The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #1937 - Punkie Johnson

00:00:12.000 From the bartender at the Comedy Store to Saturday Night Live. 1.00

00:00:19.000 What the fuck? 0.99

00:00:21.000 I'm still processing that if you want me to be honest. 1.00

00:00:24.000 How many years was it?

00:00:26.000 How many years I worked at the store?

00:00:28.000 Yeah.

00:00:29.000 I think 10. 10 years at the store.

00:00:32.000 What year did you start?

00:00:34.000 What year did you start comedy?

00:00:36.000 If I'm not mistaken, it was 2011. Oh, cheers, my friend.

00:00:41.000 Cheers.

00:00:41.000 So good to see you.

00:00:42.000 Thank you so much.

00:00:43.000 Congratulations on your success.

00:00:44.000 Thank you.

00:00:45.000 It's been amazing to see.

00:00:46.000 This is a dream come true, just being here.

00:00:48.000 This is the success right here.

00:00:50.000 It's a dream come true for me to see you rise.

00:00:52.000 I love it. 0.91

00:00:53.000 I love it when I see people start off at the store and just get their feet under them and get their shit together and pull it off. 0.79

00:01:01.000 Woo! 0.99

00:01:02.000 It's so exciting.

00:01:03.000 It's so exciting.

00:01:04.000 It's still unreal.

00:01:05.000 I'm still like...

00:01:08.000 I was kind of mentally still in California because I remember I was out there, just this little chick from New Orleans.

00:01:14.000 I'm like, what the hell am I doing in California?

00:01:16.000 What am I doing driving down Sunset and seeing these beautiful palm trees, the things that I would see on television?

00:01:22.000 And then that time just went, it just left.

00:01:25.000 Isn't it weird?

00:01:26.000 The first time I came to California was 93. I was with my friend Gary Valentine and we were out here to do some shit for MTV and we were driving around like, we're really here?

00:01:36.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:01:37.000 I was 26 and I was like, what the fuck is this place? 0.99

00:01:41.000 This place is so weird. 0.99

00:01:42.000 It just felt like I'm not supposed to be here or something.

00:01:45.000 Yeah.

00:01:45.000 That's exactly what it felt like for me.

00:01:47.000 I just got in where I fit in over there.

00:01:50.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:01:51.000 It's weird.

00:01:52.000 Got me a little job.

00:01:53.000 I moved out there.

00:01:54.000 I had me a little change because I didn't work for six months when I first went out there because I fell in a hole in New Orleans.

00:02:02.000 A hole?

00:02:03.000 Yeah.

00:02:04.000 What kind of hole?

00:02:04.000 I was just minding my business, walking down the street, and I just fell out of the world into a hole.

00:02:11.000 It was wet cement that was not blocked off.

00:02:13.000 Oh, no.

00:02:14.000 And I went down to, like, neck.

00:02:16.000 Oh, no.

00:02:18.000 So I was just, like, trying to get out. 1.00

00:02:19.000 And my stupid ass, I didn't realize how dangerous it was for me to be in that hole. 1.00

00:02:23.000 I was laughing the whole time. 1.00

00:02:24.000 I was like... 1.00

00:02:25.000 My stupid ass fell in a hole. 1.00

00:02:27.000 And then I had to, I was, the Walgreens was right there, so I had to go. 1.00

00:02:31.000 I bought, like, some pajamas or whatever they had.

00:02:33.000 And I went home, and my parents were like, this is not funny.

00:02:36.000 Like, you could have lost your life.

00:02:37.000 And then I got this major lawsuit.

00:02:39.000 I had to go to physical therapy because my adrenaline was pumping, so I didn't know I was hurt.

00:02:44.000 So the next day, I was just like, oh, my back was stressed.

00:02:46.000 My arms were stressed because I was banging on the ground trying to get out, trying to pull myself to the cement to climb out.

00:02:53.000 How did you get out?

00:02:54.000 Did someone help you?

00:02:55.000 No, nobody was outside.

00:02:56.000 I was screaming.

00:02:58.000 But I was laughing because I'm goofy. 1.00

00:03:00.000 And I'm like, you dumb bitch, how you falling to a hole? 1.00

00:03:02.000 But I didn't realize how serious it was till after. 1.00

00:03:06.000 And then my parents, they brought me to a lawyer.

00:03:08.000 They're like, hell no.

00:03:09.000 Like, no, you could have died.

00:03:11.000 And then I just, I forgot all about it.

00:03:13.000 I went to therapy for a year.

00:03:14.000 And then I got a check.

00:03:16.000 It took a year to get better from that? 0.99

00:03:18.000 Well, you know, with the lawyers and shit, you got to go to therapy while they litigate and figure shit out. 0.98

00:03:25.000 Did you have any lasting problems from that? 0.99

00:03:29.000 For a couple years, my neck, I had a strained back, I had a strained neck, but I was well, I was living in, for six months in Los Angeles with no job.

00:03:39.000 I was compensated pretty well.

00:03:41.000 So that's what got you to LA? Falling in a hole?

00:03:44.000 That's what got me financially...

00:03:46.000 Able.

00:03:47.000 Able.

00:03:48.000 Now, me going to LA, that's a different story.

00:03:50.000 So did you start stand-up in New Orleans?

00:03:54.000 Where'd you start?

00:03:55.000 I started in...

00:03:56.000 So I was always a comedian in my head.

00:04:00.000 Like, I would always, like, make up these little jokes.

00:04:03.000 New Orleans wasn't big on comedy.

00:04:06.000 They're still not too...

00:04:07.000 They're growing.

00:04:08.000 It's a growing comedic community out there right now.

00:04:10.000 And I just...

00:04:13.000 My...

00:04:14.000 My family, they comedians. 0.94

00:04:17.000 They just goofy. 0.64

00:04:18.000 I mean, we don't cry at funerals. 1.00

00:04:20.000 We just super, I mean, just dumb. 0.98

00:04:22.000 My mom cracked jokes when she was punishing me as a kid. 1.00

00:04:25.000 She would say riddles while she was whipping my ass. 1.00

00:04:28.000 I mean, it was nothing, like, everything was just funny. 0.99

00:04:32.000 It was nothing that was serious in my family.

00:04:35.000 If we, you know, on the weekends, you know, you clean the house, you listen to music, we listen to comedy in my house.

00:04:41.000 And before I went to sleep every night, I watched Comic View on BET. So I was like, you know what, I want to do that.

00:04:47.000 And so I started in Los Angeles when I got out there.

00:04:50.000 So the store was the first time you did stand-up?

00:04:54.000 I think the first time I ever did a set was at the Ice House in the Rhino Room.

00:05:01.000 The little room.

00:05:02.000 Yeah, the small room in the back. 1.00

00:05:03.000 Yeah, that small room is the shit. 0.99

00:05:05.000 Oh yeah, if I need to go and practice something. 1.00

00:05:07.000 That small room is truth serum. 1.00

00:05:09.000 If your jokes suck in that small room, they suck. 1.00

00:05:12.000 I'll go take a nice sexy bomb in them little bitty rooms. 1.00

00:05:15.000 Just some shit I just got in my head and I need to get out. 1.00

00:05:18.000 Oh yeah, like the belly room, rhino room. 0.99

00:05:21.000 I don't know if the Laugh Factory got a little room.

00:05:24.000 No.

00:05:25.000 No.

00:05:25.000 So I never really...

00:05:26.000 I just like the little baby rooms.

00:05:28.000 Those little rooms are... 0.99

00:05:29.000 When you're with a tiny amount of people, you get to see what's bullshit in your act. 0.99

00:05:33.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:05:34.000 And it's close.

00:05:35.000 And it's intimate.

00:05:36.000 Yeah.

00:05:36.000 And you look at people dead in their eyes.

00:05:38.000 Yeah.

00:05:38.000 Like you.

00:05:39.000 So...

00:05:40.000 Yeah.

00:05:40.000 I like the smaller rooms.

00:05:41.000 So that was your first set.

00:05:43.000 So what year was this?

00:05:45.000 I think this was like June 2011. Mm.

00:05:51.000 It's probably on one of my...

00:05:52.000 I keep my calendars.

00:05:53.000 It's probably on one of my old calendars.

00:05:54.000 So I don't think I met you until I came back to the store, which was the 14th, 2014, I think.

00:06:00.000 Yes, and that's when all the stories started happening about you.

00:06:03.000 Because I'm like, yo, that's the Fear Factory dude.

00:06:06.000 The Fear Factory dude.

00:06:08.000 I'm like, what the, because I didn't know the history.

00:06:10.000 So when, okay, so basically, I'm like this chick from this, from, you know, New Orleans, it's the country, you know what I'm saying?

00:06:19.000 New Orleans is a city, but I went to school in Thibodeau, Louisiana, and that's super, super country town, right?

00:06:27.000 Now, I always had dreams of coming to Hollywood, but I didn't know how I was going to get there.

00:06:31.000 So it was just me verbally speaking it.

00:06:34.000 So I didn't know what I was going to do.

00:06:36.000 And then I moved back to New Orleans.

00:06:38.000 I was in an eight-year relationship with this girl.

00:06:42.000 We broke up.

00:06:44.000 I didn't know how to be hurt.

00:06:45.000 That was my first time ever being hurt.

00:06:47.000 So I started following her everywhere.

00:06:50.000 Oh, no.

00:06:52.000 And like stalking her.

00:06:54.000 And I remember I used to sit outside in this tree with snacks and weed.

00:06:58.000 You sat in a tree?

00:06:59.000 No.

00:07:00.000 I'm telling you, I was tripping.

00:07:02.000 I was young, and I didn't know what to do.

00:07:05.000 I don't know.

00:07:06.000 I was tripping. 1.00

00:07:06.000 Anyway, cut all that shit short. 1.00

00:07:08.000 I'm like, you know how you just got to look in the mirror sometimes and be like, yo, you tripping? 0.99

00:07:13.000 Chase your dreams.

00:07:14.000 Don't be chasing no females. 0.70

00:07:16.000 What are you doing?

00:07:17.000 So I just had this epiphany about myself, like, bro, get out of here.

00:07:22.000 And within a week, I was out.

00:07:24.000 I was out.

00:07:25.000 I told my job I quit.

00:07:26.000 I told my moms I was leaving. 0.97

00:07:28.000 I packed up all my shit in this two-door blue Honda thing, and I drove across the country just like that. 0.98

00:07:36.000 Wow. 0.94

00:07:37.000 And that's how I got into comedy, because I had an interview at the comedy store, and when I got there, it was like 75 people in the original room.

00:07:47.000 And I looked around. 0.96

00:07:48.000 I ain't never seen no shit like that before. 0.98

00:07:50.000 Audition, you waiting in the office. 0.98

00:07:51.000 It's one, two people, maybe.

00:07:53.000 This was a line full of people waiting to be seen.

00:07:55.000 So I pulled back.

00:07:57.000 I was like, alright, okay.

00:07:59.000 If I get this job, that means it's meant for me to do comedy.

00:08:02.000 Because I ain't no way I'm going to get this job out of all these people.

00:08:05.000 So I get interviewed.

00:08:07.000 The dude, Mark, he loved the fact that I was from New Orleans. 0.93

00:08:10.000 He was gay. 0.91

00:08:11.000 And he loved the fact that I was gay. 0.88

00:08:13.000 So he was...

00:08:13.000 I got hired.

00:08:14.000 And I had a lot of charisma, Joe.

00:08:16.000 Come on now.

00:08:17.000 Come on now.

00:08:18.000 Had you ever bartended before?

00:08:20.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:08:21.000 I bartended for I think two, I think two years before.

00:08:27.000 See, a lot of people be sleeping on a comedy, so that's a whole different ballgame.

00:08:31.000 The volume up in that place is crazy.

00:08:34.000 You're doing three shows a night sometimes where you got to switch out.

00:08:38.000 I mean, you got to work fast because you're serving, what, 400, 500, 600, 700?

00:08:43.000 You could be serving 800 to 900 people a night, and you got to get them all two, three, sometimes full drinks within two hours.

00:08:51.000 Yeah, you guys hustle back there.

00:08:52.000 I mean, we sweating.

00:08:53.000 We soaking wet.

00:08:54.000 I know.

00:08:54.000 I was always impressed.

00:08:55.000 I was always impressed watching you guys hustle back there.

00:08:58.000 Man, that's...

00:08:59.000 I mean, you're making money.

00:09:01.000 You're having a good time, and it's family-oriented.

00:09:04.000 It's family-owned, so you're having a good time, but you got to move.

00:09:07.000 Well, that area, that back bar area, that's the vibe.

00:09:12.000 Everybody comes back and checks in on everybody, hugs everybody, says hi.

00:09:16.000 What I love about it is we got to sip a little bit, too, while we was back. 0.98

00:09:21.000 We come in that bitch thought with a shot. 1.00

00:09:23.000 We always do shots together. 1.00

00:09:25.000 We like, alright everybody, come on now.

00:09:27.000 Y'all know how it's gonna be?

00:09:29.000 I think I probably did a thousand shots with you.

00:09:33.000 Before shows, we always did shots.

00:09:35.000 We had to.

00:09:36.000 Because it's like, but I love working at places like that, too, that's not like corporate, and they allow their staff to have a good time.

00:09:42.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:09:43.000 You know, it's like, do whatever you want.

00:09:44.000 As long as you get the job done.

00:09:46.000 Get the job done, don't steal.

00:09:47.000 Yeah.

00:09:48.000 Point blank, period.

00:09:49.000 Yeah, that's it.

00:09:49.000 And we was like, cool, you ain't got to say nothing.

00:09:52.000 And the comedy store is a place of...

00:09:55.000 The customer ain't always right. 1.00

00:09:57.000 Like, don't come in here with that bullshit. 1.00

00:10:00.000 We kicking you out on site. 1.00

00:10:03.000 Don't start with the comedians on stage.

00:10:05.000 We don't really care what happened between you and the server.

00:10:08.000 The server gonna win.

00:10:09.000 Well, we know the servers. 0.99

00:10:11.000 We know they're not assholes. 0.99

00:10:12.000 There's no assholes there. 0.99

00:10:14.000 There was a few over the years, but they kind of weeded them out. 0.99

00:10:18.000 There's a few.

00:10:19.000 It's a place of like, you know, If you're not with us, you're against us, and you gotta go.

00:10:25.000 And we'll figure that out real fast.

00:10:26.000 Yeah.

00:10:27.000 Real fast.

00:10:27.000 I saw so many people try to flex and talk to the manager and think they're gonna get somebody fired, and it's hilarious.

00:10:35.000 The reaction is so different at the comedy store, they're like, yeah, you gotta go.

00:10:39.000 And they're like, what?

00:10:40.000 Yeah, you got to get out of that.

00:10:41.000 That person was rude to me.

00:10:43.000 No, they definitely weren't.

00:10:45.000 Look, handle it. 1.00

00:10:46.000 If that was, don't come up in here with that bullshit. 1.00

00:10:48.000 Handle it. 1.00

00:10:48.000 It was rude to you? 1.00

00:10:49.000 All right, go handle your business.

00:10:50.000 Also, we're pretty suspicious.

00:10:52.000 Yeah, and we all grown-ups in here.

00:10:53.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:10:54.000 Don't come with the tattletale and all that shit. 0.99

00:10:57.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:10:58.000 I probably should have got written up so many times at the comedy store.

00:11:01.000 I cursed so many people out at that bar.

00:11:03.000 No, you're supposed to.

00:11:07.000 You know, like people were coming there just doing the weirdest stuff and have the weirdest energy.

00:11:11.000 Well, they would come into the back bar, too, thinking they could order a drink.

00:11:15.000 Like, hey, you're in the employees area.

00:11:16.000 Like, why are you back here?

00:11:18.000 Like, drunks would wander through those doors and just make it into the back area.

00:11:22.000 But that was another thing about the store, too, because it's like, we expect for you to know what your lane is.

00:11:28.000 But then, you know, you give somebody an inch, they take a mile, and they think they run the joint, and then we got a problem.

00:11:34.000 But I do appreciate the people that come there and really want to be a part.

00:11:37.000 That just shows you that it's a good place and people really want to be a part of this family.

00:11:41.000 Well, it is a family and it is an amazing place.

00:11:44.000 That place has launched so many careers.

00:11:46.000 I mean, the history of that building is just insane.

00:11:49.000 Even before the Comedy Store, the history of the building, back when it was Ciro's Nightclub and Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis and Sammy Davis Jr., all these world-class talents would be on that stage.

00:12:02.000 Yeah, some good spirits in that building.

00:12:04.000 Yeah, for sure.

00:12:05.000 And a lot of murder, too.

00:12:07.000 Yeah.

00:12:08.000 So, Jeff Scott, God rest his wonderful soul, on Halloween, he would do these little haunted comedy tour exposition things up in...

00:12:24.000 We're good to go.

00:12:48.000 The murder.

00:12:49.000 It was 100% a mob-owned nightclub.

00:12:52.000 That's the fact.

00:12:54.000 Yes. 1.00

00:12:55.000 And you've got to think that some evil shit went down. 1.00

00:12:58.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00

00:12:59.000 In that building.

00:13:00.000 Absolutely.

00:13:01.000 I mean, it was owned by Bugsy Siegel.

00:13:03.000 I don't think I knew that.

00:13:06.000 Yeah, Bugsy Siegel owned the comedy store before Mitzi did.

00:13:10.000 When did that switch over?

00:13:11.000 What year was that?

00:13:12.000 Wasn't that in the 40s?

00:13:14.000 That's a good question.

00:13:15.000 Like, what year was Ciro's nightclub, Jamie?

00:13:18.000 Because I think Mitzi took it over in the 70s.

00:13:21.000 Okay, okay.

00:13:22.000 Mitzi and Sammy, they took it over in the 70s.

00:13:24.000 And then, because, yeah, right?

00:13:28.000 What year was it owned by Bugsy Siegel?

00:13:32.000 It closed in 57 and became a rock club for a little while.

00:13:35.000 So it opened in 1940. Cirrus became a popular night spot for celebrities.

00:13:40.000 And it closed in 57. It was reopened as a rock club in 65. And then what year did Desi Arnaz play there too?

00:13:49.000 Wow.

00:13:50.000 Cirrus once the most glamorous club in Hollywood.

00:13:53.000 I think the comedy store opened in the 70s.

00:13:58.000 72?

00:13:59.000 Yeah, there it is.

00:14:00.000 Because wasn't last year the 50th?

00:14:03.000 Um, yes.

00:14:05.000 It must have been.

00:14:06.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:14:07.000 Oh, shit. 0.99

00:14:07.000 We're in 2023. That is crazy. 0.99

00:14:09.000 It was called The Kaleidoscope in 68. And it was called It's Boss in 69. Oh, my God.

00:14:17.000 Patch 2. Patch 2. And then The Comedy Store in 72. And 72 to today.

00:14:23.000 Yeah.

00:14:24.000 The Kaleidoscope?

00:14:25.000 I never...

00:14:25.000 Did you know that?

00:14:26.000 No, I didn't know it was anything.

00:14:28.000 I remembered it was something other than Cero's for a little while, but I don't remember what it was.

00:14:32.000 But, you know, the big names were Cero's in the store.

00:14:35.000 That was the big names.

00:14:37.000 Now, that I never knew.

00:14:38.000 I thought it went straight from Cero's to...

00:14:40.000 Wow!

00:14:43.000 Oh, my God!

00:14:45.000 I gotta hit up Jen.

00:14:46.000 Oh, my God!

00:14:47.000 I gotta talk to Jen. 0.94

00:14:48.000 I wonder if she knew this, because this is serious.

00:14:50.000 I gotta talk to Lee, too.

00:14:52.000 Like, this is crazy.

00:14:53.000 Wow.

00:14:54.000 Who's Dick Dale?

00:14:55.000 John F. Kennedy.

00:14:56.000 John F. Kennedy was there?

00:14:58.000 What?

00:14:59.000 Wow.

00:15:00.000 He dined at Ciro's in 65. I believe this is like old surf rock.

00:15:04.000 Wow.

00:15:05.000 Man, the history of this place is crazy.

00:15:07.000 Crazy.

00:15:08.000 But it feels like it when you walk around.

00:15:10.000 Joan Crawford, Frank Sinatra, Ava Gardner, Sidney Poitier.

00:15:16.000 Jerry Lewis.

00:15:17.000 Lucille Ball.

00:15:18.000 Dean Martin.

00:15:19.000 Ronald Reagan was there?

00:15:21.000 Wow.

00:15:22.000 Mickey Rooney.

00:15:23.000 Wow. 0.95

00:15:24.000 Crazy.

00:15:25.000 All the people that frequented it.

00:15:27.000 George Burns, Jimmy Stewart, Jack Benny. 0.94

00:15:30.000 Crazy. 0.51

00:15:30.000 I can't believe the president was in there. 0.51

00:15:32.000 Yeah.

00:15:33.000 It was popping like that?

00:15:34.000 It was popping like that. 0.99

00:15:35.000 Goddamn! 0.98

00:15:36.000 I think it was the spot. 0.99

00:15:37.000 And Hollywood was the spot.

00:15:39.000 And that was the spot in Hollywood.

00:15:41.000 Yeah.

00:15:42.000 I mean, it's such a magic room.

00:15:44.000 I mean, everything about that place, it's so set up.

00:15:48.000 It's all the weird little corridors and weird little places in it.

00:15:53.000 I remember...

00:15:54.000 Pull that thing up too, please.

00:15:55.000 I remember when COVID hit, I was so afraid.

00:16:00.000 I was just scared that maybe it'll get...

00:16:03.000 Shut down because things wasn't looking right.

00:16:05.000 We came close.

00:16:07.000 I was just like, that was one thing I was saying, please don't let this place shut down.

00:16:11.000 Please don't let this place shut down.

00:16:12.000 Well, fortunately, they made a lot of money from 2014 to like 2019, like when it went down, you know, when 20, when it stopped, when everything stopped.

00:16:23.000 So they had some money put away.

00:16:25.000 But, you know, how long can you stay open and pay the rent and not have any income coming in?

00:16:32.000 Yeah, when COVID hit, I had to leave.

00:16:34.000 Because I didn't have any income coming in.

00:16:36.000 I was like, I ain't no way in hell.

00:16:38.000 I could stay up in Los Angeles.

00:16:41.000 So had you done any road work by then?

00:16:45.000 You've been doing stand-up since 2011. Right, right, right.

00:16:48.000 And you'd only been doing it in LA? Where had you been doing it?

00:16:52.000 I would get like small gigs like the Madhouse would show me some love.

00:16:56.000 That's San Diego?

00:16:57.000 San Diego.

00:16:58.000 Punchline San Francisco would show me some love.

00:17:01.000 That's a great room right there.

00:17:02.000 Yeah.

00:17:03.000 I love it.

00:17:04.000 I love it.

00:17:07.000 I honestly did not know what I was doing.

00:17:12.000 I didn't fall into the comedy game because that's what I wanted to do.

00:17:16.000 And when I got the job at the store, I'm like, all right, Bet, you're supposed to do comedy.

00:17:22.000 I was the type of person, I'm like, you know what, I'm going to just ride it out.

00:17:25.000 I'll probably, you know, of course I had dreams, but the way it's set up, like how hard it is and how much rejection is out there. 0.97

00:17:33.000 I just was like, you know what, I'm probably just going to be a comedist, don't comic forever, fuck it, whatever, right? 0.52

00:17:39.000 So then I just, I get past in 2016. Surprised. 0.99

00:17:44.000 I was like, oh, okay, for sure.

00:17:45.000 But I had a killer set. 0.94

00:17:47.000 My set was super ridiculous.

00:17:49.000 And from that, I got a manager.

00:17:51.000 I did this show with my guy, Hamid Weinberg, with Sarah Silverman Company.

00:17:56.000 So I got managers through that.

00:17:57.000 It was called Please Understand.

00:18:01.000 And then my managers, Dave, Becky, and Ethan Stern, they're like, all right, kid, what you want?

00:18:09.000 I said, what?

00:18:10.000 They said, what you want?

00:18:12.000 They say...

00:18:12.000 I was like, I just thought...

00:18:14.000 They're like, nah, you...

00:18:15.000 We about to put your life together now.

00:18:18.000 I'm like, I bet.

00:18:19.000 I want to do this, this, this, this, and this.

00:18:21.000 They say, cool.

00:18:21.000 Now it's time to goal it out.

00:18:23.000 Let's roll.

00:18:24.000 And I was like, alright.

00:18:26.000 So that's when things became a little more serious.

00:18:28.000 And that's when I started really learning the game.

00:18:30.000 But I didn't really know about the road until three years ago.

00:18:35.000 But of course, that was after...

00:18:39.000 Um, SNL. And now I done went from doing 15 minutes at the Comedy Store to, oh no, now you gotta do an hour.

00:18:46.000 You on TV. I'm like, oh, okay.

00:18:50.000 Um, you got an hour?

00:18:51.000 Absolutely.

00:18:52.000 No, I don't.

00:18:53.000 How much time did you have? 0.99

00:18:55.000 I don't know, 20 minutes, 30 minutes of just shit that I had accumulated over the years. 0.98

00:19:00.000 But now it was time for me to start putting it all together. 0.98

00:19:03.000 And every single step of the way, while I was doing that, I was thinking about you because I remember we had a conversation at the store.

00:19:09.000 I would ask you for advice.

00:19:10.000 I know you gave a lot of people advice.

00:19:11.000 You probably don't remember you told me this, but you was just like, economy of words.

00:19:15.000 Like, pshh.

00:19:17.000 What that means, Joe? 1.00

00:19:18.000 Fuck all that. 1.00

00:19:19.000 Get rid of all that fat. 1.00

00:19:21.000 Get to the point.

00:19:23.000 Find out how to explain your stories.

00:19:25.000 Simply, quickly.

00:19:26.000 Get to the punchline.

00:19:28.000 I'm like, alright. 0.99

00:19:29.000 So, as I'm putting this set together, I got paragraphs and paragraphs of shit trying to describe my joke. 0.99

00:19:34.000 And I'm like, economy of words, bitch. 0.99

00:19:36.000 And that's when my comedy started getting better. 0.99

00:19:38.000 Because I'm like, alright.

00:19:39.000 I'm going to say a sentence.

00:19:40.000 I'm going to say a joke.

00:19:41.000 I'm going to say a sentence.

00:19:42.000 I'm going to say a joke.

00:19:43.000 And if I got to tell a story with it, I'm going to make sure I got references inside of it.

00:19:46.000 And act out so it could be full and they don't have air or space in it.

00:19:52.000 So I'm still working on that though, by the way, but I'm better.

00:19:55.000 Well, we all are.

00:19:56.000 You work on it forever.

00:19:58.000 Yeah, I agree.

00:19:59.000 Especially because you're going to always come up with new material.

00:20:02.000 So if you come up with new material, you're always working on it.

00:20:04.000 Yeah.

00:20:05.000 That's why I like doing the small rooms to work on it.

00:20:10.000 But my small rooms now are the clubs.

00:20:12.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:20:13.000 Like, there's no more.

00:20:15.000 I mean, don't get it twisted.

00:20:16.000 I'll go do some comedy in a coffee shop in a second.

00:20:19.000 I'm humble.

00:20:19.000 I'm not about to be.

00:20:20.000 I ain't got no coffee.

00:20:21.000 That's not me.

00:20:22.000 You know, but before all of this, my rooms to go bomb in was the coffee shop or a library or the back of a basement.

00:20:31.000 I mean, not the back, but in a basement or something like that.

00:20:34.000 But I'm leveling up now.

00:20:36.000 But I still don't know what it feels like to, like, Really truly perform in a big theater.

00:20:44.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:20:45.000 I guess like things just kind of turned around for me so fast that I was never put in a situation to go open for anybody.

00:20:55.000 So now I just got to figure out how to do it now.

00:21:01.000 Now I'm working up to the theaters without having an experience of doing it for anybody else.

00:21:08.000 And you're doing it as a headliner.

00:21:09.000 Right.

00:21:12.000 Look, this is from the mud, man.

00:21:15.000 They got some days I'd be like, Punky, what are you doing?

00:21:18.000 I got to question myself every day.

00:21:21.000 Because I don't know, but I'm doing it.

00:21:24.000 Just keep doing it. 0.98

00:21:26.000 Keep doing it and one day you look back and you go, how the fuck did I get here? 0.97

00:21:30.000 Oh yeah, they got times I'll be like, punky, you know what, you still got time to just, you know they'll get your job back at the store. 0.92

00:21:41.000 You know, because it get hard.

