Joe Rogan Experience #1946 - Protect Our Parks 7
Episode Stats
Length
3 hours and 36 minutes
Words per Minute
197.87842
Hate Speech Sentences
222
Summary
Comedian Joe Rogan is back from a night out in Key West, Florida. He talks about his trip to the strip club, how he got into drugs, and what it's like to be a stand-up comedian in the big city. He also talks about how he almost got into a fight with a woman at a strip club. And, of course, he talks about why he doesn t care about the future, and why he wants to move from Texas to Florida. Joe is a comedian, writer, and podcaster from Los Angeles, California. He's been in comedy for a long time and has a great sense of humor, which makes him perfect for this episode. He's also a good friend of mine, and I think he's one of the funniest people I've ever met. I hope you enjoy this episode, and if you like it, please leave us a review on Apple Podcasts and tell a friend about it. We'd love to hear what you think of it! XOXO, Joe xoxo Music by Jeff Kaale ( ) Logo by Courtney DeKorte ( ) Artwork by Ian Dorsch ( ) Music by Kevin McLeod ( ) Editor by Will Witwer ( ) and Alex Blumberg ( ) Produced by Matt Knott ( ) Audio Engineer by Matthew Boll ( ) Additional mixing and mastering by Ian McKellen ( ) Logo by Will McElroy ( ) Thanks to Ian McKee ( ) for the production assistance ( ) Thank you for the intro and Outro music ( ) by Joe Roganservice ( ) by Jake Miller ( and Mark ( , ) and by ( & ) ( ) & is by ) ( ) ( ), and , and . in this episode ( and ) is & ( ) is a tribute to on this episode's music is by Brian ( ) . (and , is . . and our logo by . ) and the . ( ) in this week's cover art by , ( ) , ( ] ) is (featuring . , , & ( ), / ( & , , ) in the song ? ( ) or # ( . & . ) on the song( )
Transcript
00:00:06.000
Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day.
00:00:56.000
I got home, I've been requiring myself to write for at least one hour when I get home.
00:01:12.000
Sometimes when I just get off stage, your juices are still flowing.
00:01:20.000
It's like every now and then you get the one jam out of ten.
00:01:29.000
Well, we got like seven different drugs going around.
00:02:59.000
Florida's where you move to when everything goes terrible.
00:03:03.000
If everything goes bad in Texas, you move to Florida.
00:03:12.000
And everything slides into oblivion, you go to Florida.
00:03:15.000
Florida's like the last stand before you just move to South America.
00:03:20.000
Before you get a compound in Mexico, you go to Florida.
00:03:47.000
The people there must be just so fucking loose.
00:03:49.000
They're devoid of any sort of fashion or trying to stick with anybody.
00:03:54.000
I saw three cops in action, and all of them were trying to get an old lady from the street to the sidewalk.
00:04:31.000
Typewriters there and shit, like that kind of deal?
00:04:42.000
Yeah, and they're like, this might have also led his...
00:04:51.000
Can't tell, because I loved Hemingway, but he also seems kind of like a douche.
00:04:56.000
There's a part of that that's annoying, where he's like, I'll fight anybody on this island.
00:05:09.000
They feel like they have to do something like that to be legit.
00:05:29.000
That'd be a bummer to get your ass whooped by Neil deGrasse.
00:05:38.000
When men ate mostly oats, they looked like that.
00:06:01.000
I mean, after this one's over, I probably won't do it again.
00:06:22.000
Gentlemen, I look forward to this more than almost there it is.
00:07:11.000
Then we walk by the river, there's fucking just homeless dudes living.
00:07:19.000
Doesn't it bother you how much Ari loves, like, nature?
00:07:29.000
Let's go to the park and just sit in the grass.
00:07:33.000
He's got to be in the ground soon with his age.
00:07:44.000
There's all these photos of coyotes in Central Park.
00:07:50.000
Like as they get persecuted, they move out and branch out their territory.
00:08:02.000
They're like the one animal, like when they have kai wolves, like when a coyote and a wolf breed, it's always a red wolf.
00:08:10.000
So the western wolves, the gray wolves, the ones that they killed off, and then they're bringing them back because they're idiots.
00:08:15.000
They're bringing them back from Canada, like reintroducing wolves.
00:08:23.000
So the coyotes, when the wolves were killing them, they would have more babies.
00:08:27.000
So the females, whenever they do roll call and they scream out in the night, if one of them is missing, it causes the female to have extra pups.
00:08:35.000
Yeah, there's a great book called Coyote America by Dan Flores.
00:08:42.000
You hear it when they get something, they all like...
00:08:52.000
All of a sudden, I heard some fucking dogs screaming in the backyard.
00:08:56.000
They were just in my parents' backyard screaming.
00:08:59.000
And I went outside, and they were circling my cat.
00:09:09.000
I watched a coyote jump over my back fence with a chicken in its mouth.
00:09:14.000
It was like, you know, I guess like a six foot high fence.
00:09:19.000
Just bing to the top of the fence, paws on the top, over the fence.
00:09:32.000
But these coyotes just go in and out like it's nothing.
00:09:42.000
Yeah, I didn't know they were in Central Park, I guess.
00:10:18.000
Well, that's what they do in L.A. They clean up the rats in L.A. They're a reason why we're not infested.
00:10:25.000
You think about all the fucking garbage that's on the floor in L.A., on the streets.
00:10:35.000
When I was with Stan Hope, me and him were drinking.
00:10:49.000
They don't have such good vision, but neither do regular wild pigs.
00:10:58.000
If you pause, like if you're sneaking up on one, you just pause, they give up on looking at you.
00:11:06.000
I shot one of those in South Texas a couple months ago.
00:11:24.000
Their teeth sharpen as they open and close their mouth.
00:11:27.000
Their teeth rub against each other like two blades, like sharpening.
00:11:56.000
I was in a safari, and a leopard walked by the jeep, and I went, holy shit.
00:12:02.000
And we were like, and he was salivating like crazy, and then 20 seconds later in a bush you hear, and he went and fucked it.
00:12:23.000
But Safari's crazy because the lions will walk right by you.
00:12:30.000
She's trying to take photos from the car with the windows rolled down, and the cat reaches in and grabs her and pulls her out of the car.
00:12:39.000
She's in the backseat of a car, and they tell you to keep your windows rolled up.
00:12:43.000
And she just decides to roll it down to take photos, and this lion just pulls her out of the car.
00:12:48.000
You saw the one with the Asian guy screaming at his wife.
00:12:53.000
She gets out of the car in a fucking tiger park to scream.
00:13:15.000
When you see, like, cats can't help themselves, man.
00:13:21.000
She's like, you motherfucker, I fucking told you, I saw your DMs.
00:13:31.000
So she's yelling, and other people are stopping, and then you realize, out of nowhere, too late.
00:13:38.000
So he runs after it, and then the mom gets out, and she's the one who gets killed.
00:13:47.000
Imagine how, like, why did I raise this crazy lady?
00:13:51.000
I raised a crazy person who gets out in a fucking car, screaming at tigers.
00:14:04.000
When they eat your foot off first, I'm still alive.
00:14:15.000
And then Ling Ling will run up and eat her and her mom.
00:14:22.000
There's some people that would just yell at you in traffic.
00:14:25.000
I had a girlfriend who followed me because she said, if I got out of the car in the rain, you would come out and chase me, right?
00:14:30.000
I'd respect your decision to get out of the car.
00:14:36.000
I had that happen when I was 21. I was dating this girl and she got mad.
00:14:42.000
So I pulled over and let her out of the car and she got out of the car and I drove home.
00:14:48.000
She goes, why the fuck did you just leave me there?
00:14:49.000
I go, you told me you wanted to get out of the car.
00:14:54.000
Say no, don't get out of the car, other adult that I'm talking to?
00:15:12.000
Just someone yelling at you, like, let me out of the car.
00:15:20.000
As soon as you listen, then you listen to your own music.
00:15:25.000
I was in a car accident with her, and I had a Whitesnake cassette in my car, and she made me leave it in the car.
00:15:39.000
She was like, you shouldn't be listening to that.
00:16:02.000
I mean, look man, if you can't appreciate a good fucking Whitesnake video, It's fun.
00:16:26.000
It's like, don't fucking kick that hornet's nest.
00:16:31.000
You're just going to empower them to go harder.
00:16:37.000
They made an official statement that we are angry.
00:16:44.000
It's exactly what they were making fun of him for.
00:16:50.000
Someone wanted a lot of attention and now they got it.
00:16:55.000
We want privacy and they keep going on every magazine.
00:17:00.000
Yeah, the Babylon Bee went after him too for that.
00:17:23.000
And then the wife convinces you to leave the royal family.
00:17:29.000
Which is crazy, because don't you just get free money?
00:17:45.000
Before you're like, you don't get a check anymore.
00:18:02.000
Then I saw one episode of that dumb crown show, and it was the queen bitching about how her fucking private yacht is too old and they're gonna have to do renovations.
00:18:12.000
I got to play with my girlfriend about that show.
00:18:36.000
You know, you go to Northern Ireland, and they still have cars that are set up for bombs.
00:18:43.000
They had cars that were, like, the entire car was covered in metal.
00:18:52.000
They're, like, because they might have to deal with the IRA. Like, this is not that long ago.
00:18:57.000
It was there, like, 2000-ish, somewhere in the 2000s, like, 2005, 2006 or something like that we were over there.
00:19:04.000
So, like, even back then they had these cars that were armored.
00:19:10.000
And, you know, when you talk to people and they talk to you about, like, the horrors that they had, the war between the Protestants and the Catholics.
00:19:20.000
But it just shows you, people can other people so easy.
00:19:27.000
Yeah, like, your religion's illegal, your music's illegal, everything.
00:19:43.000
Well, the Irish are fun because they don't get offended.
00:19:52.000
You can call them drunk pedophiles all you want and they have to just take it.
00:20:01.000
Isn't it funny because you never see like a Native American with a Chiefs tattoo.
00:20:10.000
I had a conversation with a guy in a bar in Belfast.
00:20:17.000
When you're in Belfast, they barely speak English.
00:20:23.000
And this guy, all he was saying to me, we were both hammered.
00:20:47.000
Them and the Scottish, even the British, they all go so fucking hard.
00:20:54.000
They love coke, they love molly, they know how to deal with the fentanyl shit like we do.
00:21:01.000
Apparently over there, even a lot of the royals are partying.
00:21:05.000
A lot of the politicians party, like everybody knows, like Boris, what's his name, the guy that's out now?
00:21:18.000
That was like the thing about him is that he partied.
00:21:23.000
He said no party, he goes, you're right, everybody party.
00:21:40.000
Didn't they have a new lady and she quit quick?
00:21:47.000
When we were over there, the lady had just quit.
00:21:49.000
She was whatever they are, their queen, king, prime minister.
00:21:52.000
It's so funny hearing about their politics and you're like, I don't care at all about it.
00:21:59.000
Well, we're the weirdos that have the bombs that we've launched.
00:22:06.000
Kardashian, the Kanye's, I mean, we got the best stuff.
00:22:12.000
Yeah, and it's also, we have, like, free speech.
00:22:19.000
If you were looking at us from another country's perspective, you're like, what a fucking crazy place.
00:22:34.000
What percentage of celebrities come out of America worldwide?
00:22:43.000
There's like three Chinese stars that ever got known here.
00:22:47.000
Yeah, they're huge over there, but like Jackie Chan, Bruce Lee.
00:23:10.000
Yeah, and if we have a panda on our soil, they get it.
00:23:25.000
After a change of policy in 84, pandas were leased instead of gifted.
00:23:51.000
Yeah, if there's an animal that represents America, it's funny that it's an eagle.
00:23:55.000
Because eagles are, it's kind of a fucking soulless, evil creature.
00:24:25.000
Is that true that America's national animal was a pit bull at one point in time?
00:24:37.000
That guy goes down some conspiracy rabbit holes.
00:24:41.000
Yeah, he goes down some conspiracy rabbit holes.
00:24:43.000
Those dudes that grew up in Cuba, the guys that come from Cuba, they don't want to hear any fucking socialism bullshit.
00:24:52.000
All those people that came out of those Eastern Bloc countries that have experienced actual real communism, they're like, shut the fuck up.
00:25:02.000
Like, people whose family came from that part of the world where communism was real and it ruined everything and killed everybody, they're like, hey, you fucking idiots, you have no idea what you're calling for, what you're asking for, and what the history of this is worldwide.
00:25:21.000
They're all convinced they're gonna do it right.
00:25:23.000
Not only not a success story, but like horrific.
00:25:41.000
And there's a guy, they bring all the people in the town in, and this guy's like, look, everything's under control.
00:25:45.000
And one guy in the town's like, why is the air glowing?
