The Joe Rogan Experience - February 14, 2012


Joe Rogan Experience #185 - Tom Segura

Topics
rappers killing each other cat eyes in Michael Jackson's thriller video genetically modified foods grass-fed meat giant garbage dump compound in Catalina 420 show Colorado and comedy
Hosted by
Joe Rogan
Guests
Tom Segura
Mentioned
Brian Redman Steve Tell Pat Pat Barack Obama Tom Segura Clint Eastwood Brett Butler Alex Jones Kevin Costner Steven Seagal Mike Starr Gary Busey Grace Under Fire Michael Jackson Whitney Houston Mickey Rourke Ronald Reagan Jesus Christ Eddie Bravo Mitt Romney and 94 more
Joe Rogan Experience #184 - DEADMAU5, Russell Peters, Eddie Bravo Joe Rogan Experience #186 - Ari Shaffir

Episode Stats


Length

1 hour and 46 minutes

Words per minute

210.68

Word count

22,388

Sentence count

2,933

Harmful content

Misogyny

109

sentences flagged

Toxicity

943

sentences flagged

Hate speech

79

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode, we talk about the early days of gangster rap, Jerry Curl, and the new Nipsey Hussle album. We also talk about what it was like growing up in the 80s and 90s, and what it's like to be a black person in the 90s and early 2000s. We also get into the crazy hairstyles that were popular at the time, and how black people can get away with anything, including fake hair and fake tits. We end the episode with some questions and comments from the audience, and we hope you enjoy this episode. If you like what you hear, please HIT SUBSCRIBE and leave us a rating and review on Apple Podcasts and we'll read them out next week. Thank you so much for listening, we really appreciate it. Love ya, bye. -T.J. & AJ -P.S. We're back next week with a new episode. Stay tuned for the new episode next Tuesday! xoxo -Jon & Jon Jon & AJ. Jon and AJ -Jon . Tom Shane Evan Jake Tim Joe Mike Chad Paul John Matt Chris Ben Bobby Michael Chelsie James Daniel Will Jack Brian David Johnny Sam Can you make it to the next episode? can you do it? Will it be better than the next week? Can it be worse than the last one? ? Is it better than this one or not? can we have a better than that's better? or will it be the best one than the one that's going to be the next one that s better than it's better than last week than the first one we've ever had? We'll find out next Tuesday? , can it be more than the other one than that one that does it like that? and we're going to make it better then that's not gonna be better, right?? and the one we'll talk about that one we can do it than that s gonna be the one like that & so on the one with the one in the other? & we'll see you know that s going to do it

