The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #1850 - Whitney Cummings

00:00:15.000 It's an NFT, sort of.

00:00:17.000 It's like digital art.

00:00:19.000 It's Beeple.

00:00:19.000 Do you know who Beeple is?

00:00:20.000 He's the best.

00:00:22.000 Every day that guy puts out a new piece.

00:00:25.000 Insane.

00:00:25.000 And it's computer generated, but does he go in and like paint?

00:00:27.000 I don't understand how it works, but there's something involving computers.

00:00:32.000 They should.

00:00:33.000 I think there's a Palm Pilot.

00:00:38.000 I think every time I see one of his pieces on Instagram, there'll be a sweeping dystopian city.

00:00:44.000 Look at the new one. 1.00

00:00:45.000 What the fuck? 1.00

00:00:46.000 What the fuck is that? 1.00

00:00:47.000 This is going to give me nightmares for us. 1.00

00:00:50.000 The hair.

00:00:52.000 I've got hairy legs!

00:00:54.000 But wait, are these...

00:00:55.000 They look raspberries, but those are germs?

00:00:58.000 I think, yeah.

00:00:58.000 See, it says mild symptoms.

00:01:00.000 That's what it's called.

00:01:01.000 He's just such a character, too.

00:01:03.000 He's a really fun guy.

00:01:04.000 You would enjoy him on your podcast.

00:01:06.000 My uterus right now?

00:01:08.000 Wow.

00:01:08.000 What is the...

00:01:10.000 What is the one where he'll do like a cityscape?

00:01:13.000 And I'm like, oh, they should make an animated movie about his worlds.

00:01:16.000 Yeah.

00:01:17.000 Not that one.

00:01:18.000 There's a bunch of them.

00:01:18.000 Well, there's so many.

00:01:19.000 The problem is he puts out one every single day.

00:01:23.000 God, it's wild.

00:01:24.000 Yeah, it's amazing stuff.

00:01:26.000 It's really good.

00:01:27.000 Wow.

00:01:28.000 It's almost...

00:01:29.000 I don't want to compare it.

00:01:30.000 He'll probably hate me if he hears this, but it feels like it's got Banksy-esque commentary, like using sort of famous, iconic images and subverting them. 0.93

00:01:39.000 But he'll say, like, when you ask him, like, you know, why do you have all the, you know, dicks dressed up as missiles? 0.96

00:01:46.000 He's like, I don't know. 1.00

00:01:47.000 I fucking just made a fucking picture of some dicks. 1.00

00:01:51.000 That was us last night watching Top Gun, which I loved. 1.00

00:01:55.000 It was a mind-bending thrill ride.

00:01:57.000 Mrs. Rogan wasn't that into it.

00:01:59.000 Well, it was...

00:02:00.000 She was like, eh. 0.85

00:02:02.000 We definitely were laughing at parts that got a little too, like...

00:02:05.000 Homoerotic?

00:02:06.000 Like, melodramatic.

00:02:08.000 It felt a little telenovela.

00:02:09.000 And it was... 0.90

00:02:10.000 It didn't help that all the machines look like giant dicks flying through the air. 0.99

00:02:14.000 It was all these guys on dicks being like, love you, man. 0.96

00:02:18.000 But I thought it was cool because it was just like, it was so unabashedly emotional and patriotic and it was like a love letter to our forces. 0.98

00:02:29.000 Oh, it really is.

00:02:31.000 I mean, well, they got in trouble, right?

00:02:33.000 Like China won't distribute it because he wore a Taiwanese flag on his back or something.

00:02:38.000 Was that the Jon Hamm character?

00:02:40.000 I think someone told me he was the character was so decorated and had one Taiwanese flag and they might have made them take it out.

00:02:46.000 Of course.

00:02:46.000 I think they were gonna take it out, but then they changed their mind or something.

00:02:50.000 But it's like the pressure from China.

00:02:52.000 Yeah, there it is.

00:02:53.000 I bet.

00:02:53.000 Yeah.

00:02:54.000 So here it is.

00:02:55.000 2019, the trailer for Top Gun Maverick showed Cruise's character, U.S. Navy pilot Pete Mitchell, in the same bomber jacket he wore in the original film, but two of its flag patches representing Japan and the Republic of China, the official name for Taiwan, appeared to have been replaced by other emblems.

00:03:12.000 The movie's like four years old then, if they had a trailer in 2019. That's wild.

00:03:16.000 That's wild.

00:03:16.000 They're like, we can't believe Tom Cruise believes...

00:03:18.000 So they started filming it then?

00:03:19.000 I think it was supposed to come out, and then the pandemic happened, and they're like, we need this to be in theaters, we gotta wait.

00:03:24.000 Right.

00:03:25.000 It's funny that the problem they have with Tom Cruise is that he believes Taiwan is its own country, and not that he believes in aliens.

00:03:31.000 LAUGHTER Well, I believe in aliens.

00:03:34.000 He doesn't believe in aliens.

00:03:35.000 He believes that we are thetans.

00:03:37.000 Right, right, right.

00:03:38.000 That we were like dropped off in volcanoes.

00:03:41.000 That we're like ice cubes.

00:03:43.000 I have a hot take on Scientology. 0.98

00:03:46.000 Which is that I drive by the creepy ass Scientology Center in LA now and I'm like, you know what? 0.64

00:03:51.000 I'm glad anyone that thinks that's a good idea is in a building. 0.78

00:03:56.000 Anyone that would be vulnerable to that is just, they've got them, they stay in there, they go on boat.

00:04:01.000 What would the people that think Scientology is a good idea to subscribe to be doing if Scientology was not available to be the cult that they're a part of?

00:04:09.000 They would join the Moonies or something.

00:04:11.000 They would be something else.

00:04:13.000 They would find some other thing to latch onto.

00:04:16.000 Cult type thing.

00:04:17.000 Yeah, I mean there's just a lot of vulnerable people out there that just have weak minds.

00:04:21.000 And I think the more apocalyptic the world becomes or the more it feels like this doomsday thing, the more we all want to latch on to something that's going to give us a sense of control, fake control.

00:04:30.000 If they didn't have such a wacky origin story, I think they'd be way more successful.

00:04:36.000 The problem is like the guy who started, did you ever read Lawrence Wright's Going Clear?

00:04:41.000 I saw the documentary.

00:04:42.000 I interviewed him, fascinating guy.

00:04:45.000 You've had Leah on?

00:04:46.000 Yeah, I've had Leah on. 0.88

00:04:48.000 I had Miscavige's dad on, who escaped, like literally escaped in a car chase, left the compound to get away from his son and Scientology.

00:05:01.000 And the wife is missing, Shelly.

00:05:04.000 Shelly.

00:05:04.000 I don't believe she's missing.

00:05:06.000 I think she came out and said, no, I'm fine.

00:05:09.000 Oh, really?

00:05:10.000 Was it my robot with her color hair? 0.77

00:05:14.000 I am fine.

00:05:15.000 I think she was punished for insubordination. 0.99

00:05:18.000 I bet.

00:05:18.000 She probably didn't salute correctly.

00:05:20.000 Something went wrong.

00:05:22.000 It's pretty wild.

00:05:24.000 I mean, and the fact that they still have tax, they don't pay taxes.

00:05:27.000 That's the wildest thing.

00:05:28.000 First of all, here's what's wild.

00:05:31.000 That guy, L. Ron Hubbard, who created Scientology, was a science fiction writer who is the most prolific author in human history. 0.99

00:05:39.000 He has more published work than any other author ever because that motherfucker never wrote a second draft. 0.99

00:05:48.000 His work is so bad. 0.99

00:05:50.000 It's so bad.

00:05:52.000 It's like, and then they pulled the laser beams out and shoot at them at the planet, and then the planet blew up into a million pieces, and then those million pieces shot off into individual spaceships, and those individual spaceships floated out into different galaxies and started their own universes.

00:06:05.000 It's so bad.

00:06:07.000 But back then, was he on a typewriter, or was it handwritten?

00:06:11.000 Oh yeah, typewriter, for sure.

00:06:12.000 Yeah, that's too annoying to have to go back and redo.

00:06:15.000 Well, they all did that.

00:06:15.000 I mean, that was Hemingway's famous quote that Ari used to have glued on his laptop.

00:06:19.000 It said, the first draft of everything is shit. 1.00

00:06:22.000 First drafts are supposed to suck. 1.00

00:06:24.000 Yeah, they suck. 0.97

00:06:25.000 You're trying to get your ideas out there, and then you go back and you sort of reform them. 0.99

00:06:31.000 I mean, that's how it is with every bit, right?

00:06:33.000 I'm just...

00:06:34.000 I cannot tell you.

00:06:35.000 This is the first time I've shot an hour that I felt like was ready.

00:06:42.000 Like, ready.

00:06:43.000 Do you think you're more ready because we have all this time because of the pandemic?

00:06:48.000 I made a promise to myself that I would not come out of the pandemic less skilled at anything, less interesting, you know...

00:06:58.000 Too late.

00:06:58.000 Sloppy!

00:07:03.000 How dare you?

00:07:05.000 And I was like, okay, we obviously have this time.

00:07:07.000 Like, we can't sit around and just get rusty.

00:07:09.000 We can't when we come back and everyone finally is, you know...

00:07:12.000 In their mind, taking a big risk going to a show where people are exhaling on each other or taking a risk to go to a venue, which is how people thought about it, at least some states, when we first started going back out.

00:07:23.000 And they've been inside for two years.

00:07:25.000 They've been listening to us on podcasts.

00:07:26.000 They feel connected to us.

00:07:27.000 I was like, I'm not going to go out there and be mediocre or work out and be sloppy.

00:07:32.000 And so I worked really hard over the pandemic to be writing, to be thoughtful and to go, you know, this stuff is killing.

00:07:38.000 But in 10 years, will it still feel insightful and fresh?

00:07:42.000 Like just cutting a lot of stuff that felt like it works, but I would rather go smarter or weirder or Try to figure out a way that this is going to age well.

00:07:54.000 I think it gives you time to...

00:07:56.000 I think the thing about the way we were doing specials before was like every two years is great.

00:08:02.000 Louis did it every one year for a while, which I think is kind of insane.

00:08:06.000 And that's what Carlin did too, so I think that's the model that he adopted.

00:08:10.000 Every two years is good. 0.98

00:08:12.000 But for me, like, I'm about to film and I feel like my shit has never been tighter.

00:08:18.000 It's like never been tighter because I had the time off and then getting back into it also had like this newfound enthusiasm because I recognized like, hey, this thing that we love so much almost went away and kind of did for at least a year. 0.92

00:08:31.000 We took it for granted, for sure.

00:08:32.000 Yeah, but now I have these bits that I didn't record in 2020 and I got to hone them and sharpen them and edit them and polish them and then add all this new stuff to it as well.

00:08:44.000 And it's just...

00:08:45.000 I think that's the way to do it.

00:08:47.000 I think it's more like three years or maybe even four.

00:08:50.000 This is...

00:08:50.000 And you made a very big impact on me one day.

00:08:53.000 You might not even remember it, but this was maybe my last special and...

00:08:58.000 I was about to shoot it, and you went, I just shot a special.

00:09:02.000 All I can tell you is, if you think you're ready, do it for another three months.

00:09:07.000 When you think you're ready, that's when you need another three months.

00:09:10.000 After I thought I was ready, I did maybe 85, 90 shows or something of this one, so it was really fun to be in the pocket, feel like it was ready, And then go, no, there's more to do.

00:09:22.000 There's more to chisel.

00:09:24.000 And I don't know if you really know until after you've filmed it, but I've done five specials.

00:09:28.000 This is the first one that when I taped it, I was like, I'm done.

00:09:32.000 I wasn't still thinking of tags later.

00:09:34.000 It wasn't haunting me.

00:09:35.000 I wasn't looking at the edit going, ah, I should have thought of it.

00:09:38.000 I was like, I have left everything on the floor.

00:09:40.000 Well, when we saw you at the Paramount, you were so loose.

00:09:43.000 You were so in the groove.

00:09:45.000 You know when someone's thinking while they're up there, and they're thinking about their next bid, or they're thinking about their transitions?

00:09:54.000 You are just free.

00:09:55.000 And that's a sign that someone's ready.

00:09:58.000 Thank you.

00:09:59.000 And that means a lot.

00:10:01.000 And I agree with you.

00:10:03.000 Not to, it sounds narcissistic, but I do think that, you know, there's a point you get to when you work something so hard in front of so many different kinds of people.

00:10:11.000 You know, in that hour, you know, I feel really precious about in a way or connected to it because I was doing it outside, on cars, with people in masks, like in parking lots, like so many different places.

00:10:23.000 So by the time I got to like a theater where, you know, it's like, it just feels like you're flying.

00:10:28.000 And it's the best feeling in the world to just kind of go like, I know all this is going to work.

00:10:32.000 Now what else can I bring to it physically or playfully and how can I surprise myself so that I'm actually on a ride with them too.

00:10:41.000 That's pretty wild that you did it in parking lots too, right?

00:10:45.000 Whoever gets to say that?

00:10:47.000 I did stand-up to people in cars.

00:10:50.000 So now it's like I've been getting such amazing feedback, which has been sort of suspiciously nice, you know, because the Internet usually doesn't treat anyone like that, much less female comedians.

00:11:02.000 But there's something that feels so...

00:11:06.000 Like, this is everybody's hour, because I did it so many, everyone that came and laughed and honked and whatever the hell we were going through, I'm like, I know that you guys laughed, and if anyone says this isn't good, they're judging you.

00:11:18.000 Like, I went all over the country, I went everywhere, and I just really feel good about that.

00:11:23.000 That's great.

00:11:24.000 Like, this has worked everywhere for a while, and I had fun, and I was in the moment when I was performing, which is hard to capture, you know?

00:11:32.000 I almost feel like specials, like, you know when you just shoot, when you have a great performance somewhere, and you're like, God, I wish we had just filmed that.

00:11:39.000 Right.

00:11:39.000 And then you go to shoot it, and then all of a sudden it's like you're in this completely unnatural situation.

00:11:43.000 There's cameras, the audience feels the cameras, and you're like, God, I almost wish that we all just toured, and one day you're, you know, in Denver, and someone's like, hey, just so you know, we got that.

00:11:52.000 And you're like, Right.

00:11:53.000 There's my special.

00:11:54.000 Right, like you just, no one knew there was cameras there.

00:11:57.000 Exactly.

00:11:57.000 Well, the club that we're setting up out here, we're putting cameras in the walls.

00:12:02.000 We're setting it up so that someone can film there and all we have to do is just press button.

00:12:06.000 I would love to shoot my next special there. 0.98

00:12:08.000 Let's fucking do it! 0.99

00:12:09.000 Can I tell you, I think the best, you know, I'm actually in the fall gonna go back and do a couple clubs because I just miss that 400 people in one place when you're killing and you're on, like, mind-melding. 0.99

00:12:24.000 There's no better feeling than that.

00:12:25.000 I don't think there's a better environment to watch comedy or to do comedy than a club.

00:12:31.000 I love arenas because they're just nuts.

00:12:34.000 Like standing out there in front of, you know, just insane sea of human beings in the round.

00:12:40.000 It's really fun.

00:12:41.000 And when you kill, the sound is insane.

00:12:44.000 But it's not the same experience.

00:12:47.000 It's a different, bigger, grander experience.

00:12:50.000 But there's something so intimate about a 300-seat room or a 400-seat room when it's packed and low ceilings and you're crushing.

00:13:00.000 That's real comedy.

00:13:01.000 That's as good as comedy gets.

00:13:03.000 And I try to really play defense on, I know people kind of zeitgeist you to talk about, claptor.

00:13:09.000 Because if you have all your own fans, and everyone's psyched to be there, and you have a lot of people, and people are cheering.

00:13:14.000 And you're like, there's a difference between involuntary laughs and cheering.

00:13:18.000 Right.

00:13:18.000 And when I went back on tour, I'd find that I'd be like, yeah, the other day, you know, I went on a date, and people are like, woo!

00:13:23.000 And you're like... 0.99

00:13:24.000 That's how comedians start to suck. 0.99

00:13:27.000 They conflate that response with an involuntary laugh. 0.99

00:13:30.000 Right, but you would never do that.

00:13:32.000 No, I just mean like...

00:13:33.000 You're too self-aware.

00:13:34.000 Sometimes audiences get amped if they're just your people.

00:13:37.000 They bought tickets, they're invested.

00:13:38.000 I just mean like every now and then you gotta do... 0.99

00:13:40.000 Don't worry about traps that fall for people that suck. 0.99

00:13:44.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:13:44.000 That's what that is. 0.99

00:13:45.000 That's a people that suck trap where they get excited and so they purposely say things they know will get people to cheer. 1.00

00:13:52.000 That shit is nonsense. 1.00

00:13:54.000 There's so many people that do that. 1.00

00:13:56.000 But in a club, you can feel how you're doing.

00:13:59.000 Oh, yeah.

00:14:00.000 Yeah.

00:14:01.000 Well, that's one of the beautiful things about a little club, right?

00:14:03.000 Like the belly room. 0.58

00:14:05.000 When you're in that little room, little rooms like that are just like the truth serum.

00:14:09.000 Yep.

00:14:10.000 They keep you so honest, too. 1.00

00:14:12.000 And I think that, you know, with social media now, it's hard to not be corny and be full of shit. 0.99

00:14:20.000 It's not. 0.99

00:14:20.000 Because we're promoting ourselves. 0.99

00:14:22.000 We're going, hey, guys, come see me at the day.

00:14:23.000 It's like, how are we becoming the very thing that we make fun of?

00:14:27.000 It's way harder for people that don't have podcasts.

00:14:30.000 You know why?

00:14:30.000 Because they feel the need to express their opinions about certain things in a way that is kind of awkward.

00:14:39.000 We talk about things so much on podcasts that when you're on stage you can just talk shit. 0.99

00:14:45.000 And just have fun. 0.99

00:14:46.000 Well, they can't do that.

00:14:47.000 They feel like they have to establish their positions on Roe v.

00:14:51.000 Wade and establish their positions on this and that.

00:14:54.000 And they have to do that on stage, which is kind of crazy.

00:14:57.000 Because it's like, it's not a good way to do comedy.

00:15:01.000 Unless you have a really good bit about it.

00:15:03.000 If you have a really good Roe v.

00:15:05.000 Wade bit, yeah, great. 0.99

00:15:06.000 But if you're just bringing it up, just say, you know, we're in a bad time right now, and this fucking Roe v. 1.00

00:15:13.000 Wade makes my goddamn blood boil. 1.00

00:15:17.000 Yay! 1.00

00:15:19.000 Yay! 0.99

00:15:21.000 That is why I called this special Jokes.

00:15:24.000 Oh, is that what you called it?

00:15:25.000 It's called Jokes.

00:15:26.000 Really?

00:15:26.000 That's a great name.

00:15:27.000 Jokes.

00:15:28.000 And I know, you know, people tend to, you know, overthink their titles sometimes.

00:15:33.000 I think for the most part, nobody remembers any of the titles.

00:15:35.000 They're like, oh, it's the third one.

00:15:36.000 It was the one where he was in Chicago at the theater, right?

00:15:39.000 Right.

00:15:39.000 But I really wanted to let people know that I'm not going to lecture you on how to vote.

00:15:44.000 I'm not going to bring you in promising you comedy and then do a secret TED talk halfway through where I am vulnerable and talk about my abusive childhood.

00:15:54.000 I'm just trying to make you laugh. 0.77

00:15:55.000 I am a clown and I take that very seriously.

00:15:58.000 And I think there's just been this thing where comedians now feel like they have to weigh in on everything.

00:16:04.000 You know why?

00:16:06.000 Twitter.

00:16:06.000 Yeah.

00:16:07.000 That's what it is.

00:16:08.000 Yeah.

00:16:08.000 That's why I don't go on it.

00:16:10.000 These people are all toxic. 1.00

00:16:12.000 They're out of their fucking minds. 1.00

00:16:13.000 Have you seen Norm Macdonald's new special? 1.00

00:16:15.000 No, I haven't.

00:16:16.000 It's rough stuff.

00:16:18.000 It's rough for me to watch.

00:16:19.000 I don't want to get sad.

00:16:22.000 I cried a couple times.

00:16:24.000 I called Swartzen and I was like, I can't watch it. 1.00

00:16:26.000 And he's like, just watch it, you dumb cunt. 1.00

00:16:30.000 Get the fuck over yourself. 1.00

00:16:32.000 So I was like, okay, you're right, you're right. 0.99

00:16:33.000 What am I doing?

00:16:35.000 Because he does look, you know, he looks not very well.

00:16:38.000 He doesn't look well.

00:16:39.000 How long was it before he died that it was filmed?

00:16:43.000 Maybe a year or something?

00:16:44.000 It's called Nothing Special.

00:16:45.000 He shot it in his house like into a computer, into like an iPad.

00:16:49.000 And he did this why?

00:16:50.000 Did he do it?

00:16:51.000 During the pandemic.

00:16:52.000 Did he do it as a special?

00:16:55.000 I don't know if he intended for it to be a special or if it's just he shot it during the pandemic.

00:16:59.000 Well, I mean, must have.

00:16:59.000 And then he died and it was, you know...

00:17:02.000 But was he just experimenting with the material or was he...

00:17:05.000 You never know with Norm.

00:17:07.000 You never know how worked out it is.

00:17:10.000 And he had this joke.

00:17:11.000 He's just like, perfect.

00:17:13.000 He goes, you know, he's like, you know, now people want comedians to weigh in on like political issues.

00:17:18.000 And, you know, he's like, back during the Vietnam War, was everyone like, I wonder what red skeleton thinks.

00:17:26.000 It was just like, perfect.

00:17:28.000 And he wasn't preachy.

00:17:30.000 There's a way to do it.

00:17:31.000 There's a way to get your point across without being preachy.

00:17:34.000 So he said, I'm obviously going to butcher it.

00:17:36.000 Norm's one of my heroes.

00:17:37.000 So I'm sorry, Norm.

00:17:39.000 I'm stomping on your grave.

00:17:40.000 But he goes like, he's like, and I was watching the news, you know, and, you know, sometimes there's this, you know, guy giving you the news or woman.

00:17:51.000 Like if he mentions like, you know, sometimes there's like a guy there or girl.

00:17:57.000 Like, acknowledging the eggshells and just leaning hard in it, but not making a comment.

00:18:02.000 That was it.

00:18:04.000 And he just does stuff in such a deft, elegant way.

00:18:08.000 And he was mocking the idea that everyone needs to have a platform now for their cause.

00:18:14.000 And he's like, look, I know everyone's using comedy as their platform for their cause.

00:18:20.000 My cause, it is very important to me.

00:18:22.000 He's like, I am against...

00:18:25.000 Cannibalism.

00:18:25.000 And I know that you guys have probably made up your mind on cannibalism by now, and there's nothing I can do to change your mind, but I am against it.

00:18:35.000 And then he goes, but I'm not going to make this my bully pulpit.

00:18:39.000 And it's just bizarre and hilarious.

00:18:42.000 And it's just so weird.

00:18:45.000 And, you know, it's Norm.

00:18:46.000 Yeah, he had such a bizarrely unique sense of humor.

00:18:51.000 But it worked.

00:18:52.000 You know, just from him it worked.

00:18:54.000 Remember his Saget roast?

00:18:56.000 No.

00:18:58.000 I don't watch roasts.

00:19:00.000 This is Norm Macdonald.

00:19:02.000 Why is that funny?

00:19:03.000 That one was particular if I remember it too.

00:19:05.000 That was a good one?

00:19:06.000 It is, because the roasts you know.

00:19:07.000 I mean, it's Greg Dural.

00:19:09.000 I mean, it's all of us writing perfect, airtight, the most offensive, brutal jokes you can tell on the planet.

00:19:16.000 Which, by the way, I think I'm going to do a couple roasts on OnlyFans.

00:19:27.000 Really?

00:19:28.000 Isn't that crazy?

00:19:37.000 We'll see.

00:19:38.000 It could work.

00:19:39.000 I'll talk to them about it.

00:19:40.000 Interesting.

00:19:40.000 Dirty jokes you can't tell anywhere.

00:19:41.000 But you kind of can tell jokes that are funny anywhere.

00:19:44.000 You know what it is?

00:19:45.000 It's more like you're not going to get the blowback you would if it was just on Twitter or Instagram.

00:19:50.000 There's no comment.

00:19:51.000 There's a paywall.

00:19:51.000 So it's almost like a Patreon or something.

00:19:53.000 It's like if you're coming here and then you say anything, you're just a snitch.

00:19:57.000 You know what's bizarre about OnlyFans?

00:19:59.000 They don't have a search section.

00:20:01.000 We were reading this yesterday.

00:20:02.000 We're reading about how many people are on OnlyFans since 2019. I don't remember what the numbers were.

00:20:09.000 Do you remember what the numbers were?

00:20:09.000 It went from 70,000 in 2019 to just over a million in 2021 or something.

00:20:15.000 Yeah, so the pandemic created a lot of hoes. 1.00

00:20:18.000 They just needed to get their cash.

00:20:21.000 That's true.

00:20:22.000 I'm into it.

00:20:23.000 There's teachers making it.

00:20:24.000 We don't pay teachers enough. 0.99

00:20:25.000 If teachers go on OnlyFans and show their tits, like... 0.99

00:20:28.000 I know, but isn't that, like, sad? 0.99

00:20:31.000 Isn't it sad to make 30 grand a year?

00:20:33.000 It is sad to make 30 grand a year.

00:20:34.000 When you're teaching our next generation, yeah.

00:20:37.000 But what I'm saying is, isn't it sad that that's how they have to make money?

00:20:40.000 I mean, yeah, I guess.

00:20:42.000 It depends.

00:20:44.000 I just watched this.

00:20:44.000 Have you seen this documentary, The Most Hated Man on the Internet?

00:20:47.000 No.

00:20:48.000 Who is the most hated man on the internet?

00:20:50.000 His name is Hunter Moore.

00:20:53.000 I don't know.

00:20:53.000 Brandon Schaub just went like this.

00:20:59.000 I remember this guy.

00:21:09.000 That's I don't even want to get caught in these crosshairs.

00:21:13.000 I don't even want to be close to this. 0.99

00:21:17.000 Damn it. 0.99

00:21:18.000 There wasn't... 1.00

00:21:19.000 I literally...

00:21:21.000 Oof.

00:21:22.000 Oof, that was close.

00:21:25.000 Oh gosh!

00:21:27.000 By the way, goddammit, I just did Andrew Schultz's podcast.

00:21:31.000 I did a bunch of podcasts in New York and it was always like the countdown to when that was gonna come up.

00:21:35.000 I'm glad we just got it out of the way real early.

00:21:38.000 Listen, I love Brendan Shaw.

00:21:40.000 He's my homie.

00:21:41.000 He's always gonna be my... 1.00

00:21:42.000 I don't care what dumb shit he says. 1.00

00:21:44.000 I don't give a fuck. 1.00

00:21:45.000 I love that guy to death. 1.00

00:21:47.000 I'm a ride or die. 0.99

00:21:49.000 The amount of backlash and shit I got when I started and had a show out was brutal. 0.99

00:21:56.000 It was brutal. 0.99

00:21:57.000 I didn't know you then.

00:21:58.000 I met you at the Laugh Factory.

00:22:02.000 I remember I met you at the Laugh Factory.

00:22:04.000 I had already been kicked out of the comedy store.

00:22:07.000 And it was during my time where I was doing other clubs.

00:22:10.000 So it was somewhere around like 2007-ish or something like that.

00:22:15.000 Upstairs?

00:22:16.000 I met you...

00:22:17.000 I don't remember where I met you.

00:22:19.000 But I remember saying, can I get a hug?

00:22:21.000 You were in the corner crying.

00:22:23.000 Yeah, it's so weird to think that because I was at the comedy store when you were not and you were still such a big presence there in a way that it's...

00:22:31.000 Because Ari was there.

00:22:32.000 You know, it just was...

00:22:33.000 I don't know.

00:22:34.000 I felt like I knew you maybe before I knew you.

00:22:35.000 Yeah.

00:22:36.000 That was a weird time.

00:22:38.000 It was a weird time for you, too, because there was a lot of people hating on you because of your show.

00:22:43.000 Because it was so big.

00:22:44.000 You had these giant billboards and your face was everywhere. 0.99

00:22:48.000 You know, that's just one of those things where that fucking green envy monster pops out of people and they get so mad. 0.99

00:22:55.000 I'm a comic. 0.99

00:22:56.000 I know what you're making fun of.

00:22:57.000 If there was a show called Rita with some girl holding a beach ball being sassy, I would make fun of it too. 1.00

00:23:07.000 I was young and as a comedian you get an offer like that.

00:23:12.000 How old were you when you got Whitney?

00:23:14.000 27. Damn, that's crazy. 0.99

00:23:17.000 You have your own show at 27. And I wanted to hire all my friends. 1.00

00:23:21.000 I fought really hard, even though I had no power.

00:23:23.000 You know, I wrote the part for Chris D'Elia, you know, and I said, I don't want to do this without him.

00:23:27.000 Not that I even had any of that power at the time.

00:23:29.000 You know, of course, they want to cast like these actors that have been on nine shows and that have been on a bunch of failed shows.

00:23:34.000 You're like, why do I want someone that's... 0.60

00:23:36.000 People have voted they don't want to see.

00:23:39.000 What year was it that you started doing stand-up?

00:23:45.000 2004. So you were only doing stand-up for a short period of time.

00:23:50.000 How many years before you got your show?

00:23:53.000 Six.

00:23:54.000 That's wild.

00:23:55.000 That's wild.

00:23:56.000 Wild.

00:23:57.000 I was doing the roasts.

00:23:58.000 I was a writer for the roasts.

00:23:59.000 And then I was on the roasts.

00:24:02.000 And Comedy Central did not...

00:24:04.000 I never got Premium Blend.

00:24:05.000 I never got Gotham.

00:24:07.000 I never got New Faces in Montreal.

00:24:11.000 Which, really quick, just a joke that you might appreciate that I wrote for Joan Rivers at the Joan Rivers Roast, but didn't tell...

00:24:17.000 This is kind of an inside comedy thing.

00:24:19.000 Joan Rivers has had so much work done on her face.

00:24:22.000 Every year she books Montreal new faces.

00:24:28.000 And so then I did the Joan Rivers roast and I did so well that Comedy Central offered me a half hour.

00:24:35.000 And then I just was like, I wanted to do an hour.

00:24:39.000 Because, you know, they said no to me so many times.

00:24:42.000 Right, right.

00:24:42.000 As soon as I had leverage, I just was like...

00:24:44.000 Right, use it. 1.00

00:24:45.000 Fuck this. 1.00

00:24:46.000 Yeah, because also then, when comedians complain about their clips being, you know, broken up on Instagram or their stand-up being broken up, I always try to go, like, remember when we were on Comedy Central and they would break up our specials seven minutes and then a four-minute commercial and then five minutes? 1.00

00:25:03.000 They would just arbitrarily break it up anywhere and you only actually had 42 minutes to actually do stand-up. 0.97

00:25:10.000 Yeah, and your set was fucked up because sometimes those bits would continue after the commercial break and people would forget what the fucking premise is. 0.97

00:25:18.000 And if people were just tuning in, they had no idea. 1.00

00:25:21.000 They didn't give a shit. 0.99

00:25:22.000 They just shoved those commercials in there. 1.00

00:25:23.000 I remember.

00:25:24.000 It's like, and Adam and Eve!

00:25:26.000 I remember I used to do my second Comedy Central special.

00:25:29.000 I remember trying to time it.

00:25:31.000 Seven minutes, punchline, killer, and do like three mini sets with little closers instead of one big set.

00:25:38.000 Yeah.

00:25:38.000 Because of the way they would cut it up.

00:25:39.000 To be 27 and have your own show is so crazy.

00:25:43.000 Crazy.

00:25:43.000 It's so, like, so much pressure.

00:25:48.000 That must have been really overwhelming and weird.

00:25:51.000 Well, because I think at that point, you think more is more in terms of press, publicity, that kind of stuff.

00:25:56.000 Yeah, just keep doing it.

00:25:57.000 Do it all.

00:25:58.000 But it's also...

00:25:59.000 I didn't realize how, you know, it's interesting the way that, you know, whether it's our business or just people in general, they look at comedians as kind of these children that need to be babysat instead of these mature adults that have gone all around the country and, you know, comported ourselves. 0.98

00:26:14.000 Actually, we act like silly gooses sometimes, but we really have our shit together. 0.99

00:26:18.000 What we do is not easy, so... 0.99

00:26:20.000 Going in and when they were making the billboards and stuff, I was like, you guys, this looks like a cheesy sitcom from the 80s.

00:26:26.000 This looks like Veronica's Closet.

00:26:28.000 This looks like a Fran Drescher show from the 80s.

00:26:30.000 It was like, because it was multicam, it was like purple font.

00:26:33.000 And I didn't know what I was doing.

00:26:35.000 They do those photo shoots with you and they're like, you know, make this face.

00:26:38.000 Like, do this.

00:26:39.000 And I'm like... 0.70

00:26:40.000 And I was painted as the finger-wagging, annoying girlfriend.

00:26:44.000 But the show was like a role reversal.

00:26:46.000 It was about me, someone who had come from three divorces and was actually commitment-phobic, but in love with someone and trying to figure out how to...

00:26:53.000 Like someone who's kind of feral, trying to be domesticated to be in a normal relationship.

00:26:59.000 And people loved it.

00:27:01.000 They couldn't get past the multi-cam of it.

