The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #187 - Daniele Bolelli

00:00:01.000 Oh, you dirty bitches. 1.00

00:00:03.000 We're live. 1.00

00:00:04.000 This is a woman playing in the background. 0.55

00:00:06.000 It's a band called Honey Honey.

00:00:07.000 And the song's called The Angel of Death.

00:00:12.000 I'm in love with this chick's voice. 1.00

00:00:13.000 I heard this like an hour ago.

00:00:15.000 Somebody posted it on my message board, and then I just listened to it.

00:00:18.000 And I've listened to it like ten times. 1.00

00:00:20.000 I'm such a bitch. 1.00

00:00:22.000 I'm such a bitch for like a hot girl's voice. 1.00

00:00:25.000 Like a girl with a beautiful voice, man. 1.00

00:00:28.000 There's like a weird harmony that it connects to inside your cells.

00:00:34.000 You know?

00:00:35.000 I don't think...

00:00:36.000 I bet women won't understand it. 1.00

00:00:38.000 You know...

00:00:39.000 I don't even know...

00:00:41.000 I don't even think this chick knows what she's doing. 1.00

00:00:42.000 She knows how to do it, though.

00:00:44.000 But the impact that it has on the male... 0.58

00:00:47.000 Astounding!

00:00:49.000 The Joe Rogan Experience Podcast is brought to you by The Fleshlight.

00:00:53.000 If you go to JoeRogan.net and click on the link for The Fleshlight and enter in the code name ROGAN, you'll get 15% off number one sex toy format.

00:01:00.000 There's no other way to say that.

00:01:01.000 You gotta come up with a better way, Brian.

00:01:03.000 You gotta come up with something creative.

00:01:05.000 Speaking of which, your fans have been...

00:01:07.000 Yeah, they've been saying they'll have to get you one.

00:01:08.000 Do you want one?

00:01:09.000 I'm missing out on life otherwise.

00:01:11.000 If you want one, dude, I got one for you.

00:01:13.000 They just sent me a big box of them.

00:01:15.000 And I brought one for a studio fleshlight that lasted less than 24 hours.

00:01:19.000 I brought it here and I was just going to use it.

00:01:21.000 Just show it.

00:01:22.000 Just in case people ask about flashlight.

00:01:24.000 Because everyone always asks about, hey, what's this flashlight?

00:01:26.000 And so I had it for less than 24 hours.

00:01:28.000 And I was like, dude, please, can I have one?

00:01:31.000 So C stole your flashlight?

00:01:33.000 I gave it to him.

00:01:34.000 You gave it to him. 1.00

00:01:35.000 He's fucking it right now, probably. 1.00

00:01:36.000 Yeah, I gave him the black model one, too. 1.00

00:01:39.000 Nice.

00:01:40.000 Well, look man, it works.

00:01:41.000 Solid product.

00:01:42.000 We wouldn't endorse it unless it was good.

00:01:44.000 It's a funny thing to get behind. 0.95

00:01:46.000 People find it very offensive and pathetic and juvenile. 0.93

00:01:50.000 Why? 0.95

00:01:51.000 I'm not sure, but I like it. 1.00

00:01:53.000 I like the fact that people are bothered by it and it's so stupid. 1.00

00:01:56.000 It just highlights how fucking ridiculous we are. 1.00

00:01:59.000 Completely ridiculous. 1.00

00:02:00.000 That we would care at all about pleasure. 0.99

00:02:03.000 That we care at all about a device that's really good at extracting sperm.

00:02:07.000 That's all it is, you know? 1.00

00:02:09.000 What's your fucking problem, people? 0.99

00:02:11.000 We're also brought to you by Onnit.com. 1.00

00:02:13.000 O-N-N-I-T. Makers of Alpha Brain. 1.00

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00:02:19.000 I didn't take mine today. 0.99

00:02:20.000 I hope I don't sound stupid. 0.98

00:02:21.000 I got some right here if you want some. 0.99

00:02:22.000 Dude, hook a brother up. 0.95

00:02:24.000 I would say a nigga, but I'm not that confident. 1.00

00:02:29.000 Beautiful. 0.93

00:02:31.000 If you go to onnit.com, O-N-N-I-T, all of this will be explained. 0.93

00:02:35.000 What it is is essentially nutrients for your mind.

00:02:39.000 It's not going to make you a genius if you're a retard, but it's going to enhance the way your brain works. 1.00

00:02:45.000 It gives you a feeling of mental clarity and energy.

00:02:51.000 There's a lot of people that don't understand nootropics or they don't know what nootropics are.

00:02:56.000 I suggest you just Google it.

00:02:57.000 It's N-O-O, nootropics.

00:02:59.000 And it's all about vitamins and nutrients that help your brain function at a good level.

00:03:06.000 And there's plenty of studies that have been done on this, and you should research it before you buy any of this stuff.

00:03:11.000 Also, I want to say that if you see Onnit's products and you want to try it, You're not sure if it's going to work for you.

00:03:18.000 You don't know.

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00:03:28.000 If you try it and you don't feel like it has any effect on you, then send the pills back.

00:03:33.000 Or excuse me, don't even send the pills back. 1.00

00:03:35.000 You have to do shit. 1.00

00:03:36.000 You just get your money back. 0.99

00:03:38.000 It used to be as many as people ordered, but unfortunately a bunch of people decided to just buy a bunch of it, get all their money back, and then sell it on eBay.

00:03:46.000 That old story.

00:03:47.000 It's not even a story, it's a fable now.

00:03:49.000 It's a true story.

00:03:50.000 It's a true story, though.

00:03:51.000 I've said it so many times, that's the problem, but it is always ultimately true.

00:03:55.000 It's a fairy tale.

00:03:55.000 You think so?

00:03:56.000 Yeah, now it's a fairy tale.

00:03:57.000 Is there trolls in it?

00:03:59.000 I've said it too many times.

00:04:00.000 It's become not real anymore.

00:04:02.000 Yeah, you're right.

00:04:03.000 It does.

00:04:04.000 And it changes a little bit every time.

00:04:06.000 Well, they did.

00:04:07.000 They bought a bunch of them.

00:04:08.000 They bought like nine orders and they sold them on eBay.

00:04:10.000 That's the story.

00:04:12.000 That's all I know, though, dude.

00:04:13.000 I don't know.

00:04:13.000 Next week, it's going to be Amazon Marketplace.

00:04:15.000 Dude, I didn't make this up, man. 1.00

00:04:17.000 Don't be an asshole. 1.00

00:04:18.000 Let's try to do a little commercial here. 1.00

00:04:20.000 You're not helping Brian.

00:04:22.000 No.

00:04:22.000 We're also, we make Shroom Tech Sport, which is a cordyceps mushrooms supplement.

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00:04:38.000 It really helps you push, you know, like into points where you would ordinarily be fatigued.

00:04:44.000 Yeah, I wouldn't suggest any of this if you're not someone who works out, though.

00:04:48.000 There's also Shroom Tech Immune.

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00:04:56.000 That's O-N-N-I-T. And there's also an enhanced science of alpha brain where we've updated due to some criticisms.

00:05:08.000 Updated, we hired a science advisor and updated the way everything is described and Everyone's trying to be as above board and cool as this is possible.

00:05:17.000 So that's what it is.

00:05:18.000 If you're fascinated by nootropics, go to onnit.com, O-N-N-I-T, enter in codenamed Rogan, and you get 10% off.

00:05:25.000 Not just the first order either.

00:05:26.000 Now it's as many orders as you want. 1.00

00:05:28.000 We fixed that shit. 0.99

00:05:29.000 All right? 1.00

00:05:30.000 Powerful.

00:05:31.000 Danielle Ibole is in the house.

00:05:33.000 What is it?

00:05:34.000 Experience.

00:05:35.000 Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day.

00:05:43.000 Brian, you're like a 12-year-old DJ. That's like the kind of sound effects I would be really into if I was a DJ and I was 12. Yeah, or it sounds like a sports broadcast, you know, like, this week on NBC Sports!

00:05:58.000 Yeah!

00:05:59.000 A lot of those sports guys are hard to handle.

00:06:02.000 Yeah, they're intense. 1.00

00:06:03.000 Yeah, there's a special breed of guys that, like, shit on athletes. 0.95

00:06:08.000 You know, there's, like, some of them that are just sports broadcasters, but some of those dudes, like, they do them and they're, like... 1.00

00:06:13.000 He's a bomb.

00:06:14.000 He's always been a bomb.

00:06:16.000 He'll never get off the bench.

00:06:17.000 And you're like, whoa.

00:06:18.000 You're talking about a professional athlete there, son. 0.99

00:06:21.000 You better settle the fuck down, man. 0.99

00:06:23.000 You're getting a little crazy with your insults there. 1.00

00:06:25.000 You fat guy in front of a microphone. 1.00

00:06:27.000 How dare you? 1.00

00:06:28.000 I don't like that insult shit. 1.00

00:06:30.000 Right, Daniele Bolelli? 0.99

00:06:31.000 My friend. 1.00

00:06:33.000 Step in the ring or shut up. 0.96

00:06:35.000 Exactly.

00:06:36.000 So, brother, you are a scholar of religious history, right?

00:06:42.000 I mean, you are essentially...

00:06:44.000 Why not?

00:06:45.000 Yeah, I mean, that's the best way to describe it.

00:06:46.000 You're actually a professor on it.

00:06:48.000 How do you think...

00:06:51.000 That it is that we live in 2012 and we have this incredible depth of religion that's still controlling our lives.

00:07:04.000 How is it possible that something that seems so, like, it seems so, if you're rationally looking at it, you would go, okay, maybe there's some truth behind any of this.

00:07:15.000 Maybe.

00:07:15.000 Maybe there's some truth behind the origins of the creation of the universe.

00:07:18.000 But clearly this shit has been written by people. 0.99

00:07:22.000 And we're gonna base our lives on this? 1.00

00:07:24.000 This is fucking bananas. 0.99

00:07:26.000 People, when they say base our lives, most people say they do, but then, of course, when it's convenient. 0.99

00:07:33.000 When it's not, it's like, let's conveniently forget a couple of passages.

00:07:37.000 But aren't those the safest ones?

00:07:40.000 The ones that stick to the code, those are the most dangerous.

00:07:44.000 The ones that want to throw rocks at you when you're dancing.

00:07:46.000 A Christian girl that sluts around every now and then, that's way better than someone who completely sticks to the code. 1.00

00:07:54.000 Yeah.

00:07:54.000 No, but I mean, some of the things are because they boil down to eternal type of questions that no one has an answer to, you know?

00:08:01.000 And so the fact is unless, you know, people always say, oh, screw religion.

00:08:05.000 In that case, we go for science and reason and we need to be rational.

00:08:09.000 And don't get me wrong.

00:08:10.000 I mean, reason is a great tool, but if it doesn't give you answers to the things that scare the hell out of people, people are going to want some answers, whether they're bullshit answers or not, doesn't matter. 0.75

00:08:20.000 It's like, give me some answers because otherwise it's too damn scary.

00:08:22.000 Is religion then a tool to allow people to psychologically adapt to the next stage of evolution?

00:08:30.000 Like a placeholder?

00:08:32.000 Yeah, I think it's what people need to deal with, the fact that they can't deal with uncertainty.

00:08:37.000 Is it possible at all that any of it is based on reality?

00:08:41.000 It sounds ridiculous, but so does the universe itself. 0.98

00:08:45.000 The universe itself is pretty ridiculous. 0.99

00:08:48.000 The Big Bang is pretty ridiculous. 0.99

00:08:49.000 I don't claim to know shit, so who knows what's up there? 0.99

00:08:53.000 I don't believe or disbelieve anything. 0.92

00:08:55.000 My attitude is there's what I've experienced and there's everything else.

00:08:59.000 What I've experienced, I kind of know, and everything else.

00:09:03.000 Who the hell knows?

00:09:04.000 It pisses me off when people assume that stuff that they themselves haven't experienced. 0.73

00:09:09.000 They read it somewhere.

00:09:10.000 That's the ultimate truth and everybody needs to believe that. 0.96

00:09:14.000 What the hell?

00:09:15.000 Why? 0.98

00:09:15.000 How nuts would it be if you died and you really were at a gate in the clouds? 0.98

00:09:21.000 How psychedelic would that be?

00:09:23.000 If you really did have a dude, St. Peter, who's like the FBI, who's just been following your life since you were a baby, and he's like going over a day, why'd you do this?

00:09:32.000 And why'd you do that? 0.96

00:09:33.000 Like, fucking really? 0.99

00:09:35.000 Really? 1.00

00:09:36.000 That would be a silly dress. 0.92

00:09:38.000 Can you imagine? 0.93

00:09:39.000 Does that really stand for something, though?

00:09:42.000 I wonder if that ideal, this ideal of having to live a karma-free life and having to have done only good things, only be pure, and then you get to a moment.

00:09:57.000 Are they envisioning a moment of ultimate enlightenment?

00:10:02.000 I mean, what is the idea of the heaven?

00:10:06.000 Like, where is it coming from?

00:10:07.000 Is it coming from the need for the next level?

00:10:10.000 Like, what would be the best possible scenario?

00:10:14.000 The best possible scenario is all loved ones would be in the clouds forever and ever. 0.99

00:10:18.000 But really, how fucking long would that last before you're bored as fuck? 0.99

00:10:23.000 Could you imagine if that's heaven? 0.99

00:10:25.000 You're just hanging out in the clouds?

00:10:27.000 Right.

00:10:27.000 You can't drive anywhere.

00:10:28.000 You can't go to the movies.

00:10:31.000 Everybody's up together in heaven. 1.00

00:10:33.000 What the fuck is that? 1.00

00:10:34.000 That's ridiculous. 1.00

00:10:36.000 No flashlight. 0.59

00:10:37.000 We all have wings now, so we just fly around up here.

00:10:40.000 What do we do after a while?

00:10:41.000 You get bored.

00:10:42.000 Where are you getting your food?

00:10:43.000 You're in the clouds. 1.00

00:10:45.000 Are you eating fucking cloud fish? 1.00

00:10:46.000 What are you doing? 1.00

00:10:47.000 Where are you getting your food? 0.99

00:10:49.000 This is ridiculous. 0.98

00:10:50.000 We don't need food anymore? 0.99

00:10:51.000 Oh my god, what is there to live for?

00:10:53.000 That would be my question.

00:10:54.000 Are there flashlights in heaven? 1.00

00:10:56.000 Can you fuck in heaven? 1.00

00:10:57.000 How about that? 1.00

00:10:57.000 How about that question? 1.00

00:10:59.000 You know? 1.00

00:11:00.000 Can you fuck in heaven? 1.00

00:11:01.000 If there was heaven, would you be light upside down? 1.00

00:11:02.000 What if it was just like a smokier place?

00:11:05.000 The whole thing was just smokier.

00:11:06.000 You know, like you're just in a lot of smoke, you know, all the time.

00:11:09.000 So, like, you can have full relationships, you can get girls pregnant, you can still get a driver's license, but everything's just really smoky.

00:11:16.000 Yeah, that makes sense, Brian. 1.00

00:11:18.000 What the fuck are you talking about? 1.00

00:11:19.000 Because you're in heaven. 1.00

00:11:20.000 It's all cloudy.

00:11:21.000 It's like super clouds.

00:11:23.000 So it's like real life, but Seattle-like.

00:11:25.000 Maybe it's Seattle.

00:11:26.000 Maybe heaven is Seattle.

00:11:27.000 Exactly. 0.99

00:11:30.000 Oh, it sucks. 1.00

00:11:31.000 Could you fucking imagine? 1.00

00:11:32.000 Hell is Vegas? 1.00

00:11:33.000 Vegas versus Seattle?

00:11:34.000 I'm definitely going to Vegas.

00:11:36.000 Oh, wow.

00:11:37.000 It's raining again.

00:11:38.000 Vegas isn't hell.

00:11:39.000 Vegas is some sort of purgatory.

00:11:41.000 No, that's definitely hell.

00:11:42.000 No.

00:11:43.000 That's like in their state motto.

00:11:45.000 It's hell.

00:11:47.000 It's Vegas.

00:11:48.000 Hi.

00:11:49.000 We're hell.

00:11:50.000 Exactly.

00:11:50.000 I think it is.

00:11:52.000 Well, you know what?

00:11:52.000 There's something about human behavior, man, when you get them in that frying pan.

00:11:57.000 A frying pan that is Las Vegas, you know?

00:12:00.000 I hate it now.

00:12:01.000 I just don't even want to go there. 0.99

00:12:02.000 I just went two days ago, and Jesus, just the drive there, I was like, fuck, I forgot how bad it is. 0.99

00:12:08.000 Yeah, but it's fun too, man. 0.99

00:12:10.000 It is.

00:12:11.000 It's the best place to go see fights. 0.83

00:12:13.000 It's like no other place.

00:12:14.000 You know what it's like?

00:12:15.000 It's going to the best club, like a bar, one night, and then you're hanging out there for a couple days.

00:12:20.000 Yeah.

00:12:21.000 It's a weird town.

00:12:23.000 I like Vegas.

00:12:24.000 There's a lot of things I like about it.

00:12:25.000 There's plenty of cool people in Vegas. 0.99

00:12:28.000 The reality is, when you get people and you just let them go free like that, you give them 24-hour free reign, go drink, and you just wind up doing ridiculous shit. 0.98

00:12:40.000 Funny though, because you see these people that are going all wild, doing all this crazy shit, and you know that they are the ones who are at 9am at work, in suit and tie, and you're like, this is the carnival for the slave, you know? 0.99

00:12:52.000 I know, it must be a fucking grind to try to go back to work after a weekend of that. 0.97

00:12:58.000 But people who live there, man, they must get an extraordinary view of humanity. 0.98

00:13:03.000 They would be like great psychologists.

00:13:07.000 People who live in Vegas, they probably understand a lot about people.

00:13:10.000 If you work at a casino, say if you're like some dude, you could be like a guy who's like a real crafty dude who lives in Vegas could really describe humanity in a very unusual level.

00:13:21.000 Probably.

00:13:22.000 No innovation.

00:13:22.000 Just see them at their own estate.

00:13:24.000 Just the idea that you would get people and allow them to drink all hours of the night.

00:13:30.000 They can drink whenever they want.

00:13:31.000 Nobody ever tells you to stop drinking. 0.99

00:13:33.000 It's so ridiculous. 0.73

00:13:35.000 Drinks are there. 0.98

00:13:36.000 You need a drink?

00:13:37.000 You're like, why?

00:13:37.000 You can still drink?

00:13:38.000 This is crazy.

00:13:39.000 It's just that alone is nuts. 1.00

00:13:43.000 No one's used to that shit. 1.00

00:13:45.000 That's a weird thing. 1.00

00:13:46.000 Alcohol removes inhibition. 0.99

00:13:50.000 That alone is what makes Vegas fucking completely insane. 0.99

00:13:53.000 You wanted freedom? 0.99

00:13:54.000 Here you go.

00:13:54.000 You got it.

00:13:55.000 Let's see how it goes.

00:13:57.000 This time was the first time that I actually was anywhere other than on the street.

00:14:01.000 I was like, whoa, there are actually people living here.

00:14:03.000 This is weird.

00:14:04.000 I thought it was just an adult Disneyland or something.

00:14:06.000 I love it, though.

00:14:07.000 I love the fact that there's a place like that.

00:14:09.000 I love the fact that there's a place where people can gamble.

00:14:12.000 I don't even gamble, but I love that you could just go gamble at 3 o'clock in the morning.

00:14:16.000 I don't do it, but if I was into it, I would love the fact that I could just do that.

00:14:20.000 I hate the fact that you have to go somewhere for something like that.

00:14:25.000 We restrict that sort of behavior everywhere else.

00:14:29.000 That, speaking of religion, is one of the things that pisses me off the most. 0.96

00:14:33.000 Because, I mean, people being religious, I have nothing against it.

00:14:36.000 If it helps you being nicer to your neighbors or whatever, good for you.

00:14:40.000 The stuff that Piss me off to no end is when they want to impose their own morality on you.

00:14:46.000 And so the victimless crimes law, you know, no gambling, no prostitution, no drugs, no...

00:14:53.000 But is there a positive message in trying to control some vices?

00:14:58.000 I mean, is there...

00:14:59.000 Is there anything you could say as far as social engineering?

00:15:02.000 Like, man, if you wanted to have a really safe environment, would you make prostitution illegal?

00:15:07.000 Would you make drugs illegal?

00:15:08.000 Would you try to suppress it?

00:15:11.000 Or do you think the safer thing would be to just decriminalize it and let people figure it out for themselves?

00:15:20.000 Yeah, I mean, I have a minimum of regulation, kind of like the way they have the...

00:15:23.000 Amsterdam or something.

00:15:24.000 Yeah, exactly, where you have some safety standards that are good for everybody involved.

00:15:29.000 You limit the damage that people can do to themselves and to others.

00:15:32.000 And other than that, hey, it's your choice.

00:15:34.000 You do what you want with your life.

00:15:35.000 Yeah, it's a weird thing, man, isn't it?

00:15:37.000 It's a weird thing.

00:15:39.000 Just the idea that you can control what other people do, but only to a certain extent.

00:15:43.000 Like, we don't say that we can control porn yet.

00:15:46.000 Although, there was a thing about Newt Gingrich and Mitt Romney and Rick Santorum.

00:15:52.000 All of them were going to go after porn.

00:15:54.000 Was that who it was?

00:15:55.000 It was at least two of those characters who were going to go after porn.

00:16:00.000 I think it was Gingrich and Santorum.

00:16:02.000 I don't think Romney.

00:16:02.000 Well, not that it makes much difference because those guys are different shades of grey.

00:16:07.000 They're so bizarre, man.

00:16:09.000 It's so weird. 0.51

00:16:10.000 The fact that anyone on earth could vote for Santorum scared the shit out of me.

00:16:15.000 A lot of people are voting for him.

00:16:16.000 They love this guy.

00:16:18.000 What do you think they're connecting to?

00:16:20.000 As a person who...

00:16:21.000 He's obviously...

00:16:23.000 The message, quite a bit of it, is religious.

00:16:26.000 Yeah, big time.

00:16:26.000 That kind of stuff, it boils down to...

00:16:30.000 Somebody who give you the image of what you would want to have.

00:16:33.000 We promote all the good guys will be rewarded.

00:16:37.000 All the bad guys will be punished.

00:16:39.000 We stand for morality.

00:16:40.000 We squash anything else.

00:16:42.000 And the thing that makes some of these people feel good is we'll squash everyone else who doesn't agree with living life the way we do.

00:16:50.000 So we can impose our happy dogma on everyone else. 1.00

00:16:53.000 Because that ultimately is the kind of shit that it stands for. 0.99

00:16:56.000 And it's, uh, people like it. 1.00

00:16:58.000 I mean, it's not just religion.

00:16:59.000 If you look even outside of religion, people voted for Hitler.

00:17:03.000 You know, it's not, wasn't just purely taking power.

00:17:05.000 People like Nazism. 0.94

00:17:06.000 People like the hardcore form of communism.

00:17:09.000 People like, they like certainties.

00:17:11.000 They like somebody who at least puts up a strong face and is like, I'll stand for all these values. 0.99

00:17:17.000 I'll clean up, you know, all that shit and simplify life. 0.98

00:17:20.000 That's scary to me. 0.99

00:17:22.000 Yeah.

00:17:22.000 It's really scary.

00:17:23.000 Yeah.

00:17:23.000 Big time.

00:17:25.000 Because, I mean, it's not real.

00:17:28.000 It's based on...

00:17:29.000 It's based on numbers.

00:17:30.000 Yeah.

00:17:31.000 Well, I mean, he must have a belief.

00:17:33.000 He must have a belief.

00:17:34.000 I mean, there's no way he could be talking this much if he doesn't have a belief.

00:17:38.000 But anybody who believes something that they can't really prove and believes it to a point where they're willing to base their lives on it like that...

00:17:47.000 Right.

00:17:49.000 And you want to just run the biggest nuclear arsenal in the world?

00:17:52.000 Really?

00:17:53.000 Look what you're banking on.

00:17:55.000 Look what corner you're in.

00:17:58.000 You're in the corner of fire and brimstone, for real? 0.98

00:18:01.000 You're in the corner of gays shouldn't be allowed to get married. 1.00

00:18:05.000 What are you doing in 2012? 1.00

00:18:07.000 Why do you give a fuck about what gay guys are doing, you weirdo? 1.00

00:18:10.000 What kind of weirdo gives a fuck about what some gay guys are doing? 1.00

00:18:14.000 Like, oh, we have to stop that. 1.00

00:18:16.000 Birth control is bad.

00:18:18.000 Yeah, birth control is bad. 1.00

00:18:19.000 It's fucking crazy. 0.99

00:18:21.000 It's like he's pulling us back into 1960. Yeah, but I mean, he's... 0.99

00:18:26.000 Birth control is awesome. 1.00

00:18:28.000 You can shoot loads into chicks and they don't get pregnant, you stupid fuck. 1.00

00:18:33.000 You fucking dummy. 1.00

00:18:35.000 You fucking dummy. 1.00

00:18:37.000 Have you ever tried the female condom on a girl? 1.00

00:18:40.000 Is that like a dental dam? 1.00

00:18:42.000 Yeah, it's like a dental dam, but you can just cum as much as you want. 1.00

00:18:45.000 It's amazing, but you have to change it because it's like a vagina diaper because it gets really full. 1.00

00:18:52.000 That image you just gave us is the best bar control ever. 0.99

00:18:56.000 Vagina diaper? 1.00

00:18:57.000 That just killed my wood, son. 0.93

00:18:59.000 Seriously.

00:19:00.000 Yeah, who's going to be all excited? 0.99

00:19:02.000 You like my vagina diaper? 1.00

00:19:03.000 It is. 1.00

00:19:05.000 Guys will still fuck you if you have a vagina diaper. 1.00

00:19:07.000 We don't care. 1.00

00:19:08.000 We can get over that real quick.

00:19:09.000 You know, for a woman, that would be a deal breaker. 1.00

00:19:13.000 You know, you pull off a diaper.

