The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #1989

00:00:01.000 Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out!

00:00:04.000 The Joe Rogan Experience.

00:00:06.000 Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day!

00:00:12.000 Yeah, number one, it's great to see you.

00:00:14.000 Great to see you too.

00:00:15.000 Let me just do what I gotta do.

00:00:19.000 Are these your podcast glasses?

00:00:23.000 You got special ones?

00:00:25.000 What's his name?

00:00:26.000 Jamie.

00:00:26.000 That's your own Jamie.

00:00:27.000 You do understand I'm doing the Joe Rogan experience, right?

00:00:31.000 He's doing the Joe Rogan experience.

00:00:32.000 So why wouldn't I use the best?

00:00:33.000 Yeah, you gotta swap glasses.

00:00:34.000 Ooh, I like those.

00:00:35.000 We go with the chrome.

00:00:37.000 I like it.

00:00:38.000 I like the chrome.

00:00:40.000 I like it.

00:00:41.000 I like how you have a case.

00:00:42.000 Those are serious shades.

00:00:44.000 This is the experience.

00:00:46.000 This is your experience.

00:00:47.000 You've now taken over everything, in my opinion.

00:00:52.000 And I'm proud of you for that.

00:00:54.000 Thank you.

00:00:55.000 Well, I'm proud to be your friend.

00:00:57.000 Well, I'm proud to be yours, now if you notice.

00:01:00.000 You know, I was in your documentary, and everything I said, I 100% believe is true.

00:01:05.000 And I appreciate it.

00:01:06.000 And we were actually just talking about you last night, and I was telling these guys, I go, Dice is doing the only real alternative comedy that's out there.

00:01:16.000 Those videos that you're doing with fans...

00:01:21.000 First of all, you were one of the originators of what I would call alternative comedy.

00:01:27.000 This is what you did.

00:01:29.000 You did The Day the Laughter Died in the height of your success.

00:01:34.000 You were selling out arenas all over the fucking place, and you decided to do Dangerfields when no one was in there with no material and just fuck around, and it's amazing.

00:01:45.000 Listen, listen.

00:01:47.000 Before we even go there...

00:01:50.000 Alright.

00:01:52.000 I got a little beef with you.

00:01:55.000 It's not gonna get violent.

00:01:57.000 Okay?

00:01:58.000 None of that.

00:01:58.000 What's the beef?

00:01:59.000 Because even years ago, when you first came to LA, and trust me, you were alternative.

00:02:06.000 The minute I walked into the- Alternative?

00:02:07.000 I don't mean alternative in a negative way.

00:02:09.000 No, no.

00:02:10.000 Doing it your own way.

00:02:11.000 Oh, okay.

00:02:12.000 The way you saw fit.

00:02:13.000 The way I did it, the way Kennison did it.

00:02:15.000 That's how you did it.

00:02:16.000 So, I come walking into the original room, I come in through the back.

00:02:22.000 I always do the same thing.

00:02:23.000 I go in through the kitchen, club soda, red straw, $5 tip, into the original room, because I'm hearing something, somebody I don't know, okay?

00:02:35.000 And I look in there, and it's you, full force.

00:02:41.000 I mean, screaming at the crowd.

00:02:44.000 And what made it even better...

00:02:50.000 Number one, you were doing time, and you were just going ballistic.

00:02:55.000 I thought you were going to start breaking the stool.

00:02:58.000 I mean, you just, you know, you were also just finding your legs.

00:03:02.000 We're talking about 25, maybe even closer to 30 years ago, when you first came out there, and you're screaming your head off, and you get in a heckle fight with a guy.

00:03:14.000 Now, I will admit that the heckle fights I've had end in the club, okay?

00:03:21.000 It just ends, not you.

00:03:24.000 This went outside, where there's, I don't know, 20 people, 20-something people between the two years.

00:03:31.000 I'm going, he's going to kill this guy.

00:03:34.000 For what?

00:03:35.000 The guy yelled out during his set?

00:03:37.000 But you were right because the guy didn't stop and he was one of those...

00:03:41.000 No, that guy was threatening me.

00:03:43.000 No, he was threatening me and he said he was going to throw a glass at me.

00:03:46.000 And he was really drunk and you would just try...

00:03:49.000 I don't know if he was that drunk.

00:03:50.000 I think he was just a piece of shit.

00:03:52.000 The thing about that guy, I know that story, that guy had done that to a bunch of other comedians before me and I got to see and watch it.

00:04:00.000 And they didn't know how to handle it.

00:04:01.000 He was just being a piece of shit.

00:04:03.000 No, I know that.

00:04:04.000 And look, I've had...

00:04:05.000 There's a difference between a heckler and someone who purposely tries to interrupt the set for their own joy and fuck with people.

00:04:12.000 And doesn't care.

00:04:13.000 And then he threatened me.

00:04:15.000 And so I was like, okay.

00:04:17.000 We'll see what happens.

00:04:17.000 Let's go outside.

00:04:18.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:04:19.000 But that's what I loved.

00:04:21.000 You know, I even loved one time, you know, I'm out back and I know how close you are with Diaz and he gets in a little argument with someone.

00:04:31.000 And I'm watching this and I'm like, oh please, why am I even here?

00:04:36.000 I wasn't even going to come out tonight.

00:04:38.000 And it's getting heated and he has a bad temper.

00:04:42.000 So he takes one of the big glasses and he just breaks it so it's a jagged edge.

00:04:47.000 And I'm like, Joey!

00:04:49.000 What are you doing?

00:04:50.000 Put the glass down.

00:04:52.000 It's like I see that he's seeing red.

00:04:54.000 I go, put the glass down.

00:04:56.000 And he's looking at me and he's like, yeah, you're right.

00:04:59.000 He's not worth it.

00:05:00.000 I go, I'm worth it.

00:05:01.000 This is a comedy club.

00:05:02.000 What goes on here?

00:05:04.000 You know, Rogan's chasing people outside to continue to fight.

00:05:08.000 You're ready to cut some guy's throat.

00:05:09.000 I know the Diaz story too, though.

00:05:11.000 The Diaz guy.

00:05:12.000 That guy was a piece of shit.

00:05:14.000 The other guy was a biker.

00:05:16.000 He was like this tough guy that liked to fuck with Joey.

00:05:20.000 And Joey was like, I will cut you.

00:05:22.000 And he was willing to.

00:05:24.000 But this is Joey like fresh out of jail, Joey.

00:05:27.000 This is Joey like 30 years ago, Joey.

00:05:30.000 It's a different Joey.

00:05:31.000 Yeah, and this is Dice just wanting to do a pop-in.

00:05:34.000 Well, also me back then, it was just so weird to be around you.

00:05:38.000 Because I've told the story before, but when I was 19 years old, me and my girlfriend were sitting in my fucking car in front of my house.

00:05:46.000 I'll never forget it.

00:05:47.000 And we're listening to Dice the cassette.

00:05:49.000 And we're howling, laughing.

00:05:52.000 She was crying.

00:05:53.000 She was just going, ah!

00:05:55.000 She's kept like slapping her arms and and we I just remember thinking this before I even thought about doing an open mic I just kept thinking how the fuck is someone so funny?

00:06:05.000 I remember listening to that cassette.

00:06:07.000 It was so good.

00:06:08.000 It was so fun It's so silly And just me as a kid, as a 19-year-old kid trying to find my way in life, it's just like...

00:06:17.000 So just for me being around, when I came to the store, I used to be like, holy shit, that's Tice Clay.

00:06:23.000 It was weird.

00:06:25.000 Listen, first off, I appreciate the things you say and that you have said when I'm not here...

00:06:31.000 I mean everything I'm saying.

00:06:32.000 Am I allowed to tell you how proud I am of you?

00:06:35.000 You can tell me anything you want.

00:06:36.000 No, because I have watched you.

00:06:39.000 See, people forget your beginning.

00:06:42.000 You know, I remember the stand-up.

00:06:44.000 I remember you on a hit sitcom.

00:06:46.000 I remember...

00:06:47.000 It wasn't really a hit.

00:06:48.000 Well, I remember...

00:06:49.000 It was a hit kind of after.

00:06:50.000 Yeah, that was a hit.

00:06:51.000 No, but I remember what I do remember, and you've brought this up on the show...

00:06:55.000 Where I was like, I had like a few weeks off.

00:06:59.000 I would do half a million people and then come home for a few weeks.

00:07:04.000 That was my touring.

00:07:06.000 You know, we'll get into all that.

00:07:08.000 We could show a clip.

00:07:09.000 I think I sent the clip of me just standing on stage at the garden, not even talking.

00:07:16.000 And so what happened is I'm back, because I would book 20 cities at a clip.

00:07:23.000 And honestly, we all know this is before any kind of social media.

00:07:28.000 This is 35 years ago.

00:07:30.000 Yes.

00:07:30.000 The ad was the size of the pad, which, if you notice, says, Rogan, I bought a pad to make notes with you.

00:07:40.000 Do you understand?

00:07:41.000 I appreciate it.

00:07:43.000 I like how they're written big too.

00:07:45.000 Don't forget the back page.

00:07:48.000 Yeah, that's a whole pad that I'll never use again.

00:07:52.000 What you didn't notice, I'm not in leather.

00:07:55.000 You're wearing, are you going vegan on me?

00:07:56.000 No, this is daytime days.

00:07:59.000 Oh, daytime days.

00:07:59.000 Why would I wear a show leather?

00:08:02.000 I understand.

00:08:04.000 So I gave you the motorcycle, I gave you the gloves, but we went cotton.

00:08:08.000 I like it.

00:08:09.000 All out.

00:08:10.000 Casual.

00:08:10.000 New York.

00:08:11.000 Comfortable.

00:08:11.000 Casual.

00:08:12.000 Comfortable.

00:08:13.000 So, back then...

00:08:16.000 I see you hanging outside.

00:08:18.000 This is the first time we talk, really.

00:08:21.000 And I come over to you.

00:08:23.000 You're just in the back parking lot.

00:08:25.000 The same area where Diaz was going to cut someone's throat weeks earlier.

00:08:31.000 All right.

00:08:32.000 And you're just hanging out, you know.

00:08:34.000 And I said, how you doing?

00:08:35.000 I introduced myself.

00:08:36.000 And you were really respectful, really nice.

00:08:40.000 You still are.

00:08:41.000 And...

00:08:42.000 I said, well, what are you doing here?

00:08:44.000 And you said, what do you mean?

00:08:46.000 You know, I'm a comic.

00:08:47.000 I'm going to do a set.

00:08:48.000 I go, no.

00:08:50.000 What are you doing here?

00:08:52.000 You know, at the store.

00:08:54.000 You know, for 25 hours.

00:08:55.000 I go, you're on, in my opinion, a hit show, a hit sitcom.

00:08:59.000 I go, you can be...

00:09:01.000 Out there making tens of thousands of dollars on the road.

00:09:06.000 And I'm thinking, who's his manager?

00:09:09.000 Like I wanted to call the manager, go, why do you have your client at the store when he's on a hit show when in three days he could go make himself 15, 20 grand in a minute?

00:09:20.000 And you were looking at me going, really?

00:09:23.000 Yeah, that's what it's about!

00:09:25.000 I tell everybody this.

00:09:27.000 I remember where we were standing.

00:09:29.000 You came up to me like, you should do the road.

00:09:31.000 Right outside the back door.

00:09:32.000 Why are you doing the road?

00:09:33.000 I was like, why aren't I doing the road?

00:09:36.000 Yeah, I should probably do the road.

00:09:37.000 I mean, a lot of it was like, sitcoms are a lot of work.

00:09:40.000 Especially in the early days.

00:09:41.000 There was like 16-hour days.

00:09:43.000 And you're exhausted.

00:09:44.000 And I just was happy to just still be doing stand-up.

00:09:47.000 So I'd go to the store.

00:09:48.000 I didn't have any friends.

00:09:48.000 I just moved there.

00:09:49.000 So I'd go to the store after I did my work all day, and I could do a set.

00:09:54.000 That's sort of why I did it.

00:09:56.000 You know, but it was just so great the way you looked at me like, really?

00:10:00.000 Like, I could be making more than 25?

00:10:02.000 But I knew I could be making money.

00:10:03.000 And we all know what the store's about.

00:10:04.000 It's not about money.

00:10:05.000 The store's that college for comics that we all...

00:10:08.000 The hangout.

00:10:09.000 It's just the greatest place.

00:10:11.000 It's the greatest place.

00:10:12.000 Well, now there's two great places.

00:10:13.000 Now we've got the mothership.

00:10:14.000 We basically did the store in Texas.

00:10:16.000 But you telling me that changed my life.

00:10:19.000 It did, because then I started touring.

00:10:21.000 I listen to you.

00:10:23.000 That's why you're sitting right here right now.

00:10:26.000 That's why when your show elevated to this level, you were getting texting from me.

00:10:35.000 Because I was there before you in a different way.

00:10:40.000 You know, but, you know, let me tell you something.

00:10:43.000 When you're the first guy to...

00:10:45.000 I'm the first guy to do what I did.

00:10:47.000 Yes.

00:10:47.000 You know, I mean, I always looked up to Eddie Murphy.

00:10:50.000 I think he's the absolute greatest from stand-up to the films he's done.

00:10:56.000 And that's sort of the career I wanted.

00:10:57.000 I figured I would just go from doing, you know, millions of people on the road to just movie stardom, you know.

00:11:06.000 But, you know, I got the backlash, you know.

00:11:10.000 Yeah, you were the first to get the backlash.

00:11:12.000 Yeah, I was the first.

00:11:13.000 Ban from MTV. Ban from MTV for jokes.

00:11:20.000 You're bringing up stuff I want to bring up, but let me...

00:11:23.000 Alright, so with MTV, this is what you'll love.

00:11:25.000 This is the part you don't know.

00:11:27.000 Well, didn't they approve that set anywhere?

00:11:30.000 No, they didn't approve anything.

00:11:31.000 They didn't know?

00:11:32.000 No, see...

00:11:34.000 You know, this is the thing.

00:11:37.000 You know, I always had an expression.

00:11:39.000 Nobody fucks with Dice.

00:11:41.000 Dice does the fucking.

00:11:43.000 In the past, the present, the future and a day, Dice ultimately...

00:11:51.000 In the multiverse.

00:11:52.000 ...does the fucking.

00:11:53.000 That's it.

00:11:54.000 In the multiverse.

00:11:55.000 So I come for the rehearsal and my whole job was to hit my mark And, ladies and gentlemen, I remember it.

00:12:05.000 The Last Puritan.

00:12:07.000 Cher.

00:12:08.000 And I make that move with my hand.

00:12:10.000 Cher.

00:12:11.000 Okay.

00:12:13.000 So I'm getting ready.

00:12:15.000 And they already had a couple comics on that just tanked.

00:12:18.000 You know, Paul Reiser, and I think he's great, but...

00:12:22.000 Tough crowds.

00:12:23.000 You don't come out on the MTV Awards at the Universal Amphitheater and talk about the Hats Sinatra Award.

00:12:33.000 I'm looking at my friend going, look at the crowd.

00:12:35.000 It's like he's not even in the room.

00:12:38.000 You know, my friend says to me, he goes, well, you could go out there and you could either be a teardrop or you could be a tidal wave.

00:12:48.000 You know you.

00:12:50.000 Okay.

00:12:53.000 I don't really want to go nuts.

00:12:54.000 I'm trying to do the right thing.

00:12:56.000 I got the biggest manager ever, Sandy Gallin, who had everybody from Whoopi to Stallone to Dolly Parton.

00:13:03.000 I mean, I'm sure you know the name Sandy Gallin.

00:13:06.000 Okay, so biggest manager in Hollywood.

00:13:10.000 So I'm trying to do the right thing.

00:13:12.000 And so now, I don't know, a minute before I go out, Arsenio's the host.

00:13:20.000 Here comes Dick Clark, who, wow, it's Dick Clark.

00:13:24.000 You know, you grow up watching this man.

00:13:26.000 And he comes over, just to hear him call me Dice was hilarious.

00:13:32.000 And he goes, look, Dice, if you gotta stretch, Arsenio will come over to you, and you'll play around.

00:13:40.000 And I go, whoa, whoa, wait a minute.

00:13:42.000 What do you mean stretch?

00:13:43.000 Stretch what?

00:13:44.000 You know, what am I stretching?

00:13:46.000 My dick?

00:13:46.000 What are you talking about?

00:13:47.000 No, I'm not even kidding.

00:13:49.000 He goes, no, because Cher might not be ready.

00:13:52.000 I go, no, no, no.

00:13:53.000 We didn't work anything out, me and Arsenio.

00:13:55.000 And I had no problem with Arsenio, but this is a standalone spot.

00:14:00.000 And he goes, well, this is the way things go.

00:14:02.000 I go, don't fucking tell me how things go, okay?

00:14:06.000 You're not my boss.

00:14:08.000 And as I'm getting angry at him, which in my mind I'm going, are you really getting angry at Dick Clark?

00:14:15.000 They start introducing me.

00:14:18.000 Well, I come out there.

00:14:19.000 Now I'm angry.

00:14:20.000 Now everybody's going to pay.

00:14:21.000 Now everybody will be disciplined.

00:14:24.000 And I don't know how I did the set, but I went into the poems.

00:14:29.000 Now, you've got to understand, this is not HBO or Showtime.

00:14:33.000 This is MTV. Everybody gets this.

00:14:37.000 It's free.

00:14:38.000 I go into the poems, and what was the poem?

00:14:45.000 Oh, that got me banned.

00:14:47.000 I go, Georgie Porgie, pudding and pie, jerked off in his girlfriend's eye.

00:14:52.000 When her eye was dry and shut, Georgie fucked that one-eyed slut.

00:14:57.000 Oh!

00:14:58.000 And the crowd's going fucking crazy.

00:15:00.000 So I figured, go into my fat girl stuff.

00:15:04.000 And that ended with, you don't know where the tits begin and the belly ends.

00:15:09.000 It's like one big glop of shit.

00:15:13.000 Right?

00:15:14.000 And I go, now I go, because they gave me a signal, ladies and gentlemen, the last Puritan share, and she comes out singing, if I could turn back time, which is what everybody was thinking in the room, if we could turn back time about eight minutes.

00:15:30.000 But in the meantime, while I'm doing the act...

00:15:34.000 Dick Clark goes to charge me and Arsenio jumps on his back and tackles him.

00:15:41.000 Dick Clark's trying to stop your set?

00:15:43.000 Dick Clark was going to jump.

00:15:44.000 He went out of his fucking mind.

00:15:46.000 His hair got messy.

00:15:47.000 I'll put it to you that way.

00:15:49.000 So now I come off the stage.

00:15:54.000 Eddie, right?

00:15:55.000 Jamie.

00:15:57.000 Listen, Jamie.

00:15:58.000 Young Jamie.

00:15:59.000 So now they're taking me into the press tents.

00:16:03.000 Not one question was asked.

00:16:07.000 And it was all the press in the world.

00:16:10.000 Sandy Gallon calls me at home.

00:16:12.000 He goes, I was praying that what I was watching on TV was only coming through my television.

00:16:23.000 Then I get a call, you know, from a club owner.

00:16:28.000 Remember Rascals in West Orange?

00:16:30.000 Yes, sure.

00:16:30.000 The owner, Mark Magnuson, the greatest guy.

00:16:33.000 So Kennison was there, who I always say he was having a rivalry with me.

00:16:39.000 I was happy for him when his career took off.

00:16:42.000 I was thrilled for him.

00:16:44.000 He had no problem with me because I was on the show Crime Story at the time.

00:16:49.000 And he was doing, I don't know, four or five thousand seats a night.

00:16:52.000 He was the guy before I took off.

00:16:55.000 When my career took off, it went straight to arenas.

00:16:58.000 I was doing 80,000 to 100,000 people a week.

00:17:02.000 And he just couldn't handle it for whatever reason.

00:17:05.000 But he goes, so Kenison's watching this, going, that's it, he's done, he's finished.

00:17:11.000 In the meantime, the reality was I went from doing one arena show, let's say at the Spectrum in Philly, to two arena shows, or three arena shows.

00:17:22.000 Where Bill Burr saw me in Boston, whatever arena I did there.

00:17:28.000 I had one show.

00:17:29.000 It went to three shows.

00:17:30.000 It just got bigger and bigger and bigger.

00:17:33.000 Nothing was hurting.

00:17:34.000 And so the next day, there's this big meeting at MTV. And Rick Rubin was there.

00:17:42.000 And my people that I worked with, Sandy, got all these.

00:17:47.000 But it was the presidents that banning me for life.

00:17:51.000 You know, which is hilarious.

00:17:53.000 I'm not even a singer, you know.

00:17:56.000 Yeah, Mike's own band.

00:17:57.000 What do I give a shit?

00:17:58.000 Look at the numbers, you know.

00:18:00.000 But Dick Clark, this is why Dick Clark became Dick Clark, because the guy that was trying to tackle and beat me to a pulp for what I was doing is standing there.

00:18:12.000 His hair is now fixed the next day.

00:18:15.000 And he says to a room full of executors when they're banning me for life, he goes, are you sure you want to do that?

00:18:22.000 Because Rick Rubin told me.

00:18:24.000 He goes, this guy is the biggest thing in the world right now, and you're banning him for life?

00:18:31.000 It was just one of the crazy moments of the backlash of my career.

00:18:37.000 And like I said, this is 1990. Yeah.

00:18:42.000 You know, this is years before the arena comedy today, which you do, and Bill does it, and so many...

00:18:48.000 I didn't even know I was setting that off.

00:18:52.000 I mean, it was a goal of mine because, honestly, if I was just being honest, I never gave a fuck about stand-up.

00:19:02.000 It's not why I do it.

00:19:04.000 You know, I came into stand-up because I just figured...

00:19:10.000 Instead of going to an acting school once a week, you know, why not get on a stage and develop your own method of acting?

00:19:22.000 You know, and I could be on a stage every single night and I'd be at the Comedy Store and I'd see all these comics there and they would stand...

00:19:33.000 See, that was great about you.

00:19:38.000 You didn't stand there like a stick figure.

00:19:41.000 You were all over the stage.

00:19:43.000 You were performing.

00:19:44.000 But when I came to the comedy store, even at Leno, great comics.

00:19:51.000 Seinfeld, all great comics.

00:19:52.000 But they'd stand there like they were in assembly class.

00:19:56.000 And after five, six minutes, I'd get bored and walk out of the room.

00:20:00.000 And when I would go back to Brooklyn, my mother...

00:20:04.000 Who was the one who had the look and the personality.

00:20:07.000 It's where I get that, you know, that balls bigger than, you know, brass ball thing.

00:20:14.000 And I would tell her about the comics and I go, about the only one that would move is Richard Lewis.

00:20:20.000 You know, because his whole act was about, it's all a nightmare, and he would pace, and he would just make me laugh my ass off.

00:20:26.000 And I would tell her about all these comics, but I come from music.

00:20:30.000 I come from drumming, singing, dancing, and my mother would say to me, well, what are you going to do, you know?

00:20:39.000 I go, you know what, Ma, I'll just become the Elvis of comedy.

00:20:42.000 I go, that's who I loved.

00:20:44.000 That's my confidence.

00:20:46.000 That was my true belief, my true statement.

00:20:49.000 I said, these guys, they're all okay.

00:20:52.000 But I go, Ma, you know that comics would always just be opening acts for singers.

00:20:58.000 And I didn't put much into that.

00:21:00.000 I didn't care about that.

00:21:01.000 So if I'm going to do this, if I'm going to work on this at the same time I'm working on acting chops, just become the biggest the world has ever seen.

00:21:11.000 That's how I looked at it.

00:21:12.000 It was that simple of a thought to me.

00:21:15.000 And that's how it all began.

00:21:17.000 Do you think that you made that happen with your mind?

00:21:20.000 Do you ever wonder about that?

00:21:22.000 If you think about all the success you've had, and even the downsides, do you ever wonder how much of it you actually create with your mind?

00:21:31.000 I believe that...

00:21:33.000 And you have to use a realistic thought with anything you want to do in life.

00:21:39.000 You can't walk around saying, I'm going to become a neurosurgeon.

00:21:44.000 Right.

00:21:45.000 You know.

00:21:46.000 Do you know, just by chance, do you know Dr. Rock Politano?

00:21:51.000 No, I don't.

00:21:52.000 He's my toe and heel guy in New York.

00:21:55.000 He said he gave you the book, Street Smart.

00:21:57.000 He might have.

00:21:59.000 Yeah, he's great.

