The Joe Rogan Experience - March 28, 2012


Joe Rogan Experience #200 - Duncan Trussell

Topics
AlphaBrain materialism enlightenment payment sex credit cards dating and deception itching asshole on podcast prescription drug deaths prohibition of psychedelics psychedelics laws privacy solar power sand blocks cloud seeding chemtrails conspiracy Finding Bigfoot show aliens political correctness game theory crazy basketball thing
Hosted by
Joe Rogan
Guests
Duncan Trussell
Mentioned
Brian Duncan Bigfoot Jimi Hendrix Purple Haze Madonna Dude Pamela Anderson Jimmy Swaggart Brendan Walsh Joey Diaz Stanhope Roberts Sting Molly Albert Hoffman Michael Rupert Francis Crick Aldous Huxley Ghost Hunters and 74 more
Joe Rogan Experience #199 - Joey Diaz Joe Rogan Experience #201 - EverLast

Episode Stats


Length

2 hours and 42 minutes

Words per minute

198.91

Word count

32,403

Sentence count

3,675

Harmful content

Misogyny

153

sentences flagged

Toxicity

1,374

sentences flagged

Hate speech

133

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode of The Joe Rogan Experience, the boys talk about a variety of topics, including the new Fleshlight, the new iPad Pro, and the weirdest thing we've ever done on the internet. Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. All rights reserved. Used by permission. Joe Rogans Experience is a production of Native Creative Podcasts and is not affiliated with any of the or companies mentioned in this episode. If you like what you hear, please HIT SUBSCRIBE on Apple Podcasts or wherever else you get your stuff. Thanks for listening and share the pod with your friends! if you like the pod, please leave us a rating and review on iTunes and we'll give you 15% off your first month with code ROGAN15 at checkout. Thank you so much for your support, it means the world to us and we can keep bringing you high quality, high quality content. Peace, love, and positive vibes. -Joe Rogan and the Rogans. Timestamps: 1:00:00 - What are you listening to this episode? 3:30 - What do you think of it? 6:00- What would you do if it was your first time listening to the pod? 7:00 8:15 - What's your favorite thing about the show? 9: What's the worst thing you've ever listened to the most of the podcast? 11:30- What's something you've listened to more than once? 12:00 -- what would you want to do more? 15:30 -- what do you would never be able to figure out how to make it out of something else? 16:00-- What would someone else would never figure out? 17:40 -- would you be better than that? 18:20 - How do you do it better? 19:10 - What kind of thing you'd never figure it out in the next time? 21:40 - Is it better than you're going to do it with your brain or something new? 22:00 | How would you use your brain? 23: What would your brain be the average person? 25: What s your brain's biggest superpower? 26:30 | What's more important than a brainroom?

