The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #1983 - Kim Congdon & Sara Weinshenk

00:00:01.000 Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out!

00:00:04.000 The Joe Rogan Experience.

00:00:06.000 Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day.

00:00:12.000 Hey, we're rolling.

00:00:13.000 Hi, ladies. 1.00

00:00:13.000 Hi! 1.00

00:00:14.000 What's happening?

00:00:15.000 What's up?

00:00:15.000 Good to see you.

00:00:17.000 Class of zero, what number were you guys of Tony, Kill Tony?

00:00:22.000 You guys are class of one.

00:00:23.000 Class of zero, one.

00:00:24.000 We were OGs, yeah.

00:00:25.000 Yeah, the real OGs.

00:00:26.000 Yeah.

00:00:27.000 Isn't it wild to see what it's become now?

00:00:29.000 I mean, it's literally like the number one live comedy show ever.

00:00:33.000 It's insane.

00:00:34.000 It's insane.

00:00:35.000 We started so long ago.

00:00:36.000 That's where we met, her and I. Yeah, we met.

00:00:39.000 We've been working together since.

00:00:40.000 Besties.

00:00:40.000 Yeah, so.

00:00:41.000 I've said it before, but I'll say it again.

00:00:43.000 Tony's the greatest host of any comedy show ever.

00:00:45.000 I know.

00:00:46.000 He's the best.

00:00:46.000 He does really good.

00:00:47.000 Nobody's better off the cuff.

00:00:49.000 I know.

00:00:49.000 Off the cuff.

00:00:50.000 Amazing.

00:00:50.000 He's so fast.

00:00:51.000 He's so quick.

00:00:52.000 And, you know, we owe a lot to him, I feel like, because he really helped us get our start.

00:00:58.000 We learned a lot from being on that show.

00:00:59.000 Well, yeah.

00:01:00.000 Being on Kill Tony when we started, we were like...

00:01:03.000 Babies.

00:01:03.000 That's where we met you.

00:01:04.000 That's where we met...

00:01:05.000 I opened for Ralphie Mae because of that.

00:01:07.000 I think Bobby Lee...

00:01:09.000 Well, yeah, you opened up for me, too, in Florida.

00:01:12.000 When that started, I remember thinking, what a fun thing he's doing.

00:01:17.000 You know, it's kind of fun.

00:01:17.000 You just go do a minute of stand-up.

00:01:20.000 And it's a nice way for comics to get a chance to, like, sort of think about comedy, too.

00:01:25.000 Yeah.

00:01:26.000 Because, like, why is this guy funny?

00:01:28.000 Like, what is this?

00:01:29.000 Like, sometimes people are just funny, and it's, like, weird.

00:01:32.000 Like, weird manner, like Theo Vaughn, right?

00:01:34.000 Try putting that down.

00:01:35.000 So funny.

00:01:35.000 Put that down on paper.

00:01:36.000 You can't.

00:01:37.000 Imagine.

00:01:37.000 You could never.

00:01:38.000 My cousin got bit by a gay guy. 0.99

00:01:41.000 So, we'll see. 0.99

00:01:43.000 Like, write that down.

00:01:45.000 It's true.

00:01:45.000 Like, if somebody wrote jokes for you, you hired them, like, I'm a really good performer, but I suck at writing jokes.

00:01:50.000 Yeah.

00:01:50.000 You write some jokes for me, like, bro, I got you.

00:01:52.000 Theo Vaughn is like how Trader Joe's makes snacks.

00:01:56.000 How does Trader Joe's work?

00:01:58.000 I don't know.

00:01:58.000 It's like popcorn, but it's also like a chicken salad.

00:02:03.000 You're like, what?

00:02:04.000 But it works.

00:02:05.000 And you're like, I love this.

00:02:07.000 That's hilarious.

00:02:08.000 I didn't know about Trader Joe's snacks.

00:02:10.000 Trader Joe's, they say that the food at Trader Joe's seems like Trader Joe's was made by an alien who didn't really fully understand grocery stores.

00:02:18.000 Oh.

00:02:18.000 All the food is like really weird.

00:02:20.000 It's just like weird combinations.

00:02:22.000 Yeah, no, they have like this.

00:02:24.000 It's like sweet, sour, salty, something popcorn.

00:02:27.000 It's four different experiences.

00:02:29.000 They gotta get it streamlined.

00:02:30.000 It's made by ChapGPT, for sure.

00:02:33.000 Either savory or sweet.

00:02:35.000 Don't mix it all up like that.

00:02:36.000 Yeah, what are you trying to do to people?

00:02:38.000 TJ's.

00:02:39.000 Yeah.

00:02:39.000 I try to eat healthy for the most part, but when we were in New York this past weekend, we went to the Bronx.

00:02:44.000 I saw that sandwich.

00:02:45.000 Oh my god.

00:02:47.000 We ate this place G&R Deli. 1.00

00:02:49.000 Holy shit. 1.00

00:02:50.000 It was insane. 1.00

00:02:51.000 I saw that sandwich.

00:02:52.000 I sent that sandwich to my mom and she called me.

00:02:54.000 She said, the sandwich that Joe Rogan just ate looked amazing.

00:02:59.000 We gotta go.

00:03:01.000 We drove to the Bronx just to go to that place.

00:03:04.000 We went like an hour out of our way because we were staying in Manhattan and then we had to drive to the Bronx and then go from the Bronx to the fights that were in Newark.

00:03:13.000 So we went like, just to go to that sandwich shop.

00:03:17.000 Just because I saw it on Instagram.

00:03:19.000 Yeah, the picture was one of the best I've ever seen.

00:03:21.000 It was pretty amazing.

00:03:23.000 I got a spill here, young Jamie.

00:03:25.000 I got it, I got it.

00:03:27.000 He's quick.

00:03:28.000 Anyway.

00:03:29.000 Yeah, I love to take a...

00:03:31.000 I'll take a detour for food.

00:03:32.000 I did something really fat the other day.

00:03:34.000 Tell us.

00:03:35.000 You did something fat?

00:03:36.000 Can we say fat?

00:03:37.000 Yeah, you can.

00:03:38.000 She means pH fat.

00:03:40.000 Uh-oh.

00:03:41.000 Sounds like we're in trouble.

00:03:44.000 Did you see that guy got in trouble for just saying something be Lizzo-sized?

00:03:49.000 No!

00:03:49.000 Yeah.

00:03:50.000 Didn't that happen, Jamie?

00:03:51.000 Didn't some sportscaster get in trouble?

00:03:59.000 I've never made one of those.

00:04:01.000 Every now and then you look like a hero.

00:04:05.000 It's funny when you miss.

00:04:07.000 Well, it's different because you can't say Kobe now.

00:04:09.000 It just makes everyone sad and that changes the shot.

00:04:12.000 When I grew up in Boston, everybody would say Larry Bird.

00:04:15.000 Really?

00:04:16.000 That's such a longer name to say. 0.99

00:04:19.000 Yeah, but it was like Larry Bird was the fucking man in 1980. Right. 0.99

00:04:24.000 Look at that. 0.99

00:04:25.000 Get the fuck out of here. 1.00

00:04:26.000 That's sickening. 1.00

00:04:27.000 It's so good. 0.97

00:04:27.000 Totally not good for you. 0.97

00:04:29.000 Let's just get that out of the way.

00:04:30.000 I'll do it again once a week for the rest of my life.

00:04:33.000 I think it's just one of those things.

00:04:34.000 You really shouldn't eat like that every day because you won't be able to stop.

00:04:38.000 First of all, you'll be a full-on addict and you'll be consuming 40 or 50 times more calories than you actually need.

00:04:44.000 Do you always give yourself a break or do you ever go super strict and go, like, no snacks, nothing good?

00:04:52.000 Yeah, tell us your regimen.

00:04:53.000 No, no, no.

00:04:53.000 There's no super strict.

00:04:55.000 Everything in moderation.

00:04:56.000 Yeah, I did one month.

00:04:57.000 I did the carnivore diet, like, very strict for one month to see what it was like.

00:05:02.000 I lost a lot of fat, but it was boring.

00:05:04.000 I like food.

00:05:05.000 And a lot of meat like that. 0.90

00:05:07.000 I like these people.

00:05:08.000 I like their food, their culture.

00:05:10.000 Yeah, it's an experience.

00:05:12.000 I like food.

00:05:12.000 Yeah, I like Vietnamese food.

00:05:13.000 I like Thai food.

00:05:15.000 I like food.

00:05:16.000 Food's the best.

00:05:17.000 It's almost the best reason to travel.

00:05:20.000 Is to try the different foods.

00:05:21.000 It's a great reason to travel.

00:05:23.000 Travel is awesome, but travel and then eating people's food. 0.97

00:05:27.000 Eating Thai food in Thailand was fucking amazing. 0.93

00:05:31.000 We gotta go. 0.98

00:05:33.000 Thailand's awesome.

00:05:34.000 We wanna go. 0.99

00:05:35.000 You guys should go and do some fucking Muay Thai. 0.99

00:05:37.000 Let's go. 0.99

00:05:37.000 I know. 0.99

00:05:38.000 I know you can get into that. 0.82

00:05:40.000 You're a mean girl. 0.79

00:05:41.000 Oh no, I stopped. 1.00

00:05:42.000 You can fuck a chick up. 1.00

00:05:43.000 I got a concussion and I stopped. 1.00

00:05:45.000 I got scared.

00:05:45.000 She's in her soft girl era.

00:05:46.000 Yeah, that's good.

00:05:47.000 Don't do concussions.

00:05:48.000 No.

00:05:49.000 She's a soft girl now, Joe.

00:05:50.000 Did you see Mark Zuckerberg won a gold medal in a Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu competition?

00:05:55.000 No. 1.00

00:05:55.000 Mark Zuckerberg is a fucking savage. 1.00

00:05:58.000 Can you imagine? 1.00

00:05:58.000 This dude has been training jujitsu. 1.00

00:05:59.000 This is what he did. 0.99

00:06:00.000 He wore a COVID mask and he fucking put a hat on and he hid. 1.00

00:06:04.000 No. 0.99

00:06:05.000 And he used an alias.

00:06:07.000 And then imagine you're right about to compete and like maybe your first competition.

00:06:11.000 Well, just give it a try.

00:06:12.000 I mean, what's the worst thing that could happen?

00:06:13.000 Where's he going to happen to get strangled by a super nerd?

00:06:16.000 Mark Zuckerberg. 0.88

00:06:18.000 So embarrassing.

00:06:20.000 He's awesome.

00:06:20.000 I'm very proud of him.

00:06:21.000 That's wild.

00:06:21.000 I think it's amazing.

00:06:22.000 It's amazing that he did that.

00:06:24.000 A few people have done that.

00:06:25.000 Mario Lopez did that.

00:06:28.000 What's his name?

00:06:28.000 Tom Bain.

00:06:32.000 Tom Hardy.

00:06:33.000 Tom Hardy did that a couple times.

00:06:35.000 Hot?

00:06:36.000 Undeniable.

00:06:37.000 You see him in Warrior? 1.00

00:06:39.000 Hot as fuck. 0.99

00:06:41.000 He could be listening to this, I just realized that. 1.00

00:06:45.000 It's possible.

00:06:45.000 Tom Hardy?

00:06:46.000 I'm not gonna do that, but you know what I mean.

00:06:48.000 Tom Hardy, you can DM me.

00:06:50.000 You got the green light.

00:06:52.000 I said yes.

00:06:53.000 DM me, mommy.

00:06:56.000 He was awesome in Warrior.

00:06:57.000 I bought it.

00:06:58.000 I bought it hook, line, and sinker.

00:07:00.000 There's certain dudes that become different people.

00:07:03.000 He was a different person in that Venom movie.

00:07:05.000 It's like you believed he was that clumsy character in the Venom movie that got infected by an alien.

00:07:11.000 Just to pull that off, you know how hard it is to pull off?

00:07:15.000 You're doing a movie with CGI. There's a CGI alien that comes out of you, a giant spider creature.

00:07:20.000 It's a different place you have to go in your mind at that point.

00:07:23.000 Actually pulled it off.

00:07:24.000 And he does it, yeah.

00:07:25.000 It was good.

00:07:26.000 See, he's got, look at that, gold medal.

00:07:28.000 Wow.

00:07:29.000 Dude's fucking jacked. 1.00

00:07:30.000 Wow. 1.00

00:07:31.000 Strangling fools. 1.00

00:07:32.000 There's a blue belt. 1.00

00:07:33.000 We're both just saying wow in unison.

00:07:34.000 I'm going to tell you something about blue belts, too.

00:07:36.000 That's like, by the time you get to blue belt, you're dealing with people that know how to submit people. 0.77

00:07:41.000 It's just whether or not they can keep it together smoothly.

00:07:42.000 And there's various levels of that.

00:07:45.000 And when you get to tournaments, you get, like, a lot of the levels are like, the guys really should be a purple belt.

00:07:49.000 They're like, they're really purple belt level.

00:07:51.000 Some instructors are stingy.

00:07:54.000 So for him to win blue belt, it's very possible he had real skilled opposition. 1.00

00:07:59.000 Not like black belt opposition, but they know how to do shit. 1.00

00:08:02.000 For sure. 1.00

00:08:04.000 Look at Zuckerberg. 1.00

00:08:05.000 Strangling bitches. 1.00

00:08:06.000 Actually, that's pretty hot. 1.00

00:08:07.000 Zuckerberg, if you're listening.

00:08:10.000 My DMs are open.

00:08:12.000 He knows your DMs are open. 0.99

00:08:14.000 You can just fucking read them. 0.99

00:08:16.000 He's in them. 0.99

00:08:17.000 He doesn't even need the FBI. He already heard us.

00:08:20.000 He already heard us.

00:08:21.000 And this hasn't aired. 1.00

00:08:23.000 Your fucking phone is lighting up. 0.99

00:08:26.000 Every time his name gets mentioned, it goes into a file. 1.00

00:08:30.000 I'm super...

00:08:31.000 I think that's amazing.

00:08:33.000 I love when people just...

00:08:34.000 He doesn't have to do anything.

00:08:36.000 He's one of the richest people on earth.

00:08:37.000 He just takes a chance and tries to get good at this thing and then goes and competes in this thing.

00:08:42.000 We should all celebrate that.

00:08:44.000 That's amazing.

00:08:45.000 But that's probably why he's one of the richest guys on earth because he just goes for it.

00:08:49.000 Commits.

00:08:50.000 He's focused.

00:08:51.000 He's streamlined.

00:08:51.000 You should be like an Instagram motivational speaker.

00:08:53.000 I will.

00:08:54.000 I feel like what you just said right there will stir nations.

00:08:59.000 He just goes for us.

00:09:01.000 He commits.

00:09:02.000 Yeah, that's the thing.

00:09:04.000 You just got to be that kind of person.

00:09:05.000 Some people, that's their big problem. 0.74

00:09:07.000 They don't know what to go for.

00:09:09.000 So they kind of get stalled in the parking lot.

00:09:12.000 Like, which direction?

00:09:13.000 Where do I go?

00:09:14.000 Because they don't have me giving them motivational speeches.

00:09:17.000 You need a little Shanky in your ear. 0.97

00:09:21.000 Okay, I like something besides Shanky in your ear, though. 0.87

00:09:25.000 I like Shanky in your ear.

00:09:27.000 Actually, that's a great name for a podcast.

00:09:30.000 Shanky in your ear?

00:09:31.000 Yeah. 0.81

00:09:32.000 It's good, right?

00:09:33.000 It does make me laugh.

00:09:35.000 It's got a catchy ring to it.

00:09:37.000 Shake it in your ear. 0.99

00:09:38.000 Yeah, if you ever want to do a fucking solo spinoff, and then we got to do the Kim Kopp. 0.99

00:09:42.000 Remember when Kiss did a spinoff? 0.93

00:09:44.000 Yeah.

00:09:45.000 Kiss had like, I don't know if you remember this.

00:09:47.000 Do you remember this?

00:09:48.000 They did a show?

00:09:49.000 No, Kiss.

00:09:50.000 Kiss the band.

00:09:50.000 Yeah, I thought they did a reality show.

00:09:52.000 I'm sure they did that, too.

00:09:53.000 They did.

00:09:53.000 But they all released their own albums.

00:09:55.000 Like, Peter Criss had his solo album.

00:09:57.000 Paul Stanley had his solo album.

00:10:00.000 Gene Simmons had his solo album.

00:10:02.000 Ace Frehley had his solo album.

00:10:04.000 And they all just sort of competed with each other.

00:10:05.000 Do you want us to break up?

00:10:06.000 I'm not saying that.

00:10:07.000 Think about it though.

00:10:09.000 If we have Shanky in your ear. 1.00

00:10:11.000 He's saying Shanky in your ear is Beyonce and I'm Michelle.

00:10:14.000 You do your podcast together and then you get another one on the side.

00:10:18.000 I have Shank.

00:10:19.000 Yeah, she has a podcast.

00:10:20.000 It's called Shank.

00:10:21.000 It's called Shank.

00:10:22.000 Why not Shanky in your ear? 0.53

00:10:23.000 I guess I could rebrand.

00:10:28.000 Actually, Rogan and I had a conversation.

00:10:30.000 The podcast is Shanky in your ear now.

00:10:33.000 Everyone is.

00:10:33.000 People who like it now are mad.

00:10:35.000 Shut up. 1.00

00:10:36.000 Shut up. 1.00

00:10:36.000 That's terrible advice. 1.00

00:10:37.000 It is terrible advice. 0.98

00:10:38.000 Shanky in your ear.

00:10:39.000 It's funny for now. 0.94

00:10:40.000 I need to start my own podcast.

00:10:42.000 Your mom's house, names like that, they just stick.

00:10:45.000 Yeah.

00:10:46.000 You know?

00:10:46.000 Yeah.

00:10:47.000 There's certain good names, like Call Her Daddy.

00:10:50.000 It's a great name.

00:10:50.000 It's so good.

00:10:51.000 We love our name, but it took us a second.

00:10:54.000 We had an issue at first.

00:10:55.000 We had an issue.

00:10:56.000 We had a bad podcast name, and we kept having to say it.

00:10:59.000 And we would get embarrassed.

00:11:00.000 Bad.

00:11:02.000 It was bad.

00:11:03.000 What was it?

00:11:04.000 You say it, Kim.

00:11:08.000 Don't look at me.

00:11:09.000 I'll say it.

00:11:10.000 Don't look at me.

00:11:11.000 I want to take my ears off.

00:11:13.000 Thank you, Kimmy, and Shank.

00:11:16.000 Okay, can we move on?

00:11:18.000 That's not that bad.

00:11:18.000 That's horrible.

00:11:20.000 Jamie, it's not the worst.

00:11:23.000 Jamie, how bad is it? 1.00

00:11:25.000 But now it's this bitch. 1.00

00:11:26.000 You've done a much better job. 1.00

00:11:28.000 But now it's this bitch, and that's so much better. 1.00

00:11:30.000 This bitch is perfect. 1.00

00:11:31.000 Well, that's what we say to each other all the time. 1.00

00:11:33.000 This bitch. 1.00

00:11:33.000 I love saying that. 1.00

00:11:34.000 I love saying this bitch. 1.00

00:11:36.000 This bitch is one of the most fun things to say. 1.00

00:11:37.000 Like, this bitch. 1.00

00:11:39.000 Say it to your friends when they say something nuts. 1.00

00:11:41.000 It is.

00:11:42.000 You know how many times I've said that to Tony Hinchcliffe?

00:11:44.000 We gotta get Joe our tote bag. 0.99

00:11:46.000 We got a this bitch tote bag. 1.00

00:11:47.000 Oh, please get me one. 0.99

00:11:48.000 And a sweatshirt. 0.99

00:11:49.000 We gotta get you a this bitch sweatshirt. 1.00

00:11:51.000 I'll wear that shit. 1.00

00:11:52.000 I will 100% wear that shit. 1.00

00:11:54.000 We say it all the time. 1.00

00:11:56.000 Yeah, it's a great thing to say.

00:11:57.000 It's a great thing to say. 0.99

00:11:59.000 Yeah, and we get it on each other's nerves, so we'll be like, this bitch. 1.00

00:12:02.000 It's kind of amazing, actually, that nobody else had a podcast called This Bitch. 0.99

00:12:05.000 Wow, you guys caught that. 0.91

00:12:08.000 That's a good one to catch.

00:12:09.000 Well, after we had to say Thickey, Kimmy, and Shank four times.

00:12:13.000 It started haunting us like Bloody Mary.

00:12:15.000 We're like talking to people.

00:12:17.000 We were like, we're not doing one more ounce of work until we rename this podcast.

00:12:21.000 And it was bad.

00:12:23.000 We were like talking to sponsors and they're like, okay, so what's the name?

00:12:25.000 I'm like, um.

00:12:27.000 We didn't know exactly what we did here.

00:12:29.000 We were like, uh, you can tell them.

00:12:31.000 There's been so many embarrassing things that we've done throughout the years.

00:12:35.000 Of course.

00:12:35.000 But that's the beautiful thing is that you can learn on the air.

00:12:38.000 Yeah.

00:12:38.000 It gives people a chance to get good at something that wouldn't have got the chance.

00:12:42.000 So if you were going to host a show on CBS or NBC, they'll give you a little bit of time.

00:12:46.000 Like, you know, Sarah's the next big thing.

00:12:48.000 We're going to give her the Sarah Show. 0.71

00:12:50.000 Hi, everybody.

00:12:51.000 Like Ellen, you'd be like Sarah.

00:12:52.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:12:52.000 Whoa.

00:12:53.000 They'll give you a chance.

00:12:54.000 They might give an upcoming talent.

00:12:57.000 But if it doesn't go well at first and they lose sponsors or the ratings dip...

00:13:02.000 Cut! 1.00

00:13:02.000 What else we got? 1.00

00:13:03.000 Oh god, dancing for dollars. 0.99

00:13:04.000 Whatever the fuck they can put on there that's gonna make money. 0.99

00:13:07.000 But with the internet, you can sort of fuck around and find your thing, find your voice. 0.99

00:13:13.000 And it's amazing because the barrier to entry is pretty fucking small in comparison. 0.99

00:13:18.000 They have fucking studios. 0.99

00:13:21.000 Camera trucks and fucking lighting and trust and this and grips and everything. 1.00

00:13:26.000 It's like every show that gets made by Hollywood, it's so much money just to put it on. 0.98

00:13:31.000 But you can just do it and get better at it.

00:13:33.000 It's amazing!

00:13:35.000 It really is.

00:13:36.000 Even during the pandemic, I would just be talking by myself in the room.

00:13:40.000 I'm like, if I was going to have a threesome by myself because we didn't know if we could hang out with people.

00:13:45.000 Well, the good news is Alexa was listening.

00:13:48.000 And your boyfriend, Mark.

00:13:49.000 Oh, yeah.

00:13:50.000 My boyfriend, Mark, hears everything.

00:13:52.000 So you were talking to yourself with him in the same place?

00:13:56.000 I was talking to myself, like, just trying to buy up time on a 45-minute solo pod.

00:14:03.000 Oh.

00:14:04.000 I start talking about cartoon threesomes because I'm straight out of content.

00:14:08.000 I'm like, okay, Betty Boop would.

00:14:11.000 Felix the Cat.

00:14:12.000 I think that's a particularly unique muscle that Bill Burr has and Tim Dillon has and Giannis Pappas has.

00:14:21.000 There's people that can just rant about a subject and find themselves solo.

00:14:27.000 Yeah.

00:14:27.000 That's hard to do.

00:14:28.000 Yeah, no, and you know what?

00:14:29.000 It makes your stand-up so much better, and it makes your podcasting better if you could just talk by yourself. 0.99

00:14:34.000 It makes you feel mentally ill.

00:14:37.000 When you're done, you don't even recognize yourself.

00:14:41.000 Oh my god, that's so funny.

00:14:44.000 It's so funny.

00:14:45.000 Yeah, the pandemic was a moment.

00:14:50.000 Yeah, Kim lived another life. 0.96

00:14:52.000 The Zoom shows?

00:14:52.000 I left.

00:14:53.000 I went to Florida and partied.

00:14:54.000 Zoom shows were wild.

00:14:56.000 They were like, why didn't anybody tell you not to do that?

00:15:00.000 Yeah.

00:15:00.000 Don't do that.

00:15:01.000 Don't do that.

00:15:02.000 No, I didn't do one Zoom show.

00:15:04.000 I did one Zoom show.

00:15:06.000 And I think about it every now and then.

00:15:08.000 It haunts me.

00:15:09.000 I was just like, why are we doing this?

00:15:12.000 It's too much.

00:15:13.000 It's too weird.

00:15:14.000 If we're all stuck, let's not do stand-up then for a little bit.

00:15:16.000 How about that?

00:15:17.000 I thought it was such junkies, though.

00:15:19.000 Yeah.

00:15:19.000 You know what the weirdest thing was?

00:15:21.000 Late night talk shows where they're doing it from their webcam.

00:15:23.000 Oh, and nobody was laughing?

00:15:25.000 No one was laughing.

00:15:26.000 It's so nuts.

00:15:27.000 I was like, why are we watching this?

00:15:29.000 It's like someone practicing new jokes.

00:15:31.000 It's like if you had a friend who wanted to say, hey, want to run some ideas by you?

00:15:34.000 No.

00:15:35.000 I would let them.

00:15:36.000 You wouldn't do that for your friend?

00:15:37.000 If it was my friend.

00:15:38.000 Yeah, a comic friend.

00:15:39.000 Okay, yeah, yeah.

00:15:39.000 They go, listen, this is just an exercise I'm trying to do.

00:15:42.000 I wrote these premises down, and I'm going to say, that was what it was like.

00:15:45.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:15:45.000 It was like, what happens if Walmart closes all their stores in San Francisco?

00:15:53.000 And you'd be like, that one sucks. 0.93

00:15:55.000 We could just go over them. 0.98

00:15:57.000 My apples taste like Clorox.

00:15:59.000 It's like, stop wiping your groceries with bleach. 0.99

00:16:03.000 This is fucking sad. 0.99

00:16:04.000 It was a sad time. 0.99

00:16:05.000 It was a weird time, right?

00:16:06.000 But you know what?

00:16:07.000 I actually really enjoyed...

00:16:10.000 Staying home and just me and my sister started baking and we bought a bow and arrow.

00:16:18.000 And then she almost killed a bird and we never did it again.

00:16:21.000 She just pulled out.

00:16:23.000 She's like a prodigy.

00:16:24.000 She just pulled it out.

00:16:25.000 We just put it together.

00:16:26.000 We're figuring it out.

00:16:27.000 It's going in the ground for me.

00:16:30.000 She shoots it once, almost gets it right in the middle. 1.00

00:16:33.000 She's like, oh, okay.

00:16:34.000 She pulls it out.

00:16:35.000 We see a bird. 1.00

00:16:36.000 As a joke, I go, kill it. 0.99

00:16:37.000 And she goes... 1.00

00:16:38.000 And clips its wing.

00:16:39.000 And a feather flies off and it keeps going.

00:16:42.000 And we both were like, and then we just put it down and we were like, we're going to go inside.

00:16:47.000 Maybe you're like a natural born archer.

00:16:49.000 Maybe this is like a movie.

00:16:51.000 Not either.

00:16:51.000 You just give her the bow and they're like, oh my god.

00:16:54.000 How long have you done this for?

00:16:55.000 Like, that's actually the third time I've ever done it.

00:16:57.000 That's what it looked like.

00:17:00.000 And then they just go, oh my god, she's a natural.

00:17:02.000 It's like Paul Newman in that movie about baseball.

00:17:04.000 She's the rain man of archery.

00:17:06.000 Yes, imagine.

00:17:07.000 Yeah.

00:17:07.000 It's just like, you just have a natural gift.

00:17:09.000 Oh yeah, I don't know if I'm gonna fucking do this. 0.94

00:17:10.000 Like in another life, you were an archer. 0.98

00:17:12.000 Dude, that's so cool.

00:17:14.000 I, during the pandemic, I got a mini trampoline.

00:17:17.000 I was just bouncing at my parents' house in their backyard.

00:17:20.000 Whoa.

00:17:21.000 That's a lot.

00:17:21.000 I was like, I'm gonna livestream on the trampoline.

00:17:24.000 I'm gonna livestream and hula hoop.

00:17:26.000 I'm gonna, just trying to keep myself busy.

00:17:29.000 This is very mentally ill to be livestreaming and hula hooping. 0.81

00:17:32.000 Whew. 0.99

00:17:33.000 It was tough on everyone.

00:17:35.000 It was a tough time.

00:17:37.000 It was tough.

00:17:37.000 I was in the live watching.

00:17:40.000 Tough as a country.

00:17:41.000 There were some moments where I didn't know if I was ever going to do stand-up again.

00:17:45.000 Me too.

00:17:45.000 In the beginning, in the early days, when we hadn't done it for months, I was like, maybe this is it.

00:17:49.000 Maybe this is the new world.

00:17:51.000 Maybe stand-up is gone.

00:17:53.000 Back then, you didn't really know how deadly is this going to be.

00:17:56.000 Yeah.

00:17:57.000 You know, everybody was really worried that it was going to get worse.

00:17:59.000 Yeah.

00:18:00.000 There's a lot of weirdness going on.

00:18:01.000 You know, it's like there was people that had it and nothing happened to them. 0.98

00:18:04.000 People that had it and got fucked up. 0.97

00:18:06.000 And you're like, what is this? 0.99

00:18:08.000 Like, stand-up's not worth it.

00:18:09.000 Let's not do stand-up.

00:18:10.000 Like, I remember I canceled, like, one of the last shows.

00:18:14.000 I think it was, like, the improv.

00:18:16.000 We were supposed to do a show at the improv.

00:18:18.000 Like, the day the comedy store was shutting down, the day everything was shutting down.

00:18:21.000 I was like, maybe we shouldn't do this.

00:18:22.000 If we're gonna shut down tomorrow, why are we open tonight?

00:18:26.000 What's happening?

00:18:27.000 Are we in danger? 1.00

00:18:28.000 If we go out, is this fucking stupid? 1.00

00:18:30.000 There's something about comedy and comics where they fucking need it. 1.00

00:18:36.000 They're like, just one last one before we go. 0.99

00:18:39.000 One last one before we die.

00:18:41.000 I don't know.

00:18:43.000 I don't really feel that way.

00:18:46.000 I love stand-up.

00:18:47.000 It's my favorite thing in the world to do, but I didn't feel like I was like...

00:18:49.000 I did window sets.

00:18:51.000 I did window sets.

00:18:52.000 At the comedy store in the window.

00:18:53.000 Like a little sad dog at a pet shop. 1.00

00:18:55.000 I looked like a whore in the window. 1.00

00:18:56.000 People weren't just throwing money at the window. 0.96

00:18:58.000 It took me a good solid two and a half years to not freak out when someone sneezes.

00:19:04.000 Oh, yeah, I'm still sensitive about it.

00:19:06.000 Now if someone coughs and sneezes, you're like, eh.

00:19:08.000 No, now people still look.

00:19:10.000 If someone coughs, the whole room looks up, and that used to not happen.

00:19:13.000 But it's not the same look up.

00:19:16.000 Like, we're all in danger.

00:19:17.000 Yeah.

00:19:18.000 I was in an elevator with a guy who was coughing in Vegas, in the heart of it.

00:19:22.000 This old dude was coughing, and was like, Jesus Christ.

00:19:25.000 I'm holding my breath on the elevator.

00:19:27.000 It's like an exercise.

00:19:28.000 I'm like, how long can I hold my breath?

00:19:31.000 That's how I used to do school when I was younger.

00:19:35.000 Instead of paying attention, I would just watch the clock and try to beat my last record.

00:19:40.000 During the pandemic, did you see Jamar?

00:19:43.000 Jamar had on like big goggles and he went to the CVS and he got kicked out of the CVS because he had on like snorkeling gear.

00:19:52.000 How come you can't do that?

00:19:54.000 I think you can do that.

00:19:55.000 You know what someone told me?

00:19:56.000 That's so funny.

00:19:58.000 Someone told me that you catch respiratory viruses from your eyeballs.

00:20:02.000 Is that true?

00:20:05.000 I don't know, but you know what someone told me?

00:20:07.000 That their grandpa got stung in the eye by a bee and it cured his diabetes.

00:20:13.000 What?

00:20:14.000 That sounds like some folklore.

00:20:15.000 What are you talking about?

00:20:19.000 Beekeepers live longer than the average person because they get stung.

00:20:23.000 Where did you learn this?

00:20:24.000 And if you have Lyme disease, there's people that take bees and they put it into their backs and it helps all their symptoms.

00:20:30.000 There's something about bee stings.

00:20:32.000 I have heard people getting a positive benefit from bee stings, but I think it was arthritis.

00:20:37.000 Don't come for me, Big Pharma.

00:20:39.000 They cut my throat because they talked about the bees.

00:20:41.000 I keep forgetting that there's a...

00:20:42.000 I'm watching this new Netflix thing called...

00:20:47.000 What is it?

00:20:48.000 Chimp Empire? 1.00

00:20:49.000 Is that what it's called?

00:20:50.000 Yeah, just before I get too far, the viral infection of lungs through the eye.

00:20:53.000 Oh, can you?

00:20:54.000 Yeah.

00:20:54.000 You can.

00:20:55.000 That makes sense.

00:20:56.000 Pathogens that are known agents of ocular infection such as HSV. Wow.

00:21:00.000 What's HSV? Often cause severely impaired vision and blindness.

00:21:04.000 Viral infection of the lungs through the eye. 1.00

00:21:08.000 Holy fuck. 1.00

00:21:09.000 I'm going to start wearing goggles. 1.00

00:21:11.000 So in that case, they should have left Jamar alone because he was doing a smart thing. 1.00

00:21:15.000 He was wearing goggles to avoid fucking evil shit. 1.00

00:21:18.000 And you can keep your eyes covered. 1.00

00:21:20.000 I bet there's some sort of paperwork that says that the people with glasses get less viral infections than other people.

00:21:29.000 My favorite was the people with a shield.

00:21:31.000 But then you could reach under the shield and say, hey buddy.

00:21:34.000 It's like a cat hiding under the bed with her tails out there.

00:21:38.000 What are you doing?

00:21:39.000 My favorite video was just someone going outside with a mask on in the winter and blowing.

00:21:44.000 And it was just all the air you could see with the mask on still going.

00:21:48.000 You could see exactly where a breath would go. 1.00

00:21:50.000 It's so stupid. 1.00

00:21:51.000 And it was just everywhere and muffled. 1.00

00:21:54.000 It's so weird.

00:21:56.000 It's so weird that we went through that for that long.

00:21:58.000 Um, yeah.

00:21:59.000 But we learned along the way.

00:22:00.000 See, like, nobody knew, like, why doesn't a mask work?

00:22:04.000 Like, in the beginning it seems like a smart thing to do, and plus it makes people feel better.

00:22:08.000 Like, you're doing the right thing, we're all just trying to be safe.

00:22:11.000 But at a certain point in time, most people should have figured out that doesn't really work. 0.99

00:22:18.000 Like, you can't have a bandana on and stop a fucking deadly fight. 0.97

00:22:21.000 You can't have a face shield on. 0.99

00:22:23.000 We've had face shields. 1.00

00:22:24.000 Where's that hair coming from, bitch? 1.00

00:22:27.000 Face shield. 1.00

00:22:28.000 You don't even have a filter on your face.

00:22:30.000 The face shield was rough.

00:22:32.000 It was weird.

00:22:33.000 And when I saw someone with a face shield, I didn't know what to make of them. 0.99

00:22:36.000 The first face shield I saw in the wild, I was like, oh shit. 0.98

00:22:40.000 Reggie Watts had this hilarious getup that we ordered a couple of them. 1.00

00:22:45.000 These fucking things. 1.00

00:22:46.000 It was a space helmet. 1.00

00:22:47.000 And you put a space helmet on, and you cinch it up to your neck, and it's got like filters inside and everything, and it cools you off, too.

00:22:54.000 What?

00:22:54.000 Like a fan?

00:22:55.000 So there's like a little fan in there.

00:22:57.000 I like that.

00:22:57.000 I'm pretty sure there's a fan.

00:22:58.000 Isn't there a fan in there?

