The Joe Rogan Experience - February 28, 2012


Joe Rogan Experience #189 -- B-Real

Topics
toilets Vaughn Lee UFC fight Frankie Edgar work Tumblr tattoos and Yakuza culture Russian women in Japan clubs strip search humiliation pro wrestling matches Pride fights in Japan alcohol aliens Ridgeback dogs flying over the ocean Tesla legacy hijacking
Hosted by
Joe Rogan
Guests
- B-Real
Mentioned
Brian Reichel Anderson Silva Mike Goldberg Frankie Edgar Vaughn Lee Fabricio Verdum Jesus Christ Duncan Trussell Kid Yamamoto Amy Schumer Roy Nelson Joey Pants Flash Judo Rhodesian Ridgeback Benson Henderson Greg Fitzsimmons Edgar Mitchell John Hopkins Brian Callen and 69 more
Joe Rogan Experience #188 - Amy Schumer Joe Rogan Experience #190 - Greg Fitzsimmons

Episode Stats


Length

2 hours and 22 minutes

Words per minute

205.51

Word count

29,360

Sentence count

3,482

Harmful content

Misogyny

153

sentences flagged

Toxicity

1,209

sentences flagged

Hate speech

111

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode, the boys talk about their recent trip to Japan, toilets, and Lady Gaga. Also, we talk about how much better the food is in Japan and how polite the people are. We also talk about the fact that the bathroom facilities in Japan are way better than the ones in the States and why we should all get a bidet to clean our buttholes. And, of course, we finish with a story about a guy who thinks Lady Gaga is a friend of his girlfriend's and wants to hook up with her. Just pay the 2.95 postage and we'll talk about it! Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. If you like what you hear, please HIT SUBSCRIBE and leave us a rating and review on Apple Podcasts! We'll be looking out for new episodes in the next few weeks. 5 stars is much appreciated and really helps spread the word. Thank you so much to everyone who has listened to this podcast. XOXO, Brian, Matt, and the boys. xoxo. Brian and the guys at the podcast, XO. -Bryan and the crew at the radio station, Matt and the team at . Brian & the boys at - and the band at , and all the other places in the world. and at the band, and all of the amazing people at the music at the in the music in this episode. . . . and the food at the food in the restaurant in Japan. Thanks for listening to the food and the music by Lady Gaga at Lady Gaga's restaurant in the video, and so much more! and we hope you enjoy the food that Lady Gaga gives us a chance to be a little bit better than they can do that in Japan, and that we can be more like Lady Gaga in the rest of the rest in the future, and we love you all the best of the world, and it's more like that you can do more than that, and they are more than just that, thank you, and thank you for being nice like that, we really appreciate you, more than they deserve it, so much, and more, and much more, etc etc, etc, and all that kind of stuff like that. Love ya.