00:21:43.000 But I'm like, my mother didn't raise me to be no sucker.

00:21:47.000 So it's like, you know, I just got to talk myself out of this. 1.00

00:21:49.000 I'm like, bitch, wake up. 1.00

00:21:50.000 Come on. 1.00

00:21:51.000 Stop all that stupid shit. 1.00

00:21:52.000 You was made for this. 1.00

00:21:53.000 You was born for this.

00:21:55.000 Let's go.

00:21:56.000 Yeah, that's called imposter syndrome.

00:21:58.000 Everybody has that.

00:21:59.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:22:00.000 If you're good, you have that.

00:22:01.000 Because the people that don't have that are usually delusional.

00:22:04.000 They don't critique themselves.

00:22:06.000 You know, sometimes I wish I was delusional.

00:22:08.000 No.

00:22:08.000 Sometimes.

00:22:09.000 Because these delusional people, they out here fucking up everything with a smile. 0.99

00:22:14.000 Like, yep, I did that. 0.99

00:22:15.000 Like, no, this is bad for you.

00:22:17.000 Delusional people are weird. 0.99

00:22:18.000 Like, you'll see them go on stage at the comic store and just eat shit and come off with a big smile on their face. 0.99

00:22:22.000 Like, you're not suicidal? 1.00

00:22:25.000 Man, I hate that.

00:22:27.000 It's weird, right?

00:22:28.000 Yeah, it is.

00:22:28.000 It's weird.

00:22:29.000 And some of them, they're paid regulars.

00:22:31.000 Like, they keep going.

00:22:33.000 Like, what's happening here?

00:22:35.000 I have seen a lot of people get, like, way better.

00:22:38.000 Like, Matt Edgar been killing the stage. 0.96

00:22:41.000 Like, Matt Edgar, like, super goofy, dumb funny to me, man. 0.67

00:22:46.000 And I don't really remember everybody that be up in there, but I know Valissa Venezuelan. 0.73

00:22:52.000 I hope I said her last name right.

00:22:54.000 I always be having a problem with that.

00:22:56.000 You talking about Melissa?

00:22:58.000 Yeah.

00:22:59.000 She's been murdering. 1.00

00:23:01.000 She's funny.

00:23:01.000 She's got great impressions.

00:23:03.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:23:04.000 She's a super nice person, too.

00:23:07.000 Melissa look happy as hell.

00:23:08.000 Melissa been glowing.

00:23:11.000 I'm like, girl, I'm like, what's going on with you?

00:23:13.000 I'm happy.

00:23:14.000 I'm just happy, dude.

00:23:16.000 She got all kind of like, I think, like JCPenney endorsements and stuff.

00:23:20.000 Like, she really doing it.

00:23:21.000 I'm happy for her.

00:23:22.000 But I miss the store.

00:23:24.000 I do.

00:23:25.000 Well, you know, it's a chapter in your life.

00:23:27.000 It's always going to be a thing, you know?

00:23:29.000 You're always going to miss it.

00:23:30.000 Just the vibe of going into that, pushing through those swinging doors and all the hustle and bustle and everybody's laughing and talking shit and All the waitresses are laughing, the comedians are laughing, everyone's having fun, everyone's working. 0.68

00:23:43.000 I miss the store. 0.94

00:23:44.000 I miss Jeff.

00:23:46.000 I miss Jeff too.

00:23:47.000 It's not the same.

00:23:48.000 I'm like, I go in the original room.

00:23:50.000 I'm like, man, I don't even want to walk in this room no more.

00:23:52.000 But you know what?

00:23:53.000 Guess what?

00:23:54.000 Time don't wait for people.

00:23:55.000 Things happen.

00:23:56.000 You got to move on.

00:23:57.000 But it's still different without Jeff.

00:23:59.000 It's different.

00:24:00.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 1.00

00:24:00.000 Jeff Scott was the fucking man. 1.00

00:24:02.000 He was, you know, such a big part of the store. 1.00

00:24:05.000 You know, he would just always crack jokes with them.

00:24:08.000 He would come talk to you about sets and stuff that you were doing.

00:24:11.000 He was just, he was like, almost like a counselor.

00:24:16.000 He was a part of the family, but he had a very specific role as the guy who played the piano and brought all the comedians up.

00:24:25.000 In between the comedians, for people who don't know, Jeff Scott would play piano.

00:24:28.000 But it was more than that. 0.74

00:24:31.000 With some comedians, they would work with him, so he'd play some music while they were on stage, and he would give them sound cues and fuck around with them. 0.91

00:24:39.000 But he was just an easy guy to be around, too.

00:24:43.000 Jeff and I, we had this thing where I would sing my little songs and stuff at the end of the night, and he would play with them.

00:24:53.000 And he would be filming a lot of them.

00:24:57.000 And when he passed away, I called one of the managers at the store.

00:25:03.000 I was like, I'm going to need y'all to get all of them tapes. 0.99

00:25:06.000 Get them fucking tapes. 0.99

00:25:08.000 Yeah, man. 1.00

00:25:09.000 Because me and Jeff used to say some shit, okay? 1.00

00:25:13.000 Man, man. 1.00

00:25:14.000 Because, you know, the comedy story is like, look, come in here, be yourself, do your thing. 0.99

00:25:19.000 We don't give a fuck. 0.99

00:25:20.000 You know, we want your authentic self. 0.99

00:25:23.000 And I was very, very my authentic self. 1.00

00:25:26.000 So I'm like, get them fuckers. 1.00

00:25:30.000 They're like, we got you, bitch. 1.00

00:25:34.000 You know, SNL is my first corporate job. 1.00

00:25:40.000 I got rules to follow and shit. 0.98

00:25:45.000 Especially in this climate, you just got to watch what you do and watch what you say. 0.97

00:25:49.000 And that's a big shift coming from somewhere where you didn't have to watch what you did and you didn't have to watch what you said.

00:25:54.000 That's like the polar opposite of the comedy story.

00:25:56.000 100%.

00:25:56.000 You just got to...

00:26:00.000 Be smart.

00:26:01.000 I have to be smarter in the way that I deliver or decide to say something sometimes. 0.99

00:26:06.000 Because I could say something, somebody could take that, blow that shit all out of context, and then boom, that's my job. 0.99

00:26:12.000 And you just never know. 0.99

00:26:14.000 Yeah.

00:26:15.000 But that's okay, too.

00:26:17.000 Even if that happens.

00:26:19.000 Even if it does.

00:26:19.000 I mean, you're going to always be alright, but then that's going to piss me off.

00:26:23.000 Yeah.

00:26:23.000 It's just like, yo, why are everybody starting all this drama over...

00:26:28.000 Simply misunderstanding something that somebody said.

00:26:31.000 Well, it's purposely misunderstanding it.

00:26:33.000 Like people are doing it on purpose.

00:26:34.000 It's people that just, you know what it's like?

00:26:36.000 It's like the world is filled with glass houses and there's just buckets of rocks everywhere.

00:26:40.000 Yeah.

00:26:40.000 People just want to smash a window.

00:26:42.000 It's like it's so easy to bring someone down now, especially someone that said they tweeted some shit in 2009 or said some shit. 0.99

00:26:50.000 It's like, it's a normal part of human culture. 0.99

00:26:54.000 Like, when you see someone, especially someone like yourself, that's on the rise and now all of a sudden you're doing great.

00:27:00.000 People that aren't doing great, they want to chop you down.

00:27:03.000 And you know what it's like.

00:27:04.000 Like, there's one thing about comedy that's fascinating is that when you start out, anybody can start out.

00:27:10.000 You know, anyone can get on that stage.

00:27:11.000 Open mics, it's for anyone. 0.97

00:27:13.000 Like, literally anyone, including mentally ill people. 0.82

00:27:16.000 Yeah.

00:27:16.000 And so you got a lot of mentally ill people that you're sharing space with and you're hanging out with them all the time and then you start to do well and they get angry at you.

00:27:24.000 Like people that have like severe narcissistic tendencies and severe jealousy. 0.90

00:27:29.000 And I've seen that with people.

00:27:31.000 It's interesting to watch it from the outside.

00:27:35.000 Watching like doormen and bartenders and people that just start out and then one of them starts doing well and then they start getting gigs. 0.98

00:27:43.000 And then they start opening for people, and they see the fucking hate in the other people, man. 0.97

00:27:47.000 It's fascinating to watch that. 0.99

00:27:50.000 And so those are the ones that want to take you down.

00:27:52.000 The ones that want to take you down are the ones that can't do it.

00:27:54.000 Yeah, that's very interesting.

00:27:59.000 Especially like working at the store, because the big comics will come in, and they'll just pick people.

00:28:06.000 And you would see it, because people that's been at the store for a while, they wouldn't get picked to go on the road or open up.

00:28:12.000 But, like, people come there and be new.

00:28:15.000 Want some of those?

00:28:16.000 Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

00:28:17.000 No, let me tell you.

00:28:18.000 Let me tell y'all. 1.00

00:28:20.000 I'm losing my job for sure if I smoke that shit. 1.00

00:28:23.000 Really? 1.00

00:28:24.000 Look, I start...

00:28:25.000 Look, I gotta...

00:28:27.000 You know what I gotta do with marijuana? 1.00

00:28:28.000 I gotta smoke that shit at the house. 0.99

00:28:32.000 Nobody there. 0.99

00:28:33.000 It's just me.

00:28:34.000 I can't get on the phone.

00:28:35.000 Really?

00:28:36.000 Yes.

00:28:36.000 I have to be in my own thoughts.

00:28:38.000 Oh, interesting.

00:28:39.000 Yeah.

00:28:40.000 Sometimes I'll film myself while I'm high.

00:28:45.000 Doing what?

00:28:47.000 Well, I'll go crazy.

00:28:48.000 Like, weed makes me crazy.

00:28:50.000 I'm paranoid.

00:28:51.000 I'm always worried about my parents. 0.99

00:28:54.000 I always start feeling also like I ain't shit with marijuana. 0.98

00:29:00.000 But a lot of people that smoke, they're like, look, just keep smoking, keep smoking. 0.98

00:29:03.000 That's just a wall you got to break through.

00:29:05.000 But I can't let myself feel that way.

00:29:08.000 Maybe it's the weed that I'm smoking.

00:29:10.000 I don't know.

00:29:10.000 No, I know what you're talking about.

00:29:12.000 I feel that way, too.

00:29:14.000 It's humbling.

00:29:15.000 And that's what I like about it.

00:29:17.000 Yeah, it makes me feel like I'm not good enough.

00:29:21.000 But it makes me get up and work.

00:29:22.000 Yes, that's what I'm talking about.

00:29:23.000 That's the good part about it.

00:29:26.000 That's why I'm scared of things that make you overconfident.

00:29:29.000 Things that make you overconfident I think are terrible for you.

00:29:33.000 It depends on the person, clearly, because some people have a real problem with confidence and they don't have any.

00:29:38.000 And for them, marijuana could be debilitating.

00:29:41.000 But I think for some people that are doing well, it's a little reality check.

00:29:46.000 It's like you need to look at the big, giant picture.

00:29:49.000 And sometimes you don't.

00:29:50.000 You just get so...

00:29:51.000 Locked in with blinders on, looking at your own day-to-day existence and known things that you concentrate on that you think are important.

00:30:00.000 Marijuana sort of dissolves any artificial barriers and just makes you look at things for what they really are.

00:30:07.000 I do allow myself to feel that once a month, but I have to be alone.

00:30:12.000 Well, that's probably good.

00:30:13.000 You know how to handle it.

00:30:14.000 That's smart.

00:30:15.000 It's a good way to handle it.

00:30:16.000 That's right.

00:30:17.000 I get me some marijuana, because you go to the stores now, and they be like, oh, this is that Lillilac Polly Wap. 0.99

00:30:24.000 I'm just like, look, I don't give a shit. 1.00

00:30:26.000 Just give me the shit. 1.00

00:30:28.000 I'ma smoke it. 1.00

00:30:29.000 Yeah.

00:30:30.000 Just your hybrid and your mixed with your hybrid.

00:30:35.000 So that's your indica mixed with your stativa. 0.99

00:30:38.000 I'm like, man, I don't give a shit. 0.99

00:30:40.000 Just give me some weed, bro. 0.99

00:30:42.000 I don't know nothing about weed like that.

00:30:44.000 So once a month, I'll smoke it.

00:30:47.000 I'll go through all my emotions.

00:30:48.000 I'll cry.

00:30:50.000 I'll reset.

00:30:52.000 I recharge.

00:30:54.000 And it honestly looks like I'm in a crazy house.

00:30:56.000 I had to film myself one time.

00:30:57.000 It kind of looks like I'm wrapped up because I'm always, I start rocking and I'm doing all of this and I'm crying and I'm talking to myself. 0.97

00:31:04.000 I'm like, you ain't shitting. 0.99

00:31:05.000 I'm like, bitch, please, please, you got it. 1.00

00:31:08.000 Because my emotions are all over the place when I'm smoking. 0.99

00:31:10.000 So I'd rather just not do that in public.

00:31:13.000 That's a good call.

00:31:14.000 I feel like those things you're describing, though, as an artist, it's a normal thing. 0.93

00:31:19.000 It seems so crazy that, you know, you would battle with you ain't shit and you got this, and then it's like both sides of your brain are sort of duking it out. 0.92

00:31:28.000 Yeah. 0.92

00:31:29.000 But I think as an artist, that's something that does, you have to have, as a performer in particular, you have to have a certain amount of confidence.

00:31:35.000 You have to be able to go up there and know that you got it.

00:31:38.000 But also, you have to have a certain amount of humility, and you have to have a certain amount of perspective.

00:31:43.000 And sometimes it's hard, and the better you get, the better you do in life, the more success you get, I think it's harder to have that perspective. 1.00

00:31:51.000 Because, you know, it's easier to just believe your own bullshit. 0.99

00:31:54.000 It's easier to, like, pretend you're different than everybody else. 1.00

00:31:57.000 It's easier to do that, like, that you're special.

00:31:59.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:32:00.000 But marijuana, like, lets you know, like, right away, bitch, you ain't special. 1.00

00:32:03.000 No. 1.00

00:32:04.000 No.

00:32:04.000 It's these voices.

00:32:05.000 You're full of fear and you're gonna die.

00:32:07.000 Oh my...

00:32:08.000 Yes!

00:32:08.000 Yeah.

00:32:09.000 And you're vulnerable as fuck. 1.00

00:32:10.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:32:10.000 And so is everyone you love. 1.00

00:32:12.000 Mm-hmm.

00:32:12.000 You know, we're all in this together.

00:32:14.000 Yeah.

00:32:14.000 And it just, it makes me, like, a more considerate person.

00:32:17.000 It makes me a kinder person.

00:32:19.000 Mm-hmm.

00:32:20.000 You know?

00:32:20.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:32:21.000 You always been considering the kind.

00:32:23.000 I ain't gonna lie.

00:32:23.000 You come to the store.

00:32:24.000 I remember they had some drama at the store one time and you was like, you was like, absolutely not.

00:32:28.000 No, no, no.

00:32:28.000 I don't want to say what it was, but you had our back.

00:32:32.000 Like the servers, you protected us and you was like, fuck no, not on my watch. 0.98

00:32:37.000 And we was like, yes, Joe. 0.98

00:32:39.000 He loves us.

00:32:41.000 Well, sometimes people, they abuse people that like work in the service industry.

00:32:46.000 Yeah.

00:32:47.000 You know?

00:32:48.000 It happens.

00:32:49.000 A lot, unfortunately.

00:32:50.000 You know, I try to pay it forward.

00:32:52.000 You know, you can always, like when I go to restaurants and stuff, you can always tell that I served and I bartended for a while because I stack everything up.

00:32:59.000 Nice.

00:33:00.000 They're like, will you chill?

00:33:01.000 I'm like, it's habit. 1.00

00:33:03.000 I just clean the fucking table for the people. 1.00

00:33:05.000 They just come pick the shit up. 1.00

00:33:07.000 And then I try my hardest to tip at least 50%. 0.99

00:33:11.000 And I also get that from you.

00:33:13.000 Yeah.

00:33:14.000 Yeah.

00:33:14.000 I'm like, you know, Joe, come in.

00:33:16.000 He showed mad love.

00:33:17.000 He was the reason why we made money a lot of nights.

00:33:20.000 And so I just try to pay that back.

00:33:23.000 It feels good.

00:33:24.000 I tell people it's like you're leaving love bombs.

00:33:26.000 Leaving a love bomb.

00:33:28.000 Even if you're not even there to watch it go off.

00:33:29.000 I like to get out of the room before they even see the tip.

00:33:32.000 Just enjoy that.

00:33:34.000 I mean, I can't do it all the time.

00:33:36.000 But sometimes I'm with my girl and I'm like, I mean, especially if the people were incredible.

00:33:40.000 I look at my girl, I'm like, we blessing these people tonight?

00:33:42.000 She'd be like, bless them, baby.

00:33:46.000 It's even better.

00:33:48.000 Even better if you say it that way.

00:33:52.000 Like you said, I don't need to stay and see their reactions.

00:33:55.000 I think that's missing in cultures where they don't tip.

00:33:58.000 I think the problem with tipping is that you could still pay someone like two bucks an hour, which is kind of crazy.

00:34:05.000 Yeah.

00:34:05.000 Which is crazy.

00:34:07.000 Two bucks an hour is so crazy.

00:34:09.000 Especially if you don't have a job in New York, because I think you can do that in New York.

00:34:13.000 I think there's a lot of places you could do that.

00:34:18.000 What I mean is, if you do it in New York, I don't think it matters because people in New York, they just have this sense.

00:34:23.000 They just know the tip.

00:34:24.000 Right, right, right.

00:34:25.000 They just know the show love.

00:34:26.000 It's an East Coast thing.

00:34:27.000 Yeah.

00:34:27.000 But, you know, a lot of people in the East Coast are tippers.

00:34:32.000 I like that about these.

00:34:33.000 I love the East Coast.

00:34:33.000 I don't think I'm going back to the West Coast.

00:34:35.000 I think the problem with the West Coast is too many people are trying to be famous.

00:34:38.000 And when you get too many people trying to be famous, you have like a high percentage of narcissists and a high percentage of sociopaths.

00:34:46.000 I mean, I don't know.

00:34:47.000 I don't mean it's like all of them, but it's like, what's the average, the percentage of sociopaths?

00:34:51.000 I think they say it's like 10% or something like that or 4%.

00:34:54.000 That's it?

00:34:55.000 I feel like it's way more.

00:34:58.000 I don't know how they really know.

00:34:59.000 They do it based on a sample size.

00:35:01.000 I don't know if they really know the actual numbers.

00:35:04.000 But that's the estimate, right?

00:35:06.000 And if you go to a place like Hollywood, you've got to imagine that most of the people that go there, the people that move there, they move there to either be a part of the business, like to be a producer or a director or something, or they want to be in front of the camera.

00:35:24.000 Or they want to be famous, they don't even know how.

00:35:26.000 And they'll try to figure out a thing.

00:35:28.000 Like, you've seen people go, they go from acting, and then they're acting for a while, and then they say, you know what, I'm gonna do stand-up.

00:35:33.000 We've seen a lot of those, right?

00:35:34.000 And then they just, they don't really love stand-up.

00:35:37.000 What they really love is getting attention.

00:35:40.000 They got broken when they were younger.

00:35:42.000 They have a hole inside of them that they need to constantly fill up with other people's attention.

00:35:47.000 And they'll pretend to be someone to get attention. 0.99

00:35:50.000 Which is the fucked up thing about auditioning. 0.94

00:35:53.000 Because you take a person who's like super insecure, wants to come to Hollywood for validation, and then you have this process where you have to beg people to like you. 0.95

00:36:03.000 You have to go in there and put on your best show and hope these people like you, which completely changes the way people behave.

00:36:11.000 Because those people that are so desperate for success or really want to make it, they start behaving and thinking in a way that they think is going to get them successful in their business.

00:36:20.000 And they can't express unique or individual opinions on things.

00:36:24.000 They can't have controversial views.

00:36:26.000 You're not allowed to.

00:36:27.000 You won't get a gig.

00:36:28.000 And so you have all these people that just, they become like this sort of Hollywood ideology espousers.

00:36:38.000 They just become these people that talk the same way.

00:36:41.000 Like you see them, they say, like when they see you, they don't say, nice to meet you, punky.

00:36:46.000 They say, good to see you.

00:36:47.000 Good to see you because maybe they've seen you already.

00:36:50.000 Maybe they forgot.

00:36:51.000 So instead of just saying, nice to meet you, oh, we met.

00:36:54.000 Oh, I'm sorry, when did we meet?

00:36:55.000 Instead of having a real moment, it's good to see you.

00:36:58.000 Everything's good to see you. 0.97

00:36:59.000 It's fucking weird. 0.99

00:37:02.000 They're like little robots. 1.00

00:37:03.000 Who the fuck says good to see you? 0.99

00:37:05.000 If you brought a friend over and the friend says, hi, this is my friend Punky. 0.99

00:37:08.000 Hi, Punky, good to see you.

00:37:09.000 Good to see you.

00:37:11.000 What kind of weird people are you bringing over here? 1.00

00:37:13.000 What the fuck is going on? 1.00

00:37:14.000 Good to see me. 0.99

00:37:15.000 Yeah, it's good to see.

00:37:17.000 It's good to hear you too.

00:37:18.000 It's so crazy.

00:37:20.000 I never thought about that.

00:37:22.000 Yeah, so that flavors the vibe of the city because it's the number one industry or at least the most famous industry in Los Angeles is the television and film industry and then of course the music business which is kind of similar I mean when the record days in the record days in the radio days when it was really important You had to impress these people that were the record executives,

00:37:47.000 and you had to impress these people who were the radio executives, because they would play your music, and they would pick you.

00:37:52.000 And there were so many people they could pick, and they would pick you, and they had these predatory relationships where they'd take an enormous amount of the money that you made.

00:38:00.000 And that was the only way you're going to make it.

00:38:02.000 How else are you going to make it?

00:38:03.000 You've got to go through the system. 0.98

00:38:04.000 And a lot of people who made it through, like Prince, He had to change his fucking name because he couldn't perform into the name Prince. 0.98

00:38:11.000 He had to use that crazy logo. 0.99

00:38:13.000 That's crazy.

00:38:14.000 It's crazy that he pulled it off, though. 1.00

00:38:15.000 He's like, I got an idea, bitch. 1.00

00:38:17.000 I'm so famous. 1.00

00:38:18.000 Everybody knows who the fuck this is. 0.99

00:38:20.000 Also, it's like, I'm me. 0.99

00:38:21.000 And he did it before social media.

00:38:23.000 Yeah.

00:38:24.000 You know?

00:38:25.000 Like, Kanye could change his name every week and people would keep up.

00:38:27.000 Kanye could do whatever he want.

00:38:28.000 He could change his name every week. 1.00

00:38:30.000 Kanye done did some shit. 1.00

00:38:31.000 Kanye's still poppin'. 1.00

00:38:32.000 They got some people that's just...

00:38:33.000 They took a big chunk out of his income.

00:38:36.000 Like, what has happened? 1.00

00:38:40.000 Kanye done said some shit and done some shit. 1.00

00:38:43.000 I mean, some shit that done pissed me off. 1.00

00:38:45.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:38:46.000 But he's not gonna go away.

00:38:48.000 He's too talented.

00:38:48.000 You know, he's...

00:38:51.000 I don't think he's a bad person.

00:38:53.000 I think Kanye, the mistakes that he's made, I think he'll be pretty honest about it. 1.00

00:38:58.000 He's mentally ill. 0.99

00:38:58.000 And that mental illness allows him to have insane productivity with music. 0.99

00:39:03.000 You can call it illness, or you could instead say he's got this gift. 0.99

00:39:08.000 And this gift sometimes fucking shoots off live rounds in all sorts of different directions. 0.99

00:39:12.000 But what it can do is produce some of the best fucking music ever. 0.99

00:39:16.000 Fucking amazing jams where you listen to them and you forget sometimes. 0.99

00:39:22.000 Someone will play one. 1.00

00:39:22.000 You go, oh shit, I forgot about this one. 1.00

00:39:25.000 Kanye had some bangers. 1.00

00:39:27.000 Like that mind that creates those bangers also says crazy shit about Hitler. 0.99

00:39:33.000 Hey, what are you doing? 1.00

00:39:35.000 Why would you say that?

00:39:36.000 And I think also, when he gets embattled, the problem is he wants to fight back. 0.98

00:39:43.000 I think part of the reason why he became a big Trump fan is because Obama called him a jackass. 0.97

00:39:49.000 I really believe that. 0.98

00:39:50.000 I didn't know that.

00:39:51.000 Yes, I really believe that. 0.99

00:39:53.000 Because you've got to imagine having the President of the United States refer to you as a jackass. 0.99

00:39:58.000 The first black president of the United States? 0.99

00:40:00.000 In my life, other than Kennedy, who's a better spokesman?

00:40:05.000 Who's a better statesman than Obama?

00:40:07.000 Who's like the most impressive of all presidents?

00:40:10.000 Well, you'd look to a guy and say, the way that guy thinks and talks, that's a leader.

00:40:15.000 That's a real president of the United States. 1.00

00:40:20.000 So I think that shit stuck in his head. 1.00

00:40:22.000 I hear petty. 1.00

00:40:23.000 Fuck yeah, he's petty. 1.00

00:40:25.000 I mean, you can tell he's petty. 1.00

00:40:27.000 You see the shit that he writes about Pete Davidson? 1.00

00:40:30.000 He's ruthless. 1.00

00:40:31.000 He's petty. 0.89

00:40:32.000 But that's also the same mind.

00:40:34.000 That's the same mind that makes him be insanely prolific.

00:40:37.000 That's the same mind that has this genius association to sound and music.

00:40:41.000 It's the same mind.

00:40:42.000 I'm just glad he done simmered down.

00:40:44.000 Yeah.

00:40:45.000 Well, he doesn't have a place to...

00:40:46.000 Well, I don't want to speak too soon.

00:40:48.000 He doesn't have a place to blow it off anymore, which I also think is not good. 0.99

00:40:51.000 I think it's probably better to just let him say ridiculous shit on Twitter and let people refute it. 0.98

00:40:58.000 I don't think it's a good move to eliminate a guy like that from being able to communicate. 0.99

00:41:05.000 I don't think that's the problem.

00:41:06.000 And I don't think he should be medicated either, which is even crazier, because when he was medicated, remember he was all slow and he got chubby.

00:41:13.000 You remember?

00:41:14.000 I didn't know that he was on medication at that time. 0.99

00:41:16.000 They put him on some heavy shit. 0.99

00:41:17.000 Well, you know what? 1.00

00:41:18.000 I can assume that people like him have to be medicated.

00:41:24.000 I just feel like billionaires sometimes.

00:41:26.000 They have nothing else to do.

00:41:28.000 But get medicated?

00:41:29.000 Yeah.

00:41:30.000 Because it's like you've done everything.

00:41:32.000 You've seen everything.

00:41:33.000 You've won all the awards. 1.00

00:41:34.000 You've married what the world considers the baddest bitch. 1.00

00:41:38.000 You have... 1.00

00:41:41.000 It's like, what else is there for you to fucking do? 0.98

00:41:44.000 Yeah, but that doesn't mean you have to get medicated. 0.99

00:41:46.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:41:47.000 But that's what I'm saying.

00:41:48.000 He probably got medicated because he had nothing else to do. 0.99

00:41:50.000 So he started doing shit that he probably wasn't supposed to do. 0.97

00:41:53.000 They're like, all right, let's come. 0.98

00:41:54.000 Here, pop this.

00:41:55.000 Well, I think, you know, people around him were concerned because he gets manic.

00:41:59.000 But that manic, crazy energy is also what comes out in his music.

00:42:05.000 I mean, talking to him is wild because when you're having a conversation with him, like when I did a podcast with him, it's like you can see in some people.

00:42:14.000 Where their mind is like a runaway train It's like a runaway train and ideas are coming in way faster than they're coming into my mind They're coming in and going and he'll go from one idea the next idea and people say yeah, he's rambling, but I'm like But is he?

00:42:31.000 Or is he just sort of like he's being infused with way more ideas than we are?

00:42:37.000 Like Elon's the same way.

00:42:39.000 When you're talking to Elon, when I was talking to him, I was like, what is going on behind those eyes?

00:42:43.000 How many different thought processes do you have running simultaneously?

