.000 He used to look like a fucking stud when he was in that Rocky movie, man.

00:58:51.000 He was a stud.

00:58:52.000 Hey, he's amazing.

00:58:54.000 Yeah.

00:58:55.000 This is what he used to look like.

00:58:56.000 And this is what he looks like now.

00:58:59.000 That's not bitch tits. 1.00

00:59:00.000 They're calling it bitch tits. 1.00

00:59:01.000 That's not bitch tits. 1.00

00:59:02.000 That's a breast implant. 1.00

00:59:04.000 His muscle mass is wasted away.

00:59:06.000 He's got fucking HIV.

00:59:08.000 Put him in a white shirt.

00:59:09.000 You lump.

00:59:10.000 Wash your car.

00:59:12.000 Get some water.

00:59:13.000 What, Brian?

00:59:15.000 You develop lumps in your body?

00:59:16.000 Like, you'll hold fat in really weird places when you take those pressure.

00:59:20.000 Yeah, look at him now.

00:59:21.000 Come here, come here.

00:59:22.000 This is what he looks like now.

00:59:23.000 This is his most recent arrest.

00:59:26.000 This is going to freak you the fuck out.

00:59:28.000 Oh, my God.

00:59:30.000 Oh, my God.

00:59:31.000 Yeah, that's his most recent arrest.

00:59:32.000 What?

00:59:33.000 By the way, younger than me.

00:59:34.000 He pretty much looks like a CGI character.

00:59:37.000 I think he's younger than me.

00:59:38.000 I think he's 43.

00:59:39.000 I'm 44.

00:59:39.000 I think he's 43.

00:59:41.000 I believe that.

00:59:41.000 Look at that.

00:59:43.000 That's meth.

00:59:45.000 He's doing something.

00:59:45.000 He looks fucking horrifying.

00:59:48.000 And this is one when he was doing a little bit better.

00:59:50.000 He was HIV positive.

00:59:51.000 But look at his fake tits. 1.00

00:59:52.000 See that?

00:59:53.000 Like, he was even kind of in good shape.

00:59:54.000 But he had his pecs done, for sure.

00:59:56.000 Look at that bulb.

00:59:57.000 That's the craziest thing I've ever heard.

00:59:58.000 For the audio listeners, just Google search.

01:00:01.000 Yeah, just Google Morrison.

01:00:02.000 Google Tommy Morrison looks like shit.

01:00:04.000 Here's another recent picture of him.

01:00:06.000 Look at this.

01:00:07.000 That's a real picture.

01:00:08.000 That picture right there?

01:00:10.000 That's him.

01:00:12.000 That's Tommy Morrison.

01:00:13.000 What's going on there?

01:00:14.000 He might be bad.

01:00:14.000 That's the real wrestler.

01:00:16.000 That's the real one.

01:00:16.000 He's only 42, excuse me.

01:00:18.000 He's 42.

01:00:19.000 Jesus Christ.

01:00:20.000 That's terrifying, man.

01:00:23.000 Yeah, it's nuts, man.

01:00:25.000 But guess what?

01:00:26.000 That's what meth does to you.

01:00:28.000 Meth, I hear, really bad.

01:00:30.000 There's no meth.

01:00:31.000 Meth doesn't really work out.

01:00:31.000 That's never worked out.

01:00:32.000 There's no guy's like, dude, this is what happened.

01:00:34.000 I got on meth.

01:00:35.000 I cleaned my apartment.

01:00:36.000 Next thing you knew, I had a job.

01:00:39.000 Never happened on meth.

01:00:40.000 Never really said.

01:00:41.000 Problem getting off the meth.

01:00:42.000 Yeah.

01:00:43.000 Yeah.

01:00:44.000 Meth is a mother. 0.84

01:00:45.000 It must be awesome, though.

01:00:46.000 I mean, why is it that they keep going to it?

01:00:48.000 Well, I think it's just a form of self-hatred and self-suicide or self-destruction, I guess.

01:00:54.000 Yeah, there has to be some sort of a psychological aspect to the fact that.

01:00:58.000 I'm amazed how many people do things that are just bad for them.

01:01:01.000 Oh, yeah.

01:01:01.000 Like just like just smoking.

01:01:04.000 I'm going to pick up cigarettes.

01:01:05.000 I'm going to start smoking.

01:01:06.000 Brian smokes.

01:01:09.000 He started up again because his cat hurt her foot.

01:01:12.000 Well, any excuse because you're so addicted to it.

01:01:14.000 Any excuse.

01:01:15.000 It's very addictive.

01:01:16.000 Our pal Duncan was like, we had this argument the other day because Brian likes to smoke in our other studio in Pasadena.

01:01:23.000 It's twice the size of this.

01:01:24.000 It's a small place.

01:01:25.000 So it stinks.

01:01:26.000 It's a foul smoke smell.

01:01:28.000 It's really disgusting.

01:01:29.000 So all of a sudden we're sitting there having a podcast.

01:01:31.000 I'm like, are you fucking smoking, man?

01:01:33.000 And we start talking about it.

01:01:34.000 And our friend Duncan is kind of shitting on him for being addicted.

01:01:36.000 But then he's like, Duncan, you smoke too.

01:01:38.000 You smoke every now and then.

01:01:39.000 He goes, I smoked one cigarette yesterday and one today.

01:01:41.000 I'm like, whoa, okay, whoa, stop, stop, stop.

01:01:44.000 You're dancing with the devil, too.

01:01:46.000 You're addicted, too.

01:01:47.000 You're addicted.

01:01:48.000 You're just giving yourself a little.

01:01:50.000 Giving yourself, it's a little, but he's like, I'm not addicted.

01:01:50.000 It's very addictive.

01:01:53.000 I'm like, the fuck you aren't, man.

01:01:55.000 If you were like, got out of jail, you did 30 years for strangling hookers and you punched a couple of girls in a nightclub.

01:02:01.000 You're going back to junk.

01:02:02.000 Yeah, I punched a girl. 0.99

01:02:02.000 I got to go back to jail. 0.99

01:02:03.000 I didn't choke anybody.

01:02:04.000 Everybody went home fine.

01:02:06.000 So she's got a fat lip. 1.00

01:02:07.000 That's what he was doing.

01:02:08.000 He was saying, I'm not addicted to killing hookers. 0.96

01:02:10.000 It's like being almost pregnant.

01:02:12.000 Yeah, exactly.

01:02:13.000 Yeah.

01:02:14.000 I don't understand it.

01:02:15.000 I've never experienced it, but I imagine the pull is amazing.

01:02:18.000 We all have addictions.

01:02:19.000 We're all alcoholics in one way or another.

01:02:21.000 Well, that's a weird thing about human progress and about just the human mind, in order to get really good at something, must become addicted.

01:02:29.000 You must be obsessed.

01:02:31.000 I knew this early on, the madness of martial arts.

01:02:34.000 You know, when I became completely obsessed with martial arts, when I was winning all these tournaments and shit when I was a young teenager, I knew that ultimately this is like kind of self-destructive.

01:02:46.000 That ultimately this is the same thing as being someone who's a cocaine addict or addicted to gambling.

01:02:52.000 You're an extremist.

01:02:53.000 I just figured out how to put it into this one thing and get really good at it and suck this reward out of this one thing.

01:02:59.000 But besides the character developing aspects of it, it's very similar to an addiction.

01:03:05.000 Really similar.

01:03:06.000 Because all I was doing is although, although I do think that there is a fundamental distinction.

01:03:13.000 And that fundamental distinction is when you throw yourself into something like martial arts that intensely, it's very different than what you consider a regular addiction.

01:03:22.000 In that, you have to come up against your own shortcomings to get better.

01:03:28.000 You've got to be very honest with yourself and work on what you're not good at, train when you don't want to train, train through plateaus, and you get very familiar with what it takes to accomplish something and to keep accomplishing and get better.

01:03:42.000 And then you can learn to take that particular experience and that paradigm and apply it to everything else.

01:03:49.000 My brother, that's my tattoo.

01:03:50.000 That's Miyamoto Musashi.

01:03:51.000 Once you understand the way broadly see it in all things.

01:03:54.000 Red Slaughter. 0.62

01:03:54.000 Thank you. 0.62

01:03:57.000 Most important thing that I ever read, ever.

01:03:58.000 When I was a young boy.

01:04:00.000 But I'm just saying.

01:04:01.000 You're absolutely right.

01:04:02.000 In terms of the significance in our culture and the positive aspects of it for your life.

01:04:08.000 But I'm talking about it as sort of like a chemical reward action sort of a situation.

01:04:13.000 When you break it down, that's the numbers.

01:04:16.000 Dole brain chemistry.

01:04:17.000 Everything.

01:04:18.000 I try to always pull it out of the culture.

01:04:21.000 Pull it out of the culture. 0.52

01:04:22.000 Look at it as a culture.

01:04:24.000 Yeah, exactly.

01:04:24.000 Look at his, because if you're a scientist from outer space, how would you look at this?

01:04:28.000 Oh, well, this guy's good at kicking people in the head because he's got some crazy addiction.

01:04:31.000 I couldn't even go to dinner with you.

01:04:34.000 If I was out having dinner with someone or watching a movie that was about squirrels, all I was thinking about is kicking people in the face.

01:04:42.000 All I was thinking about is slip that shot and then boom, counter and move to the left and set them up with this.

01:04:47.000 That's all I was thinking about all day.

01:04:48.000 It's just like being a junkie.

01:04:50.000 It's a positive junkie experience.

01:04:51.000 You have that.

01:04:52.000 You're intense, man.

01:04:52.000 You have that.

01:04:53.000 When you get locked onto something, that's why you got to stay away from a golf course.

01:04:57.000 Yeah, exactly.

01:04:58.000 You'll go crazy.

01:04:59.000 Exactly.

01:04:59.000 But Brian's seen me fucking play pool.

01:05:02.000 It's horrific.

01:05:03.000 He's gone out with me to pool halls.

01:05:04.000 It's like being with a heroin addict.

01:05:07.000 You won't stop, right?

01:05:08.000 You can play all night.

01:05:09.000 Well, I get better with every game, you know, so more focus, more in stroke.

01:05:13.000 And five hours into it, I'm just warming up.

01:05:15.000 Everybody's like, I want to go home.

01:05:16.000 Like, I'm not even warmed up yet.

01:05:18.000 I don't get in stroke until like eight hours.

01:05:20.000 Pay for eight hours.

01:05:21.000 I'm getting stroke.

01:05:22.000 Yeah, eight hours, then you get into what a zone where you just know exactly how much pressure to put on the queue.

01:05:28.000 This is, by the way, when you're not even under pressure, when you're not like under the gun gambling.

01:05:33.000 This is just warming up.

01:05:35.000 He's like, madness.

01:05:37.000 It's like the movie.

01:05:39.000 The movie The Hustler.

01:05:41.000 If you guys haven't seen that movie, it's a classic poem.

01:05:44.000 Zacky Gleason, man.

01:05:45.000 Piper Laurie.

01:05:45.000 And such a great movie.

01:05:47.000 George Cotton.

01:05:47.000 George C. Scott.

01:05:48.000 My buddy's right in the movie.

01:05:49.000 You owe me money.

01:05:50.000 It was so great with Bert.

01:05:50.000 Exactly.

01:05:52.000 Yeah, Bert, whatever.

01:05:53.000 That was pretty good, Bert Gordon.

01:05:54.000 That was pretty good.

01:05:55.000 Very good, Bubba.

01:05:56.000 And he beat me to it because I was just about to do it.

01:05:58.000 He was the original evil manager guy.

01:06:01.000 But, you know, that's, and they play and they play all night, and then it's like it goes on, and Jackie Gleason goes in, washes his hands and his face, comes back out, puts on a new shirt.

01:06:10.000 Puts on a new shirt.

01:06:11.000 Well, that was also about some people find a way to look at characters.

01:06:14.000 Yeah, right.

01:06:15.000 Some people find a way to lose.

01:06:16.000 You're a loser, Eddie.

01:06:17.000 You lost yourself.

01:06:18.000 You know, in fighting, it's what you see frontrunners.

01:06:22.000 You see guys that do great as long as they're kicking the shit out of the other guy.

01:06:26.000 But once they start getting it put on them, they fold.

01:06:30.000 There's some dudes that just always fold.

01:06:32.000 They do great and then they fold.

01:06:34.000 They do not know how to come from.

01:06:36.000 I read a really good book recently called 10-Minute Toughness.

01:06:39.000 No.

01:06:39.000 Have you heard about it?

01:06:40.000 It's about sports by a sports psychologist.

01:06:42.000 He's worked with the biggest athletes in the world.

01:06:44.000 Mostly gymnasts, ice skaters, fighters, wrestlers, and guys like that.

01:06:48.000 And skiers and things like that.

01:06:49.000 How dare you put skiers and fighters?

01:06:51.000 I know.

01:06:51.000 But it's all, but when you're competing, especially when you're in the middle of the house, they're fighting those moguls, Joe.

01:06:55.000 It's crazy.

01:06:56.000 Well, gymnastics, gymnastics, you make one mistake and you're disqualified.

01:07:00.000 Ice skating.

01:07:00.000 Or you break your fucking neck.

01:07:02.000 And what happens is, and what he talks about is really fascinating.

01:07:05.000 He said that it's not about, you see, athletes have a very hard time dealing with...

01:07:20.000 I know.

01:07:20.000 I just have beautiful.

01:07:21.000 My troll legs.

01:07:24.000 I didn't mean to interrupt.

01:07:24.000 I'm going to say that.

01:07:25.000 That was just funny, buddy.

01:07:26.000 He said the hardest thing to do is like, it's not about willpower.

01:07:29.000 Willpower never lasts.

01:07:31.000 What lasts is managing your self-image.

01:07:34.000 So you have to learn how to talk to yourself the right way.

01:07:38.000 So most people have negative, especially you become an athlete.

01:07:41.000 And if you've got a lot to lose, like you're going for the belt or you have the belt or whatever, you will sabotage yourself if you don't know how to talk to yourself and ask yourself positive questions.

01:07:48.000 Because most people ask themselves negative questions, right?

01:07:50.000 What if I fail?

01:07:52.000 What if I choke?

01:07:54.000 All these things.

01:07:54.000 So what he'll take athletes to do is he'll come up with, he'll have you start talking to yourself.

01:07:59.000 First, you start talking to yourself the right way.

01:08:01.000 You start asking yourself positive questions and you start talking to yourself the right way.

01:08:05.000 And then what he'll do is this.

01:08:06.000 He'll give you something to say before you work.

01:08:09.000 So one guy, George Brett, one of the greatest baseball players of all time, he used to say this to himself.

01:08:14.000 Try easier.

01:08:17.000 Another guy would say this.

01:08:18.000 Try easier.

01:08:19.000 Try easier.

01:08:20.000 Try harder.

01:08:21.000 Another guy would say this.

01:08:21.000 Relax.

01:08:22.000 Don't make a big thing.

01:08:24.000 This gym is who won a gold medal.

01:08:26.000 I think that's the guy in the book.

01:08:27.000 I can't remember.

01:08:27.000 He goes like this.

01:08:28.000 He goes, look away, relax.

01:08:30.000 No, relax, look away, go away.

01:08:33.000 And he would say that to himself.

01:08:34.000 And it became a mantra of him taking himself out of the equation.

01:08:38.000 But he gives you these, he really gives you basic.

01:08:40.000 That's all well and good if someone's not kicking your fucking ass.

01:08:42.000 Same thing fighting, though.

01:08:44.000 He said, look away.

01:08:45.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:08:46.000 Go away.

01:08:47.000 You got to come see stars.

01:08:48.000 Well, what he's saying is that most of us defeat ourselves.

01:08:50.000 Most of us defeat ourselves.

01:08:51.000 Pretty sure your dick's bleeding.

01:08:53.000 Look away.

01:08:54.000 You tell me to look away because you got to learn how to be an animal.

01:08:58.000 Yeah, well, it depends on.

01:08:59.000 It's all sport particular.

01:09:00.000 Well, it's also very, yeah, it's sport particular.

01:09:02.000 But you've got to manage your self-image.

01:09:03.000 You have to have done the work.

01:09:05.000 It's not all about your muscles.

01:09:06.000 You have to have done the work.

01:09:07.000 Because if you haven't done the work, you're not going to be confident.

01:09:09.000 Absolutely.

01:09:09.000 And you're going to have questions.

01:09:11.000 And when you're in a bad spot, you're going to have questions.

01:09:14.000 You know, I remember there's always a difference, a huge difference between when I was in really good shape and I knew that I trained really hard and when I would take things like last-minute notice, I would fight in tournaments.

01:09:23.000 I knew I wasn't prepared.

01:09:24.000 I just wasn't ready.

01:09:25.000 My head wasn't ready.

01:09:26.000 My body wasn't ready.

01:09:27.000 If your body isn't ready, your head's not going to be ready.

01:09:29.000 It's not going to believe in your body.

01:09:31.000 But when you know you've done the work, then you would feel great.

01:09:34.000 Then you'd feel invincible.

01:09:35.000 Then when you get your ass kicked, then that's when you got to rethink.

01:09:38.000 That's when you're sitting.

01:09:39.000 That was as good as I could be.

01:09:40.000 Well, there's certain dudes that were always going to get you.

01:09:43.000 There's certain physical attributes that some people have.

01:09:46.000 We talked about fists earlier.

01:09:48.000 I always had that.

01:09:48.000 I always had giant hands.

01:09:50.000 And I always had crazy knockout power, unusual knockout power for someone my size.

01:09:55.000 You have men.

01:09:56.000 Yeah, but that's nothing.

01:09:57.000 I didn't go to school for that.

01:09:59.000 Yeah.

01:10:00.000 Like George Foreman.

01:10:01.000 I'm obviously not comparing myself to George Foreman, but he had the most ridiculous size hands.

01:10:06.000 They were canned hams.

01:10:08.000 So if you look at his fight with Michael Moore, he hit Michael Moore with a punch.

01:10:11.000 I swear to God, I was with a bunch of people going, it's a fix.

01:10:14.000 That fucking punch was nothing.

01:10:15.000 That punch was nothing from you.

01:10:17.000 But if that was a telephone pole with a glove on the end of it, and it just thumped you in the fucking face from 10 inches like that punch did, it would knock you the fuck out, okay?

01:10:27.000 Well, George Foreman was 300 pounds with a giant canned ham for a fist, except it's got giant bones inside of it, like a hippo knee, and it fucking slams you in the jaw.

01:10:38.000 And your shit goes out.

01:10:38.000 A hippo knee.

01:10:41.000 A hippo knee is the greatest, that's the greatest metaphor for me.

01:10:43.000 And there are dudes who have just really unusual physical attributes.

01:10:47.000 With me, I always had big hands and big knees, and I always had an unusual amount of power.

01:10:51.000 Roy Jones Jr. is a perfect example.

01:10:53.000 There's a guy who had, you cannot deny, there was physical gifts that transcend mere mortals.

01:11:01.000 He had movement and speed that no one could compete with.

01:11:05.000 You just could not compete with it.

01:11:06.000 He was so good and so fast in his youth that he never used a jab.

01:11:10.000 He would leap in with a left hook that you couldn't stop.

01:11:14.000 He did everything wrong.

01:11:15.000 His hands were down.

01:11:16.000 He would put his hands behind his back and then knock you out with a punch like it was a fucking movie.

01:11:16.000 His chin was up.

01:11:20.000 That's so crazy.

01:11:21.000 When he was at his basketball game.

01:11:22.000 He would play a basketball game.

01:11:23.000 No, he would play a fucking professional basketball game the day of a fight where he was defending his title.

01:11:28.000 And go fight a guy who's heavier.

01:11:30.000 And then box 12 rounds and go up to heavyweight and fuck up.

01:11:34.000 You know when he fucked up, man?

01:11:35.000 He fucked up when he went up to heavyweight and when he went up to, he fought John Ruiz, put on the performance of a lifetime, just shut John Ruiz out as a heavyweight.

01:11:43.000 A guy who used to be 168.

01:11:45.000 He used to fight at 168, by the way, not even cut weight to make 168.

01:11:49.000 That's how fucking good Roy Jones was.

01:11:51.000 And when he went up to heavyweight, he put on a lot of bulk.

01:11:51.000 Okay?

01:11:55.000 And when he got off the steroids or whatever the fuck it was to get up to heavyweight, which by the way, he had to have.

01:12:00.000 He was in his 30s.

01:12:01.000 There's no doubt about it.

01:12:02.000 He put on 20 pounds of muscle like that over a short period of time.

01:12:05.000 You're doing something.

01:12:05.000 He's working with Mackie Shillstone and that guy's a guy that worked with Amanda Holyfield and Michael Spinks.

01:12:11.000 They give you things, all right?

01:12:12.000 These are pro athletes, all right?

01:12:13.000 Period.

01:12:14.000 Let's stop playing games, okay?

01:12:16.000 The best guys all take something if they want to get bigger.

01:12:19.000 There's no other way around it, right?

01:12:21.000 Okay, so he goes up and then he comes back.

01:12:24.000 And when he comes back, he cuts weight down to light, heavyweight.

01:12:27.000 And he's off this shit.

01:12:28.000 He looks terrible.

01:12:30.000 Okay.

01:12:31.000 And he gets in there with Antonio Tarver.

01:12:33.000 A dude who's not scared of him.

01:12:35.000 A dude who he had a real close fight with before.

01:12:37.000 And Antonio Tarver in the middle of the ring goes, you got any excuses tonight, Roy?

01:12:41.000 Is that what he said?

01:12:42.000 That's what he said when they were fucking going eye to eye.

01:12:43.000 And he said it with confidence.

01:12:45.000 And then when you're not used to that, when you're used to being the guy who is chicken fighting and standing in front of a guy and just blasting out.

01:12:51.000 Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, I thought he was dead.

01:12:53.000 Tarver cracked him.

01:12:54.000 Well, that was not that fight.

01:12:55.000 It was the next fight with Glenn Johnson.

01:12:57.000 Glenn Johnson fucked him up.

01:12:59.000 Glenn Johnson knocked him completely unconscious where his head was off the mat.

01:13:03.000 His legs were stiff.

01:13:05.000 His arms were stiff.

01:13:06.000 I hate it.

01:13:06.000 That's like brain damage.

01:13:09.000 And then he took a long time off.

01:13:10.000 And then he came back and he got knocked out recently by that Russian dude, Vebedev.

01:13:14.000 So he's still fighting?

01:13:15.000 Yeah, man.

01:13:16.000 He got knocked out in his, not his last fight, but his fight next to last.

01:13:19.000 His last fight, he won a decision over a guy who had no business in the ring with him.

01:13:22.000 But he owes money to taxes.

01:13:25.000 He owes like $3 million to the IRS or something, according to the internet.

01:13:28.000 Somebody get these guys an advanced.

01:13:30.000 Well, he's in his 40s.

01:13:31.000 But the thing is now, unlike Bernard Hopkins, who in his 40s, he's still fucking people up.

01:13:37.000 You know why?

01:13:37.000 Because he's a technician.

01:13:39.000 Because he's a technician.

01:13:39.000 That's right.

01:13:40.000 He's always got his hands up.

01:13:42.000 He's gifted as those guys are in the game.

