The Joe Rogan Experience - March 11, 2012


Joe Rogan Experience #193 - Jim Gaffigan

Topics
Lost show Hot Pockets podcast shows Starsky and Hutch stealing creativity Otto and George Puppet Act Jared Taylor songs football talk radio
Hosted by
Joe Rogan
Guests
Jim Gaffigan
Mentioned
Finding Bigfoot Jim Gaffigan Jared Taylor Harry Met Sally Joe Rogan Experience Podcast Howard Stern John Ritter Hutch Starsky Kevin Brennan Little Lester Louis C.K. Tom Segura Joey Diaz Tom Likas Compton Larry Acela Shroom Tech Sport Brilliant Mind and 66 more
Joe Rogan Experience #192 - Sam Harris Joe Rogan Experience #194 - Jason Silva

Episode Stats


Length

1 hour and 26 minutes

Words per minute

198.4

Word count

17,109

Sentence count

2,267

Harmful content

Misogyny

44

sentences flagged

Toxicity

425

sentences flagged

Hate speech

38

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

This is a special Sunday edition of the Joe Rogan Experience Podcast featuring Jim Gaffigan. We talk about Pat Robertson's new book, nootropics, and why you should be careful about what you put in your body. Plus, we talk about a lot of other stuff. Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. The opinions stated here are our own, not those of our companies, and do not represent those of any other companies. All rights reserved. Used by permission. If you like what you hear, please HIT SUBSCRIBE and leave us a rating and review on Apple Podcasts and other podcasting platforms. Thanks to our sponsor, The Fleshlight. Save 15% on your first purchase with code ROGAN. You don t want to miss it! Subscribe to the show and get 15% off the first purchase when you enter the code "ROGAN" at checkout. It means you get 20% off your entire purchase, plus free shipping and free shipping when you sign up for the offer ends on 1/31/2019. Also, we'll be giving out a coupon to one lucky listener! on the day of the show! Joeson.co/JOERogan and Onnit/Onnit is working on a new product called AlphaBrain, and they'll be running a giveaway on the next episode of the podcast! to help raise awareness about AlphaBrain. Cheers can get a discount on their AlphaBrain! Thank you get a free pack of AlphaBrain and get 10% off their first purchase! Joe Rogans $10,000! and they get a FREE shipping when they run the deal on their first order of $50 or more! they also get a coupon code "Joeson_and they get $5,000, they'll get $25,000 in the deal, and the rest gets a discount. they'll also get $15,000 at $50,000 and they can use it, plus a FREE PROMO AND they get an ad discount on the first place promo code "Joe Rogan does it all, they get it all day, plus they get the rest of the day, too get a chance to redeem $25 and they also receive a discount, and Joe gets an ad on the discount, too!