00:22:59.000 You know, I don't.

00:23:00.000 I will say...

00:23:01.000 Yeah, there's a fan in there.

00:23:02.000 Yeah, here's Reggie.

00:23:02.000 Look at this.

00:23:05.000 Masks, you know, like...

00:23:06.000 Reggie was traveling on airplanes with this.

00:23:09.000 No.

00:23:09.000 Yes.

00:23:10.000 Well, I would like that, because I do feel like airplanes make you really sick.

00:23:13.000 Well, if there really was an issue, like a real serious issue, here's a question. 0.99

00:23:18.000 Like if there's some fucking evil alien virus, there's no known cure. 0.99

00:23:22.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:23:23.000 Are you gonna walk around with that on?

00:23:26.000 No, I'm going outside.

00:23:27.000 I'm going...

00:23:28.000 Are you gonna just take it in?

00:23:29.000 I'm going.

00:23:30.000 I'm actually gonna rhinestone mine.

00:23:33.000 I get that and I glitter it up.

00:23:35.000 Like a hot girl in a motorcycle. 0.98

00:23:37.000 Yeah, I make it my own.

00:23:39.000 Yeah, I get it.

00:23:39.000 I get it.

00:23:41.000 Yeah.

00:23:43.000 No, I don't know.

00:23:44.000 It's just like, who knows?

00:23:46.000 I was nervous when it happened, but now if something happens again, I won't take it seriously.

00:23:51.000 I wonder what's going to happen.

00:23:52.000 Did they cry wolf? 1.00

00:23:54.000 They cried wolf on my ass. 1.00

00:23:55.000 Oh no. 1.00

00:23:58.000 But nobody knew in the beginning, right?

00:23:59.000 That's the thing.

00:24:00.000 Everybody always wants to point...

00:24:02.000 To like, this person's got it wrong. 0.97

00:24:05.000 But nobody fucking knew in the beginning. 0.96

00:24:07.000 In the beginning there was so much guesswork. 0.99

00:24:10.000 There's always a threat.

00:24:11.000 If it's not that, it's climate change.

00:24:13.000 If it's not climate change, it's homicides.

00:24:16.000 If it's not homicides, it's something else.

00:24:18.000 There's always a worry.

00:24:20.000 Yeah.

00:24:21.000 It's never going to be perfect.

00:24:21.000 I saw the nicest sticker the other day on a gas station.

00:24:24.000 The grossest gas station ever.

00:24:26.000 I was terrified.

00:24:27.000 And when I got out, it was just a sticker that said, think of something beautiful.

00:24:30.000 And I was like, that's kind of the nicest sticker I've ever seen.

00:24:33.000 It's not corny.

00:24:34.000 And it is really nice.

00:24:36.000 And it kind of helps.

00:24:37.000 Isn't that sweet?

00:24:38.000 She's in her soft girl era. 0.95

00:24:39.000 I think the mushrooms are kicking.

00:24:42.000 You know what I hate? 0.99

00:24:43.000 I hate when Kim takes mushrooms because then she won't let me talk shit about guys. 1.00

00:24:47.000 She'll be like, he's just a man. 0.99

00:24:50.000 Yeah, she'll call me and I'll be like, well, maybe he went through something.

00:24:53.000 And I'll be like, oh, you're on mushrooms.

00:24:56.000 Yeah, it stops the gossip for me.

00:24:59.000 We're all just people.

00:25:00.000 And I go, okay, yeah, that's true.

00:25:02.000 It is true.

00:25:03.000 Imagine if everybody was on mushrooms and that was just like the prevalent attitude.

00:25:07.000 Yeah.

00:25:08.000 You wouldn't care if you've been wronged.

00:25:11.000 Isn't it crazy that as a mass experiment, if everybody just took a minor dose, what do you want?

00:25:26.000 If there was like legal psilocybin and it was regulated so you knew what it was, it's tested, safe doses, and everybody decided to take it all at once.

00:25:38.000 Everybody.

00:25:38.000 The whole country.

00:25:39.000 That would be beautiful.

00:25:41.000 You know what happened?

00:25:41.000 A bunch of dudes who are criminals would say they were going to take it.

00:25:44.000 And then they'd rob everybody while they're on mushrooms.

00:25:48.000 It'd be the worst case of love doesn't find a way.

00:25:51.000 It's a great movie.

00:25:52.000 They convince everyone about world peace, but it's actually just a trick.

00:25:56.000 And they just rob everybody blind. 0.96

00:25:57.000 They break into the stock exchange and fucking clean out all the Bitcoin. 1.00

00:26:01.000 Damn. 1.00

00:26:01.000 And it's just like the worst trip ever. 1.00

00:26:03.000 It sounds like a Guy Ritchie movie.

00:26:06.000 It's great.

00:26:07.000 I'm watching.

00:26:08.000 Cut that out! 1.00

00:26:09.000 Keep it!

00:26:10.000 Maybe not all at once, but if it was available to everybody and they realized the benefits, especially like of micro doses, just perspective enhancing benefits.

00:26:19.000 It helps so many fucking soldiers, so many guys who get back and experience combat.

00:26:25.000 They're all fucking racked by all sorts of emotions and thoughts and lost friends and That and MDMA seems to really help those guys. 0.98

00:26:34.000 I was just going to say, I had a roommate in LA who did MDMA. She did like a weekend camp therapy with only children of childhood trauma. 0.97

00:26:42.000 And she came back like a different person.

00:26:45.000 Wow.

00:26:46.000 That's interesting.

00:26:47.000 And she said it literally changed her life.

00:26:49.000 Well, they know that it's, you know, whatever it does, that experience of letting go of all your inhibitions and...

00:26:57.000 Yeah.

00:27:00.000 For some people, it can sort of just reset the way you see the world.

00:27:04.000 So for soldiers, for so many people that have experienced violence, that is so important for them.

00:27:10.000 Why don't we make that available?

00:27:12.000 That could literally help the world and through MAPS. MAPS is doing those studies with soldiers and they're all very promising.

00:27:21.000 It's very interesting stuff.

00:27:23.000 But they're doing it the right way and they're doing it through politics.

00:27:27.000 I love that.

00:27:27.000 Because, Joe, then we can't gossip.

00:27:31.000 They need us to gossip.

00:27:34.000 That's how they control us.

00:27:36.000 When I did an MDMA, I fell in love with a PE teacher for 24 hours.

00:27:41.000 Wow, 24 hours?

00:27:43.000 24 hours.

00:27:43.000 I go, this PE teacher's the man for me.

00:27:45.000 That's about how long you fell in love with a PE teacher.

00:27:47.000 Yeah, when you sober up, you go, maybe it wasn't love.

00:27:50.000 What would the world be like if, you know, I mean, think about how many people that are on various medications.

00:27:55.000 What would the world be like if they just came up with something and called it, like, Calm, and it was a micro-dose MDMA that everybody took all day long?

00:28:06.000 Wow.

00:28:07.000 So everybody is like almost like they're tripping, almost like they're rolling all day long.

00:28:14.000 Everyone's nice to everyone.

00:28:16.000 Everyone's lovely.

00:28:17.000 Everyone's friendly.

00:28:18.000 People are giving you hugs at CVS. They want everyone to do well.

00:28:21.000 See?

00:28:22.000 I want you to be happy.

00:28:23.000 Everybody wants you to do well.

00:28:24.000 Imagine.

00:28:25.000 Imagine.

00:28:26.000 Those two things?

00:28:27.000 I love that.

00:28:27.000 We talked about psilocybin and MDMA. They're real.

00:28:30.000 We're not making this up.

00:28:31.000 We're not fake things that some people have talked about on internet forums, but they're not real.

00:28:37.000 They're real.

00:28:37.000 And they're illegal.

00:28:40.000 That alone should make us go, what the fuck? 0.99

00:28:42.000 When is that going to change? 0.99

00:28:43.000 How are they illegal, but Delta, that weird...

00:28:47.000 Delta 9?

00:28:48.000 Is legal.

00:28:49.000 How is that a thing?

00:28:50.000 I don't know.

00:28:51.000 That's a weird high.

00:28:52.000 I haven't smoked it.

00:28:53.000 It's like a neighbor of weed.

00:28:55.000 It's like, I'm Weed's neighbor, I'mma tell you what he tells me.

00:28:59.000 Come on in, Weed will be here soon.

00:29:01.000 Will it?

00:29:02.000 It doesn't seem like it has any of the ideas that Weed has.

00:29:05.000 Yeah.

00:29:05.000 It's like, it just repeats Weed's ideas.

00:29:07.000 It doesn't do such a good job of telling them. 1.00

00:29:09.000 Well, one time when he was 13, his stepdaddy was a real piece of shit. 1.00

00:29:13.000 Anyway. 1.00

00:29:15.000 Oh, Weed makes you uncomfortable.

00:29:17.000 Yeah.

00:29:17.000 You don't want to stay for, or Delta.

00:29:19.000 It makes you uncomfortable.

00:29:20.000 It makes me like, it's just, it's odd.

00:29:23.000 It's an odd thing.

00:29:24.000 It's weird that they can do that, though.

00:29:26.000 It's weird that that's legal.

00:29:27.000 Yeah.

00:29:28.000 I bought weed one time in Harlem from this guy.

00:29:32.000 Can I say that?

00:29:34.000 Yes.

00:29:35.000 Back then it was probably illegal.

00:29:38.000 Yeah, no.

00:29:39.000 I mean, this was probably three years ago.

00:29:41.000 When did it get legal in New York?

00:29:43.000 Recently.

00:29:43.000 Oh yeah, so it was probably illegal then still.

00:29:45.000 You were a criminal.

00:29:47.000 Yeah, I was doing bad things. 1.00

00:29:48.000 A bad bitch. 1.00

00:29:49.000 But I had always bought from this guy, and right before I recorded my podcast, this was when I was living in New York, and I rolled a joint of it, and I smoked it with me, my co-host, our guest, all the producers, and then while we were smoking it, 0.99

00:30:06.000 before the joint was even done, I was like, I'm done.

00:30:08.000 And then I was like, we should do a new segment, and we should rap.

00:30:13.000 And everybody was like, what?

00:30:14.000 And I was like, we should start rap.

00:30:15.000 I think it would be a good idea if we started, we became like a rap thing.

00:30:19.000 And then I just started going off about rap.

00:30:21.000 And I was like, going crazy.

00:30:22.000 And then when we got on, I was like, we have to start the show now because we have to do this thing before the idea goes.

00:30:26.000 And I started getting crazy.

00:30:28.000 And then I'm like breathing all heavy and my heart's racing.

00:30:31.000 And one of the producers who was like, Does a lot of drugs.

00:30:36.000 Literally said into the mic, I'm the highest I've ever been.

00:30:39.000 And then that's when it hit me that I was like, the weed.

00:30:42.000 This is not me.

00:30:44.000 I realized something happened.

00:30:46.000 And we were on air already.

00:30:48.000 I was pulling up rap lyrics and dancing to them.

00:30:51.000 It's those joints that they sprinkle the THC crystals on.

00:30:56.000 I know exactly what it was.

00:30:58.000 What was it?

00:30:59.000 Okay.

00:31:01.000 After I came down and had them almost call an ambulance, because then I freaked out on the podcast.

00:31:06.000 I cried.

00:31:07.000 We were looking up the symptoms of fentanyl on the podcast.

00:31:11.000 No!

00:31:12.000 Yes, because I was like, it could be fentanyl.

00:31:14.000 I've never felt like this on weed.

00:31:16.000 And then I looked at the bag and there was a little bit of cocaine in the bag that he sold me the weed in.

00:31:21.000 So I had smoked...

00:31:22.000 Crack, basically.

00:31:24.000 Crack.

00:31:25.000 Whoa! 0.71

00:31:25.000 And did a podcast. 0.71

00:31:27.000 A full podcast trying to be a rapper.

00:31:30.000 So you would have been a rapper if you had done crack.

00:31:34.000 100%.

00:31:36.000 100%.

00:31:37.000 I think I would also be a rapper if I did crack.

00:31:40.000 Rhymeshank. 0.84

00:31:40.000 That was my nickname for a while. 0.84

00:31:42.000 Rhymeshank, I like it.

00:31:42.000 I was rhyming.

00:31:43.000 I was like, no one could be around me.

00:31:46.000 Make sure your weed dealer doesn't also deal coke and reuse the baggies.

00:31:50.000 Imagine if there's certain drugs that make you want to do certain activities.

00:31:54.000 It's like you can just crack and rap or just like, you know, if you ever see some lost kid from the suburbs, all of a sudden he starts rapping.

00:32:04.000 Well, yeah, I smoke weed because I'm a comedian.

00:32:06.000 I feel like if I would have drank more, I would have been like a mom.

00:32:11.000 Someone would have gotten me pregnant already. 1.00

00:32:13.000 There's a lot of funny comedians that are drunks.

00:32:16.000 That's true.

00:32:17.000 Yeah, that's true.

00:32:19.000 I feel like we all smoke weed, most of us.

00:32:22.000 A lot of us.

00:32:23.000 It's comedy steroids.

00:32:24.000 It really is.

00:32:25.000 It puts you in a different state of mind.

00:32:28.000 That's like what Brody would say.

00:32:30.000 He was like, 90% of comedians smoke weed, 90% and the rest, they're not funny. 0.99

00:32:37.000 I've gotten some calls from people that used to be super straight-laced and then when it became legal in California in 2016, people were like, oh, it's fucking legal. 0.97

00:32:48.000 Maybe a gummy will help me go to sleep.

00:32:50.000 They start asking me questions like, what's the difference between sativa and indica?

00:32:56.000 They text you at 420 and you're like, dude. 1.00

00:32:58.000 You fucking rookie. 1.00

00:33:00.000 Come on, man. 1.00

00:33:01.000 They're smoking out of apples and shit. 1.00

00:33:03.000 I was that rookie at one point in time, too. 1.00

00:33:05.000 We all were.

00:33:06.000 Yeah.

00:33:07.000 We all were.

00:33:08.000 In the beginning, you can't believe people don't know about pot.

00:33:10.000 When you first started smoking weed, you're like, how is everybody not doing this?

00:33:14.000 When I first started smoking weed is when I started dating this white hippie dude that had dreadlocks from Portland.

00:33:21.000 Gus?

00:33:21.000 No.

00:33:22.000 This was different.

00:33:23.000 And all we would do is get high and eat pies.

00:33:26.000 And I think I gained like 15 pounds because I was just smoking weed with him and eating pies.

00:33:32.000 Do you guys know the story of Jack Harrow?

00:33:35.000 Oh, the...

00:33:36.000 The Emperor Wears No Clothes?

00:33:37.000 The hemp guy.

00:33:38.000 Yeah.

00:33:38.000 Yeah, yeah, the hemperer.

00:33:40.000 Yeah.

00:33:41.000 He's a famous marijuana activist and researcher, and he wrote this book.

00:33:47.000 This guy was like a Goldwater Republican, and then met this lady, and they were smoking a little marijuana together, hanging out, and all of a sudden he gets it.

00:33:58.000 And he goes, oh my God, this is good for you.

00:34:01.000 This is...

00:34:03.000 He has all these revelations about it.

00:34:04.000 Then he goes into the history, because he's a very smart guy.

00:34:08.000 He says, like, how did this happen?

00:34:10.000 And he starts delving into the history of Harry Enslinger and William Randolph Hearst, and they conspired to make it look like there was this new drug that was causing all these...

00:34:21.000 Mexican guys... 0.97

00:34:22.000 Excuse me.

00:34:24.000 I got these zen patches.

00:34:26.000 I thought that was what the drugs were doing.

00:34:28.000 No, I wish. 1.00

00:34:29.000 They were saying that it was causing Mexicans and black men to rape white women. 1.00

00:34:34.000 They were writing stories about this. 0.99

00:34:36.000 And then they came up with the Reefer Madness propaganda films.

00:34:39.000 And all this calling it marijuana.

00:34:40.000 They tried to Emmett Till weed.

00:34:42.000 Yes, that's right.

00:34:43.000 Marijuana was like a slang for Mexican wild tobacco.

00:34:47.000 It had nothing to do with...

00:34:48.000 Sorry to cut you off, but that's why I have, like, one of my black friends told me that the black community likes to call it cannabis, not marijuana, because marijuana is associated with that negativity.

00:35:00.000 Yeah.

00:35:02.000 Really?

00:35:02.000 Yeah, I don't think there's anything wrong with the word marijuana.

00:35:05.000 I think it's a cute name.

00:35:06.000 I like it.

00:35:07.000 Marijuana sounds good.

00:35:08.000 That's my daughter.

00:35:09.000 I'd like to smoke some marijuana.

00:35:12.000 But I also like cannabis, too.

00:35:14.000 The names aren't important.

00:35:15.000 What's important is that people like this Jack Harrow guy, see if you can pull up that book, because it's a very good book.

00:35:22.000 Where he talks about, he actually had this video that they had made in like the World War I or World War II. It was hemp for victory.

00:35:32.000 And it was telling farmers to grow marijuana.

00:35:36.000 Like marijuana, like the plant marijuana is also hemp.

00:35:40.000 Yeah.

00:35:41.000 Right?

00:35:41.000 So what marijuana is is a psychoactive female version of a very similar plant.

00:35:46.000 So now they've kind of engineered hemp so it doesn't have any THC in it.

00:35:51.000 So you can't smoke the hemp.

00:35:52.000 But that hemp is what they were fighting.

00:35:56.000 They weren't really fighting marijuana.

00:35:58.000 They were fighting hemp because it's a superior textile.

00:36:01.000 It makes the best, most durable clothes.

00:36:03.000 It makes a far superior paper.

00:36:05.000 You could use it to build houses with.

00:36:07.000 Why doesn't everybody use hemp then?

00:36:09.000 It should be.

00:36:10.000 It should be.

00:36:10.000 But why not the switchover?

00:36:12.000 Because there's a lot of moving pieces when it comes to things like this.

00:36:17.000 There's a lot of moving pieces that are in gear.

00:36:20.000 They're moving.

00:36:20.000 So hemp is now legal in the United States, right?

00:36:23.000 So then the industry has to kind of build up and you have to have manufacturing if you really want to do it.

00:36:27.000 If you really want a higher skilled labor to make hemp clothes that you built here in America, now it's possible.

00:36:33.000 But at Onnit, we used to have to buy our hemp from Canada because you couldn't grow it in the United States, even though it was legal because it wasn't psychoactive.

00:36:40.000 So we had hemp protein powder.

00:36:42.000 And we used to have to get it grown in Canada.

00:36:44.000 That's crazy.

00:36:45.000 We couldn't even hire an American farmer to grow it.

00:36:48.000 Yeah, I know that hemp is also, like, the clothes are anti, it's like antibacterial, antifungal.

00:36:55.000 What?

00:36:55.000 I didn't know any of this.

00:36:56.000 Yeah, they make hemp geese.

00:36:58.000 Yeah.

00:36:58.000 What?

00:36:59.000 Yeah, I have a hemp geese.

00:37:01.000 Yeah, Datsura. 1.00

00:37:02.000 It's the shit. 1.00

00:37:03.000 Does it smell less? 1.00

00:37:04.000 You can find them online.

00:37:05.000 They're just real durable. 0.96

00:37:07.000 Like, real fucking durable. 0.73

00:37:09.000 Like, the only thing that's going to break is the threads, and they just re-stitch it. 0.94

00:37:13.000 Like, that cloth is not ripping. 0.96

00:37:15.000 It's really fucking strong. 0.97

00:37:17.000 Like, hemp is a weird thing. 0.99

00:37:18.000 Like, my friend Todd McCormick had a stalk of hemp on his desk.

00:37:22.000 He's like, pick this up. 0.99

00:37:23.000 I picked it up, and I was like, what the fuck, man? 0.99

00:37:26.000 It weighs nothing. 0.99

00:37:28.000 It was hard like oak, but it weighed nothing.

00:37:32.000 It weighed nothing.

00:37:33.000 It was like balsa wood.

00:37:35.000 I feel like we need to get up on hemp.

00:37:37.000 So you can see like a fat hemp stalk.

00:37:40.000 So that's the stuff that they turn into clothing.

00:37:43.000 So they strip it away, and it's a very difficult process.

00:37:46.000 And for the longest time, they were doing it with slave labor.

00:37:50.000 And then when the cotton gin came along, the cotton gin made it easier to process cotton.

00:37:56.000 And so it wasn't until the decorticator was invented.

00:37:59.000 And the decorticator was a new method to effectively process hemp fiber with a machine.

00:38:05.000 So they had this machine that's going to strip it down. 0.99

00:38:07.000 Because otherwise they were using, like, people were pounding on it and shit. 0.99

00:38:10.000 Wow. 0.99

00:38:11.000 So this was invented, and then all the Reefer Madness shit came out. 0.98

00:38:15.000 Because there was a thing, I think it was Popular Science Magazine, see if that, hemp the new billion dollar crop, see if you can find that. 0.89

00:38:22.000 Then they had the two, and they just chose the cotton because there was no drama behind it.

00:38:26.000 It wasn't just, it was no, no, it was the people that, William Randolph Hearst was one of them.

00:38:30.000 So William Randolph Hearst owned Hearst Publications.

00:38:33.000 Look, Billion dollar crop. 0.90

00:38:35.000 It was on the cover of the magazine.

00:38:37.000 See if you can find the cover, because it's kind of hilarious to see that, that they have this story about this new billion dollar crop, hemp. 1.00

00:38:47.000 I mean, it's really wild shit. 0.99

00:38:50.000 Yeah, that's wild. 0.99

00:38:53.000 Well, so now can anyone grow hemp?

00:38:55.000 Maybe I'm wrong.

00:38:56.000 Maybe it wasn't on the cover.

00:38:57.000 But that's the story right there.

00:38:58.000 Hemp, the billion dollar crop.

00:38:59.000 God, I swore it was on the cover. 0.99

00:39:01.000 But I have a fucked up memory sometimes. 0.99

00:39:03.000 Hemp fiber being delivered from machines ready for baling. 0.98

00:39:06.000 Piles of pulverized herds The side machine is 77% cellulose.

00:39:12.000 So they strip it down with that machine.

00:39:14.000 So they immediately were like, okay, now we're going to have this stuff that's lighter, it's better, it's stronger. 0.99

00:39:21.000 It's really like a fucking alien plant. 0.98

00:39:24.000 It's real weird. 0.99

00:39:25.000 When you pick it up, it feels weird.

00:39:28.000 You ever been in a grow room?

00:39:29.000 Yes.

00:39:30.000 How weird do those feel?

00:39:31.000 So weird.

00:39:32.000 Weird.

00:39:33.000 Why do they feel weird?

00:39:34.000 Like there's something else in there with you.

00:39:36.000 Yeah.

00:39:37.000 Like Hal is in there with you.

00:39:39.000 Yeah.

00:39:39.000 Well, can I tell you?

00:39:40.000 Hello, Kim.

00:39:41.000 I have a lot of plants and I feel like that about my plants in general.

00:39:44.000 She calls one of them her dog.

00:39:45.000 I have this huge Monstera plant and I swear to God it just feels alive and it creeps me out sometimes.

00:39:52.000 Yeah.

00:39:53.000 I'm not a big fan of house plants.

00:39:55.000 You're not?

00:39:55.000 No, because I think it's like little prisoners.

00:39:58.000 I think they're supposed to be not in this little trapped ecosystem relying on you to play classical music for them.

00:40:04.000 Now I'm sad for my plants.

00:40:06.000 They don't even get classical music.

00:40:09.000 Free them.

00:40:10.000 I'm not a fan of corralling up wild things.

00:40:15.000 Don't make me feel bad that I have prisoner plants.

00:40:19.000 I have to look those babies in the eye every day.

00:40:23.000 Now I feel like they hate me.

00:40:25.000 They're so happy.

00:40:26.000 They look so good and they grow so fast.

00:40:28.000 Yeah, but you're feeding them.

00:40:30.000 I have big windows.

00:40:31.000 I bet they like it.

00:40:32.000 Maybe they love it.

00:40:32.000 Maybe they're like a house cat.

00:40:33.000 They fucking love it. 1.00

00:40:34.000 Yeah, and I heard that they have eyes. 0.99

00:40:36.000 Did you hear that?

00:40:37.000 Plants have eyes now.

00:40:38.000 They can see you.

00:40:38.000 That's too far.

00:40:39.000 They had receptors.

00:40:41.000 I saw that, I don't know, TikTok probably.

00:40:44.000 The thing is about...

00:40:45.000 Plants is that they're communicating with each other through the ground.

00:40:48.000 That's what's fascinating.

00:40:49.000 That's so cool.

00:40:50.000 Yeah.

00:40:51.000 They're just starting to figure this stuff out.

00:40:52.000 I don't know when they realized this, but this is like the mycologists have figured it out.

00:40:57.000 And all these scientists are realizing that they're allocating resources to different plants.

00:41:01.000 They're sharing resources.

00:41:03.000 They're communicating in some way.

00:41:04.000 It's very weird.

00:41:05.000 Also, there is spots that people take pictures of that meditate in the grass, and that grass grows flowers around it, the spots that they meditate.

00:41:12.000 Whoa.

00:41:13.000 We're like angels.

00:41:14.000 I love that.

00:41:16.000 They communicate with you if you lay on them.

00:41:18.000 They do.

00:41:19.000 They definitely do.

00:41:20.000 Well, that's why people say when you take mushrooms, go to nature.

00:41:22.000 Yeah.

00:41:23.000 You take mushrooms, go to nature.

00:41:24.000 It's like, oh my God, these things are alive.

00:41:26.000 You don't think of them as a...

00:41:28.000 We're so...

00:41:28.000 First of all, it's so hard to stay alive up until about, what?

00:41:34.000 200 years ago, 100 years ago?

00:41:35.000 It was almost impossible.

00:41:37.000 Everybody's getting murdered.

00:41:39.000 Left and right.

00:41:39.000 Every day is just slaughter fest.

00:41:41.000 People are horrible to each other. 1.00

00:41:42.000 So you gotta concentrate on what you can fucking do. 0.99

00:41:45.000 I just gotta keep moving. 0.99

00:41:47.000 What can I eat?

00:41:47.000 How can I stay alive?

00:41:49.000 How can I keep moving?

00:41:50.000 How can I protect my kids?

00:41:51.000 So it kind of makes sense that you'll tune out.

00:41:56.000 The nature part. 1.00

00:41:57.000 I can't be fucked with all this beautiful love shit. 1.00

00:42:00.000 I'm trying to stay alive. 1.00

00:42:01.000 I'm trying not to get eaten by cats.

00:42:04.000 I'm out here trying to protect a baby with a sharp stick.

00:42:07.000 Now we can chill.

00:42:08.000 Now we can chill.

00:42:11.000 Yeah, one of the things I did during the pandemic was move to a very beautiful outdoorsy neighborhood.

00:42:17.000 And it really changed everything for me.

00:42:20.000 Sure, your own life.

00:42:21.000 Yeah, my mental health completely just changed for the better.

00:42:25.000 Spending so much time outside and meditating outside and just being in nature.

00:42:30.000 They call it forest bathing.

00:42:32.000 Ooh, I like the sound of that.

00:42:34.000 I didn't invent that, right?

00:42:35.000 That's what they call it, right?

00:42:36.000 Forest bathing?

00:42:37.000 My friend Alex just had a baby and she keeps going.

00:42:40.000 I keep imagining women that used to have babies without all the information. 0.99

00:42:46.000 And they'd just be sitting in a cave breastfeeding and they don't know what the fuck just happened to them. 1.00

00:42:52.000 This crazy shit they just went through. 0.99

00:42:56.000 It gives me anxiety because I'm so comfortable about how tough it used to be. 0.99

00:43:01.000 But also, a long time ago, women would birth together, and they would help each other. 0.57

00:43:07.000 Like, there would be doulas and midwives, and so it wasn't really, like, it was more communal, I think.

00:43:12.000 But still, not having answers, not having Google.

00:43:17.000 The secret to mindful travel, a walk in the woods.

00:43:20.000 Visit these five destinations to practice the Japanese art of forest bathing.

00:43:25.000 Ah, it is real.

00:43:25.000 Thank you.

00:43:27.000 Confirmed.

00:43:28.000 Confirmed.

00:43:30.000 Yeah.

00:43:31.000 Yeah, it's just walking through.

00:43:33.000 It makes you feel good.

00:43:33.000 It changes your life, makes you healthier.

00:43:35.000 Raises your vibration.

00:43:37.000 I think there's something real to that.

00:43:41.000 When we're in an environment, whether it's an environment of people or an environment of plants, you're getting some sort of...

00:43:49.000 Weird information that's not as simple as what you see and what you hear.

00:43:54.000 I think you get it from people.

00:43:55.000 You know people that you like.

00:43:57.000 You talk to them and you're like, that guy's cool.

00:43:59.000 I like talking to that guy.

00:44:00.000 And there's other people that you're like, Jesus.

00:44:03.000 And you know, and it's not clear for...

00:44:06.000 Because you ever see someone that other people like and you're like, wait.

00:44:11.000 You're like, wait a minute, what's happening here?

00:44:14.000 That's the story of my whole career.

00:44:28.000 Yeah, I've got no explanations for it either.

00:44:30.000 It's just crazy and you know that the instincts especially like you see things that are unexplainable like being a woman too like you ever know that a guy is cheating on you and you're right and nothing told you just a feeling What is that?

00:44:45.000 What is that?

00:44:46.000 I think there's things that people give off besides words.

00:44:49.000 There's information that people give off.

00:44:51.000 You can tell if someone's being deceptive.

00:44:55.000 You can tell if someone's secretly mad at you.

00:44:57.000 You know that weird feeling like, I don't think this person likes me.

00:45:00.000 Some weird no reason at all that I can discern of.

00:45:03.000 You know you get that feeling sometimes?

00:45:04.000 I think those are real feelings.

00:45:06.000 I think there's something there that's nonverbal. 0.98

00:45:08.000 Some fucking thing that they're giving off and you're picking up on it. 0.98

00:45:12.000 And then you trick yourself into thinking it was just you being like, you're like, I might be in a mood. 1.00

00:45:17.000 And then you brush it off.

00:45:18.000 You could do that. 1.00

00:45:19.000 Then they kill you and you're like, damn it. 1.00

00:45:21.000 You could try it again. 1.00

00:45:22.000 I trust my gut.

00:45:23.000 Maybe that person was having a rough day.

00:45:25.000 I trust my gut.

00:45:26.000 You should trust your guy.

00:45:28.000 But you could run into someone that just got in a car accident.

00:45:31.000 Yikes.

00:45:31.000 When things happen like that, people get ramped up.

00:45:33.000 Yikes.

00:45:34.000 No, no, people get ramped up.

00:45:35.000 It's like, that's why road rage exists, because everyone's ramped up, right?

00:45:39.000 You're in the car, and you have to think fast, because you're going fast. 1.00

00:45:41.000 And then someone's cutting you like, you motherfucker! 1.00

00:45:43.000 Because you're already ramped up. 1.00

00:45:45.000 Yeah. 0.92

00:45:45.000 So sometimes you could run into someone, and some guy just fucking T-boned him, ran a red light, and screamed at him, and there's a lot of shit going on, and the cops didn't help, and then you meet that person. 0.92

00:45:55.000 And they could be too ramped up. 0.99

00:45:57.000 And you're like, I think that guy fucking hates me. 0.98

00:45:59.000 Like, that guy hates everyone right now. 0.99

00:46:00.000 He's just pissed.

00:46:02.000 He almost died in a car accident and no one cares.

00:46:05.000 I got into the most frustrating road rage recently.

00:46:08.000 I did. 0.97

00:46:09.000 And it was just like fucking annoying. 0.96

00:46:11.000 It was like, I do notice that a lot. 0.99

00:46:13.000 I'm not shitting on L.A. I'm just saying that I notice in L.A. Sounds like you're shitting on L.A., bitch. 1.00

00:46:20.000 If I was L.A., I'd be like, what, bitch? 1.00

00:46:22.000 I'll say it right now. 0.99

00:46:23.000 The traffic is bad because it has the worst drivers in the country.

00:46:27.000 LA has the worst drivers in the country because they try to follow the rules too much and they're causing traffic jams.

00:46:34.000 No one uses a right lane.

00:46:36.000 They're all scared to merge.

00:46:37.000 I'm telling you, there's a trick.

00:46:38.000 I shouldn't even say it.

00:46:40.000 But if you're in LA, you can cut the Google Maps by four or five minutes just by driving in the right lane.

00:46:45.000 Everyone's terrified because they don't want to be rude and merge in a mile up the road.

00:46:50.000 It's nuts.

00:46:51.000 Anyways.

00:46:52.000 Boy, you're real specific.

00:46:54.000 She's got like a specific beef with LA drivers. 0.99

00:46:57.000 Don't get her fucking started. 1.00

00:46:59.000 What do I call them? 1.00

00:47:01.000 White Knight cucks. 1.00

00:47:02.000 If you think LA sucks, New York is like, hold my beer, bitch. 1.00

00:47:07.000 No! 1.00

00:47:07.000 Because I was just in New York. 1.00

00:47:08.000 And they're mad people. 1.00

00:47:10.000 They just fucking cut in front of everybody. 1.00

00:47:12.000 They drive like crazy. 1.00

00:47:13.000 New York is crazier. 1.00

00:47:14.000 I'll take the LA morons over the New York psychos. 1.00

00:47:17.000 See, I think the LA morons are also, like, looking at themselves. 1.00

00:47:21.000 A little bit of that. 1.00

00:47:22.000 A little bit of...

00:47:22.000 Does my eyeliner look good?

00:47:24.000 A little bit of pretendism.

00:47:25.000 There's a camera on them always.

00:47:27.000 They're trying to do too much activism, too.

00:47:29.000 They stuck.

00:47:31.000 They asked you.

00:47:33.000 With his glasses on?

00:47:35.000 I went down a rabbit hole yesterday looking for Jim Morrison's GT500. Apparently, there's a lost car out there.

00:47:44.000 No one knows where it is.

00:47:45.000 No one knows how it went away.

00:47:47.000 Jim Morrison had one of the only...

00:47:49.000 There was only a certain number of Shelby GT500s that were made during this year.

00:47:54.000 I think it was 1967. And this car, he filmed this video of him.

00:48:00.000 They made like a movie with it.

00:48:03.000 They did some filming with it on the highway, and there's like photographs of it, and there's footage from it, and he had this car, and then no one knows where it went.

00:48:13.000 And you want it. 0.99

00:48:14.000 Fuck yeah. 1.00

00:48:15.000 But not just me. 1.00

00:48:17.000 See, the problem with me is, I'm the wrong guy for that, because I think old cars are stupid. 0.98

00:48:21.000 I like to take old cars and turn them into cars that drive like new cars. 0.97

00:48:25.000 It's like, you want brakes, guys.

00:48:27.000 Like, you want real brakes. 1.00

00:48:29.000 That nostalgia of bad brakes, you can kiss my ass with that. 0.99

00:48:33.000 There's a company called Roadster Shop that did a 1969 Camaro for me. 0.99

00:48:37.000 They take old cars and they give it a real suspension, independent suspension, full fucking giant six-piston brakes, handles, drives normal, starts when you want it to, voom, voom, voom. 1.00

00:48:50.000 That's stupid. 0.99

00:48:51.000 So I wouldn't really want it other than to say I had it. 1.00

00:48:53.000 No, you need to get it.

00:48:55.000 You gotta get Jim Morrison's car, Joe!

00:48:58.000 You should send out a hunt for it.

00:49:00.000 Send out a hunt!

00:49:01.000 You should make it a whole thing.

00:49:02.000 Like, if you find Jim Morrison's car, you get this prize.

00:49:06.000 No, no. 0.98

00:49:07.000 I think it would be like, if a comic wanted to get Sam Kinison's car, and a musician bought it instead, you'd be like, bitch, give it to us. 0.99

00:49:17.000 You know? 0.94

00:49:18.000 So Jim Morrison's car?

00:49:20.000 I feel like a musician has to take that.

00:49:22.000 I feel like...

00:49:24.000 You know who should drive Jim Morrison's car?

00:49:26.000 Who?

00:49:26.000 Gary Clark Jr. I don't know who that is.