00:27:04.000 And which is weird because I feel like multicam is so respected in one in one way Cheers and well explain what to people what that means means you did it in front of a live audience Sure, like when you shoot show in front of live studio audience Roseanne.

00:27:17.000 So who couldn't get past that?

00:27:18.000 What do you mean they couldn't get past that?

00:27:20.000 I think people would just were so mad that I like Existed that they couldn't it was like well, that's a laugh track They were mad that you existed.

00:27:29.000 Maybe.

00:27:30.000 That's interesting.

00:27:32.000 So it's just...

00:27:32.000 Who are these people?

00:27:34.000 I don't know.

00:27:34.000 Like critics or other comics?

00:27:37.000 Like what do you...

00:27:38.000 I don't know.

00:27:39.000 I did two multicams that year.

00:27:42.000 Shows in front of a live studio audience.

00:27:44.000 The Whitney Show and then Two Broke Girls. 0.88

00:27:46.000 Two Broke Girls was on CBS. It was beloved and ended up going for six seasons.

00:27:50.000 That was a show that had other multicams.

00:27:52.000 Two and a Half Men, Big Bang Theory, Mike and Molly.

00:27:56.000 So the network was already sort of set up for that.

00:27:59.000 And anyone watching that network is already kind of...

00:28:02.000 I follow the office and community on...

00:28:05.000 Oh, I see.

00:28:07.000 So they were used to single cam things being shot kind of like a movie.

00:28:11.000 I think the Inside Cool Kids Club was like...

00:28:14.000 I got news for you. 1.00

00:28:17.000 That club sucks. 1.00

00:28:18.000 And those people that are in that club are all cunts. 1.00

00:28:24.000 The Inside Cool Kid Club? 1.00

00:28:26.000 Those are assholes pretending to not be assholes. 1.00

00:28:30.000 They're douchebags pretending to be kind and considerate. 1.00

00:28:34.000 And the irony is it's a lot of Harvard guys. 0.95

00:28:37.000 It's like Harvard lampoon guys.

00:28:39.000 Well, some of the best writers.

00:28:41.000 I've met a lot of great writers from Harvard.

00:28:43.000 It's kind of amazing how many good, like a lot of the guys from news radio.

00:28:47.000 We're Harvard guys.

00:28:49.000 Oh, interesting.

00:28:49.000 That lampoon thing, right?

00:28:50.000 Well, they're just really smart guys who became...

00:28:55.000 You got sort of ushered into this group, and it was a great way to use that intellect and that love of comedy and comedy writing.

00:29:05.000 And it was already a clearly established path.

00:29:08.000 You know, like Paul Sims had come through there and all these different...

00:29:11.000 And when they came through, it's like there was other ones that had already paved the path.

00:29:15.000 It was like, oh, I'll just go on to write for sitcoms.

00:29:18.000 Right.

00:29:18.000 And then, you know, hey, this guy's really funny.

00:29:21.000 We'll hire him.

00:29:21.000 He was also in, you know, The Lampoon.

00:29:24.000 But you're not better than me because you went to Harvard. 0.99

00:29:26.000 We're both telling dick jokes. 0.98

00:29:27.000 We're both doing dick jokes here, guys. 0.99

00:29:29.000 You know, I mean, that is always a part of Harvard, right? 0.95

00:29:32.000 A part of Ivy League education is that, you know, some people are going to feel like they're elite.

00:29:38.000 Right, right.

00:29:38.000 Which is fine if you're doing elite work, but there's a lot of people that were just not, you know, but they had the attitude.

00:29:45.000 Weren't you taking classes in a building that had Epstein etched on the top?

00:29:49.000 Didn't Harvard have Epstein money?

00:29:51.000 Did he?

00:29:51.000 Yeah.

00:29:52.000 Did he donate?

00:29:53.000 In the science, yeah.

00:29:54.000 Well, he definitely donated some money to science.

00:29:57.000 But I had a conversation with a scientist who didn't buy into that Epstein stuff and wouldn't go to the meetings and stuff like that.

00:30:05.000 And he said he was really shocked at how little money he actually donated.

00:30:11.000 Interesting.

00:30:11.000 Yeah, he goes, it wasn't that much money.

00:30:13.000 He goes, it was really like, he was, more than that, he was bringing them to parties.

00:30:20.000 Like, it was an intelligence operation.

00:30:24.000 Whoever was running it, whether it was the Mossad, or whether it was the CIA, or whether it was a combination of both, it was an intelligence operation.

00:30:33.000 They were bringing in people and compromising them.

00:30:35.000 And then when they would compromise them, they would use You know, whatever they had on them to influence their opinions and the way they expressed those opinions.

00:30:47.000 And I don't know why they would want to do that with scientists, which is really strange to me.

00:30:52.000 Epstein's like, I need you to do a study about how 15-year-old girls are adults.

00:30:57.000 They're more mature than we thought.

00:31:01.000 But if a scientist donates...

00:31:03.000 I'm sorry.

00:31:04.000 If a rich person donates to a scientist, do they have any ability to weigh in?

00:31:10.000 Or they're just like, here's a...

00:31:11.000 I get no decisions about how this money's spent.

00:31:15.000 It's a very good question.

00:31:16.000 I don't know.

00:31:18.000 I don't know.

00:31:19.000 I mean, I would imagine the money goes, like if you have a research grant, right, and say like you're working on a cure for leukemia or something like that, you know, you find established scientists that are working on this thing and then you allocate money so that they can work on projects.

00:31:34.000 Whether or not the person who donates the money has Any influence on how that money is spent, I doubt it.

00:31:41.000 I highly doubt it.

00:31:42.000 I don't think legitimate scientists would adhere to that.

00:31:45.000 Allow that, yeah.

00:31:45.000 Because, I mean, I know that just my, you know, if you're shooting an independent movie that has investors, Russian investors, Saudi investors, like, you have to hang out with them.

00:31:53.000 Oh, really?

00:31:54.000 Oh, yeah.

00:31:55.000 Oh, boring.

00:31:55.000 They're at Video Village.

00:31:56.000 Like, it's kind of the, it's like you have to flirt with them.

00:31:59.000 Here it says, Epstein regularly visited, had card key access to, and was provided a designated office space within the program in evolutionary dynamics until 2018. So that means they gave him that at Harvard after he had been arrested for fucking underage girls. 0.98

00:32:19.000 Had an office. 0.99

00:32:19.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:32:20.000 Granting him that level of access raises serious questions about the compliance with Harvard's policies, and beginning in 2017, about whether or not the Professor Nowak acted in deliberate circumvention of Harvard's security procedures.

00:32:34.000 So he was arrested, and he already did time by then, which is crazy.

00:32:40.000 It's also like, at first I was like, oh God, he was on campus with all these girls.

00:32:44.000 How scary.

00:32:45.000 But they were probably too old for him.

00:32:46.000 So look at this here.

00:32:47.000 Harvard University said Friday that convicted sex offender Jeffrey Epstein donated more than $9 million to the university over the course of a decade and had an office on campus after his 2006 arrest.

00:33:00.000 Nope.

00:33:00.000 So he was arrested in 2006, and then after that, up until 2018, still had an office there.

00:33:09.000 That is why old.

00:33:12.000 But here's the thing.

00:33:14.000 Whatever he was doing, and I don't know why he was doing it, you know, and no one knows now that he's dead, but he had a lot of scientists that he was tight with.

00:33:26.000 And that was one of the things that he did, was bring these scientists to that island.

00:33:30.000 And he would have young girls on that island.

00:33:33.000 But like, what's the end goal there?

00:33:35.000 This is what I don't understand.

00:33:36.000 And what's really crazy is Ghislaine Maxwell is in a minimum security prison.

00:33:43.000 She is allowed to do yoga.

00:33:45.000 She's allowed to hang out and watch TV. She's watched Netflix.

00:33:48.000 Is she allowed to use email to send us the list? 0.95

00:33:51.000 That's what I was gonna say.

00:33:52.000 The list.

00:33:54.000 Has not been released. 1.00

00:33:55.000 Like, there is a fucking list. 0.99

00:33:57.000 And this is not a mystery. 0.99

00:33:59.000 There's not a mystery to the people that are prosecuting her.

00:34:02.000 There's her hippocampus.

00:34:02.000 Pull out her hippocampus.

00:34:04.000 Have Elan put that freaking thought reading. 0.79

00:34:07.000 Elan? 0.89

00:34:07.000 Who's that? 0.89

00:34:07.000 Is that Elan's brother? 0.89

00:34:08.000 Sorry.

00:34:08.000 No.

00:34:10.000 You know what?

00:34:11.000 I've been friends with Elan Gold for so long.

00:34:14.000 Oh, Elan Gold.

00:34:15.000 Well, Elan Gold probably can do an impression of Elon Musk, so there you go.

00:34:20.000 Elon Gold does amazing impressions.

00:34:22.000 He used to call me and prank me as other people all the time. 0.97

00:34:25.000 And one time he called me as Jeff Goldblum and I was like busy and I was like, stop fucking bothering me, dude. 0.95

00:34:29.000 And I kept hanging up on him. 0.77

00:34:30.000 And then like an hour later, it was actually Jeff Goldblum.

00:34:33.000 He's like, oh, this is actually me.

00:34:34.000 Can you stop hanging up on me?

00:34:37.000 So random.

00:34:38.000 But let me ask you.

00:34:40.000 Is it something as insane as this?

00:34:43.000 Because what's more profitable than new cutting-edge science, whether it's a prescription, whether it's a finding, whether it's a something?

00:34:50.000 If he donates to some kind of scientific discovery that's going to be lucrative down the line, a pill, a medicine, a cure, does he get any kind of power over it or money from it?

00:35:01.000 Well, some of these scientists were string theory physicists. 0.99

00:35:04.000 Like, they're not inventing shit. 0.85

00:35:07.000 Some of the stuff that they were working on is like this very bizarre, I mean, theoretical stuff. 0.96

00:35:15.000 I don't know how that's applicable to anything financial.

00:35:19.000 I mean, maybe I'm wrong.

00:35:20.000 Maybe I'm missing a connection.

00:35:22.000 I was just going to say, if you donate to University of Austin, to the cancer research, and they discover the cure for cancer, and you donated, you should get...

00:35:30.000 Get a piece.

00:35:30.000 A little piece of that.

00:35:31.000 A little back end of that.

00:35:32.000 Nice little taste.

00:35:34.000 You probably do.

00:35:35.000 I mean, they definitely have that with some medical inventions.

00:35:41.000 So I digressed about this guy Trevor Moore.

00:35:45.000 Did you remember there was a site called Are You Up?

00:35:49.000 Is anyone up?

00:35:50.000 Is anyone up?

00:35:51.000 Is this the most hated man on the internet?

00:35:52.000 Well, that's what the documentary's called on Netflix.

00:35:54.000 Oh, right, right, right.

00:35:55.000 And he would, like, right in the Wild Wild West days of the internet, before the laws caught up with what was going on, he would take photos of girls, like, anything crazy.

00:36:05.000 It was kind of like the first, like, 4chan or 8chan, don't you think?

00:36:09.000 It was definitely a blog that people went to a lot, and revenge porn.

00:36:14.000 Oh, it was revenge porn.

00:36:16.000 But then it sort of escalated into...

00:36:18.000 Oh.

00:36:39.000 And then he put the photo up and then she had kids.

00:36:42.000 So she's like, can you please get it down?

00:36:43.000 And then he was, this is the Marine that took him down.

00:36:48.000 And then you know who else took him down?

00:36:49.000 Anonymous.

00:36:51.000 I love Anonymous.

00:36:52.000 But so that's his ex-girlfriend. 1.00

00:36:55.000 But he said, put a phone in your butt and I'm going to call it and video yourself with a phone ringing in your butt. 1.00

00:37:01.000 How's she got a phone on her butt? 1.00

00:37:03.000 It's on there. 0.99

00:37:05.000 What kind of phone are we talking about?

00:37:06.000 Like a Nokia?

00:37:07.000 It must have been a flip phone.

00:37:10.000 Razor phone?

00:37:11.000 I had a little one back in the day that was like a candy bar phone.

00:37:14.000 Yeah, it feels like a Cricut wireless.

00:37:19.000 Some of them were pretty small. 0.99

00:37:20.000 Some of them I can imagine going on your butt. 0.99

00:37:22.000 Some of the early ones. 1.00

00:37:24.000 But, well, because then he was like, put your fist in your butt. 1.00

00:37:28.000 Oh. 1.00

00:37:29.000 Escalated, escalated.

00:37:30.000 Your whole fist?

00:37:31.000 Yeah, it's not great.

00:37:33.000 It's not ideal.

00:37:34.000 But I don't...

00:37:35.000 How do you get back there?

00:37:36.000 It's a great question.

00:37:38.000 Some people are flexible.

00:37:39.000 I mean, how...

00:37:40.000 At least we know why the site was so big.

00:37:42.000 How flexible are you?

00:37:43.000 It might be a front way.

00:37:45.000 No, that's not going to work.

00:37:46.000 That might be the only way.

00:37:48.000 Here's the other thing. 1.00

00:37:48.000 This is something else that's nuts, is he would tell his followers, like, punch yourself in the face. 1.00

00:37:53.000 Like, he would dare his followers to do crazy stuff and film it, and then he'd put it on the site. 0.79

00:37:58.000 There's videos of people just like punching themselves in the face.

00:38:00.000 It's so hard to watch.

00:38:02.000 But what he had been doing was he was intercepting photos of girls, guys, the private photos from their emails, posting it with their address, their workplace, and the kink for him. 0.82

00:38:14.000 It wasn't just like porn or sex. 0.81

00:38:15.000 It was like We're good to go. 0.87

00:38:20.000 We're good to go.

00:38:47.000 Somebody sent it to me.

00:38:48.000 It's one of my daily email updates, so I definitely have it.

00:38:52.000 And then he put it on like a Pornhub or something?

00:38:54.000 Yeah, something like that.

00:38:56.000 Something like that. 0.99

00:38:57.000 But were they just having sex with him just to make a fun sex tape? 0.99

00:39:00.000 I think he paid him. 0.99

00:39:02.000 I'm not exactly sure.

00:39:04.000 I'll tell you in a moment.

00:39:05.000 But it's, you know...

00:39:07.000 But it's interesting, because back then, I was watching it as...

00:39:10.000 You finding it?

00:39:12.000 I found an article on Fox about it.

00:39:14.000 Hold on a second.

00:39:15.000 But I remember the time that you came up to me after a set at the store.

00:39:20.000 Yeah, Pornside owner coerced 100 women to film videos he said wouldn't be posted online.

00:39:27.000 Oh, would this be maybe like that backroom couch guy?

00:39:30.000 I don't know how that it is, but I don't...

00:39:31.000 Those are a lot of people's favorites.

00:39:34.000 The ones that are...

00:39:35.000 The couch ones.

00:39:36.000 They're like, I've never done this before. 1.00

00:39:39.000 Had sex on a shitty couch? 1.00

00:39:41.000 No, no, no, no. 1.00

00:39:42.000 Shot backstage at Flappers Comedy Club? 0.99

00:39:45.000 Like, have you ever done porn? 0.98

00:39:46.000 No. 0.96

00:39:47.000 And then next thing you know, they're blowing a guy on film.

00:39:49.000 What's with the stepbrother thing?

00:39:52.000 I'll tell you what that is.

00:39:53.000 Please.

00:39:54.000 First of all, it's the pandemic.

00:39:56.000 Everybody had to get stuck inside.

00:39:57.000 And because everyone's stuck inside, like say if you and I were married and you had a 17-year-old son and I had a 17-year-old daughter and we just got married and they're not related to each other.

00:40:11.000 And all of a sudden they're in the house together.

00:40:13.000 Yep. 1.00

00:40:14.000 That's the premise, except the 17-year-olds are really in their fucking 20s and, you know, they're porno stars. 0.99

00:40:20.000 So that's what it is. 0.99

00:40:21.000 It's like, my dad told me that you're supposed to be my sister, but you don't fucking seem like my sister. 0.99

00:40:27.000 Well, you just helped me load this laundry into the fucking dryer. 0.99

00:40:31.000 Oh my god, I'm stuck. 0.99

00:40:35.000 Yeah.

00:40:36.000 Stuck porn's different stuff.

00:40:37.000 Stuck porn?

00:40:38.000 No, no, no. 1.00

00:40:39.000 There's a lot of stuck porn with stepdaughters. 1.00

00:40:41.000 Well, yeah, yeah, but... 0.99

00:40:42.000 You combine the genres.

00:40:43.000 Okay, okay.

00:40:44.000 Why is it so confusing to you?

00:40:45.000 I think...

00:40:46.000 I mean, it's hard to get stuck in a dryer unless you're Brad Williams.

00:40:49.000 Well, I was watching this girl get stuck under a bed. 1.00

00:40:51.000 I'm like... 1.00

00:40:52.000 Bitch, you are not stuck. 1.00

00:40:53.000 I see all this air underneath your stomach. 1.00

00:40:55.000 You are pretending you're stuck so you can get fucked. 1.00

00:40:59.000 You're trying to get fucked. 1.00

00:41:00.000 Your ass is straight up in the air. 1.00

00:41:02.000 I know what you're doing. 1.00

00:41:03.000 I'm not dumb.

00:41:04.000 That reminded me of Liam Neeson under the bed for Taken.

00:41:09.000 You know, remember who was under the bed giving the speech?

00:41:11.000 No.

00:41:11.000 Of Taken, like, I have a very specific set of skills.

00:41:14.000 He was under the bed when he said that?

00:41:15.000 Yeah.

00:41:15.000 Also, have you seen all the pictures of Liam Neeson pissing himself?

00:41:20.000 Ciao.

00:41:21.000 Ciao.

00:41:22.000 Why is he pissing himself?

00:41:22.000 Is he hammered?

00:41:24.000 Is that what it is, Jamie?

00:41:25.000 I haven't seen it.

00:41:26.000 It is.

00:41:27.000 It was brought to my attention on my podcast recently by a guest that Liam Neeson, there's many photos of him pissing.

00:41:34.000 Many?

00:41:34.000 Having pissed his...

00:41:35.000 It's shocking.

00:41:36.000 So he just pisses himself a lot?

00:41:37.000 I think he just gets drunk and pisses himself. 1.00

00:41:39.000 Damn. 1.00

00:41:39.000 Do you see him? 1.00

00:41:40.000 Yeah.

00:41:40.000 Dude, it's shocking.

00:41:42.000 Well, why aren't you showing us, Jamie?

00:41:43.000 I was trying to find a good version to show you.

00:41:45.000 There's so many.

00:41:46.000 I thought it was going to be one or two.

00:41:47.000 There's so many.

00:41:49.000 It's...

00:41:49.000 Unapologetic pants pissing a thread.

00:41:53.000 It's...

00:41:54.000 What?

00:41:55.000 Dude, it's wild.

00:41:57.000 Because guys, I know after you pee, there's sometimes a little dot of pee. 0.58

00:42:01.000 No, that's a lot of piss.

00:42:03.000 Dude, it's wild.

00:42:04.000 He just does this a lot?

00:42:05.000 He looks hammered every time, though.

00:42:07.000 So how does he piss all over himself all the time?

00:42:09.000 Is that his thing?

00:42:10.000 There's four pictures. 1.00

00:42:11.000 He's got a leaky dick? 1.00

00:42:13.000 If you go on images and do Liam Neeson pisses himself, it's everywhere. 1.00

00:42:19.000 Really?

00:42:20.000 It's brutal.

00:42:21.000 Fascinating.

00:42:22.000 Wouldn't you know?

00:42:23.000 Wouldn't you feel it? 1.00

00:42:24.000 Maybe he doesn't give a fuck. 1.00

00:42:25.000 Maybe. 1.00

00:42:26.000 It's pretty gangster.

00:42:27.000 Maybe it's Liam Neeson. 1.00

00:42:28.000 He doesn't give a fuck. 0.99

00:42:29.000 Oh, Jesus. 1.00

00:42:30.000 There's a lot of pictures of him with piss all over his dick. 1.00

00:42:34.000 And it's also like no one around him is protecting him. 1.00

00:42:38.000 Protecting him. 0.93

00:42:39.000 Or it could be some troll online that is taking all these photos of Liam Neeson and putting little piss stains.

00:42:44.000 That's what I thought of at first, but there's too many, I think. 0.90

00:42:47.000 There's too many.

00:42:48.000 No, there's not too many. 0.99

00:42:49.000 Well, some fucking guy on Reddit is just like dosing up these pictures. 0.96

00:42:53.000 So what's going to happen in terms of that? 0.99

00:42:55.000 Like, is there ever going to be evidence, photo evidence again?

00:42:58.000 Or will you have to show metadata to prove that a photo hasn't been altered?

00:43:02.000 There's no way in 10 years from now, there's no way you're going to know whether or not that's a video of you.

00:43:09.000 There's no way.

00:43:10.000 I mean, there's 100% celebrity porn now that has not been shot with that actual celebrity.

00:43:17.000 Mm-hmm.

00:43:18.000 That's already been done, right?

00:43:20.000 We were talking about Tom Cruise earlier.

00:43:21.000 I'm sure you've seen the deepfake, the guy with Tom Cruise that does Tom Cruise.

00:43:25.000 Have you seen it?

00:43:25.000 Yes, yes, yes.

00:43:26.000 It's incredible.

00:43:27.000 I mean, you cannot believe that's not really Tom Cruise.

00:43:30.000 And this is just the beginning.

00:43:32.000 I mean, this is just...

00:43:33.000 What we're at now is...

00:43:35.000 This is just introductory technology.

00:43:39.000 What it's going to be in a few years from now, it will be CGI rendered and impossible to detect.

00:43:46.000 You'll be able to watch celebrities do things that aren't even actually being done.

00:43:51.000 Like right now, you can take a girl and you could put a celebrity woman's face on that girl and that girl would do porn and it looks like a celebrity is doing porn. 1.00

00:44:00.000 Right.

00:44:00.000 But in the future, you're going to be able to watch an artificial version of that person do everything.

00:44:06.000 Mm-hmm. 1.00

00:44:07.000 Commit murder, fuck herself with a cross. 1.00

00:44:11.000 There will be no person that has actually done it. 1.00

00:44:14.000 But that uncanny valley between artificial CGI rendered images and what we know to be real images, where your mind can discern the difference, that will be gone in ten years.

00:44:27.000 But do you think that laws are going to catch up at some point in that it's going to become so illegal?

00:44:32.000 Some dad is going to lose.

00:44:34.000 I mean, this is where dads step in.

00:44:36.000 It's unmanageable. 0.74

00:44:37.000 But this is when a bunch of dads go, oh, my daughter is doing porn she never did. 1.00

00:44:43.000 Right.

00:44:43.000 Some law is going to be passed.

00:44:44.000 Because right now, if you leak a celebrity photo, I mean, the person that leaked, I guess, Scarlett Johansson is the person that... 0.86

00:44:51.000 Retaliated.

00:44:51.000 He went to jail for eight years for just releasing a nude photo.

00:44:55.000 So, you know, maybe if the punishment is severe enough, people will be deterred from doing it.

00:45:00.000 I don't know.

00:45:01.000 Who's the girl from Hunger Games?

00:45:03.000 Jennifer Lawrence.

00:45:04.000 Yeah, a bunch of her stuff got leaked, right?

00:45:06.000 Yeah.

00:45:07.000 People got in trouble for that.

00:45:08.000 Yeah.

00:45:08.000 I mean, as they should.

00:45:09.000 And the interesting thing about it is it doesn't feel like it hurt her in any way. 0.88

00:45:12.000 Because if you admit you looked at it, you're kind of the weirdo.

00:45:15.000 So it's like no one will really admit if they looked at it.

00:45:17.000 One thing if you do porn on purpose, and it's another thing if you do something in the privacy of your own home and it gets leaked.

00:45:23.000 Like, this is the Kim Kardashian dilemma.

00:45:25.000 Because, like, did she leak that, or did that get leaked?

00:45:29.000 You know?

00:45:30.000 Because if she was doing porn on purpose... 1.00

00:45:33.000 Or was she leaking?

00:45:36.000 Sorry.

00:45:37.000 We'll just call it Liam Neeson-y. 0.99

00:45:38.000 If she leaked it on purpose, then it's like, okay, are you a porn star? 0.98

00:45:43.000 What are you doing?

00:45:44.000 But if it gets leaked, like, I can't believe this, this is crazy, then you're a victim, and it's okay.

00:45:52.000 You came up to me at the comedy store once, and I had done the bit about my boob getting leaked.

00:45:59.000 Remember that bit?

00:46:00.000 It's in my special.

00:46:01.000 Yes.

00:46:02.000 I was on edibles in my bathtub one night. 1.00

00:46:07.000 Fucking idiot. 1.00

00:46:08.000 I can't do edibles, Joe. 1.00

00:46:09.000 I don't have the personality for it.

00:46:12.000 I'm too neurotic.

00:46:13.000 So I'm in the bathtub.

00:46:14.000 I'm so high that I'm like, let me make an Instagram story.

00:46:17.000 Let me talk to my followers.

00:46:19.000 I'm like, hey, guys.

00:46:22.000 Hey, are you ever in the bathtub?

00:46:24.000 Isn't this crazy? 1.00

00:46:26.000 Like, just dumb. 1.00

00:46:26.000 Right. 1.00

00:46:27.000 And then I get out, and then I go to, like, check it, because I'm just so high.

00:46:33.000 You know when you post something, you're like, I want to see if it's going to get in the algorithm?

00:46:36.000 Whenever I open it, there's like 15 missed calls since my friends are like, I had just videoed my tit.

00:46:40.000 Like, just a crazy person.

00:46:43.000 Uploaded it.

00:46:44.000 On the Instagram story. 0.88

00:46:46.000 And then I took it down, and then a couple months later, before I had that last special coming out on Netflix, I got an email where someone said, if you don't pay me $15,000, I'll sell this photo of your boobs to a tabloid. 1.00

00:46:57.000 And it was a screen grab of that video.

00:47:00.000 Someone had screen grabbed it before I took it down.

00:47:02.000 For me, I'm making light of it.

00:47:05.000 No one should be okay with this.

00:47:07.000 I felt in a weird way, like, oh, maybe the universe...

00:47:10.000 Like, gave me this problem to talk about because I'm fine.

00:47:14.000 Like, of all the things of mine on the internet, that's the least embarrassing.

00:47:17.000 Like, I have a lot of, you know, sets from random shows that, you know, would be way more embarrassing.

00:47:24.000 Some sets from the Ice House from 15 years ago.

00:47:27.000 Way more pornographic.

00:47:29.000 Dude.

00:47:30.000 Yeah, like I always say, like, to me, the only thing that I was really embarrassed of in my cloud were all the screen grabs of inspirational quotes.

00:47:39.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:47:40.000 Like, that's the shit you have got to delete. 0.99

00:47:42.000 Like, when you go through your phone when a hacker has it, you're like, oh, God, all these screen grabs of David Goggins. 0.99

00:47:48.000 Like, this is embarrassing.

00:47:50.000 And so I didn't pay him.

00:47:52.000 I ended up just posting it myself and making a joke out of it. 0.99

00:47:55.000 And then Bert posted his balls. 0.98

00:47:56.000 And it was just comedians. 0.99

00:47:58.000 We were able to make jokes about it, you know?

00:48:01.000 But I can see how it didn't feel super violating to me because I think I kind of violate myself for a living a little bit, you know, as a performer.

00:48:09.000 It's just not something that I, you know, feel precious about.

00:48:12.000 And I don't have to worry about getting a job or getting into a school and someone Googling me and seeing something that's going to ruin my reputation.

00:48:18.000 It's already ruined.

00:48:20.000 Well, it's not a big deal.

00:48:21.000 It's not a big deal.

00:48:22.000 Yeah, I mean, it's certainly not a big deal to you.

00:48:24.000 What did I say to you?

00:48:25.000 Oh, you just said you were like, that was really funny.

00:48:27.000 Oh, okay.

00:48:28.000 Because I really want to make sure that it didn't feel preachy or luxury.

00:48:31.000 Nah. 0.98

00:48:31.000 You know, I just want it to be funny, but also go like, this is a fucked up thing that happened. 0.98

00:48:36.000 No, you're pretty self-aware of that. 0.92

00:48:37.000 You're not really a person that ever comes off as preachy or luxury.

00:48:41.000 You're real self-aware of not falling into that trap, which is so important for some people.

00:48:47.000 But, you know, again, I say it again because you have a podcast.

00:48:50.000 And because, like, anything that you want to talk about that's, like, a serious issue, you're not under the constraints of being funny.

00:48:56.000 Like, when you take a serious issue and you want to discuss it on stage in a comedy club...

00:49:04.000 Boy, that's a project.

00:49:06.000 It can be done, but also you could fall into this trap like Lenny Bruce did, where in the later stages of his life, he was just reading off legal transcripts on stage because he had important things that he needed to talk about and he didn't have a podcast.

00:49:21.000 And I think there's also a way to do it, you know, that's, look, I just, I get very simple about it. 0.98

00:49:25.000 I get very, I think sometimes the hardest thing is, you know, the smartest thing is to just get really simple and go like, okay, if I was going to a hardware store and I wanted to buy a hammer and they only had oranges, I'd be like, What the fuck, guys? 0.98

00:49:37.000 Like someone's coming to a comedy club. 0.98

00:49:39.000 You're a comedian.

00:49:41.000 You have promised them laughs.

00:49:43.000 You have promised them you're going to forget about your problems.

00:49:46.000 I have promised you and you're paying me money for an hour of uncontrollable laughter. 0.99

00:49:52.000 And if bringing up politics, bringing up Trump, like, you know, it's just not conducive to unless you fucking have it so honed. 0.69

00:49:59.000 Unless they're prepared to see a political comedian, whether it's Marr or whoever. 0.62

00:50:02.000 But you better really make sure that you're not dividing people and upsetting people.

00:50:07.000 But even Marr, when Marr delivers this political comedy, it's always comedy.

00:50:11.000 Always.

00:50:12.000 Always.

00:50:12.000 It's always in comedy joke form.

00:50:16.000 The people that want to do that sort of TED Talk type thing, I mean, it's one thing if you're doing it in a theater and people come to see you, if you're like a Hannah Gadsby.

00:50:26.000 Do a TED Talk!

00:50:26.000 Yeah, do a TED Talk!

00:50:27.000 Being like Hannah Gadsby.

00:50:29.000 That's not a TED Talk.

00:50:30.000 But they already know now.

00:50:31.000 She did her Netflix special.

00:50:33.000 They know what kind of comedy she does. 0.96

00:50:35.000 That's great.

00:50:36.000 But at a comedy club, if they don't know you, or if you're one on a lineup, and you want to do that, that's nuts.

00:50:43.000 It's like you're doing a thing that's not supposed to be done in that place.

00:50:47.000 I just look, and I know that there's a, you know, and I don't mean to bring gender into it, because I don't see gender.

00:50:53.000 You don't see it at all?

00:50:54.000 I'm joking.

00:50:54.000 No, that was a total joke.

00:50:55.000 I can help you see it.

00:50:55.000 That was a joke.

00:50:58.000 But I do have to tell you this L.A. story in a second.

00:51:01.000 Oh, because I got a rabies vaccine.

00:51:05.000 You did?

00:51:05.000 I'm on my third shot of a rabies vaccine.

00:51:07.000 Why?

00:51:08.000 Because a raccoon ran out of my leg.

00:51:10.000 Oh, that's right.

00:51:11.000 Oh, you were telling me about that.

00:51:13.000 So did the raccoon have rabies?

00:51:18.000 I think?

00:51:27.000 Although, I do think more and more people are going to die from wild animals because they're watching Instagram and TikTok.

00:51:33.000 And you can find any dangerous animal, like, snuggling up with a human.

00:51:36.000 Like, I definitely have seen videos of people, like, friends with raccoons.

00:51:41.000 They have a pet raccoon.

00:51:42.000 And I'm like, well, maybe raccoons are nice. 1.00

00:51:44.000 Like, stupid idiot. 1.00

00:51:45.000 And it ran up on my leg. 1.00

00:51:47.000 The next day it's acting weird.

00:51:49.000 I call animal control.

00:51:50.000 And I'm like, hey, guys, I think I have, like, a...

00:51:52.000 Raccoon issue here.

00:51:53.000 This is classic California animal control.

00:51:55.000 She goes, well, it's probably just sleeping.

00:51:59.000 And I was like, okay, I know, but it's like in a tree.

00:52:04.000 It just looks weird.

00:52:05.000 She goes, well, yeah, well, that's where they live. 0.99

00:52:08.000 And I was like, no, I know that.

00:52:10.000 And she's like, well, I'm not going to remove an animal from its home. 1.00

00:52:13.000 I was like, bitch, I'm going to kill it if you don't come get it, but okay. 1.00

00:52:18.000 And then she went, okay, well, the problem is that a lot of people in L.A., they are testing their cocaine for fentanyl, and if it tests positive, they're flushing it down the toilet. 0.99

00:52:27.000 So we're having a lot of cases of animals that we think are just on fentanyl.

00:52:31.000 What?

00:52:33.000 So they flush it down the toilet, and then it goes through into the water...

00:52:38.000 But how does it get to the animal?

00:52:40.000 The animal drinks the toilet water?

00:52:42.000 They seem to think this is a common thing.

00:52:44.000 I don't know if it's in the LA river or in the LA water supply. 0.99

00:52:46.000 It might be really dumb, undereducated people answering the phones. 0.99

00:52:51.000 That's probably true also. 0.99

00:52:53.000 Yeah.

