The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #1978 - Ms Pat

00:00:14.000 It's good to see you.

00:00:15.000 It's good to see you too.

00:00:17.000 What's happening?

00:00:19.000 Life.

00:00:19.000 Life is good.

00:00:20.000 I moved back to Atlanta.

00:00:21.000 My husband retired.

00:00:23.000 I'm having fun.

00:00:24.000 I'm getting ready to move into my first theater tour called Your Girl Done Made It.

00:00:28.000 That's beautiful.

00:00:30.000 Life is beautiful.

00:00:31.000 That's exciting.

00:00:32.000 How's your show doing?

00:00:33.000 My show is doing great.

00:00:36.000 We just wrapped it.

00:00:37.000 Well, the third season just came out in February.

00:00:39.000 Got some big news coming.

00:00:41.000 You know, see what the fourth season got to give.

00:00:43.000 You know, it's going great. 1.00

00:00:44.000 It's a funny fucking show. 0.99

00:00:46.000 Thank you. 0.99

00:00:47.000 People are loving it.

00:00:48.000 It's a real sitcom, you know, and there's not a lot of those anymore.

00:00:51.000 It's not.

00:00:52.000 It's not.

00:00:53.000 And that's, you know, we was nominated for an Emmy.

00:00:55.000 Nice.

00:00:56.000 First time for BET or BET Plus.

00:00:59.000 Really?

00:00:59.000 Yes, yes, yes.

00:01:01.000 The director got nominated for such a great episode.

00:01:04.000 And so we can repeat this year.

00:01:06.000 Who's that gentleman that you brought with me last time?

00:01:09.000 Your executive producer?

00:01:10.000 Yeah, he created a show with me, Jordan Cooper.

00:01:12.000 Jordan Cooper is a genius.

00:01:14.000 That young man.

00:01:16.000 How old is he?

00:01:17.000 I think he's 27 now.

00:01:19.000 That's insane.

00:01:21.000 I've never met anybody who knows more about TV. When he was telling us about the history of how Lucy and Desi Arnaz controlled that show and how they took it and took it on tour and then made it into a television show.

00:01:33.000 I didn't know all that shit. 0.99

00:01:35.000 He loves TV. We just, we did a whole Lucy and Ethel, me and Tammy Roman, because people love us together. 0.99

00:01:42.000 He brought her into, you know, he casted her before he dang near casted me.

00:01:47.000 And he put us together and he said, I'm telling you, y'all gonna be like Lucy and Ethel.

00:01:52.000 And that's what the world think we are now.

00:01:54.000 And they love us together.

00:01:56.000 Shout out to Tammy Roman. 1.00

00:01:57.000 Shout out to Tammy Roman. 1.00

00:01:58.000 I'm so glad your show has caught steam because that genre for comedians is kind of a dying genre.

00:02:06.000 You don't really see sitcoms much anymore.

00:02:09.000 Not with comedians.

00:02:10.000 Thank God I had a million and one stories.

00:02:13.000 You know, thank God that, you know, we on BET Plus because they let us push the envelope.

00:02:18.000 They don't, you know, they don't want to wrap it up in a bowl.

00:02:20.000 They let us wrap it up the Ms. Padway. 0.98

00:02:22.000 So we talked about everything the last three seasons from, you know, from me having a gay daughter, the gay experience, you know, being in jail, being a teenage mama, hating my mother, being molested.

00:02:34.000 We just did a...

00:02:35.000 Black hair.

00:02:36.000 We just did an episode on me being molested by my mama's boyfriend, which was very funny, but also very touching.

00:02:44.000 And I did the episode to let people know that you can't change the past.

00:02:49.000 All you can do is look for what's in front of you.

00:02:52.000 So don't whine about it.

00:02:53.000 Find a way to laugh about it.

00:02:54.000 And it was a very serious episode that hit home for a lot of the people who watched the Miss Pat show, but they was able to laugh at it.

00:03:01.000 That's a complicated subject to try to make funny.

00:03:04.000 I try to make everything funny, Joe.

00:03:06.000 I know you do.

00:03:07.000 No, I tell people, it's my story.

00:03:10.000 So I got the right to react to it the way I want to.

00:03:15.000 I could be somewhere crying.

00:03:16.000 For what?

00:03:17.000 I found the funny, and we wrote it into an episode.

00:03:20.000 And people was like, thank you, Miss Pat.

00:03:23.000 You make me realize that I don't have to cry about what happened to me 10 years ago or 20 years ago.

00:03:28.000 Forgive them and move the hell on.

00:03:30.000 My mama's boyfriend is dead. 0.99

00:03:31.000 Other people who molest me is dead.

00:03:33.000 Hey, look at me now.

00:03:34.000 Even my kid's father, I talked about him many times to you.

00:03:37.000 I mean, he working at Jiffy Lube's and he done had like four heart attacks.

00:03:40.000 I wish him well.

00:03:42.000 I'm okay.

00:03:44.000 And that's what it's all about.

00:03:45.000 It's about me.

00:03:47.000 That's a great attitude to have to go through life, because you really can't change the past.

00:03:52.000 No, you cannot.

00:03:53.000 But I can control what's happening to me now.

00:03:57.000 What I love about your show is your show is doing things that some of the great old sitcoms did.

00:04:06.000 People thought that that multi-camera shoot We're doing it in front of a live audience.

00:04:12.000 People thought you weren't doing that anymore, which is kind of crazy because that used to be the thing that everybody wanted to do.

00:04:18.000 You know, all the way back to, you know, before Seinfeld, Sanford and Son, I mean, all in the family.

00:04:26.000 They did all those shows with an audience.

00:04:29.000 Well, they went to canned laughter, you know, which was much easier.

00:04:34.000 You know, if you ain't wrote nothing that's not funny and you ain't got nobody sitting there, you can just drop in the laughter.

00:04:39.000 What shows used only canned?

00:04:41.000 I think, you know, I saw a clip of the Big Bang Theory, and it was a Big Bang Theory, but without the laughs.

00:04:49.000 Like, they removed the laughs so you could see, like, what the show actually is.

00:04:54.000 And, like, why are people laughing at this?

00:04:55.000 This is strange.

00:04:57.000 Yeah.

00:04:58.000 I don't know if that was a retake, because you know how it is.

00:05:01.000 Sometimes you have to do retakes, and sometimes you do them when the crowd's not there.

00:05:05.000 Well, last time I talked about Big Bang Theory, I got in trouble from little white girls. 1.00

00:05:08.000 So they was down my throat. 0.99

00:05:10.000 They were sending me death threats like they were all going to clone themselves together and whoop my ass, because I didn't recognize the star of the Big Bang Theory. 0.98

00:05:19.000 I mean, I've never watched The Big Bang Theory, but I'm quite sure a lot of sitcoms taped that way without a lot of studio audience. 0.96

00:05:27.000 And you can even look at sitcoms now who do use canned laughter.

00:05:31.000 The laughter is when they're going up the steps or when they're combing their hair. 1.00

00:05:35.000 You'll be like, who the fuck edited this shit? 1.00

00:05:36.000 This ain't right. 1.00

00:05:37.000 This ain't funny.

00:05:38.000 They're just trying to make it too funny.

00:05:40.000 With us, he wanted that Lucy feel.

00:05:45.000 He wanted the old school feel.

00:05:46.000 And we taped in front of a live studio audience in Atlanta, Joe, had never been done, for a sitcom, a multicam.

00:05:54.000 So when we got there, the camera people had never did it before in Atlanta.

00:05:58.000 So it was a teaching moment for first season.

00:06:00.000 Oh, wow.

00:06:01.000 So now they got the hookup.

00:06:03.000 That means, you know, everybody know what they're doing.

00:06:05.000 Now we're turning away audience members.

00:06:07.000 The third season, we was turning people away.

00:06:10.000 That's great.

00:06:11.000 So they're loving it.

00:06:12.000 And it's like a party.

00:06:13.000 It's like a family reunion.

00:06:15.000 People come from everywhere to come to see Ms. Pat's show in Atlanta.

00:06:18.000 Well, what he did, what everyone did, is capture the essence of your stand-up and of you on podcasts.

00:06:26.000 Yes.

00:06:27.000 Like, why people love you.

00:06:28.000 And to put that into a sitcom and not make it corny, like, I told you last time I saw it, well, before I saw it, I was like, I was skeptical.

00:06:36.000 I love you.

00:06:38.000 I think you're hilarious.

00:06:39.000 The last thing I want to see is you in some mediocre version of the Miss Pat life. 1.00

00:06:44.000 But they nailed it.

00:06:45.000 That's hard to do.

00:06:47.000 It's very complicated.

00:06:48.000 Because you're telling a story, you have all these characters interacting with each other, and you've got to wrap it up within a certain time frame.

00:06:55.000 Because of streaming, do you have a specific number of minutes you have to do, or do you have more flexibility?

00:07:01.000 A little bit.

00:07:01.000 They might give you 33, but no more than 35. They be screaming, cut it!

00:07:07.000 And Joy be saying, no, you're going to mess up the whole part of the show.

00:07:11.000 Don't cut it.

00:07:11.000 So we fight a lot about a little longer episodes, and BET is pretty much open-minded with it.

00:07:17.000 I mean, if we ask them, if we beg them not to cut it because it's going to mess it up, sometimes they'll let it go.

00:07:24.000 But the good part about it, they'll move it over to linear, and then, you know, they'll cut a lot of stuff out.

00:07:29.000 And I'll be like, hey, y'all, the show is a lot better if you just go back over to BET+. Yeah.

00:07:33.000 That sucks that they have to do it that way because that has to be 22 minutes. 0.89

00:07:36.000 Is that what it is? 0.95

00:07:37.000 Yeah.

00:07:37.000 And they take the monologue out.

00:07:39.000 And I hated the monologue.

00:07:41.000 And people love the monologue.

00:07:43.000 And the monologue is kind of like when Seinfeld did a joke up front.

00:07:47.000 But mine is more where I tell you how I'm feeling and what you about to get in the show.

00:07:52.000 So every episode.

00:07:54.000 And I hated them because I had to learn them like I had to learn the strip.

00:07:57.000 And sometime the day before...

00:07:59.000 But you just hate them because they're hard to do.

00:08:01.000 But do you love the final product, like how it looks on the show?

00:08:05.000 I do love the final product.

00:08:06.000 And, you know, I have a lot of control with this show.

00:08:08.000 So I'm thankful for that.

00:08:10.000 That's amazing.

00:08:11.000 Because I've heard horror stories where you don't get a lot of control.

00:08:14.000 Yeah.

00:08:15.000 You know, and they'll have people writing you the way that you're not. 1.00

00:08:18.000 But it's so foolish, too, because of the person like you. 0.99

00:08:20.000 It's so clear that you know what you're doing. 1.00

00:08:22.000 Like, you've been doing it a long time.

00:08:24.000 Just let her do it in the sense of a sitcom. 1.00

00:08:26.000 Just get the pieces in play.

00:08:28.000 And that's what I always tell them.

00:08:30.000 I say, you know, one thing I know, Joe, is I know funny.

00:08:33.000 I know me and I know the type of funny that I'm trying to put out.

00:08:36.000 And that's all I ask them, to move out the way and give me the space.

00:08:39.000 You know, I don't want to explain every joke to you.

00:08:43.000 It might not be for you.

00:08:45.000 Right. 0.99

00:08:45.000 So, you know, that's one of the reasons why I'm really glad we at BET Plus, too, because we can be black as hell. 0.99

00:08:53.000 I'm not in a room with a whole bunch of white execs who's scared to say nappy. 0.98

00:08:57.000 Are you allowed to swear?

00:08:59.000 Can you say basically anything you want?

00:09:01.000 We say everything. 1.00

00:09:01.000 Bitch, ho, motherfucker, nigga. 1.00

00:09:03.000 We say everything. 1.00

00:09:04.000 We talk like Miss Pat talk for real.

00:09:07.000 Like families talk for real.

00:09:08.000 Now, I will say this.

00:09:09.000 Black folks do come out and say, she don't represent the black family. 0.79

00:09:12.000 No, I don't represent you.

00:09:14.000 I represent me.

00:09:15.000 I'm not out here trying to recreate your family.

00:09:17.000 What I did was put my family on TV. And if your family can relate or if you can relate, then come on and get on this train, baby.

00:09:26.000 Who couldn't relate?

00:09:28.000 You guys do an amazing job of setting it up.

00:09:31.000 It's a great show.

00:09:32.000 Thank you.

00:09:33.000 It really is.

00:09:35.000 It's not a black show.

00:09:36.000 It's a show that relates to everybody.

00:09:40.000 I have people from all walks of life walk up to me, tell me, I download BET Plus just for you.

00:09:46.000 I believe that.

00:09:47.000 It's a very unique show.

00:09:48.000 And it is.

00:09:49.000 I mean, it's about the experience that I went through in life that relates to everybody.

00:09:54.000 And it's the coolest thing when I see an old white dude and a young, hip, black dude. 0.92

00:10:00.000 They ain't got shit in common, but they both like Miss Pat. 1.00

00:10:02.000 And when I go to the club and I perform, they'll both come up and say, I love your show. 0.97

00:10:08.000 And that's what I know. 1.00

00:10:09.000 I said, oh, this shit ain't black. 1.00

00:10:10.000 This shit for everybody. 1.00

00:10:12.000 Yeah, that's beautiful. 1.00

00:10:13.000 I love when old ladies come up to me at like an airport and told me they love the podcast. 0.97

00:10:19.000 Like old ladies. 1.00

00:10:21.000 I had these old ladies. 1.00

00:10:22.000 They were like in their 80s, man.

00:10:24.000 You'd be surprised.

00:10:26.000 Young white guys have a thing for me. 1.00

00:10:29.000 I don't know if they want a nanny or some old black pussy. 1.00

00:10:32.000 I don't know what they want, Joe. 1.00

00:10:36.000 Maybe both.

00:10:38.000 Maybe both at the same time.

00:10:40.000 They don't want mine.

00:10:41.000 I don't shave on a regular, but hey. 1.00

00:10:44.000 I can't get into this new bald head vagina shit, Joe. 1.00

00:10:47.000 No? 1.00

00:10:48.000 No, I ain't got time about that shit. 1.00

00:10:49.000 I got a garage on top of my vagina. 1.00

00:10:52.000 I ain't got time to put in that shit back once a week to catch no hell. 1.00

00:10:56.000 It's crazy how the pubic hair thing just vanished. 1.00

00:11:01.000 Everybody used to have pubic hair.

00:11:03.000 You watch the old porns.

00:11:04.000 For all of history, people had pubic hair. 0.82

00:11:06.000 But back in the day, it made you look like you had a fat cat. 1.00

00:11:09.000 A fat pussy. 1.00

00:11:10.000 You put your underwear on your thick down there. 1.00

00:11:13.000 Now you put your underwear on this thick into the vagina. 1.00

00:11:15.000 I'm like, weird men get into bald head pussy. 1.00

00:11:18.000 It is weird because I experienced it through high school. 1.00

00:11:22.000 When I was in high school, that's when porn first came out.

00:11:26.000 When I was in high school was the first time VHS tapes came out, so people could rent porn.

00:11:32.000 And that's when the pubic hair thing changed. 0.98

00:11:34.000 It changed first in porn, and it changed in everybody else.

00:11:38.000 Well, I think what the problem was is when we have such beautiful black It froze down there, so you couldn't get the whole vision. 0.99

00:11:45.000 So some white man went down there and got vagina hair stuck in his throat, which I call nappy grip. 1.00

00:11:53.000 He thought the pussy was going to kill him, so it was a new rule. 1.00

00:11:56.000 All pussies must be shaved. 1.00

00:11:59.000 That's just my thought, y'all. 1.00

00:12:01.000 I don't know how true that is.

00:12:02.000 I dated this girl in high school, and she was kind of wild. 0.96

00:12:05.000 And she was dating this guy, and she broke up with the guy, and her and I hooked up, and she goes, I'm embarrassed.

00:12:12.000 I can't let you see me.

00:12:14.000 I go, why? 1.00

00:12:15.000 She goes, he made me shave my pussy. 1.00

00:12:17.000 And I just started laughing. 1.00

00:12:18.000 It was the funniest thing to me. 1.00

00:12:20.000 When I was like 16 years old, it was hilarious that someone was ashamed that they had a shaved pussy. 1.00

00:12:27.000 I only do it when they get caught in the side of my underwear. 1.00

00:12:31.000 I've been with the same man 31 years. 0.99

00:12:33.000 He didn't give a fucking mind, fall off and be on my kneecap. 1.00

00:12:36.000 Baby, did you cook today? 1.00

00:12:37.000 Or have you ordered Uber Eats?

00:12:39.000 Or what show you want to watch?

00:12:42.000 That's why I don't cheat.

00:12:43.000 I keep the same one I got, so I ain't got to get no new rules.

00:12:47.000 No new problems.

00:12:48.000 No new problems.

00:12:49.000 Some people love problems.

00:12:50.000 Some people do love problems.

00:12:52.000 I don't like problems.

00:12:53.000 I'm not a fan. 0.99

00:12:55.000 I just ask people to leave me the fuck alone, Joe. 0.99

00:12:58.000 Let me be mean. 0.99

00:12:59.000 You know, people always say, well, what do you think about the council culture? 0.99

00:13:02.000 I say, shit, American Express been counseling me. 1.00

00:13:08.000 The rest of you motherfuckers don't matter. 1.00

00:13:10.000 They don't lower my limits. 1.00

00:13:11.000 So, hey, it is what it is.

00:13:14.000 Do you think that a show like yours, it's like in this day and age, it seems so hard to put one of those things together.

00:13:25.000 It used to be every night on all the major networks, it was mostly sitcoms.

00:13:31.000 It was Friends and Seinfeld and I was on one news radio.

00:13:36.000 There was all these shows, Wings. 0.97

00:13:39.000 There was all these shows and there's fucking none of them now. 0.96

00:13:42.000 There's so few. 0.94

00:13:43.000 So when I see a show like yours come around and do it in a new way, successfully, and really get you, I'm like, this can be done.

00:13:53.000 This can be done.

00:13:54.000 And no comics are, like, trying to get sitcoms anymore.

00:13:58.000 It used to be, when I was in the 90s, when I was out here, there was pilot season, and everybody was just scrambling to get a sitcom.

00:14:06.000 It was like the holy grails.

00:14:07.000 We were all out here for the lottery.

00:14:09.000 Everybody was ready.

00:14:10.000 We'd come out here for pilot season.

00:14:11.000 Everybody would go to Hollywood.

00:14:13.000 Yes.

00:14:14.000 Now no one knows. 0.99

00:14:14.000 It's fucking gone. 0.99

00:14:16.000 Well, you don't need it anymore. 0.99

00:14:17.000 You have stuff like podcasts.

00:14:18.000 You can create your own stuff with no rules that will blow you the fuck up.

00:14:24.000 But...

00:14:24.000 When I see someone doing something like you're doing, I go, there's still room for that funny sitcom.

00:14:30.000 It can still be done.

00:14:32.000 It's still a great thing to watch.

00:14:34.000 One of the things that I tell you that I ran into with building a sitcom is like writers.

00:14:39.000 So you deal with the writers that have been in Hollywood so long and they're stuck in this box.

00:14:44.000 I literally had writers say, they're never going to let you do that.

00:14:47.000 And I'm like, they're going to let me do me.

00:14:49.000 They hired me. 1.00

00:14:50.000 You knew what the fuck you was getting when you gave me that first deposit. 1.00

00:14:53.000 And I told you, I ain't get hit with no pie and I ain't chasing no dick like they say fat girls do. 1.00

00:14:58.000 I've been having six since sixth grade. 0.99

00:14:59.000 Two things I told Hollywood.

00:15:01.000 You can never give me as much money as I can steal from you.

00:15:03.000 Now let's make this show.

00:15:05.000 So, a lot of... 0.99

00:15:09.000 I think a lot of writers are just stuck inside the box and they just recycle the same fucking joke. 0.99

00:15:15.000 If I heard it, I don't want it. 1.00

00:15:17.000 If it's close to what I've heard before in the barber shop on another show, I'd be like, get that shit out of here. 0.99

00:15:22.000 Let's go back to the drawing board. 0.99

00:15:24.000 And that's one of the things we write on the floor, a joke. 1.00

00:15:27.000 I'd be like, I heard that shit. 1.00

00:15:28.000 I'm a comedian. 1.00

00:15:29.000 You can't give me nothing that ain't heard.

00:15:31.000 I don't heard it from the white side to the black side to any other side because I play both sides of the ring. 1.00

00:15:36.000 So you can't pull that shit off on me. 1.00

00:15:38.000 And a lot of times I'm like, no, I'm not doing that wacky shit. 1.00

00:15:41.000 We ain't doing that. 0.98

00:15:42.000 I think a lot of them lose their passion.

00:15:44.000 You know, I think they do it so long and it becomes a job like they're a plumber now or they're just, you know, hanging wallboard.

00:15:52.000 They're just doing a job.

00:15:53.000 And Hollywood would drain you, too. 0.99

00:15:55.000 All those no's, and you have people up there that are making decisions that don't know shit about, really don't know shit about TV, some of them. 0.97

00:16:03.000 What is that movie that came out? 0.98

00:16:05.000 A crazy-ass movie with the, he was like a superhero.

00:16:08.000 And that movie, it was on the shelf for a couple years.

00:16:14.000 Was Ben Affleck in it?

00:16:17.000 What movie?

00:16:18.000 He had on a mask. 0.98

00:16:19.000 It's a crazy-ass movie. 0.94

00:16:22.000 It was a hit. 0.91

00:16:23.000 And I think they're making a third one.

00:16:25.000 Not Deadpool.

00:16:26.000 Deadpool.

00:16:27.000 Deadpool.

00:16:28.000 Okay.

00:16:29.000 Well, you know, Deadpool.

00:16:31.000 Ryan Reynolds.

00:16:33.000 Ryan Reynolds.

00:16:34.000 Ryan Reynolds.

00:16:35.000 Because I got my white guys mixed up. 0.73

00:16:36.000 I'm sorry.

00:16:36.000 I get him mixed up with the other Ryan.

00:16:38.000 What's the other one?

00:16:38.000 Gosling.

00:16:39.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:16:40.000 I never know who the fuck's who. 0.99

00:16:42.000 That guy who wrote that, I heard he said no many times. 1.00

00:16:45.000 And when somebody finally said, yeah, it was a fucking hit. 1.00

00:16:48.000 It was a fucking hit. 1.00

00:16:50.000 So just think about how that guy, the writer heard that first no, and he threw his shit in the trash can. 1.00

00:16:57.000 Look what he would have thrown away. 1.00

00:16:59.000 So that tells you somebody didn't know what the fuck they was doing. 0.98

00:17:03.000 Well, a lot of these executives, they don't create. 0.99

00:17:05.000 So they're not really artists, but yet they're in control of what gets created.

00:17:10.000 And the problem with that is they start to think of themselves like artists.

00:17:13.000 They start to think that they're smart and they know the system.

00:17:16.000 They buy what they like, not what the people like.

00:17:18.000 Well, they just think they know what they're doing.

00:17:20.000 But I feel like it's like, and certain writers I feel like this way too, especially comedy writers.

00:17:25.000 I feel like if you're not doing stand-up, Your sense of what is actually funny and not actually funny is just not that good.

00:17:32.000 Sometimes they're hilarious, sometimes they're perfect, and sometimes it just misses.

00:17:38.000 And I think where a comic would go like, that one, you can't do that one.

00:17:41.000 That one's not gonna fly.

00:17:43.000 But a writer would be like, I think this will work.

00:17:45.000 Yeah.

00:17:46.000 And you're like, no, no, no, this is definitely not gonna work. 1.00

00:17:48.000 Shit ain't funny. 0.99

00:17:48.000 This is not funny to me. 0.99

00:17:49.000 It's not funny.

00:17:50.000 This is like, it doesn't work.

00:17:52.000 It doesn't work in my head.

00:17:53.000 I can't imagine that this is funny.

00:17:57.000 Well, it's a lot of that.

00:17:58.000 And it's a lot of not that.

00:18:00.000 You can't be honest. 0.99

00:18:02.000 Like, you know, I went in, I think I told you this last time, the first time I had a right run, I was like, that shit whack. 1.00

00:18:07.000 That shit horrible. 1.00

00:18:08.000 They was like, you can't say that? 1.00

00:18:10.000 I'm like, I can't tell a motherfucker when they ain't funny? 1.00

00:18:14.000 So, when it's coming, you be like, that motherfucker suck, right, Joe? 1.00

00:18:17.000 But no, I had to go to counselor and say, can we try again? 1.00

00:18:21.000 Is there a better way?

00:18:23.000 They counseled you?

00:18:24.000 Yes!

00:18:25.000 They got me a whole person to reprogram me.

00:18:31.000 To say, I had to say a corporate rate. 1.00

00:18:34.000 I couldn't say, you know, that shit booty. 1.00

00:18:36.000 It's garbage. 1.00

00:18:37.000 You know, kill yourself. 1.00

00:18:39.000 That's what we say is coming. 1.00

00:18:40.000 Yeah, you have to be able to say that. 1.00

00:18:42.000 That shit sucks. 1.00

00:18:43.000 Yeah, you can't say that when you're in the writer room. 1.00

00:18:46.000 And I had to tell one writer, I said, stop fucking laughing at yourself. 1.00

00:18:51.000 Only you think this shit is funny. 1.00

00:18:53.000 Nobody else think this shit is funny but you. 1.00

00:18:55.000 And then you say, he'll be cracking up. 1.00

00:18:57.000 And then the person he brought with him be cracking up. 1.00

00:18:59.000 And I'm like, y'all literally sucking at each other's dick. 1.00

00:19:01.000 Stop laughing. 1.00

00:19:02.000 That's that fake producer laugh.

00:19:04.000 When you do a run-through and they know the jokes, they're like...

00:19:09.000 They have a fake laugh.

00:19:11.000 It's so distracting.

00:19:12.000 I tell you, so when I was shooting my sitcom, somebody else was shooting the sitcom, so we would go watch.

00:19:18.000 And this is when I learned that they hire laughers.

00:19:21.000 So all of these people sitting over in the bench, me and Jordan over there, we looking around.

00:19:25.000 And so at a certain point, they all start laughing. 0.99

00:19:28.000 I said, this shit don't sound right. 0.99

00:19:30.000 Why they in sync? 1.00

00:19:31.000 Why they laughing like a group?

00:19:33.000 And so, somebody on the set said, oh, those are hard laughers.

00:19:37.000 I was like, what?

00:19:39.000 Those are higher laughers.

00:19:40.000 Then the producer was laughing.

00:19:42.000 I said, one thing we're not going to do, Jordan. 0.98

00:19:43.000 We're going to have no motherfucking higher laughters. 0.97

00:19:45.000 We're not going to do that. 0.98

00:19:46.000 If they don't laugh, then we're going to go back and rewrite.

00:19:48.000 So shooting a pilot in L.A. taught me a lot.

00:19:52.000 I was so glad we could move that show to Atlanta because Atlanta going to let you know. 0.99

00:19:57.000 Black folk ain't going to fucking spend their money on those chicken and wings and not fucking get no good laugh. 1.00

00:20:03.000 They'll throw that shit at you. 1.00

00:20:04.000 Black folk going to let you know. 1.00

00:20:05.000 That shit ain't funny, Pat. 1.00

00:20:07.000 White people are nice. 1.00

00:20:08.000 At least you tried.

00:20:12.000 Paid laughter.

00:20:13.000 That's crazy.

00:20:15.000 Yeah, they have paid laughter.

00:20:16.000 That's so confusing.

00:20:18.000 Very.

00:20:19.000 I guess that makes sense, though, with a lot of sitcoms.

00:20:22.000 Because some of them, it just doesn't make sense.

00:20:24.000 I'm like, I don't understand what everyone's laughing at.

00:20:26.000 It's like they just keep you just slack-jawed, just paying attention.

00:20:31.000 Just enough.