00:49:29.000 Shut the fuck up. 1.00

00:49:29.000 Do I? You guys don't know Gary Clark Jr.? 1.00

00:49:32.000 Do I, mama?

00:49:34.000 I don't know.

00:49:34.000 Austin resident, one of the greatest guitarists of all time.

00:49:37.000 Oh, he lives in Austin?

00:49:39.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:49:39.000 Oh shit. 1.00

00:49:40.000 We gotta get him Jim Morrison's car. 1.00

00:49:42.000 He's the fucking man. 1.00

00:49:43.000 There's a cover of one of his albums where he was standing in front of this vintage Cadillac, this fucking cool Cadillac. 1.00

00:49:52.000 I was like, dude, please tell me that was your car. 0.96

00:49:55.000 He's like, nope.

00:49:56.000 I want him to know, Gary Clark Jr., to know that my DMs are open.

00:50:00.000 He's quite married.

00:50:03.000 Oh.

00:50:04.000 Lovely lady.

00:50:05.000 I guess it's Zuckerberg then.

00:50:06.000 Yeah.

00:50:08.000 Back to the Zuck.

00:50:09.000 Not him hearing that.

00:50:10.000 Now he knows he's the second choice.

00:50:13.000 No, Zuck.

00:50:13.000 Number one.

00:50:14.000 Yeah, you can't do that to the Zuck.

00:50:16.000 Sorry, Zucky. 0.95

00:50:17.000 Yeah.

00:50:18.000 Zucky, baby.

00:50:19.000 The guy's a billionaire.

00:50:19.000 He's entering his jiu-jitsu tournaments.

00:50:21.000 He's competitive.

00:50:22.000 You can't do that to him.

00:50:23.000 I'm sorry, Zucky.

00:50:24.000 What's he going to put you in, Shanky? 0.99

00:50:26.000 What?

00:50:26.000 What jiu-jitsu move?

00:50:27.000 An unplata.

00:50:28.000 Sorry.

00:50:31.000 Maybe a triangle.

00:50:33.000 I know the jargon.

00:50:35.000 I hang out with fighters.

00:50:37.000 Anybody want any coffee?

00:50:37.000 I would love coffee, please.

00:50:39.000 Thank you.

00:50:40.000 Thank you, thank you, thank you.

00:50:42.000 That's good.

00:50:42.000 The princess.

00:50:45.000 This article says it probably wrecked.

00:50:47.000 Is that not what people think?

00:50:48.000 Yeah, they don't know, man.

00:50:49.000 They think it went missing.

00:50:50.000 I went down a rabbit hole and this guy did a video of it.

00:50:53.000 And the guy was saying that there's a bunch of different stories.

00:50:57.000 One story that he crashed it and left it there and it got towed.

00:51:00.000 That I believe.

00:51:01.000 Whitney did that. 0.99

00:51:05.000 At Avril Lavigne's house.

00:51:07.000 I think her car's still there.

00:51:09.000 That sounds like a Whitney move.

00:51:10.000 That's like a Mike Tyson move.

00:51:11.000 He crashed one of his Bentleys and gave it to the cop.

00:51:14.000 You can have this off of them.

00:51:15.000 The cop was like, okay. 0.98

00:51:18.000 The cop had a fucking Bentley for like two days and then they made him give it back. 0.99

00:51:22.000 The police force made him give it back. 1.00

00:51:24.000 The Mike Tyson interview of him telling the woman journalist to stop speaking out of that shit was kind of funny. 1.00

00:51:30.000 I don't talk to women unless I fornicate women. 1.00

00:51:32.000 And then she was just silent. 0.97

00:51:34.000 She was like, okay.

00:51:34.000 She didn't make another sound.

00:51:37.000 Have you seen that?

00:51:38.000 No, but when I saw him at the comedy store, it was one of the only times I've been really starstruck.

00:51:42.000 Yeah, I saw him at the comedy store.

00:51:44.000 He was very nice.

00:51:45.000 He talked to me and didn't try to fornicate with me, I will say.

00:51:48.000 He's the nicest guy ever.

00:51:49.000 He was so nice.

00:51:51.000 He's very, very nice, believe it or not.

00:51:52.000 And he's a very kind person.

00:51:54.000 It is a very funny thing to say.

00:51:55.000 Well, back in the day, he was a different person.

00:51:58.000 And that's the thing that he was most afraid of about even working out.

00:52:02.000 He said it.

00:52:03.000 He said he doesn't want to rekindle his ego.

00:52:05.000 That's what he said when he fought Roy Jones.

00:52:07.000 It was a crazy quote.

00:52:08.000 He said, like, the gods of war have rekindled my ego.

00:52:11.000 The gods of war have rekindled my ego?

00:52:14.000 I understand that, though.

00:52:15.000 You know what that guy must have been like from when he won the world title at 20 years old to when Buster Douglas beat him?

00:52:23.000 It was just a series of executions.

00:52:26.000 It was one of the craziest things that anybody had ever seen in boxing.

00:52:29.000 Everybody was so terrified.

00:52:32.000 By the time they got in the ring with them.

00:52:33.000 They were losing before they got anywhere close to the ring. 1.00

00:52:35.000 They were terrified of this fucking guy. 0.99

00:52:37.000 He was like nobody we'd ever seen in the heavyweight division. 1.00

00:52:40.000 So you have to be extreme in every possible part of your life to be riding those RPMs. 0.99

00:52:48.000 Damn! 1.00

00:52:49.000 Of all the men, super athletes that are great at punching people in the face. 1.00

00:52:54.000 You excel beyond and above all of them.

00:52:58.000 It's insane. 0.99

00:52:58.000 Imagine how sick you are as his opponent. 0.99

00:53:01.000 Oh my god. 0.99

00:53:02.000 Like right before the fight.

00:53:03.000 Terrified.

00:53:03.000 Like the feeling that you feel.

00:53:04.000 It's like that nausea.

00:53:07.000 Just you know.

00:53:08.000 You're trying to be confident, but you know. 0.70

00:53:10.000 Oh, it's sickening.

00:53:11.000 You've watched the videos?

00:53:12.000 It's sick, yeah.

00:53:13.000 You've watched the Marvis Frazier fight?

00:53:14.000 Yeah.

00:53:14.000 The Marvis Frazier fight was one of the most terrifying boxing fights I ever saw in my life.

00:53:18.000 Because it was Marvis Frazier who was the son of the great Joe Frazier, former world heavyweight champion.

00:53:25.000 And Marvis Frazier was his son, and his son was fighting Mike Tyson in his prime.

00:53:30.000 And it was on ABC Wide World of Sports, I think.

00:53:33.000 What year was this?

00:53:35.000 This had to be like 86 or something like that.

00:53:39.000 87?

00:53:40.000 What year was that, young Jamie?

00:53:43.000 So it had to be somewhere in the 80s.

00:53:47.000 Tyson?

00:53:49.000 Tyson Frazier, July 26th, 1986. 1986. Want to see it?

00:53:54.000 It's horrific.

00:53:55.000 Let's play it.

00:53:56.000 Because it's one of the most...

00:53:57.000 I feel like I've seen highlights, but he probably has a bunch of fights out there.

00:54:00.000 Yeah, but this is the one that you should see.

00:54:02.000 Because this was a huge fight.

00:54:03.000 Because he was the number two ranked heavyweight contender.

00:54:06.000 And he was the man.

00:54:06.000 He was on the cover of Sports Illustrated.

00:54:08.000 I actually have it framed in my office.

00:54:10.000 Sports Illustrated sent it to me.

00:54:12.000 It was Mike Tyson.

00:54:13.000 It said, Kid Dynamite.

00:54:15.000 And at the time, he was 19 years old.

00:54:18.000 Oh my god.

00:54:19.000 Look how young Jim Lampley looks.

00:54:21.000 Oh my god.

00:54:22.000 So let's scoot ahead to the actual fight itself.

00:54:25.000 The fight itself was...

00:54:27.000 This is like highlights of other fights that Mike's had.

00:54:30.000 So they're basically like setting up the whole Mike Tyson story that he's the most terrifying contender that we've seen since, you know, Joe Frazier.

00:54:38.000 And Joe Frazier like kind of dismissed him in some sort of way.

00:54:41.000 There's some sort of a verbal back and forth with him and Joe Frazier.

00:54:46.000 And so this is Joe's son, Marvis. 1.00

00:54:48.000 Oh, shit. 1.00

00:54:49.000 Who is fighting Mike Tyson in his fucking... 1.00

00:54:53.000 Mike Tyson in his prime is hot. 0.99

00:54:56.000 Yeah.

00:54:56.000 He was 20 years old.

00:54:57.000 So this is before he fought for the title.

00:55:00.000 You gotta watch how terrifying this is. 1.00

00:55:04.000 Holy shit. 1.00

00:55:06.000 He's a machine. 1.00

00:55:10.000 Just right away.

00:55:11.000 Bobbing and weaving.

00:55:12.000 Jab.

00:55:12.000 Big shot.

00:55:13.000 Big shots.

00:55:24.000 Dude.

00:55:26.000 Dude.

00:55:28.000 Is one of the most terrifying knockouts ever.

00:55:31.000 Ever.

00:55:31.000 And that was when Mike Tyson became undeniable.

00:55:35.000 Everybody's like, oh my god, that's the man.

00:55:37.000 That's the man.

00:55:38.000 That man's father watched that.

00:55:40.000 Look at that.

00:55:42.000 He did it so swiftly.

00:55:45.000 I mean, his punches are so accurate, so fast, and so powerful.

00:55:50.000 I mean, look at that.

00:55:50.000 He's catching him on the way down.

00:55:52.000 He's out cold, and he hit him twice on the way down while he was out cold.

00:55:56.000 That's how fast he's hitting him.

00:55:58.000 That's insane.

00:55:59.000 There was nobody like him.

00:56:00.000 No.

00:56:01.000 I put that version of Mike Tyson, I would like to see that version against any heavyweight that ever lived.

00:56:06.000 There was like a period of time where you're like, Jesus, who's gonna beat that guy?

00:56:10.000 No, thank you.

00:56:10.000 I would have loved to have seen it.

00:56:11.000 I got punched in the face at Skank Fest and that was not funny.

00:56:15.000 I hated that.

00:56:16.000 I did a fight and this girl came in. 1.00

00:56:19.000 No, that was horrible.

00:56:21.000 I was on the sideline like, okay, I hope mommy's gonna make it.

00:56:25.000 She comes in.

00:56:26.000 Lewis is like, you wanna fight?

00:56:28.000 And I'm like, not really.

00:56:29.000 I'm in overalls, like, off a tab of acid.

00:56:33.000 For two days straight.

00:56:34.000 Like, no sleep.

00:56:36.000 And I had a concussion three weeks ago.

00:56:38.000 And then he's like, you wanna fight?

00:56:39.000 How'd you get a concussion?

00:56:40.000 I got a...

00:56:42.000 doing Muay Thai.

00:56:43.000 Oh no.

00:56:43.000 Just the first time holding pads with this huge guy.

00:56:46.000 Oh no.

00:56:46.000 And I didn't know I got a concussion.

00:56:48.000 And then a few days later, we were sparring and someone hit me in the back of the head by accident.

00:56:53.000 And then when I was driving home, I lost my vision.

00:56:55.000 And then when I went to the hospital, like I said, I had post-concussive syndrome.

00:56:59.000 Whoa.

00:56:59.000 Yeah.

00:57:00.000 So then I had a concussion.

00:57:01.000 You were holding pads for a big guy?

00:57:03.000 Yeah.

00:57:04.000 And just the jolt of it gave you a concussion?

00:57:06.000 Yeah.

00:57:06.000 Whoa.

00:57:07.000 Mm-hmm.

00:57:09.000 The pads hitting the pad to my head.

00:57:11.000 And I could feel it because I'd get migraines after.

00:57:13.000 Why are you holding the pads for a big man?

00:57:17.000 I don't know.

00:57:18.000 That is a good question, Joe.

00:57:18.000 I shouldn't have been.

00:57:21.000 Yeah, I wouldn't let you hold the pads for me.

00:57:23.000 No.

00:57:23.000 I'd be like, don't do that.

00:57:24.000 You could hold the pads for me, though, bitch. 1.00

00:57:26.000 But you could if the guy was just touching them. 1.00

00:57:29.000 Yeah, no, he was hitting them hard.

00:57:30.000 Yeah, that's not...

00:57:31.000 You can't really do that.

00:57:32.000 Yeah.

00:57:32.000 Someone needs to tell him.

00:57:34.000 I know now.

00:57:34.000 Hey, bro, you need a strong person.

00:57:36.000 Yeah.

00:57:36.000 A very strong person.

00:57:37.000 Some of those Thai guys are amazing, because they're not big guys. 0.93

00:57:41.000 They're like these small dudes, but they're so fucking strong at that.

00:57:46.000 Just that motion. 0.98

00:57:48.000 They have so much power. 0.99

00:57:49.000 They stop these fucking horrendous kicks with their forearms. 0.99

00:57:53.000 I have a friend who just went to Thailand for Muay Thai to train and he said just being in Muay Thai, being in Thailand as Muay Thai got so much better in such a short amount of time. 0.99

00:58:02.000 I would imagine.

00:58:03.000 We were just talking about that in the UFC this past weekend, because there was a story of this guy, Khalil Roundtree, who was a very good fighter, but he lost one fight to this guy, Johnny Walker, and then decided to go to Thailand and really immerse himself in Muay Thai.

00:58:17.000 And then he came back, and he was a totally different fighter.

00:58:20.000 We were like, whoa!

00:58:22.000 So much so that I had him on the podcast.

00:58:24.000 I'm like, what happened?

00:58:25.000 Tell me what happened.

00:58:26.000 What'd you do? 0.51

00:58:27.000 He just, like, realized he had to be fucking 100% all-in and serious, and he went to Thailand, learned Muay Thai, realized he had some holes in his striking game, and patched them all. 0.50

00:58:38.000 I feel like I would go to Thailand to do Muay Thai and then I'd spend one day at the beach and be like, I'll be there tomorrow. 0.95

00:58:47.000 You'd have to do some sort of like a camp.

00:58:49.000 No, I really like to.

00:58:49.000 I'll probably go back and do it again.

00:58:51.000 You gotta be careful about concussions though.

00:58:53.000 They're not fun.

00:58:54.000 I'm just gonna do it for fun and not so...

00:58:56.000 I was like training to do a fight at one point and like try to compete and now I'm like, I just want to do it and kind of work out.

00:59:03.000 That's what's good about jiu-jitsu.

00:59:05.000 There's much less of that.

00:59:06.000 You occasionally bang heads and get a knee in the face accidentally.

00:59:10.000 Selfishly. 1.00

00:59:11.000 I was like, please don't get a concussion, bitch. 1.00

00:59:12.000 The podcast will be shit if you can't think. 1.00

00:59:14.000 Maybe it'd be better. 1.00

00:59:16.000 Maybe it should be more reckless.

00:59:17.000 She comes in speaking in a different accent like someone after a stroke.

00:59:23.000 Lindsay Lohan in Dubai.

00:59:25.000 She comes and she can count in Chinese.

00:59:27.000 Like all of a sudden out of nowhere.

00:59:29.000 That is crazy when that happens to people.

00:59:31.000 Yeah, they get struck by lightning, like that John Travolta movie.

00:59:35.000 Do you remember that movie? 1.00

00:59:36.000 Oh, fuck. 1.00

00:59:37.000 Baby geniuses? 1.00

00:59:40.000 Phenomenon?

00:59:41.000 Something like that, right?

00:59:42.000 With an outer.

00:59:43.000 What was it?

00:59:44.000 Could he read minds or something afterwards?

00:59:45.000 Yeah, no, he had like superpowers.

00:59:47.000 Phenomenon.

00:59:47.000 Yeah, something happened.

00:59:48.000 Yeah, he became like an angel or some shit. 0.54

00:59:49.000 There's two movies. 0.98

00:59:51.000 There's Michael where he's the angel?

00:59:53.000 I was thinking of both of them. 0.99

00:59:56.000 I can buy these two silly movies. 0.92

00:59:59.000 That's what people should do, movie hybrids. 0.79

01:00:02.000 Yeah, that's like Alien vs.

01:00:04.000 Predator.

01:00:05.000 Yeah.

01:00:06.000 So the one where he got electrocuted, what kind of powers?

01:00:10.000 Oh, he became super smart, right?

01:00:12.000 I think he was like a regular dude, and then he got electrocuted.

01:00:14.000 And then he was in a bubble.

01:00:15.000 Remember the bubble boys?

01:00:17.000 They came out the same year, that's probably why.

01:00:19.000 Phenomenon and Michael?

01:00:21.000 In 96, they both came out.

01:00:22.000 96. So what was the story of Phenomenon?

01:00:25.000 He became super smart, right?

01:00:26.000 Is that the premise?

01:00:27.000 I think he had powers of some kind.

01:00:28.000 I think there were powers and super smart.

01:00:29.000 He was a flash of light.

01:00:31.000 But he got hit by a lightning.

01:00:34.000 Doesn't say it?

01:00:34.000 He becomes a genius.

01:00:36.000 He's exhibit extraordinary mental abilities.

01:00:38.000 He becomes a genius.

01:00:39.000 This is what everybody wants.

01:00:40.000 Nobody wants to work really hard to be a genius.

01:00:42.000 Everybody wants to just get hit by lightning.

01:00:44.000 This was my mom's favorite movie when I was a kid.

01:00:48.000 For people who lived in the 90s, this is the perfect movie.

01:00:50.000 I have never seen or heard of this movie.

01:00:52.000 This is my mom's favorite movie when I was a kid.

01:00:54.000 My mom's was Titanic.

01:00:55.000 You got a beautiful handsome man who's kind of, you know, nothing's really good happening to him.

01:01:01.000 You know, it's kind of boring.

01:01:03.000 All of a sudden he gets hit by lightning.

01:01:05.000 He's a genius.

01:01:08.000 Not the lightning coming slowly at him.

01:01:11.000 That was the slowest lightning.

01:01:13.000 Did you hear a noise?

01:01:13.000 Did you hear it?

01:01:14.000 The man's inebriated.

01:01:15.000 I'm not drunk.

01:01:17.000 Can't sleep.

01:01:18.000 And you?

01:01:19.000 What's happening here, George?

01:01:21.000 Not the dog.

01:01:22.000 Oh, it's the best movie of all time.

01:01:23.000 Keep it going.

01:01:24.000 Keep it going.

01:01:24.000 We should get barbecued and watch this.

01:01:28.000 Yes!

01:01:28.000 And do like a fight companion.

01:01:29.000 Yeah!

01:01:30.000 And we break down this movie phenomenon.

01:01:33.000 Yes!

01:01:34.000 So I think they're saying, like, the aliens gave him a blast.

01:01:37.000 Is that what it looked like?

01:01:39.000 Yeah, because I feel like the same time, too.

01:01:41.000 Yeah, Fire in the Sky came around this time, too.

01:01:44.000 Oh, they were trying to do aliens.

01:01:45.000 Fire in the Sky is about this guy.

01:01:47.000 This is Travis Walton.

01:01:49.000 Do you know the story of Fire in the Sky?

01:01:51.000 No.

01:01:51.000 Wait.

01:01:52.000 No, but I didn't expect the bubble when I turned back.

01:01:54.000 I didn't either.

01:01:54.000 He gave it to me.

01:01:55.000 He gave it to me.

01:01:56.000 He gave it to me.

01:01:57.000 It was a gift.

01:01:57.000 That's crazy.

01:01:58.000 It was a gift.

01:01:59.000 Thank you, Trevor.

01:02:00.000 It sits right here.

01:02:01.000 Firing this guy was amazing.

01:02:03.000 What the hell is happening?

01:02:04.000 Well, it's this man's story.

01:02:06.000 The real Travis Walton came in the podcast and told us a story when he was a In his early 20s, he was a logger, and they were going down this road, and they saw this thing.

01:02:17.000 They don't know what it is, this bright light that came and landed near where the road was.

01:02:24.000 And so they got out of the car, they stopped the car, and Travis, I guess he was kind of a wild man, he ran towards the thing.

01:02:31.000 What?

01:02:32.000 He got towards the thing, and they all said there was some burst of light, he fell to the ground, and then they panicked.

01:02:40.000 No!

01:02:40.000 Hold on, they panicked.

01:02:41.000 They took off.

01:02:42.000 They drive off, and then they start screaming in the car, we can't fucking leave, we gotta go back, we gotta go back and get him. 0.88

01:02:48.000 Let's go back and get him. 0.74

01:02:49.000 They turn around, they go back, he's gone.

01:02:52.000 He's missing for five days.

01:02:54.000 Five days later, he makes a phone call to the police.

01:02:58.000 He says, I don't know what happened.

01:03:01.000 He tries to explain. 0.99

01:03:03.000 He gets abducted by a fucking UFO and they fix him. 0.99

01:03:07.000 Whatever happened to him when he got hit by this blast of energy, he says that they realized he was going to die. 0.99

01:03:14.000 So they took him aboard and they repaired him.

01:03:17.000 I like that.

01:03:18.000 And then they brought him back. 0.99

01:03:19.000 It is a fucking wild story, if it's true. 0.98

01:03:23.000 And this movie was kind of fun. 0.99

01:03:26.000 Whoa, I want to see this movie. 1.00

01:03:27.000 But the movie's got a lot of shit in it. 1.00

01:03:29.000 It's not real. 1.00

01:03:29.000 It keeps kind of explaining. 1.00

01:03:31.000 But for the most part, they kind of got the story right.

01:03:34.000 And by the way, there was multiple sightings of UFOs in this area.

01:03:39.000 What area was it?

01:03:40.000 Where was it?

01:03:41.000 Exactly.

01:03:45.000 The whole story is so fun.

01:03:46.000 I want to believe it so bad.

01:03:48.000 I mean, the guy had the same story forever.

01:03:51.000 He hasn't changed it.

01:03:52.000 And that's always interesting to me, that this person would tell this story their whole life.

01:03:56.000 I mean, here he was now.

01:03:57.000 He was in this...

01:03:59.000 Okay, White Mountains, Northeastern Arizona. 0.70

01:04:01.000 Arizona, that makes sense because that's all those, like, portals, the energy portals and shit there. 0.84

01:04:05.000 Right? 0.94

01:04:06.000 Those.

01:04:06.000 Who really knows about those?

01:04:08.000 Right?

01:04:09.000 Do people know about those?

01:04:10.000 In Sedona, there's vortexes. 1.00

01:04:11.000 We ran into some fucking weird shit in Arizona. 1.00

01:04:14.000 Oh! 1.00

01:04:15.000 We ran into this place.

01:04:18.000 We drove by it.

01:04:19.000 You girls are doing acid four out of five days. 1.00

01:04:21.000 No. 1.00

01:04:21.000 You could run into weird shit at Wendy's. 1.00

01:04:24.000 No, no, no. 1.00

01:04:28.000 We did think we ran into Bono at In-N-Out once.

01:04:31.000 Remember what I did?

01:04:33.000 Yeah, you asked for a picture.

01:04:35.000 Okay, first of all, I thought it was Bono for sure. 1.00

01:04:38.000 She was trying to fuck this fake Bono. 0.99

01:04:41.000 The Bono impersonator at In-N-Out really got me. 1.00

01:04:45.000 I go, Kim, sit down.

01:04:46.000 Bono's coming.

01:04:47.000 She's yelling at me to behave.

01:04:49.000 How close was it?

01:04:49.000 Like eight out of ten?

01:04:50.000 It was close.

01:04:51.000 We had a picture.

01:04:53.000 I hope not.

01:04:54.000 Have you ever seen Chinese Elon Musk?

01:04:56.000 No, but I want to.

01:04:58.000 It's amazing.

01:04:59.000 It's amazing.

01:04:59.000 Chi-Long Musk.

01:05:00.000 It's like if they really cloned him and they added some sort of dominant Chinese DNA. Is it a real person?

01:05:07.000 Look at this.

01:05:09.000 No!

01:05:10.000 Jamie, how did you do that?

01:05:11.000 With a fake Bono at In-N-Out.

01:05:13.000 That guy, you thought that guy was Bono?

01:05:15.000 I was very high.

01:05:17.000 Oh my God.

01:05:18.000 Look at Sarah.

01:05:19.000 He's trying to look like him though a little bit.

01:05:20.000 He's trying.

01:05:20.000 Is he really?

01:05:21.000 Sarah has love in her eyes too.

01:05:23.000 Is he a musician as well?

01:05:24.000 Yeah, that'd be hilarious.

01:05:26.000 What we're saying is embarrassing.

01:05:26.000 Look at the people behind us laughing at us.

01:05:28.000 Yeah, let's kill it. 1.00

01:05:28.000 Kill it. 1.00

01:05:29.000 This is embarrassing. 1.00

01:05:31.000 I'm embarrassed for them.

01:05:32.000 You think that's bad.

01:05:35.000 Fake Bono.

01:05:36.000 That's the tip of the iceberg, ladies. 0.85

01:05:38.000 Fake Bono?

01:05:39.000 Sometimes you get got by a fake Bono.

01:05:40.000 And sometimes you start telling fake Bono about your projects.

01:05:45.000 Do not bring up the audio.

01:05:47.000 I'll cut it.

01:05:48.000 Your projects.

01:05:49.000 Well, what I'm working on now.

01:05:51.000 Listen, we just did this thing called stone science where we get high and we do science experiments.

01:05:55.000 We're high right now.

01:05:56.000 That is a uniquely LA experience.

01:05:58.000 When you talk to someone and then they immediately tell you their projects they're working on.

01:06:05.000 We wanted Bono to do a science experiment with us.

01:06:08.000 We weren't bragging.

01:06:10.000 We wanted to bring a monster.

01:06:11.000 We had a genius idea while we were having a wild style fry.

01:06:16.000 What do they call them?

01:06:17.000 Animal style.

01:06:18.000 Animal style.

01:06:19.000 Not wild style.

01:06:23.000 When you meet somebody though, how many times do you meet somebody and they tell you all the stuff they're doing?

01:06:27.000 So much that I don't even go there.

01:06:31.000 It's like wasted time before we get to talk.

01:06:33.000 It'll make you not friendly.

01:06:35.000 Hi, I have an agent.

01:06:36.000 It's like, what?

01:06:37.000 We just met.

01:06:38.000 People literally say the words, what are you working on to me?

01:06:42.000 Every week.

01:06:42.000 And I'm like, what do you mean?

01:06:44.000 Because they're all obsessed.

01:06:45.000 I'm like, but imagine.

01:06:46.000 It's like, I want to go through the things I'm working on.

01:06:48.000 A checklist of the things I'm working on with you.

01:06:51.000 Yeah.

01:06:51.000 It's a weird thing to say.

01:06:52.000 It is.

01:06:53.000 And I'm embarrassed.

01:06:54.000 I brought it up to fake Bono, actually.

01:06:57.000 Yeah, well, you didn't know what to do.

01:06:59.000 You panicked.

01:06:59.000 I panicked.

01:07:00.000 And let me tell you.

01:07:01.000 Did you know he was fake Bono at that point?

01:07:03.000 No.

01:07:04.000 We were high off our minds.

01:07:05.000 You're right.

01:07:05.000 I thought that was real Bono.

01:07:07.000 Wait a minute.

01:07:07.000 After talking to him?

01:07:09.000 Is that real Bono?

01:07:10.000 It kind of looks like.

01:07:10.000 That's real Bono.

01:07:11.000 That looked like fake Bono.

01:07:12.000 Yep.

01:07:13.000 Can we bring up a side to side?

01:07:14.000 Fake Bono looks better.

01:07:15.000 That's what my mom said.

01:07:16.000 Imagine.

01:07:17.000 My mom looks at fake Bono and goes, fake Bono's nose is nicer than real Bono's nose.

01:07:22.000 This looks like the guy at In-N-Out to me.

01:07:24.000 Real Bono's way older than that guy.

01:07:26.000 Yeah, Real Bono.

01:07:27.000 Looks rough.

01:07:28.000 I was bringing this up.

01:07:29.000 They're touring that new sphere in Vegas.

01:07:31.000 Oh my god.

01:07:33.000 I love watching their shows from the 90s.

01:07:36.000 Do you know what this sphere in Vegas, do you guys know what this is?

01:07:39.000 No.

01:07:39.000 They're going to be able to do the whole thing in LEDs.

01:07:43.000 So the entire sphere, the inside of it, there's all these visuals and maps and everything. 0.90

01:07:49.000 It's fucking amazing. 0.97

01:07:52.000 Wow. 0.98

01:07:52.000 That's what they're going to be able to do in there. 0.98

01:07:54.000 Wow.

01:07:56.000 Yeah, it's great.

01:07:57.000 This is like one of the biggest entertainment projects that any company's ever taken on.

01:08:04.000 Like, this is nuts.

01:08:06.000 This thing is really nuts.

01:08:07.000 So when is it opening?

01:08:09.000 Later this year, like in the fall, I think they've already announced some of the dates for their show.

01:08:12.000 That's why they're starting to sort of show stuff.

01:08:13.000 I want to go see you two in Vegas! 1.00

01:08:16.000 What does it cost to run a fucking show? 0.99

01:08:19.000 The lights for the whole building like that? 1.00

01:08:22.000 The walls?

01:08:23.000 That has to be insane overhead.

01:08:26.000 Insane.

01:08:27.000 Insane.

01:08:28.000 Just to turn everything on.

01:08:29.000 Yeah, if I leave the lights on for two days, it's insane.

01:08:32.000 So I can't even imagine at the sphere.

01:08:34.000 They're going to have up to four shows a day, too.

01:08:37.000 And how good is the software?

01:08:39.000 Oh my god. 0.99

01:08:40.000 What if it's like fucking Windows 98? 1.00

01:08:43.000 What if it's crashing and shit? 0.99

01:08:46.000 What if it overheats? 0.99

01:08:47.000 Look at it!

01:08:48.000 The outside is also LEDs.

01:08:50.000 Isn't that amazing?

01:08:51.000 No, that's so cool.

01:08:52.000 Wait, so- The outside is LEDs.

01:08:54.000 That is amazing.

01:08:56.000 Four shows a night? 1.00

01:08:59.000 It's going to look like the fucking earth! 1.00

01:09:01.000 Wow! 0.99

01:09:01.000 I think this is definitely rendering, but they should be able to make it look like the earth. 0.99

01:09:05.000 Oh my god, if they can make it look like the earth, I'm going to move to Vegas.

01:09:09.000 I just want to stare at it.

01:09:10.000 Yeah, same!

01:09:13.000 Same!

01:09:13.000 I want to have the experience.

01:09:15.000 Yeah, that's wild.

01:09:17.000 Did you watch that Elvis movie?

01:09:18.000 I did.

01:09:19.000 That was sad.

01:09:20.000 It made me sad.

01:09:21.000 It made me feel bad for Elvis.

01:09:22.000 Yeah, well, it was sad.

01:09:25.000 They're like shooting him up with drugs so he could keep going.

01:09:28.000 The real Elvis was sad in a lot of ways.

01:09:30.000 But it's also, he was traveling down a road where there was no map.

01:09:34.000 That's true.

01:09:35.000 There was no people that were that famous back then.

01:09:38.000 No.

01:09:38.000 There was him, and then there was the Beatles, and there was a few before the Buddy Hollies, and there's some people that got pretty famous.

01:09:46.000 You know?

01:09:47.000 But they didn't get that famous.

01:09:49.000 That was crazy famous.

01:09:51.000 Weirdly famous.

01:09:52.000 Weirdly famous.

01:09:53.000 Yeah, he got to that...

01:09:55.000 When he did that comeback special, and he's on stage, and there's the intimate audience with people, and people got to see the real Elvis, and then America fell in love with him again.

01:10:05.000 Like, that guy.

01:10:07.000 That guy was living in a very strange frequency that very few human beings ever get to exist in.

01:10:16.000 Yeah.

01:10:16.000 And no one had done it before.

01:10:18.000 Yeah, and when he first came out, people were like, this man's gyrating.

01:10:21.000 This is XXX stuff.

01:10:23.000 And it's so funny.

01:10:25.000 Well, you've got to realize that television didn't even get invented until, like, what was it, 1930?

01:10:31.000 What was it?

01:10:32.000 What was the first television?

01:10:35.000 We're going to find it.

01:10:36.000 Everyone didn't have them at home at first.

01:10:38.000 What was the first one that they invented?

01:10:41.000 A lot of people didn't have them for a long-ass time.

01:10:44.000 1941. 1941, okay.

01:10:45.000 Well, that was the first commercial television.

01:10:46.000 Oh, that's not correct.

01:10:47.000 The first commercial television, like you can buy?

01:10:50.000 That's the first television commercial.

01:10:52.000 Oh, television commercial.

01:10:54.000 Oh, they figured out how to make money. 1.00

01:10:55.000 At the beginning, they were just broadcasting shit. 0.99

01:10:58.000 We're going to do a play with puppets. 0.99

01:11:00.000 They could do anything back then.

01:11:02.000 No one knew what was good or bad.

01:11:03.000 It was all new.

01:11:05.000 People would watch some of the dumbest things just because they were just like, I can't believe there's moving things in front of me. 0.98

01:11:11.000 Yeah, that's crazy. 0.96

01:11:12.000 People watch some really dumb stuff, and then they figured out that it looked kind of dumb, and then they started getting better at that. 0.90

01:11:18.000 But all that stuff is so recent.

01:11:21.000 So if they did that in the 1930s and 40s, like the first TVs from 41, by the time...

01:11:27.000 That was it?

01:11:28.000 It was in the 30s, it sounded like...

01:11:29.000 I'm looking at...

01:11:30.000 It's telling me that on the Wikipedia, they had stuff going back into the 1800s.

01:11:33.000 I'm like, well, what... 0.99

01:11:34.000 What the fuck are you talking about? 0.99

01:11:35.000 You mean commercials in general? 1.00

01:11:37.000 No, I mean television. 1.00

01:11:38.000 Boxes that have cathode ray tubes and shit. 0.97

01:11:40.000 The thing that happened with Elvis is this is the first guy ever that is... 0.99

01:11:46.000 You're wearing Elvis.

01:11:47.000 Yeah.

01:11:48.000 I didn't even notice it until right now.

01:11:50.000 Roots of Fight.

01:11:51.000 Get it before they sell out.

01:11:53.000 But that thing about Elvis is that there was no media before him, right?

01:11:58.000 So when you're dealing with 10 years before that, 20 years before that, you don't have it.

01:12:03.000 There's no TV. There's no Ed Sullivan show.

01:12:05.000 There's no nothing.

01:12:06.000 So now all of a sudden there is. 0.99

01:12:07.000 And now all of a sudden this guy is on TV singing these songs and he's got this fucking perfect hair and he's wiggling his hips and everybody goes fucking crazy! 0.99

01:12:15.000 This is so new. 0.99

01:12:17.000 This is so new.

01:12:19.000 They're like, this is sexual. 0.97

01:12:21.000 It's so new to everybody except black people because he's hanging out with them and that's where he learned everything. 0.96

01:12:26.000 That was part of the problem too. 0.62

01:12:27.000 He's like, that's my cousins dance!

01:12:30.000 Hey! 0.99

01:12:31.000 My cousin taught him that!

01:12:34.000 He didn't know what to do.

01:12:36.000 The pills probably helped him alleviate his anxiety and they probably kept feeding him the pills because he'll keep performing if you keep feeding him the pills and he's caught.

01:12:47.000 And then when people...

01:12:49.000 How would they even clean someone up back then?

01:12:51.000 How do you clean up Elvis?

01:12:53.000 Are you going to tell him you got to clean up?

01:12:54.000 Well, remember, they couldn't because he had that residency and his manager didn't want him to stop performing either.

01:13:00.000 So that guy was working against him too, which I did not like.

01:13:03.000 Well, that's...

01:13:04.000 Well, that guy was a gambling chunky, right?

01:13:05.000 Yeah.

01:13:06.000 Yeah, that was...

01:13:07.000 I don't know how much of the story is embellished in the movie, but the story they tell in the movie is like, wow.

01:13:13.000 Whoa.

01:13:13.000 And I can't even look at Tom Hanks the same way ever since he played...

01:13:16.000 He's amazing.

01:13:17.000 Yeah, he played amazing.

01:13:18.000 He's amazing at being that creepy old dude.

