The Joe Rogan Experience - February 23, 2023


Joe Rogan Experience #1946 - Protect Our Parks 7

Topics
Belfast cars armored roleplaying MAGA hats at Mar-a-Lago Mar-a-Lago False Flag Gulf of Tonkin incident Kanye Adidas partnership rumors Vietnam War Memorial Museum propaganda Jackass FBI involvement in protests Occupy Wall Street protests mushrooms and Molly combinations movies Fifty Shades of Grey pissing in public Jon heavyweight fight Stipe vs. Jones fight Conor McGregor promotion money scoring system IV use in UFC fights Skankfest Brooklyn Naked Rose AIDS commercials
Hosted by
Joe Rogan
Guests
Protect Our Parks 7
Mentioned
Mark Norman Nate Diaz Jamie Volkanovski Jesus Christ Alex Jones Spooky Sarah Jessica Parker Kanye Carlos Mencia Steve-O Joe Rogan Podcast Anderson Silva Jerry Seinfeld Donald Trump Biden Iblis Dude Whippet Cartridge John Blumenthal John Ashcroft and 130 more
Joe Rogan Experience #1945 - Eric Weinstein Joe Rogan Experience #1947 - Chris Distefano

Episode Stats


Length

3 hours and 36 minutes

Words per minute

197.88

Word count

42,811

Sentence count

7,291

Harmful content

Misogyny

310

sentences flagged

Toxicity

2,083

sentences flagged

Hate speech

222

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

Comedian Joe Rogan is back from a night out in Key West, Florida. He talks about his trip to the strip club, how he got into drugs, and what it's like to be a stand-up comedian in the big city. He also talks about how he almost got into a fight with a woman at a strip club. And, of course, he talks about why he doesn t care about the future, and why he wants to move from Texas to Florida. Joe is a comedian, writer, and podcaster from Los Angeles, California. He's been in comedy for a long time and has a great sense of humor, which makes him perfect for this episode. He's also a good friend of mine, and I think he's one of the funniest people I've ever met. I hope you enjoy this episode, and if you like it, please leave us a review on Apple Podcasts and tell a friend about it. We'd love to hear what you think of it! XOXO, Joe xoxo Music by Jeff Kaale ( ) Logo by Courtney DeKorte ( ) Artwork by Ian Dorsch ( ) Music by Kevin McLeod ( ) Editor by Will Witwer ( ) and Alex Blumberg ( ) Produced by Matt Knott ( ) Audio Engineer by Matthew Boll ( ) Additional mixing and mastering by Ian McKellen ( ) Logo by Will McElroy ( ) Thanks to Ian McKee ( ) for the production assistance ( ) Thank you for the intro and Outro music ( ) by Joe Roganservice ( ) by Jake Miller ( and Mark ( , ) and by ( & ) ( ) & is by ) ( ) ( ), and , and . in this episode ( and ) is & ( ) is a tribute to on this episode's music is by Brian ( ) . (and , is . . and our logo by . ) and the . ( ) in this week's cover art by , ( ) , ( ] ) is (featuring . , , & ( ), / ( & , , ) in the song ? ( ) or # ( . & . ) on the song( )

