The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #2001 - Gabriel Iglesias

00:00:12.000 Finally.

00:00:13.000 Finally you're here.

00:00:14.000 Finally.

00:00:15.000 You're one of the most requested guys ever.

00:00:17.000 And I was like, I gotta see him somewhere.

00:00:18.000 I gotta run into him.

00:00:20.000 We'll make it happen.

00:00:21.000 So we made it happen.

00:00:22.000 I'm excited to see you, brother.

00:00:24.000 It's a pleasure, finally.

00:00:25.000 I mean, we've run in so many similar circles for so many years.

00:00:28.000 Well, we ran into each other at the Canelo fight.

00:00:30.000 Yeah.

00:00:31.000 Yeah.

00:00:31.000 But I mean, God, I've been seeing you for 20 years.

00:00:34.000 Yeah.

00:00:35.000 Well, you were always the hero of the Ice House.

00:00:37.000 We'd go down to the Ice House. 0.98

00:00:38.000 How the fuck does he sell out so many shows? 0.99

00:00:41.000 Gabriel's doing like a 2 in the afternoon show, a 4 p.m. 0.99

00:00:44.000 show.

00:00:44.000 How many shows did you do in a day at one point in time?

00:00:47.000 The most I ever did in one day, like full sets, not just like a 10-minute spot.

00:00:51.000 Four shows.

00:00:52.000 Four full one-hour shows.

00:00:54.000 But yeah, we were doing matinee shows at the Ice House.

00:00:57.000 It's wild.

00:00:58.000 It was wild.

00:00:59.000 Like, you know, we'd go down there and see the signs and all the pictures.

00:01:02.000 It was like, this is crazy. 1.00

00:01:04.000 Like, who the fuck is doing that? 0.99

00:01:05.000 You know, because I was doing, they were calling them kid shows because I was allowing all ages. 0.99

00:01:11.000 Bob Fisher was bending the rules to let me have, you know.

00:01:14.000 That's great.

00:01:14.000 Because your act is perfect for that.

00:01:16.000 But, you know, I mean, I tailored it.

00:01:19.000 I tailored it.

00:01:19.000 Sure.

00:01:19.000 So, you know, of course, you know, you take a cuss words on certain topics.

00:01:22.000 Right.

00:01:22.000 But for the most part, it was a friendly show.

00:01:23.000 Well, you can do that is what I'm saying.

00:01:25.000 Like, you could float in and out of that world. 1.00

00:01:28.000 You know, you could be clean and then you can fuck around. 1.00

00:01:30.000 A little bit, yeah. 1.00

00:01:31.000 Yeah.

00:01:32.000 A little cut loose.

00:01:33.000 So the set that you would hear at 2 o'clock probably isn't the set you'd hear at, you know, the 1030 show.

00:01:37.000 Yeah.

00:01:38.000 So you go from that to doing Dodger Stadium.

00:01:41.000 Well, there was a couple shows in between. 0.99

00:01:43.000 I know, but what the fuck, dude? 0.99

00:01:45.000 What is that? 0.99

00:01:46.000 That had to be a trip. 0.99

00:01:49.000 What the fuck was that like? 0.99

00:01:50.000 You know what? 0.99

00:01:52.000 I thought that I was going to be super nervous doing that show, but it was probably one of the most calm experiences for me as far as not feeling pressure because it felt more like a celebration versus me having to perform.

00:02:06.000 All these people are already here because they know what I've done over the years.

00:02:11.000 And it's not like, oh, I hope I have a good set.

00:02:14.000 Right.

00:02:16.000 I forget how many people told him, but there were so many people there that all they want is for you to do good.

00:02:21.000 They want to see you succeed.

00:02:24.000 They want this to go well for you.

00:02:27.000 Bro, that's so crazy!

00:02:28.000 And to feel that energy of people wanting you to succeed, wanting you to do good.

00:02:33.000 People that were there for the ride back at the Ice House 20-some-odd years ago.

00:02:37.000 Look at all those people.

00:02:39.000 That is insane. 0.56

00:02:41.000 That's insane.

00:02:44.000 It was a beautiful moment.

00:02:45.000 I was choked up in the first 30 seconds walking out there because they just kept cheering.

00:02:49.000 And then I said, we did it.

00:02:52.000 And it was over after that.

00:02:54.000 So it was a big emotional show for me.

00:02:58.000 On Netflix, it was an hour and almost two hours.

00:03:01.000 But the actual night, I was on stage for over three.

00:03:04.000 Wow.

00:03:05.000 And they could not get me off that stage.

00:03:06.000 Because then I broke out a bottle of tequila and then I turned it into a big quinceanera is what I did at the end.

00:03:12.000 And I got fined by Dodger Stadium for going over the time.

00:03:17.000 That's hilarious.

00:03:17.000 If you run the light of the club, it's all right, come on, maybe you mess up.

00:03:20.000 How much did they fine you?

00:03:21.000 Well, you don't have to say.

00:03:22.000 It was over $100.

00:03:23.000 Oh, Jesus Christ.

00:03:24.000 Come on, guys. 0.99

00:03:25.000 Stop being cunts. 0.99

00:03:27.000 Is that like operating costs? 1.00

00:03:28.000 Like, what is that?

00:03:28.000 Well, you got to figure all the costs that go into like, you know, the union, the staff.

00:03:33.000 I mean, there's so many people that work there.

00:03:35.000 How to be worth it, though.

00:03:36.000 Yes.

00:03:36.000 I do it all over again.

00:03:37.000 It was the greatest night of my life.

00:03:39.000 And so happy to pay the fine.

00:03:41.000 That's amazing.

00:03:42.000 When I saw Bill Burr do Fenway Park, a similar sort of situation. 0.99

00:03:47.000 You know, like, holy shit. 0.99

00:03:48.000 And to do it in your hometown. 1.00

00:03:50.000 That's the best part.

00:03:51.000 I think it's always harder to get love at home.

00:03:54.000 You know, that's why you go out on the road and you do your thing.

00:03:57.000 And I think that...

00:03:58.000 Getting that love at home.

00:04:00.000 I never got to perform at a comedy club at home until I became successful on the road.

00:04:05.000 I didn't get the Laugh Factories or the Comedy Stores or the Improvs until I went out and did.

00:04:09.000 That doesn't make sense though.

00:04:10.000 Why would that be true?

00:04:12.000 Were you hanging around?

00:04:13.000 You gotta figure, 20 some odd years ago, maybe they had a Latino night. 1.00

00:04:18.000 You had to really know somebody.

00:04:20.000 Somebody had to really vouch for you.

00:04:23.000 It was weird.

00:04:24.000 Most of my shows were at bars.

00:04:26.000 So what year did you start?

00:04:27.000 I started in 97. 97. So, most of those years, you're hopping around, doing bars.

00:04:34.000 One-nighters and stuff like that.

00:04:35.000 Oh, so-and-so has a room.

00:04:36.000 So-and-so has a room.

00:04:38.000 You know, blah, blah, blah.

00:04:39.000 Joey Diaz took me to a lot of those places.

00:04:40.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00

00:04:41.000 Joey Diaz would tell you, come on, motherfucker. 1.00

00:04:42.000 You want to go to the real place? 1.00

00:04:44.000 He would take you to some Chinese restaurant in the middle of nowhere.

00:04:47.000 It's run by Mexican people.

00:04:49.000 It was amazing. 1.00

00:04:50.000 Joey would take you to all these fucking crazy shows. 0.99

00:04:55.000 But he had a philosophy behind him. 0.99

00:04:57.000 He was like, you know, I want to go everywhere.

00:04:59.000 I want to go everywhere. 1.00

00:05:00.000 I want to get in front of these fucking momos. 1.00

00:05:02.000 I want to go down to the east side and rock those motherfuckers. 1.00

00:05:05.000 He wanted to do all kinds of different shows just to feel it out. 0.99

00:05:12.000 I think he's right.

00:05:13.000 Those dingy bar shows, there's something about those shows that teach a little extra muscle.

00:05:17.000 It's humbling.

00:05:18.000 But the cool part was is that I was used to performing in places like that before I actually got an audience that was willing to just be quiet and listen.

00:05:26.000 Yes.

00:05:27.000 So I felt like, oh, wow, that was hard, you know, because you have to come out the gate swinging to get people in a bar, people that are focused on the game, focused on trying to hook up, having a drink, trying to wait, you know, waiting for somebody.

00:05:39.000 There's all kinds of different things happening.

00:05:41.000 And so the fact that, you know, to be able to go out there and get their attention.

00:05:45.000 Yeah.

00:05:45.000 You know, that was like a...

00:05:48.000 It was school.

00:05:49.000 It was school.

00:05:50.000 Yeah, it is school.

00:05:50.000 It is school.

00:05:50.000 It's a school that no one is going to give you a lesson plan.

00:05:53.000 You've got to kind of do it all yourself.

00:05:55.000 And you've got to learn from the other people that are doing it, like Joey.

00:05:58.000 But it's like I did the same thing in Boston.

00:06:00.000 Mostly we got road gigs because those are the ones that, you know, they would pay you to drive for two hours and do some, you know, 40 minutes in front of a bunch of crazy people.

00:06:09.000 And you were excited to do it.

00:06:11.000 Oh, my God.

00:06:11.000 Yeah, it was amazing.

00:06:12.000 Just the fact that you were making money doing comedy was amazing.

00:06:15.000 And you're learning how to do it.

00:06:16.000 You're learning how to do it the hard way.

00:06:18.000 And restaurants and bars and pubs and just weird little outdoor venues.

00:06:23.000 There was no social media back then, no YouTube, no TikTok video clips, no nothing that you could post.

00:06:27.000 You just had to go out and...

00:06:28.000 But honestly, that's great.

00:06:30.000 Because that gave you this chance to, first of all, know you really wanted it.

00:06:34.000 Because if you were really going to grind it out every night, going to all these weird, shitty places for no money, for years, for years you're not making any money.

00:06:42.000 You've got to be committed to that.

00:06:43.000 Because a lot of people, they've got half, one foot in, one foot out.

00:06:46.000 They have one good set.

00:06:47.000 And they're like, you know, maybe I'll give comedy a try. 0.99

00:06:49.000 But guys like you and guys like me, we're out there every fucking night. 0.98

00:06:54.000 Every night. 0.97

00:06:55.000 I knew that with time, money would come as long as I stuck it out.

00:07:00.000 I was in a very cush position when I started doing stand-up.

00:07:04.000 So it was a little challenging to say goodbye to security.

00:07:09.000 I had a great gig selling cell phones.

00:07:12.000 I was making about 5k a month.

00:07:14.000 In 1997, working in sales, making that, I never had insurance.

00:07:19.000 I had a nice little PPO plan.

00:07:21.000 Couldn't you work there during the day?

00:07:23.000 I did.

00:07:24.000 For how long?

00:07:24.000 I did.

00:07:25.000 I lasted about a year because I found out that I couldn't just do my job and then go do shows at night.

00:07:32.000 And then go home.

00:07:33.000 You couldn't go home.

00:07:34.000 You had to stay out.

00:07:35.000 We had to wind up at a Denny's.

00:07:37.000 You had to wind up at some freaking taco shop or whatever at 2, 3 o'clock in the morning talking to other comics because that was the only other way you were going to find out about another show.

00:07:45.000 You couldn't send a tweet.

00:07:46.000 You couldn't send a text because you didn't have that as an option.

00:07:48.000 You had to talk to people.

00:07:50.000 Hey, so-and-so has a room.

00:07:52.000 Oh, really?

00:07:52.000 Okay, give me that number.

00:07:53.000 And you had to learn to write numbers and save numbers and information and learn how to follow up.

00:07:58.000 Hey, what do you think about, you know, and then, yeah, yeah.

00:08:01.000 Can you vouch for me?

00:08:02.000 That meant a lot back then.

00:08:03.000 Someone calling on your behalf.

00:08:05.000 Hey, so-and-so's got a tight 10. Yeah, it's huge.

00:08:08.000 That's huge.

00:08:09.000 So, staying out late at night, coming home at 4 or 5 in the morning and then having to be up at 7 to go do my 9 to 5. Fortunately, I was young and I was able to hang for about a year and then I just couldn't.

00:08:22.000 I was falling asleep at work and I got caught.

00:08:26.000 I got caught.

00:08:28.000 I was working inside of a little kiosk selling cell phones and one time I just kind of, let me do some inventory here on the floor and then I guess I was snoring and somebody caught me.

00:08:37.000 Oh my god.

00:08:37.000 And I'm like, ugh.

00:08:39.000 Oh my god.

00:08:41.000 That's a beautiful story though.

00:08:43.000 That's an American dream.

00:08:44.000 And I thought that because I had done a couple of television shows and I saw the money that I could make doing stand-up at that time, I said, oh, well, and you start doing the math, the delusional math.

00:08:55.000 Well, if I get one of these a month and I do this and this and this, I only need this much to pay my rent, this much to pay my car, I'm going to be fine.

00:09:02.000 And I quit my day job and I got evicted from my apartment because I ran out of money so fast.

00:09:10.000 They came after my car.

00:09:11.000 The repo guy was looking for the car.

00:09:12.000 I got evicted.

00:09:13.000 I went to go sleep on my sister's couch.

00:09:17.000 It was one of those.

00:09:18.000 And everybody's like, well, go get your job back.

00:09:20.000 And I'm like, if I do, then I'm not going to pursue this.

00:09:23.000 How old were you at the time?

00:09:24.000 20, 21. Yeah, you could still kind of fuck up a little bit at 20, 21. I had no problem sleeping in a car at that age. 0.97

00:09:30.000 Now I'm like...

00:09:31.000 Now it would suck.

00:09:33.000 Maybe I gotta get that day job back.

00:09:34.000 But no, back then I was willing to do whatever it took.

00:09:37.000 But that's what you're supposed to do.

00:09:39.000 I've met a lot.

00:09:40.000 Tony did that.

00:09:41.000 I know a lot of people that did that.

00:09:42.000 A lot of people slept in their car.

00:09:43.000 Brian Simpson was homeless.