01:13:44.000 His footwork is perfect.

01:13:44.000 Exactly.

01:13:46.000 He's always in the right position.

01:13:48.000 And when he's not sure if you're going to hit him or not, he grabs you.

01:13:51.000 He grabs you and mugs you. 0.55

01:13:52.000 He punches you in the fucking back of the head.

01:13:54.000 Waits for the referee to come, punches you in the back of the head on the break.

01:13:57.000 He's just, he fucks you up.

01:13:59.000 He roughs you up.

01:14:00.000 He's fucking your foot. 0.90

01:14:00.000 All the famous. 0.90

01:14:01.000 Yeah.

01:14:01.000 He does all kinds of things.

01:14:02.000 So Kelly Pavlick.

01:14:03.000 Apparently what he said to Kelly Pavlick after he beat him was he grabbed him and he goes, don't let this ruin you.

01:14:07.000 Don't let this ruin you.

01:14:08.000 No, you know what else he said?

01:14:09.000 You need to learn how to fight like a black guy. 1.00

01:14:11.000 Yeah.

01:14:11.000 He did?

01:14:12.000 Yeah.

01:14:12.000 Go train with some black people.

01:14:13.000 Learn how to fight like a black guy. 1.00

01:14:14.000 That's hilarious.

01:14:15.000 Fucking right.

01:14:15.000 And I wrote a lot of people.

01:14:16.000 Kelly Pavlick.

01:14:17.000 I wrote a blog entry about that.

01:14:19.000 I wrote a long article on my website.

01:14:21.000 If you just Google Bernard Hopkins is a bad motherfucker.

01:14:25.000 That's the name of the article because it was just, I was so blown away by this guy in his late 40s who's taking on this knockout artist from the rough and tumble streets of, I think it was like where's he from?

01:14:35.000 No, no, no, no, no, no.

01:14:36.000 He's from Youngstown, Ohio.

01:14:38.000 Same place as Ray Boom Boom Man City.

01:14:40.000 And he's fucking knocking everybody out.

01:14:41.000 Knocked, what's his face out?

01:14:44.000 He knocked a gang of people out.

01:14:45.000 Kelly Pavak was knocking.

01:14:47.000 But the one dude that he knocked out for the title that fucking shit, I forget his name.

01:14:52.000 Poor kid wound up getting knocked out by a bunch of people after that.

01:14:55.000 Jerome Jermaine James Taylor.

01:14:57.000 Jermaine Taylor.

01:14:58.000 Taylor, right?

01:14:58.000 Jermaine Taylor.

01:14:59.000 Jermaine Taylor.

01:14:59.000 Tough guy.

01:15:00.000 Really.

01:15:01.000 But he was another one that they said was really talented, didn't quite train as hard as he should have because he was so talented and he wound up getting knocked out a few times.

01:15:09.000 Once you lose a step, right?

01:15:10.000 Once you lose a step.

01:15:12.000 But also, the reality of concussions, man.

01:15:14.000 The reality of concussions is you get that first one.

01:15:17.000 Have you had six?

01:15:17.000 Yeah.

01:15:18.000 I've had six, too.

01:15:19.000 Whoa.

01:15:19.000 Don't think, I don't think about it when I watch those HBO shows and I read more, you know, and I read the science section of the time.

01:15:25.000 Do you have like headaches or do you depressed easy?

01:15:28.000 No, I don't.

01:15:29.000 You're lucky.

01:15:30.000 You're also Irish.

01:15:31.000 I think a lot of Irish people are used to concussions.

01:15:33.000 It's just part of the DNA.

01:15:34.000 It's part of the DNA.

01:15:36.000 I won't say that it's genetic, but I will say that's probably been handed down.

01:15:39.000 Well, a shalely across the head as a young lad.

01:15:42.000 Have you seen the documentary Knuckle?

01:15:44.000 Oh, it's hilarious.

01:15:44.000 Oh, the bear fighting.

01:15:46.000 It's so funny.

01:15:46.000 Oh, they're amazing.

01:15:47.000 It's just like clans.

01:15:48.000 Like, Ireland's just clans.

01:15:50.000 I'll tell you something right now.

01:15:51.000 I'll beat that man, and there's no quill on the face of the earth that can beat me.

01:15:55.000 Not a man who is.

01:15:56.000 You're a bag of shite.

01:15:58.000 You're a bug of shite.

01:15:59.000 Married.

01:16:00.000 I'll tell you something about this.

01:16:01.000 I'll tell you something else, Patty.

01:16:02.000 Nevin.

01:16:03.000 No, Nevin.

01:16:04.000 And the history of the Nevins has ever been.

01:16:06.000 And I've never seen the man out.

01:16:08.000 I've never seen the man ever reach for a check.

01:16:10.000 He's hiding under his wife. 0.71

01:16:11.000 I've never seen the man reach for a check.

01:16:12.000 And they'll take their shirts off and reveal the most unimpressive physique.

01:16:16.000 Oh, that's great.

01:16:17.000 Anyone can throw hands.

01:16:18.000 I'll throw hands.

01:16:19.000 I'll poke your eyes out.

01:16:19.000 I'll pick.

01:16:20.000 Your eyes I'll poke out.

01:16:23.000 By the way, about my Irish broke.

01:16:24.000 What part of Scotland is that Irish guy from?

01:16:27.000 You're fucked up.

01:16:28.000 You went Sean Connor.

01:16:29.000 I'm terrible.

01:16:30.000 I'm terrible.

01:16:31.000 But you know what it is?

01:16:32.000 Here's what it is.

01:16:33.000 Alcohol and ugly women. 1.00

01:16:34.000 You just start fighting.

01:16:36.000 Of course.

01:16:36.000 They're not fighting over territory.

01:16:38.000 They're fighting to have some fucking meaning to their life.

01:16:40.000 That's why they're angry at each other.

01:16:43.000 They're trying to have some meaning for their everyday existence.

01:16:46.000 By the way, they're always tired, okay?

01:16:48.000 Because they're drunk all the time.

01:16:50.000 When you're doing that, your motivation, your journey de vie, your lust of life, it's kind of out the window.

01:16:56.000 It's always depressed.

01:16:57.000 I was looking at the guy who was like, oh, he's got to be 55.

01:16:59.000 He was younger than I was.

01:17:00.000 He was like 33.

01:17:01.000 I was like, what?

01:17:02.000 Yeah, these guys get hammered.

01:17:03.000 The brain is soiled.

01:17:04.000 Yeah.

01:17:05.000 You get hammered all the time like that, man.

01:17:07.000 And those guys are always irritable as well.

01:17:09.000 But, you know, some of them have amazing endurance for dudes who are drinking all the time.

01:17:12.000 Yeah, but those bites lasted two hours, two and a half hours.

01:17:15.000 Not a really fucking frantic pace, though.

01:17:17.000 It's not like a Nick Diaz fight.

01:17:18.000 He's on you fucking ripping shots of your ribcage. 0.87

01:17:21.000 They like hit each other once and then they cover up.

01:17:23.000 I'd love to see Nick Diaz just walk into one of those things, just pretend he's an Irishman. 0.91

01:17:27.000 What, bitch? 1.00

01:17:27.000 Be like, what, bitch? 1.00

01:17:28.000 What did he have to be like, batch?

01:17:29.000 Did he just call me a bitch?

01:17:30.000 They called me a bitch.

01:17:31.000 That man just called me a bitch. 1.00

01:17:33.000 Well, not only that, he would be hitting them with like those 50% punches, 50% power.

01:17:37.000 And they'd be like, this guy hits like a bitch. 1.00

01:17:39.000 Next thing you know, he's fucking beating you into a bloody pulp.

01:17:41.000 He's not going to be able to do that.

01:17:42.000 If you can do a work on your Irish accent, go to Ireland, join a clan, you're making a fortune.

01:17:47.000 They don't make you a nanny. 1.00

01:17:48.000 There's no money in there.

01:17:48.000 They spent $120,000 on those fights.

01:17:51.000 They get the whole village to pitch in.

01:17:52.000 The whole village together.

01:17:52.000 You got to see the documentary.

01:17:54.000 $120,000.

01:17:55.000 The person's $100,000, man.

01:17:57.000 They get the whole Klan to pitch in.

01:17:58.000 They're like, you got to pitch in.

01:18:00.000 All of a sudden, Nick Diaz right now is in a gym in Stockton, and he's rapping his hands while he's listening to this podcast.

01:18:06.000 And he just went, did you say $120,000, man?

01:18:08.000 Because I'll tell you what, man.

01:18:10.000 I'm like, I ain't no bitch.

01:18:11.000 I'll go.

01:18:12.000 I'll fucking fight that dude.

01:18:13.000 He'll get a clover.

01:18:14.000 He'll get a huge clover tattooed to his chest.

01:18:16.000 And he'll be like, can I wear gloves?

01:18:17.000 He probably just doesn't want to hurt his hands.

01:18:19.000 You know, like, you can go bare knuckle.

01:18:20.000 I'll just wear these little gloves.

01:18:22.000 Go ahead, bare-knuckle, dude.

01:18:22.000 I'll wear these gloves.

01:18:23.000 I'll bop blindfold myself and still beat you up. 1.00

01:18:26.000 I love the way that too.

01:18:27.000 Well, the skill level of these guys is terrible.

01:18:29.000 You know, you watch these Irish boxers. 0.96

01:18:31.000 Nick, because Nick is such a, it seems like he's his.

01:18:33.000 You guys are spoiled.

01:18:34.000 I mean, you guys are so spoiled.

01:18:37.000 I mean, I am too.

01:18:38.000 I don't know.

01:18:38.000 Well, you know, there's still, I am always, you know, look, I'm always pretty critical about a lot of things in MMA.

01:18:46.000 But, you know, I'm pretty honest about it.

01:18:48.000 But one of the most, the aspects of MMA that's the least evolved is the striking.

01:18:54.000 And there's a reason why a guy like Nick Diaz could come in there and just fucking box people up.

01:18:58.000 Because no one is, first of all, he's got a very unique style that's all his own, and he's figured out how to do that.

01:19:04.000 That style of boxing for MMA is pretty fucking effective.

01:19:08.000 But when you look at like the high-level strikers and other organizations, you're simply not seeing that in MMA yet.

01:19:13.000 And that's why there's a new kid that just came in and fought in this last UFC, the first fight of the night, actually, Stephen Wonderboy Thompson.

01:19:19.000 He's 60-0 as a kickboxer.

01:19:22.000 Jesus.

01:19:23.000 Okay, yeah.

01:19:24.000 Yeah, and he's, but he's a karate kickboxer.

01:19:24.000 Jesus.

01:19:27.000 So he's got this crazy style where he fights with the front leg first.

01:19:31.000 Yeah.

01:19:32.000 And he like he fights like completely sideways, but he throws like front leg roundhouse kicks, spinning kicks, all this wild shit.

01:19:39.000 He knocked the fucking dude out with a front leg roundhouse kick to the face. 0.91

01:19:42.000 The dude didn't even see coming because nobody would have thrown it that way.

01:19:45.000 Taekwondo thing, he played.

01:19:46.000 Yeah, exactly.

01:19:46.000 Exactly.

01:19:47.000 But he's more of a karate kickboxing, like above-the-waist kickboxing, and those point tournaments.

01:19:52.000 I think that's where he started out.

01:19:54.000 Those guys cannot kick your head off of those.

01:19:55.000 Fuck yeah.

01:19:56.000 And those kicks.

01:19:57.000 Wheel kicks, back kicks, that fucking front leg, man.

01:20:01.000 No one kicks with the front leg like this guy does.

01:20:03.000 And I've always saw that in Taekwondo tournaments.

01:20:06.000 I always knew it was possible.

01:20:07.000 There was another dude in Russia really, really recently.

01:20:10.000 He was a really high-level karate guy as well.

01:20:12.000 He fought in a lot of Kyokushin tournaments.

01:20:14.000 He came out and axe kicked this dude in the face. 0.84

01:20:16.000 And then 360 Roundhouse kicked him unconscious in the air. 1.00

01:20:21.000 Boom! 0.99

01:20:22.000 Which is a really effective technique.

01:20:23.000 I know guys in my Taekwondo.

01:20:26.000 They could do that.

01:20:26.000 Exactly.

01:20:27.000 I was talking to Nate Marker.

01:20:28.000 I go, Nate, please trust me.

01:20:30.000 I'm an actor.

01:20:30.000 I don't know anything.

01:20:31.000 I have no business talking to you about fighting.

01:20:33.000 I'm a pussy, but I did do Taekwondo, and I have friends that can kick better than anybody you've ever seen.

01:20:37.000 I go, just go to my school, and you'll be amazed.

01:20:41.000 Well, dude, I fucking sat down with George St. Pierre, and I was amazed that he would listen to me when he was like, I need someone to teach me to spinning back kick.

01:20:50.000 And I'm like, dude, I can teach you.

01:20:52.000 I can teach you.

01:20:53.000 I thought he was humoring me.

01:20:55.000 The commentator is just going to teach me.

01:20:56.000 But when we came to the gym, we started working out.

01:20:58.000 There's videos of it online.

01:20:59.000 People don't believe me.

01:21:02.000 But the guys that get really good at kicking like that, here's the thing.

01:21:06.000 They don't learn how to box.

01:21:07.000 They don't learn how to wrestle.

01:21:08.000 They don't learn jujitsu.

01:21:09.000 So that's all they do.

01:21:10.000 They fight in these taekwondo tournaments and they have these wild fucking kicks.

01:21:13.000 And they don't punch the face a lot of times.

01:21:14.000 Those wild kicks leave you vulnerable for wrestling. 1.00

01:21:18.000 They're not effective on their own.

01:21:20.000 They're only effective if you learn that other shit.

01:21:22.000 Exactly.

01:21:22.000 And a lot of people don't because to get so good at kicks and then to learn all that other stuff, you have to be a beginner again.

01:21:28.000 You have to get your ass.

01:21:29.000 Usually, by the way, you got to start when you're young.

01:21:31.000 Yeah, that's the problem.

01:21:32.000 That's why guys like Rory McDonald, and there's young guys who are, if you can float between camps, like if you can just learn, but it's really hard.

01:21:39.000 It's really hard.

01:21:39.000 So the level of striking, like Aleister Ovream right now represents the highest level of kickboxing in MMA.

01:21:45.000 Guy won the K1 Grand Prix, period.

01:21:47.000 You don't get any better than that.

01:21:48.000 It's a guy who's beaten Peter Ertz, beaten Gokan Saki.

01:21:52.000 He's a fucking killer.

01:21:52.000 Knocked out Bader Hari.

01:21:54.000 So he right now represents the highest level of kickboxing in MMA.

01:21:59.000 So you look at him, you go, striking doesn't get any better than that.

01:22:02.000 It gets different.

01:22:03.000 It gets different.

01:22:04.000 Some guys have different techniques and different tools.

01:22:06.000 But what he doesn't represent is that crazy Taekwondo shit.

01:22:09.000 Like front-like roundhouse kicks and wheel kicks and axe kicks.

01:22:12.000 And that is what this Steven Thompson guy represents.

01:22:15.000 And so there's another layer to the cake that's just been added.

01:22:18.000 Is he American?

01:22:19.000 Thompson?

01:22:19.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:22:20.000 He's a piece of bad motherfucker.

01:22:21.000 He's 28 years old, too.

01:22:22.000 Yeah, but I think also like striking, if you had to choose, it seems like you would choose to be a striker first.

01:22:30.000 You learn as a kid, and then you get really good at striking, and then you can really become a, like, if you put 10 years or five, six years as an adult into jiu-jitsu, you can get, depending on who you are.

01:22:40.000 But these athletes can get really good.

01:22:41.000 You can get good enough.

01:22:42.000 Depending on who you are.

01:22:43.000 I mean, with St. Pierre.

01:22:45.000 See, look, St. Pierre has a karate background.

01:22:47.000 He's Kyokushin background.

01:22:48.000 And that's one of the reasons why his kicks are so good, his movement is so...

01:22:59.000 And then he learned how to wrestle.

01:23:01.000 I mean, this crazy thing is you look at George, and he's the best wrestler in MMA.

01:23:05.000 The most effective.

01:23:06.000 But he didn't even learn how to wrestle in high school or college.

01:23:08.000 He didn't wrestle in high school or college.

01:23:10.000 You see that with striking, really?

01:23:12.000 It's really hard to get striking because, you know, honestly, he's very rare to see that even for wrestling.

01:23:19.000 It's very rare.

01:23:20.000 Of course.

01:23:21.000 But my buddy's a pro boxer, and he said, the way you get really good at being able to slip punches and get really comfortable with that kind of speed and that timing is when you start when you're seven and you can catch and you learn how to catch punches like jabs on your forehead and all that, you've got to start as a kid because kids can't hurt each other.

01:23:37.000 They don't hit as hard.

01:23:38.000 So you start to learn how to, how to, you know, you come up learning.

01:23:42.000 That's all well and good until you add Taekwondo to the situation. 0.99

01:23:45.000 I've seen little kids knock other little kids fucking conscious.

01:23:48.000 That's bad.

01:23:48.000 And that's uncomfortable to watch.

01:23:50.000 I've seen some little eight and nine-year-olds knock each other the fuck out. 0.71

01:23:53.000 That's dangerous.

01:23:53.000 It is dangerous.

01:23:54.000 And you know what, man?

01:23:55.000 They tell them, you know, like easy contact to the face.

01:23:58.000 Yeah, whatever.

01:24:00.000 Half these people are savages that are fighting in these fucking kids. 1.00

01:24:03.000 Give them a fucking helmet that works.

01:24:05.000 Those helmets don't work. 0.78

01:24:06.000 Those cushiony.

01:24:08.000 They don't work.

01:24:08.000 No, the cushiony taekwondo helmets at the waist.

01:24:11.000 Here's what's not covered.

01:24:12.000 Your fucking face.

01:24:13.000 Guys are getting wheel kicked in the face by other little kids.

01:24:15.000 And I don't care if you're 30 pounds. 0.97

01:24:18.000 If you have a wheel kick and it spins around with that heel and you hit a 30-pound kid in the face, you're going to knock him out, man.

01:24:24.000 I was 10 when I had my first concussion, okay?

01:24:24.000 It's dangerous.

01:24:27.000 Make a tackle on a kickoff.

01:24:28.000 I was a great young, young football player.

01:24:30.000 I was fast.

01:24:31.000 Did you go out?

01:24:32.000 Oh, I woke up.

01:24:34.000 I was in Breezy Point and I woke up and it was a night game.

01:24:38.000 And it was right out of North Dallas 40.

01:24:41.000 And I just laid there and I looked up and it was my coach and it was my other coach.

01:24:46.000 And I saw my mom kind of walking towards me and with that look on her face. 0.94

01:24:52.000 And I was like, what just happened to me?

01:24:57.000 And where am I?

01:24:58.000 And okay, I recognize you, you, and that's my mom.

01:25:00.000 It's the first time you ever get knocked the fuck out.

01:25:04.000 But as a man, you might, I don't want to get knocked out.

01:25:07.000 But as a kid, you're fucked up.

01:25:10.000 And how long did it take before you felt normal again?

01:25:12.000 You didn't play football again that season?

01:25:15.000 How about the next that I sat out a week?

01:25:19.000 And they put me, yeah, yeah, they sat me out a week.

01:25:21.000 And by the way, I didn't know what a fucking concussion was.

01:25:24.000 Joe, I didn't know what a concussion was.

01:25:26.000 A kid on my team, Jimmy Campbell, when I came back, he said, oh, you're back already.

01:25:30.000 Oh, how you feeling?

01:25:31.000 All right.

01:25:31.000 I'm like, I'm fine.

01:25:32.000 I'm okay.

01:25:32.000 My mother never mentioned concussion.

01:25:34.000 My father never mentioned concussion.

01:25:35.000 Nobody knew what it was.

01:25:36.000 You had a concussion.

01:25:38.000 I went, oh, what?

01:25:39.000 It raises really important.

01:25:40.000 I went, but it raises very serious questions because now with football, that you know, we know what's happening to these guys' brains.

01:25:47.000 By the time they're even, by the time they get into the pros, sometimes their brains have shrunk.

01:25:51.000 We talked about it on a really recent podcast.

01:25:51.000 Oh, yeah.

01:25:53.000 That kid, what the fuck's his name?

01:25:55.000 Henry.

01:25:55.000 What's his name again, Brian?

01:25:57.000 Henry Winkler.

01:25:58.000 No, the football player.

01:25:59.000 I don't know, it's not the five.

01:26:01.000 Do you remember you Googled this?

01:26:02.000 Yeah, I know what it is.

01:26:02.000 Well, anyway, this kid was 28 years old, fell off the back of a truck.

01:26:05.000 They do an autopsy on him.

01:26:06.000 His brain's fucked.

01:26:07.000 He was the wide receiver.

01:26:08.000 Yeah, his brain was fucked.

01:26:10.000 He had the brain of an old man. 1.00

01:26:11.000 Yeah, already at 28.

01:26:12.000 But that's the question now.

01:26:14.000 What does that say now?

01:26:15.000 Now, what do we do about the sport?

01:26:16.000 What does that say?

01:26:17.000 You want your kid playing football?

01:26:18.000 I don't want my kid playing football.

01:26:19.000 Fuck that.

01:26:20.000 I would rather my kid box, for real.

01:26:22.000 Because at least I think you can teach a kid how important it is not to get hit in the head and use good fundamentals and work with a good fucking coach that's not going to throw you to the wolves and get you beat up.

01:26:31.000 You got to look at your brain as a time card.

01:26:34.000 You have only so many holes you can get punched.

01:26:37.000 And, you know, you punch a few.

01:26:38.000 One, you might be okay.

01:26:39.000 Two, whoa, it's getting weird.

01:26:41.000 Three, oh, Jesus.

01:26:42.000 Yeah.

01:26:44.000 Scary shit.

01:26:44.000 And they didn't know.

01:26:45.000 It's weird that they didn't know.

01:26:47.000 This was just a few decades ago and they didn't know what to do.

01:26:50.000 Joe, I'm sorry.

01:26:51.000 Let me give you my very brief history of my relationships with concussions.

01:26:56.000 Okay.

01:26:56.000 10 years old, first concussion, playing football.

01:26:59.000 Okay.

01:27:00.000 Pop Warner in Brooklyn.

01:27:02.000 Then I'm 13 and I get high and I fall out of a tree.

01:27:07.000 Concussion, I'm in the hospital for a week.

01:27:09.000 In the hospital for a week.

01:27:11.000 How high was the tree?

01:27:11.000 Okay.

01:27:13.000 I fucked up.

01:27:13.000 High.

01:27:14.000 I was high.

01:27:15.000 20 feet.

01:27:15.000 Yeah, I was way up.

01:27:16.000 I was way up.

01:27:18.000 Actually, no, I was on a swing.

01:27:20.000 I got high.

01:27:21.000 I fell off.

01:27:22.000 My friend put me on my bike.

01:27:23.000 I was knocked out.

01:27:24.000 My friend put me on my bike.

01:27:26.000 We had to ride back home about two miles.

01:27:27.000 No bullshit.

01:27:28.000 Back on Highland Boulevard.

01:27:31.000 I didn't know where.