00:52:53.000 That's probably true also.

00:52:54.000 But a lot of people in LA, everyone that I've heard, if they're going to do cocaine, which if you're testing your cocaine, go call your dad.

00:53:02.000 Get that apology you needed.

00:53:05.000 Go back to one.

00:53:07.000 If you're sitting around at a club putting a strip in cocaine and being like, all right, guys, we have to wait 20 minutes.

00:53:14.000 Take a good hard look in the mirror.

00:53:16.000 Yeah.

00:53:17.000 And then they wait.

00:53:17.000 And if it's positive for fentanyl, they're like, well, we can't do this.

00:53:20.000 But those are the last people that want to take a look in the mirror.

00:53:23.000 Yeah.

00:53:23.000 People doing coke.

00:53:24.000 Yeah, dude.

00:53:25.000 I know so many people now that are like, yeah, I have to test my cocaine.

00:53:28.000 I'm like, you're 48. Like, what are you with two kids?

00:53:31.000 Like, it's Tuesday.

00:53:33.000 Like, what are you doing?

00:53:35.000 Do Adderall like an adult.

00:53:36.000 There's a lot of people out here that do coke.

00:53:38.000 Yeah.

00:53:38.000 There's a lot of people out here that party extra hard because they don't feel legit.

00:53:46.000 They don't feel like they're connected to New York or LA, so they kind of have to extra hard party out here.

00:53:53.000 There's wife swappers out here. 1.00

00:53:55.000 There's a lot of freaky shit going on out here. 0.99

00:53:57.000 You also got all those tech dorks. 1.00

00:53:58.000 Tech dorks.

00:53:59.000 The tech dorks are everywhere. 0.96

00:54:01.000 Nobody fucked them for 34 years, and they've got a shitload of money. 0.97

00:54:05.000 Then maybe roll your jeans down, guys. 0.99

00:54:08.000 I don't think they need to.

00:54:32.000 That's like, we're better than you, we're super progressive, and we're these future heroes, we're doing all this tech, but all you're doing is working on a bunch of apps that take people's data.

00:54:44.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:54:46.000 This whole thing that you think you're heroes, but you don't even understand what your boss's goals are?

00:54:50.000 TikTok has an office here.

00:54:52.000 We read the terms of service the other day, me and Theo did, and it made it to the front page of Fox News.

00:54:57.000 I did see that.

00:54:59.000 I did see that. 1.00

00:55:00.000 The fucking terms of service are insane. 0.99

00:55:02.000 Well, here's the other thing, and I say this as someone that uses the Aura band and the Whoop band, but I'm also like, well, that's like collecting our breaths and our sleep. 0.99

00:55:13.000 Well, 23andMe collected your DNA. But that, I would argue, they found serial killers with that.

00:55:21.000 Oh, did they?

00:55:22.000 Yeah, they found the Golden State Killer, isn't it?

00:55:24.000 That's how they found him?

00:55:25.000 Wasn't that Patton Oswalt's wife?

00:55:27.000 Yes.

00:55:27.000 His wife had written a book about the Golden State Killer.

00:55:30.000 Basically, they couldn't find him.

00:55:32.000 He was at large.

00:55:33.000 His niece or something took a 23andMe test, having no idea.

00:55:37.000 And then they were able to go arrest him.

00:55:40.000 DNA from genealogy site used to catch suspected Golden State Killer.

00:55:46.000 Joseph James D'Angelo, 72, former police officer, was arrested on Tuesday.

00:55:52.000 Oh, boy.

00:55:54.000 Is that, what, 50 years later?

00:55:55.000 More than three decades after his trail went cold, one of California's most prolific killers and rapists was caught using online genealogical sites to find a DNA match, prosecutors say.

00:56:07.000 Investigators compared the DNA collected from a crime scene of the Golden State Killer to online genetic profiles and found a match, a relative of the man police have identified as Joseph James D'Angelo.

00:56:20.000 Isn't that nuts?

00:56:21.000 Wow.

00:56:22.000 Because it's tricky because people would be like, you can't do 23andMe, they're gonna take your data.

00:56:26.000 It's like, I'd rather them have my email than serial killers be loose.

00:56:29.000 Yeah.

00:56:30.000 You know?

00:56:32.000 Yeah, yeah, definitely.

00:56:33.000 But the problem is like, what are they gonna do with that data?

00:56:35.000 There's a thing that just came out recently that they're going to be able to target specific individuals for assassination by using a genetic weapon that is geared entirely towards your DNA. That's fucked. 0.99

00:56:49.000 The day where... 1.00

00:56:50.000 Yeah, look at this.

00:56:51.000 Oof.

00:56:52.000 The day where if you're allergic to peanuts or something and I can just walk by you on a plane and throw peanuts on your plate or something.

00:57:00.000 So hold up that.

00:57:02.000 23andMe sold your genetic data to GlaxoSmithKline.

00:57:06.000 Click on that. 1.00

00:57:08.000 What the fuck? 1.00

00:57:09.000 So that's wild. 1.00

00:57:11.000 And GlaxoSmithKline is a...

00:57:13.000 Pharmaceutical company.

00:57:14.000 Oy, bleh.

00:57:15.000 That's the pharmaceutical company that got sued for Re-Equip.

00:57:19.000 Do you know the Re-Equip story?

00:57:20.000 No.

00:57:22.000 Re-Equip was a drug, I think it was for Parkinson's disease.

00:57:27.000 I think that's what it was for.

00:57:29.000 And this guy got on it and it... 1.00

00:57:33.000 Rewired his fucking brain so hard he became a gay sex and gambling junkie. 1.00

00:57:38.000 He was a married, heterosexual man, got on this stuff, and all he wanted to do was suck cock and roll dice. 1.00

00:57:49.000 This is why it's crazy. 1.00

00:57:51.000 It's because this guy was meeting up with people he didn't even know and fucking them. 1.00

00:57:59.000 Total loss of impulse control and crazy desires to do gay stuff. 1.00

00:58:04.000 What's nuts about this, you're saying, oh, well, God, maybe it's just an excuse. 0.97

00:58:08.000 Maybe the guy was gay and was ashamed and the drug released his inhibitions. 0.75

00:58:12.000 He was into ancient Greek culture. 0.94

00:58:14.000 Right.

00:58:14.000 He won in court.

00:58:15.000 They paid him the equivalent, I think it was in Irish court, they paid him the equivalent of $600,000.

00:58:21.000 Oh, it was a French man.

00:58:23.000 Parkinson's patient has been urged to stop, not to stop taking their medication. 1.00

00:58:29.000 Keep rolling the dice and keep sucking those dicks. 1.00

00:58:33.000 Because it emerged that a French man won a six-figure payout over a drug that turned him into a gay sex and gambling addict. 1.00

00:58:41.000 Hold on. 0.98

00:58:42.000 There are some, sorry for the pun, there are some holes in this story.

00:58:46.000 What, like, he was repelled by women's buttholes? 0.85

00:58:49.000 I don't know what happened.

00:58:51.000 This feels like...

00:58:52.000 Dopamine agonists, such as Reequip, will develop some form of this distressing behavior, which can range from compulsive gambling to binge eating and hypersexuality.

00:59:04.000 A GSK spokesman said, Reequip...

00:59:08.000 is a dopamine agonist used to treat patients with the chronic and progressive neurodegenerative condition Parkinson's disease for which there is only a small number of treatments available.

00:59:19.000 It directly stimulates dopamine receptors in the brain and acts as a replacement for dopamine which is deficient in certain parts of the brain in patients with Parkinson's disease.

00:59:30.000 Pathological gambling and increased libido and hypersexuality have been reported in patients Treated with dopamine medicines.

00:59:37.000 These reports are uncommon when compared to the number of people treated with these medicines.

00:59:42.000 Prescribing and patient information for re-equip provides information on compulsive behaviors.

00:59:48.000 So this guy, whatever, they had to pay him.

00:59:51.000 I thought it was a lot more money than that.

00:59:53.000 They're saying it is 197,000 euros.

00:59:57.000 I'm pretty sure I read that it was the financial equivalent to 600,000 American dollars.

01:00:03.000 Do you enjoy gambling?

01:00:05.000 No.

01:00:06.000 I'm not a gambler.

01:00:08.000 I mean, I enjoy it a little bit.

01:00:10.000 When we went out with you to Vegas, my wife and I did some gambling.

01:00:13.000 Did you?

01:00:14.000 Yeah, but we just got bored.

01:00:15.000 We were just playing blackjack. 0.99

01:00:17.000 We both suck.

01:00:17.000 Do you feel like there's any, like, what is the skill?

01:00:21.000 Like, I dated a guy who's a poker player, and, like, a lot of it is being able to just kind of read people and act?

01:00:28.000 You're kind of acting the whole time, right?

01:00:29.000 If you're really playing.

01:00:30.000 Well, Ari's a really good poker player. 1.00

01:00:32.000 That makes sense.

01:00:32.000 And Ari used to actually, when he was first becoming a comedian in LA, he would make his living by playing in poker tournaments.

01:00:40.000 Cool.

01:00:40.000 And he made money.

01:00:41.000 Like, he would win poker tournaments and place and cash in poker tournaments.

01:00:45.000 It's a skill.

01:00:47.000 You have to know when to hold and when to fold.

01:00:51.000 To know what to do is based on theory.

01:00:55.000 It's based on the amount of people that have done it that have been successful.

01:00:59.000 There's many books on it and many online things on it.

01:01:02.000 But a certain amount of it is based on intuition as well.

01:01:06.000 Right.

01:01:06.000 Being able to feel other people's...

01:01:10.000 Yeah, but like Ari would go to like the Bicycle Club, those places, like Bellflower and a bunch of degenerates. 1.00

01:01:15.000 Bicycles Casino.

01:01:16.000 Yeah, I mean, my friend used to go down there all the time, really creative dude, produced my special with me, Nick Curzon, and he's brilliant.

01:01:23.000 And he would go down there and he was like, I don't know if I'm addicted to the game or the conversations.

01:01:28.000 Because the people are so damn it. 0.73

01:01:30.000 You're sitting with people that are just... 0.99

01:01:31.000 Degenerates.

01:01:32.000 Yeah.

01:01:32.000 And it's three in the morning and it's like people that have been in jail and everyone's a Joey Diaz.

01:01:38.000 Like, what's better than that?

01:01:39.000 I'm like, I get that.

01:01:40.000 No, degenerates are fun people.

01:01:42.000 Yeah.

01:01:43.000 They're very fun.

01:01:44.000 The best.

01:01:44.000 It's just one of those things.

01:01:45.000 It's like, it does something to your brain that for some people, you could just walk away, but for other people, they are fucking hooked. 0.99

01:01:53.000 Mm-hmm. 0.98

01:01:54.000 Well, I spent a lot of time in my early 20s in pool halls, and I was around a lot of degenerate gamblers.

01:02:01.000 And I did some gambling, but I was never like a degenerate.

01:02:04.000 I was always like, I was gambling because it was exciting.

01:02:07.000 I'll play like a set for $100 or something like that, like a race to $10 for $100.

01:02:11.000 It's fun.

01:02:12.000 And you don't want to lose, so it makes things more exciting.

01:02:15.000 But it was never like, now I got to bet on the football game, now I have to bet on this.

01:02:19.000 I saw guys betting money on droplets of rain that were making it down a windowpane.

01:02:26.000 And they would pick each droplet, they would pick a droplet, and they would put money on it.

01:02:30.000 What's the biological basis for that?

01:02:32.000 Because that is something I feel like we all kind of do.

01:02:35.000 Thrills.

01:02:35.000 It's just thrills.

01:02:37.000 It's just thrills trying to predict trying to control it's like the same thing like when um I Do that like when you leave a restaurant and you're with your friends and you just look at each other and just race Like what is that?

01:02:49.000 What why did we do that? 0.99

01:02:50.000 It's so dumb. 0.99

01:02:51.000 Well, that's just being silly. 0.99

01:02:52.000 Yeah, there's no consequences there But like I know people like there's this guy a famous pool players names Alex Pagulian world-class pool player Famously will win tournaments or win like a big match and then flip a coin for the money.

01:03:09.000 So he wins, like he plays pool for hours and hours and hours, days at a time.

01:03:13.000 He'll win $10,000, $20,000.

01:03:16.000 And then someone will say, I'll flip you for the $20,000.

01:03:18.000 And he's like, okay, let's do it.

01:03:20.000 And they flip, and he calls heads and it lands on tails.

01:03:22.000 He loses everything.

01:03:24.000 So everything that went into it was work and earned.

01:03:27.000 Now I want to defer to luck.

01:03:29.000 Yeah, there was a real problem with pool players when they would have pool tournaments and casinos because these guys would win the money and they'd go straight to the casino and lose the money.

01:03:38.000 They were just gambling addicts.

01:03:40.000 Because a lot of pool players, the way they make money is they get a backer.

01:03:45.000 So a backer would be like, you, you got some money.

01:03:47.000 And you say, hey...

01:03:49.000 Let's gamble.

01:03:51.000 I'll give you X amount of money, and I'll go with you, and you'll play somebody for the money.

01:03:57.000 So you would put up the $5,000, and then another person on the other side would put up the other $5,000, and you'd play.

01:04:03.000 And that's how a lot of pool players make money is gambling.

01:04:07.000 There's not a lot of money in a professional pool, so a lot of the pool players wind up being what we call a road player.

01:04:14.000 You know what I like about that is I am better at whatever I'm doing if I know someone else will lose something if I fail.

01:04:23.000 So like playing sports growing up, it was always like I was very good at shooting free throws because it was always if you miss this free throw, your whole team runs suicides.

01:04:33.000 That's interesting.

01:04:34.000 Which is like, if it's just between me and me, I'm like, ah, it's fine.

01:04:38.000 But if I know you're going to lose something, I do very well with that kind of pressure.

01:04:41.000 Knowing I'll disappoint someone or they'll have to suffer in some way if I fail.

01:04:45.000 That makes sense.

01:04:46.000 Yeah, that also makes sense considering your childhood, you know, that you like, that having some, like, having the support of others is very important to you.

01:04:55.000 Yes.

01:04:55.000 Yeah.

01:04:56.000 Having chosen family, and by support, you know, I think that as I get older, you know, as we all do, I like redefining what friend means, what family means, but also, like, It doesn't mean everyday support.

01:05:08.000 I don't even talk to someone on the phone every day.

01:05:10.000 Some of my closest friends I see once a month and we text.

01:05:12.000 I think it's more about feeling like there's people around me that share my reality, that see the same things I see.

01:05:19.000 Because we're in a place where it's like sometimes people that you love and trust and respect, they're like brainwashed by something.

01:05:25.000 And you're like, how...

01:05:27.000 You know, just people that share your reality, which I think is being able to corroborate your reality.

01:05:33.000 Because I think when you grow up in a, you know, whether alcoholic home, chaotic home, everyone has, you question your own sanity a lot.

01:05:40.000 Because everyone tells you, calm down, you're not seeing what you're seeing, relax, you're being dramatic.

01:05:45.000 You know, the narcissists and the borderlines need to make you dramatic and overly sensitive in order to justify their behavior or Exonerate themselves from guilt, whatever it is.

01:05:56.000 So I think that's what we do on stage too.

01:05:58.000 We go out and we go like, this is, and everyone's like, yes, we have that too.

01:06:03.000 We think that also.

01:06:04.000 You're right.

01:06:04.000 That's true.

01:06:05.000 You know?

01:06:06.000 So I think that feeling of like, okay, I'm not crazy.

01:06:09.000 I'm not crazy.

01:06:11.000 I'm not imagining that is sort of a very anesthesia, anesthetic.

01:06:18.000 And how does that relate to gambling?

01:06:22.000 How'd you get there?

01:06:22.000 That's a great question.

01:06:24.000 Having me on your show is always a gamble?

01:06:28.000 You went to the support of others, because I said that I get why the free throw would be so important for you to make, because of the support of others.

01:06:36.000 The people financing the pool.

01:06:38.000 Yeah.

01:06:39.000 The pool players.

01:06:40.000 Like, if I let someone down, I'll be better.

01:06:43.000 Got it.

01:06:43.000 Yeah.

01:06:43.000 But a lot of pool players are not like that, unfortunately.

01:06:45.000 They're the opposite.

01:06:47.000 That's what it would be is like usually like some guy owns like a tire company or something like that and he wants a thrill and so take some guy on the road with them and oftentimes they'll dump they'll make a deal like the pool player will make a deal with the other guy and say listen I'll lose you know you give me X amount of dollars and we'll split the money that way you don't have to worry about whether or not you're gonna win or gonna lose you're definitely gonna win what's the most money you can make as a pool player well people have played pool for a million dollars One game?

01:07:18.000 No, they usually play a set.

01:07:21.000 There's been a lot of poker players who play reasonably well, not professional level, and they'll get a giant handicap to play a pool player.

01:07:31.000 A handicap would be, do you know what nine ball is? 1.00

01:07:35.000 Do you know how nine ball works?

01:07:36.000 Nine ball is a rotational game.

01:07:38.000 It means you play one through nine, you make the nine ball in, and you win.

01:07:43.000 But say if you played and I played, and you didn't play that good, I could say, I will give you the five out.

01:07:50.000 That means I have to run all the balls, and I have to make the nine ball to win, but you can make the five ball to win, the six ball to win, the seven ball to win, the eight ball to win, or the nine ball.

01:08:01.000 Mm-hmm.

01:08:04.000 Mm-hmm.

01:08:20.000 And I had some guy who was a poker player, and he wanted to gamble, and he's like, make a fair game.

01:08:25.000 And I'd say, okay, I'll give you the five out and the breaks.

01:08:27.000 Which means you get to break every game, and you only have to make the five, or the six, the seven, or the eight, and the nine.

01:08:35.000 You can make any of them, and you win.

01:08:38.000 You have all these winning balls, where I only have one winning ball.

01:08:41.000 My ball is the nine ball.

01:08:42.000 It's a giant advantage.

01:08:43.000 What I had not played before, and I was, Tim Dillon rented a place in Malibu, and we went out there, and There was a giant chess game like it was more sort of for decoration like huge like the size of this table a big with chess pieces this big and we played chess.

01:08:56.000 It was so fun.

01:08:58.000 Chess is fun.

01:08:59.000 Yeah.

01:08:59.000 It was like 45 minutes past and it had been like it was five minutes and I am currently trying to take on new hobbies.

01:09:06.000 And chess is your new hobby?

01:09:07.000 Well, no. 0.99

01:09:07.000 I'm just like auditioning new hobbies instead of just scrolling the fucking screen all day and just getting dumber by the minute. 0.99

01:09:16.000 Just things that are mind-challenging but fun. 0.99

01:09:19.000 Chess is right up there.

01:09:20.000 One of the great things about chess is there's a lot of programs you can play on your phone where it'll tell you what the right move is.

01:09:28.000 So you could ask it what the right move is, or you could just try it.

01:09:32.000 Like, it'll give you, like, there's learning and tutorial modes, and you can try different moves and strategies, but chess is insanely and infinitely complex.

01:09:46.000 It really, I think also, you know, I think it's important to know your mind.

01:09:50.000 I know that sounds a little crazy, but don't spend too much time in it, but know it.

01:09:55.000 Like, know what depletes you, know what energizes you, know if you're a reckless person, know if you're the kind of person that, you know, chickens out at the last minute or questions yourself, whatever it is, you know?

01:10:07.000 And it helped me sort of illuminate a couple things about my own brain.

01:10:12.000 I was like, oh, I didn't trust my gut on that.

01:10:14.000 I just overthought it.

01:10:15.000 Have you seen The Queen's Gambit?

01:10:17.000 No, I'm dying to see it.

01:10:19.000 It's a great show and it's actually a show that was written, the original book was written by Walter Tevis.

01:10:26.000 Walter Tevis is the guy who wrote The Hustler, which is that famous movie with Jackie Gleason and Paul Newman about a pool hustler.

01:10:33.000 So he's been writing about people that are awesome at games.

01:10:37.000 What was the other chess movie, Bobby Fischer?

01:10:39.000 Yeah, Searching for Bobby Fischer.

01:10:41.000 I was thinking about this last night when I was watching Top Gun.

01:10:45.000 Are there certain video games that make you better in real life at things at this point?

01:10:50.000 Yeah, for sure.

01:10:51.000 Like chess, pool, is there one you could actually practice?

01:10:56.000 On a video game or practice on a phone?

01:10:58.000 That translates to skill in real life?

01:11:00.000 No.

01:11:01.000 Not like physical games like pool?

01:11:03.000 No.

01:11:04.000 Maybe chess.

01:11:05.000 I think chess does.

01:11:07.000 Because chess in physical form, like moving pieces, is no different than chess with a video game.

01:11:12.000 Yeah.

01:11:13.000 It's the same thing.

01:11:14.000 It's just moving the piece.

01:11:15.000 Yeah, you're just learning to play things out.

01:11:17.000 Yeah, you're just learning how the pieces move.

01:11:21.000 I'm sure there's intimidation by being across the place.

01:11:24.000 If you were really good and I was playing you, I'd be intimidated maybe. 0.78

01:11:27.000 I'd fuck up because I'd be nervous. 0.96

01:11:28.000 But pool is a game of execution. 0.93

01:11:31.000 That's why it's so intriguing to me.

01:11:33.000 Because it's not just a game of knowing what to do.

01:11:36.000 It's a game of being able to control your nerves.

01:11:39.000 That's what I love.

01:11:40.000 That's why I love archery and bow hunting.

01:11:42.000 That's why I love martial arts. 1.00

01:11:44.000 I love when the shit goes down. 1.00

01:11:46.000 Yep. 1.00

01:11:47.000 That's what I like. 0.99

01:11:48.000 I like when shit gets crazy. 0.99

01:11:49.000 I like when people get nervous. 0.99

01:11:51.000 That's where I excel.

01:11:52.000 I excel where people get panicky.

01:11:54.000 I enjoy those things.

01:11:56.000 I enjoy a little chaos.

01:11:57.000 And can I ask you a question?

01:11:58.000 Do you think that's nature, nurture, or a healthy addiction?

01:12:02.000 Well, it's definitely some kind of an addiction for me.

01:12:06.000 But it's also a medication.

01:12:09.000 It's like, that is how I work out problems in, like, to be able to do that in real life.

01:12:17.000 Mm-hmm.

01:12:18.000 If you have problems like pool problems or archery problems, there's a lot of tension, a lot of nerves, what do you do?

01:12:25.000 You're robbing banks?

01:12:26.000 Where are you getting those thrills from?

01:12:29.000 So for me, I get my thrills out of doing things that are just difficult.

01:12:35.000 Things that require execution, like a pool game or archery in particular, is one of the best because...

01:12:42.000 Especially on a long shot, you can't fuck anything up.

01:12:46.000 All of your technique has to be perfect, you have to be relaxed, you have to control your breath, and then when you release the shot, when the arrow goes, just any little twitch, any little uh, uh, uh, any little thing that you do with your hand might make it shoot three feet to the left,

01:13:04.000 four feet to the right.

01:13:05.000 So magnified.

01:13:07.000 You could twitch your arm and you're missed by seven inches.

01:13:11.000 But if you keep it clear, keep your mind clear, keep your breath in control, keep your technique perfect, when that arrow releases and finds its way right into the center of the target, it's one of the most satisfying things in life.

01:13:26.000 It's kind of like, I know it's not, but it is, like upper body ballet, in a way.

01:13:32.000 Because I had that bit in the special about ballerinas, and I make fun of ballet, and I've been getting all these messages from ballerinas.

01:13:38.000 I obviously respect the art form, but it is like, they have to be so strong that they don't even shake.

01:13:45.000 Right.

01:13:46.000 It's just like a level of strength that is otherworldly, you know?

01:13:50.000 Incredible composure.

01:13:51.000 Physical composure.

01:13:53.000 And then, are you...

01:13:54.000 I have tricky shoulders, and I've started...

01:13:57.000 Tricky?

01:13:57.000 Tricky shoulders.

01:13:58.000 How are they tricky?

01:13:59.000 Just name my next special.

01:14:00.000 They just are like, I broke my right one, and I've been doing this stretch.

01:14:06.000 Is this good for you or bad for you?

01:14:08.000 It's good for you.

01:14:08.000 Yeah, a couple times.

01:14:10.000 Because if you're in a new archery, don't you have to really take care of your shoulders?

01:14:13.000 Sure.

01:14:13.000 I feel like we really ignore our shoulders.

01:14:16.000 I definitely don't ignore my shoulders.

01:14:17.000 I do a lot of shoulder work.

01:14:19.000 I do a lot of club bells.

01:14:21.000 You know what club bells are?

01:14:22.000 It's like an iron club and I do what's called shield casting where I put the clubs in front of me and I go like this.

01:14:32.000 So I'm controlling like this.

01:14:34.000 Generally, they're not heavy.

01:14:37.000 They're like 15 pounds or maybe 25 pounds I'll use.

01:14:40.000 And it's like the weight is all on the end.

01:14:42.000 So it's like this kind of balancing thing I'm doing.

01:14:45.000 And I'm swinging it around like this and then putting it in front.

01:14:48.000 So it's all of this controlled movement.

01:14:50.000 And then I'll do...

01:14:51.000 There it goes.

01:14:51.000 So that guy's doing it right there.

01:14:53.000 Club bell action.

01:14:54.000 Let's see if you can find a video.

01:14:55.000 Oh, I would not even have...

01:14:56.000 Let's see if you can find a video of someone doing club bells. 0.99

01:14:59.000 There's a bunch of videos that Onnit put out that are really excellent.

01:15:03.000 You know, we have our own club bells at Onnit.

01:15:06.000 So there you go.

01:15:07.000 There's the Onnit steel club.

01:15:08.000 That's my boy John Wolf.

01:15:09.000 And so you can see him doing a bunch of different exercises.

01:15:13.000 But for archery in particular, the club bell is a really good tool for exercise because it See what he's doing there?

01:15:24.000 Keeping your shoulders straight?

01:15:27.000 You want strength in this position.

01:15:31.000 So if you're shooting, especially the arm that's holding the bow, you don't want it to be fatiguing and dropping and then you're struggling and it's shaking.

01:15:42.000 You want...

01:15:44.000 You want real strength and then you want to be able to relax because you don't want to tense your shoulder up.

01:15:50.000 One of the things about archery is any tension that you have could result in a twitch one way or another.

01:15:57.000 And any kind of little twitch when you're shooting at 95 yards.

01:16:01.000 I practice at 95 yards.

01:16:03.000 So when I'm shooting it, I wouldn't shoot an animal at 95 yards, but that's what I practiced at.

01:16:07.000 So if I see an animal at 40 yards, it's a slam dunk.

01:16:10.000 And when you're doing that, you actually want your shoulder to be relaxed.

01:16:15.000 Like before I shoot, like if it's an important shot, I go like this.

01:16:20.000 I let all my tension out and then I'll draw back.

01:16:23.000 And then once I'm at full draw, I relax my shoulder.

01:16:26.000 I relax.

01:16:26.000 But I have enough strength that I can hold it in this position and it's easy.

01:16:31.000 So I don't have any tension in my shoulder. 1.00

01:16:34.000 This is probably a very stupid question. 0.99

01:16:36.000 Are you allowed to just walk around with a bow? 1.00

01:16:40.000 Like, get in the street?

01:16:41.000 Yeah.

01:16:42.000 Like, if you were just walking down, went to the proper hotel...

01:16:45.000 The cops would probably pull you over. 0.96

01:16:47.000 They'd be like, you can't?

01:16:48.000 It's a weapon.

01:16:48.000 It depends on what you have in the bow.

01:16:50.000 If you just have a bow, yeah.

01:16:52.000 It's not gonna do anything without an arrow.

01:16:54.000 You'd have to have arrows.

01:16:55.000 But if you had a bow and an arrow...

01:16:57.000 But if it was like Halloween and I had a bow...

01:16:59.000 Like, if I don't know how to use it, it's not a weapon, I guess.

01:17:02.000 I think Halloween you can get away with it.

01:17:04.000 I think it's probably a gray area, but it would depend on whether or not you had an arrow and whether or not the arrow was knocked, meaning it's on the string.

01:17:13.000 If the arrow was on the string, all you'd have to do is pull it back and release it and you could shoot somebody.

01:17:17.000 And do you put something on the tip of the arrow?

01:17:19.000 Or did I make that up?

01:17:20.000 Yeah, it's called a broadhead.

01:17:22.000 No, but I mean like poison or something?

01:17:24.000 No, but indigenous cultures do.

01:17:26.000 Did that, right?

01:17:26.000 No, they still do.

01:17:27.000 Oh, wow.

01:17:28.000 Yeah, there's people in South America, and that's one of the ways that they hunt monkeys. 0.89

01:17:33.000 They use a neurotoxin.

01:17:35.000 They use some sort of poison on the tip of their arrows, and that's how they get a lot of their animals.

01:17:43.000 Speaking of, I was freaking Tim Dillon again. 0.99

01:17:47.000 I did a show up in the Hamptons and Tim got a place there and I got a tick on my pussy. 1.00

01:17:55.000 Ticks are bad. 1.00

01:17:57.000 Okay, so why are we all just fine with this?

01:18:01.000 Because in Virginia, West Virginia, where I grew up, you pull the tick off, you burn it, you bite the head off, you get rid of the head, it's fine.

01:18:08.000 I got a tick on me in the Hamptons, and I just sent a picture to someone or put it on Instagram or something, and I was laughing about it.

01:18:14.000 Everyone was like, you need to get the tick, put it in a bag.

01:18:17.000 Yeah, Lyme disease.

01:18:18.000 I had to go on doxycycline, 200 milligrams for three weeks.

01:18:23.000 Oh, so it was infected with Lyme disease.

01:18:25.000 They were like, you have to take this regardless.

01:18:27.000 You should regardless.

01:18:27.000 It's that bad.

01:18:29.000 Lyme disease is so bad.

01:18:30.000 It's so bad and it can become chronic and haunt you for the rest of your life.

01:18:36.000 And you have a very small window of opportunity to take care of it right after you get bit.

01:18:39.000 So I thought Lyme disease was just for celebrities to post about when their movies were bombing.

01:18:45.000 Yeah.

01:18:46.000 You know when you're like a celebrity?

01:18:48.000 Like, I have Lyme disease.

01:18:49.000 You're like, okay.

01:18:50.000 Like, we get it.

01:18:51.000 You go to the Hamptons.

01:18:51.000 Like, I just didn't know anyone.

01:18:53.000 And now that I went through it, people are like, oh, yeah.

01:18:56.000 Greg Fitzsimmons.

01:18:57.000 His, I think, mom was on a drip of antibiotics for like 10 years.

01:19:01.000 And people are like, it destroys your brain and your neurological problems.

01:19:06.000 And then, of course, my comedian brain is like, wait a second.

01:19:08.000 Like, all the most powerful rich people in the world vacation in the Hamptons.

01:19:11.000 Like, is there a case to be made that they all...

01:19:14.000 Have neurological damage.

01:19:16.000 Well, the kind of neurological damage that you get from Lyme disease is very scary.

01:19:21.000 Because Lyme disease is actually connected to, what is it called?

01:19:26.000 Meniere's disease?

01:19:27.000 What is that disease?

01:19:29.000 What is that called?

01:19:31.000 Is that what it's called, Jamie?

01:19:32.000 Not great.

01:19:32.000 We talked about it before.

01:19:34.000 Is that right?

01:19:35.000 No.

01:19:36.000 What is it called?

01:19:37.000 There's a disease where people think that they have fibers growing out of their skin.

01:19:44.000 And they lose their mind?

01:19:46.000 Margellons. 0.87

01:19:47.000 That's it.

01:19:47.000 Margellons.

01:19:48.000 So one of the episodes of Joe Rogan Questions Everything, that old sci-fi show that I had, one of the episodes of that we dealt with Margellons because a lot of people think Margellons is bullshit, that it's not a disease at all, that it's fake. 0.97

01:19:59.000 It's like some sort of... 0.96

01:20:02.000 You know, some neurological disorder.

01:20:04.000 Like, people believe that they have fibers growing out of them, but it's really like carpet fibers that they light around on and they scratch themselves.

01:20:11.000 Well, it turns out that most of the people...

01:20:14.000 Well, I went to a Morgellons convention of people that were Morgellons sufferers, and one of the people there was a doctor.

01:20:20.000 And the doctor said that one of the things that's interesting about Morgellons is that most of the people who have it also have Lyme disease.

01:20:27.000 And that Lyme disease has a neurotoxic element to it that he believes is causing people to hallucinate.

01:20:34.000 And so like he'll look in the mirror and he'll see like a worm crawling across the surface of his eye or he'll see something on his skin that's not there and he'll start clawing at it.

01:20:42.000 And he said so he believes even and he's a Morgellons sufferer and a Lyme disease sufferer and he thinks that the two of them are connected.

01:20:51.000 He said because Lyme disease by itself, it's not as simple as, you know, like, oh, it's copper, or it's lead.

01:21:02.000 It's a thing.

01:21:03.000 You can know what it is, you isolate it.

01:21:05.000 He's like, no, when a tick bites you, He goes, there's the stuff that we could recognize, but there's a host of other pathogens that come along with that and go for a ride.

01:21:15.000 And if you test positive for Lyme disease, you might have multiple toxic elements from this tick in your bloodstream that are fucking with everything, causing massive inflammation and brain fog.

01:21:35.000 It's just wild to me that it's just accepted that people bring their kids to the Hamptons and they just get like...

01:21:43.000 It's not just the Hamptons.