00:09:45.000 Yeah.

00:09:46.000 It's like, if you really believe in it...

00:09:47.000 You know what?

00:09:48.000 Yeah.

00:09:48.000 What are you willing to do?

00:09:49.000 What are you willing to sacrifice to make it happen?

00:09:51.000 Because there's a path.

00:09:54.000 It can be done.

00:09:55.000 It's just not easy.

00:09:57.000 It's not easy.

00:09:58.000 And you've got to hope you have talent and hope you're not delusional.

00:10:02.000 And hope you can figure it out and maximize that talent.

00:10:06.000 Because a lot of people say that they want it, but do they?

00:10:10.000 A lot of people say a lot of things.

00:10:14.000 People are scared of being uncomfortable.

00:10:16.000 That's really what it is.

00:10:17.000 They're scared of challenges.

00:10:19.000 They're scared of being uncomfortable.

00:10:20.000 And I get it.

00:10:22.000 I got it.

00:10:23.000 But, you know, the key is like being around a bunch of other people that are also taking risks.

00:10:27.000 It helps you a lot.

00:10:29.000 You see them do it and then you want to do it too.

00:10:31.000 If you're around people that are trying to go, bro, listen to me. 1.00

00:10:34.000 Get your fucking job back. 1.00

00:10:35.000 Stop being a moron. 1.00

00:10:36.000 You're not going to make it. 1.00

00:10:37.000 I never thought you were that funny.

00:10:39.000 If you're around guys like that.

00:10:41.000 A lot.

00:10:41.000 Those are your buddies.

00:10:44.000 That's a drag.

00:10:45.000 That's a drag.

00:10:46.000 Well, a lot of those voices I heard were family, not necessarily friends.

00:10:49.000 It's like even closer.

00:10:50.000 Yeah.

00:10:51.000 Yeah, but they're just looking out for you.

00:10:54.000 They're worried.

00:10:56.000 They didn't know.

00:10:57.000 If they had a magic crystal ball, they'd be like, oh.

00:10:59.000 Oh, okay.

00:11:00.000 Oh, I should have been more supportive.

00:11:01.000 You would have bought me something nice.

00:11:03.000 In the beginning, they're also like, oh, you want to do that?

00:11:06.000 How cool.

00:11:06.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:11:07.000 You can do it.

00:11:08.000 Go for it.

00:11:09.000 Follow your dreams.

00:11:10.000 Happy for you.

00:11:12.000 And then you do it.

00:11:13.000 Oh, okay.

00:11:15.000 Well, when they see the reality, like the homeless part...

00:11:17.000 In the not having any money part, not having any healthcare part, when you used to.

00:11:23.000 And then the uncertainty of it all.

00:11:25.000 It's not like going to law school, you graduate the bar, yeah, there's a path.

00:11:29.000 We don't even have a school for it.

00:11:31.000 You have to figure it out on your own.

00:11:33.000 It's like every other, even if you want, I mean, there's many, many, many self-taught musicians, right?

00:11:37.000 But you could learn on YouTube how to play guitar.

00:11:40.000 You can learn on YouTube how to play the piano.

00:11:42.000 You can take lessons.

00:11:43.000 They're available everywhere.

00:11:45.000 Someone can teach you how to maximize your voice, whatever singing voice you have.

00:11:49.000 There's nothing that anybody can show you about comedy.

00:11:52.000 Because it's such a broader spectrum.

00:11:55.000 Like, you know, what works for one person will definitely not work for another.

00:11:59.000 Yeah.

00:11:59.000 You know, and I think it's all in what you put out that makes it work.

00:12:05.000 Yeah, for sure.

00:12:06.000 The only thing a comedy class is good for is it actually gets people on stage.

00:12:10.000 Getting you on stage is the first thing.

00:12:12.000 One thing that I feel like I had an advantage when I started doing stand-up was I took speech classes in high school and so I was very comfortable getting up in front of the class and Just talking.

00:12:27.000 Just talking.

00:12:27.000 There was no jokes back then.

00:12:29.000 It was just, can you get in front of the crowd?

00:12:31.000 Can you convey a message?

00:12:33.000 Can you talk about whatever?

00:12:35.000 So I got very comfortable with people being quiet.

00:12:38.000 A lot of times people don't, they freak out when the audience is quiet.

00:12:42.000 And I like it when they're quiet because it means they're listening.

00:12:46.000 They're listening to you.

00:12:47.000 And at this point, if the crowd is quiet, they trust that whatever I'm going to do is going to work because they're paying attention.

00:12:57.000 It took a long time for me to get used to that.

00:13:00.000 Yeah, getting used to talking to people.

00:13:02.000 That's huge.

00:13:03.000 Just getting used to being like the center of attention.

00:13:06.000 That's huge.

00:13:07.000 Having eyeballs in.

00:13:08.000 Because a lot of times, you know, it's like people say, oh, the scariest thing in the world, jumping out of an airplane or doing this or, you know, go cliff diving.

00:13:14.000 But, you know, most people cannot handle being in front of a crowd.

00:13:18.000 Most people get uncomfortable.

00:13:19.000 They're like, oh.

00:13:21.000 You know what Whitney told me?

00:13:21.000 Whitney Cummings told me that that originates from...

00:13:25.000 The ancient tribes that we used to live in when you were brought in front of the tribe to be judged.

00:13:30.000 That's why they were all looking at you.

00:13:31.000 When there's all those people looking at you, it's either there's some sort of a dilemma that you have to warn people about or you're being judged.

00:13:38.000 Both those things are riddled with anxiety.

00:13:40.000 Yeah.

00:13:41.000 Oh, totally.

00:13:42.000 So we have a natural instinct.

00:13:44.000 Not like, oh, look, all my friends.

00:13:45.000 What's up, guys?

00:13:46.000 It's just like, oh, Jesus.

00:13:49.000 Everyone's looking at me. 1.00

00:13:50.000 Holy shit. 1.00

00:13:51.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:13:52.000 I was teaching martial arts, so I was used to people listening to me.

00:13:55.000 So I did that.

00:13:57.000 I think that helped me a lot because I had a lot of social anxiety when I was young, like just talking to people.

00:14:01.000 But then when I had to learn how to teach people, you know, so I'd teach classes all the time.

00:14:06.000 So I'd always have, like, groups of people that I was demonstrating things to.

00:14:10.000 So I got used to talking to people that way.

00:14:12.000 Yeah.

00:14:13.000 Then you get a microphone and you hear your voice for the first time on a PA and you're like, oh, wow.

00:14:19.000 I remember hearing myself and I'm like, that's what I sound like to people?

00:14:24.000 Let me put some bass in there.

00:14:27.000 Yeah.

00:14:27.000 Also, you want to use the mic?

00:14:30.000 And then there's the dilemma.

00:14:31.000 Do I keep it in the stand?

00:14:32.000 Do I hold it?

00:14:33.000 There's so many factors.

00:14:34.000 Someone taught me about mic technique.

00:14:36.000 You know, the way you hold it.

00:14:37.000 Do you hold it tight, high up?

00:14:39.000 You know, there's some comics that ride the mic really low or keep the mic really low.

00:14:42.000 And there's some that choke, you know, have it right here, like the wrapping or something.

00:14:48.000 Joey Diaz keeps it in the stand.

00:14:50.000 And that works for him.

00:14:51.000 That works great for him.

00:14:52.000 Kevin does the same thing.

00:14:52.000 Kevin Hart will keep it in the stand.

00:14:55.000 I've tried that.

00:14:56.000 It does not work for me.

00:14:57.000 I need to be mobile with it.

00:14:58.000 Yeah, I feel like I have too many hands.

00:15:00.000 I want that right there.

00:15:02.000 I want to be able to switch hands.

00:15:03.000 I want to move it around.

00:15:05.000 And then I'm one of those that tell stories with their hands.

00:15:07.000 So I'm always, you know, I've got to be able to be mobile and move and just, you know, all right, here we go.

00:15:12.000 It's crazy that you made it and then started getting in at the clubs in LA. That is crazy.

00:15:19.000 Yeah, so first time out on the road, I was doing a comedy club called Bart Reed's Comic Strip in El Paso, Texas.

00:15:25.000 And I was there as an opener, and that was the first time I did a comedy club, was Bart Reed's Comic Strip, El Paso.

00:15:33.000 That's where I had to go, and I'm from LA. You know what I mean?

00:15:35.000 Like, I've done a million bars and dives and little holes in the wall.

00:15:38.000 That was the first real comedy club.

00:15:41.000 And then I remember I went on the road actually with Joe Diaz and with Marilyn Martinez.

00:15:46.000 And so I did a show with the two of them.

00:15:48.000 And getting a comedy course from Marilyn Martinez and Joey Diaz at the same time is something I will never forget because the two of them are so, like, they were just yin and yang.

00:15:58.000 You know, I remember how awesome that friendship was.

00:16:01.000 And they were just so real and raw with me.

00:16:03.000 And I'm just sitting there and I'm this 21-year-old kid.

00:16:06.000 And I'm just like, oh, my God.

00:16:08.000 Yeah.

00:16:10.000 And if you knew the two of them, you'd know, like, wow, that's a hell of a lesson that you get.

00:16:16.000 Well, that is a beautiful thing about people when they think you're funny, that they will take you under their wing.

00:16:20.000 They will give you some advice, and we'll talk to you about stuff.

00:16:23.000 Both of them were super nice.

00:16:25.000 Yeah, they were both super nice.

00:16:27.000 Yeah, I miss Marilyn.

00:16:28.000 She was always cool to hang around at the store.

00:16:30.000 She was hilarious. 0.53

00:16:31.000 Sit in the back and listen to Marilyn critique the comics.

00:16:35.000 Oh, look at him.

00:16:36.000 He thinks he's gonna make it.

00:16:39.000 Her and Joey together too.

00:16:40.000 What a one-two punch.

00:16:43.000 Yeah.

00:16:44.000 Yeah, like having relationships with those comics that have already gone through the gates and they can tell you what's going on.

00:16:49.000 Like, hey, I was right where you were at.

00:16:51.000 You can just...

00:16:52.000 Keep going.

00:16:53.000 You're going to be alright.

00:16:54.000 Hang in there.

00:16:55.000 Keep doing sets.

00:16:56.000 Keep working on it.

00:16:57.000 And the beauty of it back then, which I think is missing now, is because social media is so strong, everybody would rather just talk through the phone.

00:17:06.000 Whereas back then I felt like it was a lot more...

00:17:08.000 I've met so many comics online that I haven't met face to face yet, which I think is crazy.

00:17:13.000 Yeah.

00:17:14.000 Well, we're a little scattered now.

00:17:16.000 It's not like a home base anymore. 0.98

00:17:19.000 It used to be home bases were New York and L.A. Now, L.A.'s kind of fucked.

00:17:23.000 And Austin is more of a home base for a lot of comics than L.A. And New York is different than it used to be.

00:17:30.000 A lot of guys kind of moved to different places during the pandemic.

00:17:34.000 So it's weird.

00:17:36.000 It's weird.

00:17:36.000 I guess the cellar is a great place to go and hang out with people.

00:17:39.000 And the store is still a great place if you know who's going to be there.

00:17:43.000 To hang out with people.

00:17:43.000 But that's half the fun for me.

00:17:46.000 I mean, I know it's like in the early days you were getting phone numbers and learning about gigs, but it's also you're hanging out with comics.

00:17:51.000 You know, that is my favorite thing.

00:17:53.000 Because you're all talking about comedy.

00:17:55.000 Yeah.

00:17:55.000 And you can't talk about comedy with people that don't get it.

00:17:58.000 Exactly.

00:17:59.000 Trying to, you know, talk to my brother about it.

00:18:01.000 He's like, oh, yeah, it sounds cool.

00:18:02.000 Like, you don't understand.

00:18:03.000 And it's just like, ugh.

00:18:05.000 Yeah, you have to talk to people who are actually doing it.

00:18:07.000 And, you know, they're just the most fun to talk to.

00:18:11.000 Like, when we have...

00:18:12.000 Shows at the mothership and then afterwards we're hanging out in the green room.

00:18:15.000 We're just laughing. 0.99

00:18:16.000 Just laughing and talking shit and slapping the couch and having a good time. 0.99

00:18:21.000 And everyone's just getting on everybody and it's just fun. 0.99

00:18:24.000 It's really fun, man.

00:18:26.000 It's a good time.

00:18:27.000 Music's playing.

00:18:27.000 You know, it's like one of the coolest parties you could ever be a part of and it happens like almost every night.

00:18:33.000 We're always laughing like, God damn, we're so lucky.

00:18:36.000 Yeah, because we could be doing something completely different. 1.00

00:18:38.000 You do something that sucks. 0.98

00:18:39.000 You've got to appreciate it. 0.78

00:18:40.000 The beauty of just laughter and just being able to hang out and be real and just hang out.

00:18:46.000 Yeah.

00:18:47.000 Yeah.

00:18:48.000 No, it's amazing.

00:18:50.000 We're very fortunate we found it, you know?

00:18:52.000 It's the one job where it's like, normally when you're done, you punch out and you go home.

00:18:56.000 But like, once you get off stage, like, okay, now just hang out and watch everybody else and get a drink, you know?

00:19:03.000 Hey, how come you don't have food at your club?

00:19:05.000 Just...

00:19:07.000 Sorry, I just put that up.

00:19:08.000 Why do I not want to have food in my club?

00:19:09.000 Because it's a distraction.

00:19:11.000 Do you want to look down and see people eating while they're watching a show?

00:19:14.000 They're there for a show.

00:19:15.000 I get it.

00:19:16.000 Yeah.

00:19:17.000 I get it with you.

00:19:18.000 I get it.

00:19:19.000 I get what you're saying.

00:19:21.000 But...

00:19:22.000 Yeah.

00:19:23.000 No.

00:19:23.000 It gets in the way.

00:19:24.000 It used to be no food at the store, and then they started adding food, and it was just like...

00:19:28.000 I think it just gets in the way.

00:19:29.000 I mean, I don't have a problem with clubs that do it.