00:42:48.000 That guy never wants to stop.

00:42:49.000 He's always got new ideas and thinking.

00:42:52.000 He's always innovating and creating.

00:42:55.000 It's a different kind of way of thinking.

00:42:57.000 And I don't think you get it, and I don't think I get it.

00:42:59.000 I damn sure don't get it.

00:43:00.000 I don't get it. 1.00

00:43:01.000 I just rather Kanye keep all his shit in his music. 1.00

00:43:05.000 He gotta stop saying some wild ass shit. 1.00

00:43:06.000 But he says, sometimes he says wild shit that's really interesting. 1.00

00:43:09.000 Like on my podcast he goes, how much is the earth? 0.99

00:43:12.000 Like if I wanted to buy the earth, how much does the earth cost?

00:43:14.000 If all land costs money. 0.99

00:43:16.000 That's good money shit. 0.99

00:43:16.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:43:17.000 He's like, if land costs money, could someone have enough money that could buy the whole earth? 1.00

00:43:20.000 I was like, oh shit. 1.00

00:43:22.000 Like that sounds ridiculous, but if someone like Jeff Bezos has like 200 billion dollars, like that's so much fucking money. 1.00

00:43:31.000 Like what's to stop someone from having 200 trillion and how much is the earth? 0.98

00:43:35.000 How much is the whole earth?

00:43:36.000 What is it?

00:43:38.000 What if the whole earth is only $100 trillion?

00:43:41.000 You can own it all.

00:43:42.000 Everybody has to pay your rent. 1.00

00:43:43.000 Also, if the earth for sale, who's selling it, motherfucker? 0.99

00:43:46.000 Who's buying it? 0.99

00:43:48.000 Someone would have to make every single person an impossible offer.

00:43:54.000 They'd have to make every single person an offer that you could not refuse.

00:43:57.000 That's so much money that every single person on the planet has to say yes.

00:44:00.000 I would think that that'll be a good investment, owning the earth.

00:44:04.000 Yeah, I think the only way someone's going to own the earth is stealing it.

00:44:07.000 They're just going to force eminent domain, force people out of air. 0.95

00:44:10.000 That's how people own the earth.

00:44:11.000 I don't think they're ever going to own the earth by buying it.

00:44:13.000 But Kanye having that idea, like, how much does the earth cost? 0.98

00:44:17.000 I'm like, how the fuck? 0.98

00:44:17.000 I've never thought of that. 0.98

00:44:19.000 I hope he keep his wild ass ideas and thoughts there. 0.94

00:44:22.000 It's not talking about human beings. 0.99

00:44:25.000 Sometimes dudes like that need somebody to bounce shit off of too. 0.98

00:44:28.000 They need a more reasonable crazy person that's with them that can go, slow down, brother. 0.99

00:44:33.000 I hear you, but slow down.

00:44:35.000 With Elon Musk, I know people have their thoughts about him, but I had a very great personal conversation with him.

00:44:43.000 And I think people forget that these people that have all this money and these people that are so smart, these people that are on TV, they're human beings and they have real lives.

00:44:52.000 And me and Elon talked about his family and his children.

00:44:57.000 And that's when I was like, okay, this is a real person.

00:44:59.000 This guy has a heart.

00:45:00.000 I think he's actually a good guy.

00:45:02.000 If you sit down and you have an actual conversation with him, just like off the record.

00:45:05.000 I love him.

00:45:06.000 I love talking to him.

00:45:07.000 He's a wonderful person.

00:45:09.000 He's just super genius.

00:45:11.000 Just a ridiculously smart person.

00:45:12.000 But he's a human being like we all are. 0.50

00:45:14.000 We're all human beings. 0.96

00:45:16.000 And you can forget that when you see some dude who's making rockets and making electric cars and satellites and fucking trying to fix traffic. 0.90

00:45:24.000 You forget that's just a human being. 0.85

00:45:26.000 I also thought he was going to leave everybody at SNL or Tesla.

00:45:30.000 Because the host, they leave us gifts, slippers, shoes, hoodies.

00:45:34.000 Oh, that's hilarious.

00:45:35.000 Sometimes we'll come to work after that Saturday.

00:45:38.000 We have a whole bunch of catered food.

00:45:39.000 Oh, this food from Jack, hello.

00:45:41.000 This food from such and such.

00:45:43.000 So I was like, you know what?

00:45:44.000 What if Elon leaves his hotel?

00:45:47.000 That was wrong.

00:45:48.000 That's so many Teslas.

00:45:50.000 How many Teslas would that be?

00:45:51.000 For how many people?

00:45:52.000 I think it would have been at the time when he came, I think it would have been 22 Teslas.

00:45:56.000 Jesus Christ!

00:45:59.000 They probably have a back order on those things anyway.

00:46:01.000 Cars are, I don't know if they've sorted that out yet with new cars, but with new cars there was a backlog on new cars because of chips. 0.92

00:46:08.000 There's like a problem getting the chips, the computer chips, which are in every fucking car now.

00:46:14.000 Ah, is the computer chips the, like the, um, so you can know where the car is? 0.93

00:46:20.000 No, so the computer works with the emission system and everything is computerized now.

00:46:24.000 Oh, okay.

00:46:26.000 And then also there's an operating system that runs like Apple CarPlay, Android CarPlay. 0.96

00:46:30.000 I don't know shit about cars. 0.86

00:46:32.000 Yeah, well, I'm a car nut. 0.98

00:46:34.000 Oh, cool.

00:46:35.000 But the new ones are confusing to me. 0.91

00:46:37.000 I get that all that stuff is important, but it's confusing that we don't even make a lot of that shit over here.

00:46:45.000 A lot of the chips, they're making them overseas. 0.94

00:46:47.000 Oh! 0.60

00:46:48.000 Yeah, so I think Elon's working on making chips here, and Samsung is working on making chips here, but I think a lot of that was exposed during the pandemic, that a lot of chips are being made overseas, and they need them for cars.

00:47:00.000 So there's a big delay for a lot of different manufacturers.

00:47:03.000 So probably a lot of them are looking at, trying to figure out a way, but... 0.97

00:47:07.000 I had Sagar and Crystal from Breaking Points on the other day, and Sagar was explaining it in depth, and he was saying that that shit takes like 10 years. 0.78

00:47:16.000 Like when you want to start a factory and start building computer chips in America, that's like 10 years from now you can. 0.99

00:47:23.000 Goddamn! 1.00

00:47:24.000 That shit takes forever. 1.00

00:47:25.000 Yeah, that's why I say technology confuses me, politics confuses me. 1.00

00:47:30.000 Those are two things I like to just...

00:47:31.000 They're good.

00:47:32.000 Like when I go buy a car...

00:47:34.000 It's so simple and fast with me.

00:47:36.000 I go in the lot.

00:47:37.000 I be like, I want that one.

00:47:38.000 They say, okay.

00:47:40.000 I be in and I be out.

00:47:42.000 They give me a price.

00:47:43.000 If I like it, I like it.

00:47:44.000 If I don't, I don't.

00:47:45.000 I be like, nah.

00:47:46.000 Well, we can't go down no more.

00:47:47.000 I bet.

00:47:47.000 I'm going to go down the road then.

00:47:49.000 Wait, wait, [...

00:47:51.000 Well, what's up?

00:47:52.000 I say, this is what I want.

00:47:53.000 This is how much I want to pay for it. 0.99

00:47:54.000 And I don't want to get in that room and then you offer me all kind of other shit. 0.96

00:47:57.000 I want the tires included. 0.91

00:47:58.000 I want the oil included. 0.99

00:48:00.000 I want the fucking windshield included. 0.99

00:48:02.000 And when I get in that office, I want it to still be that price. 0.99

00:48:04.000 Do you remember that?

00:48:05.000 Did you see the movie Fargo?

00:48:07.000 You ever seen that movie?

00:48:08.000 Is that Ben Affleck?

00:48:10.000 No, Fargo is Steve Buscemi and it's a Coen Brothers movie.

00:48:18.000 Frances McDormand.

00:48:21.000 I don't know why I'm seeing Ben Affleck in a suit.

00:48:24.000 I don't know.

00:48:24.000 But there's a hilarious scene where, what is the gentleman's name, the redheaded guy?

00:48:27.000 William H. Macy.

00:48:29.000 William H. Macy, who's hilarious.

00:48:31.000 In this movie, he's trying to sell the undercarriage treatment.

00:48:35.000 Like, he's trying to sell it to these people, like, as an upgrade to the car, and they're like, we don't want that.

00:48:40.000 And then he's like, well, I already added it on. 0.93

00:48:43.000 And then there's like this big, like, why the fuck did you add it on? 0.50

00:48:45.000 I didn't export it. 0.95

00:48:47.000 I'm not paying for that.

00:48:48.000 It's really funny, man.

00:48:50.000 Oh, I gotta see it then.

00:48:51.000 Because there's so many of those salesmen that do that.

00:48:53.000 They're like, dude, please stop.

00:48:55.000 Stop with this upselling.

00:48:57.000 I like warranties.

00:48:59.000 I'll take warranty.

00:49:00.000 Because I like the least cause.

00:49:01.000 Because every three years, I want another one.

00:49:03.000 I'll lease it.

00:49:04.000 I ain't got to own it. 1.00

00:49:05.000 Fuck it. 1.00

00:49:05.000 That's smart. 1.00

00:49:05.000 I don't give a shit. 1.00

00:49:06.000 I want a new one. 0.99

00:49:07.000 What are you driving?

00:49:07.000 I'm in a Jeep Wrangler right now.

00:49:09.000 Oh, those are great. 1.00

00:49:10.000 Oh, I love that motherfucker. 1.00

00:49:12.000 Look how many Jeeps there are on the road. 1.00

00:49:14.000 I mean, think about how long Jeep's been around for.

00:49:16.000 They nailed that shape so good, they don't even change it.

00:49:19.000 Man, the tires are this big.

00:49:21.000 I'm riding up high.

00:49:23.000 I'm going over the neutral ground.

00:49:26.000 That's a real four-wheel drive vehicle you can drive anywhere.

00:49:29.000 Like, you could go somewhere in a Jeep.

00:49:31.000 You could go off-road.

00:49:33.000 You're in the woods.

00:49:34.000 On-road.

00:49:35.000 Sand.

00:49:36.000 They nailed that shape.

00:49:38.000 I mean, when they first started making Jeeps, like, what year was that?

00:49:42.000 It looks the same as the 80s.

00:49:44.000 Yeah! 0.94

00:49:45.000 It looks fucking great though. 0.93

00:49:47.000 It's a great shape. 0.98

00:49:48.000 Oh yeah, I love it.

00:49:49.000 I got a wheelie.

00:49:50.000 They're so reliable too. 0.99

00:49:51.000 I mean, because it's a durable off-road vehicle, there's a lot of shit you don't have to worry about if you get a Jeep. 0.96

00:49:58.000 You have to worry about with cars. 0.97

00:49:59.000 You can run over something. 1.00

00:50:00.000 You can run over stupid shit that's in the road or bounce over a little divot in the ground. 1.00

00:50:05.000 It's not as big a deal. 1.00

00:50:07.000 That's why I'm like, I want all the warranties included in the note.

00:50:11.000 If I lived in the East Coast, for sure I'd have a Jeep.

00:50:14.000 Oh, 100%.

00:50:15.000 Because it's the snow and the potholes.

00:50:18.000 The potholes are a big one.

00:50:19.000 You need some sort of a rugged four-wheel drive vehicle if you want to get through a winter there.

00:50:23.000 I don't slow down on the potholes either.

00:50:25.000 That Jeep be manhandling the potholes.

00:50:28.000 It absorbs them.

00:50:29.000 You know what I like too?

00:50:30.000 That new Bronco.

00:50:31.000 Ford figured out a new Bronco.

00:50:33.000 You know, I'm a Bronco fan, but I'm not a fan of the body of the new ones.

00:50:39.000 How dare you?

00:50:40.000 Let me pull it.

00:50:41.000 Can you pull it up?

00:50:42.000 Let me look at it.

00:50:42.000 Do you remember my 72 Bronco?

00:50:45.000 No, that's the type.

00:50:46.000 That's the Bronco.

00:50:47.000 Yeah.

00:50:48.000 That one I used to bring to the store all the time.

00:50:50.000 Too many choices for this new one.

00:50:51.000 Too many choices.

00:50:52.000 That's an old one, brother.

00:50:53.000 The one you have your cursor over.

00:50:55.000 I just typed in Ford Bronco.

00:50:56.000 Oh, I know.

00:50:56.000 I said.

00:50:57.000 I drove one and it sucked, but it wasn't the good one.

00:51:00.000 I know there's better versions of it. 0.88

00:51:02.000 It sucked, really? 0.90

00:51:03.000 It was a baseline rental car version. 0.98

00:51:04.000 Oh, not good?

00:51:05.000 No.

00:51:05.000 Well, go back to that link that you were just looking at and click on that one that says the Raptor.

00:51:11.000 There's a Bronco Raptor right below that.

00:51:14.000 The black one, sorry, all black. 1.00

00:51:15.000 To the left of that. 0.91

00:51:16.000 You were almost there.

00:51:17.000 To the left of that.

00:51:18.000 Yeah, that one.

00:51:19.000 That's a Bronco Raptor.

00:51:20.000 Okay, alright.

00:51:21.000 So that's a regular Bronco with like a beefier setup and a heavy-duty engine.

00:51:27.000 Okay.

00:51:28.000 I think that has like, what does that have for horsepower?

00:51:31.000 Something crazy.

00:51:33.000 But Jeep has one like that, too.

00:51:34.000 Jeep has like a...

00:51:35.000 Now see, I like that.

00:51:36.000 I ain't gonna lie.

00:51:37.000 I do like that one.

00:51:38.000 What does it have for horsepower?

00:51:40.000 Does it say?

00:51:41.000 I'm sure it will.

00:51:44.000 I don't want to over-exaggerate, but I think it's in the neighborhood of 500 horsepower.

00:51:51.000 Zero to 60 in 5.2 seconds. 0.99

00:51:55.000 Damn! 1.00

00:51:55.000 Oh, interesting. 1.00

00:51:58.000 That's a lot.

00:51:59.000 That's plenty.

00:52:00.000 Oh, it only has 418?

00:52:03.000 So what is it about 500 to 600?

00:52:07.000 It doesn't put up with SUVs that have horsepower in the 500. Oh, it doesn't put it up with SUVs.

00:52:12.000 Oh, okay. 0.99

00:52:13.000 Well, there's a bunch of people that do shit to those things, too. 0.98

00:52:17.000 But that's real similar to the V8, the big V8 that's in the Wrangler, too. 0.99

00:52:23.000 Mm-hmm.

00:52:24.000 But the point is, like, those cars, that's a similar sort of thing.

00:52:27.000 The only thing is, like, the Jeep, you can't recklessly drive the Jeep. 1.00

00:52:32.000 It'll flip on your ass. 0.99

00:52:33.000 You can't just be sitting up there spinning the curb and busting the whip. 1.00

00:52:37.000 Nah.

00:52:37.000 It's not good for handling.

00:52:38.000 No, no, no.

00:52:39.000 Yeah, drive normal, you freak.

00:52:40.000 Yeah, drive normal in your Jeep, because it reminds me of the Xterra, just like...

00:52:45.000 Yeah, they're top-heavy. 0.55

00:52:47.000 Imagine a sprinter van trying to do laps in a sprinter van, those ridiculous things. 0.96

00:52:51.000 Oh my god. 1.00

00:52:52.000 Well, you'll kill yourself. 1.00

00:52:55.000 Yeah, those aren't good. 1.00

00:52:56.000 Well, you can't.

00:52:57.000 Who has a podcast set up in a sprinter van?

00:52:59.000 Doesn't someone have one?

00:53:00.000 Steve-O. Steve-O, yeah.

00:53:02.000 Really?

00:53:02.000 Steve-O has a sprinter van that's set up as a podcast studio.

00:53:07.000 Oh, that's dope. 0.94

00:53:07.000 He travels around with it and just films his podcast in the back of it. 0.94

00:53:11.000 Okay, I might have to check that out.

00:53:13.000 Yeah, it's a great idea.

00:53:14.000 Yeah.

00:53:15.000 I had a friend, Ron Taylor.

00:53:16.000 Well, he's still my friend.

00:53:17.000 I didn't had.

00:53:18.000 He's my friend.

00:53:19.000 He used to do, like, cooking tutorials in his van.

00:53:25.000 He would have, like, a little, what do you call it?

00:53:29.000 A little kitchenette? 1.00

00:53:30.000 Yeah, like a little hot pot or whatever you call that shit. 1.00

00:53:34.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:53:35.000 Yeah, like a little hot plate situation that you use for a dorm room and here I invite guests and we'll cook and we'll talk.

00:53:42.000 And you cook in the back of the van together and you talk about what you're cooking.

00:53:46.000 Then we both go sit in the driver's seat and passenger seat and we finish the podcast.

00:53:50.000 Nice.

00:53:52.000 I'm like, Ron, this needs to be a television show.

00:53:54.000 That's a good idea.

00:53:55.000 I'm still trying to figure out why it ain't on TV right now.

00:53:58.000 I'm like, Ron, what are you doing?

00:53:59.000 Well, there's something cool about getting by with a limited resource.

00:54:04.000 Yeah.

00:54:04.000 A little hot pot.

00:54:05.000 Yeah.

00:54:05.000 Everyone working together.

00:54:06.000 But he cooking gourmet meals.

00:54:08.000 Really? 1.00

00:54:08.000 This motherfucker up in there making lobster. 1.00

00:54:11.000 Really? 1.00

00:54:12.000 Pasta.

00:54:13.000 I remember he made a big thing of meat sauce, spaghetti, broccoli.

00:54:18.000 He not making noodles and cheese. 1.00

00:54:21.000 This motherfucker cooking. 1.00

00:54:23.000 I'm like, let's go. 1.00

00:54:26.000 Well, and then Burt has that show Something's Burning, which is a hilarious show.

00:54:30.000 I think I saw an episode of Burt.

00:54:31.000 You gotta be on that.

00:54:32.000 Yeah, I'm gonna have to hit Burt up.

00:54:34.000 How about you and me together?

00:54:34.000 Because I'm supposed to do it.

00:54:35.000 Alright, let's do it.

00:54:36.000 Hit Burt up.

00:54:36.000 You and me together on Something's Burning.

00:54:39.000 So I'm guessing Burt be fucking everything up, huh? 0.71

00:54:42.000 No, he's good. 0.88

00:54:44.000 He loves food.

00:54:45.000 He knows how to cook a little bit.

00:54:46.000 Yeah, I just saw Burt, man. 0.72

00:54:47.000 That man, he is out there killing it.

00:54:50.000 Yeah, I love Burt.

00:54:51.000 Shirt off.

00:54:52.000 I love that he's blowing up and he's 100% himself.

00:54:57.000 That's who authentically Burt Kreischer is.

00:54:59.000 I love it.

00:55:00.000 He gets his wife on the line for the shows.

00:55:03.000 Yeah.

00:55:03.000 And that's good.

00:55:04.000 I think his wife gonna be on the phone.

00:55:07.000 Look at that.

00:55:08.000 Look at that.

00:55:09.000 He's selling out arenas.

00:55:10.000 He's killing it.

00:55:11.000 Killing his beer. 0.95

00:55:13.000 I think my homeboy...

00:55:17.000 Steven Fury was opening up for him for a while, probably still doing it.

00:55:21.000 I called Burt up once.

00:55:23.000 He answered the phone.

00:55:24.000 He was on a motorcycle in Vietnam.

00:55:25.000 I go, what are you doing?

00:55:27.000 And he goes, I'm over here riding a motorcycle in Vietnam, filming my channel show. 1.00

00:55:31.000 And I go, dude, you need to quit that fucking show. 0.99

00:55:33.000 You need to quit that show and be a comic. 1.00

00:55:35.000 He goes, really?

00:55:36.000 I go, yeah.

00:55:36.000 I go, you're too funny.

00:55:38.000 You're too funny, man, to be on a travel channel show.

00:55:40.000 I mean, it's a great gig, but I think you got everything out of it that you're ever going to get out of it.

00:55:45.000 And I think it's holding you back now.

00:55:46.000 You take months and months off of stand-up where you have to tour to travel and do this show.

00:55:51.000 It's a good show and it's a good gig, but you can do a lot better.

00:55:55.000 Like, you can do way better with stand-up and podcasts.

00:55:58.000 And he listened.

00:55:59.000 So this was back in the day.

00:56:02.000 Yeah, it was back in the day when he was on Bert the Conqueror and there was another show where Hurt Bert was terrible.

00:56:09.000 They were hurting him in every episode.

00:56:11.000 Every episode people would choke him unconscious, hit him with a bat. 0.97

00:56:13.000 It was so ridiculous. 0.91

00:56:15.000 It was different stunts and things that he would do. 0.92

00:56:18.000 He did that for a little while.

00:56:19.000 That's a dangerous path. 0.99

00:56:21.000 The jackass path. 1.00

00:56:23.000 Those guys are all beat up. 1.00

00:56:26.000 Physically, you get fucking hurt bad doing that. 0.99

00:56:28.000 You get hurt bad. 0.99

00:56:29.000 Animal show's dangerous. 1.00

00:56:31.000 Fuck that! 1.00

00:56:32.000 I had Steve-O on and he showed a video once of him on a tree and lions climbed up the tree and were fucking with him. 1.00

00:56:39.000 And they took his hat. 0.98

00:56:40.000 They knocked his hat off.

00:56:42.000 And I was like, oh my god, those are real lions, dude.

00:56:44.000 This is in Africa.

00:56:45.000 Real lions. 1.00

00:56:46.000 Not tame lions at some fucking circus. 1.00

00:56:51.000 I ain't never going up. 1.00

00:56:52.000 Never.

00:56:53.000 Ever.

00:56:54.000 I don't really like the zoo like talking about it.

00:56:56.000 I don't like the zoo.

00:56:58.000 I don't like the zoo.

00:56:59.000 The animals are wild.

00:57:00.000 They need to be free.

00:57:01.000 Exactly.

00:57:01.000 And everybody can all surprise when things happen.

00:57:03.000 They're fucking animals. 1.00

00:57:04.000 It's very confusing, right? 1.00

00:57:06.000 Because you're like, well, where do we put them?

00:57:08.000 And that's a good point.

00:57:09.000 And how do you make sure that they keep off the endangered species list?

00:57:13.000 That's a good point, too.

00:57:15.000 But that is hell.

00:57:16.000 Especially for the primates.

00:57:18.000 I was in Denver once.

00:57:19.000 I'll never forget this.

00:57:21.000 I was walking with my family.

00:57:22.000 Because when my kids were real little, I loved to take them to the zoo.

00:57:26.000 Because they're so fascinated.

00:57:28.000 I mean, it's horrible that you're supporting this thing.

00:57:31.000 But selfishly, I was like, look, it exists.

00:57:34.000 It exists already.

00:57:36.000 There's nothing I can do about it.

00:57:37.000 And I'm not going to stop them from...

00:57:39.000 If I stand up and say, I'm not going to pay, it's still going to be there.

00:57:44.000 And I want my kids to see these animals.

00:57:45.000 It's a weird experience.

00:57:47.000 And this primate, I don't know what kind of monkey it was, but it was in its cage, and it was screaming like a crazy person in prison, like, NOOOOO! That's what it felt like.

00:57:59.000 And I told my wife, I was like, I go, this is depressing.

00:58:03.000 I'm like, I gotta get away from this.

00:58:05.000 I'm like, this is really bumming me out.

00:58:08.000 We gotta free these animals. 0.62

00:58:09.000 I honestly want, like, the way I envision my life, right?

00:58:15.000 Like, I want, if it was up to me, I would have a ranch in a town, a country town, where the next grocery store is 20-30 minutes out.

00:58:25.000 Like, I just want to live away.

00:58:27.000 This is your spot then, Punky.

00:58:28.000 Right.

00:58:28.000 That's what I'm saying.

00:58:29.000 You need to come to Texas.

00:58:30.000 I just want to live away, Joe.

00:58:31.000 That's how people live out here.

00:58:32.000 I want a ranch-style home.

00:58:35.000 Let's go.

00:58:35.000 Let's go, Punky.

00:58:36.000 I want about an acre of land, not too much.

00:58:38.000 I'm going to teach you how to bow hunt.

00:58:40.000 Oh, I need to go hunting with you.

00:58:42.000 Let's go.

00:58:42.000 I wrote a sketch about hunting with Joe Rogan, okay?

00:58:46.000 Something happened that I had to shelf it that week, but it was a Thanksgiving sketch about hunting with Joe Rogan.

00:58:54.000 And it was you just like killing all of these exotic animals.

00:58:58.000 And we would just see these people in the woods who were kind of just like touring, not killing.

00:59:04.000 Oh, Jesus Christ.

00:59:06.000 You was just a wild man.

00:59:08.000 It was crazy.

00:59:09.000 I wanted to get you down to like, but whatever, whatever.

00:59:12.000 I'll bring that sketch back.

00:59:13.000 And we had to shelf it that week.

00:59:14.000 Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

00:59:16.000 Sketches are fun, but it'd be more fun to actually take you hunting for real.

00:59:19.000 I gotta do it.

00:59:20.000 Have you ever shot a gun before?

00:59:21.000 Oh, my parents are NOP. Well, they retired.

00:59:24.000 Yeah?

00:59:25.000 Yes, yes.

00:59:25.000 My mother worked for the Levy District Police, and my father was actual NOPD. For a long time, he retired, and now he runs the security for the hospital because my mama made him go back to work.

00:59:41.000 But, yeah, I was raised around...

00:59:46.000 I remember I bought my first gun.

00:59:48.000 And I was so excited.

00:59:50.000 I called my dad.

00:59:51.000 I was like, I bought my first gun.

00:59:52.000 He was like, yeah, what you got?

00:59:53.000 Was that in LA? No, no, no.

00:59:54.000 This was in New Orleans.

00:59:56.000 I was like, I bought my first gun.

00:59:58.000 He was like, for real?

00:59:59.000 He was like, what you got?

01:00:00.000 I said, I got a nine.

01:00:00.000 He was like...

01:00:02.000 Fucking bitch-ass gun. 1.00

01:00:04.000 Wow. 1.00

01:00:05.000 That's hardcore.

01:00:06.000 He was like a nine.

01:00:06.000 What did he want you to get?

01:00:07.000 A 45?

01:00:08.000 40, 45. Jesus.

01:00:10.000 Something just...

01:00:11.000 I was thinking lighter.

01:00:12.000 He was like, nah.

01:00:14.000 He was like, the heavier it is, the better it is.

01:00:16.000 He's like, 45...

01:00:20.000 Yeah.

01:00:21.000 But you know, it's like, he always made sure we were responsible. 1.00

01:00:23.000 Like, don't be out here stupid with this gun. 1.00

01:00:25.000 Keep it locked up. 1.00

01:00:26.000 Keep it safe.

01:00:26.000 Go to the range.

01:00:27.000 Understand your weapon.

01:00:28.000 Yeah.

01:00:29.000 Don't be out here wilding out.

01:00:30.000 Don't use it to stunt.

01:00:31.000 Don't use it, you know, for no validation in the hood.

01:00:34.000 We don't have guns for all of that in my family.

01:00:37.000 It's for the house. 0.99

01:00:38.000 I saw the most fucked up video. 1.00

01:00:39.000 What? 1.00

01:00:40.000 There's so many fucked up videos of people getting shot on Instagram now. 0.99

01:00:43.000 But I saw this one where these people were playing in a car and this girl pulls out her gun and accidentally shoots her friend in the head. 0.99

01:00:51.000 I hate that.

01:00:52.000 And he just like slumps over and dies like right on the street.

01:00:55.000 She was just... 0.88

01:00:56.000 Pulling out a gun to show it.

01:00:57.000 And they were all casual and laughing.

01:01:00.000 And bang! 0.70

01:01:01.000 The gun goes off.

01:01:02.000 It's careless.

01:01:03.000 She don't know what she's doing.

01:01:04.000 It's just careless.

01:01:05.000 And you're going to jail.

01:01:06.000 Even though it was an accident, you're going to jail.

01:01:09.000 And he's dead.

01:01:10.000 And a man's dead.

01:01:10.000 Yeah.

01:01:12.000 It wasn't intentional, but you killed somebody.

01:01:14.000 It was horrible.

01:01:15.000 My thing is, if you're gonna have a weapon, be responsible with it.

01:01:19.000 Learn how to use it.