Transcript

Transcripts from "The Joe Rogan Experience" are sourced from the Knowledge Fight Interactive Search Tool. Explore them interactively here.
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
Topics generated with Qwen2.5-3B-Instruct.
Hosts, guests, and mentioned names generated with spaCy (en_core_web_sm), reconciled against Wikidata.
00:00:01.000 Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out!
00:00:04.000 The Joe Rogan Experience.
00:00:06.000 Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day.
00:00:12.000 You took heroin?
00:00:13.000 Yes!
00:00:15.000 Yes!
00:00:15.000 We're up.
00:00:16.000 I'm the only one without sunglasses. 1.00
00:00:18.000 What the fuck? 0.99
00:00:19.000 It's just easy to hide behind something. 1.00
00:00:20.000 I'm here alone.
00:00:20.000 No sunglasses.
00:00:23.000 You gotta get them, bro.
00:00:24.000 They're in my car.
00:00:25.000 I'm not going.
00:00:26.000 Call one of your goons.
00:00:29.000 Alright, give them yours.
00:00:30.000 Yours are cool.
00:00:30.000 Mine are cool.
00:00:31.000 Joe would look cool in those, too.
00:00:32.000 Those are like Bosworth glasses.
00:00:34.000 Joe, try those on.
00:00:34.000 I live in Florida.
00:00:37.000 I was in Key West.
00:00:39.000 Oh yeah, with that bald head? 1.00
00:00:40.000 You fucking bring someone to justice, man! 1.00
00:00:42.000 Fuck yeah, bro! 1.00
00:00:43.000 You look like a bounty hunter. 1.00
00:00:44.000 Like a video game boss.
00:00:49.000 Fun times last night, boys.
00:00:51.000 Oh yeah, good show.
00:00:52.000 We stayed too late.
00:00:54.000 Yeah, it was a little late.
00:00:56.000 I got home, I've been requiring myself to write for at least one hour when I get home.
00:01:00.000 Finally writing.
00:01:01.000 I get to bed till four in the morning.
00:01:03.000 Holy hell.
00:01:03.000 So you got home and wrote?
00:01:05.000 Wrote.
00:01:06.000 That's crazy. 1.00
00:01:07.000 Damn. 0.99
00:01:09.000 So what do you write your best? 1.00
00:01:10.000 I do it at night sometimes at bars.
00:01:12.000 Sometimes when I just get off stage, your juices are still flowing.
00:01:18.000 Sure.
00:01:20.000 It's like every now and then you get the one jam out of ten.
00:01:24.000 Just one little idea, one little spark.
00:01:27.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00
00:01:28.000 Come on, pussies. 1.00
00:01:28.000 Get in there. 1.00
00:01:29.000 It's not shady.
00:01:29.000 Well, we got like seven different drugs going around.
00:01:31.000 Whatever, allegedly.
00:01:35.000 Don't be scared of the future.
00:01:37.000 What about a cigar?
00:01:39.000 You want a cigar?
00:01:39.000 Please.
00:01:40.000 I'm alright.
00:01:42.000 Alright.
00:01:42.000 No Shane.
00:01:44.000 No Shane in that?
00:01:45.000 Yep.
00:01:47.000 Hey.
00:01:47.000 Don't fat Shane.
00:01:49.000 There's a tour.
00:01:50.000 No Shane in that?
00:01:50.000 Just like you canceling gigs?
00:01:53.000 What?
00:01:54.000 No Shane in that tour?
00:01:56.000 Oh yeah, he loves titles.
00:01:58.000 I don't like them.
00:02:01.000 Oh, grazie.
00:02:01.000 Come up with a name.
00:02:02.000 Names are tough.
00:02:04.000 Yep.
00:02:04.000 What about when you have a kid?
00:02:06.000 You've got to name that thing forever.
00:02:07.000 I saw Buffett.
00:02:08.000 It was a second wind tour.
00:02:09.000 A lot of old people. 1.00
00:02:11.000 Jimmy Buffett?
00:02:11.000 Second wind tour is a great name.
00:02:13.000 Second wind tour.
00:02:13.000 For that, it is.
00:02:14.000 It made me realize names of tours are cool.
00:02:16.000 He's underrated.
00:02:17.000 I'd go the opposite way. 1.00
00:02:18.000 Damn. 0.99
00:02:19.000 Three songs I knew. 0.99
00:02:21.000 I like mine with lettuce and tomatoes.
00:02:24.000 That's great.
00:02:24.000 That's one of them.
00:02:25.000 That's all you need, dude.
00:02:27.000 Yeah, pop top.
00:02:29.000 Come on.
00:02:31.000 Stepped on a pop top.
00:02:34.000 What is that?
00:02:35.000 Something in my heart.
00:02:37.000 What's a pop top?
00:02:38.000 You know, like a...
00:02:39.000 Convertible?
00:02:39.000 You pop a bottle.
00:02:40.000 It's a Florida movie.
00:02:41.000 But he stepped on it?
00:02:42.000 It's Florida music.
00:02:43.000 He stepped on it.
00:02:44.000 He's drunk in his apartment.
00:02:45.000 It's wholesome.
00:02:47.000 Yeah.
00:02:47.000 It's like it's passable.
00:02:49.000 Can I get the circumcision?
00:02:51.000 Florida's a good place.
00:02:52.000 I was just down there. 1.00
00:02:53.000 Oh, shit. 0.99
00:02:54.000 I'd like to be there. 1.00
00:02:55.000 That's amazing.
00:02:56.000 How about it, guys?
00:02:57.000 Let's move to Florida.
00:02:58.000 Let's start this over.
00:02:59.000 Florida's where you move to when everything goes terrible.
00:03:02.000 Key West.
00:03:03.000 If everything goes bad in Texas, you move to Florida.
00:03:05.000 If Beto O'Rourke becomes governor...
00:03:08.000 What?
00:03:09.000 He's got a skateboard.
00:03:10.000 He does, I'm sure.
00:03:12.000 And everything slides into oblivion, you go to Florida.
00:03:15.000 Florida's like the last stand before you just move to South America.
00:03:18.000 And Key West is the last of Florida.
00:03:19.000 Exactly.
00:03:20.000 Before you get a compound in Mexico, you go to Florida. 1.00
00:03:23.000 Key West is the jizz coming out of the dick. 1.00
00:03:26.000 That's it. 1.00
00:03:27.000 It's over.
00:03:28.000 Right on the bottom.
00:03:28.000 I've never been to Key West.
00:03:31.000 It's an escape.
00:03:33.000 Is there a good club there?
00:03:34.000 There's a small club, Key West Comedy.
00:03:36.000 Yeah, is it good?
00:03:37.000 It's great.
00:03:37.000 Yeah?
00:03:38.000 90 people.
00:03:38.000 You do it?
00:03:39.000 I just did it. 1.00
00:03:40.000 Oh, no shit. 1.00
00:03:40.000 Spend a week there. 1.00
00:03:41.000 Nice.
00:03:42.000 Do two shows.
00:03:42.000 Nice.
00:03:43.000 Jet ski.
00:03:44.000 Jet ski, bike everywhere.
00:03:46.000 Leather lady. 1.00
00:03:47.000 The people there must be just so fucking loose. 0.99
00:03:49.000 They're devoid of any sort of fashion or trying to stick with anybody. 0.97
00:03:54.000 I saw three cops in action, and all of them were trying to get an old lady from the street to the sidewalk. 0.83
00:04:00.000 Yeah!
00:04:01.000 She's like, you're too drunk at 4pm.
00:04:02.000 Please, ma'am.
00:04:03.000 Please, can you go to the sidewalk?
00:04:05.000 Did you go to Hemingway's house?
00:04:07.000 Went to Hemingway's house.
00:04:07.000 Yeah, that's pretty neat.
00:04:08.000 You see all the cats with thumbs?
00:04:10.000 Yes!
00:04:10.000 The one has seven.
00:04:11.000 That's great.
00:04:12.000 They just have like...
00:04:13.000 How does that happen?
00:04:14.000 Breeding.
00:04:15.000 Is it overbreeding?
00:04:16.000 Breeding them on purpose.
00:04:18.000 Inbreeding.
00:04:18.000 Oh, on purpose.
00:04:19.000 To make those thumbs.
00:04:20.000 No.
00:04:20.000 Hemingway cats.
00:04:21.000 Yeah.
00:04:21.000 Yeah.
00:04:22.000 It's pretty great.
00:04:23.000 That's Hemingway's cats.
00:04:23.000 Yeah, we touched them.
00:04:24.000 Pet them. 0.99
00:04:25.000 No shit. 1.00
00:04:26.000 Yeah, they're everywhere. 0.99
00:04:26.000 It's pretty fun. 0.99
00:04:27.000 That's scary.
00:04:27.000 Look how big that is.
00:04:28.000 Is there like a tour of his house you do?
00:04:29.000 Yeah.
00:04:30.000 It's awesome. 0.60
00:04:31.000 Typewriters there and shit, like that kind of deal? 0.99
00:04:32.000 That's why I killed himself. 1.00
00:04:34.000 That's scary cats.
00:04:35.000 Look at the hands on that thing. 1.00
00:04:37.000 All the concussions he has.
00:04:38.000 That is crazy.
00:04:38.000 Yeah, it's nuts.
00:04:39.000 Oh, he had a shit ton of concussions, right? 0.97
00:04:41.000 Yeah. 0.94
00:04:42.000 Really?
00:04:42.000 Yeah, and they're like, this might have also led his...
00:04:44.000 CT? Yeah.
00:04:46.000 Yeah, he was in war, he was boxing.
00:04:49.000 Oh, yeah.
00:04:49.000 Getting knocked out all the time.
00:04:51.000 Can't tell, because I loved Hemingway, but he also seems kind of like a douche.
00:04:54.000 I think he believed who he was.
00:04:56.000 There's a part of that that's annoying, where he's like, I'll fight anybody on this island. 0.98
00:05:00.000 It's like, shut up, author. 0.98
00:05:01.000 We're all just drinking. 1.00
00:05:02.000 Shut up, dork. 1.00
00:05:05.000 Go play with your cats. 1.00
00:05:07.000 Isn't that funny?
00:05:08.000 Some guys are intellectuals.
00:05:09.000 They feel like they have to do something like that to be legit.
00:05:12.000 Yeah.
00:05:13.000 Get knocked out.
00:05:14.000 Yeah.
00:05:15.000 He loved, like, yeah, bullfighting.
00:05:17.000 Oh, yeah.
00:05:19.000 You hear that, Neil deGrasse?
00:05:20.000 What about Neil deGrasse?
00:05:22.000 He's a wrestler.
00:05:23.000 Oh, yeah.
00:05:23.000 Yeah, he wrestles.
00:05:24.000 He was a beast, though, wasn't he?
00:05:25.000 He was a wrestler in high school college.
00:05:27.000 Yeah.
00:05:28.000 Yeah, he was fit. 0.99
00:05:29.000 That'd be a bummer to get your ass whooped by Neil deGrasse. 0.99
00:05:32.000 I would. 1.00
00:05:32.000 Start talking shit to him. 1.00
00:05:34.000 That's that old school barrel chest. 1.00
00:05:35.000 He looks like he wears a unitard to the beach.
00:05:38.000 When men ate mostly oats, they looked like that.
00:05:41.000 Oats?
00:05:42.000 That was part of this nutritious breakfast.
00:05:43.000 Looks like Orson Welles.
00:05:45.000 He really does. 1.00
00:05:46.000 They all ate oats and grits and shit. 1.00
00:05:48.000 But he got laid quite a bit. 1.00
00:05:50.000 Did he? 1.00
00:05:50.000 He fucked. 1.00
00:05:50.000 Oh, man. 1.00
00:05:51.000 He fucked everybody. 1.00
00:05:52.000 Getting rid of wives. 1.00
00:05:53.000 Every wife he cheated on with his next wife.
00:05:55.000 Jesus.
00:05:56.000 Why marry again? 1.00
00:05:58.000 Because he's a dummy. 0.99
00:06:01.000 I mean, after this one's over, I probably won't do it again. 0.97
00:06:04.000 These guys get romantic.
00:06:07.000 What do you got here?
00:06:08.000 Some 18-year-old scotch, sir.
00:06:10.000 Oh, too old for me.
00:06:11.000 Let's go.
00:06:12.000 Let's go.
00:06:13.000 Hey.
00:06:14.000 Thank you.
00:06:14.000 You want some?
00:06:15.000 Don't be a pussy. 1.00
00:06:16.000 All right, to the camera one. 1.00
00:06:17.000 Oh, you're into that.
00:06:19.000 That's it.
00:06:21.000 That's all we have to do.
00:06:22.000 Done.
00:06:22.000 Gentlemen, I look forward to this more than almost there it is.
00:06:26.000 Hey.
00:06:26.000 So much fun.
00:06:28.000 Hey.
00:06:28.000 Those parks are going away.
00:06:30.000 Hey. 0.99
00:06:33.000 I do fucking hate parks. 0.99
00:06:35.000 Oh, yeah. 0.99
00:06:35.000 We've done nothing to protect them. 0.99
00:06:37.000 We're flying down and Ari's like... 0.99
00:06:38.000 You talking about Rosa?
00:06:39.000 When we get there...
00:06:41.000 There's more parks to be saved?
00:06:44.000 No, I just wanted to go on a hike.
00:06:45.000 No, we're flying down.
00:06:46.000 He's like, what time do you land?
00:06:48.000 Me and Norman were on the same flight.
00:06:49.000 He's like, what time do you land?
00:06:50.000 Let's get in.
00:06:50.000 We'll get a hike in before the show.
00:06:52.000 I'm like, dude, shut the fuck up. 1.00
00:06:53.000 It's winter in New York. 1.00
00:06:56.000 Oh, that's right.
00:06:57.000 You guys are freezing up there.
00:06:58.000 You can just sit outside and have a cocktail.
00:07:00.000 Yeah, go outside by the lake.
00:07:02.000 Hang out, watch the canoes roll by.
00:07:04.000 It's beautiful.
00:07:05.000 Beautiful.
00:07:05.000 Yeah, you want to go inland into the city.
00:07:07.000 Yeah, I had to buy deodorant.
00:07:09.000 You're like, let's walk by the river. 0.99
00:07:11.000 Then we walk by the river, there's fucking just homeless dudes living. 0.99
00:07:14.000 Yep. 1.00
00:07:15.000 In the fucking mud. 1.00
00:07:17.000 Fucking hell. 1.00
00:07:18.000 Sinking in. 1.00
00:07:19.000 I know.
00:07:19.000 Doesn't it bother you how much Ari loves, like, nature?
00:07:23.000 It's so annoying.
00:07:24.000 Well, when you live in Manhattan, you need it.
00:07:26.000 It's like a drug.
00:07:27.000 You need to go get your drug.
00:07:28.000 I want to walk in the park.
00:07:29.000 Go to the park.
00:07:29.000 Let's go to the park and just sit in the grass.
00:07:31.000 Shut the fuck up, dude. 1.00
00:07:33.000 He's got to be in the ground soon with his age. 1.00
00:07:35.000 He's got to connect.
00:07:37.000 That's right.
00:07:37.000 Get used to it.
00:07:38.000 Have you ever seen a coyote in Central Park?
00:07:40.000 No, I've seen them in LA. Have you?
00:07:42.000 Apparently they have them in Central Park now.
00:07:43.000 What?
00:07:44.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:07:44.000 There's all these photos of coyotes in Central Park.
00:07:46.000 Coyote?
00:07:47.000 Maybe like the homeless.
00:07:49.000 They're a weird animal.
00:07:50.000 Like as they get persecuted, they move out and branch out their territory. 0.99
00:07:54.000 It's like Jews. 1.00
00:07:55.000 Yeah, I was going to say.
00:07:56.000 It reminds me of something.
00:07:57.000 Yeah.
00:07:57.000 Well, they were attacked by the gray wolves.
00:08:00.000 The gray wolves and them are not related.
00:08:02.000 They're like the one animal, like when they have kai wolves, like when a coyote and a wolf breed, it's always a red wolf. 0.99
00:08:09.000 So it's an eastern wolf. 1.00
00:08:10.000 So the western wolves, the gray wolves, the ones that they killed off, and then they're bringing them back because they're idiots. 1.00
00:08:15.000 They're bringing them back from Canada, like reintroducing wolves. 1.00
00:08:19.000 Letting them out in Manhattan.
00:08:19.000 It's such a terrible idea.
00:08:21.000 But the gray wolves used to kill the coyotes.
00:08:23.000 So the coyotes, when the wolves were killing them, they would have more babies.
00:08:27.000 So the females, whenever they do roll call and they scream out in the night, if one of them is missing, it causes the female to have extra pups. 0.97
00:08:34.000 No.
00:08:35.000 Yeah, there's a great book called Coyote America by Dan Flores.
00:08:39.000 I had him on the podcast.
00:08:40.000 They're an amazing animal.
00:08:42.000 I love the roll call.
00:08:42.000 You hear it when they get something, they all like...
00:08:44.000 I just saved my cat from some coyotes.
00:08:47.000 Really?
00:08:48.000 Yeah, did I ever say this on here? 0.97
00:08:49.000 Lay it on me, fatty.
00:08:51.000 No, I was just sitting at my parents' house. 1.00
00:08:52.000 All of a sudden, I heard some fucking dogs screaming in the backyard. 1.00
00:08:55.000 I'd never heard that shit. 1.00
00:08:56.000 They were just in my parents' backyard screaming. 1.00
00:08:59.000 And I went outside, and they were circling my cat.
00:09:01.000 I had to run out there and pick him up. 1.00
00:09:04.000 What a pussy. 1.00
00:09:04.000 I was like out there like, get out of here! 1.00
00:09:07.000 Go on, get! 0.98
00:09:08.000 Like screaming at these dogs.
00:09:09.000 I watched a coyote jump over my back fence with a chicken in its mouth.
00:09:13.000 Jumped over my fence.
00:09:14.000 It was like, you know, I guess like a six foot high fence.
00:09:17.000 Jumped over it like it was nothing.
00:09:19.000 Just bing to the top of the fence, paws on the top, over the fence.
00:09:24.000 That's awesome.
00:09:24.000 Just let me know.
00:09:26.000 This fence is bullshit. 1.00
00:09:27.000 This fence is doing zero. 1.00
00:09:29.000 My dog has zero chance of getting out.
00:09:32.000 But these coyotes just go in and out like it's nothing.
00:09:36.000 It's wild, man.
00:09:38.000 See how agile?
00:09:39.000 They're little wolves.
00:09:39.000 They're wolves that live amongst us.
00:09:41.000 They're just a small wolf.
00:09:42.000 Yeah, I didn't know they were in Central Park, I guess.
00:09:44.000 They're everywhere.
00:09:44.000 They're in every single city in the country.
00:09:46.000 What do they do?
00:09:47.000 Borough?
00:09:47.000 Look at them.
00:09:47.000 Wow.
00:09:48.000 Look at that.
00:09:48.000 They're cute.
00:09:49.000 Someone's roof?
00:09:50.000 They're pretty.
00:09:50.000 Yeah, someone's roof.
00:09:51.000 But they're everywhere.
00:09:52.000 That's Bushwick.
00:09:53.000 So this is only within...
00:09:54.000 Oh, that's a Photoshop.
00:09:55.000 This is only within the last...
00:09:57.000 Oh, no, it's not.
00:09:58.000 That's just a perspective shot.
00:10:00.000 Oh, really?
00:10:01.000 Yeah, that's a roof.
00:10:02.000 It's on a roof looking over.
00:10:04.000 It's pretty crazy.
00:10:05.000 You thought he was on the street?
00:10:06.000 Yeah.
00:10:07.000 It's like a giant wolf about to eat the lady. 1.00
00:10:10.000 Like, what?
00:10:11.000 It's on a roof.
00:10:13.000 I guess that's the same coyote.
00:10:15.000 But there's rats galore out there.
00:10:17.000 That's snacks all day.
00:10:18.000 Well, that's what they do in L.A. They clean up the rats in L.A. They're a reason why we're not infested.
00:10:25.000 You think about all the fucking garbage that's on the floor in L.A., on the streets. 1.00
00:10:29.000 Animals in the city is jarring. 1.00
00:10:30.000 You see those monkeys?
00:10:32.000 Yeah, they're fun.
00:10:33.000 Is that in Florida?
00:10:35.000 When I was with Stan Hope, me and him were drinking.
00:10:39.000 We'd go around walking around at night. 0.99
00:10:40.000 There'd be fucking javelinas everywhere. 1.00
00:10:42.000 Javelinas killed his neighbor's dog. 1.00
00:10:44.000 They fucked up his neighbor's dog. 1.00
00:10:46.000 It's this wild pig that's blind. 1.00
00:10:48.000 It's fucking crazy. 1.00
00:10:49.000 They don't have such good vision, but neither do regular wild pigs. 1.00
00:10:52.000 Oh, really?
00:10:53.000 Yeah, they operate by smell mostly.
00:10:55.000 Smell and sound.
00:10:57.000 They don't see very well.
00:10:58.000 If you pause, like if you're sneaking up on one, you just pause, they give up on looking at you.
00:11:02.000 And then they start eating the ground.
00:11:03.000 Whoa! 0.71
00:11:04.000 Yeah, those boys are running around.
00:11:06.000 It's pretty fun.
00:11:06.000 I shot one of those in South Texas a couple months ago.
00:11:08.000 I bet they taste good.
00:11:09.000 They turned into chorizo.
00:11:10.000 Hell yeah.
00:11:11.000 Yeah, I have Javolino chorizo.
00:11:13.000 So beautiful.
00:11:14.000 Yeah, the little ones are great.
00:11:16.000 They're a weird animal, man. 0.57
00:11:17.000 They're not really a pig.
00:11:18.000 It's called a peccary. 0.99
00:11:19.000 It's like a cousin to a pig. 0.99
00:11:22.000 Crazy teeth, man. 1.00
00:11:24.000 Their teeth sharpen as they open and close their mouth. 0.59
00:11:26.000 What do you mean?
00:11:27.000 Their teeth rub against each other like two blades, like sharpening.
00:11:30.000 They're razor sharp teeth.
00:11:33.000 It's crazy. 1.00
00:11:34.000 Damn. 1.00
00:11:34.000 Yeah, that's what their teeth look like. 1.00
00:11:36.000 I hope Stanhope gets killed by javelinos. 1.00
00:11:39.000 Just drunk walking in a dumb suit. 1.00
00:11:41.000 That's a real possibility, man. 1.00
00:11:44.000 Slash Lewis.
00:11:45.000 If it's not them, it's the cartel.
00:11:46.000 Oh, no. 1.00
00:11:47.000 Just fucking pigs. 1.00
00:11:49.000 Not my suit. 1.00
00:11:50.000 What the hell?
00:11:51.000 I can't reach my cigarette. 0.97
00:11:53.000 Don't spill the Mai Tai. 0.99
00:11:56.000 I was in a safari, and a leopard walked by the jeep, and I went, holy shit. 0.99
00:12:01.000 Oh! 1.00
00:12:02.000 And we were like, and he was salivating like crazy, and then 20 seconds later in a bush you hear, and he went and fucked it. 1.00
00:12:11.000 No, he was in heat. 1.00
00:12:12.000 Yeah.
00:12:13.000 Wow.
00:12:16.000 That was a mating call.
00:12:17.000 Wow, what a weird mating call.
00:12:21.000 I've tried.
00:12:21.000 It doesn't work.
00:12:22.000 That's the end.
00:12:23.000 But Safari's crazy because the lions will walk right by you. 1.00
00:12:26.000 Fuck that. 1.00
00:12:27.000 And they just know not to eat you. 1.00
00:12:28.000 Did you ever see that video of the lady?
00:12:30.000 She's trying to take photos from the car with the windows rolled down, and the cat reaches in and grabs her and pulls her out of the car.
00:12:37.000 Pull it up! 0.91
00:12:38.000 It's in Africa. 0.84
00:12:38.000 It's a lady. 0.84
00:12:39.000 She's in the backseat of a car, and they tell you to keep your windows rolled up.
00:12:43.000 And she just decides to roll it down to take photos, and this lion just pulls her out of the car.
00:12:48.000 Whoa! 0.71
00:12:48.000 You saw the one with the Asian guy screaming at his wife. 0.71
00:12:51.000 She gets out of the car. 1.00
00:12:53.000 She gets out of the car in a fucking tiger park to scream. 1.00
00:12:56.000 And so she gets jagged. 1.00
00:12:58.000 She gets grabbed by this fucking tiger. 0.99
00:13:00.000 And then the mom comes out to try to save her. 1.00
00:13:03.000 And the mom gets killed.
00:13:04.000 So she lived.
00:13:05.000 And then the husband starts to get out.
00:13:07.000 I'm like, oh, nah, I'm free actually. 0.99
00:13:09.000 Damn. 0.99
00:13:10.000 He should just push her. 1.00
00:13:11.000 Do we have, is that a video?
00:13:13.000 Yeah, it's a video.
00:13:14.000 It's horrible.
00:13:15.000 When you see, like, cats can't help themselves, man.
00:13:17.000 If they see you outside, here it is.
00:13:19.000 So this is the tiger in the... 1.00
00:13:21.000 She's like, you motherfucker, I fucking told you, I saw your DMs. 1.00
00:13:25.000 So she gets out of the car. 1.00
00:13:27.000 He's like, what are you doing?
00:13:28.000 Gets all the way around to yell at him.
00:13:31.000 So she's yelling, and other people are stopping, and then you realize, out of nowhere, too late.
00:13:37.000 Like, instantaneously.
00:13:38.000 So he runs after it, and then the mom gets out, and she's the one who gets killed.
00:13:43.000 Oh, he can't hang out with the mom.
00:13:44.000 So that lady gets killed. 1.00
00:13:45.000 But she's trying to protect her child, man. 0.99
00:13:47.000 Imagine how, like, why did I raise this crazy lady? 1.00
00:13:51.000 I raised a crazy person who gets out in a fucking car, screaming at tigers. 1.00
00:13:55.000 The lady, only the mom got killed. 1.00
00:13:57.000 This one right here, she got killed. 0.88
00:13:59.000 The last one out of the car got killed.
00:14:01.000 That's got to be the last way you want to die.
00:14:03.000 That's not a good way to die.
00:14:03.000 Oh, it's not a good way to die.
00:14:04.000 When they eat your foot off first, I'm still alive.
00:14:07.000 Yeah, animals.
00:14:07.000 Great way to get out of a relationship.
00:14:09.000 I'll fight with her in the park with tigers. 1.00
00:14:11.000 I know this crazy bitch. 1.00
00:14:13.000 She'll get out of the car. 1.00
00:14:13.000 She'll get out. 1.00
00:14:14.000 She always gets out.
00:14:15.000 And then Ling Ling will run up and eat her and her mom. 1.00
00:14:17.000 They'll let you know.
00:14:18.000 They'll get out in traffic. 0.99
00:14:19.000 I don't give a fuck. 0.99
00:14:22.000 There's some people that would just yell at you in traffic. 0.99
00:14:24.000 But it works.
00:14:25.000 I had a girlfriend who followed me because she said, if I got out of the car in the rain, you would come out and chase me, right?
00:14:29.000 And I'm like, no.
00:14:30.000 I'd respect your decision to get out of the car.
00:14:31.000 I hate when they do that.
00:14:32.000 What do you mean chase you out?
00:14:33.000 They didn't come after me. 1.00
00:14:34.000 Oh, that's so stupid. 1.00
00:14:35.000 I thought you hated me. 1.00
00:14:35.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:14:36.000 I had that happen when I was 21. I was dating this girl and she got mad.
00:14:40.000 She goes, let me out of the car.
00:14:42.000 I go, okay.
00:14:42.000 So I pulled over and let her out of the car and she got out of the car and I drove home.
00:14:45.000 What the fuck are you doing? 0.99
00:14:46.000 And then she called me the next day. 1.00
00:14:48.000 She goes, why the fuck did you just leave me there? 0.99
00:14:49.000 I go, you told me you wanted to get out of the car. 1.00
00:14:51.000 I was giving you space.
00:14:52.000 I was trying to be dramatic for no reason.
00:14:54.000 What am I going to do?
00:14:54.000 Say no, don't get out of the car, other adult that I'm talking to?
00:14:58.000 She was like, I was attacked by a tiger. 0.87
00:15:00.000 What the hell, Joe?
00:15:01.000 Yeah! 0.94
00:15:01.000 I dropped off in Kenmore Square. 0.94
00:15:03.000 It was a nice spot.
00:15:04.000 Uh-oh.
00:15:05.000 Rough area?
00:15:06.000 Plenty of transportation.
00:15:06.000 Nice area.
00:15:08.000 Nothing dangerous about it.
00:15:09.000 It was just like, come on.
00:15:10.000 I had to take a train home like a peasant. 0.99
00:15:12.000 Just someone yelling at you, like, let me out of the car.
00:15:15.000 Like, oh, please get out of the car.
00:15:17.000 Yeah, right.
00:15:17.000 Perfect.
00:15:18.000 Please, goodbye.
00:15:19.000 Bye.
00:15:20.000 As soon as you listen, then you listen to your own music.
00:15:22.000 Yeah, finally.
00:15:24.000 This is the same girl.
00:15:25.000 I was in a car accident with her, and I had a Whitesnake cassette in my car, and she made me leave it in the car.
00:15:34.000 She's like, don't take that.
00:15:36.000 What?
00:15:37.000 Because I was taking my stuff to leave.
00:15:39.000 She was like, you shouldn't be listening to that. 1.00
00:15:41.000 She thought Whitesnake was stupid. 1.00
00:15:43.000 Here I go again on my own. 1.00
00:15:47.000 Catchy tune.
00:15:47.000 She was into like intelligent music.
00:15:49.000 She was smarter than me.
00:15:51.000 Like what?
00:15:51.000 I don't know.
00:15:52.000 I don't remember. 0.99
00:15:53.000 Crap. 1.00
00:15:53.000 Some shit. 1.00
00:15:54.000 Some pixies or some shit. 1.00
00:15:55.000 Classical. 1.00
00:15:56.000 Some shit that shows people you're deep. 1.00
00:15:58.000 Some shit that's emotional. 1.00
00:16:02.000 I mean, look man, if you can't appreciate a good fucking Whitesnake video, It's fun. 0.99
00:16:07.000 Doesn't mean it's the only thing you like. 0.98
00:16:09.000 Like, you know, I like ice cream, too.
00:16:11.000 I like other stuff.
00:16:12.000 I like stuff. 0.99
00:16:13.000 Some of the stuff I like is dumb. 0.98
00:16:15.000 I like South Park. 0.98
00:16:16.000 I like things.
00:16:17.000 South Park rules. 1.00
00:16:18.000 They fucking rule! 1.00
00:16:19.000 Did you see what they just did? 1.00
00:16:20.000 What'd they do?
00:16:22.000 They went at Harry and Meghan.
00:16:24.000 She's suing them. 1.00
00:16:24.000 And they're trying to sue them. 1.00
00:16:26.000 It's like, don't fucking kick that hornet's nest. 0.99
00:16:30.000 Oh my god, yeah. 0.99
00:16:31.000 You're just going to empower them to go harder.
00:16:33.000 Pretty brilliant episode.
00:16:34.000 Not suing, just mad.
00:16:36.000 Just mad.
00:16:36.000 Oh, okay.
00:16:37.000 They made an official statement that we are angry.
00:16:40.000 Which was exactly what the episode was.
00:16:43.000 Oh, okay.
00:16:44.000 It's exactly what they were making fun of him for.
00:16:45.000 Yeah, they nailed it.
00:16:47.000 Well, you know.
00:16:48.000 You know what's going on.
00:16:50.000 Someone wanted a lot of attention and now they got it.
00:16:52.000 That was the whole episode.
00:16:53.000 That was the episode.
00:16:55.000 Is that what it was?
00:16:55.000 We want privacy and they keep going on every magazine.
00:16:58.000 We're on our privacy tour.
00:17:00.000 Yeah, the Babylon Bee went after him too for that.
00:17:03.000 I love how they just couldn't picture it.
00:17:04.000 We just want to be regular people.
00:17:05.000 And they're like, wait, no.
00:17:07.000 Job?
00:17:07.000 No way.
00:17:09.000 Yeah, go work at a supermarket.
00:17:11.000 Play pretend regular people.
00:17:11.000 Yeah, be a regular person.
00:17:12.000 Go get a job in an office.
00:17:14.000 That would be an intense level of white guilt.
00:17:16.000 If they just start working. 1.00
00:17:17.000 Fuck, I'm British royalty. 1.00
00:17:19.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:17:20.000 Damn, we did some bad stuff. 1.00
00:17:22.000 She's half black. 1.00
00:17:23.000 And then the wife convinces you to leave the royal family. 0.98
00:17:26.000 Like, I'm out.
00:17:28.000 I don't need you guys.
00:17:29.000 Which is crazy, because don't you just get free money?
00:17:31.000 Dude, give me my allowance. 0.99
00:17:32.000 What do you get when you're a royal?
00:17:34.000 You get a stipend.
00:17:35.000 You get a bunch of cash.
00:17:35.000 What's the stipend?
00:17:36.000 I'm sure it's a million a month.
00:17:38.000 Yeah, what about the countessants?
00:17:39.000 Do they get paid?
00:17:40.000 Yeah, all of them.
00:17:41.000 That's a good question, right?
00:17:42.000 Like, what's the chart?
00:17:43.000 How far down do you go?
00:17:45.000 Before you're like, you don't get a check anymore.
00:17:47.000 What do you think you get if you're a prince?
00:17:48.000 What do you think a prince gets? 1.00
00:17:50.000 Oh, it's all jewels and rubies and shit. 0.99
00:17:52.000 I bet publicly their salary's nothing. 0.99
00:17:55.000 That they show. 1.00
00:17:56.000 But then, you know, they have fucking jewels. 0.99
00:17:58.000 They do get paid something, though, right? 1.00
00:18:01.000 Yeah.
00:18:02.000 That they show. 0.99
00:18:02.000 Then I saw one episode of that dumb crown show, and it was the queen bitching about how her fucking private yacht is too old and they're gonna have to do renovations. 0.99
00:18:09.000 She's the queen. 1.00
00:18:10.000 Like, turn this the fuck off. 0.99
00:18:11.000 Why do you care about this? 0.99
00:18:12.000 I got to play with my girlfriend about that show.
00:18:15.000 I was watching it.
00:18:15.000 I started saying Up The Ra the whole time.
00:18:17.000 I was like, I'm fucking Irish. 1.00
00:18:18.000 Fuck these people. 1.00
00:18:19.000 And she made me get a 23andMe. 1.00
00:18:21.000 She was like, you're not even Irish.
00:18:23.000 So I just did it yesterday.
00:18:25.000 Before I flew down there, I put on Braveheart. 0.99
00:18:28.000 I was like, look at this shit, dude. 1.00
00:18:29.000 Fuck the British. 1.00
00:18:30.000 There you go. 1.00
00:18:31.000 There's still tension there.
00:18:33.000 Really?
00:18:33.000 Oh, for sure.
00:18:34.000 They hate the mix.
00:18:35.000 Definitely.
00:18:35.000 I remember when I went to Belfast.
00:18:36.000 You know, you go to Northern Ireland, and they still have cars that are set up for bombs.
00:18:41.000 What do you mean?
00:18:42.000 They had bomb-proof cars.
00:18:43.000 They had cars that were, like, the entire car was covered in metal.
00:18:47.000 Like, they had this huge bumper system set up.
00:18:50.000 It was, like, they're cars for bombs.
00:18:52.000 They're, like, because they might have to deal with the IRA. Like, this is not that long ago.
00:18:57.000 It was there, like, 2000-ish, somewhere in the 2000s, like, 2005, 2006 or something like that we were over there.
00:19:04.000 So, like, even back then they had these cars that were armored.
00:19:08.000 I was like, this is wild.
00:19:10.000 And, you know, when you talk to people and they talk to you about, like, the horrors that they had, the war between the Protestants and the Catholics.
00:19:15.000 Such a weird one.
00:19:16.000 Oh, crazy.
00:19:16.000 We're the same exact people.
00:19:18.000 Molotov cocktails coming through.
00:19:20.000 But it just shows you, people can other people so easy. 0.97
00:19:23.000 But they're gross gingers. 1.00
00:19:24.000 They got othered pretty hard by the British. 1.00
00:19:26.000 Oh, they're pretty fucking hard. 0.98
00:19:27.000 Yeah, like, your religion's illegal, your music's illegal, everything. 1.00
00:19:29.000 Yeah. 0.95
00:19:30.000 Freckles.
00:19:30.000 Freckles.
00:19:31.000 No more shillelaghs. 1.00
00:19:32.000 No more leprechauns. 1.00
00:19:34.000 Fuck that. 1.00
00:19:36.000 We need those fucking leprechauns. 1.00
00:19:40.000 Keebles donating guns. 1.00
00:19:43.000 Well, the Irish are fun because they don't get offended.
00:19:45.000 They're one of the last groups.
00:19:46.000 I mean, look at the Notre Dame guy. 0.96
00:19:47.000 It's a drunk midget with a hat cocked. 1.00
00:19:50.000 That's so true. 0.99
00:19:52.000 You can call them drunk pedophiles all you want and they have to just take it.
00:19:54.000 I have like five cousins with that tattoo. 0.93
00:19:56.000 There you go.
00:19:57.000 Exactly.
00:19:57.000 Everyone has the Notre Dame thing.
00:19:59.000 Clover.
00:20:00.000 Hell yeah.
00:20:01.000 Oh yeah.
00:20:01.000 Isn't it funny because you never see like a Native American with a Chiefs tattoo.
00:20:10.000 I had a conversation with a guy in a bar in Belfast.
00:20:14.000 He's got his face.
00:20:16.000 You called me gay? 0.98
00:20:17.000 When you're in Belfast, they barely speak English. 0.89
00:20:20.000 You barely can understand what they're saying.
00:20:23.000 And this guy, all he was saying to me, we were both hammered.
00:20:26.000 He's like, I'll fight any man.
00:20:28.000 That's all he kept saying.
00:20:30.000 I'll fight any man. 1.00
00:20:31.000 Fucking Chocardelle. 1.00
00:20:32.000 Whoever it is, I'll fight any man. 1.00
00:20:35.000 And I go, I believe you, bro. 0.97
00:20:37.000 Let's do another shot.
00:20:38.000 We were getting blasted.
00:20:40.000 They go hard.
00:20:42.000 We're drinking Guinness.
00:20:43.000 They go hard.
00:20:44.000 Do not.
00:20:44.000 They do not keep up.
00:20:45.000 Guinness and Schatz.
00:20:46.000 Oh yeah. 0.99
00:20:47.000 Them and the Scottish, even the British, they all go so fucking hard. 0.99
00:20:50.000 They go so hard. 1.00
00:20:51.000 British go hard on fucking drugs. 1.00
00:20:53.000 The Germans do. 1.00
00:20:53.000 And they love cocaine. 1.00
00:20:54.000 They love coke, they love molly, they know how to deal with the fentanyl shit like we do. 1.00
00:20:59.000 Apparently over there, is that dying? 1.00
00:21:01.000 Apparently over there, even a lot of the royals are partying.
00:21:05.000 A lot of the politicians party, like everybody knows, like Boris, what's his name, the guy that's out now?
00:21:10.000 Karloff.
00:21:11.000 That guy.
00:21:12.000 The vampire.
00:21:13.000 What's his name?
00:21:14.000 Boris Johnson.
00:21:16.000 That guy partied. 0.58
00:21:18.000 That was like the thing about him is that he partied.
00:21:20.000 That's how they ended the COVID lockdowns.
00:21:21.000 They called him a massive party.
00:21:23.000 He said no party, he goes, you're right, everybody party.
00:21:25.000 He looks hungover all the time. 0.99
00:21:26.000 His hair's all fucked up. 1.00
00:21:27.000 He looks like Jeff Daniels in Dumb and Dumber. 1.00
00:21:29.000 I think he's having a good time.
00:21:31.000 He's out there having a good time.
00:21:32.000 Our pet's heads are falling off. 1.00
00:21:33.000 Just give me the goddamn number. 1.00
00:21:35.000 I think he's still around. 0.99
00:21:36.000 I don't know.
00:21:36.000 But he's not their guy anymore.
00:21:37.000 He's not. 0.97
00:21:39.000 I have no idea what the fuck's going on. 0.99
00:21:40.000 Didn't they have a new lady and she quit quick? 1.00
00:21:42.000 She took the job for like six weeks and quit? 0.99
00:21:44.000 Is that the UK? That's right.
00:21:47.000 When we were over there, the lady had just quit. 1.00
00:21:49.000 She was whatever they are, their queen, king, prime minister.
00:21:52.000 It's so funny hearing about their politics and you're like, I don't care at all about it.
00:21:55.000 I don't know your party system.
00:21:57.000 They care so much about us.
00:21:58.000 They love us.
00:21:59.000 Well, we're the weirdos that have the bombs that we've launched.
00:22:02.000 But we're the reality TV of news, for sure.
00:22:05.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:22:06.000 Kardashian, the Kanye's, I mean, we got the best stuff.
00:22:08.000 Oh, yeah, we got the most stuff.
00:22:09.000 Yeah, we're the wildest to follow.
00:22:11.000 The Musk.
00:22:12.000 Yeah, and it's also, we have, like, free speech. 0.99
00:22:14.000 We have, like, a lot of weird shit over here. 0.97
00:22:16.000 Everybody has guns. 0.99
00:22:18.000 Very interesting.
00:22:19.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:22:19.000 If you were looking at us from another country's perspective, you're like, what a fucking crazy place. 1.00
00:22:23.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:22:24.000 Guns.
00:22:24.000 Free speech.
00:22:24.000 They all have guns.
00:22:26.000 Mental illness. 1.00
00:22:26.000 So much mental illness. 1.00
00:22:28.000 They celebrate it. 0.82
00:22:29.000 A lot of pharma.
00:22:30.000 Yeah.
00:22:30.000 A lot of drugs.
00:22:31.000 Mental illness.
00:22:32.000 Celebrate it.
00:22:32.000 We're working with so many homeless people.
00:22:33.000 We made it seem cool.
00:22:34.000 What percentage of celebrities come out of America worldwide? 0.99
00:22:38.000 It's a fucking, gotta be a giant number. 0.99
00:22:39.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:22:40.000 And if they don't, they come here.
00:22:41.000 Like, all the Canadian funny people come here.
00:22:43.000 There's like three Chinese stars that ever got known here.
00:22:46.000 Well, that K-pop's huge.
00:22:47.000 K-pop.
00:22:47.000 Yeah, they're huge over there, but like Jackie Chan, Bruce Lee.
00:22:51.000 Jackie Chan, exactly.
00:22:51.000 Who else?
00:22:52.000 I don't know.
00:22:54.000 Yao Ming.
00:22:54.000 Dr. Ken.
00:22:55.000 Yao Ming.
00:22:56.000 Who else?
00:22:56.000 Dr. Ken.
00:22:57.000 No.
00:22:59.000 The pandas.
00:23:00.000 They're all China. 1.00
00:23:01.000 Pandas.
00:23:01.000 Bobby Lee.
00:23:03.000 Who else?
00:23:04.000 You know how China leases us pandas?
00:23:06.000 They lease them.
00:23:07.000 Those are leased to us.
00:23:08.000 We don't own those.
00:23:09.000 They call those back if they want.
00:23:10.000 Yeah, and if we have a panda on our soil, they get it.
00:23:14.000 Wow.
00:23:14.000 Whoa.
00:23:15.000 That's how it starts.
00:23:16.000 That's how it starts.
00:23:17.000 Then they lose. 1.00
00:23:18.000 Yeah, they got it by the balls. 0.99
00:23:19.000 Interesting. 0.99
00:23:20.000 I think we pay them a million a year each.
00:23:21.000 Wow, interesting.
00:23:23.000 I love pandas.
00:23:23.000 I wonder how that really works.
00:23:25.000 After a change of policy in 84, pandas were leased instead of gifted.
00:23:29.000 Interesting.
00:23:31.000 Wow.
00:23:31.000 Leased.
00:23:32.000 Leased. 1.00
00:23:33.000 We should fucking kill them. 1.00
00:23:34.000 Pandas? 1.00
00:23:35.000 Send a message.
00:23:35.000 Send a message.
00:23:36.000 Send a message.
00:23:36.000 We should be like, alright, we're done.
00:23:37.000 Can I get my deposit back?
00:23:38.000 We leased it, but it's damaged.
00:23:40.000 We're not paying the deposit.
00:23:41.000 You guys want to get my kids hooked on TikTok? 1.00
00:23:43.000 I'll show you what the fuck I do to pandas. 1.00
00:23:45.000 Fuck these pandas. 1.00
00:23:46.000 Right. 1.00
00:23:46.000 Boom. 1.00
00:23:47.000 Right in the face.
00:23:47.000 We got them hostage.
00:23:49.000 Yeah, they fucked up. 1.00
00:23:51.000 Yeah, if there's an animal that represents America, it's funny that it's an eagle. 1.00
00:23:55.000 Because eagles are, it's kind of a fucking soulless, evil creature. 0.99
00:23:59.000 I like that, though. 1.00
00:24:00.000 That likes to, you know, eat dead fish. 0.99
00:24:02.000 Have you ever seen an eagle look straight on?
00:24:04.000 In the eyes?
00:24:05.000 They're just, like, straight forward. 0.99
00:24:06.000 They're just dorks. 0.95
00:24:07.000 They don't look regal at all. 1.00
00:24:08.000 Really?
00:24:09.000 They're flying reptiles.
00:24:11.000 Franklin was right, dude.
00:24:12.000 We should've had the turkey.
00:24:13.000 He wanted the turkey.
00:24:14.000 Is that right?
00:24:14.000 And they're everywhere.
00:24:15.000 That would've been sick.
00:24:16.000 Didn't he used to be a dog?
00:24:18.000 I think at one point in time it was the dog.
00:24:20.000 It was like a pit bull.
00:24:21.000 That would have been awesome.
00:24:22.000 That makes more sense.
00:24:23.000 I think it was a pit bull.
00:24:24.000 Pit bull would have been really sick. 0.73
00:24:25.000 Is that true that America's national animal was a pit bull at one point in time?
00:24:29.000 I don't think so.
00:24:30.000 It's just the rapper.
00:24:31.000 I feel like there's...
00:24:32.000 Yeah, it was just in Harlem.
00:24:35.000 Depends where.
00:24:37.000 That guy goes down some conspiracy rabbit holes.
00:24:39.000 You ever hear of Pitbull?
00:24:40.000 No.
00:24:41.000 Yeah, he goes down some conspiracy rabbit holes. 1.00
00:24:43.000 Those dudes that grew up in Cuba, the guys that come from Cuba, they don't want to hear any fucking socialism bullshit. 1.00
00:24:49.000 No. 1.00
00:24:49.000 Shut the fuck up. 1.00
00:24:50.000 Like we had it real? 1.00
00:24:51.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:24:52.000 All those people that came out of those Eastern Bloc countries that have experienced actual real communism, they're like, shut the fuck up. 0.99
00:24:58.000 Talk to Kristina Pazitsky about it. 1.00
00:25:00.000 She's like, shut the fuck up. 1.00
00:25:02.000 Like, people whose family came from that part of the world where communism was real and it ruined everything and killed everybody, they're like, hey, you fucking idiots, you have no idea what you're calling for, what you're asking for, and what the history of this is worldwide. 1.00
00:25:16.000 Yeah. 0.99
00:25:17.000 Like, zero success stories.
00:25:21.000 Zero.
00:25:21.000 They're all convinced they're gonna do it right.
00:25:23.000 Not only not a success story, but like horrific.
00:25:25.000 Horrific.
00:25:26.000 The worst things possible.
00:25:27.000 Yeah.
00:25:27.000 Starved to death.
00:25:29.000 People eating their children in Russia.
00:25:30.000 No accountability.
00:25:31.000 The government elects the government.
00:25:34.000 It's my favorite part of Chernobyl. 0.81
00:25:36.000 I love how the Soviet Union handled disasters.
00:25:41.000 And there's a guy, they bring all the people in the town in, and this guy's like, look, everything's under control.
00:25:45.000 And one guy in the town's like, why is the air glowing? 0.94
00:25:48.000 And they're like, get him the fuck out of here.
00:25:50.000 The guy's like, everything's fine. 0.97
00:25:52.000 What is going on in East Palestine right now?
00:25:55.000 I think we might be getting hit with it.
00:25:56.000 Yeah, I mean, do you see the videos of people throwing rocks into the water just to see the oil slicks that pool up?
00:26:02.000 No, really?
00:26:03.000 Because they're saying that, you know, it only went a certain distance away from the actual spill site.
00:26:08.000 But people are way far away, and they're experiencing dead animals, dead birds, dead pets, and then people are throwing rocks into rivers, and you see these big, huge, like, chemical circles where the water gets disturbed,
00:26:24.000 just like oil slicks. 0.80
00:26:26.000 It looks really fucking sketchy. 0.98
00:26:28.000 Dead fish everywhere. 0.99
00:26:30.000 I think Pete's got it.
00:26:34.000 Well, he's definitely the most qualified job guy for the job, so yeah.
00:26:39.000 I mean he's definitely not there for any other reason other than he's amazing.
00:26:43.000 Are you alluding to something?
00:26:45.000 I'm just saying he's amazing.
00:26:47.000 He's amazing and he's doing a great job.
00:26:49.000 Great job.
00:26:50.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:26:50.000 Is there a party Ari as a Jew that's like, yeah, fuck Palestine. 1.00
00:26:56.000 Dude, legit a little bit. 1.00
00:26:57.000 When I started reading that story, I was like, wait, what?
00:26:59.000 Here we go!
00:27:00.000 Yeah, right away your hackles are up.
00:27:02.000 Like, oil spill?
00:27:03.000 Who gave the Palestinians oil? 1.00
00:27:04.000 And a bunch of trains broke. 1.00
00:27:06.000 Oh yeah, you guys hate fucking trains, dude. 1.00
00:27:08.000 We hate trains. 1.00
00:27:09.000 Good call.
00:27:10.000 Yeah.
00:27:11.000 Sabotage the trains, it's gotta be us. 0.99
00:27:13.000 They keep every fucking day, there's like some new explosion in a factory now. 0.99
00:27:16.000 Yeah. 0.99
00:27:17.000 It's like, am I just noticing it?
00:27:19.000 Is it the effect of like the news is just showing it to you because these things happen all the time?
00:27:23.000 Global warming.
00:27:24.000 But Jamie hit me with a- Jamie, tell me that- say that weird one you said. 1.00
00:27:27.000 Damn. 0.99
00:27:28.000 That was bothering me. 0.99
00:27:28.000 Oak Ridge. 0.99
00:27:30.000 Oak Ridge?
00:27:30.000 The Oak Ridge boys?
00:27:31.000 Uranium plant on fire right now, today. 0.99
00:27:34.000 It says no injuries, but- Uranium fire, holy shit. 0.96
00:27:39.000 He told me a weird one last night. 0.92
00:27:41.000 He was like, the two main food sources in the entire world is Ukraine and the Midwest.
00:27:45.000 Really? 0.98
00:27:46.000 He's like, now there's a chemical fucking spill in the Midwest. 0.97
00:27:49.000 Sometimes when I see a lot of stories about the same thing, chemical spill, nuclear stuff, it's like, I feel like they're prepping us for some level of like, hey, we're going to change the laws on this. 0.95
00:27:58.000 We're just getting everybody ready.
00:27:59.000 That's what's scary, right?
00:28:01.000 They start pushing every shooting at a Seattle bar.
00:28:03.000 They start telling you about all of them.
00:28:04.000 Interesting.
00:28:05.000 They're coming with something.
00:28:06.000 That could be something.
00:28:09.000 Well, there's definitely been times in history where they've done things like that, like where they've blown things up on purpose.
00:28:15.000 Hitler burnt the Reichstag.
00:28:17.000 Nero burnt Rome.
00:28:18.000 They do false flags to get people to panic and then they create new laws to clamp down on them.
00:28:25.000 That's a real standard practice that dictators use.
00:28:29.000 I don't know.
00:28:30.000 But they would never use that here in America.
00:28:32.000 Alright.
00:28:32.000 Yeah.
00:28:33.000 We're better.
00:28:36.000 We're human. 0.99
00:28:37.000 That's like why all the fucking checks and balances are in place in the way the government is run. 0.99
00:28:42.000 Like, to prevent that kind of shit from happening, because it happens everywhere people get into power. 0.99
00:28:47.000 So you have to have, like, people are like, well, if the Republicans can control the House, like, no, there has to be fighting. 0.99
00:28:52.000 Everybody has to fight.
00:28:53.000 If they're not fighting, they would be, it would be way worse.
00:28:56.000 If they were all in agreement, It would be fucking terrible for all of us, because they would all eventually pass laws that would give them more and more power. 0.71
00:29:05.000 It would be worse. 0.95