00:19:15.000 Bunch of goobers in a bag. 1.00

00:19:16.000 If a girl, like, had a diaper on, she had shit all over it, and she was really hot, and you had a bunch of napkins and, you know, some hot towels and what, you would clean her ass and then fuck her. 1.00

00:19:25.000 Fuck yeah. 1.00

00:19:25.000 Yeah, it wouldn't even bother you really hardly. 1.00

00:19:27.000 Be like a little baby. 0.96

00:19:28.000 You know, like, whatever.

00:19:28.000 You just gotta deal with it.

00:19:29.000 Wipe her ass clean. 1.00

00:19:30.000 Baby with big tits. 1.00

00:19:31.000 Yeah, I mean, but for a girl, if a guy had, like, shit smeared over his balls and dick and his pubic hair, she'd be like, that's it! 1.00

00:19:38.000 It's over! 1.00

00:19:40.000 Women don't want it nearly as much as we do. 1.00

00:19:43.000 I agree. 1.00

00:19:43.000 We'll clean shit. 1.00

00:19:44.000 We will clean your shitty ass. 1.00

00:19:47.000 For real, right? 1.00

00:19:48.000 That's also a conversation.

00:19:50.000 I'm glad we started.

00:19:51.000 It's true.

00:19:51.000 I don't know why.

00:19:54.000 We're freakier, right?

00:19:56.000 Is that in the Bible?

00:19:57.000 Yeah.

00:19:58.000 Do you think that the Bible was initially created just to try to keep people in line?

00:20:03.000 Do you think it was created like, look, these are some stories, this is some lessons that we've learned, and then it just kind of like got out of control?

00:20:11.000 I think it goes both ways.

00:20:13.000 Sometimes you use it as a tool to control people's behavior if you feel that they are too fucked up, but also it's an internal thing. 0.99

00:20:20.000 I think it's not just, I know this is bullshit, but I'm gonna feed it to them just so I keep the crazies in line. 0.98

00:20:25.000 I also think that some of the people themselves who start some of these things feel it, need it, they desperately need it to the point where They will, they are going to be the first one to stick their own lives on it. 0.98

00:20:37.000 And that's, I guess, the Santorum thing.

00:20:38.000 You know, you want to live that way. 0.99

00:20:40.000 I mean, I think you're nuts, but whatever. 0.98

00:20:42.000 It's your life. 0.99

00:20:43.000 You should be free to do whatever you want.

00:20:45.000 When you want to impose it on everyone else, that's when you piss me off.

00:20:48.000 That's when it gets scary.

00:20:49.000 Yeah.

00:20:50.000 Well, it's just bizarre to me.

00:20:51.000 Anybody who really absolutely believes something that much is bizarre to me, man.

00:20:55.000 Like, why do you believe it?

00:20:56.000 Where are you seeing this?

00:20:58.000 You really believe that book?

00:20:59.000 Is that what's going on, man?

00:21:00.000 That seems crazy.

00:21:02.000 Right.

00:21:03.000 That you're banking it all on one book.

00:21:05.000 There's a lot of books, man.

00:21:06.000 Don't read. 1.00

00:21:07.000 A lot of shit has been written, you know? 1.00

00:21:09.000 And really, the shit that's the weirdest is the oldest. 1.00

00:21:12.000 That's nonsense. 0.99

00:21:13.000 We need like a new behavior standard guide for humans.

00:21:17.000 That's what we need, instead of a Bible.

00:21:19.000 Just a behavior standard guide, so we can all get through this world.

00:21:22.000 Like, these are the rules that we agree to. 0.96

00:21:25.000 Instead of bestowed upon us by a higher power, Yeah, you definitely shouldn't do most of the shit the Bible tells you not to do. 0.98

00:21:33.000 Don't be killing anybody. 1.00

00:21:34.000 Don't fuck your neighbor's wife. 1.00

00:21:35.000 All that stuff. 1.00

00:21:36.000 That's all good.

00:21:37.000 Yeah, you really should.

00:21:39.000 Those are good.

00:21:39.000 But we need some more of those.

00:21:41.000 And we need like a comprehensive guide just based on what we all know to be right.

00:21:46.000 We all know.

00:21:48.000 I think this is the best time ever to do something like that because even though people are complaining that times are tough and unemployment is bad, and it certainly is, the economy is in a terrible position, but it's still better than any time in human history.

00:22:01.000 There's really been no better time as far as safety, as far as the access to get food and medicine. 0.76

00:22:09.000 If there's ever a time for us to get our shit together, like on paper, now is it. 0.55

00:22:16.000 Like together as like a group of humans, instead of bound by some crazy words that were written first in ancient Hebrew. 0.97

00:22:25.000 First of all, they were told as an oral tradition for like a thousand years first.

00:22:29.000 Yeah, it's not for 700 years.

00:22:31.000 God! 0.85

00:22:33.000 Can you imagine what the fuck happens to a story when you tell it for hundreds of years before somebody figures out how to write things? 0.98

00:22:40.000 Whoa! 0.97

00:22:41.000 That's disturbing to say the least.

00:22:43.000 That's nuts!

00:22:44.000 What do you think about those Dead Sea Scrolls?

00:22:46.000 Do you know much about that?

00:22:48.000 Yeah, I mean, it's one of those things.

00:22:49.000 There's what are the official scriptures of every religion are one tiny part of what used to be out there.

00:22:56.000 And then people, I mean, you get to the cases of Christianity where literally they get to vote on which books are sacred and come from God and which ones are not.

00:23:04.000 I mean, can you believe that?

00:23:05.000 It's like somebody sit around the table.

00:23:07.000 It's like today right now.

00:23:08.000 We pull out some book and go, okay, what do you think, Brian?

00:23:11.000 Is these gods or not?

00:23:12.000 Okay, next.

00:23:14.000 Let's try the other one.

00:23:14.000 How about this one?

00:23:16.000 It's really that arbitrary?

00:23:20.000 Really?

00:23:20.000 That's amazing!

00:23:22.000 How many books were left out?

00:23:24.000 Are those available?

00:23:25.000 Who knows, because a lot of that stuff got burned.

00:23:27.000 Are the indie books?

00:23:29.000 This is the indie bible.

00:23:31.000 A lot of these was, because it wasn't like, oh, we decide this is God's stuff, and so the other stuff, well, read it if you want. 0.66

00:23:37.000 No, it's like, we have to burn it, because it must be the devils, and so it must be terrible and horrible, and we need to squash any possible other alternative, and so let's burn them all. 0.65

00:23:45.000 Wow. 0.68

00:23:46.000 So when something else pops up that shows a different side to it that wasn't made a part of the official canon, then it makes everybody feel like, what the hell is going on?

00:23:55.000 So we can't base our life on this, or can we?

00:23:58.000 I mean, most people are going to ignore it anyway, because otherwise it messes with their categories, but that's basically the attitude.

00:24:06.000 What a weird time.

00:24:08.000 Think about the concept of faith, the stuff that's at the basis of Judaism, Christianity, Islam.

00:24:14.000 Think about the story that they all revere, they all think is a great idea. 0.99

00:24:18.000 God shows up, tells Abraham, I really think you should kill your son.

00:24:24.000 And they were like, well, I mean, I don't want to kill my son, but you know, if it's God speaking, well, in that case, sorry, boy, come on, you know, let's go. 0.99

00:24:31.000 He's about to kill him.

00:24:32.000 And then God sends an angel saying, no, no, no, wait, just kidding. 0.99

00:24:36.000 Just testing your fate.

00:24:37.000 You know, just checking you passed the test.

00:24:38.000 You did very well.

00:24:40.000 And now you'll be rewarded for it.

00:24:43.000 Last time I checked, when you hear these embodied voices telling you you should kill people, listening to that is now what should make you the guy who everybody looks up to and thinks, what a great example of fate. 0.96

00:24:55.000 What a crazy story. 1.00

00:24:57.000 God wants you to kill your baby. 1.00

00:25:00.000 What the fuck? 1.00

00:25:01.000 And you're gonna kill your baby for God and that was the right thing to do. 1.00

00:25:04.000 And God said he was just testing you. 1.00

00:25:06.000 Holy shit! 1.00

00:25:07.000 That's a sign that... 1.00

00:25:09.000 Good job.

00:25:09.000 You passed the test.

00:25:11.000 Is that Old Testament?

00:25:12.000 Yeah.

00:25:12.000 Old Testament is about as wonky as it gets, right?

00:25:15.000 But they said that the Dead Sea Scrolls were even wonkier.

00:25:19.000 There's a lot of Dead Sea Scrolls stuff that hasn't even been included.

00:25:22.000 That is the oldest written version, right?

00:25:24.000 Just because it's not part of the official canon doesn't mean that it's all good stuff.

00:25:31.000 It's easy to fall into the pattern of, oh, these evil bastards manipulated the things, put on these horrible things in the books, and so everything that got squashed must be good. 0.59

00:25:41.000 No, not really. 0.98

00:25:42.000 Some of the stuff that got squashed is probably even worse.

00:25:44.000 Who knows? 0.99

00:25:45.000 I love the fact that the Dead Sea Scrolls is always linked to crazy shit. 0.99

00:25:49.000 It's always UFOs and mushrooms. 0.99

00:25:52.000 It's like every wacky, crazy story is linked to the Dead Sea Scrolls.

00:25:58.000 Even the fact that they found them.

00:26:01.000 You know, one of the coolest things is the science of putting together the pieces because a lot of them are in leather.

00:26:08.000 And one of the ways they put together the pieces was they did genetic testing on them to find out which ones came from the same animal so they knew that it was a piece of one skin.

00:26:18.000 Incredible stuff, man.

00:26:20.000 That's amazing.

00:26:21.000 Amazing stuff.

00:26:22.000 It was really incredible. 0.99

00:26:23.000 And they're still putting that fucking thing together. 0.99

00:26:26.000 You know, people are still trying to decipher it. 0.99

00:26:28.000 Which probably over the last 2,000 years they found a bunch of those things, but you know, 500 years ago somebody would have looked at it and is like, hmm, you know, maybe I can start a fire with it or something.

00:26:39.000 Yeah, when you're starving and you have to cook the book, that's it, you cook the book, you know? 0.99

00:26:44.000 If you need something to light a fire, you're gonna fuck that book, light it on fire, we're gonna die tonight, you know? 1.00

00:26:50.000 Basically. 1.00

00:26:51.000 Yeah, fuck. 1.00

00:26:53.000 Yeah, how much stuff was lost in the burning of the Library of Alexandria? 1.00

00:26:57.000 South of this world.

00:26:58.000 I mean, you're talking about thousands and thousands of volumes.

00:27:00.000 It's pretty damn scary. 0.92

00:27:02.000 Yeah, it's amazing to think that human beings can be so fucking creative and then so destructive. 0.91

00:27:08.000 What people don't understand is there was some sort of incredibly advanced society that created ancient Egypt.

00:27:18.000 I mean, to this day, there's a bunch of puzzles when it comes to The immense construction, the fact that how much just actual mass was moved, just the size of some of these obelisks.

00:27:33.000 I mean, it really is incredible society, and they knew a lot of things.

00:27:38.000 And all of it was wiped out in a fire.

00:27:42.000 And I think it was like two fires.

00:27:43.000 I think there was two different times they were attacked. 1.00

00:27:46.000 Like, man, how much further would we be if we knew all that shit? 0.99

00:27:52.000 But it's the same kind of stuff that happened even in other places. 0.97

00:27:55.000 Because when the Spaniards came over out here, when they conquered the Aztecs, and the Aztecs were one of the indigenous people that had big libraries and had books and had written language and the whole thing, and the Spanish approach was like, well, Does this look like the Bible?

00:28:09.000 No.

00:28:10.000 Well, in that case, screw it. 0.99

00:28:11.000 We can burn it. 0.96

00:28:12.000 No. 0.81

00:28:12.000 They just burn it all. 0.81

00:28:14.000 Jesus Christ.

00:28:15.000 Okay, that's nice, but...

00:28:17.000 So if it wasn't the Bible, they just burned it?

00:28:19.000 Basically. 1.00

00:28:19.000 I mean, it's like, you guys are not Christians, so you must be devil worshippers, and as such, we should burn everything you've ever done, because it's all crap. 1.00

00:28:26.000 Did they burn any Mayan stuff? 0.99

00:28:29.000 Yeah, I mean, basically anything that was...

00:28:31.000 Mayans, Incans, anybody?

00:28:33.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:28:34.000 You know, they're still finding Mayan temples.

00:28:36.000 That fascinates me, man.

00:28:38.000 They said that there might be as many as a thousand unfound temples in South America.

00:28:43.000 That's crazy.

00:28:44.000 But then again, when you hike through the jungle out there sometime, you can see how that could be.

00:28:49.000 It could be there and you wouldn't see it.

00:28:51.000 It could be 10 feet away and it's so damn thick that you have no idea where they are. 0.98

00:28:55.000 What a fucking incredible culture that existed here. 0.98

00:28:58.000 What a bizarre, strange culture that made these... 1.00

00:29:03.000 These cities that were aligned to astronomical points, really amazing.

00:29:11.000 The way the sun would come up through some doorways, it was perfectly built.

00:29:16.000 It's incredible.

00:29:17.000 The stuff that they had figured out how to do, it's like, How did you do this?

00:29:21.000 This is amazing.

00:29:22.000 It's one of the pyramids, the bottom of the pyramid.

00:29:25.000 There's this gigantic stone head of a snake.

00:29:28.000 And it's like, where the hell is the body?

00:29:30.000 It's like, because that one day of the year when the sun rises, it eats the shade of the steps in such a way that it looks like the body's coming down the pyramid.

00:29:38.000 It's like, Can you imagine building that whole thing and then you have shitty weather?

00:29:43.000 That would really suck. 0.86

00:29:45.000 Yeah. 0.72

00:29:46.000 Just the calculations involved.

00:29:48.000 I mean, is it possible that some of them could be coincidental?

00:29:52.000 I guess the snake thing could be.

00:29:54.000 It's possible.

00:29:55.000 But there's so many of them.

00:29:57.000 There's one in the Temple of Luxor, I think it is, where the light comes down this corridor and illuminates this whole room on one day of the year.

00:30:05.000 No, I mean, these guys were awesome. 0.99

00:30:07.000 What the fuck, man? 0.99

00:30:09.000 It's incredible what they had figured out. 1.00

00:30:11.000 They had figured out some amazing shit, them and the Mayans. 0.99

00:30:13.000 Yeah. 0.97

00:30:14.000 It's like so much stuff was lost in the past.

00:30:17.000 Would have been so fascinating to really know how much knowledge really was around during the constructions of the pyramids.

00:30:26.000 What did they really know?

00:30:28.000 How much is lost in just the sand and erosion?

00:30:32.000 How much is gone in fire? 0.99

00:30:34.000 What the fuck did they really know? 0.98

00:30:36.000 I mean, if you get 99% of the human population today with modern technology and tell them, build a pyramid. 0.99

00:30:42.000 Yeah, of course.

00:30:44.000 Everybody makes it like it's no big deal.

00:30:46.000 Get out of here.

00:30:47.000 It's crazy. 1.00

00:30:48.000 If you were off by just a little bit anywhere, as I think it's the top, it's fucked. 0.99

00:30:54.000 It's amazing. 0.98

00:30:54.000 And they used to be covered in smooth limestone, too. 0.98

00:30:58.000 It used to be actually shiny.

00:30:59.000 And then there was a gold cap on the top of them. 0.96

00:31:02.000 Goddamn, that must have been magnificent. 0.96

00:31:04.000 Yeah, seriously. 0.92

00:31:05.000 And what happened if people don't know? 0.99

00:31:07.000 You ever look at the pyramids why they're so fucked up? 0.99

00:31:09.000 That's because people stole the limestone. 0.99

00:31:11.000 They chipped it off of those buildings. 0.99

00:31:14.000 Those gross, disgusting rat people chewed away at that beautiful construction. 0.99

00:31:21.000 One of the most amazing things a human being has ever created. 0.99

00:31:25.000 And they chewed away. 0.99

00:31:27.000 Just pulling chunks of beautiful stone off and building their shitty houses with it. 1.00

00:31:34.000 Fucking crooks. 1.00

00:31:36.000 Rat people. 1.00

00:31:38.000 So you're in a good mood today. 0.98

00:31:39.000 What kind of a human being would deface the pyramid? 0.79

00:31:41.000 There were rat people that did that. 0.99

00:31:44.000 Terrible human beings. 0.86

00:31:45.000 I mean, could you imagine, man? 1.00

00:31:47.000 What kind of a person would fucking chew up the pyramids and steal the stone? 1.00

00:31:50.000 Jesus Christ, go get your own limestone, bitch. 1.00

00:31:53.000 You know? 1.00

00:31:54.000 Can't you make a house out of wood?

00:31:56.000 Right?

00:31:57.000 Even the three pigs had options. 1.00

00:32:02.000 They knew some shit, though, huh? 1.00

00:32:04.000 That's a fact. 1.00

00:32:06.000 What kind of religions were around in ancient Egypt?

00:32:10.000 Like, what did they worship?

00:32:11.000 It was all like...

00:32:11.000 I mean, around there, you see the transition from tribal religions that tend to be more mellow, flexible, because they are not written down.

00:32:18.000 It's a relatively small society, so there's a lot more flexibility about the beliefs.

00:32:22.000 So they are generally mystic, shamanistic kind of beliefs.

00:32:25.000 But then when you turn them into a big society with, like, millions of people living in it, they become...

00:32:30.000 You still have a lot of the stresses of that stuff.

00:32:32.000 It's all about spirits and this and that.

00:32:34.000 But then they become much more rigid, official.

00:32:36.000 There's a clergy.

00:32:38.000 There's becomes a business.

00:32:39.000 There's the temple.

00:32:40.000 And you know, so it's kind of a more structured type of animism that in my mind kind of pretty much eliminates whatever is good about animism to begin with.

00:32:50.000 You tweeted a Robert E. Howard quote the other day.

00:32:53.000 Oh, yeah, yeah.

00:32:53.000 I love that guy.

00:32:54.000 Oh, me too, man.

00:32:56.000 When I was a kid, I was a huge...

00:32:58.000 What was the exact tweet?

00:32:59.000 It was a Conan quote, right?

00:33:00.000 Yeah, it was a Conan quote.

00:33:01.000 I forget what the hell it is.

00:33:02.000 But it's basically Conan going off...

00:33:04.000 Yeah, I find it because I don't butcher it otherwise.

00:33:06.000 Yeah.

00:33:08.000 It was...

00:33:11.000 Conan in, it was one of, I forget which book, but it's a famous quote. 0.99

00:33:16.000 Where the fuck is it? 0.99

00:33:17.000 I live, I burn with life, I love, I slay, and am content. 1.00

00:33:23.000 It's as good as it gets. 1.00

00:33:25.000 Women are like, that's so gay! 1.00

00:33:28.000 For a man, you know, the Sumerian culture, like, what a fucking crumb. 1.00

00:33:32.000 What a hard-ass god he was. 1.00

00:33:34.000 People don't know Robert E. Howard was this bad motherfucker. 0.99

00:33:37.000 He was an incredible author who created... 0.98

00:33:39.000 He created, what was it, Cole the Conqueror and Conan the Barbarian.

00:33:44.000 It was all these crazy fantasy books.

00:33:47.000 They were amazing. 0.97

00:33:48.000 They were fucking really fun to read. 0.88

00:33:51.000 When I was a kid, man, I became hooked on the Conan novels. 0.98

00:33:55.000 And he was a really nutty dude and wound up taking his own life, right?

00:34:01.000 Yeah, I don't know if he's true or not, but the legend tells it that he would say that at night he would get there to write and suddenly he would see the shadow behind him. 0.61

00:34:11.000 And he wouldn't turn, but you could tell that it was Conan carrying a giant axe ready to chop his head off unless he wrote all night.

00:34:19.000 And he would stay there and like sweat and write and write and write. 1.00

00:34:22.000 Holy shit. 0.99

00:34:23.000 And by morning he was gone. 1.00

00:34:24.000 And so he could finally pass out and sleep. 0.75

00:34:26.000 But he would get ready for the next night because Conan would be back ready to chop his head off. 0.94

00:34:30.000 Wow. 0.99

00:34:32.000 Conan was the coolest fucking character in any book ever written. 0.99

00:34:37.000 You know, the people like Conan the Barbarian with Arnold Schwarzenegger, that was pretty cool and everything like that. 0.97

00:34:42.000 But really, the real...

00:34:44.000 If someone ever figured out how to do the book justice and really put it together right...

00:34:50.000 Like the last one was kind of corny.

00:34:52.000 The dude was pretty badass.

00:34:53.000 Yeah, he was bad.

00:34:54.000 That dude was a good Conan.

00:34:55.000 He seemed to me like what Conan should look like.

00:34:58.000 No, it looked great, but the screenwriting was...

00:35:00.000 The screenwriting was bad, but he was good.

00:35:02.000 His fight scenes were great.

00:35:04.000 He looked like Conan.

00:35:05.000 You know, I think he... 0.98

00:35:06.000 People were hating because he's too fucking good looking. 0.98

00:35:09.000 That's what it is. 0.99

00:35:09.000 The dude is just way too good looking. 0.99

00:35:11.000 He makes dudes super uncomfortable.

00:35:13.000 But if you're not a hater...

00:35:15.000 I met the dude.

00:35:16.000 He was super cool.

00:35:17.000 And if you're not a hater, you go, look, man, he got lucky. 0.98

00:35:19.000 He was born 6'5", with a fucking perfect chiseled face. 1.00

00:35:23.000 You just gotta deal with that, bitch. 1.00

00:35:24.000 You gotta deal with that. 1.00

00:35:25.000 But guess what?

00:35:26.000 That's what Conan's supposed to look like. 1.00

00:35:28.000 That fucking guy's Conan. 1.00

00:35:29.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:35:30.000 They just need to do it right, man. 1.00

00:35:31.000 The fucking writing was all corny. 1.00

00:35:33.000 The ending was all corny. 1.00

00:35:34.000 What if Michael Bay did it?

00:35:37.000 Dude, yeah.

00:35:38.000 Something like that.

00:35:39.000 Swords blowing up, horses spinning around.

00:35:41.000 You know who would do it right?

00:35:43.000 Quentin Tarantino.

00:35:44.000 He's the only guy that would do it right. 0.98

00:35:46.000 Quentin Tarantino would fucking do it right. 1.00

00:35:48.000 He would dig into that bitch. 1.00

00:35:50.000 If you can get Quentin Tarantino to direct a Conan movie, God! 1.00

00:35:54.000 Damn, son! 0.99

00:35:55.000 That would be badass. 1.00

00:35:56.000 Holy shit, that would be good. 0.99

00:35:57.000 Could you imagine? 0.99

00:35:58.000 Get him to write it, too.

00:35:59.000 Get him to write the screenplay.

00:36:01.000 Put together one of the better books.

00:36:03.000 There were so many good books, too.

00:36:05.000 I gotta give you.

00:36:06.000 Having Tarantino would be a freaking dream.

00:36:08.000 But I have to say, I like Milius.

00:36:10.000 The original Conan.

00:36:12.000 Oh, that was good, too.

00:36:14.000 And I find it interesting that then he's the same guy who comes up with some of the concepts for UFC, you know, how the, uh, Gracie's had brought over.

00:36:21.000 Cause he was one of their students, you know, really this was one of the students of the Gracie's and he was the Gracie's.

00:36:27.000 They had, uh, Art Davy and they went Milius as kind of a creative, uh, director into the first UFC who started coming up with some of the ideas that then somebody else designed for the octagon and all of that.

00:36:38.000 And I'm like, I love that guy.

00:36:40.000 He created Conan the Barbarian and was at the beginning of UFC. That's incredible.

00:36:45.000 I didn't even know that.

00:36:46.000 That's interesting.

00:36:46.000 You have some UFC trivia that I didn't even know about.

00:36:49.000 I can go home satisfied now.

00:36:51.000 My work is done.

00:36:53.000 Rampage Jackson is mad at me.

00:36:55.000 Why?

00:36:56.000 I don't know.

00:36:56.000 It was an interview.

00:36:57.000 Oh, yeah.

00:36:58.000 I just read it.

00:36:59.000 I was watching. 1.00

00:37:00.000 He used to call me fake ass. 1.00

00:37:03.000 Oh, shit. 1.00

00:37:03.000 Really? 1.00

00:37:04.000 Yeah.

00:37:04.000 He was saying that all I wanted him to do is throw low kicks.

00:37:08.000 The reason he doesn't throw low kicks is because he's fighting a wrestler, you dumbass. 1.00

00:37:12.000 Look, man. 1.00

00:37:13.000 You know, I don't...

00:37:14.000 I love Rampage.

00:37:15.000 I don't mean to be rude when I assess things.

00:37:19.000 I'm just trying to objectively try to figure out how this guy could be doing better than he's doing.

00:37:25.000 When I look at a guy like Rampage, I'd look at a dude with... 0.99

00:37:28.000 He's fucking... 1.00

00:37:29.000 First of all... 1.00

00:37:30.000 One of the most exciting fighters of all time.

00:37:32.000 You go back to his fights in Pride, like the Ricardo Arona fight, or the Kevin Randleman knockout.

00:37:38.000 Remember that Randleman knockout? 0.99

00:37:39.000 God damn! 0.99

00:37:40.000 The slam on Arona. 1.00

00:37:42.000 I mean, he had a lot of great, great fucking fights in Pride. 0.99

00:37:46.000 You know, Rampage, I like him a lot. 0.98

00:37:49.000 I like him as a person.

00:37:50.000 I enjoyed hanging out with him.

00:37:52.000 I did a thing with him for the UFC once.

00:37:54.000 There was a show that we did.

00:37:56.000 I think it was called Ultimate...

00:37:58.000 Was it UFC Ultimate Insider or something?

00:38:01.000 Is that the one we're doing now?

00:38:02.000 I don't even remember the name of it.

00:38:04.000 It was on Spike. 0.99

00:38:06.000 Fuck, what was the name of it? 1.00

00:38:08.000 UFC... No. 1.00

00:38:09.000 UFC Unleashed is Michael Goldberg's.

00:38:11.000 What the hell was it called?

00:38:13.000 Any idea, Brian?

00:38:14.000 No.

00:38:16.000 Tea time at UFC. Whatever it was.

00:38:19.000 I don't remember what it was.