Transcript

Transcripts from "The Joe Rogan Experience" are sourced from the Knowledge Fight Interactive Search Tool. Explore them interactively here.
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
Topics generated with Qwen2.5-3B-Instruct.
Hosts, guests, and mentioned names generated with spaCy (en_core_web_sm), reconciled against Wikidata.
00:00:00.000 It's destroyed. 1.00
00:00:00.000 Gets fucking jacked. 1.00
00:00:02.000 The Joe Rogan Experience Podcast. 0.99
00:00:04.000 This is a special Sunday edition of the Joe Rogan Experience Podcast. 0.99
00:00:08.000 And we wouldn't even be doing this shit if it wasn't for Jim Gaffigan. 0.91
00:00:12.000 Jim Gaffigan is hilarious and awesome, and we'll talk about him later. 0.98
00:00:17.000 But right now, let's talk about Rubber Vaginas, because we're sponsored by The Fleshlight. 1.00
00:00:20.000 Oh, shalom alaykum.
00:00:22.000 Is it good?
00:00:23.000 Yes, it is.
00:00:24.000 Is it embarrassing? 1.00
00:00:25.000 Fuck yeah, it is. 1.00
00:00:26.000 You gotta make your choices in this life. 1.00
00:00:27.000 You gotta pick your ground.
00:00:29.000 You gotta stand down sometimes.
00:00:31.000 You gotta stand up for what you believe in. 0.99
00:00:33.000 And if you masturbate, this is better than that. 0.99
00:00:35.000 This is on the Christian Broadcasting Network, right? 0.99
00:00:37.000 Yes, yes.
00:00:38.000 Well, the internet side of it.
00:00:40.000 It's really different.
00:00:41.000 It's diametrically opposed.
00:00:42.000 Do you come on before Pat Robertson or after?
00:00:44.000 During the background.
00:00:45.000 It's subliminal.
00:00:46.000 He's under my desk right now kissing me.
00:00:48.000 We do it like Hungry Eat Popcorn.
00:00:49.000 Pat Robertson just came out and said that marijuana should be legal.
00:00:52.000 Isn't that amazing?
00:00:53.000 That's amazing.
00:00:54.000 Makes you want to stop smoking pot.
00:00:55.000 Or it just shows you how crazy it is.
00:00:58.000 He's gotten so crazy. 0.96
00:01:00.000 I mean, we knew he was crazy before he even ran for president. 0.91
00:01:04.000 And now he's like, pot should be legal. 0.99
00:01:07.000 It's like, you know, the Christians are sitting there going, you know, I can deal with Rush calling that Georgetown law student a slut, but pot legal? 0.99
00:01:18.000 Psh! 1.00
00:01:19.000 You know?
00:01:19.000 Or he's just gone so crazy that he's sane.
00:01:22.000 He completely went around like that dude in that...
00:01:25.000 What's that movie?
00:01:26.000 The Mathematician?
00:01:27.000 The guy?
00:01:28.000 Brilliant Madness?
00:01:29.000 Is that what it was?
00:01:30.000 Brilliant Mind.
00:01:31.000 Brilliant Mind.
00:01:31.000 Oh, Brilliant Mind.
00:01:32.000 Remember that?
00:01:33.000 Yeah.
00:01:33.000 Where he learned...
00:01:34.000 Turned around.
00:01:35.000 Turned around and became sane.
00:01:37.000 Went so crazy he became sane. 0.53
00:01:39.000 Anyway, go to JoeRogan.net, click on the link for the fleshlight, enter in the code name ROGAN, save 15% off the number one sex toy for men.
00:01:45.000 You know, if you're buying a sex toy for yourself, what you're looking for is to save 15%.
00:01:50.000 And to get the number one. 0.99
00:01:52.000 You want to know that everybody else is fucking as well. 0.99
00:01:55.000 You don't want to be a trailblazer in the sex toy world. 0.99
00:01:58.000 You want to know this is the one that people have bought it again.
00:02:01.000 Yeah, you get like a six pack of them.
00:02:06.000 Baker's doesn't.
00:02:08.000 Baker's doesn't.
00:02:09.000 We're also sponsored by Onnit.com.
00:02:12.000 O-N-N-I-T. I don't even want to know what that is. 1.00
00:02:15.000 It's a cognitive enhancing supplement.
00:02:18.000 I got a new catchphrase for Onnit, by the way.
00:02:20.000 Okay, go for it.
00:02:20.000 Get up Onnit.
00:02:22.000 You remember like that old, the get up on it, grab it like you want it?
00:02:25.000 I do remember that, but I don't remember liking it.
00:02:28.000 That's not from the same people that did the back off or headache off.
00:02:34.000 No.
00:02:34.000 You know what I mean?
00:02:35.000 No.
00:02:35.000 What was that?
00:02:36.000 Was that something to cure hangovers or something?
00:02:39.000 Do you guys know what I'm talking about?
00:02:41.000 Herbal remedies?
00:02:42.000 Yeah, it was an herbal.
00:02:43.000 Yeah.
00:02:43.000 But it was, that sounds like it's real.
00:02:47.000 Yeah.
00:02:48.000 Well, what AlphaBrain is, it's a nootropic.
00:02:51.000 What nootropics are is there are certain vitamins and nutrients that have been proven to have a benefit on thinking.
00:02:58.000 Oh, really?
00:02:59.000 Yeah, and your brain's production of neurotransmitters.
00:03:02.000 It's a very controversial science, and we're actually running...
00:03:05.000 I'm a part of the company.
00:03:06.000 We're running...
00:03:07.000 Double-blind placebo test.
00:03:09.000 I always thought you were a biologist.
00:03:11.000 I'm not.
00:03:12.000 I'm a scientist.
00:03:12.000 I know nothing.
00:03:14.000 I can't even repeat what they say correctly. 0.95
00:03:16.000 I fucked that up. 0.77
00:03:18.000 But the guy who I'm working with is organizing this whole thing. 0.79
00:03:22.000 What it is, is there's a bunch of different vitamins, not just our company.
00:03:26.000 I always tell people, if you're interested in this stuff at all, just please Google the word nootropic and read all the pros and cons.
00:03:32.000 It's fascinating stuff.
00:03:33.000 But essentially...
00:03:34.000 It's not going to kill you.
00:03:35.000 It's vitamins for your brain.
00:03:36.000 And, you know, like a lot of things, some people have weird allergies and some people have weird reactions to certain things.
00:03:43.000 Some people die if they eat peanuts.
00:03:45.000 The human body's not the same.
00:03:47.000 They're called weak people, right?
00:03:47.000 Is that what it is?
00:03:48.000 Is that how you feel about it?
00:03:49.000 You are blonde, blue-eyed.
00:03:50.000 They wouldn't have made it through Little House on the Prairie.
00:03:54.000 I mean, you know, a lot of people weren't making it through there.
00:03:56.000 But, like, if you're allergic to peanuts...
00:03:58.000 It is a sad one.
00:04:00.000 I don't want to alienate the peanut allergic people.
00:04:02.000 I like the people that are allergic to wheat.
00:04:04.000 That's really common, apparently.
00:04:06.000 Yeah, it's, you know, it's, yeah.
00:04:10.000 Wheat allergies.
00:04:10.000 I mean, it's like, what's next?
00:04:12.000 I'm allergic to air.
00:04:14.000 There was a movie about that.
00:04:16.000 Boy, the plastic bubble.
00:04:17.000 Wasn't he allergic to everything or something?
00:04:19.000 Yeah, he had that little hamster ball.
00:04:22.000 I'm just trying to get through these commercials, ladies and gentlemen.
00:04:24.000 Onnit.com is the website.
00:04:26.000 Go there. 0.99
00:04:27.000 All the answers to all your questions about all this shit is there. 0.99
00:04:29.000 There's a bunch of different supplements that they sell. 0.98
00:04:32.000 There is not just Alpha Brain, but Shroom Tech Sport, which is the endurance supplement.
00:04:38.000 Shroom Tech Immune.
00:04:39.000 All the stuff will be answered at Onnit.com.
00:04:41.000 And if you enter in the code name Rogan, you save yourself 10%. 0.98
00:04:44.000 All right, bitches! 1.00
00:04:46.000 We have a special Sunday! 1.00
00:04:48.000 Sunday!
00:04:52.000 Monster truck guy.
00:04:53.000 Not to be confused with strip club DJ guy.
00:04:56.000 Yeah.
00:04:56.000 They're cousins, right?
00:04:58.000 I think they're related a little bit, right?
00:05:02.000 Is that the music?
00:05:03.000 Were you playing it?
00:05:03.000 Sorry?
00:05:04.000 You didn't commit.
00:05:05.000 Barely commit.
00:05:06.000 We have music that we do.
00:05:07.000 It's just murmuring in the background.
00:05:09.000 Yeah, I don't know what the hell that was.
00:05:10.000 Like a ghost.
00:05:12.000 Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day. 1.00
00:05:17.000 Oh, you did it again with the reverb, you fucking freak. 1.00
00:05:21.000 Strange man, this is Brian Redman. 1.00
00:05:23.000 Very odd character.
00:05:24.000 Unlike Jim Gaffigan.
00:05:25.000 He looks like a serial killer sitting behind him with wires and he's wearing a tie.
00:05:30.000 We just got back from a music video.
00:05:32.000 He never dresses like this.
00:05:33.000 Never.
00:05:34.000 A music video?
00:05:35.000 Yeah, we both usually dress like children.
00:05:37.000 Yeah.
00:05:37.000 Oh, but you're in the video.
00:05:39.000 Yeah, we were in the background.
00:05:40.000 It was a bar scene.
00:05:41.000 Brian and I were holding hands and dancing together.
00:05:43.000 Slow dancing.
00:05:45.000 Not really.
00:05:47.000 We were thinking about doing that, but then we're like, no.
00:05:49.000 Maybe you should just practice it.
00:05:52.000 Just for you.
00:05:53.000 You know, just in case it comes up, Brian.
00:05:54.000 Come on.
00:05:55.000 Come on.
00:05:56.000 Let's lie down and cuddle in case there's a scene where we're supposed to cuddle.
00:06:02.000 Do you want to be an actor or not?
00:06:04.000 Listen, to want to be an actor, you've got to be ready 24-7 to act.
00:06:07.000 You do. 1.00
00:06:08.000 I want you to act like you want to suck my dick. 1.00
00:06:10.000 You know, I mean, not in a gay way, you know? 1.00
00:06:15.000 I have to look at pictures of myself.
00:06:16.000 Yeah, well, it's confusing, right?
00:06:18.000 Yeah.
00:06:19.000 It's constantly doing that.
00:06:20.000 That's what the American public sees right now.
00:06:22.000 Jim Gaffey.
00:06:23.000 Is it also international?
00:06:25.000 Yeah, the world gets it.
00:06:26.000 The world.
00:06:27.000 We're not douchey.
00:06:29.000 We don't keep our friends overseas from getting the feed.
00:06:31.000 No communists are watching this, though.
00:06:33.000 Well, we would hope that they would learn something from this, Jim Gaffigan.
00:06:37.000 Maybe they'll come out of their shell.
00:06:38.000 You ever watch that, was it the Robert De Niro starred in that movie about communism in Hollywood in the 1950s and how crazy it was?
00:06:47.000 Did you ever see that movie?
00:06:48.000 No.
00:06:48.000 I think I know what you're talking about.
00:06:50.000 It was during the McCarthy era where they were just accusing everybody of being a communist.
00:06:54.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:06:55.000 Yes, and that was kind of like that's what prompted the play The Crucible, which was the witch hunt.
00:07:02.000 Yeah.
00:07:03.000 Amazing, right?
00:07:04.000 Yeah, that's crazy.
00:07:05.000 It's kind of hard to believe that that existed just in the 1950s.
00:07:08.000 That's really not that long ago.
00:07:10.000 They were gone after communists.
00:07:12.000 I think that's happening all the time.
00:07:16.000 There's just larger examples of it.
00:07:18.000 You think, like, blackballing is happening all the time.
00:07:20.000 Is that what you mean?
00:07:21.000 Well, I think that we have a tendency to a paranoia, I think.
00:07:26.000 Sure.
00:07:27.000 You know what I mean?
00:07:27.000 Oh, yeah.
00:07:28.000 Yeah, definitely. 0.99
00:07:28.000 Like, you know, the Arabs in this country or Muslims had to go through some shit because I think right after 9-11 people were like, huh? 0.99
00:07:37.000 You know what I mean? 1.00
00:07:38.000 I'm not talking about just the idiots. 1.00
00:07:39.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00
00:07:40.000 Well, a lot of, like, Sikhs had to go through a lot of shit. 1.00
00:07:42.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:07:42.000 Guys who are Indian, they have a real problem. 1.00
00:07:44.000 I mean, it's so ignorant. 1.00
00:07:45.000 It's like, You're not even talking about the same continent, you silly people. 1.00
00:07:49.000 I know. 0.99
00:07:49.000 I know. 0.99
00:07:51.000 I didn't deal with any of that Muslim backlash.
00:07:54.000 Skated right through, didn't you?
00:07:55.000 I didn't deal with any of that.
00:07:56.000 Not even a little.
00:07:58.000 Nothing.
00:07:58.000 But people didn't even...
00:07:59.000 They didn't think I was Muslim at all.
00:08:04.000 Yeah, do you think that there's a backlash to being Muslim?
00:08:07.000 Well, I don't think there is if you're like...
00:08:09.000 I think if you were like a Muslim actor...
00:08:13.000 Wasn't there like a Muslim actor on Lost?
00:08:16.000 It was kind of a cool part of his personality.
00:08:19.000 Remember that was kind of a cool part of his personality?
00:08:22.000 I think there's been representations.
00:08:24.000 I think for sure the majority opinion is people are scared, jihadists, suicide bombers, all that stuff.
00:08:32.000 But I think more now than ever you get a little bit of a positive perspective on You can't call them the same thing.
00:08:44.000 The guy from Lost, he was a positive character.
00:08:47.000 He was a badass.
00:08:48.000 He played a guy who tortured people in Iraq.
00:08:52.000 He still liked him.
00:08:54.000 It was a really interesting story. 1.00
00:08:58.000 Torture and kill people. 1.00
00:08:59.000 It was fascinating how that was a part of his life and that he was shamed by it later and really fucked with him. 1.00
00:09:06.000 That was a great character. 0.99
00:09:08.000 Yeah, that was amazing.
00:09:09.000 That was a great character.
00:09:11.000 That show was, for the longest time, one of the greatest shows of all time.
00:09:15.000 The end, I didn't really get...
00:09:16.000 At the end of it, it seemed like everybody was just walking through the motions.
00:09:19.000 The last few episodes, I quit.
00:09:20.000 I miss that show.
00:09:21.000 But I do, too.
00:09:22.000 It's on...
00:09:23.000 Yeah.
00:09:24.000 Oh, I thought you said you missed it.
00:09:25.000 No, I missed it.
00:09:26.000 I watched it on Netflix and paid for it on iTunes.
00:09:30.000 Yeah.
00:09:30.000 Yeah, I did as well.
00:09:31.000 I even have the DVDs, which I never buy.
00:09:33.000 I got the Blu-rays.
00:09:33.000 It's one of the greatest shows of all time.
00:09:36.000 And no matter who you are, I don't care how creative you are, when you're doing a crazy fucking show where people are allowed to travel back in time and do all kinds of nutty shit from this magical island that doesn't even exist, when you're doing something like that, after a while, man, you've got to run dry. 0.99
00:09:51.000 It must be exhausting trying to think of nutty shit that you're going to do on this fucking island. 0.98
00:09:56.000 Yeah, I mean, it's got to be amazing to also kind of tie it together with some semblance of logic. 0.99
00:10:04.000 You're like, alright, so we're going to go back in time.
00:10:06.000 What would happen if we went back in time?
00:10:08.000 But we still want that one character in there, you know?
00:10:12.000 So they had to... 1.00
00:10:13.000 They had weird shit too. 1.00
00:10:14.000 Remember they had polar bears in the beginning? 0.99
00:10:16.000 Yeah.
00:10:16.000 And then they stopped having polar bears.
00:10:18.000 Yeah.
00:10:19.000 Things disappeared, right?
00:10:21.000 There was that foot that had like four toes.
00:10:23.000 Yeah, the statue.
00:10:25.000 Oh yeah.
00:10:26.000 That was never explained.
00:10:26.000 And then they started going forward in time.
00:10:28.000 Remember when Jack had a beard and they were sitting on that bridge and they were like, what happened?
00:10:33.000 Yeah. 0.99
00:10:33.000 Great goddamn show. 0.99
00:10:34.000 Especially considering it had to operate within the parameters of an ABC primetime show. 1.00
00:10:39.000 It's insane.
00:10:40.000 It's amazing.
00:10:41.000 I don't know how...
00:10:42.000 It's the hardest job in the world.
00:10:45.000 I don't think shows like that would have a shot.
00:10:49.000 Yeah.
00:10:49.000 You know, Homeland's a good show.
00:10:51.000 Have you watched that?
00:10:51.000 No, I haven't.
00:10:52.000 I gave up after Lost.
00:10:54.000 You did?
00:10:54.000 So you just don't watch television?
00:10:56.000 I don't watch anything that's real.
00:10:58.000 The show ended and you threw your flat screen out the window.
00:11:00.000 Elvis the TV. I only watched...
00:11:03.000 That's it.
00:11:04.000 I'm done.
00:11:05.000 I watched...
00:11:06.000 It's not a good thing.
00:11:07.000 It's not Benny Virtue.
00:11:08.000 I watched Bigfoot Hunter. 0.99
00:11:09.000 I watched fucking two episodes. 0.99
00:11:11.000 I had DVR to Finding Bigfoot. 1.00
00:11:11.000 There's a show called Bigfoot Hunter? 1.00
00:11:13.000 Finding Bigfoot or something.
00:11:15.000 And it's like a series where they have more than one episode.
00:11:18.000 Oh, dude.
00:11:18.000 It's amazing.
00:11:18.000 You think after the first episode, they'd be like, yeah, we're not going to find them.
00:11:21.000 Well, it's awesome.
00:11:22.000 No, the best part about it is the beginning.
00:11:24.000 The guy says, I've been hunting Sasquatches for 25 years.
00:11:27.000 You're like, quit now.
00:11:29.000 Quit.
00:11:29.000 Quit now.
00:11:30.000 You haven't even got a video of one. 1.00
00:11:31.000 You crazy asshole. 1.00
00:11:33.000 You know, it's like, hey, you know how those ghost shows are really not realistic? 1.00
00:11:37.000 Like, they never really find a ghost.
00:11:39.000 What if we did it with Sasquatches? 0.98
00:11:41.000 What's next?
