The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #1991

00:00:01.000 Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out!

00:00:04.000 The Joe Rogan Experience.

00:00:06.000 Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day.

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00:00:30.000 I was already smoking it.

00:00:31.000 I just bullied you into smoking it.

00:00:33.000 You can't bully me when I'm already doing it.

00:00:34.000 He's bullying and he's not doing it.

00:00:36.000 He bullied him and he didn't do it.

00:00:38.000 Shane is the king of that.

00:00:41.000 Here's my only impression of Shane.

00:00:43.000 You won't.

00:00:44.000 Yeah, you won't do that.

00:00:46.000 Whatever's brought up, you won't.

00:00:48.000 You have my favorite childish humor.

00:00:50.000 It's so fun.

00:00:51.000 And it works, too.

00:00:52.000 It's very fun to be childish.

00:00:53.000 You won't do that, dude.

00:00:56.000 It's very fun to be childish.

00:00:58.000 He's dumb.

00:01:00.000 He's like, give me that shit!

00:01:01.000 I'll do it right now!

00:01:02.000 I'll cut myself.

00:01:03.000 Well, he's jet-lagged.

00:01:03.000 He came from another country.

00:01:05.000 I can't believe you're doing this.

00:01:06.000 He had a day to rest.

00:01:07.000 Yeah, I had Athens.

00:01:09.000 Fucking five hours.

00:01:10.000 Did you go see the Acropolis?

00:01:12.000 I did.

00:01:13.000 Wow, shit, huh?

00:01:14.000 It's so cool.

00:01:15.000 What's Acropolis?

00:01:17.000 It's like a bunch of fucking rubble.

00:01:19.000 Oh.

00:01:20.000 The Acropolis is the base.

00:01:23.000 The Parthenon is the building, correct?

00:01:24.000 Yes.

00:01:25.000 Dude, I tell you, I looked up that a bunch of times when I was there, and I still don't know.

00:01:29.000 Nobody knows.

00:01:30.000 Yeah.

00:01:30.000 No idea.

00:01:31.000 Yeah, the Acropolis is the building.

00:01:33.000 The Parthenon is what it's built on.

00:01:36.000 Oh, interesting.

00:01:37.000 The Greeks were gay.

00:01:38.000 Greeks were gay.

00:01:41.000 Okay, the Acropolis of Athens is an ancient citadel located on a rocky outcrop.

00:01:46.000 Wait a minute, which one is the Acropolis and which one is the Parthenon?

00:01:50.000 I think that...

00:01:52.000 Oh yeah, I don't know.

00:01:53.000 I think the Acropolis is the building, and the Parthenon is what it's built on.

00:01:57.000 The most famous thing.

00:01:58.000 The Acropolis is, I think, the entire thing, and the Parthenon is one of the buildings as a part of it.

00:02:02.000 But what's the structure that it sits on?

00:02:04.000 What's the Parthenon?

00:02:05.000 Yeah, Google that.

00:02:06.000 I'm pretty sure the Par...

00:02:07.000 One of them...

00:02:08.000 That's that one.

00:02:09.000 Okay.

00:02:10.000 That's under construction now.

00:02:10.000 So the Parthenon is the building, the Acropolis...

00:02:13.000 Build it back up, they realize it wasn't finished.

00:02:15.000 There's scaffolding everywhere.

00:02:17.000 Wow.

00:02:17.000 The roof fell off.

00:02:18.000 How about that Stamos?

00:02:20.000 The centerpiece.

00:02:21.000 The fixer-upper, for sure.

00:02:23.000 So, okay.

00:02:24.000 The Parthenon is a former temple of the Athenian necropolis, Greece, that was dedicated to the goddess Athena during the 5th century BC. All those people were tripping balls, you know.

00:02:33.000 Goddess of beauty.

00:02:34.000 Yeah, there's a great book on it.

00:02:37.000 The Immortality Key by this guy Brian Mororescu.

00:02:40.000 It actually opened up a field of study at Harvard.

00:02:42.000 This guy wrote a book about how they always suspected that their wine was laced with something, but then they got definitive proof because they found old vessels, and they tested these vessels, and they found ergot in them, which is a fungus that has LSD-like effects.

00:02:59.000 Wow.

00:03:00.000 So they made up that they were gods?

00:03:02.000 Dude, that must have fucked them up.

00:03:04.000 That's where they came up with everything.

00:03:05.000 That's where they came up with democracy.

00:03:06.000 They came up with so much from tripping balls.

00:03:08.000 It makes sense.

00:03:09.000 He hit this rock and it became a spring.

00:03:12.000 Tripping balls.

00:03:13.000 To fight him, he hit a rock and it became a tree.

00:03:15.000 All those old people were tripping balls.

00:03:17.000 And what they were doing was hiding it from the Romans.

00:03:19.000 And they had to move away.

00:03:21.000 They started going into other countries when they got kicked out of Greece.

00:03:25.000 They moved the Eleusinian mysteries all over the world.

00:03:29.000 The what mysteries?

00:03:31.000 Eleusis.

00:03:32.000 Eleusinian mysteries.

00:03:33.000 All the zoo stuff?

00:03:34.000 All the fucking, all the trip ball stuff.

00:03:39.000 People like scholars from all over the world would go there and participate in these rituals.

00:03:44.000 And they would just trip their fucking brains out and figure things out.

00:03:48.000 How about those grape leaves?

00:03:50.000 I don't think that had anything to do with it.

00:03:52.000 Those are just leaves.

00:03:54.000 Yeah.

00:03:55.000 They're not great.

00:03:56.000 They're not great.

00:03:56.000 Overrated.

00:03:57.000 Ray overrated.

00:03:58.000 Really?

00:03:59.000 You get a dip in tzatziki to make it even edible.

00:04:01.000 They're pretty bland.

00:04:02.000 Yeah, they got the same food as Middle Eastern.

00:04:05.000 A lot of pita, kebab, hummus.

00:04:09.000 Fucking delicious.

00:04:10.000 Or as David Tell calls it, terrorist peanut butter.

00:04:13.000 His joke.

00:04:16.000 Yeah.

00:04:17.000 So did you have fun?

00:04:18.000 Oh, it was a blast.

00:04:18.000 Did you have a good time?

00:04:20.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:04:21.000 Athens is a cool city.

00:04:22.000 Did you get away from the tourist?

00:04:23.000 Did you get to hike?

00:04:23.000 I did get to walk and hike.

00:04:25.000 Yeah, it's a big national park in the middle.

00:04:27.000 It's like Central Park.

00:04:28.000 You walk through it at night.

00:04:29.000 Yeah, a park's a park, though.

00:04:30.000 Looking for rapists, what?

00:04:31.000 You like to hike?

00:04:33.000 I don't know why I don't like hikes.

00:04:35.000 Did you protect those parks in Athens?

00:04:38.000 People have asked me about the parks.

00:04:40.000 Yeah, everyone you try to protect goes away.

00:04:42.000 I saw one somewhere, like, have you protected any parks lately?

00:04:44.000 And I was like, no, I've only failed in protecting any parks.

00:04:47.000 We've only tried one.

00:04:48.000 Yeah.

00:04:48.000 Utter failure.

00:04:49.000 But sometimes it's your first time trying to protect a park.

00:04:52.000 True.

00:04:52.000 Why do you like parks?

00:04:54.000 Your third joyous place?

00:04:56.000 He's a city dork.

00:04:57.000 It's the only nature he gets.

00:04:59.000 They stink.

00:05:01.000 It's the only nature he's allowed.

00:05:02.000 I took my nephew to a park.

00:05:03.000 I just looked like a fucking pedophile the whole time.

00:05:05.000 Even with a little tiny park.

00:05:06.000 Yeah.

00:05:07.000 With a swing set.

00:05:08.000 Yeah, I just took a little park.

00:05:09.000 I was just yelling at him.

00:05:10.000 You're not allowed to go without a kid.

00:05:12.000 Yeah, a lot of these places.

00:05:13.000 Right.

00:05:13.000 Yeah, that's weird.

00:05:15.000 Going to a park and just watching kids.

00:05:16.000 Boy, I love watching kids interact.

00:05:19.000 Yeah!

00:05:20.000 You can't, you can't.

00:05:21.000 So innocent.

00:05:22.000 You have to go with your own kid.

00:05:23.000 Dog parks, you can't enjoy.

00:05:24.000 Dog parks, you can't go in without a dog.

00:05:26.000 Is that right?

00:05:27.000 You probably can.

00:05:27.000 No.

00:05:27.000 They won't stop you, but the rule is you can't go in without a dog.

00:05:30.000 Oh, really?

00:05:31.000 Is it the rule?

00:05:31.000 Yeah.

00:05:32.000 Is it written?

00:05:33.000 Yeah.

00:05:34.000 So it's written, so it's told.

00:05:36.000 It is written.

00:05:37.000 That's the only way I know it.

00:05:39.000 My niece's nephews are black, and my dad took them to the park by himself.

00:05:45.000 My niece was on the swings, and she was like, slap me, pappy, slap it.

00:05:49.000 He was down there pushing her ass.

00:05:51.000 Pretty funny, right?

00:05:52.000 People are looking at it like, what the fuck is going on here?

00:05:55.000 Slap me, Pappy.

00:05:56.000 Yeah, she's like, slap it, Pappy.

00:05:58.000 He's like, Jesus Christ.

00:05:59.000 I can see there's a playground outside my apartment, and a mom was on her phone the whole time pushing this kid on a swing.

00:06:06.000 It killed me.

00:06:07.000 Could so easily steal a kid.

00:06:08.000 I know!

00:06:09.000 They're all so distracted.

00:06:10.000 Now's the time.

00:06:11.000 Yeah.

00:06:12.000 My friend almost got his kid stolen from a park.

00:06:15.000 What?

00:06:15.000 Yeah.

00:06:16.000 He noticed at the last minute that someone was calling his kid towards a truck.

00:06:22.000 Brian Laundrie.

00:06:23.000 And he stopped it.

00:06:25.000 He ran out and stopped it.

00:06:26.000 But I think he was just not paying attention for a brief period of time.

00:06:29.000 Whoa!

00:06:29.000 And somebody tried to steal his kid.

00:06:31.000 I got a hit on my pedophile as a youth.

00:06:34.000 The thing is, it does happen.

00:06:35.000 It sounds so insane, but it actually does happen.

00:06:39.000 People steal children.

00:06:40.000 Because that kid will forget.

00:06:41.000 This might be crazy enough to work.

00:06:43.000 That kid will forget.

00:06:44.000 Jesus Christ, what a horrible thought.

00:06:46.000 Remember milk carton kids?

00:06:47.000 That was a big thing.

00:06:49.000 I think a lot of them are stolen by the parent.

00:06:52.000 That's almost all the stats of abducted kids are just the dads.

00:06:56.000 People use their kids as leverage to get back at the spouse.

00:07:01.000 Yikes.

00:07:01.000 You know, like the husband and the wife get divorced, and the wife won't let the husband see the kid, and he yells at her, I want my fucking kids.

00:07:07.000 You won't let that whore in the house with her.

00:07:10.000 Oh, boy.

00:07:10.000 That would be nice, getting so, like, hammered, just going to your fucking ex-wife's house.

00:07:14.000 I don't want to see my fucking son, you bitch.

00:07:19.000 Daddy, no!

00:07:20.000 There's a horrible video of a guy getting shot doing that.

00:07:23.000 Oh, really?

00:07:23.000 What?

00:07:24.000 He goes to the house where his kid lives, and there's a guy there, and the guy and the wife are there, and he's yelling, and the guy's getting, get off my fucking property, and the guy's a big guy, and he gets in his face, and the guy goes and gets an AR, and they struggle with the AR. No!

00:07:39.000 They struggle with the gun briefly, and then the guy lights him up.

00:07:42.000 That's a good dad.

00:07:43.000 And he lights him up in front of the guy's mom, who's also there.

00:07:48.000 Wait, who shot who?

00:07:50.000 The biological father got shot by the stepdad?

00:07:53.000 Yes, the stepdad.

00:07:54.000 Stepdad, who's a smaller guy.

00:07:56.000 The biological dad's a big guy.

00:07:58.000 Why would you get close enough with an AR for some other guy to grab it?

00:08:02.000 I think he was just trying to threaten him.

00:08:05.000 Like, if he pulled out a gun, the guy would be like, that's it.

00:08:07.000 Okay, you got a gun.

00:08:08.000 I'm gonna leave now.

00:08:09.000 But this guy was an idiot.

00:08:11.000 I've seen quite a few of those.

00:08:13.000 People get nutty, and they don't understand risk, and they don't understand danger, even just with fights, when they get in people's face.

00:08:20.000 Yeah, man, fuck you!

00:08:21.000 Well, fuck you!

00:08:22.000 Yeah, do something, man.

00:08:23.000 You literally don't know how to fight, and you're about to engage in one of the most dangerous things that people can do other than using weapons.

00:08:30.000 Yep.

00:08:31.000 Happens all the time.

00:08:31.000 But I saw a video the other day of this guy.

00:08:34.000 They're in front of like a truck.

00:08:36.000 And this guy's yelling at this guy, come on pussy, fight like a man.

00:08:38.000 I saw that one.

00:08:39.000 He takes his shirt off and the guy just shoots him.

00:08:40.000 What?

00:08:41.000 Oh, I didn't see that one.

00:08:42.000 Holy shit.

00:08:43.000 I didn't see that one at all.

00:08:44.000 The guy just shoots him.

00:08:44.000 The guy's got a gun out.

00:08:45.000 The guy's got a gun out and he's like, stop.

00:08:47.000 And the guy's like, come on pussy.

00:08:48.000 He takes his shirt off while the guy has a gun out.

00:08:50.000 Who's the machine?

00:08:50.000 And he comes towards him and he just, boom.

00:08:52.000 Nope.

00:08:53.000 Wow.

00:08:53.000 The guy goes down screaming.

00:08:54.000 The guy died.

00:08:55.000 That's right.

00:08:56.000 Yeah.

00:08:56.000 What happened?

00:08:57.000 Indiana Jones.

00:08:58.000 It was just like enough.

00:08:58.000 Oh, Indiana Jones.

00:08:59.000 Yeah.

00:09:00.000 What, did he have a whip or something?

00:09:01.000 No, he had like a sword.

00:09:03.000 Yeah, he had a sword.

00:09:04.000 You know, that was like a supposedly like, no, it wasn't supposed to happen.

00:09:08.000 Adlib?

00:09:09.000 Yeah.

00:09:10.000 Oh.

00:09:11.000 He was high all the time.

00:09:11.000 Harrison Ford, he gets high all the time.

00:09:13.000 Was he?

00:09:13.000 No.

00:09:14.000 I don't know about then, but now he's just high all day.

00:09:16.000 He's really depressed.

00:09:17.000 I think when you get older, that's the move.

00:09:20.000 You can't control this world.

00:09:21.000 He knows what he does.

00:09:22.000 It's so out of control and it's so not what you grew up with.

00:09:24.000 You're like, what?

00:09:25.000 What's the kids these days?

00:09:26.000 What is happening?

00:09:27.000 You're changing genders.

00:09:28.000 Just get high.

00:09:29.000 Just get high and just go through life spaced out.

00:09:32.000 Indiana stoned.

00:09:33.000 Oh, there we go.

00:09:34.000 His alternative pastime.

00:09:35.000 His wife is hideous.

00:09:37.000 Hey, how dare you?

00:09:39.000 That's not his wife, that's Chewbacca, you son of a bitch.

00:09:42.000 Jesus Christ.

00:09:44.000 He's got that gay earring, too, still.

00:09:46.000 So he's a lifelong stoner?

00:09:48.000 Is that what it says?

00:09:49.000 You ever see Scrape take that kid, steal that kid?

00:09:52.000 Scrape?

00:09:52.000 This guy scraped.

00:09:53.000 They shot a video.

00:09:54.000 They just, like, distracted someone and grabbed their kid.

00:09:56.000 And they go, no, no, I'm just kidding.

00:09:57.000 I'm just kidding.

00:09:58.000 They gave the kid back.

00:09:59.000 It was great.

00:09:59.000 It was so funny.

00:10:00.000 Jesus Christ.

00:10:01.000 What was funny?

00:10:02.000 What?

00:10:02.000 What was funny?

00:10:03.000 That they stole the kid, and the parents are freaking out, and they're like, no, I'm kidding.

00:10:07.000 Ari always wanted to be stolen when he was a child.

00:10:09.000 Yeah, I did.

00:10:10.000 Definitely.

00:10:10.000 Went to you in, like, a shitty cult?

00:10:11.000 I wanted to go to a Christian family.

00:10:13.000 It's called Jewish.

00:10:14.000 Have you ever heard Metzger talk about his cult life?

00:10:16.000 A little bit.

00:10:17.000 Yeah, Jehovah.

00:10:17.000 Wild shit.

00:10:18.000 Yeah.

00:10:19.000 It explains a lot.

00:10:20.000 Wild shit.

00:10:21.000 Well, it explains a lot how he won't tolerate any bullshit.

00:10:24.000 He hates religion.

00:10:25.000 He'll call me sometimes, like, what about Abel?

00:10:28.000 What about Abel?

00:10:29.000 I'm like, alright, let's go.

00:10:31.000 He knows I know enough.

00:10:32.000 He will rant.

00:10:33.000 You send a text to Massacre, be prepared for a fucking scroll.

00:10:36.000 17 straight.

00:10:39.000 But anytime there's some fucking fuckery, some shenanigans with words, some weird thing they're trying to pull on you, Metzger gets furious.

00:10:47.000 Because he grew up in a cult.

00:10:49.000 So he's like, I know what the fuck this is.

00:10:51.000 I can't notice this?

00:10:53.000 I can't pay attention to this?

00:10:54.000 If I talk about this, I'm a bad guy?

00:10:55.000 That's his joke.

00:10:56.000 He goes, they told you you can't masturbate.

00:10:58.000 Do you know what would happen to you if you don't masturbate?

00:11:00.000 No one does, because everyone masturbates, including the people who told us you can't masturbate.

00:11:05.000 I just watched a cult documentary, that Korean guy.

00:11:08.000 You see that one?

00:11:09.000 No.

00:11:09.000 Jamie, you see that one?

00:11:10.000 It's like in the name of the Holy Father or something.

00:11:12.000 Pull it up, Korean cult.

00:11:14.000 This Korean dude just started a cult, but one of his things was...

00:11:16.000 North or south?

00:11:17.000 He made everybody south.

00:11:19.000 Watch him.

00:11:19.000 He would play soccer in the cult, and he would score like 70 goals.

00:11:24.000 He said he was God.

00:11:25.000 He fucked everybody.

00:11:26.000 Oh, God.

00:11:27.000 Of course he fucked everybody.

00:11:28.000 Yeah, he was fucking everybody.

00:11:29.000 It always goes to fucking.

00:11:30.000 And they always fall for it.

00:11:31.000 No, I'm talking about everybody.

00:11:32.000 Dude, my favorite cult movie is the movie about the building I bought.

00:11:35.000 Holy hell.

00:11:36.000 It's a fucking amazing cult documentary.

00:11:39.000 What?

00:11:39.000 It's so crazy.

00:11:40.000 Who, huh?

00:11:41.000 Do you know the story?

00:11:42.000 No.

00:11:42.000 The building that I bought originally for the mothership was a place called the One World Theater.

00:11:46.000 And that One World Theater was built by a cult so that their leader could dance in front of them.

00:11:51.000 Literally.

00:11:52.000 Wow.

00:11:52.000 They put on these performances.

00:11:53.000 They documented it all.

00:11:55.000 This guy filmed everything.

00:11:57.000 And this crazy dude who was a gay porn star.

00:12:00.000 He looks so gay.

00:12:01.000 He's so gay.

00:12:03.000 But that's his older self.

00:12:06.000 He's already getting old then.

00:12:09.000 If you see the videos of him when he was young, he was a beautiful man.

00:12:12.000 He was this really gorgeous, ripped yoga instructor.

00:12:17.000 And he started this cult in West Hollywood called the Buddha Field.

00:12:20.000 And then they moved it out to Austin.

00:12:23.000 Let me see the penises.

00:12:28.000 They wouldn't let that lady get close.

00:12:32.000 Like, you'd be lower.

00:12:33.000 It's like a fucking Bud Light commercial.

00:12:34.000 He had all these boys with him, and he fucked all of them.

00:12:38.000 He's not gay?

00:12:39.000 Oh, he's gay.

00:12:40.000 He was a gay porn star, but he had girls in there too.

00:12:44.000 I think girls is how he got straight guys to come to the cult.

00:12:48.000 Smart.

00:12:48.000 Because he fucked all the straight guys.

00:12:50.000 Ladies night.

00:12:51.000 Were he convinced them?

00:12:52.000 No, he went to his nipples.

00:12:54.000 You should watch the documentary.

00:12:56.000 He gave them therapy.

00:12:57.000 He was a hypnotist.

00:12:58.000 He was a hypnotist.

00:12:59.000 So he gave them therapy and then he'd fuck them.

00:13:01.000 And he charged them for the therapy.

00:13:03.000 Whoa.

00:13:03.000 Charged them 50 bucks.

00:13:04.000 And he owned the mothership.

00:13:05.000 No, he owned the One World Theater.

00:13:07.000 I see.

00:13:09.000 The people that I was buying it from were people that used to be in the cult.

00:13:12.000 Got it.

00:13:13.000 Now they owned it.

00:13:14.000 But that was the original location for it.

00:13:17.000 Yeah.

00:13:18.000 That's nuts.

00:13:18.000 I gotta support these dudes.

00:13:19.000 I love it.

00:13:20.000 I was watching that Korean guy and I was like, this guy, fuck it.

00:13:22.000 He had 900 women as cheerleaders.

00:13:24.000 The stadium would be packed and he'd score 80 goals.

00:13:27.000 That's funny.

00:13:28.000 And people were like, we gotta arrest this son of a bitch.

00:13:30.000 I was like, dude, this guy's dominating.

00:13:31.000 He rules.

00:13:32.000 He rules.

00:13:33.000 Did they kill him?

00:13:33.000 Did you see the guy in Australia?

00:13:35.000 No, hold on.

00:13:35.000 They captured him at the end.

00:13:36.000 He's in a tent with two girls.

00:13:38.000 And they, like, live camera.

00:13:40.000 They're like, what are you doing back here?

00:13:41.000 He's got a boner.

00:13:41.000 And he's like...

00:13:42.000 Stay out.

00:13:42.000 Get out of here.

00:13:43.000 That's how they got him?

00:13:44.000 Yeah, they got him with a boner.

00:13:45.000 Boy, it goes from 90 goals scoring to being in a tent with two girls.

00:13:48.000 The last scragglers.

00:13:50.000 The last ones.

00:13:51.000 Yeah, it was tough.

00:13:52.000 Still having a fucking three-way in a tent.

00:13:55.000 Sweaty.

00:13:56.000 That's pretty awesome.

00:13:56.000 Good point.

00:13:57.000 Which he dominated.

00:13:58.000 That's an MVP performance.

00:13:59.000 Dude.

00:14:00.000 You gotta see his soccer eyes.

00:14:02.000 They would line up like 15 people in the goal.

00:14:04.000 He'd be like, I can still score on them.

00:14:06.000 They would all like get out of the way.

00:14:07.000 Isn't it wild that everybody knows about cults, but yet people can still form cults and get people to join them?

00:14:14.000 I want to go in for a week and just see if they'd get me.

00:14:17.000 Knowing, to any cult, just knowing, I'm like, I know what this is, but let me see if they get me.

00:14:21.000 You escaped Judaism.

00:14:22.000 Cut to you getting fucked in the ass.

00:14:25.000 Like two days later, it happened quick, man.

00:14:27.000 They made some good points.

00:14:29.000 You were like a serious Orthodox Jew.

00:14:31.000 If you got out of that.

00:14:33.000 That's a cult.

00:14:33.000 Which is like a respected cult.

00:14:35.000 It's a respected one.

00:14:36.000 Cult 45. I was in for a while.

00:14:40.000 I might get out of this, too.

00:14:42.000 Indianapolis cult?

00:14:43.000 They hit you with a low-protein diet?

00:14:46.000 Well, that's the question of when does it become a cult?

00:14:51.000 Is Christianity a cult?

00:14:52.000 Is Catholicism a cult?

00:14:53.000 Oh, they're all cults.

00:14:54.000 Yeah, if you want to look at the technical term.

00:14:56.000 What makes a cult versus religion?

00:14:58.000 You're not watching some Korean guy fuck everybody and score 70 goals.

00:15:01.000 Those are the religions of the cult.

00:15:04.000 But that's why they didn't last.

00:15:05.000 They went too hard.

00:15:06.000 Tell that to the Catholics.

00:15:08.000 That's what I'm saying.

00:15:09.000 That's a good cult.

00:15:10.000 They figured it out.

00:15:11.000 Good marketing.

00:15:11.000 They figured out how to make the Vatican a country.

00:15:14.000 It's the wildest shit ever.

00:15:16.000 You got a hundred acre country in the middle of your city.

00:15:21.000 It's very nice.

00:15:22.000 The difference between a cult and a religion is the same difference between a town and a city.

00:15:26.000 Well, the cult is the people that can't keep it together and the guy fucks everyone's wife.

00:15:29.000 Yes.

00:15:30.000 The religions, they just- Too early.

00:15:31.000 Fuck your kids, yeah.

00:15:32.000 Yeah.

00:15:33.000 Well, how many preachers are banging people's wives?

00:15:35.000 So many.

00:15:36.000 I forget about it.

00:15:37.000 A lot.

00:15:38.000 We had a guy in a community who said the girls had to do a ritual bath to get clean.

00:15:41.000 He fucking peeped a hole and videotaped him.

00:15:43.000 There's a ritual bath?

00:15:45.000 Yeah, there's a ritual bath.

00:15:46.000 To get clean?

00:15:46.000 Oh my God.

00:15:47.000 To get clean?

00:15:48.000 Of course.

00:15:48.000 Yikes.

00:15:49.000 That's what I was skipping over.

00:15:50.000 Those New York Jews gotta take a couple more ritual baths, dude.

00:15:53.000 That's true.

00:15:54.000 They're slacking, dude.

00:15:56.000 They don't wash our clothes.

00:15:59.000 Do you think Joel Osteen's fucking mom's Oh, good question.

00:16:03.000 I bet he is.

00:16:04.000 Because you know he could.

00:16:06.000 So knowing he could and knowing what you know about men.

00:16:08.000 But he might be gay.

00:16:10.000 But the amount of women that must throw themselves at him because he's a superstar and he's a man of God.

00:16:14.000 Is there any hotter sex than religious sex?

00:16:17.000 Father, really hot believer.

00:16:20.000 But if you can't get her off, that's a letdown.

00:16:23.000 No, it's like you sinned.

00:16:25.000 God, you sinned.

00:16:26.000 That's why you didn't get her off.

00:16:27.000 Smart.

00:16:27.000 God would have let you.

00:16:28.000 He puts it on you.

00:16:29.000 Yeah.

00:16:31.000 What have you done wrong this week?

00:16:32.000 Ta doesn't let me eat pussy.

00:16:35.000 I'm on a strict diet this week, and you stink.

00:16:41.000 There's something about a crazy hot believer.

00:16:44.000 You both believe in the same nonsense.

00:16:46.000 She's crazy hot, and you're just like, Jesus wants me to suck your cock.

00:16:49.000 So hot.

00:16:50.000 I agree with Jesus.

00:16:52.000 Jesus told you that?

00:16:53.000 Well, I can't argue with Jesus.

00:16:54.000 You talk to God?

00:16:56.000 Yeah.

00:16:56.000 God's given me an exception.

00:16:58.000 Imagine God just tests you with an exception.

00:17:01.000 I'm going to put it in God's hole.

00:17:03.000 That's what we used to do in Catholic school, the old anal.

00:17:05.000 But God's hole, yeah.

00:17:06.000 Doesn't count.

00:17:07.000 Yeah.

00:17:08.000 Those Catholic gals.

00:17:09.000 That is so wild that someone found that fucking workaround.

00:17:12.000 The wildest was the Mormons.

00:17:14.000 It was just guys trying to fuck Catholic chicks.

00:17:17.000 Catholic chicks trying to get fucked, and they're like, this has got to be something we can work out here.

00:17:20.000 The Mormons are the docking.

00:17:29.000 I wonder who gets to choose who's the top foreskin?

00:17:33.000 That's a good question.

00:17:34.000 You should rock, paper, scissors for that.

00:17:38.000 Sword fight.

00:17:39.000 I'd rather be the small spoon.

00:17:42.000 He'd rather be inside.

00:17:43.000 It feels better.

00:17:43.000 Oh, you want to be inside.

00:17:46.000 Yeah, it would feel better.

00:17:47.000 It's more dominant.

00:17:48.000 Yeah, why would you what?

00:17:49.000 It's more dominant to have your skin around it, dude.

00:17:51.000 It is more dominant.

00:17:52.000 I'm talking strictly the feel.

00:17:53.000 But it's also so ridiculous, like, go ahead, do that, you fucking world.

00:17:56.000 And then you just stand and stare at each other.

00:17:58.000 What are you doing, bro?

00:18:00.000 What are you doing?

00:18:01.000 No, no, no.

00:18:01.000 I'm fucking your dick.

00:18:03.000 You're not wrapping your dick around my dick.

00:18:05.000 No, I'm sucking in your dick.

00:18:07.000 No, no, no.

00:18:07.000 I'm fucking your dick.

00:18:09.000 Oh, I don't know, man.

00:18:09.000 I think I'm sucking in your dick.

00:18:11.000 You might be sucking my dick, but I'm fucking your dick.

00:18:14.000 I'm definitely sucking your dick.

00:18:16.000 Well, it's like when I fuck your mouth.

00:18:18.000 You might be sucking my dick, but I'm fucking your mouth.

00:18:21.000 Jesus Christ.

00:18:22.000 Look at that clip.

00:18:26.000 The worst part about docking is it's got to be face to face.

00:18:29.000 Face to face is great.

00:18:29.000 You mean the best part?

00:18:32.000 Yeah.

00:18:33.000 You go like this.

00:18:33.000 Dan Henderson, you know Dan Henderson, fucking one of the elite MMA fighters of all time.

00:18:37.000 He was at my show in New York City once.

00:18:39.000 He likes docking?

00:18:40.000 This hacker was talking.

00:18:41.000 I said to the hacker, hey, if you don't shut the fuck up, I'm going to have Dan Henderson hold you down and fuck your girl right in front of you.

00:18:48.000 And Dan Henderson goes, why would I hold him down when I could just stare him down?

00:18:52.000 Damn!

00:18:54.000 I remember that.

00:18:55.000 You remember that?

00:18:56.000 It was nuts.

00:18:57.000 There was like a chill in the room.

00:18:59.000 Like, oh, you could.

00:19:00.000 It was so real.

00:19:02.000 Wow.

00:19:03.000 If a guy took one step forward, like, hey, stop fucking my wife.

00:19:06.000 Okay.

00:19:07.000 Fucker.

00:19:07.000 Dan Henderson's a fucking animal.

00:19:09.000 Just the fact that he could come up with that on the fly.

00:19:12.000 Yeah.

00:19:13.000 He thinks like that.

00:19:15.000 He said that before.

00:19:16.000 Why would I hold him down when I could just stare him down?

00:19:18.000 That's terrifying.

00:19:19.000 The wife is like, all right, let's do this.

00:19:22.000 It was a joke.

00:19:23.000 Was the heckler even that bad?

00:19:25.000 Because he was out of control.

00:19:27.000 The guy was out of control.