00:38:20.000 We drove around in his... 0.99

00:38:23.000 He has this giant monster truck with his face on the side of it and shit. 1.00

00:38:27.000 It's fucking awesome. 0.99

00:38:28.000 It's hilarious. 0.99

00:38:28.000 It's all lifted and shit. 0.99

00:38:29.000 We drove around and I even trained with him. 0.97

00:38:33.000 We went to the gym and trained.

00:38:34.000 We filmed everything.

00:38:35.000 We went and got chicken together.

00:38:37.000 Yeah, we went to Popeyes. 1.00

00:38:40.000 He's cool as fuck. 0.99

00:38:41.000 I like him. 0.96

00:38:41.000 I don't mean anything. 0.96

00:38:43.000 When I'm judging a fight, I'm not judging a fight, but when I'm doing commentary on a fight, All I'm trying to do is sort of objectively assess what I think someone could be doing differently to try to get themselves out of a spot if they're not winning.

00:39:00.000 I'm just trying to commentate.

00:39:02.000 I'm not critiquing the guy's soul.

00:39:05.000 I'm not breaking down who he is as a person.

00:39:08.000 I like the guy a lot.

00:39:09.000 But even Rampage himself admits that he was more exciting back in the day when he was in Pride.

00:39:14.000 He doesn't have to be anymore.

00:39:15.000 He's a great fighter. 0.99

00:39:16.000 He can do whatever the fuck he wants. 0.99

00:39:18.000 When I'm doing commentary is just my objective opinion. 0.99

00:39:24.000 That's all it is.

00:39:25.000 It's not that I don't like the guy.

00:39:27.000 Why do you think he stopped?

00:39:28.000 Because in Pride, pretty much every fight, he would pick somebody up, lift them up in the air, slam them.

00:39:33.000 It was like he sings.

00:39:34.000 It's not that easy to do.

00:39:35.000 But he did it every fight, and all of a sudden, never again.

00:39:40.000 I'm like, what the hell happened?

00:39:41.000 I don't know.

00:39:42.000 I mean, he has a lot more tools now.

00:39:44.000 He's, you know, it's hard to tell.

00:39:46.000 Also, he was fighting people in the ring more.

00:39:48.000 I wonder if that's different.

00:39:50.000 Well, they can actually be easier to pick people up in the cage.

00:39:52.000 In a cage, exactly.

00:39:53.000 Because they are upright in the cage. 0.95

00:39:55.000 Well, he, you know, it also, you could get fucking, after doing that for a long time, you could get, it's possible you could hurt your back. 0.93

00:40:02.000 You could have, like, issues. 0.91

00:40:03.000 Like, a lot of wrestlers, a lot of really powerful guys.

00:40:06.000 I don't know if he does.

00:40:07.000 I'm just guessing.

00:40:08.000 Right. 0.99

00:40:08.000 But a lot of guys eventually have, like, kinks in their neck and shit. 0.99

00:40:11.000 Tito's had two disc replacements. 0.97

00:40:13.000 Yeah, and Tito wasn't even lifting people up.

00:40:15.000 He was just shooting straight.

00:40:16.000 Yeah, he lifted some people up too.

00:40:18.000 He knocked out Evan Tanner with a big body slam.

00:40:22.000 And when he was younger, he would hoist guys up a lot.

00:40:24.000 You know, I think as you get older, you get smarter.

00:40:26.000 As you get smarter, you fight more conservatively.

00:40:28.000 Right.

00:40:30.000 But I just wish the guy wasn't mad at me.

00:40:32.000 You know, when I tell him to throw leg kicks, it's just because he has awesome leg kicks.

00:40:35.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00

00:40:36.000 You know, he's like, you know, I'm fighting to wrestle a dumbass. 0.99

00:40:38.000 Like, I know, I know. 0.99

00:40:39.000 I'm just saying, man. 0.98

00:40:40.000 He landed a few, and his leg kicks are fucking badass. 0.93

00:40:43.000 I would like to see that if I was in his corner, you know. 0.91

00:40:47.000 When Rampage is mad at you, is that something that you should be worried about?

00:40:50.000 Like if you're out and you see him somewhere and you're like, oh, hi.

00:40:52.000 I would talk to him and I think we'd be cool instantly.

00:40:55.000 I'm not a bad person.

00:40:57.000 He's not a bad person either.

00:40:58.000 He's just upset and he's sensitive. 0.97

00:41:00.000 And he's also got the toughest fucking job on the planet. 0.96

00:41:02.000 There's a lot of pressure and a lot of stress involved in being a fighter. 0.98

00:41:06.000 And the last thing...

00:41:08.000 What I want to do is add more pressure and add more stress.

00:41:11.000 All I'm doing is trying to just...

00:41:12.000 I'm analyzing the fight.

00:41:14.000 That's all it is.

00:41:15.000 I have to be objective.

00:41:16.000 I can't protect someone's feelings at the expense of doing what I'm supposed to be doing, which is sort of analyzing what's going on.

00:41:24.000 And some people say I'm biased.

00:41:26.000 And he was saying that I'm biased towards jujitsu guys.

00:41:29.000 Oh, yeah, yeah.

00:41:29.000 I read that.

00:41:30.000 Make it like I was sucking dick. 1.00

00:41:32.000 That was cute. 1.00

00:41:32.000 That was funny. 1.00

00:41:33.000 It was funny.

00:41:34.000 It was good. 1.00

00:41:35.000 He was animated and shit. 0.99

00:41:37.000 He's a funny guy, man. 0.99

00:41:38.000 I like Rampage.

00:41:40.000 But if anything, I'm more biased, I always say, towards really aggressive strikers.

00:41:44.000 Like, Vanderlei Silva's my favorite all-time fighter.

00:41:47.000 Really?

00:41:47.000 Yeah, I think so.

00:41:48.000 If I had to pick one guy, like the Vanderlei in Pride, because he was so wild, man. 0.99

00:41:54.000 Every Vanderlei-Silva fight, you know exactly what the fuck you were getting into. 0.97

00:41:57.000 It was like a Tyson fight, in that same sort of feeling. 0.97

00:42:00.000 When he was on top, when Vanderlei was just smashing dudes When he was at his very peak, he was so wild.

00:42:09.000 It was a wild guy.

00:42:10.000 There was an excitement. 0.99

00:42:12.000 As a fan, like, holy shit, Vanderlei's about to fight. 0.98

00:42:15.000 You know what I mean? 0.96

00:42:16.000 When Vanderlei was going to fight, man, everybody would get hyped up.

00:42:19.000 And still to this day, that Kong Lee fight proved it.

00:42:22.000 Still to this day, he's got that.

00:42:25.000 So my all-time favorite kind of style of fighting is really not jujitsu.

00:42:30.000 I like strikers.

00:42:33.000 To watch, I still like watching beautiful jujitsu technique. 1.00

00:42:37.000 I absolutely do, but for the oh shit moments, For the, oh shit! 0.99

00:42:41.000 It's like almost always chaos. 1.00

00:42:43.000 It's almost head kicks. 0.99

00:42:45.000 It's like Mirko Krokop was like the king of the oh shit moments. 0.99

00:42:48.000 Of course. 0.99

00:42:49.000 You know, his left high kicks, Vanderlei.

00:42:52.000 You know, those are the guys that I always like really enjoy watching maybe the most.

00:42:57.000 If anything, I'm biased towards those guys.

00:42:59.000 But I just, you know, I appreciate all of it, man.

00:43:02.000 I appreciate wrestling.

00:43:04.000 I think wrestling is one of the most important aspects.

00:43:06.000 I always say that that's the biggest base of the pyramid.

00:43:10.000 I was never really a wrestler.

00:43:12.000 I only wrestled for one year in high school.

00:43:13.000 I don't have a bias.

00:43:15.000 When I'm looking at it, I'm really trying to look at it as objectively as possible.

00:43:19.000 And it changes all the time.

00:43:21.000 What's important?

00:43:22.000 It changes all the time because different levels of guys will enter the game, and that's when things get weird.

00:43:27.000 Things get weird when you get a really high-level striker that all of a sudden learns how to sprawl and is really good at wrestling.

00:43:34.000 Maybe we wrestled a little bit in high school, and then all of a sudden, boom, he's in the UFC, and you've got to deal with this.

00:43:40.000 You get to a really high-level, professional Muay Thai-type fighters who have really crisp striking, If one of those guys, one of those really top-end guys, one of those Ernesto Hoos in his prime, one of those guys steps into the UFC, everything changes in that division.

00:43:56.000 And then everybody has to figure that guy out now.

00:43:58.000 Everyone has to either evolve around his skills, find a way to be able to stand with him. 0.95

00:44:04.000 I hope he gets beat up in the gym. 0.92

00:44:07.000 Shooting before the fight. 0.99

00:44:09.000 Yeah, man.

00:44:10.000 It's constantly changing what's important.

00:44:12.000 What's important is constantly changing.

00:44:14.000 We're always seeing a new version, like, oh, and then what if one of these guys shows up?

00:44:18.000 And now all of a sudden you've got this Jon Jones version, this new thing. 0.98

00:44:21.000 How do you fucking deal with this? 0.92

00:44:23.000 You've got some young kid who's really confident, very smart. 0.99

00:44:28.000 And has unbelievable strength, comes from a wrestling background, and has the longest reach of any fucking human being on the face of the planet. 0.97

00:44:35.000 And is blasting you, and you can't even get close to him. 0.96

00:44:38.000 And he's getting better every day.

00:44:39.000 Every time he blinks, he's getting a little bit better. 1.00

00:44:41.000 You know, he's ridiculous.

00:44:42.000 And also, he's creative, because there are a lot of guys today that are awesome athletes, they're great fighters, but they are It's kind of boring to watch because they do what everybody else does. 0.91

00:44:50.000 And so, I mean, don't get me wrong.

00:44:52.000 It's like all the respect in the world because you're doing something amazing.

00:44:54.000 But it's not that you'd watch somebody like Jon Jones or you'd watch Anderson Silva or you watch some of these guys.

00:45:00.000 There's like, it's a master at work.

00:45:01.000 You sit back and it's like, Jesus, what's he going to do now?

00:45:04.000 He's an artist.

00:45:05.000 There's a reason why it's called martial art.

00:45:07.000 Yeah.

00:45:08.000 Martial artist.

00:45:09.000 That is exactly what he's doing.

00:45:11.000 That's artwork.

00:45:12.000 Right.

00:45:13.000 When you watch his Shogun fight, watch the Jon Jones Shogun fight.

00:45:16.000 If that's not like a symphony, that's like a beautiful work of art.

00:45:20.000 What he did is he destroyed one of the best fighters on the planet and he made it look easy. 0.96

00:45:26.000 It puts art in perspective because fucking Leonardo didn't have some 6'4 dude trying to punch him in the face while he was painting his masterpiece. 0.89

00:45:34.000 I absolutely believe if you watch the Jon Jones-Leota Machida fight that that is a work of art. 0.98

00:45:40.000 I absolutely believe that.

00:45:41.000 That's artwork.

00:45:43.000 That's fascinating.

00:45:44.000 The finish was so beautiful.

00:45:46.000 Everything about it, everything about the fight is incredible.

00:45:49.000 The fact that Lyoto tagged him a few times.

00:45:52.000 Lyoto looked great, but he just caught Lyoto, got him on the ground, dazed him on the ground, and then caught him in that standing guillotine. 0.99

00:45:58.000 Goddamn! 0.99

00:45:59.000 Woo! 0.99

00:46:00.000 But you put it all together as far as entertainment impact.

00:46:05.000 That's a work of art, man.

00:46:07.000 That absolutely is a different type of art.

00:46:09.000 I like watching sometimes somebody's entire career kind of rather than watching a bunch of fights from different people.

00:46:15.000 Like watch one guy and watch back to back fights of their style and you see the evolution of their style and you really see a style there at work and it's awesome.

00:46:23.000 Yeah, that is a fascinating thing to watch guys evolve.

00:46:26.000 You know, I remember Anderson Silva's first couple of fights.

00:46:29.000 When he first started fighting in Pride, he was primarily a stand-up guy, and he got submitted when he went to the ground, like Takahashi, I think it was, got him in a mounted triangle, and then with wrestling shoes on, I think he did.

00:46:41.000 Was it Takahashi?

00:46:42.000 No, somebody else.

00:46:42.000 No.

00:46:44.000 Some dude who had a losing record of all things.

00:46:47.000 Really?

00:46:47.000 The same guy who beat Carlos Newton by decision.

00:46:48.000 Oh, no, no, you're thinking about Rio Chonin.

00:46:50.000 No, before.

00:46:51.000 Really?

00:46:52.000 There was a dude before.

00:46:54.000 It's the same guy who beat Carlos Newton by decision in one of the Bushido events.

00:46:59.000 Takase, that's his name.

00:47:01.000 Takase.

00:47:01.000 Takase, yeah.

00:47:02.000 Okay, not Takahashi.

00:47:03.000 Yeah, and so he mounted him and got him in a triangle and then Ryo Chonan got him in that crazy flying heel hook.

00:47:11.000 Have you never seen Anderson Silva lost?

00:47:13.000 In one of the most spectacular finishes of all time.

00:47:16.000 Doesn't get any better than that.

00:47:17.000 This dude, Ryo Chonin, flew at him sideways, tied his legs up together into scissors like a movie. 0.99

00:47:23.000 That's like some shit from a movie. 0.99

00:47:25.000 That's like some shit from a pro wrestling show. 1.00

00:47:28.000 And then he caught him in this flying heel hook and Anderson immediately tapped. 0.99

00:47:33.000 Screaming in pain.

00:47:35.000 That's really the best submission I've ever seen.

00:47:37.000 Craziness.

00:47:39.000 Craziness. 0.99

00:47:40.000 And on top of it, apparently Anderson's foot was fucked up when he was going into that fight. 0.99

00:47:44.000 It looked like. 0.99

00:47:45.000 The second he touches him, Anderson is already tapping and screaming and going crazy. 0.99

00:47:49.000 Apparently, yeah, he went into that fight with a fucked up foot. 0.98

00:47:51.000 That's why he wasn't moving so well. 0.99

00:47:54.000 Yeah, that's what it looked like.

00:47:55.000 So that guy goes from that, and then all of a sudden he fights in the UFC against Chris Lieben, and now you see this master.

00:48:01.000 You know, you see, like, wow.

00:48:03.000 Like, the way he took Lieben apart, like, this is a master.

00:48:07.000 You know?

00:48:07.000 The way he moved, the way he, like, everything Lieben threw, he's, like, shucked out of the way and countered.

00:48:13.000 Bam! 0.99

00:48:14.000 These just precise counters, and Lieben's charging forward, and he's blasting them with kicks and knees and punches, and you're like, God damn, is he good! 1.00

00:48:23.000 Holy shit! 0.99

00:48:25.000 His fight with Forrest Griffin, I mean, what the hell can you say? 0.99

00:48:29.000 Well, you know, one of the interesting things is that Forrest, I had an interview with him about that, and he told me that he had gotten knocked out twice in training camp before that fight.

00:48:38.000 So, right away, he probably shouldn't have even been in there, you know, right?

00:48:43.000 I mean, if you get knocked out in a training camp like two times, how many concussions are you allowed to have, like, really close back-to-back like that?

00:48:51.000 Yeah, it's probably this close to somebody touching you the right way, and you Yeah.

00:48:54.000 Well, there's been a few fighters that have had that happen to them, and they both got knocked out exactly the same way.

00:48:59.000 One of them was, there was a dude who was fighting in the UFC for a while. 0.98

00:49:06.000 Fuck, what was his name? 0.99

00:49:07.000 Marvin Eastman. 1.00

00:49:08.000 Marvin Eastman got knocked out. 0.99

00:49:12.000 He got caught by Travis, what the fuck's his name? 0.99

00:49:16.000 Luter. 0.99

00:49:17.000 Travis Luter, of course.

00:49:18.000 Jesus Christ, how can I forget that guy's name?

00:49:19.000 Who's a sick jiu-jitsu guy, but not really known for being a super powerful striker.

00:49:25.000 A real strong guy.

00:49:26.000 I can't believe I forgot his name.

00:49:27.000 Travis, I'm so sorry.

00:49:28.000 I love that guy, actually.

00:49:30.000 I just had too much weed, dude.

00:49:31.000 I blame it on the weed.

00:49:33.000 That's crazy.

00:49:33.000 Way too much weed and really strong.

00:49:35.000 Yeah, strong weed.

00:49:36.000 I've been sitting here stoned like a crazy person over here. 0.94

00:49:39.000 Yeah, it's not good for your brain. 0.99

00:49:40.000 Stuff's terrible for you.

00:49:41.000 Anyway, Travis Luter caught Marvin Eastman with a right hand and just like at the end of the punch and Eastman went down like he got shot. 0.99

00:49:47.000 Like he got sniped from a fucking tower. 0.98

00:49:52.000 He had gotten knocked out twice in training camp as well. 0.99

00:49:55.000 He was knocked out once, I think, by Tito Ortiz accidentally.

00:49:58.000 Like, ran into a knee and knocked down another time on a takedown attempt.

00:50:02.000 So, you know, when that's happening, man, you know, you can get knocked out super easy.

00:50:07.000 Speaking of MMA and religion, that was one of my favorite moments ever when Eastman lost a fight to Vitor Belfort.

00:50:14.000 Belfort did that crazy knee and spooking open and everything.

00:50:17.000 And then they have the cameras in the post-fight interview on Balfour saying, Thank you, Jesus, for giving me the strength to do what I do.

00:50:25.000 And then they pan on Marvin Easton and his face is like, his whole head is split open. 0.98

00:50:30.000 I think you said, if I remember correctly, you said he looked like a goat's vagina, which I thought was one of the best lines ever. 1.00

00:50:37.000 It's really unfortunate that I actually said that. 0.99

00:50:39.000 I should have thought that and just kept it to myself.

00:50:43.000 And you see Balfour going out about Jesus giving him the strength, and then you see somebody's open been split with blood everywhere, and you're like, really?

00:50:50.000 That's what was going on?

00:50:52.000 But I thought it was pretty funny.

00:50:54.000 But then again, with respect to Vitor, good guy, so I'm not picking on him, but...

00:50:58.000 I think a lot of fighters really like to believe in the Lord and like to be on a good path because, first of all, I think it helps their fighting.

00:51:06.000 I think a lot of guys who are Christians, they have a little bit of extra faith.

00:51:10.000 They have a little bit of extra calmness, a little extra belief in themselves.

00:51:14.000 If you truly are a believer, there is a benefit to that.

00:51:17.000 It's psychological.

00:51:18.000 Huge.

00:51:19.000 As a tool, right?

00:51:20.000 That's why it still exists.

00:51:21.000 Despite the fact that sometimes it doesn't look like it makes sense, but that's why it exists because it delivers a huge benefit.

00:51:26.000 It helps people be disciplined and stay on certain paths.

00:51:30.000 It helps people stay on...

00:51:32.000 If you really truly believe in a higher power, it's much more likely that you're going to have at least some sort of a code that you're living by.

00:51:42.000 Right?

00:51:43.000 Does that make sense?

00:51:43.000 Yeah, totally.

00:51:45.000 Is it possible to live life and be really nice without that?

00:51:50.000 Is it possible to convince people to live like a free person, but also live within principles of decency and just abandon everything else?

00:52:01.000 I very much think so, but it takes...

00:52:06.000 It takes special people.

00:52:07.000 Because not everybody can handle it.

00:52:09.000 Because a lot of people, unless you keep them in a little cage, they'll go crazy and do all sorts of messed up stuff.

00:52:14.000 It's kind of like the Taoist.

00:52:16.000 I love Taoism because you see the...

00:52:18.000 They are the first to tell you.

00:52:19.000 It's like, our stuff is...

00:52:21.000 You need to be smart.

00:52:22.000 You need to be sensible.

00:52:23.000 You need to have all these tools that you don't have.

00:52:26.000 So go to take Confucianism instead.

00:52:28.000 It's better for you because, you know, you won't fuck things up too bad.

00:52:31.000 They'll give you simple rules to stick to, limit how much damage you can make.

00:52:36.000 Confucianism is better for you. 1.00

00:52:37.000 Seriously, just go there.

00:52:39.000 Our staff...

00:52:41.000 They are elitist, obviously.

00:52:42.000 They are a little bit with this, but so is life.

00:52:45.000 Not everybody's gonna get it.

00:52:47.000 That's how it is.

00:52:48.000 It takes a hell of a human being to live with no rules and still behave in an amazing way.

00:52:54.000 But that doesn't mean it can be done.

00:52:55.000 And so in that sense, I find, you know, all the rules giving religions useful for a segment of humanity.

00:53:05.000 But then if you want to talk about full potential of human beings, I feel like, no, you can do better than that.

00:53:12.000 People have a real hard time with that, though, when you start segmenting human beings and saying that some people are more worthy or some people are more capable or some people are more even evolved, you know? 0.99

00:53:22.000 I'm an evil asshole, so I don't care. 0.98

00:53:26.000 Let me explain it so I don't sound too much like an asshole, but I believe in being nice to anybody. 1.00

00:53:34.000 I don't care, smart, stupid, whatever. 0.99

00:53:37.000 You should treat everybody giving them opportunity. 1.00

00:53:40.000 It's like, prove to me that you're not a moron, great. 0.99

00:53:42.000 I'll give you all the opportunities in the world. 0.99

00:53:45.000 But at the same time, I can be delusional and expect that everybody's gonna be amazingly smart and you walk into any room and you can throw. 0.94

00:53:51.000 It's like, I kind of expect people to suck, but I'll give them all the opportunities in the world to prove otherwise. 0.99

00:53:57.000 And I feel like that way is a healthy balance between being realistic about it and being without turning into a jerk. 1.00

00:54:06.000 So you think that if the government came out and said, hey listen, we did some studies, it turns out religion's totally bullshit, and we gotta start from scratch because we don't know what the fuck is out there. 0.99

00:54:18.000 What percentage of people do you think would just go completely batshit crazy and riot in the streets? 0.99

00:54:24.000 Would anything change at all?

00:54:26.000 It's not based on evidence anyway, so it doesn't matter what anybody tells you.

00:54:29.000 But a lot of people would be marching through the streets.

00:54:31.000 That would be one way where people would really show how much they believe.

00:54:35.000 They would start marching through the streets, right?

00:54:37.000 They would have to.

00:54:38.000 They would organize.

00:54:39.000 They would really put out a message.

00:54:41.000 But that's one of the cool things about living in the US today.

00:54:44.000 In general, in the Western world, you find...

00:54:47.000 A few, not even that long, 100, 200 years ago, they were, you know, you'd burn people on the public square kind of thing if they disagreed.

00:54:55.000 Today, even the hardcore fundamentalists, they get all riled up, they get pissed, but they are not the Taliban.

00:55:01.000 You know, they may think like them, but they don't act like them.

00:55:03.000 Yeah, but we're trying to stop it from getting any further than this.

00:55:07.000 Anybody that has that much faith in what they can't see, that's a disturbing thing.

00:55:15.000 You're willing to die for this?

00:55:17.000 That's an issue.

00:55:18.000 They're willing to die. 0.99

00:55:20.000 The part that worries me is you're willing to kill. 0.99

00:55:22.000 You're willing to die, whatever. 0.97

00:55:24.000 It's your life.

00:55:25.000 Willing to enforce your ideas.

00:55:27.000 The one that pissed me off the most of these things is the euthanasia debate.

00:55:32.000 The fact that today, in 2012, with the technology that we have, you could let people die in a good way.

00:55:40.000 You could let somebody say, look, when I get to that point, I want to be able to shoot me an injection, you put me to sleep, you give me the other one that puts me out without pain.

00:55:49.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:55:50.000 That's their damn life. 1.00

00:55:51.000 Right, right. 1.00

00:55:52.000 I mean, nobody's saying that you need to die that way.

00:55:55.000 Right.

00:55:55.000 You want to go in whatever way you want to go good for you, but you really want to tell everybody else how they die?

00:56:01.000 I think it's a tricky thing, man, because I think there's going to be a lot of people that have cranky old grandparents, and they're going to push that motherfucker into that bed and go, look, he's been delusional right now, but he's been telling us to kill him for a couple days, so we're just going to go ahead and do this. 0.98

00:56:14.000 But there's the double thing. 0.98

00:56:16.000 You have either people should do when they are young.

00:56:19.000 What do you want to do in X amount of situations and sign it and deal with it?

00:56:24.000 And unless they change their mind, that's what sticks.

00:56:26.000 Or they pick somebody that, in the same way as they pick somebody to manage their bank account, they pick somebody who can make those kind of decisions.

00:56:34.000 Wow.

00:56:35.000 um because otherwise really you are in the position where today if you have a sick dog you can take them to the vet and they are gone in no time with no pain but for human being you have to suffer every step of the way seeing your body go to crap and we're very uncomfortable with giving someone the power to shut off a life yeah we're very uncomfortable with it right it's tricky and in my mind is that's you know when you love somebody you care for somebody and you see them go down that path and that's what they want That's the biggest

00:57:05.000 thing you can do for them, is let them die the way they want. 0.99

00:57:08.000 Yeah. 0.96

00:57:09.000 No, I see what you're saying.

00:57:10.000 I mean, I agree with you, but I think people, like I said, are very uncomfortable with the idea, especially religious folks.

00:57:16.000 Yeah.

00:57:17.000 Very uncomfortable.

00:57:18.000 God decide when you get to go, so let you waste away for six more months in order to...

00:57:22.000 But essentially, they do kill you anyway with painkillers, you know?

00:57:26.000 Although a lot of people, when it's towards the end... 0.99

00:57:28.000 Yeah, it's fucked up, though. 0.97

00:57:29.000 ...they just keep flooding you with painkillers. 0.98

00:57:30.000 It's not pleasant.

00:57:32.000 Even...

00:57:34.000 Because it's not that they don't feel anything or they don't realize anything. 0.99

00:57:37.000 They do realize enough to feel like shit and realize it. 0.97

00:57:40.000 So it's not a pretty way to go. 1.00

00:57:43.000 Fuck. 1.00

00:57:44.000 I'm of the school of thought. 1.00

00:57:48.000 What happens when they cure that?

00:57:50.000 What happens when people don't get old? 0.99

00:57:53.000 How many goddamn people are going to be here if they figure out how to stop people from getting old and dying? 0.99

00:57:58.000 We might have a real problem. 0.99

00:58:00.000 We might have to build spaceships. 0.98

00:58:03.000 Well, there are too many people.