00:29:06.000 Well, that was the point of the Second Amendment.
00:29:08.000 It was just, hey, we need the guns in case the government comes at us.
00:29:11.000 It's funny that people don't want to believe that.
00:29:13.000 It's just, pay attention to the rest of the world whenever something happens and people have to be locked in their homes.
00:29:19.000 They'd comply.
00:29:20.000 People comply everywhere else but here.
00:29:22.000 Over here they're like, yeah, I don't like you telling me what to do.
00:29:26.000 Go to the beach.
00:29:27.000 Yeah, why can't I get in the ocean? 1.00
00:29:29.000 Shut the fuck up. 1.00
00:29:30.000 You can't tell me what to do. 1.00
00:29:32.000 This is crazy.
00:29:33.000 Isn't it from sea to shining sea?
00:29:36.000 Yeah, they sanded over all the skate parks during COVID. Remember that shit? 1.00
00:29:42.000 That was wild. 1.00
00:29:43.000 Oh yeah, they took down all the nets.
00:29:45.000 So sad.
00:29:46.000 Yeah.
00:29:46.000 But it's just so bizarre how quickly it shifted.
00:29:50.000 Bob Lazar.
00:29:50.000 Bob Lazar.
00:29:51.000 Bob Lazar.
00:29:53.000 Bob Lazar.
00:29:54.000 Someone should make a song about that.
00:29:57.000 Have you ever watched that guy talk?
00:29:58.000 What do you think?
00:29:59.000 Bob Lazar?
00:30:00.000 Yeah.
00:30:00.000 Yeah, I've seen him.
00:30:01.000 What do you think?
00:30:03.000 I don't know.
00:30:03.000 When he says he saw that alien that one time, that kind of bothered me.
00:30:07.000 He didn't say he saw an alien.
00:30:08.000 He said he saw something that was in a chair and then these men were facing it.
00:30:12.000 It was smaller than them.
00:30:13.000 I think he seems like he's telling the truth.
00:30:15.000 The way he's described it is like, it could have been a doll.
00:30:19.000 I don't know what it was.
00:30:21.000 It could have been they were trying to figure out what size these things are.
00:30:24.000 He goes, I'm literally walking by looking at something in a 12 by 8 window.
00:30:30.000 It happens.
00:30:31.000 I don't know.
00:30:31.000 We shouldn't talk about it until something happens.
00:30:33.000 It feels like just a lot of shit and shit. 1.00
00:30:34.000 A lot of jerking off. 1.00
00:30:35.000 A lot of jerking. 0.99
00:30:36.000 I got a police called on me on New Year's. 0.92
00:30:37.000 We do this Ecuador thing where you take an effigy, put a straw in a shirt and jeans, and you light it on fire and jump over it.
00:30:43.000 Wait, what?
00:30:44.000 What?
00:30:44.000 Yeah.
00:30:45.000 It's just an Ecuadorian tradition.
00:30:47.000 Were you in Ecuador when this happened?
00:30:48.000 No, we were in Staten Island.
00:30:49.000 Oh, yeah.
00:30:50.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:30:50.000 I was trying to be international.
00:30:52.000 They called the cops on us.
00:30:53.000 They were like, we got to report somebody's burning a body alive.
00:30:56.000 Oh.
00:31:01.000 That's what they used to do at Bohemian Grove.
00:31:03.000 What? 0.99
00:31:04.000 When they would go to Moloch the Owl God, when all the fucking elites like fucking Nixon and Ford and Reagan, they would go to this Bohemian Grove, and one of the things they would do is they would burn this effigy that was supposed to represent a body. 1.00
00:31:17.000 They were all dressed like druids and shit in front of this video of it. 1.00
00:31:21.000 Alex Jones got Nixon called it gay. 1.00
00:31:23.000 He said it's the faggiest thing. 0.99
00:31:26.000 He was talking about how the people behave there. 1.00
00:31:29.000 Apparently these guys would go there and just fuck each other. 1.00
00:31:31.000 And it was in Northern California, which is, you know, there's a lot of gay folk up in that region of the world. 0.99
00:31:40.000 And so this place was their spot where all these elites would go and they would party.
00:31:46.000 That's so great.
00:31:47.000 That's what Bohemian Grove was.
00:31:49.000 Yeah, pull up Nixon's account of Bohemian Grove.
00:31:52.000 Where's the lighter?
00:31:53.000 Who's got the lighter?
00:31:54.000 Ari.
00:31:56.000 Nixon's phone calls are fun, too.
00:31:58.000 A lot of N-word.
00:31:59.000 Really?
00:31:59.000 Oh, it's full Michael Richards.
00:32:01.000 Wow.
00:32:03.000 There it is.
00:32:04.000 So he's talking about it?
00:32:05.000 Nixon Tate discussed homosexuals.
00:32:08.000 Let us look at North Carolina.
00:32:10.000 You understand?
00:32:11.000 Yeah.
00:32:12.000 You know what's happening in San Francisco?
00:32:14.000 San Francisco is just gone.
00:32:15.000 It's clear all words, I don't have, but it isn't.
00:32:17.000 It isn't just down in the rapid part of town, but the upper class of San Francisco is that way. 0.99
00:32:23.000 The Bolivian Grove that I attend, one time to time, these years and the others have come there, but it is the most faggot man in the world. 1.00
00:32:34.000 That San Francisco crowd goes there. 1.00
00:32:36.000 It's just terrible.
00:32:38.000 I mean, don't shake hands with anybody from San Francisco.
00:32:42.000 I mean, I won't shake hands with anybody from San Francisco.
00:32:45.000 That place that they would go to, they would all dress up like they were druids.
00:32:52.000 There's video footage of it.
00:32:53.000 It's the craziest thing ever.
00:32:55.000 Can we see it?
00:32:55.000 I'd love to see this footage.
00:32:56.000 John Ronson and Alex Jones snuck in.
00:33:01.000 What?
00:33:01.000 It was like 2000. It was a long ass time ago.
00:33:05.000 Prove it.
00:33:06.000 So this is what it looks like.
00:33:09.000 There's a giant owl god statue and they burn this effigy in front of the giant owl god that's supposed to be representative of a sacrifice.
00:33:17.000 Is this the original Burning Man?
00:33:20.000 I mean, just go to Epstein's Island at this point.
00:33:22.000 At least you get laid.
00:33:22.000 Just take a flight.
00:33:24.000 It could just be these two places.
00:33:27.000 There's probably a shitload of those places we don't know about yet.
00:33:29.000 The Eyes Wide Shut places?
00:33:31.000 Definitely.
00:33:32.000 Yeah, I mean, when did we learn about Epstein's Island?
00:33:33.000 I heard about it from Alex Jones ten years ago.
00:33:38.000 A long time ago.
00:33:39.000 That's the craziest thing I've ever heard.
00:33:41.000 There's a place where they take politicians and movie stars and they compromise them with underage girls. 1.00
00:33:46.000 Really?
00:33:47.000 An island?
00:33:48.000 Somebody owns an island?
00:33:50.000 Talking about that?
00:33:50.000 No.
00:33:51.000 He said he got invited to a party early on in stand-up and there was somebody's house in the hills and it was all the top-level celebrities like Leo and everyone like that.
00:34:01.000 Yeah.
00:34:01.000 And then some guy's like, do you want to go in?
00:34:03.000 He goes, no, because if they ask me to get in the tub with them, I'm going to.
00:34:08.000 I don't want to go down this road.
00:34:10.000 Jeffrey Epstein was accused of sex trafficking young girls on his mysterious private island over 40 years ago.
00:34:16.000 A different millionaire escaped justice in a stunningly similar case.
00:34:20.000 Ooh! 0.96
00:34:20.000 It's probably how they've always done it. 0.96
00:34:22.000 If you just think about it, if you want to get these world leaders on your side, the best way is to compromise them.
00:34:28.000 Have a bunch of dirt on them.
00:34:31.000 Vegas does that, right? 1.00
00:34:32.000 Videotapes fucking senators and getting hookers. 1.00
00:34:35.000 Vegas does that? 1.00
00:34:36.000 And then it's like, we have you.
00:34:37.000 When there was the old mob.
00:34:38.000 Oh, the mob Vegas.
00:34:38.000 I gotta stop playing Vegas.
00:34:40.000 Of course.
00:34:41.000 The old Vegas.
00:34:42.000 Back when they were running it dirty.
00:34:44.000 But yeah, cameras and the internet.
00:34:45.000 Cell phone cameras ruined a lot of fun.
00:34:48.000 You know, the internet.
00:34:49.000 Yeah, I think about it every time I whack off.
00:34:51.000 What do you mean?
00:34:52.000 Someone's watching it. 0.98
00:34:52.000 Man, if this camera catches my fat face, it could ruin you with that face. 0.98
00:34:58.000 And it knows what you're Googling, too. 0.97
00:35:00.000 Oh, yeah.
00:35:01.000 I don't even go privacy.
00:35:01.000 How long before there's zero privacy?
00:35:03.000 How long before anyone could look at anybody's phone and all information, they can't stop it.
00:35:09.000 Technology has just reached this point where all data and all numbers are just available to everybody at every time.
00:35:15.000 Privacy is not expected.
00:35:15.000 I hate for this to get out.
00:35:16.000 No privacy.
00:35:17.000 Everybody knows where you're going to be.
00:35:18.000 You can't lie.
00:35:19.000 Could happen.
00:35:20.000 Can't avoid people.
00:35:21.000 Oh, so sorry, my mother-in-law's in town.
00:35:24.000 Really?
00:35:25.000 I see her pin on your pin.
00:35:27.000 My Google Glasses say you're lying. 1.00
00:35:29.000 Be able to see their temperature and shit go up. 0.99
00:35:32.000 Some people, when they're in relationships, they'll turn their location services on, so they're a significant other can track them wherever they are. 0.99
00:35:40.000 Yeah, I have friends that do that.
00:35:41.000 Really?
00:35:42.000 Yeah, I was like, dude, you gotta never, you gotta stop.
00:35:45.000 That's terrifying.
00:35:46.000 The owner of the Omaha Funny Bone does that with her kids. 1.00
00:35:51.000 It's one thing with your kids, but when you're doing it with your wife, or you're doing it with your, or, you know, it just seems crazy.
00:35:58.000 Well, it's just such a lack of trust.
00:36:00.000 Yeah, it's just very weird.
00:36:02.000 You're following where they are all the time.
00:36:04.000 That would make me not want to be with someone.
00:36:06.000 They were like, what are you doing?
00:36:07.000 Where are you?
00:36:08.000 Well, this isn't fun. 0.99
00:36:09.000 You're just fucking clinging on to me. 0.98
00:36:11.000 Some people want that kind of relationship. 1.00
00:36:13.000 They want someone controlling them.
00:36:16.000 They want a parent again.
00:36:17.000 They had a parent, and then they want a parent again.
00:36:19.000 If you put it that way, I kind of like it. 0.72
00:36:21.000 She's a dominating woman. 1.00
00:36:23.000 Clean your room. 0.95
00:36:24.000 I don't want to play an Xbox. 0.90
00:36:26.000 Can you spank me? 1.00
00:36:27.000 Spank my flat ass. 1.00
00:36:29.000 Do you want your dick sucked or not? 1.00
00:36:30.000 Clean your fucking room. 1.00
00:36:31.000 Ooh, I like that. 1.00
00:36:32.000 Make me suck your high heel. 1.00
00:36:34.000 What? 1.00
00:36:34.000 Ew. 1.00
00:36:35.000 Ew, all the fucking things you stepped in. 1.00
00:36:38.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:36:39.000 Come on, bro.
00:36:40.000 Yuckaroo.
00:36:41.000 What kind of bacteria is on that?
00:36:41.000 I do do the old fish hook on the lady, and I'm just thinking about the subway pole and whatnot.
00:36:46.000 You fish hook your lady when you wash your hands first? 1.00
00:36:48.000 Fuck it from behind? 1.00
00:36:50.000 Jesus. 1.00
00:36:50.000 Fish hook is a weird move. 1.00
00:36:51.000 Just like at dinner and shit. 0.99
00:36:55.000 I'm going to order the salmon. 0.99
00:37:02.000 Can I get that old flamer?
00:37:04.000 He's got it. 1.00
00:37:05.000 People are into weird shit. 1.00
00:37:06.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00
00:37:07.000 They really are.
00:37:08.000 Choking.
00:37:09.000 I'm not good with the dirty talk.
00:37:10.000 I'm afraid I'm in this.
00:37:11.000 I've never even tried.
00:37:12.000 Dirty talk's insane. 1.00
00:37:13.000 Dirty talk sucks. 0.99
00:37:13.000 With this voice and the comedic rhythm. 0.99
00:37:15.000 I feel like such a loser. 0.68
00:37:17.000 Part of the problem is we're comics. 0.95
00:37:19.000 Yes. 0.95
00:37:19.000 So we know how ridiculous it is. 0.95
00:37:20.000 What are you, whore? 1.00
00:37:21.000 You dirty... 1.00
00:37:23.000 Oh, you're a whore. 1.00
00:37:24.000 You call that a pussy, you fat skank? 1.00
00:37:27.000 Yeah, it's no good. 1.00
00:37:29.000 Nice pussy, you drunk bitch. 1.00
00:37:30.000 Some people, like, put on wigs and they play roles. 1.00
00:37:33.000 You have a terrible job.
00:37:35.000 Some people pretend to be, like, the UPS driver delivering a package.
00:37:39.000 Yeah, that's kind of, that's alarming.
00:37:41.000 They put out of town. 0.99
00:37:42.000 Yeah, and then when you're out of town, the actual fucking thing happens. 0.94
00:37:47.000 Why'd you use my name as the same guy as him? 0.99
00:37:50.000 Yeah, what the fuck, Tim? 0.98
00:37:52.000 Tim is the actual UPS driver. 0.99
00:37:53.000 No, we're not doing that. 0.99
00:37:55.000 Do you want to fuck me, Tim, the guy who works Tuesdays? 1.00
00:37:56.000 Come on, it's a fantasy, baby. 1.00
00:37:59.000 Why don't I call you Tim?
00:38:00.000 Yeah, I've never been with a woman that was into any roleplaying or any, like, here's my fantasy. 0.99
00:38:06.000 I feel like an idiot. 1.00
00:38:07.000 Dirty talk is the worst. 1.00
00:38:08.000 You feel like it's current. 1.00
00:38:10.000 Not the role-playing, but I would feel stupid dressing up as a busboy. 0.97
00:38:14.000 Oh my god, imagine if that was like a thing. 0.95
00:38:16.000 We have to keep this fresh.
00:38:17.000 Yeah. 0.98
00:38:18.000 Lingerie's retarded. 0.99
00:38:19.000 Like, for sure. 0.99
00:38:20.000 A full costume.
00:38:21.000 Very odd.
00:38:22.000 I don't mind it.
00:38:22.000 I don't mind it.
00:38:23.000 It looks hot.
00:38:24.000 Although it does.
00:38:25.000 They look good.
00:38:25.000 Then you just take it off right away.
00:38:26.000 Take it off right away.
00:38:27.000 Right.
00:38:28.000 And then she has to take it off too.
00:38:29.000 Yeah.
00:38:30.000 I'd like to role-play with my lady having some money. 1.00
00:38:32.000 I get it.
00:38:33.000 That's the role-play?
00:38:33.000 That's a weird role.
00:38:36.000 That kind of relates when the lady has all the cash. 1.00
00:38:39.000 That's a good role play.
00:38:40.000 Yeah, that's hot.
00:38:41.000 Hey, thanks for paying the rent again.
00:38:43.000 Exactly.
00:38:43.000 In this wild world.
00:38:44.000 Thanks for picking up this check.
00:38:46.000 This is hot.
00:38:47.000 Remember when I bought dinner last night? 0.99
00:38:48.000 That was fucking crazy. 0.97
00:38:50.000 I paid for dinner and I was laying in bed last night and I was like, That's it, though. 0.99
00:38:56.000 Once you pay for dinner, it's like literally a five-minute period where people are like, thanks.
00:38:59.000 Oh, thanks, man.
00:39:00.000 That was pretty cool.
00:39:00.000 And then it's nothing.
00:39:00.000 The only good thing is...
00:39:01.000 I was like, I'm just going to keep bringing it up.
00:39:02.000 You don't have to pay for the next one.
00:39:04.000 The next day, I'll be like, man, that was an expensive dinner.
00:39:06.000 That was nice I did that.
00:39:07.000 The pork chop.
00:39:09.000 But you're good for the next few, because you got that one.
00:39:12.000 That's the thing you get.
00:39:13.000 We'll see. 1.00
00:39:13.000 Not with you two cheap fucks. 1.00
00:39:14.000 I would've paid for breakfast. 1.00
00:39:15.000 This is crazy.
00:39:17.000 This guy's the Bruce Lee.
00:39:19.000 You guys are unbelievable. 1.00
00:39:20.000 You're cheap as fuck, dude. 1.00
00:39:22.000 Mark's cheaper than me. 1.00
00:39:22.000 Mark's like, it's free. 1.00
00:39:24.000 You gotta take it.
00:39:24.000 I look up to Mark.
00:39:25.000 I can't waste shit. 1.00
00:39:26.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:39:27.000 We got a little stipend with the old hotel.
00:39:30.000 Thank you.
00:39:30.000 And I'm gonna eat all of it.
00:39:32.000 I'm gonna get shit to go, bring it on the plane. 0.98
00:39:34.000 Yeah. 0.99
00:39:34.000 It's crazy. 0.99
00:39:35.000 I can't let it go.
00:39:36.000 It's crazy.
00:39:37.000 I get it.
00:39:38.000 All right!
00:39:38.000 I get it.
00:39:39.000 No, but if there's a free green room stuff, he takes it.
00:39:42.000 It stays in your head.
00:39:43.000 Oh, yeah.
00:39:44.000 I got a pocket full of hotel soap.
00:39:47.000 No, this is not growing up poor. 0.98
00:39:49.000 This is mental illness. 1.00
00:39:51.000 This is crazy shit. 1.00
00:39:52.000 Hotel soap is where I draw the line. 1.00
00:39:53.000 You don't use hotel soaps?
00:39:55.000 Hotel soap?
00:39:55.000 No.
00:39:56.000 I'll take a hotel soap.
00:39:57.000 I'll bring my own hotel soap.
00:39:58.000 I'm bringing my own soap.
00:39:59.000 You bring your own soap?
00:40:00.000 What?
00:40:00.000 Sometimes, yeah.
00:40:01.000 Whoa.
00:40:02.000 Lava?
00:40:02.000 No, defense soap.
00:40:03.000 I wear a special kind of soap.
00:40:05.000 It's like a soap that's designed for grapplers.
00:40:08.000 It keeps you from getting...
00:40:09.000 Smell me.
00:40:09.000 It smells good, right?
00:40:10.000 It makes you smell good.
00:40:11.000 I smell hot. 1.00
00:40:12.000 Tea tree oil, eucalyptus and shit. 1.00
00:40:14.000 It's a special kind of soap that prevents you from getting staph infections and ringworm and shit like that. 0.99
00:40:22.000 It helps protect you from that. 0.83
00:40:24.000 Okay.
00:40:25.000 You don't want to rub away all your natural oils.
00:40:27.000 It's just good.
00:40:27.000 It's natural oils.
00:40:28.000 It's got parts.
00:40:28.000 It's got all kinds of good natural oils.
00:40:30.000 It's a natural soap.
00:40:32.000 It smells great.
00:40:32.000 Smells good, too.
00:40:33.000 I like it.
00:40:34.000 Yeah, it does.
00:40:34.000 And you know, there's certain stuff, like certain soaps, you're getting a lot of perfumes.
00:40:39.000 Yeah. 0.99
00:40:40.000 Those perfumes will fuck with your skin. 1.00
00:40:42.000 Hotel soap bars, they kind of dry your skin out sometimes. 0.98
00:40:44.000 Big dry.
00:40:45.000 I'm ashy.
00:40:45.000 But you take them home?
00:40:47.000 Not as ashy as his grandparents, but ashy.
00:40:49.000 Oh, Jesus Christ!
00:40:51.000 He survived it!
00:40:52.000 Jesus Christ!
00:40:56.000 I don't like that talk, and I'm not a part of it.
00:40:59.000 Won't happen again.
00:41:00.000 It's impossible to avoid.
00:41:02.000 He can't stop himself.
00:41:04.000 Free Palestine, Ohio.
00:41:05.000 He can't stop himself.
00:41:08.000 Free Palestine. 0.99
00:41:10.000 Yeah, I mean, how does this fucking play out? 0.97
00:41:12.000 You know, they weren't even going to give him FEMA money until Trump decided to go down there. 0.97
00:41:16.000 Really?
00:41:17.000 I'm sure they would say, that's misinformation and propaganda, but they had denied them.
00:41:21.000 Why?
00:41:23.000 There's also the other side where the governor was like, I'm denying it.
00:41:25.000 I think he's a Republican governor.
00:41:27.000 Why would he deny it?
00:41:28.000 Isn't that true?
00:41:29.000 Maybe we're wrong.
00:41:31.000 We're getting both sides.
00:41:31.000 Maybe the reason why is because they want liability from the company and the company to pay for everything.
00:41:35.000 Maybe it's that.
00:41:38.000 Apparently the railroad that they were transporting those chemicals on was not set up for hazardous materials.
00:41:45.000 They're trying to cut costs.
00:41:46.000 Are you peeing already?
00:41:47.000 No, it's early.
00:41:48.000 You really peeing?
00:41:49.000 No, it's okay.
00:41:50.000 Let him pee.
00:41:51.000 Go ahead, pee.
00:41:52.000 This is bad.
00:41:52.000 It's okay, buddy.
00:41:53.000 You're getting old. 1.00
00:41:53.000 Don't let him fuck with you. 1.00
00:41:55.000 You got those fresh sunglasses on, man. 1.00
00:41:57.000 Be a boss. 0.99
00:41:58.000 Go out there and piss. 1.00
00:41:59.000 You look like a police drawing of a pedophile. 1.00
00:42:02.000 Look at this. 1.00
00:42:04.000 What do you look like?
00:42:06.000 You hear the noise I made?
00:42:09.000 It's like the Pillsbury.
00:42:11.000 I'm always just happy when Ari's going to the actual restroom. 1.00
00:42:15.000 I'm always happy when he leaves.
00:42:16.000 Yeah.
00:42:17.000 May I? Keep him coming there.
00:42:19.000 I think this episode, Mark gets fucked up. 0.99
00:42:23.000 Mark's under the radar every episode. 0.99
00:42:25.000 He's already ready to roll.
00:42:26.000 Yeah, he's tossing a holocaust joke.
00:42:28.000 He's making ashy jokes.
00:42:30.000 Hell yeah. 0.51
00:42:33.000 The Jews had a good time.
00:42:36.000 Like, I mean, the Kanye, I think people propped up the Jews for a second. 0.95
00:42:41.000 Oh, yeah.
00:42:41.000 His special did well.
00:42:42.000 We had to pretend to like him.
00:42:44.000 It was what a perfect timing for his special.
00:42:46.000 Beautiful.
00:42:46.000 I mean, it was like a cultural moment.
00:42:49.000 Like, the universe gave him a window.
00:42:51.000 Whoop!
00:42:52.000 Go right here.
00:42:53.000 Go right through.
00:42:54.000 It was like Ronnie Chang with Stop Asian Hate.
00:42:56.000 That helped him.
00:42:57.000 Well, he was around before Stop Asian Hate.
00:42:59.000 But that really...
00:43:00.000 Did it?
00:43:01.000 Oh, yeah.
00:43:02.000 Yeah?
00:43:02.000 Yeah.
00:43:02.000 He's funny, too.
00:43:03.000 He is funny.
00:43:04.000 He's really funny.
00:43:04.000 He's a very good comic.
00:43:05.000 Yeah.
00:43:06.000 But he was, before Stop Asian Hate, his big special came out.
00:43:11.000 That was great.
00:43:12.000 That was like the Netflix special.
00:43:14.000 Yeah.
00:43:14.000 It was like 2016, 17?
00:43:16.000 17?
00:43:17.000 Yeah.
00:43:17.000 Cool guy, too.
00:43:18.000 Great guy. 1.00
00:43:19.000 Good fucking dude. 1.00
00:43:20.000 Good egg. 1.00
00:43:21.000 Funny motherfucker. 1.00
00:43:22.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:43:22.000 Nice. 1.00
00:43:23.000 I like when we do that.
00:43:24.000 It feels weird without Ari, doesn't it?
00:43:26.000 I love it.
00:43:28.000 Less anxiety in the room. 1.00
00:43:29.000 God, when he's fucking hitting you with the let's go hiking, let's fucking... 0.99
00:43:32.000 What do you think that's all about? 0.99
00:43:33.000 I don't think he even likes it.
00:43:34.000 I think he likes saying he likes hiking.
00:43:36.000 He likes nature.
00:43:37.000 I like what you're saying.
00:43:38.000 That's what bothers me.
00:43:39.000 No, he likes it.
00:43:39.000 That's what annoys me.
00:43:40.000 He's like, I gotta leave the country.
00:43:42.000 He goes to Guatemala. 1.00
00:43:42.000 You don't like leaving the fucking country. 1.00
00:43:43.000 You like saying you left the country. 1.00
00:43:46.000 That's me being an asshole. 1.00
00:43:47.000 This is fight words. 1.00
00:43:49.000 You might be on to something.
00:43:50.000 I'm going to say it to his face.
00:43:51.000 He goes to China for a year.
00:43:53.000 There's something about what you're saying that's resonating with me.
00:43:56.000 It's like getting in a cold plunge.
00:43:58.000 You know, it's like you can only do it for so long, but you pretend you like it.
00:44:01.000 Well, you've got to make it your personality if you cold plunge.
00:44:03.000 Right.
00:44:03.000 Everybody goes all in.
00:44:04.000 It's like yoga or vegan diet.
00:44:07.000 Yes.
00:44:07.000 Keep talking about it.
00:44:09.000 We get it, Huberman.
00:44:10.000 What's Trump doing?
00:44:11.000 Uh-oh.
00:44:12.000 He was at Palestine today.
00:44:13.000 Hold on.
00:44:14.000 Of course he was.
00:44:14.000 Look at him.
00:44:15.000 Look at all those guys in the background.
00:44:16.000 Who do you think that guy with a mustache is voting for?
00:44:18.000 It ain't Biden.
00:44:19.000 It ain't Hillary.
00:44:20.000 Look at him.
00:44:21.000 It's a costume.
00:44:22.000 It's like a Guess Who character.
00:44:23.000 Look at that mustache.
00:44:24.000 That guy's got a lot of guns. 1.00
00:44:26.000 Damn, look at all those guys. 1.00
00:44:27.000 They all look the same. 1.00
00:44:28.000 Even the woman looks the same. 1.00
00:44:29.000 Look at that fucking lunch lady. 1.00
00:44:31.000 She's got bitter beer face. 1.00
00:44:32.000 What is he saying?
00:44:33.000 I just said finish.
00:44:35.000 I'll go back.
00:44:35.000 There's their leader.
00:44:36.000 Who's that guy?
00:44:37.000 Just the normal dude.
00:44:38.000 Like, our leader.
00:44:39.000 The most handsome man in the world.
00:44:41.000 But Biden made it.
00:44:42.000 I want to thank those of you that helped.
00:44:45.000 John Rourke, who's fantastic.
00:44:47.000 Blue line moving.
00:44:49.000 Is John here?
00:44:50.000 Hello, John.
00:44:51.000 Good job.
00:44:52.000 Got a lot of trucks coming up with water, right?
00:44:56.000 That's true.
00:44:57.000 You're a fantastic guy.
00:44:59.000 Friend of my son, Don, who's also here.
00:45:01.000 Where's Don?
00:45:02.000 Good job.
00:45:03.000 Did you get him to do that?
00:45:04.000 I think it was a 95% voter rate for Trump in Ohio.
00:45:08.000 He helps.
00:45:08.000 Thank you very much, John.
00:45:09.000 Appreciate it.
00:45:10.000 What?
00:45:11.000 Huh?
00:45:12.000 That can't be true.
00:45:13.000 Pull it up! 0.91
00:45:14.000 He's helping to swing state.
00:45:15.000 He's giving shout-outs.
00:45:17.000 Palestine.
00:45:18.000 Oh, okay.
00:45:20.000 He's giving shout-outs to all the people that delivered water. 0.98
00:45:22.000 The new, the MAGA hats with the giant font is so fucking funny. 0.90
00:45:25.000 They went even harder. 0.96
00:45:26.000 Dude, when I went to...
00:45:27.000 They went harder.
00:45:28.000 I think I told you.
00:45:28.000 When I was in Mar-a-Lago, every dude there was wearing a flat brim, That said M-A-G-A, like a bedazzled MAGA hat.
00:45:36.000 Oh my god. 0.99
00:45:37.000 It was fucking crazy. 0.99
00:45:38.000 What is Mar-a-Lago like? 1.00
00:45:40.000 So sick.
00:45:43.000 I tried to pretend.
00:45:44.000 As soon as I got in there, I was like, yo, this is it.
00:45:47.000 Really?
00:45:48.000 You can tour it?
00:45:50.000 No.
00:45:50.000 I got in.
00:45:51.000 Somebody I knew there worked with the Trumps.
00:45:55.000 They came to my show, and we got drunk, and they're like, do you want to come to Mar-a-Lago?
00:45:58.000 I was like, yeah. 1.00
00:45:59.000 I thought they were full of shit. 1.00
00:46:00.000 The next day, they're like, all right, we'll pick you up. 1.00
00:46:02.000 You gotta go past armed guards.
00:46:03.000 They're like, we gotta get this guy on the list.
00:46:05.000 But yeah, then you get in there, and it's a bunch of old billionaires, like dudes.
00:46:09.000 Is it a country club?
00:46:11.000 It's very small.
00:46:12.000 It's a community?
00:46:13.000 It's very small.
00:46:13.000 There's like one spa.
00:46:14.000 There's that big room.
00:46:15.000 And he lives there.
00:46:16.000 Yeah, he lives in like a wing.
00:46:18.000 Which is so wild.
00:46:20.000 He lives in a place where people can visit.
00:46:22.000 And then everyone sits in that patio restaurant area and they're like, he might come out today.
00:46:26.000 Oh my god, he might come out today!
00:46:28.000 And that room is hilarious.
00:46:29.000 Look how beautiful it is.
00:46:32.000 It's so grand.
00:46:32.000 There's a solid gold constitution.
00:46:34.000 Old rich people money.
00:46:36.000 That's pretty.
00:46:37.000 That's a beautiful place.
00:46:39.000 Welcome to Mar-a-Lago, the crown jewel of Palm Beach.
00:46:42.000 It's gotta be a golf course.
00:46:43.000 No, no golf course.
00:46:44.000 What?
00:46:44.000 Palm Beach is close to...
00:46:46.000 Wow, look at that.
00:46:46.000 Wow.
00:46:47.000 Close to West Palm, right?
00:46:49.000 We should have a show there.
00:46:49.000 It is, yeah.
00:46:50.000 It is.
00:46:50.000 I thought the Mellow Mushroom was there.
00:46:51.000 We should do a show at Mar-a-Lago.
00:46:53.000 That's beautiful.
00:46:54.000 We were talking about doing Protect Our Parks, if Trump would just set us up a studio.
00:46:58.000 Don't even say we're there.
00:47:00.000 He would do it.
00:47:00.000 Just a bunch of palm trees behind us.
00:47:02.000 Just doing it.
00:47:04.000 We didn't even have to tell anybody we're there.
00:47:06.000 It's like a baby being led away from sacrifice.
00:47:08.000 Just we'll occasionally talk about Florida.
00:47:12.000 Florida's great.
00:47:13.000 We had a great meal last night. 1.00
00:47:15.000 Where the fuck are you? 0.99
00:47:17.000 It was something about, I forget what it is, he had like a giant flag in the front of it, and there was like laws saying your flag couldn't be that tall, so he elevated the land. 1.00
00:47:26.000 So he elevated like a hill to put the flag on.
00:47:29.000 That's what America's about, loopholes.
00:47:30.000 It was crazy.
00:47:31.000 He's a big loophole guy.
00:47:33.000 Yo, loves a loophole.
00:47:35.000 You tell him you can't have a flag high. 1.00
00:47:37.000 Shut the fuck up. 1.00
00:47:39.000 Is the stick itself? 1.00
00:47:39.000 Is it stopping planes? 1.00
00:47:41.000 Like, what are we doing?
00:47:42.000 Maybe.
00:47:43.000 Is it an eyesore?
00:47:44.000 No, it's not that big.
00:47:46.000 Yeah, I mean, in that area, everyone loves that guy.
00:47:49.000 Look at it.
00:47:49.000 Yeah, you had to elevate the ground.
00:47:52.000 Oh.
00:47:53.000 Smart move.
00:47:54.000 It is a good move.
00:47:55.000 It's a good hack.
00:47:57.000 It was weird though.
00:47:58.000 It was very uncomfortable.
00:47:59.000 In what way?
00:48:00.000 Just seeing rich people, weird dudes wearing a MAGA hat.
00:48:04.000 Everyone's wearing a MAGA hat.
00:48:05.000 It's a lot.
00:48:06.000 With like a blazer.
00:48:07.000 Oh, that is weird.
00:48:09.000 It's a weird combination of formal dress and baseball hat. 0.97
00:48:12.000 And then just a ridiculous hat. 0.96
00:48:15.000 No one's ever done that before Trump. 0.95
00:48:17.000 Like, in terms of like a politician, like when he was on television, he had a bad hair day, just slap on the old MAGA hat.
00:48:23.000 What are you gonna do?
00:48:25.000 Yeah, you never saw a Reagan in a hat.
00:48:26.000 A baseball hat?
00:48:28.000 If he was in a hat, it'd probably be like a cowboy hat.
00:48:31.000 Let it slide.
00:48:32.000 Pretend to be a cowboy?
00:48:34.000 Yeah, he's pretending.
00:48:34.000 Like George W. Wasn't George W. from Connecticut?
00:48:38.000 Maine.
00:48:38.000 Yeah?
00:48:39.000 They're from Maine. 1.00
00:48:41.000 They're from fucking Maine. 1.00
00:48:43.000 They're Reagan with a cowboy hat. 1.00
00:48:44.000 There you go. 0.94
00:48:45.000 Trump dog. 1.00
00:48:47.000 Trump with a fucking cowboy hat. 1.00
00:48:49.000 No neck. 1.00
00:48:51.000 Clinton had a cowboy hat.
00:48:52.000 They all rock. 0.97
00:48:53.000 That finger stinks.
00:48:55.000 It's just for all their tourists or whatever. 0.65
00:48:59.000 He's dressed like Tony.
00:49:00.000 I look like you.
00:49:01.000 Reagan.
00:49:03.000 It's funny.
00:49:04.000 He's old there.
00:49:05.000 I don't know anything, but I've been watching... 0.99
00:49:06.000 Dude, on the plane I was watching the fucking... 0.98
00:49:09.000 I've been watching the Ken Burns Vietnam. 1.00
00:49:10.000 Heavy stuff. 1.00
00:49:12.000 Goddamn, dude. 1.00
00:49:12.000 I cried on the plane like a fucking idiot. 1.00
00:49:14.000 Oh, is that why you cry? 1.00
00:49:15.000 Watching a PBS doc.
00:49:17.000 You're out of meatballs.
00:49:19.000 Mark, if you're going to say nasty stuff...
00:49:21.000 I'm sorry.
00:49:21.000 That's pretty funny.
00:49:23.000 That was a nice ride, though.
00:49:25.000 I can remember when the Vietnam War ended.
00:49:27.000 Really?
00:49:27.000 Yeah, I was a little kid.
00:49:28.000 I was living in San Francisco, and I remember thinking, thank God we're never going to do war again.
00:49:32.000 Thank God it's over while I'm a child.
00:49:35.000 I remember thinking that.
00:49:36.000 Boy, glad they figured this out.
00:49:38.000 That was long.
00:49:39.000 Nine years?
00:49:41.000 Dude, from day one, they were like, we're not going to win.
00:49:43.000 Yeah.
00:49:44.000 From day one.
00:49:44.000 They just had to be there?
00:49:45.000 McNamara's in there with LBJ like, this is never going to work.
00:49:48.000 Yeah.
00:49:49.000 And they just kept doing it.
00:49:50.000 A lot of heroin out there.
00:49:51.000 Oh my god.
00:49:53.000 I mean- Why this day?
00:49:54.000 Hold on.
00:49:54.000 It had to be a part of what was going on.
00:49:57.000 I was drinking on the plane.
00:49:58.000 And I like, while watching this, I like drunk texted my uncle who got wounded in Vietnam.
00:50:03.000 I was like, where'd you get hurt?
00:50:06.000 It's like a crazy text to send.
00:50:08.000 Oh my God.
00:50:09.000 And then he explained how he got hurt and it was like, whoa.
00:50:11.000 I went to the...
00:50:12.000 How did he get hurt?
00:50:13.000 He was a forward observer for his group.
00:50:17.000 It was the battle of... 1.00
00:50:19.000 Fuck. 1.00
00:50:20.000 I'll find it. 1.00
00:50:21.000 But it was 200 US soldiers surrounded by about 3,000 Viet Cong.
00:50:26.000 Or RVN. And then he was the forward observer that was calling in coordinates.
00:50:32.000 So they were all trying to get him They got him.
00:50:36.000 They hit him with an RPG eventually.
00:50:38.000 But he was the one up front calling in the gunships, calling the artillery.
00:50:42.000 Where to go?
00:50:44.000 Oh yeah.
00:50:46.000 Wow, like a spotter and crew.
00:50:47.000 There he is!
00:50:51.000 Drang Valley Incident, 1965. Google Gillis Vietnam.
00:50:56.000 No, his last name's not Gillis.
00:50:59.000 What's crazy is the Vietnamese don't even hate Americans. 0.65
00:51:02.000 No, they hate the Chinese way more. 1.00
00:51:04.000 That shit's all past them. 1.00
00:51:05.000 Who doesn't? 1.00
00:51:05.000 They call it the American War and not the... 1.00
00:51:08.000 It was the Battle of Hill 102, aka the Battle of Que Son Valley.
00:51:14.000 65 Americans killed, 200 Americans surrounded by 2,000.
00:51:20.000 But then I was a little buzzed. 0.99
00:51:22.000 I'm asking them fucked up questions. 0.99
00:51:24.000 I'm like, what's it like? 0.99
00:51:25.000 What's it like a broadest question?
00:51:27.000 He said, what happens is you enter a zone where you just shut down your emotions and focus on what you need to do to survive and protect your men.
00:51:33.000 No time to process feelings.
00:51:34.000 There's enormous chaos, but you were acutely aware of everything.
00:51:37.000 At least that was my experience.
00:51:38.000 Wow.
00:51:39.000 He said, this is a wild response.
00:51:41.000 That's a great response.
00:51:42.000 He said, at one point there were waves of MVA running towards us, but my sole focus was to stop them from getting too close with a gunship known as Spooky.
00:51:49.000 I mowed them down as they advanced.
00:51:52.000 Without the relentless stream of fire from Spooky, we would have been overrun.
00:51:55.000 Thank God for Spooky.
00:51:56.000 Gunship. 1.00
00:51:57.000 Damn. 1.00
00:51:57.000 Wow. 1.00
00:51:57.000 Gunship saying fire to this area and they fucking light it up. 1.00
00:52:00.000 I was talking to him, he said, I was the forward observer, so my job was to keep artillery jet strikes and gunship fire raining down on the enemy. 0.91
00:52:06.000 Does he want you reading this on air?
00:52:08.000 It'll be alright.
00:52:08.000 That's why they were trying to get through me and take me out, which they eventually did, but I took a lot of them out first.
00:52:14.000 Holy shit. 1.00
00:52:15.000 I was drinking, watching the documentary on my phone, like, damn. 1.00
00:52:19.000 Smoking a joint with that guy on a porch? 1.00
00:52:21.000 Whoo! 0.78
00:52:22.000 I'll tell you.
00:52:23.000 My other uncle was in Vietnam and was like... 1.00
00:52:25.000 Spooky!
00:52:29.000 My other uncle was in Vietnam and he never talks about it.
00:52:33.000 That guy, if you ask me, he's...
00:52:35.000 They downed Spooky.
00:52:36.000 Look at that.
00:52:38.000 1968, February 15th.
00:52:40.000 Nine killed in downing of Spooky gunship.
00:52:43.000 To the Spooky.
00:52:45.000 Cheers.
00:52:46.000 Spooky.
00:52:46.000 Wow.
00:52:48.000 Ay-ay-ay.
00:52:48.000 Well, at least he's still with us.
00:52:50.000 What a fucked up war that was. 0.99
00:52:52.000 I think Segura's dad was a nom. 0.99
00:52:53.000 Was he? 1.00
00:52:54.000 What a terrible fucking dumb war. 1.00
00:52:56.000 Silly. 1.00
00:52:57.000 Waste of time. 1.00
00:52:57.000 Not only a dumb war, but a dumb war that came about because of a false flag. 1.00
00:53:03.000 Tonkin? 0.99
00:53:03.000 Yeah, Gulf of Tonkin. 0.99
00:53:04.000 They lied about an incident to try to get us into the war.
00:53:10.000 Yeah. 0.99
00:53:11.000 It's fucking great. 0.98
00:53:12.000 That's like what we were talking about before with false flags. 0.99
00:53:15.000 It really happened.
00:53:16.000 They used to do them all the time.
00:53:17.000 What'd you say?
00:53:18.000 You said they wouldn't do them here?
00:53:20.000 That's what they did.
00:53:21.000 Yeah, they 100% would.
00:53:23.000 Lesser known fact that Jim Morrison's father, Captain George Stephan Morrison, commanded the carrier division during the Gulf of Tonkin incident.
00:53:32.000 CIA. The Gulf of Tonkin incident famously gave the Johnson administration the justification they needed to escalate the Vietnam War.
00:53:39.000 J.R.R. Tonkin.
00:53:41.000 Wow, it's his dad.
00:53:42.000 Imagine that?
00:53:43.000 And your dad comes break on through to the other side?
00:53:45.000 I know, that's why he went so counter-culture.
00:53:47.000 Your son, rather, becomes that? 1.00
00:53:48.000 Yeah, he's making the music they're playing in the fucking helicopters. 1.00
00:53:51.000 Great music. 1.00
00:53:54.000 Great tunes.
00:53:55.000 The 60s was the best music.
00:53:56.000 Yeah, they got the music. 1.00
00:53:57.000 They had a lot of shit to deal with. 0.99
00:53:58.000 That was the first time I grew up. 1.00
00:53:59.000 A lot of shit to deal with and a lot of drugs. 1.00
00:54:01.000 Sure. 1.00
00:54:02.000 The drop-off is so stark, the difference between music and automobile design.
00:54:09.000 Yes! 1.00
00:54:09.000 Once they make drugs illegal, American automobile design turned into dog shit. 1.00
00:54:15.000 Oh yeah. 1.00
00:54:16.000 Straight dog shit. 1.00
00:54:17.000 Probably about 73 went down. 1.00
00:54:18.000 No, before then.
00:54:20.000 It was literally like the 71 model years, the last good year for muscle cars.
00:54:25.000 And only for Barracudas and Challengers. 0.98
00:54:29.000 By the time they got to Camaro, 71, they were already fucked. 0.99
00:54:32.000 Mustang became in the 80s, became just a dumb hatchback. 1.00
00:54:34.000 Terrible piece of shit car. 1.00
00:54:35.000 It wasn't all muscly. 1.00
00:54:37.000 Yeah, but back in the 60s, they were the most magnificent cars of all time.
00:54:41.000 Those guys nailed it.
00:54:42.000 67 and a half Mustang.
00:54:43.000 They nailed it.
00:54:44.000 69, but then once the Schedule I Drug Act happened in 1970, so you've got to realize in 1970, they're already making the 1971 model.
00:54:52.000 Right.
00:54:53.000 So you got the 1971, which is like the last good year. 1.00
00:54:56.000 Everything else is dog shit. 0.99
00:54:57.000 But how do you explain Europe? 1.00
00:54:58.000 Because Europe cars look great in the 60s and suck in the 70s.
00:55:01.000 Yeah.
00:55:01.000 And they didn't have a Vietnam.
00:55:03.000 Well, some of the best Porsches are like 73, 74. They had some amazing Porsches.
00:55:08.000 That's true.
00:55:08.000 Then that little 911 that they made back then was so light.
00:55:11.000 Is that what you got?
00:55:12.000 911?
00:55:12.000 2002. I got a Beamer.
00:55:13.000 He's got that beautiful little Beamer, that's 2002. Pull it up!
00:55:17.000 Oh my god, it's a great little car. 1.00
00:55:18.000 Fuck cars. 1.00
00:55:19.000 That's a 73, but that's the car that says Beamer. 1.00
00:55:22.000 That's such a zippy little car.
00:55:23.000 Oh, it's a go-kart.
00:55:24.000 It's a little box.
00:55:25.000 Oh my god.
00:55:26.000 Yeah, you're scooting around and it's almost like a smart car.
00:55:29.000 It's so small.
00:55:30.000 Yeah, four-cylinder engine.
00:55:32.000 It's so light.
00:55:33.000 Yeah, that's a great, great old car, man.
00:55:36.000 Someone was going to do those cars and put modern M2 engines in them.
00:55:42.000 I know we've looked at this.
00:55:43.000 I think we have.
00:55:44.000 I think every episode. 1.00
00:55:46.000 It's a fucking beautiful car. 0.98
00:55:47.000 And then I go, I have a Chevy Cruze, and then you go, let's get you a cool car. 0.99
00:55:51.000 You need a cool car.
00:55:52.000 And then I go, Chevy Cruze is cool.
00:55:53.000 Oh, you're right.
00:55:55.000 Yeah, but it's not real.
00:55:56.000 And what about R. Kelly?
00:55:58.000 We bring up Bar Kelly. 0.99
00:56:00.000 We are redundant as fuck. 0.99
00:56:02.000 We'll bring up Kanye and cut it out. 1.00
00:56:04.000 Kanye?
00:56:04.000 No, this time we don't have to cut it out.
00:56:06.000 He's back.
00:56:06.000 EA rules.
00:56:07.000 He's back with Adidas.
00:56:08.000 He's back again?
00:56:09.000 And we got a Jew here.
00:56:10.000 Yeah, he was fine for like two weeks.
00:56:11.000 People were like, oh, let's move on.
00:56:12.000 Can I get that lighter?
00:56:13.000 That's true.
00:56:14.000 But he's still removed from all social media, isn't he?
00:56:17.000 He'll be back.
00:56:17.000 He'll be back.
00:56:19.000 Really?
00:56:19.000 Yeah.
00:56:21.000 The company's like, hey, dude, just chill out for a minute.
00:56:23.000 He seems like a tough hang.
00:56:24.000 You had him on here.
00:56:25.000 Was he kind of a nightmare? 1.00
00:56:26.000 He's, you know, he's mentally ill genius. 1.00
00:56:30.000 Sure. 1.00
00:56:30.000 He can spew out, he can rant for hours. 1.00
00:56:34.000 It's like having a conversation with him, like dial him into a conversation.
00:56:37.000 It's like a volley, a back and forth volley is kind of difficult.
00:56:41.000 Yeah.
00:56:41.000 He just wants to rant.
00:56:42.000 It doesn't sound like he would be like, how's the barbecue here?
00:56:45.000 Right, none of that.
00:56:46.000 No, nothing more.
00:56:47.000 Say, I'm Walt Disney.
00:56:48.000 Oh, interesting.
00:56:50.000 Exactly.
00:56:50.000 I'm Ford.
00:56:50.000 I'm Steve Jobs.
00:56:52.000 Exactly.
00:56:53.000 H to the Izzo was pretty good.
00:56:57.000 That was pretty awesome.
00:56:59.000 Yeah.
00:56:59.000 All day.
00:57:00.000 Cold Digger?
00:57:01.000 He's got amazing songs. 0.97
00:57:03.000 Black Skinhead is one of the greatest fucking opening beats of any song ever. 0.98
00:57:06.000 That power that allowed him to create that kind of music is also what fucks him up with rants. 0.98
00:57:14.000 He winds up saying some things that are not really that thought out.
00:57:18.000 You got that right.
00:57:19.000 What's that like?
00:57:20.000 I think he's funny.
00:57:22.000 The way he dances around it. 0.99
00:57:24.000 Do you think, like, the Adidas thing is the wildest shit ever? 0.99
00:57:28.000 He'll be back. 0.99
00:57:29.000 Everybody cut ties with him?
00:57:29.000 You think they'll be back with him?
00:57:30.000 Wait, Jamie, isn't that going on?
00:57:32.000 I heard they're already back.
00:57:33.000 Kanye and Adidas are back on.
00:57:36.000 According to the internet.
00:57:37.000 Who is it?
00:57:38.000 Who is it?
00:57:39.000 Who is it?
00:57:39.000 He can't say that.
00:57:40.000 It's crazy.
00:57:41.000 It's been rumors online that it's happening.
00:57:42.000 Kanye and Adidas partnership could be back on.
00:57:45.000 It hurts us flat, according to the internet.
00:57:47.000 Less than two weeks ago was revealed that German sportswear label could lose up to $1 billion in revenue as a result of the split.
00:57:54.000 According to the industry analysts gauging leftover stock, rumors are now suggesting that it all is not lost between the pair.
00:58:01.000 These rumblings are coming from ardent Yeezy fans wishing for their faves to reunite, not from Yee or Adidas themselves. 0.99
00:58:09.000 Oh, fuck that. 0.99
00:58:10.000 That's not real. 1.00
00:58:11.000 Also, it's gotta feel good for the Jewish community to be like, nah, these Germans are losing a fucking billion dollars. 1.00
00:58:18.000 That's right. 0.99
00:58:19.000 We're going up to the wrong source.
00:58:20.000 We got you in the end.
00:58:21.000 Gotcha.
00:58:21.000 That's what's crazy.
00:58:22.000 He was out of line, but you guys were started by Nazis. 0.87
00:58:26.000 Literally.
00:58:26.000 I lost a job over some racist tweet a long time ago about IBM. They were like, you can't do an IBM commercial.
00:58:32.000 And I'm like, you made processing to let the Jews get processed faster. 0.69
00:58:37.000 But that's why.
00:58:38.000 They can't have any more.
00:58:39.000 That was the last straw.
00:58:41.000 Enough, they said.
00:58:43.000 What was the tweet?
00:58:45.000 Here we go.
00:58:46.000 I bet it wasn't funny.
00:58:49.000 Let's nip it.
00:58:51.000 What?
00:58:52.000 What's wrong with that?
00:58:53.000 What?
00:58:54.000 I bet IBM was right.
00:59:00.000 What is that? 1.00
00:59:02.000 What are you spazzin', throwing shit? 1.00
00:59:03.000 What do you got, Whippets? 1.00
00:59:04.000 What are you talking about?
00:59:07.000 Did you really bring Whippets? 1.00
00:59:08.000 Just some Whippets, bro. 1.00
00:59:10.000 Dude, those give you brain damage.
00:59:12.000 Hand it over.
00:59:13.000 You don't need that in your life.
00:59:15.000 I'm not throwing a Whippet.
00:59:16.000 You're gonna do Whippets? 1.00
00:59:18.000 What are you, 12?
00:59:19.000 I used to do Whippets when I worked at Newport Creamery.
00:59:22.000 When I worked at an ice cream store.
00:59:23.000 Yeah, we did that.
00:59:26.000 I didn't like it.
00:59:27.000 Oh, it's the best.
00:59:28.000 It just gives you a headache.
00:59:29.000 It's not really a great radio.
00:59:30.000 What a fun surprise, though.
00:59:31.000 You're really doing this?
00:59:32.000 I heard somebody go, uh, one for ten, three for twenty?
00:59:35.000 You have machines? 0.99
00:59:36.000 Look, you have little gauges and shit. 0.99
00:59:38.000 Where do you buy this? 1.00
00:59:39.000 Any headshot.
00:59:39.000 What's wrong with you?
00:59:40.000 What?
00:59:40.000 It explodes.
00:59:42.000 What if it explodes?
00:59:43.000 It's compressed gas.
00:59:45.000 What if that explodes and you lose your fingers?
00:59:47.000 Oh, you're going to do it out of a balloon?
00:59:50.000 Why are you excited about this?
00:59:51.000 I'm happy he's doing it. 1.00
00:59:52.000 Why don't you just suck on it? 1.00
00:59:55.000 Why do you have to use the balloon? 0.99
00:59:56.000 Mike Rowland came by and he saw us on the stoop right by the cell.
00:59:58.000 He goes, like the older comics, he goes, are you guys doing whippets on a stoop?
01:00:02.000 Tell me what the whippets do. 1.00
01:00:05.000 It just makes everything giggly for a minute.
01:00:07.000 But doesn't it give you brain damage?
01:00:08.000 For like 30 seconds.
01:00:10.000 Google does whippets give you brain damage. 1.00
01:00:11.000 No, don't do that while you're doing drugs.
01:00:13.000 No, no, definitely do it.
01:00:14.000 Do it after he does it.
01:00:14.000 I need to know because I'm considering doing it.