00:20:32.000 Just enough to get you through the commercial.

00:20:34.000 Just to keep you on.

00:20:35.000 That's all they have to do.

00:20:37.000 I mean, it's all they're doing is just trying to keep you there.

00:20:39.000 Sell advertisement.

00:20:41.000 That's what they're trying to do.

00:20:42.000 If you can get you through to the Tide commercial, you might like the Tide commercial better.

00:20:46.000 We'll sell you some Prozac.

00:20:48.000 I mean, that's what it is.

00:20:53.000 They're just biding time.

00:20:56.000 I don't watch a lot of TV. I'm busy these days, but I do watch The Blacklist.

00:21:01.000 That's about it.

00:21:02.000 Which one's The Blacklist?

00:21:04.000 NBC. What is it?

00:21:06.000 James Spader?

00:21:07.000 Oh, that's that one. 1.00

00:21:09.000 That shit's been on forever. 1.00

00:21:11.000 Nine seasons. 1.00

00:21:12.000 That's crazy.

00:21:13.000 I like Handmaid's Tale, too.

00:21:14.000 That's a good show?

00:21:15.000 The Blacklist is a good show? 0.98

00:21:17.000 Yeah, very.

00:21:18.000 Really?

00:21:18.000 It's a very good show.

00:21:19.000 I love that.

00:21:20.000 I like Handmaid's Tale, too, on Hulu.

00:21:24.000 Oh, yeah.

00:21:25.000 I couldn't watch that.

00:21:26.000 That bothered me.

00:21:27.000 Why?

00:21:28.000 I don't know. 1.00

00:21:28.000 It reminds me of the Republican Party trying to lock the pussy down. 1.00

00:21:36.000 I say, this is what we're heading to, ladies. 1.00

00:21:38.000 They're trying to control our cliques.

00:21:41.000 What do you think that's about?

00:21:42.000 These little political moves.

00:21:44.000 I think there's always more to it when people do things like try to ban abortion or try to do something to incite people in one way or another.

00:21:53.000 I feel like more of it is just to keep us out of each other's throats than it is anything.

00:22:00.000 I think if you let America vote, way more people are going to vote that women should have the right to choose. 1.00

00:22:05.000 This is my pussy. 1.00

00:22:06.000 Way more. 1.00

00:22:06.000 This is my pussy. 1.00

00:22:07.000 And I say this all the time. 1.00

00:22:09.000 What's like the national, do they have a polling, like an estimation of how people feel about a woman's right to choose? 0.88

00:22:19.000 Women feel like you can't tell us what to do, Joe. 1.00

00:22:21.000 If I want to stick firecrackers in it and blow it up, it ain't your business.

00:22:25.000 I'm not telling you not to smoke your joint, so why are you going to tell me what to do? 0.99

00:22:29.000 And I know that your viewers are going to say, oh, it's not the fucking thing. 0.99

00:22:31.000 It's my body. 0.99

00:22:32.000 I've had an abortion.

00:22:33.000 I've had a few.

00:22:34.000 It's my choice.

00:22:36.000 You can't tell people what they can and can't do. 0.98

00:22:39.000 They don't ever do anything to control y'all dicks, Joe. 0.99

00:22:42.000 They don't tell y'all y'all can't get circumcised. 0.99

00:22:45.000 They don't do none of that good stuff.

00:22:47.000 61% of Americans say abortion should be legal.

00:22:50.000 That's kind of interesting, because I thought it would be higher.

00:22:53.000 I thought it would be like 70%.

00:22:54.000 And if you don't have a womb, you shouldn't be voting. 0.98

00:22:57.000 Yeah, it gets to be a religious thing.

00:23:01.000 It's a very religious thing.

00:23:02.000 This guy that I had on was telling me that he believes it's at the moment of conception.

00:23:06.000 So you're saying that if someone gets raped, and they get pregnant, and it's conception, the moment of conception has arrived, and you give them a morning-after pill, you think that's wrong. 0.96

00:23:21.000 You think that child should carry this rapist baby. 0.93

00:23:25.000 If you could stop it right after conception. 0.99

00:23:30.000 We're not talking about a nine-month-old fetus.

00:23:34.000 We're talking about the very moment.

00:23:36.000 Nope, two wrongs don't make a right.

00:23:38.000 This is crazy talk.

00:23:40.000 You're going to ruin a child's life because they've been...

00:23:43.000 I mean, the whole thing is just maddening.

00:23:47.000 But it's one of those things where it gets to be late-term abortions. 1.00

00:23:50.000 You're like, Jesus Christ, what is that?

00:23:52.000 Yeah.

00:23:53.000 That freaks me out.

00:23:54.000 Now, I can't see nobody killing a baby six, seven, eight months. 1.00

00:23:58.000 That's a damn baby. 1.00

00:24:00.000 Yeah, I knew a dude in New York and his girlfriend had a late-term abortion. 1.00

00:24:03.000 They were fighting over it.

00:24:04.000 She wanted to have the baby, and he didn't.

00:24:06.000 And it was pretty late.

00:24:07.000 She was showing.

00:24:09.000 And I don't know how they did it.

00:24:11.000 I don't know what the story was, but it was weird.

00:24:14.000 It was like, that's kind of killing a baby.

00:24:16.000 Yeah.

00:24:17.000 It is.

00:24:18.000 It is.

00:24:18.000 I mean, but so is you shooting off in a sock.

00:24:20.000 No, it's not.

00:24:21.000 No, shooting off in a sock is just getting rid of loads.

00:24:24.000 If you heated it up, it would grow into something.

00:24:26.000 No, it doesn't.

00:24:27.000 If it had an egg to connect.

00:24:29.000 Yeah, but it doesn't. 1.00

00:24:30.000 How many of those babies shout out your balls trying to make it and then you put in a fucking sock instead of a wound? 1.00

00:24:35.000 Well, I'm not really a sock guy, but... 1.00

00:24:37.000 Well, let me guess. 1.00

00:24:39.000 You put it in your weed, you roll it in a glove, you know where the fuck you put your sperm at, Joe. 1.00

00:24:44.000 I hope at this age you ain't shooting, no. 1.00

00:24:46.000 You got a wife. 1.00

00:24:49.000 But hey, some days you don't want to do the hard work, leaving the bitch's legs. 1.00

00:24:54.000 I know when my husband smiled, I said, did you have fun by yourself? 1.00

00:24:58.000 He's like, I didn't have to hold up your big ass legs today. 1.00

00:25:00.000 Oh, Jesus Christ. 0.99

00:25:02.000 That's hilarious.

00:25:04.000 Yeah, it's, I mean, it's not, it's not a thing that you, if you make it like a national mandate, like that you can't do, or a national law that you can't do it, people are just going to find other ways to get abortions.

00:25:18.000 They're going to do it illegally.

00:25:19.000 You're going to create You're gonna create criminals out of people that just want control of their body. 0.94

00:25:25.000 But the thing that drives me crazy about these issues is it seems like there's certain things like gay marriage is one of them. 0.99

00:25:31.000 That's another one.

00:25:32.000 It's almost like people want people to fight over these things.

00:25:36.000 Because people are so opposed to it one way or another and they never get resolved.

00:25:41.000 Gay marriage has been bouncing around since I was a kid.

00:25:45.000 I remember when I lived in San Francisco, we lived in a gay neighborhood.

00:25:48.000 Who cares?

00:25:50.000 Back then, it was like, and I was like, well, hopefully they'll sort this out.

00:25:54.000 They're never going to sort it out.

00:25:55.000 It's 2023!

00:25:56.000 Now with these Jesus freaks. 0.97

00:25:57.000 There's still people that say that they should stop gay marriage. 1.00

00:26:00.000 I think people should mind their fucking business. 1.00

00:26:02.000 If you don't mind your fucking business and worry about your own relationship, this will be a better country. 1.00

00:26:07.000 If you stop worrying about gay people doing anything, I guarantee you gay people is having way more fun than straight people. 1.00

00:26:14.000 So you stop being jealous because you're miserable. 1.00

00:26:17.000 Your husband's dick don't work or your dick don't work or you got to go to church every day and you got to continue to bake pies that you don't want to bake. 1.00

00:26:24.000 Mind your fucking business and we will be happy. 1.00

00:26:27.000 My daughter is gay. 1.00

00:26:28.000 I don't give a fuck about these hoes. 1.00

00:26:29.000 She be fucking Joe. 1.00

00:26:30.000 Isn't it always men that worry about gay men too? 1.00

00:26:34.000 Yeah, because they dig that. 0.99

00:26:34.000 And then they ended up being gay. 0.99

00:26:36.000 They ended up being gay. 1.00

00:26:37.000 You catch them somewhere at a fucking house picking up little boys and shit. 1.00

00:26:40.000 But wait a minute, Congressman, wasn't you just fighting to say you can't be doing this shit? 1.00

00:26:45.000 But you're in the bathroom tapping your feet in Atlanta, huh? 1.00

00:26:48.000 Yeah, how many women are out there trying to stop gay marriage? 1.00

00:26:51.000 None. 1.00

00:26:52.000 They don't give a fuck. 0.99

00:26:54.000 Because you know why? 0.99

00:26:55.000 Because who can please us better?

00:26:58.000 Women know what women want. 1.00

00:26:59.000 Men know what men want.

00:27:00.000 That's why they get with each other. 1.00

00:27:02.000 So leave people the fuck alone. 1.00

00:27:04.000 Leave people the fuck alone. 1.00

00:27:05.000 I guarantee you my daughter can eat pussy better than you, Joe Rogan. 1.00

00:27:08.000 Wow. 1.00

00:27:09.000 Strong statement.

00:27:12.000 I'll have to take you on your word.

00:27:14.000 She probably knows some things I don't know.

00:27:15.000 I guarantee you she do. 1.00

00:27:17.000 She keeps her dick in her purse, and she do what she do. 1.00

00:27:20.000 I believe it. 1.00

00:27:21.000 Yeah, so, you know. 0.80

00:27:23.000 What infuriates me is this idea that people are not supposed to be gay. 0.98

00:27:27.000 Like, clearly, they're just gay. 0.99

00:27:29.000 No, nah, they're born. 0.99

00:27:30.000 They're born that way. 0.99

00:27:31.000 I have a gay daughter.

00:27:33.000 Um... 0.91

00:27:34.000 And I knew when my daughter was real young that she had some gay tendencies.

00:27:40.000 I told you this story before.

00:27:41.000 My mother-in-law said, this girl, you need to pray over her. 0.99

00:27:44.000 She got some... 1.00

00:27:45.000 She gay. 1.00

00:27:47.000 And I was like, mind your fucking business, old ho. 1.00

00:27:51.000 My daughter... 1.00

00:27:54.000 My daughter was like, five, you gonna put that spirit on?

00:27:56.000 But she told me my daughter, she said she had a click-licking spirit at five.

00:28:00.000 A click-licking spirit?

00:28:01.000 I told you this before.

00:28:04.000 But I'm funny, that's a spirit.

00:28:07.000 Yeah, it was a spirit.

00:28:08.000 And she still have it to this day.

00:28:10.000 And my mother-in-law was right. 0.96

00:28:12.000 And I truly do believe that people are born gay. 1.00

00:28:15.000 100%. 1.00

00:28:16.000 And people should mind your fucking business. 1.00

00:28:18.000 They should embrace those people. 1.00

00:28:19.000 Let them be free.

00:28:21.000 It doesn't make any sense to me. 0.99

00:28:23.000 I just don't understand it and it infuriates me because it's just it's one of the stupidest things to care about Someone's sexual orientation or any other aspect of them that they can't control like leaving the fuck alone It's usually people who dicks don't work anymore or who miserable in a relationship whose shit ain't going right in their lives And it's a lot of people that want people to follow rules. 0.99

00:28:45.000 They want people to follow very certain rules. 0.99

00:28:48.000 And if they can attach those rules to God, then it makes them very righteous in their enforcement of those rules.

00:28:53.000 And then the same people you see in hell while you're on your way to heaven. 0.85

00:28:56.000 Go to hell! 0.99

00:28:58.000 That's what I say. 1.00

00:28:59.000 Get the fuck out of my face with that. 1.00

00:29:01.000 People be like, oh my God, you curse too much. 1.00

00:29:03.000 I say, well, turn the channel, bitch. 1.00

00:29:06.000 Turn the channel, because I'm going to curse. 1.00

00:29:08.000 I hear you.

00:29:09.000 I saw a lady today say, this is a good show, but you use in words too much. 1.00

00:29:13.000 I say, well, turn the fucking channel. 1.00

00:29:14.000 You know, there's other shit out there you can watch. 1.00

00:29:17.000 Don't come to my page. 1.00

00:29:18.000 When you come to my page talking to me, I tell them, bitch, I'm not Beyonce. 1.00

00:29:22.000 She don't got time for you, but I do. 0.99

00:29:24.000 I'm going to spell everything wrong, give the phone to my assistant so she can correct it and put the peers and the question marks in the right place, and they're going to tear your ass up. 0.99

00:29:35.000 Don't come fucking with me. 0.99

00:29:36.000 You get after it with people in the comments? 1.00

00:29:39.000 What?

00:29:40.000 What, Joe? 1.00

00:29:41.000 Don't fuck with me. 1.00

00:29:43.000 That was like, you fat. 1.00

00:29:44.000 I said, I can lose this weight, but can you lose your fucking ugly face? 1.00

00:29:48.000 Kiss my ass from the back. 1.00

00:29:51.000 Wow. 1.00

00:29:52.000 That's what I tell them.

00:29:53.000 That's not wasted energy?

00:29:55.000 Some days. 1.00

00:29:55.000 If I'm laying in bed doing nothing and my titties just resting, I'll cuss your ass out. 1.00

00:30:00.000 If I'm busy... 0.99

00:30:02.000 Some people get really locked into those social media comments. 1.00

00:30:07.000 You know, I used to, because, you know, when I first started, you want people to like what you do, then I just took on my street, man, tell, fuck you. 1.00

00:30:14.000 Fuck you. 1.00

00:30:15.000 You talking, you know, everybody, are you obesity? 1.00

00:30:18.000 Because I got money and I can eat, bitch. 1.00

00:30:20.000 You eat lettuce, because that's all you can afford to do. 1.00

00:30:23.000 Your motherfucking apricot, whatever the fuck that up you is. 1.00

00:30:28.000 Apricot-eating motherfucker. 1.00

00:30:31.000 I can cuss good, Joe. 1.00

00:30:34.000 I tell them all the time, leave me the fuck alone. 1.00

00:30:36.000 And they don't come at me. 1.00

00:30:37.000 You know what?

00:30:38.000 I have such a great fan base.

00:30:40.000 They're called the Miss Pat Crack Babies. 0.97

00:30:42.000 And we have a Facebook page on Facebook.

00:30:45.000 And when I tell you they ride or die, Joe, there's a bunch of white women that are ready to write a letter to the Congress for Miss Pat. 1.00

00:30:53.000 You come fucking with me, them soccer moms put down them pies and they'll tear your asshole up. 1.00

00:30:58.000 Shout out to the Crack Babies. 1.00

00:31:00.000 You were telling me that somebody used that Crack Baby form as like a scam.

00:31:05.000 Oh, yeah, Jo.

00:31:06.000 So, I don't go in it a lot because I've been busy.

00:31:09.000 So, my beautician, the girl who does my house, she was like, I think you need to take a look at this.

00:31:14.000 So, I kind of found out one of the fans was telling the other fans, let's do something nice for Ms. Pat. 0.56

00:31:18.000 So, I started this party in Atlanta called the Ms. Pat Crack Baby or the Ms. Pat Fan Celebration just to give back because I love my fans because there's some ride or die ones out there.

00:31:28.000 And right now, I can do it.

00:31:29.000 I know you can't do it.

00:31:30.000 But I could do it.

00:31:31.000 So I threw a party for them in Atlanta, invited 600 people down VIP. All you had to do was get there and I took care of you.

00:31:38.000 And it was a great celebration.

00:31:39.000 So I invited the wrong person and they decided to say, let's do something good for Ms. Pat. 0.87

00:31:44.000 Let's buy a Gucci purse.

00:31:45.000 Let's do this.

00:31:46.000 And just was taking all the fans money.

00:31:48.000 I didn't even notice.

00:31:49.000 When I finally noticed, she was a couple thousand dollars in. 1.00

00:31:53.000 And I was like, you bitch. 1.00

00:31:55.000 One lady sent me some lotion. 1.00

00:31:56.000 The bitch kept the lotion, Joe. 1.00

00:31:59.000 She done even sent me the lotion. 1.00

00:32:00.000 So we kicked out the group.

00:32:02.000 And I asked her what she did with the money.

00:32:03.000 I use it for myself. 1.00

00:32:05.000 Get your silly ass out my group. 1.00

00:32:07.000 So I threw her out. 1.00

00:32:08.000 I use it for myself?

00:32:10.000 Yes.

00:32:10.000 I told you the truth, at least.

00:32:11.000 Yeah, she told me the truth.

00:32:12.000 And then this lady, this same fan was coming to three and four shows, following me all around, calling me mama. 0.99

00:32:18.000 You know, I'm like, bitch, I'm not your mama. 1.00

00:32:20.000 Your dog skinned it. 1.00

00:32:21.000 But... 1.00

00:32:22.000 Hold on, they're going to tear my ass up for that. 1.00

00:32:27.000 Oh my God. 1.00

00:32:29.000 You got a stalker.

00:32:31.000 Oh, I did have a stalker.

00:32:33.000 That lady sounds like a stalker. 1.00

00:32:34.000 She was, but I also had another one that was a gay man that I had to tell. 1.00

00:32:38.000 I'm gonna call the fucking police on you. 1.00

00:32:41.000 First of all, you a gay man, so what the fuck are we gonna do? 1.00

00:32:44.000 Play Uno? 1.00

00:32:45.000 You ain't even trying to clam through my wound and get none.

00:32:48.000 You just, I love you, Ms. Pat.

00:32:50.000 I say, I'm telling you now. 0.99

00:32:52.000 Call my fucking phone again, and I'm calling the police. 0.99

00:32:55.000 Yeah, you don't even know how you got your number, right? 1.00

00:32:57.000 I don't know how you got my number.

00:32:58.000 People, they can get your number.

00:33:00.000 But I used to wonder why everybody keep changing their phone numbers, but I'm joining that bandwagon.

00:33:04.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:33:05.000 And I changed my fucking number. 0.99

00:33:06.000 I got five phone numbers. 1.00

00:33:08.000 You do?

00:33:08.000 Mm-hmm.

00:33:09.000 I know, Joe, because I be texting sometimes.

00:33:11.000 It takes you six months to text. 0.99

00:33:12.000 I was like, God damn. 0.99

00:33:13.000 Some phones I don't check. 0.99

00:33:15.000 You should have my real phone.

00:33:16.000 I do have your real phone.

00:33:18.000 When I'm calling Bert Kreish, I don't even call him.

00:33:20.000 I just call his wife.

00:33:21.000 Can you tell Bert I said this?

00:33:23.000 Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

00:33:24.000 Yeah.

00:33:25.000 Bert's another one.

00:33:26.000 He's got to change his phone, too.

00:33:28.000 Yeah.

00:33:29.000 Just after a while, it's like, I'll do a podcast and I'll pick up my phone afterwards.

00:33:35.000 148 text messages.

00:33:36.000 Like, what am I going to do with these? 0.99

00:33:39.000 Where the fuck they come from? 1.00

00:33:40.000 Everybody. 1.00

00:33:42.000 Just so many people.

00:33:43.000 I just know so many people.

00:33:45.000 It's like you know so many people, and it's just like you get overwhelmed.

00:33:49.000 Unfortunately, a bunch of them are, hey, I got this guy.

00:33:53.000 I'd like you to do something with him.

00:33:55.000 Or, hey, this guy wants to do business with you.

00:33:56.000 Or, hey, this...

00:34:00.000 You see, Joe, you're bigger than me, so I don't have no problem.

00:34:04.000 I just say, hey, I saw you on a Rogan.

00:34:06.000 Can you borrow $50?

00:34:08.000 Well, those are bad, too.

00:34:10.000 Well, they don't go above $200.

00:34:11.000 So I just act like, delete, delete, delete.

00:34:16.000 I can't loan money.

00:34:17.000 Yeah.

00:34:18.000 Well, you're not loaning it.

00:34:20.000 I can't give money.

00:34:21.000 Yeah, you have to give it.

00:34:22.000 I'm not Fannie Mae.

00:34:23.000 Yeah.

00:34:24.000 You know, I can't do it.

00:34:26.000 I tell my family.

00:34:27.000 I don't have it.

00:34:29.000 The frustrating one is when people want you to invest in their business.

00:34:31.000 They have this long pitch.

00:34:33.000 I'm like, I don't have any time.

00:34:35.000 You know what I say? 0.99

00:34:35.000 Get to the fucking point. 0.99

00:34:37.000 Go to the bank, too. 1.00

00:34:37.000 Get to the fucking point. 1.00

00:34:39.000 Now, what do you want me to do? 1.00

00:34:39.000 No. 1.00

00:34:40.000 Because I'm not going to listen to all this.

00:34:41.000 Because I'm from the streets. 0.99

00:34:43.000 And I already know when you're doing a lot of fucking talking, you're about to steal something. 0.98

00:34:48.000 You gotta set them up. 0.98

00:34:50.000 First, here's the story.

00:34:52.000 Then you gotta make them comfortable.

00:34:53.000 Then you take their money.

00:34:54.000 So I stop them right there before the conference. 0.99

00:34:56.000 Shut the fuck up and tell me what this is about. 1.00

00:34:58.000 I ain't interested in that move the fuck on. 1.00

00:35:00.000 I'm not investing in your business. 1.00

00:35:01.000 I don't give a fuck if you got the first sock that blow up. 1.00

00:35:04.000 I don't give a fuck about your first sock that blow up. 1.00

00:35:06.000 You better take your ass to Shark Tank. 1.00

00:35:10.000 I don't give a fuck about your new condom that talk. 1.00

00:35:13.000 I don't care. 0.99

00:35:15.000 Yeah, they want to get into business with Miss Pat.

00:35:17.000 I don't have those problems yet.

00:35:20.000 You're gonna.

00:35:21.000 You're gonna.

00:35:22.000 I have them on small scales, but I just keep strolling.

00:35:25.000 Yeah, you gotta keep strolling.

00:35:27.000 You gotta keep moving.

00:35:27.000 I get a lot of crazy emails and, oh, we should do this.

00:35:30.000 No, we shouldn't.

00:35:31.000 No, we shouldn't.

00:35:32.000 I tell too many jokes for this money. 1.00

00:35:34.000 And see, I'm the type of person, Joe, I'm gonna whoop your ass, you take my money. 0.99

00:35:39.000 You gonna see me on TMZ with my wig on the ground, one titty, hanging out, hitting them off. 0.99

00:35:48.000 I can't lose no money in that place.

00:35:50.000 It's alright.

00:35:51.000 I'm gonna feel whatever I lose.

00:35:53.000 Yeah, when I see people getting scammed, it's like so many people get scammed.

00:35:56.000 Like so many people you find their business managers stealing from them and their assistants stealing from them.

00:36:01.000 You can't steal from me.

00:36:02.000 I check all my accounts by myself and my checks come to me.

00:36:05.000 I don't trust nobody.

00:36:07.000 I don't need you to pay me.

00:36:09.000 You work for me.

00:36:10.000 You need me to pay you.

00:36:11.000 If I forget to pay you, forgive me.

00:36:14.000 Remind me and I go back and look.

00:36:16.000 I have somebody. 1.00

00:36:17.000 I check behind every motherfucker. 0.99

00:36:19.000 I told my husband, my husband went out one day, Joe, because he retired. 1.00

00:36:22.000 Motherfucker went out and bought three Cane Corso dogs. 1.00

00:36:25.000 Three. 1.00

00:36:26.000 Them motherfuckers are huge. 1.00

00:36:27.000 Those are huge dogs. 1.00

00:36:28.000 I said, why the fuck? 1.00

00:36:29.000 He let this man say him three Cane Corsos dogs. 1.00

00:36:33.000 I said, why, Garrett?

00:36:34.000 Why? 1.00

00:36:35.000 And these motherfuckers, they whine all the time. 1.00

00:36:37.000 I think one of them got sleep apnea. 1.00

00:36:39.000 He sleep on his back.

00:36:41.000 The other one got ADHD. How old are these dogs now?

00:36:43.000 They're like seven months, but they're like fucking horses. 1.00

00:36:46.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 1.00

00:36:46.000 Let me tell you something about those dogs. 1.00

00:36:48.000 They need to be trained.

00:36:49.000 Let me tell you, Joe.

00:36:51.000 We got them in training.

00:36:53.000 They have to be really trained.

00:36:55.000 Those are like real working dogs. 0.99

00:36:57.000 Yeah, my motherfucking nerves. 1.00

00:36:59.000 Those motherfuckers are smart. 1.00

00:37:01.000 They are? 1.00

00:37:02.000 Those are smart dogs. 1.00

00:37:03.000 My dumbest fuck. 1.00

00:37:04.000 Those are smart dogs, and they like to fuck people up. 1.00

00:37:07.000 Those dogs like to fuck people up. 1.00

00:37:09.000 I got one that's so motherfucking crazy. 1.00

00:37:11.000 They're named Sheba, Zeus, and Conright. 0.98

00:37:16.000 Sheba's in training right now, because she's the one that leads the pack. 0.99

00:37:18.000 That's the one I like, because she ain't that big. 0.99

00:37:20.000 The other motherfucker, I'm in the kitchen the other day. 0.99

00:37:22.000 We got them in cages because I'm building the house. 1.00

00:37:24.000 He kicked his motherfucking cage door. 1.00

00:37:26.000 I said, oh no, you about to get in handcuffed, motherfucker. 1.00

00:37:31.000 Those dogs get big. 1.00

00:37:33.000 Oh, they too big for their cage and my house ain't done.

00:37:35.000 They're so strong, too.

00:37:36.000 But that's what I'm saying.

00:37:36.000 You have to have control over those dogs.

00:37:38.000 Well, we got them in training.

00:37:40.000 We got one of them in training.

00:37:42.000 The other one get ready to leave next week.

00:37:43.000 The other one bit the other one on the leg, so he hopping.

00:37:46.000 They so, oh my God, Jake.

00:37:48.000 Yeah, my friend had to put one of his down recently.

00:37:49.000 Why?

00:37:50.000 Because it bit him. 1.00

00:37:51.000 Bit his hand, fucked his hand up, been growling at his family. 1.00

00:37:55.000 Like, they decide they're the boss. 1.00

00:37:57.000 It's a different kind of dog. 1.00

00:37:59.000 They're big fucking dogs. 0.99

00:38:01.000 I mean, you can get different ones with different temperament, and you certainly can get ones that are calm. 1.00

00:38:07.000 Wasn't that the dog?

00:38:08.000 Who was the actor?

00:38:12.000 The dude who was in Pulp Fiction.

00:38:15.000 Played Marcellus Wally, what?

00:38:18.000 Ving Rhames.

00:38:19.000 Didn't Ving Rhames have, wasn't it Kanye Corsos that killed some dude?

00:38:23.000 Like some dude entered into his yard.

00:38:26.000 Yeah.

00:38:27.000 I think he was like a delivery guy or something.

00:38:29.000 And these Kanye Corsos tore him apart.

00:38:31.000 I think it was Kanye Corsos.

00:38:33.000 But they're a very effective attack dog.

00:38:38.000 No?

00:38:38.000 Something else?

00:38:39.000 One says Mastiff, but I mean it is a Mastiff, right?

00:38:42.000 Yeah.

00:38:44.000 I thought it was...

00:38:45.000 Does it say that dog?

00:38:47.000 I'm looking for a good description.

00:38:49.000 A lot of dogs would do it if you jumped the wrong fence.

00:38:56.000 Well, that's why I got them. 1.00

00:38:57.000 Keep motherfuckers away. 1.00

00:38:58.000 It'll work for that. 1.00

00:39:00.000 But those dogs, that's like a serious dog.