Transcript

Transcripts from "The Joe Rogan Experience" are sourced from the Knowledge Fight Interactive Search Tool. Explore them interactively here.
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
Topics generated with Qwen2.5-3B-Instruct.
Hosts, guests, and mentioned names generated with spaCy (en_core_web_sm), reconciled against Wikidata.
00:00:03.000 Tell me when we're up.
00:00:05.000 We're up.
00:00:06.000 I gotta post it on Twitter.
00:00:08.000 So Tom, I went to the doctor.
00:00:10.000 What were we talking about before we stopped?
00:00:11.000 We were talking about rappers killing each other.
00:00:13.000 Yeah.
00:00:14.000 I don't want to stop this subject real quick. 0.80
00:00:16.000 Because when that happened, in the 90s, when they started fucking shooting each other and coming out with gangster rap, there had never been anything like that. 0.97
00:00:24.000 Could you imagine if the Beach Boys, they fucking hated Elvis, they wanted to shoot him. 1.00
00:00:29.000 Fuck you, man. 1.00
00:00:30.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:00:30.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:00:31.000 Taking off bitches? 1.00
00:00:32.000 And it was the first time where guys were ever able to brag about everything. 1.00
00:00:36.000 About their money, about their sexual conquest.
00:00:40.000 It's like they'd never been, you know, like Eddie Bravo was talking about that song the other day, She Swallowed It.
00:00:45.000 It's not a good song.
00:00:46.000 She swallowed it.
00:00:47.000 I mean, I don't like it.
00:00:48.000 You know, it's okay.
00:00:50.000 MC Ren had a decent verse on that.
00:00:52.000 Yes, MC Ren.
00:00:53.000 MC Ren was amazing.
00:00:55.000 What happened to that guy?
00:00:56.000 I have no idea.
00:00:57.000 Is he?
00:00:57.000 Yeah, I think they're working on the new N.W.A. movie right now.
00:01:00.000 A movie?
00:01:01.000 Yeah, they're redoing the whole N.W.A. movie and using family members.
00:01:05.000 Who's going to play AIDS? Have they cast that yet?
00:01:11.000 Have they cast that part?
00:01:13.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:01:13.000 Oh, Tommy with the fucking zinger. 1.00
00:01:16.000 Who's going to play AIDS? Oh, shit. 1.00
00:01:18.000 No, you didn't. 1.00
00:01:21.000 That's fucking incredible. 0.99
00:01:25.000 Jesus Christ. 0.99
00:01:26.000 He's like, give me that perm that he had. 1.00
00:01:27.000 I can nail this shit. 0.99
00:01:29.000 Do you think Jerry Curl will ever come back? 1.00
00:01:30.000 I hope not.
00:01:31.000 It's too much work, man.
00:01:33.000 He was like a poster child for the Jerry Curl.
00:01:39.000 Yeah. 0.98
00:01:39.000 Ice Cube had a really fucking nice jerry curl. 0.98
00:01:41.000 It was good. 0.99
00:01:42.000 If you're going to get a jerry curl, that's how you should take that picture into your salon and say, make me look like this. 1.00
00:01:47.000 Was it Chris Rock's movie?
00:01:50.000 What was the movie?
00:01:50.000 CB4. CB4, where they sprayed jerry curl juice in their hair all the time.
00:01:54.000 What was jerry curl juice?
00:01:56.000 Was it just oil?
00:01:57.000 It was oil.
00:01:58.000 What was that?
00:01:58.000 Coming to America?
00:02:00.000 What was that?
00:02:01.000 Soul Glow, man.
00:02:01.000 Soul Glow.
00:02:02.000 Remember?
00:02:02.000 Make my soul glow.
00:02:05.000 And it would get up off the chair and there was like a stain on it.
00:02:07.000 Yeah.
00:02:09.000 Well, that's gotta be true, right?
00:02:11.000 How did that ever become popular?
00:02:13.000 Look at hairstyles, man.
00:02:14.000 Hairstyles are insane.
00:02:16.000 But that's one of the weirdest ones ever. 1.00
00:02:17.000 You gotta put all that shit in your hair and make it greasy and drippy? 1.00
00:02:20.000 What the fuck? 1.00
00:02:21.000 It ruins your clothes? 1.00
00:02:21.000 Black people had the afro. 1.00
00:02:22.000 That was like a statement.
00:02:24.000 Yeah.
00:02:25.000 Right?
00:02:25.000 Then remember Fades?
00:02:28.000 And High Top Fades?
00:02:29.000 They can get away with anything.
00:02:31.000 I remember when I was a kid.
00:02:32.000 Even black girls, they have straight hair. 1.00
00:02:34.000 They have white girls' hair. 1.00
00:02:35.000 And you're like, how'd you get that? 1.00
00:02:35.000 Shut up. 1.00
00:02:36.000 Oh yeah, yeah. 1.00
00:02:37.000 Black dudes can't pull that off. 1.00
00:02:38.000 You know what I was really jealous of in middle school and high school? 0.99
00:02:41.000 Was when black guys had designs in their hair. 1.00
00:02:45.000 They had lines and shit would be written out. 1.00
00:02:49.000 Lightning bolts and shit. 0.99
00:02:50.000 Yeah, and I'd be like, I want to do that. 1.00
00:02:51.000 And they're like, you will look like a fucking asshole. 1.00
00:02:53.000 There's a fighter who is a black guy from some K-1 guy. 1.00
00:02:58.000 But he carves designs, like tribal designs in his hair before he fights.
00:03:03.000 It looks badass.
00:03:04.000 That's the thing, you get away with it. 0.62
00:03:06.000 But do you think a black guy can get away with wearing, like, a white guy's hair like a black girl does? 1.00
00:03:10.000 No. 0.91
00:03:10.000 Oh, no. 0.91
00:03:11.000 No.
00:03:12.000 No, that's hilarious.
00:03:13.000 Imagine if black dudes, if that was the next thing, they all started having Bon Jovi hair. 1.00
00:03:18.000 Yeah, oh, no.
00:03:19.000 They just all had Bon Jovi hair weaves.
00:03:21.000 Or what if it was just, like, parted?
00:03:22.000 Like, what if they just parted it like a good boy?
00:03:25.000 Yeah, like Ted Haggard.
00:03:27.000 Yeah.
00:03:28.000 Just were, like, cool about it.
00:03:29.000 You'd be like, what's going on?
00:03:31.000 Yeah.
00:03:32.000 Yeah, that would be so strange.
00:03:34.000 Isn't it strange, though, what becomes popular and not popular?
00:03:39.000 Girls are allowed to have... 1.00
00:03:40.000 Everything can be fake. 1.00
00:03:42.000 You can have fake tits. 1.00
00:03:43.000 You can have fake hair. 1.00
00:03:44.000 Nobody gives a shit. 0.99
00:03:45.000 As long as you look good, good. 0.99
00:03:47.000 Okay, let's go.
00:03:48.000 No guy is really...
00:03:50.000 Well, I mean, guys are.
00:03:51.000 Don't get me wrong.
00:03:52.000 But it's acceptable for you to be pretty inauthentic.
00:03:55.000 We are held to such a lower standard.
00:03:58.000 Another thing that we get, for most guys, if you shower, you bathe regularly, and you basically change clothes, that's considered to take care of yourself.
00:04:11.000 You don't have to wear makeup.
00:04:12.000 You don't do anything.
00:04:12.000 Could you imagine, though, if you found out a dude was wearing blue contacts?
00:04:16.000 Yeah. 0.99
00:04:16.000 Girls would be like, what the fuck is wrong with this guy? 0.99
00:04:18.000 I almost bought some fake contacts the other day just because I was that stoned, but it wasn't blue. 0.99
00:04:25.000 There's ones where you can get cat eyes, you can get completely black, and I just want to have a pair for no reason at all.
00:04:31.000 Do you remember Michael Jackson's Thriller when he had those?
00:04:33.000 Oh yeah, the cat eyes.
00:04:34.000 Yeah, the cat eyes.
00:04:35.000 Dude, they have those, and I guess they're pretty cheap.
00:04:38.000 They were like $89, and he just...
00:04:39.000 Put him in your eye.
00:04:40.000 Oh, that's right.
00:04:40.000 Wasn't that like the end of the movie?
00:04:42.000 He looks up and he's got the cat ass. 0.99
00:04:43.000 Thriller, yeah. 0.99
00:04:44.000 Yeah, he turns back and then the... 0.99
00:04:46.000 That was a fucking... 0.99
00:04:48.000 What a great music video that was. 1.00
00:04:51.000 That was amazing.
00:04:52.000 That was an actual event.
00:04:53.000 That was like a world news event.
00:04:55.000 Oh, yeah.
00:04:55.000 I remember that.
00:04:56.000 Yeah, it was huge.
00:04:58.000 That's when we had far less channels, too.
00:04:59.000 I can't imagine what the numbers were on just that video.
00:05:02.000 They must have been astronomical. 0.99
00:05:04.000 Yeah, they must have been through the fucking roof. 0.99
00:05:05.000 I think it's 13 minutes and that was like... 0.99
00:05:07.000 That was so cool.
00:05:08.000 For me, it was a werewolf, so I was even more excited.
00:05:14.000 And a cool one.
00:05:15.000 That was Rick Baker that did that, I believe.
00:05:17.000 I believe it was the same guy that did American Werewolf in London. 0.99
00:05:20.000 He did a lot of the Star Wars shit. 0.99
00:05:22.000 The coordinated dancing. 1.00
00:05:24.000 All the dancing was cool as shit. 0.99
00:05:25.000 What was the message behind that? 1.00
00:05:27.000 What a weird fucking video and movie. 0.99
00:05:29.000 I remember people were saying it was satanic. 1.00
00:05:31.000 I remember that.
00:05:32.000 There was a bunch of protests about it.
00:05:33.000 Oh, yeah.
00:05:34.000 We were upset. 0.99
00:05:35.000 What a fucking fascinating guy. 0.99
00:05:36.000 Which is the best thing ever when you get controversy like that. 0.99
00:05:39.000 When someone says, this might be satanic. 0.99
00:05:41.000 That was when they were like, guys, fucking yes. 0.98
00:05:44.000 Michael Jackson and Whitney Houston are probably the two most talented people that died and everybody saw it coming. 0.98
00:05:51.000 Yeah.
00:05:52.000 You know what I'm saying?
00:05:52.000 We talk about really uniquely talented people that everybody's like, man, how long is this going to last?
00:05:58.000 How long can you...
00:05:59.000 Do you remember the Bobby Brown show?
00:06:02.000 Being Bobby Brown?
00:06:03.000 Yeah.
00:06:04.000 When they were on the show screaming and yelling at each other?
00:06:06.000 Oh my god.
00:06:06.000 I remember when they talked, they were at a dinner.
00:06:09.000 Fucked up. 1.00
00:06:09.000 They were fucked up on the show. 1.00
00:06:10.000 Fucked up. 1.00
00:06:11.000 Not like buzzing, like fucking wrecked. 1.00
00:06:13.000 Screaming at each other! 0.99
00:06:14.000 And they were at a hotel and they had ordered like a feast.
00:06:18.000 And I mean, it was crazy how much food was on this table. 0.98
00:06:22.000 And they were both just fucking completely out of their minds. 0.99
00:06:26.000 Abliterated. 0.99
00:06:27.000 And laughing. 1.00
00:06:28.000 And then I forget who said, remember when I was taking that shit and you had to come over and help me pull it out my ass? 1.00
00:06:34.000 And it was like, yeah, yeah. 1.00
00:06:36.000 I think it was that he was saying that one time she had a shit stuck inside of her. 0.99
00:06:41.000 And he reached up in there and he's like, I pulled that dookie out. 1.00
00:06:43.000 And she's like, I gotta take a dump right now.
00:06:45.000 I'm gonna drop it on the one.
00:06:46.000 Like, that was the scene you were like, I'm gonna drop it on the one?
00:06:49.000 Yes, dude, yes.
00:06:50.000 Isn't that funny?
00:06:52.000 How will I know?
00:06:53.000 How will I know? 1.00
00:06:59.000 Come pull the shit out of my ass. 1.00
00:07:01.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:07:01.000 Remember when I was taking a dump? 1.00
00:07:03.000 You put your hand in my ass? 1.00
00:07:05.000 Do you remember when they interviewed her? 1.00
00:07:07.000 There was an interview where the guy was trying to get to what the fuck was up. 0.98
00:07:12.000 And he's like, is it cocaine? 0.99
00:07:13.000 Is it alcohol?
00:07:15.000 And she's like, at times.
00:07:18.000 At times.
00:07:19.000 At times, all of them.
00:07:21.000 Like, at times, all of them.
00:07:22.000 And he's like, you know, have you ever smoked crack?
00:07:24.000 And she's like, crack is whack!
00:07:26.000 She said, crack is whack! 1.00
00:07:27.000 I think that was to Diane Sawyer that she said that.
00:07:30.000 And he also said, it's rumored that you spent $750,000 one year on drugs.
00:07:36.000 And she said, I wish!
00:07:40.000 She said, I wish!
00:07:43.000 I'd still be on that ship right now.
00:07:45.000 Are you kidding me?
00:07:46.000 That would be a good year.
00:07:49.000 It was the strangest interview, man, to listen to a person who, you know, when you grew up, you know, the bodyguard.
00:07:58.000 Remember her with Kevin Costner?
00:07:59.000 She was such a talent.
00:08:02.000 Such a talent.
00:08:03.000 Such a superstar.
00:08:05.000 Oh, amazing.
00:08:05.000 If you watch, like, How Will I Know?
00:08:07.000 Yeah.
00:08:07.000 Like, the video, I mean, you see, she's so beautiful.
00:08:10.000 Have you ever heard when they isolate her lyrics?
00:08:13.000 No.
00:08:14.000 Dude.
00:08:15.000 See, I don't know if you can play that.
00:08:17.000 Do you think we can play that?
00:08:18.000 Probably not.
00:08:19.000 Not at all?
00:08:20.000 Probably not.
00:08:20.000 Not like giving a little sample of it or something?
00:08:23.000 I don't know.
00:08:23.000 Let's try.
00:08:24.000 Her range, the range in her voice. 0.99
00:08:26.000 It's just ridiculous.
00:08:27.000 It's really stunning to listen to.
00:08:29.000 It's just, look up How Will I Know Whitney Houston isolated lyrics.
00:08:33.000 Love it.
00:08:34.000 Use two hands, you freak.
00:08:36.000 Type with one hand. 1.00
00:08:37.000 I don't know what the fuck you're doing. 1.00
00:08:40.000 Shit's taking forever. 1.00
00:08:41.000 You're just a bunch of chicken scratch on that screen. 1.00
00:08:46.000 Brian's going to confuse the fuck out of people. 0.99
00:08:48.000 Is there a way to take that video off your Ustream and put it on mine?
00:08:53.000 I don't know.
00:08:54.000 I could find out, but definitely do it on Vimeo, yeah.
00:08:58.000 People are mad at you, Brian.
00:09:00.000 This is another O'Brien moment.
00:09:02.000 They get excited. 1.00
00:09:03.000 People like it when you fuck up. 1.00
00:09:04.000 Do you notice that? 1.00
00:09:05.000 Yeah.
00:09:06.000 They love it.
00:09:07.000 What is that about?
00:09:09.000 Makes it seem more real.
00:09:11.000 It's not edited and it's raw.
00:09:13.000 Yeah, people like a little conflict. 0.99
00:09:15.000 There's a dude who just sent me 19 tell Brian to shut the fuck up in a row. 0.98
00:09:21.000 Okay, that guy's blocked. 1.00
00:09:22.000 Oh, shit, kid. 1.00
00:09:24.000 Silly bitch. 1.00
00:09:25.000 It didn't come up. 1.00
00:09:26.000 Wait, here's one.
00:09:28.000 It's a strange thing to listen to, man.
00:09:30.000 You can give me a million years with all the coaches in the world.
00:09:34.000 They listen to that. 1.00
00:09:35.000 Yeah, listen to this shit. 1.00
00:09:38.000 He's the one I dream of. 1.00
00:09:42.000 Looks into my eyes.
00:09:46.000 Takes me to the clouds above.
00:09:50.000 Oh, I lose control. 0.97
00:09:54.000 Can't seem to God damn, she was good. 0.99
00:09:58.000 Yeah. 0.99
00:09:59.000 She was. 1.00
00:10:00.000 Fuck. 1.00
00:10:02.000 That's just a once-in-a-lifetime voice, man. 1.00
00:10:04.000 That's just a perfect voice.
00:10:06.000 Yeah.
00:10:07.000 She had the perfect voice.
00:10:08.000 That bodyguard days? 1.00
00:10:10.000 She was hot as fuck. 1.00
00:10:11.000 Hot as fuck. 1.00
00:10:12.000 That was the first time ever there was a hot girl that a hot man was falling in love with. 1.00
00:10:17.000 You know? 0.59
00:10:18.000 That she's black.
00:10:19.000 And they did a major movie about it.
00:10:21.000 Have they ever done that before?
00:10:22.000 Where the hot black girl and the man get together? 1.00
00:10:26.000 Nobody even complained. 0.83
00:10:28.000 Now that's not the main storyline.
00:10:30.000 That would have to be the storyline. 0.98
00:10:32.000 She was such a fucking gigantic star as a singer that they were like, let's sing a movie with you. 0.99
00:10:38.000 Who cares? 0.99
00:10:39.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:10:40.000 Just fucking, we'll roll the camera. 1.00
00:10:41.000 Say whatever you want. 1.00
00:10:42.000 Yeah.
00:10:42.000 We'll tie it all together.
00:10:43.000 You're working with Kevin Costner.
00:10:45.000 He'll carry you along.
00:10:45.000 She can act, too.
00:10:46.000 Acting is easy as fuck, man. 1.00
00:10:48.000 Acting ain't shit. 1.00
00:10:49.000 I mean, there's high-level acting, obviously, that none of us can do. 0.98
00:10:52.000 But the regular acting, like the bodyguard, yeah, you can do that.
00:10:55.000 Anybody can do that.
00:10:55.000 Anybody can do that.
00:10:56.000 Anybody can do that hard, man.
00:10:56.000 What'd you say?
00:10:57.000 Yeah.
00:10:59.000 Yeah.
00:11:00.000 My buddy Mike Starr was in that movie, too.
00:11:02.000 He got beat up by Kevin Costner.
00:11:03.000 Oh, really?
00:11:03.000 Yeah, my buddy Mike Starr, we did a TV show a long time ago called...
00:11:07.000 Hardballed together. 1.00
00:11:08.000 It was that stupid baseball show. 1.00
00:11:09.000 It was a terrible show. 1.00
00:11:11.000 I made a bunch of good friends.
00:11:13.000 Mike Starr was one of them.
00:11:14.000 He got beat up in a bunch of movies.
00:11:16.000 He got beat up in a Steven Seagal movie.
00:11:18.000 Got real mad at Steven Seagal.
00:11:20.000 Steven Seagal was hitting him really hard.
00:11:22.000 Really?
00:11:22.000 Yeah.
00:11:23.000 He wound up actually having to put a chest protector on.
00:11:26.000 Because the guy was not really supposed to hit him.
00:11:28.000 It was supposed to fake hit him. 1.00
00:11:30.000 It's for a fucking movie. 1.00
00:11:31.000 Steven Seagal would just light his chest up. 1.00
00:11:34.000 Boom! 0.99
00:11:35.000 Wham! 1.00
00:11:35.000 Hit him with that fucking wing chung punch in the middle of his chest. 1.00
00:11:38.000 He can't say shit to Steve really either. 1.00
00:11:39.000 He just does it, man. 0.99
00:11:40.000 He's known for doing that. 0.99
00:11:43.000 He's trying to make a fucking badass movie. 0.99
00:11:45.000 Right. 0.99
00:11:45.000 And unfortunately, when you try to make a badass movie, sometimes you've got to sacrifice. 0.99
00:11:49.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:11:50.000 I'm going to kick you in the chest right now, man. 1.00
00:11:52.000 Get a fucking stomp dudes on occasion. 1.00
00:11:53.000 I mean, that was his attitude. 1.00
00:11:55.000 Welcome to hell.
00:11:55.000 I don't know.
00:11:56.000 He probably had a line after he kicked the shit out of Steve, which made it so much worse. 0.99
00:12:00.000 Like, you get kicked and then he's like... 0.99
00:12:02.000 That's what time it is. 0.99
00:12:04.000 Turns around or some shit. 0.99
00:12:07.000 That's what time it is. 1.00
00:12:08.000 You're like, motherfucker. 1.00
00:12:09.000 How did that happen? 1.00
00:12:10.000 Like the guy that was in the movie that always has the witty one-liner after he kicks you in the balls. 0.99
00:12:14.000 I don't know, man. 0.98
00:12:15.000 I think that became huge through Clint Eastwood.
00:12:19.000 I think he'd be the guy.
00:12:20.000 You know what I mean? 0.99
00:12:22.000 Where the badass thing happens and then you go in close, you push in on the badass face and he's like, ask your mother what she thinks or whatever the fuck he says. 0.53
00:12:31.000 The Clint Eastwood Every Which Way But Loose movies were the first time that they really combined action and comedy together with a dude who wasn't a comedy guy.
00:12:40.000 Right.
00:12:40.000 But it worked.
00:12:41.000 It works, man.
00:12:42.000 It works if you play it real.
00:12:44.000 That's why.
00:12:44.000 Philo Beto.
00:12:45.000 It didn't try to be funny. 1.00
00:12:46.000 Fucking Clint Eastwood. 0.99
00:12:47.000 Dude, come on, man. 0.99
00:12:48.000 Every Which Way But Loose was awesome.
00:12:49.000 And that was back when Clint Eastwood was stuck with that one chick.
00:12:52.000 What was her name?
00:12:52.000 Sandra Locke?
00:12:54.000 I remember.
00:12:54.000 He did a million movies with this freak.
00:12:56.000 Yeah.
00:12:57.000 I guess, you know, that was just his girl.
00:12:59.000 And they did a bunch of movies together. 1.00
00:13:00.000 But as soon as they broke up, man, shit got ugly. 1.00
00:13:03.000 Really? 1.00
00:13:03.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:13:04.000 He got her, like, some development deal to get her to fuck away from him. 1.00
00:13:06.000 And, you know, she accused him of blocking every one of her projects. 0.99
00:13:10.000 Nobody wanted to do anything with her. 1.00
00:13:12.000 I wouldn't fuck with Clint, man. 1.00
00:13:13.000 She was suing the shit out of him. 1.00
00:13:14.000 It was just gross, man. 0.99
00:13:16.000 It was just...
00:13:16.000 When people, like, divorce and they do it publicly like that...
00:13:21.000 You lose so much respect for the more vocal member of the two.
00:13:25.000 And that was one of the things with her. 1.00
00:13:27.000 I automatically assumed, well, this bitch is crazy. 1.00
00:13:29.000 Look at her go. 1.00
00:13:30.000 And she never really worked again.
00:13:32.000 Sandra Locke disappeared.
00:13:33.000 She was in a ton of movies with Clint Eastwood.
00:13:36.000 But that was about it.
00:13:37.000 After that, she thought it was because he blackballed her.
00:13:40.000 But I think a lot of it was probably because people thought she was gross. 1.00
00:13:43.000 Like, ew, what are you doing to Clint?
00:13:45.000 Yeah, everybody.
00:13:46.000 Clint Eastwood, man. 1.00
00:13:47.000 You can't fuck over... 1.00
00:13:49.000 That's movie royalty. 1.00
00:13:50.000 Good, the bad, and the ugly.
00:13:51.000 Come on, leave him alone, you know?
00:13:53.000 What'd you do?
00:13:54.000 Can you imagine the stories that he has?
00:13:55.000 Yeah.
00:13:56.000 Oh, my God.
00:13:56.000 Oh, man.
00:13:57.000 Do you remember the one where he played the old racist...
00:14:00.000 What was that?
00:14:00.000 Was it the...
00:14:01.000 No, I know what you mean.
00:14:03.000 The car you're talking about?
00:14:03.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:14:04.000 What was it?
00:14:06.000 Continental.
00:14:07.000 Old man on the couch?
00:14:07.000 Mustang.
00:14:08.000 It was real recently.
00:14:10.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:14:10.000 The porch man.
00:14:11.000 Yeah, and they live next door to like a...
00:14:13.000 El Torino?
00:14:13.000 I think that was it.
00:14:14.000 Yeah.
00:14:15.000 They live next door to like a Hmong family or something, right? 1.00
00:14:17.000 So there's all these like...
00:14:19.000 And he's like, it's an old time. 1.00
00:14:20.000 He's like, get your yellow ass off my lawn. 1.00
00:14:22.000 Like all this crazy shit. 1.00
00:14:24.000 And they asked him about like political correctness and he was like, I don't know what this shit's all about. 1.00
00:14:28.000 He was like, back in my day... 0.99
00:14:30.000 We would shoot a movie, and if the grip was from China, he was the Chinaman. 0.99
00:14:35.000 And that's just who you are.
00:14:37.000 And we would just laugh about it.
00:14:40.000 We could tell jokes to people about their race, and people wouldn't freak out. 1.00
00:14:44.000 Because people were giving them a lot of shit. 1.00
00:14:46.000 Right. 1.00
00:14:46.000 Yeah, people are super sensitive. 1.00