Transcript

Transcripts from "The Joe Rogan Experience" are sourced from the Knowledge Fight Interactive Search Tool. Explore them interactively here.
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
Topics generated with Qwen2.5-3B-Instruct.
Hosts, guests, and mentioned names generated with spaCy (en_core_web_sm), reconciled against Wikidata.
00:00:03.000 Okay.
00:00:03.000 It's on.
00:00:07.000 I can't hear you.
00:00:08.000 I can't hear me.
00:00:10.000 I can't hear me.
00:00:13.000 I hear me now, but it's not very loud.
00:00:15.000 You're using the wrong mic, too.
00:00:17.000 I am?
00:00:17.000 Okay, I won't use it.
00:00:19.000 How's that one?
00:00:21.000 It's not any better.
00:00:22.000 In fact, it's lower.
00:00:25.000 Hello.
00:00:26.000 It's actually your headphones.
00:00:27.000 How am I? How's mine?
00:00:30.000 Hello.
00:00:30.000 Hello.
00:00:31.000 It sounds great.
00:00:34.000 Yeah.
00:00:35.000 Hello, hello, hello, hello.
00:00:38.000 Should I add snowflakes right now?
00:00:40.000 Hello, hello, hello.
00:00:43.000 Hello, hello, hello.
00:00:45.000 There it is. 0.87
00:00:47.000 Yeah, these headphones suck, but if you turn it all the way up, it's okay. 0.96
00:00:50.000 Duncan, can you talk? 0.98
00:00:51.000 Yeah, hello.
00:00:52.000 Hello.
00:00:52.000 Oh, beautiful.
00:00:53.000 Hello?
00:00:53.000 We're good.
00:00:54.000 How do I drop the volume on mine? 1.00
00:00:56.000 You start sucking its cock. 1.00
00:00:57.000 How do you suck its cock? 1.00
00:00:58.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:00:59.000 Push forward towards me.
00:01:01.000 Hello, hello, hello.
00:01:02.000 Oh, that's better, I guess.
00:01:04.000 Still is loud. 0.99
00:01:05.000 Don't be gay. 1.00
00:01:08.000 You know you're on right now. 1.00
00:01:10.000 What?
00:01:10.000 Yeah.
00:01:11.000 How dare you?
00:01:11.000 I said that like 10 minutes ago.
00:01:13.000 No, you didn't.
00:01:14.000 Yeah, you were like, just tell me when, and I'm like, all right, ready, go.
00:01:16.000 Dude, you got to do a better job than that.
00:01:18.000 That's preposterous.
00:01:20.000 Preposterous!
00:01:20.000 We're all smoking weed.
00:01:21.000 We don't know what the fuck is going on. 1.00
00:01:22.000 How dare you, sir? 1.00
00:01:23.000 When I say it's gay, I spell the G-H-E-Y. No take backs. 1.00
00:01:28.000 The Joe Rogan Experience is brought to you.
00:01:31.000 We're about to have new sponsors.
00:01:33.000 We've got something really cool lined up.
00:01:35.000 Very excited in the video game world.
00:01:37.000 Very excited.
00:01:38.000 Yeah.
00:01:38.000 Can't tell you.
00:01:39.000 Preview, but another very cool sponsor that I'm super excited.
00:01:44.000 You know, one of the cool things about having this podcast is that you can kind of pick and choose who sponsors the show.
00:01:50.000 You know, we've had some offers from stuff that we really weren't kind of into.
00:01:53.000 And so we're like, how do we even do this?
00:01:55.000 This wouldn't even work. 0.98
00:01:56.000 It's not something we give a shit about. 0.98
00:01:58.000 But... 0.91
00:01:59.000 I like video games more than I want to like video games.
00:02:02.000 Yes.
00:02:02.000 Unfortunately.
00:02:03.000 Me too.
00:02:03.000 You too.
00:02:04.000 Yeah, we both had problems.
00:02:05.000 Story of my life.
00:02:06.000 So we're going to help contribute to a lot of people's addiction soon.
00:02:11.000 Really cool.
00:02:12.000 Please tell me it's Diablo. 1.00
00:02:13.000 I can't tell you shit. 0.99
00:02:15.000 A lot of them are iPad based though. 0.99
00:02:17.000 It's really cool. 0.96
00:02:18.000 The cool thing about the iPad is it's a gyroscope, or whatever the fuck you call it. 0.71
00:02:23.000 It detects motion. 0.92
00:02:24.000 It's gyroscope.
00:02:25.000 Is it gyroscope?
00:02:26.000 Like a sandwich?
00:02:28.000 And you can drive cars and do all kinds of things just by moving the pan around. 0.99
00:02:33.000 It's a fucking incredible device, really. 0.90
00:02:35.000 Have you seen those remote control planes that you can fly? 0.99
00:02:38.000 Yes.
00:02:38.000 Yes, I have.
00:02:40.000 Quadrocopters.
00:02:41.000 Our original sponsor, though, is the Fleshlight.
00:02:43.000 The first one.
00:02:43.000 The one back when we were snowflakes in the back of a Ustream page.
00:02:48.000 Back in the day.
00:02:49.000 Back in the day.
00:02:50.000 200 episodes ago, by the way, folks.
00:02:52.000 That's like 600 hours of listening to you.
00:02:54.000 It's preposterous.
00:02:55.000 I don't have that much to say. 1.00
00:02:56.000 People say you repeat shit. 1.00
00:02:58.000 I'm like, what the fuck do you think, man? 1.00
00:02:59.000 Come on, dude. 0.99
00:03:00.000 It's not like we're talking about the news. 0.99
00:03:02.000 We're talking about some pretty preposterous shit that I think about all the time. 0.99
00:03:05.000 And I repeat things to myself all the time. 0.99
00:03:07.000 I have a certain amount of memory.
00:03:08.000 It's all taken out by the Fleshlight, ladies and gentlemen. 0.95
00:03:10.000 If you go to JoeRogan.net and click on the link for the Fleshlight, enter in the code name ROGAN, you will get 15% off.
00:03:17.000 A very solid product.
00:03:18.000 A product that if I left you alone on an island for a million years with all the tools in the world, you would never be able to figure out.
00:03:24.000 You'd never be able to figure out how to make a Fleshlight. 0.71
00:03:26.000 Okay?
00:03:27.000 You wouldn't.
00:03:27.000 It'd be like out of salmon.
00:03:29.000 Yeah, the average person, you would never figure it out. 0.99
00:03:32.000 Yeah, and then you'd get those little bones in you and shit. 1.00
00:03:34.000 You'd wrap some bamboo-like leaves around a salmon. 0.98
00:03:38.000 You know what you would never figure out also?
00:03:39.000 Vitamins.
00:03:40.000 You would never figure out alpha brain.
00:03:42.000 You would never figure out new mood.
00:03:44.000 You would never figure out shroom tech sport or shroom tech immune.
00:03:48.000 All of these are what we call nootropics.
00:03:51.000 Except for shroom tech, that's a little bit of a nootropic, but also more of something that is...
00:03:56.000 Aids your immune system and your athletic performance.
00:04:00.000 There's all the explanations for all these various products.
00:04:03.000 It's available on Onnit.com.
00:04:05.000 That's O-N-N-I-T. Check out Alpha Brain. 0.99
00:04:08.000 That is the cognitive enhancing supplement.
00:04:11.000 New Mood is the 5-HTP and L-Tryptophan supplement.
00:04:15.000 Both of those things are great for boosting your own body's production of serotonin, which can actually put you in a better mood, believe it or not. 0.98
00:04:22.000 A lot of the way you feel is fucking chemical. 0.99
00:04:25.000 And of course a lot of it is that people are depressed because their life sucks. 0.99
00:04:28.000 A lot of us are wage slaves, let's be honest. 0.50
00:04:30.000 Sure.
00:04:31.000 That's not good.
00:04:31.000 And I don't think taking pills while that's going on just to try to trick yourself into thinking that everything's groovy, I'm not a really big believer in that either.
00:04:39.000 I'm much more of a proponent of, you know, get your fucking life in order and you'd be amazed at how much better you feel. 0.96
00:04:45.000 Yeah. 0.98
00:04:45.000 But then again, I've never had a problem with the balance of my mind and I know people have, so I don't ever say that, you know, you shouldn't take this, you shouldn't take that. 0.98
00:04:53.000 Everybody's fucking completely different.
00:04:55.000 It's preposterous to think that you know the inner workings of another man's mind. 0.99
00:04:59.000 That said, go to Onnit.com. 1.00
00:05:02.000 Check out all the shit we have for sale. 0.98
00:05:03.000 Everything is stuff that I have taken, I believe in. 0.99
00:05:06.000 I take on a regular basis.
00:05:07.000 It's a normal part of my diet.
00:05:10.000 I also eat very healthy.
00:05:12.000 I think you should too. 1.00
00:05:13.000 I eat like a fucking savage sometimes. 1.00
00:05:16.000 But I earn that for the most part. 1.00
00:05:18.000 I drink kale shakes every morning with fresh garlic and ginger and celery.
00:05:24.000 The more you take good things into your body, the more you can justify those Krispy Kreme donuts. 1.00
00:05:30.000 You're like, fuck it, I'm just going off right now. 0.99
00:05:32.000 And you always feel like shit afterwards, but I think rewards like that, your body can process that if you do it on occasion. 1.00
00:05:40.000 You know, if you do it once a week, you know, once a weekday where you just eat ice cream like a fucking slob, there's nothing wrong with that. 1.00
00:05:46.000 As long as the rest of the week, generally speaking, treat your body like you fucking love it and it's precious. 1.00
00:05:50.000 Because it is, bitches. 1.00
00:05:52.000 Onnit.com, all of our products, especially the first-time orders of 30 pills, if you order anything the first order, you get 100% of your money back guarantee if you don't like it. 0.97
00:06:02.000 And that doesn't mean 100% if you return the product.
00:06:05.000 It means 100% even if you eat it all.
00:06:07.000 And you go, you know what?
00:06:08.000 This isn't what I thought it was going to be.
00:06:10.000 What is it going to be?
00:06:11.000 It's going to make your brain feel sharper.
00:06:13.000 That's what AlphaBrain does. 0.98
00:06:14.000 It's not magic.
00:06:15.000 It's not nothing like new...
00:06:17.000 What is that movie?
00:06:19.000 What's his name?
00:06:20.000 Cooper?
00:06:21.000 Limitless? 0.99
00:06:21.000 It's not going to turn a moron into a brilliant person, but it will affect the way your brain moves. 0.99
00:06:27.000 I like it. 0.99
00:06:28.000 It makes me feel better.
00:06:29.000 It makes my brain work better.
00:06:30.000 Go to JoeRogan.net, click on the link for AlphaBrain, and use the code name ROGAN, and you will get 10% any and all orders, not just your first one. 0.97
00:06:38.000 All right, bitches. 1.00
00:06:39.000 It is podcast number 200. 0.99
00:06:42.000 Wow. 0.99
00:06:43.000 What a fucking trip. 1.00
00:06:44.000 Podcast by night. 1.00
00:06:46.000 All day.
00:06:56.000 Duncan.
00:06:56.000 There's some rustling going on right now.
00:06:58.000 I'm trying to find my Alphabrain.
00:07:00.000 If you were on a desert island, you would make Alphabrain out of mermaid. 1.00
00:07:03.000 A mermaid pussy. 1.00
00:07:06.000 Dried scrapings on the inside of a mermaid's pussy. 1.00
00:07:11.000 But they say the myth of the mermaid came from horny sailors trying to rationalize fucking seals. 1.00
00:07:17.000 Of course. 1.00
00:07:17.000 Fucking everything. 1.00
00:07:18.000 Manatees. 1.00
00:07:19.000 Manatees. 1.00
00:07:20.000 Yeah, they'd fuck a manatee because they were so horny. 1.00
00:07:22.000 And then they'd be like, no, it was a mermaid. 1.00
00:07:24.000 I swear. 1.00
00:07:25.000 What kind of a crazy asshole would commit back then to getting in a goddamn boat and going across the ocean for like four months? 1.00
00:07:31.000 A lot of times not even knowing if there was some shit on the other end. 1.00
00:07:34.000 Oh, yeah. 0.99
00:07:34.000 Thinking it might just stop. 0.99
00:07:36.000 Like, they thought the world just ended in their waterfall.
00:07:38.000 That's how bad Europe sucked in the 1400s.
00:07:41.000 That Columbus was like, yeah, maybe it does fall off. 1.00
00:07:44.000 Let's go, bitches! 1.00
00:07:45.000 Come on! 1.00
00:07:46.000 I'm going to live forever! 1.00
00:07:47.000 Look what the fuck we're eating! 1.00
00:07:48.000 Look at the streets we're living in! 1.00
00:07:49.000 People stink!
00:07:51.000 Yeah. 0.99
00:07:52.000 Yeah.
00:07:53.000 They were so upset with Europe. 1.00
00:07:55.000 They were like, fuck this. 1.00
00:07:57.000 We're just going to get in a boat and go to someplace. 0.99
00:07:59.000 I mean, we're not even looking at it really truly in perspectives because here's something that was really rare back then.
00:08:06.000 Any one-on-one accounts of someone who went there that liked it.
00:08:11.000 Forget about pictures.
00:08:12.000 They didn't have pictures back then.
00:08:14.000 Would you see some drawings?
00:08:15.000 No, you didn't even talk to one guy, probably, that went over there himself and had a wonderful and prosperous life and was telling you, listen, there's land to be had.
00:08:26.000 It's a great time.
00:08:27.000 Come on over.
00:08:29.000 What a great mass of movement of humans in such a short period of time.
00:08:35.000 The population of the North American continent.
00:08:38.000 And the fact that there was already a small group of nomadic people that were living here and they were just completely overwhelmed by the volume and the numbers.
00:08:48.000 I think there was a lot of them in North America.
00:08:51.000 I think there was a lot of Native Americans and indigenous people.
00:08:55.000 Well, when you say a lot, was there like millions?
00:08:58.000 Well, let me say even if there was a lot, it's nothing in comparison to what it is like right now.
00:09:04.000 There's never been population numbers like this anywhere, right?
00:09:08.000 Has there ever been a place where there was virtually no one and then immigrants all came in and then within a few hundred years there was 300 million of them?
00:09:16.000 Nope.
00:09:17.000 No, right?
00:09:18.000 Unless it was pre-flood before the last meteor impact or something like that.
00:09:24.000 I wonder how many Native Americans there were before they were killed and pushed back.
00:09:29.000 That must have been unbelievable for them.
00:09:32.000 The people that had lived their lives a certain way before the first white men came.
00:09:36.000 It must have been...
00:09:38.000 Must have been preposterous.
00:09:40.000 Probably generation after generation, they had followed the buffalo, and they had lived this very disciplined and spiritual, sort of in tune with nature and their environment, and they had very clear laws of morality and how you deal with nature and how you use up your resources.
00:09:57.000 Really fascinating.
00:09:58.000 You could tell that they had a deep reverence and a real understanding for the resources of the environment and not taking too much, not wasting anything.
00:10:07.000 Because you might not have it, man.
00:10:10.000 They were under a real concern about starving to death. 1.00
00:10:13.000 If they didn't get up in the morning and follow the buffalo, they lost those motherfuckers. 1.00
00:10:18.000 Sure. 1.00
00:10:18.000 If they have no food for a few weeks, your baby can die, man. 1.00
00:10:23.000 You might just fuck up and time the season's wrong and run into some place where you're stuck chasing these buffalo in a place that gets snowed in and there's no food. 0.98
00:10:32.000 Oh yeah, not to mention the fact that bears are eating you. 0.98
00:10:36.000 You can get eaten by a bear, for real.
00:10:38.000 That's a real worry for you. 0.99
00:10:39.000 Yeah, especially if you're in the woods and you fuck up and stumble upon its mother, a mother and the cubs. 1.00
00:10:45.000 Forget it. 1.00
00:10:46.000 They're fucking monsters. 1.00
00:10:48.000 I mean, think about how aggressive people are around their babies, you know? 1.00
00:10:51.000 You're dealing with a giant thousand pound... 1.00
00:10:55.000 It's like a fucking dog, essentially. 1.00
00:10:57.000 It's like a big, mean dog. 1.00
00:10:59.000 It's a dog with thick skin. 1.00
00:11:00.000 Those things have such thick fucking skin. 1.00
00:11:02.000 They bite themselves. 1.00
00:11:04.000 They don't even hurt themselves.
00:11:05.000 Yeah.
00:11:06.000 You ever seen them go to war with each other?
00:11:07.000 Oh, yeah. 0.79
00:11:08.000 Yeah, they're taking, you know, chunks of hairs are flying and shit like that, and they're fine. 0.77
00:11:11.000 They're fine. 0.98
00:11:11.000 Just bit the fuck out of each other. 0.98
00:11:13.000 Bit each other, clawed each other, scratched. 0.99
00:11:15.000 They literally would have dismembered our weak and gelatinous-like bodies.
00:11:20.000 In a second. 0.83
00:11:21.000 Just torn them apart like they're nothing. 1.00
00:11:23.000 Just crunched through your skull. 0.97
00:11:25.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:11:26.000 What a shit life it must have been back then. 1.00
00:11:28.000 Bad life, man. 1.00
00:11:29.000 I mean, the American Indians, on one hand, you can say there was a lot of satisfaction in that life, and they probably were happier than the majority of people today.
00:11:39.000 I think that's really arguable. 1.00
00:11:41.000 But that's just the majority of people there are weak-ass bitches. 1.00
00:11:44.000 It's not that today isn't way more awesome. 0.99
00:11:46.000 And people get confused in that sometimes.
00:11:48.000 People go, you know what?
00:11:49.000 People were happier back when they couldn't read.
00:11:51.000 Did you know that?
00:11:52.000 People were happier.
00:11:53.000 People are happy back when they just had grunts and everybody knew what they had to do.
00:11:57.000 That doesn't mean back then it doesn't suck and today isn't awesome.
00:12:00.000 It just means that today is so uber complex that a lot of people just don't even try.
00:12:06.000 They just go, I can't do it!
00:12:08.000 And they just throw it down on the ground and they run away.
00:12:10.000 Because, yeah, there's no mechanism to really take care of that.
00:12:13.000 Like, back then, if you threw yourself on the ground, you're like, I'm not doing this! 1.00
00:12:17.000 A fucking bear will eat you. 1.00
00:12:19.000 A bobcat would eat you. 1.00
00:12:20.000 Your enemies would kill you. 1.00
00:12:22.000 You'd starve to death.
00:12:23.000 Now you can really get a lot of, like, weird, like, weepy.
00:12:27.000 You can be really weepy and scared with very little effect.
00:12:30.000 But the effect is like...
00:12:32.000 But you still get an effect.
00:12:35.000 I mean, the effect is that...
00:12:36.000 Well, sure, you never progress, but you don't have to worry about getting eaten outside your house.
00:12:39.000 You're not going to get eaten.
00:12:40.000 Yeah.
00:12:41.000 The reason why people develop character, the reason why people develop consequences, because there are consequences for not having those things.
00:12:49.000 Right.
00:12:50.000 There's consequences for not having character.
00:12:51.000 There's confidence. 0.99
00:12:52.000 There's consequences for not having confidence, for not having control over your environment, for not being a fucking man. 0.99
00:12:57.000 There are consequences. 0.99
00:12:58.000 But what are they really?
00:13:00.000 They're pretty meager. 1.00
00:13:01.000 Some other guy fucks your girlfriend. 1.00
00:13:02.000 She leaves you for someone who's more powerful. 0.98
00:13:05.000 You lose your metal box and you have to get an older metal box that someone has already lived in.
00:13:10.000 You know, what is it? 0.73
00:13:12.000 They take your car away, you get a new car, you have to move to a shitty apartment. 0.86
00:13:15.000 Well, it's...
00:13:15.000 What is really happening here?
00:13:17.000 The cumulative effect of everything that you're saying means that you're living in hell. 1.00
00:13:22.000 Well, you're a bitch, is what it's... 1.00
00:13:23.000 It's pointing out that you're a bitch. 1.00
00:13:24.000 But my point is, even with the shittier new car, you know, the less cool car, the older car, in the shitty apartment, you're still living a billion times better than anybody did when they were, you know, Lewis and Clark were... 1.00
00:13:38.000 Hitchhiking their way across the fucking country walking. 0.98
00:13:41.000 No. 1.00
00:13:42.000 Horses and shit. 1.00
00:13:43.000 They didn't know what the fuck was going on. 1.00
00:13:45.000 That was a ridiculous thing to do. 0.99
00:13:46.000 You're living pretty much everyone is living a life that's very similar to like Roman nobility. 0.92
00:13:53.000 Yes.
00:13:53.000 Like you've got running water.
00:13:54.000 You can just go and turn the water off.
00:13:56.000 And take a hot shower.
00:13:58.000 Yeah, it heats it up.
00:13:59.000 That's a brand new thing.
00:14:00.000 You got a microwave, you can cook your food in like two minutes.
00:14:03.000 Well, have you seen those new, there's new water heaters where it's a constant flow of hot water.
00:14:08.000 It heats it instantly and you don't have to have like giant tanks of water.
00:14:13.000 The water goes through it and instantly heats it up.
00:14:15.000 So you could take a shower for an hour and a half and you'll never run out of hot water.
00:14:20.000 Yeah, so you're living in paradise.
00:14:22.000 You're not living back in the day when you wanted to kill fleas on your clothes.
00:14:27.000 You would put it over the toilets.
00:14:29.000 Did you know about that in the castles?
00:14:31.000 In the castles, if you got...
00:14:35.000 So everything was flea infested back then.
00:14:37.000 Everything was flea infested. 0.98
00:14:38.000 There's fleas fucking everywhere. 0.99
00:14:39.000 No way to clean them. 1.00
00:14:41.000 No poison for the fleas.
00:14:42.000 So everything's swarming with fleas.
00:14:44.000 And so your clothes would get filled with fleas.
00:14:46.000 And to get rid of the fleas in a castle, they would put the clothes over the shaft where the sewer is because the ammonia would rise up through the clothes and kill the fleas in the clothes.
00:14:58.000 Oh my god.
00:14:59.000 So that's the world you're living in. 1.00
00:15:00.000 You're washing your clothes in shit fumes. 1.00
00:15:03.000 Think about that, right? 1.00
00:15:05.000 So they had to take those clothes and they had to all walk around smelling like shit fumes. 0.99
00:15:09.000 But that's better than the fleas, man. 0.99
00:15:11.000 That's better than the fleas. 0.95
00:15:12.000 I'd rather smell like old diarrhea.
00:15:14.000 Who was the first one to figure that out? 1.00
00:15:15.000 It's like, there's gotta be a way to get these fucking things off me! 1.00
00:15:19.000 Let's try lighting myself on fire. 1.00
00:15:20.000 Nope, that doesn't work. 0.98
00:15:21.000 That just kills me.
00:15:22.000 Let's try running through the frozen river.
00:15:25.000 Nope, now hypothermia. 1.00
00:15:27.000 Shit. 1.00
00:15:27.000 Shit! 1.00
00:15:28.000 What about shit? 1.00
00:15:29.000 Shit fumes! 1.00
00:15:29.000 Nobody likes shit. 1.00
00:15:30.000 I run away from shit. 1.00
00:15:32.000 Let's play chicken with shit smell. 1.00
00:15:34.000 Let's see who quits first. 1.00
00:15:35.000 Who taps first?
00:15:36.000 The human being?
00:15:37.000 You could get burned at the stake if you took a shower more than twice a year.
00:15:40.000 If you were taking three or four showers a year, people might get suspicious.
00:15:45.000 You sure take a lot of showers.
00:15:46.000 Well, they also be like, why are you so clean?
00:15:48.000 Why do you smell that? 0.80
00:15:50.000 Are you a witch? 0.99
00:15:50.000 Only witches smell good. 0.99
00:15:52.000 Yeah, when you like take a warm shower and then you climb into some like really soft cotton clothes, you're feeling better than most humans have ever felt in their whole life.
00:16:02.000 That's like a deeper sense of pleasure.
00:16:05.000 You plop down in your soft and comfortable bed and for, you know, for a real reason, you're not scared of getting eaten by anything.
00:16:13.000 Nope.
00:16:14.000 You're not scared of, you know, Monsters or tribes coming into your town and raiding your village.
00:16:19.000 Your disease is a famine.
00:16:21.000 Yeah. 0.99
00:16:22.000 Oh, yeah, yeah.
00:16:22.000 You're just chilling.
00:16:23.000 Maybe sometimes you get colds.
00:16:25.000 And then, you know, you get a Z-Pack.
00:16:27.000 Yeah. 0.98
00:16:28.000 Hey, you're fucking fine. 0.86
00:16:29.000 Yeah. 0.96
00:16:29.000 You know, you sitting in front of a television with Avatar playing, say. 0.96
00:16:34.000 And you're sitting propped up on your pillows.
00:16:36.000 And you're wearing clean clothes.
00:16:38.000 You have it better than anyone who's ever lived ever by a long shot.
00:16:43.000 Could you imagine Lewis and Clark... 1.00
00:16:45.000 If you could show those motherfuckers, the average 23-year-old dude who lives in some shitty apartment, who's propped up on his bed, watching TV in his bedroom while his roommate's fucking loud in the other room with a blender. 1.00
00:16:55.000 Like, that guy's living in paradise! 1.00
00:16:58.000 He's like, this place is a shithole. 0.99
00:16:59.000 I saw another mouse. 0.99
00:17:00.000 You saw one mouse?
00:17:01.000 That's it?
00:17:02.000 They're not everywhere, infesting all your clothes and eating your food and giving everyone horrible diseases.
00:17:08.000 It's killing everyone old. 1.00
00:17:11.000 Everyone with a weak immune system is just fucking dead. 0.99
00:17:14.000 There's nowhere to put the body, so they stack them in the streets. 0.99
00:17:17.000 Then the rats get infested with it, and then the rats start spreading it all over town.
00:17:21.000 And then you have the black plague.
00:17:22.000 Oh, you saw a mouse?
00:17:24.000 Oh, poor little baby, you're going to be okay sharing the world with a mouse?
00:17:28.000 And also, don't forget the fact that if you were pregnant... 1.00
00:17:31.000 There's a pretty good chance you're gonna die. 0.82
00:17:33.000 Yeah, most likely. 1.00
00:17:34.000 You're gonna die when that thing comes out of your pussy. 1.00
00:17:37.000 Like, it's just gonna split you in half and there's no antibiotics, and the baby's probably gonna die too. 1.00
00:17:42.000 Well, during Rome, the infant mortality rate was 50%.
00:17:46.000 50%.
00:17:47.000 Half the babies died.
00:17:49.000 And, you know, that's one of the things when you read about, like, crazy stories of the Bible.
00:17:53.000 We've talked about this before, about how everything was so violent and so crazy.
00:17:57.000 And people say, well, this is really a book of God and a book of religion.
00:18:01.000 Why would it have such gratuitous violence?
00:18:03.000 Why would violence be condoned?
00:18:05.000 I don't even think we could wrap our heads around how hard life was back when they wrote the Bible.
00:18:13.000 And even the New Testament, even with Constantine and the bishops when they reworked the New Testament, that's still ridiculously hard.
00:18:25.000 It's a terrible life back then.
00:18:31.000 They probably needed religion back then. 0.90
00:18:33.000 I mean, think about how easy life is today, and there's so many people that need a safety net.
00:18:38.000 So many people that are terrified.
00:18:39.000 So many people that want sanity to this, and they seek that sanity in really ridiculous mythology.
00:18:46.000 But back then, it was imperative.
00:18:48.000 You had to have it. 0.94
00:18:50.000 I think Patton Oswalt's got some brilliant joke about this where he talks about how religion was invented to trick dumb people that there's a cake in the sky so that they stop, like, attacking everyone essentially. 0.98
00:19:03.000 It's just really smart people recognize that there's really dumb people that have no qualms in killing and doing ridiculous things and so they tell them this fib to make them behave. 0.97
00:19:13.000 I can't remember. 0.97
00:19:14.000 The joke's awesome.
00:19:15.000 Look it up.
00:19:15.000 Sorry.
00:19:15.000 It could be possible, but I've always thought that what, I mean, I always joke around about it being for dumb people, but I think there's a pull towards the idea of something other than us.
00:19:26.000 And I think we always have had that.
00:19:28.000 I don't think we're willing to believe that we're the end of the evolutionary food chain or the spiritual food chain. 0.54
00:19:33.000 It seems silly.
00:19:34.000 It seems much more likely like there's something above us we just can't even communicate with it.
00:19:39.000 The same way ants can't tell you stories, we're not able to communicate with something that's the next level of existence.
00:19:47.000 Well, yeah, especially when we're so confused by our environment and we're sad and distracted.
00:19:54.000 I mean, the thing that you were talking about initially is something, I read this, the Dalai Lama was in Beverly Hills talking to some rich people in their house doing a home visit, and he said to them, you know, here we are, you're in Beverly Hills, you have your mansion and all your things, but why are your medicine cabinets Filled with antidepressants and Valium and anti-anxiety medication.
00:20:20.000 Even with all this stuff, you're still experiencing mental turbulence to the point where you're depressed.
00:20:26.000 This is the, if people are still caught up in that place, it's going to be very difficult for them to To transcend it to a point where you could communicate with some higher intelligence.
00:20:37.000 How are you going to do that when you're caught up in some ridiculous perception of the world where you're addicted and attached to material things, where you're stuck always wanting some new thing, which just makes you perpetually insane, you know?
00:20:52.000 Well, that's for a lot of people that becomes their focus.
00:20:55.000 You know, I think the human beings, you know, you can look at the shallowness of the materialism and you can say, God, it's so shallow. 0.98
00:21:02.000 God, it's so silly. 0.97
00:21:04.000 Yes, yes and yes. 0.93
00:21:05.000 But what is it really?
00:21:06.000 What's going on really?
00:21:07.000 Well, human beings are constantly trying to achieve things.
00:21:10.000 I mean, that's the point of staying alive.
00:21:12.000 The point of staying alive is you have to achieve success out there while you're hunting, success while you're fishing.
00:21:17.000 There's a reason why hunting and fishing is so satisfying.
00:21:20.000 I haven't been hunting.
00:21:21.000 I plan on going very soon.
00:21:22.000 But I'm going to go with Steve Rinella, the guy from that meat-eater show.
00:21:26.000 We're working it out.
00:21:27.000 Name-dropper. 0.99
00:21:28.000 I name-dropped the fuck out of him. 0.98
00:21:30.000 I don't even know who that is. 0.98
00:21:31.000 Yeah.
00:21:32.000 Meat-eating show.
00:21:33.000 We're going to hunt bears in Alaska.
00:21:35.000 Wow. 1.00
00:21:36.000 Yeah, what the fuck? 0.99
00:21:37.000 Anyway, how did I get onto that? 0.99
00:21:41.000 I got scared.
00:21:42.000 I just got scared.
00:21:42.000 What did you get scared of?
00:21:43.000 Bears in Alaska.
00:21:44.000 What were we talking about just before that?
00:21:46.000 Well, we're talking about materialism.
00:21:48.000 Oh, that's right.
00:21:50.000 The reason why it's so satisfying hunting and fishing is because those tasks are a prerequisite for staying alive for the longest time.
00:22:02.000 For the longest time, the way we stayed alive is we had to go out and gather our food.
00:22:05.000 It feels good to pick food.
00:22:07.000 Like if you find some blueberries somewhere and you pick them, there's like this weird joy that comes with finding a meal outside.
00:22:14.000 That is a natural reward system that's put in place to ensure our survival.
00:22:19.000 Now, when there are no hunting and gathering tasks to get, when it's so easy to just walk to the store and get meat, the choicest meat, and it takes literally seconds.
00:22:29.000 Can I have that big food?
00:22:31.000 Perfectly aged hunk of flesh that has no diseases on it, ready to cook right away.
00:22:37.000 And, you know, can I have this milk that's been homogenized and pasteurized and has no chance of killing me?
00:22:43.000 And it can sit on the shelf for weeks.
00:22:44.000 And can I have this cheese that's also the same?
00:22:46.000 It's very resistant to mold.
00:22:48.000 And, oh, look at this. 0.98
00:22:49.000 Fresh vegetables that are genetically modified and you can grow tomatoes in the middle of the fucking winter outside. 0.94
00:22:54.000 You know, all of it is incredible. 0.94
00:22:58.000 But it's so easy and so accessible that there's no reward.
00:23:02.000 You're not getting that reward.
00:23:03.000 So people are just...
00:23:04.000 They're being gluttonous. 0.69
00:23:06.000 Unlike the Native Americans who... 1.00
00:23:08.000 The flesh was so important to them.
00:23:10.000 The kill was so important to them.
00:23:11.000 everything was so sacred they would use every single part of the animal to honor that animal and they wanted to keep this relationship with the buffaloes and with the deer and all the animals that they needed to sustain them for us that system is hijacked it's hijacked by sports cars it's hijacked by getting ahead you know getting a house in the Hamptons yeah it's hijacked by having a boat sure it's hijacked by all the things that you can reward yourself for For women, maybe it's jewelry or shoes.