01:13:20.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:13:20.000 He killed it. 0.99

01:13:21.000 Tom Hanks is one of those actors that can be anybody.

01:13:23.000 Yeah, there's a few of those guys out there and gals. 1.00

01:13:27.000 When you watch that movie, though, you got to think, like, Michael Jackson is kind of a similar story.

01:13:31.000 Yeah.

01:13:32.000 But even weirder.

01:13:33.000 Because Michael Jackson cracks when he's, like, six or seven.

01:13:37.000 Like, how old was he when they were singing ABC? How old was that?

01:13:42.000 Young.

01:13:42.000 And he was a baby.

01:13:43.000 He was under ten, right?

01:13:45.000 Definitely.

01:13:45.000 I don't know.

01:13:46.000 See, pull that up. 0.99

01:13:48.000 Pull...

01:13:49.000 The Jackson 5 ABC. 1970. Okay.

01:13:54.000 So, Elvis had already existed, right?

01:13:57.000 And you already have big bands.

01:13:59.000 There's Led Zeppelin.

01:14:00.000 There's a lot of very, very, very, very famous people.

01:14:03.000 But then there's Michael Jackson. 0.91

01:14:04.000 This may be so ignorant, but it's so wild to me that Elvis and Led Zeppelin are in the same... 0.98

01:14:17.000 He's so little! 0.88

01:14:18.000 He's a baby.

01:14:19.000 You say he's 11 or 12?

01:14:21.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:14:22.000 I mean, come on.

01:14:30.000 He's so cute!

01:14:43.000 Look at him.

01:14:45.000 Her dad's in the background like holding a belt.

01:14:47.000 He finished the song.

01:14:49.000 You gotta realize, those are all...

01:14:51.000 Keep it going, bro.

01:14:53.000 You gotta realize, are we getting in trouble?

01:14:55.000 No.

01:14:56.000 Is it gonna be copywriters, one of those things?

01:14:59.000 Okay, okay.

01:15:01.000 When that young man was singing in front of his older brothers, you know how crazy that is? 0.99

01:15:07.000 You got all these older competitive brothers that have been in show business their whole life, and all of a sudden this young motherfucker is kissed by God and has this thing where he can just fucking dance and sing and it's so compelling. 0.99

01:15:22.000 Could you imagine being in a family band? 0.99

01:15:25.000 And being the star.

01:15:26.000 And being the star.

01:15:27.000 It probably made him feel a little weird.

01:15:30.000 It had to be weird.

01:15:31.000 I mean, it had to be weird if you're like a regular person, and you got a person like your brother or your sister, and they can do the same thing that everybody in the whole family is doing, but they just do it better than everybody.

01:15:44.000 Yeah.

01:15:44.000 Like, how?

01:15:45.000 Where's that coming from?

01:15:46.000 It's crazy.

01:15:50.000 He's so little.

01:15:52.000 Come on, it's adorable.

01:15:53.000 It is really cute.

01:16:01.000 Look, he's got gold rings on.

01:16:02.000 Incredible.

01:16:03.000 Look at him dancing.

01:16:05.000 Wow.

01:16:05.000 It was amazing.

01:16:06.000 He was an amazing talent.

01:16:07.000 And then he became like Elvis.

01:16:12.000 Like, too unmanageable.

01:16:16.000 Unmanageable fame.

01:16:18.000 Yeah.

01:16:20.000 I like the videos of whenever people jump on stage with him and then he just lets it happen.

01:16:25.000 Michael Jackson does?

01:16:26.000 Yeah, the Chinese dude that jumps on stage and he holds him and lifts him up into the air.

01:16:32.000 That might have been a setup.

01:16:34.000 I don't think the security is going to allow some guy to just grab Michael Jackson and carry him on.

01:16:39.000 It seems like people slip through.

01:16:40.000 I don't know, this is crazy.

01:16:41.000 Is this real?

01:16:42.000 I don't know how he would get up there.

01:16:44.000 I think they lowered the crane for a minute and the fan jumps on this guy.

01:16:49.000 Maybe it's in China or something.

01:16:52.000 Or in Japan.

01:16:54.000 Is it Japanese?

01:16:55.000 Look at that man.

01:16:56.000 He's having the time of his life.

01:16:58.000 Where is this taking place?

01:17:01.000 Michael's holding on to him tight.

01:17:03.000 Oh, it's in Korea.

01:17:04.000 So he's Korean.

01:17:05.000 Korean, yes.

01:17:06.000 So this is just a fan?

01:17:09.000 I mean, it looks like they're in a relationship.

01:17:13.000 He's probably in a basement right now working for Samsung.

01:17:16.000 Chained to the wall.

01:17:18.000 No, no.

01:17:20.000 What did you do?

01:17:22.000 Look how happy he is.

01:17:23.000 He's super happy.

01:17:24.000 This is the best moment of his life.

01:17:27.000 The security who's about to get fired? 1.00

01:17:30.000 They need to get fucked up. 1.00

01:17:31.000 So look, they just grab the guy and maul him now. 1.00

01:17:34.000 Wait, wait, wait, why, why, why, why?

01:17:36.000 I know, they obviously have a maul.

01:17:38.000 Because they know they're in trouble.

01:17:39.000 And they have to double down on him.

01:17:41.000 That's real. 0.99

01:17:42.000 That seems real as fuck. 0.99

01:17:43.000 He handled it. 0.99

01:17:44.000 Probably sung the whole time.

01:17:45.000 Mm-hmm.

01:17:47.000 I wish you weren't on here with me.

01:17:48.000 Didn't miss a note.

01:17:49.000 Yeah.

01:17:50.000 But that guy, he got into that weird stratosphere.

01:17:54.000 I don't want to repeat Tony Hinchcliffe's joke, but he got so good that people didn't care about the allegations against him.

01:18:05.000 That's how good, people still listen to his music.

01:18:08.000 There's a lot of people that have like, R. Kelly's off the playlist.

01:18:11.000 They let him go.

01:18:11.000 Dude, Woody Allen.

01:18:13.000 Yeah, he's another one.

01:18:14.000 People are just like, it's cool.

01:18:15.000 And I'm like...

01:18:16.000 They did his movies.

01:18:18.000 The movies won.

01:18:20.000 Isn't that crazy?

01:18:20.000 The art was so good.

01:18:22.000 When the movies are good, the movies are good, sweetie.

01:18:25.000 I don't know what to tell you.

01:18:26.000 Yeah, it's a very specific...

01:18:28.000 Annie Hall?

01:18:30.000 Oh my god, he had some amazing movies.

01:18:32.000 Yeah.

01:18:33.000 He had some great movies.

01:18:35.000 It's just a wild boy.

01:18:37.000 Not a wild boy.

01:18:41.000 Oh, yeah.

01:18:42.000 I don't know what to say, you know, about that.

01:18:47.000 Do it a little later.

01:18:47.000 I do.

01:18:48.000 Can I see it? 1.00

01:18:51.000 Fuck, dude. 1.00

01:18:52.000 Chick, it's crazy. 1.00

01:18:53.000 Shit does get crazy. 1.00

01:18:54.000 What a terrible segue that is though. 1.00

01:18:56.000 It's like if you're on stage and you try out a new joke. 1.00

01:18:59.000 Shit gets crazy. 0.99

01:19:00.000 I can bring it back to this. 1.00

01:19:01.000 Oh, Chimp Empire. 1.00

01:19:03.000 It's because no matter what you say about Michael Jackson, it always ends with, well, the music was good.

01:19:08.000 It's sad. 0.99

01:19:09.000 It's a fucking terrible, sad story over life. 1.00

01:19:12.000 But the impact that he had on so many fucking people. 1.00

01:19:15.000 But this, the camera work. 0.99

01:19:17.000 This is what I don't understand.

01:19:19.000 How did they do this?

01:19:20.000 Wait, I want to see this.

01:19:22.000 How am I seeing this?

01:19:23.000 It's so clear.

01:19:24.000 That's what's crazy.

01:19:25.000 I don't know where they were.

01:19:27.000 I don't know how they captured it, but they captured everything.

01:19:31.000 It's incredible.

01:19:33.000 It's so good.

01:19:34.000 This documentary is so good.

01:19:36.000 It's a series.

01:19:36.000 I don't know how many episodes.

01:19:38.000 I'm four in, I think.

01:19:39.000 I'm watching this tonight.

01:19:42.000 It's so good.

01:19:44.000 It's so compelling.

01:19:46.000 So do they seem like little humans?

01:19:48.000 It came out on your birthday, Shank.

01:19:49.000 I know.

01:19:50.000 Well, there's certainly, you know, we share a common ancestor, and you can see that in a lot of their behavior, but they're fascinating.

01:19:59.000 Forget about whether or not they're like us.

01:20:01.000 Just they are absolutely fascinating.

01:20:04.000 They're social hierarchies.

01:20:06.000 They wage war on each other.

01:20:08.000 They control resources.

01:20:09.000 They control where certain bands of them are not allowed to grow into this area because it's their fruit.

01:20:14.000 Are all those parts of them also like us?

01:20:17.000 Yes!

01:20:18.000 A lot like us.

01:20:19.000 A lot like us.

01:20:20.000 My psychiatrist references monkeys all the time and primates.

01:20:24.000 So these guys were out there just hanging out with them until the chimps got comfortable with them?

01:20:30.000 Is that what they did?

01:20:31.000 Yeah, they're walking through there with all sorts of cameras and drones.

01:20:34.000 That is so crazy.

01:20:35.000 They might have stopped that meal because they ate a lot of monkeys.

01:20:38.000 That's one thing about this documentary.

01:20:40.000 What?

01:20:41.000 Yeah, they eat monkeys. 0.86

01:20:43.000 What?

01:20:44.000 They love to eat monkeys.

01:20:45.000 They catch them all the time.

01:20:46.000 This is like the Chow's. 0.85

01:20:47.000 In like three episodes, they'd killed at least two or three monkeys.

01:20:51.000 No way.

01:20:51.000 Oh yeah, they kill monkeys every time they can.

01:20:53.000 Chimps kill monkeys?

01:20:54.000 That would be traumatic to watch.

01:20:55.000 All the time.

01:20:55.000 This is just wild that these people are out there with these chimps.

01:20:58.000 They had a video of a cameraman getting dragged by a gorilla into the woods.

01:21:03.000 It wasn't even a cameraman, I don't think, right?

01:21:04.000 It wasn't?

01:21:05.000 Was it?

01:21:06.000 I don't know.

01:21:07.000 It was something like that, though. 1.00

01:21:08.000 This is some Jane Goodall shit. 0.99

01:21:10.000 Yeah, like a film crew. 0.99

01:21:13.000 Yeah, I want to watch this for sure.

01:21:15.000 This is wild.

01:21:16.000 It's incredible.

01:21:17.000 Smoke a blunt and watch some chimps.

01:21:19.000 The footage they got is the most insane footage I've ever seen anybody capture of wildlife.

01:21:25.000 The fact that these chimpanzees got so comfortable with them and watched as they waged war on each other.

01:21:32.000 These guys like moved around with them and they let them move around with them.

01:21:36.000 They didn't see them as a threat. 0.99

01:21:37.000 They didn't see them as their friend and they did all their normal chimpanzee shit. 1.00

01:21:43.000 This is like that movie they did with those animals. 0.99

01:21:46.000 What was it?

01:21:46.000 They put all the different species of animals together and Tippi Hendren was in it.

01:21:54.000 What movie are you talking about?

01:21:55.000 Tippi Hendren was in it and they put a bunch of the staff died and it's the reason...

01:22:01.000 Oh, the lion movie!

01:22:02.000 That's right!

01:22:04.000 We were going to have a fight companion to Roar.

01:22:08.000 The first time I saw that, I was on Mushrooms. 0.99

01:22:10.000 Oh my god, it's supposed to be the dumbest movie ever. 1.00

01:22:12.000 It is. 1.00

01:22:13.000 It's crazy.

01:22:14.000 And they used real cats.

01:22:15.000 And she had them in her house, Tippi Hedren.

01:22:17.000 You can find videos in the 60s of her with the cats.

01:22:21.000 This is crazy. 1.00

01:22:22.000 These people are out of their fucking minds. 1.00

01:22:24.000 Oh, hell no. 1.00

01:22:25.000 Absolutely not. 1.00

01:22:26.000 Out of their fucking minds. 1.00

01:22:29.000 Yeah, we're just sleeping nice and comfortable while our cats, who never get to kill anything, but desperately want to, don't kill us. 1.00

01:22:35.000 How did the cats...

01:22:36.000 No, this was the craziest movie to watch. 0.98

01:22:39.000 This is so dumb, that they did this movie with real cats, and they got out there and brawled with real cats. 0.99

01:22:44.000 No animals were harmed in the making of this film. 0.99

01:22:46.000 70 members of the cast and crew were.

01:22:48.000 I think hundreds of animals died, by the way.

01:22:50.000 70. 70 people got bit by big cats.

01:22:53.000 Oh, my God.

01:22:53.000 How many people died?

01:22:54.000 I think a couple died.

01:22:56.000 Had to have.

01:22:57.000 A couple and a lot of animals. 0.98

01:22:59.000 Yeah, if no one died, the story sucks. 0.79

01:23:02.000 No, people died. 0.97

01:23:03.000 People died, and she says that she thinks she lost her earring because of it.

01:23:07.000 Bad karma.

01:23:09.000 Bad karma.

01:23:09.000 Because people died?

01:23:10.000 Yeah, my friend.

01:23:11.000 She had hearing loss because of karma?

01:23:14.000 That's a Tippi set. 0.53

01:23:15.000 Maybe just went deaf. 0.93

01:23:17.000 That's a thing a woman named Tippi would say. 1.00

01:23:20.000 Yeah, right?

01:23:21.000 There's these photos of Tippi's house and inside she has the lions just at home.

01:23:26.000 In her mid-century modern living room.

01:23:29.000 It's crazy.

01:23:30.000 Dude.

01:23:30.000 What are you doing?

01:23:32.000 What the fuck are you doing? 1.00

01:23:33.000 How do you even live comfortably? 1.00

01:23:35.000 I don't think you really do.

01:23:36.000 I think you like the fear.

01:23:38.000 There's something about those kind of people that they like knowing that the animals listen to them even though they don't have to.

01:23:45.000 I guess, but it's just like it's a gamble that you can only lose once.

01:23:51.000 Like you can have a dog and the dog can grouch or maybe even bite you, but it's not probably going to kill you.

01:23:57.000 Right. 1.00

01:23:58.000 Most likely your dog's not going to kill you unless you're a real piece of shit. 1.00

01:24:01.000 Right. 1.00

01:24:02.000 You beat your dog constantly or something.

01:24:03.000 Right.

01:24:03.000 Some crazy...

01:24:05.000 You know, beast of a dog. 0.97

01:24:06.000 Right. 0.54

01:24:07.000 But most of the time, they're just gonna bite you.

01:24:09.000 Right.

01:24:09.000 I don't think anybody died.

01:24:11.000 No? 1.00

01:24:11.000 Goddamn it. 1.00

01:24:12.000 There was a lot of crazy... 0.99

01:24:13.000 Somebody got scalped.

01:24:15.000 Yeah.

01:24:16.000 Wait, I'm sorry.

01:24:17.000 Scalped seems worse than death.

01:24:21.000 Right?

01:24:22.000 Well, maybe they sewed it back on.

01:24:24.000 They could probably sew it back on.

01:24:26.000 I assumed when I heard scalped it was dead.

01:24:28.000 Ooh.

01:24:29.000 Yeah, that seems like you're gone.

01:24:31.000 220 sutures.

01:24:32.000 Wow.

01:24:33.000 That's just probably like a scratch from a claw. 1.00

01:24:36.000 Probably like, get the fuck out of my face, bitch, with that camera. 1.00

01:24:38.000 He went back to work. 1.00

01:24:39.000 Oh my god, he went back to work.

01:24:40.000 If I got scalped, I would not be going back to work.

01:24:42.000 Do you think they're addicted to being around those things?

01:24:45.000 They're just addicted to the fear and the energy?

01:24:47.000 They like the, yeah, they like that feeling.

01:24:49.000 The adrenaline.

01:24:50.000 The adrenaline, yeah.

01:24:51.000 Do you think you could understand that?

01:24:52.000 Like, do you think you would feel the same way if you were in control of some cat?

01:24:55.000 Like, that's what I, when I was watching Tiger King, Tiger King!

01:24:59.000 Yes!

01:24:59.000 When I was watching Tiger King, I was like, maybe that's fun.

01:25:03.000 Maybe it's fun to have a bunch of big giant-ass cats listen to you. 1.00

01:25:07.000 I don't feel that. 0.77

01:25:08.000 I feel that when I see prison shows, though.

01:25:10.000 I'm like, running in a prison gang would seem fun.

01:25:12.000 Look at this.

01:25:13.000 Most members of the crew were injured.

01:25:16.000 Most, including DeBont, who was scalped by cherries, I guess that's the cat's name, while he was filming under a tarpaulin.

01:25:30.000 He received 220 sutures but resumed his duties after recovering.

01:25:34.000 Togar, one of the lead lions, bit assistant director Darren Copper in the throat and jaw and tried to pull off one of his ears.

01:25:45.000 After Copper unintentionally cued an attack.

01:25:48.000 Feels like we're reading one of Mike Tyson's fights.

01:25:51.000 Oh my god.

01:25:52.000 Copper also received injuries to his scalp, chest, and thigh, and he was admitted to Palmdale General Hospital where he had to undergo four and a half hours of surgery.

01:26:00.000 Although the attack was reported as nearly fatal, a nurse told Santa Cruz Sentinel reporter that Copper's injuries were acute, sudden, and traumatic, but that he was conscious and in fair condition after the surgery. 0.99

01:26:11.000 Holy shit. 0.98

01:26:12.000 20 people quit after that day. 0.99

01:26:14.000 Yeah, after witnessing attacks, 20 crew members left to say, I want to know who didn't leave. 0.99

01:26:19.000 Who's like, this fucking job rules! 0.99

01:26:21.000 Are you kidding me, man? 1.00

01:26:23.000 I saw I got bit. 1.00

01:26:24.000 I'm watching bitches getting scalped. 1.00

01:26:27.000 They let you drink. 1.00

01:26:29.000 Bro, they get benefits.

01:26:31.000 I get time and a half now that everyone's dead.

01:26:35.000 That was a young Tiger King.

01:26:37.000 Wow.

01:26:37.000 Dude, when I was watching Tiger King, I remember thinking, these people are crazy, and I'm watching it, and I'm wearing, at the time, a cheetah robe, cheetah pants.

01:26:46.000 I love a wild cat print.

01:26:50.000 I think that's slightly different in the experience of being around them, but I see where you're going with that.

01:26:54.000 There's like a distant call from it, from the past.

01:26:57.000 I feel like I have a little bit of the mental illness, if you know what I mean.

01:27:00.000 Look, I like The Prince.

01:27:02.000 It wasn't about the tigers.

01:27:04.000 For me, it was about the clothes. 1.00

01:27:06.000 If you were a woman, and you lived like a thousand years ago, and you were wearing some tiger skins, you were a bad bitch. 1.00

01:27:11.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:27:11.000 Somebody gave you some tiger skin. 1.00

01:27:12.000 Someone hunted that tiger for you. 1.00

01:27:14.000 Someone had to go fuck up a tiger for you. 0.99

01:27:15.000 That's true. 0.99

01:27:15.000 Make you a coat. 0.99

01:27:16.000 That's how you show up.

01:27:17.000 You got that good thing. 1.00

01:27:18.000 You got that good pussy. 1.00

01:27:19.000 You saw that. 1.00

01:27:20.000 You got tiger skin pussy. 1.00

01:27:21.000 Flossing on bitches with a tiger robe. 1.00

01:27:24.000 You walk by some girls just wearing goat. 1.00

01:27:25.000 Yeah.

01:27:26.000 You're like, ooh.

01:27:27.000 Yikes! 1.00

01:27:28.000 You're poor. 0.87

01:27:28.000 One session involved a leopard licking Hedren's face, which had been coated in honey. 0.87

01:27:35.000 Hedren considered to be one of the most dangerous scenes she agreed to film, as though handlers were 8 feet 2.4 meters away.

01:27:43.000 They would not have been able to stop the cat from biting her.

01:27:46.000 Oh my god!

01:27:47.000 And the scenes were some of this...

01:27:49.000 Where some of the big cats are shot and killed by hunters, the effect was achieved by filming the animals when they were tranquilized for their annual blood draw. 0.85

01:27:58.000 Oh, so they fuck with these cats and occasionally they shoot them and tranquilize them to draw blood from them. 0.99

01:28:03.000 Dude. 1.00

01:28:04.000 So they're always on high alert.

01:28:05.000 Because every year they get tranked.

01:28:07.000 Every year they get tranked!

01:28:09.000 Not the paranoid lions on set. 0.61

01:28:12.000 Don't trank me! 0.96

01:28:13.000 When I was in Thailand, let me tell you something about Thailand.

01:28:16.000 Oh yeah, tell us.

01:28:17.000 They have these tiger sanctuaries, and there's different kinds of tigers, okay?

01:28:22.000 There's the baby tigers that they actually let you be around, the little baby ones.

01:28:25.000 Okay.

01:28:26.000 So cute.

01:28:26.000 And then there's the slightly older tigers where they let you be around, and there's a bunch of people around them.

01:28:31.000 And everyone's just kind of like, keeping a track of this little motherfucker, don't get crazy. 0.98

01:28:36.000 And then there's tigers that are drugged. 0.99

01:28:39.000 When they get after a certain age, the big ones, they're just drugged.

01:28:43.000 No ifs, ands, or buts about.

01:28:44.000 They're sitting there like this.

01:28:46.000 And you're like, oh no.

01:28:48.000 And then people go in and take pictures with the drugged cats.

01:28:51.000 That's sad.

01:28:52.000 It's like, I get you want a selfie, but this ain't the way to do it.

01:28:56.000 No, that's really bad.

01:28:58.000 Yeah, it was a bummer.

01:29:00.000 That is a bummer.

01:29:01.000 That was a bummer.

01:29:02.000 Only thing more depressing is the fact that Kim's keeping those plants inside her apartment. 0.69

01:29:07.000 Set them outside where they belong, bro.

01:29:08.000 Set them free.

01:29:09.000 Not my prisoner, Monstera.

01:29:11.000 Let them free.

01:29:12.000 I'm going to get canceled for a Monstera.

01:29:14.000 Free the plant!

01:29:16.000 If the whole world becomes a city, what do we do with tigers? 1.00

01:29:20.000 Oh, fuck. 0.99

01:29:22.000 Yeah, if the whole world becomes a city, do they just only exist in zoos? 1.00

01:29:26.000 That is a sad thought.

01:29:27.000 Can you imagine how crazy that would be?

01:29:28.000 I think we...

01:29:29.000 If overpopulation really does hit some insane tipping point with technology where we can just expand, we can make food out of thin air, and everybody's happy.

01:29:39.000 3D prints a hamburger. 0.99

01:29:41.000 Everybody just keeps fucking and keeps shitting out kids, and we just spread them all over the country. 1.00

01:29:46.000 All over the world. 1.00

01:29:48.000 Shitting out kids. 0.99

01:29:49.000 Every patch of land everywhere. 1.00

01:29:50.000 Just sneezing out babies.

01:29:52.000 More kids in Missouri.

01:29:52.000 More kids in Orlando.

01:29:54.000 We realize that once we're connected to the global hive mind, that the more people there are, the smarter we get.

01:29:59.000 So if we could just get more people, the more people we get, we could achieve God status.

01:30:03.000 But we have to have like an extra hundred billion people.

01:30:05.000 But this is my question.

01:30:07.000 Isn't the sperm getting less potent?

01:30:10.000 Is that what you say? 0.98

01:30:11.000 Are you a connoisseur?

01:30:13.000 Are you a sommelier of Steve Haynes? 0.94

01:30:15.000 I say sperm sommelier.

01:30:17.000 I'll let you know.

01:30:18.000 It's like a lot less tangy.

01:30:20.000 A lot less dense these days.

01:30:23.000 Sperms changed, you know. 1.00

01:30:25.000 Tastes a lot less potent these days.

01:30:26.000 I used to date a lot of guys who were into kimchi.

01:30:29.000 Let me tell you.

01:30:31.000 Those days of fermentation.

01:30:32.000 I don't know why the sperm tastes like skim milk now.

01:30:37.000 Skim milk.

01:30:38.000 Skimming skim milk.

01:30:40.000 Yeah, it's not a good time for morale.

01:30:42.000 It's a bad time for sperm.

01:30:43.000 A lot of guys need to join a CrossFit gym.

01:30:46.000 Pineapple juice.

01:30:47.000 We need to get going.

01:30:48.000 Yeah.

01:30:50.000 Yeah, supposedly sperm's dropping. 1.00

01:30:52.000 Yeah, so...

01:30:53.000 But that's supposedly, at least by Dr. Shanna Swan.

01:30:58.000 She wrote a book about it called Countdown.

01:31:02.000 And it's about plastics, microplastics.

01:31:05.000 Yes!

01:31:06.000 BPA's taking away the sperm, okay?

01:31:08.000 Not just that. 1.00

01:31:09.000 It's like, fuck it with people's reproductive systems. 1.00

01:31:12.000 Right. 1.00

01:31:12.000 Great. 1.00

01:31:13.000 Cool, cool, cool.

01:31:14.000 There's some real evidence that point to that's what happens with mammals.

01:31:17.000 You know, it's interesting that the tank gets smaller.

01:31:20.000 That's how they find out that there's some sort of feminizing going on. 0.99

01:31:23.000 Is that in mammals, that's one of the best ways to tell.

01:31:27.000 Like when you're looking at a gerbil, what is that?

01:31:31.000 A gerbil's taint? 1.00

01:31:32.000 Is that a vagina or a penis? 1.00

01:31:33.000 It's so small. 1.00

01:31:34.000 Well, the size of the taint.

01:31:35.000 Because the male taint is 50 to 100% larger than the female's taint. 0.94

01:31:39.000 The gap is wider.

01:31:40.000 You guys have a lot of land over there. 0.97

01:31:43.000 A lot of useless land.

01:31:45.000 Yeah, a lot of free space. 1.00

01:31:46.000 Space is like a guy's dick and his assholes like America. 1.00

01:31:48.000 Wow. 1.00

01:31:50.000 It's a lot of stuff that you could do a lot of things with.

01:31:52.000 You're like, what's this overpopulation when you fly over the Bayer Canyon?

01:31:55.000 Yeah, but it's a location problem.

01:31:56.000 I'm just going to leave everybody here.

01:31:58.000 This is a lot of space.

01:31:59.000 It's not a space issue. 0.99

01:32:01.000 You bitches need to make new cities. 1.00

01:32:03.000 But anyway, it shrinks. 1.00

01:32:05.000 The introduction of these things called phthalates, they somehow or another fuck with the reproductive systems of mammals.

01:32:13.000 And one of the things that happens is that their taints become smaller.

01:32:16.000 The BPA is taking the taint. 0.99

01:32:17.000 The penises become smaller, testicles, sperm count drops. 0.99

01:32:21.000 Let me tell you, I've had some guys with some BPA issues. 0.99

01:32:24.000 Yeah, but it's also with women, there's more miscarriages. 1.00

01:32:27.000 Whoa! 0.71

01:32:27.000 Yeah, with women, it seems like it's harder, like, statistically since your introduction of these things. 0.71

01:32:35.000 It just got real when you said miscarriage.

01:32:37.000 Yeah, because if you go back to when they first started having these petrochemical products and people started having plastic in their world most of the time, there's a correlating, not necessarily causing, but there's a correlating drop in sperm count that goes like this.

01:32:54.000 It's also like culture.

01:32:57.000 It's also hard times make hard men. 0.99

01:32:59.000 These are fucking soft times. 0.99

01:33:01.000 They make soft men. 1.00

01:33:02.000 Soft men make hard times.

01:33:04.000 We're like in that spot.

01:33:06.000 We're in that spot.

01:33:07.000 I'm sick of these soft men making these hard times, Joe.

01:33:09.000 Yeah, please.

01:33:10.000 Can we switch it and reverse it?

01:33:12.000 Hard men, soft times.

01:33:14.000 The problem is these hard men in other parts of the world.

01:33:16.000 That's part of the problem.

01:33:18.000 And they see some of the nonsense that goes on in this country and they're like, these people are ripe for the picking.

01:33:25.000 Let's invent TikTok and captivate the younger audience.

01:33:31.000 But like TikTok in China, like the youth is getting smarter.

01:33:35.000 Their TikTok algorithms are better and ours are just dancing.

01:33:39.000 Yeah, they're celebrating like science achievements and martial arts.

01:33:43.000 They have a different algorithm.

01:33:44.000 Here's my daily routine.

01:33:46.000 I think kids are not allowed to use it at night too.

01:33:48.000 I think it shuts off from like 10 p.m.

01:33:50.000 to 6 a.m.

01:33:51.000 for kids.

01:33:51.000 They tried to add a stem channel to TikTok now to make it seem like anyone's going over there.

01:33:58.000 Listen, you know what you did.

01:33:59.000 You're going to have to take away the funny video first because I'm not choosing between the two. 0.78

01:34:04.000 I am fascinated by people's quest for attention, that they'll find all sorts of different ways to read naughty books with their glasses on and with their boobs hanging out.

01:34:14.000 It's so, like, everybody's got their hook, you know?

01:34:17.000 Like, I'm the hot fisherwoman, and I'm the this and that, and I'm the guy who lives on the farm, and I'll tell you what it's like.

01:34:23.000 Everybody's got this, like, hook.

01:34:24.000 The ASMR thing?

01:34:26.000 People spring into the...

01:34:28.000 Love that.

01:34:28.000 You know what I love?

01:34:29.000 I love watching people fix things. 0.96

01:34:32.000 Like, take an old lighter and, like, refurbish it and bring it back to life and, like, clean it all off and shit. 0.85

01:34:38.000 I don't know why. 0.90

01:34:39.000 It's so satisfying.

01:34:40.000 It's satisfying.

01:34:40.000 Old watches.

01:34:41.000 I take an old watch out and clean it all.

01:34:42.000 It's so funny.

01:34:43.000 I have the woman version of that where I like... 1.00

01:34:45.000 I have clean TikTok where I watch women clean things. 1.00

01:34:48.000 I swear to God.

01:34:49.000 You love men clean, too! 0.88

01:34:50.000 I have the complete opposite.

01:34:51.000 You like watching them clean stuff?

01:34:52.000 Yeah.

01:34:53.000 Oh, that's hilarious.

01:34:53.000 Deep clean stuff.

01:34:54.000 And it's viral.

01:34:54.000 A lot of people watch, but it's satisfying.

01:34:57.000 Wow.

01:34:57.000 The way that you liked building something, I liked watching cleaning.

01:35:00.000 I like watching zit popping videos.

01:35:03.000 Everybody does.

01:35:03.000 Not me.

01:35:04.000 Not you?

01:35:05.000 Nope.

01:35:05.000 Dr. Pimple Popper?

01:35:06.000 Oh, the best! 0.98

01:35:07.000 She's the goat. 1.00

01:35:08.000 She's the goat! 1.00

01:35:09.000 She's the one who recognized that there was a market for this. 0.56

01:35:12.000 Yes!

01:35:12.000 And when I watch it, it makes me salivate.

01:35:15.000 I'm like, yes, get rid of it all.

01:35:17.000 Tom Segura has a real problem with some of them. 0.97

01:35:19.000 And because of fucking doing your mom's house live, which of you guys have never done, you'll be so horrified at the videos that they dig up. 0.98

01:35:27.000 So every time I find a nasty zit, just some horrible one that she's got where it's just brown custard coming out and quartz coming out of some guy's back. 0.99

01:35:37.000 I love watching it.

01:35:39.000 It's satisfying to know the germs are leaving the bod.

01:35:42.000 It's weird, though.

01:35:43.000 It's like, how'd you let it stay in there that long?

01:35:45.000 That's what I know.

01:35:47.000 Why'd I get a horn growing out of your shoulder? 0.99

01:35:48.000 I start imagining it popping by accident in the wrong place, and then my imagination gets fucked. 0.98

01:35:53.000 It's like, now how many pimple popped things are there in the world? 1.00

01:35:57.000 It's weird when they pull ones out and it leaves a crater.

01:36:00.000 You had like a knot in there.

01:36:02.000 A crater. 0.52

01:36:03.000 You see those giant blackheads they pull out? 1.00

01:36:05.000 She pulls them out. 0.59

01:36:06.000 I want to see it, but then I don't want to see it.

01:36:08.000 Because now I'm left with a question.

01:36:09.000 After the next TikTok rolls around, it's like, what happened to the hole?

01:36:14.000 Did you guys fill up the hole?

01:36:16.000 I hate that.

01:36:17.000 Put a bandaid over it?

01:36:18.000 Does he just have a hole in his back now?

01:36:19.000 Well, if it's a woman, you just put a little makeup to fill the crater. 1.00

01:36:22.000 And sometimes you could see a crater.

01:36:23.000 A spackle?

01:36:24.000 Yeah, a little spackle when the makeup wears off.

01:36:27.000 Nothing worse than a spackled zit. 0.99

01:36:29.000 If they come up with real gene editing that allows people to be whatever the fuck they want to be, I want a blue-eyed baby like that. 0.99

01:36:41.000 No, like you now. 0.97

01:36:44.000 What if they get to the point where we can change genes on the fly?

01:36:48.000 I don't even know if this is physically possible.

01:36:50.000 I know they can edit embryos and they can do things.

01:36:54.000 Like these Chinese doctors supposedly got in trouble.

01:37:00.000 No.

01:37:07.000 No.

01:37:18.000 How many years?

01:37:19.000 At least 15. Remember Michael Jackson?

01:37:21.000 He was 12. I'd be like, there's something going on there.

01:37:23.000 I'll just get into a testable age.

01:37:25.000 I don't know. 0.99

01:37:25.000 What about Michio Kaku with his fucking particle collider in his garage? 0.99

01:37:30.000 He was in high school. 0.99

01:37:31.000 How would you know that they weren't going to be smart anyway?

01:37:34.000 Yeah.

01:37:34.000 That the CRISPR did it.

01:37:35.000 That's kind of what I was thinking.

01:37:36.000 In my hometown, there was a kid that got cancer, and they did something where they put dead HIV cells in her body, and then she got better.

01:37:45.000 Whoa.

01:37:46.000 And then I read one thing about it and I never heard anything again.

01:37:49.000 I know they're doing something like that with cancer.

01:37:51.000 They're doing something like that with, I think it's the herpes virus.

01:37:55.000 There's something with melanoma and the herpes virus where they're using... 0.95

01:38:01.000 I'm going to butcher this.

01:38:02.000 We have to read this.

01:38:03.000 I don't want to go any further.

01:38:04.000 Everyone's going to go try and get herpes now. 1.00

01:38:06.000 This is one of those things that a friend told me they did the therapy on him.

01:38:10.000 And he didn't go into details about it, but he said it saved his life.

01:38:14.000 So I said, really?

01:38:15.000 And so I promised him that I would look into it.

01:38:17.000 And so that's what I'm doing right now through Jamie.

01:38:20.000 That's also a funny way to get your friend not to make fun of your herpes.

01:38:24.000 Bro, I got it because I have cancer.

01:38:27.000 I was trying to cure my cancer.

01:38:30.000 I wasn't being a hoe. 1.00

01:38:31.000 He was like, actually, you're being rude to cancer. 1.00

01:38:34.000 Isn't it crazy how many fucking diseases have killed people that came from having sex? 0.99

01:38:39.000 You really stop and think about it. 1.00

01:38:41.000 Syphilis killed everybody.

01:38:43.000 Everybody died of syphilis.

01:38:44.000 Yeah.

01:38:44.000 All the best things kill you.

01:38:45.000 They're getting holes in their face. 0.98

01:38:47.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:38:48.000 I want to be killed by sugar.

01:38:50.000 I want to eat sugar.

01:38:51.000 Didn't Al Capone?

01:38:52.000 He got a syphilis too.

01:38:54.000 Syphilis?

01:38:55.000 There's billboards I see for like super STDs now and they get more powerful.

01:39:01.000 There was a billboard recently.