00:19:32.000 A lot of clubs have great food.

00:19:33.000 The improvs always have great food.

00:19:34.000 But...

00:19:36.000 I think it's a distraction, you know?

00:19:38.000 And also, it brings roaches.

00:19:41.000 Okay, I didn't think about that.

00:19:42.000 Yeah, if you have food laying around.

00:19:44.000 One of the things that we found when we first looked at the club, the club was the Alamo Draft House before it was the comedy club. 0.98

00:19:52.000 So we went in there and they had this huge kitchen that would make pizzas and shit in, and there was fucking giant roaches everywhere. 1.00

00:19:58.000 Like, you were seeing these fat boys just running around, big thick cigarette lighter looking motherfuckers running around. 1.00

00:20:05.000 Like, Jesus Christ. 1.00

00:20:08.000 Those fly too. 0.99

00:20:09.000 There was a very brief time where we entertained the idea of having a restaurant in the club too, and then I was like, no, no, fuck that. 0.96

00:20:15.000 And everybody that I talked to, all the comics were like, no, no food. 0.99

00:20:18.000 No food.

00:20:19.000 It's just a distraction.

00:20:21.000 When people have mouthfuls of food and they're barely paying attention, it's just like, it's weird.

00:20:24.000 It's just, you know, eat before you go.

00:20:27.000 Got it.

00:20:28.000 Bring snacks.

00:20:30.000 You can always get someone to go next door.

00:20:32.000 There's a pizza place next door.

00:20:33.000 There's a Mexican joint that's right next door to that.

00:20:36.000 There's all sorts of burger places on 6th Street.

00:20:40.000 There's a lot of different food.

00:20:41.000 There's food trucks.

00:20:42.000 Just send one of your boys to go out and get something.

00:20:44.000 You're good.

00:20:44.000 I'll do it.

00:20:45.000 I just had to ask.

00:20:47.000 I hear you.

00:20:50.000 Yeah, Comedy Magic Club has the best food.

00:20:52.000 Yes.

00:20:53.000 Yes.

00:20:54.000 That's like a real restaurant.

00:20:55.000 It's legit.

00:20:56.000 It is like gourmet.

00:20:57.000 Yeah, their steak is like a great restaurant steak.

00:21:00.000 Yeah, you could actually go there just to eat, and it would be like a great restaurant just to eat at.

00:21:05.000 Yeah, his place is wild, too, because all the memorabilia on the wall, like Robin Williams' outfit from Popeye's on the wall.

00:21:11.000 Yeah.

00:21:11.000 Lucio Ball's dress.

00:21:14.000 So he's got some really, really good ones.

00:21:16.000 Do you collect VW vans?

00:21:20.000 Explain.

00:21:21.000 That's more like hoarding.

00:21:23.000 I got a lot of Volkswagens.

00:21:25.000 How many do you have?

00:21:27.000 I don't want to sound like a douche, but I lost count.

00:21:29.000 It's over 20. You have more than 20 Volkswagens?

00:21:33.000 But why them?

00:21:36.000 A Volkswagen bus, a 1968 Volkswagen bus, was my first car.

00:21:41.000 And for some reason, once I started talking to Jay Leno, he showed me his collection and he started telling me about investing money and being able to enjoy your investment.

00:21:53.000 And so I had gotten my ex-girlfriend her first car back, and then his guys helped me get my first car back, which was a bus.

00:22:01.000 And they said, well, if there's anything else you want, let me know.

00:22:04.000 And I go, well, if you come across another one of these, let me know.

00:22:06.000 They called me three days later.

00:22:07.000 We got one.

00:22:08.000 And I said, well, I'll take it.

00:22:09.000 And they just kept going.

00:22:10.000 And the reason why is it's such a cool, iconic car.

00:22:15.000 There's some guys that collect nothing but Porsches.

00:22:18.000 And with a bus, no one's looking at you like, oh my god, look at another Porsche.

00:22:22.000 But with buses, it's a fun bus.

00:22:26.000 It's a cool car.

00:22:28.000 And I wanted to be known as the Volkswagen bus guy.

00:22:32.000 Look at all your buses.

00:22:33.000 That's so crazy.

00:22:35.000 I started collecting them about 10 years ago.

00:22:37.000 So do you buy them in this condition or do you have them refurbished?

00:22:41.000 No.

00:22:41.000 Well, in the beginning I would try to buy them in as good a condition as possible.

00:22:46.000 But then I met some people that do some amazing work.

00:22:49.000 There's a friend of mine named Henry Marchena who does all the restorations and he will take a bus that's all rusted out and completely just in shambles and he'll make a Picasso.

00:23:00.000 He'll make a work of art.

00:23:01.000 These buses are just...

00:23:04.000 People come in and they see them.

00:23:06.000 I mean, they light up.

00:23:08.000 They light up and...

00:23:10.000 So you've got some other cars in there too, though.

00:23:12.000 I do.

00:23:12.000 What is that?

00:23:13.000 Is that a 356?

00:23:15.000 The one to the right.

00:23:16.000 Oh, that's another VW. I can't see.

00:23:19.000 What else do you have there?

00:23:21.000 Well, I no longer have the bugs.

00:23:23.000 I only have one bug now, but it's mostly buses.

00:23:28.000 Mostly buses and one bug.

00:23:30.000 That's it.

00:23:31.000 So it's all Volkswagens.

00:23:32.000 Well, from what you see right there.

00:23:34.000 I do have muscle cars.

00:23:36.000 That's what I'm talking about.

00:23:37.000 Okay.

00:23:38.000 Let me see.

00:23:39.000 I have two 69 Chevelles.

00:23:40.000 I have one that's a Restomar and one that's all original.

00:23:44.000 I have two Camaros.

00:23:45.000 I have one that's a Restomar 69 and another 69 that's all original.

00:23:49.000 So I got one and one.

00:23:51.000 I got a 1964. Yeah, there it is.

00:23:53.000 I have a 1964 Impala that's actually stock.

00:23:58.000 So I didn't lowrider it out because everybody thought I was going to do that.

00:24:02.000 That's a beautiful year, that 69. 69 Chevelles are gorgeous.

00:24:06.000 Look at that.

00:24:07.000 Is that the restaurant or is that the original?

00:24:09.000 No, that's the original.

00:24:10.000 It's got all the paperwork.

00:24:11.000 I actually got that one at the Barrett Jackson car auction.

00:24:14.000 Oh, there it goes.

00:24:15.000 396. That's the same one from John Wick.

00:24:19.000 No, he has a 70. I have a black Chevelle that I call Cocaine Bear because, man, that thing is just obnoxious.

00:24:27.000 It is loud.

00:24:28.000 It's powerful.

00:24:29.000 It rattles.

00:24:30.000 The whole neighborhood hears it.

00:24:31.000 That's 69, too?

00:24:33.000 Yeah.

00:24:33.000 Yeah, it's badass.

00:24:35.000 So, I mean, it's not that I'm just strictly Volkswagenist, but that's how it started.

00:24:39.000 And the beauty of it is I have people that are constantly sending me pictures.

00:24:43.000 Hey, my friend is selling this.

00:24:45.000 My friend is selling that.

00:24:46.000 So, what is that?

00:24:46.000 That is a Camaro that they converted into a Firebird?

00:24:49.000 Is that what it is?

00:24:50.000 I no longer have that one, but I do have a 1979 Trans Am.

00:24:53.000 Oh, the real one.

00:24:54.000 The real one, yeah.

00:24:56.000 There's a company called Trans Am Depot in Florida, and they will take a Camaro, and then they'll turn it into a Trans Am.

00:25:04.000 And it has a Pontiac logo and everything, huh?

00:25:07.000 Yeah.

00:25:07.000 No, that's the one I still have right there.

00:25:08.000 It's blue.

00:25:09.000 It's beautiful.

00:25:10.000 Oh, wow.

00:25:11.000 Look at that pretty thing. 1.00

00:25:13.000 Trans Ams are gorgeous.

00:25:15.000 It's long, too.

00:25:16.000 The whole hood is really, really long.

00:25:17.000 Does anybody ever make a Trans Am that is a really solid driving car, though?

00:25:23.000 Has anybody done a wild Restomod with a custom chassis?

00:25:28.000 I mean, they must have.

00:25:29.000 I've never driven one or seen one, and all the Trans Ams I've been in have always been manual. 1.00

00:25:35.000 No, I mean stock.

00:25:36.000 I mean, like, whether or not they're, you know, they change the suspension.

00:25:41.000 Manual transmission is the way to go with a car like that, always.

00:25:44.000 But I mean, has anybody done like a real resto mod with a Trans Am?

00:25:48.000 They must have.

00:25:50.000 You never see them though.

00:25:51.000 You see them more like kind of in stock form.

00:25:53.000 Yeah, I mean they try to keep it looking like it, you know, they want it to have that look.

00:25:58.000 But anyway, yeah, so I have a bunch of muscle cars, but people know me as the Volkswagen bus guy.

00:26:03.000 What does it say there, Jamie, at the top?

00:26:06.000 Yeah, Trans Am gets a stunning Restomont overhaul from Retro Designs.

00:26:09.000 Okay, so this one they did.

00:26:11.000 Yeah, there they go.

00:26:13.000 They jazzed up the engine.

00:26:14.000 That's pretty.

00:26:15.000 Yeah. 0.62

00:26:19.000 Still got skinny-ass tires.

00:26:21.000 Take that photo of the back of it, the one that shows the back right there.

00:26:27.000 Yeah.

00:26:28.000 Look how skinny those are.

00:26:29.000 They're not that bad.

00:26:30.000 A little bit better.

00:26:30.000 Not that bad.

00:26:32.000 But yeah.

00:26:33.000 Yeah.

00:26:34.000 So, you know, on top of the Volkswagen's, I do got the muscle car collection, which is nice.

00:26:37.000 Dude, there's nothing like muscle cars.

00:26:39.000 There's something about those things.

00:26:41.000 Like, whatever they were doing in that time period from the late 60s to the early 70s, whatever they're doing, they stopped doing it.

00:26:48.000 Yeah, it's very different.

00:26:49.000 And I have some friends that are purists when it comes to muscle cars, so they want to keep it stock, keep it the way that it was.

00:26:55.000 And then there's some that I'm like, you know, dude, there's nothing wrong with putting an air conditioner in a car.

00:27:00.000 There's nothing wrong with, you know, adding certain safety features.

00:27:03.000 How about putting brakes at work?

00:27:03.000 Thank you.

00:27:03.000 What the fuck are you doing?

00:27:04.000 Like, all that... 1.00

00:27:06.000 Numbers matching?

00:27:07.000 I get it, but that's not for me.

00:27:09.000 I get it that people want to collect them.

00:27:10.000 Numbers matching.

00:27:11.000 But it's just for them.

00:27:12.000 It's like they say to the other numbers matching guys, and everybody's like, numbers matching.

00:27:17.000 But yeah, there's more people that just want to enjoy the car, have fun with the car, and they could care less with the numbers.

00:27:22.000 You want to not be sucking gas fumes through the exhaust.

00:27:27.000 Like, how bad do some of those smell?

00:27:28.000 Oh, man.

00:27:29.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:27:32.000 When you have a car that's over 40 years old, you get used to the smell of gas.

00:27:36.000 Yeah, they stink of gas.

00:27:37.000 And then you think at first, it's leaking.

00:27:39.000 No, it's not.

00:27:40.000 That's just the way that the car smelled back then.

00:27:41.000 Yeah, you're breathing in fumes.

00:27:43.000 You're getting a headache.

00:27:44.000 You smell the oil, you smell the gas.

00:27:46.000 But Restomods don't.

00:27:47.000 Like, Restomods, like what I was showing you, the Land Cruiser, when they use a modern crate engine...

00:27:53.000 They can just change it completely.

00:27:55.000 Yeah, so it looks original, but it handles like a modern car.

00:28:00.000 That's what I like.

00:28:01.000 I just like the character of those cars.

00:28:04.000 It's undeniable.

00:28:05.000 Like, if they made one today like that, I would say, I would want to buy one.

00:28:09.000 Like, if they made a rest of it.

00:28:12.000 They can't do it, which is kind of crazy.

00:28:14.000 Because, like, you could buy one from a company like Roadster Shop.

00:28:17.000 They made me a 1969 Camaro.

00:28:19.000 But you can't buy a 1969 Camaro from Chevy.

00:28:22.000 Like, if Chevy said, look, we're going to make a 1969 Camaro, it's not going to have any airbags, it's going to have disc brakes, but, like, you know, six-piston disc brakes, and we're going to do a modernized suspension, but it's going to be a 1969 Camaro.

00:28:35.000 But it's going to be a 1969 Camaro with a 2023 Camaro engine, and all the electronics and all that jazz.

00:28:42.000 People would buy it like crazy, but you could never get away with it, because regulations wouldn't allow it.

00:28:49.000 Yeah.

00:28:50.000 And then living in California, all these cars...

00:28:52.000 Man, you know how hard it is with the...

00:28:54.000 Getting smogged.

00:28:55.000 Yeah.

00:28:55.000 So all my cars are 1974 and below.

00:28:59.000 Yeah.

00:29:00.000 Just because I don't want a deal.

00:29:01.000 Yeah.

00:29:02.000 That's good.

00:29:03.000 I don't want a deal.

00:29:04.000 Yeah.

00:29:05.000 Yeah.

00:29:05.000 Isn't that funny?

00:29:06.000 Like, as long as they're old, they can just pollute like crazy.

00:29:08.000 Yeah.

00:29:09.000 You know?

00:29:10.000 I just think it's interesting that, you know, as time goes by, they don't move the needle.

00:29:15.000 Right.

00:29:15.000 Like, they still keep it at 1974. It's like, come on.

00:29:18.000 Well, yeah, I think that's because it's almost impossible.

00:29:21.000 Like, if you want to get, like, a 1974 Porsche and you want to convert it to modern standards of exhaust, I wonder what they would even have to do.

00:29:30.000 It might ruin the car.

00:29:32.000 Yeah, it's going to take away from the originality of it, but is it going to make it a better driver?