01:00:16.000 Oh, you should definitely do a whippet. 1.00
01:00:19.000 Well, I need to know if it gives you brain damage.
01:00:21.000 Whoa! 0.71
01:00:22.000 Easy, big fella. 0.78
01:00:24.000 Don't do a whippet.
01:00:25.000 No, you need to take the edge off.
01:00:27.000 I know, that's what I'm saying, right?
01:00:28.000 Yeah, this is a cold plunge in one package.
01:00:30.000 I take it back, I take it back.
01:00:31.000 Please do a Whippet, dude. 1.00
01:00:32.000 Let's go.
01:00:33.000 Yeah.
01:00:34.000 Let's go.
01:00:34.000 Is this legal?
01:00:36.000 No.
01:00:38.000 You're gonna forget how to play pool.
01:00:40.000 Okay, do Whippets kill brain cells? 1.00
01:00:42.000 Researchers have made clear that Whippets can deprive the heart and brain of much-needed oxygen. 1.00
01:00:46.000 Fuck it. 1.00
01:00:47.000 Yeah, but... 1.00
01:00:47.000 Oh, alright. 1.00
01:00:48.000 Temporarily.
01:00:49.000 So it is everything.
01:00:50.000 What if you're into choke sex?
01:00:51.000 Ah, exactly. 0.99
01:00:53.000 Whoa, he did it!
01:00:54.000 The whole thing?
01:00:54.000 He's gonna faint.
01:00:56.000 What's it doing to you?
01:01:02.000 Wouldn't it be great if he was hilarious?
01:01:04.000 Like it turned him funny?
01:01:06.000 What is it doing to you?
01:01:09.000 This is gonna be a Guinness record for the oldest Jew to do a whippet. 1.00
01:01:16.000 Can you describe it?
01:01:18.000 Can you describe it?
01:01:20.000 Whoa, he's gone!
01:01:21.000 Look how hard he's laughing.
01:01:23.000 Oh, this is gonna help your IBM sales.
01:01:26.000 IBM was right, dude.
01:01:28.000 Irritable bowel. 0.98
01:01:29.000 Memory loss, vitamin B depletion, long-term depletion causes brain and nerve damage. 1.00
01:01:37.000 Oh, wow, he's fucked up. 1.00
01:01:39.000 Fuck it, fuck it, dude. 1.00
01:01:41.000 It can be both illegal and dangerous. 1.00
01:01:44.000 Using nitrous can have serious health consequences including seizures, permanent nerve damage and even death.
01:01:54.000 Seizure salad.
01:01:56.000 We did that one before.
01:02:01.000 Julia's seizure.
01:02:03.000 So what did it do for you?
01:02:07.000 You're still going?
01:02:08.000 No.
01:02:09.000 Is it over?
01:02:10.000 I don't want you to have a Hamlin. 1.00
01:02:11.000 Oh my god.
01:02:12.000 So what happened?
01:02:13.000 You just start going.
01:02:14.000 Jamie's done him.
01:02:15.000 You've done him.
01:02:16.000 He's fine.
01:02:16.000 It's just like...
01:02:17.000 What did he do?
01:02:22.000 Try to explain what he did.
01:02:23.000 It just makes everything warbly.
01:02:27.000 And then it just like...
01:02:28.000 I don't know.
01:02:29.000 You just start laughing.
01:02:29.000 Are you back, a hundo?
01:02:30.000 I'm back, a hundo.
01:02:31.000 Alright. 1.00
01:02:32.000 Good to have you back, fucking hat. 1.00
01:02:35.000 So you feel dumber or what? 1.00
01:02:36.000 No, I feel fine. 0.98
01:02:37.000 You don't feel like it gave you any brain damage? 0.99
01:02:39.000 I was always pretty dumber, dude. 0.98
01:02:39.000 Do like 30 whippets. 0.98
01:02:40.000 You're going to do another one?
01:02:41.000 No, I'm going to light it up for somebody else.
01:02:42.000 It's all boxed.
01:02:43.000 It's like in a sleeve of Oreos.
01:02:44.000 This is highly illegal, I think.
01:02:45.000 It's not illegal at all.
01:02:46.000 You can buy it at any head shop.
01:02:47.000 I think it's illegal.
01:02:50.000 Whippet wave washes campus five days ago.
01:02:53.000 That's true. 0.99
01:02:54.000 That's going to fuck someone up on a whippet. 1.00
01:02:57.000 Oh my god. 1.00
01:02:58.000 They call them whomps.
01:03:00.000 Look at that.
01:03:00.000 That's what I know.
01:03:02.000 Okay, for years nitrous oxide has been used for quick highs, also known as laughing gas, whippets, or whomps among students.
01:03:09.000 Tulane!
01:03:09.000 That's New Orleans!
01:03:10.000 The use and abuse of the inhalant is growing. 1.00
01:03:13.000 Oh shit, they're hot right now. 0.99
01:03:15.000 How illegal is it? 1.00
01:03:18.000 We'll be alright.
01:03:19.000 He bought them.
01:03:19.000 We'll be alright.
01:03:20.000 Just blaring it out. 1.00
01:03:21.000 I'm not doing that shit. 1.00
01:03:22.000 Just hold on to it though. 0.99
01:03:23.000 You're gonna just hold on to it.
01:03:24.000 Nah, I know what you're doing. 0.98
01:03:25.000 You're gonna make me hold it and then you're gonna call me gay and I'm gonna do it. 1.00
01:03:27.000 You are gay. 1.00
01:03:29.000 You got it down. 1.00
01:03:30.000 I'm not going to do it.
01:03:31.000 You know the pattern.
01:03:32.000 I'm going to stand my ground on this.
01:03:33.000 No, you got to try.
01:03:34.000 You can't be that guy.
01:03:35.000 What about like a halfie? 1.00
01:03:36.000 Can I do a halfie? 0.95
01:03:36.000 You got to do the whole thing. 0.95
01:03:37.000 It's not that big.
01:03:38.000 It's not that big a deal.
01:03:39.000 It's not that big a deal, says Ari. 0.99
01:03:41.000 The last thing I want to do is have a seizure on the fucking Joe Rogan. 0.94
01:03:45.000 If we lost Norman because of this, a major enabler of Whippet uses accessibility. 0.96
01:03:51.000 The minimum age requirement to purchase a whipped cream charger is either 18 or 21, depending on the state.
01:03:57.000 In New Orleans.
01:03:57.000 In New Orleans.
01:03:58.000 Women's whippets are widely available in areas where students frequent.
01:04:01.000 My friends did have grown up.
01:04:03.000 What do I do?
01:04:04.000 I just inhale?
01:04:04.000 Hold on, I'll do it with you.
01:04:06.000 You gotta do the whole thing.
01:04:07.000 It says long-term use can lead to vitamin B12 deficiency, which also leads to neuropathies, numbness, trouble, walking, irritability, fatigue.
01:04:18.000 Yeah, but that's like if you're doing it every day.
01:04:21.000 You'll be totally fine.
01:04:22.000 But your dad's a rabbi. 1.00
01:04:23.000 He didn't want to see you doing this shit. 1.00
01:04:25.000 It's very cold. 1.00
01:04:26.000 On the hands.
01:04:27.000 This guy was in Hebrew school.
01:04:28.000 Are you doing it?
01:04:29.000 I guess.
01:04:30.000 Wait, hold on.
01:04:31.000 I'll come with you.
01:04:31.000 I don't think it's legal.
01:04:32.000 It's totally legal.
01:04:33.000 Jamie, is it legal?
01:04:35.000 I can.
01:04:35.000 It's a lot of air.
01:04:36.000 You got it.
01:04:37.000 I'm not a lawyer.
01:04:38.000 Spy balloon. 1.00
01:04:41.000 Maybe we just, like, shit and put a video on them while they're doing it. 0.99
01:04:43.000 I'm not. 0.99
01:04:44.000 So we can deny.
01:04:45.000 Deny, deny, deny.
01:04:47.000 It's just balloons.
01:04:47.000 They're just breathing in a helium.
01:04:49.000 Make a theater.
01:04:50.000 March 24th, New York City.
01:04:58.000 Norman, how is it?
01:05:02.000 Norman, isn't it good?
01:05:04.000 Is it good?
01:05:05.000 It's just blurry and scary.
01:05:08.000 Scary?
01:05:08.000 This is bad.
01:05:09.000 Is it bad?
01:05:10.000 This is bad.
01:05:11.000 I'm going to a dark place. 1.00
01:05:14.000 You guys are afraid of the gravity bombs if you're doing fucking whippets. 1.00
01:05:16.000 I'm not doing fucking either, bro. 1.00
01:05:18.000 Don't do it. 0.99
01:05:19.000 It's bad. 1.00
01:05:21.000 These suck. 1.00
01:05:22.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:05:23.000 Let's do coke next time.
01:05:24.000 Yeah.
01:05:25.000 That's way better.
01:05:25.000 Next time.
01:05:26.000 We got it here.
01:05:29.000 I would not do it.
01:05:31.000 I don't do that stuff. 0.99
01:05:33.000 Anyway, my uncle was surrounded by fucking Charlie. 0.98
01:05:36.000 And Harold. 1.00
01:05:36.000 That's crazy. 1.00
01:05:38.000 What was his...
01:05:38.000 Did you ever talk to him about his transition period from coming back?
01:05:41.000 What?
01:05:42.000 He transitioned? 0.69
01:05:42.000 He had a tough time. 0.69
01:05:44.000 Yeah, that must have been hard.
01:05:45.000 He came back...
01:05:45.000 Yeah.
01:05:48.000 I was just joking.
01:05:49.000 It's funny to talk about a serious subject while...
01:05:52.000 Alright, I think we had enough.
01:05:54.000 Ari has not had enough.
01:05:55.000 He's going to keep going.
01:05:56.000 You just gave me this.
01:05:57.000 I can't remember yesterday.
01:05:59.000 So you didn't like it?
01:06:00.000 I don't like it.
01:06:02.000 I just got real blurry and my brain went away for like two seconds.
01:06:07.000 Interesting.
01:06:09.000 Not a fan.
01:06:10.000 No.
01:06:10.000 I didn't laugh.
01:06:11.000 Oh, man.
01:06:12.000 You didn't get enough in.
01:06:13.000 You got brain damage, bro.
01:06:14.000 I was doing it with Sal.
01:06:15.000 Sal breathed a little bit in and he's like, it's not working.
01:06:17.000 My voice is exactly the same. 1.00
01:06:19.000 You're going to have Sal fucking dick. 1.00
01:06:23.000 Helium. 1.00
01:06:24.000 Good comedy club.
01:06:25.000 Hey, hey.
01:06:27.000 He's gonna tie it up for later.
01:06:28.000 There you go. 1.00
01:06:29.000 Put that in your ass. 1.00
01:06:30.000 Good luck untying that. 1.00
01:06:31.000 You ever untie a balloon?
01:06:32.000 It's almost impossible.
01:06:33.000 You gotta do it halfway.
01:06:34.000 Yeah, the old balloon nut.
01:06:38.000 Whoever came up with a balloon knot was nailed it. 0.99
01:06:40.000 You tried to show me your butt this morning, dude. 1.00
01:06:43.000 I did try to show you my butt. 1.00
01:06:44.000 I knocked on his door. 1.00
01:06:45.000 He was fucking assinated. 1.00
01:06:46.000 That old Jewish dick was out there. 1.00
01:06:48.000 That thing's fucking nice dick. 1.00
01:06:51.000 Big old. 1.00
01:06:51.000 Big dick. 1.00
01:06:52.000 That thing looked like my boner. 1.00
01:06:53.000 That thing, that was hurtful. 1.00
01:06:55.000 He's got big balls, too. 1.00
01:06:56.000 Yeah, he's got giant, saggy dick and nuts. 1.00
01:06:59.000 They sag so hard. 1.00
01:07:00.000 And then he was like, wait, wait, I want to show you. 1.00
01:07:02.000 He was trying to show me his asshole. 1.00
01:07:04.000 I was like, dude, fuck no. 1.00
01:07:06.000 He didn't wait at all. 1.00
01:07:09.000 Don't you have like a disastrous asshole? 1.00
01:07:11.000 It's the worst one. 1.00
01:07:12.000 You have like an East Palestine asshole. 1.00
01:07:13.000 It's the worst one. 1.00
01:07:16.000 Get Pete Buttigieg to look at it.
01:07:19.000 Buttigieg will get in there.
01:07:20.000 He'll get in there.
01:07:21.000 The jeweler's loop.
01:07:22.000 Let me check it out.
01:07:23.000 Let me change some laws.
01:07:24.000 Red Band made a video of it back in the day. 1.00
01:07:26.000 Yeah, your ass looks terrible. 1.00
01:07:27.000 I remember that video. 1.00
01:07:28.000 I saw that video.
01:07:29.000 It looked like Homer Simpson's mouth. 1.00
01:07:31.000 Yeah, it looked like a pussy. 1.00
01:07:32.000 That's what it looks like. 1.00
01:07:33.000 Homer Simpson's mouth.
01:07:34.000 Oh yeah, they changed it.
01:07:35.000 Oh my god.
01:07:36.000 It looks like a cheeseburger.
01:07:37.000 Is that what it always looks like?
01:07:38.000 Sometimes.
01:07:40.000 I had hemorrhoids then.
01:07:41.000 The best was the early Legion of Skanks in the back door of the creek. 1.00
01:07:44.000 I remember that. 1.00
01:07:44.000 And they were like, Lewis, like, my asshole's terrible. 1.00
01:07:47.000 And then after they're like, oh, let's look at Lewis's asshole. 1.00
01:07:49.000 I'm like, what's it, Ari, why are you being quiet? 0.99
01:07:50.000 I'm like, because mine will be the worst one.
01:07:53.000 Yeah.
01:07:53.000 Sort of like you guys get out of the way.
01:07:55.000 Yeah.
01:07:55.000 Did you show it?
01:07:56.000 Yeah.
01:07:57.000 They were disgusted. 1.00
01:07:58.000 We had to look at each other's assholes. 1.00
01:07:59.000 No pushbacks was the rule. 1.00
01:08:02.000 Early skanks. 0.99
01:08:03.000 Early skanks. 0.99
01:08:04.000 Yeah, it's a hemorrhoid.
01:08:06.000 Why can't you push back?
01:08:07.000 Get out of there.
01:08:10.000 You're forward observers.
01:08:11.000 You're like my uncle. 1.00
01:08:12.000 You know what's weird when the asshole winks? 1.00
01:08:16.000 When it squeezes on you? 1.00
01:08:17.000 When you flex it, it winks.
01:08:19.000 I think we're all doing it right now.
01:08:21.000 I'm doing it.
01:08:21.000 I think every one of us is doing it.
01:08:23.000 It's pretty fun.
01:08:24.000 Philadelphia Giggles.
01:08:26.000 Hey.
01:08:27.000 So what did your uncle do to, like, what was it like when he came back?
01:08:32.000 I think he came back and he had a very stressful job.
01:08:36.000 What'd he do? 1.00
01:08:37.000 Fuck it. 1.00
01:08:38.000 It's pretty, once I tell you what he did, it's specific. 1.00
01:08:41.000 He was like fucking Forrest Gump, dude. 0.97
01:08:44.000 He was in... 0.99
01:08:45.000 Three Mile Island, he was at the World Trade Center, he was in Vietnam.
01:08:47.000 What?
01:08:48.000 Jesus Christ. 1.00
01:08:49.000 He's retarded. 1.00
01:08:50.000 What? 1.00
01:08:50.000 He was everywhere? 1.00
01:08:51.000 Oh, he's an incredible story.
01:08:53.000 Connect the dots.
01:08:55.000 Shrimp reels, shrimp fish, shrimp rice.
01:08:56.000 I think I was reading an article about it, because he's pretty popular.
01:09:00.000 And he was describing how his job was very stressful, because he worked in Wall Street. 0.98
01:09:06.000 And he thought he was like blaming all his stress on Wall Street, and then it was like clearly it was you got hit with a fucking RPG and almost died. 0.99
01:09:14.000 Yikes. 0.99
01:09:15.000 And you mowed people down in Vietnam. 0.63
01:09:17.000 And then he went back to Vietnam and saw it and was like, oh, this is all of my problems. 1.00
01:09:22.000 Right.
01:09:23.000 So he went back?
01:09:24.000 He went back.
01:09:25.000 What?
01:09:25.000 He went to exactly where he was.
01:09:27.000 No way.
01:09:28.000 Imagine getting out and going back.
01:09:30.000 What a nightmare.
01:09:31.000 I think he said he felt bad because he got wounded pretty severely.
01:09:35.000 Like his calf got blown off. 0.92
01:09:36.000 He's missing a nipple. 0.94
01:09:37.000 He's what? 0.98
01:09:38.000 He got drilled.
01:09:38.000 He's Miss Pat?
01:09:40.000 He's Miss Pat.
01:09:42.000 But he was like, I was too reckless and now I'm not with my men.
01:09:45.000 And he held that against himself.
01:09:47.000 Was he a drug addict and whatnot?
01:09:49.000 I don't know about drugs.
01:09:50.000 I know alcohol.
01:09:51.000 For sure.
01:09:52.000 He was too reckless.
01:09:53.000 He was like, I was too reckless. 0.96
01:09:55.000 I fucked that up. 0.90
01:09:57.000 Now I'm not with my men. 0.99
01:09:58.000 So he was like holding that against himself.
01:10:00.000 And then he saw what happened and where he was.
01:10:02.000 And he was like, of course I got wounded.
01:10:06.000 They were coming at me.
01:10:07.000 People shooting at me.
01:10:08.000 Yeah.
01:10:08.000 They knew I was the guy calling in the airstrux.
01:10:10.000 Blew his calf off.
01:10:12.000 Yeah, his legs. 1.00
01:10:12.000 He's literally missing his fucking calf. 1.00
01:10:15.000 Nipples off. 1.00
01:10:16.000 Yeah.
01:10:17.000 Calf in half.
01:10:18.000 Jesus!
01:10:19.000 Calf in half!
01:10:21.000 Jesus Christ!
01:10:23.000 He can't help himself!
01:10:24.000 He's a pun machine!
01:10:26.000 Calfway house! 0.90
01:10:28.000 Super Bowl calf time.
01:10:30.000 The calf time show.
01:10:31.000 We saw it.
01:10:32.000 We were there on shrooms.
01:10:34.000 Rihanna.
01:10:35.000 Ironically, that's the name of the guy who shot him.
01:10:38.000 Rihanna.
01:10:39.000 I knew you'd like it.
01:10:39.000 I knew you'd like it.
01:10:40.000 I knew you'd like it.
01:10:41.000 I can do a little bit of you.
01:10:43.000 Take it on.
01:10:44.000 Yeah, I can try. 0.99
01:10:45.000 Go nuts.
01:10:45.000 Apparently, Vietnam is one of the most amazing places to visit.
01:10:48.000 I loved it.
01:10:49.000 Yeah?
01:10:50.000 Yeah.
01:10:51.000 Where'd you go?
01:10:52.000 I started in Saigon, Ho Chi Minh.
01:10:54.000 Ho Chi Minh, that's what they call it.
01:10:55.000 And then I went to the south, to some tiny town, away from backpackers.
01:11:00.000 I was getting sick of everybody. 1.00
01:11:01.000 You get sick of all the fucking tourists. 1.00
01:11:03.000 Whites, yeah. 1.00
01:11:04.000 Really?
01:11:05.000 District 1 of Ho Chi Minh is like TGI Friday.
01:11:08.000 It's whatever.
01:11:08.000 What?
01:11:08.000 Yeah, they have the War Remnants Museum.
01:11:11.000 It's the Vietnam War Memorial Museum.
01:11:12.000 And they have a GI outside. 0.56
01:11:14.000 He was like, it's all propaganda in there.
01:11:16.000 Because it just talks about the senators who later came out and said, like, oh yeah, I killed like 50 innocent people once.
01:11:21.000 Look at a bucket of ice.
01:11:22.000 Yeah, what was that?
01:11:23.000 There was one senator that they were applauding him as a war hero, and then finally he just said, I have to come clean. 0.99
01:11:30.000 Yeah, I got some shit. 0.99
01:11:32.000 Oh, I don't remember that. 1.00
01:11:32.000 Yeah, he's like, I raped a bunch of people, killed a bunch of innocent people, we just went down and mowed out of it. 1.00
01:11:36.000 And he was like running on the fact that he's a hero. 0.99
01:11:38.000 And then he was like, oh, I have to see him do it.
01:11:40.000 Yeah, when Jamie comes back, we'll figure out who that guy was. 0.98
01:11:44.000 That Ken Burns Vietnam, though, is fucking wild. 0.98
01:11:47.000 It's very dense. 0.99
01:11:47.000 I tried to watch it the first time. 0.99
01:11:49.000 I've watched, like, it is dense.
01:11:51.000 Yeah. 0.99
01:11:51.000 Then once you get into it, it's like, god damn. 0.99
01:11:54.000 Was it 12 hours? 0.99
01:11:55.000 Something like that? 0.99
01:11:55.000 So fucking long. 0.99
01:11:56.000 Great for flights. 0.99
01:11:57.000 Yeah.
01:11:57.000 And the pandemic.
01:11:59.000 Yeah.
01:11:59.000 The Bombay sandwich there is amazing.
01:12:02.000 It's the fresh bread.
01:12:02.000 They got that from the French.
01:12:03.000 What's it called?
01:12:04.000 Bon me.
01:12:05.000 Bon me.
01:12:06.000 Yeah.
01:12:09.000 Mark Norman's infecting you.
01:12:11.000 Yeah, I can do it.
01:12:12.000 Spreading his spores on you.
01:12:14.000 I can try.
01:12:14.000 Yeah.
01:12:16.000 To do me, you gotta go, it's gay. 1.00
01:12:19.000 Yeah. 0.99
01:12:20.000 That's it, dude. 1.00
01:12:21.000 Fuck, bro. 1.00
01:12:22.000 Yeah, what the fuck? 1.00
01:12:23.000 I would never do that. 1.00
01:12:23.000 Fuck, bro. 1.00
01:12:25.000 No. 1.00
01:12:27.000 Yeah, it's pretty good.
01:12:28.000 Thank you.
01:12:28.000 It's funny.
01:12:29.000 No works.
01:12:31.000 Learn to whip it?
01:12:32.000 No.
01:12:33.000 No.
01:12:34.000 Thank you, J-Bo.
01:12:36.000 Thank you, Jamie.
01:12:36.000 Jamie, can you look up whoever that senator was that told the story about how they were trying to make him out to be a hero in Vietnam, and he was like, I can't do this.
01:12:47.000 And he told his actual true story of what happened over there.
01:12:51.000 Yeah. 0.97
01:12:51.000 What about the Senators with the gay tap under the stall? 0.97
01:12:54.000 Oh, that guy was great. 1.00
01:12:55.000 Oh, that was a thing that they were doing in, like, restrooms of, like, airports and shit, right? 0.98
01:13:01.000 Yeah. 0.99
01:13:02.000 Yes. 1.00
01:13:02.000 Fucking, how do they even work that out? 1.00
01:13:05.000 How do you risk that? 1.00
01:13:05.000 What a Hail Mary. 1.00
01:13:06.000 It's a Hail Mary.
01:13:07.000 Well, but if you don't know the code.
01:13:08.000 I think that's part of the fun.
01:13:10.000 I don't know who this is going to be.
01:13:12.000 I think these guys are on drugs, too.
01:13:14.000 Imagine having just, I don't care who's on the other end of the stall.
01:13:18.000 But you gotta try it.
01:13:19.000 It's a nice mouth.
01:13:20.000 Just be like, I like your shoes, let's go.
01:13:21.000 But you have anonymity.
01:13:23.000 Yeah.
01:13:24.000 It's pretty good.
01:13:25.000 Blumenthal's words differ from history.
01:13:26.000 John Blumenthal from Walking Dead?
01:13:29.000 Oh, no, this is the guy that didn't actually serve in Vietnam.
01:13:31.000 He lied about it.
01:13:32.000 This is a different guy.
01:13:34.000 This was a guy who...
01:13:36.000 So funny.
01:13:38.000 He was running as a war hero, and then...
01:13:42.000 He won as a war hero.
01:13:43.000 And then, yeah, he got in?
01:13:45.000 Yeah, he was ran for, I think, what I remember from this memorial, he was a long-time senator.
01:13:50.000 Whoa, is that Jay Leno?
01:13:51.000 No, no, no.
01:13:51.000 Oh, it's John Kerry.
01:13:53.000 Holy shit. 0.99
01:13:54.000 I don't think that's it. 0.99
01:13:55.000 He was a guy who said he was part of the, not the Rape of Nan King, some well-known thing.
01:13:59.000 He was like, that was me, that was all of my guys. 0.99
01:14:02.000 We fucking did horrible, horrible things. 0.99
01:14:05.000 Pop quiz. 1.00
01:14:07.000 Who's the only president not to serve?
01:14:09.000 In the military?
01:14:10.000 Trump.
01:14:11.000 And?
01:14:12.000 The Vietnamese government has accused Senator Bob Carrey.
01:14:16.000 No, it was somebody who came out on his own.
01:14:18.000 Oh, alright.
01:14:19.000 Whatever.
01:14:19.000 We probably shouldn't mention that.
01:14:20.000 Not to serve?
01:14:22.000 Carrey out.
01:14:23.000 No, Lincoln wasn't in the army, was he?
01:14:26.000 There's a bunch of those guys that won.
01:14:28.000 George Washington.
01:14:29.000 Adams.
01:14:29.000 No, he was definitely in.
01:14:30.000 Washington.
01:14:31.000 What are you kidding?
01:14:32.000 He wasn't a country.
01:14:33.000 Biggest general.
01:14:34.000 Adams. 0.77
01:14:36.000 But yeah, the gay code is nice, because you don't have to, like, hang out.
01:14:40.000 Yeah, just like Sia. 1.00
01:14:41.000 Yeah.
01:14:41.000 What a weird pickup move.
01:14:43.000 That's genius. 0.95
01:14:44.000 The gays, they know what they're doing. 1.00
01:14:45.000 Lincoln and his troops served for 30 days to not see any action in the war. 0.92
01:14:49.000 That counts.
01:14:49.000 The Elvis Presley of war.
01:14:50.000 Trump went to a military school.
01:14:52.000 All right, all right.
01:14:53.000 Trump went to a military school?
01:14:55.000 He went to a military academy.
01:14:56.000 It's a party.
01:14:57.000 It's a weekend party there.
01:14:58.000 I bet they party.
01:15:00.000 Handsome guy. 1.00
01:15:00.000 Bring up Trump and his fucking uniform. 1.00
01:15:03.000 Oh, he cleaned up. 1.00
01:15:03.000 You're gonna laugh. 1.00
01:15:04.000 You're gonna go, God damn, not bad. 0.99
01:15:06.000 Whoa! 0.99
01:15:07.000 I don't know about that.
01:15:08.000 Not bad.
01:15:09.000 For a billionaire?
01:15:10.000 That's pretty handsome.
01:15:11.000 Have you seen billionaires?
01:15:12.000 I think Elon's better looking.
01:15:14.000 Look at Trump dog, dude. 1.00
01:15:16.000 He'd stab you with a sword, dude. 1.00
01:15:19.000 I even knew back then. 0.99
01:15:19.000 Put him in a night yellow uniform. 0.99
01:15:21.000 Is that a band?
01:15:22.000 You forget how old he is.
01:15:25.000 I showered with Donald Trump at military school.
01:15:29.000 What a weird story. 1.00
01:15:32.000 He's got little hands and a little penis. 1.00
01:15:35.000 I heard he's back. 1.00
01:15:36.000 You guys know I went to West Point.
01:15:38.000 That's right.
01:15:39.000 Play football there. 0.99
01:15:40.000 You know how dumb I looked in those uniforms? 0.99
01:15:42.000 Pull that up. 0.99
01:15:43.000 I want to see that chin going over the collar.
01:15:45.000 I got them at home.
01:15:46.000 Do you? 1.00
01:15:47.000 Dude, at ease, or at attention, my fucking fat head. 1.00
01:15:52.000 It's so bad, dude. 1.00
01:15:54.000 Your mom must have liked it.
01:15:55.000 My family was like, you're a hero.
01:15:58.000 But then they saw me in the uniform and everyone was still kind of like, Jesus Christ.
01:16:04.000 Of course, my mom was like, you look so handsome.
01:16:06.000 Yeah, you look sharp.
01:16:07.000 What did they think when you got into comedy?
01:16:09.000 Oh, yeah.
01:16:11.000 I think they were happy I was doing anything.
01:16:14.000 Same.
01:16:14.000 Yeah, they were like, nice.
01:16:16.000 And then right before things started going well, they were like, all right.
01:16:20.000 What are you going to actually do?
01:16:21.000 Same here.
01:16:22.000 Yeah.
01:16:23.000 Even when it's going well.
01:16:25.000 Yeah.
01:16:26.000 Now it's funny.
01:16:26.000 I like to tell my dad.
01:16:27.000 Because usually anytime I would go to a show, he'd be like, how much are they paying you?
01:16:31.000 I'd be like, I'm driving to Cleveland.
01:16:33.000 No, you can't tell him that.
01:16:34.000 He'd be like, how much are they paying you?
01:16:34.000 I'd be like, $200.
01:16:36.000 He's like, what the fuck are you doing? 0.99
01:16:38.000 Now I like to be like, Phil, guess how much money they pay me? 1.00
01:16:41.000 Yeah.
01:16:42.000 Yeah, you call him Phil?
01:16:43.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:16:43.000 I go, don't make me buy your house right now.
01:16:46.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:16:51.000 But they were motherfuckers. 1.00
01:16:52.000 But could you imagine your kid wants to be a comic? 1.00
01:16:55.000 My mom told me.
01:16:57.000 She was like, what are you trying to do?
01:16:58.000 I'm trying to become a paid record at the comic store.
01:17:00.000 She goes, how much do you make for that?
01:17:01.000 I'm like, $15 a spot.
01:17:02.000 She was like, oh, you can't live on that.
01:17:05.000 I know that.
01:17:06.000 Here I am, 50, doing whippets. 1.00
01:17:09.000 Shut up, idiot. 1.00
01:17:10.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:17:15.000 If your kid was going to do that, if your kid was going to go into comedy, what are the odds of success?
01:17:20.000 They're so low.
01:17:21.000 It's crazy.
01:17:22.000 I would talk him out of it.
01:17:23.000 If your kid wants to be a lawyer, you're like, yeah, if you study hard, you can go to law school, you can actually be a lawyer.
01:17:27.000 There's a path.
01:17:28.000 You can make it there.
01:17:29.000 But also, if you're a bad lawyer, it's not nearly as embarrassing as if you're a biotopic.
01:17:32.000 No, you need to tell them.
01:17:33.000 My parents saw me do stand-up in Harrisburg.
01:17:37.000 They came to a show where they were like one of 12 people in the audience.
01:17:42.000 Oh, no. 0.98
01:17:43.000 My closing joke was like, would you rather get shot in the head or 69 with your dad? 1.00
01:17:49.000 No way. 1.00
01:17:51.000 That joke kills.
01:17:52.000 That joke kills.
01:17:53.000 I can imagine that kills. 1.00
01:17:56.000 Everybody wants to say you would never suck your dad's dick, but that gun comes out, you and your dad get awfully friendly. 1.00
01:18:01.000 You gotta bring that bit back. 1.00
01:18:02.000 Me and my dad are big.
01:18:03.000 We would do it standing. 1.00
01:18:04.000 I'd flip his old ass up. 1.00
01:18:06.000 Ah! 1.00
01:18:07.000 His new balances would be kicking in the air. 0.99
01:18:09.000 My dad was in the front row like, God damn it! 0.99
01:18:13.000 Jesus Christ! 0.99
01:18:16.000 Far away from West Point.
01:18:18.000 Yeah, West Point was like three years before that. 0.99
01:18:21.000 If your parents are like fucking sober, normal people, and then you enter into that world, and you're talking that kind of shit on stage, Well, my dad's not a sober... 1.00
01:18:30.000 No. 1.00
01:18:31.000 Yeah, that's not the issue. 1.00
01:18:32.000 Goes to the fucking Elks. 1.00
01:18:33.000 Oh, the Elks are fun. 1.00
01:18:36.000 But...
01:18:36.000 But he's a normal person.
01:18:38.000 That's crazy.
01:18:38.000 It's crazy.
01:18:39.000 Talking about sucking your dad's dick on a fucking stage. 1.00
01:18:41.000 In front of regular people! 1.00
01:18:42.000 They brought their friends.
01:18:45.000 They brought another couple.
01:18:47.000 When I said that joke, I vividly remember my mom just goes, oh no!
01:18:56.000 That's brutal.
01:18:58.000 I wouldn't let him come see me.
01:18:59.000 It was too much.
01:19:00.000 I told him never to come again.
01:19:02.000 And then my dad called two days later and was like, hey.
01:19:05.000 And I was like, if this is about comedy, I can't.
01:19:08.000 Can't do it.
01:19:08.000 And he was like, alright.
01:19:10.000 I'm just saying, everybody else is talking about stories. 0.83
01:19:12.000 You're up there talking about doing gay stuff.
01:19:16.000 You guys giving you advice? 0.67
01:19:18.000 He gave me comedy advice.
01:19:19.000 Oh my god.
01:19:21.000 Has he seen you recently?
01:19:24.000 No.
01:19:25.000 You gotta send him some TV stuff.
01:19:27.000 How recent?
01:19:28.000 Two years ago?
01:19:30.000 Oh, that's not good enough.
01:19:31.000 I know, I'm gonna have it. 0.99
01:19:31.000 No, no, you show them what the fuck is up now. 0.99
01:19:33.000 Come to the theater. 1.00
01:19:34.000 Yeah, come to the theater, pops. 0.89
01:19:36.000 But you should kill the whole time and then close with that 69 bit again. 0.99
01:19:39.000 I will. 0.99
01:19:40.000 I will do that.
01:19:41.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:19:42.000 Hey! 0.99
01:19:43.000 I told you it would work.
01:19:44.000 My son, he's doing pretty well. 0.99
01:19:46.000 God damn it, he's talking about blowing me. 1.00
01:19:49.000 I thought you were done with that fucking joke. 1.00
01:19:51.000 Bring it back. 1.00
01:19:52.000 Brought it back for you, Dad.
01:19:54.000 They don't get it, too.
01:19:55.000 You're like, I got in the cellar.
01:19:56.000 They're like, who?
01:19:57.000 Cellar?
01:19:57.000 What?
01:19:57.000 No, that was the thing.
01:19:58.000 The only one they understood was SNL. Of course.
01:20:00.000 And I got it.
01:20:01.000 And I got to call them and be like, hey, I got SNL. And they're like, we're so proud.
01:20:04.000 Yeah.
01:20:05.000 We're going to be so happy for you for 14 hours.
01:20:07.000 Two days later.
01:20:08.000 And then my mom and dad are going around.
01:20:10.000 My mom especially is like, my son's on us. 0.99
01:20:12.000 Because I was a loser forever. 0.97
01:20:15.000 Oh, man. 1.00
01:20:15.000 And then now she gets to go tell all her friends whose kids are fucking orthodontists. 1.00
01:20:19.000 And then they call back. 0.99
01:20:19.000 Like, so, your son's not better than the other son. 0.99
01:20:21.000 Well, we're so sorry for you.
01:20:23.000 Like that world.
01:20:24.000 So they can brag and send their Christmas cards.
01:20:27.000 At least you made Newsweek.
01:20:28.000 Hell yeah.
01:20:29.000 My whole town was pretty proud.
01:20:31.000 Alright!
01:20:32.000 For real.
01:20:33.000 I thought people would be upset.
01:20:34.000 My dad was like, hell yeah.
01:20:35.000 Is there a celebrity from Mechanics?
01:20:37.000 Yeah.
01:20:37.000 Mike?
01:20:39.000 Fucking... 1.00
01:20:39.000 Poison. 1.00
01:20:41.000 Oh, really?
01:20:42.000 Yeah.
01:20:42.000 Brett Michaels?
01:20:43.000 Brett Michaels.
01:20:44.000 What?
01:20:44.000 Let's go.
01:20:45.000 Let's go.
01:20:47.000 Bret Michaels, Mechanics.
01:20:48.000 You're like a New England-y, right? 0.95
01:20:50.000 No, Maryland.
01:20:51.000 Who'd you say?
01:20:51.000 Maryland.
01:20:52.000 Mike and the Mechanics?
01:20:53.000 I don't know.
01:20:54.000 What's that?
01:20:55.000 In the Living Years.
01:20:56.000 What?
01:20:56.000 In the Living Years?
01:20:57.000 In the Living Years. 0.99
01:20:58.000 I think that Whippet fucked you up. 1.00
01:21:00.000 That was a hit song. 0.98
01:21:02.000 Fake memories.
01:21:03.000 It was a hit song.
01:21:04.000 I gotta see if they're real.
01:21:07.000 In the Living Years.
01:21:09.000 Whatever you do, don't play that terrible song.
01:21:12.000 It was a top set hit song.
01:21:13.000 I listen to Ari's podcast for music that I don't want to listen to.
01:21:19.000 What kind of recommendations can I avoid?
01:21:22.000 We were in the car on the way over.
01:21:23.000 I had the Ox. 0.99
01:21:24.000 I was playing fucking Bone Thugs and Migos. 0.99
01:21:27.000 And I was considering asking Ari. 0.99
01:21:29.000 Don't do it.
01:21:29.000 Good lord, what music do you like?
01:21:31.000 No. 1.00
01:21:32.000 It's gonna be some dumb, made-up shit. 1.00
01:21:34.000 You'll get one of those greatest hits. 1.00
01:21:35.000 Made-up shit! 1.00
01:21:36.000 I'm like Blue Wolf and the Dancing Pansies. 1.00
01:21:38.000 I was like, shut up, dude.
01:21:41.000 This is a cool indie band from Guatemala. 0.97
01:21:43.000 I got really into them during the pandemic.
01:21:45.000 Yeah, I remember being 20. With your backpack on.
01:21:49.000 I just want to see the world.
01:21:51.000 I have wanderlust.
01:21:52.000 Doing whippets.
01:21:52.000 With a backpack in Vietnam.
01:21:54.000 Doing whippets.
01:21:55.000 Watching a drum circle.
01:21:57.000 Having a seizure in the jungle.
01:22:00.000 Don't do another one, man.
01:22:01.000 I'm worried about you.
01:22:01.000 He's gonna do another one.
01:22:02.000 Keep going.
01:22:04.000 Keep going.
01:22:04.000 Is this that song?
01:22:06.000 Seizure in the Jungle is a great band.
01:22:07.000 Is this the song?
01:22:08.000 This came up.
01:22:09.000 It has 27,000 views.
01:22:10.000 What is it?
01:22:11.000 Oh, alright.
01:22:11.000 Just a song for a wild whippet.
01:22:14.000 Put your headphones on so you can hear it.
01:22:17.000 I want to hear this. 1.00
01:22:21.000 What the fuck? 1.00
01:22:24.000 I don't know. 1.00
01:22:26.000 This is what it sounds like when you walk into an Indian restaurant.
01:22:29.000 That's a song specifically designed to whip it to?
01:22:32.000 Maybe.
01:22:33.000 Does it feel good, Harry?
01:22:36.000 Yeah, you like it.
01:22:38.000 Yeah.
01:22:46.000 This music does not go with this.
01:22:49.000 I'm not getting big enough balloons out of this.
01:22:59.000 I think you're good, dude. 0.99
01:23:02.000 I mean, I think high school kids champ this shit pretty easy. 0.99
01:23:04.000 They rule? 1.00
01:23:05.000 Yeah.
01:23:06.000 You've done three now?
01:23:07.000 It's not a long-term thing.
01:23:09.000 I've seen bros champ boxes.
01:23:11.000 Easy.
01:23:12.000 Yeah.
01:23:13.000 Really?
01:23:13.000 Yeah.
01:23:14.000 Where?
01:23:15.000 Last year I was in Philly.
01:23:18.000 Me and my friends who do comedy would play poker together.
01:23:21.000 Yeah.
01:23:22.000 All of a sudden they just were like, middle of we're playing poker, they just all broke out whippets.
01:23:26.000 Wow.
01:23:26.000 Geez.
01:23:27.000 The rest of it, we played for three hours.
01:23:29.000 They were doing just...
01:23:31.000 Is that Steve-O? Oh no!
01:23:33.000 Steve-O gets after it.
01:23:33.000 Steve-O gets after it.
01:23:35.000 It's wild to see this.
01:23:37.000 I mean, I don't know the exact part where he's doing it.
01:23:39.000 He has the real big cracker.
01:23:41.000 It's bad when Knoxville's like, you gotta relax.
01:23:44.000 Yeah, that doesn't seem...
01:23:45.000 That's him at the factory.
01:23:46.000 No, that seems wise. 1.00
01:23:49.000 He's got his shit together. 0.99
01:23:50.000 He's got a good podcast now. 1.00
01:23:51.000 He's kicking ass. 0.99
01:23:52.000 Yeah, he's sober. 0.99
01:23:52.000 Doing comedy. 0.99
01:23:54.000 Steve-O rules.
01:23:54.000 Steve-O does rule.
01:23:54.000 Jackass rules.
01:23:55.000 Great guy. 1.00
01:23:55.000 Jackass rules. 1.00
01:23:56.000 Jackass, when I was in Spain, Jackass made me so proud. 1.00
01:24:00.000 I saw people wearing Jackass t-shirts and I was like, damn. 0.99
01:24:04.000 I've almost grown up by laughing so hard at Jackass. 0.98
01:24:06.000 It's so funny.
01:24:07.000 It was great.
01:24:08.000 It was great.
01:24:08.000 In the theater, it was mayhem.
01:24:10.000 Every other comedy, you're like, oh, you guys are just trying to get to a percentage of Jackass.
01:24:14.000 Oh, no.
01:24:14.000 It's like adult cartoons.
01:24:16.000 People falling, getting hit. 0.95
01:24:17.000 Die.
01:24:18.000 Oh, my God. 1.00
01:24:18.000 They fucked their bodies up, too. 1.00
01:24:20.000 His dick doesn't work. 1.00
01:24:21.000 Steve-O's pretty good. 1.00
01:24:22.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:24:23.000 Knoxville. 1.00
01:24:23.000 His dick is fucked. 1.00
01:24:24.000 I tried. 1.00
01:24:25.000 Couldn't get it going. 0.99
01:24:27.000 Yeah, I mean, just the fucking sheer punishment those guys take. 1.00
01:24:32.000 Bulls. 1.00
01:24:33.000 Bulls.
01:24:33.000 Bulls.
01:24:33.000 Like, what are you doing?
01:24:34.000 The whole job was, I'm gonna get a donkey to kick at me, and you just get right up to him. 0.99
01:24:39.000 Yeah, that one's great when he's fucking shaking when he's walking towards him. 0.98
01:24:42.000 Yeah, like, this won't go any other way. 0.98
01:24:43.000 Didn't they stand blindfolded in front of bulls? 0.50
01:24:45.000 Yeah, Knoxville did.
01:24:47.000 Knoxville's been...
01:24:48.000 That Ngannou did not punch him in the nuts. 0.58
01:24:50.000 This poor guy.
01:24:52.000 Dangerine stole the last movie. 0.99
01:24:53.000 You know how crazy that is? 0.95
01:24:55.000 That Francis Ngannou punched you in the nuts. 0.97
01:24:58.000 Look at him focusing, Ngannou.
01:25:01.000 I mean, how do you stand that?
01:25:04.000 I flinch on a gnat.
01:25:06.000 This is crazy.
01:25:07.000 Oh, that's so bad.
01:25:07.000 Are you going to show me?
01:25:09.000 Yeah, that was wonderful.
01:25:10.000 Oh, that's fun.
01:25:11.000 I'm not even doing a sketch.
01:25:14.000 Steve-O was going to do it, but he understands that MMA guys punch really hard, and they tricked this guy.
01:25:18.000 I don't think they knew.
01:25:19.000 They didn't tell him in Ghana he was going to come around the corner.
01:25:21.000 Oh, my God.
01:25:22.000 Oh, my God.
01:25:23.000 His face immediately goes to the worst.
01:25:25.000 Look at the agony.
01:25:26.000 They're talking about it, too.
01:25:28.000 It's so unnecessary.
01:25:29.000 I'm sure there's women who like that. 1.00
01:25:30.000 They're like, this is hot.
01:25:31.000 These guys.
01:25:31.000 They like watching guys get nuts.
01:25:33.000 Oh, the jackass guys got pussy. 1.00
01:25:34.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00
01:25:35.000 Big puss. 0.99
01:25:36.000 I know. 0.75
01:25:37.000 They're risk takers.
01:25:39.000 They're risk takers.
01:25:40.000 Women like guys who do flips. 1.00
01:25:42.000 And they're drunk.
01:25:43.000 Yeah, they're millionaires.
01:25:45.000 Do whippets on pods.
01:25:46.000 It's every four. 1.00
01:25:47.000 Yeah, you might get some pussy for this. 1.00
01:25:48.000 Yeah, bro. 1.00
01:25:50.000 What was Vietnam like?
01:25:52.000 What I remember is that every day was a war.
01:25:57.000 What about the pho over there?
01:25:59.000 Pretty good pho?
01:26:00.000 Pho's not bad.
01:26:00.000 I was really into the Bonamese.
01:26:02.000 You just get them to go.
01:26:03.000 They're so good.
01:26:04.000 So fresh.
01:26:06.000 It's a fresh bread.
01:26:07.000 They love it.
01:26:08.000 French bread.
01:26:08.000 Yeah.
01:26:09.000 It's what we eat po'boys on. 0.99
01:26:11.000 Without the bread, it's not a po'boy. 0.99
01:26:14.000 That's why I loved one of those things of somebody at some college campus was bitching at their student union for doing the banh mi sandwich, not the authentic way.
01:26:24.000 Some sort of Tabasco on it or something instead of like sriracha.
01:26:28.000 He's like, that's not authentic Vietnamese. 1.00
01:26:30.000 Everyone's like, it's French bread.
01:26:33.000 It's from the colonization. 0.67
01:26:34.000 Yeah.
01:26:35.000 Did you guys ever do the stand-up bong hit?
01:26:38.000 You know, some paper towel roll, you're on the wall, and you're both squatting, and he takes a giant vaporizer hit or whatever, and he blows it into your mouth while you stand up, and then you fall back down immediately?
01:26:50.000 No.
01:26:50.000 You never did that?
01:26:51.000 No.
01:26:52.000 Oh, oh, oh, oh, beer bong.
01:26:54.000 No, no, weed.
01:26:55.000 Huge hit, and then as you come up, And it hits you so hard.
01:27:00.000 Shotgun.
01:27:01.000 As you're standing up.
01:27:02.000 As you're standing up, so the oxygen goes away.
01:27:05.000 Interesting.
01:27:06.000 This is pre-internet, you know?
01:27:07.000 Four guys in a house. 0.99
01:27:09.000 Just figuring shit out. 0.99
01:27:10.000 Figuring it out, nothing to do. 1.00
01:27:12.000 What if I blow the smoke in your face?
01:27:13.000 Yeah. 0.90
01:27:14.000 Then you stand up.
01:27:15.000 Exactly.
01:27:15.000 That was one of the things they did during NOM. They do it through rifles.
01:27:18.000 Whoa! 0.99
01:27:19.000 That's so fucking cool. 0.99
01:27:21.000 Ah, that's cool. 0.99
01:27:22.000 That can't end well.
01:27:23.000 Yeah.
01:27:24.000 Now they go, yeah.
01:27:25.000 Yikes. 1.00
01:27:26.000 Imagine being high as fuck and also in Vietnam in the middle of the war going, what the fuck, man? 1.00
01:27:32.000 Yeah, so they did a shotgun where they literally opened up the barrel. 1.00
01:27:36.000 Damn. 0.99
01:27:38.000 And they're blowing the weed through. 0.99
01:27:40.000 I like how they're not touching it with their mouth because they don't want to get herpes. 0.98
01:27:43.000 They don't want to be gay. 1.00
01:27:45.000 They don't want to be gay. 1.00
01:27:45.000 They don't want to be sucking on that gun in front of everybody. 1.00
01:27:48.000 Whoa. 0.97
01:27:48.000 That's a sergeant. 0.97
01:27:50.000 What a bummer. 0.99
01:27:50.000 Gotta kill the day. 0.99
01:27:51.000 But then what if we get attacked? 1.00
01:27:52.000 Imagine being like super paranoid and high as fuck and you're in the jungle in Vietnam. 0.99
01:27:56.000 Yeah, now you're walking through. 1.00
01:27:58.000 You realize you're in this stupid fucking war that makes no sense. 1.00
01:28:00.000 Has zero support behind it. 1.00
01:28:02.000 The nature walks are good.
01:28:03.000 What are we doing? 0.98
01:28:04.000 I'm shooting people with zero support behind it. 0.98
01:28:06.000 Yeah, you're out in nature. 0.99
01:28:08.000 Yeah, that's what they said.
01:28:09.000 One of the reasons they won, they took over all the reasons that Vietnam won. 1.00
01:28:11.000 They were like, the Americans were like, I don't even want to be here. 1.00
01:28:15.000 Well, yeah, no one did.
01:28:16.000 Yeah, like, I don't care about these people.
01:28:18.000 And the Vietnamese are fighting for their home.
01:28:20.000 What about, you ever meet one of those guys who's like, you know, when 9-11 happened, they're like, I'm going over there.
01:28:24.000 Yeah.
01:28:25.000 Thank God for guys like that.
01:28:27.000 Because I'm like, oh, I'm going to stay here.
01:28:29.000 What about Pat Tillman? 0.99
01:28:30.000 He left being a fucking NFL star to go over there. 0.99
01:28:34.000 And he got killed by friendly fire. 1.00
01:28:36.000 Friendly fire.
01:28:37.000 Oh, you hate to hear it.
01:28:38.000 And they had to hide it.
01:28:39.000 They had to hide it.
01:28:39.000 No, he was a hero.
01:28:40.000 He was that annoying?
01:28:41.000 Well, not that he wasn't a hero, obviously.
01:28:42.000 He was just a bummer of a guy? 0.78
01:28:45.000 Like a bad hang?
01:28:46.000 No, no, no, no.
01:28:47.000 Oh, it was an accident.
01:28:48.000 I thought they were like, this guy's...
01:28:49.000 Some people say it was on purpose.
01:28:50.000 Some people say it was on purpose.
01:28:51.000 That's what I heard. 0.98
01:28:52.000 Because he was starting to see, like, oh, this is fucking pointless. 0.95
01:28:54.000 What are we doing here, even? 0.98
01:28:55.000 And then, like, oh, we've got to shut him up.
01:28:56.000 Keep him a hero.
01:28:57.000 Oh, no.
01:28:59.000 It's a theory.
01:28:59.000 Boy, I hope not.
01:29:01.000 God, you hope not.
01:29:02.000 Yeesh.
01:29:03.000 Anyway, let's talk about something funnier.
01:29:06.000 And then Friendly Fire.
01:29:07.000 I know, right? 1.00
01:29:09.000 What the fuck? 0.99
01:29:10.000 That's kind of a nice term for what happens. 1.00
01:29:11.000 You changed the mood of everything when you read out your uncle's text. 0.86
01:29:14.000 That's pretty sick, though.
01:29:15.000 I mean, imagine being on a plane reading it.
01:29:17.000 The way he described it to it was amazing, too.
01:29:20.000 Your uncle's smart.
01:29:21.000 Yeah, he's fired up.
01:29:22.000 How about that Mahomes? 0.63
01:29:23.000 He's good.
01:29:24.000 No.
01:29:25.000 Sorry.
01:29:26.000 You know what I like, though?
01:29:28.000 I came around on Jackson.
01:29:30.000 Jackson Mahomes.
01:29:31.000 Who's that?
01:29:32.000 The brother?
01:29:32.000 His brother that does TikToks and his wife, his annoying wife that screams.
01:29:36.000 Oh, yeah.
01:29:36.000 Everyone hates on them and it actually makes me happy.
01:29:39.000 No, they're fun.
01:29:39.000 His wife, have you ever seen this?
01:29:40.000 I don't watch TikTok.
01:29:41.000 Patrick Mahomes is best quarterback.
01:29:43.000 Well, second.
01:29:44.000 Jalen was obviously MVP. Oh, that hurts.
01:29:46.000 Should have been.
01:29:47.000 I mean, an unforced fumble was tough.
01:29:49.000 Patrick Mahomes has a wife that's just wild.
01:29:51.000 She's up in the box.
01:29:52.000 She, like, films herself.
01:29:53.000 It's her and his brother.
01:29:55.000 His brother does, like, TikToks.
01:29:57.000 And Patrick's, obviously, he's the man. 1.00
01:29:59.000 And then he's got a crazy wife and a brother up in the box, like, doing all this shit. 1.00
01:30:03.000 And his wife's up there, like, you thought you were gonna beat us? 1.00
01:30:06.000 Think again!
01:30:07.000 It's the best. 0.99
01:30:10.000 Forcing everyone, like, birth to fucking be in a video. 0.99
01:30:16.000 Oh yeah, she's a lot. 0.99
01:30:17.000 She's a lot.
01:30:18.000 Whoa, Jesus.
01:30:22.000 The problem is they keep that same energy when you get divorced. 0.97
01:30:26.000 They come after you.
01:30:28.000 They come after you with that same energy.
01:30:31.000 These kids are going crazy.
01:30:34.000 Football fans?
01:30:35.000 Who gets more fired up than football fans?
01:30:38.000 I'd say Proud Boys.
01:30:42.000 Well, especially when the FBI people are riling things up.
01:30:47.000 It just came out today that the FBI was involved in Black Lives Matter protests turning them violent.
01:30:54.000 Come on! 0.61
01:30:55.000 Yeah, there's allegations.
01:30:57.000 See if you can find that.
01:30:58.000 They were doing it during Vietnam. 1.00
01:30:59.000 The fucking watch! 1.00
01:31:00.000 The fucking watch! 1.00
01:31:01.000 My BLM alarm. 1.00
01:31:05.000 You still have that stupid fucking watch. 1.00
01:31:06.000 This thing runs like a watch. 1.00
01:31:08.000 It doesn't wet at all.
01:31:09.000 What time does it say?
01:31:09.000 This thing runs like a watch.
01:31:12.000 501. Feds deliberately targeted BLM protesters to disrupt the movement, a report says.
01:31:18.000 Oh boy.
01:31:18.000 They did it in Vietnam.
01:31:19.000 In the Vietnam thing they were talking about.
01:31:20.000 Yeah, they do it with everything.
01:31:21.000 They do it with everything.
01:31:22.000 Let's get some guys in there. 1.00
01:31:23.000 Turn the protest violent.
01:31:24.000 Agent provocateurs.
01:31:25.000 J86? Yeah. 0.98
01:31:26.000 Yeah, they fucking 100% did it there. 0.99