01:39:03.000 It was an iceberg and then it had the tip underneath and it said super gonorrhea.

01:39:08.000 Jesus Christ.

01:39:09.000 Yeah.

01:39:09.000 It's out there.

01:39:10.000 Medication resistant gonorrhea.

01:39:11.000 Yeah.

01:39:12.000 It's getting stronger.

01:39:15.000 Who's to blame?

01:39:18.000 I'm not saying.

01:39:20.000 You can't get me.

01:39:26.000 Oncolytic?

01:39:28.000 Oncolytic virus treatment has become a new trend in the cancer field in which oncolytic herpes simplex virus type 1 is a therapy.

01:39:38.000 Okay, so yeah, they are actually using it as a therapy.

01:39:42.000 Melanoma.

01:39:43.000 Yeah, that's what this gentleman was telling me.

01:39:44.000 Wow.

01:39:46.000 My dad swears that shark fin oil cured my asthma.

01:39:52.000 Maybe dad just hates sharks and tries to come up with an excuse.

01:39:54.000 No, my dad's a fisherman and I had really bad asthma as a kid and this old Spanish woman told him to try shark fin oil and he did and I never was hospitalized again.

01:40:04.000 I never had to use an inhaler.

01:40:06.000 Wow.

01:40:07.000 That's pretty cool.

01:40:10.000 What do you think is in shark fin that does that?

01:40:12.000 I don't know, but I've looked up shark fin.

01:40:13.000 It's not coincidental?

01:40:14.000 No, there's something in shark fin oil that's good for your life.

01:40:18.000 It pops up on Google as a holistic way to fix it, but I don't know what the...

01:40:23.000 My dad said, when I was a kid, I was in the hospital for like, University of Rochester, go below that.

01:40:29.000 University of Rochester, evidence points to fish oil to fight asthma.

01:40:34.000 Yeah.

01:40:34.000 Interesting.

01:40:35.000 Omega-3 fatty acids.

01:40:37.000 That makes sense.

01:40:38.000 He said a little old woman in Puerto Rico told him that.

01:40:40.000 Wow.

01:40:41.000 And she was asking about me and I was in the hospital for it.

01:40:43.000 So it's probably, should you eat fish oil in asthma in times of India?

01:40:47.000 Omega-3 fatty acid or fish oil helps in reduction of excess immunoglobin antibodies that cause inflammation of the airwaves leading to an asthma attack.

01:40:57.000 That's why I want a shark tattoo.

01:41:00.000 So it's omega-3s.

01:41:01.000 So that's fish oil.

01:41:02.000 You could probably get that from all kinds of oil.

01:41:04.000 That's great.

01:41:04.000 He didn't have to kill a shark?

01:41:05.000 No. 0.99

01:41:06.000 But they probably realized that sharks were cunts. 1.00

01:41:09.000 They'll fucking bite you when you're surfing. 1.00

01:41:11.000 You know? 1.00

01:41:12.000 So why not?

01:41:13.000 For the oil.

01:41:13.000 People love sharks now.

01:41:14.000 It's like one of them weird things.

01:41:16.000 Jaws had everybody hating sharks. 1.00

01:41:18.000 Like, fucking kill them! 1.00

01:41:19.000 Kill them all! 1.00

01:41:20.000 But now everyone's like, don't kill the sharks. 1.00

01:41:22.000 What about the fins?

01:41:23.000 It's their ocean.

01:41:25.000 It's their home, not yours. 0.99

01:41:27.000 Yeah, that's nutty talk. 1.00

01:41:29.000 We own this bitch. 1.00

01:41:30.000 This is ours. 1.00

01:41:31.000 If you want to go back to living in a cave and fighting off bears...

01:41:33.000 I'm like, guess who can live in both?

01:41:35.000 Go right ahead.

01:41:36.000 It's my ocean and my land. 1.00

01:41:38.000 Yeah, shut your mouth. 1.00

01:41:40.000 We'll go in there with submarines and nuke everything. 1.00

01:41:43.000 Did the shark fill the tank on wheels and come into fucking L.A.? No. 0.99

01:41:47.000 They didn't figure it out quick enough.

01:41:48.000 They should have been on the ball.

01:41:50.000 We win.

01:41:50.000 Yeah, sorry.

01:41:52.000 I see what you guys do to dolphins, you cunts. 1.00

01:41:55.000 Sharks are monsters. 0.99

01:41:56.000 They do that to everybody. 0.91

01:41:57.000 Everybody they can bite.

01:41:59.000 Seals, whales.

01:42:00.000 It would be cool if sharks could fly.

01:42:02.000 No, it would not. 0.97

01:42:03.000 It would be fucking terrifying. 0.99

01:42:05.000 Okay, bad idea, bad idea. 0.99

01:42:06.000 Sharknado, right? 0.96

01:42:07.000 That's what happens in that movie?

01:42:09.000 Sharks landed and bit people.

01:42:11.000 It was one of them preposterous movies. 0.98

01:42:13.000 I gotta tell you, though, if you grew up with liars, it's not that crazy.

01:42:19.000 If you grew up with people that lie to you all the time, it's not that crazy to believe that other people lie to you as well.

01:42:26.000 No one would want the world to be flat more than me.

01:42:29.000 I think it would be hilarious.

01:42:31.000 I think it would be hilarious if this whole thing was God playing a joke on us.

01:42:35.000 Like, yeah, oh, you figured out space, did you?

01:42:38.000 Oh, did you figure out space?

01:42:41.000 Congratulations!

01:42:41.000 What, you sent a telescope up into my fake sky that I created to fool you?

01:42:46.000 He's like, I changed the scope in the sky! 0.99

01:42:48.000 You dummy. 0.95

01:42:49.000 I showed you what I wanted you to see. 0.99

01:42:51.000 That's why you're seeing UFOs.

01:42:54.000 That's technological Jesus.

01:42:57.000 Tech Jesus.

01:42:59.000 I'm hoping for tech Jesus to rescue us.

01:43:02.000 His comes in with house music.

01:43:06.000 Not Jesus coming in with house music to pick us up. 1.00

01:43:09.000 Such a fucking silly time for human beings. 1.00

01:43:14.000 Such a silly time. 1.00

01:43:15.000 For no reason.

01:43:17.000 I feel like there are always spurts of a lot of UFO sightings at once.

01:43:23.000 My mom and my stepdad swear they had a UFO experience in Costa Rica where they were recording and they said that their camcorder shut off and they said all the sounds around them, they were walking to a waterfall, they said everything stopped.

01:43:36.000 The birds stopped, the music stopped, they said the water stopped.

01:43:39.000 It went dead silent and the camera stopped and they had the footage of the camera stopping and then everything came back on like five seconds later.

01:43:47.000 Nothing.

01:43:48.000 They saw nothing.

01:43:49.000 They said, my mom thought something was medically wrong with her.

01:43:52.000 She was like, I thought something was happening to my hearing.

01:43:54.000 And then I looked over and she was like, your stepdad was pale.

01:43:57.000 Because everything just went dead.

01:43:59.000 And then came back 10 seconds later.

01:44:01.000 And then they can hear the kids and the people and the tourists.

01:44:04.000 I would not like it if my life experience just got muted in real time.

01:44:09.000 And then came back.

01:44:10.000 You guys should watch this movie, Moment of Contact.

01:44:13.000 What is it?

01:44:14.000 It's a movie about a crash in Brazil.

01:44:16.000 I'm scared.

01:44:17.000 In 1996. Okay.

01:44:19.000 In Varginha, Brazil.

01:44:20.000 Okay.

01:44:20.000 And it's by the guy, James Fox, who made The Phenomenon, which is another amazing movie on UFOs.

01:44:28.000 But this movie that he made about Varginha, Brazil, the crash is like very heavily documented.

01:44:35.000 There's documentation of U.S. Air Force flying in and supposedly picking something up that they think was wreckage or something like that and flying out with it.

01:44:46.000 One of the soldiers apparently had picked up one of the organisms that was there and they carried it in their car and drove it.

01:44:55.000 To some hospital, to another hospital.

01:44:57.000 They have documentation of them taking this thing in.

01:45:00.000 They have the people that did the autopsy on the soldier who died of some insane infection that they had never seen ever before.

01:45:07.000 He died of some insane bacteria.

01:45:09.000 He's like a young guy.

01:45:10.000 He was dead very quickly.

01:45:12.000 He should have been wearing glasses.

01:45:13.000 Ahh! 0.97

01:45:14.000 Goggles.

01:45:15.000 Goggles.

01:45:16.000 Not a goggle callback.

01:45:17.000 But if you're into UFOs, this is one of the best ones I've ever seen.

01:45:21.000 It's really interesting.

01:45:22.000 That sounds cool.

01:45:23.000 Because the whole town is convinced that this happened.

01:45:26.000 There's so many people that have witness experience that they say, like the whole town revolves around this, like there's a lore to it that revolves around this one time where this UFO crashed.

01:45:39.000 That's so crazy.

01:45:41.000 It's fucking wild because when you see these people and you see the people that like when it happened, like when they put a camera on and they brought this guy back to the crash site and the guy starts crying, he's like weeping, talking about where it was and like what it was like to see this thing. 0.96

01:45:55.000 We gotta watch this. 0.99

01:45:56.000 It's fucking crazy. 0.99

01:45:58.000 I get scared. 0.99

01:45:59.000 I feel like whenever we watch things about them, I feel like the plant thing you said, I feel like they know.

01:46:04.000 Like Zuck.

01:46:05.000 Oh, they know.

01:46:05.000 Like Zuck.

01:46:06.000 Yeah, I feel like they're Zuck.

01:46:07.000 Like Elon and Zuck.

01:46:09.000 They're playing us from both sides.

01:46:11.000 They're exactly like Zuck. 1.00

01:46:12.000 They're the Biden of Trump of the fucking super aliens. 1.00

01:46:15.000 I used to feel like that when I watched alien movies. 1.00

01:46:18.000 I feel like they can feel us watching them.

01:46:20.000 They like it.

01:46:21.000 Well, if I was an alien, that's how I would do it.

01:46:23.000 I would infiltrate and I would take little people and I'd put alien thoughts into their little minds. 0.93

01:46:29.000 I would like some alien thoughts.

01:46:31.000 Maybe that's what thoughts are.

01:46:33.000 Maybe thoughts are like a life form.

01:46:35.000 We just don't appreciate them.

01:46:36.000 Whoa! 0.71

01:46:36.000 I've never thought of that. 0.71

01:46:38.000 Think of ideas, right?

01:46:39.000 Everything that we have in front of us, everything, the table, the mugs, the microscope, the microphones rather, the phones that you text each other on, all those came from ideas.

01:46:49.000 Somebody had an idea and then physical reality came out of that idea and they made a thing.

01:46:55.000 And then more ideas come and And then you make more things, and you say, look at all the things that I've done.

01:47:00.000 Look at all the things that I've done.

01:47:01.000 Well, it kind of feels like that with a joke, too.

01:47:04.000 When people are like, where does a joke come from?

01:47:07.000 And I'm like, I've explained it once or twice, and I'm like, it literally like...

01:47:10.000 I don't know. 0.98

01:47:12.000 Mine's always like at 2 in the morning, and I'm like, fuck, it's not funny. 1.00

01:47:14.000 Go back to bed, bitch. 1.00

01:47:16.000 Then I'm like, it's funny! 1.00

01:47:17.000 I gotta get up and write that shit down! 1.00

01:47:19.000 If you don't get up and write that shit down, you'll never sleep. 1.00

01:47:21.000 You'll look like I'm such a loser. 1.00

01:47:23.000 I know. 0.96

01:47:24.000 I was in the middle of saying something the other day and someone interrupted me and it slipped through my fingers.

01:47:28.000 It's been driving me crazy for like two days.

01:47:31.000 That's the worst!

01:47:33.000 I knew there was something there.

01:47:35.000 There's like this spark.

01:47:35.000 I was like, oh, that's how to...

01:47:38.000 And then someone else was asking me questions.

01:47:40.000 You solved the answer to why we were here for a second.

01:47:43.000 It was just a joke.

01:47:44.000 And then some dude's like, so how are you liking Austin?

01:47:46.000 Yeah!

01:47:49.000 Where's the best pizza?

01:47:50.000 Is Terryplex really it?

01:47:54.000 Some dude came up the other day.

01:47:56.000 He goes, what do you do for discipline?

01:47:58.000 How do you get disciplined?

01:47:59.000 You don't get it from this conversation.

01:48:02.000 My favorite thing to do is when people are like, how do you think your jokes?

01:48:05.000 I go like this.

01:48:07.000 It just stops the whole conversation.

01:48:08.000 You point to this guy and they don't ask you another question.

01:48:11.000 I get them from Jesus.

01:48:13.000 Imagine if it was real.

01:48:14.000 It might be cancer.

01:48:16.000 Well, if you do have a muse...

01:48:19.000 If you do think that your creativity comes from a muse, it will work if you just treat it like it's a muse.

01:48:24.000 That's the whole premise of the Steven Pressfield book, The War of Art.

01:48:28.000 I haven't read that one.

01:48:30.000 I just started reading the Rick Rubin one.

01:48:32.000 Yeah, we got a stack of them.

01:48:33.000 It's a very small book.

01:48:34.000 It's a real easy read.

01:48:35.000 But it's basically like if you just treat it like, you know, there was always the concept of the muse.

01:48:39.000 Whoops.

01:48:40.000 Concept of the muse that some deity comes to you and bestows upon you these ideas.

01:48:46.000 Pressfield's argument is that if you just treat it like it is a muse, if you really pay respects to it and show up every day and try to communicate with the muse, it will show up.

01:48:56.000 It's real.

01:48:57.000 It's actually real, yeah.

01:48:58.000 It is real.

01:48:59.000 It is real.

01:48:59.000 But it's...

01:49:00.000 What is it?

01:49:01.000 Is it your...

01:49:02.000 Is it like...

01:49:03.000 Is that a...

01:49:03.000 Like the idea of a muse, is that just a scaffolding that we can put up to support our...

01:49:11.000 The reality that we know is that hard work and concentration and just immersing yourself in this task will eventually yield results, just like everything else.

01:49:22.000 Just getting in shape by, like, you want to learn how to swim, you have to swim.

01:49:26.000 If you want ideas, you got to sit down and work on ideas.

01:49:29.000 Yeah, but whatever it is, it already exists, and then when you put yourself in that space, you just open up yourself to receive it.

01:49:35.000 You get in flow when you're in flow state.

01:49:38.000 But that's the thing.

01:49:39.000 It's like, what is it?

01:49:40.000 When you come up with a good joke, when you have this idea, when you're in your car and you're like, It's in the car a lot.

01:49:46.000 It is a lot.

01:49:47.000 Especially if you have the radio off.

01:49:48.000 Yes!

01:49:49.000 Driving in silence is huge for me.

01:49:52.000 In the car, in the shower, in bed.

01:49:54.000 Those are my three spots.

01:49:55.000 This car that I used to love to drive at the Comedy Store.

01:49:57.000 This 1993 Porsche RS America.

01:50:01.000 It has no power steering.

01:50:03.000 It has no radio.

01:50:05.000 No brakes.

01:50:05.000 It has awesome brakes.

01:50:07.000 There's no radio.

01:50:08.000 It's not even that fast, but it's just this raw mechanical thing.

01:50:12.000 And when I drive it, there's no music.

01:50:14.000 I just think.

01:50:15.000 And you're heightened.

01:50:16.000 Your senses are heightened because of the sounds.

01:50:20.000 And you're holding on to the steering wheel because there's no power steering. 1.00

01:50:25.000 No, fuck. 1.00

01:50:26.000 It's almost like meditative. 1.00

01:50:27.000 Yeah.

01:50:28.000 Because you're tapping into that flow-like state and you're present.

01:50:31.000 It's exciting.

01:50:32.000 Yes.

01:50:33.000 It's exciting.

01:50:33.000 Driving is meditative.

01:50:36.000 You ever get somewhere and you're like, I don't even...

01:50:40.000 Right.

01:50:40.000 I don't know who was behind the wheel.

01:50:42.000 Especially if you're in a good place.

01:50:44.000 Someone drove, not me.

01:50:45.000 Let's not go fast.

01:50:47.000 Let's just chill.

01:50:48.000 Let's just get there.

01:50:49.000 When you're chill driving.

01:50:50.000 Normal speed.

01:50:51.000 Normal speed.

01:50:53.000 Accept the time.

01:50:55.000 Don't get in the left lane. 1.00

01:50:56.000 Don't get in the left lane, you fucking psycho. 1.00

01:50:58.000 Don't you do it. 1.00

01:50:59.000 Why are you going 90?

01:51:00.000 Why are you going 90, Kim?

01:51:01.000 I'm getting excited.

01:51:05.000 Where are you girls living now? 1.00

01:51:07.000 I live in Hollywood.

01:51:08.000 Still living in Hollywood?

01:51:09.000 Do you drive a lot?

01:51:10.000 Yeah, I live in a canyon.

01:51:12.000 You live in a canyon?

01:51:13.000 Yes.

01:51:14.000 You need something like a Mustang.

01:51:17.000 You need a modern Mustang.

01:51:18.000 You need something fast.

01:51:19.000 Kim Congdon.

01:51:21.000 No, she doesn't.

01:51:22.000 I think you do. 1.00

01:51:23.000 This bitch does not need a need for speed. 1.00

01:51:25.000 I want a truck. 1.00

01:51:27.000 Ooh.

01:51:28.000 Not me.

01:51:29.000 I'll take a Fiat.

01:51:30.000 A Fiat?

01:51:30.000 I don't want a small truck.

01:51:33.000 But I want it to be small.

01:51:34.000 A mini Cooper.

01:51:35.000 Small and red.

01:51:36.000 Like a Tacoma.

01:51:38.000 Uh, yeah.

01:51:39.000 Tacoma.

01:51:40.000 You want like a pickup truck truck?

01:51:41.000 Yeah, and I want like a cute truck. 0.90

01:51:42.000 A cute truck?

01:51:43.000 Yeah, a vintage truck.

01:51:44.000 A vintage truck.

01:51:45.000 A small red Chevy.

01:51:46.000 Like an old Bronco.

01:51:47.000 Like an old red Chevy.

01:51:47.000 Oh, like an old Blazer.

01:51:49.000 Like a 56 Chevy?

01:51:51.000 Something I could wear this jumpsuit in.

01:51:53.000 Those are unwieldly.

01:51:55.000 They what?

01:51:55.000 They're unwieldly.

01:51:56.000 What does that mean?

01:51:58.000 They're very difficult to drive.

01:51:59.000 Yeah, they're just in movies for when you're teaching a girl to drive on some back road.

01:52:04.000 In a country song.

01:52:06.000 The reality is if you get an old car like that, it's going to have old car steering.

01:52:11.000 They're not fun to drive.

01:52:12.000 It's very sloppy. 1.00

01:52:13.000 You want power steering, bitch. 1.00

01:52:14.000 Look how cute that is. 1.00

01:52:15.000 It'll have power steering.

01:52:17.000 It's like power steering from whatever year that is.

01:52:20.000 I like that one.

01:52:20.000 The one to the right in the middle.

01:52:22.000 That one.

01:52:23.000 What year is that?

01:52:24.000 I want something like that.

01:52:26.000 It says old.

01:52:26.000 It doesn't even know what year it is.

01:52:28.000 What year do you think that is?

01:52:29.000 Let's Google 1964. Okay, 64. Let's go 1964 Chevy truck.

01:52:39.000 See what they look like.

01:52:41.000 That might be it.

01:52:42.000 You might be on to something.

01:52:44.000 Those are fresh.

01:52:45.000 Look at that thing. 0.92

01:52:46.000 Like how clean is that to pull up in that?

01:52:48.000 Oh, look at that one in the upper left hand corner.

01:52:49.000 Joe, don't get it.

01:52:50.000 It'll hurt me.

01:52:51.000 I can hear him.

01:52:52.000 Joe, get Jim Morrison's.

01:52:54.000 Yeah, that's what I want.

01:52:55.000 Oh, look at that thing. 1.00

01:52:57.000 Look at that thing. 0.92

01:52:58.000 That is so cute.

01:52:59.000 It is so cute, right? 1.00

01:53:00.000 Like, I want to go to the farmer's market in that, bitch. 1.00

01:53:02.000 I know! 0.99

01:53:02.000 I want to buy flowers and have it sitting in the passenger seat. 0.99

01:53:05.000 You'd be that wacky lady who writes jokes. 1.00

01:53:07.000 Sunflowers with sunflowers in her Chevy. 0.84

01:53:10.000 I think Whitney just got a really beautiful truck like that, too.

01:53:14.000 A brown one. 0.90

01:53:15.000 She probably doesn't even remember.

01:53:17.000 She left it at Avril Lavigne's.

01:53:19.000 She left it wherever Jim Morrison's Mustang is.

01:53:22.000 She has the Mustang, by the way.

01:53:24.000 She probably does.

01:53:24.000 If you're looking for Jim Morrison's Mustang.

01:53:25.000 I'm surprised for you.

01:53:26.000 She's gonna find it.

01:53:27.000 She put it in Whitney's doghouse.

01:53:30.000 It's her dog bed.

01:53:31.000 He sleeps in it at night.

01:53:32.000 We'll just stick her on this project. 0.99

01:53:33.000 She'll figure it out.

01:53:34.000 She'll find it.

01:53:35.000 She'll have the truck.

01:53:39.000 She'll know where it is.

01:53:40.000 She'll know where it is.

01:53:41.000 We need her to find Morrison's Mustang.

01:53:44.000 That's it.

01:53:44.000 Just make her do a documentary on it.

01:53:46.000 She'll find it.

01:53:47.000 She'll be pounded on doors. 1.00

01:53:48.000 She'll find that fucking mustache. 1.00

01:53:50.000 Who's got that fucking mustache? 1.00

01:53:51.000 Who's got the mustache? 1.00

01:53:52.000 She'll like trace it out.

01:53:53.000 There's only 2,000 of them.

01:53:54.000 It wasn't that hard.

01:53:56.000 That's exactly what she'd say. 0.99

01:53:59.000 She would just go into this fucking graph. 0.99

01:54:01.000 She would literally say it wasn't that hard. 0.99

01:54:04.000 Yeah, he's dead, so we checked his property.

01:54:06.000 I knew that last night in the middle of the night. 1.00

01:54:08.000 She's got fucking night vision on and shit. 1.00

01:54:10.000 Where do you find a Mustang? 1.00

01:54:11.000 A garage, you idiot. 1.00

01:54:12.000 She's like talking to you like you couldn't find it. 1.00

01:54:15.000 And while I was there, on my way there, I did rescue a wolf.

01:54:19.000 I have a new piglet.

01:54:21.000 I hope it gets long with my pit bulls.

01:54:23.000 Yeah, she's crazy.

01:54:24.000 But that, like, that barn find thing's a real thing. 0.99

01:54:27.000 They find people, like, leave these cars in their barns that are vintage, beautiful cars that are worth, like, shit tons of money. 0.83

01:54:35.000 Let's go barn hunting.

01:54:36.000 Yeah, there's a thing called barn finds.

01:54:39.000 Barn diving?

01:54:40.000 Barn diving.

01:54:41.000 Dumpster diving?

01:54:42.000 You don't have to dive.

01:54:43.000 No, they find someone's dad dies, and then they go back to the farm where the dad lives in Ohio, and dad had three or four crazy old mopars sitting in his backyard.

01:54:55.000 But how come these people don't know the value of it?

01:54:58.000 Because they're farmers. 0.99

01:54:59.000 They're out there just fucking trying to eke out a living. 1.00

01:55:01.000 They don't have time to be on the internet, pay attention to all this stupid shit. 1.00

01:55:04.000 But they're on barn finds. 1.00

01:55:06.000 That seems deep enough to me.

01:55:08.000 They don't even think about it.

01:55:09.000 They just leave them in there.

01:55:10.000 Wow.

01:55:11.000 They're like, yeah, that's granddad's junker.

01:55:13.000 Especially if they have a farm that's successful.

01:55:15.000 Yeah, they don't care. 0.98

01:55:16.000 They don't give a fuck about these things. 0.99

01:55:18.000 They're just sitting out there. 0.98

01:55:19.000 They're kind of cool to look at.

01:55:20.000 Catch me finding my truck.

01:55:21.000 You know, imagine if you grew up on that farm, you can go check out those old cars.

01:55:24.000 That's kind of fresh.

01:55:26.000 Ooh, look at that Barracuda. 1.00

01:55:27.000 Look at that 1970 Barracuda.

01:55:28.000 Click on that.

01:55:30.000 Ooh.

01:55:31.000 Wow.

01:55:32.000 You can fix that one.

01:55:34.000 That one you can fix. 1.00

01:55:35.000 Look at the patina on that bitch. 1.00

01:55:36.000 I want a cool car like that. 1.00

01:55:38.000 You know what?

01:55:39.000 A lot of people like to do with cars like that.

01:55:41.000 See that car right there?

01:55:42.000 That's beautiful.

01:55:43.000 Just fix it up, but don't change the paint.

01:55:46.000 Leave that. 0.85

01:55:47.000 Oh, that's kind of cool. 1.00

01:55:48.000 Leave that old school shit on it. 1.00

01:55:50.000 Leave that old school shit. 1.00

01:55:51.000 The stank, yeah. 1.00

01:55:52.000 Put a modern Hemi in that motherfucker. 1.00

01:55:55.000 That one? 1.00

01:55:55.000 Look at that. 1.00

01:55:56.000 That's a 1971. 1971 convertible.

01:55:59.000 $700,000 at auction. 0.99

01:56:01.000 Holy shit. 0.99

01:56:02.000 They drive terrible. 1.00

01:56:05.000 They're terrible.

01:56:06.000 The brakes are terrible, everything.

01:56:08.000 The steering's terrible.

01:56:09.000 But you can fix them.

01:56:11.000 They do stuff to them now.

01:56:12.000 You can make it so you can drive it.

01:56:14.000 I know absolutely nothing about cars, but I always remember my friend Kelsey Hoshard in third grade would say, my dad drives an 82-old Cutlass with a roll cage.

01:56:22.000 What does that mean? 0.98

01:56:23.000 She would say that all the time, and I was like, that sounds fucking dope. 1.00

01:56:26.000 That sounds like a psycho. 1.00

01:56:28.000 What is that? 0.90

01:56:31.000 Pull it up, Jamie.

01:56:32.000 What year is it?

01:56:33.000 82 Cutlass?

01:56:35.000 82 Olds Cutlass with a roll cage.

01:56:36.000 So he had a roll cage and an 82. Oh, I know.

01:56:40.000 But her dad was cool.

01:56:42.000 That's a Grand National.

01:56:42.000 Oh, that's kind of sick.

01:56:43.000 Is that what it is?

01:56:44.000 What's a roll cage?

01:56:46.000 Oh my god.

01:56:47.000 They raced them?

01:56:48.000 Look at that thing. 0.92

01:56:49.000 That's a NASCAR one though, right?

01:56:51.000 That's like a fake car.

01:56:53.000 Is it that cage?

01:56:55.000 That's true.

01:56:57.000 Wow.

01:56:58.000 Look at that thing. 0.92

01:56:59.000 That's wild.

01:57:00.000 Dude, you're driving to school in NASCARs.

01:57:04.000 He would build recliners that were chairs and drive them through the town. 0.73

01:57:08.000 He was crazy.

01:57:09.000 Look at that thing. 0.98

01:57:12.000 That's wild.

01:57:13.000 You know, that's how they found Bob Lazar.

01:57:16.000 Supposedly, that's the Bob Lazar story.

01:57:18.000 Oh, yeah.

01:57:19.000 He put a jet engine on a Honda when he was young. 1.00

01:57:21.000 And they were like, what is this motherfucker doing? 1.00

01:57:24.000 Wow. 1.00

01:57:24.000 A jet engine on a Honda? 1.00

01:57:27.000 Yeah.

01:57:28.000 Well, when they were, yeah, he was working, supposedly working at Los Alamos Labs.

01:57:32.000 It's disputed, but he's on the employee roster.

01:57:35.000 But he knows his way around the building.

01:57:36.000 It seems like he worked there.

01:57:37.000 That's his story.

01:57:38.000 He says he worked there.

01:57:39.000 A lot of people from there say he didn't. 0.99

01:57:40.000 But the bottom line was this guy, at the time, built a fucking car with a rocket engine in the back. 0.99

01:57:47.000 He had a jet engine in the back of his car. 0.99

01:57:50.000 He was like a propulsions expert.

01:57:51.000 He just was super genius.

01:57:52.000 And this is the guy that supposedly they recruited and took to the middle of the Nevada desert and tried to have him back engineer UFOs.

01:58:00.000 Jet tube.

01:58:01.000 It's a crazy compelling story.

01:58:05.000 Because if the guy's telling the truth that the government has been in possession of these things.

01:58:09.000 He did your show, right?

01:58:10.000 He did the show.

01:58:10.000 He did?

01:58:11.000 It's an amazing conversation.

01:58:13.000 Yeah.

01:58:14.000 Wow.

01:58:14.000 My dad sent me the clips from it.

01:58:16.000 Because I'm like, I'm so fucking, I'm such a sucker that I'm like, come on, I want it to be real so bad. 0.97

01:58:21.000 Yeah. 0.98

01:58:22.000 So part of me is like, why do you want it to be real so bad? 0.99

01:58:24.000 Like, why is it so like, and then part of me is like, where's the bullshit? 1.00

01:58:27.000 Come on, show me some bullshit. 1.00

01:58:29.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:58:30.000 He doesn't waver.

01:58:32.000 He might be the best bullshitter that's ever bullshitted, you know, but he seems like he's being sincere. 0.98

01:58:39.000 So maybe he's crazy and he has this false memory that's impossible to shake. 0.83

01:58:44.000 Do you ever listen to Art Bell?

01:58:46.000 That's not his car, is it?

01:58:47.000 CRX? Lazar?

01:58:49.000 Being sold as a Bob Lazar tribute mini thing.

01:58:52.000 Oh, is that really?

01:58:54.000 Maybe not. 0.97

01:58:54.000 Maybe, I don't know if he's a part, that could be like people being silly. 0.97

01:58:58.000 Yeah, okay, could be.

01:58:58.000 Do you ever listen to Art Bell?

01:59:00.000 All the time.

01:59:01.000 Yeah. 0.95

01:59:02.000 One of the fucking greatest joys of my life, I got to be a guest on the Art Bell show. 0.96

01:59:05.000 You got to be on the Art Bell show? 0.97

01:59:06.000 Who's Art Bell? 1.00

01:59:07.000 Art Bell was the fucking man. 1.00

01:59:10.000 He was the man. 1.00

01:59:11.000 Like, radio show. 1.00

01:59:11.000 Oh, shit. 1.00

01:59:12.000 If you get up at the show late at night, we'd leave the comedy store. 1.00

01:59:14.000 And I'd be driving home and I'd listen to Art Bell.

01:59:17.000 Coast to coast with Art Bell.

01:59:18.000 Coast to coast.

01:59:19.000 And a guy would call up, Art, I'm a werewolf.

01:59:21.000 He'd be like, tell me more.

01:59:22.000 No.

01:59:23.000 That's so fun.

01:59:24.000 It was the best.

01:59:25.000 He had a time traveler line where you could only call in if you were a time traveler.

01:59:30.000 He's so cool looking.

01:59:31.000 Yeah.

01:59:32.000 The Kingdom of Nigh. 0.99

01:59:33.000 I mean, yeah.

01:59:34.000 Oh wait, I feel like I've heard.

01:59:35.000 Okay.

01:59:36.000 And he had Terrence McKenna on.

01:59:37.000 I listened to that episode.

01:59:39.000 Oh, he had amazing episodes of Terrence McKenna.

01:59:42.000 Yes.

01:59:42.000 He was incredible, man.

01:59:43.000 How long did he go for?

01:59:45.000 Oh, forever.

01:59:45.000 He died recently.

01:59:47.000 Oh, so sad.

01:59:48.000 It's all on.

01:59:48.000 You can get it all.

01:59:49.000 Art Bell.

01:59:50.000 Yeah, you can find it online.

01:59:51.000 You went on his show?

01:59:52.000 2018 he died?

01:59:54.000 Yeah, I went on his show.

01:59:55.000 That's cool. 0.99

01:59:56.000 It was dope as fuck. 0.99

01:59:58.000 Uh, so yeah, accidental drug overdose. 1.00

02:00:01.000 Oh, Jesus Christ.

02:00:02.000 He was partying.

02:00:04.000 Maybe he was just fancy.

02:00:05.000 He was having a good time. 0.99

02:00:06.000 Yeah, maybe he bought a fucking, maybe he had a bad back and someone gave him a pill like Tom Petty. 1.00

02:00:11.000 Oof. 1.00

02:00:12.000 That's sad.

02:00:13.000 Yeah, these guys- I wish Tom Petty was still here.

02:00:16.000 I would have loved to see Tom Petty live.

02:00:18.000 Did you ever get to see Tom Petty?

02:00:19.000 No, never got to see him live.

02:00:21.000 That would have been an experience. 1.00

02:00:23.000 So many talented people died from that shit. 1.00

02:00:25.000 From fentanyl? 1.00

02:00:26.000 Yeah.

02:00:27.000 Prince.

02:00:28.000 Who was it recently that died from it?

02:00:31.000 Coolio.

02:00:32.000 Coolio?

02:00:33.000 I forgot about that.

02:00:34.000 I just remembered Coolio died again.

02:00:37.000 Yeah.

02:00:38.000 It's traumatic to go through twice.

02:00:40.000 Coolio was on Fear Factor.

02:00:42.000 Really?

02:00:43.000 He won.

02:00:43.000 He won high as Jesus on the space shuttle.

02:00:47.000 He was so high.

02:00:49.000 He was so high.

02:00:50.000 I went to his trailer.

02:00:51.000 It was like a running joke on set.

02:00:53.000 He would open his trailer.

02:00:55.000 It was like a Cheech and Chong movie.

02:00:56.000 He was just getting blazed all day long.

02:00:59.000 Just getting blazed and running in circles around everybody.

02:01:02.000 In the end, the final thing, I remember asking him...

02:01:05.000 They were like, no more weed.

02:01:07.000 They're too good.

02:01:08.000 Like, why do you think you're going to win?

02:01:08.000 And he was like, because I've done this before.

02:01:11.000 I've lived this life.

02:01:12.000 I've lived in many universes. 1.00

02:01:14.000 Oh, shit. 0.99

02:01:16.000 And it sounded so good. 1.00

02:01:17.000 I was like, I love what you're saying.

02:01:21.000 Wait, I kind of actually specifically remember this episode.

02:01:25.000 I don't remember what they left in there.

02:01:25.000 Hold on.

02:01:26.000 I don't remember, but it was before that that he said...

02:01:29.000 Was this the flying the cars through the air?

02:01:32.000 I don't remember what they did, but I do know that three of these people are dead now.

02:01:37.000 Chyna, she's dead now. 0.90

02:01:38.000 Oh my god.

02:01:39.000 Kelly Preston, she's dead now.

02:01:40.000 I forgot about Chyna.

02:01:41.000 And Coolio's dead now.

02:01:43.000 God.

02:01:43.000 Good news, David Hasselhoff's still with us.

02:01:46.000 Thank god.

02:01:46.000 When I was a kid, David Hasselhoff's kids went to the same camp.

02:01:57.000 Yeah.

02:02:07.000 He was like a gigantic music star in Germany?

02:02:11.000 Yes!

02:02:12.000 Yeah, Germany.

02:02:12.000 Yes!

02:02:13.000 Yeah, like fucking huge. 0.99

02:02:15.000 Something about him in Germany. 0.99

02:02:16.000 They're like, we get it.

02:02:18.000 We get this.

02:02:20.000 You know?

02:02:21.000 It's like Jerry Lewis.

02:02:22.000 Jerry Lewis was huge in France.

02:02:23.000 I don't know why, but that makes sense.

02:02:24.000 Sometimes it just pops like that.

02:02:26.000 That makes sense for him.

02:02:27.000 That would be fun to be big in another country.

02:02:30.000 Specifically in Germany.

02:02:31.000 I'm huge in profit.

02:02:32.000 Look at like Arge Barker.