Transcript

Transcripts from "The Joe Rogan Experience" are sourced from the Knowledge Fight Interactive Search Tool. Explore them interactively here.
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
Topics generated with Qwen2.5-3B-Instruct.
Hosts, guests, and mentioned names generated with spaCy (en_core_web_sm), reconciled against Wikidata.
00:00:04.000 Meow.
00:00:05.000 Is that your new thing?
00:00:06.000 Yeah.
00:00:07.000 Oh, okay.
00:00:08.000 Well, this podcast has already been sponsored. 0.99
00:00:11.000 So this shit is just no beginning, no music, Brian. 0.99
00:00:16.000 There's nothing that needs to be done. 0.99
00:00:18.000 Yeah, that's it.
00:00:19.000 Launch.
00:00:20.000 I'm tweeting something right now. 0.97
00:00:24.000 Ridiculous. 0.99
00:00:25.000 Boom. 0.99
00:00:27.000 So, have you heard the news?
00:00:28.000 What's that?
00:00:30.000 Just hoping you knew something interesting to talk about.
00:00:32.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:00:33.000 No, have you...
00:00:35.000 Whatever.
00:00:37.000 Dude, I'm addicted to toilets now.
00:00:40.000 I've been looking all over these Japanese toilets that we experienced in Japan.
00:00:44.000 And it's funny because if you don't know what it is, they're heated already.
00:00:49.000 And so when you sit down, it's... 0.99
00:00:53.000 It feels like somebody else has sat down taking a massive shit before you. 0.99
00:00:57.000 Yeah, it's warm. 0.99
00:00:57.000 You know what I mean? 0.99
00:00:58.000 It's weird.
00:00:58.000 It's warm and inviting.
00:00:59.000 And then you take a shit and then you push a button. 0.99
00:01:01.000 There's three buttons. 1.00
00:01:02.000 One is like hot water, like a missile getting shot up your ass. 1.00
00:01:06.000 Hot water. 0.99
00:01:07.000 And it feels really good. 0.99
00:01:08.000 I tried to position my asshole perfectly trying to do it. 0.99
00:01:10.000 Well, there's three different things. 1.00
00:01:12.000 One of them is bidet. 0.99
00:01:14.000 And the bidet is like the blast of water that cleans your butt. 0.98
00:01:19.000 And then there's a mild spray. 0.98
00:01:21.000 And then there's a lot.
00:01:23.000 See, all of them seemed pretty good.
00:01:25.000 One was a little hotter than normal.
00:01:27.000 It also had an air dryer.
00:01:30.000 I don't know if you noticed that, but I didn't want to wait for the air dryer. 0.99
00:01:33.000 That seemed gay, but yet me trying to move that water in my ass for 20 minutes. 0.99
00:01:38.000 I think I sat there at one point. 1.00
00:01:40.000 It felt really good.
00:01:42.000 It does feel good. 1.00
00:01:44.000 You don't realize how little attention your asshole gets, especially when it comes to pleasure devices. 1.00
00:01:48.000 In America, we have a problem with that. 1.00
00:01:50.000 You can get something that massages your neck, no problem. 1.00
00:01:53.000 But to have a warm stream of water that constantly pummels your asshole with love, just sudsy love, for us, it seems gross that you would clean your asshole that way. 1.00
00:02:03.000 And it seems like the more you think about it, it seems like the Japanese people are clean, not only for their ass, but the whole city seems clean. 1.00
00:02:10.000 They seem really clean. 0.99
00:02:11.000 Very clean.
00:02:12.000 But just the fact that that technology exists, everyone should be using it.
00:02:16.000 Why aren't we using it? 0.77
00:02:17.000 It's ridiculous.
00:02:18.000 Every home should have one of these. 1.00
00:02:20.000 Instead of having a big TV, you should have something that really cleans your ass. 1.00
00:02:23.000 If it came down to that choice, either one, I would say get your ass clean first and save up for a TV. And it wasn't just expensive or rich people. 0.99
00:02:30.000 The bathrooms in all the places we went to had that.
00:02:33.000 Yeah, it's just standard.
00:02:35.000 It's normal.
00:02:36.000 Either way, they're smart.
00:02:38.000 They figured out a lot of things.
00:02:40.000 They're such incredible innovators.
00:02:42.000 I love Japan, though.
00:02:43.000 Amazing place.
00:02:44.000 Fascinating place, man, when it comes to the way they behave and how polite they are.
00:02:49.000 For a lot of people, the vibe of it is so much more toned down than American behavior.
00:02:57.000 For a lot of people, it's like, wow, this place feels really good.
00:03:00.000 It's nice to know that everywhere you go, generally speaking, most people are very polite.
00:03:05.000 It's unusual.
00:03:07.000 Even security at the arena, so polite.
00:03:10.000 Amazing.
00:03:11.000 So nice.
00:03:13.000 One weird thing that somebody said to me, I don't want to say who it was, but he goes to Japan a lot.
00:03:19.000 He said, you know, the sad thing is that if you really wanted to hook up with any girl that you meet here, all you have to do is tell them you're friends with Lady Gaga or something like that.
00:03:31.000 And no one lies.
00:03:32.000 Most people don't lie in Japan, so they're not used to it.
00:03:35.000 And so they'll believe you.
00:03:36.000 They automatically believe you.
00:03:38.000 What?
00:03:39.000 Hold on.
00:03:41.000 Less people lie there.
00:03:43.000 Is that a statistically provable thing?
00:03:45.000 That's what he said.
00:03:46.000 He said that's how they are, that those people are.
00:03:50.000 They're very innocent people.
00:03:53.000 They're also very pushed over.
00:03:55.000 He said he would order something from the front desk and they're like, sorry, the chef went home and stuff like that.
00:04:00.000 He goes, no, I want this.
00:04:02.000 And they're like, okay, can you come downstairs and pick it up?
00:04:06.000 And he'll be like, no, you're bringing it to my room.
00:04:08.000 What?
00:04:09.000 It was really weird.
00:04:11.000 He was saying how it's kind of sad how nice they are.
00:04:17.000 Well, who knows what they did to that food before it got up.
00:04:19.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00
00:04:20.000 It's such a dickhead. 1.00
00:04:20.000 Oh, yeah, yeah. 1.00
00:04:22.000 That's how they dried off their assholes. 1.00
00:04:24.000 They dried their asshole off of your fucking food. 1.00
00:04:27.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:04:27.000 Oof. 1.00
00:04:28.000 But it did seem like that.
00:04:29.000 It seemed like everywhere you went, everyone was just insanely nice.
00:04:32.000 Like, super innocent and nice.
00:04:34.000 There were a lot of very polite people there.
00:04:36.000 It's an interesting culture.
00:04:38.000 You know, when you think about what Japan went through for a long time when they had, like, ronins and when they were... 0.91
00:04:44.000 They essentially went through a long period of, like, civil war. 0.99
00:04:48.000 They went through a lot of crazy shit.
00:04:51.000 And the fact that it's the birthplace of martial arts, for the most part, the early successful martial arts, the core components of mixed martial arts, three of them come from Japan. 0.99
00:05:02.000 Judo, karate, and jujitsu all come from Japan.
00:05:06.000 It's really amazing.
00:05:07.000 They figured out how the science of launching people through the air with their bodies and slamming them on the ground...
00:05:14.000 I mean, judo, for a lot of people who don't, like, you've never watched it and don't have an appreciation for it, the watching the intricacies of the moves and people, like, hoist each other through the fucking air and slam each other on their back, it's amazing to watch. 0.55
00:05:25.000 It's a crazy thing.
00:05:26.000 I mean, a really technical thing that they figured out how to do. 0.94
00:05:29.000 Like, all the shit they remember, like, you'd watch, like, in an old, like, Batman movie where a guy could just flip a dude through the air and boom! 0.95
00:05:36.000 Well, a real judo guy can do that. 0.99
00:05:39.000 They really can grab... 1.00
00:05:40.000 If you're wearing, like, a winter coat and you get in an argument with a judo guy, Like, you're fucked. 1.00
00:05:45.000 That guy's going to hoist you through the air by your jacket and slam you in the head. 1.00
00:05:48.000 You know, it's a crazy martial art. 0.93
00:05:50.000 And that emanated from Japan.
00:05:52.000 They figured that out.
00:05:53.000 They figured out kicking.
00:05:54.000 Like, all the straight kicks emanated from Japan, I believe.
00:05:58.000 Like, karate-style kicks. 0.98
00:06:00.000 You know, and the Koreans, like, revamped a lot of shit and, in my opinion, made a lot of techniques better. 1.00
00:06:05.000 They put a little bit more power to it. 0.98
00:06:08.000 We can't deny that karate is one of the core tenets of martial arts.
00:06:14.000 It's a good thing to learn.
00:06:16.000 There's a lot of good techniques in karate.
00:06:18.000 It came from Japan.
00:06:20.000 Jiu-Jitsu.
00:06:21.000 What originally became Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu started off as Japanese Judo and Japanese Judo submissions.
00:06:29.000 It's amazing. 1.00
00:06:30.000 All that shit comes from Japan. 1.00
00:06:31.000 I mean, people have innovated it and changed it a bit, but the core idea of it, trying to figure out how to strangle people on the ground, all that shit came from Japan. 1.00
00:06:40.000 All those submissions and arm bars, it's amazing how much shit came from there. 0.98
00:06:44.000 Yeah. 0.98
00:06:45.000 And yet, that UFC was kind of interesting seeing people that were from Japan, that were big in pride and stuff like that, them fighting Americans and seeing what the outcome was.
00:06:56.000 It was kind of shocking.
00:06:57.000 That was one of the most amazing UFCs.
00:07:00.000 It was an amazing UFC. I think, yeah, there was a lot of guys.
00:07:05.000 The guy who beat Kid Yamamoto is not from America, though.
00:07:10.000 I'll look up his name because it was important.
00:07:12.000 By the way, what's his name?
00:07:14.000 Yamamoto?
00:07:15.000 Yeah.
00:07:15.000 He looked like a video game character.
00:07:18.000 His back and his muscles were insane.
00:07:21.000 I think you're thinking of Akiyama.
00:07:23.000 Oh, Akiyama.
00:07:23.000 That's right.
00:07:24.000 You racist. 1.00
00:07:25.000 You racist. 0.99
00:07:27.000 No, but he looks like a video game character. 0.97
00:07:29.000 I was waiting for him to start shooting fireballs out of his hands like Street Fighter. 1.00
00:07:33.000 Yeah, he's a bad motherfucker. 1.00
00:07:35.000 And he's a bad motherfucker like a musician, right? 1.00
00:07:37.000 He sells out arenas for his music and stuff. 0.99
00:07:40.000 Have you heard his music? 0.98
00:07:41.000 Yeah, I've watched him sing on a YouTube clip, and there's like fucking 30,000 people in there. 0.99
00:07:46.000 It's nuts. 1.00
00:07:47.000 It's like boy band type shit. 1.00
00:07:48.000 Really? 1.00
00:07:49.000 It's amazing, dude.
00:07:50.000 Is it like that fun Japanese boy band type thing?
00:07:54.000 Yeah, Vaughn Lee was the gentleman that fought Kid Yamamoto.
00:07:57.000 Vaughn Lee, he's not from America.
00:08:00.000 I believe he's England.
00:08:02.000 I should probably check that real quick because I don't want to give some country credit for this guy, but he submitted Kid Yamamoto.
00:08:09.000 Yeah, Birmingham.
00:08:10.000 Birmingham, England.
00:08:10.000 There you go.
00:08:11.000 Vaughn Lee, he submitted Kid Yamamoto after it was a wild ass fucking fight. 0.99
00:08:16.000 Kid Yamamoto clipped him at one point in time and he clipped Kid Yamamoto. 0.98
00:08:20.000 When Kid Yamamoto clipped him, he stayed real calm and composed and Kid Yamamoto was jumping all over him and the kid kept it together.
00:08:27.000 And then Vaughn Lee eventually went down to the ground and Vaughn Lee went from a triangle to an armbar submission chain. 0.98
00:08:35.000 It was fucking beautiful, man. 0.97
00:08:37.000 The way he hit it was like, it was so tight. 0.99
00:08:39.000 And Kid Yamato, first of all, he's struggling from the triangle, struggling from the triangle.
00:08:43.000 And the dude just, whap, just flipped it over and switched it nice.
00:08:46.000 Really got his hips deep into it and finished that armbar. 0.99
00:08:49.000 And I was like, wow, that kid is fucking badass. 0.59
00:08:52.000 And I'd seen him fight one other time in the UFC, but... 0.98
00:08:55.000 Kid Yamamoto, people don't understand what a killer that guy used to be.
00:08:58.000 He knocked out, I think it was Kyle Uno and Hoyler Gracie in one night.
00:09:03.000 He knocked out both of them.
00:09:05.000 In his prime, he was a beast.
00:09:09.000 But I don't know, maybe it's...
00:09:12.000 I don't know, either he has declined a bit or the sport has passed him by.
00:09:16.000 I don't know what it is, but he can't seem to...
00:09:18.000 But the other guy was, what, 34 and he was 38 or something like that?
00:09:21.000 I mean, the age difference?
00:09:23.000 I think he's only 34. I think Kid Yamamoto's 34, which still leaves him in his athletic prime.
00:09:28.000 You know, like Anderson is 37, I believe. 0.93
00:09:31.000 And, you know, Anderson's fucking absolute his prime.
00:09:35.000 As you get older, the good fighters, the really technical fighters like Anderson, they just get better because everything is based on technique. 0.94
00:09:43.000 As long as they keep their fitness up and they have good discipline, which Anderson does.
00:09:47.000 Like Bernard Hopkins, same thing.
00:09:49.000 They can compete well, well, well into their 40s. 0.99
00:09:53.000 So Anderson is in his fucking prime right now, in my opinion. 0.99
00:09:57.000 37 years old is not the same as 37 years was just like 10 or 20 years ago. 0.99
00:10:02.000 A guy like him might take him a little longer to heal from shit, but the way he can move and the way he can perform is pretty fucking prime. 0.99
00:10:09.000 Or past energy. 0.99
00:10:11.000 Like he got hurt in the past or something like that.
00:10:14.000 What's that?
00:10:14.000 Did he get hurt in the past?
00:10:16.000 Like a knockout?
00:10:17.000 No, no.
00:10:18.000 He's never been knocked out.
00:10:19.000 He's been stopped in fights by submissions.
00:10:22.000 He...
00:10:23.000 I tried to say injury, but I couldn't say injury.
00:10:25.000 Yeah, he's been tapped a couple of times.
00:10:27.000 Once when he was younger in his career and another time by Ryo Chonin, one of the most spectacular submission attacks ever.
00:10:34.000 He dove on him like pro wrestling style in a flying scissors hold, caught him by the legs, took him to the ground and got him in a heel hook like that. 0.76
00:10:41.000 It was amazing.
00:10:43.000 I mean, it was one of the most beautiful, almost like it looks fake, submission attempts ever.
00:10:49.000 And especially considering he did it on Anderson Silva.
00:10:52.000 So Anderson, he's a human.
00:10:54.000 He's just the best.
00:10:56.000 He's a human, but he's the best.
00:10:59.000 So you didn't re-watch the main fight?
00:11:01.000 No, I haven't watched it yet.
00:11:04.000 I know a lot of people think that Frankie Edgar won three rounds to two rounds.
00:11:09.000 When it was over, I was pretty sure that Henderson had probably gotten a decision, but...
00:11:16.000 Man, it's hard to tell sometimes what other people are seeing.
00:11:19.000 And I really believe that sometimes the best view is from the monitor.
00:11:25.000 You know, because sometimes I'm looking up and, you know, our heads are basically where the fighter's feet are at.
00:11:32.000 You know, and...
00:11:33.000 We're looking up, and it's the perfect view, really. 0.99
00:11:37.000 It's an amazing fucking place to watch a fight. 0.96
00:11:39.000 But to be super critical about a fight, I always wonder if maybe the best way to do it would be to be able to watch the television screen. 0.99
00:11:49.000 It sounds ridiculous because you want to watch it live, but there's a cage in your way.
00:11:53.000 There's posts in your way sometimes. 0.99
00:11:55.000 Sometimes, because of the cage, I miss shit that's really critical in a fight. 0.92
00:12:01.000 Roy Nelson took this giant swing at Fabricio Verdum, and Verdum got his back like that, and I don't know what happened. 0.95
00:12:07.000 I had to go back and watch it in the replays to see how Fabricio got his back, because while it was happening, it all took place behind a pole.
00:12:16.000 So it's like you see it happen and then you gotta look down. 0.99
00:12:18.000 And by the time you look down, Fabricio is such a fucking ninja. 0.99
00:12:22.000 He had taken that guy's back so quickly. 0.99
00:12:24.000 It was incredible.
00:12:25.000 And that's like one of those fights where you see how legit Roy Nelson is too.
00:12:29.000 Because Roy Nelson survived having Fabricio Verdum on his back.
00:12:33.000 I also think there should be certain fights where you look at the final outcome of them, the person themselves.
00:12:39.000 I saw the press conference afterwards and somebody compared the photos of Henderson and him after the fight.
00:12:48.000 Just looking at their faces, you look at that.
00:12:51.000 The fight's still going on here.
00:12:53.000 That looks horrible.
00:12:55.000 I think, you know, here's the thing.
00:12:57.000 There's a thing called fight metric, okay?
00:12:59.000 And the fight metric is, you know, the idea of there's a bunch of different versions of it. 1.00
00:13:04.000 Kill your fucking cat, dude. 1.00
00:13:05.000 Why do you got your cat going off? 1.00
00:13:08.000 There's a bunch of different versions of it.
00:13:10.000 It's not a real cat.
00:13:10.000 We're talking about an electronic cat.
00:13:12.000 I have cats.
00:13:13.000 I love my cats.
00:13:16.000 Jesus Christ.
00:13:18.000 Completely threw me off.
00:13:21.000 What were we even talking about?
00:13:23.000 Scoring something?
00:13:24.000 Scoring.
00:13:25.000 I hope you're saying something like...
00:13:27.000 If somebody goes like this, if I go like this, this counts, right?
00:13:31.000 This is point, point, point, point, point.
00:13:32.000 I don't think that should be the same as...
00:13:34.000 Significant strikes.
00:13:35.000 The difference is one guy's significant strikes do not equal the amount of damage done by the other guy's significant strikes.
00:13:42.000 So if one guy is a power puncher and he's landing super clean...
00:13:47.000 And the other guy doesn't hit as hard and he's not quite landing as clean or not quite landing as hard, the guy who hits you harder is the one who's really ultimately winning.
00:13:55.000 And when you look at how many punches were landed and how many strikes were landed, man, I bet Frankie Edgar landed a lot of solid strikes.
00:14:05.000 But he never seemed to really rock him.
00:14:08.000 There was one time he knocked him down with a right hand, but Henderson, that was at the end of the fight, where Henderson wanted him to get on top and he was pounding on him at the end, remember?
00:14:16.000 So it was like, you know, he had done...
00:14:19.000 I mean, I think that Frankie Edgar had done a lot.
00:14:22.000 It's conceivable that he, you know, easily people watching at home could have thought that he won.
00:14:28.000 Just by virtue of the fact that, you know, it's an amazing thing.
00:14:32.000 What he always does, he gets hurt and he comes back and you can't stop the guy's heart.
00:14:36.000 It's really, you root for the guy.
00:14:37.000 That's absolutely for sure.
00:14:39.000 You know, Frankie Edgar has the biggest heart of any fighter I've ever seen fight ever.
00:14:43.000 That guy has zero quit in him.
00:14:45.000 And there's a lot of people who would have taken their check and fucking, you know, there's a few shots that he's taken where a lot of people have been like, you know what, I don't think I can go on. 0.96
00:14:53.000 But that dude always finds a way to go on. 0.96
00:14:56.000 Not just go on, but he seems to go after you right after you do that to him.
00:14:59.000 And he wants to get you.
00:15:00.000 You know, he's unbelievably competitive.
00:15:03.000 But that other dude did a lot more damage.
00:15:05.000 That's for sure.
00:15:07.000 Ben Henderson is a really, really good fighter.
00:15:10.000 It's not just that Ben Henderson was bigger than him.
00:15:13.000 It's Benson Henderson is really good at almost everything.
00:15:17.000 His jujitsu's nasty.
00:15:18.000 His wrestling's nasty.
00:15:20.000 He's super strong.
00:15:21.000 He's always in great condition. 0.99
00:15:22.000 He can fucking kick like Bruce Lee. 1.00
00:15:25.000 That crazy shit he did when Frankie Edwards was grabbing his foot and he jumped up in the air and swung that foot over his head. 1.00
00:15:30.000 That was wild. 1.00
00:15:32.000 I mean, that's some Matrix shit. 0.99
00:15:33.000 I mean, what would have happened if that thing landed? 0.99
00:15:37.000 I mean, Frankie Edgar is so fast.
00:15:39.000 It's hard to catch him with anything like that.
00:15:41.000 I mean, he's just, especially in the early rounds, that dude moves like nobody else in the business.
00:15:48.000 I got to have really awesome seats.
00:15:50.000 Thank you so much.
00:15:51.000 I mean, it was so amazing.
00:15:52.000 I got to sit right behind Joe.
00:15:54.000 But one thing I was so amazed by was that the photographer, the UFC photographer, I don't know if he does every single UFC, but just watching him work.
00:16:03.000 He has a camera on both sides.
00:16:05.000 He's just pulling one like a gun super fast.
00:16:08.000 Yeah, that's Josh.
00:16:08.000 And the shots he got, look at that shot.
00:16:10.000 That is just fucking amazing that he got that. 0.98
00:16:13.000 Perfect. 0.98
00:16:15.000 I'm just amazed by his work, just watching him work.
00:16:19.000 And another thing was that it was so quiet in Japan because everyone was being polite, except there was some English people here and there that was screaming and making owl noises and stuff.
00:16:28.000 But it was awesome hearing the fight sounds.
00:16:31.000 That's one thing that I think not many people have probably got to experience, but Hearing it in Japan where it's super quiet and hearing those punches, that was scary almost.
00:16:41.000 That was like Monster in the Woods because you could feel how horrible that would have felt if that happened to yourself. 0.95
00:16:47.000 Well, things are always better when people around you shut the fuck up and just enjoy the things. 0.82
00:16:52.000 But most people, when they get to a crowd... 0.99
00:16:53.000 They just want to yell and scream.
00:16:55.000 And sometimes that's awesome.
00:16:56.000 Sometimes it enhances a fight when you're around people and everybody's screaming and something crazy is going on.
00:17:00.000 It enhances me. 1.00
00:17:01.000 When I'm watching a fight and I'm around a bunch of people going, oh shit, oh shit. 1.00
00:17:04.000 To me, that's like, it makes it crazy. 1.00
00:17:06.000 It makes it, you know, so there is something to that.
00:17:09.000 Would you prefer it to be quiet like the Japanese style? 0.99
00:17:12.000 I think that would be my ideal.
00:17:13.000 It's pretty badass.
00:17:14.000 It is pretty badass.
00:17:15.000 I went to see that band Honey Honey last night.
00:17:18.000 Oh yeah, how was that?
00:17:19.000 They were awesome.
00:17:20.000 But one of the things that it was...
00:17:22.000 I mean, they were really...
00:17:22.000 You're in love with that band.
00:17:24.000 They were really good. 0.97
00:17:24.000 They were really fucking good, man. 0.97
00:17:26.000 So one of the things that was weird, though, was that it was in a crowd where a bunch of people were sitting around drinking and they were watching music. 0.96
00:17:32.000 And some people were just having full-on yelling conversations with themselves, with each other, while this band was playing.
00:17:40.000 And then some songs, everyone would shut the fuck up and it was amazing.
00:17:46.000 It was like, you know, there was some, like, really slow... 0.83
00:17:48.000 Those are the good songs there.
00:17:49.000 It's not even that, man.
00:17:51.000 It wasn't that those were the good songs.
00:17:52.000 It was like you just catch them when they're done talking.
00:17:54.000 Oh, right. 1.00
00:17:55.000 Because people just get tired of talking about shit. 1.00
00:17:56.000 Right. 1.00
00:17:56.000 But they... 1.00
00:17:57.000 Bands don't seem to mind.
00:17:59.000 Like, they seem...
00:17:59.000 It seems to be okay to talk in a...
00:18:02.000 Certain settings, I'm sure, it's just like practice round, you know?
00:18:05.000 That's like...
00:18:06.000 They like that kind of...
00:18:07.000 Where they can kind of...
00:18:08.000 You know, play around a little more than normal.
00:18:11.000 Where instead of going like on tour, they...
00:18:14.000 I mean, did you see them in like a huge setting?
00:18:16.000 No, no, no.
00:18:16.000 It was a really intimate environment.
00:18:18.000 It was really intimate.
00:18:19.000 It's probably like their open mics, you know?
00:18:20.000 Yeah.
00:18:21.000 Well, for sure.
00:18:22.000 I don't think it was an open...
00:18:23.000 I mean, everyone was there to see them.
00:18:24.000 Right.
00:18:25.000 But it was like some free show that they were doing and they had to do it under an assumed name.
00:18:30.000 Oh, really?
00:18:30.000 Yeah, kind of funky.
00:18:31.000 It was like, I don't know, they have some things coming up so they can't promote it.
00:18:36.000 You know, like, what is that thing up in India?
00:18:39.000 Coachella?
00:18:39.000 Oh, yeah.
00:18:40.000 They're on that.
00:18:41.000 Were you supposed to say that?
00:18:43.000 No, I forgot.
00:18:44.000 Was I not supposed to say it?
00:18:46.000 Yeah, they haven't announced it yet.
00:18:48.000 What are you talking about?
00:18:49.000 It's online.
00:18:49.000 Just kidding.
00:18:50.000 Fuck you. 1.00
00:18:51.000 How dare you. 1.00
00:18:53.000 No one would care anyway.
00:18:55.000 I just got the scoop.
00:18:57.000 Why is it bad to know about something early? 0.99
00:19:00.000 Holy shit, it got out. 0.97
00:19:02.000 The good information got out early. 0.94
00:19:04.000 Especially in the case of something like that.
00:19:06.000 Insider trading, probably.
00:19:08.000 But there were some songs where no one talked at all. 0.98
00:19:12.000 And it was fucking incredible. 0.95
00:19:14.000 It was amazing. 0.99
00:19:15.000 Live music is so different than live comedy.
00:19:17.000 It's so inspirational.
00:19:19.000 It's so inspirational to go and see something that someone's doing that's completely different than anything that you do.
00:19:23.000 But it's still performing. 0.97
00:19:25.000 I really enjoy the shit out of it. 0.95
00:19:27.000 I don't get a chance to do it. 1.00
00:19:29.000 Fuck that. 1.00
00:19:30.000 Start doing guitar lessons. 1.00
00:19:31.000 I have no time.
00:19:32.000 Come on.
00:19:32.000 I have no time.
00:19:33.000 Stop jiu-jitsu and start doing guitar and then you don't have to leave your family so much.
00:19:36.000 You just want nobody to do jiu-jitsu.
00:19:38.000 You want a world where no one can protect themselves.
00:19:41.000 Everyone's a big ball of jello.
00:19:43.000 I know someday it will happen that you'll be like, Brian, I'm not doing jiu-jitsu anymore.
00:19:48.000 We waddle through life with nary a setback.
00:19:50.000 Why would I stop doing jiu-jitsu?
00:19:52.000 Because you'll throw your hip out because you're 80 or something and be like, Brian, I've got to stop this jiu-jitsu.
00:19:59.000 Well, when that happens, I'll definitely stop.
00:20:01.000 So what would you say I would do?
00:20:03.000 What am I supposed to do after that?
00:20:05.000 I don't remember.
00:20:05.000 I got too stoned, dude.
00:20:07.000 Before he even got here, he was like, let's smoke.
00:20:09.000 And so we've been smoking, and now I'm pretty much gone.
00:20:12.000 Yeah, be real from Cypress Hill.
00:20:15.000 Just smoke pot with us.
00:20:16.000 I want to get him and Doug Benson together and just see how that podcast goes.
00:20:22.000 He seems to handle it really well.
00:20:24.000 Be real, dude.
00:20:25.000 He never fades or gets weird.
00:20:30.000 He's a really nice guy, man.
00:20:31.000 Always been a really nice guy.
00:20:33.000 Just always has a good vibe around him.
00:20:34.000 It's like that he couldn't stay longer because I wanted to know.
00:20:37.000 I heard there was some weird stuff with him in Everlast at one point.
00:20:40.000 Oh, really?
00:20:41.000 The ones there?
00:20:42.000 Oh, don't go TMZing.
00:20:43.000 No, no.
00:20:43.000 I think they're friends now.
00:20:45.000 I think this is like old, long time ago.
00:20:46.000 Yeah, well then don't bring it up.
00:20:48.000 Let people find out about it online.
00:20:49.000 You know, who knows?
00:20:50.000 Why leave something, you know? 0.99
00:20:52.000 People still send me negative Mencia shit. 0.99
00:20:55.000 Dice got mad. 0.99
00:20:55.000 Dice sent me a text. 0.99
00:20:57.000 Want to read Dice's text?
00:20:58.000 Yeah.
00:20:59.000 What happened there?
00:21:00.000 I'll tell you right now.
00:21:01.000 He's not mad at me.
00:21:03.000 I love Dice. 0.99
00:21:04.000 Dice is one of those guys, I don't care how crazy you say Dice is, you know, I don't care how much people say like, oh, you know, sometimes he's a jerk, he won't take pictures. 0.97
00:21:16.000 Listen, in my book, there's only a few comedy deities. 0.98
00:21:19.000 There's only a few of them.
00:21:20.000 George Carlin's not around, but Dice still is.
