In this episode, the boys talk about their recent trip to Japan, toilets, and Lady Gaga. Also, we talk about how much better the food is in Japan and how polite the people are. We also talk about the fact that the bathroom facilities in Japan are way better than the ones in the States and why we should all get a bidet to clean our buttholes. And, of course, we finish with a story about a guy who thinks Lady Gaga is a friend of his girlfriend's and wants to hook up with her. Just pay the 2.95 postage and we'll talk about it! Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. If you like what you hear, please HIT SUBSCRIBE and leave us a rating and review on Apple Podcasts! We'll be looking out for new episodes in the next few weeks. 5 stars is much appreciated and really helps spread the word. Thank you so much to everyone who has listened to this podcast. XOXO, Brian, Matt, and the boys. xoxo. Brian and the guys at the podcast, XO. -Bryan and the crew at the radio station, Matt and the team at . Brian & the boys at - and the band at , and all the other places in the world. and at the band, and all of the amazing people at the music at the in the music in this episode. . . . and the food at the food in the restaurant in Japan. Thanks for listening to the food and the music by Lady Gaga at Lady Gaga's restaurant in the video, and so much more! and we hope you enjoy the food that Lady Gaga gives us a chance to be a little bit better than they can do that in Japan, and that we can be more like Lady Gaga in the rest of the rest in the future, and we love you all the best of the world, and it's more like that you can do more than that, and they are more than just that, thank you, and thank you for being nice like that, we really appreciate you, more than they deserve it, so much, and more, and much more, etc etc, etc, and all that kind of stuff like that. Love ya.
00:01:44.000You don't realize how little attention your asshole gets, especially when it comes to pleasure devices.
00:01:48.000In America, we have a problem with that.
00:01:50.000You can get something that massages your neck, no problem.
00:01:53.000But to have a warm stream of water that constantly pummels your asshole with love, just sudsy love, for us, it seems gross that you would clean your asshole that way.
00:02:03.000And it seems like the more you think about it, it seems like the Japanese people are clean, not only for their ass, but the whole city seems clean.
00:02:20.000Instead of having a big TV, you should have something that really cleans your ass.
00:02:23.000If it came down to that choice, either one, I would say get your ass clean first and save up for a TV. And it wasn't just expensive or rich people.
00:02:30.000The bathrooms in all the places we went to had that.
00:03:13.000One weird thing that somebody said to me, I don't want to say who it was, but he goes to Japan a lot.
00:03:19.000He said, you know, the sad thing is that if you really wanted to hook up with any girl that you meet here, all you have to do is tell them you're friends with Lady Gaga or something like that.
00:04:38.000You know, when you think about what Japan went through for a long time when they had, like, ronins and when they were...
00:04:44.000They essentially went through a long period of, like, civil war.
00:04:48.000They went through a lot of crazy shit.
00:04:51.000And the fact that it's the birthplace of martial arts, for the most part, the early successful martial arts, the core components of mixed martial arts, three of them come from Japan.
00:05:02.000Judo, karate, and jujitsu all come from Japan.
00:05:07.000They figured out how the science of launching people through the air with their bodies and slamming them on the ground...
00:05:14.000I mean, judo, for a lot of people who don't, like, you've never watched it and don't have an appreciation for it, the watching the intricacies of the moves and people, like, hoist each other through the fucking air and slam each other on their back, it's amazing to watch.
00:05:26.000I mean, a really technical thing that they figured out how to do.
00:05:29.000Like, all the shit they remember, like, you'd watch, like, in an old, like, Batman movie where a guy could just flip a dude through the air and boom!
00:06:31.000I mean, people have innovated it and changed it a bit, but the core idea of it, trying to figure out how to strangle people on the ground, all that shit came from Japan.
00:06:40.000All those submissions and arm bars, it's amazing how much shit came from there.
00:06:45.000And yet, that UFC was kind of interesting seeing people that were from Japan, that were big in pride and stuff like that, them fighting Americans and seeing what the outcome was.
00:09:23.000I think he's only 34. I think Kid Yamamoto's 34, which still leaves him in his athletic prime.
00:09:28.000You know, like Anderson is 37, I believe.
00:09:31.000And, you know, Anderson's fucking absolute his prime.
00:09:35.000As you get older, the good fighters, the really technical fighters like Anderson, they just get better because everything is based on technique.
00:09:43.000As long as they keep their fitness up and they have good discipline, which Anderson does.
00:09:49.000They can compete well, well, well into their 40s.
00:09:53.000So Anderson is in his fucking prime right now, in my opinion.