00:11:41.000 Like, Chupacabra?
00:11:42.000 Sure!
00:11:43.000 If they can sell it, they would have it. 1.00
00:11:45.000 It's a fun show to watch, though, because it's so stupid. 0.98
00:11:48.000 I mean, first of all, everyone has a video that they want you to analyze that may have been a Sasquatch, so they have to recreate the scene in the video. 0.99
00:11:54.000 Oh, sweet.
00:11:55.000 It looks so silly, because the people knew exactly where the car was, and this is the tree, and so they line it up on the camera, and then they have this big guy named Bobo, who kind of looks like a Bigfoot, and he goes out there and he does exactly what, and he's always way bigger than the Bigfoot in the video, so it always proves that it wasn't really a Bigfoot boy dude.
00:12:11.000 That's on his resume right now.
00:12:13.000 Oh, I see here.
00:12:14.000 You were Bigfoot.
00:12:15.000 Yep, I was Bigfoot.
00:12:17.000 Season one.
00:12:17.000 Season two, they replaced me.
00:12:18.000 It was like a contract association.
00:12:21.000 Do you remember when Harry and the Hendersons...
00:12:23.000 I wanted to make Bigfoot more empathetic and...
00:12:25.000 Harry and the Hendersons, like a whole family lived with Bigfoot.
00:12:28.000 You know why not?
00:12:30.000 Imagine my kids are I don't even trust dogs that I don't know. 1.00
00:12:39.000 This guy's got a fucking Bigfoot hanging out with his kids. 0.99
00:12:41.000 You know what? 1.00
00:12:41.000 He probably told these stupid humans a thing or two about love. 1.00
00:12:45.000 Oh. 1.00
00:12:50.000 Yep.
00:12:51.000 Harry and the Henderson...
00:12:52.000 There's never been a real good Bigfoot movie.
00:12:54.000 How about that?
00:12:56.000 Nobody's ever stepped up.
00:12:57.000 And it's not like the bar has been set that high.
00:13:03.000 The bar is incredibly low.
00:13:04.000 The bar is all fraudulent videos.
00:13:06.000 That's the closest thing to a Bigfoot movie.
00:13:08.000 And I would think after season one, there's a lot of people that watch the show and they're like, why not?
00:13:13.000 I think you should submit a video.
00:13:17.000 How come there's never been a...
00:13:18.000 I mean, there was some really bad ones in the 70s or some swamp thing, monster guy.
00:13:24.000 But there's never been a movie, a good movie, about a bunch of people that encountered Bigfoot.
00:13:30.000 How is that possible?
00:13:31.000 That you have such a folklore that has completely permeated society.
00:13:35.000 He's not sexy enough.
00:13:36.000 But no one's ever made a...
00:13:36.000 Not sexy.
00:13:37.000 Bigfoot?
00:13:38.000 No, Bigfoot's not sexy.
00:13:38.000 No one's ever made a movie about finding Bigfoot.
00:13:40.000 That's amazing.
00:13:41.000 That's true.
00:13:42.000 That's incredible, really.
00:13:43.000 When you think about how popular it is, you'd think that movie would be huge.
00:13:46.000 Some of the movie ideas they're doing, it's based on a matchbook.
00:13:51.000 So you'd think they'd have Bigfoot.
00:13:53.000 Especially in romantic comedies, when you hear some romantic comedy premise and you're like, what?
00:13:58.000 I don't understand.
00:13:59.000 And they finally meet again at 60. You know, I sometimes feel like I just established consciousness when I was, like, 30. Because, like, romantic comedies, like...
00:14:10.000 You know, I was so dumb, I think, in my 20s that, like, when... 0.65
00:14:13.000 You know, it would be, like... 0.90
00:14:15.000 You know, Meg Ryan and Billy Crystal, you know, like...
00:14:19.000 Harry Met Sally.
00:14:20.000 Like, to me, that was just a movie.
00:14:22.000 I didn't consider that a romantic comedy, which it was.
00:14:24.000 But now it's, like, this genre...
00:14:27.000 That has always existed, but they just kind of like just churn out these just like sausage romantic comedies.
00:14:32.000 Those didn't exist before.
00:14:33.000 You know what existed?
00:14:34.000 Movies were when a woman got mouthy, the man gave her the back of her hand. 1.00
00:14:38.000 Yep.
00:14:39.000 Back of his hand.
00:14:40.000 Right?
00:14:41.000 That's what they used to do.
00:14:42.000 To the moon, Alice.
00:14:42.000 Yeah.
00:14:43.000 Yeah, all that stuff.
00:14:44.000 Those were the good old days. 0.99
00:14:45.000 Billy Crystal fucked us. 0.99
00:14:47.000 Billy Crystal fucked us. 1.00
00:14:48.000 What? 1.00
00:14:48.000 He fucked us in Harry Met Sally. 1.00
00:14:50.000 He did nothing wrong. 1.00
00:14:50.000 He tried to be manly. 1.00
00:14:53.000 He tried to like be the best...
00:14:55.000 Oh, that's...
00:14:56.000 Example.
00:14:57.000 And then he caved.
00:14:58.000 That or sleep is in Seattle.
00:14:59.000 Because he...
00:15:00.000 So you see when Harry met Sally...
00:15:03.000 Harry met Sally is like...
00:15:05.000 It's like a sad ending to you.
00:15:07.000 You're like, you know what?
00:15:09.000 Everyone You're like, yep, there you go.
00:15:12.000 It just seems like the relationship seems like so much work.
00:15:16.000 I'm never happy when a relationship that seems like so much work works out.
00:15:19.000 Because I don't buy it.
00:15:20.000 I'm not buying it.
00:15:22.000 It's not going to last.
00:15:23.000 You guys fight too much.
00:15:24.000 There's a lot of people in relationships.
00:15:26.000 You just think that they're all acting.
00:15:28.000 You're like...
00:15:28.000 No!
00:15:29.000 I don't want Joe Rogan to think that I can't do this.
00:15:32.000 Listen, everyone has been in good and bad relationships.
00:15:34.000 That's not what I'm saying.
00:15:35.000 I'm saying when one is a battle, one is a crazy battle in Carrie Met Sally.
00:15:39.000 Oh yeah, no, where they have nothing in common.
00:15:41.000 It's like we hate each other.
00:15:43.000 We don't get along, but we got drunk one night and made out, so maybe we should get married.
00:15:48.000 Is it getting to the point, you know, I'm 44. How old are you?
00:15:52.000 21. You look great.
00:15:54.000 Is it getting to the point yet where you look at older married folks that are just barely into each other, barely can communicate with each other, and you look at it and you go, I can see how that can happen. 0.83
00:16:08.000 I don't know.
00:16:09.000 Not...
00:16:09.000 I don't...
00:16:10.000 Yeah, definitely.
00:16:11.000 You'd see how it could happen, right?
00:16:12.000 But there's nothing normal about what we do.
00:16:17.000 You know what I mean?
00:16:17.000 Like, I think in some of those married couples, it's like I do everything with my wife.
00:16:21.000 So it's not as if...
00:16:23.000 You know, the conversation went like, the silent man, like, don't talk to me, Virginia.
00:16:30.000 You know, like where they don't talk.
00:16:31.000 You let your wife talk? 1.00
00:16:31.000 Is that what you're trying to say? 1.00
00:16:32.000 You know, yes.
00:16:33.000 On Tuesdays, she's allowed to talk.
00:16:36.000 No, but there's that complete communication breakdown.
00:16:41.000 I don't know.
00:16:42.000 That's the only reason to be married. 0.98
00:16:44.000 In my opinion, the only way you should ever...
00:16:46.000 I mean, other than children.
00:16:47.000 And that, of course, kind of goes with the whole package of that sort of relationship, the really intense relationship.
00:16:52.000 That's homophobic of you.
00:16:53.000 Thank you. 0.89
00:16:53.000 But the only reason why you should is because you feel like that. 0.89
00:16:57.000 That's it.
00:16:58.000 And if you don't...
00:16:59.000 But it's not easy.
00:17:00.000 No, it's not.
00:17:01.000 There's definitely moments where you're like, this is too hard.
00:17:05.000 But... 1.00
00:17:06.000 That's what whores are for. 1.00
00:17:08.000 That's what? 1.00
00:17:08.000 Whores. 1.00
00:17:09.000 No, that's what, you know, you've got to suck it up. 1.00
00:17:12.000 You've got to go long-term.
00:17:14.000 You know, it's like stand-up comedy.
00:17:15.000 You know, I don't know, maybe you probably did all right. 1.00
00:17:18.000 But, you know, there's a lot of nights where you just eat shit. 1.00
00:17:21.000 Oh, I ate dick. 1.00
00:17:22.000 But you're committed. 1.00
00:17:23.000 You've made the commitment.
00:17:25.000 Remember when you had friends that quit comedy?
00:17:28.000 And they'd be like, I'm quitting.
00:17:29.000 And you'd look at them and you'd go, I don't think I could ever quit.
00:17:32.000 I mean, I really feel that way.
00:17:33.000 It's like...
00:17:35.000 This is not something like, you know, I'll try this and then maybe I'll try archery.
00:17:38.000 It's not like I had a choice in this.
00:17:40.000 It's like I was resigned to be like the weird old uncle.
00:17:44.000 I didn't think that I... When you're constantly making people laugh like you are, even just we're having this conversation, all the three of us, there's that feeling that you get when you're laughing really hard at something where all of our brains are like...
00:17:55.000 It's like a real energy that goes off when you're really laughing hard at something. 0.98
00:18:00.000 People fucking love that. 0.98
00:18:02.000 You love it. 1.00
00:18:03.000 They love it.
00:18:04.000 You love to do it.
00:18:05.000 It's one of the most fun things to be able to do.
00:18:06.000 To do that to a whole room full of people, to go out and see it, it's one of the most fun things for them to see.
00:18:12.000 Why would you quit?
00:18:13.000 What are you doing?
00:18:14.000 I mean, it's...
00:18:16.000 It's an absolute heroine, right?
00:18:18.000 Going on stage and being able to make a crowd laugh or just coming up with a new joke.
00:18:25.000 And by the way, I feel like it's also a responsibility because there's Jim Gaffigan fans out there and you got them addicted to Jim Gaffigan humor and you got to keep coming.
00:18:33.000 You got to keep showing up.
00:18:34.000 You got to keep touring.
00:18:35.000 You got to keep coming to them.
00:18:36.000 They want to come see you again.
00:18:37.000 Well, you know, I think it's also, you know, even though I think...
00:18:41.000 Fan is...
00:18:41.000 I mean, that's a different type.
00:18:43.000 It's a weird word.
00:18:44.000 I think it's a weird word, particularly for me, but I think it's also really important to, like, do well.
00:18:50.000 You know what I mean?
00:18:51.000 Yes. 0.93
00:18:51.000 Not suck. 0.93
00:18:54.000 Well, you know, if people are paying 30 bucks, it's like, they better leave.
00:18:59.000 Like, if they don't leave going, that was great.
00:19:01.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:19:02.000 You fucked up. 1.00
00:19:03.000 Some of my most inspirational moments in comedy have been from reading a review of someone who said, like, oh, I thought it was boring, or, oh, I didn't like it. 1.00
00:19:12.000 And I've read those before, and even if you know it's just one douchebag, sometimes it just makes you like, just that anybody can think like that, I have to stop that. 0.92
00:19:21.000 You might not like the subject matter, but if anybody thinks that it wasn't a good show, I need to fix whatever the fuck that is. 0.93
00:19:29.000 It's interesting, because there's also... 0.73
00:19:32.000 There's the new material police, which is kind of, it's painful, but it's also good.
00:19:40.000 It's kind of like, you know, people are like, well, you know, like, 79% of the show was new, you know?
00:19:48.000 And then there's some people, like, you could do, like, you know, 45 minutes new and do, like, 15 minutes old, and they're like, it was all old material.
00:19:56.000 You're like, what about the first 45 minutes?
00:19:59.000 Yeah, people will definitely do that.
00:20:00.000 And I like hearing, like, Joey Diaz has some jokes I can hear over and over and over again.
00:20:05.000 I want to hear some, like, when I go to see a guy, and, you know, he's a guy that I've been seeing over the last year or two, I don't mind seeing those jokes over and over again.
00:20:14.000 I certainly don't expect in a year that he's going to have a whole new act.
00:20:17.000 Yeah.
00:20:18.000 Unless you just put something out, and that's the crazy...
00:20:20.000 And you're about to do that right now, right?
00:20:22.000 Do you do the same thing?
00:20:23.000 You toss everything out, then you start pretty much fresh?
00:20:26.000 I'm...
00:20:26.000 You know, yeah.
00:20:28.000 I mean, when I'm in New York, but if I'm doing a theater, I think the most important thing is to try and make it half new, at least.
00:20:36.000 But also, make sure that it's a really good show.
00:20:39.000 So...
00:20:40.000 There is something about...
00:20:42.000 Like, I don't want to...
00:20:43.000 I don't want people...
00:20:44.000 Because, like you said, some people want to hear the old stuff.
00:20:47.000 It is that weird thing, though.
00:20:48.000 Yeah.
00:20:49.000 I mean, like, a week ago, it was all new.
00:20:51.000 It was, like, 75 minutes new.
00:20:53.000 But...
00:20:54.000 And I have stuff that I didn't put in this, you know, like, maybe 20 minutes.
00:20:59.000 So I'll start...
00:21:00.000 Over with that 20 minutes and kind of throw stuff out.
00:21:04.000 But when I'm doing a show, it's got to be...
00:21:08.000 Boom.
00:21:08.000 It's got to be boom.
00:21:09.000 Yeah.
00:21:10.000 You know what I mean?
00:21:10.000 You've got a lot of people coming to see you.
00:21:11.000 Even though mine might be like, boom.
00:21:15.000 Yeah.
00:21:15.000 But I love...
00:21:16.000 I think...
00:21:17.000 I'm sorry.
00:21:17.000 I'm not going to let you talk.
00:21:18.000 But I think that's what's so amazing about...
00:21:21.000 We're making each other laugh here.
00:21:23.000 But that's some of why...
00:21:27.000 Podcasts are so fun.
00:21:28.000 It's like comedians want to talk to other comedians.
00:21:30.000 We just don't have the opportunity.
00:21:32.000 And so, you know, getting the opportunity to do something like this, you're like, well, yeah, no, I'd love to talk to Joe.
00:21:39.000 You know what I mean?
00:21:39.000 Yeah.
00:21:40.000 And you were so nice because I asked to do it that you said...
00:21:43.000 Well, I'm really excited that you're doing your special the same way Louis C.K. did it.
00:21:47.000 You're going to release it completely on the internet.
00:21:50.000 The same price.
00:21:51.000 I think Louis kind of established it, right?
00:21:52.000 Five bucks.
00:21:53.000 I'm going to do the same thing.
00:21:54.000 Yeah.
00:21:55.000 Well, I think it's, you know, Louis is not the first person to sell something on the internet, but I think he figured it out a real simple thing.
00:22:05.000 It's like you keep it as cheap.
00:22:06.000 You keep it cheap.
00:22:08.000 Five dollars is not going to kill anyone.
00:22:10.000 And then you make it really easy to buy.
00:22:13.000 And then you're just honest.
00:22:15.000 And good.
00:22:16.000 People are looking forward to seeing Louie's stuff.
00:22:19.000 And Louie's the guy that, in my opinion, is the most prolific, I think.
00:22:23.000 I don't think there's anybody as prolific as him.
00:22:25.000 Every year, a whole new hour and a half or whatever the hell it is.
00:22:29.000 This whole new show.
00:22:30.000 I did a show with him in Boston like two weeks ago.
00:22:35.000 And he...
00:22:36.000 This is going to freak you out.
00:22:37.000 I'm not sure about this, but I'm pretty positive.
00:22:40.000 He goes, yeah, I was writing material and I need 45 minutes for my show.
00:22:45.000 For the comedy section of his show.
00:22:48.000 And I'm sitting there going...
00:22:50.000 Wait a minute.
00:22:51.000 So that 45 minutes that he's written for his show, for his 8 or 10 episodes or whatever of that show, that 45 minutes isn't even going to be part of his next hour, which he'll do probably in two months.
00:23:04.000 Really?
00:23:05.000 Oh my god, that's insane.
00:23:06.000 I mean, I'm not in two months, but I think he does an hour a year.
00:23:10.000 Crazy.
00:23:11.000 So that's...
00:23:12.000 I heard that and I was like, wow.
00:23:15.000 Yeah, he must just put himself in weird situations to make things happen that are funny to talk about.
00:23:20.000 At a certain point in time, you just start driving to bad neighborhoods and going to massage parlors you don't even want to be at.
00:23:25.000 Reading every book on premises.
00:23:28.000 Yeah, on anything.
00:23:29.000 Because I talk a lot about food and I feel as though there's no more food.
00:23:33.000 I've talked about all that.
00:23:35.000 It's like...
00:23:36.000 Yeah.
00:23:36.000 I have a theme of animals that can kill you.
00:23:39.000 I'm always fascinated and terrified by animals that can kill you.
00:23:42.000 How many tiger jokes can I do?
00:23:44.000 It's so funny.
00:23:46.000 I could listen to you talk about Lean Pockets all day, though.
00:23:49.000 Because I am a huge...
00:23:50.000 Like, I eat more Lean Pockets than...
00:23:51.000 I think it's Hot Pockets.
00:23:52.000 Well, I do Lean because I'm on a diet because he's a lady. 1.00
00:23:54.000 But I seriously eat it.
00:23:57.000 I'm joking.
00:23:58.000 But I eat like four a week.
00:24:00.000 It's simple.
00:24:01.000 It's so easy.
00:24:02.000 That's really not good for you.
00:24:04.000 That's the blessing and the curse of Hot Pockets, right?
00:24:07.000 It changed my life, that joke.
00:24:10.000 Hopefully, you know, the whole Beyond the Pale was good, but it's like...
00:24:14.000 That Hot Pocket, it's a blessing, right?