00:21:23.000 And it sounds ridiculous, but when I was a kid, man, when Dice Clay first started blowing up, Dice Clay to me was like, you know, I mean, So, Those first ones, I listened to them on cassette. 0.98
00:21:46.000 God damn, they were good. 0.96
00:21:48.000 They were hilarious. 1.00
00:21:49.000 You would stop your car parked and everyone in the car would be fucking howling listening to the cassette. 0.96
00:21:54.000 So this is what he says. 0.99
00:21:57.000 This is the first fucking text Dice has ever sent me. 1.00
00:22:03.000 So, cocksucker Mencia. 1.00
00:22:05.000 Now steals Titus for his specials. 0.99
00:22:07.000 Carlos rules.
00:22:11.000 He has to pay.
00:22:13.000 And trust me, he will.
00:22:15.000 By the way, this is Dice.
00:22:17.000 Hope you're doing good.
00:22:20.000 That's the text.
00:22:21.000 That's awesome. 0.98
00:22:22.000 To me, to get a text like that from Dice Clay, that is a fucking honor. 0.97
00:22:25.000 That, to me, is an honor. 0.97
00:22:27.000 That's awesome.
00:22:28.000 The first text I ever got from Dice Clay.
00:22:31.000 That's really cool.
00:22:31.000 You should print it out.
00:22:34.000 I love that guy. 0.99
00:22:35.000 When I was a kid, man, I fucking thought that was the funniest shit I had ever heard in my life. 0.98
00:22:40.000 And I told you, when we talked about it with... 0.99
00:22:42.000 Who was on?
00:22:46.000 Which show was it on when we talked about the Dice thing?
00:22:48.000 Oh, Amy Schumer.
00:22:50.000 Amy Schumer, yes.
00:22:50.000 It was, right?
00:22:51.000 Yeah.
00:22:51.000 For sure.
00:22:52.000 She's a fan.
00:22:52.000 Of course.
00:22:53.000 She was so cool, dude. 0.90
00:22:53.000 That was one of my favorite podcasts. 0.90
00:22:54.000 She was amazing.
00:22:55.000 And Amy Schumer, we were talking about The Day the Laughter Died.
00:22:58.000 Well, apparently a lot of people started buying it after we said it. 0.95
00:23:00.000 I got so many tweets saying how fucking funny he is. 0.99
00:23:03.000 If you're like a real comedy fan and you want to see a guy, go up and do two hours of just fucking around. 0.99
00:23:08.000 I'm not trying to make any money off The Day the Laughter Died, but it's a goddamn work of art. 0.98
00:23:12.000 Just buy it through Doug.com now. 0.98
00:23:14.000 Jesus, Brian!
00:23:16.000 Jesus, Brian!
00:23:17.000 Did your email inform you when you got back that you had been making emails from Japan?
00:23:22.000 No.
00:23:23.000 What are you talking about? 1.00
00:23:26.000 I have some sophistication set up behind my email so that it lets me know if somebody hacks into my shit. 0.99
00:23:33.000 Oh, so it was just trying to pre-warn you? 1.00
00:23:35.000 It's like, listen, man, someone's tapped into your shit in Japan. 1.00
00:23:39.000 Boom, da-da! 0.99
00:23:40.000 I was really off the grid in Japan because I was so scared that, like, that text that you got on your phone that says, like, you know, one megabyte of data is $24.95.
00:23:48.000 I'm like, oh, nope, no data.
00:23:49.000 Turn off data.
00:23:50.000 You know, I didn't want to use my phone at all.
00:23:52.000 I was scared with text messages.
00:23:53.000 It's funny how they can do that. 0.53
00:23:55.000 Just charge you a fuckload as if, like, what you're doing over there is more expensive. 1.00
00:23:58.000 Yeah, it's all the same fucking network. 1.00
00:24:00.000 Don't be a cunt. 1.00
00:24:01.000 Just process it. 1.00
00:24:02.000 Can you guys just agree that...
00:24:04.000 Put it in the computer.
00:24:05.000 Yeah.
00:24:05.000 Yeah, can you agree that, oh, well, someone comes over and uses our stuff, what's your rate?
00:24:09.000 Okay, we'll accept your rate, and you just pay what their normal rate is. 0.99
00:24:12.000 Not this wacky $5 a fucking megabyte bullshit. 0.99
00:24:15.000 Like, what is that? 1.00
00:24:16.000 Where are you coming up with that?
00:24:17.000 Nobody's paying that much.
00:24:18.000 Switch to an email-based system where you don't have phone numbers anymore, you just have emails.
00:24:22.000 You know, like, I want to call your email.
00:24:24.000 You know what I mean?
00:24:25.000 Like, when we go overseas, it's zero zeros or country code, 874. That's not the issue.
00:24:31.000 The issue is you need a new service provider everywhere you tap in.
00:24:34.000 Yeah, it shouldn't be like that.
00:24:35.000 That's the issue.
00:24:36.000 So what you're saying is that it should be one universal service provider for the whole world, and that's how we talk to each other like an email.
00:24:43.000 Skype is Skype.
00:24:44.000 Right.
00:24:45.000 Yeah.
00:24:45.000 Gmail chat.
00:24:46.000 I guess, but even then, somebody has to provide the backbone for the internet, right?
00:24:49.000 Yeah.
00:24:50.000 Yeah, but it's already done.
00:24:52.000 There's already the internet.
00:24:54.000 Yeah, but to be able to...
00:24:55.000 I mean, what you're saying is you want the phone to be like that.
00:24:58.000 It should be based on Wi-Fi.
00:24:59.000 So you're saying it should go through...
00:25:01.000 So the internet should be everywhere and it shouldn't be cellular signals anymore?
00:25:04.000 I don't know what I'm saying anymore, John.
00:25:06.000 Brian, you're too high to be...
00:25:07.000 No, I think...
00:25:07.000 You know what I think?
00:25:08.000 I think the government should have Wi-Fi towers and the whole telephone system and everything like that should be based off like a government-based...
00:25:17.000 There shouldn't be AT&T. There shouldn't be these cell phone servers.
00:25:22.000 It should just be all...
00:25:23.000 Never mind.
00:25:24.000 I don't know what I'm digging myself into.
00:25:25.000 I know what you're saying.
00:25:26.000 I know what you're saying.
00:25:26.000 You're saying communication should all be really simple.
00:25:29.000 Yeah, it shouldn't have country codes.
00:25:31.000 It shouldn't cost $24 if I'm on one side of this piece of water and then on the other side.
00:25:36.000 Yeah, the problem is you have to have local people have to profit.
00:25:40.000 From the infrastructure, you know, that's set up, right?
00:25:43.000 So the people that have created it in Japan or, you know, whoever owns wherever you're at, whoever owns the towers that display or that send out the information that you're riding on, that you're roaming on, whoever built that shit and made investments, I can understand why they would want a service fee.
00:26:00.000 Right.
00:26:00.000 I can understand.
00:26:01.000 Like, if you want to come over here and use our internet, you can use it at our rate, plus you have to pay $25.
00:26:07.000 You know, like a 24-hour user's fee.
00:26:09.000 Yeah, but it was so ridiculous.
00:26:11.000 One megabyte is $24.95.
00:26:13.000 It is, but I mean, if you let people pay at a reasonable rate and then have that same exchange going on with their company so that if someone was over in America and you're from overseas, you know, you can use AT&T and it won't, you know, be any more ridiculous for you, too.
00:26:27.000 Yeah, but it shouldn't be like I accidentally sent you a photo by text message and it cost $250.
00:26:33.000 Yeah.
00:26:33.000 And then, you know, somebody sent me back one and it cost $125 and I couldn't say stop.
00:26:38.000 Right.
00:26:38.000 Don't want to have image automatically download.
00:26:40.000 Is that possible that it would cost that much money though?
00:26:42.000 Well, $24.95 a megabyte, a photo is like, what?
00:26:48.000 $25.
00:26:48.000 3 megabytes on an iPhone?
00:26:50.000 Something like that?
00:26:50.000 It's like one of those droid phones with the crazy cameras.
00:26:53.000 Yeah, it's something like that.
00:26:54.000 They have some like 8 and 10 megapixel camera phones, don't they?
00:26:57.000 Yeah, definitely.
00:26:57.000 That's amazing.
00:26:59.000 That's fucking amazing. 0.98
00:27:00.000 iPad 3, March 7th. 0.99
00:27:02.000 I'm not ready.
00:27:03.000 I didn't even use the iPad 2. I still have the iPad 1. I like the Kindle.
00:27:07.000 You know, I like laptops or a Kindle.
00:27:10.000 You know what I like about the Kindle, man?
00:27:11.000 I like the way the paper looks.
00:27:13.000 I don't like the way it's not glossy.
00:27:14.000 It looks like paper. 0.86
00:27:15.000 It's like that technology, I think, is really pretty fucking badass.
00:27:19.000 I don't use the iPad for anything else. 0.77
00:27:21.000 Maybe watching TV shows is good for that.
00:27:23.000 It's good for when you're getting tattooed and you watch TV shows while you're sitting there.
00:27:28.000 It helps the time go by when someone's drilling in your arm.
00:27:31.000 I like surfing the net on it.
00:27:33.000 I think it's good to surf it.
00:27:34.000 Do you find that there's...
00:27:35.000 How many websites do you come across that are flash supported that you can't actually...
00:27:38.000 Oh, nowadays everything's iPad friendly.
00:27:40.000 Yeah.
00:27:40.000 I never run into any problems with it.
00:27:43.000 Old comedians, I bet.
00:27:44.000 A lot of flash sites.
00:27:45.000 Yeah.
00:27:46.000 That's a good thing. 0.99
00:27:47.000 My shit was always Flash-based. 0.99
00:27:49.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:27:49.000 I didn't know that Flash was that wonky. 1.00
00:27:51.000 Yeah, it's always been kind of wonky.
00:27:53.000 I mean, that's the problem.
00:27:54.000 Can they recover?
00:27:55.000 That's the problem with websites. 0.81
00:27:57.000 I use WordPress for most of my shit nowadays because the reason being is... 0.61
00:28:03.000 It just got to a point where Chrome would work a certain way with HTML and another browser would work a different way. 0.85
00:28:09.000 So you'd make a website for somebody.
00:28:11.000 And then different operating systems, you'd log on to Windows and then compare it to Mac.
00:28:17.000 It's not the same. 1.00
00:28:18.000 Shit's all fucked up on the Mac version. 0.99
00:28:20.000 So then you have to find out how to fix that. 0.99
00:28:22.000 And there's just too many browsers, too many operating systems.
00:28:25.000 There's too many mobile devices that go on the internet nowadays.
00:28:27.000 It seems like they've almost...
00:28:29.000 Nowadays, you just want the most simplest thing, like a WordPress or a blog, or even have it be something else like a Tumblr.
00:28:35.000 You just have your.com linked to a Tumblr nowadays.
00:28:38.000 It's just to make it easy. 0.99
00:28:40.000 Let somebody else deal with all that fucking cross-platform bullshit of design and stuff. 0.98
00:28:45.000 The idea is just to get your message out to people. 0.99
00:28:49.000 So you should have redband.com go to a Tumblr site?
00:28:52.000 That's what I'm almost thinking nowadays.
00:28:53.000 Is Tumblr really that popular?
00:28:55.000 Is that the new thing?
00:28:56.000 Am I missing out?
00:28:57.000 Yeah, Tumblr probably could be the next Twitter thing.
00:29:01.000 Am I missing out?
00:29:01.000 Yeah, you should.
00:29:03.000 You should definitely get a Tumblr.
00:29:04.000 And nowadays, your Tumblr just links to Twitter.
00:29:07.000 Sorry.
00:29:08.000 I used to write blog entries.
00:29:10.000 If I was going to redo them, I should write them on Twitter or write them on Tumblr or something like that.
00:29:15.000 That's what I think nowadays.
00:29:17.000 I just spent a bunch of money for this WordPress stuff for Death Squad.
00:29:22.000 It's still buggy. 0.99
00:29:24.000 It's fucked up. 0.87
00:29:25.000 I tried it in a different browser and it was a little bit off than I wanted. 1.00
00:29:30.000 I'm like, "This is stupid. 0.97
00:29:33.000 Why do I go to a livejournal.com or Facebook?" It pretty much works exactly the same. 0.99
00:29:39.000 I like what you're thinking. 0.59
00:29:41.000 As long as it was set up somewhere where it's preserved in case Tumblr gets hit with some crazy virus or some bullshit, you lose all your stuff.
00:29:50.000 They're all backed up so well nowadays.
00:29:52.000 Are they?
00:29:53.000 Yeah, because it's almost like a reliability that they have to.
00:29:55.000 But is it possible that you could have it like that, where you would have your site update?
00:30:00.000 When you update your site, it updates your Tumblr as well?
00:30:02.000 Yeah.
00:30:04.000 So that you could store it?
00:30:05.000 Yeah, I think linking it to your Twitter, linking it to your Facebook.
00:30:09.000 Make it so you just do it one, but it does separate, branch off to all the different...
00:30:13.000 What if, when you go to my site, there's two options.
00:30:17.000 One branches you off to the Tumblr, the other branches you off to podcasts.
00:30:21.000 No, you can do that.
00:30:22.000 That might not be a bad idea.
00:30:24.000 No, no, you can do that.
00:30:25.000 All you want your website to be is pretty much a bookmark with all your different links.
00:30:30.000 Like, here's your Twitter, here's your Tumblr, here's your...
00:30:32.000 Yeah.
00:30:32.000 But have it all be like...
00:30:35.000 I definitely think that I could do something cool with my website.
00:30:38.000 I need to make it easier to find my old writing.
00:30:41.000 I've got to figure out a better system.
00:30:43.000 You know what you need to do? 0.99
00:30:43.000 You need to hire somebody to take all that shit and go to a Tumblr and reblog it for you. 0.99
00:30:50.000 I mean, it's super time consuming. 0.99
00:30:53.000 But is it Tumblr?
00:30:53.000 Is it really that superior?
00:30:55.000 Is it really that good to do?
00:30:57.000 Yeah, but you could cut and paste that into four different things.
00:31:00.000 You can paste it onto your Facebook page.
00:31:03.000 You can put it on your Tumblr.
00:31:05.000 But is the Tumblr idea the idea that in doing it like that, where you do it into some big public platform like some MySpace type thing, that you're just going to get a lot more eyes on it?
00:31:15.000 Yeah, more community.
00:31:16.000 Definitely. 0.99
00:31:16.000 More community and the other option is that it keeps you from having to worry about bullshit. 0.99
00:31:21.000 Yeah, exactly. 0.89
00:31:22.000 How sites are.
00:31:23.000 How sites are.
00:31:23.000 Yeah, because I have sites I go to in Safari and then I go to them in Chrome.
00:31:27.000 They're totally different. 0.97
00:31:28.000 Yeah, it's just a pain in the ass to maintain that. 0.92
00:31:31.000 Especially if it has like little frames. 0.97
00:31:32.000 Yeah.
00:31:33.000 You have to move the frames around.
00:31:34.000 A lot of people spend a lot of money on web designers.
00:31:37.000 They design an awesome website.
00:31:39.000 A year later, there's a new update in Flash.
00:31:41.000 There's a new update in something that throws off the coding a little bit.
00:31:45.000 So you have to have somebody maintain it all the time. 0.99
00:31:47.000 It's a pain in the ass. 0.99
00:31:48.000 Let somebody else do that. 0.99
00:31:50.000 If it's about getting a blog out, why not have a community of people?
00:31:55.000 That's smart, but I just don't trust it.
00:31:57.000 Someone's going to hack it and sell iPads from it.
00:32:00.000 They can already do that.
00:32:01.000 Somebody got hacked.
00:32:02.000 Oh, Mike Goldberg got hacked. 1.00
00:32:04.000 Somebody hacked into his shit and was trying to sell something. 0.99
00:32:07.000 You said hacked, right? 1.00
00:32:08.000 Hacked.
00:32:08.000 His Twitter got hacked.
00:32:09.000 Mine got hacked, too.
00:32:11.000 Yeah, Mike got hacked twice in a row or something like that on Twitter.
00:32:14.000 Did he really?
00:32:15.000 No.
00:32:15.000 That's funny.
00:32:16.000 Poor guy.
00:32:17.000 He gets hacked by his daughter.
00:32:18.000 Goldberg's daughter goes and takes his tweets down.
00:32:21.000 Really?
00:32:22.000 Yeah.
00:32:22.000 That's hilarious.
00:32:23.000 He gets mad at people, man.
00:32:24.000 I told them, don't get mad.
00:32:25.000 They're just hating.
00:32:27.000 He'll get out there and fight with them. 0.99
00:32:28.000 You know, Mike Goldberg doesn't want to take any bullshit from people. 0.99
00:32:31.000 He'll get mad. 0.99
00:32:32.000 Maybe he's got a cocktail in him. 1.00
00:32:34.000 You sons of bitches. 1.00
00:32:35.000 I've already had a lot with Mike Goldberg over the weekend. 1.00
00:32:37.000 He's a good dude.
00:32:38.000 He is a good guy.
00:32:39.000 He's a very good dude. 0.98
00:32:42.000 You know, Mike Goldberg's been around sports his whole fucking life. 0.97
00:32:45.000 He's always been around savages his whole life. 0.99
00:32:47.000 He's been around hockey players and animals.
00:32:50.000 He's just a fun guy.
00:32:51.000 He's a fun guy to be around. 0.97
00:32:55.000 Japan was a fucking great time, man. 0.96
00:32:58.000 That was a really interesting culture. 0.99
00:33:00.000 You know what I'm getting sick of, man?
00:33:01.000 How come I can't enjoy something?
00:33:03.000 We were talking about how Brazil was beautiful and amazing, talking about how much I enjoyed Japan. 0.98
00:33:07.000 I get these fucking emails from people who go, yeah, you like it so much, why don't you fucking move there? 0.99
00:33:12.000 I would move there. 1.00
00:33:13.000 Not email.
00:33:14.000 Excuse me.
00:33:14.000 Twitter messages.
00:33:15.000 I've gotten only Twitter messages. 0.91
00:33:17.000 It's so silly. 0.62
00:33:18.000 How come you can't just enjoy certain aspects of another country? 0.94
00:33:22.000 I'm not saying that Japan is better than America.
00:33:24.000 I definitely enjoy America more than Japan.
00:33:27.000 There's some things about Japan I didn't like.
00:33:29.000 What didn't you like?
00:33:30.000 I didn't like the fact that I had to cover up my tattoos when I went places.
00:33:32.000 Oh, really?
00:33:33.000 Yeah.
00:33:33.000 When I went to the gym, they made me cover up my tattoos.
00:33:35.000 Oh, that's right.
00:33:35.000 They actually gave me a shirt to wear.
00:33:37.000 Why is that?
00:33:38.000 A long sleeve shirt.
00:33:38.000 Because they have a Yakuza thing.
00:33:40.000 Jeff Curran, one of the guys who fights for the UFC, said he was on Twitter.
00:33:44.000 He said he was doing squats and a lady came over and started taping up a tattoo on his leg in the middle of his squatting. 0.70
00:33:51.000 She's like wrapping his tattoo up while he's squatting.
00:33:54.000 What was the reason?
00:33:56.000 Dragons are going to come out of it? 0.83
00:33:58.000 No, no.
00:33:59.000 It's Yakuza. 1.00
00:34:00.000 It's gang type shit. 1.00
00:34:01.000 They're worried about organized crime. 1.00
00:34:03.000 They're worried about the perceptions.
00:34:04.000 In their culture, tattoos have a very different feeling than they do in this culture.
00:34:10.000 In their culture, if you have tattoos all over your body, it's very possible you're connected to the Yakuza. 0.97
00:34:18.000 That's the initial...
00:34:19.000 Originally, the guys who wore the bodysuits, those were the Japanese gangsters. 0.99
00:34:24.000 So there's no tattoo powers in Japan, right?
00:34:27.000 Oh, there's definitely tattoo powers.
00:34:28.000 And it's not all of them because there's some of them that are, you know, obviously there's some of them that are artists and some of them that are just young people like tattoos.
00:34:35.000 A lot of Japanese fighters have tattoos.
00:34:37.000 Kid Yamamoto has crazy tattoos all over the place.
00:34:40.000 I mean, there's people that fight that social restriction, but you're not allowed to go into public swimming pools.
00:34:45.000 If there's a swimming pool at the hotel, they won't let you get in the water.
00:34:48.000 If you have tattoos, you have to leave.
00:34:51.000 If you want to go in the gym, you have to wear a long-sleeved shirt.
00:34:54.000 That's just how they are.
00:34:55.000 I mean, I guess in their culture it just means something different.
00:34:58.000 It means, you know, it's like people don't want to feel uncomfortable.
00:35:00.000 They don't want to go somewhere and have someone, you know, and I kind of see their point.
00:35:04.000 You know, you don't know.
00:35:05.000 You see someone all tattooed up and that looks kind of creepy.
00:35:08.000 You know, you're there with your kids or something.
00:35:09.000 What if this person's like an aggressive, angry person?
00:35:12.000 You know, that seems like a weird message to send.
00:35:15.000 You know, that's their perception.
00:35:16.000 I totally understand it. 0.66
00:35:17.000 They're so fucking nice there, it doesn't even bother you.
00:35:21.000 I mean, you know, she's like, thank you for understanding. 0.81
00:35:24.000 Thank you for understanding.
00:35:25.000 Wow.
00:35:26.000 Yeah.
00:35:27.000 She was very nice about it.
00:35:28.000 She wasn't judgmental. 0.68
00:35:29.000 If that had happened, like, in some place, you know, some fucking weird place, you know, if you were in, like, if you had, like, some... 0.91
00:35:37.000 Camel-type place. 1.00
00:35:37.000 Yeah, if you had, like, Satan tattooed on your arm. 1.00
00:35:40.000 Right.
00:35:41.000 You know, you went to Kentucky and tried to use the gym.
00:35:43.000 Excuse me.
00:35:43.000 We don't allow Satan to work out in this gym.
00:35:47.000 So if you want to come in here and threaten all these people with your Satan tattoo, I could see that happening.
00:35:53.000 They would just kick you out and yell at you.
00:35:55.000 But this lady was so nice. 1.00
00:35:56.000 Sorry, we have to cover tattoos.
00:35:59.000 It's okay.
00:36:00.000 We have a shirt for you.
00:36:02.000 I go, you have a shirt for me?
00:36:03.000 Yeah, we will get that shirt for you.
00:36:05.000 I go, well, I could just go back up to my room and put a shirt on, put a long sleeve shirt on.
00:36:09.000 She goes, no, no, what size?
00:36:10.000 And I said, a large, extra large, whatever you got.
00:36:13.000 She comes back with a large.
00:36:14.000 I put it on.
00:36:15.000 I put it on right there before I go in.
00:36:17.000 Wow.
00:36:18.000 I cover up.
00:36:19.000 That's great.
00:36:19.000 I'm glad I didn't bust out my waterfall tattoo.
00:36:21.000 Yeah, I was like, what the fuck, man? 0.99
00:36:23.000 This is weird. 0.99
00:36:24.000 You know?
00:36:24.000 It was really weird.
00:36:25.000 Huh.
00:36:26.000 Yeah.
00:36:28.000 But that's their culture.
00:36:30.000 You know?
00:36:31.000 You know what was also weird?
00:36:32.000 Like, I went to a couple of the nightclubs.
00:36:35.000 And, like, when the Russians walked in, the Russian women... 1.00
00:36:39.000 Russian women were really popular in Japan.
00:36:42.000 And so these really beautiful, like in a runway kind of beautiful way, like they're slightly weird looking, but you can tell that they're models.
00:36:49.000 But they would walk in and immediately this weird energy, like they were up to something or they just seemed evil.
00:36:56.000 Well, it's funny.
00:36:57.000 The Japanese, the Russians have always had some sort of a connection in Japan with mixed martial arts.
00:37:02.000 Because the Japanese always, you know, like when they ran Pride, they always had like badass Russian guys.
00:37:08.000 Like Igor of Chanshin came down, and of course Fedor came down, Fedor's brother.
00:37:13.000 You know, there's a bunch of different guys, like badass dudes that came from Russia.
00:37:17.000 It's really funny that like connection of Russia and Japan, you know, in mixed martial arts.
00:37:23.000 So when you're out in a club and in the model world, the connection between Japan and Russia must be pretty intense as well.
00:37:30.000 Yeah.
00:37:31.000 Those girls are everywhere, right? 1.00
00:37:33.000 That's what they like, right?
00:37:34.000 Yeah, and they seem like I asked a lot about them because every time they would walk in, I would get the same vibe every time I saw them.
00:37:42.000 And I guess they come out feeling like they're going to be the next best thing because they come out there to actually be legit models, but then they slowly turn into like...
00:37:51.000 Hookers and stuff like that. 1.00
00:37:53.000 Allegedly.
00:37:54.000 Allegedly.
00:37:54.000 But the first batch of them is what you would always see out at the clubs.
00:37:59.000 And it was just weird because I don't know why I think that.
00:38:02.000 I'm just very intimidated by it.
00:38:03.000 Russian women kind of freak me out. 1.00
00:38:05.000 They're very beautiful and they have this weird look or vibe to them.
00:38:09.000 This There's some of them that are very nice.
00:38:11.000 Oh, yeah.
00:38:11.000 Totally.
00:38:13.000 Obviously, there's some of them that are very nice, but there's a lot of people in Russia that lived a hard life.
00:38:17.000 Right. 0.92
00:38:18.000 And people that lived a hard life, girls that have seen some shit that maybe you haven't seen, and maybe their perceptions of death and life and crimes and what you've got to do to get by, maybe it's different than yours, and maybe they happen to be beautiful as well. 0.89
00:38:29.000 I think it's the beautiful thing. 0.85
00:38:30.000 Yeah, they're beautiful and they grew up in a place, you know, who knows? 0.97
00:38:34.000 I mean, but if a girl's, you know, essentially a sex worker, most likely, yeah, most likely she did grow up in some really fucked up place, you know? 0.81
00:38:40.000 I mean, a lot of these girls that do become like escorts, you know, I mean, think about that. 0.96
00:38:45.000 Would you imagine if that could, you know, imagine if that was your daughter?
00:38:48.000 Imagine if that was your child that grew to become some woman who would fly around the world and... 1.00
00:38:55.000 Yeah.
00:38:55.000 It was also weird when you're walking down this one street.
00:38:59.000 I got lost in Japan a lot, by the way, because you had to do a lot of work or you wanted to work out and stuff.
00:39:04.000 I would take weird walks because it felt so safe to walk there at night.
00:39:08.000 And one time I walked four hours the wrong direction and I was completely lost. 1.00
00:39:13.000 Yeah, you went fucking nutty one night, man. 1.00
00:39:15.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:39:16.000 I did.
00:39:17.000 You know, my thought is always when I come to a place like, I better be...
00:39:21.000 I like watching the fights better. 0.98
00:39:23.000 I feel like I'm more focused when I get some fucking sleep. 0.99
00:39:26.000 Right. 0.99
00:39:27.000 So I forced myself to get some sleep.
00:39:28.000 Yeah.
00:39:29.000 And you were like, well, I'm in Japan.
00:39:30.000 I got to make this happen.
00:39:31.000 Yeah.
00:39:32.000 And it was weird because every three blocks...
00:39:35.000 This one street was just awesome.
00:39:37.000 I think it was the Red Light District or something.
00:39:39.000 And every three steps I would take, somebody grabbed me and was like, You want massage?
00:39:43.000 Huh?
00:39:43.000 Massage?
00:39:44.000 Massage?
00:39:44.000 And so I finally went with one of them.
00:39:47.000 I was like, you know what?
00:39:48.000 I like massages.
00:39:49.000 And what she's saying to me, converting in my head, was like $40 or something like that.
00:39:54.000 So I was like, I'll take you up on it because you're just a really hot Asian woman. 1.00
00:39:59.000 And so we go up to this weird room.
00:40:02.000 It was super weird with this curtain.
00:40:04.000 And then she leaves the room and this older Asian woman comes out. 1.00
00:40:08.000 And then I got a massage from a really scary Asian woman. 1.00
00:40:11.000 And then at the end, it's the first time this ever happened.
00:40:13.000 And she goes, oh, you want a happy ending?
00:40:15.000 And I'm like, no, no, no, no, that's okay.
00:40:17.000 And I had to talk myself out of not getting a happy ending because it was that.
00:40:21.000 I mean, you would think like, yeah, why not?
00:40:23.000 No one's going to know.
00:40:24.000 But it was that creepy of an Asian old woman. 1.00
00:40:26.000 So you just admitted that you would be down for a happy ending under the right circumstances.
00:40:30.000 No, no, no, no.
00:40:31.000 I think that's what you just did.
00:40:32.000 Son, you gotta be more careful with your words.
00:40:34.000 No, no, no.
00:40:34.000 I would never say that.
00:40:35.000 Of course you wouldn't. 1.00
00:40:36.000 Why would you want a massage on your dick? 1.00
00:40:38.000 Because it's not appropriate. 1.00
00:40:39.000 Our society does not condone it or allow it, Brian.
00:40:41.000 You can get a massage on your neck.
00:40:43.000 You can get your nose played with.
00:40:45.000 It's totally legal.
00:40:46.000 You're right. 0.94
00:40:47.000 There's something really gay about that. 0.95
00:40:49.000 Imagine if there was a guy and that's what he would do. 0.99
00:40:51.000 He'd just rub and kiss your nose.
00:40:53.000 That was his business.
00:40:56.000 Some people do neck massages.
00:40:58.000 Some people are into re-phychology.
00:41:00.000 What is that reflexology when they play with your feet?
00:41:02.000 Yeah.
00:41:02.000 It's not real, is it?
00:41:03.000 Is that real?
00:41:04.000 I think there's something to it.
00:41:05.000 When they have the broken down meridians of the foot, is it real?
00:41:07.000 I think that's real.
00:41:08.000 Okay.
00:41:09.000 I don't know, though, but I would say...
00:41:10.000 Because, I mean, when they play with certain parts of your face, you know, that's different pressures of your face.
00:41:18.000 You can feel it, especially when it's around the third eye.
00:41:20.000 You ever feel that?
00:41:22.000 When they play with your face?