02:02:33.000 Arge Barker's gigantic in Australia.

02:02:35.000 I don't know who that is.

02:02:36.000 He's from America.

02:02:37.000 American comic.

02:02:38.000 Funny guy.

02:02:39.000 This is David Hasselhoff in Germany.

02:02:41.000 Slaying!

02:02:42.000 Wow!

02:02:46.000 Unsch Spectacular! 0.94

02:02:49.000 Love this!

02:02:51.000 I love this.

02:02:51.000 This is my jam.

02:02:53.000 Look at them.

02:02:54.000 The Germans are all in. 1.00

02:02:55.000 The Germans are on. 0.98

02:02:56.000 Make us clap in tune.

02:02:58.000 Make us clap in tune.

02:03:00.000 They like that.

02:03:01.000 They're like being told what to do.

02:03:03.000 Wow.

02:03:04.000 These are happy Germans?

02:03:05.000 Look at them all clapping.

02:03:06.000 They're all clapping together.

02:03:08.000 There they go.

02:03:08.000 They're thinking about engineering the best BMW right now.

02:03:11.000 That's what they're all doing.

02:03:12.000 They're busy.

02:03:13.000 Isn't it amazing? 1.00

02:03:14.000 Think about all the crazy shit that's come out of Germany. 1.00

02:03:17.000 There's so much crazy shit. 1.00

02:03:18.000 Some of the best automobiles that have ever been designed. 1.00

02:03:21.000 They push the limits of everything.

02:03:24.000 The 82 Olds Cutlass?

02:03:27.000 BMWs! 0.94

02:03:29.000 BMW, Mercedes, the cars that they were building, Porsche, Germany was building the wildest cars. 0.97

02:03:36.000 It's just bizarre that this one area had so many fucking top flight engineers. 0.67

02:03:42.000 They have a movie about it already, don't they? 0.95

02:03:45.000 Well, it's Ford versus Ferrari.

02:03:47.000 Oh, okay.

02:03:47.000 That's not about that, though.

02:03:49.000 I don't think there's a movie about it, because it's all connected to the Nazis.

02:03:54.000 I'm a German.

02:03:55.000 Oh, that's the issue.

02:03:56.000 They're dumping a lot of money into R&D to make the superior products.

02:04:01.000 My grandpa was a Jew in Germany, and his whole family got killed in the Holocaust.

02:04:07.000 And he got put on a train and saved by Quakers.

02:04:11.000 Oh, my God.

02:04:11.000 And then he got adopted by the Weinshank family.

02:04:14.000 Whoa! 0.71

02:04:15.000 Yeah, so my grandpa was a Holocaust survivor. 1.00

02:04:18.000 Holy shit. 1.00

02:04:19.000 Ari's dad's a Holocaust survivor. 1.00

02:04:21.000 What?

02:04:22.000 Yeah.

02:04:23.000 I had no idea.

02:04:24.000 Yeah, Ari's dad is an old gentleman.

02:04:27.000 That's crazy!

02:04:29.000 Yeah.

02:04:29.000 Ari's like 70 then.

02:04:31.000 Ari's like 70. How old is Ari?

02:04:35.000 Is what I'm wondering.

02:04:36.000 Hold on.

02:04:38.000 Start doing some math.

02:04:39.000 Some guys don't want to tell you their age.

02:04:46.000 Ari's timeless.

02:04:49.000 It's a funny thing, age.

02:04:50.000 My favorite thing to do with Ari is put my phone down and watch him try to get into it.

02:04:56.000 I literally set a self-timer in my head and I'll watch him.

02:04:59.000 His hand will slowly creep.

02:05:01.000 He can't help it.

02:05:02.000 His hand will just slowly creep out of his pocket.

02:05:04.000 I don't even think he knows.

02:05:05.000 It's like driving for us.

02:05:07.000 That's so funny. 1.00

02:05:09.000 He's always fucking around. 1.00

02:05:10.000 He's always fucking around. 0.99

02:05:12.000 He's a fun dude. 0.99

02:05:12.000 He is. 0.99

02:05:13.000 I don't think he's doing his podcast anymore.

02:05:15.000 Really?

02:05:15.000 He should be.

02:05:16.000 He's so funny.

02:05:17.000 We do protect our parks together.

02:05:19.000 Where me and Shane and Norman and Ari all get together and get hammered and say a bunch of atrocious things. 0.98

02:05:27.000 It's a ridiculous show. 0.94

02:05:28.000 So fun. 1.00

02:05:28.000 It's a ridiculous show. 1.00

02:05:30.000 So he still does that. 0.65

02:05:32.000 And he does other people's podcasts, but I think he's kind of done.

02:05:35.000 He's still updating it.

02:05:36.000 I mean, unless he stopped recording.

02:05:37.000 Why did I hear he's done?

02:05:38.000 Why am I spreading misinformation?

02:05:40.000 Today.

02:05:41.000 He put one out today with Dave Smith.

02:05:42.000 Who told me?

02:05:43.000 Someone told me.

02:05:44.000 I don't know.

02:05:46.000 When you were saying that, though, I feel like I was remembering that same memory.

02:05:50.000 Maybe Ari was saying he was done with it, but I just Googled it, and he's putting them out once a week still.

02:05:54.000 All right.

02:05:54.000 We can talk him out of it still, then.

02:05:56.000 Because that's what he did.

02:05:58.000 I didn't know that that's where that was going.

02:06:01.000 It was a plot twist.

02:06:05.000 I meant it the other way.

02:06:07.000 I meant it the good way.

02:06:08.000 You talk them back in.

02:06:09.000 You talk them back in is what I meant. 0.67

02:06:11.000 You girls are so mean. 1.00

02:06:13.000 You immediately took it the wrong way.

02:06:16.000 So Ari quit doing his podcast a long time ago when he went on that walkabout.

02:06:22.000 Do you guys know Ari went on a walkabout in Asia for like four months by himself?

02:06:26.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:06:26.000 This crazy motherfucker. 1.00

02:06:27.000 When he fell off the grid. 1.00

02:06:29.000 He got a flip phone.

02:06:29.000 He got the flip phone.

02:06:30.000 This bitch got a flip phone, would occasionally check in through some internet cafe. 1.00

02:06:34.000 He'd send a bird to Joe's window. 1.00

02:06:36.000 He stole all of his information.

02:06:37.000 He had a birder account. 1.00

02:06:38.000 A crow would come drop off a fucking letter to Joe and have a tab of acid in it. 0.99

02:06:42.000 He's traveled around the countries. 1.00

02:06:45.000 Just like seeing Asia.

02:06:47.000 Ari's one of the most interesting people in the world.

02:06:49.000 He's a wild boy.

02:06:50.000 He really is.

02:06:51.000 He's a real wild boy.

02:06:52.000 Not that other fellow we were talking about.

02:06:55.000 I already forgot the other fellow.

02:06:56.000 Oh, yeah.

02:06:57.000 Oh, yeah.

02:06:59.000 Ari's a real wild boy.

02:07:00.000 Good kind.

02:07:01.000 Yeah, he is.

02:07:01.000 Yeah, there's him on the Great Wall of China holding up the Chinese flag.

02:07:08.000 He's so crazy.

02:07:09.000 A lot of comics talk about stopping Asian hate. 0.96

02:07:11.000 Put that back up.

02:07:13.000 But I'm the only one in the comedy world willing to pledge my allegiance to the Chinese. 0.97

02:07:24.000 The Chinese fascist regime.

02:07:26.000 I, along with LeBron James, Joe Biden, are leading the way in doing business with the people who are leading the world in violence against Asians, but it's not the right kind of Asian, so it's fine. 1.00

02:07:36.000 I love you, China.

02:07:37.000 You're the great world leaders of our time.

02:07:39.000 Hashtag stop Asian hate.

02:07:41.000 Oh my God.

02:07:42.000 Look at him just by himself. 1.00

02:07:44.000 That's one of the greatest poses ever, because he looks like shit. 0.99

02:07:46.000 You know, it's like the most unselfiest selfie pose. 1.00

02:07:50.000 He looks like he's seen some shit. 1.00

02:07:52.000 Well, he has been. 1.00

02:07:54.000 He's been eating street food for the last four months.

02:08:00.000 He came back and told us about gutter oil.

02:08:02.000 Did you know about gutter oil?

02:08:04.000 Maybe he told me about that before.

02:08:05.000 Anyway, that's where I remember it.

02:08:07.000 Was it from that time, from the walkabout?

02:08:10.000 He went over there to do shows, I think.

02:08:12.000 He did like three or four shows and came back and talked about it.

02:08:14.000 So he told us that there's a market for people that take sewage and process the oil out of sewage and resell it as cooking oil.

02:08:27.000 Because if you take raw sewage...

02:08:29.000 Oh, hell to the no. 1.00

02:08:31.000 I'm going to start fucking yakking just watching this. 0.99

02:08:34.000 That's how I feel. 0.99

02:08:40.000 I'm just faking it.

02:08:42.000 But it does make me gag.

02:08:44.000 But that's all sewage.

02:08:47.000 So they're boiling it and the oils come to the surface and somehow or another they separate the oils Are these the cooking oils?

02:08:53.000 Where are these going?

02:08:54.000 I don't know, but they're using it for food in places.

02:08:56.000 Like here, they're cooking food in it.

02:08:58.000 Yeah, I'm good on the gutter oil.

02:09:00.000 It seems like a lot of work.

02:09:03.000 But cooking oil is hard to get.

02:09:06.000 Here's a thought.

02:09:07.000 Where's cooking oil coming from?

02:09:09.000 What are you using?

02:09:11.000 There's avocado oil, there's a lot of oils that you use.

02:09:16.000 Those are expensive to extract from things.

02:09:18.000 You gotta go get them.

02:09:20.000 Or you gotta buy them, somebody does it in a factory, and then they sell it to you, and you got canola oil.

02:09:25.000 And now you have monkey slaves. 1.00

02:09:27.000 Yes, they say that they like enslave monkeys to go get coconuts in the trees, and it's their full-time jobs.

02:09:33.000 That sounds sad for the monkeys.

02:09:35.000 I know!

02:09:36.000 What's sadder?

02:09:37.000 That or all tigers being in zoos?

02:09:40.000 Not tigers versus monkeys.

02:09:44.000 All tigers being in zoos.

02:09:46.000 I think monkeys.

02:09:47.000 My grandmother had a monkey. 1.00

02:09:49.000 What?

02:09:49.000 Did it eat her face?

02:09:50.000 The monkey's name was Chi-Chi. 0.59

02:09:51.000 Chi-Chi used to bite people. 1.00

02:09:52.000 I bet Chi-Chi did. 0.99

02:09:53.000 Nobody could go near Chi-Chi. 1.00

02:09:54.000 And what did the monkey do?

02:09:55.000 Well, the monkey bit...

02:09:57.000 I think the monkey bit...

02:09:59.000 I'm pretty sure it was my cousin.

02:10:02.000 It's one of those weird ones.

02:10:04.000 I blocked it out, I think, because I was very young.

02:10:06.000 I think I was probably like five.

02:10:08.000 And the monkey was wild.

02:10:09.000 And she had a monkey, and the monkey would open pieces of gum, like undo the wrapping. 0.97

02:10:14.000 I was like, this is wild.

02:10:15.000 In your face.

02:10:15.000 But the monkey did not like kids, and she did not like anybody coming over the house that was going to take attention from the monkey.

02:10:22.000 The monkey had a relationship with my grandmother.

02:10:24.000 I don't need a scorned monkey. 1.00

02:10:26.000 It was weird.

02:10:27.000 So after the monkey bit one of the relatives, they had to get rid of the monkey.

02:10:32.000 I don't know what they did.

02:10:32.000 I'm glad they got rid of it.

02:10:34.000 Because you know some crazy people, they keep the monkey after it attacks.

02:10:38.000 Yeah, my grandmother was pretty eccentric.

02:10:41.000 But I don't think she was that eccentric.

02:10:42.000 She had a monkey. 0.99

02:10:43.000 She did have a monkey. 1.00

02:10:45.000 Let's go back to baseline.

02:10:47.000 That's crazy!

02:10:48.000 My grandmother was wild.

02:10:49.000 When you put your monkey in overalls...

02:10:52.000 You know it's time.

02:10:53.000 Yeah, that's an issue.

02:10:53.000 Was he in like a Hawaiian shirt?

02:10:55.000 My grandmother did time.

02:10:57.000 Because she wouldn't rat out the mob.

02:10:58.000 She was running numbers.

02:11:00.000 So my grandmother worked for this...

02:11:01.000 Because the monkey was running the numbers on the calculator.

02:11:03.000 No, my grandmother was doing it. 0.87

02:11:05.000 That's crazy.

02:11:06.000 And then she's like, I don't know nothing.

02:11:08.000 They put her in jail. 1.00

02:11:09.000 So we were always like, where's grandma?

02:11:10.000 And they were like, oh, grandma's visiting Aunt Jeannie.

02:11:15.000 For five years?

02:11:17.000 Some aunt.

02:11:19.000 She'll be back eventually.

02:11:20.000 How much time? 1.00

02:11:22.000 Knitting fucking sweaters for the guards. 1.00

02:11:25.000 Legitimately. 1.00

02:11:26.000 How much time did she do?

02:11:28.000 I think she did like six months.

02:11:30.000 That's real.

02:11:31.000 Yeah.

02:11:31.000 She did some time.

02:11:33.000 She's not a rat. 0.66

02:11:34.000 But that's what they used to have back then.

02:11:36.000 That was the neighborhood lottery.

02:11:38.000 It was called the numbers.

02:11:39.000 My grandmother was always talking about the numbers.

02:11:41.000 Wait, I remember this.

02:11:41.000 She was always talking about missing the number.

02:11:43.000 In Puerto Rico, they're still doing that.

02:11:45.000 I just went.

02:11:46.000 They still do it.

02:11:47.000 I bet they do it in Miami.

02:11:48.000 I bet they do it in a lot of immigrant communities.

02:11:49.000 They trust the numbers.

02:11:51.000 They trust the people running the numbers more than they trust the state lottery.

02:11:54.000 It makes so much more sense.

02:11:55.000 Yeah, and people win.

02:11:56.000 It's a real thing.

02:11:58.000 Obviously, the mobs getting their cut, and the people who run it are getting their cut, but it does work.

02:12:05.000 I don't understand how it works, because they come up to you with a binder, and there's a bunch of things laminated, and they're like, pick one, and if we win, we'll find you.

02:12:13.000 It's like, where?

02:12:14.000 I don't know.

02:12:15.000 Where?

02:12:15.000 We're at a bar.

02:12:16.000 It's 2 p.m.

02:12:17.000 Where will I see you again?

02:12:19.000 I just have this coupon.

02:12:20.000 I gave you $100.

02:12:22.000 Right.

02:12:22.000 If I meet someone with a binder and laminated pages, I'm walking away.

02:12:26.000 No, because they said my uncle used to win all the time.

02:12:29.000 You know where they get you?

02:12:30.000 Where?

02:12:31.000 At the airport.

02:12:32.000 You know why?

02:12:32.000 Because at the airport, you're already following instructions.

02:12:35.000 At the airport, you're used to listening to people.

02:12:37.000 You go into a mindset.

02:12:38.000 You go into a mindset of you have to be disciplined, stay in the line, can't talk loud, put all your stuff down.

02:12:45.000 I almost got trafficked at the airport.

02:12:47.000 I saw some guy was like, taxi, taxi.

02:12:50.000 I go, okay.

02:12:50.000 She got into the rogue guy yelling taxi.

02:12:54.000 She got into the gypsy taxi. 0.99

02:12:55.000 And then I get in there and I go, where's the meter?

02:12:58.000 And he's like, there's not a meter.

02:13:00.000 And I was like, yeah, because this is not a real cab.

02:13:01.000 Give me back my stuff.

02:13:02.000 And he's like, that's fine.

02:13:04.000 I'm not going to take you anywhere.

02:13:05.000 There's cameras.

02:13:06.000 Look.

02:13:06.000 And I was like, give me back my stuff.

02:13:08.000 Cameras?

02:13:09.000 Oh, you're in control of those cameras. 1.00

02:13:11.000 You're murdering me, you fucking psycho? 1.00

02:13:14.000 Your cameras? 1.00

02:13:15.000 Oh, we're safe.

02:13:17.000 As long as you're filming this atrocity.

02:13:19.000 Thank God. 1.00

02:13:20.000 Yeah, Jesus fucking Christ. 0.99

02:13:22.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:13:22.000 You get into this mindset, I think, at the airport. 1.00

02:13:26.000 It's a unique place where everybody obeys.

02:13:28.000 Everybody listens.

02:13:30.000 Everybody gets in line. 0.99

02:13:31.000 Everybody has to take their belt off and all the other shit. 0.99

02:13:34.000 Take your shoes off. 0.99

02:13:35.000 Everybody has to do it.

02:13:36.000 So because you get into this mindset of you wait in line for whatever group number they're calling, and you find your seat, you put your bag up, you check your bag.

02:13:45.000 And you've given them all your money.

02:13:47.000 The flights are expensive.

02:13:49.000 You're waiting for your bags to come.

02:13:50.000 Everybody has to keep it together.

02:13:51.000 It's very rare that people don't keep it together at the airport.

02:13:54.000 Well, that's also why it has to be why they make it so expensive, too, because then you have something to lose.

02:13:58.000 They're like, you have to be able to fly.

02:14:00.000 I paid all this money.

02:14:01.000 We have to get there because I can't buy another one.

02:14:03.000 Yeah.

02:14:05.000 When you get all those people together, everybody kind of follows the rules.

02:14:08.000 It's one of the most follow-the-rules places in our society, is the airport.

02:14:12.000 That's true.

02:14:12.000 So when you leave there, and someone comes up to you with a binder, and this page, this nonsense story, and a bucket, open bucket with cash in it, you just want to like, what's going on?

02:14:23.000 Sarah, right before you got on the plane, what did you buy in Vegas after Skank Fest?

02:14:29.000 Don't bring it up.

02:14:30.000 Not to Joe.

02:14:31.000 What did you buy?

02:14:32.000 A timeshare.

02:14:33.000 You bought a timeshare?

02:14:34.000 She called me up, she's like...

02:14:36.000 They got you.

02:14:36.000 She's like, we got a free trip, but we gotta go.

02:14:41.000 I said, we, bitch. 1.00

02:14:44.000 I said, mommy bought a timeshare in Sedona, and she's taking... 1.00

02:14:49.000 She didn't say timeshare first.

02:14:51.000 I didn't know it was a timeshare.

02:14:52.000 Oh my god, I miss you, girl.

02:14:55.000 She calls me, Joe.

02:14:56.000 She calls me and she goes, Kim, you gotta get downstairs before you get on the flight.

02:15:01.000 There's a guy named Rick.

02:15:02.000 He's got a good deal for you, too.

02:15:06.000 It was after Skankfest!

02:15:08.000 It got us at our weak point.

02:15:10.000 It was after Skankfest.

02:15:11.000 I was exhausted.

02:15:12.000 I was concussed.

02:15:14.000 That's when they get you in timeshares.

02:15:15.000 They don't use the word timeshare.

02:15:18.000 They call it a luxury vacation.

02:15:20.000 And I go, that sounds nice.

02:15:21.000 But they also lied to her and they said they knew about the festival she was at and they were doing a thing for the people at the festival.

02:15:26.000 Oh, they lied to you.

02:15:28.000 Yeah.

02:15:28.000 Because you told them you were at Skankfest.

02:15:30.000 Yeah, they were like, what are you like?

02:15:31.000 Everybody in Vegas is at Skankfest.

02:15:33.000 This is the project I'm working on. 0.99

02:15:34.000 Do you know about this bitch podcast? 1.00

02:15:37.000 Hi, fake Bono. 0.99

02:15:38.000 Let me tell you my story.

02:15:42.000 Sarah gets got.

02:15:43.000 Listen, it happens.

02:15:45.000 I'm a trusting, lovable girl.

02:15:47.000 She is.

02:15:48.000 She's very lovable.

02:15:49.000 That's what it is.

02:15:49.000 That's probably better than being an untrusting person.

02:15:53.000 There's a guy with his leg cut off. 0.88

02:15:55.000 I'm like, get away from me, scammer. 0.97

02:15:57.000 Jesus Christ.

02:15:58.000 I'm like, la la la la la.

02:16:00.000 La la la la.

02:16:02.000 Oh, what happened to your leg?

02:16:03.000 Remember at the beach, the old man?

02:16:05.000 Oh, yeah.

02:16:06.000 The old man at the beach.

02:16:07.000 We were at the beach, and this old man came up, and he's talking to us, and we're petting his dog.

02:16:12.000 And you can tell he's this old Malibu rich dude, and he's like, yeah, I just wish I could.

02:16:17.000 She loves to run.

02:16:18.000 No, the dog.

02:16:19.000 Yeah, you talk about the dog.

02:16:20.000 She loves to run.

02:16:21.000 I wish I could run her up on the beach, but my knee hasn't worked for years.

02:16:24.000 And Sarah's like, I'll run her.

02:16:25.000 He's like, oh, you would?

02:16:27.000 And then Sarah's suddenly in this thong running this dog up and down the beach and the dude's so into it. 1.00

02:16:33.000 He was a pervert. 0.88

02:16:34.000 I thought I was helping out a nice man who needed his dog. 0.99

02:16:38.000 Yeah, it was a thing he does to young women. 0.77

02:16:40.000 And I watched it go down and I couldn't stop laughing because the dog was out of control too.

02:16:46.000 He was Beauregard.

02:16:50.000 This is the best story ever.

02:16:52.000 Sarah's running.

02:16:53.000 She's in a snakeskin bathing suit.

02:16:55.000 This guy's like, keep running.

02:16:56.000 Is he filming this? 0.98

02:16:57.000 No, he's so perverted. 0.95

02:16:58.000 Was he filming it? 0.97

02:16:59.000 With his eyes.

02:17:01.000 Yeah, with his memory.

02:17:02.000 You probably couldn't believe you did it.

02:17:04.000 He was like, my knees are bad. 0.97

02:17:06.000 I'm like, oh, that sucks.

02:17:07.000 I'll walk your dog. 0.84

02:17:08.000 Yeah, he wasn't filming it, but it was in a bank of sorts.

02:17:11.000 Yeah.

02:17:14.000 I saw right through it when he was talking to us because I'm looking around at all these young men that could help him run the dog up and down the beach and I'm like he's not coming up to us because we look athletic and we're gonna run the dog.

02:17:26.000 Maybe I do look athletic.

02:17:28.000 I get offended.

02:17:30.000 Not that we look unathletic but it was just very clearly a trick.

02:17:34.000 But she ran Beauregard and then the dog started snapping. 1.00

02:17:37.000 And you watched that trick go down.

02:17:38.000 Yeah.

02:17:39.000 When did you know it was a trick? 1.00

02:17:40.000 As soon as he started talking to us, the second he opened his mouth, I could see it in his horny ass eyes. 1.00

02:17:46.000 Oh, his horny ass eyes. 1.00

02:17:49.000 Sarah has the heart of a nurse, so Sarah's like, his knees. 1.00

02:17:54.000 His horny ass eyes. 1.00

02:17:56.000 I look over, Sarah's rubbing CBD on his kneecaps. 1.00

02:17:59.000 Dude, if you ever do become a rapper, his horny ass eyes has to be your number one hit. 1.00

02:18:04.000 It took me by surprise. 1.00

02:18:07.000 With them horny ass eyes. 1.00

02:18:10.000 I thought it was a disguise. 1.00

02:18:13.000 But he gave me horny ass eyes. 1.00

02:18:16.000 Yeah, Beauregard got your ass. 1.00

02:18:19.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:18:19.000 And then after I go, yeah, that seemed weird. 1.00

02:18:21.000 She came back.

02:18:22.000 They were both...

02:18:23.000 Her and the dog were...

02:18:24.000 The dog didn't even want to run.

02:18:25.000 He was like...

02:18:26.000 The dog was like laying in the sand.

02:18:29.000 She was like dragging it. 0.98

02:18:30.000 I was like... 1.00

02:18:31.000 I was like, what the fuck is this? 0.99

02:18:33.000 I hate exercise. 0.99

02:18:34.000 He's like, this is my 14th run in Malibu today. 1.00

02:18:37.000 This fucking pervert changes underwear three times. 1.00

02:18:40.000 Another hot bitch running me. 1.00

02:18:42.000 Can you imagine if that's your thing? 1.00

02:18:44.000 Like, some guys play golf.

02:18:45.000 This guy pretends he's hobbling on the beach for his girls to run with his dog.

02:18:50.000 Call me Jaden, but I've seen the old hobble before. 0.72

02:18:53.000 That is...

02:18:54.000 But imagine if, like, that's your thing.

02:18:56.000 That's what you get up to do, you know?

02:18:58.000 Yeah.

02:18:58.000 You're not getting up to play chess.

02:19:01.000 Can I tell you?

02:19:03.000 Can I tell you, Joe, as a woman, I mean, as a man, you would be surprised to see the tricks that have been trucked.

02:19:15.000 Oh, I wouldn't be surprised. 1.00

02:19:16.000 Men are disgusting. 1.00

02:19:17.000 Disgusting. 1.00

02:19:19.000 Mustache disguises, all the tricks in the book for some pussy, dude. 1.00

02:19:23.000 It's crazy. 1.00

02:19:25.000 Crazy.

02:19:26.000 It is insane.

02:19:28.000 Well, if you really wanted to think about it, for a lot of men, women is... 0.57

02:19:36.000 They're not just other human beings, but they're other human beings that have this insane gift of immense pleasure.

02:19:45.000 They're so different than men. 0.94

02:19:47.000 I know.

02:19:48.000 And when you're a guy and women don't like you, it's baffling.

02:19:54.000 You're like, there's this thing that everybody wants, and if I could get that thing, I would have this insane pleasure.

02:20:01.000 Because like...

02:20:01.000 Remember the first time you were ever intimate with someone?

02:20:05.000 Like when you were young?

02:20:06.000 Yeah.

02:20:06.000 And you're like, this is so wild.

02:20:09.000 Yeah.

02:20:09.000 Like the whole, it's wild.

02:20:10.000 Yeah.

02:20:11.000 It's a weird feeling.

02:20:12.000 Yeah.

02:20:12.000 Like all of a sudden you become like hugely addicted.

02:20:15.000 Yeah.

02:20:15.000 To this like wild, weird feeling.

02:20:18.000 Yeah.

02:20:18.000 Now imagine if nobody wants to do that to you.

02:20:21.000 Nobody. 1.00

02:20:22.000 Then you write on YouTube and you say, you dumb bitch, you're not really smoking that blunt! 1.00

02:20:26.000 Now, here's the question. 1.00

02:20:28.000 Yeah, I'd take it out on a school hallway. 1.00

02:20:30.000 If robot fuck dolls can fix that. 1.00

02:20:34.000 Yes, we want that. 1.00

02:20:35.000 Is that what you want?

02:20:37.000 I would rather them f- Oh, wait.

02:20:39.000 Wait, what? 1.00

02:20:39.000 And then they're not hitting on us because they're fucking the bots? 1.00

02:20:42.000 Yeah, then they're done with you. 0.98

02:20:43.000 No, I don't like that either.

02:20:44.000 This lady who can speak five languages and she wears a miniskirt right now with no underwear on. 1.00

02:20:49.000 Yeah, go fuck her. 1.00

02:20:50.000 And she doesn't nag him. 1.00

02:20:52.000 Go fuck her. 1.00

02:20:52.000 She wants him to do it. 1.00

02:20:54.000 Yeah.

02:20:54.000 She wants him to do it.

02:20:55.000 She's not like, take out the trash! 0.99

02:20:57.000 Yeah, she's not even human.

02:20:58.000 But then there's something that they'll always know that they couldn't...

02:21:01.000 There's still that thing.

02:21:03.000 There's still that disconnect.

02:21:04.000 For now, but ten years from now, when she looks exactly the same, and everybody else is ten years older, and then ten years from there, and then ten years from there, and she's exactly the same. 0.99

02:21:14.000 And this old dude's getting fucking IV infusions and baby blood. 0.97

02:21:17.000 And Matthew McConaughey's voice. 1.00

02:21:18.000 He's like, that's what I love about my sex robots. 0.76

02:21:20.000 I keep getting older. 0.86

02:21:22.000 Yeah.

02:21:23.000 It's like, yeah, they do stay young. 0.89

02:21:25.000 Well, would you have a sex robot? 0.99

02:21:27.000 Sorry. 0.95

02:21:29.000 Uh, no.

02:21:30.000 You know what I think the real problem is?

02:21:31.000 It's not a sex robot.

02:21:32.000 The real problem is some sort of brain interface with a computer that allows you to have experiences that aren't real.

02:21:41.000 Like the movie Her?

02:21:43.000 Like sexual experiences.

02:21:45.000 I mean, any kind of experience.

02:21:47.000 Fantasy experiences. 1.00

02:21:48.000 Be a fucking Viking. 1.00

02:21:51.000 They're going to be able to give you a fake world in your brain. 1.00

02:21:55.000 You're going to be able to see it.

02:21:56.000 Well, yeah.

02:21:57.000 It does seem like VR is so crazy that more, and it's like, I remember the first time I did VR, I remember the first thought I had was that it was going to be a problem.

02:22:07.000 Because I was like, this is cooler than the room I'm in.

02:22:11.000 Right.

02:22:11.000 Like, I'd rather spend the day in this room.

02:22:14.000 It's weird because it's not there yet.

02:22:16.000 And it could also be a room.

02:22:18.000 You know what I mean?

02:22:18.000 You could be in a room, but just in a better room.

02:22:20.000 Oh yeah.

02:22:21.000 So it feels like the walls feel the same, and everything looks the same. 1.00

02:22:25.000 Oh yes, this shit is crazy. 1.00

02:22:28.000 The grieving mother who got to see her daughter again. 1.00

02:22:30.000 Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

02:22:32.000 And it talks.

02:22:33.000 No, no, no, I'm not.

02:22:35.000 Whoa, okay, okay, that's so crazy.

02:22:38.000 That just sent a chill at my spine.

02:22:40.000 That's so crazy.

02:22:42.000 That's the beginning of the end, folks, when you can't tell who's real and who's a computer-generated person that's saying amazing things to you.

02:22:50.000 Okay.

02:22:51.000 This is bumming me out, Jamie.

02:22:53.000 Yeah, that's sad.

02:22:54.000 Sad.

02:22:54.000 She got sad.

02:22:56.000 That's sad.

02:22:56.000 But, happy part is, dudes can get...

02:23:00.000 Can nut.

02:23:01.000 Can nut.

02:23:05.000 Thank you, mama.

02:23:07.000 You're welcome, mommy.

02:23:08.000 I think these things that they're seeing is just like a little bit of haptic feedback in the gloves and then the visual of the VR. But I think it's eventually going to be inside your mind.

02:23:17.000 They're going to be able to hijack whatever it is that lets you see things and however your brain interprets things.

02:23:22.000 Just hijack that.

02:23:24.000 And fill it with other information.

02:23:26.000 Fill it with Avatar Land.

02:23:29.000 Fill it with, like, literal experiences that aren't real, but that are more vivid than the experiences that you have.

02:23:35.000 And then you're not going to know what's what anymore.

02:23:37.000 I believe that.

02:23:38.000 Who knows what's real right now, anyways.

02:23:39.000 That might be already happening.

02:23:41.000 Yeah.

02:23:41.000 Who knows what's real right now, according to CIA. It's all made up anyways.

02:23:48.000 That's what the CIA says?

02:23:49.000 Yeah, CIA.gov, the gateway process.

02:23:51.000 They said you can just make things up and it happens.

02:23:54.000 Yeah, they said manifestation's real, and you can astral project.

02:24:00.000 The hemisphere sink. 0.98

02:24:01.000 There's so much misinformation on this podcast, this could get us all canceled.

02:24:05.000 That's kind of our thing.

02:24:08.000 What are you saying the CIA does what?

02:24:10.000 I found it in a red thread like six years ago.

02:24:12.000 A red thread?

02:24:13.000 A red thread.

02:24:14.000 It's real, Jamie?

02:24:15.000 It's from the website.

02:24:17.000 I didn't want to ruin this for her, but...

02:24:19.000 Just because it is on the website, but that just means that they were investigating it and they have a record of investigating it.

02:24:24.000 Doesn't mean that it is real or is able to be recreated.

02:24:27.000 But we read it.

02:24:29.000 So that means it's that.

02:24:30.000 So that means it's real?

02:24:31.000 And what does it say?

02:24:32.000 Can I see it?

02:24:33.000 Yeah, yeah, I'll pull it.

02:24:33.000 I mean, we've talked about it before on here with other people.

02:24:36.000 I'm pretty sure of this.

02:24:38.000 I think so, too.

02:24:39.000 It's like the people who sit in a room and can see stuff.

02:24:43.000 They said that the CIA has been having meetings in the astral realm since 1995. Yeah.

02:24:48.000 I interviewed one of these guys. 1.00

02:24:50.000 This shit. 1.00

02:24:50.000 The biofeedback. 1.00

02:24:51.000 Yes.

02:24:53.000 He tells you exactly how you can do it.

02:24:56.000 Like, he gives you a step-by-step.

02:24:57.000 He does the whole... 0.99

02:24:58.000 You know when you're in third grade and you do a science fair project and you have the hypothesis and he does the whole fucking thing. 0.99

02:25:04.000 He says what he thinks is gonna happen, then he fucking does it. 0.95

02:25:07.000 He tells you exactly what he used, the frequencies and the music he used. 0.99

02:25:11.000 He said you have to...

02:25:13.000 Meditate and listen to a specific frequency and once your brain connects the right and left It's called a hemisphere sync and that he describes exactly how think your thoughts become physical It was crazy.

02:25:26.000 It's crazy.

02:25:27.000 It was crazy It's so crazy What is this based on like where do you get this information?

02:25:35.000 I don't know.

02:25:36.000 I believed it because it was on the CIA website, and now Jimmy told me that they just investigated it.

02:25:42.000 So I guess my TikTok could be on there for all I know.

02:25:45.000 It's just one of those claims that someone made it, so they're like, all right, we'll check out what he's saying, and here's the report is kind of like what made it onto the website.

02:25:51.000 Seems like it is tasked to provide an assessment of the Gateway experience in terms of its mechanics and ultimate practicality.

02:26:00.000 As I set out to fulfill that, tasking it...

02:26:04.000 Soon became clear that in order to access the validity and practicality of the process, I need to do enough supporting research and analysis to fully understand how and why the process works.

02:26:17.000 So what is it saying though? 0.99

02:26:19.000 He said that he fucking did the research and he took the fucking time. 0.99

02:26:23.000 I read this whole thing front to back. 1.00

02:26:25.000 It took me like four weeks.

02:26:27.000 I had to Google a lot of words.

02:26:29.000 What did you get out of it?

02:26:29.000 I got out of it that he specifically went to a bunch of scientists, talked to a bunch of people.

02:26:34.000 He spent a really, really long time taking this seriously and that fucking all this shit that they're saying is real. 0.99

02:26:42.000 So that somehow or another you can... 0.99

02:26:47.000 Manifest things into reality with your mind.

02:26:51.000 With your mind and you can also travel the astral plane when you sync the left and right sides of your brain.

02:26:56.000 And he tells you how to link the left and right sides of your brain.

02:26:59.000 Does it have anything to do with your taint?

02:27:00.000 No.

02:27:01.000 I hope.

02:27:03.000 Your taint has to be a specific size.

02:27:05.000 You can't have a soft boy taint.

02:27:08.000 Left clip, top.

02:27:09.000 Yes.

02:27:10.000 But basically, it's really crazy.

02:27:12.000 It said that, yeah, exactly.

02:27:15.000 It makes holographic patterns, and that's how your thoughts become reality, through holograms.

02:27:21.000 Through physical light holograms and they become real things. 0.99

02:27:23.000 I would love to have someone who actually could understand this shit go through it. 0.99

02:27:27.000 I wish we were smarter. 0.99

02:27:28.000 Eric Weinstein is screaming at the...

02:27:31.000 Valley Girl Science?

02:27:33.000 This is actually the show we pitched to In-N-Out.

02:27:38.000 Oh, Fake Bono?

02:27:39.000 Yes, us getting high and doing fake bad science.