00:29:36.000 Are you going to have more fun with it?

00:29:38.000 Yeah, I don't think so. 0.98

00:29:39.000 I mean, I think they would have to, like, I know they do restomods with those old Porsches, but I think they just take everything out and put all modern shit in. 0.93

00:29:47.000 You know, they just kind of...

00:29:48.000 But even then, I think it's still held to the same standard of a 1974 car.

00:29:53.000 Like, as long as it's, you know, the VIN number and everything is from that age, you're kind of lying.

00:30:00.000 It's kind of not really a 1974 car.

00:30:03.000 You know?

00:30:03.000 It's really a 2023 car.

00:30:05.000 Like, if you had a 74 Porsche built by some madman who, like, made you this wicked air-cooled engine, so you're driving around in a 1974 car that's got all brand new parts.

00:30:16.000 Yeah, but they're still going to hold you to the rules.

00:30:18.000 Yeah.

00:30:18.000 I did do a, with one of my Volkswagens, I actually did a, it's called a Subaru swap.

00:30:24.000 So I took out the engine from the Volkswagen and I put in a Subaru turbo engine in it.

00:30:30.000 Oh Jesus.

00:30:30.000 Because it fit perfectly.

00:30:31.000 Oh wow.

00:30:32.000 And so now that car is like, it's fast.

00:30:35.000 It is super fast and it's quiet.

00:30:37.000 I saw a video online.

00:30:39.000 See if you can find this.

00:30:40.000 It was an old Ford Econoline van that they put a supercharged Coyote engine in.

00:30:47.000 Oh, wow.

00:30:48.000 So those ones where your face is like right at the windshield.

00:30:52.000 You ever see those?

00:30:52.000 Yeah.

00:30:53.000 It's like such a flat-faced, weird thing. 0.97

00:30:56.000 But he's got this crazy fucking supercharged Coyote Mustang engine in it. 0.97

00:31:02.000 It's just... 0.99

00:31:02.000 With an Econoline. 0.99

00:31:05.000 Yeah, some of these modifications, they don't really, you know, they're not worried about the height or, you know, you got to put everything else in there to match so that it can handle right.

00:31:14.000 They're doing it just for funsies. 0.66

00:31:15.000 Nobody really needs an Econoline van with a supercharged fucking Coyote engine in. 0.99

00:31:20.000 Have I heard anywhere? 0.99

00:31:21.000 I heard a rumor that they were going to make a Hellcat minivan.

00:31:25.000 And I'm like, you know what, I think I'm down.

00:31:28.000 I think I'm down.

00:31:30.000 No, it's actually even older than that.

00:31:32.000 That's a 1970 one, but that one someone did the same kind of thing to.

00:31:36.000 Oh, they made that one a sleeper.

00:31:38.000 That's interesting.

00:31:40.000 They kept that one kind of looking real stock on the outside.

00:31:43.000 The other one was like a tan one.

00:31:45.000 It was like a tan Econoline van, but it was a really old one.

00:31:49.000 The real flat-faced front ones.

00:31:54.000 No worries.

00:31:55.000 I should have saved it.

00:31:56.000 Someone sent it to me on Instagram, Solaris.

00:31:59.000 Yeah.

00:31:59.000 But I just always thought it was funny that you picked that one car.

00:32:03.000 So I always wanted to know.

00:32:04.000 What was it?

00:32:05.000 It was just one of those things where I really liked it.

00:32:07.000 And I started...

00:32:10.000 Making every single color that they came out with and then I ran out of...

00:32:14.000 I used the entire...

00:32:15.000 Palette?

00:32:15.000 Yeah.

00:32:16.000 And so then we just started having fun creating our own color schemes.

00:32:19.000 Oh, really?

00:32:20.000 Oh, that's awesome.

00:32:21.000 Do you drive them?

00:32:22.000 Yeah.

00:32:23.000 You take them out?

00:32:23.000 They all work.

00:32:24.000 I try not to take them on the freeway.

00:32:26.000 I mean, there's a couple that are like really, really good on the freeway, but most of the time I just rather keep them on the streets.

00:32:31.000 And they've all broken down.

00:32:32.000 They've all left me on the side of the road at one point in time.

00:32:35.000 Because if you're not driving them every day, you're going to have issues with them.

00:32:38.000 For sure.

00:32:39.000 So I got a team that's like, all right, I'm going for a drive.

00:32:41.000 Be on standby.

00:32:43.000 I won't take them out at times when I don't have people that I can get a hold of.

00:32:47.000 They're 50-plus-year-old cars, and they're stock.

00:32:50.000 And when you're saying you have some that are good on the highway, most of them have, what, a four-cylinder in them?

00:32:55.000 They're all four.

00:32:57.000 They're all tiny.

00:32:57.000 They have four bolts to put those engines in.

00:33:00.000 Really?

00:33:00.000 Yeah, it's like a big lawnmower.

00:33:02.000 So the one that does better, though, on the highway, is it just a stronger engine, just healthier?

00:33:07.000 I think that because it's the one that gets driven more.

00:33:11.000 My favorite one to drive is a 1968 that I have.

00:33:14.000 It's called a Bay Window, and it's the generation that came after the split. 0.93

00:33:18.000 So the buses had that little widow's peak in the two windows.

00:33:24.000 That stopped at 1967, and then 1968 was the full-size windshield.

00:33:29.000 And so a lot of the components, everything was more user-friendly.

00:33:33.000 It was more comfortable.

00:33:34.000 The brakes were better.

00:33:35.000 The suspension, you were able to, you know...

00:33:37.000 Yeah.

00:33:38.000 Like, the windows are slide on a 67, whereas the other one, the windows go all the way down.

00:33:42.000 They slide left and right?

00:33:43.000 Yeah, slide left and right.

00:33:44.000 So you can't, like, hang your arm out.

00:33:46.000 You can't do any of that, but it's 1968 and above.

00:33:49.000 Wow.

00:33:50.000 And what is it, like, 100 horsepower or something?

00:33:52.000 If that.

00:33:53.000 Wow.

00:33:53.000 If that.

00:33:54.000 I mean, most of them, I mean, they started off, like, what, 20, about 25, 30?

00:33:58.000 Between 25 and 30 horsepower.

00:34:01.000 For a van.

00:34:02.000 Yeah.

00:34:03.000 How many bands tried to make their way across the country in those things?

00:34:06.000 Oh, man.

00:34:06.000 You know what?

00:34:07.000 But, I mean, that was the Sprinter van of its day.

00:34:10.000 That's why people would turn those into camper vans, or they'd get the band in there, or they'd gut the whole thing out.

00:34:16.000 It was a panel van, or there were so many uses for those back then.

00:34:20.000 Yeah.

00:34:21.000 Did the Manson family have one of those?

00:34:23.000 I wouldn't doubt it.

00:34:24.000 It seemed like something they would have.

00:34:25.000 I wouldn't doubt it.

00:34:25.000 See if the Manson family had a VW van.

00:34:28.000 Someone actually tried to sell me Dr. Kevorkian's Volkswagen.

00:34:33.000 Dude, they have that at the...

00:34:34.000 I got the option to buy it.

00:34:36.000 Really?

00:34:36.000 Yeah, they tried to sell me the van, the yellow, that bus that's now at the museum in Las Vegas.

00:34:42.000 So they reached out to me because they knew.

00:34:44.000 So anytime something Volkswagen bus related pops up.

00:34:48.000 That's crazy.

00:34:49.000 So you had a chance to buy it before the museum?

00:34:52.000 Yeah, but I'm like, I can't.

00:34:54.000 It felt so eerie.

00:34:56.000 It belongs in the museum.

00:34:57.000 And even though it's like, okay, it's a good talking thing.

00:35:00.000 Hey, guess what I have over here?

00:35:01.000 I got the death machine. 1.00

00:35:02.000 Fuck that. 1.00

00:35:03.000 That's just crazy. 1.00

00:35:04.000 So yeah, you could see it at the, I think it's called the Museum of Death, I think.

00:35:09.000 I almost bought David Koresh's 1968 Mustang.

00:35:12.000 Oh, wow.

00:35:13.000 Yeah, it was for sale online.

00:35:15.000 And they were advertising it was David Koresh's Mustang.

00:35:17.000 And apparently it had Providence, so they could prove it.

00:35:20.000 And I was like, my finger was hovering over my phone.

00:35:23.000 I was like...

00:35:24.000 Do I? Because I really want one of those.

00:35:26.000 I really wanted a 69. But did you want his?

00:35:29.000 Yeah.

00:35:30.000 Part of me was like, yes.

00:35:31.000 But the other part of me is like, what if I'm opening up doors that I can never close?

00:35:35.000 What if he truly was evil?

00:35:37.000 The Branch Davidian staff car.

00:35:38.000 Made his way into the car.

00:35:40.000 Like Christine.

00:35:41.000 Remember that movie?

00:35:41.000 Oh my God.

00:35:42.000 I love that movie. 1.00

00:35:43.000 Fuck yeah. 1.00

00:35:44.000 That was it. 1.00

00:35:45.000 That was his car.

00:35:46.000 Waco cult leader.

00:35:47.000 That was the car.

00:35:48.000 I mean, come on, son, that looks strong.

00:35:49.000 That is beautiful.

00:35:50.000 Yeah.

00:35:51.000 1968. And if I was going to just drive it stock like that, I mean, just fuck around, take it to the store. 0.99

00:35:58.000 But I thought about it and I was like, I don't think, I don't want that fucking bad karma. 0.99

00:36:02.000 And you can find a car like that. 0.94

00:36:04.000 Yeah.

00:36:05.000 I have one that looks like that, but I got the white stripe on it.

00:36:08.000 It's beautiful.

00:36:09.000 It's a fun car.

00:36:10.000 Oh, man.

00:36:11.000 Yeah.

00:36:12.000 It's a fun car.

00:36:12.000 Yeah.

00:36:12.000 They're amazing cars.

00:36:14.000 Those and the restomods in those are particularly good because they're well balanced.

00:36:18.000 You know, it's like it's good shape, good size car for that kind of application.

00:36:23.000 I have a 69 that Roadster shop built me. 0.97

00:36:25.000 I fucking love it. 0.97

00:36:27.000 I saw it online. 0.98

00:36:27.000 It looks cool. 0.98

00:36:28.000 It looks really, really cool.

00:36:29.000 It's so fun.

00:36:30.000 It's so fun.

00:36:31.000 I had done as much as I could to modify the car to make it safe.

00:36:38.000 So like, for example, I put LEDs.

00:36:40.000 I took out the old stuff and I put LEDs so that it's bright.

00:36:44.000 Changed the cluster inside to make sure that it was all digital and bright so that I could see it.

00:36:50.000 And I had people getting upset with me over it.

00:36:52.000 I'm like, come on, man.

00:36:53.000 I'm like, I just want to enjoy the car.

00:36:55.000 Oh, because you were changing the original stuff? 1.00

00:36:57.000 You've got to stop talking to those fools. 1.00

00:36:58.000 Those people are idiots. 1.00

00:37:00.000 Let's leave it alone. 1.00

00:37:01.000 Come on, bro.

00:37:03.000 Everyone's gonna die.

00:37:05.000 Everyone.

00:37:06.000 And then someone else is gonna enjoy it.

00:37:07.000 Just enjoy it.

00:37:08.000 Don't try to, like, there's plenty of them that are out there that are stock.

00:37:11.000 It's not like we're running out of them.

00:37:13.000 You know, I gotta tell you, I bought something really cool last week, and I got a chance to play with it yesterday.

00:37:20.000 I bought a 1994 Ford Mustang Cobra.

00:37:25.000 The difference between that and anything else out there is that it only had 12 miles on it.

00:37:31.000 Oh, wow.

00:37:33.000 It's like a dealer car.

00:37:34.000 It was covered in plastic.

00:37:35.000 It still had the sticker in the window.

00:37:37.000 It still had all the different, you know, the barcodes and just everything on it.

00:37:42.000 So I had to rip the plastic off the seats.

00:37:45.000 Whoa.

00:37:46.000 And that, for me, was the coolest thing.

00:37:47.000 It's just like, wow.

00:37:49.000 For a 1994 car?

00:37:50.000 1994. And so the guy who bought it, I guess, was a collector of Mustangs.

00:37:55.000 And he just bought it and let it sit.

00:37:57.000 And he kept it in a temperature-controlled room.

00:38:00.000 And I guess something happened where it became available.

00:38:04.000 And I jumped on it.

00:38:05.000 And I'm like, because 1994 is the year I graduated high school.

00:38:08.000 And that's the car I wanted.

00:38:09.000 And so I think it's cool that I'm able to buy a brand new old car.

00:38:14.000 That's crazy.

00:38:15.000 How many of those are out there?

00:38:16.000 Yeah, that's, you know, I got lucky.

00:38:18.000 I found it online and I just jumped.

00:38:20.000 I'm like, it's mine.

00:38:22.000 It's funny how cars like, not just muscle cars, because muscle cars are fast, but cars like a Volkswagen, they're fun to drive, even if they're slow.

00:38:32.000 It's like so much more engaging than a regular car.

00:38:35.000 It's like you're on a little ride, like you're in a go-kart.

00:38:37.000 That's exactly what it is, and then you're sitting high.

00:38:39.000 It's a different experience, you know?

00:38:41.000 It's like, now you can get an SUV, and of course you're up there, but to be that high up, and then you're literally, your face is, the windshield's right here.

00:38:48.000 No safety.

00:38:50.000 You hit anything and you're just, bye.

00:38:52.000 And you feel everything.

00:38:54.000 You feel every bump and twist of the road.

00:38:56.000 You got the wheel and you're sitting over the wheel, so it's just, you know. 0.97

00:39:00.000 Suspension sucks. 0.95

00:39:02.000 Everything. 0.99

00:39:03.000 Go around a corner, it's terrible.

00:39:05.000 I actually got up on two wheels one time by accident.

00:39:08.000 I'm lucky I didn't die.

00:39:10.000 I was getting on the free one, I just cut the corner too hard and I felt it, man.