00:23:39.000 Or when it's shoes, a lot of women, they become obsessed with fucking handbags and shit. 1.00
00:23:44.000 I was reading about this woman who was some super billionaire's daughter. 1.00
00:23:50.000 And he's, you know, I guess he's like super ridiculously wealthy.
00:23:55.000 She has a million dollar bathtub that's made out of crystal. 0.72
00:23:59.000 Like she has a bathtub that is a million dollars and they imported it from Mexico. 0.94
00:24:04.000 It's her bathtub! 0.93
00:24:05.000 A million dollars!
00:24:06.000 That's like an awesome house!
00:24:08.000 A million dollars!
00:24:10.000 She has this incredible supply of handbags, just millions of dollars worth of handbags. 0.98
00:24:15.000 Millions of dollars worth of shoes.
00:24:17.000 Literally millions of dollars worth of shoes.
00:24:19.000 You know, there's people that start, they get crazy and start buying high-end handmade watches that are a million dollars. 0.99
00:24:26.000 And they look like a fucking Timex! 0.99
00:24:28.000 I mean, I'm exaggerating. 0.99
00:24:30.000 But they don't look...
00:24:30.000 This watch is...
00:24:31.000 It's called a TW Steel.
00:24:33.000 It's a nice watch.
00:24:35.000 It's like $150 on Amazon.com or something like that.
00:24:38.000 For me, it's perfect.
00:24:39.000 It's cool looking.
00:24:40.000 I like it.
00:24:41.000 It's not flashy.
00:24:42.000 It's not like I'm trying to stick it in your face.
00:24:44.000 But I like the way a good machine looks.
00:24:48.000 Something that's designed well.
00:24:49.000 And that's what that looks like.
00:24:50.000 But some people will get crazy and they'll take it to, I want the finest watch constructed in the most difficult manner, like in a bottle.
00:24:59.000 I want them to make the watch in a bottle with tweezers. 0.98
00:25:03.000 And I want it to be all magnetized and all of it's titanium and hand carved and get the fuck out of here. 0.91
00:25:09.000 Is it made in the bottle so no dust gets in it? 0.96
00:25:11.000 Is that the reason for that?
00:25:12.000 No, I just made the bottle part up.
00:25:14.000 It's like making a ship in the bottle. 1.00
00:25:15.000 Why the fuck would you make a ship in the bottle? 1.00
00:25:16.000 Right. 1.00
00:25:16.000 It's stupid. 1.00
00:25:17.000 Who cares? 1.00
00:25:18.000 It's harder for you? 1.00
00:25:19.000 Well, making a regular fucking chip is like whatever. 0.99
00:25:24.000 I'm not good. 0.99
00:25:25.000 It's a mystery. 1.00
00:25:26.000 I'd say make something better that's right in front of you, stupid. 1.00
00:25:29.000 Why are you making things inside bottles? 1.00
00:25:31.000 It's a challenge.
00:25:32.000 It's like Tetris back in the old days.
00:25:34.000 It's outrageous.
00:25:34.000 It's preposterous.
00:25:35.000 One thing that you're leaving out of the difference between primitive and modern people's living situation, you also have to take into account their mental state.
00:25:45.000 The Native Americans, they believed in the great spirit.
00:25:49.000 They didn't know too much about the universe in the way that we know it.
00:25:53.000 They had this faith in a kind of ancient religion that gave them a lot of comfort. 0.81
00:26:00.000 The modern guy who's buying all the ham and the meat and the fucking ship watches and bottles and the crazy woman buying the purses, it gets even more absurd because their belief in the universe is either a fundamentalist Christian or a religious belief that's always haunted by science. 0.93
00:26:18.000 The whole world is telling them, you know what? 0.97
00:26:20.000 A lot of that stuff isn't true.
00:26:22.000 A lot of that stuff didn't really happen.
00:26:25.000 The people, the way they're describing that, nobody flew up into the air.
00:26:28.000 No guy flew up into the air.
00:26:29.000 Came back to life after he got nailed to a cross.
00:26:32.000 That's never happened.
00:26:33.000 Doesn't happen. 0.99
00:26:34.000 So their fucking main, the tenets of their religion, are always getting attacked on all sides by science. 0.99
00:26:39.000 And if you're not religious, If you're an atheist, then it gets even more weird. 1.00
00:26:44.000 You're just some super smart primate that's stuck on a ball. 1.00
00:26:49.000 You're just some tiny thinking little primate bug thing that the force of gravity is keeping stuck to the ground On a planet spinning around, like your joke, spinning around a ball of fucking fire. 0.99
00:27:02.000 So it's like, if you don't really believe in God, then you're in this super absurd situation, which is it's like, now I have infinite amount of food and whatever I want, but I'm just some absurd little speck of something. 0.99
00:27:14.000 You don't have to believe.
00:27:14.000 I mean, not all atheists think that, by the way, but it is an absurd place to get to.
00:27:19.000 I maintain that the reality of living on a planet, in orbit, around a star, in a galaxy, in a universe, is so preposterous and bizarre and strange that it doesn't matter if you call it, you know, big thunder god in the sky.
00:27:34.000 It doesn't matter if you're, you know, you have some mythology attached to it.
00:27:40.000 The reality is your perceptions, your own perceptions of it are so abstract.
00:27:45.000 Yep.
00:27:45.000 There's not something...
00:27:47.000 You'd have to fucking bend space. 0.95
00:27:50.000 You'd have to go to a planet or at least orbit the moon or something. 1.00
00:27:54.000 Just really wrap your fucking head around the fact that there's some other shit out there. 0.99
00:27:59.000 It just seems like you're telling me it, but it's abstract. 1.00
00:28:04.000 I know the numbers.
00:28:05.000 Hundreds of billions of galaxies.
00:28:07.000 14 billion.
00:28:07.000 I know the numbers.
00:28:08.000 They're abstract.
00:28:09.000 It sounds to me...
00:28:10.000 It doesn't sound real.
00:28:12.000 I think religion sounds equally abstract.
00:28:16.000 You can believe in...
00:28:19.000 And I'm not comparing science to religion.
00:28:21.000 Science has been measured and it makes sense.
00:28:24.000 Sure. 0.99
00:28:24.000 Most of religion is silly, but... 0.99
00:28:27.000 I think to us, I'm just saying, I think to us, the reality of our situation is so preposterous that it's almost like religion had to be put in place to describe it. 0.99
00:28:40.000 It really makes you wonder how quickly people became conscious because all this stuff was shit we had to deal with really early on. 0.90
00:28:48.000 You know, like, where are we? 0.91
00:28:50.000 What's going on?
00:28:50.000 Where is this from?
00:28:51.000 And then, you know, well, the thunder god came from the sky. 0.97
00:28:54.000 And, like, we had to, like, really early on had to come up with some fucking answers for how this came about. 0.76
00:29:00.000 That's one of the cool things about Buddhism is that it doesn't have, like, a thunder... 0.95
00:29:05.000 It doesn't talk about a thunder god or something.
00:29:06.000 something.
00:29:06.000 It's more like someone recognizing that is whatever these absurd beings are on this planet, we all kind of share the same similar problems.
00:29:16.000 We're all sharing the same similar problems. 0.98
00:29:19.000 And then an analysis of those problems created like the system of Buddhism, which is a way Overcome the thing that's trying to make you buy a shitload of purses and cars, and the thing that's making you miserable while you're laying in your fucking nice bed in your apartment. 0.98
00:29:33.000 It's acknowledging that if you're fucking hunting bears as a Native American, or if you're lying in your fucking bed as a modern pepperoni stuffed rich man, you both have the same problem, which is you're going to die, you're going to get old, You're going to get disease. 0.98
00:29:52.000 You're going to get old age, disease, and death. 0.99
00:29:55.000 This is an inevitability that we all share and that all humans have shared since the beginning of time.
00:30:00.000 You can't escape it.
00:30:01.000 So the cool thing about Buddhism is it's not like, if you pray to the mighty Loon Loon, you'll get a blessing.
00:30:07.000 It's like, all right.
00:30:09.000 Let's sober up.
00:30:10.000 Can we calm down? 0.99
00:30:11.000 Can we overcome all the fucking distractions that are surrounding us? 0.98
00:30:16.000 Can we focus our will to a point where we're no longer being buffeted by circumstances like all of our ancestors have? 0.98
00:30:24.000 And that's enlightenment, man. 0.99
00:30:26.000 Wake up and you overcome the fucking... 0.99
00:30:28.000 Sort of. 0.99
00:30:29.000 You know, I mean, is it real enlightenment?
00:30:30.000 No, it's...
00:30:31.000 You're sort of managing your situation.
00:30:35.000 You're sort of, you know, dealing realistically with...
00:30:38.000 Right.
00:30:38.000 But what does that even mean?
00:30:40.000 I mean, the inevitable.
00:30:41.000 What is the inevitable?
00:30:42.000 What is the death?
00:30:42.000 You know, you're just...
00:30:43.000 All you know is that this ends.
00:30:45.000 You don't even know what takes place next, if anything.
00:30:48.000 Nothing.
00:30:48.000 You know nothing.
00:30:49.000 And for a lot of people, just that, I think, was too much.
00:30:53.000 And people also have that natural primate need to be right, the need to follow the alpha, need to have someone who seems to be the leader of the gang.
00:31:02.000 Sure.
00:31:03.000 And it's almost impossible to do that unless you've got a religion rocking. 0.99
00:31:07.000 It's really hard.
00:31:08.000 It's really hard unless you have not just a guy, but a guy who appeals to the gods.
00:31:15.000 Yeah, an intermediary.
00:31:16.000 Someone who's like God's manager. 0.99
00:31:19.000 Yeah, it's way easier to run shit because you're way closer to God. 0.98
00:31:23.000 It's a funny thing. 0.99
00:31:23.000 I mean, it's the greatest trick ever. 0.99
00:31:25.000 If you trick a bunch of people to think that you're the one who can communicate with God, like, yeah, I represent...
00:31:30.000 That's what everybody does, right?
00:31:30.000 I represent God.
00:31:32.000 Has every cult not pulled that move?
00:31:34.000 I mean, that's like...
00:31:35.000 Everyone. 1.00
00:31:35.000 People want to believe shit, man. 1.00
00:31:37.000 There's a lot of people that want to believe shit. 1.00
00:31:39.000 You can start a cult, for real. 1.00
00:31:40.000 Me?
00:31:40.000 Yeah, easily.
00:31:41.000 Oh no, I'd never start a cult.
00:31:42.000 Of course you would never start a cult, but you could start a cult. 0.98
00:31:46.000 If you wanted to, if you were a crazy person, you'd be really good at it. 0.90
00:31:50.000 You think so? 0.97
00:31:51.000 Oh, yeah.
00:31:51.000 That's the nicest thing you ever said to me.
00:31:53.000 You look like Manson, kind of.
00:31:54.000 You could totally do it.
00:31:55.000 You're a charismatic guy.
00:31:56.000 You're very intelligent.
00:31:57.000 You can spin a yarn.
00:31:59.000 All the prerequisites for someone being a cult leader.
00:32:03.000 Right.
00:32:03.000 Yeah.
00:32:03.000 You know, I think that it would be much more fun to just be part of what's actually happening on the planet.
00:32:10.000 Yeah.
00:32:11.000 To be part of the...
00:32:11.000 Yeah, that's a massive distraction to being a cult.
00:32:14.000 It's a lot of work.
00:32:16.000 Life itself is way more confusing.
00:32:17.000 Think of the work running a cult, man. 0.99
00:32:19.000 That's a lot of fucking organization. 1.00
00:32:21.000 Yeah, no shit. 1.00
00:32:22.000 Ugh, it would be terrible. 1.00
00:32:24.000 A lot of sex, I bet, though. 1.00
00:32:25.000 Yeah, but it's gross sex. 1.00
00:32:27.000 Yeah, but it's all trick sex. 1.00
00:32:28.000 Ugh. 0.98
00:32:28.000 Let me tell you something. 0.98
00:32:29.000 The only sex you want in life, period, unless you just got to get a hooker and you just got to get your dick sucked, period. 1.00
00:32:36.000 You're just a guy who just never gets laid and you got to do what you got to do. 1.00
00:32:39.000 Other than that, what you really want, ideally, is sex with people who want to have sex with you. 0.99
00:32:44.000 Yes. 0.99
00:32:45.000 You don't want that trick sex. 1.00
00:32:46.000 No. 0.99
00:32:47.000 You know that I'm the messiah trick sex? 0.98
00:32:49.000 Some people are going to get mad at you, man. 0.95
00:32:50.000 Somewhere along the line, someone's going to get mad at you.
00:32:52.000 Oh, sure.
00:32:52.000 Yeah.
00:32:53.000 You should only have sex with people that genuinely want to have sex with you. 1.00
00:32:56.000 Have you ever had payment sex? 0.99
00:32:57.000 Like where you did something and they felt like they had to have sex with you just as a payment? 0.97
00:33:02.000 No. 0.96
00:33:03.000 That was the worst.
00:33:06.000 I'll change the story a little bit. 0.99
00:33:08.000 It's a girl that wanted me to do some stuff for her and so I did it for her just thinking like I thought she was just cute but then right when it was done she's just like okay and she comes into the next room and just takes off her clothes and I'm like oh fuck yeah and I fuck her and then Then she left, and then later she wanted to do some more stuff, and so I did it, and she goes, look, I'm on my period right now. 0.96
00:33:31.000 After I was done with it, she goes, I'm on my period right now, but can I get you next time? 0.98
00:33:34.000 And I'm like, okay.
00:33:37.000 Wow.
00:33:37.000 Someone needs to tell her about money.
00:33:40.000 Yeah, can I get you next time?
00:33:42.000 So, wow.
00:33:44.000 You know, we should have had this conversation off the air. 0.99
00:33:46.000 I want to know who the fuck this is. 0.99
00:33:48.000 Yeah. 0.99
00:33:48.000 Can you give me a hint? 0.99
00:33:49.000 No, you wouldn't know.
00:33:50.000 I would have to explain it more.
00:33:51.000 Oh, okay.
00:33:52.000 You'd be like, eventually you'd be like, oh, yeah, yeah.
00:33:54.000 Is this a long time ago this happened, or?
00:33:56.000 Yeah, it's like seven years ago.
00:33:58.000 Wow, that's funny.
00:33:59.000 Crazy.
00:33:59.000 No, I've never had that happen before.
00:34:01.000 I've never had that happen.
00:34:02.000 But I have lent money in the past to people I've dated.
00:34:05.000 Yeah.
00:34:06.000 But it's never really a loan.
00:34:07.000 They mostly hate doing that, though, I've noticed.
00:34:10.000 People hate that.
00:34:10.000 People hate that, man.
00:34:11.000 People hate when they're stuck.
00:34:13.000 They hate when they have no one to turn to. 0.91
00:34:15.000 All of a sudden, your bills are piling up and your fucking transmission breaks and you literally can't get to work. 0.69
00:34:21.000 That happens to people. 0.97
00:34:22.000 Yeah, it's the worst.
00:34:23.000 It's super normal.
00:34:24.000 It happens all the time. 1.00
00:34:25.000 It sucks. 0.98
00:34:26.000 People hate to be in a position. 0.99
00:34:27.000 Most people do. 1.00
00:34:29.000 The people who like to be in a position to ask people for money all the time, those are a pain in the ass. 0.99
00:34:35.000 Especially dudes who just always seem to be in a spot. 0.99
00:34:39.000 Always.
00:34:40.000 You never can get out of this?
00:34:42.000 Always in a bind.
00:34:43.000 Why are you spending so much on this house?
00:34:46.000 Why is this car so much?
00:34:47.000 You're broken.
00:34:48.000 You're always needing money.
00:34:49.000 Dude, you gotta manage your situation.
00:34:51.000 If you want better things in life, you gotta make more money, man.
00:34:55.000 Pretend you have more money now.
00:34:56.000 A lot of it is credit cards.
00:34:58.000 But how do you get into credit?
00:34:59.000 No one's forcing you to get into credit cards.
00:35:00.000 I'll tell you how you get into credit cards. 0.99
00:35:03.000 You're a broke person being a waiter and you're making shit no money but you want a new TV. You see all your friends have TVs. 0.99
00:35:10.000 That's what we just talked about.
00:35:11.000 But what sucks is that it shouldn't be fair for credit card companies to charge what they're doing now up to 30% or something like that.
00:35:20.000 That's criminal.
00:35:21.000 That should be against the law.
00:35:23.000 It's totally criminal.
00:35:24.000 And most people pay the minimum, and you'll pay that off for the rest of your life.
00:35:27.000 And you'll just keep paying that.
00:35:28.000 And you'll have paid so much more money than you spent.
00:35:31.000 It's criminal.
00:35:32.000 But dude, a lot of people are in a trance, man. 0.99
00:35:34.000 A lot of people are in a serious fucking trance. 0.99
00:35:38.000 Home. Home. Home. Home. Home. Home. 0.99
00:35:56.000 Home. Home. Home. Home. Home. Home. Home. Home. Home.
00:36:20.000 Home. Home. Home. Home. Home.
00:36:20.000 And just like that, we change the environment of the room.
00:36:25.000 Yeah, that's cool.
00:36:27.000 Change the environment of the show, ladies and gentlemen, just like that.
00:36:30.000 Amazing.
00:36:31.000 We brought you down freak lane.
00:36:33.000 Freak lane.
00:36:34.000 Took you down freak lane.
00:36:36.000 We do a podcast at Deskwad Club Bones Up with Brendan Walsh, and they do that every episode where they do things like that.
00:36:42.000 They sit there for five minutes making crazy noises for no reason at all out of nowhere. 0.99
00:36:47.000 I bet that would be a funny podcast because Brendan Walsh is a funny motherfucker. 0.99
00:36:51.000 He's a funny guy. 0.96
00:36:51.000 By the way, there's a podcast, a whole network of them called Deskwad that we're also involved in. 0.96
00:36:56.000 Brian runs all of them, and they're all on iTunes and all for free.
00:36:59.000 And they include the Ice House Chronicles, which I think is one of the best podcasts we do.
00:37:04.000 And what the Ice House Chronicles is, we're actually going to do one after I do this podcast with Duncan. 0.97
00:37:08.000 And what it is, is while the show is going on at the Ice House, we also come over here and we fuck around and talk shit and have a podcast. 0.92
00:37:15.000 It's great. 0.98
00:37:15.000 It's a lot of fun. 0.98
00:37:16.000 And it's a real green room.
00:37:17.000 Like, it's an actual green room of the show. 0.99
00:37:19.000 Like, you'll see people saying, like, oh, shit, am I on? 0.98
00:37:22.000 Am I on now? 0.99
00:37:22.000 And then they'll run out of the room and go on stage. 0.99
00:37:25.000 It's really cool.
00:37:27.000 I like that Paul Provenza show, The Green Room.
00:37:30.000 I enjoy whenever you can get Stan Hope and Dave Attell and Janine Garofalo in a room together and let them argue.
00:37:36.000 Yeah.
00:37:37.000 Jamie Kilstein or whoever was in that.
00:37:39.000 You know, I enjoy that.
00:37:41.000 But this is a real green room of a real show of a bunch of guys who work together on a regular basis.
00:37:46.000 And you're not going to get any weird awkwardness or people, you know, that are attacking people.
00:37:52.000 Most of it is just a lot of fun. 0.98
00:37:53.000 But occasionally, Brian will bring someone in here and you go, what the fuck are these people, Brian? 0.98
00:37:58.000 Who is this chick? 1.00
00:37:59.000 We've had only four really major incidences.
00:38:02.000 Yeah, but those have been...
00:38:03.000 People love those...
00:38:05.000 They love those moments.
00:38:06.000 We've had a few incidents where Brian brought people in and was like, this person can't talk anymore, Brian.
00:38:12.000 You've got to get this person out of here.
00:38:14.000 Who?
00:38:14.000 I can't tell you.
00:38:17.000 He knows people in some shady businesses. 1.00
00:38:20.000 I keep on running into shady shit. 1.00
00:38:23.000 Shady shit. 1.00
00:38:24.000 Yeah, that's a lot of it. 1.00
00:38:26.000 I think in the future, I'm going to completely do something.
00:38:29.000 I thought about this the other day.
00:38:30.000 I'm going to date somebody that I would have dated when I was 21. Like, when I was 21, I was...
00:38:37.000 Why don't you date someone that you should be dating when you're 37, you crazy asshole? 1.00
00:38:40.000 No, because that's even scarier. 1.00
00:38:42.000 37-year-olds in Los Angeles, that's the scariest bottom of the weird...
00:38:47.000 Sometimes.
00:38:48.000 For the most part, the ratio is really bad.
00:38:50.000 Sometimes it's like you, and sometimes it's like Duncan. 0.92
00:38:52.000 Sometimes it's a guy or a girl for you who's at a certain point in their life has actually learned a lot of shit and is actually fun to be around. 1.00
00:38:59.000 We all assume chauvinistically as men, especially, that when you meet a girl that's in their late 30s, she's just going to be a fucking wreck. 0.99
00:39:08.000 Just a screaming wreck of desperation and fear and blame. 0.99
00:39:13.000 Well, girls my age want to make babies quick, so they're about to trick you. 1.00
00:39:18.000 I feel like they try to play exactly who they think you want you to be.
00:39:21.000 Yeah, I know someone who absolutely, unquestionably was tricked.
00:39:27.000 The girl he was dating was older and they like right away started dating and she said that she was on the pill and she got off the pill immediately.
00:39:36.000 She immediately knew that she was only, I think she was like 35 or 36. This is a horror story.
00:39:42.000 Well that's where it gets with women, I mean not all women, obviously most women aren't deceptive, but where it gets with some women is like listen I don't give a fuck what he wants. 0.99
00:39:50.000 I only get one more shot at this. 0.98
00:39:52.000 I'm not going to be in some sort of relationship with some guy, by the way, who has plenty of money so he can take care of this thing.
00:39:57.000 Even if the kid doesn't work out, this is what I want.
00:39:59.000 I want a child.
00:40:00.000 This guy's got money, he's got genetics, and they'll just take the loads.
00:40:04.000 They'll just take the loads. 0.89
00:40:05.000 And you have to pretend that you have to somehow or another, you know, you have to, if you're having sex with her and you're not wearing a condom, you know, you have to realize that that's a possibility.
00:40:17.000 That someone could do that.
00:40:18.000 And it's totally legal, by the way.
00:40:19.000 She could do that.
00:40:20.000 Isn't that crazy?
00:40:21.000 Yeah.
00:40:22.000 Even if she was deceptive, I don't think she could lose in court.
00:40:25.000 I think she could probably say it's her business.
00:40:27.000 I think whether or not you took the pill.
00:40:30.000 Has anybody ever sued someone based on whether or not they took the pill?
00:40:33.000 I don't think so.
00:40:35.000 They say it's 99% effective.
00:40:36.000 I bet it's 100% effective. 1.00
00:40:37.000 Just one people are such wretched, lying cunts. 1.00
00:40:40.000 It's unprovable in court. 1.00
00:40:42.000 It's very possible the pill is just straight-up effective. 1.00
00:40:45.000 Would you ever get your shit snipped? 1.00
00:40:47.000 Like maybe save some sperm in a fridge? 1.00
00:40:49.000 Stanhope did that.
00:40:50.000 Did he save some sperm also?
00:40:52.000 No, he did not save sperm. 0.99
00:40:54.000 Save your sperm and then do it. 0.94
00:40:55.000 But that could be reversed. 1.00
00:40:56.000 But Doug's loads at this point are fucking completely useless. 0.99
00:41:00.000 His loads will come out like wet cardboard. 0.99
00:41:02.000 There's no way they're impregnating anybody. 1.00
00:41:06.000 That getting reversed just has this weird visual that your penis would be just so broken looking at you. 1.00
00:41:10.000 No, it's not your penis. 1.00
00:41:11.000 It's underneath your balls. 1.00
00:41:12.000 You wouldn't even see that. 1.00
00:41:14.000 But the innards, man, that's what's really crazy.
00:41:16.000 You're trying to reattach a tube, and it might not work.
00:41:18.000 It might not take.
00:41:20.000 This is like the worst.
00:41:21.000 This thing just fell into this.
00:41:23.000 We had that beautiful moment.
00:41:24.000 Well, there's another way of doing it, though.
00:41:26.000 There's another way of doing it.
00:41:27.000 There's a new way I saw online where they're doing it now with like a clip.
00:41:32.000 They're actually bending it and pinching it and cutting it off with a clip.
00:41:36.000 And the idea behind the clip is that it could be reversible. 0.99
00:41:39.000 But I always think that, like, you know, you're doing jujitsu and some guy goes knee on belly on you hard and pops your fucking clip out. 0.99
00:41:45.000 And next thing you know, well, listen, man, that's reality. 1.00
00:41:49.000 You get a big guy on you and side control, knee on belly's a motherfucker, dude. 0.99
00:41:53.000 You gotta have tight abs. 0.99
00:41:54.000 I do my sit-ups.
00:41:56.000 That's what I think. 0.99
00:41:56.000 I don't want to get stuck with some big fucking guy, knee on belly. 0.99
00:41:59.000 That's what I think of when I'm doing my sit-ups. 1.00
00:42:01.000 You just gave me an anxiety attack.
00:42:03.000 Don't get anxiety attacked.
00:42:05.000 Just do sit-ups with 25-pound plates while you're hanging by your ankles.
00:42:08.000 This is what you do.
00:42:09.000 You take a 25-pound plate, you put it by your chest, and you hang by your ankles. 0.98
00:42:12.000 And just all the way up, fucking slow, control it, Duncan, even if you can only do one. 0.99
00:42:18.000 How is this going to keep me from having an illegitimate child? 0.99
00:42:20.000 You're going to destroy your stomach muscles.
00:42:22.000 You're saying if I control myself.
00:42:25.000 I'm going to teach you about ball kegels. 0.82
00:42:27.000 Ball kegels?
00:42:28.000 That's the next thing I'm going to teach you about. 0.99
00:42:29.000 How to kegel your balls. 1.00
00:42:30.000 I don't want to know. 1.00
00:42:31.000 You know how women do kegels to keep their pussy tight? 1.00
00:42:34.000 Yes. 1.00
00:42:34.000 Apparently you can do that. 1.00
00:42:35.000 They're close your sperm down. 1.00
00:42:36.000 Shut the troops down. 0.97
00:42:37.000 Just come on, boys!
00:42:39.000 It's a really weak muscle. 0.99
00:42:40.000 If you try to squeeze your dick muscle right now, like as you're sitting here, just go like this. 0.99
00:42:43.000 Try to... 0.99
00:42:46.000 It's so weak. 0.99
00:42:47.000 I have no dick-squeezing endurance at all. 0.99
00:42:49.000 I don't either. 0.99
00:42:49.000 That's why when you have to come and you don't want to come, it's so hard. 0.99
00:42:53.000 You know, when you're like, don't fucking move! 0.97
00:42:56.000 Don't move! 0.99
00:42:57.000 And you're just grabbing her and holding her in place.
00:42:59.000 Don't move!
00:42:59.000 And you're going, just squeeze it!
00:43:02.000 Forget it! 0.53
00:43:03.000 Just forget it!
00:43:04.000 That's when loads sneak out.
00:43:06.000 And that's how people get pregnant. 1.00
00:43:07.000 Do you believe the idea that...
00:43:10.000 Like the Taoists and like the tantric sex people believe that you actually lose energy when you come.
00:43:17.000 Like if you come too much you're losing some form of energy.
00:43:20.000 Now like some boxers they won't ejaculate like before a fight but they won't have sex before a fight because they want to Well, they've actually proven, physiologically proven, that if you don't have any release within seven days, your testosterone goes up significantly.
00:43:35.000 Right.
00:43:36.000 Significantly, like measurably.
00:43:38.000 I don't remember the actual number, but it was enough so that it would warrant doing that if you were a fighter.
00:43:43.000 But for some fighters...
00:43:46.000 The difficult thing is relaxing.
00:43:48.000 The difficult thing is getting in there and being able to fight up to your potential.
00:43:52.000 It's not the amount of testosterone that you're producing.
00:43:54.000 It's how well are you in control of your mind.
00:43:58.000 Right. 1.00
00:43:58.000 Because your mind is what's going to guide you through this fucking thing. 1.00
00:44:01.000 Your mind's going to have to deal with the consequences of knuckles coming flying at your face and jumping knees and dudes trying to take you down. 1.00
00:44:07.000 Dudes trying to throw you literally on your head.
00:44:09.000 Your mind is dealing with all this and your mind has got to be on point And your mind has got to be relaxed enough to not freeze up.
00:44:18.000 Right.
00:44:19.000 Relaxed enough to respond to the pressure and do the smart thing.
00:44:22.000 And not get exhausted quickly because of anxiety.
00:44:25.000 That's a big problem with guys.
00:44:27.000 Their mind gets them so like this that their body's like, I can't do this anymore.
00:44:31.000 Right.
00:44:31.000 Because they're so inefficient.
00:44:32.000 They're so completely inefficient in their use of their body that everything is a strain and everything is a sprint.
00:44:39.000 And they become exhausted like almost immediately.
00:44:42.000 Right. 1.00
00:44:42.000 Yeah, learning to get in that fucking state, man. 1.00
00:44:44.000 By the way, what I was saying is, in that case, I would say that you should have sex. 1.00
00:44:48.000 Because then you're not going to at least think about the sex. 0.99
00:44:50.000 Because if you're not having sex, you're built up with all this testosterone, and you're just thinking about pussy, and you're so confused, you might not even be able to be comfortable in there. 0.99
00:44:58.000 You might not be able to, like, get loose in there. 0.99
00:45:01.000 You know, whereas if you get it out of your system, you get the sex, you still feel great.
00:45:07.000 I mean, how much of an effect does it have on you?
00:45:10.000 Does it have an effect on you where you go to the gym and you're weak?
00:45:13.000 No.
00:45:13.000 I've had sex and gone to the gym and I feel great.
00:45:15.000 It's not that much of a problem. 0.94
00:45:17.000 I think for a lot of guys, you'd be better off just having the sex to calm down, get it out of your system.
00:45:22.000 Yeah, look, don't ask me, man. 1.00
00:45:25.000 I maybe can go like four days without jerking off. 0.99
00:45:28.000 I'm not having sex at the most. 0.98
00:45:30.000 So I have no idea.
00:45:31.000 It's a mystery to me.
00:45:33.000 Taoism and the whole tantric thing.
00:45:34.000 I just don't know if it's something I wonder about because it's two systems that both You know, have like really developed systems around this idea of like extending your orgasm.
00:45:47.000 Like somehow they can like supposedly make their orgasms last much, much, much longer.
00:45:52.000 Yeah, Sting is into that, right? 0.99
00:45:53.000 But you would think if you were like really that in tune with everything, it's fucking songs would be better lately. 0.98
00:46:00.000 Right. 0.97
00:46:00.000 You know, like a long time ago they were awesome. 0.97
00:46:02.000 You know, the old Sting.
00:46:04.000 When was the last time Sting had a good new song?
00:46:06.000 Does he have songs anymore?
00:46:08.000 Yeah.
00:46:09.000 Last Sting songs I heard that were new, they came out while I was playing pool.
00:46:12.000 Field of Gravy or whatever that song is.
00:46:14.000 Field of Gravy?
00:46:15.000 Field of Gravy. 0.99
00:46:16.000 Well, him and his wife, they have like these 30-minute sex sessions, but where's your music, bro? 0.92
00:46:21.000 You know, I mean, is he putting out music that I'm not aware of? 0.91
00:46:23.000 Did you say 30-minute?
00:46:25.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. 0.90
00:46:26.000 It was like crazy tantric orgasms where they last like 30 minutes. 0.72
00:46:29.000 30-minute orgasms. 0.52
00:46:29.000 Yeah, yeah, for real. 0.52
00:46:30.000 Could you imagine the smell on that?
00:46:32.000 What do you think?
00:46:33.000 Ah! 0.99
00:46:35.000 Hey, what do you think would happen if you had a 24-hour orgasm? 0.99
00:46:39.000 It would feel great. 1.00
00:46:41.000 That would suck.
00:46:43.000 I don't know, man. 0.99
00:46:45.000 You'd be wasted.
00:46:46.000 You'd be exhausted by the time it was over.
00:46:47.000 But yeah, it would probably feel great. 0.96
00:46:48.000 Can you imagine trying to eat while having an orgasm? 0.91
00:46:51.000 Like you're at Subway trying to order. 0.97
00:46:53.000 That would be embarrassing.
00:46:54.000 That would be the worst thing ever.
00:46:55.000 It would be the worst drug.
00:46:56.000 You'd always be around people coming wherever. 0.90
00:46:58.000 You'd go to parties and everyone's just on the couch having orgasms. 0.60
00:47:02.000 That's totally possible, by the way.
00:47:04.000 That's not like a really difficult thing to represent chemically.
00:47:06.000 I bet.