01:01:19.000 Learn how to take it apart.

01:01:20.000 Clean it. 0.98

01:01:21.000 Put your bullets in there.

01:01:22.000 Just learn about your weapon. 0.96

01:01:24.000 I was just thinking how ridiculous it was that Clint Eastwood had a movie where the star of the movie was that he had the biggest gun.

01:01:31.000 He had a.44 Magnum.

01:01:32.000 Remember?

01:01:33.000 Did you ever watch Dirty Harry?

01:01:35.000 No.

01:01:36.000 That was the whole premise of the movie.

01:01:37.000 Everybody else had a.38.

01:01:39.000 He's got a.44.

01:01:41.000 He might think, did I shoot all those bullets or did I not?

01:01:44.000 Do you feel lucky, punk?

01:01:46.000 I might have to write that one now.

01:01:48.000 I gotta watch that one. 0.99

01:01:49.000 It's a corny ass movie. 0.97

01:01:50.000 And it's a movie that, if you watch it now, it's so dated. 0.97

01:01:54.000 So go to the scene where Clint Eastwood says, do you feel lucky?

01:01:58.000 From Dirty Harry.

01:01:59.000 Where the guy is like, the guy's like a cartoonish bad guy.

01:02:03.000 Like the most evil cartoonish bad guy.

01:02:05.000 And Clint Eastwood gives him this, do you feel lucky?

01:02:08.000 Well, do you, punk? 1.00

01:02:09.000 And then he fucking, of course he shoots him. 1.00

01:02:15.000 This is a classic scene. 1.00

01:02:23.000 I know what you're thinking.

01:02:26.000 Did he fire six shots or only five?

01:02:29.000 Well, to tell you the truth in all this excitement, I've kind of lost track myself. 0.97

01:02:34.000 But Ian, this is a.44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off. 0.67

01:02:39.000 You've got to ask yourself one question.

01:02:42.000 Do I feel lucky?

01:02:44.000 Well, do you, punk? 1.00

01:03:10.000 What the fuck? 1.00

01:03:14.000 He wanted to know whether or not he had the bullets? 1.00

01:03:23.000 See, I remember this entirely wrong.

01:03:27.000 That's hilarious.

01:03:28.000 I thought it was a Mexican dude.

01:03:30.000 I remember this entirely wrong. 0.77

01:03:32.000 In my mind, it was a Mexican dude and he shot him. 1.00

01:03:34.000 I'm just laughing and I gots to know.

01:03:37.000 I gots to know.

01:03:37.000 So crazy.

01:03:39.000 So crazy.

01:03:42.000 That dude probably spoke like Sidney Poitier and they gave him that role.

01:03:47.000 That was hilarious. 0.99

01:03:52.000 I wouldn't have wanted to know shit. 0.99

01:03:56.000 Those movies back then were so corny. 0.99

01:03:59.000 Oh, that's the other one.

01:04:01.000 That's the other one.

01:04:02.000 This is the one.

01:04:05.000 He's got multiple ones.

01:04:07.000 Do you feel lucky punk part two?

01:04:09.000 Go back to the beginning because I gotta hear him say it.

01:04:11.000 I don't think he said it yet here.

01:04:12.000 Oh, yeah, he said it.

01:04:13.000 No?

01:04:14.000 No, no.

01:04:14.000 Oh, okay.

01:04:15.000 Doesn't seem like there's much going on here.

01:04:16.000 Oh, he's holding the guy.

01:04:17.000 There it is.

01:04:19.000 See, he sits the same line.

01:04:22.000 Yes. 1.00

01:04:26.000 What the fuck is this? 1.00

01:04:53.000 Oh, he feels lucky. 1.00

01:05:07.000 That was the one I kind of remember.

01:05:10.000 Does it happen?

01:05:11.000 I remember that wrong.

01:05:12.000 It's so funny.

01:05:14.000 I haven't seen that movie in probably 20 years.

01:05:16.000 That was in the same movie.

01:05:17.000 More than 20 years.

01:05:19.000 That was in the same movie?

01:05:20.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:05:21.000 No fucking way. 1.00

01:05:22.000 He said it twice? 1.00

01:05:23.000 Both?

01:05:24.000 Unless they made Dirty Harry more than once.

01:05:28.000 Why wouldn't they?

01:05:29.000 They need to do it now when he's a thousand years old.

01:05:32.000 Do you feel lucky?

01:05:34.000 How do you, punk?

01:05:36.000 Meanwhile, that dude also did The Unforgiven, which is like the greatest western of all time. 0.97

01:05:41.000 Like, he did a lot of corny-ass movies, but he also did some fucking amazing movies, man. 0.91

01:05:47.000 I gotta take some time and watch some old movies. 0.98

01:05:49.000 I just have to.

01:05:51.000 See, I just have this crazy obsession with two things that I watch over and over again.

01:05:56.000 What's that?

01:05:56.000 Freaking Grey's Anatomy and Walking Dead.

01:05:59.000 Like, that's it.

01:06:00.000 I'll watch all of that and then I'll go back to Walking Dead.

01:06:03.000 I have got to stop.

01:06:05.000 It's a problem.

01:06:06.000 I can't watch The Walking Dead more than once because I know what happens.

01:06:09.000 Yeah.

01:06:12.000 I start falling in love with characters.

01:06:14.000 Oh no.

01:06:15.000 So that's my problem.

01:06:17.000 And I just be missing them and gotta see them.

01:06:20.000 I know, I know, I know.

01:06:22.000 Do you know what I started?

01:06:23.000 The Last of Us, the new HBO one?

01:06:25.000 I'm gonna go ahead and say he says this in all of these movies.

01:06:27.000 Oh my god!

01:06:29.000 So there's five of them?

01:06:31.000 At least.

01:06:32.000 Oh my god.

01:06:33.000 From 71 to 88 he made those movies.

01:06:37.000 Wow.

01:06:38.000 That's insane.

01:06:39.000 The Enforcer.

01:06:40.000 Magnum Force.

01:06:43.000 Sudden impact.

01:06:45.000 Clint.

01:06:48.000 Bro, those movies are awesome.

01:06:49.000 But you know what's even more awesome?

01:06:50.000 You know what I've been watching on YouTube?

01:06:53.000 Dudes who review the latest Steven Seagal movies. 1.00

01:06:56.000 You know, look, Above the Law is the shit. 0.99

01:07:00.000 I still maintain to this day, Above the Law is a great fucking action movie. 0.99

01:07:05.000 Jim Carrey's in one of these. 0.99

01:07:06.000 Wow.

01:07:07.000 Oh, wow.

01:07:09.000 He lip synced to Guns N' Roses in a Clint Eastwood movie.

01:07:11.000 Love it.

01:07:12.000 So that was in the 70s or the 80s probably?

01:07:14.000 That was the 88 one.

01:07:15.000 Okay.

01:07:16.000 Love the law.

01:07:18.000 So the early Steven Seagal movies were legit.

01:07:22.000 They were great.

01:07:23.000 They were fun. 0.99

01:07:23.000 He looked like a bad motherfucker like I believed it I think it was like one of the most realistic Martial arts action films ever because he wasn't doing jump split kicks He was bashing people over the head with pool sticks and fucking breaking their arms and shit. 0.99

01:07:36.000 It was more realistic See, I can fuck with the martial arts. 1.00

01:07:40.000 I love it. 0.99

01:07:41.000 I want to get into some Wing Chun.

01:07:45.000 You do?

01:07:46.000 Yeah, because I love Ip Man.

01:07:48.000 Oh, okay.

01:07:49.000 I've been watching a lot of that.

01:07:51.000 You want to learn it?

01:07:52.000 I do, I do.

01:07:53.000 I find you in school.

01:07:54.000 So, I've been boxing going on for two years now.

01:07:58.000 I'm getting fast.

01:08:00.000 Boxing's better.

01:08:01.000 I'm getting good.

01:08:01.000 I'm getting fast.

01:08:02.000 But I like the smoothness of Wing Chun.

01:08:05.000 Right.

01:08:07.000 I do like to box.

01:08:09.000 Boxing, to me, a lot of people try to rush it, but it's all in your feet.

01:08:12.000 Everybody try to create power when the power's in your legs.

01:08:15.000 I had to learn all of that as well.

01:08:17.000 And boxing isn't as easy as it looks.

01:08:20.000 Boxing does not look easy.

01:08:22.000 Look, I would watch boxing and I'm like, I could do that.

01:08:24.000 Really?

01:08:25.000 I used to.

01:08:26.000 And then I get in there and I find out I'm goofy.

01:08:29.000 My feet don't do what my feet's supposed to do.

01:08:32.000 You know?

01:08:34.000 It's a rhythm.

01:08:37.000 I had to learn all of that.

01:08:39.000 I had to get my feet together before I swung a punch.

01:08:44.000 I think that's the importance, but I want to learn some Wing Chun.

01:08:47.000 Wing Chun, it's interesting for blocking and stuff and trapping arms.

01:08:52.000 And there's a few moves that some guys do in MMA fights where it is really technically Wing Chun because they like block things and trap things and land shots over the top.

01:09:01.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:09:02.000 But if you're learning boxing, that's like the best thing you can learn in terms of like realistic self-defense with your hands.

01:09:08.000 Like, yeah, boxing is probably the best thing to learn.

01:09:10.000 I wanted to fight when I was younger.

01:09:14.000 My mother never let me fight.

01:09:16.000 The reason why I'm boxing now is because she never let me.

01:09:19.000 I wanted to box.

01:09:19.000 I remember I was in the sixth grade and I had a friend named, I think his name was Carl.

01:09:24.000 And he was a fighter.

01:09:25.000 He was a fighter in the sixth grade.

01:09:29.000 And I was like, Ma, I want to fight.

01:09:32.000 She's like, no.

01:09:33.000 But I'm happy she said no, because I remember me and Tony Hinchcliffe was watching a fight.

01:09:38.000 I remember we was, it was like, I think it was right before COVID, actually.

01:09:42.000 And I forgot her name.

01:09:43.000 Joanna, I think?

01:09:44.000 Joanna Jacek?

01:09:45.000 Yeah.

01:09:46.000 The UFC fighter?

01:09:47.000 With the giant hole, the swollen head?

01:09:50.000 Yeah.

01:09:51.000 Man, when I saw that, I think I called my mom and I was like, you was right.

01:09:55.000 You was right as I was growing up to not let me fight.

01:09:57.000 That looked crucial.

01:09:59.000 Yeah, that one was pretty rare, though.

01:10:01.000 That usually does not happen.

01:10:03.000 That happened once in a boxing match.

01:10:05.000 Really?

01:10:05.000 Hasim Rahman.

01:10:07.000 Yeah.

01:10:08.000 I'm not sure who he fought.

01:10:10.000 He did that to somebody?

01:10:12.000 No, no, no.

01:10:13.000 His head.

01:10:13.000 Go to Hasim Rahman.

01:10:17.000 Hematoma.

01:10:17.000 Yeah, look at that.

01:10:20.000 Yeah.

01:10:21.000 What fight was that in?

01:10:22.000 Who was he fighting where that happened?

01:10:23.000 Holyfield.

01:10:24.000 That's right.

01:10:26.000 Really?

01:10:27.000 Yeah.

01:10:27.000 Something happened and sometimes it happens off a headbutt.

01:10:31.000 Like sometimes dudes accidentally collide heads and then your tissue rips and then the inside of your head fills up with blood.

01:10:39.000 No.

01:10:40.000 So it was a punch that did it.

01:10:42.000 Yeah, so it looks like it might have been like a little swollen already, and then he lands like a perfect punch.

01:10:48.000 If I remember this fight, it was like a crazy brawl.

01:10:51.000 Yeah, see like it looked like it was already a little swollen.

01:10:53.000 Like maybe they had collided heads or maybe another punch had done it.

01:10:57.000 But that's super, super rare.

01:10:59.000 I'm gonna go on and guess he lost this fight.

01:11:01.000 Yeah, he lost that fight.

01:11:02.000 Good fighter though.

01:11:04.000 But that thing on Ioana, that was crazy.

01:11:08.000 That was just like, it turned her into like a character.

01:11:11.000 Yeah, she looked up.

01:11:13.000 Immediately I thought, Elephant Man.

01:11:15.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:11:16.000 I was like, man.

01:11:18.000 I never even really went to...

01:11:19.000 There it is.

01:11:20.000 You see her head.

01:11:20.000 Man.

01:11:21.000 Crazy. 0.53

01:11:22.000 That's a totally different person, right? 0.99

01:11:24.000 Mm-hmm.

01:11:25.000 Looks like it.

01:11:25.000 But I'm pretty sure she's better.

01:11:26.000 I haven't seen her fight since then.

01:11:29.000 Did you see Madonna on stage last night?

01:11:32.000 I didn't.

01:11:33.000 I was on a plane last night while the Grammys were on.

01:11:36.000 People are complaining about plastic surgery.

01:11:38.000 They're saying she looked like she had plastic surgery. 1.00

01:11:40.000 That's why I asked.

01:11:41.000 I haven't seen it.

01:11:42.000 Have you seen her?

01:11:43.000 I did not see that.

01:11:44.000 You know what I did see, though, that's hilarious?

01:11:47.000 Someone is doing this scene where they play the devil and they're dancing around and they have fire behind them and all these devils.

01:11:56.000 And then when it ends, it says, Brought to you by Pfizer.

01:12:00.000 Stop it.

01:12:02.000 Why?

01:12:03.000 Because Pfizer was advertising the Grammys.

01:12:06.000 Why?

01:12:07.000 I don't think it's fake.

01:12:09.000 Is it?

01:12:10.000 I'll check, but that sounds like it's fake.

01:12:12.000 Here, let me send it to you.

01:12:14.000 It's too easy to make.

01:12:15.000 It's too easy to make.

01:12:16.000 You're right.

01:12:17.000 It is too easy to make.

01:12:18.000 I want to believe it's real.

01:12:19.000 Well, hold on.

01:12:21.000 New York Post reporting.

01:12:26.000 The Grammys featured Sam Smith's demonic performance and was sponsored by Pfizer.

01:12:30.000 It really is true.

01:12:32.000 Yo, that's random.

01:12:33.000 So this is, that is hilarious.

01:12:35.000 But this is Marjorie Taylor Greene.

01:12:37.000 So she could have got hoodwinked.

01:12:39.000 We've been hoodwinked before.

01:12:40.000 So look at this.

01:12:42.000 It's all the devil and...

01:12:46.000 Seems pretty legit.

01:12:47.000 It does.

01:12:48.000 I have to check the broadcast.

01:12:49.000 This is what Marjorie Taylor Greene says.

01:12:53.000 Scroll back.

01:12:54.000 I'm reading it.

01:12:54.000 The Grammys featured Sam Smith's demonic performance and was sponsored by Pfizer and the satanic church now has an abortion clinic in New Mexico that requires its patients to perform a satanic ritual before services.

01:13:06.000 American Christians need to get to work. 1.00

01:13:08.000 Oh Jesus Christ. 1.00

01:13:09.000 I feel like with this kind of shit, I feel like someone is playing 3D chess. 1.00

01:13:16.000 Like someone in the World Economic Forum, some fucking billionaire that's running the world is like, I know what I'm gonna do. 1.00

01:13:21.000 I'm gonna get these people fighting over gender and who should take a shit in what bathroom and the Satanists are running the pizza place. 1.00

01:13:29.000 I'm gonna get these people fighting over this while I institute some sort of a gigantic global social credit score system. 0.98

01:13:39.000 And control all the money. 0.95

01:13:44.000 That's just straight random and surprising as fuck to me. 0.99

01:13:47.000 That. 0.98

01:13:48.000 That?

01:13:48.000 Yes.

01:13:49.000 Well, brought to you by Pfizer is hilarious.

01:13:52.000 The fact that someone thought that was a good idea is hilarious.

01:13:56.000 Like, they had to know.

01:13:57.000 They had to know that that guy was going to pretend to be the devil.

01:13:59.000 They had to know that all the Christians like her are going to go, Lynn, the satanic abortion clinic is going to... 1.00

01:14:08.000 I love when, like, Sam Smith and, uh, what's the other guy, uh, the black dude, uh, shit, I hate when I have these, uh, brain fucks. 1.00

01:14:18.000 Lil Nas X. Oh, he had the, he had the uptown road. 0.99

01:14:22.000 Yeah, Lil Nas X. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 1.00

01:14:24.000 I love when they fuck with people, doing the devil shit, like, didn't he have, like, the devil's blood or some shit? 1.00

01:14:29.000 No, he was giving the devil a lap dance. 1.00

01:14:32.000 He gave the devil a lap dance.

01:14:34.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:14:35.000 I just love it.

01:14:36.000 But the shoes aren't really devil's blood.

01:14:38.000 But he really did give the devil a lap dance in his music video.

01:14:41.000 That's when they went crazy.

01:14:42.000 It pisses America off so bad. 1.00

01:14:45.000 It's like, don't you see he's doing this shit to, like, fuck with you? 1.00

01:14:48.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:14:50.000 It's hilarious.

01:14:50.000 They have guts, though.

01:14:51.000 I don't want to fight against America.

01:14:53.000 I just want to sit on my ranch with my three rocks.

01:14:57.000 Look at this.

01:14:57.000 Right-wingers meltdown over satanic Pfizer-sponsored Grammys.

01:15:02.000 Jesus Christ.

01:15:03.000 Of course they did.

01:15:04.000 But this is what I'm saying.

01:15:05.000 I almost feel like this is too on the nose.

01:15:07.000 I almost feel like we're all being played.

01:15:09.000 Like we're being played against each other while these people are just finding ways to control us and control all the money.

01:15:17.000 I feel like this is all fake.

01:15:19.000 I know it's real.

01:15:20.000 I know that was a real song. 1.00

01:15:22.000 I know that's a real commercial afterwards, but it just seems so stupid. 1.00

01:15:27.000 It seems so stupid. 1.00

01:15:28.000 It's almost like if AI is real already, if artificial intelligence is real already and it's manipulating us, that's how it manipulates us. 1.00

01:15:35.000 Just get us to fight over the dumbest shit. 1.00

01:15:38.000 Well, I was seeing that. 1.00

01:15:39.000 Didn't they create these people that look like real people that aren't real people?

01:15:43.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:15:44.000 Well, they're doing it with images already.

01:15:47.000 We brought up some of them the other day where there was a few errors in some of the images where you could see that arms were in the wrong place, the wrong kind of... 0.97

01:15:56.000 People's arms were detached from their body and shit. 0.64

01:15:59.000 But they'll fix that. 0.99

01:16:01.000 They'll fix all those things.

01:16:02.000 And then it'll be Vidigo.

01:16:04.000 It'll be a person that's indistinguishable from a real person.

01:16:07.000 It'll be on video talking to you, calling you up.

01:16:09.000 Hey, Punky.

01:16:11.000 We're going to do this and that and just love to see you again.

01:16:14.000 You'd be like, wow, this is weird.

01:16:16.000 I have these feelings like this is a real person.

01:16:17.000 This isn't even a real person. 0.99

01:16:19.000 Now, if I see one of them motherfuckers in person, that's a big problem. 1.00

01:16:23.000 They're probably going to be in person. 1.00

01:16:24.000 I know that.

01:16:27.000 It's a matter of time. 0.99

01:16:28.000 See, this is why I like to stay my ass inside and mind my business. 0.99

01:16:32.000 I have my little drink in my two-step. 1.00

01:16:34.000 I watch my little Grey's Anatomy on my Walking Dead, and I'll be with my bitch. 1.00

01:16:38.000 I ain't got time. 0.99

01:16:41.000 I go to work.

01:16:41.000 I go home.

01:16:43.000 I don't be outside.

01:16:44.000 I think we're the last.

01:16:46.000 We're the last of the real people, punky.

01:16:48.000 I just can't.

01:16:48.000 I think there's like one or two more generations of us, and then people are robots.

01:16:53.000 I just, I don't want to be around none of that shit. 0.99

01:16:56.000 I just want to stay inside. 0.99

01:16:57.000 Yeah, but you're gonna.

01:16:58.000 I'm happy.

01:16:59.000 You're gonna be around it.

01:17:00.000 I probably ain't gonna have no damn choice. 0.97

01:17:02.000 There's gonna be robots knocking on your door trying to sell you insurance, and you're gonna be going, I don't fucking believe this. 1.00

01:17:07.000 And if you don't buy it, they're going to pull a gun out, a weapon out on your ass? 1.00

01:17:11.000 No, you can insult the robot. 1.00

01:17:12.000 It doesn't hurt their feelings.

01:17:14.000 You think.

01:17:15.000 Until one day.

01:17:16.000 One day when the robots revolt.

01:17:18.000 Robots holding you down. 1.00

01:17:19.000 Remember that time you were talking shit? 1.00

01:17:20.000 I was trying to sell insurance. 1.00

01:17:21.000 You're like, oh no!

01:17:23.000 Had these mini RoboCops running around.

01:17:25.000 Yeah.

01:17:26.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:17:26.000 Like iRobot.

01:17:27.000 Remember when iRobot displayed emotions?

01:17:29.000 Yeah.

01:17:30.000 I think that might be the scary part.

01:17:32.000 That's the scary part.

01:17:33.000 Yeah, right?

01:17:34.000 If they start getting petty.

01:17:34.000 Imagine if robots get petty.

01:17:36.000 You know? 1.00

01:17:39.000 Shit, I might write that. 1.00

01:17:40.000 Yeah, why not? 1.00

01:17:42.000 Write that.

01:17:43.000 Petty robot.

01:17:43.000 That's the thing you have to do with SNL, right?

01:17:45.000 You have to constantly be coming up ideas for sketches, huh?

01:17:48.000 Yeah, a lot of people don't get how, I think, mentally frustrating.

01:17:53.000 Not frustrating, mentally exhausting.

01:17:55.000 Taxing.

01:17:55.000 Yeah, I get exhausted with SNL a lot.

01:17:59.000 Ask me to write a pilot, I'll write you a pilot.

01:18:03.000 I'll have fun with it.

01:18:04.000 But a sketch is a different world.

01:18:06.000 It's a different world.

01:18:07.000 It's a different ballgame.

01:18:09.000 It's not my world.

01:18:11.000 You know, SNL is a very hard job.

01:18:14.000 Very hard job.

01:18:14.000 It's not...

01:18:15.000 I mean, it's hard mentally.

01:18:17.000 It's hard physically.

01:18:19.000 It's hard...

01:18:22.000 Man, it's hard.

01:18:23.000 Now, let me tell you something.

01:18:25.000 The perks are great.

01:18:25.000 I have a whole bunch of fun.

01:18:27.000 I'm sure.

01:18:27.000 I have fun with those people in there.

01:18:29.000 I have fun creating relationships.

01:18:31.000 I have fun...

01:18:32.000 You're also a part of a group that includes Eddie Murphy, John Belushi, Gilda Radner, Dan Aykroyd.

01:18:40.000 Phil Hartman.

01:18:41.000 That feels good. 1.00

01:18:42.000 Holy shit. 1.00

01:18:43.000 I mean, that's a crazy legacy. 1.00

01:18:45.000 Chris Rock.

01:18:46.000 I walked through that building.

01:18:47.000 I walked through the building.

01:18:48.000 Norm MacDonald.

01:18:48.000 Like it's the palm trees every day.

01:18:50.000 Yeah.

01:18:51.000 That's wild. 1.00

01:18:52.000 Every day I'm like, what the fuck are you doing here, bitch? 1.00

01:18:55.000 Wild. 1.00

01:18:56.000 Still, in my third year.

01:18:57.000 How do you write?

01:18:58.000 Do you write in front of a computer?

01:18:59.000 Do you just sit around and write things down when they come to you?

01:19:03.000 What do you do?

01:19:04.000 Well, it's very fast, right?

01:19:07.000 The turnover over there is fast.

01:19:09.000 So it's like you do the show Saturday, Sunday.

01:19:12.000 You can rest your mind if you want to, but you got to have something cooking and boiling inside of your brain about Sunday night.

01:19:18.000 So then Monday we go, we pitch, we meet the hosts, and then we pitch ideas.

01:19:23.000 So what's a Sunday for you like?

01:19:25.000 Sleep.

01:19:26.000 Sleep.

01:19:27.000 Sleep.

01:19:27.000 No liquor.

01:19:28.000 I eat whatever I want and I sleep all day.

01:19:31.000 But do you, is that when you're like prepping?

01:19:33.000 Do you get ready for Monday?

01:19:35.000 Sometimes it depends.

01:19:36.000 If I have the strength, I'll call people and say, hey, you know what you got this week?

01:19:41.000 I got this idea.

01:19:41.000 Let's figure out how to flush it out tomorrow, which is a Monday, right?

01:19:46.000 So Mondays we go to work just to meet the host and kind of just settle in.

01:19:51.000 We meet, hello, how you doing?

01:19:53.000 Like if it was you, hey, Lauren, I say, Joe Rogan, everybody, we'll all go in his office.

01:19:57.000 His office is about this big, maybe a little smaller.

01:20:00.000 We all sit on the floor like preschoolers.

01:20:02.000 We've got our legs crossed.

01:20:04.000 And Lauren will say, we're going to start with you, Rosebud. 0.67

01:20:06.000 And Rosebud will pitch her idea to you. 0.99

01:20:08.000 How you doing, Joe?

01:20:09.000 She'll say something.

01:20:11.000 You are a man that has a vision of exotic coffee shops. 0.99

01:20:16.000 So you open up a coffee shop that's full of strippers and you call it tea search or some shit. 1.00

01:20:25.000 Like just something stupid. 1.00

01:20:26.000 It could be a real idea. 1.00

01:20:28.000 It could be something fake. 1.00

01:20:30.000 I always pitch something stupid. 0.99

01:20:32.000 Look, I remember we went to work on Black History Day, on Martin Luther King Day. 0.99

01:20:39.000 And my pitch was, hey, Aubrey, you are the captain of the Holiday Police Department, and you come and fine Lorne Michaels for having all the black people at work on Martin Luther King Day.

01:20:51.000 The office was busting out laughing.

01:20:53.000 Because I go in there and I say what everybody want to say. 0.99

01:20:57.000 Because I don't give a fuck. 0.99

01:20:58.000 You know what I'm saying? 0.99

01:20:59.000 I just be having fun.

01:21:00.000 And then after that, you leave the pitch and you go.

01:21:04.000 You can either stay and talk in groups and figure out what you're going to do for Tuesday or you leave.

01:21:10.000 I leave or I stay.

01:21:11.000 Blah, blah, blah.

01:21:12.000 And then Tuesday, you write all day.

01:21:14.000 We get to the office 2, 3 o'clock.

01:21:16.000 We don't leave till 2, 3 o'clock.

01:21:18.000 And then Wednesdays, you got to wake up at 8, go over your sketches with your writers, fix it.

01:21:24.000 Maybe you'll go back to sleep about 10.30, 11, sleep for 30 minutes, get back up, go to work until 11 p.m., 12 p.m.

01:21:32.000 If your sketch get picked, you know, because you got to produce it.

01:21:36.000 So also at this job, I'm learning how to produce, learning how to direct, learning how to make fast edits, because you got to pick your set, you got to pick the clothes that people are going to wear, you got to pick the outfits, you got to pick the wigs, you got to...

01:21:52.000 If you write the sketch and it get picked, you got to do it all.

01:21:55.000 Of course you have help, but you're learning the stuff.

01:21:59.000 Did you do any of that before you went to SNL? No.

01:22:02.000 No theater, no nothing?

01:22:04.000 I went to an acting school called the Actors Boot Camp, but that was that.

01:22:10.000 That's neither here nor there.

01:22:12.000 Yeah.

01:22:13.000 Well, I think acting class is probably in some ways a little bit like comedy class.

01:22:19.000 I think there's good ones.

01:22:21.000 In terms of acting class, there's legitimate, real good places where people learn.

01:22:25.000 They really do.

01:22:26.000 And then there's also acting lessons that are given by people that weren't really good actors.

01:22:30.000 They didn't really make it as an actor and they're teaching it.

01:22:33.000 I know a lot of people that'll teach you something because they've done it.

01:22:37.000 That's the problem with comedy, right?

01:22:39.000 Like the comedy classes, they're not being taught by Dave Chappelle.

01:22:43.000 They're being taught by someone who's probably not that good at comedy, which is why they're teaching classes.

01:22:49.000 Yeah, that's true.

01:22:50.000 There's a lot of that.

01:22:50.000 But it does get you on stage, though.