00:14:48.000 You're not even supposed to joke around about things.
00:14:49.000 Unless you are of a nationality that's a minor. 0.99
00:14:54.000 Or rather a...
00:14:55.000 What's the word I'm looking for?
00:14:57.000 Uh...
00:14:57.000 Not minor.
00:14:59.000 Like a minority? 0.96
00:15:00.000 Minority. 0.51
00:15:00.000 Yeah, or if you're ethnic. 0.51
00:15:02.000 I'm a minor.
00:15:02.000 I'm thinking of a minority and I just stop at minor.
00:15:05.000 That's how tired I am. 0.61
00:15:06.000 I think that for a lot of people, they give minorities like, you know, black people can make fun of white people all day long. 0.96
00:15:13.000 But you're walking a fine line when you make fun of black people. 0.95
00:15:16.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:15:16.000 I've seen you do some great black jokes, and I see people go, oh shit! 1.00
00:15:21.000 I see people that clench up and go, oh shit! 1.00
00:15:26.000 Because people worry. 1.00
00:15:27.000 People worry when a white guy makes fun of black people. 0.99
00:15:30.000 But black people can make fun of white people. 1.00
00:15:33.000 I've seen white people laugh at the lamest shit. 1.00
00:15:36.000 It's like a guilty laugh. 1.00
00:15:38.000 Yeah!
00:15:39.000 It's this weird...
00:15:40.000 They do that fake white guy voice.
00:15:43.000 It's like a rip-off of the Richard Pryor white guy voice.
00:15:45.000 Yeah.
00:15:45.000 Richard Pryor was like, it was a really unique thing we'd say.
00:15:48.000 It was. 1.00
00:15:48.000 You know, he'd say, you know, you can't fuck with white people. 1.00
00:15:50.000 You'd be like, hey man, your mama. 1.00
00:15:52.000 My mom's a great old gal. 0.93
00:15:54.000 You know, and he developed that sort of white guy voice and everybody sort of stole it.
00:15:58.000 They stole it and a lot of versions of it are terrible.
00:16:00.000 Yeah, it's kind of like, come on man, white guys don't talk like that.
00:16:04.000 That's not how they talk. 0.92
00:16:05.000 Yeah, and a lot of them give horrible examples.
00:16:06.000 Yeah.
00:16:07.000 You're like, that's not a thing. 0.92
00:16:08.000 It's silly. 0.96
00:16:09.000 I mean, you can tell white people. 0.99
00:16:10.000 You can tell white people.
00:16:11.000 Yeah.
00:16:11.000 It's weird.
00:16:12.000 It's a weird gimme.
00:16:14.000 So for a lot of black guys, especially when they're first starting out in stand-up, that's the first thing they go to.
00:16:20.000 Yeah.
00:16:20.000 And isn't that one of those things that you see and you go, oh, he's going there?
00:16:23.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:16:24.000 Oh, of course.
00:16:25.000 Unless you see it done supremely well.
00:16:27.000 Yeah.
00:16:28.000 There has to be a super good example for you to be pulling.
00:16:31.000 Yeah.
00:16:32.000 And if the observation is really astute and you're like, that's some insight.
00:16:36.000 Yeah.
00:16:37.000 Yeah, dude.
00:16:38.000 You're picking apart something new or you're doing a version of it that I haven't heard, but everything else has been done, you know?
00:16:45.000 Will there always be minorities? 1.00
00:16:46.000 Do you think there's ever going to be a point where we're all just gray, like a mocha? 0.65
00:16:51.000 I think it would take that gross yellow-brown color.
00:16:53.000 That's happening.
00:16:55.000 Race is becoming really more mixed across the board.
00:16:58.000 You think so?
00:16:59.000 Oh, definitely.
00:16:59.000 Why are people attracted to blonde girls, then?
00:17:03.000 But we talked about this.
00:17:04.000 You know what?
00:17:05.000 What I'm not attracted to is blonde eyelashes and blonde eyebrows.
00:17:07.000 I'm not attracted to blonde girls. 1.00
00:17:09.000 I'm attracted to blonde girls that do shit with their eyelashes and their eyebrows. 1.00
00:17:12.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00
00:17:13.000 Yeah, I don't like blonde. 1.00
00:17:14.000 I like blondes the most, man. 1.00
00:17:16.000 Isn't that funny, though?
00:17:18.000 That's a weird...
00:17:18.000 Or girls who don't do that.
00:17:19.000 Like, girls who have naturally brown eyebrows. 0.87
00:17:21.000 Yeah, that's where they usually are.
00:17:23.000 I gravitate towards blonde. 1.00
00:17:23.000 A lot of them don't, man. 1.00
00:17:24.000 Really?
00:17:25.000 You know what I don't like at all, though, is bleached.
00:17:29.000 Oh, yeah.
00:17:29.000 It's got to be like a natural...
00:17:32.000 I like all kinds of blonde. 1.00
00:17:34.000 I think a lot of times when you take a girl that's like brown hair or some weird color of brown, you make her blonde, she's always hotter. 0.99
00:17:40.000 You know, she's like nice bleached blonde. 1.00
00:17:43.000 You know what's really freaking me out, man? 1.00
00:17:44.000 The amount of people that are putting shit in their face. 1.00
00:17:47.000 The amount of people that are putting fillers in their face. 1.00
00:17:49.000 Yeah, like the implants.
00:17:50.000 It's becoming...
00:17:51.000 Well, they're not even cheek implants.
00:17:53.000 That's what I thought they were, too.
00:17:54.000 I thought they were...
00:17:55.000 Remember when Mickey Rourke did that? 1.00
00:17:56.000 Mickey Rourke lost his fucking marbles. 0.99
00:17:58.000 Remember that? 1.00
00:17:59.000 Yeah.
00:17:59.000 It was like in the 90s, I guess.
00:18:00.000 He had cheek implants.
00:18:02.000 Did he get implants?
00:18:03.000 Yes, he did.
00:18:03.000 Then he got him removed.
00:18:05.000 No, he had chick implants and he looked bizarre.
00:18:08.000 Yeah, bizarre now.
00:18:09.000 I think what happened was that's when he was boxing. 0.99
00:18:11.000 And when he had a pretty intense segment of his life where he just boxed and he boxed professionally, he got his fucking brains rattled, dude. 0.99
00:18:22.000 Oh, he looks like it too. 0.98
00:18:23.000 Yeah, and I think that changed him as a person.
00:18:25.000 You know, I think it made him, you know, this wacky eccentric.
00:18:29.000 Like, remember Gary Busey?
00:18:31.000 He was a regular dude, crashes his motorcycle, becomes this wacky eccentric.
00:18:35.000 Totally crazy.
00:18:36.000 Yeah, he used to be this really brilliant actor, really talented actor, like Mr. Joshua.
00:18:41.000 Remember that?
00:18:41.000 Yeah.
00:18:42.000 And fucking, what was that movie? 0.99
00:18:44.000 He's an exciting guy. 1.00
00:18:44.000 What movie was that? 1.00
00:18:45.000 We Burned Himself?
00:18:47.000 Yeah, I forget.
00:18:48.000 Bruce Willis movie?
00:18:49.000 I know.
00:18:50.000 Was that Pulp Fiction?
00:18:52.000 No.
00:18:53.000 No. 1.00
00:18:53.000 Fuck. 1.00
00:18:54.000 No. 1.00
00:18:55.000 It wasn't?
00:18:55.000 Is that Gary Busey?
00:18:56.000 Yeah, Gary Busey.
00:18:57.000 He's not in Pulp Fiction, is he?
00:18:58.000 He's not?
00:18:59.000 I don't think so. 0.99
00:19:00.000 God damn it. 0.99
00:19:01.000 I hate when I don't know. 0.99
00:19:02.000 I think Rourke is from...
00:19:03.000 I think he's from Liberty City, Miami, too.
00:19:06.000 My point was...
00:19:07.000 Lethal Weapon?
00:19:08.000 Was that what it was?
00:19:09.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:19:10.000 Gary Busey was in...
00:19:11.000 Was it Lethal Weapon?
00:19:12.000 I think so.
00:19:12.000 One of them.
00:19:13.000 Yeah, I think it was.
00:19:14.000 Yeah, it was Lethal Weapon.
00:19:15.000 Hold on.
00:19:16.000 Was he in Point Break?
00:19:18.000 Yeah, I think so. 1.00
00:19:18.000 That was a good fucking movie. 1.00
00:19:19.000 That was a great movie, yeah. 1.00
00:19:22.000 Yeah, Gary Boosie was a lethal weapon.
00:19:24.000 Yeah, that's what it was.
00:19:25.000 But what was I saying?
00:19:26.000 He was a regular dude, and head trauma transformed him.
00:19:30.000 And I think that's also what happened to Mickey Rourke.
00:19:33.000 He's a regular dude, and he got so crazy that he decided it would be a good idea to put plastic things inside his cheeks to make his cheeks bigger.
00:19:41.000 And nobody would know.
00:19:42.000 Have you ever seen the photos?
00:19:44.000 Yeah.
00:19:45.000 He had them removed, and now he's just got this weird thing where just... 0.96
00:19:51.000 I think anyone that fucks with their face is going to look weird.
00:19:53.000 I don't know if Paul McCartney, because on the Grammys, his face, there was a lot going on there. 0.99
00:19:58.000 I think a lot of those dudes are just Botoxing it.
00:20:01.000 Botoxing.
00:20:01.000 Yeah, but still.
00:20:02.000 They freeze their face so they can't move.
00:20:03.000 Like if you get mad at something, you can't move your forehead.
00:20:06.000 It's way better to be able to do that and look old. 0.98
00:20:09.000 It's so silly. 0.98
00:20:10.000 You don't look better. 0.99
00:20:11.000 You just look weird.
00:20:12.000 You look weird.
00:20:13.000 Your face doesn't move.
00:20:14.000 Why isn't your face moving?
00:20:15.000 These girls on these Beverly Hills Housewives shows, there's a lot of these women that have fillers in their face. 1.00
00:20:21.000 And then on top of that, they have Botox.
00:20:23.000 So they have these shiny faces that are puffed up and they don't move.
00:20:26.000 And they look like masks. 0.99
00:20:28.000 I was high as fuck once. 0.99
00:20:30.000 I was in the green room with Joey Diaz. 0.99
00:20:33.000 Joey turns on the TV. And it was Joan Rivers.
00:20:37.000 And I just freaked out.
00:20:39.000 I just freaked out.
00:20:40.000 Because I was so baked.
00:20:42.000 And it hit me.
00:20:43.000 I looked at it.
00:20:44.000 And it really hit me what she's done.
00:20:47.000 And, you know, you just want to go, just tell her to stop.
00:20:49.000 Just tell her to stop doing that. 1.00
00:20:50.000 Yeah.
00:20:50.000 Just tell her.
00:20:51.000 And she's still doing it.
00:20:52.000 It doesn't make you look better.
00:20:53.000 It doesn't make you look better. 0.99
00:20:54.000 It makes you look crazy. 0.99
00:20:55.000 I know. 0.93
00:20:56.000 I know.
00:20:56.000 It's the weirdest thing ever, that frozen, puffy face.
00:21:00.000 You know, it's like they're injecting things into their face because when you get older, one of the first things that happens is your face starts to lose body fat.
00:21:07.000 That's why you get, like, sort of sunk in, wrinkly.
00:21:10.000 You lose.
00:21:11.000 So they're injecting things in there to puff it up.
00:21:14.000 Whoa, it's crazy looking, man.
00:21:15.000 She looks wild, man.
00:21:17.000 Woo! 0.99
00:21:18.000 It's a monster face! 0.96
00:21:20.000 That's why when I see these women, I call them monster faces, because you see them all the time. 1.00
00:21:23.000 And it's like, it really is just a mistake, you know?
00:21:26.000 Yeah.
00:21:26.000 It's a mistake of, you shouldn't do it.
00:21:28.000 And it's out of, like, such a fear of, what would it look like all...
00:21:32.000 Yeah.
00:21:32.000 They don't want to look old, so they'd rather look...
00:21:35.000 Well, it's also you convince yourself that you could fix something. 0.91
00:21:38.000 Like, I got hair transplants, and I totally wish I'd never done it because I have this stupid scar in the back of my head now. 0.95
00:21:42.000 Otherwise, I would shave my head. 0.93
00:21:44.000 But I got it because I was convinced that I could fix something.
00:21:47.000 Like, my hair was falling out.
00:21:48.000 I was like, how do I fix this?
00:21:49.000 Is there a way to fix this?
00:21:50.000 You research ways to fix this.
00:21:51.000 You talk to the doctor.
00:21:51.000 I can fix it!
00:21:52.000 And they go, oh, he can fix it.
00:21:54.000 Like, okay, I'll just get it fixed.
00:21:55.000 But it doesn't fix.
00:21:56.000 It fixes it temporarily, but all the other hair falls out of it.
00:21:59.000 The way I describe it, I said it's like you're taking a bunch of healthy people and you're moving them to a neighborhood where everyone's dying. 0.96
00:22:06.000 So they take hair from the back of your head, they move it to the top of your head, and then all its neighbors just fucking wilt. 0.78
00:22:12.000 Callan has the exact same thing he was talking about on the podcast.
00:22:17.000 And he was saying that they can pretty much get rid of a lot of the scar nowadays.
00:22:21.000 Yeah, they can.
00:22:22.000 I'm actually having treatments.
00:22:23.000 They shoot things in your scar.
00:22:25.000 It makes it smaller.
00:22:26.000 It's like a cortisone or something. 0.99
00:22:28.000 I don't know what the fuck it is. 0.99
00:22:29.000 Something. 0.99
00:22:30.000 It's Botox.
00:22:31.000 It's not bad.
00:22:33.000 I've seen guys who have bad ones.
00:22:34.000 Mine's really thin.
00:22:35.000 It's a very thin scar, but it's long.
00:22:37.000 I've seen dudes who have big, fat, wide ones because their skin stretches out. 0.80
00:22:40.000 Wear some chains?
00:22:41.000 Yeah.
00:22:41.000 Do you think that I should have a lot of bling to distract?
00:22:44.000 Maybe I should have a giant Jesus on the cross.
00:22:46.000 It'd be a conversation piece.
00:22:47.000 That'd be nice, man.
00:22:48.000 Made out of diamonds, and no one will even know.
00:22:50.000 They'll go, what's going on with your head?
00:22:51.000 Nothing.
00:22:51.000 Whatever.
00:22:52.000 Get an eagle medallion.
00:22:54.000 Something big.
00:22:55.000 An eagle?
00:22:55.000 3D. Maybe an eagle on the back of my head, bro.
00:22:57.000 American badass. 0.68
00:22:59.000 Now you're thinking.
00:22:59.000 With, like, his claws will have, like, the American flag in it.
00:23:04.000 Yeah.
00:23:05.000 Don't you find it weird that...
00:23:06.000 These colors don't run.
00:23:07.000 Don't you find it weird that capes never caught on?
00:23:09.000 Like, it seems like we should have capes.
00:23:11.000 Totally weird.
00:23:11.000 Like, really nice capes.
00:23:13.000 Yeah, I find it totally weird. 0.99
00:23:15.000 That's the fucked up thing. 0.96
00:23:17.000 It never came back. 0.98
00:23:18.000 We didn't wear capes in the 50s.
00:23:20.000 I think capes maybe back in the 1700s in castle times.
00:23:24.000 Well, I think we think of that because of Dracula, right?
00:23:26.000 But is that what they really wore? 0.91
00:23:28.000 I think it was cold as fuck back then and they hadn't really figured out jackets yet. 0.83
00:23:32.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:23:32.000 These stupid fucks. 1.00
00:23:33.000 They would wear their clothes and they would have this giant thing that they would throw over them like a blanket that you run out of the house with. 1.00
00:23:39.000 If you wear a cape now, you better be able to back it up with some real shit. 0.99
00:23:43.000 That's a confident move. 0.99
00:23:45.000 What if it had tons of pockets for cell phones and money and wallets?
00:23:48.000 It was like a book bag that was a cape.
00:23:50.000 I just think you better be cool too.
00:23:51.000 It's a very purple ring of you.
00:23:52.000 I want you to be a really cool dude. 1.00
00:23:55.000 You gotta be a bad motherfucker for real. 0.99
00:23:57.000 When you walk away, you're like, yeah, that dude's pretty cool. 1.00
00:23:59.000 I'll take capes over that stupid shit that I saw today at the store where this guy, grown guy, probably our age, had a fucking wallet chain, but on it it had stuffed animals. 1.00
00:24:09.000 I think there were different kinds of Pokemon. 1.00
00:24:11.000 And then he had a fucking raccoon tail. 0.99
00:24:14.000 He had a raccoon tail? 1.00
00:24:16.000 Yeah, those stupid fake tails that people are wearing. 1.00
00:24:18.000 Wow, that's a sad man. 1.00
00:24:19.000 How old is this guy?
00:24:20.000 In his 30s?
00:24:21.000 Is that what you're saying?
00:24:21.000 35, 40?
00:24:22.000 Wow.
00:24:23.000 Oh my goodness.
00:24:24.000 I just wanted to...
00:24:24.000 A cape is better than that.
00:24:26.000 A cape is a more powerful statement.
00:24:28.000 Definitely.
00:24:29.000 The host of Fear Factor in Mexico had a cape.
00:24:31.000 For real?
00:24:32.000 Yeah.
00:24:32.000 When we were doing Fear Factor, they spun off a bunch of other Fear Factors.
00:24:37.000 And one of them they did in Mexico. 0.98
00:24:38.000 I don't even know if they fucking... 0.98
00:24:40.000 It was like an official... 0.99
00:24:41.000 Oh, really?
00:24:42.000 They might have just ganked it.
00:24:43.000 But they would copy our ideas and they would do them with no safety at all.
00:24:48.000 We had one where we had these people where they had to rescue a dummy out of a burning building.
00:24:53.000 And we put them in these crazy fire suits with a helmet on and we had dudes standing by with fire extinguishers.
00:24:58.000 When they did it on the Mexican show, they wore shorts.
00:25:02.000 Wow. 1.00
00:25:02.000 There were just people in shorts running through a fucking house that was burning. 1.00
00:25:06.000 That's crazy. 1.00
00:25:06.000 Yeah, it was ridiculous. 1.00
00:25:07.000 It was probably a regular house, too. 0.83
00:25:09.000 Ours was a fake house that the fire department uses for training in these things.
00:25:13.000 It doesn't burn down.
00:25:14.000 Theirs was covering murder.
00:25:17.000 That's one thing that's crazy about our country.
00:25:20.000 Our country and our culture is so engrossed in lawsuits and it operates on them and the fear of them that that actually makes things way safer.
00:25:28.000 You think about it, there's countries, not necessarily Mexico, but there's countries in the world where that is never an issue.
00:25:33.000 We want safety.
00:25:35.000 We want safety.
00:25:39.000 We want to be able to do things safe, and we want to be able to sue people that don't look out for our safety.
00:25:43.000 Yeah. 0.98
00:25:43.000 But ultimately, somewhere along the line, we're becoming a bunch of pussies. 0.98
00:25:47.000 With the lawsuit thing, people like... 0.99
00:25:49.000 They look at it as a lottery. 0.98
00:25:51.000 It's so ridiculous. 0.73
00:25:52.000 I mean, there's people that have legitimate concerns and legitimate claims. 0.95
00:25:56.000 There definitely are.
00:25:57.000 But then you read about these absolutely insane things that you pin on somebody else for things that you did.
00:26:04.000 Yeah.
00:26:05.000 Like, everything is somebody else's responsibility.
00:26:07.000 Well, you know about the lady that spilled the McDonald's coffee on her? 1.00
00:26:09.000 That's so ridiculous. 0.99
00:26:11.000 Yeah. 0.94
00:26:11.000 I think they overturned that. 0.94
00:26:13.000 I think they actually overturned that.
00:26:14.000 And that's not even...
00:26:15.000 To hear some of the ones that people win in the amounts, you're like, why are you paying this person?
00:26:21.000 Have you heard about the Monsanto lawsuit?
00:26:24.000 They're guilty of chemically poisoning people in France. 1.00
00:26:27.000 Oh, shit. 1.00
00:26:28.000 They chemically poisoned a French farmer. 1.00
00:26:30.000 Wow.
00:26:30.000 Yeah.
00:26:31.000 That's going to be a big suit.
00:26:32.000 Yeah.
00:26:33.000 Yeah.
00:26:33.000 They were found guilty.
00:26:35.000 Really?
00:26:35.000 Yeah.
00:26:36.000 Yeah, I don't know the exact story.
00:26:38.000 Apparently, it's the first such claim to ever reach French court. 0.99
00:26:41.000 And Monsanto, apparently they have some fucking pesticide. 0.98
00:26:45.000 There's another thing they found out that in 93% of pregnant women that they tested, they found this pesticide that exists in Monsanto genetically modified crops. 0.99
00:26:56.000 Uh-uh.
00:26:57.000 Yeah, uh-huh.
00:26:58.000 Yeah, man.
00:26:59.000 You know, our politicians sold us down a river. 0.99
00:27:01.000 They let all this shit go on because this is a giant company that makes a ton of money. 0.99
00:27:06.000 And the way they make the ton of money is they patent plants. 1.00
00:27:09.000 They genetically engineer them so that it's uniquely theirs.
00:27:12.000 And then they decide where they sell it.
00:27:15.000 They decide what price they have for it.
00:27:17.000 And you can't do anything about it.
00:27:18.000 And you have to buy new stuff every year.
00:27:20.000 And if it cross-pollinates with the neighbor, they can sue the neighbor for copyright infringement.
00:27:25.000 It's completely crazy.
00:27:28.000 They've figured out a way to copyright life.
00:27:30.000 And they've actually tried to do it with pig parts. 0.98
00:27:33.000 Monsanto's crazy. 1.00
00:27:34.000 They've tried to do it with a bunch of different shit. 1.00
00:27:35.000 But this should have never been able to get to this position. 0.99
00:27:39.000 This is the best evidence that the United States needs.
00:27:42.000 The best evidence.
00:27:43.000 Something like Monsanto.
00:27:44.000 The best evidence that our political system is completely corrupt. 1.00
00:27:48.000 Because if you were really looking out for people, there's no fucking way you would let a company make a bunch of shit Take plants. 1.00
00:27:55.000 Patent them. 1.00
00:27:56.000 Then sue people because the fucking... 1.00
00:27:58.000 The heir carries their pollen. 1.00
00:28:01.000 They cross-pollinate neighbor's plants.
00:28:03.000 And then this neighbor just... 1.00
00:28:04.000 You know where the fuck he got that shit from, you assholes. 1.00
00:28:08.000 You know, you're going to get to sue them? 1.00
00:28:10.000 And you're going to take a guy to court?
00:28:11.000 And there's... 0.97
00:28:13.000 In India, there's a whole bang fucking giant group of farmers that have been killing themselves because they get indebted to Monsanto and they can't afford to pay their bills. 0.99
00:28:25.000 Monsanto's like gangsters. 0.99
00:28:26.000 That's like mafia.
00:28:27.000 They will shut you down if you don't play ball.
00:28:30.000 Yeah, well this is crazy because you've got to think about how much political pull that they have and the fact that they still lost in court.
00:28:37.000 That says a lot. 0.99
00:28:39.000 You know, I think people are rising up and they're getting tired of this bullshit. 1.00
00:28:42.000 It's ridiculous what these people have allowed to take place. 0.99
00:28:45.000 And it doesn't have to continue along the same lines, you know?
00:28:48.000 What we really need is healthy food. 0.99
00:28:51.000 What we don't need is a bunch of fucking crazy shit where companies come along And genetically modify crops, and then they take those crops, and then they sell them to people with no evidence whatsoever about the long-term implications of the exposure to some of these chemicals. 0.99
00:29:07.000 And what is this going to do to the environment? 1.00
00:29:09.000 You're playing with God, man. 0.99
00:29:11.000 You're doing really crazy shit when you start altering life and then entering that. 0.99
00:29:15.000 I mean, this isn't as simple as... 0.99
00:29:17.000 You know, packaging a new kind of soap. 0.96
00:29:19.000 You're doing something pretty fucking crazy. 0.61
00:29:22.000 Yeah, that people are going to be in their system. 0.95
00:29:24.000 There's not that much evidence or not that much history of genetically modified foods.