00:41:23.000 Yeah, where they take hot oil on your third eye right here in the middle, and they just kind of slowly rub it.
00:41:29.000 You can feel the release of some kind of tension in your head.
00:41:33.000 Hmm. 0.99
00:41:34.000 What the fuck do you think that is, Brian? 0.99
00:41:36.000 I don't know what you're talking about. 1.00
00:41:38.000 Massage is nice. 1.00
00:41:39.000 Massage on your dick, just as nice. 1.00
00:41:40.000 It's really that simple. 1.00
00:41:42.000 No one wants to look at it that way, because you don't want your wife going to some place and getting fingered.
00:41:46.000 It was also weird seeing the Africans in Japan because they would be like the people that would work the streets. 1.00
00:41:52.000 Did you know, I wanted to say this before I forget, because we're talking about going to doctors and getting fingered.
00:41:57.000 Right.
00:41:57.000 You know, that is what women used to do.
00:41:59.000 What?
00:41:59.000 Yes.
00:42:00.000 The idea of women being hysterical. 1.00
00:42:04.000 Hysterical is connected to like hysterectomy. 1.00
00:42:06.000 It's connected to losing your fucking mind because you're not coming. 0.99
00:42:11.000 A lot of women would go to doctors, this is a long time ago, and the doctor would actually manipulate them to orgasm. 1.00
00:42:18.000 Yes, it was a common thing.
00:42:20.000 Common thing.
00:42:21.000 They don't do it anymore?
00:42:21.000 Nope, they don't do it anymore.
00:42:23.000 But men would see these oppressed, fucked up sexual women and the thing to do scientifically was to stimulate them to orgasm. 1.00
00:42:32.000 That's hilarious. 1.00
00:42:33.000 When did that stop?
00:42:34.000 I don't know.
00:42:34.000 I don't know any of the history on it.
00:42:36.000 I should probably Google it while we're sitting here talking.
00:42:39.000 I should substantiate it because I'm pretty sure it's true.
00:42:43.000 Who was the cock blocker on that? 0.92
00:42:44.000 I don't know. 1.00
00:42:45.000 Probably some religious guy that wanted to fuck men. 1.00
00:42:48.000 It was weird. 1.00
00:42:49.000 The Africans in Japan were the guys that were supposed to be the ass kissers. 1.00
00:42:53.000 They'd come up like, hey man, come on. 1.00
00:42:55.000 Come in this bar, man.
00:42:56.000 Come on.
00:42:56.000 You can do it.
00:42:57.000 Come on.
00:42:57.000 You want some weed?
00:42:58.000 And somebody did offer me weed, which I guess is super crazy illegal in Japan.
00:43:02.000 So I was like, no.
00:43:03.000 As much as I want to smoke, I don't feel like I'm going to jail for a year.
00:43:06.000 I guess it was like the minimum of getting weed in Japan.
00:43:10.000 Is it really that much?
00:43:11.000 Yeah, something like that he was saying.
00:43:13.000 This other guy was saying.
00:43:14.000 Yeah, there's a whole book on this subject.
00:43:16.000 The Technology of Orgasm, Hysteria, the Vibrator, and Women's Sexual Satisfaction. 0.87
00:43:21.000 It's a John Hopkins study in the history of technology.
00:43:25.000 Yeah.
00:43:25.000 Pretty crazy, man.
00:43:27.000 So listen to this.
00:43:28.000 From a time of Hippocrates since the 1920s, massaging female patients to orgasm was a staple of medical practice amongst Western physicians in the treatment of hysteria, an ailment once considered both common and chronic in women.
00:43:42.000 Doctors loathe this time-consuming procedure for centuries and...
00:43:48.000 What?
00:43:49.000 Doctors loathed this time-consuming procedure and for centuries relied on midwives.
00:43:54.000 And later they substituted the efficacy of mechanical devices, including the electric vibrator invented in the 1880s and the technology of orgasm.
00:44:03.000 Ralph Maines offers readers a stimulating, surprising, and often humorous account of this hysteria and its treatment throughout the ages.
00:44:10.000 So this has been like, that's like a standard treatment for a long time.
00:44:14.000 They just stopped doing it.
00:44:15.000 Well, it makes sense, man. 0.99
00:44:16.000 Just like it makes sense that men need to get jerked off. 0.99
00:44:19.000 Ideally, you would want your husband to do it. 0.99
00:44:22.000 Ideally, you'd want your boyfriend, your lover, whatever. 0.75
00:44:24.000 You would want the person that you engage in sex with to get you off. 1.00
00:44:28.000 But if that's not happening, you're probably losing your shit and you become a less effective functioning method or a member of society, rather. 0.99
00:44:38.000 That method of relieving the tension and just the physical tension of nothing else. 0.99
00:44:43.000 That's all it is.
00:44:44.000 There's a physical tension in your body.
00:44:45.000 You manipulate it.
00:44:46.000 It doesn't mean there's no love involved there.
00:44:48.000 There's nothing.
00:44:49.000 It's just you have a buildup.
00:44:51.000 It's like blowing your nose.
00:44:53.000 Except the doctor's fingering you.
00:44:55.000 I just...
00:44:56.000 Yeah, I think the doctor shouldn't do that.
00:44:58.000 I would hate that doctor still...
00:45:00.000 To your girl.
00:45:00.000 Yeah, that's why.
00:45:02.000 Because you're not doing any work.
00:45:03.000 Would you like that? 0.98
00:45:03.000 No, I don't want the doctor wiping my daughter's butt either. 0.98
00:45:08.000 You want to be able to do your job as a parent. 0.99
00:45:10.000 Your girlfriend would be like, I'm going to the doctor again. 1.00
00:45:13.000 You want to be able to do your job as a man.
00:45:15.000 You want to be able to do your job as a man. 1.00
00:45:16.000 If your girl's going to the doctor, get her finger banged, her little pussy with a mechanical device because the doctor's good at it. 1.00
00:45:23.000 Maybe the doctor's hot. 1.00
00:45:24.000 Maybe he's eating her ass while he does it. 1.00
00:45:26.000 Listen, I'm just going to eat your ass. 1.00
00:45:27.000 What? 1.00
00:45:27.000 I can't believe we're doing this. 1.00
00:45:29.000 Is this in the...
00:45:29.000 Are you really supposed to be doing this?
00:45:31.000 I'm just sexually pleasing you. 0.97
00:45:32.000 That's what my job is. 1.00
00:45:33.000 Let me eat your ass. 1.00
00:45:34.000 Okay. 1.00
00:45:36.000 Would you be upset?
00:45:37.000 If you're like, this is so crazy.
00:45:38.000 I went to the doctor to get my weekly hysteria release.
00:45:42.000 I mean, they recommended it.
00:45:43.000 I have to go, especially since you can't get it up anymore. 0.99
00:45:47.000 And while in the middle of the hysteria release, he just starts eating my ass. 0.99
00:45:51.000 And I'm like, okay, is this part... 1.00
00:45:53.000 I mean, is that cheating?
00:45:54.000 Is that cheating?
00:45:55.000 It's not cheating if he's fingering her. 1.00
00:45:57.000 But if he starts eating her ass, is that cheating? 1.00
00:46:00.000 He's just being a doctor. 1.00
00:46:01.000 He said I come quicker when he eats my ass and he doesn't have time to just keep fingering me. 1.00
00:46:08.000 If you were really, if you were going to finger someone, the best way to do it is to really just go crazy. 1.00
00:46:12.000 What gets her off? 1.00
00:46:13.000 Is it eating your asshole? 1.00
00:46:14.000 So while he's fingering, he's probably like, Mrs. Rockhold, I don't know how to bring this up, so I'll just be blunt. 1.00
00:46:21.000 Is there a better way for me to be fingering you here? 1.00
00:46:24.000 If I eat your asshole, do you think you'll come quicker? 1.00
00:46:26.000 Because my hand's getting tired and there's a lot of people after you in line. 1.00
00:46:29.000 Have you ever got prune hands from fingering a girl?
00:46:31.000 I don't think it happens.
00:46:32.000 I think there's like an alien-like slippery, slimy stuff that's inside the woman's body and it doesn't interact with your body like water. 0.80
00:46:40.000 It happens.
00:46:42.000 Unless your girl is pissing on your hands so much that they prune up. 1.00
00:46:46.000 It happens. 0.98
00:46:47.000 That's because your girl shoots, right? 0.98
00:46:48.000 Huh?
00:46:49.000 Doesn't she have that thing? 1.00
00:46:50.000 No, not her. 0.98
00:46:51.000 She's a blowhole? 1.00
00:46:52.000 No. 1.00
00:46:56.000 Can you imagine if that was normal, if every man and woman had a blowhole in their back and they just shot fucking water up in the air everywhere we were? 0.99
00:47:03.000 You drink water, but you could shoot it up there so that you could do both. 0.98
00:47:06.000 You could swim in the ocean and you could also live on the ground if we had a blowhole.
00:47:10.000 Why would that hurt us?
00:47:12.000 An extra little hole.
00:47:13.000 We could be both.
00:47:14.000 We could be like Aquaman.
00:47:15.000 You know what I mean?
00:47:16.000 Yeah.
00:47:17.000 We could swim around, no problem. 1.00
00:47:18.000 We have a shit design. 1.00
00:47:20.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:47:21.000 You know, one of the theories is that human beings actually evolved in the water.
00:47:24.000 It's called the aquatic ape theory.
00:47:26.000 The idea is that we're the only animal that has, its babies have so much fat on them, and that some of that might have been so that they were more buoyant.
00:47:33.000 Like, in case they fell into the water, you could catch them quicker.
00:47:36.000 Like, that's like, we were born with this layer of fat all over us, and eventually we become, like, a smaller version of ourselves.
00:47:43.000 But chimps, like, as they're born, little babies, little muscle-bound, little babies, they're not all fat and chubby like our babies.
00:47:49.000 Our babies are all fat and chubby.
00:47:50.000 What if like thousands and thousands and thousands of years ago, before Caveman, before everything, we were just like really, really fat and just lived in puddles.
00:47:58.000 And so we just like, we still talked, like, hey, what's going on?
00:48:01.000 But we just like lay in puddles and we couldn't move because we couldn't walk yet.
00:48:05.000 Well, maybe we found some food that was so awesome that was in the puddles.
00:48:08.000 That's all we needed to do.
00:48:09.000 Right.
00:48:09.000 You know, it just tasted like chocolate cake and it was the best thing for your body.
00:48:12.000 And so it's like the best way to get out is just eat it all day.
00:48:15.000 And we just laid in puddles and eat this fungus, this chocolate cake fungus that tasted awesome.
00:48:22.000 What a creepy visual.
00:48:23.000 Yeah, what a creepy visual.
00:48:24.000 Like a Pink Floyd visual.
00:48:25.000 You know what really creeped me out the other day, man?
00:48:26.000 I was watching something on volcanoes, and they were showing all the different towns.
00:48:32.000 Apparently, they have discovered a whole volcanic, like an entire forest.
00:48:38.000 I believe it's in China. 0.73
00:48:40.000 Under a volcano like hundreds of millions of years old and they're gonna like dig down into this and this and like a whole like forest had been covered by volcanic ash and shit.
00:48:49.000 They're sort of just discovering it and unpiecing it now and you realize when you see shit like that that at any point in time these giant natural disasters that have happened so many times over the history of the planet like we haven't got that wired yet.
00:49:04.000 We don't know when they're coming. 0.88
00:49:05.000 We don't know what to do when they hit or if we can do anything.
00:49:09.000 Like, the big ones, like the super volcanoes and the shifting of the polar ice caps, like, all that stuff's coming.
00:49:15.000 Like, that's how the planet works.
00:49:17.000 Like, it almost seems like it's designed that way.
00:49:20.000 Like, there's a little reset button that goes on.
00:49:22.000 You only play the game for so long, and then, bah, time's up.
00:49:25.000 Next civilization.
00:49:26.000 You know, you gotta bring in the next people to play the game.
00:49:28.000 You know?
00:49:31.000 Could you imagine if that's what civilization is?
00:49:34.000 Really, realistically, humans in this form, how long have they been around?
00:49:37.000 How long have monkeys been around?
00:49:38.000 How many millions of years?
00:49:39.000 Let's just get crazy and just say, 65 million years ago when the dinosaurs got hit by that big meteor, let's say there was no monkeys back then, because I'm pretty sure there weren't. 0.96
00:49:47.000 So just in 65 million years, which is nothing, all this shit has happened. 0.96
00:49:52.000 You know? 1.00
00:49:52.000 All this shit has happened. 1.00
00:49:53.000 Who knows? 1.00
00:49:54.000 This couldn't have happened.
00:49:55.000 What if this happened already?
00:49:57.000 What if the whole thing had been started from the beginning to the end?
00:50:00.000 People had figured things out.
00:50:02.000 There was, you know, an advanced civilization. 1.00
00:50:05.000 And it got hit by a fucking meteor. 0.99
00:50:07.000 And then it had to start all over again. 1.00
00:50:08.000 From scratch.
00:50:10.000 From scratch with amoebas and things that survive at the bottom of the sea to eventually intelligent life.
00:50:17.000 How many times could that happen in the course of a sun?
00:50:19.000 You know? 1.00
00:50:20.000 All that shit's possible. 1.00
00:50:21.000 This could end for us at any moment. 1.00
00:50:24.000 Any moment, boom, the sky turns bright and that's the end because a hypernova a couple million light years away blew up on us.
00:50:35.000 I was kind of scared flying back.
00:50:37.000 I kept on falling asleep and then waking up thinking about we were flying over the ocean.
00:50:43.000 That was the first time I ever flew over the ocean.
00:50:45.000 And that really, if you think about it while you're flying over the ocean, it's really creepy to think about.
00:50:51.000 Sure.
00:50:51.000 Well, you were sober, too.
00:50:52.000 Yeah.
00:50:53.000 Well, you were actually a little drunk still from the night before.
00:50:55.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:50:55.000 I was definitely drunk.
00:50:56.000 Barely, but you're not really.
00:50:58.000 Yeah.
00:50:58.000 I know when you're hammered.
00:51:00.000 But it was like, I was thinking, like, if there was an emergency landing, you needed to get...
00:51:04.000 Oh, Jesus.
00:51:04.000 There's no emergency landing in the middle of the ocean, dude.
00:51:07.000 And then I was thinking about, like, how you...
00:51:08.000 How are they going to even get you, by the way?
00:51:10.000 Yeah.
00:51:10.000 That's the thing.
00:51:11.000 If something goes down in the middle of the ocean, they don't send in a plane to land and go get it.
00:51:15.000 Okay?
00:51:15.000 They have to bring in boats.
00:51:17.000 Or fishermen to get the sharks to get your body out of them.
00:51:20.000 Some boat, yeah, that's somewhere near you where it happened.
00:51:23.000 They send that out. 1.00
00:51:25.000 Fuck that. 1.00
00:51:25.000 Fuck that, indeed. 1.00
00:51:26.000 But what are you going to do? 1.00
00:51:27.000 Are you going to stay home?
00:51:28.000 I don't know.
00:51:28.000 Or are you going to fly to Japan?
00:51:29.000 Don't think of it when you're flying in the ocean.
00:51:32.000 I kept on thinking about it.
00:51:32.000 I couldn't stop thinking about it.
00:51:33.000 It was freezing me out.
00:51:34.000 You shouldn't do that.
00:51:35.000 Yeah, our forms of transportation are quite frightening when you think about what happens when they go wrong.
00:51:41.000 But what's really fascinating is what does the future hold?
00:51:44.000 You know, 200 years ago when people were first putting together railroads, they would have never, ever believed that we could get to the point we are today.
00:51:52.000 200 years ago, there was no cars 200 years ago, right?
00:51:55.000 In 1811, there was no cars.
00:51:57.000 So, imagine that.
00:52:00.000 Imagine that amount of time and imagine what has taken place.
00:52:03.000 And now think about what that amount of time in the future is going to hold.
00:52:07.000 We're going to...
00:52:08.000 It's going to be like...
00:52:09.000 People miss. 0.99
00:52:09.000 If you don't get there, you just splatter into a fucking billion particles and blow off in the wind. 0.99
00:52:14.000 That's what's going to happen. 0.98
00:52:15.000 We're going to make some sort of a Star Trek replica thing where you beam yourself places. 0.99
00:52:20.000 And shit's going to go wrong sometimes. 0.98
00:52:22.000 There's going to be terrorists that set up mirrors so that as you try to beam yourself up, it fucking scatters your essence all throughout the universe. 0.99
00:52:30.000 Who knows? 0.96
00:52:30.000 Who knows what kind of crazy time travel teleportation shit they're going to be able to figure out as far as travel in the next 200 years. 0.96
00:52:40.000 I think it's going to have something to do with traveling back from Japan to LA back and forth so many times until you start going back in time more and more and more. 0.83
00:52:50.000 How weird is that, though?
00:52:51.000 Like, we relived the same morning twice.
00:52:54.000 That is so weird.
00:52:55.000 It is pretty crazy, but do you think that at a certain point in time, when, you know, if they've... 0.98
00:52:59.000 Because I know they've done things with particles, where they've managed to teleport particles, but I don't quite understand that shit. 0.93
00:53:05.000 I don't understand if they're... 0.97
00:53:07.000 I don't know what's really going on there.
00:53:09.000 But you gotta assume that if they could figure out a way to transport anything, anything, even an email, even the idea that something's going through a fucking, going through a Wi-Fi network in space, it's in the air, and it lands in your fucking laptop, and you're just sitting there wirelessly connected to, you know, to the universe, and then something comes in, a big file, a big piece of information.
00:53:31.000 You know, the fact that you can do that...
00:53:33.000 You start thinking about what if you could figure out a way to break a person down to ones and zeros.
00:53:38.000 What if you could break a person down to a program?
00:53:41.000 If you commit to being a program, in our internet we offer you a lifelong creative adventure.
00:53:48.000 You can decide what you want to do with your life.
00:53:51.000 You'll be living online and your consciousness will be in the hand of trusted engineers that were responsible for such amazing movies as Lord of the Rings and King Kong. 0.89
00:54:03.000 You get to sign up for this shit, and as long as your credit holds out, they just connect you and your essence to a computer, and they throw you into a computer simulation, and you're just a plug in the wall. 0.94
00:54:16.000 We already are. 1.00
00:54:17.000 Like the Matrix.
00:54:18.000 Is that possible?
00:54:19.000 We already are.
00:54:19.000 What is that guy's name?
00:54:21.000 The guy who decided he was going to give up?
00:54:25.000 Joe...
00:54:25.000 Biden?
00:54:26.000 No, no, no, no.
00:54:27.000 In The Matrix.
00:54:28.000 He was a very famous, like he was always in those gangster movies.
00:54:32.000 Joey Pants.
00:54:33.000 Joe Pantalone.
00:54:35.000 You know who I'm talking about?
00:54:36.000 No.
00:54:36.000 Very good actor.
00:54:37.000 Anyway, he's the one who was in The Matrix and he decided that he was going to give up and he was going to join the other side.
00:54:43.000 He was like one of the good guys, one of the parts of the resistance, but he couldn't hack it anymore.
00:54:47.000 He's getting tired of it, so he's going to give up Morpheus.
00:54:50.000 And they were in a restaurant with him, and he's eating steak, and he was telling them that he wants to be a good-looking guy, an important person, maybe a movie star.
00:54:58.000 Oh, right, right, right.
00:54:59.000 You remember that?
00:54:59.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:55:00.000 That was pretty wild.
00:55:01.000 Yeah.
00:55:01.000 Because you know there'd be people like that if that really presented itself.
00:55:06.000 Like, here's what you can do. 0.98
00:55:07.000 You can either continue what you're doing or be the baddest motherfucker in the world in The Matrix, and you won't be able to discern whether it's real or not. 0.98
00:55:15.000 A lot of people would take that. 0.99
00:55:17.000 What a weird choice and a real possibility.
00:55:21.000 When you stop and think about what an incredible movie that was, that that movie presented this idea, and the fact that as technology moves forward, that might one day become a possibility. 0.99
00:55:33.000 Some sort of a computer neuro interface that projects a created reality into your own head and hijacks all your senses and has all your senses feeling and smelling and has your dick getting hard and you really think you're fucking. 0.99
00:55:46.000 You think everything's going on. 1.00
00:55:48.000 You're the king of the goddamn world. 1.00
00:55:49.000 You're Conan the Barbarian. 1.00
00:55:50.000 You're slaying dragons.
00:55:52.000 You never even die. 1.00
00:55:53.000 Every time you want to win, you win and you're just fucking bitches everywhere over the bodies of your enemies. 1.00
00:55:59.000 It probably is going to be something like that. 0.99
00:56:01.000 We're going to wake up from the program and go, oh yeah, we started this program a long time ago.
00:56:07.000 We're somewhere else and we're like, oh, we forgot.
00:56:09.000 We're just in a buggy version.
00:56:11.000 Yeah.
00:56:12.000 You know when you wake up from getting anesthesia or something like that and you're like... 1.00
00:56:15.000 Wait, what the fuck? 0.99
00:56:16.000 Oh yeah, I had the operation. 1.00
00:56:18.000 I was knocked out.
00:56:19.000 But what if we wake up from life like that?
00:56:22.000 Where we're like, oh yeah, I started this program, this life program hack on my phone.
00:56:26.000 Did somebody just knock on the door?
00:56:27.000 Nah, that was a car accident.
00:56:29.000 Oh no.
00:56:31.000 This is what I was going to talk about at the very beginning of the podcast, but I went, oh, no.
00:56:35.000 Let's get some time in before I talk about this. 0.93
00:56:38.000 There's a fighter, apparently, that's on this season of The Ultimate Fighter that allegedly they're saying was in gay porn. 0.98
00:56:47.000 What? 0.99
00:56:47.000 Yeah. 0.99
00:56:48.000 Are you allowed to talk about this?
00:56:49.000 I don't know.
00:56:49.000 I don't know if it's real.
00:56:51.000 I don't know.
00:56:53.000 Hold on.
00:56:53.000 Fighter on Ulta...
00:56:56.000 I won't even say his name because I don't know if it is real.
00:57:00.000 That's pretty cool.
00:57:01.000 Yeah.
00:57:02.000 But what I will say is, I'll say two things. 0.99
00:57:06.000 One, who gives a shit? 0.99
00:57:08.000 Jesus Christ. 1.00
00:57:08.000 As long as he's not raping anybody. 1.00
00:57:10.000 Right. 0.96
00:57:10.000 You know? 0.96
00:57:10.000 I mean, if the dude's gay and he just sticks to what it is, is his training and fighting. 0.96
00:57:14.000 Well, there is something different when we're rolling around with some guy that's good porn. 1.00
00:57:17.000 Only if he's fucked? 0.99
00:57:18.000 No, because I've rolled with women and it's never been sexual in any way, shape, or form. 1.00
00:57:22.000 Yeah, but not porn stars.
00:57:23.000 Have you rolled with porn stars? 0.95
00:57:23.000 Yeah. 0.95
00:57:24.000 No, but I've rolled with Pretty Girls before. 1.00
00:57:26.000 There's been a few times.
00:57:27.000 And you know what, man? 0.97
00:57:28.000 First of all, you've got to be careful because if they're good, like you roll with like Misha Tate or someone like that or Ronda Rousey, they'll fucking strangle you like a dude will too. 0.75
00:57:36.000 Like you've got to watch your P's and Q's.
00:57:38.000 But it's never that.
00:57:40.000 It's always rolling.
00:57:42.000 Anybody who's rolling is rolling. 1.00
00:57:44.000 Nobody's rolling grinding their dick on you. 1.00
00:57:46.000 If they are, they're getting choked out. 1.00
00:57:47.000 That shit doesn't last. 1.00
00:57:49.000 You just don't want to think that, dude. 1.00
00:57:50.000 Yeah, you don't.
00:57:52.000 You don't. 0.97
00:57:53.000 You don't, but I know I've rolled with gay guys. 0.80
00:57:55.000 Absolutely, 100% for sure.
00:57:57.000 There's more than one.
00:57:58.000 I've rolled with more than one gay guy.
00:57:59.000 Guys who are openly gay. 0.96
00:58:01.000 I've rolled with guys who I'm pretty sure were gay. 1.00
00:58:04.000 It's just, who gives a fuck? 1.00
00:58:06.000 As long as the person's not inappropriate with you, or they don't douche on you. 0.99
00:58:12.000 But same way with men and women together, man. 0.97
00:58:14.000 Can you imagine if men and women shared one fucking locker room everywhere in life, and women just had to deal with guys douching on them? 0.97
00:58:21.000 Have you ever rolled with somebody and their bone was really hard and you felt it the whole time? 0.99
00:58:26.000 No.
00:58:27.000 Just push back on it just to set up a submission. 0.99
00:58:30.000 Well, you've got to distract him with your butthole. 1.00
00:58:32.000 You can feel the tip of the cock. 1.00
00:58:33.000 You have to develop a feeling for the tip of the cock. 1.00
00:58:36.000 You got to know how far you can push him before he's actually raping you. 1.00
00:58:39.000 You feel it on your back. 1.00
00:58:42.000 No. 1.00
00:58:42.000 And you're like, oh, that's definitely his dick. 1.00
00:58:43.000 But you got to think, man, if you're a gay guy and you were really into, like, fighting for your boy pussy, if you want to fight for your boy pussy, you want to go do battle and then fuck a guy. 1.00
00:58:54.000 Take him down, mount him, take his back, and then just get in that extra hook. 1.00
00:58:58.000 Some dudes, that's what they're looking for. 0.99
00:59:01.000 As long, listen, as long as any guy doesn't do that, as long as you don't go raping other guys you're training with, you know?
00:59:07.000 But the thing is, though, the thing that I wonder, you know, I don't know if the guy actually did this, which is why I'm not saying anything, but I would wonder if he was honest about it, if anybody had asked.
00:59:18.000 I would assume that that's like a part of a contract, right?
00:59:21.000 Yeah.
00:59:22.000 There's certain stuff that we don't want you to have done.
00:59:25.000 I think you need to say it, at least.
00:59:27.000 Do you think?
00:59:27.000 Yeah, I do.
00:59:29.000 Because I would not want to roll with somebody that used to do gay porn. 0.99
00:59:32.000 That's my personal choice. 0.99
00:59:33.000 But it's okay if you roll with a guy who had...
00:59:36.000 Because when you're rolling... 1.00
00:59:37.000 Who was gay, who had gay sex. 1.00
00:59:38.000 Is that okay? 0.99
00:59:40.000 I don't know.
00:59:40.000 No, I don't think so.
00:59:41.000 Really?
00:59:42.000 Because I think when you're...
00:59:43.000 That's the last...
00:59:44.000 That's the last frontier?
00:59:46.000 That's the last frontier. 1.00
00:59:47.000 Your asshole's the last of the Mohicans. 1.00
00:59:49.000 Right. 1.00
00:59:49.000 I think it's the same way as when you get pulled over from a girl cop, or a guy cop, and you're a girl and you need to be pat down. 1.00
00:59:56.000 They have to get a girl cop. 1.00
00:59:58.000 Same reason. 1.00
00:59:58.000 I don't want you to be rolling your dick on me if you like that. 1.00
01:00:02.000 No, no, no. 1.00
01:00:02.000 That's different because in that situation, you have to be subservient. 1.00
01:00:05.000 In that situation where a cop is there, you have to stand still while the cop essentially molests you.
01:00:11.000 That's why people have a hard time with that.
01:00:13.000 I don't know, though.
01:00:13.000 But it's really interesting because...
01:00:16.000 You know, I mean, do men have that same option?
01:00:19.000 Like, if a woman... 1.00
01:00:19.000 Like, no. 1.00
01:00:20.000 Men don't have... 1.00
01:00:21.000 Like, a woman can't pat a man down. 1.00
01:00:22.000 Is that true?
01:00:23.000 I don't think they can, right?
01:00:24.000 A man has to pat a man down.
01:00:25.000 Right.
01:00:26.000 Is that correct?
01:00:26.000 Right.
01:00:27.000 So, you can't, like, be humiliated by a woman either.
01:00:30.000 Right.
01:00:30.000 I think so.
01:00:31.000 I think.
01:00:32.000 Yeah.
01:00:33.000 Unless you ask nice things.
01:00:34.000 I don't think men can pat women down, but I do know that there was one crazy video online where a woman got arrested for something.
01:00:40.000 Turned out to be totally innocent, by the way. 0.99
01:00:41.000 And these cops were giving her a strip search, and she's fucking screaming. 1.00
01:00:45.000 And she really did nothing. 0.99
01:00:47.000 And it's the craziest video to watch. 0.99
01:00:49.000 The cops just fucked up and went way too far with it. 0.99
01:00:52.000 But they held this girl down and, like, strip searched her. 0.99
01:00:55.000 And it turned out she did nothing, man. 1.00
01:00:57.000 It was just all fucked up. 1.00
01:00:59.000 It was just... 1.00
01:00:59.000 They just told her to do it. 1.00
01:01:01.000 She wouldn't.
01:01:02.000 And then it got out of hand.
01:01:03.000 And then, you know, when people think that they're being disrespected or that their authority is not being, you know, accurately represented, you know, they'll step in and take things to a horrible place.
01:01:16.000 And that's what I think probably happened.
01:01:18.000 It's a terrible thing to watch because you watch and you think, that could be my sister.
01:01:21.000 You know, that could be my mom. 0.99