00:47:07.000 Yeah, I don't think it is.
00:47:08.000 I think they could come up with an orgasm pill. 0.88
00:47:10.000 That's not around the corner. 0.98
00:47:11.000 No one ever would have thought a hard dick pill would have been feasible or achievable so quickly and easily. 0.99
00:47:17.000 Sure, that was the plague of so many fucking... 1.00
00:47:20.000 Think how hard it would have been to have an erection when you're looking down at your wife's flea-covered pussy that hasn't had a shower in four months. 1.00
00:47:30.000 Yeah, there's no showers. 1.00
00:47:32.000 Could they even bathe?
00:47:33.000 If they bathe, you had to get, like, buckets of water.
00:47:35.000 You had to bring them by the river.
00:47:37.000 Down from the river.
00:47:37.000 One at a time.
00:47:38.000 Yeah.
00:47:38.000 You had to go over and over again.
00:47:40.000 It'd probably take you an hour and a half each fucking trip, back and forth, back and forth. 0.99
00:47:43.000 I'll get the rest of it tomorrow. 0.99
00:47:45.000 Yeah.
00:47:45.000 Then what do you do?
00:47:45.000 You boil the water?
00:47:46.000 What's going on there?
00:47:47.000 Or just take an ice cold bath.
00:47:51.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:47:51.000 Yeah, and then you dry your dirty ass off on some fucking animal skins. 1.00
00:47:55.000 Some just old gross half-brotten skins, and you're just dirty again. 1.00
00:47:59.000 Ha ha! 0.86
00:48:00.000 Yeah, what did people smell like back then?
00:48:02.000 Oh, no one knows.
00:48:03.000 Armpits probably nicely, right?
00:48:04.000 I wonder if it balanced out, if like all the bacteria in your body would just fight each other off until it got to like a balanced warfare state.
00:48:11.000 You know, the issue with us is that we clean our skin so much that we lose a lot of the healthy bacteria on the outside of your skin.
00:48:18.000 That's one of the problems with people that have an obsessive compulsive and they have to clean everything.
00:48:24.000 Yeah.
00:48:24.000 People that are, what is that, a phobia?
00:48:25.000 What is it called when you're afraid of germs?
00:48:27.000 OCD. Yeah.
00:48:29.000 Yeah.
00:48:30.000 Howie Mandel gets warts on his hands, apparently.
00:48:33.000 Yeah, because he uses that hand cleaner so much.
00:48:36.000 His hand is getting worse.
00:48:37.000 Whoa.
00:48:37.000 It's getting worse?
00:48:38.000 We had a podcast the other day where somebody knows.
00:48:40.000 Yeah, he won't even touch knuckles with you anymore.
00:48:42.000 He used to touch knuckles, but now he won't even do that.
00:48:44.000 You know what, man?
00:48:45.000 We've already talked about this, but when you consider... 1.00
00:48:48.000 How filthy the assholes of most people in the Western world are? 1.00
00:48:52.000 It kind of makes sense, man. 1.00
00:48:55.000 You're just using toilet paper to wipe.
00:48:58.000 You're using toilet paper.
00:49:00.000 Yes, that is gross.
00:49:01.000 But being such a germophobia is preposterous because we are not one thing.
00:49:07.000 We're terrified of these germs, but we have germs in us.
00:49:10.000 We are germs.
00:49:11.000 You know, we're not just one thing.
00:49:13.000 You should clean your hands.
00:49:14.000 Yes, for sure.
00:49:15.000 You should definitely wash your dishes. 1.00
00:49:16.000 You should clean your ass. 1.00
00:49:17.000 You should. 1.00
00:49:18.000 But you also shouldn't be a fucking freak. 1.00
00:49:20.000 Don't be crazy about it. 0.99
00:49:22.000 Don't be afraid to touch a table because somebody might have touched it before you. 1.00
00:49:24.000 Just wash your goddamn hands and eat your vegetables. 1.00
00:49:27.000 Well, no, they say it. 1.00
00:49:28.000 I mean, I've given Duncan a couple stink watches before where you don't wash your finger and then when you shake hands, you just kind of rub it on the inside of their hand right here and it makes it smell like poop.
00:49:37.000 Aw, jeez, man.
00:49:38.000 Brian. 0.99
00:49:41.000 I heard you guys were talking about me itching my ass on your podcast. 1.00
00:49:44.000 You itch your asshole. 1.00
00:49:45.000 Brian itches his asshole. 1.00
00:49:46.000 No, no, no, no. 1.00
00:49:47.000 What I do is...
00:49:48.000 He admits it. 1.00
00:49:48.000 While he sits there, he itches his asshole. 1.00
00:49:50.000 For sure he doesn't wash it before he touches the keyboard. 1.00
00:49:51.000 That's such a weird thing to admit.
00:49:52.000 See, that's completely false what he's saying right now. 1.00
00:49:55.000 You tell me that you have itched your asshole... 1.00
00:49:57.000 I'm saying I have. 1.00
00:49:58.000 Are you telling me you have not? 1.00
00:49:59.000 I'm saying I know you have itched your asshole by mistake before, or at least once and twice in your life, right? 0.99
00:50:06.000 I make sure that if I do have to itch my asshole, that I wash my hands afterwards, I am not convinced that you do the same. 0.99
00:50:11.000 See, that's right there is just spreading false information. 0.99
00:50:16.000 Because do you think I really itch my ass and then just walk around and be like, oh, it smells good? 0.99
00:50:20.000 No. 0.99
00:50:21.000 I want everything to smell like poop now. 1.00
00:50:23.000 That if you were tired and you didn't feel like getting up to go wash your hands and your asshole itched, you would itch your asshole for sure and then go right back to your keyboard. 1.00
00:50:30.000 No, I would suck on a little and wipe it on my shirt. 1.00
00:50:34.000 Disgusting, man! 1.00
00:50:35.000 37-year-old man boy. 0.99
00:50:38.000 His name is Red Band.
00:50:40.000 We need a commercial.
00:50:41.000 The Adventures of Red Band.
00:50:42.000 The Adventures of Red Band made up by you. 1.00
00:50:44.000 Because that was all bullshit. 1.00
00:50:46.000 You're the one... 1.00
00:50:47.000 You cry sensitive, but you're the one who wants to interrupt podcasts with digging your asshole stories. 1.00
00:50:52.000 And that's how it got started in the first place. 1.00
00:50:54.000 We had a podcast where you jumped in the middle of it and started talking about you actually getting shit on your hands... 0.99
00:51:00.000 We were talking about that right then. 0.99
00:51:03.000 That's why I said it.
00:51:04.000 I don't believe we were, but the point is you cannot bring something like that.
00:51:07.000 That's how I got to it.
00:51:08.000 You guys were just talking about it. 1.00
00:51:09.000 The point is you cannot bring something like that up and be that preposterous and then be sensitive about people talking about you itching your asshole and having shit all over your ass. 1.00
00:51:18.000 The only reason I said that is because I heard you talk about it on Duncan's podcast that I did this when in fact I didn't do this. 1.00
00:51:24.000 You did itch your asshole. 1.00
00:51:26.000 I said I have itched my asshole. 1.00
00:51:29.000 This is like the worst case of Judge Judy. 1.00
00:51:31.000 You've itched your asshole. 1.00
00:51:33.000 You cannot be judgmental about guys talking about you itching your asshole. 1.00
00:51:38.000 Do you not understand that you open up the door? 1.00
00:51:40.000 You've itched your asshole too? 1.00
00:51:41.000 Yes, I have. 1.00
00:51:42.000 Exactly!
00:51:43.000 Then what's the big deal?
00:51:44.000 I told you, I washed my hands.
00:51:46.000 Guys, and I never said I didn't?
00:51:48.000 You are.
00:51:48.000 I guarantee you.
00:51:49.000 So I didn't say I washed my hands.
00:51:50.000 That means I didn't wash my hands.
00:51:51.000 I just love to smell poop. 1.00
00:51:53.000 It's your asshole and then go do some typing. 1.00
00:51:56.000 If you only had like three more words to type, you would definitely go, well, I'll wash my hands in a little bit. 1.00
00:52:01.000 I'll remember to wash this keyboard off. 0.99
00:52:04.000 I'll make up some shit about you now. 1.00
00:52:06.000 Listen, Brian, you want to talk about itching your asshole and getting shit on it. 1.00
00:52:10.000 You cannot be sensitive about that, man. 1.00
00:52:12.000 That's silly. 1.00
00:52:13.000 Look, you who have not itched your asshole throw the first stone. 1.00
00:52:16.000 It becomes a subject. 1.00
00:52:16.000 It becomes a subject and then it becomes fun. 1.00
00:52:18.000 You can't stop that. 1.00
00:52:19.000 All of you guys here have itched your own asshole, right? 1.00
00:52:21.000 Yes. 1.00
00:52:21.000 How am I any different? 1.00
00:52:23.000 Because I talked about it?
00:52:24.000 Yes. 0.99
00:52:25.000 I'm sorry for talking about itching my asshole by mistake. 0.99
00:52:28.000 We can say that just based on your normal behavior that it's at least a possible... 1.00
00:52:33.000 It's a possible example that you could have itched your asshole and then not gone to the bathroom and washed it. 1.00
00:52:38.000 It's very possible. 1.00
00:52:39.000 That's very possible.
00:52:40.000 So that's what we made fun of, dude. 0.99
00:52:42.000 So fucking relax. 0.99
00:52:44.000 No, you're saying it as if I did, though. 0.99
00:52:46.000 No, I'm not.
00:52:47.000 You did on your podcast, I heard. 1.00
00:52:48.000 Well, we said you itched your asshole and then didn't wash it and then touching everything. 1.00
00:52:52.000 Yeah, that's what we said. 1.00
00:52:53.000 That's possible.
00:52:54.000 That's why it's funny.
00:52:55.000 Okay.
00:52:56.000 We don't know, obviously. 1.00
00:52:57.000 We weren't there while you were itching your asshole and touching things. 1.00
00:53:00.000 It's called goofing on you. 1.00
00:53:02.000 You can't goof on yourself in front of us like that and then expect us not to also do the same thing.
00:53:07.000 If there's anything that we goof on about ourselves during the podcast, feel free to goof on it about us when we're not here.
00:53:13.000 If you're doing it yourself, you can't be upset that other people are doing it. 1.00
00:53:16.000 You're talking about digging in your asshole, getting shit all over your hands. 1.00
00:53:19.000 You cannot be upset at other people laughing about that. 1.00
00:53:22.000 If you want to... 0.97
00:53:23.000 Look, I've talked about the podcast about shitting my pants. 0.99
00:53:26.000 I shit my pants driving home from Fear Factor once. 1.00
00:53:29.000 Shit my fucking pants. 1.00
00:53:30.000 Plop. 1.00
00:53:31.000 Filled them up.
00:53:32.000 Just held it in as long as I can.
00:53:34.000 I was like...
00:53:37.000 I couldn't.
00:53:37.000 I couldn't hold it in anymore.
00:53:39.000 I was stuck in traffic.
00:53:39.000 It was a horrible diarrhea moment.
00:53:42.000 Feel free to make fun of that, because it actually did happen.
00:53:44.000 I actually did have to clean my car.
00:53:46.000 I actually did have to clean my pants. 0.99
00:53:48.000 The shit didn't get in my car, but my pants were soaking wet with shit, so that kind of leaked through some of the fabric and got all over my seats, so I had to get in there with Windex, and I used an old toothbrush and shit. 1.00
00:54:00.000 It's disgusting. 1.00
00:54:01.000 That's real. 0.74
00:54:01.000 So you can make fun of that. 0.74
00:54:02.000 And when you start talking about digging in your ass and getting shit all over your hands, guess what, fella? 1.00
00:54:07.000 We're going to joke about it. 1.00
00:54:08.000 You can't be all sensitive about that. 1.00
00:54:10.000 Silly bitch. 1.00
00:54:11.000 No, but what I heard you said, and this is just, I didn't even listen to the podcast. 1.00
00:54:15.000 What I heard you said is, you're telling that Brian itches his asshole. 1.00
00:54:19.000 Then stop now. 1.00
00:54:19.000 Then stop now. 1.00
00:54:20.000 If you didn't listen to the podcast, stop now.
00:54:23.000 Don't ever comment on something, especially in an angry way.
00:54:26.000 I'm not even commenting in an angry way.
00:54:27.000 You're asking why I brought it up, and I'm telling you why I brought it up, because I heard recently you were saying that I did that.
00:54:32.000 That's how you asked how I brought up the situation that I randomly threw in something about what you were talking about.
00:54:37.000 It was very similar to what you guys were talking about. 1.00
00:54:39.000 Brian, you need to settle the fuck down before you have a heart attack. 0.99
00:54:40.000 I'm just explaining myself! 1.00
00:54:42.000 You're the one going off on me, man.
00:54:44.000 No, I'm not, Brian. 0.99
00:54:45.000 You're being defensive about the fact that we were joking around about you itching your ass and touching things. 0.99
00:54:49.000 I'm not being defensive. 0.99
00:54:50.000 You asked me why I randomly brought up the fact and I was telling you why.
00:54:53.000 You certainly are being defensive.
00:54:55.000 I'm not. 0.99
00:54:56.000 I don't give a shit. 0.99
00:54:56.000 And the way you're arguing right now is very childlike. 0.99
00:54:59.000 It is very defensive.
00:55:00.000 Did you see Deadmau5 and Madonna?
00:55:02.000 Yes, I did.
00:55:03.000 That's crazy.
00:55:03.000 What do you think about that?
00:55:04.000 Well, Deadmau5 is a silly bitch. 1.00
00:55:06.000 He was making fun of Madonna because Madonna, well Madonna, like, you know, people on my message board were totally ragging on her for her attempt at being relevant. 0.99
00:55:14.000 You know, she gets on stage like, who here has seen Molly?
00:55:16.000 Molly is a nickname for MDMA. Which is her new album, isn't it?
00:55:21.000 MDNA. Yeah, but it's written to kind of...
00:55:24.000 So she's just trying to...
00:55:25.000 She's trying to pump up her album.
00:55:26.000 Yeah.
00:55:27.000 Yeah, I mean, that's part of her thing is connecting herself to this very, very popular rave drug.
00:55:31.000 So Deadmau5 gets mad about it and he gets pissed at her and saying, you know, You know, you're connecting drugs to the electronic dance movement, and you shouldn't do that.
00:55:43.000 His idea is you don't need drugs to enjoy the music that he's making, or any of those artists are making, which is true.
00:55:50.000 You do not need drugs to do that.
00:55:51.000 I mean, I've listened to his stuff, and I enjoyed it, and I wasn't on drugs.
00:55:55.000 Yeah, but take some really good actors. 0.89
00:55:56.000 If you took MDMA, he doesn't have any experience in it. 0.97
00:56:00.000 So that's why it's ridiculous. 0.99
00:56:01.000 So for him to say that, it's like, man, you're talking shit about an experience that for some people is maybe the most energetic and positive experience they've ever had in their life is being high on ecstasy at a rave, listening to dance music. 0.99
00:56:15.000 Being on excellent MDMA and standing in front of a speaker the size of a house that's blasting out fucking awesome house music. 0.99
00:56:26.000 There's nothing like that. 0.94
00:56:28.000 It's the coolest thing ever.
00:56:30.000 That's what most people go to see, that music on Molly.
00:56:33.000 That's the whole point of listening to the music.
00:56:35.000 But what he's saying is it's giving his electronic music a bad name.
00:56:38.000 You don't have to enjoy...
00:56:41.000 Listening to that kind of music online. 0.95
00:56:42.000 But I think that's ridiculous. 0.96
00:56:43.000 That's like saying reggae music without marijuana. 0.96
00:56:46.000 That's like saying rap without stealing a car.
00:56:49.000 You're certainly not going to...
00:56:50.000 That is something I remember that was like back in the day when I used to go to the raves.
00:56:55.000 That was like one section of people who would go to the raves.
00:56:59.000 And a very small one were a group of connoisseurs of the music who didn't think that you should pollute your mind with the drugs and just purely enjoy the music.
00:57:08.000 Well, the problem is we had Deadmau5 on the podcast. 0.99
00:57:10.000 He was drunk as fuck, and he wouldn't stop smoking cigarettes. 0.99
00:57:13.000 Oh, come on! 1.00
00:57:15.000 He chain-smoked cigarettes, and he was drunk as fuck. 1.00
00:57:17.000 And I enjoyed hanging out with him. 1.00
00:57:18.000 Don't get me wrong.
00:57:19.000 I like the dude.
00:57:20.000 But I think his whole thought process is really...
00:57:24.000 It's uninformed.
00:57:26.000 And I think if he had experiences with psychedelic drugs and music...
00:57:31.000 I mean, not that MDMA is a psychedelic.
00:57:33.000 It's an inhabitant.
00:57:35.000 What's that?
00:57:37.000 It's impactful is what it is.
00:57:40.000 MDMA had a very strong influence on my behavior.
00:57:44.000 It gave me a very deep insight into behavior patterns and insecurity.
00:57:51.000 And I said on my message board, I was like, I think he could use some MDMA. I really think he could.
00:57:56.000 Not that he's a bad guy, but I think that there's a lot of people, they have a certain amount of unnecessary anger inside of them, a certain amount of unnecessary judgment. 0.99
00:58:04.000 And MDMA will knock that shit right out of you. 0.99
00:58:07.000 It's such a loving feeling. 0.99
00:58:09.000 And that's one of the reasons why they're using it for post-traumatic stress disorder, for vets coming back from Iraq and Afghanistan.
00:58:16.000 And that's a positive thing, man.
00:58:19.000 That's a good thing.
00:58:20.000 Are people abusing it and dancing?
00:58:21.000 Of course they are.
00:58:22.000 But that goes back to what I said in that movie, The Union.
00:58:26.000 People can abuse cheeseburgers.
00:58:27.000 Should we make cheeseburgers illegal? 0.93
00:58:28.000 I can take a fork and stick in my eye.
00:58:30.000 Should we make forks illegal? 0.98
00:58:31.000 But do you know how many people a year die from drinking?
00:58:34.000 What the statistic is?
00:58:35.000 It's 100,000.
00:58:36.000 Yeah, between 70 and 100,000.
00:58:37.000 And that doesn't even include drunk driving deaths, by the way.
00:58:39.000 That's people who drunk themselves to death.
00:58:42.000 Right.
00:58:42.000 Yeah, people die from alcohol poisoning, people die from overdosing on alcohol, people die from sclerosis of the liver directly related to alcoholism.
00:58:49.000 Sure.
00:58:51.000 MDMA is a small amount.
00:58:53.000 It's like illegal drugs in this country is only like 12,000 people die a year.
00:58:56.000 Yeah.
00:58:56.000 The real problem is prescription drugs right now, which are overcoming drunk driving accidents as far as fatalities.
00:59:01.000 Oh my god, those are the worst.
00:59:02.000 People die from those left and right, man.
00:59:04.000 I have a friend who died.
00:59:05.000 I have a friend who died in New York, a pool player, and he was a great guy, and he was a straight edge.
00:59:10.000 He was straight edge.
00:59:11.000 He made fun of people who smoked cigarettes, and then all of a sudden he hurt his back.
00:59:15.000 And when he hurt his back, he got on some oxycodones or, you know, one of those.
00:59:19.000 And just, boop, that was it.
00:59:21.000 See ya.
00:59:21.000 Bye-bye.
00:59:22.000 Changed his life.
00:59:23.000 Fell asleep in his mashed potatoes.
00:59:25.000 Everyone's hanging out together. 1.00
00:59:26.000 The fucking guy just falls asleep sitting there eating dinner. 1.00
00:59:28.000 Plop. 1.00
00:59:29.000 So sad.
00:59:29.000 Like a movie.
00:59:30.000 Puts his arm down and falls asleep on a plate of mashed potatoes.
00:59:34.000 It's so sad, dude.
00:59:35.000 It's the saddest thing ever, man.
00:59:37.000 It really is.
00:59:37.000 It is sad.
00:59:38.000 It's really sad when you consider that these drugs, these synthetic drugs that people are, that are killing so many people are semi-legal and alcohol is killing everybody and it's totally legal.
00:59:48.000 Whereas these, like an empath, an empathogen like MDMA that when you take it, you can, if you have some discipline, you can go dancing.
00:59:55.000 It's fun to go dancing on it.
00:59:57.000 But if you have some discipline, you can shift your life into the positive forever.
01:00:02.000 Yes.
01:00:03.000 If you have some discipline and if you're working with someone or if you're, if you know what you're doing.
01:00:07.000 Well, if you're honest about your experience, if you're a person who's truly looking to improve who you are as a person, I think MDMA can be very impactful.
01:00:16.000 I didn't like the way it made me feel.
01:00:18.000 I wouldn't recommend anybody doing it.
01:00:19.000 I would say, man, you have to weigh your own pros and cons.
01:00:22.000 Even though it impacted me in a very positive way, I remember feeling absolutely terrible the next day.
01:00:27.000 I don't think it's good for your body.
01:00:29.000 I don't want to do it again.
01:00:30.000 But I learned a lot from doing it.
01:00:32.000 And the fact that OxyContin, which are literally synthetic heroin, Literally.
01:00:37.000 That is what it is.
01:00:39.000 There's no doubt it is a synthetic opiate.
01:00:41.000 It is incredibly, incredibly addictive.
01:00:44.000 People who have done heroin say it's easier to kick heroin than it is to kick pills.
01:00:48.000 Jesus.
01:00:48.000 The Oxycontin pills, somehow or another, the way they're constructed, the way it impacts with the human body, makes them even more addictive.
01:00:54.000 It's just insanity now. 1.00
01:00:56.000 Well, they're fucking fishhooks, dude. 1.00
01:00:57.000 They're fishhooks coming out of the pharmaceutical companies that get stuck in people's brains. 1.00
01:01:02.000 You get a fucking fishhook in your brain attached to a giant corporation that's got you fucking wired in, whether you're getting it legally or not. 0.98
01:01:09.000 It's like telephone wires all connecting back to the telephone company. 1.00
01:01:13.000 From the brains, all these pill poppers. 1.00
01:01:15.000 It's just fucking lines going back to work. 1.00
01:01:18.000 And no benefit whatsoever except a little bit of pain relief. 0.99
01:01:20.000 The social benefit of MDMA would be gigantic, man.
01:01:25.000 If MDMA became legal and it was prescribed.
01:01:28.000 But the problem is also, you know, you got people who would OD on it, people who drink when they take it.
01:01:34.000 There's a lot of different possibilities. 0.84
01:01:36.000 People could fuck it up. 0.99
01:01:37.000 Yeah, they could fuck it up, but guess what? 0.99
01:01:39.000 They get to because it's their life and their body. 0.61
01:01:42.000 Yes, and they can do that with alcohol. 1.00
01:01:43.000 Yeah.
01:01:43.000 And they can do that.
01:01:44.000 You know, the fact that there's all these laws against things like MDMA and mushrooms and things.
01:01:50.000 Mushrooms are where it really gets crazy because you can't over-deat. 0.99
01:01:53.000 You know, who the fuck has ever overdosed on mushrooms? 0.98
01:01:55.000 You have to eat, like, pounds of it. 0.99
01:01:57.000 The LD50 rate for mushrooms is really high.
01:02:01.000 You've got to be really trying to kill yourself. 0.99
01:02:04.000 I think it's like a garbage bag. 0.99
01:02:05.000 Which, by the way, you could eat way less salt and you'd be dead. 1.00
01:02:09.000 You don't even have to eat a pound of salt and you're fucking gone, man. 1.00
01:02:12.000 You ain't coming back. 0.99
01:02:14.000 If you ate a pound of salt and you just sat there with a tablespoon and just started eating salt and you ate a whole pound bag, that's it.
01:02:20.000 That's a wrap, kid.
01:02:21.000 See ya. 1.00
01:02:22.000 You're dead. 1.00
01:02:22.000 You're dead. 1.00
01:02:23.000 Yeah, you could die from drinking water. 0.99
01:02:25.000 Remember we were in Sacramento and that lady died in a contest?
01:02:27.000 Oh, I remember when that happened, man.
01:02:29.000 It's so sad.
01:02:30.000 That happened to a frat kid, too. 0.99
01:02:32.000 They were hazing a frat kid and they made him drink water until he couldn't drink anymore and he fucking died, too. 0.99
01:02:38.000 He'd just die. 1.00
01:02:39.000 It's so fucked up, man. 1.00
01:02:41.000 It's a terrible way to go. 1.00
01:02:42.000 We have weird laws that protect people.
01:02:44.000 Cigarettes being legal is the most preposterous.
01:02:47.000 And also remember like the impulse for many people who are taking psychedelics is not to try to wipe out the universe, but it's to try to go deeper into the universe.
01:02:57.000 And so that means that a lot of people in the jails right now and a lot of people in the dungeons, they had the same instincts It's like a lot of the great philosophers.
01:03:06.000 They just wanted to expand their mind and understand a little bit about the universe and they're in prison now.
01:03:11.000 They're imprisoned. 0.95
01:03:12.000 And so from the prohibition, you're not just getting an inability to go enjoy a great fucking night at some underground party or the inability to like have a great camping trip with your pals. 0.93
01:03:22.000 It's literally, I think, stifling evolution because God knows what amazing thoughts people could be coming up with If there was regulated psychedelics and we got to explore them to understand how to really use them and how to really fucking harness them to make us smarter, you know? 0.61
01:03:42.000 This is something that's the birthright of humanity.
01:03:45.000 All indigenous tribes have some form of psychedelic that they take.
01:03:48.000 This is like...
01:03:49.000 The ancient people of the earth knew about this peyote, ayahuasca, yet somehow in the modern age they're keeping us from this experience that maybe is the thing that connected the Native Americans to the earth that you were talking about in the beginning.
01:04:02.000 Maybe it is the thing that made people not so fucking fixated on material possessions, you know?
01:04:09.000 But we have a prohibition happening now.
01:04:11.000 It's the dark ages.
01:04:12.000 It's like imagine if there was a book.
01:04:14.000 Just some book, and inside of it was amazing information that will teach you how to overcome your ego, that will connect you with your brothers and sisters around you. 0.99
01:04:22.000 There's this amazing book, and it's surrounded by a fence that the governments erect, and they're like, sorry, can't read that fucking book. 0.96
01:04:29.000 Can't read it. 0.98
01:04:30.000 It's illegal.
01:04:31.000 You read that book, you're going to the dungeon.
01:04:33.000 If we catch you distributing this book, copies of this book, we put you in the dungeon.
01:04:38.000 Doesn't make any sense, man. 1.00
01:04:40.000 Why aren't they letting us read that fucking book? 0.99
01:04:42.000 I don't know anyone who died on mushrooms. 1.00
01:04:44.000 I don't know anyone where anything bad happened to them on mushrooms.
01:04:46.000 Nobody.
01:04:47.000 I've never heard it.
01:04:48.000 I'm sure it's out there, but...
01:04:49.000 A lot of things bad on mushrooms. 1.00
01:04:52.000 Yeah, but those people are all bitches. 1.00
01:04:54.000 Every person I've ever met that had like a horrible trip on mushrooms, they all had like psychological shit they were dealing with. 1.00
01:05:00.000 I had like five bad problems. 0.99
01:05:02.000 I got sick. 0.91
01:05:04.000 I was shitting myself and then puking. 0.84
01:05:07.000 Oh, well that's possible. 0.93
01:05:10.000 You get some food poisoning.
01:05:12.000 Most bad trips, I think, are overdosing.
01:05:15.000 I think that's all it is.
01:05:16.000 There's an overdose limit of how much mushrooms you should have based on how much you ate that day.
01:05:21.000 I don't know all the factors.
01:05:22.000 That's why it needs to be regulated because then it could be dispensed like synthetic psilocybin.
01:05:26.000 Yeah, well, we're talking about the whole idea behind the fact that these drugs like cocaine are illegal is what keeps them from being impure.
01:05:36.000 Everyone cuts them up.
01:05:37.000 Everyone adds all the stuff to them.
01:05:38.000 You couldn't do that if it was sold by Coca-Cola.
01:05:41.000 Coca-Cola was selling cocaine.
01:05:42.000 Sure.
01:05:42.000 You would have to have the ingredients listed right there on it.
01:05:46.000 You would know exactly what it was.
01:05:48.000 They would have to sell you actual cocaine. 0.99
01:05:50.000 But when you're buying it from some fucking kid at a rave, he's calling it MDMA. I hope he's right. 0.99
01:05:56.000 You don't know.
01:05:56.000 You're taking a chance.
01:05:57.000 You want to party.
01:05:58.000 You want to have a good time.
01:05:58.000 Yeah, but who knows?
01:05:59.000 Who knows what the fuck it is, man? 0.99
01:06:01.000 It's like what Joey Diaz was talking about with the cocaine the other day. 0.99
01:06:03.000 That's what I just said.
01:06:04.000 Oh.
01:06:05.000 Jesus Christ, you're not even listening.
01:06:06.000 That's what we were actually saying.
01:06:08.000 That's the subject we were talking about. 0.98
01:06:10.000 Dude, if I had a time machine, Rogan, and I could go back in time, one of my stops on the way back to the crucifixion would be to fucking pick up a cocaine-laden bottle of Coca-Cola. 0.97
01:06:22.000 Haven't you always wondered what that was like to drink a cocaine-ed coke? 0.98
01:06:27.000 Yeah.
01:06:28.000 Dude, it's got to be...
01:06:29.000 Well, when we say cocaine, also we talked about this in the podcast yesterday, the coca leaf, the chewing of the coca leaf has a very...
01:06:36.000 It's a very different reaction than eating.
01:06:40.000 And by the way, coca leaves are still in Coca-Cola.
01:06:44.000 A lot of people don't know that.
01:06:45.000 I didn't know that.
01:06:45.000 But yeah, they still import, even though coca leaves are illegal, they still import coca leaves using Coca-Cola.
01:06:51.000 I might be talking on my ass. 0.99
01:06:53.000 Jesus, I did not know that. 0.99
01:06:53.000 I think they changed the formula for that a long time ago. 0.99
01:06:56.000 I don't know.
01:06:57.000 I think it was like a long long time ago.
01:07:02.000 Not sure about that.
01:07:04.000 I'm not sure about that.
01:07:07.000 But anyway, my point is, the coca leaf Which they, you know, they had that.
01:07:13.000 That was an ingredient, right?
01:07:15.000 But were they using cocaine as an ingredient?
01:07:18.000 Or was it just the coca leaves?
01:07:20.000 I don't know.
01:07:21.000 I mean, wasn't Sherlock Holmes addicted to cocaine in those books?
01:07:24.000 I think it was...
01:07:24.000 A lot of guys were...
01:07:25.000 Yeah.
01:07:25.000 I thought it was morphine.
01:07:26.000 It wasn't...
01:07:26.000 Is it morphine?
01:07:27.000 I can't remember.
01:07:28.000 Or was that Wyatt Earp?
01:07:29.000 Wyatt Earp used to go to morphine dens?
01:07:31.000 Probably.
01:07:32.000 People were...
01:07:32.000 Yeah.
01:07:32.000 They had opium dens.
01:07:34.000 Yeah.
01:07:34.000 And I think Freud was really into coke.
01:07:36.000 I think they were, like, blasting themselves with coke.
01:07:38.000 And it was totally legal.
01:07:40.000 Like no one, it wasn't regulated back then as far as I know.
01:07:43.000 I think you could at least get prescriptions for it.
01:07:46.000 I've seen like cool old bottles. 0.99
01:07:48.000 I mean if it's in fucking coke, if it's in Coca-Cola, it's legal. 0.97
01:07:52.000 Yeah, there is actually legal- God, people must have been obnoxious back then. 0.99
01:07:56.000 Yeah.
01:07:57.000 Everyone's on coke.
01:07:58.000 It must have been the worst.
01:08:00.000 Coca-Cola actually does have a legal importation of the coca leaf.
01:08:05.000 Still?
01:08:05.000 Yes.
01:08:06.000 Wow.
01:08:07.000 Coca and Coca-Cola, the Coke formula, is one of the most closely guarded corporate secrets in America.
01:08:13.000 The company concedes that using a decocainized flavor essence in the coca leaves is one of the few Coke ingredients the company will publicly acknowledge.
01:08:24.000 So they are using an actual extract of the coca leaf that has no cocaine in it.
01:08:29.000 So I was right.
01:08:30.000 Where's that cocaine going?
01:08:32.000 They're extracting.
01:08:35.000 It all goes to Elton John's house.
01:08:37.000 They're producing all the cocaine in the world.
01:08:39.000 Can you imagine if Coca-Cola turned out to be Scarface, the number one cocaine dealer on earth? 0.90
01:08:48.000 De-extracting cocaine?
01:08:50.000 Where's it going?
01:08:50.000 Well, we're just gonna throw it away.
01:08:52.000 We don't even need it, even though it's worth billions.
01:08:53.000 Yeah, forget that.
01:08:54.000 We don't need that money, okay? 1.00
01:08:56.000 We're here to sell kids sugary shit that makes their teeth rot out. 1.00
01:08:59.000 Joe, we're dead. 1.00
01:08:59.000 We're not gonna walk out of this place. 1.00
01:09:00.000 We're not here to kill anybody.
01:09:02.000 And the guy is actually Dr. Pepper the whole time.
01:09:05.000 He's the Scarface character of the Coca-Cola company.
01:09:08.000 All you need to know about whether or not they would make money off of things like that is who's making money off cigarettes? 0.98