00:25:48.000
And they're like, get him the fuck out of here.
00:25:56.000
Yeah, I mean, do you see the videos of people throwing rocks into the water just to see the oil slicks that pool up?
00:26:03.000
Because they're saying that, you know, it only went a certain distance away from the actual spill site.
00:26:08.000
But people are way far away, and they're experiencing dead animals, dead birds, dead pets, and then people are throwing rocks into rivers, and you see these big, huge, like, chemical circles where the water gets disturbed,
00:26:34.000
Well, he's definitely the most qualified job guy for the job, so yeah.
00:26:39.000
I mean he's definitely not there for any other reason other than he's amazing.
00:26:50.000
Is there a party Ari as a Jew that's like, yeah, fuck Palestine.
00:26:57.000
When I started reading that story, I was like, wait, what?
00:27:13.000
They keep every fucking day, there's like some new explosion in a factory now.
00:27:19.000
Is it the effect of like the news is just showing it to you because these things happen all the time?
00:27:24.000
But Jamie hit me with a- Jamie, tell me that- say that weird one you said.
00:27:34.000
It says no injuries, but- Uranium fire, holy shit.
00:27:41.000
He was like, the two main food sources in the entire world is Ukraine and the Midwest.
00:27:46.000
He's like, now there's a chemical fucking spill in the Midwest.
00:27:49.000
Sometimes when I see a lot of stories about the same thing, chemical spill, nuclear stuff, it's like, I feel like they're prepping us for some level of like, hey, we're going to change the laws on this.
00:28:01.000
They start pushing every shooting at a Seattle bar.
00:28:09.000
Well, there's definitely been times in history where they've done things like that, like where they've blown things up on purpose.
00:28:18.000
They do false flags to get people to panic and then they create new laws to clamp down on them.
00:28:25.000
That's a real standard practice that dictators use.
00:28:37.000
That's like why all the fucking checks and balances are in place in the way the government is run.
00:28:42.000
Like, to prevent that kind of shit from happening, because it happens everywhere people get into power.
00:28:47.000
So you have to have, like, people are like, well, if the Republicans can control the House, like, no, there has to be fighting.
00:28:53.000
If they're not fighting, they would be, it would be way worse.
00:28:56.000
If they were all in agreement, It would be fucking terrible for all of us, because they would all eventually pass laws that would give them more and more power.
00:29:06.000
Well, that was the point of the Second Amendment.
00:29:08.000
It was just, hey, we need the guns in case the government comes at us.
00:29:11.000
It's funny that people don't want to believe that.
00:29:13.000
It's just, pay attention to the rest of the world whenever something happens and people have to be locked in their homes.
00:29:22.000
Over here they're like, yeah, I don't like you telling me what to do.
00:29:36.000
Yeah, they sanded over all the skate parks during COVID. Remember that shit?
00:29:46.000
But it's just so bizarre how quickly it shifted.
00:30:03.000
When he says he saw that alien that one time, that kind of bothered me.
00:30:08.000
He said he saw something that was in a chair and then these men were facing it.
00:30:15.000
The way he's described it is like, it could have been a doll.
00:30:21.000
It could have been they were trying to figure out what size these things are.
00:30:24.000
He goes, I'm literally walking by looking at something in a 12 by 8 window.
00:30:31.000
We shouldn't talk about it until something happens.
00:30:37.000
We do this Ecuador thing where you take an effigy, put a straw in a shirt and jeans, and you light it on fire and jump over it.
00:30:53.000
They were like, we got to report somebody's burning a body alive.
00:31:04.000
When they would go to Moloch the Owl God, when all the fucking elites like fucking Nixon and Ford and Reagan, they would go to this Bohemian Grove, and one of the things they would do is they would burn this effigy that was supposed to represent a body.
00:31:17.000
They were all dressed like druids and shit in front of this video of it.
00:31:26.000
He was talking about how the people behave there.
00:31:29.000
Apparently these guys would go there and just fuck each other.
00:31:31.000
And it was in Northern California, which is, you know, there's a lot of gay folk up in that region of the world.
00:31:40.000
And so this place was their spot where all these elites would go and they would party.
00:31:49.000
Yeah, pull up Nixon's account of Bohemian Grove.
00:32:15.000
It's clear all words, I don't have, but it isn't.
00:32:17.000
It isn't just down in the rapid part of town, but the upper class of San Francisco is that way.
00:32:23.000
The Bolivian Grove that I attend, one time to time, these years and the others have come there, but it is the most faggot man in the world.
00:32:38.000
I mean, don't shake hands with anybody from San Francisco.
00:32:42.000
I mean, I won't shake hands with anybody from San Francisco.
00:32:45.000
That place that they would go to, they would all dress up like they were druids.
00:33:09.000
There's a giant owl god statue and they burn this effigy in front of the giant owl god that's supposed to be representative of a sacrifice.
00:33:20.000
I mean, just go to Epstein's Island at this point.
00:33:27.000
There's probably a shitload of those places we don't know about yet.
00:33:32.000
Yeah, I mean, when did we learn about Epstein's Island?
00:33:33.000
I heard about it from Alex Jones ten years ago.
00:33:41.000
There's a place where they take politicians and movie stars and they compromise them with underage girls.
00:33:51.000
He said he got invited to a party early on in stand-up and there was somebody's house in the hills and it was all the top-level celebrities like Leo and everyone like that.
00:34:01.000
And then some guy's like, do you want to go in?
00:34:03.000
He goes, no, because if they ask me to get in the tub with them, I'm going to.
00:34:10.000
Jeffrey Epstein was accused of sex trafficking young girls on his mysterious private island over 40 years ago.
00:34:16.000
A different millionaire escaped justice in a stunningly similar case.
00:34:22.000
If you just think about it, if you want to get these world leaders on your side, the best way is to compromise them.
00:34:32.000
Videotapes fucking senators and getting hookers.
00:34:52.000
Man, if this camera catches my fat face, it could ruin you with that face.
00:35:03.000
How long before anyone could look at anybody's phone and all information, they can't stop it.
00:35:09.000
Technology has just reached this point where all data and all numbers are just available to everybody at every time.
00:35:29.000
Be able to see their temperature and shit go up.
00:35:32.000
Some people, when they're in relationships, they'll turn their location services on, so they're a significant other can track them wherever they are.
00:35:42.000
Yeah, I was like, dude, you gotta never, you gotta stop.
00:35:46.000
The owner of the Omaha Funny Bone does that with her kids.
00:35:51.000
It's one thing with your kids, but when you're doing it with your wife, or you're doing it with your, or, you know, it just seems crazy.
00:36:04.000
That would make me not want to be with someone.
00:36:17.000
They had a parent, and then they want a parent again.
00:36:41.000
I do do the old fish hook on the lady, and I'm just thinking about the subway pole and whatnot.
00:36:46.000
You fish hook your lady when you wash your hands first?
00:37:30.000
Some people, like, put on wigs and they play roles.
00:37:35.000
Some people pretend to be, like, the UPS driver delivering a package.
00:37:42.000
Yeah, and then when you're out of town, the actual fucking thing happens.
00:37:55.000
Do you want to fuck me, Tim, the guy who works Tuesdays?
00:38:00.000
Yeah, I've never been with a woman that was into any roleplaying or any, like, here's my fantasy.
00:38:10.000
Not the role-playing, but I would feel stupid dressing up as a busboy.
00:38:30.000
I'd like to role-play with my lady having some money.
00:38:36.000
That kind of relates when the lady has all the cash.
00:38:50.000
I paid for dinner and I was laying in bed last night and I was like, That's it, though.
00:38:56.000
Once you pay for dinner, it's like literally a five-minute period where people are like, thanks.
00:39:01.000
I was like, I'm just going to keep bringing it up.
00:39:04.000
The next day, I'll be like, man, that was an expensive dinner.
00:39:09.000
But you're good for the next few, because you got that one.
00:39:32.000
I'm gonna get shit to go, bring it on the plane.
00:39:39.000
No, but if there's a free green room stuff, he takes it.
00:40:05.000
It's like a soap that's designed for grapplers.
00:40:14.000
It's a special kind of soap that prevents you from getting staph infections and ringworm and shit like that.
00:40:25.000
You don't want to rub away all your natural oils.
00:40:34.000
And you know, there's certain stuff, like certain soaps, you're getting a lot of perfumes.
00:40:42.000
Hotel soap bars, they kind of dry your skin out sometimes.
00:40:56.000
I don't like that talk, and I'm not a part of it.
00:41:12.000
You know, they weren't even going to give him FEMA money until Trump decided to go down there.
00:41:17.000
I'm sure they would say, that's misinformation and propaganda, but they had denied them.
00:41:23.000
There's also the other side where the governor was like, I'm denying it.
00:41:31.000
Maybe the reason why is because they want liability from the company and the company to pay for everything.
00:41:38.000
Apparently the railroad that they were transporting those chemicals on was not set up for hazardous materials.
00:42:11.000
I'm always just happy when Ari's going to the actual restroom.
00:42:36.000
Like, I mean, the Kanye, I think people propped up the Jews for a second.
00:43:06.000
But he was, before Stop Asian Hate, his big special came out.
00:43:29.000
God, when he's fucking hitting you with the let's go hiking, let's fucking...
00:43:53.000
There's something about what you're saying that's resonating with me.
00:43:58.000
You know, it's like you can only do it for so long, but you pretend you like it.
00:44:01.000
Well, you've got to make it your personality if you cold plunge.
00:44:16.000
Who do you think that guy with a mustache is voting for?
00:44:52.000
Got a lot of trucks coming up with water, right?
00:45:04.000
I think it was a 95% voter rate for Trump in Ohio.
00:45:20.000
He's giving shout-outs to all the people that delivered water.
00:45:22.000
The new, the MAGA hats with the giant font is so fucking funny.
00:45:28.000
When I was in Mar-a-Lago, every dude there was wearing a flat brim, That said M-A-G-A, like a bedazzled MAGA hat.
00:45:44.000
As soon as I got in there, I was like, yo, this is it.
00:45:55.000
They came to my show, and we got drunk, and they're like, do you want to come to Mar-a-Lago?
00:46:00.000
The next day, they're like, all right, we'll pick you up.
00:46:03.000
They're like, we gotta get this guy on the list.
00:46:05.000
But yeah, then you get in there, and it's a bunch of old billionaires, like dudes.
00:46:22.000
And then everyone sits in that patio restaurant area and they're like, he might come out today.
00:46:39.000
Welcome to Mar-a-Lago, the crown jewel of Palm Beach.
00:46:54.000
We were talking about doing Protect Our Parks, if Trump would just set us up a studio.
00:47:04.000
We didn't even have to tell anybody we're there.
00:47:06.000
It's like a baby being led away from sacrifice.
00:47:17.000
It was something about, I forget what it is, he had like a giant flag in the front of it, and there was like laws saying your flag couldn't be that tall, so he elevated the land.
00:47:46.000
Yeah, I mean, in that area, everyone loves that guy.
00:48:00.000
Just seeing rich people, weird dudes wearing a MAGA hat.
00:48:09.000
It's a weird combination of formal dress and baseball hat.
00:48:17.000
Like, in terms of like a politician, like when he was on television, he had a bad hair day, just slap on the old MAGA hat.
00:48:28.000
If he was in a hat, it'd probably be like a cowboy hat.
00:48:34.000
Like George W. Wasn't George W. from Connecticut?
00:49:05.000
I don't know anything, but I've been watching...
00:49:06.000
Dude, on the plane I was watching the fucking...
00:49:28.000
I was living in San Francisco, and I remember thinking, thank God we're never going to do war again.
00:49:41.000
Dude, from day one, they were like, we're not going to win.
00:49:45.000
McNamara's in there with LBJ like, this is never going to work.
00:49:58.000
And I like, while watching this, I like drunk texted my uncle who got wounded in Vietnam.
00:50:09.000
And then he explained how he got hurt and it was like, whoa.
00:50:21.000
But it was 200 US soldiers surrounded by about 3,000 Viet Cong.
00:50:26.000
Or RVN. And then he was the forward observer that was calling in coordinates.
00:50:32.000
So they were all trying to get him They got him.
00:50:38.000
But he was the one up front calling in the gunships, calling the artillery.
00:50:51.000
Drang Valley Incident, 1965. Google Gillis Vietnam.
00:50:59.000
What's crazy is the Vietnamese don't even hate Americans.
00:51:08.000
It was the Battle of Hill 102, aka the Battle of Que Son Valley.
00:51:14.000
65 Americans killed, 200 Americans surrounded by 2,000.
00:51:27.000
He said, what happens is you enter a zone where you just shut down your emotions and focus on what you need to do to survive and protect your men.