00:09:57.00037 years old is not the same as 37 years was just like 10 or 20 years ago.
00:10:02.000A guy like him might take him a little longer to heal from shit, but the way he can move and the way he can perform is pretty fucking prime.
00:10:23.000I tried to say injury, but I couldn't say injury.
00:10:25.000Yeah, he's been tapped a couple of times.
00:10:27.000Once when he was younger in his career and another time by Ryo Chonin, one of the most spectacular submission attacks ever.
00:10:34.000He dove on him like pro wrestling style in a flying scissors hold, caught him by the legs, took him to the ground and got him in a heel hook like that.
00:11:55.000Sometimes, because of the cage, I miss shit that's really critical in a fight.
00:12:01.000Roy Nelson took this giant swing at Fabricio Verdum, and Verdum got his back like that, and I don't know what happened.
00:12:07.000I had to go back and watch it in the replays to see how Fabricio got his back, because while it was happening, it all took place behind a pole.
00:12:16.000So it's like you see it happen and then you gotta look down.
00:12:18.000And by the time you look down, Fabricio is such a fucking ninja.
00:12:22.000He had taken that guy's back so quickly.
00:13:35.000The difference is one guy's significant strikes do not equal the amount of damage done by the other guy's significant strikes.
00:13:42.000So if one guy is a power puncher and he's landing super clean...
00:13:47.000And the other guy doesn't hit as hard and he's not quite landing as clean or not quite landing as hard, the guy who hits you harder is the one who's really ultimately winning.
00:13:55.000And when you look at how many punches were landed and how many strikes were landed, man, I bet Frankie Edgar landed a lot of solid strikes.
00:14:05.000But he never seemed to really rock him.
00:14:08.000There was one time he knocked him down with a right hand, but Henderson, that was at the end of the fight, where Henderson wanted him to get on top and he was pounding on him at the end, remember?
00:14:16.000So it was like, you know, he had done...
00:14:19.000I mean, I think that Frankie Edgar had done a lot.
00:14:22.000It's conceivable that he, you know, easily people watching at home could have thought that he won.
00:14:28.000Just by virtue of the fact that, you know, it's an amazing thing.
00:14:32.000What he always does, he gets hurt and he comes back and you can't stop the guy's heart.
00:14:45.000And there's a lot of people who would have taken their check and fucking, you know, there's a few shots that he's taken where a lot of people have been like, you know what, I don't think I can go on.
00:14:53.000But that dude always finds a way to go on.
00:14:56.000Not just go on, but he seems to go after you right after you do that to him.
00:15:54.000But one thing I was so amazed by was that the photographer, the UFC photographer, I don't know if he does every single UFC, but just watching him work.
00:16:15.000I'm just amazed by his work, just watching him work.
00:16:19.000And another thing was that it was so quiet in Japan because everyone was being polite, except there was some English people here and there that was screaming and making owl noises and stuff.
00:16:28.000But it was awesome hearing the fight sounds.
00:16:31.000That's one thing that I think not many people have probably got to experience, but Hearing it in Japan where it's super quiet and hearing those punches, that was scary almost.
00:16:41.000That was like Monster in the Woods because you could feel how horrible that would have felt if that happened to yourself.
00:16:47.000Well, things are always better when people around you shut the fuck up and just enjoy the things.
00:16:52.000But most people, when they get to a crowd...
00:17:26.000So one of the things that was weird, though, was that it was in a crowd where a bunch of people were sitting around drinking and they were watching music.
00:17:32.000And some people were just having full-on yelling conversations with themselves, with each other, while this band was playing.
00:17:40.000And then some songs, everyone would shut the fuck up and it was amazing.
00:17:46.000It was like, you know, there was some, like, really slow...
00:21:04.000Dice is one of those guys, I don't care how crazy you say Dice is, you know, I don't care how much people say like, oh, you know, sometimes he's a jerk, he won't take pictures.
00:21:16.000Listen, in my book, there's only a few comedy deities.
00:21:20.000George Carlin's not around, but Dice still is.
00:21:23.000And it sounds ridiculous, but when I was a kid, man, when Dice Clay first started blowing up, Dice Clay to me was like, you know, I mean, So, Those first ones, I listened to them on cassette.
00:23:40.000I was really off the grid in Japan because I was so scared that, like, that text that you got on your phone that says, like, you know, one megabyte of data is $24.95.
00:24:36.000So what you're saying is that it should be one universal service provider for the whole world, and that's how we talk to each other like an email.
00:25:08.000I think the government should have Wi-Fi towers and the whole telephone system and everything like that should be based off like a government-based...