02:27:43.000 Yeah, that's what I was telling Fake Bono about.

02:27:46.000 We're all coming full circle.

02:27:48.000 How much do you think...

02:27:49.000 It affects, what is it?

02:27:51.000 How to escape the confines of time and space according to the CIA. In the 1980s, a spy agency investigated the gateway experience technique to alter consciousness and ultimately escape space-time.

02:28:03.000 Here's everything you need to know.

02:28:04.000 So they looked into this.

02:28:05.000 They gave a woman, they also have people that could do telekinesis and stuff, and they gave a woman, they put in like a 10-digit code, and they put it in a locker room in another state, and the woman was able to leave her mind and go into the vault with the code they gave her physically,

02:28:24.000 and then go in, and she could only, like most of the people that could do it, I think they said they had like 36 people that could do it, They could only bring back 8 out of 10 numbers.

02:28:35.000 It was always missing just a little bit.

02:28:38.000 Remote viewer in 1989, remote viewer Angela DeFloria Ford helps track down a former customs agent who has gone on the run. 0.95

02:28:49.000 She pinpoints his location as Lowell, Wyoming.

02:28:52.000 U.S. Customs apprehend him 100 miles west of a Wyoming town called Lowell.

02:28:58.000 See, it's always like a little off.

02:28:59.000 So it's a little off.

02:29:00.000 Lowell instead of Lowell.

02:29:01.000 See, she saw it in her head.

02:29:03.000 Yeah.

02:29:04.000 And can I tell you when I can I tell you something crazy is when I first read it on reddit that when I first read it on reddit like eight years ago I I tried to go go back and reference this page I read and the page wasn't in it anymore there was a page missing and it was the one about magic wands yeah the magic wand page it's gone we've been looking for it if that turns out to be true and that You can affect reality with your mind.

02:29:34.000 Yeah.

02:29:35.000 Why are we doing such a shitty job? 0.75

02:29:37.000 Because it takes a lot of... 0.58

02:29:39.000 It's like exactly what you said about, like, why doesn't everybody just do mushrooms and be chill?

02:29:43.000 It's like, because it's hard to get to that place because it almost feels better.

02:29:47.000 I don't know.

02:29:48.000 It's like the same way...

02:29:49.000 Being less aware?

02:29:50.000 Lower frequency?

02:29:51.000 What percentage...

02:29:52.000 There's also a lot of luck involved.

02:29:54.000 There's a lot of, like, different factors in how you get somewhere in life.

02:29:58.000 It can't all be a manifestation of your thoughts.

02:30:01.000 Like, maybe that's just a factor.

02:30:04.000 Maybe instead of it being a primary factor to your success or failure or whatever in life, maybe it is a factor. 0.67

02:30:11.000 But the other factors that maybe because we want to concentrate on this mystical one that we're missing out, there's a bunch of other shit that has to go into play too. 0.68

02:30:19.000 Like you have to be born in a place where you don't get hit by a drone when you're in a wedding party.

02:30:24.000 Unless everybody's own life is like its own thing.

02:30:27.000 And everything is just a backstory to your own story.

02:30:31.000 That's what Bert Kreischer believes.

02:30:35.000 That's...

02:30:35.000 Okay, well, that's...

02:30:37.000 No, Bert Kreischer believes you don't die.

02:30:39.000 Did I just find out I'm an alcoholic?

02:30:41.000 I don't think you die. 0.98

02:30:42.000 Prove to me you die.

02:30:43.000 I'm like, okay, dude.

02:30:44.000 I... You know what?

02:30:45.000 I guess you could philosophically say...

02:30:49.000 That you don't really know.

02:30:50.000 And you do go to sleep and you do wake up.

02:30:52.000 What's that all about?

02:30:53.000 What's going on when you're gone?

02:30:55.000 Don't even get me on sleeping because the anxiety I get before I fall asleep at night, I'm like, how is no one questioning this?

02:31:01.000 We're all laying down and closing our eyes and then going into this place.

02:31:07.000 You know, I dream the same place every single night for the last 10 years.

02:31:10.000 I go to the same place every single night. 0.99

02:31:12.000 I go to the same beach every single fucking night. 0.99

02:31:15.000 Sometimes we go to the same place in our dreams. 0.99

02:31:18.000 And one time I found a fucking video and people were talking about that they were going to the place that I go, the same exact beach. 0.94

02:31:25.000 They said, oh, but sometimes I stay in this hotel that's haunted, one of these rooms that's haunted, and that's exactly where I go. 0.99

02:31:32.000 You are a horror movie.

02:31:35.000 You're a literal horror movie.

02:31:36.000 What do you mean?

02:31:36.000 There was thousands of people that were saying that.

02:31:39.000 But horror movies are like that, right?

02:31:40.000 It's like everyone gets this message.

02:31:42.000 Like, we got this message.

02:31:43.000 What do you want to do?

02:31:44.000 I just feel like we should...

02:31:45.000 I feel like we should run this guy's dog down the beach.

02:31:48.000 There are other people that are going to say they dream of going to the beach every night, I bet.

02:31:51.000 But I bet that's a big thing.

02:31:53.000 The beach is a huge thing.

02:31:54.000 I bet there's people that dream of skiing every night.

02:31:57.000 The beach is always a nice place to go, so if you're trying to have a nice dream, you probably dream of going to the beach.

02:32:03.000 That's normal.

02:32:03.000 It's always nice, yeah.

02:32:04.000 But is it the same place?

02:32:05.000 Well, a lot of people, that was their beach.

02:32:08.000 The beach where you...

02:32:09.000 Is it a place you know of?

02:32:11.000 No.

02:32:12.000 It's not?

02:32:12.000 You've never been there?

02:32:13.000 No.

02:32:14.000 Where is it?

02:32:14.000 I don't know.

02:32:15.000 What is interesting about it?

02:32:17.000 Are there sharks?

02:32:18.000 They want their oil back.

02:32:20.000 The water... 1.00

02:32:20.000 Fuck your asthma. 1.00

02:32:22.000 They're pissing my dad. 1.00

02:32:25.000 The water's always really clear.

02:32:28.000 And, yeah, there's always a hotel.

02:32:31.000 I live in the hotel.

02:32:33.000 It's always like I get the nicest hotel and then one of the rooms is haunted.

02:32:36.000 So it's like I can't really enjoy myself there fully.

02:32:39.000 I have a similar dream.

02:32:41.000 And a lot of people, yeah.

02:32:42.000 And sometimes I'm in a hotel and I'm like, I have to get ready for my flight.

02:32:47.000 There's always a flight.

02:32:48.000 The flight.

02:32:49.000 And then I get on the flight and I can never leave the water. 0.99

02:32:53.000 I get on a flight, the plane will break in half and I'll parachute slowly back onto the fucking water. 0.98

02:32:59.000 And I'll be right back on the beach. 0.99

02:33:01.000 I was on a plane while I had this dream.

02:33:03.000 I fell asleep and I dreamed that we were flying through a tunnel.

02:33:07.000 And then you couldn't move to the left or to the right.

02:33:10.000 The plane had to stay in the center.

02:33:11.000 And the pilot was good at doing it, so we were okay. 0.99

02:33:14.000 But then we were flying through a fucking tunnel. 0.99

02:33:16.000 That's scary. 0.99

02:33:17.000 Except my eyes were closed.

02:33:19.000 And I was dreaming while I was on a plane.

02:33:21.000 I was like, oh my god.

02:33:22.000 Do you know what trips me out?

02:33:24.000 Sometimes I have dreams that I like see like a truck coming to hit me or something and then when I wake I'll wake up from the sound of a honking in real life like when I wake up a truck is honking at the same time that my dream was having that thing happened.

02:33:39.000 How does that happen?

02:33:40.000 That happens to people right?

02:33:41.000 What do you think is happening when you think about someone they call you?

02:33:45.000 Oh, I think that we live in a vibrational world and so if you're thinking about someone that there's a chance you're putting that out and that they're subconsciously picking up on it. 0.62

02:33:57.000 I thought I was just Puerto Rican and crazy. 1.00

02:34:01.000 I heard you talking shit. 1.00

02:34:02.000 Hello? 1.00

02:34:03.000 I feel it.

02:34:03.000 I feel it in the air.

02:34:08.000 Yeah, there's times when you think about someone and then they text you.

02:34:12.000 You can feel someone looking at you.

02:34:14.000 Yeah, they say that statistically, right?

02:34:16.000 Like, they've done tests on that, I think.

02:34:19.000 Was that Rupert Sheldrake?

02:34:20.000 Was that one of his?

02:34:21.000 Yeah.

02:34:23.000 It doesn't feel.

02:34:24.000 I don't think it's everybody and I don't think it's all the time.

02:34:27.000 It's not like you always know when people are watching you.

02:34:30.000 But it seems like it's more often than chance.

02:34:34.000 I think that's how they looked at it.

02:34:37.000 Because also you're in an unnatural environment.

02:34:39.000 So if they make you stay in a room, you don't know this room, you know you're a part of an experiment, you're sitting down.

02:34:47.000 There's a lot of weird factors in there that will interrupt the normal ability and frequency to just feel the world.

02:34:54.000 But if you're in your living room and then someone walks in your living room and you're like...

02:34:58.000 You just feel that they're in the living room, even though you didn't hear anything.

02:35:02.000 There might be something to that.

02:35:05.000 Not to bring up my school ADD again, but I used to yawn in class and see how many people I could get to yawn after my yawn.

02:35:15.000 What is that about? 0.94

02:35:16.000 That's a mental illness. 0.88

02:35:17.000 No! 0.99

02:35:21.000 I want to be the yawn leader. 0.93

02:35:24.000 I'm the yawn leader.

02:35:25.000 It's kind of funny. 0.98

02:35:27.000 It's a fucking interesting project. 0.96

02:35:28.000 I used to yawn and see how many people I could get to tag on. 0.99

02:35:31.000 The yawn captain.

02:35:33.000 I would do anything to not pay attention in school.

02:35:35.000 But yawns are weird. 1.00

02:35:35.000 Yawns are fucking. 1.00

02:35:36.000 Why are they contagious? 1.00

02:35:37.000 And why, when you're about to start tripping, do you do that a lot?

02:35:40.000 Oh yeah, mushrooms.

02:35:41.000 It's always like...

02:35:43.000 I yawn.

02:35:44.000 You know what I think?

02:35:45.000 You know what I noticed too is when I laugh a lot with my friends, even if I'm not on drugs, I'll start like...

02:35:49.000 My lungs will get like mucus-y.

02:35:51.000 Like my body starts to...

02:35:52.000 You need some more shark oil.

02:35:54.000 That's what it is.

02:35:55.000 You need shark oil.

02:35:56.000 I think it's getting rid of the mucus.

02:35:57.000 Don't bring up the mucus, mom.

02:35:59.000 Mommy?

02:36:01.000 Mommy, stop talking about your mucus to Joe. 0.95

02:36:04.000 You're embarrassing me.

02:36:04.000 I forgot we were on a podcast.

02:36:07.000 Leave the phlegm at home.

02:36:09.000 Honey.

02:36:10.000 Anyways, I flim.

02:36:11.000 In this wild dream, is there a way it always goes?

02:36:16.000 It's kind of just the same thing.

02:36:18.000 It's very Truman Show-esque where I've been trying to leave.

02:36:22.000 There's always like...

02:36:23.000 Even last night, I had a dream I was getting on a flight.

02:36:26.000 And it was like the whole time.

02:36:27.000 It's like when I'm about to get there, something happens.

02:36:29.000 The ticket doesn't work.

02:36:30.000 It's always like...

02:36:31.000 Uh-oh.

02:36:32.000 Look what happened.

02:36:33.000 Looks like you're stuck here again.

02:36:35.000 And it's not a bad place to be, but I keep wanting to be like, but I want to see what else there is.

02:36:39.000 And like trying to go somewhere.

02:36:41.000 I have a dream my teeth fall out like dominoes.

02:36:43.000 I touch one and then the other ones just crumble and they all just fall out.

02:36:47.000 I haven't had that.

02:36:48.000 Whoa.

02:36:48.000 That's crazy.

02:36:49.000 I hate it.

02:36:50.000 It's a reoccurring dream.

02:36:51.000 And then also that I'm in...

02:36:52.000 That's a common one.

02:36:53.000 And then I'm in high school and I don't know my locker code.

02:36:56.000 Ooh.

02:36:56.000 And I'm like, is it 38, 12, 07?

02:36:59.000 Fuck, I don't know what class I'm going to. 1.00

02:37:01.000 You wake up as an adult. 1.00

02:37:03.000 You're like, why was I stressed? 1.00

02:37:04.000 Bitch, you're almost 40. I had multiple dreams after I got out of high school that I somehow or another failed and I had to go back. 0.99

02:37:12.000 Yeah, that's the worst dream.

02:37:14.000 That's not one of mine.

02:37:14.000 That's crazy.

02:37:15.000 And then I had to make a decision like, am I going to be a high school dropout or am I going to do another year of high school?

02:37:20.000 Oh, doing another year of high school.

02:37:22.000 Oh my god.

02:37:23.000 I'm so free.

02:37:24.000 I'm almost free.

02:37:25.000 And then that was my dream.

02:37:28.000 I have that too.

02:37:29.000 I don't have that one.

02:37:30.000 School nightmares, still.

02:37:32.000 No way.

02:37:33.000 Yeah, that's a weird one.

02:37:35.000 I did have a friend die and I had a night terror the night that my friend died.

02:37:40.000 At the same exact time.

02:37:41.000 And I never had a dream.

02:37:43.000 So my dreams are pretty good.

02:37:45.000 They're at the beach all the time.

02:37:46.000 So I had a one really bad dream that woke me up out of my sleep that someone had killed themselves in front of me.

02:37:53.000 And I woke up like instantly crying and the next morning I got a call the same hour that it happened.

02:37:59.000 That's pretty trippy.

02:38:00.000 But that could also be the same thing as someone looking at you.

02:38:05.000 That could be a coincidence, the night that I had that bad dream.

02:38:08.000 It could be.

02:38:09.000 It could be that you remember it because of the fact that your friend did that.

02:38:13.000 Because if you didn't have that, you might not even have remembered it.

02:38:18.000 No, this is how I know.

02:38:19.000 Yeah.

02:38:20.000 You know what I'm saying?

02:38:21.000 How many times do you really accurately remember your dreams?

02:38:23.000 Well, this is how I know.

02:38:24.000 I was dating a guy and I woke up next to him and he was like, what's going on?

02:38:28.000 Because I never do that.

02:38:29.000 And I told him about my dream the moment it happened.

02:38:32.000 Oh, there you go.

02:38:33.000 Documentation.

02:38:34.000 Yes, and that's how I knew.

02:38:35.000 Because the next day I was like, did I tell you about that dream?

02:38:37.000 And he was like, yeah, you told me exactly that that happened.

02:38:40.000 That's not how he died, but he died.

02:38:43.000 Well, they don't know what dreams are really.

02:38:46.000 I mean, they know when people are in REM sleep.

02:38:48.000 They know that you should get a certain percentage of REM sleep in order to be fully recovered and rested and relaxed. 0.83

02:38:56.000 But there's a lot of weird shit about the consciousness of dreaming. 0.96

02:39:00.000 It's trippy. 1.00

02:39:00.000 A lot of weird shit. 1.00

02:39:01.000 Because we know the body produces endogenous psychedelic chemicals. 0.99

02:39:04.000 And is it doing that?

02:39:05.000 Is that what that is?

02:39:06.000 Is that why they're so hard to remember?

02:39:08.000 Because it's like psychedelic trips.

02:39:10.000 Like DMT Rome.

02:39:11.000 Yeah.

02:39:13.000 There's probably some kind of state that you go into when you're dreaming.

02:39:17.000 You know what's crazy about DMT is that it smells like morning breath.

02:39:22.000 It does.

02:39:25.000 Whenever I smell it, I'm like, it smells like morning.

02:39:27.000 It stinks.

02:39:28.000 You're talking about morning breath and mucus?

02:39:31.000 Yeah.

02:39:33.000 I'm doubling down, sweetie.

02:39:34.000 I thought you were being a soft girl.

02:39:36.000 You guys have two totally different strategies.

02:39:38.000 It's amazing.

02:39:40.000 Sarah, you're giving up your cards.

02:39:42.000 You're giving up too many cards.

02:39:45.000 You've got to let her go.

02:39:47.000 I'm telling you.

02:39:49.000 You can't pull her in because then people know you're scheming.

02:39:51.000 I'm not scheming.

02:39:52.000 No, you're not.

02:39:52.000 But you're trying to scheme for her.

02:39:55.000 Pull it in, lady. 1.00

02:39:56.000 I like to...

02:39:57.000 There's something to that, Joe.

02:39:59.000 Yes.

02:39:59.000 That it's a dream realm and it smells like morning breath.

02:40:03.000 Well, it only smells like that if you burn it.

02:40:06.000 You know, there's other ways of getting it into your body.

02:40:09.000 They're doing this long, slow IV drip in England now.

02:40:12.000 Interesting.

02:40:13.000 And they're mapping these experiences.

02:40:15.000 This was weird.

02:40:15.000 They're doing a long...

02:40:17.000 Full-in DMT experiences where they're going to the same places over and over again, and they're encountering very specific beings over and over again.

02:40:28.000 Yeah, like the purple lady. 0.82

02:40:29.000 There's this one purple snake-like lady that a lot of people have encountered, and if you go online, there's lots of people that have documented this purple snake.

02:40:37.000 Maybe, but what these guys are doing, they're doing it for hours and hours at a time in the DMT state because it's doing it through an IV. So this is like a completely unusual experience.

02:40:48.000 When I did DMT, it told me that the aliens are where the penguins are.

02:40:54.000 Okay, the ice wall.

02:40:56.000 It's the world's flat.

02:40:57.000 We're going back to the world's flat.

02:40:58.000 Do I think the world's flat?

02:41:00.000 Is that what I'm finding out about myself on this podcast?

02:41:02.000 It would be the greatest thing to find out ever.

02:41:05.000 But penguins do seem a little alien-like.

02:41:07.000 They do!

02:41:08.000 No, they don't at all. 0.99

02:41:09.000 They're like a bird that lives in a place where you have to be fat to stay alive because there's cold fucking water and leopard seals everywhere. 0.95

02:41:16.000 Do you ever see a leopard seal? 0.99

02:41:18.000 One of my favorite animals.

02:41:20.000 They don't even look like they're real.

02:41:22.000 Leopard seals look like an avatar animal. 0.98

02:41:24.000 All they do is just fuck up penguins. 1.00

02:41:28.000 They are the death of penguins. 0.99

02:41:30.000 They exist to eat penguins. 1.00

02:41:32.000 These motherfuckers. 1.00

02:41:33.000 Oh, they're cute. 1.00

02:41:34.000 They're so ferocious.

02:41:35.000 Look at that thing. 0.92

02:41:37.000 That's real.

02:41:38.000 I feel bad for the penguin.

02:41:39.000 That's so cute though.

02:41:40.000 That is a leopard seal.

02:41:42.000 They are ferocious monster predators.

02:41:44.000 Look at that poor little penguin. 0.80

02:41:46.000 Look at that image of that one on the ice there.

02:41:50.000 No, the one to the right of it, their face.

02:41:52.000 Yeah, right there.

02:41:54.000 I know, but look at the image from the video.

02:41:56.000 It's crazy.

02:41:58.000 That image is insane.

02:41:59.000 The blood on its face of that thing.

02:42:02.000 And they just jack penguins.

02:42:06.000 I don't like it. 0.88

02:42:09.000 They're the bullies of penguins. 0.87

02:42:11.000 I can't stand it. 0.58

02:42:11.000 Penguin patrol. 0.58

02:42:12.000 They're some of the most interesting animals ever.

02:42:15.000 Well, they're aliens, I'm telling you.

02:42:17.000 I didn't even know they existed until a few years back.

02:42:20.000 Quote me, when you find out penguins are aliens, you're going to remember this moment.

02:42:24.000 Yeah.

02:42:25.000 I think Squid.

02:42:26.000 I remember March of the Penguins.

02:42:28.000 That's when I found out about them.

02:42:29.000 What year was that?

02:42:30.000 Remember that?

02:42:31.000 That was like a big documentary.

02:42:32.000 Yeah, it was a big deal.

02:42:33.000 Everybody went to see the Penguin movie.

02:42:34.000 It was really cute.

02:42:35.000 It was.

02:42:36.000 Yeah.

02:42:37.000 It was amazing.

02:42:37.000 That and What the Bleep.

02:42:39.000 Everybody went to see What the Bleep and came back all spiritual.

02:42:41.000 Remember those days? 1.00

02:42:42.000 I don't remember any of this shit. 0.99

02:42:44.000 It's basically what the CIA was saying. 0.99

02:42:45.000 Yes.

02:42:46.000 That you manifest reality.

02:42:47.000 What the Bleep.

02:42:48.000 No one told me.

02:42:50.000 So maybe it's like a little bit of that and then also a lot of luck and also a lot of circumstance.

02:42:55.000 Discipline.

02:42:55.000 Good combo.

02:42:56.000 It's got to be a bunch of different things.

02:42:57.000 It's got to be, yeah.

02:42:59.000 It's a bunch of different things happening simultaneously.

02:43:01.000 You've got to be driven and showing up for your life.

02:43:04.000 Thinking that it's only...

02:43:05.000 Oh, she's back.

02:43:06.000 I'm going to motivate you.

02:43:09.000 She's back.

02:43:10.000 We need the music for her.

02:43:11.000 When you wake up in the morning, look in the mirror and say, I'm going to be the best me that I could be.

02:43:16.000 She's the best her that she could be on the Puerto Rican one in the background. 0.99

02:43:20.000 Yes.

02:43:21.000 Shankisms. 0.99

02:43:22.000 Yes.

02:43:23.000 You should sell a daily calendar with Shankisms every day. 1.00

02:43:28.000 Might not be a bad idea.

02:43:28.000 Come to my seminar.

02:43:30.000 Come to my seminar.

02:43:32.000 17 easy payments of $69.99.

02:43:35.000 Noice! 1.00

02:43:36.000 Listen, other comics have done it.

02:43:37.000 You guys should start life coaching.

02:43:39.000 No.

02:43:40.000 Why don't you mention that?

02:43:41.000 That's what I think the Vice article found out about the gateway process.

02:43:47.000 What?

02:43:48.000 The guy who was sort of like promoting it gave a convenient seven-day audio tape.

02:43:54.000 Shortcut to finding out how to do all this.

02:43:56.000 I'm trying to find a picture of the tapes.

02:43:57.000 They had the tapes on there.

02:43:59.000 Well...

02:44:00.000 Say that again?

02:44:01.000 He did a seven-day what?

02:44:02.000 So it's like an audio thing, and you have to keep listening to this audio to unlock it, I suppose is what it was saying.

02:44:07.000 No.

02:44:08.000 If you just listen to his tapes over and over again- It's a timeshare.

02:44:12.000 You can skip ahead.

02:44:13.000 We have to go to Arizona, Joe, this whole thing.

02:44:16.000 What?

02:44:17.000 He was selling these tapes that are, I guess, are a couple of different frequencies, and then they started pitching this thing called HemiSync.

02:44:26.000 And that is copywritten now, and there's websites selling all sorts of stuff about HemiSync.

02:44:31.000 We cannot achieve the state on our own.

02:44:33.000 The audio techniques developed by Bob Monroe and his institute, which comprise a series of tapes, claim to induce and sustain hemi-sync.

02:44:43.000 Here the document shifts to the usage of quotes and other reports describe the powers of hemi-sync.

02:44:48.000 Wayne employs the analogy of a lamp versus a laser.

02:44:52.000 Left to its own devices, the human mind expends energy like a lamp in a chaotic and incoherent way, achieving lots of diffusion but relatively little depth.

02:45:02.000 Under hemi-sync, though, the mind produces a disciplined stream of light.

02:45:07.000 This is the thing he wrote in the article, yeah.

02:45:09.000 So once the frequency and amplitude of the brain are rendered coherent, it can then synchronize with the rarefied energy levels of the universe.

02:45:18.000 With this connection intact, the brain begins to receive symbols and display astonishing flashes of holistic intuition.

02:45:26.000 Hell yeah.

02:45:27.000 I'm trying to go from lamp to laser.

02:45:28.000 Imagine how you just get out with a cassette player.

02:45:31.000 It's just a Walkman.

02:45:32.000 You have old school Walkman.

02:45:33.000 I thought this was the Beatles.

02:45:36.000 The last page of the report was missing, so a lot of people think that the hidden key is on that, but then they're like, it's probably not.

02:45:42.000 I told you.

02:45:43.000 Well, listen, what if it's real?

02:45:44.000 That's the thing. 0.97

02:45:45.000 If they really did figure something like that out, and if you really do listen to all seven of those tapes, then it unlocks some fucking potential. 0.94

02:45:53.000 We've got to find that tape. 0.57

02:45:55.000 Here to now, never been seen.

02:45:56.000 Some crazy new thing.

02:45:58.000 I'm down to try hemi-syncing.

02:46:00.000 It turns out it's just from some crazy dude figuring it out.

02:46:03.000 Just like everything else.

02:46:04.000 That would be wild.

02:46:05.000 Also, I wouldn't disbelieve that some dude figured it out and also is selling tapes.

02:46:09.000 Both of those can exist.

02:46:10.000 Right, why not?

02:46:11.000 Yeah.

02:46:12.000 I mean, I think it's a perfect cover.

02:46:13.000 I'd be peddling tapes too.

02:46:15.000 Yeah, me too.

02:46:16.000 If I had the answers like that...

02:46:19.000 But they're kind of barely peddling tapes, if you really think about it.

02:46:21.000 It's not a lot of marketing put into this.

02:46:23.000 A low-key tape pedal.

02:46:25.000 They go, if you want it, come get it.

02:46:27.000 Old school cassettes.

02:46:28.000 That's their logo.

02:46:29.000 You want it?

02:46:30.000 Come get it.

02:46:31.000 Maybe that makes me think they're legit now.

02:46:34.000 What if it's real?

02:46:35.000 What if you go up there and they really are doing that?

02:46:37.000 And that's why nobody wants to leave.

02:46:40.000 What if they really do have some sort of process where through sound you can achieve this state of unveiling?

02:46:47.000 The universe exposes itself to you the way it really is.

02:46:51.000 That is tight and I would like to go to the astral plane.

02:46:55.000 I hate to be a 14 year old boy about it, but that's tight!

02:46:58.000 That's tight! 0.99

02:46:59.000 The TikTok kids are claiming that they're fucking in the astral plane. 1.00

02:47:03.000 That they sneak off in their heads and that's where they have sex. 1.00

02:47:05.000 Whoa. 0.99

02:47:06.000 Isn't that crazy?

02:47:06.000 Yeah, I'm trying to link up with a man on the astral plane.

02:47:09.000 Maybe Zuck.

02:47:10.000 Maybe that's where they are.

02:47:11.000 Yeah, you go and it's Zuck.

02:47:12.000 He already got that market.

02:47:14.000 We gotta find a different plane.

02:47:16.000 He's a black belt in the astral plane. 1.00

02:47:18.000 Yeah.

02:47:19.000 Not Zuck being a black belt in his other realm. 1.00

02:47:22.000 Yeah.

02:47:26.000 What did you call it?

02:47:27.000 An Uma Plata? 0.86

02:47:29.000 What did you call it?

02:47:31.000 I don't know, Kim.

02:47:32.000 That was so long ago.

02:47:34.000 You can't let it go.

02:47:36.000 I love it.

02:47:37.000 She gave you bad jujitsu nomenclature.

02:47:40.000 So cute.

02:47:41.000 Triangle.

02:47:42.000 The triangle's deadly.

02:47:44.000 You and Zuck?

02:47:44.000 Remember when you put that girl, you used the arm bar in the Beverly Hills against the Beverly Hills?

02:47:50.000 A girl tried to trap Sarah in a bathroom. 1.00

02:47:52.000 What?

02:47:52.000 For no reason.

02:47:53.000 A drunk girl. 1.00

02:47:54.000 She said, don't fuck with me, I'm from Bel Air! 1.00

02:47:57.000 Out of nowhere. 1.00

02:47:58.000 She was dropping Bel Air gang signs. 0.99

02:48:01.000 And then Kim had to, she was like this drunk crazy girl, and Kim had to pull out a low-key jujitsu move to keep her back. 1.00

02:48:08.000 Nothing crazy, just trying to get Sarah out of the stall.

02:48:10.000 Just an arm bar.

02:48:11.000 Is that what they're called?

02:48:12.000 Yeah. 0.98

02:48:12.000 I had to get it on video, too, because I was like, this Bel Air bitch is going to have to sue me. 0.98

02:48:16.000 I was like... 0.99

02:48:18.000 Jesus Christ.

02:48:19.000 We get into situations.

02:48:21.000 It gets rowdy out there in the streets.

02:48:22.000 Yeah, sometimes you walk someone's dog.

02:48:24.000 The streets of Bel Air.

02:48:25.000 The streets of Bel Air are hard.

02:48:27.000 Gang gang.

02:48:27.000 You gotta be a hard person to survive.

02:48:30.000 Are there gangs in Bel Air?

02:48:31.000 Probably everywhere now.

02:48:32.000 Yeah.

02:48:33.000 That'd be a good move.

02:48:34.000 Make a lot of money.

02:48:35.000 You're a successful gang.

02:48:37.000 They're not living there, but...

02:48:39.000 I don't feel like there's many gangs in Bel Air.

02:48:41.000 She was in a gang in Bel Air. 1.00

02:48:43.000 This girl was in a sundress and she was like, don't fuck with me! 1.00

02:48:48.000 And she kept dropping the area code. 1.00

02:48:50.000 Yeah.

02:48:51.000 Yeah.

02:48:52.000 She was not kidding around.

02:48:53.000 Battle for Bel Air turns fatal as residents resist gang takeover.

02:48:57.000 What?

02:48:58.000 What if he saw that girl in the dress?

02:49:00.000 That's 2021?

02:49:02.000 There's gang violence in Bel Air.

02:49:05.000 Probably not Bel Air.

02:49:06.000 Los Angeles is where my next part was.

02:49:08.000 It's got to be more Bel Air.

02:49:09.000 What?

02:49:09.000 Yeah, it says Bel Air in Port-au-Prince.

02:49:12.000 Oh, Jesus Christ.

02:49:15.000 Maybe that's where that blonde girl was from. 1.00

02:49:18.000 Bel Air, Jamaica. 0.67

02:49:22.000 Yeah, that's why she's so cocky. 0.98

02:49:24.000 She's like, I got this.

02:49:26.000 That's hilarious.

02:49:27.000 Not a blonde in Jamaica. 1.00

02:49:29.000 Hey, would they run out of names?

02:49:31.000 Why is there two Bel Airs?

02:49:32.000 There's a Bel Air in the Baltimore area also. 0.99

02:49:34.000 Fuck is that all about it? 0.99

02:49:35.000 There's Paris, Texas. 1.00

02:49:36.000 There's Hollywood, Florida. 0.99

02:49:38.000 Ridiculous. 0.96

02:49:38.000 I don't love it either. 0.96

02:49:39.000 I think it's ridiculous. 0.74

02:49:41.000 I don't think you should be able to do that. 0.83

02:49:42.000 Let's get creative.

02:49:42.000 There's enough words.

02:49:43.000 Yeah.

02:49:44.000 Yeah, make something up.

02:49:45.000 Like, you know, Winnipeg.

02:49:46.000 I feel like that was made up on a whim.

02:49:48.000 It's just like...

02:49:52.000 Seems like there's plenty of names. 0.99

02:49:53.000 Thank you, Sarah, because Joe internally told me to fuck off after that one. 0.99

02:50:00.000 I saw it in your eyes. 0.99

02:50:05.000 Did they run out of town names? 1.00

02:50:08.000 For real, that's so stupid. 0.99

02:50:10.000 Why is there another Paris? 1.00

02:50:11.000 Don't you know about the real Paris?

02:50:13.000 Why'd you call yourself Paris?

02:50:14.000 This isn't Paris.

02:50:16.000 No, this is...

02:50:17.000 I feel like you were accusing me directly.

02:50:19.000 I got nervous.

02:50:20.000 I was like, I never called myself Paris. 0.99

02:50:21.000 You fucking did it, Kim. 0.99

02:50:22.000 This is like the Black Friday Paris. 1.00

02:50:25.000 Did you guys ever see the Paris that they recreated in China that's virtually vacant?

02:50:31.000 No.

02:50:33.000 They've made these...

02:50:36.000 Now, I'm assuming this is real, because this was quite a few years ago.

02:50:40.000 This was like before CGI was at its level that it's at now, because now anything can...

02:50:44.000 I mean, it's so hard to know what you're looking at.

02:50:48.000 But they used to have this...

02:50:50.000 There was a web series where they explored these places.

02:50:53.000 I forget who did it, but they have these videos of these towns that are like recreations of other cities in other parts of the world.

02:51:01.000 That's so crazy.

02:51:02.000 Yeah.

02:51:04.000 China's strange city of Paris.

02:51:06.000 So they have an Eiffel Tower, the whole deal.

02:51:09.000 So it's like Vegas, but they just...

02:51:11.000 But nicer.

02:51:12.000 But they've recreated a lot of Paris.

02:51:16.000 It's really crazy.

02:51:19.000 It's very interesting.

02:51:20.000 I don't know, like, how accurate it is.

02:51:22.000 Oh, there you go.

02:51:23.000 It says, like, it's a one-third replica of Diefel Tower, for instance.

02:51:25.000 It's, like, they expected 10,000 residents.

02:51:28.000 So it's not huge.

02:51:29.000 Wow.

02:51:30.000 Since there's only 10% of that, so there's, like, 1,000 people living there.

02:51:33.000 How weird.

02:51:34.000 So weird.

02:51:35.000 What a weird decision to, like, make.

02:51:37.000 It's kind of cool, though.

02:51:38.000 Like, let's make another Paris.

02:51:40.000 It is kind of cool.

02:51:41.000 There's something kind of cool about it.

02:51:43.000 Like, why not? 1.00

02:51:44.000 Fuck it. 1.00

02:51:44.000 Just one hotel open for guests, for foreigners? 1.00

02:51:46.000 As long as you don't pretend we're the real Paris.

02:51:50.000 Everyone's in berets.

02:51:51.000 It was always us.

02:51:52.000 Walking with bad guests.

02:51:54.000 Imagine if the Parisians are like, hey, hey, hey.

02:51:57.000 You guys are culturally appropriating.

02:51:59.000 They call themselves the originals.

02:52:02.000 Paris actually stole this from us.

02:52:04.000 You think maybe they were trying to do like a resort town?

02:52:07.000 Nomadasaurus.

02:52:07.000 Maybe, yeah.

02:52:08.000 There's an Eiffel Tower in Ohio at Kings Island.

02:52:11.000 It's been there forever.

02:52:12.000 It's on the Brady Bunch back in the 70s.

02:52:13.000 It was on the Brady Bunch.

02:52:14.000 That's hilarious.

02:52:15.000 Well, like, you know, they just made one.

02:52:16.000 It's huge.

02:52:18.000 Why make the Eiffel Tower there?

02:52:19.000 Just make something big.

02:52:21.000 Yeah.

02:52:22.000 How many Statues of Liberty are there?

02:52:25.000 We got ours.

02:52:26.000 Did anybody ever make their own?

02:52:28.000 Like the France gave it to us, right?

02:52:31.000 Yeah.

02:52:31.000 The French gave it to us.

02:52:32.000 Yeah.

02:52:33.000 And then did anybody else say, I want one to make their own?

02:52:37.000 What's up, France? 0.99

02:52:38.000 You could just like shit on anything that's ever made and been like, I'm gonna make one too and show you how unspecial that is. 0.99

02:52:44.000 Oh, so you have a Paris? 0.99

02:52:45.000 I have a Paris too.

02:52:48.000 They built their own Paris.

02:52:49.000 There is a second one in Paris.

02:52:51.000 See?

02:52:51.000 There we go.

02:52:52.000 They made two and there's several smaller ones.

02:52:54.000 But I think I've seen the one in Paris is like, it's smaller though.

02:52:57.000 Let me see if I can find a picture.