00:19:28.000 His wife was out of control.

00:19:29.000 They were both out of control.

00:19:29.000 Caroline's, right?

00:19:30.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:19:31.000 Wow, Caroline's.

00:19:33.000 You get some rough hecklers in there.

00:19:34.000 I think a brawl broke out that night.

00:19:35.000 Or maybe the next day.

00:19:36.000 They were throwing chairs.

00:19:38.000 Yeah, I think it was the next day.

00:19:39.000 Throwing chairs.

00:19:40.000 Yeah, like a full brawl.

00:19:42.000 Bro, how many shows have we done together?

00:19:44.000 A bunch.

00:19:44.000 Fucking thousands?

00:19:46.000 Yeah, thousands.

00:19:46.000 We've done so many shows together all over the fucking country.

00:19:49.000 All over the world.

00:19:51.000 Those shows were right after Baby Bird.

00:19:53.000 That's right.

00:19:55.000 Stern Complain got it taken down off YouTube.

00:19:58.000 What?

00:19:59.000 Stern Complain?

00:20:01.000 Wait a minute.

00:20:03.000 Not Stern, but their group was like, take that shit down, because they didn't want them succeeding.

00:20:07.000 And then they were like, this happens all the time, we'll just have to file a thing and it'll get put back up.

00:20:11.000 So they were saying that it was offensive?

00:20:13.000 That's how they get it taken out?

00:20:14.000 Something.

00:20:15.000 Maybe they were the ones, they were like, no, we're the edgy.

00:20:17.000 We should say that it was, we know that's true.

00:20:19.000 We need to find out, because that's like such a fucking egregious, evil thing to do, if you're in that business.

00:20:25.000 Yeah.

00:20:25.000 Like say something's offensive.

00:20:27.000 Or like saying Don Imus went too far?

00:20:28.000 Yeah.

00:20:29.000 He got fucked.

00:20:30.000 Like I sucked.

00:20:31.000 Yeah.

00:20:31.000 He'd be like, I'm the offensive one, no one else.

00:20:34.000 Ugh.

00:20:35.000 Yeah.

00:20:35.000 Well, when he silenced Opie and Anthony, he wouldn't let them talk shit about him.

00:20:39.000 Yeah.

00:20:39.000 Well, he was talking shit about them.

00:20:40.000 Wild.

00:20:42.000 I'll use any tool against my enemies.

00:20:45.000 Don't you stand for anything though?

00:20:47.000 You're a fucking radio guy?

00:20:49.000 I think that guy was alone on the front line for so long.

00:20:55.000 Imagine if it's World War II and it's just you against the Japanese and you're on this fucking island just killing people every day for like A decade and a half.

00:21:06.000 And then new people come up and they're like, why should you have my back?

00:21:08.000 Fuck you!

00:21:09.000 Where were you?

00:21:10.000 I needed you.

00:21:11.000 This is my fight.

00:21:12.000 True.

00:21:13.000 I heard people had to avert their eyes when you came in.

00:21:15.000 I don't think that's probably true.

00:21:16.000 Not true.

00:21:16.000 Like Don?

00:21:17.000 See, I think that's, I think that is people that work for him, tell him, don't look at him, don't talk to him.

00:21:24.000 And so he probably doesn't even know that they're doing that.

00:21:27.000 I know that happens with some stars.

00:21:29.000 I know that happens.

00:21:31.000 Damn.

00:21:31.000 J-Lo.

00:21:32.000 No eye contact.

00:21:32.000 We did a commercial with Tiger Woods.

00:21:34.000 They're like, don't curse around him.

00:21:36.000 This was before the scandals.

00:21:37.000 Like, don't curse around him.

00:21:38.000 Don't do anything.

00:21:38.000 I was like, okay.

00:21:39.000 And he comes in and goes, you guys ready to do this shit?

00:21:41.000 And we're like, wait.

00:21:42.000 What did you just tell us not to be dirty?

00:21:45.000 They're just handlers.

00:21:46.000 Just weird people.

00:21:47.000 There's weird people that get a kick out of having power over the star.

00:21:51.000 They have power to access.

00:21:53.000 You can't have access to the star.

00:21:55.000 You can't get close to them.

00:21:57.000 Weird people at clubs do that.

00:21:59.000 It's weird.

00:22:00.000 That happened to me.

00:22:00.000 I did a club in Erie, Pennsylvania.

00:22:02.000 And the guy goes, you better be clean, you better be squeaky clean, TV clean.

00:22:06.000 I was like, oh shit.

00:22:07.000 I was three years in.

00:22:09.000 And then the host goes up, who told me that, and he's like, so I was fucking my wife in the ass, I jizzed in her daughter's hair, and I'm like, what the hell?

00:22:15.000 Then I went up and I was like, so, uh, cereal's weird.

00:22:19.000 And they're like, boo!

00:22:21.000 Boo!

00:22:22.000 Get the host back up!

00:22:23.000 Cereal's weird!

00:22:26.000 Trying to run a new hour on the fly.

00:22:28.000 Yeah, I did.

00:22:29.000 You're just taking all the fucks out, the jizz out.

00:22:31.000 Those were the worst gigs when you had to work clean.

00:22:33.000 You had 20 minutes to work clean, so you're stretching out your pits.

00:22:36.000 Yeah!

00:22:37.000 You're like, oh, this is a clean bit, and then halfway in, you're like, oh, it does go to anal.

00:22:40.000 In the end.

00:22:40.000 Damn, fuck, it does go to anal!

00:22:42.000 How can I re-aim this?

00:22:46.000 I never had to do one.

00:22:48.000 A clean show?

00:22:48.000 I don't think ever.

00:22:50.000 I think I said no every single time.

00:22:52.000 They just don't exist anymore.

00:22:55.000 I never had to do late night or anything, honestly.

00:22:58.000 When I was coming up, it was like, do you want money or not?

00:23:02.000 Do you want food or not?

00:23:03.000 It's like, if you want to get that hundred bucks, you've got to go do that clean show.

00:23:07.000 Oh yeah.

00:23:08.000 That's a good exercise.

00:23:09.000 To think about the language for the first time in your life or in a decade of like, wait, is this dirty?

00:23:15.000 Well, it wasn't a decade for me, but it was early days of stand-up like I was 20. And the thing is, back then, they really wanted stand-up to be clean.

00:23:23.000 Everybody wanted you to work clean because that's how you got on The Tonight Show.

00:23:27.000 Right.

00:23:27.000 You know, once Stephen Wright got on The Tonight Show out of Boston, it kind of like changed how everybody thought about comedy.

00:23:33.000 Everybody was like, you're going to get on The Tonight Show now.

00:23:36.000 Like, you got to work clean.

00:23:37.000 If you want to make it, you got to work clean.

00:23:39.000 I remember there's a bunch of guys who were just in town who were telling them, if you want to work, you got to work clean.

00:23:43.000 Like, you're just here.

00:23:44.000 We were talking about it last night.

00:23:46.000 That still exists.

00:23:47.000 There's still people that are like, I gotta get my stuff together for a late night spot.

00:23:51.000 It's like, dude, what?

00:23:53.000 Late night's over.

00:23:54.000 It's kind of a fun thing to do if you like it.

00:23:56.000 No, don't get me wrong.

00:23:57.000 It would be cool to do, but I'm saying there's guys that are like, here's my way out.

00:24:00.000 Right, right, right.

00:24:02.000 It doesn't launch anybody anymore.

00:24:04.000 Isn't that crazy?

00:24:05.000 It's worthless.

00:24:06.000 Like, if you have a set on The Tonight Show, how many more tickets are you going to sell?

00:24:10.000 Yeah, nothing.

00:24:12.000 Seinfeld did one like six, seven years ago.

00:24:14.000 It was cool to see him put together a late night set.

00:24:16.000 Norm's at the end of Letterman's.

00:24:18.000 Unreal.

00:24:18.000 That was great.

00:24:19.000 One of the best.

00:24:20.000 What do you think you are, Mars?

00:24:22.000 Norm was a master.

00:24:23.000 He was a master.

00:24:24.000 He was so pure.

00:24:25.000 Oh, I teared up at the end of that?

00:24:26.000 That gets me.

00:24:26.000 That gets me every time.

00:24:28.000 Brutal.

00:24:29.000 Whatever happened to that guy?

00:24:31.000 Oh, fuck.

00:24:32.000 I forgot he vanished.

00:24:35.000 Bummer.

00:24:35.000 What a gangster way to go out.

00:24:36.000 I didn't even know he was sick.

00:24:37.000 Gangster way to go out.

00:24:38.000 Not telling anybody.

00:24:39.000 Blame it all on Adam Egan.

00:24:40.000 I know.

00:24:41.000 None of his friends knew.

00:24:43.000 His biography, the book he wrote, just trashes Adam Egan.

00:24:47.000 It's great.

00:24:48.000 Does it?

00:24:48.000 200 pages.

00:24:49.000 He calls him a Holocaust denier.

00:24:52.000 He calls him a Holocaust denier.

00:24:52.000 He doesn't mean you can't be a denier.

00:24:54.000 The whole book makes it worse.

00:24:57.000 That's hilarious.

00:24:57.000 That's what Adam's known for.

00:24:59.000 People see him and they're like, are you blowing guys under the bridge?

00:25:02.000 That's a fucked up aspect of people.

00:25:05.000 You will have some white people who hate white people.

00:25:10.000 You will have some Jews who hate Jews.

00:25:12.000 You will have some Jews who want to join the Nazi party.

00:25:14.000 You will have some black people who hate black people.

00:25:19.000 You will have people that will go against their people to be in with the other.

00:25:23.000 You will have Jews that will join the Nazis.

00:25:25.000 Are you excusing Egon's behavior?

00:25:27.000 No.

00:25:27.000 He's a Jew.

00:25:28.000 It's a strange thing.

00:25:31.000 To be a traitor like that, there's a compelling desire to join the enemy.

00:25:37.000 It's very weird.

00:25:37.000 What if you hate yourself?

00:25:39.000 I think that has a lot to do with it.

00:25:41.000 That's probably a lot of it.

00:25:41.000 But there's always been people that have joined the enemy during times of war.

00:25:46.000 Really?

00:25:46.000 Benedict Arnold.

00:25:47.000 Yeah.

00:25:48.000 Although I heard Benedict Arnold got set up.

00:25:51.000 Really?

00:25:51.000 Yeah.

00:25:52.000 I heard Benedict Arnold like it was really another guy who was like the Shane knows about this.

00:25:55.000 I don't know if that's true.

00:25:56.000 What happened with Benedict Arnold?

00:25:58.000 I just know he...

00:26:00.000 He's a traitor.

00:26:00.000 He rushed out of West Point while George was there.

00:26:03.000 Traitor goes.

00:26:04.000 Hamilton, they all chased out.

00:26:06.000 I'm sure there's something there.

00:26:07.000 But it may be his family that wrote that, you know?

00:26:09.000 It's like him and his wife escaped.

00:26:12.000 He went to the...

00:26:13.000 He was a hero, though.

00:26:15.000 Yeah.

00:26:16.000 He was a hero.

00:26:16.000 He was the captain of the Ford at West Point.

00:26:18.000 And, uh, yeah.

00:26:21.000 Slept out.

00:26:22.000 They said that was the only time they saw George Washington crying.

00:26:25.000 Whoa!

00:26:26.000 He left.

00:26:26.000 When, yeah.

00:26:27.000 Maybe it was because of pussy.

00:26:29.000 Maybe it was really hot redhead.

00:26:30.000 He was with his wife.

00:26:32.000 Yeah.

00:26:32.000 Wouldn't she?

00:26:33.000 She was like, we gotta get out of here, baby.

00:26:34.000 Snuck out in the middle of the night.

00:26:35.000 Yeah.

00:26:36.000 Like a bitch, dude.

00:26:37.000 And then where'd he go?

00:26:38.000 Just straight to the Brits?

00:26:39.000 There was ships out in the harbor.

00:26:41.000 He just went out and joined the British.

00:26:43.000 He snowed down.

00:26:44.000 He said, here's how you take the fort or whatever.

00:26:46.000 Whoa!

00:26:46.000 He told him everything.

00:26:47.000 He had to get in.

00:26:48.000 That's the way to get in.

00:26:49.000 Was his wife British?

00:26:51.000 I'm not sure.

00:26:51.000 Probably dirty bitch.

00:26:53.000 Disgusting bitch.

00:26:54.000 Those hot Russian broads come over here and trick CIA guys.

00:26:57.000 Trick our fucking beautiful president, Donald Trump.

00:27:00.000 They trick them all, they trick everybody.

00:27:03.000 Those hot Russian broads.

00:27:04.000 That was the spy way.

00:27:05.000 If you're a fucking guy in the government and you meet a hot Russian lady, you're like, God damn it.

00:27:10.000 I'm fucked.

00:27:11.000 It's like meeting a shark when you're in the ocean.

00:27:13.000 Right.

00:27:13.000 It's over.

00:27:14.000 I just look good.

00:27:16.000 Oh, she's just a ballerina.

00:27:18.000 Nothing weird about this.

00:27:19.000 She just plays violin.

00:27:20.000 And she likes me.

00:27:21.000 Nothing strange about how she likes me and I'm disgusting.

00:27:23.000 Who's the politician that was fucking the Chinese spy?

00:27:26.000 Oh yeah!

00:27:27.000 It's so funny.

00:27:28.000 It's the worst thing.

00:27:29.000 It's so funny.

00:27:30.000 Yeah.

00:27:30.000 Hey, you know that chicken fucking?

00:27:31.000 Oh, please don't tell me.

00:27:32.000 My wife found out.

00:27:33.000 I was like, no, way worse.

00:27:34.000 Worse.

00:27:35.000 She's a Chinese spy.

00:27:37.000 Chinese spy.

00:27:37.000 And you opened up.

00:27:39.000 Damn.

00:27:39.000 Dude, just think about being like, oh.

00:27:41.000 Oh, fuck.

00:27:42.000 Imagine that job.

00:27:43.000 But my wife does not know, though.

00:27:46.000 Suspected Chinese spy reportedly slept with courted U.S. officials to gain intel.

00:27:52.000 How many officials?

00:27:53.000 More than one?

00:27:54.000 She's banging a bunch of guys.

00:27:55.000 So she's really just a glorified prostitute.

00:27:58.000 You're like a helpful prostitute.

00:28:01.000 What was her name?

00:28:01.000 Her name's Fang Fang.

00:28:03.000 No way.

00:28:03.000 There's nothing funny about that.

00:28:04.000 Her name was Fang?

00:28:05.000 Oh, it is Fang Fang.

00:28:07.000 A.K.A. Christina Fang.

00:28:09.000 Entered the U.S. through California as a college student in 2011, spent the next four years wooing everyone from local politicals to U.S. congressmen.

00:28:17.000 I'm telling you, he's a prostitute.

00:28:18.000 Wow.

00:28:18.000 Who travels.

00:28:19.000 Among the polls Fang got close to was California Democrat Eric Swalwell.

00:28:25.000 She also once helped raise funds for Tulsi Gabbard.

00:28:28.000 Uh-oh.

00:28:29.000 She was helpful along the way?

00:28:30.000 You think she fucked Tulsi Gabbard?

00:28:31.000 I don't think so.

00:28:32.000 She probably was doing...

00:28:33.000 I hope so.

00:28:33.000 I think if you're gonna...

00:28:34.000 She at least was like, threw it out there.

00:28:36.000 Test the waters.

00:28:38.000 Hey, Gabby.

00:28:38.000 I'm waking up and someone being like, dude, you're a chick.

00:28:40.000 He's like...

00:28:41.000 Fucking fang fang?

00:28:42.000 She's like, I'll eat this up for the CCP. No, no, no, no.

00:28:45.000 No, no, no, no, no, no.

00:28:46.000 She had sex with an Ohio mayor in a car.

00:28:49.000 An incident caught on FBI electronic surveillance.

00:28:52.000 Which guy was it?

00:28:52.000 That's her right there?

00:28:53.000 Kiss, kiss, fang, fang.

00:28:55.000 She's not great.

00:28:56.000 I'll be honest.

00:28:57.000 That's probably how you get by.

00:28:59.000 She looks regular.

00:29:00.000 You get by by being regular.

00:29:01.000 Can't be too hot.

00:29:02.000 She looks regular, yep.

00:29:02.000 What a stupid fucking spy to just fuck a mayor in Ohio.

00:29:06.000 We got a lot of information out of this guy.

00:29:08.000 He's the mayor of fucking Cleveland.

00:29:11.000 The mayor of Cleveland knows that the FBI is going to be in town because of this and that.

00:29:16.000 She's setting back Morse code like the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is expanding.

00:29:21.000 But also, they're changing the name to the Guardians.

00:29:24.000 The Cure is winning.

00:29:25.000 But also, she's a human being.

00:29:27.000 And even though she's working as a spy, maybe she just wanted to fuck the mayor in a car.

00:29:31.000 Human being, she's Asian.

00:29:33.000 Unrelated, you're saying.

00:29:34.000 She was like, hey, I'm trying a bigger thing, but this guy's cool.

00:29:37.000 Yeah, she wants to fuck him.

00:29:38.000 It can't be all of her sex can't be for intel.

00:29:41.000 I don't know.

00:29:42.000 That's hot intel puss.

00:29:44.000 Another U.S. mayor described as older and from obscure city in Midwest called Fang his girlfriend at a conference in Washington, D.C. in 2014. Damn.

00:29:55.000 Fang Fang.

00:29:56.000 Sucking the mayor of Sioux City.

00:29:58.000 The besotted mayor insisted the pair's relationship was the real deal, despite their age differences.

00:30:03.000 Oh, she's fucking old guys.

00:30:04.000 This doesn't work for guys.

00:30:06.000 A guy can't be a spy that fucks all the female.

00:30:08.000 She allegedly worked working at the direction of Chinese Ultra Secret Ministry of State Security Spy Agency.

00:30:14.000 Oxymoron.

00:30:19.000 Hmm, interesting.

00:30:20.000 Where is she now, in jail?

00:30:23.000 I don't know, where is she?

00:30:24.000 She got traded for Brittany Griner.

00:30:27.000 Nah.

00:30:28.000 The merchant of head.

00:30:29.000 How crazy is that that they traded a mass murderer who's responsible for thousands of deaths for a basketball player?

00:30:36.000 The crazy thing is they told the Americans who love Brittany Griner, like, hey guys, you gotta keep quiet about this.

00:30:40.000 That's your only way to get her out.

00:30:41.000 You can't make it a big deal.

00:30:42.000 And those people are like, nah, all we do is make big deals out of things.

00:30:45.000 Yeah.

00:30:46.000 We're fans of the WNBA. There's ten of us, and we're loud as hell.

00:30:50.000 If they didn't make a big deal about it and the government negotiated...

00:30:52.000 She's let out in a week.

00:30:53.000 You think so?

00:30:54.000 Yeah, they're like, eh.

00:30:55.000 Nah, I don't think so.

00:30:56.000 Just the weed charge.

00:30:57.000 Do you think it also became a fuck you?

00:31:00.000 Yeah, exactly.

00:31:01.000 Yeah, public fuck you.

00:31:02.000 Yeah.

00:31:03.000 Because nobody knows about that Marine that's over there.

00:31:05.000 They had the choice of releasing a Marine or releasing Brittany Griner.

00:31:09.000 No!

00:31:09.000 Yeah, there was a Marine who was charged with espionage.

00:31:12.000 He's probably a better basketball player.

00:31:15.000 He's definitely a better basketball player.

00:31:17.000 Jamie, can you look up what Brittany's averaging this season to see if it was worth it?

00:31:20.000 They just started.

00:31:22.000 How's she doing?

00:31:22.000 She got an eight in her first game.

00:31:24.000 She got eight points?

00:31:24.000 I think she got a fucking leading scorer.

00:31:28.000 She's a little bit cornered.

00:31:32.000 They're all like Luis Gomez.

00:31:35.000 There's weird videos of her.

00:31:37.000 Dude, you gotta get the video of him faking out Luis Gomez.

00:31:39.000 He just throws a fake and Luis fully turns around.

00:31:42.000 Pull it up!

00:31:44.000 I'll send it to you, Jamie.

00:31:46.000 She got 27 in her last game.

00:31:48.000 Whoa!

00:31:48.000 That's legit.

00:31:49.000 Is that good?

00:31:50.000 She's got 27?

00:31:51.000 27 points.

00:31:53.000 17, 25, 31. Who's the best player in the WNBA? Oh, shit.

00:32:00.000 Oh shit, that one guy.

00:32:02.000 Margaret- Sue Bird.

00:32:03.000 Sue Bird, that's what I was gonna say, maybe Sue Bird.

00:32:05.000 I don't think- I don't think- We don't know.

00:32:06.000 We won't know the name.

00:32:07.000 Where are the trans?

00:32:08.000 How come no- Yeah, I was just gonna say that.

00:32:09.000 How come no trans?

00:32:10.000 Dude, do you want to, man?

00:32:11.000 TNBA. How come none of them tried that out?

00:32:15.000 Yeah, they would be dunking.

00:32:16.000 You'd be nuts not to.

00:32:17.000 Who- What idiot is not tried?

00:32:19.000 All you'd have to do is be a mediocre male basketball player.

00:32:23.000 Dude, I was a practice player for the women's basketball team in Maryland.

00:32:25.000 We figured it out.

00:32:26.000 I would have been a sixth man.

00:32:28.000 I would have been first off the bench.

00:32:29.000 That's pretty good.

00:32:30.000 Yeah.

00:32:30.000 Without working out hard.

00:32:32.000 But imagine if you were like a mediocre professional basketball player who couldn't cut it in the NBA anymore and you just transitioned.

00:32:38.000 Easy.

00:32:38.000 I'll show it to you.

00:32:38.000 Go for it.

00:32:39.000 You'd be a savage.

00:32:40.000 And they can't stop you.

00:32:41.000 Yeah.

00:32:42.000 No one can stop you anymore.

00:32:43.000 You don't even have to do anything.

00:32:44.000 You don't have to take drugs.

00:32:45.000 You can be retired.

00:32:46.000 Well retired.

00:32:48.000 Mid to late 40s.

00:32:49.000 It's so strange.

00:32:50.000 But, I mean, do it.

00:32:52.000 Who's listening?

00:32:53.000 Do it.

00:32:53.000 Well, the weird thing is they just won the poker tournament.

00:32:56.000 That's not even physical.

00:32:57.000 Who did?

00:32:57.000 A guy.

00:32:58.000 He identified as a lady and won the poker tournament.

00:33:00.000 Well, that could easily be because men play more poker.

00:33:04.000 And there's more men playing poker.

00:33:06.000 Look at this fake.

00:33:07.000 Look at this fake.

00:33:09.000 That's so bad.

00:33:11.000 That's the nuttiest one.

00:33:13.000 Look at this pass from Matt.

00:33:15.000 We sucked.

00:33:17.000 It kind of worked.

00:33:18.000 He turned all the way around.

00:33:20.000 Full CTE. That was bad.

00:33:22.000 That's all that boxing training he's been doing.

00:33:24.000 He turned all the way around and was like, where did that pass go?

00:33:26.000 I don't see the ball.

00:33:28.000 Wow.

00:33:28.000 What?

00:33:30.000 What?

00:33:30.000 He's wearing Jordan's number?

00:33:32.000 Fuck off.

00:33:33.000 We got a layup.

00:33:36.000 Until you dribble, until he hears the dribble, he doesn't know.

00:33:39.000 They fought the entire time, dude.

00:33:42.000 That was insane.

00:33:45.000 Did they take it seriously?

00:33:46.000 So seriously!

00:33:48.000 Way too seriously!

00:33:50.000 Me and Matt were on their podcast.

00:33:51.000 They were like, we can beat you in basketball.

00:33:53.000 I was like, I've seen you play basketball.

00:33:55.000 They played each other once.

00:33:57.000 And they can't play.

00:33:58.000 They dribble with their head down.

00:33:59.000 I was like, you guys, we suck.

00:34:01.000 Me and Matt suck, but we can beat you.

00:34:03.000 And then they were like, fine, $1,000.

00:34:05.000 We were like, alright, let's play.

00:34:06.000 We beat them at 11, 12-0.

00:34:08.000 And then they fought.

00:34:11.000 We got in a fight for a while over that.

00:34:13.000 They took it so seriously.

00:34:15.000 They just paid.

00:34:16.000 It was like a year and a half.

00:34:18.000 Lewis kept asking me to do the podcast, and I was like, I'm not doing it until you pay me.

00:34:22.000 He was like, I'll fucking pay you right now.

00:34:23.000 I don't give a fuck.

00:34:24.000 Yeah, Venmo, it works.

00:34:27.000 How come he didn't pay you immediately?

00:34:29.000 Well, he's Louis.

00:34:30.000 You're supposed to get paid at the game.

00:34:32.000 Yeah, exactly.

00:34:34.000 Well, after the game, it got heated.

00:34:36.000 About what?

00:34:37.000 Everything.

00:34:38.000 Everybody was fighting.

00:34:39.000 You took too seriously.

00:34:39.000 You went too hard.

00:34:40.000 We should have had Dave.

00:34:41.000 Dave wasn't here.

00:34:42.000 Dave never agreed to go.

00:34:43.000 Me and Louis got in a fight.

00:34:44.000 I was a little out of line.

00:34:45.000 He was a little out of line.

00:34:47.000 Louis is great at blowing.

00:34:48.000 You guys drinking?

00:34:49.000 No.

00:34:50.000 It looked like it.

00:34:50.000 Louis is great at flying off the handle, then forgiving you the next day.

00:34:54.000 Yeah.

00:34:55.000 That's his thing?

00:34:56.000 Yeah.

00:34:56.000 Me and him fight a lot.

00:34:58.000 Girls like that are a lot of fun, aren't they?

00:35:00.000 Girls like that are fun.

00:35:01.000 Actually, I forgive them.

00:35:03.000 Sometimes you do.

00:35:04.000 They freak out.

00:35:04.000 I go, hey, fucking, you're dumb.

00:35:06.000 Yeah.

00:35:07.000 You didn't know what you were doing.

00:35:08.000 What makes them fun sometimes makes them problematic.

00:35:11.000 Yeah, you got that right.

00:35:12.000 You know?

00:35:13.000 Yeah.

00:35:13.000 J-Mo, I got another Frank thing.

00:35:14.000 My friend Tony always said that.

00:35:16.000 Psychotic and erotic are next door neighbors.

00:35:18.000 That's not bad.

00:35:19.000 They're right next door to each other.

00:35:20.000 Oh, yeah.

00:35:21.000 So are the butthole and the vagina.

00:35:23.000 Hey!

00:35:24.000 Thank you.

00:35:25.000 Hold on.

00:35:26.000 Don't tell that to Jesus.

00:35:30.000 What are you doing?

00:35:31.000 What?

00:35:32.000 You gotta ring the bell.

00:35:33.000 It takes a second.

00:35:33.000 Jay was so mad that you beat him so bad.

00:35:36.000 Why are you so mad?

00:35:38.000 Sometimes he just can't take it.

00:35:40.000 He's competitive.

00:35:41.000 Yeah.

00:35:42.000 Don't play a video game with him.

00:35:44.000 Yep.

00:35:44.000 Oh, is Big Jay a big video gamer?

00:35:47.000 He's competitive.

00:35:48.000 He's competitive.

00:35:49.000 Oh, he gets crazy?

00:35:50.000 Rarely, but when he is.

00:35:52.000 What game are you playing?

00:35:53.000 NBA Jam.

00:35:55.000 More basketball.

00:35:56.000 He plays basketball video games.

00:35:57.000 He plays NBA 2K. He loves basketball.

00:35:59.000 So that was what started the argument.

00:36:01.000 He was like, I'm getting pretty good.

00:36:02.000 Does he actually play basketball?

00:36:04.000 Yeah, he does.

00:36:04.000 They have a court in his apartment.

00:36:06.000 That was in his apartment building.

00:36:08.000 Oh, okay.

00:36:08.000 It was a weekly game.

00:36:10.000 I wore a chain wallet once.

00:36:11.000 He tackled me.

00:36:14.000 Why?

00:36:15.000 That's his thing.

00:36:16.000 He wears a chain wallet.

00:36:17.000 That's a joke.

00:36:21.000 I used to wear a chain wallet.

00:36:22.000 Yeah, I did too.

00:36:23.000 It's a great way to not lose your wallet.

00:36:25.000 I lost my wallet once in New York City.

00:36:26.000 I left it in the back of a cab.

00:36:28.000 It was such a fucking pain.

00:36:30.000 Devastating.

00:36:30.000 I'd rather lose my wallet.

00:36:32.000 I'd rather lose my wallet.

00:36:32.000 What if you get caught?

00:36:34.000 Wallet inside, chain out there.

00:36:36.000 Bro, the best thing is...

00:36:37.000 It's so corny.

00:36:38.000 Not Jay.

00:36:39.000 Not Jay.

00:36:39.000 These are the best.

00:36:40.000 He doesn't wear it anymore.

00:36:41.000 These are the best.

00:36:42.000 What are those?

00:36:42.000 It's a little front zip-up wallet for credit cards.

00:36:46.000 That's what I got.

00:36:47.000 That's all you need.

00:36:47.000 Credit cards, driver's license, all that shit.

00:36:49.000 But now you got multiple things here.

00:36:50.000 I want one thing.

00:36:51.000 I got this thing.

00:36:51.000 I got a fanny pack, son.

00:36:53.000 Folder the bills.

00:36:55.000 That's a fanny pack.

00:36:56.000 I'm aware.

00:36:57.000 Yeah.

00:36:58.000 Don't you bluff me, motherfucker.

00:36:59.000 I wear that.

00:37:00.000 I got the same one Dice has.

00:37:02.000 That's where I learned about this model.

00:37:06.000 Dice has a fanny pack on.

00:37:08.000 I was like, look at that fanny pack.

00:37:09.000 I'm like, that's a fucking beautiful fanny pack.

00:37:11.000 It's nice, right?

00:37:12.000 I go, where'd you get it?

00:37:13.000 It's like Roots of Canada.

00:37:14.000 I'm like, oh shit.

00:37:15.000 We sell these on higherprimate.com.

00:37:18.000 They're legit from Roots.

00:37:21.000 Good band.

00:37:21.000 You're scared of fanny packs.

00:37:22.000 I don't know why.

00:37:23.000 I don't care for them.

00:37:24.000 They're very convenient.

00:37:25.000 You gotta wear them over the shoulder.

00:37:26.000 That's what people do now, the hipsters.

00:37:27.000 That's cowards.

00:37:28.000 It's a coward's way.

00:37:29.000 You're scared.

00:37:30.000 You want the convenience of a fanny pack, but you want it to be a little more awkward to wear.

00:37:35.000 Yep.

00:37:36.000 Just so that you don't look like you're wearing a fanny pack.

00:37:38.000 Yeah.

00:37:39.000 Go for it or don't go for it.

00:37:40.000 Don't be a coward.

00:37:41.000 Wear a fanny pack.

00:37:42.000 Wear it right over your dick.

00:37:44.000 There you go.

00:37:44.000 Sit right there.

00:37:46.000 Keys.

00:37:46.000 Aren't you supposed to put it on your fanny, though?

00:37:48.000 I don't know why they call it a fanny pack.

00:37:51.000 Do you know fanny in English is pussy?

00:37:54.000 Yeah.

00:37:55.000 That's why they call it a fanny pack.

00:37:56.000 It's a pussy pack.

00:37:58.000 And they were making fun of me.

00:37:59.000 What'd you call it?

00:38:00.000 Oh, no.

00:38:01.000 I'm doing Australia next week.