01:22:53.000 That's the benefit of it.

01:22:55.000 I, um, when I did get to SNL, a lot of people did go to school.

01:22:59.000 They did?

01:23:00.000 They went to acting school?

01:23:01.000 They went to, like, improv school, Second City, Groundlings, and all of that.

01:23:06.000 Because the moment I get to know people over there, I'm like, oh, y'all went to school.

01:23:10.000 Yeah.

01:23:11.000 Oh! 0.60

01:23:11.000 I came from a little place with black walls called the Comedy Store. 0.60

01:23:15.000 I don't know nothing about this.

01:23:16.000 It's a type of school, though.

01:23:18.000 You know?

01:23:19.000 It's a type of performance school, for sure.

01:23:21.000 That's what I'm saying.

01:23:22.000 And with that, that's me saying to myself, what are you doing?

01:23:28.000 Well, think about how young Eddie Murphy was when he was on SNL. And all his performance was stand-up.

01:23:34.000 But look how good he was.

01:23:35.000 Yeah.

01:23:36.000 Because he already knew how to perform.

01:23:38.000 The hardest thing is you're performing live for laughs in front of strangers all the time.

01:23:43.000 And in your case, you're getting up late.

01:23:45.000 You were getting up late.

01:23:46.000 Yeah.

01:23:46.000 And you were going on after a bunch of murderers.

01:23:48.000 Anthony Jeselnik and Sebastian and all these killers.

01:23:52.000 And so by the time you're on stage, that show's three hours old.

01:23:55.000 Yeah.

01:23:56.000 You know?

01:23:56.000 It was fun.

01:23:59.000 It's fun.

01:24:01.000 Like Don Barris, you know, he loved that late night spot.

01:24:04.000 Whoever is in there, he lights it up.

01:24:07.000 Like, yeah, I've been in here for three hours.

01:24:09.000 Then you meet this person, this crazy, psychotic human being who comes in the comedy store, who's a staple, okay? 0.99

01:24:17.000 And he's like, get up here and come spit in my mouth. 0.99

01:24:20.000 It's like, wait a minute!

01:24:22.000 And then he got the band coming up, and people, it's not a real band.

01:24:26.000 He pressed play on this thing, and everybody's beating on chairs, and they got fake pianos, and you are rocking.

01:24:37.000 Now, he's rocking the house at 2, 3 in the morning until they say, all right, that's enough.

01:24:42.000 He'll go till 4 if you let him.

01:24:44.000 And it's just lit.

01:24:45.000 Yeah.

01:24:47.000 That's the beauty of that place.

01:24:49.000 That late night spot, that was the Kinnison spot.

01:24:52.000 That's how Kinnison became famous.

01:24:54.000 Kinnison became famous because people would, well, first of all, because he was so talented, and he did Letterman and HBO, but the thing in Hollywood was that people would know that Kinnison was going on after midnight.

01:25:05.000 So they would come to the store to see Kinnison, because he was on last.

01:25:10.000 And, you know, he would go as long as he wants.

01:25:12.000 You know, the last person goes as long as they want.

01:25:14.000 And so that's the Holtzman spot too now.

01:25:16.000 And Kinnison would go up and, you know, you'd have all these rock stars and movie stars go by and see him.

01:25:22.000 That's dope. 0.93

01:25:22.000 And they came there just to see Kinnison. 0.93

01:25:25.000 That's so inspiring, actually.

01:25:27.000 Oh, my God.

01:25:28.000 That's all I could think of when I first moved there.

01:25:30.000 And when I moved there, it was right after the wave.

01:25:33.000 Because comedy comes in these wild waves sometimes.

01:25:35.000 And the store certainly always did.

01:25:38.000 And I got there in 94. I went there for the first time in 93. And it was like a ghost town.

01:25:43.000 It was crazy.

01:25:44.000 Like, I went in the OR and there was like a boat act on stage.

01:25:47.000 Like, someone who just should have stopped a long time ago.

01:25:50.000 They were doing, you know, jokes from the 1970s.

01:25:54.000 It was sad.

01:25:56.000 And I was like, this is the comedy store?

01:25:58.000 Like, this is...

01:25:59.000 There was no one in there.

01:26:00.000 There was like 20 people in the audience and I sat in the back.

01:26:03.000 But that was after Kinnison.

01:26:05.000 There was a Kinnison wave.

01:26:07.000 It ended in the late 80s when he left.

01:26:10.000 He left the Comedy Store and he got banned from the Comedy Store and then he kind of fell apart and then he died.

01:26:15.000 And then when I got there in 93, 94, there wasn't a lot of people that were big names that were there all the time.

01:26:23.000 Yeah, I heard when I got there they had like this, I think they called it like the Dark Ages or something, where it was just like super dark and it wasn't too busy.

01:26:32.000 No, it wasn't busy at all for a while in the early 90s.

01:26:36.000 But occasionally, like Martin Lawrence would come and then it would be flooded.

01:26:40.000 Occasionally someone big would come and they would go in the main room and it would be monstrous.

01:26:45.000 And then the place would be packed.

01:26:47.000 George Carlin was there for a while.

01:26:49.000 Damon Wayans would just stop in.

01:26:51.000 He would never announce sets. 0.99

01:26:53.000 He would stop in, because he just wanted to fuck around. 1.00

01:26:56.000 He wanted to go there and fuck around. 0.99

01:26:58.000 So you'd see elite comedy, but it wasn't like it was in the 80s. 0.98

01:27:04.000 And then it became that again. 0.97

01:27:05.000 Slowly over time it built up, and then there was that new era that was in the 2000s, like 2014 on, that was like, fuck, every night was sold out. 0.87

01:27:15.000 Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, two shows, three shows.

01:27:20.000 Constantly packed houses, moving in and out, and you'd see Chris Rock and Dave Chappelle and Louis C.K. and fucking Tim Dillon. 0.98

01:27:26.000 Holy shit, there's so many comics here. 1.00

01:27:29.000 It was wild. 0.98

01:27:30.000 Yeah, my first night actually working now, I wasn't supposed to work.

01:27:33.000 I was actually there for orientation.

01:27:35.000 And it was so stacked.

01:27:38.000 They was like, yo, you mind just kind of expediting a little bit?

01:27:41.000 I'm like, how?

01:27:42.000 I don't know where the table's at.

01:27:43.000 I don't know what I'm doing.

01:27:44.000 They say, here.

01:27:44.000 That's how grimy.

01:27:45.000 Like, comic stuff is crazy.

01:27:46.000 They're like, here go a map. 0.97

01:27:49.000 I'm like, oh, you want me to walk in the dark and look at a fucking map while I got a tray of drinks? 0.99

01:27:52.000 Great! 0.99

01:27:53.000 Wow.

01:27:54.000 But that's how it is in life, too. 1.00

01:27:55.000 You just got to jump your ass in that water and swim. 0.99

01:27:58.000 If I'm not mistaken, it was freaking, was it Louis C.K. that night? 0.99

01:28:02.000 I don't remember.

01:28:04.000 It could have been him.

01:28:05.000 And it was just stacked.

01:28:06.000 And it was like, we need the help.

01:28:07.000 We need the extra hands.

01:28:08.000 I was working in blue jeans.

01:28:10.000 Jesus.

01:28:11.000 And they just threw me a Comedy Store shirt.

01:28:13.000 And it just went from there.

01:28:15.000 But after that, it was dead for like two years.

01:28:20.000 It would be like that if someone big would come.

01:28:23.000 If someone big would come, then it would build up again.

01:28:27.000 It'll happen again.

01:28:28.000 It always happens with that place.

01:28:30.000 It rises.

01:28:31.000 It's just an iconic place.

01:28:33.000 When I was a kid, in 1988, when I first did stand-up, I was at Stitches in Boston, and I remember thinking about the comedy store, like, that's Mecca.

01:28:42.000 That was Mecca.

01:28:43.000 I had to get there.

01:28:44.000 I had to get there.

01:28:45.000 That was my goal, always.

01:28:47.000 Was to get to the Comedy Store.

01:28:48.000 I didn't even know why.

01:28:49.000 I didn't even know how.

01:28:50.000 It was like this thought.

01:28:51.000 I was terrible.

01:28:53.000 I was an open-miker, and I was like, the Comedy Store, that's where Richard Pryor used to work out.

01:28:57.000 That's where Sam Kinison used to work out.

01:28:59.000 And I was like, I gotta get there.

01:29:01.000 And I remember getting there and being like, this is the Comedy Store?

01:29:04.000 This is it?

01:29:05.000 Yeah, it was surprising.

01:29:07.000 Yeah, but then I saw a really good comedy.

01:29:09.000 I kept going back, and then I saw Don Marrera there, and I saw all these other people.

01:29:13.000 Then I got there earlier in the day, and I realized if you get there at 9 o'clock, it's more packed.

01:29:17.000 I was showing up at 11, 11.30, after I'd gotten off of work on a sitcom.

01:29:22.000 Oh, I was about to say, where were you working?

01:29:24.000 I was doing this sitcom called Hardball.

01:29:26.000 That's what I came over to do.

01:29:28.000 And the pilot was me and Jim Brewer.

01:29:31.000 And a bunch of other people that were mostly actors.

01:29:37.000 And it was on Fox.

01:29:39.000 And it didn't go.

01:29:41.000 It went like six episodes.

01:29:42.000 But I had already moved here and I already got an apartment so I stayed.

01:29:45.000 But the big thing to me was becoming a paid regular at the Comedy Store.

01:29:50.000 Which I think happened after...

01:29:52.000 The show got canceled.

01:29:53.000 I think I was there for quite a few months.

01:29:55.000 I was a non-paid regular.

01:29:56.000 So I had to go on at the end of the show.

01:29:58.000 After everyone was already done, then I could go up.

01:30:01.000 How was your relationship with Mitzi?

01:30:02.000 It was amazing.

01:30:04.000 I couldn't believe I was talking to her.

01:30:06.000 Because me, that was the godmother.

01:30:08.000 I could be in her presence and she'd give me advice.

01:30:12.000 She would tell me she thought it was funny.

01:30:14.000 She'd tell me, oh, that was hilarious.

01:30:17.000 I just couldn't believe it.

01:30:19.000 When she told me that I was a paid regular, it was the happiest day of my life.

01:30:22.000 I couldn't believe it.

01:30:24.000 How was the process with you?

01:30:26.000 Because when I became a paid regular, I had to showcase.

01:30:29.000 Did you have to showcase or did she just watch you for a period of time and then come to you and tell you?

01:30:34.000 I showcased.

01:30:35.000 I did my first set and she said I could be a non-paid regular.

01:30:39.000 And so I did that for, like I said, a few months.

01:30:41.000 And then I get to showcase again to be a paid regular and I had a great set.

01:30:46.000 And one of the reasons why I had a great set was this guy named The Todd.

01:30:49.000 That's what he'd call himself, The Todd.

01:30:51.000 And he was friends with Pauly Shore and he used to be...

01:30:54.000 I saw him on MTV before I even did comedy.

01:30:57.000 I saw him on MTV Half Hour Comedy Hour.

01:30:59.000 Maybe it was like an open mic or when I saw him.

01:31:01.000 I can't remember.

01:31:01.000 But I remember seeing that guy on TV and then being around him at the store.

01:31:05.000 And he was a really nice guy.

01:31:06.000 And one of the things that he said, he said, I sat next to Mitzi when you went on stage and I laughed really hard at all your jokes.

01:31:12.000 Because you're really funny and I really want you to be a paid regular, but you're going to do that for other people someday too.

01:31:18.000 He said that to me.

01:31:19.000 All the help helps.

01:31:21.000 But that's a real help.

01:31:22.000 Like, if you could sit next to Mitzi, like, if she knew, like, if you're a legit comic and she knew that you respected the person on stage and that you wanted to see their set and that you laughed, Mitzi, you were, without telling Mitzi anything, you would co-sign.

01:31:34.000 Yeah.

01:31:34.000 You were co-signing.

01:31:35.000 So he co-signed for me.

01:31:36.000 And I never forgot.

01:31:37.000 And then he got, like, really sick.

01:31:39.000 Like, something happened.

01:31:40.000 He had, like, a real brain problem.

01:31:42.000 Oh, no.

01:31:43.000 Yeah, like, real bad where I don't even know if he's still alive.

01:31:47.000 But he came back to the store and there was something really wrong with him, unfortunately.

01:31:52.000 Some sort of health issue with his brain.

01:31:55.000 That's crazy.

01:31:56.000 It was sad, but I learned from him.

01:31:59.000 And there was an interesting moment for me because I was like, oh, that totally makes sense.

01:32:03.000 And that's what you should do.

01:32:05.000 That's the dude.

01:32:06.000 The Todd, huh?

01:32:06.000 That's him.

01:32:07.000 That's the Todd, yeah.

01:32:08.000 He was on the MTV half-hour comedy.

01:32:10.000 Yeah, I was about to say, he looks very, very familiar.

01:32:12.000 Yeah, he was in the 80s.

01:32:14.000 He was a guy that was one of the guys you would see on TV. He had a unique name.

01:32:20.000 He was a good comic.

01:32:21.000 He was a funny guy.

01:32:22.000 But that was what was big.

01:32:24.000 He helped me.

01:32:25.000 I like that.

01:32:26.000 Yeah.

01:32:26.000 I like the help.

01:32:27.000 Because, you know, like you said earlier, some people don't want to see you rise.

01:32:32.000 Well, some people, they just think they have a famine mentality.

01:32:36.000 They think that there's only so much success and so much love and so much positivity out there, and they want it all for themselves.

01:32:42.000 You know, I came at a crossroads.

01:32:46.000 There were times when I had to hold myself accountable for being like that.

01:32:50.000 Be mad at others for having more to me.

01:32:53.000 And one day I just sat down and I'm just like, yo, that ain't your lane.

01:32:58.000 That's not your plan.

01:32:59.000 That's not your journey.

01:33:00.000 So I had to really pull myself out of that and be like, yo, you know, your life is different from everybody else's life.

01:33:08.000 And your journey is different.

01:33:10.000 You know, so... 1.00

01:33:12.000 Once I got out of that stupid mentality, things really started. 0.99

01:33:16.000 And I put all that energy into really focusing on myself and my work. 0.99

01:33:19.000 Things really shifted in my life when I stopped worrying about what other people were doing and what they had.

01:33:24.000 Good for you.

01:33:25.000 Good for you.

01:33:26.000 Do you remember what happened to you or why you made that switch? 1.00

01:33:31.000 Well, I remember just saying to myself one day, that's a talented motherfucker. 1.00

01:33:36.000 Why is you mad? 0.99

01:33:38.000 And I would say to myself, If the only reason why you're upset is because it ain't you, That's a problem.

01:33:49.000 But it's common.

01:33:50.000 For me, it was a problem.

01:33:52.000 Yeah.

01:33:52.000 I used to feel like that when I was younger, and I recognized it in myself.

01:33:56.000 I was like, oh, this is a weakness.

01:33:58.000 This is a terrible weakness.

01:33:59.000 Yeah, yeah. 0.99

01:33:59.000 And it's also, it actually fucks you over. 0.99

01:34:02.000 It doesn't do a thing for that person who's killing it. 0.90

01:34:04.000 It doesn't hurt them at all. 0.98

01:34:05.000 And people think it does, and that's why they engage in it, because they think they're going to diminish them around other people, talk shit about them around other people. 0.91

01:34:13.000 I've had to have conversations with my friends about that. 1.00

01:34:16.000 I'm like, hey man, that guy's a talented motherfucker and you're being a bitch. 1.00

01:34:19.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:34:19.000 Like, don't do that. 1.00

01:34:20.000 I know the instinct.

01:34:21.000 You feel like you deserve more and you haven't gotten yours, but you're not on that guy's path.

01:34:26.000 No.

01:34:26.000 He's on a different path.

01:34:27.000 It's normal.

01:34:28.000 It's a normal.

01:34:29.000 It's just like we have to recognize what it is.

01:34:32.000 It's as normal as sneezing.

01:34:34.000 It's as normal.

01:34:35.000 It's like a normal part of being a human.

01:34:38.000 You gotta check yourself.

01:34:40.000 Yeah, you gotta check that.

01:34:41.000 That's all it is.

01:34:42.000 Lot of therapy and meditation, my friend.

01:34:46.000 Also, just recognize what it is and don't commit to it because you don't want to have been wrong or you want to defend yourself.

01:34:54.000 Don't defend that.

01:34:55.000 Don't defend that.

01:34:55.000 Just let it go.

01:34:56.000 Let it go.

01:34:57.000 Don't be married to ideas you have.

01:34:59.000 And if you have this jealous idea in your head, don't be married to that.

01:35:02.000 Don't keep that.

01:35:03.000 Don't keep it.

01:35:03.000 I know it's normal.

01:35:05.000 It's instinct.

01:35:05.000 I used to have it all the time.

01:35:07.000 It's a big part of being a person.

01:35:09.000 You see someone, especially in the beginning, because you're just trying to make it.

01:35:14.000 So you're so ambitious.

01:35:15.000 You can't wait to go on stage, and you see someone on stage bombing.

01:35:19.000 You're happy they bombed.

01:35:20.000 That's another thing I had to stop doing.

01:35:23.000 When I was coming up at the store, and before I was a paid regular, if I would do the friends and family portion, I would be happy that I was going after someone who I knew weren't as good as me. 0.99

01:35:37.000 And then my life started to change again when I started saying, no, fuck that. 0.99

01:35:42.000 I want the person in front of me to be dope as fuck. 1.00

01:35:46.000 So even at SNL in a pitch meeting, I go after this guy who always light the room up with a pitch. 0.99

01:35:53.000 And I went up to him and I'm like, bro, you make me better because I know I got to come.

01:35:57.000 If I go after you in that meeting, I know I got to come hard.

01:36:00.000 So you are fueling me to keep the energy of the room when you go and then I have to go after you because I don't want to bring it down.

01:36:08.000 So he's making me work harder, but not in like this, like I'm not envious of him.

01:36:15.000 He's helping me and I like his help by him just being himself.

01:36:19.000 Yeah, that's the way to think about it.

01:36:22.000 So once I changed that mentality of I want the best person in the room to be before me, that's when I started getting better as well.

01:36:30.000 You know what I'm saying?

01:36:35.000 I'm gonna put it like this.

01:36:36.000 That's when I started being more prepared as well.

01:36:39.000 That's when my preparation changed to going on stages, too.

01:36:43.000 I'm just like, all right, bet.

01:36:45.000 I need to be a little bit more organized on stage.

01:36:47.000 I need to know when my jokes is coming.

01:36:48.000 I need to make sure I keep it nice and tight because I want to keep the energy in the room.

01:36:53.000 Yeah.

01:36:54.000 It also makes you rise up to that person's RPMs.

01:36:58.000 That's why the comedy store was so good.

01:37:00.000 You would be working with all these killers and you couldn't be lazy.

01:37:05.000 No.

01:37:05.000 One thing that comedians like to do is they like to bring someone on the road with them that's soft.

01:37:11.000 So that person just sort of like goes up and does like a passable job and then they can go up and clean up like a hero.

01:37:17.000 Yeah.

01:37:17.000 But my thought was like, A, that's not helping me at all and B, that's not good for the audience.

01:37:21.000 So I would just bring the most murderous, ruthless comics that I could find.

01:37:26.000 I started working with Joey because I couldn't follow him.

01:37:28.000 I brought Joey on the road with me because I had trouble following him once in New Jersey.

01:37:32.000 I'm like, I'm bringing Joey on the road everywhere.

01:37:33.000 Oh, I love Joey.

01:37:35.000 Joey, when he came into his own, there was a time in the late 90s where Joey came into his own.

01:37:41.000 Where he just really figured it out.

01:37:42.000 Where he was unstoppable.

01:37:44.000 He was unstoppable.

01:37:45.000 Because he had decided that Hollywood was never going to give him any love. 0.87

01:37:48.000 And so he was just – all he wanted was the respect of the comics and to kill. 0.76

01:37:53.000 And he was just always on fire, always on fire.

01:37:57.000 And you would go on after him.

01:37:58.000 It's like, how are you going to compete with that?

01:38:00.000 How are you going to ride that wave?

01:38:02.000 And so – Taking him on the road with me made me sharper.

01:38:06.000 Yeah.

01:38:06.000 Because I'm like, this guy's just destroyed.

01:38:08.000 And then, by the way, after a while, people knew who he was.

01:38:11.000 So in the beginning, people didn't know him. 0.99

01:38:13.000 They were like, what the fuck is this? 0.98

01:38:15.000 And then they would see him go on stage and they would get excited. 1.00

01:38:18.000 They're like, oh shit, that's Joey Diaz. 0.97

01:38:20.000 Or it was Joey Diaz from the JRE or Joey Diaz from the Church of What's Happening Now. 0.98

01:38:24.000 And then it became, you know, now he's an icon.

01:38:28.000 And he's a good man.

01:38:30.000 He's a great man.

01:38:31.000 He's a man, Joey.

01:38:32.000 I love me some Joey.

01:38:34.000 Yeah, he's a wild dude.

01:38:37.000 He's a wild dude.

01:38:38.000 And he was, in a lot of ways, his irreverence, his ability to just cut loose on stage, Showed all of us.

01:38:50.000 He would get so crazy sometimes.

01:38:52.000 I've seen moments on stage where Joey murdered so hard.

01:38:56.000 There was no air in the room.

01:38:57.000 No one could breathe.

01:38:58.000 Everyone was just slapping tables. 0.90

01:39:00.000 It was just so ridiculous.

01:39:02.000 And unfortunately, those were never captured. 0.82

01:39:04.000 That's the thing.

01:39:05.000 People still have never seen Joey the way we've seen Joey.

01:39:08.000 Yeah.

01:39:09.000 Joe would be up there killing himself laughing.

01:39:13.000 Oh my God.

01:39:14.000 But his delivery is so point on and so straightforward.

01:39:18.000 He don't hold nothing back.

01:39:19.000 Economy of words.

01:39:20.000 Economy of words.

01:39:21.000 He's got the best economy of words.

01:39:22.000 Those punchlines sneak up on you so fast.

01:39:24.000 I would agree.

01:39:25.000 And the rapid fire, bang, bang, bang.

01:39:27.000 He don't touch that microphone.

01:39:29.000 And God help you if you see him in front of a Cuban audience.

01:39:33.000 Because then he starts throwing in some Spanish and some Cuban flavored Spanish in with his jokes and oh my god.

01:39:40.000 I've seen him at the Miami Improv back in the day.

01:39:42.000 Murdered to the point where the headliner quit.

01:39:44.000 The headliner went home.

01:39:46.000 Joey was middling and the headliner said, I quit.

01:39:51.000 Alright.

01:39:51.000 I quit.

01:39:52.000 I'm leaving. 1.00

01:39:52.000 Got on a fucking plane. 1.00

01:39:57.000 I'm not doing this to myself. 1.00

01:39:58.000 They're like, Joey, stay up on stage now, man.

01:40:01.000 First show Friday, they're like, check, please.

01:40:03.000 Not a chance.

01:40:04.000 This guy's with me all weekend? 1.00

01:40:05.000 Fuck you. 1.00

01:40:07.000 Because people, when you go on the road for a week, say you show up at Tampa, you expect you're going to get some local Tampa comedian, some soft touch who's going to be up there. 1.00

01:40:18.000 No disrespect to local Tampa comedians, but it's not the strongest comedy scene.

01:40:22.000 So the odds are, if someone's working for you as an opener, In Tampa.

01:40:26.000 They're gonna, you know, be passable.

01:40:27.000 They're okay. 1.00

01:40:28.000 So I'm a fucking headliner. 0.99

01:40:30.000 I got TV credits on the Evening of the Improv. 0.99

01:40:32.000 Let me get in there. 0.99

01:40:33.000 I got my fucking closer bit and it's gonna kill. 0.99

01:40:37.000 You see Joey Diaz on stage and literally tables are falling over. 0.99

01:40:41.000 People are laughing so hard.

01:40:42.000 They're pushing tables over.

01:40:44.000 They're like falling onto the ground.

01:40:45.000 Like, I can't believe this guy.

01:40:47.000 Who was the headliner that got out of there? 0.98

01:40:49.000 That's fucking hilarious. 0.97

01:40:50.000 I can't really tell you. 0.99

01:40:51.000 I'll tell you later.

01:40:52.000 Man, look.

01:40:53.000 I'll tell you later.

01:40:54.000 I probably still would have went up there and took my little bomb.

01:40:57.000 But I would have been pissed. 0.98

01:40:59.000 Those Cuban kids were mean, man. 1.00

01:41:01.000 You didn't bomb good there. 0.94

01:41:02.000 It was a different kind of bombing.

01:41:04.000 It was a different kind of bombing.

01:41:05.000 It was a wild club.

01:41:08.000 The guy who ran the club was a partier.

01:41:10.000 There was a lot of partying going on, if you know what I mean.

01:41:12.000 A lot of that Bolivian marching powder. 1.00

01:41:14.000 There was a lot of shit happening. 1.00

01:41:16.000 It was a wild time. 1.00

01:41:18.000 But it was also like, there was some spots that you would go to and you're like, that club's crazy.

01:41:24.000 And that was one of them.

01:41:27.000 I love that.

01:41:28.000 I ain't never know that.

01:41:29.000 Joey was like the murderer.

01:41:34.000 Nobody wanted to take Joey as a middle act. 1.00

01:41:36.000 Like, get the fuck out of here. 0.99

01:41:37.000 Like, that would be death. 0.99

01:41:39.000 I haven't seen him in three years.

01:41:40.000 I haven't seen so many people in three years.

01:41:43.000 I'm happy to be here because I know a lot of my people out here too.

01:41:46.000 Yeah.

01:41:47.000 Well, that's why I'm happy you're doing Kill Tony tonight.

01:41:49.000 Yeah, I'm going to see my baby.

01:41:51.000 You got to see that.

01:41:52.000 Man, Tony's been my guy.

01:41:54.000 Man, I love that man.

01:41:55.000 I love that man.

01:41:57.000 He's another person that took me on the road.

01:42:01.000 I just go to Tony and be like, let me open.

01:42:03.000 He'll be like, okay.

01:42:04.000 Yeah.

01:42:05.000 No, Tony's the man.

01:42:05.000 He's the man.

01:42:06.000 He's the best host on planet Earth.

01:42:09.000 Like, the way he handles Kill Tony, how quick he is off the cuff.

01:42:12.000 That show's amazing.

01:42:14.000 I love how quick he is.

01:42:14.000 I remember seeing him at the comedy store before he was, you know, Kill Tony.

01:42:19.000 And if I'm not mistaken, he was working at the time.

01:42:21.000 And I remember just seeing him in, you know, the room between the service bar and the back bar?

01:42:27.000 That little space with the mirror?

01:42:28.000 Yes.

01:42:30.000 He was back there one time.

01:42:32.000 He had a drink and he was just kind of just in his head.

01:42:35.000 And I had a tray and I looked at him and I said, you okay?

01:42:37.000 What's wrong?

01:42:38.000 He was like, they're playing with me, kid.

01:42:42.000 They're gonna turn me into a monster.

01:42:46.000 He's like, he thinks he's in the WWE. He's so out of his fucking mind. 1.00

01:42:51.000 He thinks Vince McMahon's waiting there with a camera. 1.00

01:42:53.000 He's so out of his fucking mind. 1.00

01:42:55.000 They're gonna turn me into a monster. 1.00

01:42:58.000 His goofy ass. 1.00

01:42:59.000 And no doubt... 1.00

01:43:01.000 Yeah.

01:43:02.000 He started off in a belly room, moved it into the main room.

01:43:06.000 Now he out here in Austin.

01:43:08.000 He did what he said he was going to do.

01:43:10.000 That show's unstoppable.

01:43:12.000 It's such a good idea to have comics go up and do one minute.

01:43:17.000 And then you have regulars like William Montgomery, Hans Kim, David Lucas.

01:43:21.000 They all do a minute every week.

01:43:22.000 A new minute every week.

01:43:23.000 Every week.

01:43:24.000 So David will write a new minute every week.

01:43:26.000 And so many times, like David is very prolific.

01:43:29.000 And so many times David will take that bit and then he'll be doing it like when he works with me all the time.

01:43:34.000 So David and I are doing shows like most Tuesdays and Wednesdays.

01:43:37.000 And so he'll take these bits from one minute and now all of a sudden he's got a whole new giant one minute chunk.

01:43:44.000 Yeah.

01:43:44.000 And that's a part of his regular act now because of this one minute a week thing.