00:39:05.000 Well, I built a doghouse 600 square feet for them.

00:39:08.000 You got a good yard?

00:39:09.000 I bought 10 acres.

00:39:10.000 I mean, I'm sorry, I bought 7 acres.

00:39:11.000 Oh, nice.

00:39:12.000 We just moved back to Atlanta.

00:39:14.000 Those dogs need exercise.

00:39:15.000 It's like an athlete.

00:39:16.000 It's like you have an elite athlete that lives in your house.

00:39:19.000 You have three of them now.

00:39:21.000 I have three of them.

00:39:21.000 So they have to be worked out.

00:39:23.000 If they don't get worked out, their balls are filled with testosterone. 1.00

00:39:25.000 You're just like, fucking go! 1.00

00:39:27.000 I want to fucking go! 1.00

00:39:28.000 If someone hops that fence, that's a mispat lawsuit waiting to happen. 0.99

00:39:32.000 They ain't my lawsuit. 1.00

00:39:33.000 They ain't my motherfucking dog. 1.00

00:39:34.000 They're my humming dog. 1.00

00:39:35.000 Your husband's going to sue you.

00:39:37.000 It's going to get ugly.

00:39:38.000 Well, we're enjoying it.

00:39:40.000 The kids love them.

00:39:41.000 Oh, yeah, they're great.

00:39:42.000 They're puppies now, though.

00:39:44.000 No, they're big, Joe.

00:39:45.000 I know, but they're still six months old.

00:39:46.000 Yeah, they're about six, seven months old.

00:39:48.000 When they get to be like two years old, that's a terrifying animal.

00:39:53.000 That's a muscular, it's just an attack machine.

00:39:57.000 I mean, that's essentially what they're bred for.

00:39:59.000 Yeah, English Bulldog and three Bull Mastiffs.

00:40:01.000 Okay, different Mastiffs. 0.98

00:40:03.000 Oh, they were big ones.

00:40:04.000 Two weighing, 200 pounds.

00:40:08.000 This is the one who killed the delivery driver?

00:40:10.000 The coroner said the bites didn't kill him, so he died from a medical emergency of some kind. 1.00

00:40:16.000 Probably had a fucking heart attack. 0.99

00:40:18.000 You gotta blame him on the dogs. 1.00

00:40:20.000 He got attacked by a dog!

00:40:23.000 Jesus Christ.

00:40:24.000 My husband said it was for protection, so we're gonna see.

00:40:28.000 Well, they're good protection dogs.

00:40:30.000 They cost a lot, too.

00:40:32.000 They're a responsibility.

00:40:33.000 Like, they got health care.

00:40:35.000 Really?

00:40:35.000 Yeah.

00:40:36.000 You know, because I do a radio show.

00:40:37.000 I do a morning show with Big Tigger and Atlanta V103. How do you like doing that?

00:40:43.000 I like doing it.

00:40:45.000 You know, I didn't know what to expect, you know, getting up that early in the morning. 0.99

00:40:49.000 Does that fuck with your stand-up? 0.99

00:40:51.000 No. 1.00

00:40:52.000 No?

00:40:52.000 No, it's in the country.

00:40:54.000 You're not going to fuck with my stand-up, because that's what I own. 0.99

00:40:56.000 No, but I mean getting up in the morning. 1.00

00:40:58.000 No, no, no, no, no, no.

00:40:59.000 I'm an early morning person anyway.

00:41:01.000 You know, no matter where I'm at in the world, I would call my husband at four o'clock when he was working at General Motors, and I had to talk to him all the way to work. 0.87

00:41:08.000 So now I get on this fucking nerve because he retired, but I still call him at four o'clock in the morning. 0.98

00:41:16.000 And he don't want to say fuck off because he retired and I'm out there working. 0.99

00:41:20.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:41:22.000 But when I'm home, we be like, don't you want to go to the radio today? 0.97

00:41:26.000 So I know he's trying to fucking get rid of me. 0.94

00:41:28.000 But I'm having a blast at V103 in Atlanta. 0.98

00:41:31.000 You know, I'm a co-host, so it's different.

00:41:34.000 It's different. 0.99

00:41:35.000 I'm just trying shit. 0.99

00:41:36.000 So I've been there now almost two years. 0.97

00:41:38.000 Um, is there any problems with language?

00:41:41.000 Yeah, you can't curse, is it?

00:41:43.000 Yeah, you can't curse. 1.00

00:41:44.000 Does that fuck with you, though? 1.00

00:41:45.000 No. 1.00

00:41:46.000 I only curse when you pay me to. 0.91

00:41:48.000 I wish you cursed, though.

00:41:50.000 I just wanted you to be free.

00:41:51.000 That's what I worry about you on, like, a radio show.

00:41:54.000 Well, it's a morning show.

00:41:55.000 I mean, you know, who knows?

00:41:57.000 XM might come knocking.

00:41:59.000 You know, the thing that I really want to do, I'm a DIY type person, so I love DIY. So that's what I really want to do.

00:42:08.000 You want to do like a do-it-yourself show?

00:42:09.000 Yes, I do.

00:42:10.000 I'm like, what kind of things?

00:42:12.000 Houses.

00:42:12.000 Building houses?

00:42:13.000 I'm building a house now.

00:42:15.000 All by myself.

00:42:16.000 Well, I didn't do it all by myself, but I'm the GC. You're a general contractor?

00:42:21.000 Yes.

00:42:23.000 That's awesome.

00:42:25.000 That's an undertaking.

00:42:26.000 That's a lot of work, right?

00:42:28.000 It is.

00:42:28.000 A lot of organization.

00:42:30.000 It is. 0.99

00:42:30.000 What I did is I bought seven acres and I wanted a big house, but I didn't want no big mortgage because you don't know when this shit goes. 0.99

00:42:40.000 You don't know what's going to happen. 0.99

00:42:41.000 You say the wrong thing and you can't pay your bills in two days. 0.99

00:42:44.000 So I said, well, I've got to keep my mortgage at a certain amount so I can go to Walmart if this shit don't work out. 0.98

00:42:49.000 So I bought a house, I tore it down, I hired an architect, and it's 17,000 square feet. 0.98

00:42:55.000 And I built my own little podcast studio so I can get my podcast right.

00:42:59.000 And I built a 13 bedroom house for me and my family.

00:43:04.000 Look at that!

00:43:05.000 What is this like for your husband, who knew you before this success?

00:43:09.000 Is it wild for him?

00:43:11.000 I think it is.

00:43:12.000 I think it is.

00:43:13.000 Because, you know, my husband spent 22 years at General Motors.

00:43:17.000 And for me, I was at General Motors, too.

00:43:19.000 And for me to quit and say, hey, is there something in his comedy? 1.00

00:43:22.000 He's like, oh, fuck, Pat. 1.00

00:43:23.000 Can you just keep a job? 1.00

00:43:25.000 And when I tell him, I said, you know, in the beginning, you didn't believe in me. 1.00

00:43:28.000 He said, you tell him a damn lie. 0.99

00:43:29.000 I said, uh-uh. 1.00

00:43:32.000 He said, nobody's going to listen to the fucking chicken house jokes you got. 1.00

00:43:35.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:43:37.000 But he's very supportive.

00:43:39.000 He takes care of the home.

00:43:42.000 He don't come see me a lot, but in the beginning, Joe, it was his credit card and his paycheck that allowed me to go out and make $100 a night.

00:43:51.000 So many times I maxed out that man's credit card.

00:43:54.000 So many times I fucked up his credit.

00:43:56.000 But it's my dream. 0.98

00:43:58.000 He should have been left behind.

00:44:00.000 But for you to make that dream while you had a husband and a family and children, it's so difficult to do when you're a 21-year-old kid just going to open mic nights.

00:44:11.000 For you to be able to do that and to chase it down and make it successful, that's a real American success story.

00:44:17.000 Because it's a hard thing to do while you have a family.

00:44:20.000 To just get out to the clubs every night?

00:44:22.000 Because you've got to start at open mic nights.

00:44:24.000 You've got to get that stage time.

00:44:26.000 You know, it's sacrifice.

00:44:28.000 I sacrifice a lot.

00:44:29.000 And so did my family.

00:44:30.000 You know, one thing my daughter, because I have custody of my niece's four kids now. 0.87

00:44:34.000 I've had them for 10 years.

00:44:35.000 And my career started to get a little bit of buzz while I was in Indiana.

00:44:39.000 And my daughter was going to go to Howard University, which is an HBCU. But she instead was like, I'm not going to leave my father here with these four kids that, you know, Because my niece left them.

00:44:51.000 She was on drugs. 0.95

00:44:52.000 So she chose to go to Indiana State.

00:44:55.000 And so sacrifices like that went all through my family.

00:44:58.000 My son decided to go to college locally because he didn't want to leave my husband there with all the kids.

00:45:04.000 You know, at the time the baby was 15 months old when the mama left.

00:45:10.000 She's nine now.

00:45:11.000 She's ten now. 0.99

00:45:12.000 So, you know, I just thank my family for even being there and my husband for putting up with bullshit. 0.98

00:45:18.000 He's like, that's all you made was $50, $200, $300. 0.98

00:45:22.000 The plane ticket was $600.

00:45:24.000 Well, I made $400 of all dollars back.

00:45:26.000 Pat, you're losing.

00:45:27.000 I said, but it's something here.

00:45:29.000 You just got to be patient.

00:45:31.000 Wow.

00:45:32.000 When did he come around?

00:45:33.000 When did he realize?

00:45:35.000 I'll tell you when he realized. 0.98

00:45:36.000 When Cat Williams, the first time Cat Williams called me to go on his tour, and he said, well, this bitch might be funny. 1.00

00:45:46.000 How did Cat Williams see you? 0.90

00:45:48.000 He was at an agency.

00:45:50.000 I can't remember the agency, but this guy called and said, I had just signed with that agent, and he was looking for a black woman, and I sent over a little clip, and they picked me.

00:46:01.000 I was blown away.

00:46:02.000 I was like, I'm on tour with Cat William.

00:46:03.000 I might have made it.

00:46:04.000 So what year was this?

00:46:05.000 When he did the tape, Cat Apostolos.

00:46:08.000 Right after all of that other stuff, when he was like at the height.

00:46:11.000 So I did the next DVD called Cat Apostolos.

00:46:14.000 I don't remember what year.

00:46:14.000 Early 2006, maybe 2007. When he was doing the Pimp Chronicles.

00:46:19.000 It was at the Pimp Chronicles.

00:46:21.000 That Cat Williams, he's one of the best comics ever.

00:46:24.000 Yes, he is.

00:46:25.000 The nicest.

00:46:26.000 During that time period, especially when he was hot, when he was coming out hot.

00:46:30.000 Yes.

00:46:31.000 That New Year's show they did with Steve Harvey. 0.99

00:46:33.000 Did you ever see that show where he went on after Steve Harvey and shit all over him? 1.00

00:46:40.000 He mimics him sliding across the floor and kicking him in the balls. 1.00

00:46:45.000 He goes, I'm a little motherfucker. 1.00

00:46:47.000 I fight dirty. 1.00

00:46:51.000 Crazy shit. 1.00

00:46:52.000 He was funny, man. 1.00

00:46:54.000 Oh, my God.

00:46:55.000 He still is.

00:46:56.000 Very funny.

00:46:57.000 But when he came out, he was so unique.

00:47:00.000 His delivery method is so unique.

00:47:02.000 The way he dresses and...

00:47:04.000 Nobody was doing what Cat William does.

00:47:06.000 Now everybody's trying to do.

00:47:07.000 Yeah, but that's really him.

00:47:09.000 That is really him.

00:47:11.000 Very intelligent.

00:47:12.000 I'm quite sure you've talked to him. 0.99

00:47:13.000 I was like, God damn, this man's smart. 0.98

00:47:16.000 There's a couple things that I took from him. 0.99

00:47:18.000 I saw an interview from him once, and one of the things that he said, he said, I never eat before a show.

00:47:24.000 He goes, you never want to have a show with a full stomach.

00:47:26.000 Why?

00:47:27.000 Because it takes away resources.

00:47:30.000 Because if your body's digesting food, you have less energy.

00:47:33.000 It's just that's real.

00:47:34.000 That's like fighters.

00:47:35.000 Fighters don't go into the ring with a full stomach. 0.96

00:47:37.000 No wonder I'm sleeping at 8 o'clock.

00:47:39.000 Yeah.

00:47:40.000 So I was like, that's smart.

00:47:42.000 Because sometimes I'm just hungry and I eat.

00:47:44.000 But now I'm like, no, I need a lot of time to digest food.

00:47:47.000 And then he also said he has a music playlist.

00:47:51.000 That he listens to before shows.

00:47:53.000 That it just gets in the mood.

00:47:55.000 I go, that's smart.

00:47:56.000 Because a lot of times I want to hear music, but I don't.

00:47:59.000 I haven't brought anything with me.

00:48:01.000 And then when I started doing shows with Chappelle, Dave always brings his music.

00:48:06.000 He always brings like a...

00:48:07.000 Black comedians always have music.

00:48:08.000 Big Bluetooth.

00:48:09.000 He has these big JBL boombox Bluetooth. 1.00

00:48:12.000 These fucking... 1.00

00:48:13.000 They look like cannons. 0.99

00:48:15.000 He takes those, we had two of them, and he would sync them up, put them on either side of the room, and they sync together.

00:48:20.000 I was like, that's the way to do it.

00:48:22.000 So I took that from him, too.

00:48:23.000 Because he had an approach to how he'd prepare for a show.

00:48:27.000 He's like, I'll have one drink, I'll get loosened up, I'll have this playlist I listen to.

00:48:31.000 But I thought about it after listening to that interview.

00:48:34.000 I'm like, I don't have a thought process behind preparing for a show.

00:48:38.000 And now I do.

00:48:39.000 Now I have a playlist we listen to in the green room before the show.

00:48:43.000 What you listen to?

00:48:44.000 Oh, everything.

00:48:45.000 I got a lot of 90s hip-hop in there.

00:48:48.000 For some reason, angry 90s cool G rap gets me going before a show.

00:48:55.000 A lot of Wu-Tang's in there, a lot of classic rock, Peter Frampton's in there, some ACDC in there, some country music in there.

00:49:02.000 It's all mixed up.

00:49:03.000 I got Liz Phair in there, some Johnny Cash in there. 0.98

00:49:08.000 I listen to Lotto, the rapper Lotto.

00:49:12.000 It's Given.

00:49:13.000 That's what I come out to.

00:49:14.000 Oh, nice.

00:49:15.000 She really gets me in the mood.

00:49:17.000 And I like Carly B. Carly B always get me in the mood.

00:49:20.000 So them two is probably who I got in my ear.

00:49:23.000 If I want to be laid back, I put on a little Beyonce, a little Fantasia, but mostly Carly B and Lotto if I'm about to go on stage.

00:49:30.000 Yeah, you want something that gets you going.

00:49:32.000 Yeah.

00:49:33.000 And they really get you going.

00:49:35.000 Yeah.

00:49:35.000 They get me going, even if I'm on a treadmill.

00:49:38.000 There it is.

00:49:47.000 That's what I come out to. 1.00

00:49:49.000 I come out to her every fucking night. 1.00

00:49:51.000 I can walk by that girl and not know who the fuck she is. 1.00

00:49:54.000 That's hilarious. 0.99

00:49:55.000 Working at the radio station and got me into, like, hip-hop and listening to, you know, new artists. 1.00

00:50:00.000 And I'm like, oh, I like that shit. 1.00

00:50:02.000 Who is this? 1.00

00:50:03.000 So I discover her working at V103 and I'm like, okay.

00:50:06.000 They be like, my kids be like, mama... 0.99

00:50:09.000 I don't give a fuck. 1.00

00:50:10.000 I just found her this week. 1.00

00:50:11.000 I like her.

00:50:12.000 I'm way behind the times.

00:50:13.000 I have to learn from my kids what's in.

00:50:15.000 Like, what's famous, what's funny, what's good. 0.99

00:50:18.000 I don't think kids know good shit like we used to know good shit. 0.99

00:50:21.000 It's a different world. 0.99

00:50:23.000 Well, one of my kids does.

00:50:24.000 One of my kids is into, like, older music.

00:50:25.000 She's in Nirvana right now.

00:50:27.000 She gets some of these kicks of, like, older music.

00:50:30.000 My daughter Gariana is into everything.

00:50:33.000 She know everything going on in the world, all types of music, no matter where it came from, how it was made. 0.99

00:50:37.000 She know every fucking thing. 0.98

00:50:39.000 If I want to know something, I'll be like, Gariana, tell mama this right here. 0.99

00:50:42.000 See, the thing is, most people, where are they getting their music from?

00:50:46.000 Are they getting it from Spotify recommends or Apple Music recommends?

00:50:50.000 Because the amount of people that are getting their music from the radio is less than probably ever before. 0.99

00:50:57.000 Probably just hip shit. 1.00

00:50:58.000 YouTube, probably just hip shit that comes out all the time. 1.00

00:51:01.000 Every time somebody drop an album, if... 0.98

00:51:03.000 One thing about this avarism shit or whatever you call it, once you do one music, it's just gonna keep on flooding your... 0.97

00:51:10.000 Today, I looked at one motivational speech. 0.99

00:51:14.000 12,000 of... 0.91

00:51:15.000 I'm like, y'all, I'm not fucking depressed. 1.00

00:51:17.000 Can y'all stop sending me this shit? 1.00

00:51:19.000 Your algorithm? 1.00

00:51:20.000 Algorithm, yeah, that's what I'm trying to say.

00:51:23.000 Just cheering you up.

00:51:24.000 Oh, don't commit suicide. 1.00

00:51:25.000 I was like, what the fuck is going on? 1.00

00:51:27.000 iPhone, stop listening to me. 0.99

00:51:29.000 I wasn't thinking of suicide. 0.99

00:51:30.000 I was just looking at a motivational fucking thing, and I got like 1,200 of them. 0.99

00:51:36.000 Because every time I stroll, it's motivational, motivational. 0.98

00:51:39.000 You can do it.

00:51:40.000 I'm like, get the... 1.00

00:51:41.000 I say, phone, leave me the fuck alone. 0.99

00:51:44.000 This should be a way that you could talk to the algorithm and go, that's enough. 0.99

00:51:48.000 It should be, but...

00:51:49.000 Not for the motivation.

00:51:50.000 It was just too much today.

00:51:52.000 I'm like, yeah, I'm going to see Joe Rogan.

00:51:53.000 He about to smoke weed, a good conversation. 1.00

00:51:55.000 I don't need this bullshit in my life. 0.99

00:51:58.000 The motivational things on YouTube and on Instagram, it's weird that there's such a market for that. 1.00

00:52:05.000 And they all say the same shit. 1.00

00:52:07.000 They say the shit your mom and daddy said, but you'd rather go buy it on an album. 1.00

00:52:11.000 It's the same shit they say at church. 1.00

00:52:13.000 It's the same shit your school teacher tried to tell you. 1.00

00:52:15.000 It's just in a different voice. 1.00

00:52:16.000 High voice, low voice, screaming at you, shaking at you. 1.00

00:52:19.000 It's the same shit. 1.00

00:52:21.000 I think what really works is people. 0.99

00:52:24.000 I don't think the motivational stuff works as much as people that are, like, motivational people.

00:52:29.000 I think that's the real...

00:52:31.000 Like, you can get a little bit out of words.

00:52:32.000 You can get a little bit out of a video or a little bit out of, like, a little clip or something.

00:52:36.000 But, like, David Goggins.

00:52:39.000 Like, someone like him.

00:52:40.000 Like, just his...

00:52:41.000 You know who he is?

00:52:42.000 No.

00:52:43.000 He's a Navy SEAL who's run, like, some insane amount of ultra-marathons.

00:52:47.000 Mm-hmm.

00:52:48.000 He's just known for being this, like, insanely tough endurance athlete.

00:52:53.000 Like, he's got no knees.

00:52:54.000 His knees are destroyed. 0.99

00:52:55.000 The cartilage is all fucked up in his knees, and he still runs on them. 0.99

00:52:58.000 The doctor looked at his knee and said, I don't understand how you can walk on this knee. 0.98

00:53:01.000 Forget about run thousands of miles.

00:53:04.000 Like, his knee was, like, distorting because the bone was growing, because it was bone on bone for so long.

00:53:09.000 My husband was No cartilage, no meniscus, just pounding bone on bone every day.

00:53:15.000 Just dealing with pain. 1.00

00:53:16.000 And when that fucking dude talks, you listen. 1.00

00:53:18.000 And when people listen to that guy talk, and he talks about overcoming your demons, when he talks about forcing your body to do what your mind wants it to do, that shit works. 1.00

00:53:29.000 That kind of motivation, when you see a person like that, you want to go out and do something extraordinary. 0.97

00:53:34.000 You want to go out and...

00:53:36.000 You got energy.

00:53:38.000 People give you energy.

00:53:39.000 But most of those little motivational clips, it's just noise.

00:53:44.000 Yeah, I think the things that people do in life, when people feel like you overcame something and they're going through, because I get that all the time.

00:53:50.000 Oh, my God, you're such an inspiration.

00:53:52.000 I'm like, uh...

00:53:53.000 I used to say, how?

00:53:54.000 I used to say, how?

00:53:56.000 How am I an inspiration, y'all?

00:53:58.000 I didn't look at my life at the time the way other people saw me.

00:54:03.000 You know, it was just where I came from.

00:54:05.000 I mean, it was life.

00:54:06.000 I didn't know the world was different until I got into comedy game and everybody started to say, what?

00:54:11.000 You overcame that? 1.00

00:54:13.000 I'm like, you didn't go through that shit? 1.00

00:54:14.000 Then I realized the world. 1.00

00:54:17.000 Everybody didn't experience what I experienced.

00:54:19.000 But where I was from, it was the norm.

00:54:23.000 So now when I tell my story, everybody's like, oh my God, you're such an inspiration. 0.99

00:54:27.000 And at first I was like, no, I'm just somebody who went through some shit. 0.92

00:54:31.000 But then I realized there's a lot of people out there that need me to tell my story. 0.98

00:54:35.000 And it's healing for them to see me win because it let them know that they can win.

00:54:40.000 Yes.

00:54:41.000 And to see you laugh about it.

00:54:43.000 Yes.

00:54:43.000 That you're so resilient.

00:54:45.000 That gives people hope.

00:54:47.000 So that kind of motivation works.

00:54:49.000 Like someone can see what you've accomplished with your life. 0.99

00:54:51.000 And for people who don't know your story, your story is fucking crazy. 0.93

00:54:55.000 I mean, it's so crazy from the time you were young, from like, what year were you pregnant? 0.98

00:55:02.000 How old were you the first time?

00:55:03.000 I got pregnant at 13. I met at 12. He was 22. I was 12. He was married.

00:55:09.000 I got pregnant at 13. Gave birth at 14. Then had another baby at 15. Then got pregnant again at 16. And a caseworker showed me how to get an abortion.

00:55:19.000 Think about all that and then you combine it with selling crack.

00:55:24.000 You combine it with being shot.

00:55:27.000 You combine it with all those things.

00:55:29.000 The idea that it would lead you to 2023 with your own sitcom, building a 17,000 square foot house on a giant plot of land, making your own podcast studio on it.

00:55:40.000 You're the one who handles all the bills.

00:55:42.000 You take care of everything.

00:55:43.000 Everything has to go through you.

00:55:44.000 You're the boss lady. 1.00

00:55:45.000 That's wild!

00:55:46.000 That's an amazing inspiration story.

00:55:49.000 Because you were in a terrible place.

00:55:51.000 If you think about a child, like someone getting pregnant at 13 years old, say, what chance does that child have for a happy, healthy, successful life?

00:56:01.000 It's very, very, very low.

00:56:03.000 So for you to get through all that, and to maintain your family, and to have developed a successful career, this is amazing.

00:56:13.000 It's an amazing inspirational story. 0.99

00:56:15.000 That's way better than some bullshit that some fucking con man is just saying on Instagram. 0.99

00:56:20.000 Well, I mean, it is amazing. 1.00

00:56:23.000 It's amazing.

00:56:24.000 You know, I also had something to live for.

00:56:27.000 I had two kids by the time I was 15. I didn't want them to go through what I went through.

00:56:30.000 I've said this a million times.

00:56:32.000 And it was the first time I ever felt like I was loved.

00:56:34.000 So to have that love for my daughter, my very first child, that I'd never experienced in a household before, you know, it gave me hope.

00:56:41.000 I didn't know I was going to end up with all of this in the future.

00:56:44.000 All I ever wanted, Joe, was a family. 1.00

00:56:49.000 Fuck everything else. 1.00

00:56:51.000 All I wanted was a family. 1.00

00:56:52.000 And I got it.

00:56:54.000 Nothing else meant anything to me. 0.99

00:56:56.000 The materialistic shit, the fame, all I ever wanted to do was open that door, walk in the house to people that loves me. 0.99

00:57:03.000 That's beautiful. 0.99

00:57:05.000 And I do walk, I do go home.

00:57:07.000 Even with the kids that I'm raising that my niece left, I get home, oh, mama's home! 0.99

00:57:12.000 And I get your goddamn hands off me! 1.00

00:57:14.000 Ha ha ha! 1.00

00:57:16.000 My husband's like, she's back!

00:57:19.000 But I know they love me.

00:57:21.000 And they love me.

00:57:22.000 It's nothing fake.

00:57:23.000 I can walk into that house, drop my wig on the floor.

00:57:26.000 I don't have to be Miss Pat.

00:57:28.000 Even my daughter who hardly comes downstairs, Garyana.

00:57:31.000 She'll look over the balance and be like, alright, mama, you're back.

00:57:34.000 Love you.

00:57:34.000 Go back in the room.

00:57:35.000 I don't see her for fucking weeks. 0.99

00:57:37.000 You know, that's what I tell you. 0.99

00:57:39.000 Stay upstairs all the time. 1.00

00:57:40.000 If you don't get no man, I'm going to take a pussy and use it. 1.00

00:57:43.000 Because mine be leaking like a 64 Chevy. 1.00

00:57:46.000 I'm like, give me your pussy. 1.00

00:57:47.000 You're going to keep it upstairs all the time, warm. 1.00

00:57:50.000 Give it to me so I can use it.

00:57:51.000 The beautiful thing is a family is all you wanted and you have that.

00:57:56.000 But then the other things that you're doing, I know that's for you, like your career and everything, but it's also...

00:58:03.000 For everyone else.

00:58:04.000 Like, you're doing this, you provide happiness to so many people.

00:58:08.000 Like, that is an extended family in a lot of ways.

00:58:11.000 It is.

00:58:11.000 My fans are an extended family.

00:58:13.000 And, you know, it's so many times I look at my inbox and people that I don't even know who genuinely say they're proud of me.

00:58:19.000 Even my kids, you know, like when the show was nominated for an Emmy, and my daughter writes on the show.

00:58:25.000 She writes on the show.

00:58:27.000 She literally had tears on her eyes because she know I dropped out of school in the 8th grade.

00:58:31.000 She know what I've been through.

00:58:33.000 And she told me when I was going to the Emmys, she said, I'm so proud of you.

00:58:38.000 And it wasn't even about winning.

00:58:40.000 I didn't win.

00:58:41.000 Ted Lasso won.

00:58:42.000 What such a great show. 0.93

00:58:43.000 I told my husband, that's why I couldn't fucking win no Emmy because you're always watching Ted Lasso. 0.99

00:58:49.000 He's like, that's a good fucking show. 0.98

00:58:50.000 But they were so proud to see, you know, something they mama had created, you know, got nominated for an Emmy. 0.98

00:58:58.000 And even the fans, you know, I remember after I didn't win, I didn't even feel no way.

00:59:03.000 I didn't go there to win. 0.99

00:59:04.000 I went there to say, to just look around and say, oh, this is what this shit is like. 1.00

00:59:09.000 Okay. 0.99

00:59:10.000 You know, it wasn't even about the win.