00:24:17.000 It's opened up so many opportunities.
00:24:19.000 Yet, you know, me walking through the airport with people yelling Hot Pocket is not my favorite thing, right?
00:24:25.000 I mean, I don't even know how to respond to it.
00:24:27.000 Do you get discounts for the coupons?
00:24:29.000 Do they send you any kind of free?
00:24:30.000 No, but I used to have theater shows and they used to have a guy dressed as a Hot Pocket standing outside passing out coupons or coupons.
00:24:38.000 Oh, wow.
00:24:38.000 For Hot Pockets?
00:24:40.000 For Hot Pockets.
00:24:41.000 That's awesome.
00:24:41.000 Wow.
00:24:42.000 Did you make a deal with Hot Pockets?
00:24:44.000 No.
00:24:45.000 People thought that I was in cahoots with them, and I was like, I had to send a letter.
00:24:49.000 You guys can't do that.
00:24:51.000 Yeah, you gotta pay me.
00:24:52.000 Yeah.
00:24:53.000 Right?
00:24:53.000 They have to pay you to do that.
00:24:54.000 Also, I don't wanna be...
00:24:55.000 You don't wanna be associated with a food product?
00:24:57.000 I don't wanna further feed the Hot Pocket thing, you know? 0.98
00:25:00.000 Yeah, you don't want people actually buying Hot Pockets and having fucking heart attacks on your behalf, right? 0.94
00:25:05.000 It's one thing to crack jokes about it. 0.97
00:25:07.000 So, you're doing this special.
00:25:09.000 When you get done with it...
00:25:10.000 I'm gonna release it on the internet the same way.
00:25:11.000 And are you going to start from all new?
00:25:15.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:25:16.000 You're going to just go on stage.
00:25:18.000 Well, the Ice House here in Pasadena has an annex room.
00:25:21.000 It's an 85-seat room.
00:25:23.000 And we've been doing a lot of shows there. 0.99
00:25:25.000 And it's like the best place ever for fucking around and coming up with new shit. 1.00
00:25:29.000 Oh, really? 1.00
00:25:30.000 Because it's really small.
00:25:31.000 It's super intimate.
00:25:32.000 It's like real relaxed.
00:25:33.000 And they kind of know that that's what we're doing.
00:25:36.000 Oh, right.
00:25:37.000 So we have these podcast shows where all the comics will come and sit around and do a podcast.
00:25:42.000 Then each one will go on stage and then come back and join the podcast.
00:25:44.000 Like a green room podcast.
00:25:45.000 Oh, wow.
00:25:46.000 Yeah, but it's a real green room.
00:25:47.000 I mean, it really is us right before we go on stage.
00:25:50.000 And you see, like, how much time do I have left?
00:25:52.000 He's on now? 1.00
00:25:53.000 Oh, shit. 1.00
00:25:54.000 I got to go, ladies and gentlemen. 0.98
00:25:55.000 Thank you very much.
00:25:55.000 Boom.
00:25:56.000 And guys will leave.
00:25:57.000 Then they'll come back in.
00:25:57.000 Oh, that's fun.
00:25:58.000 Hey, Joey Diaz just returned.
00:26:00.000 How are they? 0.98
00:26:00.000 Oh, they're fucking fantastic. 0.98
00:26:01.000 And then he'll start talking about the show. 0.98
00:26:03.000 Yeah, you gotta do it.
00:26:04.000 Oh, that's fun.
00:26:05.000 Yeah, it's really fun.
00:26:06.000 Because then you might have a different interpretation of the audience.
00:26:10.000 Yeah.
00:26:11.000 Well, yeah, there's definitely that.
00:26:12.000 And there's also, when you come back here, there's like this party going on.
00:26:16.000 There's all these people. 0.98
00:26:17.000 And Russell Peters came by with fucking ten people with him. 0.99
00:26:20.000 It's always something crazy like that.
00:26:22.000 So it's like it's like a fun it's a fun environment and the shows are amazing and to me it's like I'm just gonna concentrate on doing a lot of those shows like really small shows and I have a bunch of ideas that I haven't like fleshed out yet right right that's nice chuck them in there and see what's up little kernels do you feel like the podcast is influencing your act Oh yeah, for sure.
00:26:42.000 Yeah.
00:26:43.000 Well, it also changed my audience entirely.
00:26:45.000 Really?
00:26:46.000 My audience at one point was like a combination of Fear Factor people, which were fading away, and it was mostly like UFC fans that were kind of curious.
00:26:54.000 And then, you know, it was still half of them knew what I was doing, but now it's 100%.
00:26:59.000 Now it's like literally 90 to 100% of the audience is all podcast fans.
00:27:03.000 So they know you 100%.
00:27:04.000 They know you as much as anyone could know you ever.
00:27:08.000 That's fun.
00:27:09.000 Yeah. 0.93
00:27:09.000 Huge gay base. 0.93
00:27:10.000 Huge. 1.00
00:27:11.000 Huge gay base. 0.99
00:27:12.000 Especially women. 1.00
00:27:13.000 Tall ones.
00:27:14.000 Yeah.
00:27:14.000 Lumberjack women.
00:27:15.000 Yeah.
00:27:15.000 You're not describing the type of women you like.
00:27:17.000 Doesn't bother me.
00:27:18.000 You like, right.
00:27:19.000 Hey, man.
00:27:19.000 I'm open to anything.
00:27:21.000 It's all dependent on what kind of situation I'm in at the time. 0.96
00:27:24.000 Do you think there's a guy out there that just goes after the butchiest lesbians? 1.00
00:27:28.000 Of course. 0.92
00:27:29.000 There's people that like everything, man.
00:27:31.000 There's a broad spectrum.
00:27:33.000 You've met people.
00:27:34.000 Have you met people?
00:27:36.000 I've met a few people behind a 7-Eleven in West Hollywood.
00:27:41.000 Yeah.
00:27:42.000 Shouldn't have went there.
00:27:43.000 That was too easy.
00:27:44.000 You ruined the vibe of the room.
00:27:45.000 I'm sorry.
00:27:46.000 I didn't mean to bring up compasses.
00:27:50.000 He's talking about gay neighborhoods in Hollywood. 0.87
00:27:53.000 Is that West Hollywood, the gayest one? 1.00
00:27:54.000 That's the gayest part of the world, pretty much. 1.00
00:27:56.000 We were in Compton today.
00:27:58.000 I was thinking Compton, like, oh my god, we have to go to Compton.
00:28:01.000 That's just scary.
00:28:02.000 It was, like, nice there.
00:28:03.000 Yeah, well, the part where we were at was not where people live.
00:28:07.000 We were in an industrial area.
00:28:09.000 He's thinking about it.
00:28:09.000 It's cheap.
00:28:10.000 He's thinking about going Total Street just for the cred.
00:28:12.000 I'm actually from Compton.
00:28:14.000 Are you really?
00:28:16.000 Sue.
00:28:17.000 Main Street.
00:28:18.000 Main Street Rosa Parks Avenue Right in the corner Compton We were in a Honey Honey music video Honey Honey is this band that we just found out about like a couple weeks ago and they're like one of my new favorite bands and I went to see them perform in LA. I got to meet them and then they came and did the podcast.
00:28:38.000 They were fucking amazing and just really cool people and really really talented.
00:28:42.000 And so Brian and I were in a music video today. 0.98
00:28:44.000 It was super awesome to meet.
00:28:46.000 Jason Ritter was there.
00:28:47.000 And so the whole afternoon I just got to sit down and hang out with Jason Ritter.
00:28:50.000 And I'm a huge John Ritter fan.
00:28:52.000 So it's just so fucking weird that I'm sitting there.
00:28:55.000 That's the guy that was on that one show. 0.75
00:28:58.000 The event?
00:28:58.000 The event.
00:28:59.000 No, no.
00:29:00.000 John Ritter was like, he was like one of the nicest guys.
00:29:02.000 You ever worked with him?
00:29:03.000 Yeah, I did news radio with him.
00:29:04.000 He did a couple episodes of news radio.
00:29:06.000 He was great.
00:29:07.000 He was awesome.
00:29:07.000 What a nice guy.
00:29:08.000 Yeah, super, super nice guy.
00:29:10.000 Yeah, that one was like...
00:29:12.000 When a guy like that dies, you're like, wow, really?
00:29:14.000 Really?
00:29:15.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:29:16.000 It's like 50 or something like that.
00:29:18.000 That affected me more than any celebrity death.
00:29:20.000 Like, all the other celebrities, like, I don't know that person.
00:29:22.000 Yeah, it sucks that they're gone, but for some reason, I still think about John Ritter all the time.
00:29:26.000 I would say that was up there, but Phil Hartman doused it for me. 0.84
00:29:29.000 That was the craziest one.
00:29:31.000 That's crazy.
00:29:33.000 Yeah.
00:29:34.000 Yeah, John Ritter was hilarious.
00:29:35.000 He was a really funny guy offstage, too.
00:29:37.000 Like, in between takes.
00:29:38.000 Did you ever do anything with him?
00:29:40.000 Yeah, I did an episode of Ellen's second sitcom with him.
00:29:46.000 And he was like a really nice guy.
00:29:48.000 It's so interesting, you know, like the actors that when we were kids, you know, like John Ritter was like, I don't know who to compare him.
00:29:57.000 He was like the Jerry Seinfeld when we were like kids, wasn't he?
00:30:00.000 He was pretty huge.
00:30:01.000 Yeah.
00:30:02.000 And such a nice guy.
00:30:04.000 Great guy.
00:30:05.000 You know?
00:30:06.000 Who was the guy who was the director?
00:30:09.000 He was in Starsky and Hutch, and now he's a director.
00:30:11.000 Do you know who I'm talking about? 0.99
00:30:14.000 God damn it. 1.00
00:30:15.000 Jay? 1.00
00:30:16.000 He's the guy whose wife, I believe, died of AIDS. Really?
00:30:21.000 Yeah.
00:30:22.000 Yeah.
00:30:23.000 God, I can't remember his name.
00:30:24.000 Can you find that, Brian?
00:30:26.000 Just Starsky and Hutch.
00:30:27.000 The movie.
00:30:28.000 Or the TV show, rather.
00:30:30.000 The TV show?
00:30:31.000 Yeah, the TV show.
00:30:32.000 Not the movie with Ben Stiller.
00:30:33.000 Not the new one.
00:30:34.000 The old one. 0.98
00:30:35.000 When I was a kid, I fucking loved this show. 0.98
00:30:38.000 Starsky and Hutch. 0.97
00:30:39.000 Yeah, and then one day...
00:30:40.000 It's Starsky and Hutch.
00:30:41.000 You seem like you could be a character on Starsky and Hutch.
00:30:44.000 Thank you so much.
00:30:45.000 I really love you.
00:30:45.000 No, you know what I mean?
00:30:46.000 No, because it's...
00:30:47.000 That was back in that 70s era.
00:30:49.000 You know, like, who was Peter Falk?
00:30:52.000 He was one.
00:30:53.000 Yeah, Columbo.
00:30:54.000 Columbo, and then there was an...
00:30:56.000 Beretta? 0.89
00:30:56.000 I mean, there was, like, the fat guy. 0.89
00:30:58.000 Kojak.
00:30:59.000 What was the fat guy that was the detective?
00:31:01.000 It was a little later. 0.97
00:31:02.000 Fat guy.
00:31:03.000 Jake and the Fat Man? 0.63
00:31:04.000 Oh, Jake and the Fat Man.
00:31:05.000 But that guy...
00:31:06.000 Like, that was the last TV show for, like... 0.71
00:31:09.000 Fat people. 0.97
00:31:10.000 For fat people. 0.98
00:31:12.000 You know, that was it.
00:31:13.000 They're like, sorry, you know what, Dennis France, come on in, you can get an Emmy.
00:31:16.000 But like, the guy was a lead, and he, you know, Dennis France was just like a regular looking guy, but that guy, Jake and the Fat Man, the lead character was...
00:31:26.000 A big fat guy.
00:31:27.000 Do you remember Samo Hung? 0.80
00:31:29.000 He had a show on CBS with Arsenio Hall, and he was a fat kung fu guy. 1.00
00:31:35.000 And he'd beat everybody up.
00:31:37.000 Do you remember that, Brian?
00:31:38.000 No.
00:31:39.000 Goddammit, I can't remember the name of the show. 0.99
00:31:40.000 But yeah, he was like a legit kung fu movie star, but he was fat. 0.97
00:31:44.000 And he could throw kicks and head kicks and he could do everything, but he was a fat guy. 0.99
00:31:48.000 And he would fuck guys up. 1.00
00:31:51.000 Right. 0.99
00:31:52.000 I wonder what he's doing.
00:31:53.000 I don't know.
00:31:54.000 But he was a fat guy that also had a good gig.
00:31:57.000 He had a good gig.
00:31:58.000 A good solid TV kid.
00:31:59.000 You know, I would be considered a severely obese person on TV. Well, I guess The Biggest Loser, there's big people on that, right?
00:32:09.000 There's very big people on The Biggest Loser.
00:32:11.000 But there's the emphasis on attractive people.
00:32:17.000 In movies and television is...
00:32:19.000 It's not like disproportionate.
00:32:22.000 It's like ridiculously disproportionate.
00:32:25.000 Right.
00:32:25.000 But when you need a character guy, when you need the wacky...
00:32:30.000 What is the dude's name?
00:32:33.000 A Steve Buscemi character or something.
00:32:35.000 Movies will do that.
00:32:36.000 But I think I saw...
00:32:37.000 I was at the gym once.
00:32:39.000 And...
00:32:40.000 And I saw, I think it was an episode of Bones was on.
00:32:45.000 And again, I don't know the show.
00:32:46.000 I'm sure it's a good show.
00:32:48.000 But literally the show was, you know like when you're on the plane and there's a TV show playing and you just kind of watch it.
00:32:53.000 And you don't have your headphones on.
00:32:54.000 You don't have your headphones on.
00:32:56.000 And from what I could tell, they went, you know, the attractive couple.
00:33:01.000 And then someone dies who happens to be an attractive woman. 1.00
00:33:07.000 And then they go to a restaurant that...
00:33:10.000 I think I put my headphones in.
00:33:12.000 It was in the bayou, okay?
00:33:16.000 I don't know if the show's set in Louisiana or not, but it was in the bayou.
00:33:20.000 And the guy who was the owner of this authentic alligator bayou bar had my accent.
00:33:28.000 And he looked like he should be hosting the local news, right?
00:33:33.000 He did not... 0.99
00:33:35.000 If you've been to Louisiana, the people in Louisiana, I mean, I'm a white trash guy. 0.99
00:33:40.000 It's like, you know, that's... 0.99
00:33:41.000 Funky genetics.
00:33:43.000 You know, it's just like people don't...
00:33:44.000 Like where I'm from, people don't wear...
00:33:46.000 They wear sweatpants on Saturday night.
00:33:48.000 You know what I mean?
00:33:49.000 Right.
00:33:49.000 When they go out because they're not working.
00:33:51.000 Harry Connick is not the norm.
00:33:53.000 Harry Connick is not the norm.
00:33:55.000 It's not the norm.
00:33:56.000 And so anyway, so like I watch the show.
00:33:58.000 I kind of give up and hopefully this is worth it.
00:34:01.000 So then I watch it and it's just like everyone is...
00:34:06.000 I think they're FBI agents.
00:34:08.000 Everyone is like 27. Like the oldest person was like 28. And they're like, now you've been here a year longer than me.
00:34:16.000 It just was very interesting that there was no one like...
00:34:21.000 There was no one like 12. Everyone was the same age.
00:34:25.000 They were the same age.
00:34:27.000 They were the same size.
00:34:29.000 All the women were thin and all the guys were kind of work out two times a day, kind of worked out body.
00:34:35.000 And there was no one...
00:34:38.000 That 27 years of age is a really pivotal moment for a woman's sexuality.
00:34:42.000 Very, very important.
00:34:44.000 You know why?
00:34:45.000 Because at 20, she doesn't know what's going on.
00:34:47.000 You're taking advantage of a little child.
00:34:49.000 And, you know, at 37, she's like probably desperado for a relationship, wants to settle down immediately, only has a few eggs left. 1.00
00:34:58.000 27 is like just old enough so that you're not innocent anymore. 1.00
00:35:04.000 You're a dirty bitch. 1.00
00:35:05.000 You're a dirty bitch and you want some dick. 1.00
00:35:08.000 You know, that's a 27-year-old girl. 1.00
00:35:10.000 That's like really the perfect time. 1.00
00:35:11.000 Perfect time to fuck. 1.00
00:35:13.000 You just increased your podcast audience among the female demographics. 1.00
00:35:18.000 Just saying that?
00:35:20.000 Explaining?
00:35:21.000 Well, I don't know.
00:35:22.000 I think it's like if you simplify and generalize women... 0.96
00:35:27.000 Well, is it broad terms if I was writing a book?
00:35:30.000 These are broad terms.
00:35:31.000 I'm not saying all women.
00:35:33.000 Of course there's variables, Jim Gaffigan.
00:35:36.000 Don't go Captain Save-A-Ho on me, buddy.
00:35:37.000 I'm just trying to make a comedy example.
00:35:40.000 I am with the Women's Alliance.
00:35:43.000 And as the founding member of...
00:35:45.000 Nobody would like women to be nice more than me. 0.99
00:35:47.000 Nobody would root for them to be awesome more than me.
00:35:50.000 Nobody's happier when women are nice more than me. 1.00
00:35:53.000 But nobody likes to be or hates to be told what to do by a woman more than me.
00:35:58.000 I don't like that.
00:35:59.000 I don't like bossy women. 1.00
00:36:01.000 Especially like aggressive bossy women. 1.00
00:36:04.000 Is there anything more uncomfortable when a woman gets aggressive and bossy with you? 1.00
00:36:07.000 It's like, oh, this is so dangerous.
00:36:09.000 Yeah.
00:36:10.000 Somebody's going to hit you with something.
00:36:11.000 So you don't like strong women? 1.00
00:36:13.000 Not that.
00:36:13.000 I don't like bossy, aggressive women.
00:36:15.000 I like strong men, but I don't like bossy, aggressive men either.
00:36:17.000 Yeah, yeah. 1.00
00:36:18.000 But there's something almost seems like, oh, this stupid fuck, you can't even help it. 1.00
00:36:21.000 It's in its nature. 1.00
00:36:22.000 But an aggressive woman to me is always like, oh my God, what are you doing? 1.00
00:36:26.000 You're like, you have no brakes.
00:36:27.000 You're just driving crazy and you have no brakes.
00:36:30.000 Yeah, it's interesting.
00:36:31.000 Because there's a difference between being a nudge and being confident.
00:36:35.000 Yeah.