01:43:48.000 It's an incredible resource for like up and coming comedians and Hans Kim is doing that too.

01:43:53.000 Yeah.

01:43:53.000 Every week you got to be on point.

01:43:54.000 It's like SNL in a lot of ways.

01:43:56.000 Yeah.

01:43:56.000 We have to create every week.

01:43:57.000 Every week.

01:43:58.000 And there's only three of them.

01:43:59.000 Yeah.

01:44:00.000 You know?

01:44:02.000 I can't wait to do a Kill Tony tonight because I'm going to say roast me.

01:44:05.000 I just want to be roast. 1.00

01:44:06.000 I just love when David roasts my ass. 1.00

01:44:08.000 David's the best. 1.00

01:44:08.000 He just... 1.00

01:44:09.000 David and Tony, when those two are roasting each other, it's the hardest I laugh in life.

01:44:13.000 The hardest I laugh in life.

01:44:15.000 The last time I did it, I couldn't breathe.

01:44:16.000 I was literally wheezing while these two were going back and forth with each other.

01:44:20.000 I'm proud of him.

01:44:21.000 He just sold out a theater, his first theater, David.

01:44:23.000 That is...

01:44:25.000 David's killing it. 0.72

01:44:26.000 That's amazing.

01:44:29.000 He works hard.

01:44:30.000 He works hard.

01:44:31.000 He's always doing stand-up.

01:44:32.000 He's always out there.

01:44:33.000 That's good.

01:44:33.000 Yeah.

01:44:34.000 And we'll do two, three shows a week together out here.

01:44:36.000 Oh, that's perfect.

01:44:37.000 That's perfect.

01:44:37.000 And Hans Kim's doing the same thing, and Bryan Simpson's out here killing it.

01:44:41.000 Oh, my baby!

01:44:42.000 Segura's here now.

01:44:44.000 Christina Pazitsky's here.

01:44:45.000 Yeah, my friends, I got a text thread.

01:44:47.000 Duncan's here now.

01:44:47.000 Some of my homegirls just hit me up about Segura.

01:44:50.000 Why is he, has he always been this fine?

01:44:52.000 I'm like, oh!

01:44:53.000 He looks good now.

01:44:54.000 Yeah.

01:44:54.000 He looks good.

01:44:55.000 Tommy's a handsome man under all that blubber.

01:44:57.000 They're like, when he started looking like this?

01:44:59.000 I'm like, this ain't my conversation, guys.

01:45:01.000 Well, you know what happened?

01:45:03.000 Him and Bert had this weight loss challenge, and this was like, how many years ago was that?

01:45:07.000 Five years ago?

01:45:08.000 I just saw something about it.

01:45:10.000 Did they do something recent?

01:45:11.000 I think it's six years ago.

01:45:12.000 Six years ago.

01:45:13.000 Oh, because I was about to say.

01:45:14.000 But this is what started.

01:45:15.000 So him and Bert, yeah, him with Jason Momoa.

01:45:18.000 Look at that.

01:45:18.000 Look how good he looks.

01:45:19.000 Look how fanny he looks. 0.99

01:45:20.000 Look how fucking thin Segura looks. 1.00

01:45:22.000 Wow. 0.99

01:45:23.000 There's a picture of him, go back to his Instagram, of him sitting down eating ice cream.

01:45:28.000 And I looked at it.

01:45:29.000 And I was like, look at that.

01:45:31.000 Look how fit he looks.

01:45:32.000 Look at his arms. 1.00

01:45:33.000 Damn, when the fuck did that happen? 1.00

01:45:34.000 Look at his legs, like everything. 1.00

01:45:36.000 Like, he's fit now.

01:45:37.000 He's like, he works out twice a day, every day.

01:45:40.000 He does weights, and he does cardio.

01:45:42.000 He has a trainer that he brings with him on the road, and he's constantly working out. 0.99

01:45:46.000 He has a sled that he pulls in his driveway, and I'm watching all this shit, and I'm like, this is insane. 0.99

01:45:51.000 That's the level I'm trying to get to. 0.99

01:45:53.000 You can do that, buddy.

01:45:53.000 Well, I'm trying to get to where I can afford to bring my trainer with me everywhere I go.

01:45:58.000 Start off with someone to hold mitts for you.

01:46:00.000 Oh, see, I got a boxing trainer.

01:46:02.000 That's why I moved out to Jersey.

01:46:03.000 Take that person with you.

01:46:04.000 I moved out to Jersey, got my boy Baron with me, and he teached me everything.

01:46:09.000 He also like, look, don't be out here getting in fights because you could really swing now.

01:46:14.000 Yeah, don't hurt anybody, especially now that you have money.

01:46:16.000 He's like, back, he's like, just always walk away.

01:46:19.000 Because I don't, I didn't realize, I do have a lot of power. 1.00

01:46:21.000 Sometimes I do this to somebody, just because I'm like, you're so stupid. 1.00

01:46:25.000 And I'll be, I'll push the fuck out of them. 1.00

01:46:27.000 And I'll be like, my bad, I didn't mean to do that. 1.00

01:46:30.000 You don't realize your power.

01:46:31.000 But if I want to get to a level of having enough money to take my trainer, you work for me and only me, with me, forever.

01:46:40.000 Forever.

01:46:40.000 365 days a year.

01:46:41.000 What if they want to quit? 1.00

01:46:42.000 You kill them? 1.00

01:46:43.000 Yeah, hell yeah! 1.00

01:46:44.000 Put a bullet in your foot. 1.00

01:46:45.000 Let me see. 1.00

01:46:48.000 But that's my boy, man.

01:46:50.000 I've never gone that far where I take a trainer with me on the road.

01:46:52.000 I don't bring a trainer with me.

01:46:54.000 Well, I mean, if I go out on the road Friday said to come back home, then no.

01:46:57.000 But if I'm like, if life is constantly on the road week by week for me, I'ma need them.

01:47:02.000 The problem with that is like, it's great for sure, but I need alone time.

01:47:08.000 And that's my alone time.

01:47:09.000 When I work out, I like to put AirPods on, so I listen to music.

01:47:14.000 And I just get cranking.

01:47:16.000 And I just get in my own head.

01:47:17.000 That's what I like to do.

01:47:18.000 I don't want anybody telling me what we're doing next.

01:47:20.000 I know what to do.

01:47:21.000 I write it out.

01:47:22.000 Well, that's my problem.

01:47:22.000 If I knew how to work out.

01:47:26.000 But there's a great benefit to having a trainer, no doubt.

01:47:28.000 But for me, what I get out of it personally, I've definitely worked with trainers before, and I love what I've learned from them, but I like that time where it's just me struggling in my own head.

01:47:41.000 To me, that's the start of every day.

01:47:43.000 Every day I do something.

01:47:44.000 And when I do it, I set it out, I write out what I'm going to do, figure it out in my head, and that way I'm just in my own head.

01:47:51.000 I don't talk to anybody, I don't look at my phone.

01:47:53.000 I dig that.

01:47:54.000 I dig that.

01:47:55.000 Do you get into a lot of CrossFit?

01:47:57.000 I do those same kind of movements.

01:47:59.000 I do a lot of kettlebell stuff, and I do a lot of bodyweight stuff.

01:48:03.000 So I do a lot of similar things.

01:48:05.000 Because you stay strong.

01:48:08.000 You know what I'm saying?

01:48:08.000 So I don't think you...

01:48:09.000 You don't do a lot of cardio, do you?

01:48:10.000 I do cardio.

01:48:11.000 Really?

01:48:11.000 Yeah.

01:48:11.000 Yeah, I do airdyne bike.

01:48:13.000 You know what that is?

01:48:14.000 Uh-uh.

01:48:14.000 And I do rounds in the back.

01:48:16.000 But the airdyne bike is a...

01:48:20.000 You do your arms and your legs at the same time.

01:48:22.000 Oh, yes, yes, yes.

01:48:22.000 Okay, yes.

01:48:23.000 I have this rogue echo bike.

01:48:25.000 It's brutal.

01:48:26.000 And so I do sprints on this thing.

01:48:28.000 So you do 20-second sprints with 10-second rests, and I do that for eight reps, and I do that for 10 repetitions.

01:48:34.000 So I do 10 rounds of 20-second sprint, 10-second rest, 20-second sprint.

01:48:39.000 Do that eight times, get my heart rate down below 100, and then do it again.

01:48:43.000 And then get my heart rate back up.

01:48:45.000 You do that 10 times?

01:48:46.000 10 times in a row, yeah.

01:48:49.000 Yeah, so that's my cardio.

01:48:50.000 I do that at least once a week.

01:48:52.000 Okay.

01:48:52.000 Yeah, I don't do that a lot.

01:48:54.000 Then I do rounds in the bag and I do other stuff for cardio.

01:48:56.000 I pull a sled.

01:48:58.000 That bag will do some serious damage.

01:49:01.000 Sure.

01:49:01.000 You'll shred very fast in here with that bag.

01:49:05.000 My arms get...

01:49:07.000 Let's say I've just...

01:49:09.000 Sometimes if I get depressed, I just stop everything.

01:49:12.000 So let's say I stop for like two months.

01:49:14.000 If I get back in the gym and get on that bag, I shred so fast and so hard.

01:49:19.000 Within three weeks, I'm like 10, 12 pounds down off the bag.

01:49:24.000 It's a lot of calories you're burning, too.

01:49:26.000 If you wear a chest strap, one of those straps that measures the amount of calories you're burning, you're burning a shitload of calories hitting the bag.

01:49:32.000 I mean, it's so dynamic.

01:49:33.000 There's so much movement, so your heart rate is jacked.

01:49:36.000 Yeah.

01:49:38.000 My trainer's like, look, if you ever go to a boxing gym without me, you have to go to every bag.

01:49:42.000 You do three rounds on every bag.

01:49:44.000 So that is one thing I know how to do.

01:49:48.000 I don't know how to work out.

01:49:49.000 But I know how to use every bag in the gym.

01:49:51.000 That's perfect.

01:49:51.000 That's all you really need.

01:49:52.000 You want to get in shape.

01:49:53.000 Also, they have these round timers that'll let you do the same kind of thing, like sprints and then rest periods.

01:50:02.000 So it'll be like...

01:50:04.000 I think Tidal Boxing had one.

01:50:06.000 Ringside.

01:50:06.000 Ringside had one.

01:50:07.000 And you had like a green light and a yellow light and then a red light.

01:50:12.000 And the red light was in between rounds.

01:50:14.000 Then you would rest.

01:50:15.000 And the green light was sprint.

01:50:17.000 So the green light, you would... 0.98

01:50:18.000 Just beat the fuck out of the back. 0.90

01:50:21.000 And then the yellow light would come on and then you would just sort of tap it and move around. 0.98

01:50:25.000 And you would just kind of catch your breath back up.

01:50:28.000 And then the green light would come back on you.

01:50:31.000 So it would give you like structure.

01:50:33.000 Like during that green time, you sprint.

01:50:36.000 During the yellow time, you lay back.

01:50:38.000 Oh, yeah.

01:50:38.000 So basically, that'll be like each light be a minute, I'm guessing, right?

01:50:43.000 I don't know how they do it.

01:50:44.000 I don't know how it does it.

01:50:46.000 I want to say it's 30 seconds.

01:50:47.000 I think actually, no.

01:50:49.000 I think what it is is adjustable.

01:50:50.000 I think you could set the round.

01:50:52.000 I think the round thing would go to as much as five minutes and you could choose the intervals.

01:50:56.000 Okay.

01:50:57.000 Yeah, I'm really getting deep into this.

01:51:00.000 I don't know if my trainer be gassing me up, man.

01:51:02.000 I think he be gassing me.

01:51:04.000 I don't know.

01:51:04.000 But he's like, yo, you could go out and fight.

01:51:07.000 I think I'm going to get you somebody to spar with.

01:51:09.000 I'm like, I don't know if I'm ready for that.

01:51:11.000 He's like, yo, you ready?

01:51:13.000 We have heavy bags right next door.

01:51:14.000 You can show me.

01:51:15.000 Yeah, he want me to fight.

01:51:17.000 Show me what you got, punky. 0.98

01:51:18.000 Hit that bag.

01:51:20.000 You know, we got that I love is a water bag.

01:51:22.000 It's like a big ball filled with water.

01:51:24.000 Have you ever hit one of those?

01:51:26.000 I don't...

01:51:27.000 Oh, it's nice.

01:51:28.000 The only thing I've done with water is...

01:51:31.000 I don't know what you call it, but they got handles on it, and I'll just do these little lunges that shreds you all in your bag and stuff. 0.98

01:51:40.000 Yeah, because the water's moving.

01:51:42.000 You have to adjust to the movement of the water.

01:51:44.000 Those are great.

01:51:45.000 I like stuff like that, like clubs.

01:51:47.000 You ever use those metal clubs, steel clubs?

01:51:49.000 You pick them up.

01:51:50.000 They're called club bells.

01:51:52.000 It's like a long pole.

01:51:53.000 It almost looks like a weapon, and you're swinging them above your head, and it's all about controlling this awkward weight.

01:52:00.000 Oh, no.

01:52:00.000 Or like a mace?

01:52:01.000 You ever use a mace?

01:52:02.000 Same thing?

01:52:03.000 No, I usually just do that with the heavy ball.

01:52:07.000 Oh, the medicine ball?

01:52:08.000 That's good, too.

01:52:09.000 That's good, too. 1.00

01:52:10.000 You could do a bunch of shit like that with a medicine ball. 0.99

01:52:12.000 But the thing about clubs and maces is that it's awkward. 0.99

01:52:16.000 So there's this long metal piece with a mace, and then at the end of it is the weight.

01:52:21.000 So you're holding on to this thing.

01:52:23.000 It's all this leverage, and you're swinging it around.

01:52:26.000 It's really good for your shoulders and your core.

01:52:28.000 It works your leg.

01:52:28.000 It works your whole body.

01:52:30.000 Yeah, that working out is serious.

01:52:32.000 Serious, Bunky.

01:52:33.000 Oh, yeah.

01:52:33.000 It's also good for the dome.

01:52:35.000 That's the most important part of it.

01:52:36.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:52:36.000 I do feel a lot more...

01:52:38.000 Like whenever I work out, before I do anything, my brain is ahead of me.

01:52:44.000 Yes.

01:52:45.000 Yeah.

01:52:46.000 It's fired up.

01:52:47.000 Yeah.

01:52:48.000 It doesn't stop.

01:52:49.000 And my girlfriend, she's a little thick one, right? 1.00

01:52:52.000 She bigoted me.

01:52:54.000 And one time, I don't know what happened, like she came to sit on top of me on the sofa and I stood up. 1.00

01:53:00.000 I like walked up to the kitchen and she was like, what the fuck? 1.00

01:53:03.000 She said, I got to call money. 0.99

01:53:05.000 I called my trainer.

01:53:06.000 She's like, I got to call him right away.

01:53:08.000 They get on the phone. 1.00

01:53:08.000 She was like, man, this bitch is strong. 1.00

01:53:13.000 She's like, you got my baby picking me up. 1.00

01:53:19.000 That's hilarious.

01:53:20.000 I didn't know I was that strong either.

01:53:22.000 That's hilarious.

01:53:23.000 You know, because, you know, I got to do a lot of leg work, you know?

01:53:27.000 Yeah, sure.

01:53:28.000 All your strength comes from the below.

01:53:30.000 So I do a whole bunch of squats.

01:53:32.000 I do 100 push-ups a day every day, straight up.

01:53:35.000 Really?

01:53:35.000 Yeah, I start off, I got to.

01:53:36.000 How many do you do in a row?

01:53:39.000 I could do 40 in a row.

01:53:40.000 Wow.

01:53:41.000 I could do 40 push-ups in a row.

01:53:42.000 That's impressive.

01:53:43.000 I'm working up to doing 100 in a row.

01:53:45.000 This guy did this play one time, maybe 15 years ago, and this guy was like, all right, time for me to get my push-ups in.

01:53:50.000 He did like 300 push-ups in a row.

01:53:53.000 In a row?

01:53:54.000 In a row.

01:53:55.000 What's the world record for the amount of push-ups someone's ever done in a row?

01:53:59.000 I would like to know that.

01:54:01.000 Because I would imagine it would be close to the world record.

01:54:04.000 Like how many push-ups can someone do before their arms fall apart?

01:54:07.000 I think it's like 500, 600 maybe?

01:54:09.000 I guess it also would depend on how heavy the person is too.

01:54:12.000 Yeah.

01:54:12.000 You know, like if you're a heavy person, that's a big, you know, if you're Burt Kreischer.

01:54:15.000 Are you watching this?

01:54:16.000 They got this show on Netflix right now.

01:54:18.000 It's called like the Top 100 or something like that.

01:54:20.000 And it's just like all these guys and girls, ladies and men from...

01:54:26.000 From Asia.

01:54:27.000 They're all Asian. 0.99

01:54:29.000 And it's like, it's...

01:54:31.000 God, what is it called?

01:54:32.000 But they go into this room and it's like whoever's stronger and whoever's...

01:54:37.000 And the men compete against the women as well.

01:54:40.000 They had this one competition where a guy was competing against a woman and he had his knee on her chest.

01:54:45.000 And everybody was like, come on, man, come on.

01:54:47.000 And he's looking at them and he's like...

01:54:49.000 Competing in what way?

01:54:50.000 What's he doing?

01:54:52.000 What's the most record push-ups?

01:54:54.000 I'm trying to find the real truth.

01:54:56.000 It said it's 10,000.

01:54:57.000 What?

01:54:58.000 In a row?

01:54:59.000 Yeah.

01:54:59.000 What?

01:54:59.000 Breaking the record of 7,650.

01:55:02.000 What?

01:55:02.000 Both sound fake.

01:55:04.000 What?

01:55:04.000 There's a video that says why that's probably fake, so I was trying to find another number while you were saying something.

01:55:09.000 In a row?

01:55:09.000 She brought up the show that I was trying to then get an answer for, so...

01:55:12.000 How much time did that take?

01:55:13.000 There's the show.

01:55:14.000 Yes!

01:55:15.000 Physical 100. Man, this show got me on the end.

01:55:19.000 It got its slow parts because it got to do a lot of introductions and a lot of things.

01:55:23.000 Is that Akiyama?

01:55:25.000 It's in Korea for sure. 0.97

01:55:27.000 That might be Akiyama.

01:55:29.000 The guy with the big head in the background?

01:55:32.000 Yo, it's a lot of famous Asian fighters.

01:55:37.000 Yeah, that's what I'm thinking.

01:55:38.000 Well, Akiyama, they call him Sexy Yama.

01:55:40.000 Yeah.

01:55:41.000 Yoshihiro Akiyama.

01:55:42.000 He's a world famous MMA fighter that fought in Pride.

01:55:46.000 They call him Sexy Yama because he's like super tan and super jacked.

01:55:50.000 Yeah.

01:55:50.000 Pull up a video of Akiyama fighting.

01:55:54.000 Okay, here it is.

01:55:56.000 This is this physical 100. Oh, it's Squid Games.

01:56:04.000 Broadcast globally.

01:56:07.000 Squid Games!

01:56:08.000 And it's stuff like with the mind as well.

01:56:10.000 So it's like you don't have to be the strongest or the fastest.

01:56:13.000 You just got to be strategic.

01:56:14.000 Oh, look at this.

01:56:16.000 Like whoever has the ball at the end of three minutes is the champion.

01:56:20.000 Oh, interesting.

01:56:22.000 Interesting.

01:56:24.000 Oh, wow. 1.00

01:56:25.000 So they're duking it out for this fucking ball. 1.00

01:56:28.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:56:28.000 Oh, that's a good idea. 0.99

01:56:29.000 Yeah.

01:56:29.000 And that's just one challenge.

01:56:31.000 So the last challenge...

01:56:32.000 The sand.

01:56:32.000 So that's the last one.

01:56:33.000 The new episode will come on tomorrow. 0.99

01:56:36.000 Nah, shit. 1.00

01:56:37.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:56:37.000 That's a good idea. 1.00

01:56:38.000 Someone's going to get fucked up, though. 0.98

01:56:40.000 They're duking it out on a wooden battleship? 0.99

01:56:43.000 That seems like a recipe for a broken leg.

01:56:44.000 Well, the thing is, now that is going to be a team thing.

01:56:47.000 So everybody is thinking, okay, we have to have all strong people.

01:56:51.000 But some of these, you're going to have to have some light people so they can get across bridges and stuff.

01:56:57.000 Sure.

01:56:58.000 Oh, man.

01:56:59.000 It's just so good.

01:57:00.000 Look at that dude in the front picture.

01:57:02.000 Go back to that picture.

01:57:03.000 Look how jacked that dude is.

01:57:04.000 Jesus Christ.

01:57:06.000 And sometimes the biggest and the strongest lose because they didn't have a game plan going into the event.

01:57:16.000 Well, also, they probably don't have to be as crafty because they're big and strong and they think they're just going to get away with that. 0.98

01:57:20.000 And then they find out, oh, no, this is like some shit where I have to hang by my hands longer than the other person. 0.97

01:57:25.000 That's crazy you say that because that was the first challenge. 0.99

01:57:27.000 Oh, see, we figured that out on Fear Factor.

01:57:29.000 On Fear Factor, girls can hang longer than guys can. 1.00

01:57:32.000 We had these jacked dudes and they had to hang off of this bar over a bridge. 1.00

01:57:36.000 And the jacked dudes all fell before the women. 0.72

01:57:38.000 Because women don't weigh as much. 1.00

01:57:40.000 No, no.

01:57:41.000 And it's crazy how they just got comfortable.

01:57:44.000 Some of them just got comfortable up there, just like holding the bar like this. 0.99

01:57:47.000 I'm like, goddamn, these people are flexible. 0.97

01:57:49.000 But they got gymnasts up there that's still in the game and still winning and stuff. 0.99

01:57:54.000 It's deep.

01:57:54.000 See if you can find a video of Akiyama fighting.

01:57:57.000 This dude was a pride legend.

01:58:00.000 What's the funniest interview you ever did in the UFC? Yeah, like the funniest.

01:58:05.000 Derek Lewis, for sure.

01:58:07.000 He took his pants off.

01:58:08.000 And I go, Derek, why'd you take your pants off? 1.00

01:58:09.000 He goes, my balls was hot. 0.99

01:58:11.000 And I go, I understand, sir. 0.99

01:58:14.000 Take his shorts off in the middle of the ring after he won.

01:58:17.000 And I'm like, why'd you take your pants off? 1.00

01:58:19.000 Because my balls was hot. 0.99

01:58:21.000 So Akiyama, he was a judo champion. 0.99

01:58:25.000 And he also, this is him with the gi on.

01:58:28.000 He used to fight with the gi on, but he fought with no gi.

01:58:30.000 And look how jacked he was.

01:58:32.000 He was an evil fighter, man.

01:58:33.000 He was badass.

01:58:35.000 Akiyama was legit.

01:58:36.000 He was seriously legit.

01:58:37.000 He beat Melvin Manhoff, I believe.

01:58:39.000 He beat him by submission.

01:58:41.000 But he was super legit with judo.

01:58:44.000 Okay, so this...

01:58:45.000 Look at this.

01:58:46.000 Bam, son.

01:58:47.000 Tap.

01:58:48.000 And Melvin Manhoff, the guy who he just beat, was one of the greatest strikers that ever fought in MMA. One of the scariest motherfuckers. 0.99

01:58:56.000 That guy, Melvin Manhoff, was a destroyer. 1.00

01:58:59.000 So when Sexy Yama submitted him, that was a big deal.

01:59:02.000 Really?

01:59:03.000 Yeah.

01:59:03.000 So the Sexy Yama guy, that's the...

01:59:06.000 That's the host.

01:59:07.000 That's the old man that you just pointed out.

01:59:08.000 That's the guy in the background when you see his face.

01:59:10.000 Yes.

01:59:10.000 The picture.

01:59:11.000 He had the big head and the other people in front of him.

01:59:13.000 That's Akiyama.

01:59:14.000 Okay.

01:59:15.000 Yeah, so he must be the host of it or something, right?

01:59:17.000 No, he's competing.

01:59:18.000 Oh, really?

01:59:19.000 Yeah.

01:59:20.000 Jesus Christ.

01:59:20.000 There's no host.

01:59:21.000 The host is just a voice.

01:59:22.000 He was in Pride fighting in the early 2000s.

01:59:27.000 Word?

01:59:27.000 Yeah.

01:59:28.000 Like, what year did Akiyama fight in Pride?

01:59:32.000 I want to guess, like, 2006?

01:59:34.000 Somewhere around there?

01:59:36.000 When did he fight?

01:59:37.000 Did it say when he fought in Pride?

01:59:39.000 Because Pride, when it was a big thing...

01:59:41.000 2001. 2001. 2002. Yeah.

01:59:45.000 When the UFC purchased Pride, I think in like 2000, what was that?

01:59:50.000 Six or seven or something like that?

01:59:52.000 One championship.

01:59:54.000 Well, he fought in one championship recently.

01:59:57.000 That was pretty recently, which is crazy.

01:59:59.000 So 20 years after he first started competing.

02:00:06.000 So 2009, the UFC bought and brought in Akiyama.

02:00:11.000 Wild.

02:00:12.000 Wild.

02:00:12.000 So now he's hosting that show.

02:00:13.000 He's got to be 50 years old.

02:00:15.000 How old is that guy?

02:00:17.000 Yeah, he's...

02:00:18.000 He's got to be deep into his 40s.

02:00:20.000 Well, you can tell because everybody has a massive amount of respect for him on the show when they speak of him.

02:00:24.000 Yeah.

02:00:25.000 And his first one-on-one battle.

02:00:28.000 So it's 100 of them.

02:00:29.000 And then the first battle, half of them were eliminated.

02:00:32.000 And that was the ball.

02:00:33.000 So now another half is about to be eliminated by tomorrow with the sand.

02:00:39.000 Now the sand is very strategic because you've got to fill this bag of sand, walk across the bridge, and empty it into a tube.

02:00:46.000 And whoever had the most in 12 minutes is going to win.

02:00:49.000 Is this all the people that are on it?

02:00:50.000 Yeah, there's other fighters and stuff on it too.

02:00:51.000 There you go.

02:00:53.000 How old is Akiyama?

02:00:57.000 Does it say?

02:00:58.000 47. 47. Damn.

02:01:00.000 He looked good, too. 1.00

02:01:01.000 Still fighting.

02:01:02.000 He fought in one championship, I want to say, within the last three years.

02:01:05.000 He looked good, too.

02:01:06.000 And you know what else to say?

02:01:09.000 He had all of that background of just being exquisite at what he does.

02:01:17.000 He's very humble when he speaks.

02:01:20.000 Because they do interviews and stuff, and he's just sitting up there like, I don't know, man.

02:01:27.000 It's an English voiceover.

02:01:29.000 Right, oh, that's not good.

02:01:31.000 I'd rather them just have the subtitles, honestly, because the English voiceovers are so weird.

02:01:37.000 Right, you want to hear the guy's voice.

02:01:39.000 Right, right, right.

02:01:40.000 And he's like, I don't know, man, maybe I made the wrong choice.

02:01:43.000 He's so humble in the way he goes into his competitions.

02:01:46.000 He's never like, I'm going to win this.

02:01:48.000 You know, in the early Bruce Lee movies, they had someone do his voice.

02:01:52.000 Oh, really?

02:01:52.000 If you watch the early Bruce Lee movies, someone is talking like this.

02:01:55.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:01:56.000 Someone's talking over him.

02:01:57.000 Hey, guys, we have to go down there and fix this problem.

02:02:00.000 Right now.

02:02:01.000 Yeah.

02:02:02.000 Because every time I watch the Ip Man movies, I'd rather them leave it, leave just his Chinese accent than have the American guy. 1.00

02:02:11.000 Oh, yeah, for sure.

02:02:12.000 Yeah.

02:02:12.000 Speak over it.

02:02:13.000 I hate it.

02:02:14.000 No, you want subtitles.

02:02:15.000 Because you want to hear the inflection in their voice.

02:02:18.000 When someone is talking over them like this, that seems crazy.

02:02:22.000 Especially if it's like a dramatic scene.

02:02:24.000 I can't stay with it.

02:02:27.000 I think this is real, though.

02:02:29.000 I can't tell. 0.99

02:02:30.000 How fuck are you in this? 1.00

02:02:31.000 Oh, no, no, no. 1.00

02:02:32.000 That's different.

02:02:33.000 That's different.