01:09:16.000 Cigarettes are fucking for sure killing almost a half a million people a year in this country alone.
01:09:22.000 Our ideas about intoxication are so bizarre and baffling that somehow or another we think that they are protecting us from something that perturbs our state of consciousness and makes us think about things in a completely different way and possibly even hallucinate. 1.00
01:09:36.000 But some weird surge that you get because of an almost immediate addiction that you've acquired to some stupid fucking burning plant that's soaked in chemicals. 0.97
01:09:46.000 No one even discusses it. 1.00
01:09:48.000 It never comes up.
01:09:50.000 Nope.
01:09:50.000 Not at all.
01:09:50.000 No campaigns ever bring it up.
01:09:53.000 No one ever promises.
01:09:53.000 People are promising bases on the moon.
01:09:56.000 Newt Gingrich got desperate and promised a base on the moon by the time he had a second term.
01:10:01.000 He threw a Hail Mary.
01:10:02.000 It's like base on the moon.
01:10:04.000 No one ever says we need to make cigarettes illegal and save our friends who are dying a horrible death addicted to a terrible chemical that's a sick company is profiting off and we need to re-change the way we look to change the way we look at this terrible, terrible scourge on America.
01:10:22.000 No one, not a single politician would ever make that speech. 1.00
01:10:25.000 And if they did, they'd wind up dead in a fucking hotel room somewhere. 0.97
01:10:27.000 But meanwhile, if anyone running for president said, I think that psilocybin makes you connect with the universe and it makes you love the people around you more and it gives you more of an experience of a full life and reminds you of how small you are and their relation to everything else and you can't really OD on it, so I don't think it should be illegal. 0.99
01:10:49.000 If somebody said that, If a president said that right now, like Santorum said that or somebody said that, they would never get elected.
01:10:56.000 You say that, but I don't agree.
01:10:58.000 The only way they would never get elected is if they would never get elected anyway because elections aren't real.
01:11:03.000 But could they change the public's consciousness?
01:11:06.000 Absolutely.
01:11:07.000 The press would explode.
01:11:07.000 If you've got an eloquent guy, well, there's evidence.
01:11:10.000 John Hopkins, the recent John Hopkins University study that showed that over a 20-year period of time, all these people that took mushrooms just once had a direct change in their personality, an improvement of their personality.
01:11:19.000 Shouldn't be illegal.
01:11:20.000 Of course it shouldn't be illegal, but I think that if someone was eloquent and someone made sense in all other areas, if someone was a bright person, and they can prove it, and prove it in an articulate and eloquent manner where it was compelling, where what they were telling you was that here's what's going on, okay?
01:11:36.000 I know you're all associating drugs with being a negative thing, and the reason for that, it's intelligent to do so.
01:11:43.000 Most drugs, and many, many drugs, can be very negative on your life.
01:11:47.000 However, We've been sold a bill of goods on certain drugs, and certain drugs are actually good for you. 0.98
01:11:54.000 Not only are they good for you, they may be the whole reason we evolved from fucking monkeys in the first place, but we've been lied to. 0.78
01:12:02.000 And the companies that keep us in order right now would like to keep everything the way it is. 0.96
01:12:08.000 The reason being is they're profiting off things being illegal.
01:12:10.000 There's a lot of Profit on drugs being illegal that are illegal currently.
01:12:15.000 It's not as simple as they would just sell them too and then they would make the money.
01:12:20.000 Why wouldn't they make it legal?
01:12:21.000 There's money to be made that will not be available once psychedelic drugs are legal.
01:12:27.000 There's a lot of things that are for sale, especially pharmaceutical drugs.
01:12:32.000 A huge amount that just making marijuana legal would just squash the market for a good percentage of Pain relief and, you know, glaucoma medication reduces interocular pressure.
01:12:45.000 People who have AIDS who can't eat.
01:12:49.000 People on chemotherapy that have a hard time eating.
01:12:52.000 All of that.
01:12:52.000 There's so many drugs that are prescribed for various ailments that literally would be out of business.
01:12:57.000 And so consider this.
01:12:59.000 Take it to the human level. 0.99
01:13:01.000 This is where it gets fucked up.
01:13:03.000 We have access to certain mind states where you can bring back authentic information that can help your life and the life of the people around you and there's a possibility that if enough people were having these mind states there might be an acceleration in technology and acceleration in science and acceleration in philosophy but because we can't get these mind states We can't get these mind states, 0.94
01:13:27.000 things are slow and weird and dumb right now, and the reason we can't get it is so that people can make more money.
01:13:34.000 Okay, well let me play devil's advocate.
01:13:35.000 Please. 0.99
01:13:36.000 First off, there's a lot of people that think that a lot of hippies are fucking mooches, they mooch off the government, they get welfare, they get public aid, they don't want to pull their share, they don't want to pull their own weight. 0.88
01:13:46.000 A lot of people think that these experiences that you say that will benefit people, they say, well, where's this evidence? 0.98
01:13:53.000 Where's the evidence of anybody finding out anything worthwhile on psychedelics?
01:13:58.000 Terrence McKenna?
01:13:59.000 That doesn't mean anything.
01:14:00.000 Francis Crick?
01:14:01.000 Okay, that's a rumor after he died that was released is that he was a deathbed confession that he took LSD. No, he was good friends with Brave New World, Addis Huxley.
01:14:10.000 He was friends with fucking Huxley. 0.99
01:14:11.000 Yeah, that's true. 0.99
01:14:12.000 It's true.
01:14:13.000 Dude, if you were friends with...
01:14:14.000 But him saying, okay, that's true, that he took it, but it doesn't...
01:14:17.000 What the statement is is that he discovered the double helix strand.
01:14:22.000 He figured it out while he was on LSD. That's all anecdotal.
01:14:26.000 That's all deathbed confessions.
01:14:28.000 He never said that anywhere.
01:14:29.000 It's not written anywhere.
01:14:30.000 So just in fairness, I don't think you can directly attribute that to him.
01:14:35.000 I've looked at the sources for that.
01:14:36.000 It's possible that he said that, but I don't think you can state that he said that.
01:14:40.000 I can't.
01:14:41.000 I mean, in a court of law, I can't prove it, but being friends with Aldous Huxley, a man who on his deathbed had himself injected with like 750 micrograms of LSD, being friends with that guy, that's like being friends with you and never having gotten stoned.
01:14:57.000 No, no, no.
01:14:57.000 You're misunderstanding me.
01:14:59.000 Yes, he probably did do LSD. The question is, what did he get out of it?
01:15:04.000 How do you know he didn't just hallucinate?
01:15:06.000 There's no evidence that it helped them in any way.
01:15:12.000 Do you know what I'm saying?
01:15:13.000 It's not like they pulled something out of it.
01:15:14.000 There's nothing on paper.
01:15:15.000 There's nothing you can be like, look here.
01:15:16.000 There is one guy, Carey Mullis.
01:15:19.000 Carey Mullis, he was a Nobel Prize winning chemist.
01:15:23.000 And he said that LSD had helped him develop a polymers chain reaction that helps amplify specific DNA sequences.
01:15:31.000 And he figured that out while it was on acid.
01:15:34.000 Well, there's one.
01:15:34.000 There's one.
01:15:35.000 So there's one.
01:15:36.000 Can you read that again?
01:15:38.000 What he did?
01:15:38.000 Okay, here's the full thing.
01:15:40.000 During a symposium held for Albert Hoffman, Hoffman revealed that he was told by Nobel Prize winning chemist, Kerry Mullis, that LSD had helped him develop the polymers, I hope I'm saying this right, P-O-L-Y-M-E-R-A-S-E, polymers, polymers?
01:15:59.000 Anyway, chain reaction that helps amplify specific DNA sequences.
01:16:03.000 What does that mean?
01:16:04.000 I don't know. 1.00
01:16:04.000 I'm too stupid for that. 1.00
01:16:05.000 But the guy said... 1.00
01:16:08.000 Carey Moss even admitted, what if I had not taken LSD ever?
01:16:12.000 Would I still have invented PCR? That was the method.
01:16:15.000 He says, I don't know.
01:16:16.000 I doubt it.
01:16:17.000 I seriously doubt it.
01:16:18.000 That's what I'm saying, brother. 1.00
01:16:19.000 I'm saying there's a fucking group of people... 1.00
01:16:23.000 Who've got their fucking claws dug into the force of evolution and they're trying to hold it back to make money. 1.00
01:16:29.000 Okay, but of all the people that have done LSD, one fucking guy says he figured one thing out. 1.00
01:16:33.000 I've done an LSD over a hundred times. 0.99
01:16:35.000 I have not learned anything.
01:16:36.000 You are not the best example.
01:16:37.000 Oh yeah, you're not a good example, man.
01:16:39.000 Yeah, but have you learned something?
01:16:41.000 Absolutely!
01:16:41.000 Absolutely.
01:16:42.000 Okay, okay, about yourself.
01:16:43.000 Yes, absolutely.
01:16:44.000 Personal insight.
01:16:45.000 Personal insight about myself.
01:16:47.000 Remember what I'm doing, though.
01:16:49.000 I am playing devil's advocate.
01:16:50.000 I am a Republican with shiny shoes on, with black socks, and, you know, I'm the guy who is telling you that if you buy drugs, you support terrorism.
01:16:59.000 Yeah, no, no, no.
01:17:00.000 You tell me. 0.99
01:17:01.000 One guy, one fucking guy says he invented a PCR method, which you don't even understand why it was on LSD. Okay. 0.99
01:17:06.000 Okay, so we should have LSD legal because one guy invented something?
01:17:09.000 Well, not just LSD. We should have all psychedelics mushrooms as well.
01:17:13.000 Right, but when you start throwing around things...
01:17:15.000 Well, what about the arts?
01:17:16.000 What about the arts, devil's advocate?
01:17:18.000 Again, I'm just...
01:17:18.000 I know, no, I'm not even seeing you now.
01:17:20.000 I'm just seeing Chaney. 0.99
01:17:21.000 What about the fucking arts, man? 0.99
01:17:24.000 What about him, man? 0.99
01:17:25.000 Does that not count for anything?
01:17:26.000 Hey, man!
01:17:27.000 What good LSD art do you know of?
01:17:30.000 What's the best LSD art?
01:17:31.000 Oh, just Jimi Hendrix.
01:17:32.000 Well, okay, Jimi Hendrix is more heroin, wasn't he?
01:17:36.000 Heroin and cocaine?
01:17:37.000 Wasn't he a heroin guy?
01:17:40.000 Purple Haze.
01:17:41.000 That's pot.
01:17:42.000 The song Purple Haze.
01:17:43.000 Isn't that pot? 1.00
01:17:44.000 Dude, Jimi Hendrix was so into fucking LSD. Are you kidding me? 1.00
01:17:47.000 But Purple Haze, is that pot or is that LSD? Well, it is now.
01:17:49.000 It is now, but I don't know.
01:17:50.000 Purple Haze was acid?
01:17:51.000 Back then, I don't know.
01:17:52.000 Well, I'm sure he did acid.
01:17:53.000 Don't get me wrong.
01:17:54.000 But do you think that that's why he was so good?
01:17:56.000 I mean, wasn't he really good when he was a kid?
01:17:58.000 Yeah, I think it helped. 0.99
01:17:58.000 Jimi Hendrix was a badass fucking guitarist. 0.99
01:17:59.000 I think it helped him. 0.99
01:18:00.000 Okay.
01:18:01.000 No, no, Joe, I know you're playing devil's advocate, but...
01:18:04.000 I'm a Republican right now. 0.97
01:18:05.000 First of all, being devil's advocate is the same thing as being friends with a pedophile.
01:18:09.000 I mean, you don't want to be devil's advocate. 0.66
01:18:10.000 It's the worst force in the universe and always represents everything evil and bad and horrible.
01:18:14.000 No, I take the side of an argument that doesn't currently exist at this table because I'm sure some people are screaming it out on Twitter right now.
01:18:20.000 Oh, God.
01:18:20.000 That's what devil's advocate is.
01:18:22.000 Yeah.
01:18:22.000 You know, I think for sure psychedelics can help people, but what I think it is, is I think essentially...
01:18:30.000 We have access to supercomputers and there's no instruction manuals laying around and there's no teachers to teach you how to use these things. 0.91
01:18:37.000 So a lot of people are getting great results and they're all scattered and all over the board and they're mixed in with psychosis and bad trips and a lot of fucking freaky things that have happened to people and they've taken the wrong shit and they got a hold of a fake computer.
01:18:49.000 You know, there's a lot of people that are...
01:18:51.000 And that is because there's a lack of regulation, because there's a lack of understanding, because there's a lack of appreciation for the true effects.
01:18:57.000 As human beings, it is...
01:19:00.000 Absolutely preposterous that so many people will tell you, like this Cary Mullis guy, or whether Francis Crick was telling you the truth, or whether you're telling me the truth, or I'm telling you the truth, or any of us that have had really positive experiences.
01:19:13.000 There's way too many people that are saying that folks can benefit from it for it to stay illegal.
01:19:18.000 The people that are stopping it, they don't make any more sense than us.
01:19:23.000 It's not like they're the really...
01:19:26.000 Wise and cautious and noble and loving overlords that want to protect you from your own folly. 0.97
01:19:33.000 That is not what's going on because they're talking in ignorant statements. 0.98
01:19:37.000 Medically it's ignorance. 0.87
01:19:38.000 There's no evidence to back up what they're saying.
01:19:40.000 There's no reason that it makes sense.
01:19:42.000 And then when you start throwing numbers at their face like the amount of nonviolent drug offenders that are in jail and how preposterous it is that our society exists where a bunch of people are doing what they want to do that doesn't hurt anybody else and someone decides to lock them in a cage for it.
01:19:55.000 Well, that person is...
01:19:57.000 Who's doing more harm? 0.99
01:19:58.000 The guy who's smoking pot or the person who locks him in the fucking cage and destroys their life and does it because it's written on paper somewhere that that's okay. 1.00
01:20:05.000 Well, that guy is the destructive force. 1.00
01:20:07.000 The law becomes the destructive force in society, not the drug.
01:20:11.000 When you say drugs kill people and drugs, drugs are responsible for a million people in jail right now.
01:20:17.000 That's why.
01:20:18.000 Don't do drugs.
01:20:18.000 You won't get locked up.
01:20:19.000 No, no, no!
01:20:20.000 Don't put people in cages because they don't agree with you.
01:20:24.000 Because they like something.
01:20:25.000 They like it so much they're willing to risk freedom because they found themselves in some sort of a situation when they're in an environment that they have no control over whatsoever.
01:20:33.000 They were born into this.
01:20:34.000 They didn't ask to be. 0.99
01:20:35.000 Dropped into this preposterous, illogical, nonsensical, ridiculously lopsided and corrupt society. 0.98
01:20:43.000 And you just accept them to comply. 1.00
01:20:45.000 You just expect them to comply with these stupid fucking things that are written down on paper that everybody knows makes no sense. 1.00
01:20:52.000 Well, that's the problem. 1.00
01:20:54.000 The laws are the problem.
01:20:56.000 The laws are destructive.
01:20:58.000 The laws are anti-evolutionary.
01:21:00.000 The laws are anti-enlightenment.
01:21:03.000 That's the problem.
01:21:04.000 It's not the drug.
01:21:05.000 It's not pot.
01:21:05.000 It's not mushrooms.
01:21:06.000 It's the laws against pot and mushrooms.
01:21:08.000 Those are a devastating aspect of our society.
01:21:11.000 Those are. 1.00
01:21:12.000 Not the fucking drugs, you dummies. 1.00
01:21:14.000 Dummies. 1.00
01:21:15.000 Missed it. 0.99
01:21:15.000 You missed the whole thing. 0.99
01:21:16.000 You're not protecting anybody, you fucks. 1.00
01:21:18.000 And anybody that hasn't done drugs, if you haven't done mushrooms, fucking for sure you shouldn't be a cop. 1.00
01:21:23.000 No way, man. 0.99
01:21:24.000 You're gonna be in position of power with a gun and making decisions and you've never done any mushrooms at all.
01:21:28.000 You've never had any look at yourself through the eyes of alien intelligence. 0.91
01:21:33.000 You've never had some objective outside the body experience analyzing all the shitty aspects of your own life. 1.00
01:21:40.000 How the fuck are you How are you growing? 1.00
01:21:41.000 How are you developing? 1.00
01:21:42.000 Are you crawling along and one little stumble after another and one little apology after another and one little break up and make up cycle after another after another where you scream insults at each other and then say, I'm sorry baby, it'll never happen again, I've learned my lesson. 0.93
01:21:56.000 Is that what you're learning about yourself from your shitty lonely nights eating TV dinners?
01:22:01.000 Hoping that your chick's gonna return your pager, or your text message rather, so you can pager. 0.98
01:22:05.000 Pager?
01:22:06.000 That was preposterous.
01:22:08.000 It was preposterous.
01:22:09.000 But that's what I'm saying.
01:22:10.000 Getting someone to respond to you. 1.00
01:22:11.000 Because you realize that being a cunt makes people not like you anymore. 1.00
01:22:16.000 So that's how you grow it. 1.00
01:22:17.000 Instead of seeing it in one big burst, all leaders, all cops, all teachers, All of them should have a psychedelic experience, or they don't know what the fuck they're talking about. 0.99
01:22:27.000 As a grown adult, if you haven't had a psychedelic experience, I look at you like you're some sort of an infant. 0.99
01:22:33.000 You do.
01:22:34.000 I look at you like you're infantile. 0.73
01:22:36.000 It's like a form of illiteracy.
01:22:37.000 Yeah, it is like a form of awareness illiteracy.
01:22:42.000 Yeah, that's a great way to put it, man.
01:22:45.000 Awareness illiteracy.
01:22:46.000 And it's sad that for some reason they're keeping so many people illiterate, but it's the practice...
01:22:52.000 Well, they are illiterate.
01:22:52.000 That's why they're doing it.
01:22:53.000 They are suffering under their own control and their own, or most of them are. 0.99
01:22:58.000 I mean, there's a Texas judge who just got arrested for fucking smoking weed. 0.99
01:23:01.000 Oh, really? 0.99
01:23:02.000 Yeah.
01:23:02.000 Somebody turned him in in a hotel room.
01:23:04.000 You know what, man?
01:23:04.000 Just fired him.
01:23:05.000 It's fucked up. 0.99
01:23:06.000 I think things are going to change, man. 0.99
01:23:07.000 I mean, they're like...
01:23:08.000 No, they've been saying that since the 30s.
01:23:09.000 But they're letting the studies happen again.
01:23:10.000 And if they're letting the studies happen again, there's some reason behind that.
01:23:14.000 I mean, the studies are happening.
01:23:15.000 They're allowing them to happen for the first time.
01:23:17.000 And I think 30 or 40 years, they're opening them up against it.
01:23:20.000 This government is dangerously suppressive.
01:23:22.000 Dangerously suppressive.
01:23:23.000 And not so much with civil liberties, like, or rather, with medical marijuana and things along those lines.
01:23:28.000 But that's because it's democratic.
01:23:30.000 When the ball goes in the opposite court, think about how much power has been given to the government under this democratic regime. 0.95
01:23:36.000 If we got another Bush, Cheney in office and they started cracking down like John Ashcroft did on the medical marijuana places and using Blackwater to come in mercenaries with fucking machine guns on their hips and taking all the pot and money away. 0.99
01:23:47.000 If that shit starts happening again... 0.99
01:23:50.000 Think about how much power Obama has given the government. 1.00
01:23:53.000 It's ridiculous. 0.99
01:23:54.000 It's really disgusting and preposterous. 0.98
01:23:57.000 I mean, if you look at the Huffington Post, there's an article by this guy named Jim Garrison And it's martial law by executive order, not to be confused with Jim Garrison, that thought that Lee Harvey Oswald didn't kill Kennedy. 0.74
01:24:10.000 Remember that guy, the prosecutor?
01:24:13.000 Anyway, this Obama, you know, he passed the National Defense Organization, the NDAA. There's a new executive order called the National Defense Resources Preparedness Executive Order.
01:24:29.000 And it does to the country as a whole what the 2012 National Defense Authorization Act did to the Constitution in particular.
01:24:36.000 Completely eviscerates any due process or judicial oversight for any action by the government deemed in the interest of national security.
01:24:43.000 So they can just say something.
01:24:44.000 It's national security.
01:24:45.000 Essentially we're under martial law.
01:24:47.000 Like, they can just say, it's up to the government now.
01:24:49.000 All the checks and balances that were put in place by the Constitution to ensure that there would be no corruption, there would be no ultimate power corrupting ultimately. 0.99
01:24:59.000 Well, they've removed all that shit. 0.99
01:25:01.000 And, you know, right now, everybody's like, look, but you're fine. 0.99
01:25:04.000 No one's dying.
01:25:05.000 Nothing's happening.
01:25:06.000 The people that you say yes to today may not be the people you say yes to 10 years from now or 20 years from now.
01:25:11.000 And these laws are crazy. 0.98
01:25:13.000 These laws are that we might as well be living in fucking North Korea and that's not ridiculous. 0.99
01:25:18.000 That's not an exaggeration. 0.99
01:25:19.000 These are unconstitutional laws.
01:25:21.000 And they're not going to stop now.
01:25:23.000 They're going to go more and more and with more and more control Until ultimately, the government, which has, by the way, approved the idea of sending drones.
01:25:32.000 I think it was 2020. They're going to have 30,000 drones in the sky above North America.
01:25:41.000 Constantly watching everything you do.
01:25:43.000 Well, have you seen that YouTube video of the swarms of quadricopters?
01:25:47.000 Have you seen that?
01:25:48.000 No.
01:25:49.000 Dude, look that up. 0.54
01:25:49.000 Google quadricopters. 0.54
01:25:51.000 Pull it up, Brian. 0.99
01:25:52.000 Holy shit, man. 0.99
01:25:53.000 What is it? 0.99
01:25:54.000 So there are these things called quadricopters that they're working on that are just like...
01:25:58.000 Exactly like the toys that you see, but much smaller. 1.00
01:26:01.000 These fucking things, man. 1.00
01:26:03.000 They can like... 1.00
01:26:03.000 They move in formation. 1.00
01:26:05.000 It's this video of them flying in formation.
01:26:07.000 Just this swarm of tiny little nano...
01:26:09.000 Or tiny quadricopters.
01:26:11.000 They can like...
01:26:12.000 They can like...
01:26:13.000 Turn sideways to go through windows.
01:26:15.000 They can go anywhere, man. 0.98
01:26:17.000 But the scary thing that I never considered was that they can fucking fly in formation. 0.98
01:26:22.000 That's where it gets weird. 0.98
01:26:24.000 When you imagine just seeing a swarm of these things descending around your house.
01:26:30.000 Checking you out on the street.
01:26:31.000 You're just walking down the street and they come in like buzzing. 1.00
01:26:34.000 Do a quick facial scan to get your fucking face. 0.99
01:26:37.000 Match it up with like whatever Facebook's doing. 1.00
01:26:40.000 Bang! 1.00
01:26:40.000 They know where you are constantly. 1.00
01:26:42.000 They know where you live.
01:26:42.000 They know where you're moving.
01:26:44.000 Yeah, so privacy is a...
01:26:46.000 It's an escaping thing.
01:26:47.000 It's on its way out.
01:26:48.000 But the problem is the government. 0.95
01:26:50.000 These cunts that are running things are going to have so much more power than the average citizen. 1.00
01:26:53.000 We're going to be under the rule of an oppressive government that has the law on their side because they changed all the fucking paper. 1.00
01:26:59.000 They changed all the stupid shit that's written down that allows them to do cunty things. 1.00
01:27:03.000 They changed it all and they put it all in their defense. 1.00
01:27:05.000 And essentially what they did is the United States is now under martial law.
01:27:09.000 But there's no emergency.
01:27:10.000 No emergency.
01:27:11.000 It doesn't have to have a national emergency to just be under martial law now.
01:27:14.000 We're just under martial law.
01:27:16.000 Why?
01:27:17.000 Why is that? 1.00
01:27:18.000 What the fuck is going on? 0.99
01:27:20.000 Part of it has got to be because they're losing control. 1.00
01:27:22.000 That's got to be part of it. 0.97
01:27:23.000 They feel like the internet and, you know, all this anonymous shit and the hackers and Occupy. 0.97
01:27:27.000 It's like, what is this? 0.98
01:27:30.000 Spell it out for them.
01:27:31.000 Tell them what it is.
01:27:32.000 I think it's Q-U-A-D-R-A Copter. 1.00
01:27:36.000 That's what it is.
01:27:38.000 Quadrocopter Swarm.
01:27:40.000 Maybe someone will tweet it.
01:27:41.000 Someone tweeted it to me.
01:27:42.000 It freaked me out for a week.
01:27:44.000 I showed it to Eddie Bravo at the UFC and his face went white. 1.00
01:27:48.000 He just was like, what the fuck? 1.00
01:27:50.000 Swarm of nanoquadros? 1.00
01:27:52.000 That's it.
01:27:52.000 That's it.
01:27:52.000 It's nanoquadrators.
01:27:55.000 Yeah, there we go. 1.00
01:27:56.000 Oh, shit. 1.00
01:27:57.000 Look at that. 1.00
01:27:57.000 Just watch. 1.00
01:27:58.000 It gets better. 1.00
01:27:59.000 That's just one of these fucking things. 1.00
01:28:01.000 Get ready, man. 1.00
01:28:01.000 Those things are probably going to eat your baby one day. 1.00
01:28:06.000 Ooh, that sound.
01:28:07.000 When you hear that sound, you know you're about to get busted.
01:28:16.000 Whoa.
01:28:17.000 They just fly around and maneuver.
01:28:20.000 Multiple vehicles can fly as a formation.
01:28:25.000 Oh my god.
01:28:27.000 That's really cool.
01:28:29.000 Dude, this is terrifying.
01:28:31.000 Gross, it's gonna sound like NASCAR all over the place.
01:28:35.000 We developed a method to transition between formations in 3D. Folks, you have to see this because what you're not seeing is these guys are moving in perfect geometrical patterns.
01:29:01.000 They move in these formations and they're showing it from overhead and it's amazing.
01:29:07.000 Their precision is incredible.
01:29:09.000 This is terrifying.
01:29:10.000 And by the way, this is only, like, version 1. You know, this is like the first iPhone.
01:29:14.000 Wait till they get smaller, man.
01:29:15.000 Wait till they get smaller.
01:29:17.000 This is incredible.
01:29:18.000 I wonder how long they can stay in the air for.
01:29:19.000 Oh, my God.
01:29:20.000 Look at that.
01:29:21.000 They're moving in a figure 8. A perfect figure 8. Oh, my God.
01:29:25.000 This is spectacular.
01:29:27.000 This is really scary stuff. 1.00
01:29:29.000 Scary shit, man. 1.00
01:29:30.000 Now look at them building. 1.00
01:29:31.000 Look up quadrocopter building a structure. 1.00
01:29:35.000 They can build shit, man. 1.00
01:29:37.000 They can actually pick shit up and start gluing it. 1.00
01:29:41.000 They can actually build structures. 0.96
01:29:43.000 That's amazing.
01:29:43.000 That's what Kurzweil was talking about, man.
01:29:45.000 Because when those things shrink down enough so that they can... 1.00
01:29:48.000 Imagine just a pile of fucking Legos and a shitload of those fucking things. 0.99
01:29:53.000 And they could actually form matter. 1.00
01:29:55.000 That's where it gets really cool.
01:29:57.000 Jesus Christ.
01:29:57.000 Think about that, forming matter.
01:30:00.000 That's where it gets weird when you've got a computer directing swarms of those things to construct architecture that humans couldn't even make, you know, like weird fucking geometries that can only happen when a computer is in control of the building process. 0.99
01:30:14.000 If it ever gets to that point, it might be that you just start fucking killing people. 0.98
01:30:18.000 Well, that's a funny thing, man. 0.99
01:30:19.000 People always say that about computers where they're like, they're just going to kill us.
01:30:22.000 But I guess it's, I don't think it's going to be the computers.
01:30:24.000 It would be the things controlling them.
01:30:27.000 Like people automatically assume when the machine inevitably wakes up, it's going to want to kill us.
01:30:33.000 Well, we're a plague. 0.99
01:30:35.000 If it looked at the environment it's living in and realized that this massive overpopulating entity that's spilling all its bullshit into the sea and eating all the fucking animals that live in it, and then they'll just calculate, how long can this last? 0.99
01:30:47.000 Well, it can't at this rate. 1.00
01:30:48.000 So they'll just start eating the cunts. 0.98
01:30:50.000 No, man. 1.00
01:30:51.000 I don't think that's how it fucking works. 0.99
01:30:52.000 Maybe it would be great. 1.00
01:30:53.000 Maybe we would eliminate cunts. 1.00
01:30:55.000 No, I don't even... 1.00
01:30:56.000 Just pull people out of the sky. 0.99
01:30:58.000 Cunts just get sucked out of the sky. 0.99
01:31:00.000 They're watching. 1.00
01:31:01.000 They're watching everything. 1.00
01:31:02.000 The machines are watching everything, and when you litter, and when you're a shithead, and when you beat your wife, you just get sucked out of the sky. 1.00
01:31:09.000 You get downvoted. 1.00
01:31:10.000 Yeah, you get a certain number of negatives.
01:31:12.000 Downvotes, like on Reddit.
01:31:13.000 If you get, as a person, a certain number of downvotes, they carry you into space.
01:31:17.000 Yeah, your rep points.
01:31:18.000 You get blocked by a certain amount of people.
01:31:20.000 Yeah, blocked.
01:31:21.000 Is this them building this thing?
01:31:23.000 Yeah.
01:31:23.000 Oh my god, this is incredible.
01:31:25.000 It's like Wally shit. 0.99
01:31:26.000 Well, the thing that they're building is this enormous Lego building that's really cool looking. 0.99
01:31:32.000 Those blocks have glue on them or something. 0.99
01:31:35.000 And by the way, this is just the beginning of that shit. 0.99
01:31:38.000 That didn't exist 20 years ago. 0.99
01:31:41.000 There was no hope of that 20 years ago.
01:31:43.000 20 years from now, But dude, check this out.
01:31:46.000 Have you ever seen the video of that there's a machine that you can take to the desert that someone made?
01:31:51.000 It's solar powered because there's so much energy and it focuses the energy of the sun in the desert to turn sand into blocks.
01:31:58.000 It can burn sand into blocks.
01:32:01.000 So now imagine this. 0.99
01:32:03.000 Combine those fucking things with solar panels and a thing that can use an infinite amount of sand in the desert to make blocks. 1.00
01:32:10.000 Those things could fly out in the fucking desert and make infinitely gigantic structures with endless fucking energy. 0.99
01:32:17.000 Just the combination of those two technologies at the rudimentary level that they're at now if we could fucking figure out how to make them solar powered. 0.98
01:32:23.000 Yeah, solar is really interesting.
01:32:25.000 It's hit a wall in a lot of ways.
01:32:28.000 What are you doing?
01:32:29.000 I googled solar power sand blocks and it came up with Minecraft. 0.99
01:32:35.000 Solar power is not really strong enough for a lot of shit right now. 0.96
01:32:38.000 Most people can't have all their electricity through solar power. 0.98
01:32:42.000 A lot of people use...
01:32:43.000 I have a friend who uses a combination of solar and wind.
01:32:46.000 And he actually develops enough from...
01:32:48.000 He lives in Oregon.
01:32:49.000 He develops enough from that that he actually sells it back to the grid.
01:32:53.000 Which I don't understand.
01:32:54.000 That's so strange.
01:32:55.000 How do you do that?
01:32:56.000 I don't understand it.
01:32:57.000 Yeah, I don't get it.
01:32:58.000 How do you, what, sell electricity back?
01:32:59.000 He sells it back.
01:33:00.000 They pay him.
01:33:01.000 Yeah, there's a meter on it that regulates it going in, but you can also have it fitted so it regulates how much it's going out.