00:25:17.000There shouldn't be AT&T. There shouldn't be these cell phone servers.
00:25:26.000You're saying communication should all be really simple.
00:25:29.000Yeah, it shouldn't have country codes.
00:25:31.000It shouldn't cost $24 if I'm on one side of this piece of water and then on the other side.
00:25:36.000Yeah, the problem is you have to have local people have to profit.
00:25:40.000From the infrastructure, you know, that's set up, right?
00:25:43.000So the people that have created it in Japan or, you know, whoever owns wherever you're at, whoever owns the towers that display or that send out the information that you're riding on, that you're roaming on, whoever built that shit and made investments, I can understand why they would want a service fee.
00:26:13.000It is, but I mean, if you let people pay at a reasonable rate and then have that same exchange going on with their company so that if someone was over in America and you're from overseas, you know, you can use AT&T and it won't, you know, be any more ridiculous for you, too.
00:26:27.000Yeah, but it shouldn't be like I accidentally sent you a photo by text message and it cost $250.
00:29:41.000As long as it was set up somewhere where it's preserved in case Tumblr gets hit with some crazy virus or some bullshit, you lose all your stuff.
00:29:50.000They're all backed up so well nowadays.
00:31:05.000But is the Tumblr idea the idea that in doing it like that, where you do it into some big public platform like some MySpace type thing, that you're just going to get a lot more eyes on it?
00:34:28.000And it's not all of them because there's some of them that are, you know, obviously there's some of them that are artists and some of them that are just young people like tattoos.
00:34:35.000A lot of Japanese fighters have tattoos.
00:34:37.000Kid Yamamoto has crazy tattoos all over the place.
00:34:40.000I mean, there's people that fight that social restriction, but you're not allowed to go into public swimming pools.
00:34:45.000If there's a swimming pool at the hotel, they won't let you get in the water.
00:34:48.000If you have tattoos, you have to leave.
00:34:51.000If you want to go in the gym, you have to wear a long-sleeved shirt.
00:36:32.000Like, I went to a couple of the nightclubs.
00:36:35.000And, like, when the Russians walked in, the Russian women...
00:36:39.000Russian women were really popular in Japan.
00:36:42.000And so these really beautiful, like in a runway kind of beautiful way, like they're slightly weird looking, but you can tell that they're models.
00:36:49.000But they would walk in and immediately this weird energy, like they were up to something or they just seemed evil.
00:37:34.000Yeah, and they seem like I asked a lot about them because every time they would walk in, I would get the same vibe every time I saw them.
00:37:42.000And I guess they come out feeling like they're going to be the next best thing because they come out there to actually be legit models, but then they slowly turn into like...
00:38:18.000And people that lived a hard life, girls that have seen some shit that maybe you haven't seen, and maybe their perceptions of death and life and crimes and what you've got to do to get by, maybe it's different than yours, and maybe they happen to be beautiful as well.
00:38:30.000Yeah, they're beautiful and they grew up in a place, you know, who knows?
00:38:34.000I mean, but if a girl's, you know, essentially a sex worker, most likely, yeah, most likely she did grow up in some really fucked up place, you know?
00:38:40.000I mean, a lot of these girls that do become like escorts, you know, I mean, think about that.
00:38:45.000Would you imagine if that could, you know, imagine if that was your daughter?
00:38:48.000Imagine if that was your child that grew to become some woman who would fly around the world and...
00:43:28.000From a time of Hippocrates since the 1920s, massaging female patients to orgasm was a staple of medical practice amongst Western physicians in the treatment of hysteria, an ailment once considered both common and chronic in women.
00:43:42.000Doctors loathe this time-consuming procedure for centuries and...
00:43:49.000Doctors loathed this time-consuming procedure and for centuries relied on midwives.
00:43:54.000And later they substituted the efficacy of mechanical devices, including the electric vibrator invented in the 1880s and the technology of orgasm.
00:44:03.000Ralph Maines offers readers a stimulating, surprising, and often humorous account of this hysteria and its treatment throughout the ages.
00:44:10.000So this has been like, that's like a standard treatment for a long time.
00:44:16.000Just like it makes sense that men need to get jerked off.
00:44:19.000Ideally, you would want your husband to do it.
00:44:22.000Ideally, you'd want your boyfriend, your lover, whatever.
00:44:24.000You would want the person that you engage in sex with to get you off.
00:44:28.000But if that's not happening, you're probably losing your shit and you become a less effective functioning method or a member of society, rather.
00:44:38.000That method of relieving the tension and just the physical tension of nothing else.