00:59:12.000 I had already won.

00:59:14.000 Just by being there? 0.99

00:59:15.000 By being alive, I've already won with all the bullshit I've been through in life. 0.99

00:59:18.000 Can't no trophy that you stick on no dresser to catch dust ever make me feel the way I feel about just surviving the shit that I've been through in life. 0.99

00:59:27.000 Yeah. 0.94

00:59:27.000 I call them dust collectors. 0.94

00:59:29.000 Well, I'm glad you got nominated, but those things don't mean anything to me.

00:59:33.000 No.

00:59:33.000 This show is a people channel.

00:59:35.000 Emin doesn't keep this show on BET+. The people keep this show on BET+. And as long as I will make it for them, as long as they'll watch it.

00:59:44.000 Yeah, being in the Emmys or even winning an Emmy would get you a little more attention.

00:59:47.000 That's okay.

00:59:48.000 I don't care about no awards.

00:59:50.000 You know how many times I lost a spelling bee in school?

00:59:52.000 How many times? 1.00

00:59:53.000 Shit, I can't spell off shit now. 1.00

00:59:56.000 Every time I went off, I remember back in the... 1.00

01:00:00.000 I'm 51, so back in the day... 1.00

01:00:02.000 Thank God they don't do this shit anymore. 0.99

01:00:04.000 But they had an A and B group and a C and D group in the Elves. 1.00

01:00:08.000 So the smart kids and the dumb kids. 0.99

01:00:10.000 The classroom was divided like that. 0.99

01:00:11.000 They didn't have, like, special classes for people like us.

01:00:14.000 And I used to see all the people in the A group, Joe.

01:00:17.000 And I wanted to be in that A group so bad.

01:00:19.000 And I'll never forget the book was Impression and Encore.

01:00:22.000 Those are the kids that could read.

01:00:23.000 And, you know, those were the smart kids.

01:00:25.000 I said, I want to be in this group.

01:00:27.000 I want to be in this group.

01:00:28.000 Because that's how I am.

01:00:28.000 I want to be number one.

01:00:30.000 And one day I get in the class.

01:00:31.000 I get in the teacher.

01:00:32.000 I was like, please let me just try.

01:00:33.000 Let me just try.

01:00:34.000 Now I'm in the CD group. 1.00

01:00:35.000 Dumb as fuck. 1.00

01:00:37.000 And I begged the teacher. 1.00

01:00:38.000 She finally put me in a group. 1.00

01:00:40.000 Couldn't read what shit. 1.00

01:00:41.000 I look at her. 1.00

01:00:42.000 Everybody stared at me like, what the fuck are you doing in this group? 0.99

01:00:47.000 And I remember the teacher said, at least you try. 1.00

01:00:50.000 And I said, if I don't do shit, I'm going to get in this group. 0.99

01:00:54.000 Never got in it because, you know... 0.99

01:00:56.000 Back in those days, that's just how they divided you.

01:00:59.000 But it was a teacher that came along.

01:01:01.000 I've told this story a hundred times.

01:01:02.000 It's true.

01:01:02.000 Who taught me how to read.

01:01:04.000 And who believed in me.

01:01:05.000 And I'm 51 and she's dead and gone and I thank her each and every day for instilling things in me that my mother could never instill in me.

01:01:13.000 It's great if you can get a good teacher.

01:01:15.000 There's a lot of them out there.

01:01:17.000 I have a few good teachers that I remember that inspired me. 0.99

01:01:20.000 And you know what's so crazy with the shit going on in this world with these teachers? 0.99

01:01:24.000 How you let these kids disrespect them and all of this bullshit going on in these schools. 1.00

01:01:30.000 Just disrespect. 0.99

01:01:31.000 Look at the girl who broke the teacher leg. 0.99

01:01:33.000 Look at the teacher who just got to fight. 1.00

01:01:35.000 What the fuck? 1.00

01:01:36.000 To me, that should hold parents accountable. 1.00

01:01:39.000 Because I'm here to tell you, if my child ever tried that shit, I would beat the black off Raymond. 1.00

01:01:46.000 I'm not going to side with you up there disrespecting no adult. 1.00

01:01:48.000 And that's how I used to be. 0.99

01:01:50.000 When I was coming up, everybody whooped your ass in the neighborhood. 0.99

01:01:53.000 Now these kids are like, oh my God, you got to respect me. 1.00

01:01:55.000 Bitch, you don't even pay no bills. 1.00

01:01:56.000 What the fuck am I respecting for somebody who don't even know how to pay a bill? 1.00

01:02:00.000 These kids so dumb, they don't even know how to fill out a check, Joe. 1.00

01:02:03.000 They don't even have checks no more for you to fill out. 1.00

01:02:05.000 I think my husband got the last book of checks in this world.

01:02:08.000 Yeah, they do it all electronically now, right?

01:02:10.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:02:10.000 So why am I respecting you when you don't pay for shit? 1.00

01:02:14.000 Huh? 1.00

01:02:14.000 Kids, there's a different feeling that kids have today. 1.00

01:02:18.000 No, there's a different feeling that society gave kids.

01:02:21.000 If you're being abused, what's abuse?

01:02:24.000 I tell you. 1.00

01:02:25.000 So here, I got these custody kids, and they called me, the teacher called me, and I said, well, I'm going to beat her ass. 0.99

01:02:31.000 So the person said, you got to hear it on my house. 1.00

01:02:33.000 Bitch, you don't tell me where to hear that. 1.00

01:02:34.000 Two hours later, D-Fact was at my house. 1.00

01:02:38.000 Really?

01:02:38.000 Went to the school, talked to my kids, and the lady showed up, and she was like, the black lady knew who I was.

01:02:44.000 She said, well, I gotta investigate. 0.99

01:02:45.000 I said, no, you ain't gotta do a motherfucking thing. 1.00

01:02:47.000 You come get these motherfucking children that nobody give me nothing for. 1.00

01:02:50.000 I'm gonna whoop these motherfucking ass over here. 1.00

01:02:52.000 If you don't want their ass whooped, get them up out here, because I'm gonna tell you right now, ain't nobody shooting me. 1.00

01:02:56.000 Ain't nobody whooping my motherfucking ass. 1.00

01:02:58.000 Fuck that put you in the corner, and we gonna pray about your behavior. 1.00

01:03:01.000 I'm gonna knock your goddamn head off. 1.00

01:03:05.000 I'm old school and I don't give a fuck what you say. 1.00

01:03:07.000 Ain't nobody. 0.99

01:03:08.000 I have a 36-year-old daughter.

01:03:10.000 I have a 35-year-old son.

01:03:12.000 A 24-year-old.

01:03:13.000 You're not cursing in front of me.

01:03:14.000 You're not disrespecting me.

01:03:16.000 We're not getting high together. 1.00

01:03:17.000 I'm not your motherfucking friend. 1.00

01:03:19.000 Because I went through too much in my life to be letting you motherfuckers talk to me. 1.00

01:03:24.000 I was telling my daughter, she said ass. 1.00

01:03:25.000 I said, bitch, don't say ass in front of me. 1.00

01:03:27.000 Don't say that shit in front of me. 1.00

01:03:29.000 Why mama ass is cursing? 1.00

01:03:32.000 She can't cuss at all in front of you? 1.00

01:03:33.000 No, I don't play that shit. 1.00

01:03:35.000 Really? 1.00

01:03:35.000 As much as you cuss? 1.00

01:03:37.000 Yeah!

01:03:38.000 They can cuss among themselves.

01:03:40.000 So you can cuss in front of them? 1.00

01:03:42.000 Yeah.

01:03:43.000 But they can't cuss in front of you? 1.00

01:03:44.000 No, Joe. 0.70

01:03:47.000 Hell no! 1.00

01:03:48.000 Black kids don't- At a certain age, can they cuss them for you? 1.00

01:03:52.000 Hell no! 0.99

01:03:53.000 Never.

01:03:54.000 Never.

01:03:55.000 35 years old. 1.00

01:03:57.000 I don't give a fuck if she's 55 and I'm 99. Bitch, I'll bust you in your mouth. 1.00

01:04:01.000 Don't you cuss in front of me, hoe. 1.00

01:04:02.000 All my motherfucking food you done ate, all the diapers, all the times I ran out of convenience store to feed your black ass, and you gonna disrespect me? 1.00

01:04:12.000 I would have never imagined that you would be so uptight with your kids cussing. 1.00

01:04:18.000 Most, back in the day, black kids didn't cuss in front of their parents. 1.00

01:04:20.000 But you cuss so much. 1.00

01:04:22.000 I do! 0.96

01:04:22.000 I like cursing! 0.96

01:04:24.000 You have a dictatorship running in your household. 0.95

01:04:28.000 You have a language dictatorship.

01:04:30.000 I sure do! 1.00

01:04:33.000 Don't fucking cuss in front of me. 1.00

01:04:34.000 It's so disrespectful. 1.00

01:04:36.000 What are you laughing at? 1.00

01:04:37.000 That shit ain't funny. 1.00

01:04:39.000 It's hilarious. 1.00

01:04:39.000 It's hilarious just seeing you swearing about them swearing. 1.00

01:04:43.000 What? 1.00

01:04:44.000 I beat shit out of them kids. 1.00

01:04:45.000 That's what I'm saying. 1.00

01:04:46.000 You would say that in front of them. 1.00

01:04:48.000 Don't say shit in front of me. 1.00

01:04:49.000 I'll beat the shit out of you. 1.00

01:04:50.000 That's what I told them all the time. 1.00

01:04:51.000 Don't you say a motherfucking thing in front of me. 1.00

01:04:54.000 Don't you fucking cuss in front of me. 1.00

01:04:55.000 I'm your mama. 1.00

01:04:56.000 You respect me.

01:04:58.000 Do your kids cuss in front of you? 1.00

01:04:59.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:05:00.000 Oh, fuck no. 1.00

01:05:01.000 Yeah, they say wild shit. 1.00

01:05:02.000 No, no, no wild shit around me. 1.00

01:05:04.000 No. 1.00

01:05:05.000 No, I will pop you in your fucking mouth. 1.00

01:05:08.000 My son tomorrow, you hallway trying to fight a nigga. 1.00

01:05:10.000 I sure am. 0.99

01:05:11.000 Don't you say that?

01:05:12.000 My son got kids.

01:05:14.000 Wow.

01:05:14.000 And he can't cuss in front of you?

01:05:15.000 No, no. 1.00

01:05:18.000 We'd be texting sometime, they'd be like, fuck! 1.00

01:05:20.000 I said, erase it, bitch! 1.00

01:05:21.000 Erase it! 1.00

01:05:22.000 I saw that!

01:05:27.000 It's so funny to me that you are so strict about cursing.

01:05:32.000 No, it's disrespectful to curse in front of your parents.

01:05:34.000 It's just so, you curse constantly.

01:05:37.000 I know, but... 1.00

01:05:40.000 Dude, you got me laughing at this shit. 1.00

01:05:43.000 It's so hilarious. 1.00

01:05:45.000 It ain't fucking hilarious. 0.96

01:05:46.000 It's killing me because I see it happening. 0.98

01:05:48.000 I'm like envisioning it in your house.

01:05:51.000 I'm envisioning you coming home.

01:05:52.000 They don't curse.

01:05:54.000 They don't.

01:05:54.000 I believe you.

01:05:55.000 And they be like, I'm grown. 1.00

01:05:57.000 I say, well, bitch, get out of my house. 1.00

01:05:58.000 Have you done an episode about this on the show? 1.00

01:06:00.000 No.

01:06:01.000 Oh my God, you have to. 1.00

01:06:02.000 You fucking have to. 1.00

01:06:04.000 I don't think so. 1.00

01:06:04.000 Don't cuss in front of my house. 1.00

01:06:05.000 You have to.

01:06:06.000 You have to.

01:06:08.000 Oh.

01:06:08.000 You gotta do an episode about this.

01:06:10.000 Okay, Jordan, you gotta do an episode about black.

01:06:11.000 Jordan, please. 0.99

01:06:12.000 This would be so fucking hilarious. 0.99

01:06:14.000 But, you know, black kids didn't do that back in the day. 1.00

01:06:16.000 Like, you can go, like, when my son used to hang out in Indiana with his little white friend and they cuss out they pair, you try that shit at me, I'm gonna bust you in your motherfucking throat. 1.00

01:06:25.000 I tell my son, I'll tell you, you got it twisted. 1.00

01:06:27.000 Wrong household, boo-boo. 1.00

01:06:29.000 I fight back.

01:06:31.000 I fight back. 0.99

01:06:33.000 I tell him, I say, don't forget you're black. 1.00

01:06:36.000 Your mama is hood as fuck. 1.00

01:06:38.000 Don't come home and he's like, I'm having a bad fucking day. 1.00

01:06:42.000 Fucking? 1.00

01:06:43.000 Ain't nobody fucking in here but me. 1.00

01:06:47.000 And you can't say the word. 1.00

01:06:49.000 I beat your fucking ass. 1.00

01:06:51.000 You gotta have an episode about this. 1.00

01:06:54.000 Because those are the craziest rules.

01:06:55.000 And they get so mad.

01:06:57.000 We're grown. 0.99

01:06:57.000 I don't give a fuck. 0.99

01:06:59.000 You can say that to them. 1.00

01:07:01.000 I don't give a fuck. 1.00

01:07:02.000 You can say that. 1.00

01:07:02.000 I say it all the time. 1.00

01:07:03.000 Yeah.

01:07:04.000 So my son smoked weed, right?

01:07:06.000 And it was very hard for me because he's the first child I ever had to do drugs.

01:07:10.000 And so I told you this one time. 1.00

01:07:12.000 I said, why the fuck you smoking weed? 1.00

01:07:13.000 Because since I've been watching Joe Rogan, I smoked weed. 1.00

01:07:16.000 He lost all this fucking weight. 1.00

01:07:17.000 So I couldn't say shit. 1.00

01:07:18.000 He went for 400 pounds to like, I think he like 210. He looks fucking good. 1.00

01:07:23.000 But he got on weed. 0.99

01:07:26.000 Gotta take the good with the bad.

01:07:28.000 Yeah.

01:07:28.000 I just say, son, don't do no pills.

01:07:30.000 Yeah.

01:07:31.000 Well, I don't think weed is bad for you.

01:07:33.000 I just think it's bad for some people.

01:07:34.000 I don't think...

01:07:35.000 He don't get in trouble.

01:07:36.000 He's a good kid.

01:07:37.000 I just don't want him...

01:07:38.000 I don't want him smoking cigarettes.

01:07:40.000 I don't want him drinking in front of me.

01:07:42.000 Right.

01:07:43.000 I get it.

01:07:43.000 You know, I don't party with him.

01:07:46.000 And my son smoke weed, he likes to fucking drink. 0.99

01:07:48.000 And I'm like, Jumbo, your mom and dad ain't here. 1.00

01:07:50.000 He be like, Pop said I could drink a beer with him.

01:07:52.000 I said, Don't drink a beer with him.

01:07:54.000 It's so disrespectful.

01:07:56.000 How old is he now?

01:07:57.000 23. You run the house with an iron fist.

01:08:06.000 I'd be like, take your ass out dog with that shit. 1.00

01:08:08.000 He'd borrow your car, every car he got smell like weed. 1.00

01:08:11.000 So, I don't accept it to weed.

01:08:14.000 But, no, you can't curse in front of me.

01:08:16.000 Look, if he's taking care of his health and lost all that weight, that's hard to do.

01:08:21.000 That's very hard to do. 0.99

01:08:23.000 I've been fighting cheeseburger like a motherfucking UFC fight. 0.98

01:08:28.000 It's so hard to lose weight. 0.98

01:08:29.000 The older you get, it's just like, I'm trying now, but I can't put it in my mind that I'm on a diet.

01:08:36.000 I'm just like, no, I don't need that.

01:08:38.000 Why don't you just, you have resources.

01:08:42.000 Why don't you have somebody meal prep for you?

01:08:45.000 They could make you delicious food that only has a certain amount of calories. 0.99

01:08:48.000 They might sell my husband a dick, Joel. 0.99

01:08:49.000 You can't let them count people in your house. 1.00

01:08:51.000 Get a guy.

01:08:58.000 Not that my husband wouldn't let him.

01:09:01.000 I'm doing some stuff now.

01:09:02.000 My husband just lost a lot of weight.

01:09:03.000 He went on that Ozepic. 0.99

01:09:05.000 Oh yeah, Ozepic, yeah. 0.99

01:09:06.000 Yeah, and this is before everybody found out about it.

01:09:09.000 And they just gave it to him because he has diabetes.

01:09:11.000 And he lost like 60 pounds. 1.00

01:09:13.000 I got on this shit and I swole up. 1.00

01:09:15.000 Really? 1.00

01:09:16.000 It was like I got real puffy from it.

01:09:18.000 So I'm like, I'm just gonna go walk.

01:09:20.000 So I just started walking. 1.00

01:09:21.000 I'm like, I can't do this shit. 0.99

01:09:23.000 How long did you do it for? 1.00

01:09:24.000 I did it for like a month, but I didn't lose any weight.

01:09:27.000 I was very disappointed.

01:09:28.000 My husband didn't even know he really paid attention to it.

01:09:30.000 They just gave it to him before the price hike, too.

01:09:34.000 My husband was paying like $70.

01:09:36.000 Now his prescription after insurance is $900.

01:09:39.000 Wow. 0.98

01:09:40.000 Which is fucking ridiculous because everybody's on it. 0.99

01:09:43.000 It got popular. 0.99

01:09:43.000 It got very popular. 0.99

01:09:44.000 Well, all those Instagram ladies started talking about it.

01:09:47.000 People found out all the celebrities were on it.

01:09:50.000 Yeah, but he lost like 60 pounds.

01:09:53.000 It makes you less hungry, right?

01:09:55.000 It does.

01:09:56.000 I think it would mean, because I thought I took the shot, oh, I can eat now.

01:10:03.000 It didn't curb your appetite enough.

01:10:06.000 It did, but it didn't get to my brain.

01:10:08.000 I don't think the shot got to my brain.

01:10:12.000 That's the problem with food, right?

01:10:13.000 Part of it's pleasure.

01:10:15.000 It's not just you're hungry.

01:10:17.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:10:18.000 But I don't know.

01:10:20.000 I'm good.

01:10:21.000 Nothing has happened, so I don't have any medical issues, thank God.

01:10:24.000 But I would like to lose a little bottom stomach. 0.98

01:10:28.000 Why don't you just get like a trainer?

01:10:29.000 Get a trainer and a meal prep person.

01:10:31.000 Oh.

01:10:32.000 That could be my next birthday gift.

01:10:34.000 Yeah.

01:10:34.000 Do that.

01:10:35.000 Because it'd be easy.

01:10:36.000 Y'all heard that?

01:10:37.000 Joe is going to send a meal prep person and a trainer to my house.

01:10:40.000 Yeah.

01:10:41.000 I'll do it.

01:10:44.000 I will.

01:10:44.000 I'll do it.

01:10:45.000 If that's what you want, I'll find someone for you.

01:10:48.000 Okay, I'm in Atlanta.

01:10:49.000 I'm quite sure there's a bunch of meal preppers down there.

01:10:51.000 Yeah, I just want something that tastes good, though.

01:10:54.000 That's the thing. 0.99

01:10:55.000 It's like this meal prep, they give you a fucking chicken breast and a piece of broccoli. 1.00

01:10:58.000 I'm not going to last. 1.00

01:11:00.000 No.

01:11:00.000 I'm not going to make it.

01:11:01.000 I'll tell you something.

01:11:02.000 I don't eat till 12 in the evening.

01:11:06.000 I stop at 6. And I love the kale salads at Chick-fil-A. Mm-hmm.

01:11:11.000 Mm-hmm. 0.98

01:11:11.000 I don't know if they're healthy, but they're pretty fucking good. 0.98

01:11:14.000 I bet they're... 0.85

01:11:15.000 If you want to investigate their dressing, I guarantee you it's filled with seed oils. 1.00

01:11:21.000 Half of the time, it's dry as fuck. 0.99

01:11:24.000 So a lot of times at my Chick-fil-A, I think they forget to put the dressing on it. 1.00

01:11:28.000 And I'm like, what a fucking dressing? 0.99

01:11:30.000 I'm just eating kale. 1.00

01:11:32.000 Chick-fil-A is a funny place.

01:11:35.000 The funny thing is they close on Sunday.

01:11:38.000 They're Christians.

01:11:39.000 I know.

01:11:40.000 They're missing out on so much money.

01:11:42.000 They don't care.

01:11:43.000 God has blessed them through the week.

01:11:45.000 Have you not seen them lines?

01:11:48.000 It's amazing that nobody figured out that chicken sandwiches Like a big deal before Chick-fil-A. So I had a friend one time.

01:11:55.000 I knew this guy who would take Chick-fil-A chicken to the store.

01:11:58.000 So he would always stop by my house and give me a couple cases.

01:12:01.000 And they pre-wrapped in this marinating sauce.

01:12:05.000 Oh, that was the best stolen chicken we ever had.

01:12:10.000 He used to give us like four or five boxes because he delivered their chicken. 0.99

01:12:14.000 He ain't give a fuck. 0.99

01:12:16.000 Chick-fil-A is weird too because they've got some very interesting views on gay people too. 0.99

01:12:22.000 Yeah, but all Christians do. 1.00

01:12:24.000 You know, my daddy was very religious.

01:12:30.000 And my daughter Boris called one time and my daddy didn't know she was gay, but she was short with these LeBron James looking chicks all the time. 1.00

01:12:44.000 And so my daddy called me.

01:12:46.000 He had loaned my daughter his car one day.

01:12:47.000 This is my favorite story about my daddy, rest in peace.

01:12:49.000 He said, Pat.

01:12:50.000 I said, what daddy said?

01:12:51.000 I don't know if you know this.

01:12:53.000 I said, what daddy said? 1.00

01:12:54.000 But I think your daughter is a bull goddamn digger. 1.00

01:13:02.000 I told my daughter, I said, take Granada, he'll come back, he done figured you out, bitch. 1.00

01:13:07.000 He said, you a bull, goddamn digger. 1.00

01:13:10.000 We laughed for about two hours. 1.00

01:13:13.000 Because the way he said it, nobody says it like that.

01:13:15.000 And it's for words, you shouldn't even say that, according to my daughter. 0.98

01:13:18.000 But that was the funniest shit I can remember about my dad. 1.00

01:13:21.000 He said, when he discovered my daughter was gay, she keep bringing these big bitches around, you don't look like they used to play ball. 1.00

01:13:31.000 Oh, that's hilarious. 1.00

01:13:33.000 Yeah, that's what he said.

01:13:34.000 He said, we gotta pray for her.

01:13:36.000 I said, what we praying for? 1.00

01:13:37.000 We gotta pray that shit out of her. 1.00

01:13:39.000 Not me. 1.00

01:13:40.000 I'm not wasting my time.

01:13:41.000 That spirit is strong and I'm trying to get to heaven. 1.00

01:13:45.000 You can't pray nobody out of eating pussy. 1.00

01:13:48.000 I said, Daddy, you did it. 1.00

01:13:50.000 She's just doing it with titties. 1.00

01:13:53.000 Yeah. 0.94

01:13:54.000 Good point. 0.99

01:13:55.000 Yeah, so I'm not fucking with her sexuality. 0.99

01:13:57.000 Yeah, you can't. 0.99

01:13:58.000 You're just gonna make someone hate you.

01:14:00.000 Yeah, so she's happy. 0.81

01:14:01.000 But it was interesting seeing my Christian daddy accept my gay daughter.

01:14:06.000 A lot of those people in the old school, they had a hard time with that.

01:14:09.000 They did.

01:14:10.000 They did.

01:14:10.000 Especially religious folks.

01:14:12.000 My mother-in-law was like that. 1.00

01:14:14.000 Even the one who told me she was gay. 0.99

01:14:15.000 But that's just life. 1.00

01:14:16.000 Who gives a fuck, you know? 0.99

01:14:18.000 Those people are lonely. 0.99

01:14:19.000 When you're worried about other people being, like I said earlier, you're just lonely, Joe.

01:14:22.000 I have no time to be worried about what's going on with people.

01:14:25.000 I got my own household.

01:14:27.000 I'm building a house.

01:14:28.000 I'm doing TV. You know, I got an overall deal with Viacom.

01:14:32.000 I'm trying to create some shit. 0.99

01:14:34.000 Beautiful. 0.99

01:14:35.000 I'm trying to work.

01:14:36.000 Yeah, that's a positive attitude.

01:14:37.000 You're right, though, about people that are too concerned about other people.

01:14:41.000 It's just, it's wasted energy.

01:14:43.000 You're wasting your life. 0.91

01:14:44.000 You know, the biggest thing that I hope that don't happen, and I don't even want to really get into it, DeSanto, please don't fuck up Disney. 0.99

01:14:52.000 Oh my God. 0.97

01:14:53.000 You don't fuck up Disney? 0.98

01:14:55.000 I don't know, but they suing each other. 0.98

01:14:57.000 I'm like, can you leave Mickey Mouth alone?

01:15:00.000 Please.

01:15:00.000 It'll be fun.

01:15:01.000 I hope so.

01:15:02.000 Yeah.

01:15:02.000 You can't close the happiest place on earth.

01:15:05.000 They're not going to close that place.

01:15:06.000 They didn't close during the pandemic.

01:15:07.000 They're not going to close.

01:15:09.000 Did I go during the pandemic?

01:15:11.000 I went right after the pandemic with my family.

01:15:13.000 We went to Universal.

01:15:15.000 We went to VIP. I'm quite sure you've been VIP. Yeah.

01:15:18.000 That's the best way you can go.

01:15:20.000 Oh, it's amazing. 0.96

01:15:21.000 It's so fucking amazing. 0.97

01:15:22.000 If y'all go to Disney and don't go VIP, you're missing out. 0.97

01:15:26.000 Yeah, you're cutting all the lines.

01:15:28.000 You're going through the back door.

01:15:29.000 Yeah.

01:15:29.000 It ain't cutting the line, because they got a pass you can cut the line.

01:15:31.000 Everybody else had to wait.

01:15:33.000 And I remember, I heard people, because all of us, big and black, and they was like, are they athletes? 0.99

01:15:37.000 And we're like, no, bitch, just a mama comedian. 1.00

01:15:39.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:15:41.000 It was the best experience.

01:15:43.000 My kids, we really enjoyed it.

01:15:45.000 Yeah.

01:15:47.000 You know, when my kids were little, Disneyland, we went there constantly.

01:15:50.000 And when it was shut down during the pandemic, I was really worried that it wasn't going to be able to come back.

01:15:54.000 Because when you hear about how much money they were losing, they were losing some insane amount of money every day.

01:15:58.000 And California wouldn't let them open up.

01:16:01.000 It didn't make any sense.

01:16:02.000 I like the one in Florida.

01:16:03.000 I don't care for the one in California.

01:16:05.000 Really?

01:16:05.000 Yeah.

01:16:06.000 The one in Florida has the best ride ever.

01:16:07.000 The Jurassic, not Jurassic Park, Avatar rides.

01:16:12.000 Flights of Passage.

01:16:13.000 Have you been on that one? 0.99

01:16:14.000 I don't get on no fucking roller coaster. 0.97

01:16:16.000 Oh, it's not that. 0.99

01:16:17.000 It's virtual reality.

01:16:18.000 You sit on what looks like a motorcycle.

01:16:21.000 I know.

01:16:21.000 And you put on virtual reality headsets and you're flying through, but you're not moving.

01:16:25.000 Yeah, but my panty liner can't take that stress.

01:16:27.000 No?

01:16:28.000 No.

01:16:28.000 My kids enjoy it.

01:16:31.000 I'd have walked out that bitch pissy. 1.00

01:16:33.000 But it doesn't move much. 1.00

01:16:35.000 It's mostly in your head.

01:16:36.000 Yeah, but you think you're moving.