02:02:34.000 I'm not just going to leave it alone.

02:02:35.000 Bruce Lee, what was that, that we just saw?

02:02:38.000 Impersonated.

02:02:39.000 I don't know if they're real or fake.

02:02:40.000 They're mostly fake people just re-uploading them.

02:02:43.000 Yeah, just don't say Bruce Lee voiceover.

02:02:46.000 Right, Bruce Lee had his voice dubbed in early movies.

02:02:52.000 Dubbed early movies.

02:02:54.000 Maybe, but I think the early movies, there's like some pretty obvious examples.

02:02:59.000 It's just going to take too long now.

02:03:01.000 Oh, Jamie.

02:03:03.000 I was trying to do it fast.

02:03:04.000 I understand.

02:03:05.000 We're going to get lost.

02:03:06.000 Yeah.

02:03:07.000 See?

02:03:08.000 Okay.

02:03:09.000 There's a lot of different voiceover dubs that he does.

02:03:13.000 I get it.

02:03:13.000 But that was a thing with Kung Fu movies, right?

02:03:16.000 And Godzilla, too.

02:03:18.000 You go watch early Godzilla.

02:03:19.000 It was all dubbed over.

02:03:21.000 Hey, Godzilla's coming!

02:03:23.000 This is a real problem, guys!

02:03:25.000 I hate that. 1.00

02:03:26.000 Just give me the real people and let me read the shit. 1.00

02:03:29.000 There's a new show that's on Netflix right now. 0.99

02:03:32.000 Here, is this voice dubbed here?

02:03:37.000 That's Bolo Young.

02:03:38.000 That's not even...

02:03:39.000 1973, Enter the Dragon.

02:03:47.000 By this time, he might have been talking in his own voice.

02:03:50.000 I believe he was.

02:03:53.000 But I don't think Bruce is going to do much talking. 0.99

02:03:54.000 He's just going to fuck this dude up. 0.99

02:03:57.000 I love... 1.00

02:03:58.000 I fucking love watching Bruce Lee. 0.68

02:04:00.000 The noises? 0.98

02:04:00.000 I remember hearing those noises going, what is this? 0.98

02:04:03.000 By the way, no one can do that now.

02:04:05.000 If you think about karate movies, people just do karate.

02:04:08.000 Nobody goes...

02:04:09.000 There's no swag in fashion, man.

02:04:13.000 He was...

02:04:13.000 Smooth.

02:04:14.000 Oh, he was so smooth.

02:04:15.000 I loved him.

02:04:16.000 Yeah, and he was an Asian superhero.

02:04:18.000 Yeah.

02:04:19.000 They didn't ever see that coming.

02:04:22.000 This dude, out of nowhere, throwing karate kicks and doing jujitsu and judo and mixing them all together.

02:04:30.000 Nobody saw that coming.

02:04:31.000 That guy changed martial arts.

02:04:33.000 He did.

02:04:34.000 Before the UFC came along, that was the first guy that combined things.

02:04:38.000 He was the one who kind of opened the door for the UFC in a lot of ways.

02:04:40.000 If I'm not mistaken, he also did Wing Chun.

02:04:42.000 He did.

02:04:43.000 He did.

02:04:44.000 Yeah.

02:04:44.000 That's why I have to learn it.

02:04:47.000 I got to figure out when and how, but I got to get there.

02:04:49.000 Yeah, he trained under Yip Man. 1.00

02:04:52.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:04:53.000 He trained under him.

02:04:55.000 And also, again, if I'm not mistaken, I think it was created by a woman.

02:05:00.000 Wing Chun was?

02:05:01.000 Yeah.

02:05:01.000 I think you're right.

02:05:02.000 Yeah.

02:05:03.000 Yeah, but I don't think they know. 0.98

02:05:04.000 How the fuck could they know? 0.98

02:05:05.000 I don't even know who figured that out. 0.99

02:05:07.000 I just want to learn how to be lighter on my feet.

02:05:12.000 Okay.

02:05:12.000 Well, you should do plyometrics.

02:05:14.000 Do footwork drills.

02:05:15.000 Yeah?

02:05:15.000 Yeah.

02:05:16.000 All right.

02:05:16.000 I can look into that, too.

02:05:17.000 There's a ton of guys on Instagram that are boxing coaches that set up those footwork ladders.

02:05:22.000 Have you ever seen those footwork ladders?

02:05:23.000 Yeah.

02:05:24.000 And, you know, you go in and out with the feet and do plyometrics where you jump like ski moves side to side and side to side.

02:05:30.000 That's how to get light on your feet.

02:05:31.000 Yeah.

02:05:32.000 And then learning how to use it.

02:05:34.000 When I'm on a road and I don't have my trainer, I'll plug in Sean T. I got his yearly Beachbody program.

02:05:48.000 And I just crank up insanity.

02:05:52.000 And he does have a plyometric workout on there, too, that uses the ladder.

02:05:57.000 That's good.

02:05:58.000 But I never do that one.

02:06:00.000 That's a good one.

02:06:01.000 You know what else is really good?

02:06:02.000 What?

02:06:02.000 Skipping rope.

02:06:03.000 People don't skip rope.

02:06:04.000 Jumping rope is fantastic.

02:06:06.000 It's one of the best things for your footwork.

02:06:08.000 It's the reason why boxers do it. 0.95

02:06:09.000 Because you've got to think about all that time you're just bouncing on your toes.

02:06:13.000 A lot of times in your boxing, you're flat-footed.

02:06:16.000 Yeah.

02:06:16.000 Or you're moving, but you're not moving constantly over and over and over again.

02:06:19.000 But if you have the ability to do that, so if you're skipping rope and you skip rope for 10 minutes, and you're moving your feet back and forth, that's 10 minutes that you're forcing yourself to bounce up and down on your calves and on the ball of your feet because you have to jump over that rope,

02:06:34.000 right?

02:06:35.000 So when you're doing that, you're energizing those muscles, strengthening those muscles, and then conditioning your body to be able to move like that.

02:06:42.000 I need to jump rope.

02:06:43.000 See, my problem, Joe...

02:06:45.000 I don't like to jump.

02:06:47.000 Who does?

02:06:48.000 I hate it.

02:06:49.000 But that's the thing.

02:06:51.000 I need to start doing the things that I don't want to do.

02:06:53.000 Yeah.

02:06:54.000 Especially when it comes down to working out.

02:06:56.000 So I do not jump rope in boxing.

02:06:57.000 And I know that that's a big factor.

02:07:00.000 And I have to get over myself.

02:07:02.000 Jumping rope's a good one.

02:07:03.000 It's a big one.

02:07:04.000 Shadowboxing is another one.

02:07:06.000 Shadowboxing with purpose.

02:07:07.000 Shadowboxing moving, pretending a punch is coming your way, getting out of the way of it, landing your own shots, pivoting away, like that.

02:07:14.000 Like picturing someone in front of you.

02:07:15.000 Yeah, that's the creativity, too.

02:07:17.000 You have to have imagination for that.

02:07:18.000 I got two pound weights in my office at SNL, and we get to have friends come on Saturdays, and my friend came, he saw the weights. 0.98

02:07:26.000 He said, man, what you doing with this motherfucking two pounds? 0.99

02:07:29.000 They mind your business. 1.00

02:07:30.000 Nah, you punk, you full of shit, you ain't doing nothing. 1.00

02:07:32.000 I'm like, I shadowbox if you ought to know with the two pounds. 1.00

02:07:37.000 Just, I'll do, like, if I'm in my office, I'll put on a movie or something until it's my time to go down to set, and I'll just sit in my office and I'll shadowbox for a I'll go do a round.

02:07:49.000 I'll sit.

02:07:49.000 I'll chill.

02:07:50.000 I'll do another round. 0.56

02:07:50.000 I'll sit. 0.56

02:07:51.000 I'll chill.

02:07:51.000 Sometimes I'll do four or five rounds before I go downstairs.

02:07:53.000 Good for you.

02:07:54.000 And it gets your brain fired up, right?

02:07:55.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:07:56.000 And I also have to be like, sorry if I stink off.

02:07:58.000 I'm sweaty.

02:07:59.000 I've been upstairs moving around.

02:08:01.000 But those endorphins get flowing.

02:08:02.000 If there was a pill that could make you feel like you feel after you work out, everybody would take it.

02:08:06.000 No side effects?

02:08:09.000 There's a pill.

02:08:10.000 It's called workout.

02:08:10.000 It's just not a pill.

02:08:12.000 But it gives you the effect of the perfect mixture of like a relieving of anxiety, a strengthening of all your connections, you feel yourself more.

02:08:22.000 And if you've got to be like physical, like I love a good workout before a set because you know you work out and then you kind of like blow the anxiety out of your system and you feel loose.

02:08:30.000 You just feel good when you get up there.

02:08:31.000 I would do 50 push-ups right before my set.

02:08:35.000 Or a couple of jumping jacks before my set.

02:08:37.000 That's good.

02:08:38.000 Yeah, get the blood flowing.

02:08:40.000 Joey Diaz would yell at us.

02:08:42.000 That's what he would do.

02:08:43.000 I had to teach people that Joey's not really mad at you.

02:08:45.000 He's just getting fired up for going on stage. 1.00

02:08:47.000 Like, what are you motherfuckers with your phones? 1.00

02:08:49.000 Yeah, you fucking cocksuckers. 1.00

02:08:51.000 And Brian Redband would be like, why is Joey mad? 1.00

02:08:53.000 That's how Joey gets fired up.

02:08:55.000 He'll hug you when he gets off stage.

02:08:56.000 Trust me.

02:08:57.000 Just gotta let him go. 1.00

02:08:58.000 Yeah, we all got our shit. 1.00

02:09:00.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:09:01.000 Yeah.

02:09:01.000 Hell yeah.

02:09:02.000 Yeah.

02:09:03.000 But yeah, I think I'm going to get in the ring with somebody soon.

02:09:06.000 You thinking about it for real?

02:09:07.000 I'm thinking about it.

02:09:08.000 Have you ever been punched?

02:09:09.000 I'm thinking about it.

02:09:10.000 So yes, my trainer, he teaches me a lot.

02:09:13.000 He's like, if you don't keep your hands up, I'm going to sneak you.

02:09:15.000 Oh, okay.

02:09:16.000 So I got hit a couple times.

02:09:18.000 And I know a real punch hurt because he don't even hit me for real.

02:09:23.000 He'll just kind of just...

02:09:24.000 Touch you.

02:09:25.000 But it's brutal.

02:09:27.000 Yeah.

02:09:27.000 So I can't even imagine getting hit.

02:09:31.000 But I have been hit, but I ain't been hit.

02:09:33.000 Yeah, you don't want to get hit.

02:09:34.000 No. 0.50

02:09:35.000 Punk, you gotta preserve your brain.

02:09:36.000 No. 1.00

02:09:37.000 Well, I also know how to stick and fucking move. 0.99

02:09:39.000 Pap, pap, out of there. 0.99

02:09:42.000 Measure, measure, measure, pap, out of there.

02:09:44.000 I'm swinging out.

02:09:45.000 That's the most important thing.

02:09:46.000 You know, I'm not saying I ain't never gonna get hit, but I know how to get out the way.

02:09:50.000 For my money, Floyd Mayweather is the best ever.

02:09:52.000 Because he's the guy that got hit the least.

02:09:54.000 He's a defensive boxer.

02:09:58.000 I like it.

02:09:58.000 A lot of people don't like it because he is not aggressive in the ring.

02:10:03.000 He's exactly the right amount of aggressive to win.

02:10:05.000 That's what I'm saying. 0.99

02:10:06.000 He ain't coming at you like a fucking train, like Mike Tyson. 0.99

02:10:10.000 He's just chilling, chilling, chilling. 0.99

02:10:13.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:10:13.000 But I mean, when people say that, they don't understand what the fuck they're talking about. 0.99

02:10:17.000 He's defensive. 0.99

02:10:18.000 Of course he is.

02:10:19.000 He's fighting Canelo Alvarez.

02:10:20.000 Of course he is.

02:10:21.000 Yeah.

02:10:22.000 You know, he's fighting like the greatest boxers of all time.

02:10:24.000 Yeah.

02:10:24.000 Of course he's defensive.

02:10:26.000 You're supposed to be.

02:10:27.000 And he's a little man.

02:10:29.000 He's not big.

02:10:29.000 No, I wouldn't want to get hit.

02:10:32.000 You're going to always...

02:10:32.000 I'm going to be moving.

02:10:33.000 I'm going to be...

02:10:34.000 Man, look, if I'm him, I'm in the best shape of my life, I'm moving around, you ain't never going to be able to catch me in that ring.

02:10:39.000 I'm never going to stand in front of your face.

02:10:41.000 We're never going to square up.

02:10:42.000 I'm out of there.

02:10:43.000 The thing that's crazy about Floyd is he does stand right in front of your face.

02:10:45.000 Yeah, he does.

02:10:46.000 He stands right in front of your face and you still can't hit him.

02:10:49.000 That's what a wizard he is.

02:10:51.000 He's too slick.

02:10:52.000 Right, because a lot of people are really good defensive fighters like Willy Pep.

02:10:55.000 Everybody always talks about Willy Pep and Willy Pep was amazing.

02:10:57.000 He won a round without even throwing a punch.

02:11:00.000 Won a round just with his defensive prowess.

02:11:03.000 It was so impressive that he won the round.

02:11:04.000 The guy just couldn't touch him.

02:11:05.000 But Willy Pep moved around a lot.

02:11:08.000 He like moved around.

02:11:10.000 He's light on his feet.

02:11:10.000 Whereas Floyd will stand right in front of you and he just like scoots just out of the way and then he's right in front of you again.

02:11:15.000 He's shoulder rolling.

02:11:16.000 You can't hit him.

02:11:17.000 You watch some of the videos of him when he fought Canelo.

02:11:20.000 It's so impressive.

02:11:21.000 Canelo's just whiffing at the wind.

02:11:23.000 He just can't catch him.

02:11:25.000 And also...

02:11:27.000 You think you can because he ain't got his gloves on his face.

02:11:30.000 Right.

02:11:32.000 He's taunting you, though.

02:11:33.000 Yeah.

02:11:34.000 I'm like, yo, he makes me nervous because I'm like, put your hands up. 1.00

02:11:37.000 Put your fucking hands up. 0.99

02:11:38.000 He knows what he's doing. 1.00

02:11:39.000 I mean, it's just because he knows how to do it so well that he's luring people in to try to hit him.

02:11:45.000 It looks like openings are there where they're not.

02:11:47.000 And then he counters you.

02:11:48.000 I like to watch Tank fight, too.

02:11:50.000 I can't wait for his next fight.

02:11:51.000 I think it's in April.

02:11:52.000 Well, that's the Ryan Davis fight, right?

02:11:54.000 Yeah.

02:11:54.000 The Ryan Garcia fight, rather.

02:11:55.000 I can't...

02:11:56.000 That's a crazy fight.

02:11:58.000 Yeah.

02:11:58.000 That's an interesting fight.

02:11:59.000 Tank is a monster.

02:12:01.000 Yeah. 0.85

02:12:01.000 He's so different than anybody else because he doesn't throw a lot of punches. 0.85

02:12:05.000 No. 1.00

02:12:05.000 He, like, measures you until he finds out where you're open, and then once he finds out where you're open, you're fucked. 1.00

02:12:10.000 He just starts launching missiles your way. 0.99

02:12:12.000 Yeah, I enjoyed his last fight, too.

02:12:15.000 Yeah, that was crazy.

02:12:16.000 I thought that was going to be a close one, but it wasn't.

02:12:19.000 Well, it was close for a little bit because Tank fights like that. 0.85

02:12:22.000 He doesn't throw a lot of punches.

02:12:26.000 He throws the least amount of punches in the early rounds of any of the champions.

02:12:30.000 But then once he figures you out, once he sizes you up, once he finds out where your holes are and gets that timing in, it's like he's got a boxing computer in his brain.

02:12:38.000 Okay, we got all the data.

02:12:39.000 Now this dude's starting to slow down.

02:12:41.000 Let's start putting it on him.

02:12:42.000 And then he starts putting it on him.

02:12:44.000 Yeah.

02:12:44.000 And also with him, I like his, I like how humble he is as well.

02:12:50.000 He's also like, he like this, I don't know how to describe it.

02:12:52.000 He's like this humble, cocky man.

02:12:54.000 Like he knows that he can fight, but he ain't got to, he's like one of those guys, he ain't got to say it.

02:12:57.000 Right. 0.99

02:12:58.000 You know, like I would watch him in his interviews after the fight and he ain't saying, yeah, I told that motherfucker I was going, he ain't like that. 0.98

02:13:05.000 What's next for you? 0.99

02:13:06.000 Well, I got to get back in the gym.

02:13:07.000 I got to fix all the mistakes I made.

02:13:09.000 I got to clean it up.

02:13:10.000 You know, I ain't never gonna stop learning in this game.

02:13:13.000 He ain't even stunting about making a man go blind in the ring.

02:13:17.000 Yeah.

02:13:17.000 So it's just like, I just like his swag.

02:13:21.000 He's amazing.

02:13:22.000 And there's a group of guys that are in his level right now, like Shakur Stevenson and this elite level.

02:13:31.000 And we're going to find out with Ryan Garcia.

02:13:33.000 He's another one.

02:13:34.000 That guy's got the fastest left hook I've ever seen.

02:13:36.000 That's a very interesting fight.

02:13:38.000 I will say, I'm nervous about that one for Tank.

02:13:42.000 But like Tank said, he in the lab.

02:13:45.000 I'm pretty sure he's figuring it out.

02:13:47.000 There's Devin Haney.

02:13:48.000 That division is just stacked with talent.

02:13:52.000 Boxing's in a good spot right now.

02:13:53.000 It's a fun time to be a fan.

02:13:55.000 Yeah, I like it.

02:13:56.000 I'm really, really, really, really digging it.

02:13:58.000 I'm glad you're doing it.

02:13:59.000 I gotta do it, Joe.

02:14:00.000 I've been wanting to do it for so long.

02:14:03.000 And it's so crazy, too, because I thought that my hook would be...

02:14:08.000 So my trainer basically told me I'm Southpaw.

02:14:13.000 I thought I was a right-handed boxer.

02:14:16.000 He's like, no, you're a left-handed boxer.

02:14:17.000 Do you write with your left hand?

02:14:18.000 I write with my left hand.

02:14:19.000 You write with your left hand?

02:14:20.000 I do everything with my left hand.

02:14:21.000 But you fight with your left hand forward or your right hand forward?

02:14:24.000 My right hand forward.

02:14:25.000 Okay, so you fight southpaw.

02:14:26.000 Yes.

02:14:27.000 Yes.

02:14:28.000 So I thought...

02:14:31.000 I thought that my right hand was the strongest.

02:14:34.000 That's what I thought.

02:14:35.000 But my left hand is the strongest.

02:14:37.000 But I got a killer right hook, though, too. 0.99

02:14:39.000 But my left hook sucks. 0.98

02:14:41.000 But it's all in my balance. 0.98

02:14:44.000 He said, but your power is your two.

02:14:46.000 Right, your straight left.

02:14:47.000 Yeah.

02:14:48.000 So, because I was like, no, no, no, no.

02:14:51.000 I was like, my power is my right hand.

02:14:54.000 He said, no, it's your left hand.

02:14:55.000 So we got in a fight.

02:14:57.000 So he was like, what?

02:14:58.000 So he came charging at me.

02:15:00.000 And as he was charging at me, I did this to him.

02:15:02.000 He was like, you southpaw.

02:15:04.000 If you would have did this, then you would have been...

02:15:07.000 Right, because you were trying to set him up for a big left hand.

02:15:09.000 I stopped him with that.

02:15:11.000 He said, that is your jab hand.

02:15:12.000 That's how I know your power coming from here.

02:15:14.000 We know a lot of fighters, they would fight southpaw even though they were right-handed.

02:15:18.000 That was Oscar De La Hoya.

02:15:19.000 He's right-handed, but he would fight southpaw, so his strong hand would be forward.

02:15:23.000 There's different schools of thought on that.

02:15:25.000 Emmanuel Stewart did that with a lot of people.

02:15:27.000 He took guys that were natural right-handed and he put them in a southpaw stance.

02:15:32.000 Also, if you're learning from a southpaw stance, you have an advantage that most people fight orthodox.

02:15:37.000 So when you're fighting, it gives people a very...

02:15:40.000 When you fight someone who's a southpaw, it's confusing when you're boxing.

02:15:44.000 Because everything's backwards.

02:15:45.000 Yeah.

02:15:45.000 So if you're not used to it, like in the early days of boxing...

02:15:48.000 But then the best guys are guys like Terrence Crawford, who could just switch.

02:15:51.000 Or Boots Ennis, who just switch. 1.00

02:15:53.000 They just switch.

02:15:54.000 They could fight you southpaw, they could fight you orthodox, and you're like, oh Jesus. 1.00

02:15:57.000 You don't know where the fuck punches are coming from. 0.99

02:15:59.000 They're coming from everywhere. 0.99

02:16:01.000 Yeah, that's why you gotta learn how to stick and move.

02:16:03.000 Get out of there.

02:16:03.000 Back in the day, that was really rare.

02:16:05.000 Like, Marvin Hagler was the great at that.

02:16:06.000 He was like the most famous of all.

02:16:09.000 Who was it?

02:16:09.000 Marvin?

02:16:10.000 Marvin Hagler.

02:16:11.000 Marvelous Marvin Hagler.

02:16:12.000 Yeah, he was the middleweight champion.

02:16:14.000 He knocked out Tommy Hearns.

02:16:15.000 I mean, Hagler, in his time, was a destroyer.

02:16:19.000 And Hagler would fight.

02:16:20.000 He would switch it up all the time.

02:16:22.000 He'd fight orthodox.

02:16:23.000 He'd fight southpaw.

02:16:23.000 He can go back and forth.

02:16:24.000 He would throw a punch and switch stances.

02:16:26.000 It was very rare in Hagler's day that an elite world champion would switch stances so effortlessly.

02:16:34.000 But now you got like Terrence Crawford does it.

02:16:36.000 Like I said, Boots Ennis does it. 0.99

02:16:38.000 I ain't gonna say I can't do it.

02:16:40.000 I'm saying I never have, but I might.

02:16:42.000 It's a good thing to learn.

02:16:43.000 If you can learn how to do things from your left side, it actually shows you how to do things better from your right side, weirdly enough.

02:16:49.000 It actually helps you.

02:16:50.000 I'm still learning how to write with my right hand.

02:16:52.000 I can't even hold this.

02:16:55.000 Yeah.

02:16:56.000 I broke my arm once when I had to do that.

02:16:58.000 I had to learn how to write and draw with my left hand.

02:17:00.000 I mean, I think I can, but it's going to be awful.

02:17:04.000 You can.

02:17:05.000 But you have to teach your hand how to do it, which is so interesting.

02:17:08.000 Because you would think if your left hand does it so well, you would just tell your right hand to do it. 0.99

02:17:12.000 But my left hand is stupid. 1.00

02:17:14.000 It just doesn't listen good. 1.00

02:17:15.000 My right hand is like...

02:17:17.000 Exactly.

02:17:18.000 I kind of like being left-handed, though.

02:17:20.000 It's like...

02:17:22.000 You know, crazily, when I was growing up, I got bullied for being left-handed.

02:17:26.000 A lot of people do.

02:17:27.000 You know?

02:17:28.000 It's like, I was the weird one.

02:17:30.000 They used to think it was satanic.

02:17:32.000 Yeah, it's just like...

02:17:34.000 They would tell left-handed people to not use their left hand back in the day.

02:17:39.000 Now, I heard about that, but when I was in school, they didn't do that to me.

02:17:42.000 But the kids would bully me.

02:17:44.000 For being left-handed?

02:17:45.000 For being out, yes. 1.00

02:17:46.000 That's so stupid. 1.00

02:17:47.000 And for having duck feet. 1.00

02:17:49.000 Do you know I look goofy?

02:17:50.000 Because I hate boxing sometimes and watching myself because I'm so goofy. 0.88

02:17:53.000 My feet are duck feet.

02:17:55.000 And they splay out?

02:17:57.000 Yes.

02:17:57.000 And I can't get them...

02:17:58.000 You know, I'm trying to get them to stay straight.

02:18:01.000 But when I... You know, I know what happened.

02:18:03.000 I always had duck feet.

02:18:04.000 But I look so goofy when I'm boxing because I hurt my niece playing soccer...

02:18:08.000 When I was in college, I was, I don't know how to play soccer, but I was, you know, playing and I went to do a power kick and this person blocked me.

02:18:17.000 So my body went one way and my leg went the other way.

02:18:19.000 I messed my knee up.

02:18:20.000 So I just look goofy when I'm boxing, but I might use that as an advantage. 1.00

02:18:27.000 They were like, look at this goofy footed bitch. 1.00

02:18:29.000 Then I get in there and I'll whack somebody. 1.00

02:18:33.000 But I can do it, and I love it.

02:18:35.000 So you're really thinking about fighting.

02:18:36.000 It seems like you've got a plan in your head.

02:18:39.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:18:40.000 Because you're saying, you're like painting scenarios where people underestimate you and you fuck them up. 0.94

02:18:44.000 So in my mind, you're thinking about this. 0.98

02:18:46.000 I've been thinking about it for a long time.

02:18:48.000 Really?

02:18:48.000 Mm-hmm.

02:18:49.000 Okay, have one.

02:18:50.000 Please don't have a lot.

02:18:52.000 Don't get your head to break.

02:18:53.000 I really want to do celebrity boxing.

02:18:55.000 Who would you want to fight?

02:18:57.000 I don't know.

02:18:59.000 You want to call somebody out?

02:19:00.000 I probably will.

02:19:03.000 I'm going to holler at my dawg. 1.00

02:19:04.000 Sam J, what's up, bitch? 1.00

02:19:05.000 Let's fight. 1.00

02:19:07.000 Do you think, like, how much time would you need to prepare for something like that?

02:19:14.000 A month.

02:19:16.000 That's it?

02:19:17.000 Really?

02:19:17.000 I'm telling you, I'll be out here.

02:19:19.000 You're doing a lot?

02:19:20.000 How often are you boxing?

02:19:22.000 If I could do, if I can just, like, box six days a week for...

02:19:28.000 A month?

02:19:29.000 24 days, you know? 1.00

02:19:31.000 You ready to fuck somebody up? 1.00

02:19:32.000 Hell yeah! 1.00

02:19:36.000 Fucking right. 0.98

02:19:37.000 I believe you. 1.00

02:19:38.000 Short fingernails, no need to fuck around. 1.00

02:19:41.000 I would like to fight my peers, the people that I love. 1.00

02:19:44.000 Really?

02:19:45.000 Why?

02:19:45.000 I don't know.

02:19:46.000 Why do you want to hurt them? 0.99

02:19:47.000 Just because it's fun, which is, you know, just like messing around like kids, you know, just messing around with my partners and shit. 0.93

02:19:53.000 But I do be thinking about starting beef with people just to like... 0.99

02:19:56.000 Just to fuck them up? 0.99

02:19:57.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:19:58.000 Really?

02:19:58.000 Yeah.

02:19:59.000 Don't do that.

02:19:59.000 Yeah.

02:20:00.000 Especially now that you're on TV. Look, I see...

02:20:02.000 Man, look, I be watching Clarissa Fields. 0.99

02:20:04.000 I'm like, that's a big fucking... 0.99

02:20:05.000 Clarissa Shields. 0.99

02:20:06.000 What'd I say?

02:20:08.000 Clarissa Fields.

02:20:10.000 So, Mikey Davey making fun of me because I get everybody names wrong.

02:20:13.000 That's Joey Diaz's move.

02:20:15.000 There's entire videos of him saying people's names wrong.

02:20:18.000 And I say it with confidence, too.

02:20:19.000 Of course.

02:20:20.000 That's what Joey does, too.

02:20:21.000 He calls Stipe Miocce Stiopic.

02:20:24.000 Oh, yeah.

02:20:24.000 He calls him Stiopic.

02:20:26.000 He called Khabib Nurmagomedov.

02:20:27.000 He used to call him Kalabib.

02:20:29.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:20:29.000 The fucking Kalabib gets a hold of you. 1.00

02:20:31.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:20:32.000 The Kalabib.

02:20:33.000 Yeah, Kalabib.

02:20:34.000 Kalabib.

02:20:35.000 Yeah.

02:20:35.000 Yeah, I do have a name problem.