01:31:29.000 The snitch in the silver hearse. 0.99
01:31:31.000 What is that?
01:31:31.000 FBI paid a violent felon to infiltrate Denver's radical justice movement.
01:31:36.000 Wow.
01:31:37.000 Jalen Hurst.
01:31:37.000 Of course.
01:31:38.000 One piece.
01:31:39.000 Crazy.
01:31:40.000 They always do that. 1.00
01:31:41.000 They don't like these fucking movements and they go, you know what? 0.99
01:31:45.000 Disrupt it. 1.00
01:31:45.000 Just let's send in some people to smash some windows and light some shit on fire. 1.00
01:31:49.000 Yeah, Occupy Wall Street. 0.99
01:31:49.000 They're like, get in there, undercover cops, start fights, and then the other cops are going to be like, hey, they're fighting, we've got to break it up. 0.99
01:31:54.000 Yeah, I went to.
01:31:55.000 That's what they did with the World Trade Organization?
01:31:57.000 Went to Occupy.
01:31:58.000 You went to Occupy Wall Street?
01:31:59.000 I wanted to see what it was about. 1.00
01:32:00.000 He's trying to fuck chicks. 1.00
01:32:02.000 How old were you? 1.00
01:32:02.000 I was like 23, 24. The VO was wild. 1.00
01:32:08.000 It was something to see because it was kind of new, all that kind of stuff.
01:32:11.000 Now we have a protest every 10 minutes, but that was fun to watch. 1.00
01:32:14.000 They shut that shit down. 0.99
01:32:15.000 Yeah, a lot of pepper spray. 1.00
01:32:18.000 Also interesting that they were like, you guys did this.
01:32:21.000 We're just going to hover around where you work.
01:32:24.000 Yeah, that's true.
01:32:25.000 It's a totally different kind of a movement.
01:32:28.000 It was like the beginning of these kind of mass movements.
01:32:30.000 Yeah.
01:32:31.000 We're just going to make you look at us.
01:32:33.000 As you go into work.
01:32:34.000 Yeah, we're going to park out here.
01:32:35.000 They weren't like disruptive.
01:32:36.000 On the grass.
01:32:37.000 They weren't like breaking anybody's car windows or anything.
01:32:39.000 No, we're going to occupy.
01:32:40.000 It was right when Obama won, so it was like a wacky time in New York.
01:32:44.000 Yeah, because it was 2008, financial collapse. 0.77
01:32:47.000 Black president. 0.98
01:32:48.000 Yep.
01:32:49.000 First black pres. 1.00
01:32:50.000 A lot of shit's going on. 1.00
01:32:51.000 The economy goes into the tank after the housing crisis. 1.00
01:32:55.000 Oh, yeah.
01:32:56.000 And then they're like, you guys did it.
01:32:57.000 So it's almost like there were white blood cells surrounding an infection. 0.99
01:33:01.000 It was some blacks. 0.97
01:33:02.000 I mean, that's not what I meant.
01:33:04.000 Oh, sorry.
01:33:07.000 Yeah, yeah, and they're just like calling attention.
01:33:09.000 Yeah, they're just like realizing there's something wrong with this.
01:33:11.000 We are the 99%.
01:33:12.000 But they're not even.
01:33:13.000 They don't even understand what that means.
01:33:14.000 Oh boy.
01:33:15.000 They're not the 99%?
01:33:17.000 Not globally.
01:33:20.000 Globally you make $34,000 in your top 1% of the world.
01:33:23.000 That's how wild the world is.
01:33:24.000 Nobody wants to hear that.
01:33:25.000 None of the people who are like against the 1% want to realize they're in the 1% of this country.
01:33:30.000 Aha.
01:33:31.000 They're like, what?
01:33:32.000 I'm not like, yeah, yeah, you're super wealthy.
01:33:33.000 The 1% of this country is like, I think it's like a half a million dollars a year.
01:33:37.000 Wow.
01:33:37.000 No way.
01:33:39.000 It might be less.
01:33:39.000 It might be like, what is the 1%?
01:33:41.000 What's the top 1%?
01:33:42.000 What do you have to make?
01:33:43.000 It's like every doctor.
01:33:44.000 But the 1% of the world is $34,000.
01:33:47.000 Really?
01:33:47.000 Top 1% of the world is over $34,000.
01:33:50.000 Alright, Ari, you're in.
01:33:51.000 Okay, it's $823,000 in 2020. So I was off by quite a bit.
01:33:57.000 That's a lot.
01:33:58.000 What is it?
01:33:59.000 $823,000 in 2020. Wait, what's the other number?
01:34:04.000 National average of the top 1% earners is $597,000.
01:34:10.000 Economic Policy Institute was the first one.
01:34:12.000 This is a study by Smart Asset Points, the second one.
01:34:15.000 Okay, so it's somewhere between $600,000 to $800,000.
01:34:19.000 Wow, okay.
01:34:20.000 The average.
01:34:21.000 That's in America.
01:34:22.000 The average of the 1%, which means you can still be the 1% at like $400,000.
01:34:26.000 Yeah.
01:34:26.000 Right.
01:34:27.000 Actually, the top has billions in it, so probably $570,000.
01:34:31.000 The average annual wage gap, yeah. 1.00
01:34:34.000 So, a lot of fucking money. 0.99
01:34:36.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:34:36.000 There you go. 1.00
01:34:37.000 Oh, wait a minute.
01:34:37.000 Look how it was phrased originally.
01:34:41.000 Annual gross income of $590,000.
01:34:43.000 Yeah, that's what it is.
01:34:45.000 The average annual income of more than half a million dollars.
01:34:49.000 Okay.
01:34:50.000 Alright, we're doing okay then. 0.96
01:34:52.000 Well, for the rest of the world, we're doing fucking amazing.
01:34:55.000 Yeah, we could pay $200,000 for this podcast. 0.71
01:34:56.000 It's just it's not perfect.
01:34:59.000 It's not perfect.
01:35:01.000 There's flaws.
01:35:02.000 Oh, yeah.
01:35:04.000 I remember an old video of Rogan on some, like, before Tough Crowd.
01:35:09.000 It was like four people talking.
01:35:11.000 Maybe it was Bill Maher or something, I don't know.
01:35:12.000 There was some guy saying he wants to up the national for anyone over a million dollars, 70%.
01:35:17.000 Remember this?
01:35:18.000 Oh yeah. 1.00
01:35:19.000 And Joe goes, on air, if you take 70% of my money, I'm going to kick your fucking ass. 1.00
01:35:25.000 Whoa. 1.00
01:35:26.000 I was like, you're out of your fucking mind. 1.00
01:35:28.000 You're going to take 70% of it? 1.00
01:35:29.000 It's like that some places.
01:35:31.000 They take a lot of your money.
01:35:33.000 New York takes a big chunk.
01:35:34.000 Well, there's a lot of people that believe that that's how to solve the country's woes, is to redistribute the wealth.
01:35:39.000 Take the wealth away from all the wealthy people, pay 80-90% in taxes, give all the money to the poor people.
01:35:46.000 They're just looking at it as a numbers thing.
01:35:47.000 They're not looking at it as like, why do people make money in the first place?
01:35:50.000 They have incentive.
01:35:51.000 They work hard.
01:35:52.000 You're not going to have equal money if you don't have equal effort.
01:35:56.000 And it doesn't mean that everybody has equal opportunity, because some people, they can make a lot more money with a lot less effort.
01:36:02.000 But The people that can become like a Warren Buffet or one of those, they do that because there's an incentive.
01:36:09.000 There's an incentive.
01:36:09.000 That's the only reason why they chase that game.
01:36:12.000 And if you're going to put a limit on that game and you're going to say, hey, once you get to a certain level of that game, you've got to give us all the money.
01:36:18.000 You've killed all the incentive.
01:36:20.000 I think it's not that's a problem.
01:36:21.000 Let's get everybody else up a little bit.
01:36:22.000 This is what they should be tackling.
01:36:24.000 There's ways to do it, and that's the Bernie Sanders idea of taxing a small amount of speculative market wagers.
01:36:31.000 So when people are betting, they're going back and forth.
01:36:33.000 He's talking about taking a fraction of a penny from each transaction would result in trillions of dollars a year.
01:36:38.000 Wow, interesting.
01:36:39.000 I know a lot of people don't like that Alexandria Cortez-Cortez lady, but she said something at the beginning of... 0.92
01:36:45.000 COVID, she goes, do you have to get people back in their jobs?
01:36:47.000 She goes, no, we don't have to get people back in their 60 hour a week jobs barely making their ends meet.
01:36:51.000 We have to change the system a little bit so we can actually live our lives.
01:36:54.000 Right, but how do you do that?
01:36:55.000 I don't know.
01:36:56.000 The way you do that is by more bureaucracy.
01:36:58.000 More people that get paid to redistribute the wealth and if they get a grip on your money and they can say, hey, you have been too successful so we're going to take that and give it to people that aren't successful.
01:37:10.000 But that doesn't work.
01:37:11.000 That's the thing that it all goes to, always.
01:37:14.000 Get rid of the 40 hour work week.
01:37:15.000 You've got to go to the source, though.
01:37:16.000 It's antiquated.
01:37:16.000 You don't get a move box for 40 hours.
01:37:18.000 You get your shit done in 25 hours. 1.00
01:37:19.000 Enjoy your life. 1.00
01:37:20.000 I know, but they do it with homeless, too.
01:37:21.000 They go, hey, we've got to give money to the homeless.
01:37:23.000 You're like, the guy's still addicted to fentanyl and living dead.
01:37:26.000 It doesn't suddenly change. 0.97
01:37:28.000 You're not going to fix why he's mentally ill. 0.89
01:37:30.000 Right. 0.63
01:37:31.000 You've got to go to the source.
01:37:32.000 That's one of the biggest things.
01:37:33.000 Every politician is like, I don't know the answer to this.
01:37:35.000 Bring it up.
01:37:36.000 Every city in America.
01:37:38.000 It can be done in scale.
01:37:40.000 Worst thing I've ever seen.
01:37:42.000 Portland, SF. Get the experts on it.
01:37:44.000 L.A., it's crazy.
01:37:46.000 Austin's not that bad.
01:37:47.000 They cleaned up a lot of it, man.
01:37:49.000 They used to have a lot of tents underneath the bridges.
01:37:51.000 It's all gone now.
01:37:52.000 Except the occasional tent that they eventually clean up.
01:37:54.000 Where did they go?
01:37:55.000 They bought hotels.
01:37:58.000 Move people.
01:37:58.000 These Palestinians.
01:38:00.000 Game of Shovel.
01:38:00.000 Rent's there.
01:38:01.000 He's got some money.
01:38:02.000 Real estate money's going down real quick.
01:38:05.000 We should get a house there.
01:38:06.000 Who knows what the actual extent of the environmental disaster is?
01:38:10.000 How long before they actually tell them the truth?
01:38:14.000 Yikes.
01:38:14.000 But I remember thinking BP was the end of society.
01:38:18.000 Don't do it, you sick son of a... 1.00
01:38:20.000 We got a show tonight. 1.00
01:38:21.000 Don't go for out the eagle.
01:38:22.000 Not the eagle.
01:38:23.000 Where'd you find the eagle?
01:38:24.000 Put it on J-Mo's table.
01:38:28.000 Hey, do you remember when that dude who was...
01:38:31.000 I'm on number six here.
01:38:32.000 Who was it?
01:38:33.000 The guy from the FBI that sang Let the Eagle Soar?
01:38:36.000 Do you remember that guy?
01:38:38.000 What was he saying with legal software?
01:38:39.000 Was he the guy that was during the Obama administration?
01:38:42.000 Is that what his name is?
01:38:43.000 Obama!
01:38:44.000 Who was it?
01:38:44.000 Was he during the Bush administration?
01:38:46.000 John Ashcroft.
01:38:47.000 John Ashcroft.
01:38:48.000 Ah, big Ash.
01:38:48.000 You ever see that guy sing?
01:38:50.000 No.
01:38:50.000 John Ashcroft was like the boogeyman.
01:38:53.000 He was like this very creepy right-wing guy.
01:38:58.000 Look at this.
01:38:59.000 Look at him sing this.
01:39:00.000 Yeah, I remember this.
01:39:02.000 Oh, wow.
01:39:07.000 This is weird.
01:39:08.000 He's taking lessons. 1.00
01:39:11.000 Shoot him. 0.99
01:39:14.000 I've never even heard of this song. 1.00
01:39:16.000 What a funny time to get assassinated.
01:39:17.000 What a funny time to get assassinated. 0.92
01:39:19.000 A dude from the Chappelle concert runs up and stabs him. 0.85
01:39:25.000 If he ever got attacked by an eagle.
01:39:27.000 Who was John Ashcroft again?
01:39:30.000 What was John Ashcroft's position?
01:39:32.000 The United States Attorney General.
01:39:35.000 Yeah, everybody was freaked out about him.
01:39:37.000 They were all scared of him.
01:39:38.000 He was like this hardcore, right-wing guy.
01:39:41.000 Want to lock up all those dope smokers. 1.00
01:39:43.000 One of those guys.
01:39:44.000 He was just a wild Christian guy singing, Let the Eagles fly!
01:39:49.000 Those guys were fun, because they were the bad guy.
01:39:52.000 They'd be like, Rap is out of control.
01:39:54.000 These are the nerds.
01:39:55.000 Now it's hard to tell.
01:39:56.000 Everybody's the nerd now. 0.99
01:39:57.000 Now the left is It's funny, these guys are like, Rap's out of control, and they're like, we're gonna fucking invade Iraq. 0.95
01:40:02.000 Exactly, exactly. 0.95
01:40:04.000 Rap, not Iraq. 0.96
01:40:05.000 What does it say?
01:40:06.000 Patriot Games.
01:40:08.000 Attorney General when the Patriot Act starts.
01:40:09.000 Ah, that's it.
01:40:10.000 There it is.
01:40:11.000 Rap's bad. 0.99
01:40:11.000 We're gonna fucking spy on everybody. 0.99
01:40:13.000 We're gonna invade Iraq. 1.00
01:40:14.000 We're gonna blow up families. 0.54
01:40:16.000 The Rap thing came from Tipper Gore, Al Gore's wife. 1.00
01:40:20.000 Yeah.
01:40:20.000 Yeah.
01:40:21.000 That's what was wild.
01:40:22.000 It was the Democrats.
01:40:23.000 And then Liz Cheney kept it rolling. 1.00
01:40:24.000 Did she?
01:40:25.000 Yeah.
01:40:25.000 She was into that?
01:40:27.000 Yeah.
01:40:27.000 I heard NWA, they're like, whoa.
01:40:30.000 Heavy stuff.
01:40:32.000 It didn't come out of nowhere. 1.00
01:40:33.000 I remember listening to it on a fucking treadmill. 0.98
01:40:35.000 I was like a Stairmaster in Revere, Massachusetts at the gym, and I was listening to it with a Walkman, a cassette Walkman. 1.00
01:40:43.000 I was like, holy shit. 1.00
01:40:44.000 Shit. 1.00
01:40:44.000 These guys are pretty serious. 1.00
01:40:46.000 There's never music like that before.
01:40:49.000 Oh, wow.
01:40:49.000 No, they mean business.
01:40:51.000 When I was young, I got Eminem and DMX. That was what I got.
01:40:54.000 Ice Cube, fifth grade, listening to a DMX album.
01:40:58.000 Yeah, that was heavy stuff.
01:40:59.000 Rough Riders, roll! 1.00
01:41:01.000 I got blood on my dick because I fucked a corpse. 1.00
01:41:03.000 I was on a school bus, just like... 1.00
01:41:05.000 I was a giant Ghetto Boys fan.
01:41:08.000 Ghetto Boys ruled, dude. 0.67
01:41:10.000 I'd listen to Ghetto Boys when I delivered newspapers.
01:41:12.000 My uncle that was in Vietnam, not the one I was talking about, the other uncle, he was a prison warden after Vietnam, and then he hung out with just black dudes, because he was a prison warden, so everybody around him.
01:41:24.000 So now he talks like that, and he'll be like, what's up, Holmes?
01:41:27.000 He loves the Ghetto Boys. 0.99
01:41:29.000 He'll be out in his garage benching the fucking Ghetto Boys. 1.00
01:41:33.000 I did their podcast. 1.00
01:41:35.000 No shit. 0.88
01:41:35.000 They were super fun, super nice, but they're old now. 0.88
01:41:37.000 So I'd make a gay joke and they're like, easy, man, easy. 1.00
01:41:40.000 He murdered people. 1.00
01:41:42.000 What the fuck? 1.00
01:41:44.000 Alright, alright, do it, Bob. 1.00
01:41:46.000 Uh-oh.
01:41:47.000 I mean, he's done whippets, weed, booze.
01:41:49.000 I'm not doing a whippet. 0.99
01:41:50.000 I'm not a fucking eighth grader, bro. 0.98
01:41:52.000 Yeah, it doesn't seem like it's valuable. 0.99
01:41:54.000 That whippet was bad news. 1.00
01:41:55.000 It lasted a short amount of time.
01:41:57.000 Yeah, it's 30 seconds in and out. 1.00
01:41:59.000 I like to be fucked up for a long time. 0.99
01:42:01.000 I like it to ruin my week. 0.99
01:42:02.000 What is salvia?
01:42:03.000 Wasn't that a quick high?
01:42:05.000 That was a quick one.
01:42:05.000 No, what am I thinking of?
01:42:06.000 That was ten minutes.
01:42:07.000 Well, you trip for like five minutes.
01:42:09.000 Yeah, salvia was pretty good that way.
01:42:11.000 Oh, baby.
01:42:11.000 Don't give me that lunch, y'all.
01:42:12.000 Jojo Rabbit's dipping into the bag.
01:42:14.000 Don't give me that lunch, y'all.
01:42:15.000 Sorry.
01:42:16.000 Oh, yeah.
01:42:17.000 A bag of candy.
01:42:18.000 It's that perfectly legal bag of regular stuff.
01:42:21.000 Yeah.
01:42:21.000 I'm reaching for the one that calls me.
01:42:23.000 Some spice, maybe? 0.98
01:42:24.000 What was that where it, like, fucked you up? 0.97
01:42:26.000 Salvia. 0.98
01:42:26.000 You tripped. 0.98
01:42:26.000 Was it Salvia? 0.98
01:42:27.000 Yeah, yeah. 1.00
01:42:28.000 You get fucked up. 1.00
01:42:28.000 Yeah, we talked about that the other day on the podcast. 1.00
01:42:30.000 You were gone for, like, three months living another life.
01:42:32.000 Gone.
01:42:32.000 Gone.
01:42:33.000 But like 10 minutes, tops, and then back.
01:42:35.000 Gone.
01:42:35.000 He was gone for 10 minutes, but during that 10 minutes he had three months of another life.
01:42:39.000 He lived another life.
01:42:40.000 He had relationships and friendships.
01:42:41.000 He was wild.
01:42:42.000 That sounds awesome.
01:42:43.000 Yeah, way different than Whippets.
01:42:45.000 Whippets is just a laugh. 1.00
01:42:46.000 That was legal everywhere.
01:42:47.000 They missed that one.
01:42:48.000 They missed Salvia.
01:42:49.000 Yeah, and you go 20 times, 40 times, or 60 times.
01:42:52.000 You used to be able to get the most potent version of DMT on the internet.
01:42:56.000 Used to be able to get five methoxy DMT on the internet.
01:42:59.000 Used to be able to buy it.
01:43:01.000 It was not for human consumption.
01:43:02.000 You would buy it.
01:43:02.000 It was pure from a chemical company.
01:43:04.000 And they would ship it to your house enough to get the whole city high as fuck. 0.99
01:43:08.000 Wow. 0.99
01:43:09.000 What is DMT? What happens?
01:43:11.000 Well, it's a psychedelic compound.
01:43:16.000 Scientist joke.
01:43:18.000 I can talk about it.
01:43:19.000 It's dimethyltryptamine.
01:43:20.000 It's actually produced by your brain.
01:43:23.000 And it's a psychedelic chemical that you think has something to do with near-death experiences.
01:43:27.000 It has something to do with dreams.
01:43:29.000 But it's an endogenous chemical.
01:43:30.000 So it's real quick.
01:43:31.000 Your body brings you back to baseline in like 15 minutes.
01:43:34.000 You've got to do that next time.
01:43:35.000 Yeah, what the hell?
01:43:36.000 DMT? It's crazy because your brain makes it, but it's super illegal. 0.98
01:43:39.000 Terrence McCann had a great quote.
01:43:40.000 He said, everybody's holding.
01:43:42.000 Whoa! 0.71
01:43:43.000 Holding back.
01:43:44.000 No, they're holding this drug.
01:43:46.000 Holding is how these talk about drugs.
01:43:48.000 Are you holding?
01:43:48.000 What do you got?
01:43:49.000 You holding?
01:43:50.000 Holding coffee.
01:43:50.000 Everyone's holding DMT. It's so weird, the hippies I come in contact with, because some of them are like, I got mushrooms, I've grown.
01:43:56.000 It's like, okay. 1.00
01:43:56.000 It just seems like bathtub shit. 1.00
01:43:58.000 I make my own DMT. I trust that way less than boomers. 1.00
01:44:02.000 Yeah, I don't know how you're making it.
01:44:03.000 Who are you?
01:44:04.000 I smoked it once, and it just made everything look like video games.
01:44:06.000 Oh, you didn't do it right.
01:44:07.000 I didn't do it hard enough.
01:44:08.000 I didn't do it hard enough.
01:44:09.000 The one time I did it.
01:44:10.000 I was trying.
01:44:10.000 I kept trying.
01:44:11.000 I did it once, and I was like close.
01:44:15.000 I saw a giant caterpillar come down this tree and look at me for like two minutes, and then just goes, nah, and then head back up the tree. 0.99
01:44:25.000 And then I was like, what the fuck? 0.99
01:44:26.000 Looked over at this girl that I was doing it with. 1.00
01:44:27.000 She goes, I died and came back.
01:44:33.000 She's lighter.
01:44:35.000 Mushrooms got me there.
01:44:37.000 Dad didn't come back.
01:44:39.000 I ate a bunch.
01:44:41.000 I was high on Molly and I ate a bunch of them.
01:44:44.000 Molly and mushrooms together, it's not smart.
01:44:46.000 I wasn't making the best choices.
01:44:49.000 What are you talking about?
01:44:49.000 That is the purest combination.
01:44:51.000 We should do Molly.
01:44:52.000 If you took Molly and then a little mushrooms, it'd be pretty great.
01:44:54.000 I was like, isn't this funny? 1.00
01:44:56.000 Taking fucking handfuls. 0.99
01:44:57.000 The only problem with mushrooms is you get a bad trip, and Molly's like, that won't happen today. 1.00
01:45:01.000 Those mushrooms outweigh those mushrooms.
01:45:04.000 The mushrooms destroy the Molly so quick.
01:45:07.000 What about ayahuasca?
01:45:08.000 Everything was good, and then all of a sudden it was like, oh.
01:45:10.000 Are we going to freeze?
01:45:12.000 What's that?
01:45:13.000 Are we going to go out there and freeze?
01:45:15.000 Remember when we wanted to refresh?
01:45:16.000 I think that was more of a last night thing.
01:45:18.000 That was a drunk talk.
01:45:18.000 That was a drunk talk?
01:45:19.000 I woke up today like, I think that's going to hurt, and I don't want to do it.
01:45:22.000 I took a cold shower.
01:45:23.000 I'm good. 0.58
01:45:23.000 Will you just open up your throat? 0.58
01:45:25.000 Oh, yeah.
01:45:26.000 I want Ari to do it. 0.60
01:45:33.000 Look at that.
01:45:34.000 We're back, dude.
01:45:35.000 America's back.
01:45:37.000 I'm worried about you.
01:45:38.000 There's a lot of drugs he's taking.
01:45:39.000 He's fine.
01:45:41.000 Mark, you got one.
01:45:44.000 He, for some reason, can do this.
01:45:46.000 That's true.
01:45:47.000 He can.
01:45:49.000 Oh, because I'm not 12. Doesn't even look that old.
01:45:53.000 Wait until the hat and the glasses come off.
01:45:57.000 Oh, there we go.
01:45:58.000 America! 1.00
01:46:00.000 Fuck yeah! 1.00
01:46:01.000 Everyone knows. 1.00
01:46:02.000 We've seen the special.
01:46:03.000 Dude, I was at Renese's wedding and you see the people coming in, but I'm on the last table.
01:46:07.000 And this was 15 years ago.
01:46:09.000 But did he really get married? 0.99
01:46:11.000 You see this giant, shiny, sorry, fucking box of my head ruining every photograph. 0.99
01:46:16.000 Sorry. 0.99
01:46:17.000 What'd you say?
01:46:18.000 I've heard it before.
01:46:18.000 But did he actually get married?
01:46:19.000 Yeah.
01:46:19.000 Yeah, it's pretty funny.
01:46:20.000 I heard he got married, but I don't know if it's true.
01:46:23.000 Ooh.
01:46:24.000 I like Steve.
01:46:25.000 Yeah, Steve's the best.
01:46:26.000 Now ayahuasca, my friend goes like twice a year.
01:46:30.000 Really?
01:46:30.000 He cleans you out, sets you back to baseline.
01:46:34.000 We could all go.
01:46:34.000 I know a great place.
01:46:35.000 Middle of the jungle.
01:46:36.000 Can we do it here? 1.00
01:46:37.000 You always have to go to the fucking jungle. 0.99
01:46:39.000 Everybody wants to go someplace. 1.00
01:46:40.000 Right.
01:46:41.000 Do it in your living room.
01:46:42.000 Yeah.
01:46:42.000 Yeah, Ari hates the suburbs.
01:46:44.000 Ari hates the suburbs.
01:46:45.000 Ari hates the suburbs.
01:46:46.000 Ari doesn't want to live in a nice place that's quiet. 1.00
01:46:48.000 You don't like suburbs? 1.00
01:46:49.000 Fuck the... 1.00
01:46:50.000 Not to do fucking hardcore drugs. 1.00
01:46:52.000 I love to live in New York. 0.99
01:46:53.000 I love to see people.
01:46:54.000 I love all the excitement.
01:46:55.000 You live in New York?
01:46:56.000 I live in New York and I hate it.
01:46:57.000 I have to, bro.
01:46:58.000 It's hard.
01:46:59.000 It's hard living in New York.
01:47:01.000 It's expensive. 1.00
01:47:02.000 New York sucks. 1.00
01:47:03.000 Boys. 1.00
01:47:04.000 It does suck. 1.00
01:47:04.000 Come. 1.00
01:47:05.000 It's dirty.
01:47:06.000 It's dirty.
01:47:06.000 There's no room.
01:47:07.000 Come to Texas.
01:47:08.000 I was never going to come to Texas.
01:47:10.000 That was never going to happen. 0.99
01:47:10.000 I got those taxes and I was like, God damn. 0.99
01:47:12.000 I might go to fucking Texas. 1.00
01:47:14.000 You came here for six months in one day. 1.00
01:47:17.000 God. 1.00
01:47:18.000 Fuck. 1.00
01:47:19.000 Now we're going, Jamie. 1.00
01:47:20.000 You're next, Jamie.
01:47:22.000 Don't shake your head.
01:47:23.000 You know you're next.
01:47:26.000 Yes.
01:47:28.000 Come on, Mark. 1.00
01:47:29.000 Suck it. 1.00
01:47:31.000 You put one in there, too. 1.00
01:47:32.000 That was just one. 0.98
01:47:33.000 Mark's just feeling fucking Sally. 0.99
01:47:35.000 It hurts. 1.00
01:47:36.000 It hurts the throat. 1.00
01:47:39.000 Mark, you gotta fucking do it. 0.99
01:47:41.000 Well, we got a couple hours ahead of us here. 1.00
01:47:42.000 Yeah, we're fine.
01:47:43.000 We've got plenty of time, boys.
01:47:45.000 Dude, let's drink at the club tonight. 0.98
01:47:47.000 That is going to be fucking great. 0.94
01:47:48.000 I think we go to Vulcan and then we leave immediately after Vulcan drinking and talk there. 0.98
01:47:54.000 We have all of our inspections passed and we have furniture.
01:47:57.000 Let's go there!
01:47:57.000 We're days away.
01:47:58.000 Yeah, we're going to go after the show.
01:48:00.000 Yeah.
01:48:00.000 Alright.
01:48:01.000 Yeah, we're going to go to Vulcan, do the show, and then we'll go get fucked up in that bar. 0.96
01:48:04.000 I can't wait to show you guys what it looks like now. 0.97
01:48:06.000 It's incredible.
01:48:07.000 Hell yeah.
01:48:08.000 It's wild.
01:48:10.000 It seems fake.
01:48:11.000 Do you think there's booze there?
01:48:12.000 Is there a bar ready?
01:48:13.000 We'll get bar.
01:48:14.000 We'll get booze. 0.94
01:48:15.000 If we don't have booze there, we'll get booze. 1.00
01:48:17.000 Don't worry.
01:48:18.000 America! 1.00
01:48:21.000 Fuck yeah! 1.00
01:48:22.000 We're world policing again. 1.00
01:48:24.000 Yeah.
01:48:25.000 We're back at it.
01:48:27.000 Ari, you think you're gonna stay in New York no matter what?
01:48:29.000 That's your spot?
01:48:29.000 No, I'll stay for two more years and I'll leave.
01:48:31.000 Where are you gonna go?
01:48:32.000 Probably like... 1.00
01:48:33.000 Why don't you come to Austin, bitch? 1.00
01:48:35.000 I think London. 1.00
01:48:36.000 London?
01:48:37.000 London, you god, soccer.
01:48:39.000 That's not brown enough. 1.00
01:48:40.000 Why are you going to fucking other New York? 0.99
01:48:42.000 That's what I did before. 0.99
01:48:43.000 LA to New York.
01:48:44.000 Funny voice New York?
01:48:45.000 You gotta be to like a...
01:48:47.000 Might as well move to Boston.
01:48:48.000 Dublin would be sick. 0.82
01:48:50.000 Dublin would be sick. 0.98
01:48:50.000 Dublin's small. 0.98
01:48:51.000 You wanna live in London?
01:48:54.000 Yeah, do spots.
01:48:55.000 I like doing spots.
01:48:56.000 They got good shows in London.
01:48:57.000 Good shows.
01:48:58.000 A lot of good shows.
01:48:59.000 I'm going to Australia after you.
01:49:01.000 Australia.
01:49:02.000 That would be great.
01:49:02.000 Sydney would be a cool place to live, too.
01:49:03.000 I'm doing the Sydney Opera House.
01:49:04.000 Come to it.
01:49:05.000 Yeah, he's doing Sydney Opera House.
01:49:07.000 I saw Shane at Town Hall. 0.99
01:49:09.000 It was fucking great. 0.98
01:49:09.000 Thanks, bro. 0.98
01:49:10.000 So cool.
01:49:10.000 All those people.
01:49:11.000 You watch comedy?
01:49:12.000 All those people.
01:49:13.000 Well, I was there.
01:49:13.000 Nah.
01:49:13.000 He came.
01:49:14.000 It was very nice.
01:49:14.000 I just came back from Mexico.
01:49:16.000 You got to see me, yeah, it was right when you got back, you got to see me surrounded by all the- It was so funny to see the Jews just fucking glomming onto him. 1.00
01:49:23.000 The industry. 0.99
01:49:25.000 I wasn't going to say it.
01:49:26.000 They talk differently, like Shane excited to be working with.
01:49:30.000 I'm just talking to that guy who's like, yeah, I'm the head of Netflix. 0.98
01:49:33.000 I was like, oh shit, I should have been more respectful. 0.99
01:49:36.000 Yeah. 0.99
01:49:36.000 Arnie, I got to get to your special. 0.99
01:49:38.000 Should have thrown your yarmulke.
01:49:39.000 Network people were hovering.
01:49:40.000 It's because the New York Comedy Fest was all there.
01:49:42.000 They're just hovering.
01:49:43.000 Hovering.
01:49:44.000 That's exactly right.
01:49:45.000 Trying to figure out a way to get a piece of that chain pie.
01:49:47.000 It's nice when they hover. 0.98
01:49:48.000 Because you're like, suck the youth out of you. 0.96
01:49:51.000 Just give me a little slice. 1.00
01:49:53.000 Just cut me a slice.
01:49:54.000 I'm giving them a slice.
01:49:55.000 Well, they're so mean to us at the beginning.
01:49:57.000 And when they hover, you're like, yeah.
01:49:58.000 Me and Moshe Kasher at Montreal saw just new faces.
01:50:01.000 And two old people were on both sides of him talking to him. 0.92
01:50:05.000 It just looked like they were sucking the youth right at him. 0.96
01:50:07.000 That's what they do. 0.99
01:50:08.000 Give it a second. 1.00
01:50:09.000 Fuck. 1.00
01:50:09.000 It's cold. 1.00
01:50:10.000 Give it a second.
01:50:13.000 That's a cold punch.
01:50:14.000 That's a cold punch. 0.62
01:50:15.000 Iron throat. 0.58
01:50:16.000 That's a punch.
01:50:17.000 Hell yeah.
01:50:18.000 That's a cold snack.
01:50:19.000 Huberman.
01:50:20.000 That's a punch.
01:50:21.000 Alright, Goggins.
01:50:22.000 That's a...
01:50:23.000 Wow.
01:50:24.000 Nice.
01:50:25.000 Good looking eagle.
01:50:27.000 Look at a name, this little guy.
01:50:29.000 Yeah, what's his name?
01:50:31.000 That's Freedom.
01:50:32.000 That's Freedom, our pet eagle.
01:50:33.000 There you go.
01:50:35.000 You like free.
01:50:36.000 Dude, is South Park the best?
01:50:38.000 South Park is amazing.
01:50:40.000 Because they're a cartoon, they get away with so much.
01:50:43.000 I couldn't place him.
01:50:45.000 Who was it?
01:50:45.000 It was Stone.
01:50:47.000 Yeah, and I was like, who is that guy from basketball?
01:50:49.000 Who is that guy?
01:50:50.000 And you were like, you were just giving me this, like, That's the one guy ever.
01:50:53.000 Who is it, though?
01:50:54.000 We were at Louie's show at the Garden.
01:50:56.000 He was there.
01:50:57.000 And I was sitting there.
01:50:59.000 I was like, dude, that's him.
01:51:01.000 And when you told me, I was like, oh, yes!
01:51:03.000 Shane will go up and say hi.
01:51:04.000 I can't do it.
01:51:05.000 I'll go up and say it, but I'm pretty good at it.
01:51:06.000 You are good at it.
01:51:07.000 I can't.
01:51:07.000 I go, yo, I'm a big fan.
01:51:08.000 And then I walk away.
01:51:09.000 That's the key.
01:51:10.000 I get too nervous around those people.
01:51:12.000 But I'm like, you should say hi.
01:51:14.000 Yeah, I was like, I'm going to go do it.
01:51:15.000 I just walked up to him.
01:51:16.000 I said, big fan.
01:51:17.000 He's like, okay.
01:51:19.000 And then walked away.
01:51:19.000 And then I stared at him from eight feet away for two hours.
01:51:23.000 I was going...
01:51:26.000 I love you so much, dude.
01:51:27.000 You meant the whole world to me.
01:51:29.000 Well, they have a freedom that no one else has on television.
01:51:31.000 Nobody's got it.
01:51:32.000 No one has that freedom on Comedy Central, not even close.
01:51:35.000 When we used to fight for people's words on, isn't that happening?
01:51:37.000 We're like, they're allowed, you gotta show precedent.
01:51:39.000 Cartman did it, doesn't count.
01:51:41.000 Everything else would count except Cartman.
01:51:43.000 You're not South Park.
01:51:44.000 Isn't that wild?
01:51:45.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:51:45.000 You said shit on the air. 1.00
01:51:47.000 They just grandfathered in. 1.00
01:51:49.000 Not just grandfathered in.
01:51:50.000 They're just the best.
01:51:51.000 They're above the law. 1.00
01:51:52.000 But Family Guy says some crazy shit, too. 1.00
01:51:53.000 Family Guy does. 1.00
01:51:54.000 Family Guy definitely does. 0.99
01:51:55.000 South Park's like, if you even come at them, they'll fucking eviscerate you. 0.98
01:52:01.000 They'll do another one. 0.95
01:52:02.000 The guy who put them on the map, they eviscerated.
01:52:04.000 They took George Clooney, who put them over.
01:52:07.000 And we're like, sorry dude, we gotta come after you.
01:52:09.000 The smug? 0.99
01:52:09.000 You're being a douche. 0.99
01:52:10.000 You're being a douche. 0.99
01:52:11.000 We gotta come after you. 0.87
01:52:11.000 Thank you for giving us everything we have, but we have to come after you. 0.87
01:52:14.000 Bro, that Kanye Carlos Mencia episode.
01:52:17.000 He's like, I'm not funny, man. 0.99
01:52:19.000 I got no dick! 1.00
01:52:20.000 I got no dick, man. 1.00
01:52:21.000 Oh my god. 1.00
01:52:23.000 He's like, you don't get it?
01:52:24.000 He's like, for real?
01:52:25.000 You don't get it?
01:52:25.000 Please get it.
01:52:31.000 It's crazy they're on cable, too.
01:52:34.000 This isn't like an internet show.
01:52:35.000 They're on TV. But they were on cable, and cable was the internet.
01:52:38.000 They're like, oh, it's wild there.
01:52:40.000 They're just grandfathered in like a Tarantino movie.
01:52:43.000 Was that HBO at first?
01:52:44.000 No, no.
01:52:45.000 It was a Christmas card at first.
01:52:47.000 It was a video.
01:52:48.000 I got the videocassette in the 90s.
01:52:52.000 I was dating a girl who was an agent at William Morris, and they were passing it around the office, and everybody got copies of it.
01:52:58.000 And I was like, this is insane.
01:53:00.000 It was so fun.
01:53:01.000 It was, what would Brian Boitano do?
01:53:03.000 What would Brian Boitano do? 0.99
01:53:04.000 If he were here right now, He'd cheerily kickin' ass, dude! 0.99
01:53:07.000 That's what Brian Boitano would do. 0.99
01:53:09.000 And it's even more primitive.
01:53:11.000 Like, if you watched the animation back then, it was even more...
01:53:14.000 You wanna know how much I loved South Park?
01:53:16.000 When we were playing basketball...
01:53:17.000 When we were playing basketball as kids, you know how you write stuff in marker on your shoes in basketball?
01:53:22.000 Yeah.
01:53:23.000 I wrote Brian Boitano.
01:53:30.000 Thank God for them.
01:53:32.000 I know.
01:53:33.000 They're the best.
01:53:34.000 They're the front lines.
01:53:35.000 They're the front lines.
01:53:36.000 They're the tip of this beer.
01:53:38.000 What's going on here?
01:53:38.000 Give me some volume.
01:53:39.000 Christmas is for celebrating my birth.
01:53:41.000 Christmas is for giving.
01:53:43.000 I'm here to put an end to your blasphemy.
01:53:46.000 This time we finish it.
01:53:47.000 There can be all they want.
01:53:49.000 Wendy, yeah?
01:53:51.000 Wendy Testerberger?
01:53:58.000 They're just cutting out pieces of paper.
01:54:09.000 He's a Street Fighter character all of a sudden.
01:54:27.000 The fart noise.
01:54:28.000 It killed Kenny.
01:54:29.000 That's the first one.
01:54:30.000 Oh, really?
01:54:31.000 Yeah, the first.
01:54:32.000 They killed Kenny.
01:54:34.000 Wow!
01:54:35.000 It's also great that people like it.
01:54:37.000 Yeah. 0.99
01:54:37.000 Like, this would suck if people were like, we hate that show, it's shitty. 0.99
01:54:40.000 But people love it! 0.99
01:54:40.000 They can't say that. 0.99
01:54:41.000 They entertain so many people, they just can't say it.
01:54:43.000 It's too good.
01:54:44.000 So it's like, they keep coming after them, it's like, they stopped.
01:54:46.000 Because no one bowed down, they just stopped and went away.
01:54:48.000 Do you remember when they drew Muhammad?
01:54:49.000 They just put on a new episode this week?
01:54:50.000 No, I mean the anger at them.
01:54:52.000 Like, we're gonna stop you, they're like, eh, this is the point.
01:54:54.000 Remember when they drew Muhammad, but they drew Muhammad in a bear suit inside of a van? 0.85
01:54:58.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:55:01.000 They're the N.W.A. of comedy.
01:55:03.000 They go hard. 0.99
01:55:04.000 They go pretty fucking hard. 1.00
01:55:06.000 They also, every time I watch the episode, I go, fuck, I was wrong. 1.00
01:55:09.000 I'm gay. 1.00
01:55:10.000 They're right.
01:55:11.000 If I had any opinion, they hit both sides. 0.99
01:55:15.000 So if you're like, yeah, you're attacking the other side, and they turn it to your side, you're like, ah, damn it. 1.00
01:55:20.000 Damn it. 1.00
01:55:20.000 I'm lame. 1.00
01:55:21.000 I'm lame.
01:55:21.000 And then you saw the documentary.
01:55:24.000 Yeah.
01:55:24.000 You know, and they're just sitting in a room like, uh, the clock's ticking, we gotta figure out an angle here.
01:55:29.000 It was the fucking, uh, it was the, uh, human centipede one where he's like, uh, Kyrie! 0.98
01:55:34.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:55:35.000 A cuttlefish?
01:55:37.000 Exactly. 1.00
01:55:38.000 And then when you're like, maybe I should pull back on my comedy, I go too dark, and then you see that and you're like, no, fuck it, it's fun. 0.92
01:55:44.000 Yeah, the thing about it is that it's cartoons, and they're not even remotely realistic cartoons, so you can get away with so much. 0.89
01:55:51.000 And they never age.
01:55:53.000 Not only gets too old.
01:55:54.000 No, they age one year.
01:55:55.000 Once.
01:55:55.000 Really?
01:55:56.000 That was it.
01:55:56.000 They went to fourth grade.
01:55:58.000 Miss Chokes on Dick? 1.00
01:55:59.000 It's like we can get a whole new set of teachers now, aging one year.
01:56:03.000 Wow.
01:56:04.000 They're also right.
01:56:05.000 That's the hard part. 0.99
01:56:06.000 Remember when the teacher had a whore off with Parasyl? 1.00
01:56:11.000 Shove her up his ass. 1.00
01:56:12.000 He was just so casual waiting. 1.00
01:56:15.000 No, that's whorey. 1.00
01:56:16.000 That's for sure whorey. 1.00
01:56:17.000 Let me show you now. 0.92
01:56:18.000 I learned about Rimjob from South Park.
01:56:22.000 What a show. 0.68
01:56:23.000 The PC parts of all of it.
01:56:25.000 They've been on for what now?
01:56:27.000 25 years?
01:56:28.000 26 years?
01:56:29.000 Freshman year of high school.
01:56:31.000 1997, I think.
01:56:32.000 Freshman year of college for me.
01:56:33.000 I was thinking about this week when I was watching the new episode. 0.95
01:56:36.000 I was like, when this ends, I'm going to be fucking sad. 0.80
01:56:39.000 This has been my whole life. 0.94
01:56:41.000 I wonder if they're ever going to end.
01:56:42.000 They will eventually.
01:56:44.000 Seems like they enjoy it.
01:56:45.000 I mean, it's so funny.
01:56:47.000 They have to be having a good time.
01:56:49.000 Two where they could be like, we're taking three years off, and anybody would have to do that.
01:56:52.000 Like Curb, whenever you want to come back, you're welcome to.
01:56:55.000 It's funny because if you give people the freedom to do whatever the fuck you want, you get a South Park, but they're never going to do that again. 0.73
01:57:01.000 It was Colin Quinn's keynote address at Montreal. 0.87
01:57:04.000 He was like, industry.
01:57:06.000 If you got it right half the time, I could understand you talking.
01:57:10.000 But you're right never.
01:57:12.000 Don't you just want to shut up and let us fail on our terms?
01:57:16.000 That's why the internet's great.
01:57:17.000 We can just go to that.
01:57:19.000 Well, they never...
01:57:20.000 When do you guys think the pendulum's gonna swing back?
01:57:22.000 Imagine that.
01:57:23.000 Well, the pendulum is good for us, though.
01:57:25.000 The pendulum not swinging back is good for the internet.
01:57:29.000 Like, you could...
01:57:29.000 Imagine if this show was on Comedy Central.
01:57:32.000 Imagine the notes we would get.
01:57:33.000 What, this?
01:57:34.000 Ari's doing whippets. 1.00
01:57:36.000 We're doing bong hits.
01:57:37.000 We may or may not have done mushrooms.
01:57:39.000 Nobody did mushrooms.
01:57:40.000 Nobody did mushrooms, though.
01:57:42.000 Mushrooms are bad.
01:57:43.000 Comedy Central was right in this case because we did not do mushrooms.
01:57:45.000 We definitely did not because those are not legal.
01:57:47.000 They'd have a lot of notes, though.
01:57:48.000 We need more gays than just Jamie.
01:57:50.000 It was so weird fighting with us. 0.86
01:57:52.000 Jamie.
01:57:52.000 Oh, this one's yours, Jamie.
01:57:54.000 Oh, yeah, Jamie.
01:57:56.000 J-Mo, you gotta get in on this big dog.
01:57:58.000 Come on, you big man.
01:57:59.000 You gotta get in on this big dog.
01:58:01.000 Come on.
01:58:02.000 Yeah, he's playing it for himself.
01:58:03.000 Hitting the music for himself.
01:58:06.000 J-Mo, get fired up. 0.59
01:58:08.000 Come on. 1.00
01:58:34.000 He's the fucking Michael Jordan of podcast producers. 1.00
01:58:38.000 No one's even close. 1.00
01:58:39.000 He's the goat. 1.00
01:58:41.000 He fucking burns hard on him. 1.00
01:58:45.000 He moved it away. 1.00
01:58:47.000 Huge dick. 1.00
01:58:47.000 Last night, I was trying to talk him into going to a strip club. 1.00
01:58:50.000 He was like, gotta work.
01:58:52.000 Yeah, he wouldn't do it.
01:58:52.000 And he wanted to go.
01:58:53.000 I could tell he wanted to hang out with me and drink.
01:58:55.000 You can't go down that road.
01:58:56.000 And he didn't want to do it.
01:58:57.000 You hired the right guy.
01:58:58.000 You got a good guy.
01:58:59.000 I met him at a comedy club.
01:59:01.000 I was trying all my tactics.
01:59:04.000 America!
01:59:04.000 Shang has good tactics.
01:59:06.000 I'm pretty good at peer pressure.
01:59:07.000 The main one is just, you won't.
01:59:09.000 That's your main one.
01:59:10.000 Yeah, you just gotta do that for an hour.
01:59:11.000 And then eventually be like, okay, I will.
01:59:12.000 I gotta get out of here last night before this goes south.
01:59:15.000 I have my commitment.
01:59:17.000 It doesn't work with women in that direction. 1.00
01:59:18.000 My one hour in front of the computer commitment.
01:59:20.000 I've tried that with girls. 0.98
01:59:21.000 It did go south.
01:59:21.000 It did go south.
01:59:22.000 Actually, that was the first time it went north.
01:59:25.000 It went north.
01:59:26.000 It was pretty fun.
01:59:27.000 It went northwest. 1.00
01:59:28.000 Nick's the shit. 1.00
01:59:30.000 Nick's a good dude. 1.00
01:59:31.000 Oh, Nick's a good egg.
01:59:31.000 Nick is.
01:59:32.000 He looks like if Bart Simpson grew up.
01:59:35.000 He's a good dude.
01:59:37.000 He's a solid dude.
01:59:38.000 Like, when the club opens up, I'm 100% committed to still doing Vulcan.
01:59:42.000 Really?
01:59:43.000 Yeah, I want to do that too.
01:59:44.000 That's competition.
01:59:45.000 Nah, not really.
01:59:46.000 There's no competition in comedy.
01:59:48.000 I don't believe it.
01:59:49.000 There's more sets and less sets.
01:59:49.000 I don't believe it.
01:59:50.000 I believe it.
01:59:51.000 That's like competition, like doing someone else's podcast is like competition.
01:59:54.000 Wait, is it?
01:59:55.000 I don't believe it.
01:59:55.000 No.
01:59:56.000 Okay, good job. 1.00
01:59:57.000 Oh shit. 0.99
01:59:58.000 Should I not be here? 1.00
01:59:59.000 We flipped the script.
02:00:01.000 The internet flipped the script.
02:00:02.000 Did you do one yet?
02:00:03.000 Yeah.
02:00:03.000 Yeah, you're up, Gil.
02:00:04.000 100%, bro.
02:00:05.000 He's already five beers in.
02:00:07.000 I'll do it.
02:00:07.000 Yeah.
02:00:08.000 Okay, I'll be waiting for it to cool off.
02:00:09.000 I know.
02:00:10.000 Are you three beers in here?
02:00:11.000 We'll cool off a little.
02:00:12.000 No, four plus this one.
02:00:13.000 Jesus Christ, son.
02:00:14.000 I'm on six.
02:00:15.000 Come on.
02:00:17.000 Where's this bodega cat?
02:00:20.000 You gotta wait till it kicks, huh?
02:00:22.000 You gotta wait for the right time.
02:00:48.000 You've lost it, old man. 0.99
02:00:53.000 Yes.
02:00:54.000 Mancia was right about him.
02:00:57.000 Dude, how much does Mancia roll, dude? 1.00
02:01:00.000 Oh, man, he's a funny guy.
02:01:03.000 I actually opened for him once.
02:01:04.000 He was very nice.
02:01:05.000 Come on.
02:01:06.000 I swear to God.
02:01:06.000 Really?
02:01:07.000 The 2nd Street Comedy Club in Harrisburg.
02:01:10.000 Woo! 0.99
02:01:10.000 They have two clubs there? 0.99
02:01:12.000 They did.
02:01:12.000 It failed pretty quick.
02:01:14.000 Yeah, yeah.
02:01:14.000 And I was the only host.
02:01:16.000 And I did the sound, the lights, and the hosting.
02:01:20.000 You did the turn your cell phones off?
02:01:22.000 No, there was no announcements.
02:01:24.000 I was drunk doing the hosting.
02:01:26.000 I was doing the announcements from the piano.
02:01:28.000 The piano player wasn't there at the comedy store.
02:01:30.000 I was like, guys, turn your phones off.
02:01:31.000 Make sure to be there.
02:01:33.000 Be quiet.
02:01:35.000 Hey, we had an earthquake last week.
02:01:37.000 Aren't earthquakes weird?
02:01:38.000 I was like, no!
02:01:41.000 No!
02:01:43.000 I had to open for a comic.
02:01:44.000 I don't want to name him.
02:01:46.000 But he played, he was like, I want my intro song to be Sex on Fire by Kings of Leon.
02:01:52.000 I like that song.
02:01:53.000 Of course. 1.00
02:01:55.000 God, you're a fucking loser. 1.00
02:01:57.000 It is actually a great song, but it's gay to say you like it. 1.00
02:02:03.000 That's why you gotta take it to your grave. 0.92
02:02:04.000 And that can't be your bring-up music.
02:02:06.000 Yeah, as an intro song in comedy.
02:02:08.000 I've been doing Black Skinhead.
02:02:10.000 Intro songs, uh, see, that's corny.
02:02:12.000 You can't pick a too cool of a song.
02:02:14.000 It's so cool.
02:02:15.000 It's just the beat up front.
02:02:16.000 Yeah. 0.89
02:02:16.000 I don't want to fucking go, hey, maybe that song? 0.89
02:02:18.000 I come out to Top's Drop by Fat Pat. 0.98
02:02:21.000 There you go.
02:02:22.000 You know who else comes out to that?
02:02:24.000 Who?
02:02:24.000 Uh, who's, uh...
02:02:28.000 Black dude, heavyweight, my balls was hot. 0.99
02:02:31.000 Lavelle Crawford. 1.00
02:02:32.000 No, no, no.
02:02:32.000 Derek Lewis.
02:02:34.000 H-Town.
02:02:35.000 It's a Houston classic.
02:02:37.000 Derek's the man.
02:02:38.000 That's what he comes out to.
02:02:39.000 The best come out music was Homer Simpson.
02:02:41.000 It's so good.
02:02:42.000 Why can't we be friends?
02:02:42.000 Listen to how good this is as an intro song.
02:02:45.000 Wait till it kicks in.
02:02:49.000 You should do that bong when it hits in.
02:02:59.000 Ooh, that is catchy.
02:03:01.000 That's fun, right?
02:03:02.000 Who's not too serious?
02:03:04.000 This is Fat Pat. 1.00
02:03:05.000 Oh, shit. 1.00
02:03:07.000 This is Mr. Pat. 1.00
02:03:12.000 That's a classic.
02:03:13.000 That's a classic.
02:03:14.000 That's a great one.
02:03:15.000 You know, my favorite was, I didn't know the UFC that well, but when Wonderboy fought Tyron Woodley.
02:03:23.000 I rarely watched UFC. And then Wonderboy came out to fucking Tenacious D Wonderboy. 0.87
02:03:29.000 And he was fighting Woodley, who at the time was just a yoked fucking black dude. 0.99