01:33:06.000 Yeah, so he adds, you know, so the local power plant or whatever is supplying them.
01:33:10.000 Power doesn't have to work as hard. 0.96
01:33:12.000 That's so fucking weird, man. 0.99
01:33:13.000 Crazy. 0.99
01:33:14.000 That you can turn wind into money.
01:33:15.000 Well, have you ever been, there's certain parts of California where we have filmed some fear factors where they have these...
01:33:22.000 These huge, like, they look like a farm of these wind things, these windmills, like a windmill farm.
01:33:28.000 And there's a shitload of them just sitting up on a hill.
01:33:31.000 And they power the area. 0.98
01:33:33.000 I don't know how much they power, how many structures, how many buildings, but it's enough that a lot of shit is getting powered by the wind.
01:33:41.000 Yeah, it's really a trip well, it's really windy out there too So it's it's a smart thing to do like even as you come like out here towards Pasadena and you head up to 210 Yeah When you go through that whole mountainy passy area where it's like you lose your cell phone signal fucking beautiful out there Yep windy as fuck a lot of people have like real wind problems even out here like remember when It they had a problem really recently the wind knocked down a lot of power cables and past you know Yeah, Pasadena got fucked by wind. 0.95
01:34:09.000 I got trapped here. 0.98
01:34:09.000 I couldn't even leave the place. 0.98
01:34:11.000 Fuck. 1.00
01:34:11.000 Why? 1.00
01:34:12.000 Wind?
01:34:12.000 From the wind, it was too bad.
01:34:13.000 Seriously, the street out front here was trees flying down the street, things flying off the roofs, like metal things and awnings and poles.
01:34:22.000 So you stayed in the studio?
01:34:24.000 I couldn't even get to my car.
01:34:25.000 Wow.
01:34:26.000 It was too scary, man. 1.00
01:34:27.000 Holy shit. 1.00
01:34:28.000 It was deadly outside. 1.00
01:34:29.000 It was like being in a tornado.
01:34:30.000 Wow.
01:34:31.000 No.
01:34:32.000 No, seriously, it was really bad.
01:34:34.000 Nothing like a tornado.
01:34:36.000 Next time you go out in this back door over here, look at the billboard.
01:34:39.000 This billboard was just ripping apart, and it was like this super old billboard, and it was shaking like this, and things were just flying off of it. 0.98
01:34:46.000 That's really powerful, but it's nothing like a fucking tornado. 0.69
01:34:50.000 There's been tornadoes that were hit or hit cities in the middle of the night and literally made the city disappear. 0.99
01:34:56.000 Especially towns, like small towns in the middle of nowhere.
01:34:59.000 You know what?
01:34:59.000 They say that the heat of cities actually prevents tornadoes.
01:35:03.000 It's just all the structure and the way it's built and the heat coming off of it apparently doesn't work in cities. 0.95
01:35:09.000 Do you believe any of that weather control shit they talk about? 0.96
01:35:13.000 What's the name of that? 0.99
01:35:14.000 Kim Charles?
01:35:15.000 Yeah, man.
01:35:17.000 You need Eddie Bravo on here for this conversation.
01:35:19.000 Do you believe in that?
01:35:20.000 They've been trying to actually...
01:35:22.000 I know they do it in China, don't they?
01:35:24.000 They've been playing around trying to make it rain, and you can put certain particles into the air that actually makes it rain.
01:35:32.000 Well, they're for sure doing that.
01:35:34.000 Silver oxide or something?
01:35:35.000 Yeah.
01:35:36.000 Some kind of weird...
01:35:37.000 Yeah.
01:35:37.000 Well, they for sure have done that in Abu Dhabi.
01:35:41.000 They did it more than 50 times last year.
01:35:43.000 I think they did it once a week last year.
01:35:45.000 They made it rain.
01:35:46.000 Yeah.
01:35:46.000 I don't remember what the exact chemical they use, but there's something where they can line the clouds with something silver.
01:35:54.000 I don't remember what it is. 0.99
01:35:55.000 But they line the clouds with this shit, and it makes it rain. 0.99
01:35:59.000 So it's so odd to think about... 0.99
01:36:01.000 Nickel?
01:36:01.000 Nickel, I don't know.
01:36:03.000 But it's really fucking odd to think about the fact that they're just starting to learn to control the weather. 0.96
01:36:09.000 They're just starting to learn to control the weather. 0.96
01:36:11.000 They're just starting to learn to have endless amounts of energy.
01:36:15.000 So if we were to evolve and advance without blowing each other up, we could eventually be a planet that has full control of its weather patterns.
01:36:25.000 Cloud seeding can actually be done by ground generators.
01:36:29.000 A plane or it can be done by a rocket.
01:36:33.000 Weird.
01:36:34.000 Yeah.
01:36:35.000 Wow.
01:36:36.000 Silver iodide, dry ice, solid carbon dioxide.
01:36:43.000 Wow.
01:36:43.000 That Pasadena storm was 80 miles per hour.
01:36:47.000 A F1 tornado is 73 miles per hour.
01:36:50.000 So it's pretty close.
01:36:51.000 It's faster than an F1. What?
01:36:53.000 Yeah.
01:36:53.000 It's how fast?
01:36:55.000 F1 starts at 73 miles per hour and that Pasadena storm is 80 miles per hour.
01:36:59.000 Oh, I thought you had them reversed.
01:37:00.000 So it's faster than a tornado?
01:37:02.000 It was like an F1 tornado.
01:37:04.000 Really?
01:37:05.000 Yeah.
01:37:06.000 That doesn't even make sense.
01:37:07.000 Well, there's different levels of tornadoes. 0.99
01:37:09.000 Oh, so there's like bitch-ass tornadoes that don't even kill anybody? 1.00
01:37:11.000 Well, not really. 1.00
01:37:12.000 Bitch-ass. 1.00
01:37:13.000 That would make them good tornadoes. 1.00
01:37:15.000 That's a good tornado, Joe.
01:37:17.000 Yeah.
01:37:17.000 Wow.
01:37:18.000 Yeah, it's like the beginning of a hurricane winds.
01:37:20.000 They've even used liquid propane to make it rain.
01:37:25.000 Expands into a gas.
01:37:27.000 It's also been used.
01:37:27.000 This can produce ice crystals at higher temperatures than silver iodide.
01:37:32.000 The use of...
01:37:35.000 Hygroscopic materials such as salt is becoming more popular after promising research.
01:37:40.000 Citation needed.
01:37:41.000 Seeding of cows requires that they contain supercooled liquid water.
01:37:45.000 That is that liquid water colder than zero degrees Celsius.
01:37:48.000 The introduction of a substance such as silver iodide, which has crystalline structure similar to that of ice, will induce freezing nucleation.
01:37:57.000 Dry ice or propane expansion cools the air to such an extent that the ice crystals can nucleate Spontaneously from the vapor phase Wow, this is crazy dude in the future people are terrified dude in the fucking future you might be able to send your name your personal nanobots swarm out of your house into the clouds above your house and make a little personal thundershower happen above your house and Yeah, you probably will be able to.
01:38:22.000 That's how much we're gonna...
01:38:23.000 But it probably pulls water from farmers, you know?
01:38:25.000 It's probably like...
01:38:26.000 I mean, where does that...
01:38:28.000 Like when you go to a place like Abu Dhabi, which is in the desert, and all of a sudden they're making it rain, what are they doing?
01:38:34.000 Where's that water coming from? 0.97
01:38:35.000 Is somebody else getting fucked over? 0.99
01:38:37.000 I don't know. 0.99
01:38:38.000 But anyway, does that other person deserve that water? 0.99
01:38:40.000 I mean, who fucking deserves the water? 0.88
01:38:42.000 The smart man who figures out how to pull it out of the sky? 1.00
01:38:44.000 Or some shithead who just camps out next to it and is like, this is my water! 0.99
01:38:48.000 Hope I get lucky! 0.99
01:38:49.000 This is where my water is.
01:38:52.000 It's only mine.
01:38:53.000 I found this spot in the dirt and I claim it.
01:38:56.000 Yeah.
01:38:57.000 No, I think the guy who pulls it out of the sky should win.
01:38:59.000 For sure. 1.00
01:38:59.000 Fuck that stupid car. 1.00
01:39:00.000 Well, anyone who can make it rain. 1.00
01:39:01.000 Sitting next to the puddle.
01:39:02.000 Yeah.
01:39:03.000 So, there is some cloud seeding.
01:39:06.000 It's real.
01:39:07.000 It's science. 0.99
01:39:08.000 Whether or not that shit is happening in Burbank every day, like Eddie Bravo thinks it is. 0.99
01:39:12.000 Right. 1.00
01:39:13.000 Right.
01:39:13.000 Yeah, that's why it gets tricky.
01:39:15.000 That's not it.
01:39:16.000 Yeah.
01:39:16.000 What do you think it is?
01:39:18.000 Fucking airplanes. 1.00
01:39:19.000 That's all it is. 1.00
01:39:20.000 Contrails.
01:39:21.000 I mean, it's funny because it's always near an airport.
01:39:23.000 Like, I live in Burbank.
01:39:24.000 I see it all the time because I live by Burbank.
01:39:26.000 Well, that's because, dude, you don't even understand.
01:39:28.000 That's the government is spraying the sky.
01:39:30.000 Who are the pilots?
01:39:31.000 I just want to know who the pilots are.
01:39:32.000 So there are these pilots who are flying over the city and they're like, let's dump poison on people.
01:39:36.000 I don't think they're doing it for the good of the country.
01:39:38.000 They think they're creating clouds for us.
01:39:40.000 I don't think they're doing it as much as people.
01:39:42.000 Go make clouds, Johnny.
01:39:44.000 The insurance companies have to pay money on skin cancer, and it's way cheaper if we have clouds everywhere.
01:39:50.000 We've got to cover it up.
01:39:52.000 We don't want sunburns to happen.
01:39:53.000 I think what I've read and what's been explained to me by pilots is that under certain conditions, there's a certain amount of moisture in the air, and it gets churned up in the turbines of a jet engine, and it comes out looking like clouds, and it stays in the sky for a while.
01:40:08.000 It's churned up water. 0.97
01:40:09.000 Can I tell you what the real fucking conspiracy is? 0.99
01:40:11.000 Please do. 0.99
01:40:12.000 I figured it out.
01:40:13.000 Oh my god.
01:40:14.000 It's the conspiracy of all conspiracies.
01:40:16.000 What is? 1.00
01:40:17.000 It's your inability to stop your hand from putting shit into your mouth. 1.00
01:40:22.000 That's the conspiracy, dude. 1.00
01:40:23.000 It's the fact that people can't control their fucking hand and are always shoving poison into their mouth and eating shitty things and smoking shitty things and taking bad pills. 0.99
01:40:34.000 I thought this was going to be profound. 0.99
01:40:35.000 I feel like that is profound, man.
01:40:37.000 I can remember talking to a guy who believed in chemtrails.
01:40:40.000 Have some discipline.
01:40:42.000 Well, that's what I'm saying.
01:40:43.000 I was talking to a guy who believed in chemtrails, and he was smoking a cigarette while he was telling me about the poisons that the government's dumping.
01:40:52.000 Oh, yeah.
01:40:52.000 Well, Michael Rupert.
01:40:53.000 We had Michael Rupert in here.
01:40:54.000 He's smoking like crazy.
01:40:55.000 Talking about conspiracies.
01:40:56.000 Alex Jones smokes.
01:40:58.000 You're poisoning yourself, man! 1.00
01:41:00.000 You're killing yourself! 1.00
01:41:02.000 Like, maybe there is some kind of, like, evil external force that's trying to destroy you, but really, you're the one shoveling the poison into your fucking, into your pie hole. 1.00
01:41:11.000 Yeah, for sure it's gonna kill you. 1.00
01:41:13.000 You're aiding them by bringing these troops into your body, saying, one day I'm gonna fight them off, but not now. 1.00
01:41:18.000 Right now, I just need this fucking Sig to try to figure out how to beat these motherfuckers. 1.00
01:41:23.000 Time for my fourth cupcake. 1.00
01:41:25.000 Oh, this is good.
01:41:26.000 Gonna drink.
01:41:27.000 Let's have 17 beers today.
01:41:30.000 Well, again, I think it comes back to what we were talking about earlier about the Native Americans having a much better sense of their connection with the food that they're eating.
01:41:37.000 And that, for us, that whole hunter-gatherer thing is out the window.
01:41:40.000 I go to the Vons and I pick up meat and I go to the...
01:41:44.000 Get myself a nice salad, and that's it.
01:41:46.000 I didn't have to pick anything.
01:41:47.000 I didn't have to go get my water in bottles because all the water is poison.
01:41:52.000 You can't drink it.
01:41:53.000 People die occasionally.
01:41:54.000 Yeah, totally, dude.
01:41:55.000 It's just so funny, though, that so many people writhing in physical discomfort because they're too fat, or they don't exercise, or they don't eat right, are upset about a conspiracy that the government is involved in that's trying...
01:42:10.000 To take away their happiness or their freedom or dumb them down.
01:42:15.000 It's like, no, no, no.
01:42:16.000 You don't exercise.
01:42:18.000 You eat at McDonald's.
01:42:20.000 You smoke cigarettes. 1.00
01:42:21.000 Your house is fucking filthy. 1.00
01:42:23.000 That's the shit you should worry about first. 1.00
01:42:25.000 Fix that conspiracy. 1.00
01:42:27.000 Solve that problem. 0.99
01:42:28.000 Stop that conspiracy from happening and then worry about the fucking chemtrails. 0.99
01:42:32.000 Yeah. 0.99
01:42:33.000 I've been obsessed lately with this Finding Bigfoot show. 1.00
01:42:36.000 I've been watching this show left and right and it leads me to sometimes stone tweets in the middle of the night mocking them and everybody and myself and how fucking stupid I am for watching this show. 0.95
01:42:48.000 It is a psychological study, and one of the psychological studies is who are these people that are believing in Bigfoot? 0.98
01:42:55.000 Who are these people that are leading these guys?
01:42:58.000 And this is what we saw, and we're standing here, and it comes out, and they never ask these dudes.
01:43:04.000 They never go, okay, what do you think about ghosts?
01:43:08.000 Right.
01:43:09.000 Do you believe in UFOs?
01:43:11.000 Yeah.
01:43:11.000 What about psychics?
01:43:13.000 Do you, you know, how do you feel about, you know, what do you think?
01:43:17.000 Do you think chemtrails are real?
01:43:19.000 Right.
01:43:19.000 Like, what do you think happened in Area 51?
01:43:21.000 What do you think is in Hangar 18? 1.00
01:43:24.000 Get to the bottom of what the messenger is, because a lot of times the messenger who's giving you this really crazy, preposterous, outrageous story They lean towards that shit. 1.00
01:43:39.000 They want that shit to be real. 0.99
01:43:41.000 They might not even be lying. 1.00
01:43:43.000 But they might be just seeing shit in the woods just because they're fucking wired for that. 1.00
01:43:49.000 They want to see it. 1.00
01:43:50.000 They want to believe.
01:43:51.000 They want to. 0.99
01:43:52.000 And they can't be fucking trusted. 0.99
01:43:53.000 When they go to these... 1.00
01:43:54.000 Finding Bigfoot, they go to these local town halls and shit. 0.99
01:43:57.000 They go, alright, who here has seen a Sasquatch? 1.00
01:43:59.000 And these motherfuckers raise their hands. 1.00
01:44:01.000 And I'm like, you assholes are missing the whole real show. 1.00
01:44:06.000 The whole real show, it can't be done by them because they are the people that they're... 1.00
01:44:13.000 The whole real show is a bunch of fucking people that want to believe in Bigfoot so bad. 0.99
01:44:18.000 They're out in the woods. 1.00
01:44:18.000 That's a squash. 1.00
01:44:19.000 That was definitely a squash. 0.97
01:44:20.000 They yell out. 1.00
01:44:25.000 They're yelling out in the fucking woods, screaming at the top of their lungs. 1.00
01:44:28.000 And then they hear something. 1.00
01:44:29.000 Do you hear that?
01:44:30.000 Hear something knock?
01:44:31.000 Something's knocking.
01:44:32.000 They hear like...
01:44:33.000 Who knows what?
01:44:35.000 It could be a producer throwing a rock.
01:44:37.000 That's a squash.
01:44:38.000 That's definitely a squash. 0.80
01:44:39.000 This is squash country.
01:44:40.000 That's a squash.
01:44:41.000 What else do you believe in, dude?
01:44:43.000 What do you do at night when you go to bed?
01:44:46.000 What is going on in your mind?
01:44:47.000 What are you hoping for?
01:44:48.000 Do you believe in aliens?
01:44:50.000 What do you believe?
01:44:51.000 Do you believe in ghosts?
01:44:52.000 Do you believe in vampires?
01:44:53.000 Are vampires real? 1.00
01:44:54.000 How much other crazy shit do you believe in? 1.00
01:44:57.000 I think that... 1.00
01:44:59.000 It's more logical to believe in aliens than to believe in Bigfoot.
01:45:03.000 Not necessarily.
01:45:05.000 Bigfoot is a, first of all, Jane Goodall was a firm believer in Bigfoot and actually stated that, you know, the famous primate expert stated that it must be real.
01:45:12.000 That there's too many sightings of the same animal all over the world and it is very possible that there is enough area that hasn't been discovered or is too densely wooded that it support a large primate like that if it was intelligent and new to hide from people.
01:45:26.000 There's 250 different names for it in North America, in the American Indian language. 0.71
01:45:31.000 That's big, because there's not a lot of shit that's not real that they don't have names for. 0.98
01:45:34.000 And it's based on a real animal. 0.99
01:45:36.000 We're going to get a guy in here that's a fucking expert on it, which means nothing. 0.98
01:45:40.000 What does that mean? 0.99
01:45:40.000 I'm an expert on some shit that's probably not real anymore. 0.99
01:45:44.000 Gigantopithecus, right? 0.99
01:45:44.000 This is going to be great, because I'm a Loch Ness monster. 0.99
01:45:47.000 You are?
01:45:48.000 Of California, yeah.
01:45:48.000 Of California?
01:45:49.000 Did you get a license for that?
01:45:52.000 No, I have Photoshop. 0.81
01:45:54.000 If you look at the stories that have gone back to a long, long fucking time in history, for sure some people saw bears, they shit their pants, they thought it was a person, and they made up a story. 0.59
01:46:05.000 For sure, sometimes people remember things. 0.94
01:46:08.000 In our own lives we know this.
01:46:10.000 My mom is terrible at remembering things that really happened.
01:46:14.000 I'll tell my mom something, that didn't happen.
01:46:16.000 I know it happened.
01:46:17.000 I was there.
01:46:18.000 I remember it.
01:46:19.000 For sure it happened.
01:46:20.000 But she will swear.
01:46:22.000 I mean, you show her pictures of it, and she'll go, huh.
01:46:24.000 Well, I don't remember that.
01:46:25.000 When we did that game show in my head show, and I told you we got people to talk about UFOs, got them to make up a UFO story because we pretended to be a news guy that had gotten there too late.
01:46:36.000 Would you mind pretending that you saw the UFO? People just started talking, man.
01:46:41.000 Just so excited they were going to get on television.
01:46:47.000 people trouncing through the woods.
01:46:49.000 I'm looking at a bunch of people that are lonely.
01:46:51.000 They don't have any real purpose in their life. 0.99
01:46:53.000 These people that don't have real good friends, this one weird guy with his poor fucking kid and his kid was like, my dad might be crazy sitting here talking about we saw Bigfoot What the fuck did we really see? 1.00
01:47:06.000 My dad's a liar. 1.00
01:47:07.000 My dad's claiming we saw Bigfoot and then the kids sort of lying along with it. 0.99
01:47:11.000 You can watch them.
01:47:11.000 You look at the insincerity in their words.
01:47:14.000 They had a guy on the other day just gay as fuck. 1.00
01:47:17.000 Just beyond gay. 1.00
01:47:19.000 Just a crazy flock of seagulls, haircut, lisp, everything. 1.00
01:47:23.000 Wandering through the woods, seeing Bigfoot.
01:47:25.000 You know, like, sure you did, dude. 1.00
01:47:27.000 What the fuck, man? 1.00
01:47:27.000 You're crazy. 1.00
01:47:28.000 You insane asshole. 1.00
01:47:30.000 I can't believe that show exists, man. 1.00
01:47:32.000 It sounds hilarious.
01:47:33.000 It's like Ghost Hunters.
01:47:33.000 It's so bad.
01:47:34.000 Exactly like Ghost Hunters, in that all those shows feature night vision and nothing.
01:47:40.000 That's all you need.
01:47:41.000 It's the same thing.
01:47:41.000 It's just a house and night vision.
01:47:43.000 It seems creepy.
01:47:44.000 Yeah, I was having a Twitter exchange with this chick the other day, and we were going off about how to combine the two shows and just make it a porno.
01:47:50.000 And that's really what it is.
01:47:52.000 It's a bunch of lonely people.
01:47:54.000 Night vision, unkempt pubes, fatty, sweaty bodies, and night vision loads.
01:48:01.000 Loneliness, dude.
01:48:02.000 They're all pretending to hear things.
01:48:03.000 I heard something.
01:48:04.000 Come in here real quick. 1.00
01:48:05.000 And then they fuck. 1.00
01:48:06.000 They get in a corner in the darkness and they just, I think I heard something. 1.00
01:48:09.000 I think you're fingering me.
01:48:11.000 Yeah, you like that?
01:48:12.000 You think that'll keep the ghosts away?
01:48:14.000 Yes, I do. 1.00
01:48:15.000 I think it'll keep the ghosts away if you suck my cock. 1.00
01:48:17.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:48:18.000 Scare them.
01:48:18.000 Scare them with your boldness.
01:48:20.000 And then they fuck in the darkness. 1.00
01:48:21.000 They fuck in the darkness. 1.00
01:48:22.000 And then the guy has to get away. 1.00
01:48:23.000 Then they, you know, after the guy comes, he's like, I just fucking heard something for real. 0.99
01:48:27.000 Holy shit, I'm not kidding now. 0.99
01:48:28.000 And he runs out of the room. 0.99
01:48:30.000 That's how they get out of it.
01:48:32.000 Because after you come, you know, the girl wants to cuddle.
01:48:34.000 She's like, we can't cuddle. 1.00
01:48:35.000 We're in the fucking... 0.99
01:48:35.000 We're in a haunted house. 0.99
01:48:37.000 I heard something!
01:48:37.000 Jesus, it's real!
01:48:38.000 And he just runs. 1.00
01:48:39.000 She's like, you didn't hear shit! 1.00
01:48:41.000 Give me the night vision! 1.00
01:48:43.000 She can't see. 1.00
01:48:44.000 She's stuck in the fucking basement in the corner. 1.00
01:48:46.000 And this guy's like, come on! 1.00
01:48:48.000 I'll tell you, warmer!
01:48:50.000 You're getting towards the door!
01:48:51.000 Warmer!
01:48:52.000 Give me the night vision! 0.99
01:48:53.000 I can't fucking see! 0.99
01:48:54.000 Boom! 0.99
01:48:55.000 She hits the wall, starts screaming. 1.00
01:48:56.000 No more pussy for him. 1.00
01:48:58.000 That's a weird show, Joe. 1.00
01:49:01.000 They pretend to hear things.
01:49:03.000 What was that?
01:49:04.000 What was that?
01:49:04.000 How many of those shows have they said, what was that?
01:49:06.000 What was that?
01:49:07.000 What was that? 1.00
01:49:07.000 It was you being a crazy asshole alone, either in the woods or in a basement, either looking for Bigfoot or a ghost. 1.00
01:49:13.000 Dude, fuck all that shit. 1.00
01:49:14.000 Think about the fact that the Catholic Church still does exorcisms. 1.00
01:49:17.000 Think about that shit, dude. 1.00
01:49:19.000 Fucking Catholic priests will... 1.00
01:49:21.000 Right now, there's probably a priest in somebody's house getting a demon out of somebody's body. 1.00
01:49:27.000 Think about that. 1.00
01:49:28.000 Fucking Bigfoot, fine. 1.00
01:49:29.000 Aliens, fine. 1.00
01:49:30.000 There's guys dressed as god clowns waving around symbols in front of little kids' faces to try to get imaginary demons to go out of them. 1.00
01:49:37.000 What's really amazing is there's way more priests out there fucking kids than there are doing exorcists. 0.99
01:49:45.000 Way more. 0.99
01:49:46.000 Way more. 0.99
01:49:47.000 That's a fucked up statistic. 0.99
01:49:48.000 We need to figure out if that's true, man. 0.99
01:49:50.000 Oh, for sure it is.
01:49:51.000 For sure it is.
01:49:51.000 So there's more priests molesting kids and they are getting the demons out of kids.
01:49:54.000 Well, we were talking about on the podcast with Joey, we were talking about how people who run martial arts schools, often it's very culty.
01:50:01.000 And the guy who is at the head is the master and is almost beyond reproach. 0.99
01:50:05.000 And that a lot of times weird sexual shit happens because of that. 0.99
01:50:08.000 Because it becomes like a cult. 1.00
01:50:10.000 Well, that is exactly what happens in the Catholic Church.
01:50:13.000 And even in martial arts schools, people try to keep things under wraps. 0.99
01:50:16.000 There's always dark secrets of this guy fucking a student and fucking one of his students who's married and the husband finds out about it. 0.99
01:50:24.000 There's always those kind of scandals. 1.00
01:50:26.000 Very cult-like.
01:50:27.000 And with every real controlling cult, there's an element of sexuality.
01:50:32.000 Absolutely.
01:50:33.000 And it's usually creepy.
01:50:34.000 It's not like a peace, love, you know, everyone polyamorous and whether sexual or non, you know, everything is just about non-judgmental affection.
01:50:43.000 No, no, no.
01:50:44.000 Most of it's not.
01:50:45.000 Most of it's creepy. 0.96
01:50:46.000 It's victim sex. 0.99
01:50:47.000 Dude, and then think about this. 0.54
01:50:49.000 Take it back to the story that it comes from, whether it's real or not.
01:50:54.000 The story the Catholic Church comes from, name one guy dressed like a gnome in that story. 0.99
01:50:59.000 Name one guy wearing a big golden flowing cape and holding a funny thing and marching around with fucking the purple velvet on and fucking walking around on red carpets and giant golden palaces. 0.99
01:51:12.000 Where? 0.99
01:51:12.000 Find that in the New Testament. 0.99
01:51:14.000 Find anything even remotely like the rituals outside the Holy Communion.
01:51:19.000 Find anything.
01:51:20.000 It's...
01:51:21.000 Especially all the audacious use of gold and money and spending.
01:51:28.000 Think about all the different gigantic Roman Colosseum, the Sistine Chapel, or think of any of the things of the construction in Rome, any of the stuff that's at the Vatican. 0.99
01:51:37.000 That's like a really elaborate, expensive, gaudy, non-Christian shit. 1.00
01:51:41.000 Think of what else could have been done with all that energy. 0.99
01:51:43.000 But they're like, you know what? 1.00
01:51:44.000 Yeah, Jesus wanted us to have a beautiful, giant, golden palace where I could sit on a fucking throne and fuck kids! 1.00
01:51:52.000 Jesus wants me to fuck kids on red velvet. 1.00
01:51:55.000 Yeah, it's just what he wants. 1.00
01:51:56.000 That's the story.
01:51:58.000 By the way, this attitude is really offending a lot of people on Twitter.
01:52:04.000 There's a lot of Christians that have sent me texts saying, I wish you would remind me or at least warn us that before you go on these horrible anti-Christian rants that destroy our culture.
01:52:17.000 Oh, no, no, no.
01:52:18.000 See, I'm not talking about Christianity.
01:52:19.000 I'm talking about the cult of Loon Loon, which is...
01:52:22.000 You're talking about Christianity.
01:52:23.000 That's not...
01:52:23.000 No, no, no, no.
01:52:24.000 I know what you got.
01:52:25.000 You're pushing your Loon Loon brand.
01:52:26.000 That's not my...
01:52:26.000 Are you going to sell t-shirts?
01:52:27.000 Are you selling Loon Loon t-shirts soon?
01:52:28.000 No, you're selling posters.
01:52:30.000 I am selling posters. 0.99
01:52:31.000 Not a bad idea selling the fucking t-shirts, though. 0.99
01:52:33.000 Mm-hmm. 0.99
01:52:33.000 But no man, it's not my Loom Loom brand. 0.99
01:52:36.000 It's the fucking church's brand. 0.99
01:52:37.000 I would never take it from that. 1.00
01:52:38.000 But dude, that's not what I view as real Christianity. 0.73
01:52:44.000 Because if you look at a lot of the Christianities that some people follow, it's based on a lot of the writings of somebody named Paul, who never met Jesus.
01:52:55.000 He was a persecuted Christian, and he was walking on the road to Damascus.
01:52:59.000 He saw a vision.
01:53:01.000 His name was Saul of Tarsus, and he saw a vision of Jesus.
01:53:05.000 Jesus appeared in the sky and said, Saul, Saul, why do you persecute me?
01:53:09.000 And at that moment, Saul was filled with the glory of the Lord, and he was blinded.
01:53:15.000 And he wandered and found some Christians, found him, and his name became Paul.
01:53:19.000 And he was the founder of the modern Christian church.
01:53:22.000 And he wrote all these letters about what it is to be in the spirit of Christ and to be with Christ.
01:53:27.000 But he never met God outside of in that vision.
01:53:30.000 So essentially he was like Jimmy Swaggart, but a long time ago.
01:53:33.000 Remember when Swaggart?
01:53:33.000 Was it Swaggart or Pat Robertson that saw the 90-foot-tall Jesus?
01:53:36.000 I don't know, but he had a vision.
01:53:39.000 Paul of Tarsus had a vision, and I don't know which one, but yeah, that's where it came from.
01:53:44.000 It wasn't from the original teachings, you know?
01:53:48.000 The original teachings don't...
01:53:49.000 I'm sorry if I'm offending people.
01:53:50.000 It's really weird, though, that...
01:53:52.000 Oh, it was Oral Roberts.
01:53:54.000 Oral Roberts.
01:53:54.000 He had 900-foot-tall Jesus in 1977, which is when he would have been around.
01:53:59.000 That was when 900-foot-tall Jesus was touring this part of the galaxy. 0.99
01:54:02.000 Touring the fucking galaxy, man. 0.99
01:54:04.000 And coming to Oral Roberts in the middle of the desert and showing himself. 0.99
01:54:08.000 But it's really interesting to think about that when you realize that it's like, so a lot of people call what's after the Gospels, the epistles, which a lot of them call that Paulian theology.
01:54:19.000 It's not Christianity. 1.00
01:54:20.000 It's based on, because here's the big problem that Christians ran into.
01:54:23.000 In many verses in the Bible, Jesus said, before some of you die, I'm going to be back.
01:54:30.000 And he didn't come back.
01:54:31.000 And some of the disciples started dying.
01:54:33.000 And then it's like, wait a minute, he's not coming back.
01:54:35.000 What are we going to do? 0.95
01:54:36.000 And they had to reorganize shit and turn it into something that was like, that made more sense, which is to deal with some basic problems and what Christ, if he existed in that story, said was going to happen. 0.98
01:54:50.000 And now we've got the bank robber syndrome. 0.98
01:54:52.000 You know that, right?
01:54:53.000 It's the bank robber thing.
01:54:55.000 What? 0.99
01:54:55.000 When somebody robs a bank, they say, everybody get on the fucking ground and don't move. 0.99
01:55:00.000 I'm gonna walk out of here and I'm gonna come back in two minutes. 1.00
01:55:04.000 And if any of you have moved, I'm gonna blow your fucking brains out. 1.00
01:55:07.000 This is what a bank robber does when he's robbing a bank. 1.00
01:55:10.000 This is what Jesus did when he said, I'm gonna be back really soon.
01:55:13.000 And if anyone's misbehaving, you're going to hell forever. 0.99
01:55:16.000 And that's been going on for a long fucking time, man. 0.99
01:55:20.000 And it's probably going to keep going on and on and on. 0.99
01:55:23.000 And each time it advances down a generation, it gets weirder and weirder and weirder. 0.98
01:55:28.000 So now we've got a guy dressed like a fucking gnome, feeling totally cool sitting in a golden throne when there's people all over the planet starving. 0.97
01:55:36.000 And somehow that guy is a disciple of a person who went around saying, love your neighbor as yourself and love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind, and soul. 0.99
01:55:44.000 By the way, clear evidence that he harbored child molesters. 0.99
01:55:48.000 Clear evidence that he derailed investigations and moved people around when he was, whatever the fuck he was, a bishop or whatever the fuck he was when he was doing this. 0.99
01:55:57.000 He was in Phoenix. 1.00
01:55:59.000 Ratzinger, you cunt. 1.00
01:56:01.000 You fucking creepy bitch. 1.00
01:56:02.000 Have you ever seen the pictures of him with the male gymnasts, the acrobats? 1.00
01:56:06.000 Yeah, I honestly still think that that was CGI'd in because my brain can't...
01:56:10.000 It seems fake.
01:56:10.000 It's fake, right?
01:56:11.000 No, it's totally real.
01:56:12.000 No, it's totally real.
01:56:14.000 How did Pope, how did all that, how did Catholicism become the leading sort of power worldwide of Christianity?
01:56:21.000 Because there's all the other forms of Christianity, they seem to be much more scattered.
01:56:26.000 Like there's not like one heavy-duty dude at the head of it like Catholicism.