00:46:56.000Can you imagine if that was normal, if every man and woman had a blowhole in their back and they just shot fucking water up in the air everywhere we were?
00:47:03.000You drink water, but you could shoot it up there so that you could do both.
00:47:06.000You could swim in the ocean and you could also live on the ground if we had a blowhole.
00:47:26.000The idea is that we're the only animal that has, its babies have so much fat on them, and that some of that might have been so that they were more buoyant.
00:47:33.000Like, in case they fell into the water, you could catch them quicker.
00:47:36.000Like, that's like, we were born with this layer of fat all over us, and eventually we become, like, a smaller version of ourselves.
00:47:43.000But chimps, like, as they're born, little babies, little muscle-bound, little babies, they're not all fat and chubby like our babies.
00:47:50.000What if like thousands and thousands and thousands of years ago, before Caveman, before everything, we were just like really, really fat and just lived in puddles.
00:47:58.000And so we just like, we still talked, like, hey, what's going on?
00:48:01.000But we just like lay in puddles and we couldn't move because we couldn't walk yet.
00:48:05.000Well, maybe we found some food that was so awesome that was in the puddles.
00:48:40.000Under a volcano like hundreds of millions of years old and they're gonna like dig down into this and this and like a whole like forest had been covered by volcanic ash and shit.
00:48:49.000They're sort of just discovering it and unpiecing it now and you realize when you see shit like that that at any point in time these giant natural disasters that have happened so many times over the history of the planet like we haven't got that wired yet.
00:49:39.000Let's just get crazy and just say, 65 million years ago when the dinosaurs got hit by that big meteor, let's say there was no monkeys back then, because I'm pretty sure there weren't.
00:49:47.000So just in 65 million years, which is nothing, all this shit has happened.
00:51:35.000Yeah, our forms of transportation are quite frightening when you think about what happens when they go wrong.
00:51:41.000But what's really fascinating is what does the future hold?
00:51:44.000You know, 200 years ago when people were first putting together railroads, they would have never, ever believed that we could get to the point we are today.
00:51:52.000200 years ago, there was no cars 200 years ago, right?
00:52:15.000We're going to make some sort of a Star Trek replica thing where you beam yourself places.
00:52:20.000And shit's going to go wrong sometimes.
00:52:22.000There's going to be terrorists that set up mirrors so that as you try to beam yourself up, it fucking scatters your essence all throughout the universe.
00:52:30.000Who knows what kind of crazy time travel teleportation shit they're going to be able to figure out as far as travel in the next 200 years.
00:52:40.000I think it's going to have something to do with traveling back from Japan to LA back and forth so many times until you start going back in time more and more and more.
00:53:07.000I don't know what's really going on there.
00:53:09.000But you gotta assume that if they could figure out a way to transport anything, anything, even an email, even the idea that something's going through a fucking, going through a Wi-Fi network in space, it's in the air, and it lands in your fucking laptop, and you're just sitting there wirelessly connected to, you know, to the universe, and then something comes in, a big file, a big piece of information.
00:53:31.000You know, the fact that you can do that...
00:53:33.000You start thinking about what if you could figure out a way to break a person down to ones and zeros.
00:53:38.000What if you could break a person down to a program?
00:53:41.000If you commit to being a program, in our internet we offer you a lifelong creative adventure.
00:53:48.000You can decide what you want to do with your life.
00:53:51.000You'll be living online and your consciousness will be in the hand of trusted engineers that were responsible for such amazing movies as Lord of the Rings and King Kong.
00:54:03.000You get to sign up for this shit, and as long as your credit holds out, they just connect you and your essence to a computer, and they throw you into a computer simulation, and you're just a plug in the wall.
00:54:37.000Anyway, he's the one who was in The Matrix and he decided that he was going to give up and he was going to join the other side.
00:54:43.000He was like one of the good guys, one of the parts of the resistance, but he couldn't hack it anymore.
00:54:47.000He's getting tired of it, so he's going to give up Morpheus.
00:54:50.000And they were in a restaurant with him, and he's eating steak, and he was telling them that he wants to be a good-looking guy, an important person, maybe a movie star.
00:55:07.000You can either continue what you're doing or be the baddest motherfucker in the world in The Matrix, and you won't be able to discern whether it's real or not.
00:55:17.000What a weird choice and a real possibility.
00:55:21.000When you stop and think about what an incredible movie that was, that that movie presented this idea, and the fact that as technology moves forward, that might one day become a possibility.
00:55:33.000Some sort of a computer neuro interface that projects a created reality into your own head and hijacks all your senses and has all your senses feeling and smelling and has your dick getting hard and you really think you're fucking.