00:58:05.000 There will be more and more and more. 1.00

00:58:08.000 But if we stop dying and people kept fucking, that would be nuts. 1.00

00:58:13.000 Jesus Christ! 0.99

00:58:15.000 At that point is where you can have the UFC of give a sword to some dudes, put them in a cage, and have them go at each other for any issue. 1.00

00:58:23.000 You have a disagreement with anybody over anything.

00:58:26.000 Please, settle it with swords in the cage.

00:58:28.000 It sounds really stupid to say that people would devolve to that level, but when you get a lot of people together, they sort of devalue each other. 0.98

00:58:39.000 When you have too many of them, and you add that to poverty and the future and radiation sickness, and who knows what the fuck's going to be going on. 0.98

00:58:47.000 Yeah, life becomes cheap.

00:58:49.000 It's kind of like even in the ancient world where people die left and right all around them, people are a lot less sensitive about human life.

00:58:55.000 It's like where you could have the gladiators and people clap and think it's cool because it's like they see people dying left and right all the time.

00:59:02.000 Hey, at least you got to die after you train a bunch of months, you look like a hero, you got your head chopped off, but hey, you know, you're going to die anyway in six months in some other way, so might as well.

00:59:12.000 Isn't it amazing when you really stop and think about it? 0.94

00:59:15.000 Isn't it incredible that people ever got past ancient Rome that we ever got to today? 1.00

00:59:21.000 Think how nutty those assholes were. 1.00

00:59:23.000 The people were fighting lions with swords and shit. 1.00

00:59:26.000 They would throw lions at people. 1.00

00:59:28.000 Goddamn, what a bunch of crazy assholes. 1.00

00:59:30.000 Two weeks ago, some guy emails me from the History Channel and say, are you by any chance an expert on Caligula, the Roman Emperor? 1.00

00:59:38.000 And I'm like, Not really.

00:59:39.000 I mean, I read my Roman history and stuff, but he's like, perfect!

00:59:43.000 Just come on!

00:59:44.000 By the way, did you reach my email?

00:59:45.000 It's like, yeah, yeah, you sound great.

00:59:47.000 As long as you know, you get a book that you looked at once.

00:59:51.000 So I was an expert on Caligula.

00:59:53.000 Yeah, the History Channel is awesome for that.

00:59:55.000 It was, but it was cool.

00:59:56.000 Actually, they did their homework.

00:59:57.000 I read all their stuff.

00:59:58.000 It was all on the spot.

01:00:00.000 Nothing funnier than the History Channel when they got a dude that comes on and says, Sasquatch expert.

01:00:04.000 Right.

01:00:05.000 Like, what?

01:00:07.000 Yeah, that's brilliant.

01:00:08.000 Yeah.

01:00:09.000 So how much did you have to know for them to use you?

01:00:13.000 You know, I was actually surprised that I knew more than I thought I did.

01:00:16.000 But, you know, it's not like I'm the expert.

01:00:19.000 It's like, what the hell?

01:00:19.000 I read something.

01:00:20.000 But then I was like, hey, man, I remember all this stuff.

01:00:23.000 Did you have to re-research it before you went on? 0.98

01:00:24.000 Yeah, the day before, I was like, oh, shit, I better do my homework, you know? 0.98

01:00:27.000 Right. 0.95

01:00:28.000 So I did reread the whole thing and everything to make the connection faster so you don't think about it for five minutes going, you know, but...

01:00:35.000 Caligula, man. 1.00

01:00:37.000 What a crazy motherfucker that guy was, huh? 1.00

01:00:39.000 The Romans were wild. 1.00

01:00:40.000 I mean, Caligula was sort of, you know, to the tenth power, but Roman culture in general, Jesus Christ, these guys were violent to a point that, I mean, you know how today there's the, you shouldn't kill people in ways that are cruel and unusual, all of that.

01:00:55.000 They are all about, you know, the more violent, painful, and public we can make it, the better. 0.99

01:01:00.000 You will make a statement to the Fed that you don't fuck with the States. 0.99

01:01:06.000 Sure. 0.99

01:01:06.000 That's bizarre. 0.99

01:01:10.000 Where the hell did Brian go?

01:01:18.000 That was funny. 0.97

01:01:27.000 That's what you get for shittin' outside that bathroom right there.

01:01:30.000 Should've just went right there.

01:01:32.000 Ladies and gentlemen, that break in the podcast was Brian got locked outside, and he was banging on the door.

01:01:39.000 Sorry. 0.98

01:01:40.000 Brian, you silly goose. 1.00

01:01:41.000 The comedy club has these automated locks when they're closed, and so I went out to go, because we're not supposed to shit in this bathroom, because it shits and makes everybody smell the shit. 1.00

01:01:50.000 Right, but no one's working today. 0.99

01:01:51.000 There were some people here earlier.

01:01:53.000 Oh, there were.

01:01:53.000 Okay.

01:01:54.000 So I didn't want to.

01:01:54.000 All right.

01:01:55.000 So where were we?

01:01:56.000 Where were we talking about?

01:01:56.000 Crazy romance.

01:01:57.000 Oh yeah, how amazing that culture was.

01:02:00.000 Yeah. 0.97

01:02:00.000 Bunch of savages. 0.97

01:02:01.000 People got through that.

01:02:03.000 We are ancestors of people, you know, some of us are at least, of people that lived there.

01:02:07.000 It's not like people went extinct back then.

01:02:09.000 No, far from it.

01:02:10.000 What a weird time that must have been, huh? 0.99

01:02:12.000 What a shit roll of the dice that is. 0.99

01:02:15.000 Getting born and you're living in ancient Rome. 1.00

01:02:17.000 Ugh.

01:02:18.000 It was funny when UFC started, both the people who hated it and the people who loved it compared to Gladiator.

01:02:23.000 Well, they used to have a Gladiator opening.

01:02:25.000 We just abandoned it. 0.99

01:02:27.000 The new one is fucking crazy. 0.98

01:02:29.000 I haven't seen the new one. 0.99

01:02:29.000 The new one's amazing. 0.99

01:02:31.000 But the Gladiator opening was for a long time.

01:02:34.000 Everyone was like, who's this Gladiator dude?

01:02:36.000 What is all this about? 1.00

01:02:37.000 Rubbing dirt in his hands and shit. 1.00

01:02:39.000 It was just like, what? 1.00

01:02:41.000 You know, with the Italian music, you know, and then it's the opening.

01:02:45.000 The new opening is wicked, though.

01:02:50.000 Yeah.

01:02:54.000 The gladiator.

01:02:54.000 So what was Caligula's deal?

01:02:56.000 Caligula was completely out of his fucking mind. 1.00

01:02:58.000 Yeah, basically. 1.00

01:02:59.000 Do you think he was, like, clinically insane?

01:03:02.000 Do you think he was just mad with power? 1.00

01:03:03.000 No, I think he was nuts to begin with. 0.74

01:03:05.000 And then, of course, you grow up in an environment where, you know, your uncle kills all of your family, your brothers and sisters, and have your mom beat up to the point that she loses an eye and then gets her to starve to death. 0.81

01:03:16.000 You know, that's the environment you grow up around.

01:03:19.000 Jesus Christ.

01:03:19.000 Even if you're totally sane, you start going a little over the edge.

01:03:24.000 Why'd they do that to everybody? 1.00

01:03:25.000 Because they are mean bastards. 1.00

01:03:27.000 And they protected their own power. 1.00

01:03:30.000 And anybody that they felt could be a threat to their power, they would get rid of them in fairly nasty ways.

01:03:36.000 Jesus Christ.

01:03:37.000 No, it's no different than any gang or any, you know, it's human nature that way we're at its worst.

01:03:42.000 Yeah, because there was no rules.

01:03:43.000 Essentially, they were calling the shots.

01:03:45.000 It's amazing that people ever get to a point of royalty, that people allow that hustle. 0.94

01:03:51.000 It's a very strange hustle that even though there's no fucking food, everybody's starving, there's no prosperity, there's no books, people are so silly, they'll believe that this one guy is worth more than everybody else. 0.93

01:04:02.000 He controls their armies and he's their noble leader. 0.96

01:04:05.000 But that would be a cool job.

01:04:07.000 I signed up for that.

01:04:08.000 Very few guys pulled that job off, man. 0.99

01:04:10.000 And now and then, somebody would kill you with a sword. 0.72

01:04:13.000 I think today I started well. 1.00

01:04:14.000 I started saying, you know, most people suck, and I have this elitist thing. 0.87

01:04:18.000 Now that I want to be the king of the universe, and I would be great at it. 0.97

01:04:21.000 Yeah, I think today is going well.

01:04:23.000 Well, every smart person thinks that they would be an awesome king.

01:04:25.000 I would be different. 1.00

01:04:26.000 Listen, there's a lot of kings that would be assholes. 0.99

01:04:28.000 If I was the king, that's how every cult gets started. 1.00

01:04:31.000 Right. 0.99

01:04:32.000 Some guy comes along and goes, listen, these other cults, they don't know what the fuck they're doing. 0.97

01:04:35.000 The way I would do cults would just be really nice, and as long as I'm in control, trust me, I'm really, really honest and objective about this. 0.99

01:04:46.000 When are we going to fucking figure this out? 0.92

01:04:51.000 So I got my results back from my physical, Joe. 0.99

01:04:54.000 You had a physical?

01:04:55.000 I got a full physical.

01:04:56.000 They tested blood, everything.

01:04:59.000 And they said that I'm like 100% everything's fine.

01:05:01.000 My cholesterol is exactly perfect.

01:05:03.000 The only thing that was bad, he's like, just take a little bit of D. You don't get out much, do you?

01:05:08.000 And I'm like, no, I don't get out.

01:05:09.000 So he's like, just get some, like, over-the-counter D. You'll be fine.

01:05:12.000 But you're just a slight thing.

01:05:14.000 Oh, that's good.

01:05:15.000 That's good.

01:05:16.000 And no STDs.

01:05:17.000 My first AIDS test.

01:05:18.000 I've been mooching this, you know, off an AIDS test.

01:05:22.000 But you got a real one now.

01:05:23.000 I got a real one.

01:05:23.000 Yeah, congratulations.

01:05:24.000 I'm glad you're not dying.

01:05:26.000 That's awesome.

01:05:27.000 Yeah, that is good.

01:05:28.000 That's a monkey off your back, right?

01:05:30.000 Totally.

01:05:31.000 I kind of feel like I eat somewhat healthy. 0.99

01:05:34.000 What I'll do is I'll eat healthy and then I'll have a shitty day where I'll eat fucking pizza. 0.98

01:05:38.000 So I think I have a good up and down. 0.99

01:05:42.000 Isn't it crazy that your body actually produces a vitamin by looking at the sun?

01:05:47.000 Yeah.

01:05:47.000 You're out in the sun, your body produces vitamin D. That's why when you see like George St. Pierre when he's fighting and he gets tanned, that getting tanned like that actually makes you perform better.

01:05:56.000 Yeah.

01:05:57.000 Isn't that nuts? 1.00

01:05:58.000 That's fucking crazy. 0.99

01:05:59.000 Getting a tan actually makes you perform better as a fighter. 1.00

01:06:03.000 Like, what?

01:06:04.000 What is the bad part about having not much D, though?

01:06:08.000 Like, if you were an extreme case, would you just be like, oh, I can't... 1.00

01:06:11.000 Yeah, you'd be fucked. 1.00

01:06:13.000 It's really bad for you. 1.00

01:06:14.000 Really?

01:06:14.000 Yeah, I think that's an issue with the people that live in really cloudy climates as well.

01:06:18.000 Like Seattle.

01:06:19.000 Yeah, I bet they have a problem.

01:06:20.000 We keep going after Seattle today. 1.00

01:06:22.000 Fucking Seattle, man. 1.00

01:06:24.000 We called them heaven. 1.00

01:06:26.000 Seahawk.

01:06:27.000 Seacock.

01:06:28.000 Seattle's a cool place, man.

01:06:29.000 How dare you?

01:06:30.000 I like Seattle.

01:06:31.000 It's beautiful up there.

01:06:32.000 Oh, by the way, somebody told me they just got back again from Tempe or Phoenix, Arizona and went to that new club in Arizona.

01:06:39.000 They said it is the most amazing place ever and you would love it.

01:06:42.000 It's 600 seats, but they have a person that follows you around that's like your own, like, hey, can I get you something?

01:06:49.000 You each have your own individual person.

01:06:52.000 Sam Tripoli went there and just had like a crazy party. 1.00

01:06:55.000 He saw somebody doing shit in the elevator. 1.00

01:06:58.000 This elevator walk up and people were having sex in it and stuff. 1.00

01:07:01.000 Whoa! 0.84

01:07:03.000 He says it's awesome.

01:07:04.000 It's a party.

01:07:05.000 So check that.

01:07:06.000 Really?

01:07:07.000 You know the one I'm talking about right? 0.97

01:07:09.000 Having sex there? 0.98

01:07:10.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:07:10.000 What's going on, Brian? 0.99

01:07:12.000 The fuck are you talking about? 1.00

01:07:12.000 Well, I don't want to give away Sam's story because he hasn't said it yet because he has a naughty show tonight. 1.00

01:07:16.000 Oh, so he's going to say it tonight.

01:07:17.000 I think so.

01:07:18.000 Jesus, how many podcasts are you doing in this day?

01:07:20.000 Three?

01:07:20.000 Three today.

01:07:21.000 How are you going to listen to other people talk?

01:07:23.000 It's impossible.

01:07:24.000 How are you going to do this?

01:07:25.000 You're going to shut your ears off after a while, huh?

01:07:27.000 Do you go numb?

01:07:28.000 I'm just...

01:07:28.000 No, it's just I kind of meditate while I listen to it.

01:07:33.000 Wow.

01:07:35.000 That's a lot of podcasts in one day.

01:07:36.000 It is a lot of podcasts.

01:07:38.000 Daniele Bolele, we need to have a religious question and answer podcast with you.

01:07:41.000 How about that? 1.00

01:07:42.000 That would be the shit. 1.00

01:07:44.000 Wouldn't that be fucking badass? 1.00

01:07:45.000 How people that have questions to religion, they contact you and then they could buy your books too. 0.93

01:07:50.000 What is the one that you published recently on Disinfo?

01:07:54.000 What is that called?

01:07:54.000 It's called The 50 Things You're Not Supposed to Know Religion.

01:07:57.000 And the genesis of this was kind of interesting because originally I pitched them a different book about religion.

01:08:03.000 And it was, you know, this big, thick, heavy book.

01:08:05.000 And they were like, yeah, you know, that's sweet.

01:08:07.000 But we're in the business of selling books.

01:08:09.000 So give us something, you know.

01:08:11.000 What is the big, thick book?

01:08:12.000 What was that going to be about?

01:08:13.000 It was kind of looking at all...

01:08:17.000 Basically, the approach that Bruce Lee had to martial arts, I was trying to play adapted to religions, sort of like taking from a bunch of different religions to look at what all the big questions are, look at what some of the answers that are out there to make up your own thing as you go.

01:08:32.000 Because ultimately, to me, that's the only thing that anybody does.

01:08:36.000 Makes up their own sort of standards.

01:08:38.000 Call it religion, call it philosophy, call it whatever makes you feel good.

01:08:41.000 But bottom line is a way of life.

01:08:44.000 And so I was like, do your homework, see what's out there, and come up with your own answers that way.

01:08:49.000 And actually, now that we did this one, they decided to go for it.

01:08:53.000 So I think I'll publish the other one toward the end of the year, you know, in the end of 2012. So this would be a really big book?

01:09:00.000 They asked me to cut it a bit. 0.96

01:09:02.000 And it's probably a good idea because it's probably too much stuff and people will be like halfway through like, ah, fuck it, no more.

01:09:08.000 But so yeah, I'll do that one, cutting it a bit. 0.81

01:09:11.000 And so that one I was super excited about.

01:09:14.000 But back then, they were actually smart because they know that this kind of stuff sells because it's...

01:09:19.000 Quicker, funny, weird, random, informative stories, in and out.

01:09:23.000 You know, you read one, next.

01:09:25.000 You know, you don't feel like you like that one, boom, you jump to the next one.

01:09:28.000 So there's 50 of them.

01:09:30.000 But yeah, it was weird, because when I originally signed up to do it, I wasn't as, now I'm really happy I did it.

01:09:37.000 When I started, I was like, eh, I need money, I guess, so sure, what the hell, why not?

01:09:42.000 But in my initial moment, and then it was in a shitty period of my life, because I signed on it, it was like, January 2011 or something.

01:09:52.000 And I said, sure, I'll get it done.

01:09:54.000 And they're like, do it by April.

01:09:56.000 Like, okay, that's a little tight, but sure, I can do it. 0.91

01:09:59.000 Then that's when everything went to shit with my wife, six weeks in the hospital, horrible things. 0.96

01:10:05.000 And then the second all that was over, I'm now responsible for a 90 month old baby to deal with her all the time. 0.99

01:10:12.000 And I have a month and a half left to write this stuff.

01:10:16.000 And I'm like... 1.00

01:10:18.000 Shit. 1.00

01:10:19.000 No, that's intense. 0.99

01:10:21.000 But the thing is, generally, I mean, I break more lows than I can keep track of, but one thing I don't do is I don't break my word ever.

01:10:29.000 And I told them, you know, I'll get it done.

01:10:31.000 They were even be nice about it.

01:10:32.000 They were like, you know what, we can push the deadline.

01:10:34.000 But like, no, man, you know, you wanted it done by then.

01:10:38.000 It's good for me.

01:10:39.000 It gives me something to focus on.

01:10:41.000 So rather than being there, you know, contemplating my navel, thinking the world sucks, I have something to do.

01:10:47.000 And not only that, but it has to be funny, light-hearted, at a time when my life is really not neither funny or light-hearted.

01:10:54.000 And so it's It was actually good.

01:10:56.000 It was awesome therapy for me because I could, you know, while I'm giving my daughter milk, I'm thinking about what the hell is the next line and I had to make it snappy, fast, you know, in quick fashion but funny.

01:11:06.000 Right.

01:11:07.000 And the best thing I could do for myself because, you know...

01:11:10.000 So did you write while you were holding the baby?

01:11:14.000 I literally got to the point where I would dream about what I was going to write at night.

01:11:18.000 I would fall asleep.

01:11:20.000 I finish writing.

01:11:21.000 I pass out.

01:11:22.000 I dream about what I'm going to write.

01:11:24.000 When my baby wakes up, I'm holding her, feeding her.

01:11:26.000 I'm like, okay, look at that thing over there.

01:11:29.000 Next line.

01:11:30.000 And then the second she would sleep, that's when I would write the most, of course.

01:11:34.000 And so I would be like, Go, go, go, go, go, go.

01:11:36.000 Okay, pass out.

01:11:37.000 Next day.

01:11:38.000 Wow. 1.00

01:11:39.000 What a crazy fucking schedule. 1.00

01:11:41.000 How long did you do that for? 1.00

01:11:42.000 That was a couple of months.

01:11:43.000 Maybe two and a half months.

01:11:46.000 That's how long it took you to make the book?

01:11:48.000 Yeah.

01:11:48.000 So it's 50 things that you're not supposed to know about religion?

01:11:51.000 That's what it's called?

01:11:52.000 Yeah.

01:11:52.000 Give us one of them.

01:11:52.000 What's a good one?

01:11:53.000 Let's see what's fun.

01:11:54.000 Let's take a peek.

01:11:56.000 Man, coming up with the titles was half the fun.

01:12:04.000 I'm cracking myself up reading them.

01:12:06.000 I have one chapter, I think it's kind of the stuff I was telling you earlier. 0.99

01:12:09.000 It's called, If You're Too Stupid for Taoism, You Can Always Try Confucianism. 0.98

01:12:13.000 That always would make me popular in China. 1.00

01:12:16.000 I have...

01:12:18.000 Oh, this is great.

01:12:19.000 There's this guy. 1.00

01:12:20.000 The title of this one is, God is wearing dragon robes and wants you to kick Confucius' ass. 0.99

01:12:26.000 This is an awesome story. 0.99

01:12:28.000 In the 1800s, this one Chinese guy became converted to Christianity and he started saying that he was Jesus' younger brother, that he had this vision of God that was wearing dragon clothes and told him that Buddhism and Confucianism were all crap and it was his duty to stamp them out. 0.80

01:12:48.000 So he gathered up all these followers, started preaching in the countryside, getting all these people.

01:12:53.000 They became so powerful that they carved out their own state within China.

01:12:57.000 And they said that this was going to be...

01:12:59.000 I forgot how it's called.

01:13:00.000 It's something...

01:13:01.000 I have to find it because this is too good.

01:13:02.000 But it was called something along the lines like the Heavenly Kingdom of Everlasting Peace or something.

01:13:09.000 Well, the Heavenly Kingdom of Everlasting Peace ended up with the death of 20 million people in the course of civil wars between the Chinese government that was pissed over these guys trying to break away and this kind of weird version of Chinese fundamentalist Christianity fighting against these guys.

01:13:27.000 And eventually, when they laid the siege to his city, he was telling his followers, don't worry, God is on our side.

01:13:33.000 And, of course, he died shortly thereafter by eating some poison observed by mistake.

01:13:37.000 And that was that.

01:13:39.000 What year was this all going down?

01:13:41.000 I want to say mid-1890s.

01:13:42.000 I think 1820s, 1830s.

01:13:44.000 And how many people died in this conflict?

01:13:46.000 20 million.

01:13:48.000 20 million?

01:13:49.000 Yeah.

01:13:49.000 So one dude came along saying that he was Jesus' brother.

01:13:54.000 Yep.

01:13:55.000 And 20 million people died as a result of this one guy?

01:13:58.000 Is that essentially what you're saying?

01:13:59.000 Yeah, Taiping Rebellion, 1850, 1864. And yeah, that's basically what it started.

01:14:06.000 How come I've never heard of that?

01:14:06.000 And that's why it's 50 things you're not supposed to know.

01:14:09.000 How come we've never heard about that?

01:14:11.000 That's an immense number of people that died.

01:14:14.000 I mean, take the numbers with the benefit of the doubt.

01:14:18.000 It's maybe 15 million.

01:14:19.000 Who the hell knows?

01:14:20.000 But, you know, that's what some people speculate that the number was.

01:14:23.000 Yeah, how would they know, right?

01:14:24.000 20 million people's a guess back then, right?

01:14:26.000 Of course.

01:14:27.000 But it's brutal civil war wrecking China for a bunch, which is one of the reasons why a bunch of Chinese people migrated to California at the time when there was the gold rush is because southern China was getting wrecked left and right. 0.55

01:14:38.000 What was this dude's name again?

01:14:40.000 The guy's name was Hong something.

01:14:42.000 Let me see.

01:14:44.000 A lot of people are going to want to play that guy on video games.

01:14:47.000 That's going to be their name. 1.00

01:14:50.000 Go on as this bad motherfucker. 1.00

01:14:54.000 Convinced a bunch of people he was Jesus' brother. 1.00

01:14:56.000 Ah, shit. 0.99

01:14:56.000 I have no idea how to pronounce it. 0.99

01:14:58.000 That's a high-level pimp game right there, son.

01:15:01.000 I have no idea.

01:15:02.000 It's hard to pronounce.

01:15:04.000 I make it up.

01:15:05.000 How do you spell it?

01:15:06.000 It's H. Well, Chinese is spelled two different ways depending on how you, but the one that I'm using was H-O-N-G. That's one word. 0.99

01:15:16.000 And then the next word is X-I-U-Q-U-A-N. Wow, so good luck. 1.00

01:15:25.000 It's really fascinating the way the Chinese have their language, you know, it's phonetic obviously because they have totally different characters than we have, but the way they've expressed it in like the letters that we use, so it's bizarre.

01:15:38.000 Some of the words are really strange, especially like with X's and them and shit.

01:15:41.000 Yeah, I mean, my wife was Chinese and she was trying to teach me some Chinese and I was like, I mean, I couldn't say it because she kind of hated Japanese people, but I was thinking, Jesus, couldn't you just be Japanese? 0.96

01:15:52.000 It's so much easier.

01:15:53.000 Japanese is easier to learn?

01:15:54.000 It's way easier.

01:15:55.000 The way you read it is kind of the way you pronounce it.

01:15:58.000 There's only one tone.

01:16:00.000 It's easier.

01:16:01.000 Chinese is the same exact word with a tiny different accent.

01:16:05.000 It means completely different things.

01:16:07.000 There are like four different accents for each word.

01:16:09.000 Oh, no.

01:16:10.000 So it's just like, how can anybody say anything?

01:16:14.000 Oh, wow.

01:16:15.000 So you think it's more complicated than English?

01:16:17.000 They say English is a hard one to learn, though, for some reason. 0.99

01:16:20.000 I mean, I'm sure if that's where you come from, if you speak Chinese or something, yeah, English must be a pain in the ass. 1.00

01:16:25.000 But for anybody coming from a vaguely Latin-based background or any of the Western languages trying to pick up any tonal language, like Chinese, Vietnamese, some of those, it's just like, good luck with that. 0.98

01:16:39.000 It is pretty fucked up that we all speak in different languages. 0.99

01:16:42.000 How many problems would be solved if everybody spoke one language? 0.99

01:16:48.000 That would be nice.

01:16:48.000 Would that solve anything?

01:16:50.000 Sort of, at this point in time, would it?

01:16:52.000 People hate each other from here to Irvine, so you don't have to...

01:16:56.000 But it would help.

01:16:58.000 It would be better than nothing, that's for sure.

01:17:00.000 It is pretty crazy how different languages are, too.

01:17:02.000 I mean, the difference between Chinese and Norway.

01:17:06.000 Norwegian and Chinese.

01:17:07.000 Is there a bigger difference?

01:17:09.000 Is it even possible to get something more...

01:17:12.000 Or Chinese and, you know... 0.94

01:17:13.000 How about Chinese and African?

01:17:15.000 Yeah, there are all those tribal languages where they don't have just the letters.

01:17:19.000 They have all the cliques.

01:17:20.000 Yeah.

01:17:21.000 That's awesome.

01:17:23.000 Fascinating, man.

01:17:24.000 It's just so incredible how it evolves differently in different areas, but it all evolves, you know?

01:17:30.000 How many different languages are there?

01:17:33.000 Are there hundreds?