00:38:02.000 It's called the Fanny Guy Tour.

00:38:04.000 They were like, mate, mate, that's a vagina.

00:38:08.000 It's so funny.

00:38:09.000 They call it a bum bag over there.

00:38:12.000 A bum bag?

00:38:13.000 Like bum, like your butt.

00:38:15.000 Like fanny pack.

00:38:16.000 They call it a bum bag.

00:38:17.000 I was working the door at the comedy store and somebody, you know, they always make jokes and they come in and it's like, they're like, do you allow fags in here?

00:38:21.000 And I'm like, ugh, yes, whatever.

00:38:24.000 And then I turn back around, they were just smoking.

00:38:26.000 And I was like, oh, no, 100%.

00:38:29.000 We shouldn't, but get in there.

00:38:32.000 Not on my watch.

00:38:33.000 If I got a vote, it'd be different.

00:38:36.000 Tony was there?

00:38:44.000 Someone saying that, though, that's like willful ignorance.

00:38:47.000 They gotta know that that has a different meaning in the United States.

00:38:51.000 They have to know.

00:38:52.000 Because it's such a different meaning.

00:38:53.000 Such a different meaning.

00:38:54.000 It's not even close.

00:38:54.000 Everybody knows about that different meaning.

00:38:57.000 Yeah, that's a big one.

00:38:58.000 Yeah.

00:38:59.000 That and the loo.

00:39:00.000 The loo, yeah.

00:39:01.000 And the boot.

00:39:02.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:39:05.000 That's all I got.

00:39:06.000 On British speak.

00:39:07.000 Lift, lorry, trunk.

00:39:09.000 Is that an elevator?

00:39:10.000 A lorry, I think it's a truck.

00:39:11.000 Yeah, a lift.

00:39:12.000 A lift is an elevator.

00:39:13.000 And then a cookie is a cracker.

00:39:15.000 The boot is a weird one.

00:39:16.000 Biscuit.

00:39:17.000 What do they call the front hood?

00:39:19.000 The bonnet.

00:39:20.000 The bonnet of a car?

00:39:21.000 Yeah, the bonnet and the boot.

00:39:22.000 Whoa.

00:39:23.000 Yeah, the boot is the trunk.

00:39:24.000 I suck.

00:39:24.000 That's what I lost.

00:39:26.000 Well, also, we invented the car, so why you changing the names?

00:39:30.000 Yeah, true.

00:39:30.000 Oh, good point.

00:39:31.000 Why the fuck you spelling tire with a Y? They changed that on us.

00:39:35.000 Gross.

00:39:36.000 Why you got a Y in it?

00:39:37.000 Why you got a U in color?

00:39:39.000 Color.

00:39:40.000 Flavor.

00:39:41.000 Yeah.

00:39:41.000 Maybe they invented the fucking English language.

00:39:44.000 No, no, no.

00:39:45.000 No tires.

00:39:46.000 There were no tires.

00:39:47.000 I'd say we perfected it.

00:39:48.000 They invented it.

00:39:49.000 We're like, not bad, not bad.

00:39:50.000 And then we ran with it.

00:39:51.000 They had to go on the other side of the road too, those dorks.

00:39:53.000 Yeah.

00:39:54.000 They put the steering wheel on the other side of the road.

00:39:56.000 That'll fuck you up.

00:39:56.000 I drove on there.

00:39:58.000 It's hard.

00:39:59.000 Yeah.

00:40:00.000 Didn't Matthew Broderick get in a car accident because of that?

00:40:02.000 Ran over a kid.

00:40:03.000 No.

00:40:04.000 Fucked him up.

00:40:05.000 He's different now.

00:40:06.000 Who is?

00:40:07.000 Broderick.

00:40:08.000 He'd be a better actor.

00:40:09.000 He was getting hit by Jennifer Grey.

00:40:11.000 That's the rumor.

00:40:11.000 Is that funny?

00:40:12.000 No way.

00:40:12.000 Pull it up.

00:40:13.000 That's the rumor?

00:40:15.000 Yeah.

00:40:15.000 Now they were dating and now they're done.

00:40:17.000 And so there was a kid?

00:40:18.000 Jennifer Grey?

00:40:19.000 Yeah.

00:40:20.000 So there was a job Jennifer Grey?

00:40:21.000 Oh yeah.

00:40:22.000 Wow.

00:40:23.000 Blowjob Jennifer Grey.

00:40:25.000 He was giving him a little bonnet.

00:40:29.000 What a horrible thing.

00:40:30.000 Lorena Bonnet.

00:40:32.000 Jesus, son.

00:40:33.000 Remember that story?

00:40:34.000 That was big news in the 90s.

00:40:36.000 What story?

00:40:36.000 That was the biggest story of all time.

00:40:37.000 What story?

00:40:38.000 She cut off the guy's dick and threw it off the window.

00:40:40.000 That was a giant story.

00:40:42.000 That was huge.

00:40:42.000 Of course it was.

00:40:43.000 What was his name?

00:40:45.000 John Wayne Bobbitt!

00:40:50.000 He was a running late night joke for years.

00:40:53.000 Years.

00:40:54.000 Forever.

00:40:54.000 Every comic had a joke about it.

00:40:55.000 We have to have talked about this.

00:40:57.000 I don't think we talked about vomit.

00:40:58.000 Oh, I'm talking about just the idea of just like, you'd never find my dick in that field.

00:41:03.000 No way.

00:41:04.000 Good for that guy.

00:41:05.000 I don't think it was like, I think she just threw it out the window.

00:41:08.000 I know, but mine's gone.

00:41:09.000 Same.

00:41:10.000 I think she probably threw in a very specific area.

00:41:12.000 While they're driving?

00:41:12.000 If it was your earbud while you're biking, it's the hat on.

00:41:16.000 I don't know what she did.

00:41:20.000 Airplane seat.

00:41:21.000 Well, my dick's gone.

00:41:23.000 We're never getting that.

00:41:24.000 They sewed it back up.

00:41:25.000 You got your phone light out under the seat?

00:41:28.000 They did the first, I think recently, they did the first penis transplant.

00:41:34.000 Let's get it going.

00:41:36.000 But they can't transplant your balls?

00:41:39.000 Good.

00:41:39.000 Who needs a pod?

00:41:40.000 She left with it and drove away and threw it out the window.

00:41:43.000 Left the apartment with a severed appendage and drove away in her car after a length of time driving.

00:41:48.000 It's a pretty good dick if you can find it.

00:41:49.000 Struggling to steer with one hand.

00:41:51.000 Struggling to steer with one hand?

00:41:53.000 She's a lady.

00:41:54.000 She threw the penis out of the window at a roadside field.

00:41:58.000 Struggling.

00:41:58.000 Why do they have that in there?

00:41:58.000 Struggling to drive.

00:41:59.000 She eventually stopped and called 911 telling them what had happened.

00:42:02.000 Wow.

00:42:02.000 And where it was.

00:42:03.000 It was found after an exhaustive search.

00:42:05.000 And after being washed with antiseptic and packed in saline ice, it was reattached in the hospital.

00:42:10.000 And he did two pornos.

00:42:12.000 Yeah.

00:42:12.000 I remember the pornos.

00:42:13.000 Really?

00:42:13.000 Like Franken-penis, I think they call them.

00:42:15.000 My uncle produced.

00:42:16.000 Franken-penis?

00:42:17.000 Yeah.

00:42:19.000 That's one of the funniest- What was I just talking about while you pulled that up?

00:42:22.000 What were we just talking about while you pulled that up?

00:42:24.000 Franken-penis.

00:42:26.000 I should have gone with Frank and Weenie.

00:42:28.000 What was I just talking about right when we pulled that up?

00:42:30.000 What were you talking about?

00:42:31.000 We're talking about something different.

00:42:32.000 Docking.

00:42:33.000 No.

00:42:34.000 In between there.

00:42:36.000 Brittany Griner.

00:42:36.000 God damn it.

00:42:37.000 Her dick.

00:42:37.000 Bobbit.

00:42:38.000 Bobbit.

00:42:39.000 Get cut off.

00:42:40.000 Finding your dick in the field?

00:42:41.000 You think they find yours?

00:42:42.000 Oh, penis transplant.

00:42:43.000 Transplant.

00:42:44.000 That's right.

00:42:45.000 So they've done the first penis transplant, but they can't transplant balls because the balls carry your loads forever.

00:42:53.000 If you transplant something else, your balls carry your DNA. Whoa!

00:42:57.000 Yeah, so if you transplanted balls, there's an ethical problem because that guy's obviously dead.

00:43:04.000 And he's still having kids.

00:43:05.000 He's out.

00:43:06.000 You're having his kids.

00:43:07.000 Also, if you get a dick transplant, you're going black, though.

00:43:10.000 No.

00:43:10.000 For the request.

00:43:12.000 It's a penis and scrotum.

00:43:12.000 Why would you go black?

00:43:13.000 I want...

00:43:14.000 What do you mean?

00:43:15.000 Well, you don't want it to look like yours.

00:43:16.000 Yeah, but you also want the girth already discolored.

00:43:19.000 Imagine if that was a question.

00:43:21.000 Same.

00:43:21.000 I got a two-tone.

00:43:22.000 What color do you want?

00:43:22.000 Imagine if that was a question.

00:43:23.000 Like, what do you want?

00:43:24.000 You have to wait until everyone's out of the room.

00:43:25.000 Do you care?

00:43:26.000 We could bleach it.

00:43:27.000 Dr. Shoes got to give the patient testicles after consulting with the bioethicals.

00:43:33.000 Bioethicists?

00:43:33.000 What a job.

00:43:33.000 Yeah, the sperm-generating tissue would confer the potential for having children with genetic material from the donor.

00:43:40.000 Wow.

00:43:40.000 And it would keep going.

00:43:41.000 Pretty good.

00:43:41.000 Yeah, keep the guy going.

00:43:42.000 Dick Reddit.

00:43:43.000 Dick Reddit.

00:43:44.000 His name is Dick Reddit.

00:43:46.000 Dick Reddit.

00:43:48.000 His name is Dick Reddit.

00:43:49.000 So, was this the first one?

00:43:51.000 Yeah.

00:43:52.000 The patient who also lost both legs in the blast.

00:43:56.000 Scroll down a little bit.

00:43:56.000 I don't want to make a do it.

00:44:00.000 You guys notice the doctor who did the most on this?

00:44:03.000 Well, I don't want him making my dick.

00:44:05.000 I was just saying, he had some reasons to go like, we can go bigger.

00:44:09.000 We can't let nature hold us back.

00:44:12.000 Did you hear about the kid who was born with a giant dong?

00:44:15.000 So they had to get surgery, and the dad was like, go eight inches.

00:44:19.000 So they went him down to eight.

00:44:20.000 He had a football-shaped dick.

00:44:22.000 Whoa.

00:44:22.000 And they surgered it down to an eight-er.

00:44:24.000 That's a good dad, though.

00:44:25.000 On a kid.

00:44:25.000 Good dad.

00:44:26.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:44:27.000 Give him girth.

00:44:27.000 Yeah, but what if he wanted nine?

00:44:30.000 Eight's pretty good.

00:44:31.000 What if his friend's like, yeah, my dick's an inch bigger?

00:44:33.000 Like, motherfucker, I had a football.

00:44:36.000 Yeah.

00:44:36.000 You don't want that.

00:44:36.000 I had a giant football cock when I was a baby.

00:44:39.000 Oh, yeah, with the laces.

00:44:40.000 Keeping a kid with a giant dick is like the opposite of a boy named Sue.

00:44:44.000 You're giving him an easy life.

00:44:46.000 Remasculating him.

00:44:47.000 Yeah.

00:44:47.000 This kid was one.

00:44:52.000 He learned to walk at nine years old.

00:44:53.000 Pull it up, J-Mo.

00:44:55.000 There he is!

00:44:56.000 Oh, that's the dick.

00:44:57.000 I don't think that's the kid.

00:44:58.000 That's just a kid.

00:44:58.000 That's just a random kid.

00:44:59.000 It's hilarious.

00:45:00.000 Why would they just use this kid?

00:45:02.000 Is he white?

00:45:03.000 Wow.

00:45:03.000 Sexual organs of a grown man due to rare hormonal condition.

00:45:06.000 I bet that means he's jacked, too.

00:45:08.000 I bet he came out of the womb fucking jacked with a giant hog.

00:45:12.000 I bet he fucks well.

00:45:13.000 Fucks all the babies.

00:45:14.000 He said he was on it.

00:45:15.000 Imagine you walked in a nursery and you saw one baby with a giant dick trying to fuck the other baby.

00:45:21.000 You know there was one freak nurse who was like, I know you're only one.

00:45:24.000 You can't do that.

00:45:25.000 Keep your diaper on.

00:45:26.000 Don't put that in your mouth.

00:45:27.000 Don't fuck the kids.

00:45:29.000 He's just like looking at you and scolding him while he's stroking it.

00:45:32.000 Nothing comes out.

00:45:33.000 Yeah, knuckles up.

00:45:35.000 Imagine the ultrasound lady being like, no way.

00:45:38.000 I think it's twins.

00:45:40.000 I think you have a dick stuck in there.

00:45:42.000 Oh my gosh.

00:45:43.000 They can't show the dick.

00:45:44.000 Baby born with three penises makes medical history.

00:45:47.000 What?

00:45:48.000 That's got to be a record that stands for a while.

00:45:50.000 You've got to keep the middle one.

00:45:51.000 Imagine if the mom was like, I don't want him to have the big one.

00:45:54.000 No, let him keep all three.

00:45:55.000 It could be a freak show.

00:45:56.000 Give him a normal size.

00:45:57.000 Give him the Hydra.

00:45:59.000 Give him three dicks.

00:46:00.000 Oh, yeah.

00:46:02.000 Is that a total recall?

00:46:03.000 They're going to get mad at you.

00:46:04.000 But you could put one in the veg, one in the b-hole, and one can just hang out.

00:46:08.000 Sell two off.

00:46:09.000 With these organ transplants.

00:46:10.000 That's not bad.

00:46:11.000 They make college education.

00:46:13.000 You saw it?

00:46:13.000 No, there's no picture, but it describes what it is.

00:46:16.000 What is it?

00:46:17.000 Is it a third nip?

00:46:18.000 One was under the root under his primary penis.

00:46:23.000 And the other one was under the sack.

00:46:25.000 Whoa!

00:46:26.000 Under the sack!

00:46:27.000 Like in the taint.

00:46:28.000 Yeah.

00:46:29.000 A centimeter long schlong situation.

00:46:31.000 Did we all picture side to side?

00:46:32.000 I did.

00:46:33.000 Yeah, I did too.

00:46:34.000 Now, if he jizzes, do they all jizz?

00:46:36.000 Ooh, good question.

00:46:37.000 Or is one jizz at a time?

00:46:38.000 Immediately go again.

00:46:39.000 Immediately go again.

00:46:40.000 Yeah, like, do you jizz the one you work?

00:46:43.000 Hydra.

00:46:44.000 Hydra-esque anomaly.

00:46:45.000 Particularly mysterious, a child hadn't been exposed to drugs in the womb and didn't have a family history of genetic aberrations.

00:46:52.000 Yeah, right.

00:46:53.000 Interesting.

00:46:54.000 Old parents.

00:46:55.000 A lot of weird dicks out there.

00:46:57.000 So, the language used here is a little interesting.

00:46:59.000 Yeah.

00:47:00.000 Since three really is a digital phallus, it's not really good.

00:47:03.000 Three really is awful.

00:47:04.000 Horrible whale movie.

00:47:05.000 Yeah, it's the New York Post.

00:47:07.000 Three Willys?

00:47:08.000 The New York Post is always fucking around.

00:47:10.000 It's the best back page.

00:47:11.000 I love the Post.

00:47:13.000 Page six.

00:47:14.000 Yeah.

00:47:15.000 Three Willys.

00:47:16.000 That writer must have been a fucking sixth grade bully, dude.

00:47:19.000 What a beast.

00:47:20.000 Three Willys.

00:47:21.000 That's a crazy nickname, dude.

00:47:23.000 Have you found out someone had three dicks and you called them Three Willys?

00:47:26.000 That's pretty good.

00:47:27.000 Better than One-Eyed Willie.

00:47:29.000 Now, remember, they had Chink in the Armor.

00:47:31.000 That was them.

00:47:33.000 No, that was ESPN. No, I think it was The Post.

00:47:37.000 ESPN. Damn!

00:47:38.000 What was it?

00:47:40.000 Jeremy Lin was an Asian basketball player and he was dominating.

00:47:43.000 And it said, Chink in the Armor was the ESPN headline.

00:47:46.000 Really?

00:47:47.000 Yeah.

00:47:47.000 I'm just quoting the headline.

00:47:49.000 That's crazy.

00:47:50.000 He was quoting me that one time.

00:47:51.000 ESPN fires employee after offensive Lynn headline.

00:47:54.000 Wow.

00:47:55.000 He said, I have no idea.

00:47:57.000 It was not on purpose.

00:47:58.000 But that is a thing that you would say.

00:48:00.000 Exactly.

00:48:00.000 That's what he said.

00:48:01.000 Like if there was a player that found a hole in the defense, he found a chink in the armor.

00:48:05.000 I would like to hear the phrasing.

00:48:06.000 What do you mean?

00:48:07.000 It's a phrase.

00:48:08.000 Oh, in the Hornets defense.

00:48:09.000 He found a chink in the Hornets defense.

00:48:11.000 That's an expression.

00:48:13.000 It is a common expression.

00:48:14.000 Yeah.

00:48:15.000 Tough one on this one, though.

00:48:16.000 It is a tough one on that one, but you could make that mistake.

00:48:18.000 And if you made that mistake, you say it all the time.

00:48:21.000 Did you see that A's announcer?

00:48:22.000 I'll be honest, I don't forgive him.

00:48:23.000 No.

00:48:23.000 He tried to say the Negro Baseball Hall of Fame, but he said it fast with an accent.

00:48:28.000 It came out the worst way possible.

00:48:30.000 I will not.

00:48:32.000 He goes, we've had a great time here.

00:48:34.000 We went to the Baseball League Hall of Fame.

00:48:38.000 Fool.

00:48:39.000 If you have an accent, then...

00:48:41.000 But he didn't have an accent with anything else?

00:48:44.000 No, dude.

00:48:46.000 He said it wrong.

00:48:47.000 He accidentally said it.

00:48:48.000 He said it.

00:48:49.000 The N-word.

00:48:50.000 Not fool.

00:48:50.000 I don't know.

00:48:51.000 Oh, damn.

00:48:52.000 Did you see the one in there?

00:48:53.000 There's a newscaster talking about this guy who had done something like that on this long hike.

00:49:00.000 But the amazing thing is that he's gay.

00:49:02.000 No, he's blind.

00:49:03.000 I mean, he's blind.

00:49:04.000 Oh, I saw that.

00:49:07.000 She says it like that!

00:49:09.000 He's gay!

00:49:12.000 The horror in her face when she realized that she said gay instead of blind, like, oh my god.

00:49:21.000 How do you get the gay from blind, though?

00:49:23.000 Panic!

00:49:23.000 Do you know how many people panic when the camera's on them?

00:49:26.000 They just panic.

00:49:27.000 They don't know what they're saying.

00:49:27.000 If you misspeak, it's bad enough.

00:49:29.000 You go, the amazing thing is that he's house.

00:49:31.000 You're like, oh, that didn't make it.

00:49:32.000 Sorry about that.

00:49:32.000 But when you say that, you're like, fuck!

00:49:35.000 Fuck, it makes sense.

00:49:36.000 If you misspeak, if you say something and as you're saying it, you're like, this doesn't make sense.

00:49:40.000 But it's chink in the armor.

00:49:42.000 You're like, oh, Jesus Christ.

00:49:43.000 Yeah.

00:49:44.000 Think about that fucking...

00:49:45.000 The baseball Hall of Fame guy must have been like, holy...

00:49:49.000 As soon as they fucking went like, all right, we're done with that segment, just like...

00:49:53.000 Yeah.

00:49:54.000 Yikes.

00:49:55.000 The best one ever is...

00:49:57.000 They're live.

00:49:58.000 They had a live feed before the game.

00:50:00.000 Fag capital of the world.

00:50:01.000 This guy, his baseball announcer's on and he just goes, Kansas City, fag capital of the world.

00:50:06.000 Cincinnati.

00:50:07.000 Doesn't matter.

00:50:08.000 Five minutes later.

00:50:10.000 He's warmed up his mouth.

00:50:12.000 He's getting ready to start the broadcast.

00:50:13.000 And he doesn't know the broadcast is already live.

00:50:14.000 Fag capital of the world.

00:50:16.000 No, he's not doing that.

00:50:16.000 Hi, everybody!

00:50:17.000 He's talking.

00:50:18.000 He's talking to the guy with him up in the booth.

00:50:19.000 He didn't know it was a hot mic.

00:50:20.000 And they were like, it was like B-roll of the stadium before the game.

00:50:23.000 And you just hear the announcer go, Fag capital of the world.

00:50:26.000 And then he gets fired in like the fifth inning.

00:50:29.000 And he has an apology.

00:50:30.000 He's like, I'm so sorry if you never want to work with me again, all this.

00:50:34.000 Cassiano hits a home run in the middle of his apology.

00:50:37.000 He's going, to my wife and my kids, I love you.

00:50:39.000 Deep drive, that thing's out.

00:50:40.000 He fucking calls a home run.

00:50:42.000 He did his job.

00:50:43.000 He went down, he went out doing his job.

00:50:46.000 What do you think happens to a guy like that?

00:50:48.000 He's doing a TV show with Joe List.

00:50:53.000 Oh, that's right.

00:50:54.000 I had a comment earlier tonight that I guess went out over the year that I am deeply ashamed of.

00:51:03.000 If I have heard anyone out there...

00:51:05.000 That blows, dude.

00:51:06.000 Now he's working at Gas Digital.

00:51:08.000 This is the best.

00:51:12.000 I pride myself and think of myself as a man of faith.

00:51:17.000 Gasianos, let's go.

00:51:26.000 He's on autopilot.

00:51:27.000 He's got to do it.

00:51:28.000 He's been doing this for 30 years.

00:51:30.000 Good for him.

00:51:32.000 Whatever happened to that guy?

00:51:34.000 He's doing a show at Joe List.

00:51:36.000 For real?

00:51:37.000 Yeah.

00:51:38.000 Like a minor league.

00:51:39.000 Yes, he is.

00:51:40.000 He's going to minor league stadiums.

00:51:41.000 Joe's taking batting practice at minor league stadiums.

00:51:44.000 He got a jersey for the Montana...

00:51:45.000 That's right.

00:51:46.000 The Whitefish.

00:51:47.000 They put him in.

00:51:48.000 Does Joe List have some baseball fantasy?

00:51:50.000 He's a hell of an announcer.

00:51:52.000 Yeah, he's got a great voice.

00:51:53.000 And a good dancer and a singer.

00:51:55.000 But he's like, this is my co-host.

00:51:58.000 That guy.

00:51:58.000 I was like, where do I know that name?

00:51:59.000 He's like, think about it.

00:52:02.000 Oh, man.

00:52:03.000 The thing is, there's so many people out there.

00:52:08.000 There's so many people out there that can do that job.

00:52:12.000 Eh, some are better than others.

00:52:14.000 Some are better than others.

00:52:14.000 John Miller's the best ever.

00:52:15.000 Baseball's tough, too.

00:52:17.000 It's basically like a podcast, because it's such a boring fucking game.

00:52:20.000 You gotta just talk.

00:52:21.000 You gotta be on.

00:52:22.000 Funny.

00:52:23.000 Captivating.

00:52:26.000 Yeah.

00:52:26.000 That's interesting.

00:52:28.000 Baseball's slow.

00:52:28.000 Hockey's...

00:52:29.000 Fighting is easy.

00:52:30.000 Hockey's hard.

00:52:31.000 Fighting is easy because it's all happening.

00:52:33.000 Right.

00:52:33.000 It's like the excitement is not you talking.

00:52:35.000 It's all happening.

00:52:36.000 So you just have to describe what's going on.

00:52:39.000 But what if they're just kind of circling?

00:52:41.000 But they want to put it on the ground.

00:52:42.000 Do you guys have to go, oh, he's circling, so...

00:52:45.000 No, you just talk about what he's trying to do.

00:52:48.000 Like how he's trying to set something up.

00:52:49.000 What do you see in the movement?

00:52:51.000 What do you see in the way they're interacting with each other?

00:52:53.000 What patterns do you see?

00:52:55.000 You see thousands of fights, you see patterns.

00:52:57.000 You see when someone's starting to set things up, you see someone who's pressing, someone who's biting on feints, you see things.

00:53:03.000 But I also see some announcers be like, so they start talking about his past and how he came up and how he trains.

00:53:08.000 Yeah, sometimes you do that, and it's all free flow.

00:53:11.000 You don't know what you're gonna say.

00:53:13.000 That's why Anik is the best.

00:53:14.000 He's the best.

00:53:15.000 That guy, John Anik, is the fucking goat.

00:53:17.000 When you take me to those fights and I see that guy work, it's fucking crazy.

00:53:21.000 It's so much harder than what I do.

00:53:22.000 Why is he so good?

00:53:23.000 He's the goat.

00:53:24.000 He's the best.

00:53:25.000 First of all, he's the smoothest.

00:53:26.000 He's the most knowledgeable.

00:53:28.000 He's the best at recall.

00:53:30.000 He never flubs any of his lines.

00:53:33.000 Everything is smooth as fuck.

00:53:34.000 He knows when to get in.

00:53:35.000 He knows when to get out.

00:53:36.000 He knows when to set you up.

00:53:38.000 He's so aware of, like, if something goes to the ground.

00:53:41.000 Like, DC's explaining wrestling positions.

00:53:44.000 He never gets in the way.

00:53:45.000 He's just the fucking man.

00:53:47.000 And he loves the sport.

00:53:49.000 My favorite about him is watching him when you guys start the main event broadcast.

00:53:53.000 You see him, like, because it's so loud.

00:53:55.000 You guys can't hear each other.

00:53:56.000 He's got an earpiece in.

00:53:57.000 And they're like...

00:53:59.000 He's just like, we are live from fucking time.

00:54:01.000 Yeah, we are.

00:54:02.000 We are.

00:54:02.000 We are pieces in.

00:54:03.000 You see him turn it on.

00:54:04.000 Yeah.

00:54:04.000 When people say, like, why are you yelling during the broadcast?

00:54:07.000 Because I can't even fucking hear myself.

00:54:08.000 In the middle of the day.

00:54:09.000 In the beginning, when the UFC's about to go live on pay-per-view, especially, like, a big show.

00:54:14.000 They still do that Who song?

00:54:15.000 And he's playing the Who song?

00:54:16.000 They still do that?

00:54:16.000 Oh, yeah.

00:54:17.000 It's like, we're starting now.

00:54:19.000 It's such a good ending.

00:54:20.000 The Who song is the sickest shit.

00:54:22.000 Which song is it?

00:54:23.000 That's Bob O'Reilly.

00:54:24.000 And it has all the highlights of like 30 years of crazy fights.

00:54:29.000 And they line it up to by like...

00:54:30.000 It's incredible.

00:54:33.000 It's incredible.

00:54:35.000 I love it.

00:54:36.000 If you're ever working out, you can put that on a loop and just fucking go for hours.

00:54:39.000 They change out the video all the time.

00:54:41.000 Yeah, they're always adding new highlights, new things.

00:54:44.000 It's the shit.

00:54:45.000 Out of all the jobs that I have, like that one, I fucking never get tired of that.

00:54:50.000 It's cool as ever.

00:54:51.000 It's the best.

00:54:52.000 I always get excited.

00:54:53.000 That fucking Salt Lake City lineup I showed you.

00:54:56.000 Bananas!

00:54:57.000 Justin Gaethje versus Dustin Poirier.

00:54:59.000 Yeah, my two favorites.

00:55:00.000 Gaethje is my favorite.

00:55:02.000 Holy shit.

00:55:02.000 Yeah, the whole fucking card is bananas.

00:55:05.000 That's a big one, man.

00:55:06.000 Oh, yeah.

00:55:07.000 That's a big one.

00:55:07.000 When's that?

00:55:08.000 Salt Lake City.

00:55:09.000 I think it's July?

00:55:10.000 July 29, I believe.

00:55:11.000 I'm going July 8th.

00:55:13.000 Are you?

00:55:13.000 Let's go.

00:55:14.000 I'm doing shows in Vegas.

00:55:16.000 I texted you.

00:55:16.000 That's right.

00:55:17.000 Where are you doing?

00:55:19.000 Or if you were doing any?

00:55:21.000 Well, if I did a theater, I would do that place at the Mirage.

00:55:24.000 I like that place a lot.

00:55:25.000 I think I'm doing that.

00:55:26.000 That's the one Ron White always does.

00:55:27.000 That place is the shit.

00:55:29.000 But last time I did the MGM Grand Arena, and that was pretty badass, too.

00:55:32.000 I'm not gonna do that one.

00:55:33.000 I bet you could.

00:55:34.000 I bet you'd be surprised.

00:55:36.000 I bet you could.

00:55:37.000 I'm gonna do that theater.

00:55:38.000 Yeah, there's another theater that I did, too, that's like 4,000.

00:55:41.000 What is that one?

00:55:42.000 The one that's sort of connected to the MGM? No, no, the other one.

00:55:47.000 There's another one.

00:55:49.000 There's a theater, like, it's a really nice theater.

00:55:51.000 We hold the weigh-ins there sometimes.

00:55:53.000 I forget the name of it.

00:55:53.000 Weigh-ins brothers?

00:55:54.000 It's not the Cirque du Soleil one?

00:55:56.000 No, no, [...

00:55:58.000 It's like the something point theater, something.

00:56:01.000 We've had the...

00:56:01.000 Oh, at the Park MGM? That's right, Park MGM. That place is dope.

00:56:04.000 That's a really good theater.

00:56:06.000 That's like...

00:56:06.000 Was it like 4700 capacity?

00:56:09.000 That's a good one.

00:56:10.000 I gotta get back to Vegas.

00:56:11.000 But the Mirage is the shit.

00:56:13.000 You can't beat that Mirage.

00:56:14.000 That fucking Terry Fedor room is perfect.

00:56:17.000 It's angled.

00:56:19.000 It sets up for you.

00:56:20.000 What do you got?

00:56:20.000 Is this the card?

00:56:22.000 Look at that.

00:56:23.000 Alexander Volkanovski vs.

00:56:25.000 Yaya Rodriguez.

00:56:26.000 Whitaker's a killer.

00:56:29.000 Oh, Hooker!

00:56:30.000 That guy won't go down.

00:56:31.000 Bo Nickel, let's go, dude!

00:56:33.000 Oh, yeah, man.

00:56:34.000 Nickel and dime.

00:56:35.000 Jalen Turner vs.

00:56:37.000 Dan Hooker is a great fucking fight, too.

00:56:38.000 Oh, yeah.

00:56:39.000 Holy shit, that's a great fight.

00:56:40.000 Yeah.

00:56:41.000 Well, I'll be there.

00:56:42.000 Brandon Moreno vs.

00:56:43.000 Pantoja, that's a fucking great fight.

00:56:45.000 You plan that gig around this?

00:56:47.000 Have you seen Yair Rodriguez fight?

00:56:49.000 No.

00:56:50.000 Yair Rodriguez is one of the wildest motherfuckers that's ever fought in MMA. Go to a Yair Rodriguez highlight.

00:56:57.000 Yair has some of the craziest kicks.