00:29:31.000 I mean, we need like 10, 20, 30 years to really analyze what the fuck it does, the environment, the people, and what's the chain reaction, you know?
00:29:38.000 What does the wings of the butterfly do from the modified food to, you know, how does it affect the ecosystem that all of a sudden it takes over? 0.67
00:29:46.000 Yeah.
00:29:46.000 You know?
00:29:47.000 It's weird, man. 0.97
00:29:48.000 It's weird when you start fucking with life, you know? 0.98
00:29:51.000 Yeah. 0.76
00:29:51.000 It's like, you know, I talked to this dude, he was talking about, I was just listening to the Opie and Anthony show, and what's his face was on? 0.76
00:30:00.000 Nicolas Cage, and he was talking about the black rhino going extinct this year. 0.94
00:30:05.000 And I was telling him to do this, and he was like, well, we could just bring it back, you know, if we would just fucking bring back the black rhino. 0.61
00:30:11.000 Oh, you mean like... 0.96
00:30:11.000 Can't they do that? 0.96
00:30:12.000 Yeah, can't they do that?
00:30:13.000 I mean, they're talking about doing that right now with woolly mammoths.
00:30:17.000 Yeah, but then it becomes the question of, okay, do we need rhinos, though?
00:30:20.000 No.
00:30:21.000 Do we really need rhinos at the point?
00:30:22.000 Woolly mammoths just to have a couple, like at zoos, I think would be awesome.
00:30:25.000 Did you see there's a video in Siberia of a bear walking across a stream with a fish in his mouth?
00:30:31.000 And it's really blurry.
00:30:33.000 And so people are like, it's a woolly mammoth in Siberia.
00:30:36.000 And then other people are going, or a bear with a fish in his mouth...
00:30:40.000 How come the woolly mammoth has a blue nose?
00:30:42.000 Right. 1.00
00:30:43.000 You stupid fucks. 1.00
00:30:44.000 Like, maybe there's a woolly mammoth. 1.00
00:30:46.000 There's a whole industry devoted to falsely seeing stuff, you know?
00:30:50.000 There's like, there's all, there's shows.
00:30:52.000 Like, full hour programs.
00:30:54.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:30:54.000 Like, this is, we're going to talk about the shit that we saw. 1.00
00:30:56.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:30:56.000 And it's just people telling you, I saw some shit. 1.00
00:30:59.000 And you're like, that's fucking bullshit, man. 1.00
00:31:00.000 You didn't see anything. 1.00
00:31:01.000 You know when I really learned that?
00:31:03.000 When I did that game show in my head show.
00:31:05.000 I did this show for CBS and what the show was, it was a game show with hidden cameras.
00:31:10.000 And the way it worked was, I was the host and I would have a dude with a little earpiece in it.
00:31:18.000 I would send him out to a place and the cameras were already in place.
00:31:20.000 Hidden cameras were in place.
00:31:21.000 I'd go, alright dude, you ready?
00:31:23.000 He'd go, yeah.
00:31:23.000 I'd go, here's the deal.
00:31:24.000 You're a reporter.
00:31:26.000 And you are there for the biggest story of your life.
00:31:29.000 There was a UFO over Hollywood.
00:31:33.000 And all these people saw it.
00:31:35.000 But by the time you got your camera there and got it set up, all the people went away.
00:31:38.000 So what you got to do is you got to find someone to get on camera with you and talk about their UFO experience.
00:31:47.000 And you got to get them to say that they were abducted and probed.
00:31:52.000 And the guy's like, okay, okay, okay, alright, here we go.
00:31:56.000 And it was immediate.
00:31:58.000 It was like no one said no.
00:32:00.000 He goes, listen, man, I'm a reporter for this and that.
00:32:02.000 Here's the deal.
00:32:02.000 There was just a UFO sighting.
00:32:04.000 Do you think I could get you to come on camera and say that you saw it?
00:32:07.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:32:08.000 and then people would just start talking.
00:32:10.000 They were like, well, it was bright silver, and it was spinning over the hemisphere, and what happened was, and they would just give completely detailed accounts.
00:32:20.000 It's like at this point, people have been so poisoned by pop culture and by the idea of UFOs.
00:32:27.000 They can just recall.
00:32:28.000 They just have this frozen, fake idea in their head from 100 movies, and they can just, oh, yeah, I remember what happened in that movie.
00:32:37.000 Yeah, or there was lights and lights that spin around.
00:32:39.000 They've seen it a hundred times.
00:32:41.000 It was amazing.
00:32:42.000 They just lied.
00:32:44.000 Not only did they lie, they lied and were willing to sign a waiver saying that they lied and that we were going to show it on TV. It was nuts.
00:32:53.000 People love to lie about stories because they love to be the one to report.
00:32:58.000 There's a fascination with, like, you want to know what happened?
00:33:01.000 And you get to report.
00:33:03.000 Because everybody focuses on you, and they're like, what happened?
00:33:06.000 And so if you're willing to give them the goods, people are willing to listen.
00:33:10.000 And you get a charge out of being the one that told everybody.
00:33:15.000 They love it.
00:33:16.000 It's amazing that they're willing to just make it up.
00:33:19.000 Yeah.
00:33:20.000 Just for that feeling. 1.00
00:33:21.000 I think people, there's a lot of people that live lives of such shit. 1.00
00:33:26.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:33:26.000 Their lives suck so bad that they almost believe what they're saying when they tell you some story about seeing Bigfoot. 1.00
00:33:32.000 Sure. 0.99
00:33:33.000 You know?
00:33:33.000 Yeah.
00:33:33.000 It was probably a bear, and it was 20 years ago, and they were scared, and it was dusk, and they were like, he made eye contact with me.
00:33:41.000 I'll tell you this right now.
00:33:42.000 Yeah.
00:33:42.000 To the day I die, I swear on the eyes of my children, Yeah, that was a Sasquatch.
00:33:49.000 And they fucking believe it, man, by the time 20 years have passed. 1.00
00:33:53.000 Yeah, they've added all kinds of shit, man. 0.99
00:33:55.000 That memory ain't even real anyway. 0.99
00:33:56.000 I told them.
00:33:56.000 I told them.
00:33:57.000 Your memories that you have from anything more than five years ago, what is that, really? 0.96
00:34:04.000 I mean, you might remember some really intense shit, but barely. 0.93
00:34:08.000 But barely, yeah. 0.99
00:34:09.000 But barely.
00:34:10.000 I mean, you could recall data and information, but how much of that memory can you really pull out?
00:34:13.000 I remember making up a story as a kid.
00:34:16.000 I remember making up a story as a kid and spinning it to people to the point where I would just tell people in detail for years, from fifth grade on. 0.99
00:34:26.000 And then one day I was like, I made this shit up. 0.98
00:34:29.000 Like, I just completely made this up. 0.99
00:34:32.000 I told a story to people about, because we lived in Minneapolis, they're like, how cold is it getting in Minneapolis?
00:34:36.000 And I was like, December 24th of 1989, it was 74 below zero.
00:34:42.000 I'm like, yeah.
00:34:43.000 And I was like, it was so cold, my teacher's ears froze and they fell off. 0.98
00:34:47.000 And they were like, shut up. 0.72
00:34:48.000 I was like... 0.99
00:34:48.000 She's staying at a bus stop. 0.99
00:34:49.000 We're outside of Sacred Heart.
00:34:51.000 Bus came up.
00:34:52.000 She didn't have a hat on.
00:34:53.000 It was like the coldest thing ever.
00:34:56.000 She went to touch her left ear, and it fell off.
00:34:59.000 It was frozen.
00:34:59.000 And then when she went to grab her right, it fell off in her hand, and her ears fell off.
00:35:03.000 I saw it. 0.98
00:35:03.000 And people were like, get the fuck out of here. 0.98
00:35:05.000 I'm like, yeah, that's what happened.
00:35:06.000 It was real.
00:35:08.000 And then one day I was just telling somebody, and they're like, this doesn't sound real. 0.99
00:35:12.000 I'm like, yeah, I think I made this shit up. 0.99
00:35:15.000 You forgot what you made up? 0.99
00:35:17.000 Yeah, I forgot that I made it up. 0.96
00:35:18.000 I made it up because I made it up for that feeling, but when you first discover the feeling, when you're 10 years old and you tell someone some wild shit and they go, what? 0.77
00:35:27.000 You're like, oh, that feels kind of good.
00:35:29.000 And so it was like a 10-year-old version of that that I told when I was 10, 11, 12, and then finally when I'm like 14, 15, I was like, I don't think I saw this actually.
00:35:41.000 Yeah.
00:35:41.000 I think I was 10 years old and I told you that my teacher's ears fell off.
00:35:45.000 Do you think that's what happened with OJ? Oh, that his story is just...
00:35:51.000 Became almost like indiscernible?
00:35:53.000 Like, maybe this is real?
00:35:54.000 I don't know what happened.
00:35:55.000 I don't know, man.
00:35:55.000 Do you think...
00:35:56.000 That is such a crazy reality that we had that figure in our lifetime.
00:36:02.000 That is a spectacular climb and fall.
00:36:05.000 That's almost unparalleled.
00:36:06.000 To be a Heisman Trophy winning top, top tier world class athlete and celebrity that parlayed it into this...
00:36:18.000 Awesome TV, movie career.
00:36:21.000 Commercials.
00:36:22.000 I mean, he was...
00:36:22.000 That was like...
00:36:24.000 Dude, that is...
00:36:25.000 That's it.
00:36:25.000 Like, that's basically...
00:36:27.000 That's the top of the mountain when it comes to an athlete's career.
00:36:31.000 Yeah.
00:36:31.000 Athlete transitioning into celebrity.
00:36:33.000 Oh, man.
00:36:33.000 That's the model to follow.
00:36:35.000 Like, it had to do it.
00:36:36.000 And then for that to be the guy... 0.99
00:36:38.000 Fucking just... 1.00
00:36:40.000 Butchered people. 1.00
00:36:41.000 Isn't it crazy? 1.00
00:36:42.000 Cut them up. 1.00
00:36:43.000 Just over some pussy. 1.00
00:36:44.000 And then wanted to steal back his shit. 1.00
00:36:47.000 That's my shit, man! 1.00
00:36:48.000 Let it go, son. 1.00
00:36:49.000 It's just a little bit of pussy. 1.00
00:36:51.000 And now he's locked up for another... 1.00
00:36:53.000 He beat the craziest...
00:36:55.000 The crime that we all know that's so crazy. 1.00
00:36:58.000 He beat that charge and went back for some dumb shit some dumb beyond dumb shit memorabilia taking his memorabilia back with a station was that what it was the pal station station man First on the UFC. 0.99
00:37:11.000 Oh really does what my that was my first Las Vegas game Really you played the pal station pal station Wow, that's locals, right? 1.00
00:37:18.000 Those are local casinos.
00:37:21.000 Locals and people from out of town that don't know any better.
00:37:23.000 Yeah, that's a place too where you...
00:37:25.000 Or people actually that like to gamble like to go to those places.
00:37:28.000 They just like to gamble because they have better odds.
00:37:31.000 Yeah, that's true.
00:37:32.000 Yeah, because if you go to the Bellagio or one of the big casinos, MGM Grand or something like that, they kind of...
00:37:37.000 I think they're probably better at getting your money. 1.00
00:37:40.000 Yeah, that shit's mostly bullshit. 1.00
00:37:42.000 It seems like it's just... 1.00
00:37:42.000 Oh, we're here. 1.00
00:37:43.000 Let's go spend some money. 1.00
00:37:44.000 That shit's real quick, man. 1.00
00:37:46.000 It's weird. 1.00
00:37:47.000 It's weird.
00:37:48.000 I've seen people lose hundreds of thousands of dollars.
00:37:51.000 Really?
00:37:51.000 Oh, yeah.
00:37:52.000 Yeah.
00:37:53.000 I've been coming to Vegas.
00:37:54.000 I've been going to Vegas doing UFCs since 2001, 2002. That's when I started going to watch.
00:38:01.000 2001, I started going right after 9-11.
00:38:03.000 I saw Tito Ortiz take on Vladimir Matyushenko.
00:38:06.000 That was right after September 11th.
00:38:08.000 You called that...
00:38:09.000 No, no, no.
00:38:09.000 I was in the audience.
00:38:11.000 Really?
00:38:11.000 Watching, yeah.
00:38:11.000 It didn't work for them back then.
00:38:13.000 I was just a fan.
00:38:16.000 And so from then to 2012, I've seen some people throw some crazy money away.
00:38:23.000 I bet, man.
00:38:23.000 It's just a weird place when you have one area where all the rules are different.
00:38:28.000 Yeah.
00:38:28.000 One area.
00:38:29.000 Just one area. 0.99
00:38:30.000 One area we can fucking drink whenever you want. 0.98
00:38:33.000 One spot. 0.97
00:38:34.000 We got this spot and you can just fucking 6 o'clock in the morning and have a drink. 0.93
00:38:37.000 You don't ever have to leave your hotel, dude. 0.75
00:38:38.000 We got a giant hotel where you can wander around.
00:38:41.000 We have world class food here and everywhere you can gamble.
00:38:45.000 If they had a strip club in the major hotels, it would really be the perfect place.
00:38:49.000 A strip club and a pool hall.
00:38:51.000 You never have to go anywhere.
00:38:52.000 The strip club would be like a $100 million a year revenue generator.
00:38:57.000 It probably would.
00:38:58.000 But it would be too much.
00:39:00.000 Too much.
00:39:00.000 Too dark.
00:39:01.000 Too decadent.
00:39:01.000 Make people leave.
00:39:03.000 Make people go somewhere.
00:39:04.000 But there's places they have in Vegas that are the biggest strip clubs in the world. 0.99
00:39:08.000 They're enormous.
00:39:10.000 You know Macau, China?
00:39:12.000 Do you know what I'm talking about?
00:39:13.000 It's a place in China?
00:39:14.000 Yeah.
00:39:15.000 No.
00:39:15.000 That's their Vegas.
00:39:17.000 That's their gambling.
00:39:19.000 That place, the Chinese place, does something like three or four times the money that Vegas does.
00:39:28.000 Oh, wow.
00:39:28.000 Like, it blows it away.
00:39:30.000 Is it because of volume or because they gamble more?
00:39:33.000 I would think it's a combination of the two.
00:39:35.000 Chinese gamble hard, dude. 1.00
00:39:37.000 I didn't know they build those places in Vegas.
00:39:39.000 A lot of them build it to the standards.
00:39:41.000 Oh, yeah.
00:39:42.000 For Asian.
00:39:44.000 For Feng Shui, yeah.
00:39:45.000 And the numbers of the floors are important.
00:39:48.000 Yeah.
00:39:48.000 And the way it's set up is important.
00:39:49.000 And there's things that aren't lucky.
00:39:51.000 They make sure that they do it in accordance with what Chinese people think is lucky.
00:39:56.000 MGM! MGM used to be...
00:39:57.000 You remember what the entrance of the MGM was when it opened?
00:39:59.000 What was it?
00:40:00.000 The main entrance was a lion's mouth.
00:40:02.000 You were walking into it.
00:40:03.000 Oh, yeah.
00:40:03.000 Oh, and it was bad luck for them, right?
00:40:04.000 And the Asians were like, no thanks. 1.00
00:40:05.000 And they're like, hold on a second. 1.00
00:40:07.000 We're going to take that shit down right now. 1.00
00:40:08.000 They got rid of the lion's mouth. 1.00
00:40:09.000 That's right.
00:40:11.000 They don't want to walk through a lion's mouth. 1.00
00:40:13.000 Yeah, well, that's because in their country you can get eaten by a fucking tiger. 1.00
00:40:16.000 Right. 1.00
00:40:17.000 You know?
00:40:17.000 They just took that lion out of the MGM. Oh, the lion that was living in there?
00:40:21.000 Yeah.
00:40:22.000 I always thought that was the most depressing thing ever.
00:40:24.000 It's terrifying.
00:40:24.000 And they attacked a trainer there once.
00:40:27.000 Oh, really?
00:40:27.000 Yeah.
00:40:28.000 Yeah, there's this video of it.
00:40:29.000 Lion Attacks Trainer at MGM. Yeah, it's pretty fucked up. 0.99
00:40:32.000 Pull that shit up. 1.00
00:40:33.000 See if we can find it. 0.99
00:40:34.000 Yeah, I think my favorite is the shark tank at Mandalay Bay.
00:40:38.000 That's amazing.
00:40:38.000 That's the most badass attraction.
00:40:40.000 That's a dope-ass aquarium setup. 0.76
00:40:42.000 Yeah.
00:40:43.000 They have a huge tank filled with sharks, and they have these cool-ass jellyfish, and the jellyfish are all under these psychedelic neon lights, and they're floating around.
00:40:52.000 Mm-hmm.
00:40:52.000 That's a badass fish tank, man.
00:40:54.000 Jeez, this is a crazy video.
00:40:56.000 Dude, it's a bizarre video.
00:40:57.000 The MGM, the guys are in the tank with the...
00:41:00.000 Put your hand down so I can see.
00:41:01.000 The MGM guys are in the tank with giant male lions, man. 1.00
00:41:05.000 And for whatever reason, the lions are just like, bitch! 1.00
00:41:10.000 Here he gets up. 0.99
00:41:11.000 I don't know what happens.
00:41:13.000 He just finds the guy weak.
00:41:15.000 I bet they're just annoyed, man. 1.00
00:41:17.000 They're trapped in this fucking box with these little pink bitches that think that they can survive. 1.00
00:41:22.000 Why do you think you could stand next to a lion? 1.00
00:41:24.000 I don't care if you raise that thing with a bottle.
00:41:26.000 Look at the size of that.
00:41:26.000 Look, he just decides to jack the dude.
00:41:28.000 Look at that, man. 1.00
00:41:30.000 Just decides to fuck that dude up for no reason. 1.00
00:41:32.000 Then the female jumps in. 1.00
00:41:33.000 And even if they're playing, even if he's playing, it's like, whatever, man.
00:41:37.000 Look at him.
00:41:37.000 He just goes after that guy for no reason.
00:41:40.000 And that guy's like, oh shit. 0.99
00:41:41.000 And the other guy, for whatever reason, he's listening to the other guy. 0.99
00:41:44.000 So the other guy gets in between the two of them and the lion chases him.
00:41:48.000 The guy almost gets jacked.
00:41:50.000 Wow.
00:41:50.000 How scary must that have been?
00:41:52.000 And people took that shit with their cell phones. 1.00
00:41:54.000 I know. 1.00
00:41:54.000 Look at the size of his fucking head and all that crazy hair around him. 1.00
00:41:58.000 What a nutty animal, man. 1.00
00:42:00.000 That's crazy. 0.98
00:42:01.000 I did not hear about this.
00:42:02.000 Yeah.
00:42:03.000 Well, nobody died, but it was a freak moment.
00:42:05.000 And you know, they have that hair around their neck just so that other lions can't kill them.
00:42:09.000 Oh, really?
00:42:10.000 That's what it's for.
00:42:11.000 I thought it was interesting that the girl lion was like, hey, stop. 0.99
00:42:15.000 You're biting a human. 0.89
00:42:16.000 Did you notice that?
00:42:17.000 She kind of jumped on them.
00:42:19.000 She might have been like, can I bite them too? 1.00
00:42:21.000 If shit got crazy, if some blood came out, she might have fucked them up too. 1.00
00:42:24.000 Because they're the hunters. 1.00
00:42:25.000 The females are the hunters. 1.00
00:42:27.000 Have you been following this whole thing with Judge Napitano that got fired from Fox Business?
00:42:34.000 Fascinating.
00:42:34.000 That's crazy.
00:42:36.000 I didn't know anything about the Israeli connection that some people believe.
00:42:40.000 Pull that thing up. 0.99
00:42:41.000 Pull that video up so we can listen to it because it's not long.
00:42:43.000 And it's shocking.
00:42:45.000 Judge Napolitano, he had a show on Fox Business where he would really be super honest about stuff and really have an astute breakdown of how our political system really functions and how the American public has been lied to from the he had a show on Fox Business where he would really And the way he did it is by posing a bunch of questions.
00:43:06.000 What if this?
00:43:08.000 What if that?
00:43:09.000 And the way he does it, man, it's really – That's actually a different video that I was talking about.
00:43:13.000 Listen to this.
00:43:14.000 No, that's a different video, what you're talking about.
00:43:16.000 I'll find that.
00:43:17.000 This was the video that got him fired.
00:43:20.000 Fired?
00:43:21.000 Yeah.
00:43:21.000 He got fired the other day for this broadcast.
00:43:23.000 Well, no.
00:43:24.000 The other video was on that as well.
00:43:27.000 I see the one that you just pulled up, but the other video was being touted as something that got him fired as well.
00:43:32.000 Apparently, they were going to fire him no matter what.
00:43:34.000 This was his go-out.
00:43:36.000 But listen to what he says.
00:43:37.000 ...process that validates an establishment that never meaningfully changes.
00:43:41.000 What if that establishment doesn't want and doesn't have the consent of the governed?
00:43:45.000 What if the two-party system was actually a mechanism used to limit so-called public opinion?
00:43:51.000 What if there were more than two sides to every issue, but the two parties wanted to box you into a corner, one of their corners?
00:43:58.000 What if there's no such thing as public opinion, because every thinking person has opinions that are uniquely his own?
00:44:05.000 What if what we call public opinion was just a manufactured narrative that makes it easier to convince people that if their views are different, then there's something wrong with that or there's something wrong with them?
00:44:17.000 What if the whole purpose of the Democratic and Republican parties was not to expand voters' choices, but to limit them?
00:44:24.000 What if the widely perceived differences between the two parties was just an illusion?
00:44:29.000 What if the heart of the government policy remains the same no matter who's in the White House?
00:44:33.000 What if the heart of government policy remains the same no matter what the people want?
00:44:38.000 What if those vaunted differences between Democrat and Republican were actually just minor disagreements?
00:44:44.000 What if both parties just want power and are willing to have young people fight meaningless wars in order to enhance that power?
00:44:52.000 What if both parties continue to fight the war on drugs just to give bureaucrats and cops bigger budgets and more jobs?
00:45:00.000 What if government policies didn't change when government leaders did?
00:45:04.000 What if no matter who won an election, government stayed the same?
00:45:08.000 What if government was really a revolving door for political hacks, bent on exploiting the people once they're in charge?
00:45:16.000 What if both parties supported welfare, war, debt, bailouts and big government?
00:45:20.000 What if the rhetoric that candidates displayed on the campaign trail was dumped after electoral victory?
00:45:26.000 What if Barack Obama campaigned as an anti-war, pro-civil liberties candidate and then waged senseless wars while assaulting your rights that the Constitution is supposed to protect?
00:45:37.000 What if George W. Bush campaigned on a platform of non-intervention and small government, and then waged a foreign policy of muscular military intervention and a domestic policy of vast government borrowing and growth?
00:45:50.000 What if Bill Clinton declared that the era of big government was over, but actually just convinced Republicans like Newt Gingrich that they can get what they want out of big government too?
00:46:02.000 What if the Republicans went along with it?