01:21:44.000 It's all over the East Coast.

01:21:45.000 Connecticut.

01:21:45.000 Jersey.

01:21:46.000 Oh, wow.

01:21:47.000 Everywhere.

01:21:47.000 Yeah, it started in Lyme.

01:21:49.000 I think it was recognized first in Lyme, Connecticut.

01:21:52.000 That's why it's called Lyme disease.

01:21:53.000 That makes sense. 0.98

01:21:54.000 Because in Virginia, we never, I mean, maybe we just all just got it and no one gave a shit, but it was never thought of. 0.92

01:22:00.000 Ticks were just, you pulled them off and that was it. 0.95

01:22:02.000 Right.

01:22:02.000 That's how it was when we were kids.

01:22:05.000 There's some wacky theory, some conspiracy theory, that it was some sort of a bioweapon that accidentally got released or some experimental Biological warfare agent that got released.

01:22:17.000 That was like a big theory about...

01:22:20.000 I think we've researched that on the podcast as much as we actually research things.

01:22:27.000 Duck, duck, go, Jamie!

01:22:29.000 Yeah, and we found something about it, but it was like unclear.

01:22:33.000 I'm just fascinated.

01:22:35.000 You know I was obsessed for the longest time about the hookworm epidemic in the South.

01:22:39.000 That is wild.

01:22:40.000 Wild. 0.99

01:22:41.000 Tell people that don't know and never heard us talk about that because it's so fucking crazy. 0.51

01:22:46.000 It's so crazy because I think I always like to look for excuses for people's bad behavior.

01:22:51.000 I think it's something that my brain likes to do to just feel better or forgive people or give them a pass.

01:22:58.000 Or maybe it's just comedian brain trying to look at the other thing.

01:23:00.000 Yeah.

01:23:01.000 In the early 1900s, the hookworm epidepping in the South was so brutal.

01:23:07.000 Jamie, please debunk whatever I'm saying if it's incorrect.

01:23:11.000 And people went around with bare feet and hookworms went into their feet and they eat your brain. 0.96

01:23:18.000 So there was the stereotype that Southerners were dumb, they were slow, they actually just were infected with hookworms. 0.98

01:23:24.000 Was it Rockefeller that set up the program to develop a... 1.00

01:23:29.000 Inoculation against her, some kind of treatment?

01:23:31.000 I don't remember. 0.99

01:23:32.000 But just the stereotype that Southerners are dumb really comes out of hookworm infections. 0.96

01:23:38.000 I mean, it was an extraordinary number of people that were infected with hookworms up until the 20th century. 0.98

01:23:45.000 Yeah, it was Rockefeller.

01:23:47.000 Rockefeller Sanitary Commission for the Eradication of Hookworm Disease.

01:23:53.000 So in 1909, Rockefeller donated $1 million, which is like probably $100 million today.

01:23:59.000 What was the percentage of people that were infected with hookworm?

01:24:03.000 I want to say it was somewhere over 40%.

01:24:06.000 That's insane.

01:24:07.000 Yeah, it was really nuts.

01:24:10.000 Insane. 0.98

01:24:11.000 So that drives me kind of nuts when people are shitty about Southerners. 0.99

01:24:14.000 Like, they're slow. 0.99

01:24:15.000 Well, that's where it came from.

01:24:16.000 That's where it comes from.

01:24:17.000 Yeah, most people don't know.

01:24:18.000 But that's really...

01:24:19.000 Hookworms once sapped the American South of its health, yet very few realize they continue to affect millions.

01:24:25.000 Okay, I can't move forward with that information.

01:24:29.000 They're still around?

01:24:30.000 Yeah.

01:24:30.000 Have you ever had a ringworm?

01:24:32.000 Yeah, I've had ringworm.

01:24:33.000 Do you know what it's from?

01:24:34.000 From jiu-jitsu.

01:24:35.000 Oh, yeah.

01:24:36.000 Yeah, I've had ringworm, staph.

01:24:38.000 I've had both those things.

01:24:39.000 Because when I had the tick bite, everyone kept asking, does it have a circle around it?

01:24:42.000 Right, which is what happens with ticks.

01:24:44.000 It almost looks like a target.

01:24:46.000 Mm-hmm. 1.00

01:24:48.000 It's on my pussy, which is very... 1.00

01:24:49.000 Danger zone. 1.00

01:24:57.000 Highway to the danger zone!

01:25:02.000 Speaking of Top Gun.

01:25:03.000 I thought you were going to go, highway to hell! 0.99

01:25:09.000 Can I tell you, watching Top Gun, I mean, my nipples were hard, my eyes were wet. 0.82

01:25:14.000 It was, I just, I don't know, I have family that was, you know, served and it felt like a love letter to the military.

01:25:22.000 The military.

01:25:23.000 Well, I'm down for that.

01:25:24.000 It was kind of a love letter to male friendship, which kind of was a love story between two men, in a way, you know?

01:25:32.000 So we were talking before the podcast started about Val Kilmer, and someone said that Val Kilmer was a Christian scientist.

01:25:39.000 Is that real?

01:25:40.000 Val Kilmer looks like me in a couple years. 0.99

01:25:42.000 No, shut up. 1.00

01:25:43.000 Will you please pull up a picture of me? 0.99

01:25:46.000 He looks like Texas Chainsaw Massacre when the guy put the face on.

01:25:53.000 Remember when he was wearing other people's skin? 1.00

01:25:54.000 Yes, I do.

01:25:55.000 He looks good there.

01:25:56.000 Well, look at him in the movie.

01:25:57.000 Val Kilmer explains why he got chemo for his cancer despite it being against his religious beliefs.

01:26:03.000 Oh, okay.

01:26:03.000 So, yeah.

01:26:04.000 So, what is his religious belief?

01:26:06.000 Christian, science, faith? 0.99

01:26:07.000 God damn it. 1.00

01:26:08.000 He's only 60. God damn it. 1.00

01:26:10.000 He does not look... 0.99

01:26:11.000 Right.

01:26:12.000 He looks 60 and Tom Cruise is 60. Tom Cruise looks like he's fucking younger than me, that little cunt. 1.00

01:26:18.000 Meanwhile, he's right! 1.00

01:26:19.000 Do you know that Tom Cruise was correct about fucking... 0.98

01:26:22.000 When he was on Matt Lauer, and he was like, Matt, you're being glib. 0.98

01:26:26.000 It's not about...

01:26:27.000 There's no chemical imbalance.

01:26:29.000 These psychiatric medications that they give people are dangerous. 0.99

01:26:32.000 He was fucking correct. 0.98

01:26:34.000 Yeah, but also I think we could all agree Matt Lauer is glib all the time. 0.99

01:26:37.000 Yes.

01:26:37.000 He always was glib.

01:26:38.000 He was glib.

01:26:38.000 Can you pull up Val Kilmer in the movie?

01:26:41.000 Yeah, I mean, it's, I feel like, yeah, that Scientology thing is all about, like, no psych, I mean, John Travolta has a kid, sorry, this is going to get me in so much trouble, fine, whatever, who's dead, because they wouldn't give him seizure medication, right?

01:26:54.000 Yeah.

01:26:54.000 Well, that's different than...

01:26:57.000 Scientology is different than what you're talking about.

01:27:00.000 Val Kilmer is a Christian scientist. 0.97

01:27:02.000 Oh, right.

01:27:03.000 Christian scientists, they don't believe in any kind of medical treatment.

01:27:07.000 They're like, Jesus, gonna take care of everything.

01:27:10.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 1.00

01:27:11.000 I don't know how a guy as fucking talented and smart as Val Kilmer got sucked into that shit. 1.00

01:27:17.000 But before he got chemo and had his cancer treated, he was not doing anything because of his religious belief. 1.00

01:27:26.000 Him in fucking Tombstone, to this day, that is one of my favorite ever performances. 0.93

01:27:32.000 Willow. 0.99

01:27:33.000 Him in the cage and Willow?

01:27:34.000 I never watched Willow.

01:27:35.000 What?

01:27:36.000 Willow?

01:27:37.000 Grown man.

01:27:38.000 Back in the day...

01:27:40.000 Okay, Jamie, is Willow a girl movie?

01:27:42.000 No.

01:27:43.000 Not at all!

01:27:43.000 It's a bunch of guys...

01:27:45.000 Fighting midgets! 1.00

01:27:46.000 I thought they were fairies. 1.00

01:27:47.000 I was a kid.

01:27:48.000 I thought they were fairies. 1.00

01:27:49.000 Look, no!

01:27:49.000 No, no, no, no.

01:27:50.000 It's not like...

01:27:51.000 It's like...

01:27:53.000 Is Tom Cruise in Willow?

01:27:54.000 Medieval.

01:27:55.000 No, it's like the dingo ain't your baby. 1.00

01:27:57.000 Right?

01:27:57.000 Yeah.

01:27:58.000 Look, this little guy.

01:27:59.000 Look at him.

01:28:00.000 Right there.

01:28:00.000 The guy from Princess Bride.

01:28:01.000 Oh, I definitely never saw that piece of shit. 1.00

01:28:02.000 Remember? 1.00

01:28:03.000 For a while, that dwarf for a while and Andre the Giant were in every movie.

01:28:08.000 Really?

01:28:09.000 Hollywood was just like, we want the giant and the little guy.

01:28:11.000 I must have taken time off the movies.

01:28:12.000 They're bringing this back too, by the way.

01:28:14.000 They're bringing Willow back?

01:28:15.000 Starring?

01:28:16.000 Who's playing him?

01:28:17.000 Same guy.

01:28:18.000 Peter Dinklage?

01:28:19.000 Warwick Davis is his name.

01:28:20.000 This guy.

01:28:21.000 Okay, sure.

01:28:22.000 So, but I... I never saw Willow.

01:28:25.000 That's weird.

01:28:26.000 Yeah, maybe it's not a...

01:28:27.000 But I saw Tombstone about 30 times.

01:28:29.000 Have you seen Labyrinth?

01:28:31.000 I think I did.

01:28:32.000 Back in the day?

01:28:33.000 Because Jennifer Connelly is in Top Gun and she is giving big, big, like, hotness energy. 1.00

01:28:40.000 Hotness energy?

01:28:41.000 Was she not, like, a crush of yours?

01:28:43.000 No, not of mine.

01:28:44.000 Who was your, like...

01:28:44.000 When you were, like, a teenager, who was your, like...

01:28:46.000 Madonna.

01:28:48.000 Ooh, what phase was she in?

01:28:49.000 The material girl phase, I think. 0.92

01:28:52.000 No, the like a virgin phase.

01:28:53.000 Well, was it because she was more...

01:28:54.000 Oh, look at that.

01:28:55.000 That's Jennifer Connelly? 1.00

01:28:56.000 Yes.

01:28:56.000 Ooh, is she 12?

01:28:57.000 She was... 0.97

01:28:58.000 That's creepy.

01:28:59.000 Literally 16, and he was like...

01:29:00.000 Really?

01:29:01.000 Yeah.

01:29:02.000 Wow.

01:29:03.000 But, I mean, it was a different time.

01:29:04.000 David Bowie.

01:29:05.000 I loved it.

01:29:05.000 That was like my...

01:29:06.000 The first time I felt any sexual feelings was when I watched this movie, because David Bowie was when... 0.96

01:29:11.000 Look on that troll picture. 0.62

01:29:12.000 What is that thing?

01:29:13.000 Oh, that's Ludo.

01:29:13.000 My new dog is named Ludo after him.

01:29:15.000 Really?

01:29:16.000 Mm-hmm.

01:29:17.000 He calls the rocks.

01:29:18.000 These are all the family that helps.

01:29:19.000 Boy, I don't remember this movie at all.

01:29:21.000 Oh, dude.

01:29:21.000 Smoke a joint and watch Labyrinth, dude.

01:29:23.000 I got other things to do.

01:29:25.000 It's so good, dude.

01:29:26.000 The Goblin King?

01:29:27.000 Yeah.

01:29:28.000 Really?

01:29:29.000 Ask Duncan.

01:29:30.000 I have been hearing very disturbing reports about the new Game of Thrones that they're going woke.

01:29:37.000 The spin-off.

01:29:37.000 I hear there's a lot of wokeness.

01:29:39.000 They're like, may I rape you? 0.99

01:29:42.000 May I rip this corset off? 1.00

01:29:45.000 I mean, maybe I've read about it online from people that are just clickbaiting.

01:29:50.000 I'm nervous about it.

01:29:51.000 I'm nervous about the new J.R.R. Tolkien, too.

01:29:54.000 They're doing a thing for Amazon.

01:29:55.000 I just think any big production now, it's like wokeness has permeated so deeply into the ethos of Hollywood.

01:30:05.000 I can't imagine they would do something like the 2011 version of Game of Thrones, which is pretty wild.

01:30:12.000 You know what I think?

01:30:13.000 I think they're smart enough to just tell a great story.

01:30:19.000 What? 1.00

01:30:19.000 The fuck did you just say? 1.00

01:30:20.000 You don't think? 1.00

01:30:21.000 The Game of Thrones guys?

01:30:22.000 I don't think it matters. 0.99

01:30:24.000 I think if the television producers and executives have any fucking say, and which they will, and then the actors have any say, which they will, they'll fuck it up. 0.99

01:30:35.000 That's wild. 0.99

01:30:36.000 I think it's like comedy movies.

01:30:37.000 When was the last time you saw a good, wild, like, Tropic Thunder comedy movie?

01:30:42.000 They can't make them anymore.

01:30:43.000 Yeah, that is very hard to get done.

01:30:45.000 Although, I feel like, did anyone see the Eric Andre movie with Tiffany Haddish in it?

01:30:50.000 No.

01:30:50.000 It was more like a prank movie.

01:30:52.000 Like, Jackass is what I would say, was the last, really laugh out loud, but that's not a scripted movie.

01:30:59.000 Yeah, what I'm talking about is like scripted movies.

01:31:02.000 They don't make them anymore.

01:31:03.000 But I also think that that has changed for a litany of reasons.

01:31:07.000 It used to be you'd have three or four comedy movies come out a year and you'd hear all these killer jokes.

01:31:11.000 Now, in one day, you see more funny memes, funny tweets than 10 years ago you would ever see.

01:31:19.000 So by the time a movie comes out, it takes eight months.

01:31:22.000 By the time you write it, shoot it, film it, all those jokes eight months ago, everyone will have gotten them already on the internet.

01:31:28.000 Oh, I don't know about that.

01:31:29.000 I don't think that's true. 0.93

01:31:31.000 Because if you watch Tropic Thunder today, it's fucking hilarious. 0.94

01:31:34.000 Yes, yes, yes, yes. 0.97

01:31:35.000 What I'm saying is the genre of wild, funny movies has been killed by wokeness. 1.00

01:31:41.000 Was the last one The Hangover?

01:31:42.000 Probably.

01:31:43.000 Mm-hmm.

01:31:44.000 Yeah.

01:31:45.000 I mean, probably.

01:31:46.000 Mm-hmm.

01:31:47.000 And I think that there's a, you know, I feel like there's just so much guilt and fear in Hollywood.

01:31:52.000 And it's funny because people are like, is Hollywood creepy?

01:31:54.000 I'm like, you mean the business that was built on the back of a five-year-old named Shirley Temple?

01:32:00.000 Have you watched Shirley Temple movies lately?

01:32:03.000 No.

01:32:03.000 Of course not.

01:32:05.000 I went back during the pandemic and I watched it.

01:32:07.000 She's five.

01:32:10.000 She's like, hey, little sailor boy.

01:32:12.000 It's wild, dude.

01:32:14.000 There's a video called Baby Burlesque, and it's her in diapers, topless. 0.94

01:32:19.000 I mean, she's a kid, you know?

01:32:20.000 And two boys, and they're doing little dances in a saloon.

01:32:24.000 Have you seen Shirley Temple in Blackface?

01:32:48.000 No.

01:32:49.000 That's Shirley Temple in Blackface. 1.00

01:32:51.000 Oh my god.

01:32:52.000 Dude, it is up to the waterline on her eye. 0.98

01:32:54.000 1935. Oh my god. 0.87

01:32:57.000 The Littlest Rebel.

01:32:59.000 So was she playing a little black girl? 0.93

01:33:02.000 Yeah, I think she was playing someone that looks like a hangout. 0.96

01:33:04.000 Stop scrolling.

01:33:05.000 Miss Temple even briefly donned blackface herself in The Littlest Rebel. 0.75

01:33:11.000 Shirley Temple dances with two men in blackface while other actors also in blackface look on.

01:33:19.000 That's brutal.

01:33:20.000 Can you look up good ship lollipop?

01:33:24.000 Hold on, stop.

01:33:25.000 Put that picture back. 0.99

01:33:26.000 That picture is fucking wild. 0.99

01:33:29.000 Look at that audience. 1.00

01:33:31.000 That is crazy.

01:33:33.000 And what year is this?

01:33:34.000 35. Oh my god.

01:33:36.000 Horrifying.

01:33:37.000 It's so wild.

01:33:39.000 Yeah, horrifying.

01:33:40.000 Look at the gloves and everything.

01:33:42.000 Like, so strange.

01:33:45.000 Why was she a movie star? 0.99

01:33:46.000 Who looked at a five-year-old and was like, you really got what it takes?

01:33:50.000 Right.

01:33:50.000 Why did they choose a child to be a movie star?

01:33:54.000 She's a kid.

01:33:56.000 Bill Bojangles Robinson and Shirley Temple in The Littlest Colonel, 1935, in the famous staircase dance scene. 1.00

01:34:05.000 What the fuck, man? 0.98

01:34:07.000 Let's watch a clip, because I am not familiar with Shirley Temple movies. 0.99

01:34:12.000 I do deep dives on this, because it's this weird thing nobody talks about.

01:34:15.000 She was famous at five.

01:34:17.000 In every movie she's in, there's no mom, there's no... 1.00

01:34:20.000 It's just her entertaining a bunch of men, like at war or on a boat.

01:34:24.000 That's the, that's, wait, baby burlesque. 0.57

01:34:26.000 War babies. 0.87

01:34:27.000 Baby burlesque. 0.71

01:34:28.000 Baby burlesque. 0.71

01:34:28.000 Let's see war babies. 0.71

01:34:29.000 Give me some volume on this.

01:34:31.000 Jesus Christ.

01:34:34.000 1932. Her first speaking role.

01:34:39.000 Look at those babies. 0.99

01:34:42.000 This is so strange.

01:34:45.000 Why is her, half off her shoulder? 0.98

01:34:49.000 He's winking at her.

01:34:51.000 Yeah.

01:34:51.000 She's dancing with a diaper on.

01:34:55.000 It says speaking role.

01:34:58.000 Wait, what's that in the background?

01:35:00.000 It looked like a crop was pushing her towards one direction. 1.00

01:35:06.000 Oh, there was a little cane sticking in there.

01:35:09.000 Yeah.

01:35:09.000 They prodded her?

01:35:10.000 Yeah.

01:35:11.000 It's like a cattle prod.

01:35:14.000 Yeah.

01:35:15.000 That is what it is.

01:35:16.000 Look.

01:35:16.000 Is that what it is?

01:35:17.000 Yes.

01:35:19.000 Yes.

01:35:19.000 That's exactly what it is.

01:35:20.000 It's somewhat a stick.

01:35:21.000 Get over there. 0.77

01:35:22.000 She's trying to cajole her. 1.00

01:35:23.000 Oh, wow.

01:35:24.000 She's wearing a diaper. 0.77

01:35:26.000 I mean, this is a tiny little kid. 0.99

01:35:28.000 Why are we looking at her butt? 1.00

01:35:29.000 Why? 0.99

01:35:29.000 Why is it even facing the camera? 0.99

01:35:33.000 Oh, someone's pissing in this baby's mouth. 1.00

01:35:37.000 That is milk. 0.71

01:35:38.000 That looks...

01:35:40.000 That's crazy.

01:35:40.000 That's like on the knees, doggy style.

01:35:43.000 Yeah, this is wild.

01:35:44.000 What is that?

01:35:49.000 I bet they paid him well.

01:35:50.000 He's got clothes on and then he takes his clothes off.

01:35:52.000 Yeah, look, and everyone's watching him dance.

01:35:55.000 This is weird.

01:35:57.000 Maybe she talks to her. 1.00

01:35:58.000 What the fuck? 1.00

01:36:00.000 Watch, watch, watch. 1.00

01:36:01.000 Oh, that boy's sad.

01:36:02.000 Watch, though.

01:36:03.000 Because she hugged the other boy.

01:36:04.000 Oh, so he steals from her.

01:36:05.000 Her lollipop.

01:36:05.000 Look, she's kissing him.

01:36:07.000 Watch. 1.00

01:36:10.000 She's such a dumb whore. 1.00

01:36:11.000 All she needs is sugar and I'll kiss you. 1.00

01:36:13.000 That was easy.

01:36:15.000 What's he doing? 1.00

01:36:16.000 What is he sucking on a dick? 1.00

01:36:17.000 Jesus! 1.00

01:36:18.000 What is happening here?

01:36:19.000 He's sucking on the finger of a glove and it's hanging.

01:36:27.000 Epstein Productions.

01:36:28.000 Oh! 0.60

01:36:30.000 That looked like a real fall.

01:36:31.000 Oh, that was a real fall.

01:36:32.000 No one cared.

01:36:33.000 No one cared.

01:36:34.000 That kid got cut up by that glass.

01:36:44.000 What?

01:36:46.000 What was Shirley Temple's last days of life like?

01:36:50.000 How depressing was that?

01:36:52.000 Because she was famous when she was young and she was not famous at all.

01:36:55.000 Look at her kissing a boy while she's hugging another boy.

01:36:58.000 He just said you'd be good till I get back.

01:37:00.000 How old is she here? 1.00

01:37:01.000 What, five?

01:37:02.000 She's a floozy. 1.00

01:37:03.000 Look. 0.95

01:37:03.000 She is. 0.95

01:37:04.000 She kissed that boy and he snuck away. 1.00

01:37:07.000 Women were all sluts back then. 1.00

01:37:08.000 That's what they're trying to say. 1.00

01:37:09.000 Can you look at Good Ship Lollipop?

01:37:12.000 This is the one that...

01:37:14.000 Because it's a lot of her at war with men.

01:37:16.000 And I don't know who her parents are.

01:37:18.000 Right.

01:37:19.000 This one's wild because at the end they give her a lollipop and it hits her hair. 0.98

01:37:23.000 Oh, here it is.

01:37:24.000 This is the Candyland Hour for all good children.

01:37:27.000 The orchestra will play our theme song.

01:37:30.000 You know that song, don't you?

01:37:31.000 Sure I do.

01:37:32.000 Well, let's sing it.

01:37:33.000 Come on.

01:37:33.000 Come on, girlie.

01:37:35.000 Why does her dress have to be that short? 1.00

01:37:38.000 Yeah, it's so short.

01:37:39.000 You're on a plane.

01:37:41.000 This is our entertainment.

01:37:43.000 I've thrown away my toys Even my drum and train I want to make no noise With real life in a role play Someday I'm going to fly.

01:38:00.000 I'll be a pilot too.

01:38:04.000 And when I do, how would you like to be my crew?

01:38:13.000 Not a woman inside. 1.00

01:38:18.000 Because I watch it constantly.

01:38:20.000 Look how little her skirt is. 1.00

01:38:23.000 Oh no!

01:38:24.000 And watch when she sits on a man's lap. 1.00

01:38:39.000 Is that supposed to be a plane?

01:38:41.000 And why is it so low?

01:38:45.000 She's always like the only girl on a plane or a ship. 0.97

01:38:49.000 But what is that supposed to be?

01:38:50.000 Is it supposed to be a train?

01:38:51.000 It looks like a train.

01:38:52.000 It must be, right?

01:38:53.000 You've got to watch the ending.

01:39:00.000 She's pulling her skirt up. 0.52

01:39:02.000 Yep. 1.00

01:39:07.000 What the fuck? 1.00

01:39:09.000 Why? 1.00

01:39:14.000 Now he's passing her around.

01:39:17.000 It's a gangbang.

01:39:21.000 Where's the mom? 0.99

01:39:23.000 Watch this! 0.91

01:39:24.000 Watch this! 0.99

01:39:28.000 Why do we have to do a cum shot on Shirley Temple? 0.99

01:39:30.000 Was that coke or a cum shot? 1.00

01:39:32.000 I thought it was coke. 0.99

01:39:35.000 They did a lot of coke back then.

01:39:38.000 Could be that. 1.00

01:39:43.000 Okay, what the fuck? 1.00

01:39:45.000 They just shitting her. 1.00

01:39:47.000 They came on her and then they shit on her. 1.00

01:39:49.000 Cleveland Steamer on Shirley Temple? 1.00

01:39:50.000 I don't like it.

01:39:52.000 And another one.

01:39:57.000 Does his hand need to be there? 0.91

01:40:01.000 She's sick. 0.99

01:40:10.000 Why is she frowning now?

01:40:13.000 She's going to get tired? 0.99

01:40:15.000 She's sugar crashing. 1.00

01:40:16.000 Yeah.

01:40:16.000 With a tummy ache.

01:40:27.000 She's drugged. 0.93

01:40:28.000 They drugged us.

01:40:30.000 All the men are getting excited.

01:40:32.000 Imagine grown men being remotely interested in this.

01:40:36.000 Everyone in this video should go to jail. 0.99

01:40:39.000 Probably all dead. 0.97

01:40:40.000 But what a strange...

01:40:42.000 They scared her.

01:40:46.000 She's a child, though.

01:40:51.000 Boy, what they thought was entertaining back then is so...

01:40:55.000 Now, see if you can find Shirley Temple in her later years. 0.84

01:40:58.000 Find a video of Shirley Temple on, like, The Carson Show or some shit when she was 80. People say she was, like, oddly normal, but I think she took a lot of time off.

01:41:08.000 I did...

01:41:09.000 I thought you were gonna say Prozac.

01:41:10.000 Oh, probably.

01:41:11.000 Probably a lot of something.

01:41:13.000 Valium.

01:41:14.000 I was re-watching this Hedy Lamarr documentary.

01:41:18.000 Are you a Hedy Lamarr?

01:41:19.000 Oh, no.

01:41:20.000 The reason I sort of got into her is Mitzi Shore used to call me Hedy Lamarr. 1.00

01:41:25.000 Oh, really?

01:41:25.000 Mm-hmm.

01:41:26.000 Do you know Hedy Lamarr invented Wi-Fi?

01:41:29.000 Crazy.

01:41:30.000 Yeah.

01:41:30.000 She was in my act.

01:41:33.000 Yes!

01:41:33.000 Your last hour.

01:41:35.000 Yes!

01:41:36.000 With the vegan cat.

01:41:37.000 With the inventors.

01:41:39.000 Is that Shirley Temple?

01:41:41.000 Let me hear.

01:41:43.000 But I'm pleased with the results.

01:41:45.000 This is on all your own?

01:41:46.000 You didn't collaborate with anyone?

01:41:48.000 No.

01:41:48.000 No ghost.

01:41:49.000 And very candid.

01:41:51.000 Open.

01:41:52.000 Was that hard?

01:41:53.000 Yeah, it's embarrassing.

01:41:55.000 Some of the things are kind of embarrassing.

01:41:57.000 But if you do an autobiography, you have to tell it like it was.

01:42:02.000 There have been about 12 biographies written about me, and one of them, kind of a recent one, I'm told has 526 factual errors.

01:42:15.000 So the main reason I wanted to write this...

01:42:18.000 I just want to know I did not apply the blackface myself.

01:42:22.000 Justin Trudeau helped me.

01:42:24.000 When you see, like when we showed the opening, the little Shirley Temple dance, how do you look at that?

01:42:30.000 I was there.

01:42:31.000 I remember it very vividly.

01:42:35.000 We don't remember when we were five years old.

01:42:37.000 I don't remember.

01:42:38.000 People don't remember.

01:42:39.000 Larry, I remember when I was 10 months old.

01:42:41.000 Okay.

01:42:42.000 She's crazy. 0.96

01:42:43.000 We lost her. 1.00

01:42:44.000 Eh, we lost her. 0.93

01:42:45.000 So close.

01:42:47.000 Is that the oldest version of her that you can get?

01:42:49.000 There's one other video.

01:42:50.000 I said it's her last interview.

01:42:52.000 She's on a red carpet.

01:42:52.000 What is that?

01:42:53.000 Look down.

01:42:53.000 Why is she holding that man's...

01:42:54.000 She's holding that man's face.

01:42:57.000 What's the other one?

01:42:58.000 The last interview on the route?

01:43:01.000 Click on that.

01:43:01.000 Oh, my God.

01:43:03.000 Oh, my God.

01:43:04.000 Okay.

01:43:06.000 Okay, you just made my night.

01:43:07.000 Good.

01:43:08.000 You just made my night because you know what?

01:43:10.000 We love you.

01:43:11.000 You know what?

01:43:11.000 It's cold down here.

01:43:12.000 It is a little chill.

01:43:13.000 I'm getting a little goose bumpy.

01:43:15.000 Oh my gosh.

01:43:15.000 You were smart because you have the jacket.

01:43:16.000 I have a jacket, yep.

01:43:19.000 Great small talk, guys.

01:43:25.000 How old was she when she died?

01:43:31.000 She is dead, right?

01:43:32.000 Yeah.

01:43:33.000 There's another video out here that says zero to 77 years old.

01:43:36.000 So she died when she was 77?

01:43:38.000 2014, just after her.

01:43:39.000 Oh, wow.

01:43:41.000 Because I know Betty Page, she didn't want anyone to take photos of her after she was like 30 or something. 1.00

01:43:47.000 You can't find anything of her after that, right?

01:43:50.000 And then I looked up Hedy Lamarr, because Hedy Lamarr, in addition to all the stuff you talked about, I'm sure you know, she experimented with plastic surgery on herself. 0.95

01:44:00.000 Like, she would talk to doctors and be like, well, if you put this in here, so...

01:44:03.000 Oh, no.

01:44:04.000 Yeah, so there's some videos and photos of her later. 0.99

01:44:07.000 Do you know that's Leah Lamar's like grandchild or some shit? 0.98

01:44:10.000 Are you serious? 0.99

01:44:11.000 Yeah, Leah Lamar is related to Hedy Lamar.

01:44:14.000 She came up to me and talked to me about it because she had heard my bit about Hedy Lamar inventing Wi-Fi.

01:44:20.000 I was with her three nights ago at the outdoor show in LA and someone said, you're bringing up Leah Lamar and I was like, wait a second.

01:44:28.000 It's two R's. 1.00

01:44:29.000 There's no way she's related to Hetty. 1.00

01:44:32.000 She's related to Hetty. 1.00

01:44:33.000 That's crazy.

01:44:35.000 And honestly, I see it.

01:44:36.000 She's got that beautiful porcelain skin.

01:44:40.000 Wow.

01:44:41.000 You totally could see it.

01:44:42.000 Now find Lea Lamar. 1.00

01:44:45.000 Yeah, she's really funny.

01:44:47.000 But that's so interesting.

01:44:51.000 I mean, I see it.

01:44:53.000 I definitely see it.

01:44:54.000 She doesn't talk about it in her act, or at least I haven't seen her talk about it.

01:44:58.000 There's no comparisons, are there?

01:44:59.000 Yeah, there's one that, well, no.

01:45:01.000 That's pretty nice.

01:45:02.000 It's her, I'm sorry, her niece, did you say?

01:45:04.000 I don't remember.

01:45:06.000 I wish I could remember, but she's 100% related to Hedy Lamarr.

01:45:09.000 That's bonkers.

01:45:11.000 Yeah.

01:45:11.000 Well, there's not a ton of money because she didn't get any credit for what she invented.

01:45:14.000 No, she got robbed.

01:45:16.000 Majorly robbed.

01:45:16.000 Yeah.

01:45:19.000 It was only one of multiple inventions from Hedy Lamarr.

01:45:25.000 Hedy Lamarr was brilliant.

01:45:26.000 She had something in flight as well, right?

01:45:29.000 She helped Howard Hughes.

01:45:30.000 Let's find out what Hedy Lamarr's invention was.

01:45:31.000 Radio-controlled torpedoes.

01:45:33.000 Yeah, wow.

01:45:35.000 Traffic stoplight and a tablet that would dissolve in water to create a carbonated drink.

01:45:40.000 Jesus.

01:45:40.000 Wow.

01:45:41.000 Beverage was unsuccessful, it says.

01:45:42.000 She's a smart lady. 0.97

01:45:43.000 She was also arrested for shoplifting.

01:45:45.000 In 1955, Lamar was arrested in Los Angeles for shoplifting.

01:45:49.000 The charges were eventually dropped.

01:45:50.000 Maybe she was like Winona Ryder, just doing it for thrills. 1.00

01:45:54.000 She was arrested, the same charge in Florida, this time for stealing $21.48 worth of laxatives and eye drops.

01:46:02.000 Maybe she was like, I've been robbed so much because I invented the internet and I'm broke.

01:46:06.000 I deserve these eye drops.

01:46:08.000 By this time, so we're talking about this is the 90s.

01:46:12.000 She's probably really poor. 0.93

01:46:15.000 Of course, yeah.

01:46:16.000 Oh yeah, Calling Hedy Lamarr was released in 2004. There was another one that was more recent that talked about her contributions to plastic surgery.

01:46:25.000 Like she would sit down with plastic surgeons and they would try it out on her. 0.97

01:46:29.000 So why don't you Google Hedy Lamarr plastic surgery?

01:46:32.000 Uh-oh.

01:46:34.000 3.3 million.