00:56:59.000 He's got this Taekwondo background, but he does all this wild shit.

00:57:03.000 He hit BJ Penn with a 360 roundhouse kick.

00:57:06.000 He's around that long?

00:57:07.000 He spins 300...

00:57:08.000 He fucked BJ Penn up.

00:57:10.000 Oh, damn.

00:57:10.000 It was BJ towards the end.

00:57:11.000 Look at this.

00:57:12.000 Look at this motherfucker.

00:57:13.000 Oh, off the top of the dome.

00:57:14.000 He kicked him with the right and then in the air hits him with the left.

00:57:17.000 He's a beast.

00:57:19.000 He's so dynamic.

00:57:21.000 Wow, that's a tall Mexican.

00:57:22.000 His striking end is on the ground.

00:57:24.000 He's fucking...

00:57:25.000 He finished Josh Emmett with a triangle in his last fight.

00:57:28.000 On the ground, he's nasty.

00:57:29.000 Oh, this is old.

00:57:30.000 Bro, he is fucking wicked.

00:57:33.000 He's wicked and he's really hard to figure out because everything he does is different than anything.

00:57:39.000 Look at that.

00:57:40.000 Behind the back kick.

00:57:43.000 Back that up.

00:57:43.000 Look at that.

00:57:44.000 Look at that.

00:57:45.000 Behind the back, swings around, does like a spinning back kick to the supporting leg.

00:57:49.000 Watch that again.

00:57:50.000 Look how creative this fucking guy is.

00:57:53.000 Nobody does that.

00:57:54.000 Let me see that again.

00:57:55.000 Back it up.

00:57:55.000 Look at that.

00:57:56.000 Behind the back and then spinning back fist.

00:57:58.000 Fucking genius.

00:58:01.000 Fucking genius man.

00:58:03.000 That reminds me of something I would do though.

00:58:04.000 You would crush it.

00:58:05.000 You should join the UFC bro.

00:58:06.000 Watch this elbow.

00:58:07.000 Look at this.

00:58:08.000 Boom.

00:58:10.000 Check this out.

00:58:11.000 The guy's chasing him.

00:58:12.000 He does a spitting elbow.

00:58:13.000 Look at that.

00:58:14.000 Boom.

00:58:14.000 I remember that.

00:58:15.000 That's a famous clip.

00:58:16.000 An up elbow.

00:58:17.000 He's so dynamic.

00:58:18.000 You didn't even see it.

00:58:19.000 Was that the zombie?

00:58:19.000 Look at this shit.

00:58:21.000 Flying, jumping roundhouse kick.

00:58:23.000 What the fuck is this guy's problem, dude?

00:58:25.000 Bro, he's so good.

00:58:26.000 Should be arrested for that.

00:58:27.000 And off his back.

00:58:29.000 He's fucking nasty with submissions.

00:58:31.000 He does everything, man.

00:58:32.000 Yair Rodriguez is a motherfucker.

00:58:34.000 He's gonna be cool.

00:58:35.000 And he's a guy that had his ups and downs in the UFC. He had some fights where he got dominated by wrestlers.

00:58:43.000 Where he really had, you know, Frankie Edgar fucked him up.

00:58:47.000 Took him down, beat the shit out of him.

00:58:48.000 He's been around a while.

00:58:50.000 He looks young.

00:58:50.000 I feel like I remember his name.

00:58:51.000 He's fairly young because he got into the UFC fairly young.

00:58:54.000 He's famous.

00:58:54.000 He's really good, man.

00:58:56.000 He had a back and forth with Max Holloway.

00:58:58.000 He was down to a wire.

00:58:59.000 Holloway's a beast.

00:59:00.000 Yeah, he was on the 2014 Ultimate Fighter.

00:59:04.000 Yair.

00:59:05.000 He won that.

00:59:06.000 He threw up once when I was interviewing him.

00:59:08.000 Oh, that's Jamar Neighbors.

00:59:10.000 Bro, he's so good, dude.

00:59:11.000 This dude's so good.

00:59:12.000 He's just so different than anybody else.

00:59:15.000 And he's a really good grappler, too.

00:59:17.000 That's what's crazy.

00:59:17.000 It's like, usually when guys are that good at striking, their submissions aren't top-notch, but he's got everything.

00:59:24.000 He's not really a wrestler, but he can wrestle, but my God, his fucking kicking's off the charts.

00:59:29.000 Look at the distance.

00:59:31.000 See, in that distance, you're fucked.

00:59:33.000 Because he's...

00:59:35.000 That guy's good, too.

00:59:36.000 Actually, he's getting popped.

00:59:38.000 Well, this is the rise of him.

00:59:42.000 So this is how he won the ultimate fighter.

00:59:44.000 He won that.

00:59:45.000 And then, you know, you just get to see some highlights from some of his fights.

00:59:50.000 But Volkanovski's the baddest motherfucker alive.

00:59:53.000 That's what I was saying.

00:59:54.000 That fight is incredible.

00:59:55.000 That's going to be fun.

00:59:56.000 But Volkanovski's pound for pound number one.

00:59:58.000 Volkanovski's the man.

00:59:59.000 What?

00:59:59.000 Number one?

01:00:00.000 Yeah.

01:00:01.000 He lost to...

01:00:02.000 Here it is.

01:00:04.000 Islam Akachev.

01:00:06.000 Very, very close fight.

01:00:07.000 Barely.

01:00:08.000 Barely lost.

01:00:08.000 I thought he edged him, but it was a very, very good fight.

01:00:11.000 And then you look at Volkanovski, you know, at 145, and he's just unprecedented.

01:00:17.000 He storms the gates.

01:00:18.000 Look at that.

01:00:18.000 Yeah, dude.

01:00:20.000 Wow.

01:00:20.000 Off the chin.

01:00:22.000 But back up that fight.

01:00:24.000 Does it show the 360 roundhouse kick he hit B.J. with?

01:00:27.000 Jesus.

01:00:27.000 Call that.

01:00:28.000 But look how he does that, that round kick to the straight punch in the same motion.

01:00:33.000 Wow.

01:00:33.000 Like the kick lands and the punch is right behind you.

01:00:35.000 Straight into Big Brother punches.

01:00:36.000 He's so nasty.

01:00:37.000 He's so nasty.

01:00:39.000 He's got Lugy coming next.

01:00:41.000 He's going to do a finger up the butt.

01:00:44.000 Big Brother punches.

01:00:47.000 Alright, call it, will ya?

01:00:49.000 What year was this?

01:00:51.000 That was when BJ went to 145. And BJ at 145 was very depleted.

01:00:58.000 It was not a good move for him to get down to that weight class.

01:01:00.000 GSP said he was the toughest fighter he's ever fought.

01:01:02.000 Yeah, when BJ was 155. But as he got older, he tried the lower weight classes.

01:01:07.000 Tied it down with bigger guys.

01:01:10.000 His body wasn't the same anymore.

01:01:12.000 He was so good.

01:01:13.000 BJ was the motherfucker when he was in his prime.

01:01:16.000 Hawaiian.

01:01:17.000 But I always say that like you got to look at a guy like in their prime, like Mike Tyson in his prime.

01:01:21.000 You got to look at them like in their prime.

01:01:23.000 And then stop watching them.

01:01:24.000 Yeah, you can't look at them when they're deteriorated and say, oh, overall they didn't.

01:01:28.000 Because overall you're correct.

01:01:29.000 But if you want to look at the greatest expression of martial arts.

01:01:32.000 Right, but if he had just retired.

01:01:33.000 Right.

01:01:33.000 Then you'd still only look at the primes.

01:01:35.000 Just look at that part.

01:01:36.000 Yeah.

01:01:36.000 I would say the same for comedians.

01:01:37.000 Yep.

01:01:38.000 Oh, yeah.

01:01:38.000 Comedians really fall off.

01:01:40.000 Well, Kinnison's my favorite example of that.

01:01:42.000 Kinnison is a great example.

01:01:44.000 Did you know that what it's called?

01:01:46.000 What's happening?

01:01:46.000 Lock it with some prayer?

01:01:49.000 Oh, yeah.

01:01:50.000 This is the Utah card.

01:01:52.000 Look, this is the one I was talking about.

01:01:53.000 This is the card.

01:01:54.000 Tony?

01:01:55.000 Every one is killer.

01:01:56.000 Let me tell you something.

01:01:57.000 Bohovich at 205 is so fucking scary.

01:02:00.000 And for Alex to go right up and fight him.

01:02:03.000 Derrick Lewis.

01:02:03.000 Derrick Lewis and Marcos Rogerio DeLima.

01:02:06.000 That's a great fight, too.

01:02:07.000 I'd love to kiss Wonderboy.

01:02:08.000 Michael Chiesa and Kevin Holland.

01:02:09.000 That's a fucking great fight, too.

01:02:11.000 Wonderboy is so cute.

01:02:12.000 Holy shit, dude.

01:02:12.000 Wonderboy is the man, dude.

01:02:13.000 Cool dude.

01:02:15.000 Scroll back up.

01:02:16.000 And he's funny, too.

01:02:17.000 You're going to that one, Mark?

01:02:18.000 Blachowicz and Pejeda.

01:02:20.000 Bro, you're going.

01:02:21.000 I'd love to go.

01:02:22.000 That's a crazy fight, because you can't fuck up with Blachowicz.

01:02:25.000 That guy throws thunder.

01:02:27.000 Let's do a Wise Guys show and then pop over here.

01:02:29.000 That would be a good time.

01:02:30.000 Let's get Pereira Izzy going.

01:02:32.000 It's right there, right?

01:02:33.000 Pereira Izzy going again?

01:02:34.000 Right there by the stadium.

01:02:35.000 Why wouldn't they go three?

01:02:36.000 Well, because I don't think Pejeda really wants him.

01:02:39.000 It's absolutely brutal.

01:02:41.000 And there's a lot of speculation as to that's why.

01:02:43.000 Well, first of all, Israel hit him with the perfect punch.

01:02:47.000 It was perfect.

01:02:48.000 It was perfect.

01:02:48.000 The follow-up was perfect.

01:02:49.000 It was a beautiful knockout.

01:02:50.000 It was cool.

01:02:51.000 Spectacular.

01:02:52.000 But a lot of people are speculating that he doesn't take a punch that well because he cuts so much weight.

01:03:00.000 Interesting.

01:03:01.000 Oh, Perea?

01:03:01.000 Yeah.

01:03:03.000 He'd be better if he was...

01:03:04.000 He walks around way over 205. He walks around like 230. It just seemed like they...

01:03:08.000 He's huge.

01:03:08.000 It just seemed like they immediately got rid of the idea of a trilogy immediately.

01:03:12.000 Yeah.

01:03:12.000 You know what I mean?

01:03:13.000 Like, as soon as the fight ended, they were like, what are you doing next?

01:03:15.000 Not even a mention of...

01:03:17.000 Yeah.

01:03:17.000 And everyone was like, no.

01:03:19.000 It's 1-1 in MMA, and it's 3-2, right?

01:03:24.000 Overall?

01:03:24.000 Yeah, 3-2 overall.

01:03:25.000 Anyone?

01:03:26.000 I already got some.

01:03:27.000 Not now.

01:03:27.000 You already did some?

01:03:28.000 Let's go.

01:03:29.000 What?

01:03:29.000 I'll take a little.

01:03:30.000 I'll take a nibble.

01:03:31.000 A little nibble.

01:03:32.000 Let's go.

01:03:33.000 I'm still trying to wake up from that hangover.

01:03:35.000 That's a big fight for Pejera to go up to 205 and to fight Borovic.

01:03:40.000 Eat it.

01:03:41.000 That's a big test.

01:03:42.000 I'm excited about that one.

01:03:47.000 What's up with these chocolates?

01:03:48.000 Were these the ones we were eating last time?

01:03:49.000 Mm-hmm.

01:03:50.000 Be careful.

01:03:51.000 Volkanovski's funny too.

01:03:52.000 Oh, he's hilarious.

01:03:54.000 Volkanovski and Tua are the fucking bros.

01:03:56.000 Oh, Tua, the old shoe drink.

01:03:58.000 Half?

01:03:59.000 Was that a lot?

01:04:00.000 No, half's nothing.

01:04:01.000 Do you mean Tui Vasa?

01:04:02.000 Tai Tui Vasa?

01:04:03.000 Yeah.

01:04:03.000 You mean David Tui was another one, the boxer.

01:04:06.000 No, the shoe guy.

01:04:07.000 Yeah.

01:04:08.000 That's disgusting.

01:04:10.000 Do a shoeie when you're in Australia.

01:04:11.000 Bert Kreischer was saying he got a throat infection from doing shoeies in Australia.

01:04:14.000 Oh, that's from Blowing Dudes.

01:04:16.000 Yeah, I'm Blowing Dudes.

01:04:16.000 Yeah.

01:04:17.000 Really?

01:04:17.000 Yeah.

01:04:17.000 Australia is down under.

01:04:18.000 He didn't understand what it meant.

01:04:21.000 It means sucking dicks.

01:04:23.000 Thank you, Mr. They tried to get me to do a shoeie when I was there.

01:04:27.000 What'd you do?

01:04:28.000 I said, no, on stage.

01:04:30.000 Tai Tuivasa tried to drink a beer out of my shoe.

01:04:32.000 Tai tried to drink a beer out of my shoe in a post-fight interview.

01:04:35.000 No way.

01:04:36.000 I'm like, dude, I'm wearing that.

01:04:37.000 Why not?

01:04:37.000 I have to wear that, because I have to walk around.

01:04:38.000 It's disgusting.

01:04:40.000 I don't support that.

01:04:41.000 Somebody just get you shoes, dude.

01:04:41.000 I don't support that behavior.

01:04:42.000 You don't?

01:04:43.000 That's the cool shit they do.

01:04:44.000 I don't think so.

01:04:45.000 I could see Shane doing it.

01:04:47.000 I could see Shane in the show just like, no.

01:04:51.000 No chance on it.

01:04:51.000 I said no.

01:04:52.000 Those guys, they huck Louie's?

01:04:54.000 Yeah, they spit into it.

01:04:55.000 Yeah, that's the thing.

01:04:56.000 If you watch Tuivasa do it, Volk will be standing there with him going into it.

01:05:01.000 What?

01:05:01.000 No, they huck Louie's.

01:05:04.000 What?

01:05:04.000 Big, thick ones.

01:05:05.000 You should respect each other.

01:05:06.000 They probably drink milk so they have extra phlegm.

01:05:08.000 That's not friendly.

01:05:09.000 That's gayer than jizz.

01:05:11.000 Is it?

01:05:11.000 Yeah, drinking milk from it?

01:05:13.000 A hock-a-loo?

01:05:14.000 Yeah, a spit in your mouth is gay.

01:05:17.000 That's less gay.

01:05:18.000 Spit in your mouth?

01:05:19.000 Yeah, I think sucking someone's cock and cum coming in your mouth is the most gay.

01:05:23.000 Well...

01:05:23.000 That's literally gay by definition.

01:05:24.000 You might have a point on that.

01:05:25.000 That's sound reason.

01:05:27.000 That is sound reason.

01:05:28.000 You know when you spell it out like that?

01:05:30.000 Yeah.

01:05:31.000 I guess in a way you're right.

01:05:33.000 Coming from a guy who watched people drink cum on TV. Kissing.

01:05:36.000 Oh yeah.

01:05:36.000 Yeah, you've seen it.

01:05:37.000 I watched people drink a glass of cum.

01:05:39.000 And that was bull cum.

01:05:41.000 Yeah, donkey.

01:05:42.000 Donkey cum.

01:05:43.000 Donkey cum.

01:05:43.000 You know why?

01:05:44.000 Because it's the cheapest.

01:05:45.000 Great punk band.

01:05:46.000 Because donkeys can't impregnate anybody.

01:05:48.000 Is that right?

01:05:49.000 Donkeys cum is useless.

01:05:50.000 Donkeys are mules and horses.

01:05:51.000 So if I put donkey jizz in a lady's veg, it won't knock her up?

01:05:54.000 Well, it might kill her.

01:05:56.000 Interesting.

01:05:57.000 Try it.

01:05:58.000 Imagine if it was one animal that could fuck a person but they never have before and one lady gets pregnant with a koala.

01:06:03.000 And like, oh shit.

01:06:04.000 Jesus Christ.

01:06:05.000 Adorable.

01:06:05.000 It's like one sperm that actually does work on human eggs.

01:06:09.000 Flights to Australia quadruple.

01:06:10.000 They would already be hybrids.

01:06:12.000 If that was the case, imagine if your jizz worked on everything.

01:06:16.000 We have universal jizz.

01:06:18.000 We have O positive blood.

01:06:20.000 I'm just learning it doesn't.

01:06:22.000 Imagine some people, if you have O positive blood, you could donate blood to anybody, right?

01:06:25.000 If you have universal jizz.

01:06:28.000 Yeah.

01:06:29.000 Everybody gets it.

01:06:30.000 It just works on everyone.

01:06:31.000 Dudes have jizzed on anthills.

01:06:33.000 Hey, you remember the old days?

01:06:34.000 Everything's getting it.

01:06:35.000 Do you remember the old days?

01:06:36.000 I don't know if you guys remember this, but they used to do tests on people to see if you could have kids together.

01:06:41.000 What?

01:06:42.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:06:43.000 Tay-Sax for Jews.

01:06:44.000 But I don't think it was real.

01:06:45.000 I don't think it really made sense.

01:06:46.000 To see if you were able to?

01:06:48.000 They would do blood tests on people to see if you should have kids together.

01:06:52.000 I remember this.

01:06:52.000 What?

01:06:52.000 It's a heartbreaking test.

01:06:53.000 Tay-Sax, I remember.

01:06:55.000 Not only that, I don't even think it's real.

01:06:57.000 No.

01:06:57.000 I don't think it works.

01:06:59.000 If it's safe for you to have kids together.

01:07:01.000 There was just something that they did, I think it was just nonsense.

01:07:03.000 It's weird how incest comes out.

01:07:05.000 I just vaguely remember that when I was a kid.

01:07:07.000 Uh-huh.

01:07:08.000 So see if you can find what that is.

01:07:09.000 Sounds like you had a weird camp counselor.

01:07:10.000 There was a genetic test, but I don't know if that's what they were doing back then.

01:07:12.000 Nah, they definitely weren't doing genetics.

01:07:14.000 How old were you that you knew about this?

01:07:15.000 I remember hearing about it when I was like 10 or something like that, going, what the fuck is that?

01:07:20.000 Yikes.

01:07:20.000 Who are you hanging out with?

01:07:21.000 Weirdos.

01:07:22.000 Fishing.

01:07:22.000 The guy when you were fishing.

01:07:23.000 Strange people.

01:07:24.000 Oh, yeah.

01:07:24.000 I was 13 with that guy.

01:07:27.000 The Hoover salesman from Different Strokes.

01:07:29.000 You're lucky you can't get pregnant, dude.

01:07:31.000 That guy was...

01:07:32.000 He'd be a mama.

01:07:34.000 Oh, yeah.

01:07:35.000 He's trying to give you the trout.

01:07:36.000 He's a big fellow, too.

01:07:38.000 Salmon.

01:07:40.000 The northern pike.

01:07:41.000 Salmon rusty.

01:07:42.000 He's giving you that northern pike, dude.

01:07:45.000 The old blowfish.

01:07:46.000 Hey, we should go fishing.

01:07:48.000 Oh, I'd love to go fishing.

01:07:49.000 Ari and I went fishing in Alaska.

01:07:52.000 Really?

01:07:52.000 We've got to do outside Salt Lake.

01:07:53.000 We haven't gone since then.

01:07:54.000 We haven't gone since then.

01:07:55.000 It was so fun.

01:07:56.000 We went salmon fishing.

01:07:57.000 We had such a blast.

01:07:58.000 We've got great pictures.

01:08:00.000 I'd love to do that.

01:08:00.000 We could eat it after.

01:08:02.000 Yeah, it was fun.

01:08:03.000 The mosquitoes were insane.

01:08:05.000 Insane.

01:08:06.000 In Alaska?

01:08:06.000 Yeah, they're terrible.

01:08:07.000 It's crazy.

01:08:08.000 What year was that?

01:08:11.000 2014, maybe?

01:08:12.000 We had bug spray, and look at that, Northern Pike eating another Northern Pike.

01:08:16.000 Wow!

01:08:17.000 It looks like a two docking.

01:08:22.000 Wow, look at that.

01:08:23.000 Is that the picture of Ari Salmon?

01:08:25.000 That's what it says.

01:08:25.000 Click on it.

01:08:26.000 Oh, is that right?

01:08:27.000 That can't be what it is.

01:08:29.000 No, if you go to Instagram, that's the actual picture.

01:08:31.000 Somebody else stuck that in there.

01:08:33.000 That's it.

01:08:33.000 Whoa!

01:08:33.000 You caught that?

01:08:34.000 Nice pull there, Jewface.

01:08:35.000 Big Jew.

01:08:37.000 2013. Wow.

01:08:38.000 13. 10 years ago, brother.

01:08:40.000 We haven't gone in 10 years.

01:08:41.000 We haven't gone since then.

01:08:42.000 It was so nice.

01:08:43.000 We saw a moose.

01:08:44.000 Yeah, we saw a moose.

01:08:45.000 Northern kike.

01:08:45.000 We saw eagles.

01:08:46.000 That was my first time to see eagles.

01:08:48.000 Damn.

01:08:48.000 That was my first time seeing an eagle in the wild.

01:08:51.000 It was just Ari's nose.

01:08:55.000 America!

01:08:56.000 Look, you get the Bud Light cans out.

01:08:58.000 You're not even hiding them anymore.

01:08:59.000 There's nothing to be ashamed of, dude.

01:09:00.000 I agree with you.

01:09:02.000 There's nothing to be ashamed of.

01:09:03.000 I feel like you should be the new spokesperson.

01:09:04.000 You can turn this motherfucker around.

01:09:05.000 They better hurry up and give me some money or I'm going to start drinking Coors.

01:09:08.000 We were talking about the ways they could turn it around last night, remember?

01:09:11.000 Yeah, you had a pretty good idea.

01:09:13.000 What was the idea?

01:09:15.000 No.

01:09:15.000 Okay.

01:09:16.000 Fair.

01:09:17.000 What is it?

01:09:17.000 It was an idea that if they did it, their stocks would go through the roof, but the country would actually...

01:09:22.000 Yeah.

01:09:23.000 It would start a war.

01:09:24.000 It would start off...

01:09:24.000 The most innocuous one I had was Pepe the Frog holding a Bud Light and it says, feels bad, man.

01:09:29.000 Yeah.

01:09:29.000 And Pepe...

01:09:30.000 Just release that.

01:09:31.000 People would go, I'm listening.

01:09:34.000 I'm listening.

01:09:35.000 Where you going with this?

01:09:36.000 Like if Bud Light turns full heel like Hulk Hogan did...

01:09:39.000 NWO? Hollywood?

01:09:41.000 With the black mustache, blonde hair.

01:09:45.000 They went full heel.

01:09:47.000 They did already have the frog stuff.

01:09:49.000 They do!

01:09:50.000 They have the rights!

01:09:54.000 Isn't it wild that that fucking poor dude, his car, that guy was like this little liberal fella.

01:09:59.000 It'd be funny if the frogs were like, sheen.

01:10:01.000 I don't allow that.

01:10:02.000 Then we're definitely going to use it.

01:10:04.000 And he tried to kill off his frogs if they're going to stop using it.

01:10:08.000 If you go to Truth Social, how many frog avatars are there?

01:10:13.000 It's quite a few.

01:10:14.000 It has to be, right?

01:10:15.000 I've never gone.

01:10:16.000 Where would you get the most frog avatar?

01:10:18.000 It would be a 4chan thing, more than anything, right?

01:10:21.000 They love picking out a random image and just saying, this now means this.

01:10:25.000 And it doesn't, but they're just like, this one was the greatest, the A-OK. That was Arabic.

01:10:31.000 You know about that one?

01:10:31.000 That one's insane.

01:10:32.000 That one's insane.

01:10:33.000 Which one?

01:10:34.000 White supremacy.

01:10:36.000 White power.

01:10:37.000 And that guy got fired, that truck driver.

01:10:39.000 A Mexican guy was like, hey, took a photo.

01:10:41.000 And they started showing Steph Curry doing this.

01:10:45.000 And they're like, wait, hold on.

01:10:46.000 Maybe we've got it wrong.

01:10:49.000 A lot of guys told me that if you do that on your pants, and someone looks, they hit you in the dick.

01:10:55.000 And the dick in the arm.

01:10:56.000 Ow, I didn't look!

01:10:58.000 Review the tape.

01:10:59.000 Review the tape!

01:11:00.000 I did not look!

01:11:01.000 Bro, he got a clean shot off of you.

01:11:03.000 Punch buggy.

01:11:04.000 Come on, dude.

01:11:04.000 I didn't look.

01:11:05.000 I didn't look.

01:11:06.000 So rude.

01:11:06.000 I didn't look.

01:11:07.000 I'll review the tape.

01:11:09.000 I might have punched you too hard.

01:11:11.000 My bad.

01:11:12.000 He slightly turned his head in a conversational manner in your direction.

01:11:17.000 Jamie, can you review the tape right now?

01:11:18.000 I can't do it.

01:11:19.000 I'm not sure I had the camera on you.

01:11:21.000 Too reflection, dude?

01:11:23.000 I don't even know what's down there.

01:11:24.000 Who did that?

01:11:25.000 When did that start?

01:11:26.000 I never was around.

01:11:27.000 That was big.

01:11:29.000 You didn't do that in high school?

01:11:31.000 No, I never did that.

01:11:31.000 That was huge in high school.

01:11:32.000 What's the capital of Thailand?

01:11:35.000 Get him.

01:11:41.000 That was a classic!

01:11:43.000 I was like, what's he doing?

01:11:45.000 What the fuck?

01:11:45.000 Me and Matt McCusker have been working on this one.

01:11:49.000 When you're ordering dinner and the waiter comes over and is like, what would you like for dinner?

01:11:56.000 You go, I'd like a hot dog.

01:11:58.000 Oh, that's fun.

01:12:00.000 And you sexually assault the waiter.

01:12:02.000 Jesus Christ!

01:12:03.000 You go, I'd like a hot dog.

01:12:05.000 He's got three bucks an hour.

01:12:06.000 Bro.

01:12:07.000 And now this.

01:12:08.000 He's gotta be nice because he still wants you to tip him.

01:12:10.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:12:11.000 He's like, alright guys.

01:12:13.000 Now I told you, I got Adam with it last night.

01:12:16.000 My dad.

01:12:17.000 This is one of the most uncomfortable things that's ever had.

01:12:20.000 We were at a fucking restaurant, and we're talking to the hostess.

01:12:24.000 This was like a very cute girl, and I was talking to her a little, and my dad came over and goes, Shane, you see where the horse bit me?

01:12:30.000 And he went like this, so I go, to look over his shoulder, and he goes...

01:12:38.000 Right in front of this girl.

01:12:39.000 That would have got me.

01:12:40.000 That's a good one.

01:12:41.000 You can get everybody.

01:12:42.000 What a misdirect.

01:12:43.000 You see where the horse bit me?

01:12:44.000 Or you go, dude, look how fucking sunburned I am.

01:12:46.000 Do girls do things like that?

01:12:48.000 No.

01:12:49.000 I hope so.

01:12:50.000 No.

01:12:50.000 I hope so.

01:12:51.000 They do not.

01:12:52.000 Grab each other's butts and boobs.

01:12:53.000 Girls will get mad at each other.

01:12:55.000 Give each other a vag grab.

01:12:56.000 No chance.

01:12:57.000 Hey, you fucking cunt.

01:12:58.000 It's disgusting.

01:12:59.000 Is it?

01:13:00.000 Grabbing your dicks okay?

01:13:01.000 Pussies in the wild?

01:13:02.000 Oh, in the wild.

01:13:04.000 I'm saying when you're out walking around, you touch one of those things, you go, oh my god.

01:13:07.000 It's very, it's like seafood.

01:13:09.000 Yeah, you gotta go home.

01:13:10.000 Octopus.

01:13:11.000 I like them.

01:13:12.000 I like pussies, too.

01:13:13.000 Okay.

01:13:14.000 I'm a fan.

01:13:14.000 I'm convinced.

01:13:17.000 We sound like the gayest guys.

01:13:19.000 I like pussies.

01:13:19.000 I actually love having sex.

01:13:21.000 Bro, there's this one guy that I knew was gay, but he didn't want to admit he was gay.

01:13:24.000 Jamie.

01:13:24.000 Everybody knew he was gay.

01:13:25.000 I mean, he was a great guy, but he told me this story about making out with this girl in a club.

01:13:30.000 And the way I describe it to my friends is like, if you told me all the words in French, but I didn't know what they meant, and I said them, even though I said them right, you'd be like, something's wrong.

01:13:39.000 Yeah, I saw her and just looked at me and just started fucking making out in the middle of the club.

01:13:46.000 I was like...

01:13:48.000 It was so hot, kissing.

01:13:49.000 I'm like, I don't think this happened, sir.

01:13:52.000 I do not think that- He's doing an impression of what he's overheard.

01:13:55.000 I support the gay community.

01:13:57.000 You don't have to do this to me.

01:13:58.000 Yeah, just be gay.

01:13:59.000 I like gay people.

01:14:00.000 It's fine, man.

01:14:00.000 It's fine.

01:14:01.000 You don't have to do this.

01:14:02.000 Be gay fucking rules.

01:14:03.000 Bro, the saddest shit ever, though, is gay guys that are in the closet.

01:14:06.000 That's tough.

01:14:07.000 We know a few of them.

01:14:07.000 That does suck.

01:14:08.000 Fuck.

01:14:09.000 Ari.

01:14:09.000 Because they can't, they just fucking, they've been holding onto it for so long.

01:14:14.000 You guys hide it.

01:14:15.000 Yeah, they're just used to it.

01:14:16.000 It's nutty.

01:14:18.000 Kevin Meany wait till his dad dies.

01:14:20.000 Fez wait till his dad dies.

01:14:21.000 I get that.

01:14:22.000 Imagine not knowing that Fez was gay.

01:14:25.000 Wow.

01:14:26.000 Imagine.

01:14:27.000 Wait, who's Fez?

01:14:28.000 Ronald Fez.

01:14:29.000 He's gay?

01:14:30.000 He was gay.

01:14:31.000 He was.

01:14:31.000 He's dead.

01:14:32.000 What?

01:14:32.000 Good.

01:14:32.000 What are you talking about?

01:14:33.000 Fez.

01:14:34.000 He was a walking trumpet.

01:14:38.000 Oh, Fez was gay!

01:14:40.000 I had no idea!

01:14:41.000 You could light a cigarette off of that dude.

01:14:44.000 Light a fag.

01:14:46.000 Alright, well, we're going to have to cut all this.

01:14:49.000 Don't let people know he's gay.

01:14:50.000 He's dead.

01:14:51.000 He was awesome.

01:14:52.000 He was.

01:14:52.000 What, did he get AIDS? Ron and Fez were great.

01:14:54.000 I used to love them.

01:14:55.000 They came out to O&A and it was like, wait, what's this now?

01:14:58.000 And Ron was a great, like, he was a real fan of comedy.

01:15:02.000 Shout out Radio Ron.

01:15:03.000 Good comic, too.

01:15:05.000 He does The Cellar all the time.

01:15:06.000 He's killer.

01:15:06.000 Oh, I didn't even know he was a comic.

01:15:08.000 Yeah.

01:15:09.000 Hilarious.

01:15:09.000 I didn't know Fez was gay.