02:03:37.000 And then you see this karate guy coming out to Tenacious D, and I was like, come on, brother! 0.98
02:03:42.000 Please!
02:03:43.000 Give us one!
02:03:45.000 He's a good fighter, though.
02:03:46.000 Who, Wonderboy?
02:03:47.000 Oh, Wonderboy's the man. 0.99
02:03:48.000 Fucking unreal. 0.99
02:03:48.000 Wonderboy's the man. 0.99
02:03:49.000 But I think he did lose that one.
02:03:50.000 I think it was a draw.
02:03:52.000 Oh! 0.60
02:03:54.000 I think it was a draw.
02:03:55.000 Alright.
02:03:56.000 But there was one point where Woodley had him in the deepest guillotine you've ever seen.
02:04:02.000 And then he popped his head out and it was like...
02:04:04.000 It was a great fight.
02:04:05.000 There was two great fights.
02:04:06.000 That was McGregor vs.
02:04:09.000 Alvarez?
02:04:09.000 Was it?
02:04:10.000 I think it was that night.
02:04:11.000 I think the best fight is Gagey vs.
02:04:15.000 Michael Johnson. 1.00
02:04:16.000 It's a fucking bloodbath. 1.00
02:04:18.000 Ooh, that's a great fight. 1.00
02:04:18.000 That's a great fight. 1.00
02:04:18.000 That was Gaethje's first fight in the UFC. What? 1.00
02:04:21.000 No way.
02:04:22.000 Yeah, it was.
02:04:22.000 Yeah, Gaethje had come over from the PFL. He was the PFL champion, and he came over to the UFC, and it was like one of the most exciting prospects.
02:04:31.000 I remember thinking like, this guy's why?
02:04:34.000 He goes down like twice, but he comes back up.
02:04:36.000 He's the most violent guy in the most violent sport.
02:04:39.000 He's my favorite fighter to watch.
02:04:40.000 Gaethje?
02:04:41.000 Oh my God.
02:04:41.000 Diaz, dude.
02:04:42.000 Well, Diaz is a fun personality, fun-loving guy.
02:04:45.000 No, but he also...
02:04:46.000 He's a character.
02:04:47.000 He's a car.
02:04:47.000 The last several fights he's been in, they've been fun.
02:04:49.000 I was at his fight with Epstein where he fucking gave the fingers. 0.94
02:04:53.000 We were sitting there and we're like, what? 0.99
02:04:55.000 Epstein.
02:04:56.000 Our jujitsu guy.
02:04:57.000 Jesus Christ.
02:04:58.000 Epstein.
02:04:59.000 Epstein.
02:04:59.000 Oh, yeah, the jujitsu guy.
02:05:01.000 Epstein.
02:05:01.000 Oh, yeah.
02:05:03.000 I thought you were saying he's fighting Epstein.
02:05:06.000 And he was like, what?
02:05:07.000 Oh, you were with Epstein.
02:05:09.000 Yeah, he was giving the fingers and he was like, what?
02:05:11.000 What?!
02:05:12.000 That's not part of it!
02:05:12.000 Him versus Rocky.
02:05:14.000 Who's...
02:05:15.000 Marciano.
02:05:16.000 No.
02:05:17.000 Leon Edwards.
02:05:17.000 Him versus Leon Edwards.
02:05:19.000 Oh, yeah.
02:05:19.000 So he catches this dude in a triangle.
02:05:20.000 He knows.
02:05:21.000 It's alright.
02:05:22.000 Flexes.
02:05:23.000 Yeah, that's fun.
02:05:24.000 He's got two minutes left.
02:05:24.000 There's zero chance it's not over.
02:05:25.000 Full on lock on the triangle.
02:05:27.000 Tap.
02:05:28.000 He doesn't have to grab his head.
02:05:29.000 It's over.
02:05:29.000 That was my favorite...
02:05:30.000 Joe, that was like my favorite call you did.
02:05:33.000 Was him walking... 0.99
02:05:34.000 He's walking towards him like a fucking horror movie. 1.00
02:05:36.000 He knows his luck. 1.00
02:05:37.000 He's banged up, just like still walking.
02:05:39.000 Oh, that was 08. Yeah.
02:05:41.000 Holy moly.
02:05:42.000 He was the younger brother then.
02:05:43.000 He wasn't his own man yet.
02:05:45.000 That's a good point.
02:05:46.000 Yeah, you're right.
02:05:46.000 But still, wicked jiu-jitsu.
02:05:48.000 Nasty jiu-jitsu.
02:05:49.000 Purple belt.
02:05:50.000 Does he still say that?
02:05:52.000 What?
02:05:52.000 He was saying he was a purple belt for a long time.
02:05:54.000 Was he? 0.99
02:05:54.000 He'd be like, shut up, dude. 0.99
02:05:56.000 Just a purple belt. 0.99
02:05:57.000 That's fine.
02:05:58.000 When he landed on Leon, the slap and the straight.
02:06:01.000 Oh my god.
02:06:02.000 When he hit him with that straight left hand, he was like, ooh. 1.00
02:06:05.000 Gotcha, bitch. 1.00
02:06:06.000 See, that's why it's the funnest sport, because they have personalities. 1.00
02:06:09.000 Like, the Dolphins are just the Dolphins.
02:06:11.000 Nah, you'd be surprised.
02:06:13.000 You'd be surprised.
02:06:13.000 Well, you showed me some Jalen Hurts.
02:06:15.000 They didn't let him fucking go nuts on air anymore. 0.98
02:06:19.000 Yeah, they contain those guys. 0.99
02:06:20.000 They try to sell sponsors.
02:06:22.000 They sell way more.
02:06:24.000 They've contained them for a while, but now there's Twitter.
02:06:26.000 True.
02:06:27.000 You know he's a flat earther now.
02:06:28.000 After that game.
02:06:30.000 That helps.
02:06:31.000 Well, eventually they all become flat earther.
02:06:32.000 They get dinged in the head and they're like, the sky's not real.
02:06:35.000 What does he come out to?
02:06:36.000 I don't know.
02:06:36.000 What does Nate Diaz come out to?
02:06:37.000 I'll tell you what he comes out to.
02:06:38.000 I'll take a California love and then switch to something.
02:06:40.000 California love.
02:06:41.000 Too short? 0.99
02:06:41.000 99 bitches? 0.99
02:06:42.000 9900 bitches? 1.00
02:06:43.000 99 red balloons. 0.99
02:06:45.000 West Coast.
02:06:47.000 Luftwaffe.
02:06:48.000 Yeah.
02:06:50.000 Yeah, walkout music's important.
02:06:52.000 Oh yeah. 0.99
02:06:52.000 I love when a Brazilian comes out and just like whistles and drums and bullshit. 0.99
02:06:56.000 I was in Brazil with Rogan, our first Brazil fight, and they were all chanting the whole- He has walked up to a mashup of four songs. 0.98
02:07:03.000 Wow.
02:07:04.000 Could you mashup?
02:07:05.000 Could you play it to fire yourself?
02:07:06.000 DMX, Lil Wayne, Drake.
02:07:08.000 Wow.
02:07:09.000 He had four songs and Tupac.
02:07:12.000 Interesting.
02:07:13.000 Wow.
02:07:14.000 Interesting.
02:07:16.000 Hit it, JMO. So you just fucking mixed it all up. 0.99
02:07:19.000 The way I am was at the Garden. 0.99
02:07:21.000 I was at that one.
02:07:22.000 Whoa.
02:07:23.000 That was pretty sick. 1.00
02:07:24.000 That was the fucking bad motherfucker belt. 1.00
02:07:27.000 Which I wish they hadn't done. 1.00
02:07:28.000 Yeah, the basketball fight. 1.00
02:07:29.000 The bad motherfucker belt sucked. 1.00
02:07:32.000 It was like they were too aware of it. 1.00
02:07:34.000 It was kind of fun, though.
02:07:37.000 That's his mashup?
02:07:40.000 There's not much like a world championship walkout at the UFC. Sometimes I take my headset off.
02:07:45.000 Like when I'm sitting there doing commentary, when someone's walking out, I just take my headset off.
02:07:49.000 Just to take it in.
02:07:52.000 I'm a fan, man.
02:07:54.000 I'm a professional fan. 0.99
02:07:55.000 He comes out to Scarface, which is fucking sick. 0.98
02:07:58.000 One of the cool things about being a UFC commentator is I'm just a professional fan. 0.99
02:08:04.000 What did Anderson come out to?
02:08:05.000 He came out to DMX, right?
02:08:07.000 Didn't Anderson come out to DMX? Mmm, I like the Gi, because they look like nerds and then they kick ass. 1.00
02:08:14.000 Olden days. 0.99
02:08:15.000 We were at a fight in No Sunshine.
02:08:17.000 That's a classic.
02:08:18.000 That's a good one.
02:08:19.000 That's a classic.
02:08:20.000 Look at this.
02:08:21.000 Is Anderson walking up?
02:08:24.000 Ain't no sunshine.
02:08:26.000 Bill Withers. 1.00
02:08:27.000 Yeah, Bill Withers was the fucking man. 1.00
02:08:30.000 He died during COVID and everyone was like, he's alive? 1.00
02:08:32.000 He made me so sad.
02:08:34.000 I love that guy's music.
02:08:36.000 He's great.
02:08:37.000 That song, Use Me?
02:08:38.000 Yes.
02:08:39.000 Oh my god, that's such a good song.
02:08:43.000 You know what was nice? 0.99
02:08:44.000 I'm fucked up. 0.99
02:08:45.000 What? 1.00
02:08:46.000 They put it in Any Given Sunday.
02:08:49.000 You ever see that movie?
02:08:50.000 Yeah.
02:08:51.000 Awesome.
02:08:51.000 Pacino.
02:08:52.000 What's his name?
02:08:53.000 How Pacino?
02:08:54.000 The old quarterback, Cap Rooney.
02:08:56.000 He's like the veteran all-star.
02:08:58.000 He was hurt, and then he comes back in the playoffs, and they play Use Me.
02:09:01.000 It's such a perfect song.
02:09:03.000 It's like a guy who's like, his body's destroyed.
02:09:06.000 And it's like, you keep on using me.
02:09:08.000 My wife says...
02:09:13.000 Excuse me.
02:09:15.000 How nice is this?
02:09:16.000 Oh, what a great song this is.
02:09:18.000 Boy, you pulled out quickly. 0.99
02:09:23.000 Perfect for a geezer quarterback that's getting fucking hurt. 0.99
02:09:26.000 Good catch. 0.99
02:09:28.000 On the song.
02:09:30.000 Let me just hear just the song.
02:09:32.000 Let me hear this part when he lets go to the ball and it plays it. 1.00
02:09:36.000 Are stupid. 1.00
02:09:41.000 We're good. 1.00
02:09:49.000 You think football players watch this and go, like the way we watch stand-up in movies?
02:09:53.000 Probably.
02:09:54.000 It's like, that's not the way it is.
02:09:55.000 Everything.
02:09:57.000 Movies fuck up everything. 0.91
02:10:00.000 Movies fuck up everything. 0.97
02:10:01.000 There's no way they get it right. 0.96
02:10:03.000 Like every boxing movie, every time someone plays pool in a movie.
02:10:07.000 He hated Whiplash, that movie Whiplash. 0.99
02:10:09.000 It was so fucking sick. 0.99
02:10:10.000 It was such a good movie. 0.99
02:10:11.000 Great movie.
02:10:12.000 But she was like, he's a jazz musician.
02:10:13.000 It goes, there's no jazz competitions.
02:10:15.000 You just couldn't get over that.
02:10:17.000 Oh, yeah, I get it. 0.98
02:10:18.000 The same way we couldn't get over fucking Lockers and Punchline. 0.98
02:10:22.000 Kumites. 0.99
02:10:23.000 No.
02:10:23.000 And Kickboxer.
02:10:24.000 The Kumite with Jean-Claude Van Damme.
02:10:26.000 Yeah, that's right.
02:10:27.000 Oh, yeah!
02:10:28.000 And you're like, no, we don't do that.
02:10:30.000 Is that Bloodsport?
02:10:31.000 Yeah, Bloodsport.
02:10:32.000 You're right, you're right.
02:10:33.000 That's how I am with football movies.
02:10:34.000 It just ruins...
02:10:35.000 Yeah, I get it.
02:10:36.000 There's like a giant hit on every play.
02:10:38.000 That would be the biggest hit of the entire season.
02:10:41.000 Remember the movie Warrior?
02:10:43.000 The movie Warrior.
02:10:44.000 Oh, yeah.
02:10:44.000 To fight with one hand tied behind your back?
02:10:46.000 No, no, no, no.
02:10:47.000 That's Red Belt. 0.99
02:10:49.000 Warriors with...
02:10:50.000 Warrior, yeah.
02:10:51.000 Tom Hardy?
02:10:51.000 Tom Hardy, yeah.
02:10:52.000 The movie Warrior, they fight two days in a row. 0.99
02:10:55.000 I go, this is fucking... 0.99
02:10:56.000 I was in the movie theater. 1.00
02:10:57.000 I was like, you can't.
02:10:58.000 You're killing me.
02:10:59.000 These guys would be swollen up. 0.95
02:11:01.000 Their faces would look like watermelons.
02:11:03.000 Like, they'd be so busted up.
02:11:04.000 Yeah, they're fine the next day. 0.97
02:11:06.000 There's not a fucking chance you're fighting two days in a row. 0.96
02:11:08.000 Yeah, but look at those hot guys. 0.98
02:11:09.000 He's good. 0.99
02:11:10.000 Too many guys are getting flatlined and you're fucking getting elbowed in the face. 0.99
02:11:14.000 Who's that guy on the right? 0.99
02:11:15.000 That's his brother.
02:11:16.000 They fight the brothers.
02:11:17.000 What?
02:11:17.000 He's a hot guy.
02:11:18.000 They're all hot guys.
02:11:20.000 Couple of hugs.
02:11:20.000 It wasn't the worst movie, but there's a suspension of disbelief that's required.
02:11:27.000 I don't know how to open up my throat, but this guy just sips it for a while.
02:11:31.000 You don't know how to open up your throat because you poisoned it with whippets. 1.00
02:11:35.000 Finish it.
02:11:36.000 It's done.
02:11:37.000 I'm enjoying the show.
02:11:39.000 You're so sad.
02:11:43.000 You're going to hit the bathroom again looking at some of these bottles.
02:11:47.000 Yeah, I think they do that with the military, too.
02:11:50.000 They have all these side-by-sides of real green versus the movie. 0.99
02:11:56.000 There's a movie where it's like everybody's fucking Hispanic and black and a lady. 0.95
02:12:01.000 And they're like, here's the squad it was based off of. 1.00
02:12:03.000 It's five chubby dudes with beards.
02:12:05.000 Yes.
02:12:06.000 Like Afghanistan. 0.99
02:12:08.000 Right, exactly.
02:12:10.000 They have the woman general. 1.00
02:12:11.000 Oh, man, they fucked that up. 1.00
02:12:13.000 God, they fucked that up. 0.99
02:12:15.000 They love doing that. 0.99
02:12:16.000 They love doing that, movies.
02:12:18.000 Yeah, the woman who's in control. 1.00
02:12:21.000 Like a fucking diner, shitty diner for hot dogs, and we walked by a Lifetime original, like, billboard, and it was two female cops with, like, guns out with, like, a male cop sergeant behind them, and Rogan goes, Lifetime is sci-fi for women. 1.00
02:12:36.000 Oh! 1.00
02:12:38.000 That's good.
02:12:40.000 It's science fiction.
02:12:40.000 That's fun.
02:12:40.000 It's science fiction.
02:12:41.000 Total fiction, bro.
02:12:42.000 That's a bit.
02:12:44.000 That's what it felt like. 0.99
02:12:45.000 What if we were the ones who were like, fucking beating up. 0.99
02:12:48.000 We're the baddies. 0.99
02:12:50.000 We're Charlie's Angels.
02:12:51.000 They always were like, men of the world were toxic, but then they just do it in the movie.
02:12:55.000 They do it there.
02:12:56.000 We're gonna do karate.
02:12:58.000 And that was the karate, and we'll pay our own bills.
02:13:01.000 And the big guy tried to beat me up, and I was like, no way.
02:13:05.000 There's nothing funny than karate with pumps on.
02:13:08.000 It's hard enough to do karate barefoot.
02:13:10.000 You're wearing pumps.
02:13:12.000 And then the movie bombs, but then Fifty Shades of Grey is like the bestseller.
02:13:16.000 Isn't that crazy?
02:13:16.000 The Fifty Shades of Grey thing is so nuts.
02:13:19.000 They love it.
02:13:19.000 My buddy said that he was like on dating apps or dating girls at the time.
02:13:24.000 He's like, dude, girls want me to spit in their mouth now, like out of nowhere. 0.92
02:13:27.000 Who said that?
02:13:28.000 I was like, what?
02:13:29.000 I'll tell you later.
02:13:30.000 Somebody.
02:13:31.000 He, you know, he was realizing like what was happening because of Fifty Shades of Grey, that women were like into like getting choked and spit on and stuff.
02:13:39.000 Oh, yeah.
02:13:40.000 And he was like out of nowhere.
02:13:42.000 He goes like, it's like the movie changed.
02:13:44.000 It changed the game.
02:13:45.000 Fantasies.
02:13:45.000 Definitely.
02:13:46.000 That's a...
02:13:48.000 The billionaire who's like a bad boy, but you get to control, you dominate him.
02:13:52.000 Yeah.
02:13:53.000 It's never a poor guy.
02:13:54.000 McCusker had a funny joke about that. 1.00
02:13:57.000 He was a fucking plumber. 1.00
02:13:59.000 Everybody would be like, God damn, that guy's a rapist. 1.00
02:14:01.000 That's what I'm saying. 1.00
02:14:03.000 Some guy in a trailer that was like, I'm going to beat the hell out of you.
02:14:06.000 Yeah, it's never a janitor. 1.00
02:14:07.000 The guy with the fucking private jet, I'm good. 0.99
02:14:10.000 Good choice. 1.00
02:14:13.000 Good choice, old man.
02:14:14.000 J-Mo, you're coming up soon.
02:14:15.000 J-Mo, you're up.
02:14:16.000 He can take them down like Chinatown. 1.00
02:14:18.000 J-Mo loves it.
02:14:19.000 I'm just disappointed that you guys don't want to do the cold plunge.
02:14:22.000 And the Whippets. 0.99
02:14:23.000 That was part of the plan last night. 0.99
02:14:24.000 I know, but I put my hand in that last time, and it sucks. 0.95
02:14:27.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
02:14:27.000 That's the whole point.
02:14:28.000 It hurts. 0.99
02:14:29.000 It sucks. 0.89
02:14:30.000 I've never done one. 0.97
02:14:31.000 I've never done a cold plunge in my life.
02:14:32.000 Let's go.
02:14:33.000 It ain't fun.
02:14:33.000 Let me black out.
02:14:35.000 Let my body go numb.
02:14:38.000 Yeah, there you go.
02:14:39.000 It'll wake you up, too.
02:14:39.000 If you're in a blackout and you cold plunge, you'll be up and at them.
02:14:47.000 That's West Point, baby!
02:14:48.000 Hey, not to bring this down, but I was reading this article today.
02:14:51.000 No!
02:14:52.000 No! 1.00
02:14:53.000 Fuck you! 1.00
02:14:54.000 I was reading this article today about a slaughterhouse that got fined for having too many children working there. 1.00
02:15:03.000 Now we're talking.
02:15:03.000 Children working on a slaughterhouse.
02:15:05.000 That wasn't bad.
02:15:05.000 And so then I read this article that was researching this slaughterhouse as one of the worst safety records in the entire country.
02:15:13.000 This slaughterhouse, they've had decapitations there.
02:15:16.000 A bunch of people have died, but people got decapitated.
02:15:21.000 More than 100 children have been discovered to be illegally employed by a slaughterhouse cleaning firm across the country.
02:15:28.000 Federal authorities and the Department of Labor announced that a federal investigation found Wisconsin-based Packers Sanitation Services employed at least 102 children.
02:15:39.000 Now who are these hero kids that are like, I'll do this at 13. These kids are animals.
02:15:44.000 Ranging from 13 to 17 years old. 0.59
02:15:46.000 Get a job!
02:15:47.000 To work overnight shifts at 13 meat processing facilities.
02:15:52.000 Can you imagine being at 13 and you're cleaning saws?
02:15:55.000 These are good kids.
02:15:55.000 Bone saws and brisket saws and head splitters.
02:15:59.000 That's how we're gonna beat Russia. 0.92
02:16:00.000 Right. 1.00
02:16:01.000 Send over these fucking 13-year-olds. 1.00
02:16:03.000 Look at this. 1.00
02:16:03.000 A 14-year-old child worked at a Nebraska facility from 11 p.m. 1.00
02:16:08.000 to 5 a.m.
02:16:09.000 5 to 6 days a week.
02:16:11.000 Good kids.
02:16:12.000 From December 2021 to April 2022, clean machines used to cut meat.
02:16:17.000 Wow.
02:16:19.000 At one point, the child fell asleep in class and also missed class after suffering injuries as a result of chemical burns. 1.00
02:16:25.000 Fuck school. 0.99
02:16:26.000 Several other children were also reported to have suffered from chemical burns. 1.00
02:16:28.000 Holy fuck, man. 1.00
02:16:30.000 Good for them. 1.00
02:16:31.000 Yeah.
02:16:31.000 Tough kid.
02:16:32.000 1.5 million in civil penalties.
02:16:34.000 It's funny, if there's different guests on here right now, they give us a lot more weight.
02:16:38.000 Look at this stuff.
02:16:39.000 Look at this.
02:16:39.000 Go back up.
02:16:40.000 Scroll.
02:16:41.000 Look at this.
02:16:42.000 The Department of Labor assessed them.
02:16:44.000 $15,000 for each minor-aged employee.
02:16:47.000 That's it.
02:16:48.000 $15,000.
02:16:49.000 It's worth it.
02:16:49.000 A year?
02:16:50.000 So according to the news release, the PSSI had paid 1.5 million civil money penalties.
02:16:56.000 In the Palestine thing, I think they sent like 25 grand and they're like, here you go.
02:17:00.000 Wait, do you know what 1.5 million is?
02:17:01.000 It means 20 cases of it.
02:17:03.000 It means you've only been fined 20 times.
02:17:05.000 How do you like that?
02:17:06.000 Good math.
02:17:07.000 Yeah.
02:17:07.000 Once you put the dollar sign, I can do the math.
02:17:09.000 There you go.
02:17:11.000 America!
02:17:12.000 You're up, Eddie.
02:17:13.000 Jameson, you're up.
02:17:14.000 You're that guy, man. 1.00
02:17:14.000 You're that guy who wants everybody to be as fucked up as you. 1.00
02:17:17.000 I'm sober as a bird. 1.00
02:17:19.000 Come on, come on, come on. 0.97
02:17:20.000 Get in there.
02:17:20.000 I'm sober as a bird.
02:17:21.000 Come here.
02:17:22.000 Go birds.
02:17:24.000 This is the most sober I've been on one of these.
02:17:28.000 There you go, J-Mo! 0.94
02:17:29.000 I mean, this guy's a beast!
02:17:31.000 Wow!
02:17:32.000 This might be a sloppy...
02:17:33.000 Like, you're gonna be talking, camera's gonna be on me.
02:17:36.000 He's gonna be a mess.
02:17:37.000 It's a mess.
02:17:39.000 JB's over there spinning, dizzy.
02:17:41.000 Hell yeah.
02:17:42.000 Are we doing the gravity bomb?
02:17:44.000 Who's doing the gravity bone?
02:17:45.000 Right at the very end.
02:17:46.000 We're gonna be done.
02:17:47.000 Don't bring that out. 1.00
02:17:48.000 It's stupid. 1.00
02:17:48.000 It's like Gomez. 1.00
02:17:49.000 It's done.
02:17:49.000 Just go pee.
02:17:50.000 You can't stand up.
02:17:50.000 It'll ruin the show.
02:17:51.000 Don't bring up the gravity.
02:17:52.000 Look at him.
02:17:52.000 He can barely stand up.
02:17:53.000 See him standing up with his little pigeon-toed. 0.99
02:17:55.000 Don't fucking hate him. 1.00
02:17:56.000 Squeezing his giant balls and dick together between his legs. 1.00
02:17:59.000 God damn. 1.00
02:18:00.000 You've seen it obviously a thousand times. 1.00
02:18:02.000 It's a wild package. 0.94
02:18:03.000 He's got a giant hog. 1.00
02:18:04.000 Talk about how nice your dick is. 1.00
02:18:05.000 He's got a giant hog. 1.00
02:18:06.000 He's got a giant hog.
02:18:07.000 He's big.
02:18:08.000 I wouldn't say it's nice.
02:18:09.000 It looked like a wizard's wand.
02:18:11.000 It's all crooked.
02:18:13.000 It's got tree bark up.
02:18:15.000 Tree bark!
02:18:16.000 Little knots in it.
02:18:18.000 It's got knots. 1.00
02:18:20.000 God damn. 0.99
02:18:21.000 There's a little gnome in there. 1.00
02:18:22.000 A wizard's wand.
02:18:23.000 That thing was... 0.98
02:18:24.000 Fucked up. 0.99
02:18:25.000 I saw it like two hours ago. 0.99
02:18:27.000 Yeah.
02:18:28.000 Yeah, he'll show it to you anytime you want.
02:18:29.000 It's a real bag of tricks.
02:18:29.000 He used to pull it out on stage.
02:18:31.000 Yeah, he did.
02:18:31.000 I would.
02:18:32.000 Yeah. 0.99
02:18:33.000 If I had a Don, dude, I've got a little fucking nub sticking out. 0.99
02:18:37.000 Same. 0.98
02:18:37.000 I'm not showing anyone that thing, especially in high-pressure situations. 0.98
02:18:41.000 Oh, the worst. 1.00
02:18:42.000 I had a girl one time, or an old lady I fucked, and she was like, I was taking my belt on, and she goes, you better not have a small dick. 1.00
02:18:49.000 And I'm like, Jesus, where do we go from here? 1.00
02:18:52.000 I mean, I got what I got. 1.00
02:18:53.000 Old ladies are nice to have sex with. 1.00
02:18:55.000 Ah, she was a squirter. 1.00
02:18:56.000 Ew.
02:18:57.000 Yeah.
02:18:59.000 Old lady who's incontinent. 1.00
02:19:00.000 Old lady squirter is terrible. 1.00
02:19:02.000 Yeah, just metapistle and prune juice coming at me.
02:19:05.000 Every asparagus she's ever eaten in her life is in that place.
02:19:09.000 I felt like I was on duty.
02:19:11.000 She's like, I have eight kids, four grandkids.
02:19:14.000 You gotta please me.
02:19:16.000 Four grandkids.
02:19:18.000 She was Puerto Rican.
02:19:20.000 She was like 19. Who was this lady, dude? 1.00
02:19:27.000 Some gal I met back in the old days.
02:19:31.000 She had grandchildren.
02:19:33.000 You missed it, Ari.
02:19:36.000 She said she had grandchildren and he has to please her.
02:19:39.000 Yeah, that was wild. 1.00
02:19:40.000 She said, you better not have a small dick, and then she pissed all over him. 1.00
02:19:43.000 I was like 25. I went to work. 1.00
02:19:45.000 I clocked in.
02:19:46.000 I had a hard hat on.
02:19:48.000 Wow.
02:19:49.000 Oh, my God.
02:19:50.000 But I mean, my sheets were ruined.
02:19:52.000 And I was poor, lived in an Ikea bed.
02:19:55.000 How much did she squirt? 1.00
02:19:56.000 Oh my god, it was wild.
02:19:58.000 We had to sleep in the corner of the bed after because it was just so ruined. 0.82
02:20:01.000 Squirters are nuts. 1.00
02:20:02.000 And it was cold in my room. 1.00
02:20:04.000 I fucked a squirter once, I pulled her jeans around her ankles, and she's like, no, no, I gotta walk home from here! 1.00
02:20:08.000 You gotta take them all the way off! 1.00
02:20:10.000 I like a squirt.
02:20:13.000 It shows you did some stuff.
02:20:14.000 I like when they don't tell you.
02:20:16.000 Even better.
02:20:18.000 When they lie and say this has never happened before.
02:20:20.000 Nothing better than that rooster tail coming at you.
02:20:22.000 How much of it is piss?
02:20:24.000 That's zero.
02:20:25.000 Ah, 10%.
02:20:25.000 Zero?
02:20:27.000 Zero.
02:20:28.000 No, I think it's a lot.
02:20:29.000 I think it's a bunch.
02:20:30.000 I think it's most of it.
02:20:31.000 I think everything that's not pissed is just residue.
02:20:34.000 Either way, I'll take it.
02:20:36.000 Sam Tripoli's joke goes, you ever been pissed on by a man?
02:20:38.000 She's like, no.
02:20:39.000 To some girl in the crowd goes, you ever shower with a man? 0.99
02:20:41.000 Then you've been pissed off.
02:20:43.000 Oh, that's funny.
02:20:45.000 I'm a big shower whiz guy.
02:20:47.000 Shower whiz. 0.99
02:20:47.000 Yeah, I think everybody is. 0.99
02:20:48.000 Yeah, who doesn't pee in the shower?
02:20:49.000 I think it's just made for it.
02:20:52.000 Yeah.
02:20:52.000 It happens every single time.
02:20:54.000 You think women do it? 1.00
02:20:55.000 100%.
02:20:56.000 You got it.
02:20:57.000 They get to pee standing up for the first time.
02:20:59.000 Why wouldn't they?
02:21:00.000 They're showering, water's flowing, you gotta pee, let it go.
02:21:03.000 It's pretty hot.
02:21:04.000 It's just water.
02:21:05.000 It's pretty hot, I like to think about it.
02:21:07.000 Yeah. 1.00
02:21:08.000 My ex loved to shower fuck. 1.00
02:21:10.000 Really? 1.00
02:21:11.000 Which I didn't love.
02:21:12.000 It's uncomfortable.
02:21:13.000 It's awkward.
02:21:13.000 It's not the right positions.
02:21:14.000 It's dangerous.
02:21:15.000 The water causes chafing.
02:21:18.000 A little chafe.
02:21:19.000 Juices you need.
02:21:20.000 Love a good juice.
02:21:22.000 Love a juice.
02:21:23.000 You're gonna need some juices down there.
02:21:25.000 The juice is loose. 0.99
02:21:26.000 People practice fucking everywhere. 1.00
02:21:27.000 Try it everywhere. 1.00
02:21:28.000 I fucked in the ocean once. 0.99
02:21:30.000 That doesn't work. 1.00
02:21:31.000 Salt water gets in the lady's fucking pussy. 1.00
02:21:34.000 Salt water gets in your dick hole? 1.00
02:21:36.000 Did you get salt water in your dick hole? 1.00
02:21:38.000 Beach is the worst. 1.00
02:21:39.000 We thought we were slick.
02:21:41.000 It was very obvious.
02:21:42.000 Yeah, I've done that.
02:21:43.000 It's just being ladies out there like... 1.00
02:21:45.000 You try to have a conversation.
02:21:47.000 You try to fake it. 1.00
02:21:48.000 We're not fucking here. 0.99
02:21:49.000 Hey, look at the sun. 0.97
02:21:50.000 It's so beautiful.
02:21:51.000 I'm so glad we're here.
02:21:53.000 How about that Fauci?
02:21:54.000 You gotta fake it.
02:21:56.000 Yeah, it's not good.
02:21:57.000 Have you ever seen Gavin's video a long time ago about how to pee in public?
02:22:00.000 Rosdale?
02:22:01.000 No, and he was like, it was like showing you how to pee in public.
02:22:03.000 It was so funny.
02:22:04.000 And he's like, you gotta pretend like you're art.
02:22:06.000 He's like, I said sell at 45! 1.00
02:22:08.000 And his dick's out. 1.00
02:22:09.000 He's like, you don't sell at 50, you sell at 45! 1.00
02:22:11.000 And he's just pissing.
02:22:12.000 It's all these different ways.
02:22:13.000 Yeah, newspaper rolled up.
02:22:14.000 I thought it was a newspaper.
02:22:15.000 Newspaper rolled up through the newspaper.
02:22:17.000 Great diversions.
02:22:18.000 That was a funny video.
02:22:20.000 There's so many guys pissing the streets in cities.
02:22:22.000 I've got to find a place to piss.
02:22:25.000 I think I pissed last night in the city.
02:22:26.000 Where'd you go?
02:22:27.000 Just wherever.
02:22:28.000 So many alleys in Austin.
02:22:30.000 New York, you've got to find a place where it's like no one's on the street, no one's behind me.
02:22:33.000 I've got like two minutes.
02:22:34.000 And once you commit, you're like, look, I'm peeing.
02:22:36.000 Yeah, you can't pinch it.
02:22:37.000 Somebody finds you like, sorry, I'm pissing in public.
02:22:40.000 Yeah, they're gonna look down on me.
02:22:41.000 Do you know that in some places, if you get caught pissing in public, if you're like close to a school, they say you're a sex offender, and they can write you up as someone who's exposing himself?
02:22:50.000 What?
02:22:50.000 I've heard of this.
02:22:51.000 I know a guy who got in trouble because he went outside of a pool hall to take a piss, and it was like really close to a school.
02:22:59.000 I'll tell you what. 0.99
02:22:59.000 And he got arrested and they fucked with him. 0.99
02:23:01.000 If I was a sex offender, I'd be like, I was just pissing. 0.99
02:23:04.000 I was just pissing.
02:23:06.000 Well, I think he actually was just taking a piss, though. 1.00
02:23:09.000 You had your dick out. 1.00
02:23:10.000 Are you sure? 1.00
02:23:10.000 I was just taking a piss. 1.00
02:23:11.000 I'm not sure. 0.88
02:23:11.000 If I was a sex offender, I'd go, I was taking a piss. 0.88
02:23:14.000 These motherfuckers. 1.00
02:23:15.000 I feel like if that's something you do, you do it more than just once. 1.00
02:23:17.000 You said I was whacking off at the playground?
02:23:18.000 I wasn't doing that. 1.00
02:23:19.000 When you're 34, you just decide to go show everybody your dick. 1.00
02:23:22.000 We got a friend who got in trouble fucking in a car to school. 1.00
02:23:25.000 The Texas Penal Code's got an interesting wording. 0.98
02:23:27.000 Okay.
02:23:29.000 Someone commits disorderly conduct when he or she exposes his anus or genitals in a public place and is reckless about whether another person may be present who will be offended or alarmed by his act.
02:23:43.000 I knew you would be alarmed or offended.
02:23:45.000 Notice how they say his act. 1.00
02:23:46.000 They say genitals but they don't say vagina or an asshole of a girl. 1.00
02:23:50.000 His act. 1.00
02:23:51.000 It says his act.
02:23:52.000 They know what they're doing. 1.00
02:23:53.000 Also they know no one's gonna be offended by a nice Fat pussy at the playground. 1.00
02:23:58.000 Nice fat pussy pissing all over the place. 1.00
02:24:01.000 Pissing on a sea. 1.00
02:24:02.000 Disgusting pussy while I was a child. 1.00
02:24:05.000 You squirting on a seesaw. 1.00
02:24:09.000 Oh, that's hot.
02:24:09.000 Dude, it was so great.
02:24:10.000 Fucking Weinstein talking to everybody about fucking science shit and then Shane and me and Egot and Tony are just sending each other disgusting pictures over airdrop. 1.00
02:24:18.000 I was so jealous. 1.00
02:24:19.000 I was like, I want to be over there.
02:24:20.000 Oh, it's so funny.
02:24:22.000 Well, my scene sat down on the floor.
02:24:23.000 He just doesn't know how to hang.
02:24:25.000 When he sat down on the floor like a mermaid.
02:24:28.000 I was like, I was drinking. 1.00
02:24:30.000 I was like, God damn. 0.99
02:24:32.000 The thing about comics is, like, if something is funny, we're going to concentrate on that. 0.99
02:24:37.000 And like, he kept trying to like bring up this point and like, no, no, no.
02:24:41.000 I can't forget about the fact the way you're sitting.
02:24:44.000 You can see Rogan trying to focus on him, but he's like looking at us laughing.
02:24:48.000 He's like, I want to be there.
02:24:49.000 Jamie, could you bring up the mermaid sculpture in Denmark?
02:24:55.000 Do you think it's the same way?
02:24:56.000 I know it's the same way.
02:24:58.000 Once I went to piss and I came back and he was still doing it, I was like, you gotta let it go.
02:25:02.000 These guys are not listening anymore.
02:25:03.000 So Adam went to take a piss and...
02:25:06.000 Yep.
02:25:07.000 That's exactly the pose.
02:25:08.000 That is exactly the pose.
02:25:10.000 He was in.
02:25:11.000 That's him. 0.84
02:25:11.000 But fatter and Jewier. 0.84
02:25:13.000 He was doing that and I was sitting there going...
02:25:15.000 It's fun getting smart guys drunk.
02:25:17.000 Yeah.
02:25:18.000 Really smart guys to get drunk.
02:25:19.000 Right.
02:25:20.000 He was having fun.
02:25:21.000 Have a good time.
02:25:22.000 He was having fun.
02:25:22.000 He went off.
02:25:23.000 The fibonacci sequence is not what it's cracked up to be.
02:25:27.000 The Hadron Collider laughing hard at the show.
02:25:30.000 He was having fun.
02:25:31.000 Those guys never loose on that level.
02:25:33.000 Never.
02:25:34.000 I'm excited to do stand-up tonight.
02:25:36.000 Oh, I forgot.
02:25:38.000 It's going to be fun.
02:25:39.000 That's going to be fun.
02:25:41.000 Mark, do one more bong and then we'll stop.
02:25:42.000 Last night was amazing.
02:25:44.000 Hold on, let me get this whiskey down first. 0.83
02:25:46.000 So exciting. 0.99
02:25:48.000 Last night was fucking sick. 1.00
02:25:50.000 Yeah, it's ridiculous. 1.00
02:25:51.000 You missed the ending. 0.96
02:25:52.000 Probably better you left. 1.00
02:25:53.000 You stopped doing the fucking Q&As. 1.00
02:25:57.000 I liked those. 1.00
02:25:58.000 I do those sometimes.
02:25:59.000 I still do them sometimes.
02:26:01.000 I love a Q&A. But that was a long-ass show.
02:26:03.000 By the time I got on the stage, I was five people in.
02:26:05.000 That's wild.
02:26:06.000 You let an hour and a half go, a full show go before you get on.
02:26:09.000 I've done two hours before.
02:26:11.000 I don't go on stage until two hours into the show.
02:26:13.000 Yikes.
02:26:13.000 Yeah, but we're just trying to do something out here.
02:26:15.000 Trying to have some fun.
02:26:16.000 The crowds are awesome.
02:26:17.000 They're having a good time.
02:26:18.000 That was my favorite part of your show, though, because you do the whole show, and then there's a bunch of people that are there to see you that are like, this is Joe Rogan.
02:26:24.000 Then you'd be like, all right, you have any questions?
02:26:26.000 They'd be like, yay! 1.00
02:26:27.000 You'd be like, shut up, dumbass! 1.00
02:26:30.000 You'd see a dude's life just get destroyed. 1.00
02:26:33.000 Oh, yeah.
02:26:34.000 Joe did this when we were touring.
02:26:36.000 Before there was any internet clips or anything like that, he would set up two mics on the aisles.
02:26:41.000 He'd say, come and ask me a question.
02:26:42.000 Never recorded.
02:26:43.000 And it was like, good question, good question.
02:26:45.000 And then he would do exactly that. 1.00
02:26:47.000 You suck. 1.00
02:26:48.000 Fuck you. 1.00
02:26:49.000 Someone's fucking your wife. 1.00
02:26:50.000 And they're like, no. 1.00
02:26:51.000 No!
02:26:52.000 Well, it's when guys get aggressive. 1.00
02:26:54.000 Some guys, they get aggressive and they're like, what are you doing, stupid? 1.00
02:26:57.000 They try to show their knowledge of your life. 1.00
02:27:00.000 You know?
02:27:00.000 Like, you say Terry's is the best book.
02:27:03.000 Shut up. 1.00
02:27:04.000 Shut up, dummy. 1.00
02:27:04.000 That's not a real question. 1.00
02:27:06.000 You got it?
02:27:07.000 Oh, look at him.
02:27:07.000 He did it fast that way.
02:27:08.000 Oh, shit. 0.99
02:27:09.000 Although you're still holding it like there's stuff left in there. 1.00
02:27:11.000 I know.
02:27:11.000 That's how he holds it.
02:27:12.000 I don't trust him.
02:27:14.000 You know who I saw do that the first time?
02:27:16.000 Seinfeld.
02:27:17.000 When I went to see Seinfeld, I was 19 years old.
02:27:19.000 I went to see Seinfeld in Boston.
02:27:20.000 And he did this thing.
02:27:22.000 He did his set.
02:27:23.000 This is like when Seinfeld wasn't really Seinfeld yet.
02:27:25.000 He wasn't like...
02:27:26.000 He was just a really known stand-up comic.
02:27:28.000 Was it 88?
02:27:29.000 Yeah, somewhere around the...
02:27:31.000 No, it was actually earlier than that.
02:27:33.000 Oh, wow!
02:27:33.000 It was because I hadn't done stand-up yet.
02:27:36.000 So it had to be 87. Yeah, it was like, I was probably 19 or 20, and I went, and he did stand-up, and then after he did stand-up, he would ask questions and then go in and, like, it seemed like bits.
02:27:51.000 He had, like, bits on there.
02:27:53.000 It was like he was just riffing.
02:27:54.000 Right.
02:27:55.000 And I was like, this is amazing.
02:27:56.000 This guy's just riffing all these things that people were, like, bringing up about subjects, and I guess that's how it would help him write.
02:28:04.000 Yeah, yeah.
02:28:04.000 You come up with new subjects.
02:28:05.000 I did that with Jew. 0.97
02:28:06.000 I was like, what do you guys always want to know about Jewish people?
02:28:09.000 Right.
02:28:09.000 We used to do that.
02:28:10.000 Ask a Jew at the store. 1.00
02:28:11.000 Ask a Jew in A with bears. 0.97
02:28:12.000 That's good.
02:28:12.000 Yeah.
02:28:13.000 And then eventually I'd be like, okay, this is definitely what non-Jews don't know about us. 0.66
02:28:17.000 This is the bits I got to write.
02:28:18.000 Can we do that now?
02:28:19.000 I got questions.
02:28:20.000 We can do it now.
02:28:21.000 We'll do a stand one night.
02:28:22.000 We'll do a stand one night.
02:28:23.000 What's with the wigs?
02:28:25.000 Loopholes.
02:28:26.000 It's all loopholes.
02:28:27.000 You can't be attracted to another woman's wife, another man's wife, and hair is something they're attracted to. 0.90
02:28:33.000 So the Jewish, intelligent Jewish women are like, what if it's someone else's hair? 1.00
02:28:37.000 What about tits? 1.00
02:28:38.000 They cover those up. 1.00
02:28:40.000 What a bummer. 1.00
02:28:42.000 What about great floppy Jewish tits? 1.00
02:28:44.000 They're so good. 1.00
02:28:44.000 Floppy? 1.00
02:28:45.000 Jew globes are the best globes. 1.00
02:28:47.000 Big Jewish flops. 1.00
02:28:48.000 Globes?
02:28:49.000 You call them globes?
02:28:50.000 Jew globes. 1.00
02:28:51.000 Jewish ladies do have wonderful tits. 1.00
02:28:53.000 They do. 1.00
02:28:53.000 Underrated. 1.00
02:28:54.000 Part about Judaism. 0.94
02:28:55.000 Really? 1.00
02:28:55.000 Great tits on Joe Brods. 1.00
02:28:57.000 It was tits. 1.00
02:28:57.000 Yeah. 1.00
02:28:58.000 You know what else?
02:28:59.000 I like the nose.
02:29:00.000 You like that?
02:29:01.000 I love the honker.
02:29:02.000 I like a big nose on a lady. 1.00
02:29:03.000 Give me a schnaz. 0.67
02:29:04.000 Why do you like a big nose on a lady? 1.00
02:29:05.000 I don't know.
02:29:05.000 Something about it.
02:29:06.000 I do too.
02:29:07.000 I like it.
02:29:07.000 Character.
02:29:08.000 Builds character.
02:29:08.000 Robert Streisand was hot.
02:29:10.000 Disgusting. 0.99
02:29:12.000 She was young. 0.99
02:29:13.000 What are you talking about?
02:29:14.000 Pull up a young Barbra Streisand.
02:29:15.000 Pull up a young Barbra Streisand. 0.99
02:29:17.000 Look at this fucking scarecrow you're about to see. 1.00
02:29:19.000 You're not even mine! 1.00
02:29:19.000 She was sexy. 1.00
02:29:21.000 Ari, you're reverting to your act. 0.99
02:29:22.000 She had clear skin and a disgusting face. 1.00
02:29:25.000 Is this your bit? 0.99
02:29:26.000 No.
02:29:27.000 Natalie, before she was hot. 0.60
02:29:28.000 I've thought about her.
02:29:28.000 She's a hebe.
02:29:30.000 Scarlett Johansson's a hebe. 1.00
02:29:31.000 Oh, she was hot. 1.00
02:29:33.000 Go left one. 0.89
02:29:34.000 Go left one. 0.89
02:29:34.000 Beautiful eyes. 0.89
02:29:35.000 She was hot, dude. 1.00
02:29:37.000 Shut up. 1.00
02:29:38.000 Shut up. 1.00
02:29:39.000 Your makeup. 1.00
02:29:39.000 That's it. 1.00
02:29:40.000 You don't think she was hot? 1.00
02:29:41.000 You're out of your fucking mind. 1.00
02:29:42.000 She's cross-eyed. 1.00
02:29:43.000 She's inbred. 0.97
02:29:44.000 I like that.
02:29:45.000 I dated a girl who had a wonky eye. 0.99
02:29:47.000 I was attracted to wonky eyes for years.
02:29:48.000 Yeah. 1.00
02:29:49.000 Same girl told me to leave the fucking white snake tape behind. 1.00
02:29:53.000 It's hot. 1.00
02:29:53.000 They look like aliens. 1.00
02:29:55.000 She's got J-Mo back there. 0.99
02:29:55.000 She's hot, dude. 0.99
02:29:56.000 King of the wonk eyes.
02:29:57.000 J-Mo the wonk.
02:29:59.000 You don't think she's hot? 1.00
02:30:00.000 No.
02:30:01.000 She's so hot. 0.97
02:30:02.000 What are you guys talking about?
02:30:04.000 Oh, dude, you're out of your mind.
02:30:05.000 Well, she's like 100. You look at her face there!
02:30:07.000 She's an old lady. 1.00
02:30:09.000 That's a hot lady. 1.00
02:30:10.000 She's hot, dude. 1.00
02:30:12.000 What about Sarah Jessica Parker Young?
02:30:14.000 Look at her eyes.
02:30:14.000 Look how close her eyes are.
02:30:15.000 Ari, stop. 0.99
02:30:16.000 Ari, stop. 0.99
02:30:17.000 Ari, stop. 0.99
02:30:18.000 Look at her eyes.
02:30:19.000 You're doing this again.
02:30:20.000 You keep doing this.
02:30:21.000 Look at her eyes.
02:30:21.000 These are your people.
02:30:23.000 Why don't you love your people?
02:30:24.000 You do this a lot.
02:30:25.000 You pretend to- She's never been hot. 0.99
02:30:28.000 She's so crazy. 0.97
02:30:29.000 Have you saw her tomorrow at the grocery store? 0.90
02:30:32.000 She was hot. 1.00
02:30:33.000 She was hot. 1.00
02:30:34.000 Pull up Sarah Jessica Parker as a youth.
02:30:37.000 God, I love Sarah Jessica Parker.
02:30:38.000 Not too young.
02:30:39.000 I'm talking like eight.
02:30:41.000 Eight, nine.
02:30:42.000 Sarah Jessica Parker.
02:30:42.000 LA Story.
02:30:44.000 That was like the first girl I was obsessed with.
02:30:47.000 Same.
02:30:47.000 I loved her.
02:30:48.000 Big blonde hair.
02:30:49.000 You and me on the same page on this.
02:30:51.000 You got that right.
02:30:51.000 We just loved that show.
02:30:53.000 Sarah Jessica Parker.
02:30:56.000 Is that LA Story?
02:30:56.000 That's not a great photo.
02:30:58.000 Doesn't matter.
02:30:58.000 I liked it.
02:30:59.000 She was just young.
02:31:02.000 No, but she's Jewy. 1.00
02:31:04.000 Horseface. 0.60
02:31:05.000 Family goes right.
02:31:06.000 That's Horseface.
02:31:07.000 No, no.
02:31:08.000 She was big in the 80s. 0.94
02:31:10.000 She was a sexist. 1.00
02:31:10.000 Look at that with the bra. 1.00
02:31:12.000 When did she become... 1.00
02:31:13.000 Look at her tits. 1.00
02:31:14.000 That's great. 1.00
02:31:14.000 That's a cool gal. 1.00
02:31:15.000 That movie I just pulled up came out in 87. She was in that.
02:31:18.000 Damn. 0.99
02:31:19.000 She was in a movie in 87? 1.00
02:31:20.000 Mm-hmm.
02:31:21.000 Wow.
02:31:21.000 When was LA Story?
02:31:22.000 Go with the red pants. 0.90
02:31:24.000 I mean, look, that's a hot woman. 1.00
02:31:26.000 No, zoom in on the face.
02:31:28.000 So hot.
02:31:28.000 Dude, she's hot.
02:31:29.000 How old was she in all these seven?
02:31:32.000 Let's chill.
02:31:32.000 Why don't we find her Sex and the City, Sarah Jessica Parker?
02:31:35.000 Sex and the City was a wild show for ladies, right? 1.00
02:31:38.000 It was great.
02:31:39.000 They loved it. 0.99
02:31:39.000 The first show for ladies that, like, ladies would just go out and get fucking hammered. 0.99
02:31:44.000 Yeah, there's an episode where they fuck a black guy, and she's like, I don't know. 1.00
02:31:48.000 This is crazy. 1.00
02:31:49.000 This is a bad idea.
02:31:51.000 He's gonna steal my purse.
02:31:52.000 It was a whole thing.
02:31:52.000 What?
02:31:53.000 Yeah.
02:31:54.000 Really?
02:31:54.000 It was the 90s.
02:31:55.000 It was the 90s.
02:31:56.000 Wow, that was the 90s, right?
02:31:58.000 Oh yeah.
02:31:59.000 Hotter than Cattrall.
02:32:01.000 No, I liked the other one.
02:32:02.000 Who was the nice one?
02:32:03.000 The brunette was really soft. 1.00
02:32:05.000 The redhead was crazy. 1.00
02:32:07.000 That one lady, Kim Cattrall, she was fucking smoking hot when she was young. 1.00
02:32:12.000 Even in Texas City, she was still pretty fucking hot. 1.00
02:32:14.000 She was pretty hot then. 0.98
02:32:15.000 She was older, but pretty... 1.00
02:32:16.000 Is that Robert Downey Jr.?
02:32:17.000 Yeah, they dated.
02:32:18.000 They were an item.
02:32:20.000 He was a fun-loving drug addict.
02:32:22.000 He loved drugs.
02:32:23.000 I would have loved to hang out with him then.
02:32:25.000 Yeah.
02:32:25.000 Up until about midnight, and then I'd be like, hey, dude, you gotta take off.
02:32:29.000 Yeah, one, two in the morning, you'd be with him.
02:32:30.000 He loved the cocaine.
02:32:32.000 He'd be with him up until he wanted to go uptown.
02:32:34.000 I'd be there.
02:32:36.000 I'd be like, yep.
02:32:38.000 He got arrested at a Radiohead concert, I remember.
02:32:41.000 Did he really?
02:32:42.000 Yeah, I remember being a kid and seeing that headline and being like, alright, that's fine.
02:32:46.000 That dude did real time.
02:32:47.000 Yeah, he did.
02:32:49.000 He did real time for drugs.
02:32:50.000 Yeah.
02:32:51.000 HBO, real time.
02:32:54.000 Well, that was a good show.
02:32:57.000 He had Politically Incorrect, real time, and now...
02:33:01.000 Is it still real time?
02:33:03.000 Yeah, that's...
02:33:04.000 Oh, sorry, okay.
02:33:05.000 That's the show, right?
02:33:06.000 I thought that was the old one.
02:33:07.000 You want coffee?
02:33:08.000 Yeah.
02:33:08.000 Ah, I didn't know we could do that.
02:33:10.000 Some warm liquor.
02:33:10.000 You want some?
02:33:11.000 Don't check your phone, you son of an onion! 0.97
02:33:13.000 Why? 0.99
02:33:14.000 We're on a pod! 1.00
02:33:15.000 Shut up! 1.00
02:33:15.000 What are you doing? 1.00
02:33:16.000 Come on! 0.61
02:33:17.000 Just look at my telephone. 0.99
02:33:18.000 It's Uncle sending him more fucking stories from now. 0.99
02:33:20.000 Yeah, he's telling me... 1.00
02:33:21.000 Charlie! 0.99
02:33:22.000 Tell me about the hookers. 1.00
02:33:24.000 Oh, I can't imagine what the jungle whores were. 1.00
02:33:26.000 Yeah, but what were the hookers when you got to leave? 1.00
02:33:28.000 So you got to go into, like, Saigon? 0.98
02:33:31.000 And I got to go nuts?
02:33:32.000 You got a good Vietnam look.
02:33:34.000 If that hat was green...
02:33:35.000 Yeah, you could be a soldier.
02:33:37.000 Yeah, you look like a good Vietnam guy.
02:33:39.000 Put you in the 60s?
02:33:39.000 I look like Paddington Bear.
02:33:41.000 Oh, Jesus.
02:33:43.000 Berenstein.
02:33:43.000 Berenstein, Berenstein.
02:33:46.000 The Jew Bear! 0.99
02:33:49.000 There's a guy who fights in the UFC, Paul Craig.
02:33:52.000 His nickname is the Bear Jew. 0.63
02:33:54.000 Is he Jew?
02:33:55.000 Awesome.
02:33:55.000 Yeah.
02:33:56.000 Really?
02:33:56.000 I believe so.
02:33:57.000 Not all the Jewish fighters anymore.
02:33:58.000 Paul Craig.
02:34:00.000 Badass submission fighter.
02:34:01.000 Okay.
02:34:03.000 Yeah.
02:34:05.000 Love it.
02:34:05.000 That says Jewish.
02:34:06.000 Where's he live?
02:34:07.000 Where's he from?
02:34:07.000 Scotland.
02:34:08.000 Oh, I love Scotland.
02:34:10.000 Scotland.
02:34:10.000 Where'd you?
02:34:11.000 Scotland.
02:34:12.000 Holy hell.
02:34:12.000 He just lost.