01:16:38.000 It makes you feel like you're moving.

01:16:40.000 Also, with that Harry Potter ride.

01:16:42.000 Oh, yeah.

01:16:43.000 I was like, no, I can't do that.

01:16:44.000 That's a fun ride.

01:16:46.000 You got on it?

01:16:47.000 Oh, yeah.

01:16:48.000 Yeah, one of my daughters was very into Harry Potter.

01:16:50.000 She read all the novels, and I had to take her a bunch of times.

01:16:52.000 I've been on that ride multiple times.

01:16:54.000 No, I don't get on any rides.

01:16:55.000 I just, like, friend of Scooter or old people Scooter ride through the park.

01:16:58.000 I wonder, like, what it's like at the Harry Potter world now because everybody hates J.K. Rowling because of her stance on trans women.

01:17:06.000 Like, there's so many people that hate her.

01:17:07.000 I wonder, like, if they've rebelled against Harry Potter world.

01:17:10.000 Probably have.

01:17:11.000 What did she say?

01:17:12.000 I wonder.

01:17:12.000 I don't think it was that unreasonable.

01:17:14.000 It was something about biological men never being women.

01:17:19.000 It was something to the toe of trying to preserve the idea of being a woman. 1.00

01:17:24.000 What did she say that was so questionable?

01:17:26.000 Was that the whole thing when trans men were talking about being, they need to get rid of the song Natural Woman by... 0.75

01:17:33.000 Aretha Franklin, you seen that whole thing? 1.00

01:17:35.000 I have seen that stupid shit. 1.00

01:17:37.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:17:37.000 There's a lot of stupid shit going on with that because what it is is like men, biological men, behaving like men in women's spaces. 1.00

01:17:44.000 So they want to take over things. 1.00

01:17:46.000 That's what you see.

01:17:47.000 I don't agree with them being in sports.

01:17:49.000 No.

01:17:49.000 No matter your wig.

01:17:52.000 And I support you 100%.

01:17:54.000 So what did she say?

01:17:55.000 Okay, people who menstruate, in quotes, I'm sure there used to be a word for these people.

01:18:00.000 Someone help me out.

01:18:01.000 Woman opinion. 0.98

01:18:04.000 Creating a more equal post-COVID-19 world for people who menstruate. 0.60

01:18:08.000 So what she's trying to say is that saying things like people who menstruate, like you are eliminating the idea of being a woman.

01:18:16.000 Because now you're saying that anybody could be a woman.

01:18:18.000 And so she says here, if sex isn't real, there's no same sex attraction.

01:18:22.000 If sex isn't real, the lived reality of women globally is erased. 1.00

01:18:26.000 I know and love trans people, but erasing the concept of sex removes the ability of many to meaningfully discuss their lives.

01:18:33.000 It isn't hate to speak the truth.

01:18:35.000 See what she's saying is not unreasonable.

01:18:38.000 The idea that women like me, who've been empathetic to trans people for decades, feeling kinship because they're vulnerable in the same way as women, i.e.

01:18:49.000 to male violence, hate trans people because they think sex is real and has lived consequences is a nonsense.

01:18:59.000 So she's not saying anything that's that outrageous. 0.98

01:19:02.000 She's being rational about something that seems like very much cult-like behavior.

01:19:08.000 You're trying to eliminate the term woman.

01:19:12.000 She says, I've never felt shouted at, ignored, and targeted as a lesbian within our supposed GLBT community, as I have over the past couple years.

01:19:21.000 Anonymous letter from a terrified lesbian.

01:19:24.000 Yeah.

01:19:26.000 Well, so they're trying to say that she's a TERF, which is a trans-exclusionary radical feminist. 1.00

01:19:33.000 So a radical feminist who doesn't want trans people to be in feminist spaces. 1.00

01:19:39.000 And there's a lot of women that think that... 1.00

01:19:42.000 Women's spaces should be for biological women, and that when you let biological males into women's spaces, even if they say they identify as being a woman, oftentimes they have... 0.94

01:19:54.000 First of all, they're not biological women. 1.00

01:19:56.000 Like the one who was in prison and got the women pregnant. 0.91

01:19:59.000 Yeah, two women pregnant. 1.00

01:20:00.000 Or these fucking athletes that are breaking records, which is just insanity. 1.00

01:20:05.000 Wasn't they boxing? 1.00

01:20:06.000 Wasn't the trans women boxing? 1.00

01:20:09.000 And the women lead also? 1.00

01:20:10.000 There was one MMA fighter.

01:20:12.000 There was an MMA fighter that fought two women, two biological women before... 1.00

01:20:17.000 And beat the shit out of them. 1.00

01:20:18.000 And beat the fucking shit out of them. 1.00

01:20:19.000 Before people knew that she was a biological male. 1.00

01:20:22.000 She didn't tell anybody.

01:20:24.000 So she fought two fights with these biological women, with these women not knowing that she used to be a man. 1.00

01:20:30.000 For 30 years.

01:20:31.000 And even fathered a child.

01:20:33.000 It's cult thinking.

01:20:34.000 Wait a minute.

01:20:34.000 The trans fighter fathered a child.

01:20:37.000 So who the fuck told him? 1.00

01:20:39.000 I don't know what happened, how it got revealed. 0.99

01:20:42.000 But then it was just a giant outrage. 1.00

01:20:45.000 Yeah, I mean, I don't want to fight you, Joe, because you put on a fucking wig. 1.00

01:20:48.000 Yeah, it's ridiculous. 1.00

01:20:49.000 I still got a wound. 0.91

01:20:50.000 Yeah, it's wrong in every shape.

01:20:53.000 You still a man?

01:20:53.000 Yeah, especially not.

01:20:54.000 Look, if someone knows that that person's a trans woman and you still want to fight them, it's up to you. 1.00

01:21:01.000 But not knowing and saying that there's no difference between a trans woman and a biological woman, that's horseshit. 0.98

01:21:07.000 Excuse me, I can pull off my panties and prove to you it's a different joke. 0.98

01:21:12.000 Yeah, there's differences in so many ways.

01:21:15.000 I mean, it's very different. 0.99

01:21:17.000 Yeah, my shit come off sticky. 0.99

01:21:22.000 I like how you say, like you did the laundry before. 0.99

01:21:26.000 So that's what they're mad at.

01:21:28.000 That led to this giant backlash, but it became a thing where people can just say, J.K. Rawlings is transphobic, and they probably don't even know the quotes, and they just attack her online.

01:21:37.000 So she's always defending herself, and they're always attacking her.

01:21:40.000 It's like, But I'm quite sure they still support it.

01:21:42.000 Every time I go there, I go to Harry Potter Lane.

01:21:45.000 Well, I'm sure enough people...

01:21:46.000 Look, it's one of the most successful book series of all time.

01:21:49.000 I think they get ready to do movies, aren't they?

01:21:51.000 They've done a shitload of movies on Harry Potter.

01:21:53.000 Oh, yeah.

01:21:53.000 They're redoing it.

01:21:54.000 They're doing another version?

01:21:56.000 It's a TV show, I think?

01:21:56.000 Yeah, I just heard something.

01:21:58.000 Each book is a season or...

01:22:00.000 I don't know.

01:22:01.000 I wonder if they're gonna woke-ify it. 0.96

01:22:03.000 Oh, yeah. 0.99

01:22:04.000 They're gonna fuck it up. 0.70

01:22:05.000 They're not gonna fuck it up. 1.00

01:22:07.000 Who, that woke will fuck up some shit, won't it? 1.00

01:22:09.000 Boy, boy. 1.00

01:22:11.000 Look at Bud Light.

01:22:12.000 What happened to Bud Light?

01:22:13.000 You don't know? 1.00

01:22:14.000 That's how much I don't pay attention to shit. 1.00

01:22:15.000 Good for you. 1.00

01:22:16.000 Good for you. 1.00

01:22:17.000 I'm learning shit from you. 1.00

01:22:18.000 Go. 1.00

01:22:18.000 What happened to Bud Light? 1.00

01:22:19.000 Bud Light had this trans woman who was like this TikTok famous person named Dylan Moe. 0.98

01:22:27.000 Oh yeah, I heard about her. 0.99

01:22:28.000 They sent her cans of Bud Light with her face on it and everybody went crazy because she did all these, you know, this thing online about it and everybody was like, fuck Bud Light. 0.98

01:22:40.000 Now, like, All these right-wing people are boycotting Bud Light. 0.99

01:22:43.000 They don't want to drink their beer and look down at it as a trans person, huh?

01:22:47.000 Well, it was that and it was also the person who was running the campaign said something about fratty senses of humor that the beer was out of touch.

01:22:56.000 That they wanted to be more inclusive. 0.92

01:22:57.000 So they were basically shitting on all their old fans of Bud Light. 0.89

01:23:02.000 All the people who were their customers. 0.97

01:23:05.000 They were talking down to them.

01:23:07.000 She was saying, well, we need to bring in, the brand is dying.

01:23:11.000 It's not inclusive.

01:23:12.000 We need to make it more inclusive. 1.00

01:23:13.000 And by inclusive, they decided to go with this trans person who's an attention whore. 1.00

01:23:18.000 This is like, look, day 365 of womanhood. 0.99

01:23:22.000 My face is on a can.

01:23:23.000 Literally, we'll say the days he's been a woman. 0.95

01:23:27.000 Day 365 of womanhood, like seriously.

01:23:29.000 Oh, he just turned into a woman? 0.90

01:23:30.000 Yeah, real recent.

01:23:33.000 And Butt Light put him on the kids? 0.61

01:23:36.000 Not only that, other companies have done stuff with her.

01:23:39.000 Him, they.

01:23:41.000 I don't know how they represent themselves.

01:23:43.000 I think it was Maybelline did something.

01:23:47.000 Now people want to boycott Maybelline.

01:23:50.000 Is it Maybelline?

01:23:52.000 Hey world, could I just say something to y'all? 0.56

01:23:54.000 Trans people gotta eat too. 0.91

01:23:55.000 Trans people gotta eat too.

01:23:58.000 But it's also, it's like these companies don't really, they're just doing it because they think that's the hip thing to do.

01:24:03.000 They're doing it because they think that somehow or another it's going to connect.

01:24:06.000 People are going to go, yeah, we're going to support Bud Light now. 1.00

01:24:09.000 That shit doesn't work. 1.00

01:24:10.000 Consumers outrage over Maybelline pays trans woman Dylan Mulvaney to model its makeup. 1.00

01:24:18.000 Joe.

01:24:19.000 She's beautiful.

01:24:22.000 She's beautiful, Joe. 1.00

01:24:23.000 Cut the shit. 1.00

01:24:24.000 No. 1.00

01:24:25.000 Cut the shit. 1.00

01:24:26.000 She's pretty. 1.00

01:24:27.000 No.

01:24:28.000 No.

01:24:28.000 What do you mean, no?

01:24:30.000 No, I don't think so.

01:24:31.000 Where?

01:24:32.000 Right there.

01:24:33.000 Put that back up, Joe.

01:24:34.000 She's had facial surgery.

01:24:36.000 Okay, because I was going to say.

01:24:37.000 To make her face slimmer.

01:24:38.000 Yeah, because I was going to say.

01:24:39.000 That's not very beautiful to me.

01:24:41.000 I couldn't tell.

01:24:42.000 That's odd.

01:24:42.000 It's not ugly.

01:24:44.000 Joe, that's what the average woman look like now. 1.00

01:24:46.000 I don't agree with that.

01:24:47.000 If that's a boy.

01:24:48.000 That's a boy.

01:24:49.000 There.

01:24:50.000 Like, that's what they really look like.

01:24:51.000 She look like a white, happy woman to me.

01:24:55.000 Everybody else who got a plastic surgery.

01:24:57.000 That's post-surgery, right?

01:24:59.000 See if you can find the old pictures, what this person looked like.

01:25:02.000 They had more of like a masculine jawline.

01:25:03.000 I'm quite sure she was.

01:25:04.000 She was a boy once.

01:25:07.000 Riley, do you see them coming out with women jawline? 1.00

01:25:11.000 Well, if they get that surgery, they get the jawline trimmed. 0.99

01:25:16.000 You can get a lot of shit trimmed these days. 0.99

01:25:18.000 Yeah, I heard. 1.00

01:25:19.000 Nothing is a real joke.

01:25:21.000 If she ain't got scratch marks, you need to ask her some questions.

01:25:26.000 Yeah.

01:25:26.000 Oh, Jesus Christ.

01:25:28.000 Where is she?

01:25:29.000 Breaks down FFS. I don't know what that is.

01:25:32.000 Recovery.

01:25:33.000 Facial feminization surgery. 0.62

01:25:35.000 So that's what they used to look like.

01:25:38.000 See?

01:25:40.000 Oh! 0.60

01:25:41.000 Oh! 0.60

01:25:42.000 Oh, Jesus Christ, that's rough. 1.00

01:25:47.000 That's crazy shit they do to people. 0.99

01:25:49.000 When you got the money, everybody want to be beautiful. 1.00

01:25:52.000 Nobody want to be...

01:25:54.000 The Kardashians set a weird standard, you know, because they just kept nicking and tucking until they got it right.

01:26:00.000 Shasha Gabor and that stuff going on in the 80s. 0.93

01:26:02.000 Did they do it?

01:26:02.000 Yeah.

01:26:03.000 I don't know, I'm asking.

01:26:03.000 But I think that looked bad.

01:26:05.000 It was like facelifts. 0.97

01:26:06.000 I think what they do now, like if you look at the nip and tucks today, like they're pretty fucking good at it. 0.81

01:26:11.000 Oh yeah, you remember back in the day they had to cut you and pull your face all the way back, behind your heels. 0.55

01:26:17.000 Do it too far sometimes.

01:26:18.000 You look like Biden.

01:26:21.000 Let me say this. 1.00

01:26:24.000 Biden is such a fucking liar. 1.00

01:26:27.000 I mean, I'm a Democrat, but all those times he said he had COVID, we knew he went and got his eyes redone. 1.00

01:26:35.000 Those fucking eyes are at least five years old. 1.00

01:26:38.000 I mean, they smoother than a baby ass. 1.00

01:26:41.000 But his cheeks is 88. So I'm like, it doesn't match. 0.99

01:26:45.000 His whole face looks weird.

01:26:47.000 Because he only get eye lifts.

01:26:49.000 But he's doing something.

01:26:50.000 It looks like he's got Botox, too.

01:26:51.000 Yeah, right up under the eyes.

01:26:53.000 Look at the bags.

01:26:56.000 Now look at the recent picture.

01:26:58.000 Look, those are bags.

01:27:01.000 He's gotten so much eye work done.

01:27:03.000 Yeah, that seems weird to me.

01:27:06.000 Yeah, to the point he almost can't open his eyes anymore.

01:27:11.000 Yeah, it looks very different, that's for sure.

01:27:13.000 Yeah.

01:27:14.000 Poor president.

01:27:15.000 Poor president.

01:27:17.000 He's running again, too.

01:27:18.000 I just can't believe that.

01:27:19.000 Well, he's running again?

01:27:20.000 Yeah, I just can't believe that.

01:27:22.000 I can't believe they let him.

01:27:24.000 Doesn't make any sense.

01:27:25.000 You can't talk.

01:27:26.000 Well, they let Trump run several times.

01:27:29.000 Trump can at least form a sentence.

01:27:32.000 Yeah.

01:27:33.000 Trump forms a lot of the wrong sentences.

01:27:36.000 There's a lot of that.

01:27:38.000 Biden does too.

01:27:39.000 Yeah, yeah. 0.98

01:27:41.000 I'm a bunch of liars. 1.00

01:27:42.000 They're all a bunch of liars. 1.00

01:27:43.000 All they want us to do is fight. 1.00

01:27:45.000 We fight amongst ourselves while they spend our money.

01:27:47.000 That's why I worry about things like the abortion issue and I worry about some other issues.

01:27:51.000 I think that sometimes those things, they're just designed to keep everybody at each other's throats. 1.00

01:27:57.000 Why they go off and do dumb shit? 1.00

01:28:00.000 Why they go off and make dumb decisions while we're not paying attention? 1.00

01:28:03.000 They put small things for us to fight about. 1.00

01:28:05.000 Then behind the door, they fucking up all kind of other big shit. 0.99

01:28:09.000 Then when they finally come to the light, you're like, what the hell? 0.99

01:28:11.000 Where did this come from?

01:28:12.000 So, you know.

01:28:14.000 They get us upset about things.

01:28:15.000 Next thing, it's gonna be climate change.

01:28:17.000 That's what people are gonna be fighting off.

01:28:19.000 Yeah.

01:28:19.000 Just like they were fighting over COVID. Race, everything else.

01:28:22.000 Everything.

01:28:22.000 Everything else.

01:28:23.000 Gay, straight, abortion, pro-life.

01:28:26.000 Black, white, rich, famous. 0.62

01:28:27.000 Asian.

01:28:28.000 Yeah.

01:28:28.000 Everything.

01:28:29.000 My friend was telling me the other day that somebody just passed a law where if you got a good credit score, you get a higher interest rate.

01:28:39.000 Biden just did that.

01:28:40.000 If you got a bad credit score, you get a... 1.00

01:28:43.000 What the fuck is going on? 0.97

01:28:45.000 So all of these years, you work to have good credit. 1.00

01:28:49.000 You paid your bill on time.

01:28:51.000 So you're going to punish me by doing the right thing? 0.95

01:28:54.000 But the person with the lower credit score who probably can't even afford the damn house can get the house at a better rate? 0.96

01:29:00.000 Yes. 0.97

01:29:01.000 A person who's been bad at paying their bills gets a better rate.

01:29:04.000 They get a better insurance rate, which is insane.

01:29:07.000 If you want to have it equal, you want to have people not penalized because they have bad credit, that's fine.

01:29:12.000 If you want to do that, okay.

01:29:14.000 You want to make it so you don't incentivize people to have good credit?

01:29:17.000 That's what you want to do.

01:29:18.000 But to penalize people who've done the right thing is just un-American.

01:29:22.000 It's crazy. 0.98

01:29:23.000 It's ridiculous. 0.99

01:29:23.000 It doesn't make any sense. 0.99

01:29:25.000 I was telling my friends, I worked my ass off to get my credit score right.

01:29:28.000 Now you're telling me I could get a better interest rate with my 400 I had?

01:29:33.000 Yeah, I mean, it's not saying that some people aren't cast into very difficult situations.

01:29:37.000 But what it is saying is that some people have been as responsible as they can, and they should be rewarded for it.

01:29:43.000 And other people have been as irresponsible as they can, and they shouldn't be rewarded for it.

01:29:48.000 I agree.

01:29:50.000 And they said it's a law now.

01:29:52.000 Is that real?

01:29:53.000 Was that 100%?

01:29:54.000 Was that real?

01:29:54.000 I was trying to find...

01:29:55.000 I had read that this...

01:29:58.000 I saw the meme online for sure going around, but I had read an explanation that it wasn't accurate.

01:30:04.000 Thank God!

01:30:05.000 It wasn't accurate?

01:30:06.000 That it's not...

01:30:09.000 Like they get a 1% credit.

01:30:11.000 It's just like 1% less than it was or something like that.

01:30:14.000 I thought there was a different rate.

01:30:17.000 I thought the law was that it's like one...

01:30:20.000 I don't know what the number difference was, but it was a considerable difference in the rate.

01:30:25.000 Because if you got good credit and you're applying for something, you could probably get the 2% that they're advertising.

01:30:30.000 But somebody with bad credit might get 8% or 7%.

01:30:34.000 Right, right.

01:30:35.000 So I told her, I said, I haven't read anything on it, so I don't know. 0.99

01:30:38.000 I said, but that's the craziest shit I've heard. 0.99

01:30:41.000 Yeah, it's like they're taking a risk. 1.00

01:30:43.000 So they want you to pay more because they're taking a risk.

01:30:45.000 So the idea is that enough people are going to default on it that they will still make their money.

01:30:49.000 And they got insurance on it.

01:30:51.000 Because they got insurance on it.

01:30:53.000 Yeah.

01:30:54.000 It's a mess.

01:30:55.000 Well, that's what this world do.

01:30:56.000 They put you against each other and then they try to keep you in a hole. 1.00

01:31:01.000 You just got to be smart as an individual and say, I'm not falling for this bullshit. 0.98

01:31:04.000 There's definitely a lot of people that want to do that. 0.99

01:31:07.000 Definitely.

01:31:08.000 Definitely a lot of people like to keep people in holes.

01:31:10.000 Yeah.

01:31:11.000 Oh, we in the comedy world.

01:31:12.000 You know we know that. 0.99

01:31:15.000 Hey, they can say one real thing and change your whole fucking life in this industry. 0.98

01:31:20.000 It's a weird world, isn't it? 1.00

01:31:22.000 Because you're saying ridiculous shit and you're trying to be as outrageous as possible. 0.99

01:31:27.000 But, you know, a lot of the things that you see in comedy clubs today, like... 1.00

01:31:34.000 A lot of the jokes that people say on a regular basis could be just the subject of extreme outrage across the country by any group of people at any given time.

01:31:46.000 Any comic could go on stage and say something that the whole audience laughs at and then someone could decide that this is the worst thing that a person's ever said.

01:31:55.000 They do it all the time.

01:31:56.000 All the time. 1.00

01:31:59.000 I'm quite sure people say the same shit to you. 1.00

01:32:02.000 I had somebody tell me one time, how dare you talk about getting an abortion? 1.00

01:32:05.000 I say, fuck you, bitch, it's my pussy. 1.00

01:32:07.000 Talk about your abortion. 1.00

01:32:08.000 How many you killed?

01:32:09.000 Because I still claim all my kids.

01:32:11.000 Did you say this to her face?

01:32:12.000 No, I said it on social media.

01:32:14.000 She hit me on social media. 1.00

01:32:15.000 I didn't know that, bitch. 1.00

01:32:16.000 Don't come on my page and tell me I can't talk about the babies I killed. 1.00

01:32:19.000 They're my goddamn babies. 1.00

01:32:20.000 Bzzz. 1.00

01:32:21.000 You act like you knew the daddy. 0.99

01:32:22.000 You ain't have shit to do with that. 0.99

01:32:24.000 You want no fly on that wall? 0.98

01:32:26.000 Don't tell me.

01:32:27.000 I'm 51. Fuck you. 1.00

01:32:29.000 Some people don't want to hear that. 1.00

01:32:30.000 They only want to hear pro-life.

01:32:34.000 And they think they're righteous and standing up for that.

01:32:37.000 But to not recognize that that's, it's a very complicated issue.

01:32:40.000 It's a very human issue.

01:32:42.000 Like, human issues are very complex.

01:32:44.000 And then when the kid get here, and then you got to put it in the system, nobody wants to adopt it.

01:32:50.000 Nobody wants to care for it.

01:32:51.000 Nobody wants to, you know.

01:32:53.000 Right.

01:32:55.000 One minute you say keep them, then when we keep them, you don't want to help feed them.

01:32:59.000 I mean, sometimes people know that they got their stuff into a situation and they can't take care of that responsibility.

01:33:07.000 Just leave people alone and let them make their own decisions.

01:33:10.000 I say that all the time. 0.99

01:33:11.000 Mind your motherfucking business because that's what I'm going to do with mine. 1.00

01:33:14.000 You got to let people make good decisions and bad decisions and we all got to learn from those good decisions and bad decisions. 0.99

01:33:19.000 That's how we grow as a human being.

01:33:21.000 If you're always perfect, then how are you going to grow, Joe?

01:33:24.000 You're not and no one is.

01:33:25.000 So it's like it's unachievable anyway.

01:33:28.000 Look at the Dalai Lama.

01:33:30.000 What the hell did Dalai Lama do? 1.00

01:33:31.000 Spit in the baby's mouth. 1.00

01:33:33.000 Ask the baby to suck his tongue. 1.00

01:33:37.000 In front of everybody. 1.00

01:33:39.000 In front of everybody.

01:33:41.000 He wasn't alone with this dude.

01:33:43.000 He was out in like a courtyard. 0.99

01:33:44.000 Well, no dude was a fucking kid. 0.99

01:33:45.000 Kid, excuse me. 0.99

01:33:46.000 Little dude.

01:33:47.000 Let me say this to you. 0.99

01:33:48.000 If he did at that time, a kid would have sucked his tongue before. 0.97

01:33:52.000 Oh, 100%.

01:33:53.000 That's not something you try out when you're 70. No, somebody been sucking your tongue. 0.99

01:33:58.000 You don't get to be like seven years old. 1.00

01:34:00.000 But see, that's why black people be Christian, because we would have slapped shit out of that pastor. 1.00

01:34:06.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:34:06.000 I'd have slapped that Dama Llama. 1.00

01:34:13.000 What is it? 0.96

01:34:14.000 Dalai Lama.

01:34:15.000 Dalai Lama.

01:34:15.000 Dalai partner.

01:34:16.000 Dalai Lama's better. 1.00

01:34:19.000 I'd have slapped that goddamn Dalai Lama tongue around his neck. 1.00

01:34:22.000 You stick your fucking tongue in my black baby mouth. 1.00

01:34:25.000 Who left their fucking little boy with that man? 1.00

01:34:27.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:34:28.000 Where are the parents while that's happening?

01:34:30.000 Imagine if that was your son and he's like, stick your tongue out. 1.00

01:34:34.000 I'm going to suck your tongue. 1.00

01:34:35.000 No. 1.00

01:34:36.000 No, I don't think so, sir. 1.00

01:34:37.000 I'd have slapped shit out of that Dalai Lama. 0.99

01:34:39.000 I'm going to tell you right now. 1.00

01:34:40.000 Any parent would. 1.00

01:34:42.000 It's fucking ridiculous. 0.99

01:34:43.000 The fact that he said that, and then he just did it in front of everybody, and then he apologized, and then it kind of went away. 1.00

01:34:49.000 That's what they always do.

01:34:51.000 But that's nuts.

01:34:52.000 But that that one, like you're li- like that's- Proof.

01:34:55.000 It's pretty much proof you're trying to get a boy to French kiss you. 1.00

01:35:00.000 You're telling the boy to suck on your tongue. 0.99

01:35:03.000 What is- what is that? 0.99

01:35:06.000 You know what that is.

01:35:07.000 Yeah, pedophilia.

01:35:09.000 There's two things I was going to add before. 0.51

01:35:11.000 Tongue greeting in Tibetan culture?

01:35:13.000 The video was edited slightly.

01:35:15.000 How so?

01:35:16.000 It's a longer video than the clip that went viral.

01:35:19.000 Okay.

01:35:20.000 And it has, there's context that I think was edited out.

01:35:24.000 Not that we're going to understand it probably, but...

01:35:27.000 See, this is Tibetan culture.

01:35:30.000 So, sticking out your tongue, according to a 2014 BBC article, sticking out your tongue can be considered as rude, but in Tibet, it's a way of greeting.

01:35:39.000 That's just sticking your tongue out.

01:35:42.000 That's not sucking on someone's tongue.

01:35:45.000 That's a very different thing.

01:35:46.000 It says it has a tradition followed by the Tibetan people since the 9th century when the region was ruled by Long Drama who was known for a black tongue.

01:35:56.000 Oh, so he had a black tongue.

01:35:57.000 So that was why sticking out the tongue became like a greeting. 0.99

01:36:00.000 Because this guy had a crazy tongue.

01:36:02.000 You want to show everybody. 0.99

01:36:03.000 His tongue was black.

01:36:05.000 That's what he's saying. 0.99

01:36:06.000 Guy had a black tongue.

01:36:07.000 After the death of the king, locals started showing their tongues when asked to confirm they are not like him or his reincarnation.

01:36:14.000 Oh, interesting.

01:36:15.000 Yeah, but that has nothing to do with sucking on a tongue. 1.00

01:36:18.000 If he said that, stick your tongue out, and the other guy went, ah.

01:36:22.000 It was funny.

01:36:22.000 That's funny.