00:46:04.000 What if Ronald Reagan spent six years running for president, promising to shrink the government, but then the government grew while he was in the White House?
00:46:13.000 What if, notwithstanding Reagan's ideas and cheerfulness and libertarian rhetoric, there really was no Reagan revolution at all?
00:46:21.000 What if all this is happening again?
00:46:23.000 What if Rick Santorum is being embraced by voters who want small government, even though Senator Santorum voted for the Patriot Act, for an expansion of Medicare, and for raising the debt ceiling by trillions of dollars?
00:46:35.000 What if Mitt Romney is being embraced by voters who want anyone but Barack Obama, but they don't realize that Mitt Romney might as well be Barack Obama on everything from warfare to welfare?
00:46:47.000 What if Ron Paul is being ignored by the media, not because, as it claims, he's unappealing or unelectable, but because he doesn't fit into the pre-manufactured public opinion mold used by the establishment to pigeonhole the electorate and create the so-called narrative that drives media coverage of elections?
00:47:07.000 What if the biggest difference between most candidates was not substance, but style?
00:47:11.000 What if those stylistic differences were packaged as substantive ones to reinforce the illusion of a difference between Democrats and Republicans?
00:47:20.000 What if Mitt Romney wins and ends up continuing most of the same policies that Barack Obama promoted?
00:47:27.000 What if Barack Obama's policies too are merely extensions of those from George W. Bush?
00:47:33.000 What if a government that manipulated us could be fired?
00:47:37.000 What if a government that lacked the true and knowing consent of the governed could be dismissed?
00:47:42.000 Now he's getting crazy.
00:47:43.000 What if it were possible to have a real game changer?
00:47:46.000 What if we need a Ron Paul to preserve and protect our freedoms from the government?
00:47:51.000 That's what he got fired for.
00:47:52.000 What if we can make elections matter again?
00:47:55.000 What if we could do something about this?
00:47:57.000 From New York.
00:47:59.000 Defending freedom.
00:48:00.000 Every night of the week.
00:48:02.000 It's so depressing that we're really in a situation where this is the situation.
00:48:06.000 I know.
00:48:06.000 We're really stuck here?
00:48:08.000 This is where we're at.
00:48:09.000 2012. Was that the final broadcast?
00:48:10.000 This guy's absolutely right.
00:48:11.000 I don't know if that was his final broadcast, but it was a very powerful one.
00:48:15.000 It is, yeah.
00:48:16.000 That is powerful stuff.
00:48:17.000 The other one that he talks about, he makes connections on 9-1-1 with Israeli, like how it's like, It's really weird to actually watch it.
00:48:26.000 What was their reason?
00:48:27.000 What did they announce was the reason for firing him?
00:48:30.000 I don't know, man.
00:48:31.000 I don't think they did.
00:48:32.000 I think, you know, look, people get fired for all sorts of different things all the time.
00:48:37.000 I'm not necessarily sure that he got fired because of that.
00:48:40.000 Right.
00:48:40.000 But that's definitely something he went...
00:48:43.000 Pretty fucking... 0.98
00:48:43.000 And was this guy getting popular? 0.98
00:48:45.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:48:46.000 It's popular.
00:48:47.000 It should be even more popular now.
00:48:49.000 The things that he said, they're going to take off on the internet.
00:48:52.000 That video is going to take off on the internet.
00:48:54.000 It already is, right?
00:48:55.000 What's the hits on it right now?
00:48:57.000 444,000.
00:48:59.000 Yeah, and by the way, there's a gang of those.
00:49:01.000 It's not just that one.
00:49:02.000 There's a gang of those out there that's not just one person put it up on YouTube. 1.00
00:49:07.000 Yeah, it's fucking powerful shit, man. 1.00
00:49:08.000 He's absolutely right, too. 1.00
00:49:10.000 I mean, how do you fire the government, though?
00:49:12.000 Let's look.
00:49:13.000 Yeah.
00:49:13.000 Jesus.
00:49:14.000 Something's going to happen though.
00:49:16.000 Something's happening, you know, and I think the government's recognizing it as well, you know.
00:49:19.000 This is going to be an adjustment.
00:49:21.000 There's going to be something...
00:49:21.000 There has to be.
00:49:22.000 Because otherwise it's a dictatorship. 0.97
00:49:24.000 You know, at a certain point in time when you're really not doing the will of the people at all, and you really are suppressing the people, and you really are taking away liberties, you're really trying to turn us into a fucking crazy dictatorship. 0.97
00:49:35.000 Yeah. 0.80
00:49:35.000 It's really not much different than that. 0.80
00:49:36.000 I don't know how anybody views this shit without being cynical after you... 0.99
00:49:40.000 After Obama. 0.98
00:49:41.000 Well, just after you turn a certain age, I feel like it all, I really do feel like it all doesn't matter, whoever you vote for, that nothing is really going to be different.
00:49:52.000 You start hearing that when the speeches start coming about, it's time to change Hollywood.
00:49:58.000 I'm a Washington outsider, and I'm about to go in there. 0.98
00:50:01.000 We're going to change shit up now. 0.97
00:50:03.000 That's the one where you're like, that's not going to happen, man. 0.96
00:50:06.000 Yeah.
00:50:06.000 After a certain age, you realize it's not going to happen.
00:50:08.000 Well, you realize they're not telling you the truth.
00:50:11.000 Yeah.
00:50:11.000 If Obama wanted to say some really radical things, he could have already said it.
00:50:14.000 And you know, Chris Rock really did this really fascinating interview recently where he said that he thinks that Obama's going to wait until his second term, and then he's going to do some crazy shit. 0.99
00:50:23.000 I'm like... 0.98
00:50:24.000 God, you know, that sounds like your wishful thinking.
00:50:26.000 You know, that sounds to me like, have you paid attention to what he has done?
00:50:29.000 Almost irreversible damage.
00:50:31.000 That National Defense Authorization Act that treats the United States like a battlefield and allows indefinite suspension or detention of American civilians with no warrant?
00:50:40.000 That's insanity.
00:50:41.000 You don't need that.
00:50:43.000 We're not falling apart.
00:50:44.000 We don't have violence in the streets every day.
00:50:46.000 We're not in the middle of an Arab Spring situation.
00:50:48.000 We don't have nuclear bombs dropping on our city. 0.97
00:50:50.000 What the fuck are you doing instigating or pushing forward those kinds of laws and legislation? 0.94
00:50:56.000 The number one thing that we're supposed to be about is the pursuit of liberty. 0.98
00:50:59.000 It's supposed to be liberty and justice for all.
00:51:01.000 That's how it ends, right?
00:51:03.000 With liberty and justice for all.
00:51:05.000 That's what we want.
00:51:06.000 And you're taking away liberty.
00:51:07.000 For what?
00:51:08.000 For what?
00:51:09.000 Is it you giving us extra justice?
00:51:11.000 Is that what you...
00:51:12.000 No. 1.00
00:51:12.000 It's bullshit, is what it is. 1.00
00:51:14.000 It's 100% bullshit. 1.00
00:51:16.000 It's not representative of the people. 1.00
00:51:19.000 It's sad, and it's got to change.
00:51:21.000 Just how does it change?
00:51:22.000 I don't know.
00:51:23.000 It scares the shit out of everybody, right?
00:51:25.000 Absolutely, yeah.
00:51:26.000 That judge is on Twitter under Judge Knapp in AP. Oh, really?
00:51:30.000 Maybe get him on an upcoming podcast.
00:51:32.000 Do you think so?
00:51:33.000 Maybe.
00:51:33.000 He'd even talk to us?
00:51:34.000 Sure.
00:51:34.000 He'd probably lock us in jail.
00:51:36.000 I don't know about that.
00:51:37.000 Judge Knapp.
00:51:38.000 He uses a good pomade.
00:51:39.000 What's his full name?
00:51:40.000 What's his name?
00:51:41.000 Judge Napolitano.
00:51:42.000 Yeah, I call him Nappy Tano because he has a nappy tan.
00:51:45.000 I'm following him now.
00:51:46.000 He's only got 55,000 followers.
00:51:48.000 Freedom Watch.
00:51:49.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:51:50.000 Cancel that shit. 1.00
00:51:51.000 Him and Alex Jones. 1.00
00:51:52.000 We need to get Alex Jones on this podcast also sometime.
00:51:55.000 Yeah, Alex is going to do it.
00:51:56.000 He'll do it when he's in LA again. 1.00
00:51:57.000 And Alex is fucking crazy. 0.98
00:51:59.000 If you have Alex on our podcast, you'll get a view as to what's up. 1.00
00:52:03.000 He's right about a lot of shit, man. 0.99
00:52:04.000 I mean, he's a soldier. 1.00
00:52:05.000 He's out there fucking beating the bushes. 1.00
00:52:07.000 See the daily show? 1.00
00:52:08.000 He's a daily thing, right?
00:52:09.000 See the daily show?
00:52:10.000 Yeah.
00:52:10.000 He has a whole studio.
00:52:11.000 Yeah.
00:52:12.000 Oh, yeah. 0.95
00:52:13.000 His studio is pretty fucking impressive. 0.92
00:52:14.000 His show is huge. 0.98
00:52:15.000 It's enormous.
00:52:16.000 There's a lot of people who listen to it.
00:52:17.000 Yeah.
00:52:17.000 It's all doom and gloom, though, man.
00:52:20.000 Yeah, I've seen clips of him.
00:52:21.000 Doom and gloom.
00:52:22.000 The best show we ever had was the time when Joey Diaz took over.
00:52:26.000 I remember that day.
00:52:27.000 Boom! 0.99
00:52:28.000 We've talked about it too many times on the podcast to rehash it, but it was one of the most glorious things I've ever seen.
00:52:32.000 Have you ever been the type of person that when you drive around and you see a hot chick, you'll wink at them or give them kissy faces or anything?
00:52:39.000 No.
00:52:40.000 Lately I've been doing it more.
00:52:41.000 Really?
00:52:42.000 Just because I realized...
00:52:43.000 Because I realize you pretty much can do that and you'll never see that person ever again.
00:52:47.000 They'll never know who you are.
00:52:48.000 Yeah, but you're putting out a creeper feel.
00:52:50.000 No, but I don't do creepy ones. 0.77
00:52:52.000 I'd just be making silly faces at them. 0.64
00:52:54.000 Oh, God, that's even worse. 0.99
00:52:56.000 They don't even know you and you're making silly faces? 0.95
00:52:58.000 It's just funny seeing people's reactions.
00:53:00.000 I love it.
00:53:02.000 There's a lot of fear that you're generating.
00:53:04.000 Yeah, you're putting out some bad huju out there, bro.
00:53:07.000 It's mostly laughter.
00:53:09.000 Mostly laughter.
00:53:10.000 They'll laugh?
00:53:11.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:53:11.000 Oh, that's good.
00:53:12.000 Yeah, it's just like they look over like, what the fuck? 1.00
00:53:14.000 What the fuck's going on over here? 1.00
00:53:16.000 Yeah, probably. 1.00
00:53:19.000 So you just decided to be a creep at this age?
00:53:21.000 Yeah, I don't know why I started.
00:53:23.000 I think it's because I saw somebody do it to somebody else once and I was like, that's hilarious.
00:53:29.000 That person just made that person laugh and then drove off and never to see that person again.
00:53:33.000 Have you ever been around the one guy who can't not hit on a chick?
00:53:37.000 You know that guy?
00:53:38.000 Who you're hanging out with him and you can't even hang out with him because they'll just abandon you for a chick. 1.00
00:53:43.000 Yeah.
00:53:44.000 I remember when I was in an apartment in Hollywood when I was like 21, 22, and had some friends come out, and one of the guys was that guy who just can't stop.
00:53:56.000 So when I went to bed, I had my bedroom, we had like three friends in the living room and one girl.
00:54:00.000 We had all gone to school together.
00:54:03.000 And I offered her, I was like, you can sleep in my bed, not in a creep way, but you can do that. 1.00
00:54:07.000 But like, I'll fuck you. 1.00
00:54:08.000 Like, I'm going to try, but I'm not going to make it like... 1.00
00:54:13.000 So, anyways, she was like, nah, I'm good.
00:54:15.000 I'll sleep out here.
00:54:16.000 And I was like, alright.
00:54:17.000 Like, you know, fine.
00:54:19.000 And then, like, five minutes later, I got, like, a knock on the door.
00:54:23.000 And I was like, what's up?
00:54:23.000 And she's there, and she was like, yeah, he just tried to lick my neck when I went to sleep.
00:54:28.000 And I was like, you want to sleep in here now?
00:54:30.000 She was like, yeah.
00:54:31.000 And I was like, okay, that's cool.
00:54:32.000 And I wasn't a creep, though. 1.00
00:54:34.000 You didn't try to fuck her? 1.00
00:54:35.000 Did you try to spoon her at all? 1.00
00:54:36.000 I think so.
00:54:37.000 Ooh, spooning's nice.
00:54:38.000 I think I got the, like, You got a SWAT? I think so.
00:54:40.000 She SWATed you like, get off me? 1.00
00:54:41.000 It definitely didn't happen.
00:54:42.000 Wow, she came for comfort and then you just...
00:54:44.000 No, I didn't molest her.
00:54:45.000 Did she cuddle with you at all?
00:54:47.000 No, I think it was very much like... 0.99
00:54:49.000 Because when somebody just is leaving, she was just leaving, that shit was really uncomfortable. 0.96
00:54:53.000 I wasn't going to be like, let me extend that feeling for you. 0.97
00:54:56.000 But you try to settle into a new level of comfort and then creep slowly towards the darkness.
00:55:01.000 Honestly, I can tell you this, man.
00:55:02.000 There's a lot of times when I was single that I didn't pursue that stuff because I was too tired.
00:55:08.000 Because you're too tired.
00:55:09.000 I would just go to sleep.
00:55:10.000 Why is that?
00:55:11.000 Why are you so tired?
00:55:12.000 No, I mean, like, when it was late at night, like, I was the...
00:55:14.000 And there's a hot chick with you. 1.00
00:55:16.000 I'd be like, yeah, I'm gonna go to sleep.
00:55:17.000 Whoa.
00:55:18.000 Yeah.
00:55:18.000 That's weird.
00:55:19.000 Yeah, but I mean, not like...
00:55:20.000 You ever got your thyroid checked out?
00:55:21.000 No, but I'm saying that alcohol, alcohol...
00:55:24.000 Oh, alcohol.
00:55:24.000 Yeah, your B12. Yeah, alcohol...
00:55:26.000 Not sober. 1.00
00:55:27.000 Yeah, there's nothing sadder than having a whiskey dick. 0.99
00:55:30.000 Friday, Saturday night, I'd be like, I'd make a totally potential college thing. 0.99
00:55:35.000 I'd be like, I think I'm going to go to sleep right now.
00:55:37.000 That sounds like the best thing.
00:55:39.000 I just got my thyroid checked.
00:55:41.000 I just got a physical using the same doctor as Tommy.
00:55:44.000 It's so funny.
00:55:45.000 Why don't you yeah that? 0.99
00:55:46.000 Because he's the fucking best doctor. 0.99
00:55:47.000 The doctor's awesome. 0.99
00:55:49.000 Oh, I thought you were yelling about Brian getting a physical.
00:55:51.000 No, no, no.
00:55:52.000 Yeah!
00:55:53.000 Yeah! 1.00
00:55:54.000 I love medical shit. 1.00
00:55:56.000 Did he check your asshole out? 1.00
00:55:57.000 Because he didn't... 1.00
00:55:57.000 He skipped my asshole. 1.00
00:55:58.000 I was like... 1.00
00:55:58.000 I mean, I cleaned it for hours, you know? 1.00
00:56:00.000 For hours?
00:56:01.000 Was it a toothbrush?
00:56:02.000 Huh? 1.00
00:56:02.000 No, I did one of those things that scratch your asshole. 1.00
00:56:06.000 Scratch it like a maxi pad? 1.00
00:56:07.000 No, those lupas.
00:56:09.000 A lufa sponge?
00:56:10.000 Really?
00:56:11.000 You lufa'd it?
00:56:12.000 Lufa'd. 1.00
00:56:12.000 I lufa'd my asshole. 1.00
00:56:13.000 I scratched it all up. 1.00
00:56:14.000 What about the inside?
00:56:15.000 That's the important part.
00:56:15.000 No, no, no.
00:56:16.000 I didn't do anything.
00:56:17.000 But I did test...
00:56:18.000 When I was in the shower, I was testing like, all right, this is what it's kind of going to be like... 1.00
00:56:22.000 No, you put a finger on your ass. 1.00
00:56:25.000 So what are they looking for? 1.00
00:56:27.000 Bumps?
00:56:28.000 Well, they didn't do it.
00:56:29.000 He didn't do it.
00:56:30.000 What are they reaching in?
00:56:31.000 Yeah, I think a bump. 1.00
00:56:33.000 See, I was most concerned about my asshole, too. 0.99
00:56:36.000 So I'm really kind of upset that he didn't. 0.99
00:56:38.000 Why were you most concerned about it?
00:56:39.000 Because I think that's where the most death would be from.
00:56:42.000 Most death? 1.00
00:56:43.000 Would be from asshole stuff. 1.00
00:56:45.000 But you smoked cigarettes. 1.00
00:56:46.000 Wouldn't you worry about lungs?
00:56:47.000 No, but I just...
00:56:48.000 You worry about your eyes. 0.99
00:56:49.000 I have weird ass issues. 0.99
00:56:51.000 Really? 0.99
00:56:52.000 We've talked about that. 0.91
00:56:52.000 But he did feel my balls up, which was weird. 0.91
00:56:56.000 He's just rolling them in his hand. 0.98
00:56:57.000 He goes, yep, that's fine. 0.98
00:56:58.000 Did you think that maybe if he jerked you off, you could come? 0.99
00:57:01.000 No, no. 1.00
00:57:02.000 My dick is so small when it gets checked, when I get the ball checked. 1.00
00:57:07.000 But I almost want to point it out. 0.99
00:57:08.000 I almost want to be like, every time I get a physical, I want to be like, you should see it some other time.
00:57:16.000 It's a little better than that. 0.99
00:57:17.000 When he checked my cock, he did the thing where he had to pull it out. 0.98
00:57:20.000 Kind of like one of those old hippie guitar strings where you hold the thing. 0.99
00:57:24.000 He pulled it out and looked at it.
00:57:26.000 Then he took all these blood tests.
00:57:28.000 He's testing me for everything.
00:57:30.000 Then he's like, so you want to do all STDs?
00:57:32.000 I'm like, yeah, might as well. 0.99
00:57:33.000 I'm dating a porn star. 0.99
00:57:34.000 He goes, oh, you are? 0.92
00:57:36.000 He goes, all right, we can do that.
00:57:37.000 Brian just offers it on me to talk to him. 0.98
00:57:39.000 Well, you know how it is when you're dating a porn star.
00:57:41.000 Well, he said, he's like, well, you should be fine because they get tested every 20 days.
00:57:46.000 And I'm like, yep, that's exactly a bit in my act.
00:57:48.000 And he's like, oh, you mooch off her test. 0.99
00:57:51.000 And I'm like, yep, exactly.
00:57:52.000 He's a funny doctor.
00:57:53.000 This guy's really good.
00:57:54.000 And he said, tell Tom, you know, start sending some hot chicks. 1.00
00:57:57.000 And I said...
00:57:59.000 And I said something really...
00:58:00.000 Let's not say his name on the air, because that might be a bit unethical.
00:58:03.000 No, but when we were in the waiting room, I just paid and everything like that, and I'm about to walk out, and he goes, well, it's good seeing you, Brian.
00:58:08.000 Tell Tom.
00:58:09.000 I said hi.
00:58:09.000 And I'm like, okay, I'm sorry I'm not hot for you, or something like that.
00:58:12.000 And it came out when everyone in the room was like, what the fuck? 0.99
00:58:15.000 And then I'm like, I'm sorry, I'm not pretty enough. 0.99
00:58:18.000 Never mind.
00:58:18.000 God, get out of here.
00:58:21.000 An old Brian moment at the doctor's.
00:58:23.000 That is hilarious.
00:58:24.000 Everybody in that room probably had no idea what was going on.
00:58:27.000 So what did he say about your lungs and cigarettes and stuff like that?
00:58:29.000 He said everything was perfect.
00:58:30.000 That was good.
00:58:31.000 Perfect.
00:58:31.000 Now they're doing the blood test.
00:58:32.000 I would like to second that evaluation.
00:58:34.000 What do they check when they check your lungs?
00:58:37.000 They make you...
00:58:37.000 For cancer and that's it?
00:58:38.000 They just make you do huge deep breaths while they listen all up and down your chest and your back.
00:58:46.000 How long does it take for you to die from cigarettes?
00:58:48.000 I don't know, man.
00:58:49.000 It really matters, I think, if you have cancer in your family, and I don't have cancer in my family.
00:58:54.000 Some people, like, genetically just don't get it?
00:58:55.000 I think so, man.
00:58:56.000 Yeah.
00:58:57.000 Well, there's always stories, right?
00:58:58.000 Oh, I know a friend's grandparents who lived into their 90s and smoked and drank and ate red meat, and they just died.
00:59:05.000 They didn't die of cancer.
00:59:06.000 They died of old age.
00:59:07.000 Well, they had a good time.
00:59:08.000 That's why they were smiling.
00:59:09.000 Yep.
00:59:10.000 I'm loving it, man.
00:59:11.000 Drinking every day.
00:59:12.000 There was something that I read once, I don't know if it's documented, but that 100% of all people that live to be over 100 eat red meat.
00:59:19.000 Really?
00:59:19.000 Yeah.
00:59:20.000 There's never been a documented case of a vegetarian that lives to be over 100. That could be total horseshit. 0.98
00:59:24.000 You fucking crazy vegans, don't you text me about this. 1.00
00:59:28.000 Don't you tweet me. 1.00
00:59:30.000 Vegans are the quickest to the fucking tweet. 1.00
00:59:33.000 The angry tweet. 1.00
00:59:34.000 The angry dietary tweet.
00:59:36.000 Yeah.
00:59:37.000 They are. 0.77
00:59:38.000 And they're quick as the diarrhea, too.
00:59:40.000 Quick as the diarrhea?
00:59:41.000 I think so.
00:59:42.000 A lot of fiber involved.
00:59:43.000 Yeah, yeah. 0.99
00:59:43.000 You're going to be really shitting with that vegan diet. 0.99
00:59:45.000 I love a fucking good vegan meal, though. 1.00
00:59:48.000 I love vegetable meals. 0.99
00:59:49.000 I drink that kale shake every day.
00:59:51.000 That's fantastic for you, man.
00:59:52.000 I have a kale salad a few times a week from a place nearby.
00:59:55.000 It's hard to get grass-fed meat these days, man.
00:59:58.000 Apparently all of it's getting consumed up in Northern California.
01:00:01.000 All the hippies up there love it.
01:00:03.000 Really?
01:00:03.000 Yeah, yeah.
01:00:04.000 All natural grass meat, yeah.
01:00:06.000 It's way better for you.
01:00:07.000 You just go to Whole Foods and you don't have it?
01:00:09.000 No, they're out of it a lot.
01:00:10.000 Yeah.
01:00:11.000 Because up north, look, there's only a certain amount of people that are growing grass-fed meat, and it's become super popular lately.
01:00:17.000 Wow.
01:00:17.000 So all these, you know, it's more popular in Berkeley and San Francisco, I'm sure, than down here in Retardville.
01:00:26.000 They can sell all their cows up there.
01:00:29.000 Why ship them all the way down to Los Angeles?
01:00:31.000 They're having an issue.
01:00:32.000 Last Tuesday, the Whole Foods near me didn't even get a ship in a grass-fed meat.
01:00:35.000 I have to go there on Tuesday to get the meat.
01:00:39.000 It's crazy.
01:00:40.000 That's the only time they have it.
01:00:40.000 You taste the difference?
01:00:41.000 Fuck yeah. 1.00
01:00:42.000 100%. 1.00
01:00:42.000 It's a totally different meat. 1.00
01:00:44.000 It's a totally different animal. 1.00
01:00:45.000 Because the cow that is raised on corn, they're fat fucks. 1.00
01:00:50.000 They're marbled and it's really delicious. 1.00