01:56:30.000 Right.
01:56:31.000 Right.
01:56:31.000 Who's the main guy in Episcopalian?
01:56:34.000 Who's the main guy in the Baptists? 0.71
01:56:35.000 What is it?
01:56:36.000 Do they have bishops?
01:56:38.000 There's no main guy like the Catholic Pope.
01:56:41.000 There is a hierarchy in the Episcopal Church.
01:56:44.000 Yeah, but nothing like the...
01:56:45.000 You know what I'm saying?
01:56:46.000 Worldwide recognized the Pope is the top dog.
01:56:49.000 How did that get to be the strongest, most powerful form of Christianity?
01:56:53.000 Which is, by the way, also... 1.00
01:56:54.000 The most nuts, the most fucking crazy, judgmental, the most guilt-ridden, injecting horrible feelings of sorrow into little boys' heads because they touched their penis. 1.00
01:57:04.000 Joe, is there a statistic on what percentage of priests molest kids? 1.00
01:57:09.000 No one knows.
01:57:09.000 89% I think it was.
01:57:11.000 No one knows.
01:57:12.000 But we must know a certain number of them.
01:57:14.000 I don't think they do.
01:57:15.000 It comes up all the time.
01:57:16.000 I don't think they can.
01:57:17.000 I don't think they know.
01:57:18.000 But is there a number of priests that have gotten incarcerated for molesting kids?
01:57:22.000 What's that number?
01:57:23.000 How many is it?
01:57:25.000 97, I think.
01:57:26.000 97?
01:57:27.000 97%.
01:57:28.000 Don't listen to him.
01:57:29.000 Listen to who you're talking to.
01:57:31.000 20% of the allegations the priest was deceased.
01:57:34.000 Let's see.
01:57:36.000 I'm just curious if there's an actual number.
01:57:37.000 It can't be.
01:57:38.000 What percentage of priests abuse?
01:57:41.000 Okay.
01:57:43.000 Let's see.
01:57:44.000 What do they think here?
01:57:46.000 They don't know, man.
01:57:48.000 Well, there's certainly a certain number of priests who've been charged.
01:57:50.000 I mean, I know that.
01:57:51.000 The story's come up, so there's got to be some number.
01:57:53.000 I'm just wondering how many.
01:57:55.000 Whoa! 0.71
01:57:56.000 What?
01:57:56.000 Oh, okay.
01:57:57.000 It's only four.
01:57:57.000 They're concluding their...
01:57:59.000 I thought it said 40%. 0.99
01:58:00.000 Holy shit. 1.00
01:58:01.000 My brain blipped for a second. 1.00
01:58:05.000 percent of the US priests since 1950 have been accused of sexual abuse of children.
01:58:10.000 However, here's the caveats.
01:58:12.000 There are probably many victims who remain silent and not yet come forward to accuse their abusers.
01:58:17.000 There are probably some adults who have come forward to accuse priests who have false recovered memories of abuse that never happened.
01:58:23.000 So they could be both ways.
01:58:25.000 There may be some adults who knowingly, falsely accuse innocent priests of abuse.
01:58:30.000 But dude, imagine this.
01:58:31.000 Imagine if 4% of people who work at Apple stores had been accused of molesting kids.
01:58:37.000 Yeah, I used that on stage before about NASCAR drivers.
01:58:39.000 I was saying a mass organization of NASCAR drivers running around... 1.00
01:58:43.000 In circles with their cars and then fucking kids. 0.99
01:58:45.000 We would say, we don't need NASCAR. This is ridiculous. 1.00
01:58:49.000 I'm sure that 4% of Apple employees probably molest kids because they're the computer nerds. 0.99
01:58:54.000 They don't get laid. 1.00
01:58:55.000 That's not even funny.
01:58:57.000 No, I'm being serious there.
01:58:59.000 No, no. 1.00
01:59:00.000 4% of Apple employees don't fuck kids, dude. 1.00
01:59:02.000 It's a tiny, tiny, tiny, tiny percentage of people in the whole world. 1.00
01:59:06.000 Who are child molesters.
01:59:07.000 It's really small. 1.00
01:59:08.000 The problem is when it happens, it's fucking devastating. 0.96
01:59:11.000 So if it's one in a community of a million people, that's a lot. 0.98
01:59:15.000 If it's one in a thousand, it's a lot.
01:59:16.000 Have you looked at the app that shows you all from here?
01:59:20.000 There's like 300 in Burbank.
01:59:23.000 Yeah, well, how many millions of people live in Burbank, you know?
01:59:25.000 Not millions, I don't think.
01:59:27.000 How many people do you think live in Burbank?
01:59:28.000 Let's say population of Burbank.
01:59:29.000 I'm going to go 500,000.
01:59:30.000 I'm going to do Siri.
01:59:33.000 This is something I've been trying to figure out for years.
01:59:35.000 I can't wait to hear the answer.
01:59:42.000 What is the population of Burbank, California?
01:59:49.000 103,340.
01:59:51.000 This might answer your question. 1.00
01:59:53.000 Yeah, I got you, bitch. 1.00
01:59:55.000 103,340 in 2010. So, out of that, how many pedos are in Burbank? 1.00
02:00:04.000 Isn't that a song?
02:00:05.000 It should be.
02:00:07.000 Some hipster song. 0.66
02:00:09.000 Some ironic hipster song about pedos.
02:00:13.000 Yeah, I'd probably say 400. There's an uncomfortable number of people that have fucked kids. 1.00
02:00:21.000 Any number, yeah. 1.00
02:00:23.000 It's all pretty disgusting and terrifying, really. 0.98
02:00:27.000 That's one of the first things that we should eradicate, because that's something that fucks kids up for the rest of their life. 0.95
02:00:32.000 And then if they lash out and start doing it on new kids, then they become, we talked about this, that it's like a vampire. 0.92
02:00:37.000 It's like real vampires.
02:00:39.000 Like you actually do infect someone and make them what you are, a monster. 0.99
02:00:43.000 It transmits itself, and it's been being transmitted for a fucking long time, man. 0.99
02:00:46.000 It's been being transmitted for generations. 0.99
02:00:49.000 It's such a gross thing.
02:00:50.000 It's such a broken thing.
02:00:51.000 And it has roots in primate behavior. 0.97
02:00:53.000 That's what's really fucked up about it. 0.99
02:00:55.000 Sexuality is so strange. 0.98
02:00:57.000 And in our world, it's so unnatural because we're actually covering our bodies up. 0.88
02:01:02.000 We hide our genitals.
02:01:04.000 We have this weird sort of a combinatory lifestyle of natural animal urges mixed with this higher self and consciousness and language and the awareness of the impact of your words and deeds and physical acts on other people and that you're putting out a negative energy and a negative vibe and we discourage that in our communities and discourage that in our laws. 0.99
02:01:29.000 But the reality is, we have these fucking urges to fuck, and they're not regulated. 0.99
02:01:34.000 They're not, like, no one's, like, recognizing that. 1.00
02:01:36.000 Like, hey, you know, we need to, like, why is prostitution bad? 1.00
02:01:40.000 Someone explain that to me. 0.99
02:01:41.000 If someone, you know, needs money, and someone has a mouth, you know, and they go, you know what, I can make a lot of money with this mouth, and what is worse, working at Wendy's for a week and making $300, or sucking a guy's dick for 10 minutes and making $500? 0.99
02:01:57.000 Right. 1.00
02:01:58.000 And a lot of people will go, I would rather suck this guy's dick. 1.00
02:02:00.000 And this guy, he's some poor guy who's horny, you know? 1.00
02:02:03.000 And it's like you give him a mouth massage on his dick, and he blows a load in your mouth, and he's so happy. 1.00
02:02:10.000 Oh, my God. 1.00
02:02:11.000 He's so released.
02:02:12.000 Like, that was so good.
02:02:13.000 And he gives you a $100 tip.
02:02:15.000 Now you made $600.
02:02:16.000 Why is that bad?
02:02:17.000 I'm not sure.
02:02:18.000 Why is it okay to do that for free?
02:02:20.000 How come if she meets that guy and she likes him, she blows him and it's the greatest thing that ever happened? 1.00
02:02:24.000 Then that's fine. 1.00
02:02:25.000 But if she meets that guy and he's like, listen, I have 500 bucks and I would like to get my dick sucked and I know you're hard on money and you want to make a deal? 1.00
02:02:33.000 Why is that bad? 1.00
02:02:35.000 Well, yeah, it's a...
02:02:37.000 What are you wowing?
02:02:38.000 I just found a website that tells you how many sex offenders are in each city in Los Angeles, and it's pretty shocking at the highest numbered one.
02:02:46.000 All right, so Burbank has 1,875 sex offenders.
02:02:50.000 That's more than 1%.
02:02:51.000 Yeah, Beverly Hills.
02:02:53.000 Wasn't it?
02:02:53.000 Yeah.
02:02:54.000 Beverly Hills is the highest.
02:02:55.000 Really?
02:02:56.000 With 4,903, which is weird because Beverly Hills, there's more people that live in Burbank than Beverly Hills, right?
02:03:02.000 That's a good question.
02:03:04.000 Weird, it also means they have cash.
02:03:06.000 Yeah, so money.
02:03:08.000 Equals, that's kind of weird.
02:03:10.000 Pasadena here, we got uh...
02:03:11.000 Beverly Hills pedophiles?
02:03:13.000 1,306?
02:03:15.000 Yeah, because I mean, Beverly Hills, the houses are spread apart.
02:03:18.000 There's not as many people crammed in.
02:03:20.000 Yeah, there's only 34,000 people living in Beverly Hills.
02:03:23.000 Wow.
02:03:23.000 And they have 4,903.
02:03:26.000 You guys, we have figured out two crazy fucking things in this podcast. 0.99
02:03:30.000 Number one, Coca-Cola is making the majority of cocaine in the world. 1.00
02:03:34.000 And number two, Beverly Hills is filled with pedophiles! 1.00
02:03:38.000 Holy shit! 1.00
02:03:39.000 Wow. 1.00
02:03:40.000 That's groundbreaking shit, man. 1.00
02:03:42.000 That's crazy. 1.00
02:03:43.000 We need to spark up and think about this.
02:03:45.000 This is just too heavy.
02:03:46.000 Oh, we might actually have people coming here for the next show. 1.00
02:03:49.000 Whatever with those faggots. 1.00
02:03:50.000 Do you want to eat? 1.00
02:03:52.000 I'm not supposed to say faggots anymore. 1.00
02:03:53.000 I apologize. 0.99
02:03:54.000 Can't say it anymore, man.
02:03:55.000 You banned that word. 0.83
02:03:55.000 I did. 0.83
02:03:56.000 But when it's my friends, every now and then I'll slip one out. 1.00
02:03:59.000 Plus, they're all retarded. 1.00
02:04:00.000 Just because it sounds great. 0.99
02:04:00.000 You know what actually got me saying it a couple times just to my friends is goddamn Stanhope's new CD. Really funny, by the way. 0.99
02:04:08.000 Yeah, before turning the gun on himself, it's called.
02:04:11.000 Oh, so funny.
02:04:11.000 It's really good.
02:04:12.000 Great title. 0.98
02:04:13.000 I think it's Stanhope's best work, but he says faggot in it a couple times. 0.99
02:04:16.000 I'm like, God, I missed that word. 0.98
02:04:18.000 Yeah.
02:04:18.000 Beautiful word.
02:04:19.000 It's just, the problem is, it's associated as a gay slur.
02:04:22.000 And even though I have a lot of, like, pro-gay stuff in my act, especially now, I have a lot of, still, you can't say it.
02:04:28.000 You can't.
02:04:29.000 You can't say it right now, man.
02:04:30.000 You just can't.
02:04:31.000 I never liked it. 1.00
02:04:32.000 It's a fucking shitty. 0.99
02:04:33.000 It's a great word. 1.00
02:04:34.000 Ugh.
02:04:34.000 I like calling my animals.
02:04:35.000 You didn't like it because you got called it a few too many times.
02:04:39.000 I set you up for that one.
02:04:40.000 But no, that's not... 0.98
02:04:42.000 It's such a shitty... 1.00
02:04:44.000 It's like always coming out of the mouth of fucking dopey fucking rednecks in the backs of school buses and just dipshits playing fucking Xbox. 1.00
02:04:54.000 They ruined it, the fucks. 1.00
02:04:55.000 Yeah, they ruined it. 0.99
02:04:57.000 It could have had some use.
02:04:59.000 Look, my 40th birthday cake, Joey Diaz... 1.00
02:05:03.000 Ari Shapiro got me a fucking birthday cake that said, happy birthday, faggot. 1.00
02:05:08.000 It was beautiful. 1.00
02:05:10.000 It's beautiful.
02:05:11.000 You know, it seems like back then it was okay to actually say.
02:05:13.000 That was only like four years ago.
02:05:14.000 It did.
02:05:15.000 When I put my special out, it changed while I was doing my special.
02:05:18.000 Isn't that weird?
02:05:18.000 It's weird.
02:05:19.000 They're coming in and out. 1.00
02:05:20.000 They had a real problem using the word faggot. 1.00
02:05:21.000 Well, I remember when we were just in Texas and saying retard. 0.99
02:05:24.000 Like, that was shocking.
02:05:25.000 Retard? 0.99
02:05:26.000 You can't really use retard either right now. 1.00
02:05:27.000 That was weird.
02:05:28.000 Yeah, retard became a problem in Austin. 1.00
02:05:31.000 Retard's in the vaults. 1.00
02:05:31.000 Yeah, Austin. 1.00
02:05:32.000 When we were in Austin, they said you gotta stop with the retard. 0.82
02:05:34.000 It became a problem. 1.00
02:05:36.000 Political correctness is fucking completely ridiculous. 1.00
02:05:39.000 What's important is intent. 1.00
02:05:40.000 I heard tranny's the new word.
02:05:41.000 Tranny? 0.94
02:05:42.000 Tranny. 1.00
02:05:42.000 Shut up. 1.00
02:05:43.000 You can't say tranny? 1.00
02:05:44.000 Yeah, people were telling me the other day that tranny's the new word.
02:05:47.000 Come on.
02:05:48.000 I don't believe that.
02:05:50.000 They can never take away our tranny.
02:05:52.000 No, you know what?
02:05:52.000 I believe it because I've seen someone say in someone accusing someone of being a homophobe, they said something about them upsetting the lesbian, gay, it was like LGBTQ. I go, bi.
02:06:10.000 I go, Q. I go, wait a minute. 0.71
02:06:12.000 I go, lesbian. 1.00
02:06:14.000 Lesbian. 0.93
02:06:15.000 Gay. 0.98
02:06:16.000 Transsexual. 1.00
02:06:20.000 Transvestite. 0.96
02:06:21.000 Q. What's Q? Which one's that? 0.99
02:06:23.000 Queer. 0.99
02:06:24.000 Queer. 0.99
02:06:25.000 Queer's a totally obscure one. 0.58
02:06:27.000 They don't want to define it.
02:06:29.000 Like, they might like guys.
02:06:30.000 They might like girls.
02:06:31.000 They might be bi. 0.58
02:06:31.000 They might be weird. 0.58
02:06:32.000 They're queer. 1.00
02:06:33.000 Whatever the fuck they are. 1.00
02:06:35.000 What is that? 1.00
02:06:36.000 How can you...
02:06:36.000 Is that the most ambiguous definition ever of a sexuality?
02:06:40.000 It's queer? 1.00
02:06:40.000 Queer. 1.00
02:06:41.000 It's all super gay. 1.00
02:06:44.000 But that's when people are going real deep. 0.92
02:06:47.000 It's because they want people to be able to define themselves.
02:06:51.000 And I agree with that, man.
02:06:52.000 Call yourself whatever you want. 0.93
02:06:53.000 But when you're getting mad at people saying gay slurs, you use the term queer. 0.86
02:06:59.000 Well, yeah.
02:07:00.000 No, you're right, man. 0.99
02:07:01.000 It's all fucking intention, dude. 0.97
02:07:02.000 It's like what's behind there. 0.99
02:07:04.000 If there's anger behind it, it's an ugly word.
02:07:06.000 Exactly. 0.99
02:07:08.000 It's why black people can call each other niggers. 1.00
02:07:11.000 Hey. 0.99
02:07:12.000 It's what it is. 0.99
02:07:13.000 You know, when you hear Tupac say it, he's sitting around shooting the shit with Dr. Dre. 0.99
02:07:19.000 And they're being funny with each other. 0.99
02:07:20.000 Yeah, it's fine.
02:07:21.000 It's not offensive.
02:07:22.000 If some old man is yelling at a young kid because he's, you know, walking on his lawn, then it becomes offensive and dehumanizing.
02:07:28.000 Obviously.
02:07:29.000 I met a beautiful black girl the other day. 0.99
02:07:32.000 Really?
02:07:32.000 You thinking about trying it?
02:07:33.000 What's up?
02:07:34.000 It's on my list, but I... Are you ready?
02:07:37.000 It was my friend's sister, but she was just so beautiful.
02:07:39.000 You want to get in shape for that first?
02:07:40.000 No.
02:07:42.000 You always start off with your worst.
02:07:45.000 Start off with your worst presentation and they accept you at that?
02:07:48.000 Yeah.
02:07:48.000 Really?
02:07:49.000 You never try to impress a girl? 0.99
02:07:50.000 Never. 1.00
02:07:51.000 That's bullshit. 1.00
02:07:52.000 When you got dumped the first time, dude, you lost like 70 pounds. 1.00
02:07:54.000 That's when you really realized you had to get back in the game.
02:07:56.000 That was because I was out of a seven-year relationship.
02:07:59.000 I'll tell you what happened.
02:08:00.000 That was seven years.
02:08:01.000 That was pre-internet fame, son.
02:08:03.000 That's what it was.
02:08:04.000 You didn't have the internet fame.
02:08:06.000 You weren't the producer of a very famous podcast.
02:08:09.000 Brian, how many penthouse pets have you dated?
02:08:11.000 Seven.
02:08:12.000 Seven.
02:08:12.000 That's normal, dude.
02:08:13.000 A guy who looks like you usually get a lot of penthouse pets.
02:08:16.000 No, dude, seriously, how many?
02:08:18.000 Two.
02:08:19.000 I've only dated two girls in the industry ever.
02:08:22.000 The industry.
02:08:23.000 Well, you know, since I've been in Hollywood, I've been in the industry.
02:08:28.000 I've been a part of the industry.
02:08:30.000 I do a lot of industry things.
02:08:32.000 I have an industry newsletter that I subscribe to.
02:08:35.000 Danny, what's happening with that condom thing, man? 0.54
02:08:37.000 Is it fucking up the industry?
02:08:39.000 Well, there seems to be a lot of talk that they're going to move to, what, Arizona or something like that, or Vegas.
02:08:45.000 Yeah, it's going to move to Vegas.
02:08:46.000 That's what they're going to do.
02:08:47.000 Which is crazy.
02:08:48.000 Well, not really, because I think a lot of girls live in Vegas anyway, because a lot of them, they make money dancing as well as doing movies. 1.00
02:08:57.000 Isn't that like the thing? 0.98
02:08:59.000 They announce they do feature dancing and people are like, dudes are fucking fans of some porn stars. 0.98
02:09:04.000 You may say it's kind of weird and strange, but why is it? 1.00
02:09:08.000 Look, if you're a fan of an actress and you come to see her at a book signing, you're a fan of the way a chick sucks dicks and she's nice enough to let you watch her suck a lot of dicks. 1.00
02:09:20.000 Beautiful women are beautiful women. 1.00
02:09:20.000 And then you pretend that it's your dick and you blast all over yourself. 1.00
02:09:24.000 Dude, you know it's so funny. 1.00
02:09:25.000 Beautiful women is beautiful women. 1.00
02:09:27.000 Look, Pamela Anderson right there. 1.00
02:09:28.000 I think she is gorgeous.
02:09:30.000 I think she is beautiful in that.
02:09:32.000 Yeah, that's like art.
02:09:34.000 There's a certain art in what she looks like in her body.
02:09:38.000 It's so sexually arousing. 1.00
02:09:41.000 You know, you look at her perfectly manicured toes and her toe ring, and oh, you just want to lick her ass. 1.00
02:09:46.000 Look at that button that's right there. 1.00
02:09:48.000 You're obsessed with that button, dude.
02:09:49.000 Yeah, it's a great button.
02:09:51.000 It's placed perfectly. 0.73
02:09:52.000 It's just dumb luck.
02:09:54.000 It's just, look, see, they line up on the other side of her shirt. 0.71
02:09:57.000 I think it's just the way it is.
02:09:58.000 It's just a hot picture. 1.00
02:09:59.000 The bitch is hot. 1.00
02:10:00.000 By the way, I didn't create this right here. 1.00
02:10:01.000 You know what's unfortunate, though, man?
02:10:04.000 What's unfortunate is that women like that, man, especially if they're not, like, heavy-duty into working out, is that they get older and they lose their body. 1.00
02:10:12.000 They become creepy-looking.
02:10:14.000 Dude, we should try to get her on the podcast. 1.00
02:10:16.000 Their ass disappears. 0.99
02:10:17.000 It gets really weird when you see, like, older women. 1.00
02:10:20.000 Their asses, like, sink and turn under, you know? 1.00
02:10:24.000 And old men, too. 1.00
02:10:25.000 Like, they get that Larry King body.
02:10:27.000 Yeah.
02:10:27.000 You know, where there's no muscle tone going on.
02:10:30.000 And when a woman becomes... 1.00
02:10:31.000 When a woman goes from being Pamela Anderson, and she's still attractive, she hasn't hit this yet, but it's coming, you know, unless she figures out some way to do a lot of fucking squats and keep her body, like, when you become a woman who has enormous artificial boobs and your body's kind of falling apart and you have these big bags Sitting in front pushing out your shirt and you know this cleavage that you're... 1.00
02:10:55.000 but it's been sun drenched for so long.
02:10:58.000 It's got this weird sort of leathery texture and you're trying to tone that down with heavy doses of moisturizer. 1.00
02:11:04.000 So your tits are always greasy and leathery at the same time and your ass is evaporating. 1.00
02:11:09.000 So you try to stick it out a little so you're wearing high heel shoes where it's really not appropriate and they're really high and you know you're awkward, you can barely walk. 1.00
02:11:18.000 And you really, your ass is gone. 1.00
02:11:20.000 You become a monster. 1.00
02:11:21.000 You become a strange person. 0.97
02:11:22.000 Tomorrow on the news, there's going to be like this wave of suicides from people listening to this.
02:11:26.000 Well, that's a weird thing, man.
02:11:28.000 It's a weird look, you know?
02:11:30.000 Well, yeah, it's weird.
02:11:31.000 It sucks getting attached to your physical body and using that as your main tool.
02:11:36.000 Sure. 0.86
02:11:36.000 It's a dangerous proposition, man. 0.86
02:11:38.000 I think that's really easy to say, though.
02:11:42.000 When you're a girl and you look like Pamela Anderson, dude, first of all, when she was young, she was so hot.
02:11:48.000 That's all anybody probably could comment on all the time.
02:11:52.000 From the time when she was young, all the people that she met... 0.99
02:11:56.000 I guarantee you, everyone was just, holy shit, you're so pretty. 0.99
02:12:00.000 That happens. 0.98
02:12:01.000 But listen, when a girl gets addicted and gets caught up in that, it's almost like there's nothing that can match the kind of power and energy she gets just from her own looks.
02:12:13.000 So it's almost like it was too alluring to just run with that.
02:12:17.000 Too many people were encouraging her.
02:12:19.000 And essentially, she got away without doing any porn except for that one accidental time.
02:12:25.000 Yeah, man.
02:12:25.000 That was a good one, too, though.
02:12:26.000 Yeah, and she did some Playboys and stuff where you got to see her naked, and that was satisfying enough. 1.00
02:12:31.000 I mean, she made a living. 0.99
02:12:33.000 She was so hot, she made a living off being hot. 1.00
02:12:36.000 I mean, that's what she did.
02:12:37.000 It's just sad.
02:12:38.000 What's sad is when people... 0.91
02:12:40.000 I mean, it's not her fault that she was super fucking hot. 0.87
02:12:43.000 It's incredible. 0.96
02:12:44.000 But the sad thing is if she was attached to that perception of herself...
02:12:48.000 It's a tragedy.
02:12:48.000 Well, we're just assuming.
02:12:49.000 We're just assuming now that she's kind of cool.
02:12:51.000 Maybe she's super cool. 1.00
02:12:52.000 I bet she is.
02:12:53.000 Maybe you sat her down and had a conversation whether you would really enjoy it.
02:12:56.000 I don't know her.
02:12:57.000 I bet she's cool.
02:12:57.000 All I'm saying is positive.
02:12:59.000 All I'm saying is that she was so ridiculously hot when she was young that I think almost anybody would have been corrupted by that kind of beauty. 0.87
02:13:07.000 Not that she even was, but I don't know how you could not be a professional hot chick if you were that pretty. 1.00
02:13:13.000 You have to be.
02:13:13.000 Look at her, dude.
02:13:14.000 Look at her.
02:13:15.000 That's from whatever that is.
02:13:16.000 That's her prime. 1.00
02:13:17.000 She's like one of the hottest chicks that's ever walked the face of the earth. 1.00
02:13:19.000 I think that's actually a recent poster.
02:13:21.000 Pull back and you see her whole body. 1.00
02:13:23.000 Do you see her whole body there, Brian?
02:13:24.000 Get that whole thing there, man.
02:13:26.000 It's a recent poster?
02:13:27.000 Well, then she's still keeping it together.
02:13:29.000 Good for her. 1.00
02:13:31.000 That chick is hot as fuck. 1.00
02:13:33.000 Great. 1.00
02:13:33.000 That's uncomfortably hot, right? 1.00
02:13:35.000 Well, I think when you're that pretty, I think, you know, we all have to be reasonable.
02:13:40.000 That girl got some crazy lottery ticket and she decided to cash it in.
02:13:43.000 She ran the dice and she came up double seven in the looks department. 1.00
02:13:48.000 Yes.
02:13:49.000 I don't fault chicks for doing that. 1.00
02:13:50.000 I don't either, man.
02:13:51.000 I wasn't saying that at all, man.
02:13:53.000 But some people do, right?
02:13:53.000 Some people, like, immediately, they'll discount somebody if they are a professional hot chick or if they're a girl who's attractive, like, immediately.
02:14:02.000 Because they know it's so easy to be that person.
02:14:05.000 Life is so easy.
02:14:06.000 What are the odds that you've been thinking?
02:14:08.000 What are the odds that you've been contemplating your existence?
02:14:12.000 I know.
02:14:12.000 Why would you?
02:14:12.000 Life is so easy.
02:14:13.000 Everybody's just tripping over themselves to try to give you things.
02:14:16.000 But I've met plenty of them that do.
02:14:19.000 And those girls, that's insane. 1.00
02:14:21.000 For sure.
02:14:22.000 When you run into those girls, that's such power to have. 1.00
02:14:23.000 It's amazing.
02:14:24.000 When you run into someone who's beautiful and intelligent with a great personality.
02:14:28.000 It's so intense.
02:14:29.000 Great sense of humor.
02:14:30.000 Yeah.
02:14:30.000 It's amazing.
02:14:31.000 It's like, wow, look at you here.
02:14:32.000 Because to get to that point, you had to have some humility that didn't come from looking in the mirror, the reaction that you're getting from the people around you.
02:14:39.000 It could be that.
02:14:40.000 With some of them, it's just simply that they got into yoga or they got into some sort of a meditation discipline and they sort of just formed...
02:14:49.000 I mean, it could have been the way they were raised.
02:14:50.000 They just sort of formed a human personality instead of a hot chick personality.
02:14:55.000 Yeah, that's the best.
02:14:56.000 It must be hard, though, man.
02:14:58.000 Being a hot chick must be, like, the easiest way to get by in life. 0.99
02:15:02.000 Skate through a bunch of dudes stumbling over themselves.
02:15:05.000 I bet it's a sad life also, though.
02:15:06.000 I bet there's a lot of sadness to that life.
02:15:08.000 For some, sure, yeah.
02:15:10.000 Well, there's also, when someone feels like they're getting scammed over, like you don't really like them, you know, if someone's in a situation where a girl is using her looks to get by in life, The guy who is taking advantage of that, the guys who get with those girls, they know that this isn't a real love.
02:15:30.000 This is a real love under certain conditions.
02:15:33.000 And that certain conditions are you're here to provide finances or pay for things or something.
02:15:37.000 There's some...
02:15:38.000 Those guys are going to resent that.
02:15:40.000 So that manipulative relationship is never a real relationship where you really both truly love each other.
02:15:47.000 And you can't wait to see that person. 0.97
02:15:49.000 It's always this weird, creepy deal where you know you're getting fucked and you want to check her cell phone because you don't like the way her fucking trainer looks at you when you say hi to her at the gym. 0.99
02:15:59.000 You think she might be fucking her trainer. 1.00
02:16:01.000 What a nightmare. 1.00
02:16:02.000 Imagine if you were some old dude. 0.71
02:16:04.000 You're like 80 years old and you get yourself a 30-year-old chippy. 1.00
02:16:07.000 And she likes to work out. 0.99
02:16:08.000 And you're playing golf and you walk in and she's getting stretched out by this fucking buff 25-year-old trainer. 0.99
02:16:16.000 She's got her leg on his shoulder. 1.00
02:16:18.000 There's a lot of dudes who do creepy shit like that. 0.99
02:16:20.000 Alright, time to stretch you out. 0.99
02:16:21.000 That's what we're going to do here.
02:16:22.000 I'm going to pick your leg up. 1.00
02:16:23.000 You're going to put it on my shoulder. 1.00
02:16:23.000 Hey, fuckhead. 1.00
02:16:24.000 You don't have to do that, stupid. 1.00
02:16:26.000 You can stretch all those major muscle groups on the ground, you dumb fuck. 1.00
02:16:30.000 But there's a lot of dudes who do creepy shit with girls. 1.00
02:16:32.000 Alright, lean both your arms back. 1.00
02:16:34.000 And they get a nice, firm sexual grip on their forearms.
02:16:38.000 So just to let a woman feel the grip strength. 0.99
02:16:41.000 You know what I'm talking about?
02:16:42.000 And they just pull you back.
02:16:43.000 Pull you back at some weird, uncomfortable, sort of semi-sexual position.
02:16:47.000 Some sort of over-inflated, doggy-style position.
02:16:50.000 And then you let them go.
02:16:52.000 And then you're stretching out their arms.
02:16:53.000 And you're showing your own discipline.
02:16:55.000 You stretch out with them. 0.99
02:16:57.000 And then this poor fucking guy's 80 years old. 0.99
02:16:59.000 What is he going to do? 1.00
02:17:01.000 Nothing.
02:17:03.000 Nothing.
02:17:04.000 He just has to be happy, I guess.
02:17:06.000 Yeah, he should be happy. 1.00
02:17:07.000 He should let everybody fuck her and hope nobody poisons him. 1.00
02:17:10.000 Yeah, that's an inevitability. 1.00
02:17:12.000 That's the problem.
02:17:14.000 They're all going to poison you, man.
02:17:16.000 How many 80-year-old guys do you think are dating 30 or 20-year-olds right now?
02:17:21.000 That's a really good question.
02:17:23.000 I wonder if we can find that statistic online.
02:17:25.000 No way.
02:17:27.000 That's something you would...
02:17:28.000 Who knows, man?
02:17:29.000 Up in the Hamptons and like... 0.99
02:17:31.000 Who the fuck knows, man? 0.99
02:17:33.000 Just like... 1.00
02:17:33.000 Monsters. 1.00
02:17:35.000 But I really love him.
02:17:36.000 I just think he's wonderful.
02:17:37.000 Yeah.
02:17:38.000 Because when people enter those relationships, they don't enter them...
02:17:41.000 They justify.
02:17:42.000 Yeah.
02:17:43.000 I don't even care about his looks.
02:17:45.000 His body is just...
02:17:46.000 He is an amazing person.
02:17:47.000 His energy is so loving.
02:17:49.000 And, you know, I wouldn't want to leave his side.
02:17:52.000 He's amazing.
02:17:53.000 See, I hope to grow 80 one day. 1.00
02:17:55.000 The girl's got diamonds on and shit, and she's just lying around murdered animal skins and driving around in a Bentley. 1.00
02:18:01.000 It feels like it's not even connected to the road. 0.99
02:18:04.000 It feels like you're floating on a carpet through the air.
02:18:06.000 She knows he's probably only got two more years of life, and then she gets millions of dollars because he was in love with her.
02:18:13.000 I wonder how many of those there are out there.
02:18:15.000 There's a lot.
02:18:16.000 There's a lot. 0.83
02:18:16.000 And you could say, well, if you wanted to be cynical and pragmatic, that he's providing something, she's getting something out of this, it's a good relationship, he wants comfort and sex, and she's willing to sort of give that as long as he provides a ridiculous income to her. 0.83
02:18:32.000 That's the reason why they have this unbalanced relationship in the first place.
02:18:35.000 He has to be unbalanced financially.
02:18:37.000 To overcompensate for the physical unbalance, he has to be ridiculously unbalanced. 1.00
02:18:42.000 He has to be buying her minks and fucking diamonds. 1.00
02:18:45.000 And then you get to stick your dick in my mouth. 1.00
02:18:47.000 I like diamonds. 1.00
02:18:49.000 That's the deal she has with him.
02:18:51.000 So she was using him for his money.
02:18:54.000 Of course, that's the deal.
02:18:56.000 Yes, using him for his money.
02:18:57.000 And he's using her for her great hot body.
02:19:00.000 You're not supposed to get this when you're 80. It's essentially what you're doing is taking on an insane prostitution contract that almost nobody can keep up with.
02:19:12.000 That's the only way you can keep a hot chick if you're 80. I mean, it's just incredible to think that 80-year-olds can get that horny, man. 0.69
02:19:20.000 Well, if they take Viagra.
02:19:22.000 And I think also, a lot of them, it's a psychological thing. 0.62
02:19:27.000 There's a lot of 80-year-old guys that can't believe that they can get a 20-year-old hooker.
02:19:32.000 They probably can't even believe it.
02:19:34.000 And when they're alone with it, if they can get it up still, oh my god, how good must it feel? 1.00