00:39:13.000 And then you just, boom, came back down.

00:39:16.000 It's really interesting because a car does not have to be fast to be engaging.

00:39:20.000 You know, that's what I think gets lost with a lot of these paddle shifter cars, these new cars.

00:39:25.000 Everybody's just trying to go 0-60 faster and get around the Nürburgring faster, but that's not really what makes a car fun.

00:39:32.000 Like, you don't really drive like that in real life.

00:39:35.000 You'd rather have a car that's more fun slower.

00:39:39.000 Because some cars, like my Tesla, you don't even notice you're going 80 miles an hour.

00:39:44.000 It just goes whoosh, and all of a sudden you're going 80. But if I'm going 80 in an old Porsche, you feel everything.

00:39:54.000 You feel it.

00:39:55.000 It's exciting.

00:39:57.000 Everything is alive.

00:39:59.000 You know?

00:40:00.000 I have an old 1993 RS America.

00:40:03.000 So it's got no power steering, no air conditioning, no radio, no nothing.

00:40:08.000 Air-cooled, super light, tiny little car.

00:40:11.000 And it only has like 300 horsepower.

00:40:13.000 But it's like one of my favorite cars to drive.

00:40:15.000 But you feel everything in that car.

00:40:17.000 Yeah, it's a ride.

00:40:17.000 Everything.

00:40:18.000 You are part of the car.

00:40:19.000 It's a Disneyland ride.

00:40:20.000 You are part of that car. 0.98

00:40:22.000 I mean, it's slow as shit compared to like my Tesla. 0.98

00:40:25.000 But if you're doing 80 in that versus 80 in the Tesla, you feel like, wow, I'm going 100 miles an hour. 0.97

00:40:32.000 You feel alive.

00:40:33.000 You feel like you're on a motorcycle or something.

00:40:35.000 It's crazy.

00:40:38.000 And it's also the way they handle.

00:40:39.000 You feel the tires break.

00:40:42.000 You have a connection to the tires.

00:40:44.000 When you hit the limit, you feel it kick out, and you know where that limit is.

00:40:48.000 It's almost like your shoes.

00:40:50.000 You know when you're sliding?

00:40:52.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:40:53.000 You know how to stop yourself sliding?

00:40:55.000 You're waiting to see the smoke.

00:40:57.000 Like any second now, something's going to snap and you're going to have to pull over.

00:41:01.000 Well, those cars too, the engine's in the back. 0.95

00:41:03.000 And so the ass end kicks out around corners.

00:41:06.000 And if you're going around a corner and you let off the gas. 0.99

00:41:09.000 You're going to fishtail it.

00:41:10.000 Yeah.

00:41:11.000 Especially those old turbos, those old wild ones that people got.

00:41:16.000 Shh.

00:41:18.000 Those things, they call them widow makers. 1.00

00:41:20.000 Giant ass engine in the back, skids out real easy. 0.94

00:41:24.000 Go around a corner, let off the gas, you spin around a circle and crash. 0.94

00:41:27.000 Good luck.

00:41:28.000 Yeah.

00:41:29.000 You have to teach people to keep their foot on the gas when they're going around a corner.

00:41:33.000 That's crazy.

00:41:36.000 I'm, you know, fortunately I don't have the need for speed as much.

00:41:40.000 If I have a nice little straightaway, I'll get it on the 405 if there's an opportunity.

00:41:45.000 All my driving I do after midnight.

00:41:49.000 Oh, you like to get out of the house?

00:41:50.000 I get out of the house at night and I like taking my drives between midnight and three in the morning because there's nobody out there.

00:41:56.000 Just enjoy driving.

00:41:57.000 And I can just drive.

00:41:58.000 Yeah.

00:41:59.000 So I'll do a lap.

00:42:01.000 So I'll take the 605 to the 210 to the 134 and I'll just go through LA. Do you know who Magnus Walker is?

00:42:09.000 Magnus Walker is this Porsche expert.

00:42:12.000 He rebuilds old Porsches, makes them amazing.

00:42:15.000 But he has these videos about Porsches that are like a love letter to Porsche.

00:42:21.000 So he takes these old Porsches and drives them on the highway and he's a cool looking dude. 0.99

00:42:24.000 He's got crazy dreadlocks and fucking wears funky clothes and shit. 0.99

00:42:28.000 I think he made his money in a clothing business. 1.00

00:42:31.000 Pretty sure.

00:42:32.000 And so he has this warehouse in downtown L.A. where he keeps all these Porsches.

00:42:36.000 And he's got a video where he gets out and drives them.

00:42:39.000 He looks like a Magnus.

00:42:41.000 Yeah, that's Magnus.

00:42:42.000 Magnus.

00:42:43.000 He's got a cool English accent.

00:42:45.000 But see if you can find one of the videos of him.

00:42:47.000 Because there's a video of him.

00:42:48.000 I think it's called 9-11 Outlaw.

00:42:52.000 There was a video called 9-11 Outlaw, I think.

00:42:59.000 It was like one of the oldest videos where it just sort of...

00:43:02.000 It like...

00:43:05.000 Urban Outlawed.

00:43:06.000 Urban Outlawed.

00:43:07.000 That's it.

00:43:07.000 So this was like the video where I found out about it.

00:43:10.000 This is a long ass time ago.

00:43:12.000 But this dude makes all these cars.

00:43:14.000 Give me some volume.

00:43:17.000 So this is a real old car.

00:43:20.000 This is probably like a 68 or a 69 or something like that.

00:43:24.000 And he's got, you know, like just sort of a juiced up stock engine, but it's all air-cooled.

00:43:30.000 Everything is super, super lightweight.

00:43:32.000 Like that car only weighs 2,000 pounds.

00:43:35.000 And when, you know, he's got like the little air ducts he's put into the side.

00:43:40.000 A lot of the stuff that he's done in the car is very custom.

00:43:44.000 But listen to that. 0.99

00:43:51.000 So then he takes these motherfuckers out in downtown LA, and it's... 0.99

00:43:55.000 When you watch him do it, it's very addicting. 1.00

00:43:58.000 Like, here, give me...

00:44:02.000 Go earlier when you see him actually going fast in these things.

00:44:10.000 No, no, no.

00:44:11.000 Yeah.

00:44:14.000 Yeah.

00:44:15.000 So this is it.

00:44:17.000 Like, that is a beautiful little car.

00:44:21.000 And it's not fast, not compared to modern standards, but the pleasure you get out of driving one of those things.

00:44:28.000 It's like everything is analog.

00:44:31.000 You feel every bump.

00:44:32.000 It's like it's all just giving you feedback.

00:44:34.000 It's exciting.

00:44:35.000 And you see how there's no traffic and he's enjoying it.

00:44:38.000 It's a nighttime drive and he can actually, you know, give a guess if he wants to or chill.

00:44:42.000 This is before the pandemic, though. 1.00

00:44:44.000 Now it's a goddamn zombie movie. 0.99

00:44:46.000 I'm not going to lie. 0.99

00:44:47.000 I kind of enjoyed the drives during that.

00:44:48.000 I think that's what got me out of the house.

00:44:49.000 Oh, during the middle of the pandemic.

00:44:50.000 Yeah.

00:44:51.000 I'm just like, wow.

00:44:52.000 Yeah.

00:44:53.000 I just mean in downtown LA. Downtown LA is fucked. 1.00

00:44:58.000 It's fucked. 1.00

00:45:00.000 So, I don't even know if he's still there anymore. 0.99

00:45:02.000 This is quite a while ago. 0.99

00:45:04.000 I would have fucked up. 0.99

00:45:05.000 Yeah, you did. 0.99

00:45:06.000 Yeah, but I mean, if I was in downtown LA, I really would have.

00:45:10.000 Like, that place is crazy.

00:45:12.000 Dude, I remember filming Fear Factor in downtown LA in like 2003 or something like that.

00:45:17.000 It was crazy back then.

00:45:18.000 I was like, this is wild.

00:45:20.000 There's so many homeless people down there.

00:45:22.000 It is insane.

00:45:24.000 The amount of, I mean, tent cities everywhere you look.

00:45:27.000 Insane.

00:45:27.000 Everywhere you look.

00:45:28.000 And it's just like, what the hell?

00:45:30.000 Yeah. 0.98

00:45:31.000 What the hell? 0.60

00:45:32.000 It's so much.

00:45:34.000 And what kills me is some of these tents have electricity.

00:45:38.000 They got generators and TVs.

00:45:40.000 I'm like, whoa!

00:45:41.000 Are you homeless or are you camping? 1.00

00:45:44.000 Poles and shit. 1.00

00:45:45.000 They're opening up poles and pulling wires out and diverting power. 1.00

00:45:49.000 Some of these guys are like homeless electricians.

00:45:52.000 Yeah, I know.

00:45:52.000 It's like, okay.

00:45:54.000 I feel like they're making that choice. 0.97

00:45:57.000 Well, there's probably, as fucked up as it is, some kind of community to being a part of this struggle with all these other people that are sleeping on the streets. 0.94

00:46:06.000 And then there's open-air drug use. 0.98

00:46:08.000 And it's tolerated.

00:46:10.000 And then there's places where you can go, especially in Skid Row, and you can get some help.

00:46:14.000 You can get food. 0.98

00:46:16.000 It's fucked because it doesn't seem like it's getting any better at all. 0.98

00:46:19.000 They move them places. 0.99

00:46:20.000 They shift them out of certain spots when it becomes inconvenient.

00:46:24.000 And then they sort of drift back in eventually.

00:46:26.000 And then the other places, they get bigger and bigger.

00:46:28.000 The places where they neglect it, they just keep getting bigger.

00:46:31.000 That's all I'm seeing is they're getting kicked out and then they're finding, you know, like, oh, that community is now over here.

00:46:38.000 It's crazy that this was never an issue when we were kids.

00:46:41.000 It was never an issue.

00:46:43.000 Like, when do you remember when you were a kid seeing tents?

00:46:47.000 Never.

00:46:48.000 And it's like, we're just supposed to accept that there's nothing that can be done.

00:46:53.000 Like, what are you gonna do?

00:46:54.000 Now there's tents.

00:46:56.000 Now what did you do? 0.99

00:46:57.000 What the fuck did you neglect that you let these people camp out on streets? 0.99

00:47:02.000 Why would you let that happen? 0.99

00:47:03.000 Ever.

00:47:04.000 You know, and is it encouraging them if you do let them do that?

00:47:08.000 I mean, I don't know.

00:47:09.000 But I know there's a lot of them and you're letting them do it.

00:47:11.000 It seems like there's more all the time and you're letting them do it and there used to be none.

00:47:14.000 There used to be no tents anywhere. 0.99

00:47:15.000 So tell me what the fuck you're doing. 0.99

00:47:17.000 Well, we have a very comprehensive homeless outreach program that doesn't do jack shit. 0.99

00:47:24.000 You know, my friend Coleon Noir is a lawyer, and he was in San Francisco talking to them about it. 0.89

00:47:30.000 And he was like, what is the problem here?

00:47:32.000 Is it a lack of funding?

00:47:33.000 And this guy who's talking goes, no, no, the opposite.

00:47:37.000 The people that are on these homeless commissions, they're making hundreds of thousands of dollars a year.

00:47:43.000 So he shows this list to us of all the people in L.A. that are making money, that are supposed to be managing the homeless.

00:47:49.000 Some of them are making a quarter million dollars a year.

00:47:52.000 And they're out there, well, we're doing our best to outreach and give them safe crack pipes.

00:47:58.000 Like, it's madness.

00:47:59.000 People have no concept, no understanding of the situation.

00:48:03.000 Well, not only that, they have no incentive.

00:48:05.000 The people that are running it, if the homeless problem goes away, they don't have a job anymore.

00:48:09.000 So what are they going to do?

00:48:10.000 They're going to make sure it's manageable.

00:48:12.000 And well, we need more funding.

00:48:13.000 We're very close to cracking this problem.

00:48:15.000 We're going to need more funding.

00:48:17.000 And they just keep getting more funding.

00:48:19.000 And it has to be addressed like an environmental problem.

00:48:22.000 Like if there was a leak, an oil leak in the middle of the street, and all those places where the tents were, there was just giant puddles of oil that were coming out of the ground.

00:48:30.000 They would have to deal with that.

00:48:31.000 They would have to go, we have an environmental issue.

00:48:34.000 It's real.

00:48:35.000 It's getting into the water supply.

00:48:36.000 It's poisoning.

00:48:37.000 We can fix it, but it's going to take a lot of resources and time, but we're going to do it.

00:48:40.000 Yeah.

00:48:41.000 You have an environmental problem.

00:48:44.000 It's just humans, you know, and you've got to figure it out through a compassionate solution. 0.85

00:48:49.000 You got to do it with a sense of community, but you can't just let people fucking camp everywhere. 1.00

00:48:55.000 Crazy assholes. 1.00

00:48:56.000 It's not going to get better. 1.00

00:48:57.000 What are you going to bury your head in the sand until you're the president?

00:49:00.000 What are you going to do? 0.99

00:49:01.000 We're going to just escape from LA after leaving the whole state of California, fucking disaster, and move to the White House? 0.99

00:49:07.000 Is that how it works? 0.99

00:49:09.000 Because no one's fixing it.

00:49:10.000 They're not fixing it in New York. 1.00

00:49:11.000 New York is just fucking crazy. 1.00

00:49:14.000 Another mess. 1.00

00:49:15.000 Crazy. 0.98

00:49:16.000 San Francisco is the worst. 1.00

00:49:17.000 San Francisco is like a failed state. 0.99

00:49:19.000 San Francisco might as well be Libya. 0.97

00:49:21.000 That place is wild.

00:49:23.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:49:23.000 People are just shitting in the streets. 0.99

00:49:25.000 The crime is next level in San Francisco. 1.00

00:49:27.000 It is stupid. 1.00

00:49:29.000 Next level. 1.00

00:49:29.000 It is stupid. 1.00

00:49:30.000 People are parking their cars and leaving their windows rolled down and their hatches open. 1.00

00:49:34.000 Yeah.