01:01:23.000 That could be my wife. 1.00
01:01:24.000 That could, you know, and these guys are holding her down for now. 0.99
01:01:26.000 She's not a fucking terrorist. 0.98
01:01:27.000 Like, what are you doing, man? 0.99
01:01:28.000 Why are you holding her down and strip searching her? 1.00
01:01:30.000 Look, this is what you do. 1.00
01:01:31.000 Just place her in a room and ask her some questions for a few minutes before you fucking check inside her asshole for bombs. 1.00
01:01:37.000 You know, how about you do that? 1.00
01:01:38.000 And then you would find out, oh, this is a big mistake. 0.99
01:01:40.000 Someone's fucked up. 0.99
01:01:41.000 Okay, you're not a danger to society, man. 1.00
01:01:44.000 Is there someone that can drive you home?
01:01:45.000 Sorry. 0.99
01:01:46.000 We didn't have to look inside your butthole at all. 1.00
01:01:49.000 So there was just a big mistake. 0.99
01:01:51.000 I mean, that's what they do, dude.
01:01:52.000 They check your naked body. 0.96
01:01:54.000 For a woman, that's so humiliating. 1.00
01:01:56.000 To be in a room with men, they're holding you down, they're checking your naked body. 0.79
01:02:00.000 I mean, essentially, that's like a rape of power move.
01:02:02.000 I mean, it really is.
01:02:03.000 You know that's not a dangerous woman. 1.00
01:02:04.000 She's not shooting anybody. 0.99
01:02:06.000 She's not trying to blow up the fucking world. 0.99
01:02:08.000 She's just some lady. 1.00
01:02:09.000 Whether she's drunk or crazy or what, you don't have to be stripping her down like that. 0.99
01:02:13.000 That's nuts.
01:02:14.000 But you give people the option, give people the ability to do that.
01:02:18.000 People get out of hand. 0.99
01:02:19.000 That's why tasers are fucked up. 0.98
01:02:21.000 Tasers are great if every cop was awesome. 0.99
01:02:24.000 But every cop's not awesome.
01:02:25.000 So the idea that you're just randomly giving tasers to all these dudes, and some of them, I've seen some of the moves where people taser people. 0.98
01:02:32.000 I've seen some of the shit that happens, and that's fucking wrong, man. 0.98
01:02:35.000 And it's assault, and it's a crime. 1.00
01:02:37.000 And they should take the fucking tasers away from those guys, and they should lose their jobs. 0.99
01:02:41.000 Yeah, but what if it's like taser versus gun, where in most instances those people probably got shot by a gun. 0.99
01:02:45.000 Listen, if a cop is in any sort of a situation where a guy is threatening to him, then the guy should get tased.
01:02:52.000 Absolutely. 0.99
01:02:52.000 If they're in any situation where it looks like the guy is trying to physically harm them and they can tase that guy, fuck yeah. 0.99
01:02:59.000 That's not what I'm talking about, man. 0.99
01:03:01.000 I'm talking about people that have bad days and just taser people.
01:03:04.000 But you don't think they should totally take it off?
01:03:06.000 No!
01:03:08.000 No, it's a good weapon for honest cops.
01:03:10.000 But the problem is there's too many people that use it just because they get pissed off or they want immediate respect. 0.97
01:03:16.000 You know, there's guys that get out of control with any kind of fucking, any piece of power, anything. 0.95
01:03:20.000 Whether they're your landlord or your boss or a cop or anything. 0.96
01:03:24.000 There's certain dudes that just cannot handle where they get to be the guy in control.
01:03:29.000 They can't handle it.
01:03:30.000 They go on ego trips.
01:03:31.000 They're not satisfied enough with their own life.
01:03:33.000 Well, most of them can. 0.99
01:03:35.000 You know, you just gotta figure out a way to weed out the shithead cops. 0.99
01:03:38.000 And then tasers would be awesome. 1.00
01:03:40.000 Wow, I'm looking at photos of that guy that you were talking about, the gay guy. 0.95
01:03:44.000 Is he hot? 1.00
01:03:45.000 Him fucking guys. 1.00
01:03:47.000 Whoa! 1.00
01:03:48.000 Hey! 0.99
01:03:49.000 He there.
01:03:50.000 Allegedly.
01:03:50.000 Allegedly.
01:03:51.000 This could all be a big Photoshop scandal.
01:03:52.000 It could be a big Photoshop scandal for sure.
01:03:55.000 That's crazy.
01:03:55.000 I say, who cares, man?
01:03:57.000 It gives you extra motivation to not let that guy beat your ass. 1.00
01:04:00.000 That's what I say. 1.00
01:04:01.000 I say, good for him, man.
01:04:02.000 But... 0.99
01:04:04.000 Don't ever talk shit on him. 0.99
01:04:05.000 I wonder what's going to happen as far as sponsors and shit. 1.00
01:04:09.000 That would be interesting to see if sponsors got homophobic and didn't want to sponsor when he was having fights. 0.99
01:04:16.000 That would be kind of interesting.
01:04:18.000 You know?
01:04:19.000 They've never had that in the female side either, have they? 1.00
01:04:21.000 Have they ever had a female porn star who turned out that she was like a lesbian porn star and she was fucking bitches up? 1.00
01:04:27.000 Have they ever had that? 1.00
01:04:28.000 I don't think so. 1.00
01:04:28.000 What's that one girl with the penis? 1.00
01:04:31.000 Chyna? 1.00
01:04:32.000 Chyna? 0.78
01:04:33.000 Did she do that? 1.00
01:04:33.000 She didn't do MMA. No, but she did WWF, didn't she? 1.00
01:04:37.000 Then she did porn afterwards. 0.92
01:04:38.000 Oh, I thought it was... 0.98
01:04:39.000 Oh, never mind.
01:04:40.000 You're right.
01:04:40.000 Yeah.
01:04:41.000 She's doing some porn, so if you feel like beating off to that, go right ahead. 0.99
01:04:45.000 That's crazy. 0.98
01:04:46.000 You can go get that.
01:04:46.000 I think it was like a high-end movie, too, right?
01:04:50.000 Like a Vivid or something like that, right?
01:04:52.000 Probably.
01:04:53.000 Yeah.
01:04:53.000 Yeah.
01:04:54.000 Something along those lines, I think. 0.99
01:04:56.000 Deep Inside China or some shit. 0.99
01:04:58.000 You know, it's always some silly name. 1.00
01:05:02.000 Deep in China.
01:05:03.000 Yeah, but she never had MMA fights. 0.95
01:05:05.000 I don't know.
01:05:06.000 I don't think she was a lesbian, either. 0.99
01:05:07.000 Panda XXXpress.
01:05:09.000 Yeah. 0.99
01:05:10.000 She became a porn star after her success as a wrestler. 1.00
01:05:13.000 It's fucking hard business, man, getting thrown around like that. 0.99
01:05:16.000 There's probably very few jobs out there that tax your body like a pro wrestler. 1.00
01:05:20.000 You watch those dudes fucking slamming chairs into each other and shit? 1.00
01:05:23.000 Like, holy fuck. 1.00
01:05:24.000 That does not look fun. 1.00
01:05:27.000 That looks like... 1.00
01:05:27.000 That's fucking nutty, man. 1.00
01:05:29.000 Yeah, brother. 1.00
01:05:31.000 All those dudes have like fake hips now and fucking disc... 1.00
01:05:34.000 Repair discs and... 0.99
01:05:36.000 You know?
01:05:37.000 Like Hulk Hogan, that poor guy.
01:05:39.000 He's had a whole bunch of surgeries.
01:05:41.000 He's just...
01:05:41.000 Just the size of him you would think it would be difficult to live life.
01:05:46.000 Like the weight.
01:05:47.000 Just walking around with all that.
01:05:48.000 He's enormous.
01:05:49.000 Like people don't realize how big Hulk Hogan is. 1.00
01:05:51.000 That's a fucking giant man. 0.99
01:05:53.000 I met him... 1.00
01:05:54.000 The first time I ever met him, dude, he had cowboy boots on...
01:05:57.000 He was out in front of the cigar.
01:05:59.000 There's like a Havana room in Beverly Hills.
01:06:01.000 I guess he was into cigars.
01:06:03.000 And I passed by him on the street. 1.00
01:06:05.000 And dude, he's a fucking mountain of a man. 1.00
01:06:09.000 Just carrying all that weight around. 0.99
01:06:11.000 It's got to be brutal on your back and your knees. 0.99
01:06:14.000 Never mind people throwing you through the fucking air. 1.00
01:06:20.000 No, thank you. 1.00
01:06:20.000 Huge in Japan, by the way. 1.00
01:06:22.000 Pro wrestling is enormous.
01:06:23.000 Still?
01:06:23.000 Yeah, Ariel Helwani was going to hang out with us one night, but before he went out, he wanted to go and check out some pro wrestling thing.
01:06:30.000 And by the time he came out, I was already asleep.
01:06:33.000 But it was the local pro wrestling.
01:06:37.000 They're really into this crazy, wild pro wrestling style.
01:06:41.000 And they have American MMA fighters come over and do matches.
01:06:44.000 They had Tim Sylvia had a match with Jerome LeBanner.
01:06:47.000 They have a pro wrestling match.
01:06:49.000 And it's almost like they're really fighting choreographed fights, but they have to eat shots.
01:06:54.000 Like Jerome LeBana kicked Tim Sylvia in the stomach. 1.00
01:06:57.000 It's like real shit, man. 1.00
01:06:59.000 They're really hitting each other, too. 1.00
01:07:00.000 Not full blast, but enough so you're like, holy shit. 0.99
01:07:03.000 This is hard stuff. 0.98
01:07:05.000 They use real submission holds.
01:07:07.000 It's pretty wild.
01:07:08.000 A lot of the guys that do pro wrestling also fight.
01:07:11.000 It's kind of crazy.
01:07:13.000 Like, that's where, I guess, Sakuraba, who's one of the most famous Japanese mixed martial artists ever, he actually has a roots, his roots are in pro wrestling.
01:07:21.000 You know, just, but he could really fight. 0.86
01:07:23.000 You know, so he would do all that, you know, choreographed shit, but he could do it to you if he wanted to as well. 0.98
01:07:29.000 Do you think Rampage is done? 0.99
01:07:31.000 No, I think he had a knee injury, apparently.
01:07:33.000 Apparently his doctor had told him not to fight.
01:07:35.000 Look, you know, people want to poo-poo this, and you don't know. 0.62
01:07:39.000 You know, people would say, oh, you just push it out, you push it out, it looked like you just want to get a paycheck.
01:07:44.000 I heard a lot of different things like that, and I disagree entirely.
01:07:47.000 I think he was in a situation where he wanted to put on a great show.
01:07:52.000 I know that it was super important for him to fight in Japan.
01:07:55.000 So, if he fought regardless of the fact that he hurt his knee like that, you know, and you look at how he, I mean, all the pieces point to that.
01:08:02.000 He was 211 pounds at weigh-in.
01:08:04.000 So that means something was wrong and he couldn't train.
01:08:07.000 Something was wrong and that's why he couldn't cut the weight.
01:08:09.000 Because you need to do it, when you're cutting a lot of weight like Rampage, he's going down from like 230 sometimes.
01:08:14.000 And when you're doing that, you've got to do that over a period of time where you're really smart about your calorie intake and you're really smart about the amount of cardio you do.
01:08:22.000 There's a lot of getting in shape.
01:08:24.000 That's a big part of that.
01:08:26.000 Sometimes guys, when they come in heavy, the camp becomes more about losing the weight than it does about improving skills.
01:08:33.000 And that's why a lot of guys like Anthony Johnson, they'll do better, actually, and they look better when they go up a weight class, you know, in my opinion, because then all of a sudden they're not cutting nearly as much, and now they get to focus their entire training camp on actual skills.
01:08:46.000 With that said, you know, it's an open debate, you know.
01:08:52.000 Different people know how to do it better than other people do.
01:08:55.000 The idea of one person having it figured out universally for every person who competes, that's never going to happen, you know.
01:09:03.000 It's wild watching fights in Japan, though, isn't it?
01:09:05.000 I loved it.
01:09:06.000 I really want to go back there.
01:09:08.000 I'm thinking about going back soon.
01:09:11.000 Well, there's so much.
01:09:12.000 Where we were at, where the fights took place at the Saitama Super Arena, there's so much history there, man. 0.95
01:09:17.000 That place was the place for all these fucking huge Pride events, man. 0.68
01:09:22.000 The biggest, most historic ones ever. 0.98
01:09:26.000 Most of them went down there.
01:09:28.000 There were some amazing fights that took place there.
01:09:30.000 If you're a martial arts historian, I'm a geek.
01:09:35.000 I'm a martial arts geek. 0.70
01:09:36.000 But going back and looking at old Prides and shit when Noguera was on top, I still watch those to this day.
01:09:43.000 To me, they're like movies that are welcome old movies to watch.
01:09:48.000 It's a work of art that I'm looking at. 0.89
01:09:49.000 When I watch some of the old Pride fights, they were fucking awesome.
01:09:53.000 They were so fun. 0.99
01:09:55.000 You know, so to be there in that place where all those fights went down, I was like, holy shit. 0.95
01:10:00.000 This is a part of like, to me, like one of my favorite things to watch and be a part of mixed martial arts. 0.86
01:10:06.000 This is like a historical event to me, you know?
01:10:12.000 This is like, holy shit, like we're in the Saitama Super Arena in Japan where it all went down, you know? 0.62
01:10:17.000 So it had definitely an extra charge because of that. 0.90
01:10:21.000 It's really cool how that arena actually expands.
01:10:24.000 You can make it bigger or smaller.
01:10:26.000 Yeah, the floor comes up too.
01:10:27.000 The floor can rise.
01:10:29.000 The sides expand. 0.95
01:10:31.000 Yeah, it's like super fucking high tech, man. 0.90
01:10:33.000 It's also weird seeing all the animation. 0.89
01:10:36.000 Like I had said, like, look, keep your eye out for the animation.
01:10:38.000 There's animation everywhere.
01:10:39.000 And it was like, Everywhere.
01:10:40.000 Everywhere you looked, there was little cartoons.
01:10:43.000 Yeah, well, you should say cartoons, not animation, because animation is motion.
01:10:46.000 But everywhere where people have businesses, they have a cartoon pickle that runs their business, or a kitty cat, or a fox.
01:10:53.000 A lot of cats.
01:10:55.000 Bears, like teddy bears, like that run your, you know, your company's represented by a big smiley teddy bear.
01:11:01.000 Yeah, and even like the description on the toilet, like, you know, should like a kid like reaching in there and there would be like this cartoon of the character crying and stuff.
01:11:09.000 Yeah, the cartoon telling you not to like stick your mouth on the toilet seat where the water comes out. 0.95
01:11:14.000 They don't want anybody hovering their head over and just drinking the shit water. 1.00
01:11:19.000 Oh, God. 0.99
01:11:20.000 Yeah, because who knows? 1.00
01:11:21.000 I mean, if you take a giant dump on the jets, just some monster dump, you know, maybe some of that shit still sticks to the little hose. 0.99
01:11:29.000 It doesn't quite got it all off. 1.00
01:11:31.000 And then your kids in there drinking it out of it like a fountain.
01:11:33.000 They get some horrible disease. 0.96
01:11:36.000 There's also having your poop in their mouth. 1.00
01:11:38.000 It's also weird seeing the Starbucks cups.
01:11:41.000 Everything was smaller in Japan.
01:11:43.000 The venti iced coffee in America is like, I don't know, it's like a size of 20 ounces.
01:11:50.000 Yeah, the venti was small.
01:11:52.000 What we have is a small here. 0.99
01:11:54.000 Venti coffee is just fucking crank. 0.98
01:11:56.000 You might as well just go take crank. 0.99
01:11:58.000 You get a venti Starbucks, somebody might as well just give you a line.
01:12:02.000 I get Trenta.
01:12:03.000 I get Trent to add shots every day.
01:12:05.000 What?
01:12:06.000 Every single day.
01:12:07.000 So Trent is 30 ounces of iced coffee with shots and espresso.
01:12:10.000 Two shots usually every day.
01:12:12.000 Dude, you're like numb to caffeine, huh? 0.55
01:12:13.000 I just do that once and that wastes me right the fuck up. 0.50
01:12:16.000 I don't like that groggy part of the morning.
01:12:19.000 I want to be awake.
01:12:20.000 I want to be able to drink a beverage and be like, alright, I'm good.
01:12:22.000 You know what you should do?
01:12:23.000 Work out, man.
01:12:25.000 Perform a series of exercises.
01:12:26.000 Force yourself to do chin-ups, push-ups, and bodyweight squats every morning.
01:12:30.000 You'll wake right the fuck up. 0.99
01:12:31.000 Do some jiu-jitsu with a gay guy. 1.00
01:12:33.000 You don't have to do jiu-jitsu with gay guys. 1.00
01:12:36.000 Trust me. 0.98
01:12:37.000 You just do a little bit of 30 minutes jiu-jitsu with a gay guy, you're right in the wake. 1.00
01:12:41.000 Make sure you keep your base.
01:12:43.000 Make sure you don't let it take you back.
01:12:45.000 I kept on thinking...
01:12:46.000 Oh, wait.
01:12:47.000 We already talked about this.
01:12:48.000 Never mind.
01:12:48.000 What?
01:12:49.000 Never mind.
01:12:49.000 Well, don't tell me.
01:12:50.000 No, I don't want to say it now.
01:12:51.000 What are you scared of?
01:12:52.000 That was really cool having that dude from House of Pain in there.
01:12:56.000 My friends growing up were just huge House of Pain fans.
01:13:00.000 That's all they listened to non-stop and smoked weed.
01:13:02.000 He's very connected with the weed people.
01:13:05.000 What are you talking about?
01:13:06.000 Everlast?
01:13:07.000 I'm sorry.
01:13:07.000 I meant Be Real.
01:13:08.000 What did I say?
01:13:09.000 Everlast?
01:13:09.000 You said House of Pain.
01:13:10.000 You meant Cypress Hill.
01:13:11.000 Cypress Hill.
01:13:12.000 I'm sorry.
01:13:12.000 Yeah.
01:13:13.000 You silly fuck. 1.00
01:13:13.000 They're not the same. 1.00
01:13:14.000 You're racist.
01:13:15.000 I get them confused a lot. 1.00
01:13:16.000 You're racist.
01:13:16.000 Why do you get them confused a lot?
01:13:18.000 I don't know.
01:13:18.000 They just...
01:13:19.000 Same timeline where they kind of came out the same time.
01:13:22.000 They used to have kind of the same sounds.
01:13:26.000 I used to mix them up a lot.
01:13:28.000 I've done that before with Blink-182 and someone else.
01:13:31.000 I forget who the other band was.
01:13:32.000 Uh...
01:13:34.000 Green Day.
01:13:35.000 They're all together to me.
01:13:36.000 Just the names.
01:13:37.000 I don't know what it was.
01:13:38.000 Obviously, I know they have totally different music, but the names.
01:13:41.000 Every now and then, for whatever reason, you have a misfire in your brain, and you've connected someone with the wrong person for a couple of months, and then you have to relearn it.
01:13:49.000 And when you relearn it, sometimes it doesn't take.
01:13:51.000 Like, wait a minute.
01:13:52.000 Okay.
01:13:52.000 Oh, yeah.
01:13:53.000 That's the other band.
01:13:54.000 That's the other band.
01:13:55.000 Oh, yeah.
01:13:56.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:13:57.000 What's the other band that used to sing out?
01:14:00.000 Take Me Past the Breakers.
01:14:02.000 Oh, yeah.
01:14:04.000 We can't live beside the ocean.
01:14:07.000 Oh, man. 0.99
01:14:08.000 I'm fucking dying over here. 0.98
01:14:10.000 They were great. 0.99
01:14:11.000 That was that song, Santa Monica.
01:14:13.000 Everclear.
01:14:14.000 Everclear.
01:14:14.000 I got him.
01:14:14.000 That mixed up with Everlast Alive.
01:14:16.000 Oh, yeah.
01:14:17.000 Well, I can see how that would happen. 0.99
01:14:19.000 That guy had some badass fucking music, though. 0.99
01:14:21.000 I love that guy. 0.97
01:14:22.000 Where is that guy?
01:14:23.000 I don't know.
01:14:24.000 He bleached his hair a lot, though.
01:14:26.000 I wonder if he still bleaches it. 1.00
01:14:27.000 He probably overdosed on pussy. 1.00
01:14:28.000 That song was too good for a man like that. 1.00
01:14:30.000 He's out there with that fucking awesome song in the world. 1.00
01:14:33.000 You know, out of nowhere, boom, a tsunami of hot pussy comes at you because of your wonderful music. 1.00
01:14:39.000 Probably couldn't handle it. 1.00
01:14:41.000 Who could blame the fella?
01:14:43.000 That's what I always assume.
01:14:44.000 When anything happens and a dude gets off track, You know, like someone who you really used to enjoy and they get off track. 0.98
01:14:50.000 You always feel like it's some Jan Michael Vincent tsunami of pussy who just threw him off track. 1.00
01:14:56.000 Partied way too hard. 1.00
01:14:58.000 Got way too fucked up. 0.97
01:15:00.000 You know, that's the argument that the people that are in counseling and in rehabilitation for alcohol and drugs, that's the argument that these people will always use. 1.00
01:15:10.000 It's the people that fall apart. 1.00
01:15:12.000 It's the people that take whatever and just blow their fucking heads out. 0.99
01:15:18.000 What they're missing is how many people are making life so much more interesting. 0.99
01:15:23.000 Can you imagine how much less interesting life would be if you were sober all the time?
01:15:28.000 Do you not understand? 0.98
01:15:29.000 There's some people that have never had a drunk fuck with their ex-girlfriend where you're like 23 years old and you text her in the middle of the night and she responds. 1.00
01:15:41.000 And you're like, what are you doing, you dirty bitch? 1.00
01:15:43.000 And she responds back, I'm waiting for you to come over here and fuck me. 1.00
01:15:45.000 And you're like, oh shit, it's on! 1.00
01:15:49.000 And you go there and you're like, you know, you've probably been broken up for a long time. 1.00
01:15:52.000 You never expected to fuck her. 1.00
01:15:54.000 And on top of it, she's just as drunk as you. 1.00
01:15:57.000 And this doesn't mean anything.
01:15:59.000 No, it doesn't mean nothing.
01:16:00.000 It doesn't mean we're getting back together.
01:16:01.000 Nope, nope.
01:16:02.000 We're just doing this, right?
01:16:03.000 And boom. 0.96
01:16:04.000 You don't do that without being drunk.
01:16:06.000 That's one of the most beautiful moments in life.
01:16:08.000 And you don't even get there without being drunk.
01:16:10.000 Because if you're not drunk, then you go, listen, she's just not for what I'm looking for right now.
01:16:14.000 And even though my emotions are telling me to go visit her, my rational mind is saying, this is not a smart move.
01:16:20.000 I gotta just move on.
01:16:21.000 I gotta be positive. 0.95
01:16:22.000 I gotta get my shit done. 0.97
01:16:23.000 You have a couple shots of Jack Daniels. 1.00
01:16:25.000 You start fucking thinking crazy. 1.00
01:16:27.000 You have a tequila. 1.00
01:16:29.000 You want to do one more tequila?
01:16:30.000 I'm not scared.
01:16:31.000 And that fourth tequila hits.
01:16:32.000 Boom. 1.00
01:16:32.000 Let me just text this bitch real quick. 1.00
01:16:35.000 Do you know how many people would not have that moment if it wasn't for alcohol? 0.99
01:16:39.000 So how could you say just because a few people die, the rest of us shouldn't live awesome lives?
01:16:45.000 Flavored by alcohol.
01:16:47.000 You know? 0.99
01:16:48.000 A lot of the fun shit that happens is flavored by alcohol. 1.00
01:16:51.000 People need to accept it's a great drug. 0.99
01:16:53.000 It's not the best.
01:16:54.000 No, it's not. 1.00
01:16:55.000 But it's good for a lot of shit. 0.99
01:16:57.000 And it makes things fun sometimes. 0.99
01:16:58.000 It definitely opens up doors that you normally wouldn't open because of whatever reason.
01:17:03.000 That's why you're dancing. 0.95
01:17:04.000 Yeah, having a fucking great time too, by the way. 0.99
01:17:07.000 Dancing, having a great time. 0.99
01:17:09.000 You know? 0.59
01:17:10.000 Laughing your ass off. 0.91
01:17:11.000 High-fiving your friends. 0.79
01:17:12.000 You know?
01:17:13.000 Hammered.
01:17:14.000 It's not bad.
01:17:15.000 It's not bad.
01:17:16.000 You've got to be careful of your health.
01:17:18.000 You've got to drink a lot of water.
01:17:19.000 You've got to make sure you don't do it too often.
01:17:21.000 You don't want to jolt your system.
01:17:22.000 You want to give yourself plenty of time to recover.
01:17:24.000 Take your vitamins. 1.00
01:17:25.000 But every now and then, don't be a pussy. 1.00
01:17:27.000 Have a drink. 1.00
01:17:28.000 Come on, man.
01:17:30.000 Just a little shoddy poo here or there. 0.71
01:17:32.000 Shoddy poo.
01:17:33.000 It's one of the things I always respected about Anthony Bourdain.
01:17:36.000 Quit heroin.
01:17:37.000 Didn't quit booze.
01:17:39.000 I blacked out in Japan every night I was there, I think. 1.00
01:17:41.000 I fucking... 0.99
01:17:42.000 That last night, I went super deep. 1.00
01:17:45.000 I got discipline, son.
01:17:47.000 I know how to use it.
01:17:48.000 I know when it's not time for me to get drunk. 0.99
01:17:51.000 I was doing the robot in a packed nightclub in Japan just because I knew no one would say shit to me. 0.99
01:17:56.000 But it was nice. 1.00
01:17:58.000 My time was so fucked up. 0.99
01:18:01.000 We just got in, for folks who don't realize. 0.98
01:18:04.000 We got in yesterday.
01:18:05.000 I'm feeling it this time.
01:18:06.000 I didn't feel it going there, but I feel it coming back.
01:18:10.000 Yesterday, I just couldn't.
01:18:11.000 I woke up today at 7 a.m., Yeah, it's completely confusing.
01:18:15.000 Your brain is like, what is going down here?
01:18:17.000 You know what helps?
01:18:19.000 Melatonin.
01:18:20.000 Melatonin is great for resetting you.
01:18:22.000 It's a natural thing.
01:18:24.000 It's natural, but don't go to Dubai with it.
01:18:27.000 Oh, the sleeping thing.
01:18:30.000 It's a natural supplement.
01:18:31.000 I don't know how they make it. 0.93
01:18:32.000 I'm saying it's a natural supplement as if I've fucking looked into it deeply, but quite honestly, I've just used it. 0.93
01:18:37.000 I use green tea extract. 0.96
01:18:39.000 That has caffeine in it, Brian.
01:18:42.000 Are you serious?
01:18:43.000 For relaxation.
01:18:44.000 Do you really?
01:18:44.000 Not for sleeping.
01:18:46.000 Okay.
01:18:46.000 You relax with caffeine?
01:18:48.000 You just drink so much caffeine. 1.00
01:18:49.000 The caffeine that's in green tea can't fuck with the shit that you get from a 30 ounce Starbucks. 1.00
01:18:54.000 That green tea extract. 1.00
01:18:55.000 Blast of lava.
01:18:55.000 What's it called?
01:18:56.000 It's not green tea.
01:18:57.000 It's the other one.
01:18:58.000 It's some leaf, green leaf extract.
01:19:03.000 You don't even know what you take.
01:19:04.000 You just grab things and barely stay awake and just take them. 0.99
01:19:07.000 I buy my shit on Amazon and just keep on rebuying it. 0.99
01:19:10.000 Have you ever thought I'm getting on Adderall or some shit just to see if it's for you? 1.00
01:19:13.000 Adderall? 0.98
01:19:14.000 No.
01:19:15.000 I don't think I need that.
01:19:16.000 Well, I might need it a little bit, but I've tried Adderall before and it just felt like cocaine to me.
01:19:21.000 Really?
01:19:22.000 Yeah.
01:19:22.000 It didn't help anything.
01:19:27.000 If you went to a doctor, though, I bet they'd give it to you.
01:19:29.000 Yeah, but see, you've experienced me mostly super stoned out of my mind. 0.98
01:19:35.000 Like, retarded stoned. 1.00
01:19:36.000 I just smoked, like, I don't know how much weed. 0.98
01:19:39.000 Well, we had to.
01:19:40.000 We had to hold up.
01:19:41.000 I mean, when you're with me...
01:19:41.000 We had to represent.
01:19:42.000 We were having a podcast with B-Real from Cypress Hill.
01:19:45.000 I love B-Real.
01:19:47.000 And we had classic stoner conversation, talking about things that scared the fuck out of us, talking about crazy animals in other countries.
01:19:55.000 Where are you going, fella? 0.89
01:19:56.000 Oh, well you just got up in the middle of us talking.
01:19:59.000 Didn't even say, I'm going to go get some water.
01:20:01.000 So for folks who are tuning into this and like, what happened to the other part of the podcast?
01:20:05.000 The Be Real podcast accidentally got onto Red Band's channel.
01:20:10.000 You know, no big deal. 0.99
01:20:12.000 He just fucked up. 1.00
01:20:13.000 Again. 1.00
01:20:13.000 But it's alright. 1.00
01:20:16.000 But it's totally going to be available.
01:20:18.000 You can't watch it.
01:20:21.000 Live, obviously, because it's over.
01:20:23.000 Ah!
01:20:23.000 But it'll be available on the Ustream page, and it'll also be available on the Vimeo page, which is...
01:20:30.000 Whatever it is.
01:20:32.000 What is it?
01:20:32.000 Vimeo slash com?
01:20:34.000 Joe Rogan?
01:20:34.000 Yeah, Joe Rogan.
01:20:35.000 Just go to your website.
01:20:36.000 That's where you find all the videos.
01:20:37.000 Yeah, go to JoeRogan.net.
01:20:38.000 You can find everything.
01:20:39.000 We hung out with the starter and owner, and what is he of...
01:20:45.000 He's the founder of Ustream.
01:20:46.000 Yeah, he was cool. 0.99
01:20:47.000 Yeah, Brad was cool as fuck. 0.98
01:20:48.000 So nice. 0.98
01:20:48.000 And Ohio State Buckeye. 0.98
01:20:49.000 Yeah, very good dude.
01:20:50.000 He was a fun guy to hang out with.
01:20:53.000 Wish we had more time to hang out with him.
01:20:55.000 He was cool.
01:20:56.000 Wish I had more time.
01:20:57.000 We'll meet him again.
01:20:58.000 You think so?
01:20:59.000 Yeah.
01:20:59.000 Wow, that'd be awesome.
01:21:00.000 He also...
01:21:01.000 I don't want to say that.
01:21:03.000 What?
01:21:04.000 Secrets?
01:21:04.000 No.
01:21:06.000 Do you want to smoke some weed from this new bong?
01:21:08.000 No, I'm scared.
01:21:09.000 That's the jet pipe thing?
01:21:10.000 Why would you want more weed right now?
01:21:12.000 That doesn't even make sense, unless you're trying to do some product endorsement type thing.