01:27:32.000 Dude, I woke up in the hospital that night but I had been functioning the whole day.

01:27:39.000 You know, then UFC fights all the time.

01:27:42.000 And not remembering.

01:27:42.000 And Alex Caceres this weekend gets headkicked in the first round, gets dropped, goes on, fights this crazy three-round fight.

01:27:49.000 At the end of the fight, they tell him it's the end of the fight.

01:27:52.000 He goes, what?

01:27:53.000 He goes, you're lying.

01:27:55.000 He goes, that was the end of the third round.

01:27:56.000 He goes, you're lying to me right now.

01:27:58.000 You're lying to me right now.

01:27:59.000 He goes, you're lying to me right now.

01:28:00.000 And then they stand in there in the middle of the ring and they read the decision.

01:28:04.000 The referee's reading it.

01:28:05.000 And he's like, baffled.

01:28:06.000 I can't believe this is really the decision.

01:28:07.000 This is really the end of the fight.

01:28:08.000 Like, what happened?

01:28:09.000 What happened?

01:28:10.000 Short-term memory loss.

01:28:11.000 Fought two and a half rounds, not even conscious, just on autopilot.

01:28:16.000 Crazy.

01:28:18.000 Then I got a concussion next year, 14 in the hospital for playing football.

01:28:21.000 Then next year, three years in a row, 13, 14, 15.

01:28:24.000 Jeez.

01:28:25.000 You got that long neck, man.

01:28:26.000 You just start wearing a helmet or something.

01:28:28.000 And all of them, you're going out.

01:28:29.000 The second concussion was a fight.

01:28:31.000 I hit the back of my head against the concrete.

01:28:33.000 Oh, jeez.

01:28:35.000 So a guy punches you.

01:28:37.000 You fall.

01:28:37.000 Punches me.

01:28:38.000 Fall.

01:28:39.000 And, you know, it's that fall where you fucking hit your back and snap your head back.

01:28:42.000 And by the way, he was a friend of mine.

01:28:44.000 Oh, geez.

01:28:45.000 Yeah.

01:28:45.000 It wasn't, you know, it wasn't a real, real fight.

01:28:47.000 We were fucking around, fucking around.

01:28:49.000 I got tagged just by accident, just fucking around.

01:28:52.000 And by the way, he was with me when I was 13 the year before and put me on my bike and took me home.

01:28:58.000 Oh, geez.

01:28:59.000 This guy was a piece of work.

01:28:59.000 Yeah.

01:29:01.000 He later went on about two years later to break into my father's house.

01:29:06.000 And my neighbor, our neighbor, Bob Grant, an old Scot, said, I saw Robbie go up and climb onto your back of your roof.

01:29:15.000 He said, he's breaking into your house.

01:29:18.000 And my father went berserk.

01:29:20.000 My father took him to the Bahamas.

01:29:23.000 He was a family friend.

01:29:24.000 Should have taken him to the Bahamas and beaten the fuck out of him.

01:29:27.000 We brought him back to the house.

01:29:28.000 We brought him back to the house.

01:29:30.000 Take him on vacation.

01:29:31.000 He admitted doing it, and my father had him shave his head.

01:29:34.000 And that was like his whole time.

01:29:35.000 Yeah, he did that to two other guys, though, who broke into our house.

01:29:39.000 Two other guys have broken your house?

01:29:41.000 Why was everyone breaking?

01:29:42.000 But they were kids.

01:29:44.000 The others were only 15.

01:29:45.000 The kids shave his head?

01:29:45.000 We made the kids.

01:29:46.000 Made the kids shave their head.

01:29:48.000 How many guys broke into your fucking house?

01:29:49.000 Well, my best friend did at 15.

01:29:53.000 And at 15, my little sister's, two of her friends broke in.

01:29:58.000 Girls? 0.96

01:29:59.000 One girl.

01:30:00.000 He made them two guys.

01:30:01.000 Did he make the girl shave her head? 0.99

01:30:02.000 Yes.

01:30:03.000 My dad did.

01:30:03.000 He did.

01:30:04.000 He made the girl shave. 1.00

01:30:05.000 I'm just learning this racket.

01:30:05.000 I don't want to say their names.

01:30:07.000 Can you imagine?

01:30:07.000 He made the girl shave.

01:30:08.000 His dad is so old school brother.

01:30:10.000 He said very basically, he said very basically, listen, you're going to pay me back everything you owe me, which was just the change jars.

01:30:17.000 They're kids.

01:30:17.000 They drank booze.

01:30:18.000 They're 15.

01:30:20.000 And he said, you're going to write a letter of apology and you're going to shave your heads.

01:30:26.000 And I remember they went, what?

01:30:29.000 And my dad said, shave your head.

01:30:31.000 I'm calling the cops.

01:30:32.000 And we're going over to your parents' house.

01:30:34.000 Jimmy, Jimmy's.

01:30:35.000 His father, his grandfather fought for the world heavyweight, lightweight championship.

01:30:39.000 Lightweight championship.

01:30:40.000 So how does he get the girl to shave her head?

01:30:42.000 He just tells her.

01:30:44.000 He just tells her, go shave your head. 0.71

01:30:46.000 How old is this girl?

01:30:47.000 Is she pretty? 1.00

01:30:47.000 15. 1.00

01:30:49.000 No.

01:30:50.000 Damn it, no.

01:30:50.000 Darn.

01:30:52.000 Italian girl, big, skinny. 1.00

01:30:54.000 Olive oil with a big nose.

01:30:56.000 Is she doing this?

01:30:56.000 Is she alone at home and he's going to check on her later?

01:31:00.000 No, no, they're coming the next day.

01:31:02.000 My father has an appointment with them the next day on his front step.

01:31:06.000 You're coming back here tomorrow at 5 o'clock.

01:31:08.000 So he doesn't want to supervise it and watch.

01:31:10.000 He just wants them to come back.

01:31:11.000 Just come back.

01:31:12.000 That would be a fetishy, weird thing.

01:31:14.000 That'd be like, wait a minute, you're having teenagers shave their heads in front of you.

01:31:18.000 We gotta crazy.

01:31:19.000 We gotta talk about that.

01:31:20.000 That's an interesting punishment.

01:31:21.000 I never heard that.

01:31:22.000 Well, my dad's old school.

01:31:24.000 He knows that.

01:31:24.000 They had to think about it.

01:31:25.000 He doesn't want to bring it up.

01:31:26.000 While they're walking around looking in the mirror at the stubble, they have a great idea.

01:31:29.000 Mark a cain.

01:31:29.000 Mark a Kane, man.

01:31:30.000 Exactly right.

01:31:31.000 You shave your heads.

01:31:32.000 And they did.

01:31:33.000 And I have to be honest with you.

01:31:34.000 They were those.

01:31:35.000 It's a gangster.

01:31:37.000 Get a girl to shave her head. 1.00

01:31:38.000 How did your dad punish you?

01:31:40.000 My dad, you know what?

01:31:42.000 He never did.

01:31:43.000 He very rarely did.

01:31:46.000 My dad just had to give me a look.

01:31:49.000 He just had to have a tone of voice.

01:31:51.000 And I got it.

01:31:52.000 My mom administered corporal punishment. 1.00

01:31:56.000 Yeah, religiously.

01:31:56.000 Your mom beat the fuck out of you.

01:31:58.000 No, she didn't beat the fuck out of me. 1.00

01:32:01.000 She's my hero.

01:32:02.000 She slapped me all.

01:32:03.000 She's my hero.

01:32:04.000 She ever knock you out? 1.00

01:32:05.000 When my parents were, she didn't knock me out, but this is a true story.

01:32:10.000 After my father and mom got divorced, my dad bought a house one block away on the next block.

01:32:16.000 So I could go up into my room in my mother's house.

01:32:19.000 I could look across and I would see my dad's house and I could see my room in my dad's house.

01:32:25.000 So that when I was home, my dad, I'd see my dad come home about five, six, seven, eight o'clock at night, whatever it was.

01:32:31.000 He was coming back from Manhattan.

01:32:32.000 And I'd see him come home and I'd turn and I go, mom, dad's home.

01:32:36.000 I'm going to go down and see him.

01:32:38.000 And I would go out the back door, climb over the fence, and I would be at my dad's front step and stoop in 25 seconds, less than that.

01:32:47.000 And we'd play hoops.

01:32:49.000 And my dad said to me when I was 12 years old, I'm divorcing your mom.

01:32:55.000 There's nothing we can do.

01:32:57.000 But don't worry, I'm not going anywhere.

01:32:59.000 And of course, I'm 12.

01:33:00.000 I'm shocked.

01:33:01.000 I'm like, what the fuck?

01:33:02.000 They never ever argued.

01:33:05.000 They're both awesome people.

01:33:06.000 It just was a marriage.

01:33:07.000 It just didn't unfortunately work out.

01:33:08.000 You mean like most of them?

01:33:10.000 Exactly.

01:33:10.000 Yeah.

01:33:11.000 That's why I'll never be married.

01:33:13.000 The only reason to do it is for children.

01:33:16.000 You can find a strange situation where the person is just unbelievably, you have some crazy compatibility and it works.

01:33:23.000 But there's a lot of pressure involved in living with someone.

01:33:26.000 There's a lot of pressure involved with being in a legal entanglement with someone.

01:33:30.000 The threat of divorce is always looming over it.

01:33:33.000 Is there a weird thing where you're illegally connected and you know, you know in the back of your head the statistics.

01:33:39.000 Everybody knows.

01:33:39.000 What is it, like 60% or something in California?

01:33:42.000 50, I think.

01:33:42.000 I think California is even higher.

01:33:44.000 I think California is really silly.

01:33:45.000 I know the national average is 50.

01:33:47.000 I don't know about California.

01:33:48.000 And that's the people with the balls to get out.

01:33:50.000 That's right.

01:33:51.000 That's the people with the balls to get out.

01:33:52.000 Absolutely.

01:33:53.000 And you know what, Joe?

01:33:54.000 That's exactly.

01:33:54.000 When I got older, I saw that.

01:33:55.000 I got that.

01:33:57.000 I really got that.

01:33:57.000 Yeah, your divorce with your parents really changed you.

01:34:00.000 I mean, you never really believed in marriage.

01:34:03.000 I still don't believe in marriage.

01:34:05.000 I'm married and I don't believe in marriage.

01:34:06.000 It's ridiculous.

01:34:07.000 I mean, it's a contract.

01:34:09.000 It's an institution.

01:34:10.000 That's the old saying.

01:34:11.000 It's a great institution.

01:34:12.000 It makes you want to be institutionalized.

01:34:13.000 It makes women feel better and it makes them have something they can say to their friends.

01:34:17.000 Oh, we're married.

01:34:18.000 Oh, you're married now with children.

01:34:20.000 Oh, she's married with children. 0.97

01:34:21.000 They love that.

01:34:22.000 Men don't give a fuck.

01:34:23.000 It's a social media.

01:34:24.000 When girls say, I got a ring. 0.53

01:34:25.000 They all go, ah!

01:34:26.000 When guys fucking say they got married, guys go, oh.

01:34:30.000 I know guys who have kids who live with their girlfriend and they have no intention of getting married and the girl, like, there's always like a thing.

01:34:38.000 No matter how much they love each other and how much they're together all the time and they just obviously have an amazing bond.

01:34:45.000 They want that legal contract.

01:34:46.000 They want that distinction.

01:34:48.000 That's right.

01:34:48.000 Designation.

01:34:49.000 Ultimate commitment.

01:34:50.000 This is Jimmy Burke.

01:34:51.000 Ultimate commitment.

01:34:52.000 This is Jimmy Burke.

01:34:55.000 I've seen him dodge that bullet time and again.

01:34:59.000 I had to turn my back in 30 seconds.

01:35:02.000 I had to turn my back.

01:35:03.000 What do you mean?

01:35:04.000 There were a couple times where I had to turn my back because you got close.

01:35:08.000 Oh, more than close.

01:35:09.000 You bought a ring once.

01:35:10.000 Oh, I bought a ring once.

01:35:11.000 I remember that.

01:35:12.000 It was fucking Hail Mary from the one-yard line.

01:35:16.000 Oh, so you're trying to keep her?

01:35:18.000 Trying to keep her.

01:35:19.000 Yeah, she's awesome. 1.00

01:35:20.000 She's mad.

01:35:21.000 I want something real.

01:35:24.000 I want something real.

01:35:24.000 This is my favorite.

01:35:26.000 You know what?

01:35:27.000 I mean, I love you, and you're so amazing, and you can be the most perfect bruiser for me ever.

01:35:32.000 But I want something real.

01:35:33.000 And then they cry.

01:35:34.000 I am 28 years old, Jimmy Burke.

01:35:36.000 Oh, my God.

01:35:37.000 And then I'm going to be 30, and I'm not fucking waiting for you to grow up.

01:35:40.000 You don't have a phone.

01:35:42.000 You know what happens to me?

01:35:43.000 When they cry like that, I'm like, oh, sweetie, come here.

01:35:44.000 Then all of a sudden I'm like, why do I have a part on?

01:35:47.000 It's so weird you're crying when it's turned me on.

01:35:49.000 Sweetie.

01:35:49.000 And you have sex with them, and then it's all fucked up.

01:35:51.000 You know, the real problem is there's two completely different fucking animals.

01:35:55.000 Absolutely different.

01:35:56.000 And they're forced to breed with each other.

01:35:58.000 You know, that's a totally different species, the male and the female. 0.73

01:35:58.000 So true. 0.73

01:36:02.000 Well, my biggest thing is that women would seem really, if there's a problem, women will just want to air it out and cry and just be heard. 0.99

01:36:09.000 Whereas I want to go, I want to fix the fucking problem.

01:36:12.000 I want to fix it.

01:36:13.000 I'm not, if there's an issue, let's figure out where the fucking hole is and fill it, right?

01:36:18.000 That makes sense to me.

01:36:19.000 And that's a very natural male.

01:36:21.000 They don't have that in them.

01:36:22.000 They're not reasonably airing at it emotionally, hearing themselves speak about it, talking about it.

01:36:27.000 That's the therapy.

01:36:28.000 For me, they like bitching. 1.00

01:36:30.000 For me, it's like, I don't want to talk about it.

01:36:31.000 Let's figure out where the fuck the problem is and attack the problem.

01:36:34.000 Well, that's one of the things that Chas Bono said when she started taking testosterone and becoming a man was how annoying women were. 1.00

01:36:40.000 Oh, that's funny.

01:36:40.000 Oh, so you really said it?

01:36:41.000 Bickering, yeah.

01:36:42.000 Cara he, I like how completely correct you are.

01:36:45.000 Thank you.

01:36:45.000 You're amazing.

01:36:46.000 Thank you.

01:36:46.000 You're amazing.

01:36:47.000 Thank you very much.

01:36:48.000 I have a charity bono, chastity bono story.

01:36:53.000 Charity bono.

01:36:54.000 Charity bono.

01:36:55.000 Fudge show.

01:36:56.000 A story?

01:36:56.000 Yeah.

01:36:57.000 I worked at the Morgan's Hotel, first out of college, out of Fordham, and I was working in room service.

01:36:57.000 I do.

01:37:05.000 And it usually got very busy and very intense.

01:37:07.000 And the Morgan's was the first hotel opened up by Steve Rubell and Ian Schrager after they got out of prison.

01:37:16.000 I don't know who that is.

01:37:17.000 Yeah.

01:37:18.000 Studio 54 at Joe.

01:37:21.000 Studio 54.

01:37:21.000 They own Studio 54.

01:37:23.000 Come on.

01:37:24.000 Steve Rubell, Ian Schrager?

01:37:26.000 Oh, Baba.

01:37:27.000 They also have some of the greatest hotels now.

01:37:29.000 Okay.

01:37:30.000 But most people don't know what the fuck you're talking about.

01:37:31.000 I'm sorry.

01:37:32.000 You're right, Joe.

01:37:32.000 You're right.

01:37:33.000 Thank you.

01:37:33.000 I got you.

01:37:34.000 I'm like, yes, exactly.

01:37:35.000 Anyway, these guys.

01:37:36.000 Studio 54 was probably the most.

01:37:39.000 I forget there's people listening.

01:37:40.000 Honestly, I'm explaining.

01:37:41.000 Yeah, I got it.

01:37:42.000 It was the most decadent nightclub in the 70s, Studio 54.

01:37:45.000 It was cocaine.

01:37:46.000 It was drugs.

01:37:47.000 It stood for, like, for the establishment, it stood for everything that was subversive.

01:37:52.000 It was sex, drugs, and rock and roll.

01:37:55.000 Oh, it was the real thing.

01:37:56.000 It's historic.

01:37:57.000 It's historic.

01:37:57.000 And it's where every culture started.

01:38:00.000 That's where people got fucked up, pregnant, killed, everything. 0.98

01:38:04.000 Right.

01:38:05.000 Okay.

01:38:05.000 So they got out.

01:38:06.000 They start a hotel.

01:38:08.000 You're working there.

01:38:09.000 They started to get a home.

01:38:09.000 Chassity.

01:38:10.000 Thank you for bringing it back.

01:38:12.000 And room service.

01:38:14.000 Hi, room service.

01:38:15.000 Jim speaking.

01:38:15.000 How may I help you?

01:38:17.000 Yeah.

01:38:17.000 Hi, Jim.

01:38:18.000 It's Chassity up in the penthouse.

01:38:20.000 Yeah, hi, Chassity.

01:38:21.000 What can I get for you?

01:38:21.000 Hey, how you doing?

01:38:24.000 I'd like the cottage cheese platter.

01:38:27.000 I'd like a tab.

01:38:29.000 They still had tab back then.

01:38:31.000 I'd like a tab.

01:38:32.000 And I would like a side of a chopped fruit salad.

01:38:36.000 I was like, okay.

01:38:38.000 And that'll be about 20 minutes.

01:38:40.000 All right.

01:38:40.000 Bye.

01:38:40.000 Thanks.

01:38:41.000 Phone rings 10 minutes later.

01:38:41.000 Bye.

01:38:43.000 Yeah.

01:38:43.000 Hi, Jim.

01:38:44.000 This is Jassity.

01:38:44.000 Hi.

01:38:46.000 Yeah, I just put that order into you.

01:38:48.000 I went, yeah.

01:38:49.000 Yeah, Jassy, what can I get for you, honey?

01:38:51.000 You know, I'm just going to change that order.

01:38:53.000 I'm going to have that cheeseburger deluxe with the french fries.

01:38:57.000 And I would like a beer with that, too.

01:39:01.000 Okay.

01:39:01.000 Was it a beer?

01:39:02.000 I didn't remember.

01:39:02.000 How old was she?

01:39:04.000 She was probably 16, so maybe it wasn't a beer.

01:39:06.000 It was probably a soda.

01:39:07.000 Right.

01:39:08.000 And I thought that was kind of strange.

01:39:13.000 She just kind of revamped the whole order. 1.00

01:39:16.000 Well, I would have immediately said somebody doesn't, when she's calling you with a hushed tone.

01:39:19.000 Exactly.

01:39:19.000 Somebody doesn't want her eating shitty food.

01:39:21.000 Somebody wants her on a diet. 1.00

01:39:21.000 Exactly. 1.00

01:39:22.000 Exactly.

01:39:24.000 Well, her mom's up there and sitting in there.

01:39:26.000 And so this is also my Cher story.

01:39:30.000 Yeah.

01:39:31.000 And I'm gay and I love Cher.

01:39:36.000 Yeah.

01:39:36.000 You're gay?

01:39:37.000 Yeah, I'm coming out right now.

01:39:37.000 I'm gay.

01:39:39.000 Look, if I love Cher, I'm gay.

01:39:40.000 Obviously, I'm gay.

01:39:41.000 All right.

01:39:42.000 You just have weird tastes.

01:39:43.000 You don't have to be gay. 0.98

01:39:44.000 If you love Madonna.

01:39:44.000 No, exactly.

01:39:46.000 Jimmy Berg is the straightest, gay, the gayest, straight man I know.

01:39:48.000 Okay, so what happened?

01:39:49.000 So I bring it up.

01:39:51.000 I put it down, blah, blah, blah.

01:39:52.000 She's like, thank you, thank you.

01:39:56.000 She then says, just let me sign this, blah, blah, blah.

01:40:00.000 It goes out.

01:40:01.000 Okay, fine.

01:40:01.000 I get a call from Cher.

01:40:02.000 I come up.

01:40:04.000 She nails her on sneaking in the bad food. 0.98

01:40:08.000 And I felt so bad.

01:40:09.000 You were there?

01:40:10.000 Yeah, I felt so bad.

01:40:12.000 So what does she do? 0.93

01:40:14.000 What does Cher do? 1.00

01:40:15.000 No, I heard her yelling. 1.00

01:40:16.000 I was at the door.

01:40:17.000 She heard her yelling. 0.86

01:40:18.000 I just, what are you doing?

01:40:19.000 Why are you ordering this?

01:40:20.000 And now they had the penthouse, which was, there was a downstairs and an upstairs.

01:40:24.000 I brought it to the downstairs.

01:40:26.000 And she specifically told me to bring it to the downstairs.

01:40:28.000 Sorry, bring it in.

01:40:29.000 Bring it downstairs.

01:40:30.000 Leave it downstairs. 0.80

01:40:32.000 I had to go back up and bring Cher up, an entire, she had a whole order coming. 0.97

01:40:38.000 And I brought it in.

01:40:39.000 She was pissed off.

01:40:40.000 She'd just gotten out of the shower.

01:40:41.000 She was in a robe.

01:40:42.000 She looked like just a wet rat. 1.00

01:40:44.000 And I love Cher.

01:40:46.000 I do.

01:40:46.000 You know, keep going.

01:40:46.000 I do.

01:40:48.000 And I love her music.

01:40:52.000 I don't think she deserved to win.

01:40:54.000 Come on.

01:40:54.000 Who cares?

01:40:56.000 So I put the stuff down.

01:40:58.000 I take everything off.

01:40:59.000 I'm doing my jackhandy room service guy thing.

01:41:03.000 And she, I can see she's fuming. 0.99

01:41:07.000 And I give her the thing, sign.

01:41:10.000 I don't know.

01:41:10.000 And it was probably $200 in the middle.

01:41:13.000 No tip.

01:41:15.000 Now, that's where my story's going.

01:41:17.000 No tip.

01:41:18.000 Doesn't even sign.

01:41:19.000 Doesn't even give me 10%, 5%, 15%.

01:41:22.000 Zero.

01:41:23.000 Zero.

01:41:24.000 Now, to her defense, tip was included back then.

01:41:24.000 No tip.

01:41:29.000 The 10% tip was included.

01:41:31.000 Not 15, 10%.

01:41:34.000 And so what are you bitching about? 1.00

01:41:36.000 I'm bitching about that.

01:41:38.000 You usually just do a tip on top of that.

01:41:39.000 I always got it.

01:41:40.000 Of course you do.

01:41:41.000 Because you're generous and because you get it.

01:41:41.000 I always do.

01:41:43.000 But yeah, I like Cher, though, because Cher, let me qualify this.

01:41:48.000 Cher spends her own money and a lot of it to send hockey helmets and equipment and even body armor to soldiers in Iraq. 0.93

01:41:56.000 Like on her own dime and does it anonymously.