00:49:35.000 Because they don't want to get smashed. 1.00

00:49:38.000 Fuck, man. 1.00

00:49:38.000 It doesn't matter what time of day. 1.00

00:49:39.000 It doesn't matter who's around.

00:49:41.000 It doesn't matter who's around.

00:49:41.000 No one's stopping anybody from doing anything.

00:49:43.000 It's crazy. 0.99

00:49:45.000 It's crazy how quick San Francisco fucked. 0.98

00:49:47.000 Because everyone's pulling out of there. 0.98

00:49:49.000 Hotels are pulling out.

00:49:51.000 Supermarkets or chains like Walgreens pulling out. 0.99

00:49:55.000 They're like, what the fuck? 0.99

00:49:56.000 It's becoming a ghost town and they're not pumping the brakes on it. 1.00

00:49:59.000 I don't know what they do now at this point.

00:50:01.000 What do they do?

00:50:01.000 They don't have the resources to fix it now.

00:50:03.000 Because they fucked it up so bad for so long, and they would have to admit that all of their policies sucked. 0.98

00:50:10.000 And nobody's going to do that. 0.99

00:50:11.000 Nobody's going to do that.

00:50:12.000 We're going to do Fluffy.

00:50:13.000 You going to make your way to Texas?

00:50:14.000 Hey, man.

00:50:15.000 Let's go.

00:50:16.000 Let's go, Fluffy.

00:50:18.000 Let's go.

00:50:18.000 We're going to wine you and dine you this weekend.

00:50:20.000 You know how many times I've come close to moving out here?

00:50:23.000 How many times?

00:50:24.000 Ooh, man.

00:50:25.000 I've been talking about San Antonio for at least 10 years.

00:50:27.000 San Antonio's dope.

00:50:28.000 At least 10 years.

00:50:29.000 Yeah, it's right up the street.

00:50:29.000 I got a good real estate agent.

00:50:32.000 I actually already own a house in San Antonio.

00:50:34.000 Do you?

00:50:35.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:50:35.000 No shit. 1.00

00:50:35.000 Yeah, I bought it a long time ago. 1.00

00:50:37.000 Oh.

00:50:38.000 But it's just, I feel like I'm going to get homesick.

00:50:43.000 And I feel like, ah.

00:50:46.000 Yeah, fly back home when you want to.

00:50:47.000 You keep... 0.99

00:50:49.000 Whenever you feel bad, fly back home and go, what the fuck is wrong with me? 0.99

00:50:52.000 And after a while, San Antonio will be your new home. 0.99

00:50:55.000 And there's that nice club out there, too.

00:50:57.000 Was it LOL? Yeah, they got LOL. What's the other one?

00:51:01.000 Not Cap City.

00:51:02.000 That was here.

00:51:03.000 The River Center Comedy Club.

00:51:07.000 They reopened Cap City, but not really.

00:51:09.000 The Helium guys opened it.

00:51:11.000 And it's in the domain out here.

00:51:14.000 Oh, it's not in the same place that it was?

00:51:15.000 No, no, no.

00:51:16.000 That place is...

00:51:17.000 I don't know what's going on with that place.

00:51:21.000 The guy who owns that place just got in trouble. 0.99

00:51:24.000 Some sort of federal shit. 1.00

00:51:27.000 Bribery shit. 1.00

00:51:28.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:51:29.000 Always something.

00:51:30.000 Yeah.

00:51:30.000 I was looking at buying it a few years ago, but there was a lot of problems.

00:51:33.000 And they wanted way too much money for it.

00:51:35.000 And then I found this cult theater.

00:51:38.000 The theater was owned by the cult.

00:51:40.000 And I got out of that deal once there was problems with that place, too.

00:51:44.000 And then we got this place.

00:51:45.000 I'm excited to show it to you tonight.

00:51:47.000 Yeah, I'm looking forward to it.

00:51:48.000 I'm excited.

00:51:49.000 But, yeah, to answer your question, I've come close.

00:51:51.000 I've come close to coming to Texas a few times.

00:51:54.000 I've actually thought about Texas and Florida.

00:51:56.000 Yeah?

00:51:56.000 I know.

00:51:57.000 Some people are like, what, really?

00:51:58.000 Yeah.

00:51:59.000 Yeah.

00:52:00.000 Yeah. 0.95

00:52:01.000 When shit gets weird, you start wondering, like, you know, it could kind of be somewhere else. 0.99

00:52:06.000 You find yourself shaking your head and you're like, wow, what the hell are we doing? 0.99

00:52:09.000 What the hell are we doing?

00:52:10.000 You know, it's like, I'm paying for this?

00:52:12.000 Like, what am I? Also, there was the psychological aspect of it.

00:52:17.000 That was what was driving me crazy. 0.98

00:52:19.000 People that I knew were morons, like the mayor of L.A., The psychological aspect of having that guy having any control over what I do with my time, what I do for a living, what I can and can't do, what I'm allowed to do and not allowed to do, based on whatever guidelines he's presenting, 1.00

00:52:37.000 bro, you can eat shit. 1.00

00:52:38.000 That guy's a moron. 1.00

00:52:39.000 And I don't like taking instruction from people that I know are bought and paid morons. 1.00

00:52:45.000 And that was just so frustrating because before that, you never had to deal with the mayors. 0.99

00:52:49.000 You never thought about the mayor.

00:52:51.000 What was the mayor going to do that's going to affect your life?

00:52:54.000 You would vote for the people that you thought had the best policies and supported the school systems and whatever you hoped that they would do.

00:53:01.000 But you never thought they would keep you from working. 0.99

00:53:04.000 Who the fuck saw that coming? 0.98

00:53:06.000 And keep you from even doing outdoor shows and even outdoor dining? 1.00

00:53:10.000 These people were maniacs.

00:53:12.000 And they were in charge of telling everybody what to do and I was like, this is not good. 0.95

00:53:16.000 And there's too many people in this town that think there's something good about being compliant.

00:53:22.000 You know, there's something good about, like, we're doing it for everyone else. 0.97

00:53:25.000 Like, are you fucking sure? 1.00

00:53:27.000 Are you sure these morons know what they're doing? 1.00

00:53:29.000 Are you sure? 1.00

00:53:30.000 More businesses have, you know, went under and, you know, if you were lucky enough to recover or just weather the storm, that's one thing, but most people didn't.

00:53:38.000 Yeah, and not only that, those businesses, I bet all those people got COVID anyway.

00:53:43.000 Everybody got COVID anyway, I bet. 0.99

00:53:44.000 And I bet if those people got COVID and recovered, they would have been safe to run their fucking store. 0.99

00:53:51.000 Like, they just took the decision out of people's hands and it's been proven that it was a disaster. 0.98

00:53:58.000 It was a disaster for the economy, it was a disaster for mental health, it was a disaster for people's careers, it was a disaster for people's long-term businesses that they had to close.

00:54:08.000 Family businesses.

00:54:09.000 They had restaurants for 30 years.

00:54:11.000 Local neighborhood places that everybody went to.

00:54:13.000 Sorry, you can't work for a year and a half.

00:54:16.000 They just bled people out.

00:54:18.000 And meanwhile, these big giant stores, they just made more and more money because they're the only places you can go.

00:54:23.000 And they told people their job was essential or non-essential. 1.00

00:54:27.000 Like, who the fuck are you? 0.99

00:54:28.000 Guess what's non-essential? 1.00

00:54:30.000 You.

00:54:31.000 You. 1.00

00:54:32.000 You fucking half-wit. 1.00

00:54:34.000 Telling people what they can and can't do based on what? 1.00

00:54:37.000 Not even, no debating the science of it.

00:54:40.000 No real conversations with experts that had disagreeing opinions.

00:54:44.000 It was gross, man.

00:54:46.000 I was happy to get out of there.

00:54:47.000 Yeah, and then we wonder why there's so many tent cities.

00:54:49.000 You know that Gavin Newsom guy's running for president.

00:54:54.000 He's already started campaigning.

00:54:56.000 He's already started campaigning without campaigning.

00:54:58.000 He just did Sean Hannity, and he's ringing up California, talking about how great California is.

00:55:05.000 Every day I think about leaving, but it's still home.

00:55:09.000 I tell people, you know, when they say, what, you still, you still, yeah.

00:55:13.000 You know, I love my...

00:55:14.000 I love...

00:55:14.000 It's home.

00:55:15.000 That's what it is.

00:55:16.000 And that's the hard part.

00:55:18.000 Even though I'm a traveling comic, you know.

00:55:20.000 Yeah, you know.

00:55:21.000 I say, yeah, it's like...

00:55:22.000 Coming every now and then with like a fully armored Armada and just lock everything down.

00:55:29.000 And I got my little sanctuary that I've worked on for so many years to make my spot.

00:55:37.000 Exactly how you like it.

00:55:38.000 And then it's like, ugh.

00:55:41.000 But then I see that at the end of the year when I'm getting taxed that I'm like, ugh.

00:55:45.000 The tax alone would pay for everything in Texas. 0.99

00:55:49.000 Those tax people are so silly. 1.00

00:55:50.000 They want so much money. 1.00

00:55:52.000 I wish it was going somewhere.

00:55:54.000 I wish it was going somewhere really good.

00:55:55.000 Like, if the taxes were very high, but then you looked at the quality of life that you get from it, and you're like, wow, they do an amazing job with all this tax money.

00:56:04.000 Now they do a terrible job.

00:56:06.000 It's fucking overrun with bureaucracy and too many people and nothing gets fixed and nothing gets done. 0.99

00:56:11.000 It's like, bleh! 0.98

00:56:13.000 Yeah, I still see the potholes.

00:56:14.000 I hit them.

00:56:15.000 Yeah, that's minor.

00:56:17.000 That's minor.

00:56:17.000 The homelessness is the biggest one.

00:56:19.000 Like, that is bonkers.

00:56:20.000 That you think you are doing your job, if you are governing a city that has 100,000 homeless people or whatever it is, what do we say it is?

00:56:29.000 65?

00:56:30.000 They guess.

00:56:31.000 They're guessing.

00:56:32.000 They're guessing. 1.00

00:56:33.000 They ain't doing a fucking survey. 0.99

00:56:35.000 No, you're here all the time. 0.99

00:56:37.000 What is it like here?

00:56:37.000 It's nothing.

00:56:39.000 There's homeless people.

00:56:40.000 There's homeless people in every city.

00:56:41.000 But there's way less.

00:56:42.000 And they cleaned up all the tents around the city.

00:56:44.000 Every now and then they pop up under the bridge, but they clean them up and then they come back and then they clean them up and they come back.

00:56:49.000 But at least they clean them up.

00:56:50.000 At least they don't allow them to accumulate and become like a village in San Francisco.

00:56:55.000 Whereas San Francisco, essentially they have these open-air drug dens.

00:56:59.000 Michael Schellenberger wrote a great book about it called San Francisco and he talks about how these progressive policies are just destroying these cities.

00:57:06.000 It's like you have to make a correction and they're not making a correction.

00:57:10.000 So what are you gonna do?

00:57:13.000 I wish I had the answer for that, yeah.

00:57:17.000 When you go on the road, do you go on the road for just weekends or do you do like long stretches?

00:57:21.000 I guess it depends on if it's a big tour.

00:57:23.000 Like right now, I'm just doing nothing but clubs.

00:57:27.000 After the Dodger Stadium show, my agent and my manager wanted me to ride the wave of the success of the special and go back and tour hard.

00:57:36.000 And I'm like, no, I want to just pump the brakes for a little bit.

00:57:41.000 I want to remind myself why I love this so much.

00:57:44.000 So I said, I just want to do nothing but clubs for at least half a year.

00:57:47.000 And so just doing shows, you know, I'll still do, you know, my four sets a week because I was doing, you know, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday.

00:57:55.000 But now I'm just doing it at one place and then doing two shows Friday, two shows Saturday, you know, get my sets in and go home.

00:58:03.000 And yeah, I'm not making the same money, but the peace of mind is incredible.

00:58:07.000 You know, I'm not stressing about money.

00:58:09.000 I'm not stressing about paying for these tour buses or paying for the rigs or paying for the production.

00:58:13.000 You know, what's going on at the end of the night at the arena.

00:58:16.000 I mean, there's so much that goes into it.

00:58:18.000 And to be able to just walk into a club and focus on, let me just be funny and have fun.

00:58:23.000 Yeah.

00:58:23.000 It's a great way to write a new hour, too.

00:58:26.000 Yeah.

00:58:28.000 I love the fact that when I'm doing these clubs, everybody's a lot more excited.

00:58:33.000 First of all, the staff is incredible.

00:58:35.000 No matter where I'm going, everybody's been super great.

00:58:37.000 And the crowds have been super appreciative that they can watch an intimate show like that.

00:58:42.000 Because even if you're sitting in the back row of the club, at an arena, that's like row three.

00:58:47.000 You know what I mean?

00:58:47.000 And so it's been a lot of fun and I've enjoyed it.

00:58:50.000 And it reminded me how much I love this.

00:58:54.000 Because I think at a certain point, I became a hoe.

00:58:58.000 I became a hoe and it became more about the money. 0.99

00:59:00.000 Because, dude, once the money started coming, it's like you get scared because it's so much and it's coming at you from all these different angles and you're having these meetings and they're going over your portfolio and we've got to invest this and we've got to do that and blah, blah, blah.

00:59:14.000 And you're like...

00:59:15.000 Oh, my God.

00:59:16.000 And now, you know, I have employees.

00:59:18.000 I never had employees and now I employ like 30 people, which is insane, you know?

00:59:23.000 And if I stop working, they all stop working.

00:59:26.000 So then it turns into this thing where, you know, you feel almost like you're obligated to work even more to take care of everybody else.

00:59:35.000 That's Bert Kreischer.

00:59:35.000 Oh, yeah.

00:59:37.000 Yeah.

00:59:37.000 So when I told my team I want to do clubs for half a year, they were not happy about it.

00:59:44.000 And they're like, you're missing out.

00:59:45.000 You really, this, you got to strike while the iron's hot.