01:00:52.000 It's really, really fucking yummy. 0.96
01:00:55.000 Because all that fat gets like a ribeye from a corn. 0.98
01:00:58.000 Corn-raised cow is great because it's so juicy, but it's not quite as healthy for you.
01:01:03.000 And it doesn't taste the same.
01:01:05.000 When you get a grass-fed ribeye, there's much less marbling, and you've got to cook it quicker because it'll dry out.
01:01:11.000 There's much less fat in it.
01:01:13.000 So you sort of sear it.
01:01:15.000 You're getting a better piece you need, though. 0.99
01:01:17.000 God damn, it's good, though. 0.99
01:01:18.000 Woo! 0.99
01:01:19.000 It's totally different.
01:01:20.000 It's almost like a gamey animal.
01:01:22.000 Not gamey.
01:01:23.000 It tastes better.
01:01:28.000 It tastes like you're eating a healthy animal.
01:01:32.000 There's some steaks I've had where I'm like, oh man, you can feel your body kind of slowing down.
01:01:38.000 Grass-fed beef, though, is supposed to be way healthier for you, too.
01:01:42.000 It's something about the actual animal being healthy.
01:01:45.000 I know a lot of fighters have switched to grass-fed meat recently.
01:01:49.000 My buddy Einstein, who listens to this all the time, is one of Eddie's black belts, said his performance really started increasing when he upped his greens and unchanged to all grass-fed meat.
01:01:59.000 Really?
01:01:59.000 It's a big difference.
01:02:01.000 Yeah, it's just healthier.
01:02:02.000 It just makes sense that your body would respond better if you're eating healthier animals.
01:02:06.000 Yeah.
01:02:06.000 It does make sense.
01:02:07.000 We're fucking up, man. 0.99
01:02:09.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:02:09.000 We're fucking up our goddamn... 1.00
01:02:10.000 And eat your veggies and fruits. 1.00
01:02:11.000 We're fucking up our goddamn Monsanto fruits and vegetables. 1.00
01:02:15.000 It's crazy, man. 1.00
01:02:16.000 Fat-fucked cows and our farm-grown fish because all the fish in the ocean are dead. 0.95
01:02:21.000 Yeah, man.
01:02:22.000 You know, they said that the next hundred years is going to be the last wild fish in the world.
01:02:27.000 And within the next hundred years, there will be no more wild fish in the oceans.
01:02:31.000 What?
01:02:31.000 Yep.
01:02:32.000 We'll have outfished the entire ocean. 0.85
01:02:34.000 We use a melody company to also say that.
01:02:36.000 No, they think about it from an exponential growth point of view, that there'll be more people in 100 years.
01:02:42.000 Think about 100 years ago, there was only like a billion people on the planet.
01:02:45.000 Now there's 7 billion.
01:02:47.000 It's crazy.
01:02:48.000 What's it going to be 100 years from now?
01:02:49.000 Is it going to be 30 billion?
01:02:50.000 Where are they going to get all their protein from? 0.99
01:02:52.000 A lot of it's going to be fish.
01:02:53.000 It's easy to catch. 0.99
01:02:55.000 They're going to fucking just troll everything. 1.00
01:02:58.000 They're going to suck all that fucking fish out of there. 1.00
01:03:00.000 They're going to eat whales. 1.00
01:03:01.000 They're going to do everything they can eat.
01:03:03.000 Everything that humans can consume.
01:03:05.000 And then a hundred years from now, we're going to have to figure it out.
01:03:07.000 It'll just be an empty ocean.
01:03:08.000 That would be crazy.
01:03:09.000 That would be crazy.
01:03:10.000 Could you imagine if we actually kill everything in the ocean within a thousand years?
01:03:14.000 That'd be amazing.
01:03:15.000 If people lived to be a thousand years, why is that outside the realm of possibility?
01:03:18.000 Yeah.
01:03:19.000 There was something I tweeted earlier today about the garbage patch.
01:03:22.000 Some lady went to the garbage patch that's in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. 1.00
01:03:25.000 For folks who don't know, bigger than Texas.
01:03:27.000 There's a giant hunk of garbage, all plastic, that's kind of caught together in this one swarm.
01:03:34.000 It's caught up, I guess, in the way the tides go.
01:03:37.000 There's one area where it's collected, where it's enormous.
01:03:39.000 It's bigger than the state of Texas, which takes more than a day to drive through.
01:03:44.000 So that's how much garbage is out there. 0.96
01:03:46.000 And it's just getting bigger. 0.96
01:03:47.000 It's going to keep getting bigger.
01:03:49.000 Forever.
01:03:49.000 Yeah.
01:03:50.000 Is that a homeless person's heaven? 1.00
01:03:51.000 You think they all talk about it as if it's like Disney World?
01:03:54.000 Magic going there.
01:03:54.000 Magic going there.
01:03:56.000 You never only had a plastic.
01:03:58.000 I think the plastic breaks down though.
01:04:01.000 I think that's part of the issue is that the salt water breaks it down to like jelly, like little particles. 0.99
01:04:06.000 And it's really fucked. 0.96
01:04:08.000 It's not like just like stuff floating that you can scoop up. 0.99
01:04:10.000 Yeah.
01:04:11.000 It becomes like almost liquid.
01:04:12.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:04:13.000 It's fucked up, man. 0.99
01:04:14.000 It's like we're so creepy. 0.99
01:04:16.000 Yeah.
01:04:17.000 Think about what we do. 0.99
01:04:19.000 We kill all the rhinos, we fuck the ocean over, we eat all the fish, we throw all our garbage in it. 0.99
01:04:25.000 You would drive by trash, what are they called? 1.00
01:04:27.000 Trash plants?
01:04:28.000 Oh yeah, sure.
01:04:29.000 Landfills.
01:04:30.000 Landfills.
01:04:30.000 Yeah, and you see how they're at a higher altitude than the street level.
01:04:36.000 That's just going to keep growing. 0.75
01:04:38.000 That's going to be like a building of garbage.
01:04:40.000 It's like mountains, like hills.
01:04:42.000 Stanhope and I filmed the finale of the man show in a garbage dump.
01:04:47.000 Really?
01:04:48.000 Yeah, because the girls were trying to con us into taking them to an island. 1.00
01:04:51.000 There was two of the girls that were in the old man show, and we didn't get along with them so well.
01:04:55.000 And they were like, Adam and Jimmy used to take us to the Bahamas.
01:04:59.000 We should do that.
01:05:00.000 You should take us to the Bahamas.
01:05:01.000 We'll film the final scene there.
01:05:02.000 And then we thought about it, and Doug and I were like, we should do it at a garbage shop.
01:05:06.000 And I was like, well, you think about it, man.
01:05:08.000 I wanted to do it in a garbage dump in New Jersey. 0.99
01:05:10.000 I wanted to do it in the stinkiest, grossest dump. 1.00
01:05:12.000 I said, you know, if you're at home and you're watching us, these two assholes, hang out with girls who never fuck you in a place where you can never afford to go to, well, how's that fun for you? 1.00
01:05:24.000 I go, it would be much more fun for you to watch us in a dump. 1.00
01:05:26.000 Sure.
01:05:27.000 It's so much funnier, too.
01:05:29.000 Yeah, that's what I felt like.
01:05:30.000 They were so mad at us.
01:05:32.000 It was gross.
01:05:33.000 In their defense, it was gross.
01:05:34.000 It's really funny that they asked for it, though, first.
01:05:36.000 They were like, what's up with the Bahamas?
01:05:37.000 Yeah, they wanted to go. 0.99
01:05:39.000 Garbage dump. 0.99
01:05:39.000 Well, you know, I don't blame them, man. 0.99
01:05:42.000 That culture, the hot chick culture of asking for things, and they would rub the writers' shoulders, and You're going to put us in a scene? 0.97
01:05:50.000 You know, that kind of thing.
01:05:51.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:05:51.000 That's gross shit, though. 1.00
01:05:52.000 Yeah, well, that was the culture of it. 1.00
01:05:54.000 Yeah.
01:05:55.000 There was a lot of grossness going on.
01:05:57.000 Sure. 0.96
01:05:57.000 None of it was as gross as that garbage dump. 0.96
01:05:59.000 We made up for all of it. 1.00
01:06:00.000 That shit was fucking foul. 1.00
01:06:01.000 It's so bad. 1.00
01:06:02.000 We were eating lunch and there's fucking garbage dust floating in the air. 0.99
01:06:05.000 Yeah. 0.99
01:06:07.000 It was on Catalina. 0.77
01:06:08.000 Catalina has a giant garbage dump. 0.99
01:06:09.000 Do they really? 1.00
01:06:10.000 Yep.
01:06:10.000 Enormous.
01:06:11.000 That's kind of a trip to that whole...
01:06:12.000 It's a bummer, man.
01:06:13.000 That whole society there. 0.99
01:06:14.000 I think a lot of our garbage goes out there. 1.00
01:06:17.000 That sucks. 1.00
01:06:18.000 Yeah, it does suck. 0.99
01:06:20.000 Catalina, for folks who don't know, is an island outside of the coast of Los Angeles. 0.94
01:06:24.000 Yeah, 14 miles off the coast.
01:06:26.000 14?
01:06:26.000 I've never gone in.
01:06:27.000 Do you recommend it?
01:06:28.000 It's pretty dope.
01:06:29.000 Yeah, it's cool, man.
01:06:29.000 There's no cars driving around.
01:06:31.000 Just golf carts and shit. 0.99
01:06:32.000 Yeah, it's weird. 0.94
01:06:33.000 It's big enough that you could actually live there, though.
01:06:35.000 You can go on a ferry or a helicopter.
01:06:37.000 Yeah.
01:06:37.000 I took the helicopter.
01:06:38.000 Really?
01:06:39.000 Maybe that's where we should put our compound.
01:06:40.000 The next year, that helicopter company crashed.
01:06:43.000 Really?
01:06:44.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:06:44.000 Fuck helicopters. 1.00
01:06:46.000 And somebody died? 1.00
01:06:47.000 Yeah.
01:06:48.000 Jesus. 1.00
01:06:48.000 Fuck helicopters. 1.00
01:06:49.000 It would have been you though, right? 1.00
01:06:50.000 Nah.
01:06:51.000 Nah.
01:06:51.000 Not me, man.
01:06:52.000 You can't stop me.
01:06:53.000 No, but you can't hold me down.
01:06:54.000 Y'all can't see me.
01:06:55.000 Not me, bro.
01:06:56.000 I'll tell you what, man. 1.00
01:06:57.000 Fuck that helicopter. 1.00
01:06:58.000 Fuck that shit. 1.00
01:06:58.000 I'll grab that fucking propeller with my hand and I'll spin it myself. 1.00
01:07:03.000 Plus, I got heart. 0.99
01:07:04.000 I got a lot of heart you can't measure. 1.00
01:07:06.000 You can't fuck with my heart, bro. 1.00
01:07:07.000 It ain't the size of the dog in the fight. 1.00
01:07:09.000 It's the size of the fight in the dog.
01:07:10.000 That's what it is.
01:07:11.000 This dog can hunt.
01:07:13.000 Would you live in Catalina?
01:07:15.000 What if we got a giant piece of land in Catalina and that's where we set up our compound?
01:07:18.000 I'd have to check it out first because I don't like not having Best Buys and things like that.
01:07:23.000 It's totally true.
01:07:24.000 We should seriously look into a good place where we can all move.
01:07:28.000 Just everybody.
01:07:29.000 Outside of LA but close enough, we'll just get a giant chunk of land, get a few hundred acres.
01:07:33.000 Yeah.
01:07:34.000 All of us build houses there.
01:07:36.000 Do you know how dope that would be if we could have our own M. Night Shyamalama ding-dongs in the village?
01:07:40.000 That'd be awesome.
01:07:41.000 Can we have a lake?
01:07:41.000 I like lakes.
01:07:42.000 Yes!
01:07:43.000 How cool would it be, for real, if we all, we got everyone that we know that's cool, and we decided we're all going to invest in some property and build houses there.
01:07:51.000 Yeah, and all your friends live in the neighborhood.
01:07:53.000 It'd be fucking awesome. 0.77
01:07:54.000 If you lived down the street and Kreischer was there, and you could hear Eddie Bravo lived up the hill. 0.97
01:08:01.000 That was a bear window.
01:08:02.000 Brian lived down the hill, and Duncan lived over there, and Ari lives over there. 0.94
01:08:06.000 That would be fucking awesome. 0.99
01:08:09.000 That's how fucking cults get started, though. 0.99
01:08:11.000 That's what happens. 0.99
01:08:12.000 Yeah, and that would actually be the most fun.
01:08:13.000 We talk about it, Christina and I, because she also loves Bert's wife.
01:08:18.000 Really?
01:08:19.000 In what way?
01:08:19.000 In that way?
01:08:20.000 You know what's up.
01:08:22.000 It's Valentine's Day.
01:08:23.000 What? 0.99
01:08:26.000 By the way, I just realized I'm doing a fucking 420 show. 0.99
01:08:29.000 I'm doing a 420 show in Atlanta. 0.99
01:08:33.000 Where's that place I'm doing it, Brian?
01:08:34.000 Is it on my Twitter thing?
01:08:36.000 It just says LandJar on your Twitter.
01:08:38.000 It doesn't want to pull up on my laptop.
01:08:40.000 It looks weird, man, when I try looking at...
01:08:43.000 What are you doing on 420?
01:08:44.000 Yeah, I'm doing some...
01:08:46.000 Nice! 0.94
01:08:47.000 I'm doing someplace in Atlanta.
01:08:49.000 Some high times?
01:08:50.000 420, though.
01:08:51.000 It's 420. That'd be awesome.
01:08:52.000 I've never done a 420 show on purpose.
01:08:53.000 It's called the Tabernacle? 1.00
01:08:57.000 Tabernacle, you fucking idiot. 1.00
01:08:58.000 I did one. 1.00
01:08:58.000 Jesus Christ! 1.00
01:08:59.000 Jesus Christ!
01:09:00.000 It's called the Tabernacle. 1.00
01:09:04.000 You fucking silly goose. 1.00
01:09:08.000 You are a silly goose. 1.00
01:09:09.000 You might be the silliest goose of all gooses. 1.00
01:09:12.000 Tabernacle. 1.00
01:09:12.000 Yeah, but that's on 420. I want to do my special there, but I don't know if I have enough time. 1.00
01:09:18.000 But it would be the place to do it because the Atlanta fucking crowds are awesome. 0.97
01:09:24.000 Awesome. 0.98
01:09:24.000 By the way, one of the most underrated cities in the country. 0.98
01:09:26.000 For sure.
01:09:27.000 And they have a great comedy community.
01:09:29.000 They do.
01:09:29.000 Yeah, the Punchline Atlanta has a great community.
01:09:32.000 I love the Laughing Skull.
01:09:34.000 I haven't been.
01:09:34.000 I heard that's great, too.
01:09:36.000 I heard that's great, too.
01:09:36.000 Laughing Skull is at the Vortex.
01:09:38.000 I think that's in Midtown.
01:09:40.000 And that's like, it's seat 74, 75. So it's like the Ice House.
01:09:45.000 It's like the second stage.
01:09:46.000 Yeah.
01:09:47.000 Yes.
01:09:47.000 Dude.
01:09:48.000 And that is a great, it's one of my favorite clubs to play.
01:09:51.000 Are we doing the Ice House Friday?
01:09:52.000 Mm-hmm.
01:09:52.000 Yeah, by the way, folks, we try to do the Ice House whenever I'm in town.
01:09:55.000 March is going to be the shit. 0.97
01:09:57.000 We're going to do a gang of them in March because I'm home a lot in March. 0.99
01:10:01.000 Me too. 0.98
01:10:01.000 We're going to have a lot of fucking Ice House shows. 0.98
01:10:03.000 We're going to do a lot of full weekends, Friday and Saturdays, whenever we can. 0.97
01:10:07.000 But Tommy Buns will be involved in this.
01:10:10.000 Yeah, man. 1.00
01:10:11.000 Fuck yeah. 1.00
01:10:12.000 Next week, I'm actually recording my new album. 1.00
01:10:15.000 Oh, that's right! 0.92
01:10:17.000 And you're going to be doing it at the Comedy Works in Denver, which is one of the greatest clubs in the history of the fucking moon universe. 0.94
01:10:21.000 There's two clubs. 0.58
01:10:22.000 I'm doing the South Club.
01:10:23.000 That's great also.
01:10:24.000 Yes.
01:10:24.000 That's awesome, too.
01:10:26.000 That's a bigger place.
01:10:27.000 We have a balcony.
01:10:28.000 Yeah, they do.
01:10:29.000 If you are in Denver...
01:10:31.000 I hid weed there, too.
01:10:32.000 When is it?
01:10:33.000 December 24th?
01:10:33.000 Yeah, we hid weed somewhere in that place.
01:10:35.000 Oh, really?
01:10:36.000 Yes.
01:10:36.000 Look, guys.
01:10:37.000 We're going to find it next time we go back.
01:10:38.000 Come to my show and look for the weed. 0.90
01:10:40.000 And where...
01:10:40.000 Did I say December?
01:10:43.000 Yeah, you did.
01:10:44.000 Oh, wow.
01:10:45.000 It's not December, guys.
01:10:46.000 Summertime!
01:10:46.000 It is this month, which is February, right?
01:10:49.000 February.
01:10:49.000 And it's Friday the 24th and Saturday the 25th.
01:10:54.000 Okay, beautiful.
01:10:55.000 I'm recording a new album at the Comedy Works South.
01:10:59.000 I tweeted a link if you go to...
01:11:01.000 Tom Segura, S-E-G-U-R-A. Yeah, you gotta go.
01:11:04.000 Come out, it'll be fucking so much fun. 0.94
01:11:06.000 If you've never seen Tommy, he's way funnier as a stand-up than he is talking on a podcast. 0.97
01:11:11.000 Don't be...
01:11:12.000 Don't be confused.
01:11:13.000 You go, wow, he's kind of monotone.
01:11:15.000 He's kind of sexy.
01:11:16.000 Yeah.
01:11:17.000 I find his voice sexy.
01:11:18.000 Yeah.
01:11:18.000 Hey, you told me...
01:11:19.000 So anyway, folks, 24th, 25th, 26th?
01:11:23.000 No, just 24th, 25th.
01:11:24.000 I mean, I'm there 23rd to 25th, but the recording is the 24th and 25th.
01:11:27.000 Who's putting out your CD? Well, that's actually one of the things I'm actually thinking of doing it myself.
01:11:32.000 Do it.
01:11:32.000 Do it yourself.
01:11:33.000 We'll pump the shit out of it up here. 0.99
01:11:34.000 That's what I want to do. 0.98
01:11:34.000 Folks, for real, Tommy's hilarious. 0.98
01:11:36.000 You know, Tom and I met a long time ago when I was doing the Maxim tour with Charlie Murphy and John Heffron.
01:11:41.000 And what we'd do is we'd go to these different places and they would have like a local guy open up for us.
01:11:45.000 Everyone that opened up for us was really funny.
01:11:47.000 It was really good like local talent because it was the Maxim Bud Light comedy tour and they really did a good job of casting the local guys.
01:11:54.000 But when we did Phoenix, Tommy wasn't even local, just somehow or another he got involved in this. 0.99
01:11:59.000 And he was one of those guys where he went up and I went, holy shit, I go, this guy is fucking funny. 0.90
01:12:05.000 And it was dark and it was really well written and We became besties. 0.99
01:12:09.000 Yeah, we became besties, man.
01:12:11.000 Ever since then.
01:12:12.000 That was fun. 1.00
01:12:12.000 And that's actually the thing I was telling you is that every time I've opened for you since then, your crowds are always the shit. 1.00
01:12:20.000 They're awesome. 0.98
01:12:21.000 So that's why I'm totally pleading to...
01:12:24.000 The Joe Rogan fans, come out.
01:12:27.000 You guys are always an amazing audience.
01:12:30.000 Colorado's my place.
01:12:31.000 Everybody knows that. 0.99
01:12:32.000 I fucking love Colorado. 1.00
01:12:34.000 If I could convince my fucking crazy wife, eventually I will be back in Colorado. 1.00
01:12:38.000 Colorado's the shit. 1.00
01:12:39.000 That place calls me. 1.00
01:12:40.000 I'll be back.
01:12:41.000 That club, Wendy, is awesome. 0.85
01:12:43.000 She's my favorite club owner in the history of club owners. 1.00
01:12:45.000 She's the shit. 1.00
01:12:46.000 She is awesome. 1.00
01:12:47.000 She owns and runs both of them. 0.96
01:12:49.000 She's just a badass woman. 1.00
01:12:51.000 Cool as fuck. 0.98
01:12:52.000 Real fan of comedy. 1.00
01:12:54.000 A real friend of comedy.
01:12:55.000 She has an open mic program that's better than anybody's in the country or anybody's I've ever been involved with ever in my whole time in comedy.
01:13:02.000 When you do Comedy Works, you'll work with different people through the weekend, right?
01:13:09.000 Different people in each show.
01:13:11.000 And all their local guys that will open for you are all headliners.
01:13:15.000 Yeah, they're great.
01:13:16.000 You have just headliners opening for you.
01:13:17.000 They're great.
01:13:18.000 They're great. 1.00
01:13:18.000 The whole show is fucking dope. 1.00
01:13:20.000 She takes care of guys. 1.00
01:13:21.000 She pays them well.
01:13:22.000 Her food is great, especially in South.
01:13:24.000 South, she has a gourmet restaurant there.
01:13:26.000 Oh, Jesus. 0.99
01:13:27.000 It's fucking phenomenal. 0.98
01:13:28.000 It's really good. 1.00
01:13:28.000 Goddamn, I love Colorado. 1.00
01:13:30.000 It's snowing as fuck there, though. 1.00
01:13:31.000 80 degrees here. 1.00
01:13:32.000 Suck it! 1.00
01:13:34.000 Suck it! 1.00
01:13:35.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:13:35.000 But snow is awesome when you don't have to go anywhere. 1.00
01:13:38.000 Remember those times when you go out your back porch and you just fucking hear nothing?
01:13:42.000 Yeah. 0.91
01:13:42.000 Because it's snowing. 0.91
01:13:43.000 The way sound just gets absorbed in snow.
01:13:45.000 Yeah.
01:13:46.000 I love that snow. 0.99
01:13:47.000 It's some great fucking times, man. 0.99
01:13:48.000 I just don't want to live in it, but I do like visiting snow. 0.99
01:13:51.000 I like visiting it, too.
01:13:52.000 I would like to get a house somewhere where it's cold, you know, where I could visit on occasion.
01:13:55.000 And, you know, I just have to get some more baller money. 0.99
01:13:58.000 But now I'm fucked because it looks like Fear Factor's gonna fucking bite it. 0.99
01:14:01.000 What? 1.00
01:14:01.000 Why? 1.00
01:14:01.000 Looks like it's over. 1.00
01:14:02.000 Really?
01:14:03.000 I thought it was, like, some of the best ratings NBC has.
01:14:06.000 Huge ratings.
01:14:07.000 Huge ratings.
01:14:07.000 You just dropped that much down?
01:14:08.000 Well, there's a bunch of issues.
01:14:10.000 I think one of the issues is, let's be honest, it's a bit low, bro.
01:14:15.000 And NBC is trying to have quality programming like The Office.
01:14:19.000 Are you serious?
01:14:20.000 I think so.
01:14:20.000 Yeah, I think there's issues.
01:14:21.000 Even if the numbers aren't great?
01:14:23.000 Yeah, they haven't decided yet.
01:14:24.000 Look, they've got a point, man.
01:14:25.000 I see what you're trying to do.
01:14:27.000 No hating.
01:14:28.000 I love doing it just because I love the guys that I work with.
01:14:31.000 I love David Hurwitz and Matt Kunitz and Rupert and all the people that are...
01:14:35.000 That doesn't make sense at all.
01:14:36.000 Rupert Thompson, the director... 0.64
01:14:37.000 All the people that I worked with were really fucking awesome people.
01:14:40.000 They're really fun to be around. 0.79
01:14:42.000 It's like a family.
01:14:43.000 And I miss them, you know, the five years that I didn't work with them.
01:14:46.000 And then I'm working with them again for this really short season.
01:14:48.000 It was really fun.
01:14:49.000 But it's not my favorite thing to do.
01:14:51.000 I'm good at it.
01:14:52.000 I've been doing it for a long time.
01:14:53.000 I know how to host a game show, but I prefer doing stand-up and working for the UFC in this. 1.00
01:14:59.000 They should move that show to HBO, have nudity, like you're eating fucking fish from girls' vaginas. 1.00
01:15:04.000 Nah, I think it's over. 1.00
01:15:06.000 And, you know, the other thing was, like, I was telling them that the donkey loads were too much.
01:15:11.000 I was like, you can't do this.
01:15:13.000 We can't do this.
01:15:13.000 Like, NBC approved it.
01:15:14.000 NBC approved it.
01:15:15.000 And I was like, just because they approved it doesn't mean you should be doing this.
01:15:18.000 Like, seriously.