01:41:59.000 Like fucking got called out.

01:42:01.000 They said, you're sending stuff.

01:42:02.000 And he's like, yeah, and I'm an entertainer.

01:42:04.000 Nobody respects my opinion, so I'm not going to give my opinion.

01:42:06.000 But she was so upset at these guys getting blown up, like in the beginning of the war, that she fucking, she spent a fortune sending them hockey, body armor.

01:42:16.000 And she was sending whole packages.

01:42:17.000 That's a whole lot of stuff.

01:42:18.000 I told you I love it.

01:42:20.000 But I've always looked at her situation with her kid.

01:42:20.000 That is great.

01:42:23.000 And when I saw the whole thing, first of all, her kid was really fat, right?

01:42:28.000 And then her kid becomes a man, right?

01:42:31.000 And I'm like, you know, how much of this is psychological, man?

01:42:34.000 How much of this is neglect?

01:42:36.000 How much of this is the kid just didn't get enough love and attention because mom was a fucking superstar jeting all over the globe, you know, sucking Greg Allman's dick and just wasn't there. 0.58

01:42:44.000 You know, who wasn't there, man?

01:42:45.000 How many psychic, I don't know either, but when I'm hearing this story, the kid wants cheeseburgers and she's a little kid and she's fat, you know, and her mom screamed at her, you can't have cheeseburgers. 0.97

01:42:54.000 There's a certain rebellion, you know, my kid needed.

01:42:58.000 It's a glamour icon and your mom is this fucking really famous sexy woman and you're this little blob and you're trying to sneak in cheeseburgers and your mom's screaming at you and you're hating your life and you wish you were a dude.

01:43:10.000 Maybe that's it.

01:43:11.000 We're going deep with the Chaz Bona. 1.00

01:43:12.000 Joe Rogan is the place to find Chaz Bonnie.

01:43:15.000 That's got to be hard.

01:43:16.000 That's one of the interesting things.

01:43:17.000 We were talking about that on my podcast, Brian Callendar, everybody.

01:43:23.000 Thank God you named it that too.

01:43:24.000 The Brian Callende.

01:43:25.000 That was your thing.

01:43:26.000 By the way, we got Joe Carnahan, I'm hoping, who is the writer-director of Smoking Aces in the Gray, and A-Team.

01:43:35.000 And he's going to be on my podcast.

01:43:37.000 We're going to lay it down this week.

01:43:38.000 Don't mention A-Team, though.

01:43:40.000 Next time we get out.

01:43:41.000 It's not good.

01:43:42.000 I didn't see it.

01:43:43.000 He's a good friend, and I love him.

01:43:45.000 Rampage is good.

01:43:45.000 And he's a great friend.

01:43:46.000 Rampage is good.

01:43:46.000 He's a great friend.

01:43:47.000 You want a toothpick?

01:43:48.000 No.

01:43:49.000 You see that Drive movie, right?

01:43:51.000 Yeah, we were talking about Drive.

01:43:51.000 Oh, yeah.

01:43:53.000 Brian had a whole bunch of hilarious tweets about how bad Drive is.

01:43:56.000 Dude, I was like, are you kidding me?

01:43:57.000 You're going to end it this way?

01:43:58.000 And what was all the hype?

01:43:59.000 That number.

01:44:00.000 And I thought about how boring it would be to shoot it.

01:44:01.000 Like, Ryan Gosling, all he was doing was just standing.

01:44:03.000 I mean, I love the guy's an actor, but what a bore to do.

01:44:07.000 To actually be an actor and sit around a cool.

01:44:09.000 You know what it is, man?

01:44:09.000 Here's what it is.

01:44:10.000 Most people don't know anybody cool.

01:44:12.000 And so they love someone just to pretend to be cool.

01:44:14.000 And they see cool being pretended.

01:44:16.000 Like, maybe that's what Cool's like.

01:44:18.000 He's cool.

01:44:18.000 Yeah.

01:44:19.000 It's covered with personification of cool.

01:44:22.000 I mean, that's flattered in blood.

01:44:23.000 Yeah, he's going to restaurants with people in an actor.

01:44:26.000 Yeah, and that was the elevator where they lived.

01:44:28.000 And like, what?

01:44:29.000 They just forgot about that?

01:44:30.000 There's like a dead body just smashed in there.

01:44:33.000 That's a bad movie, man.

01:44:34.000 That movie sucks.

01:44:36.000 First 10 minutes was good.

01:44:38.000 If you see the first 10 minutes, right after the action movie, you go, okay, this is a crazy movie.

01:44:43.000 What I did.

01:44:44.000 Race car driver.

01:44:46.000 Because I have always thought about that.

01:44:47.000 Like a lot of people, like, you know, we're cops.

01:44:49.000 Most cops don't know how to fucking drive.

01:44:52.000 You know, you get some crazy Mario Andretti motherfucker behind a Nissan GTR.

01:44:56.000 Good luck, copper.

01:44:58.000 Find that guy.

01:44:58.000 You better have a helicopter.

01:45:00.000 You know, you better have a helicopter and block those streets off in advance because you're not going to catch that guy.

01:45:03.000 You're not going to catch that guy.

01:45:04.000 Yeah, a guy who really knows how to drive can drive so much faster than a guy who doesn't know how to drive.

01:45:09.000 And what's up with the, like, like, I almost played the game Drive Today with my girlfriend, like, where we talk to each other and then we just wait 30 seconds until we monally respond.

01:45:18.000 Like, what was up with that?

01:45:20.000 You mean monotone?

01:45:21.000 Yeah.

01:45:21.000 Like, what was up with that?

01:45:22.000 Like, the dialogue.

01:45:22.000 Like, it was they were trying to do something cool.

01:45:25.000 You know what I mean?

01:45:26.000 I know, but for an actor, for an actor, it's like, hey, dude, you're going to spend three months shooting a movie.

01:45:30.000 And by the way, you have six lines.

01:45:32.000 Most of it's going to be you standing.

01:45:33.000 Think about the shots in that movie and what that would be.

01:45:35.000 Well, I've got a life.

01:45:37.000 It was an interesting choice because I think the guy was supposed to be autistic.

01:45:41.000 There was something, obviously.

01:45:43.000 There was a disconnect.

01:45:44.000 That's why he was such a good driver.

01:45:44.000 Fuck yeah.

01:45:46.000 Look, I think there's a lot of people undiagnosed, mildly autistic, Asperger, Spectrum.

01:45:51.000 There's a lot of people that are brilliant at something.

01:45:53.000 I've met fighters that are like that.

01:45:55.000 You know, where they have this weird way of talking.

01:45:59.000 Yeah, and they also, they don't get all wired up about stuff.

01:46:02.000 They're like real monotone about shit.

01:46:04.000 And then they go out there and fucking throw down.

01:46:06.000 On sports science, on sports science, they hooked up a lot of the really famous athletes to like in really high-pressure situations, like in games.

01:46:14.000 And they found that their heart rate stays exactly the same.

01:46:18.000 A lot of it's just this natural ability to stay calm under fire.

01:46:21.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:46:22.000 They become dead.

01:46:24.000 They become like not there.

01:46:25.000 And that's why whenever they ask like a physical genius to explain what was going on in your head during the game, they're really, they never can explain it.

01:46:33.000 They can never like, they just say, well, we're just trying to get the ball in the end zone.

01:46:36.000 And I just might be able to get it.

01:46:37.000 But when you're in the zone, man, I don't think there's the training has to be there.

01:46:43.000 The actual work has to be done beforehand.

01:46:45.000 But when you're actually performing, you get to that Zen state where you're on autopilot.

01:46:49.000 Something else takes over.

01:46:50.000 Yeah.

01:46:51.000 And that's one of the reasons why these dudes that are like these deadpan sort of dudes, they're not so concerned about their ego.

01:46:57.000 They're not concerned about everybody loving them and putting on a show.

01:47:00.000 I love gossling.

01:47:01.000 I love watching that guy.

01:47:02.000 He's eminently washable.

01:47:05.000 This is why he behaved that way.

01:47:07.000 It was a psychological choice.

01:47:08.000 And there are people like that.

01:47:09.000 So I got that, but I just thought the movie sucked.

01:47:11.000 There was like no cops in this city.

01:47:13.000 You could just murder people in the middle of the daylight.

01:47:15.000 This is Los Angeles where there's a million people in the parking lots of all the parking lots.

01:47:20.000 There was a couple of good chase scenes.

01:47:21.000 The chase scene when they went to that one place and the guy got shot and he's in the getaway car and they realized he got set up.

01:47:28.000 It was kind of interesting.

01:47:28.000 That was kind of interesting.

01:47:29.000 But there was so much dead stuff in between it.

01:47:33.000 The guy who got out of jail and you're like, what?

01:47:35.000 And the poor little kid and his dad's a loser.

01:47:37.000 His dad's going to get killed, obviously.

01:47:39.000 And he got all beat up in front of his kid.

01:47:41.000 Just stop hanging out with that girl. 1.00

01:47:45.000 Do you have a favorite movie?

01:47:47.000 No.

01:47:47.000 And was that Jewish Mafia?

01:47:49.000 Do we have to be worried about the Jewish Mafia? 0.91

01:47:51.000 Jewish mafia. 0.74

01:47:53.000 Yeah.

01:47:53.000 Is that what this movie was about?

01:47:54.000 It was always trying to make Jewish movies.

01:47:57.000 For the history of the organized crime, there have always been Jewish people that have been involved from Meyer Lansky, who was one of the original gangsters, because he's a smart guy and he wanted to make a lot of money. 0.76

01:48:07.000 Jews have a long history in organized crime. 0.92

01:48:10.000 That's what it seemed like, though.

01:48:11.000 It seemed like that it was like a West Coast Jewish crime. 0.97

01:48:13.000 You know, Ari Shafir's dad went to jail for like fucking four years.

01:48:17.000 You know that, right?

01:48:17.000 No, yeah.

01:48:19.000 Jews do crime. 1.00

01:48:20.000 Oh, yeah.

01:48:20.000 No, I'm not saying they don't do crime.

01:48:22.000 I just didn't know that there was like the West Coast Jewish mafia versus the East Coast Italian mafia.

01:48:26.000 Is that how it is?

01:48:27.000 Yeah, it was kind of funny.

01:48:28.000 They call me a kite.

01:48:29.000 Oh, come on. 0.87

01:48:30.000 You went there.

01:48:32.000 You cliched douchebag.

01:48:34.000 And by the way, Jim, how dare you?

01:48:34.000 Who wrote that?

01:48:35.000 I forgot.

01:48:36.000 This is the first, I think this is the first time that if you have a PlayStation, you can now go into a virtual world and watch this podcast right now in movie theater number three.

01:48:46.000 They're just airing our podcast in PlayStation Home on PlayStation Network.

01:48:51.000 That's fucking badass.

01:48:52.000 So all our virtual people.

01:48:54.000 So if you're in PlayStation right now, it's probably a few people right now that have already found it.

01:48:57.000 Yeah.

01:48:58.000 I'm going to start going hanging out in there.

01:48:59.000 And if you can find me, Dance For Me.

01:49:01.000 Dance For Me?

01:49:02.000 You can dance in PlayStation.

01:49:03.000 Oh, you can dance.

01:49:04.000 You can do everything.

01:49:04.000 It's a virtual world.

01:49:05.000 It's pretty sweet.

01:49:06.000 What is it?

01:49:06.000 It's like Warcraft.

01:49:08.000 It's called PlayStation Home, which comes free on all PlayStations.

01:49:11.000 And you pretty much go into this virtual world where you can hang out.

01:49:14.000 It's like a chat room.

01:49:15.000 It's a virtual world.

01:49:17.000 You can do things like it, like, you know, like bending over in front of a girl to tie your shoe. 0.99

01:49:20.000 And you just jump up and down.

01:49:23.000 No, I don't think you can do all this space.

01:49:25.000 Yeah.

01:49:25.000 No.

01:49:27.000 Fucking Jimmy one time.

01:49:28.000 You have your own apartment.

01:49:29.000 You can decorate your own apartment.

01:49:30.000 And you can have people come back to your house.

01:49:32.000 And then it's fucking badass.

01:49:35.000 Jimmy ran with the bulls in Palmalona one time, you know, with a big blonde red wig on him.

01:49:39.000 And he's got my grandmother, my mother, and my sister in the apartment.

01:49:43.000 He's like, I want to show you guys.

01:49:44.000 I want to show you.

01:49:44.000 We're in his apartment.

01:49:45.000 He goes, you guys don't see my videotape of me running with the bulls.

01:49:48.000 We're all like, no, no, let's watch it.

01:49:50.000 He goes, dude, the bull came at me.

01:49:51.000 I had to make a shuck right and then left and the bull fell down, which is really true, actually.

01:49:55.000 The bull cornered him and he shucked this way and he's got this huge wig.

01:49:58.000 He goes, you got it.

01:49:58.000 It's hilarious.

01:49:59.000 And he's telling the story.

01:50:00.000 He goes, well, I'll go back to my apartment and watch it right now.

01:50:02.000 So my grandmother, my mother, my sister, and myself, we're all like, we're all huddled around the TV.

01:50:06.000 And he goes, this is great.

01:50:07.000 He takes this tape, puts it in.

01:50:09.000 This is when they're at VHS.

01:50:10.000 He puts it in.

01:50:11.000 And he just pushes play.

01:50:12.000 And we're all like looking all of a sudden, just on the fucking screen. 0.87

01:50:17.000 And this cock is just ramming, ramming.

01:50:20.000 This huge black cock is just killing this poor girl. 1.00

01:50:23.000 And we all go, what the fuck is this?

01:50:26.000 And he goes, oh, I'm sorry, guys.

01:50:28.000 That's another tape that I'll show you later.

01:50:29.000 Hold on.

01:50:30.000 My mother, my grandmother are like, screaming like that.

01:50:33.000 Of course they were laughing.

01:50:34.000 They were laughing the hardest.

01:50:36.000 They loved it.

01:50:36.000 I was like, dude, you just showed my fucking grandmother, my mother, the most fucking launching porn, acting like, and he acted like it was a mistake and stuff.

01:50:44.000 You're completely removed from the digital experience, aren't you?

01:50:47.000 You're not online.

01:50:48.000 He doesn't have any other shit.

01:50:49.000 You don't get online?

01:50:50.000 You don't Google things?

01:50:51.000 Oh, no, no, no, of course I do.

01:50:51.000 You don't get on the internet?

01:50:52.000 No, no, no.

01:50:53.000 I have a computer that Brian gave me about 10 years ago.

01:50:57.000 I have a Mac.

01:50:59.000 You have a 10-year-old Mac?

01:51:00.000 I have a 10-year-old Mac.

01:51:02.000 It's dial-up.

01:51:03.000 You have dial-up.

01:51:04.000 Wow.

01:51:04.000 It's dial-up.

01:51:06.000 It's slow, but I'll be honest with you.

01:51:08.000 I use it for email.

01:51:09.000 I use it for research.

01:51:11.000 Yeah.

01:51:11.000 Research?

01:51:12.000 What are you researching?

01:51:13.000 Researching subjects.

01:51:14.000 TED.

01:51:15.000 And you don't.

01:51:17.000 You watch TED on a 56K modem with a 10-year-old Mac.

01:51:21.000 It's horrible.

01:51:22.000 Come on.

01:51:23.000 Why don't you call the computer?

01:51:25.000 Well, because I live in a world where you have to make choices about do you want to pay your rent this month or do you want to have a new computer or hopefully somebody will get you one.

01:51:36.000 You say waiting for her.

01:51:37.000 But you've kind of chosen to live in this world.

01:51:40.000 You don't live in this world because you're in Somalia. 1.00

01:51:42.000 No, no, no, not at all.

01:51:43.000 No, I'm very happy with...

01:51:43.000 You don't have any shoes.

01:51:47.000 I love it.

01:51:48.000 I get what I need to do.

01:51:49.000 You're such a strange guy.

01:51:52.000 I also read a lot.

01:51:53.000 I don't get all my vote.

01:51:56.000 What is the philosophy behind this minimalist approach to life?

01:52:00.000 You know, I never even thought about it being minimalist.

01:52:02.000 Yeah.

01:52:03.000 As Brian once said in asthete, I had to go and look that up because I didn't know what it was.

01:52:07.000 Do you think it has anything to do with the fact that you've been knocked the fuck out about 100 times?

01:52:11.000 You know what?

01:52:15.000 After my sixth concussion, my sixth concussion.

01:52:18.000 How long ago was this?

01:52:20.000 That was only about six, seven years ago.

01:52:23.000 Touch tackle league on the east side.

01:52:25.000 You were playing touch tackle even after all those times you got knocked out?

01:52:29.000 Oh, yeah.

01:52:30.000 You got knocked out with my dad on the sideline going, he's staying at.

01:52:34.000 Get him the fuck out of the game right now.

01:52:36.000 You just had a concussion.

01:52:37.000 I saw firsthand with you, and I saw this because they thought you were going to die.

01:52:40.000 They thought you had lung cancer, remember?

01:52:41.000 Right.

01:52:42.000 And it was serious.

01:52:44.000 And I was like, this is my best friend.

01:52:46.000 I was like, you're going to fucking die.

01:52:49.000 They thought he had either lung cancer or the disease that kills firemen.

01:52:53.000 Sarcardosis.

01:52:53.000 Sarcodosis.

01:52:54.000 I have a buddy who has sarcosis.

01:52:56.000 So that you die from that.

01:52:56.000 Okay.

01:52:57.000 I hope your body died.

01:52:58.000 Well, you take prednisone.

01:53:00.000 It's a very serious.

01:53:02.000 And they don't know how to cure it.

01:53:03.000 And so those are the options for Jim at one point.

01:53:06.000 And he was in the hospital.

01:53:07.000 And what was amazing to me was I was like, I go, you seem so un you just don't seem worried and you don't even seem stressed.

01:53:16.000 I know you better than anybody.

01:53:17.000 And you're just exactly like you always are.

01:53:20.000 And he said, he said, dude, I've made peace with my death a long time ago.

01:53:26.000 He's like, you really, I saw that firsthand.

01:53:28.000 I didn't see you miss even a beat.

01:53:30.000 It was the crazy thing.

01:53:31.000 Let me tell you something.

01:53:32.000 I still don't want to die.

01:53:33.000 This is what Brian and I always say about you.

01:53:35.000 Brian and I always talk about how hilarious you are, how funny you are, how what a great entertainer you are.

01:53:40.000 You're always peripherally involved in show business, but yet you choose to stay in New York and not have a cell phone and ride your bike around and not get into the hunt and not act.

01:53:50.000 But when you say things like, you know, I live in a world where I have to choose between eating or getting a new computer.

01:53:56.000 You don't have to do that.

01:53:57.000 You could have easily come out here and done a lot of shit.

01:54:00.000 You're a character, man.

01:54:01.000 You know, like my friend Joey Diaz, another character was just doing great.

01:54:05.000 He always does great.

01:54:06.000 It's because you see him and you go, I got to put this guy somewhere.

01:54:09.000 I got to do something with this guy.

01:54:10.000 That's you.

01:54:12.000 You could do, you still to this day.

01:54:15.000 It might happen.

01:54:15.000 It might be sooner than you think.

01:54:16.000 Why don't you do it?

01:54:17.000 You know, he loves New York and he loves New York.

01:54:21.000 I'm sorry, Baba.

01:54:22.000 Do you like New York?

01:54:23.000 Do you like Louis?

01:54:24.000 I have to be honest with you.

01:54:27.000 I'm a born-and-bred New Yorker and I'm totally fucking in love with New York.

01:54:30.000 I love New York.

01:54:31.000 My family's there.

01:54:33.000 What do you love about New York?

01:54:34.000 I love my lifestyle.

01:54:36.000 I love that I get on my bike, that every day I'm doing something that I love to do.

01:54:43.000 I'm a personal trainer.

01:54:44.000 I train people in the morning.

01:54:45.000 I love it.

01:54:46.000 I have clients.

01:54:47.000 I had one client for 19 years and one client for 18 years.

01:54:50.000 So I have long-standing relationships with these people.

01:54:53.000 I've never seen you walk down the streets of New York without knowing everybody, including cops.

01:54:56.000 Yeah, and I was involved in bars.

01:54:58.000 My dad owned bars.

01:55:00.000 You know, it's the New York milieu.

01:55:04.000 It's your village.

01:55:05.000 It's my village.

01:55:06.000 It really is.

01:55:07.000 I have so many circles, not to sound like a dick, but I have so many circles.

01:55:10.000 I remember somebody, I think it was you who pointed this out to me.

01:55:14.000 He goes, you have so many circles, not concentric circles, but overlapping circles.

01:55:18.000 How come you've never done stand-up?

01:55:20.000 Oh, dude.

01:55:21.000 Tell them about the Boohoo Hammerham, please.

01:55:23.000 This is a great thing.

01:55:24.000 Hold on, answer the question.

01:55:25.000 Why have you never done stand-up?

01:55:26.000 Because I never thought of myself as a stand-up.

01:55:27.000 But you're a hilarious dude.

01:55:28.000 Thank you.

01:55:30.000 You always have stories.

01:55:31.000 I mean, how could you, I don't understand that.

01:55:33.000 Because I think I'm a Shanaki.

01:55:34.000 And a Shanekee? 1.00

01:55:35.000 Shanaki?

01:55:36.000 What does that mean?

01:55:36.000 Shanaki is...

01:55:39.000 It's an Irish storyteller, Shanaki. 0.99

01:55:41.000 S-E-A-N-C-H-A-I. 1.00

01:55:45.000 Shanaky. 0.79

01:55:46.000 Can you tell Joe about the standard?

01:55:47.000 That's gambling.

01:55:47.000 How the fuck you get Shanakya?

01:55:49.000 Is that a shanchie?

01:55:51.000 Can you tell Joe about the Boohoo Hammerhead story?

01:55:54.000 You can't be talking over each other this much.

01:55:55.000 What are you saying?

01:55:56.000 What was it?

01:55:56.000 Goat Magic that was his name he was using, talking about the other day?

01:55:59.000 Oh, Fox Magic.

01:56:00.000 Fox Magic.

01:56:01.000 It seems like it's the same thing.

01:56:02.000 So what happened?

01:56:06.000 Some story, Boohoo Hammerhead. 0.69

01:56:08.000 Oh, Boohoo Hammerhead, right. 0.94

01:56:11.000 It's a Sunday, it's a Sunday afternoon.

01:56:13.000 I met my girlfriend at the time.

01:56:15.000 This is six, seven years ago.

01:56:17.000 And my old girlfriend, Shannon.

01:56:20.000 And I'm watching the giant game, and phone rings, and Adam Roth comes on.

01:56:25.000 And Adam Roth is performing down at Orleans Grocery that evening.

01:56:31.000 Adam Roth.

01:56:32.000 He's a guitarist.

01:56:33.000 He was with the Del Fuegos. 0.97

01:56:34.000 He's an amazing, amazing musician, a funny fucking dude.

01:56:38.000 Boston, Massachusetts, Don't Went Wild.

01:56:40.000 Thank you, Bubba.

01:56:41.000 Exactly.

01:56:42.000 Thank you, Bubba.