00:59:48.000 No, they're missing out.

00:59:49.000 They're not, you know, they see one thing and, you know, as creatives, it's very different.

00:59:54.000 Yeah, but they have to, like, not give you creative advice.

00:59:59.000 That's very important for non-creative people.

01:00:00.000 But that's not creative advice.

01:00:01.000 It's financial.

01:00:03.000 Right, but creative for you is I need to fill my creative void. 0.99

01:00:08.000 I want to go out there and fuck around. 0.99

01:00:10.000 I want to have a good time. 1.00

01:00:11.000 That's the creative aspect of it.

01:00:12.000 When you're doing a show, you got a show.

01:00:14.000 There's 15,000 people in there.

01:00:16.000 It's a show.

01:00:17.000 It's a different kind of thing.

01:00:18.000 You're not going to really write in front of 15,000 people. 1.00

01:00:21.000 You write and fuck around in front of a small crowd. 0.99

01:00:24.000 It's a creative choice. 1.00

01:00:26.000 They're wrong anyway.

01:00:27.000 You ain't getting off that wave, son.

01:00:29.000 You don't have to worry about that wave, riding the wave.

01:00:32.000 You'll be on that wave for the rest of your life.

01:00:34.000 You don't have to worry about that wave.

01:00:36.000 Thank you.

01:00:37.000 Yeah, you don't have to worry about that wave at all.

01:00:38.000 They can relax. 0.98

01:00:40.000 You can take a year off and get off fucking Instagram and Twitter and just vanish for a year and come back and crush it. 0.99

01:00:45.000 It doesn't matter. 1.00

01:00:46.000 You can do whatever the fuck you want. 0.99

01:00:48.000 That was the one thing about COVID is I had never taken a break that long from comedy, ever. 0.99

01:00:54.000 It's amazing how much energy you have when you have to work every night.

01:00:56.000 Yeah.

01:00:58.000 You can actually get on a schedule.

01:01:00.000 For me, I've always dealt with the weight issue.

01:01:03.000 It's always been a thing for me.

01:01:04.000 But being home for a year and actually being able to focus and I had a trainer and everything, I was able to lose 70 pounds.

01:01:11.000 Nice.

01:01:12.000 See all the doctors that I've been avoiding because I've been on the road.

01:01:16.000 I've actually got to go see everybody and find out how I was doing.

01:01:19.000 Yeah.

01:01:20.000 So I felt like it was helpful.

01:01:21.000 I never take time off.

01:01:23.000 Ever.

01:01:24.000 I work all the time.

01:01:25.000 I'm on the road 46 weeks out of the year.

01:01:27.000 Well, you always have been.

01:01:28.000 That's always been your reputation.

01:01:30.000 That's why, you know, we were always talking about the, even at the Ice House shows. 0.77

01:01:34.000 Crazy.

01:01:35.000 The 2 p.m.

01:01:36.000 kids show, yeah. 0.98

01:01:37.000 Ridiculous. 0.98

01:01:38.000 Nobody does that. 0.88

01:01:39.000 Nobody has four shows in a day.

01:01:41.000 That's insane.

01:01:41.000 And I used to do the shows, and then as soon as I'd get off stage, I'd go outside and do a full-blown meet-and-greet.

01:01:47.000 Oh, wow.

01:01:47.000 So I would meet every single...

01:01:49.000 Like, do the show, do a meet-and-greet, and then by the time the meet-and-greet was over, it was time for me to go back up on stage.

01:01:55.000 Oh, my God.

01:01:55.000 And so I was doing that, you know.

01:01:57.000 Wow.

01:01:57.000 I was doing that every week forever.

01:01:59.000 But I think that's also what helped to build everything up.

01:02:03.000 100%.

01:02:04.000 You're engaging with people, you're...

01:02:06.000 Yeah, real grassroots.

01:02:08.000 You were, like, really getting out there and hanging out.

01:02:10.000 We used to always do that at the Ice House, have those meet and greets afterwards.

01:02:13.000 Hang out, talk to people.

01:02:14.000 That's a great club.

01:02:15.000 That setup back there is amazing.

01:02:17.000 Just that little...

01:02:17.000 Have you been there recently?

01:02:18.000 No, I haven't.

01:02:19.000 I haven't been when it's remodeled.

01:02:20.000 I heard...

01:02:21.000 The buses did an amazing job with it.

01:02:24.000 It's very modern.

01:02:26.000 Part of it is, like, they killed certain things that kind of made it the club club.

01:02:31.000 Oh, yeah?

01:02:31.000 Where now it feels a little bit more...

01:02:33.000 It's too clean.

01:02:34.000 Corporate?

01:02:34.000 Too clean?

01:02:35.000 I don't know why they would fuck with it. 1.00

01:02:37.000 It was literally perfect. 0.99

01:02:38.000 There's a skybox in the back of the room.

01:02:40.000 Literally a skybox in the back of the room.

01:02:43.000 And if it's the room for the comics to chill in, it's badass.

01:02:46.000 It's the greatest green room ever.

01:02:48.000 But it's now considered a VIP room in the back.

01:02:52.000 And there's like a glass.

01:02:53.000 So it's a place where people can just talk while you're on stage.

01:02:57.000 So that's what it looks like?

01:02:59.000 Back there.

01:03:00.000 Oh, that's weird.

01:03:01.000 So the room still feels good.

01:03:02.000 I remember that room.

01:03:03.000 So they just basically opened that room up because it used to be that room was closed off.

01:03:07.000 Yeah.

01:03:07.000 Right?

01:03:08.000 So it's not like the room's any smaller.

01:03:09.000 No, no, no, no.

01:03:10.000 The room is the same size and, you know, it's still fun.

01:03:13.000 It's still fun to perform in there.

01:03:14.000 It's just very different.

01:03:16.000 And as somebody that spent years going there to all of a sudden see, you know, you enter through the front, through the street, whereas before you'd enter through the alley.

01:03:25.000 Oh, interesting.

01:03:26.000 I mean, everything just looks really, really nice.

01:03:29.000 They changed it, but I feel like if you're the oldest club in the country, man, you gotta look a little bit more classic.

01:03:37.000 Yeah, old school.

01:03:38.000 A lot of the changes, I'm like, ugh.

01:03:41.000 A skybox is a weird choice, but whatever.

01:03:43.000 Maybe it works.

01:03:44.000 Like I said, that was just a closed off room before, you know?

01:03:47.000 Remember?

01:03:47.000 You wouldn't even be able to see the stage.

01:03:49.000 It was like mirrors back there.

01:03:50.000 No, it was just, yeah, it's the little wall.

01:03:52.000 And then the room behind it was like a dining.

01:03:54.000 What did they do with the little room?

01:03:56.000 They had that little room?

01:03:57.000 So the Little Room, they actually made the Little Room bigger, and they're making it so that they can have jazz and live music.

01:04:04.000 It actually looks really cool, but again, it's not the old Ice House.

01:04:08.000 Right.

01:04:09.000 It's not the old Ice House.

01:04:10.000 Nostalgia.

01:04:12.000 Nostalgia.

01:04:13.000 Yeah, there's no more nostalgia.

01:04:14.000 Everything's new, clean, and just pretty.

01:04:17.000 Well, listen, I'm just happy that someone dumped a bunch of money into it.

01:04:19.000 Fixed it and finally reopened it.

01:04:21.000 And wants good comedy there, you know?

01:04:24.000 Are they doing like headliners on the weekend?

01:04:26.000 How are they doing it?

01:04:28.000 Well, I don't think it's set up as a showcase like Melrose or any of the other clubs and stuff.

01:04:34.000 It's definitely headliners on the weekend.

01:04:37.000 Yeah, there's, when you're talking about like outside of LA, there's Pasadena, there's Comedy Magic, there's a few other, there's always like Irvine, but then you're far out.

01:04:49.000 Now you're going pretty far, you know?

01:04:51.000 And those clubs are definitely headliners only.

01:04:53.000 There's not, there are no showcasing stuff like that.

01:04:55.000 There's not like real comedy comedy clubs or showcase clubs outside of the city, right?

01:04:59.000 Not really.

01:05:00.000 Once you get past the ha-ha, what else you got? 0.98

01:05:05.000 Flappers.

01:05:05.000 I was at Flappers a couple weeks ago.

01:05:07.000 That was fun.

01:05:08.000 It's a great room.

01:05:09.000 These rooms, and it's just like, wow.

01:05:12.000 It was so much fun.

01:05:13.000 Just went out there and had a good time.

01:05:15.000 Yeah, Flappers is a great room, but it's a weird room, like, where whenever I would go there, I'm like, who are you guys?

01:05:21.000 Like, I don't know any of you.

01:05:22.000 It's weird.

01:05:23.000 And now it's just one owner.

01:05:24.000 It's Barbara.

01:05:25.000 Oh, I mean the comics.

01:05:26.000 Oh, okay, okay, I'm sorry.

01:05:27.000 A lot of the comics, like, where else do you guys work?

01:05:29.000 Like, I never see you anywhere.

01:05:30.000 It's weird.

01:05:31.000 There was like a specific group that was always at flappers.

01:05:33.000 I was like, this is a strange little group of people.

01:05:35.000 You know, people find their little cliques.

01:05:37.000 Yeah.

01:05:37.000 I was going to say, it's like back in the day, you knew everybody.

01:05:40.000 You knew who was doing it, and you knew where they were at.

01:05:43.000 Yeah.

01:05:44.000 And now it's like, I open my, I blink, and there's 10 more comics.

01:05:48.000 And it's like, wow.

01:05:49.000 There's so many.

01:05:50.000 Blame podcasts.

01:05:51.000 Ah, nice.

01:05:52.000 That's what it is. 0.96

01:05:53.000 So many people listen to podcasts like, damn, I want to do that. 0.95

01:05:56.000 Sounds like fun. 1.00

01:05:57.000 You think of it like, also, you hear the people on the podcast like, these guys are kind of stupid. 1.00

01:06:01.000 I think I could do it better than them. 1.00

01:06:02.000 It's always, I think I can do better than them.

01:06:04.000 Yeah, always.

01:06:06.000 You know, part of it's making it look easy.

01:06:08.000 And then they're like, oh, I can do that.

01:06:10.000 Well, the problem is, like, think about what you do.

01:06:12.000 You go up there and you talk.

01:06:13.000 Well, everybody can talk.

01:06:15.000 Like, it's confusing.

01:06:17.000 So, like, a person in the audience is like, I can talk too.

01:06:19.000 How come he gets to talk and I don't get to talk?

01:06:21.000 Like, you start thinking that you could do what they do.

01:06:24.000 That's why it's hilarious when you see someone try to go on stage and talk to an audience that's drunk.

01:06:28.000 Like, you think you can go up here and do it?

01:06:30.000 And they go, yeah, and they get up there and they, like, freeze like a deer in the headlights and then they realize, like, how weird it is.

01:06:36.000 Yeah.

01:06:36.000 But when someone like you is relaxed and on stage, it seems like he's just talking.

01:06:40.000 I can just talk too.

01:06:42.000 Mm-hmm.

01:06:43.000 Yeah, it's easier than it looks.

01:06:44.000 Yeah.

01:06:45.000 I mean, I feel fortunate that when I'm on stage, I actually feel more comfortable on stage.

01:06:50.000 Like, I feel like there's nothing I can't do when I'm up there.

01:06:53.000 Well, you're heightened, right?

01:06:54.000 Yeah. 0.85

01:06:54.000 Because also, you've been doing it so long, you're super confident you're going to kill. 0.85

01:06:58.000 So you get up there, it's like, yeah!

01:07:00.000 It's an extra superpower.

01:07:02.000 And then having the eyes, too.

01:07:06.000 For example, one-on-one, it's like, hey, can you do 20 push-ups?

01:07:11.000 Probably not.

01:07:12.000 Put me in front of a crowd and put that pressure on me.

01:07:16.000 For some reason, I'm going to find a way to do it.

01:07:20.000 I'm a big dude, so I'm not very agile.

01:07:23.000 But on stage, for some reason, I can run on stage.

01:07:27.000 Yeah, adrenaline.

01:07:29.000 I feel like there's nothing I can't do when I'm up there.

01:07:32.000 But then as soon as I get off the stage, I go back to, you know, deflate.

01:07:37.000 You said you lost a lot of weight.

01:07:39.000 What did you do in terms of your diet?

01:07:41.000 You know what?

01:07:42.000 I was very consistent.

01:07:43.000 I was able to eat and have a plan.

01:07:48.000 I'd have breakfast, I'd have lunch, I'd have dinner.

01:07:50.000 Whereas before, God, I was always on the road.

01:07:52.000 So it's like I never wanted to eat before I went up on stage because then it would mess with like I get heartburn and you don't want to be burping or farting in front of a crowd.

01:08:00.000 So I wait until the end.

01:08:01.000 And then by the time the show's over, what's available to eat?

01:08:05.000 Terrible food.

01:08:06.000 Terrible food.

01:08:06.000 And you're starving.

01:08:07.000 Yes.

01:08:08.000 So you can't wait to eat.

01:08:08.000 Yeah.

01:08:09.000 And then go to sleep.

01:08:10.000 And then it was just that cycle, repeat.

01:08:12.000 And it just, you know, over the years, man, it got good to me.

01:08:14.000 So I gained all that weight.

01:08:16.000 So being home for a year, you know, I was having an actual regular clean breakfast of, you know, nothing crazy from the road.

01:08:24.000 It was all food that was store-bought and preparing my own food.

01:08:27.000 You can get like a meal prep company that will make meals for you that are like lower- I've done those.

01:08:31.000 Yeah?

01:08:32.000 I've done those.

01:08:32.000 How did that work?

01:08:33.000 I was into it for a couple weeks, but then it's like, oh, man, I'm tired of fucking- Tired of this shit! 0.99

01:08:43.000 What helped out a lot, too, was that every day I was walking a lot. 1.00

01:08:47.000 I was lifting weights three times a week.

01:08:50.000 Oh, that's great.

01:08:50.000 And then again, going to see my doctors, getting on certain plans.