00:57:28.000First of all, you've got to be careful because if they're good, like you roll with like Misha Tate or someone like that or Ronda Rousey, they'll fucking strangle you like a dude will too.
00:57:36.000Like you've got to watch your P's and Q's.
00:58:42.000And you're like, oh, that's definitely his dick.
00:58:43.000But you got to think, man, if you're a gay guy and you were really into, like, fighting for your boy pussy, if you want to fight for your boy pussy, you want to go do battle and then fuck a guy.
00:58:54.000Take him down, mount him, take his back, and then just get in that extra hook.
00:58:58.000Some dudes, that's what they're looking for.
00:59:01.000As long, listen, as long as any guy doesn't do that, as long as you don't go raping other guys you're training with, you know?
00:59:07.000But the thing is, though, the thing that I wonder, you know, I don't know if the guy actually did this, which is why I'm not saying anything, but I would wonder if he was honest about it, if anybody had asked.
00:59:18.000I would assume that that's like a part of a contract, right?
01:01:03.000And then, you know, when people think that they're being disrespected or that their authority is not being, you know, accurately represented, you know, they'll step in and take things to a horrible place.
01:01:16.000And that's what I think probably happened.
01:01:18.000It's a terrible thing to watch because you watch and you think, that could be my sister.
01:02:25.000So the idea that you're just randomly giving tasers to all these dudes, and some of them, I've seen some of the moves where people taser people.
01:02:32.000I've seen some of the shit that happens, and that's fucking wrong, man.
01:06:23.000Yeah, Ariel Helwani was going to hang out with us one night, but before he went out, he wanted to go and check out some pro wrestling thing.
01:06:30.000And by the time he came out, I was already asleep.
01:07:13.000Like, that's where, I guess, Sakuraba, who's one of the most famous Japanese mixed martial artists ever, he actually has a roots, his roots are in pro wrestling.
01:07:21.000You know, just, but he could really fight.
01:07:23.000You know, so he would do all that, you know, choreographed shit, but he could do it to you if he wanted to as well.
01:07:31.000No, I think he had a knee injury, apparently.
01:07:33.000Apparently his doctor had told him not to fight.
01:07:35.000Look, you know, people want to poo-poo this, and you don't know.
01:07:39.000You know, people would say, oh, you just push it out, you push it out, it looked like you just want to get a paycheck.
01:07:44.000I heard a lot of different things like that, and I disagree entirely.
01:07:47.000I think he was in a situation where he wanted to put on a great show.
01:07:52.000I know that it was super important for him to fight in Japan.
01:07:55.000So, if he fought regardless of the fact that he hurt his knee like that, you know, and you look at how he, I mean, all the pieces point to that.
01:08:04.000So that means something was wrong and he couldn't train.
01:08:07.000Something was wrong and that's why he couldn't cut the weight.
01:08:09.000Because you need to do it, when you're cutting a lot of weight like Rampage, he's going down from like 230 sometimes.
01:08:14.000And when you're doing that, you've got to do that over a period of time where you're really smart about your calorie intake and you're really smart about the amount of cardio you do.
01:08:26.000Sometimes guys, when they come in heavy, the camp becomes more about losing the weight than it does about improving skills.
01:08:33.000And that's why a lot of guys like Anthony Johnson, they'll do better, actually, and they look better when they go up a weight class, you know, in my opinion, because then all of a sudden they're not cutting nearly as much, and now they get to focus their entire training camp on actual skills.
01:08:46.000With that said, you know, it's an open debate, you know.
01:08:52.000Different people know how to do it better than other people do.
01:08:55.000The idea of one person having it figured out universally for every person who competes, that's never going to happen, you know.
01:09:03.000It's wild watching fights in Japan, though, isn't it?
01:10:55.000Bears, like teddy bears, like that run your, you know, your company's represented by a big smiley teddy bear.
01:11:01.000Yeah, and even like the description on the toilet, like, you know, should like a kid like reaching in there and there would be like this cartoon of the character crying and stuff.
01:11:09.000Yeah, the cartoon telling you not to like stick your mouth on the toilet seat where the water comes out.
01:11:14.000They don't want anybody hovering their head over and just drinking the shit water.
01:13:38.000Obviously, I know they have totally different music, but the names.
01:13:41.000Every now and then, for whatever reason, you have a misfire in your brain, and you've connected someone with the wrong person for a couple of months, and then you have to relearn it.
01:13:49.000And when you relearn it, sometimes it doesn't take.