01:56:43.000 So he says, Jimmy, listen, we're going up tonight.

01:56:47.000 Oh, baby, what's going wrong?

01:56:50.000 Thank you.

01:56:51.000 We don't laugh on the phone like we used to.

01:56:54.000 You got a good voice, dude.

01:56:55.000 No, not really.

01:56:56.000 Accent's pretty good.

01:56:57.000 I like that.

01:56:58.000 Sorry.

01:56:59.000 That's showing a trick, Joe.

01:56:59.000 Sometimes you got to say that.

01:57:02.000 So I am.

01:57:03.000 He's got a nice voice.

01:57:03.000 You have a nice voice.

01:57:04.000 You know what you have?

01:57:05.000 You have good range.

01:57:10.000 More chastity.

01:57:12.000 Yeah, where were chastity? 1.00

01:57:13.000 So Adam Roth calls me.

01:57:14.000 So Adam Roth calls me.

01:57:16.000 So Adam Roth calls me and he says, So we're performing tonight, and in between sets, we usually have about 15 minutes.

01:57:22.000 He goes, we just came to the point.

01:57:24.000 Oh, I remember this story.

01:57:24.000 Yeah.

01:57:25.000 With this funny thought of maybe you coming down and doing stand-up in between sets and really sucking and really bombing.

01:57:33.000 And I started laughing.

01:57:34.000 I went, oh my God, that's the fucking, it's like he gave me the magic pill.

01:57:38.000 I went, are you serious?

01:57:40.000 So he goes, yeah.

01:57:40.000 I go, that's perfect.

01:57:42.000 I said, I just get to go down there and beef and bomb.

01:57:45.000 Okay.

01:57:46.000 On purpose.

01:57:47.000 Bomb on purpose.

01:57:48.000 Be the worst comedian ever.

01:57:50.000 Exactly.

01:57:50.000 It's a great story.

01:57:51.000 And so I want, so there's no pressure.

01:57:55.000 There's actually pressure to bomb.

01:57:57.000 Yeah.

01:57:57.000 Okay.

01:57:58.000 Because I am so naturally actually handsome and effortless and eboolean.

01:58:05.000 Less is more.

01:58:06.000 Thank you.

01:58:06.000 And so I immediately put down the phone and go, great.

01:58:11.000 And I go, done.

01:58:13.000 I'll be down there.

01:58:14.000 I call up Brian.

01:58:16.000 I said, BB, I'll call him BB.

01:58:18.000 I go, BB, you're never going to guess.

01:58:20.000 I tell him, he goes, oh my God.

01:58:21.000 He goes, let me give you.

01:58:23.000 He goes, let me give you.

01:58:24.000 He goes, oh, that's funny, Jimmy.

01:58:26.000 Let me give you some lines.

01:58:26.000 So he gives me, just do topical humor.

01:58:29.000 Just do observational humor.

01:58:31.000 Bad jokes from the bottom.

01:58:32.000 Yeah, bad airplane jokes and beds.

01:58:34.000 You know, just bad shit.

01:58:36.000 What's the deal with the airplanes?

01:58:37.000 Yeah.

01:58:38.000 But I had you do, you did some of that, my, my material, like the gay stuff. 0.99

01:58:43.000 Yes, yes, I did.

01:58:44.000 And that was funny, and that worked, and I did it really well because I was just stealing back what he had taken from me.

01:58:50.000 Anyway, you're welcome, Bubba.

01:58:51.000 Thank you, Bubba.

01:58:52.000 Thank you, Bubba.

01:58:53.000 So, because I did point that out to you, by the way, how gay men point. 0.97

01:58:57.000 Okay.

01:58:59.000 Stole some of his stuff?

01:59:00.000 I steal all of his stuff.

01:59:01.000 So it's given to him with love.

01:59:04.000 Thank you.

01:59:05.000 So you go on stage and you fucking bomb on purpose.

01:59:08.000 Let me tell you what I did.

01:59:09.000 Let me tell you what I did.

01:59:10.000 What'd you do?

01:59:11.000 I said to my girlfriend at the time, I said, listen, you're going to go up and hopefully there'll be a table open up there, up near the front.

01:59:20.000 And I just want you to sit down because I want you to start to heckle me when I start to do my JFK Dallas portion of my recollection thing.

01:59:29.000 She goes, okay, okay.

01:59:30.000 I said, now I'm going to get kind of hard on you.

01:59:32.000 So she's my setup heckler.

01:59:35.000 Okay.

01:59:36.000 Because I know you guys all set up your hecklers.

01:59:37.000 I know that.

01:59:38.000 I know you said that.

01:59:38.000 I know that.

01:59:39.000 I just got accused of that, man.

01:59:41.000 We'll stop setting them up.

01:59:44.000 So she goes down.

01:59:47.000 And this is, can I give you a little bit of a question?

01:59:50.000 How about do this where I don't fall asleep?

01:59:52.000 You know, it's hard for me to give that.

01:59:52.000 Okay, thank you.

01:59:55.000 So I go on.

01:59:56.000 I go on with a beer.

01:59:58.000 I start off.

01:59:59.000 You know, it's great to be down here in Greenwich Village, you know, with my gay brother.

02:00:02.000 And hey, you know how you get a gay guy to fuck a woman, right? 0.99

02:00:04.000 You know, you throw some shit in her cunt. 1.00

02:00:06.000 That's the first joke he comes to.

02:00:08.000 That's how I open up.

02:00:09.000 And the whole place.

02:00:09.000 That's hilarious.

02:00:10.000 And the place starts laughing.

02:00:12.000 And I go, oh, that's actually great.

02:00:13.000 Wow.

02:00:14.000 And then I start doing your jokes about gay men and how they point, blah, blah, blah.

02:00:18.000 And it's actually okay.

02:00:19.000 It's actually kind of working a little bit.

02:00:22.000 So then I go into my, you know, if you believe in Pavlov's theory, you know, the ringing of the bell for the dog and the dog starts to salivate.

02:00:30.000 I was thinking about the guy who back in 1962, 1963, was in his kitchen getting blowjob, a really hot, sexy blowjob.

02:00:40.000 And over the radio, his little transistor radio radio.

02:00:42.000 This is the joke he's telling.

02:00:43.000 The little transistor radio.

02:00:45.000 Yeah, this is the bad joke.

02:00:46.000 This is supposed to be bad, guys, okay?

02:00:47.000 Because I'm supposed to bomb.

02:00:48.000 And he's getting blowjob.

02:00:50.000 And it comes over that Kennedy has been shot and killed.

02:00:53.000 JFK has been shot and killed.

02:00:54.000 And he blows his wad, okay?

02:00:57.000 Just as he hears that over the radio.

02:00:58.000 He's like, oh my God, the president's been fucking shot.

02:01:01.000 But he blows his wad.

02:01:02.000 So now he has that connected to a really good impulse in his brain.

02:01:08.000 That's his joke.

02:01:09.000 No, no, no, no, no.

02:01:10.000 And every time someone says, so do you remember where you were when Kennedy was assassinated?

02:01:15.000 He gets a fucking heart on.

02:01:17.000 Okay.

02:01:18.000 Wow, sucks.

02:01:19.000 I start bombing.

02:01:20.000 It's horrible.

02:01:22.000 My girl who I set up.

02:01:23.000 And you had a beer and you're talking about her.

02:01:25.000 Yeah, I just got a rehab.

02:01:26.000 It's stupid.

02:01:28.000 But my girl up front goes, that's not funny.

02:01:31.000 I go, what do you mean that's not funny?

02:01:32.000 She goes, I was a big JFK supporter and that's not funny.

02:01:36.000 All right, listen, sister.

02:01:37.000 All right.

02:01:38.000 Why don't you, and we get into it.

02:01:39.000 I start telling her, shut the fuck up. 1.00

02:01:41.000 And I took a lot of my stuff from what you did and how you try to get hecklers and how you fucking put them down.

02:01:48.000 And then I literally said, hey, do yourself a favor.

02:01:51.000 Go fucking throw some shit in your cunt and go outside and get laid. 1.00

02:01:53.000 All right.

02:01:54.000 No, not you.

02:01:55.000 That's that.

02:01:56.000 That was my line.

02:01:57.000 But I know that you could, you rip them.

02:01:59.000 I know you rip them.

02:02:00.000 I try not to.

02:02:01.000 Well, I think.

02:02:02.000 They stick the finger in their cage with you.

02:02:03.000 Yeah, I mean, I've seen it.

02:02:04.000 But you try to be fair, but if somebody's dumb and they fucking keep poking at you, it's crazy.

02:02:09.000 But you got to let them really dig their own hole first.

02:02:12.000 The most important thing is the audience has to want you to do something.

02:02:15.000 You can't just go after them.

02:02:17.000 So when you went after like overreacted, the audience will fucking hate you.

02:02:21.000 Oh, yes.

02:02:22.000 And I wanted to get away with the wildest shit.

02:02:25.000 They hated me.

02:02:25.000 Dude, it was at the end.

02:02:27.000 There was not a sound.

02:02:28.000 There was not a sound.

02:02:29.000 People were recording.

02:02:31.000 Recording.

02:02:32.000 I wish you had, man.

02:02:33.000 I don't have a cell phone.

02:02:36.000 Five minutes set.

02:02:37.000 Five minutes.

02:02:38.000 And it was real quick, real quick.

02:02:38.000 Five minutes.

02:02:41.000 I got a couple laughs.

02:02:41.000 I started doing dead shit.

02:02:43.000 Exactly.

02:02:44.000 I started.

02:02:45.000 I would have done the whole set, and it would have been like half that.

02:02:47.000 Exactly.

02:02:48.000 You know what?

02:02:49.000 I wrote it down and I still have it.

02:02:51.000 Really?

02:02:51.000 You wrote down the set list?

02:02:52.000 I wrote down the set because I've never fucking done standards.

02:02:54.000 Well, if you were on Slipper, I would say once you put that online, it would be fun for people to look at, but you're removed from the cultural experience with your 56k modem.

02:03:01.000 Exactly.

02:03:02.000 You'll have to come over to the future.

02:03:03.000 Fucking coal-fired computer.

02:03:04.000 Have you guys heard about this thing where JFK's mistress just finally released a book?

02:03:09.000 She's 69 years old and a grandmother now.

02:03:11.000 She was a 19-year-old virgin when she met him, and he fucked her.

02:03:15.000 He took her virginity. 0.82

02:03:16.000 Wow.

02:03:16.000 Yeah.

02:03:16.000 He made her suck one of the other senators' cocks in front of her.

02:03:21.000 Wow.

02:03:22.000 Yeah.

02:03:23.000 Yeah.

02:03:23.000 He said to her, yeah, he's looking really tense.

02:03:25.000 Why don't you go over there and take care of him?

02:03:26.000 And JFK watched while she sucked this other guy's dick. 1.00

02:03:29.000 And JFK tried to get her to suck his brother's dick. 1.00

02:03:32.000 Tried to get her to suck Teddy's dick, but she wouldn't do it. 1.00

02:03:36.000 That's where she drew the line.

02:03:37.000 An 89-year-old woman is writing this.

02:03:39.000 69.

02:03:40.000 69-year-old.

02:03:41.000 It's fucking fascinating, man.

02:03:43.000 She didn't say suck his dick. 1.00

02:03:44.000 She said performed oral suckers. 1.00

02:03:46.000 Those guys were so decadent.

02:03:47.000 You could get away with it because the press wouldn't expose you back then.

02:03:50.000 Well, not only that, I mean, there was no access.

02:03:54.000 People didn't have access to the press.

02:03:56.000 It wasn't the way it is today where you could just get on fucking Facebook and you go, I just fucked the president.

02:04:02.000 I mean, even the Lewinsky thing, like, they were operating on an old model.

02:04:06.000 They hadn't realized that now people were more salacious.

02:04:10.000 They wanted more gossip.

02:04:11.000 They wanted more.

02:04:12.000 And you were right.

02:04:13.000 They wouldn't have said that story in the 1960s.

02:04:15.000 The press would have had respect.

02:04:17.000 And they would have, you know.

02:04:17.000 Yeah.

02:04:18.000 You were protected.

02:04:19.000 Yeah, you were protected.

02:04:20.000 There was a proto-sacred, there was a sacred trust, you know, and now there's none of that, of course.

02:04:28.000 Now we love it when people.

02:04:29.000 Well, if you ever, if you ever, it's fascinating because you could control the sources of media because they weren't everywhere.

02:04:34.000 And so what would happen was like LBJ, Linda Mee Johnson during the Vietnam War, he would, you can, in his tapes, you can hear him talking to the editors of these big newspapers and just saying, can you do me a favor?

02:04:47.000 Can you please delay publication of that story?

02:04:50.000 Because I'm trying to do some sensitive work here in Vietnam and you'll expose some soldiers and the name.

02:04:55.000 And it's amazing how he charmed these guys into delaying a story.

02:04:58.000 You could never do that, did he?

02:05:00.000 Well, look at this whole WikiLeaks thing.

02:05:01.000 That's the argument behind all that.

02:05:03.000 The argument behind the WikiLeaks thing is this guy, you're saying he's not a journalist.

02:05:07.000 Well, I'm saying he's the only one that's a fucking journalist.

02:05:09.000 Because all these other assholes wouldn't have released it.

02:05:12.000 If you gave that information to the New York Times, you gave the New York Times the video of that fucking Apache helicopter gunning down those people in the street and making light of the fact that they brought their kids.

02:05:21.000 Shit, they brought their kids.

02:05:22.000 Into a battle.

02:05:24.000 That would have never been fucking revealed.

02:05:27.000 They would have stepped back and they would have looked at their corporate interest and looked at the access they have to sensitive information.

02:05:34.000 There's also a law, there was a law passed, and I believe it was World War II, it might have been World War I, where you're not allowed to post pictures, gory pictures of what really happens to soldiers.

02:05:46.000 Because the truth is, when you get shot with big caliber guns, you come apart.

02:05:50.000 You don't have holes.

02:05:52.000 You come apart.

02:05:53.000 And one of the things that was the law, I believe it was a little bit, I believe it's a law, I don't remember exactly.

02:05:58.000 But you cannot do that because it's bad for morale.

02:06:00.000 It's bad for soldier morale.

02:06:02.000 And there are a lot of, it's very controversial because there are a lot of journalists who say, well, that is war.

02:06:07.000 And as long as you keep it that removed and that abstract, you're not going to have people in the street talking.

02:06:13.000 And the truth should be out there.

02:06:15.000 But at the same time, there is something to be said about keeping things.

02:06:21.000 I don't want, if my loved one gets blown to fucking smithereens, I don't want his remains all over a newspaper.

02:06:26.000 Yeah, but that's not the solution.

02:06:27.000 The solution is don't have your loved one get blown to smithereens.

02:06:29.000 Don't have them go over in a fucking crazy war that makes no sense.

02:06:32.000 Like I said, the Bush administration got so fucked up, they wouldn't even let them take photos of coffins.

02:06:37.000 It become a crime to take photographs of American flag-draped coffins.

02:06:42.000 That's complete and total insanity.

02:06:44.000 But that WikiLeaks revelation, when people saw that gun footage, what was it called?

02:06:51.000 Something murder or something?

02:06:54.000 What did they call it?

02:06:55.000 They released it under an actual name.

02:06:57.000 Oh, collateral murder.

02:06:58.000 That's what they called it.

02:07:00.000 I think it was on collateralmurder.com.

02:07:02.000 It's collateral damage.

02:07:03.000 No, it was collateral murder.

02:07:05.000 Collateral murder.

02:07:06.000 Absolutely.

02:07:08.000 Which was what?

02:07:10.000 What is collateral murder?

02:07:11.000 That video.

02:07:11.000 Well, the video.

02:07:12.000 The gun shit shooting two of those people.

02:07:14.000 That's so fucking mad.

02:07:15.000 Horrifying.

02:07:16.000 I mean, and when the guy says they've got kids, kids, and then he goes, well, they shot schools.

02:07:21.000 He says after they shot 50 caliber fucking.

02:07:23.000 It's their fault to bring kids into a battle.

02:07:25.000 Oh, my God.

02:07:26.000 It's so hard to hear American soldiers that are that fucking hardened by it all and removed and callous to the idea that they're, you know, they're.

02:07:34.000 Well, they're looking at, you know, a lot of those guys, if they were insurgents and they had the intelligence that said they were and they just pulled off whatever they pulled off, you get, you do, you get angry.

02:07:43.000 Yeah.

02:07:44.000 Of course.

02:07:45.000 I mean, it's, it's just, I mean, war is hell, but it's like people were so, it was so filtered by the time it got to America, you know, through the mass media.

02:07:54.000 It's so filtered.

02:07:56.000 What you see on television as opposed to what is actually going on, boy, it's a whisper of a fucking, of a nuclear explosion.

02:08:04.000 It's like, boom.

02:08:05.000 You know, that's what you're getting.

02:08:06.000 You're getting somewhere on the other side of the world.

02:08:09.000 And your remote civilization is being vaporized.

02:08:12.000 Great analogy, though.

02:08:13.000 That's what it's like.

02:08:14.000 That's great imagery right there.

02:08:15.000 Seriously.

02:08:16.000 It's really completely ridiculous that we allow it.

02:08:19.000 I mean, that's the only reason why we tolerate war in the first place, because we're completely removed from the effects of it.

02:08:24.000 As long as it's going on in some strange place where people are fucking donkeys in their spare time.

02:08:30.000 With the exception of the Civil War in this country, that is the American experience with war.

02:08:34.000 You know, 440,000 people were killed in World War II, and that's a lot, a lot of soldiers.

02:08:39.000 But it was still done in another place.

02:08:41.000 And if you were a European, that happened on your doorstep. 0.95

02:08:44.000 That happened in your city.

02:08:46.000 That happened.

02:08:47.000 You looked around in 1945, and old Europe was essentially reduced to rubble.

02:08:53.000 Well, that's why the Germans got really into shit porn. 0.82

02:08:59.000 For real?

02:09:00.000 Why do you think shit porn comes out of Germany?

02:09:02.000 Why some shit?

02:09:03.000 Because they're such a repressive society.

02:09:05.000 And because they were humiliated, and because they were Nazis, and because they watched their fucking family members get gunned down, and everybody just blew fuses left and right and started eating shit.

02:09:15.000 Yeah, I don't know.

02:09:16.000 I think it has to do with it.

02:09:18.000 The best shit porn comes from Japan and Germany. 0.98

02:09:20.000 Coincidence?

02:09:21.000 Those are also.

02:09:22.000 But those are also very, very repressive societies in a lot of ways.

02:09:26.000 Sure.

02:09:26.000 That's also one of the reasons why there were warrior cultures.

02:09:29.000 That's the best way to control people.

02:09:30.000 Who's more suppressed than North Korea?

02:09:32.000 You know, North Korea right now, they have a fucking moratorium on using a cell phone for like 100 days because of the deer leader died.

02:09:41.000 You know, if you go to jail for six months if you get caught using a cell phone.

02:09:45.000 How about those pictures of them crying?

02:09:45.000 Yeah, it's great.

02:09:48.000 Weeping.

02:09:48.000 Crying, weeping.

02:09:49.000 People who weren't crying got sent to labor camps.

02:09:52.000 Yeah.

02:09:53.000 Well, you get picked to live in Pyongy. 0.99

02:09:56.000 You get picked to live there.

02:09:58.000 Judge Fukushimi or whatever the reactor. 0.92

02:10:02.000 Today they said that it's gone up 26.7 degrees Celsius.

02:10:07.000 It went from 164 degrees Fahrenheit to the top.

02:10:10.000 To Today?

02:10:12.000 Yeah, it's been staying steady at 113, and then out of nowhere today, it just went to 164.

02:10:17.000 You know, I've talked to people, I've talked, well, when we talked to Shane, Shane Smith from Vice.com, who was telling us how it's so much worse than the Japanese government is letting on, how he was over there.

02:10:29.000 And, you know, the people that radiated food in Tokyo and people are getting what we Brian and I are going.

02:10:34.000 We're going in a couple of weeks.

02:10:36.000 Yeah, I'm terrified.

02:10:37.000 I'm a little nervous.

02:10:38.000 I mean, I know it's nowhere near Fukushima, but it's close enough that it's fucking scary.

02:10:43.000 And it's also still volatile.

02:10:46.000 The aftershocks are still going on from the earthquake that caused that tsunami.

02:10:48.000 That's scary.

02:10:49.000 And no one can say that one's not going to happen while we're over there.

02:10:52.000 We're essentially playing musical chairs.

02:10:54.000 Seriously.

02:10:55.000 But the government apparently is not being honest about the amount of radiation that people are being exposed to.

02:10:55.000 Yeah, it's crazy.

02:11:00.000 And you know why?

02:11:01.000 It's because they want to keep the economy moving.

02:11:02.000 Chao Sunnam was telling me that his buddy Yushinokami, who lives in Japan, they're bringing Geiger counters and they're testing their food.

02:11:10.000 And the food is fucking registering in supermarkets and places where it's radiated.

02:11:13.000 Unbelievable.

02:11:14.000 It's terrifying.

02:11:14.000 I mean, what they've essentially done is they've created a sun that you can't put out and it's in a field and there's nothing you can do about it.

02:11:21.000 And you can't put that out.

02:11:21.000 And there it is.

02:11:22.000 You can't put it out.

02:11:23.000 Not only can you not put it out, you can't contain it anymore.

02:11:25.000 If you throw cyclon, it's a complete meltdown.

02:11:28.000 So it's gone through its containment area and it's essentially going into the earth.

02:11:32.000 And by the way, there's no way you can stop it and it will be that way for the next 100,000 years at least.

02:11:39.000 For as long as there have been people that have been wearing clothes.

02:11:44.000 How about that?

02:11:45.000 Think about that.

02:11:45.000 Think about furs.

02:11:47.000 Think about 100,000 years ago, people were wearing animal skins that they stitched together and called clothes. 0.79

02:11:52.000 And that was a fairly new invention.

02:11:54.000 That's 100,000 years ago.

02:11:55.000 So 100,000 years from now, we're not even going to be this.

02:12:00.000 We're going to be integrated into some fucking computer hive. 0.52

02:12:03.000 And this spot will still suck.

02:12:06.000 This spot will, we're going to have to somehow or another figure out a way to warn future civilizations if there's a mass die-off.

02:12:12.000 Because if something happens to us, whether it's disease or shifting of the polar ice caps or a fucking meteor or human stupidity, and we kill a bunch of people with a fucking crazy virus that someone develops, like have you heard of this fucking crazy flu virus?

02:12:25.000 They developed a prototype flu virus to see if it was possible to do, and it's fucking unbelievably deadly.

02:12:32.000 And they said that if it got out, it would kill half the population.

02:12:35.000 Literally kill half the people that caught it.

02:12:37.000 50% of the people that catch it, they made it in a lab.

02:12:40.000 Something like that can get out.

02:12:42.000 Gore Vidal wrote about this in a book called Kalki 31 years ago.

02:12:48.000 And it was a mind-altering book for me.

02:12:50.000 Gore Vidal, one of my favorite writers, Kalki, read about it.

02:12:54.000 It's about biowarfare and what it does to the world.

02:12:58.000 It's absolutely real.