00:36:35.000 Well, there's a difference between being assertive and being aggressive and confrontational in an unrealistic way.
00:36:44.000 And whenever anybody does that, it's always uncomfortable. 0.86
00:36:46.000 But for me, it always freaks me out when women get aggressive and crazy. 1.00
00:36:50.000 Like when a woman starts screaming at a guy and putting her hands in his face, I'm like... 1.00
00:36:53.000 Whoa, what are you doing?
00:36:56.000 Right.
00:36:56.000 Like, this is almost physical violence here.
00:36:59.000 You're instigating this?
00:37:00.000 Right, right.
00:37:00.000 Like, this ain't gonna end well.
00:37:02.000 This is crazy. 1.00
00:37:02.000 Like, I bet if we had a fight, like, all the men versus all the women, we would kick the shit out of the women. 1.00
00:37:08.000 Most likely we would do that. 1.00
00:37:10.000 I mean, we would totally.
00:37:13.000 I mean, I might get beat up, but you wouldn't.
00:37:16.000 I think I'd get beat up eventually.
00:37:18.000 There's enough of them.
00:37:19.000 I think there's 51% of the population.
00:37:21.000 And that 1% means a lot.
00:37:22.000 If it was like a lot of chicks around you. 1.00
00:37:25.000 And when you talk about millions of people, that 1% could be pretty substantial.
00:37:28.000 But you know there's some guys that would just, like, that's their fantasy.
00:37:31.000 To get beat up by a bunch of women. 0.99
00:37:33.000 Everybody knows the one guy that has every relationship he's ever in.
00:37:36.000 The woman's in control. 1.00
00:37:37.000 And she yells at him and tells him what to do. 0.99
00:37:39.000 And he's always miserable.
00:37:40.000 It's a terrible situation.
00:37:42.000 Everybody knows that guy though, right?
00:37:43.000 Everybody. 0.89
00:37:46.000 It's cunty, but I wouldn't want to be a woman and have a cunty man either. 0.99
00:37:50.000 The only reason why I feel this way is because I'm a man and I've seen so many guys get their lives ruined by women who probably can't even help what they're doing. 1.00
00:37:57.000 The reason why I say this is because I had an ex-girlfriend and she was a very nice person.
00:38:01.000 She liked to fight.
00:38:02.000 She just loved it.
00:38:03.000 She would just start to fight for no reason and I'd be like, what are we doing?
00:38:05.000 Come on, this is crazy.
00:38:06.000 And after a while, we became friends, but we stopped dating.
00:38:10.000 And so she started dating this other guy and was going through the same thing with screaming him and yelling him.
00:38:15.000 But this guy would just take it.
00:38:17.000 He would just eat it.
00:38:17.000 And so we had a conversation one day and she's smoking a cigarette and shaking.
00:38:21.000 She's like, I can't help it.
00:38:23.000 She goes, I have to test him. 0.99
00:38:25.000 She goes, and when he lets me walk all over him, I just want to fucking, I want to scream loud enough so that he turns me around and tells me to stop. 0.98
00:38:33.000 So that he brings me back to normal and tells me to stop. 1.00
00:38:35.000 I'm like, you might be the craziest fucking person on the face of the earth. 1.00
00:38:39.000 Like, imagine living your life like that. 1.00
00:38:41.000 What a bitch. 1.00
00:38:42.000 She's not a bitch. 1.00
00:38:43.000 She's just compelled by her own genetics to not have a bitch for a man. 1.00
00:38:47.000 You know? 1.00
00:38:48.000 She was like a wild horse who needed to be broken, Jim Gaffigan.
00:38:52.000 You know what I'm talking about?
00:38:53.000 She did.
00:38:54.000 Yep.
00:38:55.000 Are you still doing Pale Force?
00:38:56.000 Nope.
00:38:57.000 No, I haven't done that since Conan had Fallon.
00:39:02.000 What was Pale Force?
00:39:03.000 Pale Force was where it was an animated thing that actually my brother-in-law, Paul Noth, who's a cartoonist for The New Yorker, he came up with this idea of an animated series where Conan and I were superheroes that would fight crime with our paleness.
00:39:19.000 Sweet nipples. 0.94
00:39:20.000 We would shoot lasers from our nipples and... 0.99
00:39:22.000 It was awesome. 0.88
00:39:24.000 The art style, did he do that?
00:39:26.000 Yeah, he did all that.
00:39:27.000 Did he do the Saturday Night Live Funhouse video?
00:39:30.000 No, that's Smigel.
00:39:32.000 Oh, Smigel, that's right.
00:39:34.000 But yeah, I loved it.
00:39:35.000 I thought it was a lot of fun.
00:39:37.000 You should do that more.
00:39:38.000 Yeah, I think, well, NBC owns it, and NBC and Conan, I don't know if they're in that good of...
00:39:43.000 Oh, that's right.
00:39:44.000 Oh, yeah, that's right.
00:39:46.000 Yeah.
00:39:47.000 Masturbating Barrett, they can't even do that.
00:39:48.000 What a mess.
00:39:49.000 What a mess that whole thing became, huh?
00:39:50.000 What a mess is right.
00:39:52.000 So crazy.
00:39:53.000 Just the whole idea was crazy.
00:39:55.000 Putting the Jay Leno show on at 10, like, what?
00:39:57.000 You're gonna have the Tonight Show on, but just earlier?
00:40:00.000 When they did that, didn't you think that that was...
00:40:03.000 I thought that was their way of like, well, if Jay fails, then we say we give him a try.
00:40:10.000 But I think that's what I thought they thought was going to happen.
00:40:15.000 But what happened was because Jay was on earlier, it killed Conan's chance to even get an audience.
00:40:22.000 So people would watch The Tonight Show at 10 and then they wouldn't watch it later.
00:40:26.000 Does that make sense?
00:40:27.000 Yeah, it does. 0.97
00:40:28.000 Yeah, it was ridiculous. 0.99
00:40:29.000 It was silly. 0.99
00:40:30.000 It was a silly idea. 0.93
00:40:32.000 It's weird. 0.89
00:40:32.000 You know, you're the comedy policeman. 0.89
00:40:34.000 No, I'm not.
00:40:35.000 You are.
00:40:35.000 You called me that before the improv and I told you it made me very uncomfortable.
00:40:38.000 That makes you uncomfortable?
00:40:39.000 Not really.
00:40:40.000 But I only...
00:40:42.000 That's what I'm not enjoying.
00:40:43.000 Step in for one piece of civil unrest.
00:40:45.000 I've never done anything since.
00:40:47.000 Well, there's something about that whole situation with Leno, and I don't know Jay at all.
00:40:54.000 But if there was a Joe Rogan of that generation, maybe to go and explain it.
00:41:02.000 That's our new show.
00:41:03.000 You look for Bigfoot, and you saw comedy kind of... 0.98
00:41:12.000 Well, I think for all of us, there's been a few instances in the past where there was a guy that was kind of like clearly plagiarizing another guy, and then one guy became famous with other people's shit. 0.88
00:41:24.000 I mean, it's happened more than once, and we've all felt the real pain and frustration of watching someone do somebody else's material, where you know that they're stealing. 0.69
00:41:33.000 They're not compensating on them, they're just stealing.
00:41:35.000 Yeah.
00:41:35.000 And it was like a Wild West thing.
00:41:37.000 It was like no one was doing anything about it. 0.99
00:41:39.000 And to treat it like it was no big deal, you're absolutely crazy.
00:41:42.000 It's the core of someone's ability to perform on stage, is having great material.
00:41:47.000 It's their life.
00:41:47.000 It's their life.
00:41:48.000 You can be the best comic in the world, you have nothing to say on stage for that moment. 1.00
00:41:51.000 If you go on stage and you have nothing prepared and you have nothing to say, you're fucked. 0.99
00:41:55.000 It's not going to be good. 0.99
00:41:56.000 You need premises, you need material.
00:41:58.000 And so to pretend that it wasn't a big deal, The industry was treating it like it wasn't a big deal.
00:42:02.000 And we were like, this is crazy.
00:42:03.000 No, I think you did something.
00:42:05.000 I told you that night, what you did was very important.
00:42:08.000 I mean, it was very important.
00:42:10.000 Well, for us, it had to happen.
00:42:12.000 It had gotten to a point where everyone was just turning a blind eye to it because they were profiting off of it.
00:42:18.000 And that's what happens when a person becomes successful and is a plagiarist.
00:42:22.000 If it was any other form of art, whether it was writing, writing would be super clear.
00:42:27.000 A guy would go to jail.
00:42:29.000 If it was music, they'd take all your money. 1.00
00:42:31.000 If they can prove that you have the same beats and you're copying it, they'd take all your fucking money, man. 0.98
00:42:36.000 And we're not talking about similar premises. 0.99
00:42:40.000 Which we all have.
00:42:41.000 Which is all going to happen.
00:42:43.000 Tiger Woods. 0.99
00:42:43.000 Who has a fucking Tiger Woods joke? 0.99
00:42:45.000 Raise your hand. 1.00
00:42:46.000 Everyone.
00:42:47.000 Everyone sat down and said, this is a goldmine.
00:42:50.000 You can never claim a premise, but you absolutely know.
00:42:54.000 You know when language is lifted.
00:42:56.000 Yeah.
00:42:57.000 Well, you also know where there's smoke, there's fire.
00:42:59.000 And they can't...
00:43:00.000 I truly believe that people who steal can't write.
00:43:04.000 I really do.
00:43:05.000 I think it's the...
00:43:06.000 I don't think you can do both.
00:43:07.000 I think something happens when you steal and that this... 0.99
00:43:13.000 Being disingenuous, this pretending, this bullshit, knowing that you are not really doing what you're claiming to be doing, that you're pretending and that you're ripping people off and lying and projecting this false self-image, which is all ego, which is exactly what shuts you off from the ability to come up with new shit. 1.00
00:43:31.000 When you come up with new shit, it's not like you, thinking about you, you see something and go, look at this right here, this This is ridiculous. 1.00
00:43:39.000 You know what I mean? 0.99
00:43:39.000 It's not you. 0.99
00:43:41.000 It's you coming up with it and you thinking about it, but you're not involving yourself.
00:43:44.000 You're not trying to project a certain image.
00:43:47.000 You're not making sure that people think of you a certain way.
00:43:50.000 You're not even thinking like that.
00:43:51.000 Because when you do think like that, That shuts off creativity.
00:43:56.000 And when a guy steals, what a guy's doing when he's stealing is he's trying to make himself better than he is.
00:44:01.000 He's trying to pretend that he's smarter than he is.
00:44:03.000 He's trying to put out stuff pretending that he figured this out when it was really someone else.
00:44:07.000 It's all ego.
00:44:09.000 It's really sad, too.
00:44:10.000 It's sad in a way because I think that it's almost as if, you know, like policemen, they have like rabbis. 0.77
00:44:17.000 You know, it's like I feel like almost comedians should have rabbis. 0.95
00:44:20.000 Someone to sit there and go, all right, you know what?
00:44:23.000 You might not want to do that.
00:44:24.000 But it's such a strange business and we're all very individual.
00:44:29.000 But, you know, the irony also is that any comedian would tell you that The respect of their peers is way more important than whether you're selling out Saturday night.
00:44:44.000 Yeah, that hurts guys bad when their peers turn on them.
00:44:47.000 It's brutal.
00:44:48.000 That hurts guys bad.
00:44:48.000 It's like, you know, it's like you always heard about comedians that like, you know, like African American communities, when they would, comedians, they would lose the black audience.
00:44:58.000 I mean, that's brutal.
00:44:59.000 Yes.
00:44:59.000 But like when comedians...
00:45:02.000 You know, don't respect it.
00:45:04.000 I heard it's a great weight loss.
00:45:05.000 It's great for weight loss, I heard.
00:45:07.000 Yeah, because you have no money for food.
00:45:08.000 Yeah.
00:45:09.000 Yeah.
00:45:10.000 But...
00:45:10.000 Yeah.
00:45:12.000 That could be really devastating to guys.
00:45:14.000 Let's talk about something more depressing.
00:45:16.000 No.
00:45:16.000 I mean, I think, you know, what's important is, like, what we were talking about earlier when we were talking about Louis C.K., like, that...
00:45:21.000 When you're doing it the right way, not just doing it the right way, but, like, fucking trailblazing, like, way faster than anybody else is being...
00:45:28.000 Putting out that kind of material.
00:45:29.000 And putting out great stuff.
00:45:31.000 It's not like the quality is suffering.
00:45:32.000 It's still really funny.
00:45:33.000 Great observations.
00:45:35.000 There's a lot of thought behind it.
00:45:36.000 It's really great stuff.
00:45:38.000 So we sit here and we talk about that.
00:45:40.000 How amazing that is.
00:45:41.000 That's the positive thing.
00:45:42.000 And I'm sure he gets that all the time. 0.99
00:45:44.000 Because that's what the fuck he's doing. 0.99
00:45:47.000 He's got this whole momentum thing going. 0.99
00:45:50.000 He keeps churning out the great new stuff, people keep enjoying it, and it keeps moving and moving and moving.
00:45:54.000 And that's really an example for everyone to see, every young comic to see.
00:45:58.000 It can be done.
00:45:59.000 Just do it the right way.
00:46:00.000 You do it the right way, it's incredibly satisfying. 0.95
00:46:02.000 But if you hack and chop your way and take other people's premises, man, boy, you're not just fucking yourself up, you're fucking him up, you're fucking the community up if it gets tolerated. 0.92
00:46:14.000 It becomes a real problem.
00:46:16.000 Yeah, because I think some of the cliches, and you might disagree with me, I think basic cliches about comedians are not true.
00:46:26.000 A lot of them, yeah.
00:46:27.000 All comedians hate each other.
00:46:29.000 I think that's actually the opposite.
00:46:32.000 I think most comedians, if you're getting on stage, you're predisposed to like the guy.
00:46:37.000 Yes.
00:46:37.000 Or a woman.
00:46:38.000 Yeah.
00:46:39.000 If I see Sinbad, I don't know Sinbad, but if I see Sinbad, I mean, I'm not really into his stuff, but I'd be like, hey, what's up, man?
00:46:45.000 How you doing?
00:46:45.000 That's the thing.
00:46:47.000 It's like there's so many different types of comedy.
00:46:50.000 You're at least going to be respectful.
00:46:52.000 Yeah.
00:46:53.000 Of course.
00:46:53.000 Always.
00:46:53.000 And you're not going to go out of your way.
00:46:54.000 I mean, there are exceptions where I think Larry the Cable Guy and David Cross had a feud.
00:47:00.000 Yeah. 0.94
00:47:00.000 Yeah, I think that was silly. 0.94
00:47:02.000 I read David's arguments about that. 0.95
00:47:03.000 I thought that was really silly. 0.95
00:47:04.000 I mean, I think, yeah, Larry does have, like, a few sort of Islamophobic sort of raghead jokes in his act. 1.00
00:47:12.000 But, I mean, wouldn't that...
00:47:14.000 I mean, he is playing a character.
00:47:15.000 Are we supposed to pretend that the character wouldn't think like that?
00:47:18.000 I get confused about that. 1.00
00:47:19.000 When you know the guy's name is Dan Whitney and he's doing a thing called Larry the Cable Guy and this guy's supposed to be stupid as fuck and live in the South... 0.99
00:47:26.000 I see Dave's argument that it might be encouraging racism, but I also like, really? 0.99
00:47:31.000 Do you think Larry the Cable Guy is changing anybody's mind about whether or not arrows are bad?
00:47:36.000 Censorship, it's a slippery slope, right?
00:47:38.000 It is a very slippery slope, yeah. 0.99
00:47:40.000 To shit on anyone's choices when it comes to that. 0.99
00:47:43.000 I mean, some of the funniest stuff I've always said is the most inappropriate and ridiculous, like Otto and George. 0.99
00:47:49.000 Have you ever seen Otto and George in New York? 0.76
00:47:51.000 No, no, are you kidding?
00:47:52.000 It's one of my favorites in New York.
00:47:53.000 When I first got opening spots in New York, when I would tank, and then there would be a middle that would do okay, and then Otto and George would go up.
00:48:02.000 What year was this?
00:48:05.000 1831?
00:48:06.000 He's got something he's doing online.
00:48:08.000 Check it out.
00:48:08.000 It's called The Pig Roast.
00:48:09.000 I don't know the exact address, but if you Google it, just Google Otto and George The Pig Roast. 0.99
00:48:13.000 Otto and George is a hilarious puppet act in New York, and he was always like the example of a guy who would just say, the dummy was evil as fuck. 1.00
00:48:22.000 His dummy would say the meanest, nastiest shit. 0.99
00:48:24.000 The quote is that people would leave, and they would say, that one guy was funny, but I thought the dummy was really rude. 1.00
00:48:32.000 Oh, my God.
00:48:32.000 It's like...
00:48:34.000 He would say some of the craziest, most ridiculous, racist shit. 1.00
00:48:38.000 And he would tell the dummy, hey man, you can't fucking say that. 1.00
00:48:42.000 That's wrong. 1.00
00:48:43.000 And the dummy would be like, fuck you. 1.00
00:48:44.000 What a great gimmick. 1.00
00:48:46.000 To have a really angry, psychotic fucking dummy. 1.00
00:48:49.000 And the comedy is him. 1.00
00:48:50.000 He says fucked up shit. 1.00
00:48:51.000 And you go, man, I can't believe you're saying that. 1.00
00:48:54.000 He's all innocent.
00:48:55.000 That's not even me. 0.99
00:48:57.000 Fucking brilliant idea. 0.99
00:48:58.000 I can't believe he did that. 0.99
00:48:59.000 But that's a style of comedy.
00:49:02.000 It's like death metal.
00:49:03.000 Are they really killing people every day?