00:51:34.000
There's enormous chaos, but you were acutely aware of everything.
00:51:42.000
He said, at one point there were waves of MVA running towards us, but my sole focus was to stop them from getting too close with a gunship known as Spooky.
00:51:52.000
Without the relentless stream of fire from Spooky, we would have been overrun.
00:51:57.000
Gunship saying fire to this area and they fucking light it up.
00:52:00.000
I was talking to him, he said, I was the forward observer, so my job was to keep artillery jet strikes and gunship fire raining down on the enemy.
00:52:08.000
That's why they were trying to get through me and take me out, which they eventually did, but I took a lot of them out first.
00:52:15.000
I was drinking, watching the documentary on my phone, like, damn.
00:52:29.000
My other uncle was in Vietnam and he never talks about it.
00:52:57.000
Not only a dumb war, but a dumb war that came about because of a false flag.
00:53:04.000
They lied about an incident to try to get us into the war.
00:53:12.000
That's like what we were talking about before with false flags.
00:53:23.000
Lesser known fact that Jim Morrison's father, Captain George Stephan Morrison, commanded the carrier division during the Gulf of Tonkin incident.
00:53:32.000
CIA. The Gulf of Tonkin incident famously gave the Johnson administration the justification they needed to escalate the Vietnam War.
00:53:43.000
And your dad comes break on through to the other side?
00:53:48.000
Yeah, he's making the music they're playing in the fucking helicopters.
00:54:02.000
The drop-off is so stark, the difference between music and automobile design.
00:54:09.000
Once they make drugs illegal, American automobile design turned into dog shit.
00:54:20.000
It was literally like the 71 model years, the last good year for muscle cars.
00:54:29.000
By the time they got to Camaro, 71, they were already fucked.
00:54:32.000
Mustang became in the 80s, became just a dumb hatchback.
00:54:37.000
Yeah, but back in the 60s, they were the most magnificent cars of all time.
00:54:44.000
69, but then once the Schedule I Drug Act happened in 1970, so you've got to realize in 1970, they're already making the 1971 model.
00:54:53.000
So you got the 1971, which is like the last good year.
00:54:58.000
Because Europe cars look great in the 60s and suck in the 70s.
00:55:03.000
Well, some of the best Porsches are like 73, 74. They had some amazing Porsches.
00:55:08.000
Then that little 911 that they made back then was so light.
00:55:13.000
He's got that beautiful little Beamer, that's 2002. Pull it up!
00:55:19.000
That's a 73, but that's the car that says Beamer.
00:55:26.000
Yeah, you're scooting around and it's almost like a smart car.
00:55:36.000
Someone was going to do those cars and put modern M2 engines in them.
00:55:47.000
And then I go, I have a Chevy Cruze, and then you go, let's get you a cool car.
00:56:14.000
But he's still removed from all social media, isn't he?
00:56:21.000
The company's like, hey, dude, just chill out for a minute.
00:56:34.000
It's like having a conversation with him, like dial him into a conversation.
00:56:37.000
It's like a volley, a back and forth volley is kind of difficult.
00:56:42.000
It doesn't sound like he would be like, how's the barbecue here?
00:57:03.000
Black Skinhead is one of the greatest fucking opening beats of any song ever.
00:57:06.000
That power that allowed him to create that kind of music is also what fucks him up with rants.
00:57:14.000
He winds up saying some things that are not really that thought out.
00:57:24.000
Do you think, like, the Adidas thing is the wildest shit ever?
00:57:47.000
Less than two weeks ago was revealed that German sportswear label could lose up to $1 billion in revenue as a result of the split.
00:57:54.000
According to the industry analysts gauging leftover stock, rumors are now suggesting that it all is not lost between the pair.
00:58:01.000
These rumblings are coming from ardent Yeezy fans wishing for their faves to reunite, not from Yee or Adidas themselves.
00:58:11.000
Also, it's gotta feel good for the Jewish community to be like, nah, these Germans are losing a fucking billion dollars.
00:58:22.000
He was out of line, but you guys were started by Nazis.
00:58:26.000
I lost a job over some racist tweet a long time ago about IBM. They were like, you can't do an IBM commercial.
00:58:32.000
And I'm like, you made processing to let the Jews get processed faster.
00:59:19.000
I used to do Whippets when I worked at Newport Creamery.
00:59:32.000
I heard somebody go, uh, one for ten, three for twenty?
00:59:45.000
What if that explodes and you lose your fingers?
00:59:56.000
Mike Rowland came by and he saw us on the stoop right by the cell.
00:59:58.000
He goes, like the older comics, he goes, are you guys doing whippets on a stoop?
01:00:14.000
I need to know because I'm considering doing it.
01:00:19.000
Well, I need to know if it gives you brain damage.
01:00:42.000
Researchers have made clear that Whippets can deprive the heart and brain of much-needed oxygen.
01:01:09.000
This is gonna be a Guinness record for the oldest Jew to do a whippet.
01:01:29.000
Memory loss, vitamin B depletion, long-term depletion causes brain and nerve damage.
01:01:44.000
Using nitrous can have serious health consequences including seizures, permanent nerve damage and even death.
01:02:37.000
You don't feel like it gave you any brain damage?
01:02:41.000
No, I'm going to light it up for somebody else.
01:03:02.000
Okay, for years nitrous oxide has been used for quick highs, also known as laughing gas, whippets, or whomps among students.
01:03:25.000
You're gonna make me hold it and then you're gonna call me gay and I'm gonna do it.
01:03:41.000
The last thing I want to do is have a seizure on the fucking Joe Rogan.
01:03:45.000
If we lost Norman because of this, a major enabler of Whippet uses accessibility.
01:03:51.000
The minimum age requirement to purchase a whipped cream charger is either 18 or 21, depending on the state.
01:03:58.000
Women's whippets are widely available in areas where students frequent.
01:04:07.000
It says long-term use can lead to vitamin B12 deficiency, which also leads to neuropathies, numbness, trouble, walking, irritability, fatigue.
01:04:18.000
Yeah, but that's like if you're doing it every day.
01:04:41.000
Maybe we just, like, shit and put a video on them while they're doing it.
01:05:14.000
You guys are afraid of the gravity bombs if you're doing fucking whippets.
01:05:33.000
Anyway, my uncle was surrounded by fucking Charlie.
01:05:38.000
Did you ever talk to him about his transition period from coming back?
01:05:49.000
It's funny to talk about a serious subject while...
01:06:02.000
I just got real blurry and my brain went away for like two seconds.
01:06:15.000
Sal breathed a little bit in and he's like, it's not working.
01:06:38.000
Whoever came up with a balloon knot was nailed it.
01:06:40.000
You tried to show me your butt this morning, dude.
01:07:00.000
And then he was like, wait, wait, I want to show you.
01:07:41.000
The best was the early Legion of Skanks in the back door of the creek.
01:07:44.000
And they were like, Lewis, like, my asshole's terrible.
01:07:47.000
And then after they're like, oh, let's look at Lewis's asshole.
01:07:49.000
I'm like, what's it, Ari, why are you being quiet?
01:08:27.000
So what did your uncle do to, like, what was it like when he came back?
01:08:32.000
I think he came back and he had a very stressful job.
01:08:38.000
It's pretty, once I tell you what he did, it's specific.
01:08:45.000
Three Mile Island, he was at the World Trade Center, he was in Vietnam.
01:08:56.000
I think I was reading an article about it, because he's pretty popular.
01:09:00.000
And he was describing how his job was very stressful, because he worked in Wall Street.
01:09:06.000
And he thought he was like blaming all his stress on Wall Street, and then it was like clearly it was you got hit with a fucking RPG and almost died.
01:09:17.000
And then he went back to Vietnam and saw it and was like, oh, this is all of my problems.
01:09:31.000
I think he said he felt bad because he got wounded pretty severely.
01:09:42.000
But he was like, I was too reckless and now I'm not with my men.
01:10:00.000
And then he saw what happened and where he was.
01:10:08.000
They knew I was the guy calling in the airstrux.
01:10:35.000
Ironically, that's the name of the guy who shot him.
01:10:45.000
Apparently, Vietnam is one of the most amazing places to visit.
01:10:55.000
And then I went to the south, to some tiny town, away from backpackers.
01:11:16.000
Because it just talks about the senators who later came out and said, like, oh yeah, I killed like 50 innocent people once.
01:11:23.000
There was one senator that they were applauding him as a war hero, and then finally he just said, I have to come clean.
01:11:32.000
Yeah, he's like, I raped a bunch of people, killed a bunch of innocent people, we just went down and mowed out of it.
01:11:36.000
And he was like running on the fact that he's a hero.
01:11:38.000
And then he was like, oh, I have to see him do it.
01:11:40.000
Yeah, when Jamie comes back, we'll figure out who that guy was.
01:11:44.000
That Ken Burns Vietnam, though, is fucking wild.
01:11:51.000
Then once you get into it, it's like, god damn.
01:12:36.000
Jamie, can you look up whoever that senator was that told the story about how they were trying to make him out to be a hero in Vietnam, and he was like, I can't do this.
01:12:47.000
And he told his actual true story of what happened over there.
01:12:51.000
What about the Senators with the gay tap under the stall?
01:12:55.000
Oh, that was a thing that they were doing in, like, restrooms of, like, airports and shit, right?
01:13:14.000
Imagine having just, I don't care who's on the other end of the stall.
01:13:29.000
Oh, no, this is the guy that didn't actually serve in Vietnam.
01:13:45.000
Yeah, he was ran for, I think, what I remember from this memorial, he was a long-time senator.
01:13:55.000
He was a guy who said he was part of the, not the Rape of Nan King, some well-known thing.
01:13:59.000
He was like, that was me, that was all of my guys.
01:14:12.000
The Vietnamese government has accused Senator Bob Carrey.
01:14:36.000
But yeah, the gay code is nice, because you don't have to, like, hang out.
01:14:45.000
Lincoln and his troops served for 30 days to not see any action in the war.
01:15:25.000
I showered with Donald Trump at military school.
01:15:47.000
Dude, at ease, or at attention, my fucking fat head.
01:15:58.000
But then they saw me in the uniform and everyone was still kind of like, Jesus Christ.
01:16:04.000
Of course, my mom was like, you look so handsome.
01:16:16.000
And then right before things started going well, they were like, all right.
01:16:27.000
Because usually anytime I would go to a show, he'd be like, how much are they paying you?
01:16:38.000
Now I like to be like, Phil, guess how much money they pay me?
01:16:52.000
But could you imagine your kid wants to be a comic?
01:16:58.000
I'm trying to become a paid record at the comic store.
01:17:15.000
If your kid was going to do that, if your kid was going to go into comedy, what are the odds of success?
01:17:23.000
If your kid wants to be a lawyer, you're like, yeah, if you study hard, you can go to law school, you can actually be a lawyer.
01:17:29.000
But also, if you're a bad lawyer, it's not nearly as embarrassing as if you're a biotopic.
01:17:37.000
They came to a show where they were like one of 12 people in the audience.
01:17:43.000
My closing joke was like, would you rather get shot in the head or 69 with your dad?
01:17:56.000
Everybody wants to say you would never suck your dad's dick, but that gun comes out, you and your dad get awfully friendly.
01:18:18.000
Yeah, West Point was like three years before that.
01:18:21.000
If your parents are like fucking sober, normal people, and then you enter into that world, and you're talking that kind of shit on stage, Well, my dad's not a sober...
01:18:39.000
Talking about sucking your dad's dick on a fucking stage.
01:18:47.000
When I said that joke, I vividly remember my mom just goes, oh no!
01:19:02.000
And then my dad called two days later and was like, hey.
01:19:05.000
And I was like, if this is about comedy, I can't.
01:19:10.000
I'm just saying, everybody else is talking about stories.
01:19:36.000
But you should kill the whole time and then close with that 69 bit again.
01:19:49.000
I thought you were done with that fucking joke.
01:19:58.000
The only one they understood was SNL. Of course.
01:20:01.000
And I got to call them and be like, hey, I got SNL. And they're like, we're so proud.
01:20:05.000
We're going to be so happy for you for 14 hours.
01:20:15.000
And then now she gets to go tell all her friends whose kids are fucking orthodontists.
01:20:19.000
Like, so, your son's not better than the other son.
01:20:24.000
So they can brag and send their Christmas cards.
01:21:09.000
Whatever you do, don't play that terrible song.
01:21:13.000
I listen to Ari's podcast for music that I don't want to listen to.
01:21:45.000
Yeah, I remember being 20. With your backpack on.
01:22:26.000
This is what it sounds like when you walk into an Indian restaurant.
01:22:29.000
That's a song specifically designed to whip it to?
01:22:49.000
I'm not getting big enough balloons out of this.