01:21:15.000 They were nice to send it.
01:21:17.000 Well, just tell everybody about it, then.
01:21:18.000 The jet water pipe.
01:21:19.000 This is a jet bong that these two guys, or I think two guys, are friends, and they decided to start a company.
01:21:25.000 We talked about it before.
01:21:26.000 They made a Dyson vacuum cleaner type bong, meaning they just engineered it really well.
01:21:32.000 When you hit it, you don't pull it.
01:21:34.000 You push it down.
01:21:35.000 Well, what it is is you don't have to put your finger over a hole anymore.
01:21:38.000 They've eliminated that and they figured out a way to do it mechanically with a little spring.
01:21:43.000 The only question that I had was that the bowl was made out of...
01:21:46.000 What is that stuff?
01:21:48.000 What is the stuff that bowl is made out of?
01:21:49.000 I don't know.
01:21:50.000 It's interesting.
01:21:50.000 It looks like it's acrylic, right?
01:21:52.000 It's something weird.
01:21:53.000 Yeah, I would say acrylic.
01:21:54.000 Well, is that okay to light on fire and smoke?
01:21:56.000 I don't know.
01:21:57.000 Because I would wonder.
01:21:58.000 I'm sure they probably figured that out.
01:22:00.000 I would hope, but I don't know.
01:22:02.000 You know, you never know.
01:22:03.000 And the other question would be, if they didn't, would it be possible to make something that would fit in there that was made out of glass?
01:22:10.000 Well, you wouldn't have that issue.
01:22:12.000 Yeah.
01:22:13.000 Because somebody brought that up.
01:22:13.000 I didn't even think about it.
01:22:14.000 Somebody brought it up on the message board.
01:22:16.000 Why would acrylic be bad to light, though?
01:22:20.000 It's plastic.
01:22:21.000 Why would it be good to breathe melted plastic?
01:22:24.000 Well, I don't think it melts.
01:22:25.000 I think that's the point.
01:22:26.000 It may not, but what if it gets some sort of a chemical residue on your marijuana?
01:22:30.000 Is that possible?
01:22:31.000 I don't think so.
01:22:31.000 I think it is.
01:22:32.000 I'm sure they wouldn't choose that if it was.
01:22:33.000 I would say they wouldn't either, but you know, sometimes it takes a long time before people find out things do fucked up things to them.
01:22:39.000 Like, for instance, it took them a while before they figured out that if you have plastic bottles of water in the sun, that it actually can...
01:22:49.000 Are you doing that on camera so that you...
01:22:52.000 So what?
01:22:53.000 I got a license.
01:22:54.000 So you look cool?
01:22:54.000 No, I was just showing the release thing.
01:22:56.000 So I didn't have to pull out the pipe like a normal bong.
01:23:01.000 the folks that are only listening to this on audio is that it's got some sort of a thing on the bottom where you can clear out the whole bong by hitting a little, you pull down like a little lever.
01:23:10.000 But I mean, I would assume that if sun and bottled water, if the plastic can emit chemicals and it gets in your bottled water when you leave it in the sun, then I would think that if you're heating up weed over some plastic or acrylic, whatever...
01:23:28.000 I mean, is it technically plastic?
01:23:29.000 I guess it is.
01:23:29.000 I don't even know what it is.
01:23:30.000 I don't know what it is either.
01:23:31.000 But I would think that that's not good.
01:23:33.000 I didn't even think of it until somebody pointed it out.
01:23:35.000 By the way, the company on their website says that the bowl is ceramic coated and it works fine.
01:23:42.000 And you can also have 14mm glass on glass attachments.
01:23:46.000 So they tell you the size of the attachment.
01:23:49.000 You can actually put glass attachments on there if you wanted to use it.
01:23:51.000 Problem solved.
01:23:52.000 There you go.
01:23:53.000 Yeah, I would think that glass would be the way to do it because you know the glass is not going to melt.
01:23:58.000 Give you some residue. 0.99
01:23:59.000 Isn't it amazing that they make glass with fucking heat? 0.99
01:24:01.000 Think about how goddamn hot it has to be. 0.99
01:24:03.000 When was the last time you saw glass melt because you had a candle over it? 0.99
01:24:07.000 It would be hot as fuck to melt glass. 0.96
01:24:12.000 Oh, and I was thinking about the amino acid found in green tea earlier that I take. 0.99
01:24:15.000 It's ithenine.
01:24:17.000 Oh, so it's an extract.
01:24:19.000 Yeah, yeah.
01:24:19.000 That's what I was thinking.
01:24:20.000 I never heard of that.
01:24:21.000 But melatonin, apparently, there's a woman, I think she was an executive of Brillstein Grey, something like that, some big production company or something like that, and she was going over to Dubai for business, and she got arrested for having melatonin in her suitcase.
01:24:37.000 Like, they viewed melatonin as a drug.
01:24:40.000 And another guy got arrested because there was some sort of an issue with his visa, so they made him take a drug test, and he tested positive for poppy seeds because he had a bagel, a poppy seed bagel, and that's testing positive for heroin.
01:24:55.000 Yeah.
01:24:56.000 Poppy and heroin, like you can be arrested for eating poppy seeds.
01:25:00.000 Yeah, but you have to eat a lot.
01:25:02.000 I forget the lady who got it, some Olympic chick, I think. 1.00
01:25:06.000 Where she ate like two or three bagels a day or something like that, and that's why she came up for that.
01:25:11.000 I don't think that's true, Brian.
01:25:12.000 I think the new sophisticated tests...
01:25:14.000 Well, this was like 10 years ago when this happened.
01:25:16.000 Yeah, okay.
01:25:17.000 Okay.
01:25:17.000 But anyway, whatever it happened, this guy got in trouble for a poppy seed bagel.
01:25:21.000 And then another guy got arrested because he had a particle of weed stuck to the bottom of his shoe.
01:25:26.000 And they detected it, some Rastafarian-looking dude. 0.93
01:25:29.000 And they arrested him. 0.96
01:25:31.000 Like, they do not fuck around in some countries when it comes to their drug laws. 0.98
01:25:36.000 So don't be going over there with melatonin. 0.96
01:25:38.000 Isn't it weird that we don't take off our shoes? 0.98
01:25:41.000 We walk around, we step on shit, we step on weed, we step on needles, we step on everything. 0.98
01:25:45.000 Then we go and step on our carpet, and then we have our kids climb on that carpet with nothing on it. 0.99
01:25:49.000 Isn't that crazy?
01:25:51.000 That's why Japanese take off their shoes in their houses. 1.00
01:25:53.000 They're smarter.
01:25:54.000 Meanwhile, they're all walking around with masks on.
01:25:56.000 Yeah, that's smarter.
01:25:57.000 Is it?
01:25:57.000 Yeah.
01:25:58.000 No.
01:25:58.000 Do you know why?
01:25:59.000 Remember?
01:25:59.000 Yeah.
01:26:00.000 Yeah.
01:26:00.000 Cedar trees, for folks who don't know because they weren't there with us.
01:26:03.000 They planted a lot of, according to our driver, this is, and we've done no outside research whatsoever, but he said the reason why all these people were in surgical masks, a big part of it was hay fever that they got from cedar allergies.
01:26:16.000 Like hay fever, cedar, some sort of a cedar allergy.
01:26:18.000 And that cedar trees were introduced to Japan after World War II and as many as 30% of Japanese people are allergic to cedar.
01:26:27.000 And that's because in the war they burned down their houses and the big fire of Japan and they had to rebuild all their houses.
01:26:36.000 Planted those trees because they had so many houses to rebuild.
01:26:40.000 To make.
01:26:40.000 And people are allergic to cedar.
01:26:41.000 It's really crazy.
01:26:42.000 And also, it was because they also feel that if you have a cold, if you are going to work sneezing a little, that you should wear one.
01:26:50.000 That's your responsibility.
01:26:51.000 And it's rude if you sneeze without one of these on.
01:26:55.000 So that's why it's weird walking around.
01:26:58.000 Probably 30 or 40% of the people look like they just had those masks on.
01:27:02.000 Oh yeah.
01:27:02.000 It's weird.
01:27:03.000 It's very different than us. 0.99
01:27:05.000 Again, their culture is like you have to take care of your own shit and you're much more polite. 0.99
01:27:10.000 We saw no homeless people whatsoever. 0.99
01:27:11.000 Yeah, none.
01:27:12.000 Zero.
01:27:13.000 It was really interesting.
01:27:14.000 And the cops are on these little stations and they just sit at a desk like a help desk.
01:27:18.000 Kind of like when you go to a mall and they have that little desk.
01:27:21.000 That's kind of like I got lost at one point.
01:27:24.000 And I wasted.
01:27:25.000 Went to this cop and he drew me a map.
01:27:26.000 He spoke no English.
01:27:28.000 I spoke no Japanese.
01:27:29.000 And he knew what I was trying to do.
01:27:31.000 And sent me to the wrong hotel and I walked two extra miles.
01:27:34.000 But he still spent the time to draw me a map to the wrong hotel, at least.
01:27:38.000 Yeah, no, they're super helpful.
01:27:40.000 It's different. 0.99
01:27:41.000 Why don't you fucking move down there, queer? 1.00
01:27:43.000 I would. 1.00
01:27:44.000 I would move to Japan. 0.97
01:27:45.000 Yeah, you want gay fighters? 0.78
01:27:47.000 And you want to live in Japan? 1.00
01:27:48.000 Go be gay in Japan. 1.00
01:27:50.000 We met a lot of podcast fans that lived in Japan, which was so awesome. 0.96
01:27:54.000 Yeah, we did.
01:27:54.000 It was crazy.
01:27:54.000 Yeah, a lot of people that came to the fights.
01:27:56.000 Yeah.
01:27:56.000 That's one of the coolest things about the podcast.
01:27:57.000 It's available everywhere.
01:27:59.000 It's free.
01:27:59.000 Get it.
01:28:01.000 It's not a reach.
01:28:02.000 We make it as available as possible.
01:28:04.000 I'm so glad that we did that because it totally turned out to be the right move.
01:28:07.000 My mom saw me on TV. My mom was flipping through the channels and just happened to catch me on the fights in the audience on Spike or FX. What is it on now?
01:28:16.000 Yeah, FX. Yeah, FX. And my mom's like, holy shit, that's Brian right on the TV. And so she watched me.
01:28:21.000 But what was so funny is how quiet it was.
01:28:23.000 And one of the fans would go, Red Band!
01:28:26.000 And it was like everybody could hear it in the whole place.
01:28:28.000 And he goes, Olive Garden!
01:28:29.000 And everyone heard that.
01:28:31.000 That's how quiet it was at the UFC. Yeah, but you don't really...
01:28:34.000 You could not imagine, if you've never been to a Japanese sporting event, how quiet it can be while the fight is going on.
01:28:40.000 How respectful they are.
01:28:42.000 It's amazing.
01:28:42.000 Yeah, it's amazing.
01:28:44.000 Do you want to go back to Japan?
01:28:46.000 I do, but I like Brazil too, man. 0.93
01:28:47.000 Brazil, they go nuts, man. 1.00
01:28:49.000 That's wild too. 0.83
01:28:50.000 I don't know, man.
01:28:51.000 Brazil was fun.
01:28:52.000 People were very nice.
01:28:52.000 The food was fantastic.
01:28:54.000 People were really fun and friendly.
01:28:55.000 It was the total opposite as far as the outgoingness.
01:28:59.000 People were very outgoing and although very friendly as well in Brazil, just much more outgoing and loud and having fun and laughing a lot.
01:29:07.000 I might have more fun in Brazil than in Japan.
01:29:10.000 I'm on Team Japan, so...
01:29:12.000 You know, Brazil, they're not going to make you cover up your tattoos if you want to go swimming.
01:29:16.000 You know what I'm saying?
01:29:17.000 They're more laid back.
01:29:17.000 It's more my kind of place.
01:29:19.000 Although Japan was amazing, you know? 1.00
01:29:21.000 But overall, look, overall, one of the things about traveling, one of the things that I find out when I come back is America is the shit. 1.00
01:29:28.000 Shit. 1.00
01:29:28.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:29:29.000 What a great place to live.
01:29:30.000 There's so much cool stuff here as far as cool bands to see, cool art to see, cool comics to see, cool movies.
01:29:39.000 Everywhere you go, by the way, they're fucking American movies that are dubbed over in other countries.
01:29:43.000 I mean, in Japan, we went to the movie theater. 0.96
01:29:45.000 It was like four out of five movies were American movies that had been dubbed over in Japanese.
01:29:49.000 And all the posters were slightly changed, like the Mission Impossible poster looks slightly changed, I think, to make it look more like he was Japanese and stuff.
01:29:57.000 It was awesome.
01:29:58.000 Well, he was a little bit in the shadows, a little bit. 0.70
01:30:00.000 But look, it's fucking awesome, awesome hanging out there, no doubt. 0.99
01:30:06.000 But America's my favorite fucking country ever. 1.00
01:30:09.000 Even though it's fucked up and corrupt and filled with cunts at the very top, what it embodies as far as what we're capable of producing is You know, America produces some fucking fun shit. 1.00
01:30:20.000 A lot of fun art, man. 1.00
01:30:22.000 Like, what I told you when I saw Honey Honey last night, I was like, God damn, this is like a, they're like such an American, badass, creative band, but it's so, like, the style is so American.
01:30:34.000 You know, there's so many good parts of this country, you know, as far as, like, stand-up comedy goes, and it's like, you know, movies and artwork. 0.92
01:30:45.000 Stop that, Brian. 0.99
01:30:47.000 But we're run by cunts. 0.99
01:30:51.000 It's like, you gotta figure out a way to balance that out. 0.99
01:30:53.000 I wonder if that's the only way you can get so many crazy, wild, creative people in a spot. 0.99
01:30:58.000 You have to have it be run like cunts. 0.98
01:31:01.000 And the cunts that run it, they suppress everybody, and then art just blossoms out of that suppression, left and right. 0.97
01:31:06.000 Because when I go to a place like Japan that's so polite and so nice, and they're so disciplined, and I'm like, man, yeah, but when was the last time you saw how many people were lining up for Japanese stand-up comedy? 0.88
01:31:17.000 I mean, is it really popular all over the world?
01:31:20.000 Is there master Japanese musicians that we don't know about?
01:31:24.000 You know, I mean, why is it everywhere we're going we're listening to American music? 0.88
01:31:28.000 Is it that the way to get really popular, really exciting artwork is to suppress the youth early on so they're fighting against it and that's where rock and roll comes, rebellion, and that's where the truth that very few people would have the balls to say. 0.78
01:31:46.000 Is that where it comes from?
01:31:47.000 Does it come from fighting against someone who's suppressing you?
01:31:49.000 And does it not come naturally when everybody is respectful like the Japanese?
01:31:53.000 I don't know.
01:31:54.000 I'm just asking.
01:31:55.000 I'm just trying to be like a social scientist, checking this all out.
01:31:57.000 But it is fascinating when you see, like, there's no way of making a Joey Diaz in Japan.
01:32:02.000 You know what I'm saying?
01:32:03.000 That would be kind of cool to see, though.
01:32:05.000 Would you like to see it? 0.99
01:32:06.000 Japanese Joey Diaz here, cocksucker. 1.00
01:32:09.000 yeah hi hi hi hi hi hi my left nut dick listen where's the weed on I don't care if it's illegal down here, cocksucker. 1.00
01:32:17.000 I know you got it. 0.99
01:32:17.000 it no it's 2012 nobody surviving without weed dog nobody not a spot in the globe hi hi hi hi as polite as possible I need to help you that would be funny if he went to a different sounding high like his voice got really high high high high as it goes on Yeah, that really sucks that Joey can't go to other countries because of his record when he was young. 0.99
01:32:45.000 Can you imagine him in Japan?
01:32:46.000 That would be so amazing.
01:32:47.000 Well, I would like to bring him to England.
01:32:48.000 They would never have him in England, and they wouldn't have him in Canada.
01:32:51.000 No way.
01:32:52.000 Canada is really strict.
01:32:54.000 Right. 0.99
01:32:55.000 You know, Canada is like a boat over a sea of douchebags. 1.00
01:32:58.000 I'm glad I can still go there. 0.78
01:33:01.000 I mean, and again, ladies and gentlemen of America, I just told you how much I love America. 0.80
01:33:05.000 America's not all douchebags.
01:33:06.000 It's a small percentage, but there's a lot of us. 0.95
01:33:09.000 So if there's 300 million people and 10% of the people are douchebags, do the math. 1.00
01:33:12.000 That's a lot of goddamn douchebags. 1.00
01:33:14.000 You know, would you want that bubbling underneath you, sneaking across the borders to fuck your women, light things on fire, then sneak back over in the night? 1.00
01:33:22.000 No. 1.00
01:33:23.000 Gotta check out people's fucking records. 1.00
01:33:26.000 And anybody even remotely shady. 1.00
01:33:27.000 Canada's like, nah, we're good.
01:33:29.000 We're good.
01:33:29.000 Drunk driver, nah, nah, nah, we're good.
01:33:32.000 I only did it once.
01:33:33.000 Yep, that's okay.
01:33:35.000 Bye.
01:33:36.000 Bye, go back home.
01:33:37.000 Get out of here. 1.00
01:33:38.000 You're a crazy person. 1.00
01:33:39.000 You're affiliated with crazy activity. 1.00
01:33:41.000 You fucked something up. 0.99
01:33:44.000 Too bad we couldn't do comedy in Japan. 0.98
01:33:46.000 Would have been fascinating, but we might have got arrested.
01:33:48.000 When we start talking about flinging loads on the hotel, they're like, you?
01:33:52.000 Which hotel are you staying?
01:33:54.000 You know, you talk, and all the people would be thinking, like, oh my god, what if I'm staying in the hotel where this guy's flinging loads in the walls?
01:34:00.000 Right?
01:34:01.000 So maybe they would arrest you.
01:34:03.000 They would arrest you.
01:34:03.000 Don't say that, Brian.
01:34:05.000 Oh, really?
01:34:06.000 No, I'm responsible for you. 1.00
01:34:07.000 I'm taking care of your fucking hotel room. 1.00
01:34:10.000 It's under my credit card. 1.00
01:34:12.000 Don't go around saying that you defiled.
01:34:14.000 Okay, well, You make it clear that you didn't.
01:34:16.000 I didn't.
01:34:17.000 It goes out on the internet.
01:34:17.000 I definitely did not Spider-Man in Japan.
01:34:20.000 Don't ever do that.
01:34:21.000 Not when you're staying with me.
01:34:22.000 I don't want to get arrested.
01:34:23.000 Some maid walks in at the exact moment and she has her eye open when your load falls from the ceiling and she doesn't expect and it drops right in her eye.
01:34:32.000 And she gets eye aids.
01:34:34.000 A treat.
01:34:34.000 Yeah.
01:34:35.000 A treat for my face. 1.00
01:34:36.000 She gets some eye aids from your dirty, rotten cum. 1.00
01:34:40.000 Six-hour cum. 1.00
01:34:41.000 Long, dead sperms. 0.99
01:34:43.000 How long do sperms live outside the body? 0.56
01:34:44.000 I don't know, but I need to find that. 1.00
01:34:46.000 Can you shoot a load on a girl's tits and could she stuff it in her pussy and get pregnant? 1.00
01:34:50.000 Yeah, see, I always wondered about that. 1.00
01:34:52.000 Like, there was definitely times where, like, in the past where, like, I would have sex and then, like, I would, like, take off the condom and just throw it on the ground or something like that.
01:35:00.000 Uh-oh. 0.53
01:35:01.000 And then I thought, like, I just left her house. 1.00
01:35:03.000 What if she took that cum and she wanted a baby so much that she just, like, started stuffing it in her pussy? 1.00
01:35:07.000 I know a girl who did that. 1.00
01:35:09.000 Really?
01:35:09.000 Yeah.
01:35:10.000 It was a sister of a girl that I knew.
01:35:12.000 Yeah.
01:35:13.000 She actually did that. 0.95
01:35:14.000 She saved the condom and she tried to stuff it back inside of her body after it left. 0.97
01:35:19.000 That's crazy.
01:35:19.000 How long does it last?
01:35:20.000 She stuffed it back and she told her sister.
01:35:22.000 She stuffed it in her body after the guy left.
01:35:25.000 Wow. 0.99
01:35:26.000 How long does sperm live after ejaculation?
01:35:28.000 Let's find out, shall we?
01:35:29.000 It says, The lifespan of sperm after ejaculation depends on environmental conditions. 0.62
01:35:34.000 Sperm ejaculated into a woman's vagina can live in a woman's reproductive tract for up to five days or perhaps even longer. 0.99
01:35:42.000 Five days? 0.89
01:35:42.000 Fertilization is possible as long as the sperm remains alive. 0.89
01:35:47.000 I need to make a phone call real quick.
01:35:49.000 Ejaculated outside the body may only survive minutes to a few hours.
01:35:54.000 May survive only minutes to a few hours. 0.84
01:35:57.000 So, if you've got some crazy survivor man sperm, they might be able to last for hours, and she could scoop it out of her condom and stuff it in her box, and then you've got a baby, whether you like it or not. 0.91
01:36:09.000 All she needs is a turkey baster. 1.00
01:36:11.000 Stick it up in your little twat and that's it. 1.00
01:36:15.000 So you gotta tie up your sperm. 1.00
01:36:16.000 You know what you should do? 0.99
01:36:17.000 You should have a sacrifice. 1.00
01:36:18.000 You should bring lighter fluid every time you fuck so it'd be such a badass move. 1.00
01:36:22.000 After you fucking go, you pull the condom off, you tie it at the end, you throw it in the sink, you throw lighter fluid on it, and you throw a match on it. 0.99
01:36:29.000 You walk away with your back to it. 1.00
01:36:32.000 Or tie it in the condom and just bite it and burst it in your mouth. 0.98
01:36:35.000 No, you've got to turn your back like that scene in Wolverine where you blew up the car behind them. 0.88
01:36:39.000 Explosion, like the Fear Factor demos where they had me standing there and there's an explosion behind me.
01:36:43.000 I'm supposed to look like, no big deal.
01:36:46.000 There's just an explosion behind me.
01:36:48.000 Dun, dun, dun.
01:36:49.000 Part of one of the things that I was doing when I was doing those promos, I was doing a couple of them, I was thinking, God, I can't wait because if this show gets canceled, I have so much new material.
01:37:00.000 My God.
01:37:01.000 It's one of the reasons why I can't wait for two things.
01:37:03.000 One, I can't wait until I start my new special.
01:37:07.000 Because on April 20th in Atlanta, I've decided I'm going to do my special.
01:37:14.000 That's cool.
01:37:14.000 That's where I'm going to film it.
01:37:15.000 Yeah.
01:37:15.000 It should be fun.
01:37:16.000 And when I decided that, I decided, well, as soon as Fear Factors officially fucking... 0.90
01:37:23.000 It's totally, absolutely canceled. 0.79
01:37:25.000 When will you know it?
01:37:26.000 I think it is. 0.98
01:37:27.000 I've gotten an email from them saying that it is, but I don't know if I can talk shit about it yet. 0.98
01:37:32.000 You probably can. 0.95
01:37:33.000 You probably have a three-year clause.
01:37:35.000 I don't know.
01:37:35.000 I have to find out.
01:37:36.000 And it wouldn't be shit, negative shit, but it would be. 0.99
01:37:40.000 There's so many interesting things to talk about. 0.99
01:37:44.000 It was a fascinating thing to do.
01:37:47.000 This was one of the weirder seasons.
01:37:50.000 Like, while I was doing a lot of things, I was like, wow, I can't wait to talk about this. 0.99
01:37:53.000 This was fucking nuts. 0.98
01:37:55.000 Behind-the-scenes nuts. 1.00
01:37:56.000 All of it.
01:37:57.000 Just weird. 0.98
01:37:58.000 Just a fucking weird gig, man. 0.96
01:38:00.000 To do it again after five years was so surreal. 0.98
01:38:04.000 And if it's not canceled, I'm going to be forced to do more of them.
01:38:09.000 I'd be happy just to have everybody back together and do a show that I think some people liked.
01:38:14.000 But if it doesn't do it, I'm happy with that too.
01:38:17.000 Even though it's a great job, it's still a job.
01:38:20.000 There's such a difference between doing a podcast, doing stand-up comedy, and doing the UFC, and then doing a job.
01:38:27.000 When you go and do a job, it's awesome to have this job. 0.97
01:38:29.000 Like, holy shit, what a great job. 0.97
01:38:31.000 But man, there's nothing like living a life where you just follow your passions. 0.99
01:38:36.000 One of the things I started realizing when I started doing Fairfax, I was like, damn, I already had it nailed. 0.65
01:38:41.000 I already had it where I was like, everything I was doing, I enjoyed. 0.89
01:38:44.000 I wasn't really working.
01:38:46.000 My time was committed to doing all this cool stuff, but in fact, none of it was working.
01:38:52.000 Although I take my job at the UFC very seriously, and it's an honor to work there, and I love calling fights.
01:38:57.000 I don't even like other sports.
01:39:00.000 That's how much I love doing it.
01:39:01.000 It's still...
01:39:03.000 When I get there and do it, it never feels like work.
01:39:07.000 Never.
01:39:10.000 There's never a moment when a fight's about to begin where I wish I was somewhere else. 0.90
01:39:14.000 It's so fucking fun and crazy.
01:39:17.000 So to be able to do that, that's a job, and then stand-up comedy, same thing. 0.65
01:39:21.000 How much fun is stand-up?
01:39:23.000 You know?
01:39:23.000 It's that you're doing it now.
01:39:24.000 You know what it's like.
01:39:25.000 It's fun as hell.
01:39:27.000 The act of making people laugh, you're making them feel better.
01:39:31.000 You're making them happy.
01:39:33.000 You're giving them like a charge of good energy.
01:39:36.000 You know?
01:39:36.000 And I'm addicted to it too.
01:39:38.000 There's nothing more fun than watching like your friends kill and your fucking... 1.00
01:39:43.000 Howling at some new bit. 1.00
01:39:44.000 And you're like, oh shit, did you hear his new bit? 1.00
01:39:47.000 Like, Duncan fucking floored me. 0.99
01:39:49.000 I don't want to say the bit. 0.98
01:39:50.000 I don't want to say the bit because I want people to see it this weekend.
01:39:53.000 I don't want to even give up the premise because it's one of those when you start giving up the premise, you give up a lot of the power of the joke. 0.98
01:39:58.000 But goddamn, I heard it and I was like, holy fuck, that's good. 0.99
01:40:02.000 I love comedy. 1.00
01:40:05.000 It's the most fun fucking thing. 0.99
01:40:06.000 It really is. 0.99
01:40:07.000 We're so lucky.
01:40:08.000 It makes you wonder if we're in the Matrix.
01:40:10.000 It makes you wonder.
01:40:11.000 Maybe we're like Joey Pants and we just made some fucking crazy deal to have, alright, I want to work, but I want everything to be cool.
01:40:19.000 Everything I do is going to be fun. 0.98
01:40:21.000 No jobs that suck.
01:40:24.000 It's impossible for everybody to do that, though.
01:40:27.000 That's a real problem. 0.99
01:40:28.000 You can't have a society based on everybody doing awesome shit. 0.99
01:40:31.000 Unless, what everybody's awesome shit varies, right? 0.99
01:40:35.000 Like some people, it's got to be awesome to work at In-N-Out Burger. 0.96
01:40:39.000 You know what I mean?
01:40:40.000 Or no, right? 0.99
01:40:41.000 Because that's, like, part of the process of becoming whoever the fuck you want to become. 0.99
01:40:46.000 You have to go through some shit menial jobs to kind of understand what labor is really like. 0.99
01:40:50.000 Or find out what you want to do. 0.99
01:40:53.000 I think that's more of it.
01:40:54.000 Like, I grew up most of my life, like, what do I want to do, really?
01:40:57.000 Like, I like to draw.
01:40:58.000 That's all I like?
01:40:59.000 That's all I can say?
01:41:01.000 Right. 1.00
01:41:02.000 I have to thank a fucking high school art teacher for being a douchebag. 1.00
01:41:05.000 Because if it wasn't for him being a douchebag, I probably never would have became a fighter or a comic. 1.00
01:41:10.000 You know, I wanted to be an artist. 0.94
01:41:11.000 But my high school art teacher was such a clam.
01:41:14.000 Imagine rewinding your life and you living your life as an artist.
01:41:17.000 What if you were like... 1.00
01:41:19.000 Badass, crazy artist. 1.00
01:41:21.000 I would have enjoyed it. 0.99
01:41:21.000 Look, I think I would have enjoyed life, period. 0.99
01:41:24.000 But I definitely would have.
01:41:25.000 I think one of the most important things for me, for my body type, my brain type, is to find some exertion.
01:41:32.000 Martial arts.
01:41:33.000 Something where I physically exert myself.
01:41:35.000 Yoga.
01:41:36.000 Something where I figure out something to center my body.
01:41:40.000 The only thing that I would ever worry about doing something like being an artist is that you're sitting at a desk a lot of hours.
01:41:47.000 You're all upside down.
01:41:49.000 No.
01:41:49.000 Fine.
01:41:50.000 Stop it.
01:41:51.000 I feel it when I write. 0.96
01:41:52.000 When I write for a couple days in a row when I'm working on some shit, I feel like after sitting in front of a computer for a long period of time, I feel super uncomfortable. 0.99
01:42:00.000 My neck starts fucking cracking. 0.99
01:42:02.000 I start moving and popping shit. 1.00
01:42:04.000 Just not healthy. 0.99
01:42:06.000 Yeah.
01:42:06.000 You remember when we were coming back and we were looking at these guys in LA? When you land, there's the TSA, they have a goddamn laboratory out where they're checking your food.