00:49:04.000 Right, right.
00:49:05.000 That's a good point.
00:49:06.000 You know, it's a style.
00:49:07.000 It's a type of comedy.
00:49:10.000 And people want to say, like, shock comedy, that it's cheap.
00:49:13.000 I so disagree, because it doesn't work unless it is funny.
00:49:17.000 I mean, shock comedy won't work on me unless it is funny. 0.99
00:49:20.000 And there's a certain art to writing ridiculous, shocking shit. 0.99
00:49:25.000 There's an art to it. 1.00
00:49:26.000 It's a genre.
00:49:27.000 It's a style.
00:49:28.000 I think the shock comedy is the Acela line in the Northeast.
00:49:34.000 A what line?
00:49:36.000 The Acela line.
00:49:38.000 What is that?
00:49:40.000 Amtrak from Boston to D.C. There's the Acela line.
00:49:44.000 Have you ever heard of that?
00:49:44.000 Oh, no, no.
00:49:45.000 I never heard of it.
00:49:46.000 But that's where tough guy comedy comes from, is like Boston, New Jersey, Philly.
00:49:57.000 And that Amtrak train goes up and down that.
00:50:01.000 And those are the tough guys.
00:50:04.000 You're a tough guy.
00:50:05.000 You know what I mean?
00:50:07.000 How did we get to this?
00:50:08.000 What were we talking about?
00:50:09.000 What were we just talking about?
00:50:11.000 I don't know.
00:50:12.000 I completely lost my point.
00:50:13.000 It just made me uncomfortable.
00:50:15.000 Did I make you uncomfortable?
00:50:16.000 Not really.
00:50:17.000 But you know what I'm talking about.
00:50:20.000 Otto and George.
00:50:21.000 No, Otto and George.
00:50:22.000 But Otto and George.
00:50:23.000 Angry, mean comedy.
00:50:24.000 Not necessarily mean, but...
00:50:26.000 Shocking.
00:50:26.000 I think in New York it was...
00:50:30.000 It was important to appear tough when I was starting out.
00:50:34.000 Really?
00:50:35.000 Not having emotion attached.
00:50:38.000 You see that in Louis.
00:50:39.000 Louis has it.
00:50:40.000 And Attell has it.
00:50:42.000 And Kevin Brennan has it.
00:50:44.000 And Marin, I mean, even though Marin is...
00:50:50.000 He has a little bit like being unfazed by, at least on stage.
00:50:53.000 Right.
00:50:54.000 Does that make sense?
00:50:54.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:50:55.000 You have it too.
00:50:56.000 Well, you have to really be into what you're thinking about.
00:51:00.000 And if you're into what you're thinking about, you're not going to be really phased if people are into it or not.
00:51:05.000 You know that there's a certain number of people that are your people.
00:51:08.000 Yeah. 0.99
00:51:09.000 You know, especially if you're doing weird shit. 0.97
00:51:11.000 You know, I mean, you're really clean, but really funny. 1.00
00:51:14.000 But do you ever find yourself in a situation where, like, everyone in front of you, around you is just talking about anal fisting and loads and rape? 0.99
00:51:23.000 And then you go up and you're like, okay. 0.98
00:51:26.000 You're like, hey, who wants to talk about cake?
00:51:28.000 What about bacon?
00:51:30.000 Well, no.
00:51:31.000 You appear... 0.99
00:51:32.000 Someone's fucking a chair or simulating something like that. 0.99
00:51:36.000 That's my move, bro. 1.00
00:51:37.000 That's my shit. 0.99
00:51:37.000 No, but it's hard to go up there and go, you know, it's interesting. 0.99
00:51:41.000 The third section of the USA Today, it's hard, right?
00:51:44.000 Because you just appear so boring.
00:51:46.000 Right.
00:51:47.000 But if you follow...
00:51:48.000 So if you don't follow someone really filthy or kind of like... 0.87
00:51:53.000 Crushing. 0.95
00:51:54.000 Someone that just crushes.
00:51:55.000 Crushes or just kind of just irreverent, you know, just thick irreverence.
00:52:02.000 Then, you know, it's not...
00:52:02.000 I mean, you can do it.
00:52:04.000 It's just, like, it's different styles of comedy.
00:52:06.000 You know what I mean?
00:52:07.000 It's like, if, like, Metallica went on, I wouldn't want...
00:52:12.000 James Taylor.
00:52:13.000 I wouldn't want to be James...
00:52:14.000 Thanks, so you're calling me James Taylor.
00:52:16.000 Yeah.
00:52:17.000 James Taylor is awesome, by the way.
00:52:18.000 I'm a James Taylor fan.
00:52:19.000 Come on.
00:52:21.000 He's a badass.
00:52:23.000 I like James Taylor.
00:52:23.000 For real.
00:52:24.000 Yeah.
00:52:25.000 No, so it's different.
00:52:26.000 Just yesterday morning, they let me know you were gone.
00:52:29.000 See, I was growing up. 1.00
00:52:31.000 He's a bad motherfucker. 1.00
00:52:32.000 When I was 16, I got my driver's license. 1.00
00:52:34.000 Here's another boring story by Jim Gaffney.
00:52:37.000 And I got my driver's license and went to a concert with...
00:52:43.000 I'm the youngest of six kids, so my brothers and sisters went to a concert, which was the James Taylor concert.
00:52:48.000 I know this sounds edgy already.
00:52:51.000 LAUGHTER So I was 16, and I thought, you know, all you gotta do is show an ID, and they'll let you have a beer.
00:53:02.000 And so I showed my ID. I got my driver's license that day.
00:53:07.000 So I showed him the ID, and the guy took my ID. He goes, you're not 21. And he took the ID, so I didn't have an ID. So I got my driver's license that day.
00:53:17.000 So then the next day, my dad in the morning was like, hey, let me see your driver's license.
00:53:21.000 You know what I mean?
00:53:24.000 And so then a week later, my driver's license shows up in the mail with a letter from the guy who ran, I don't know, somewhere in Chicago, Alpine Valley or whatever.
00:53:36.000 And the guy's name was James Taylor.
00:53:38.000 So like James Taylor, I'm like, James Taylor?
00:53:40.000 Dude.
00:53:41.000 That was kind of boring.
00:53:42.000 You guys are connected.
00:53:43.000 Yep.
00:53:45.000 This Coke Zero is going to my head.
00:53:48.000 You're getting crazy.
00:53:49.000 I'm getting crazy.
00:53:50.000 James Taylor will do that.
00:53:51.000 He does it to women. 1.00
00:53:52.000 Occasionally, you hit the estrogen genes that you have dark, dark in the closet, tucked away.
00:53:57.000 Yes.
00:53:58.000 See, I sang the beginning of that song, and I saw you slump a little in your chair.
00:54:02.000 You melted a little.
00:54:03.000 I melted a little bit.
00:54:04.000 James Taylor's songs are like little back rubs.
00:54:06.000 But that's also, you know, that's kind of, now some of those songs, it's like, I know those songs because of my brothers and sisters, right?
00:54:16.000 I mean, it's not like I was sitting there like, alright, I gotta, you know.
00:54:20.000 Well, somebody introduced you to it, but did you ever buy a James Taylor CD on your own?
00:54:24.000 I don't know.
00:54:25.000 Maybe.
00:54:26.000 I don't know.
00:54:26.000 No, I didn't buy a CD. I have.
00:54:29.000 Proudly.
00:54:29.000 I think I even bought a cassette at one point in time.
00:54:30.000 Yeah, but you're like an MA. You're like a martial arts expert.
00:54:33.000 So you're allowed to?
00:54:34.000 You can wear pink.
00:54:36.000 And people would be like, he's still a tough guy. 1.00
00:54:38.000 I'm not going to call him a pussy. 0.99
00:54:39.000 But I sit there and I read the New York Times and people are like, let's beat up the librarian. 1.00
00:54:45.000 You know what I mean?
00:54:46.000 That doesn't really happen.
00:54:47.000 Are you being self-deprecating?
00:54:49.000 Nobody tries to beat you up while you're reading the New York Times.
00:54:51.000 That's happened many times.
00:54:54.000 I actually played football in college. 1.00
00:54:57.000 People think I'm a pussy. 1.00
00:54:58.000 That's scary. 1.00
00:54:59.000 Football is fucking terrifying. 0.99
00:55:00.000 It was Division 3. Whatever it is. 0.99
00:55:02.000 Big people running into you, man. 1.00
00:55:03.000 That shit's dangerous. 1.00
00:55:04.000 Did you ever do any of that? 1.00
00:55:05.000 No!
00:55:06.000 I wrestled in high school and my coach was always like, Rogan, you should play football. 0.99
00:55:09.000 You're crazy.
00:55:10.000 You'll be great out there. 0.98
00:55:10.000 I wrestled in high school. 0.98
00:55:11.000 I wrestled 134 pounds.
00:55:13.000 134 pounds.
00:55:14.000 That was the ladies division.
00:55:15.000 Yeah.
00:55:16.000 No, I was under the ladies. 0.98
00:55:17.000 I would help them.
00:55:19.000 I would help them get ready.
00:55:20.000 No, I was 167. I remember I was undefeated my senior year.
00:55:23.000 Were you really?
00:55:24.000 You were a killer wrestler? 0.54
00:55:26.000 177. Again, this is a small high school.
00:55:28.000 And so, you know how, like, we didn't have tons of...
00:55:33.000 Guys on the team.
00:55:34.000 So, like, I lost, like, 10 pounds in a week.
00:55:37.000 Remember, like, people used to do that in wrestling.
00:55:39.000 Oh, yeah, I did that.
00:55:40.000 You'd lose 10 pounds to go to a different division.
00:55:42.000 Yeah.
00:55:42.000 And you would wrestle that day, too.
00:55:44.000 Because there was, like, some, you know, big fat guy who could do mine because they didn't have someone for that slot.
00:55:49.000 Right.
00:55:49.000 So, I lost 10 pounds.
00:55:51.000 I was undefeated.
00:55:52.000 And then, you know, I went out there and I, like, blacked out.
00:55:57.000 Yeah.
00:55:59.000 You know, and it was brutal because it was close to an undefeated season.
00:56:04.000 That's pretty badass, though.
00:56:05.000 I beat the guy that was third in state.
00:56:07.000 Wow.
00:56:08.000 How come you never did anything with it afterwards?
00:56:10.000 You ever tried jiu-jitsu?
00:56:12.000 You know, I don't like standing up.
00:56:15.000 You don't exercise at all?
00:56:17.000 I mean, yeah, no, I used to be thin.
00:56:19.000 But I'm not talking about, like, back in the day.
00:56:22.000 I'm talking about, like, do you do anything right now?
00:56:24.000 I do that P197 or P90X. You don't even know the number?
00:56:29.000 I've heard that's really good.
00:56:30.000 I've heard it's good.
00:56:32.000 I've heard it works.
00:56:32.000 If you just follow what this guy's doing, it really will transform your body.
00:56:36.000 It's all scientific principles behind it.
00:56:37.000 I used to work out.
00:56:38.000 I was pretty buff. 0.98
00:56:41.000 I watched a video of it, and it's fucking pretty intense stuff. 0.97
00:56:44.000 I tried it once. 0.98
00:56:44.000 I couldn't do it more than once. 0.98
00:56:45.000 It's intense.
00:56:45.000 How often do you work out?
00:56:47.000 Five days a week, at least.
00:56:48.000 Five days a week.
00:56:49.000 Do you have, like, a gym in your house?
00:56:50.000 I have two gyms in my house.
00:56:52.000 Well, that's normal.
00:56:54.000 I have a weightlifting gym in my house, and I also have a kickboxing set up.
00:56:58.000 Wow.
00:56:59.000 It's all caged in in my garage.
00:57:01.000 That's amazing.
00:57:02.000 Yeah, a company did it, or rather, a television show did it called Garage Mahal.
00:57:07.000 It's pretty badass.
00:57:07.000 Was it ever released, that show?
00:57:08.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:57:09.000 It's Bill Goldberg, that big wrestler guy.
00:57:12.000 He's the host of it.
00:57:13.000 And they take over your garage, and in three days, they transformed it.
00:57:17.000 My garage is just like an episode of Hoarders.
00:57:19.000 It's disgusting.
00:57:20.000 And then you're kind of like, where am I going to park my car?
00:57:22.000 No, no, no.
00:57:22.000 It's a four-car garage, so I have two cars.
00:57:25.000 Dude, I'm a high roller.
00:57:26.000 I was on NBC for years.
00:57:28.000 So two cars is just padded up and caged in.
00:57:32.000 What kind of cars do you have?
00:57:33.000 Do you like cars?
00:57:34.000 They're all Hondas. 1.00
00:57:34.000 Are you into cars? 1.00
00:57:35.000 Yeah, I like cars.
00:57:36.000 All Hondas. 1.00
00:57:36.000 You got two cars? 1.00
00:57:38.000 I got a few cars.
00:57:39.000 How many cars do you have, Jay?
00:57:40.000 I have four cars.
00:57:41.000 Four cars?
00:57:42.000 Really?
00:57:42.000 And what's the love of your life car?
00:57:46.000 I have a Porsche, a GT3. It's basically like a regular Porsche.
00:57:52.000 They take all the unnecessary shit out of it, like the back seat. 0.99
00:57:56.000 They strip all the sound deadening. 0.99
00:57:57.000 They make it lighter.
00:57:58.000 They put a bigger, stronger, high-revving racing engine in it, tighten up the suspension, carbon fiber brakes, the whole thing.
00:58:05.000 It just becomes the most ridiculous, responsive car you could ever drive.
00:58:10.000 It's like you're glued to the road. 0.82
00:58:12.000 Like you feel like everything.
00:58:14.000 It's incredible.
00:58:14.000 Not even for driving fast.
00:58:16.000 Not even for driving illegally.
00:58:17.000 This is kind of...
00:58:19.000 It makes me think of this point.
00:58:21.000 It's like when you started stand-up, did you think that you were...
00:58:24.000 I mean, maybe...
00:58:24.000 I don't know you that well.
00:58:25.000 It's like I went into stand-up because I wanted to.
00:58:28.000 I never had an expectation that I would be able to afford to have a family from stand-up.
00:58:33.000 You probably didn't expect that you'd be able to...
00:58:35.000 Own four cars.
00:58:37.000 No, never.
00:58:38.000 Of course not.
00:58:39.000 I never would have believed that I could make a living off of it in the beginning.
00:58:42.000 That was a dream, a distant dream.
00:58:44.000 The great dream was to be a local Boston stand-up comic, to be like a local guy.
00:58:49.000 You know, there was a bunch of local guys that made a living.
00:58:51.000 Look, he's got a nice Honda. 0.99
00:58:53.000 He's got a great fucking apartment. 1.00
00:58:55.000 It's a loft. 1.00
00:58:56.000 His office is on the top floor.
00:58:57.000 That's where he writes.
00:58:58.000 He's a pro.
00:58:59.000 I'm like, this is a pro that gets paid to be a comic.
00:59:01.000 He's actually doing something he likes for a living.
00:59:04.000 Yeah, unfathomable.
00:59:05.000 Yeah. 0.99
00:59:05.000 I just had a series of shitty jobs. 0.99
00:59:08.000 All of it. 0.99
00:59:09.000 Drove a limo, did construction, delivered newspapers, every possible ridiculous job.
00:59:15.000 So no, I would have never thought I'd have four cars.
00:59:17.000 I would have never thought I'd have money at all.
00:59:18.000 It's amazing.
00:59:20.000 Yeah.
00:59:20.000 It is amazing.
00:59:21.000 It's weird.
00:59:22.000 I think the lesson that other people can learn always from anyone's success is it might not be the same path, but if anybody can do it, you can do it. 0.92
00:59:32.000 It really is that fucking simple.
00:59:34.000 And it might not be everything. 0.97
00:59:36.000 It might not be, I can't play basketball.
00:59:37.000 I can't run.
00:59:38.000 I'm not a jumper.
00:59:39.000 I'm not fast.
00:59:40.000 I'm too short.
00:59:41.000 I can't do that.
00:59:42.000 Maybe I could.
00:59:43.000 Maybe if I dedicated myself 100% to that.
00:59:45.000 I mean, wasn't there a guy like Muggsy Bogues? 1.00
00:59:47.000 He was like 5'6".
00:59:48.000 He played in the NBA. But the point is, whatever the fuck it is, just do it. 0.99
00:59:54.000 Just go do it. 0.99
00:59:54.000 Find a way to do it. 0.99
00:59:55.000 If anybody can do it, you can do it.
00:59:58.000 I think there's also adjusting.
01:00:01.000 Because when you have these, when you do interviews, like when you're touring, doing stand-up, headlining in clubs, you'll get interviewed by the local paper.
01:00:10.000 And they'll want to create some story.
01:00:14.000 For a headline.
01:00:15.000 He's from Indiana.
01:00:15.000 He had no shoes.
01:00:17.000 Don't talk to him about cake.
01:00:19.000 You know, it's like these elaborate stories.
01:00:21.000 So it ends up, you know, it's like, I don't even...
01:00:25.000 Our stories, our real stories...
01:00:29.000 They kind of adjust.
01:00:31.000 I think when I started stand-up, I loved stand-up, but I wanted to be a writer for Letterman.
01:00:36.000 I thought that would be an unbelievable job.
01:00:40.000 It's an amazing journey.
01:00:42.000 Yeah, that is an unbelievable job.
01:00:44.000 I mean, that's like the elite of the elite as far as comedy writers.
01:00:46.000 Like, this is Bobby Wright for Letterman.
01:00:48.000 Whoa.
01:00:49.000 You write for Letterman? 1.00
01:00:50.000 Holy shit. 1.00
01:00:50.000 Yeah, no, when we started... 1.00
01:00:52.000 Yeah, Letterman was always the top of the...
01:00:54.000 I think right now, I mean, I love Letterman, but I think Jimmy Kimmel is at least his equal. 0.99
01:00:59.000 I think Jimmy Kimmel is fucking brilliant. 0.91
01:01:00.000 I really think he's the best. 0.98
01:01:02.000 I think they're all equal.
01:01:02.000 Yeah, Conan's always equal.
01:01:05.000 I mean, he's always funny in his own way.
01:01:06.000 I think he's very different than those other guys.
01:01:09.000 And I think one of the beautiful things about his show was all the things that people have grown accustomed to that they pulled from him that he can't even use now. 0.98
01:01:17.000 I think that's really fucked up. 1.00
01:01:19.000 It's so silly. 1.00
01:01:20.000 The whole thing to me is just so stupid. 1.00
01:01:22.000 You can't do the talking dog anymore? 1.00
01:01:24.000 You can't do...
01:01:25.000 What?
01:01:26.000 There's like a million things that you can't do anymore. 0.99
01:01:28.000 That's just petty horse shit. 0.99