01:17:34.000 Thousands? 1.00

01:17:36.000 I'm gonna go on some bullshit, guys, and say... 0.99

01:17:39.000 Well, surviving today? 0.99

01:17:41.000 Yeah.

01:17:41.000 Because, of course, there are most languages.

01:17:44.000 Wait, wait, but let me bullshit first. 0.98

01:17:46.000 Let's try. 0.98

01:17:48.000 Surviving today, I want to say...

01:17:51.000 250. I'll say...

01:17:54.000 176. I'll say a thousand.

01:17:58.000 I think you're actually closer, the more I'm thinking about it, because there are a bunch of tribal languages that are still spoken.

01:18:03.000 How many languages in the world?

01:18:04.000 Oh my god!

01:18:05.000 There are between 6,800 and 6,900 distinct languages in the modern world. 0.99

01:18:10.000 Holy shit were we off! 0.98

01:18:12.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:18:12.000 Holy shit were we off! 1.00

01:18:14.000 You are the closest. 0.99

01:18:16.000 Dude!

01:18:16.000 Yeah, but I thought I overshot it, to be honest with you.

01:18:20.000 I thought it was probably around 900. Right.

01:18:21.000 Holy shit, that's incredible! 0.99

01:18:24.000 Well, I mean, 90% of that are languages that are dying, that are like 30 people in a tribe still speak. 0.99

01:18:30.000 And it's just like two clicking noises.

01:18:33.000 There's one that has four clicking noises.

01:18:35.000 Well, how bizarre is it when they have places like there's some spots in the Amazon that they're, you know, just recently discovered people in these tribes.

01:18:44.000 And this is the first contact they're having with the modern world.

01:18:48.000 And they're in there with their own wacky language. 0.80

01:18:50.000 They said that one of the few guys who had some contact with them, they promptly killed him.

01:18:54.000 So, yeah, good luck making contact again.

01:18:57.000 Someone made contact with him?

01:18:59.000 Yeah, there was one guy who was like an Indian from a different tribe, so he kind of understood their language.

01:19:05.000 But he also was, you know, more immersed in the modern world and all of that.

01:19:09.000 So he was kind of like in transition between those two worlds.

01:19:12.000 And they killed him.

01:19:13.000 Nobody knows why, but yeah, they whacked him. 1.00

01:19:15.000 Well, I think they probably have heard that some shit goes down when the loggers move in. 0.99

01:19:20.000 That is what happens to these people. 1.00

01:19:23.000 Probably.

01:19:24.000 Yeah, what folks don't know is there's a bunch of people living.

01:19:29.000 I mean, they are people.

01:19:30.000 They're living like people used to live thousands of years ago.

01:19:34.000 They're essentially...

01:19:38.000 You know, living an ancient tribal lifestyle that we didn't really even think existed anymore. 1.00

01:19:44.000 They have their own handmade tools and weapons, and they're wearing fucking crazy leaves on their dicks and shit, and animal skins. 0.99

01:19:53.000 And they're still in there and then these people who are logging are going deeper and deeper into the forest and they're just cutting it down at an astounding rate and there's all these incredible medicines to be found there and all these different plants and animals that haven't even been discovered yet and insects that haven't been discovered yet and who knows what the fuck's in there and they're just chopping that shit down left and right and these people oftentimes are getting caught up in this Where, 0.99

01:20:18.000 you know, they'd lived there in that forest, deep in there for thousands of years, and then all of a sudden, one day they wake up, and they're fucking, they're watching trees fall in the distance. 0.99

01:20:29.000 You're like, what the fuck is going on? 0.99

01:20:31.000 And they're just coming towards you. 1.00

01:20:32.000 It's an inevitable swarm of tree-eating machines, and all these people, these greedy people behind them, and they don't want to move around you, and they're going to chop your fucking trees down. 0.99

01:20:43.000 Get out of here. 0.99

01:20:44.000 Basically, yeah. 0.99

01:20:46.000 Yeah, you're living like a savage.

01:20:48.000 Yeah, they're looking at him like, you're living like a savage out here. 1.00

01:20:51.000 What the fuck are you doing? 1.00

01:20:51.000 We're chopping your shit down. 1.00

01:20:53.000 Meanwhile, those people had a wild life for a long time. 1.00

01:20:56.000 Who's to say their life isn't more interesting? 0.99

01:20:58.000 They're just doing ayahuasca and fishing and shit, you know? 0.99

01:21:01.000 It's not a bad life. 0.99

01:21:02.000 It seems like it would be pretty dope.

01:21:03.000 If you get used to living in the jungle, it's a hard, hard life, but there's a lot of food there.

01:21:09.000 You could become it. 1.00

01:21:11.000 You could become food if you fuck up. 1.00

01:21:14.000 That too. 1.00

01:21:15.000 You zig when you should have zagged. 1.00

01:21:17.000 There's a thing called a Brazilian wandering spider that kills you by giving you an erection until you die. 1.00

01:21:26.000 Yeah, it fucking, it has something to do with nitric oxide, which is like the same stuff that's in, that works in like Viagra and stuff that makes your dick hard. 1.00

01:21:36.000 And apparently this spider hits you with it and it causes some crazy fucking reaction. 1.00

01:21:42.000 It's neurotoxin. 0.99

01:21:43.000 It's the most powerful neurotoxin known to man.

01:21:45.000 And your whole body just completely stiffens up in horrifying agony. 1.00

01:21:51.000 And your dick... 1.00

01:21:52.000 It gets hard as fuck. 1.00

01:21:53.000 So hard it's like breaking. 1.00

01:21:55.000 Like your dick is engorged and breaking. 1.00

01:21:57.000 And even if you survive it, which most people don't survive, but even if you do survive, your dick will be destroyed. 1.00

01:22:04.000 Your dick would be useless. 1.00

01:22:05.000 It would just be a bag of bruises. 1.00

01:22:07.000 That's not like fun.

01:22:08.000 That's just from one bite?

01:22:09.000 From one bite. 0.98

01:22:10.000 What if it just licked you and then you just had a really hot boner all the time? 0.97

01:22:14.000 No, it doesn't work that way, Brian. 0.99

01:22:15.000 Like if you just got a little bit.

01:22:16.000 It doesn't work that way.

01:22:17.000 But I do believe that pharmaceutical companies are like investigating the effect that this thing has on your body to develop new hard-on medications.

01:22:25.000 Yeah.

01:22:26.000 You know, they develop something that gives you a hard-on for a year.

01:22:29.000 That's what they're going to do.

01:22:30.000 That's the next thing.

01:22:32.000 You know, like Viagra's, like, it's not effective enough. 0.99

01:22:34.000 What if I want to fuck 12 hours from now? 0.99

01:22:36.000 I need something with a little more kick to it. 1.00

01:22:38.000 And they came up with Cialis. 0.99

01:22:40.000 They'll have, like, jeans will have these new pockets or these tubes that just kind of go up to the side where you just put your dick in during the day because you have a rock heart. 0.99

01:22:48.000 You know, you're going to have a boner every day. 0.99

01:22:51.000 Tubes? 1.00

01:22:51.000 You know, like you'll have like a little pocket to put your dick in. 1.00

01:22:54.000 Oh, I see. 0.99

01:22:54.000 Like they'll start sewing new pockets in their jeans. 0.99

01:22:56.000 Like a little strap.

01:22:57.000 Right.

01:22:57.000 So it can move around with you.

01:22:59.000 Yeah, it's like a cargo pant pocket for your dick. 1.00

01:23:01.000 No, you're going to have to just point it up towards your belly button. 1.00

01:23:04.000 Oh, that sucks. 0.96

01:23:05.000 And have it peek over the top as you walk it everywhere. 0.99

01:23:08.000 All our dicks are going to have belt buckle marks on them. 1.00

01:23:11.000 Our dicks are going to be like periscopes. 1.00

01:23:14.000 They're going to start forming differently. 0.95

01:23:16.000 That might be actually the most comfortable way to rock it, if you just rock it straight up.

01:23:19.000 Yeah.

01:23:20.000 Yeah, just have some sort of a tent. 0.99

01:23:21.000 Put a dick tent over it. 0.99

01:23:23.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:23:24.000 You know?

01:23:25.000 Mm-hmm.

01:23:25.000 I know exactly what you mean.

01:23:27.000 LAUGHTER That's in the jungle though.

01:23:32.000 Maybe these nice loggers are saving these people from a life of perpetual hard-ons.

01:23:37.000 Yeah.

01:23:39.000 Death by hard-on in the jungle.

01:23:42.000 You ever see that movie, Big River Man?

01:23:43.000 No.

01:23:44.000 Documentary about some crazy guy who swam the length of the Amazon River. 0.97

01:23:47.000 It's disgusting.

01:23:49.000 Why did he do that? 1.00

01:23:49.000 He got all kinds of fucking parasites in his skin and his body. 1.00

01:23:53.000 He was breathing and drinking that water and taking it in. 1.00

01:23:57.000 Why?

01:23:57.000 Oh my god.

01:23:58.000 It's because he's crazy. 0.66

01:23:59.000 He was just this really funny, crazy guy who liked to swim and do these swim endurance things. 1.00

01:24:06.000 Shit. 1.00

01:24:06.000 And, you know, he would do it day after day after day and he's getting delirious and shit. 1.00

01:24:10.000 It's a really strange, like, documentation on this guy.

01:24:14.000 Like, he had done a bunch of different endurance swims before and, you know, like, had got all these people behind him.

01:24:21.000 And it's a documentary that's taken by his son. 0.95

01:24:24.000 It's really interesting because his son, you know, is, like, watching this guy do all this nutty shit and sort of falling apart and all the different parasites he's getting from this water and... 1.00

01:24:34.000 Oh, fucking crazy, man. 0.99

01:24:37.000 And can you imagine that you're, you know, that's your father and you keep the camera, you keep going for the next 20 days as the guy, it's just... 1.00

01:24:42.000 Well, not only that, he would like jump off the boat into the night in the middle of the night and start swimming and they'd have to follow after him with spotlights and shit. 0.98

01:24:49.000 Jesus. 1.00

01:24:49.000 This crazy asshole, there's crocodiles out there and this guy is swimming in the Nile River. 1.00

01:24:55.000 And he survived the whole... 1.00

01:24:56.000 Yeah, he survived.

01:24:57.000 Yeah.

01:24:58.000 Fascinating.

01:24:59.000 You know?

01:25:00.000 And he actually kind of looked like once he cleaned up and dried out and everything like that, he actually looked like he made it through okay.

01:25:05.000 Which is even more crazy.

01:25:07.000 Yeah, that is nuts.

01:25:08.000 Yeah, there's just some dudes out there, man.

01:25:10.000 But I mean, that's the randomness of it all. 0.99

01:25:11.000 You know, you can fucking die in the safest place in the world because a brick fall on you or something. 0.98

01:25:16.000 Or you can swim the Amazon for thousands of miles and come out fine. 1.00

01:25:19.000 What? 1.00

01:25:20.000 What the fuck, man? 1.00

01:25:21.000 Really? 1.00

01:25:22.000 It's a weird thing that people have for wanting to do difficult things.

01:25:27.000 I've always felt that way about Mount Everest.

01:25:29.000 I had a joke about it.

01:25:31.000 Just because something's hard to do doesn't mean it's good to do.

01:25:36.000 People get a little confused.

01:25:38.000 Because the difficult things to do in this life usually come with reward.

01:25:42.000 You know, you risk yourself.

01:25:43.000 You leave your job.

01:25:45.000 You start your own business.

01:25:46.000 And that reward is, oh, it worked.

01:25:48.000 And now you're making it financially.

01:25:50.000 Congratulations, you're a success.

01:25:51.000 There's a risk and there's a reward.

01:25:54.000 In that case, that's not...

01:25:56.000 No, that doesn't look like the reward is...

01:25:58.000 It's not worth it.

01:25:59.000 No, no, no, no.

01:26:02.000 If you could stop...

01:26:06.000 Is there a way that you could ever say that anyone running for president cannot talk about religion?

01:26:13.000 It's almost like even if you believe, it's almost like you shouldn't be allowed to talk about it in the political process.

01:26:20.000 It's almost like you're cheating.

01:26:22.000 You know, it's almost like you're not, you know, you're going after your people, man.

01:26:28.000 You're just trying to get your people to vote.

01:26:30.000 Because they will do it.

01:26:31.000 Of course.

01:26:32.000 That's how a good chunk of Europe is.

01:26:34.000 It was supposed to be that way, though, wasn't it?

01:26:36.000 Yeah, for the longest time.

01:26:37.000 Yeah, but I mean, I think honestly what happened is that Europe got soaked in blood of religious wars for so long that the people got really...

01:26:45.000 Annoyed by it?

01:26:46.000 Yeah.

01:26:46.000 It was like, I'm done.

01:26:47.000 You know, enough of this shit. 1.00

01:26:48.000 They were chopping each other's balls over the fact that you would read this book and I read this one. 1.00

01:26:52.000 How about, you know, do whatever the hell you want. 0.98

01:26:55.000 Let's keep the religion separate for politics. 1.00

01:26:57.000 Right.

01:26:57.000 And be done with it, you know?

01:26:58.000 And so today, in a lot of Europe, you go to churches and they are tourist attractions, you know?

01:27:04.000 In the countryside, no.

01:27:05.000 People are still into it.

01:27:06.000 But in most of the cities, They really are not.

01:27:09.000 Most people don't go.

01:27:11.000 US, whole different game.

01:27:13.000 I think it's the only modern industrialized country where there's this level of insane importance on religion.

01:27:20.000 I mean, today there's no way that an atheist guy could ever even bother running for president. 0.99

01:27:25.000 Has there ever been a time when an atheist could have ran for president?

01:27:28.000 Not in the US. No, never?

01:27:31.000 I mean, some guys were weird, like you take Thomas Jefferson or something, he basically edited the Bible by cutting up all the stuff that he thought was crap, which was most of it, and saving, you know, like, he took out, out of the gospels, he took out the virgin birth, the miracles, all of the stuff that in his mind was a bunch of crap, and then he saved up the parts of Jesus that he likes, saying, yeah, he's...

01:27:55.000 He's a sweet guy.

01:27:55.000 He tells you to be nice to each other.

01:27:57.000 I like that part.

01:27:57.000 We keep that part.

01:27:59.000 And that became the Jefferson Bible.

01:28:01.000 He saved it in a verse.

01:28:02.000 How long was his Bible?

01:28:03.000 Like 50 pages?

01:28:04.000 Yeah, pretty much.

01:28:05.000 No, for real, how long was it?

01:28:06.000 I don't remember how long it was.

01:28:07.000 Wow.

01:28:09.000 What a cocky dude.

01:28:10.000 Yeah.

01:28:11.000 Thinks he can edit the Bible? 1.00

01:28:12.000 Holy shit. 1.00

01:28:13.000 But at the same time... 1.00

01:28:14.000 You think he was a dick? 1.00

01:28:15.000 I mean, it's... 1.00

01:28:16.000 He's probably a dick. 1.00

01:28:18.000 At the same time... 1.00

01:28:19.000 You know, come on, man.

01:28:20.000 You can't edit that thing.

01:28:21.000 But you know what?

01:28:22.000 You don't get to edit it by yourself.

01:28:23.000 The fact is, everybody does.

01:28:26.000 They just don't tell you.

01:28:27.000 Right.

01:28:27.000 Because, you know, everybody highlights the part they like and they completely skip on the part they don't like.

01:28:31.000 And so they come up with their own thing anyway.

01:28:33.000 At least the guy had the guts to say, hey, this is exactly what I'm doing.

01:28:37.000 You know, everybody else does it.

01:28:38.000 They just, you know...

01:28:39.000 Well, there's always so much contradiction.

01:28:42.000 How about religious tattoos?

01:28:43.000 Yeah.

01:28:46.000 That's like strictly prohibited.

01:28:48.000 You're not supposed to tattoo your body, right?

01:28:50.000 No, that's crazy.

01:28:51.000 Is that in the Bible?

01:28:51.000 Yeah, you get that.

01:28:53.000 In fact, for example, a lot of Jewish people, no tattoos, none of them.

01:28:58.000 You get all those things like... 0.85

01:29:01.000 That's why Jewish girls with tattoos are hot. 1.00

01:29:03.000 Bitches are gambling. 1.00

01:29:06.000 There's one that I threw in there that's... 1.00

01:29:09.000 What did I call that one?

01:29:11.000 Oh, it's entitled Christian Fundamentalist.

01:29:13.000 I would love to introduce you to my pet king, Cobra.

01:29:17.000 And there's actually a reason for that.

01:29:18.000 Because in the Gospels, there's this story of Jesus telling you that if you really have faith in him, if you are a true Christian and you have faith and all of that, you could take poison, snakes could assault you and bite you, and you'll be totally fine. 0.73

01:29:33.000 And I was like, wow, you know, if that's what Jesus is saying and if this is what you guys believe, hey, let me bring out the snakes.

01:29:41.000 Let's have it a try.

01:29:42.000 And it's like one of two things are going on. 0.98

01:29:44.000 Either you know that the stuff you believe in is crap and you don't really believe it. 0.98

01:29:51.000 Or you know that there are no good Christians, because, sorry, that's not the way it works. 0.99

01:29:57.000 Today, I don't care how much faith you have.

01:29:58.000 It's like nobody can survive taking the most poisonous stuff on earth.

01:30:02.000 Right. 0.87

01:30:03.000 Or you're telling me that that line in the Bible is crap, and it was put in there by somebody else, but it's not real, in which case it doesn't exactly say great things about the reliability of the whole thing, but it's like there's no getting out of it. 0.82

01:30:17.000 Like, how do you get out of that, you know? 0.97

01:30:19.000 I had a conversation with a guy recently that was telling me that there are people that believe so much that they can drink poison and not die.

01:30:27.000 And I was like, oh man, what a crazy conversation we're having here.

01:30:30.000 I doubt that.

01:30:32.000 You know, and if you see, this is not scientific.

01:30:34.000 This is not something that's been proven by studies.

01:30:36.000 Like, does someone say that they absolutely believe that someone can take poison and not die because they're believing themselves?

01:30:41.000 There's only one way to tell, homie. 0.97

01:30:44.000 Take that poison.

01:30:46.000 It's like, hey, I'm not saying it's not true.

01:30:47.000 Let's try.

01:30:48.000 Convince me.

01:30:49.000 Hey, if you are right, you have zillions of people following and you'll be the greatest asset to Christianity ever because you made millions converts.

01:30:59.000 And actually, to tell the fact that some of these guys really are serious about it, there have been a bunch of people where, particularly in...

01:31:08.000 In a lot of, like, Carolinas, Tennessee, a few places where there was this tradition of snake handlers that they would, you know, let poisonous snakes bite them.

01:31:16.000 And, you know, quite a few of these guys died miserable deaths, and then some of them, the poison wasn't that much, so they managed to survive and all of that. 0.99

01:31:23.000 But I'm like, damn, really? 0.98

01:31:26.000 Jesus Christ. 0.99

01:31:27.000 Yeah, literally.

01:31:28.000 What a way to go.

01:31:29.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:31:31.000 But...

01:31:32.000 But I love it. 0.78

01:31:33.000 When you have things like that, I'm like, hey, I'm not telling you it's crap, I'm not saying it's not true.

01:31:37.000 It's there, let's test it.

01:31:39.000 That just...

01:31:40.000 Let's just have it that way.

01:31:43.000 People need something, man.

01:31:45.000 They're always going to need something, whether they're going to need, you know, liberalism, you know, conservativism.

01:31:52.000 They need a path.

01:31:53.000 They need someone to just chop out the brush for them and point them in the right direction, whether it's, you know, Christianity, whether it's atheism.

01:32:00.000 I've met atheists that might as well have been religious.

01:32:04.000 They're so anti-religion that it's a religion in and of itself.

01:32:10.000 I had a chapter that was supposed to go in the book that was basically saying that atheist and hardcore fundamentalists are twins separated at birth because they are both based on certainty on how the universe works and all of that.

01:32:23.000 But then my publisher decided that you already are offending people of seven million different religions.

01:32:29.000 We want to sell some books.

01:32:30.000 How about we skip the atheist chapter? 0.99

01:32:32.000 When they both have in commas, they would all shit their pants if they saw an alien. 0.96

01:32:38.000 That I think everybody has that income. 0.99

01:32:40.000 That's the trump card, is the aliens. 1.00

01:32:42.000 If a real fucking alien battleship, like all these stupid movies that keep coming out, there's another stupid movie coming out where it comes out of the ocean and they fucking go to war with the American military. 1.00

01:32:52.000 They're shooting cannons at this fucking crazy robot monstrosity thing that pops out of the ocean. 1.00

01:32:58.000 Damn, I missed that jewel of cinematography. 0.99

01:33:00.000 It's not out yet. 0.99

01:33:01.000 It's coming.

01:33:01.000 You can get a break for yourself.

01:33:03.000 I think it's in a March.

01:33:05.000 But whatever it is, that is a never-ending theme. 0.91

01:33:08.000 A never-ending theme is someone way smarter than us coming down and just fucking our world up. 0.89

01:33:13.000 You know, hurling missiles through buildings, buildings explode. 0.87

01:33:17.000 It's like a standard vision.

01:33:19.000 I have this Chinese doctor who, when nobody could...

01:33:22.000 There were all this weird stuff going on with my body.

01:33:24.000 Nobody could figure it out.

01:33:25.000 This guy was amazing.

01:33:26.000 He just fixed me like that.

01:33:28.000 But the last time I saw him, he spent a half hour telling me about those motherships coming at the end of 2012, and who knows whether they are nice or not.

01:33:37.000 He was really going into it.

01:33:39.000 I was like...

01:33:40.000 What if he's right?

01:33:41.000 Seriously.

01:33:42.000 He was right. 0.99

01:33:43.000 When all the motherfuckers with their degrees and in suit and tie, all the top doctors from Kaiser and all of that couldn't figure anything out from him. 1.00

01:33:51.000 This crazy ass dude in the... 1.00

01:33:53.000 Did he use acupuncture or something? 1.00

01:33:54.000 Yeah, he did acupuncture.

01:33:55.000 He gave me herbs.

01:33:56.000 I mean, I was desperate, so I'm like, I'm going to try anything.

01:33:59.000 But the dude is literally in this hole in the wall.

01:34:02.000 He's wearing five watches.

01:34:03.000 I don't...

01:34:07.000 That's where all those baby mamas are staying all over the world. 1.00

01:34:10.000 That's funny. 0.98

01:34:11.000 So I'm like, oh damn, this is... 0.98

01:34:13.000 But what do I have to lose at this point? 0.97

01:34:15.000 And hey, the guy fixed it in no time.

01:34:17.000 He told me it's your back.

01:34:18.000 Acupuncture will fix your back.

01:34:19.000 And then you have an infection.

01:34:21.000 I'll give you the herbs and you'll be fine.

01:34:22.000 Wow, an infection.

01:34:23.000 What kind of infection?

01:34:24.000 Yeah, no idea.

01:34:25.000 But it was like, this stuff will basically, whatever it is, we'll get rid of it.

01:34:29.000 Really?

01:34:29.000 And sure enough, because, I mean, they did, at Kaiser, I had like seven gazillion tests done from MRIs to blood work to everything, you name it.

01:34:39.000 They couldn't figure out anything.

01:34:40.000 Was this stress-related because of your situation?

01:34:43.000 I'm sure, I'm sure.

01:34:43.000 Yeah.

01:34:43.000 I mean, but stress can cause real stuff.

01:34:46.000 It can be not just some psychosomatic stuff.

01:34:48.000 It can really fuck you up in specific ways.

01:34:51.000 I mean, yeah, it was stress-related, but who knows specifically what it is?

01:34:56.000 Nobody could figure it out.

01:34:58.000 And then the crazy Chinese guy saved me, the one who was telling me about UFOs the whole time. 0.99

01:35:03.000 That's what I mean about baby.

01:35:04.000 So while he was fixing you, he was telling you about UFOs and it still worked?

01:35:08.000 Yeah, absolutely.

01:35:08.000 Totally.

01:35:09.000 So that's almost like eliminating the placebo effect. 1.00

01:35:11.000 You're like, this guy's fucking crazy. 1.00

01:35:14.000 Yeah, big time. 1.00

01:35:15.000 He's talking to me about UFOs.

01:35:17.000 People love the idea of UFOs. 0.99

01:35:19.000 It's a fucking amazing idea for them. 0.98

01:35:22.000 It's fun. 0.99

01:35:22.000 You know, it's so exciting. 0.99

01:35:24.000 It is.

01:35:24.000 You know, that they're out there and that they're watching and they're coming in.

01:35:28.000 You don't know whether they are your friends or they kill you.

01:35:31.000 Yeah.

01:35:35.000 I'm not saying that they're not real.

01:35:38.000 I'm not saying there's not really a guy in the clouds.

01:35:42.000 I'm not seeing anything.

01:35:44.000 I'm not seeing anything compelling.

01:35:46.000 It's possible.

01:35:47.000 I leave it open that it would come.

01:35:49.000 But I'm not seeing anything compelling.

01:35:52.000 Not even the birth of a child, Joe.

01:35:54.000 That's not what we're talking about. 1.00

01:35:55.000 We're talking about UFOs, you fuckhead. 1.00

01:35:57.000 You just tuned out and tuned back in. 1.00

01:36:00.000 You took my words completely out of context.

01:36:03.000 How dare you?

01:36:04.000 But if the aliens did land, that would be the end of everything.

01:36:09.000 If there was something way smarter than us, we would just have to give up.

01:36:13.000 Right?

01:36:14.000 We would have to.

01:36:15.000 We would be so stunned.

01:36:18.000 That's when cults would just rise up.

01:36:20.000 That would be a dark moment.

01:36:22.000 If a real alien culture did come here for another planet, people would really get frantic. 0.50

01:36:27.000 That's when people would really stock up on food and.50 caliber guns.

01:36:32.000 Yeah, but what that's going to do if you're dealing with something that's so much more powerful, so much smarter. 0.96

01:36:40.000 You think it's possible for a society to get smart enough to be able to travel through space and go and fuck with other people on another planet? 0.91

01:36:46.000 I mean, look at the stuff we do today. 0.94

01:36:48.000 If somebody asks you if it was possible 50 years ago, it looks like magic.