01:42:16.000 The contrast between the way they are in Japan and the way they are in America is really stark. 0.95
01:42:21.000 It's really obvious. 0.99
01:42:22.000 They had microscopes and shit and beakers and refrigerators. 0.99
01:42:27.000 It was really nuts. 0.99
01:42:29.000 They were testing things and pulling people's strawberries apart, chopping them up and throwing them into some fucking blender, pouring things on them. 0.98
01:42:37.000 I don't know if it was a blender. 0.96
01:42:38.000 I think it was some kind of light that they were seeing how it reacts to a light to see if there's any growth on something.
01:42:43.000 Yeah, there was a little of that.
01:42:45.000 They poured a solution on it, too.
01:42:47.000 I don't know what the solution was.
01:42:48.000 But everybody's super suspicious.
01:42:51.000 They opened up every little piece of all these little people's luggage. 1.00
01:42:55.000 And it was always people, they looked like smaller, brownish sort of people. 1.00
01:43:01.000 They looked like they came from somewhere like South America, maybe, or Mexico or something like that.
01:43:05.000 Or Miami.
01:43:06.000 Or could be Miami.
01:43:07.000 Miami, they're tall and tan.
01:43:09.000 They're not as compact.
01:43:11.000 These were compact, hard-working people.
01:43:13.000 And they were checking their fruit. 0.99
01:43:15.000 They wanted to bring home some goddamn fruit. 0.99
01:43:17.000 But I don't think you're allowed to. 0.99
01:43:18.000 Yeah, they were cutting the fruit up and looking at every single piece.
01:43:21.000 It was so weird. 0.99
01:43:22.000 It's just so weird that we have fucking... 0.98
01:43:23.000 I mean, it's important, I guess, because the rest of the world is kind of wacky. 0.97
01:43:26.000 There's a lot of spots, like we were talking about Africa earlier, or any part of the world that's in turmoil right now.
01:43:33.000 You've got to make sure you're allowing good people to come over here. 0.98
01:43:37.000 You don't want a bunch of fucking nutbags to come over here and ruin what we've got, which is pretty sweet. 1.00
01:43:41.000 But, man, what a stark contrast it is to Japan. 0.99
01:43:45.000 Japan is so happy to see you.
01:43:46.000 Hello!
01:43:47.000 Hello!
01:43:48.000 You're like, yeah, I'm not a criminal.
01:43:49.000 You're right, I'm just coming here to work.
01:43:50.000 Thank you.
01:43:52.000 Oh, it's okay.
01:43:53.000 Yeah, my papers are in order.
01:43:54.000 No, I don't have any fruit.
01:43:56.000 Come on, man.
01:43:57.000 Ha ha ha.
01:43:58.000 Have a good day.
01:44:00.000 Everybody's super nice. 1.00
01:44:01.000 Why don't you go move there and suck all their dicks then? 1.00
01:44:04.000 Peace sign. 1.00
01:44:05.000 Bro. 0.99
01:44:06.000 Fucking love it. 0.99
01:44:07.000 I want to go back. 1.00
01:44:08.000 That flight's a motherfucker, though. 0.99
01:44:09.000 Remember tea, milk, or what did I drink? 1.00
01:44:14.000 Oh, yeah, milk tea.
01:44:15.000 Milk tea.
01:44:15.000 Don't get milk tea.
01:44:17.000 He grabbed something that looked like Thai iced coffee.
01:44:19.000 Yeah.
01:44:19.000 Thai iced coffee is delicious.
01:44:21.000 Yeah, delicious.
01:44:21.000 It looked like that.
01:44:22.000 It looked like this is probably like a chocolatey, delicious sort of coffee sweet.
01:44:26.000 Oh. 1.00
01:44:26.000 No, it was ass. 1.00
01:44:28.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:44:28.000 What did I say it tastes like? 1.00
01:44:29.000 It tastes like straight up mulch or something.
01:44:32.000 No, no, yeah.
01:44:32.000 It tastes like leaves.
01:44:33.000 Oh, 100% leaf.
01:44:37.000 Remember when we went and got sushi?
01:44:39.000 We had the freshest, most radioactive sushi.
01:44:42.000 So good.
01:44:43.000 It was delicious.
01:44:44.000 At first, we were all scared.
01:44:45.000 Like, don't eat fruits and vegetables.
01:44:47.000 We're like, yeah, let's not do that.
01:44:49.000 I was like, listen, man. 0.98
01:44:50.000 I'm just eating whatever the fuck I eat. 0.99
01:44:52.000 I take some potassium iodine and I'll be good. 0.99
01:44:55.000 He showed us also that our drivers showed us that Tokyo Tower is crooked at the very top.
01:44:59.000 It was crooked from there.
01:45:00.000 Well, there's wires to support it because the earthquake started falling over.
01:45:04.000 So they had to support it with wires. 0.97
01:45:06.000 Yeah, it's pretty fucking crazy.
01:45:08.000 The earthquake moved that thing. 0.94
01:45:10.000 Yeah, they have a lot of earthquakes there.
01:45:12.000 That is something that they have to deal with in Tokyo.
01:45:14.000 And Mount Fuji.
01:45:15.000 You know what Brian Callen told me?
01:45:16.000 It may or may not be true. 0.98
01:45:17.000 Brian Callen told me, it totally makes sense, that the reason why they used to have paper houses there is because they have so many monsoons and typhoons that you didn't want your fucking house falling on you and killing you in the middle of the night. 0.98
01:45:27.000 Wow, really? 0.94
01:45:28.000 Yeah, because they had no accurate way of predicting the weather.
01:45:30.000 So what they would do is they would just create very light houses.
01:45:33.000 So if you get hit in the head with some balsa wood and paper, you're going to live.
01:45:36.000 And that wakes you up.
01:45:37.000 And then you're like, oh, we gotta get out of here. 0.99
01:45:40.000 And then you go to an underground location or some shit. 1.00
01:45:42.000 Is that why Japanese girls have sex? 1.00
01:45:45.000 How do you know how Japanese girls have sex, Brian? 1.00
01:45:49.000 From porno. 1.00
01:45:49.000 Because the walls are so thin. 1.00
01:45:52.000 They had to sound like chipmunks or something outside because you would hear people have sex. 0.97
01:45:56.000 I was in my hotel room and I was slurping through the channels.
01:45:58.000 It was really interesting because it was all Japanese television.
01:46:01.000 But there was English menus and one of the menu items said pay.
01:46:07.000 So I said, alright, well this is either how to pay my hotel bill or it's movies.
01:46:12.000 And so I click on pay and it immediately opens up with a dude with an anonymous mask banging a chick.
01:46:20.000 And everything below the hips is blurry. 1.00
01:46:24.000 Like, you can't see her pussy. 1.00
01:46:26.000 You can't see his dick. 1.00
01:46:27.000 There's just a mass of blurriness there. 1.00
01:46:30.000 And he's just, like, hitting it, but he's not hitting it like he's got a big dick. 1.00
01:46:35.000 He's hitting it like he's got a little dick. 1.00
01:46:36.000 So he's hitting it hard, but the strokes are super small. 1.00
01:46:41.000 And he had a mask on.
01:46:42.000 So he has this mask on, and that's pay.
01:46:45.000 And that was on my bill.
01:46:47.000 I saw that was on my bill.
01:46:48.000 Pay.
01:46:48.000 Pay movie.
01:46:49.000 Yeah.
01:46:50.000 What?
01:46:50.000 I paid for that.
01:46:51.000 I didn't know what it was.
01:46:52.000 I thought I would get a menu.
01:46:53.000 When I go to the menu and it says, you know, here's your options.
01:46:56.000 This, this, pay.
01:46:57.000 Oh, that's hilarious.
01:46:58.000 I thought, oh, well, maybe there's some good movies you have to pay for.
01:47:01.000 It doesn't say adults.
01:47:03.000 It just says pay.
01:47:03.000 That's hilarious.
01:47:04.000 Yeah.
01:47:05.000 So I wound up watching this guy with an anonymous mask on.
01:47:08.000 How long was it on?
01:47:09.000 I only watched it for a few seconds before I'd come all over myself.
01:47:11.000 That's hilarious. 1.00
01:47:12.000 Screaming like a fucking Apache on a warpath. 0.99
01:47:18.000 I watched it, I set the TV at an angle, and I set the bidet on, and I just beat off and hit the ceiling. 0.99
01:47:25.000 No, I only watched it for...
01:47:26.000 I wasn't looking for it.
01:47:27.000 Get that on the internet. 0.99
01:47:28.000 Why would I watch their crappy porn? 1.00
01:47:30.000 That's stupid. 1.00
01:47:30.000 So crappy. 1.00
01:47:31.000 It was terrible. 1.00
01:47:33.000 You're not allowed to look at pussies. 1.00
01:47:34.000 It's like somehow or another, somebody tricked them into thinking that the thing you want to look at is bad. 0.99
01:47:38.000 But you can know what they're doing, but it has to be all blurry down there.
01:47:42.000 Like, wait a minute.
01:47:43.000 Pixelation?
01:47:44.000 I mean, was pixelation the green light for pornography?
01:47:46.000 Didn't they have pornography before pixelation was available? 0.87
01:47:48.000 What did they do? 1.00
01:47:49.000 Did they just never focus on the pussy? 1.00
01:47:51.000 Did one girl not like the way her pussy looked and she talked some fucking emperor into making it so it's a law? 1.00
01:47:56.000 You can't see a girl's pussy? 1.00
01:47:57.000 I think it's just disrespectful. 1.00
01:47:59.000 Is it? 1.00
01:47:59.000 Or is it dudes that are really ashamed of their tiny little dicks? 1.00
01:48:02.000 And so they just want it all blurred out. 0.99
01:48:04.000 It could be magic!
01:48:05.000 It could be giant!
01:48:07.000 You're right.
01:48:08.000 You know what I did watch this weekend?
01:48:09.000 It was pretty giant. 0.88
01:48:10.000 I saw the Kim Kardashian sex tape. 0.53
01:48:12.000 Somebody put it up on the message board.
01:48:13.000 I'd actually never seen it before.
01:48:15.000 Oh, that's great.
01:48:16.000 I never watched it.
01:48:16.000 It's pretty powerful.
01:48:17.000 Well, what's powerful is the size of that guy's cock. 1.00
01:48:19.000 Holy shit. 1.00
01:48:20.000 Yeah, because she really got fucked in it. 1.00
01:48:21.000 That's what I like about it. 1.00
01:48:22.000 That young man has a goddamn weapon. 1.00
01:48:24.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:48:25.000 He's got a big dick. 1.00
01:48:25.000 But she wasn't doing such a good job of sucking it. 1.00
01:48:27.000 She's mostly hands. 1.00
01:48:29.000 Who cares about that?
01:48:30.000 It's mostly trickery.
01:48:30.000 It's mostly trickery.
01:48:32.000 Why do you like blowjob videos? 1.00
01:48:33.000 Why do you care what anybody likes, you weirdo? 0.99
01:48:36.000 You get upset if somebody likes something that you don't like. 0.97
01:48:38.000 Blowjob videos? 0.93
01:48:39.000 Why do you like redheads? 1.00
01:48:39.000 Ew. 1.00
01:48:40.000 Why do you like blowjobs? 1.00
01:48:42.000 Ew. 0.99
01:48:43.000 Do you understand that for most men blowjobs are like the epitome of pleasure? 0.99
01:48:49.000 I know, but blowjob videos? 0.99
01:48:51.000 That's just weird. 0.99
01:48:51.000 They like it. 0.99
01:48:52.000 Why is that weird? 0.97
01:48:53.000 Because that's like 70% cock usually. 1.00
01:48:55.000 Why is that weird when you're watching guys fuck? 1.00
01:48:57.000 Do you only concentrate on the woman? 1.00
01:48:59.000 No, I like seeing the girl definitely get fucked, but with a blowjob video, it's all about looking around it and cleaning it. 1.00
01:49:07.000 No, it's all about pretending it's your dick, stupid. 1.00
01:49:09.000 You got a shitty way of looking at it. 1.00
01:49:11.000 Either way, that's not you fucking that girl either. 1.00
01:49:13.000 Do you see him whimpering? 0.99
01:49:15.000 No.
01:49:15.000 That's not you.
01:49:16.000 I don't know.
01:49:17.000 It's weird.
01:49:17.000 Do you see him just three strokes and out of breath?
01:49:19.000 And that's not you.
01:49:20.000 You know that's not you. 1.00
01:49:21.000 It's like watching a guy have a girl finger his butthole. 1.00
01:49:24.000 Why watch guys fuck at all? 1.00
01:49:25.000 Why not just all watch only lesbian porno? 1.00
01:49:28.000 And say, imagine if that was waiting for me on a planet somewhere. 1.00
01:49:32.000 And I was the only man.
01:49:34.000 And they would all be mine.
01:49:35.000 And they would fight over me.
01:49:37.000 While she's using the plastic. 0.92
01:49:39.000 Just waiting.
01:49:41.000 Waiting for you to land on your little raft.
01:49:46.000 Isn't that like a...
01:49:47.000 What is it?
01:49:48.000 What do you got there? 1.00
01:49:49.000 You got a dick. 1.00
01:49:50.000 Look, it's brass knuckles on one side and then a dildo on the other one. 1.00
01:49:54.000 What? 0.95
01:49:54.000 What is the brass knuckles made out of? 0.95
01:49:56.000 Plastic?
01:49:57.000 Huh?
01:49:57.000 Yeah.
01:49:58.000 So there's two different types of plastic?
01:49:59.000 There's a softer plastic that goes in the box?
01:50:01.000 It's pretty hard, actually.
01:50:02.000 Is it?
01:50:02.000 Yeah.
01:50:03.000 But, I mean, it's not...
01:50:03.000 It's hard rubber.
01:50:04.000 But then you, like, just fuck her pussy. 1.00
01:50:06.000 Where'd you get this from? 1.00
01:50:07.000 Put shit in there. 1.00
01:50:08.000 I bought it. 1.00
01:50:09.000 Where?
01:50:09.000 I'm not saying...
01:50:10.000 In Japan?
01:50:12.000 No.
01:50:13.000 No.
01:50:14.000 So, um, you're gonna use that on...
01:50:17.000 No, but you have two girls do it for you. 1.00
01:50:20.000 Oh, and you stick it up your ass. 1.00
01:50:21.000 Is that what you're saying? 1.00
01:50:22.000 No, you just... 1.00
01:50:23.000 You want to suck it, or what do you want to do? 1.00
01:50:24.000 No, you just, you know, slap them in the face with your dick while they're doing it. 1.00
01:50:28.000 Oh, okay. 1.00
01:50:28.000 So you slap them in the face with your dick while you pretend you're fucking with a giant black dick. 1.00
01:50:33.000 No, they're fucking each other with that. 1.00
01:50:34.000 Oh, okay. 1.00
01:50:35.000 That seems silly. 0.97
01:50:36.000 It seems like you're missing the point of sex. 1.00
01:50:38.000 You're letting some big rubber dick take over your turf. 1.00
01:50:42.000 The rubber dick is getting laid and you're just slapping girls in the face with your cock. 1.00
01:50:45.000 That's ridiculous. 1.00
01:50:46.000 The best thing is to get laid, Brian, and you've given that to a plastic dick. 1.00
01:50:50.000 You're like, yeah, well I know that it can never be as good as that. 1.00
01:50:52.000 So, just let her use the fake dick and I'll just get my pleasure off on her face. 1.00
01:50:57.000 Is that what it is? 1.00
01:50:58.000 No. 1.00
01:50:59.000 I just get them all worked up until they need a real dick. 1.00
01:51:03.000 Oh, really? 1.00
01:51:04.000 It's like all about foreplay. 1.00
01:51:06.000 That giant fake dick just gets them worked up? 1.00
01:51:08.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:51:08.000 No, it gets them thinking about, man, there's a dick out there that's as big as this. 1.00
01:51:12.000 I need to find that dick. 1.00
01:51:13.000 It becomes like Indiana Jones and the Lost Dick. 1.00
01:51:15.000 When women find out that it's possible that that giant dildo could be on a man... 1.00
01:51:20.000 She's like, maybe I could love him. 0.99
01:51:23.000 Maybe it's like my dream man.
01:51:25.000 I don't even know. 1.00
01:51:26.000 I'm just wasting my time with this average dick loser. 1.00
01:51:28.000 Or it makes it easier for them to have a baby and they appreciate you fucking them with that and stretching it out for them. 1.00
01:51:34.000 Hmm. 0.99
01:51:35.000 I don't think so.
01:51:36.000 I don't think any girl looks at it like that. 0.99
01:51:37.000 I think she wishes it was a real dick. 0.99
01:51:39.000 That's what she thinks. 1.00
01:51:40.000 She wishes. 1.00
01:51:41.000 God damn it. 1.00
01:51:42.000 It's probably just some genetic thing inside their body that must feel so much better when the dick is just gigantic. 1.00
01:51:49.000 That's why people have to say shit like size doesn't matter. 1.00
01:51:51.000 That's ridiculous. 1.00
01:51:52.000 Of course it matters. 0.99
01:51:53.000 How could you say that? 1.00
01:51:54.000 It's so foolish. 1.00
01:51:55.000 It's so foolish to say it's something that creates more frictions, larger. 1.00
01:51:59.000 It wouldn't be better. 0.90
01:52:00.000 Well, I do say that there is something to a certain point.
01:52:03.000 I don't think there's much of a difference.
01:52:06.000 If it's fat and to a certain point, I think it hits a certain spot that even if it's larger, it doesn't need to be larger.
01:52:13.000 I don't think girls want it deeper. 1.00
01:52:15.000 Some girls do. 1.00
01:52:15.000 You're crazy. 1.00
01:52:16.000 I don't think girls want it deeper. 1.00
01:52:18.000 I'm pretty sure that's not even an option.
01:52:19.000 No, I mean like if it's like, hey, do you want 8 inches or do you want 14?
01:52:24.000 I think they would rather say 8 inches.
01:52:25.000 Yeah, that's a good point.
01:52:26.000 There's a certain point where it starts hurting.
01:52:29.000 Yeah. 0.98
01:52:29.000 Yeah, there's some girls that don't enjoy having sex with guys because they're just slamming into their cervix. 0.98
01:52:34.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:52:34.000 So the end, they're like trying to stretch out their fucking, their drum at the end. 1.00
01:52:38.000 Bong, the meat drum. 0.99
01:52:39.000 At the end, you just slam it into it. 0.99
01:52:41.000 That's why you have cock rings in it. 1.00
01:52:42.000 That's like washers for the girl's assholes. 1.00
01:52:44.000 So it stops you at a certain point, like a doorstop. 0.99
01:52:47.000 So you won't hurt the girl.
01:52:49.000 You're a lover.
01:52:49.000 You've got to find how many rings you need.
01:52:51.000 Good move.
01:52:53.000 Cock ring stoppers. 0.98
01:52:55.000 Yeah, washers. 1.00
01:52:56.000 But then that part of your dick would always be sad. 1.00
01:52:58.000 Huh? 1.00
01:52:58.000 That part of your dick would always be sad. 1.00
01:53:00.000 Like, what about us? 1.00
01:53:01.000 What's squirt juice still in there? 1.00
01:53:02.000 Yeah, the whole dick wants in. 1.00
01:53:05.000 On the action. 1.00
01:53:06.000 And apparently the deepest part of your dick is oftentimes the most sensitive. 1.00
01:53:10.000 Which is why it's camped out next to your balls. 1.00
01:53:12.000 It's like super sensitive, just like your balls. 0.99
01:53:14.000 That's why it feels so good to go all the way in there. 0.98
01:53:16.000 And what it is, is this Mother Nature trying to set you up so that you definitely have kids.
01:53:21.000 Mother Nature trying to pitch the sperm as close to the eggs as possible. 1.00
01:53:26.000 Knowing that these Rambo Spermatozoas have a five day lifespan.
01:53:30.000 If they're like the best Navy Seal type hold their breath sperm ever. 1.00
01:53:35.000 That's crazy about five days. 0.97
01:53:36.000 Because sometimes I'll be like, all right, baby, since you're on your period, I'm going to come in you.
01:53:41.000 And then you're like, wait, in five days, she might be off her period and she might still be coming to her.
01:53:45.000 She might be ovulating. 1.00
01:53:48.000 Yeah, that's why the rhythm method is very tricky.
01:53:50.000 When you shoot a load inside a chick because you're pretty sure she's not ovulating. 1.00
01:53:54.000 Ooh, that's tricky, son. 0.97
01:53:56.000 That's why Irish people have so many kids. 1.00
01:53:58.000 It's a lot of it.
01:53:59.000 The rhythm method.
01:54:00.000 For real.
01:54:00.000 Irish Catholic.
01:54:01.000 You know, in Catholics, Catholics aren't supposed to use birth control.
01:54:05.000 Birth control's not good.
01:54:08.000 Yeah.
01:54:09.000 Isn't that funny?
01:54:09.000 It's hilarious.
01:54:10.000 I mean, think about all these overpopulated places in Latin America, Mexico, Catholics. 1.00
01:54:15.000 You know, they don't want to be using birth control. 0.99
01:54:18.000 It's pretty ridiculous. 1.00
01:54:19.000 That's a bunch of hater bullshit. 1.00
01:54:21.000 Stopping a guy from using a condom? 1.00
01:54:22.000 How dare you?
01:54:23.000 Like, if you come on something and then a girl sits on it, are you responsible for that child?
01:54:29.000 That's a good question.
01:54:29.000 I bet you are.
01:54:30.000 I bet if you came on a table and she scooped it up and stuffed it in her snatch, I bet she could probably say, you know, hey, you know, this is what he wanted. 1.00
01:54:38.000 This fantasy was for me to get pregnant by stealing his sperm. 0.97
01:54:41.000 That seems as crazy that you have to have responsibility for a liquid.
01:54:44.000 Well, it's crazy that you have to have responsibility for a chemical process that results in a life.
01:54:49.000 Yeah.
01:54:50.000 When, if you, if someone stole your sperm. 0.98
01:54:52.000 Right. 0.95
01:54:53.000 Yeah. 0.86
01:54:53.000 Or if you just, like, you know, like, cummed on a bed and then you had a friend over and she took off her clothes. 0.86
01:54:58.000 Clearly it wasn't your intention to get a girl pregnant. 0.91
01:55:01.000 Yeah.
01:55:02.000 Yeah, you shouldn't be responsible, but then you would have to have a transcript for the night to prove that you didn't actually just come inside of her and just go, I came on the bed. 0.99
01:55:11.000 Yeah, but that should be proved either way, you know?
01:55:14.000 How's that?
01:55:14.000 Meaning, like, if you're going to say that you had sex, you have to have proof for that also instead of sitting on it.
01:55:19.000 Well, most of the time when people have sperm in them, it's because they had sex, Brian. 0.87
01:55:22.000 Yeah, I know.
01:55:22.000 That seems to be the thing that you shouldn't have to prove.
01:55:24.000 In court, though, you think you would have to prove it either way.
01:55:27.000 Well, that doesn't seem fair to the girl.
01:55:29.000 How is she going to prove that?
01:55:30.000 Then girls just start setting up cameras, hidden cameras in everybody's room. 1.00
01:55:33.000 How would guys prove that she just sat on your cum that was on your bed? 0.97
01:55:37.000 Well, you would have to have a video of you ejaculating on the bed and then some hidden camera. 0.99
01:55:41.000 We should be able to record us having sex then for the same reason. 0.93
01:55:45.000 Well, imagine if it comes down to that.
01:55:46.000 Imagine it comes down to every time you have sex, you have to record it just so everybody knows that no rape crimes took place.
01:55:51.000 Right.
01:55:51.000 Nothing creepy took place.
01:55:52.000 So the government would have just like a massive database of people fucking. 1.00
01:55:55.000 Just make sure. 0.97
01:55:56.000 Look, we had some behind closed doors rapes going on and we had to stop them because of like 10 rapes in a city. 0.99
01:56:02.000 Everybody has to get their self-filmed while they fuck. 0.98
01:56:05.000 If we're educational purposes, you're allowed to view it. 0.98
01:56:08.000 And could you imagine if you had one of those clips on that you wear?
01:56:10.000 You know, that fit clip thing that you wear?
01:56:12.000 Oh, yeah.
01:56:12.000 Imagine if it's like, you know, your heart rate gets jacked up to like 160 beats per minute.
01:56:16.000 They're like, okay, Mr. Reichel, are you having sex or are you at the gym?
01:56:19.000 Please respond. 1.00
01:56:20.000 Like, you gotta make sure you're not fucking, dude. 0.99
01:56:22.000 Because if you're not fucking, no one can watch. 1.00
01:56:24.000 How come you're fucking in the dark? 1.00
01:56:26.000 Right. 0.99
01:56:26.000 You're supposed to be in front of your camera now, sir. 0.99
01:56:28.000 Your fit clip says that your heart rate is elevated.
01:56:30.000 That's funny. 1.00
01:56:31.000 Yeah, all the fucking you do, you can never rape anybody in a closet. 1.00
01:56:34.000 No, no. 1.00
01:56:35.000 No, no.
01:56:38.000 That's going to be the next thing. 0.97
01:56:39.000 There's going to be a way to monitor your state of consciousness, your heart rate, your blood sugar levels, all that shit.
01:56:45.000 You're going to be able to monitor it constantly on a person's body. 0.56
01:56:48.000 It just makes sense.
01:56:49.000 Like some sort of an implant.
01:56:51.000 Some implant will just read the various variables in your body and then interface with some sort of a computer.
01:56:56.000 You walk in front of somebody, it'll scan it, and it'll just read back the information.
01:57:00.000 You think about how small computers are now compared to how big they were when NASA launched the Apollo missions, and then think of how small they're going to be in the future.
01:57:07.000 They're going to be injectable. 1.00
01:57:08.000 You're going to have a computer that you can inject into your fucking ass. 1.00
01:57:11.000 Just a little, like a hard, like, it would be like a tiny... 1.00
01:57:14.000 It's already in your ass. 1.00
01:57:15.000 Half-sized grain of rice. 1.00
01:57:17.000 Half a grain of rice. 1.00
01:57:18.000 It's already been put in your ass. 1.00
01:57:19.000 You think so? 1.00
01:57:19.000 Yeah, doctors have been paid to give it to you. 1.00
01:57:22.000 That's what people think of believing aliens.
01:57:24.000 You know who believes in aliens?
01:57:25.000 Edgar Mitchell, former astronaut, guy who walked on the moon.
01:57:29.000 He believes in aliens. 0.99
01:57:31.000 Some big fucking press conference. 0.99
01:57:35.000 Not a press conference, but an interview. 0.99
01:57:36.000 He did an interview where he was saying that he knows that the government has access to information and that he can prove, or at least he believes to the best of his knowledge, that the government has received transmissions from aliens, been in communication with them.
01:57:54.000 They know that they're watching us.
01:57:55.000 They know that they're hovering around Earth. 1.00
01:57:57.000 It was kind of interesting watching this guy with his fucking dog. 1.00
01:58:01.000 It's like his dog sitting in his lap. 1.00
01:58:02.000 It's kind of cute.
01:58:03.000 He's a little terrier, and he's talking about UFOs and all these different things that the government knows exist.
01:58:12.000 And you're like, whoa.
01:58:13.000 Is this guy lost his marbles? 0.99
01:58:15.000 Or is he telling the truth, and he's like, I don't give a fuck anymore. 1.00
01:58:18.000 I got my dog here. 1.00
01:58:19.000 I'm 80 fucking years old. 0.98
01:58:21.000 I'm just going to tell people, and no one's probably going to believe me, but hey, whatever. 0.98
01:58:25.000 What do you think?
01:58:27.000 There was a really cool dog breed that's in Japan.
01:58:31.000 I've been researching a lot now.
01:58:33.000 You only really see it in Japan, but I saw one on the street, and it looks so weird.
01:58:38.000 It looks like a fox mixed with a cat, and it was bred to hunt bears by the Japanese.
01:58:46.000 What's it called?
01:58:46.000 I think it's called Shibu Emu or something like that.
01:58:51.000 Shibu.
01:58:52.000 Hold on.
01:58:52.000 Oh, you know, that's one of my dogs.
01:58:54.000 One of my dogs is half Shibu Emu.
01:58:55.000 Oh, really?
01:58:56.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:58:56.000 He's got a little bit of cunt in him. 1.00
01:58:57.000 He's a nice... 1.00
01:58:58.000 He's a sweetheart.
01:58:59.000 But he's confused.
01:59:01.000 He's a sweetheart, but he's confused.
01:59:02.000 Because he's half Bulldog, half Shibuino. 0.99
01:59:04.000 So he doesn't know what the hell he is. 0.93
01:59:05.000 He doesn't know whether to be lazy or whether to be a little cunty. 0.97
01:59:08.000 Yeah.
01:59:09.000 He's a sweetheart, though.
01:59:09.000 He's really nice.
01:59:12.000 As far as when you come up to him, he always wants to be pet.
01:59:15.000 He's a nice dog, but he gets a little snappy with people. 1.00
01:59:18.000 Yeah, I guess the breed is kind of, like, very protective of just the family, but also, like, you know, they're just, like, complete assholes. 0.72
01:59:25.000 But it's really weird facial expressions, like, this chick that was walking the dog in Japan, she was, like, about to turn this corner, and the dog wouldn't go, just stopped, and looked at her with this face, like, hey... 0.99
01:59:37.000 I need to go take a shit over there. 0.77
01:59:39.000 And immediately, she was like, oh, I'm sorry. 0.99
01:59:41.000 And she said, sorry. 0.99
01:59:42.000 And then went to the grass and he took a shit. 0.99
01:59:45.000 But it was weird. 0.99
01:59:45.000 The face was so animated. 0.99
01:59:48.000 Problematic dogs are the dogs that are usually the smartest.
01:59:52.000 The smartest dogs, the dogs go, hey, hey, hey, we've got a problem here. 1.00
01:59:55.000 Like German Shepherds and shit, wolves, those dogs, those are smart as fuck, man. 1.00
02:00:00.000 And they're the ones that a lot of times cause problems. 1.00
02:00:02.000 They escape a lot.
02:00:03.000 It's because they get bored.
02:00:05.000 What's that breed of dog?
02:00:06.000 My friend Pete has this dog.
02:00:09.000 The one where there's a thing down its back that grows the opposite direction.
02:00:13.000 The hair grows the opposite direction.
02:00:14.000 Rhodesian Ridgeback? 1.00
02:00:15.000 Yeah.
02:00:15.000 He has a Ridgeback.
02:00:17.000 And man, that thing's intimidating to be around.
02:00:19.000 Is it really?
02:00:20.000 That's a solid dog.
02:00:21.000 I'm more scared of that dog than I am a pit bull.
02:00:23.000 Wow, that's crazy.
02:00:24.000 Why?
02:00:25.000 I don't know.
02:00:26.000 Just something around it.
02:00:27.000 It looks like it's... 0.94
02:00:28.000 That's ridiculous. 0.86
02:00:30.000 Check your email real quick. 0.97
02:00:31.000 I sent you that Edgar Mitchell video.
02:00:33.000 They're more of a slender dog, man.
02:00:35.000 Rhodesian Ridgebacks are not... 0.99
02:00:36.000 It's all muscle.
02:00:37.000 Yeah, they're very athletic.
02:00:39.000 Guard dog style.
02:00:41.000 The scariest dogs are the big ones.
02:00:42.000 Those are the ones that can kill you.