00:22:01.000 I've been to foot doctors for eight years now.

00:22:03.000 He's fixing my feet.

00:22:05.000 I might have met him and forgot.

00:22:06.000 Yeah, so he said he gave you this book.

00:22:09.000 Okay.

00:22:10.000 Yeah, I'm at doctors all the time.

00:22:12.000 We'll get into that in a minute.

00:22:13.000 What's wrong with your foot?

00:22:17.000 I don't know.

00:22:17.000 I didn't feel my toes for about eight years.

00:22:20.000 Oh, nerve blockage?

00:22:22.000 No.

00:22:22.000 See, he really did the number, like checking out my feet from every angle.

00:22:28.000 And he goes, you don't have...

00:22:30.000 See, this is what I do like about you.

00:22:33.000 You have a thirst for knowledge.

00:22:34.000 And you're a guest.

00:22:35.000 You have everything from...

00:22:37.000 Maniacs like me, to scientists, to doctors, I love that about you.

00:22:41.000 You thirst for knowledge.

00:22:43.000 But just the fact you know about nerve damage in the feet is impressive to me.

00:22:49.000 So, but it wasn't the nerve damage.

00:22:51.000 And he explained what it was under my toes.

00:22:54.000 And now he goes, your toes have been inflamed for eight years.

00:22:59.000 He goes, that's the problem.

00:23:01.000 He goes, this other idiot you went to that's telling you to stretch your toes, did it work?

00:23:05.000 So, Politano, and I love that he's from Brooklyn, he's from Bensonhurst, everybody in the office is from Brooklyn and they're in New York.

00:23:15.000 So that's why there was even a conversation, because I was there twice last week.

00:23:19.000 And I said, yeah, I'm going to do Joe Rogan.

00:23:22.000 And he goes, I gave him my book, Street Smart.

00:23:24.000 Because he also wrote a book on Joe DiMaggio.

00:23:26.000 He lived with him for 10 years.

00:23:28.000 Oh, wow.

00:23:28.000 He does sports.

00:23:29.000 You know, that's what he's known for.

00:23:32.000 So...

00:23:33.000 So this guy's really helping me.

00:23:37.000 It's funny, I'm in bed with my sugar plum that you met outside, and I should be thinking about having action, and I'm going, look how I could wiggle my toes.

00:23:50.000 Look at that.

00:23:51.000 But she gets it, because she's gone through a lot with me since we've been together.

00:23:56.000 And that's just one of the problems.

00:23:59.000 But yeah, I love, you know, your thirst for knowledge.

00:24:05.000 And I'm not looking to get away from the day to laugh.

00:24:09.000 I'll do something special with that.

00:24:11.000 But remember I said about a little beef with you?

00:24:17.000 You had a beef with me?

00:24:18.000 Yeah.

00:24:19.000 What did I do wrong?

00:24:22.000 Vincent.

00:24:23.000 It's Jamie.

00:24:24.000 It's Jamie.

00:24:25.000 Vincent fits you though, if you think about it.

00:24:28.000 I'm from Brooklyn.

00:24:29.000 Jamie.

00:24:30.000 What's up?

00:24:31.000 Alright, so...

00:24:33.000 Before I'm getting dressed today...

00:24:38.000 And I can't even figure out, do I give them daytime dice?

00:24:41.000 Do I give them nighttime dice?

00:24:42.000 Do I do a Brooklyn sweatshirt?

00:24:44.000 All the clothes I brought for this.

00:24:46.000 I like what you did.

00:24:47.000 It's good.

00:24:48.000 It works.

00:24:48.000 It's the right look.

00:24:49.000 It's perfect.

00:24:50.000 He nailed it.

00:24:51.000 She's going, do you want to wear the ADC? She's very involved.

00:24:54.000 I understand.

00:24:54.000 You spoke to her.

00:24:55.000 You see how she is.

00:24:57.000 Lovely woman.

00:24:57.000 She's got a corporate mind.

00:24:58.000 Very smart.

00:24:59.000 I'm crazy about her.

00:25:00.000 More than...

00:25:01.000 Congratulations.

00:25:02.000 It's the love of my life.

00:25:03.000 I'll say that on the air.

00:25:04.000 I believe you.

00:25:05.000 I'm not even kidding.

00:25:06.000 And, um...

00:25:07.000 I mean, it's actually the first girl.

00:25:09.000 I got her, during the pandemical, I got her, you know, at the airport.

00:25:14.000 And I'll get into that later, but the point is, it's the only girl, since I'm 17, that I've ever lived with, we haven't had an argument in nearly four years.

00:25:25.000 And that has not been my life, as you know.

00:25:29.000 Yeah.

00:25:33.000 Well, the point I was making, I brought you up and I said, you know, I'm gonna have to, to do this podcast right, I gotta tell Joe my feelings about the thing we were talking about last night.

00:25:45.000 And I don't want him mad because I've always said the one person...

00:25:50.000 I've told this to so many comics.

00:25:52.000 I go, the one person you never want to fuck with and get angry is Rogan.

00:25:59.000 That includes me, you know.

00:26:02.000 I go, you can fuck with any comic.

00:26:04.000 They're all insecure.

00:26:06.000 They get scared if they see a fly.

00:26:08.000 I go, don't fuck with Rogan.

00:26:10.000 Because you're another guy that does the fucking...

00:26:13.000 And she goes, well, are you going to tell him this?

00:26:16.000 I go, you know what?

00:26:17.000 I owe it to myself because if I don't tell him this, then I'm not the man I say I am.

00:26:23.000 You know.

00:26:30.000 The lion isn't the king?

00:26:34.000 It's the tiger?

00:26:35.000 Yes.

00:26:37.000 Tigers fuck up lions.

00:26:39.000 Do you understand what you've done to me?

00:26:40.000 Yeah.

00:26:41.000 They're bigger.

00:26:42.000 No, but you don't get it.

00:26:44.000 My whole life, I've based off the lion being the king of the jungle.

00:26:49.000 I have a gold lion with diamonds in it.

00:26:52.000 I have a mat at my house.

00:26:54.000 Do you know why they're the king of the jungle?

00:26:56.000 I saw it all explained.

00:26:58.000 Well, I'll tell you why, because the tiger doesn't live there.

00:27:01.000 No, but the point is, I see this whole thing with the tiger kicking the shit.

00:27:06.000 Mike, I have a production company.

00:27:11.000 Name Brave Lion.

00:27:12.000 Lions are amazing.

00:27:14.000 No, but he's not the king anymore.

00:27:16.000 He's a jerk-off animal with a good head, dude.

00:27:18.000 That's all the lion is to me now.

00:27:20.000 They have a much better relationship, though, with the other lions.

00:27:23.000 The lion is the king.

00:27:24.000 You know why?

00:27:25.000 The king doesn't necessarily have to be the baddest motherfucker.

00:27:27.000 The king just has to be a real, like, an alpha dominant male of the pride.

00:27:34.000 But with cats, tigers are more solitary.

00:27:38.000 They have a totally different kind of relationship.

00:27:40.000 But I would have named a brave tiger.

00:27:41.000 Yeah, but you don't want to be a tiger.

00:27:43.000 You want to be a lion.

00:27:45.000 Lions are more admirable.

00:27:46.000 Well, my thing was with the lion, when the lion gets backed against the wall, his claws grow.

00:27:51.000 And that's why he could beat the shit out of everybody.

00:27:54.000 Like, when he feels cornered, like, he could take down a bear because of the claws, right?

00:28:00.000 No.

00:28:01.000 Well, they're just really good predators, and they might not be able to take down a bear.

00:28:04.000 Bears are pretty fucking huge and ferocious and very invulnerable.

00:28:09.000 Their bodies are very thick.

00:28:10.000 But I saw that, and I'm like, are you kidding me here?

00:28:12.000 Yeah.

00:28:13.000 Tigers would destroy lions.

00:28:14.000 Because your case is very strong.

00:28:17.000 The thing is, though, lions have a terrible existence in the end because the male lions, they gang up on them and kill them.

00:28:23.000 Yeah, and I heard it's the chick that kicks everybody's ass.

00:28:26.000 Well, the chicks do all the hunting.

00:28:28.000 Female lives do all the hunting.

00:28:30.000 So basically the guy sits around and he reads the newspaper like he's worthless.

00:28:34.000 All the male does is protect his children from other males and protect the females from being bred by other males.

00:28:41.000 Okay.

00:28:54.000 It's a rough neighborhood.

00:28:57.000 So I don't have to change the name?

00:29:00.000 No, no, no.

00:29:00.000 Lions are amazing.

00:29:01.000 They're more complicated.

00:29:04.000 So you're saying lion stills the king?

00:29:06.000 Yeah.

00:29:07.000 Lions are the king.

00:29:07.000 What tigers are is just this ultra beautiful killing machine.

00:29:12.000 That's what they are.

00:29:13.000 They're a different thing.

00:29:14.000 They don't have the same nobility.

00:29:16.000 When a lion's sitting there over his pride and the females are all out hunting, that's an amazing creature.

00:29:23.000 Yeah, that's how I looked at it.

00:29:24.000 And then I see the thing with the tiger.

00:29:26.000 And for two days now she's going, are you really going to talk about this?

00:29:32.000 And you're going to bring up the points?

00:29:37.000 There's a balance to all of it.

00:29:39.000 The pyramid thing?

00:29:41.000 Yeah.

00:29:42.000 She goes, you really going to bring that up?

00:29:43.000 And she goes, you know how you are.

00:29:45.000 You're not that academic.

00:29:47.000 And I go, I gotta admit, and you even probably know this, you're never gonna find two Dice fans that are arguing over what college you think Dice went to.

00:30:02.000 You're never gonna find those fans.

00:30:04.000 One of them might say something like, well, I heard he lived near a college.

00:30:09.000 You know what I mean?

00:30:10.000 But with the pyramid thing, why not?

00:30:15.000 Just on that.

00:30:16.000 What about the pyramid?

00:30:17.000 Why not?

00:30:19.000 Why North?

00:30:20.000 What's that?

00:30:20.000 No, North.

00:30:22.000 North?

00:30:22.000 You know how they point North?

00:30:25.000 North, South, East, and West.

00:30:26.000 North.

00:30:26.000 No, but there's a reason like they're North or something?

00:30:29.000 Well, the pyramid is the way it's set on the Earth.

00:30:34.000 It points directly North, South, East, and West apparently.

00:30:40.000 Like, find out what the way the pyramid is aligned with the Earth.

00:30:46.000 There's also the height of the pyramid.

00:30:48.000 Yeah.

00:30:49.000 There's like a lot of mathematics, but this is all like Randall Carlson stuff.

00:30:52.000 Like with the eucalyptus in the world.

00:30:53.000 Yeah, the eucalyptus, yeah.

00:30:54.000 You know, with the width and everything.

00:30:57.000 It's also the three pyramids aligned with these certain stars in the sky and the Orion belt.

00:31:02.000 There's a lot of complicated stuff with the pyramids.

00:31:04.000 Yeah, because you really delve into this stuff.

00:31:08.000 Now, delve is not an easy word.

00:31:10.000 I'll just tell you that, Vincent.

00:31:11.000 You know, delve is not an easy word.

00:31:14.000 It's hard to use and not sound pretentious.

00:31:17.000 I learned this.

00:31:17.000 Delve.

00:31:17.000 You know, I figured...

00:31:19.000 No, but...

00:31:20.000 Okay, the Giza pyramid, oriented to the face of the four cardinal directions, true north, south, east, and west.

00:31:25.000 Their entrances are all on the north side, and the temple of the pyramids are on the east side.

00:31:31.000 So somehow or another they aligned it to true north, south, east, and west.

00:31:34.000 2,300,000 stones in the Great Pyramid of Giza.

00:31:38.000 They don't know how they moved them there.

00:31:39.000 They don't know how they put them there.

00:31:40.000 Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

00:31:41.000 So we really don't even know.

00:31:43.000 I've been obsessed with that since I was a boy.

00:31:45.000 And are you thinking aliens?

00:31:49.000 I think more likely there was a very advanced civilization and they got wiped out by some natural disaster.

00:31:57.000 I think where we are right now, I think another civilization before us was maybe more evolved than us or more advanced than us, just in a different way.

00:32:08.000 And their way was these immense stone structures with a lot of geological...

00:32:12.000 Yeah, because there was nothing around.

00:32:13.000 They had to bring them from somewhere.

00:32:14.000 Well, they know the quarries where they brought them from.

00:32:17.000 Some of them were 500 miles away.

00:32:18.000 But how perfectly...

00:32:20.000 Insane.

00:32:21.000 Perfect.

00:32:21.000 Not just insane how smooth and cut they were, but supposedly those people didn't even have steel.

00:32:28.000 Supposedly they were working with copper tools.

00:32:30.000 And also the methods they used, there were some sort of diamond saws.

00:32:36.000 Because there's cuts in some of them that indicate a very high RPM drill that they used.

00:32:43.000 There's all these corings where it seems like the stone's been cored by these super sophisticated machinery that we don't understand today.

00:32:55.000 We don't know what they used.

00:32:56.000 We don't know where they got it.

00:32:57.000 We don't know where it is now.

00:32:59.000 We don't know what happened.

00:33:00.000 I think Randall Carlson's explanation and Graham Hancock's explanations are the best.

00:33:05.000 And what they talk about is that there was a verified 100% impact on Earth somewhere 11,800 years ago.

00:33:15.000 And not just here, not just like in North America, but all over Europe, they find nanodiamonds and they find evidence of iridium, which is very common in space and very rare on Earth.

00:33:26.000 So they think that civilization got wiped out.

00:33:29.000 So that's what I think the pyramids are.

00:33:31.000 I think the pyramids are the best evidence of that insanely advanced civilization that existed 20,000 years ago.

00:33:37.000 Maybe even more.

00:33:39.000 I think our timeline is fucked up.

00:33:41.000 And Graham Hancock says it best.

00:33:43.000 He said that we're a civilization with amnesia.

00:33:46.000 That's what I think.

00:33:47.000 But maybe aliens too.

00:33:48.000 Yeah, this is why I stick to comedy.

00:33:53.000 But that's what I love about you, that...

00:33:57.000 I actually feel like it's your thirst for learning and everything that has brought you to this level where you are today.

00:34:04.000 Well, it's definitely helped me a lot because all the people that I wanted to talk to, it's because I wanted to talk to them.

00:34:10.000 It wasn't because a publicist set it up and it looked beneficial or something like that.

00:34:16.000 All these weird scientists and archaeologists and interesting people.

00:34:20.000 Yeah, that's what's amazing about this show.

00:34:21.000 On any given day...

00:34:24.000 It could be a scientist, a doctor, a comedian.

00:34:29.000 You know, that's why you're sitting where you are right now.

00:34:34.000 And I just, you know, I'm just giving you...

00:34:36.000 It's that word.

00:34:37.000 I'm just giving you kudos.

00:34:40.000 Thank you, sir.

00:34:40.000 Appreciate it.

00:34:41.000 Like I was really, like I was saying, just really proud when I heard you made the deal and, you know, the whole thing.

00:34:49.000 Because I know what that feels like when you go from a level you thought that was it.

00:34:55.000 To this whole other stratosphere.

00:34:58.000 I know what you were entering and that's why I was texting you at the beginning and even writing things to you like, don't just give away your money because I know how it gets when you hit that level.

00:35:11.000 I used to give away just, I mean, bums would get $5,000.

00:35:18.000 I always at that time just carried, I'm not even, and if you're missing a limb, it was 10 grand.

00:35:23.000 I'm not even kidding.

00:35:25.000 And I remember being outside the comedy store, and there's a lady, you might have even seen her back then, she had two kids, and, you know, the shopping cart from Ralph's, whatever, and I'm just feeling bad going, this woman doesn't even have a place to live.

00:35:42.000 And I just take out five grand cash, I go, here, go get yourself a place to live.

00:35:46.000 You know, don't you think she was back the next night for another five grand?

00:35:51.000 Was she?

00:35:52.000 Yeah, I couldn't believe it.

00:35:53.000 But there was one guy I really felt bad for, a guy, and it was Chicago.

00:36:00.000 And this isn't to say how good I am, because people go, what charities are you involved?

00:36:04.000 I give money when I see people that need money.

00:36:08.000 I'm not saying I never gave to a charity, but I'm saying I don't need the bullshitter going, oh, what a good person.

00:36:15.000 He's involved in this.

00:36:17.000 It's just not who I am.

00:36:18.000 There's a bit of a scam to that.

00:36:20.000 Yeah, I give personally.

00:36:22.000 So I saw a guy in the rain hopping around on one leg and crutches.

00:36:27.000 I gave this guy 10 grand.

00:36:29.000 I put it right in his pocket and I walked away.

00:36:32.000 Another guy chased me down the block in a wheelchair that I put five grand in his cup.

00:36:37.000 He realized what I put in his cup and I go, just take it brother, it's good.

00:36:43.000 Just let it be good for you.

00:36:45.000 That's the way I like to do things, but I would get hit up.

00:36:49.000 Buy every comic.

00:36:50.000 I get calls for cards.

00:36:53.000 My wife's a little sick.

00:36:54.000 Can you see?

00:36:55.000 I just need three grand.

00:36:57.000 You know, they'd ask for thousands like it was nothing.

00:37:00.000 So when you took off, I was like, just tell this guy, take care of your family.

00:37:05.000 That's it.

00:37:06.000 You know, I'm not saying never take care of a buddy if he's, you know, in dire straits.

00:37:11.000 But I'm just saying everybody comes out of the woodwork and the level you went to and the press you got about it.

00:37:18.000 You know, I would tell my girlfriend and my sons, I go, this guy's going to be hit from all angles.

00:37:23.000 I want to see what this does to him.

00:37:25.000 And you've kept it together incredible.

00:37:28.000 Thank you.

00:37:28.000 You know, and another thing I'm looking forward to is, I'll talk about the Comedy Store, but The mothership.

00:37:37.000 I hear it's just...

00:37:38.000 I can't wait to show it to you.

00:37:40.000 I can't wait to be there because it's, you know, I know how much you love Mitzi and the store and you were...

00:37:47.000 Didn't you like start building it and just redo it because you didn't like how it was going?

00:37:51.000 Well, not really.

00:37:52.000 I started at a different place.

00:37:54.000 I bought a different place and there was a problem with the building.

00:37:57.000 So I had to get another building.

00:37:59.000 But I just hear from everybody...

00:38:02.000 Like, that it is just number one.

00:38:05.000 Like, it's just the greatest club you could play.

00:38:07.000 And that's why I'm excited.

00:38:09.000 Can I even say I'm just doing the show?

00:38:12.000 Yeah.

00:38:13.000 You know, I want people to know I'm not even, I don't want any money for it.

00:38:16.000 I just want it.

00:38:17.000 You have been, you know, you've just been great about me.

00:38:22.000 Like, I see all the episodes, like, with Tarantino, with any comic that comes...

00:38:28.000 I could even see the comics get aggravated because they want to talk about their own career.

00:38:32.000 And I'm not going to say names, but I see them.

00:38:35.000 And you're going, no, but when Dice did it, it was a fucking explosion.

00:38:41.000 He goes, yeah, and you'll say it.

00:38:43.000 You'll go, a lot of the comics today, they do arenas, but if Dice didn't do it, we wouldn't be doing it.

00:38:50.000 And it was an explosion.

00:38:51.000 And that's why I even gave him that clip of The Garden, which was filmed for a movie.

00:38:59.000 But, yeah, coming up, you know, at the store with...

00:39:04.000 I'm gonna...

00:39:05.000 Well, what was great for us was that you still came around.

00:39:09.000 That, for us...

00:39:10.000 I loved it.

00:39:10.000 For guys, but for guys like me who were just coming up, who could barely headline on the road, to be hanging out with you, that you would come and hang out with us.

00:39:19.000 It was amazing.

00:39:20.000 It was like Dice is like a normal guy.

00:39:22.000 But this is...

00:39:22.000 And I can be.

00:39:24.000 Yeah.

00:39:24.000 But this is how smart you are.

00:39:27.000 So I'm filming, this is even before reality became reality, and I never got it out there.

00:39:33.000 So there's all these new comics at the store.

00:39:36.000 Ari, you know, Bobby Lee, Maz Gibran, Steve Renazizi, all these new comics that were, you know, like I'm holding court.

00:39:47.000 You know, because they can't believe I'm over there.

00:39:50.000 So, I've been filming myself since I made it.

00:39:55.000 Alright, so I'm filming at the store every night, calling it the show.

00:39:58.000 Like, I'd be kicking waitresses out of the kitchen, I'd change the lighting in the kitchen, I'd put like red and blue bulbs so the lighting wasn't harsh, you know, and a waitress could be in there getting an order, you know, and I'd go, uh, you're in my shot?

00:40:13.000 You gotta leave the kitchen.

00:40:15.000 And it's amazing how I just filmed and filmed and filmed, and one night, You're looking and you got this puzzled look.

00:40:23.000 And I'm like in it, you know.

00:40:24.000 And you come over to me and go, can I just ask you something?

00:40:30.000 What's with the camera?

00:40:32.000 I see you every night filming.

00:40:34.000 Like I'm in it.

00:40:34.000 Like I'm being my own Tarantino.

00:40:37.000 Right.

00:40:38.000 And I go, no, I film everything.

00:40:39.000 I've always filmed everything.

00:40:42.000 And I don't know, it couldn't have been more than a few weeks.

00:40:44.000 You had a guy with you.

00:40:46.000 See, that's why you've made it in the business, because you took it in and go, yeah, why shouldn't I film what I'm doing in my life?

00:40:52.000 We definitely decided to film some, but you were doing like sketches.

00:40:57.000 Yeah, but that, no, I called it the show.

00:40:59.000 It was an actual reality show.

00:41:01.000 And I used to love, like, even Paulie would come in and go, dude, what are you filming?

00:41:06.000 I go, the show.

00:41:08.000 He goes, what show, dude?

00:41:10.000 I go, it's my show.

00:41:12.000 It's a reality show with all the guys.

00:41:16.000 Hysterical.

00:41:16.000 I put clips up on my phone all the time.

00:41:20.000 What possesses you to do these videos where you just walk up to people?

00:41:27.000 Are we going to show them now, the ones I sent?

00:41:29.000 Yeah, let's show some of these videos because they're insane.

00:41:31.000 Don't show it.

00:41:31.000 There's a reason.

00:41:32.000 Okay.

00:41:33.000 Okay.

00:41:34.000 It's the same thing that possessed you to do those videos back then.

00:41:37.000 No, obviously, this is different.

00:41:39.000 Okay.

00:41:39.000 Obviously, you loved The Day of the Laugh to Die.

00:41:43.000 Yes.

00:41:43.000 Okay?

00:41:45.000 Now, I can't let you keep this, but I could let you wear it for a little.

00:41:50.000 What is it?

00:41:51.000 This is the hat I wore, and there's even pictures I sent traps last night.

00:41:57.000 I can wear it?

00:41:58.000 Is that what you're saying?

00:41:58.000 Yeah, I want you to wear it a little because this is the hat I wore and he's got pictures of me on stage at Dangerfields recording it.

00:42:08.000 There we are.

00:42:09.000 Okay?

00:42:10.000 That's a nice hat.

00:42:11.000 You know.

00:42:13.000 Come on.

00:42:15.000 What do you think?

00:42:16.000 Bro, this hat smells terrible.

00:42:20.000 What are you talking about?

00:42:21.000 It smells like cabbage.

00:42:22.000 No, but I know you like it, so I want you to wear it.

00:42:28.000 Wait a minute.

00:42:31.000 That's one of the hats.

00:42:32.000 Okay.

00:42:32.000 Because there were two hats.

00:42:33.000 I did three nights.

00:42:34.000 Take a sniff of that hat.

00:42:36.000 For real.

00:42:36.000 Really?

00:42:37.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:42:38.000 All right, you don't have to wear it.

00:42:39.000 If you want to take a picture of it, you'll take a picture of it.

00:42:42.000 Okay.

00:42:42.000 You know what I mean?

00:42:43.000 Cabbage.

00:42:44.000 You know.

00:42:44.000 It's awful.

00:42:45.000 So anyway, I do, you know, at the height of doing arenas, because honestly, you know, I almost laugh at it today, because when I would go on sale, we put 20 shows on sale.

00:42:58.000 Let's say it's, we go on sale Friday morning, 10 o'clock.

00:43:03.000 Monday, tickets are gone.

00:43:05.000 Okay?

00:43:06.000 Half a million tickets gone.

00:43:08.000 And then I go do the tours.