01:15:10.000 That's awesome.

01:15:10.000 And he loves New York.

01:15:11.000 When they tore down the stand, because the whole building sold with the stand, was like, we have a five-year contract.

01:15:16.000 They're like, buy us out.

01:15:17.000 It's the only way.

01:15:18.000 And then they eventually tore it down.

01:15:19.000 He goes, yeah, so fucking rich people can live higher in the clouds.

01:15:21.000 Yeah.

01:15:25.000 I'm gonna fuck it up and I'm gonna make it not that funny, but it's a joke I think it's one of those jokes I think about constantly.

01:15:30.000 Ron has a joke about He was walking down the street in a crane in New York collapsed and almost fell like almost hit him He had to like run and he's like New York's so fucking crazy that I forgot that happened And then I was at home watching the news with his wife who he was with his wife or I don't know if he's married,

01:15:48.000 but he was like Oh shit, I was there.

01:15:51.000 I forgot.

01:15:53.000 Yeah, it makes me laugh.

01:15:54.000 Yeah, that's a good point.

01:15:54.000 He's very funny.

01:15:55.000 He had one, he had one, just about like, somebody called and was like, hey, you haven't been funny all morning.

01:16:00.000 And his response, he just goes, so?

01:16:04.000 It was such an end of the conversation.

01:16:06.000 Ron Bennington's Unmasked with Patrice O'Neil is the best.

01:16:11.000 Unmasked is so good.

01:16:12.000 He's Unmasked with Norton.

01:16:14.000 Everything I did on podcasting was just mimicked off that.

01:16:18.000 Great broadcaster.

01:16:19.000 Isn't that interesting what podcasting is now?

01:16:23.000 What that was?

01:16:25.000 It's an unusual thing.

01:16:28.000 Just sit down and just talk to someone one-on-one.

01:16:30.000 And as a young comic, there was none of that.

01:16:32.000 On comedy CDs?

01:16:34.000 I used to listen to that.

01:16:34.000 It was like Woody Allen, Seinfeld.

01:16:36.000 And now young comics have so much.

01:16:38.000 It's like a wealth that never ends.

01:16:40.000 They get to listen to us four masters.

01:16:42.000 Oh, yeah.

01:16:43.000 Yikes.

01:16:58.000 Yeah, they have so much more to go on.

01:17:00.000 So much more to watch, too.

01:17:01.000 That's the most amazing thing.

01:17:02.000 It was hard to get a hold of a good VHS back then.

01:17:07.000 You had to loan CDs to each other.

01:17:08.000 You heard a good CD of somebody.

01:17:11.000 I never even saw a comedy.

01:17:13.000 Yeah, right.

01:17:13.000 Only listen.

01:17:14.000 When did you see it?

01:17:17.000 The first two specials I remember was Dane Cook and Carlos Mencia's Comedy Central Presents.

01:17:23.000 Easy.

01:17:24.000 And I remember sitting there going, God damn, this is it.

01:17:27.000 That's the top of the mountain.

01:17:29.000 Yeah, I never saw shit.

01:17:30.000 Yeah, Comedy Central put a lot of stuff on for people who didn't have HBO. Yeah.

01:17:34.000 Oh yeah, those half hours were huge.

01:17:36.000 When I got on Comedy Central, I did my Comedy Central special on 2014. The idea was like, if I did it anywhere else, we'd get less people to see it.

01:17:43.000 More people would see it on Comedy Central.

01:17:44.000 That's crazy!

01:17:45.000 Comedy Central was huge back then.

01:17:46.000 Huge!

01:17:47.000 I watched all those.

01:17:47.000 Arch Barker, Doug Benson.

01:17:49.000 How did they fuck that up?

01:17:51.000 I'll tell ya.

01:17:51.000 They didn't adapt.

01:17:52.000 This is not happening.

01:17:54.000 When they got rid of Ari Shaffir, who was the host of This Is Not Happening, because he got a superior deal.

01:18:01.000 He got a superior deal at Netflix and they wouldn't allow him to continue to show.

01:18:05.000 It was nuts.

01:18:06.000 They were like, they lost their fucking minds.

01:18:07.000 Like you were saying, sometimes Jews hate Jews.

01:18:09.000 True.

01:18:10.000 It was Norwegians.

01:18:11.000 They didn't run that company.

01:18:13.000 Comedy Central was run by Norwegians?

01:18:14.000 The funniest people alive.

01:18:16.000 We were trying to figure out, you were going to pay everybody?

01:18:21.000 We're trying to figure out how to do it the right way.

01:18:24.000 They blackmailed me.

01:18:24.000 They were trying to hold it over my head.

01:18:25.000 They were going like, we're going to fire everybody, your whole crew that's been around for five years.

01:18:29.000 We're going to fire them with two weeks out.

01:18:30.000 Good luck paying their rent.

01:18:32.000 Damn!

01:18:32.000 Or you fucking comply.

01:18:34.000 They said it that way?

01:18:36.000 Yeah.

01:18:36.000 Jesus Christ.

01:18:37.000 Or you comply and you fucking turn down this Netflix deal.

01:18:39.000 What?

01:18:40.000 Yeah, I was like, no fucking way.

01:18:42.000 What?

01:18:42.000 Yeah, Rogan was like, I'll host an episode for free.

01:18:45.000 Wow.

01:18:45.000 I thought I'd help you.

01:18:46.000 I was like, okay.

01:18:47.000 You were going to do a bunch of people.

01:18:48.000 Yeah, I said, well, we'll get a bunch of people that are your friends.

01:18:51.000 We'll host them for free.

01:18:52.000 They go, no.

01:18:53.000 They were so mad.

01:18:54.000 Wow.

01:18:55.000 And then they...

01:18:56.000 They went full...

01:18:59.000 They just collapsed.

01:19:01.000 What are they doing now?

01:19:02.000 Nothing.

01:19:02.000 I mean, if you looked at the drop-off of Comedy Central, it's gotta be insane.

01:19:09.000 Dude, think about it.

01:19:09.000 They had Chappelle Show.

01:19:11.000 South Park and Chappelle Show.

01:19:13.000 Man Show.

01:19:13.000 Daily Show.

01:19:14.000 I was on South Park.

01:19:15.000 It's probably the only thing that keeps them alive.

01:19:18.000 I think they're more...

01:19:19.000 They're just a studio now.

01:19:20.000 They take their stuff and sell it off.

01:19:22.000 They make more money.

01:19:23.000 Tosh.0 was gigantic.

01:19:25.000 What happened to Tosh?

01:19:25.000 What's he doing?

01:19:26.000 He's around.

01:19:27.000 He's so funny.

01:19:28.000 He's hilarious.

01:19:29.000 He's an underrated comic.

01:19:30.000 Most underrated.

01:19:31.000 Solid comic.

01:19:32.000 Great comic.

01:19:33.000 Is he doing stand-up?

01:19:33.000 Because he's so known for the show that people...

01:19:35.000 I don't know.

01:19:36.000 I don't know.

01:19:37.000 I think that rape thing fucked him up.

01:19:39.000 No.

01:19:39.000 What happened?

01:19:40.000 The joke he had about that joke was great.

01:19:42.000 Oh, yeah, but I had a joke about that, too.

01:19:45.000 About his thing?

01:19:46.000 Yeah, about the cancel thing.

01:19:47.000 That was 2014. Yeah.

01:19:48.000 It was early.

01:19:49.000 Yeah.

01:19:49.000 I feel like he fell off after that.

01:19:51.000 There was a petition to get him fired and take the show away.

01:19:53.000 I don't think that he fell off, dude.

01:19:54.000 I think he's doing all these theaters.

01:19:56.000 Oh, okay, okay.

01:19:57.000 Good for him.

01:19:58.000 He's on the road, fucking sold out places, going, what the fuck are these guys doing?

01:20:01.000 Oh, he's doing the Mirage.

01:20:02.000 He's doing the Mirage, yeah.

01:20:03.000 There you go.

01:20:04.000 All right, good for Tosh.

01:20:05.000 Peace.

01:20:06.000 Still killing it.

01:20:07.000 That was one I listened to constantly.

01:20:09.000 That was like when I was in college, when he was...

01:20:11.000 They had great writers.

01:20:12.000 I was just listening to all of his albums.

01:20:14.000 Same.

01:20:15.000 He was so good.

01:20:16.000 He has a new spell.

01:20:16.000 Not new, but his latest.

01:20:18.000 Yeah, it was great.

01:20:19.000 It's great, but no one talked about it.

01:20:20.000 It was on Comedy Central, that's why.

01:20:22.000 It's called People Pleaser.

01:20:23.000 It's so funny.

01:20:24.000 It's like Rory Wood.

01:20:25.000 They locked him up in this deal, and then the whole thing collapsed, and he's like, it's still like, I guess I'm still supposed to perform at the World Trade Center.

01:20:32.000 Right.

01:20:33.000 So here's what's fucked up, is that you didn't have a deal to do a special there.

01:20:38.000 You didn't have an exclusive deal.

01:20:40.000 That was so insidious about it.

01:20:42.000 You had the option to go other places.

01:20:45.000 I could do whatever I wanted.

01:20:46.000 Exactly.

01:20:46.000 And they're like, no way.

01:20:47.000 And then they said, I was like, guys, it'll bring more viewers to the show.

01:20:50.000 They go, we think our show will bring more viewers to Netflix.

01:20:54.000 Which at the time.

01:20:56.000 Good call.

01:20:57.000 What?

01:20:58.000 All of them work at Netflix now, by the way.

01:21:00.000 Yeah, some of them do.

01:21:01.000 That's the thing about all of them.

01:21:02.000 They all get to, they just get to pack, like they go somewhere else.

01:21:05.000 Exactly.

01:21:05.000 They go to work in comedy.

01:21:06.000 Yeah, exactly.

01:21:07.000 They go to something else.

01:21:07.000 You know what I should have done?

01:21:08.000 I didn't do it.

01:21:09.000 What I should have done is I have access to a giant platform.

01:21:11.000 I'm just going to go and publicly say to the public.

01:21:14.000 I guess that's how you say it.

01:21:16.000 They're like, hey, they're doing this.

01:21:17.000 What do you guys think?

01:21:18.000 Mm-hmm.

01:21:19.000 Yeah.

01:21:19.000 Maybe we should have done that.

01:21:20.000 I stayed quiet.

01:21:21.000 Yeah, I should have gone wild with it.

01:21:23.000 Well, you were still trying to salvage it.

01:21:25.000 I was going to pay everybody.

01:21:26.000 I was like, sweet, I'll sell it.

01:21:28.000 I was going to borrow a bunch of money from you.

01:21:32.000 They're like, why would he give it to you?

01:21:33.000 I'm like, he'll give it to me.

01:21:34.000 I'll pay it back, but he'll give it to me.

01:21:36.000 And then just pay all these employees and be like, no, I'm still doing my...

01:21:40.000 Yeah, we talked about that.

01:21:41.000 I was totally willing to do that.

01:21:42.000 We're just going to pay him off.

01:21:44.000 Yeah, you were the first guy to do the, you didn't get hired, then you got a bunch of views on YouTube, then you got hired.

01:21:50.000 Yeah, that's right.

01:21:51.000 Yeah.

01:21:51.000 I had to go around the system to get Norman on.

01:21:53.000 They were like, we can't fly anybody out.

01:21:55.000 Yeah.

01:21:56.000 And I was like, Norman, can you just plan a trip to LA? And I did.

01:21:59.000 And be like an LA hire?

01:22:00.000 And you were like, yeah, okay.

01:22:01.000 I also fucked the makeup girl.

01:22:03.000 Hey, easy.

01:22:04.000 Sick, dude.

01:22:05.000 That one stripper really liked you.

01:22:06.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, well.

01:22:08.000 You're a handsome devil, dude.

01:22:09.000 You are, you cute little butt.

01:22:11.000 Then they, god damn, they gotta hang out with you.

01:22:13.000 That's tough.

01:22:15.000 Then they see the pack of notes and they start to reconsider.

01:22:19.000 He made the pack smaller after we criticized him.

01:22:21.000 It got through to him.

01:22:23.000 Well, I got made fun of on the road.

01:22:24.000 He was like, pull out the joke book!

01:22:25.000 And they would all die laughing.

01:22:27.000 So I cut it down.

01:22:29.000 That's way less crazy.

01:22:31.000 Please let him see it.

01:22:32.000 The wallet, though.

01:22:34.000 What the fuck is in your wallet?

01:22:37.000 What is in there?

01:22:39.000 Jesus Christ, dude.

01:22:40.000 Business cards, newspapers.

01:22:42.000 What do you call it?

01:22:42.000 Spot pay.

01:22:45.000 Why don't you get a money clip?

01:22:47.000 Huh?

01:22:48.000 You don't know what a money clip is?

01:22:49.000 I know what it is, but...

01:22:50.000 Keep it in your front pocket.

01:22:52.000 What am I, gay?

01:22:53.000 Come on, I can't do a money clip?

01:22:55.000 He's got a point.

01:22:56.000 Thank you.

01:22:57.000 Money clips are gay.

01:22:57.000 It's a gambling thing.

01:22:59.000 Unless you've got a monocle.

01:23:00.000 It's not allowed.

01:23:01.000 You're a fucking Monopoly guy.

01:23:03.000 The right money clip really is a rubber band.

01:23:05.000 No, I got three more of these, I got a free smoothie.

01:23:07.000 I can't money flip that.

01:23:08.000 You're out of your mind, dude.

01:23:09.000 You're out of your fucking mind.

01:23:09.000 He's got 20 grand on a three-hole punch for a fucking free smoothie.

01:23:13.000 Those smoothies are $9.99.

01:23:14.000 I go to the same coffee shop every day and I don't do a punch card.

01:23:18.000 I'd feel worse going, could you punch my card?

01:23:21.000 Oh, you get over it.

01:23:22.000 I'd pay $5 on the tenth one to go.

01:23:24.000 I'm waiting to cash this puppy in, too.

01:23:26.000 Olive Garden.

01:23:26.000 Oh, yeah.

01:23:26.000 It's all right, man.

01:23:28.000 We'll come with you.

01:23:28.000 All right, you got it.

01:23:30.000 Breadsticks.

01:23:30.000 Do you use those?

01:23:32.000 No.

01:23:33.000 That's why they're still in there.

01:23:33.000 Dude, Norman is way jewier than anyone you know.

01:23:36.000 You can hear the pussy's drying up.

01:23:39.000 Today we got lunch.

01:23:39.000 Me and Mark got lunch.

01:23:41.000 I had three french fries left.

01:23:43.000 The guy came to take it, and he goes, no, no, no.

01:23:45.000 He ate three of my french fries.

01:23:47.000 Can't let those go.

01:23:48.000 Those are truffle.

01:23:49.000 We're at Bonnaroo.

01:23:50.000 We're staying late because they drove everybody home.

01:23:52.000 Norman was off doing a Norman adventure.

01:23:55.000 Comes back at like 1 a.m.

01:23:56.000 There's a staff party.

01:23:57.000 Crawfish boil, whatever.

01:23:59.000 Yeah.

01:24:00.000 It was over four hours ago.

01:24:01.000 He comes back and says, wow, I got the craziest thing to tell you.

01:24:03.000 Ah, you wasted all these heads!

01:24:05.000 Oh, sucking the heads.

01:24:07.000 You can't let that go to waste.

01:24:09.000 Yeah, you're fucked up.

01:24:10.000 The heads are good.

01:24:10.000 He never changed.

01:24:11.000 We had no food in my house as a child.

01:24:13.000 That camp, dude, you guys had food.

01:24:15.000 We didn't have food.

01:24:15.000 We had evaporated milk or powdered milk.

01:24:17.000 He was just looking in the wrong drawer.

01:24:19.000 Wait, this isn't the fucking...

01:24:21.000 This is...

01:24:22.000 2005. What are you talking about?

01:24:23.000 What do you mean?

01:24:24.000 He was poor.

01:24:25.000 You were that poor from the 30s.

01:24:27.000 2005. I was in college.

01:24:29.000 Oh, alright.

01:24:30.000 But I didn't have any food.

01:24:31.000 You guys had evaporated milk?

01:24:32.000 Yeah.

01:24:33.000 What does that mean?

01:24:33.000 I mean, we had it amongst the...

01:24:34.000 Well, we had powdered milk.

01:24:35.000 Chunky soups.

01:24:36.000 Yes!

01:24:36.000 We had a lot of grilling.

01:24:37.000 You had chunky?

01:24:38.000 Yeah, but you were talking about powdered milk, right?

01:24:40.000 Yeah, powdered.

01:24:41.000 Sorry.

01:24:41.000 What was I saying?

01:24:42.000 Powdered milk.

01:24:42.000 I said evaporated milk.

01:24:43.000 Oh.

01:24:44.000 You'd get powdered milk.

01:24:45.000 It was cheap.

01:24:45.000 Yeah, powdered milk?

01:24:47.000 I remember growing up having it.

01:24:48.000 Yeah, water to it.

01:24:49.000 Yeah, tap water to it.

01:24:49.000 Yeah, it's pretty rough.

01:24:51.000 So you're just drinking fluoride and powdered milk.

01:24:54.000 How calcium?

01:24:55.000 Is it like...

01:24:55.000 You're not even supposed to drink tap water.

01:24:59.000 What?

01:24:59.000 You should absolutely filter your tap water.

01:25:01.000 That's all I drink is tap water.

01:25:02.000 Really?

01:25:02.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:25:02.000 It's so safe.

01:25:04.000 That's my least favorite thing about New York people.

01:25:07.000 New York tap water!

01:25:09.000 It's the best tap water.

01:25:10.000 It's fucking tap water.

01:25:11.000 It's disgusting.

01:25:12.000 Get a Brita.

01:25:14.000 Get a filter.

01:25:15.000 We had lead pipes.

01:25:16.000 They just got them up.

01:25:17.000 Really?

01:25:18.000 Lead poisoning?

01:25:19.000 Yeah, we had lead pipes.

01:25:20.000 If you turn on your faucet and brown comes out, what are you talking about?

01:25:25.000 The pipes, maybe.

01:25:26.000 The water's fine.

01:25:27.000 They used to use lead paint until they realized kids were getting really stupid.

01:25:30.000 They're like, hey, what's going on here?

01:25:31.000 Oh, yeah.

01:25:32.000 That was the original autism.

01:25:35.000 Yeah, asbestos.

01:25:36.000 Lead paint.

01:25:36.000 We used to tell kids, oh, he ate paint.

01:25:38.000 Right, paint chips.

01:25:39.000 Did you eat a lot of paint chips as a kid?

01:25:41.000 Yeah.

01:25:41.000 Tommy Boy.

01:25:42.000 That was a thing, man.

01:25:43.000 Lead paint.

01:25:44.000 Really?

01:25:45.000 Yeah, lead paint.

01:25:46.000 Do you know that lead gasoline, before they made unleaded gasoline, lowered everyone's IQ in cities?

01:25:51.000 No!

01:25:51.000 Really?

01:25:52.000 Wow.

01:25:53.000 Whoa!

01:25:53.000 Just lead poisoning.

01:25:54.000 Secondhand.

01:25:55.000 Like literal lead poisoning from the sky.

01:25:57.000 Send it to China.

01:25:58.000 Wow.

01:25:58.000 Because those cars were disgusting.

01:26:00.000 They had no fucking, no protection.

01:26:02.000 They would put up blue fucking powder fumes out of the back of it.

01:26:07.000 Yikes.

01:26:07.000 It was all awful.

01:26:08.000 And you just breathe in it.

01:26:09.000 You're breathing in.

01:26:10.000 Hey!

01:26:11.000 Oh, is that that?

01:26:12.000 Yeah.

01:26:12.000 That's the lead paint thing.

01:26:14.000 Yeah, the bell.

01:26:14.000 You would breathe in lead.

01:26:16.000 See if you can find that.

01:26:17.000 Like, lowered IQ. Here it is.

01:26:19.000 Lead exposure in last century shrank IQ scores of half of Americans.

01:26:24.000 Wow!

01:26:25.000 Wow, the 40s!

01:26:26.000 Leaded gasoline calculations have stolen over 800 million cumulative IQ points since the 1940s.

01:26:32.000 Holy hell!

01:26:34.000 That's terrifying.

01:26:35.000 A lot of the great old artists died of lead poisoning.

01:26:37.000 Led Zeppelin.

01:26:38.000 Lead was the first additive to gasoline to help cars engine healthy.

01:26:41.000 However, automotive health came at a great expense of our own well-being.

01:26:45.000 When did that happen when they switched to unleaded?

01:26:47.000 Because I seem to remember it like when I was in high school, if you had a muscle car, you wanted to get leaded gas.

01:26:53.000 Oh, really?

01:26:54.000 Yeah.

01:26:54.000 Who gets leaded?

01:26:55.000 Lead-related health problems.

01:26:57.000 I'd be so badass now to get a leaded car.

01:26:58.000 Such as faster aging of the brain, leaded gas for cars was banned in the U.S. in 1996. Wow.

01:27:03.000 Man, that's pretty late.

01:27:04.000 That's late.

01:27:05.000 1996. Yep, but researchers said that anyone born before the end of that era, and especially the peak of its use in the 1960s, that's me, and the 1970s, had concernably high lead exposures as children.

01:27:21.000 That's me, bro.

01:27:23.000 That's why you have patients with nerds.

01:27:25.000 Yeah, with dorks.

01:27:26.000 Yeah, from dorks.

01:27:27.000 Lead exposure.

01:27:29.000 Tough times.

01:27:30.000 Isn't that fucked?

01:27:31.000 I could have been way smarter.

01:27:32.000 Shit.

01:27:33.000 You think they'll do that with...

01:27:34.000 You're underachieving.

01:27:35.000 Shit.

01:27:36.000 Have you tried paint?

01:27:37.000 I could have been so fucking smart.

01:27:39.000 It's delicious.

01:27:40.000 You think they'll do that with the internet at some point?

01:27:42.000 For sure.

01:27:42.000 Because everybody's killing it.

01:27:43.000 These girls are killing themselves.

01:27:44.000 Everybody's depressed.

01:27:45.000 Oh, girls are killing themselves?

01:27:46.000 Yeah, Instagram.

01:27:47.000 Yeah, it's been a big factor in self-harm for kids.

01:27:52.000 If you look at the invention of social media on, there's a giant spike.

01:27:57.000 There's a great book about it.

01:27:59.000 Lack of privacy, seeing your friends doing better things, parties you're not invited to, seeing pictures of the parties you weren't invited to instead of just hearing about it later.

01:28:07.000 No, it's fucking crazy if you really think about it.

01:28:11.000 Those filters, like TikTok, my daughter was complaining about it yesterday.

01:28:15.000 They don't show your real face.

01:28:17.000 They put a filter on automatically.

01:28:19.000 Yeah.

01:28:19.000 Like, when you do stuff on TikTok, it changes the way your face looks.

01:28:22.000 It smooths out your skin.

01:28:23.000 Oh, yeah.

01:28:24.000 It makes you look prettier.

01:28:25.000 And so everybody's comparing what they see in the mirror to what they see on Instagram.

01:28:29.000 To the prom version of other people.

01:28:30.000 They look like shit, yeah.

01:28:31.000 But I thought Big was beautiful.

01:28:34.000 Yeah, everyone has this fake old L.A. kind of stripper fake.

01:28:38.000 It's all devoid of character.

01:28:40.000 When I see a guy use those filters, I immediately dismiss everything you say.

01:28:46.000 Yeah, it's a British cigarette.

01:28:47.000 You're wearing a filter?

01:28:50.000 Yeah.

01:28:50.000 And when you're doing your selfies, you're taking pictures.

01:28:53.000 It's like putting makeup on.

01:28:53.000 It's worse.

01:28:54.000 It's a mask.

01:28:56.000 It's like you're hiding.

01:28:58.000 This is fake.

01:28:59.000 When you see people do it, you're like, what are you doing?

01:29:01.000 Do you not know that everybody knows that?

01:29:03.000 That's so crazy.

01:29:05.000 It's like having giant fake eyelashes.

01:29:07.000 Everybody knows.

01:29:08.000 What are you doing?

01:29:09.000 This is insane.

01:29:10.000 It doesn't look good.

01:29:11.000 It looks crazy.

01:29:12.000 You've got a filter on your face.

01:29:13.000 You look like a cartoon.

01:29:14.000 You look like a cartoon, but it looks good.

01:29:16.000 It is like those people who get plastic surgery.

01:29:18.000 It looks fine.

01:29:19.000 Everyone else is like, no way!

01:29:21.000 They all look crazy.

01:29:22.000 Well, the thing is, like, some plastic surgery looks good.

01:29:25.000 I've seen some women.

01:29:25.000 They're all going for that.

01:29:26.000 They, like, get jowls or hang in their eyelids, and then they get tucked up nice.

01:29:30.000 Not crazy, but nice.

01:29:32.000 And they look way better.

01:29:33.000 Like, there's guys out there that are masters.

01:29:36.000 But then there's monsters.

01:29:38.000 One step down.

01:29:38.000 The filler monsters.

01:29:39.000 But why these millionaires get bad surgery?

01:29:42.000 How did you find that?

01:29:43.000 Michael Jackson, it's body dysmorphia.

01:29:46.000 You go crazy.

01:29:47.000 You don't know what you're seeing.

01:29:48.000 And the doctor's like, I don't think we can do what you're asking.

01:29:50.000 Just try it.

01:29:51.000 They gotta do it.

01:29:52.000 Yeah, that's one guy you never hear bragging.

01:29:54.000 Michael Jackson's plastic surgeon.

01:29:57.000 Who the fuck was that guy?

01:29:59.000 That guy was like, I'll do it, but you can't tell anybody.

01:30:02.000 That's the opposite of the Kardashians surgery.

01:30:05.000 The Kardashians all have great surgery.

01:30:07.000 Very nice.

01:30:08.000 If you look at what they did, they shaped their fucking skulls.

01:30:11.000 Bruce Jenner looks great.

01:30:12.000 The Jenners, the kids, they shaped their skulls.

01:30:15.000 Really?

01:30:15.000 They trimmed their jaw down.

01:30:18.000 What?

01:30:18.000 The kids do?

01:30:19.000 Like Caitlyn or all those?

01:30:20.000 The little ones.

01:30:22.000 There's photos of her before and after.

01:30:25.000 Wait, is Kaelin the...

01:30:26.000 Kaelin's the girl that was a guy.

01:30:28.000 Bruce.

01:30:29.000 Okay, so Kendall.

01:30:30.000 She's the hottest.

01:30:31.000 She's the one dating the trample guy?

01:30:34.000 Yeah, the Houston Astro guy.

01:30:37.000 People get surgery on their fucking jaws.

01:30:40.000 That's wild.

01:30:41.000 They get their jaws trimmed down to narrow their face.

01:30:44.000 Didn't Dylan Mulvaney, your favorite Bud Light drinker, didn't that person do that?

01:30:48.000 I think they got feminizing surgery.

01:30:50.000 It's similar.

01:30:51.000 I don't know who that is.

01:30:52.000 Oh.

01:30:54.000 It's Kid Rock's Arch Enemy.

01:30:56.000 Can I ask what happened with that thing?

01:30:58.000 Because I never saw a single Bud Light can.

01:31:01.000 I just heard about it all.

01:31:03.000 I own one.

01:31:04.000 You do?

01:31:05.000 Yeah.

01:31:05.000 Facial feminization.

01:31:06.000 Wait, you got one?

01:31:07.000 I got one.

01:31:08.000 How?

01:31:08.000 From where?

01:31:09.000 eBay.

01:31:10.000 You have to order it.

01:31:11.000 Oh, it was not cheap.

01:31:12.000 But I think it's going to go way up.

01:31:14.000 Oh, yeah.

01:31:15.000 This will be the demise of the company.

01:31:17.000 Someone from Coors is gonna buy that for you for a million dollars.

01:31:20.000 Bring it on, Coors!

01:31:21.000 Everlasting gop-stopper.

01:31:22.000 It's my Dogecoin.

01:31:23.000 I mean, they made everybody else make more money.

01:31:26.000 And they've lost like some insane amount, like something like in the 20-plus percent of sales.

01:31:32.000 Six billion.

01:31:32.000 Which is so crazy.

01:31:33.000 And so what did they- they wanted to go all faces on these cans, dude.

01:31:37.000 No, no, no, no.

01:31:38.000 One lady sent one...

01:31:40.000 Yeah.

01:31:41.000 ...Dylan Mulvaney can, because they were like, oh, this is a viral person.

01:31:45.000 It was just like a minor...

01:31:46.000 It wasn't a commercial.

01:31:47.000 Is it like sending you a Phillies Gillis shirt?

01:31:49.000 Yes.

01:31:50.000 Jersey?

01:31:50.000 Yes.

01:31:51.000 It was a year of being a woman.

01:31:54.000 Here's your reward.

01:31:55.000 Gender fluid.

01:31:56.000 And so why does everyone care that much?

01:31:58.000 Because it's funny.

01:31:59.000 It is funny.

01:32:00.000 It's something to do.

01:32:01.000 It's something to do.

01:32:02.000 It's funny.

01:32:02.000 If you order a Bud Light, people go, what is it, your period?

01:32:07.000 Yeah, it's hard.

01:32:08.000 It's hard out here, dude.

01:32:09.000 People are shotgunning.

01:32:10.000 I've read that bar owners are stopping.

01:32:12.000 They won't carry it because people who want it and buy it are getting attacked.

01:32:16.000 Jesus!

01:32:17.000 That's wild.

01:32:17.000 It would start a fight.

01:32:18.000 You order a Bud Light at a bar and someone's like, what are you fucking gay?

01:32:21.000 What are you doing when you go to bars now?

01:32:23.000 Dude, I stay in...

01:32:24.000 Look at this.

01:32:25.000 No one's going to beat up somebody for supporting trans in New York.

01:32:29.000 But on stage, it's tough.

01:32:33.000 Bringing a Bud Light on stage, now somebody's going to yell.

01:32:36.000 It's going to be a subject.

01:32:38.000 You've got to get the draft.

01:32:39.000 This is the Texas edition.

01:32:41.000 Yeah, look at that.

01:32:42.000 Nice.

01:32:43.000 Well, they're going to sell camo Bud Lights now.

01:32:46.000 That's smart.

01:32:47.000 Turn it around.

01:32:48.000 Turn it around, bro.

01:32:49.000 Show a dead Arab.

01:32:50.000 Fuck yeah.

01:32:51.000 Let's go.

01:32:52.000 You can't even see the dick.

01:32:55.000 Yeah.

01:32:56.000 Camo.

01:32:57.000 I like that.

01:32:58.000 That's fun.

01:33:00.000 I don't know.

01:33:01.000 It's a non-thing, but it became a joke, and that's tough to overcome, marketing-wise.

01:33:07.000 It's tough to get people to order a Bud Light publicly because you're going to get made fun of.

01:33:12.000 It'll be forgotten in a month.

01:33:13.000 No.

01:33:14.000 Two months?

01:33:15.000 It's going to be a while.

01:33:16.000 A year, no one will remember it, really.

01:33:18.000 You'll make a joke on stage and be like, what?

01:33:20.000 No, no, no.

01:33:20.000 It's just my cross to bear, dude.

01:33:22.000 You guys are crazy.

01:33:23.000 It's going to hang in there for a long time.

01:33:25.000 This is going to be one of them cultural things.

01:33:28.000 There's never been a brand that got hit like this before.

01:33:30.000 They'll be back.

01:33:31.000 This is a big deal.

01:33:31.000 They'll do some titty shots.

01:33:33.000 You think so?

01:33:33.000 They're gonna get saved this month.