02:20:39.000 I'm going to get it together.

02:20:39.000 But that's a big...

02:20:40.000 She's big.

02:20:41.000 Her?

02:20:42.000 I wouldn't want to fight her.

02:20:43.000 You ever heard of Ann Wolfe?

02:20:44.000 Oh, is that...

02:20:45.000 Ain't she old now? 1.00

02:20:47.000 Yes.

02:20:47.000 Ann Wolfe, she used to be a trainer.

02:20:50.000 She was training people after she fought. 0.99

02:20:53.000 What's his name?

02:20:54.000 James Kirk?

02:20:55.000 The guy, he fought Canelo. 1.00

02:20:56.000 Yeah, she's a psycho. 1.00

02:20:58.000 She had the most vicious one-punch KO in women's boxing. 1.00

02:21:06.000 Look at that.

02:21:07.000 And she did a little dance after us. 1.00

02:21:09.000 That was, I mean, they had talked to a gang of shit before that fight. 1.00

02:21:12.000 And unfortunately, she talked a gang of shit to the wrong lady. 1.00

02:21:15.000 Because, you know, Ann Wolfe had, like, legit one-punch KO power. 1.00

02:21:20.000 James Kirkland, that's who it was.

02:21:22.000 And who eventually went on to fight Canelo.

02:21:25.000 But watch this.

02:21:25.000 Look at them arms.

02:21:26.000 Oh, my God.

02:21:27.000 But it's also the skill.

02:21:28.000 She's setting up this overhand right. 1.00

02:21:30.000 Looking at her dead eyes.

02:21:32.000 Mm-hmm.

02:21:34.000 Measure, measure.

02:21:35.000 And then she comes forward too predictably.

02:21:38.000 Boom! 0.99

02:21:39.000 Slip.

02:21:40.000 Oh my goodness.

02:21:41.000 Knockout.

02:21:42.000 I mean, it's like one of the greatest one-punch KOs of all time.

02:21:46.000 Phenomenal.

02:21:46.000 I mean, that's an amazing punch.

02:21:49.000 Look how jacked she was, too. 0.99

02:21:50.000 But that's one thing. 0.51

02:21:51.000 I don't want to get too jacked.

02:21:52.000 Because my problem is, I start doing too much arm work, I'll get jacked.

02:21:57.000 Yeah.

02:21:58.000 Good.

02:21:58.000 Jacked.

02:21:59.000 Hard J. That's why I keep my hair.

02:22:01.000 Because if I cut it all off, I'm going to look like a man. 1.00

02:22:05.000 I was like, I don't want to be...

02:22:07.000 I don't want to look...

02:22:08.000 I had to chill out for a second because I don't want to get that jacked.

02:22:13.000 I still want to be a little cute.

02:22:14.000 Well, that's world championship jacked.

02:22:15.000 Yeah.

02:22:16.000 That's a different thing.

02:22:17.000 I mean, that's like months and months of training camp.

02:22:19.000 Jesus.

02:22:20.000 Yeah.

02:22:21.000 And Wolf...

02:22:22.000 Yeah, I watched her a lot.

02:22:24.000 And she was one of the rare, like, female boxers that had so many guys respect that she was training men. 0.75

02:22:31.000 A lot of men.

02:22:32.000 Yeah.

02:22:33.000 I mean, the men that were willing to do her routine.

02:22:36.000 But the thing is, like, Kirkland, I don't think he wanted her to do what she wanted him to do.

02:22:40.000 And they split up.

02:22:41.000 And then he went up losing to Canelo.

02:22:42.000 But she would drive.

02:22:44.000 See if you can find Anne Wolfe's strength and conditioning James Kirkland.

02:22:51.000 I gotta get to LA. See, because there was like these strength and training routines that she would put fighters through. 1.00

02:22:57.000 Like they did not want to do what she wanted to do.

02:22:59.000 She would break you.

02:23:01.000 Like her camps were notoriously brutal.

02:23:04.000 Good.

02:23:04.000 Yeah, well that's how you become a champion.

02:23:06.000 Yeah.

02:23:06.000 That was it.

02:23:07.000 She had a no tolerance for bullshit policy when it came to training. 0.98

02:23:12.000 I want to, they have this lady, Coach Cam, out in Los Angeles. 1.00

02:23:16.000 I want to go train with her.

02:23:18.000 So here it is.

02:23:18.000 She's training James Kirkland.

02:23:24.000 Terrible sound.

02:23:26.000 Kirkland at one point in time was a top flight professional and she was his trainer.

02:23:33.000 Kirkland was a beast.

02:23:35.000 He was the recipient of one of Canelo's most impressive KOs.

02:23:40.000 That was the camp that he didn't work with.

02:23:44.000 It was just brutal.

02:23:46.000 It was a brutal KO. But it was also Canelo.

02:23:48.000 Canelo was one of the greatest of all time.

02:23:50.000 I was upset he lost his last fight.

02:23:52.000 Against Dimitri Bivol, well, he won his last fight against Triple G, but the Bivol fight, Bivol's another weight class. 0.89

02:23:58.000 I mean, Canelo's a psycho.

02:24:00.000 Just the fact that he decided to go up to 175 and fight the best at 175, fight one of the champions. 0.82

02:24:08.000 Yeah, that's a crazy fight.

02:24:09.000 They're doing a rematch.

02:24:10.000 Good.

02:24:11.000 I think that's taking place in April.

02:24:13.000 Is that what it is?

02:24:14.000 The Canelo rematch?

02:24:17.000 That'd be good.

02:24:17.000 Yeah, that's a...

02:24:19.000 I can't wait for that one.

02:24:20.000 Is that what it is?

02:24:21.000 They should do that.

02:24:22.000 They should do that in Cinco de Mayo.

02:24:23.000 Let's go.

02:24:25.000 There's Mexicans fighting in Cinco de Mayo.

02:24:27.000 Oh, yeah.

02:24:29.000 Better put a lot of security out that day.

02:24:31.000 It's going down.

02:24:33.000 Especially if he loses.

02:24:34.000 Oh, yeah.

02:24:35.000 I don't think he's going to lose this one.

02:24:37.000 You don't think so?

02:24:37.000 I don't think so.

02:24:38.000 How come?

02:24:40.000 Did it say September?

02:24:41.000 Yeah, November announcement says in September.

02:24:44.000 That's interesting.

02:24:46.000 That's interesting that they announced it in November, but I'm just hearing about it now.

02:24:51.000 Maybe there was negotiations that fell through.

02:24:54.000 But I think Canelo had to get surgery on his wrist.

02:24:57.000 That's probably why it was put off so long.

02:24:59.000 He tore something on his wrist in the Triple G fight, maybe even in camp.

02:25:05.000 Yeah, there's more updated, but I don't know.

02:25:09.000 December article says maybe in May.

02:25:13.000 Cinco de Mayo.

02:25:15.000 One of my favorite times of the year.

02:25:17.000 Yeah?

02:25:18.000 Yeah.

02:25:18.000 You fan of tequila?

02:25:19.000 Yes.

02:25:22.000 I call it my medicine.

02:25:24.000 That's what you're drinking now.

02:25:26.000 This is Ron White's tequila.

02:25:27.000 I love my Ron White.

02:25:29.000 I love Ron White too.

02:25:30.000 It's all iced up now.

02:25:34.000 Yeah, Ron's out here all the time.

02:25:36.000 I gotta hit tequila up, especially Casadoras Reposada.

02:25:42.000 I gotta hit them up.

02:25:43.000 I'm like, I love y'all.

02:25:44.000 All I drink is y'all.

02:25:46.000 Y'all need to hook a girl up. 1.00

02:25:48.000 Because I already have my little slogan and everything for them.

02:25:51.000 Oh, you have a slogan?

02:25:52.000 They have their agenda.

02:25:53.000 I have my tequila.

02:25:54.000 All is right with the world.

02:25:56.000 Ooh! 0.96

02:25:58.000 Well, I'm glad you documented on this show so they can't snatch that.

02:26:01.000 Don't let them steal that.

02:26:02.000 There you go.

02:26:03.000 That's good.

02:26:03.000 Right?

02:26:04.000 They have their agenda.

02:26:05.000 I have my tequila.

02:26:06.000 All is right with the word. 0.97

02:26:06.000 All is fucking right. 0.97

02:26:07.000 That's a good commercial. 0.98

02:26:08.000 I'm trying to tell you.

02:26:09.000 That's not bad at all.

02:26:12.000 That's pretty good.

02:26:13.000 I just want to whisper that one. 1.00

02:26:15.000 That's my shit. 1.00

02:26:19.000 But it's good. 1.00

02:26:20.000 I like some Añejo.

02:26:24.000 I don't really like too much dark stuff.

02:26:29.000 Like whiskey?

02:26:32.000 The only reason why, not taste-wise, because I would love to sip me a good whiskey or a good cognac, but I get a little crazy.

02:26:39.000 You get crazy on whiskey?

02:26:40.000 On a brown, yeah.

02:26:41.000 Really?

02:26:42.000 Interesting.

02:26:43.000 Yeah.

02:26:44.000 Just a little weird.

02:26:45.000 I always wonder if there's any science to that.

02:26:47.000 I do too.

02:26:47.000 Because people do believe that.

02:26:49.000 Well, if I drink vodka, I could get a little mean.

02:26:53.000 Tequila, I'm chilling all night.

02:26:55.000 Okay, Russians, vodka, mean.

02:26:58.000 Tequila, Mexicans, siesta, kickback. 1.00

02:27:03.000 Whiskey, I'll go home and start acting crazy. 0.91

02:27:06.000 Wild West.

02:27:07.000 When I think of whiskey, I think Wild West.

02:27:09.000 I think shootouts, Clint Eastwood movies, corks.

02:27:13.000 Pulling off the bottle of whiskey with a cork.

02:27:15.000 Gin make me emotional. 0.99

02:27:18.000 Emotional?

02:27:18.000 I'll go back down memory lane so hard on gin.

02:27:21.000 Really?

02:27:21.000 Where's gin originate from?

02:27:24.000 Is that like European? 0.84

02:27:25.000 What's gin?

02:27:27.000 I think I've had gin like twice in my life.

02:27:30.000 Can't drink gin.

02:27:31.000 I just, for whatever reason, gin and tonic seems like something I would drink before I die.

02:27:36.000 Like when I'm ready to cash it in.

02:27:39.000 I'll have a gin and tonic.

02:27:41.000 You know, I'd be like playing bridge with my neighbor.

02:27:43.000 It's like, oh no.

02:27:44.000 The Middle Ages, it says.

02:27:45.000 The Middle Ages? 0.60

02:27:46.000 In Europe?

02:27:48.000 Yep.

02:27:48.000 There you go.

02:27:49.000 So it's European. 0.80

02:27:50.000 Back in the suffering days, everybody had syphilis.

02:27:53.000 There we go.

02:27:53.000 Yeah.

02:27:54.000 So there is a science to it.

02:27:55.000 Yeah.

02:27:56.000 I wonder.

02:27:57.000 Well, you know, some people believe that psychedelics in particular, that every time you engage in it, you're not just engaging in this one individual experience, but you're sharing the experiences of everyone who's ever done those psychedelics.

02:28:10.000 Right.

02:28:12.000 Yeah.

02:28:31.000 Or vodka or whiskey, which would make sense with why people get wild with whiskey. 0.99

02:28:36.000 If you think about all the Kentucky bourbon that was made in this country where people were fucking shooting Indians and just train robberies, fucking shooting buffaloes. 0.99

02:28:44.000 I mean, whiskey has probably had some of the most violent, fucked up experiences in this country attached to it. 0.99

02:28:52.000 In the early days of this country? 1.00

02:28:55.000 Fuck! 1.00

02:28:55.000 Yeah, I gotta, yeah. 1.00

02:28:56.000 And that's why Moonshine is the crazy.

02:28:59.000 Now see, Moonshine...

02:29:01.000 You're gonna wake up in the middle of a shootout with the cops. 1.00

02:29:04.000 I am a fucking sociopath on fucking Moonshine. 1.00

02:29:08.000 I had to stop drinking Moonshine. 1.00

02:29:10.000 I'm divorced now, but I almost lost my wife when I was married when I was drinking Moonshine.

02:29:15.000 I don't know why. 0.99

02:29:16.000 I would just get fucking naked in public. 0.99

02:29:18.000 What if that's it? 1.00

02:29:19.000 What if that really is it?

02:29:20.000 What if, like, when you take in a substance, you're not just taking in that substance, but you're taking in the body of all the other people that have had that experience on that substance and you're sharing some weird vibe?

02:29:32.000 It's a crazy way of looking at it.

02:29:34.000 I know.

02:29:35.000 I mean, I'm considering that it can be a factor.

02:29:38.000 I'm thinking about it now for the first time.

02:29:40.000 I've thought about it before with mushrooms, and I've thought about it before with psychedelics.

02:29:44.000 I think there might be something to that.

02:29:46.000 Because psychedelics are so weird.

02:29:47.000 Like, when you're doing them, like, maybe that is part of what's going on here.

02:29:51.000 Maybe everyone who's ever had this experience leaves something in there.

02:29:57.000 You experience something with them.

02:29:59.000 I do want to try ayahuasca.

02:30:01.000 I'm scared of it.

02:30:03.000 I don't like when I can't control what I'm doing.

02:30:06.000 And I feel like that's something that you can't control because I've heard people that's done it.

02:30:10.000 And afterward, they love it.

02:30:12.000 But while they're dealing with it and going through it, they can't control what's happening to them.

02:30:17.000 No, you can't control the trip.

02:30:18.000 No.

02:30:19.000 You can't control DMT. You can't control mushrooms either.

02:30:21.000 And when you try to, that's when you have the bad trips.

02:30:25.000 I want to do it so much because I feel like just when you cross over to the other side of that, it's just this peace that you, this inner peace that you have within yourself that I think it might be worth it to do it.

02:30:41.000 What if you do it and you don't want to box anymore?

02:30:44.000 It's all about love to punky.

02:30:46.000 No, first of all, no.

02:30:47.000 Peace and love. 0.99

02:30:49.000 No, if that's the case, I ain't never doing that shit. 0.99

02:30:53.000 I gotta knock somebody the fuck out. 0.99

02:30:56.000 You know? 0.97

02:30:57.000 But I just...

02:30:59.000 Oh, man.

02:31:01.000 I'm scared, Joe.

02:31:02.000 You ever done it?

02:31:03.000 I have not done ayahuasca.

02:31:04.000 I've only done DMT, but I'm scheduled to do it.

02:31:07.000 Really?

02:31:07.000 Yeah.

02:31:08.000 Soon?

02:31:10.000 Are you going to film it?

02:31:11.000 No!

02:31:13.000 Somebody asked me to do something like that with mushrooms.

02:31:14.000 I'm like, that's not a thing you should do.

02:31:17.000 Well, for yourself, because I do want to see me trip.

02:31:20.000 But you don't even want to know a camera's there.

02:31:23.000 You don't want to be thinking about any other thing.

02:31:25.000 You want to get the most out of the experience, at least me personally.

02:31:29.000 And I feel like if you're filming it, you're going to be aware that there's cameras.

02:31:33.000 There's an element.

02:31:35.000 Part of psychedelics that's very important is set and setting.

02:31:40.000 Some people think that whenever you take certain psychedelics, like sacred psychedelics, like psilocybin for instance, you should have...

02:31:49.000 A very peaceful setting, and you should set it up correctly, and you should also get your mind into a good place before you do it.

02:31:56.000 Maybe do some yoga.

02:31:58.000 Don't eat anything.

02:31:59.000 Get your mind right.

02:32:00.000 Calm yourself down.

02:32:01.000 Maybe meditate and prepare yourself.

02:32:03.000 Correct.

02:32:04.000 You're going for a wild ride.

02:32:06.000 You've got to be ready to just relinquish control of the reins.

02:32:10.000 Maybe I'll try mushrooms again.

02:32:11.000 I did mushrooms once.

02:32:12.000 I was like, no, I'm not doing anything.

02:32:14.000 What happened?

02:32:15.000 I couldn't see color.

02:32:22.000 Everything was one color.

02:32:24.000 And it didn't matter what I did to my eyes, it didn't matter how much I blanked them, how long I kept my clothes and opened them.

02:32:31.000 What color was it?

02:32:32.000 Red.

02:32:33.000 How long I slapped my face.

02:32:34.000 So you were seeing red.

02:32:35.000 Yeah.

02:32:36.000 Literally seeing red.

02:32:37.000 Yes.

02:32:38.000 It was like a screen.

02:32:39.000 So instead of black and white, it was like black and red?

02:32:42.000 Yes.

02:32:43.000 Yes.

02:32:43.000 So you could see objects?

02:32:45.000 I saw everything, but everything was red.

02:32:48.000 Whoa.

02:32:48.000 And I'm just like, nah, I'm good.

02:32:51.000 How long did that last?

02:32:53.000 A couple hours.

02:32:55.000 It was a couple hours.

02:32:56.000 What else happened?

02:32:57.000 It wasn't like 24 hours.

02:32:59.000 Right.

02:33:00.000 But it was just a couple hours.

02:33:01.000 That's why I don't ever want to try acid, because I heard that that's like a 24-hour trip.

02:33:05.000 Supposedly can be.

02:33:06.000 Yeah, I don't want to...

02:33:07.000 I'm never talking about...

02:33:10.000 I've heard stories of people thinking they're drowning. 1.00

02:33:12.000 I'm like, fuck that. 1.00

02:33:14.000 Because if you think you're drowning, motherfucker, you're drowning. 1.00

02:33:18.000 I ain't doing that. 1.00

02:33:19.000 So, nah.

02:33:22.000 Mm-mm.

02:33:23.000 I just don't ever want to be in a position to where, like, I saw this movie and this guy, like, controlled, like, if you cross this guy the wrong way, I think it was called Hypnotist or something.

02:33:34.000 If you cross this guy the wrong way, he would hypnotize you and make you think that you were in a stressful situation and you could die.

02:33:43.000 Like, this one woman, the walls were closing in on her.

02:33:46.000 She was rude to him.

02:33:47.000 I made him mad.

02:33:48.000 And the walls were closing in on her in her mind, but they weren't. 1.00

02:33:53.000 And she fucking had a heart attack and died. 0.98

02:33:56.000 And I feel like sometimes a drug can do that to you and I'm not trying to go out like that. 1.00

02:34:00.000 Fuck that. 0.99

02:34:01.000 I think if you are definitely, if you have a tendency towards anxiety and paranoia and you freak out like as you're sober, that yeah, it's probably not a good thing for you. 1.00

02:34:13.000 No, I do have anxiety, but it ain't that crazy.

02:34:15.000 But the acid, I think I will freak out like that.

02:34:17.000 That's why I think ayahuasca is what I should do.

02:34:21.000 Maybe try the mushrooms again.

02:34:22.000 Maybe you got a bad batch.

02:34:23.000 I think so, right?

02:34:24.000 Where'd you get them from?

02:34:25.000 Don't say it.

02:34:25.000 Don't say it online.

02:34:26.000 Oh, no. 1.00

02:34:28.000 That bitch will kill me. 1.00

02:34:30.000 But I was also very, very young, too. 1.00

02:34:33.000 I was in my teens.

02:34:35.000 So, it's about 20 years ago.

02:34:38.000 Yeah.

02:34:39.000 It's amazing how many people do mushrooms who don't talk about it.

02:34:42.000 Yeah.

02:34:42.000 I've had so many people hit me up that, you know, you go, really?

02:34:45.000 Okay.

02:34:47.000 You do them.

02:34:48.000 Wild.

02:34:49.000 You know? 0.99

02:34:50.000 Fucking Jordan Peterson did eight grams. 0.99

02:34:53.000 Talked about it. 1.00

02:34:54.000 Eight?

02:34:54.000 Eight grams.

02:34:55.000 Yeah.

02:34:56.000 Of mushrooms?

02:34:56.000 Yeah.

02:34:58.000 In one sitting?

02:34:59.000 Yeah.

02:35:00.000 All stretched out all day.

02:35:01.000 Yeah, he talked about it.

02:35:02.000 Jesus.

02:35:02.000 What a profound experience it was.

02:35:05.000 Yeah.

02:35:06.000 The idea is the heroic dose.

02:35:09.000 The big one.

02:35:10.000 Okay.

02:35:11.000 All right.

02:35:12.000 Yeah.

02:35:12.000 A profound experience.

02:35:14.000 Yeah.

02:35:15.000 He didn't just see red.

02:35:17.000 What did you take, like a little bit?

02:35:19.000 I don't remember.

02:35:22.000 It was like a peer pressure situation.

02:35:25.000 I was very, very young.

02:35:27.000 It was like an in-crowd type. 0.98

02:35:29.000 I wasn't my own person at the time and I just fell into the pressure and I took the shit and I was already paranoid. 0.99

02:35:36.000 The problem is all that shit is not regulated. 1.00

02:35:39.000 You don't know where the fuck it's from. 1.00

02:35:41.000 It's with everything that's illegal. 0.98

02:35:42.000 That's the number one problem besides overdoses.

02:35:46.000 Overdoses are also connected to that.

02:35:49.000 No one knows what's in it.

02:35:50.000 No one knows what it is, where you got it.

02:35:51.000 You're just getting it from a guy who got it from someone else.

02:35:53.000 You don't know the supply chain.

02:35:55.000 You don't know who's growing it.

02:35:56.000 Yeah.

02:35:57.000 I don't know nothing about the legalities of mushrooms.

02:36:04.000 They're very illegal. 0.99

02:36:05.000 I had no fucking clue. 0.99

02:36:07.000 I've never heard anybody getting arrested for having mushrooms ever in my life. 0.99

02:36:11.000 Well, most people don't, honestly.

02:36:12.000 And if they do, it's like a large number of them they're trying to distribute.

02:36:15.000 But they're used therapeutically.

02:36:18.000 Like John Hopkins University did a study on them therapeutically.

02:36:20.000 They're talking about using them for veterans with PTSD and other people with PTSD therapeutically.

02:36:25.000 I think I can understand that.

02:36:26.000 Yeah, people that at the last stages of their life, it helps alleviate the tension of worrying that you're going to die.

02:36:32.000 Okay.

02:36:33.000 Yeah, there's a lot of benefits that people are showing with psychedelic therapy, and there's a company called MAPS that's exploring a lot of those, and particularly MDMA. They use MDMA for a lot of people with post-traumatic stress disorder.

02:36:46.000 I was with a friend of mine in Oklahoma.

02:36:50.000 I'll tell you who it is after.

02:36:51.000 And he, it was like, you know, of course, everybody's all stressed out.

02:36:56.000 It's like after COVID, I'm driving out the country.

02:36:58.000 I mean, across the country to get to New Orleans.

02:37:00.000 I stopped in Oklahoma with one of my friends.

02:37:03.000 And the whole time he's like, I need MDMA. And I don't know too much about it.

02:37:07.000 I'm like, what the fuck is MDMA? He's like, I need it. 0.98

02:37:09.000 I gotta find it.

02:37:10.000 So we go out. 0.98

02:37:12.000 Oklahoma didn't give a fuck about COVID. Two months after COVID hit, we go out to this blazing hot nightclub. 0.97

02:37:18.000 I mean, it is lit.

02:37:20.000 No mask, no vaccine was even thought of at the time. 0.99

02:37:23.000 People don't give a fuck. 0.99

02:37:25.000 We happy. 0.97

02:37:26.000 We all out with the people. 1.00

02:37:27.000 You know, I'm like, fuck it. 1.00

02:37:29.000 We sick now. 1.00

02:37:30.000 Shit, I'm just gonna call it. 1.00

02:37:31.000 We got COVID. Fuck it. 1.00

02:37:32.000 We here. 1.00

02:37:32.000 This motherfucker disappears. 1.00

02:37:34.000 Okay? 1.00

02:37:35.000 He's gone.

02:37:36.000 I call my homeboy.

02:37:37.000 I'm like, we can't find, let's call him Brian.

02:37:39.000 We can't find Brian.

02:37:41.000 So we all go outside.

02:37:42.000 We looking for Brian.

02:37:43.000 Brian ain't nowhere to be found.

02:37:44.000 We roll around the block.

02:37:45.000 We come.

02:37:46.000 Oh my God, we can't find Brian.

02:37:47.000 Finally, we find Brian in this parking lot buying MDMA from these, like, it's like six black dudes with tattoos all in his face. 0.99

02:37:58.000 And mind you, the way he looked, he did not belong over there with those black guys. 1.00

02:38:03.000 And the black guy, I walk up to him, I'm like, Brian, what are you doing? 0.95

02:38:07.000 He's like, MDMA. And the black guy, he looks at me, he was like, he gave him the drugs, he's like, hurry up and get this motherfucker away from me. 1.00

02:38:14.000 I was like, okay. 1.00

02:38:15.000 So we get him away from him, and we go to my Jeep, and then my friend, he's talking shit to these black dudes, calling them all kinds of blah, blah, blahs. 0.99

02:38:24.000 And I'm like, what are you doing? 1.00

02:38:26.000 Shut the fuck up! 1.00

02:38:26.000 You're gonna get us killed! 1.00

02:38:28.000 And... 0.97

02:38:28.000 The dudes came over and he was like, you're lucky y'all came out here to get him. 0.97

02:38:32.000 Because if he were to say one more fucking thing, we would have whipped his ass. 1.00

02:38:35.000 And he looked up and said, one more fucking thing. 1.00

02:38:38.000 Next thing I know, these dudes, next thing I know, his ass got knocked the fuck out. 1.00

02:38:46.000 I mean, I'm talking about knocked out to his nose in the ground. 1.00

02:38:51.000 Look like he's planking, right?

02:38:54.000 So these dudes that attacked him, I'm telling you, they was raised by their grandmother or someone sweet because they could have attacked us too. 1.00

02:39:02.000 They just got his ass. 0.99

02:39:03.000 They was like, y'all ain't doing nothing. 1.00

02:39:04.000 We're just going to beat his ass. 0.99

02:39:05.000 So we trying to pick him up, but we gave him a worse concussion because that dead weight was so heavy. 1.00

02:39:11.000 We pick him up.

02:39:13.000 He busts all his face open again.

02:39:16.000 So finally, we get some help.

02:39:18.000 We put him in a Jeep.

02:39:20.000 And after about 20 minutes, he wakes up.

02:39:25.000 He wakes up.

02:39:26.000 I had all my clothes in the back. 0.96

02:39:27.000 I got, like, my underwear wrapped around his bloody face. 0.96

02:39:30.000 Oh, no. 0.55

02:39:30.000 And he's like, what is this? 0.55

02:39:31.000 What is this? 1.00

02:39:32.000 We're like, you stupid motherfucker. 1.00

02:39:34.000 You got knocked out, you dumb bitch. 1.00

02:39:36.000 You could have got us killed. 1.00

02:39:37.000 And he said, who got knocked out? 0.98

02:39:38.000 I got knocked out?

02:39:40.000 Oh, no. 1.00

02:39:42.000 We're like, you know you got knocked the fuck out if you don't remember being knocked the fuck out. 0.99

02:39:46.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:39:47.000 It was, I'm like, it must have was worth it.

02:39:51.000 Probably not.

02:39:52.000 Probably that could have been avoided. 1.00

02:39:54.000 Oh no, he still had the fucking pills in him. 1.00

02:39:58.000 Death clutch. 1.00

02:39:59.000 Buys alcohol. 1.00

02:40:01.000 That motherfucker ain't dropping out of one. 1.00

02:40:03.000 Oh god. 1.00

02:40:05.000 I'm like, alright.

02:40:06.000 Listen to this podcast so I can find out who that is.

02:40:08.000 Oh, not a problem. 1.00

02:40:11.000 You're gonna fucking die laughing, man. 0.99

02:40:13.000 I appreciate you very much. 0.98

02:40:14.000 And it's beautiful to see you succeed.

02:40:15.000 I'm very, very happy for you.

02:40:17.000 I think it's awesome.

02:40:18.000 I appreciate it.

02:40:19.000 This is one thing I could cross off my bucket list.

02:40:20.000 This was a dream come true being on the show.

02:40:22.000 Thank you for that.

02:40:22.000 My friend, congratulations.

02:40:24.000 Yes, sir.

02:40:24.000 Thank you very much.

02:40:25.000 Bye, everybody.

02:40:25.000 Bye.

The Joe Rogan Experience - February 07, 2023

Joe Rogan Experience #1937 - Punkie Johnson

Episode Stats

Summary

Transcript