01:36:23.000 A guy and a kid sticking your tongue out, being silly. 1.00

01:36:27.000 But suck my tongue? 1.00

01:36:29.000 That's a totally different enterprise. 0.99

01:36:30.000 How would you have reacted? 1.00

01:36:32.000 I would have beat the fuck out of him. 1.00

01:36:33.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:36:33.000 Well, I was certainly screamed at him. 1.00

01:36:36.000 I was certainly like, what the fuck are you doing?

01:36:39.000 When this story first hit, so, you know, everything don't translate. 0.92

01:36:42.000 I'm a little slow sometimes. 0.80

01:36:44.000 I thought it was like, when they said Dalai Lama, I thought it was like one of them big-ass llama. 1.00

01:36:50.000 Them things don't talk! 0.99

01:36:57.000 I'm sorry, y'all. 0.92

01:36:58.000 That's dumbness in me. 0.68

01:36:59.000 And I was like, wait a minute. 0.98

01:37:02.000 That's what I was thinking about.

01:37:03.000 One of them llama things.

01:37:04.000 I was like, hold on.

01:37:06.000 He's talking about... 1.00

01:37:07.000 I was like, I'd have beat his ass. 1.00

01:37:08.000 He's a very bizarre religious figure because he was chosen when he was a small child. 1.00

01:37:14.000 That he was the Dalai Lama.

01:37:15.000 So he's been the Dalai Lama his whole life.

01:37:17.000 So it's not like a position he earned, you know, through being this like incredible person that everybody realizes like the reincarnation of some holy person.

01:37:27.000 So who's that for him?

01:37:29.000 I don't know.

01:37:29.000 I don't know what they do.

01:37:31.000 I think they pick one.

01:37:32.000 I don't know how they do.

01:37:33.000 I don't know what the tradition is.

01:37:34.000 But I believe he was picked.

01:37:36.000 See if we can find out how they've picked the Dalai Lama.

01:37:39.000 But he's been the Dalai Lama like his whole life.

01:37:42.000 So he's been this religious, you know, worshipped person his whole life.

01:37:47.000 So what a weird life that guy's had. 0.99

01:37:50.000 How many tongues has he sucked? 0.99

01:37:51.000 That's what I'm saying. 0.99

01:37:52.000 How many times has somebody sucked his tongue? 0.86

01:37:55.000 Yeah.

01:37:55.000 Quite a few.

01:37:56.000 Exactly.

01:37:57.000 Maybe. 1.00

01:37:57.000 Suck my tongue. 1.00

01:37:58.000 Suck my finger. 1.00

01:37:59.000 Hey, suck my whole hand. 1.00

01:38:00.000 Hey, you know what I'm saying? 0.99

01:38:03.000 Thanks so you know.

01:38:04.000 Let me show you some artifacts.

01:38:09.000 That's why I don't go to church.

01:38:11.000 Okay.

01:38:12.000 When the Dalai Lama dies, or even before their death, a successor is found rather than chosen.

01:38:16.000 Traditionally, senior Tibetan monks conduct an elaborate quest to find a child who is the Dalai Lama's next incarnation.

01:38:23.000 The search involves consulting oracles, interpreting visions, and reading spiritual signs.

01:38:28.000 Oh, wow.

01:38:29.000 So that's how they found him.

01:38:32.000 So he was just at the house chilling as a kid.

01:38:33.000 They said, come here boy, you're the Dollar Lama.

01:38:35.000 He's like, pssh, I am the one. 1.00

01:38:37.000 Suck my tongue. 1.00

01:38:40.000 Maybe that's how they found him. 1.00

01:38:41.000 I'm quite sure he had a great life as a Dollar Lama. 1.00

01:38:44.000 Right away when he was a little kid, he's like, come here.

01:38:46.000 And they're like, that's him.

01:38:48.000 We found him.

01:38:49.000 You think you just walk around like a dog with his tongue hanging out.

01:38:52.000 Oh, that's the tongue we've been looking for.

01:38:54.000 Waiting for people to spot him.

01:38:56.000 So you think they was looking for somebody with a sucker baton?

01:38:58.000 Maybe.

01:38:59.000 Took him off to live in the lap of luxury.

01:39:03.000 That's a lap of luxury.

01:39:04.000 Wearing robes.

01:39:05.000 People just following you around and you just talk about life.

01:39:10.000 No relationships, no marriage, no children.

01:39:13.000 They don't have a relationship?

01:39:14.000 No, I think they're supposed to be celibate.

01:39:16.000 Isn't that what the premise of this movie is?

01:39:17.000 Oh, that's right.

01:39:18.000 The Golden Child.

01:39:20.000 Yeah, that is sort of the premise, right?

01:39:22.000 Trying to find the next one.

01:39:23.000 Yeah, because they're celibate, right?

01:39:25.000 Doesn't the Dalai Lama have to be celibate?

01:39:28.000 Wow.

01:39:29.000 I believe they do.

01:39:31.000 Which is also not good.

01:39:33.000 Everybody need to bust a nut.

01:39:35.000 Yeah, everybody.

01:39:36.000 Everybody.

01:39:37.000 You know, I told a story about my special knee uncle. 0.99

01:39:40.000 My granddaddy was buying pussy on Friday because he thought that would help him with having seizures. 0.99

01:39:45.000 And people was like, you're lying. 0.99

01:39:47.000 I'm like, if you grew up in my granddaddy house, everybody know that my granddaddy had hookers to fuck my uncle Cecil because he was special ill, special knee, and he was crippled. 0.97

01:39:56.000 So me and my sister had to go back there and help him get started. 0.97

01:39:59.000 And once we got him started, we went and played Pac-Man.

01:40:01.000 But it didn't help with his seizures, but he came out pretty happy.

01:40:06.000 Well, there you go.

01:40:07.000 You know, that's why I say special needs people need to bust a nut, too. 1.00

01:40:12.000 Yeah. 0.87

01:40:12.000 If there was prostitutes that only specialized in special needs people just to make them happy. 0.87

01:40:17.000 No, my granddaddy paid them. 0.93

01:40:19.000 Yeah, that's what I'm saying, for money.

01:40:21.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:40:21.000 Well, they got like half a pane of whiskey, shit like that. 0.99

01:40:26.000 Oh, that's what he gave them? 0.99

01:40:27.000 Yeah.

01:40:28.000 He ran the bootleg house, so he sold Moonshine.

01:40:31.000 So he would feed them and give them whiskey and a few dollars. 1.00

01:40:34.000 What kind of hookers can you get to fuck a special needs guy from Moonshine? 1.00

01:40:38.000 I mean, I'm having a hard time seeing the bright side of this. 1.00

01:40:46.000 Oh my god, what do these ladies look like? 1.00

01:40:51.000 These poor ladies were down on their luck. 1.00

01:40:54.000 They didn't look like that chick on that sign behind you, but they look a lot like these.

01:40:59.000 That's Mitzi Shore. 1.00

01:41:00.000 Oh.

01:41:01.000 Yeah, that's who that is.

01:41:02.000 I don't know who that is.

01:41:03.000 Mitzi Shore founded the Comedy Store. 0.99

01:41:05.000 Damn, what? 0.99

01:41:06.000 Yeah, that's Mitzi. 0.99

01:41:09.000 You know, I don't think I knew Missy.

01:41:11.000 Our bar at the Comedy Mothership is called Mitzi's.

01:41:14.000 Oh, wow.

01:41:15.000 Didn't she just recently pass?

01:41:16.000 Yeah.

01:41:17.000 That's beautiful.

01:41:18.000 We have a sign that's a neon sign that's modeled after her signature.

01:41:22.000 So we took her signature and converted it into a neon sign.

01:41:26.000 Oh, wow.

01:41:28.000 Yeah.

01:41:28.000 What holes have the look of how it look like these?

01:41:30.000 Yeah, probably look like those.

01:41:34.000 Probably look like these skulls, just barely hanging on.

01:41:38.000 A lot of the teeth, I can tell you that.

01:41:40.000 Yeah.

01:41:41.000 Those aren't real skulls.

01:41:43.000 No, you don't have to feel worried about it.

01:41:44.000 There's a guy named Jack of the Dust.

01:41:46.000 He's an artist.

01:41:48.000 Those are those day of the dead skulls.

01:41:49.000 I didn't think you would have dead skulls.

01:41:52.000 No, I did at one point in time.

01:41:54.000 I bought a whole dead skeleton online and I put it in my piranha tank.

01:41:59.000 So I had a piranha tank and there was a human skeleton inside of it.

01:42:04.000 Who bought it was it?

01:42:05.000 I don't know.

01:42:06.000 I bought it online.

01:42:07.000 This is like in the 90s. 0.99

01:42:10.000 Damn, Joe, you just that rich? 0.99

01:42:12.000 You just buy people bones? 1.00

01:42:13.000 I wasn't that rich.

01:42:14.000 Back then, I was nearly as rich as you.

01:42:15.000 I guarantee you that.

01:42:16.000 You was that bored?

01:42:18.000 I was a man that had money, and I lived by myself. 0.95

01:42:22.000 I was a crazy person.

01:42:24.000 So what did the piranhas do?

01:42:25.000 Did they eat them?

01:42:26.000 No, no, no.

01:42:27.000 They ate goldfish.

01:42:28.000 I'd feed them goldfish.

01:42:30.000 Did you ever stick your hand in there and see if they really bite you?

01:42:33.000 No!

01:42:33.000 No, no, no, no.

01:42:34.000 Have you saw what they did to those goldfish?

01:42:36.000 Oh my god, it was crazy.

01:42:39.000 So like every few days I would have just a slaughter fest in my living room.

01:42:43.000 I would go to the store, I'd go to the pet store and I'd buy a big bag of goldfish.

01:42:48.000 And I'd just dump them in there with the piranhas, and it would just be madness.

01:42:53.000 You'd see goldfish swimming away, like half-bitten.

01:42:56.000 They'd just bite them in half, like half of them swimming away.

01:43:00.000 They'd bite each other's lips off because they were trying to steal food from each other. 0.99

01:43:03.000 Why didn't you drop chickens and shit in there? 1.00

01:43:06.000 You could if you wanted to, but I'm not a fan of torturing mammals. 0.99

01:43:09.000 I don't have feelings like that towards fish.

01:43:12.000 Fish eat fish and that's just what they do. 1.00

01:43:14.000 But if I threw a mouse in there or something, I'd probably feel bad for that little guy.

01:43:17.000 They're too close to us.

01:43:19.000 They're warm-blooded.

01:43:19.000 They have fur.

01:43:21.000 Something about that.

01:43:23.000 If I had fed a rat to a python, I'd be like...

01:43:27.000 This is so close to the food chain.

01:43:30.000 Whereas throwing goldfish into a tank filled with piranhas, they have to eat.

01:43:35.000 They're going to eat dead fish or live fish. 0.99

01:43:36.000 They'd rather eat them live.

01:43:37.000 That's what they like to do.

01:43:39.000 So you watch them do it.

01:43:40.000 They go into a feeding frenzy.

01:43:42.000 It was wild.

01:43:44.000 I just had a snake on my back porch.

01:43:46.000 What kind?

01:43:47.000 I don't know.

01:43:48.000 It was big.

01:43:50.000 I put it on my Instagram. 0.99

01:43:51.000 It was fucking huge. 0.98

01:43:53.000 See if you can find it. 0.99

01:43:54.000 I'll tell you what it is.

01:43:55.000 Oh, you'll tell me what it is?

01:43:56.000 I can give you a rough idea of what it is.

01:43:58.000 I'm not the best at it, but I can send it to somebody and they can tell you for sure.

01:44:02.000 Let me see if I can find this on my Instagram.

01:44:05.000 It was the most serious...

01:44:06.000 Jamie can find it.

01:44:06.000 How far away was it?

01:44:07.000 How long ago was it?

01:44:08.000 It's not that far, Jamie, if you look down there.

01:44:10.000 We'll find it. 1.00

01:44:11.000 It was a fucking... 1.00

01:44:12.000 I told my husband, you hear me in the background screaming, choke it out! 1.00

01:44:15.000 My husband's like, is you fucking crazy? 1.00

01:44:20.000 I don't know. 1.00

01:44:21.000 Yeah, there he is.

01:44:22.000 That's my poetry.

01:44:24.000 Okay, it's not a rattler, because the tail...

01:44:27.000 Let me see.

01:44:28.000 Oh, Jesus Christ.

01:44:30.000 Oh, wait a minute.

01:44:31.000 Hold on.

01:44:34.000 Wow, you have three of them?

01:44:36.000 Two or three?

01:44:37.000 Oh, it's just one. 1.00

01:44:39.000 It's your ass day! 1.00

01:44:41.000 Is it poison? 1.00

01:44:44.000 Is it poison? 1.00

01:44:47.000 Can you come choke his ass out? 1.00

01:44:54.000 I think that's just a garden snake, but it's pretty big. 1.00

01:44:59.000 I can't see its head.

01:45:01.000 The shape of their head should tell you.

01:45:03.000 If you see one that has a shape of a head and a diamond, that's a poisonous snake generally.

01:45:07.000 There's other poisonous snakes that don't have a head that way, but like rattlesnakes and snakes like that, they have a head like that.

01:45:13.000 So we pick him up because the guy was like, I don't think he's part.

01:45:17.000 So we put him in the trash can.

01:45:18.000 This guy's doing my roof, Mexican chocolate.

01:45:20.000 Oh, I get him, put him in the trash can. 1.00

01:45:22.000 So I tell the engineer, I was like, can you please get this fucking snake away from me? 0.99

01:45:26.000 So he said, oh, it's probably a gun snake. 0.99

01:45:28.000 I take him home.

01:45:29.000 So he said, well, my wife don't want him. 1.00

01:45:30.000 So he said, well, I throw him down the hill, like on my land.

01:45:33.000 And he came back. 0.60

01:45:34.000 So I'm like, look, just because we black, we're not going to hang out together. 1.00

01:45:38.000 So I take a stick and I slap the shit out of him. 1.00

01:45:42.000 And he turned around like, this bitch is stupid, and just left. 1.00

01:45:45.000 I'm like, I asked you, I'm trying to be nice not to kill you. 1.00

01:45:48.000 Right. 1.00

01:45:48.000 Because I was going to put him in the trash can, and I was like, oh, he's going to come out in the fucking big dumpster. 1.00

01:45:52.000 Let those carne corsos after him. 0.99

01:45:55.000 They'll take care of it.

01:45:56.000 Oh.

01:45:57.000 Quick.

01:45:58.000 Well, they wasn't at that house.

01:45:59.000 It's the house I was building.

01:46:00.000 Oh, okay.

01:46:00.000 Just bring them out there?

01:46:03.000 Yeah, I should, but that snake scared the fuck out of them.

01:46:05.000 So my husband's down in one of the big garage we got down on the property, and there it is. 1.00

01:46:10.000 Three, four snakes in there, motherfucker. 1.00

01:46:12.000 Oh, you got a snake problem. 1.00

01:46:13.000 I do. 0.99

01:46:14.000 A lake is in the back of my house, a creek-like, and they fucking, they're so big. 0.98

01:46:20.000 Mm-hmm. 0.99

01:46:21.000 I'll tell you some crazy shit I've seen. 1.00

01:46:23.000 I've never seen a real owl in my owl, O-W-L, because I say they're fucked up. 1.00

01:46:28.000 So I'm sitting in my girlfriend, y'all, in the city of Atlanta, out fly a fucking owl, cold-blooded, like he had on a three-piece suit that was orange like a black man and some fucking Stacey Adams, and hit the ground, and looked at me like, what's up, bitch? 0.99

01:46:42.000 And his head spinned. 1.00

01:46:46.000 Joe Rogan, I put that fucking car in reverse. 1.00

01:46:49.000 I said, bitch, you got an owl in your yard and we in the hood. 1.00

01:46:56.000 That was the scariest shit I ever seen to see a fucking real owl. 1.00

01:47:00.000 The way he came out that tree, I didn't know their wings was that big. 1.00

01:47:03.000 He was like, what's up, bitch? 1.00

01:47:05.000 And he hit that ground. 1.00

01:47:06.000 And I was like, wait a fucking minute. 0.99

01:47:07.000 I put on the bright lights. 0.98

01:47:08.000 And he's just looking like, what it is?

01:47:12.000 It scared the shit out of me.

01:47:13.000 I had this guy, Dan Flores, on the podcast the other day, and he's a wildlife historian.

01:47:18.000 He wrote an amazing book about the history of wildlife in America.

01:47:22.000 One of the things he said, when they find owl's nests, this one owl's nest, they found 75 cat collars in this owl's nest.

01:47:32.000 So this owl would just swoop cats up, take them into the nest, kill them and eat them, feed them to their babies. 0.98

01:47:39.000 That's where most cats that go missing.

01:47:41.000 He said it's owls.

01:47:43.000 He said they watched one.

01:47:44.000 They were at this place that had a back patio and there was this cat that was walking on the top of the railing and this owl came, just swooped him up and took him off.

01:47:54.000 Just flew away with him. 0.99

01:47:55.000 They're big fucking birds. 1.00

01:47:57.000 They're like a three foot wingspan and giant talons. 1.00

01:48:01.000 Owls are ruthless. 1.00

01:48:02.000 I've never seen one until I seen one in her yard.

01:48:05.000 And she lives in the city of Atlanta.

01:48:08.000 The way he came down out that tree, it was beautiful.

01:48:10.000 Because, you know, I'm sitting there on the phone.

01:48:12.000 I'm not high. 0.99

01:48:13.000 So I'm like, what the fuck is that? 0.99

01:48:15.000 And it's just like he was in slow motion. 0.99

01:48:17.000 He hit that ground. 1.00

01:48:18.000 And that motherfucker head, that nigga head spin around. 1.00

01:48:20.000 I said, no, you got the wrong black person. 1.00

01:48:23.000 I threw that car reverse and bitch. 1.00

01:48:25.000 You got an owl in your yard. 0.99

01:48:29.000 I couldn't call the police and say, come get down.

01:48:32.000 Yeah, they're probably looking for cats. 0.99

01:48:34.000 I don't know what the fuck he's looking for, but he wasn't looking for me that night. 0.99

01:48:36.000 I left my friend's house. 0.99

01:48:39.000 I sure did.

01:48:40.000 I said, you need to cut your... 1.00

01:48:41.000 What the fuck is that? 1.00

01:48:42.000 Feathers, they look weird as fuck. 1.00

01:48:43.000 That's what they look like without feathers? 0.99

01:48:44.000 I guess.

01:48:45.000 Why does that have no feathers? 0.94

01:48:47.000 Science?

01:48:48.000 I don't know.

01:48:49.000 Oh, they probably skinned it.

01:48:50.000 Oh, it's probably dead.

01:48:51.000 Oh, wow. 1.00

01:48:53.000 They look creepy as fuck. 1.00

01:48:55.000 That wing looks tasty, don't it? 1.00

01:48:57.000 Look at them.

01:48:58.000 Wow, their wings are tasty.

01:49:00.000 Are they good?

01:49:01.000 No, I've never eaten it, but I'm just saying right there on the picture, they look like friable.

01:49:05.000 That looks like you could make something out of that.

01:49:07.000 Like a little bite-sized morsel.

01:49:09.000 Yeah, little legs. 0.99

01:49:10.000 Probably tough. 1.00

01:49:11.000 That's an ugly fucker. 1.00

01:49:13.000 Tough meat. 1.00

01:49:13.000 They're strong as shit. 1.00

01:49:15.000 The fact that that little fucker can carry off a cat... 1.00

01:49:18.000 You know, a cat's gotta weigh 10 pounds. 1.00

01:49:20.000 When I was, um, when we was tearing down my house and putting the concrete down, it's this big ass, I guess an eagle flew out of the, flew out of the, I don't know where the fuck he came from, Joe. 0.99

01:49:30.000 We sat in there and he swooped down and got this rabbit off the ground, took the head and yanked it off and took off with the body. 0.99

01:49:37.000 I was like, oh my fucking God. 0.99

01:49:39.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:49:40.000 And I was like, where the fuck did I move? 0.98

01:49:42.000 Came back. 0.99

01:49:43.000 They was like, don't touch it. 0.65

01:49:44.000 He's gonna come back for the head.

01:49:45.000 Came back and got the head. 1.00

01:49:48.000 That was some creepy shit. 0.99

01:49:50.000 And they're always flying around because they got tall trees out there in the woods. 0.99

01:49:54.000 It's crazy to see that.

01:49:56.000 It's cool though because that's population control.

01:49:58.000 If you didn't have that, you'd have rabbits everywhere, rats everywhere.

01:50:01.000 That's what they're doing.

01:50:02.000 They're keeping it clean.

01:50:04.000 That's like when people complain about coyotes in Hollywood.

01:50:07.000 I'm like, try to find a rat.

01:50:09.000 Yeah.

01:50:10.000 There's no rats out here.

01:50:11.000 These rats are hiding.

01:50:12.000 They're in trouble. 0.51

01:50:13.000 Rats are in trouble.

01:50:14.000 Coyotes are everywhere.

01:50:15.000 Well, they need to take them to New York.

01:50:17.000 Yeah, they're in New York.

01:50:18.000 Coyote?

01:50:19.000 Yeah, they're in New York.

01:50:20.000 But the problem with New York is the subway system. 0.97

01:50:22.000 New York, the rats are all underground.

01:50:24.000 They are so embedded in the city, they'll never get them out of the city. 0.94

01:50:27.000 There's more rats in New York City than there are human beings.

01:50:31.000 You take them coyotes down there.

01:50:33.000 They won't be able to do anything.

01:50:35.000 There'll be a lot of coyotes in New York City, and they'll eat a lot of rats. 0.97

01:50:39.000 They'll never put a dent in the population. 1.00

01:50:41.000 Yeah, because rats are always fucking... 0.99

01:50:43.000 They get underground, too. 1.00

01:50:45.000 They get underground.

01:50:46.000 They get in the pipes.

01:50:47.000 They get in the walls.

01:50:47.000 They get in the buildings.

01:50:48.000 They find little tiny holes.

01:50:50.000 They can compress their body to get through a tiny little hole, just about as big as their face.

01:50:55.000 They can get through that.

01:50:56.000 They'll chew through the walls, chew through pipes. 0.99

01:50:58.000 Rats go everywhere. 1.00

01:50:59.000 They'll go up your fucking toilet. 1.00

01:51:00.000 So one time, I just gave birth to my daughter by my husband. 1.00

01:51:06.000 So he go down to the kitchen where we just got our kitchen remodeled.

01:51:08.000 So these rats done chewed through the baseboard. 0.95

01:51:11.000 So my husband come tipping back upstairs.

01:51:12.000 I said, what's wrong? 1.00

01:51:13.000 He said, I need my fucking shoes. 1.00

01:51:14.000 I said, what's wrong? 1.00

01:51:15.000 Fucking rats. 1.00

01:51:15.000 And there was two rats in the kitchen. 1.00

01:51:17.000 And they just having a good time.

01:51:18.000 My husband, I go downstairs. 1.00

01:51:20.000 These fuckers ain't going to get my baby. 1.00

01:51:21.000 He jump up on the aisle. 1.00

01:51:23.000 Grab a can of tuna, Joe. 1.00

01:51:25.000 Threw the tuna and hit the fucking rat so hard upside the head. 1.00

01:51:29.000 That rat stood up his head and just stood up on his high leg and fell back. 1.00

01:51:35.000 The other rat looked like, oh, they killing niggas around here. 1.00

01:51:40.000 Jump back through that hole. 0.96

01:51:43.000 Jumped back through that hole and we never had another rat coming off.

01:51:47.000 Really? 0.99

01:51:48.000 My husband hit that rat with a countertuner upside his head. 1.00

01:51:51.000 That motherfucker stood up from the pain and that other rat looks like, oh, I'm about this bitch. 1.00

01:51:56.000 He went back through that hole and he never came back, Joe. 1.00

01:51:59.000 Wow.

01:52:00.000 One countertuner got through the all-all rat problem.

01:52:03.000 That's effective.

01:52:04.000 I would have thought they would have come back.

01:52:06.000 Never came back.

01:52:07.000 Never had a problem.

01:52:08.000 Other problem I had was squirrels. 0.99

01:52:09.000 They used to fuck in my roof all the time. 1.00

01:52:12.000 You hear them up there? 0.99

01:52:13.000 I told my husband, I said, don't you want to do what they're doing?

01:52:18.000 He's like, she's a hoe. 1.00

01:52:23.000 And so one of them fell out the roof down in the house through the vent. 0.99

01:52:28.000 And boy, I was stuck in the house all day with my newborn baby because I was too scared to go downstairs because of the fucking squirrel. 0.99

01:52:35.000 My husband came home. 1.00

01:52:36.000 I said, it's a fucking squirrel down there behind the sofa. 0.99

01:52:39.000 He moved us over the squirrel around. 1.00

01:52:40.000 He kicked the squirrel so motherfucking hard, the squirrel laying in a tree. 1.00

01:52:45.000 I said, I've been stuck in this room all day for this bullshit, and you come kick the fucking squirrel in the ass, and it's over? 1.00

01:52:53.000 So I'm scared of rodents. 1.00

01:52:55.000 Well, no one's really scared of squirrels.

01:52:57.000 You're not scared of squirrels, man. 1.00

01:52:58.000 Yes the fuck I am. 1.00

01:52:59.000 They're cute. 1.00

01:53:00.000 They probably whoop your ass, too. 0.99

01:53:03.000 Yeah, but they're not aggressive. 1.00

01:53:05.000 Rats can be aggressive.

01:53:07.000 Nah, I've never heard of a squirrel biting anybody.

01:53:09.000 You ever heard of a squirrel biting anybody?

01:53:11.000 I'm quite sure squirrel bite people. 1.00

01:53:12.000 I'm quite sure if you fuck with a squirrel, they'll bite you. 0.99

01:53:15.000 But you have to probably have them trapped. 1.00

01:53:17.000 You know what squirrels do do?

01:53:19.000 They bite the nuts off other squirrels.

01:53:22.000 Yeah.

01:53:23.000 Like when squirrels are trying to breed and there's another male squirrel bite, one squirrel will bite that squirrel's nuts off.

01:53:32.000 What?

01:53:33.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:53:34.000 That's some hating shit. 1.00

01:53:35.000 Oh, hating shit. 1.00

01:53:36.000 They throw each other out of trees. 1.00

01:53:37.000 I've seen that.

01:53:39.000 Yeah. 0.98

01:53:39.000 One of them will try to be fucking, the other one will come over and just literally toss the other one out of a tree. 0.98

01:53:44.000 They'll fall 50, 60 feet and they land on the ground and they're fine. 0.99

01:53:48.000 They're like designed to fall out of trees.

01:53:51.000 Yeah, I've seen them almost getting hit all the time.

01:53:54.000 You ever see how far a squirrel can fall and be fine? 0.99

01:53:57.000 It's fucking crazy. 0.98

01:53:59.000 They fall, like really far, and hit the ground, and just screw back up the tree again. 0.99

01:54:06.000 You're such an interesting person. 0.97

01:54:10.000 Do squirrels bite testicles off other squirrels? 0.92

01:54:13.000 So has this been resolved?

01:54:15.000 The answer is no.

01:54:17.000 No, they don't.

01:54:18.000 So it was an old wives' tale?

01:54:19.000 Steve brought it up on a podcast.

01:54:21.000 He suggested in his topic as a fact checker on episode 206, I joked about everyone believes it because he said it so many times, is proven wrong when the Meteor inbox flooded with messages from listeners in Pennsylvania, Wisconsin, California, Kentucky, and everywhere in between, they told me that prior to Steve bringing it up,

01:54:37.000 they'd heard this claim from granddads, uncles, cousins, neighbors, hunting mentors, and more.

01:54:43.000 Sigurd Olson's 1956 book, The Singing Wilderness, is the oldest written source of this claim.

01:54:52.000 In the book inspired by Lake Superior's beauty, Olson has an entire chapter dedicated to red squirrels.

01:54:58.000 I also know that owls like them as well as martens.