00:43:10.000 But what I like, like you said, how I like to hang at the store, even after I did the L.A. Forum, okay?

00:43:17.000 Now, at the Forum, you had...

00:43:20.000 Number one, at the end of my shows, this is the stuff people never really realize unless they've come to a Dice concert.

00:43:29.000 The last 20 minutes to a half hour is all music.

00:43:33.000 I would do from Luther Vandross, Love Won't Let Me Wait.

00:43:40.000 And you would think that's what I came there to see because I didn't send a clip of that, but the audience would explode when I would get to the bridge of the song.

00:43:49.000 But I would do the Elvis stuff, you know, but I'd really do it.

00:43:53.000 I think I sent them Elvis.

00:43:57.000 We don't get to hear it?

00:43:59.000 Yeah, but you have one.

00:44:01.000 That's all right, mama.

00:44:03.000 Just any way you do, that's all right.

00:44:05.000 That's all right.

00:44:08.000 That's you?

00:44:09.000 Of course.

00:44:10.000 That's amazing.

00:44:14.000 That's a pretty fucking good Elvis impression.

00:44:20.000 No, but the thing is...

00:44:22.000 That's a pretty fucking solid impression.

00:44:23.000 No, but that's what I'm saying.

00:44:25.000 See, nobody, when I would be...

00:44:27.000 When they would write me up back then, you know, every journalist was after my ass.

00:44:32.000 They would never write about this stuff.

00:44:34.000 I would do the full-on Grease Lightning.

00:44:37.000 I had an eight-piece band.

00:44:38.000 But when I did, and I would also close with a giant drum solo to the Santana song Soul Sacrifice.

00:44:47.000 And when I did the Forum, besides my band, which were all Brooklyn guys, Who's on stage with me doing Elvis and the soul sacrifice?

00:44:58.000 Duff McKagan from Guns N' Roses and Slash.

00:45:02.000 They came to rehearse.

00:45:03.000 We did it.

00:45:04.000 People went berserk.

00:45:06.000 They're in my dressing room with Sly Stallone, with Cher.

00:45:11.000 I think we got...

00:45:12.000 Is that a drum one?

00:45:14.000 It's how dramatic.

00:45:16.000 Why twist lightning?

00:45:31.000 You gotta see the dance.

00:45:39.000 Did you like doing this more than the stand-up?

00:45:45.000 100%.

00:45:46.000 Really?

00:45:47.000 You can kind of tell.

00:45:48.000 Because I get to entertain.

00:45:52.000 Yeah, watch it.

00:45:54.000 Look at you go!

00:46:20.000 So you were upset that they never brought this stuff up?

00:46:22.000 They would never write it up.

00:46:24.000 You know, they just made like it was an hour of just foul language and that was it.

00:46:29.000 And my father used to get crazy from it because he's the one, he was behind me from day one.

00:46:35.000 You know, and he had, my father went from having a toy store to being a big builder.

00:46:43.000 Like, in Staten Island, he was the first builder to go into Staten Island and build, like, the newer homes.

00:46:50.000 And we lived there from the—I was 7 until I was 12. And we basically got chased out of—well, he got chased out of there.

00:46:58.000 You know, he knew he had to leave because he wasn't a gangster.

00:47:02.000 So, and the gangsters were taken over Staten Island.

00:47:05.000 They would just, they would build houses across the freeway.

00:47:08.000 There was no zoning laws.

00:47:09.000 So we went to Florida for like six months and then back to Brooklyn, you know, from 13 to 21. And then I was out in LA doing the Travolta Act.

00:47:19.000 That's how it started, me doing Travolta, which I gave you pictures, even me holding up how closely we looked the same.

00:47:27.000 You know, it was a whole Travolta Act.

00:47:30.000 And even the way that started, you know, was...

00:47:35.000 You know, I was always able to do...

00:47:39.000 That's pretty close.

00:47:41.000 Wait, show the other one where I'm greased up.

00:47:44.000 Is there another one?

00:47:46.000 Probably, maybe.

00:47:49.000 Oh, yeah.

00:47:52.000 I'm doing my first interview.

00:47:54.000 So I'm working for my father on Court Street now.

00:47:57.000 He has a process-serving agency.

00:48:00.000 And that's how I would walk around.

00:48:02.000 Because once I got into it, I became it.

00:48:05.000 So I'm picking up summonses from attorneys walking in as that guy.

00:48:11.000 And I'm doing Travolta.

00:48:13.000 I'm going, yeah, you have some summonses for royal process serving?

00:48:17.000 You know, I'm doing Vinnie Barber too.

00:48:20.000 Listen to this.

00:48:21.000 You're going to die.

00:48:21.000 I swear you're going to crack up, right?

00:48:23.000 And this was when that was on the air.

00:48:24.000 No, yes.

00:48:25.000 Yes.

00:48:26.000 And this is after Fever hit.

00:48:28.000 The way I got...

00:48:28.000 Can I take these off?

00:48:30.000 Yeah.

00:48:30.000 So the way I got into it...

00:48:32.000 So since I was in high school, when Travolta hit with Barbarino, I realized I could do like the perfect Barbarino.

00:48:41.000 But what am I going to do with it other than entertaining high school kids?

00:48:45.000 Now he comes out with Fever and he dances.

00:48:49.000 Great!

00:48:50.000 But the night I saw Grease was the night my life changed.

00:48:56.000 And there was no videos back then.

00:48:58.000 You understand?

00:49:00.000 So I'm coming home and I'm like, if I could turn from an impression I'm doing since I'm a kid, seven years old, Jerry Lewis, the nutty professor who would turn into Buddy Love, but if I could turn into Travolta from Professor Kelp,

00:49:16.000 it would just kill as an act.

00:49:20.000 Only, I never do anything fake, so I had to be able to sing as Travolta doing Grease Lightning, as you saw live.

00:49:28.000 So I go to a studio in Brooklyn, because that's what I would do.

00:49:32.000 I would drum, sing.

00:49:34.000 So I knew about where bands would go to record albums.

00:49:39.000 So I went to a studio on Kings Highway in Brooklyn called Fly Studios, and I bring the Fever album, and I bring Grease.

00:49:47.000 And I asked these guys, Can you get the lead vocal out of Grease Lightning?

00:49:54.000 Because I'm not going to do it fake.

00:49:56.000 If I can't sound like him, I'm not doing the act.

00:49:58.000 They got it out.

00:50:00.000 I rehearsed for three weeks doing this act that these two guys, and I know it sounds like one of my old jokes.

00:50:07.000 What are your names?

00:50:08.000 Neil and Bob?

00:50:09.000 Is that like what you do?

00:50:11.000 You know, that was a heck of a line.

00:50:13.000 But the guys that owned the studio's names were Neil and Bob.

00:50:17.000 Okay.

00:50:18.000 So these guys are watching me.

00:50:20.000 You know, I'm in the part where you could record, and they're working, you know, the whole, you know, the board.

00:50:28.000 And I come out of the bathroom looking like Jerry Lewis, the nutty professor, talking to the mirror.

00:50:35.000 Actually, uh...

00:50:38.000 Actually, I'm a pity, ladies and gentlemen.

00:50:41.000 I have my magic formula, and I'd take the formula, and I'd say, okay, hit the music.

00:50:47.000 There was an intro.

00:50:48.000 And I'd be in the dark, rip off the Jerry Lewis stuff, and now I'm Travolta from Grease.

00:50:56.000 And I did that act at Pips in Brooklyn, which I think you got a picture of the owner with Rodney Dangerfield outside the club.

00:51:06.000 So I go to Pips on audition night.

00:51:10.000 And I come up as Jerry Lewis, and I got my whole family there.

00:51:14.000 My mother, my father, my sister, and...

00:51:18.000 Because I'm telling them, don't forget, come to Pips.

00:51:21.000 But what was amazing, when I put the act together, I had to sit in the theater all day and watch Grease with a pad like this and write down names for the moves Travolta was doing.

00:51:35.000 Or else I'd forget when I would rehearse the act that you were seeing.

00:51:40.000 The guy in the middle, his name is George Schultz, you know, and Pips was the first real comedy club in America.

00:51:48.000 Really?

00:51:49.000 And it spawned Rodney.

00:51:51.000 What year was that?

00:51:53.000 I don't know what year they opened.

00:51:54.000 I think he opened in the 60s.

00:51:56.000 And he, George himself, should have been a comic.

00:52:00.000 He just wasn't, okay?

00:52:02.000 But he gave Rodney the line, I don't get no respect.

00:52:06.000 At least, yeah.

00:52:07.000 And he helped different guys.

00:52:09.000 David Brenna, every time he was going to do...

00:52:12.000 62, holy shit.

00:52:14.000 Yeah.

00:52:16.000 62. It was a sushi place.

00:52:19.000 Mambo Sushi.

00:52:20.000 Look at that.

00:52:21.000 And he turned it into Pips.

00:52:23.000 Wow.

00:52:24.000 David Brenner.

00:52:25.000 Anytime Brenner was going to do the Carson show, George would help him with his set.

00:52:30.000 So when the business wasn't doing well, Brenner would give them all kinds of money to survive.

00:52:35.000 And the two sons ran the club.

00:52:39.000 So I show up there, my parents are there.

00:52:42.000 Now, picture your parents.

00:52:43.000 Now, your own parents watching Joe go on stage doing an impression he was doing at five.

00:52:51.000 Going, really?

00:52:53.000 This is why we're here?

00:52:54.000 And I'm on stage, I'm still 20 years old, doing the Jerry Lewis Actually Ladies, and it's a Brooklyn crowd.

00:53:02.000 Just booing the fuck.

00:53:05.000 Get the fuck off!

00:53:06.000 You fucking suck!

00:53:09.000 And I'm just committed.

00:53:10.000 I go, I have put together a formula.

00:53:17.000 Like, okay.

00:53:20.000 I take the formula.

00:53:23.000 Seth Schultz knew, shut the lights.

00:53:27.000 I turn my back to the crowd.

00:53:28.000 They're screaming.

00:53:30.000 You got 100 people, 99 people, screaming to get off the stage.

00:53:36.000 I'm slicking my hair back.

00:53:37.000 I'm staying calm.

00:53:39.000 Music starts.

00:53:40.000 It's from Fever to Disco Inferno.

00:53:45.000 Ladies and gentlemen, somebody new, somebody exciting.

00:53:48.000 Ladies and gentlemen, Andrew Clay.

00:53:50.000 And I turn around with that, when you saw me in the leather jacket, that look.

00:53:55.000 And I just pose, and I start like a fake walk, like Travolta and Fever.

00:54:01.000 And they're starting to scream.

00:54:03.000 Now it's turning.

00:54:05.000 I wait, because I always wait.

00:54:08.000 Even to this day, when I'm on stage, I just wait.

00:54:11.000 And...

00:54:14.000 So I wait till it quiets down.

00:54:16.000 I come up to the mic and I'm like...

00:54:18.000 So you thought it couldn't be done, right?

00:54:22.000 The place went nuts.

00:54:26.000 Now I talk about the car.

00:54:28.000 Here comes Grease Lightning.

00:54:31.000 When I did Grease Lightning, you're talking about Brooklyn Animals, and I know you know about that stuff because you're from Boston.

00:54:38.000 You know what kind of our East Coast people.

00:54:40.000 Yeah.

00:54:40.000 They were throwing tables over.

00:54:42.000 They're going fucking berserk.

00:54:44.000 I don't even know what just happened.

00:54:46.000 And as I'm leaving with my family, here come the two sons going, wait a minute, where are you going?

00:54:52.000 You know, who are you?

00:54:54.000 Like, what is that?

00:54:55.000 You know, they go, you got a manager?

00:54:58.000 You know, and I just look at my father and go, yeah, he's right here.

00:55:02.000 And my family is stunned from what they just witnessed.

00:55:06.000 And they go, we want to book your son to headline this coming weekend.

00:55:11.000 What?

00:55:13.000 First time on stage?

00:55:15.000 First time on stage.

00:55:17.000 And I said, what you saw tonight, that's the whole act.

00:55:23.000 They go, just do what you did tonight.

00:55:26.000 Just do that.

00:55:27.000 And they go, it's not a lot of money.

00:55:29.000 It's $50.

00:55:30.000 I go, you think I care?

00:55:31.000 We don't care about the money.

00:55:33.000 Like, I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

00:55:35.000 And then we went to a diner in Sheepshead Bay, and nobody could even talk for like 10 minutes.

00:55:41.000 And then my mother's like, Andrew...

00:55:45.000 When did you think of this?

00:55:47.000 You know, it was so great.

00:55:49.000 And then everybody starts talking about what just happened.

00:55:52.000 I was shell-shocked.

00:55:54.000 Because I'm not thinking they're going to go nuts.

00:55:57.000 I thought it was a clever idea.

00:56:00.000 You know, and it built from there, and within six months I'm doing my own shows where my father's selling tickets at Dangerfields.

00:56:09.000 What year was this?

00:56:11.000 This is 1978. The first time on stage was September 13th, 78. So you really hit about like eight years later.

00:56:21.000 Ten years.

00:56:21.000 February 13th, 88, Rodney's special.

00:56:26.000 When did your cassette come out then?

00:56:29.000 No, well, Rick Rubin met me.

00:56:31.000 The first.

00:56:31.000 When was, like, the first one?

00:56:33.000 No, you're talking about the Black album.

00:56:35.000 Yes, yes, yes.

00:56:36.000 That came out right about the same time the Rodney special aired.

00:56:42.000 See, I was at the Laugh Factory when it was just an 80-seat room before he opened up.

00:56:49.000 Okay, I must have been 21 then.

00:56:51.000 I thought I was 19. I've got a screwed up memory.

00:56:53.000 Okay.

00:56:54.000 That makes sense, actually.

00:56:56.000 Now I think about the girl.

00:56:57.000 Between sets, I went over to Greenblatt's to get a cup of coffee and I'm with this screenplay writer.

00:57:04.000 His name was Mark...

00:57:05.000 I forgot his last name, actually.

00:57:08.000 Sorry.

00:57:08.000 Sorry, Mark.

00:57:10.000 Sorry.

00:57:10.000 Anyway, we're getting coffee, and here comes this guy, you know Rick Rubin with the beard, the whole lot, and he's with this little, like, heavyset guy, and I'm like, oh man, here comes some asshole, you know, and he goes, yeah, can I,

00:57:26.000 you know, he's soft-spoken, can I speak with you a minute, and I do have a Brooklyn attitude.

00:57:32.000 I'll admit it.

00:57:33.000 And I go, yeah, what can I do for you, pal?

00:57:36.000 I've got to do another show.

00:57:38.000 And then the guy, Mark, that's with me goes, aren't you Rick Rubin?

00:57:42.000 And I'm looking at him.

00:57:44.000 I'm going, who's Rick?

00:57:45.000 He goes, he basically created rap.

00:57:48.000 And Rick goes, yeah, I want to do an album with you, and I don't want to bother you, I'm going to go next door and watch the second show.

00:57:55.000 You know, because I had to do another show.

00:57:57.000 And that's how me and Rick met, and we wound up doing five albums together.

00:58:02.000 You know, and we were a great team together.

00:58:06.000 I mean, you know, he's Rick Rubin.

00:58:08.000 And, I mean, sometimes we would disagree, but you can't get Rick mad.

00:58:15.000 He's an interesting cat.

00:58:17.000 Well...

00:58:18.000 Very different human being, right?

00:58:19.000 Oh.

00:58:20.000 It's, you know...

00:58:23.000 I said to Rick one time, you know, when Dice Rules, where I do Grease Lightning, that was Dice Rules, the album, okay, besides the movie.

00:58:33.000 And I go, did they, I was at Westwood One Radio, something like that, and on the way back, you know, I say to Rick, I go, did they put up all the posters like you said they were going to do?

00:58:48.000 You know, and he goes, I suppose.

00:58:52.000 And I'm looking at him.

00:58:54.000 I go, you're the boss.

00:58:56.000 Don't you know?

00:58:58.000 Well, I told him to put it up.

00:59:01.000 Yeah, like, you can't get, even if he didn't like something on an album, and, you know, I could get heated, you know?

00:59:10.000 I'm that kind of personality.

00:59:11.000 I'm like, I don't give a fuck.

00:59:13.000 It's not your fucking album.

00:59:15.000 Well, then I suppose you'll do what you like.

00:59:19.000 Don't you ever get mad?

00:59:21.000 Didn't you ever have a fight?

00:59:23.000 And he goes, actually, I never had a fight.

00:59:26.000 I go, you never got a punch in the face.

00:59:30.000 He goes, no.

00:59:31.000 I go, well, you're about to, if you don't just get mad at me, at least.

00:59:34.000 Like, yell at me.

00:59:35.000 But great guy, and we had great experience.

00:59:38.000 So when it came to the day the laughter died...

00:59:42.000 So, me and Rick put out hit albums.

00:59:45.000 And this is right, like, I think, after Dice Rules.

00:59:48.000 These are high-powered comedy albums to sell millions of copies.

00:59:54.000 So, this you'll like.

00:59:56.000 Mitzi's involved in it.

00:59:57.000 This is great.

00:59:59.000 So, um...

01:00:01.000 Me and Rick are talking and I go, you know, you know how much I love going on late at night and just, you know, no reaction.

01:00:10.000 Because that's how my career got made.

01:00:11.000 I was always like one of the last few acts at night at the comedy store.

01:00:16.000 You know, of course, the kind of stuff I did.

01:00:18.000 So there's, you know, people sitting quiet.

01:00:20.000 You got a drunk in the front with his head on the table.

01:00:23.000 And you got four people that are just too tired to leave.

01:00:25.000 You've had those sets.

01:00:26.000 Oh, yeah.

01:00:27.000 You know?

01:00:28.000 And I go, I want to do, like, the ultimate late-night set.

01:00:33.000 You know?

01:00:34.000 And he sort of had the same thought process.

01:00:38.000 Like, we just go unsuspecting crowd.

01:00:42.000 You know?

01:00:42.000 And this is...

01:00:44.000 Like you would say, at the height of doing the arenas, you know, craziness surrounded me at that time.

01:00:51.000 It was like the Lady Gaga of stand-up comedy, you know?

01:00:55.000 And now I just want to go up in front of a few people with no notes, with no idea of what the album's going to be.

01:01:05.000 And we do three nights at Dangerfields, and it winds up the double CD, The Day the Laughter Died.

01:01:12.000 Okay.

01:01:14.000 And I'm just loving it.

01:01:16.000 The silence.

01:01:18.000 The smoke.

01:01:19.000 You could hear me smoke.

01:01:22.000 People walking out.

01:01:24.000 And we didn't cut any of it.

01:01:26.000 Like I said, keep it in there.

01:01:29.000 It's great.

01:01:30.000 I really got angry at this family that came in.

01:01:36.000 See, this could set me up for Saturday Night Live to tell you stuff, but...

01:01:42.000 So this family comes in, these real fucking out-of-townies from, I don't know, Midwest, Bible Belt, you know, whatever they were, but they were all wearing the same coat and the same hat with the ball on top.

01:02:00.000 Two daughters, mother, father.

01:02:02.000 And they're sitting in the front, and the more I got into them, the more the father laughed.

01:02:11.000 And I got angry at that because I'm going, this guy, I would imagine in my mind that this guy really looks to fuck around with his daughters.

01:02:20.000 They were old enough, you know, they were like, I don't remember the ages, but I don't know, young 20s, late teens.

01:02:26.000 And I'm going, why is this motherfucker laughing when I'm doing this instead of going...

01:02:33.000 I cut it out.

01:02:34.000 Because I know if I was sitting there with my two daughters and some comic, some asshole on stage is going, so you like to have her on your lap or whatever I said on the album, you know, I'd look at the guy and go, walk away from me and my family.

01:02:48.000 Or there's a problem.

01:02:50.000 That's how I would get.

01:02:51.000 This guy's laughing and I'm angry about it.

01:02:55.000 So the more he would laugh, the more I would go after this motherfucker.

01:02:59.000 But there's also no laughs.

01:03:01.000 That's the part I did enjoy.

01:03:04.000 The actual silence of the room or somebody walking out and yelling.

01:03:10.000 What's that?

01:03:10.000 There's a famous one line on that.

01:03:13.000 You're about as funny as a glass of milk.

01:03:15.000 You know the album better than me, which is ridiculous.

01:03:18.000 Why would you not?

01:03:19.000 That's it!

01:03:20.000 I love that album.

01:03:22.000 Let me tell you how I found out about that album.

01:03:24.000 There's a great comic in Boston named Mike Donovan.

01:03:26.000 Mike Donovan got the album.

01:03:28.000 I know that name.

01:03:29.000 I don't know Mike.

01:03:29.000 He's a very funny comic.

01:03:31.000 Very good guy.

01:03:32.000 And he was a great guy when I was an open-miker, would give you real good advice.

01:03:36.000 He was the first guy to tell me to take a tape recorder on stage.

01:03:39.000 He goes, sometimes you say things you forgot what you said.

01:03:42.000 Like, sometimes you said it in a different way and it's much better.

01:03:44.000 You gotta listen to your recordings.

01:03:46.000 Mike Donovan got ahold of your CD, and he was in the back room of the fucking Comedy Connection, howling laughing at you doing Nixon.

01:03:56.000 I'll do Nixon in that ass.

01:03:59.000 And that to him was like one of the funniest fucking things.

01:04:03.000 This guy was laughing so hard.

01:04:06.000 He was like, he's a fucking psycho.

01:04:08.000 He's out there bombing.

01:04:09.000 He doesn't give a fuck.

01:04:11.000 There's no laughs, and it's hilarious.

01:04:13.000 It's so ridiculous.

01:04:14.000 This guy loved it.

01:04:16.000 And I went out and got it.

01:04:17.000 And I remember, you know, at the time, I was really young in comedy.

01:04:21.000 And for me, the idea of wanting this out there didn't even make any sense.

01:04:27.000 Like, why would he do this?

01:04:28.000 You don't know how much that means to me.

01:04:30.000 See, that's what I look like to hear.

01:04:32.000 It was amazing to me.

01:04:34.000 Because people try to pigeonhole you as this one-dimensional thing.

01:04:41.000 And that is that you're missing the beauty of what he does.

01:04:47.000 I always tell people this.

01:04:49.000 First of all, he's the first guy ever in stand-up that people knew the jokes and wanted to say the punchline along with him.

01:05:01.000 It became a different thing.

01:05:03.000 I go, you have to understand, he cracked a code.

01:05:06.000 This rhyme thing, what you did was, it was comedy plus.

01:05:11.000 Like, it was another level of enjoyment.

01:05:14.000 And to this day, if I don't close my shows with the poems, the audience complains.

01:05:19.000 I think you have to!

01:05:20.000 But there's, it was a different thing.

01:05:23.000 And then the fact that in the height of your stardom, you chose to do the day the laughter died.

01:05:29.000 I'm like, do you not understand what he's doing?

01:05:31.000 This is beautiful performance art.

01:05:34.000 Also to me, like you said, it's an acting piece.

01:05:38.000 It was always about the acting.

01:05:42.000 I got to see you do a fucking who knows how many sets.

01:05:48.000 Late at night, unannounced, you would just show up and start insulting people in the audience.

01:05:55.000 You would choose a person, you would tell them not to laugh.

01:05:57.000 You would call it, I remember what, you would call it Dice Mean.

01:06:00.000 Yeah, Dice, oh no, it's Dice Mean.

01:06:03.000 But let me tell you what, the backlash of the day the laughter died.

01:06:06.000 So the first one, all right, so Sandy Gallen was the manager.

01:06:11.000 Yes.

01:06:11.000 David Geffen put out the albums, Rick produced them, and Barry Dilla ran Fox Studios.

01:06:18.000 That's where I had my movie deal.

01:06:20.000 Yeah.

01:06:20.000 So I get called into David Geffen's office, and I'm with Rick, and he's like, okay, can you explain this to me?

01:06:32.000 And I go, what needs to be said?

01:06:35.000 He goes, there's no people.

01:06:38.000 You know, there's nothing.

01:06:40.000 It's terrible, you know.

01:06:43.000 And I go, yeah, and Rick is laughing because Rick does have a great sense of humor.

01:06:48.000 Rick loved it.

01:06:49.000 Oh, he loved it.

01:06:50.000 He loves chaos.

01:06:51.000 He loves it.

01:06:52.000 So I go, no, but do you understand?

01:06:54.000 It's never been.

01:06:56.000 And I'm the first.

01:06:58.000 I go, that's what I like being.

01:06:59.000 Like, that's why I do brag about being the first arena comic.