01:46:36.000 Oh, so she did have money that was left.

01:46:38.000 Hmm.

01:46:40.000 Interesting.

01:46:41.000 That's so fascinating.

01:46:45.000 That is so fascinating.

01:46:46.000 And then in terms of, I was thinking about in Top Gun last night, do you enjoy flying?

01:46:50.000 Do you ever want to fly planes?

01:46:52.000 No.

01:46:52.000 Okay.

01:46:53.000 Me either.

01:46:54.000 I mean, I would.

01:46:55.000 I mean, the problem is I would get into it.

01:46:58.000 With me, anything that I do, I go, I don't have the time for that.

01:47:02.000 Yeah.

01:47:02.000 You know, I don't, I have to be careful.

01:47:05.000 Because you're 100%.

01:47:06.000 It'll be all-consuming.

01:47:07.000 Yeah.

01:47:09.000 It's a good thing if you harness it. 0.99

01:47:12.000 Whatever I have, whatever fucking mental illness I have, it's very good if I can harness it. 0.98

01:47:16.000 But I have to be aware of it. 0.99

01:47:18.000 I can't just go around playing golf.

01:47:22.000 I can't do that.

01:47:23.000 I can't even play chess.

01:47:25.000 I can't casually play things.

01:47:26.000 So there she was. 0.95

01:47:32.000 Something weird was going on.

01:47:33.000 I think we haven't seen someone age naturally in so long we don't even know what it looks like.

01:47:37.000 Right.

01:47:39.000 Everybody's all Botoxed up and filled with fillers. 0.58

01:47:41.000 We don't have a point of reference anymore.

01:47:43.000 I don't even think we would know what Norma looks like at this point. 0.67

01:47:46.000 That's really fascinating.

01:47:48.000 But yeah, because I know Bill got really into flying helicopters.

01:47:51.000 Oh yeah, yeah.

01:47:52.000 He took me up.

01:47:53.000 We flew around downtown LA. What's crazy about helicopters is you could kind of fly wherever you want.

01:48:00.000 You know, it's like going in the ocean and swimming.

01:48:03.000 It's not like, you know, if you're on a road, there's very specific roads, like here's a 405, this is the 10, you got to go this way or that way. 0.98

01:48:10.000 When you're on a helicopter, you go wherever the fuck you want. 0.90

01:48:12.000 So we were flying around downtown LA. That would spook me out. 0.99

01:48:16.000 We were flying, like, you know, 50 yards away from buildings and shit, just flying around. 0.90

01:48:21.000 And one of the things that was wild about it is, like, you realize how many of these buildings have, like, a landing spot on the top of the building. 0.57

01:48:28.000 Yeah.

01:48:29.000 Yeah.

01:48:29.000 I guess that's probably for emergency vehicles or something?

01:48:32.000 No, for helicopters.

01:48:33.000 Oh, yeah, if there's, like, a...

01:48:34.000 Some baller. 0.99

01:48:35.000 He's like, I want to fly in on a fucking helicopter and land on my building. 1.00

01:48:40.000 And he lands on his... 0.99

01:48:41.000 I don't know who that guy is.

01:48:43.000 This is Harvey.

01:48:43.000 George Soros.

01:48:45.000 Oh, this is what I was going to say.

01:48:47.000 This is how we get good movies.

01:48:48.000 Some good movies.

01:48:49.000 Oh, Harvey? 1.00

01:48:50.000 This is fucked up. 0.99

01:48:51.000 We get all the canceled guys. 0.99

01:48:53.000 Oh, Tony has a bid on this.

01:48:54.000 Oh, does he?

01:48:55.000 Yeah.

01:48:55.000 And they need to make a super movie?

01:48:56.000 Yeah.

01:48:57.000 I don't want to do it because I don't want to ruin it, but Tony got a really funny bit about it.

01:49:01.000 A lot of talented people are on the bench, and their penance should be they have to start making movies again for us, and the money goes to whatever cause.

01:49:08.000 Yeah.

01:49:09.000 Because if Brett Ratner, Harvey Weinstein...

01:49:12.000 Roman Polanski.

01:49:13.000 Roman Polanski.

01:49:14.000 That's the hard one.

01:49:15.000 How good were his movies?

01:49:18.000 What was Roman Polanski's finest movies?

01:49:20.000 He was in some kind of whack movie with Johnny Depp in the 2000s.

01:49:24.000 I don't need to fight for Roman Polanski.

01:49:25.000 I don't remember a movie that moved me.

01:49:28.000 Wasn't he in Rosemary's...

01:49:29.000 Didn't he direct Rosemary's Baby?

01:49:32.000 That could be true.

01:49:33.000 Roman Polanski, IMDb.

01:49:35.000 Okay, yeah.

01:49:36.000 Frantic with Harrison Ford, which is really weird because it was an underage girl. 0.92

01:49:39.000 Oh, he directed Chinatown. 0.99

01:49:41.000 Ooh, okay. 1.00

01:49:42.000 That's a good fucking movie. 1.00

01:49:42.000 That's a great movie. 1.00

01:49:43.000 Yeah, he did Rosemary's Baby.

01:49:46.000 Click more.

01:49:47.000 Oliver Twist.

01:49:48.000 I don't need that in my...

01:49:49.000 The Pianist.

01:49:50.000 That's right.

01:49:51.000 That's an amazing movie.

01:49:52.000 Rush Hour.

01:49:53.000 What?

01:49:54.000 What?

01:49:55.000 He might have produced it.

01:49:56.000 He might have produced it.

01:49:57.000 They might not have just been directing.

01:49:58.000 I think it's because he's associated because he's a character.

01:50:02.000 Oh.

01:50:02.000 Character.

01:50:03.000 Yeah.

01:50:04.000 Kid stays in the picture.

01:50:05.000 It would have been just for an interview.

01:50:06.000 Yeah, Macbeth.

01:50:08.000 Huh.

01:50:09.000 That's right, that one.

01:50:09.000 That may be his biggest one.

01:50:10.000 The Pianist was giant.

01:50:12.000 Well, so was Chinatown. 1.00

01:50:13.000 Yes.

01:50:14.000 Chinatown, Jack Nicholson.

01:50:15.000 Rosemary's Baby was giant, too.

01:50:17.000 It's pretty big.

01:50:18.000 It's a pretty big movie.

01:50:19.000 Yeah.

01:50:19.000 Yeah, it's...

01:50:21.000 They just remade it.

01:50:22.000 It was not successful.

01:50:24.000 The new Rosemary's Baby?

01:50:25.000 They made one?

01:50:26.000 Really?

01:50:26.000 Yeah, they're trying to remake a lot of movies.

01:50:29.000 Yeah, it's bizarre.

01:50:30.000 But yeah, I don't like Woody Allen.

01:50:32.000 I'm the same with it.

01:50:33.000 I'm like, I don't know.

01:50:35.000 I didn't love his movies.

01:50:37.000 I know everyone else loved it.

01:50:38.000 I loved Danny Hall, and then I was kind of like, this feels like the same movie.

01:50:42.000 This kind of feels like an excuse for you to go to Europe with Penelope Cruz and Scarlett Johansson.

01:50:46.000 There's no story here.

01:50:48.000 Well, you know, his movies were an extension of his personnel, which is also like a stand-up.

01:50:55.000 If you go listen to a stand-up, it's okay.

01:50:58.000 It's kind of funny.

01:50:59.000 It's okay.

01:51:00.000 It's kind of funny.

01:51:00.000 But it's also, if you watched his movies in 1970, they would be brilliant.

01:51:07.000 I mean, movies were different then.

01:51:10.000 The culture was different then.

01:51:12.000 People were different then.

01:51:13.000 Our perceptions of things were different then.

01:51:15.000 If you watch those movies today, they're like, okay, you know.

01:51:19.000 I don't enjoy watching men be neurotic.

01:51:23.000 It makes me sick.

01:51:24.000 Yeah.

01:51:25.000 Oh, my life is so hard.

01:51:26.000 I'm so scared of everything.

01:51:27.000 You're a strong woman, and you don't like neurotic men.

01:51:31.000 Yeah, but there's a certain type of guy that sort of wears that Jewish neurosis like a badge of honor. 1.00

01:51:40.000 But what I really don't like about it is that I feel like you're trying to make yourself seem innocuous.

01:51:46.000 Ah. 1.00

01:51:46.000 Because then you're going to do shady shit. 1.00

01:51:49.000 Like, look at me. 0.99

01:51:50.000 I'm so harmless.

01:51:50.000 I'm afraid of spiders and lobsters.

01:51:52.000 Like, there's no way that I would be dating my stepdaughter.

01:51:56.000 Like, who?

01:51:56.000 Me?

01:51:57.000 It feels like you're trying to get ahead of something.

01:52:00.000 Well, in his case, duh.

01:52:03.000 Yeah.

01:52:04.000 I just, like, yuck.

01:52:05.000 Yeah.

01:52:06.000 Like, I never fell under that spell of, like, Woody Allen is the greatest to ever do anything.

01:52:12.000 Right.

01:52:12.000 But it's also one of the things that happens is a guy becomes established as being a great person and then that becomes the narrative.

01:52:20.000 Like, he's great.

01:52:21.000 His movies are great.

01:52:23.000 Oh, it's a Woody Allen movie.

01:52:24.000 Woody's amazing.

01:52:25.000 He's amazing.

01:52:25.000 This is what I don't like.

01:52:26.000 I don't like if I disagree with you, I'm dumb. 0.99

01:52:28.000 Right. 0.98

01:52:29.000 You know what I'm saying?

01:52:29.000 If I'm like, oh, I didn't feel that way.

01:52:30.000 Like, I must be...

01:52:31.000 Because I think a lot of people start to, you know, put something on a pedestal as like the paragon of great and then... 0.99

01:52:38.000 It just becomes this cult thing of like if you disagree you're dumb.

01:52:41.000 I remember like when I first watched a couple David Lynch movies I was like I hadn't really gotten in deep enough, but I found that if you say, I didn't really get that, people are like, oh! 0.95

01:52:50.000 I'm like, you explain to me what you got.

01:52:53.000 And it falls apart very quickly.

01:52:55.000 Well, it's just genius.

01:52:55.000 It's meta.

01:52:57.000 Well, there's a lot of people, yeah, when someone becomes genius, that you're not allowed to critique it.

01:53:03.000 Yeah, it becomes a thing.

01:53:04.000 Or can I just say, I don't get it.

01:53:06.000 Can you explain it to me? 1.00

01:53:07.000 And then they can't, and they just think you're dumb. 0.98

01:53:09.000 I'm like, well, you can't explain it either. 1.00

01:53:11.000 I've been guilty of that, too, though, because, like, Coen Brothers movies, I'm a giant fan of the Coen Brothers movies, and I've talked to people that don't like The Big Lebowski, and I'm like, well, you can eat shit. 1.00

01:53:19.000 Well, that's a sick person. 0.99

01:53:21.000 Yeah, right? 0.97

01:53:22.000 See what I'm saying? 1.00

01:53:24.000 Well, that's a moron. 1.00

01:53:25.000 We're fucking hypocrites. 1.00

01:53:26.000 Yeah, you're sick. 1.00

01:53:27.000 We're both hypocrites. 0.98

01:53:28.000 Yeah, but it's more like, I think No Country for Old Men is more the, this is gonna get me in such hot water, because, you know, the guy that I'm dating, it's his favorite movie.

01:53:36.000 It is...

01:53:37.000 I find men, it's No Country for Old Men, Field of Dreams, Rudy.

01:53:44.000 Like, there's a couple movies you just, as a woman, you just can't, you're not allowed to touch. 0.99

01:53:48.000 Really?

01:53:48.000 Because they're just so important to men in a way that maybe I just wouldn't understand.

01:53:51.000 What?

01:53:52.000 No Country for Old Men. 0.96

01:53:53.000 I'm not sure I even understand the movie.

01:53:56.000 Like, it's so compelling.

01:53:57.000 I love watching it.

01:53:58.000 But my guy, it's like his, like, we can't even talk about it.

01:54:02.000 He gets so angry if I even, I'm like, but what?

01:54:04.000 Why did he have to have that haircut?

01:54:06.000 I just have questions. 0.99

01:54:08.000 Part of the greatness of that movie is his haircut is so goofy and he's so fucking terrifying. 0.95

01:54:13.000 Yes, it's just like... 0.98

01:54:14.000 The choices are so wild that...

01:54:19.000 Another Harvey Weinstein produced?

01:54:21.000 Yes, the Harvard-Weinstein joint.

01:54:22.000 But the Coen brothers are just genius.

01:54:24.000 What year was that movie?

01:54:27.000 2007. Remember he would kill people with, what was it?

01:54:30.000 It was a cattle thing that they drive through cow's brains. 1.00

01:54:34.000 And then if Tommy Lee Jones is in a movie, I've learned to not make fun of it to a guy.

01:54:40.000 Really?

01:54:41.000 If Tommy Lee Jones is in it, it's probably like a special movie. 0.82

01:54:44.000 Oh, he was in some horseshit movies. 0.64

01:54:45.000 That's true. 0.97

01:54:46.000 Tommy Lee Jones is in some goofy movie where he was an assassin and someone else was an assassin.

01:54:51.000 He's got to have a fist fight.

01:54:53.000 He does the best when he's the older cop.

01:54:56.000 You know what I mean?

01:54:57.000 Right, the sensible guy that's seen it all. 1.00

01:54:58.000 Who's like, ah, shit. 1.00

01:54:59.000 Yeah, ah, shit. 1.00

01:55:01.000 The Fugitive, remember The Fugitive? 1.00

01:55:02.000 Yeah.

01:55:02.000 Great movie.

01:55:03.000 He was just chasing...

01:55:04.000 He does well when he's chasing someone, but he's not in a rush.

01:55:09.000 Have you watched The Old Man, the Jeff Bridges new series?

01:55:14.000 No.

01:55:15.000 It's really good in the beginning, but then when I get into the last episode, I'm like, you guys have a little bit, there's a little too much talking going on here.

01:55:23.000 It's a little too involved, and they're trying to work the script out through explaining things, like people talking and explaining things.

01:55:31.000 Like exposition.

01:55:32.000 Yeah, I'm like, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

01:55:36.000 Go back to the editing room.

01:55:38.000 We get it.

01:55:39.000 That feels like a network note.

01:55:42.000 That's what happens when networks get involved.

01:55:43.000 They're like, well, we need to explain what's happening so the audience isn't confused.

01:55:46.000 The thing is, in the beginning, there's none of that.

01:55:49.000 What's really compelling about the beginning of the show is that there's very little of that. 0.94

01:55:54.000 And then you're trying to figure out what the fuck is happening and then you realize, oh my god, this guy is a killer for the CIA that has been on the run for all these years. 0.91

01:56:03.000 And you figure it out while the show's going on and now he's, you know, this old guy. 0.99

01:56:07.000 I think that's good.

01:56:08.000 Let the audience catch up.

01:56:09.000 Yes.

01:56:10.000 Somewhere along the line, they decided to start explaining things.

01:56:13.000 It got to this point where you're like, this is like, it's too...

01:56:18.000 Forced.

01:56:20.000 No one talks like that.

01:56:22.000 No one is like, hey, so ever since you've been divorced, I know things have been crazy.

01:56:25.000 You're just like, what?

01:56:27.000 I haven't seen you in a couple years.

01:56:29.000 How are you doing post-divorce?

01:56:30.000 I hate when I really like something and then it loses me towards the end.

01:56:34.000 I'm like, oh.

01:56:35.000 I know.

01:56:35.000 We came so far together.

01:56:37.000 Yeah, and now I'm on episode six, and I'm like, what?

01:56:39.000 That's so disappointing. 0.95

01:56:41.000 It's also, there's too many cut-the-shit scenes. 0.95

01:56:43.000 By the time I'm like, how is this guy just roaming around? 0.95

01:56:45.000 This is 2022. They would have got him.

01:56:49.000 For you to tell me that the CIA is not...

01:56:50.000 23 and me would have got him.

01:56:52.000 It's not just that.

01:56:53.000 He didn't change his looks.

01:56:56.000 The whole thing is crazy. 0.87

01:56:57.000 If you wanted to go off the grid right now, Like fake your own death, whatever, and disappear.

01:57:03.000 How long could you do it?

01:57:04.000 If you had no phone, could you do it?

01:57:08.000 Yeah, I could do it.

01:57:09.000 Go AWOL. Yeah, but I would need to go to the mountains and I would need equipment.

01:57:15.000 For the rest of your life, or you're gonna take cash with you and then just go in and...

01:57:18.000 Well, it depends on where you want to go, okay? 0.99

01:57:20.000 You can go to Alaska, and there's motherfuckers in Alaska right now that are off the grid forever. 1.00

01:57:26.000 Uh-huh. 0.99

01:57:26.000 But the thing is, you're gonna need bullets. 0.99

01:57:29.000 Yeah. 0.93

01:57:30.000 If you're gonna shoot caribou and that's where you're gonna get your food, you're gonna need bullets. 0.52

01:57:34.000 You're gonna need gas, probably.

01:57:35.000 Well, you don't need gas.

01:57:37.000 If you can go to a place where you can walk around and, you know, you're in the middle of the...

01:57:41.000 Have you ever seen Heinmo's Arctic Adventure?

01:57:45.000 There's a Vice Guy to Travel documentary thing, like a series thing, on this guy who moved to the Arctic in...

01:57:57.000 I want to say the 70s he got a job up there and he decided to stay and he lives in this small cabin and He's like the last Like sanctioned person to be able to live there and when he moves out No one ever is allowed to live there again, 0.87

01:58:13.000 and he lives a completely subsistence lifestyle up there Yeah, and so this guy I mean, during the course of this show, and by the way, this was when Vice was the shit, okay? 0.97

01:58:25.000 This is like the early days of Vice when, you know, they were these reporters that would be embedded in fucking Afghanistan. 0.99

01:58:32.000 Crazy. 0.99

01:58:33.000 They would do things. 0.99

01:58:35.000 You know wasn't like all woke bullshit like it is now, but what this kid does is he goes out and it's like the perfect looking guy for the job because it's like this nerdy looking New York kid with glasses and he goes to this guy's cabin in Alaska and he shows like the caribou that he's got hanging from a tree and You know while he's there bears come and they try to get him and he has to fucking kill a bear and And then after he kills the bear, 0.97

01:59:02.000 he cuts the bear's head off, and he has to send the bear to the wildlife biologist so they can determine the bear's age, because when you murder a grizzly bear up there, you're supposed to do that. 0.97

01:59:12.000 Oh, really?

01:59:13.000 Yeah, so he's got...

01:59:14.000 But it's legal to do that if it is attacking you?

01:59:16.000 Well, he's defending his life and property.

01:59:18.000 So grizzlies, black bears are smaller.

01:59:21.000 Grizzlies are, I mean, how many pounds is that? 0.95

01:59:23.000 That's the bear.

01:59:23.000 Jesus Christ.

01:59:24.000 That's the bear that he had to shoot.

01:59:25.000 Well, it depends.

01:59:27.000 Grizzlies...

01:59:28.000 So there's a grizzly bear and a brown bear are essentially...

01:59:31.000 Oh, sure.

01:59:32.000 I was not ready for that.

01:59:33.000 I wasn't ready for beheading.

01:59:34.000 I was not ready for that.

01:59:35.000 Does that freak you out?

01:59:37.000 No, I in general...

01:59:39.000 I know...

01:59:40.000 I think that, again, as I get mature in life, I'm trying to just know myself better instead of...

01:59:47.000 I know...

01:59:49.000 If I see a really rough image, it'll just stick with me and I'll...

01:59:54.000 Replay it in my head.

01:59:55.000 And I like to maybe just...

01:59:57.000 I'm trying to get off Instagram a little more because, you know, sometimes you'll just see something.

02:00:02.000 You're just like at two o'clock.

02:00:03.000 You weren't prepared to see whether it's just like a horrible piece of news or like an image or, you know, you know, I know everyone loves the nature loves metal.

02:00:11.000 The nature is metal.

02:00:13.000 I love those, too.

02:00:14.000 But sometimes I'm just like, you know, I... I go to those first thing in the morning.

02:00:19.000 It's so crazy.

02:00:20.000 I have to be like, okay, I'm about to see something horrible happen.

02:00:23.000 First thing in the morning, I want to watch two eagles kill a coyote. 1.00

02:00:26.000 Dude, I'm just saying, I open my phone, it's just like a chimpanzee ripping a baby out of a fucking stroller. 0.99

02:00:31.000 I'm like, Jesus, guys, let me just regroup. 0.98

02:00:34.000 First thing in the morning, I go to the nature documentaries and the nature films.

02:00:38.000 That's what I like.

02:00:39.000 Is that how you got to motivate yourself? 1.00

02:00:40.000 It's a fucking dog-eat-dog world out there. 1.00

02:00:43.000 No, to motivate you to eat a lizard. 1.00

02:00:46.000 Lizards are okay. 1.00

02:00:47.000 Yeah, fuck lizards. 1.00

02:00:48.000 I know, but the one where... 1.00

02:00:50.000 Is it the monkey smashing the seagull?

02:00:53.000 Yes!

02:00:53.000 I love that one.

02:00:54.000 It looks so human the way he's doing it.

02:00:56.000 Yeah, he's on top of a pole at the zoo. 1.00

02:00:58.000 He caught a fucking bird slipping. 0.99

02:01:01.000 I get too sad because when chimpanzees and monkeys, it looks so human. 1.00

02:01:07.000 It is human.

02:01:08.000 I mean, it's primate.

02:01:09.000 We're primates.

02:01:10.000 We're monkeys.

02:01:11.000 It makes me sad.

02:01:13.000 Look at that one.

02:01:14.000 What is it?

02:01:15.000 It's a leopard eating a monkey while its baby clings onto the carcass.

02:01:20.000 Can we go back to Shirley Temple in Blackface, please?

02:01:22.000 On the good ship.

02:01:25.000 Lollipop.

02:01:26.000 That is way more disturbing to me than these animal videos.

02:01:29.000 Isn't that shocking?

02:01:31.000 Yeah.

02:01:32.000 If you're famous at five, that means at three they started training you.

02:01:36.000 I clicked on that one.

02:01:38.000 This one's edited a little bit, but there's a couple very strange scenes.

02:01:42.000 Early Hollywood pedophilia.

02:01:44.000 Shirley Temple in Poor Little Rich Girl.

02:01:48.000 Why?

02:01:48.000 Wait, what?

02:01:49.000 Oh, this is a video someone made.

02:01:51.000 Come over here. 1.00

02:01:53.000 Kick him in the dick. 1.00

02:01:56.000 You like these pictures? 1.00

02:01:58.000 Wait, what?

02:02:01.000 He licks his finger.

02:02:03.000 Why does he do that?

02:02:04.000 Oh, Jesus.

02:02:08.000 Wait, what just happened?

02:02:09.000 Watch, he licks his finger.

02:02:10.000 Watch, watch this.

02:02:11.000 Are they saying he put his finger?

02:02:12.000 Yes.

02:02:13.000 That's exactly what they're saying.

02:02:14.000 Watch, look.

02:02:14.000 He licks his finger.

02:02:30.000 What? 1.00

02:02:30.000 Now that your shrivel-ass finger's in my butthole, I'm taking a liking to ya. 1.00

02:02:34.000 Why did he lick his finger and then have her sit on his hand? 1.00

02:02:37.000 But did you see her expression?

02:02:38.000 She kinda went like... 0.99

02:02:41.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:02:41.000 What the fuck is that? 0.99

02:02:44.000 It's, when you think about all the rehearsing and the training and the wardrobe fittings and the, like, it just... 1.00

02:02:49.000 The licking the fingers, like, what the fuck is that about? 0.98

02:02:53.000 Bro, that is the weirdest thing I've ever seen in my life. 0.99

02:02:55.000 That is so fucking disturbing. 0.96

02:02:57.000 In plain sight. 1.00

02:02:58.000 That he would lick his finger and then she sits on his hand. 0.70

02:03:02.000 Show that. 0.73

02:03:02.000 Don't show that again. 0.73

02:03:03.000 He's a thousand years old.

02:03:05.000 Like, that was just a movie. 1.00

02:03:06.000 Yeah, what the fuck is that? 0.99

02:03:08.000 I didn't think I was gonna like you, but I like you now. 0.99

02:03:12.000 Now I do.

02:03:13.000 After you sit on my lap, I'm gonna...

02:03:16.000 But someone trained her to dance that way.

02:03:19.000 Like, there is a baby burlesque where she's topless. 1.00

02:03:22.000 We saw one where she wasn't, but it's basically baby porn. 0.98

02:03:25.000 It's like dancing, you know? 1.00

02:03:27.000 So it's like a lot of dark, dark shit, dude. 1.00

02:03:31.000 Dark that that exists. 1.00

02:03:33.000 Hollywood.

02:03:34.000 We need to cancel Shirley Temple to drink.

02:03:36.000 Now, let's break this down, because do you think, this is my take on Hollywood has always been, one of the weirdest aspects about it is that there's gateways to you working, right?

02:03:49.000 Like someone, you have to audition, and you can become a star, like the Harvey Weinstein thing.

02:03:55.000 You can become a star through this guy.

02:03:58.000 And so he's got like, Quentin Tarantino, when he was on the podcast, was telling me about this old school director that had a bedroom in his office.

02:04:07.000 So he had his office, and in the office it was a bedroom where he would take the starlets, all of them. 1.00

02:04:12.000 Like, if you were going to be a star, this guy had to fuck you. 1.00

02:04:15.000 Apparently Hitchcock was pretty nasty. 1.00

02:04:17.000 Really?

02:04:17.000 Uh-huh.

02:04:19.000 I bet they all were.

02:04:20.000 I bet that was the gig.

02:04:22.000 Who was it?

02:04:24.000 Melanie Griffith's mom.

02:04:25.000 Tippi Hedren.

02:04:27.000 Tippi Hedren, who now has a tiger sanctuary, by the way.

02:04:30.000 Have you ever seen the trailer for the movie Roar?

02:04:33.000 R-O-A-R? Tippi Hedren.

02:04:35.000 Yeah, we're going to do a fight companion for that.

02:04:37.000 Oh, that's right.

02:04:38.000 It's such a bad movie that we were going to get high and watch the movie, the entire movie, with comics, and do a fight companion with war.

02:04:48.000 We probably still should do that.

02:04:50.000 That's genius.

02:04:50.000 I downloaded it and have it saved.

02:04:52.000 Yeah.

02:04:52.000 Oh, you did?

02:04:53.000 Nice.

02:04:54.000 I just did Are We Drunk in New York, and we're like, God, Rogan should be here.

02:04:58.000 And they were like, we already do a show like this, like the parks show where you guys sit around and protect our parks.

02:05:04.000 Yeah, we get blasted. 0.99

02:05:07.000 Those shows are the most ridiculous. 0.97

02:05:09.000 Did you see the last one where Ari tried to keep up with Shane Gillis? 0.98

02:05:12.000 I imagine that did not go well for Ari.

02:05:14.000 He tried to drink every beer that Shane drank.

02:05:17.000 Shane put away 17 or 18 18. We'll just say 18. 18 beers.

02:05:24.000 In a three and a half hour podcast, he drank 18 beers.

02:05:27.000 And Ari got to, what did he get to about 15?

02:05:30.000 I think it was 15, and I don't remember if two of the 15 were mine, or he had 17 and two of those were mine.

02:05:36.000 So it was either 13 or 15. It's either 13 or 15, and then he's throwing up at a cooler, and he's blacked out.

02:05:41.000 Amazing.

02:05:41.000 He fell asleep on the floor.

02:05:43.000 We had to get the manager to come in every half hour or so just to check on him, make sure he's still alive, because he was conked out right below where you're sitting.

02:05:53.000 And the only reason why he didn't throw up all over the floor and ruin the whole place is because we got him a cooler.

02:05:58.000 So he threw up into a cooler.

02:06:02.000 Question.

02:06:02.000 Hmm.

02:06:03.000 Okay, so the thing about Hollywood.

02:06:05.000 Right.

02:06:06.000 Yes, there's all these...

02:06:08.000 We'll get into all the nitty-gritty, but, you know, James Corden is leaving, or whatever.

02:06:14.000 Curious.

02:06:15.000 Do you think there's ever a version?

02:06:17.000 Ever, ever, ever?

02:06:18.000 Because it feels like that's kind of over, you know?

02:06:20.000 But is there ever a version that whoever takes that spot...

02:06:23.000 Is cool.

02:06:25.000 You know?

02:06:26.000 Like a...

02:06:26.000 Like a comic.

02:06:27.000 Like a real comic.

02:06:29.000 Right.

02:06:29.000 Who has done stand-up for a long time.

02:06:31.000 Uh-huh.

02:06:31.000 Who goes back to what the...

02:06:33.000 You know, I think it's the late show, not the Tonight Show.

02:06:35.000 But what was so great?

02:06:36.000 Having comics on.

02:06:38.000 Yeah.

02:06:38.000 You know, there's sketches.

02:06:39.000 For sure it could be done.

02:06:40.000 You have Kyle Dunn again.

02:06:41.000 You have Shane Gillis doing sketches.

02:06:42.000 You have Tim Dillon being a correspondent.

02:06:44.000 You know, you have all of our...

02:06:45.000 Is there ever a version where there's going to be a late night show that works given what's going on in this huge...

02:06:52.000 Yes, but it would have to be on the internet.

02:06:55.000 Yes.

02:06:55.000 The problem with those networks is they're captured.

02:06:59.000 Those people are so woke and so confused and they're so scared.

02:07:02.000 And if something goes bad, they get fired.

02:07:04.000 And if something goes well, they don't get credit for it.

02:07:07.000 It's like, if you're a host of a show like that, it's kind of on you. 1.00

02:07:12.000 And all those people, like if you do something crazy, if Tim Dillon does Meghan McCain, like telling her daddy to fuck her tits... 1.00

02:07:21.000 You know, and if I'm the host of that show, I am 100% getting fired. 1.00

02:07:25.000 And then the network executive who greenlit is probably also getting fired.

02:07:29.000 Which is also crazy because it's like their whole thing would be, well, the sponsors are going to get mad at us.

02:07:34.000 And you're like, well, podcast, you have sponsors?

02:07:36.000 Yeah, I got a lot of sponsors.

02:07:38.000 You know what I'm saying?

02:07:39.000 Sponsors like you because of numbers, not because of...

02:07:41.000 Right.

02:07:42.000 Well, it's also they have a different sort of sensibility.

02:07:45.000 They recognize that a lot of the people that are sponsors are also fans.

02:07:49.000 It's like they actually enjoy the show.

02:07:51.000 I get a lot of sponsors that are people that listen to the podcast.

02:07:55.000 A few of the times that I've been canceled, they'll come after the sponsors. 1.00

02:07:59.000 The sponsor's like, fuck you. 1.00

02:08:01.000 We like that show. 1.00

02:08:02.000 I make this argument about you whenever this comes up, which is like, if you just listen to Joe, you'll like him.

02:08:08.000 I don't know if that's necessarily true.

02:08:10.000 I just mean, like, here's what's interesting to me.

02:08:12.000 It's like, you know, podcasting, this is, you know, you've been doing it, you know, the longest.

02:08:16.000 I know Tom Green and, you know, there are people who are doing, you know, but I feel like it is on us as human beings now that when you consume something, you consider the date it was made.

02:08:27.000 Yeah.

02:08:27.000 When we eat something, right, before you drink milk, you're going to look at the expiration date.

02:08:31.000 Before you drink wine, you're going to look at the date.

02:08:33.000 Like, if you're just going to pull a podcast that you did at the beginning of the pandemic and listen to it now, you change your mind 50 times after that.

02:08:40.000 You know what I mean?

02:08:40.000 It was like, it's to not know the context when a three-hour conversation was had.

02:08:45.000 Like, you really have to know when something was recorded.

02:08:48.000 Well, the difference between a podcast and almost anything else is that, at least the way I do it, I don't have any difference in the way I talk to people on the podcast versus the way I talk to them in real life.

02:09:00.000 That's true.

02:09:00.000 If you know me here, you and I have had a million conversations out of here.

02:09:04.000 I'm the same human.

02:09:07.000 This is how I am all the time.

02:09:08.000 This is how I am when I talk to my neighbor.

02:09:10.000 This is how I am when I talk to friends.

02:09:12.000 If I think something's funny, I laugh.

02:09:15.000 More like quiet reserved with like older people or people that are more sensitive but this is who I am and so what I'm doing is having like public conversations Like, while I'm thinking in real time, out in front of the whole world.

02:09:33.000 That's not possible on network television.

02:09:36.000 They're not going to tolerate that.

02:09:38.000 They're scared of it.

02:09:39.000 And that's why they push back so hard when it becomes successful. 0.99

02:09:43.000 That's why they don't know what the fuck to do. 0.96

02:09:44.000 Like, they're so confused. 0.97

02:09:46.000 It's because, like, this thing that you're not supposed to do has become so much more successful than the thing that you're supposed to do that they do.

02:09:52.000 Right.

02:09:53.000 And, wait a second, we conned everyone into believing that you needed 200 people to make content.

02:09:58.000 Right.

02:09:58.000 You know what I mean?

02:09:59.000 That you were making 30 grand an episode and we were all making millions.

02:10:03.000 Yeah.

02:10:04.000 You know, if we just let you do this, if the talented person makes all the money, then we don't exist.

02:10:09.000 We don't have a job.

02:10:10.000 We don't exist.

02:10:10.000 We don't have a job.