01:55:02.000 And they can throw the fear of death into larger gray squirrels should they invade through the convenient medium of castration.

01:55:08.000 Oh, so that's what he's saying.

01:55:10.000 I've literally watched squirrels for tens of thousands of hours in detailed behavior studies, including a hundred or more mating bouts.

01:55:18.000 In some instances, there were massive assemblances of dozens of males chasing a single female in estrus for seven to ten hours.

01:55:25.000 Through all of that, I never witnessed this happen.

01:55:28.000 The common folklore is just that, folklore.

01:55:30.000 So it's not true.

01:55:32.000 Thank God.

01:55:33.000 Cause those little nuts off them guys. 1.00

01:55:35.000 There's no scientific evidence or observation to support this, Odell said. 0.97

01:55:39.000 I've seen many squirrels fight over females and bite each other, but not specifically targeting the testicles.

01:55:45.000 In theory, a squirrel could bite off another's testicles, but it isn't common practice or a common occurrence and certainly doesn't warrant how often people believe they kill sackless male squirrels.

01:55:57.000 Okay, so I was spreading misinformation. 0.96

01:56:00.000 Thought it was real.

01:56:02.000 Because you had me, because I be listening to you, Joe.

01:56:04.000 Yeah, I think I probably learned it from Steve. 1.00

01:56:07.000 When you do that UFO shit, you scare the fuck out of me. 1.00

01:56:10.000 Oh, I had one the other day that was a real good one. 1.00

01:56:12.000 Yeah.

01:56:13.000 You saw one?

01:56:14.000 No, no, no, no.

01:56:15.000 Good UFO podcast.

01:56:18.000 James Fox.

01:56:19.000 He wrote a documentary about a UFO that crashed in Brazil.

01:56:22.000 Do you believe it?

01:56:23.000 I think I do.

01:56:24.000 I believe some of it.

01:56:26.000 I don't know what to believe.

01:56:27.000 I don't believe any of it 100%, but I get in the 90s.

01:56:30.000 I get in the high 90s.

01:56:34.000 You know, but the problem is, Pat, is that I want it to be real.

01:56:37.000 Why?

01:56:38.000 Because I think it's fun.

01:56:40.000 It's fun if it's real.

01:56:41.000 It's exciting that we're being watched.

01:56:44.000 What?

01:56:44.000 We are being watched.

01:56:45.000 The police, the FBI, the CIA. What the hell the fuck do you want? 1.00

01:56:49.000 Let them be your aliens. 1.00

01:56:51.000 I think the human race is being watched.

01:56:53.000 Yeah, by God.

01:56:54.000 Whatever's bigger than all of us.

01:56:56.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:56:57.000 I don't want to be watched by people with sunken faces, looking like crackhead and skinny and shit, with magical fingers that can go up our asses. 1.00

01:57:06.000 I don't want to be floated away and pushed on by a little bitty motherfucker with a head like this. 1.00

01:57:13.000 Right. 1.00

01:57:14.000 You know, if you're going to kidnap me, be sexy. 1.00

01:57:17.000 At least be fuckable. 0.99

01:57:20.000 I don't know about the abduction stories. 0.96

01:57:23.000 I don't know how many of those are real. 1.00

01:57:24.000 I don't think that shit is real, Joe. 1.00

01:57:26.000 I don't know. 1.00

01:57:27.000 The thing is, if it happened to a small number of people and it was by a super advanced intelligent civilization that is so far beyond us that we can't even imagine it.

01:57:38.000 How much evidence do you think they would leave behind?

01:57:40.000 Do you know how many times men has been cheating on women and told their wife they was abducted by aliens?

01:57:46.000 Really? 1.00

01:57:47.000 That's why black women don't believe that shit. 1.00

01:57:50.000 Where you been, Ruben? 1.00

01:57:52.000 You been gone three weeks. 1.00

01:57:53.000 Oh, baby, this fucking alien came and got me. 1.00

01:57:56.000 All these fine bitches, they floated me out of space. 1.00

01:57:58.000 I told them I had you back at the house waiting on me. 0.99

01:58:02.000 Well, that's a different kind of story. 0.98

01:58:05.000 That's why black people don't... 1.00

01:58:06.000 That's why black women don't believe in aliens. 1.00

01:58:08.000 They daddy came home with them kind of stories. 0.97

01:58:10.000 He been gone two weeks. 0.99

01:58:11.000 He was a dog dick. 1.00

01:58:12.000 He was a dog dick. 1.00

01:58:13.000 How do you think you would feel if you saw one? 1.00

01:58:15.000 If you saw a UFO? I've seen motherfucking look like aliens all my life in my family. 0.98

01:58:21.000 Like, how you doing, Tyrone? 0.98

01:58:23.000 What's up, Jerome?

01:58:26.000 What it is, little Willie?

01:58:27.000 So you saw a UFO, you would just tell no one?

01:58:30.000 A UFO? Yeah.

01:58:32.000 Saw a real UFO. You're driving by yourself.

01:58:34.000 You're on the highway.

01:58:36.000 Let me say this. 1.00

01:58:38.000 In this damn time... 0.99

01:58:39.000 Something's hovering over your car. 0.99

01:58:41.000 Bright lights everywhere.

01:58:42.000 It could be Elon Musk with a new Tesla.

01:58:45.000 So...

01:58:47.000 I just can't say that. 0.99

01:58:48.000 That might be Elon Musk's new shit that worked this time. 0.99

01:58:51.000 I'm not fucking gonna run and say it's no damn. 0.99

01:58:54.000 Until some people just jump out and say, you know, try to beam me up. 0.98

01:58:58.000 I mean, that's another reason why I stay on the plus side.

01:59:01.000 Because they're gonna have a lot of energy to lift me up. 0.98

01:59:05.000 That motherfucking UFO better be plugged up. 1.00

01:59:09.000 I don't believe in that bullshit. 1.00

01:59:11.000 You don't believe in it at all? 1.00

01:59:12.000 No.

01:59:12.000 You think we're alone in the universe?

01:59:15.000 No, we got stars.

01:59:17.000 Right, but do you think there's, on other planets, there's intelligent life?

01:59:21.000 The way the white people have suffered, I mean, been nosy on every planet, ain't nothing out there.

01:59:27.000 We're not that nosy on every planet.

01:59:29.000 We barely ever reach.

01:59:30.000 Well, whatever we can reach.

01:59:32.000 Yeah, but we're just starting to be able to reach in our solar system.

01:59:36.000 Yeah, but no, I don't think nothing out there.

01:59:38.000 Nothing?

01:59:38.000 Really?

01:59:39.000 We're alone in the whole universe.

01:59:43.000 Of infinite planets.

01:59:45.000 Yeah.

01:59:46.000 Infinite galaxies. 0.99

01:59:47.000 You ain't gonna pull me into that bullshit, Jordan. 0.99

01:59:48.000 I don't believe in no aliens. 1.00

01:59:50.000 I know some ugly ass people. 1.00

01:59:53.000 I'm gonna stick to ugly ass people. 1.00

01:59:55.000 I don't think there's no extraterrestrial shit out there. 1.00

01:59:59.000 I don't think there's nobody coming to get us. 0.99

02:00:01.000 No, I don't. 0.97

02:00:02.000 What do you think these people are seeing when they're seeing like spaceships and shit? 0.99

02:00:05.000 They high. 1.00

02:00:08.000 They send new model calls, they dreaming, because if you put a lot of that shit in your head, you go to sleep and you dream about it. 1.00

02:00:14.000 Do you have any shit like that that you believe in that's illogical, like ghosts? 1.00

02:00:18.000 Nah. 1.00

02:00:19.000 You don't believe in ghosts?

02:00:20.000 I believe, I do believe the spirit floats around.

02:00:23.000 I do believe that. 0.98

02:00:25.000 I don't know, sometimes I, you know, how you see shit can happen. 0.86

02:00:29.000 I do believe the spirit hang around earth for a while. 0.95

02:00:32.000 Yeah?

02:00:32.000 Yeah, before they go to their, if there's a place where they supposed to go.

02:00:36.000 So I do believe, I ain't never seen no ghosts.

02:00:39.000 Now my mama said she, her mama came back and called my granddaddy with his best friend. 0.90

02:00:44.000 Well, my mama stayed high, so I don't know.

02:00:49.000 But, nah, I don't... 0.99

02:00:50.000 I believe that there might be a ghost, but I don't believe there's no fucking aliens. 0.93

02:00:55.000 I believe your loved ones who have left and body can still be here on Earth with you. 0.91

02:01:00.000 How do you not believe in aliens in all the universe?

02:01:06.000 You don't think there's another planet like us out there somewhere?

02:01:08.000 Nah.

02:01:10.000 This is it.

02:01:11.000 I think this is it. 1.00

02:01:13.000 This planet is so fucked up, God ain't got time for two of us. 0.99

02:01:17.000 So we better not fuck this up then. 1.00

02:01:19.000 We already fucked it up. 0.85

02:01:21.000 But have we really? 0.95

02:01:21.000 I mean, we're here right now. 0.95

02:01:23.000 Everything seems fine.

02:01:24.000 Everything's always seems fine until it hits you.

02:01:27.000 They ain't gonna never tell you the truth until it hits you.

02:01:29.000 What are you worried about?

02:01:30.000 Nothing.

02:01:31.000 What are you worried about it hitting?

02:01:32.000 Like, until it hits you?

02:01:34.000 I mean, you know, like the whole big thing was when people was like, oh, COVID ain't real. 0.99

02:01:40.000 Then that shit hit us and we like, oh, we didn't know what to do. 0.97

02:01:43.000 You know, people had, we had never experienced anything like this. 0.99

02:01:48.000 I mean, you know, we have been through a pandemic, but not this generation of people. 1.00

02:01:53.000 So we lost our fucking minds. 1.00

02:01:56.000 We definitely lost our fucking minds. 1.00

02:01:57.000 Yeah, we didn't even know how to be in the house with each other. 0.99

02:02:00.000 You know what's weird?

02:02:01.000 It was just a couple of years ago.

02:02:03.000 Yeah.

02:02:03.000 But it seems so long ago.

02:02:05.000 Like, imagine the idea now being locked in your house and all stores being closed. 0.92

02:02:09.000 That seems ridiculous. 0.83

02:02:11.000 It do. 0.65

02:02:11.000 But back then, it's like we had all adapted quickly. 0.65

02:02:15.000 That was what bothered me.

02:02:17.000 We were scared.

02:02:18.000 That's what bothered me.

02:02:19.000 It bothered me that everybody quickly started listening to the government and all those businesses shut down because of it.

02:02:24.000 All those people lost their businesses.

02:02:26.000 They weren't allowed to be open.

02:02:27.000 Even if they had COVID and got over it, it didn't matter.

02:02:30.000 Can't have a business open.

02:02:31.000 Too dangerous.

02:02:32.000 And they just let the economy crumble.

02:02:34.000 They just let 70% of all Los Angeles restaurants just went away forever.

02:02:39.000 That's a giant number of restaurants.

02:02:41.000 Small businesses, mom-and-pop stores couldn't keep it open.

02:02:45.000 We're just barely getting by as it was. 0.99

02:02:48.000 Joe, I think a lot of people took that money and got the fuck on. 0.99

02:02:51.000 It was their way out. 0.99

02:02:52.000 Because the government gave a lot of money away.

02:02:54.000 Did they?

02:02:55.000 How much did they give away?

02:02:56.000 They gave a lot of money away.

02:02:57.000 I know a lot of people have fake businesses.

02:02:59.000 That's why they're locking them up now.

02:03:01.000 Yeah, that's true.

02:03:02.000 And it was like they opened up the bank and said, take all you want. 1.00

02:03:06.000 We want you to survive, but we're going to lock your ass up if you're lying. 0.98

02:03:09.000 What is that lawsuit that I see that's going on right now, the criminal trial with the dude from the Fugees? 0.98

02:03:15.000 What is that?

02:03:17.000 Do you know that story?

02:03:18.000 He was an FBI snitch.

02:03:20.000 What?

02:03:22.000 I think he's a double agent or something.

02:03:23.000 What?

02:03:24.000 Because apparently Tupac said back in the day he knew he was an FBI or something like that.

02:03:27.000 Tupac said he was FBI back in the day?

02:03:30.000 Nobody listened to Tupac.

02:03:31.000 Tupac's mother was a Black Panther. 0.65

02:03:33.000 Maybe they should have listened.

02:03:34.000 They should have.

02:03:34.000 So he came out, he was really an FBI agent, right?

02:03:37.000 That's crazy.

02:03:41.000 Was he really an FBI agent?

02:03:44.000 Fuji Rapper.

02:03:45.000 Fuji Rapper Pross testifies he met and shared information with the FBI voluntarily.

02:03:51.000 On who?

02:03:53.000 So Jeff Sessions' testimony was not exciting.

02:03:56.000 The defense basically had him describe an official legal process for considering extraditing Guao at China's request.

02:04:04.000 The apparent idea was to suggest that there was nothing so bad in Pross and company trying to have Guao sent back to China.

02:04:12.000 Pross is testifying in his own defense.

02:04:14.000 Told the judge, after consulting with my attorneys and the universe, I decided that I will testify.

02:04:19.000 Oh, he consulted with the universe.

02:04:21.000 I like how people talk like that.

02:04:23.000 He's facing 10 charges, including conspiracy, witness tampering, and failing to register as an agent of China.

02:04:29.000 What? 0.99

02:04:30.000 Who the fuck is Cha? 1.00

02:04:31.000 I mean, Gua. 1.00

02:04:31.000 He's an agent of China. 1.00

02:04:33.000 The black dude? 0.98

02:04:34.000 Yes.

02:04:34.000 That guy was a billionaire he was talking about.

02:04:37.000 Oh, uh, okay.

02:04:38.000 Well, on the stand, Pross addressed his alleged efforts to get the U.S. to extradite Chinese billionaire Gua Wengui.

02:04:46.000 In addition, he denied acting as an agent for China.

02:04:50.000 I took it upon myself to report because I thought the FBI should know, he testified.

02:04:54.000 Before his trial started, the 50-year-old artist told Rolling Stone, what benefit would I get trying to break laws?

02:04:59.000 It's not worth it to me.

02:05:00.000 I'm like a pariah now.

02:05:02.000 I've got friends who won't talk to me because they think there's a satellite in orbit listening to them.

02:05:07.000 To be clear, Pross never testified in the stand that he was an FBI informant.

02:05:11.000 His approach to the FBI to discuss Guo Wengui and three Americans held in China was completely voluntary.

02:05:18.000 If convicted, Pross serves 22 years in prison.

02:05:21.000 What do they think he did?

02:05:23.000 That's what I don't understand.

02:05:24.000 What are they accusing him of?

02:05:29.000 Okay.

02:05:30.000 It says, they allege the veteran Reimer was the middleman for alleged crimes, including a secret lobbying campaign to help Malaysian billionaire Joe Lau put pressure on American justice officials and White House officials when his fraud scheme unraveled and to help the Chinese government secure the return of a dissident who's living inside the U.S. I don't know none of that shit, 0.99

02:05:58.000 man. 1.00

02:05:58.000 I'm not exactly sure what he did. 1.00

02:06:00.000 Me neither.

02:06:00.000 I still don't know what he did.

02:06:01.000 I know.

02:06:02.000 Everybody's like, he's an FBI. Everybody got a side job.

02:06:05.000 But it seems like then he wasn't even informed.

02:06:08.000 He went to the FBI because he felt like they should know that.

02:06:12.000 Which is like, Jesus, you're opening up. 1.00

02:06:14.000 The shit that goes on. 0.99

02:06:15.000 See why I mind my business? 1.00

02:06:16.000 See why I say if it's aliens out there?

02:06:18.000 Hey, if they out there, all I say, when you come to our country, pay your taxes. 0.99

02:06:25.000 I don't think they're paying shit. 0.99

02:06:28.000 Well, I mean, I don't want to pay shit. 0.99

02:06:30.000 If I looked at what I think about aliens, I think they're monitoring us because we're a highly sophisticated society that might blow itself up. 0.98

02:06:38.000 I don't think that's why they're here.

02:06:40.000 Oh, Joe. 0.99

02:06:42.000 Ain't no fucking aliens here. 0.99

02:06:43.000 You don't think so? 0.99

02:06:44.000 Here's a different explanation.

02:06:45.000 Okay.

02:06:45.000 Bringing the Tupac thing I just brought up.

02:06:47.000 Tupac lyrics fueling a conspiracy theory after Fuji's member Pross admits he was an FBI informant.

02:06:53.000 The hip-hop world was shocked when Pross...

02:06:56.000 How do you say his last name?

02:06:57.000 Mikkel or...

02:06:58.000 Michele?

02:06:59.000 Michele.

02:06:59.000 One of the founding members of the legendary group, the Fugees, admitted he was an FBI informant during his federal conspiracy trial in Washington, D.C. Pross is accused of conspiring to make illegal campaign contributions using foreign funds from a Malaysian fugitive,

02:07:15.000 Zhao Lo, who is also wanted for his role in a massive corruption scandal involving billions of dollars.

02:07:22.000 So he got tied up with the wrong people.

02:07:24.000 Yeah, and it says somewhere around here, like the...

02:07:27.000 A cryptic line from a song in 96 is something about what the Fugees were trying to do to him. 1.00

02:07:33.000 Speculating that.

02:07:34.000 Tupac was aware of Pross' involvement with the FBI and that he was exposing him as a snitch.

02:07:40.000 It's like the internet runs wild.

02:07:42.000 Oh, yeah.

02:07:42.000 So that's like open to interpretation.

02:07:46.000 Not a bad side gig if it comes with health care.

02:07:50.000 Side gig working for the FBI? If it comes with health care.

02:07:54.000 They seem to all go to jail anyway.

02:07:56.000 Pretty much.

02:07:57.000 Yeah, those FBI informants, it seems like a lot of those guys wind up going to jail anyway.

02:08:01.000 What is it?

02:08:04.000 When they protect you for the rest of your life.

02:08:05.000 Witness protection?

02:08:06.000 Yeah.

02:08:07.000 That's real fun.

02:08:08.000 Yeah.

02:08:08.000 You gotta live in the middle of nowhere with a fake name.

02:08:12.000 Just stay at home. 1.00

02:08:13.000 Wait to die. 1.00

02:08:13.000 Let me get killed. 1.00

02:08:15.000 I just gotta go to one more club. 0.99

02:08:17.000 There's a little better explanation, maybe?

02:08:19.000 Currently facing up to 22 years in prison for conspiracy witness tampering and the failing to register as an agent of China, Mitchell was first accused of federal crimes December of 2018. Although he would eventually plead not guilty in May of 2019,

02:08:36.000 Michelle was allegedly involved in helping Malaysian business mogul, that's what we already know, embezzle over $4.5 billion from the Malaysian government and use it to fund Barack Obama's 2012 re-election campaign.

02:08:49.000 What?

02:08:50.000 So he stole money, and then when he gave money, he was a big dog to Obama campaign?

02:08:55.000 Yes. 0.99

02:08:55.000 Well, they do shit like that just to protect themselves from future prosecution. 0.99

02:09:00.000 That's what FTX did, that cryptocurrency exchange that went under. 0.99

02:09:04.000 They were the number two donor to the Democratic Party.

02:09:07.000 They were just donating money like crazy.

02:09:08.000 It's like, leave us alone.

02:09:10.000 Where are you from?

02:09:11.000 We're going to give you some money.

02:09:12.000 They're making billions of dollars off these nonsense crypto monies. 1.00

02:09:15.000 Did you invest in that shit? 1.00

02:09:16.000 Very little. 1.00

02:09:17.000 I have some Bitcoin.

02:09:30.000 Wow.

02:09:35.000 Okay, before Michele... 1.00

02:09:36.000 What's Leonardo DiCaprio got to do with anything?

02:09:39.000 ...decided to testify on April 18th.

02:09:41.000 Iconic actor Leonardo DiCaprio was called to stand on April 3rd.

02:09:44.000 Considering he had a previous relationship with both Lowe and Michele, DiCaprio testified that Lowe revealed to him his plans to make donations to the Democratic Party in 2012. That whole donating to political party shit is so slippery. 0.99

02:10:00.000 That shit is so slippery. 1.00

02:10:02.000 What kind of weird deals are you guys making? 1.00

02:10:04.000 You know they're making weird deals. 0.93

02:10:07.000 When small people like me donate, I don't get shit but a sticker. 0.95

02:10:11.000 You get a sticker? 0.97

02:10:14.000 That's all I ever got when I donated to the Democratic Party.

02:10:19.000 They're peddling influence.

02:10:20.000 The first one we said said he didn't say he was an informant, but everything else has said the opposite.

02:10:26.000 Well, informant means he had a conversation with them and he gave them information.

02:10:29.000 He informed them, right?

02:10:30.000 You could technically say he's an FBI informant if he went to them with information.

02:10:34.000 Oh, even if it's voluntary.

02:10:35.000 Yes.

02:10:35.000 Admitting that he was an informant for the FBI, Michelle elaborated that he gave up information about U.S. hostages in China while at the same time being a liaison for China who was working to get a Chinese criminal billionaire extradited back from the U.S. If this sounds like a big ugly mess,

02:10:51.000 it's because it is. 0.99

02:10:52.000 It seems like he just got caught up in some shit where he's probably trying to make some money. 0.95

02:10:58.000 And they thought it would be clean, and we're going to donate money to the Democratic Party, and oh, it was great, working with all these people. 0.99

02:11:04.000 Hey, Leonardo was working with them.

02:11:06.000 Oh, must be fine.

02:11:07.000 And that's one of the ways they get people involved in these very shady deals as they do it with other famous people.

02:11:14.000 Like, hey, he's in there.

02:11:15.000 You should be in there.

02:11:16.000 Oh, okay.

02:11:17.000 I'll have to hang out with Leo.

02:11:19.000 Next thing you know, you're involved in some weird thing that's got you testifying in front of Congress.

02:11:24.000 One thing you can guarantee, Joe Rowan, I'm never coming to an alien party with you. 1.00

02:11:30.000 I love you, but you can have that shit on your own. 1.00

02:11:33.000 No, no, no. 1.00

02:11:34.000 If the aliens come, you're the first person I'm coming to.

02:11:36.000 I'm like, we're going to Atlanta.

02:11:37.000 If they grab me, and I'm like, we're real.

02:11:39.000 Who are we going to tell?

02:11:40.000 I'm like, we're going to go.

02:11:42.000 Found guilty on all ten counts.

02:11:46.000 International fraud trial.

02:11:48.000 That's not good.

02:11:48.000 He was convicted guilty on 10 counts related to what prosecutors called a clandestine foreign intelligence campaign scheme funded by a wealthy Malaysian financier to peddle influence in the United States.

02:12:00.000 See, that's what I'm talking about.

02:12:01.000 They're peddling influence.

02:12:02.000 The week-long trial saw witnesses like Leonardo DiCaprio and former Attorney General Jeff Sessions take the stand and testify under oath.

02:12:10.000 Wow. 1.00

02:12:13.000 He's fucked. 1.00

02:12:15.000 So that Malaysian guy is still at large. 1.00

02:12:18.000 And he was charged as a co-defendant in Michele's case and played a major role in witness testimony and evidence presented to the jury.

02:12:26.000 According to the Justice Department, Laos, I don't know, did you say it low or low?

02:12:31.000 Allegedly misappropriated over $500 million from the Sovereign Wealth Fund, one Malaysian development, Berhad.

02:12:39.000 With wire transfers to shell companies he and others used or owned.

02:12:44.000 Okay. 1.00

02:12:45.000 So, he's fucked, man. 1.00

02:12:47.000 If they made him... 1.00

02:12:49.000 He's going to jail.

02:12:51.000 22 years, I think it says.

02:12:53.000 Oh, my God.

02:12:54.000 22 years.

02:12:55.000 What is he, 50? 1.00

02:12:56.000 Fuck. 1.00

02:12:58.000 He might not make it off that type of food. 1.00

02:12:59.000 I think...

02:13:00.000 How many of those are going on where people aren't getting arrested, though? 0.99

02:13:02.000 Like, how much of that influence-peddling shit is just... 0.98

02:13:06.000 It's been going on from the start. 0.99

02:13:09.000 Forever.

02:13:09.000 This ain't nothing new.

02:13:11.000 I just don't...

02:13:12.000 I'm still confused as to how he's in trouble.

02:13:15.000 Me too.

02:13:16.000 He connected people that were trying to get a billionaire released.

02:13:20.000 He became friends with Trump to try to get a guy released.

02:13:23.000 No, but Obama.

02:13:24.000 Well, he was just giving the money to Obama.

02:13:27.000 He tried to establish a relationship with Steve Bannon and Trump.

02:13:30.000 And Jeff Sessions.

02:13:32.000 Yeah.

02:13:33.000 How weird.

02:13:34.000 Not weird.

02:13:35.000 It's just what goes on with our government.

02:13:37.000 I know, but he's from the Fuji.

02:13:38.000 He's like, bro, aren't you busy?

02:13:40.000 Shouldn't he be touring? 1.00

02:13:41.000 He should have turned that shit into a song. 1.00

02:13:43.000 To get a picture with Obama. 0.99

02:13:46.000 Lau paid Michelle $20 million in 2012 in order to get a picture of himself with Obama, and prosecutors alleged that Michelle funneled over $800,000 of that money to Obama's campaign through a number of straw donors.

02:14:02.000 Whoa! 0.71

02:14:02.000 So he made a deal where this guy gave him $20 million. 0.71

02:14:06.000 He said, I'll get you a picture with Obama.

02:14:07.000 You got to give me $20 million.

02:14:09.000 And he said to Obama, listen, I'll give you $800,000.

02:14:12.000 He didn't say that to Obama.

02:14:13.000 He just made up all these accounts and their money.

02:14:17.000 Yeah, but I mean, they must have had something.

02:14:19.000 He funneled that money through a number of straw donors.

02:14:22.000 That seems to me like that's how they would do it.

02:14:25.000 When somebody donate that type of money, you want to know who it is.

02:14:28.000 It's not like me who give you $20 and say no to the next $20.

02:14:32.000 But they did it through these hidden things.

02:14:34.000 Over $100 million, it says.

02:14:36.000 So he knew what he was doing.

02:14:38.000 Whoa.

02:14:39.000 According to prosecutors, Lowe directed over $100 million to Michelle to help push the government, including Trump, to drop its investigation into Lowe.

02:14:50.000 Prosecutors also say that Michele advocated for the extradition of Chinese dissident Guo Wendui on behalf of the Chinese government.

02:15:01.000 He said he gave him $100 million for a media business he was starting.

02:15:04.000 Can you imagine the Fuji?

02:15:06.000 They ain't had a song in years, but they looking at him like, how is he living like that?

02:15:10.000 Right. 0.98

02:15:10.000 The rest of the group, like, what the fuck is he over there doing? 0.98

02:15:13.000 We ain't had a hit album since 93. I know, right? 0.98

02:15:16.000 Early 2000. How is he living like that?

02:15:19.000 All this time, he got a friend named Lowe who's sending him a million through wire.

02:15:24.000 He ain't telling nobody.

02:15:25.000 He pulling up in new calls, and you're like, I know everybody else in the group like, nigga, what you up to? 1.00

02:15:31.000 What the fuck you doing? 0.99

02:15:32.000 But he didn't tell nobody. 1.00

02:15:34.000 Thank God he didn't.

02:15:35.000 I'm working on international policy.

02:15:36.000 People are like, what?

02:15:38.000 I'm running for Congress.

02:15:39.000 I'm influence peddling.

02:15:41.000 No, he didn't say all that.

02:15:42.000 He said, I got a donor.

02:15:46.000 What a dirty business politics is.

02:15:49.000 The fact that no one's mad at Obama for that.

02:15:52.000 No one's mad at anybody who's getting the Democratic Party getting all that money.

02:15:56.000 They don't have to give it back.

02:15:58.000 No.

02:15:58.000 All the money that got funneled from them, imagine if that got funneled to another person.

02:16:02.000 That person would be in trouble.