01:15:18.000 Really?
01:15:18.000 You could see that?
01:15:19.000 When I'm the voice of reason, when I'm the one who's telling you we're going too far.
01:15:24.000 That's it, yeah.
01:15:25.000 Like, what is happening here?
01:15:26.000 It's just, they got a little crazy.
01:15:27.000 They wanted to have an awesome show.
01:15:29.000 Yeah.
01:15:30.000 Whatever.
01:15:31.000 It was a fun thing while it lasted.
01:15:33.000 And I honestly believe that these new episodes were better than any of the ones we ever did before.
01:15:37.000 I enjoyed it.
01:15:38.000 I don't see anything wrong with it.
01:15:40.000 I think it's silly that NBC wouldn't do that because all their other shows are hurt and bad. 0.99
01:15:43.000 They suck. 0.98
01:15:44.000 That Whitney show has got horrible ratings. 1.00
01:15:47.000 I watched it the other day.
01:15:48.000 It was not good.
01:15:49.000 But it's hard.
01:15:51.000 It's hard to do a good sitcom.
01:15:52.000 It's hard to do it right.
01:15:53.000 I heard she's a funny stand-up.
01:15:54.000 I've never seen her perform before.
01:15:56.000 But I heard that Chris DeLee is a funny comic as well.
01:15:59.000 He's buddies with Brian.
01:16:01.000 I've never seen him perform as well.
01:16:02.000 So how is it that they can have two really funny people and not have a funny show?
01:16:06.000 A lot of times it's just too many cooks in the kitchen.
01:16:08.000 A lot of times they're trying to accomplish something.
01:16:10.000 They're trying to get a vibe going.
01:16:11.000 They're trying to find their footing.
01:16:13.000 They believe in it, though, because they renewed it.
01:16:15.000 They renewed it for another season.
01:16:16.000 Oh, did they?
01:16:17.000 They're both funny people.
01:16:18.000 They both are funny people.
01:16:19.000 Well, it takes a while, man.
01:16:20.000 I really enjoyed my time on news radio, but I got a real deep respect for the craft of creating a television show.
01:16:27.000 And that's one of the reasons why I never did it again.
01:16:30.000 One of the reasons why I never did it again was, first of all, I knew that the guys that I was working with were incredibly talented.
01:16:35.000 And it's such...
01:16:36.000 Paul Sims, the executive producer, was such an interesting and intelligent guy, and his sensibilities were so out there.
01:16:42.000 I knew that after working with him, it was going to be really hard to do another sort of sitcom, a real mainstream, even if it's a successful one. 0.97
01:16:50.000 It's hard to do crap. 0.57
01:16:52.000 You realize how much writing is everything. 0.99
01:16:56.000 Everything.
01:16:57.000 It's everything. 0.99
01:16:57.000 You see these shows that are so good and you're like, holy shit. 0.99
01:16:59.000 I shouldn't say it's everything because good writing with shit delivery and shit comics and shit actors is not good either. 0.99
01:17:06.000 But it's a huge part of the problem. 0.99
01:17:08.000 It is.
01:17:08.000 Part of the equation, rather.
01:17:09.000 And you need real eccentrics to write.
01:17:12.000 I mean, one of the things that these guys were...
01:17:14.000 There's a couple of them that were stand-ups that were on the staff. 0.89
01:17:19.000 But for the most part, they were just really bright, silly guys who knew how to put together something funny. 0.99
01:17:25.000 It's fucking... 0.99
01:17:26.000 For every Matt Stone and Trey Parker, there's a hundred pretenders. 1.00
01:17:30.000 At least.
01:17:32.000 At least.
01:17:33.000 Many more. 0.99
01:17:33.000 You can get caught on one of those sitcoms where you're reading the script and you're like, what the fuck am I doing, man? 0.99
01:17:39.000 Yeah. 0.99
01:17:40.000 Ugh! 0.97
01:17:41.000 There's those intangibles too, like a show airs and sometimes it just gets legs.
01:17:44.000 People are drawn to it, you know?
01:17:45.000 And then sometimes you feel like everything's right, like we got the right scripts are great, we got great actors.
01:17:51.000 Every now and then.
01:17:52.000 People don't respond to it, man.
01:17:53.000 Yeah, I mean, a lot of times it's who's the production company and what kind of pull they have with the network and where they decide to put the show.
01:17:59.000 But I would definitely do another acting gig.
01:18:02.000 I really enjoyed doing that movie with Kevin James, the Zookeeper movie.
01:18:06.000 That was a lot of fun.
01:18:07.000 But it was mostly fun because Kevin and I have been friends since we were really young and to do a movie, even though it was a silly kids movie.
01:18:13.000 Yeah, it was fun.
01:18:13.000 It's fun to act.
01:18:15.000 It was fun to do the thing with Leslie Bibb and the chick from Talladega Nights.
01:18:19.000 I was like, this is kind of crazy.
01:18:20.000 I'm acting with a girl from Talladega Nights.
01:18:21.000 and I hadn't done any acting in fucking 10 years yeah so it was weird that was fun I I would totally do something like that.
01:18:28.000 I would totally do a sitcom or something fun acting again, but for the most part, one of the weirdest things about being a comic is that everybody wants to put you into some acting situation where you're going to do something that's not nearly as funny as your act.
01:18:40.000 That's true.
01:18:41.000 Yeah, or you can see it when you audition.
01:18:44.000 You ever punch it up, or you change it, you'll add something, and you'll be like, that was really funny.
01:18:48.000 And you're like, well, yeah, I kind of have to do this a lot.
01:18:51.000 Yeah, sometimes.
01:18:53.000 Sometimes they get mad.
01:18:55.000 Oh, I got yelled at one time, too.
01:18:56.000 What'd they say?
01:18:57.000 The guy laughed, and then we did it again, and he was like, that's just rude, man.
01:19:02.000 And I was like, what?
01:19:04.000 He was like, that's rude.
01:19:05.000 And he meant it was rude that I tagged the line.
01:19:09.000 I made up a line.
01:19:10.000 Whoa.
01:19:11.000 And he laughed the first time, and then he was like, it's really rude.
01:19:13.000 You need to drop that.
01:19:14.000 And I was like.
01:19:14.000 Whoa.
01:19:15.000 What? 1.00
01:19:16.000 Fuck him. 1.00
01:19:16.000 He fucked me up so badly. 1.00
01:19:18.000 Then we did the third take and I was like, yeah, okay. 0.99
01:19:20.000 I didn't even move my face.
01:19:21.000 What? 1.00
01:19:22.000 A weak bitch. 1.00
01:19:23.000 Yeah, and I was like, you just laughed at it, man. 1.00
01:19:25.000 Everybody laughed at it.
01:19:26.000 That's 100% ego right there.
01:19:27.000 Yeah.
01:19:28.000 He wasn't even the...
01:19:30.000 He was just a casting guy.
01:19:31.000 He wasn't a director or the producer on it.
01:19:33.000 He was just like... 1.00
01:19:34.000 Well, he's trying to fuck you then. 1.00
01:19:36.000 You know, whatever it was. 1.00
01:19:37.000 Saying it's rude. 1.00
01:19:38.000 He's an idiot. 1.00
01:19:39.000 That was one of the coolest things about news radio is that Paul Simms would let us make up entire scenes. 1.00
01:19:43.000 If a scene didn't work, Dave Foley was like the secret producer.
01:19:46.000 On the set, he would just rewrite a scene.
01:19:47.000 Really?
01:19:48.000 He would completely do it differently.
01:19:49.000 Dave Foley's a genius.
01:19:50.000 His ability to see scenes and see jokes and see his sketch background from Kids in the Hall.
01:19:58.000 He created a lot of sketches.
01:19:59.000 He's a great writer.
01:20:00.000 Awesome.
01:20:00.000 He got off track with his life and had a lot of hard times.
01:20:03.000 We had him on the podcast once talk about it.
01:20:05.000 It's a fascinating, fascinating story of caution, a cautionary tale of what could happen if you're involved in a terrible relationship and it goes wrong and you have a spiteful ex-wife.
01:20:15.000 Poor guy, man.
01:20:16.000 It's really horrendous.
01:20:17.000 And that led to all sorts of other issues as well.
01:20:20.000 But as a writer and as a guy, as a comedian, he's a genius.
01:20:25.000 Just a talented guy.
01:20:25.000 Brilliant.
01:20:26.000 Just a brilliant, really interesting, funny guy.
01:20:29.000 Really smart guy.
01:20:30.000 We should get him back on.
01:20:31.000 He was great.
01:20:31.000 Yeah, I'd love to have him back on to help his comedy because I haven't heard anything about him.
01:20:34.000 Have you heard him?
01:20:35.000 I saw him driving one day, and that's the last I saw him.
01:20:38.000 That's a sad driver.
01:20:39.000 Well, I know that he had some setbacks.
01:20:41.000 I mean, he can't go to Canada at all.
01:20:43.000 If he goes to Canada, they'll arrest him now.
01:20:45.000 That's crazy.
01:20:46.000 Yeah, he owes some crazy amount of money.
01:20:47.000 Then he had a show that took off for a little while.
01:20:52.000 The pilot got picked up, then it got canceled.
01:20:55.000 Oh, yeah.
01:20:56.000 Yeah, I think I saw that.
01:20:57.000 I saw a commercial for it. 0.99
01:20:58.000 It's a hard fucking world, dude. 0.99
01:21:00.000 It is, dude. 0.99
01:21:01.000 The world of trying to create a sitcom is not fun.
01:21:03.000 No.
01:21:04.000 And the odds of you...
01:21:06.000 And there's so many people out there trying to do it.
01:21:08.000 Yeah, I've written a couple.
01:21:09.000 Have you?
01:21:10.000 I've written a couple scripts, yeah.
01:21:11.000 Pilots.
01:21:12.000 Yeah.
01:21:12.000 And it's like...
01:21:13.000 I don't know.
01:21:14.000 The other thing is...
01:21:14.000 It comes naturally.
01:21:15.000 It's brain. 0.68
01:21:16.000 You're just pulling your hair out and then you rewrite it so many times and then some reason they're like, yeah.
01:21:21.000 You need to make some more changes. 0.94
01:21:22.000 You're like, I've already written it fucking 40 times.
01:21:24.000 Well, not only that, by the way, they will never let you create your own show. 0.97
01:21:27.000 Right.
01:21:27.000 Because if you create your own show, you own the show.
01:21:29.000 And if you own the show, that's fucking billions. 0.97
01:21:31.000 They have that thing locked down. 0.97
01:21:33.000 The only people who can own shows and be showrunners and be executives, those people are already deep, deep, deep in the business.
01:21:40.000 There's very little room for some new guy who creates his own show.
01:21:44.000 You have to be paired up with some dude who's already...
01:21:48.000 They know what's at stake there.
01:21:50.000 You're not doing your own thing.
01:21:51.000 Yeah, you can't just come to them independently and say, Hey, NBC, my name's Tom Segura.
01:21:55.000 Me and my buddy, we wrote a sitcom.
01:21:56.000 I'm going to be the creator and executive producer, and he's going to be the director.
01:21:59.000 Is that cool with you?
01:22:00.000 Yeah, you guys are creative.
01:22:01.000 Come on in.
01:22:02.000 No way, because that's a money train.
01:22:03.000 They're giving you a free ticket on the money train.
01:22:06.000 You get some Roseanne-style syndication money or Seinfeld syndication money.
01:22:09.000 They know what's involved in that in a successful show.
01:22:12.000 So they got that situation all locked up. 0.99
01:22:14.000 That's one of the reasons why so many of those shows suck. 0.98
01:22:17.000 They got the same dudes feeding people the same slop. 0.97
01:22:20.000 If you look at the showrunners of certain hit shows, there's like two and a half men.
01:22:26.000 That dude does a gang of them.
01:22:27.000 The one that Charlie Sheen was brawling with. 1.00
01:22:29.000 That guy does the fucking Big Bang. 1.00
01:22:33.000 Yeah, he's a fucking fool. 1.00
01:22:35.000 Mike and Molly. 1.00
01:22:36.000 That's his too.
01:22:37.000 Imagine what that guy makes. 0.89
01:22:39.000 Ridiculous money. 0.73
01:22:40.000 Yeah, he's got it locked up. 0.99
01:22:41.000 Wow.
01:22:42.000 Yeah.
01:22:42.000 Yeah.
01:22:43.000 That dude owns hits.
01:22:45.000 Television hits.
01:22:46.000 Wouldn't you have loved to see the arguments with him and Charlie Sheen on DVD? Wouldn't it be great if somebody filmed them?
01:22:51.000 If somebody on the Two and a Half Men set filmed some of the arguments?
01:22:54.000 I'm sure they have that. 1.00
01:22:55.000 Fuck. 1.00
01:22:56.000 I wish I would love to see that. 1.00
01:22:57.000 We just have to wait until they all die. 0.99
01:23:00.000 Egos, man. 0.99
01:23:01.000 I think that's the guy who also got...
01:23:04.000 Do you remember Brett Butler?
01:23:06.000 Do you remember her?
01:23:07.000 Do you remember when she was a big TV star?
01:23:10.000 She had that show.
01:23:11.000 Yeah, she had a show.
01:23:11.000 What was the show?
01:23:13.000 But I remember her. 0.99
01:23:14.000 What the fuck was that show? 1.00
01:23:16.000 God damn it. 1.00
01:23:17.000 Was it a Brett Butler show? 0.99
01:23:18.000 No, no, no, no, no.
01:23:20.000 Raging something.
01:23:21.000 Something.
01:23:23.000 Caroline...
01:23:26.000 No. 1.00
01:23:27.000 Fuck, man. 1.00
01:23:28.000 Grace Under Fire. 1.00
01:23:29.000 Grace Under Fire.
01:23:29.000 Yeah.
01:23:29.000 Grace Under Fire.
01:23:30.000 Well, she was like, she was, you know, she was fucking big time, man. 0.99
01:23:35.000 You know, she was the star of a sitcom. 1.00
01:23:37.000 Yeah. 0.99
01:23:37.000 And she apparently just got crazy ego bullshit went through. 0.99
01:23:42.000 And she threw a soda in his face and said, if you fuck your wife the same way you write, no wonder why she left you. 1.00
01:23:52.000 Whoa! 1.00
01:23:53.000 Yeah, and that was it. 1.00
01:23:54.000 They pulled the plug on that bitch. 1.00
01:23:56.000 Now she's homeless. 1.00
01:23:57.000 Yeah, now she's vanished off the face of the earth. 0.94
01:24:00.000 I mean, she was an enormous star, dude.
01:24:02.000 She was enormous, man.
01:24:03.000 And she was also an enormous star as a stand-up comedian.
01:24:06.000 She was really charismatic.
01:24:08.000 Have you seen the homeless picture of her?
01:24:09.000 She was on an interview the other day.
01:24:11.000 For real homeless?
01:24:12.000 Yeah, for real homeless.
01:24:13.000 They interviewed her, and she looks like she hit a wall. 0.63
01:24:17.000 Dude, pull that up. 1.00
01:24:18.000 I want to see this video.
01:24:20.000 Yeah.
01:24:20.000 It says the Golden Globe-nominated actress who struggled with drug addiction went broke after 1993 to 1998 sitcom ended its run on ABC. Oh my god, she looks crazy.
01:24:32.000 Brett Butler, two Ts, one T in Butler.
01:24:36.000 Oh my god, the actress... 1.00
01:24:39.000 A Golden Globe nominee for a role in the 1993-1998 comedy series struggled with substance abuse while starring on the show, which was in the top ten for two seasons.
01:24:49.000 The Chuck Lorre created show was canceled in 1998 after she was asked to leave the set because of her drug use. 0.99
01:24:56.000 Yeah, she threw a drink in his face. 0.98
01:24:58.000 My friend was working on the set. 1.00
01:25:00.000 He also worked on one of the shows that I worked on, on news radio, and he said, you know, he said in her accent, you fuck your wife, same way you write. 1.00
01:25:10.000 The biggest hits of the 90s. 0.99
01:25:11.000 But whatever happened to the star, Brett Butler?
01:25:14.000 Sadly, we have found out she is living in a homeless shelter.
01:25:17.000 And tonight she tells me what it is like to hit rock bottom in Hollywood.
01:25:22.000 I almost died like Michael Jackson.
01:25:26.000 I was dying of addiction.
01:25:29.000 I would be in hell.
01:25:32.000 Brett had it all.
01:25:33.000 A hit show on primetime TV. Two years in the top ten.
01:25:38.000 Can you see me?
01:25:42.000 She made millions and lived in a mansion. 1.00
01:25:44.000 A tough-talking woman with a wild temper and killing herself with drugs. 1.00
01:25:49.000 Drugs! 0.99
01:25:52.000 Everything but crack and needles pretty much.
01:25:55.000 I had a variety of things given to me by doctors.
01:25:59.000 Other things.
01:26:00.000 I'm not doing it to be coy, but I'm not going to go through the, you know, what I did.
01:26:04.000 I did it till the wheels came off.
01:26:06.000 You just go up to your room right now and you don't come back down until you love your brother.
01:26:11.000 Grace Under Fire was a working class sitcom done in the same vein as Roseanne and Mad About You now on DVD. It was produced by funny man Chuck Lorre, creator of Two and a Half Men and The Big Bang Theory.
01:26:23.000 It was filmed here on the same studio lot as E.T., At Stage 14, where Christina Applegate's Up All Night is now.
01:26:31.000 You said you hope you've been forgiven.
01:26:32.000 What would you hope you've been forgiven for?
01:26:34.000 Making someone's day miserable over the choice of a word in a 22-minute show. 0.97
01:26:40.000 A lot of the times, I've been an ass and didn't even think I was. 0.97
01:26:43.000 Like, I'd call my managers and go, there's a white limo out here for an award show. 0.98
01:26:47.000 And they'd say, oh my god, don't get in it.
01:26:49.000 And he should have said, you ungrateful cracker, go get in the car and go to the show, they'll drop you. 0.62
01:26:54.000 Out back. 0.98
01:26:55.000 Because she wanted a black one? 0.98
01:26:56.000 Is that what she's trying to say?
01:26:57.000 Some people have weird things like that.
01:26:59.000 All these Great White Hope rehabs, the one in Malibu I call muffins, where they have a sous chef and collage class, and I'm going, you're kidding.
01:27:08.000 And, you know, some won't give you sugar and coffee and they give you drugs and other ones.
01:27:13.000 It's just, it's bizarre.
01:27:15.000 30,000 bucks a month and you're lucky when you don't die.
01:27:20.000 People used to come up and say, I, too, am a survivor of so-and-so and I want to go, look, if you don't wear the t-shirt, you'll have more fun.
01:27:27.000 She left Hollywood for a farm in Georgia where she lived with her 15 pets.
01:27:32.000 But then the money ran out and one of Hollywood's biggest stars had to live in a homeless shelter.
01:27:37.000 Now Brad is making a comeback returning to stand-up this weekend in LA's downtown comedy club.
01:27:43.000 I just want to make a comeback to be Nancy Grace's worst nightmare.
01:27:49.000 I really feel like an old dog though.
01:27:51.000 It's almost like I was a horse that ran in the derby once.
01:27:54.000 The kids were coming up going, are you still doing this?
01:27:57.000 I think it had something to do with me living through it.
01:28:00.000 I don't think about what I survived.
01:28:02.000 I hope I forgive.
01:28:03.000 I hope I'm forgiven.
01:28:05.000 And I'm just really glad that I think things are funny and there's no end to that.
01:28:09.000 And Brett has even more to reveal tomorrow.
01:28:11.000 She tells me her plans for a big TV comeback.
01:28:15.000 Don't get hooked on drugs, guys.
01:28:18.000 She creeps me out, but you know who creeps me out just as much?
01:28:21.000 The lady talking to her.
01:28:22.000 I don't feel like I know anything about her while she's talking.
01:28:25.000 She's pretty. 0.99
01:28:25.000 Oh, she's beautiful. 0.99
01:28:26.000 She's beautiful.
01:28:27.000 She seems real nice. 0.99
01:28:28.000 I don't know a goddamn thing about her. 0.99
01:28:29.000 I'm not getting anything out of her. 0.99
01:28:30.000 That reminds me of the first time I bought drugs.
01:28:33.000 The first time I ever bought drugs.
01:28:35.000 Tell me about this.
01:28:35.000 Do you remember the first time you ever bought drugs?
01:28:36.000 No, but you told me that you had a story.
01:28:39.000 The first time I ever bought drugs I was in high school, and I went to a small high school, so I was trying to not make a thing to ask about it at first, because you don't want it to get around.
01:28:51.000 So you were curious?
01:28:53.000 Yeah, I wanted to try stuff, but I didn't know who to ask, because if you ask at a small school, it could blow up real fast.
01:28:59.000 That's how gossip traveled.
01:29:01.000 So my friend Steve had just transferred from like the big high school, like from a high school with like 5,000 kids.
01:29:07.000 And so it was like a weekend.
01:29:09.000 I was like, let's get a sack.
01:29:10.000 And I think we had just seen Menace to Society and we were like, yo, what's up?
01:29:14.000 Like we were trying to totally be like hardcore guys.
01:29:17.000 I'm like pulling the hat to the side and be like, let's do this, man.
01:29:19.000 Did you wear your hat to the side? 0.99
01:29:20.000 No, but I think a lot of throwing swag into shit and just being like, hey, let's get a sack. 1.00
01:29:27.000 You're getting your blackness on. 1.00
01:29:28.000 Definitely. 0.93
01:29:29.000 Feeling it.
01:29:29.000 14, like, what's up?
01:29:31.000 Let's do this shit. 1.00
01:29:32.000 I got your back. 1.00
01:29:33.000 Making shit up. 1.00
01:29:34.000 A little too white, right? 1.00
01:29:35.000 Yeah. 0.70
01:29:35.000 A little uncomfortable with your existence. 0.70
01:29:37.000 Totally.
01:29:37.000 And then he's like, I know the guy.
01:29:41.000 So, like a Saturday night, this long green, old school, 70s Cadillac pulls up.
01:29:48.000 And he's like, that's the dude.
01:29:50.000 And this guy rolls the window down.
01:29:52.000 He's like, yo, get in the back.
01:29:53.000 And I was like, alright, cool.
01:29:54.000 We get in the back.
01:29:55.000 Thinking, like, that's where it goes down.
01:29:57.000 And Steve's like, yo, this is White Pete. 0.83
01:30:00.000 And I was like, what's up, White Pete? 0.98
01:30:02.000 And he was called White Pete because they needed to give him a distinction for his name because he was the only white guy that ran with his crew, right? 0.52
01:30:10.000 And he was like, we didn't have driver's licenses.
01:30:14.000 So he was like exactly at that moment what we wanted to be in a couple years.
01:30:19.000 Like he had like the whole unit, like the oversized white tee and like, you know, gold chain. 0.99
01:30:25.000 Yeah, and fucking like fade. 0.98
01:30:26.000 He was like, what's up? 0.99
01:30:27.000 I'm white people.
01:30:27.000 He talked like Snoop Dogg almost.
01:30:29.000 Oh.
01:30:29.000 Right?
01:30:30.000 And so we were like, all right.
01:30:31.000 And I thought he was like, so we're going to go get it now.
01:30:33.000 I was like, go get what?
01:30:34.000 Like I thought we were just doing this in the car.
01:30:36.000 We're going to go get that sack, man.
01:30:37.000 I'm like, oh, okay.
01:30:39.000 So we start driving.
01:30:40.000 We go 30 minutes in a car.
01:30:42.000 We go to the next town over, which is Fort Pierce, which is definitely a shittier place.
01:30:48.000 So we're driving through Fort Pierce, and we go from a main street to single-lane highways.
01:30:53.000 In Florida, there's like...
01:30:54.000 Oh, yeah.
01:30:55.000 So we're on a busy, and then we go to a single lane that has canals on each side.
01:30:58.000 Ooh.
01:30:59.000 Yeah, and then we go from that to a dirt road, and then the dirt road off of that dirt road. 0.92
01:31:05.000 We're driving down and we're like, this is some forensic file shit we're going to end up on. 0.51