02:10:11.000 Yeah, there was always this weird sort of gatekeeper thing, like very similar to what we're talking about with like Hollywood starlets, where if you wanted to get onto a network, if you wanted to get onto a television show, you had to kiss the ring, you had to go to the parties, you had to support the right political party,

02:10:28.000 you had to have the same political ideology as everybody else.

02:10:34.000 That microphone is driving me crazy. 1.00

02:10:36.000 Do me a favor and tighten that bitch down. 1.00

02:10:39.000 Look at my fingers. 1.00

02:10:40.000 This thing here, right here, right there.

02:10:43.000 Tighten that down. 0.99

02:10:43.000 That thing is wobbly as fuck. 0.99

02:10:45.000 Ari's balls. 1.00

02:10:46.000 Yeah, he probably... 1.00

02:10:47.000 Is that better?

02:10:48.000 Yeah, much better.

02:10:50.000 Agree.

02:10:51.000 And it's interesting because now people are like, well, this person didn't...

02:10:54.000 They didn't hire a wheelchair person to play a wheelchair person and all that.

02:10:57.000 Whatever.

02:10:58.000 I'm not even...

02:10:58.000 Yeah, I don't mean...

02:10:58.000 It's more like...

02:10:59.000 I'm like, dude, when I was auditioning to be on TV shows, agents would call me and go, you're not getting this job. 1.00

02:11:04.000 The head of the network doesn't want to fuck you. 1.00

02:11:07.000 Really? 1.00

02:11:07.000 That was a... 1.00

02:11:08.000 Doesn't think you have sex appeal.

02:11:10.000 They really said that?

02:11:11.000 Oh, all the time.

02:11:12.000 It was literally, you're not pretty enough, you're too pretty, you know, you have to, can you lose some weight?

02:11:16.000 I mean, the stuff that I, which is, by the way, I didn't complain about it at the time.

02:11:20.000 I was like, well, this is business.

02:11:21.000 This is how it goes.

02:11:22.000 Like, I never expected anything more.

02:11:24.000 I never, you know, I was like, yeah, I'm in this shallow, crazy business.

02:11:26.000 And if this is how decisions are made, like, who am I to like, do I want the job or not? 1.00

02:11:31.000 Wear the fucking push-up bra, bitch. 1.00

02:11:33.000 Imagine like you're in a movie. 1.00

02:11:35.000 You have to audition for a movie.

02:11:37.000 And in that movie, you have to be like in your underwear.

02:11:39.000 So you have to go into this office and they're going to ask you to get into your underwear.

02:11:44.000 Yeah.

02:11:44.000 Which is just what they do, right?

02:11:46.000 They want to know what you look like right now.

02:11:47.000 Yeah.

02:11:48.000 Yes, it used to definitely be like that.

02:11:51.000 How would they do it any differently?

02:11:52.000 But now everyone is so scared of people suing them.

02:11:56.000 So I did the Foo Fighters movie.

02:11:58.000 It's a horror movie.

02:11:59.000 And there's a sex scene.

02:12:01.000 And everyone was like, you can wear your bra if you want.

02:12:03.000 And if you want to wear underwear.

02:12:04.000 And I was like, then it's not a sex scene.

02:12:06.000 That would be weird.

02:12:08.000 I'm not going to sue you.

02:12:09.000 I promise I won't sue you.

02:12:12.000 Let's not be so worried about me that we don't actually make this a funny scene.

02:12:17.000 You know? 0.98

02:12:17.000 Because the drummer was having sex with me and I get sawed in half. 0.98

02:12:21.000 It's pretty amazing. 0.98

02:12:22.000 What is this movie?

02:12:24.000 It's called Studio 666. The Foo Fighters did a horror movie.

02:12:27.000 Really?

02:12:28.000 Where Dave Grohl gets possessed by a devil and kills the whole band.

02:12:33.000 Wow.

02:12:34.000 It's pretty awesome.

02:12:35.000 When does it come out?

02:12:36.000 It came out.

02:12:37.000 It's already out?

02:12:37.000 It was like right...

02:12:39.000 We were shooting...

02:12:41.000 I wonder if you can pull up the scene where I get sawed in half.

02:12:46.000 There you go.

02:12:47.000 There she is.

02:12:49.000 Is it a good movie?

02:12:51.000 Yeah.

02:12:51.000 Dude, it is so fun to watch.

02:12:58.000 It's called Everlong, and you wrote it about 20 years ago.

02:13:02.000 Rest in peace, Taylor.

02:13:04.000 How you feeling?

02:13:05.000 Everything okay?

02:13:06.000 Ever since we moved into this house, my mind is flooded.

02:13:11.000 We all have writer's block.

02:13:13.000 This is not just a creepy rock and roll house.

02:13:16.000 It allows spiritual entities to cross into our world.

02:13:24.000 Oh my God!

02:13:28.000 Dude has got one flu over the cuckoo's nest.

02:13:31.000 It's like a send up to classic horror movies.

02:13:47.000 Found a new musical note?

02:13:48.000 Hell yes, I did.

02:13:49.000 It's an owl.

02:13:52.000 Any chefs in the group?

02:13:53.000 I'm pretty handy on the grill.

02:13:55.000 Yeah, you like your meat charred and dry.

02:14:00.000 He does make a killer barbecue.

02:14:04.000 What do we do? 1.00

02:14:08.000 We go save his ass. 1.00

02:14:09.000 Do you watch this after you watch Willow? 1.00

02:14:11.000 No.

02:14:14.000 You wouldn't even go to Top Gun!

02:14:18.000 What do you mean I wouldn't go?

02:14:19.000 I couldn't go.

02:14:20.000 I had a show last night.

02:14:20.000 Oh, that's right.

02:14:21.000 That's right.

02:14:21.000 With Theo.

02:14:22.000 That's right.

02:14:22.000 Theo was in town.

02:14:23.000 They tried to get me to go.

02:14:24.000 I would have gone.

02:14:25.000 I think, though, I feel like...

02:14:28.000 Yeah, I think you'd enjoy it.

02:14:30.000 I think you'd enjoy it.

02:14:31.000 I must say, I definitely...

02:14:33.000 It was the first time I was like, should I be on IMAX for this?

02:14:35.000 Would that be better?

02:14:36.000 I don't even...

02:14:37.000 It's supposed to be.

02:14:37.000 That's what everybody says.

02:14:38.000 You want to see it in a giant screen.

02:14:40.000 It gave me a reverence for the people that fly these planes, which I had before, but it just sort of is like the level of danger is just unfathomable.

02:14:51.000 It's unfathomable what they're doing, these fighter pilots.

02:14:54.000 Yeah, fighter pilots.

02:14:54.000 You're literally fighting other people that are also in jets, and you're shooting missiles at each other.

02:15:00.000 Is that not fucking mind-blowing? 1.00

02:15:01.000 It's a fucking mind-blower. 1.00

02:15:02.000 Did you hear about how the opening jet is computer generated? 1.00

02:15:08.000 And it's not real?

02:15:10.000 The first one, remember when Tom Cruise was trying to get...

02:15:12.000 Yeah, you can't go that fast.

02:15:13.000 He was trying to get to 10, right?

02:15:14.000 Yeah.

02:15:15.000 But that China started investigating it because they were worried we really had it.

02:15:19.000 10 G's is the thing.

02:15:21.000 He gets in a plane that goes 10 G's.

02:15:24.000 Where does most planes go?

02:15:28.000 I think no one has.

02:15:30.000 It depends on what you're doing, the maneuvers.

02:15:34.000 Because you can bank and you'll hit heavy G's.

02:15:38.000 It's not a matter of straight forward acceleration, but when banking, when they take heavy turns, that's when you hit big time G's.

02:15:47.000 And they actually show a lot of it in the movie about how when you turn, your lungs collapse so you actually can't breathe as well.

02:15:53.000 And a lot of it was like how you have to learn how to breathe and he's running on a treadmill with less oxygen.

02:15:57.000 I flew with the Blue Angels.

02:15:59.000 Yeah, I went up in a flight with the Blue Angels.

02:16:02.000 We went seven and a half Gs.

02:16:04.000 It's wild.

02:16:05.000 The feeling's wild.

02:16:05.000 I had a bit about it in the early days.

02:16:08.000 It's like when you're flying and you're in a jet, you're going so fast that your brain, all the blood is squeezing out of your brain.

02:16:18.000 So you have to do this thing called hooking, where you hold on to a fucking post, the joystick, and you gotta go like this. 0.96

02:16:29.000 And you're forcing blood into your head to try to stay awake. 0.99

02:16:33.000 Jesus, man.

02:16:34.000 Yeah, and while I was doing this, I was doing this with a pilot.

02:16:36.000 The pilot's in front, and I'm behind him, and I hear him doing it.

02:16:40.000 And I'm like, oh my god, he's fucking blacking out.

02:16:43.000 So everything is getting narrower and narrower, and you're fighting it off by doing this hooking thing. 0.98

02:16:49.000 Like, hoot, hoot, hoot!

02:16:50.000 Like, that's what you're doing.

02:16:51.000 That's wild, dude. 1.00

02:16:52.000 That shit scares me. 1.00

02:16:53.000 I like scuba diving. 1.00

02:16:56.000 I don't think I'm cut out for it, but I enjoy how you're breathing is how you descend.

02:17:04.000 You really have to be in control of your breath.

02:17:06.000 It's all breathing, that's how you go.

02:17:08.000 And if you're doing short breaths, so it's a way to really be conscious of your breath.

02:17:12.000 But I remember being like, oh god, I just...

02:17:16.000 We're good to go.

02:17:36.000 But the guy, the pilot that I was with, he's gone to nine Gs.

02:17:40.000 He can tolerate nine Gs, which is nine times your body weight.

02:17:44.000 They're all jacked, too.

02:17:45.000 That's what's interesting.

02:17:46.000 All those pilots are like these...

02:17:48.000 I think they're all under six feet tall, and they're all super stocky, because you have to have muscle to...

02:17:54.000 Yeah, it's like being in a race car.

02:17:56.000 I had no idea that when you're racing cars, you also have to be in crazy shape.

02:17:59.000 It wasn't 10 Gs, it was Mach 10. It was 10 times the speed of sound, so that's why it's a little bit of a stretch.

02:18:04.000 That makes sense.

02:18:05.000 That makes sense.

02:18:06.000 Now, they do have jets now that are hypersonic, but Mach 10, what is like the fastest hypersonic jet that they have?

02:18:16.000 Have you ever seen the videos of when they break the sound?

02:18:19.000 Six times, I think.

02:18:19.000 Six times?

02:18:20.000 Mach 6. You ever seen when they break the speed of sound?

02:18:22.000 What happens?

02:18:23.000 It's like it's going through clouds.

02:18:24.000 It's a wild thing.

02:18:25.000 It's visual.

02:18:26.000 You could see as a jet is going through the speed of sound, like you actually, it's like there's a break in the air.

02:18:35.000 Did, um...

02:18:36.000 From like the sonic...

02:18:38.000 Elan, Elan.

02:18:39.000 See, look at that.

02:18:40.000 Whoa! 0.71

02:18:42.000 Yeah, that's what it looks like when a jet goes faster than the speed of sound. 0.99

02:18:47.000 Dude, that's fucking crazy. 0.99

02:18:49.000 Crazy. 1.00

02:18:50.000 Did Elon and Bezos, when they went up, did they break the speed of sound?

02:18:54.000 Well, Bezos went up.

02:18:56.000 Elon doesn't go up.

02:18:57.000 Oh, I don't...

02:18:58.000 Because Elon's smart enough to just make rockets.

02:19:01.000 Right, right, right, right.

02:19:02.000 Stay down.

02:19:03.000 I know you love the Neuralink thing.

02:19:05.000 I know you have thought about quite a bit.

02:19:07.000 Would you do it if it was available tomorrow?

02:19:09.000 I think you have to do it once it gets implemented or you're in trouble.

02:19:14.000 The problem is it's like not being on the internet today.

02:19:19.000 If you're not on the internet at all today.

02:19:21.000 Which is the smartest person in the room.

02:19:23.000 Well, that Heinmo in the Arctic Adventure, as long as he's in Alaska, he doesn't have to be on the internet.

02:19:28.000 He's not getting canceled anytime.

02:19:29.000 He doesn't have this photo of a Halloween costume floating around.

02:19:33.000 But if you're living in a world where everyone's brain is connected to this neural link, and this neural link has changed the amount of the bandwidth, your access to information is completely different than it would be at any other time.

02:19:49.000 I know he's your friend, but my brain always wants to go to the joke version of Neuralink, and I can't help but think that he has to invent things to solve his own problems.

02:20:02.000 And he's so busy and has so many women to have kids with or something that he had to solve the problem of a girl going, what are you thinking about?

02:20:13.000 And he was like, we need to start a company to solve that.

02:20:17.000 Right.

02:20:18.000 So I never have to tell anyone what I'm thinking about.

02:20:21.000 That's funny.

02:20:21.000 Because this is a guy's most annoying thing.

02:20:23.000 It's like, so what are you thinking about?

02:20:24.000 That's funny.

02:20:25.000 But I also worry that, like, I feel like my first thought about anything is awful.

02:20:30.000 Like, our first thought is gonna be either a fight-or-flight reaction, some conditioned thing, some, you know, it's like...

02:20:37.000 Your first thought with that thing?

02:20:38.000 And then my second one, like, this is gonna...

02:20:40.000 It is what it is.

02:20:42.000 Like...

02:20:43.000 I remember I was on a plane once, and a female pilot walked on, and I was like, uh-oh.

02:20:47.000 Like, that was my first reaction!

02:20:49.000 Because you don't see it a lot.

02:20:51.000 I'm obviously not anti-female.

02:20:53.000 Like, obviously that's a good thing, but my brain was like, uh-oh.

02:20:56.000 And then you go, wait, no, she probably had to work twice as hard to get half as far. 1.00

02:20:59.000 You know, like, we're good.

02:21:01.000 But my immediate reaction, maybe it's because I'm a comedian, maybe it's whatever.

02:21:05.000 Some internalized sexism, but I don't want anyone to see my first thought about their baby before I say, like, so cute.

02:21:15.000 I'm sure that is what it is, that you're a comedian.

02:21:19.000 I'm sure that's the uh-oh.

02:21:21.000 Oh, really?

02:21:22.000 Yeah.

02:21:22.000 Yeah, it's like normal.

02:21:24.000 Yeah.

02:21:24.000 Okay.

02:21:24.000 But won't it just...

02:21:25.000 I'm sorry to be dumb, but won't it just be like, he's hot, he's hot, she's hot, she's hot? 0.92

02:21:30.000 Yeah, that's going to happen too, but that's going to happen with everybody. 0.93

02:21:33.000 I don't think that's bad.

02:21:34.000 I think we're just going to understand that that's how people think.

02:21:36.000 But if I'm mad at my spouse, and I'm kind of like, I'm going to choose my battles, whatever, and if I'm just like, yeah, good.

02:21:44.000 No, they're going to know now.

02:21:46.000 Yeah.

02:21:47.000 Yeah.

02:21:47.000 I just feel like we've really managed to stay above water as a species with a delicate balance of lies and omissions.

02:21:55.000 Well, I think we'll have a better understanding of what is really going on in people's heads.

02:22:00.000 Some people are going to be able to handle it.

02:22:02.000 Some people aren't.

02:22:04.000 And that's really what it's going to be like.

02:22:06.000 It's going to separate a lot of people.

02:22:08.000 It's going to give people an understanding of how other people really truly feel about them.

02:22:15.000 And you're going to be able to communicate according to Elon without words.

02:22:18.000 But I also worry that a lot of our feelings are completely invalid.

02:22:23.000 And, you know, feelings aren't facts, whatever.

02:22:25.000 Like, if you just move through something, I think that's one of the biggest problems today.

02:22:28.000 Someone has a feeling and they say it's a fact.

02:22:30.000 I'm uncomfortable.

02:22:31.000 I'm upset.

02:22:32.000 Which is, everyone needs to get in line.

02:22:34.000 It's like, no, this is a feeling.

02:22:36.000 You need to tolerate the discomfort and then take an appropriate action when the feeling has worn off, you know? 0.99

02:22:41.000 So I just worry that, like, you know, I... Like, when you're in a relationship, some days you're like, I fucking hate you, dude. 0.99

02:22:47.000 I fucking... 1.00

02:22:48.000 Fucking hate you and then the next day. 1.00

02:22:50.000 I'm like, I love you I was just in a crazy had I like put that on record and Made it any more permanent like oh, that was just me. 0.99

02:22:56.000 I was hungry I was right, but maybe part of the problem is that the communication between two people is so crude Because it's just words and people manipulate those words try to give an impression of the person that's not accurate Yeah, you know,

02:23:11.000 there's there's a lot going on with human communication that would be solved if we could read minds and There's an incredible book that I actually wrote a script with him to do the TV show called Super Sad True Love Story.

02:23:22.000 It's by Gary Steingart, dystopian satire.

02:23:25.000 He's kind of like Mike Judge, but a writer.

02:23:29.000 He did Little Failure, Russian debutante's handbook.

02:23:32.000 He's so brilliant.

02:23:32.000 And he wrote this book 10 years ago.

02:23:34.000 It takes place roughly 40, 50 years from now.

02:23:37.000 And it's about, is it possible to fall in love with someone if you already know everything about them?

02:23:43.000 I.e., you meet someone, you already know their genetic weaknesses, what they're predisposed to get.

02:23:52.000 This person is predisposed to get cancer and this and this.

02:23:54.000 Do I really want to appropriate with this person if they have all these genetic issues?

02:23:58.000 You know their credit score, which by then will be a social credit score, will be like, how much do people just like you?

02:24:04.000 And China has bought America in this version of the dystopian satire. 0.90

02:24:08.000 It's got your blood pressure.

02:24:10.000 It's got all your health stats on something called an apparat is how it's pronounced.

02:24:15.000 Like, can you ever truly fall in love with someone if you're not able to have a little bit of cognitive dissonance?

02:24:22.000 You know?

02:24:23.000 Right. 1.00

02:24:24.000 If you know that they have all these predisposed genetic conditions that could fuck your kid up, why would you stay with them? 0.99

02:24:31.000 Yeah. 0.97

02:24:31.000 Or just sort of like, that's the kind of thing where, tell me in six months when I'm already in love with you. 0.97

02:24:36.000 And then it's like...

02:24:36.000 Maybe, isn't that like a kind of like a eugenics, right?

02:24:39.000 Kind of.

02:24:40.000 It'll sort of encourage eugenics in a way because those people, people are not going to want to breed with them because it's going to be all transparent. 0.99

02:24:46.000 Yeah.

02:24:46.000 But like in, you know, in 30 years, like when you meet someone, will you be able to Google them and look at every text they've ever sent or look at every photo they've ever taken?

02:24:54.000 And will, you know, all of us see all of their medical records?

02:24:57.000 You know, it could get to that.

02:25:00.000 It could get to that.

02:25:01.000 It could get to that.

02:25:02.000 It probably will.

02:25:03.000 I mean, what you're looking at, right, is all like bottlenecks for information.

02:25:07.000 And if something happens where they do create a neural link and there's no bottleneck anymore, the amount of information that's out there is accessible to everybody at all times, at any time.

02:25:20.000 There's nothing like, I gotta Google it.

02:25:22.000 It's there, instantaneously.

02:25:24.000 It's gonna change the world in as profound a way as the internet changed the world.

02:25:32.000 And in a weird way, maybe the saving grace is also, concurrently, we're having more and more distrust of photos and videos because of all the deepfaking and photoshopping.

02:25:42.000 So at least you're able to be like, oh, well, that's fake.

02:25:44.000 Yeah.

02:25:45.000 You know, at least people will question it.

02:25:47.000 Even when it's real, you might think it's fake.

02:25:49.000 But no, because you're going to be able to read minds.

02:25:51.000 There's not going to be any questioning whether or not someone really thinks someone.

02:25:55.000 Something, rather.

02:25:56.000 So when you're in the mind reading, Will you be able to lie to yourself and it come up as what I'm actually thinking?

02:26:03.000 I think you'll be able to see if someone's lying to themselves.

02:26:16.000 So, I guess maybe because my brain and our friends' brains are so cluttered that it's just like so many thoughts at once.

02:26:24.000 Right. 0.67

02:26:25.000 Well, I think you're going to get to a point where the technology emerges and then we're going to be able to see what people are thinking and And then as time goes on, you're going to be able to see whether or not someone's thinking something that's valid or whether or not they've thought this through or whether or not they're childish and foolish, 0.78

02:26:46.000 whether or not they're selfish, whether they're charlatans, whether or not they're con men. 0.97

02:26:50.000 I mean, how many women are getting duped out of millions of dollars by assholes that that'll never happen in the future? 1.00

02:26:56.000 Because a woman will meet a guy and she'll go, oh, that's a fake Rolex. 1.00

02:26:59.000 Oh, you're a fucking fraud. 1.00

02:27:01.000 You're a con man. 1.00

02:27:02.000 Oh, look at that. 0.99

02:27:02.000 So con man will be gone. 0.99

02:27:04.000 So that's the one thing, like, I don't know what they're gonna do, those scammers online, the Nigerian scammers. 1.00

02:27:11.000 There'll be no good documentaries left.

02:27:11.000 Yeah, Tinder Swindler was a very good one.

02:27:14.000 Yeah, those kind of people are gonna be gone, right?

02:27:16.000 Because everyone's gonna have Neuralink, or you won't have Neuralink, and you'll get duped, and then you'll have to get it. 0.99

02:27:22.000 And then your kid's gonna be telling you, Mom, fucking get it. 0.99

02:27:25.000 Just take it. 1.00

02:27:26.000 Take the Neuralink.

02:27:27.000 So what happens as a parent?

02:27:30.000 I'm sure there'll be an age where neural link is allowed, you know, but if you see something, you know, not so salubrious that your child is thinking, like, you know, I'm going to beat up some kid or like, do you intervene like that to know everything your kid is thinking before they're fully formed as adults yet? 1.00

02:27:48.000 Well, who knows how many conflicts will be resolved just based on two people being able to understand exactly what the other person's thinking instead of having this like, well, fuck you, fuck you. 0.99

02:27:59.000 Maybe people will be able to communicate in a way where you can resolve conflicts before they ever happen. 0.99

02:28:06.000 Which is honestly, to me, as I mature as an adult, it's like I do feel like more and more every day I realize that so much is not about what you're saying but how you're saying it.

02:28:15.000 Yeah, that's a lot of it and whether or not the person you're talking to thinks that you're considering their feelings, whether or not you've expressed yourself in a way that they know that you care about them, or whether or not you're just blurting things out because it's self-serving and then you don't care about the other person's feelings.

02:28:35.000 Like when you're in a relationship or any kind of a friendship and someone doesn't give a fuck how you feel about things, That sets the tone for all of your interactions from then on forward. 0.90

02:28:45.000 Because you're always going to know this person, this is like a shallow kind of shitty person who doesn't genuinely care about me. 0.98

02:28:52.000 Yes. 1.00

02:28:53.000 You know, those are bad relationships, like snide comments, little backhanded remarks, like that kind of shit. 1.00

02:29:01.000 Toxic. 1.00

02:29:01.000 So toxic. 1.00

02:29:02.000 Yeah, and it is odd because I guess maybe I'm using this as a way to anesthetize as we look at people's behavior right now and to feel better about it.

02:29:11.000 But I also think people lie to themselves.

02:29:13.000 I think denial, this is something I want to ask Huberman about.

02:29:16.000 Like, what is denial?

02:29:18.000 Because I see people that are in denial.

02:29:21.000 And I'm like, is this ego?

02:29:22.000 Is it a conscious choice?

02:29:24.000 Like, do you know that you're lying to yourself?

02:29:27.000 Is this a mental illness?

02:29:28.000 We haven't figured out how to, you know, wrangle.

02:29:30.000 But you know when people are just so delusional about the reality around them?

02:29:34.000 And I'm like, I think the number of lies you tell yourself to get up in the morning is like the litany of lies you have to tell yourself to get through the day.

02:29:41.000 Really?

02:29:41.000 Like denial.

02:29:42.000 Like, what kind of lies?

02:29:43.000 Like, you know, this is where I think I've read the most about it, is when a parent, when a child has had any kind of abuse within the family, and a parent knows about it, but can't deal, like can't acknowledge that it happened, because it would just be too upset,

02:29:59.000 angering to them, and so they're just like in denial about it.

02:30:02.000 You know, like, I feel like we're in a little bit of a denial about the Catholic Church thing, because it's just...

02:30:07.000 Oh, yeah.

02:30:08.000 People still go to church, like...

02:30:09.000 That's kind of crazy.

02:30:10.000 I was just in Italy.

02:30:13.000 Right.

02:30:14.000 And when you're in Italy and you go to the Vatican...

02:30:17.000 They send them over there from here.

02:30:19.000 Did you know that the age of consent used to be 12?

02:30:23.000 At the Vatican?

02:30:24.000 Okay.

02:30:24.000 Yeah.

02:30:25.000 The Vatican's its own country.

02:30:26.000 Who pulled that up the other day?

02:30:29.000 Who let us know?

02:30:31.000 Trigonometry podcast.

02:30:32.000 Oh, yeah.

02:30:32.000 Okay.

02:30:33.000 I guess we had child labor back then.

02:30:34.000 I guess kids were kind of thought of as adults.

02:30:36.000 No, no, no.

02:30:36.000 Consent.

02:30:36.000 Sexual consent.

02:30:37.000 12. They just recently changed it from 12 to 18 in Vatican City.

02:30:42.000 I mean, it's literally a country inside of a city.

02:30:46.000 It's only 100 acres.

02:30:47.000 And the law does not apply outside at all.

02:30:50.000 No extradition. 0.94

02:30:51.000 And it's filled with pedophiles. 0.82

02:30:53.000 And in—I was trying to write a joke about this. 0.92

02:30:55.000 I never could really—it made people too uncomfortable or something.

02:30:58.000 I think I could crack it maybe for the next hour, but it was when a priest here molests a child, they just send him over to the Vatican to live there, and he's protected forever.

02:31:08.000 And, like, I don't want to molest a kid, but, like, if I get a free trip to Italy, like, it feels kind of like an incentive.

02:31:16.000 They're like, if you molest one kid, you get to live in Italy forever. 0.92

02:31:19.000 Well, you have to live inside the Vatican and never leave.

02:31:23.000 Ratzinger, the last pope, he can't leave the Vatican.

02:31:27.000 That guy was wanted for crimes against humanity.

02:31:30.000 Make sure that's correct.

02:31:31.000 There was something about what he had done.

02:31:34.000 One of the things that Ratzinger had done, he was in charge of taking people that had molested kids and moving them.

02:31:41.000 So instead of having them arrested and turning them in, he moved this one guy to a place where he went on to molest 100 deaf kids.

02:31:51.000 Yeah.

02:31:52.000 That was the Pope.

02:31:54.000 You know?

02:31:55.000 Can't.

02:31:56.000 Yeah.

02:31:57.000 And so this new Pope Francis is supposed to be like more progressive and, you know, he's like sort of more of a Pope in the modern sense.

02:32:06.000 Did you see the Under the Banner of Heaven, the Mormon documentary?

02:32:10.000 No.

02:32:11.000 I think it is so wild that this is going to get me a dart in the neck or something.

02:32:16.000 There's so much fear around the Mormon church.

02:32:18.000 Like watching it, it's Right now, these men are marrying 15-year-old girls.

02:32:24.000 Right now?

02:32:26.000 Tell me if I'm wrong, allegedly.

02:32:28.000 But we've got to get to the Ratzinger thing first.

02:32:30.000 Oh, good night, sorry.

02:32:32.000 But when they have Friday night events where the girls will be in their dresses and they sing a song, it's called Be Sweet.

02:32:40.000 They go, be sweet, be sweet.

02:32:44.000 It's just so dark.

02:32:46.000 And they're 15 years old?

02:32:48.000 They're literally, I mean, sometimes younger.

02:32:49.000 And dads, like, willingly give their kids, like, their girl.

02:32:53.000 It's psychotic.

02:32:54.000 Like, I don't understand why we're not all just storming Salt Lake City and getting these girls out.

02:32:59.000 It's shocking to me.

02:33:00.000 That's all happening now?

02:33:03.000 What'd you find out about Ratzinger?

02:33:05.000 He was the first pope to resign since, like, the 1400s.

02:33:10.000 Yeah.

02:33:11.000 Before death.

02:33:12.000 Prior to 2001, the primary responsibility for investigating allegations of sexual abuse and disciplining the perpetrators rested with individual diocese.

02:33:22.000 In 2001, Ratzinger convinced John Paul II to put the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith in charge of all sexual abuse allegations.

02:33:34.000 According to John L. Allen, Ratzinger in the following years acquired familiarity with the contours of the problem that virtually no other figure in the Catholic Church can claim.

02:33:45.000 Driven by that encounter with what he would later refer to as filth in the Church, Ratzinger seems to have undergone something of a conversion experience throughout 2003-2004.

02:33:58.000 From that point forward, He and his staff seem to be driven by a convert zeal to clean up the mess. 0.93

02:34:06.000 What does that mean?

02:34:07.000 It just goes on to talk about...

02:34:09.000 All those different issues?

02:34:10.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:34:10.000 The problem with this is, like, you don't know who fucking wrote this. 0.99

02:34:13.000 It's also like, what are we doing? 0.97

02:34:15.000 Cardinal, Pope...

02:34:16.000 This is Wikipedia.

02:34:17.000 What are we doing?

02:34:18.000 Well, they're all creeps.

02:34:19.000 Why do you have names?

02:34:20.000 Like, you're LARPing in medieval times.

02:34:24.000 Well, the problem is, it's got this ancient sort of tradition connected to it.

02:34:30.000 So nothing goes on in your head when you're putting on that hat.

02:34:32.000 You're not like, do I still need Right.

02:34:36.000 Dressing like a superhero.

02:34:37.000 Did you have much religion growing up at all?

02:34:40.000 Yeah, for a little bit when I was young.

02:34:43.000 I went to Catholic school for first grade.

02:34:45.000 I look back at that, and I'm not trying to make a big statement about it, but I look back and I'm like, yeah, I went to Catholic school when I was younger, and there's something weird about realizing that you're kind of part of a sexy idea without knowing.

02:35:00.000 Like, Catholic schoolgirl, that's such a thing. 1.00

02:35:02.000 Oh, yeah.

02:35:03.000 And before you even realize it, you're just like, you know, we'd always roll our skirts up and walk, and you're like, oh, I didn't even realize I was probably so looked at sexually before I even understood what it meant.

02:35:13.000 Well, there was a narrative when I was in high school that girls that went to Catholic school were hornier. 0.98

02:35:17.000 Taking the butt. 0.98

02:35:18.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:35:19.000 Well, really?

02:35:19.000 Well, so you don't...

02:35:20.000 It's not technically sex.

02:35:21.000 Oh.

02:35:22.000 That was after my time.

02:35:23.000 Oh.

02:35:23.000 But, uh...

02:35:24.000 The glory days.

02:35:25.000 Yeah. 0.92

02:35:26.000 During my high school time, girls didn't shave, so the butt was like chaos. 1.00

02:35:32.000 What?

02:35:33.000 They didn't trim their bush.

02:35:35.000 There was madness down there.

02:35:37.000 Oh, right. 1.00

02:35:37.000 Nobody wanted to stick it in your butt. 1.00

02:35:39.000 Your butt was a mess. 1.00

02:35:47.000 You know, like porn changed everything. 0.99

02:35:49.000 Okay, I lasered everything when I was like 24, so I'm not even sure what it would look like.

02:35:54.000 I don't have any concept of what now.

02:35:55.000 Oh, you torched it forever?

02:35:57.000 Oh, yeah.

02:35:57.000 It doesn't grow back?

02:35:58.000 I'm freezing.

02:36:02.000 Do you see me?

02:36:02.000 I keep sliding off the chair.

02:36:04.000 Porn doesn't grow back?

02:36:06.000 I did it at a time when they just took a blowtorch.

02:36:11.000 I mean, it was before the now kind of thing.

02:36:13.000 Did it scar you?

02:36:13.000 No, it's just I still have a couple little smithers hairs that'll come out.

02:36:18.000 Oh, like a tree after a forest gets burnt down, a little sprout grows up?

02:36:24.000 It'll just be, like, one long one that I'll have to get.

02:36:27.000 But, yeah, I did, like, seven sessions over, like, two years.

02:36:31.000 Jesus.

02:36:32.000 And I remember I was at the All Ball Tour once, and Sarah Silverman, I was, like, changing in front of her, and she was like, Jesus! 0.99

02:36:38.000 Like, she was just like, God damn! 0.98

02:36:39.000 And she was like, as you get older, you're going to wish you had not done that. 0.99

02:36:44.000 Why was she saying that?

02:36:45.000 Just as things start to kind of change, she's like, you're going to wish that...

02:36:49.000 You're going to wish you had hair?

02:36:50.000 You're not going to want that to be bald forever.

02:36:52.000 So...

02:36:53.000 I don't know why that would matter.

02:36:54.000 Well, just, I would imagine things can, I don't know.

02:36:56.000 What were you just showing us?

02:36:58.000 Oh, okay.

02:37:00.000 Utah lawmaker wants to raise legal marriage age to 18. Oh, what's it now?

02:37:09.000 Okay, there have been thousands of underage marriages in the U.S. since the year 2000, and until recently, more than half of the states didn't set a limit on how young someone could get married if they met criteria like parental approval.

02:37:23.000 But isn't if you're in the Mormon church...