01:33:34.000 Everyone's gonna remember that lady saying that we gotta get away from the fratty sense of humor.

01:33:40.000 She was fired.

01:33:40.000 We gotta be more inclusive.

01:33:41.000 Was she fired?

01:33:42.000 Yeah.

01:33:42.000 Definitely?

01:33:43.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:33:44.000 She's out.

01:33:45.000 Well, they're gonna be fired.

01:33:47.000 It's real hard to argue with that one.

01:33:49.000 She works at Comedy Central.

01:33:52.000 I swear to God, though, they'll be saved this month.

01:33:54.000 Every single company on Earth is going to do a gay commercial all of June.

01:33:58.000 They've already done it.

01:33:58.000 Miller Lite, Starbucks, Ford.

01:34:00.000 Yeah, they're all doing it.

01:34:01.000 Raptor did a gay commercial.

01:34:02.000 I saw that one.

01:34:03.000 Raptor?

01:34:03.000 Yeah.

01:34:04.000 The truck.

01:34:04.000 Redefining tough.

01:34:05.000 Yeah.

01:34:06.000 And they did it because one poster...

01:34:08.000 The show market to really, like, farmer-y lesbians.

01:34:12.000 Oh!

01:34:13.000 Can you let me finish?

01:34:14.000 One poster did it because one guy wrote a homophobic comment on one of the Bud Light Raptor Ranger trucks.

01:34:22.000 Don't regret that comment.

01:34:23.000 And so they came up with this fucking whole campaign to counter that.

01:34:26.000 This is it.

01:34:26.000 Hey, that's a good looking truck!

01:34:28.000 Very gay Raptor.

01:34:30.000 What is it?

01:34:30.000 Literally.

01:34:31.000 It says it.

01:34:32.000 Hashtag very gay raptor.

01:34:34.000 That's the worst dinosaur ever.

01:34:36.000 Scroll up so I can see the top of the top.

01:34:38.000 The Ford's Redefining Tough Rainbow Raptor commercial goes viral.

01:34:42.000 Sparks online backlash.

01:34:44.000 But barely.

01:34:46.000 Yeah, barely.

01:34:47.000 When are these journalists going to actually write the story and not the small percentage backlash?

01:34:52.000 I think that's the raptor.

01:34:53.000 The Raptor Ranger, isn't it?

01:34:55.000 Is that the Raptor Ranger?

01:34:56.000 It's a good-looking truck.

01:34:57.000 I think the Raptor Ranger is the smaller one, and I think that's where somebody said something like, yeah, Ranger Raptor, that's what it is.

01:35:08.000 So someone said something, oh, it's the gay Raptor, because it's the smaller Raptor.

01:35:11.000 Some fucking moron.

01:35:13.000 True, he was right.

01:35:14.000 It's the gay Raptor.

01:35:15.000 And so they actually painted it in gay colors.

01:35:17.000 There's big gays out there.

01:35:18.000 The very gay Raptor.

01:35:19.000 Everyone's having a good time.

01:35:20.000 Everyone's having a good time so far.

01:35:22.000 Shane's number one fan.

01:35:24.000 Ford sucks.

01:35:25.000 I always knew them trucks was queer.

01:35:27.000 That's Chevy all the way.

01:35:29.000 They got them.

01:35:30.000 That's the pronoun.

01:35:31.000 No one's not gonna buy Raptors.

01:35:33.000 Shut the fuck up.

01:35:34.000 Yeah, Raptors are cool.

01:35:35.000 They're the shit.

01:35:36.000 They're the shit.

01:35:37.000 Yeah.

01:35:37.000 I had one of those.

01:35:38.000 They're awesome.

01:35:39.000 But why do these companies feel like they have to do it?

01:35:41.000 Because to me it's just unoriginal.

01:35:42.000 I feel like they're doing it for a small percentage online, like media, for whatever, and then people are like, ooh, let's get that and push that other places.

01:35:48.000 I know the answer.

01:35:49.000 What?

01:35:49.000 It's the women.

01:35:50.000 They're hiring chicks from college.

01:35:53.000 They're like, oh, we need to hire women in our company.

01:35:56.000 Who's going to college to study marketing?

01:35:59.000 All these fucking college chicks.

01:36:01.000 We'll get them in, and then they, right away, they just fucking...

01:36:04.000 But why does a woman want to work at a Ford?

01:36:06.000 Because it's a marketing job.

01:36:08.000 They take it anywhere.

01:36:10.000 It's not like she's in the fucking factory.

01:36:11.000 It's not like she loves Ford.

01:36:13.000 Marketing people don't get a job at tampons because they love tampons.

01:36:16.000 Yeah, people who work at Geico don't love...

01:36:18.000 Yeah.

01:36:19.000 We think about that because that's what we do.

01:36:21.000 We do what we love.

01:36:22.000 Ah.

01:36:23.000 Yeah, you're just lucky.

01:36:24.000 You're just lucky.

01:36:25.000 Most people live and suck.

01:36:27.000 Most people will get drunk with their friends at work.

01:36:30.000 Most people live and suck.

01:36:31.000 This is a job.

01:36:32.000 What we're doing is a job.

01:36:33.000 It's funny the difference between the people, the Venn diagram of dudes who get drunk at work with their friends.

01:36:39.000 It's like us, and then it's like the lowest possible.

01:36:43.000 It's like dude, Pol Pot's army.

01:36:45.000 It's like dude, fuck it!

01:36:47.000 Garbage, man.

01:36:49.000 You know what's weird about the couple that got beat up, it says?

01:36:52.000 Who?

01:36:53.000 Who got beat up?

01:36:53.000 It says a couple was beat up for allegedly purchasing Bud Light.

01:36:57.000 Aw, that's horrible.

01:36:58.000 It's happened in Canada.

01:37:11.000 So this story went crazy.

01:37:22.000 Wow, I think this is the only case I could find where this happened.

01:37:25.000 It might have happened somewhere else.

01:37:26.000 That was probably a douchebag that wanted to go beat up somebody for buying Bud Light, and nobody was buying it.

01:37:31.000 So he found this next best thing, which is Canadians.

01:37:34.000 It's like where he beat up Indians after 9-11.

01:37:36.000 He found some Canadians, like, they'll buy Bud Light.

01:37:38.000 Molson Blue's Bud Light, exactly.

01:37:40.000 Molson Blue.

01:37:41.000 Is that Bud Light?

01:37:41.000 Actually, no, sir.

01:37:42.000 It's not.

01:37:43.000 It's like, fuck off.

01:37:45.000 Molson's strong though, right?

01:37:46.000 Isn't Molson like 9%?

01:37:48.000 Higher percent.

01:37:49.000 Is it really?

01:37:49.000 Canadian beer is a higher percentage of alcohol.

01:37:51.000 Canadians drink.

01:37:52.000 They go hard.

01:37:54.000 They do.

01:37:54.000 It's cold.

01:37:55.000 Please do advice to all the people listening.

01:37:56.000 Don't try to keep up with the Canadian.

01:37:58.000 Or Shane Gillis.

01:37:59.000 Either or.

01:38:01.000 Either or.

01:38:01.000 I'm struggling.

01:38:02.000 Mushrooms are...

01:38:03.000 Really?

01:38:04.000 You feel something?

01:38:04.000 Getting involved, yeah.

01:38:05.000 I don't feel anything yet.

01:38:06.000 They're fully involved.

01:38:07.000 Maybe I'll take a halfie like you did.

01:38:09.000 Don't be scared.

01:38:10.000 I'd take a stem.

01:38:12.000 Oh, with stems I could...

01:38:13.000 Yeah, you gotta eat one of those stems.

01:38:14.000 Stem cells.

01:38:14.000 Eat the other half of that chocolate again.

01:38:16.000 How much do you weigh, Norman?

01:38:17.000 I think he ate it.

01:38:18.000 165, 170?

01:38:20.000 Interesting.

01:38:20.000 How tall are you?

01:38:21.000 510?

01:38:21.000 Yeah.

01:38:23.000 Why are you sizing them up?

01:38:25.000 You want to go?

01:38:26.000 I don't think it's like a weight.

01:38:27.000 Alcohol is more like weight.

01:38:29.000 I don't think mushrooms are...

01:38:30.000 Oh, it's body mass.

01:38:32.000 Oh, it is?

01:38:33.000 I'm sure.

01:38:34.000 Oh, boy.

01:38:35.000 I mean, bloodstream, body mass.

01:38:37.000 It's getting absorbed.

01:38:39.000 It's going through your stomach.

01:38:40.000 I feel like some guy's bigger, hits him hard, smaller hits him hard, just depends on the person.

01:38:45.000 Yeah, it feels different.

01:38:46.000 But also, they're inconsistent.

01:38:48.000 They're inconsistent.

01:38:48.000 Oh, yeah.

01:38:49.000 Intensity of psychedelic experience after taking psilocybin does not depend on body mass index, as studies suggest.

01:38:55.000 Interesting.

01:38:56.000 So what does it depend on?

01:38:57.000 Childhood?

01:38:57.000 Trauma?

01:38:57.000 I would assume that everything that you eat, they have dosages that are different for children with medication because you eat and swallow it and your body's different.

01:39:06.000 I would imagine that would be the same with everything.

01:39:08.000 I would imagine it would be the same with everything.

01:39:16.000 Certainly with alcohol.

01:39:17.000 Oh, yeah.

01:39:18.000 Yeah, alcohol for sure, right?

01:39:20.000 Yeah, big guys take it.

01:39:21.000 Yeah, they can take it.

01:39:22.000 Yeah.

01:39:24.000 Yeah, it's a...

01:39:25.000 Weed it's not, though, right?

01:39:27.000 No, you ever meet a guy who can't get high?

01:39:30.000 I can't.

01:39:31.000 Oh, you mean not able to get high?

01:39:33.000 Jamie can't get high off edibles.

01:39:35.000 What?

01:39:36.000 Have you ever had a slice of pizza with it?

01:39:37.000 Jamie has this crazy thing where he can eat like a thousand milligrams.

01:39:41.000 Come on.

01:39:42.000 You can't get high.

01:39:43.000 I mean, to say what didn't feel a thing off of that is, that's a stretch, but like, I didn't feel what the fuck you're supposed to feel.

01:39:51.000 A thousand milligrams, you should be done for a little bit.

01:39:54.000 Yeah, you're obliterated.

01:39:55.000 A thousand milligrams, like you don't know how to turn your car.

01:39:57.000 It starts working after a thousand, I think, for me.

01:39:59.000 Diaz got me once, he gave me a 25 milligram edible, and I was like, alright, this is farther than I want to go, but I'm doing your podcast, so like, fine.

01:40:07.000 Yeah.

01:40:08.000 And then I'm like, you ever have something nagging at you?

01:40:10.000 And I was like, that fucking 25 was crooked.

01:40:13.000 And then I went over to it and peeled it off.

01:40:15.000 It was $2.50.

01:40:18.000 And he was like, 10 times a stretch.

01:40:21.000 Oh no.

01:40:23.000 How'd he feel?

01:40:24.000 Were you on the moon?

01:40:25.000 Yeah, he broke Owen Lynch.

01:40:28.000 Really?

01:40:29.000 He broke Owen Lynch.

01:40:30.000 Owen legitimately was never the same person.

01:40:34.000 Yikes.

01:40:34.000 Yeah, from that moment.

01:40:36.000 Yeah, legitimately.

01:40:37.000 What'd you do with that 250?

01:40:38.000 What'd you do the rest of the day?

01:40:40.000 I mean, I was gone there.

01:40:43.000 How long was the podcast?

01:40:45.000 The podcast was two hours.

01:40:46.000 Then he has this thing where it's like, I'm out!

01:40:48.000 See you guys!

01:40:49.000 I'm like, wait, what?

01:40:50.000 He just leaves you.

01:40:51.000 Yeah.

01:40:52.000 I probably drove home, to be honest.

01:40:54.000 I probably eventually drove home, but I might have stayed with Lee for a while.

01:40:57.000 At least two hours, you're out of the void, and you're back on Earth after about two hours.

01:41:03.000 No.

01:41:03.000 That void is bad.

01:41:04.000 I hate that void.

01:41:05.000 Those breath strips, that was the whole six hours at UFC. That's a half of one.

01:41:10.000 What a nightmare.

01:41:12.000 That's one thing I don't do ever.

01:41:13.000 I never did the UFC high.

01:41:15.000 Ever.

01:41:16.000 You shouldn't.

01:41:17.000 No.

01:41:17.000 You should do it once.

01:41:18.000 I did.

01:41:18.000 Not work it.

01:41:19.000 You should come in the seats with us.

01:41:20.000 Oh, I've done that.

01:41:21.000 When I was in Austin, I was high as fuck.

01:41:24.000 I went to see it in Austin.

01:41:24.000 It was great.

01:41:25.000 Nice.

01:41:25.000 I love going to watch.

01:41:26.000 The really best place for me to watch, my favorite place to watch, is the Apex Center.

01:41:30.000 Where's that?

01:41:31.000 The Apex Center is a small arena that the UFC built in Vegas for their Tuesday Night Contender Series, the Dana Series, and for the Ultimate Fighter.

01:41:41.000 So it's a smaller cage.

01:41:43.000 A smaller cage?

01:41:45.000 Yes.

01:41:46.000 The cage is like 40% smaller.

01:41:48.000 There's only 100 people in the fucking room.

01:41:51.000 It's amazing.

01:41:52.000 Like the Pearl used to be?

01:41:53.000 Dude, I saw Stipe Miocic fight Francis Ngannou.

01:41:57.000 Yeah, I remember that.

01:41:57.000 It was during the pandemic.

01:41:59.000 It was crazy.

01:41:59.000 Crazy.

01:42:00.000 The one he won or lost?

01:42:01.000 The one he won.

01:42:02.000 Francis won.

01:42:03.000 It was a destruction.

01:42:05.000 It was like the finest performance of Francis' career because he was patient and just moving forward and just a systematic destruction.

01:42:14.000 It's an amazing fight.

01:42:16.000 But play it because it's crazy.

01:42:17.000 There's no one there.

01:42:18.000 What?

01:42:19.000 You don't hear an audience cheer and scream.

01:42:21.000 It's COVID? Yeah, it's COVID. Oh, shit.

01:42:24.000 Dude, I feel so lucky to have been there during COVID. I always feel lucky.

01:42:28.000 It's the only sport going on.

01:42:29.000 But to be there during COVID, I'm the only one here.

01:42:33.000 It was just me and DC and Anik and the people that work the production.

01:42:37.000 We're just sitting there like, this is crazy.

01:42:39.000 We're watching Justin Gaethje versus Tony Ferguson in an arena.

01:42:44.000 An arena with no audience at all.

01:42:46.000 It's like watching some fucking musician's warm-up set.

01:42:50.000 Dude, it was incredible.

01:42:52.000 It was incredible.

01:42:53.000 Because you could hear every impact.

01:42:55.000 You could hear them breathing.

01:42:57.000 You could hear them talking.

01:42:58.000 They could hear you guys.

01:42:59.000 They could hear me 100%.

01:43:00.000 They could hear DC. What he needs to do is put his left foot down.

01:43:05.000 His head should be on the inside.

01:43:07.000 Like a fucking jujitsu roll.

01:43:09.000 Exactly.

01:43:09.000 They were like, you guys got to be quiet.

01:43:11.000 And he goes, yep, that would work.

01:43:13.000 Listen to this.

01:43:14.000 He had the bad hair.

01:43:15.000 Listen, there's no audience.

01:43:16.000 Look at the audience.

01:43:22.000 These were weird times.

01:43:25.000 There's no one there.

01:43:26.000 This is the heavyweight championship of the world.

01:43:29.000 It's in a small cage, which is terrible for Stipe.

01:43:32.000 Why do they make it a smaller cage?

01:43:34.000 Because they do it for all the fights there.

01:43:35.000 It's a smaller arena.

01:43:37.000 That's not good.

01:43:38.000 We had a smaller cage that we used for the Ultimate Fighter back in the day when we fought at the Palm.

01:43:43.000 We had fights at the Palm.

01:43:44.000 The Pearl.

01:43:45.000 The Pearl at the Palm, right.

01:43:46.000 The Palm Casino.

01:43:48.000 Why is that bad for Stipe?

01:43:49.000 Because you've got to get away from that guy sometimes.

01:43:52.000 Any time you can't move backwards because there's a cage there, you've got to get away from that guy.

01:43:56.000 From which guy?

01:43:57.000 Francis.

01:43:57.000 Francis is so destructive.

01:43:58.000 He's so terrifying.

01:43:59.000 It's still 1-1 though, right?

01:44:01.000 They never did a tiebreaker.

01:44:03.000 It's 1-1, right.

01:44:05.000 This was you seeing Francis trained by Extreme Couture now.

01:44:11.000 So he's with Eric Nixick, who's like a really intelligent, very, very good trainer.

01:44:17.000 And he's got him very patient.

01:44:19.000 And he's not just charging in like he did in the first fight.

01:44:23.000 He's like picking him apart.

01:44:24.000 So he's chopping at his legs.

01:44:27.000 Well, I'm just talking there about the smaller octagon.

01:44:30.000 Damn.

01:44:31.000 Yeah, you can't be on mushrooms for this.

01:44:33.000 Yeah, this is a lot.

01:44:34.000 But to be there live, man, with no crowd, it was fucking incredible.

01:44:41.000 Stipe should have gotten a haircut.

01:44:44.000 30% smaller.

01:44:49.000 Oh, that's gotta hurt.

01:44:51.000 Boy, he's a tough guy.

01:44:53.000 Dangerous.

01:44:54.000 And a fireman.

01:44:55.000 Look at those back muscles.

01:44:56.000 Oh, Stipe's an animal.

01:44:57.000 He's the most successful heavyweight champion of all time.

01:44:59.000 You think?

01:45:00.000 Yes, 100%.

01:45:01.000 He goes down in the record books as the guy who defended the title the most ever.

01:45:05.000 He's a fucking animal.

01:45:06.000 He's beating everybody.

01:45:07.000 Wow.

01:45:07.000 But, you know...

01:45:09.000 Time catches up to you.

01:45:11.000 Wars catch up to you.

01:45:12.000 And then Francis, who's a fucking monster.

01:45:15.000 Francis is just a monster.

01:45:17.000 He was ready.

01:45:18.000 He knew that was coming.

01:45:19.000 But now Francis has takedown defense.

01:45:21.000 Look at this defense.

01:45:22.000 Huge.

01:45:23.000 Giant.

01:45:23.000 And then Francis spins around and gets his back.

01:45:26.000 Look at this.

01:45:26.000 So this is Francis now that can grapple.

01:45:29.000 And he takes Stipe down and beats him up.

01:45:31.000 See, Francis...

01:45:33.000 After the first Stipe fight, he really, really, really evolved.

01:45:38.000 He evolved every aspect of his game.

01:45:40.000 And he evolved his grappling, and he beat Cyril Ghosn grappling with one fucking knee, man.

01:45:45.000 His knee was destroyed.

01:45:46.000 And he beat one of the most dangerous heavyweight contenders in Cyril Ghosn.

01:45:49.000 Francis, like right now, it's a big loss in my mind, like him going over to the PFL. It really bums me out.

01:45:55.000 I understand it.

01:45:56.000 I'm happy he's gonna get paid.

01:45:58.000 I'm happy he's gonna get to box.

01:45:59.000 But I loved watching this guy fight in the UFC. He was a fucking monster.

01:46:04.000 Oh!

01:46:05.000 Cyril gone in 60 seconds.

01:46:08.000 He was so good, dude.

01:46:09.000 And he is so good.

01:46:11.000 Wow.

01:46:12.000 It's gonna be interesting.

01:46:13.000 I just don't know who they're gonna have him fight.

01:46:14.000 Cyril gone with a win.

01:46:17.000 So that, anyway, go to the end of it, just so you can see the knockout.

01:46:20.000 Zero gone, baby gone?

01:46:21.000 That was, uh...

01:46:23.000 Zero gone, girl.

01:46:26.000 Sorry, we're having fun.

01:46:27.000 I'm on mushrooms.

01:46:28.000 If you were eating edibles...

01:46:29.000 Here's the end of it.

01:46:30.000 If you were eating edibles here...

01:46:31.000 Who would you rather fuck?

01:46:33.000 This is which round now?

01:46:34.000 This is the second round.

01:46:35.000 This is where he stopped him.

01:46:40.000 Old Herb Dean.

01:46:41.000 Oh!

01:46:43.000 Dude, right through.

01:46:44.000 Right through the defenses.

01:46:46.000 Damn.

01:46:47.000 How does he take, though?

01:46:48.000 He's got a chin.

01:46:49.000 He's throwing him back.

01:46:50.000 Oh, that hurt.

01:46:51.000 I can't watch.

01:46:53.000 It shows training.

01:46:54.000 The training was good.

01:46:57.000 Imagine if comedians had coaches.

01:46:59.000 We'd be so much better.

01:47:00.000 We'd be better.

01:47:00.000 Hey, hey, there's someone in the crowd you can go to.

01:47:03.000 Exactly.

01:47:03.000 You should have switched to that joke.

01:47:05.000 You should have gone to that joke.

01:47:06.000 Don't, don't, don't.

01:47:07.000 That lady's going to stalk.

01:47:08.000 Some guys do that where they kind of hire people to work their material with them.

01:47:12.000 Chris Rock always did that.

01:47:13.000 He would do his sets and have a group of guys that he paid to go over the material with them.

01:47:18.000 But I mean, on stage, if you could freeze a coach, he'd be like, don't go into that now.

01:47:22.000 Get cleaner, get cleaner.

01:47:23.000 It's too dirty, too dirty.

01:47:24.000 I would never want that.

01:47:26.000 You wouldn't want it, but it would help.

01:47:28.000 It would help.

01:47:28.000 Fuck it.

01:47:29.000 It would help if you sucked.

01:47:30.000 If one person told me, yeah.

01:47:32.000 If you sucked and you couldn't figure out what to do.

01:47:34.000 But also, the Chris Rock strategy is a very good idea.

01:47:39.000 Just do your sets, do your material, but then have guys that you can bounce stuff off of.

01:47:43.000 Right, right.

01:47:44.000 That's smart.

01:47:44.000 We kind of all do that anyway, right?

01:47:46.000 Exactly.

01:47:46.000 We were doing it last night where I was talking about the cult.

01:47:48.000 Yeah.

01:47:49.000 We do that all the time.

01:47:51.000 I know a comedian.

01:47:52.000 Run jokes past each other.

01:47:53.000 He's an arena guy.

01:47:54.000 I'm not going to say who.

01:47:55.000 He has ten writers in the green room after a show.

01:47:58.000 They all go in the green room.

01:47:58.000 They punch him up.

01:48:00.000 They work on stuff.

01:48:01.000 And he still sucks.

01:48:02.000 So I'm like, what's going on there?

01:48:04.000 Well, imagine how bad he would suck if he didn't do that.

01:48:06.000 Yeah, it's true.

01:48:08.000 But he was good.

01:48:09.000 That's the weird thing.

01:48:10.000 He started out, you have to be good at the beginning to make it.

01:48:13.000 You have to break through.

01:48:14.000 We'll talk later.

01:48:15.000 I want to know who this is.

01:48:17.000 Can we pause this?

01:48:18.000 No, I'll tell you later.

01:48:19.000 I'll tell you later.

01:48:20.000 I can delete it.

01:48:20.000 Let's pause it right now.

01:48:21.000 Pause it.

01:48:22.000 Who is it?

01:48:22.000 Fucked up.

01:48:24.000 Dude, those things kicked in.

01:48:26.000 Kicked in?

01:48:27.000 Yeah.

01:48:28.000 Isn't that a beautiful place to be, though?

01:48:30.000 Yeah, it was a lot.

01:48:31.000 No, come on, dude.

01:48:32.000 Don't do that.

01:48:32.000 You were 45 times.

01:48:33.000 Please don't do that.

01:48:35.000 Isn't it a beautiful place to be, like, right there?

01:48:38.000 No.

01:48:39.000 No, we got a show in an hour.

01:48:40.000 You don't have to do a show?

01:48:42.000 Show in an hour.

01:48:42.000 Let's go.

01:48:43.000 What show?

01:48:44.000 We're not the owner.

01:48:44.000 He's not going to fire us.

01:48:45.000 Yeah, you can't get fired.

01:48:47.000 You still humiliate yourself.

01:48:49.000 Come on.

01:48:49.000 We're going to have fun.

01:48:50.000 I'm going to have fun.

01:48:51.000 I know I'm going to have fun.

01:48:52.000 There's so many people in the lineup.

01:48:53.000 Stop telling us we're not going to have fun.

01:48:56.000 I started yawning.

01:48:57.000 I was like, oh boy.

01:48:58.000 I'm high as shit.

01:48:59.000 That's what it kicks in.

01:49:00.000 The yawns are a good sign.

01:49:02.000 And you can taste it in the tongue.

01:49:03.000 You know, you're like, mmm, you got that mushroom mouth.

01:49:05.000 Mmm, boy.

01:49:07.000 They don't know where the yawns come from.

01:49:08.000 I've looked that up.

01:49:09.000 Really?

01:49:09.000 Yeah, there's a bunch of theories.

01:49:11.000 No one's got a successful, legitimate science answer.

01:49:14.000 They can put a man on the moon, but they can't figure out where the mushroom yawns come from?

01:49:17.000 I'm not sure they did that.

01:49:17.000 Yeah, did they?

01:49:19.000 That would be my absolute favorite thing if we found out that was fake.

01:49:24.000 Fuck Bigfoot.

01:49:24.000 You would love that.

01:49:25.000 Fuck Bigfoot, fuck UFOs.

01:49:26.000 Just tell me they never landed on the moon.

01:49:29.000 No, we need that space program.

01:49:31.000 Yeah, we do.

01:49:32.000 I hope it's real.

01:49:33.000 You don't want them to have gone.

01:49:35.000 I don't.

01:49:36.000 Why?

01:49:37.000 Because I think it's funny.

01:49:38.000 He spent 15 years saying, I don't think we did.

01:49:40.000 Also, we haven't been back.

01:49:43.000 We haven't been back.

01:49:44.000 Is that right?

01:49:45.000 Why hasn't everyone been there?

01:49:46.000 Not just haven't been back.

01:49:48.000 We haven't even gone into space like that.

01:49:50.000 We've only gone to near Earth orbit.

01:49:52.000 All the trips since the moon landings, all that has been inside of 300 plus miles.

01:49:56.000 And no other country either.

01:49:57.000 No other country.

01:49:58.000 No one's doing it.

01:49:59.000 Interesting.

01:50:00.000 They send probes there, but also it's very dangerous.

01:50:02.000 We did it in the 70s?

01:50:03.000 It's dangerous.

01:50:04.000 They did it, supposedly they did it seven times, six successfully.

01:50:08.000 You know, Apollo 13 was the one that didn't make it.

01:50:11.000 Russia went.

01:50:11.000 Dude, I went over this for a decade.

01:50:13.000 Yeah.

01:50:14.000 Like, with a fine-tooth comb.

01:50:15.000 I've watched all the videos.

01:50:16.000 Oh, no.

01:50:17.000 I've watched all the film footage on it.

01:50:19.000 Look at the shadows.

01:50:19.000 There's some shady shit.

01:50:21.000 They jump, but they come right down real fast.

01:50:23.000 I'm glad I wasn't around for those conversations.

01:50:25.000 There's a lot of, like, weird, weird shit.

01:50:26.000 Oh, dude.

01:50:26.000 Try being on radio after you've heard a story 75 times.

01:50:30.000 Ah, Soleil Moon Fry.

01:50:32.000 That's why I get good at things.

01:50:33.000 I obsess.

01:50:34.000 I'm sorry.

01:50:34.000 You?

01:50:35.000 Get out of here.

01:50:36.000 I do.

01:50:36.000 Come on.

01:50:37.000 That one is my absolute favorite.

01:50:38.000 Aliens, elk.

01:50:39.000 I think I'd take aliens over that, honestly.

01:50:41.000 Now that I think about it, I want aliens to be real more than I want us to not have gone too long.

01:50:45.000 You think you're closer to the moon one, though?

01:50:47.000 Aliens are definitely real.

01:50:48.000 No, I think...

01:50:49.000 Aliens are real, but...

01:50:50.000 They're in the kitchen.

01:50:51.000 There's less evidence.

01:50:52.000 Did you see the new footage?

01:50:54.000 There's new footage that Jeremy Corbell leaked.

01:50:57.000 In 2021, there was a UFO that hovered over an Air Force base.

01:51:01.000 Stop.

01:51:01.000 What?

01:51:02.000 Slow it down.

01:51:03.000 Slow it down.

01:51:03.000 You gotta stop.

01:51:04.000 Sorry, I'm stuff fucked up, too.

01:51:05.000 I'm taking this in.

01:51:06.000 I can't, dude.

01:51:07.000 There's a lot going on here.

01:51:09.000 Show the pictures of the UFO. These guys, 50 guys observed this thing.

01:51:14.000 Corbel!

01:51:15.000 Dang, I'm trying to process everything.

01:51:18.000 He can't help himself.

01:51:19.000 He's an animal.

01:51:21.000 Corbel Chili?

01:51:22.000 Hormel.

01:51:22.000 Oh, Hormel.

01:51:23.000 Jesus Christ.

01:51:24.000 There you go.

01:51:25.000 I was like, am I missing that one?

01:51:27.000 Is that a cultural reference that I'm not aware of?

01:51:29.000 I'm not sure which exact thing it is.

01:51:31.000 Because there's articles about him from recently.

01:51:33.000 I think he's one of your security guys.

01:51:35.000 The ones that just came out like a day ago.

01:51:38.000 I think it goes above that house.

01:51:40.000 Instagram.

01:51:41.000 That's definitely it.

01:51:41.000 Check his Instagram.

01:51:42.000 Cardi B shows off at daughter's school lunch.

01:51:45.000 Whatever this thing is, they've got 50 different people.

01:51:50.000 I think he actually released photos of it.

01:51:52.000 Pull it up, JMO. Come on, dude.

01:51:56.000 It's never any good evidence.

01:51:58.000 It's like three lights a billion miles away.

01:52:01.000 That's why it's fun.

01:52:02.000 If you got the really good evidence, then you would be all in.

01:52:06.000 I don't want to be all in.

01:52:07.000 I like to be like half in.

01:52:09.000 Hey, look at that background.

01:52:09.000 It looks like he's here.

01:52:10.000 I think that's it.

01:52:11.000 What you see weaponized, that's the craft.

01:52:13.000 That's it.

01:52:15.000 Okay, so it's a video.

01:52:16.000 So this thing, what this thing is, they photographed it.

01:52:20.000 It's half of a football field size, and it was hovering over this military base, and then it just disappeared, just jetted off.

01:52:28.000 Interesting.

01:52:28.000 Fifty people saw it.

01:52:30.000 Fifty?

01:52:30.000 Yeah.

01:52:31.000 Who are these people?

01:52:32.000 Some military guys.

01:52:33.000 Who are these people?

01:52:35.000 The whole thing is the most exciting thing to me.

01:52:38.000 It's the most fun.

01:52:39.000 Out of all the stupid shit that I like to concentrate on.

01:52:42.000 You'd think they would have been here by now.

01:52:43.000 Illuminate the crap, but when the flares got close, the UFO vanished into thin air.

01:52:46.000 So they shot flares at it.

01:52:48.000 That's probably just a jetliner.

01:52:52.000 Why would it vanish into thin air?

01:52:55.000 Only magic does that.

01:52:57.000 They used magic.

01:52:58.000 Oh, what?