01:23:02.000
I mean, I think high school kids champ this shit pretty easy.
01:23:18.000
Me and my friends who do comedy would play poker together.
01:23:22.000
All of a sudden they just were like, middle of we're playing poker, they just all broke out whippets.
01:23:37.000
I mean, I don't know the exact part where he's doing it.
01:23:41.000
It's bad when Knoxville's like, you gotta relax.
01:23:56.000
Jackass, when I was in Spain, Jackass made me so proud.
01:24:00.000
I saw people wearing Jackass t-shirts and I was like, damn.
01:24:04.000
I've almost grown up by laughing so hard at Jackass.
01:24:10.000
Every other comedy, you're like, oh, you guys are just trying to get to a percentage of Jackass.
01:24:27.000
Yeah, I mean, just the fucking sheer punishment those guys take.
01:24:34.000
The whole job was, I'm gonna get a donkey to kick at me, and you just get right up to him.
01:24:39.000
Yeah, that one's great when he's fucking shaking when he's walking towards him.
01:24:43.000
Didn't they stand blindfolded in front of bulls?
01:25:14.000
Steve-O was going to do it, but he understands that MMA guys punch really hard, and they tricked this guy.
01:25:19.000
They didn't tell him in Ghana he was going to come around the corner.
01:26:14.000
That's why I loved one of those things of somebody at some college campus was bitching at their student union for doing the banh mi sandwich, not the authentic way.
01:26:24.000
Some sort of Tabasco on it or something instead of like sriracha.
01:26:38.000
You know, some paper towel roll, you're on the wall, and you're both squatting, and he takes a giant vaporizer hit or whatever, and he blows it into your mouth while you stand up, and then you fall back down immediately?
01:26:55.000
Huge hit, and then as you come up, And it hits you so hard.
01:27:02.000
As you're standing up, so the oxygen goes away.
01:27:15.000
That was one of the things they did during NOM. They do it through rifles.
01:27:26.000
Imagine being high as fuck and also in Vietnam in the middle of the war going, what the fuck, man?
01:27:32.000
Yeah, so they did a shotgun where they literally opened up the barrel.
01:27:40.000
I like how they're not touching it with their mouth because they don't want to get herpes.
01:27:45.000
They don't want to be sucking on that gun in front of everybody.
01:27:52.000
Imagine being like super paranoid and high as fuck and you're in the jungle in Vietnam.
01:27:58.000
You realize you're in this stupid fucking war that makes no sense.
01:28:04.000
I'm shooting people with zero support behind it.
01:28:09.000
One of the reasons they won, they took over all the reasons that Vietnam won.
01:28:11.000
They were like, the Americans were like, I don't even want to be here.
01:28:18.000
And the Vietnamese are fighting for their home.
01:28:20.000
What about, you ever meet one of those guys who's like, you know, when 9-11 happened, they're like, I'm going over there.
01:28:30.000
He left being a fucking NFL star to go over there.
01:28:52.000
Because he was starting to see, like, oh, this is fucking pointless.
01:29:11.000
You changed the mood of everything when you read out your uncle's text.
01:29:17.000
The way he described it to it was amazing, too.
01:29:32.000
His brother that does TikToks and his wife, his annoying wife that screams.
01:29:36.000
Everyone hates on them and it actually makes me happy.
01:29:59.000
And then he's got a crazy wife and a brother up in the box, like, doing all this shit.
01:30:03.000
And his wife's up there, like, you thought you were gonna beat us?
01:30:10.000
Forcing everyone, like, birth to fucking be in a video.
01:30:22.000
The problem is they keep that same energy when you get divorced.
01:30:42.000
Well, especially when the FBI people are riling things up.
01:30:47.000
It just came out today that the FBI was involved in Black Lives Matter protests turning them violent.
01:31:12.000
501. Feds deliberately targeted BLM protesters to disrupt the movement, a report says.
01:31:31.000
FBI paid a violent felon to infiltrate Denver's radical justice movement.
01:31:41.000
They don't like these fucking movements and they go, you know what?
01:31:45.000
Just let's send in some people to smash some windows and light some shit on fire.
01:31:49.000
They're like, get in there, undercover cops, start fights, and then the other cops are going to be like, hey, they're fighting, we've got to break it up.
01:31:55.000
That's what they did with the World Trade Organization?
01:32:08.000
It was something to see because it was kind of new, all that kind of stuff.
01:32:11.000
Now we have a protest every 10 minutes, but that was fun to watch.
01:32:18.000
Also interesting that they were like, you guys did this.
01:32:21.000
We're just going to hover around where you work.
01:32:28.000
It was like the beginning of these kind of mass movements.
01:32:37.000
They weren't like breaking anybody's car windows or anything.
01:32:40.000
It was right when Obama won, so it was like a wacky time in New York.
01:32:51.000
The economy goes into the tank after the housing crisis.
01:32:57.000
So it's almost like there were white blood cells surrounding an infection.
01:33:07.000
Yeah, yeah, and they're just like calling attention.
01:33:09.000
Yeah, they're just like realizing there's something wrong with this.
01:33:20.000
Globally you make $34,000 in your top 1% of the world.
01:33:25.000
None of the people who are like against the 1% want to realize they're in the 1% of this country.
01:33:32.000
I'm not like, yeah, yeah, you're super wealthy.
01:33:33.000
The 1% of this country is like, I think it's like a half a million dollars a year.
01:33:51.000
Okay, it's $823,000 in 2020. So I was off by quite a bit.
01:33:59.000
$823,000 in 2020. Wait, what's the other number?
01:34:04.000
National average of the top 1% earners is $597,000.
01:34:12.000
This is a study by Smart Asset Points, the second one.
01:34:15.000
Okay, so it's somewhere between $600,000 to $800,000.
01:34:22.000
The average of the 1%, which means you can still be the 1% at like $400,000.
01:34:27.000
Actually, the top has billions in it, so probably $570,000.
01:34:45.000
The average annual income of more than half a million dollars.
01:34:52.000
Well, for the rest of the world, we're doing fucking amazing.
01:35:04.000
I remember an old video of Rogan on some, like, before Tough Crowd.
01:35:11.000
Maybe it was Bill Maher or something, I don't know.
01:35:12.000
There was some guy saying he wants to up the national for anyone over a million dollars, 70%.
01:35:19.000
And Joe goes, on air, if you take 70% of my money, I'm going to kick your fucking ass.
01:35:34.000
Well, there's a lot of people that believe that that's how to solve the country's woes, is to redistribute the wealth.
01:35:39.000
Take the wealth away from all the wealthy people, pay 80-90% in taxes, give all the money to the poor people.
01:35:47.000
They're not looking at it as like, why do people make money in the first place?
01:35:52.000
You're not going to have equal money if you don't have equal effort.
01:35:56.000
And it doesn't mean that everybody has equal opportunity, because some people, they can make a lot more money with a lot less effort.
01:36:02.000
But The people that can become like a Warren Buffet or one of those, they do that because there's an incentive.
01:36:09.000
That's the only reason why they chase that game.
01:36:12.000
And if you're going to put a limit on that game and you're going to say, hey, once you get to a certain level of that game, you've got to give us all the money.
01:36:24.000
There's ways to do it, and that's the Bernie Sanders idea of taxing a small amount of speculative market wagers.
01:36:31.000
So when people are betting, they're going back and forth.
01:36:33.000
He's talking about taking a fraction of a penny from each transaction would result in trillions of dollars a year.
01:36:39.000
I know a lot of people don't like that Alexandria Cortez-Cortez lady, but she said something at the beginning of...
01:36:45.000
COVID, she goes, do you have to get people back in their jobs?
01:36:47.000
She goes, no, we don't have to get people back in their 60 hour a week jobs barely making their ends meet.
01:36:51.000
We have to change the system a little bit so we can actually live our lives.
01:36:58.000
More people that get paid to redistribute the wealth and if they get a grip on your money and they can say, hey, you have been too successful so we're going to take that and give it to people that aren't successful.
01:37:21.000
They go, hey, we've got to give money to the homeless.
01:37:23.000
You're like, the guy's still addicted to fentanyl and living dead.
01:37:33.000
Every politician is like, I don't know the answer to this.
01:37:49.000
They used to have a lot of tents underneath the bridges.
01:37:52.000
Except the occasional tent that they eventually clean up.
01:38:06.000
Who knows what the actual extent of the environmental disaster is?
01:38:10.000
How long before they actually tell them the truth?
01:38:14.000
But I remember thinking BP was the end of society.
01:38:33.000
The guy from the FBI that sang Let the Eagle Soar?
01:38:39.000
Was he the guy that was during the Obama administration?
01:39:19.000
A dude from the Chappelle concert runs up and stabs him.
01:39:44.000
He was just a wild Christian guy singing, Let the Eagles fly!
01:39:49.000
Those guys were fun, because they were the bad guy.
01:39:57.000
Now the left is It's funny, these guys are like, Rap's out of control, and they're like, we're gonna fucking invade Iraq.
01:40:16.000
The Rap thing came from Tipper Gore, Al Gore's wife.
01:40:33.000
I remember listening to it on a fucking treadmill.
01:40:35.000
I was like a Stairmaster in Revere, Massachusetts at the gym, and I was listening to it with a Walkman, a cassette Walkman.
01:40:51.000
When I was young, I got Eminem and DMX. That was what I got.
01:40:54.000
Ice Cube, fifth grade, listening to a DMX album.
01:41:01.000
I got blood on my dick because I fucked a corpse.
01:41:10.000
I'd listen to Ghetto Boys when I delivered newspapers.
01:41:12.000
My uncle that was in Vietnam, not the one I was talking about, the other uncle, he was a prison warden after Vietnam, and then he hung out with just black dudes, because he was a prison warden, so everybody around him.
01:41:24.000
So now he talks like that, and he'll be like, what's up, Holmes?
01:41:29.000
He'll be out in his garage benching the fucking Ghetto Boys.
01:41:35.000
They were super fun, super nice, but they're old now.
01:41:37.000
So I'd make a gay joke and they're like, easy, man, easy.
01:42:18.000
It's that perfectly legal bag of regular stuff.
01:42:28.000
Yeah, we talked about that the other day on the podcast.
01:42:30.000
You were gone for, like, three months living another life.
01:42:35.000
He was gone for 10 minutes, but during that 10 minutes he had three months of another life.
01:42:49.000
Yeah, and you go 20 times, 40 times, or 60 times.
01:42:52.000
You used to be able to get the most potent version of DMT on the internet.
01:42:56.000
Used to be able to get five methoxy DMT on the internet.
01:43:04.000
And they would ship it to your house enough to get the whole city high as fuck.
01:43:23.000
And it's a psychedelic chemical that you think has something to do with near-death experiences.
01:43:31.000
Your body brings you back to baseline in like 15 minutes.
01:43:36.000
DMT? It's crazy because your brain makes it, but it's super illegal.
01:43:50.000
Everyone's holding DMT. It's so weird, the hippies I come in contact with, because some of them are like, I got mushrooms, I've grown.
01:43:58.000
I make my own DMT. I trust that way less than boomers.
01:44:04.000
I smoked it once, and it just made everything look like video games.
01:44:15.000
I saw a giant caterpillar come down this tree and look at me for like two minutes, and then just goes, nah, and then head back up the tree.
01:44:26.000
Looked over at this girl that I was doing it with.
01:44:52.000
If you took Molly and then a little mushrooms, it'd be pretty great.
01:44:57.000
The only problem with mushrooms is you get a bad trip, and Molly's like, that won't happen today.
01:45:08.000
Everything was good, and then all of a sudden it was like, oh.
01:45:19.000
I woke up today like, I think that's going to hurt, and I don't want to do it.
01:45:49.000
Oh, because I'm not 12. Doesn't even look that old.
01:46:03.000
Dude, I was at Renese's wedding and you see the people coming in, but I'm on the last table.
01:46:11.000
You see this giant, shiny, sorry, fucking box of my head ruining every photograph.
01:46:20.000
I heard he got married, but I don't know if it's true.
01:46:26.000
Now ayahuasca, my friend goes like twice a year.
01:46:46.000
Ari doesn't want to live in a nice place that's quiet.
01:47:48.000
I think we go to Vulcan and then we leave immediately after Vulcan drinking and talk there.
01:47:54.000
We have all of our inspections passed and we have furniture.
01:48:01.000
Yeah, we're going to go to Vulcan, do the show, and then we'll go get fucked up in that bar.
01:48:04.000
I can't wait to show you guys what it looks like now.
01:48:27.000
Ari, you think you're gonna stay in New York no matter what?
01:48:29.000
No, I'll stay for two more years and I'll leave.