02:00:44.000 It's huge.
02:00:45.000 It hunts lions.
02:00:48.000 Rhodesian Ridgebacks are not that big.
02:00:50.000 This thing's humongous.
02:00:51.000 Well, let's look up because I'm pretty sure they only get to be about 80 or 90 pounds.
02:00:54.000 This thing stood was taller than me standing up.
02:00:56.000 What?
02:00:57.000 It was like Marmaduke muscles.
02:00:59.000 A muscular Marmaduke.
02:01:01.000 That's what it reminded me of.
02:01:04.000 Like a dog that would be in the video game Russian Attack.
02:01:07.000 Really?
02:01:08.000 Yeah.
02:01:08.000 That big?
02:01:09.000 No, dude, they're kind of a slender dog.
02:01:10.000 I'm looking at them right now, man.
02:01:11.000 I think you're confusing this with somebody.
02:01:13.000 I think we're communicating about different dogs.
02:01:15.000 This is the one that has a line that goes down its back that goes a different direction.
02:01:20.000 A ridgeback.
02:01:20.000 Yeah.
02:01:21.000 Well, I guess there's one that's in here that looks kind of muscular, but they seem very thin.
02:01:28.000 I'm trying to figure out how big they get.
02:01:33.000 Does it appearance?
02:01:35.000 There we go.
02:01:36.000 They call him the lion hunter.
02:01:38.000 70 pounds, bro.
02:01:41.000 Oh, okay.
02:01:43.000 No, no, no.
02:01:44.000 Weigh about 80. Males weigh about 85 pounds.
02:01:48.000 Should be...
02:01:49.000 Many are much larger.
02:01:52.000 Ridgebacks are typical muscular... 1.00
02:01:54.000 Okay, so I guess even though some of them are like 85 pounds, they're saying some of them get way bigger.
02:02:01.000 Check this out. 0.99
02:02:01.000 So I would imagine if you ran into a 100 pounder, yeah, that'd be a big fucking dog. 0.99
02:02:05.000 Check this out. 0.99
02:02:06.000 That's a Rhodesian Ridgeback? 1.00
02:02:07.000 Amazing dogs to walk the face of the earth.
02:02:12.000 Also known as the African lion dog, the Rhodesian Ridgeback is a large muscular dog bred in Southern Africa to hunt lions.
02:02:20.000 You know that term keeping a lion at bay?
02:02:23.000 Well that came from the Rhodesian Ridgeback. 1.00
02:02:26.000 The breed was created by Hottentots, an indigenous people of South Africa, and early German and Dutch settlers.
02:02:34.000 They combined imported Mastiffs, Great Danes, Greyhounds, Bloodhounds, Terriers and other breeds with the Hottentot Dog, a semi-wild tribal guarding and hunting dog to create the Rhodesian Ridgeback.
02:02:48.000 Imagine the type of personality it takes to run after a seven, eight hundred pound cat and chase it up a tree and that's the Rhodesian Ridgeback.
02:02:58.000 The most unique and defining characteristic of the Rhodesian Ridgeback is his ridge.
02:03:03.000 He can thank the wild Hottentot dog for that.
02:03:07.000 It's basically hair going in the opposite direction of the hair that grows down the rest of their body.
02:03:12.000 The ridge should be clearly defined and symmetrical and run the length of the dog's back. 1.00
02:03:16.000 It looks like a fucking vampire dog. 0.99
02:03:17.000 Do you remember when we ran into that girl who works for the UFC who has a dog like my dog only 50 fucking pounds bigger? 1.00
02:03:25.000 Yeah. 0.97
02:03:25.000 That 200 pound Mastiff? 0.97
02:03:27.000 Yeah. 1.00
02:03:28.000 Holy shit. 1.00
02:03:29.000 That was ridiculous. 1.00
02:03:30.000 That dog was so ridiculous. 0.99
02:03:31.000 And really sweet. 0.99
02:03:33.000 They're really sweet, gentle dogs.
02:03:35.000 But when I touched the dog and she wanted me to take a picture with him, I put my arm around him and I was next to him.
02:03:39.000 And he would move a little, bump into me.
02:03:41.000 And I'd be like, oh Jesus, you're standing...
02:03:44.000 You're standing next to a giant animal.
02:03:45.000 It's really big.
02:03:47.000 It's bigger than me and it's a dog. 1.00
02:03:49.000 And it's this enormous fucking head on him. 1.00
02:03:51.000 Oh my god, that thing was ridiculous. 1.00
02:03:53.000 200 pounds. 0.97
02:03:55.000 And she flies it. 0.99
02:03:56.000 Goes in a plane.
02:03:58.000 Wow.
02:03:58.000 Goes in the cargo hold somehow or another with this giant box it stays in.
02:04:01.000 That's so rude to fly animals, I think. 0.99
02:04:03.000 The dog didn't seem to give a fuck. 0.99
02:04:05.000 I think she did it so often he was just used to it. 0.98
02:04:07.000 Have you ever been around somebody that their ears pop during a flight?
02:04:10.000 Yeah.
02:04:11.000 It's so gross.
02:04:12.000 Well, you know what else happens if you have any sort of a sinus infection?
02:04:15.000 It's unbelievably painful in your ears when you get to high altitude. 0.97
02:04:19.000 When you're coming down, somehow or another, that's when your ears start popping, and it's excruciating fucking pain. 0.86
02:04:26.000 Yeah, sinus pain, that deep ear sinus pain when your whole inside is clogged and infected. 0.96
02:04:33.000 Ooh, that's not good on a plane. 0.99
02:04:37.000 Planes are fucking freaky, dude. 0.97
02:04:39.000 What's going to be next, though? 0.99
02:04:40.000 Is there ever going to be a Concorde again?
02:04:43.000 Are they ever going to go with supersonic travel?
02:04:45.000 Or is it just too dangerous?
02:04:46.000 I don't know.
02:04:47.000 I just don't like flying over the ocean.
02:04:49.000 When you go that fast, can birds even get out of your way?
02:04:52.000 Do they even have time to get out of your way?
02:04:53.000 No.
02:04:53.000 So if you slam into birds, is that a wrap?
02:04:56.000 Yeah.
02:04:56.000 Absolutely.
02:04:57.000 If you're taking off off the fucking LAX and you're in a Concorde and you're launching through the fucking air and you hit supersonic speeds... 0.99
02:05:05.000 Bird soup. 1.00
02:05:06.000 That bird's dead as fuck, right? 1.00
02:05:08.000 Yep. 1.00
02:05:08.000 And you probably have to take off really fast with those things, too. 1.00
02:05:10.000 It's not like you have the option to take off slow, and once the coast is clear, then you rock it.
02:05:15.000 Do you?
02:05:16.000 No, I think you have to take off fast at the beginning.
02:05:18.000 That thing looks amazing, though.
02:05:20.000 Have you ever watched some of the footage of the Concorde?
02:05:22.000 Yeah.
02:05:22.000 Have you ever watched it?
02:05:23.000 Yeah.
02:05:23.000 It's incredible.
02:05:24.000 Pull up a video of the Concorde so we can see what it looks like.
02:05:27.000 Not a Concorde exploding, though. 0.99
02:05:29.000 That shit's depressing. 1.00
02:05:30.000 Oh. 1.00
02:05:31.000 That's what happened.
02:05:31.000 A bunch of them exploded.
02:05:34.000 Well, one of them hit a tire that another plane had left behind on the runway.
02:05:39.000 So as it was accelerating, it hit a tire and the tire kicked up and slammed into the plane and caused it to be on fire as they were in the air. 0.99
02:05:49.000 Look at that fucking thing, man. 0.98
02:05:51.000 That's what a lot of people thought. 1.00
02:05:52.000 I think they came out in the 80s.
02:05:54.000 Is that correct?
02:05:55.000 I think so, yeah.
02:05:56.000 Let me see.
02:05:58.000 Pretty sure.
02:05:58.000 I don't...
02:06:05.000 Concord's creepy.
02:06:06.000 But they did them for a little while, and then it got to a point where, you know...
02:06:11.000 Too many people.
02:06:12.000 They were malfunctioning too much, right? 1.00
02:06:14.000 Well, the last one I think was really expensive to do, and the last one killed a lot of rich motherfuckers. 0.99
02:06:20.000 They did it for 27 years. 1.00
02:06:21.000 Wow.
02:06:23.000 That's amazing.
02:06:24.000 Yeah, so the first flight was in 1969. That's amazing.
02:06:28.000 They were going supersonic speeds in 69. That is incredible.
02:06:34.000 Here it goes.
02:06:38.000 It's on the runway right now.
02:06:40.000 It looks so badass too. 0.97
02:06:42.000 Apparently they're loud as fuck too when they take off. 0.95
02:06:47.000 Right now it's just rolling, building up speed. 0.97
02:06:52.000 This looks totally like a regular plane right here.
02:06:55.000 Yeah.
02:06:55.000 Isn't it the nose?
02:07:03.000 It's badass.
02:07:05.000 It's down.
02:07:06.000 It's pointed down.
02:07:07.000 It's so weird.
02:07:08.000 I hope this is not blowing up.
02:07:10.000 No, it's not blowing up because the other one blew up as it was in the air.
02:07:14.000 Like right when it took off.
02:07:15.000 I thought it was about to hit that one.
02:07:17.000 Oh, could you imagine if it hit that?
02:07:19.000 It looks so sick though.
02:07:20.000 Look at the shape of it. 0.99
02:07:24.000 God damn, I would have liked to have flown in one of those. 0.99
02:07:28.000 Richard Branson, I know you're out there. 0.99
02:07:30.000 Figure out a way.
02:07:31.000 Just make a better one.
02:07:32.000 Yeah, see if you find one actually taking off, though. 0.99
02:07:34.000 That one was boring as fuck. 0.98
02:07:36.000 I want to see a Concord going fast. 1.00
02:07:38.000 Say Concord go fast.
02:07:41.000 Plank code, go fast. 1.00
02:07:42.000 We don't see this, Brad.
02:07:49.000 It's burning badly. 1.00
02:07:50.000 Oh, shit. 0.99
02:07:53.000 Bring that back to the beginning so everybody can see that. 1.00
02:07:56.000 Oh, Jesus Christ.
02:07:59.000 Watch this.
02:07:59.000 It takes off.
02:08:01.000 And as it takes off, it hits something.
02:08:03.000 Oh, my God.
02:08:05.000 That's scary.
02:08:09.000 Oh, my God.
02:08:12.000 Why does it sound so fake?
02:08:13.000 That is fake.
02:08:18.000 Oh my god. 1.00
02:08:21.000 What the fuck is this? 0.99
02:08:26.000 How can they, when that happens, there's no way to stop it. 0.99
02:08:30.000 - Reception of a middle marker.
02:08:32.000 - Yes, well received.
02:08:34.000 - The gear, no. - Can you turn around?
02:08:37.000 You know, they're so not mobile. 0.98
02:08:43.000 What the fuck are we? 0.99
02:08:44.000 I don't know. 0.99
02:08:45.000 It's a weird sort of reenactment.
02:08:47.000 Someone's doing, like, post-fight commentary.
02:08:50.000 Wow.
02:08:50.000 This one's two million.
02:08:52.000 Oh, God. 0.99
02:08:53.000 That's fucked up. 1.00
02:08:54.000 So, apparently, a lot of rich people died on that, dude, because the tickets were stupid expensive. 1.00
02:09:00.000 But I guess you could get to Europe in, like, two hours. 0.98
02:09:03.000 Wow, that'd be weird.
02:09:04.000 I don't...
02:09:05.000 I don't mind flying when it's nicer that the planes that go overseas seem to be a little bit bigger.
02:09:11.000 Because I couldn't imagine being on a Southwest flight, or not a Southwest flight, but one of those Delta flights or whatever where it's super tight.
02:09:17.000 There's planes that are just rude.
02:09:20.000 Sometimes when they pack people in there, you're like, this is just rude.
02:09:23.000 This is like human cattle.
02:09:24.000 It's not inhumane.
02:09:26.000 Inhumane, almost.
02:09:27.000 Yeah, but I mean, that's what people will be...
02:09:30.000 They're willing to pay, you know, to be transported.
02:09:33.000 They're willing to be uncomfortable as long as they don't have to pay a ridiculous amount of money.
02:09:36.000 And when you think about it that way, then it becomes really reasonable.
02:09:39.000 Because if you can pay a couple hundred bucks and fly across the country, which you can if you get a good deal...
02:09:44.000 That's amazing.
02:09:45.000 Someone's gonna take you and bring you across the whole country in like a few hours in a day, and it's gonna cost you a few hundred bucks.
02:09:51.000 Just pay the man.
02:09:52.000 Be uncomfortable for a few hours.
02:09:54.000 Jesus Christ.
02:09:55.000 It's worth it in that sense. 0.99
02:09:57.000 Because otherwise, I'm not starting a fucking pilot airplane business. 0.98
02:10:00.000 Are you? 0.99
02:10:01.000 You're not starting a pilot airplane business.
02:10:02.000 Who's gonna fly people?
02:10:05.000 How are we going to get there?
02:10:06.000 We're not going to get there?
02:10:07.000 What if there was no airlines?
02:10:08.000 Is the government going to run the airlines? 0.99
02:10:10.000 Yeah, good fucking luck. 1.00
02:10:11.000 It'll be even more fucked up. 1.00
02:10:13.000 It'll be terrible. 0.99
02:10:13.000 A bunch of government workers flying into the ocean. 0.99
02:10:17.000 Crashing shit. 1.00
02:10:20.000 You better hope the fucking airlines stay in business. 1.00
02:10:23.000 Pay your money. 1.00
02:10:24.000 Be uncomfortable.
02:10:25.000 Deal with it.
02:10:26.000 Because I don't think they're making much money.
02:10:27.000 It seems like they're hurting.
02:10:28.000 You know?
02:10:29.000 It wouldn't be a good time to start up an airplane business.
02:10:31.000 Nah, not at all.
02:10:32.000 Right?
02:10:33.000 Air travel's tough. 0.98
02:10:34.000 And flights are expensive because oil is fucking expensive. 1.00
02:10:38.000 So jet fuel's expensive as fuck! 0.99
02:10:41.000 You know how much money it must cost to fly a plane across the ocean? 0.99
02:10:45.000 How much money is that in gas? 1.00
02:10:46.000 Must be a stupid amount of money. 1.00
02:10:49.000 I would think so. 1.00
02:10:50.000 I mean, it's so fucking big, but I don't know. 0.93
02:10:52.000 It's incredible that people were doing that in the 60s, though. 0.84
02:10:54.000 Yeah.
02:10:55.000 The 60s. 1.00
02:10:56.000 Those stupid fucks didn't have access to anything but books. 1.00
02:10:59.000 There was no phones. 1.00
02:11:00.000 You weren't talking to anybody if you weren't right in front of them, or you'd get them on a landline.
02:11:05.000 There was no cell phones.
02:11:06.000 No one was just driving around, calling the people no matter where you are, and looking up facts on Google.
02:11:11.000 No.
02:11:12.000 But yet, they were flying all over the country.
02:11:14.000 They were going all over the world, you know?
02:11:16.000 I wonder if we're going to see an alternative power source that's strong enough to be able to fly planes without fuel, where you're almost like on a glider or an electric car of an airplane.
02:11:25.000 You know what I mean?
02:11:26.000 Well, the idea is that if Tesla's inventions had ever come to fruition, one of them being wireless electricity, that that could have been a reality.
02:11:35.000 Shooting electricity up in the airplane.
02:11:36.000 Yeah, we could have developed some sort of...
02:11:39.000 I don't understand it, so I can't even comment on how they would do it.
02:11:42.000 I don't know how you broadcast electricity, but the idea was that he would do it almost like you'd be able to pull it out of the air like a radio signal.
02:11:49.000 That'd be cool.
02:11:49.000 Yeah, I guess.
02:11:50.000 Or it would be terrible because an air flight would never work because people would be fucking exploding in your plane. 0.66
02:11:56.000 Because you're running into an electrical circuit, like right when some kid's shutting off his light bulb or something.
02:12:00.000 The electrical circuit sends a short up the wire and, you know, up through the air, the electricity in the air, and zaps your plane.
02:12:07.000 Who knows?
02:12:08.000 Obviously, that's not how electricity works.
02:12:11.000 But with any sort of breakthrough discovery, like air, electricity, you're going to have some little problems, right?
02:12:20.000 Especially now that Tesla's dead.
02:12:22.000 Have they tried using his information without his brain?
02:12:25.000 How many people are capable of bringing Tesla's inventions to fruition, even today?
02:12:31.000 I don't know.
02:12:31.000 I keep on thinking about the band Tesla and it just makes me mad.
02:12:35.000 Isn't it funny?
02:12:36.000 The band Tesla, they were kind of lame and they hijacked one of the greatest minds in history.
02:12:41.000 Yeah, ego check.
02:12:42.000 Took somebody way too cool for yourself. 0.98
02:12:44.000 Yeah, that's kind of silly. 0.89
02:12:46.000 I'm Abe Lincoln. 0.86
02:12:46.000 I guess they were fans of his. 0.86
02:12:48.000 That's why they did it.
02:12:49.000 But you know what?
02:12:50.000 I'm a fan of his too.
02:12:51.000 I don't call myself Tesla.
02:12:53.000 I know.
02:12:53.000 Who isn't?
02:12:54.000 Come up with your own band name, man.
02:12:55.000 You hijacked that dude's legacy.
02:12:56.000 That's almost like saying I'm Godzilla or I'm something like that.
02:13:00.000 Godzilla the band.
02:13:01.000 Yeah.
02:13:02.000 Dude, your phone's going off kitty cat again.
02:13:04.000 Why don't you stop that?
02:13:06.000 Way over three hours.
02:13:07.000 No, we're not.
02:13:08.000 Well, I mean the two podcasts.
02:13:09.000 Oh, if you put them together.
02:13:11.000 Yeah.
02:13:12.000 But we're not doing that, are we?
02:13:13.000 I was going to.
02:13:14.000 It's part one and part two.
02:13:15.000 Okay.
02:13:15.000 You want to put them together?
02:13:16.000 I was trying to.
02:13:17.000 Let's get crazy, bro.
02:13:18.000 Let's get crazy.
02:13:19.000 How long was the first one?
02:13:21.000 I think like an hour.
02:13:22.000 We do it just like they do it.
02:13:24.000 That's how like regular people do podcasts.
02:13:27.000 If you look at like the regular podcast, most podcasts are an hour.
02:13:30.000 True.
02:13:30.000 We're the only ones who wander on for hours and hours.
02:13:33.000 But the problem with us is sometimes we get to a spot we don't know when to fucking end. 0.97
02:13:36.000 That's right. 0.98
02:13:36.000 They know how to end. 0.98
02:13:38.000 They know a time to bring this baby around.
02:13:40.000 They know.
02:13:40.000 They know how to end.
02:13:41.000 We don't know how to end, Brian.
02:13:43.000 Sometimes we're lost in a world of not ending.
02:13:47.000 Imagine if you had your own Concorde.
02:13:48.000 I don't want my own Concorde.
02:13:50.000 Because they essentially reach space.
02:13:52.000 They're like right at the edge of space.
02:13:54.000 Like a little higher, and they're at space.
02:13:56.000 Because I think they fly like way higher than a regular jet.
02:13:58.000 Would you ever get on a hot air balloon?
02:14:00.000 No, not interested.
02:14:02.000 I am terrified of that.
02:14:04.000 You should be. 1.00
02:14:05.000 Fuck that. 1.00
02:14:07.000 Yeah, hot air balloons are fucked up, man. 1.00
02:14:10.000 That's a tough thing to control. 0.98
02:14:13.000 I don't think that's like...
02:14:15.000 I wonder how many people die every year in hot air balloon accidents.
02:14:18.000 But it happens.
02:14:19.000 Sometimes the balloons catch on fire. 1.00
02:14:20.000 Oh, shit! 1.00
02:14:21.000 Yeah. 1.00
02:14:22.000 I think just the feeling of standing in a basket, too, and feeling like the wicker underneath your feet.
02:14:28.000 Yeah, I'm trying to find altitude here.
02:14:31.000 Let me see something else.
02:14:32.000 Search this.
02:14:33.000 Dead airs.
02:14:40.000 It doesn't say what their altitude is.
02:14:42.000 I'm trying to find out how high these things went.
02:14:46.000 Oh, here it is.
02:14:47.000 Oh my god!
02:14:48.000 You ready for this?
02:14:50.000 A regular plane is like, what, 30,000 feet, occasionally 34,000 feet, something like that, right?
02:14:56.000 Occasionally the pilot will come on and say, we've reached 35,000 feet, our cruising altitude.
02:15:02.000 Concorde's maximum cruising altitude was 60,000 feet.
02:15:09.000 Dude. 0.99
02:15:10.000 What the fuck? 1.00
02:15:12.000 60,000? 1.00
02:15:13.000 60,000 feet.
02:15:16.000 Subsonic airliners typically cruise below 40,000 feet.
02:15:21.000 Above 50,000 feet, the lack of air pressure would give a time of useful consciousness in even a conditioned athlete of no more than 5 to 10 seconds.
02:15:34.000 Isn't that nuts?
02:15:36.000 Hmm.
02:15:38.000 So apparently, you can do it only because...
02:15:43.000 That's incredible.
02:15:44.000 Is it because of the way the plane is built?
02:15:47.000 Concord's altitude, the air density, is very low.
02:15:50.000 A breach of cabin integrity would result in a loss of pressure severe enough so that plastic emergency oxygen masks installed on other passenger jets would not be effective and passengers would quickly suffer from hypoxia despite...
02:16:05.000 Quickly donning the masks, Concord was equipped with smaller windows to reduce the rate of loss in the event of a breach.
02:16:11.000 Wow!
02:16:13.000 A reserve air supply system to augment cabin pressure and a rapid descent procedure to bring the aircraft to a safe altitude. 0.97
02:16:20.000 Holy shit, it just dives down. 0.95
02:16:22.000 Oh my god, that must be horrifying. 1.00
02:16:24.000 Could you imagine if your shit breached and you just felt the plane point down at the earth and just... 1.00
02:16:30.000 Just straight down. 1.00
02:16:33.000 Oh my god.
02:16:36.000 Wow.
02:16:37.000 So they stopped flying, I guess, in the 80s.
02:16:41.000 Or in, excuse me, 2003. That's amazing, man.
02:16:47.000 That must have been a fun fucking thing to do. 0.99
02:16:49.000 I mean, you're 60,000 feet up. 0.98
02:16:50.000 I think it's dark out, even when it's daytime.
02:16:53.000 I think you're in space.
02:16:55.000 I think at 60,000 feet, you're really close to space.
02:16:59.000 The sky doesn't look like the blue sky that you see in a normal jet when you're just floating above the clouds.
02:17:05.000 You know that beautiful feeling when you're in a jet, you look out the window, and it's just smooth sailing, and you're above the clouds.
02:17:10.000 It's like, wow, that's so peaceful and beautiful. 1.00
02:17:12.000 I guess you're way above that shit. 1.00
02:17:14.000 You're where it becomes dark. 1.00
02:17:16.000 Right.
02:17:17.000 That'd be cool to see, though.
02:17:19.000 It'd be awesome, man.
02:17:20.000 It'd be awesome if we all had fighter jets, too.
02:17:22.000 I mean, you know, I used to do that bit about being in an F-A-18.
02:17:26.000 What is this thing, man?
02:17:29.000 Hot air balloon accident?
02:17:30.000 Oh, no.
02:17:32.000 The balloon, check out that picture there.
02:17:34.000 You can see it was ripped open.
02:17:36.000 It fell to the ground from about 500 feet.
02:17:38.000 Three people suffered only minor injuries, amazingly.
02:17:41.000 The paraglider had non-life-threatening head and spinal.
02:17:45.000 That's crazy.
02:17:47.000 Oh snap son.
02:17:48.000 That's not good.
02:17:49.000 Hey, let's wrap this thing up, Brian Reichel.
02:17:52.000 This weekend, the Berea Improv will be doing it with Ari Shafir and Duncan Trussell.
02:18:01.000 And this will be the first time that Duncan's performing with Ari in quite a while.
02:18:05.000 I think it's going to be fascinating, especially considering...
02:18:08.000 Well, whatever.
02:18:10.000 Anyway, we're going to have a good time.
02:18:12.000 Bray Improv.
02:18:13.000 Most likely it's going to sell out. 0.99
02:18:14.000 Yes, I am doing a lot of new shit. 0.98
02:18:16.000 Yes, I have a lot of the... 0.98
02:18:17.000 I'm performing...
02:18:19.000 I'm getting ready, rather. 0.99
02:18:20.000 Tightening up my shit for April 20th. 0.99
02:18:22.000 Because it looks like April 20th in Atlanta is when I'm going to shoot my next special. 0.98
02:18:26.000 I've got to get going.
02:18:27.000 I've had the same material that I've been looking to put down on DVD for a long time now.
02:18:32.000 It's been like, I think, two years since my last recording. 0.99
02:18:36.000 So I've got a lot of shit. 0.98
02:18:37.000 I've got to get it out there. 0.99
02:18:38.000 And then Start Fresh, which is terrifying.
02:18:41.000 But we'll be doing a lot of those Start Fresh shows here at the Pasadena Ice House because it's such an intermittent environment. 0.99
02:18:46.000 It's great for coming up with new shit. 0.97
02:18:48.000 So that's my mission right now. 0.99
02:18:49.000 I'm on a mission.
02:18:50.000 My mission is to get out this special and then come up with a whole new hour in a couple of months.
02:18:55.000 So I'm going to do a lot of shows after April.
02:18:59.000 In May, June, July. 0.68
02:19:00.000 So I'll have like a few months before the special comes out when it gets edited and all that shit. 0.57
02:19:06.000 And in the months before, I'm going to have to come up with a whole new hour.
02:19:10.000 So that should be fascinating.
02:19:11.000 So I'll be doing a lot of shows.
02:19:13.000 And that's it.
02:19:16.000 Thanks to...
02:19:18.000 The Fleshlight for sponsoring the program.
02:19:20.000 Thanks to them, you can buy a Fleshlight at a discount. 0.98
02:19:24.000 If you go to JoeRogan.net, you know the fucking deal. 0.97
02:19:26.000 Click the link, enter in the code name ROGAN, and blah, blah, blah. 0.98
02:19:29.000 15% off, blah, blah, blah.
02:19:31.000 We're also sponsored by Onnit.
02:19:33.000 Onnit.com.
02:19:33.000 What is Onnit, Joe Rogan?
02:19:35.000 Onnit is God's company, my friend.
02:19:40.000 We're here for you.
02:19:41.000 What?
02:19:42.000 Brian, pay attention.
02:19:43.000 What are you doing?
02:19:43.000 Holding your pipe up?
02:19:44.000 Is that the photo that everybody's seeing?
02:19:46.000 No. 1.00
02:19:46.000 That silly fucking pipe? 1.00
02:19:47.000 No. 1.00
02:19:47.000 I'll kill you. 1.00
02:19:48.000 No. 1.00
02:19:48.000 You can see what I'm saying. 1.00
02:19:49.000 I love you.
02:19:50.000 Light it up.
02:19:51.000 You know you want to.
02:19:52.000 It's ceramic infused.
02:19:53.000 You don't have to worry anymore.
02:19:55.000 Thank you to C2O Coconut Water 2. They just sent me a bunch of fucking badass coconut water. 0.98
02:20:00.000 It's the most delicious. 0.99
02:20:01.000 It's from Thailand.
02:20:02.000 They're not even paying me.
02:20:04.000 Thank you to Onnit.com.
02:20:05.000 They are.
02:20:06.000 Go to Onnit.com.
02:20:07.000 O-N-N-I-T. And check out all the different supplements.
02:20:10.000 Alpha Brain, Shroom Tech Sport, Shroom Tech Immune, New Mood.
02:20:14.000 All good stuff.
02:20:15.000 All explained at Onnit.com.
02:20:16.000 All stuff that I endorse and I use.
02:20:19.000 Alright, tomorrow the powerful Greg Fitzsimmons will be joining us.
02:20:23.000 Greg is my buddy from literally, like we started out within the same month of each other.
02:20:30.000 I think we're like maybe a week or two apart from each other.
02:20:32.000 So we've known each other a long time.
02:20:34.000 We've got a lot of fun.
02:20:35.000 Crazy stories.
02:20:35.000 He's hilarious.
02:20:37.000 He's a great dude, and he'll be here tomorrow.
02:20:39.000 So that's it. 0.99
02:20:40.000 We've got a lot of shit coming up. 0.99
02:20:42.000 Honey, honey, he's got to do the podcast next week, as is Sam Harris. 0.99
02:20:46.000 Holla at your boy. 0.99
02:20:47.000 So I'll see you, dirty freak, soon. 0.99
02:20:49.000 Thank you for tuning in, as always. 0.91
02:20:50.000 We appreciate you very much.
02:20:52.000 And this podcast, a lot of people come up to us and talk to us on Twitter and say that this is a huge part of your life now, and it's...
02:20:58.000 It's so much fun and you grow from it and you learn things from it.
02:21:01.000 We do too.
02:21:03.000 Forcing myself to do something like this and doing it so often and exposing myself to all these cool conversations with all these cool people, I am benefiting just as much as you are and I appreciate you guys to no end.
02:21:14.000 The coolest thing in the world to work at a place and then have the wait staff and everyone say, man, your fans are so nice.
02:21:21.000 And I hear it all the time.
02:21:23.000 And I just want you guys to know that I appreciate that more than anything.
02:21:27.000 I'm proud of that more than anything. 0.97
02:21:28.000 I think it's the coolest fucking thing in the world. 0.96
02:21:30.000 And I think if you put something out there, it's proof positive. 0.96
02:21:34.000 Be a cool person.
02:21:35.000 Be a nice person.
02:21:36.000 Try to, at best times, always, at every turn, try to be as cool about something as you can.
02:21:43.000 No one's perfect. 0.96
02:21:45.000 We're all gonna fuck up. 1.00
02:21:46.000 But if you go through life with that sort of a motto, don't be a cunt. 1.00
02:21:51.000 Try to keep moving forward. 1.00
02:21:52.000 Get your shit together. 0.99
02:21:54.000 Be nice to people. 1.00
02:21:55.000 How hard is that?
02:21:56.000 It's not that hard, right, Brian?
02:21:57.000 Have a good time. 1.00
02:21:58.000 This shit is temporary. 1.00
02:21:59.000 It's not gonna last. 1.00
02:22:01.000 You gotta wake the fuck up and realize the time to enjoy this fucking thing for the mad lunacy of what it really is. 0.99
02:22:09.000 The time is right now. 1.00
02:22:10.000 Enjoy this fucking thing. 1.00
02:22:11.000 Enjoy the shit out of it. 1.00
02:22:12.000 Cut out those people in your life that you're not enjoying. 1.00
02:22:15.000 Negative people. 1.00
02:22:16.000 Vampires. 1.00
02:22:16.000 Cut them out. 1.00
02:22:17.000 Cut out all the bullshit that's holding you down. 1.00
02:22:20.000 Scam and scheme and plot a way to get out of your job. 1.00
02:22:24.000 Do it all legally.
02:22:25.000 Don't get me wrong.
02:22:26.000 Find out a way to do what you really want to do.
02:22:28.000 You can. 0.99
02:22:29.000 This fucking is getting way too... 0.99
02:22:31.000 Now I'm a motivational speaker. 0.99
02:22:34.000 I've got Anthony Robbins on everybody.
02:22:36.000 Look, I'm just loving y'all.
02:22:37.000 And I'm just...
02:22:39.000 I'm a little emotional because of jet lag.
02:22:42.000 And that's it.
02:22:45.000 It's the end.
02:22:46.000 We're ending sloppy.
02:22:47.000 That's a good example to set.
02:22:51.000 Alright, we'll see you guys tomorrow.
02:22:52.000 Thank you very much.