01:53:00.000 I never even thought of the fucking magic.

01:53:01.000 CNN. That was Tim Dillon's jet.

01:53:02.000 Do not run with that.

01:53:04.000 I'm telling you, that's nothing.

01:53:06.000 It vanished into thin air.

01:53:08.000 Ah, you're dreaming.

01:53:09.000 It probably just shot off at the same rate of speed like they always do.

01:53:15.000 Stop.

01:53:19.000 How many people would love a full invasion?

01:53:22.000 How about us?

01:53:23.000 We go camping, we're doing mushrooms, aliens land.

01:53:26.000 I'm dying for a probe.

01:53:28.000 Put it up my ass.

01:53:30.000 I don't think they do that anymore.

01:53:31.000 I think that's like corded phones.

01:53:33.000 I think they got everything they were looking for.

01:53:35.000 We have MRIs.

01:53:36.000 Why the fuck does an alien need a finger in your ass?

01:53:38.000 Good point.

01:53:39.000 Good point.

01:53:40.000 Just for fun.

01:53:41.000 Something to go tell the friends back at the farm.

01:53:44.000 Yeah, all those guys that said they got probed were definitely just sexually assaulted.

01:53:47.000 Oh, yeah.

01:53:47.000 Very repressed memories.

01:53:49.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:53:49.000 Fucking alien got in there.

01:53:51.000 Some fucking lumberjack fucked them in the forest.

01:53:53.000 And then left you right in front of that gay bar?

01:53:55.000 And they're fucking crazy.

01:53:56.000 Sons of bitches?

01:53:58.000 Somehow they're connected.

01:54:00.000 Son of bitches.

01:54:04.000 This guy was on my podcast.

01:54:06.000 Yeah.

01:54:06.000 This is the dude Travis Walton from that movie Fire in the Sky.

01:54:10.000 Did you ever see that movie Fire in the Sky?

01:54:11.000 Yeah.

01:54:11.000 He looks like the My Pillow.

01:54:13.000 That guy, there's a bunch of witnesses.

01:54:14.000 They saw him get hit with some sort of a beam.

01:54:17.000 They saw a craft land.

01:54:19.000 They were loggers.

01:54:20.000 This guy jumps out.

01:54:21.000 He's a crazy fucking logger dude.

01:54:24.000 Jumps out.

01:54:24.000 What the fuck is it?

01:54:25.000 Goes running towards it and he gets hit with his beam.

01:54:27.000 He falls down.

01:54:28.000 They drive off.

01:54:29.000 They get like...

01:54:31.000 You know, half a mile down the road, and they're screaming at each other, we gotta go back, we gotta go back.

01:54:35.000 So they turn around and go back.

01:54:36.000 They go back to the spot, and he's gone.

01:54:38.000 Five days later, the guy shows up with this crazy story.

01:54:43.000 He shows up, makes a phone call, he calls the police, calls his family.

01:54:46.000 He said he got abducted by that craft, and they fixed him.

01:54:49.000 They said his body was broken from the beam, and they took him aboard, and he had these encounters, and there was a movie called Fire in the Sky.

01:54:56.000 Why did it beam in the first place?

01:54:58.000 The movies, obviously, they took a lot of liberties with the story.

01:55:02.000 Wow.

01:55:03.000 Was it D.B. Cooper?

01:55:05.000 Is that the guy who was in it?

01:55:06.000 Oh, I know that guy.

01:55:07.000 That's a different guy.

01:55:08.000 D.B. Sweeney.

01:55:08.000 Yeah, D.B. Sweeney.

01:55:09.000 Whoa.

01:55:11.000 He's the guy that jumped out of the plane with the money.

01:55:14.000 Oh, yeah, with the money.

01:55:14.000 They don't know who that guy is.

01:55:15.000 That guy's badass.

01:55:16.000 That guy's a nut.

01:55:17.000 That guy fucking died immediately.

01:55:20.000 That guy had two broken legs and he was eaten by dogs.

01:55:23.000 He jumped out into the middle of the woods with no parachute and he survived, I guess.

01:55:27.000 The craziest is the cows that lose all their skin.

01:55:31.000 Oh, no, no, no.

01:55:32.000 You're talking about cattle mutilations.

01:55:33.000 Yes!

01:55:34.000 Yeah, they don't know what the fuck that is.

01:55:35.000 No explanation.

01:55:35.000 Turn them inside out?

01:55:36.000 They cut organs out with laser precision.

01:55:40.000 They remove the blood from the body with no visible method.

01:55:44.000 That's a chupacabra.

01:55:45.000 There's weird stuff that does happen to cows.

01:55:48.000 What about those images appear in the fields?

01:55:52.000 Crop circles.

01:55:52.000 Yeah, what the fuck is that?

01:55:53.000 Those are weird dudes.

01:55:54.000 No one's talking about that anymore.

01:55:55.000 Acropolis.

01:55:56.000 I think people gave up on that.

01:55:58.000 Those are dudes?

01:55:59.000 Yeah.

01:56:00.000 I think people gave up on the landscape guys.

01:56:03.000 Yeah, they gave up on them.

01:56:04.000 They were beacons.

01:56:04.000 I don't hear about that anymore.

01:56:05.000 No, you don't.

01:56:06.000 Because dudes were doing it.

01:56:07.000 Well, definitely dudes were doing it.

01:56:08.000 Yeah.

01:56:08.000 Yeah, but also, some of them were a little more interesting.

01:56:12.000 Yes, some of them, there was also, they were folded into place in a way where it seemed like a great deal of energy was in the husk of the stalk, and they had blown out.

01:56:25.000 No, no, no, there were some of them that they were trying to say, like, they had...

01:56:30.000 There was a way that you could do these things, but it's very clear when someone did it that way.

01:56:36.000 Crop circles were made by supernatural forests named Doug and Dave.

01:56:40.000 Intricate patterns carved in fields across England in the 1980s were a viral phenomenon long before the interest fed us such prankster curiosities daily.

01:56:49.000 The people that believe that some of them have something else to them.

01:56:54.000 But what about the cows?

01:56:55.000 Because they would pull the blood out.

01:56:57.000 This is a different thing.

01:56:59.000 Not one drop of blood.

01:57:01.000 Cattle mystery mutilated organ.

01:57:02.000 Not one drop of blood!

01:57:03.000 That's the weird one.

01:57:04.000 Just sounds like faulty reporting when they found the cow.

01:57:07.000 I think that's more likely than an alien.

01:57:10.000 People have done things.

01:57:11.000 People have done things.

01:57:13.000 Body parts precisely removed.

01:57:15.000 Someone has cut the organs out of that cow.

01:57:18.000 A weird dude is more likely.

01:57:19.000 Now if it was a person that's doing it, but the way they're doing it is very unusual.

01:57:23.000 No blood?

01:57:24.000 Come on.

01:57:24.000 Yeah.

01:57:24.000 I mean, I don't know why the fuck aliens would do that.

01:57:26.000 It doesn't make any sense.

01:57:28.000 But it does make sense.

01:57:30.000 What do you mean?

01:57:30.000 They're weird.

01:57:31.000 They want stuff.

01:57:31.000 They want to learn.

01:57:32.000 A lot of people lean towards aliens.

01:57:34.000 But why would they do that?

01:57:35.000 The same reason a fucking alien would.

01:57:37.000 But why no blood?

01:57:38.000 You know what, the cow blood?

01:57:40.000 Why would an alien want cow blood?

01:57:42.000 To learn about cows!

01:57:44.000 Yeah!

01:57:45.000 You gotta start somewhere!

01:57:46.000 Imagine if it was demons, but they couldn't quite...

01:57:50.000 They didn't have the authority to go after people yet.

01:57:56.000 So they let him have a few cows every now and then just to keep sassering.

01:57:59.000 Cut it out, Joe.

01:58:00.000 You're giving me the willies.

01:58:02.000 They live for thousands of years, these demons.

01:58:04.000 And they have to feast.

01:58:04.000 And they really just want to torture humans and gut them and suck their blood out and leave their fucking skin carcasses.

01:58:11.000 Lil Nas X is going to come up here.

01:58:13.000 Yeah, they always talk about natural.

01:58:14.000 Super natural.

01:58:16.000 Yeah, we're blaming it on aliens when it's demons.

01:58:18.000 Just demons.

01:58:19.000 Demons practicing.

01:58:20.000 They're like, okay, go take a cow, you fucking freaks.

01:58:23.000 Practice for the invasion.

01:58:24.000 They just go practice for what they're going to do to us.

01:58:26.000 Once they get the green light, once people are inexcusably evil, once there's just like...

01:58:32.000 Once they're like, Hitler...

01:58:33.000 Every country is ruled by evil dictators.

01:58:37.000 Well, probably that close.

01:58:39.000 That close.

01:58:40.000 A little more sodomy.

01:58:41.000 A little more.

01:58:41.000 And then unleashed.

01:58:42.000 Then we find out that Satan's real.

01:58:44.000 Sodom and Gomorrah.

01:58:45.000 Well, we're going to get some good comments after this one.

01:58:46.000 Satan is real, people.

01:58:48.000 Gohan writes, the reports of cow mutilations began in 1973, mostly in the West and Midwest.

01:58:53.000 It was often small-scale ranchers who reported them.

01:58:56.000 When local law enforcement agencies investigated, they frequently found that the cow's ears, eyes, rectums, and sex organs had been cut away with surgical precision.

01:59:04.000 What?

01:59:04.000 According to the newspaper reports, more than 10,000 of the incidents occurred by the end of the decade.

01:59:10.000 It's demons.

01:59:11.000 Demons.

01:59:12.000 You're fucking right.

01:59:13.000 Dude, you're fucking right.

01:59:14.000 It's demons.

01:59:14.000 They just have to practice every now and then.

01:59:17.000 Demon weigh-ins.

01:59:18.000 They want to.

01:59:19.000 They want to do it to people, but God won't let them yet.

01:59:22.000 Yeah, right.

01:59:23.000 But they need a feast.

01:59:24.000 Jesus Christ, dude.

01:59:26.000 Wow.

01:59:26.000 You're a machine.

01:59:27.000 I'm trying to pick it up here.

01:59:30.000 What about Target?

01:59:31.000 Target started selling devilware.

01:59:34.000 Well, Target started selling a lot of weird stuff like tucks, like where you could tuck your penis for really, really young boys.

01:59:42.000 Tucker Carlson.

01:59:44.000 So people started boycotting Target now.

01:59:46.000 Is that why Tuck got fired from Fox?

01:59:48.000 Yes.

01:59:50.000 That's why.

01:59:51.000 Now we've closed the circle.

01:59:53.000 Wait, Target's selling shit for kids to tuck their dicks?

01:59:55.000 Yes.

01:59:56.000 Is that fake?

01:59:58.000 Not fake, but it's for adults.

02:00:00.000 I don't think it was supposed to be for kids.

02:00:01.000 Yeah, but they have it in the kids' section with kids' stuff.

02:00:04.000 Here's where I saw it.

02:00:04.000 I saw it from Dave Smith.

02:00:06.000 I was wrong on this one.

02:00:09.000 Okay, it looks like I was wrong on this one.

02:00:11.000 The Tuck-friendly shit was for adults.

02:00:13.000 I read it somewhere you can never...

02:00:14.000 Okay, so it's not for kids.

02:00:16.000 He's a rabble-rouser, that one.

02:00:18.000 He's a rabble-rouser.

02:00:20.000 He's a rabble-rouser.

02:00:21.000 But it's all together with Pride kids stuff.

02:00:25.000 They have a Pride section.

02:00:27.000 They're stopping selling some stuff because some employees were getting harassed by people coming in.

02:00:32.000 Oh, damn!

02:00:33.000 They went after the employees.

02:00:34.000 That's what they did with the seller when Louie came back.

02:00:37.000 Oh, yeah.

02:00:38.000 The old waitress was, fuck you.

02:00:39.000 It's all the same mentality.

02:00:41.000 Yeah.

02:00:42.000 Gross.

02:00:43.000 That's a weird one because you know Target only did that because they thought it was going to make them more money.

02:00:49.000 They're a giant corporation.

02:00:50.000 If they do something like that, it's because they want to make more money.

02:00:53.000 So it's like that's how these marketing people that you were talking about, that's how they think about things.

02:00:58.000 They look at it through the eyes.

02:01:00.000 And also the eyes of the university, because they just get out of this system that indoctrinates you to a very specific way of thinking.

02:01:06.000 It takes a while to shake once you get out in the real world, and you realize, like, oh, this is just as authoritarian.

02:01:12.000 This is just as constrictive.

02:01:15.000 Or, like, in college, you're like, there's so many trans.

02:01:17.000 And then you go to the real world, like, oh, there's, like, four.

02:01:20.000 Right.

02:01:21.000 Like, Saturn did a whole campaign marketing to women, and they fucking skyrocketed women in sales.

02:01:27.000 This was, like, in, like...

02:01:28.000 Who's buying Saturn that has a dick?

02:01:30.000 Chicks, dude.

02:01:31.000 Really?

02:01:32.000 I thought they were from Venus.

02:01:33.000 I don't think they make them anymore.

02:01:34.000 No, they don't make them anymore.

02:01:35.000 It was like a plastic car.

02:01:36.000 Red Band had one for a long time.

02:01:38.000 They were very reliable.

02:01:38.000 Well, he's a bitch.

02:01:40.000 Hey, I'll dare you.

02:01:41.000 That's a good voice.

02:01:43.000 That was my tough guy.

02:01:46.000 Sunset Comedy Club.

02:01:47.000 Check it out.

02:01:49.000 It's on 6th Street.

02:01:50.000 Does it say beer light on your shirt?

02:01:52.000 Yeah.

02:01:53.000 Beer light.

02:01:54.000 We wouldn't have Bud Light.

02:01:55.000 We lucked out.

02:01:56.000 Imagine if it said Bud Light.

02:01:57.000 Jesus Christ.

02:01:58.000 Disaster.

02:01:59.000 They're available now online.

02:02:00.000 Yeah, you can get them online.

02:02:01.000 Hell yeah!

02:02:02.000 Tech.barks.

02:02:04.000 Let's go.

02:02:05.000 Now we're talking.

02:02:06.000 That's what we are.

02:02:07.000 I'll tell you, Austin's popping.

02:02:08.000 You can go to Vulcan, you can go to Sunset, you can go to Mothership.

02:02:11.000 Creek in the Cave.

02:02:12.000 Creek in the Cave, in that order.

02:02:13.000 It's all walking distance.

02:02:14.000 All walking distance.

02:02:15.000 Is there comedy in another part of town?

02:02:17.000 Cap City.

02:02:18.000 Yeah, Cap City.

02:02:18.000 Cap City's in the domain.

02:02:20.000 I hear that's great too.

02:02:20.000 They have two rooms.

02:02:21.000 Cap City's good.

02:02:22.000 They have a small room and a big room.

02:02:24.000 Yeah, Cap City's great.

02:02:25.000 What's the small room?

02:02:26.000 I don't know.

02:02:27.000 I have no idea.

02:02:28.000 Yeah, they're in the domain.

02:02:28.000 Is there like the old place that small rooms in the front bar?

02:02:30.000 I don't know.

02:02:31.000 I haven't been in a new place.

02:02:32.000 The small place was the shit.

02:02:34.000 That was a hot one.

02:02:35.000 That was the shit.

02:02:35.000 I tried to get that place.

02:02:37.000 Get a special there.

02:02:38.000 Yeah, the old small place.

02:02:39.000 Goddamn, that place was good.

02:02:41.000 That was a fucking banger of a club.

02:02:43.000 Still there.

02:02:44.000 Bill Hicks might have been there.

02:02:45.000 Still there, just waiting?

02:02:45.000 Still there.

02:02:46.000 Still there.

02:02:48.000 Yeah, I tried.

02:02:50.000 It's tied up.

02:02:51.000 Long story.

02:02:51.000 I'll tell you the whole deal.

02:02:53.000 There's a lot.

02:02:53.000 A lot to that story.

02:02:55.000 Yeah, but you got a good location.

02:02:56.000 I got the best location ever.

02:02:57.000 The universe wanted that building to have it.

02:03:00.000 It sounds so stupid, but right when we got in there and everything started, and we started the first time, I was like, exactly.

02:03:06.000 This is how it's supposed to be.

02:03:08.000 Dude, when you go in and you're waiting to go on, you're like, fuck, I'm thirsty.

02:03:11.000 And then there's like nine hands holding you water.

02:03:14.000 You feel like Oprah Winfrey.

02:03:16.000 You're like, oh, thanks.

02:03:17.000 And then they all go back to their fucking jobs.

02:03:19.000 It's so fun to perform there.

02:03:21.000 I do like to, before you go on, sit back there by yourself.

02:03:24.000 Yeah.

02:03:25.000 Behind the stage.

02:03:25.000 That shit's nice.

02:03:26.000 Yeah, that chair behind the stage.

02:03:28.000 It's the only club I've been to I've never heard a peep.

02:03:30.000 I've never heard a talk, a chat, a heckle.

02:03:34.000 Nothing.

02:03:34.000 The crowd is there for comedy.

02:03:36.000 They're great.

02:03:37.000 Yeah.

02:03:37.000 Build it, they will come.

02:03:39.000 You know, let everybody know what you're trying to do.

02:03:41.000 You did a great job, man.

02:03:42.000 It's a fucking fun performance place.

02:03:44.000 It's exciting to have a performance place.

02:03:46.000 You like good to go perform your art?

02:03:48.000 It's exciting.

02:03:49.000 You like hikes and art?

02:03:50.000 He does say stuff that makes you cringe sometimes.

02:03:52.000 I hate him.

02:03:53.000 I just said performance.

02:03:54.000 He doesn't even fucking respond, dude.

02:03:56.000 I was in fucking whatever.

02:03:58.000 He's in Auschwitz.

02:03:59.000 I have to pee.

02:04:00.000 Give him a hard time.

02:04:00.000 I gotta pee, too.

02:04:01.000 Let's pause.

02:04:03.000 When are you gonna pee?

02:04:03.000 I'm trying to outlast everybody.

02:04:05.000 I don't have to pee today.

02:04:06.000 Oh, this is a contest?

02:04:06.000 It's crazy.

02:04:07.000 I don't have to pee today.

02:04:08.000 Wait, you don't have to pee?

02:04:09.000 Not today.

02:04:10.000 It's weird.

02:04:10.000 What?

02:04:11.000 You're dehydrated.

02:04:12.000 Yeah.

02:04:13.000 I gotta hold it now.

02:04:14.000 Guys, while I was touring in Europe, I found out about the Fourth Reich, and it's something we should all be concerned about.

02:04:21.000 This will be appearing many times in this podcast coming.

02:04:24.000 The Fourth Reich, look it up!

02:04:30.000 Oh, that's fun.

02:04:32.000 You heard that there was a train in Austria that played a Hitler speech?

02:04:38.000 Some guy put it on the train and got the fuck out.

02:04:42.000 Pull it up.

02:04:43.000 It was a big deal.

02:04:44.000 I mean, on a train of all places.

02:04:45.000 There's a comedian from the 60s, and he starts going like, hey, let's all get going here.

02:04:49.000 And it's all to upscale people in Germany.

02:04:51.000 He goes, hip hip!

02:04:51.000 And they'll go, hooray!

02:04:52.000 He goes, hip hip!

02:04:53.000 Hooray!

02:04:55.000 And then he goes, a couple others like that.

02:04:57.000 And then he goes...

02:05:00.000 And I'll go, hi, fuck!

02:05:02.000 And he was like, that was too easy for you guys.

02:05:04.000 It's just in them.

02:05:05.000 You're all former comrades.

02:05:06.000 Yeah.

02:05:08.000 Now there's an ice cream shop outside of Auschwitz that's killing it, and all these people are pissed.

02:05:14.000 Because they're selling ice cream right there?

02:05:15.000 It's like too nice.

02:05:17.000 They want them to cry?

02:05:19.000 Yeah, it's like, what the hell?

02:05:20.000 You go to there and get some ice cream.

02:05:22.000 Also, you know you convince some kids, like, just be quiet for ten minutes, I'll get you ice cream.

02:05:27.000 Just do this tour, shut up, I'll get you ice cream.

02:05:29.000 Yeah.

02:05:30.000 Also, Haagen-Dazs sounds like a camp.

02:05:32.000 Haagen-Dazs!

02:05:33.000 That was an eighth camp.

02:05:36.000 It's gonna be a rocky road.

02:05:38.000 Alright.

02:05:39.000 I hate myself.

02:05:41.000 The vibe does change when you go down to two people.

02:05:45.000 Yeah!

02:05:46.000 Jamie, you gotta pick it up here.

02:05:48.000 No, we don't need it.

02:05:49.000 We got it.

02:05:50.000 Come on.

02:05:51.000 Hey, who's that guy with the fucking felt hat, the mushroom guy?

02:05:54.000 Paul Stamets.

02:05:55.000 Paul Stamets.

02:05:56.000 Who's that?

02:05:57.000 He looks like a fucking mushroom guy.

02:05:59.000 He's like the king of mushrooms.

02:06:00.000 Can he get Xanax?

02:06:02.000 I got a long Australia flight coming up.

02:06:05.000 Trying to pass out here.

02:06:07.000 Look at those mushrooms.

02:06:08.000 Oh, that guy?

02:06:09.000 Yeah.

02:06:10.000 Wow.

02:06:11.000 The rare baseball cap.

02:06:13.000 Oh, look at the size of that shroom.

02:06:15.000 My god, look at that thing.

02:06:17.000 What'd you guys suck each other's dicks in the fucking bathroom?

02:06:19.000 I wish.

02:06:20.000 Now I gotta pee.

02:06:20.000 You were gone longer than you should have been.

02:06:22.000 I wish I sucked it.

02:06:22.000 It was the total normal time to be gone.

02:06:24.000 Smell it.

02:06:25.000 No, we just didn't pee in the hallway like you, you fucking freak.

02:06:29.000 Yeah, that's why it takes so long.

02:06:30.000 You mutt.

02:06:31.000 You crazy person.

02:06:33.000 Pissed into a whiskey.

02:06:34.000 But this is how common that behavior is.

02:06:37.000 I knew he was going to pee out there.

02:06:38.000 Obviously.

02:06:39.000 How many times have you pissed in kombucha bottles here?

02:06:42.000 I pulled a bottle into the hallway.

02:06:43.000 If anything, you're like, kind of thank you for going outside.

02:06:46.000 Yeah, well, I don't care if you pee in here.

02:06:48.000 If you have, like, a bucket or something.

02:06:50.000 Man, even just half that thing.

02:06:53.000 What thing?

02:06:54.000 Chocolate.

02:06:55.000 The chocolate.

02:06:56.000 It hits you.

02:06:57.000 You're handling it very well.

02:06:59.000 I hear music.

02:06:59.000 Chocolate is a very...

02:07:01.000 You had your dancing shoes on last night.

02:07:03.000 Joe was dancing in the green room.

02:07:04.000 Get some good tunes going and get loose.

02:07:07.000 The green room is so special.

02:07:09.000 Yeah, it's very fun.

02:07:10.000 Last night it was Roseanne, Dice, Brian Simpson, Shane Gillis, Mark Norman, Tony Hinchcliffe, who else was there?

02:07:21.000 Asan Ahmad, who else was there?

02:07:22.000 Derek Poston, who else was there?

02:07:27.000 I think that was it.

02:07:28.000 It was insane.

02:07:30.000 It was so much fun.

02:07:33.000 We were just laughing and laughing and laughing.

02:07:38.000 It was like the best party.

02:07:40.000 I think that's it.

02:07:41.000 It was so good.

02:07:42.000 It was the best party.

02:07:44.000 He was searching for a name and they're like, no, that's it.

02:07:46.000 I didn't want to leave anybody out.

02:07:49.000 Adam wasn't there.

02:07:49.000 That's why it was so good.

02:07:50.000 No, dude.

02:07:52.000 Adam's my favorite part.

02:07:54.000 I love Adam.

02:07:55.000 Adam's my favorite part, dude.

02:07:57.000 I'm just fucking with him.

02:07:58.000 Of course.

02:07:58.000 But the party, like the hang in the green room was so fun.

02:08:02.000 The hang after was nice.

02:08:04.000 Oh, so nice.

02:08:04.000 It was just fun.

02:08:06.000 Yeah.

02:08:06.000 It's just so great.

02:08:07.000 That place is just so, like a warm hug.

02:08:10.000 You built a good spot.

02:08:11.000 I could use a fucking warm hug, dude.

02:08:12.000 But you know what the crazy thing is?

02:08:14.000 I didn't think it would be this.

02:08:17.000 You know, it's like we had something at the Vulcan and it was really cool.

02:08:21.000 We would do those shows there.

02:08:22.000 I mean, how many times we'd do shows.

02:08:23.000 It was a fucking great time.

02:08:24.000 Great time.

02:08:25.000 Great time.

02:08:25.000 It was fun.

02:08:26.000 Fun little hang.

02:08:27.000 But then when it went to the mothership, it just bloomed.

02:08:32.000 It blossomed.

02:08:32.000 So some multiple places to hang, kind of like the store was.

02:08:35.000 Also.

02:08:35.000 You just find yourself talking next to some fucking...

02:08:39.000 Clean glasses or something.

02:08:40.000 Also, the two nights of open mic nights.

02:08:42.000 Oh, that's good.

02:08:43.000 And all the door people are comics.

02:08:45.000 The whole thing changed.

02:08:47.000 The whole vibe changed.

02:08:48.000 What do you got?

02:08:48.000 No.

02:08:49.000 Oh, no, you son of a bitch.

02:08:51.000 Let's shotgun him.

02:08:52.000 Let's shotgun him for real.

02:08:53.000 All right, I'll shotgun one.

02:08:55.000 Damn, all this talk about piss makes me want to piss.

02:08:58.000 Jesus Christ.

02:08:59.000 Do you have to piss again?

02:09:00.000 Nah, not again.

02:09:00.000 I haven't gone at all.

02:09:01.000 Oh, go piss?

02:09:02.000 You haven't drank at all, you fucking...

02:09:03.000 Do you have to piss?

02:09:04.000 Yeah, you're drinking less.

02:09:06.000 Do you want to piss?

02:09:07.000 I do.

02:09:07.000 Go ahead, go ahead.

02:09:08.000 Mr. Europe, dude.

02:09:09.000 Mr. Big Time.

02:09:10.000 I won't piss then.

02:09:12.000 Mr. Berlin.

02:09:13.000 I've been to Berlin.

02:09:14.000 I'm so cultured and sophisticated, dude.

02:09:16.000 Don't let him bully you.

02:09:17.000 He's bullying you.

02:09:18.000 Fuck you.

02:09:18.000 Fuck Europe, dude.

02:09:19.000 My dad was in the Holocaust.

02:09:21.000 Whoa.

02:09:23.000 What did he do?

02:09:24.000 Europe sucks, dude.

02:09:25.000 Fuck Europe.

02:09:26.000 Fuck you.

02:09:27.000 America!

02:09:28.000 Fuck yeah.

02:09:29.000 I can't believe we're number one, dude.

02:09:31.000 America.

02:09:32.000 You go over there, you fucking European, dude.

02:09:34.000 With their falcons and their state birds.

02:09:36.000 Yeah.

02:09:38.000 Art looks like the bird.

02:09:39.000 How much longer do you think America will be number one?

02:09:41.000 Oh, we got about ten years.

02:09:43.000 As long as I'm alive, dude.

02:09:44.000 Turkey's coming back.

02:09:46.000 Turkey?

02:09:47.000 They're making a comeback.

02:09:48.000 They've been waiting in the wings.

02:09:50.000 Do they call themselves Turkey?

02:09:52.000 Turkey.

02:09:53.000 What do you think they call themselves?

02:09:54.000 Persia?

02:09:54.000 Little Persia?

02:09:55.000 Well, you know, like...

02:10:00.000 Nah, we need the real version, dude.

02:10:03.000 This is the real version.

02:10:05.000 That's not Trey Parker and Matt Stone.

02:10:08.000 That was it.

02:10:09.000 That was a cover.

02:10:10.000 There's a cover?

02:10:11.000 Jesus, you're a connoisseur.

02:10:14.000 Shannon was pissing himself when he met Trey.

02:10:16.000 There's more than one version of America.

02:10:18.000 Imagine hearing that song going, bro, we gotta cover that.

02:10:22.000 We gotta do it the same.

02:10:24.000 There must be so many covers of that.

02:10:25.000 Every band.

02:10:26.000 If you're doing a live performance, you break this out.

02:10:29.000 Hand me that?

02:10:29.000 Yeah.

02:10:30.000 Oh, yeah.

02:10:31.000 That's true.

02:10:31.000 You kinda have to if you're a party band.

02:10:36.000 We're number one, dude.

02:10:37.000 Fuck you.

02:10:38.000 Fuck Europe.

02:10:38.000 I like America.

02:10:39.000 I just had to do a tour.

02:10:42.000 Yeah, right.

02:10:45.000 Can't sell tickets here.

02:10:46.000 Yeah, right.

02:10:46.000 Oh, this is IPA. I don't like that.

02:10:49.000 Yeah, right.

02:10:50.000 You don't drink IPA? No, not this.

02:10:52.000 Are you kidding?

02:10:53.000 I'll shit blood.

02:10:55.000 Give me a BL. Here's a warm Bud Light.

02:10:57.000 Perfect.

02:10:58.000 Take a Bud Light.

02:10:58.000 No, no, it's warm.

02:10:59.000 It's perfect.

02:11:00.000 It's not warm enough.

02:11:01.000 Warm is better, too, because you won't get that headache.

02:11:03.000 Agreed.

02:11:04.000 Dude, we stuck our fucking hand in the ice bath.

02:11:07.000 That was hell!

02:11:09.000 We couldn't do 30 seconds of ice.

02:11:10.000 We couldn't even do it.

02:11:11.000 They were crying.

02:11:12.000 You're a freak, dude.

02:11:14.000 You're an alien.

02:11:14.000 I just do it every day.

02:11:15.000 You're an alien.

02:11:16.000 You're an alien.

02:11:17.000 Yeah, maybe that's the time.

02:11:18.000 Maybe that's why you're obsessed with them.

02:11:19.000 Yeah.

02:11:20.000 Because you're an alien.

02:11:21.000 No.

02:11:21.000 Repressed memories.

02:11:22.000 Oh, that's exactly what a fucking alien would say, dude.

02:11:26.000 No.

02:11:27.000 That's what the alien says?

02:11:29.000 No.

02:11:29.000 This feeble brain.

02:11:31.000 If this is the spiling spaceships, this fucking feeble brain.

02:11:35.000 You're dominating this planet.

02:11:36.000 Dude, what are you talking about?

02:11:37.000 You've changed the planet.

02:11:39.000 You're an alien.

02:11:40.000 You came down.

02:11:41.000 You have a comedy club from a mothership.

02:11:44.000 It's all right there.

02:11:45.000 No shit.

02:11:47.000 I'm just trying to tell them I'm a fan.

02:11:49.000 I'm letting them know I'm a fan.

02:11:50.000 You're an alien?

02:11:51.000 You came down, you're like, alright, here's the coolest thing.

02:11:53.000 Stand up in UFC. Okay.

02:11:55.000 You just do them?

02:11:56.000 No one gets to do that, dude.

02:11:57.000 DMT. Alien.

02:11:59.000 Bong that, dude.

02:12:00.000 America's the best.

02:12:01.000 You're an alien.

02:12:01.000 Imagine.

02:12:01.000 You're an alien.

02:12:02.000 What a fucking cover.

02:12:03.000 Be a really dumb dude.