02:34:14.000 Yeah.
02:34:14.000 He just got knocked out by Johnny Walker.
02:34:16.000 Face paint.
02:34:17.000 He was doing all that.
02:34:17.000 Yeah, he's lost.
02:34:18.000 He's won.
02:34:19.000 He's a wicked submission artist, though.
02:34:21.000 Like, one of the best in the world off his back.
02:34:22.000 6'3", 205, just like me after this weekend.
02:34:26.000 A little bit different composition, though.
02:34:27.000 Probably a little different.
02:34:28.000 Yeah.
02:34:29.000 A little different than your buddy.
02:34:30.000 Yeah, whatever.
02:34:31.000 Pointed at 205 is the main thing. 0.99
02:34:33.000 You'd fuck him up in a court of law. 0.99
02:34:34.000 That's right. 1.00
02:34:35.000 That's all that matters.
02:34:37.000 That's why you guys built that.
02:34:38.000 Bringing the barrister.
02:34:39.000 We'll see what he says.
02:34:39.000 What about Cyril Gans going after old Jonesy?
02:34:42.000 Yeah, that's a crazy fight.
02:34:43.000 When is it?
02:34:44.000 I love Jones back.
02:34:45.000 That's March, weekend of March 3rd and 4th.
02:34:47.000 Ooh, baby! 0.96
02:34:49.000 When's the last time Jones fought?
02:34:50.000 He hasn't fought in three years.
02:34:52.000 Whoa! 0.71
02:34:53.000 That's got to be the main storyline.
02:34:55.000 Is he going to be fresh enough?
02:34:57.000 And he's a heavyweight now.
02:34:58.000 He's got those elbows.
02:34:59.000 Moved up to heavyweight, so is he going to be able to compete with the biggest guys?
02:35:02.000 Freak. 0.78
02:35:02.000 He's a monster. 0.78
02:35:03.000 I mean, Jon Jones is also a freak. 0.98
02:35:05.000 Yeah, obviously, but...
02:35:07.000 Who do you got?
02:35:08.000 I'll never bet against Jon Jones.
02:35:10.000 Jon feels like he's in his prime.
02:35:15.000 Jon feels like he's in his prime.
02:35:16.000 Jon's probably still in his prime as well.
02:35:18.000 The Tuivasa fight was...
02:35:19.000 I love Tuivasa.
02:35:22.000 I do too.
02:35:23.000 He's a fun-loving guy.
02:35:24.000 And he was swinging in that fight.
02:35:26.000 He was taking those body kicks the whole time. 0.99
02:35:28.000 It was sad, but he would still fucking... 0.99
02:35:31.000 That gut would jiggle. 0.99
02:35:32.000 Jon Jones minus 150. I'm going zero gun.
02:35:35.000 I'm going zero gun.
02:35:36.000 Well, it's the first time that he's ever fought a heavyweight.
02:35:39.000 No, no, he's not.
02:35:40.000 What do you mean?
02:35:41.000 It's not true.
02:35:42.000 What do you mean?
02:35:42.000 He's fought a heavyweight before.
02:35:44.000 When?
02:35:44.000 Jon Jones?
02:35:45.000 Yeah.
02:35:45.000 He went up to heavyweight one time.
02:35:46.000 No, no, he's never gone to heavyweight.
02:35:47.000 Are you thinking light heavyweight?
02:35:49.000 He's a light heavyweight.
02:35:49.000 Like Cormier.
02:35:50.000 Trust me, I'm a professional.
02:35:53.000 He was there in all of them.
02:35:54.000 Yeah, he's never fought heavyweight.
02:35:56.000 Oh, Anderson said one up to light heavyweight for one fight.
02:35:58.000 There you go.
02:35:59.000 Yeah, a couple fights.
02:36:00.000 I heard Stipe's coming back.
02:36:02.000 Yeah, yeah, they're trying to, well, I think probably what they'll probably try to do is the winner of Jon Jones and Cyril Ghan will fight Stipe, if that makes sense to me.
02:36:11.000 Why Stipe, he doesn't need to do it still.
02:36:13.000 I'm worried about that guy.
02:36:14.000 He wants to win, he wants to beat Jones.
02:36:15.000 Still wants to do it.
02:36:16.000 He wants to beat Jon Jones?
02:36:18.000 Yeah.
02:36:18.000 The Jones is too technical.
02:36:20.000 Why wouldn't he want that?
02:36:21.000 Stipe's great, but...
02:36:22.000 Well, Stipe is also, like, one of the greatest heavyweights of all time.
02:36:26.000 Look at his accomplishments, his record, defended the heavyweight title more than anybody, beaten all these legends.
02:36:32.000 Heavyweight's the hardest title to defend.
02:36:34.000 He lives in Ohio. 1.00
02:36:35.000 Cleveland in the fucking house. 1.00
02:36:37.000 Yeah, you know who was the man was fucking Cheeto Vera. 1.00
02:36:40.000 That guy's tough. 0.98
02:36:42.000 Remember that dinner?
02:36:43.000 I know.
02:36:44.000 Cheeto's the man.
02:36:44.000 We had a good time.
02:36:45.000 That dinner was so fun.
02:36:46.000 That was fun.
02:36:47.000 Oh yeah, for hours.
02:36:49.000 Till like 3 o'clock in the morning. 0.99
02:36:50.000 We went and got dinner after a show and it was us and Cheeto just eating fucking steak. 0.99
02:36:54.000 Yeah. 0.99
02:36:55.000 Cheeto was saying the funniest.
02:36:57.000 He's fun.
02:36:57.000 Talking about why he trains.
02:36:58.000 He's like, if I see a beautiful woman, I just have to run.
02:37:01.000 Whoa.
02:37:02.000 Wow.
02:37:04.000 He's like, that's why I'm going to be the best ever. 0.99
02:37:06.000 I was sitting there like, fucked up, like, yeah, definitely. 0.99
02:37:08.000 He's so disciplined. 0.99
02:37:10.000 He was awesome. 0.99
02:37:11.000 That's why I see a beautiful woman, I'm like, ah, I suck. 1.00
02:37:13.000 He's like, I see women, I want to fuck them. 1.00
02:37:14.000 I say, no, no, no, I got to train. 1.00
02:37:16.000 Ah, good for him. 1.00
02:37:17.000 Damn. 0.99
02:37:18.000 He's fighting in San Antonio at the end of March. 0.99
02:37:20.000 Really?
02:37:21.000 Yeah.
02:37:22.000 Yeah, if you guys are in town, we should all go. 0.99
02:37:23.000 Weren't they trying to put that in the fucking... 0.99
02:37:25.000 They were putting Cheeto in... 0.99
02:37:27.000 Wasn't it supposed to be in the Apex or whatever it's called?
02:37:30.000 Yeah.
02:37:30.000 And they're like, why?
02:37:31.000 Yeah, Corey Sanhagen.
02:37:32.000 It's a great fight. 1.00
02:37:33.000 And Sanhagen's a fucking monster. 1.00
02:37:34.000 Oh my god, it's a great fight. 1.00
02:37:35.000 It's a great fight. 0.98
02:37:36.000 Those guys are both assassins.
02:37:37.000 The top of the game.
02:37:39.000 There you go.
02:37:40.000 In their, um...
02:37:41.000 What's he fighting?
02:37:43.000 Hey, there he is.
02:37:43.000 What's the date?
02:37:44.000 March 25th.
02:37:45.000 Cheeto.
02:37:45.000 Bella.
02:37:46.000 That guy's scary. 1.00
02:37:47.000 Let's fucking go. 1.00
02:37:48.000 The club will be open. 1.00
02:37:49.000 Let's go.
02:37:50.000 Where's it here?
02:37:50.000 San Antonio.
02:37:51.000 Yeah, let's get a sprinter van.
02:37:53.000 135. Let's fucking go. 0.99
02:37:56.000 Sanhagen's the fucking man. 1.00
02:37:57.000 Let's go. 1.00
02:37:58.000 Let's sit in the front row.
02:37:59.000 I need some US. I need Cheeto.
02:38:01.000 Let's fucking go. 1.00
02:38:02.000 Cheeto's the fucking man. 1.00
02:38:03.000 Wait, where's Cheeto from? 1.00
02:38:04.000 Yeah, he's scary.
02:38:04.000 Let's go Venezuela, Colombia.
02:38:07.000 Ecuador.
02:38:07.000 Ecuador.
02:38:07.000 Yeah, I saw that flag.
02:38:08.000 That's Ecuador, right?
02:38:09.000 Yeah.
02:38:09.000 Oh, I'm rooting for him.
02:38:10.000 He's the man. 1.00
02:38:11.000 Yeah, you root for everybody outside of America, you piece of shit. 1.00
02:38:13.000 I lived there for fucking six months. 1.00
02:38:15.000 It's my clan. 0.99
02:38:16.000 You know where else you lived?
02:38:16.000 I haven't lived there for 46 years.
02:38:18.000 USA, dude.
02:38:19.000 You don't even deserve that bong. 0.98
02:38:20.000 Give me that.
02:38:21.000 Fair.
02:38:21.000 This is for the US. How dare you, coward.
02:38:24.000 There you go. 1.00
02:38:24.000 God bless. 1.00
02:38:25.000 I mean, I'm definitely cheering for Cheeto.
02:38:27.000 But not because of his nationality. 1.00
02:38:29.000 Fuck you. 1.00
02:38:30.000 Because I hung out with him once. 1.00
02:38:32.000 It's a great fight.
02:38:33.000 Technically, it's a great fight.
02:38:34.000 Do fighters talk about other fighters like we talk about comics?
02:38:37.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, for sure.
02:38:38.000 You know what else they do?
02:38:39.000 They're all very, to me, the brief understanding I've had is they're very, like, nah, I like them.
02:38:46.000 Yeah.
02:38:46.000 Like, people you'd think would hate each other.
02:38:48.000 They're like, nah, he's a fighter.
02:38:50.000 I respect it.
02:38:51.000 And they watch each other?
02:38:52.000 Yeah, they definitely watch each other.
02:38:53.000 Yeah.
02:38:54.000 You know, you can tell the guys who are, like, real, because they'll recognize what a guy's good at and not good at, and they'll talk about it honestly.
02:39:01.000 And then you can tell guys are kind of, like, a little bit in denial, kind of haters.
02:39:05.000 Yeah. 1.00
02:39:05.000 You know, they're like, he ain't shit. 1.00
02:39:07.000 He ain't shit. 1.00
02:39:07.000 He can't say he's not shit. 1.00
02:39:09.000 He won seven straight fights. 1.00
02:39:11.000 He's not shit. 0.98
02:39:11.000 There's a lot of guys that'll do that. 0.98
02:39:13.000 They'll form that narrative in their head.
02:39:16.000 I get him. 1.00
02:39:16.000 He ain't shit. 1.00
02:39:17.000 I'll fuck him up. 1.00
02:39:18.000 I'll do this. 1.00
02:39:18.000 I'll do that. 1.00
02:39:19.000 You know what bothers me is when there's a guy that's like hot and then dudes in the back when they're doing interviews and shit are like, I'll fuck you up. 0.99
02:39:26.000 And the guy who's famous is just like, I know what you're doing. 0.99
02:39:30.000 Right.
02:39:31.000 Yeah.
02:39:32.000 You imagine if that's how it was in comedy?
02:39:33.000 They used to do this in the UFC where they interview somebody, like, what do you think about this fight?
02:39:37.000 And they tell the next person, well, this guy said this, as they're doing their interview.
02:39:41.000 They did it with Anderson Silva.
02:39:42.000 I forget who it was he was fighting. 0.90
02:39:43.000 And he said he's going to take you down and punch you in the face until you submit.
02:39:47.000 And Anderson Silva, so confident, he's just like, that's a great tactic. 0.88
02:39:51.000 I mean, you'd win if you did that.
02:39:52.000 That's a great plan.
02:39:54.000 Conor was the most vicious.
02:39:55.000 People would be like, he was like, ah, I'm going to fight you. 1.00
02:39:58.000 He's like, Who the fuck is that guy? 0.99
02:40:00.000 That was the funniest thing. 1.00
02:40:01.000 He's like, I chose you.
02:40:03.000 And your wife was like, break out the red panties. 1.00
02:40:07.000 We done it, baby.
02:40:08.000 We're rich.
02:40:09.000 Connor chose us.
02:40:11.000 Whoa.
02:40:12.000 That's mean. 1.00
02:40:13.000 Yeah, he did something where he flipped a fucking game on its head. 0.99
02:40:18.000 If I choose to fight you, you'll make a lot of money. 0.99
02:40:19.000 This is Jeremy Stevens.
02:40:20.000 Right here.
02:40:21.000 Right here.
02:40:22.000 The hardest hit in 145 pounds.
02:40:24.000 The real hardest hit in 145. Right here.
02:40:27.000 This guy TKO's people. 0.99
02:40:28.000 When I knock people out, they don't fucking move. 1.00
02:40:32.000 Who the fuck is that guy? 1.00
02:40:37.000 Can't break out the red panties. 1.00
02:40:40.000 He thought he was gonna be so cool.
02:40:43.000 Jeremy Stephens thought he had it.
02:40:48.000 He did.
02:40:58.000 He can talk.
02:41:00.000 Yeah, he can.
02:41:01.000 Nate got him.
02:41:01.000 Nate got him.
02:41:02.000 That was so funny.
02:41:02.000 He thought he'd be like, I'll get over it.
02:41:05.000 Nate got him.
02:41:05.000 Are you kidding me?
02:41:06.000 I don't know.
02:41:06.000 The gazelle thing is rough.
02:41:08.000 It's so funny. 0.99
02:41:09.000 Yeah, but the thing about Nate is like, you can't shit talk with him. 1.00
02:41:12.000 He'll just shit talk back. 0.99
02:41:13.000 You're not going to hurt his feelings. 0.99
02:41:15.000 No.
02:41:15.000 This doesn't work.
02:41:16.000 He's apologizing to Khabib. 1.00
02:41:18.000 He's like, oh, it's just business.
02:41:21.000 But no, Nate versus Conor.
02:41:22.000 Conor is doing it. 1.00
02:41:23.000 Obviously Conor's the fucking man. 1.00
02:41:25.000 But it's like, it's a show. 1.00
02:41:27.000 It's a show.
02:41:28.000 He's doing it.
02:41:28.000 He knows what he's doing.
02:41:29.000 He's promoting the fight.
02:41:30.000 He's doing all this.
02:41:31.000 Nate's just there like... 0.99
02:41:33.000 I don't give a fuck. 0.99
02:41:34.000 This is me. 1.00
02:41:35.000 When you sign to fight me, it's a celebration.
02:41:37.000 You ring back home.
02:41:39.000 You ring your wife.
02:41:40.000 Baby, we done it.
02:41:41.000 We're rich, baby.
02:41:42.000 Conor McGregor made us rich.
02:41:44.000 Break out the red panties. 0.99
02:41:46.000 We're rich, baby. 0.99
02:41:47.000 So don't say you would not take that fight because you would take that fight like everyone else up here would take the fight against me if it was offered, regardless of belts or any of that shit. 1.00
02:41:55.000 I'm the money fighting the male shit at all weight division, so fuck everybody else up here. 0.99
02:41:59.000 I cannot... 1.00
02:42:02.000 He's right.
02:42:04.000 I've made such a big thing of myself that anyone who fights with me is instantly rich.
02:42:10.000 He was trying to hit Nate with that.
02:42:13.000 And Nate was like, no, I've been doing this.
02:42:16.000 Yeah, Nate's like, I already got my own one bedroom apartment.
02:42:18.000 I'm good. 0.99
02:42:19.000 Nate doesn't give a fuck. 0.99
02:42:20.000 He's like, I'm fine. 0.99
02:42:21.000 You know how in and out I can afford already?
02:42:24.000 He's like, I have Call of Duty. 0.99
02:42:26.000 I have a 32-inch fucking flat screen. 0.99
02:42:29.000 I got a refrigerator filled with white claws. 1.00
02:42:33.000 I'm gonna fuck you up, dude. 1.00
02:42:36.000 I know, I say it every time I'm at this table. 0.99
02:42:38.000 My favorite line was this, like, they're like, how do you think the fight's gonna go?
02:42:42.000 And Conor's like, I'll probably knock him out in the first round.
02:42:44.000 Nate's just like, he better.
02:42:46.000 He better is good.
02:42:49.000 Take a coffee break, Nate.
02:42:52.000 And by coffee break, I mean bring me my coffee.
02:42:54.000 No!
02:42:55.000 They want you to give us a quick count to ten, both of you, gentlemen.
02:42:58.000 This is a good one.
02:42:59.000 Can't play it.
02:43:01.000 He can't.
02:43:01.000 Nate can only count to five.
02:43:07.000 Count to five, Nate, will you, if you can?
02:43:10.000 I ain't counting.
02:43:12.000 How about that?
02:43:13.000 So we're going to talk about money and business.
02:43:15.000 Connor, let me ask you first.
02:43:17.000 There's word that you could make 10 million dollars on this thing.
02:43:20.000 Is that accurate?
02:43:21.000 On this fight?
02:43:22.000 Yeah.
02:43:23.000 I'm going to breeze past the 10, really, Mark.
02:43:26.000 Breeze past it.
02:43:28.000 How much are you going to make?
02:43:30.000 A hell of a lot more.
02:43:32.000 Steaming right along.
02:43:35.000 I make a lot.
02:43:36.000 A lot more than everybody else.
02:43:38.000 A lot more than his last one, that is.
02:43:41.000 He can thank me for that one.
02:43:43.000 I've made more millionaires in this game than anybody else.
02:43:46.000 Nate, how much of the purse you're going to take home do you owe to Conor McGregor?
02:43:52.000 I don't owe him.
02:43:53.000 He owes me.
02:43:54.000 Anything over 40 grand he owes me because that was his last paycheck.
02:43:57.000 I wipe my for that money.
02:43:59.000 I tip that money.
02:44:01.000 I was gonna get it regardless, sooner or later.
02:44:04.000 It was coming.
02:44:05.000 With or without you.
02:44:06.000 And then the god came and blessed you with it.
02:44:09.000 How about that coffee? 1.00
02:44:12.000 Show the fucking fight. 1.00
02:44:15.000 If you want to get to a net worth of a hundred million dollars, how close are you? 1.00
02:44:20.000 Steaming right along.
02:44:22.000 I'm steaming smoothly, on loop.
02:44:26.000 My contract is a peach.
02:44:29.000 So, I'm doing very well.
02:44:32.000 At the time of this, his net worth was like six mil. 0.99
02:44:34.000 What a bunch of dumb questions. 0.89
02:44:36.000 What are you worth today? 1.00
02:44:37.000 There's people buried in the desert for less than that.
02:44:40.000 I know.
02:44:41.000 This is the best interview.
02:44:45.000 Nate hates this. 0.98
02:44:46.000 He's miserable. 0.96
02:44:47.000 I just want to talk about fighting. 0.99
02:44:49.000 It's like morning radio.
02:44:50.000 He's like, I gotta do this?
02:44:51.000 You know what?
02:44:52.000 You spend my total net worth in five minutes at Starbucks, I'm telling you right now.
02:44:57.000 No, I'm nowhere to go, but I ask the questions, and so I want to know.
02:45:00.000 But Nate, what are your financial goals?
02:45:03.000 How much do you want to be worth, Nate?
02:45:07.000 What kind of money do you want to make?
02:45:09.000 More than everybody.
02:45:11.000 Yeah.
02:45:12.000 What are your financial dreams?
02:45:14.000 What to you means you've made it?
02:45:16.000 A mansion?
02:45:17.000 What a bizarre angle.
02:45:19.000 It's all about money.
02:45:22.000 I don't know.
02:45:23.000 Say it like it is, Nate, will you, bro?
02:45:25.000 Who gives a?
02:45:27.000 Is this the Money Channel?
02:45:29.000 Who the is this?
02:45:31.000 I told you that one.
02:45:33.000 Absolutely did.
02:45:33.000 That's the thing, though.
02:45:34.000 Connor is like, that's funny.
02:45:36.000 We're fighters.
02:45:37.000 I get it.
02:45:37.000 The main thing to succeed in this game is to either be me or fight me.
02:45:42.000 Everything else is peanuts.
02:45:46.000 So ask Nate that.
02:45:47.000 He knows that firsthand.
02:45:49.000 Yeah, I guess.
02:45:50.000 Mission accomplished then, right?
02:45:52.000 I wanted to ask you how you guys can make the UFC as big as the NBA or the NFL. How is that possible?
02:46:00.000 Can it be?
02:46:01.000 Just let me loose.
02:46:02.000 Let me loose on one of them.
02:46:03.000 And we'll see.
02:46:05.000 You know what I mean?
02:46:05.000 Because when it all comes down to it, It's about survival.
02:46:10.000 This, to me, doesn't feel like sport.
02:46:12.000 This feels like something more pure.
02:46:16.000 And Fight 2 was like, if this was war, you'd be dead.
02:46:19.000 We can put us on this station and talk stocks and numbers and all of this, and we can continue to rise.
02:46:26.000 But these other franchises are sports.
02:46:32.000 It's kind of funny. 0.99
02:46:33.000 Every time I get fucked up, I watch this interview. 0.99
02:46:36.000 It's like a nightly tradition. 0.99
02:46:40.000 Nate?
02:46:41.000 Yeah.
02:46:44.000 How do you think this, you can get the UFC, the NBA, or the NFL, or should it even try?
02:46:50.000 I don't even know.
02:46:51.000 I don't even...
02:46:52.000 Next question. 1.00
02:46:53.000 What a dumb fuck. 1.00
02:46:55.000 It's like, I don't own the UFC, you dumb idiot. 1.00
02:46:57.000 Alright, next question. 1.00
02:46:57.000 I only got two more. 1.00
02:46:59.000 He's just like, I'm a fighter.
02:47:00.000 Why do I have to do this?
02:47:02.000 Send me a picture and I'll see what you look like.
02:47:04.000 No, no, no.
02:47:05.000 Okay.
02:47:06.000 No, you don't want to see the picture.
02:47:08.000 Two more questions.
02:47:10.000 This isn't the matchup.
02:47:15.000 So they're not even seeing this lady while they're doing this scenario.
02:47:19.000 He lost his mic.
02:47:20.000 I took it off.
02:47:22.000 He's out.
02:47:23.000 Sorry, one more time?
02:47:24.000 Alright, he's done.
02:47:28.000 Nate's left, Connor.
02:47:29.000 It's just you.
02:47:30.000 So I'm going to ask you a couple questions.
02:47:33.000 This isn't the match people expected. 0.96
02:47:35.000 Damn, that's cooler. 1.00
02:47:37.000 Fuck, that's cooler. 1.00
02:47:38.000 Are you able to build enough anticipation to keep you... 1.00
02:47:42.000 All you gotta do is check the app. 1.00
02:47:43.000 Damn. 1.00
02:47:45.000 Man, that's the cooler way to lead. 1.00
02:47:46.000 Nate didn't give a fuck about that. 0.95
02:47:48.000 But who won the fight? 0.98
02:47:49.000 Well, the best part is him winning. 0.99
02:47:50.000 Nate fucked him up. 0.99
02:47:51.000 Well, there you go. 0.99
02:47:52.000 And I said, Nate Diaz, you shook up the world. 1.00
02:47:54.000 I'm not surprised, motherfucker. 1.00
02:47:56.000 Not surprised, motherfucker. 1.00
02:47:58.000 Yeah. 1.00
02:47:59.000 2-0 in those fights.
02:48:00.000 It was 3-1, right?
02:48:02.000 No, no.
02:48:03.000 It's 1-1 technically.
02:48:04.000 Oh, what do you mean technically?
02:48:06.000 Very technically.
02:48:07.000 That second fight, I've rewatched it as a Nate fan.
02:48:11.000 Yeah.
02:48:12.000 Conor barely won three rounds.
02:48:14.000 Round by round, Conor won.
02:48:16.000 Conor got saved by the bell twice.
02:48:19.000 Saved by the bell twice.
02:48:20.000 And Nate dominated two rounds.
02:48:22.000 It was like he won the fight.
02:48:24.000 Really? 0.99
02:48:25.000 Yeah, the scoring system's fucked up. 1.00
02:48:27.000 Scoring system sucks. 1.00
02:48:28.000 Oh, really? 1.00
02:48:29.000 It's terrible.
02:48:29.000 How about that Volkanovski?
02:48:31.000 Yeah.
02:48:32.000 The scoring system really is designed for boxing.
02:48:35.000 We adopted boxing's 10-point must scoring system.
02:48:38.000 There's too many things involved.
02:48:39.000 When you have boxing, 10-point must system works because it's like two guys, they both are punching each other.
02:48:46.000 So what should it be?
02:48:47.000 It should be a more complex system that takes into account kicks, punches, submission attempts, And I don't think it should be limited to like a 10-9 thing.
02:48:55.000 I think that's a silly way of doing it.
02:48:56.000 I think if someone tried to invent a 10-point must system today for MMA, people would think it's too limited.
02:49:02.000 From scratch?
02:49:03.000 You would want to have a completely different scoring system.
02:49:06.000 I don't want to cut you off because you're an expert and I'm drunk.
02:49:11.000 I felt like the Volkanovski-Islam fight by UFC rules.
02:49:16.000 Islam won that fight?
02:49:17.000 It depends on the second round.
02:49:19.000 The second round gave a slight edge to Volkanovski in the second round.
02:49:23.000 The problem is, so the second round, if you go to the second round, one person scored 10, the other person scored 9. But then you look at the first round.
02:49:32.000 Well, the first round, Islam had its back. 1.00
02:49:34.000 How could that be a 10-9 round?
02:49:36.000 Because he really got a dominant position and he held it for a significant portion of the round. 0.87
02:49:41.000 That's more significant than whatever the fuck happened in the second round. 0.71
02:49:44.000 Because the second round was 10-9 as well. 1.00
02:49:46.000 That's why the 10-point muscle system is fucked. 0.98
02:49:48.000 But if you're looking at two rounds, like, who's up? 0.99
02:49:49.000 You're like, oh, well, one guy's clearly up.
02:49:51.000 It's not tied.
02:49:51.000 Yeah, but it's not the same amount of victory.
02:49:55.000 Like, look at Islam in the fourth round. 1.00
02:49:57.000 Had Alex's back the whole time.
02:49:59.000 Look at Alex in the fifth round.
02:50:00.000 Gets Islam on the ground, pounding on him in the last minute of the fight.
02:50:04.000 The most significant moment of the fight total.
02:50:06.000 How is that 10-9?
02:50:07.000 And then the second round is also 10-9.
02:50:09.000 Did they not do 10-8?
02:50:10.000 They should do it more often, but they don't do it enough.
02:50:14.000 But Volkanovski dropped him in the second round, but then Islam got a takedown but didn't do anything with it, and then Volkanovski got back up, and then Volkanovski got rocked with a punch by Islam.
02:50:24.000 So there was a lot of back and forth.
02:50:26.000 I gave a slight edge of the second round to Volkanovski, but that is the decide of the fight.
02:50:31.000 I watched it three times.
02:50:32.000 This is why I like football better.
02:50:33.000 I've gone over it multiple times.
02:50:34.000 There's a real score.
02:50:35.000 I need a real score.
02:50:36.000 I've gone over it with a fine-tooth comb.
02:50:37.000 The real problem is the scoring system.
02:50:39.000 It's not adequate.
02:50:40.000 Because if you have, again, if you have a 10-9 round like the final round, where Volkanovski clearly won, and then you have a 10-9 round like the second round, how are they both 10-9 rounds?
02:50:50.000 Yeah.
02:50:51.000 That doesn't make any sense.
02:50:52.000 One of them is clearly a lot more dominant in one way, and the other one is like, anybody can decide.
02:50:58.000 Like, if you're an Islam fan, you can say, I think he did enough. 1.00
02:51:01.000 He got the takedown, he landed that one good punch, and landed some other good shots.
02:51:06.000 You could make an argument, but you can't make an argument for the fifth round.
02:51:10.000 The fifth round was clearly Volkanovski.
02:51:12.000 So how are they both 10-9?
02:51:14.000 It doesn't make any sense.
02:51:14.000 While I was watching it, I knew a takedown is so important.
02:51:20.000 And he got them.
02:51:21.000 He got the takedowns, and it was like, alright, well, he's going to win the fourth round.
02:51:25.000 He didn't do any damage, he's just holding them.
02:51:27.000 It's not everything. 1.00
02:51:29.000 It's like takedown means, oh shit, you're about to fuck me up. 0.97
02:51:33.000 But if he doesn't, then it's like, well, that didn't mean that. 0.99
02:51:35.000 There's also a thing where, like, Islam had Volkanovski's back and Volkanovski just punched him in the face over and over again.
02:51:41.000 He was yelling at the ref, like, get us up!
02:51:43.000 That is kind of crazy because, like, the guy does have control of you, but he's not doing anything good with it.
02:51:49.000 So, like, how much of that counts towards the round?
02:51:52.000 How much of these Dagestani wrestlers just fucking up the UFC? Crazy! 0.97
02:51:57.000 Crazy how many good ones there are.
02:51:59.000 Yeah, but I mean, just like, as far as, like, viewership...
02:52:03.000 You just got some guys coming in that are nasty wrestlers. 1.00
02:52:06.000 Yeah, but people went to see that fight.
02:52:09.000 That was a big fight.
02:52:10.000 Huge fight.
02:52:11.000 First of all, you got the top 155 pounder and the top 145 pounder in their prime.
02:52:17.000 Two of the top guys, pound for pound, fighting for the number one pound for pound status.
02:52:21.000 Hilda Stone.
02:52:21.000 And he was on a home turf.
02:52:23.000 Yeah, yeah.
02:52:23.000 So that adds to it.
02:52:25.000 Yeah, Islam went to Australia. 1.00
02:52:27.000 There's also an accusation of someone using an IV. They said Islam rehydrated with an IV. In rounds?
02:52:33.000 What's wrong with that?
02:52:33.000 It's illegal.
02:52:34.000 Daring him to fight?
02:52:36.000 No.
02:52:36.000 No, no, no.
02:52:37.000 Oh, before the fight.
02:52:37.000 After the weigh-ins.
02:52:38.000 Because he cuts so much weight to make one...
02:52:42.000 No, he's not allowed to use an IV. What?
02:52:45.000 Yeah, it's illegal.
02:52:46.000 It's part of USADA because you could mask PEDs with an IV. So like if you take certain PEDs, you can flush your system out with an IV and then take a piss test and it won't show up.
02:52:56.000 Love it.
02:52:57.000 Yeah. 1.00
02:52:58.000 Damn. 1.00
02:52:58.000 So it's illegal. 1.00
02:52:59.000 But I don't know whether or not he actually...
02:53:00.000 They say that they caught him.
02:53:01.000 They say they know, but I haven't seen anything yet.
02:53:04.000 So until then, I don't know.
02:53:05.000 I will say, as a UFC fan, I feel like more fights are getting questionable.
02:53:10.000 That was a questionable one.
02:53:11.000 It's annoying.
02:53:12.000 The Patti Pimblett.
02:53:13.000 Yeah, the Patti Pimblett one.
02:53:15.000 I thought Jared Gordon won that fight.
02:53:16.000 That one was crazy.
02:53:18.000 It's annoying when you think somebody won and then they're like, no, somebody else. 1.00
02:53:21.000 You're like, this is stupid. 1.00
02:53:23.000 Nobody thought other than Patti's family. 1.00
02:53:26.000 Nobody thought he won that fight.
02:53:27.000 Yeah.
02:53:28.000 That was one of those ones like, man, that's hard to call for Paddy.
02:53:31.000 Paddy's British?
02:53:31.000 There were two in that card.
02:53:33.000 Scottish.
02:53:34.000 Yeah.
02:53:34.000 British.
02:53:35.000 Liverpool.
02:53:36.000 Liverpool.
02:53:37.000 Fun dude.
02:53:38.000 Great guy.
02:53:38.000 The man.
02:53:39.000 Fun guy.
02:53:39.000 Yeah.
02:53:40.000 But, you know, he's a lot of fun and he's like a wild, crazy character and he dances and shit and gets in there and gets everybody rooting for him. 0.99
02:53:48.000 Who's that fucking, who's that black dude that dances on the way in? 1.00
02:53:52.000 Which one? 1.00
02:53:53.000 A small guy that should not be a heavyweight.
02:53:56.000 Oh, Chris.
02:53:57.000 Chris Barnett?
02:53:58.000 Chris Barnett.
02:53:59.000 Oh, he's amazing.
02:54:00.000 Oh yeah, the flip?
02:54:02.000 Is that him?
02:54:03.000 Wow.
02:54:05.000 They had a Black History Month UFC clip show.
02:54:08.000 It was all like, you know the black guy's going to win. 1.00
02:54:11.000 And it was him getting dominated around one. 0.98
02:54:15.000 And then just wailing on this dude.
02:54:18.000 Well, he's like a 5'9 heavyweight.
02:54:20.000 Really?
02:54:21.000 And he throws wheel Look at him.
02:54:41.000 He's having fun.
02:54:45.000 That was the one I was with you at.
02:54:47.000 Yeah.
02:54:47.000 If guys can do that, if they can walk out like that and have fun, it's like just the looseness that comes with that.
02:54:54.000 Look at him screaming.
02:54:55.000 Oh, that guy!
02:54:56.000 Yeah, yeah, he's good.
02:54:59.000 Anyway.
02:55:00.000 Fun stuff.
02:55:01.000 What's a better combo than Tuivasa and Volkanovski being pals?
02:55:05.000 Are they buddies? 1.00
02:55:06.000 That's a good fucking crew. 1.00
02:55:07.000 They do fucking shoeys together. 1.00
02:55:09.000 Really? 1.00
02:55:09.000 That's the coolest crew possible. 1.00
02:55:11.000 They're Australian fighters.
02:55:13.000 That's the sickest crew. 1.00
02:55:15.000 Volkanovski's funny too.
02:55:16.000 He's good on pods.
02:55:18.000 I knew you were Australians.
02:55:19.000 Volkanovski and Tua.
02:55:20.000 I was amazed at his performance.
02:55:22.000 I was amazed.
02:55:23.000 Yeah, good fighter. 0.70
02:55:24.000 They lube you into those shoes. 1.00
02:55:27.000 That's so nasty.
02:55:29.000 That guy gives him his shoe. 0.88
02:55:30.000 Look at his face.
02:55:32.000 Spit it! 0.99
02:55:33.000 No! 1.00
02:55:34.000 That's gay. 1.00
02:55:35.000 Covers it up. 0.98
02:55:36.000 No!
02:55:36.000 Throw up!
02:55:37.000 When I was in Australia, I was on stage, they were like, do a Chewy. 0.99
02:55:42.000 I was like, I'm not doing a fucking Chewy. 0.99
02:55:44.000 The whole crowd ruined the show. 0.99
02:55:46.000 They were like, boo!
02:55:48.000 Did it really ruin the show? 0.99
02:55:49.000 It fucked me up. 0.71
02:55:50.000 Did you do it? 0.98
02:55:51.000 No, I didn't do it.
02:55:53.000 Shane digs in. 0.99
02:55:54.000 I was trying to talk shit. 0.99
02:55:55.000 I was like, I'm from America. 1.00
02:55:55.000 You think I'm going to fucking listen to you fucking losers? 1.00
02:55:58.000 No, you had no choice. 1.00
02:55:59.000 You had to stick with it. 1.00
02:55:59.000 You think I'm going to get peer pressured by a bunch of fucking non-Americans? 1.00
02:56:02.000 And they were all like, fuck you. 1.00
02:56:05.000 Did you go back into material after that? 1.00
02:56:09.000 Yeah, I tried.
02:56:10.000 That was the end of the show.
02:56:13.000 No way! 0.99
02:56:13.000 As soon as they hit me with the do-a-shoe-y and I said, I'm not doing a fucking-shoe-y. 0.99
02:56:17.000 Whole audience boos. 0.98
02:56:18.000 I was like, I'm from America, dude. 1.00
02:56:20.000 You think I'm going to listen to you fucking losers? 1.00
02:56:23.000 Start doing Nate's dance. 1.00
02:56:25.000 Oh my god, that's hilarious. 1.00
02:56:26.000 Nate is like, America, motherfucker. 1.00
02:56:28.000 How nice is that against fucking at that weigh-in? 1.00
02:56:32.000 It was so nice. 0.99
02:56:33.000 It's funny that a date says, I don't sound like that.
02:56:35.000 I don't sound like that.
02:56:36.000 Well, I don't want to bring that up.
02:56:37.000 Oh, yeah.
02:56:38.000 Let's not go there.
02:56:39.000 We had dinner.
02:56:40.000 He was like, just so you know, I don't sound like that.
02:56:42.000 I was like, oh, yeah, for sure, for sure.
02:56:44.000 Yeah.
02:56:44.000 You sound great.
02:56:45.000 You're ridiculous. 0.99
02:56:46.000 Sorry, bro. 0.99
02:56:49.000 Oh, when he came to Skankfest?
02:56:51.000 He came to Skankfest?
02:56:52.000 Five minutes into Skankfest.
02:56:53.000 Nate was at Skankfest.
02:56:55.000 What?
02:56:55.000 I invited Nate to Skankfest.
02:56:57.000 He was in Vegas.
02:56:58.000 I was like, come to Skankfest.
02:56:59.000 Wow.
02:57:00.000 He gets there.
02:57:00.000 Him and his bros, who I'm friends with all of them, they're great.
02:57:04.000 And they're the most unassuming group of dudes of all time.
02:57:07.000 Really? 1.00
02:57:07.000 None of them are fucking jacked, but they would kill everybody. 1.00
02:57:11.000 Sure. 1.00
02:57:11.000 They're all just like gremlins. 1.00
02:57:13.000 Literally like eight gremlins come in, but they got there when they're doing the fucking naked roast. 0.99
02:57:19.000 Just in time for me to be like, alright, come in, come hang out. 1.00
02:57:23.000 They get in, there's just a fucking naked fucking goth dude. 1.00
02:57:27.000 Oh no! 1.00
02:57:28.000 They walked in and like, yeah, this is fucking gay. 1.00
02:57:30.000 And I was like, I gotta piss. 1.00
02:57:31.000 Yeah, I think it's gay. 0.99
02:57:33.000 Technically yes, technically. 0.94
02:57:34.000 We still haven't paid.
02:57:35.000 Went back to the green room.
02:57:36.000 How have you held it in so long?
02:57:39.000 That's a problem.
02:57:39.000 I was a bed wetter.
02:57:41.000 Went back to the green room. 1.00
02:57:43.000 While we're in the green room, just a fucking naked dude walked in. 0.99
02:57:47.000 They didn't even talk to each other. 1.00
02:57:49.000 They all got up and left.
02:57:50.000 We just gotta go. 1.00
02:57:51.000 They're like, this is gay shit. 1.00
02:57:52.000 We're not fucking with this. 1.00
02:57:53.000 And you're like, no, no, it's comedy. 0.97
02:57:54.000 You're like, it's not that funny. 1.00
02:57:55.000 And then I looked like a fucking loser. 0.99
02:57:57.000 I was like, I saw you all walking out with them. 1.00
02:57:59.000 I was like, yeah, I'm leaving.
02:58:00.000 Like, where are you guys going?
02:58:00.000 You're like, I gotta go.
02:58:01.000 I was like, this is gay. 0.91
02:58:02.000 I'm not doing this.
02:58:03.000 Meanwhile, I was like, come check it out. 0.97
02:58:05.000 That sucks they came on that night. 0.71
02:58:07.000 Because that can be fun. 0.66
02:58:08.000 The Naked Rose is awesome.
02:58:09.000 Because Skankfest is great, just not. 0.99
02:58:12.000 Naked Rose is fucking gross. 1.00
02:58:14.000 I loved it. 1.00
02:58:15.000 It's definitely gross, but it's a freak show. 1.00
02:58:16.000 First year of Brooklyn Naked Rose was like, what the fuck? 0.99
02:58:19.000 I'm an edge lord. 1.00
02:58:20.000 You're an edge guy.
02:58:21.000 I'm an edge lord.
02:58:21.000 You're not worried about comedy.
02:58:23.000 You're more about like, wouldn't it be funny if our butt and dick was out? 0.99
02:58:26.000 Correct. 0.99
02:58:26.000 I'm a lord of that. 0.99
02:58:27.000 Sorry, that was mean.
02:58:30.000 I take it back.
02:58:31.000 I apologize. 0.99
02:58:34.000 Dude, dicks are funny. 0.99
02:58:36.000 Obviously dicks are hilarious. 1.00
02:58:37.000 Dicks are funny and roasts are funny, so it's fun to get the most. 0.99
02:58:40.000 I go to any time there's a naked roast, I'm like, oh, I'm going. 0.97
02:58:43.000 I would sit front row in Brooklyn Skank Fest. 1.00
02:58:45.000 It was like the one where I saw the trans woman tuck her dick, where it just looked like a woman, and then in the middle of her first joke, she just popped the dick out, and it's like... 1.00
02:58:54.000 What? 1.00
02:58:55.000 That's comedy. 1.00
02:58:56.000 Or Klempf taking her fucking notes out of her pussy. 1.00
02:58:58.000 Who? 1.00
02:58:59.000 Alison Klempf.
02:59:00.000 Wow, really?
02:59:00.000 She was like, huh?
02:59:01.000 And she reached out and she put a baggie out and it had her fucking jokes in there. 1.00
02:59:05.000 Whoa, that's a hell of a Gallagher. 1.00
02:59:07.000 That's a lady. 1.00
02:59:08.000 That's disgusting. 0.99
02:59:09.000 Yeah. 1.00
02:59:10.000 Damn. 1.00
02:59:11.000 Baggie out of a Klempf. 1.00
02:59:12.000 Yeah, baggie.
02:59:13.000 Holy moly. 1.00
02:59:14.000 Naked Rose took her fucking jokes out of her pussy. 1.00
02:59:18.000 Oh my god. 1.00
02:59:19.000 Disgusting. 0.99
02:59:20.000 He looks so much like the way. 1.00
02:59:22.000 Oh boy.
02:59:23.000 I was stuck in a cavity search at the airport.
02:59:24.000 Like, wait a minute.
02:59:26.000 What are these bad jokes?
02:59:28.000 This is smuggling?
02:59:29.000 This is worse than heroin.
02:59:33.000 That's not the first time she stuffed anything up there to hide it either.
02:59:35.000 Oh no.
02:59:36.000 That's not a thing you come up with on the fly.
02:59:38.000 That's a female privilege. 1.00
02:59:40.000 It'd be nice to be able to have a little storage area.
02:59:42.000 I tried.
02:59:43.000 It doesn't work. 0.99
02:59:44.000 You tried to save something in your butt once? 0.99
02:59:46.000 Yeah, it just keeps coming out. 1.00
02:59:47.000 Nah, your butt will swallow it. 1.00
02:59:50.000 It wouldn't do it. 1.00
02:59:52.000 Hemorrhoids, you ever use one of those fucking preparation-age things? 0.99
02:59:56.000 I've never had a hemorrhoid. 0.99
02:59:57.000 By the way, those suppositories, I'll be honest, they feel pretty good.
03:00:01.000 You ever do those?
03:00:02.000 Right to the glance. 0.99
03:00:04.000 Your butt just, I got it from here, dude. 0.99
03:00:06.000 Yeah, it knows what to do. 0.99
03:00:08.000 It's so nice.
03:00:09.000 Yeah.
03:00:10.000 Suppositories work.
03:00:11.000 You're sad.
03:00:12.000 You got a hemorrhoid. 0.99
03:00:13.000 You're like, God, this is disgusting. 0.97
03:00:14.000 And then you put it in there.
03:00:15.000 You're like, golly, that was actually decent. 0.99
03:00:18.000 You get anal. 0.99
03:00:19.000 What is this Calgary trampede shirt you have on? 0.99
03:00:23.000 What is that?
03:00:23.000 Trampede rules.
03:00:24.000 What is it? 0.99
03:00:25.000 You're gay. 1.00
03:00:25.000 This is going to be bullshit. 1.00
03:00:26.000 I hate you. 1.00
03:00:27.000 It was stampede. 0.99
03:00:28.000 It's like this rodeo in Calgary.
03:00:30.000 I went with Bert and O'Neal once.
03:00:32.000 It's a girl stampede? 0.99
03:00:33.000 It's a girl rodeo? 1.00
03:00:34.000 No, but some chick, it's just like an ICP thing. 1.00
03:00:38.000 ICP? Yeah, it's that kind of vibe.
03:00:39.000 Insane clown posse? 0.97
03:00:40.000 Is that what you're saying? 1.00
03:00:41.000 Some chick's blowing like seven dudes in a fucking- What? 1.00
03:00:43.000 Yeah, in like a garage. 1.00
03:00:46.000 What?
03:00:46.000 Alright, well that's cooler than I thought it was going to be.
03:00:47.000 What are you talking about?
03:00:49.000 Trampede at Stampede.
03:00:51.000 What is it? 1.00
03:00:51.000 Stampede is all the fucking cattle rustling come together. 1.00
03:00:54.000 Yeah. 1.00
03:00:55.000 Threesome caught on camera at Calgary Stampede rodeo.
03:00:58.000 This might be Trampede or it might just be a normal. 1.00
03:01:00.000 So at the Calgary Stampede, girls go and just fuck guys? 1.00
03:01:05.000 This chick went fucking wild. 1.00
03:01:06.000 Wait, was she the senator's daughter? 1.00
03:01:08.000 I don't think.
03:01:08.000 There's a whole thing about a politician's daughter at this Calgary Stampede.
03:01:12.000 You gotta put Trampede in. 0.99
03:01:13.000 We're America.
03:01:14.000 Trampede's not coming.
03:01:15.000 So Trampede was the mascot of Stampede for a while.
03:01:19.000 Oh, okay. 0.99
03:01:21.000 And she's just fucking dudes like ICP level in the parking lot. 1.00
03:01:26.000 So it's a girl who goes to the Calgary Stampede and just fucks everybody? 1.00
03:01:30.000 There are more birds nine months after Stampede than any other time in Calgary. 0.87
03:01:36.000 I think there's a lady who's a politician's daughter and it was a whole thing in Calgary.
03:01:43.000 I was just there, and they were like, talk about this, the place will go nuts.
03:01:45.000 We went once.
03:01:46.000 Me, Burt, O'Neal, Edgar, and Kathleen McGee went for Stampede. 0.99
03:01:50.000 It was such trash. 1.00
03:01:51.000 I threw up on a child. 1.00
03:01:52.000 What?
03:01:53.000 I'm trying to keep up with Burt, but Jameson! 1.00
03:01:55.000 What an idiot! 1.00
03:01:56.000 I barfed on a kid, blackout, I just heard... 1.00
03:01:59.000 It got on him! 0.99
03:02:00.000 And I'm like, God damn it. 0.99
03:02:02.000 I had to fucking sleep it off in the bathroom. 0.99
03:02:04.000 Wow. 0.99
03:02:05.000 In that video, in that picture. 1.00
03:02:06.000 Damn, that girl's a beast. 1.00
03:02:08.000 I think that's her. 1.00
03:02:09.000 No regrets.
03:02:10.000 Yeah, she went viral. 0.99
03:02:11.000 She started doing porn. 0.99
03:02:12.000 She started doing porn? 1.00
03:02:14.000 She went viral for sucking cucumbers and fucking two dudes in a parking garage? 1.00
03:02:18.000 Wow. 1.00
03:02:19.000 Congratulations.
03:02:20.000 This is hard for women. 1.00
03:02:23.000 It's a hard industry for women to break into. 1.00
03:02:25.000 All you gotta do is suck a cucumber and fuck two guys in a parking garage. 1.00
03:02:30.000 Anyway, the problem is you can't get out of it. 1.00
03:02:34.000 Everyone's gonna remember that one.
03:02:37.000 Everyone.
03:02:38.000 But they celebrated her.
03:02:40.000 No one cares about the account suspended.
03:02:43.000 No, no.
03:02:44.000 She's been porn now. 0.99
03:02:45.000 She's into porn now. 0.99
03:02:46.000 Elon, get her back, dude. 1.00
03:02:47.000 Yeah, but you can do porn on Twitter. 0.75
03:02:48.000 Yeah, what's going on, Elon? 0.52
03:02:49.000 That's the crazy thing.
03:02:50.000 Do something, man.
03:02:51.000 Free trampede.
03:02:52.000 She might have went off.
03:02:53.000 She might have gone QAnon.
03:02:54.000 Yeah.
03:02:55.000 She might have went Pizzagate. 1.00
03:02:58.000 I'll be honest. 1.00
03:02:58.000 If you're sucking dick in a fucking parking garage in Canada, the next thing you know, you're like, there's a basement there. 1.00
03:03:03.000 I know. 1.00
03:03:04.000 A goddamn basement there. 1.00
03:03:05.000 It is pretty flat. 1.00
03:03:06.000 There is a basement there.
03:03:08.000 Why were they posting all that on Instagram?
03:03:10.000 The Atlantic was fake.
03:03:12.000 I wonder what she got suspended for.
03:03:15.000 That's a wild lady. 1.00
03:03:16.000 I'd like to read her tweets.
03:03:17.000 I love how you can call up Elon and be like, can you tell me exactly what she was suspended for?
03:03:20.000 He goes, here's the deal.
03:03:22.000 I probably could.
03:03:23.000 I wouldn't want to waste his time, though.
03:03:24.000 You don't want to get too many of those text messages returned.
03:03:28.000 You've got to be careful.
03:03:28.000 That's funny that that's yours.
03:03:31.000 I've got a bunch of dudes that I'm like, I'm not going to text them.
03:03:33.000 I don't want to waste this text.
03:03:35.000 Yours is Elon.
03:03:36.000 It's funny.
03:03:36.000 Soders was like when the guy was the coordinator at the...
03:03:40.000 Oh, that's his close friend, though.
03:03:42.000 Yeah, and he goes, can you get me one of those throwback jerseys?
03:03:45.000 Dude, I'm running a playoff game right now.
03:03:47.000 I gotta worry about the run game.
03:03:48.000 Get me one of those throwback jerseys.
03:03:50.000 When you think about Elon, though, these guys running three different companies simultaneously.
03:03:53.000 I don't even understand it.
03:03:55.000 I don't know how it's possible to run Tesla, Twitter, SpaceX, boring systems.
03:04:02.000 I don't understand anything about Elon.
03:04:04.000 And he still responds to tweets.
03:04:06.000 And he's having 19 kids.
03:04:08.000 At least 19. He's busy.
03:04:10.000 Shooting them right now. 0.99
03:04:11.000 Shooting loads right now. 1.00
03:04:12.000 Shooting loads.
03:04:12.000 No pressure.
03:04:14.000 Him and Nick Cannon.
03:04:16.000 Falcon X. Saving the population.
03:04:19.000 How many kids does Nick Cannon have?
03:04:20.000 I think he's up to 12. Most of them.
03:04:23.000 Look at the apostles.
03:04:24.000 That's so crazy.
03:04:27.000 And step program.
03:04:29.000 You know what's funny?
03:04:30.000 I don't know.
03:04:31.000 You better keep working.
03:04:32.000 Yeah. 0.99
03:04:33.000 You better keep working because you got a monthly nut that's tough to fucking cover. 0.98
03:04:38.000 Now Whitey is real low on the baby chart. 0.99
03:04:41.000 What?
03:04:42.000 What is?
03:04:42.000 Whitey.
03:04:44.000 Like, we're not having kids anymore.
03:04:45.000 Yeah.
03:04:46.000 Now, how hard was it for you? 0.93
03:04:47.000 Ari fucked it up for everybody. 0.96
03:04:49.000 In vitro. 0.99
03:04:51.000 Clipped.
03:04:52.000 I got clipped.
03:04:53.000 You got clipped.
03:04:54.000 Yeah.
03:04:54.000 Easy.
03:04:55.000 Ari's never having kids again. 1.00
03:04:57.000 No, I think a lot of people, the in vitro thing is they're having them too late.
03:05:00.000 They're having it late.
03:05:01.000 Yeah, they're like, people want their career, they want a family, they want everything, they want the whole deal.
03:05:05.000 Exactly.
03:05:06.000 Next thing you know, they're 40 and they're trying to get pregnant. 1.00
03:05:08.000 It's hard.
03:05:09.000 It's hard.
03:05:09.000 It's not the same.
03:05:10.000 Are you thinking about having them?
03:05:12.000 Yeah, I'd like to have a kid.
03:05:13.000 When do you think you would go?
03:05:14.000 How old are you now?
03:05:15.000 I'm 39. How old's the missus?
03:05:18.000 31. She's good.
03:05:19.000 She's good to go.
03:05:20.000 All right, all right.
03:05:21.000 She's got three more years before things get dicey.
03:05:23.000 Really?
03:05:24.000 I don't have a scrambled egg.
03:05:26.000 Oh, 48 and pregnant?
03:05:27.000 Yeah.
03:05:27.000 Wow.
03:05:28.000 Who? 0.97
03:05:28.000 Da brat. 0.97
03:05:29.000 To Brett. 0.76
03:05:30.000 Yeah.
03:05:31.000 Didn't that woman from Rocky IV, remember the woman that Sylvester Stallone was dating?
03:05:38.000 Wow, 48 and pregnant.
03:05:39.000 Wow, that's incredible.
03:05:41.000 It's ideal.
03:05:42.000 Yeah.
03:05:44.000 We'll see how that turns out.
03:05:45.000 That lady from Rocky IV, the really tall lady that used to be married. 1.00
03:05:49.000 Yeah, that one.
03:05:50.000 She got pregnant late. 0.99
03:05:52.000 Really?
03:05:53.000 I think she was in her 50s.
03:05:54.000 Well, she had good genes. 0.91
03:05:55.000 Yes, Viking jeans. 1.00
03:05:57.000 Yes, that's a tall, blonde whore. 1.00