01:15:00.000You know, that's the argument that the people that are in counseling and in rehabilitation for alcohol and drugs, that's the argument that these people will always use.
01:15:29.000There's some people that have never had a drunk fuck with their ex-girlfriend where you're like 23 years old and you text her in the middle of the night and she responds.
01:15:41.000And you're like, what are you doing, you dirty bitch?
01:15:43.000And she responds back, I'm waiting for you to come over here and fuck me.
01:19:47.000And we had classic stoner conversation, talking about things that scared the fuck out of us, talking about crazy animals in other countries.
01:22:03.000And the other question would be, if they didn't, would it be possible to make something that would fit in there that was made out of glass?
01:22:32.000I'm sure they wouldn't choose that if it was.
01:22:33.000I would say they wouldn't either, but you know, sometimes it takes a long time before people find out things do fucked up things to them.
01:22:39.000Like, for instance, it took them a while before they figured out that if you have plastic bottles of water in the sun, that it actually can...
01:22:49.000Are you doing that on camera so that you...
01:22:54.000No, I was just showing the release thing.
01:22:56.000So I didn't have to pull out the pipe like a normal bong.
01:23:01.000the folks that are only listening to this on audio is that it's got some sort of a thing on the bottom where you can clear out the whole bong by hitting a little, you pull down like a little lever.
01:23:10.000But I mean, I would assume that if sun and bottled water, if the plastic can emit chemicals and it gets in your bottled water when you leave it in the sun, then I would think that if you're heating up weed over some plastic or acrylic, whatever...
01:24:21.000But melatonin, apparently, there's a woman, I think she was an executive of Brillstein Grey, something like that, some big production company or something like that, and she was going over to Dubai for business, and she got arrested for having melatonin in her suitcase.
01:24:37.000Like, they viewed melatonin as a drug.
01:24:40.000And another guy got arrested because there was some sort of an issue with his visa, so they made him take a drug test, and he tested positive for poppy seeds because he had a bagel, a poppy seed bagel, and that's testing positive for heroin.
01:26:00.000Cedar trees, for folks who don't know because they weren't there with us.
01:26:03.000They planted a lot of, according to our driver, this is, and we've done no outside research whatsoever, but he said the reason why all these people were in surgical masks, a big part of it was hay fever that they got from cedar allergies.
01:26:16.000Like hay fever, cedar, some sort of a cedar allergy.
01:26:18.000And that cedar trees were introduced to Japan after World War II and as many as 30% of Japanese people are allergic to cedar.
01:26:27.000And that's because in the war they burned down their houses and the big fire of Japan and they had to rebuild all their houses.
01:26:36.000Planted those trees because they had so many houses to rebuild.
01:28:04.000I'm so glad that we did that because it totally turned out to be the right move.
01:28:07.000My mom saw me on TV. My mom was flipping through the channels and just happened to catch me on the fights in the audience on Spike or FX. What is it on now?
01:28:16.000Yeah, FX. Yeah, FX. And my mom's like, holy shit, that's Brian right on the TV. And so she watched me.
01:28:21.000But what was so funny is how quiet it was.
01:28:23.000And one of the fans would go, Red Band!
01:28:26.000And it was like everybody could hear it in the whole place.
01:28:55.000It was the total opposite as far as the outgoingness.
01:28:59.000People were very outgoing and although very friendly as well in Brazil, just much more outgoing and loud and having fun and laughing a lot.
01:29:07.000I might have more fun in Brazil than in Japan.
01:29:30.000There's so much cool stuff here as far as cool bands to see, cool art to see, cool comics to see, cool movies.
01:29:39.000Everywhere you go, by the way, they're fucking American movies that are dubbed over in other countries.
01:29:43.000I mean, in Japan, we went to the movie theater.
01:29:45.000It was like four out of five movies were American movies that had been dubbed over in Japanese.
01:29:49.000And all the posters were slightly changed, like the Mission Impossible poster looks slightly changed, I think, to make it look more like he was Japanese and stuff.
01:29:58.000Well, he was a little bit in the shadows, a little bit.
01:30:00.000But look, it's fucking awesome, awesome hanging out there, no doubt.
01:30:06.000But America's my favorite fucking country ever.
01:30:09.000Even though it's fucked up and corrupt and filled with cunts at the very top, what it embodies as far as what we're capable of producing is You know, America produces some fucking fun shit.
01:30:22.000Like, what I told you when I saw Honey Honey last night, I was like, God damn, this is like a, they're like such an American, badass, creative band, but it's so, like, the style is so American.
01:30:34.000You know, there's so many good parts of this country, you know, as far as, like, stand-up comedy goes, and it's like, you know, movies and artwork.