01:49:16.000
You got to see me, yeah, it was right when you got back, you got to see me surrounded by all the- It was so funny to see the Jews just fucking glomming onto him.
01:49:26.000
They talk differently, like Shane excited to be working with.
01:49:30.000
I'm just talking to that guy who's like, yeah, I'm the head of Netflix.
01:49:33.000
I was like, oh shit, I should have been more respectful.
01:49:40.000
It's because the New York Comedy Fest was all there.
01:49:45.000
Trying to figure out a way to get a piece of that chain pie.
01:49:48.000
Because you're like, suck the youth out of you.
01:49:58.000
Me and Moshe Kasher at Montreal saw just new faces.
01:50:01.000
And two old people were on both sides of him talking to him.
01:50:05.000
It just looked like they were sucking the youth right at him.
01:50:40.000
Because they're a cartoon, they get away with so much.
01:50:47.000
Yeah, and I was like, who is that guy from basketball?
01:50:50.000
And you were like, you were just giving me this, like, That's the one guy ever.
01:51:05.000
I'll go up and say it, but I'm pretty good at it.
01:51:19.000
And then I stared at him from eight feet away for two hours.
01:51:29.000
Well, they have a freedom that no one else has on television.
01:51:32.000
No one has that freedom on Comedy Central, not even close.
01:51:35.000
When we used to fight for people's words on, isn't that happening?
01:51:37.000
We're like, they're allowed, you gotta show precedent.
01:51:55.000
South Park's like, if you even come at them, they'll fucking eviscerate you.
01:52:02.000
The guy who put them on the map, they eviscerated.
01:52:07.000
And we're like, sorry dude, we gotta come after you.
01:52:11.000
Thank you for giving us everything we have, but we have to come after you.
01:52:35.000
They're on TV. But they were on cable, and cable was the internet.
01:52:40.000
They're just grandfathered in like a Tarantino movie.
01:52:52.000
I was dating a girl who was an agent at William Morris, and they were passing it around the office, and everybody got copies of it.
01:53:04.000
If he were here right now, He'd cheerily kickin' ass, dude!
01:53:11.000
Like, if you watched the animation back then, it was even more...
01:53:17.000
When we were playing basketball as kids, you know how you write stuff in marker on your shoes in basketball?
01:54:09.000
He's a Street Fighter character all of a sudden.
01:54:37.000
Like, this would suck if people were like, we hate that show, it's shitty.
01:54:41.000
They entertain so many people, they just can't say it.
01:54:44.000
So it's like, they keep coming after them, it's like, they stopped.
01:54:46.000
Because no one bowed down, they just stopped and went away.
01:54:52.000
Like, we're gonna stop you, they're like, eh, this is the point.
01:54:54.000
Remember when they drew Muhammad, but they drew Muhammad in a bear suit inside of a van?
01:55:06.000
They also, every time I watch the episode, I go, fuck, I was wrong.
01:55:15.000
So if you're like, yeah, you're attacking the other side, and they turn it to your side, you're like, ah, damn it.
01:55:24.000
You know, and they're just sitting in a room like, uh, the clock's ticking, we gotta figure out an angle here.
01:55:29.000
It was the fucking, uh, it was the, uh, human centipede one where he's like, uh, Kyrie!
01:55:38.000
And then when you're like, maybe I should pull back on my comedy, I go too dark, and then you see that and you're like, no, fuck it, it's fun.
01:55:44.000
Yeah, the thing about it is that it's cartoons, and they're not even remotely realistic cartoons, so you can get away with so much.
01:55:59.000
It's like we can get a whole new set of teachers now, aging one year.
01:56:06.000
Remember when the teacher had a whore off with Parasyl?
01:56:33.000
I was thinking about this week when I was watching the new episode.
01:56:36.000
I was like, when this ends, I'm going to be fucking sad.
01:56:49.000
Two where they could be like, we're taking three years off, and anybody would have to do that.
01:56:52.000
Like Curb, whenever you want to come back, you're welcome to.
01:56:55.000
It's funny because if you give people the freedom to do whatever the fuck you want, you get a South Park, but they're never going to do that again.
01:57:01.000
It was Colin Quinn's keynote address at Montreal.
01:57:06.000
If you got it right half the time, I could understand you talking.
01:57:12.000
Don't you just want to shut up and let us fail on our terms?
01:57:20.000
When do you guys think the pendulum's gonna swing back?
01:57:25.000
The pendulum not swinging back is good for the internet.
01:57:43.000
Comedy Central was right in this case because we did not do mushrooms.
01:57:45.000
We definitely did not because those are not legal.
01:58:34.000
He's the fucking Michael Jordan of podcast producers.
01:58:47.000
Last night, I was trying to talk him into going to a strip club.
01:58:53.000
I could tell he wanted to hang out with me and drink.
01:59:12.000
I gotta get out of here last night before this goes south.
01:59:18.000
My one hour in front of the computer commitment.
01:59:22.000
Actually, that was the first time it went north.
01:59:38.000
Like, when the club opens up, I'm 100% committed to still doing Vulcan.
01:59:51.000
That's like competition, like doing someone else's podcast is like competition.
02:01:16.000
And I did the sound, the lights, and the hosting.
02:01:28.000
The piano player wasn't there at the comedy store.
02:01:46.000
But he played, he was like, I want my intro song to be Sex on Fire by Kings of Leon.
02:01:57.000
It is actually a great song, but it's gay to say you like it.
02:02:16.000
I don't want to fucking go, hey, maybe that song?
02:03:15.000
You know, my favorite was, I didn't know the UFC that well, but when Wonderboy fought Tyron Woodley.
02:03:23.000
I rarely watched UFC. And then Wonderboy came out to fucking Tenacious D Wonderboy.
02:03:29.000
And he was fighting Woodley, who at the time was just a yoked fucking black dude.
02:03:37.000
And then you see this karate guy coming out to Tenacious D, and I was like, come on, brother!
02:03:56.000
But there was one point where Woodley had him in the deepest guillotine you've ever seen.
02:04:02.000
And then he popped his head out and it was like...
02:04:18.000
That was Gaethje's first fight in the UFC. What?
02:04:22.000
Yeah, Gaethje had come over from the PFL. He was the PFL champion, and he came over to the UFC, and it was like one of the most exciting prospects.
02:04:36.000
He's the most violent guy in the most violent sport.
02:04:42.000
Well, Diaz is a fun personality, fun-loving guy.
02:04:47.000
The last several fights he's been in, they've been fun.
02:04:49.000
I was at his fight with Epstein where he fucking gave the fingers.
02:05:03.000
I thought you were saying he's fighting Epstein.
02:05:09.000
Yeah, he was giving the fingers and he was like, what?
02:05:34.000
He's walking towards him like a fucking horror movie.
02:05:52.000
He was saying he was a purple belt for a long time.
02:05:58.000
When he landed on Leon, the slap and the straight.
02:06:02.000
When he hit him with that straight left hand, he was like, ooh.
02:06:06.000
See, that's why it's the funnest sport, because they have personalities.
02:06:15.000
They didn't let him fucking go nuts on air anymore.
02:06:24.000
They've contained them for a while, but now there's Twitter.
02:06:32.000
They get dinged in the head and they're like, the sky's not real.
02:06:38.000
I'll take a California love and then switch to something.
02:06:52.000
I love when a Brazilian comes out and just like whistles and drums and bullshit.
02:06:56.000
I was in Brazil with Rogan, our first Brazil fight, and they were all chanting the whole- He has walked up to a mashup of four songs.
02:07:16.000
Hit it, JMO. So you just fucking mixed it all up.
02:07:40.000
There's not much like a world championship walkout at the UFC. Sometimes I take my headset off.
02:07:45.000
Like when I'm sitting there doing commentary, when someone's walking out, I just take my headset off.
02:07:55.000
He comes out to Scarface, which is fucking sick.
02:07:58.000
One of the cool things about being a UFC commentator is I'm just a professional fan.
02:08:07.000
Didn't Anderson come out to DMX? Mmm, I like the Gi, because they look like nerds and then they kick ass.
02:08:30.000
He died during COVID and everyone was like, he's alive?
02:08:58.000
He was hurt, and then he comes back in the playoffs, and they play Use Me.
02:09:03.000
It's like a guy who's like, his body's destroyed.
02:09:23.000
Perfect for a geezer quarterback that's getting fucking hurt.
02:09:32.000
Let me hear this part when he lets go to the ball and it plays it.
02:09:49.000
You think football players watch this and go, like the way we watch stand-up in movies?
02:10:03.000
Like every boxing movie, every time someone plays pool in a movie.
02:10:18.000
The same way we couldn't get over fucking Lockers and Punchline.
02:10:38.000
That would be the biggest hit of the entire season.
02:10:52.000
The movie Warrior, they fight two days in a row.
02:11:06.000
There's not a fucking chance you're fighting two days in a row.
02:11:10.000
Too many guys are getting flatlined and you're fucking getting elbowed in the face.
02:11:20.000
It wasn't the worst movie, but there's a suspension of disbelief that's required.
02:11:27.000
I don't know how to open up my throat, but this guy just sips it for a while.
02:11:31.000
You don't know how to open up your throat because you poisoned it with whippets.
02:11:43.000
You're going to hit the bathroom again looking at some of these bottles.
02:11:47.000
Yeah, I think they do that with the military, too.
02:11:50.000
They have all these side-by-sides of real green versus the movie.
02:11:56.000
There's a movie where it's like everybody's fucking Hispanic and black and a lady.
02:12:01.000
And they're like, here's the squad it was based off of.
02:12:21.000
Like a fucking diner, shitty diner for hot dogs, and we walked by a Lifetime original, like, billboard, and it was two female cops with, like, guns out with, like, a male cop sergeant behind them, and Rogan goes, Lifetime is sci-fi for women.
02:12:45.000
What if we were the ones who were like, fucking beating up.
02:12:51.000
They always were like, men of the world were toxic, but then they just do it in the movie.
02:12:58.000
And that was the karate, and we'll pay our own bills.
02:13:01.000
And the big guy tried to beat me up, and I was like, no way.
02:13:05.000
There's nothing funny than karate with pumps on.
02:13:12.000
And then the movie bombs, but then Fifty Shades of Grey is like the bestseller.
02:13:19.000
My buddy said that he was like on dating apps or dating girls at the time.
02:13:24.000
He's like, dude, girls want me to spit in their mouth now, like out of nowhere.
02:13:31.000
He, you know, he was realizing like what was happening because of Fifty Shades of Grey, that women were like into like getting choked and spit on and stuff.
02:13:48.000
The billionaire who's like a bad boy, but you get to control, you dominate him.
02:13:59.000
Everybody would be like, God damn, that guy's a rapist.
02:14:03.000
Some guy in a trailer that was like, I'm going to beat the hell out of you.
02:14:07.000
The guy with the fucking private jet, I'm good.
02:14:19.000
I'm just disappointed that you guys don't want to do the cold plunge.
02:14:24.000
I know, but I put my hand in that last time, and it sucks.
02:14:39.000
If you're in a blackout and you cold plunge, you'll be up and at them.
02:14:48.000
Hey, not to bring this down, but I was reading this article today.
02:14:54.000
I was reading this article today about a slaughterhouse that got fined for having too many children working there.
02:15:05.000
And so then I read this article that was researching this slaughterhouse as one of the worst safety records in the entire country.
02:15:13.000
This slaughterhouse, they've had decapitations there.
02:15:16.000
A bunch of people have died, but people got decapitated.
02:15:21.000
More than 100 children have been discovered to be illegally employed by a slaughterhouse cleaning firm across the country.
02:15:28.000
Federal authorities and the Department of Labor announced that a federal investigation found Wisconsin-based Packers Sanitation Services employed at least 102 children.
02:15:39.000
Now who are these hero kids that are like, I'll do this at 13. These kids are animals.
02:15:47.000
To work overnight shifts at 13 meat processing facilities.
02:15:52.000
Can you imagine being at 13 and you're cleaning saws?
02:16:03.000
A 14-year-old child worked at a Nebraska facility from 11 p.m.
02:16:12.000
From December 2021 to April 2022, clean machines used to cut meat.
02:16:19.000
At one point, the child fell asleep in class and also missed class after suffering injuries as a result of chemical burns.
02:16:26.000
Several other children were also reported to have suffered from chemical burns.
02:16:34.000
It's funny, if there's different guests on here right now, they give us a lot more weight.
02:16:50.000
So according to the news release, the PSSI had paid 1.5 million civil money penalties.
02:16:56.000
In the Palestine thing, I think they sent like 25 grand and they're like, here you go.
02:17:07.000
Once you put the dollar sign, I can do the math.
02:17:14.000
You're that guy who wants everybody to be as fucked up as you.