01:07:05.000 You know, like, you know, when I think back to my idols, like Elvis Presley, you know, now everybody's into Elvis all these years later, you know, and Elvis fans from way back are always Elvis fans.

01:07:16.000 But when I saw the 68 comeback special at 12, once again, I'm there with my mother going, I can be that.

01:07:24.000 Now, I wasn't thinking singer or comic, just the whole image.

01:07:29.000 And as I grew up, she bought me a leather the next day, a fake leather that was five times too big at JCPenney for $20.

01:07:39.000 Because I begged her for it, but she would encourage.

01:07:43.000 So now I'm on the couch doing Elvis, not even knowing how to play the guitar I had.

01:07:48.000 You know, so his image was so bigger than life, and I took it in a lot different than other people because in comedy, why would I, because of the drums and the singing, I go, just become the Elvis of comedy.

01:08:03.000 Comedy is self-deprecating, which in today, at 65 years old, I am self-deprecating on stage, and I got a lot to be self-deprecating about.

01:08:15.000 But when I was...

01:08:17.000 25, 30 years old, there was no self-deprecation.

01:08:21.000 You know, that was the difference between Dice and the other comics.

01:08:26.000 And Mitzi herself told me, when I stopped doing the Travolta Act and started doing Dice, she said, it's never going to work.

01:08:35.000 And I go, yeah, why's that?

01:08:37.000 And she goes, number one, it's too tough, and it's not self-deprecating.

01:08:41.000 I go, just leave me at the Westwood Comedy Store.

01:08:44.000 Let me worry about it.

01:08:45.000 And Mitzi loved me from the first day she met me.

01:08:49.000 When I came down what I call the runway walk from Westwood, she called, I auditioned at the store, did a 28-minute audition, and this emcee starts screaming at me when I come off the stage.

01:09:03.000 I didn't know who he was.

01:09:05.000 And he goes, you're never going to play this fucking club again.

01:09:08.000 I go, are you the owner?

01:09:09.000 Because I'm 21. So I'm a 21-year-old Brooklynite who doesn't give a fuck.

01:09:15.000 If you're in my way, I'm going to get you out of my way.

01:09:18.000 So I said, are you the owner of the club?

01:09:20.000 And he goes, no.

01:09:22.000 I go, well, I didn't come 3,000 miles.

01:09:25.000 To do three minutes, so get out of my way.

01:09:28.000 I get a call from the comedy store.

01:09:30.000 I was staying with a friend.

01:09:31.000 You're playing Westwood tonight.

01:09:33.000 You gotta come sign papers at the comedy store.

01:09:35.000 So I go to Westwood.

01:09:37.000 There was a lady from Brooklyn, Adele.

01:09:40.000 After my set, she goes, Mitzi wants to meet you.

01:09:42.000 So I got signed as a regular, first night.

01:09:45.000 Okay.

01:09:46.000 Because I did that whole Travolta act, and by then, Stallone, I'm doing Sly as Rocky in it.

01:09:52.000 And so I come to the store, and she's standing with August and Ollie Jo and Alan Stevens, who I'm great friends with today, and, you know, just all Biff Maynard.

01:10:04.000 I don't even think you met some of these guys by the time, you know.

01:10:07.000 I've met Alan.

01:10:08.000 Okay, well, Alan's around.

01:10:10.000 Alan's great, you know.

01:10:11.000 He was always around back then.

01:10:12.000 I love Alan.

01:10:13.000 And he's one of my best friends, actually.

01:10:16.000 He worked on Roseanne's show, too, right?

01:10:18.000 Yeah, he produced Roseanne.

01:10:20.000 He produced Arliss.

01:10:21.000 You know, he's got a heavy history.

01:10:23.000 Arliss, too?

01:10:24.000 He was out with Kennison and the Outlaws.

01:10:26.000 He did all that.

01:10:28.000 Great comic, you know, on top of great producer and writer.

01:10:33.000 So, so Mitzi's with all these guys.

01:10:35.000 You know, I didn't know, I'm in comedy for, I don't know, eight months.

01:10:39.000 I started September 13th, 78. I'm in LA February of 79. Why?

01:10:48.000 Because this one comic who you knew, Mitchell Walters, came back to Brooklyn.

01:10:53.000 That's where he was from.

01:10:55.000 And he happened to come in on a weekend.

01:10:57.000 I was headlining.

01:11:00.000 And he's asking, who the fuck is this guy doing the Travolta?

01:11:04.000 And the owners told him.

01:11:06.000 So he talks to my father.

01:11:08.000 He keeps calling my father in the office, who I was working for, you know, because there was no job I could have.

01:11:14.000 I was at clubs every night.

01:11:16.000 From the first night I got on stage, that was it.

01:11:19.000 I'm performing every night, everywhere.

01:11:22.000 And I just dedicated my life to it.

01:11:25.000 And that's what it takes, as you know.

01:11:28.000 I love when Pitbull says, how did I get lucky?

01:11:32.000 Hard work got me lucky.

01:11:34.000 That's all it's about.

01:11:35.000 Hard work and belief and knowing what you have inside to give.

01:11:40.000 Do you think it was weird friction?

01:11:42.000 Because there's some guys that think that comedy has to come from the same group of people.

01:11:49.000 It has to come from neurotic, self-deprecating people.

01:11:53.000 It has to come from these nerds who are bullied by society, and they're funny on stage, and they can tell you what the fuck's going on.

01:12:01.000 When a guy who comes along like you is very confident, you're a big guy, you didn't come from a theater background, and you have this new approach to it.

01:12:11.000 And even Mitzi missed it.

01:12:14.000 Like, sometimes people...

01:12:15.000 Well, at that point, she missed it.

01:12:17.000 Yeah, but, like, there's people that do things, and you're like, man, I don't know.

01:12:22.000 But you've got to give up, like, try to explain Harlan Williams to someone.

01:12:28.000 Try to explain Harlan.

01:12:30.000 It's impossible.

01:12:31.000 I get it.

01:12:31.000 He's fucking hilarious.

01:12:34.000 But it's so strange.

01:12:36.000 Like, his style is so strange.

01:12:38.000 But coming out of him with his personality, the way he says things...

01:12:42.000 Hilarious.

01:12:43.000 It's hilarious.

01:12:44.000 It's really funny.

01:12:45.000 If you get the chance to see Harlan...

01:12:46.000 Harlan Williams is the fucking man.

01:12:48.000 But the people out there listening, go see that guy.

01:12:50.000 He's amazing.

01:12:51.000 But he had to become that guy.

01:12:54.000 He had to figure that out.

01:12:56.000 Yeah, see, and I... You know, some people go through their whole life never knowing who they are.

01:13:04.000 They're not comfortable in their, like Eleanor would say, not comfortable in their own skin.

01:13:08.000 Right.

01:13:08.000 You know, I always knew who I was.

01:13:11.000 Now, you know, when people say to me, you know, who's Dice?

01:13:17.000 Who's Andrew?

01:13:18.000 I'm all of it, you know.

01:13:20.000 But, you know, I'm not walking around in the street going, yeah.

01:13:24.000 You know, when you see those videos, I'm going, yeah, how you doing?

01:13:27.000 That's a put-on.

01:13:28.000 That's a joke.

01:13:30.000 If I'm really going to say hello to a girl, which I haven't in four years, obviously, I'm going to go, yeah, how you doing?

01:13:38.000 Not, how you doing?

01:13:39.000 Because any girl in her right mind is going to go, get the fuck away from me.

01:13:43.000 I'll call my four brothers.

01:13:45.000 If they don't, it's a real problem.

01:13:47.000 And I do want to get into the videos, but just let me finish the day to laugh the guy thing.

01:13:52.000 So when David Geffen says to me, see, what I always prided myself on, because I became, even though I wanted the acting career, I had two careers going on.

01:14:03.000 I was building as a comic.

01:14:05.000 Actually, Dallas was the first place I headlined as a comic in the mid-'80s at a place called the, I forgot the name of the place.

01:14:14.000 Don't even fucking matter.

01:14:15.000 It was a club.

01:14:16.000 You do two weeks at a clip, and I just started headlining.

01:14:21.000 You know, by the time I was, I don't know, 24, 25. And the thing was, yeah, Mitzi didn't understand it at that point because she knew comics.

01:14:31.000 Think of old time.

01:14:33.000 Think of, think of, uh, what the fuck is face.

01:14:37.000 Homely is a plate full of assholes.

01:14:39.000 What was his name?

01:14:40.000 Uh, uh, No, not Don Rickles, who also wasn't a gorgeous guy, but my favorite of all time.

01:14:50.000 He came from that time, he looked like Gates.

01:14:55.000 Hackett.

01:14:56.000 Buddy Hackett.

01:14:57.000 Think of Buddy's fucking face.

01:14:59.000 You think that guy's gonna be confident?

01:15:02.000 He knows what he looks like, so he's gonna be self-deprecating, and that's how comics would get laid back there.

01:15:09.000 You know, in those times, they weren't good-looking people.

01:15:14.000 Today, you've got better-looking people.

01:15:16.000 But Lenny Bruce was a good-looking guy.

01:15:17.000 Yeah, which his mother said to me.

01:15:19.000 That was a big compliment, because I'm with Mitzi, and Mitzi would say to Sally, because I used to sit with Sally at Schwab's.

01:15:27.000 And she'd always go, oh, you're handsome like my Lenny.

01:15:31.000 It was a compliment, because I knew he was a nice-looking guy.

01:15:34.000 And Mitzi would say to Sally, she'd go, he's a movie star.

01:15:38.000 He's not even a comic.

01:15:40.000 She never had that.

01:15:41.000 All those comics back then, just look at them.

01:15:45.000 Look at the pictures on the wall at the comedy store, and you'll know.

01:15:48.000 But...

01:15:49.000 Just to get back to the day the laughter died, because people are listening.

01:15:55.000 So Geffen tells me why.

01:15:57.000 Why does this have to be?

01:15:59.000 Why can't we just trash this?

01:16:01.000 And I go, because it's never been done.

01:16:04.000 Every comic gets recorded.

01:16:05.000 They do their very, very best to kill.

01:16:09.000 I did my best to bomb.

01:16:11.000 Dude!

01:16:12.000 You know, I just wanted to see what I could come up with in front of a couple people.

01:16:16.000 He goes, but why a double album?

01:16:18.000 Why can't it just be a...

01:16:20.000 I go, same reason.

01:16:21.000 Never done.

01:16:23.000 Okay?

01:16:23.000 And Mitzi, by the way, would come to the arenas with me when I did the forum.

01:16:28.000 I'd pick her up in the limo.

01:16:29.000 She'd fly to New York.

01:16:31.000 She was at the Garden.

01:16:32.000 She was at the Meadowlands, which sold out.

01:16:35.000 At that time, Meadowlands, biggest arena ever, 21,500, sold out in 40 minutes.

01:16:42.000 That my agent, Dennis Offa, at that time...

01:16:47.000 Who the only other comic he's ever handled was Rodney.

01:16:50.000 And I've been with him and Pete Papalotto for 35 years, okay?

01:16:55.000 My whole career.

01:16:56.000 And when Dennis saw me do the Rodney special, he came over to me.

01:17:02.000 He goes, I've seen every comic.

01:17:04.000 I come to every one of Rodney specials.

01:17:07.000 I never wanted any of them.

01:17:09.000 I want you.

01:17:10.000 And I've been with him all this time.

01:17:13.000 And so I'll tell you the rise to the arenas, but so Mitzi comes over my house.

01:17:18.000 I'm just trying to keep my place here for you.

01:17:21.000 After the David Geffen experience, okay?

01:17:25.000 And she goes, I want to hear this album.

01:17:27.000 I'm hearing things about it, you know, and it's not out yet, you know.

01:17:31.000 So I put on a CD and she's listening.

01:17:35.000 You know, Mitzi, she's always truthful, you know, tells you how she thinks.

01:17:40.000 And she goes, Andrew, What is this?

01:17:45.000 I go, and I want to laugh in the face, but I got to keep it straight.

01:17:49.000 I go, it's my new album.

01:17:52.000 What do you think?

01:17:54.000 She goes, it's going to ruin your career.

01:17:58.000 I go, this?

01:18:01.000 I don't think so.

01:18:02.000 Just like you told me about Dice would never work.

01:18:06.000 You know, it's not going to ruin the career.

01:18:08.000 She goes, I don't want to see your career.

01:18:10.000 You work so hard to get there.

01:18:12.000 I go, don't worry about it.

01:18:13.000 Bottom line, album comes out four days.

01:18:18.000 Gold.

01:18:19.000 I don't even know how many platinums it is to this day.

01:18:22.000 It's the biggest selling comedy album ever, as far as I know.

01:18:28.000 Okay?

01:18:28.000 The biggest comedy.

01:18:30.000 And for comics, it's like a Bible for some fucking reason.

01:18:34.000 See, I don't see what you see.

01:18:36.000 I just know I like being a guy that did things first.

01:18:41.000 See, that's what I loved about Elvis.

01:18:43.000 When Elvis came along, there was nobody for him to talk to, to go, how do I handle being Elvis?

01:18:49.000 Yeah, but you understand, like, just the ability to put out something.

01:18:56.000 Of you bombing in the height of your stardom.

01:18:59.000 Do you know how nuts that is?

01:19:00.000 Like, it's really hilarious.

01:19:02.000 I know you just did it because you wanted to be first, but it's just what you're doing is so crazy.

01:19:06.000 So different.

01:19:07.000 Yeah.

01:19:07.000 So different.

01:19:09.000 Yeah, I could go into a club or an arena.

01:19:11.000 I think if the internet was around back then...

01:19:13.000 People would have understood it.

01:19:14.000 They would have gotten into it.

01:19:16.000 I think back then it was so hard because all you had was like MTV or VH1. Exactly.

01:19:23.000 And think of that.

01:19:24.000 The narratives were weird.

01:19:25.000 Think of the fact that you don't have internet and in less than a week it's a half a million sold.

01:19:29.000 Yeah.

01:19:30.000 It was selling faster than like Eminem albums when he came out.

01:19:35.000 So, you know, I got so much to tell you.

01:19:41.000 There was something I was going to bring up because of the data left.

01:19:44.000 It's when you have nothing to compare yourself to other than other firsts.

01:19:51.000 See, I grew up...

01:19:52.000 Like I said, I didn't care about comedy.

01:19:54.000 It was all about acting.

01:19:56.000 Other than my drums and the singing stuff, the musical stuff, when I came into comedy, I said, I'll become like a movie star.

01:20:05.000 That was my confidence.

01:20:07.000 And getting on a comedy stage would help me, obviously.

01:20:10.000 And then there was a lot of backlash, like we said, the first to be canceled type of thing, once I took off.

01:20:18.000 But you see, before I made it, You know, I was working with my first movie, George Kennedy.

01:20:26.000 It was called Wacko.

01:20:28.000 Stella Stevens, who starred with Jerry Lewis and the Nutty Professor, and Joe Don Baker, who did Walking Tall.

01:20:35.000 This stupid movie called Wacko, but I couldn't believe the people I'm getting to work with.

01:20:42.000 Like, I'd call home and talk to my parents and my sister and go, you know, it's Joe Don Baker, Walking Tall and George Kent, Cool Hand Luke, you know?

01:20:51.000 So it was all about the acting.

01:20:53.000 Then I did a movie, Private Resort, Johnny Depp and Rob Morrow.

01:20:59.000 Now, Johnny, we know where his career went.

01:21:01.000 Rob has a more low-key career, but he's a big star.

01:21:05.000 He's in Billions.

01:21:06.000 He did his own show, Northern Exposure.

01:21:10.000 And the producer would say it was a little beach movie in Florida we did.

01:21:14.000 He goes, the three of you are going to be huge stars.

01:21:16.000 He just knew this Israeli producer.

01:21:19.000 Then it was Pretty in Pink.

01:21:25.000 Molly Ringwald, you know, John Cryer, that John Hughes took one scene I did and split it into two, that's how much he loved me, to show me twice in the movie, Making the Grade, Judd Nelson.

01:21:40.000 I was almost like auxiliary Brat Pack, that they would use me in their movies.

01:21:45.000 And then I did Casual Sex for Ivan Reitman and his wife-director, Geneviève, And I played the Vin Man.

01:21:55.000 Now you remember Judy Toll, who passed away.

01:21:58.000 Okay.

01:22:00.000 She writes...

01:22:02.000 Are you crying, Dice?

01:22:18.000 You know what?

01:22:19.000 That's my weakness.

01:22:21.000 She was great.

01:22:23.000 What's your weakness?

01:22:30.000 My own sensitivity.

01:22:33.000 That's not a weakness.

01:22:35.000 That's not a weakness.

01:22:36.000 Sometimes I think.

01:22:36.000 No, no, no.

01:22:37.000 I'm just trying to tell you a story and I'm crying.

01:22:39.000 No, I like the fact that you're crying.

01:22:41.000 I like the fact that people get to know who you are.

01:22:43.000 I've seen you cry too.

01:22:44.000 I cry, man.

01:22:45.000 I don't think there's anything wrong with crying.

01:22:47.000 I'm an emotional person.

01:22:48.000 She was a great girl.

01:22:50.000 Came out to L.A. with Tom Wilson.

01:22:54.000 Was her boyfriend.

01:22:55.000 Who wound up as Biff and Back to the Future.

01:22:58.000 She wrote...

01:22:58.000 He was a comic too, right?

01:23:00.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:23:01.000 Lived with me for six years.

01:23:03.000 And she wrote Casual Sex, and instead of calling it The Dice Man, she called it The Vin Man, and I played the part.

01:23:10.000 And they show...

01:23:14.000 They screen the movies for test audiences.

01:23:19.000 And I was there with one of my wives at the time.

01:23:24.000 So after the screening, Ivan calls me over with the head of Universal and his wife, and he goes...

01:23:33.000 Would you come back?

01:23:35.000 Christmas time.

01:23:37.000 And I go, for what?

01:23:38.000 He goes, we're going to rewrite the last 20 minutes to a half hour to make you the star of the movie.

01:23:44.000 That's how much the audience loved you.

01:23:47.000 You know, so I'm like, yeah, I'll come back.

01:23:50.000 And I couldn't believe it.

01:23:52.000 You know, like, they changed him from, like, the attitude of dice to all of a sudden he's, you know, the other side, the softer, the guy that cries side.

01:24:02.000 Right.

01:24:02.000 And I wind up with Leah Thompson in the movie.

01:24:06.000 That's the end of the movie.

01:24:07.000 And they rewrote the whole thing to make me the star of the movie.

01:24:10.000 And they're like, you're going to be a big star.

01:24:13.000 And then I was working on Michael Mann's crime story, which spawned...

01:24:23.000 Everybody.

01:24:26.000 Dennis Farina, Michael Madsen, David Caruso, Kevin Spacey, all these great actors that just blew up from Crime Story, which was the show Michael Mann did after he was done with Miami Vice.

01:24:44.000 And so Crime Story really became, a few years later, Scorsese's Casino.

01:24:53.000 So if you could think of Casino, I played in Crime Story the Robert De Niro part, the guy that ran the Casino, and Tony Dennison played the Pesci part in the series.

01:25:07.000 Now, the series was going to be cancelled.

01:25:10.000 It wasn't the days of HBO like you put The Sopranos on and it lasts 10 years.

01:25:15.000 You know, it was a network show.

01:25:17.000 I forgot if it was ABC or NBC, but it was an expensive show to shoot.

01:25:24.000 So Michael Mann directed one of the only episodes that I had a giant part in.

01:25:31.000 Now, if you think a casino, Joe Pesci bangs Sharon Stone, okay?

01:25:38.000 And then they wind up blowing up De Niro out of the car.

01:25:41.000 In the series Crime Story, I get blown up out of the car because Tony Dennison is banging my wife in the show.

01:25:49.000 All right.

01:25:50.000 So it's the same story.

01:25:50.000 It's the same story.

01:25:52.000 It's a real story about those gangsters from the Midwest, from Chicago.

01:25:56.000 And only in the movie, they don't do the cops that were after them, the major crime unit that was after them, which...

01:26:05.000 Which Dennis Farina was really the real cop, you know, and he became an actor.

01:26:11.000 See, Michael Mann loves guys that really were jewel thieves or real criminals, but Dennis Farina became a gigantic actor, and I loved the guy.

01:26:19.000 He was amazing.

01:26:23.000 So anyway, we're shooting the episode where I got blown up out of the car, and we're in Vegas, and they have me in a cast from my waist up.

01:26:32.000 And I had just filmed the Rodney Dangerfield special.

01:26:37.000 Okay?

01:26:40.000 And Michael Mann's talking about that the show's gonna get cancelled.

01:26:44.000 And I said, listen, I need to talk to you.

01:26:47.000 You know, you can't cancel the show.

01:26:51.000 And he goes, all right, when we take lunch, me and you will go have coffee.

01:26:56.000 And you know the pepper mill in Vegas on the strip.

01:27:00.000 So he puts me in his Trans Am, and the strip wasn't like it is today.

01:27:03.000 You could cut through the desert.

01:27:05.000 It was a third of the hotels like you see today.

01:27:08.000 So he cuts through, and I'm wobbling in the car because I'm in this fucking cast.

01:27:15.000 So now we're in the pepper mill and I'm smoking, you know, my arms up, the whole thing.

01:27:20.000 And he goes, all right, so what do you need to talk to me about?

01:27:24.000 Now, Michael Mann at that time is probably 45, 47 years old.

01:27:28.000 I'm like 29. I'm like the youngest guy in the cast.

01:27:34.000 And I said, you can't cancel Crime Story.

01:27:38.000 He goes, you don't understand.

01:27:40.000 It's a great show, but it's a very expensive show, and nobody has really blown up from the show.

01:27:47.000 So I'm looking at a guy with a straight face, only I'm in a cast, blowing smoke out of the cast.

01:27:53.000 I go, I go...

01:27:56.000 Give me about three, four months, and I'll be like the biggest star on the planet.

01:28:01.000 He's going, what are you talking about?

01:28:03.000 Like, now he's like a little pissed off.

01:28:06.000 I go, I just filmed this Rodney Dangerfield HBO Young Comedian show, and when it airs, I'm going to be the biggest comic in the world that the world's ever seen.

01:28:20.000 He goes, bigger than Pryor?

01:28:22.000 I go, way bigger.

01:28:23.000 Bigger than anybody.

01:28:24.000 You know.

01:28:25.000 Bigger than Eddie Murphy.

01:28:27.000 I go, yeah, of course.

01:28:29.000 I go, Eddie does, you know, Eddie at his peak was doing 7,000 seats, which was unheard of when he would do it.

01:28:37.000 But I know where I'm going.

01:28:38.000 I have a plan.

01:28:40.000 And he goes, look, Dice.

01:28:43.000 He goes, I love you as an actor.

01:28:45.000 And I think you have a big career in acting.

01:28:48.000 He goes, and...

01:28:50.000 I wish you all the luck with the skit that you're talking about, with the Rodney thing.

01:28:55.000 I go, but the show is just too expensive and we're going to get the pink slip on it.

01:29:00.000 I go, I'm telling you, it's a mistake.

01:29:03.000 Okay.

01:29:04.000 The show gets cancelled within a month.

01:29:07.000 The show's done, you know.

01:29:09.000 And people loved crime stories.

01:29:11.000 The people that were fans of Crime Story, it was like Sopranos fans.

01:29:15.000 You know, the Rodney special is...

01:29:19.000 Number one, I took a full-page ad in Variety.

01:29:23.000 Back then it was a newspaper, not digital.

01:29:25.000 Full page.

01:29:26.000 Half the page was my picture.

01:29:28.000 I'm sitting on a chair backwards with a real attitude.

01:29:31.000 And then the right side was a whole poem about how I never studied much in school before.

01:29:38.000 But when I turned on the tube, and then I named everybody, there was Elvis the King, Buddy Rich with Hands Like Lightning, Travolta made me dance, every big star, Brando made me pout, Dean had us all, all these big stars.

01:29:53.000 And at the end, I write, Murphy and Pryor both great, no doubt, but in 88, it's dice thou shalt.

01:30:00.000 I never studied much in school, but I did study.

01:30:05.000 Okay?

01:30:06.000 That comes out on a Thursday, because I know the industry shuts down Friday.

01:30:11.000 Okay, so I wanted everybody to see this.

01:30:15.000 Now, obviously, if I was wrong, biggest asshole in the world.

01:30:19.000 I'm a joke.

01:30:20.000 The show airs Saturday night, okay?

01:30:24.000 Monday, done.