02:12:59.000 And unfortunately, for the same reason why nuclear bombs were created, human beings, when they get involved in any sort of a science, any sort of a discipline, you will want to push that discipline to its highest levels.

02:13:12.000 And if you're creating new things, whether it's new nuclear programs and power and fuel sources and propulsion systems, you're eventually going to come up with the ultimate weapon.

02:13:21.000 And do you not?

02:13:22.000 And someone else does?

02:13:24.000 No, it moves forward.

02:13:25.000 Technology moves forward.

02:13:26.000 It has an ethic and it has a mind of its own.

02:13:29.000 It almost does.

02:13:30.000 And essentially that exists in biowarfare as well.

02:13:33.000 If you are a scientist and your specialty is, you know, retroviruses or creating things or manipulating viruses or creating vaccines, and somehow or another you get into the grips of the federal government and the war machine and they say, listen, is it possible?

02:13:48.000 Can you make like a super AIDS?

02:13:50.000 Is it possible that you can make some sort of a fucking chickenpox that makes your dick fall off?

02:13:54.000 That's crazy.

02:13:55.000 possible.

02:13:55.000 I mean, they were really That's what it is.

02:14:00.000 They were actively pursuing the idea of a gay bomb for the Iraq war. 0.86

02:14:05.000 Did you know that?

02:14:06.000 That's a fantastic guy.

02:14:07.000 The CIA was actively trying to figure out if it was possible for them to make a bomb that would cause men to be uncontrollably sexually attracted to each other.

02:14:20.000 And the idea was, you know, they looked at like ecstasy.

02:14:22.000 And you give people ecstasy and you're like, wow, look at this.

02:14:25.000 Everyone's all affectionate and loving.

02:14:28.000 What if we found out what makes you gay?

02:14:30.000 What if we found out the trigger?

02:14:32.000 We know what makes serotonin.

02:14:34.000 We know what makes dopamine.

02:14:36.000 We know if we give you MDMA, you have this massive surge of feel-good treatment protein.

02:14:42.000 What if there's something or another that we can figure out that makes your dick hard for men?

02:14:48.000 Would the objective be?

02:14:49.000 Humiliate the troops because they would fall uncontrollably in love with each other and they'd just start fucking in the battlefield.

02:14:54.000 The CIA actually tried to fuck the enemy.

02:14:57.000 And then you're really in treaty.

02:14:58.000 All those guys marching toward us with hard-ons.

02:15:00.000 No, no, it was closed guns.

02:15:01.000 No.

02:15:02.000 It's called Operation Fabulous.

02:15:04.000 Operation Fabulous.

02:15:05.000 Exactly.

02:15:06.000 That's true.

02:15:06.000 No, it wasn't called Operation Fabulous, but it was a real thing.

02:15:09.000 They really were trying to come up with a fucking game on it.

02:15:11.000 Isn't that amazing?

02:15:11.000 Oh, yeah.

02:15:12.000 I read that, Bubba.

02:15:14.000 There's so many creeps out there that are pushing buttons.

02:15:16.000 I know.

02:15:17.000 There's so many fucking sociopaths with pocket protectors that are going, can we do that?

02:15:22.000 Can we do that?

02:15:22.000 Let's try to do that.

02:15:23.000 Let's contain that.

02:15:24.000 Contain that and try to do that.

02:15:25.000 I sit around trying to figure out ways to make people funny.

02:15:27.000 Some people figure out ways to kill people.

02:15:29.000 Well, Oppenheimer, man, it was almost impossible to not create the bomb because the real threat was what if the enemy gets it from it?

02:15:36.000 What if Germany gets it? 0.83

02:15:37.000 So if you have the technology, if you have the capabilities, you have to do it.

02:15:42.000 But that's, you know, I mean.

02:15:43.000 Oppenheimer, there's a famous, I guess, video I'm seeing of him crying or, you know, just kind of overcome with emotion over what he told me.

02:15:52.000 Well, he quoted the Bhagavad Gita as they blew up the first nuclear bomb.

02:15:57.000 I am become death, destroyer of worlds.

02:15:59.000 And they're like, what the fuck are you saying?

02:16:01.000 Wow.

02:16:01.000 He quoted the ancient hidden series.

02:16:04.000 Oh, there's a video of him.

02:16:06.000 Pull that up, Brian.

02:16:07.000 Pull that up because it's really fascinating to hear him talk about it.

02:16:09.000 When you hear actually Oppenheimer, you hear him say it in his own words.

02:16:13.000 He quotes it, and you can feel that you could feel the responsibility of a man who's directly responsible for killing half a million people.

02:16:21.000 Yet at the same time, it also ended the war.

02:16:24.000 And I'll tell you something else.

02:16:25.000 My buddy, a friend of my family's, Larry Small, on his desk, he was the president of the Smithsonian Museum.

02:16:32.000 On his desk, he had the Enola Gay, which was the bomb, the plane that dropped the bomb on Nagasaki and Hiroshima.

02:16:39.000 It's called the Enola Gay now.

02:16:42.000 It dropped Fat Boy and Little Boy, right?

02:16:46.000 Colonel Tibbetts.

02:16:47.000 Colonel Tibbetts was the people came in and they said, How can you have a weapon of destruction like that, something that killed that many people that quickly?

02:16:53.000 And he said, Well, if you notice, there's also a red bonnet around it.

02:16:56.000 And they said, What's the red bonnet?

02:16:57.000 He said, Well, that red bonnet actually, that belonged to a little child who had rickets because she couldn't get enough calcium and she was dying.

02:17:03.000 But after that bomb was dropped, four days later, the intern, the concentration camp that she was kept in was liberated because she was a little girl.

02:17:14.000 And that little girl ended up being my wife, who then gave me children.

02:17:18.000 So I actually like this fucking plane because it saved my wife's life, and I have two beautiful children.

02:17:24.000 That's a beautiful way to look at it.

02:17:26.000 But by the way, there's a large argument among historians where they believe that Japan had been trying to quit and concede victory for two weeks before we dropped the bombs.

02:17:36.000 That is why we wanted to drop those bombs anyway.

02:17:38.000 And there's just as much and more evidence on the other side that suggests that Japan was not going to quit, and in fact, it was going to cost up to 2 million American lives to storm Japan.

02:17:47.000 And I say fuck them, and I'm sorry.

02:17:49.000 And I get very emotional about this because Japan started that fucking war, and they were so horrific during the day.

02:17:54.000 Well, you hold on, hold on, though.

02:17:55.000 Starting with Japanese. 0.97

02:17:58.000 You also know that they were goaded into attacking Pearl Harbor.

02:18:01.000 And in fact, we knew they were defending Pharaoh.

02:18:02.000 We don't know Pearl Harbor, and I disagree with that.

02:18:04.000 The fucking History Channel, they had professors from three different universities that were standing up there talking about how they had decoded all this information.

02:18:12.000 They knew Japan was going to, that's why they pulled out these battleships. 1.00

02:18:15.000 Know the theory very well.

02:18:16.000 But they've proven that they pulled out critical battleships because they couldn't afford to lose them.

02:18:20.000 That is not true.

02:18:21.000 It's not true.

02:18:22.000 No, and it's professors who say that are simply, are simply theorizing.

02:18:27.000 And if you listen to the, I've been listening to this argument for 25 years.

02:18:32.000 If you actually look at the current literature, my father just read a book about this, had a long talk with him.

02:18:36.000 You look at the current literature, that theory has simply been debunked.

02:18:41.000 There is no way the United States lost a quarter of our navy, a quarter of the Navy was crippled because of that aggression.

02:18:51.000 Now, there was a lot of internal debate in Japan about whether or not to go to war.

02:18:55.000 But the fact of the matter is that Japan not only started that war back, talk to the Chinese about what Japan, that they've never still never apologized for. 0.51

02:19:05.000 They've never apologized for anything they did in World War II to this day.

02:19:09.000 And that's what Japan has never lived up to. 0.97

02:19:11.000 And they should be ashamed of themselves because their behavior in World War II was not only just aggressive, it was inhuman, and they've never taken responsibility for it. 0.57

02:19:20.000 Well, first of all, they were lower.

02:19:22.000 Hold on, you're talking about them like they're one person.

02:19:25.000 They're the same person today.

02:19:26.000 I'm indicting you, of course.

02:19:28.000 You're going crazy nationalism on me now.

02:19:30.000 No, no, no, I'm not being nationalistic.

02:19:32.000 You are a little bit.

02:19:33.000 Because you're saying they and they haven't taken responsibility.

02:19:35.000 They're not even the same humans.

02:19:36.000 They're not the same humans, but.

02:19:38.000 But you are right about the rape of Nam King. 0.94

02:19:40.000 It's fucking horrific.

02:19:40.000 I have that documentary.

02:19:41.000 Yeah, but it goes on.

02:19:43.000 It goes on.

02:19:44.000 But I'm mad at the Japanese government, not the Japanese people at all. 1.00

02:19:47.000 There's a lot to be respected about Japanese people.

02:19:49.000 They're saying fuck them.

02:19:50.000 And the people that got killed were civilians.

02:19:52.000 I'm talking about, I'm speaking as if I'm in 1945, and I'm saying that what ended that war was those two bombs.

02:19:59.000 Now, killing, vaporizing 100,000 people is a horrible thing.

02:20:03.000 It's a horrible thing.

02:20:05.000 But what I'm saying is that when you're a commander in a war like that, and you're Truman, and they come to you and they say, we can take that, we can take Japan, we can storm Japan, we'll probably lose a million American soldiers, or we can drop bombs on them.

02:20:18.000 That'll end the war tomorrow.

02:20:20.000 You say to your commanders, drop those bombs.

02:20:22.000 You're also saving Japanese lives on the Japanese. 1.00

02:20:24.000 And Japan has to take responsibility for the people. 0.93

02:20:27.000 Maybe that happened, but it also might have happened that they wanted to fucking use these bombs.

02:20:31.000 And they wanted to let everybody know that even if Japan wanted to concede defeat, listen, bitch, we're going to try these shits on you because we made them. 1.00

02:20:38.000 And we want to let everybody know how we have them.

02:20:40.000 I don't believe all this crazy take over the world nonsense any government or any administration.

02:20:46.000 But Brian does, and Brian takes the Fox News point of view on a lot of different things.

02:20:52.000 You do.

02:20:52.000 You get a little bit crazy.

02:20:54.000 And you don't concede that the government is capable of doing some horrific things.

02:21:00.000 But when you bring up things like Operation Northwoods and you know that they were going to kill American soldiers and blame it on the Cubans, that's absolutely factual. 1.00

02:21:06.000 I don't put anything past the U.S. government or any other government.

02:21:09.000 Right.

02:21:10.000 Okay, so then why would you think that they would be unwilling to drop bombs on somebody?

02:21:14.000 I think it's very hard to get away.

02:21:16.000 I think the way our government is structured, let me be very clear about this.

02:21:19.000 I don't trust our government.

02:21:20.000 I don't trust people in power, Americans or anybody else.

02:21:23.000 And I don't put anything past somebody in power.

02:21:26.000 So let me be clear.

02:21:27.000 Absolutely.

02:21:28.000 What I mean to say is whenever people say things like, for example, we wanted to drop the bomb, it's very hard.

02:21:34.000 It's very hard to win.

02:21:35.000 What happens the way our government is structured is you get into a war room with a lot of people, a lot of people who are civilians that military people have to answer to.

02:21:44.000 And there are about 25 different, and read Woodward's book called The War Room, A Bush at War.

02:21:52.000 Fascinating.

02:21:53.000 Because what happens in a war room is there are 25 opinions and everybody's buying for their, and they have intellectual debates the way all of us would.

02:22:01.000 They have their point of view and they talk about consequences.

02:22:04.000 And believe me, a lot of guys in there are going, there's a moral, there are moral points of view and everything else.

02:22:09.000 I don't want to kill a bunch of people.

02:22:10.000 So what happens is, finally, it gets whittled down to four or five arguments.

02:22:14.000 The president goes into a room and he has to choose.

02:22:16.000 But when you come into a room with a bunch of guys and you say, hey, I think we should drop this bomb because I want to see if it works.

02:22:22.000 It's not like that.

02:22:22.000 Yeah, it's not like that.

02:22:23.000 But I'm saying that those arguments are not.

02:22:26.000 You just really complexified the process of how to figure out what to do.

02:22:31.000 And then on the other side, you simplified it down to a ridiculous sort of a cartoonish.

02:22:36.000 I didn't mean to do it.

02:22:37.000 I'm just trying to paraphrase.

02:22:37.000 Let's see if it works.

02:22:38.000 But look at, man, look at the Gulf of Tonkin.

02:22:40.000 For sure, we know that they faked this attack in order to bring people in the Vietnam War. 0.88

02:22:44.000 Pentagon Payne.

02:22:45.000 For sure, we know that they knew that there was no weapons of mass destruction, and yet they brought us into Iraq. 0.87

02:22:49.000 For sure, we knew that the Operation Northwood, signed by the Joint Chiefs of Staff, was going to kill American civilians.

02:22:55.000 I agree.

02:22:56.000 They were going to kill American soldiers. 0.50

02:22:57.000 They were going to arm Cuban friendlies.

02:22:59.000 That's evil shit.

02:23:00.000 And no one ever went to jail for any of that stuff.

02:23:02.000 So, those are the same goddamn people that would have been responsible for all the other different things that could have been done.

02:23:07.000 I agree with you 100%.

02:23:08.000 All I'm trying to say is that all I'm trying to say is that I think it is.

02:23:11.000 So, you're saying that they did all this horrific shit, but they wouldn't do horrific shit.

02:23:14.000 No, no, no, no, no, I'm saying that.

02:23:15.000 What I'm saying is that maybe it's a factor, maybe it's wasteful.

02:23:18.000 It's one of the factors.

02:23:19.000 What I'm saying is that when you decide to drop a bomb on Nagasaki Shrimp, you do it for a laundry list of reasons. 0.93

02:23:25.000 Okay, I understand what you're saying.

02:23:27.000 I disagree.

02:23:28.000 And this is what I disagree with.

02:23:29.000 I think that you are saying that they would not consider doing that.

02:23:32.000 You are saying that they wouldn't do that.

02:23:34.000 It couldn't happen.

02:23:35.000 You're saying definitively.

02:23:38.000 He's saying definitively that it wouldn't happen because this is how the process goes.

02:23:42.000 I think you're dead wrong.

02:23:44.000 I don't think you know how the process goes.

02:23:45.000 And I think even reading books where Bob Woodward's describing the war room, I don't think you have a fucking clue as to how the process was going on in 1947.

02:23:54.000 I think it's massive amounts of speculation.

02:23:56.000 99% of the shit is classified.

02:23:58.000 And we know about a lot of fucking, even do the Freedom of Information Act.

02:24:02.000 I was reading up about the Pearl Harbor shit.

02:24:04.000 One of the reasons why they can't come up with a definitive reason or a definitive answer as to whether or not the government had prior knowledge is because of how many papers were classified.

02:24:11.000 But we dropped the bombs.

02:24:12.000 We dropped the bombs because it was going to end the war. 0.84

02:24:14.000 Maybe.

02:24:15.000 Maybe.

02:24:15.000 That's that's the problem.

02:24:16.000 We might have dropped the bombs because the war might have been on its way out anyway, and we might have wanted to let them know what the fuck was up.

02:24:21.000 There might have been an excuse to use them.

02:24:22.000 It is possible that they wanted.

02:24:24.000 Look, they didn't drop them on military checkpoints.

02:24:26.000 They didn't drop them on the army.

02:24:27.000 They dropped them on two cities, Hiroshima and Nagasaki, which were military cities.

02:24:33.000 Yeah, but they dropped them on the military infrastructure. 0.64

02:24:37.000 Well, sort of.

02:24:38.000 It's a city.

02:24:39.000 It's a city.

02:24:40.000 It was the worst war.

02:24:41.000 It was the most horrific war.

02:24:43.000 I mean, it was hell on earth.

02:24:44.000 Well, it was the first time we had.

02:24:46.000 Dresden looked like the surface of the moon.

02:24:48.000 It's the first time we know as far as that we had the capabilities to do something like that.

02:24:52.000 Look at the difference between Dresden before the Allied bombing.

02:24:56.000 It was conventional weapons, incendiary bombs, and then Tokyo before and after.

02:25:00.000 It is so horrific.

02:25:01.000 It's amazing that it was not that long ago.

02:25:03.000 That's the most incredible thing about World War II. 0.97

02:25:06.000 It was such a vicious war, and it was so ruthless on both sides.

02:25:10.000 But what I always just say is that the aggressors of that war were imperialist powers.

02:25:16.000 They were Japan and they were Germany. 0.99

02:25:19.000 And the objective, the sole objective was a group of men who had total control over their population, and their objective was world domination.

02:25:26.000 And that's the difference.

02:25:27.000 Imagine if they came through with it.

02:25:30.000 Imagine how different.

02:25:31.000 I thought about it.

02:25:32.000 How fascinating would it be if there wasn't a United States and the United States was, let's get fucking crazy and decide that pilgrims never fucking came over here.

02:25:41.000 And so this is just a bunch of Indians running around here and no one even knows what's going on in Europe. 0.98

02:25:45.000 And that's not outside the realm of possibility.

02:25:48.000 Because when you look at the window of opportunity between the 19, look at from 1700 to 1947.

02:25:54.000 That ain't shit as far as the universe is concerned.

02:25:57.000 And when you're talking about the fact that Europe had massive works of art, had all this incredible shit that they had already accomplished, all this amazing architecture, this amazing fucking history and written history.

02:26:10.000 And there's people here running around with animal skins over their dicks, shooting arrows at deers at the same exact time.

02:26:17.000 It's amazing.

02:26:17.000 I know.

02:26:18.000 It's amazing.

02:26:18.000 And if no one had the balls to get in a boat and come over here, who knows?

02:26:22.000 I mean, there would have been a tiny spattering of population in 1947.

02:26:26.000 That's really possible.

02:26:28.000 So what the fuck would have happened?

02:26:28.000 It's crazy.

02:26:30.000 If Hitler was still there, and Mussolini was still there, and whoever the fuck was the emperor of Japan, if they all got together at the time, and they really did the same thing, and they took over the whole world over there. 0.90

02:26:40.000 But it was also a time, you know, when they talk about World War II, and they talk about...

02:26:46.000 He was a god.

02:26:47.000 He was taking Amaratsu's. 1.00

02:26:49.000 That was the first time they heard his voice.

02:26:52.000 The Japanese people had never heard his voice.

02:26:55.000 They stopped everywhere.

02:26:56.000 And he told the country to surrender.

02:26:58.000 Whoa.

02:26:59.000 And Japanese people, there's video of it.

02:27:01.000 Japanese people were jumping to their deaths as the Allies were coming in. 0.85

02:27:05.000 The god was being piped in.

02:27:07.000 And by the way, to anybody who's listening who is Japanese and anybody who's, I am not putting anything past a government.

02:27:14.000 I'm not indicting the Japanese people today.

02:27:17.000 We're all people.

02:27:19.000 I'm not saying that.

02:27:20.000 I'm talking about governments, and I'm talking about men in power who still don't own up to responsibilities.

02:27:24.000 You're talking about the root of shit porn.

02:27:26.000 That's what I'm talking about.

02:27:26.000 That's what we're talking about.

02:27:27.000 Japanese and Germans.

02:27:28.000 That's where it's all coming from.

02:27:30.000 We started a riot inside the PlayStation Theater, by the way.

02:27:34.000 We are watching the PlayStation Theater.

02:27:36.000 There's a bunch of people in there, and they're watching the podcast in the theater.

02:27:39.000 That is nuts.

02:27:40.000 That is nuts, and it looks just like a movie.

02:27:42.000 Come over here and turn around real quick.

02:27:43.000 This is the strangest fucking shit ever.

02:27:45.000 Somebody took a screen capture of it.

02:27:47.000 And it's the PlayStation Home Theater number three.

02:27:50.000 You can watch this live, and there's just people sitting there, like Blue Ball Monkey and a couple other people.

02:27:55.000 That's so bizarre.

02:27:56.000 I love Sushi 30.

02:27:59.000 What a weird world we live in.

02:28:01.000 What gem you removed from the cultural experience?

02:28:03.000 There it is.

02:28:04.000 You don't even connect it to this.

02:28:06.000 But what's relevant about what we're talking about is that during that time in the world, it was a time of great political experimentation.

02:28:14.000 It was this notion that you could perfect a human being with an ideology.

02:28:19.000 You could perfect a human being with totalitarianism, control over the total person, and re-education, reprogramming of someone's mind.

02:28:27.000 And so treating a human being as though they were a noun.

02:28:29.000 There's a blueprint or something.

02:28:31.000 Human beings are obviously verbs, right? 0.83

02:28:33.000 Have you ever read War is a Racket?

02:28:35.000 War is a Racket by this guy from the, he retired from the Marine Corps.

02:28:35.000 No.

02:28:41.000 He was a major general and Major General Smedley D. Butler, war hero.

02:28:47.000 And after he retired in 1935, he wrote a book about how he had been misled and all of his different campaigns have really just been about protecting bankers, protecting oil money.

02:28:58.000 And he didn't really realize it until it was too late, until it was over.

02:29:00.000 It's a fucking fascinating read.

02:29:02.000 Because if you read it and you didn't know like who this guy was or the time period that he's talking about, you would assume that this is a guy who recently defected from the army.

02:29:12.000 You would assume that this is like some kind of shit, like, you know, some Gulf War guy who came over.

02:29:16.000 There's a lot of soldiers who've come over.

02:29:19.000 There's a bunch of different organizations where they have soldiers for peace and, you know, they talk about their horrific experiences and they talk about how bad war is and how war is unnecessary.

02:29:28.000 You know, Pat Tillman, after he volunteered, That was one of the reasons why his family suspected that he was actually killed.

02:29:33.000 As he was getting very, very vocal about how fucked up the war was and how he had gone over there with perfect intentions.

02:29:40.000 But once he got over there, he realized this is a disastrous cluster fuck of epic proportions.

02:29:45.000 Nobody knows what the fuck they're doing, and we shouldn't be here in the first place.

02:29:47.000 And everybody knows it.

02:29:49.000 This Medley Butler article is, he wrote a book, actually.

02:29:52.000 It's a fucking fascinating.

02:29:53.000 What was the year again on that?

02:29:54.000 1933, I believe.

02:29:57.000 Yeah, that's when he retired.

02:29:58.000 But that's the thing when you read history, you start to realize a lot of these, like you hear speeches like back in the 30s and 40s, and you go, man, that's just as relevant today as it would be back then.

02:30:08.000 But it's incredible that this guy had figured that 35 was when he wrote the book.

02:30:14.000 And he was talking about how the U.S. is engaging in military war games in the Pacific that are bound to provoke the Japanese.

02:30:20.000 He was talking about this in 1935.

02:30:22.000 They know what the fuck they're doing.

02:30:23.000 He wrote, war is a racket.

02:30:25.000 It's possibly the oldest, easily the most profitable, surely the most vicious.

02:30:25.000 It's always been.

02:30:30.000 It's the one of the only intentional in scope.

02:30:33.000 It is international in scope.

02:30:35.000 It is the only one in which the profits are reckoned in dollars and the losses in lives.