01:01:29.000 I think that's completely petty. 1.00
01:01:31.000 Yeah, it's ridiculous. 0.90
01:01:32.000 It's a strange... 0.98
01:01:33.000 You let the show go.
01:01:34.000 That's the show.
01:01:35.000 The show's over there now.
01:01:36.000 It's with Conan.
01:01:36.000 Come on, man.
01:01:37.000 Yeah. 0.95
01:01:38.000 It's just so silly. 0.91
01:01:39.000 It's very strange. 0.95
01:01:40.000 They should be able to buy it back.
01:01:43.000 They should.
01:01:44.000 Sell it back to cheap.
01:01:45.000 I mean, that's what happens in the NFL. Someone goes and they're the head coach here, and then you go there.
01:01:51.000 He goes to another team.
01:01:52.000 You get something for it, but it's not like you're sitting there.
01:01:55.000 Because I think there's no, like these coaches, they're not supposed to be able to coach.
01:02:00.000 Right.
01:02:01.000 You know, like if they leave, they have to finish their contract of seven years or whatever.
01:02:05.000 Right.
01:02:06.000 They're not supposed to be able to coach for the rest of the seven years, but they do anyway.
01:02:10.000 Well, didn't that happen with radio with Tom Likas?
01:02:13.000 Oh, really?
01:02:14.000 I think Tom Likas had a deal with the 97.1 FM Talk in LA, and they syndicated his show all throughout the country.
01:02:21.000 And those talk radio shows, I don't know what killed them, man.
01:02:25.000 What killed talk radio shows?
01:02:26.000 Tom Likas.
01:02:27.000 Because, look, man, when you think about what that was, that network, I believe they had Howard on in the morning, right?
01:02:32.000 It was Howard?
01:02:33.000 Yeah.
01:02:34.000 And then it was Frosty, Heidi, and Frank. 0.99
01:02:37.000 And it was like, there was a bunch of good fucking shows. 0.98
01:02:39.000 It's like, how did that go away? 0.99
01:02:42.000 Like, what happened?
01:02:43.000 What killed talk radio?
01:02:44.000 Well, radio is just hurting in general.
01:02:46.000 I think it's these podcasts.
01:02:50.000 Do you think that?
01:02:50.000 No.
01:02:51.000 I don't know.
01:02:51.000 No, it's because that was before podcasts.
01:02:53.000 Before we had ever done a podcast like this was off the air.
01:02:56.000 Yeah, but satellite radio was killing them.
01:02:58.000 Were podcasts really popular when Lycus was off the air?
01:03:01.000 We obviously weren't doing, but was anybody?
01:03:04.000 Yeah, podcasts were really popular and then it went away.
01:03:06.000 Then the iPhones kind of came out.
01:03:08.000 But that was pre-Corolla podcast.
01:03:12.000 Right.
01:03:12.000 Corolla still had the radio show.
01:03:13.000 Yeah, but it was satellite radio.
01:03:14.000 That's why Corolla was the morning show after a while, remember?
01:03:17.000 He took over when Howard went to satellite.
01:03:19.000 That's what it was.
01:03:19.000 What do people listen to in the morning in LA? Like, living in New York, I don't listen to the radio.
01:03:24.000 You used to be awesome.
01:03:25.000 That's one of the things that I used to love the most about driving to work and being stuck in traffic was that I was listening to Howard Stern.
01:03:31.000 Well, Howard Stern's not open.
01:03:33.000 No, he is.
01:03:34.000 He's still on.
01:03:34.000 But, I mean, on regular radio, regular radio, that doesn't exist anymore.
01:03:37.000 There's nobody like that anymore.
01:03:38.000 I mean, there are some morning shows like Kevin and Bean in L.A. Oh, yeah.
01:03:41.000 Well, Kevin and Bean, they're huge, right?
01:03:43.000 Yeah, they're the last, the Mohicans. 1.00
01:03:45.000 Carson Daly and Seacrest, don't they have shows also?
01:03:48.000 Carson Daly has a radio show?
01:03:49.000 I thought so.
01:03:49.000 He used to.
01:03:50.000 I don't know.
01:03:50.000 I know Seacrest does.
01:03:51.000 Seacrest has like 100,000 fucking jobs. 1.00
01:03:53.000 He must be insane. 1.00
01:03:55.000 Nobody works harder than that guy. 0.57
01:03:56.000 I know.
01:03:57.000 Who puts in more hours a day than that guy?
01:03:59.000 He's on that E! show.
01:04:00.000 He's got a radio show. 0.99
01:04:01.000 He's on Star Search or whatever the fuck it is. 0.97
01:04:05.000 What is it? 0.99
01:04:07.000 Dancing with the Stars. 1.00
01:04:08.000 What the fuck is he on? 1.00
01:04:09.000 The big one. 1.00
01:04:10.000 American Idol.
01:04:11.000 The big one.
01:04:12.000 That show's still on, did you?
01:04:13.000 I think it's amazing.
01:04:14.000 There is something.
01:04:15.000 What you're saying, there is something about...
01:04:20.000 People want to...
01:04:21.000 It's not greed.
01:04:23.000 It's like, I think that...
01:04:24.000 And I don't know Ryan Seacrest.
01:04:26.000 Big surprise.
01:04:28.000 But I think he wants his empire.
01:04:30.000 I think some people want their empire.
01:04:33.000 Well, I think he recognizes the opportunity.
01:04:35.000 He's a smart guy.
01:04:36.000 I think that's...
01:04:36.000 And it is very smart, but maybe it's...
01:04:39.000 Crazy.
01:04:40.000 I think it is a little crazy.
01:04:41.000 Probably a little crazy.
01:04:42.000 Don't you want to have a little fun?
01:04:43.000 Well, and also, he might just super...
01:04:46.000 The only thing he's into is entertainment.
01:04:47.000 That might be true, too. 1.00
01:04:49.000 Brian, what are you doing with the fucking thing, you crazy asshole? 1.00
01:04:51.000 What? 1.00
01:04:52.000 What are you doing with that effect?
01:04:53.000 I'm getting ready to go to the bathroom.
01:04:55.000 Oh.
01:04:56.000 Oh, so you're going to leave the screen like this?
01:04:58.000 Oh, I like that, dude.
01:05:00.000 That's very clever.
01:05:01.000 Do you feel weird when we're right next to each other on this video screen?
01:05:03.000 Can we just talk?
01:05:05.000 Let's look at the screen and let's see if we can have a conversation this way.
01:05:09.000 Try to kiss him.
01:05:10.000 I bet we can't.
01:05:11.000 I bet we can't.
01:05:12.000 I don't know how to even get over there.
01:05:14.000 It's too weird.
01:05:15.000 It's like I'm not the brightest guy.
01:05:16.000 It's a weird thing to watch yourself talk.
01:05:18.000 I don't think that's healthy.
01:05:19.000 Yeah, I'm not.
01:05:20.000 I was editing my special, and my wife and I were, and it was...
01:05:26.000 I hate it.
01:05:27.000 The thing is, it's one thing.
01:05:28.000 It's like, I'm out of shape.
01:05:30.000 It's like, that's the beauty of not looking at yourself, is not realizing how out of shape you've gotten.
01:05:40.000 Not that I was easy to look at before I was out of shape.
01:05:44.000 Half your act is a little bit about self-indulgence and delicious things.
01:05:50.000 And gluttony. 0.99
01:05:52.000 Do you think that if you got yourself in spiffy condition, that might fuck up your material? 1.00
01:05:58.000 I've heard people say shit like that before. 0.99
01:06:00.000 That's interesting. 0.99
01:06:00.000 You know, there was a point, you know, when, about a year ago, well, I was doing something else, but I thought, you know, I was working out, I had more time, so I was working out more consistently and not eating horribly at three in the morning. 0.99
01:06:17.000 And I was like, you know, it entered my mind.
01:06:19.000 It's like, am I going to be too in shape for some of these jokes?
01:06:24.000 But, I don't know, that's kind of, that's just me being neurotic, right?
01:06:28.000 Am I going to be too in shape for these jokes?
01:06:31.000 That's hilarious.
01:06:31.000 What a great escape clause.
01:06:33.000 My act is so important.
01:06:35.000 I can't do sit-ups.
01:06:37.000 I can't.
01:06:38.000 I'd work out, but I might mess up that third chunk in the hour. 0.99
01:06:43.000 This is so stupid, but I really believe this. 0.97
01:06:45.000 That I was getting into meditation and I was getting into yoga and a bunch of things when I was young. 0.99
01:06:51.000 And when I first started getting into comedy, I thought about it and I said, you know what?
01:06:55.000 Maybe I shouldn't do this because maybe becoming more enlightened is probably bad for my act.
01:07:00.000 Oh, that's interesting.
01:07:01.000 Because then I wouldn't be making fun of as many things or picking as many victims.
01:07:05.000 Oh, yeah.
01:07:05.000 Now, that's a comedian thinking there, right?
01:07:08.000 Especially Boston-style comedy is so mean.
01:07:11.000 So, you know...
01:07:13.000 It's attack style.
01:07:14.000 And I was thinking, man, if I became enlightened and I was all like, peace and love, this would be terrible for my act.
01:07:20.000 And I'm not going to stop being a comedian.
01:07:21.000 I wouldn't want to eat healthy.
01:07:26.000 I think I got another hour in me being fat, then I go healthy.
01:07:31.000 I own my fans. 0.99
01:07:32.000 Yeah, and then you run out of shit, and then you go healthy, and then nobody wants to come see you anymore. 0.99
01:07:36.000 Well, I used to be really thin. 0.99
01:07:38.000 I mean, I did.
01:07:39.000 I know you're looking at me like, no, you weren't.
01:07:40.000 I believe you.
01:07:41.000 No, actually, I remember you being thin just, I mean, not even a decade ago.
01:07:46.000 Yeah.
01:07:46.000 Right?
01:07:46.000 Yeah.
01:07:47.000 How long ago was it?
01:07:49.000 I don't know, eight years ago?
01:07:51.000 Who was the guy, there was a guy who was like a really funny fat guy, and then he lost a lot of weight, and then he kind of like stopped being around.
01:07:57.000 I want to say Vic something.
01:08:01.000 Vic Dunlap.
01:08:02.000 It's so funny I was thinking Vic Dunlap.
01:08:05.000 Yeah, very funny.
01:08:05.000 He's really, really heavy.
01:08:07.000 And then he lost a lot of weight.
01:08:09.000 Or he had the surgery.
01:08:10.000 Maybe he had the surgery.
01:08:11.000 I don't know if he did or he didn't, but whatever method he chose, maybe I'm just not up on what he's doing these days.
01:08:18.000 But I remember seeing that guy everywhere when he was big.
01:08:21.000 And then he got skinny and...
01:08:24.000 Don't hear about it too much.
01:08:25.000 No, well, you know, it's weird because we also, people will disappear and you don't even realize they're gone.
01:08:31.000 Yeah, that is weird, right?
01:08:33.000 The guys that you were like, I thought that guy was going to be around forever.
01:08:36.000 That guy was really funny.
01:08:38.000 It's interesting.
01:08:40.000 Yeah.
01:08:40.000 Is it women?
01:08:41.000 Is it getting married, having kids, you think?
01:08:42.000 It could be that.
01:08:43.000 It could be some people get tired of the stress.
01:08:45.000 You know, Jim and I, we're talking about how much we love stand-up, but we never quit doing it.
01:08:48.000 But everybody's got a different psychological makeup.
01:08:51.000 And for some people, the anxiety of performance is, like, really intense.
01:08:56.000 Yeah.
01:08:56.000 Well, it's also, I think that...
01:09:00.000 Some of it's luck.
01:09:01.000 It's a real cruel business.
01:09:04.000 I was definitely an angry guy.
01:09:07.000 A lot of people were successful before me and I was angry for a couple of years.
01:09:12.000 Really?
01:09:13.000 How did you get yourself out of that?
01:09:15.000 Therapy.
01:09:16.000 Really?
01:09:17.000 Yeah.
01:09:17.000 Wow.
01:09:18.000 I came to the conclusion that I was not doing stand-up.
01:09:26.000 I was happy for my friend's success, but I felt like I was a failure.
01:09:32.000 But I had to come to the conclusion, what is success?
01:09:36.000 And what success is, is like doing what you love and actually getting paid for it.
01:09:41.000 And so then I adopted that attitude and then things started going my way.
01:09:46.000 And that's why I'm releasing a 12 book series.
01:09:49.000 That's interesting, man.
01:09:53.000 That's really cool.
01:09:54.000 I love hearing stuff like that.
01:09:55.000 I love hearing somebody figuring things out and just turning it all around.
01:09:59.000 A lot of wasted energy on Andrew.
01:10:01.000 That was really, yes.
01:10:02.000 A lot of wasted energy.
01:10:03.000 Haters.
01:10:03.000 I always say no haters are winners.
01:10:05.000 There's no people out there writing scathing YouTube comments where they just break down your fucking soul. 0.99
01:10:11.000 Those are not winners. 0.99
01:10:12.000 They're not happy.
01:10:13.000 There's no way you are.
01:10:13.000 You're wasting your energy.
01:10:15.000 You're wasting it.
01:10:16.000 Yeah, it's also, it's like you put out, you get what you put out.
01:10:20.000 Yes, you do.
01:10:20.000 And it does make you feel, you know, like if you're feeling shitty and you help someone, you feel better.
01:10:25.000 Yes.
01:10:26.000 Particularly if you steal from them while you're helping them.
01:10:28.000 Yeah.
01:10:31.000 Yeah.
01:10:32.000 I don't know, man.
01:10:33.000 It's just really nice to me to see someone kind of figure things out like that and get a new perspective on things.
01:10:39.000 But don't we have to learn these lessons like over and over and over?
01:10:44.000 I don't remember who said it, but they said that inspiration is effective, but it's like bathing.
01:10:49.000 It only lasts for so long.
01:10:50.000 That's why we recommend it daily. 0.76
01:10:52.000 And the idea being that, you know, I guess it's easy to fall into a pattern of just not having your shit together or not thinking right or, you know, letting yourself get jealous or letting yourself go down a negative way.
01:11:04.000 You know, people like this, it's a big cliche, like, you know, I'm just trying to keep it positive. 0.91
01:11:09.000 Sometimes what really keeping it positive means is addressing some shit that's not positive at all. 0.99
01:11:15.000 And getting to know what the fuck is making you tick. 0.99
01:11:17.000 And if you find out that you're getting angry for someone else's success for no reason, it's like your brain knows you're talented. 0.99
01:11:24.000 You know you're talented.
01:11:25.000 But why isn't anybody else seeing it?
01:11:27.000 Instead of your brain using that resource and going, let's just make sure it's undeniable. 0.99
01:11:31.000 Let's just concentrate on being funnier and funnier until no one can say shit. 0.99
01:11:35.000 Yeah, well, it's the undeniability thing. 0.99
01:11:37.000 But I think also, for me, I have to be in touch with being humble.
01:11:44.000 I know this is sounding really corny, but usually when I'm angry is when I think I'm in control.
01:11:51.000 I'm crazy enough to think that I can control the entertainment business.
01:11:57.000 Yeah.
01:11:57.000 Or I can control whether my flight's delayed.
01:12:02.000 That's just insane.
01:12:03.000 It's like, well, maybe if I'm angry to this flight attendant, the plane will take off sooner.
01:12:08.000 It doesn't make sense.
01:12:10.000 So when I'm in touch with being humble, it ends up paying off.
01:12:15.000 Yeah, that's a very important aspect of comedy.
01:12:17.000 That's the 13th book of my series.
01:12:19.000 Well, we were talking about earlier about guys who wind up stealing material, and that stealing is the opposite of being humble.
01:12:26.000 You want more credit for who you are, what you're selling.
01:12:33.000 You're pretending it's better than it really is.
01:12:35.000 It's the exact opposite of humility, and that is the exact wrong state of mind to be in for creativity, I think.
01:12:42.000 Yeah.
01:12:43.000 That's so fucking awesome that you figured that out, man.
01:12:47.000 I was, for sure, at a certain point in time early in my career, I really had a hard time enjoying comedy. 0.88
01:12:53.000 Because when someone would kill, when someone was really good, all I was thinking is, man, are they better than me? 1.00
01:12:59.000 Fuck, I hope they're not better than me, man. 1.00
01:13:01.000 Fuck, how good is that? 1.00
01:13:02.000 That guy's pretty fucking good. 1.00
01:13:03.000 It would bother me that something was good. 0.98
01:13:06.000 I couldn't just enjoy it.
01:13:07.000 I couldn't just sit back and watch.
01:13:09.000 It took a while before I figured that out, that that was holding me back, that I would work with people and if they were really good I would get nervous.
01:13:17.000 Instead of the way I do it now, I bring really funny people on the road with me on purpose because I want to be laughing too.
01:13:25.000 I work with Ari Shafir, I don't know if you know him, and Duncan Trussell, and Joey Diaz, and Tom Segura, all these really funny guys.
01:13:34.000 When I'm sitting there waiting to go on stage, I'm laughing my ass off, and it puts me in the perfect state of mind.
01:13:39.000 I want them to be brilliant. 1.00
01:13:41.000 I want them to kill. 0.99
01:13:42.000 But when I was young, I was terrified of it. 0.96
01:13:44.000 I didn't want anybody else to be any good. 0.99
01:13:46.000 I wanted them to be terrible so that I could fucking skate by on my shitty act. 0.99
01:13:51.000 Yeah, well, it's amazing how we evolve. 0.99
01:13:56.000 And I think it's insane how...
01:13:59.000 I think podcasts are making comedians...
01:14:03.000 Like, it's siphoning out...
01:14:06.000 I mean, I'm a jokesmith.
01:14:07.000 And it's adding, you know, discourse or kind of reflection back into stand-up.
01:14:16.000 Right.
01:14:17.000 Whereas it used to be like, well, it's the deal with keys, right?
01:14:20.000 And so now it's, I feel like, I don't know, maybe I'm wrong, but, you know, it's like podcasts are influencing some of this.