01:30:26.000 Biggest comic there is.

01:30:27.000 The gigs just started coming.

01:30:29.000 How did Rodney find you?

01:30:31.000 Rodney saw me at the Comedy Store, like I showcased for him.

01:30:36.000 How did they set that up?

01:30:37.000 Would Mitzi pick the line up?

01:30:39.000 There was a producer, Rob Freed, that worked for Orion, that got him in there somehow.

01:30:46.000 And so was this guy at the clubs watching people?

01:30:49.000 No, no.

01:30:49.000 He was a movie producer.

01:30:51.000 So who was the one that picked you guys?

01:30:56.000 That's a question I couldn't answer.

01:30:57.000 I don't know if it was Mitzi.

01:30:59.000 I don't know if it was Babe from New York who ran Dangerfields who actually wanted me.

01:31:04.000 That's such an important spot to get on a young comedian special back then.

01:31:09.000 The Rodney Dangerfield specials were...

01:31:11.000 Well, that was it.

01:31:11.000 It made everybody.

01:31:12.000 It was everything.

01:31:13.000 You know.

01:31:13.000 Kenison, you, Dom Herrera, Bob Nelson.

01:31:17.000 Lenny Clark.

01:31:19.000 You know.

01:31:20.000 Jesus Christ.

01:31:21.000 Robert Schimmel.

01:31:21.000 Yeah.

01:31:22.000 Yeah.

01:31:22.000 You know, and...

01:31:23.000 That was the shit.

01:31:24.000 So, but you say, this is where I'm different than other comics.

01:31:28.000 So, and I love Dom Herrera, but I'd watch Dom, you know, we had months to get ready.

01:31:35.000 Right.

01:31:35.000 And I'm just in preparation zone.

01:31:37.000 I couldn't give a fuck if there was no one in the room.

01:31:39.000 I'm going up, I'm rehearsing, because all I wanted to worry about the night of the special, because you're going to be nervous inside, but they can't see it, okay?

01:31:50.000 So I'm going to look right, and I'm going to play America.

01:31:55.000 Had you done any kind of comedy special before that?

01:31:57.000 No, no.

01:31:59.000 Nothing.

01:32:00.000 I knew what this could do because when Kennison broke in 86, that he got that Babe at that time was telling Rodney, you got to see this guy dice.

01:32:12.000 So I think it was Babe that got me on the showcase in 88. Okay?

01:32:18.000 And so the only thing I wanted to worry about was playing The Room.

01:32:23.000 And what I meant by The Room is not just Dangerfields.

01:32:25.000 America.

01:32:27.000 Like I wanted them to feel me.

01:32:29.000 So the outfit had to be right.

01:32:30.000 Everything had to be right.

01:32:32.000 So there was no way I'm gonna fuck around on stage.

01:32:34.000 I don't care if nobody's there.

01:32:36.000 It's time to rehearse, you know, from beginning to end.

01:32:40.000 So I remember doing the shot.

01:32:44.000 You know, I remember leaving the hotel, the Regency Hotel, in full garb with a belt buckle this big, a Harley Davidson belt.

01:32:52.000 I wanted people looking.

01:32:54.000 I wanted to feel it.

01:32:56.000 I wanted to feel New York.

01:32:58.000 Because I'm about to change my life.

01:33:04.000 I come off, you know, oh, and Barry Sobel, this is great.

01:33:09.000 He shows up for rehearsal that day in a motorcycle jacket.

01:33:13.000 And he's always in a baseball jacket.

01:33:16.000 And I like these guys, but back then, comics didn't have each other's backs.

01:33:20.000 It's just the way it was.

01:33:22.000 So I go over to Rodney, and I go, Rodney, why is Barry Sobel in a motorcycle jacket?

01:33:29.000 So Rodney goes, hey, Barry, come over here, man.

01:33:33.000 Okay, what's with the leather?

01:33:35.000 He goes, well, this is what I'm going to wear tonight.

01:33:36.000 He goes, no, you're not, man.

01:33:38.000 You're going to wear a baseball jacket.

01:33:39.000 He goes, no, I'm going to wear this.

01:33:41.000 He goes, no, you're going to wear a baseball jacket or you're not doing the show.

01:33:43.000 How's that sound?

01:33:44.000 Okay, everything cool.

01:33:46.000 All right, Dice, it's handled.

01:33:47.000 It was great, right?

01:33:49.000 So he basically wore the same jacket you were wearing.

01:33:51.000 He was trying to, you know.

01:33:53.000 Do you think he did it on purpose?

01:33:54.000 Yeah, 100%, you know.

01:33:56.000 Wow.

01:33:56.000 Back then, comics weren't like you.

01:33:59.000 Nobody had anybody's back.

01:34:01.000 Today, comics help each other with their podcasts.

01:34:04.000 You know, you want to open for me, Bobby Lee's out with a great guy now.

01:34:08.000 I mean, they help each other today.

01:34:10.000 Back then, stab him in the back before he stabs you.

01:34:13.000 That's just how it was.

01:34:15.000 So me, I just kept to myself.

01:34:17.000 I felt like the Frank Serpico at a comedy store.

01:34:20.000 God, I'm so glad it's not like that now.

01:34:23.000 No, it's nothing like that.

01:34:25.000 Guys are friends today.

01:34:26.000 It's a whole different thing out there.

01:34:28.000 When do you think that changed?

01:34:30.000 What year did that touch start to change?

01:34:32.000 In the early 2000s, when all the new guys started coming out.

01:34:37.000 You know, and starting out.

01:34:39.000 It all came out of the store, though.

01:34:41.000 It came out of the store because guys from New York would come to the store.

01:34:44.000 Guys from New York would come to the store and they'd say that.

01:34:47.000 They would say, everyone here is like real friendly.

01:34:49.000 They help each other.

01:34:50.000 They write tags for each other.

01:34:51.000 They're all fucking around together.

01:34:53.000 They go, it's a different kind of camaraderie.

01:34:55.000 Then we would go to the Mitzi's bar and hang out.

01:34:57.000 When you saw me filming at the store, it was all the new guys.

01:35:01.000 The show was about all the new guys.

01:35:04.000 Hey, look.

01:35:06.000 I remember Bobby Lee.

01:35:08.000 I had Diaz open for me.

01:35:10.000 I had Bobby Lee open for me.

01:35:11.000 I had Sebastian open for me.

01:35:13.000 I had a million openers, okay, that I would look to help.

01:35:17.000 See, I'm a guy that, even when I took off, I would look at Jim Norton, one of the best.

01:35:23.000 You know, if Norton was on with me, he'd say, I have a career cause of dice.

01:35:28.000 Eddie Griffin.

01:35:28.000 He does.

01:35:29.000 He says that all the time.

01:35:30.000 Eddie Griffin.

01:35:31.000 I remember I had a William Morris agent.

01:35:34.000 Eddie Griffin came over to me at the Comedy Store and goes, I'm going to open for you one day.

01:35:40.000 I don't know who the hell he is.

01:35:42.000 I happen to come to the Comedy Store.

01:35:44.000 I'm going on tour the next morning.

01:35:47.000 And I see Eddie on stage, who's got nothing other than incredible potential and balls and a couple bits.

01:35:57.000 And that's what I loved about him, his energy.

01:36:00.000 He made them laugh at nothing.

01:36:04.000 Okay?

01:36:04.000 So he comes outside, you know, and I go, hey, Eddie, how you doing tonight?

01:36:08.000 He goes, oh, great, you know, and he tries to, like, stand up to me, you know, because it's scary.

01:36:12.000 Because I know what it was to see big stars at the store, and I'd never go over to them.

01:36:18.000 Yeah.

01:36:18.000 Wait till I tell you how I got to open for Pryor and became, like, Mitzi's guy for Pryor, for Robin Williams, and Eddie Murphy.

01:36:26.000 I'll tell you that story, and that'll amaze you.

01:36:29.000 But Eddie Griffin stand there, I go, you know, I caught you tonight.

01:36:33.000 You really are pretty good.

01:36:35.000 You're going to really have a career.

01:36:37.000 He goes, you think so?

01:36:38.000 I go, yeah, why don't you go home and pack?

01:36:39.000 We leave in the morning for Philadelphia.

01:36:42.000 It was the first time I did the Spectrum and I was doing a whole tour.

01:36:46.000 We get to Philly.

01:36:48.000 I notice Eddie don't have a jacket.

01:36:50.000 He's not wearing socks, and there's snow on the ground.

01:36:53.000 So I take him shopping.

01:36:55.000 I forgot which stores we went to, and I just fill him up with clothing, and that's when he started calling me Uncle D, you know, from that time on.

01:37:04.000 Now we're at the comedy store, and I'm with William Morris.

01:37:06.000 I forgot the agent.

01:37:08.000 I had a lot of agents by then, you know.

01:37:10.000 So I call over my agent, Michael Gruber is his name, and I said, Michael, I want you to meet Eddie Griffin.

01:37:18.000 He goes, yeah, how you doing, Eddie?

01:37:19.000 He goes, you were very funny tonight.

01:37:20.000 Yeah, I go, can you do me a favor?

01:37:22.000 Just sign him in the morning.

01:37:25.000 I go, that's what I need done.

01:37:27.000 And I was just able to get it done.

01:37:29.000 Signs Eddie.

01:37:31.000 Months later, Eddie's got Malcolm and Eddie, the TV sitcom.

01:37:36.000 I remember that.

01:37:36.000 And from that, he went on to the movie stardom, and he's had a great career.

01:37:40.000 But I used to like to do Lenny Clark.

01:37:45.000 Fucking Lenny.

01:37:46.000 The best.

01:37:49.000 I have Lenny open for me.

01:37:52.000 Number one, the crowd wanted nothing to do with the openers.

01:37:56.000 It was just them doing the waves, singing, asshole, asshole.

01:38:02.000 They only want the dice.

01:38:03.000 It was absolute fucking bedlam.

01:38:08.000 I'd look at the crowds and go, I don't know what I'm going to do.

01:38:11.000 I never went to concerts as a kid.

01:38:13.000 I didn't give a shit about concerts.

01:38:15.000 You know, and I didn't even go see Elvis, who I idolized.

01:38:19.000 So, Lenny Clark's on stage, Nassau Coliseum, they don't want anything to do with him.

01:38:26.000 And he goes, look, I gotta stay out here anyway, you know, and do my time.

01:38:30.000 And he sits down and he starts clipping his toenails.

01:38:35.000 Okay.

01:38:38.000 Dan!

01:38:38.000 He's so great.

01:38:39.000 I haven't seen him in years, but I know what a wonderful guy he is.

01:38:43.000 And he's had an amazing career.

01:38:45.000 And this was the start of it, because he calls me up when we're going to do the Universal Amphitheater.

01:38:51.000 And he goes, Dice, you mind if I have some people come down to see me?

01:38:55.000 I go, Lenny, that's what it's all about.

01:38:57.000 I want you to go further, you know.

01:39:00.000 And he gets his own television show.

01:39:02.000 I think it was called Lenny.

01:39:04.000 Well, the show fails miserably.

01:39:07.000 My friend Peter Dobson was in it, a young actor.

01:39:11.000 But they take Lenny now and they put him on Frasier.

01:39:15.000 I think it was Frasier for all the years playing a cop.

01:39:19.000 So his career blew up and he's had a great career.

01:39:22.000 But I used to love that, that I could look at a guy and I go, I helped make that happen.

01:39:28.000 Just like Rodney gave me the shot of a lifetime, you know.

01:39:32.000 And I remember even coming to Rodney when I was going to do The Garden.

01:39:38.000 Which a lot of people don't know.

01:39:39.000 I did over 300 arenas.

01:39:41.000 I did 12 million people up to 19. 300 arenas.

01:39:46.000 Jesus Christ.

01:39:46.000 Well, you're doing them too now, so I'm not even going to make a big deal.

01:39:49.000 I know, but that's an amazing number.

01:39:51.000 Look, I've seen what you've been doing, you know.

01:39:54.000 But yeah.

01:39:55.000 No, you sent me good luck when I did the garden.

01:39:59.000 Because I knew how important it was to you, you know.

01:40:02.000 And, you know, that's like if I were to see nobody got behind me.

01:40:08.000 When I made it.

01:40:09.000 The only comic was Eddie Murphy.

01:40:12.000 Can I tell you a Lenny Clark story?

01:40:14.000 Yeah.

01:40:14.000 I only had been paid for comedy on two occasions at this time.

01:40:20.000 This was the second time.

01:40:21.000 I opened up for this guy named Warren McDonald in this shitty little bar gig.

01:40:26.000 And then I opened up for Lenny Clark.

01:40:27.000 And Lenny Clark, it was after Lenny had done Young Comedian Special.

01:40:31.000 Okay, which is the one I did.

01:40:33.000 And I don't know even how I got recommended to do it.

01:40:37.000 So it's at Jay's in Pittsfield, Massachusetts, this crazy comedy club that was out in Western Massachusetts, a great place.

01:40:44.000 And I go on stage, and I do well.

01:40:47.000 It was fun.

01:40:48.000 It was a good set.

01:40:49.000 And I get off stage, and Mike Clark is Lenny's brother.

01:40:52.000 And Mike Clark books Giggles and Saugus, and Mike Clark's the fucking man.

01:40:56.000 And Mike Clark goes, kid, you're really funny, but you gotta clean it up.

01:41:00.000 Like, your act is too dirty.

01:41:01.000 And everybody said that to me back then.

01:41:03.000 I was like, ugh.

01:41:04.000 And then Lenny comes off stage, he goes...

01:41:06.000 Kid, that was hilarious!

01:41:08.000 He goes, that fucking bit about...

01:41:10.000 The one bit that Mike Clark told me, don't do that bit anymore.

01:41:13.000 Lenny was like, that bit was hilarious!

01:41:15.000 And he goes, he was just telling me to clean it up.

01:41:17.000 He goes, yeah, you should probably clean it up, but fuck it.

01:41:19.000 I never did.

01:41:20.000 Exactly.

01:41:21.000 I was on stage at an open mic night once, and after I did my set, the open mic night host called me Joe fucking Rogan.

01:41:29.000 And then he comes off stage, and he lectures me on how I shouldn't swear, and it's cheap and easy comedy.

01:41:35.000 And I said, but the guys that I like are all – they all swear.

01:41:40.000 Like that's the comedy that I like.

01:41:41.000 Like Dice Clay goes, yeah, you're not Dice Clay.

01:41:44.000 I remember thinking this, but wasn't Dice Clay not Dice Clay?

01:41:49.000 Wasn't all these people weren't they?

01:41:50.000 It's just so easy to say, oh, that's a cheap way to get a laugh.

01:41:54.000 It's a dumb thing to think, too, because there's all sorts of ways to do music.

01:41:58.000 There's all sorts of ways to do movies.

01:42:01.000 Exactly, there's always genres.

01:42:02.000 Look, I like violent movies.

01:42:05.000 It doesn't mean I like violence.

01:42:07.000 I like a little violence.

01:42:08.000 Controlled.

01:42:09.000 But it's like coffee.

01:42:10.000 Do you want some coffee?

01:42:11.000 Want some more?

01:42:12.000 Get in there.

01:42:12.000 Get some black.

01:42:13.000 There you go.

01:42:14.000 Drink another cup.

01:42:15.000 Like a man.

01:42:15.000 Alright, like a man.

01:42:16.000 We'll do this like a man.

01:42:17.000 We're at a fucking camp together.

01:42:19.000 Like we're camping.

01:42:20.000 Cheers, my friend.

01:42:20.000 Cheers.

01:42:20.000 Yeah, cheers, brother.

01:42:22.000 I get to keep the cop.

01:42:23.000 I mean, it's...

01:42:24.000 Fuck yeah, I'll give you...

01:42:24.000 You got a Yeti for you, brother.

01:42:27.000 It's good.

01:42:28.000 It's not bad.

01:42:29.000 Black rifle.

01:42:29.000 I gotta sit back on sugar anyway.

01:42:31.000 My girlfriend will like it.

01:42:32.000 Yeah?

01:42:33.000 Yeah.

01:42:33.000 Yeah, sugar's terrible.

01:42:34.000 I'm going through a whole thing.

01:42:36.000 Yeah, I can help you.

01:42:37.000 I can help you with that.

01:42:39.000 I shouldn't have brought it up.

01:42:40.000 She's gonna now tell me, you should listen to Rogan.

01:42:44.000 You know?

01:42:45.000 Because I do exercise a lot.

01:42:47.000 I do.

01:42:47.000 It's my hobby.

01:42:48.000 I don't do what you do.

01:42:50.000 I mean, the first time I saw you, honestly, I think I've told this to you.

01:42:56.000 Matthew.

01:42:57.000 Matthew.

01:43:00.000 I see him in the middle of Black...

01:43:03.000 I used to like to look at Black Belt Magazine.

01:43:06.000 There he is in a split with his onions basically plastered to the fucking ground.

01:43:13.000 With every muscle popping out of his body.

01:43:15.000 And I go, I know this guy.

01:43:17.000 He's a comic.

01:43:18.000 But I didn't know about the karate or anything yet.

01:43:22.000 I just knew you as a comic, and I thought that was amazing, and I know how you are, because I know you for years, so I should know you work out.

01:43:32.000 I know everything with you.

01:43:34.000 I know with the fighting thing.

01:43:37.000 Yeah.

01:43:37.000 The announcing.

01:43:39.000 I know it all.

01:43:40.000 But what I'm saying is, my girlfriend will hear, Frogen's telling you to cut back and have this instead of...

01:43:48.000 You gotta think about it this way.

01:43:49.000 She gets on me with it, but I... There's a real simple way to think about it.

01:43:52.000 Literally.

01:43:54.000 Literally, you are what you eat.

01:43:56.000 Actually, figuratively, you are what you eat.

01:43:59.000 The only way your body has the proper fuel is if you give it to it.

01:44:05.000 If you give your body bullshit, your body gives you bullshit.

01:44:09.000 It's really simple.

01:44:10.000 There aren't many foods I eat.

01:44:12.000 Like, I don't really believe in vegetables.

01:44:14.000 You know what I mean?

01:44:15.000 Well, you should try the carnivore diet then.

01:44:17.000 A lot of people are very successful in that.

01:44:19.000 208 pounds.

01:44:20.000 Yeah, but I mean, it's not about diet as in trying to lose weight.

01:44:24.000 It's about diet as in fueling your body correctly.

01:44:27.000 You don't have as much inflammation.

01:44:29.000 No, and I know you do know a lot about that.

01:44:32.000 You should get checked out to see if you have food allergies.

01:44:35.000 I know.

01:44:35.000 Because you might be dealing with, you don't have any?

01:44:37.000 No, no.

01:44:37.000 Have you done the whole test?

01:44:38.000 None of that.

01:44:39.000 Have you done the test where they do it?

01:44:41.000 I have different things, you know.

01:44:42.000 Right, but have you done that test?

01:44:44.000 That test is very valuable.

01:44:45.000 It really works well.

01:44:48.000 It's helped many people that I know.

01:44:50.000 You go and they test you for a bunch of different things.

01:44:54.000 Some people, they find out they're allergic to certain vegetables.

01:44:57.000 Some people are allergic to gluten.

01:44:58.000 Some people are allergic to milk.

01:45:01.000 And they don't even know.

01:45:03.000 They're intolerant to it.

01:45:04.000 And they just accept that their body feels like shit.

01:45:08.000 See, but I don't feel like shit.

01:45:11.000 But maybe you could feel better.

01:45:13.000 You know what?

01:45:15.000 You're probably right about that.

01:45:17.000 But what I am glad about is that, you know, I had a heart attack when I was 60, okay?

01:45:23.000 Whoa, I didn't know that.

01:45:24.000 I had to have a stent put in.

01:45:26.000 Yeah, I didn't make that like news.

01:45:27.000 You know what I made news?

01:45:29.000 And this will interest you.

01:45:31.000 All right, you're looking at me.

01:45:33.000 I look normal.

01:45:34.000 Yes.

01:45:34.000 And I know I look normal.

01:45:37.000 I got hit with a few things.

01:45:39.000 I got hit with Bell's Polls.

01:45:41.000 Yeah, I know about that.

01:45:42.000 Okay.

01:45:43.000 And I didn't hide from it.

01:45:43.000 Which side of your face was it?

01:45:45.000 It was this side of my face.

01:45:46.000 And see, I'm a certain way because I am a fighter in my heart, you know.

01:45:51.000 And I was like, I'm not canceling my shows.

01:45:53.000 And I'm not going to hide the fact that I have Bell's Polls.

01:45:57.000 I posted about it.

01:45:58.000 You know, I made fun of it on stage.

01:46:00.000 I would do Sammy Davis for like 10 minutes.

01:46:03.000 Because...

01:46:03.000 Yeah, because my face is down to here.

01:46:07.000 You know what I mean?

01:46:08.000 So I would make the whole thing.

01:46:10.000 I'd go, why can't I find my eye?

01:46:15.000 And I would just do all that stuff.

01:46:18.000 And then, you know, just getting into Sam.

01:46:22.000 And that's how I would make fun of the Bell's palsy.

01:46:24.000 Because also at the beginning, you know, during the, like, pandemical, I don't like when people use the C word.

01:46:40.000 I'll even yell at Eleanor.

01:46:42.000 That word went out with high-button shoes.

01:46:47.000 You don't like that word?

01:46:48.000 Do you really think we should abandon words at some point in time?

01:46:51.000 No, I think you come up with better ones.

01:46:57.000 Alright, let's say, I don't want to talk about my girlfriend in this way, but I only have one girl.

01:47:02.000 But you could be, like, at a family function.

01:47:07.000 And you say something like, you know what, babe, maybe we should go home now.

01:47:11.000 I'm really in the mood for that glazed donut hole.

01:47:16.000 You could say that in front of kids.

01:47:17.000 Oh, I see what you're saying.

01:47:18.000 Well, that, but I'm using cunt as a pejorative.

01:47:22.000 No, but what I'm saying is I use Pink Lip Lagoon.

01:47:26.000 Right, but that's like an actual thing.

01:47:29.000 Yeah, but that's what I'm saying.

01:47:30.000 When you're saying the C word, you're saying it because a person's an asshole.

01:47:33.000 Oh, you're talking about like an argument.

01:47:34.000 Like an argument.

01:47:35.000 Yeah, or when someone is a Karen.

01:47:37.000 You would call them a Karen now.

01:47:39.000 Yeah, well, that I don't get into.

01:47:40.000 That's true, right?

01:47:41.000 It's kind of replaced the C word.

01:47:42.000 There's so much I can't change.

01:47:45.000 When they changed, this is when I knew everything was going to shit.

01:47:49.000 That's kind of a friendly way to say the C word.

01:47:51.000 Call someone a Karen.

01:47:53.000 Yeah, but, you know.

01:47:54.000 Because it's just a word.

01:47:56.000 I mean, imagine.

01:47:57.000 But what if your name's Karen?

01:47:59.000 It sucks if your name is Karen.

01:48:01.000 This lady told me once, it was hilarious.

01:48:03.000 I go, she goes, you know, hi, my name's Karen.

01:48:07.000 And I said, does that bother you, the whole Karen thing?

01:48:09.000 She goes, no, because I spell it different.

01:48:12.000 She's like, I spell it K-A-R-Y-N. I'm like, okay, you win.

01:48:16.000 Like, what are you saying?

01:48:18.000 You still got fucked.

01:48:19.000 They still got you.

01:48:20.000 They still got you.

01:48:21.000 Because she was in her 40s, and they got her with that name.

01:48:23.000 Her whole life she was fine.

01:48:25.000 It was a regular girl name.

01:48:26.000 Exactly.

01:48:27.000 Now it's no good.

01:48:28.000 And there's no guy name like that.

01:48:31.000 Some people say Chad, but there's some badass Chads out there.

01:48:35.000 It doesn't work.

01:48:36.000 Definitely not naming new Karens.

01:48:37.000 You know, it's like Honky.

01:48:39.000 Honky doesn't work either.

01:48:40.000 You know, you can't...

01:48:41.000 It's funny that there's not one like that for a dude.

01:48:43.000 They've changed so many stupid things.

01:48:46.000 The Karen one's perfect, though.

01:48:47.000 It's like...

01:48:48.000 It sucks if your name is Karen, but goddamn, it's perfect.

01:48:51.000 There's no little baby Karens around right now, though.

01:48:52.000 I fucking doubt it.

01:48:54.000 I would like to see that steep cliff drop off from the time Karen became a thing to the time kids stopped naming their kids Karen.