02:17:24.000
This is the most sober I've been on one of these.
02:17:33.000
Like, you're gonna be talking, camera's gonna be on me.
02:17:53.000
See him standing up with his little pigeon-toed.
02:17:56.000
Squeezing his giant balls and dick together between his legs.
02:18:33.000
If I had a Don, dude, I've got a little fucking nub sticking out.
02:18:37.000
I'm not showing anyone that thing, especially in high-pressure situations.
02:18:42.000
I had a girl one time, or an old lady I fucked, and she was like, I was taking my belt on, and she goes, you better not have a small dick.
02:19:02.000
Yeah, just metapistle and prune juice coming at me.
02:19:05.000
Every asparagus she's ever eaten in her life is in that place.
02:19:36.000
She said she had grandchildren and he has to please her.
02:19:40.000
She said, you better not have a small dick, and then she pissed all over him.
02:19:58.000
We had to sleep in the corner of the bed after because it was just so ruined.
02:20:04.000
I fucked a squirter once, I pulled her jeans around her ankles, and she's like, no, no, I gotta walk home from here!
02:20:18.000
When they lie and say this has never happened before.
02:20:20.000
Nothing better than that rooster tail coming at you.
02:20:31.000
I think everything that's not pissed is just residue.
02:20:36.000
Sam Tripoli's joke goes, you ever been pissed on by a man?
02:20:39.000
To some girl in the crowd goes, you ever shower with a man?
02:20:57.000
They get to pee standing up for the first time.
02:21:00.000
They're showering, water's flowing, you gotta pee, let it go.
02:21:57.000
Have you ever seen Gavin's video a long time ago about how to pee in public?
02:22:01.000
No, and he was like, it was like showing you how to pee in public.
02:22:04.000
And he's like, you gotta pretend like you're art.
02:22:09.000
He's like, you don't sell at 50, you sell at 45!
02:22:20.000
There's so many guys pissing the streets in cities.
02:22:30.000
New York, you've got to find a place where it's like no one's on the street, no one's behind me.
02:22:34.000
And once you commit, you're like, look, I'm peeing.
02:22:37.000
Somebody finds you like, sorry, I'm pissing in public.
02:22:41.000
Do you know that in some places, if you get caught pissing in public, if you're like close to a school, they say you're a sex offender, and they can write you up as someone who's exposing himself?
02:22:51.000
I know a guy who got in trouble because he went outside of a pool hall to take a piss, and it was like really close to a school.
02:23:01.000
If I was a sex offender, I'd be like, I was just pissing.
02:23:06.000
Well, I think he actually was just taking a piss, though.
02:23:11.000
If I was a sex offender, I'd go, I was taking a piss.
02:23:15.000
I feel like if that's something you do, you do it more than just once.
02:23:19.000
When you're 34, you just decide to go show everybody your dick.
02:23:22.000
We got a friend who got in trouble fucking in a car to school.
02:23:25.000
The Texas Penal Code's got an interesting wording.
02:23:29.000
Someone commits disorderly conduct when he or she exposes his anus or genitals in a public place and is reckless about whether another person may be present who will be offended or alarmed by his act.
02:23:46.000
They say genitals but they don't say vagina or an asshole of a girl.
02:23:53.000
Also they know no one's gonna be offended by a nice Fat pussy at the playground.
02:24:10.000
Fucking Weinstein talking to everybody about fucking science shit and then Shane and me and Egot and Tony are just sending each other disgusting pictures over airdrop.
02:24:32.000
The thing about comics is, like, if something is funny, we're going to concentrate on that.
02:24:37.000
And like, he kept trying to like bring up this point and like, no, no, no.
02:24:41.000
I can't forget about the fact the way you're sitting.
02:24:44.000
You can see Rogan trying to focus on him, but he's like looking at us laughing.
02:24:49.000
Jamie, could you bring up the mermaid sculpture in Denmark?
02:24:58.000
Once I went to piss and I came back and he was still doing it, I was like, you gotta let it go.
02:25:13.000
He was doing that and I was sitting there going...
02:25:23.000
The fibonacci sequence is not what it's cracked up to be.
02:26:03.000
By the time I got on the stage, I was five people in.
02:26:06.000
You let an hour and a half go, a full show go before you get on.
02:26:11.000
I don't go on stage until two hours into the show.
02:26:13.000
Yeah, but we're just trying to do something out here.
02:26:18.000
That was my favorite part of your show, though, because you do the whole show, and then there's a bunch of people that are there to see you that are like, this is Joe Rogan.
02:26:24.000
Then you'd be like, all right, you have any questions?
02:26:36.000
Before there was any internet clips or anything like that, he would set up two mics on the aisles.
02:26:54.000
Some guys, they get aggressive and they're like, what are you doing, stupid?
02:27:09.000
Although you're still holding it like there's stuff left in there.
02:27:17.000
When I went to see Seinfeld, I was 19 years old.
02:27:23.000
This is like when Seinfeld wasn't really Seinfeld yet.
02:27:36.000
So it had to be 87. Yeah, it was like, I was probably 19 or 20, and I went, and he did stand-up, and then after he did stand-up, he would ask questions and then go in and, like, it seemed like bits.
02:27:56.000
This guy's just riffing all these things that people were, like, bringing up about subjects, and I guess that's how it would help him write.
02:28:06.000
I was like, what do you guys always want to know about Jewish people?
02:28:13.000
And then eventually I'd be like, okay, this is definitely what non-Jews don't know about us.
02:28:27.000
You can't be attracted to another woman's wife, another man's wife, and hair is something they're attracted to.
02:28:33.000
So the Jewish, intelligent Jewish women are like, what if it's someone else's hair?
02:29:17.000
Look at this fucking scarecrow you're about to see.
02:29:49.000
Same girl told me to leave the fucking white snake tape behind.
02:30:05.000
Well, she's like 100. You look at her face there!
02:30:29.000
Have you saw her tomorrow at the grocery store?
02:30:44.000
That was like the first girl I was obsessed with.
02:31:15.000
That movie I just pulled up came out in 87. She was in that.
02:31:32.000
Why don't we find her Sex and the City, Sarah Jessica Parker?
02:31:35.000
Sex and the City was a wild show for ladies, right?
02:31:39.000
The first show for ladies that, like, ladies would just go out and get fucking hammered.
02:31:44.000
Yeah, there's an episode where they fuck a black guy, and she's like, I don't know.
02:32:07.000
That one lady, Kim Cattrall, she was fucking smoking hot when she was young.
02:32:12.000
Even in Texas City, she was still pretty fucking hot.
02:32:25.000
Up until about midnight, and then I'd be like, hey, dude, you gotta take off.
02:32:29.000
Yeah, one, two in the morning, you'd be with him.
02:32:32.000
He'd be with him up until he wanted to go uptown.
02:32:38.000
He got arrested at a Radiohead concert, I remember.
02:32:42.000
Yeah, I remember being a kid and seeing that headline and being like, alright, that's fine.
02:32:57.000
He had Politically Incorrect, real time, and now...
02:33:18.000
It's Uncle sending him more fucking stories from now.
02:33:24.000
Oh, I can't imagine what the jungle whores were.
02:33:26.000
Yeah, but what were the hookers when you got to leave?
02:33:49.000
There's a guy who fights in the UFC, Paul Craig.
02:34:21.000
Like, one of the best in the world off his back.
02:34:59.000
Moved up to heavyweight, so is he going to be able to compete with the biggest guys?
02:35:36.000
Well, it's the first time that he's ever fought a heavyweight.
02:35:56.000
Oh, Anderson said one up to light heavyweight for one fight.
02:36:02.000
Yeah, yeah, they're trying to, well, I think probably what they'll probably try to do is the winner of Jon Jones and Cyril Ghan will fight Stipe, if that makes sense to me.
02:36:22.000
Well, Stipe is also, like, one of the greatest heavyweights of all time.
02:36:26.000
Look at his accomplishments, his record, defended the heavyweight title more than anybody, beaten all these legends.
02:36:37.000
Yeah, you know who was the man was fucking Cheeto Vera.
02:36:50.000
We went and got dinner after a show and it was us and Cheeto just eating fucking steak.
02:36:58.000
He's like, if I see a beautiful woman, I just have to run.
02:37:04.000
He's like, that's why I'm going to be the best ever.
02:37:06.000
I was sitting there like, fucked up, like, yeah, definitely.
02:37:11.000
That's why I see a beautiful woman, I'm like, ah, I suck.
02:37:18.000
He's fighting in San Antonio at the end of March.
02:37:22.000
Yeah, if you guys are in town, we should all go.
02:37:23.000
Weren't they trying to put that in the fucking...
02:37:27.000
Wasn't it supposed to be in the Apex or whatever it's called?
02:38:11.000
Yeah, you root for everybody outside of America, you piece of shit.
02:38:34.000
Do fighters talk about other fighters like we talk about comics?
02:38:39.000
They're all very, to me, the brief understanding I've had is they're very, like, nah, I like them.
02:38:46.000
Like, people you'd think would hate each other.
02:38:54.000
You know, you can tell the guys who are, like, real, because they'll recognize what a guy's good at and not good at, and they'll talk about it honestly.
02:39:01.000
And then you can tell guys are kind of, like, a little bit in denial, kind of haters.
02:39:19.000
You know what bothers me is when there's a guy that's like hot and then dudes in the back when they're doing interviews and shit are like, I'll fuck you up.
02:39:26.000
And the guy who's famous is just like, I know what you're doing.
02:39:33.000
They used to do this in the UFC where they interview somebody, like, what do you think about this fight?
02:39:37.000
And they tell the next person, well, this guy said this, as they're doing their interview.
02:39:43.000
And he said he's going to take you down and punch you in the face until you submit.
02:39:47.000
And Anderson Silva, so confident, he's just like, that's a great tactic.
02:39:55.000
People would be like, he was like, ah, I'm going to fight you.
02:40:03.000
And your wife was like, break out the red panties.
02:40:13.000
Yeah, he did something where he flipped a fucking game on its head.
02:40:18.000
If I choose to fight you, you'll make a lot of money.
02:40:28.000
When I knock people out, they don't fucking move.
02:41:09.000
Yeah, but the thing about Nate is like, you can't shit talk with him.
02:41:47.000
So don't say you would not take that fight because you would take that fight like everyone else up here would take the fight against me if it was offered, regardless of belts or any of that shit.
02:41:55.000
I'm the money fighting the male shit at all weight division, so fuck everybody else up here.
02:42:04.000
I've made such a big thing of myself that anyone who fights with me is instantly rich.
02:42:16.000
Yeah, Nate's like, I already got my own one bedroom apartment.
02:42:38.000
My favorite line was this, like, they're like, how do you think the fight's gonna go?
02:42:42.000
And Conor's like, I'll probably knock him out in the first round.
02:42:52.000
And by coffee break, I mean bring me my coffee.
02:42:55.000
They want you to give us a quick count to ten, both of you, gentlemen.
02:43:13.000
So we're going to talk about money and business.
02:43:17.000
There's word that you could make 10 million dollars on this thing.
02:43:43.000
I've made more millionaires in this game than anybody else.
02:43:46.000
Nate, how much of the purse you're going to take home do you owe to Conor McGregor?
02:43:54.000
Anything over 40 grand he owes me because that was his last paycheck.
02:44:01.000
I was gonna get it regardless, sooner or later.
02:44:15.000
If you want to get to a net worth of a hundred million dollars, how close are you?
02:44:32.000
At the time of this, his net worth was like six mil.
02:44:37.000
There's people buried in the desert for less than that.
02:44:52.000
You spend my total net worth in five minutes at Starbucks, I'm telling you right now.
02:44:57.000
No, I'm nowhere to go, but I ask the questions, and so I want to know.
02:45:37.000
The main thing to succeed in this game is to either be me or fight me.
02:45:52.000
I wanted to ask you how you guys can make the UFC as big as the NBA or the NFL. How is that possible?
02:46:05.000
Because when it all comes down to it, It's about survival.
02:46:16.000
And Fight 2 was like, if this was war, you'd be dead.
02:46:19.000
We can put us on this station and talk stocks and numbers and all of this, and we can continue to rise.
02:46:33.000
Every time I get fucked up, I watch this interview.
02:46:44.000
How do you think this, you can get the UFC, the NBA, or the NFL, or should it even try?
02:46:55.000
It's like, I don't own the UFC, you dumb idiot.
02:47:02.000
Send me a picture and I'll see what you look like.
02:47:15.000
So they're not even seeing this lady while they're doing this scenario.
02:47:38.000
Are you able to build enough anticipation to keep you...
02:48:07.000
That second fight, I've rewatched it as a Nate fan.
02:48:32.000
The scoring system really is designed for boxing.