02:52:58.000 Yeah, show me.

02:53:01.000 Here's one thing they're not gonna make. 1.00

02:53:03.000 The fucking pyramids. 1.00

02:53:06.000 The pyramids. 1.00

02:53:07.000 It's like the classier kind of version.

02:53:09.000 It's like not so in your face.

02:53:10.000 Yeah, it's not in the middle of the ocean either.

02:53:12.000 It looks much more accessible.

02:53:14.000 You don't have to get on a ferry. 0.93

02:53:15.000 Yeah, that's ridiculous. 0.98

02:53:16.000 Oh my god. 0.99

02:53:17.000 Get in a boat to go visit a statue.

02:53:19.000 Walk those stairs.

02:53:20.000 This is liberty.

02:53:22.000 May she reign forever.

02:53:25.000 Not George!

02:53:26.000 There's always a guy named George with you.

02:53:29.000 It's a statue from Paris.

02:53:31.000 That's hilarious.

02:53:32.000 That's crazy.

02:53:33.000 Like as if a statue is what's important.

02:53:37.000 You know what this means?

02:53:38.000 It's like absolutely nothing.

02:53:40.000 It means whatever you decide it means.

02:53:42.000 People get excited about statues.

02:53:44.000 It's kind of dope. 1.00

02:53:44.000 Whenever the shit goes down in a movie, if the Statue of Liberty is in the ocean, you know we're fucked. 1.00

02:53:50.000 That's actually so true. 1.00

02:53:52.000 It's floating by.

02:53:54.000 Just her eye. 0.99

02:53:55.000 If the Statue of Liberty is getting fucked up, we got a real problem. 0.99

02:53:57.000 You're right. 0.99

02:53:58.000 Yeah, we identify with that statue.

02:54:02.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:54:03.000 Like if an eagle gets killed, we're like, hey, not a fucking eagle. 1.00

02:54:06.000 Not the symbol for freedom! 1.00

02:54:09.000 Eagles.

02:54:10.000 Eagles are amazing.

02:54:12.000 Yeah, you don't want to see a dead eagle.

02:54:14.000 It's a bad sign for the times if you see an eagle on the road.

02:54:18.000 Not a dead eagle.

02:54:20.000 I watched a video of a bear climbing up a tree to kill an eagle.

02:54:23.000 Whoa.

02:54:25.000 It was like a juvenile eagle that was in the nest.

02:54:27.000 The bear just climbed up the tree and just grabbed the eagle.

02:54:32.000 Bears look so robotic to me.

02:54:36.000 They look animatronic.

02:54:38.000 Interesting.

02:54:39.000 Tell me they look like they would be a good cuddle.

02:54:42.000 So he's climbing up the tree to get to the eagle's babies.

02:54:46.000 And the eagle sees him climbing up the tree.

02:54:48.000 There's nothing she can do about it. 0.78

02:54:50.000 They got a big ass bear. 1.00

02:54:52.000 The dad eagle just flew by and was like, well, you're taking care of it for me.

02:54:56.000 That bear's taking a risk, too.

02:54:57.000 That's a small branch.

02:54:58.000 The eagles are just freaking out. 0.96

02:55:00.000 They can't do shit about it. 0.95

02:55:01.000 Oh, they're trying to save the babies? 0.98

02:55:02.000 Oh, yeah, for sure. 1.00

02:55:03.000 You can't do shit about it because you can't risk getting bitten by a fucking bear. 0.99

02:55:08.000 So he got up there. 0.99

02:55:09.000 Did you fast forward through it?

02:55:12.000 Right after that altercation, like right there, he gets up there and he bites the baby eagle and kills it.

02:55:19.000 So he's killing the juveniles and he drags them down.

02:55:23.000 Yeah, not for me. 0.89

02:55:25.000 It's crazy.

02:55:26.000 He's eating eagles.

02:55:28.000 Scary.

02:55:29.000 Imagine a world where you kill an eagle and you eat it. 0.99

02:55:32.000 You kill an eagle with your face and you eat it. 0.99

02:55:35.000 With your face? 0.99

02:55:36.000 So visceral, Joe?

02:55:38.000 Yeah, that's what they do. 0.51

02:55:39.000 They all kill animals with their face. 1.00

02:55:41.000 We can't kill jack shit with our face. 1.00

02:55:43.000 Our faces are fucking useless for killing things. 1.00

02:55:46.000 They really are. 1.00

02:55:47.000 They can kill everything with their face. 1.00

02:55:50.000 Fuck. 1.00

02:55:51.000 And they eat eagles. 1.00

02:55:52.000 Death by face?

02:55:53.000 That wasn't the first time he did that. 1.00

02:55:55.000 He's probably been eating eagles since fucking high school. 0.99

02:55:58.000 Yeah, we go eat eagles. 0.99

02:56:00.000 The way he was eating, that wasn't his first eagle. 0.99

02:56:02.000 No, he knew what the fuck was up there. 0.98

02:56:04.000 It wasn't like guessing games. 0.98

02:56:06.000 The thing is, what are those guys doing?

02:56:07.000 Just casually filming?

02:56:09.000 That bear seems hungry.

02:56:11.000 I see that video, I go, we gotta go.

02:56:12.000 He seems like that's not gonna fill him up.

02:56:14.000 The small little eagle?

02:56:16.000 It'll fill them up for a little while and they're scared of people.

02:56:18.000 That's a black bear.

02:56:19.000 Black bears are scared of people for the most part.

02:56:22.000 But not always.

02:56:24.000 They're very unpredictable.

02:56:25.000 But most of the time they don't want to have anything to do with people.

02:56:28.000 And the real problem is when you catch a mother near their cubs and you're unexpected.

02:56:31.000 They're better off knowing you're there for the most part.

02:56:35.000 Unless they're predatory.

02:56:37.000 And if they're predatory, if they're hungry, they'll try to eat you.

02:56:41.000 And that has happened to people before.

02:56:44.000 Getting mauled by a bear has to be one of the worst nature deaths.

02:56:47.000 Would you rather get eaten by a shark or mauled by a bear?

02:56:50.000 Eaten by a shark easily, right? 0.64

02:56:52.000 I'm going mauled.

02:56:52.000 I'm going shark.

02:56:53.000 Shark might just chop you in half and swim off and decide you taste like shit. 1.00

02:56:59.000 I feel like the shark might like the way I taste it. 1.00

02:57:03.000 The bear is going to tear your chest apart like an excited child opening up a Christmas present.

02:57:12.000 That was also a very visceral joke.

02:57:15.000 You just left this place. 0.99

02:57:17.000 They're going to open you up and eat your guts. 0.99

02:57:20.000 Alright, I'm going shark. 0.99

02:57:21.000 While you're still alive.

02:57:22.000 Because they don't kill you.

02:57:23.000 They don't have to kill you.

02:57:24.000 They just start eating.

02:57:26.000 You ever see what they do to salmon?

02:57:27.000 They just start eating.

02:57:27.000 They don't kill you first.

02:57:29.000 They don't care. 0.94

02:57:30.000 Cats kill you first.

02:57:32.000 Bears don't kill you first. 0.94

02:57:33.000 They don't have to.

02:57:34.000 They don't care.

02:57:35.000 You're not going anywhere.

02:57:36.000 I guess the right answer is shark.

02:57:38.000 I don't know if there's a good answer there. 1.00

02:57:40.000 They both suck. 1.00

02:57:41.000 Both those things suck. 1.00

02:57:44.000 What are you going? 0.99

02:57:45.000 Shark or bear?

02:57:46.000 I'm going shark all day, every day.

02:57:49.000 What about wolves?

02:57:53.000 I'm still going shark.

02:57:55.000 I feel like a wolf would be maybe better than a shark.

02:57:58.000 No way.

02:57:59.000 It wouldn't be one wolf.

02:58:01.000 No, it'd be a bunch of them.

02:58:04.000 When you paint that picture, I'm back at shark.

02:58:09.000 It was bear, shark, wolf, back to shark.

02:58:13.000 What do you think is the most pleasant animal death?

02:58:16.000 If you had to pick one.

02:58:17.000 Anaconda.

02:58:19.000 Ah, nice squeeze to death.

02:58:21.000 No, you think that's the most pleasant?

02:58:24.000 You just go to sleep.

02:58:26.000 The old erotic...

02:58:27.000 Auto-erotic asphyxiation.

02:58:30.000 What's it called?

02:58:31.000 Auto-erotic asphyxiation.

02:58:33.000 Yeah, that one. 1.00

02:58:34.000 The old jerk off with a belt. 1.00

02:58:36.000 In excess, he died from that. 1.00

02:58:37.000 Who?

02:58:37.000 In excess.

02:58:38.000 Yeah, the band?

02:58:39.000 The band.

02:58:40.000 What's his name from Kung Fu?

02:58:42.000 David Carradine?

02:58:42.000 The whole band?

02:58:43.000 No.

02:58:44.000 One guy.

02:58:45.000 I was like, they were all doing it together?

02:58:46.000 One, two, three guys.

02:58:47.000 Everyone, put on the mask.

02:58:49.000 Don't let go if you love us.

02:58:52.000 You always gotta wonder about those kind of deaths, though. 0.69

02:58:54.000 If you were gonna kill somebody, that's a good way to pose them.

02:58:57.000 That's true. 0.98

02:58:58.000 Yeah, because nobody wants to get involved in the jerk-off. 0.74

02:59:00.000 They're like, oh, God, leave him alone.

02:59:02.000 It's like being in someone's diary.

02:59:04.000 Not only that, it shames them in death.

02:59:06.000 If you were going to make it so that you shame them in death and you also...

02:59:15.000 You present, like, such a disgusting scenario that everybody wants to just cover it up because if that's really what he was into, like, oh, if this gets out, it'd be so embarrassing.

02:59:23.000 So it kind of, like, stifles the possibility of exploring whether or not they were killed.

02:59:28.000 It's just me being criminally minded. 1.00

02:59:30.000 If I was thinking that, if you're going to whack somebody, definitely put them in a fucking wet suit, shove a dildo up their ass. 1.00

02:59:39.000 And fucking tie a rope around their neck and have them like hanging there on the edge of a chair. 1.00

02:59:43.000 And it just, it fucked up. 1.00

02:59:44.000 It didn't work out. 0.99

02:59:46.000 When I get one, I'm like, oh, they were kinky. 1.00

02:59:49.000 They were into some shit. 1.00

02:59:51.000 I get maybe that guy was... 1.00

02:59:54.000 A piece of shit, and maybe somebody was very mad at him, or maybe a piece of shit was really mad at him and he was a really good guy. 1.00

03:00:00.000 But he couldn't keep his mouth shut. 1.00

03:00:03.000 Look, I think for sure there's been people that have done things like that before.

03:00:06.000 Of course, yeah, set it up. 0.97

03:00:08.000 It's a sick world. 0.99

03:00:10.000 It's a sick, sick world. 0.99

03:00:11.000 I'm not saying the NXX guy. 0.99

03:00:13.000 I'm saying like...

03:00:14.000 In the world of whacking people, there's some insane stories that people go, oh, looks like a suicide.

03:00:21.000 Oh, yeah.

03:00:22.000 Looks like a suicide.

03:00:24.000 Epstein. 0.99

03:00:25.000 Here's one even crazier.

03:00:27.000 There was a guy who was working for the Clintons.

03:00:30.000 They found him hanging from an extension cord at a ranch with a shotgun wound to his chest, but the weapon wasn't there.

03:00:38.000 And they called it a suicide.

03:00:41.000 Whoa.

03:00:42.000 Yeah.

03:00:43.000 Seems like he got whacked.

03:00:45.000 Yeah.

03:00:46.000 That one seems a little sus.

03:00:48.000 Well, the guy that runs Cash App.

03:00:52.000 Oh, no, no.

03:00:53.000 He got murdered by someone he knew.

03:00:56.000 They arrested the guy.

03:00:57.000 They arrested a guy.

03:00:58.000 He knew his sister.

03:00:59.000 And there was some sort of an altercation about him and his sister.

03:01:03.000 Likely story.

03:01:05.000 That is the likely story.

03:01:06.000 You don't think so?

03:01:07.000 It doesn't have to be that, either.

03:01:09.000 Oh my god, you're gonna peddle in baseless conspiracies.

03:01:12.000 She loves it!

03:01:13.000 She loves TikTok.

03:01:15.000 Shotgun did get discovered.

03:01:17.000 Okay.

03:01:18.000 So what, initially they didn't?

03:01:19.000 It was 30 feet from him.

03:01:21.000 Oh, Jesus.

03:01:22.000 That's pretty far, but still close.

03:01:24.000 Could you...

03:01:25.000 I don't know if you would...

03:01:27.000 I just...

03:01:28.000 Maybe.

03:01:29.000 Maybe that might work.

03:01:30.000 If you put it right on your chest and then blast it backwards and just let go of it, I wonder how far it would go.

03:01:37.000 But yeah, it says he was found with a cord around his neck.

03:01:41.000 Look at that.

03:01:42.000 And then shot himself.

03:01:43.000 Exactly what you said. 0.91

03:01:44.000 In the chest.

03:01:45.000 And Cash App, it's some weird thing where they can't trace it or it's something about the money.

03:01:51.000 See, now this is from the newyorkpost.com, right?

03:01:53.000 So we're not going to know.

03:01:55.000 Unless you talk to his family.

03:01:58.000 No one knows anything.

03:02:00.000 No one knows anything.

03:02:00.000 The earth is flat.

03:02:01.000 Just the fact that the guy was found.

03:02:03.000 And he was involved in the Epstein stuff.

03:02:06.000 He had brought Epstein to the White House.

03:02:08.000 Really?

03:02:08.000 Yeah, multiple times.

03:02:09.000 Wasn't that the case with him?

03:02:11.000 I believe he's the same guy that did that.

03:02:12.000 Who's this guy?

03:02:13.000 In the same sort of case.

03:02:14.000 Ghislaine Maxwell's father was a very strange death.

03:02:17.000 He was found naked, upside down in the water near his yacht.

03:02:21.000 But also, if you're Ghislaine Maxwell's father, that's probably how you get your kicks.

03:02:25.000 That's how Ghislaine was conceived. 1.00

03:02:27.000 Getting your dick sucked while you fill your butthole up with seawater on the side of your yacht. 1.00

03:02:32.000 And honestly, she comes from a horny family. 1.00

03:02:35.000 You get really kinky. 0.98

03:02:37.000 When you get that kind of money, you get really kinky. 0.99

03:02:40.000 These guys are hopping naked in the water, having sex, underwater, holding their breath. 0.96

03:02:46.000 They're like, let's mix it up! 0.97

03:02:47.000 Give me the furry helmet! 1.00

03:02:49.000 Yeah, the furries.

03:02:50.000 The furries were created.

03:02:52.000 So maybe that guy really did hang himself and then shoot himself in the chest with a shotgun 30 miles from his house.

03:02:58.000 Seems weird though.

03:02:59.000 Seems like you might want to look into that one.

03:03:03.000 You guys got any satellite footage you want to share with us?

03:03:06.000 Everything I've ever said in my life is allegedly.

03:03:10.000 How good do you think the satellite footage is now?

03:03:12.000 Like if you go outside, do you think they could follow you everywhere you look?

03:03:14.000 Yes, yes.

03:03:15.000 On video?

03:03:15.000 Yes.

03:03:16.000 I think they could have done that 10 years ago.

03:03:18.000 You think so?

03:03:19.000 Yeah.

03:03:20.000 To be honest, I have no idea.

03:03:22.000 I don't trust, I don't trust that we're not being watched.

03:03:26.000 You know what I've been yelling for the last 10 years?

03:03:28.000 Anytime someone doesn't, something doesn't work, like my phone glitch, I'm like, how did we get to the moon?

03:03:34.000 What are you talking about?

03:03:36.000 That's so much less complicated than this phone.

03:03:39.000 Getting to the moon?

03:03:40.000 Yeah.

03:03:41.000 The amount of power that you have in your phone is vastly superior to all of the computers that were linked together in the Apollo project.

03:03:47.000 That's so crazy.

03:03:48.000 That's true, but that is so crazy to think about.

03:03:51.000 Wow.

03:03:52.000 Joe, would you go to the moon if someone said, hey, I have room on my shuttle?

03:03:55.000 Hell no.

03:03:55.000 I would think it's a trap.

03:03:57.000 You would?

03:03:58.000 It's a trap.

03:03:59.000 You would?

03:04:00.000 Where do you think they'd take you?

03:04:01.000 What? 1.00

03:04:02.000 I'm going to go to a place that sucks? 1.00

03:04:03.000 It sucks. 1.00

03:04:04.000 I can look at it. 1.00

03:04:05.000 I see it sucks. 0.99

03:04:06.000 Like, stepping foot on it. 0.99

03:04:07.000 I'm sure...

03:04:08.000 I got the gist.

03:04:09.000 I think looking at Earth from space would probably be the wildest.

03:04:12.000 That would be wild.

03:04:13.000 Like, thinking...

03:04:14.000 That's what I would like to see.

03:04:16.000 Like, you're above...

03:04:19.000 You fly out into space and you're looking back on the earth.

03:04:22.000 That's got to be an insane thing to experience.

03:04:25.000 That's got to be insane. 0.98

03:04:27.000 Because you get it a little bit when you get in a plane, but it's kind of a freaky thing that you're up here in the clouds and shit. 0.97

03:04:33.000 What are we doing up here? 0.89

03:04:34.000 It feels foreign.

03:04:36.000 How do we figure out how to do this all the time?

03:04:38.000 I'm not convinced.

03:04:39.000 Every time I'm on a plane.

03:04:41.000 It might be fake.

03:04:43.000 They might time travel you into the ER. What the fuck are you talking about? 1.00

03:04:47.000 She does some crazy OCD shit before we get into the plane. 1.00

03:04:51.000 She's got to touch it twice. 0.99

03:04:52.000 Oh boy.

03:04:53.000 I have a touch of the D, of the O and the C and the D. A touch of the D. My therapist says, I have a touch.

03:05:00.000 A trace.

03:05:02.000 A trace of the...

03:05:03.000 A trace of the compulsive behaviors.

03:05:05.000 Yeah.

03:05:06.000 If it works for you, if you've got a system, stick to it.

03:05:09.000 She goes, don't worry, I've got to touch the plane twice until we get there safe.

03:05:12.000 And she goes, I got us.

03:05:13.000 You're going to be happy I touched this plane.

03:05:15.000 I have to look the people in the eye, and if the people don't look like they have a will to live, I have to pay extra attention during the flight so we can get there.

03:05:22.000 Pfft! 0.63

03:05:24.000 Kim controls the flights.

03:05:26.000 Maybe you do.

03:05:28.000 Maybe you do.

03:05:29.000 Two taps.

03:05:30.000 That's the thing.

03:05:31.000 Maybe there's something to that.

03:05:33.000 If there's someone that's not as worried as me, I have to do it.

03:05:35.000 I can tell when someone can take over and I go, oh, I can nap for a while.

03:05:39.000 We'll both keep it up.

03:05:41.000 Remember when the one captain complimented my sunglasses?

03:05:44.000 Yeah, that captain, you should have hit him up because we could have gotten a little buddy pass out of it.

03:05:48.000 You should have made that captain your little buddy.

03:05:51.000 Have you ever been on a plane where there was a squabble?

03:05:54.000 A fight?

03:05:55.000 People start fighting.

03:05:56.000 I've been on a plane where they had tried to, a lady, like, you need to get off, and she wouldn't get off, and she had to be removed, and then we all had to come off. 0.98

03:06:04.000 I started the boo for her, which was really fun.

03:06:06.000 The Karen boo?

03:06:08.000 Yeah.

03:06:09.000 She needed it.

03:06:10.000 She gets involved.

03:06:10.000 She treats everywhere like skank fest.

03:06:12.000 She's like, boo! 0.99

03:06:16.000 Some of these brawls that you see on planes are fucking insane, where people just pile on top of each other in the sky. 0.98

03:06:22.000 That is so nuts that people would do that. 0.90

03:06:25.000 Just get in a fight while you're flying through the air.

03:06:27.000 We're in the sky, people.

03:06:28.000 It is so crazy.

03:06:30.000 I don't even want everyone jumping that much on the plane at the same time.

03:06:33.000 I'm like, don't move it.

03:06:35.000 It's crazy that we're going this way and it's going well.

03:06:38.000 Every time I'm like, wow, this is going well.

03:06:40.000 It's great.

03:06:41.000 We're alive.

03:06:42.000 We're flying up here in the clouds.

03:06:43.000 Whenever I get off when I'm exiting, I look the pilot dead in the eye.

03:06:47.000 I literally am so thankful for my life when I get off a plane.

03:06:51.000 I'm like, dude, you're just some dude.

03:06:53.000 He's just some guy standing there.

03:06:55.000 And how many times do those planes fly?

03:06:59.000 I mean, they're overused machines.

03:07:01.000 Are you sure?

03:07:03.000 Maybe they're perfectly used.

03:07:05.000 I have no idea.

03:07:06.000 You just like saying that.

03:07:09.000 I'm questioning everything I've ever thought.

03:07:11.000 Maybe they have an extensive search criteria to make sure that everything is gone over with a fine-toothed cone to make sure nothing's wrong with them.

03:07:20.000 I know they do, but how many...

03:07:22.000 But there's freak accidents, Joe.

03:07:22.000 Yeah, how many times?

03:07:23.000 There's not that many.

03:07:24.000 If you think about how many planes fly, obviously it's one of the safest ways to travel.

03:07:28.000 If you look at it statistically, the problem is the one that happens.

03:07:31.000 It's so terrifying.

03:07:33.000 If that's how you go, everybody's horrified.

03:07:35.000 Because it's out of your hands, you're in the sky, it's all nuts.

03:07:37.000 So it's a particularly terrifying way to go.

03:07:40.000 Right up there with wolves.

03:07:42.000 It would also be weird to survive a plane crash.

03:07:45.000 Oh my god, I heard about a girl that survived a plane crash.

03:07:48.000 She was the only one by herself.

03:07:50.000 She was the flight attendant. 0.93

03:07:51.000 Survivor's guilt.

03:07:52.000 Only she had was broken ribs and I kept thinking about her ex-boyfriend, how terrified he was.

03:07:58.000 That lady's durable. 1.00

03:08:00.000 Yeah, she comes back up.

03:08:01.000 Sturdy.

03:08:02.000 She comes back up and she picks her hair.

03:08:04.000 She comes back and you're like, she's dead.

03:08:07.000 Finally.

03:08:07.000 That's the thing about something like that.

03:08:09.000 There's certain situations where it's just dumb luck.

03:08:13.000 Like the impact, the way it hits, the way you hit, where it goes down.

03:08:20.000 It's chaos.

03:08:21.000 They're probably crash landing, right?

03:08:24.000 Before Travis Barker, you told me this.

03:08:26.000 Oh yeah, he says this.

03:08:29.000 I don't know if this is true.

03:08:33.000 Sorry, it's from TikTok. 0.98

03:08:33.000 I don't know if anything's true after this fucking podcast. 0.98

03:08:37.000 Is this even real, man? 0.99

03:08:39.000 Am I even here?

03:08:42.000 But Travis Barker, I think he said in a thing that his daughter asked him not to get on the flight.

03:08:47.000 She had a bad dream.

03:08:48.000 The plane crashed before he got on the flight. 0.99

03:08:52.000 And shit happens with surgeons and stuff. 0.99

03:08:54.000 If you tell a surgeon that you had a bad dream, a lot of the times they'll try and reschedule. 0.99

03:09:02.000 Oh, wow.

03:09:04.000 Well, for me, I'd be like, my teeth were falling out last night.

03:09:06.000 I hope that a lot of the things I say aren't true, and people are just going to bombard me with real facts after this.

03:09:10.000 They probably will.

03:09:11.000 It's fine.

03:09:11.000 It seems like a lot of you, you're doing voodoo.

03:09:13.000 Basically doing a lot of voodoo.

03:09:14.000 Me?

03:09:15.000 Yeah.

03:09:15.000 Currently?

03:09:16.000 No, like what you're saying.

03:09:17.000 Oh. 1.00

03:09:17.000 Yeah, we're woo-woo, bitches. 1.00

03:09:20.000 A little bit of woo-woo's fun. 0.98

03:09:21.000 Yeah, I have an amethyst in my bag.

03:09:23.000 I bet you do.

03:09:24.000 A little bit of woo-woo's a good time. 0.99

03:09:26.000 Sage.

03:09:26.000 A little bit of astrology.

03:09:28.000 A little bit.

03:09:29.000 A little bit of everything.

03:09:30.000 A little bit of Sedona timeshare.

03:09:33.000 Hey, sometimes you gotta go to Sedona and sit through a 10 minute or 10 hour.

03:09:37.000 How often do you have to go a year?

03:09:38.000 No, okay, so what happened is this.

03:09:41.000 So, I told Kim, I said, Kimmy, we're going on vacation.

03:09:45.000 Pack your bags, we're going to Sedona.

03:09:47.000 She involved me.

03:09:49.000 Yeah, and then when I called, they said, well, on this date you have to go to a 120 minute presentation.

03:09:55.000 And I said, nope.

03:09:57.000 Because that's where it goes down.

03:09:58.000 They lock you in a room, and that's where they make you really sign up.

03:10:01.000 But I heard it gets bad.

03:10:02.000 I heard sometimes they drug you.

03:10:05.000 Hey, you can't say that.

03:10:06.000 They get you drunk.

03:10:08.000 Allegedly.

03:10:08.000 Everything I said is a lie.

03:10:10.000 Nothing I've ever said is the truth.

03:10:12.000 Okay, so then...

03:10:13.000 What can you say?

03:10:13.000 So then, guess what, Joe?

03:10:14.000 Yeah, but you can't say that because they'll sue you.

03:10:16.000 Who?

03:10:17.000 Big timeshare.

03:10:19.000 Big timeshare.

03:10:20.000 These people, you're saying you hear they drug you?

03:10:23.000 There's a news article about a couple that got locked in a room, they gave them a weird drink, and then they bought a timeshare, dude.

03:10:30.000 Really?

03:10:31.000 Yes!

03:10:32.000 Wait a minute.

03:10:33.000 They're drugged?

03:10:33.000 You're serious?

03:10:34.000 Can you look up a couple getting drugged in a timeshare?

03:10:37.000 And I'm not saying that they do.

03:10:39.000 I'm saying that this couple said that.

03:10:41.000 Okay, so she told me- Something funky happened with their drink.

03:10:43.000 She told me this, and then everyone I talked to was like, you can't go to Sedona!

03:10:46.000 Drunk down presentation signing, couple reconsert nightmare.

03:10:51.000 Where was this?

03:10:52.000 Some even claimed they were a drug.

03:10:53.000 CBS. I gotta pee.

03:10:55.000 All-inclusive resorts in Mexico suspected of drugging tourists.

03:10:59.000 That was in 2017. What is that?

03:11:02.000 What are they doing?

03:11:03.000 Are they drugging them to try to get them to- Sign up! 0.99

03:11:06.000 I saw it, and they were like, suddenly, by the time, then you're splitting a fucking place in Mexico with 10 other people. 0.99

03:11:14.000 Tainted. 0.99

03:11:14.000 Wait a minute, it just says tainted alcohol. 0.99

03:11:16.000 What does that mean?

03:11:17.000 Why has there been so much taint talk?

03:11:19.000 Alcohol of drinks with alcohol of bad quality and great amounts.

03:11:24.000 Oh, no, that's just bad drinks.

03:11:30.000 Yeah, but isn't that weird that it said, like, suspected of drugging tourists?

03:11:33.000 But when you click on it, that's deceptive, right?

03:11:36.000 The one right there?

03:11:37.000 Oh, the headline being deceptive, no way.

03:11:38.000 Yeah, but you know what I'm saying?

03:11:39.000 Because, like, what it actually said they did versus what they really did, what they did is, like, they served them bad alcohol.

03:11:46.000 The alcohol was bad, but they weren't drugging the tourists. 0.98

03:11:49.000 They were just being assholes, and they hadn't gotten rid of their... 1.00

03:11:52.000 They were drugged. 1.00

03:11:53.000 Yeah, I mean...

03:11:55.000 Okay, so listen, so then I decided I'm not gonna go to Sedona, even though I paid for the vacation, and I had to eat the cost.

03:12:02.000 Hmm.

03:12:03.000 Because I didn't want to get locked into a room.

03:12:06.000 So here it says extortion and all these cases.

03:12:09.000 There's a bunch of cases.

03:12:10.000 Three or four cases of similar weird things happening in people probably at the same place.

03:12:13.000 Okay, so some people probably did get drugged.

03:12:17.000 And they're probably...

03:12:18.000 Yeah, that could be...

03:12:19.000 That's their excuse.

03:12:21.000 Who knows?

03:12:22.000 But now they have a place in Hawaii that they share with seven other people.

03:12:26.000 Yeah, they have a time share in Oahu.

03:12:29.000 In Oahu.

03:12:30.000 Go to chill out on the beach.

03:12:31.000 Yep.

03:12:32.000 The dream is like a place on the Big Island or something like that.

03:12:36.000 Yeah, I like Hawaii.

03:12:38.000 The thing about the Big Island though, it's alive.

03:12:41.000 Every now and then it spits out lava.

03:12:43.000 No.

03:12:44.000 That's a little too alive for me.

03:12:46.000 It's really alive.

03:12:47.000 Spitting out lava.

03:12:49.000 The day after I was there last with my family, it happened.

03:12:55.000 Yeah, there's an eruption.

03:12:57.000 There's a great video of them.

03:12:58.000 There was one a few years back that engulfed this Mustang.

03:13:05.000 This Mustang was parked in the street and the lava comes across the street and just destroys the car.

03:13:11.000 It's gone forever.

03:13:12.000 It's amazing.

03:13:13.000 That's so crazy.

03:13:15.000 Yeah, these people live on an active volcano.

03:13:18.000 It's the reason why Hawaii exists in the first place.

03:13:21.000 It's a volcano that erupted out of the ocean, and it became this insane paradise.

03:13:27.000 Pull this video up of the lava eating the...

03:13:30.000 We should end this soon, too.

03:13:32.000 It's a long-ass podcast.

03:13:34.000 Watch this.

03:13:35.000 Because we're having fun.

03:13:36.000 We were having fun.

03:13:37.000 Oh my gosh!

03:13:40.000 Isn't that insane?

03:13:41.000 That looks like a mud pie.

03:13:45.000 Watch when it hits the car.

03:13:46.000 It looks like an Oreo.

03:13:47.000 Look what it just does.

03:13:48.000 The car just goes right through it.

03:13:50.000 It just goes right through it. 0.99

03:13:52.000 Oh shit. 1.00

03:13:53.000 Just turns it into nothing. 1.00

03:13:55.000 It's crazy.

03:13:56.000 That's the earth.

03:13:56.000 That is so crazy.

03:13:58.000 That's the center of the earth.

03:14:00.000 That's the center of the world?

03:14:02.000 That's the real center of the world coming out.

03:14:05.000 That's the real center.

03:14:06.000 Literally.

03:14:07.000 We found the real center of the world, Kim, while you're going.

03:14:12.000 Yeah, we were talking about Hawaii being the ultimate dream to live on the Big Island, but it is an active volcano, and this happened recently.

03:14:20.000 Jesus.

03:14:21.000 Yeah.

03:14:21.000 It just consumed a car.

03:14:24.000 You know, not very many things happen the way you imagine as a child, and that's what I imagine happening.

03:14:30.000 Yeah.

03:14:30.000 Yeah, we all made that baking soda volcano.

03:14:33.000 Most people are not scared of volcanoes, but it's one of the scariest things in all of nature.

03:14:36.000 I don't know.

03:14:37.000 Yeah, it doesn't seem scary in my head.

03:14:39.000 Well, have you ever heard of supervolcanoes?

03:14:42.000 Supervolcanoes have knocked human beings down to just a few thousand people, like 70,000 years ago.

03:14:47.000 Was it the Toba?

03:14:48.000 The Toba eruption?

03:14:50.000 Yeah, there's one in the middle of Yellowstone.

03:14:52.000 That's what that is.

03:14:53.000 That's a caldera volcano, a giant-ass volcano in the middle of Yellowstone.

03:14:57.000 How big can it?

03:14:58.000 It's so big.

03:14:59.000 It's huge.

03:15:00.000 But how much can it take out?

03:15:01.000 It's like 300 kilometers across.

03:15:03.000 Oh, it will take out most of the country.

03:15:05.000 Yeah.

03:15:07.000 Hold on.

03:15:08.000 Okay, we're gonna worry about bears, sharks, anacondas, volcanoes, aliens.

03:15:15.000 People drugging you at all-inclusive resorts.

03:15:19.000 Timeshares.

03:15:21.000 You gotta worry about cults, everything.

03:15:23.000 All of it.

03:15:24.000 All of it.

03:15:24.000 It's too much.

03:15:25.000 Gotta keep your head on a fucking swivel. 1.00

03:15:26.000 Keep your head on a fucking swivel. 1.00

03:15:28.000 It's a gas station sticker. 1.00

03:15:30.000 You gotta think of something beautiful.

03:15:31.000 Yes.

03:15:32.000 Let's end with that.

03:15:33.000 Go back to that gas station.

03:15:35.000 That bumper sticker that changed Kim's life.

03:15:39.000 Now it changed ours.

03:15:41.000 Well, listen, ladies, I'm very happy we did this.

03:15:43.000 It was a lot of fun.

03:15:44.000 This was really fun.

03:15:45.000 So much fun with you.

03:15:46.000 When was the last time we did it?

03:15:48.000 2014. Wow.

03:15:50.000 That's crazy.

03:15:51.000 That is crazy.

03:15:52.000 You girls are veterans in the game.

03:15:53.000 Wow.

03:15:54.000 I know.

03:15:54.000 They're doing the road.

03:15:55.000 I want to see the two and see us nine years ago being like...

03:16:00.000 Today we went off.

03:16:01.000 We probably caused lawsuits. 0.87

03:16:03.000 So tell everybody your social medias.

03:16:06.000 Tell everybody your social medias.

03:16:07.000 At Princess.

03:16:09.000 Princess like normal.

03:16:10.000 And then Shank.

03:16:11.000 S-H-E-N-K. That's where everything is. 1.00

03:16:14.000 I have a link tree with all my show dates.

03:16:16.000 And you can find everything there.

03:16:18.000 Both pods. 1.00

03:16:19.000 This bitch and Shank. 1.00

03:16:20.000 And I have a Patreon. 1.00

03:16:22.000 And that's it.

03:16:23.000 Kim?

03:16:24.000 You guys can follow me on Twitter at Kimberly Congdon.

03:16:26.000 Instagram at Kim Congdon.

03:16:27.000 Look at y'all.

03:16:27.000 You're shy now.

03:16:28.000 Twitch.tv slash queencong1.

03:16:32.000 Patreon.com slash Kim Congdon.

03:16:33.000 Do you play video games on Twitch?

03:16:34.000 I do.

03:16:35.000 Nice.

03:16:35.000 I stream, yeah.

03:16:36.000 Nice.

03:16:36.000 I love it.

03:16:37.000 That's awesome.

03:16:38.000 I love it.

03:16:38.000 If I could just sit at home.

03:16:39.000 If you guys like to watch it, because I want to do that all day and then go do stand-up at night.

03:16:44.000 It's so fun.

03:16:45.000 She plays Fortnite.

03:16:47.000 I hear ya.

03:16:47.000 It's so fun.

03:16:48.000 You know, yeah.

03:16:50.000 Oh, that's the pod.

03:16:51.000 Thank you.

03:16:52.000 That's our boy, Bobby Lee.

03:16:54.000 Yeah.

03:16:56.000 Yeah.

03:16:57.000 Check out the pod.

03:16:58.000 Listen.

03:16:59.000 Show dates at KimCongdon.com.

03:17:01.000 Beautiful.

03:17:01.000 Ladies.

03:17:02.000 Thank you for having us.

03:17:02.000 Thank you so much.

03:17:03.000 My pleasure.

03:17:04.000 Bye-bye.

03:17:04.000 Bye.

The Joe Rogan Experience - May 10, 2023

Joe Rogan Experience #1983 - Kim Congdon & Sara Weinshenk

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Summary

Transcript