01:49:01.000 I just can't do it, though, Karen.

01:49:05.000 It's not a bad name.

01:49:06.000 No, it's a nice name.

01:49:07.000 It's a beautiful name.

01:49:08.000 Yeah, exactly.

01:49:09.000 Nothing wrong with it.

01:49:10.000 So it's almost like you're calling somebody something nice.

01:49:11.000 You're a Karen.

01:49:12.000 I thank you.

01:49:13.000 I generally don't use it, but it is funny that it's a thing.

01:49:17.000 I'm just saying, like, when I talk to guys that come to my show and I go, you know, they're married 30 years, whatever, and I go, So you're still using the P word and the C? Come on.

01:49:28.000 You know.

01:49:29.000 What do you call it?

01:49:30.000 Oh.

01:49:31.000 Beautiful names, right?

01:49:32.000 Moose Canoe.

01:49:33.000 Oh, better.

01:49:34.000 You know what I mean?

01:49:34.000 Much better.

01:49:35.000 Tangy Tuna Tower.

01:49:37.000 Tangy Tuna Tower.

01:49:38.000 I go, how many times?

01:49:39.000 Think of this.

01:49:40.000 That should be a band.

01:49:41.000 Don't you think a girl gets bored when the guy's head is buried in the pillow?

01:49:46.000 How many times she got to hear in her life, I'm gonna come.

01:49:51.000 She's heard that thousand.

01:49:53.000 She's probably miming it.

01:49:55.000 I go, you come up with something different, everything changes.

01:50:00.000 That's how I look at life.

01:50:02.000 You make it more exciting rather than a dimmer.

01:50:03.000 You want to be the first.

01:50:05.000 No, rather than a dimmer in your bedroom, have three, four lava lamps going.

01:50:12.000 The dimmer with the dust on it.

01:50:14.000 Come on.

01:50:15.000 Right.

01:50:15.000 Mix it up.

01:50:17.000 Romanticize it.

01:50:18.000 Especially when you're with somebody for a long time.

01:50:20.000 I really understand that stuff.

01:50:23.000 I don't want to do real bits on the show, but I talk about all that on stage and how...

01:50:30.000 See, because I was the guy that said hated women, but I don't really think...

01:50:35.000 Like, I have a friend that said to me on the phone, he goes, look, he's 65. I understand that you still love sex.

01:50:43.000 He goes, I like it too, but not like you.

01:50:46.000 You like it.

01:50:47.000 It's like every time you have sex, it's like the first time.

01:50:51.000 I go, because I always appreciated it.

01:50:54.000 I always found it exciting, you know?

01:50:57.000 You know, it's like, you know, one minute you're saying hello to somebody, and what sign are you, and what do you do to make a dollar?

01:51:05.000 And the next thing, you're just banging into this fucking marbleized meat steak, you know, relentlessly, and going, all right, I guess you're mine now.

01:51:16.000 You know, but I always appreciate it.

01:51:19.000 The 80s.

01:51:19.000 The 80s were a magical time.

01:51:21.000 But I just try to appreciate it.

01:51:24.000 Like, it never gets old to me when I'm into somebody.

01:51:27.000 You know what I mean?

01:51:28.000 And even from many years ago, you know, they're going, this is the guy that hates women.

01:51:33.000 I go, there's probably nobody more romantic.

01:51:36.000 If you spoke to my girl, all right, we all know Valentine's Day, flowers, chocolates, bullshit, right?

01:51:44.000 I need a Monday.

01:51:45.000 My girl, I'm always, and I don't buy the bullshit grocery $3 flower.

01:51:51.000 I go in, the flower guy knows me.

01:51:55.000 Because I go, today, the tall vase.

01:52:00.000 I spent thousands on it a year because I like how she feels when she gets fresh flowers.

01:52:08.000 I mean, she happens to be Southern, but she just loves it.

01:52:12.000 She just loves the smell of it, the look of it, and it just gives me pleasure When I could do something sweet for her.

01:52:21.000 That's not a holiday.

01:52:23.000 I don't need a birthday or Valentine's Day.

01:52:26.000 When I could get you flowers every week if I want.

01:52:30.000 And that the doorbell rings and she goes, oh, this is so sweet.

01:52:34.000 That's how...

01:52:36.000 How I've been really my whole life, but not...

01:52:40.000 But you're very sensitive to that, because that was like a thing that really bothered you when people were coming out.

01:52:46.000 Because it wasn't true.

01:52:46.000 It wasn't true, but it was also, it's like, this is what I always say.

01:52:50.000 It's like when you see Brad Pitt smash that woman's face against the mantle in Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, he's not really doing that.

01:52:58.000 Exactly, 100%.

01:52:59.000 So what is it about, you know in a movie it's not real, you know in a song that's not real, like Bob Marley didn't really shoot the sheriff, right?

01:53:07.000 We all know that.

01:53:08.000 So what is it about comedy that's so obviously a persona, it's so obviously this over-the-top character, That you've created, and it's hilarious.

01:53:20.000 And so many people like it.

01:53:22.000 Why did that bother people so much?

01:53:25.000 This is what's crazy about it.

01:53:26.000 It's like, how come no one...

01:53:29.000 I can understand if you don't like it.

01:53:31.000 I can understand if it's not your thing.

01:53:32.000 But it was universal, except for fans.

01:53:36.000 So obviously, whoever's reviewing it is not representing everyone.

01:53:40.000 Because there's so many people coming out to see you, and they're having the time of their life.

01:53:44.000 And I was one of those fans.

01:53:46.000 I was one of those fans.

01:53:47.000 So for me, I didn't understand it.

01:53:50.000 Like, as a comic, I'm like, he's just doing comedy.

01:53:53.000 Like, what is wrong with you people?

01:53:56.000 You can't dictate.

01:53:58.000 These are the free speech people.

01:53:59.000 These are the First Amendment people.

01:54:01.000 You can't dictate what a person talks about or doesn't talk about.

01:54:06.000 Back then, though, you couldn't go after them.

01:54:10.000 See, if they came out with a newspaper today, at least you can fight back with the social media.

01:54:16.000 They had ultimate power to shape society by deciding things sucked.

01:54:20.000 Yeah, it was a brutal time.

01:54:23.000 Number one, I enjoyed this time way better for me.

01:54:26.000 And I enjoy getting on stage way more for me now.

01:54:29.000 You know, because these are fans that just appreciate what I do.

01:54:34.000 And now I'm like grandfathered in.

01:54:37.000 I'm not part of with the canceling.

01:54:40.000 I do what I do.

01:54:41.000 I came through it and I'm still standing, as they would say.

01:54:45.000 So I just go on stage and do the act I want to do.

01:54:48.000 And I don't care what anybody thinks about it.

01:54:51.000 And like I said, it is a lot more deprecating now.

01:54:53.000 But you had a resurgence because of the internet, too, though.

01:54:57.000 Well, I also have resurgence because, you know, like I said, it was always about...

01:55:02.000 Acting to me.

01:55:04.000 And, you know, I don't know what I want to talk about.

01:55:09.000 All right.

01:55:10.000 So, what was it, 2009 or 10, here comes Doug Allen, who created Entourage.

01:55:17.000 And he's getting ready to do his very last season of Entourage.

01:55:24.000 And we have a meeting at the Soho Club, which is like Entourage, you know, and he said to me, and look, when I talk to another comic, sometimes it's hard, so I'm going to say I think you're an incredible comedian.

01:55:38.000 On top of performer, you're an incredible comedian.

01:55:42.000 Your thoughts are great, you're a worldly guy, you know a lot of stuff, so when you perform, that's why you have built the audience you have around the entire fucking world.

01:55:53.000 I mean, to me, this was never even a thought in my head that somebody would come along, you know, because to me, I always look like at Howard Stern, like, who's ever going to come along and top what this guy has done?

01:56:07.000 And then slowly but surely, here you come.

01:56:09.000 And now you have basically the biggest audience in the world.

01:56:13.000 And that's why I tell you how proud I am, because you had enough success way before this To walk away from it all and just do stand-up.

01:56:22.000 But this is something you wanted and you took the time to nurture it and build it and do it your own way and you just became it.

01:56:32.000 And I love when I see an original and you are an original and this incredible comic slash performer because you don't stand in one spot on stage.

01:56:44.000 I've seen you on your back kicking your fucking feet.

01:56:47.000 It's hilarious to me.

01:56:49.000 So, when I do say things about myself, don't think I'm the only one that thinks I'm great.

01:56:56.000 I know others that are great, and you're one of them.

01:56:59.000 And I appreciate you.

01:57:01.000 Thank you very much.

01:57:01.000 And I appreciate, like, Bill Burr, I think, is amazing.

01:57:04.000 I love Bill.

01:57:05.000 Dave Chappelle, amazing.

01:57:08.000 Chris Rock, amazing.

01:57:09.000 But right now I'm sitting talking to you.

01:57:12.000 So I get into my story, but I'd like you to know what I really think of you.

01:57:18.000 I appreciate that.

01:57:19.000 I know how good that feels to somebody.

01:57:21.000 I appreciate you very much, Dice.

01:57:23.000 And what you accomplished is unaccomplishable unless you're Joe Rogan and see it that way and believe in yourself that you're an original as you are.

01:57:33.000 I really appreciate that, but I don't even think about it that way.

01:57:36.000 I just do what I like to do and I keep doing it and this one became popular.

01:57:41.000 And I am amazed by it.

01:57:43.000 Thank you.

01:57:44.000 And what's funny about that whole statement is that I forgot what I was going to tell you before I told you that.

01:57:51.000 But it doesn't even matter because of, you know, I wanted to let you know that today.

01:57:56.000 That was important to me.

01:57:58.000 All those other guys, whether it's Howard or Opie Anthony, even Imus, like all those sort of controversial radio characters, they all set the stage for this.

01:58:09.000 But it was really Opie and Anthony.

01:58:12.000 That's really where I learned how fun it is just to hang out.

01:58:17.000 I did that show a thousand times.

01:58:18.000 It was so fun to hang out.

01:58:19.000 There was nothing like it.

01:58:20.000 I remember they would goof on me before I got to know them.

01:58:25.000 You know, because Anthony does a great dice.

01:58:28.000 The perfect dice.

01:58:29.000 Okay, he does the perfect dice.

01:58:30.000 It's pretty damn good.

01:58:31.000 And I would get a call from, you know, my friend and personal security person throughout the years, Club Soda Kenny, who I don't know if he bodyguards you, he bodyguards...

01:58:42.000 No, he hasn't, but I love that guy.

01:58:43.000 He's amazing, and he works with Bill Burr full-time, and he bodyguards Madonna.

01:58:48.000 He's an amazing guy.

01:58:52.000 The girl...

01:58:53.000 Wait, what's...

01:58:55.000 The blonde girl comedian.

01:58:57.000 Oh, that one.

01:58:57.000 I just forgot her name for a second.

01:58:59.000 Which one?

01:59:00.000 No, I'm not looking to even make fun of her.

01:59:01.000 Which one?

01:59:02.000 He worked with a few years.

01:59:04.000 Because when I'm talking fast, I forget certain things.

01:59:06.000 I do too.

01:59:07.000 He knows who I'm talking about, though.

01:59:09.000 Club Soda, you know.

01:59:11.000 Okay.

01:59:11.000 Anyway, so he's...

01:59:15.000 There's so many thoughts going through my head right now.

01:59:19.000 I understand.

01:59:20.000 You might have got a contact high.

01:59:22.000 Is that it?

01:59:23.000 I'm stoned out now?

01:59:26.000 You had a stoned...

01:59:27.000 I think you're right.

01:59:29.000 I think so, too.

01:59:31.000 And I like weed, but I'll do it at night.

01:59:34.000 Right.

01:59:35.000 Yeah.

01:59:35.000 Well, I take things to help my memory while I'm smoking weed.

01:59:38.000 Well, it's not helping mine.

01:59:40.000 Yeah, I can give you some.

01:59:42.000 I'll give some Alphabrain next time.

01:59:43.000 It's the balancing act of the positive benefits of weed and the memory loss part.

01:59:49.000 No, I've just gone...

01:59:52.000 You're fucking crazy.

01:59:54.000 We gotcha!

01:59:54.000 You really got me.

01:59:56.000 I gotcha accidentally.

01:59:57.000 I didn't mean to.

01:59:58.000 No, but I get it.

01:59:59.000 Why did you quit the cigarettes?

02:00:00.000 See, when I did, when I got the palsy face?

02:00:03.000 Mm-hmm.

02:00:04.000 Okay, I know we were talking about that.

02:00:06.000 Yeah.

02:00:08.000 Well, I've quit cigarettes twice.

02:00:10.000 I quit for 10 years.

02:00:12.000 And that's the first time I went back.

02:00:15.000 I didn't want to smoke or gamble.

02:00:17.000 And, you know, because I was a big-time gambler with Blackjack for a long time.

02:00:24.000 Oh, really?

02:00:25.000 Yeah.

02:00:26.000 What's, like, the most you ever bet?

02:00:28.000 Oh, no.

02:00:29.000 Millions that have gone around in a circle, you know.

02:00:32.000 And the first time Bobby Lee opens for me.

02:00:35.000 This is hilarious.

02:00:38.000 He's a new comic, okay?

02:00:40.000 Okay.

02:00:42.000 And I did Bally's, let's see, 12 or 13 years.

02:00:46.000 It was like this big multi-million dollar deal I had with Bally's, which they never gave any comic in history.

02:00:52.000 Okay, so that's another first thing.

02:00:55.000 And so I bring Bobby Lee to open for me.

02:01:00.000 So I lose a quarter million, you know, within, I don't know, an hour and a half of being there.

02:01:06.000 You know what?

02:01:06.000 I am stoned, of course, to you.

02:01:08.000 So...

02:01:11.000 So he's sitting, I remember he'd sit on the top of the couch in the room, you know, with his feet like on the cushions.

02:01:18.000 And he's sitting there, because he doesn't know what to do, you know.

02:01:21.000 Like he just saw the guy that hired him lose a quarter million dollars.

02:01:26.000 I said, Bobby, I'll get it back tomorrow.

02:01:28.000 It's not really, you know, don't even think about it.

02:01:31.000 Serious, let's order some food, type of thing.

02:01:34.000 And that's happened a bunch of times because any gambler that says he wins all the time is just lying to you.

02:01:43.000 But what I always tell my girlfriend, because I don't gamble anymore, That I go, I've gotten to do stuff that people dream of doing, that you only see in movies when you see gambling movies.

02:02:00.000 You know, I can remember one time, also at Bally's, this is a good story, And Wheels was my opening act.

02:02:10.000 You knew Wheels, right?

02:02:10.000 Yeah, sure.

02:02:11.000 Okay, so, you know, he's into coffee now.

02:02:14.000 Wheels does all these different businesses.

02:02:16.000 He was catering for a while, right?

02:02:17.000 Yeah, he did the Cannoli Kings.

02:02:19.000 Now he does Parisi's coffee, you know, and it's incredible coffee.

02:02:24.000 It's what I drink every day, you know.

02:02:27.000 So, we were talking about this recently that, so I'm doing Bally's and Wheels is the opener.

02:02:33.000 And that was even one time I'm playing, Wheels is on stage at Bally's, I'm at Caesars Palace, wearing the Dice Rules jacket, Club Soda Kenny's with me, and he's going, we really need to leave now?

02:02:47.000 You're on in ten minutes.

02:02:50.000 So it was a good night for me.

02:02:52.000 I'm on stage now at Bally's 10 minutes later with $350,000 of chips in my pocket that I didn't even have time to.

02:03:01.000 Winnings, not even, you know, just all winnings.

02:03:04.000 So I lose, I'm with Wheels, and I lose the night before a couple hundred grand.

02:03:11.000 And now we'd sit out at the pool.

02:03:13.000 I never became like a recluse.

02:03:17.000 I wasn't going to live my life like that, you know, no matter how big I got in comedy.

02:03:21.000 I got in the mall by myself.

02:03:23.000 I got in the cleaners.

02:03:25.000 I got in the grocery.

02:03:26.000 Because that's what kept me normal, regular.

02:03:29.000 Just the guy from Brooklyn that made it, you know.

02:03:32.000 So we're out at the pool at Bally's and I go, Wheels, you got any money on you?

02:03:37.000 He goes, I got $20, you know.

02:03:40.000 I go, yeah, that's enough.

02:03:41.000 I go, let's go.

02:03:42.000 We get in a cab.

02:03:43.000 We go over to the Mirage.

02:03:44.000 All right.

02:03:46.000 So at the Mirage at that time, I only had, it was like a $75,000 credit.

02:03:52.000 Okay, so they give me $75,000.

02:03:55.000 And I had this dealer.

02:03:57.000 I forgot this guy's name.

02:03:59.000 And he's killing me because I play alone.

02:04:03.000 And I play...

02:04:04.000 I could play the whole table if I want.

02:04:07.000 So it's $5,000 a hand.

02:04:08.000 That's $30,000 across the board.

02:04:11.000 And this guy's killing me, okay?

02:04:13.000 But what bothered me is when they would hold the cards for me to cut, let's say you're the player, the dealer goes like that.

02:04:20.000 Instead of like that, that you could just find the spot and cut it.

02:04:24.000 So when I was playing the dealer beating me, I asked the pit boss, this guy, do you mind if the dealer...

02:04:32.000 Turns the cards to me so I could cut.

02:04:35.000 And Wheels is sitting here, and I'm sitting on this end.

02:04:38.000 And he goes, yeah, sure, no problem, Dice.

02:04:41.000 The guy would do it.

02:04:42.000 Now they switch dealers and pit boss.

02:04:46.000 Now this is the days where all the women, you know, I hate Dice type of thing, okay?

02:04:53.000 Which they really didn't.

02:04:54.000 It was a small number, but the press made it like a big number.

02:04:59.000 Well, the new pit boss was a woman, and she was a dice hater.

02:05:03.000 And the dealer's name was Archie, I remember, because he was from Louisiana.

02:05:09.000 And I said to the pit boss, I go, would you mind if Archie...

02:05:14.000 You know, because I'm not in character, and I'm not on stage.

02:05:17.000 I go, would you mind if Archie turned the cards to me so I could cut the cards?

02:05:22.000 And she goes, no, we can't do that here.

02:05:25.000 I go, well...

02:05:27.000 The other pit boss didn't have a problem with it.

02:05:30.000 And she goes, well, I do.

02:05:33.000 Now I get mad.

02:05:34.000 Now it's dice mean.

02:05:36.000 You know.

02:05:38.000 Wheels.

02:05:40.000 Get up.

02:05:42.000 And then remind me to tell you about Doug Allen.

02:05:44.000 Okay.

02:05:44.000 Just remember.

02:05:45.000 Write it down.

02:05:46.000 I got it.

02:05:47.000 Don't worry.

02:05:47.000 I got it.

02:05:48.000 Doug Allen.

02:05:48.000 Right after that, I'm going to tell you what happened.

02:05:50.000 Because it's a great story.

02:05:51.000 It's like a Rocky story, you know.

02:05:53.000 So, Wheels, get up.

02:05:55.000 Sit here.

02:05:56.000 I'm making a show out of it now.

02:05:57.000 And I go to the end of the table so I can lean across and cut the cards where I want.

02:06:02.000 Wheels, get up.

02:06:03.000 Go back to your seat.

02:06:05.000 I go, let me tell you something, honey.

02:06:07.000 Now I'm dice.

02:06:08.000 I go, you're going to be lucky if you have a job when I'm done here now.

02:06:15.000 I go, because they're all watching.

02:06:18.000 I go, Archie, you see that last chip in the $5,000 lane?

02:06:23.000 No, not the first lane, the second lane?

02:06:25.000 That's yours.

02:06:26.000 How does that sound?

02:06:27.000 Nice tip?

02:06:28.000 That would be great.

02:06:29.000 I go, let's play cards!

02:06:31.000 And I start playing.

02:06:32.000 Two hands, three hands, six hands, and I'm just winning.

02:06:37.000 But I'm not stacking the chips.

02:06:38.000 I'm just throwing them like this.

02:06:40.000 I don't even know what's there, right?

02:06:44.000 He's down to the last two chips on the second row.

02:06:49.000 And I go, alright, this is what I'm going to do.

02:06:53.000 I go, honey, I want you to pay attention, because I got a little thing I want to ask you.

02:06:59.000 I go, I want a blackjack, Archie.

02:07:02.000 I'm going to take the ace of spades, and then I'm going to take the queen of spades.

02:07:06.000 Okay, that's how you're going to deal it to me.

02:07:09.000 Sweetheart, I don't know what shit pay they give you here for the 12 hours a day you gotta put in, but I'll bet, and I don't know what's here, but I'm sure it's more than what you make a week, you know?

02:07:20.000 Or a year, or maybe the next five years.

02:07:23.000 But I'll bet all this that I pull those cards exactly the way I'm saying it.

02:07:28.000 Against your pay.

02:07:29.000 What do you say?

02:07:31.000 And she goes, we're not allowed to do that.

02:07:37.000 I go, all right, Archie, give me the ace of spades and give it to me slowly because I make a sound effect noise.

02:07:46.000 I do it when I film, which is this noise.

02:07:52.000 And there's the ace of spades.

02:07:54.000 I gotta tell you, and this is a true story.

02:07:56.000 I don't...

02:07:57.000 See, these stories are so unreal.

02:08:00.000 Just gut.

02:08:01.000 I swear to God, it's my gut.

02:08:03.000 So that's why I'll tell you, don't think I've never lost.

02:08:06.000 I've lost a ton of fucking money.

02:08:08.000 You know, but I've won a ton.

02:08:10.000 That's the beauty of it.

02:08:12.000 Yeah, but you're not just guessing that you're gonna blackjack, you're guessing the actual cards.

02:08:16.000 It's just a gut feeling.

02:08:18.000 Did you ever do it again after that?

02:08:19.000 No way, way.

02:08:20.000 Okay.

02:08:21.000 So now I look at this woman, I go, I'll tell you what, same bet.

02:08:24.000 If I don't pull the queen of spades, you win all that against your pay for the year.

02:08:31.000 She goes, no.

02:08:34.000 Archie, let's not fuck around.

02:08:36.000 Just give me the queen of spades.

02:08:37.000 Boom.

02:08:38.000 There it is.

02:08:39.000 Even Wheels couldn't believe it.

02:08:40.000 And honestly, Joe, I'm sitting here and I know millions of people listen to you.

02:08:45.000 I couldn't fucking believe it.

02:08:47.000 It just came out that way.

02:08:50.000 So now we pile it all up.

02:08:52.000 I walk out of that hotel $455,000 after giving them their $75,000.

02:08:59.000 That's the profit.

02:09:01.000 And on the way back to the hotel, because I make wheels carry the money in these, like, manila envelopes, hey, we're in a cab.

02:09:09.000 I go, put your hand in, grab a stack of money.

02:09:11.000 You know?

02:09:12.000 So he takes like $10,000, you know.

02:09:14.000 And I go, wasn't that worth $20?

02:09:17.000 You know what I mean?

02:09:19.000 So that's one of the gambling stories.

02:09:21.000 But I always tell people about gambling.

02:09:23.000 I want to know why you thought those were going to be the cards.

02:09:27.000 Like, what is that?

02:09:29.000 Do you think that there's moments in time where you just know things for some reason?

02:09:35.000 Well, I knew when I'd lose.

02:09:37.000 Yeah?

02:09:38.000 Of course.

02:09:39.000 It's like, you know, it's like there were just certain days.

02:09:42.000 It would get to the point, and I've done this, and I've done this in front of gangsters, that one guy said to me, he goes, throw the books away, you hear?

02:09:53.000 Because I was calling every card coming out.

02:09:56.000 And I'm not a card counter.

02:09:57.000 I don't even know math really.

02:09:59.000 So what do you think that is?

02:10:01.000 And how many times have you been able to do that in your life?

02:10:04.000 Is it just with cards or is it with other stuff too?

02:10:07.000 I've done it with my career.

02:10:08.000 I've done it with my career.

02:10:11.000 What do you think that is?

02:10:14.000 Do you think it's a gift?

02:10:16.000 It's just something, if you believe in God, and I'm not a religious guy in any way, but I believe I was put here, you know, and I always knew what I was supposed to be.

02:10:28.000 You know, like I told you about Elvis when I was 12 years old, and I didn't really talk about Gene Kruper or Buddy Rich with the drums or Ringo Starr.

02:10:36.000 But I knew I was meant, like when I'd be failing everything in school, I wouldn't even worry about it because I knew I was meant for much more.