01:30:51.000It's like, you gotta figure out a way to balance that out.
01:30:53.000I wonder if that's the only way you can get so many crazy, wild, creative people in a spot.
01:30:58.000You have to have it be run like cunts.
01:31:01.000And the cunts that run it, they suppress everybody, and then art just blossoms out of that suppression, left and right.
01:31:06.000Because when I go to a place like Japan that's so polite and so nice, and they're so disciplined, and I'm like, man, yeah, but when was the last time you saw how many people were lining up for Japanese stand-up comedy?
01:31:17.000I mean, is it really popular all over the world?
01:31:20.000Is there master Japanese musicians that we don't know about?
01:31:24.000You know, I mean, why is it everywhere we're going we're listening to American music?
01:31:28.000Is it that the way to get really popular, really exciting artwork is to suppress the youth early on so they're fighting against it and that's where rock and roll comes, rebellion, and that's where the truth that very few people would have the balls to say.
01:32:17.000it no it's 2012 nobody surviving without weed dog nobody not a spot in the globe hi hi hi hi as polite as possible I need to help you that would be funny if he went to a different sounding high like his voice got really high high high high as it goes on Yeah, that really sucks that Joey can't go to other countries because of his record when he was young.
01:33:14.000You know, would you want that bubbling underneath you, sneaking across the borders to fuck your women, light things on fire, then sneak back over in the night?
01:33:54.000You know, you talk, and all the people would be thinking, like, oh my god, what if I'm staying in the hotel where this guy's flinging loads in the walls?
01:34:23.000Some maid walks in at the exact moment and she has her eye open when your load falls from the ceiling and she doesn't expect and it drops right in her eye.
01:34:43.000How long do sperms live outside the body?
01:34:44.000I don't know, but I need to find that.
01:34:46.000Can you shoot a load on a girl's tits and could she stuff it in her pussy and get pregnant?
01:34:50.000Yeah, see, I always wondered about that.
01:34:52.000Like, there was definitely times where, like, in the past where, like, I would have sex and then, like, I would, like, take off the condom and just throw it on the ground or something like that.
01:35:42.000Fertilization is possible as long as the sperm remains alive.
01:35:47.000I need to make a phone call real quick.
01:35:49.000Ejaculated outside the body may only survive minutes to a few hours.
01:35:54.000May survive only minutes to a few hours.
01:35:57.000So, if you've got some crazy survivor man sperm, they might be able to last for hours, and she could scoop it out of her condom and stuff it in her box, and then you've got a baby, whether you like it or not.
01:36:18.000You should bring lighter fluid every time you fuck so it'd be such a badass move.
01:36:22.000After you fucking go, you pull the condom off, you tie it at the end, you throw it in the sink, you throw lighter fluid on it, and you throw a match on it.
01:36:49.000Part of one of the things that I was doing when I was doing those promos, I was doing a couple of them, I was thinking, God, I can't wait because if this show gets canceled, I have so much new material.
01:39:50.000I don't want to say the bit because I want people to see it this weekend.
01:39:53.000I don't want to even give up the premise because it's one of those when you start giving up the premise, you give up a lot of the power of the joke.
01:39:58.000But goddamn, I heard it and I was like, holy fuck, that's good.
01:41:52.000When I write for a couple days in a row when I'm working on some shit, I feel like after sitting in front of a computer for a long period of time, I feel super uncomfortable.
01:42:06.000You remember when we were coming back and we were looking at these guys in LA? When you land, there's the TSA, they have a goddamn laboratory out where they're checking your food.
01:42:16.000The contrast between the way they are in Japan and the way they are in America is really stark.
01:42:29.000They were testing things and pulling people's strawberries apart, chopping them up and throwing them into some fucking blender, pouring things on them.
01:45:17.000Brian Callen told me, it totally makes sense, that the reason why they used to have paper houses there is because they have so many monsoons and typhoons that you didn't want your fucking house falling on you and killing you in the middle of the night.
01:54:30.000I bet if you came on a table and she scooped it up and stuffed it in her snatch, I bet she could probably say, you know, hey, you know, this is what he wanted.
01:54:38.000This fantasy was for me to get pregnant by stealing his sperm.
01:54:41.000That seems as crazy that you have to have responsibility for a liquid.
01:54:44.000Well, it's crazy that you have to have responsibility for a chemical process that results in a life.
01:55:02.000Yeah, you shouldn't be responsible, but then you would have to have a transcript for the night to prove that you didn't actually just come inside of her and just go, I came on the bed.