02:19:39.000 To bang some really hot 20-year-old Russian hooker. 1.00
02:19:43.000 It's kind of fucked up because she's only 20. Let's make her 23. Let's make her 23. A really hot 23-year-old Russian hooker who's really good at it. 1.00
02:19:52.000 She's really good at it. 0.87
02:19:53.000 I would just have to...
02:19:54.000 It's the fact that underneath this beautiful young thing is a withered, crisp...
02:19:59.000 That's about to go feed the worms. 1.00
02:20:02.000 It's like it would be tough for me to beat that out of my mind as I stared up at her hot body. 0.98
02:20:08.000 I would still be like, man, you're fucking wrinkling and you can barely breathe and your knees are cracking. 1.00
02:20:15.000 Or you'd be like, oh, this pussy is so good. 1.00
02:20:18.000 God damn, this feels so good. 1.00
02:20:21.000 You can come in her mouth. 1.00
02:20:23.000 You can come in her ass. 1.00
02:20:24.000 Whatever you want. 1.00
02:20:24.000 She doesn't care. 1.00
02:20:25.000 Where do you want to come?
02:20:26.000 Where do you want to come?
02:20:28.000 He's a healthy old man.
02:20:31.000 More power to him, by the way.
02:20:33.000 He should give up his whole empire.
02:20:35.000 He's not going to live very long anyway.
02:20:36.000 Just keep it all up.
02:20:37.000 Yeah, I think that situation, there certainly is something perfect about it.
02:20:41.000 Dude, that's priceless. 0.99
02:20:43.000 It's worth a lot of goddamn money. 1.00
02:20:45.000 A really hot chick to just fuck you whenever you want. 1.00
02:20:49.000 And you're an 80 year old man. 1.00
02:20:50.000 You better be paying that bitch. 1.00
02:20:52.000 That's a ridiculous thing to ask. 1.00
02:20:54.000 You think it's tough to ask someone to be a garbage man? 1.00
02:20:56.000 How about asking a fucking old guy whenever he wants? 1.00
02:20:58.000 Do you think there's any 80 year old guys living in studio apartments that have 30 year old girlfriends? 1.00
02:21:07.000 No, there's none of that.
02:21:08.000 Doesn't exist.
02:21:09.000 I mean, maybe.
02:21:09.000 There might be a few broken chicks out there that got roped into some bad poetry or something like that.
02:21:15.000 It's possible.
02:21:17.000 Most guys, though, no.
02:21:19.000 Roped into bad poetry?
02:21:20.000 Yeah, you know, some guy pretends to be deep and lost girl, and, you know, he's an information he has that, you know, he takes time with her and something no one ever did, and he has needs, and she takes care of it for him.
02:21:32.000 That's possible.
02:21:33.000 Most of the time, not likely. 1.00
02:21:35.000 Most of the time, it's some motherfucker that's living in some shit that nobody should be living in. 1.00
02:21:40.000 Some crazy fucking castle. 1.00
02:21:43.000 Every now and then, as a goof, I like to go on websites and look at stupid expensive houses that are for sale. 1.00
02:21:50.000 What is the most expensive house you can buy? 0.99
02:21:52.000 There's like $20 million houses.
02:21:55.000 And you can go and look at the pictures of them.
02:21:57.000 They show them online.
02:21:57.000 You see the grounds and everything.
02:21:59.000 Holy shit! 0.99
02:22:01.000 What is this crazy way that one person gets to live? 1.00
02:22:04.000 This is nuts!
02:22:05.000 I looked at this one house.
02:22:07.000 It was a compound.
02:22:08.000 It was absolutely insane. 1.00
02:22:11.000 It was 600 plus acres and this incredible fucking house. 0.99
02:22:15.000 It was one of the most extravagant things that a person could ever purchase and own in their life. 0.99
02:22:22.000 They essentially owned a kingdom.
02:22:23.000 It was really like a 650 acre kingdom.
02:22:27.000 And, you know, who knows, man?
02:22:29.000 A little chippy.
02:22:30.000 She's like 26. She just came here from Czechoslovakia.
02:22:33.000 She loves your horses! 1.00
02:22:33.000 And, you know, we started hanging out, man. 1.00
02:22:36.000 And she likes to smoke weed.
02:22:38.000 I still smoke a little weed every now and then. 1.00
02:22:40.000 Next thing you know, she's sucking my dick. 1.00
02:22:42.000 And I don't know what to do. 1.00
02:22:44.000 I'm 86 years old.
02:22:45.000 I mean, what kind of relationship are we going to have?
02:22:48.000 I mean, what do you think?
02:22:49.000 Should I pursue this?
02:22:50.000 I have a walker.
02:22:53.000 A walker?
02:22:53.000 A lot of 86-year-olds have walkers.
02:22:56.000 Yeah, a lot of them.
02:22:56.000 If I want to get down the steps, I've got to ride an elevator.
02:22:59.000 What would you tell an old man if there was a hot shot? 0.98
02:23:01.000 I would say you might want some people to fucking keep an eye on her. 1.00
02:23:06.000 But then you got to make sure that you have only gay security guards because that dirty bitch will suck their dicks. 1.00
02:23:13.000 You mean like a hero? 1.00
02:23:14.000 If she's really hot? 1.00
02:23:15.000 Well, no. 0.98
02:23:15.000 If you were a guy and you were like a super rich dude who lived in this giant crazy house and you're 80 years old and there's this 23-year-old really hot Eastern Bloc chick that may or might not be an assassin as well as a hooker. 0.98
02:23:28.000 Yeah, yeah. 0.98
02:23:28.000 And you gotta have some gay security guards that are keeping an eye on her. 0.98
02:23:33.000 You can't have young stud guys because she'll just suck their dicks. 1.00
02:23:38.000 That dirty bitch. 1.00
02:23:39.000 Most guys will not be able to stop themselves. 1.00
02:23:43.000 He's really fat from Iowa.
02:23:45.000 Never met a girl like that before. 0.94
02:23:46.000 And all of a sudden, she's like, listen, relax, baby.
02:23:49.000 Relax. 1.00
02:23:50.000 And she's rubbing your balls like, holy shit, I can't believe this is going to happen. 1.00
02:23:53.000 I get fired for this. 1.00
02:23:55.000 Relax, baby. 1.00
02:23:59.000 And they work something out, and you know, she's, you know, I can fuck this old man all the time. 1.00
02:24:04.000 You know, sometimes I want to go out and have my fun, and we have a deal. 0.99
02:24:08.000 Yeah.
02:24:08.000 Next thing you know, they're a plot in his death.
02:24:11.000 That's what it is.
02:24:12.000 That's how it goes, Duncan.
02:24:13.000 Yeah.
02:24:13.000 And that's what he's got to be careful for.
02:24:15.000 He should only have gay security guards. 1.00
02:24:17.000 He should have big, badass gay dudes that watch over you. 1.00
02:24:21.000 That's like, that's the weirdest end of your life. 0.99
02:24:24.000 And find the girl. 0.99
02:24:25.000 Yeah, you got a big badass gay dude. 1.00
02:24:27.000 You're surrounded by a bunch of gay bodyguards and a 30-year-old Russian prostitute. 1.00
02:24:31.000 Yeah, you got to get those guys to take her everywhere. 1.00
02:24:35.000 They never let any guys come near her because she's mine and you don't let that bitch fucking poison me. 1.00
02:24:42.000 It's just absurd. 1.00
02:24:44.000 It's just absurd, man.
02:24:45.000 Yeah.
02:24:45.000 It's a lot of guys' lives, right?
02:24:47.000 Yeah, it's absurdity.
02:24:48.000 It's so funny the way that you can end up when you're blinking out of the universe.
02:24:51.000 Like, you can actually blink out of the universe in a silk robe next to a 30-year-old Russian stripper. 0.75
02:24:58.000 I know a man who was a successful man, but he was very, very weak.
02:25:05.000 He was very physically weak and he was much older than her.
02:25:09.000 He was about 30 years older than her.
02:25:13.000 She was probably in her 40s and he was in his 70s.
02:25:19.000 There was the anger from her at him and the way she would yell at him and treat him.
02:25:25.000 This complete total lack of respect.
02:25:28.000 Because, you know, basically they had been married for a long time.
02:25:32.000 The only reason why they got married in the first place is because he was rich and she was hot. 1.00
02:25:35.000 And she learned along the way, this motherfucker's not going to do nothing. 0.99
02:25:38.000 And the way to get him off you is to just yell at him and humiliate him in front of other people. 1.00
02:25:42.000 Will you fucking stop? 0.99
02:25:44.000 Just stop! 1.00
02:25:45.000 She was this Russian lady. 1.00
02:25:48.000 She yelled at him in front of me and my friends. 1.00
02:25:50.000 And it was this really fucking super uncomfortable moment, man. 0.98
02:25:54.000 Just snapped at him in front of everybody. 0.97
02:25:56.000 We had a peek at this guy's life.
02:25:58.000 What had he done that was so bad?
02:26:01.000 Do you remember?
02:26:01.000 I don't know.
02:26:02.000 Nothing.
02:26:03.000 Nothing at the time.
02:26:03.000 He was a really nice guy.
02:26:04.000 He was a doctor.
02:26:05.000 And he made him a lot of money, man.
02:26:08.000 He was rich. 1.00
02:26:08.000 He had a crazy house and crazy cars and shit. 1.00
02:26:11.000 And she was like a really hot Soviet block looking chick. 1.00
02:26:15.000 I don't remember what part of the Soviet Union or Russia or whatever she was from.
02:26:20.000 But it was something like that.
02:26:22.000 I don't remember.
02:26:23.000 Ukraine?
02:26:24.000 No, I don't remember.
02:26:25.000 I don't remember. 0.76
02:26:25.000 That's just so fucking tragic, dude. 0.76
02:26:27.000 It's so tragic and lonely. 0.98
02:26:28.000 It's tragic when someone's with someone and that person doesn't want to be with you, man.
02:26:32.000 Or they give away love and these little rations.
02:26:37.000 They give away sex and affection and little rations, you know?
02:26:40.000 Well, no, it's like that thing, the experiment they did with a monkey. 0.99
02:26:43.000 It's like one of the worst experiments of all time where they took a fucking wire monkey. 0.98
02:26:48.000 There's those pictures of the monkey clinging to the wire monkey and pretending it's a real monkey. 0.99
02:26:54.000 Well, it had fur on it.
02:26:55.000 They put carpet on it, and they had this poor monkey that thought it was a mama.
02:26:59.000 There was nothing else in there for it to... 0.99
02:27:01.000 But some people are in relationships where they're that little fucking monkey and they're clinging on to nothing. 0.99
02:27:08.000 There's nothing there and they're just pretending that there's love. 0.99
02:27:10.000 There's something there for them and they know in their heart there's nothing there. 0.99
02:27:13.000 And they just keep fucking doing it because they're terrified to let go of that fucking thing and go out into the world. 1.00
02:27:19.000 It's super hard to find someone that's really cool to hang out with that doesn't just become a shithead eventually. 1.00
02:27:26.000 Someone who doesn't fall apart after you get to know them for a while.
02:27:30.000 Because that happens with a lot of people, man.
02:27:32.000 A lot of people do really good in the beginning of a relationship because they can pretend to be someone really cool.
02:27:37.000 Yeah, right. 0.99
02:27:37.000 And then as time goes on, you realize like, oh, he's fucking lazy. 0.99
02:27:41.000 You get tired of acting, man. 1.00
02:27:42.000 She's a bitch, man. 1.00
02:27:43.000 Why are you negative to me? 1.00
02:27:45.000 You're always negative.
02:27:46.000 Stop it.
02:27:47.000 Yeah, it's really weird that thing when you stop acting and you end up meeting the real person.
02:27:53.000 And that can either be...
02:27:54.000 Hopefully that moment should be wonderful. 0.98
02:27:57.000 Like when the fucking guard comes down and you really see the person there, it should be some beautiful thing. 0.98
02:28:02.000 Yeah, it should. 0.99
02:28:02.000 But sometimes it's not. 0.99
02:28:04.000 Or sometimes one mask comes off and there's just another one there.
02:28:07.000 But it's like...
02:28:10.000 All of us are wandering around right now in that state, though, putting on a show, pretending to be this or pretending to be that.
02:28:16.000 Or hoping to try to fake it till you make it.
02:28:18.000 Yeah.
02:28:18.000 There's some of that going on, too.
02:28:21.000 I've said often on this show that my best advice to someone is pretend to be the guy, or be the guy, rather, that you pretend to be when you're trying to get laid.
02:28:31.000 Just be that guy.
02:28:32.000 Be that guy.
02:28:33.000 Be that guy when you're trying to impress a chick with how cool you are.
02:28:36.000 Be that guy for real.
02:28:38.000 Be that fake person.
02:28:39.000 No!
02:28:40.000 Hold yourself to a higher standard.
02:28:41.000 Hold yourself to a standard that's admirable.
02:28:44.000 A lot of people just act on instinct, and they don't ever look at their life from a point of view like, what would I be impressed with if someone handled this?
02:28:52.000 If this was a movie, what would be the most moral and the coolest and nicest thing to do here, the most admirable thing to do?
02:28:59.000 And when you become capable of doing that, you become capable of looking at your whole life through almost an objective perspective.
02:29:08.000 Have you ever heard of something called transactional analysis or game theory?
02:29:12.000 Have you ever heard of this?
02:29:13.000 I've heard of game theory.
02:29:14.000 I didn't know it was transactional analysis.
02:29:16.000 The idea is it's like, so yeah, it's an analysis of the transactions that happen between people.
02:29:23.000 Isn't that something to do with the guy from A Brilliant Mind?
02:29:28.000 I don't know.
02:29:28.000 Isn't it?
02:29:29.000 I don't know.
02:29:30.000 His Nobel Prize I think was on.
02:29:32.000 I'm sorry.
02:29:33.000 I'm reading a book called the games people play and it's like an analysis of like the basic games that we play for example like shaking hands is a game where the rules of the game are you're kind of like transmitting a what I think what they call a token so like if I come up to you and I extend my hand for you to shake my hand and you don't shake my hand then that creates a weird moment because you haven't made it a complete transaction you know what I'm saying yes yes So it's like,
02:30:02.000 it's an analysis of everything at that level, and it just sort of comes back that we're all engaged in these weird games.
02:30:10.000 Everyone, you know, whether you're acting like you're the greatest person on a date, or whether you're acting like you're some kind of weak person who is always broke and is always in bad relationships, or whether you're acting like you're a priest, or whether you're acting like you're... 0.96
02:30:23.000 Whatever the fucking thing is, you're just playing a game. 0.97
02:30:26.000 You're just playing the game of being this person. 1.00
02:30:29.000 You know, that's...
02:30:29.000 So we're all in the kind of...
02:30:33.000 Endless, absurd situation of having to pretend to be something, you know?
02:30:37.000 Whatever it is. 1.00
02:30:38.000 Like, fucking waiters. 1.00
02:30:40.000 Anyone you're buying anything from, they're having to act in this weird way called professional. 1.00
02:30:45.000 But they're just acting like, who's this character?
02:30:47.000 It's a character.
02:30:48.000 You're playing a weird character of someone who's like, thank you.
02:30:50.000 Yes, may I get you another drink?
02:30:52.000 Well, it's like a TV host or a strip club DJ. Yeah.
02:30:55.000 Or just almost anyone.
02:30:57.000 It's just the things that people think are themselves.
02:31:00.000 This is who I am.
02:31:01.000 I love the Rolling Stones.
02:31:03.000 And I really enjoy fishing.
02:31:05.000 It's like, is that really you?
02:31:07.000 That's who you are?
02:31:08.000 That's your identity?
02:31:10.000 Because if you get far enough back, you'll realize that that's not you.
02:31:13.000 That's just a game that you're playing.
02:31:15.000 And you can keep going back and back and back until you merge into everything.
02:31:19.000 But nobody wants to do that. 0.98
02:31:21.000 Everybody wants to stay as the fucking thing. 0.98
02:31:23.000 No one wants to... 0.99
02:31:24.000 Well, there's certainly comfort in predetermined patterns.
02:31:28.000 People love to say, listen, man, I'm a Republican, and this is why I vote.
02:31:32.000 I'm a Christian, so I'm voting for George W. He's my guy.
02:31:35.000 People love to be part of teams.
02:31:37.000 They love to do that.
02:31:38.000 It's fun to play.
02:31:39.000 But it's very difficult to play.
02:31:40.000 Back up the way you're saying.
02:31:41.000 I mean, it's like to do it without help, to do it without either psychedelic help or to do it without some sort of intense meditation and yoga and training.
02:31:52.000 It's a really difficult task.
02:31:55.000 It's a difficult task, but it's like if you begin to engage and focus.
02:31:58.000 Do you think people are going to get better at that?
02:32:00.000 Hell yes.
02:32:01.000 For sure.
02:32:02.000 Definitely.
02:32:02.000 People are going to get better because the information is getting out there.
02:32:05.000 There's so many information systems out there that back in the thousands of years ago, you couldn't have books.
02:32:12.000 There weren't even books, man.
02:32:13.000 It was very difficult to get a book.
02:32:15.000 Books were incredibly valuable. 1.00
02:32:17.000 Now this shit is scattered throughout the entire fucking planet. 1.00
02:32:21.000 You have instantaneous access to this stuff. 1.00
02:32:24.000 It's fucking... 0.99
02:32:24.000 Yeah, I think people are going to learn. 0.99
02:32:26.000 Powerful Brendan Walsh just walked in, which ends this podcast.
02:32:31.000 We're going to start a new one right after this.
02:32:33.000 We're going to start the Death Squad, Ice House Chronicles, because the comics are starting to pile in for the show.
02:32:38.000 It is already 9.30.
02:32:40.000 Yeah, it was John Nash, the guy from that movie, A Brilliant Mind.
02:32:44.000 He did win some sort of a Nobel Prize on game theory.
02:32:48.000 So, I don't know.
02:32:49.000 Something along those lines.
02:32:50.000 He went crazy. 0.84
02:32:51.000 He was the guy that went nutty. 0.98
02:32:52.000 I didn't know he went crazy.
02:32:53.000 Yeah, that's the movie about.
02:32:54.000 It was the...
02:32:56.000 Who's the guy who played A Beautiful Mind?
02:33:01.000 Gladiator.
02:33:02.000 Russell Crowe.
02:33:02.000 Yeah.
02:33:03.000 Brilliant performance.
02:33:04.000 And he played that guy and he went nutty. 1.00
02:33:06.000 Like, imagined a bunch of shit. 1.00
02:33:08.000 Well, the shit's awesome, man. 1.00
02:33:09.000 You should check it out. 1.00
02:33:10.000 You'd love it.
02:33:10.000 But he brought himself back.
02:33:12.000 He's a fascinating story.
02:33:13.000 He actually brought himself back to reality.
02:33:15.000 He started ignoring the voice.
02:33:16.000 He still hears voices in his head, but he just ignores them now.
02:33:19.000 He can differentiate between what's real and what's not.
02:33:22.000 And so he stays sane even in the midst of twirling insanity.
02:33:25.000 He managed to figure out how to maintain it.
02:33:29.000 That's cool. 1.00
02:33:29.000 Yeah, that's what everything's based on, is figuring out how to maintain that shit. 1.00
02:33:32.000 He's a really fascinating case. 0.99
02:33:33.000 Really interesting guy.
02:33:34.000 A brilliant, brilliant guy who went mad and brought himself back. 0.94
02:33:39.000 Really nuts. 0.99
02:33:40.000 That's it.
02:33:41.000 This is our 200th podcast, ladies and gentlemen.
02:33:44.000 All you freaks.
02:33:45.000 All you people out there at the gym. 1.00
02:33:47.000 All you people out there driving cross-country and sitting on trains and doing whatever the fuck you're doing. 0.99
02:33:52.000 Porch swings. 0.99
02:33:53.000 We're so happy that you tuned into the show.
02:33:55.000 We love doing it.
02:33:56.000 We're happy you guys love it.
02:33:58.000 And I feel like you guys are some of the coolest, most positive people that I've ever come across on the internet.
02:34:06.000 I think it's an amazing...
02:34:08.000 It's an amazing moment when we've collected so many really cool and friendly and fun people that follow us.
02:34:16.000 If you think about the amount of negative tweets that you get, the amount of negative shit that you get, it's so small in relationship to how many cool people there are out there.
02:34:26.000 Cool stories you get tweeted, funny things, you know, answers to questions. 0.94
02:34:32.000 I think we're super, super lucky, man.
02:34:34.000 You know, I think we're putting out a cool vibe, and I think we're putting out an honest way of looking at the world, and people are responding.
02:34:42.000 And we're responding back, and it's the most fun I've ever had doing comedy.
02:34:45.000 It's the most fun I've ever had doing anything, you know, that you would call like in show business.
02:34:50.000 This thing is the most fun, for sure.
02:34:51.000 For sure.
02:34:52.000 And it's the most honest.
02:34:54.000 It is what it is, man.
02:34:56.000 There's no preparation.
02:34:58.000 And it's as open and as honest as we are capable of.
02:35:04.000 And I think that helps us.
02:35:07.000 I know it helps me.
02:35:07.000 I know these conversations have been huge for breaking things down for me and just kind of reassembling the way I look at the world.
02:35:16.000 You know, and having all these different guests on and having all these different people and all these really different intelligent people and really intense opinions.
02:35:23.000 And it's super, super beneficial, man.
02:35:26.000 And I'm just so happy that we're able to do this. 0.89
02:35:29.000 It's the fucking coolest thing I've ever done. 0.62
02:35:31.000 I really, really enjoy it. 0.97
02:35:33.000 It's almost right up there with stand-up to me.
02:35:35.000 Stand-up will always be like the sacred top of the...
02:35:37.000 The fun food chain.
02:35:38.000 Pretty close to that, though.
02:35:39.000 But it's pretty close to it.
02:35:40.000 It's really cool.
02:35:41.000 And the reason why it's cool is how many cool people it impacts and how many cool people who it impacts share their love with us and send that love back at us.
02:35:50.000 And we appreciate the fuck out of it.
02:35:52.000 We talk about it all the time. 0.59
02:35:54.000 And we just want you to know.
02:35:55.000 We're obsessed. 1.00
02:35:56.000 We love all you dirty bitches. 1.00
02:35:58.000 Hare Krishna. 1.00
02:35:59.000 Thank you to the Fleshlight for keeping it real, staying with us since the beginning where it was ridiculous that anybody would give us money for this stupid fucking show. 0.99
02:36:07.000 If you started today, this is the first episode that you ever downloaded, don't download episode one because it's fucking terrible. 0.99
02:36:15.000 I can't even listen to that.
02:36:16.000 Don't download two. 0.99
02:36:17.000 I think in two I run out of the room three or four times and take a shit. 0.98
02:36:20.000 I think I had diarrhea. 0.96
02:36:23.000 But it didn't get good for a while.
02:36:27.000 We never publicized this thing.
02:36:29.000 It sort of just built up on itself naturally.
02:36:31.000 And we love it.
02:36:32.000 We couldn't be happier. 0.87
02:36:33.000 I've always wanted to have a radio show and I never could get anybody to fucking even think about giving me one. 0.50
02:36:38.000 And I didn't really want to get up every morning either.
02:36:41.000 So this is perfect.
02:36:42.000 Perfect.
02:36:43.000 Perfect.
02:36:43.000 No middleman.
02:36:44.000 Right to the people.
02:36:46.000 Atlanta.
02:36:46.000 Tickets are sold out, I believe, for the first show at the Tabernacle on April 20th, but there's still some tickets available for the second show, and that is where I'm going to be filming my next special.
02:36:57.000 I'm fucking super pumped about this. 0.98
02:36:59.000 This is, for real, the best shit I've ever done. 0.99
02:37:02.000 I've been doing a lot of stand-up lately. 0.99
02:37:04.000 I'm in the groove.
02:37:05.000 We had a great time this weekend at the Comedy and Magic Club.
02:37:08.000 That place is so beautiful.
02:37:10.000 And then this weekend we're in Louisville at the Improv all weekend, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.
02:37:15.000 And there's supposed to be some crazy basketball thing going on.
02:37:18.000 Basketball thing happening.
02:37:18.000 Like it might be a huge problem.
02:37:20.000 No one's going to want to come to the show.
02:37:21.000 It's going to be crazy.
02:37:22.000 I've been warned 19 times on Twitter about this event.
02:37:25.000 They said I should put a TV on stage while the game is on and allow people to watch it while we talk.
02:37:31.000 I'm totally cool with that.
02:37:32.000 Really?
02:37:33.000 Yeah, I think it would be fun. 0.99
02:37:33.000 That would be a fucking blast. 0.99
02:37:34.000 Let's do that. 0.99
02:37:34.000 I think it would be fun. 0.99
02:37:35.000 I think it'll be fun.
02:37:36.000 You know why it would be fun? 0.99
02:37:38.000 Because I don't know what the fuck is going on. 0.99
02:37:40.000 I want to mock this nonsense game. 0.99
02:37:41.000 Can we please do that?
02:37:42.000 I really want to do that.
02:37:44.000 Yeah, we can totally do that.
02:37:44.000 We can totally do that.
02:37:45.000 Yeah, because I think that'll help people come to the show, too.
02:37:47.000 So if the improv can figure that out, we'll do that.
02:37:50.000 Can I show my poster, Joe?
02:37:51.000 Yeah, yeah.
02:37:51.000 We'll tell people about it, too, because most of this is people listening.
02:37:54.000 Oh yeah, so I've had this poster made, which is I'm only making 666 of them.
02:38:02.000 And they're these giant posters, these incredible, awesome posters that Justin McAllister, this amazing artist made of me getting possessed by my satanic puppet.
02:38:12.000 As you can see, this is it.
02:38:14.000 Once we get 666 of these through all the homes in America, they will make a chaos vortex and the singularity will happen.
02:38:22.000 So please purchase one of these posters.
02:38:25.000 Dude, I need one signed.
02:38:28.000 Done.
02:38:29.000 Done.
02:38:29.000 I'm tempted to give you 666 out of 666. I'll take it.
02:38:33.000 I'll take it.
02:38:34.000 That's a good lucky number for me.
02:38:36.000 That's it to the end of... 0.98
02:38:38.000 Listen, you guys have been cool as fuck. 0.99
02:38:41.000 You've been with us, some of you, from the very beginning and that's ridiculous. 0.99
02:38:46.000 I can't believe you stuck out this long. 0.99
02:38:48.000 Crazy.
02:38:48.000 And we can't believe how many people enjoy the show.
02:38:51.000 We love doing it and there's nothing more I can say.
02:38:53.000 I know Brian feels the same way.
02:38:55.000 Yeah.
02:38:56.000 Don't you?
02:38:57.000 Yeah, it's sweet.
02:38:59.000 Well, what is it like to you?
02:39:00.000 I mean, this is our 200th episode, dude.
02:39:02.000 Just tell these people how it feels.
02:39:03.000 It's a lot of talking about stuff that happens in your life.
02:39:08.000 And now you know us more than...
02:39:10.000 My friend Shane Green, he's having a baby today.
02:39:14.000 He's like my best friend.
02:39:16.000 You guys at home know me way more than he knows me.
02:39:21.000 Because of all the talking on the podcast. 0.97
02:39:23.000 You know more about all of us, and it's freaky as fuck. 0.92
02:39:27.000 But what's also cool is it feels like you know me better than my best friend. 0.99
02:39:33.000 How fucking crazy is that?
02:39:34.000 Dude, I had somebody come up to me on the street, and after a few minutes talking, they asked me about my friend in college, Emil, and they knew his name. 0.98
02:39:41.000 They're like, how's Emil, man?
02:39:43.000 It's like, dude, that's something that someone would find out about me months into a friendship, you know? 0.98
02:39:49.000 It's fucking crazy. 0.92
02:39:50.000 And barely remember. 0.99
02:39:52.000 Yeah, totally.
02:39:53.000 Yeah, the podcast is a strange thing.
02:39:55.000 It's the best thing that ever happened for us for stand-up.
02:39:58.000 Now, when you go on stage, they know what you're going to do. 1.00
02:40:01.000 They know you're a fucking weirdo. 1.00
02:40:02.000 They look forward to it. 1.00
02:40:04.000 They get excited about it.
02:40:06.000 Look, that's it.
02:40:08.000 That's all I can say.
02:40:09.000 We appreciate that you guys appreciate it.
02:40:11.000 By no means do we take it for granted.
02:40:14.000 It's very, very important to us.
02:40:16.000 That's exactly why the podcast is going to remain free.
02:40:20.000 It's always going to be free.
02:40:21.000 I'm never going to do this thing for money.
02:40:23.000 I'll figure out a way to make money.
02:40:24.000 We'll move it around.
02:40:26.000 I love the idea of putting something out there that is absolutely 100% free.
02:40:32.000 And, you know, that's what we've managed to do. 0.94
02:40:34.000 I know a lot of people think that our ads are too long, but whatever, bitch, it's all free. 1.00
02:40:38.000 You can fast-forward through it, man. 0.93
02:40:39.000 Yeah, you can fast-forward through it.
02:40:40.000 And by the way, it's like, you know, I mean, what is that?
02:40:44.000 Flashlight?
02:40:45.000 You're doing something with it?
02:40:47.000 By the way, it's not like you have to listen to that part. 0.99
02:40:49.000 Don't be silly. 0.97
02:40:50.000 Everything else is free. 0.99
02:40:51.000 You can jump ahead.
02:40:52.000 Yeah.
02:40:53.000 Don't buy a Fleshlight if you don't need one, but if you want one, they're awesome.
02:40:56.000 Go to Fleshlight.com.
02:40:58.000 Enter in the code name ROGAN. Save yourself 15% off the number one sex toy for men.
02:41:02.000 Number one, bitches, there's a bunch of different textures and shit if you want to get crazy. 1.00
02:41:06.000 If you're a connoisseur, what is it? 1.00
02:41:08.000 They call you a foodie if you're a food connoisseur. 0.98
02:41:10.000 What do they call you if you're a sex toy person? 0.98
02:41:13.000 Are you a sexy? 0.99
02:41:14.000 I don't know.
02:41:14.000 Would you call you a sexy?
02:41:16.000 Well, I'm a sexy.
02:41:16.000 I try toys.
02:41:18.000 I stick things in my ass. 1.00
02:41:20.000 A sex toy connoisseur. 1.00
02:41:21.000 Yeah, I'm big on dildos. 0.99
02:41:22.000 Why isn't there a show like the guy... 1.00
02:41:23.000 Once I got past the feeling of something in my ass. 1.00
02:41:25.000 They need that show. 1.00
02:41:26.000 Like the guy who goes around and eats food. 1.00
02:41:27.000 There should be a guy who goes around the contrary fucking sex toys. 1.00
02:41:31.000 That's totally possible. 1.00
02:41:32.000 You could do a series of that for an internet porn site.
02:41:36.000 Brian, talk to one of your people in the industry.
02:41:38.000 You know people. 1.00
02:41:39.000 That shit would work. 1.00
02:41:40.000 That would be a good... 1.00
02:41:40.000 You could have a comic do it. 1.00
02:41:43.000 Have a comic, you know, some Tripoli-type character.
02:41:45.000 Tripoli would be perfect.
02:41:47.000 Tripoli would be perfect.
02:41:49.000 We should start producing our own shows.
02:41:51.000 We should start producing our own shows.
02:41:53.000 That's what the next move is. 0.99
02:41:54.000 We've got to hire a goddamn camera guy and start doing... 0.98
02:41:58.000 Anytime we have an idea for a sketch, we just... 0.99
02:42:00.000 That right there.
02:42:01.000 Just do it.
02:42:02.000 That needs to be done. 0.99
02:42:03.000 A guy who just travels around the country and fucks everything. 0.98
02:42:05.000 Yeah. 1.00
02:42:06.000 Goes in there, I'll tell one of these, and he sticks things in his ass and tells you what it felt like. 1.00
02:42:10.000 Well, you know, I don't like something in my ass, but it makes you cum way harder. 1.00
02:42:14.000 So he's got a fucking vibrator in there. 1.00
02:42:16.000 It'd be a great show, man. 1.00
02:42:17.000 It'd be a great show.
02:42:18.000 Yeah, we just wouldn't be able to show it all. 0.99
02:42:20.000 We'd have to hide shit from people. 0.98
02:42:22.000 Go to Fleshlight. 1.00
02:42:24.000 Go buy yourself some goodies.
02:42:25.000 Okay?
02:42:26.000 That's the end of that commercial.
02:42:27.000 Go to Onnit.com.
02:42:28.000 If you want to, you don't have to.
02:42:30.000 O-N-N-I-T. That is where you can buy all the crazy new tropics and supplements that we talked about.
02:42:37.000 And coming soon, we're going to have some ridiculous exercise equipment that I'll show you guys. 0.86
02:42:41.000 It's going to blow your mind. 0.59
02:42:42.000 It's going to freak you out.
02:42:44.000 That's it.
02:42:45.000 That's the end of our 200th podcast.
02:42:46.000 We thank you very much.
02:42:48.000 We appreciate you very much.
02:42:49.000 And we'll be back next week. 1.00
02:42:51.000 You dirty bitches. 1.00
02:42:53.000 God is love. 1.00
02:42:54.000 One for all.