02:37:26.000 Does it say what age it is, though?

02:37:29.000 I think it was the thing I had before, maybe it was like 15. Oh, God.

02:37:34.000 Can you look up...

02:37:35.000 I was 15 with parents in the court, and then 16 to 17-year-olds...

02:37:39.000 So that's the thing.

02:37:40.000 Can marry with parental permission.

02:37:41.000 Yeah, so under Utah law, people as young as 15 can marry with permission from their parents in the court.

02:37:48.000 But here's the thing.

02:37:49.000 Can a 15-year-old marry a 15-year-old? 0.85

02:37:52.000 Or can a 15-year-old marry a 40-year-old?

02:37:54.000 No, they're like 60 years old and they already have like five or six wives.

02:37:59.000 These are the Mormons that practice polygamy. 0.98

02:38:01.000 I know a lot of Mormons.

02:38:02.000 But these are the ones that get in trouble, right?

02:38:04.000 Because you're not allowed to have polygamy in the United States.

02:38:07.000 That's the whole reason why they have those Mormon cults in Mexico. 1.00

02:38:14.000 It's called Under the Banner of Heaven, let's make sure I'm getting it right, the documentary, because I know that was also a book, but I think something interesting happens when documentaries come out exposing these things now, we all talk about it and we watch it, but I sort of feel like we think because a documentary was made about it, it was like exposed and like,

02:38:29.000 oh, that was handled, right?

02:38:31.000 Yeah.

02:38:31.000 But like, I'm like, I'm still...

02:38:33.000 Do you know that's where Mitt Romney's family's from?

02:38:36.000 Yes.

02:38:36.000 They all moved to Mexico so they could have a bunch of wives.

02:38:41.000 Yeah, his dad was born in Mexico.

02:38:43.000 That's why his dad could never be president.

02:38:44.000 I think it's fine to have many wives as long as they're not 15. Right. 0.99

02:38:48.000 You know what I'm saying?

02:38:48.000 I guess.

02:38:49.000 Yeah, it's different.

02:38:50.000 Their dads give them to these older men and it's like a sign of like you move up like higher in the church.

02:38:57.000 So, Under the Banner of Heaven is a true crime tale adapted by Milk writer Dustin Lawrence Lance Black from John Krakauer's non-fiction tome.

02:39:10.000 The miniseries layers on some fictional elements to the story and has reignited criticism from members of The Church of Jesus Christ and Latter-day Saints for its portrayal of Mormons as violent and insular.

02:39:25.000 Can you look up Be Sweet?

02:39:27.000 Because that's the motto that they...

02:39:29.000 The song they sing?

02:39:30.000 They try to...

02:39:31.000 Yes.

02:39:34.000 And Be Sweet.

02:39:36.000 Yeah, that should be it.

02:39:37.000 Like a video.

02:39:37.000 I would look for a video of...

02:39:38.000 It's the girls singing and it's a Friday night.

02:39:41.000 All the guys are watching these...

02:39:42.000 And that's in that documentary?

02:39:43.000 Yes.

02:39:44.000 Sometimes it just takes seeing one thing to just be like, I can never get that out of my head.

02:39:49.000 Why don't you look into videos?

02:39:51.000 Well, it didn't seem like this isn't going the right way.

02:39:54.000 Oh, nice.

02:39:56.000 Oh, that is weird.

02:39:56.000 This isn't going to show it.

02:39:57.000 When they sing B, I would say B-Sweet Mormon. 1.00

02:40:02.000 Yeah, try that and look.

02:40:04.000 Okay.

02:40:05.000 Oh, I don't remember.

02:40:07.000 But it might not be called... 0.96

02:40:09.000 Can you imagine if you're like a fucking 35-year-old person and you're realizing that you wasted your life in a cult? 1.00

02:40:17.000 Dude, I... And then you're fucked. 1.00

02:40:19.000 And... 1.00

02:40:21.000 My wife has a friend like that. 1.00

02:40:23.000 Be sweet.

02:40:23.000 She was in the Mormons until she was in her 40s and then she left the Mormons and now she like openly admits that she's vulnerable to like cults and different things because she just was so accepting of stuff.

02:40:38.000 Keep sweet.

02:40:39.000 I'm sorry.

02:40:40.000 I got it wrong.

02:40:41.000 Oh, that's the guy.

02:40:44.000 That's the guy that got busted.

02:40:48.000 Known as FLDS. It's a far offshoot of the Mormon church and supports the practice of polygamy. 0.95

02:40:54.000 The more wives, the more children you have, the higher in heaven you'll be. 1.00

02:40:59.000 When you're taught something from birth, from your mother and your father, you believe them because they're your parents.

02:41:05.000 It was for our salvation.

02:41:06.000 You did whatever it took, even if it was wrong.

02:41:10.000 One day, my name was brought up and I was to be married.

02:41:15.000 I was 14. Warren Jeffs took over this religion and turned it into money and power and sex.

02:41:24.000 Young girls were like a commodity owned by the church. 1.00

02:41:28.000 Warren had himself 78 wives.

02:41:31.000 24 of those wives were underage.

02:41:34.000 We're gonna go after the criminals and we're gonna go after the child abusers.

02:41:37.000 To stand up against a multi-million dollar church, you're going up against a lifetime of conditioning and fear.

02:41:45.000 He took their families away, took their homes away. 0.99

02:41:48.000 Might as well have just lined them up against the wall and shot them. 0.99

02:41:51.000 You don't fight the priesthood. 1.00

02:41:52.000 You don't fight the prophet.

02:41:54.000 But it was so much bigger than just Warren and me.

02:41:58.000 It happens to everybody eventually.

02:42:01.000 You will come around and see the light.

02:42:06.000 We love you.

02:42:08.000 I love all of you. 0.98

02:42:10.000 And go, what the f***? 0.96

02:42:13.000 Sweet spirit. 0.98

02:42:17.000 Keep Sweet, Pray, and Obey.

02:42:19.000 And it's on Netflix.

02:42:20.000 So that's out now?

02:42:21.000 June 8th.

02:42:22.000 Yeah.

02:42:23.000 And you're watching the girls saying, Keep Sweet.

02:42:26.000 It's so wild.

02:42:28.000 Yeah, would they say you had 70 wide?

02:42:30.000 78, 24 underage. 1.00

02:42:35.000 What the fuck? 0.99

02:42:36.000 But it's also, it's like, there's something interesting. 0.99

02:42:39.000 Like, what would have to happen for that to stop?

02:42:41.000 Like, the documentary's not going to be enough.

02:42:43.000 It's just going to be more people know about it, and it's still just going to keep going on, I guess.

02:42:46.000 Well, didn't they?

02:42:47.000 They arrested that one guy.

02:42:48.000 He got arrested.

02:42:49.000 But the people keep practicing the same way?

02:42:52.000 But do you think in your mind you really believe that?

02:42:55.000 Or you're like, I just want to be able to marry young girls? 0.98

02:42:58.000 Or in your mind you're like, this is actually what God wants.

02:43:00.000 Like, are they that brainwashed or are they using that to just justify?

02:43:04.000 It's shocking to me that someone wouldn't be more self-aware.

02:43:06.000 Well, it's not written anywhere that God wants that.

02:43:08.000 It's not written anywhere that God wants you to have 70-something wives. 1.00

02:43:11.000 So these are people that are just using this to justify gross shit. 0.99

02:43:15.000 I think that just ultimately happens when someone's running a cult. 1.00

02:43:18.000 When you've got a bunch of people and they're living their lives based on you preaching at a pulpit and the way you're saying things and taking all their money and fucking their wives. 0.99

02:43:30.000 That's a big part of all cults is sex. 0.99

02:43:33.000 It's so anathema to, I think, comedian brains, because our thing is question everything.

02:43:37.000 Even something you subscribe to, you constantly should question.

02:43:40.000 If you're a Republican or Democrat, you should constantly be questioning your own party and the other party.

02:43:44.000 It's so weird to me to just be like, oh yeah, this guy's in power.

02:43:47.000 He must know what he's talking about.

02:43:49.000 There's so many people out there that don't want to question things.

02:43:53.000 They just want someone to sort of carve a path for them and guide them.

02:43:57.000 And if you think that it's because of God, which is like the perfect justification for you to follow some wacky stuff...

02:44:04.000 Isn't it like a drug, basically?

02:44:06.000 I mean, it's like an anesthesia.

02:44:09.000 It's a way to just sort of go unconscious, to go offline.

02:44:13.000 I was watching Hulu as a documentary on this cult leader.

02:44:17.000 Her name was Teal Swan.

02:44:19.000 I've heard that name before.

02:44:21.000 It's wild!

02:44:23.000 She started this cult, just kind of not a doctor, not a scientist.

02:44:28.000 And it's the kind of thing where you're like, oh, if someone wants to be a part of this or doesn't see through it, maybe they should be here.

02:44:34.000 What is her cult?

02:44:36.000 It's about... 0.99

02:44:37.000 She was sexually abused. 0.99

02:44:38.000 She comes from a satanic cult. 0.87

02:44:41.000 And then she does therapy to help you face your traumas.

02:44:46.000 Which right now, there's a lot of that out there.

02:44:48.000 Where people are sort of pretending to be these trauma healers when they have no medical degrees.

02:44:54.000 They're just kind of on Instagram.

02:44:56.000 And they're like, you know, write a letter to your inner child and don't talk to...

02:45:01.000 You know, it's just sort of...

02:45:02.000 People that are broken just kind of being magnetically attracted to someone who is like a narcissist who's going to promise them, like, I'm going to fix you.

02:45:10.000 But when someone tells you that they know how to fix you, that's always, like, super compelling to people.

02:45:15.000 Like, I have found the way.

02:45:16.000 I found the way out of your problems.

02:45:19.000 It's all your trauma.

02:45:20.000 And this can be healed.

02:45:22.000 You can be healed.

02:45:23.000 Like, there's not a lot of cult leaders that have—I mean, like, who's—like, I feel like it never ends well.

02:45:30.000 Like, the jig is going to be up eventually because you're also basically attracting a lot of really mentally ill people that are going to turn on you at some point.

02:45:38.000 It's a dangerous group of people to have around.

02:45:41.000 They can be very loyal, but when they turn on you, they're going to spend their whole life, you know, dedicated to taking you down because of that vengeance, that sort of need— And this teal swan lady, did they take her down? 1.00

02:45:54.000 The documentary filmmakers followed her for three years, pretending they were, like, into her.

02:45:59.000 Oh, really?

02:45:59.000 Yeah.

02:46:00.000 And, uh, very active on YouTube still, I bet.

02:46:05.000 She also did videos after each episode aired, like, debunking the videos, but it makes her look terrible. 0.76

02:46:12.000 The documentary makes her look terrible.

02:46:14.000 Yeah, it makes her look terrible.

02:46:15.000 I mean, terrible.

02:46:16.000 I feel like someone from this organization may have reached out.

02:46:21.000 No, I think your name does come up.

02:46:24.000 My name comes up?

02:46:25.000 In the documentary, someone says, like, oh, you should do Joe Rogan.

02:46:28.000 And she's like, yeah, I'd love to.

02:46:29.000 I'm sure.

02:46:30.000 But it's tricky with the cult thing because I think I'm...

02:46:34.000 What is she doing?

02:46:36.000 She's basically doing something that is not...

02:46:40.000 So EMDR is something that I think you have a lot of friends that have done.

02:46:44.000 I've done it.

02:46:45.000 I think Neil Brennan talked about it when he came on.

02:46:47.000 It's a trauma therapy that was developed, I think, for Vietnam War veterans.

02:46:50.000 It's about when you're traumatized.

02:46:55.000 You know what it is.

02:46:56.000 Look it up. 0.67

02:46:57.000 But she's kind of trying to do the version that's not professional, which is that whatever your biggest trauma was, you were molested, you were raped, you were whatever. 0.73

02:47:03.000 Let's go back there.

02:47:05.000 And work through it.

02:47:06.000 This is the only way to heal it.

02:47:07.000 And then there's other people at the retreat who are not doctors, who are not trained anyone, just other people at the retreat.

02:47:15.000 We're all going to act out the characters in your life.

02:47:18.000 Oh, Jesus.

02:47:19.000 So, Joe, your dad, you know, you were in a fight one time and it traumatized you when you were six.

02:47:25.000 Great.

02:47:26.000 You're going to be young Joe.

02:47:27.000 I'm going to be your dad. 0.99

02:47:29.000 Lindsay, this random girl from Tampa, who's fucking nuts, is going to be your mom. 1.00

02:47:36.000 And Taylor over here, this fucking trust fund asshole from LA, is going to be your sister or whatever. 1.00

02:47:42.000 And now, ready, go. 1.00

02:47:43.000 And we're going to reenact the scene.

02:47:45.000 And I'm like, Joe, don't...

02:47:47.000 And it's like bad acting.

02:47:48.000 It's kind of hilarious to watch if you're not...

02:47:50.000 This is in the documentary?

02:47:51.000 Yes.

02:47:51.000 It's kind of bad acting?

02:47:52.000 And then they stop the scene.

02:47:54.000 Joe, now you're sobbing.

02:47:56.000 Because of whatever power of suggestion or whatever you already predisposed to sort of be weak and, you know, or you want to, whatever the reason.

02:48:04.000 Unstable, maybe.

02:48:05.000 And then the person that acted, I acted as your dad, and this person acted as your mom, they go like, I felt like there was vibes of like, I wanted to, like, I think I've molested you before.

02:48:18.000 Did you...

02:48:18.000 Oh, like in another life?

02:48:20.000 No, like, I was the dad.

02:48:22.000 So I thought his thoughts. 0.98

02:48:24.000 And your dad abused you. 0.85

02:48:27.000 What? 0.98

02:48:27.000 Swear to God. 0.98

02:48:28.000 And there's like, that is so fucking irresponsible. 0.99

02:48:30.000 Like, just random people are just improvising in like a shitty acting class, diagnosing your family. 1.00

02:48:35.000 Oh my God. 0.71

02:48:36.000 And then the person is like, yeah, I think maybe he did.

02:48:38.000 Oh my God.

02:48:39.000 And then they're like...

02:48:40.000 So then they're mad at that person?

02:48:42.000 Yes!

02:48:42.000 Like that person is your dad?

02:48:43.000 People that aren't even professionals are telling, like, I think this person...

02:48:46.000 There was some sexual abuse in your family. 1.00

02:48:48.000 Based on fucking what? 1.00

02:48:51.000 It's just wildly irresponsible because of how vulnerable the people are that subscribe to her. 0.99

02:48:56.000 Why do you think people are so vulnerable to cults?

02:49:00.000 What is it about someone saying, I'm the leader, come with me, I have the solutions?

02:49:05.000 Why are people so vulnerable to that?

02:49:08.000 Well, a couple.

02:49:09.000 I think that church, having grown up with a lot of, like, religion around me, my mom's side of the family is from a place called Sherman, Texas.

02:49:16.000 They all worked in the church there.

02:49:18.000 And I think that church, in general, provides a lot for people that I think we tend to be a little bit classist about.

02:49:25.000 Like, You know, for me growing up, it provided childcare and community and food.

02:49:29.000 And, you know, it's a place to go on Sundays and, you know, have kids out of the house.

02:49:33.000 Like, it served a lot of purposes that now looking back, I'm like, why was I in churches so much as a kid?

02:49:38.000 I'm like, my parents weren't that religious.

02:49:39.000 They just needed a place to leave me for a couple hours, you know, which the irony is you go like Catholic churches are safe, right? 0.99

02:49:46.000 For girls, they are, I guess.

02:49:47.000 They kind of are for girls, which is weird, right?

02:49:49.000 Yeah, and I think on some level you go, like, I think smart parents go, discipline is good.

02:49:53.000 You know, which I think, you know, so it's like Catholic, this is good. 0.96

02:49:57.000 You know, there's a uniform.

02:49:58.000 You don't have to get kids all these clothes.

02:50:00.000 There's all this confusion about what to, you know, it just makes things kind of easier for parents on some level.

02:50:06.000 I think that in general, humans are vulnerable in both ways.

02:50:10.000 Like, I think about this a lot, that humans are, and you're going to, Probably have a lot to add to this, which is that we're kind of only superficially at the top of the food chain.

02:50:20.000 We can get killed by a bee.

02:50:23.000 Some people die from a bee.

02:50:25.000 We are so vulnerable all the time.

02:50:28.000 I mean, any animal, if we lost our opposable thumbs and they were let out of a cage, we'd be dead.

02:50:34.000 I mean, a lot of animals can kill us.

02:50:36.000 I mean, a tick can kill you, you know, if it's carrying the right diseases, you know?

02:50:39.000 And I think we know that.

02:50:41.000 I think subconsciously, like, we're aware that we're on borrowed time and that we're so much more fragile than we think.

02:50:48.000 And I think that that connects to our brain as well.

02:50:50.000 And I think the idea of having any kind of protection, even if it's false, whether it's a cult and we're all a family, and I think is something that's really attractive to people because it makes them feel like they have strength in numbers or are a part of a tribe and have some kind of protection.

02:51:04.000 Hmm.

02:51:05.000 Even though they're in the belly of the beast of danger.

02:51:07.000 The irony is that they're...

02:51:09.000 I think very few people are actually in danger of other animals.

02:51:12.000 I think when in terms of us being on the top of the food chain, we most certainly are by a long shot.

02:51:18.000 But if there were no weapons...

02:51:20.000 But the thing is, there's a balance.

02:51:23.000 And the balance is that we're physically very, very vulnerable and weak in comparison to most animals.

02:51:28.000 Like if most animals want to attack another animal, it takes a lot of work for a lion to bring down a water buffalo.

02:51:34.000 It's a lot of work.

02:51:35.000 You know, lying to bring down us is like that.

02:51:38.000 It's like instantaneous.

02:51:38.000 We're made out of Jell-O. We just fall apart.

02:51:41.000 We're Jell-O and twigs. 0.88

02:51:42.000 Trash bags full of blood.

02:51:43.000 But I think that the uncertainty of life is what it's about. 0.99

02:51:47.000 That's what, when a cult comes along, that's the same thing that a religion offers you.

02:51:52.000 Like, certainty.

02:51:53.000 Like, we have the answers.

02:51:55.000 Here are all the answers.

02:51:56.000 I'm going to alleviate you of all your anxiety.

02:51:58.000 Because one of the things, there's someone, I forget who I was reading this, they were saying that one of the things about human beings, we have anxiety because anxiety is future problem solving.

02:52:08.000 So we think about things and problems that we're going to have in the future.

02:52:10.000 Well, someone comes along and says, I've got all the answers.

02:52:13.000 They can alleviate you of that anxiety.

02:52:15.000 And all you have to do is have this willingness to believe.

02:52:19.000 Just be in bliss.

02:52:20.000 Let me take that off your plate. 0.87

02:52:21.000 Let me make it so you don't have to perseverate constantly.

02:52:24.000 I'm very pro-anxiety.

02:52:26.000 I'm sorry.

02:52:28.000 I know so many people, especially younger people, are like, I have anxiety.

02:52:31.000 I'm like, you should.

02:52:32.000 You should.

02:52:33.000 That's a healthy reaction.

02:52:34.000 Have you seen the news?

02:52:35.000 I know.

02:52:35.000 There was just an article that said how to protect yourself from nuclear war.

02:52:39.000 Did you see that New York thing where they made a video about if a nuclear war hits New York?

02:52:45.000 How to protect yourself?

02:52:47.000 Like, how much money are the news organizations hemorrhaging that they had to just post that?

02:52:53.000 They are in trouble.

02:52:55.000 They're in real trouble. 0.99

02:52:56.000 Like the Wall Street Journal just wrote a bullshit hit piece about Elon where, you know, they said that he was having sex with the Google chief's wife. 0.99

02:53:04.000 Oh, right, right, right. 0.99

02:53:05.000 And he was like, first of all, it's not true.

02:53:07.000 I've only seen her like three times over the last few years and every time has been with a lot of people around.

02:53:12.000 Second of all, this guy that's supposed to be my no longer friend, he goes, I was just hanging out with him last night. 0.98

02:53:17.000 So you guys are making shit up. 0.91

02:53:18.000 Oh, he posted a photo. 0.99

02:53:19.000 Yeah.

02:53:19.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:53:20.000 Like you guys are making things up.

02:53:21.000 And also, the Wall Street Journal didn't contact any of the people involved.

02:53:25.000 Of course not. 0.98

02:53:26.000 Which is fucking wild. 0.98

02:53:28.000 Just that alone, this is the Wall Street Journal. 0.99

02:53:30.000 That is crazy. 1.00

02:53:32.000 This is not like, you know, from some fucking tabloid website. 0.98

02:53:35.000 Because we've always, I do like to play the exercise of everything that's happening today always existed. 0.94

02:53:39.000 It just looked different.

02:53:40.000 You know, like we did used to have like the Enquirer, remember?

02:53:43.000 Sure. 0.92

02:53:44.000 And all those trash magazines and But they were like, my son's a werewolf, what do I do? 0.98

02:53:49.000 Yes, the alien, remember the kid with the teeth that was born an alien? 1.00

02:53:52.000 I love that shit. 1.00

02:53:53.000 Those were fun. 0.99

02:53:54.000 But like, you know, whenever people are like, the negative comments I'm getting, people are so disgusting now, I'm like, I, like, humans have always participated and gotten entertainment out of, like, schadenfreude.

02:54:05.000 Like, the Roman Coliseum, people used to go to public hangings, like, for entertainment.

02:54:10.000 For sure.

02:54:11.000 So that Twitter is just kind of an extension.

02:54:12.000 Like, I like to play with that idea.

02:54:15.000 Well, what Twitter is, is people saying things where you could read it, where they've always said.

02:54:20.000 Whenever someone has been successful or something's gone on in the news, people have always had hot takes on it. 0.97

02:54:25.000 At the barber shop, at the fucking beauty salon, at the gym.

02:54:28.000 People have always talked about it, but now they're talking about it in typed form, and they're putting it out on Twitter, and it goes out in the world.

02:54:36.000 It's fascinating to think about that and just like all the fears like fear of robots like there was also remember I was reading something about the fear of trains like when trains first started people were thought that they would get electrocuted they'd be infertile if they rode on a train they had the same irrational technophobia fears with them I mean it's obviously a small group of people you know elevators you know like when new technology comes it does feel weird.

02:54:59.000 Right.

02:54:59.000 There's a lot of people that are scared of AirPods, right?

02:55:02.000 They're worried about the EMF signals and maybe they're right. 0.56

02:55:05.000 Or maybe it's just going to be like what trains back then, they thought that if you go more than 35 miles an hour, you fucking compress and explode.

02:55:13.000 Remember in, I guess this was, I don't know, late 90s, I mean, The Simpsons.

02:55:20.000 Remember how big that was?

02:55:22.000 Like, gotta get Simpsons off the air.

02:55:24.000 Tipper Gore was coming after Eminem.

02:55:26.000 They were trying to get Beavis and Butthead off the air.

02:55:28.000 They were trying to get the Simpsons off the air?

02:55:29.000 Oh, Bart Simpson was like a very controversial figure, I think, back in the day.

02:55:35.000 Tell me if I'm wrong.

02:55:36.000 Yeah.

02:55:40.000 Yeah.

02:55:46.000 Yeah.

02:55:55.000 I remember Tipper Gore going after rap music.

02:55:57.000 Yep.

02:55:58.000 Isn't she who caused parental advisory? 1.00

02:56:00.000 Mm-hmm.

02:56:01.000 Yeah.

02:56:01.000 They put that on because of her.

02:56:03.000 Yeah.

02:56:03.000 But Eminem was, I mean...

02:56:05.000 Can you imagine before rap was around, like gangster rap, and then all of a sudden it comes around, like NWA and Ice-T and all that shit, and you're like, what? 0.97

02:56:14.000 You're talking about shooting people? 0.98

02:56:16.000 Mm-hmm. 1.00

02:56:17.000 You got a song called Fuck the Police? 1.00

02:56:20.000 But then we could do a song that's like, hit me with your best shot. 1.00

02:56:24.000 Or, on the good ship, lollipop.

02:56:28.000 That's more offensive.

02:56:30.000 I love Bruce Springsteen, but I did do a joke about this in my special.

02:56:33.000 Like, hey little girl, is your dad home?

02:56:36.000 Did he go and leave you all alone?

02:56:39.000 I got a bad desire.

02:56:44.000 Oh, I'm on fire. 1.00

02:56:46.000 What the fuck, man? 1.00

02:56:47.000 Like, buddy. 1.00

02:56:48.000 When did you sing that?

02:56:49.000 Do you remember that Rod Stewart song?

02:56:53.000 It was like, you'll be a woman. 0.98

02:56:55.000 Is it that one?

02:56:56.000 It was like, spread your legs wide, open.

02:57:00.000 Well, they all had songs about like 16-year-olds.

02:57:03.000 Insane.

02:57:03.000 Yeah.

02:57:04.000 But the videos were wild, too.

02:57:06.000 Kiss had a song, Christine 16. Remember, were you Dave Matthews' person or no?

02:57:10.000 No.

02:57:14.000 I knew that was gonna go that way.

02:57:16.000 But there is that song, um, hike up your skirt a little more.

02:57:21.000 You went to a couple crashing to me and I come into ya. 0.99

02:57:26.000 Yeah, that would just, when you, every now and then you're like singing along to a song and you're like, damn, that's wild. 0.99

02:57:31.000 Yeah. 0.97

02:57:32.000 Everybody was kung fu. 1.00

02:57:36.000 The song Semi-Charm Life by Third Eye Blind, it's like about drug abuse.

02:57:41.000 Is it?

02:57:41.000 It's such an upbeat, poppy song.

02:57:44.000 But if you read the words, he's talking about doing drugs.

02:57:48.000 They should have done more drugs to make that song cooler. 0.99

02:57:51.000 I mean, there's so many stories of that, right?

02:57:53.000 Where people were escaping reality together.

02:57:56.000 I mean, that was Barfly.

02:57:58.000 Remember that movie?

02:57:59.000 It's actually about crystal meth.

02:58:00.000 Oh, Jesus Christ.

02:58:02.000 Wow, wow, wow.

02:58:03.000 Yeah, that makes sense.

02:58:04.000 Did those folks, did anybody from that band die?

02:58:07.000 I don't know.

02:58:08.000 Was that their only...

02:58:09.000 That was their biggest.

02:58:10.000 Not only.

02:58:11.000 They had the one about Suicide Jumper, Jump Off That Ledge.

02:58:14.000 This was a...

02:58:14.000 Oh, Get Back From That Ledge, my friend.

02:58:18.000 Dude, I mean, remember...

02:58:20.000 I remember the first song that, like...

02:58:24.000 Haunted me or felt like, you know, was Pearl Jam Jeremy.

02:58:30.000 Jeremy spoke.

02:58:31.000 And I was like, yo, this is about a kid blowing his brains out.

02:58:35.000 Like that was like, that was really intense.

02:58:39.000 Yeah.

02:58:40.000 What was that song, Better Man?

02:58:42.000 Can't find a better man.

02:58:44.000 God, I love him so much.

02:58:45.000 I asked your first crush.

02:58:47.000 He was definitely my first crush.

02:58:48.000 He tried to take on Ticketmaster.

02:58:52.000 Remember that?

02:58:54.000 Recently.

02:58:55.000 Yeah, they tried to take on Ticketmaster and it crushed their business.

02:58:59.000 Because they were like, why is Ticketmaster getting all this money?

02:59:02.000 Why are we paying all this money to them? 0.95

02:59:03.000 We're gonna fucking stop that. 0.94

02:59:05.000 I thought the ticket buyer pays it. 0.97

02:59:07.000 Well, I guess it comes out of his.

02:59:09.000 Well, I think they were trying to stop that from happening.

02:59:14.000 They wanted a relationship where the fan pays 20 bucks and they get the 20 bucks, not the fan pays 40 bucks and Ticketmaster gets 20 bucks and they get 20 bucks.

02:59:24.000 I heard Schultz just buy back their albums.

02:59:30.000 What do you think of what he did?

02:59:31.000 I love it.

02:59:32.000 It's interesting, right?

02:59:33.000 I love it.

02:59:34.000 Bought his stuff back and released it for free.

02:59:36.000 Or released it, rather, for a fee.

02:59:38.000 Yeah, and I think that we're kind of at a place where comedians don't love change.

02:59:46.000 We like doing things the way we did it.

02:59:48.000 And now I find I've been so resistant to new things.

02:59:51.000 And I'm now just like, I don't want to get on Instagram. 0.98

02:59:53.000 That's dumb. 0.93

02:59:54.000 And then you are like, this isn't going away. 1.00

02:59:56.000 You just have to ride the horse in the direction it's going.

02:59:58.000 And like every platform might be really hot.

03:00:01.000 The next year it's not.

03:00:02.000 Or it's gone.

03:00:03.000 Remember there was like CISO and TBS and Comedy Central.

03:00:06.000 How long was CISO around for?

03:00:08.000 A year?

03:00:10.000 Max.

03:00:10.000 What was Quibi?

03:00:11.000 Was that the one they put billions into?

03:00:13.000 Yep.

03:00:14.000 But that, honestly, Jeffrey Katzenberg's a gangster.

03:00:16.000 I mean, he started DreamWorks.

03:00:17.000 He based it on the South Korean model, which was already doing that, and kind of was like, oh, they're so ahead of us on so many things.

03:00:26.000 They're consuming three minutes at a time, but I think that now it's like, oh, we just want three minutes of Rogan talking to his friend.

03:00:32.000 They didn't have the content.

03:00:35.000 I thought that was so flawed from the beginning because they were trying to hire people to make content.

03:00:40.000 I'm like, you don't know if the content's good.

03:00:42.000 The only way people are tuning in is if it's good content.

03:00:44.000 You don't know if you have good content yet, but you're spending all this money and you don't have like Certified content.

03:00:52.000 It's a terrible idea.

03:00:53.000 I don't know what this says about me.

03:00:55.000 I will not watch the best show on television because I don't want to enter in numbers.

03:01:01.000 As soon as you sign up for a pass, I'm just like, peace.

03:01:04.000 Not worth it.

03:01:05.000 I'll wait until I can just look.

03:01:06.000 It's on another platform.

03:01:08.000 If I have to go to a new network just to...

03:01:11.000 A new platform.

03:01:12.000 Yes.

03:01:12.000 I have to really want it because that put in your email and a password, I'm like, never mind.

03:01:18.000 Yeah, I've got like Amazon Prime, I've got Netflix, I've got HBO Max, I've got Hulu.

03:01:25.000 Showtime?

03:01:26.000 I think I have that.

03:01:27.000 Well, I got it for the Oliver Stone documentary.

03:01:30.000 Oh, I have it.

03:01:31.000 I have it because I got it for the JFK thing.

03:01:33.000 Yeah, yeah.

03:01:34.000 Because he was coming on to talk about that.

03:01:35.000 Yeah.

03:01:36.000 But that's it.

03:01:37.000 I'm out.

03:01:37.000 That's it.

03:01:38.000 If you come up with a new one, I'm like...

03:01:39.000 At capacity.

03:01:40.000 I'm at capacity on passwords.

03:01:42.000 I'm at capacity on platforms at the moment.

03:01:44.000 You know?

03:01:45.000 But it seems like...

03:01:46.000 And also, it's just something new every day.

03:01:48.000 So in terms of Schultz, I think it's like...

03:01:50.000 When he did the thing at Netflix for that Christmas thing he did, the year in review, that was perfect.

03:01:56.000 And then the algorithm started maybe not doing what he wanted.

03:01:59.000 And then do that.

03:02:00.000 And then he might go back.

03:02:00.000 You know, I think we just have to stay flexible.

03:02:02.000 But if you own your own shit... 1.00

03:02:04.000 That's the key. 0.99

03:02:05.000 So this special I just did, I financed it so that if things change in two years, I'll own it.

03:02:10.000 So you just did a licensing deal with Netflix?

03:02:13.000 Yes.

03:02:13.000 Interesting.

03:02:14.000 So if Joe Rogan, ComedyMothership.com ends up being the next comedy network, I'll be able to, great, I can give it to Joe.

03:02:21.000 I can put it on YouTube.

03:02:22.000 I can put it, whatever the big thing is in two years, which...

03:02:26.000 JakePaul.com. 0.93

03:02:27.000 I don't fucking know. 0.96

03:02:28.000 Wherever we're going to have our content in two years, I don't think we even know. 0.98

03:02:32.000 No, I don't think we know either.

03:02:34.000 The censorship thing is the most disturbing, right?

03:02:37.000 Because you just don't want your thing to be watered down just because someone thinks they're going to make a couple extra bucks, if it is.

03:02:45.000 It's the opposite.

03:02:45.000 You're going to make way more if it's not.

03:02:47.000 That's the irony.

03:02:48.000 Yeah.

03:02:48.000 Well, they're learning that now, but it's a slow process of education.

03:02:53.000 They're learning that now through podcasts.

03:02:55.000 Yeah.

03:02:56.000 The difference between censored podcasts and uncensored podcasts in terms of reach, it's pretty crazy.

03:03:03.000 Yeah.

03:03:03.000 But I think that Netflix, I think that to go like, oh, comedy's not doing as well, I don't think it's because you're not censoring things.

03:03:14.000 Do you know what I mean?

03:03:15.000 No.

03:03:16.000 They're making terrible choices.

03:03:17.000 Well, they did censor.

03:03:19.000 Well, they made a terrible choice.

03:03:21.000 When Comedy Central started sliding was when they went after Ari and they killed This Is Not Happening, which is one of the best shows they had on the network.