02:12:05.000 Oh, stop trying to change the subject there.

02:12:08.000 What a cover.

02:12:08.000 What's your real name?

02:12:09.000 Romulus?

02:12:23.000 What is your real alien name though?

02:12:25.000 What would it be?

02:12:28.000 You're ripped, you got a huge dong.

02:12:30.000 You would have been taller though.

02:12:31.000 Why didn't you go taller?

02:12:32.000 I didn't get much food when I was a child.

02:12:34.000 They were like, don't make them stand out, but they went too low.

02:12:37.000 Too low.

02:12:39.000 No, he's got to fit in the fucking ship.

02:12:42.000 The escape pod.

02:12:44.000 Where's your escape pod?

02:12:46.000 Good point.

02:12:47.000 You're the tallest alien.

02:12:48.000 That's why they sent him.

02:12:49.000 Right.

02:12:50.000 And then he detached from the mission and was just like, Earth's pretty sick.

02:12:54.000 I like stand-up and UFC. And he stayed...

02:12:56.000 Damn!

02:12:57.000 He had two Bud Lights and he was like, I like this place.

02:12:59.000 Imagine if you really did decide that whatever does come after this is just too boring because you know it's not real.

02:13:05.000 It's not real consequences.

02:13:07.000 I'm fascinated by the N-word.

02:13:07.000 So you wanted to go back in time.

02:13:10.000 He can't handle it.

02:13:12.000 When anything gets too discussy, he's like, I haven't heard any laughs.

02:13:17.000 Oh, you're really sucking that thing.

02:13:19.000 He's going for you this time.

02:13:20.000 You look like Hinchcliffe.

02:13:22.000 Ha ha ha!

02:13:31.000 Oh, man.

02:13:33.000 Everybody's always like, mention me on the pod.

02:13:35.000 You're like, no, you don't want that.

02:13:39.000 Oh, Jesus Christ.

02:13:43.000 Yeah, we'll tell Hinchcliffe tonight.

02:13:45.000 Hey, we mentioned you on the show.

02:13:47.000 Oh, really?

02:13:48.000 What did you say?

02:13:50.000 You son of a bitch, Shane.

02:13:52.000 This pod just got cooking.

02:13:56.000 That feels good.

02:13:57.000 It brings me right back.

02:13:59.000 I was hungover.

02:14:00.000 I was anxious.

02:14:01.000 Now I'm even.

02:14:03.000 Now you're back?

02:14:03.000 I'm back.

02:14:05.000 America!

02:14:05.000 Yeah, I'll just chug this.

02:14:06.000 Fuck yeah.

02:14:07.000 Go RE! Do you think this would make news that you're drinking Bud Light?

02:14:12.000 No, dude.

02:14:12.000 Bud Light's abandoned me.

02:14:14.000 Have they abandoned you?

02:14:15.000 They never reached out.

02:14:16.000 I would have been a nice...

02:14:17.000 You might be the only guy to turn it around because you haven't abandoned them.

02:14:21.000 I'll never leave you.

02:14:22.000 But you're very America.

02:14:24.000 You know, this is a strong stance.

02:14:26.000 To really keep buying what you enjoy despite the obvious controversy that's gonna come.

02:14:33.000 Yeah.

02:14:34.000 Good for you, Shane Gillis.

02:14:36.000 You're a fucking hero.

02:14:37.000 Pamela!

02:14:38.000 Superman!

02:14:39.000 I always hated that guy.

02:14:41.000 Shane Gillis, you're a real American.

02:14:43.000 That's what a real American does.

02:14:45.000 No, for real.

02:14:45.000 That's what a real American does.

02:14:47.000 This is alien talk.

02:14:47.000 You go, I don't give a fuck.

02:14:48.000 Alien talk.

02:14:49.000 I'm just drinking Bud Light.

02:14:51.000 That's what I drink.

02:14:51.000 I don't give a fuck.

02:14:52.000 I don't give a fuck.

02:14:53.000 That's like, I used to drink Zima.

02:14:55.000 And people used to get mad at it.

02:14:56.000 I remember Zima was the first White Claw time.

02:14:58.000 What?

02:14:58.000 Fucking gay.

02:14:59.000 You drank Zima?

02:15:01.000 Dudes wouldn't allow it.

02:15:02.000 Zima?

02:15:02.000 Dudes wouldn't allow it.

02:15:03.000 They go, that's gay.

02:15:04.000 They shamed everybody.

02:15:05.000 And they brought it back 20 years later with White Claw.

02:15:07.000 You can't shame a man.

02:15:08.000 Yeah, because there was Mike's Hard Lemonade.

02:15:10.000 You had to like twist and tease.

02:15:12.000 Yeah, it saves more evil somehow.

02:15:14.000 You can't shame a man with a Zima and a fanny pack.

02:15:17.000 Zima McIntyre.

02:15:18.000 You got nothing.

02:15:19.000 Imagine a train killer walking on the street holding a Zemo.

02:15:22.000 That makes zero sense.

02:15:24.000 That one, I'm like, how did you even want to go for the trigger?

02:15:30.000 How did you pull the trigger?

02:15:33.000 It's my favorite.

02:15:34.000 How did you pull the trigger on that one?

02:15:38.000 Zima McIntyre.

02:15:40.000 Zima Gomez.

02:15:42.000 There you go.

02:15:43.000 That is like Selena, Zima.

02:15:46.000 I like Zima McIntyre.

02:15:48.000 Rita.

02:15:49.000 Zima.

02:15:50.000 It was a stretch.

02:15:53.000 Oh my god.

02:15:54.000 Who drank Zima?

02:15:55.000 That's an alien move.

02:15:56.000 I remember them being at parties.

02:15:57.000 They were not allowed.

02:15:58.000 I drank them.

02:15:59.000 They served that on Tatooine.

02:16:00.000 I like them.

02:16:01.000 They taste good.

02:16:01.000 Shut the fuck up.

02:16:02.000 You're at the bar in Tatooine drinking Zima's.

02:16:05.000 I don't give a fuck.

02:16:10.000 Solo, you owe me a 50 grand.

02:16:12.000 I don't think I'm going to be able to do this.

02:16:14.000 Yeah.

02:16:15.000 Stop.

02:16:15.000 You always say that.

02:16:16.000 No, I'm going to laugh.

02:16:16.000 No, you won't.

02:16:17.000 We're going to have a good time.

02:16:18.000 You better not make me laugh, dude.

02:16:19.000 Come on.

02:16:20.000 We're going to have a good fucking time.

02:16:21.000 No, I meant this.

02:16:22.000 Oh, that too.

02:16:23.000 You'll laugh.

02:16:24.000 You'll hold a straight face.

02:16:25.000 I think it's something else.

02:16:29.000 There we go.

02:16:31.000 Crystal Pepsi was big.

02:16:34.000 I'll tell you about Pepsi Spice.

02:16:37.000 Let me tell you a story about Pepsi Spice.

02:16:42.000 Brian Redman had the ultimate troll.

02:16:44.000 Here we go.

02:16:45.000 He's going.

02:16:46.000 Atta baby.

02:16:48.000 Right down that double chin.

02:16:50.000 You know who will fuck you up in a shotgunning contest?

02:16:54.000 Who?

02:16:54.000 That was pretty fast.

02:16:55.000 Luke Combs.

02:16:56.000 Guaranteed.

02:16:57.000 I saw him.

02:16:59.000 We did one together.

02:17:00.000 We shotgunned one together.

02:17:02.000 Country guy?

02:17:03.000 He did it in one gulp.

02:17:04.000 The whole can.

02:17:06.000 It was extraordinary.

02:17:07.000 It just...

02:17:09.000 Taylor LeJuan from Bustin' with the Boys.

02:17:11.000 He's putting together a Beer Olympics thing.

02:17:13.000 It's just a scam.

02:17:14.000 He's the best at it.

02:17:16.000 How good can you get?

02:17:19.000 I thought, I was like, here we go, watch this.

02:17:21.000 I flew Combs.

02:17:21.000 Who is he?

02:17:22.000 You see the one, we're all fishing in the same pond?

02:17:24.000 Is that him or somebody else?

02:17:25.000 Is he a singer?

02:17:26.000 Yeah, he's great.

02:17:26.000 He's very, very famous.

02:17:27.000 He's a cool motherfucker, too.

02:17:29.000 Very cool dude.

02:17:29.000 America!

02:17:31.000 Fuck yeah!

02:17:32.000 Combs!

02:17:32.000 I'm gonna save the motherfucking day!

02:17:35.000 I thought you were doing that right now.

02:17:37.000 Well, that is me.

02:17:41.000 I do sound the same.

02:17:42.000 Yeah, that's like a...

02:17:43.000 Oh, there it goes.

02:17:44.000 Aw, you motherfuckers, dude.

02:17:45.000 Just like watching your girlfriend cheat.

02:17:48.000 Oh, yeah, dude.

02:17:49.000 That's a big roll.

02:17:50.000 Fuck yeah!

02:17:50.000 Ready?

02:17:51.000 Three, two, one.

02:17:56.000 Holy shit!

02:17:57.000 That was insane!

02:17:58.000 You beat me by a solid 3 seconds.

02:18:00.000 You can't compete with that.

02:18:01.000 I can't compete with that.

02:18:02.000 That was one second beer?

02:18:03.000 That was extraordinary.

02:18:04.000 You beat me by a Tesla 0-60.

02:18:07.000 The reason you beat me by the quantum second.

02:18:15.000 It was a truly extraordinary shotgun.

02:18:18.000 That was insane.

02:18:19.000 He's got to be up there with the greats.

02:18:21.000 I love how calm he was.

02:18:22.000 He knew what was going to happen before you knew.

02:18:24.000 So he's like, go ahead, prepare yourself.

02:18:25.000 It was like one of them dudes that says you want to arm wrestle, you know?

02:18:28.000 Yeah.

02:18:28.000 He does it every night.

02:18:29.000 Wow, look at this guy.

02:18:31.000 Oh, he does it every night.

02:18:32.000 Wow, dude.

02:18:34.000 Animal.

02:18:35.000 Still a lot left in that can.

02:18:36.000 I don't think so.

02:18:37.000 That was froth, bro.

02:18:38.000 If you could hear the sound of the empty clean.

02:18:40.000 That's a meaty, meaty dog up there, too.

02:18:42.000 Yeah, he's a good dude.

02:18:43.000 He's a big bitch.

02:18:43.000 Big unit.

02:18:44.000 Big fella.

02:18:45.000 Fun guy.

02:18:46.000 We had a great fucking podcast.

02:18:48.000 He was cool as hell, dude.

02:18:50.000 I saw him on the meat-eater show.

02:18:51.000 What is that move?

02:18:53.000 What is that?

02:18:55.000 He's moving, he's swirling.

02:18:56.000 He's got lizards.

02:18:58.000 Swallowing something.

02:18:59.000 Good to have you back.

02:19:01.000 About 40 minutes and I was gone.

02:19:02.000 I noticed that.

02:19:03.000 Oh, I was gone.

02:19:04.000 The pod was better.

02:19:05.000 I think I announced it.

02:19:06.000 Yeah, let's have your gibberish.

02:19:10.000 You're not for these stories.

02:19:11.000 How about just random words?

02:19:17.000 It's the perfect combination.

02:19:19.000 I look forward to these like Christmas.

02:19:21.000 Yeah, it's fun.

02:19:22.000 This is the first one I wasn't dreading.

02:19:25.000 Really?

02:19:25.000 I was looking forward to it.

02:19:26.000 You dread these?

02:19:27.000 No, this is like battle, dude.

02:19:29.000 You're going to get fucking annihilated.

02:19:32.000 Come on, it's fun.

02:19:34.000 But the party's only started.

02:19:36.000 That's the hardest part.

02:19:38.000 We got tonight's party.

02:19:39.000 That's gonna be tough.

02:19:40.000 We got two shows.

02:19:41.000 I know, this is what we do every single time.

02:19:44.000 This is the first time that we've done since you started the...

02:19:47.000 You're not even...

02:19:48.000 You're not even touching anything.

02:19:50.000 What are you doing?

02:19:50.000 I did 60% of that mushroom first of all.

02:19:52.000 Why are you claiming 60 on this?

02:19:54.000 Why are you just claiming 60% of that?

02:19:56.000 I saw your 40 and I was like, I'll take the rest.

02:19:59.000 But you haven't had a beer or anything.

02:20:00.000 I had a shotgun of beer and two full glasses of tequila.

02:20:03.000 Oh my god, you had three drinks?

02:20:05.000 Oh, your voice gets real high when you're full of shit.

02:20:11.000 That's right, the weed.

02:20:19.000 My people, I didn't kill Jesus.

02:20:23.000 We bloody killed Jesus!

02:20:28.000 What the hell are you doing?

02:20:31.000 Sorry, what were you saying there?

02:20:32.000 I don't remember.

02:20:33.000 I don't remember either.

02:20:34.000 I don't know.

02:20:34.000 You said I was American, that was pretty sick, actually.

02:20:36.000 Yeah, you're American as fuck.

02:20:38.000 The fact, no, legitimately, the fact that you don't give a fuck and you keep drinking Bud Light despite the controversy, you're not going to bow, that's what you enjoy?

02:20:45.000 That is America.

02:20:45.000 I like Bud Light.

02:20:46.000 Drink your shit.

02:20:47.000 I mean, come on, man.

02:20:47.000 We're all talking shit on phones that are made by slaves.

02:20:50.000 It's all nonsense.

02:20:51.000 Here, here.

02:20:51.000 Look at these beauties.

02:20:51.000 That's the only reason I talk on them.

02:20:53.000 Sweatshop!

02:20:53.000 There you go, sweatshop.

02:20:54.000 That was the first time I got called gay at a bar, dude.

02:20:59.000 That's how we talk, dude.

02:21:01.000 It's not going to truly deter me.

02:21:03.000 If I order a Bud Light and someone's like, are you gay?

02:21:05.000 I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:21:06.000 I'll suck your dick, dude.

02:21:09.000 I'm going to fucking blow you right now, you fucking bitch.

02:21:12.000 Do you think Bud Light's going to bounce back?

02:21:14.000 Yeah.

02:21:14.000 I think so.

02:21:15.000 I think they will with your help.

02:21:16.000 I think this story is all.

02:21:17.000 I think Bud Light needs to just send me fucking $50,000.

02:21:20.000 Just hire Chuck Norris.

02:21:21.000 Just give him a case.

02:21:22.000 Give me 20 bucks.

02:21:23.000 Hire Chuck Norris.

02:21:24.000 I sell a thousand Bud Lights every weekend.

02:21:27.000 They should hire Kid Rock to be the spokesman.

02:21:30.000 That's a lot.

02:21:33.000 They should.

02:21:35.000 We talked about it last night.

02:21:36.000 That would be the best.

02:21:38.000 How about Rock is the best?

02:21:41.000 30 second Kid Rock commercial, let him go fucking nuts.

02:21:43.000 One second before the end, Shane just comes in and goes, and me.

02:21:48.000 Exclusivity.

02:21:50.000 All of it together.

02:21:50.000 I'm also part of this.

02:21:52.000 When I texted you last night about what we were laughing at last time, it was the MyPillow guy.

02:22:00.000 I was like last time we took mushrooms I was like we were dying about something I was like it was so stupid that I was like I kind of remember I think we were laughing about somebody like murdering a trans person We were laughing at the MyPillow guy being so angry About trans people.

02:22:19.000 Oh, that was hilarious.

02:22:19.000 If he saw one, he'd be like, hey, you son of a bitch.

02:22:26.000 He smothers him with a pillow.

02:22:27.000 You motherfucker, get out of here.

02:22:31.000 I remember that.

02:22:32.000 That's what it was.

02:22:32.000 It was his kid.

02:22:33.000 It was his kid.

02:22:33.000 His kid was trans.

02:22:36.000 That's right, if his kid was trans.

02:22:38.000 That's what it was.

02:22:39.000 That's what it was.

02:22:40.000 I'm Mike Wendell.

02:22:42.000 That's one that you have to be there.

02:22:45.000 You try to tell that to somebody?

02:22:47.000 Oh my god, we were having so much fun.

02:22:49.000 This is what we were laughing at.

02:22:50.000 We're talking about some business owner killing his son.

02:22:53.000 Killing his trance.

02:22:55.000 He killed him with a pillow because he sells pillows.

02:22:56.000 Get it?

02:22:58.000 It's actually funny.

02:22:59.000 Nine Eagles in, we were doing that.

02:23:01.000 Well, what's funny is the idea that this guy is like...

02:23:04.000 Has any thoughts.

02:23:06.000 It keeps killing his company.

02:23:09.000 His company just fucking dies every time he opens his mouth.

02:23:11.000 You're not going to believe it.

02:23:12.000 We're making fucking slippers now.

02:23:15.000 We believe it.

02:23:16.000 This company's transitioning.

02:23:17.000 How bad has the company been hit?

02:23:19.000 Because they've taken him out of stores, right?

02:23:21.000 The what?

02:23:22.000 MyPillow's?

02:23:24.000 Not in stores?

02:23:25.000 I think he was never in stores.

02:23:26.000 Am I misinformed?

02:23:27.000 How did they get hit?

02:23:28.000 They got hit somehow or another.

02:23:30.000 Was there a boycott of them?

02:23:32.000 Is that what it was?

02:23:32.000 We're just going right back to the last one.

02:23:34.000 I'm just trying to remember.

02:23:35.000 I just want to clarify because I already brought it up.

02:23:38.000 Something happened with the MyPillow guy.

02:23:41.000 Well, like, his business has been affected by all this being connected to, you know.

02:23:47.000 Pillow talk.

02:23:47.000 I just like his fucking poster.

02:23:49.000 He's got, like, every commercial, he's got, like, Jesus and a lion.

02:23:52.000 Giant cross.

02:23:53.000 Giant cross.

02:23:54.000 Crucifix.

02:23:55.000 Yeah, he's all in on a lot of stuff, right?

02:23:58.000 Whack.

02:23:58.000 Whackadoo.

02:23:59.000 Oh, he's a nut.

02:24:00.000 He built that pillow in his basement and his wife left him.

02:24:03.000 True story.

02:24:04.000 Over a pillow.

02:24:05.000 No shit.

02:24:06.000 It's going crazy.

02:24:07.000 What are you doing?

02:24:08.000 I'm building a pillow, honey.

02:24:10.000 Leave me alone.

02:24:14.000 Imagine you're obsessed for a decade in the basement.

02:24:17.000 You want to hang out with your wife.

02:24:18.000 Just make it a pillow.

02:24:19.000 Yeah.

02:24:20.000 He's like, you'll sleep better.

02:24:21.000 But meanwhile, he was right.

02:24:22.000 Sleep with me.

02:24:22.000 He was right.

02:24:23.000 He was right.

02:24:24.000 How was he right?

02:24:25.000 Was he?

02:24:25.000 How the fuck was that guy right?

02:24:27.000 Have we tried the pillow?

02:24:28.000 I'm sure the pillow's pretty fucking great.

02:24:30.000 It's gotta be good.

02:24:30.000 It's selling well, I think.

02:24:31.000 So did his business get hurt by that?

02:24:36.000 What am I getting?

02:24:37.000 From advertisements or something like that?

02:24:39.000 Like, there was something...

02:24:40.000 You're like a reformed crackhead?

02:24:43.000 Him?

02:24:43.000 Was he really?

02:24:44.000 I think he was the drug guy, and then he found God.

02:24:46.000 Here's an article that usually says he can't get back $75 million in revenue lost due to Trump ties.

02:24:52.000 That's it.

02:24:52.000 Oh!

02:24:54.000 Trump ties, and that's a good invention.

02:24:56.000 Oh, so he was on shelves at Sam's Club, Kohl's, and Bed Bath& Beyond, which is also now closed.

02:25:00.000 Was I wrong about accusing him of doing drugs?

02:25:03.000 Because...

02:25:04.000 Check out the drug history.

02:25:06.000 Yeah, this guy's probably the man.

02:25:07.000 He might be the man.

02:25:08.000 Well, if you sleep in an alley for ten years, you're drinking pillows.

02:25:13.000 You're sleeping on a box.

02:25:15.000 In his 20s, he became addicted to and a frequent user of cocaine.

02:25:20.000 There it is!

02:25:21.000 We all do cocaine, dude.

02:25:23.000 What's a frequent user?

02:25:24.000 I mean, Jamie's a frequent user.

02:25:26.000 Saturday?

02:25:27.000 Switch to crack.

02:25:28.000 Switch to crack in the 90s, like everybody.

02:25:30.000 Like Diaz.

02:25:30.000 Diaz said he did crack for six months because the coke dealer wasn't on his way home.

02:25:34.000 David Cross, too, loved crack.

02:25:36.000 Wow.

02:25:37.000 Damn, throw that out there.

02:25:39.000 Really?

02:25:39.000 He talks about it online.

02:25:41.000 He loved crack.

02:25:42.000 David Cross loved crack?

02:25:44.000 He said he did it once, and he's like, I get it.

02:25:46.000 I get why people are crackheads.

02:25:48.000 Oh, he only did it once, didn't he?

02:25:50.000 I guess he still did it.

02:25:51.000 I did crack once.

02:25:53.000 Did you really?

02:25:53.000 Yeah, a fan gave me Molly, and I was like, oh, and me and the lady went to Paris, we went to the Louvre, and I said, let's do the Molly at the Louvre.

02:26:02.000 We took crack.

02:26:03.000 We're in the molly like, tweaking out and looking at the statue of David, shaking and drooling.

02:26:11.000 You're the only person.

02:26:12.000 I'm the only person.

02:26:13.000 You're the only person ever to do crack at the Louvre.

02:26:17.000 In the Louvre.

02:26:19.000 I thought you had to smoke it.

02:26:20.000 Well, I ate it.

02:26:21.000 I ate the rock.

02:26:22.000 Eat the rock.

02:26:24.000 Last night...

02:26:24.000 Well, I don't...

02:26:25.000 Fuck, never mind.

02:26:26.000 Last night?

02:26:26.000 No, I'm saying that there's Molly.

02:26:28.000 Someone has Molly.

02:26:29.000 Oh, yeah, yeah.

02:26:30.000 And he was like...

02:26:31.000 Well, somebody.

02:26:31.000 I have Molly.

02:26:32.000 But it's from a fan also.

02:26:34.000 Yeah, he was like, let's do Molly.

02:26:35.000 I was like, shit, yeah, maybe.

02:26:37.000 And he was like, a fan gave it to me.

02:26:38.000 I was like, no.

02:26:40.000 What are you talking about?

02:26:41.000 Out of your fucking mind.

02:26:43.000 He's a nice fan.

02:26:44.000 He looked, you know.

02:26:46.000 David Cross talks about trying crack.

02:26:48.000 With you.

02:26:49.000 On Jimmy Kimmel Live.

02:26:50.000 Oh, there you go.

02:26:51.000 You see it's out there.

02:26:51.000 We might be drunk.

02:26:52.000 Let's go.

02:26:53.000 Yeah, fun.

02:26:54.000 Fun episode.

02:26:55.000 There you go.

02:26:56.000 You doing crack at the Louvre is...

02:26:58.000 That's hilarious.

02:26:58.000 That's something you gotta be proud about.

02:27:00.000 What was it like?

02:27:00.000 Yeah, no one's done that.

02:27:01.000 It sucked.

02:27:02.000 Really?

02:27:02.000 Because I ate it, which I don't think you're supposed to do.

02:27:04.000 So my body didn't know what was going on, and I ran right to the bathroom.

02:27:07.000 I'm shitting insane, like dumb and dumber shitting at the Louvre.

02:27:12.000 So all these French people are like, what do we do?

02:27:14.000 Yeah, and I'm like, ah!

02:27:18.000 You know.

02:27:19.000 It was bad.

02:27:20.000 But I saw some beautiful art.

02:27:22.000 I'm sweating.

02:27:23.000 Me and Mom went there with my lady.

02:27:25.000 We're sweating and twitching.

02:27:27.000 Staring at the Mona Lisa.

02:27:28.000 I love the idea of Norman seeing art.

02:27:31.000 I love the idea of stupid watch beeping in the middle of it.

02:27:36.000 Mona Lisa.

02:27:37.000 She's not that hot.

02:27:38.000 Mona Lisa.

02:27:39.000 Mona Lisa Traeger.

02:27:41.000 What?

02:27:43.000 Mona Lisa Whiskey.

02:27:46.000 Mona Lisa Whiskey.

02:27:48.000 Oh my god.

02:27:54.000 Bullshit!

02:27:55.000 That's the most Mark Norman thing you've ever said!

02:27:59.000 Oh my god!

02:28:00.000 That's a mouthful!

02:28:01.000 Oh my god, that's a mouthful!

02:28:03.000 People would be like, what?

02:28:06.000 I shouted out, she got framed, and nobody got it.

02:28:09.000 She got framed?

02:28:10.000 Did you shout that out?

02:28:11.000 I shouted out to Lou, and all these French people were like, shut up, you stupid American.

02:28:16.000 Oh my god!

02:28:17.000 Oh my god, it's already on the internet.

02:28:19.000 That's insane.

02:28:20.000 Oh, the mushrooms are kicking in.

02:28:22.000 Oh my god.

02:28:23.000 I think she's hot.

02:28:24.000 I would have definitely jizzed on her dress.

02:28:25.000 So hot.

02:28:27.000 Hotter than Hillary.

02:28:28.000 Ha ha.

02:28:31.000 I mean, that's a fact.

02:28:34.000 He was the first president that got busted.

02:28:39.000 No, JFK was fucking Marilyn.

02:28:40.000 Yeah, but he didn't get busted.

02:28:41.000 Full busted.

02:28:42.000 There was rumors.

02:28:43.000 He was the first president.

02:28:45.000 JFK was wild, though, because everybody knew he was fucking Marilyn Monroe, and she still sang in front of the wife.

02:28:51.000 Yeah.

02:28:51.000 A lot of presidents had...

02:28:53.000 Happy birthday!

02:28:54.000 ...public affairs.

02:28:55.000 Yeah.

02:28:56.000 Missed.

02:28:56.000 And Jackie O was pretty.

02:28:58.000 You're talking about back.

02:29:00.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:29:01.000 What years were those?

02:29:02.000 Every single one.

02:29:03.000 That was the days before teeth.

02:29:05.000 Every single one.

02:29:06.000 Back when people died young.

02:29:07.000 Shout out Sally Hemmings.

02:29:08.000 Let's go.

02:29:11.000 Is this history?

02:29:12.000 We going history?

02:29:13.000 No, I don't want to do that.

02:29:14.000 I like Norman right now.

02:29:17.000 Hemingway.

02:29:17.000 I need more Norman.

02:29:18.000 Hey!

02:29:19.000 Keep it going, dude.

02:29:20.000 I'll take any drug of faith.

02:29:21.000 You give me a drug fan, I've taken a lot of weird Viagra.

02:29:25.000 Really?

02:29:26.000 Yeah.

02:29:27.000 That gas station Viagra will get your heart pumped.

02:29:29.000 Don't ask people to give you things.

02:29:30.000 Just as a general rule.

02:29:32.000 Buy drugs.

02:29:33.000 Just weed.

02:29:34.000 You guys, if anybody's listening, give me some fucking Viagra.

02:29:38.000 Give me some over-the-fucking-counter truck station.

02:29:42.000 Like Red Band used to take.

02:29:44.000 Oh, Pepsi Spice.

02:29:47.000 Red Band is one of the greatest trolls of all time.

02:29:50.000 Great troll.

02:29:50.000 Red Band starts, he buys pepsispice.com because they were dumb.

02:29:54.000 They didn't know what the fuck was going on back then.

02:29:56.000 He trolled you by opening a comedy club a block away.

02:29:58.000 I helped him.

02:30:00.000 So he buys pepsispice.com and then he makes a whole diary of him eating Pepsi Spice and dying.

02:30:09.000 Getting horrific diarrhea, blood spraying out of his ass.

02:30:13.000 They didn't think to get the domain before they launched a product.

02:30:17.000 But he kept this going for months.

02:30:20.000 He kept updating all these updates on his health conditions.

02:30:26.000 Pepsispice.com.

02:30:27.000 It's amazing.

02:30:28.000 Damn.

02:30:28.000 It's some dickhead.

02:30:29.000 It's amazing.

02:30:30.000 That's great.

02:30:31.000 It's one of the greatest trolls of all time.

02:30:33.000 The company's like, can you take that down?

02:30:35.000 We have no control over it.

02:30:37.000 It's some guy, and he's not even looking for money.

02:30:39.000 So he had video of him where he continued to lose weight.

02:30:43.000 He's got some real humps.

02:30:45.000 I'm just on Pepsi Spice.

02:30:47.000 Yeah, you're on Pepsi Spice Project.

02:30:49.000 Yeah, he's red pee.

02:30:49.000 This is scary shit, dude.

02:30:52.000 Wow.

02:30:55.000 It shows that his pee's all fucked up from Pepsi Spice.

02:30:58.000 What a fucking asshole.

02:31:00.000 He literally killed Pepsi Spice.

02:31:02.000 When was the last time you saw Pepsi Spice?

02:31:04.000 It's done.

02:31:04.000 I've never heard of it.

02:31:05.000 He probably killed it.

02:31:07.000 Damn.

02:31:08.000 Fuck out this loser.

02:31:09.000 It was kind of weird though, wasn't it?

02:31:10.000 It was like cinnamon?

02:31:12.000 I don't know.

02:31:13.000 Was it good?

02:31:14.000 It might be good.

02:31:15.000 He might have fucked it up for everyone.

02:31:17.000 That's a joyous way from the world.

02:31:18.000 Cherry Coke is really good.

02:31:20.000 Cherry Coke is good.

02:31:21.000 Cherry Coke is delicious.

02:31:22.000 Where's Spice Girl?

02:31:23.000 Cherry Coke Spice?

02:31:25.000 She's bubbly.

02:31:27.000 She's bubbly.

02:31:29.000 She's got great cans.

02:31:31.000 Stop it.

02:31:35.000 Okay, we're having fun.

02:31:36.000 I just love, I love, I'll never stop.

02:31:38.000 You on crack in the Louvre and be like, oh my god, oh my god.

02:31:43.000 Brutal.

02:31:45.000 Imagine a reality show, a real reality show.

02:31:48.000 Crack in the Louvre.

02:31:49.000 Someone's in there with Norman.

02:31:51.000 My poor lady, she's like, I'll do Molly and I'm giving her handfuls of crack.

02:31:56.000 Also, yeah.

02:31:58.000 She's like a nice lady from, you know, the suburbs and I'm like, here's some crack, you crazy whore.

02:32:04.000 Welcome to the Louvre!

02:32:06.000 I like how specific you are in your doses, too.

02:32:09.000 Also, the Louvre is not the best place for Molly.

02:32:12.000 It's also the wrong place for that.

02:32:14.000 Oh, really?

02:32:14.000 Yeah, it's like for weed.

02:32:16.000 Molly's like, you want to go sit by yourself or at a rave.

02:32:21.000 Yeah, weed is a good call for a gallery.

02:32:23.000 So where do you do Molly?

02:32:24.000 Molly?

02:32:25.000 We could do it tonight.

02:32:27.000 Oh, it's fan Molly.

02:32:29.000 Speaking of which...

02:32:30.000 I'll give it a check.

02:32:31.000 We gotta get out of here.

02:32:32.000 Let's just end it in the middle of a sentence.

02:32:35.000 Right here.

02:32:35.000 Damn, we just got good cooking.

The Joe Rogan Experience - May 26, 2023

Joe Rogan Experience #1991 - Protect Our Parks 8

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