01:36:52.000 Right, but we're always like one fuck-up away from blowing each other sky high.

01:36:57.000 That one doesn't rule the other.

01:36:58.000 It doesn't rule out the other.

01:37:00.000 You know, the fact that you can be incredibly smart and come up with all this awesome stuff doesn't mean you are wise enough to know how to deal with it and not fuck everything up, which is...

01:37:09.000 Humanity right there.

01:37:10.000 Yeah, that is humanity in a nutshell. 0.98

01:37:12.000 It would be such a fucking shame if we library of Alexandria this whole thing. 0.99

01:37:19.000 Boom! 0.99

01:37:19.000 Just torched this whole civilization and had to really start from scratch. 0.99

01:37:24.000 Yeah, that would seriously ruin my day, I think.

01:37:26.000 Well, that is the one sort of, I don't want to say justification, but the one sort of argument for having one powerful military that dominates the rest of the world.

01:37:35.000 Is that by doing that, at least they keep everybody else from blowing everything up.

01:37:40.000 They keep your military from growing to the point where you are able to make the same decisions that we can make.

01:37:46.000 We don't want that.

01:37:48.000 There's an argument in that, I guess.

01:37:50.000 If you look at the statistics, what people are like, what the potential for people to behave is like.

01:37:57.000 I'm not a big fan of the U.S. government, but when I compare it to a lot of...

01:38:01.000 There are a bunch of places and governments that I would like better, and there are many others that I'm like, Jesus Christ, give me George Bush again. 0.98

01:38:08.000 Just give me the worst crap in the U.S. ever, and still I like it better than the Taliban, you know? 1.00

01:38:14.000 Yeah, no kidding, right? 1.00

01:38:15.000 Isn't it funny?

01:38:16.000 Yeah.

01:38:17.000 But it's amazing the spectrum of different sort of regimes that exist at the same time.

01:38:23.000 Like what's going on right now in Syria.

01:38:25.000 And while, you know, the Americas are complaining about the National Defense Authorization Act, which takes away a lot of civil liberties.

01:38:33.000 Right. 0.99

01:38:33.000 Nothing compared to what the fuck is going on in the Middle East. 0.99

01:38:36.000 You know, the riots of Arab Spring and what's going on right now in Egypt and the power void in Iraq. 0.99

01:38:42.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:38:43.000 There's parts of the world right now that are fucked up. 0.99

01:38:47.000 A lot. 0.99

01:38:48.000 A lot, a lot, a lot.

01:38:49.000 I think we as Americans can barely even wrap our heads around that.

01:38:52.000 It doesn't even seem real.

01:38:53.000 Of course.

01:38:53.000 Because unless you leave it, it's like something you see on TV for 30 seconds.

01:38:57.000 That doesn't mean shit. 0.94

01:38:58.000 That's like the one argument for a powerful military right there. 0.99

01:39:01.000 The fucking rest of the world. 0.98

01:39:03.000 People always say that I've been accused of being a liberal. 0.99

01:39:07.000 I've been accused of being anti-military, which I'm absolutely not.

01:39:10.000 I'm always anti the people that are pointing the military in certain directions.

01:39:14.000 That's what I'm anti.

01:39:15.000 I'm anti a lot of the people's decisions at the very top of the heap.

01:39:20.000 But as far as having a military, yeah, you better.

01:39:23.000 Yeah.

01:39:25.000 Because the rest of the world does.

01:39:27.000 It's good to have a military. 1.00

01:39:28.000 It's very good to keep an eye on all these crazy assholes all over the world, too. 1.00

01:39:34.000 That's the thing. 1.00

01:39:36.000 People in the U.S., they grow up with everything about the country is amazing and wonderful. 0.99

01:39:40.000 And then when they find out that it's not all amazing and wonderful, that some bad shit happened, they go to the extreme opposite and it's like, everything that's American is horrible, terrible, and the U.S. is responsible for everything that's evil in the world. 0.98

01:39:51.000 And it's like, No, that's not it either. 0.98

01:39:53.000 It's more complicated than that.

01:39:55.000 It's very complicated.

01:39:56.000 The economy in and of itself is very complicated.

01:39:59.000 A lot of laws that are in place are very complicated.

01:40:02.000 And one of the reasons why they're in place is because getting rid of laws gets rid of jobs for police officers.

01:40:06.000 People don't like that.

01:40:08.000 That's one of the big problems with drug enforcement. 0.92

01:40:11.000 Drug enforcement as a business, the drug enforcement agency, it's a business.

01:40:15.000 Drug enforcing is a business.

01:40:17.000 You're spending money, jobs are created. 0.80

01:40:19.000 This is how ridiculous it gets.

01:40:21.000 In Florida, they had people that were pretending to be high school students. 0.91

01:40:24.000 You know the story?

01:40:25.000 Oh yeah, I read it.

01:40:26.000 I think you tweeted it.

01:40:27.000 Yeah, I tweeted it recently.

01:40:29.000 There's been more than one case of these.

01:40:31.000 One of them, they arrested 28 kids, and another one, this woman was hot, and she was 25, and she was flirting with 15-year-old boys. 0.96

01:40:39.000 They became Facebook friends, they were texting each other, and she was flirting with him, asking him to get her weed.

01:40:44.000 So he got her weed, this poor kid, this poor love-smitten kid, got her weed, and he said he didn't even want to take money for it.

01:40:51.000 He said it was a gift.

01:40:51.000 She couldn't give him money.

01:40:53.000 And then they arrest him, and now they're going to charge him with a potential nine years in jail or something crazy. 1.00

01:40:59.000 You know, what an asshole thing to do. 1.00

01:41:02.000 What a crazy, ridiculous asshole thing to do. 1.00

01:41:05.000 And that goes back to that point. 1.00

01:41:06.000 It's like, why the fuck do people feel the need to tell other people how to live? 0.99

01:41:10.000 You don't like weed, don't smoke it. 0.99

01:41:12.000 That's what we're talking about.

01:41:13.000 It's a business.

01:41:14.000 There's jobs that were created in that sting.

01:41:17.000 They created a sting. 0.94

01:41:18.000 They went into high school and they got kids to sell them weed. 0.99

01:41:21.000 And they did it in such a sneaky, fucked up way. 0.99

01:41:24.000 The fact that a 25-year-old woman could ever have a position where she talks a boy into anything and have that boy responsible for it. 1.00

01:41:33.000 Dude, a boy, a 15-year-old boy has no idea what the fuck is going on. 1.00

01:41:37.000 He just sees tits and skin and lips and she's touching his hand and his dick is hard and he can't even believe she's talking to him. 1.00

01:41:45.000 Of course. 0.99

01:41:46.000 He can't even believe she's talking to him.

01:41:47.000 I'll get you weed. 1.00

01:41:48.000 I'll get you whatever the fuck you want. 1.00

01:41:50.000 Yep. 1.00

01:41:50.000 He can't believe she's so hot. 1.00

01:41:52.000 She looks like a woman. 0.68

01:41:53.000 Because she is a woman! 1.00

01:41:54.000 That fucking bitch is totally cheating. 1.00

01:41:56.000 She's not 15. She's not a fellow high school student. 1.00

01:41:59.000 She's a 25-year-old cop.

01:42:01.000 Right. 1.00

01:42:02.000 Assholes. 1.00

01:42:03.000 How ridiculous. 1.00

01:42:04.000 But that's the thing. 0.97

01:42:05.000 I get it.

01:42:06.000 There are jobs in that.

01:42:07.000 Fine.

01:42:07.000 I get it.

01:42:08.000 But isn't it possible to figure out a way to...

01:42:11.000 They don't want to get shot busting down a meth lab.

01:42:14.000 Meth labs are hard to break into. 0.98

01:42:16.000 Isn't there enough real shit going on where people could work to solve real problems going on? 0.99

01:42:22.000 Yeah, you would hope. 0.99

01:42:23.000 You would hope.

01:42:24.000 But, you know, I don't think it's that logical.

01:42:27.000 I think it's a money grab.

01:42:29.000 I think people go where the money is, and there is money right now in enforcing the current drug laws.

01:42:34.000 There's a lot of jobs that would be lost.

01:42:36.000 If we just said, alright, pot's legal, sorry. 0.98

01:42:39.000 You know how many fucking people are going to be out of jobs? 0.99

01:42:41.000 Sure. 0.99

01:42:41.000 That's a real issue. 0.99

01:42:43.000 And it's something that should be corrected too.

01:42:45.000 There should be a bill that addresses that as well and says, listen, we're going to replace these drug enforcement jobs with the jobs where they're doing something more helpful. 0.97

01:42:57.000 Whatever the fuck it is. 0.95

01:42:59.000 Border security. 1.00

01:43:00.000 Whatever the fuck it is. 0.99

01:43:02.000 Something that makes more sense. 1.00

01:43:04.000 Border security is a terrible example.

01:43:07.000 Put them in torpedoes.

01:43:08.000 Or submarines, rather.

01:43:10.000 Get them to patrol the ocean.

01:43:13.000 These aren't really well thought out ideas.

01:43:16.000 But if you were trying to come up with a good bill, a good bill would be make marijuana legal, make it readily available and sellable, and then take the jobs that will be lost in drug enforcement and put them into something positive.

01:43:27.000 Whatever it could be.

01:43:28.000 Forestry, whatever.

01:43:29.000 Whatever jobs.

01:43:30.000 Then the issue would be those people wouldn't be qualified for those jobs.

01:43:33.000 So how do those people benefit from it?

01:43:35.000 Are those people just going to be shit out of luck and have to come up with a whole new career?

01:43:38.000 Not all jobs require you to study for 20 years. 0.94

01:43:43.000 I'm sure there could be a period of training where they still get their money as they are getting trained for the job.

01:43:48.000 But what if you were in drug enforcement for like 25 years?

01:43:50.000 Which a lot of guys are.

01:43:52.000 And then all of a sudden it's banished. 0.86

01:43:57.000 It kind of sucks for them.

01:43:58.000 It's not their fault. 0.98

01:43:59.000 It's not your fault when you're a young cop and you think that this is, well, it's the law, it's what it is, what it is.

01:44:04.000 It's almost not your fault.

01:44:06.000 You're suckered into doing something that's actually immoral.

01:44:09.000 Right.

01:44:09.000 It just seems like it's OK because it's behind the wall of something written down on paper somewhere.

01:44:15.000 But the reality of it is it's pretty fucking immoral. 0.94

01:44:17.000 You know, when you're when you're locking a kid up in a cage because you caught him with some plants or some fungus, you know, that's absolutely it's it's reprehensible. 0.96

01:44:26.000 And everyone knows it inherently.

01:44:27.000 They know it inside.

01:44:28.000 Right.

01:44:29.000 And if you don't, you're fooling yourself.

01:44:30.000 It's really that simple.

01:44:33.000 Right.

01:44:33.000 It's just, it's just, it's amazing that we still have to have these conversations.

01:44:36.000 And not only that we can, because if you look at the political scene, nobody, not Republicans, not Democrats, I mean, nobody who has a shot at winning, let's put it that way, would even bring up this topic, because it's political suicide.

01:44:49.000 You know, it's like, you're soft on drag, you really want five-year-olds to be shooting air, you know, it's like...

01:44:55.000 The problem is those dangerous drugs, man. 0.99

01:44:57.000 The problem is those drugs that fucking suck, and we need to really get it out there to kids. 1.00

01:45:02.000 Don't fuck with heroin. 1.00

01:45:03.000 Don't fuck with meth. 1.00

01:45:05.000 Don't fuck with all these dangerous ones. 1.00

01:45:07.000 If things were legal, like if cocaine was legal, you would actually buy real cocaine. 1.00

01:45:13.000 You would go to a pharmacy or whatever the fuck you would buy if it was legal, and you could buy real cocaine. 0.77

01:45:19.000 You know, you're not getting real cocaine now. 0.99

01:45:21.000 You're getting real cocaine that Joey Diaz bought and chopped up.

01:45:24.000 You know what I mean?

01:45:25.000 Who knows what you're getting?

01:45:27.000 I once met Albert Hoffman, the guy who created LSD. And one of the things he was telling me was, you know, most of the stuff that goes for LSD around the world is not LSD. Because the stuff, the way I make it, it uses certain compounds that are so rare that there's no way that it could support such much production.

01:45:45.000 There just isn't enough of that stuff.

01:45:47.000 Wow.

01:45:48.000 So you say whatever they sell out there, I have no idea what the hell it is, but it's certainly not my stuff.

01:45:53.000 And he argued, who knows, maybe it's true, maybe it's not, but he argued that his stuff would give you kind of all the benefits of LSD without all the crap from street LSD. So street LSD, though, is still giving you the same benefits as the stuff that he produces?

01:46:08.000 It just wasn't as taxing in the body, is that what it is? 0.99

01:46:12.000 Yeah, they made that shit illegal too. 1.00

01:46:14.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:46:14.000 Too much. 1.00

01:46:15.000 He was actually, you see this guy, he's like a Swiss chemist, so very serious, old dude, very, now he's been dead for a while, but he's, and he was originally looking for a cure for headache, like he was working on a headache pill, and he came up with LSD. That was pretty funny.

01:46:33.000 Yeah, didn't he come up with it and not even realize it, he took it, he accidentally got it in his skin, and it was riding home on his bike, and just tripping his fucking balls off. 0.99

01:46:40.000 Yep. 0.99

01:46:40.000 Not knowing what he did. 0.99

01:46:42.000 They had no idea what the dosage was back then.

01:46:45.000 Because LSD, the dosage to body ratio has been compared to an ant demolishing the Empire State Building in 30 seconds. 0.99

01:46:55.000 Literally, that's how powerful a little tiny drop of this shit is. 1.00

01:47:00.000 He didn't know that, man. 1.00

01:47:01.000 He probably just was drinking glasses of it.

01:47:03.000 He was doing it.

01:47:05.000 Acid shots.

01:47:08.000 He was probably Shots of acid.

01:47:11.000 Oh my god.

01:47:12.000 But I have to tell you, I met the guy in his 80s and he seemed perfectly coherent and totally logical still and all of that.

01:47:17.000 So who knows?

01:47:18.000 Maybe he was right. 0.73

01:47:19.000 There's a different look that those old guys that have done acid have in their eyes. 0.95

01:47:23.000 Right.

01:47:24.000 It is a different look.

01:47:27.000 There's a weird thing that you get sometimes when you're talking to one of those old acid dudes. 0.98

01:47:32.000 You might have seen some shit that's not available anymore. 0.98

01:47:35.000 They might have seen some limited production view of life through acid. 0.99

01:47:40.000 You know, acid in the 60s, I would have loved to have seen what it was like.

01:47:44.000 Like the flower children of the San Francisco early 1960s.

01:47:48.000 I watched that Hunter S. Thompson documentary, Gonzo, The Life and Times of Dr. And it's a fucking fun documentary, but one of the things it talks about was the utopia of the acid culture of the early 1960s in San Francisco. 0.99

01:48:03.000 And they show all these people running around, holding hands together, tripping their fucking balls off. 0.98

01:48:07.000 It's really interesting, man. 0.99

01:48:09.000 That whole fucking part of the world, it wasn't illegal yet, and that whole part of the world was just... 1.00

01:48:18.000 Blossoming with all these new ideas and new music and this new like sort of wild psychedelic culture was all like emanating out of this one place and they fucking threw the water on it and squashed that shit. 1.00

01:48:29.000 It's amazing. 0.99

01:48:29.000 Even if you just listen to the music alone and you listen to what was in the 1950s and then you switch to the 60s, it's like what the hell just happened? 0.99

01:48:36.000 It's like it's a whole other universe right there. 1.00

01:48:39.000 Yeah, they came up with some fucking incredible shit. 1.00

01:48:42.000 And Ricks. 1.00

01:48:43.000 Yeah.

01:48:43.000 And it all happened.

01:48:44.000 I mean, a lot of it all happened in that area of San Francisco.

01:48:47.000 Yep.

01:48:48.000 You know, there are moments in time, man, where if time travel isn't possible, but time recreation is, if they ever figure out a way to recreate, like, we could just go in and peek.

01:48:58.000 That would be fun.

01:48:59.000 You know, like, remember those things that you had when you were a kid, the view sliders, and it was like dinosaur, and you would click, click, and it would, like, be the next dinosaur.

01:49:06.000 Right.

01:49:07.000 If there was something you could put on, some goggles, and just take a view as to what life was like in a certain area five million years ago. 0.98

01:49:16.000 Be like a fucking security camera on the wall a hundred million years ago in the jungle and watch dinosaurs run down jacking things. 0.97

01:49:25.000 That would be pretty damn fun. 0.99

01:49:26.000 I wonder if that would be eventually possible.

01:49:29.000 Maybe you can't have travel back in time, but you can't have a view.

01:49:35.000 Or even if they just had some amazing computer simulation of what had happened.

01:49:39.000 Yeah, I sat up for that.

01:49:40.000 I think I'm good with it. 1.00

01:49:42.000 Yeah, what the fuck. 1.00

01:49:45.000 We're lucky. 1.00

01:49:46.000 We're very lucky we're living in 2012. We would have been dead at any other time in history.

01:49:51.000 We're too weak.

01:49:52.000 We wouldn't be able to deal with the caveman era or the Babylonian Empire or the Sumerian days.

01:49:58.000 When was Conan supposed to take place? 0.95

01:50:00.000 Conan is funny because he actually uses a lot of history, but then he argues that he makes up a lot of crap, of course.

01:50:07.000 But he uses a lot of real history.

01:50:09.000 Robert E. Howard did?

01:50:10.000 What did he use?

01:50:11.000 A lot.

01:50:12.000 If you look at his maps, they are based on, you know, many of the cultures in his sort of fantasy world are based then on cultures that eventually evolve in real historical times that we know of, but it's supposed to predate all the stuff we know.

01:50:25.000 So he argues that there was Atlantis and this super powerful civilization and that collapsed and the world went into this hardcore barbarism and then civilizations were rising up again and that's when Conan sets in and then the history we know of that comes down the road.

01:50:41.000 Why is that so appealing for men?

01:50:43.000 I mean, the guy goes around chopping people's head off, grabbing all the most beautiful women in the land.

01:50:49.000 I mean, do I need to go on? 0.86

01:50:50.000 He drinks all the time.

01:50:51.000 Yeah, but that era.

01:50:55.000 Not that era, rather, but that genre.

01:50:58.000 The sorcery and the snakes and the monsters.

01:51:02.000 He's always fighting. 1.00

01:51:04.000 Conan had the coolest fucking stories. 0.99

01:51:06.000 What is it? 0.99

01:51:07.000 It literally, essentially, taps into the young male fantasy.

01:51:11.000 Especially as you become older.

01:51:13.000 I mean, my 40s.

01:51:15.000 I'm supposed to drop that.

01:51:16.000 I'm not supposed to be into the next Conan movie. 0.92

01:51:20.000 Someone get it Right, like that's ridiculous. 0.94

01:51:22.000 That's preposterous. 0.95

01:51:23.000 I'm a father and a grown man and I'm into Conan the Barbarian.

01:51:26.000 Ah, who cares?

01:51:27.000 Conan is an agent.

01:51:27.000 I know, but it becomes, I mean, it taps into like a real adolescent childhood sort of fantasy genre thing in our heads.

01:51:37.000 I mean, who doesn't want it, right?

01:51:38.000 It's like, what was in the movie?

01:51:40.000 What's best in life, Conan?

01:51:42.000 Yeah.

01:51:43.000 To crush your enemies, have them driven before you, to hear the lamentations of the women.

01:51:49.000 Is that what it is?

01:51:49.000 Lamentations?

01:51:51.000 I used to say lamination.

01:51:54.000 You know it's funny, I actually grew up, I watched Conan a million times in Italian and so I never really heard it in English and when I heard Arnold speaking it, I was like, Jesus, this is a whole completely different movie watching it.

01:52:09.000 What was the original voice like?

01:52:11.000 Like, hey, come here.

01:52:12.000 No, he was just this manly, tough guy, but nothing particular striking about it.

01:52:17.000 Yeah, very normal.

01:52:17.000 Nobody ever gets it right when they do like a voiceover.

01:52:20.000 They hardly ever get it right. 0.96

01:52:21.000 But that time, maybe because I listened to that one first, I was like, oh God, the English version sucks. 0.98

01:52:27.000 It's painful. 0.97

01:52:28.000 Really?

01:52:29.000 Yeah.

01:52:29.000 So the English version with Arnold wasn't as good?

01:52:31.000 How dare you.

01:52:32.000 Because it makes you laugh.

01:52:33.000 Is it his voice?

01:52:34.000 Yeah.

01:52:35.000 Especially when you don't expect it.

01:52:37.000 Because I was used to seeing Conan speaking like a regular human being.

01:52:40.000 And I'm singing, by the way, with the thick accent I have.

01:52:43.000 Yeah, exactly.

01:52:44.000 You're ranking on his accent.

01:52:45.000 Listen to you, man.

01:52:46.000 My accent is great.

01:52:47.000 Arnold.

01:52:48.000 Well, your accent has a certain amount of classical flair to it.

01:52:51.000 The Italian accent.

01:52:52.000 Welcome to the Olive Garden.

01:52:54.000 A roll to a tongue.

01:52:56.000 Say that.

01:52:57.000 Welcome to the Olive Garden.

01:52:58.000 Welcome to the Olive Garden.

01:53:00.000 That's awesome.

01:53:01.000 He's going to use that for a video now.

01:53:03.000 That's my new ringtone. 1.00

01:53:04.000 Fucking weirdo. 1.00

01:53:05.000 He's got a love affair with the Olive Garden. 1.00

01:53:08.000 It's his religion.

01:53:10.000 He didn't go with Judaism.

01:53:12.000 Somebody tweeted me yesterday that I was supposed to tell him that I saw him at the Olive Garden. 1.00

01:53:17.000 What the fuck? 1.00

01:53:18.000 What a weird, stupid running joke. 1.00

01:53:21.000 It will go on forever, too. 1.00

01:53:23.000 He will not let it go.

01:53:24.000 It's the strangest thing you've ever seen. 0.79

01:53:26.000 You know, speaking of people tweeting and stuff, I wanted to mention your fans are fucking awesome.

01:53:31.000 I've never been around people who are, like, after the first podcast, I got a million different people on Facebook.

01:53:37.000 Now I started Twitter and stuff.

01:53:38.000 And, you know, every single person I've run into has been really smart, really nice, super polite, but you check out their pages and they all have, like, really interesting people.

01:53:48.000 Weird, but funny and smart.

01:53:50.000 Oh, that's great, man.

01:53:51.000 So I was like, man, I'm happy that there are people like that out there, you know?

01:53:54.000 I think if you put out that sort of a show, you put out that kind of a vibe and have people like you come on the show and other people that I've had that people have really reacted to, like Graham Hancock and I got this Sam Harris cat that's coming on soon.

01:54:10.000 Having really intelligent, interesting people on the show and putting out your personal philosophy on things. 0.97

01:54:19.000 Just fucking be nice to people. 0.98

01:54:21.000 Stop being cunty to each other. 0.99

01:54:23.000 Everybody can be cool.

01:54:24.000 Everybody should be generous.

01:54:25.000 Surround yourself with a bunch of people that you really like. 0.96

01:54:28.000 And don't tolerate any bullshit and negativity from people. 1.00

01:54:32.000 Remove that shit from your life. 1.00

01:54:33.000 Remove that shit from what you're doing for a living. 1.00

01:54:35.000 Push yourself in the direction that you actually want to go in. 1.00

01:54:37.000 When you put that out there, people respond to it and it starts to become a part of their vibration.

01:54:44.000 It starts to become a part of who they are as a person.

01:54:47.000 I think that's what's happened.

01:54:48.000 We have this crazy group of people that are super cool.

01:54:53.000 I'm not delusional about this.

01:54:55.000 It sounds completely ridiculous that I would even say, well, there's a reason why my crowd is cool.

01:55:00.000 But if you go to my shows, the waitresses are always saying that.

01:55:04.000 The people are so nice and they're so generous.

01:55:07.000 I think it's just you put that out there, man.

01:55:09.000 I think it's good for all of us, man.

01:55:11.000 I didn't figure this out all on my own.

01:55:13.000 I had to meet a bunch of people that started behaving like this. 0.95

01:55:15.000 I had to meet people that had their shit together, that impressed me, that were nice and were positive and that impacted me. 0.98

01:55:21.000 And I learned from the way they behaved. 0.98

01:55:23.000 I think we're all doing that for each other.

01:55:26.000 And these conversations and these subjects that we're having, these subjects are...

01:55:30.000 It's unusual that you would have someone who knows as much religion In your life, as you do, to sit down with and go over this kind of stuff.

01:55:40.000 There's not a lot of opportunities that people have to talk to a big group of cool people.

01:55:45.000 That's one of the best things about this podcast.

01:55:47.000 Yeah, it makes me happy because I'm a judgmental little bastard, so I see a lot of people where I'm like, I don't like you so much and all of that.

01:55:54.000 So for me to say, Jesus, I'm blown away by the quality of people that I've run into after that. 0.58

01:55:59.000 Oh, that's awesome, man.

01:56:01.000 I'm not one who's always like, oh, you know, everything goody-goody, everything is great and far from it.

01:56:07.000 And so I was really...

01:56:08.000 Man, it's hard to keep track of so many good conversations with some people who touch base with me after that.

01:56:14.000 I was really, really impressed with it.

01:56:17.000 That's awesome, man.

01:56:18.000 Yeah, like I said, I think if you put that out there, man, put that out there, it's what you're going to get back, you know?

01:56:23.000 What you put out there in the universe. 0.98

01:56:25.000 It sounds completely corny and hippie and ridiculous. 0.91

01:56:28.000 But I think we all can do with absorbing a good community. 0.91

01:56:37.000 We all could do that on the internet.

01:56:39.000 And I think that's one of the big powers that the internet gives us.

01:56:43.000 It gives us the ability to form communities.

01:56:46.000 It gives us the ability to choose who you associate with and connect to people in a way that's never really been possible before.

01:56:54.000 Yeah, because that's the funny thing.

01:56:55.000 You probably get the message from the guy in Iceland somewhere where he's like the weird guy in the village and everybody else is looking at him like, what's your problem?

01:57:04.000 And now he has a chance to realize, shit, there are other people out there who actually can see the world the way I do and they...