02:48:35.000
We adopted boxing's 10-point must scoring system.
02:48:39.000
When you have boxing, 10-point must system works because it's like two guys, they both are punching each other.
02:48:47.000
It should be a more complex system that takes into account kicks, punches, submission attempts, And I don't think it should be limited to like a 10-9 thing.
02:48:56.000
I think if someone tried to invent a 10-point must system today for MMA, people would think it's too limited.
02:49:03.000
You would want to have a completely different scoring system.
02:49:06.000
I don't want to cut you off because you're an expert and I'm drunk.
02:49:11.000
I felt like the Volkanovski-Islam fight by UFC rules.
02:49:19.000
The second round gave a slight edge to Volkanovski in the second round.
02:49:23.000
The problem is, so the second round, if you go to the second round, one person scored 10, the other person scored 9. But then you look at the first round.
02:49:36.000
Because he really got a dominant position and he held it for a significant portion of the round.
02:49:41.000
That's more significant than whatever the fuck happened in the second round.
02:49:46.000
That's why the 10-point muscle system is fucked.
02:49:48.000
But if you're looking at two rounds, like, who's up?
02:50:00.000
Gets Islam on the ground, pounding on him in the last minute of the fight.
02:50:04.000
The most significant moment of the fight total.
02:50:10.000
They should do it more often, but they don't do it enough.
02:50:14.000
But Volkanovski dropped him in the second round, but then Islam got a takedown but didn't do anything with it, and then Volkanovski got back up, and then Volkanovski got rocked with a punch by Islam.
02:50:26.000
I gave a slight edge of the second round to Volkanovski, but that is the decide of the fight.
02:50:40.000
Because if you have, again, if you have a 10-9 round like the final round, where Volkanovski clearly won, and then you have a 10-9 round like the second round, how are they both 10-9 rounds?
02:50:52.000
One of them is clearly a lot more dominant in one way, and the other one is like, anybody can decide.
02:50:58.000
Like, if you're an Islam fan, you can say, I think he did enough.
02:51:01.000
He got the takedown, he landed that one good punch, and landed some other good shots.
02:51:06.000
You could make an argument, but you can't make an argument for the fifth round.
02:51:14.000
While I was watching it, I knew a takedown is so important.
02:51:21.000
He got the takedowns, and it was like, alright, well, he's going to win the fourth round.
02:51:25.000
He didn't do any damage, he's just holding them.
02:51:29.000
It's like takedown means, oh shit, you're about to fuck me up.
02:51:33.000
But if he doesn't, then it's like, well, that didn't mean that.
02:51:35.000
There's also a thing where, like, Islam had Volkanovski's back and Volkanovski just punched him in the face over and over again.
02:51:43.000
That is kind of crazy because, like, the guy does have control of you, but he's not doing anything good with it.
02:51:49.000
So, like, how much of that counts towards the round?
02:51:52.000
How much of these Dagestani wrestlers just fucking up the UFC? Crazy!
02:51:59.000
Yeah, but I mean, just like, as far as, like, viewership...
02:52:03.000
You just got some guys coming in that are nasty wrestlers.
02:52:11.000
First of all, you got the top 155 pounder and the top 145 pounder in their prime.
02:52:17.000
Two of the top guys, pound for pound, fighting for the number one pound for pound status.
02:52:27.000
There's also an accusation of someone using an IV. They said Islam rehydrated with an IV. In rounds?
02:52:46.000
It's part of USADA because you could mask PEDs with an IV. So like if you take certain PEDs, you can flush your system out with an IV and then take a piss test and it won't show up.
02:53:01.000
They say they know, but I haven't seen anything yet.
02:53:05.000
I will say, as a UFC fan, I feel like more fights are getting questionable.
02:53:18.000
It's annoying when you think somebody won and then they're like, no, somebody else.
02:53:28.000
That was one of those ones like, man, that's hard to call for Paddy.
02:53:40.000
But, you know, he's a lot of fun and he's like a wild, crazy character and he dances and shit and gets in there and gets everybody rooting for him.
02:53:48.000
Who's that fucking, who's that black dude that dances on the way in?
02:54:08.000
It was all like, you know the black guy's going to win.
02:54:47.000
If guys can do that, if they can walk out like that and have fun, it's like just the looseness that comes with that.
02:55:01.000
What's a better combo than Tuivasa and Volkanovski being pals?
02:55:37.000
When I was in Australia, I was on stage, they were like, do a Chewy.
02:55:55.000
You think I'm going to fucking listen to you fucking losers?
02:55:59.000
You think I'm going to get peer pressured by a bunch of fucking non-Americans?
02:56:13.000
As soon as they hit me with the do-a-shoe-y and I said, I'm not doing a fucking-shoe-y.
02:56:20.000
You think I'm going to listen to you fucking losers?
02:56:28.000
How nice is that against fucking at that weigh-in?
02:56:33.000
It's funny that a date says, I don't sound like that.
02:56:40.000
He was like, just so you know, I don't sound like that.
02:57:00.000
Him and his bros, who I'm friends with all of them, they're great.
02:57:04.000
And they're the most unassuming group of dudes of all time.
02:57:07.000
None of them are fucking jacked, but they would kill everybody.
02:57:13.000
Literally like eight gremlins come in, but they got there when they're doing the fucking naked roast.
02:57:19.000
Just in time for me to be like, alright, come in, come hang out.
02:57:23.000
They get in, there's just a fucking naked fucking goth dude.
02:57:28.000
They walked in and like, yeah, this is fucking gay.
02:57:43.000
While we're in the green room, just a fucking naked dude walked in.
02:57:57.000
I was like, I saw you all walking out with them.
02:58:16.000
First year of Brooklyn Naked Rose was like, what the fuck?
02:58:23.000
You're more about like, wouldn't it be funny if our butt and dick was out?
02:58:37.000
Dicks are funny and roasts are funny, so it's fun to get the most.
02:58:40.000
I go to any time there's a naked roast, I'm like, oh, I'm going.
02:58:45.000
It was like the one where I saw the trans woman tuck her dick, where it just looked like a woman, and then in the middle of her first joke, she just popped the dick out, and it's like...
02:58:56.000
Or Klempf taking her fucking notes out of her pussy.
02:59:01.000
And she reached out and she put a baggie out and it had her fucking jokes in there.
02:59:14.000
Naked Rose took her fucking jokes out of her pussy.
02:59:33.000
That's not the first time she stuffed anything up there to hide it either.
02:59:36.000
That's not a thing you come up with on the fly.
02:59:40.000
It'd be nice to be able to have a little storage area.
02:59:52.000
Hemorrhoids, you ever use one of those fucking preparation-age things?
02:59:57.000
By the way, those suppositories, I'll be honest, they feel pretty good.
03:00:19.000
What is this Calgary trampede shirt you have on?
03:00:34.000
No, but some chick, it's just like an ICP thing.
03:00:41.000
Some chick's blowing like seven dudes in a fucking- What?
03:00:46.000
Alright, well that's cooler than I thought it was going to be.
03:00:51.000
Stampede is all the fucking cattle rustling come together.
03:00:55.000
Threesome caught on camera at Calgary Stampede rodeo.
03:00:58.000
This might be Trampede or it might just be a normal.
03:01:00.000
So at the Calgary Stampede, girls go and just fuck guys?
03:01:08.000
There's a whole thing about a politician's daughter at this Calgary Stampede.
03:01:15.000
So Trampede was the mascot of Stampede for a while.
03:01:21.000
And she's just fucking dudes like ICP level in the parking lot.
03:01:26.000
So it's a girl who goes to the Calgary Stampede and just fucks everybody?
03:01:30.000
There are more birds nine months after Stampede than any other time in Calgary.
03:01:36.000
I think there's a lady who's a politician's daughter and it was a whole thing in Calgary.
03:01:43.000
I was just there, and they were like, talk about this, the place will go nuts.
03:01:46.000
Me, Burt, O'Neal, Edgar, and Kathleen McGee went for Stampede.
03:02:14.000
She went viral for sucking cucumbers and fucking two dudes in a parking garage?
03:02:25.000
All you gotta do is suck a cucumber and fuck two guys in a parking garage.
03:02:30.000
Anyway, the problem is you can't get out of it.
03:02:58.000
If you're sucking dick in a fucking parking garage in Canada, the next thing you know, you're like, there's a basement there.
03:03:17.000
I love how you can call up Elon and be like, can you tell me exactly what she was suspended for?
03:03:24.000
You don't want to get too many of those text messages returned.
03:03:31.000
I've got a bunch of dudes that I'm like, I'm not going to text them.
03:03:36.000
Soders was like when the guy was the coordinator at the...
03:03:42.000
Yeah, and he goes, can you get me one of those throwback jerseys?
03:03:50.000
When you think about Elon, though, these guys running three different companies simultaneously.
03:03:55.000
I don't know how it's possible to run Tesla, Twitter, SpaceX, boring systems.
03:04:33.000
You better keep working because you got a monthly nut that's tough to fucking cover.
03:04:57.000
No, I think a lot of people, the in vitro thing is they're having them too late.
03:05:01.000
Yeah, they're like, people want their career, they want a family, they want everything, they want the whole deal.
03:05:06.000
Next thing you know, they're 40 and they're trying to get pregnant.
03:05:21.000
She's got three more years before things get dicey.
03:05:31.000
Didn't that woman from Rocky IV, remember the woman that Sylvester Stallone was dating?
03:05:45.000
That lady from Rocky IV, the really tall lady that used to be married.
03:06:01.000
But wait a minute, how old was your lady, if you don't mind me asking?
03:06:36.000
When you get into like late 30s, like Brigid Phetasy, my friend, she had her kid at like 41. Really?
03:06:54.000
This was like six, seven, eight years ago, and she was like, I met you once at the comedy store, right?
03:07:00.000
But I was so ready to be gone from society that I was like, nice to see you again.
03:07:16.000
You just enjoyed vanishing, huh, for a few months?
03:07:21.000
But wait, did you feel like kids fucked you up?
03:07:24.000
Well, I mean, you've got to be present and soccer practice and changing diapers.
03:07:29.000
It makes you think about people other than yourself.
03:07:44.000
Their fun makes you happier than anything you could ever be happy about for yourself.
03:08:25.000
After what you did the first time, and then now this?
03:08:37.000
Because once they get the prep where it's not a real thing, then they're like, we had the cure forever.
03:08:46.000
He did our podcast and he was like, here's a sketch I couldn't do on SNL. And then I think he ended up doing it.
03:08:54.000
And then just a dude being in the middle of it.
03:09:03.000
You take it if you think you might be getting HIV and you're just banging guys.
03:09:07.000
It's like two dudes together fishing or playing the drums.
03:09:10.000
And then he was like, the sketch would be a guy in the middle of it being like, but I'm not gay.
03:09:19.000
Just one of these guys in the middle of the commercial being like, actually, I'm not gay.
03:09:24.000
Imagine if you're a straight guy and you got that commercial and people are like, you're taking jobs away from gay people.
03:09:29.000
So this is like a pill that you take to make sure that you don't get AIDS? Dude, uh, uh, um...
03:09:42.000
He was just like, you let HIV-positive dudes blow loads in your butt.
03:09:59.000
NWA AIDS. It just stops him from getting in there.
03:10:15.000
It used to be at one point in time that was a death sentence.
03:10:39.000
The man had HIV. Remember when you used to live stream this podcast?
03:10:53.000
We did the fight companion, hammered, live, Eddie Bravo talking about Flat Earth and satellites aren't real.
03:11:10.000
I can't wait to bring Phil to a fucking theater and talk about sucking his dick.
03:11:21.000
Well, when you walk on stage now, they go crazy.
03:11:23.000
And so, like, they've got to accept the fact that it worked out.
03:11:33.000
Like, if there's a—he's like, I'm gonna bomb.
03:11:38.000
People are going crazy and he's like, what are they going crazy for?
03:11:41.000
But then if I'm not there, he's like, you see my son?
03:11:48.000
My parents won't give it up, but sometimes we'll be out to dinner and someone's like, hey, I'm a fan.
03:11:52.000
And they're like, oh, I guess we got to give it up.
03:12:12.000
Like, I met, I opened for Jerry Seinfeld, so that's something they'd be like, okay, that we've heard of.
03:12:17.000
Are they worried that it's like, Temporary, maybe?
03:12:23.000
I mean, it's working out for now, but it might go bad.
03:12:34.000
I mean, you're doing whippets at 78. You know what's sadder?
03:12:39.000
When you run into a guy who used to do comedy, you don't do comedy anymore?
03:12:42.000
Especially if they had at least one good set where you could have figured it out.
03:12:49.000
And you run into guys and you don't do comedy anymore?