02:30:41.000 Dude, when you give myself, Brian, let me say one thing.

02:30:46.000 If anybody's listening, the history of war is the history of man.

02:30:50.000 Oh, yeah.

02:30:50.000 And that's its progress.

02:30:52.000 Yes, yes, but, but the way you avoid, the best way, it's not foolproof, but I believe the best way to try to avoid horrific things like World War II that killed millions of innocent Japanese, innocent Germans, innocent Americans,

02:31:08.000 so many people, so many innocent people, especially in Europe and especially, you know, but the way to avoid those horrific things is to have a political system in place that is transparent and gives people the power to make their own decisions.

02:31:23.000 Yeah, you know what that is?

02:31:24.000 The internet.

02:31:25.000 There you go.

02:31:26.000 That's the future.

02:31:27.000 The internet is the future government.

02:31:27.000 There you go.

02:31:31.000 They try to legislate it.

02:31:32.000 Yeah, that's why they're trying to shut it down. 0.77

02:31:33.000 That's why they're trying to fucking put enforcements out. 0.96

02:31:36.000 When they take down mega upload, what they're doing is testing the waters.

02:31:40.000 They're trying to figure out how much.

02:31:41.000 Don't give anybody too much power over you, whether they're American, whether they're Japanese, whether they're not going to be able to do it.

02:31:46.000 They're all going to behave the same way.

02:31:46.000 Absolutely.

02:31:48.000 The big lesson is that the people you're saying yes to today may not be the people you're saying less to 10 or 20 years from now.

02:31:54.000 That's right.

02:31:54.000 So you put a law in place now, some Dick Cheney, evil, cunt-faced douchebag is going to be in control in a couple of years, then you're fucked because that law's there.

02:32:02.000 And it goes back to what you were saying.

02:32:02.000 That's why this is the same thing.

02:32:04.000 See, your cynicism about people in power is very healthy.

02:32:08.000 So when you say, I don't put it past anybody, that's actually the right attitude.

02:32:11.000 Absolutely.

02:32:12.000 What is the attitude?

02:32:14.000 So it always goes back.

02:32:15.000 It goes back to history and evidence.

02:32:16.000 Exactly.

02:32:17.000 And it goes back to the question that you have to answer.

02:32:19.000 Who governs the governor? 0.81

02:32:21.000 Who governs the governor? 0.81

02:32:22.000 Who?

02:32:23.000 The people.

02:32:23.000 It's got to be.

02:32:25.000 The only thing that I defend is when people come up with these theories, it's always more complicated.

02:32:31.000 And I think that people try to make decisions.

02:32:32.000 Most people try to make decisions based on their national interest, based on ambition.

02:32:37.000 But I think there are a lot of factors that go into, for example, the Arabic.

02:32:40.000 What do you mean by most people making decisions?

02:32:43.000 Let's say the Iraq War. 0.74

02:32:44.000 The Iraq War was an election. 0.94

02:32:45.000 I think they do it to make money.

02:32:46.000 They think they're doing it all to make money.

02:32:49.000 But only the problem, the Army.

02:32:50.000 They're not doing any of that for the interest of the American people.

02:32:52.000 Well, can I say one thing?

02:32:53.000 But the architects of, say, the intellectual architects of the Iraq War, for example, Paul Wolfwood, Douglas Fleet, I think what drove them was hubris and ambition and the notion that they themselves could change the world and restructure the world.

02:33:08.000 Well, also they became a war corporation.

02:33:10.000 And one of the things about becoming a corporation is that you lose, there's a diffusion of responsibility.

02:33:14.000 You have a bunch of people moving towards the same goal.

02:33:16.000 And even if that goal is evil, it seems like it's going to be okay because it's not really you.

02:33:20.000 That's exactly right.

02:33:21.000 That's exactly right.

02:33:21.000 Yeah.

02:33:22.000 It's easier to rape someone in front of 100 people than it is in front of one person.

02:33:25.000 Exactly.

02:33:25.000 And ideas take on a mind of their own.

02:33:27.000 All of a sudden, it becomes a snowball.

02:33:28.000 And everybody's kind of, it's a confluence of sort of ideas, exactly what you said.

02:33:32.000 And all of a sudden, everybody's rolling toward this objective, and it's madness.

02:33:36.000 It's collective madness.

02:33:37.000 And it starts with the drum beats.

02:33:39.000 And that's really where that comes from.

02:33:40.000 That's right.

02:33:41.000 And the collective conflict.

02:33:43.000 But then it raises this question.

02:33:45.000 You do define yourself, and a nation defines itself in some ways on what it's willing to fight for, what it's willing to go to war for.

02:33:52.000 Right.

02:33:52.000 But when the nation's entire history is built on bullshit and murdering people for money, it's kind of hard to take that nation seriously.

02:33:59.000 So that nation says, we're standing up for the right thing now.

02:34:02.000 I know we fucked a lot of people over and killed millions in the name of oil and gas and minerals and whatever, but now we're America.

02:34:11.000 It's halftime America.

02:34:12.000 Yeah, but see, I'm less critical.

02:34:14.000 I'm less critical.

02:34:16.000 But I'm less critical of that.

02:34:17.000 I know.

02:34:17.000 Because what does that even mean?

02:34:17.000 Of course you are.

02:34:19.000 Your country is not the government.

02:34:20.000 That's what's crazy.

02:34:21.000 Your country is the people that you know and you love.

02:34:23.000 The ideals this country is founded upon is that this is America, land of the free, home of the brave.

02:34:28.000 Meanwhile, they're sucking liberties out of us like a vampire with a fucking straw.

02:34:33.000 That's why you got to vote for Ron Paul every day.

02:34:35.000 Yeah, you can try, but you know what?

02:34:36.000 They'll kill that old man.

02:34:38.000 You know, I love Ron Paul.

02:34:39.000 I already have.

02:34:41.000 I wore a Ron Paul shirt on the Tonight Show and sat next to him.

02:34:45.000 Hey, ideas take a while.

02:34:47.000 Ideas take a while, but let me tell you something.

02:34:48.000 Ron Paul four years ago would not have gotten the percentage of support he got.

02:34:52.000 No, you're right.

02:34:54.000 They're still shutting him down.

02:34:56.000 The big news corporations are still just giving Michelle Bachman attention and make a big deal about the fact that Rick Perry resigned. 0.95

02:35:04.000 Rick Perry is now going to support Mick Romney.

02:35:06.000 Oh, who gives a fuck?

02:35:09.000 What is the guy at the gas station going to support?

02:35:11.000 Interview him because he's just as likely to be a leader as Rick fucking Perry, that dunce.

02:35:15.000 That's why I'm voting for Roseanne Barr, 2000. 0.99

02:35:17.000 It's not a bad idea.

02:35:18.000 There you go.

02:35:18.000 I'd vote for Roseanne.

02:35:19.000 I love Roseanne.

02:35:20.000 I'll vote for her.

02:35:20.000 A crazy bitch.

02:35:21.000 You'll run chick proper. 1.00

02:35:22.000 That's right.

02:35:23.000 You should put everybody in check.

02:35:24.000 We should have a woman in power. 1.00

02:35:25.000 We should share some power with women. 1.00

02:35:27.000 Aunt Wrong. 0.98

02:35:28.000 Mental cramps.

02:35:28.000 What are you a fucking man?

02:35:30.000 Fucking communists.

02:35:32.000 Menopause.

02:35:33.000 What are you talking about?

02:35:34.000 Plus the fact that it's not normal for women to be running shit. 1.00

02:35:37.000 You obviously didn't see the irony.

02:35:39.000 The only time women run things correctly is when it's some crazy banana republic in the middle of nowhere and you get some crazy bitch who knows how to shoot people. 1.00

02:35:47.000 She takes over for a short time and they make a movie about it after she's dead.

02:35:51.000 That's when it works right.

02:35:52.000 Talking about Eva Road?

02:35:53.000 Yeah.

02:35:54.000 You know, like, who was Margaret Thatcher?

02:35:57.000 She really let Margaret Thatcher run. 1.00

02:35:59.000 Margaret Thatcher.

02:36:00.000 Margaret Thatcher's no joke.

02:36:01.000 Margaret Thatcher, get out of here. 1.00

02:36:02.000 Margaret Thatcher is a son.

02:36:03.000 She did run shit. 1.00

02:36:04.000 She was a male George Bush.

02:36:06.000 Damn right.

02:36:07.000 No.

02:36:07.000 A female George Bush.

02:36:09.000 She was smart than George Bush.

02:36:10.000 She was a fucking figurehead. 1.00

02:36:11.000 Watch her.

02:36:11.000 She had a bunch of evil fucks behind her working the strings, a bunch of bankers.

02:36:15.000 Watch her debates in Parliament.

02:36:17.000 She gave as good as she got. 0.99

02:36:18.000 She was bad as she was.

02:36:19.000 She did.

02:36:19.000 So was Hillary Clinton.

02:36:21.000 Hillary Clinton could debate her assistant. 1.00

02:36:22.000 Not even close.

02:36:23.000 Not even close.

02:36:23.000 Margaret Thatcher, the Iron Lady?

02:36:25.000 Oh, my God.

02:36:26.000 Do you know Meryl Streep made a movie about her?

02:36:28.000 Damn right.

02:36:29.000 They sent me one of those things in the mail.

02:36:31.000 Like one of those sag things.

02:36:33.000 I looked at him like this.

02:36:35.000 Like, just imagine wasting my time watching this fucking stupid thing about somebody else.

02:36:41.000 I made a movie date night with my girlfriend.

02:36:44.000 Just curl up on my couch and wear that.

02:36:46.000 I will watch that little streep do anything.

02:36:50.000 That woman is a n-share. 1.00

02:36:52.000 That woman is an artist of the highest level, the greatest actor I've ever seen.

02:37:00.000 Male or female, on stage or off.

02:37:02.000 Okay, what are you talking about?

02:37:03.000 She's not better than Gary Oldman.

02:37:05.000 Shut the fuck up. 1.00

02:37:06.000 Gary Oldman in Dracula, shut your mouth, ball.

02:37:09.000 Gary Oldman in Dracula.

02:37:11.000 Shut your fucking mouth.

02:37:14.000 It's not even close, man.

02:37:16.000 Get out of here, man.

02:37:18.000 Oh, shit.

02:37:18.000 One of the greatest performances in human history.

02:37:20.000 Fantastic.

02:37:21.000 He's playing a silly thing.

02:37:22.000 He's playing a vampire, and yet it's awesome.

02:37:24.000 It's awesome.

02:37:25.000 He's a one-shot wonder.

02:37:26.000 What are you talking about?

02:37:28.000 He's a one-shot woman. 1.00

02:37:29.000 Who was the Christian Slater movie, the Quentin Furtito Family?

02:37:32.000 True Romance?

02:37:33.000 True Romance.

02:37:34.000 Are you fucking kidding me?

02:37:36.000 Barry Oldman.

02:37:37.000 He's sick.

02:37:38.000 What do you mean you give me that one?

02:37:39.000 Meryl Streep is in the Bridges of Madison County, you fuck. 1.00

02:37:42.000 How dare you?

02:37:43.000 Yeah, and Balrick.

02:37:43.000 So beautiful.

02:37:45.000 Oh, my God.

02:37:46.000 It's a relationship that they can't really get together.

02:37:49.000 They love each other for your talking about me.

02:37:52.000 Chris Maguire, my friend, is a hilarious comedian, has a great bit about that.

02:37:56.000 He's back in the days where they used to rent it.

02:37:59.000 And he goes, you know, you're picking the movies out with your girl.

02:38:01.000 Oh, how about Bridges in Madison County?

02:38:02.000 He goes, oh, okay.

02:38:04.000 Eastward's in it.

02:38:05.000 Clint would never fuck me.

02:38:05.000 Clint's in it.

02:38:07.000 And he goes, I'm watching the movie.

02:38:09.000 He goes, 10 minutes into it, he goes, hey, Clint doesn't have a gun.

02:38:14.000 I did.

02:38:15.000 Exactly what I did.

02:38:16.000 He goes, 20 minutes later, Clint's crying.

02:38:20.000 And he goes, oh, Clint, you fucked me.

02:38:22.000 He goes, he's crying because he doesn't have a gun.

02:38:26.000 So funny.

02:38:26.000 The fucking great bit, man.

02:38:28.000 That's a great bit.

02:38:29.000 That's totally true.

02:38:30.000 Who was that guy?

02:38:32.000 Chris Maguire.

02:38:33.000 You know who else?

02:38:34.000 He's going to do the podcast soon.

02:38:35.000 You know I fucking love, though, Danielle Day-Lewis.

02:38:35.000 I got a question.

02:38:37.000 Oh, he's another one.

02:38:38.000 He's another one.

02:38:39.000 Meryl Streep can't suck his balls. 1.00

02:38:41.000 Don't touch Meryl Streep.

02:38:42.000 She is in a hole.

02:38:43.000 You're out of another.

02:38:44.000 Oh, you're out of your mind.

02:38:46.000 I drink your milkshake.

02:38:48.000 Did you see how he played the boxer?

02:38:50.000 Did you see that movie where he played that oxygen?

02:38:51.000 He was really boxer?

02:38:52.000 Fuck.

02:38:53.000 He was in there for a whole year.

02:38:53.000 Yeah, he was.

02:38:55.000 That's all he did every day is box.

02:38:57.000 He was the only guy ever to look like a real boxer.

02:39:01.000 If you watch like Marky Mark in that fighter movie, he looks like a guy who's never been punched in the face.

02:39:05.000 He looks like a guy, or maybe he got punched in the face a few decades ago and forgot what it's like.

02:39:09.000 Because every time he's throwing a punch, no one's coming at him.

02:39:11.000 No one's coming back with counters.

02:39:13.000 He's throwing punches and there's like this lazy mentality to it.

02:39:16.000 It's not like a guy.

02:39:17.000 If you watch Dickie Eklund, go back and watch Mickey Ward's brother Dickie Eklund.

02:39:22.000 When that guy used to fight, he was a crazy dude.

02:39:24.000 He did a lot of crack.

02:39:25.000 He had a lot of problems.

02:39:27.000 But his fucking guard was high and tight.

02:39:29.000 And he threw a right hand, his left hand was here.

02:39:32.000 If he threw a left hand, his right hand was here.

02:39:34.000 He was a guy who'd been punched in the face before.

02:39:36.000 He was a real fucking boxer.

02:39:38.000 And that's the difference.

02:39:39.000 When you watch a lot of actors, they're throwing punches, they look like a guy who's never been punched in the face.

02:39:44.000 That guy didn't.

02:39:46.000 Daniel Day-Lewis looked like a real fucking boxer.

02:39:48.000 Looked like a real fucking boxer.

02:39:50.000 He boxed.

02:39:50.000 He got in the ring and actually.

02:39:51.000 Sylvester Stallone looks like the farthest possible thing from a real boxer in Rocky.

02:39:56.000 It doesn't even look remotely like a real boxer.

02:39:58.000 I know.

02:39:59.000 I think it's a metaphor.

02:40:00.000 I think the entire fight was a metaphor.

02:40:04.000 I never took it literally.

02:40:06.000 You were on California last week.

02:40:08.000 I was on California last week.

02:40:09.000 I was in the first episode.

02:40:10.000 I didn't watch it.

02:40:11.000 I was on the first episode.

02:40:12.000 I didn't watch it.

02:40:13.000 I will brook no opposition to Merle Streep.

02:40:16.000 She is a mess of concussions, man. 1.00

02:40:18.000 I'm telling you.

02:40:19.000 If you had three less concussions, you did a lot of estrogen.

02:40:21.000 What am I saying?

02:40:22.000 A lot of estrogen running through his body.

02:40:24.000 You did a lot of edamame.

02:40:27.000 Daddy.

02:40:28.000 Dude, dude.

02:40:29.000 What was California like?

02:40:31.000 I had a great time.

02:40:33.000 Did you work with David Dakota?

02:40:35.000 I torture him.

02:40:35.000 Oh, yeah.

02:40:36.000 I'm a cop.

02:40:37.000 I'm a dick to him the whole time.

02:40:38.000 But knowing him and knowing what a freak he is, did you start talking to me about Pussy? 1.00

02:40:42.000 Well, I don't want to say anything out of turn, but we did have a talk about it.

02:40:45.000 And he's a really good guy, really funny guy, and he was really cool.

02:40:45.000 And we did.

02:40:49.000 And he never gets beyond this.

02:40:53.000 He's always, you know, talks about this side.

02:40:55.000 He's like, man, I don't know.

02:40:56.000 Yeah, it was great on the X-Files.

02:40:57.000 Everything else.

02:40:58.000 I love California.

02:40:59.000 Give him a fucking shot of California.

02:41:00.000 I haven't seen this.

02:41:01.000 I love the show, but I like the guy.

02:41:03.000 He's no Meryl Streep.

02:41:05.000 Him?

02:41:05.000 Oh, by the way, you know who I got along with really well?

02:41:08.000 Reza, the guy from Wu-Tang Clan?

02:41:10.000 He's a fucking great guy.

02:41:12.000 Oh, dude, he's a great.

02:41:12.000 Oh, yeah?

02:41:13.000 We were laughing.

02:41:14.000 He's just a great guy.

02:41:15.000 You know, he's like a bad, he's like a rapper, Wu-Tang, you know.

02:41:18.000 He's the fucking, he's the nicest guy.

02:41:21.000 He loves it.

02:41:22.000 He loves to laugh and just talk and telling me great fucking stories about how he went to Africa and they tried to rip him off.

02:41:28.000 He had these fucking story after story, man.

02:41:31.000 You have kids?

02:41:31.000 I go to him.

02:41:32.000 He goes, he goes, storytelling.

02:41:34.000 He goes, you have kids?

02:41:36.000 He goes, I got, I got.

02:41:38.000 And he just, he fans his fingers out like across a horizon.

02:41:41.000 He goes, he goes, man, I lived that lifestyle.

02:41:44.000 I was hip-hop.

02:41:45.000 Like, he has too many kids.

02:41:46.000 He couldn't put his finger out.

02:41:47.000 He could sweat enough.

02:41:48.000 You have kids.

02:41:48.000 He goes, as someone who really loves being around their kids, that would depress the shit out of me.

02:41:55.000 If I had a bunch of kids that I wasn't, I don't know what his situation is, but I know there's a lot of dudes hard, man.

02:42:00.000 He grew up with that aren't raising their kids.

02:42:02.000 That would drive me crazy, man.

02:42:04.000 If there was a bunch of human beings that I gave birth to or was responsible for their creation on this planet and I never got to see them and they were just like existing.

02:42:12.000 He does because he was talking about his kids in a very, very like family.

02:42:16.000 He's there for his kids.

02:42:17.000 I'm sure.

02:42:17.000 Well, you know, what was that one basketball player who's famous?

02:42:20.000 He had 24 babies.

02:42:21.000 Oh, Sean Kemp.

02:42:22.000 Sean Kemp.

02:42:23.000 How many babies did he have?

02:42:24.000 He had nine kids from nine different women.

02:42:27.000 How about that, right?

02:42:28.000 Do you have any scenes with Natasha, David DeCovani's wife or ex-wife or whatever you have?

02:42:32.000 No, no, but there is a Tia Leone's on that show?

02:42:35.000 No, let me say that.

02:42:38.000 There's an African-American woman. 1.00

02:42:39.000 Oh, it's fake.

02:42:40.000 Yeah, it's fake husband.

02:42:41.000 There is an African-American woman at that table raid, who's on that show, who is truly like one of the best-looking women I've ever seen. 0.99

02:42:49.000 Megan Good?

02:42:50.000 Yeah.

02:42:50.000 Oh, my God.

02:42:51.000 She's so amazing.

02:42:52.000 Bro, I kept looking at her.

02:42:53.000 I was like, you're the best-looking thing.

02:42:56.000 I was going to do something inappropriate, like flip out.

02:42:58.000 I was like, what the fuck is this?

02:43:00.000 How the fuck are you that good looking?

02:43:01.000 She's so pretty.

02:43:03.000 She's so ridiculously pretty. 0.99

02:43:05.000 I was like, like sultry, like a creature.

02:43:09.000 Like, she's like black, white.

02:43:10.000 She's probably got like 15 different nationalities. 0.96

02:43:12.000 I was like, what the fuck is this?

02:43:14.000 Like Rosario Dawson type.

02:43:15.000 Better.

02:43:16.000 Better.

02:43:18.000 Wait a minute.

02:43:18.000 What's this chick's name?

02:43:20.000 What's her name?

02:43:21.000 What's her name?

02:43:21.000 Megan Good.

02:43:22.000 And she's in the new Dungeons and Dragons movie, so she's going to become like a black Megan Fox then. 0.99

02:43:27.000 So buy your stock on her.

02:43:29.000 Oh, my God.

02:43:29.000 I'm looking at her right now.

02:43:30.000 Jesus Christ.

02:43:31.000 Oh, she's so ridiculous. 1.00

02:43:32.000 Not even exaggerating.

02:43:33.000 But she's not as hot as Rodario Dawson.

02:43:33.000 No, no, no.

02:43:35.000 I'm sorry.

02:43:36.000 She is.

02:43:37.000 I've seen both in person plenty of times.

02:43:37.000 She's hot.

02:43:40.000 She's pretty hot. 1.00

02:43:41.000 But whatever.

02:43:41.000 She kills her.

02:43:43.000 She's hot, but you're exaggerating.

02:43:44.000 No, you're out of here.

02:43:45.000 Let me see if those pictures do her, Justin.

02:43:45.000 Hold on.

02:43:47.000 She's got kind of a weird chin.

02:43:47.000 Hold on.

02:43:48.000 Probably can't take a punch.

02:43:48.000 Hold on.

02:43:49.000 Hold on, hold on.

02:43:50.000 Nice.

02:43:50.000 Hold on.

02:43:51.000 You probably can't take a punch.

02:43:52.000 Look at her.

02:43:53.000 She's beautiful.

02:43:53.000 Look at her.

02:43:54.000 She's beautiful.

02:43:55.000 But Rosario Dawson's hotter. 1.00

02:43:57.000 Sorry.

02:43:57.000 I worked with Rosario.

02:43:59.000 She's gorgeous.

02:44:00.000 I did Zookeeper with her.

02:44:00.000 Yeah, I did too.

02:44:02.000 She's beautiful.

02:44:03.000 She is beautiful.

02:44:04.000 Thank you.

02:44:04.000 Yeah.

02:44:05.000 And cool.

02:44:05.000 And she's no Meryl Streep.

02:44:08.000 Now, here, look at this.

02:44:09.000 Come on, Brian.

02:44:10.000 Shut the fuck up, dude. 0.98

02:44:13.000 You're a silly man.

02:44:14.000 That's why people have a hard time taking you seriously.

02:44:16.000 Look at these two back-to-back.

02:44:17.000 Rosario Dawson's about 10 times hot.

02:44:20.000 Oh, a million times better.

02:44:21.000 She's ridiculously hot, Brian. 0.98

02:44:22.000 You're out of your fucking mind.

02:44:25.000 Your judgment sucks.

02:44:26.000 You're fucking wrong.

02:44:28.000 How dare you?

02:44:29.000 Can we talk more about share now?