02:10:47.000 That's so interesting.

02:10:48.000 It's almost like it was written.

02:10:51.000 That's how I say it to people.

02:10:52.000 I never felt that way, ever in my life.

02:10:54.000 And if you want to hear something that, and I want to give you to Doug Allen, and I want to talk to you about those videos.

02:11:00.000 Okay.

02:11:01.000 You try not to forget that.

02:11:03.000 Okay.

02:11:03.000 So when I was really going through it with the press and they were really...

02:11:09.000 I mean, I couldn't turn on TV. I know it's not your life, so you're not thinking about my life, but I would see it every day.

02:11:16.000 No, I thought about you when that was going on because I was like, no one has his back.

02:11:21.000 And there was no one in, like, media that had your back.

02:11:25.000 No, that's why I talk about Eddie Murphy all the time because Eddie came out on Arsenio.

02:11:30.000 He was the only one.

02:11:32.000 And said, I don't know about what's going on.

02:11:34.000 I don't remember his word.

02:11:35.000 He goes, but he's funny, and I'm going to the forum to see him, however he said it.

02:11:41.000 You know, he was the one guy.

02:11:43.000 I remember driving down, green Cadillac convertible, Kelly Green, with my wife at the time, and she's going, somebody's yelling at you, Andrew.

02:11:53.000 And it was Eddie Murphy in a little convertible Mercedes.

02:11:56.000 He's going, well, And he gets out of his car on a side street near Crescent, that I made a right turn before Melrose, and he pulls behind me, gets out of his car, because he always liked me.

02:12:07.000 At the Comedy Store, he'd walk away from—this was before I made it—he'd walk away from his entourage.

02:12:13.000 You know, just to talk to me.

02:12:15.000 He loved what I did.

02:12:16.000 He gets out of his car.

02:12:17.000 I go, don't let them fuck with you.

02:12:20.000 He goes, I see how they're doing.

02:12:22.000 Don't let them get to you.

02:12:23.000 I see what they're doing.

02:12:25.000 I mean, and he really had my back that way, but nobody else did.

02:12:29.000 Every other comic opening their fucking mouth, from Jay Leno to George fucking Carlin.

02:12:36.000 And of course, when they'd come face to face with me, kiss my ass.

02:12:41.000 Apologize.

02:12:42.000 That's how these fucking guys were.

02:12:44.000 That's why I get angry now, even.

02:12:46.000 Because, you know...

02:12:47.000 I like guys like Leno.

02:12:49.000 I think I'll even say it now.

02:12:51.000 I think he's one of the funniest guys out there.

02:12:53.000 But what a dickhead.

02:12:56.000 Like, he used to stand leaning against your motorcycle before I ever made it, you know, talking to me all the time.

02:13:02.000 And then the day I took off and got bigger than any comic you ever heard of, I'm no fucking good.

02:13:09.000 What did he say?

02:13:10.000 He said things...

02:13:12.000 Number one, you've got a picture.

02:13:14.000 I'm the first guy on the cover of Penthouse Magazine.

02:13:16.000 He's got the picture somewhere.

02:13:18.000 That Bob Guccione called me up and said, I want to...

02:13:22.000 He goes, the only other guy that's ever been on the cover was me.

02:13:25.000 You're going to be the first man on the cover of Penthouse.

02:13:29.000 You know, whenever he finds it, you'll see.

02:13:31.000 There it is.

02:13:32.000 Right?

02:13:33.000 What's funny is, I think that's 90. 90. And actually, one of those girls were pregnant at that time, which is four months pregnant.

02:13:41.000 And he goes, I'm going to put you on the cover.

02:13:43.000 And then he tried it with other guys, like, you know, I don't want to name names, but it didn't sell like this sold.

02:13:49.000 So he stopped doing it.

02:13:51.000 He thought he was going to start a trend when he put me.

02:13:54.000 And then he had me, again, did a whole photo shoot with me in suits.

02:13:58.000 I stayed at his house in Manhattan.

02:14:00.000 He had a townhouse.

02:14:02.000 Judy Garland's gold piano.

02:14:05.000 You walk into this place.

02:14:06.000 He's with his wife.

02:14:08.000 Over the railing, there's a pool inside the house.

02:14:11.000 He put me in what he called the black room.

02:14:13.000 The whole room was black.

02:14:15.000 With the mirrored fucking ceilings, the red bathroom.

02:14:18.000 It looked like the comedy store.

02:14:20.000 And then all the girls were staying there and we did a whole photo shoot.

02:14:24.000 That's the second time I was in Penthouse.

02:14:27.000 But they did a whole interview on me.

02:14:32.000 And that was, I forgot what Jay said, but I got him at the improv, which I hardly ever go to.

02:14:39.000 Because the comedy store was my place, and that's where I belong.

02:14:43.000 See, I always looked at the improv like, oh, these are the nice boys.

02:14:46.000 And that's okay.

02:14:48.000 I think Seinfeld's one of the greatest comics ever.

02:14:51.000 He's...

02:14:52.000 He's a Long Island nice guy.

02:14:55.000 You know what I mean?

02:14:55.000 I'm an animal.

02:14:57.000 I always was an animal.

02:14:58.000 You know?

02:14:59.000 I got my face bashed in.

02:15:01.000 I was beat up by gangs.

02:15:02.000 I was put in fucking hospitals with my face split open.

02:15:07.000 All kinds of shit.

02:15:08.000 A million fights.

02:15:09.000 You know, I'm not like those guys.

02:15:12.000 I'm from Brooklyn, New York, and I love that.

02:15:15.000 So I get in Leno's face, and I go, where do you come off saying a fucking word about me?

02:15:21.000 I go, now you're standing in front of me.

02:15:23.000 And I go, and next time you see me, there'll be no talk.

02:15:27.000 You know, and that's how it would go with these guys.

02:15:30.000 What did he say?

02:15:32.000 Oh, pussied out.

02:15:34.000 Like they all would.

02:15:35.000 You know?

02:15:37.000 George Carlin met him up at the Stern Show after he bad-mouthed me on Larry King.

02:15:42.000 You know, I'm sorry I said any of that.

02:15:45.000 I was sort of just going with the snowball effect.

02:15:48.000 I couldn't even tell you what you do on stage.

02:15:50.000 I go, great, you're a prick.

02:15:52.000 The fuck out of my way.

02:15:54.000 I hated these guys.

02:15:55.000 So he just piled on.

02:15:57.000 He just piled on.

02:15:58.000 Because it was the zeitgeist.

02:15:59.000 The girl, that fucking Zero from Saturday Night Live.

02:16:03.000 Who's that?

02:16:04.000 Nora, whatever her fucking name was, that walked off Saturday Night Live when I... When I hosted it, okay?

02:16:13.000 So, Nora, this is hilarious.

02:16:16.000 I don't even want to do Saturday Night Live.

02:16:18.000 I was never a Saturday Night Live freak.

02:16:20.000 You know, I think it's a great show, but I was busy doing an act, you know?

02:16:24.000 Right.

02:16:25.000 So, I get a call, Ford Fairlane's coming out, you want to host Saturday Night Live.

02:16:29.000 My father's like, I think it's a smart move, sonny boy.

02:16:33.000 So, no, that's, you know, how he was.

02:16:35.000 Right.

02:16:36.000 Sandy Gallen, biggest manager in Hollywood, but I didn't make a move until my father said move.

02:16:42.000 So I come up to Saturday Night Live.

02:16:47.000 I'm waiting, I'm waiting, I'm waiting.

02:16:49.000 And then here comes Calvin Klein's daughter to bring me into Lawn.

02:16:54.000 Okay, I sit down just like me and you.

02:16:57.000 And Lawn goes, yeah, it's been a rough day, you know.

02:17:02.000 I go, yeah, all right.

02:17:06.000 He goes, yeah, you know, Nora walked off the show.

02:17:08.000 I forget her name all the time, her last name.

02:17:13.000 I go, well, you know, what are you going to do, right?

02:17:17.000 And he goes, she walked off because of you.

02:17:21.000 So I go...

02:17:23.000 I go, Lorne, I don't know who she is.

02:17:27.000 Did I do something to her?

02:17:28.000 He goes, no, she doesn't want you on the show, so she's boycotting the show.

02:17:32.000 And that was news all week, right?

02:17:35.000 And the real story is her contract...

02:17:39.000 Laura Dunn.

02:17:40.000 Oh, okay.

02:17:41.000 So, yeah, the real reason was that her contract was up in two weeks, and he wasn't going to renew it.

02:17:49.000 He didn't want her no more.

02:17:51.000 That's it.

02:17:52.000 So that was her way of getting back at him, because the most controversial comic ever, really, is hosting the show.

02:18:00.000 I'm going to walk off and cause a problem.

02:18:02.000 And then Sinead followed in suit, but Sinead apologized when she went on Arsenio.

02:18:11.000 She goes, if I knew what I knew then, my management talked me into walking off, because this girl Nora did.

02:18:18.000 She was supposed to be the musical guest.

02:18:22.000 Yeah, it was a rough time.

02:18:24.000 My mother used to say, she goes, they come after you more than they go after OJ. She really meant it, and it was unbelievable, because anytime I turn on TV... Well, it certainly seems like that, because it's you, though, you know?

02:18:38.000 No, no, but it was that.

02:18:39.000 I could turn on Regis and...

02:18:42.000 Well, you were a cultural hot button and there was, again, there was no internet back there to have your back.

02:18:47.000 Yeah, but it's not like it went on for six months.

02:18:50.000 No, it went on for years.

02:18:51.000 That MTV thing went on for years.

02:18:53.000 You were the whipping boy when it came to what they would call blue comedy.

02:19:00.000 But the thing was, what did you take?

02:19:02.000 The cigarettes?

02:19:03.000 Or offensive comedy.

02:19:04.000 No, they're right there.

02:19:05.000 Your cigarettes are right in front of your coffee cup.

02:19:07.000 Oh, that's what I'm saying.

02:19:08.000 See, I told you I had a cataract taken.

02:19:10.000 Oh.

02:19:11.000 Yeah.

02:19:11.000 How bad does that fuck with your vision?

02:19:13.000 It fucks with it.

02:19:14.000 That's why I'm always in sunglasses.

02:19:16.000 The light fucks with it.

02:19:18.000 You know, it's really helped it, but it fucks with it.

02:19:22.000 You know, and...

02:19:23.000 So you're saying you quit twice?

02:19:25.000 Yeah.

02:19:26.000 And then you didn't smoke for how long?

02:19:27.000 So I didn't smoke for 10 years.

02:19:29.000 Then when my father was supposedly going to pass away, I was with Eleanor playing a club in Virginia.

02:19:35.000 I was standing on this corner with like five different roads with cars going.

02:19:40.000 I just bought a pack and started smoking.

02:19:42.000 Wow.

02:19:43.000 So that went on for like another six years.

02:19:47.000 Then, when I was turning 60, I had a heart attack.

02:19:54.000 I didn't even know I'm having one, and it was in Vegas, and they put a stent in, and I just stopped that day.

02:20:02.000 I didn't need any kind of patch or shot.

02:20:07.000 Just stop smoking.

02:20:08.000 Why do you carry them still?

02:20:09.000 But it's the same with gambling.

02:20:11.000 Here, we're having a conversation.

02:20:13.000 You're like having one in your hands.

02:20:14.000 I love it.

02:20:15.000 I do love holding cigarettes.

02:20:18.000 Even when I do concerts, they have to have two packs in the dressing room.

02:20:22.000 That's hilarious.

02:20:23.000 But I never light them.

02:20:25.000 I don't get the urge to light them.

02:20:27.000 What if someone lights one around you?

02:20:28.000 You okay with that?

02:20:29.000 I couldn't care less.

02:20:29.000 You want to smoke?

02:20:30.000 Smoke.

02:20:31.000 I just don't want the smoke.

02:20:35.000 I always loved exercise and I learned how to train my own body.

02:20:42.000 Everybody's got a different body.

02:20:44.000 Through Sly Stallone's guy when I was doing Ford Fairlane, George Pippasek is his name.

02:20:52.000 And George was Mr. Czechoslovakia for four years.

02:20:56.000 And when steroids came into the business back then, he just quit.

02:21:02.000 And he had a body like Tarzan.

02:21:04.000 And he moved to America, built his own gym and every machine in it on Olympic Boulevard.

02:21:10.000 And when my career took off, I became good friends with Sly.

02:21:14.000 And I met George at his house.

02:21:17.000 And George taught me how to train my own body.

02:21:21.000 And I've always stuck to every...

02:21:23.000 And it always just works.

02:21:25.000 Can I stop you for a second?

02:21:27.000 What the fuck was going on with that one interview where you went on some news show?

02:21:32.000 I don't know if it was CNN. Oh, CNN. CNN. Okay.

02:21:35.000 That was one of the most ridiculous things.

02:21:38.000 Can we please play that?

02:21:39.000 Because it's one of my favorite Dice videos.

02:21:41.000 We're never going to get to Doug Allen.

02:21:42.000 We'll get to Doug Allen.

02:21:43.000 And the videos.

02:21:44.000 We'll get to anything.

02:21:46.000 Let's start from the beginning.

02:21:47.000 Put the headphones on.

02:21:48.000 This is one of my favorite videos.

02:21:50.000 Let's talk a little bit about where your career has been.

02:21:53.000 Where your career has been.

02:21:55.000 You, of course, you were a headline guy.

02:21:58.000 I'm still a headline guy.

02:21:59.000 You know what I mean?

02:22:00.000 For a while, you popped out.

02:22:01.000 Now you're coming back.

02:22:02.000 For a while, you were actually running a gym.

02:22:06.000 Tell us about that.

02:22:07.000 Running a gym?

02:22:08.000 Weren't you running a gym at some point?

02:22:09.000 You're supposed to be a news guy.

02:22:10.000 Where are you getting your fucking information?

02:22:12.000 This is ridiculous.

02:22:13.000 I come on CNN and the guy don't even know what he's talking about.

02:22:16.000 Go ahead.

02:22:16.000 You're at no point where you're running a gym?

02:22:18.000 No, no, running a gym?

02:22:20.000 What, you need to work out or something?

02:22:23.000 Jesus fucking Christ, with these guys.

02:22:25.000 I come on the news for two seconds and you want to...

02:22:28.000 Every time I do an interview, a guy wants to open his fucking mouth.

02:22:31.000 Can't even do a little fucking routine here.

02:22:33.000 Thank you very much.

02:22:34.000 We thought that you could go back.

02:22:35.000 You know what, go fuck yourself.

02:22:35.000 You know what?

02:22:36.000 All right.

02:22:38.000 We'll go back to talking about Art Carney.

02:22:42.000 Well, whatever happened to that guy?

02:22:44.000 That guy was so good at his job.

02:22:46.000 Gone.

02:22:47.000 CNN is so good at hiring people.

02:22:49.000 Gone.

02:22:49.000 You know, just gone.

02:22:50.000 They're the best.

02:22:51.000 And he deserved it.

02:22:53.000 That was just so ridiculous.

02:22:54.000 You know where I was the next night?

02:22:56.000 Where?

02:22:56.000 Sold out.

02:22:57.000 Beacon Theater.

02:22:59.000 I saw that at the Beacon about 20-something times.

02:23:02.000 I couldn't even tell you how many.

02:23:03.000 And it's like, why is this guy...

02:23:06.000 And I remember doing interviews about it back then, going, what was it?

02:23:11.000 His mommy doesn't like me?

02:23:13.000 That's how I felt about it.

02:23:14.000 No, I'll tell you what it is from the outside.

02:23:16.000 There was like a cultural narrative.

02:23:18.000 And the cultural narrative is if you're a good guy, you hate that guy, and you don't think that's funny.

02:23:25.000 You don't think the things he says are funny.

02:23:27.000 And...

02:23:28.000 Again, I bring it to all other kinds of fiction.

02:23:32.000 Whether it's movies.

02:23:33.000 I like violent films and violent books.

02:23:37.000 I enjoy them.

02:23:38.000 I don't know why.

02:23:39.000 I like them.

02:23:40.000 I don't think that's really happening.

02:23:42.000 I don't think that's real.

02:23:43.000 Is it fucked up that people getting shot is entertainment for people?

02:23:50.000 I don't know.

02:23:51.000 It's up to you.

02:23:51.000 But no one's really getting shot.

02:23:52.000 So what the fuck are you worried about?

02:23:54.000 Equalize a...

02:23:55.000 The thing is, don't You don't have to like it.

02:23:58.000 That's the thing.

02:23:59.000 It's like for some reason it became like a hot-button cultural issue, like where your comedy was this character was demeaning and it was going to cause other people to be demeaning too.

02:24:10.000 But my thought was, is it going to cause you to be demeaning?

02:24:14.000 Are jokes going to cause you to be demeaning to people?

02:24:16.000 Is that really possible?

02:24:18.000 So then who are we talking about?

02:24:19.000 Are we talking about kids?

02:24:22.000 What's that on?

02:24:23.000 Is that on the parents?

02:24:24.000 Is that on the teachers?

02:24:25.000 Is that on the kids?

02:24:26.000 Or is that on Dice to Raise Your Kids?

02:24:28.000 What is that?

02:24:30.000 Number one, I just think, you know, we've been so held back now.

02:24:36.000 Like comedians, for the most part, are just being held back.

02:24:40.000 Because comedians, as Lenny Bruce put it, and I don't even study comics, We're supposed to be a mirror of what's going on in the world and say things what's going on in a funny way.

02:24:53.000 That's all comedy's supposed to be.

02:24:56.000 You know, depending on how hard you want to get about it, well, that's up to the actual individual comic.

02:25:03.000 But to put cuffs on comedians in 2023 is...

02:25:11.000 The dumbest thing I've ever heard of.

02:25:13.000 Well, this is the time where it's, you know, it's important to make fun of things.

02:25:18.000 Because things get real serious that shouldn't get that serious.

02:25:22.000 Because you're not allowed to express.

02:25:24.000 Not allowed to fuck around.

02:25:26.000 When people have to...

02:25:27.000 You know, I watch these shows with my girlfriend.

02:25:29.000 Let me tell you something.

02:25:31.000 I keep saying it, but...

02:25:32.000 You know, this is a girl that's been through a lot with me.

02:25:35.000 She's been through the palsy phase.

02:25:37.000 She's the one giving me hot...

02:25:39.000 Last night in the hotel with the hot rags on my face because as normal as I look...

02:25:46.000 Okay, the muscles are tight, you know, and it's fucked up.

02:25:51.000 Okay, and...

02:25:53.000 How long ago was it?

02:25:54.000 This is...

02:25:55.000 She would know better than me.

02:25:57.000 I don't know if it's a year.

02:25:59.000 It's a year in July, I think.

02:26:02.000 Somebody could ask her.

02:26:03.000 It's either a year or two years that I'm dealing with this, but I refuse to back up.

02:26:10.000 You understand?

02:26:10.000 I refuse to just fold.

02:26:12.000 I've been like this my whole life.

02:26:15.000 Whatever goes wrong.

02:26:16.000 Have a heart attack?

02:26:17.000 Okay.

02:26:18.000 Stop smoking that day.

02:26:19.000 Just start working out like an animal.

02:26:22.000 And, you know, you work out way different than me.

02:26:26.000 I've seen you kicking the bags.

02:26:28.000 I mean, I give it up to you with that stuff.

02:26:31.000 Even if I do crunches, I do sets of 100, so I'll do 600, 700 a day just to start the workout after I do some cardio.

02:26:40.000 It's all about repetition to me and just staying as good as I could feel.

02:26:45.000 If I don't feel that good in my chest because I'm paranoid because I had a heart attack, When I'm in the gym and I'm pumping the weight, doing the chest work, I go, all right, you're okay.

02:26:55.000 Because I was taught a long time ago by a cardiologist, the heart is a muscle.

02:27:01.000 And if the heart can't handle it, it won't let you do it.

02:27:05.000 It's that simple.

02:27:07.000 And even when I got my heart attack, I'll never forget...

02:27:12.000 The minute I was told I could exercise a little, I went up Runyon Canyon because I was either going to make it to the top of the canyon or not.

02:27:21.000 You know, I'm not willing to live my life in fear.

02:27:25.000 You know, fear stops people from doing all kinds of things they want to do.

02:27:32.000 Even going after a career.

02:27:34.000 You know, so I just refuse to do that.

02:27:37.000 And yeah, if I got to feel some tightness in my face, I'll feel it.

02:27:41.000 Do they know what caused it?

02:27:43.000 Stress.

02:27:44.000 All stress related, they said.

02:27:46.000 You know, and stress is a very real thing.

02:27:51.000 There's a lot of very real things.

02:27:53.000 My bills for the longest time were $50,000 a month for probably 30 years of the last 35. That's just the overhead.

02:28:03.000 Very stressful.

02:28:04.000 I've gone through a ton of marriages, so thank God I cheated on all of them.

02:28:11.000 Yeah, because I don't want to cheat on a girlfriend.

02:28:14.000 Because there's nothing at stake.

02:28:16.000 Right.

02:28:17.000 You know, what's she going to do, pack a bag and leave?

02:28:19.000 You cheat on a wife, you could lose houses, money, alimony.

02:28:23.000 There's a lot, you know what I mean?

02:28:25.000 So yeah, I've enjoyed that process.

02:28:28.000 Actually, the only two girls I've never cheated on in my life, and I take a lot of pride when I say this, is...

02:28:36.000 Because you know, Eleanor is my opening act.

02:28:39.000 Yes.

02:28:39.000 And also, to me...

02:28:41.000 One of the strongest...

02:28:43.000 I can't even call her a girl comic because she's so great up there.

02:28:47.000 She's fantastic.

02:28:48.000 She is, to me, one of the best comics I've ever worked with.

02:28:51.000 Eleanor was the funny waitress for the longest time.

02:28:55.000 And we've told the story.

02:28:56.000 I told the story when she came on the podcast.

02:28:57.000 She was the person that I always go to.

02:28:59.000 Like, if someone new in town, I go, hey, did you see their set?

02:29:02.000 And she goes, ah, they're kind of hacky.

02:29:03.000 She never puts the phone.

02:29:04.000 Every comic in the world has her number.

02:29:07.000 I just couldn't stand...

02:29:08.000 See, people gotta understand, she was first my friend, then, you know, like an ex-fiance now, and then she started doing stand-up, and the first time I put her on stage, she was off stage in four minutes.

02:29:22.000 The crowd didn't even let her get going.

02:29:25.000 It was at Westbury Music Fair.

02:29:27.000 And anybody else would have quit the business from that humiliating moment.

02:29:33.000 Was that our first set ever?

02:29:34.000 Yeah.

02:29:34.000 And I screamed at that crowd.

02:29:36.000 I hated them for that because it's like, this is my opener.

02:29:39.000 You know what I mean?

02:29:40.000 Have some fucking respect.

02:29:42.000 I didn't even want to go on.

02:29:43.000 Well, not only that, but to be your opener, to have that be your first time ever on stage, that's insane.

02:29:50.000 But she didn't stop, and what she started doing?

02:29:52.000 Three, four sets a night.

02:29:54.000 Yeah.

02:29:54.000 To this day.

02:29:55.000 She hustles.

02:29:56.000 To this day.

02:29:57.000 She's at the mothership, too.

02:29:58.000 There isn't a crowd I've seen her bomb in front of.

02:30:02.000 She kills every time, all the time.

02:30:05.000 She's very, very funny.

02:30:05.000 My other favorite opener was Jim Norton, that the first time he opened for me, and I put her right next to him, you know, as my two favorite openers ever.

02:30:15.000 Because I actually got, when we were in Canada recently, so I only normally do one show a night.

02:30:21.000 Because I don't want to rush the crowd out.

02:30:23.000 They pay a high ticket price to see me.

02:30:26.000 So I like giving them time.

02:30:28.000 I like digging into the bits and coming up with stuff.

02:30:30.000 And it's not the day the laughter died.

02:30:33.000 I want to kill them.

02:30:34.000 I want them to walk out and go, I never saw anybody like this.

02:30:37.000 He's better today than he was 30 fucking years ago.

02:30:40.000 Well, we got a chance to see you, me and Norton and a couple other folks, Anthony and who else was with us?

02:30:45.000 We got to see you at the Riviera.

02:30:47.000 That was very nostalgic for me.

02:30:50.000 I loved that place.

02:30:52.000 Oh, I loved the Riv.

02:30:54.000 I think you were one of the last shows there before they shut down.

02:30:58.000 I think they demolished it.

02:31:00.000 Didn't they demolish Riviera?

02:31:02.000 Yeah, they took it down.