01:31:09.000 A lot of woods? 0.99
01:31:10.000 Yeah, a lot of brush, groves, that kind of shit. 1.00
01:31:13.000 And I was like, fuck, man. 1.00
01:31:15.000 And at this point, I'm thinking about Menace to Society. 1.00
01:31:18.000 And I'm like, I want to be in that right now.
01:31:20.000 But I'm feeling really white.
01:31:23.000 I'm really scared.
01:31:24.000 And now it's night.
01:31:27.000 He came over in the evening already, so now it's pitch black outside.
01:31:31.000 And we're on a dirt road off of a dirt road. 0.99
01:31:33.000 Like, you can scream, there's nobody gonna hear shit. 0.95
01:31:36.000 And on the dirt road, up a gravel path, I see a light. 0.99
01:31:40.000 And the light is from a trailer.
01:31:43.000 So we pull up to the trailer, and we get out, and it's me, Steve, and White Pete.
01:31:48.000 And we knock on the door of the trailer, and this dude opens the door, and he has...
01:31:52.000 This black guy has like six dreadlocks. 0.69
01:31:55.000 You know, each dreadlock is like the size of a king-sized snicker bar. 0.94
01:31:58.000 He's got six snicker bars coming out of his hair.
01:32:02.000 And White Pete's like, what's up, Pat, Pat? 0.75
01:32:03.000 And he's like, what's up, White Pete? 0.92
01:32:04.000 And they give each other a hug. 1.00
01:32:05.000 And I was like, oh, fuck. 1.00
01:32:07.000 Now this really is totally menace to society shit, right? 1.00
01:32:10.000 So I was like, what's going to happen? 0.99
01:32:11.000 But I'm so trying to be cool about it.
01:32:14.000 Like, so trying to be cool about it. 0.96
01:32:15.000 And then he's like, these white boys are looking for a sack. 0.85
01:32:18.000 And he's like, yeah, we could do that.
01:32:20.000 So we go and say, mind you, we're looking for $20.
01:32:22.000 Right.
01:32:23.000 So how far have you driven?
01:32:25.000 How long has it taken?
01:32:26.000 From this point, it's like, we're already 30 miles south of the city we started.
01:32:30.000 Why would you just say, like, never mind after 10 miles?
01:32:33.000 Why does a white peach just sell it to you? 1.00
01:32:36.000 Why does he have to take you on the trip to the guy's house?
01:32:38.000 I would... 0.98
01:32:38.000 These are all questions I have, but don't have the balls to ask. 0.98
01:32:41.000 In my mind, I'm like, I'm 14, 15. I'm not saying shit to this dude. 0.99
01:32:46.000 I'm cool.
01:32:47.000 What's up?
01:32:48.000 Let's get a sack. 1.00
01:32:49.000 Still trying to make up?
01:32:51.000 So, we go into his trailer, and he's like, alright, we're going to get to do that sack.
01:32:58.000 We'll be back in 10 minutes.
01:32:59.000 I was like, who will be back in 10 minutes?
01:33:01.000 He's like, we will be.
01:33:02.000 You stay here and watch my place.
01:33:04.000 And I was like, what? 1.00
01:33:05.000 Like, what the fuck are you talking about? 0.99
01:33:08.000 Is what I'm thinking. 1.00
01:33:09.000 But then I just go like, yeah, cool.
01:33:11.000 Totally.
01:33:12.000 So you're in his trailer.
01:33:13.000 And he's like, watch it for me.
01:33:15.000 I'm like, oh, no.
01:33:16.000 Like, I'm feeling like that.
01:33:18.000 Like, real fear.
01:33:19.000 But I go, yeah, no problem, man.
01:33:22.000 Like, I watch people's houses all the time. 0.91
01:33:25.000 Like, totally fucking terrified. 0.97
01:33:28.000 Right. 0.95
01:33:28.000 And then he goes, like, you walk in the trailer, you're in the living room, because that's the way a trailer is, right? 0.95
01:33:33.000 You walk into it, and there's a bedroom to the right.
01:33:35.000 He's like, wait in here.
01:33:37.000 On the bed, he's like, there's a 45 and a 12 gauge. 0.99
01:33:40.000 And he goes, anybody comes in my house, you shoot them. 0.98
01:33:43.000 And I was like, right. 0.98
01:33:45.000 And then he's like, except for my mama.
01:33:46.000 My mama comes home.
01:33:47.000 Don't shoot her. 0.53
01:33:48.000 And I was like, got it.
01:33:49.000 And except I kept trying to be cool about it.
01:33:52.000 I was like, yeah, like, that's what's up.
01:33:54.000 I know what you're saying, man.
01:33:56.000 Go get that sack. 1.00
01:33:59.000 Totally like trying to be like, he was like, all right. 1.00
01:34:01.000 They walk out, they leave me in his trailer with two guns and a fucking message to not, to shoot everybody but his mother. 0.99
01:34:09.000 And I just sit there and I watch the MTV Video Music Awards. 1.00
01:34:12.000 And the whole time, like every show that comes, I just, I'm rocking.
01:34:15.000 And I'm actually hoping that it's an intruder versus his mom, because I feel like if it's his mom, she might accidentally shoot her.
01:34:23.000 Or how is she going to react to my explanation?
01:34:26.000 Like, Pat Pat just told me to wait here. 0.99
01:34:28.000 He's getting some weed for me, but I'm supposed to shoot everybody but you. 0.79
01:34:33.000 Are you cool with that? 0.70
01:34:35.000 And she's like, oh yeah, it happens all the time. 0.97
01:34:36.000 How are you going to react to this?
01:34:38.000 So I'm having a panic attack.
01:34:41.000 We finally, they come back.
01:34:43.000 We get back in with White Pete. 0.99
01:34:46.000 He drives us back.
01:34:48.000 And I'm sitting there. 1.00
01:34:48.000 I'm like, what the fuck? 1.00
01:34:50.000 Dude, that was the worst shit ever. 1.00
01:34:51.000 Like, I'm fucking terrified. 1.00
01:34:53.000 He's like, yeah. 0.93
01:34:53.000 Him and Pat-Pat, Steve and Pat became, like, best friends. 0.93
01:34:56.000 So they became, like, super close.
01:34:58.000 Like, that was, like, his guy.
01:34:59.000 He would go up there and I'd be like, no, dude.
01:35:00.000 I don't want to hang out with Pat-Pat at all.
01:35:03.000 And, like, six months later, when Steve got his license, we went and he was like, you want to get some weed today?
01:35:08.000 I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:35:09.000 So, where'd we go?
01:35:10.000 We go to Fort Pierce. 0.99
01:35:11.000 Pull up to Pat Pat's and I'm like, God damn it. 0.98
01:35:13.000 So you remembered how to get there? 0.98
01:35:15.000 He did.
01:35:16.000 Steve had to start going there all the time.
01:35:17.000 Oh my God.
01:35:18.000 We pulled up to his trailer this time.
01:35:20.000 He gets out now.
01:35:21.000 This time, like, well, they're friends, so this is probably going to be a much quicker thing.
01:35:24.000 He comes out, he jumps in the back, and he's like, all right, let's roll.
01:35:27.000 And I was like, ah, no. 0.98
01:35:29.000 Like, we're going to fucking look for a sack again? 1.00
01:35:32.000 Like, I thought you just have this shit, man. 1.00
01:35:35.000 So this time we went to... 1.00
01:35:37.000 But here's the thing.
01:35:38.000 Pat Pass scared the shit out of me the first time.
01:35:40.000 But that second time, he saved our life, actually. 0.99
01:35:42.000 Because we went, from his trailer the second time, where he jumped in the back, we went to Avenue D, which is the fucking shitty street in Fort Pierce. 0.98
01:35:50.000 Like, if you're going to... 0.97
01:35:52.000 Like, every city, you know, you have, like...
01:35:54.000 I don't know, whatever city you're in, they're like, that's...
01:35:56.000 Have you ever seen...
01:35:57.000 Have you ever been to a street where you see open drug dealing, where there's not even some type of facade?
01:36:01.000 Yes.
01:36:01.000 Los Angeles.
01:36:02.000 Right, but you've been down a street where there's no pretense about it.
01:36:06.000 Yeah, Los Angeles.
01:36:07.000 We were filming Fear Factor.
01:36:10.000 We were actually filming the Playboy Playmate edition of Fear Factor.
01:36:13.000 Downtown area?
01:36:14.000 Yeah, we were watching people sell drugs, smoke crack, right there.
01:36:17.000 We were in a crane, and I go, look, they're smoking crack.
01:36:20.000 And the girls were like, oh my god, they are smoking crack. 1.00
01:36:22.000 This is ridiculous. 0.92
01:36:24.000 No one's protecting us. 0.73
01:36:25.000 We're up here in a crane.
01:36:26.000 That was exactly like this, where we pulled up in Steve's car...
01:36:31.000 And the windows come down and we just get surrounded.
01:36:34.000 Like the car got surrounded by six guys.
01:36:36.000 And they reach in their jackets and they go, this one guy goes, y'all look familiar.
01:36:42.000 And this other guy goes, yeah, y'all look real familiar.
01:36:45.000 Y'all ever been here before?
01:36:46.000 And when somebody says that, you look familiar, have you been here before?
01:36:49.000 How would you answer that?
01:36:52.000 Nope.
01:36:52.000 Nope.
01:36:53.000 Right.
01:36:53.000 And exactly at that moment, I go, no.
01:36:55.000 And Steve at the exact same time goes, yep.
01:36:57.000 Yes. 1.00
01:36:58.000 Oh, I hate that shit. 1.00
01:36:59.000 Oh, man. 1.00
01:37:01.000 And then they're like, see, I told you, man.
01:37:02.000 Y'all look like them white boys that have been snatching bags around here. 1.00
01:37:06.000 I was like, oh, fuck. 1.00
01:37:08.000 You look like the white boys that have been taking bags from guys. 1.00
01:37:12.000 I'm like, no, dude.
01:37:13.000 That's not us.
01:37:14.000 Steve's like, but we have been here before. 0.99
01:37:15.000 I'm like, will you shut the fuck up? 0.99
01:37:18.000 Pat Pat is in the back. 0.99
01:37:20.000 I'm like, hold on.
01:37:20.000 He gets out and walks up, talks to all of them like he's the ambassador.
01:37:26.000 I don't know what the fuck. 0.99
01:37:27.000 I own these guys. 0.99
01:37:28.000 They're with me.
01:37:29.000 They totally let us go. 1.00
01:37:32.000 Without him, we would have been fucked. 0.99
01:37:33.000 What's that noise, Brian? 1.00
01:37:34.000 What is that noise?
01:37:35.000 Somebody's phone.
01:37:37.000 That's not mine.
01:37:38.000 No, it's me.
01:37:40.000 Pat Pat.
01:37:41.000 Pat Pat.
01:37:42.000 Pat Pat is still out.
01:37:43.000 I don't know what happened to Pat Pat.
01:37:44.000 And White Pete, who knows what happened to White Pete.
01:37:45.000 Not good things.
01:37:46.000 Probably not good things, man.
01:37:47.000 You should Facebook him.
01:37:49.000 Can you Facebook Pap Pap?
01:37:51.000 Pap Pap will be the next person that makes up a fake Twitter account. 0.71
01:37:54.000 That's a real fear.
01:37:55.000 That was, I had real fear.
01:37:56.000 Oh, yeah.
01:37:57.000 And you're like. 0.99
01:37:58.000 For a good fucking reason. 0.97
01:37:59.000 Oh, like when you feel your stomach dropping, you're like, what's going to happen right now? 0.99
01:38:02.000 Oh, my God. 1.00
01:38:03.000 Yeah, that's terrible shit, man. 1.00
01:38:05.000 When I was a kid, when I was in high school, we used to go to Dorchester to eat like late at night. 1.00
01:38:10.000 I was hanging out with this one kid.
01:38:11.000 I lived in Jamaica Plain before I went to high school.
01:38:14.000 And Jamaica Plain was like a real shifty neighborhood.
01:38:17.000 It was kind of creepy.
01:38:18.000 Yeah.
01:38:18.000 And it bordered some really creepy places.
01:38:21.000 And I became friends with a couple of those kids, and I stayed in touch with them. 0.74
01:38:25.000 And then when I went to high school, I went to visit them a couple of times before I realized it was really fucking dangerous. 0.64
01:38:29.000 Yeah. 0.90
01:38:29.000 They were going to a bad high school, man. 0.90
01:38:31.000 Their high school situation, my high school situation was very different.
01:38:34.000 Yeah.
01:38:34.000 We went to the same middle school together, and middle school was kind of okay because kids were young.
01:38:38.000 They hadn't gotten into dangerous shit yet. 0.95
01:38:40.000 And, you know, this is 1980. Yeah. 0.98
01:38:42.000 You know, this is early.
01:38:43.000 It was just like when the Sugar Hill Gang would just come out.
01:38:46.000 Hip hop.
01:38:47.000 A hip-a-to-the-hip-a-to-hip-hop.
01:38:48.000 That was the first rap music, and it was very friendly in retrospect.
01:38:52.000 And things changed radically, though. 0.61
01:38:54.000 When I left, I went to Newton, which is like nice suburbs, and I lived across the street from a river, and there was like woods near me and shit like that. 0.98
01:39:02.000 And they went to the inner city high school, and they had some fucking tough times, man. 0.96
01:39:07.000 I watched those dudes. 0.93
01:39:08.000 They were basically involved in just...
01:39:10.000 Just crime was everywhere around them.
01:39:13.000 It was nuts, man. 1.00
01:39:14.000 Inner city shit is just no fun at all. 1.00
01:39:18.000 I got lucky that my parents moved to a nicer place. 1.00
01:39:23.000 We would go to these places late at night when I was hanging out with them.
01:39:28.000 We'd hang out with some of their friends.
01:39:30.000 We'd go to Dorchester at 2 o'clock in the morning to eat. 0.98
01:39:33.000 First of all, I couldn't believe who the fuck let me wander around at 14 years old. 1.00
01:39:36.000 but we were in some place where there was bulletproof glass they would sell you food but it was through bulletproof glass it was sandwiches and there was like a slot where you would slide the food under and it was like the worst fucking neighborhood you could possibly be in outside of Beirut we're hanging out there and some guy goes I told you I'd pay for this shit motherfucker like decides I already paid for this shit And they're like, let him go, let him go, let him go. 1.00
01:40:01.000 Yeah. 0.99
01:40:01.000 And I could see the guy, like, bluffed his way out of a free sandwich. 0.99
01:40:04.000 And he would walk off, and he was eating it, like, right at the front door, like, blocking the door like a dog.
01:40:10.000 Like, he got far enough, you know, for he was away from danger, and he was just with no regard for how it looked.
01:40:16.000 He was just eating it, blocking the doorway, eating the sandwich.
01:40:20.000 Yeah.
01:40:20.000 And then I was like, um...
01:40:22.000 People don't know how bad some neighborhoods are in Hollywood.
01:40:27.000 Sunset between Fairfax and Crescent Heights used to be a trap.
01:40:32.000 I remember I worked at a restaurant there, and one night, man, two weekends in a row, first weekend someone got shot in the head on the steps into Denny's, which was like a block.
01:40:43.000 And then the next weekend, somebody came in, went into the kitchen, took scissors, Start stabbing people with scissors and stabbing themselves.
01:40:51.000 But it was also like a criminal hangout because of Denny's.
01:40:57.000 Denny's is a criminal hangout?
01:40:58.000 You know, I'm saying it's open all night.
01:40:59.000 So that's where late night people, people who are up all night could go and hang out.
01:41:06.000 They just shut it down. 0.98
01:41:07.000 Everybody who's in here is a pimp, hustler, drug dealer, and they're murdering people weekend after weekend. 1.00
01:41:13.000 They just shut that shit down. 1.00
01:41:14.000 That was a dangerous area, man. 1.00
01:41:16.000 Hollywood is so shitty. 0.99
01:41:18.000 People who come to Hollywood who think I almost killed a guy yesterday coming home from the doctor. 0.99
01:41:25.000 I was probably going 45, 50 miles an hour and out of nowhere the car next to me slams on his brakes. 1.00
01:41:31.000 I'm like what the fuck? 0.88
01:41:32.000 So I slammed on my brakes even though I had no idea why he was slamming on his brakes type thing because I couldn't see over his car. 1.00
01:41:38.000 I slammed on brakes and just missed this old man dressed up as a woman. 0.98
01:41:43.000 And he was just crossing the street, like in the middle of the street, jaywalking, and just screaming at us. 1.00
01:41:50.000 Like, you could just tell he was fucking crazy. 0.99
01:41:53.000 He had lipstick all around his whole entire face. 1.00
01:41:55.000 Dude, it was just an old man dressed up as a woman. 0.97
01:41:56.000 Brett Butt was co-star from Grace Under Fire. 1.00
01:41:59.000 Still pissed that that bitch had to scream and get the show canceled. 1.00
01:42:01.000 I gotta fucking bounce. 1.00
01:42:02.000 I gotta go do a show with Brea. 0.99
01:42:03.000 Go bounce.
01:42:04.000 Brea Improv, folks, tonight, if you are around, if you're anywhere near Brea, There's an 8pm show tonight.
01:42:09.000 Brea Improv.
01:42:10.000 Tommy Segura all up in this.
01:42:12.000 You're headlining though, right?
01:42:14.000 It's a Valentine show.
01:42:15.000 You and your wife? 0.85
01:42:15.000 Me and my wife, yeah. 0.85
01:42:16.000 So it starts when you get there if you're late.
01:42:18.000 You won't be late though.
01:42:19.000 You can leave here.
01:42:19.000 I'll give you directions.
01:42:20.000 Thank you.
01:42:21.000 This weekend I'll be at the Orlando Improv.
01:42:24.000 So if you're in Orlando...
01:42:24.000 Orlando, Florida.
01:42:25.000 You dirty freaks. 0.99
01:42:27.000 And you gotta go down and support Tommy when he is taping his new CD. That will be in Denver at the Comedy Works South on February 24th and 25th. 0.96
01:42:38.000 It's a great fucking club. 0.99
01:42:39.000 Tell Wendy I said what's up! 0.99
01:42:40.000 And also please check out the podcast.
01:42:43.000 The podcast I've done with Brian for the last few years.
01:42:45.000 Yes, it's called Your Mom's House.
01:42:47.000 It's available on iTunes.
01:42:48.000 We're going to do the first episode without our beloved Brian tomorrow.
01:42:52.000 And the website is YourMomsHousePodcast.com.
01:42:56.000 Your Mom's House Podcast with his lovely and talented wife, Christina Wisinski.
01:43:00.000 Very, very funny young lady.
01:43:01.000 And she'll be on the show tonight as well. 0.98
01:43:02.000 That's the Bray Improv, 9pm, and of course, next, not next weekend, but whatever the fuck weekend it is. 0.98
01:43:08.000 It is next weekend? 0.98
01:43:08.000 Yeah, it's not this coming weekend, but the next one. 0.98
01:43:11.000 24th and the 25th, Denver, get on that shit. 1.00
01:43:13.000 Thank you. 1.00
01:43:14.000 Fire up, Death Squad, in support. 1.00
01:43:16.000 Tom Segura, you are the fucking man. 1.00
01:43:17.000 I love you, buddy. 0.99
01:43:18.000 You're awesome.
01:43:19.000 Thanks for having me.
01:43:19.000 Tell Pat Pat, what's up?
01:43:20.000 What's up, Pat Pat?
01:43:20.000 Get that side, get that side.
01:43:22.000 Thank you to The Pleshlight for sponsoring our podcast from the beginning, from the very dark days of laptops and not knowing what the fuck we're doing, as if we didn't start off today on the wrong channel. 0.98
01:43:33.000 Hey, we fucking, we got a little slippery. 0.96
01:43:36.000 Listen, this is real. 0.98
01:43:37.000 There's not a lot of production value, but it's free, okay? 0.94
01:43:39.000 Thanks to, thanks to everybody that's tuning into this fucking thing, before we even get to sponsors. 0.88
01:43:43.000 You know, it's one of the coolest things in the world to have such an awesome fan base, to have so many cool fucking people to, To connect with so many people. 0.92
01:43:50.000 To get all these messages from you guys.
01:43:52.000 Like, hey man, this is what I've been looking for my whole life.
01:43:54.000 This show's changing my life.
01:43:55.000 This show changes the way I look at things.
01:43:57.000 You guys change the way we look at things too.
01:43:59.000 From Twitter, from all the cool links that I get sent, to the amount of support that we get from our shows.
01:44:04.000 It, to me, is the coolest thing that I've ever done in my life.
01:44:07.000 You've got the best fans, man.
01:44:08.000 You've got the best fans.
01:44:09.000 I'm lucky.
01:44:09.000 I'm very, very fortunate.
01:44:11.000 We put out the right vibe and people respond.
01:44:13.000 And we put out this show...
01:44:16.000 It's real.
01:44:17.000 You know what I'm saying? 0.87
01:44:18.000 There's no bullshit, no pretense. 0.80
01:44:20.000 It is what it is.
01:44:21.000 It's 100% free.
01:44:22.000 We love all you freaks.
01:44:23.000 We just want to let you know that this is not something I take for granted. 0.99
01:44:26.000 I've done a lot of shit in my career. 0.97
01:44:27.000 This is the thing I'm the most proud of. 0.99
01:44:29.000 For sure.
01:44:30.000 You guys, I'm the most proud of the whole...
01:44:33.000 The whole thing.
01:44:34.000 Everything behind it.
01:44:35.000 I don't want to say movement.
01:44:36.000 All the momentum behind it.
01:44:38.000 All the shows.
01:44:39.000 It's a humbling experience, man.
01:44:41.000 When I do something like the Chicago Theater and there's 3,200 people and everyone's screaming and cheering.
01:44:45.000 It's really one of the greatest experiences of my life. 0.99
01:44:49.000 And we're going to keep going, bitch. 1.00
01:44:50.000 We ain't going nowhere. 1.00
01:44:51.000 Come see me in...
01:44:53.000 Yeah.
01:44:54.000 Go to JoeRogan.net. 0.97
01:44:54.000 I don't even know where the fuck I'm going. 0.97
01:44:55.000 Friday we're at the Ice House. 0.97
01:44:56.000 Go to Ice House Comedy.
01:44:57.000 Friday we're at the Ice House.
01:44:58.000 And Friday, by the way, it's going to be a very intimate show and it will sell out.
01:45:03.000 We do them every week. 0.89
01:45:05.000 There's only 85 seats and it's fucking awesome. 0.90
01:45:08.000 It's going to be Brian Redman. 0.78
01:45:09.000 Who's going on?
01:45:09.000 Well, I don't know the full lineup yet, but we have DJ Dog Pound, I think, is going to do it.
01:45:14.000 Who does all the Tim and Eric stuff.
01:45:16.000 Oh, really?
01:45:18.000 Oh, beautiful.
01:45:18.000 And you're around this Friday as well?
01:45:19.000 I'm in Orlando.
01:45:20.000 You're in Orlando.
01:45:21.000 Orlando Improv. 1.00
01:45:21.000 That's it, you dirty freaks. 1.00
01:45:22.000 Thanks to Fleshlight. 0.99
01:45:23.000 Go to JoeRogan.net.
01:45:24.000 Click on the link for the Fleshlight.
01:45:25.000 Enter in the code name Rogan. 1.00
01:45:26.000 And then go fuck yourself. 1.00
01:45:27.000 Or go fuck it yourself. 1.00
01:45:31.000 Thank you to Onnit.com. 1.00
01:45:32.000 O-N-N-I-T. Makers of Alpha Brain, New Mood, Shroom Tech Sport, and Shroom Tech Immune. 0.93
01:45:39.000 All powerful cognitive enhancing supplements, immune supplements, and endurance supplements. 1.00
01:45:44.000 All good shit. 0.99
01:45:45.000 All natural. 1.00
01:45:46.000 All good for you.
01:45:47.000 All explained at Onnit.com.
01:45:49.000 O-N-N-I-T. Go to JoeRogan.net, click on the AlphaBrain link, enter in the code name ROGAN, and you will get 10% off your first order.
01:45:56.000 I'm going to have that changed for all your orders, alright?
01:45:58.000 So you can always get a nice little discount, alright? 1.00
01:46:00.000 You fucking freaks. 1.00
01:46:01.000 You know I love you. 1.00
01:46:02.000 God damn it. 1.00
01:46:03.000 Smoke that sack, man. 1.00
01:46:03.000 That's it. 1.00
01:46:03.000 Smoke that sack. 1.00
01:46:04.000 And I'll see you guys soon.
01:46:06.000 Check out UFC tomorrow night.
01:46:08.000 I won't be there, but it's going to be live from somewhere cool.
01:46:12.000 Omaha, Nebraska?
01:46:13.000 Oh, Jake Ellenberger.
01:46:14.000 He's from Omaha.
01:46:15.000 And Diego Sanchez.