03:03:29.000 So good.

03:03:29.000 Because Ari wanted to do a Netflix special.

03:03:31.000 And they said, no, you have to do a Comedy Central special.

03:03:33.000 He's like, but that's not contractually true.

03:03:36.000 Yeah.

03:03:36.000 Like, I don't have a contract with you guys to do that.

03:03:38.000 I'm allowed to do a Netflix special.

03:03:40.000 And they said, if you do, we're going to cancel your show.

03:03:45.000 Which is weird to me because I had a show at Amazon a couple years ago with Lisa Kudrow and Martin Short and Lee Daniels and all the actors.

03:03:54.000 It was at Amazon and they were like, if you work at Amazon you can't do shows at Netflix or if you're at Netflix you can't do shows at Amazon.

03:04:00.000 That's like the old studio system from the 20s when it was like Warner Brothers would buy Joe Rogan.

03:04:06.000 You'd have to make it worth it then.

03:04:09.000 But not only that, Netflix was paying Ari more.

03:04:14.000 Comedy Central wanted to pay him less to do something on Comedy Central because he had a show on Comedy Central and they wanted him to stay on it.

03:04:23.000 What else was nettling was I think the comedians for the longest time had this we should be so lucky thing.

03:04:29.000 Right.

03:04:30.000 We'll take no money.

03:04:31.000 Well, whatever it is, just get any exposure, any ticket sales, because there were so few ways to get on TV that we took such garbage deals and didn't understand our own worth.

03:04:39.000 So I remember just seeing, I think everyone had this experience where all of a sudden my Comedy Central specials were on Paramount Plus.

03:04:46.000 And everyone's like, oh, and I'm like, cool.

03:04:47.000 Like, I didn't even think to say, like, did I get paid for that?

03:04:50.000 Right.

03:04:51.000 Sell it to Paramount Plus?

03:04:52.000 Yeah, what happened?

03:04:53.000 And then a special that I had on Comedy Central that I didn't own was sold to Netflix.

03:04:57.000 Because as a comedian, you're like, oh, well, that'll help my ticket sales.

03:04:59.000 Like, how dare you complain? 1.00

03:05:01.000 But then you're like, what the fuck, man? 0.99

03:05:02.000 This is a bad thing to enable. 0.99

03:05:05.000 Like, I should... 1.00

03:05:06.000 Not be cool about this because we will work for free and have no concept of what our value is because people have told us, like, you're a piece of shit for so long. 0.98

03:05:17.000 But now I think comedians are starting to realize we have more power than we thought because we were so gaslit to believe, like, you know, we needed all these networks in order to make it. 0.99

03:05:26.000 And we did for a long time.

03:05:27.000 You know, God, dude, like, it used to be like, how do I get on?

03:05:31.000 Yeah.

03:05:32.000 I remember like doing the George Lopez show when he had a talk show once.

03:05:37.000 And I remember I was like borrowing money to get there.

03:05:40.000 I'm like, if I just kill on this set, maybe I can headline penguins.

03:05:45.000 You know, it's like we need it. 0.84

03:05:47.000 You know, we had no power.

03:05:49.000 Yeah. 0.95

03:05:49.000 You know, and you'd see people that were so fucking funny that couldn't feed their families. 0.95

03:05:52.000 How freeing is it for you now to have a podcast, though? 0.58

03:05:55.000 It's pretty amazing.

03:05:58.000 I don't think that, like, YouTube, I'm a little bit, you know, I know that it's predominantly, like, male. 0.95

03:06:04.000 I know, I was talking to Schultz about this, and he's like, no, women go on there and they watch makeup tutorials and shit.

03:06:09.000 Like, I think there's, you know, I still get a little bit insecure about that. 0.94

03:06:15.000 About the demographics?

03:06:16.000 Or about just going like, oh, can I not get as many people on YouTube or whatever?

03:06:21.000 But yeah, but that might just be my own, like, insecurity.

03:06:23.000 Yeah.

03:06:23.000 I don't think you should think about it at all.

03:06:25.000 Just do what you're doing.

03:06:26.000 I don't think anybody should ever think about, like, how do I get more people?

03:06:30.000 Just do your best thing.

03:06:32.000 Do your best thing and then try to make it better.

03:06:35.000 Don't ever think, like, how am I getting more people?

03:06:37.000 Because then you're going to compromise yourself.

03:06:38.000 You're going to change who you are in order to be more outrageous or more this or more that. 0.99

03:06:43.000 And that shit becomes transparent to people. 1.00

03:06:45.000 If they don't think you're really you, that drives them nuts. 0.99

03:06:49.000 Well, I think what it is is I try to not, with the podcast, be, like, business-oriented.

03:06:53.000 It's more like when you're like, oh, you need to tag certain things so you get in the algorithm.

03:06:57.000 And, you know, like, I'll get advice like that, and I'm like, I'd rather just not get as many numbers and just have a good time and be authentic.

03:07:05.000 I don't want to overthink YouTube by putting certain words in the caption that's going to make it pop up on the side.

03:07:10.000 Like, I don't want to get into all that. 0.99

03:07:12.000 Yeah, fuck that. 0.99

03:07:13.000 Yeah, that's just not something I'm particularly good at or interested in. 1.00

03:07:16.000 I like to just put it out and never think about it again.

03:07:19.000 Then do that with the demographics, too, and all that other stuff.

03:07:23.000 People say that.

03:07:24.000 They're like, you have to get more of this and this.

03:07:25.000 Don't listen to those people. 0.99

03:07:26.000 Cut them off. 1.00

03:07:27.000 That's...

03:07:28.000 Toxic.

03:07:29.000 You're taking the thing that is the most joyful, but I think it's made me a better comedian.

03:07:35.000 It's, you know, made me more thoughtful.

03:07:37.000 I think before I did a podcast, I was so like, you know, you work on something for a year before you let anyone see it.

03:07:43.000 Everything has to be perfect all the time.

03:07:45.000 Right.

03:07:45.000 And now you're just loose.

03:07:46.000 You just have conversations and you laugh and talk shit. 1.00

03:07:49.000 Yeah. 1.00

03:07:49.000 It's a skill, though. 1.00

03:07:50.000 I mean, I definitely think the first couple times on this show, I was so trained.

03:07:55.000 It's like, you go on a talk show, you have seven minutes.

03:07:57.000 You've got to get it all. 1.00

03:07:57.000 You're like a manic, like, psycho. 1.00

03:08:00.000 Like, laugh whore. 1.00

03:08:02.000 And it's just so uncomfortable. 0.96

03:08:06.000 So it took me a second to just settle in and be, like, not rushing desperately to try to get a laugh.

03:08:13.000 That's a weird thing when I have people come on and you can feel their nervousness.

03:08:18.000 And I'm like, how do I alleviate that?

03:08:20.000 How do I get them to calm down?

03:08:21.000 You know?

03:08:23.000 It's tricky.

03:08:24.000 I think that, you know, as I do so many other people's podcasts, I think, you know, doing other people's podcasts is a skill that you have to learn.

03:08:31.000 Oh, yeah.

03:08:32.000 You know, doing Burt's.

03:08:33.000 I just did Schultz. 0.88

03:08:34.000 I just did Are You Garbage?

03:08:36.000 I just did Legion of Skanks. 0.71

03:08:38.000 Yeah.

03:08:39.000 Live in New York.

03:08:41.000 Everyone is so different.

03:08:43.000 It's someone else's home.

03:08:44.000 You don't have the home court advantage.

03:08:45.000 You're a guest on someone else's show.

03:08:47.000 They're usually not there.

03:08:49.000 They're usually there, I think, in situations like that to hear their friends, the hosts, in combination with you.

03:08:56.000 Isn't it interesting, though, that that has completely taken over promotion?

03:09:01.000 It used to be you had to get on The Tonight Show or you had to get on The Kimmel Show.

03:09:06.000 That's gone.

03:09:07.000 They don't want you to do that at all.

03:09:09.000 If you do something, they want you to go on all the podcasts.

03:09:12.000 And they're like, we don't know how to get you on there.

03:09:15.000 Can you DM that?

03:09:16.000 They can't even help you.

03:09:18.000 Can't help you.

03:09:19.000 Can you get me on Hot Ones?

03:09:22.000 That is a 100% changing of the guard.

03:09:26.000 100%.

03:09:27.000 Yeah.

03:09:27.000 So this last time, you know, this past week, I did, like, Kelly and Ryan or something.

03:09:31.000 And you're like, okay, that's going to be on in, like, veterinarians' offices in the lobby.

03:09:37.000 It's going to be on, you know what I mean, at the TSA, like, you know, like, in the break room.

03:09:42.000 Right.

03:09:43.000 You know?

03:09:44.000 Someone connected to a tube stuck in a bed.

03:09:47.000 Ooh! 0.96

03:09:49.000 Ooh! 0.96

03:09:52.000 On their deathbed they have to see me be like, I have Lyme disease!

03:09:55.000 Is Ryan hitting on Kelly?

03:09:58.000 Is that Whitney or Ryan?

03:10:00.000 Who is that?

03:10:02.000 Why is everyone so weird?

03:10:03.000 Can I get more morphine? 1.00

03:10:07.000 Just fucking pull the plug! 1.00

03:10:09.000 Yeah. 1.00

03:10:09.000 Just drown me in morphine. 1.00

03:10:11.000 I can't watch three people forcing jokes on a set.

03:10:14.000 But yeah, that's really it.

03:10:15.000 Where was that show filmed?

03:10:17.000 New York.

03:10:18.000 So you flew into New York just for that?

03:10:19.000 No, I did Schultz. 0.97

03:10:21.000 I did Are You Garbage? 0.97

03:10:23.000 What a contrast. 0.96

03:10:24.000 It was wild to go back and forth.

03:10:28.000 From Kelly and Ryan to Legion of Skanks. 0.92

03:10:31.000 Oh, that's hilarious. 0.99

03:10:33.000 Total mindfuck. 0.98

03:10:34.000 I did our We Might Be Drunk. 0.99

03:10:38.000 I did Burt's podcast when I was there.

03:10:40.000 So yeah, that's really the way to do it at this point.

03:10:43.000 Yeah, that's the only way.

03:10:44.000 It's pretty wild.

03:10:47.000 And you're not even doing stand-up, which is even crazier.

03:10:49.000 Because it was also like, I'm going to go do stand-up on Conan.

03:10:51.000 I'm going to do stand-up on...

03:10:52.000 Which, by the way, I accidentally dressed exactly like Jay Leno in this special.

03:10:57.000 How so?

03:10:58.000 Did you wear a jean shirt?

03:10:59.000 Yes.

03:11:00.000 Did you?

03:11:00.000 I wore a jean jacket and jeans, and I totally...

03:11:05.000 You didn't realize it while you were doing it?

03:11:07.000 I didn't even think about it.

03:11:08.000 Why did you dress that way?

03:11:09.000 I was trying to just go, okay, classic, never going to go out of style, because people now... 0.97

03:11:14.000 My first special from 15 years ago, it's cut up on Instagram, and I look like fucking Peggy Bundy. 0.98

03:11:21.000 I look insane. 0.99

03:11:22.000 Wow. 0.99

03:11:22.000 I look insane. 0.99

03:11:24.000 I look like such a crack whore. 1.00

03:11:26.000 I'm like, okay, I need to dress in a way where if someone watches this in 10 years, 20 years, it'll still hold up. 0.99

03:11:31.000 So I was like, I'll just do like a jean jacket and jeans.

03:11:33.000 And everyone's like, you know, making fun of me that I look like Jay Leno.

03:11:39.000 Yeah.

03:11:40.000 Ah, you look great.

03:11:41.000 Yeah, it's like, I mean...

03:11:42.000 But you look relaxed.

03:11:44.000 Yeah, thank you.

03:11:45.000 It looks like you doing a regular set somewhere, as opposed to that one where your hair was down, you were really well made up and everything.

03:11:53.000 The HBO special.

03:11:54.000 Yeah, you went a little hard in the paint on that one.

03:11:57.000 It was like, I'm doing the HBO special.

03:12:00.000 I'm going to get a stylist.

03:12:01.000 I'm going to like, you know, this is every comic's dream.

03:12:04.000 And I had a lot of voices around me being like, why don't you be more feminine?

03:12:09.000 Like, be more of a, you know, just do something because I'm kind of a, you know, bull dyke. 0.99

03:12:16.000 And that's how I dress.

03:12:18.000 But also, I was really, you know, I stand by the material in that special, but I was wearing like heels.

03:12:23.000 I'd never worn heels on stage before.

03:12:25.000 Oh, that'd be odd.

03:12:26.000 It was so odd.

03:12:27.000 And I'm, you know, I felt like I couldn't be as physical as I normally am.

03:12:30.000 You'd slip around, right?

03:12:31.000 Oh, yeah.

03:12:31.000 Yeah, I was like worried about falling.

03:12:33.000 I was like a fucking Bambi on ice, like a fucking idiot. 1.00

03:12:36.000 And I really, yeah, I regret not just going, you know what, this is what I wear every night. 1.00

03:12:40.000 I'm just going to wear the nicer version of what I wear every night.

03:12:43.000 You know, I think of this, you know, I do like dressing up a little more because I find this whole thing where comedians just wear their pajamas at the win. 0.90

03:12:52.000 Like, can you, would it kill you to put on a fucking, like, When Tony Hinchcliffe, Hans Kim, and Brian Simpson and I did the MGM last month, or this month rather, I guess it was this month. 0.91

03:13:05.000 I forgot what month it is. 0.99

03:13:06.000 We all got tailored David August suits.

03:13:09.000 I saw that.

03:13:10.000 Yeah.

03:13:10.000 I thought you guys were all making fun of Lex.

03:13:14.000 No, we decided to get tailored suits, like, and all wear the same suit.

03:13:18.000 Did you feel weird performing?

03:13:20.000 It feels kind of cool, right?

03:13:21.000 You know what's great about it?

03:13:22.000 It was like, and Tony brought this up, he said it was like we had an outfit to change into.

03:13:26.000 Like, we showed up dressed like this, like normal clothes, and then we got there and then we put on our work clothes, like we're ready to go to work.

03:13:33.000 Well, it's like...

03:13:33.000 Yeah, that's us.

03:13:34.000 That's dope! 0.79

03:13:35.000 I like it!

03:13:36.000 Why not?

03:13:36.000 Look at Brian!

03:13:38.000 He's the glasses!

03:13:39.000 That makes me so...

03:13:40.000 He looks...

03:13:41.000 Look at his feet.

03:13:41.000 He doesn't even know how to stand.

03:13:43.000 Oh, there we go.

03:13:44.000 See, I think there's something cool about being like, yeah, we're putting on our, like, war gear.

03:13:48.000 It felt good.

03:13:49.000 You know?

03:13:49.000 It felt good.

03:13:50.000 I also think people, you know, people spend a lot of money.

03:13:53.000 Like, they, you know, it's been a rough time.

03:13:55.000 If someone's gonna come spend a hundred bucks and get drinks, like...

03:13:57.000 Yeah.

03:13:58.000 I remember being in Vegas and looking out, and I was in, like, a t-shirt and jeans, and...

03:14:03.000 Because you don't want anyone to think you think you're better than them, or I don't want to dress up too much.

03:14:06.000 I don't want you to think I'm, you know...

03:14:08.000 And I looked down and I saw these women in like sequin gowns. 1.00

03:14:13.000 And I was like, oh, this is your big night out.

03:14:15.000 Right. 0.99

03:14:16.000 And I look like I'm on my way to fucking rehab. 0.99

03:14:19.000 Right. 1.00

03:14:19.000 This is ridiculous. 1.00

03:14:19.000 Imagine if you are, this is your big night out and someone goes on stage with a notepad and goes, what else? 1.00

03:14:25.000 What else?

03:14:25.000 What else is happening?

03:14:27.000 People do that in big shows.

03:14:28.000 There's people that do that in big shows. 0.99

03:14:30.000 They'll go on stage and not know what the fuck they're talking about. 0.97

03:14:33.000 Do you think, because I have so much judgment about that, do you think, though, that their fans are like, oh, this is cool, I get to kind of see them? 0.99

03:14:40.000 No.

03:14:42.000 No, I think the fans want to see a show.

03:14:44.000 But it's different between them going up at a small club and working out material.

03:14:48.000 In that case, I think, yes.

03:14:49.000 Absolutely.

03:14:50.000 Like, I saw Christina at the Creek in the Cave, and she went up with a notebook, and she had just released her special.

03:14:55.000 I was with you!

03:14:55.000 Oh, that's right.

03:15:02.000 I was like, I was with this fucking retard. 1.00

03:15:04.000 You're like, I was sitting next to this dumb whore who was cackling the whole fucking time. 1.00

03:15:10.000 That was hilarious. 1.00

03:15:11.000 That's hilarious.

03:15:12.000 Yeah, yeah.

03:15:12.000 But we saw her and it was great.

03:15:13.000 That was magical.

03:15:14.000 It was really fun.

03:15:15.000 But it was also fun because the audience was in and the Creek in the Cave is great because it's a very small room.

03:15:20.000 So the audience was in on the fact that she was creating this whole new set from scratch and she let him know.

03:15:26.000 Yep.

03:15:26.000 But true pros know how to go.

03:15:29.000 Yeah.

03:15:30.000 I think that true pros pretend they're more unprepared than they actually are in a way.

03:15:35.000 I'll go out there and I'll have them written down, but don't get it twisted.

03:15:39.000 I look at the bullet points, but I know I'm not going to ever allow a sloppy show to happen.

03:15:45.000 Right, right, right.

03:15:46.000 But some people do, and that drives people nuts.

03:15:50.000 People have jobs and they're tired.

03:15:51.000 It drives them nuts.

03:15:52.000 I get it.

03:15:53.000 I see it from their point.

03:15:54.000 One time I was at the Ice House in Pasadena and there was like a book show.

03:16:00.000 It was just a bunch of random comics.

03:16:02.000 And I went in to watch the comic that was going before me.

03:16:05.000 And the comic said to the audience, like, so, where are you from, sir?

03:16:09.000 And he was like, oh, Pensacola, whatever.

03:16:11.000 A guy behind him stood up and went...

03:16:13.000 He's from Lake Tahoe.

03:16:14.000 He's from Los Angeles.

03:16:16.000 He's from Cleveland.

03:16:17.000 Can you please just do some jokes?

03:16:20.000 Whoa.

03:16:21.000 It's crazy.

03:16:23.000 Whoa.

03:16:24.000 And you know, do you have those moments in your career that change you forever?

03:16:27.000 And you're like, boom. 0.98

03:16:28.000 If you're going to do crowd work, it better be fucking... 0.99

03:16:31.000 Right. 0.99

03:16:32.000 Andrew Schultz style.

03:16:33.000 Dynamite.

03:16:34.000 Yeah.

03:16:34.000 You better be good at it.

03:16:35.000 Or you better do 20 minutes.

03:16:37.000 Right.

03:16:37.000 Then go into it.

03:16:38.000 But that's also the thing where you do in one of those shows where there's 15 other people on the show.

03:16:42.000 Like if they're killing it and they're doing stand-up and they've got bits and tight bits and then, you know, you're up there.

03:16:48.000 So where are you from, sir?

03:16:50.000 And they're like, oh, Jesus Christ.

03:16:51.000 Yeah.

03:16:52.000 What are you doing?

03:16:53.000 I really enjoyed us going to the creek in the cave that night to see Christina.

03:16:57.000 I hadn't gone to watch a comedy.

03:16:59.000 I was stunned at how loud it was.

03:17:06.000 We're all way funnier than we even know because we're also competing with so much noise.

03:17:12.000 I couldn't believe it. 0.99

03:17:13.000 People are opening their fucking butterscotches. 1.00

03:17:15.000 People are just so... 1.00

03:17:17.000 Distracted.

03:17:18.000 There's so much going on that you're like, oh, she's still killing even though people are having to do ten other things, you know, which is what I do love about the comedy store.

03:17:26.000 It's so dark in that OR that you really can't do much else.

03:17:30.000 You can only watch the show.

03:17:32.000 Yeah.

03:17:33.000 Well, when we went to see you, that was like the first time I'd seen stand-up in a theater in a long time where just going to see somebody.

03:17:40.000 Seeing Christina was like one of the first times I saw anybody in a club.

03:17:43.000 But I like going to see comedy.

03:17:45.000 I haven't in a long time.

03:17:47.000 I hadn't done it in a long time.

03:17:49.000 But just being an audience member, it gives you a better appreciation for what the audience is sitting through.

03:17:54.000 Yeah. 1.00

03:17:55.000 Makes you tighten your shit up. 1.00

03:17:56.000 Completely. 1.00

03:17:57.000 And also pace it up in a lot of ways.

03:18:00.000 And, you know, I just remember sitting there and being like, there's so much going on.

03:18:04.000 Remember?

03:18:04.000 We were like hearing.

03:18:06.000 And that might just be a comedian thing because we're so sensitive to sound.

03:18:09.000 But she didn't even hear it.

03:18:10.000 All the things that were driving me nuts, she didn't even hear.

03:18:12.000 Right.

03:18:13.000 She's way up there.

03:18:13.000 And also she's got monitors in front of her.

03:18:15.000 So the loudspeakers right there.

03:18:17.000 It's weird, like, when we're on stage, I would love, like, maybe Huberman will do it, like, a study of what happens to our brain when you're performing, because I find that I get a more acute hearing when I'm on stage, but also get more deaf.

03:18:29.000 I wonder what, if, like, you could put, like, sensors on the brain and hook it up to, like, an fMRI machine and have people, like, have your brain functions monitored.

03:18:41.000 Because you are, you know, where did I read that the reason people are so afraid of public speaking is that like on a reptile brain, it used to be in tribal times, if you were talking to a crowd, it meant you were like defending yourself.

03:18:54.000 Yeah, you told me that.

03:18:55.000 Right?

03:18:55.000 Yeah, yeah.

03:18:56.000 That's really interesting that that's why people are afraid to talk in front of large groups because usually you're about to get judged. 0.98

03:19:02.000 Yeah, you'd have to basically save your ass or defend yourself before everyone stoned you. 0.95

03:19:06.000 So I would imagine your amygdala is going nuts, but also sometimes you only see light and that's it. 1.00

03:19:14.000 What does your brain think you're looking at?

03:19:16.000 On stage?

03:19:17.000 Yeah.

03:19:17.000 Well, it's really bad when you only see light and don't see the crowd.

03:19:22.000 I don't like that.

03:19:23.000 I like seeing a little of the crowd.

03:19:25.000 It's like those places where you're flooded, that's disconcerting.

03:19:29.000 I know, and you're kind of like, I could be anywhere.

03:19:31.000 I could be in space.

03:19:32.000 What am I concentrating on?

03:19:33.000 Exactly.

03:19:34.000 Yeah, where are the people?

03:19:34.000 I need to lock into one person, usually.

03:19:37.000 But yeah, it'd be interesting to know what goes on, just in terms of comedians.

03:19:42.000 I get nervous in places, but when I'm on stage, I never feel nervous.

03:19:48.000 Really?

03:19:49.000 Ever.

03:19:49.000 Do you feel nervous before you go on stage?

03:19:52.000 Sometimes I'll feel excited.

03:19:54.000 I think one of the biggest challenges we all have is the difference between nervous and excited.

03:19:57.000 Right.

03:19:58.000 Because they're very close.

03:19:59.000 Nervous is fear.

03:20:00.000 That's what people think is fear.

03:20:03.000 Yeah, not fear, but definitely amped up.

03:20:06.000 I want to get it right.

03:20:07.000 I think if anything, it's like, I just don't forget this and don't forget that and don't zone out and stay here.

03:20:11.000 It's just a matter of just...

03:20:13.000 Good nervousness.

03:20:14.000 Stay in the pocket.

03:20:14.000 Yeah, I think nervousness is good.

03:20:16.000 I think it is too.

03:20:17.000 This whole fear of anxiety.

03:20:18.000 I meet people who are like, I have anxiety.

03:20:19.000 I'm like, you should have more anxiety.

03:20:20.000 Yeah.

03:20:21.000 Get more anxious to make yourself more interesting.

03:20:24.000 Why aren't you like, I'm anxious about boring this person.

03:20:27.000 I'm going to go read a book.

03:20:28.000 You're anxious about the wrong things if you think that this is an interesting conversation.

03:20:32.000 So I think anxiety is good.

03:20:33.000 I see it as fuel.

03:20:35.000 I get excited about it because it's like, oh, I can alchemize this into energy.

03:20:39.000 Let me give this to them.

03:20:41.000 Yeah.

03:20:41.000 And I also get excited about what's going to work, especially with now.

03:20:46.000 This whole thing where everyone's like, you can't say anything.

03:20:48.000 I'm excited that there's danger in comedy again.

03:20:51.000 There's eggshells again.

03:20:53.000 Yeah, I am too.

03:20:55.000 You know, there's tension, whereas I feel like three years ago, you couldn't shock anyone.

03:21:01.000 It was a lot harder.

03:21:02.000 There was sex tape, pee tape in the news.

03:21:05.000 Isn't it crazy that three years, things changed so much?

03:21:08.000 Wild.

03:21:09.000 Things were changing and then the pandemic hit and it just accelerated everything.

03:21:13.000 You just poured gasoline on all of it.

03:21:15.000 Yeah, like exponentially.

03:21:16.000 I was thinking about this yesterday.

03:21:20.000 Is there anything in the thought of, like, we're saving all this time now, right?

03:21:27.000 Like, what are we doing with all this time we saved?

03:21:29.000 So it used to be like you would go to the grocery store, that would take an hour.

03:21:31.000 You would go to the pharmacy, it would take an hour.

03:21:33.000 You would go to Walgreens, it would take an hour.

03:21:34.000 But we don't have to run those errands anymore.

03:21:39.000 What do we do with all that time that we've saved, right?

03:21:42.000 What time are you saving?

03:21:43.000 Now we just do Amazon Instacart or just order everything on Amazon.

03:21:48.000 But you still go to a grocery store, right?

03:21:50.000 I still go to a grocery store, but my prescription gets mailed to me.

03:21:54.000 It used to be like, I need highlighters.

03:21:56.000 It's going to take an hour by the time I go to Walgreens to get home. 0.99

03:21:59.000 If you want to find out where that time's going, look at your fucking screen time. 0.99

03:22:03.000 I think that's what started happening. 0.99

03:22:04.000 We now have more time on our hands and we have more time to just be like, you know what? 1.00

03:22:07.000 Fuck Chris Hemsworth. 1.00

03:22:09.000 You know what I mean? 1.00

03:22:10.000 Yeah, you're just staring at your phone.

03:22:12.000 We used to just be busier.

03:22:13.000 We used to be like, I gotta go do this.

03:22:14.000 I don't have time to hate this person that's done something.

03:22:19.000 Well, also you didn't have a portal to hate through.

03:22:21.000 That's true.

03:22:22.000 Yeah, you give people a rock and there's a window.

03:22:25.000 They're gonna throw that rock.

03:22:26.000 And you didn't always find people somewhere that would corroborate.

03:22:30.000 Yes. 1.00

03:22:31.000 That would go, yeah, fuck Chris Hemsworth. 0.99

03:22:35.000 It's amazing to me that, like, I'm big on when someone agrees with me about something, I want to know who they are. 0.99

03:22:40.000 You know what I mean? 0.98

03:22:41.000 Like, am I fucked? 1.00

03:22:44.000 Are the Nazis on my side? 1.00

03:22:45.000 That's what it is!

03:22:46.000 Because when people, yeah, I got 50 likes, I'm like, it's not the The quantity of, like, the quality.

03:22:51.000 Right.

03:22:51.000 Who's liking you?

03:22:52.000 Who are these people that like you?

03:22:54.000 Don't you want to know? 1.00

03:22:55.000 It's like high-fiving with a bunch of fucking homeless people. 0.99

03:22:58.000 It's like, yeah, like, don't you want to... 1.00

03:23:00.000 What else do they like?

03:23:02.000 Yeah, don't you want to kind of know?

03:23:03.000 So that's a tricky thing, too.

03:23:05.000 It's all these, like, faceless, just kind of...

03:23:07.000 We project that everyone that likes us are, like, Yale graduates.

03:23:11.000 That's what we would like. 1.00

03:23:12.000 That's the narcissist's dream that everybody who likes you is amazing and everybody who likes everybody else is an asshole and a moron. 1.00

03:23:19.000 If you watch someone generalize about the kind of people that like someone that they don't like, I guarantee you that person has some serious narcissistic tendencies. 1.00

03:23:32.000 It's so wild to me because I grew up in a house that was like, yes, definitely had rough spots, but my dad was, like, brilliant.

03:23:41.000 And his whole thing with me was I think that he didn't really know how to attune to having a daughter.

03:23:46.000 Like, it was, like, a little awkward in a way.

03:23:49.000 But I think he was trying to prepare me for the world and make me, like, smart enough to deal with the adversity that he, like, felt like was coming because he didn't feel like he could arm me physically, you know?

03:23:59.000 And he always said he was like the sign of an intelligent person is someone who can argue the other side.

03:24:06.000 You don't have to believe it.

03:24:07.000 Yeah.

03:24:07.000 But if you can't argue it, it means your ego is involved and you can't possibly be rational and you can't possibly be intelligent.

03:24:13.000 That's such good advice.

03:24:15.000 That's brilliant advice.

03:24:16.000 I always try to look at other people's perspectives.

03:24:19.000 It's hard to do sometimes, especially if that person doesn't like you or they don't like what you like or they're ideologically opposed to what you like.

03:24:29.000 Unless someone's molesting kids or whatever.

03:24:32.000 You don't have to get into it.

03:24:35.000 I, even though sometimes, just like to go, well, hurt people hurt people.

03:24:37.000 And if you molest, that means you were molested and there's a cycle to break.

03:24:41.000 You can even go that far if you need to. 0.99

03:24:44.000 But yeah, he always told me, if you can't argue the other side, then you have no idea what the fuck you believe.

03:24:51.000 You know, and that was always something that so before I ever disagree with anyone, I'm like, first, let me defend their argument. 0.81

03:24:56.000 And then I can start to figure out what mine is.

03:24:59.000 And I steal manning.

03:25:00.000 There's a great podcast called Intelligence Squared.

03:25:04.000 I don't know if it's still around, but it's just debates.

03:25:07.000 It's just, like, smart-ass people debating, and then the audience, I think, at the end, like, votes who's right.

03:25:12.000 But it's, like, it's so hard to find places where you'll see people that are respectfully disagreeing with each other.

03:25:19.000 You do it.

03:25:21.000 Respectfully.

03:25:21.000 Because there's another thing that really bothers me, which is not about just disagreeing with someone.

03:25:26.000 That's fine.

03:25:27.000 Even if you're wrong.

03:25:28.000 Who cares?

03:25:29.000 I don't care how much you disagree with someone. 0.98

03:25:33.000 To just call them trash or garbage, that's just disrespect. 0.96

03:25:39.000 There's a disrespectful way of talking. 0.96

03:25:42.000 And my dad also always taught me that the way that you're presenting your argument is so much more important than what your argument is. 1.00

03:25:48.000 And if you're just going to go, you're trash. 0.99

03:25:50.000 You're dismissive. 1.00

03:25:50.000 It's like you're disrespecting yourself by talking that way. 1.00

03:25:54.000 Yeah, you're letting everybody know that you're a fool. 1.00

03:25:56.000 Yeah. 1.00

03:25:56.000 And if someone is, you know, an officer, I just come from a place where you, even if you disagree with someone and think they're a bad person, you're fucking garbage. 1.00

03:26:04.000 Like, make an argument. 1.00

03:26:06.000 Like, what are you saying?

03:26:07.000 What's your argument?

03:26:09.000 It's just an easy way for people to get out of being intelligent and get out of, like, having to form a rational debate, having to form a rational argument against whatever that person's point is, just ad hominem attack them.

03:26:22.000 It's like, yeah, sloppiness really bothers me.

03:26:26.000 Sloppy.

03:26:26.000 It's sloppy, and it's, yeah.

03:26:28.000 And my dad used to always say, like, what?

03:26:31.000 Like, I want to go out with my friends.

03:26:33.000 Tell me, give me three arguments why you should stay out past midnight.

03:26:35.000 And I would have to tell him, and you can't.

03:26:37.000 You can't make three arguments.

03:26:38.000 You can't.

03:26:39.000 So he knew what he was doing, you know. 1.00

03:26:40.000 That's where all the good dick is. 0.99

03:26:42.000 Yeah. 1.00

03:26:43.000 How else am I going to get that fentanyl in my pussy? 1.00

03:26:46.000 The coke dealer doesn't get off work until 11.50. 1.00

03:26:49.000 Yes, exactly.

03:26:52.000 His wife doesn't fall asleep until 11.30.

03:26:56.000 I've got to get out of here, Whitney.

03:26:57.000 It's already 5 o'clock.

03:26:59.000 That's wild.

03:27:00.000 I love you.

03:27:00.000 Thank you.

03:27:01.000 I love you, too.

03:27:02.000 Your show, Jokes, is on Netflix, available right now.

03:27:07.000 Tell everybody where everything else is.

03:27:08.000 It's just on Netflix, Godspeed and finding it.

03:27:12.000 And then, yeah, my podcast on YouTube, Spotify, all the things.

03:27:16.000 And that's it.

03:27:18.000 Look at my old tweets.

03:27:19.000 They're problematic.

03:27:21.000 Bye, everybody.

The Joe Rogan Experience - July 29, 2022

Joe Rogan Experience #1850 - Whitney Cummings

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