01:57:10.000 On my message board and on Twitter, there's always people from Norway and Sweden and Iceland and all throughout Europe and all throughout. 0.99

01:57:18.000 I have people that post from China, from islands.

01:57:22.000 It's amazing.

01:57:24.000 The idea of Twitter, the idea of anybody from anywhere in the world, it's like...

01:57:31.000 Syncing up through this thing and then there's gonna be something after that.

01:57:34.000 It's gonna be they're gonna figure out some next step after Twitter where things are gonna get really strange.

01:57:38.000 I hope for one they pick a better name because it really just took me forever to get on Twitter because it wasn't like really do I want to get on something called Twitter now right now on I'll say I tweet it's like Jesus Christ they have some self-respect here yeah it sounds ridiculous they should have called it Conan then I would have respected it that would have been cool Today's episode is called Conan.

01:57:58.000 Yeah, exactly.

01:57:59.000 We got a little silly today with Conan, I think.

01:58:01.000 I think we might have over-Conan people.

01:58:02.000 But when Conan enthusiasts get together, sparks fly.

01:58:05.000 That's what it is, man.

01:58:06.000 You never read any Robert D. Howard when you were a boy?

01:58:09.000 I read the comic.

01:58:10.000 I didn't read the books.

01:58:11.000 Oh, man.

01:58:12.000 You gotta get the books.

01:58:13.000 To this day, you'll enjoy it.

01:58:15.000 You're not gonna read a book.

01:58:16.000 Why am I even saying that to you?

01:58:17.000 When was the last time you read a book?

01:58:19.000 Actually, recently I started reading the Steve Jobs books, but I never finished it.

01:58:23.000 Yeah, you do do that.

01:58:24.000 You like to read biographies.

01:58:26.000 You read, like, Steve Martin's, right?

01:58:28.000 Oh, yeah.

01:58:29.000 Also.

01:58:30.000 What did it say about Steve Jobs? 0.99

01:58:33.000 Was there any douchey shit about him? 0.99

01:58:34.000 I didn't finish it. 0.99

01:58:35.000 It was just kind of going through his, you know, everything.

01:58:42.000 It's stuff I already knew, stuff, for the most part.

01:58:45.000 There's a guy who sort of formed a little cult.

01:58:49.000 A cult of technology. 0.99

01:58:50.000 Pretty fucking slick. 0.98

01:58:52.000 I was a little fanboy. 1.00

01:58:53.000 I was a fucking fanboy. 0.99

01:58:56.000 Did you hear about the Steve Jobs doll? 1.00

01:58:57.000 I would get excited and watch his little speeches and shit. 0.99

01:58:59.000 We would bring out new laptops. 1.00

01:59:01.000 It's so dumb. 0.98

01:59:01.000 Let's go with them. 0.98

01:59:02.000 Did you hear the controversy about the Steve Jobs doll?

01:59:05.000 No, I haven't.

01:59:05.000 There's this Steve Jobs doll that was made in, I think, China.

01:59:09.000 And it looks so realistic.

01:59:10.000 And it comes with all these little things like, hey, this is for presentation.

01:59:14.000 So you can kind of play doll with them.

01:59:16.000 But Apple was like, you know, cease and desist.

01:59:19.000 And so now it's like on eBay.

01:59:20.000 Are they calling it a Steve Jobs doll?

01:59:21.000 Oh, yeah, yeah.

01:59:22.000 I'll show you a picture.

01:59:23.000 It's scary.

01:59:24.000 It's really scary looking.

01:59:25.000 Because it looks just like him?

01:59:27.000 What if Steve Jobs' dolls became the new crucifix?

01:59:31.000 People worship them. 1.00

01:59:32.000 How did the fucking crucifix come about? 1.00

01:59:34.000 How did they start carrying around the one thing that killed Jesus? 1.00

01:59:37.000 What an unlikely choice.

01:59:39.000 And speaking of which, can you imagine, because up until not that long before, one of the choice form of that penalty was people being impaled. 0.78

01:59:47.000 So can you imagine if that was the case, people would have hanged around their neck, somebody with a spike sticking to a guy's ass, and that would That's how the originator or the original story that Draco was based on. 0.91

01:59:59.000 Vlad the Impaler. 0.96

02:00:01.000 He used to eat his lunch and there's photos of him, or not photos of him obviously, drawings rather, of him sitting at a banquet table while these people are on spikes writhing around him.

02:00:14.000 And that's how you would eat his dinner. 0.99

02:00:16.000 Speaking of human beings, but seriously, could you imagine somebody thinking, hmm, let me figure out how I can shove this giant pole at somebody's ass, but missing all the internal organs so I don't kill them, and then they go slowly, it's like, who the fuck think of that? 1.00

02:00:30.000 Horrible, man. 1.00

02:00:31.000 Just what a terrible way to die.

02:00:33.000 Jesus Christ.

02:00:35.000 It's hard to even wrap your head up.

02:00:36.000 And it took a long time for those people to die.

02:00:39.000 It took a long time.

02:00:40.000 Yeah, that was the goal. 1.00

02:00:41.000 Jesus fucking Christ. 0.99

02:00:43.000 Yeah, and apparently the Vlad the Impaler story was a guy, he was particularly ruthless. 0.99

02:00:49.000 And one of the things, because he was outnumbered, so he set up a lot of these bodies outside the perimeter of his town just to scare the fuck out of anybody who would come near.

02:00:59.000 And it was more like, he was like back up against the wall and had to take some crazy chances.

02:01:05.000 Right.

02:01:05.000 And yeah, I mean, he became Dracula, so effective, right?

02:01:08.000 And then he started getting into it.

02:01:09.000 Yeah, can you imagine that, man? 1.00

02:01:10.000 They make a fucking monster movie about you hundreds of years after you're dead. 0.99

02:01:14.000 That's what an impact you had. 1.00

02:01:15.000 Yeah, that's when you know you're badass. 1.00

02:01:17.000 What a crazy asshole. 1.00

02:01:18.000 Yeah, seriously. 1.00

02:01:19.000 But yeah, can you imagine if that was instead the punishment in Jesus' times?

02:01:22.000 Now Christians today, rather than just, you know, crossing themselves and stuff, you just...

02:01:26.000 Mimic. 1.00

02:01:28.000 You mimic the pole up the ass. 1.00

02:01:31.000 That would be the thing you would do instead of the cross. 1.00

02:01:34.000 Oh my god.

02:01:35.000 People enter church.

02:01:36.000 Oh, could you imagine? 0.98

02:01:38.000 Oh, that would be so ridiculous. 1.00

02:01:41.000 I mean, it's just as ridiculous as nailing yourself to the fucking cross. 1.00

02:01:44.000 I mean, what are you doing? 1.00

02:01:44.000 You're making the points of the cross? 1.00

02:01:46.000 The cross, I mean, it's such a bizarre symbol.

02:01:49.000 Lenny Bruce said it best.

02:01:50.000 He's like, in a hundred years from now, it's like people walking around with electric chairs around their neck.

02:01:56.000 Right. 0.92

02:01:57.000 I fucked up the joke.

02:01:57.000 I forget how he said it.

02:01:59.000 I forget his exact wording.

02:02:01.000 And then Bill Hicks had another one.

02:02:02.000 It's like, there's really variation on the joke.

02:02:04.000 He said it was like Jackie Onassis walking up to her with a rifle pendant on, thinking about John.

02:02:11.000 You know?

02:02:11.000 Really, kind of the same joke, but...

02:02:14.000 It really is true.

02:02:15.000 They killed him on that thing and people carried around.

02:02:18.000 How did that tradition get started? 1.00

02:02:21.000 Fuck. 1.00

02:02:22.000 Too much weed earlier. 1.00

02:02:23.000 I don't remember.

02:02:24.000 You don't remember?

02:02:24.000 Yeah.

02:02:25.000 You don't remember how that tradition got started?

02:02:27.000 How they started nailing people to the cross?

02:02:28.000 Oh, no.

02:02:29.000 Nailing people to the cross.

02:02:30.000 How high did you get?

02:02:31.000 You got pretty high before the show, didn't you?

02:02:32.000 Yeah.

02:02:33.000 You got a little too high.

02:02:33.000 I go in and out.

02:02:34.000 The weed, that's rocket fuel, son.

02:02:36.000 That's high grade.

02:02:37.000 It's problematic.

02:02:38.000 It's a wave.

02:02:39.000 Sometimes it crushes you under it, and then you've got to get back up on your surfboard.

02:02:42.000 But I'm totally happy anyway, so it doesn't really matter.

02:02:44.000 Some moments I'm on, and that makes sense.

02:02:46.000 Some moments I'm like, Trailing somewhere.

02:02:49.000 As long as you're happy.

02:02:50.000 I'm happy.

02:02:51.000 That's what counts.

02:02:52.000 So how did they...

02:02:54.000 Why did people start carrying around a cross?

02:02:56.000 Yeah, I mean, it was one of those punishments, like impaling people.

02:03:00.000 The idea was, how can we make you suffer the worst possible in a very public way, where people go by and they will see you slowly dying there for three days.

02:03:10.000 And it goes back to this desire of rulers in certain states, and the Romans were... 0.98

02:03:15.000 Perfect example of these guys, but they weren't the only ones doing that, who got into it because it was a way to make a statement, which is don't fuck with us, because if you ever even think of rebelling against us, this is what's going to happen to you. 0.69

02:03:28.000 And every time you go down the street, you see somebody there and think about you being there, you may want to think about that plan of rebellion that you had. 0.91

02:03:35.000 How often were they crucifying people?

02:03:37.000 And, I mean, you don't have to do it that often to have any impact on people.

02:03:40.000 I don't think you need to see that many people crucified for it to stick in your head.

02:03:44.000 But you had cases like when the Spartacus Rebellion, where after the rebellion, they grabbed, like, thousands of slaves and nailed them one every so many hundred feet between Naples and Rome. 0.98

02:03:56.000 That's a long fucking way. 0.87

02:03:57.000 And the entire way, people on crosses. 0.99

02:04:00.000 Oh, my God. 1.00

02:04:03.000 Holy shit. 1.00

02:04:04.000 That's hardcore. 1.00

02:04:08.000 That is terrifying. 0.99

02:04:09.000 And how the fuck do people go from that to wearing one around your chain in diamonds? 0.99

02:04:15.000 How did you go from one of those P. Diddy, you know, big-ass bling-bling crosses? 0.99

02:04:20.000 What's up, Jesus?

02:04:21.000 What's up?

02:04:22.000 And that's, too, what I love about editing the scriptures, you know?

02:04:26.000 Yeah.

02:04:26.000 Like Jesus, don't like him, but the guy was very hardcore about economics.

02:04:31.000 You know, one of the things he says is, it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of an idol than for a rich man to get into heaven.

02:04:37.000 Wow.

02:04:38.000 I mean, Karl Marx doesn't go that far.

02:04:40.000 You know what I mean?

02:04:41.000 Jesus said that?

02:04:41.000 Yeah, it's like, it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of an idol than for a rich man to get into heaven.

02:04:48.000 Goddamn, Jesus was dropping some poor man's science. 0.99

02:04:51.000 Yes. 0.99

02:04:52.000 There's probably a bit in that.

02:04:53.000 There's probably totally a bit in the crosses.

02:04:55.000 So explain to me again.

02:04:57.000 I'm going to write this down.

02:04:58.000 Where are the crosses?

02:04:59.000 How far did they last from?

02:05:01.000 Oh, the people who started it? 1.00

02:05:04.000 Ah, shit. 1.00

02:05:05.000 It wasn't Jewish time. 1.00

02:05:06.000 It was definitely Roman.

02:05:07.000 It was in Persia as well.

02:05:09.000 I want to say it started in Persia, but...

02:05:12.000 But the people that were pinned off in the cross...

02:05:17.000 Oh, how long they started on?

02:05:18.000 No, the road that you were talking about, there was like a thousand...

02:05:21.000 How many feet was it where people were on the cross?

02:05:23.000 It was between Naples and Rome.

02:05:25.000 How long is that?

02:05:27.000 How far is that?

02:05:28.000 Rome is central, Italy, Naples is south.

02:05:30.000 So it's a good chunk of...

02:05:31.000 It's definitely over 100 miles.

02:05:33.000 I can't remember.

02:05:33.000 So for 100 miles people were on stakes?

02:05:35.000 Probably more.

02:05:36.000 Yeah.

02:05:36.000 Whoa, whoa, whoa!

02:05:38.000 I forgot how many feet they separated.

02:05:40.000 For a hundred miles, people were strung up on crosses?

02:05:43.000 Well, they had some thousands of prisoners following defeating Spartacus.

02:05:49.000 They had literally thousands of them.

02:05:50.000 And so they decided to execute them all by, you know, sticking them all on crosses between Rome and Naples, where the whole thing went down, and make a very public statement about for other slave thinking of rebellion. 0.63

02:06:05.000 Between Naples and Rome.

02:06:05.000 That is cool.

02:06:06.000 Crazy.

02:06:07.000 Yeah, Nipples is...

02:06:08.000 Actually, it's more than that.

02:06:10.000 Because it's not an hour drive or something. 0.98

02:06:12.000 And that they went from that to a dude at the Emmys wearing, you know, big-ass fucking platinum cross with some nice diamonds on it, maybe white gold. 0.94

02:06:24.000 Yeah, and that's awesome, exactly. 0.93

02:06:26.000 You get all the super-rich thing honoring the dude who tells you that rich people will not...

02:06:30.000 It's like, what the hell is...

02:06:33.000 Or the big cross tattoo, that's another one.

02:06:36.000 Right.

02:06:37.000 I mean, I get it.

02:06:38.000 I get what you're trying to do.

02:06:41.000 But if you've really thought about what the cross was used for...

02:06:44.000 Yeah.

02:06:45.000 Jesus Christ.

02:06:46.000 I don't think anybody knows that.

02:06:48.000 I think very few people knew that there was a time in history where people were strung up on crosses for over 100 miles.

02:06:53.000 Oh, yeah.

02:06:53.000 I mean...

02:06:54.000 How many actual total humans was that?

02:06:56.000 I think it was about 5,000, if I remember correctly.

02:06:59.000 It was in the thousands, that's for sure.

02:07:01.000 Well, I want to say five, but...

02:07:03.000 Yeah, but I mean, that's the Roman, you know, that's one of the things.

02:07:06.000 In Roman times, they had gazillion slaves and yet hardly ever any rebellion.

02:07:11.000 Well, you know why?

02:07:12.000 Because the one time when they do it, they get strung up on crosses for hundreds of miles.

02:07:17.000 And now they're power lines.

02:07:18.000 They were replaced with power lines.

02:07:20.000 The same visual of like these creepy, you know, things in the streets.

02:07:25.000 Power lines are not as creepy as crosses, Brian.

02:07:27.000 No, I mean, like those old ones, like those old ones where there's like a million wires all attached to this little pole.

02:07:34.000 Like I have one in the back of my house.

02:07:35.000 I just look at it every day.

02:07:36.000 I'm like, oh, that's not good.

02:07:39.000 Yeah, what about those?

02:07:40.000 You ever drive like into certain towns and they have these giant fucking enormous ones that they hum when you pass by them and they feed, you know, like towns that are like miles and miles away?

02:07:51.000 Those are, they can't, it can't be good living next to that, right? 0.93

02:07:55.000 No. 0.84

02:07:55.000 That's gotta be fucking with your system somehow or some form. 0.84

02:07:59.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:07:59.000 Is it? 0.99

02:08:00.000 Have they ever proven that?

02:08:01.000 I don't know, but there's a lot of houses even in Burbank because Burbank still uses those power lines.

02:08:07.000 And there's like humongous ones and there are houses below it and you just kind of feel eerie.

02:08:13.000 It feels eerie being around that area because there's just humming above you like this humongous power. 0.90

02:08:18.000 Well, there's different ones like, you know, there's certain areas like really rural areas where you pass by big fucking giant ones. 0.97

02:08:24.000 I I don't understand much about the science behind providing electricity to cities, but there's obviously a lot of energy going through those goddamn things. 0.97

02:08:34.000 If your house is just sitting there, the thing is just right above you. 0.98

02:08:42.000 Is that fucking with some things that you can't see? 0.93

02:08:44.000 I think so. 0.98

02:08:47.000 You think so?

02:08:48.000 I should Google this.

02:08:49.000 I'm just talking about it.

02:08:50.000 What would I Google?

02:08:51.000 Power lines, cancer?

02:08:52.000 Probably, yeah.

02:08:54.000 Cancer is always what you look for, right?

02:08:55.000 Yeah.

02:08:56.000 But yeah, that's the thing today that nobody knows.

02:08:58.000 It's like, hmm, we have gazillions of cases of cancer, but we don't know why. 0.97

02:09:02.000 And, you know, there are all these many, many, many things in our environment that are fucked up.

02:09:08.000 From the stuff we eat to the stuff, yeah, power lines, to all sorts of things that we don't really know to what degree they do or do not contribute, but... 0.64

02:09:15.000 The fact that MSG is even allowed to be used today just drives me crazy.

02:09:21.000 Isn't it delicious, though?

02:09:22.000 It is, but it's so unnecessary.

02:09:24.000 Is it bad for you or something?

02:09:25.000 It's proven to give you cancer. 1.00

02:09:27.000 And restaurants use it all the fucking time, though. 1.00

02:09:31.000 They don't tell you. 1.00

02:09:32.000 Really?

02:09:32.000 Yeah, that's kind of like, hey, thanks.

02:09:34.000 You might want to say, hey, there's something in here that might cause cancer.

02:09:37.000 This guy's telling me that's why he smokes cigarettes.

02:09:39.000 Because the Chinese food ain't gonna kill you, bro.

02:09:41.000 Unless you're eating Chinese food all day, every day.

02:09:42.000 That monosodium glutamate.

02:09:43.000 Who do you know that you had a funeral for your friend?

02:09:46.000 Because monosodium glutamate.

02:09:48.000 My man was living large.

02:09:51.000 Everything was good.

02:09:51.000 But he had this Chinese food addiction.

02:09:53.000 He just could not kick.

02:09:55.000 Yeah, but who knows, though?

02:09:56.000 You've definitely known people that have died of cancer that have just not been linked to MSG. How do they know that?

02:10:02.000 Does it cause cancer in rats or something like that?

02:10:04.000 I don't know.

02:10:05.000 It's just proven.

02:10:06.000 Yeah, we're not rats. 1.00

02:10:07.000 I think rats can eat some shit that we can't eat. 0.99

02:10:11.000 We shouldn't really go by that. 0.99

02:10:15.000 Yeah, I don't know.

02:10:15.000 But yeah, I'm sure MSG is terrible for you.

02:10:18.000 I think it's just a flavor enhancer, right?

02:10:21.000 Isn't it like Accent or something like that?

02:10:23.000 There's a couple different brand names of it.

02:10:25.000 I don't know.

02:10:26.000 Because I worked in a restaurant when I was a kid.

02:10:28.000 I worked in like a Newport Creamery.

02:10:30.000 It was like a hamburger place.

02:10:32.000 I think we had MSG. This power line cancer thing.

02:10:37.000 I can't get a fucking straight answer. 0.99

02:10:39.000 Everybody wants to make you read things. 1.00

02:10:41.000 Just answer my bitch. 1.00

02:10:43.000 What's up? 0.98

02:10:43.000 In India, because of a study of 134 people with stomach cancer who are avid consumers of which food can contain MSG, the Federation of Hotel and Restaurant Owners in Eastern India has asked its members to refrain from using MSG. There's like a website called mstruth.org backslash cancer.htm and it's just all these reports of like where MSG is like, no, it's seriously not. 0.98

02:11:08.000 Why are we serving this?

02:11:09.000 Why are we allowed to do this?

02:11:10.000 But are you concerned with it, for real?

02:11:13.000 Well, I don't think it's necessary.

02:11:15.000 Here's the reason why.

02:11:16.000 There's a really good Thai place that's in Hollywood.

02:11:20.000 I don't want to say the place, but Palms.

02:11:22.000 But they use MSG. And then I had it once with MSG, and then the next time I returned there, I'm just looking at the menu going, Jesus Christ, they put MSG in their food, and they have it right here on the menu.

02:11:33.000 Just like, hey, by the way, we use MSG. So I go, can I have no MSG? And they're like, oh, yeah, sure, no problem.

02:11:40.000 And so I got the same shit I got last time. 1.00

02:11:41.000 It tasted exactly the same. 1.00

02:11:43.000 It was delicious.

02:11:43.000 It was amazing.

02:11:44.000 It wasn't like, oh, wow, there's definitely a night and day difference.

02:11:48.000 Maybe it's the government, man.

02:11:49.000 Maybe they're trying to kill people by giving them MSG. MSG or allowing it. 0.79

02:11:53.000 That's just weird that that's not a big...

02:11:55.000 I'm going to Google, is MSG good for you?

02:11:58.000 What if it turns out it's good for you?

02:12:00.000 Or maybe they told you that, sure, no problem, no MSG on this one.

02:12:03.000 Yeah, get the white guy, the regular. 1.00

02:12:05.000 Get him the same shit, you didn't die. 1.00

02:12:08.000 They're not going to take a chance by giving you a superior product by cutting it out. 1.00

02:12:13.000 Tastes good, shut up, eat it. 0.97

02:12:15.000 I don't know, man. 0.98

02:12:16.000 Is it really that bad for you?

02:12:18.000 Yeah.

02:12:19.000 MSG is good for you.

02:12:21.000 Okay, I'm reading something that says MSG is good for you.

02:12:23.000 An article on Forbes magazine argues that MSG, monosodium glutamate, may actually be good for the world.

02:12:32.000 What?

02:12:33.000 Okay, hold on.

02:12:34.000 Says the onion daily.

02:12:37.000 The U.S. health nuts avoid it like the plague, but in many parts of Asia it sits on the table along with salt and pepper to enhance the flavor of meals.

02:12:45.000 Leading expert in MSG, senior scientist, company name blah blah blah, insists that the definitive link between MSG and headaches has yet to be proven.

02:12:53.000 Furthermore, his own research has shown that the hospital patients who have lost their appetite more likely eat their meals when sprinkled with MSG. This, he postulates, could help elderly and sick people improve their appetites, get nutrition they need, and live longer.

02:13:08.000 Or smoke weed.

02:13:09.000 Yeah, smoking weed would do better than MSG. But maybe smoking weed and MSG together is the motherfucker. 1.00

02:13:15.000 Put some moth poop on that shit. 1.00

02:13:18.000 Well, I remember it being a big deal. 1.00

02:13:19.000 I remember people were always saying, avoid MSG. It became a big deal out of nowhere, right?

02:13:25.000 It was something that people used.

02:13:27.000 It was like radon, kind of, I think. 0.94

02:13:29.000 One day they were like, oh shit, there was this news report saying that MSG is bad for you, and then it kind of blew up like radon did. 0.94

02:13:35.000 How did people get wacky rules as to what you can and can't eat in biblical days? 0.98

02:13:40.000 Like the clove and hoof thing with pork?

02:13:43.000 What is that?

02:13:44.000 I mean, a lot of this stuff makes sense.

02:13:46.000 It's probably there are certain, you know, animals that are freaking dirty that are more likely to carry diseases.

02:13:51.000 People will still eat them and, well, these freaking diseases still get spread around. 0.83

02:13:54.000 So let's just say that God said that you shouldn't eat it and we're done with it. 0.98

02:13:58.000 Like trichinosis and shit like that. 0.99

02:13:59.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:14:00.000 So, I mean, I'm sure it boiled down to real, factual things that people said, you know what, we need to make a hardcore rule because otherwise people don't respect it.

02:14:07.000 So let's make it that God said so and, you know, let's have everybody stick to it.

02:14:13.000 And then, of course, then they stop making sense when hundreds of years later or thousands of years later, the conditions are different, so they no longer, you know, the animals could be in cleaner conditions or whatever, but then the rule sticks around.

02:14:24.000 Some of them are really nuts, you know?

02:14:27.000 At a certain point in time, it isn't based on health anymore. 0.95

02:14:30.000 It's just based on this strange tradition.

02:14:32.000 Yeah, there's that, too.

02:14:33.000 And that you're guilty if you eat, like, the pig and the swine. 0.99

02:14:36.000 Like, that's the big thing about Muslims. 1.00

02:14:37.000 I don't eat swine, you know?

02:14:39.000 They'll tell you that, like...

02:14:40.000 I remember that was like a cool thing for rappers to say like back in the 90s.

02:14:44.000 They don't eat swine.

02:14:45.000 You know what?

02:14:46.000 You don't eat swine.

02:14:47.000 Why not? 1.00

02:14:47.000 It's delicious, you asshole. 1.00

02:14:49.000 What are you, crazy? 1.00

02:14:50.000 You don't eat bacon? 1.00

02:14:51.000 Well, you're hard because you don't eat bacon.

02:14:52.000 What?

02:14:53.000 You know, it's just the idea that your religion would keep you from bacon.

02:14:57.000 That's all you need to know.

02:14:58.000 They're not looking out for you.

02:14:59.000 Do they keep you from barbecue pork as well? 1.00

02:15:02.000 We'll get the fuck out of here. 1.00

02:15:03.000 Your religion keeps you from spare ribs? 1.00

02:15:05.000 They're assholes. 1.00

02:15:06.000 They must be assholes. 1.00

02:15:07.000 If you go to Dr. Huggly Wuggly's in Van Nuys and have the spare ribs and tell me that that's not heavenly, that's not a gift of God. 1.00

02:15:14.000 There's a reason God made those ribs taste so goddamn good. 0.94

02:15:17.000 Right? 0.98

02:15:18.000 I'm down with your religion. 1.00

02:15:19.000 How did you put it?

02:15:20.000 It's like, if a religion doesn't let you eat bacon, they're not looking out for you.

02:15:27.000 I like that. 1.00

02:15:27.000 They're assholes. 1.00

02:15:28.000 I like that. 1.00

02:15:30.000 I think that we need to make a new religion. 1.00

02:15:32.000 Are you willing to put this together when you do your new book?

02:15:35.000 Are you going to construct a new religion?

02:15:38.000 The working title is Create Your Own Religion.

02:15:40.000 So you're going to pick out all the best stuff.

02:15:43.000 Yep, that's the idea.

02:15:44.000 Does it have to have any basis in any previous stories?