02:31:03.000 Hey, I got to get out of here soon.

02:31:04.000 So, do you want to play some of these videos and tell me what led you to these fucking insane videos?

02:31:10.000 You talked about the day the laughter died.

02:31:13.000 Yes.

02:31:13.000 Okay, that's on an album.

02:31:14.000 Right.

02:31:15.000 All right.

02:31:16.000 So all the years, people come all the way, dice, can I get a picture?

02:31:20.000 Right, right, right.

02:31:21.000 And it's good to meet people that are fans of yours.

02:31:24.000 And now and then I put one up in these videos.

02:31:26.000 But I was like...

02:31:28.000 Why don't I just do The Day the Laughter Died live?

02:31:33.000 I don't look for the fan.

02:31:35.000 I look for the guy that runs away from me.

02:31:41.000 I'm telling you, we're doing pitches now on a whole show based on The Day the Laughter Died, which is called The Famous Face.

02:31:51.000 Because I could come over to anybody.

02:31:53.000 I love it.

02:31:54.000 There was a girl in Florida.

02:31:56.000 I don't know if we have her.

02:31:58.000 And these are people that don't know me.

02:32:00.000 You know, there's nothing better than failing with a fan.

02:32:05.000 Where they're looking at you going, I want what?

02:32:09.000 Play some of them.

02:32:10.000 We got a ton of it.

02:32:11.000 Yeah, put the headphones on so we can hear it.

02:32:13.000 Yeah, I want to see what I sent you even.

02:32:18.000 Oh, this is...

02:32:19.000 Okay.

02:32:22.000 Really?

02:32:23.000 Really?

02:32:24.000 Joey from Christian Singles?

02:32:26.000 How you going?

02:32:27.000 I don't think so, Joey.

02:32:29.000 What?

02:32:35.000 All right, hold that for a minute.

02:32:36.000 I'm going to tell you about that.

02:32:38.000 Okay.

02:32:38.000 So I do like to come up with, like Joey from Christian Single.

02:32:42.000 Now that woman's at a bus stop waiting for a bus going to Brooklyn.

02:32:47.000 So I know these are Brooklyn people, and I know this woman has been dealing with guys like Joey her whole fucking life.

02:32:57.000 So I know before I even, and I'm with my girlfriends in the background, like we look for targets, I call them.

02:33:04.000 That I'm looking at this woman and I'm like, watch this.

02:33:07.000 Watch this.

02:33:08.000 I know she's going to hate me.

02:33:10.000 But her response was so quick.

02:33:13.000 That's how quick people are when they grow up like that.

02:33:16.000 The minute I said, Rita, Joey from Christian Singh, the speed of her just looking at me.

02:33:22.000 You just know she, I don't think so, Joey.

02:33:25.000 Ha ha ha.

02:33:26.000 You know what I mean?

02:33:27.000 She shut you the fuck down.

02:33:28.000 Show it again.

02:33:28.000 Show that one again.

02:33:29.000 I love that.

02:33:30.000 That's one of my favorites.

02:33:32.000 There is something magical about those people.

02:33:34.000 Oh, and you've got to have guts to go over to people.

02:33:37.000 Trust me.

02:33:38.000 They're fucking strangers.

02:33:40.000 Let's find another one because we've got to wrap this up.

02:33:41.000 Okay, let's find another one.

02:33:42.000 Let's find another one.

02:33:43.000 We don't have to play the second one.

02:33:45.000 But I enjoy these deeply.

02:33:47.000 Some of them are so uncomfortable because they go for so long.

02:33:50.000 Oh, this guy's great.

02:33:51.000 This is in L.A. Alright, this is called a show.

02:34:00.000 Alright, I don't normally do this, but you guys seem like good guys.

02:34:04.000 Yeah.

02:34:05.000 Alright, you ready?

02:34:06.000 Yeah.

02:34:07.000 Funny, old mother hubby went to the cupboard to get her old dog a bone, right?

02:34:12.000 Yeah.

02:34:13.000 She bent over.

02:34:14.000 Okay.

02:34:17.000 Right?

02:34:17.000 Yeah.

02:34:18.000 You know.

02:34:19.000 Yeah.

02:34:19.000 Well, I was listening.

02:34:20.000 Sorry.

02:34:22.000 No, like the bone of her own.

02:34:24.000 The bone of her own.

02:34:25.000 What do you want me to do?

02:34:28.000 All right.

02:34:30.000 Give him a third one.

02:34:31.000 Give him a third one, please.

02:34:33.000 I love these so much.

02:34:35.000 They're so uncomfortable.

02:34:36.000 Oh, this guy looks amazing.

02:34:38.000 This guy looks amazing.

02:34:39.000 Oh, no.

02:34:40.000 No, no.

02:34:41.000 Play that one, though.

02:34:42.000 Play that one.

02:34:42.000 This is great.

02:34:44.000 Okay.

02:34:47.000 I don't believe it.

02:34:47.000 Billy, how you doing?

02:34:48.000 This is so...

02:34:50.000 This is so...

02:34:52.000 Because I never got to see you in concert.

02:34:54.000 You know what I mean?

02:34:55.000 So this is like a thrill to me.

02:34:58.000 I don't know.

02:34:59.000 And like...

02:34:59.000 I only need three songs from you tonight.

02:35:02.000 I know you're going to do a lot.

02:35:03.000 But like Just the Way We Was, that's one of them, right?

02:35:07.000 And the Uptown Girl thing.

02:35:10.000 And...

02:35:10.000 Oh, how we...

02:35:13.000 You know, the rain, we made it through the rain that day.

02:35:16.000 No.

02:35:17.000 Know what?

02:35:18.000 That ain't me.

02:35:19.000 What do you mean that?

02:35:19.000 That's not my stuff.

02:35:21.000 We made it through...

02:35:23.000 No, that's Barry Maloney.

02:35:26.000 No, I'm just saying.

02:35:27.000 I know, you're just saying, but it ain't me.

02:35:29.000 No, I'm just gonna go sit and wait, you know what I mean?

02:35:33.000 Thanks for your time.

02:35:35.000 Okay.

02:35:35.000 You don't do that ever?

02:35:36.000 Like, for no reason, like...

02:35:42.000 Did he get mad at you for that?

02:35:44.000 Do you see, like...

02:35:45.000 Get the girl?

02:35:45.000 Who's the girl?

02:35:46.000 The heavy...

02:35:47.000 That girl to the right.

02:35:49.000 What?

02:35:49.000 This isn't...

02:35:50.000 Watch.

02:35:50.000 Okay.

02:35:51.000 I just...

02:35:53.000 Joey Pineapple from Christian Singles.

02:35:57.000 Joey Pineapple from Christian Singles.

02:35:59.000 I love it.

02:36:00.000 Hi, Joey.

02:36:02.000 Read it.

02:36:04.000 Joey Pineapple from Christian Singles.

02:36:05.000 Look at the glasses.

02:36:06.000 Joey Pineapple from Christian Singles.

02:36:11.000 So what happens on the internet is that the fans, my real fans, get really pissed off at these people going, how did New Yorkers not fucking know that this is Dice?

02:36:25.000 Well, you're in a costume.

02:36:26.000 Well, look at the glasses.

02:36:28.000 It's like a windshield.

02:36:29.000 Yeah, you can't even see your face.

02:36:31.000 But also, now and then, I do put up a real fan because, you know, I can't have people think nobody knows me.

02:36:39.000 You know what I mean?

02:36:40.000 So I, like, destroy my own career by doing this.

02:36:43.000 So we're trying to sell that show.

02:36:46.000 So I just wanted to tell you about it with Doug Allen because of these shots I've had in my life.

02:36:53.000 That, like I said, he was getting ready to do, and trust me, none of these people asked me to talk about it.

02:36:59.000 I'm talking about it because it meant the world to me and because we've talked about my acting, you know, and so when they were doing the last, this is why I told you how great I thought you were, when they were doing the last season of Entourage,

02:37:15.000 I meet with Doug at the Soho house, and he goes, listen, he goes, tell me what's been going on in your life.

02:37:23.000 I haven't seen you a lot, you know.

02:37:25.000 And I told him, it's been tough.

02:37:28.000 That was a really down time.

02:37:30.000 I never hurt for making a living because of all the millions of people I entertain, so there's always a core audience.

02:37:37.000 But I wasn't up there where I was at top of mind type of thing.

02:37:43.000 So he goes, listen to me.

02:37:44.000 He goes, I'm just going to tell you the truth.

02:37:46.000 I remember where I was when the Dangerfield special aired.

02:37:50.000 He goes, to me, you're the greatest comic ever, hands down.

02:37:56.000 He goes, I'm giving you the last season of Entourage.

02:38:00.000 And he goes, and that's going to air, and wait till you see, because he knew that I loved acting.

02:38:06.000 He goes, wait till you see where your career goes.

02:38:10.000 And the minute that thing aired, it was like the Rodney special.

02:38:13.000 Number one, I did a special right after it called Indestructible that I had my sons that have still Rebel Band, you know, open the show and they got to play one of their songs and they were phenomenal.

02:38:28.000 And I know we're wrapping up, but they're called It's Still Rebel Band.

02:38:32.000 People could go and look at them, but they're great musicians.

02:38:35.000 And so that was a thrill to do the special with my family and have Eleanor open and bring them on and they bring me on.

02:38:44.000 And from that, here comes Woody Allen.

02:38:48.000 Did Woody Allen ever think of giving dice?

02:38:52.000 A movie.

02:38:53.000 And everybody thought I was going to be nominated for this movie with Cate Blanchett and Sally Hawkins and Bobby Cannavale.

02:39:00.000 That's how we became friends.

02:39:02.000 So I started working and doing what I originally set out to do in the acting field all the way to working with Scorsese, The Greatest.

02:39:13.000 And then the biggest thing I did was A Star is Born with Bradley Cooper and Lady Gaga and And, you know, I would just say I'm finally, after everything I've gone through, all these fights, and because I didn't back down from it,

02:39:31.000 and I did go after it, and I'm not trying, even though I love the Rocky movies, it is true that you have to push forward and not back up and not just, oh, woe is me type of fucking thing, and go after the dream and believe in it.

02:39:47.000 And I've gotten to work with the greatest actors, actresses, directors, all the way to date, even doing, you know, working with Sebastian Stan in the new, when they did the Pam and Tommy series on Hulu recently.

02:40:04.000 And I'm going, this was the dream.

02:40:07.000 That was the dream.

02:40:08.000 Not the stand-up.

02:40:09.000 That was something I just started getting good at working on myself.

02:40:16.000 If you had to choose between one or the other, you'd take the actor.

02:40:19.000 Right now?

02:40:20.000 Yeah.

02:40:21.000 I would choose stand-up.

02:40:23.000 Because I have been having...

02:40:25.000 See, I do two types of shows.

02:40:26.000 I play...

02:40:27.000 You know, I do the big stages still, like Atlantic City.

02:40:30.000 I'm booked for all those.

02:40:31.000 I'm doing...

02:40:32.000 Of course, Diaz, he does Sony Hall, so I'm doing two shows there in June.

02:40:38.000 I just don't know the exact...

02:40:39.000 I think 16th and 17th of June.

02:40:41.000 I'm going to Hawaii.

02:40:43.000 But...

02:40:44.000 My favorite shows are the Club Dice shows, like I'm doing for you tomorrow, you know, because that's how it all started.

02:40:54.000 And the fans coming to see that are fans that did sit in the shitty seats, you know, in Section 200, where I'm the size of an ant, and they're going, all right, so, you know...

02:41:08.000 For a hundred bucks, I could come in, grab a couple beers, and sit 20 feet away from Dice and watch them work, you know?

02:41:15.000 And I just love it so much, and I feel I'm better at stand-up than I've ever been in my life, because I've got 45 years' experience of it.

02:41:24.000 Like, even, you know, when Starbucks started the whole thing about plastic, this fucking asshole who built a career, I think that's what I was doing at the Riv, You know, when I said, just talk about what people understand.

02:41:39.000 You know, talk about getting older.

02:41:41.000 Talk about waking up, you can't feel your fucking feet.

02:41:43.000 You open your eyes and you go, my fucking neck, fuck that guy with the pillow.

02:41:47.000 You know, and I go, talk about what people relate to.

02:41:52.000 So when that happened, and I go, no more plastic straws.

02:41:56.000 What about the cup?

02:41:58.000 I go, the fish are good with the cup, but, you know, somehow my straw is choking Moby fucking dick to death, you know, and I'm eating cardboard out of the cup now.

02:42:09.000 So it's just real stuff people relate to, like when I talk about the sex, and I'm not going to go into routines, but I'm just saying being real on stage.

02:42:20.000 So what you're saying is you're having fun.

02:42:22.000 I'm having a blast with this.

02:42:25.000 Beautiful.

02:42:25.000 And I'm doing too much, actually.

02:42:28.000 Where are you working out, primarily?

02:42:31.000 All over the country.

02:42:32.000 You're showing places?

02:42:34.000 Yeah, I just did Edmonton.

02:42:36.000 I just did Minneapolis.

02:42:38.000 I just did Arizona.

02:42:40.000 Right, that's where you're performing.

02:42:41.000 I'm going to Dallas next.

02:42:42.000 Are you working out anywhere?

02:42:43.000 Are you going up at the store?

02:42:45.000 No, because I've been in New York mostly, so sometimes I stop in at the cellar, but I'm working and doing so many fucking shows.

02:42:56.000 I mean, it's just like, oh, look at this hotel room.

02:42:59.000 You know, it's every city, the hotel.

02:43:01.000 That's what I can't take, the travel.

02:43:04.000 You know what I mean?

02:43:05.000 And I do deal with a lot with the fucking palsy face.

02:43:09.000 Like I said, it looks good, but it bothers.

02:43:11.000 The stiffness gets to me.

02:43:14.000 And you go to a town, you want to work out.

02:43:18.000 Well, there's a gym in the hotel.

02:43:19.000 I mean, your gym is one thing.

02:43:22.000 But I like to have the routine.

02:43:26.000 But I love entertaining the people.

02:43:29.000 And I love...

02:43:30.000 You know, like I said, I love the club dice shows.

02:43:33.000 I love the concerts.

02:43:35.000 But, you know, and I'm not doing, I'll do up to, I don't know, 2,500 seats will be about the max I'll do.

02:43:42.000 You know, but 300 seat is, 200 seat is the best.

02:43:48.000 I could go for two hours in those places, you know, because the audience is eating up.

02:43:54.000 Like, I could imagine, I know he's gone, but if Elvis was alive and doing little concerts, you know, in 500 seasons, I'd be there.

02:44:02.000 I'd want to see that.

02:44:03.000 Well, I think all the best comics agree that doing the clubs is kind of important.

02:44:09.000 It's everything.

02:44:10.000 You can't just do big places.

02:44:12.000 There's something about doing the clubs, like...

02:44:16.000 There's an intimacy.

02:44:17.000 There's a lack of bullshit.

02:44:20.000 It tightens up your material.

02:44:21.000 I'm gonna tell you, when I was doing all those arenas, and I know you do them now, I started getting claustrophobic, right?

02:44:29.000 After about three years.

02:44:31.000 It was hard to take.

02:44:32.000 So I get a call because I became great friends with Axel Rose and Guns N' Roses.

02:44:39.000 So Axel calls me and he's talking like common sense to me because he goes, I want you to open for me at the Rose Bowl.

02:44:48.000 In between Metallica and us, you know, I need you to open the show.

02:44:53.000 And I'm like, you know, I love you.

02:44:56.000 You're going to kill it.

02:44:57.000 I go, I can't do that anymore.

02:44:59.000 I go, it's too many people.

02:45:01.000 He goes, Dice, you just come out and look at the sky.

02:45:05.000 It'll be great.

02:45:06.000 And this is Axel, who's been called nutty, you know, talking common sense.

02:45:11.000 I go, you're right, it's outside.

02:45:14.000 Now, you're talking about a show that was 104, over 100,000 people.

02:45:18.000 104,000.

02:45:20.000 A little more than that.

02:45:22.000 And Metallica just did two hours.

02:45:26.000 And I'm backstage with the camera.

02:45:28.000 And the cameras were big back then.

02:45:30.000 And I'm filming Slash.

02:45:32.000 And he looks up, you know, and he goes, who's behind the camera?

02:45:36.000 I go, it's Dice.

02:45:38.000 I was just thinking, like, what are you going to say when you go out there?

02:45:43.000 Oh, that's really helping, man.

02:45:46.000 104,000 people.

02:45:48.000 Let me tell you, number one, it was one of the greatest moments of my entire career.

02:45:52.000 You know, and I walked out to Queen, We Will Rock You.

02:45:58.000 So the drum beats playing, you know, boom, boom.

02:46:00.000 The minute I walked out, I could have done two hours.

02:46:04.000 The whole stadium stood up for me.

02:46:06.000 I got to chill.

02:46:08.000 It was unreal.

02:46:10.000 And afterwards, they have after parties that are bigger than most concerts, and it's always a theme, and it was Casablanca, okay, with a 16-piece orchestra.

02:46:21.000 And I would always tease Matt Surum about, you're a good drummer, but, you know, you play rock and roll.

02:46:29.000 That's pretty simple, basic shit, you know.

02:46:33.000 But I would tease him, because he's obviously a great, great rock drummer.

02:46:38.000 And all Axl wanted to do after the show was just hang with me and sit at a little table with him and my girl and his girl.

02:46:46.000 And Serum is over there.

02:46:49.000 And I go, all right, all right, let's put this all to rest.

02:46:52.000 And I go over to the band, which is a big...

02:46:54.000 You got Marilyn Monroe's walking around, Humphrey Bogart's walking around.

02:47:00.000 And I go over to the band leader and I go, do you have the chart for Sing Sing Sing, which is a Benny Goodman song that the drums play a big part.

02:47:11.000 I'm sure...

02:47:12.000 You know the song, right?

02:47:15.000 So there's a big drum solo in that, like a tom-tom big thing.

02:47:19.000 And I get behind the set and I go nuts on the solo.

02:47:24.000 Like real big on the tom-tom, like Gene Krupa type of drumming.

02:47:28.000 And afterwards I come over and I hand serum the sticks and I go, show me when you could do that.

02:47:34.000 Because I'm playing the entire arrangement by heart.

02:47:38.000 The whole band is reading it off the chart.

02:47:40.000 I just know the song and I know how it goes.

02:47:44.000 And to experience that kind of moment is unreal, you know?

02:47:50.000 And then, you know, I don't think you would know this, but I was very...

02:47:57.000 I helped put that band back together.

02:48:01.000 That's why they're out there.

02:48:02.000 Really?

02:48:02.000 My son, Max, when he started playing drums, he was 11 years old at 15. He goes, Dad, you know...

02:48:10.000 Because he knew I was close with the band.

02:48:12.000 He goes, you know you're the only one that could put that band back together.

02:48:16.000 I go, why?

02:48:18.000 Why me?

02:48:19.000 He goes, because you don't gain anything.

02:48:23.000 I go, what do you mean?

02:48:24.000 He goes, you don't want anything.

02:48:25.000 And I didn't, you know.

02:48:27.000 I said, well, we'll see.

02:48:28.000 Maybe one day.

02:48:29.000 So now, years later, I'm touring Australia.

02:48:33.000 And the minute I got there at the hotel I was staying at, they're Slash having breakfast and sitting out on the porch on the rooftop of this whatever city I was in in Australia that I landed in.

02:48:47.000 The main city.

02:48:50.000 Sydney?

02:48:51.000 Melbourne?

02:48:52.000 Sydney.

02:48:52.000 So I come over behind him.

02:48:54.000 I go, yeah, because I was still smoking back then.

02:48:57.000 Mind if I smoke?

02:48:59.000 He goes, yeah, and he goes, nice!

02:49:01.000 And he gets all excited and we start talking.

02:49:04.000 So now it gets to a part.

02:49:06.000 I said, so what happened with the band?

02:49:09.000 What are you doing here?

02:49:11.000 He goes, well, I'm playing the Star Spangled Banner at the football game today.

02:49:16.000 And I look at him, I go, really?

02:49:20.000 That's what you did a 17-hour flight for?

02:49:23.000 I go, that's big.

02:49:26.000 And he goes, What's wrong with that?

02:49:28.000 I go, you had the greatest rock band in the world.

02:49:32.000 What happened?

02:49:33.000 He goes, well, I did hear Axl's been showing up for his shows at the Hard Rock in Vegas.

02:49:38.000 I said, yeah, I closed the last one for him.

02:49:41.000 I opened the last one for him at the joint in Vegas.

02:49:47.000 And I go, so wait a minute.

02:49:48.000 So you mean to tell me this band is not together?

02:49:52.000 Millions of new fans, forget the old fans, don't get to hear the band because probably one of the top three greatest frontmen ever.

02:50:04.000 Shows up late for some of the shows, and that's why you took a 17-hour fucking flight to play their fucking national anthem like an asshole?

02:50:14.000 And he starts laughing.

02:50:17.000 Okay, so now I'm in it.

02:50:19.000 I come back to the States.

02:50:23.000 I call Duff.

02:50:26.000 Who I was more friendly with than the whole band and asked him to come check out my sons on Burbank Boulevard.

02:50:33.000 They were playing a club.

02:50:34.000 And so he comes with his wife.

02:50:37.000 And the band was really tight at that time.

02:50:40.000 This was before pandemic, you know.

02:50:42.000 And he stayed through the whole set.

02:50:44.000 Because let me tell you something, with a rock star, if they don't like what they're hearing, we got to get home.

02:50:49.000 We got a babysitter.

02:50:51.000 You know the deal.

02:50:52.000 If you see a shit comic, I got to go.

02:50:54.000 I got to be up 6 in the morning.

02:50:56.000 Okay.

02:50:56.000 He turns around to me, he goes, they're ready.

02:50:58.000 You know, he loved the band.

02:51:00.000 That's awesome.

02:51:01.000 And he's sitting this close to where my son Dylan is playing lead guitar and singing, which Dylan couldn't get past.

02:51:08.000 It was amazing.

02:51:09.000 I wouldn't be able to do it, you know.

02:51:12.000 The next day, we go to Starbucks.

02:51:14.000 It's me, him, Tom Mayhew, who was the road manager, and my son, Max, who's the drummer in our band.

02:51:24.000 So we're talking about the next move to put G&R back together.

02:51:29.000 So Tom is like, well, the thing is, every time Slash puts out a tweet, it's always condescending.

02:51:39.000 I said, well, that's what's got to get fixed because Duff was all in.

02:51:45.000 He's just a regular great guy, one of the greatest bass players.

02:51:49.000 I love him.

02:51:52.000 So now Slash puts out the tweet that Axl's one of the greatest players.

02:51:59.000 Next thing you know, I'm at the Troubadour with my sons and the VIP seeing their first show ever where Axl broke his ankle during that show and kept going.

02:52:10.000 Nobody knew he broke it.

02:52:11.000 He fell off the fucking speaker that he stands on.

02:52:15.000 But it always just brings me a lot of joy that they put that band back together because they're so incredible.

02:52:24.000 It's like millions of people.

02:52:26.000 That's them at the Troubadour.

02:52:28.000 Yeah, I was at that show.

02:52:29.000 I was in the balcony.

02:52:31.000 We could all thank Dice.

02:52:32.000 Well, the only one I ever talked to about was Rolling Stone.

02:52:36.000 I never needed, you know, really people to know that.

02:52:41.000 I just get a lot of joy, because my sons know.

02:52:43.000 Listen, it's great.

02:52:44.000 I'm a giant fan.

02:52:46.000 They're fucking awesome.

02:52:46.000 They were fucking awesome.

02:52:48.000 That was my favorite lifting music.

02:52:50.000 Exactly.

02:52:51.000 Welcome to the jungle.

02:52:52.000 Exactly.

02:52:53.000 Jungle, Paradise City.

02:52:55.000 Sweet child of mine.

02:52:57.000 Come on, man.

02:52:58.000 They have some jams.

02:52:59.000 Dice, I've got to wrap this up.

02:53:00.000 I've got to get out of here.

02:53:02.000 I appreciate you.

02:53:02.000 I love you very much.

02:53:03.000 Thank you for coming here.

02:53:04.000 Let's go.

02:53:05.000 I've got to leave, too.

02:53:06.000 Dice Clay, ladies and gentlemen.

02:53:08.000 Me and Jerry are going to go eat some.

02:53:09.000 Bye, everybody.

The Joe Rogan Experience - May 24, 2023

Joe Rogan Experience #1989 - Andrew Dice Clay

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