02:44:32.000 Listen, buddy, you've got your own podcast to worry about now.

02:44:34.000 And it's the Brian Cowan show, and it's available on desktop.

02:44:37.000 And you can get it free on iTunes, and it's amazing.

02:44:40.000 And usually it's not like today where everybody's just talking over each other, but we took a chance today with a lot of people in a room.

02:44:45.000 When you get four people in a room, shit gets crazy.

02:44:47.000 Rosario Dawson, by the way, one of the hottest humans. 0.91

02:44:49.000 One of the hottest chicks ever.

02:44:51.000 Get her on the podcast so I can kiss her. 1.00

02:44:52.000 She's awesome. 0.83

02:44:53.000 She would totally do it, too.

02:44:54.000 She's super cool.

02:44:54.000 kiss me.

02:44:55.000 She's really like But I think she's free.

02:44:58.000 I think she's single.

02:44:59.000 But I don't think she's into man boys, so you're fucked.

02:45:01.000 I could act tough.

02:45:05.000 I got a gun.

02:45:06.000 I don't think she's into that either.

02:45:09.000 I just don't think it's you.

02:45:10.000 I can act up like the guy from Drive, which is just don't talk.

02:45:14.000 Yeah, just go.

02:45:15.000 You want a toothpick?

02:45:16.000 Yeah.

02:45:17.000 Who gives a toothpick to a little kid? 0.68

02:45:19.000 Come on.

02:45:20.000 Who choose on toothpicks? 0.96

02:45:21.000 The dude in Drive.

02:45:22.000 It was a choice by some director who doesn't know anybody cool.

02:45:25.000 Yeah.

02:45:26.000 It was like a music video.

02:45:27.000 Yeah, a little bit.

02:45:28.000 Hipster music video.

02:45:29.000 Yeah, it was like a long music video.

02:45:31.000 But that was the other thing.

02:45:31.000 Yeah.

02:45:33.000 The songs were terrible.

02:45:35.000 A real human being.

02:45:37.000 Like, what was that song?

02:45:39.000 First song.

02:45:39.000 That's the only song.

02:45:40.000 The song in the movie Drive.

02:45:42.000 Oh, fuck.

02:45:43.000 Oh, it was awful.

02:45:44.000 It was a letdown.

02:45:45.000 I can't wait to see this movie now.

02:45:46.000 And by the way, I'm sorry.

02:45:47.000 I got to go bad on another movie.

02:45:48.000 I'm sorry.

02:45:49.000 I saw it.

02:45:50.000 Come over here and look at Rosario Dawson and then shut the girlfriend. 1.00

02:45:52.000 I've seen her.

02:45:53.000 I live in the same name.

02:45:54.000 Come in.

02:45:54.000 Come here.

02:45:55.000 We live on the same street.

02:45:55.000 Come here.

02:45:56.000 Come in.

02:45:56.000 Really?

02:45:57.000 Come here.

02:45:57.000 We live on our street.

02:45:59.000 Shut the fuck up. 1.00

02:46:00.000 Don't tell people where Rosario Dawson lives.

02:46:01.000 See that?

02:46:02.000 Do you see that?

02:46:03.000 Okay.

02:46:03.000 She's gorgeous.

02:46:04.000 Yeah.

02:46:04.000 You ready?

02:46:05.000 Now look at that.

02:46:06.000 No fucking comparison.

02:46:08.000 Go sit down, bitch. 1.00

02:46:09.000 Go sit down.

02:46:10.000 Go sit down.

02:46:11.000 You don't know what the fuck you're talking about.

02:46:12.000 My girlfriend.

02:46:12.000 Don't ever talk to me.

02:46:13.000 Don't ever talk to me about Margaret again.

02:46:14.000 Don't ever talk to me about my girlfriend.

02:46:16.000 She's beautiful.

02:46:16.000 Don't get me wrong.

02:46:17.000 Don't get me wrong.

02:46:18.000 She's beautiful.

02:46:19.000 She's a 10.

02:46:20.000 Rosario DeSawson is a 10.1.

02:46:23.000 It's another level.

02:46:23.000 You're getting her 0.1.

02:46:24.000 Yeah, she's a ridiculous 10. 1.00

02:46:26.000 She's a 10 where you look at it and just go, wow, does that even happen?

02:46:30.000 Yeah, she's gorgeous. 1.00

02:46:31.000 The other girl's a 10.

02:46:32.000 Don't get me wrong.

02:46:33.000 I mean, she comes see me, she heard the podcast, she gets pissed at me. 0.52

02:46:36.000 Baby, you're beautiful.

02:46:37.000 You hear something weird for me as I get older, as I get older?

02:46:40.000 Like, I used to not always, I've dated a couple black girls when I was younger, but I was never as attracted.

02:46:45.000 Now, now as I'm older, I just find them, I get more and more attractive.

02:46:49.000 It's the Robert De Niro effect.

02:46:50.000 I don't know what it is.

02:46:51.000 A lot of dudes are so gorgeous.

02:46:51.000 I love them.

02:46:52.000 Bill Mar.

02:46:53.000 They just only bang black chips. 0.82

02:46:53.000 They get older. 0.82

02:46:55.000 You should change what you're into.

02:46:55.000 Oh, God.

02:46:57.000 I love them.

02:46:58.000 I love them.

02:46:58.000 Plus, you recognize.

02:47:01.000 Filipino girls, black girls. 0.99

02:47:03.000 Oh, talk to them.

02:47:04.000 And Latin girls.

02:47:05.000 Oh, God.

02:47:06.000 And then white girls look like they need naps. 1.00

02:47:08.000 That's exactly right.

02:47:10.000 I think maybe it's I want to diversify my jeans or something.

02:47:12.000 That's exactly what it is.

02:47:13.000 Seriously, like, I want some black jeans and some.

02:47:16.000 I have a friend who has a girlfriend who is completely blonde, and she has blonde eyelashes, and it creeps me the fuck out. 1.00

02:47:23.000 And she always wears fake eyelashes, and she puts mascara on a fake eyelashes to hold down and changes the way her face looks. 1.00

02:47:30.000 But I came over the house once, and she had nothing on, and I was like, it's like my jeans, my jeans made me go, who is this?

02:47:40.000 Like, this is not, I'm not getting the same reaction from this person.

02:47:44.000 There was a reaction that I got from the girl with the dark eyes that was like, wow, she's so pretty. 0.97

02:47:48.000 She's so nice.

02:47:49.000 But this one is like, ooh, what's going on with you?

02:47:51.000 Caterpillar.

02:47:52.000 What happened?

02:47:52.000 Bad jeans.

02:47:53.000 Same thing happened to me.

02:47:54.000 You were dating a girl.

02:47:55.000 I met a girl who's so fucking hot.

02:47:57.000 She had the craziest ass. 1.00

02:47:59.000 And she had these dark eyes.

02:48:00.000 And I realized, oh, that's mascara.

02:48:02.000 And she had blonde eyebrows. 0.99

02:48:03.000 And I went, I mean, blonde eyelashes.

02:48:05.000 And it just killed it.

02:48:06.000 I don't know what happened.

02:48:08.000 She didn't even look close to us.

02:48:09.000 It's weird.

02:48:09.000 Pretty.

02:48:10.000 I was like, oh, I'm not attracted anymore.

02:48:11.000 That's weird.

02:48:12.000 It was way too crazy.

02:48:12.000 Instantly.

02:48:13.000 It kills the effect.

02:48:14.000 It kills the effect.

02:48:14.000 Her tits were so nice, they looked fake and they were real.

02:48:16.000 I remember, I'll never forget this girl.

02:48:17.000 I think her name is Cheryl in New York. 0.96

02:48:19.000 I had sex with her like, you know how a cowboy crosses the desert and jumps into a trough of water after he hasn't had water for three days?

02:48:26.000 That's what I would do to her pussy. 1.00

02:48:27.000 But only when she had her dark eyelashes.

02:48:30.000 Then all of a sudden I see her.

02:48:31.000 I saw her walking down the street with no makeup and I went, huh?

02:48:34.000 That's so hot.

02:48:37.000 But here's the thing with me.

02:48:38.000 When a dark-haired girl with dark eyelashes and dark, I like them better with no makeup. 0.72

02:48:43.000 So do I. So do I. I have to tell my wife to not wear makeup. 1.00

02:48:43.000 I really like that. 1.00

02:48:47.000 I tell her.

02:48:48.000 Oh my gosh.

02:48:48.000 I don't want you wearing that shit.

02:48:50.000 Don't wear anything.

02:48:50.000 I never like makeup.

02:48:51.000 Don't wear nothing.

02:48:52.000 You're hot as fuck.

02:48:53.000 But they look at people in magazines and things and think, and I had to break this down to her.

02:48:59.000 I go, listen, this is not hotter.

02:49:01.000 It's just different.

02:49:02.000 This is not hotter.

02:49:03.000 But you think it's hotter because it's in magazines.

02:49:06.000 She wants to preen. 0.86

02:49:07.000 She instinctive preen.

02:49:08.000 Well, if you ever dated a girl that wanted to be too skinny, which drives me fucking crazy.

02:49:13.000 I don't like skinny.

02:49:14.000 I like girls that are, I like a little softness. 0.76

02:49:14.000 Me neither. 0.76

02:49:16.000 I like a little fat.

02:49:17.000 Round.

02:49:18.000 Yes.

02:49:18.000 But an athletic, but more to it.

02:49:20.000 Athletic, but more than less.

02:49:23.000 I like a girl that's like five pounds overweight. 1.00

02:49:25.000 No problem.

02:49:25.000 Maybe ten.

02:49:26.000 Yeah, no problem.

02:49:27.000 Well at all.

02:49:28.000 Especially if they have a small, small, as long as they have a small waist and it goes in the ass. 0.99

02:49:31.000 Oh, God.

02:49:32.000 No kind of chips.

02:49:32.000 Oh, come on.

02:49:33.000 Fixed thighs. 0.74

02:49:34.000 When you're touching them, they're soft.

02:49:36.000 Fantastic.

02:49:36.000 It feels good.

02:49:37.000 You and I have the same.

02:49:38.000 Yeah, we've always had it.

02:49:38.000 We've always had it.

02:49:39.000 Actually, you and I, too.

02:49:40.000 Men!

02:49:41.000 The only ones who don't are the ones making these crazy dresses and having these skinny bitches walking. 1.00

02:49:46.000 Because they're attracted to coat hangers.

02:49:48.000 Fucking coat hangers, boys.

02:49:48.000 They're attracted to the boys.

02:49:50.000 They're attracted to the boys.

02:49:51.000 They don't want it to be a woman. 1.00

02:49:52.000 They're designing dresses for freaks. 0.98

02:49:54.000 Yeah.

02:49:54.000 Exactly.

02:49:55.000 So you got this like long, bony chick when I'm like, dude, I like.

02:49:58.000 Someone tried to tell me, like, supermodels, man.

02:50:00.000 So you date the supermodel.

02:50:02.000 That's the last thing you want to date.

02:50:03.000 That's exactly right.

02:50:04.000 I want the 5'3 ⁇ , power-packed freak Latina. 1.00

02:50:07.000 Latina chick who can't get enough dicks. 1.00

02:50:07.000 Oh! 1.00

02:50:09.000 I was in Miami.

02:50:10.000 I was like, what the fuck is this?

02:50:12.000 I can't take it.

02:50:13.000 I can't take it.

02:50:13.000 It's bad.

02:50:14.000 Those Cubans, that jeans, the Cuban jeans are amazing.

02:50:16.000 And by the way, Filipino girls, when they're pretty, we got to wrap this up or otherwise it's going to blow up. 1.00

02:50:23.000 Let me just say one.

02:50:23.000 One minute.

02:50:25.000 Can I just say that I'll be at the Punchline in San Francisco February 22nd to the 26th?

02:50:31.000 Boom! 0.99

02:50:31.000 Shellock, Lak. 0.99

02:50:32.000 Have you done that club?

02:50:33.000 Love that club.

02:50:33.000 Yes.

02:50:34.000 That club's amazing.

02:50:35.000 Punchline in San Francisco is beautiful.

02:50:37.000 I've never done that.

02:50:37.000 I'm pumped.

02:50:38.000 It's amazing.

02:50:39.000 And by the way, with your podcast now, it'll fucking sell out. 0.81

02:50:41.000 Dude, it's been crazy.

02:50:42.000 Thank you, Joe Roger.

02:50:43.000 What is the date of that?

02:50:44.000 February 22nd.

02:50:45.000 Folks, jump on that. 0.98

02:50:46.000 Jump on that shit right now.

02:50:47.000 Go to the Punchline's website, Google it, find it, because it will sell out.

02:50:50.000 I guarantee you.

02:50:51.000 That room is not that many people, and you're going to sell out everywhere now.

02:50:54.000 I sold out in Canada.

02:50:55.000 Yeah, you're going to sell out everywhere.

02:50:55.000 It was crazy.

02:50:56.000 You're going to sell out everywhere.

02:50:57.000 Thanks to Joe Rogue.

02:50:58.000 Thanks to Joe Rogers.

02:50:59.000 I fancy you.

02:51:00.000 No, listen, man.

02:51:07.000 Nobody's going to go to a Hamilton Morris lecture after he came on our podcast.

02:51:11.000 Unfortunately, he's a great guy.

02:51:12.000 We got him too hot.

02:51:12.000 He's a great.

02:51:13.000 We got him too hot.

02:51:14.000 We all got too hot.

02:51:14.000 We had this psychedelic guy on.

02:51:16.000 I really enjoy him.

02:51:17.000 I enjoy his internet stuff.

02:51:18.000 But we went way too deep.

02:51:20.000 Way too deep.

02:51:21.000 We had this super cripple weed, too. 1.00

02:51:23.000 It wasn't like the usual stuff that I smoked.

02:51:25.000 It was indica as opposed to sativa.

02:51:27.000 So it was couch weed, and we went nine hits deep.

02:51:30.000 How do you function, dude?

02:51:32.000 Good question.

02:51:33.000 But this stuff, the onion barely got high.

02:51:36.000 Giant bongfuls and barely.

02:51:38.000 Barely.

02:51:39.000 Tolerance.

02:51:41.000 I barely got high.

02:51:42.000 Everybody who came to the House of Blues this weekend, thank you very much.

02:51:45.000 That was a fucking amazing crowd.

02:51:47.000 I had a great time.

02:51:48.000 And even the fuck, we had, Joey and I had a little bit of apprehension because there was a lot of standing.

02:51:52.000 We always do the Mandalay Bay Theater, which is about 1800, but unfortunately, they're redoing it for some Michael Jackson show, so we had to do the House of Blues.

02:52:00.000 So in order to accommodate all the people, we had to have a lot of people standing, and people were cool as fuck.

02:52:05.000 And I was really impressed by that because we've done it before, and there were a lot of heckling, a lot of talking.

02:52:10.000 We said, fuck all these standing shows.

02:52:12.000 We'll never do it again.

02:52:13.000 But even though I'm sure it was uncomfortable for some of you people, it was still a great, great fucking show.

02:52:18.000 The crowd was insane.

02:52:20.000 And a lot of that is because of the podcast.

02:52:22.000 It's a different, I have different audiences everywhere now.

02:52:24.000 It's a completely different audience than I had two years ago.

02:52:24.000 It's amazing.

02:52:27.000 Do you feel a lot of pressure?

02:52:29.000 That's funny because what happens when you have that kind of a following is you have to keep coming up with material.

02:52:33.000 Like a lot of guys will ride the same material for 10 years.

02:52:35.000 Well, that's why we were talking about your friend earlier that may be a thief.

02:52:38.000 You got to write.

02:52:39.000 You got to sit in front of your goddamn computer and write.

02:52:41.000 And I do it every fucking day.

02:52:42.000 There's one thing I do every day if I'm not injured.

02:52:45.000 I work out, okay, because I don't want to be crazy.

02:52:47.000 I beat off because I don't want to make mistakes.

02:52:50.000 And I write.

02:52:51.000 Those are three things that I do.

02:52:52.000 Location, location, location.

02:52:54.000 Keep the monkey in the cage. 0.99

02:52:56.000 Keep the monkey in the cage and keep the car on the track.

02:52:58.000 You got to do it.

02:52:59.000 You got to do it.

02:53:00.000 You are just as intense as when we first met years ago, but there's a, it's a weird dichotomy.

02:53:11.000 You're just as intense, but you're also a very sensitive guy.

02:53:16.000 I've always been very sensitive.

02:53:17.000 I cry easy.

02:53:18.000 I'm very, very emotional.

02:53:20.000 But those emotionals, it's like energy.

02:53:24.000 Yes.

02:53:25.000 Yeah, well, people look at energy and they look at, you know, I cry in movie theaters all the time, man.

02:53:29.000 I'm always crying.

02:53:30.000 I cry.

02:53:30.000 A good commercial make me cry.

02:53:31.000 So do I. But that's also that's how my emotion can come out of me and I can fucking explode in some crazy fucking burst of energy.

02:53:41.000 It's of a rare fluctuation.

02:53:43.000 It's exactly.

02:53:43.000 It's my girlfriend's Sicilian.

02:53:44.000 I've seen it.

02:53:45.000 You got to learn how to control it.

02:53:46.000 It's a nation of savages.

02:53:48.000 You know, you heard the story from True Romance about the Moors.

02:53:50.000 It's all true.

02:53:51.000 But apart from that, what else is left?

02:53:53.000 The goddamn Romans.

02:53:55.000 That's the rest of the Italian genes.

02:53:57.000 Jesus, it's fucking savages.

02:53:58.000 Constant wars.

02:53:59.000 I've had pit bulls, so have you.

02:53:59.000 It's like pit bulls.

02:54:00.000 You know what that's like.

02:54:01.000 It's genetics.

02:54:02.000 It's the savagery.

02:54:03.000 You got to control it.

02:54:04.000 You got to control it.

02:54:04.000 You got to control the biology.

02:54:05.000 Keep it together.

02:54:06.000 Keep it together, bitches. 1.00

02:54:08.000 This Thursday, we got Jason Sowa, who's a very, very interesting dude.

02:54:12.000 And this should be a really fucking fascinating podcast because he's got a bunch of cool shit online, a bunch of different videos online.

02:54:22.000 And one of them is how drugs created the internet.

02:54:25.000 There was a TED video.

02:54:26.000 I think it was a TED video.

02:54:28.000 A bunch of really fucking fascinating videos.

02:54:30.000 But someone sent it to me.

02:54:31.000 And my friend, I'll give the guy's name, Brian Hofstein.

02:54:34.000 Thanks, Brian.

02:54:35.000 Some guy on Twitter.

02:54:35.000 I'm for hooking this up.

02:54:37.000 And I watched this guy's video, and I was like, holy shit, this guy's perfect.

02:54:40.000 So he's going to be on Thursday.

02:54:42.000 I'm super excited about that.

02:54:43.000 So that's it for this week.

02:54:46.000 Otherwise, I got a lot of other things I got going on.

02:54:48.000 Oh, the next date I got coming up, March 2nd and 3rd and 4th at the Bre Improv.

02:54:54.000 I don't know if the tickets are available yet, but it'll be the usual suspects.

02:54:58.000 And when are we doing the Ice House gang?

02:55:00.000 Definitely doing it Friday.

02:55:02.000 This week.

02:55:03.000 But we might have a second show.

02:55:04.000 We might add.

02:55:05.000 Yeah, who's on the other room?

02:55:07.000 We'll figure it out.

02:55:07.000 Yeah, we'll figure it out.

02:55:08.000 But this Friday, plan, if you're around.

02:55:12.000 I think Al Magical is going to stop by Serteana.

02:55:15.000 Is he back?

02:55:16.000 I love Al Magical.

02:55:16.000 Did he move to New York?

02:55:17.000 Yeah, he's living in New York right now.

02:55:18.000 He's just back in.

02:55:20.000 Yeah, he's living both.

02:55:21.000 He works for the Daily Show now.

02:55:23.000 He's a reporter.

02:55:23.000 Oh, nice.

02:55:24.000 He's got a good idea.

02:55:25.000 I love that guy.

02:55:26.000 He's good.

02:55:26.000 Al Magical is a special guy.

02:55:27.000 Very good guy.

02:55:28.000 He's awesome.

02:55:29.000 And he also thinks your friend's a thief.

02:55:29.000 All right.

02:55:31.000 We'll be right back.

02:55:32.000 Thanks for everything.

02:55:34.000 No.

02:55:35.000 Thanks for everything, everybody.

02:55:36.000 Thanks to the fleshlights for sponsoring.

02:55:38.000 Go to joerogan.net, click on the link for the flashlight, enter in the code name Rogan, and you will get 15% off the number one sex toy for men.

02:55:44.000 Watch the Brian Callen show on Death Squad on iTunes.

02:55:48.000 And please, please, all due respect to all the Japanese people out there.

02:55:51.000 I didn't mean that we should drop nuclear bombs on it.

02:55:53.000 He got a little crazy.

02:55:53.000 He got crazy.

02:55:54.000 He gets a little fox news on it.

02:55:55.000 No, no, no.

02:55:56.000 I was just talking about 1945 and the government of Japan.

02:55:59.000 That's all I was talking about.

02:56:00.000 Not Japanese people. 1.00

02:56:01.000 And they're great people.

02:56:04.000 His background is a little sketchy.

02:56:05.000 He gets a little Fox News on folks.

02:56:07.000 Get a little crazy.

02:56:08.000 Thanks to Onit.com, O-N-N-I-T, makers of Alpha Brain, Shroom Tech Sport, Shroom Tech Immune, and New Mood.

02:56:14.000 Google New Tropics if you're interested.

02:56:16.000 That's two O's, New Tropics.

02:56:18.000 And go to onit.com, enter in the codename Rogan, and you will save 10% off.

02:56:23.000 Or don't.

02:56:23.000 I don't give a fuck, dude.

02:56:24.000 Do whatever you want to do with your life.

02:56:26.000 You don't want to beat off into a rubber vagina. 1.00

02:56:27.000 That's fine with me.

02:56:29.000 I just don't want to hear you complain about it on Twitter.

02:56:30.000 Is that okay?

02:56:31.000 Keep your negativity to yourself.

02:56:33.000 If you're thinking about sending me a negative tweet, this is what I want you to do.

02:56:35.000 Go run around the block, okay?

02:56:37.000 Go run around the block, then beat off, and then I bet you'll be different.

02:56:40.000 Get some perspective.

02:56:41.000 You are not how you behave, okay?

02:56:44.000 You are not who you've been.

02:56:45.000 You're not your past history.

02:56:47.000 You are right now the accumulation of your experiences on this planet and what you've learned.

02:56:51.000 Act in accordingly.

02:56:53.000 Don't go by the same fucking patterns.

02:56:55.000 Prepare your future.

02:56:57.000 All right, that's it.

02:56:58.000 I'm inspired, baby.

02:56:59.000 Well said.

02:56:59.000 You dirty bitches.

02:57:00.000 Jimmy Burke, ladies and gentlemen, pitch in and get this man a fucking cell phone. 0.83

02:57:04.000 Get him a computer.

The Joe Rogan Experience - February 07, 2012

Joe Rogan Experience #182 - Bryan Callen, Jimmy Burke

Episode Stats

Summary

Transcript