03:12:52.000
No, I'm a producer now or no, I'm just having a normal life.
03:12:54.000
You remember during the pandemic when you didn't do comedy for months and you're like, I guess this is life now?
03:13:00.000
We were all at Central Park, Louie showed up with Liss and Sarah, and it was like, we're talking about comics, and he's like, I mean, we're not.
03:13:17.000
That's who you're talking about, because that's who the quote was.
03:13:25.000
Then the parks opened up, then the roofs opened up.
03:13:36.000
Anytime I went back to New York, it was a rooftop or you were out front.
03:13:45.000
Lady would be walking her dog through you in the crowd.
03:13:50.000
Fitzsimmons would be like, just like, as soon as anybody comes, I'm just going to fucking roast them.
03:14:10.000
I walked in, it was a fucking packed full room.
03:14:13.000
And even I, who deny the fucking COVID, walked in and I was like, God damn, dude.
03:14:24.000
Me and Hitchcliff and Moses did one weekend in Houston and I was like, I can't do this anymore.
03:14:33.000
Somebody with a fat grandparent comes out that they live with and you're like, ah, fuck.
03:14:48.000
You took the most precautions when it came to COVID of anything I've seen.
03:15:00.000
Did everything we needed to do in terms of getting shots and gave people B12 shots and IV vitamin drips.
03:15:18.000
Everyone was like, Schultz, Michelle, I can't, can't.
03:15:27.000
Because it was like, this doesn't seem real, it was funny.
03:15:30.000
I remember we were going, this is going to end everyone at each other's throats.
03:15:48.000
Being home in front of your fucking anger box made everybody way worse.
03:15:58.000
That's like where they get their identity from.
03:16:11.000
I saw those turtles, and then immediately I was excited.
03:16:15.000
I like to see turtles, and then I saw a tent, and I was like, oh, there's a man dying in the mud.
03:16:23.000
They found an alligator in one of the lakes out here.
03:16:26.000
It's very rare, but occasionally someone will fucking let a pet loose.
03:16:31.000
They have alligators in south of Texas, though.
03:16:36.000
That guy who died, and his last words were, fuck those alligators, and he jumped off a dock.
03:16:41.000
He was drinking a bar, and they were like, you can't go in that lake.
03:16:45.000
Tons of alligators, and his last words were, fuck those alligators.
03:16:54.000
And then a few days later, his friend went out on the lake and killed the alligator.
03:17:04.000
Man killed seconds after mocking gator warning.
03:17:10.000
28 year old Texas man was attacked and killed by an alligator almost immediately after being warned by a bystander not to swim in the water.
03:17:18.000
Replying, fuck that alligator before jumping in.
03:17:24.000
The next thing I know, I didn't even know how long it was.
03:17:31.000
I saw his body floating face down and then he's up there for a couple seconds and then he gets dragged back down and pulled off.
03:17:40.000
It's pretty fun, though, to be hammered and be like, fuck that fucking loser.
03:17:47.000
Yeah, an alligator killed an 85-year-old woman yesterday.
03:18:01.000
The dog survived and she didn't, which is pretty crazy.
03:18:09.000
When I was young, we used to go to Hilton Head in South Carolina, and it would always be, you're walking your dog, and the fucking gator grabs it.
03:18:19.000
They stay right on the edge, and the alligator's like, I'm just coming at you.
03:18:32.000
That's when those people were like, there was some chick at like CBS or something.
03:18:45.000
And then they were like, no, no, no, you can't actually.
03:18:48.000
And it's like, you can't actually root for a baby's death.
03:18:50.000
Why were they saying fuck the guy whose baby got killed?
03:19:03.000
You fucking save up your money, you go to fucking Disney with your family, and a fucking reptile eats you.
03:19:11.000
They come out of the water and eat you, and then they go back.
03:19:26.000
I'm glad a two-year-old got eaten by a fucking reptile.
03:19:35.000
We were talking about it at a club, how they were boycotting a club because they booked someone they didn't like.
03:19:42.000
And all these local comics were boycotting, like, fuck this club.
03:19:45.000
And then on Tuesday, they were like, hey, so here's our spots for the week.
03:19:50.000
You said to fucking boycott a female in my club.
03:20:05.000
Yeah, it's never like a high-level working comic who's like, I'm out there.
03:20:16.000
Well, there's this weird notion of like, if you're gone, I'll get all the spots.
03:20:25.000
I think it's just like, I'm trying to be important.
03:20:29.000
Well, you get clicks off of hating that person.
03:20:32.000
If they had to do it anonymously, they wouldn't do it.
03:20:50.000
It's a thing that people try and everybody knows what you're doing.
03:20:57.000
You might get some likes on Twitter because people are stupid.
03:21:02.000
Yeah, you'll get dummies that'll like what you're saying, but everybody else knows what you're doing.
03:21:14.000
Yeah, you got two fucking syringes in your profile and then a flag.
03:21:29.000
Yeah, well, the best one was during COVID when they got everybody to sing songs.
03:22:43.000
What do you think those balloons are that they're shooting?
03:22:53.000
Yeah, they shot a few down, but they missed one time.
03:22:55.000
And so one missile, it's like, I don't know where it went.
03:23:00.000
But that's not an arrow, that's a fucking missile.
03:23:08.000
It went to a fucking inner city school in Saskatoon.
03:23:13.000
Missed Lake Huron object with first missile strike.
03:23:18.000
How'd your uncle tell everybody exactly where it was and then they couldn't hit a balloon?
03:23:28.000
Who's the guy from Fox that just goes there and bothers them?
03:23:31.000
Dude, Peter Doozy was on the flight to Ukraine.
03:23:34.000
He got stuck in Warsaw when Biden went to Ukraine.
03:23:38.000
It was just making me laugh knowing that there's just a guy on the plane that's just like...
03:23:46.000
He's some fucking old guy, like, get this goddamn asshole off this fucking plane.
03:23:53.000
I love how CNN went hard at Trump, like, off, like, not really the news, just trying to gotcha questions.
03:23:59.000
And then Biden wins, and they're like, oh, you guys are going to use the tactics we figured out?
03:24:09.000
Ducey's non-stop, just like, what the fuck are you guys doing?
03:24:12.000
With Trump, it was every fucking press conference.
03:24:24.000
She was like, I didn't expect you to call on me.
03:24:30.000
It's crazy to have a guy who does that who's the president.
03:24:43.000
Because you're, like, I'm the most powerful guy.
03:24:50.000
I've noticed Democrats do it a lot as they laugh.
03:24:53.000
Like, when someone, like, brings something up to them, they go...
03:24:58.000
Do you know how many bodies I have in my count?
03:25:03.000
You're full of shit in a tense gun rights argument.
03:25:14.000
Union worker in fucking Delaware and the president comes in and he's like, you're full of shit.
03:25:19.000
That guy probably fucked everyone in the town after that.
03:25:27.000
Tommy, I like how you stood up to that fucking fascist on CNN. Hell yeah.
03:25:34.000
That is the hard part is the right wing guys are more fun.
03:25:40.000
Like, if you got a union guy with stickers on his helmet that's like fucking saying wild shit and then he argues with the president, it's like nice.
03:25:47.000
The opposite of that is some fucking fat lady with a crew cut being like, Donald Trump is Hitler!
03:25:53.000
You're like, I don't want to hang out with that.
03:25:56.000
I don't want to hang out with that lady with the knit cap that's screaming.
03:26:00.000
You know that one lady with the knit cap that's like...
03:26:07.000
Meanwhile, if the dude with the fucking wolf helmet that broke into the...
03:26:16.000
That guy, the wolf helmet was at your barbecue.
03:26:36.000
They're gonna put him in jail, and he's always gonna have a record now.
03:26:38.000
He's always gonna be that guy that did that, that broke into the White House.
03:26:41.000
That makes sense, that he's always gonna be that guy that did that, but how long is he gonna be in jail?
03:26:50.000
40 months in prison followed by 36 months supervised release.
03:27:10.000
What's fucked is, like, how many of those guys got talked into going into the White House?
03:27:15.000
And how many agents were telling people, get in there and take back what's yours?
03:27:28.000
If I'm trying to sneak drugs out of the plane, all my friends tell me it's fine.
03:27:38.000
So they were like, no, he's not one of us, but also no charges?
03:27:48.000
Like, there's videos of him the night before being like, we gotta get into that building.
03:27:52.000
And dudes that are like, alt-right dudes are like, no.
03:28:00.000
Alex Jones was out there with a bullhorn telling people not to go in.
03:28:12.000
I think now that we've had a couple drinks, we should discuss it.
03:28:17.000
Well, there's so many instances, like the Gretchen Whitmer thing.
03:28:30.000
Yeah, tricked two dumb guys who were going to jail forever.
03:28:34.000
So guys can say, see, our politicians are under attack, we have to do something.
03:28:37.000
It's like, they never would have done anything.
03:28:53.000
There was like six black dudes that got roped in by an FBI informant.
03:28:58.000
They were trying to have a construction business, and the guy was like, he's an FBI informant, he gets 100k for everybody he fucking brings in.
03:29:06.000
He was like, what if we, my uncle's Osama bin Laden, do you want to meet him?
03:29:17.000
And they have hidden cameras, and they're interviewing just a dumb dude from Dade County, and they're like, what do you want to do?
03:29:36.000
I'd love to see Shane's Google search when he's drunk at home alone.
03:29:49.000
They missed Judaism, Christianity, and a little bit of Islam.
03:29:53.000
There was one of them that was like a black Israelite, kind of.
03:29:58.000
But so they just instigated these guys and talked to them into doing things like they do with everybody.
03:30:02.000
They instigated them and they were like, literally they were like, we have no idea what this is.
03:30:12.000
They just talked to them and said, we're going to blow up Chicago.
03:30:36.000
162 months in prison followed by 35 years of supervised release.
03:30:46.000
You know, if he said, hey, you want to meet him, I'd go, I'd like to meet him.
03:30:57.000
If you watch the video, there's like, it's, they're dumb.
03:31:02.000
And also, they're just young, unsophisticated, don't know what's going on, don't know they're getting roped into it.
03:31:12.000
He's just a dumb guy that's like, I get paid to get people captured.
03:31:22.000
There's an incentive to be like, we stopped the terrorist plot.
03:31:23.000
Meanwhile, it's fucking seven dudes from Miami that are morons that never would have done anything.
03:31:30.000
Did any of these men have actual contact with any members of Al-Qaeda that you know of?
03:31:36.000
Did they have any means to carry out this plot?
03:31:39.000
I mean, did you find any explosive weapons, Attorney General?
03:31:48.000
Was there anything against the Sears Tower other than this one apparent just kind of mention of the Sears Tower?
03:31:54.000
It doesn't look like they even took pictures of FBI, director of FBI. One of the individuals was familiar with the Sears Tower, had worked in Chicago, and was familiar with the tower.
03:32:05.000
But in terms of plans, it was more aspirational than operational.
03:32:12.000
They're like, that's the biggest building in the world.
03:32:20.000
It was like those kung fu instructors from the...
03:32:26.000
He was like, we're gonna blow this part of the city up and then there's gonna be a tidal wave.
03:32:33.000
A lot of big shows have been made of the militaristic boots they had.
03:32:42.000
The group might have taken pictures of a bunch of targets in South Florida, but the guys couldn't afford their own cameras, so the federal government bought them the cameras.
03:32:53.000
The federal government rented the cars that they needed to get downtown in order to take the pictures.
03:32:59.000
In addition, the men provided the FBI informant with a list of things they needed in order to blow up these buildings.
03:33:05.000
The FBI's like, can you do anything on your own?
03:33:07.000
But in the list, they didn't include any explosives or any materials which could be used to make explosives.
03:33:19.000
Everyone in Liberty City was joking that the guys were going to kick down the FBI building with their new boots.
03:33:47.000
Followed by an entire European tour at the end of April.
03:33:50.000
Glasgow, London, Manchester, then all through fucking Romania.
03:34:05.000
Going to Australia, UK. I'm coming to your town.
03:34:10.000
MarkNormanComedy.com, We Might Be Drunk, Get Bodega Cat, Tuesdays with Stories.
03:34:29.000
You're going to the fucking cold places in the winter.
03:34:37.000
Come on out, say hello, queef it up, praise Allah.
03:35:00.000
Oh, but me, Big J, Nick Mullen, and Tim Dillon are doing two shows.
03:35:06.000
We're doing one in the Giant Center in Hershey, PA, and then one of them's in South Carolina.
03:35:22.000
Yeah, we've got to come up with a dumb name for it.
03:35:25.000
My name and my current tour is the Many People Believe that Tony Hinchcliffe is a Gay Tour.
03:35:44.000
I don't think we need to do any editing on this one.
03:35:46.000
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