02:15:47.000 Or, I mean, how can it be substantiated?

02:15:49.000 Is there any, you know, like, could you use Scientology is what I mean?

02:15:53.000 No, I mean, it's not based on fate.

02:15:55.000 So it's based on, you know, what makes sense to you, what seems to work.

02:15:58.000 And then, you know, try it.

02:15:59.000 And if it doesn't work, change it.

02:16:01.000 But when you're including religions, are you allowed to include ones that we know somebody made up?

02:16:05.000 Yeah, I mean, you can use Scientology.

02:16:06.000 I actually don't use Scientology because I feel like it's beyond.

02:16:11.000 Why is it any different than what had happened with that one guy with the dragon suit that 20 million people died because he said he was Jesus' brother?

02:16:19.000 If Scientology was something that a greater number of people took extremely seriously, then I would say, sure, let's play with it.

02:16:26.000 I would agree with you if I hadn't met so many actors.

02:16:29.000 And I think that's why.

02:16:30.000 I haven't, and so it seemed like...

02:16:34.000 The world of acting, it's hugely popular.

02:16:37.000 It's hugely popular amongst successful people as well.

02:16:40.000 I think it gives them some sort of a framework in which to think and behave.

02:16:44.000 And a framework of positivity.

02:16:47.000 Everyone's seen that Tom Cruise indoctrination video where he was talking about a car accident. 0.99

02:16:53.000 Fucking scary. 0.95

02:16:54.000 If you haven't seen it, folks, you have to look it up. 0.98

02:16:57.000 If they haven't pulled it from the web, God, I hope they haven't pulled it.

02:17:00.000 Do you think they pulled that?

02:17:01.000 And you know that you're the only one who can...

02:17:04.000 Yeah, because you're a Scientologist.

02:17:07.000 And he's so fake, charismatic, and it's like, God, he's so good at it.

02:17:11.000 He would be an awesome cult leader.

02:17:13.000 He might have to do it, too.

02:17:15.000 He might have to step in, you know.

02:17:17.000 They have to also step him up because he's too little.

02:17:19.000 He's not high enough in the organization?

02:17:21.000 No, no, I mean literally in height.

02:17:23.000 Oh, tall?

02:17:23.000 He's a little dude and they have to pump him up a little.

02:17:27.000 You think so, man?

02:17:28.000 I think he's so charismatic.

02:17:29.000 You can get away with it.

02:17:30.000 Just make sure you keep him on a podium.

02:17:31.000 No one's even going to know.

02:17:33.000 But then again, everybody has always seen it on camera.

02:17:34.000 You can always make him look taller.

02:17:36.000 If you see this dude who's like...

02:17:38.000 I don't remember.

02:17:39.000 Maybe he's not that short, but I thought from what I heard that he's like...

02:17:42.000 He's probably not nearly as short as everybody says.

02:17:47.000 Probably.

02:17:47.000 Because they probably want to make him seem like more of a loser because he upsets them with how good he's doing.

02:17:52.000 Probably, probably.

02:17:53.000 I mean, come on. 0.97

02:17:54.000 When there's a guy like Tom Cruise that's been in how many goddamn blockbuster movies? 0.98

02:17:57.000 Over and over and over again. 0.97

02:17:59.000 Massive success over and over and over again.

02:18:01.000 You're going to look for flaws. 1.00

02:18:02.000 He's gay. 1.00

02:18:03.000 He's fucking short. 1.00

02:18:04.000 He's gay. 1.00

02:18:05.000 That's all you ever hear. 0.99

02:18:06.000 He's gay. 0.99

02:18:06.000 He's short. 0.99

02:18:07.000 Yeah, I'm sure there's an envy level of like, fuck you. 1.00

02:18:10.000 I want your life, so you must suck for some other reason. 1.00

02:18:13.000 Yeah, I wonder how much of an effect Scientology has on his success. 0.99

02:18:16.000 I wonder how much of what he pulled off he wouldn't have pulled off if he wasn't deep in the throes of some I think you're on your way to converting me.

02:18:26.000 It's sounding cooler and cooler by the second now.

02:18:28.000 Maybe, man.

02:18:29.000 Maybe it's the way to do it.

02:18:30.000 Maybe we need to all join a reasonable cult. 0.99

02:18:32.000 A cult that really has its shit together. 0.99

02:18:35.000 I bring up this over and over again and people think I'm fucking serious. 0.99

02:18:38.000 I want to be clear right now. 0.89

02:18:39.000 No, I'm not starting a cult for real. 0.98

02:18:41.000 Just fucking around, alright? 0.98

02:18:42.000 We're just bouncing ideas. 0.94

02:18:44.000 No, I'm not really going to set up a compound where people can show up.

02:18:47.000 Because if you did, man, this is the time of the world where if you did do that, you said, listen, we have 6,000 acres.

02:18:54.000 It's in Wyoming.

02:18:55.000 Anybody can sign up.

02:18:56.000 We do a background check on you.

02:18:58.000 If you're in, build a house.

02:18:59.000 Come on in.

02:19:00.000 And we start a town.

02:19:03.000 Could you imagine?

02:19:04.000 Yeah.

02:19:04.000 Yeah, they would shut that down though, wouldn't you think?

02:19:06.000 My guess is...

02:19:07.000 If we did that, would you be willing to go and be our religious advisor?

02:19:12.000 I've always wanted to be the...

02:19:13.000 Keep everybody on the same page.

02:19:16.000 Do I get to crucify them if they don't?

02:19:18.000 No, you can't do that. 0.54

02:19:19.000 You can't do that.

02:19:19.000 We're going to try to avoid that.

02:19:21.000 What we're trying to do is just get a bunch of people together that we don't really know that much and just soothe them out of their current dogma.

02:19:28.000 Okay, I like that.

02:19:29.000 That's all.

02:19:30.000 So you'd be the guy that...

02:19:32.000 They can't argue with you.

02:19:35.000 You're having Sam Harris come up.

02:19:36.000 Let's have a final match in the cage between myself and Sam Harris and see who gets to get the top spot. 1.00

02:19:43.000 Sam Harris?

02:19:44.000 No, the guy.

02:19:45.000 Do you want to say Sam Harris?

02:19:46.000 Oh, Sam Harris. 0.99

02:19:47.000 Sorry, however the fuck his name is pronounced. 0.99

02:19:50.000 Sam Harris. 0.99

02:19:51.000 Sam Harris from Metroid.

02:19:52.000 Sam Harris is going to start his own cult.

02:19:54.000 He'll break off in his own direction.

02:19:56.000 His cult will be smarter than our cult.

02:19:58.000 I just read that he started training in jiu-jitsu.

02:20:00.000 Yeah, he did.

02:20:01.000 I better get him for a while.

02:20:03.000 Well, not that long.

02:20:05.000 Okay, good.

02:20:05.000 In that case.

02:20:06.000 Taking private lessons.

02:20:08.000 He's going to come on, I think it's March 8th.

02:20:10.000 He's going to be on.

02:20:11.000 We're going to talk about it.

02:20:12.000 I should take him on while he's still learning.

02:20:15.000 Yeah.

02:20:15.000 Before he gets too good.

02:20:16.000 What level is your game?

02:20:18.000 Are you a purple belt level?

02:20:19.000 What level is your game? 0.80

02:20:20.000 You know, my game is weird because I roll for the longest time not in formal classes, so my way is weird because I'm lacking some pieces of the game that you should learn when you're a fucking white belt, but then I have other... 0.94

02:20:31.000 Like defense.

02:20:31.000 Yes, I don't put my weight, I don't put enough pressure on top, I don't do some of the stuff that you're supposed to do that you learn as basics, but then at the same time I have like weird ass movements that I can tap people who are insanely better than me.

02:20:44.000 Really?

02:20:45.000 So it's kind of weird. 0.58

02:20:47.000 I can lose to really shitty people and I can beat really good people.

02:20:50.000 So it's hard to gauge it the same way.

02:20:53.000 Yeah, roughly give or take somewhere around there, somewhere around the purple belt range, but it's not regular.

02:21:00.000 You know, I'm better than a purple belt in some way and I'm way worse than others.

02:21:03.000 And so my game is a little weird that way.

02:21:06.000 That's interesting.

02:21:08.000 What style was it that you learned?

02:21:11.000 What was the first style?

02:21:12.000 I mean, as far as grappling goes...

02:21:14.000 No, I did play...

02:21:16.000 It was basically grappling with no geese.

02:21:19.000 And who did you learn from?

02:21:20.000 I started out with this guy, Tim Cartmel, who was one of the black belts from... 1.00

02:21:24.000 What's his name?

02:21:26.000 The guy who started Coppa Pacifica.

02:21:28.000 Cleber Luciano.

02:21:30.000 Cartmel was awesome.

02:21:32.000 I really liked his game.

02:21:34.000 Amazing grappler and he showed me some stuff and then a lot of the time I would just roll with people.

02:21:39.000 Somebody had their garage, they had their jujitsu guys come over and we would just roll.

02:21:44.000 So a lot of it was not drills and formal learning, a lot of it was learn by doing.

02:21:49.000 Which has its advantages and disadvantages, you know?

02:21:52.000 So I'm missing a lot of stuff that I should know.

02:21:54.000 But then I have other things that...

02:21:56.000 Like one thing I use to death are leg locks.

02:21:59.000 Leg locks are my game.

02:22:00.000 It's like I catch people who are...

02:22:01.000 Very dangerous, man.

02:22:02.000 But you know what? 0.98

02:22:03.000 If you're not an ass and the people you're rolling with know what they are doing, you don't have to crank them like crazy. 0.97

02:22:10.000 You know, you catch somebody and then you... 0.97

02:22:11.000 In some cases when the guy is not tapping, I would just tell him.

02:22:14.000 I'm like, dude...

02:22:15.000 Yeah.

02:22:15.000 The scariest guy is Husamar Paul Hares for that reason.

02:22:18.000 I know.

02:22:18.000 He's terrifying.

02:22:19.000 He's seriously scary.

02:22:20.000 He's terrifying.

02:22:21.000 Even because he catches it.

02:22:22.000 I mean, he's in hardcore competition.

02:22:24.000 So if he doesn't do it, the guy's going to step up and pummel him.

02:22:27.000 But he just doesn't give you a chance to tap.

02:22:29.000 You barely have a chance.

02:22:30.000 You're screaming in agony.

02:22:31.000 He tears guys' knees apart.

02:22:33.000 He's terrifying.

02:22:34.000 He's so strong, too, when he jumps on it.

02:22:36.000 Yeah.

02:22:36.000 He's a really unusual, terrifying guy.

02:22:39.000 Like, there's a first terrifying guy that rips legs apart.

02:22:42.000 I can't remember a guy who's so consistent at doing that in high-level MMA. It's really kind of a rare characteristic.

02:22:49.000 That guy Imanari, the Japanese guy, he's one of the most...

02:22:53.000 Well, yeah, those two guys are like neck and neck for the best leg locks. 0.68

02:22:56.000 And even Nari is terrifying.

02:22:58.000 He's so good at wrapping guys up.

02:22:59.000 My God.

02:23:00.000 He's horrifying.

02:23:01.000 He's got also an amazing omoplata submission.

02:23:04.000 Called the Iminari, where you go, like, you have the shoulder lock, and then you grab an S-grip underneath the guy's face, and you lean back, and it just snaps his neck.

02:23:14.000 It's terrible.

02:23:15.000 It's a terrible thing, because his arm is twisted, and you're pulling his neck back.

02:23:19.000 It's nasty.

02:23:20.000 He's submitted a couple guys with that.

02:23:22.000 He gets it all the time now.

02:23:23.000 Imanet is one of those guys. 0.98

02:23:24.000 I like his style, but he does seem a bit of a dick because he cranks a mission. 0.96

02:23:29.000 He really is just... 0.99

02:23:30.000 He just trips your leg apart and he's just dancing around all happy.

02:23:34.000 Well, to finish guys off, you kind of have to...

02:23:36.000 One of the reasons why he's so good and so feared is because he does that.

02:23:40.000 Yeah, that's true.

02:23:40.000 And then people will tap early the next time because they're in panic.

02:23:43.000 No, I mean, I get it.

02:23:44.000 It's an advantage.

02:23:45.000 Well, they're going to try to take his conscience away.

02:23:47.000 That's true.

02:23:48.000 His idea is they're going to punt his head.

02:23:50.000 That's true.

02:23:51.000 I don't know. 0.99

02:23:52.000 It's a fucking hard game, man. 0.99

02:23:54.000 Yeah, it is. 0.99

02:23:54.000 That's why when this Rampage thing happened, and Rampage is upset at me, I'm like, look, he's doing a way harder gig than me. 0.99

02:24:00.000 No, of course.

02:24:01.000 What he's doing, he's a sensitive guy, and he's got literally one of the most difficult jobs to manage on Earth. 0.99

02:24:09.000 He's going to be irritable about shit. 0.96

02:24:11.000 I'm sorry if I pissed him off. 0.99

02:24:12.000 All I'm trying to do is assess things.

02:24:15.000 Martial arts and mixed martial arts fighting has got to be one of the hardest ways to make a living humanly possible.

02:24:21.000 Other than being a soldier, it's right up there.

02:24:24.000 Yeah, right.

02:24:25.000 I mean, even psychologically, going into the game, knowing that somebody has spent the last year training just in order to rip you apart in a more effective fashion. 0.72

02:24:35.000 Especially when guys start getting super emotional, talking shit to each other, and they get in each other's faces at the weigh-ins. 0.58

02:24:41.000 You know, things get really... 0.98

02:24:42.000 Yeah, that's crazy.

02:24:43.000 I met, um, when I went to Vegas, I met, uh, I went because I was, uh, meeting Randy Couture.

02:24:49.000 And so I got to hang out with him a little bit and I never met him before.

02:24:53.000 And I was really blown away by the way you see him on TV is the same way you see him in reality.

02:24:58.000 And he's so Calm.

02:25:01.000 It's like the opposite of what you expect.

02:25:02.000 Like I kept asking him about fear, you know, going into it and being afraid.

02:25:06.000 And it was like a foreign concept to him.

02:25:08.000 It was like, I think he wrestled so much as a kid and got over the fear of performance, the anxiety, all of that as a kid, that as an adult, he just look at it as a problem to be solved and it's no big deal.

02:25:20.000 And it's another day at the office. 0.99

02:25:21.000 And I'm just like, How the fuck did you do that? 1.00

02:25:24.000 He's a fucking superhero. 1.00

02:25:25.000 It's like, how do you manage that? 0.99

02:25:28.000 I know, and he fought some of the toughest fighters in the world with that attitude.

02:25:32.000 I remember one time, I don't remember who it was that he fought.

02:25:35.000 Whether it was Tim Silvio, or maybe it was Brennan Vare.

02:25:40.000 I forget who it fought, but he was on the side of the octagon.

02:25:43.000 And I was looking over at him before the fight started.

02:25:46.000 He looked over at me and he winked.

02:25:47.000 And I'm like, this guy's so relaxed, he can just look at you and wink right before he goes to war.

02:25:52.000 He was just so calm about it.

02:25:54.000 That's one of the reasons why he was able to keep fighting, you know, into later ages.

02:25:58.000 He was so calm in there, preserved his energy, so efficient and experienced, you know, and that Greco-Roman man, the ability to control guys.

02:26:07.000 Apparently, everybody says that Randy Couture was one of the nastiest guys, like when he would grab ahold of the back of your neck.

02:26:12.000 The control was so nasty.

02:26:15.000 There's dudes that have different levels of control, and you really haven't felt it yet.

02:26:19.000 A lot of times, if you train with people that only have a certain level of skill, then all of a sudden you train with someone who has a very high level of skill, it's baffling to you.

02:26:29.000 You literally aren't even aware that someone could be so good.

02:26:34.000 It's staggering to you.

02:26:37.000 Apparently a lot of people's assessments of Randy's clinch that he would get a hold of.

02:26:40.000 That's why he was so good at dirty boxing guys.

02:26:43.000 Like when he fought Vitor Belfort.

02:26:45.000 That's amazing.

02:26:45.000 Yeah, the first Vitor Belfort fight especially.

02:26:47.000 They fought three times, but the first one especially when he beat Vitor.

02:26:51.000 When Vitor was... 0.98

02:26:52.000 Not just undefeated, he was this fucking phenom. 0.98

02:26:54.000 He was tearing guys apart in the first round, and Randy stopped him. 0.99

02:26:58.000 And Randy, a lot of it was like that dirty boxing, man.

02:27:01.000 He was so good at it.

02:27:02.000 Just controlling the back of your head and pommeling you with shots and forcing you in the cage and taking the right angles.

02:27:09.000 That was the birth of Randy Couture.

02:27:11.000 Yeah, that was his third fight in UFC. He was like, how the...

02:27:14.000 Hell, do you go from zero to fighting Victor Belfort and kill a guy like that? 1.00

02:27:19.000 He's a fucking animal. 1.00

02:27:19.000 He's an animal. 1.00

02:27:20.000 And a great guy.

02:27:21.000 Nice guy to be around, you know?

02:27:23.000 Really nice guy to be around.

02:27:25.000 Seriously.

02:27:25.000 I was really very impressed chatting with him.

02:27:28.000 I was like, man, this guy is as good as they say and better.

02:27:30.000 He's really a cool guy.

02:27:32.000 I'm excited because they asked me to write a book on his career.

02:27:36.000 I'm like, cool.

02:27:37.000 I... Who asked you to do this?

02:27:39.000 One of the guys that is, Joy Varner, he's one of the guys that, one of the trainers at Extreme Couture, and so he said, let's work on it together.

02:27:48.000 He wanted to do it, and then he liked my writing, so he said, hop in, and we'll write it, and do this thing about Randy.

02:27:54.000 Because he was saying, you know, most of the MMA books that are out there are autobiographies, which are cool.

02:27:59.000 But then in an autobiography, you can only go, you know, you can only hype it up so much because you sound like an ass if you're like, I'm this legendary fighter and all of that.

02:28:08.000 Whereas doing it as a third person with a lot of the voices from his opponents, Kind of like a Face in Ali type of thing where you get multiple perspectives.

02:28:18.000 It's a different way of telling the story.

02:28:20.000 That'll be a great documentary too, man.

02:28:22.000 Totally.

02:28:22.000 And that's the plan, in fact, to do it as a book and then to shoot the interviews.

02:28:27.000 I was there for his very first fight.

02:28:29.000 I think it was 1997 or 98. It might have been 98. It was 97?

02:28:34.000 Thank you. 0.99

02:28:35.000 And Tony Halma was this giant fucking pro wrestler dude. 0.99

02:28:39.000 And Randy Couture ducked under that dude's big punch, got him, took him down, and strangled his ass. 1.00

02:28:45.000 And I remember thinking, holy shit, look at that. 0.99

02:28:48.000 Like, that was the difference in, like, one guy was like this big, strong, sort of pro wrestler type character, but the other one had that stupid grappling strength that I remembered from some freaks in high school. 0.98

02:28:59.000 When I wrestled in high school, you know, when we were in, you know, a certain district, and I went to the, I think it was like the regionals, I forget what it was called.

02:29:08.000 But, you know, the guys who'd won, like, certain tournaments would advance to other tournaments.

02:29:12.000 And so I got to see, like, the state champion wrestlers, and I got to see, like, some of the really high, high-level wrestlers.

02:29:17.000 And I'll never forget, there's the way that really good wrestlers could manipulate guys, like, just toss them and throw them around. 0.99

02:29:24.000 I remember thinking, Jesus Christ.

02:29:26.000 Like, there's, like, just like anything else, there's guys out there that are taking it to a very extreme level.

02:29:31.000 Unless you go and see it, you don't know that that's possible.

02:29:34.000 Right.

02:29:34.000 So when I first saw Randy in the UFC and he took down that Tony Halma guy, that's immediately what it reminded me of.

02:29:40.000 Immediately what it reminded me of is the first time that I've ever seen real good amateur wrestlers and went, whoa! 0.98

02:29:46.000 Like, this is some shit to deal with right here. 0.96

02:29:49.000 Did you think he had a chance when he fought Vitor? 0.97

02:29:52.000 Because, I mean, he did beat Halma, but those guys were, you know, the first two guys he beat weren't that good caliber guys, and then when he stepped up to fight Vitor, did you feel like...

02:29:59.000 It was a big leap.

02:30:00.000 It was his third fight or his fourth fight?

02:30:03.000 Third fight.

02:30:06.000 Yeah, that's incredible.

02:30:08.000 That really is incredible, if you stop and think about that.

02:30:11.000 I don't think we knew what he was capable of, but it was really clear early on that his force of will was just too much.

02:30:18.000 Randy Couture had the most He showed me he still has a hole in his leg because the muscle died in that spot.

02:30:39.000 The muscle died.

02:30:40.000 Think about that. 1.00

02:30:41.000 Pedro Hizo kicks you so hard, the muscles die forever in certain spots on your fucking leg. 0.99

02:30:47.000 So Randy Couture got through that and then rehabbed for six months and then they talked him into a rematch. 0.99

02:30:52.000 He didn't want to do the rematch. 0.99

02:30:53.000 He's like, I don't want to fight this fucking guy again. 0.99

02:30:54.000 So they give him a rematch and he beats him down again. 1.00

02:30:57.000 Jesus Christ.

02:30:59.000 Yeah, well, I think he just knew there's no way I'm getting leg kicked this time.

02:31:02.000 It just became...

02:31:03.000 It didn't become a...

02:31:04.000 You know, I think when you fight certain guys, you start thinking, oh, I can take a leg kick or two.

02:31:08.000 And then you fight Pager Hizzo, you're like, oh, no, you can't.

02:31:11.000 No, you can't.

02:31:12.000 That guy, man, people don't even know.

02:31:15.000 One of the reasons why I have such a fetish for leg kicks... 0.98

02:31:17.000 People are always saying, Rogan, you're so fucking hung up on leg kicks. 0.99

02:31:20.000 You're queer for leg kicks. 1.00

02:31:21.000 They aren't. 0.97

02:31:21.000 It's because I've seen Pedro Hizo fight live. 0.97

02:31:24.000 And I've seen what's possible.

02:31:26.000 I know what's possible when guys are good, man.

02:31:28.000 Yeah, I definitely call for them too many.

02:31:31.000 But it's because they're awesome when they land.

02:31:34.000 No, they are scary.

02:31:36.000 So, if people want to buy your book, what's the best way to get a hold of it?

02:31:39.000 Through disinfo.com?

02:31:40.000 Either there or Amazon.

02:31:42.000 Amazon?

02:31:42.000 And it is the...

02:31:44.000 Fifty things, what does it say?

02:31:46.000 Fifty things you are not supposed to know a religion.

02:31:48.000 And Daniele Bolelli.

02:31:50.000 Yep.

02:31:50.000 And if someone wants to get a hold of you on Twitter, what is the Twitter address?

02:31:54.000 Oh, shit. 0.98

02:31:54.000 I want to say it's at Dbolelli. 0.98

02:31:57.000 If you see a picture of a dude flipping you off holding a baby, that's me.

02:32:00.000 Yes, it's Dbolelli.

02:32:01.000 Okay, good.

02:32:02.000 B-O-L-E-L-L-I. Thanks for coming on again, man.

02:32:06.000 Always cool talking to you.

02:32:07.000 We'll have to do it again.

02:32:08.000 Yeah, I love it. 0.98

02:32:08.000 Think of some other fucked up part of the history of religion or something to harp on. 0.98

02:32:14.000 Let me give a shout to one of your fans. 0.99

02:32:20.000 There's this lady. 1.00

02:32:21.000 She's going through a lot of hard shit, and so I feel maybe make her date with her name on the one and only Joe Rogan podcast. 0.98

02:32:27.000 This lady, Angela Morado. 0.98

02:32:29.000 You're a cool human being.

02:32:30.000 You'll get through it.

02:32:31.000 Look at you, man.

02:32:32.000 Spreading positive.

02:32:34.000 Positive love and light through the podcast.

02:32:37.000 So what is her name again?

02:32:38.000 Angela Morado.

02:32:39.000 Angela Morado.

02:32:40.000 All right, Angela.

02:32:41.000 I hope you feel better.

02:32:42.000 Thanks for tuning in.

02:32:43.000 I hope you enjoyed this podcast.

02:32:44.000 I hope everybody enjoyed it.

02:32:46.000 Thanks to our sponsors.

02:32:47.000 Go to gerogan.net and click on the link for the fleshlight.

02:32:50.000 Enter in the code name Rogan.

02:32:52.000 Get 15% off. 0.91

02:32:53.000 Number one sex toy for men. 0.93

02:32:55.000 Yay! 1.00

02:32:56.000 I'll get you one, dude.

02:32:57.000 I'm going to get you one.

02:32:58.000 I know what I'm going to do tonight.

02:32:59.000 Yeah, okay.

02:33:00.000 And thank you to Onnit.com, O-N-N-I-T, and go to JoeRogan.net. 0.96

02:33:05.000 Click on the AlphaBrain link and enter in the code name ROGAN, and you will get 10% off.

02:33:10.000 Not just the first order now for any future orders.

02:33:13.000 All right?

02:33:13.000 We love you guys.

02:33:14.000 Thanks for tuning in, and we will see you tomorrow.

02:33:20.000 Who's on tomorrow, Brian?

02:33:22.000 I don't know.

02:33:23.000 Hold on a second.

02:33:24.000 It's homegirl.

02:33:25.000 Amy Schumer!

02:33:27.000 Amy Schumer!

02:33:28.000 We've been trying to get her on for a while. 0.99

02:33:29.000 She's the hilarious chick from the Charlie Sheen roast who fucking killed it, dude. 1.00

02:33:34.000 Some of her lines, and she was going back and forth with Mike Tyson. 0.97

02:33:37.000 I hope we can play some of it.

02:33:38.000 I don't know if we can.

02:33:39.000 But either way, she's hilarious. 0.98

02:33:41.000 So she's on tomorrow.

02:33:42.000 That's it.

02:33:43.000 Thanks, everybody.

02:33:43.000 Thanks for tuning in.

02:33:44.000 Thanks to all you fine folks out there in cyberspace.

02:33:48.000 And we'll see you in about 24 hours.

02:33:50.000 Bye-bye.

The Joe Rogan Experience - February 20, 2012

Joe Rogan Experience #187 - Daniele Bolelli

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Transcript