02:16:03.000 It would be.

02:16:04.000 Right.

02:16:04.000 But you get funneled to the Democratic Party like, hey, we're helping the good guys.

02:16:08.000 The Republicans do the same thing.

02:16:10.000 Everybody does.

02:16:11.000 The idea that there's two teams fighting against each other, for sure, for temporary control while they all share resources.

02:16:19.000 If you look at the number of congresspeople that are insider trading, it's everyone.

02:16:24.000 It's across the board.

02:16:25.000 It's red and blue.

02:16:26.000 It's like Republican, Democrat.

02:16:28.000 They're all in there.

02:16:29.000 They're all in cahoots.

02:16:30.000 They're all pretending.

02:16:31.000 They're all pretending they're working for us.

02:16:33.000 They hate each other.

02:16:34.000 They play like they hate each other.

02:16:36.000 But yeah, you sneak up over one of their house and there's Mitch McConnell at, what's her girl's name who just left?

02:16:42.000 Nancy Pelosi?

02:16:43.000 Nancy Pelosi House.

02:16:44.000 Getting drunk. 1.00

02:16:45.000 Talking about all the shit they did. 1.00

02:16:48.000 How much you make off an apple? 1.00

02:16:51.000 I'm sorry, your husband got his ass whooped. 0.99

02:16:53.000 They wasn't supposed to go that far. 0.99

02:16:54.000 Did you see that video?

02:16:55.000 Did you watch that video?

02:16:57.000 I did not watch that video.

02:17:00.000 At first, I was like, what is going on?

02:17:02.000 How's this person in the house?

02:17:03.000 What's going on?

02:17:03.000 And then you watch the video and go, oh, that's a legit crazy person with a hammer that was in this dude's house.

02:17:08.000 And he was trying to calm the guy down.

02:17:10.000 And everything was calm until the cops came.

02:17:12.000 And the cops go, give me the hammer. 1.00

02:17:13.000 He goes, nope.

02:17:14.000 And then he just cracks the old dude in the head with a hammer. 0.98

02:17:17.000 Knocks him out cold. 0.69

02:17:18.000 The guy's snoring on the ground. 1.00

02:17:19.000 The cops are like, oh, shit. 0.99

02:17:21.000 And they tackle the guy and get the hammer from him. 1.00

02:17:23.000 He hit him in the fucking head with a hammer. 1.00

02:17:25.000 And that dude's 80 years old. 1.00

02:17:27.000 Yeah, I didn't watch the video. 0.99

02:17:29.000 I didn't even know it was a fucking video. 0.98

02:17:30.000 Yeah, you wanna watch it? 0.99

02:17:33.000 I'll show it to you.

02:17:34.000 You wanna see it? 1.00

02:17:37.000 You ain't shit, Joe. 1.00

02:17:39.000 You actually want to show me an 80-year-old man and get his fucking head cracked open. 1.00

02:17:44.000 I've only watched it five or six times. 0.99

02:17:46.000 I can watch it again.

02:17:47.000 I'm quite sure you have.

02:17:49.000 Tell the truth 50 or 60 times.

02:17:51.000 Well, because there was a lot of people that there was a baseless conspiracy theory that he was having a relationship with this man.

02:17:56.000 That's why the man was in the house.

02:17:58.000 But there's video that shows this man broke into his house.

02:18:01.000 There's video of the man using the hammer to break the back door.

02:18:04.000 So he breaks.

02:18:05.000 He's hitting the hammer.

02:18:06.000 Why wasn't he calling the police then?

02:18:08.000 Yeah, exactly.

02:18:09.000 How does this guy not have better security?

02:18:11.000 I mean, how does it, first of all, how does he not have a gun?

02:18:13.000 How does he not have better security?

02:18:15.000 How does he not hear? 1.00

02:18:15.000 This guy smashed this fucking door open. 1.00

02:18:18.000 Look, he climbs right through after he smashes the window. 1.00

02:18:20.000 So he's in the house.

02:18:22.000 And so he's standing, look, give me the volume.

02:18:25.000 What's going on, man?

02:18:28.000 See, he's holding the hammer while he's talking.

02:18:30.000 Drop the hammer.

02:18:31.000 Um, nope.

02:18:32.000 Hey, hey, hey, hey.

02:18:34.000 What is going on around?

02:18:36.000 Ooh! 0.96

02:18:37.000 Yeah.

02:18:38.000 Ow! 1.00

02:18:39.000 Shit! 1.00

02:18:47.000 Yo. 1.00

02:18:49.000 Rough, right?

02:18:51.000 Oh my god, I've never seen this video!

02:18:54.000 You hear him snoring?

02:19:00.000 Oh my god!

02:19:02.000 Yeah.

02:19:05.000 That's what it sounds like.

02:19:07.000 Have you ever heard someone get knocked out?

02:19:10.000 Not like that!

02:19:11.000 That's what it sounds like when people get knocked out.

02:19:13.000 They start snoring.

02:19:15.000 That's that good sleep.

02:19:22.000 Not in his case. 1.00

02:19:26.000 I bet he has some fucking nightmares. 0.99

02:19:29.000 The way he hit him with that hammer, there was no space for dreams. 1.00

02:19:34.000 That's why he was snoring like that.

02:19:35.000 Went right to the darkest realms of your consciousness.

02:19:38.000 Is he okay?

02:19:38.000 I don't know.

02:19:39.000 I don't know how he could be.

02:19:41.000 When you're that old and you get knocked out that bad, that could potentially have Consequences that will last you for as long as you're alive, for the rest of your life.

02:19:50.000 Who called the police?

02:19:51.000 He did.

02:19:52.000 Yeah, he called the police to say this guy's in his house.

02:19:55.000 And by the time the police got there, him and the guy were like, he's holding onto the hammer while the guy had the hammer as well.

02:20:01.000 But he's also got a drink in his hand.

02:20:03.000 He's having a conversation with this guy.

02:20:05.000 So why did the guy say he broke in the house? 1.00

02:20:08.000 He's a crazy person. 1.00

02:20:09.000 Just a crazy person. 1.00

02:20:10.000 That's like that man who went over to that pizza shop to say Hillary Clinton was... 0.99

02:20:15.000 Pizzagate.

02:20:15.000 Yeah.

02:20:16.000 They had children locked up in the basement. 0.99

02:20:19.000 And went in there and fucked around in that pizza shop. 0.99

02:20:23.000 Didn't he fire off a round? 0.99

02:20:24.000 Yeah.

02:20:25.000 I think he fired off a round.

02:20:26.000 And one of the kids at the basement.

02:20:27.000 Yeah.

02:20:27.000 And there's no basement.

02:20:28.000 No basement?

02:20:29.000 No.

02:20:30.000 There's no basement.

02:20:30.000 Nobody makes kids pieces.

02:20:32.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:20:33.000 What the fuck was wrong with these people? 1.00

02:20:35.000 That's what happened when you listen to all this bullshit. 1.00

02:20:38.000 They get online and they get in these conspiracy forums and they really believe because it's exciting to believe in shit. 1.00

02:20:44.000 Just like it's exciting to believe in aliens, it's exciting to believe that the government's run by lizard people and pedophiles and they're sacrificing children. 1.00

02:20:52.000 Drinking blood. 0.99

02:20:53.000 Basement of a pizza place.

02:20:54.000 They say stars drink blood so they look younger. 0.72

02:20:57.000 See, meanwhile, the Dalai Lama's out there getting people to suck his tongue, and no one's going to visit him.

02:21:02.000 You know, it's weird. 0.72

02:21:03.000 Like, what people decide, like, you're seeing something right in front of your face, and there's barely a blip of outrage, and then it goes away. 0.99

02:21:10.000 Boy, they know not to fuck with them monks. 1.00

02:21:12.000 I guess. 1.00

02:21:13.000 They would get their ass beat in Balfour style. 1.00

02:21:16.000 You think so? 1.00

02:21:17.000 They don't want no shoes, right?

02:21:19.000 Yeah, they wear like these little tiny shoes sometimes.

02:21:22.000 But the majority of the time, they're bad for it, right?

02:21:23.000 Little kung fu slippers. 1.00

02:21:24.000 Yeah, but they take them shoes off and whoop them white people's ass coming right now and I'm talking about why he suck a tongue. 1.00

02:21:29.000 You know my fucking business. 1.00

02:21:34.000 Oh, Miss Pat. 1.00

02:21:35.000 I miss you.

02:21:36.000 I miss you too, Joe.

02:21:37.000 It's so good to have you around again.

02:21:39.000 It's so good.

02:21:39.000 We're going to have some fun tonight too.

02:21:41.000 I can't wait to show you the club.

02:21:42.000 You're going to love it.

02:21:43.000 I can't wait to come.

02:21:44.000 I've been hearing nothing but great things.

02:21:45.000 Oh, you're going to love it.

02:21:46.000 They're going to love you, too.

02:21:47.000 They're real comedy fans.

02:21:48.000 They're the best.

02:21:49.000 It's been so much fun.

02:21:50.000 I get a lot of your fans come out to the show.

02:21:52.000 I can tell them.

02:21:53.000 They all fit and must, and they drink water, and they're bald-headed.

02:21:57.000 I'll be like, you hear from Joe Rogan at you?

02:21:59.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:21:59.000 I can tell Burt fans, they all fat and hairy. 0.99

02:22:02.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:22:06.000 All Tom Segura people, they come there on a diet now because Tom looking all good and shit. 0.99

02:22:11.000 Tom looks good! 0.99

02:22:12.000 Tom looks so good! 0.99

02:22:13.000 He looks so fucking good. 0.96

02:22:14.000 It's amazing. 0.90

02:22:15.000 I'm so proud of him. 0.98

02:22:16.000 I'm like, damn, Tom, you gonna turn back the hands of time, ain't you? 0.99

02:22:18.000 When I met Tom, Tom was like this struggling comedian who lived in a terrible neighborhood, like lived in... 0.99

02:22:24.000 This real shitty apartment, and they had no money.

02:22:27.000 And to see him now, handsome, fit Tom, ballin' out of control, it's amazing. 0.96

02:22:33.000 It's so beautiful to see.

02:22:35.000 He comes by the club all the time.

02:22:36.000 He lives here now.

02:22:37.000 I know he do.

02:22:38.000 Have you visited them?

02:22:39.000 Have you done their show over here?

02:22:39.000 No, I haven't.

02:22:40.000 I haven't.

02:22:40.000 They got a great studio.

02:22:42.000 It's nice.

02:22:42.000 I know.

02:22:42.000 They had a nice one when they was in L.A., when they bought that big old beautiful house.

02:22:47.000 Because when I first met them, you know, I think they...

02:22:50.000 Did they have a baby?

02:22:52.000 I don't even know if she had a baby yet. 0.97

02:22:54.000 But they was in their little basement.

02:22:55.000 She was pregnant.

02:22:56.000 They was in their little basement apartment.

02:22:57.000 And to see them now, I was like, ooh, give me hope.

02:23:00.000 Yeah, they love it out here, too.

02:23:02.000 They love it out here.

02:23:03.000 I bet you they do.

02:23:05.000 You can get so much more for your money.

02:23:07.000 And there's no state taxes, and people are friendlier.

02:23:09.000 There's so many pluses.

02:23:11.000 The people-friendlier thing is big.

02:23:13.000 It's big for me.

02:23:14.000 Not fake.

02:23:15.000 No.

02:23:16.000 They're just genuinely friendly people.

02:23:19.000 And they're not Hollywood.

02:23:20.000 There's nothing, there's no influence of Hollywood out here.

02:23:22.000 It's like all just Texas folks.

02:23:23.000 Just good old Texas folk like to eat.

02:23:26.000 I love it.

02:23:26.000 Good music, nice people.

02:23:28.000 I've never been in a place I like more.

02:23:30.000 Really?

02:23:30.000 Yep.

02:23:31.000 That's how I feel about my home in Atlanta.

02:23:33.000 That's beautiful.

02:23:34.000 You know, we speak, you know, we have all issues, but it's fun.

02:23:38.000 Yeah, you're perfect for Atlanta.

02:23:39.000 You're perfect for a radio show in Atlanta.

02:23:41.000 They just gotta let you swear.

02:23:43.000 Come on, XM. Joe Rogan said I need an XM show.

02:23:45.000 Yeah, XM. Come on.

02:23:47.000 Get it together.

02:23:48.000 You do. 1.00

02:23:50.000 Let's put in the universe, since you got stalls in your fucking ceiling, HGTV show first. 1.00

02:23:56.000 That's what I really want to do. 0.99

02:23:57.000 Yeah, you really want to do a home improvement show.

02:24:00.000 I think that would be a great show.

02:24:02.000 Hey, with real language, feeling, stop lying, telling people it costs you $50,000 to knock down a wall. 0.99

02:24:08.000 Look, we're going to knock down this fucking wall with a hammer and a nail. 0.99

02:24:10.000 Let's get to work. 1.00

02:24:11.000 You tag down, I'll help you put it back.

02:24:13.000 Listen, I think that would be a big show.

02:24:15.000 It would be.

02:24:16.000 It'd be great.

02:24:17.000 It's a perfect vehicle for you, too, because you actually love that stuff.

02:24:20.000 Yes, I do. 0.99

02:24:21.000 You're a fucking general contractor. 1.00

02:24:23.000 I am. 1.00

02:24:24.000 I am.

02:24:25.000 My house is up.

02:24:26.000 Show Joe my house before we go.

02:24:28.000 Can you go to my Instagram?

02:24:29.000 It's called the Miss Pat Project.

02:24:31.000 Nice.

02:24:32.000 You can see it. 1.00

02:24:32.000 And I'm proud because my husband thought I was a fucking fool when I hired an architect. 1.00

02:24:36.000 He's like, Pat, hire a general contractor. 0.99

02:24:37.000 I said, nope.

02:24:38.000 I'm going to say, I don't want to give him 20% of my money.

02:24:41.000 I hear you.

02:24:42.000 You could do it.

02:24:43.000 If you could do it, then you did it. 0.99

02:24:44.000 It was hard because I had no idea what the fucking elevation certificate was. 0.97

02:24:50.000 I had no idea you had to get dirt samples before you can build on land. 0.96

02:24:54.000 And I was like, what are you testing for?

02:24:56.000 So the guy come over and stick this thing down in the ground, pull out dirt.

02:24:59.000 You good? 1.00

02:24:59.000 I paid you $500 for that shit? 1.00

02:25:02.000 Here we go. 1.00

02:25:05.000 That's the doghouse! 0.99

02:25:08.000 That's the doghouse?

02:25:10.000 That's insane!

02:25:11.000 Those dogs are living large!

02:25:13.000 Look at that doghouse! 0.76

02:25:14.000 That's the best doghouse I've ever seen!

02:25:16.000 That's incredible!

02:25:21.000 Look how peaceful your yard looks! 1.00

02:25:25.000 That doghouse is fucking radical! 1.00

02:25:30.000 That's some shit. 1.00

02:25:31.000 It's got four kilnals. 1.00

02:25:33.000 It has a washing machine.

02:25:34.000 It has two doors, a front and back door.

02:25:37.000 And it has...

02:25:38.000 I can't wait to show y'all what we did on the inside, or what I did on the inside.

02:25:42.000 Miss Pat, we're going to talk when those dogs get big. 0.93

02:25:44.000 And you're going to be like, Joe Rogan, you warned me.

02:25:47.000 Oh, Joe.

02:25:48.000 I'm getting them training now. 0.98

02:25:49.000 It's so fucking expensive. 0.94

02:25:50.000 Somebody has to be on them all the time. 0.98

02:25:52.000 It's like you got three alphas living with you.

02:25:54.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:25:55.000 They want to run shit. 1.00

02:25:57.000 And that's what they're teaching us. 1.00

02:25:58.000 That's what they're teaching us. 1.00

02:25:59.000 Yeah, they want to run shit. 1.00

02:26:00.000 You've got to impose discipline on them. 1.00

02:26:02.000 I have a golden retriever.

02:26:04.000 You don't have to do nothing to that dog.

02:26:06.000 That dog just wants to be your friend.

02:26:07.000 You don't have to ever worry about him being aggressive.

02:26:10.000 He's just a sweetheart to everybody.

02:26:12.000 Anyone who comes over to the house.

02:26:14.000 If you came over to the house, it was like he's known you his whole life and he hasn't seen you in a year.

02:26:17.000 You'd be like...

02:26:19.000 He starts wagging his tail and circling you.

02:26:22.000 He's so happy.

02:26:23.000 I don't have to worry about him.

02:26:24.000 I love this dog.

02:26:25.000 But that's what I love about him.

02:26:27.000 Because I've had dogs in the past.

02:26:29.000 I had a bunch of pit bulls. 1.00

02:26:31.000 I had a Mastiff.

02:26:33.000 The pit bulls were the most sketchy. 0.99

02:26:35.000 Because there was certain things, you couldn't fuck with them. 0.99

02:26:40.000 You couldn't in any way test them. 0.99

02:26:43.000 If someone came over the house, they had to walk up to that person, make sure they're cool, they had to check you out, sniff you.

02:26:50.000 Okay, you're cool.

02:26:52.000 But they're not just instantly accepting you.

02:26:55.000 Whereas my dog just accepts everybody.

02:26:57.000 He's not a guard dog at all.

02:26:58.000 But those carne corsos, they're gonna test people.

02:27:02.000 Especially if they don't get exercise.

02:27:04.000 Well, we do.

02:27:06.000 They're in training now.

02:27:07.000 That's why I built the dog house. 1.00

02:27:09.000 So they don't need my fucking house. 1.00

02:27:10.000 Each kiln is divided. 1.00

02:27:12.000 And then they'll be able to run in a yard.

02:27:13.000 So I have somebody to come over and give them a bath and stuff like that.

02:27:17.000 You know, you can set up for them.

02:27:18.000 Set up like an obstacle course for them. 1.00

02:27:20.000 Dogs love shit like that. 0.99

02:27:22.000 Things that they can climb on and do things to. 1.00

02:27:24.000 Those are like thinking, working dogs.

02:27:27.000 Like, they need activities.

02:27:28.000 I was thinking about putting them on a little playground back.

02:27:30.000 Yeah.

02:27:31.000 The doghouse you just saw, that's going to be gated in, too, and so is the kennel.

02:27:36.000 Nice.

02:27:36.000 So they're not just going to be able to run free.

02:27:38.000 Yeah.

02:27:39.000 Well, let them run free sometimes.

02:27:40.000 I mean, they got all the yard there. 1.00

02:27:42.000 They're not going to come in my fucking house. 0.99

02:27:43.000 Do you have anything out there, like wild pigs or anything in that area? 1.00

02:27:47.000 No, but we got a lot of shit back there by the lake. 0.98

02:27:50.000 Snakes and coyotes and wild turkeys. 1.00

02:27:54.000 Guarantee you they're going to start killing shit. 1.00

02:27:57.000 As soon as they can get bigger. 1.00

02:27:59.000 How many acres you have?

02:28:01.000 Seven.

02:28:01.000 That's a lot of room to kill things.

02:28:04.000 Well, as long as I don't bring that shit back to the house. 1.00

02:28:06.000 My dog just killed a turtle. 1.00

02:28:07.000 Really?

02:28:08.000 He came in the house with blood all over his face.

02:28:11.000 We thought something happened to him.

02:28:12.000 We went outside and he had taken a turtle apart. 1.00

02:28:17.000 He's a fucking golden retriever. 0.99

02:28:19.000 Sweetest dog in the world. 1.00

02:28:20.000 Tore a turtle apart.

02:28:21.000 Opened it up.

02:28:22.000 Got in it.

02:28:24.000 Got cuts all over his face.

02:28:25.000 He's clawing at the turtles trying to fight for its life.

02:28:28.000 Well, hopefully, you know, the trainer we hired is going to help us keep him in control. 1.00

02:28:33.000 I don't fuck with him because one of them is crazy. 1.00

02:28:35.000 Zeus is crazy. 1.00

02:28:36.000 And they like to jump up on you. 0.99

02:28:38.000 And they like to play with you, but they're so fucking heavy. 1.00

02:28:42.000 And like, get the fuck off of me. 1.00

02:28:44.000 And they love my husband. 1.00

02:28:45.000 They just rattle around him like he's the king.

02:28:48.000 Yeah, he's the alpha.

02:28:49.000 And they look at me like, who are you? 1.00

02:28:52.000 I'm like, excuse me, I just bought you dog food, bitch. 1.00

02:28:54.000 Do they listen? 1.00

02:28:55.000 You got to get them to listen to you.

02:28:56.000 They do.

02:28:56.000 Because they're in training.

02:28:57.000 They do.

02:28:58.000 But one of them sleep on his back.

02:29:00.000 And he whines.

02:29:01.000 He sleeps on his back like that?

02:29:02.000 On his back. 1.00

02:29:03.000 That's the weirdest shit I've ever seen. 1.00

02:29:05.000 Just nutsack dick hanging out. 1.00

02:29:07.000 I'm like, I got kids, dude. 1.00

02:29:09.000 You sleeping with your dick outside your shell? 1.00

02:29:11.000 My dog does that the moment he sees people. 1.00

02:29:14.000 Really?

02:29:14.000 Yeah, he wants to pet my belly.

02:29:16.000 Pet my belly.

02:29:17.000 He just lies on his back.

02:29:18.000 But one of them sleep on his back.

02:29:20.000 They don't like being in the cages because they're getting so big.

02:29:23.000 Of course, yeah.

02:29:23.000 But we'll be moved in the house soon.

02:29:26.000 That's nice.

02:29:26.000 When do you think you'd be done with all that?

02:29:28.000 By August.

02:29:30.000 The installation is going up.

02:29:31.000 It went up today.

02:29:33.000 That's exciting.

02:29:34.000 It is.

02:29:34.000 How long was the project from beginning to end?

02:29:36.000 I started, it's almost, it's a little over a year.

02:29:39.000 This is the first time you've ever done something like this, right?

02:29:41.000 This big.

02:29:42.000 I've remodeled my homes many times.

02:29:43.000 But you never built something from the I never tore a house down.

02:29:46.000 I didn't know anything about an elevation certificate like I told you.

02:29:49.000 All the stuff that the county took me through.

02:29:52.000 I remember right after the pandemic, I did the first floor and the guy charged me $20,000 more. 1.00

02:29:58.000 And I said, fuck you. 1.00

02:30:00.000 I know and I'm getting ripped off. 1.00

02:30:01.000 And I said, I stopped the project.

02:30:03.000 And I remember just saying, Lord, I need you to send me somebody. 0.98

02:30:06.000 Just can tell me how to fucking buy this flow. 0.97

02:30:09.000 Because this is not what I budget for. 0.98

02:30:11.000 And I called a lady by some doors. 0.96

02:30:13.000 A little white girl.

02:30:14.000 Her name is Allie.

02:30:15.000 Barnett and Cheevers.

02:30:17.000 It's a llama yard where I live at.

02:30:21.000 Out by Peachtree City.

02:30:23.000 And I called this llama yard.

02:30:25.000 And I'm talking to this lady. 0.74

02:30:26.000 I give her my email address.

02:30:27.000 I said, I'm going to send my husband up there.

02:30:29.000 My husband FaceTimed me.

02:30:30.000 She started trembling. 0.99

02:30:32.000 I'm like, what the fuck is wrong with her? 0.99

02:30:33.000 And so my husband's like, I think she knows you. 0.99

02:30:35.000 I said, I'm too far out for somebody to know who I am. 0.90

02:30:39.000 And she fucking heard me, I think on your podcast, and she bought my book.

02:30:44.000 And she knew exactly who I was, and she jumped right in, Joe, and helped me with my project. 0.98

02:30:49.000 Oh, that's beautiful.

02:30:50.000 Yeah, so we're like best friends.

02:30:52.000 We're going to the...

02:30:53.000 I take it anyway.

02:30:55.000 I was like, come go to Beyoncé concert with me, Ali.

02:30:58.000 Yeah.

02:30:59.000 Oh, that's beautiful.

02:31:00.000 Bernice and Cheese, that's the name of her daddy, Lumberyard. 0.98

02:31:02.000 And she was like, I can get you this flow for way cheapo. 0.99

02:31:06.000 She helped me with the Lumber.

02:31:08.000 I learned so much from this young girl because her daddy owned a Lumberyard.

02:31:11.000 But she protected me because I knew I was getting ripped off from there. 0.99

02:31:16.000 And I was like, I'm not spending this kind of money for this fucking house. 0.99

02:31:19.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:31:20.000 And so now I've ordered Wonders.

02:31:22.000 I had ordered Wonders from a big department store.

02:31:27.000 You know, it's only two Lowe's at Home Depot.

02:31:29.000 I won't say which one because I love the store. 0.99

02:31:31.000 And I fought like a motherfucker to get my money back. 1.00

02:31:33.000 They fucked my Wonders up. 1.00

02:31:35.000 Oh, really? 0.97

02:31:36.000 Yes.

02:31:37.000 Did they install them?

02:31:38.000 No, I had ordered them and the person kept ordering them wrong.

02:31:41.000 80 grand I spent.

02:31:43.000 And I finally got my money back from them.

02:31:46.000 Yeah.

02:31:48.000 Well, you know, you're going to learn things, too, in a project like that.

02:31:51.000 Then I got to tell you this before we go.

02:31:53.000 So my air-conditioned man came in and put my air-conditions in and ran off with my air-conditioned.

02:31:58.000 What?

02:31:58.000 He stole your air-conditioning?

02:32:00.000 Stole off a fucking unit. 1.00

02:32:01.000 But one text message, I took it. 1.00

02:32:04.000 They told me I could issue the one because he said, give me $40,000 and I'll be there with your air-conditioned unit.

02:32:09.000 Never showed up with the air-conditioned unit.

02:32:11.000 I was able to take him to court.

02:32:12.000 The judge gave my air-conditioned back. 0.99

02:32:14.000 The man went and put a damn lien on my million-dollar house. 0.98

02:32:17.000 Now I gotta go to court. 1.00

02:32:18.000 Now he's suing me.

02:32:19.000 What? 1.00

02:32:20.000 It's a bullshit. 1.00

02:32:22.000 So just little shit like that you learn along the way. 1.00

02:32:25.000 You know, I've had a few bumps, but there was only two bumps so far. 0.99

02:32:30.000 Well, it's an amazing accomplishment.

02:32:32.000 And when you're in that house, you're going to really appreciate it.

02:32:35.000 I do appreciate it.

02:32:37.000 It's an amazing thing.

02:32:38.000 What I said is really true.

02:32:39.000 Like, you're very inspirational.

02:32:41.000 What you've done is very amazing.

02:32:42.000 You've got an incredible accomplishment.

02:32:44.000 And coming from your beginnings to where you are now, you should be proud.

02:32:48.000 I am.

02:32:49.000 And I built a whole house by myself with TikTok.

02:32:53.000 That's amazing.

02:32:54.000 Well, Miss Pat, I love you to death.

02:32:56.000 Is there anything else you want to tell people about?

02:32:57.000 You got anything coming up?

02:32:58.000 Oh yeah, I have my first theater tour, like I said earlier.

02:33:02.000 Your girl done made it. 0.97

02:33:02.000 Go to misspatcomedy.com to check it out. 0.97

02:33:05.000 Get tickets.

02:33:06.000 Hey, I'm coming everywhere.

02:33:08.000 And third season of the Miss Pat Show is streaming now on BET Plus, y'all.

02:33:12.000 And just, hey, become a crack baby on Facebook.

02:33:15.000 Get in there, kids. 0.75

02:33:16.000 Congratulations on everything.

02:33:18.000 And we're going to have fun tonight.

02:33:20.000 We're going to have fun tonight.

02:33:21.000 I'm excited.

02:33:21.000 I'm going to go put on a new wig.

02:33:23.000 I'm coming out to the mothership.

02:33:24.000 All right.

02:33:25.000 Bye, everybody.

The Joe Rogan Experience - April 28, 2023

Joe Rogan Experience #1978 - Ms Pat

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