03:06:00.000 That's a tall drink of water. 1.00
03:06:01.000 But wait a minute, how old was your lady, if you don't mind me asking? 0.69
03:06:05.000 She's 54 when she had a kid. 0.85
03:06:07.000 That's insane.
03:06:09.000 That's not Flavor Flaves, is it?
03:06:11.000 It might have been.
03:06:12.000 It might have been Flavor Flaves.
03:06:14.000 Maria Desi.
03:06:15.000 Wow, 54 is nuts, man. 0.85
03:06:18.000 That's a gamble.
03:06:19.000 That thing could come out cross-eyed. 0.96
03:06:21.000 It might.
03:06:22.000 Yeah, look at it.
03:06:23.000 Kid looks fine.
03:06:24.000 She looks healthy again.
03:06:25.000 All right.
03:06:26.000 Snap back.
03:06:27.000 54. Strong genes.
03:06:28.000 This could change the game.
03:06:30.000 Yeah.
03:06:31.000 Holy hell.
03:06:32.000 Yeah.
03:06:32.000 But you had them early.
03:06:33.000 Yeah, my wife was in her early 30s. 1.00
03:06:36.000 When you get into like late 30s, like Brigid Phetasy, my friend, she had her kid at like 41. Really?
03:06:43.000 Yeah, last Brigid.
03:06:44.000 She's the best.
03:06:45.000 Was it not a...
03:06:46.000 No, the kid's fine.
03:06:47.000 The kid's amazing.
03:06:49.000 I saw her on a plane to Myanmar, I think. 1.00
03:06:51.000 Oh, no shit. 0.99
03:06:52.000 She was like, we barely knew each other. 0.99
03:06:54.000 This was like six, seven, eight years ago, and she was like, I met you once at the comedy store, right?
03:06:59.000 I was like, oh, yeah.
03:07:00.000 But I was so ready to be gone from society that I was like, nice to see you again.
03:07:04.000 Excuse me.
03:07:05.000 I just went back to my seat. 1.00
03:07:06.000 What a fucking dork. 1.00
03:07:07.000 You were in that fucking rambling mode. 1.00
03:07:10.000 You get in rambling mode, you get to travel. 1.00
03:07:12.000 If you see somebody, it brings you back.
03:07:14.000 It sobers you up.
03:07:14.000 I don't want to be the poses right now.
03:07:16.000 You just enjoyed vanishing, huh, for a few months?
03:07:19.000 Yeah.
03:07:20.000 What are you guys doing? 0.95
03:07:21.000 But wait, did you feel like kids fucked you up? 0.97
03:07:23.000 No, in one way. 0.93
03:07:24.000 Well, I mean, you've got to be present and soccer practice and changing diapers.
03:07:29.000 It makes you think about people other than yourself.
03:07:31.000 There's good to that.
03:07:33.000 All right.
03:07:33.000 It's also, it's like, it changes everything.
03:07:35.000 It makes the world a way better place.
03:07:38.000 Really?
03:07:38.000 Yeah, it's way more interesting.
03:07:41.000 It's way more fun.
03:07:42.000 Like, their fun is your fun.
03:07:44.000 Their fun makes you happier than anything you could ever be happy about for yourself.
03:07:48.000 So I feel about raves.
03:07:49.000 It's just different.
03:07:50.000 About raves?
03:07:51.000 Mm-hmm.
03:07:52.000 Everyone's having a good time.
03:07:54.000 This place is great. 0.99
03:07:55.000 The fucking universe is awesome. 0.99
03:07:56.000 Yeah, they're connected. 0.99
03:07:56.000 Ari just woke up. 0.99
03:07:57.000 It's kind of sad.
03:07:58.000 A little bit sad.
03:07:59.000 Glow sticks?
03:08:00.000 Sad with, yeah.
03:08:01.000 Kids is better than raves.
03:08:03.000 Remember who loves his dog?
03:08:04.000 See how he loves his dog? 0.99
03:08:05.000 He fucking made out that dog on the last one. 1.00
03:08:08.000 That dog rules. 1.00
03:08:08.000 Bandit's the best. 1.00
03:08:09.000 That dog rules.
03:08:09.000 Bandit's the best.
03:08:09.000 That dog rules.
03:08:10.000 Bandit's the best.
03:08:10.000 That dog rules.
03:08:11.000 Bandit's the best.
03:08:12.000 That dog rules.
03:08:13.000 Bandit's the best. 0.99
03:08:20.000 Fucking nothing to do with it. 1.00
03:08:21.000 They went nuts on you kissing that dog. 1.00
03:08:23.000 Yeah. 1.00
03:08:24.000 They hate you. 1.00
03:08:24.000 The black community. 1.00
03:08:25.000 After what you did the first time, and then now this? 0.99
03:08:27.000 I killed Magic Johnson, and then this.
03:08:30.000 By the way, AIDS got cured. 0.98
03:08:32.000 Oh, yeah.
03:08:33.000 Hook it up.
03:08:34.000 Multiple people have been cured of HIV now.
03:08:36.000 Oh, yeah.
03:08:36.000 You know why?
03:08:37.000 Jamie, you're next.
03:08:37.000 Because once they get the prep where it's not a real thing, then they're like, we had the cure forever.
03:08:41.000 Let's just release it.
03:08:43.000 Michael Che had a good joke about that.
03:08:44.000 What did he say?
03:08:46.000 He did our podcast and he was like, here's a sketch I couldn't do on SNL. And then I think he ended up doing it.
03:08:52.000 But it was those AIDS commercials.
03:08:54.000 And then just a dude being in the middle of it.
03:08:57.000 Have you seen those prep AIDS commercials?
03:08:59.000 No.
03:09:00.000 Where they're like...
03:09:00.000 Oh, I have seen those.
03:09:01.000 There's tons of them.
03:09:02.000 They're weird.
03:09:03.000 You take it if you think you might be getting HIV and you're just banging guys.
03:09:07.000 It's like two dudes together fishing or playing the drums.
03:09:10.000 And then he was like, the sketch would be a guy in the middle of it being like, but I'm not gay.
03:09:14.000 Oh, that's fun. 0.97
03:09:15.000 This isn't for gay AIDS. Right. 0.99
03:09:18.000 You know?
03:09:19.000 Just one of these guys in the middle of the commercial being like, actually, I'm not gay. 0.82
03:09:23.000 Do you have to be gay to get this commercial? 0.93
03:09:24.000 Imagine if you're a straight guy and you got that commercial and people are like, you're taking jobs away from gay people. 0.99
03:09:29.000 So this is like a pill that you take to make sure that you don't get AIDS? Dude, uh, uh, um... 0.93
03:09:35.000 Okay. 0.99
03:09:36.000 Fucking, what's his name? 1.00
03:09:38.000 That sucks to get that. 1.00
03:09:39.000 Mateo. 0.94
03:09:39.000 After, uh, auditioning for years. 0.94
03:09:42.000 He was just like, you let HIV-positive dudes blow loads in your butt. 1.00
03:09:46.000 You cannot get it. 1.00
03:09:48.000 Come on.
03:09:48.000 Who did this?
03:09:49.000 Matteo.
03:09:50.000 He's like, you just go for it.
03:09:51.000 It doesn't matter.
03:09:52.000 Oh, that's easy.
03:09:53.000 This is before.
03:09:54.000 He was pre-prepped.
03:09:55.000 At NWA. Yeah, it's a force field.
03:09:59.000 NWA AIDS. It just stops him from getting in there.
03:10:01.000 He won't get it.
03:10:02.000 Wow.
03:10:02.000 If you're on prep, you're fine.
03:10:03.000 So none of them worry about AIDS anymore.
03:10:05.000 No, why?
03:10:05.000 Come on.
03:10:06.000 That's what the A stands for?
03:10:07.000 Yeah.
03:10:08.000 What's that?
03:10:12.000 We're about to have to leave that one.
03:10:13.000 Yeah, maybe pull that one out.
03:10:15.000 It used to be at one point in time that was a death sentence.
03:10:23.000 That's too good.
03:10:24.000 That's a rough one.
03:10:26.000 J-Mo! 0.97
03:10:28.000 Time stamp that one, J-Mo.
03:10:30.000 You're the voice of reason.
03:10:31.000 Time stamp it?
03:10:31.000 Figure it out?
03:10:32.000 Time stamp it.
03:10:33.000 N-W-A, the A is for AIDS. Instead of attitude.
03:10:36.000 Easy, I'm just saying.
03:10:38.000 I'm not making that up.
03:10:39.000 The man had HIV. Remember when you used to live stream this podcast?
03:10:48.000 We still do livestream fight companions.
03:10:53.000 We did the fight companion, hammered, live, Eddie Bravo talking about Flat Earth and satellites aren't real.
03:10:58.000 That's fun!
03:11:00.000 I love Flat Earth.
03:11:01.000 We're live right now.
03:11:03.000 Whoopsies.
03:11:04.000 I'm ruined.
03:11:06.000 Whoopsies.
03:11:07.000 My dad was right.
03:11:08.000 I'm ruined. 1.00
03:11:10.000 I can't wait to bring Phil to a fucking theater and talk about sucking his dick. 1.00
03:11:14.000 Dude, you gotta do that. 1.00
03:11:15.000 That'd be so fucking great. 0.98
03:11:16.000 That'd be so great. 0.98
03:11:17.000 But the problem is now he's proud of me.
03:11:19.000 Right.
03:11:19.000 Oh, right.
03:11:20.000 Now my family's proud of me, which is funny.
03:11:21.000 Well, when you walk on stage now, they go crazy.
03:11:23.000 And so, like, they've got to accept the fact that it worked out.
03:11:27.000 Yeah, but now my dad's a lot.
03:11:28.000 He's very—everything he does, I copy him.
03:11:31.000 So he's very, like, all right.
03:11:33.000 Like, if there's a—he's like, I'm gonna bomb.
03:11:35.000 Like, he's that guy.
03:11:36.000 Oh, okay.
03:11:37.000 That's where you get it from.
03:11:38.000 People are going crazy and he's like, what are they going crazy for?
03:11:41.000 But then if I'm not there, he's like, you see my son?
03:11:44.000 Oh, got it.
03:11:45.000 That's fun.
03:11:46.000 It's very sweet.
03:11:47.000 That's cool.
03:11:48.000 My parents won't give it up, but sometimes we'll be out to dinner and someone's like, hey, I'm a fan.
03:11:52.000 And they're like, oh, I guess we got to give it up.
03:11:54.000 Oh, yeah.
03:11:55.000 We got to like, oh, okay, good for him.
03:11:57.000 So your parents still don't give it up to you?
03:11:59.000 I don't get a lot of giving it up.
03:12:00.000 Oh, man.
03:12:00.000 My family gave it up too much.
03:12:02.000 But they understand you're successful, right?
03:12:03.000 They like me too.
03:12:03.000 I think so.
03:12:04.000 You think they understand it?
03:12:06.000 Yeah.
03:12:07.000 Well, comedy's such a strange world.
03:12:10.000 Yeah.
03:12:10.000 But I think they give it up.
03:12:12.000 Like, I met, I opened for Jerry Seinfeld, so that's something they'd be like, okay, that we've heard of.
03:12:17.000 Are they worried that it's like, Temporary, maybe?
03:12:20.000 Yeah.
03:12:21.000 Like, oh, this is Mark Norman.
03:12:22.000 I don't know.
03:12:23.000 I mean, it's working out for now, but it might go bad.
03:12:25.000 Exactly.
03:12:26.000 That's how we feel.
03:12:27.000 Yeah, exactly.
03:12:28.000 That's how I feel. 1.00
03:12:29.000 I wake up every day like, all right, you suck. 1.00
03:12:31.000 Yeah, this is a long life we got. 1.00
03:12:33.000 We're going to do this forever?
03:12:34.000 I mean, you're doing whippets at 78. You know what's sadder?
03:12:37.000 When people stop doing it.
03:12:39.000 Yeah, it's really sad.
03:12:39.000 When you run into a guy who used to do comedy, you don't do comedy anymore?
03:12:42.000 That's really sad.
03:12:42.000 Especially if they had at least one good set where you could have figured it out.
03:12:46.000 Or maybe even a special or two.
03:12:48.000 Yeah!
03:12:49.000 And you run into guys and you don't do comedy anymore?
03:12:52.000 No, I'm a producer now or no, I'm just having a normal life.
03:12:54.000 You remember during the pandemic when you didn't do comedy for months and you're like, I guess this is life now?
03:12:58.000 I felt empty.
03:12:59.000 It felt weird.
03:13:00.000 We were all at Central Park, Louie showed up with Liss and Sarah, and it was like, we're talking about comics, and he's like, I mean, we're not.
03:13:07.000 We don't do it.
03:13:08.000 We're not comics.
03:13:09.000 What are we? 1.00
03:13:10.000 You emo fucking pussies. 1.00
03:13:12.000 You're talking about Louie CK. No, you. 1.00
03:13:14.000 No, Louie CK. Well, Louie's also an emo.
03:13:17.000 Fuck. 1.00
03:13:17.000 That's who you're talking about, because that's who the quote was. 1.00
03:13:18.000 We're not even comics now.
03:13:19.000 That's pretty good. 0.95
03:13:21.000 We're not even fucking... 0.93
03:13:23.000 We had nothing. 0.96
03:13:25.000 Then the parks opened up, then the roofs opened up.
03:13:27.000 It was like, alright, I got a purpose.
03:13:29.000 All you guys had to do was not be in New York.
03:13:30.000 I left New York and did stand-up.
03:13:32.000 No, New York was going on in New York. 0.99
03:13:34.000 That was fucking lame, dude. 0.99
03:13:35.000 The rooftop shows. 0.99
03:13:36.000 Anytime I went back to New York, it was a rooftop or you were out front.
03:13:39.000 Rooftop?
03:13:39.000 Tiny covered.
03:13:40.000 Tiny covered.
03:13:41.000 Out front of the stand.
03:13:42.000 You were doing the street in the stand.
03:13:44.000 That was rough.
03:13:45.000 Lady would be walking her dog through you in the crowd. 1.00
03:13:47.000 That shit sucked. 1.00
03:13:48.000 Fitzsimmons? 1.00
03:13:48.000 Because they'd walk by through the crowd. 1.00
03:13:50.000 Fitzsimmons would be like, just like, as soon as anybody comes, I'm just going to fucking roast them. 1.00
03:13:54.000 Just to fucking... 0.99
03:13:54.000 Yeah, but all you have to do is leave this... 0.99
03:13:57.000 I did the road in June of the pandemic.
03:14:01.000 I did too.
03:14:01.000 I did Texas and Florida.
03:14:04.000 I did hyenas in Fort Worth, like, early.
03:14:08.000 And there was no distancing.
03:14:10.000 Wow. 0.99
03:14:10.000 I walked in, it was a fucking packed full room. 0.99
03:14:13.000 And even I, who deny the fucking COVID, walked in and I was like, God damn, dude. 1.00
03:14:19.000 You guys are wild. 1.00
03:14:20.000 This is scary.
03:14:21.000 I did one weekend in Houston in July.
03:14:24.000 Me and Hitchcliff and Moses did one weekend in Houston and I was like, I can't do this anymore.
03:14:29.000 I'm like, what if I get somebody sick?
03:14:30.000 That's all I can think of.
03:14:32.000 I'm being selfish. 1.00
03:14:33.000 Somebody with a fat grandparent comes out that they live with and you're like, ah, fuck. 1.00
03:14:36.000 The problem with me is that I did podcasts. 1.00
03:14:40.000 It's like, what if I got a guest sick?
03:14:41.000 And this is when we were testing every day.
03:14:43.000 You guys were testing even back then.
03:14:44.000 That was crazy.
03:14:45.000 Tested.
03:14:46.000 Every day we tested.
03:14:47.000 No one else did that?
03:14:48.000 No one did that.
03:14:48.000 You took the most precautions when it came to COVID of anything I've seen.
03:14:53.000 Yeah, I wanted to make sure.
03:14:54.000 Also, we had a nurse on staff. 0.95
03:14:56.000 We did it.
03:14:57.000 They don't have it.
03:14:58.000 We did it.
03:14:58.000 God, I miss her.
03:14:59.000 I loved her.
03:15:00.000 She was great.
03:15:00.000 Did everything we needed to do in terms of getting shots and gave people B12 shots and IV vitamin drips.
03:15:08.000 You look feeling better than you did before.
03:15:10.000 Yeah.
03:15:10.000 Norman came over to my podcast studio.
03:15:13.000 I just opened it.
03:15:15.000 And then COVID hit. 1.00
03:15:15.000 I'm like, fuck! 1.00
03:15:17.000 I know. 1.00
03:15:18.000 Everyone was like, Schultz, Michelle, I can't, can't.
03:15:20.000 Norman came over.
03:15:21.000 We did one podcast.
03:15:22.000 Were you guys nervous being around each other? 0.99
03:15:23.000 No, we just wore masks and ski masks and shit. 0.98
03:15:26.000 And we made a joke out of it. 0.99
03:15:27.000 Because it was like, this doesn't seem real, it was funny.
03:15:30.000 I remember we were going, this is going to end everyone at each other's throats.
03:15:34.000 No more gender politics fighting. 1.00
03:15:37.000 I thought it was going to save the world.
03:15:38.000 I thought it was going to cleanse everything.
03:15:40.000 Hey, we all hate each other.
03:15:41.000 I think it kind of did.
03:15:43.000 No, it made everything way worse.
03:15:45.000 People got crazy. 1.00
03:15:46.000 I think that shit's gone, dude. 1.00
03:15:47.000 It depends on who it is. 1.00
03:15:48.000 Being home in front of your fucking anger box made everybody way worse. 0.99
03:15:51.000 If you're still in the culture war. 1.00
03:15:53.000 Culture war.
03:15:54.000 Get out of it.
03:15:55.000 Get out of it.
03:15:55.000 It's over.
03:15:56.000 Yeah, some people need it, though.
03:15:58.000 That's like where they get their identity from.
03:16:00.000 It's over.
03:16:00.000 It's their whole personality.
03:16:01.000 There's turtles in the fucking river here. 1.00
03:16:03.000 Go have a fucking walk. 1.00
03:16:04.000 Go be funny. 1.00
03:16:05.000 Go do comedy.
03:16:06.000 Go get laughs.
03:16:07.000 Turtles in the river.
03:16:08.000 That's the distraction.
03:16:10.000 Turtles in the river.
03:16:11.000 I saw those turtles, and then immediately I was excited.
03:16:14.000 I go, oh, turtles.
03:16:15.000 I like to see turtles, and then I saw a tent, and I was like, oh, there's a man dying in the mud.
03:16:21.000 It's good we walked here.
03:16:23.000 They found an alligator in one of the lakes out here. 0.98
03:16:26.000 It's very rare, but occasionally someone will fucking let a pet loose. 0.97
03:16:31.000 They have alligators in south of Texas, though. 0.97
03:16:33.000 Have we talked about this on here?
03:16:35.000 What? 1.00
03:16:36.000 That guy who died, and his last words were, fuck those alligators, and he jumped off a dock. 1.00
03:16:41.000 He was drinking a bar, and they were like, you can't go in that lake. 1.00
03:16:45.000 Fuck those alligators. 1.00
03:16:45.000 Tons of alligators, and his last words were, fuck those alligators. 1.00
03:16:48.000 As they ate them, and he just jumped in. 1.00
03:16:50.000 He got munched.
03:16:51.000 We definitely have talked about this on here.
03:16:54.000 And then a few days later, his friend went out on the lake and killed the alligator.
03:17:00.000 Where are we here?
03:17:01.000 I think in South Texas. 1.00
03:17:03.000 Fuck that alligator. 1.00
03:17:04.000 Man killed seconds after mocking gator warning. 1.00
03:17:07.000 Oh my god.
03:17:10.000 28 year old Texas man was attacked and killed by an alligator almost immediately after being warned by a bystander not to swim in the water. 1.00
03:17:18.000 Replying, fuck that alligator before jumping in. 0.99
03:17:20.000 Bugs feet reports. 1.00
03:17:21.000 11 foot gator.
03:17:23.000 Whoa, that's a big, big foot.
03:17:24.000 The next thing I know, I didn't even know how long it was.
03:17:26.000 I saw his body floating face down.
03:17:28.000 Wait, wait, wait.
03:17:31.000 I saw his body floating face down and then he's up there for a couple seconds and then he gets dragged back down and pulled off.
03:17:37.000 Oh.
03:17:38.000 He's just meat.
03:17:39.000 He's just meat. 1.00
03:17:40.000 It's pretty fun, though, to be hammered and be like, fuck that fucking loser. 1.00
03:17:44.000 He went for it. 1.00
03:17:45.000 He went for it.
03:17:46.000 He failed, but he went for it.
03:17:47.000 Yeah, an alligator killed an 85-year-old woman yesterday. 1.00
03:17:49.000 Damn! 1.00
03:17:50.000 Look at him getting fucking... 1.00
03:17:53.000 He's got the duct tape on the mouth. 1.00
03:17:55.000 His hands behind his back. 1.00
03:17:56.000 He's being let off like a fucking terrorist. 1.00
03:17:59.000 Look how they do it in his arms. 1.00
03:18:01.000 The dog survived and she didn't, which is pretty crazy.
03:18:03.000 Wow.
03:18:04.000 Dog survived?
03:18:05.000 Dog survived.
03:18:06.000 That's always nice.
03:18:06.000 That's always the worst part.
03:18:09.000 When I was young, we used to go to Hilton Head in South Carolina, and it would always be, you're walking your dog, and the fucking gator grabs it. 0.99
03:18:16.000 They love the dogs. 0.99
03:18:16.000 Dogs bark at the alligators. 0.99
03:18:18.000 They don't know.
03:18:18.000 So they just bark at it.
03:18:19.000 They stay right on the edge, and the alligator's like, I'm just coming at you.
03:18:24.000 I'm going to eat you. 0.99
03:18:25.000 It's so many of them, too.
03:18:27.000 It's so crazy.
03:18:27.000 They ate a baby in Disney World.
03:18:29.000 Orlando, yeah. 1.00
03:18:30.000 Yeah, you gotta shoot him in the head. 1.00
03:18:31.000 It's the only way. 1.00
03:18:32.000 That's when those people were like, there was some chick at like CBS or something. 1.00
03:18:35.000 She was like, fuck that man whose baby died. 1.00
03:18:37.000 And they were like, what? 1.00
03:18:39.000 Who said that?
03:18:40.000 Somebody from like CBS or somebody high up.
03:18:42.000 Some chick who was like, you know, angered. 0.60
03:18:45.000 And then they were like, no, no, no, you can't actually.
03:18:47.000 Or some lawyer.
03:18:48.000 And it's like, you can't actually root for a baby's death. 1.00
03:18:50.000 Why were they saying fuck the guy whose baby got killed? 1.00
03:18:54.000 Because it was a man. 1.00
03:18:55.000 What?
03:18:56.000 No.
03:18:57.000 Is that simple? 1.00
03:18:58.000 Just fuck men? 1.00
03:18:59.000 Yeah. 1.00
03:19:00.000 Really?
03:19:00.000 What a nice lady.
03:19:02.000 That's like the worst one ever. 1.00
03:19:03.000 You fucking save up your money, you go to fucking Disney with your family, and a fucking reptile eats you. 1.00
03:19:09.000 It's a dinosaur. 1.00
03:19:11.000 They come out of the water and eat you, and then they go back.
03:19:13.000 They're huge.
03:19:15.000 That was really her only take? 1.00
03:19:16.000 Was like, fuck the guy? 1.00
03:19:17.000 Yeah, it was like, fine, fuck him. 1.00
03:19:19.000 I don't care. 1.00
03:19:19.000 These men have done this for centuries. 1.00
03:19:21.000 Oh, no.
03:19:22.000 I got fingered once.
03:19:24.000 Yeah. 1.00
03:19:26.000 I'm glad a two-year-old got eaten by a fucking reptile. 1.00
03:19:30.000 Oh, God. 1.00
03:19:31.000 Jesus Christ.
03:19:32.000 So many people's hot takes off of Twitter. 0.99
03:19:34.000 It's just fucking amazing. 0.96
03:19:35.000 We were talking about it at a club, how they were boycotting a club because they booked someone they didn't like. 0.98
03:19:40.000 Someone who had an allegation or something. 0.99
03:19:42.000 And all these local comics were boycotting, like, fuck this club. 0.98
03:19:45.000 And then on Tuesday, they were like, hey, so here's our spots for the week. 0.99
03:19:47.000 We can call in.
03:19:48.000 And the club owner was like...
03:19:49.000 No. 1.00
03:19:50.000 You said to fucking boycott a female in my club. 1.00
03:19:53.000 No fucking way. 1.00
03:19:55.000 It is a business. 0.99
03:19:56.000 Yeah, like you just said not to come here.
03:19:58.000 Here's the thing about those comics. 0.99
03:19:59.000 They always suck. 1.00
03:20:01.000 They suck. 1.00
03:20:02.000 Always. 1.00
03:20:03.000 Not a talented one amongst them.
03:20:05.000 Yeah, it's never like a high-level working comic who's like, I'm out there.
03:20:08.000 No one who's got a future.
03:20:09.000 No one who's got a great point of view.
03:20:11.000 No one who respects the art. 1.00
03:20:13.000 All of them suck. 1.00
03:20:14.000 They're all just fucking frauds. 1.00
03:20:16.000 Well, there's this weird notion of like, if you're gone, I'll get all the spots. 1.00
03:20:20.000 Yeah, that's what it is.
03:20:21.000 That's what it is.
03:20:22.000 I don't even know if that's it.
03:20:25.000 I think it's just like, I'm trying to be important.
03:20:27.000 They're trying to be a part of a big story.
03:20:29.000 Well, you get clicks off of hating that person.
03:20:32.000 If they had to do it anonymously, they wouldn't do it.
03:20:35.000 Virtue signaling is a lot like name dropping.
03:20:47.000 It doesn't work.
03:20:48.000 Yeah.
03:20:49.000 You know what I'm saying?
03:20:50.000 It's a thing that people try and everybody knows what you're doing.
03:20:54.000 It's like, ew.
03:20:55.000 Wow.
03:20:56.000 It doesn't work.
03:20:56.000 It doesn't work.
03:20:57.000 You might get some likes on Twitter because people are stupid. 1.00
03:21:00.000 Dummies will like you. 1.00
03:21:01.000 You'll get a dummy fan base. 0.96
03:21:02.000 Yeah, you'll get dummies that'll like what you're saying, but everybody else knows what you're doing.
03:21:06.000 I stand with Ukraine.
03:21:07.000 Yeah, look at my flag.
03:21:09.000 Yeah, exactly.
03:21:11.000 No one knew about Ukraine ten minutes ago. 1.00
03:21:14.000 Yeah, you got two fucking syringes in your profile and then a flag. 0.99
03:21:18.000 It's just all the same. 1.00
03:21:19.000 I stand with France.
03:21:20.000 I stand with Haiti.
03:21:21.000 I stand with Ukraine.
03:21:22.000 It's just like, it's the most obvious.
03:21:23.000 No hate with a thing under your eye.
03:21:25.000 It's just like, you guys are just being so...
03:21:27.000 I see through it.
03:21:29.000 Yeah, well, the best one was during COVID when they got everybody to sing songs.
03:21:37.000 Come on, cut that. 0.93
03:21:38.000 Not that one.
03:21:38.000 Help Palestine.
03:21:39.000 The good Palestine.
03:21:40.000 We're going to talk about this.
03:21:41.000 Help Palestine.
03:21:42.000 Come on, cut that out. 0.91
03:21:43.000 Free Palestine.
03:21:45.000 Yeah. 0.93
03:21:46.000 Crazy Iblis. 1.00
03:21:48.000 Iblis. 0.95
03:21:49.000 What is that?
03:21:50.000 You're in Iblis.
03:21:51.000 Arabic? 1.00
03:21:52.000 No, you're the devil. 1.00
03:21:53.000 You're the devil. 1.00
03:21:54.000 Bring Arabic in here, dude? 1.00
03:21:55.000 I'll speak a little Arabic if I need to.
03:21:58.000 Is that what Iblis is in Arabic?
03:22:00.000 Iblis. 0.98
03:22:00.000 Devil. 0.98
03:22:02.000 Kusamach.
03:22:02.000 That's the only one I know.
03:22:03.000 What's it?
03:22:04.000 Kusamach.
03:22:05.000 What is that? 1.00
03:22:05.000 Fuck your mother. 1.00
03:22:07.000 Whoa! 1.00
03:22:08.000 You don't have to say it like that.
03:22:10.000 That's how they mean it.
03:22:11.000 It sounded like a good sandwich.
03:22:14.000 Kusamach.
03:22:15.000 Kusamach on rye.
03:22:18.000 America!
03:22:19.000 Mark, do one more.
03:22:19.000 I could use a little more buffalo.
03:22:21.000 No, I want Mark to do more.
03:22:23.000 Trace. 0.93
03:22:24.000 Yeah, the leader of the devils. 0.96
03:22:26.000 There you go. 0.96
03:22:27.000 Not even the devil, the leader of them. 0.98
03:22:29.000 Crazy Iblis. 1.00
03:22:29.000 Am I the leader of the devils? 1.00
03:22:31.000 According to Shane Gills, you are. 0.95
03:22:33.000 You're Iblis. 1.00
03:22:34.000 There you go.
03:22:36.000 What else is going on, guys?
03:22:38.000 What else are we talking about?
03:22:38.000 What's the news today?
03:22:40.000 Spy balloon. 1.00
03:22:42.000 Fucking spy balloons. 1.00
03:22:43.000 What do you think those balloons are that they're shooting? 1.00
03:22:44.000 How about that one missile they missed?
03:22:47.000 Where'd that thing go?
03:22:47.000 They missed the balloon?
03:22:48.000 They missed the balloon.
03:22:49.000 Where'd that missile go?
03:22:50.000 Did they?
03:22:51.000 I thought they shot a few down.
03:22:52.000 East Lansing, Michigan.
03:22:53.000 Yeah, they shot a few down, but they missed one time.
03:22:55.000 And so one missile, it's like, I don't know where it went.
03:22:57.000 I like it's like, every country has spies. 1.00
03:22:59.000 They're like, they're spying that ass! 1.00
03:23:00.000 But that's not an arrow, that's a fucking missile. 1.00
03:23:03.000 Where'd that $400,000 Tomahawk missile go? 0.99
03:23:07.000 Where'd that go? 0.99
03:23:08.000 It went to a fucking inner city school in Saskatoon. 0.99
03:23:13.000 Missed Lake Huron object with first missile strike. 1.00
03:23:16.000 So it must have went in the lake, I guess.
03:23:17.000 Oh, alright.
03:23:18.000 How'd your uncle tell everybody exactly where it was and then they couldn't hit a balloon?
03:23:22.000 That lady's the worst at that job. 1.00
03:23:25.000 She's so good.
03:23:26.000 I like the hot chick. 1.00
03:23:28.000 Who's the guy from Fox that just goes there and bothers them?
03:23:30.000 Peter Doozy.
03:23:31.000 Dude, Peter Doozy was on the flight to Ukraine.
03:23:34.000 He got stuck in Warsaw when Biden went to Ukraine.
03:23:38.000 It was just making me laugh knowing that there's just a guy on the plane that's just like...
03:23:42.000 Mr. President, this is what you're doing. 1.00
03:23:46.000 He's some fucking old guy, like, get this goddamn asshole off this fucking plane. 1.00
03:23:51.000 Like, they just have to bring the douche. 1.00
03:23:53.000 I love how CNN went hard at Trump, like, off, like, not really the news, just trying to gotcha questions.
03:23:59.000 And then Biden wins, and they're like, oh, you guys are going to use the tactics we figured out?
03:24:03.000 Of just, like, derailing conversation.
03:24:05.000 Well, Biden has to deal with one douche.
03:24:08.000 He's got Ducey.
03:24:09.000 Yeah. 1.00
03:24:09.000 Ducey's non-stop, just like, what the fuck are you guys doing? 1.00
03:24:12.000 With Trump, it was every fucking press conference. 1.00
03:24:15.000 All of them. 1.00
03:24:16.000 Yeah.
03:24:16.000 I love it when he was like, you're rude.
03:24:18.000 You're rude. 1.00
03:24:20.000 Shut up. 1.00
03:24:21.000 Next. 1.00
03:24:21.000 Next. 1.00
03:24:21.000 I know where you are. 1.00
03:24:22.000 Remember when you got the lady?
03:24:24.000 She was like, I didn't expect you to call on me.
03:24:25.000 I wasn't thinking.
03:24:26.000 He was like, you never think.
03:24:28.000 Ooh, I remember that one.
03:24:29.000 Everyone was like, yo!
03:24:30.000 It's crazy to have a guy who does that who's the president.
03:24:33.000 Yeah. 0.80
03:24:33.000 Crazy. 0.80
03:24:34.000 That Rand Paul's no joke. 0.88
03:24:36.000 He keeps going out there. 1.00
03:24:37.000 Although, Biden don't talk shit. 1.00
03:24:39.000 Talk a little shit. 1.00
03:24:39.000 Really? 1.00
03:24:40.000 Biden talks a lot of shit. 1.00
03:24:41.000 Really? 1.00
03:24:42.000 Yeah, these dudes try to, like, come at him.
03:24:43.000 Because you're, like, I'm the most powerful guy. 1.00
03:24:46.000 You're going to fuck with me? 1.00
03:24:47.000 I haven't seen any shit talking from Biden. 1.00
03:24:48.000 Although he does the thing, you know what? 0.99
03:24:50.000 I've noticed Democrats do it a lot as they laugh.
03:24:53.000 Like, when someone, like, brings something up to them, they go...
03:24:56.000 Come on, man.
03:24:57.000 That's a tactic.
03:24:58.000 Do you know how many bodies I have in my count?
03:25:00.000 Come on.
03:25:00.000 Yeah, there it is.
03:25:01.000 That's one of the classics. 1.00
03:25:03.000 You're full of shit in a tense gun rights argument. 1.00
03:25:06.000 Dude with a fucking monster beard. 1.00
03:25:08.000 Imagine looking into those vacant eyes. 1.00
03:25:11.000 He's saying you're full of shit. 1.00
03:25:12.000 You're like, oh my god, you're a robot. 1.00
03:25:14.000 Union worker in fucking Delaware and the president comes in and he's like, you're full of shit. 1.00
03:25:19.000 That guy probably fucked everyone in the town after that. 1.00
03:25:23.000 He's probably a man. 1.00
03:25:25.000 I gotta fight with the president today. 1.00
03:25:27.000 Tommy, I like how you stood up to that fucking fascist on CNN. Hell yeah. 1.00
03:25:33.000 That's a credit.
03:25:34.000 That is the hard part is the right wing guys are more fun.
03:25:37.000 Yeah.
03:25:38.000 You know what I mean?
03:25:39.000 They're fun-loving guys. 0.99
03:25:40.000 Like, if you got a union guy with stickers on his helmet that's like fucking saying wild shit and then he argues with the president, it's like nice. 1.00
03:25:47.000 The opposite of that is some fucking fat lady with a crew cut being like, Donald Trump is Hitler! 1.00
03:25:53.000 You're like, I don't want to hang out with that. 1.00
03:25:54.000 It does not seem fun.
03:25:55.000 I don't want to hang out with that guy.
03:25:56.000 I don't want to hang out with that lady with the knit cap that's screaming. 1.00
03:26:00.000 You know that one lady with the knit cap that's like... 1.00
03:26:02.000 You're just screaming all the time.
03:26:03.000 You know that classic video? 1.00
03:26:07.000 Meanwhile, if the dude with the fucking wolf helmet that broke into the... 0.99
03:26:11.000 If he was at the show night, he'd be like, yo! 0.99
03:26:15.000 What are you doing here?
03:26:16.000 That guy, the wolf helmet was at your barbecue.
03:26:18.000 That guy's a vegan.
03:26:21.000 He's organic.
03:26:22.000 He's organic.
03:26:23.000 He's organic.
03:26:23.000 He's always trying to be something.
03:26:24.000 He's fucked for the rest of his life. 1.00
03:26:26.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00
03:26:27.000 Obviously, you can't fucking do that. 0.99
03:26:28.000 He goes down in history like that. 0.99
03:26:29.000 But he's in jail.
03:26:31.000 He's in jail forever.
03:26:32.000 Wait, he's in jail forever?
03:26:34.000 He's gonna be in jail for a long time.
03:26:35.000 Oh, yeah.
03:26:36.000 They're gonna put him in jail, and he's always gonna have a record now.
03:26:38.000 He's always gonna be that guy that did that, that broke into the White House.
03:26:41.000 That makes sense, that he's always gonna be that guy that did that, but how long is he gonna be in jail?
03:26:44.000 I don't know.
03:26:45.000 It's a good question.
03:26:45.000 Pull it up.
03:26:46.000 The shaman, how long is he in jail for?
03:26:48.000 36 months.
03:26:49.000 There he is.
03:26:49.000 He's a sexy guy.
03:26:50.000 40 months in prison followed by 36 months supervised release.
03:26:54.000 So he's going to do 41 months in prison.
03:26:58.000 That's not bad.
03:26:59.000 Good behavior.
03:26:59.000 He's got three years.
03:27:00.000 Not for treason?
03:27:01.000 That's pretty good.
03:27:02.000 And he must pay $2,000 in restitution.
03:27:04.000 Back in the day, treason was hanging.
03:27:08.000 Oh, yeah. 0.98
03:27:09.000 Hang him up. 1.00
03:27:10.000 What's fucked is, like, how many of those guys got talked into going into the White House? 1.00
03:27:15.000 And how many agents were telling people, get in there and take back what's yours? 0.98
03:27:21.000 Roy, Roy, what's that guy's name?
03:27:22.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that guy.
03:27:23.000 Did anything ever happen with that?
03:27:25.000 Mm-mm.
03:27:25.000 Nothing?
03:27:26.000 No.
03:27:27.000 No.
03:27:27.000 He said he wasn't in it.
03:27:28.000 If I'm trying to sneak drugs out of the plane, all my friends tell me it's fine.
03:27:33.000 But didn't he not get in trouble?
03:27:35.000 Didn't he also not even...
03:27:37.000 Yeah, no, he didn't get trouble.
03:27:38.000 So they were like, no, he's not one of us, but also no charges?
03:27:43.000 Yeah, exactly.
03:27:45.000 I'm just saying, we gotta get in there.
03:27:46.000 And everyone was like, you're a fed.
03:27:48.000 Yeah.
03:27:48.000 Like, there's videos of him the night before being like, we gotta get into that building.
03:27:52.000 And dudes that are like, alt-right dudes are like, no. 1.00
03:27:56.000 You're a fucking fed. 1.00
03:27:57.000 He's like, I'm not a fed. 1.00
03:27:58.000 Come on, guys.
03:27:59.000 Let's break in.
03:28:00.000 Alex Jones was out there with a bullhorn telling people not to go in.
03:28:04.000 Really?
03:28:05.000 And they hate him.
03:28:05.000 He was saying, it's a trick.
03:28:06.000 It's a trap.
03:28:07.000 They're trying to get you to go in there.
03:28:08.000 Don't do it.
03:28:09.000 Don't go in there.
03:28:10.000 It's peculiar.
03:28:12.000 I think now that we've had a couple drinks, we should discuss it.
03:28:14.000 It is peculiar.
03:28:16.000 It is interesting, that's all.
03:28:17.000 Well, there's so many instances, like the Gretchen Whitmer thing.
03:28:21.000 Michigan, right?
03:28:22.000 Yeah, the governor of Michigan.
03:28:23.000 Oh, and like 11?
03:28:24.000 Yeah, all of them.
03:28:25.000 14 people, 12 of them were FBI informants. 0.99
03:28:29.000 They tricked two dumb guys. 0.99
03:28:30.000 Yeah, tricked two dumb guys who were going to jail forever. 1.00
03:28:32.000 12 FBI informants tricked two dumb guys. 0.99
03:28:34.000 So guys can say, see, our politicians are under attack, we have to do something. 0.99
03:28:37.000 It's like, they never would have done anything.
03:28:39.000 You guys literally formed the idea.
03:28:42.000 You came up with the idea.
03:28:43.000 You instigated it.
03:28:44.000 You formed the plan.
03:28:45.000 They planned it all out.
03:28:46.000 We might have talked about this before.
03:28:49.000 There's a documentary.
03:28:50.000 It was on Amazon.
03:28:51.000 It was about these dudes in Miami.
03:28:53.000 There was like six black dudes that got roped in by an FBI informant. 0.96
03:28:58.000 They were trying to have a construction business, and the guy was like, he's an FBI informant, he gets 100k for everybody he fucking brings in. 0.98
03:29:06.000 Wow.
03:29:06.000 He was like, what if we, my uncle's Osama bin Laden, do you want to meet him?
03:29:11.000 They're from fucking Dade County. 0.98
03:29:13.000 They're like, yeah, I don't, yeah. 1.00
03:29:15.000 Sure.
03:29:15.000 And then he's like, alright.
03:29:17.000 And they have hidden cameras, and they're interviewing just a dumb dude from Dade County, and they're like, what do you want to do? 0.97
03:29:23.000 What's your terrorist plan? 0.97
03:29:24.000 And the guy's like... 0.65
03:29:25.000 We're going to blow up Chicago.
03:29:28.000 Really?
03:29:29.000 Yeah, Liberty City 7. Wow.
03:29:32.000 So they went to jail? 1.00
03:29:33.000 I think they went to fucking Guantanamo. 1.00
03:29:36.000 What? 1.00
03:29:36.000 I'd love to see Shane's Google search when he's drunk at home alone. 1.00
03:29:40.000 I've never heard of this one before.
03:29:41.000 This is preposterous, dude.
03:29:43.000 Whoa! 0.71
03:29:44.000 Wow!
03:29:46.000 Haitian voodoo.
03:29:47.000 What is a syncretic view?
03:29:49.000 They missed Judaism, Christianity, and a little bit of Islam.
03:29:53.000 There was one of them that was like a black Israelite, kind of.
03:29:58.000 But so they just instigated these guys and talked to them into doing things like they do with everybody.
03:30:02.000 They instigated them and they were like, literally they were like, we have no idea what this is.
03:30:05.000 We're trying to get $100,000 from these dudes.
03:30:07.000 Crazy how many times people have done this.
03:30:10.000 Oh, there they are. 1.00
03:30:11.000 Yeah, they're just regular fucking dudes. 1.00
03:30:12.000 They just talked to them and said, we're going to blow up Chicago. 0.99
03:30:15.000 Yeah, he was like, 162 months in prison. 1.00
03:30:20.000 Holy shit. 1.00
03:30:22.000 Did nothing. 1.00
03:30:23.000 They did nothing wrong.
03:30:24.000 12 months in prison.
03:30:28.000 35 years of supervised release.
03:30:31.000 With any members of Al Qaeda they know of.
03:30:32.000 The answer that is no.
03:30:34.000 Look at that case.
03:30:36.000 162 months in prison followed by 35 years of supervised release.
03:30:41.000 Make sure no more terrorist attacks.
03:30:43.000 35 years.
03:30:44.000 It's a check-in.
03:30:45.000 I'd like to meet Bin Laden. 1.00
03:30:46.000 You know, if he said, hey, you want to meet him, I'd go, I'd like to meet him.
03:30:49.000 Yeah, for sure.
03:30:50.000 Most of them would be out by now almost.
03:30:52.000 For sure.
03:30:52.000 They're all out.
03:30:53.000 Everyone except for him would be out. 1.00
03:30:55.000 They got fucked. 0.99
03:30:56.000 Where's their podcast? 1.00
03:30:57.000 If you watch the video, there's like, it's, they're dumb. 1.00
03:31:00.000 They're just dumb. 1.00
03:31:01.000 They just got talked into it. 1.00
03:31:02.000 And also, they're just young, unsophisticated, don't know what's going on, don't know they're getting roped into it. 0.99
03:31:08.000 And there's a dumb FBI informant. 1.00
03:31:10.000 The FBI informant's a fucking idiot. 1.00
03:31:12.000 He's just a dumb guy that's like, I get paid to get people captured. 1.00
03:31:16.000 How crazy is that? 1.00
03:31:17.000 That's an incentive program.
03:31:19.000 There's an incentive.
03:31:21.000 Financial incentive.
03:31:22.000 There's an incentive to be like, we stopped the terrorist plot. 1.00
03:31:23.000 Meanwhile, it's fucking seven dudes from Miami that are morons that never would have done anything. 1.00
03:31:28.000 What are you talking about? 1.00
03:31:29.000 Look at this.
03:31:29.000 Question.
03:31:30.000 Did any of these men have actual contact with any members of Al-Qaeda that you know of?
03:31:34.000 The answer is no.
03:31:36.000 Question.
03:31:36.000 Did they have any means to carry out this plot?
03:31:39.000 I mean, did you find any explosive weapons, Attorney General?
03:31:42.000 You raise a good point.
03:31:44.000 We took action when we had enough evidence.
03:31:47.000 Question.
03:31:48.000 Was there anything against the Sears Tower other than this one apparent just kind of mention of the Sears Tower?
03:31:54.000 It doesn't look like they even took pictures of FBI, director of FBI. One of the individuals was familiar with the Sears Tower, had worked in Chicago, and was familiar with the tower.
03:32:05.000 But in terms of plans, it was more aspirational than operational.
03:32:09.000 He should have heard his plan.
03:32:10.000 Unbelievable.
03:32:10.000 He was like, the Sears Tower.
03:32:12.000 They're like, that's the biggest building in the world.
03:32:14.000 He's like, exactly.
03:32:16.000 That was the whole plan. 1.00
03:32:18.000 It literally was like fucking... 0.99
03:32:20.000 It was like those kung fu instructors from the... 0.99
03:32:22.000 And he used like cups on the table.
03:32:26.000 He was like, we're gonna blow this part of the city up and then there's gonna be a tidal wave. 0.99
03:32:29.000 It's gonna fucking kill everybody. 0.99
03:32:31.000 And they were like, alright, we got them. 1.00
03:32:32.000 Look at this.
03:32:33.000 A lot of big shows have been made of the militaristic boots they had.
03:32:36.000 It turns out the FBI bought them the boots.
03:32:38.000 Wow.
03:32:40.000 Wow.
03:32:40.000 Yikes.
03:32:41.000 It was one of the biggest pieces of evidence.
03:32:42.000 The group might have taken pictures of a bunch of targets in South Florida, but the guys couldn't afford their own cameras, so the federal government bought them the cameras.
03:32:51.000 They couldn't afford their own cameras?
03:32:52.000 How are they going to blow up a building?
03:32:53.000 The federal government rented the cars that they needed to get downtown in order to take the pictures.
03:32:59.000 In addition, the men provided the FBI informant with a list of things they needed in order to blow up these buildings.
03:33:05.000 The FBI's like, can you do anything on your own?
03:33:07.000 But in the list, they didn't include any explosives or any materials which could be used to make explosives.
03:33:15.000 So everyone in Liberty City is joking.
03:33:19.000 Everyone in Liberty City was joking that the guys were going to kick down the FBI building with their new boots.
03:33:25.000 Aye, aye, aye. 1.00
03:33:26.000 Fuck. 1.00
03:33:26.000 It's pretty sad. 1.00
03:33:27.000 Yeah.
03:33:28.000 It is pretty sad.
03:33:29.000 Can't believe I have to piss again.
03:33:30.000 Oh, yeah.
03:33:30.000 I'm still going strong.
03:33:31.000 Let's get that piss and then we'll wrap it up. 1.00
03:33:33.000 I haven't pissed yet.
03:33:34.000 We should wrap it up now.
03:33:35.000 It's 6 o'clock.
03:33:36.000 You sure?
03:33:36.000 Plus.
03:33:36.000 Plus.
03:33:37.000 Get something to eat.
03:33:38.000 Yeah.
03:33:40.000 Plugs?
03:33:40.000 Plugs.
03:33:41.000 I haven't pissed.
03:33:42.000 That's pretty good.
03:33:43.000 Mark, man, congratulations.
03:33:44.000 I got the Beacon Theater March 24th.
03:33:46.000 Hell yeah! 0.95
03:33:47.000 Followed by an entire European tour at the end of April. 0.99
03:33:50.000 Glasgow, London, Manchester, then all through fucking Romania. 0.97
03:33:53.000 AriShafir.com. 0.99
03:33:54.000 AriShafir.com for all those tickets.
03:33:56.000 You got that right.
03:33:56.000 Mark Norman, where you at?
03:33:57.000 Hey, I'm all over the road.
03:33:59.000 I don't know when this comes out.
03:34:00.000 Special guest Dan Soder.
03:34:01.000 Theater tour announcing this summer.
03:34:05.000 Going to Australia, UK. I'm coming to your town.
03:34:09.000 We're all over the place.
03:34:10.000 MarkNormanComedy.com, We Might Be Drunk, Get Bodega Cat, Tuesdays with Stories. 0.98
03:34:14.000 Damn, you got a good website. 0.89
03:34:15.000 That's a good website. 0.99
03:34:16.000 Oh, you like that?
03:34:17.000 All right.
03:34:18.000 Solid.
03:34:18.000 Stinks.
03:34:19.000 Solid. 0.88
03:34:19.000 All right. 0.88
03:34:20.000 Hire his guy.
03:34:21.000 I'm in Jersey soon.
03:34:23.000 I'm really running through the mud.
03:34:24.000 Look at these rooms. 0.99
03:34:25.000 I'm really kicking my own ass here. 1.00
03:34:27.000 Look at you. 1.00
03:34:29.000 You're going to the fucking cold places in the winter. 1.00
03:34:32.000 Exactly. 0.99
03:34:32.000 She's getting hard reps for her special. 0.99
03:34:34.000 Bad people, dead inside.
03:34:37.000 Come on out, say hello, queef it up, praise Allah. 0.92
03:34:40.000 Shane Gillis?
03:34:42.000 Gillian Keeves is on Amazon.
03:34:43.000 We just got that up.
03:34:45.000 That's pretty neat.
03:34:45.000 That's fun.
03:34:46.000 We're going to add some shows to this. 1.00
03:34:48.000 Yeah, your fucking website sucks, dude. 1.00
03:34:49.000 My website does suck. 1.00
03:34:51.000 Comparison to New Orleans. 0.99
03:34:52.000 Queen Elizabeth is great.
03:34:53.000 That's a good theater.
03:34:53.000 I don't know any of this.
03:34:55.000 Minneapolis.
03:34:56.000 Yeah, check them out.
03:34:57.000 Toronto.
03:34:58.000 Go out to Canada, huh?
03:34:58.000 Love it on Saturday.
03:34:59.000 It's a good place to get stabbed.
03:35:00.000 Oh, but me, Big J, Nick Mullen, and Tim Dillon are doing two shows. 0.64
03:35:06.000 We're doing one in the Giant Center in Hershey, PA, and then one of them's in South Carolina.
03:35:11.000 I forget where it is.
03:35:12.000 Greenville.
03:35:13.000 Greenville, maybe.
03:35:14.000 South Carolina.
03:35:15.000 Is it on your website?
03:35:17.000 No.
03:35:17.000 No.
03:35:17.000 But it's coming.
03:35:18.000 Okay, when are you going to announce that?
03:35:20.000 I don't know.
03:35:21.000 Instagram?
03:35:22.000 Shane Gillis? 0.99
03:35:22.000 Yeah, we've got to come up with a dumb name for it. 0.99
03:35:24.000 The Four Bottoms. 0.97
03:35:25.000 My name and my current tour is the Many People Believe that Tony Hinchcliffe is a Gay Tour.
03:35:29.000 Ah, now we're talking.
03:35:31.000 How many?
03:35:33.000 What's the number?
03:35:34.000 Many people?
03:35:37.000 It's just percentage.
03:35:38.000 78. That's it.
03:35:43.000 Goodbye, everybody.
03:35:44.000 I don't think we need to do any editing on this one.
03:35:46.000 This episode was brought to you by Igloo Coolers.
03:35:48.000 Guys, if you've got to throw up in a cooler, choose Igloo. 0.99
03:35:50.000 It's the best coolers to hold in your vomit.
03:35:52.000 What about the Whip?
03:35:53.000 You want to shout out the Whip It brand?
03:35:54.000 Shout out Whippets. 1.00
03:35:55.000 If you look at Whippets, get N2O Cream Chargers.
03:35:58.000 The best, cleanest Whippets you can find in the market today.
03:36:01.000 It really says Whippet on it.
03:36:02.000 Really?
03:36:03.000 Like, are they designed for Whippets? 1.00
03:36:04.000 Oh, wow.
03:36:05.000 It calls it Whippet Cartridge.
03:36:07.000 That's crazy.
03:36:08.000 Like, they're encouraging people to take Whippets.
03:36:10.000 Don't forget your crackers.
03:36:12.000 You can't call them that, or they won't serve you?
03:36:14.000 He's just like, no, we're not doing this.
03:36:16.000 At alleaterfree.com, get your genuine crackers.
03:36:18.000 You guys rule.
03:36:19.000 Bye, everybody.
03:36:20.000 Much love.
03:36:21.000 Bye.