01:14:30.000 You know, it's like Pete Holmes even said that to me.
01:14:32.000 He said that his podcast is changing his act.
01:14:35.000 And I'm like, that makes sense.
01:14:38.000 It's got to be so fun to like, when you hear a bit and then you can go, you know what?
01:14:43.000 Because, you know, when you hang around some friends, you know, like three in the morning, you don't have someone recording it.
01:14:48.000 Right, right, right.
01:14:48.000 But like when you're doing a podcast and you're like, go back to like that in the middle.
01:14:52.000 I said something funny.
01:14:54.000 That might be a bit.
01:14:55.000 That might be a bit.
01:14:55.000 Oh, yeah.
01:14:56.000 I've definitely come up with some bits from the podcast, 100% for sure.
01:14:59.000 That's great.
01:15:00.000 Yeah, I mean, you're talking three hours at a pop, you know, many times.
01:15:04.000 We've done many three-hour ones.
01:15:05.000 We did a Kevin Smith one.
01:15:06.000 I think that was the longest one we ever did, like three and a half hours?
01:15:09.000 Yeah.
01:15:09.000 And it's thanks to Twitter, too, for reminding you.
01:15:12.000 You'll say something and be like, oh, shit, I did say that. 0.99
01:15:16.000 Twitter is amazing. 1.00
01:15:18.000 It's amazing.
01:15:19.000 Twitter is changing how...
01:15:21.000 I mean, I've done things on Twitter, and I remember like a year ago, I did some jokes because we just had a kid, and I was driving to do a show, and the guy who was opening, he was like, you're going to put those in your act, aren't you?
01:15:35.000 And I was like, I didn't even think of that.
01:15:37.000 And he was like, yeah.
01:15:38.000 And it's like, they're great jokes.
01:15:41.000 And now Twitter is this source of like, is this funny?
01:15:45.000 I mean, 99% of the time, no, but...
01:15:48.000 If you can get two great lines that can open up a topic, that's amazing.
01:15:54.000 Well, you're going to get some tweets from this podcast, for sure, where people will tweet quotes that you said that made them laugh.
01:16:01.000 That happens all the time, right?
01:16:02.000 And you'll forget you even said it.
01:16:03.000 And then someone will tweet it.
01:16:05.000 That's fun.
01:16:06.000 What's your numbers now?
01:16:07.000 What do you have for your Twitter followers?
01:16:11.000 It's so funny.
01:16:13.000 It's all I follow every day.
01:16:15.000 There's a strange obsession.
01:16:17.000 It's crazy.
01:16:19.000 I think it's 960-something.
01:16:22.000 But I'm getting close.
01:16:23.000 96?
01:16:24.000 960?
01:16:25.000 960. 960,000.
01:16:27.000 Holy shit. 0.99
01:16:28.000 But I've been working. 0.99
01:16:29.000 Dude.
01:16:30.000 I've been working.
01:16:31.000 When you're in a million, are you going to feel different?
01:16:34.000 You know, I've only, over the past month or two, started to even have conversations on there.
01:16:42.000 Like, first of all, initially I was like, I'm not going to have a conversation.
01:16:45.000 Like, there's Twitter things.
01:16:46.000 We should go over this, and then I should go.
01:16:48.000 But here's the first one.
01:16:49.000 The first one is...
01:16:51.000 And some of my friends do this, so it's like to each their own.
01:16:56.000 It's like when someone says, Jim Gaffigan was awesome tonight...
01:17:02.000 Part of me, the desire is to retweet that, but that's almost bragging, right?
01:17:07.000 Yeah, you get a humble brag for that.
01:17:09.000 Right, and so then there's the...
01:17:15.000 So there's that.
01:17:16.000 And then there's even having conversations.
01:17:18.000 Like, I had always wanted my timeline to just be jokes.
01:17:24.000 Just jokes.
01:17:25.000 You know, like, maybe an appearance page list.
01:17:31.000 You know, it's like, I'll be in Tampa, blah, blah, blah.
01:17:33.000 By the way, I will be in Foxwoods on June 2nd.
01:17:37.000 No, and so because...
01:17:39.000 JimGaffigan.com?
01:17:40.000 JimGaffigan.com.
01:17:42.000 And so I would do that, but there's also something insane about that, because there is something social, and if your friend says something funny, it would be fun to respond.
01:17:54.000 So I've just been doing that for the past two months.
01:17:56.000 But how many people do you follow?
01:17:59.000 I follow a lot.
01:18:00.000 I follow a lot, too.
01:18:01.000 I follow over a thousand. 0.98
01:18:03.000 It kind of sucks.
01:18:04.000 I've been thinking about cutting my numbers down lately. 0.97
01:18:06.000 You can't do that.
01:18:07.000 Yeah, but there's so many people who are like, dude, I tweeted for a week.
01:18:11.000 I've cut a few celebrities. 0.97
01:18:13.000 I was following some celebrities as a goof, and it's just moronic shit over and over again, and I'd get crazy, and I'd have to delete it. 0.89
01:18:20.000 Well, I've done that, but I also feel like that's kind of like inviting someone to dinner and then saying, sorry, you can't come, isn't it? 0.97
01:18:28.000 I don't know.
01:18:29.000 No, it's like...
01:18:30.000 How about when?
01:18:30.000 People unfollow me all the time, especially really douchey people.
01:18:34.000 I'm sure some woman will get mad at my not wanting women to be running things. 1.00
01:18:39.000 Right.
01:18:39.000 I quote about that earlier.
01:18:40.000 You fucking sexist pig. 1.00
01:18:41.000 By the way, that all came from watching a woman yell and scream at a guy yesterday, pointing at his face in a ridiculous situation where I thought... 1.00
01:18:50.000 It could escalate to violence and I might have to step in as kind of craziness.
01:18:54.000 So that's just the origin of that.
01:18:57.000 Maybe not really.
01:18:59.000 Maybe I just made that up too.
01:19:00.000 You don't know.
01:19:01.000 We don't know.
01:19:02.000 But we're going to agree with you.
01:19:04.000 Because we're sitting in a room with you.
01:19:07.000 But, uh, what was the, uh, thing about the Twitter thing?
01:19:11.000 It's how about this?
01:19:12.000 How about like when you have like, you know, a comedian, uh, you know, there's friends and then there's peers that you kind of know.
01:19:19.000 Right.
01:19:19.000 And you'll be like, Hey, you know, I'm going to send them a direct message.
01:19:21.000 And then you realize they don't follow you.
01:19:23.000 Isn't there a little bit like, really?
01:19:25.000 Yeah.
01:19:25.000 Yeah.
01:19:25.000 Really, you don't follow me?
01:19:26.000 I've done that accidentally, though, and I apologize.
01:19:29.000 Like, I didn't realize I wasn't following somebody.
01:19:30.000 And there's people that I knew I was following that for some reason I wasn't following.
01:19:33.000 I've had that, too.
01:19:35.000 Twitter's been doing that a lot lately, and I think it's the iPhone.
01:19:37.000 I think if you have the iPhone, you'll have the app open, and then you could easily, like, hit it, you know, unfollow.
01:19:42.000 And accidentally unfollow someone?
01:19:44.000 Yeah.
01:19:44.000 Because it happens to me all the time.
01:19:46.000 You know what else has happened?
01:19:47.000 I used to have a Blackberry and I had an iPhone at the same time.
01:19:50.000 And when I had my Blackberry, I would go and check a direct message on Twitter, and then I would go, I've got to respond to that eventually, but I don't have time right now.
01:19:59.000 And then I would go check it online, and there'd be no direct message.
01:20:03.000 It wouldn't exist anymore. 0.98
01:20:04.000 Like, what the fuck? 0.97
01:20:05.000 I didn't delete it. 0.97
01:20:05.000 Well, I do know that if they delete a message, it deletes it. 0.97
01:20:10.000 Oh, really?
01:20:12.000 So somebody can send it to you, think that you didn't respond, just delete it?
01:20:15.000 Yeah.
01:20:16.000 And then there's another thing. 0.99
01:20:17.000 That I feel like a dick. 0.95
01:20:18.000 If you go to somebody's page and it says that you're not following them, if you hit refresh, a lot of times then it will say you're following them. 0.97
01:20:26.000 Like it just doesn't show up that you're following them.
01:20:29.000 And so then you might click it thinking like, ah, I thought I was following this.
01:20:32.000 Oh, then you unfollow.
01:20:32.000 And then that's unfollowing.
01:20:34.000 Are you kidding me?
01:20:35.000 Yeah, yeah.
01:20:35.000 So anytime you...
01:20:36.000 God damn it. 0.99
01:20:37.000 Great. 1.00
01:20:39.000 It's like, I exist with enough guilt already.
01:20:42.000 You know?
01:20:43.000 So anyway, I eventually have to go.
01:20:46.000 You gotta get out of here right now?
01:20:47.000 I do.
01:20:48.000 What time is it?
01:20:48.000 Yeah, it's 8. Yeah, it's 8.17.
01:20:51.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:20:51.000 Alright, listen, you sexy bitch. 1.00
01:20:53.000 This was fun, though. 1.00
01:20:54.000 Thank you.
01:20:55.000 Anytime.
01:20:55.000 Please come by.
01:20:56.000 You're awesome, man.
01:20:57.000 Anytime you want to do it, please.
01:20:58.000 How often are you out here in LA? Not that often.
01:21:01.000 You live in New York City?
01:21:02.000 I've got four kids.
01:21:02.000 Four kids.
01:21:03.000 You live in Manhattan?
01:21:04.000 Yeah.
01:21:05.000 Wow, what is that like with four kids living in Manhattan?
01:21:07.000 It's like really hard.
01:21:09.000 Yeah, I would say, what do you do with them?
01:21:11.000 How do you take them places and stuff?
01:21:13.000 And we live in a two-bedroom. 0.99
01:21:14.000 Holy shit. 0.99
01:21:16.000 Wow, and that's probably $100,000 a month, right? 1.00
01:21:20.000 Well, I own their place. 0.99
01:21:21.000 Fucking ridiculous, aren't they? 1.00
01:21:22.000 It's insane. 1.00
01:21:23.000 It's the craziest way to live.
01:21:25.000 I'm sure my apartment is like half the size of your garage. 0.99
01:21:29.000 Wow, that's ridiculous. 0.99
01:21:30.000 And you must pay a shitload for it, too, right? 1.00
01:21:32.000 Well, yeah, yeah.
01:21:33.000 I had a friend who's got a $4 million apartment, and I was like, this is $4 million.
01:21:37.000 This is $4 million.
01:21:39.000 This is like $1,600 a month in Burbank.
01:21:42.000 This is $4 million in New York. 1.00
01:21:44.000 This is fucking craziness. 1.00
01:21:45.000 It's craziness. 1.00
01:21:46.000 It is.
01:21:46.000 Move to the West Coast and we'll start a podcast.
01:21:48.000 Yeah, dude, if you ever want to come out here, man, you would be running shit. 0.99
01:21:52.000 I'm not a driver. 0.98
01:21:53.000 I don't drive.
01:21:54.000 You couldn't imagine the amount of anxiety when I was like...
01:21:57.000 The 5?
01:21:58.000 The 134?
01:21:59.000 It's like, I don't drive that much.
01:22:01.000 Marijuana and a navigation system, and you'll be fine.
01:22:04.000 Don't worry about it.
01:22:05.000 It's all figured out.
01:22:06.000 You'll never have to worry about how to drive.
01:22:08.000 You can't say that you could never live here because of the sun, because you wouldn't be outdoors that much.
01:22:16.000 I did a ginger.
01:22:17.000 It's fine.
01:22:18.000 She just wears big hats. 0.93
01:22:19.000 Yeah, you'd be fine, dude.
01:22:20.000 You can do it.
01:22:21.000 Well, I don't know.
01:22:21.000 You're scared of the sun, for real?
01:22:23.000 No, you know what?
01:22:25.000 Some of it is, I think, the entertainment business.
01:22:27.000 I don't know if I want to be that deep into it.
01:22:30.000 Yeah, you're probably right.
01:22:31.000 I know what that means.
01:22:32.000 You can live in a completely different world than New York.
01:22:35.000 People are, for sure, more informed.
01:22:38.000 You know, the caste system that exists in Hollywood. 0.95
01:22:41.000 Oh, he's on a network show, so he gets to go here.
01:22:45.000 And then here's an indie actor, so he jumps over you.
01:22:48.000 Oh, you're a comedian?
01:22:49.000 You can go back there with the mimes.
01:22:53.000 Is that how you feel when you're out here?
01:22:55.000 I think that there is a hierarchy here.
01:22:58.000 Well, I think that if you came out here, just if I was saying it, I was going to say, Jim Gaffin, this is what you could do. 0.50
01:23:03.000 If you came out here and started a fucking podcast and you'd have all the comics that are out here, or you could actually even do this in New York if you wanted to, but you would have a huge podcast. 0.62
01:23:11.000 I think it would be enormous, and I think it would change everything. 0.98
01:23:13.000 Change how you promote your club dates, your theater gigs, anything you're doing.
01:23:19.000 It would be amazing.
01:23:20.000 For sure, easily.
01:23:21.000 People would, right away, you'd be in the top five in iTunes.
01:23:25.000 That's why you do it here at Death Squad.
01:23:27.000 You'd be in the top five in iTunes right away.
01:23:29.000 I'm 100% convinced.
01:23:30.000 Oh, yeah, yeah.
01:23:31.000 You'd be one of the few people that I would subscribe to.
01:23:34.000 Yeah, you're perfect for this, man.
01:23:36.000 I could do it with my wife.
01:23:37.000 Yeah, that's not a bad idea.
01:23:38.000 Tom Segura does it with his wife.
01:23:40.000 That only works out 50% of the time.
01:23:42.000 It only works out 50% of the time?
01:23:44.000 Well, you mean with couples?
01:23:45.000 Good thing you're not saying that.
01:23:46.000 You don't mean like Tom Segura.
01:23:47.000 No, no, no. 1.00
01:23:48.000 His shit sucks half the time. 1.00
01:23:49.000 No, I'm just saying with couples. 1.00
01:23:51.000 Let's just be clear.
01:23:52.000 Yeah, most of the time it causes a breakup.
01:23:55.000 So either way, it's a win.
01:23:56.000 It's a win-win.
01:23:57.000 All right.
01:23:58.000 Jim Gaffigan, ladies and gentlemen.
01:23:59.000 Thank you.
01:23:59.000 And you can get his special, When and How?
01:24:01.000 April 11th.
01:24:02.000 April 11th.
01:24:03.000 Five dollars.
01:24:04.000 Five bucks.
01:24:05.000 At jimgaffigan.com.
01:24:07.000 Jimgaffigan.com.
01:24:08.000 G-A-F-F-I-G-A-N. Yes. 1.00
01:24:11.000 Dot com. 1.00
01:24:11.000 Dude, you're the fucking man. 1.00
01:24:13.000 Will it be available on iTunes or Amazon or any of those places? 1.00
01:24:16.000 Just Jim Gaffigan.
01:24:17.000 Just Jim Gaffigan.
01:24:17.000 Okay, cool.
01:24:18.000 Awesome.
01:24:19.000 Thank you very much for coming, sir.
01:24:20.000 Thank you.
01:24:20.000 Appreciate it.
01:24:20.000 It was awesome.
01:24:21.000 I appreciate it.
01:24:21.000 It's so fun.
01:24:22.000 Yeah, it's always fun to have a comic.
01:24:23.000 Especially a comic that I don't really get a chance to talk to that much.
01:24:25.000 I know.
01:24:25.000 This is fun.
01:24:26.000 Really cool.
01:24:26.000 Yeah, really cool.
01:24:28.000 Thanks to The Fleshlight for sponsoring our lovely podcast.
01:24:30.000 Please go to JoeRogan.net.
01:24:32.000 Click on the link.
01:24:32.000 Enter in the code name Rogan.
01:24:33.000 You shave yourself 15% off.
01:24:35.000 You've heard this before.
01:24:36.000 What's behind us?
01:24:37.000 The Fleshlight.
01:24:37.000 Pretty girls.
01:24:38.000 That's Little Lester.
01:24:39.000 That's a little kid, right?
01:24:41.000 No, she's a grown woman, actually.
01:24:42.000 She calls herself Little Lester.
01:24:44.000 She tattled on me for parking at the company. 0.71
01:24:45.000 Oh, Little Lester.
01:24:47.000 Why'd you go negative on me?
01:24:48.000 Come and give me a hug and apologize to Brian.
01:24:51.000 Thank you to Onnit.com.
01:24:53.000 O-N-N-I-T. Makers of Alpha Brain. 1.00
01:24:56.000 Go get yourself some.
01:24:57.000 Always 100% money back guarantee for the first order of 30 pills.
01:25:02.000 You know why it's not more? 1.00
01:25:04.000 Because there's some people out there that are assholes. 0.99
01:25:06.000 And it used to be you can have it all money back. 1.00
01:25:08.000 100%.
01:25:09.000 Whatever you bought.
01:25:10.000 100% money back guarantee. 1.00
01:25:11.000 But then people were selling that shit. 0.99
01:25:12.000 So we had to stop doing that. 1.00
01:25:13.000 It's dirty, dirty people out there breaking the law. 0.92
01:25:16.000 Breaking the law. 1.00
01:25:18.000 Cutting through the rule systems.
01:25:19.000 Hacking the system.
01:25:20.000 They hacked the system, Jim Gaffigan. 1.00
01:25:22.000 God damn it! 0.99
01:25:24.000 Anyway, Onnit.com, AlphaBrain, Shroom Tech Sport, Shroom Tech Immune, and New Mood, the 5-HTP enhancement supplement. 0.98
01:25:30.000 As always, please, Google Nootropics. 1.00
01:25:33.000 Get yourself into that shit first. 1.00
01:25:34.000 Check it out. 1.00
01:25:35.000 Find out what the pros and cons.
01:25:37.000 And if you're interested in AlphaBrain, go to JoeRogan.net, click on the link, enter in the code name Rogan.
01:25:42.000 That's JoeRogan.net.
01:25:44.000 Yeah, not.com, who's a very nice guy, by the way.
01:25:47.000 Don't harass him.
01:25:47.000 What is he doing?
01:25:48.000 He's a real estate salesman in Idaho, and he just sent me some email that was accidentally supposed to go to me, but it went to him. 0.98
01:25:54.000 What the fuck is this podcast still going on for? 0.96
01:25:57.000 Good night, everybody. 0.99
01:25:58.000 We got a packed week. 0.97
01:26:00.000 Tomorrow, we have Jason Silva on Tuesday, Aubrey Marcus, and then on Wednesday, we got Matt from Hoarders, the guy who cleans up after those fucking crazy people. 0.98
01:26:10.000 So we got a busy week. 0.99
01:26:11.000 All right, you dirty freaks. 0.98
01:26:12.000 We'll see you soon. 1.00
01:26:13.000 Bye.
01:26:13.000 Love you.
01:26:13.000 Olive Garden.