01:55:11.000Yeah, but that should be proved either way, you know?
01:56:51.000Some implant will just read the various variables in your body and then interface with some sort of a computer.
01:56:56.000You walk in front of somebody, it'll scan it, and it'll just read back the information.
01:57:00.000You think about how small computers are now compared to how big they were when NASA launched the Apollo missions, and then think of how small they're going to be in the future.
01:57:35.000Not a press conference, but an interview.
01:57:36.000He did an interview where he was saying that he knows that the government has access to information and that he can prove, or at least he believes to the best of his knowledge, that the government has received transmissions from aliens, been in communication with them.
01:59:12.000As far as when you come up to him, he always wants to be pet.
01:59:15.000He's a nice dog, but he gets a little snappy with people.
01:59:18.000Yeah, I guess the breed is kind of, like, very protective of just the family, but also, like, you know, they're just, like, complete assholes.
01:59:25.000But it's really weird facial expressions, like, this chick that was walking the dog in Japan, she was, like, about to turn this corner, and the dog wouldn't go, just stopped, and looked at her with this face, like, hey...
02:02:07.000Amazing dogs to walk the face of the earth.
02:02:12.000Also known as the African lion dog, the Rhodesian Ridgeback is a large muscular dog bred in Southern Africa to hunt lions.
02:02:20.000You know that term keeping a lion at bay?
02:02:23.000Well that came from the Rhodesian Ridgeback.
02:02:26.000The breed was created by Hottentots, an indigenous people of South Africa, and early German and Dutch settlers.
02:02:34.000They combined imported Mastiffs, Great Danes, Greyhounds, Bloodhounds, Terriers and other breeds with the Hottentot Dog, a semi-wild tribal guarding and hunting dog to create the Rhodesian Ridgeback.
02:02:48.000Imagine the type of personality it takes to run after a seven, eight hundred pound cat and chase it up a tree and that's the Rhodesian Ridgeback.
02:02:58.000The most unique and defining characteristic of the Rhodesian Ridgeback is his ridge.
02:03:03.000He can thank the wild Hottentot dog for that.
02:03:07.000It's basically hair going in the opposite direction of the hair that grows down the rest of their body.
02:03:12.000The ridge should be clearly defined and symmetrical and run the length of the dog's back.
02:04:57.000If you're taking off off the fucking LAX and you're in a Concorde and you're launching through the fucking air and you hit supersonic speeds...
02:05:34.000Well, one of them hit a tire that another plane had left behind on the runway.
02:05:39.000So as it was accelerating, it hit a tire and the tire kicked up and slammed into the plane and caused it to be on fire as they were in the air.
02:09:05.000I don't mind flying when it's nicer that the planes that go overseas seem to be a little bit bigger.
02:09:11.000Because I couldn't imagine being on a Southwest flight, or not a Southwest flight, but one of those Delta flights or whatever where it's super tight.
02:11:12.000But yet, they were flying all over the country.
02:11:14.000They were going all over the world, you know?
02:11:16.000I wonder if we're going to see an alternative power source that's strong enough to be able to fly planes without fuel, where you're almost like on a glider or an electric car of an airplane.
02:11:26.000Well, the idea is that if Tesla's inventions had ever come to fruition, one of them being wireless electricity, that that could have been a reality.
02:11:35.000Shooting electricity up in the airplane.
02:11:36.000Yeah, we could have developed some sort of...
02:11:39.000I don't understand it, so I can't even comment on how they would do it.
02:11:42.000I don't know how you broadcast electricity, but the idea was that he would do it almost like you'd be able to pull it out of the air like a radio signal.
02:15:16.000Subsonic airliners typically cruise below 40,000 feet.
02:15:21.000Above 50,000 feet, the lack of air pressure would give a time of useful consciousness in even a conditioned athlete of no more than 5 to 10 seconds.
02:15:44.000Is it because of the way the plane is built?
02:15:47.000Concord's altitude, the air density, is very low.
02:15:50.000A breach of cabin integrity would result in a loss of pressure severe enough so that plastic emergency oxygen masks installed on other passenger jets would not be effective and passengers would quickly suffer from hypoxia despite...
02:16:05.000Quickly donning the masks, Concord was equipped with smaller windows to reduce the rate of loss in the event of a breach.
02:21:03.000Forcing myself to do something like this and doing it so often and exposing myself to all these cool conversations with all these cool people, I am benefiting just as much as you are and I appreciate you guys to no end.
02:21:14.000The coolest thing in the world to work at a place and then have the wait staff and everyone say, man, your fans are so nice.