01:08:54.000 I wear a monitor now for my sugar.

01:08:58.000 So I'm able to keep tabs on my sugar, whereas before, it was out of control.

01:09:03.000 I was averaging waking up at 400, which is like...

01:09:07.000 What's normal?

01:09:08.000 Normal, you want to be somewhere between 80 and 120, at least for me.

01:09:13.000 And so, yeah, I was riding the, what they say, the check engine light on for too long.

01:09:20.000 And so, you know, and then I got high blood pressure.

01:09:23.000 And of course, you know, you don't know it until they tell you or until you, you know, check yourself.

01:09:27.000 So then getting on medication for that, getting on medication for diabetes and, you know.

01:09:32.000 Now I'm sounding like Joe Teeth. 0.99

01:09:33.000 Hey, you gotta cocksucker, you gotta get the diabetes, you gotta get this and that. 0.97

01:09:36.000 But getting my health in order with the doctor and with the food and with the working out, whereas I wasn't able to do that on the road. 0.99

01:09:46.000 Or I would make a lot more excuses because I didn't, you know...

01:09:49.000 Well, also, you want to have energy for those shows.

01:09:52.000 And sometimes when you work out really hard...

01:09:56.000 And when you're really tired, it's hard to fire back up to get ready for the show, especially if it's a new thing you're doing.

01:10:02.000 If your body's adapted to it, you can do it pretty easy. 0.98

01:10:04.000 But if your body's not adapted to it, like a hard workout, it's like, what the fuck is this? 0.56

01:10:10.000 And all my energy goes into the show. 0.98

01:10:12.000 So when I'm up there, I'm hitting it, hitting it, hitting it.

01:10:15.000 I'm not sluggish.

01:10:16.000 I'm not standing still.

01:10:18.000 I'm up there, man.

01:10:19.000 I'm performing.

01:10:21.000 But then when I get off, I'm like...

01:10:23.000 Yeah.

01:10:24.000 The thing is, if you did get healthy and you did get in shape, it would really genuinely help your ability to maintain that.

01:10:31.000 Because, I mean, just imagine if you said you lost 70 pounds.

01:10:34.000 Imagine if you had to do your show right now with a 70-pound vest on.

01:10:37.000 Oh, God.

01:10:38.000 Yeah, I know. 0.99

01:10:38.000 Yeah, it sucks. 0.99

01:10:39.000 And that's the reality of weight. 0.96

01:10:42.000 Yeah.

01:10:42.000 That's the reality of gravity.

01:10:43.000 My knees, my hips.

01:10:44.000 Yeah, everything.

01:10:45.000 Everything.

01:10:45.000 Breathing harder.

01:10:46.000 Yeah.

01:10:46.000 I do workouts with a 25-pound vest on.

01:10:49.000 And just a 25-pound vest on, just 25 pounds, it's not even that much.

01:10:53.000 Like, if you pick up 25 pounds, it doesn't seem like much.

01:10:55.000 That 25-pound vest makes a giant difference.

01:10:58.000 Do everything with that vest on, and everything's way harder.

01:11:02.000 Farmers' carries, chin-ups, push-ups, dips, bodyweight squats, everything's harder with just 25 pounds.

01:11:08.000 People gain and lose 25 pounds like it's nothing.

01:11:10.000 But when you're walking around with that 25 pounds on, that is just, you're carrying that, man.

01:11:16.000 That's a lot of burden on your resources, your biological resources, your tissue, your bones, your joints, your hip, your back.

01:11:26.000 You just fatigue, you know?

01:11:28.000 And then maybe the writing that you do.

01:11:31.000 Maybe your writing would be sharper.

01:11:33.000 Maybe you'd have more that you were thinking about if you had more pumping through your body, you know?

01:11:38.000 Oh, believe me, I agree 100% with everything that you're saying.

01:11:43.000 It's not even an issue of not knowing or not understanding or not seeing the bigger picture.

01:11:48.000 Got to get you on Adderall and Ozempic.

01:11:50.000 Nice.

01:11:50.000 Let's go.

01:11:51.000 I just got on Ozempic.

01:11:52.000 Did you?

01:11:53.000 Oh, yeah.

01:11:54.000 Does it work?

01:11:54.000 Want to hear something funny?

01:11:55.000 I got approached by Ozempic early on before they had the fucking song. 0.99

01:11:59.000 Oh, boy. 0.99

01:12:01.000 What's the song?

01:12:01.000 I didn't even know they have a song.

01:12:02.000 Oh, oh, oh, Ozempic. 0.74

01:12:06.000 It's based on that old song, yeah.

01:12:07.000 Oh, it's Magic, that song?

01:12:09.000 Yeah.

01:12:09.000 And so they approached me and they wanted me to be their spokesperson for Ozempic.

01:12:15.000 Yeah?

01:12:15.000 And, you know, we took a meeting and everything and, I mean, you know.

01:12:18.000 I appreciated the fact that they actually approached a diabetic to be the spokesperson.

01:12:23.000 Diabetes medicine.

01:12:24.000 Yeah.

01:12:25.000 I'm going to be the new Wilford Brimley.

01:12:28.000 So the deal didn't work out.

01:12:31.000 But you're still doing it.

01:12:32.000 So you're on it.

01:12:34.000 What's funny is I wasn't on it when I took the meeting.

01:12:38.000 Like I said, when 2020 hit and I went to go see my doctor, he goes, I'm going to put you on this thing called Ozempic.

01:12:43.000 I'm like, are you freaking kidding me? 0.99

01:12:45.000 I'm like, I couldn't be getting that shit for free. 0.99

01:12:49.000 But yeah, so it's once I, you know, give myself the shot once a week. 1.00

01:12:52.000 Some people use it to lose weight.

01:12:54.000 You know, like people that aren't necessarily really big will use that to, you know, suppress their appetite and stuff like that.

01:13:02.000 Because it will make you a little nauseous.

01:13:05.000 Like in the mornings I wake up and I'm like, oh, I gotta drink like a shake or something.

01:13:08.000 So you only do it once a week.

01:13:10.000 When people are on it for weight loss, do they do it like every day?

01:13:12.000 Like how often do they do it?

01:13:13.000 I don't know what the cycle is for using Ozempic for weight loss.

01:13:18.000 But I just know that when I first did it, I dropped 15 pounds in, God, like a week.

01:13:23.000 Wow.

01:13:23.000 Yeah.

01:13:24.000 So your body will react to it immediately, but then, of course, you plateau and stuff like that.

01:13:28.000 They say that it limits your appetite.

01:13:31.000 That's one of the big effects of it.

01:13:33.000 Yeah, because I was waking up queasy.

01:13:35.000 And so, you know, you can feel a little nauseous.

01:13:37.000 You're not really trying to...

01:13:38.000 It's crazy because it's everywhere.

01:13:39.000 Like, you see all these ads for it.

01:13:41.000 And even, like, Tony Hinchcliffe brought this up.

01:13:43.000 Like, CNN had a thing on it that it seems like a story, but it kind of is an ad.

01:13:48.000 It's kind of an ad for Ozempic, but it seems like it's a story about Hollywood celebrities, but really just jazzing up the fact that everybody's taking Ozempic.

01:13:56.000 It seems like there's something more going on there other than just...

01:14:00.000 Just Ozempic?

01:14:01.000 Yeah.

01:14:01.000 You probably got paid to do that story.

01:14:05.000 Because I'm telling you, I take it every week, and that initial first hit of the weight loss, yeah, it's true.

01:14:11.000 But at least it didn't continue for me.

01:14:14.000 How often do people take Ozempic when they're trying to lose weight, Jamie?

01:14:17.000 Yeah, so once a week.

01:14:18.000 It's like also you tapering off, I think, or yeah.

01:14:23.000 Or maybe it gets higher.

01:14:24.000 I think maybe it's actually ramping up the dosage, you know?

01:14:28.000 Like you start, well, let's say like 0.25 units up to like one full.

01:14:31.000 But there's supposed to be a time where you're supposed to get off of it, right?

01:14:36.000 As far as if you're trying to cut weight with it, I don't know.

01:14:40.000 It is like a cycle.

01:14:42.000 You're supposed to be 12 weeks on, probably 12 weeks off. 1.00

01:14:44.000 These motherfuckers are pushing that. 1.00

01:14:46.000 But it does help regulate my sugar. 1.00

01:14:48.000 Between the monitor, because my monitor is always checking my sugar.

01:14:53.000 For example, right now, I don't have the monitor with me.

01:14:56.000 It's in the car because the honey spikes my sugar like nothing else.

01:15:02.000 But because my voice is a little off right now, that's why I'm taking the honey.

01:15:05.000 Yeah.

01:15:07.000 So do you watch like sugar, like bread?

01:15:09.000 You cut that stuff out of your diet?

01:15:11.000 After a while, you start knowing exactly what does what.

01:15:14.000 So you already know like, oh, I can eat that.

01:15:16.000 I shouldn't.

01:15:17.000 And then, you know, you see things and you're like, all right, this is going to set it off.

01:15:20.000 So I also have my, I take insulin.

01:15:24.000 Oh, okay.

01:15:25.000 So I play that game.

01:15:27.000 How long have you been doing that?

01:15:29.000 Oh god, over five years for sure.

01:15:31.000 So is this type 2 diabetes?

01:15:32.000 Yes.

01:15:33.000 So that's the type that you can reverse with diet and exercise?

01:15:37.000 Yes.

01:15:39.000 And again, it's not for lack of knowing.

01:15:40.000 I already know.

01:15:41.000 I get it, bro. 0.94

01:15:42.000 And that's what sucks.

01:15:43.000 It's like, I feel like everything that I've ever attempted to do for my career, I've been able to do.

01:15:51.000 But for myself, my personal self, losing weight's been the hardest thing. 0.89

01:15:55.000 The hardest fucking thing in the world. 0.52

01:15:57.000 Somebody explained it to me and it makes a lot of sense. 0.98

01:15:59.000 One of the reasons why food addictions are the hardest to stop is because you still have to eat food.

01:16:04.000 Whereas, like, say if you had a gambling addiction, and you went and got counseling, and you stayed out of the casinos, and now you don't have to think about it anymore.

01:16:12.000 You don't have to gamble every day, but you have to eat every day.

01:16:15.000 Yes. 1.00

01:16:16.000 So if you have an addiction to food, and then you're eating fucking celery... 1.00

01:16:20.000 A little bit of peanut butter on it. 0.99

01:16:21.000 Like, what is this?

01:16:23.000 Exactly.

01:16:23.000 Well, I would just eat the peanut butter.

01:16:25.000 I'd eat the peanut butter off the celery.

01:16:27.000 Yeah.

01:16:28.000 Well, it's just, it's hard.

01:16:30.000 It's a very difficult one because the fact that you have to engage in the same activity that you're addicted to, which is eating.

01:16:36.000 You have to, in order to stay alive.

01:16:38.000 You know, and then you hear words like, oh, moderation.

01:16:40.000 Oh, you just gotta be, you know, be more mindful.

01:16:43.000 I'm like, ugh.

01:16:44.000 Well, it's like everybody's got their own thing, too.

01:16:46.000 It's a feeling.

01:16:46.000 It is like a drug.

01:16:48.000 It's like when you're eating some pasta.

01:16:50.000 It's like, oh!

01:16:51.000 You feel good.

01:16:52.000 You're sitting there like, oh!

01:16:54.000 It's not just the eating part.

01:16:56.000 It's how you feel when you're doing it.

01:16:58.000 100%.

01:16:58.000 That is all Italian food is for me.

01:17:00.000 I mean, it's the feeling of it.

01:17:03.000 It's like, oh! 0.99

01:17:04.000 When you're all sitting around drinking red wine, I know I'm going to feel like dog shit in like an hour. 0.99

01:17:09.000 Later, but at that time. 0.99

01:17:10.000 At that moment, it's worth it.

01:17:12.000 But it's just only worth it for me like once in a blue moon.

01:17:15.000 When I eat like that all the time, I get fat.

01:17:18.000 I just like get slower.

01:17:22.000 My brain doesn't work as well.

01:17:24.000 You get foggy.

01:17:25.000 Yeah, I get foggy.

01:17:27.000 And it's so easy to gain weight.

01:17:28.000 It's so easy to keep eating when you're eating, like, bread and pasta.

01:17:32.000 I could just overeat pasta to the end of time.

01:17:35.000 Like, I'm done eating, but I still want more.

01:17:38.000 Like, I'm more than stuffed, and I'm still, like, twirling my fork in that spaghetti.

01:17:46.000 And for me, bread is the biggest crack. 0.99

01:17:50.000 And then they come over with some tiramisu, and you're like, fuck it, I'm in. 0.99

01:17:53.000 So you're already stuffed. 0.99

01:17:54.000 You can't even eat any more spaghetti, and you're just down in tiramisu.

01:17:58.000 Yeah, I've had some very high-calorie meals.

01:18:02.000 But as long as I don't allow myself to do that every now and again, I'm good.

01:18:06.000 So what I do is I eat almost entirely meat.

01:18:10.000 That's most of my diet.

01:18:11.000 High-protein diet, yeah.

01:18:12.000 I'm on what's called a carnivore diet.

01:18:15.000 I'll have a piece of fruit every now and again, but that's kind of it.

01:18:18.000 A little piece of lettuce.

01:18:20.000 I've cheated a couple of times.

01:18:21.000 I had an acai bowl the other day, but it's rare.

01:18:25.000 And I feel great when I eat like this.

01:18:27.000 I just feel...

01:18:29.000 I lose weight, I get lighter, and I'm more clear-headed, which is very strange.

01:18:33.000 I think it's because your body starts processing ketones.

01:18:37.000 Your brain starts processing ketones instead of carbohydrates.

01:18:41.000 Anytime I've had success with weight loss, it's always because I cut out, you know, I went higher on the protein, and I cut back on the breads and the pastas and the sugars and stuff.

01:18:49.000 We're gonna get you a guy, Gabe.

01:18:51.000 I'm gonna get you a guy. 0.93

01:18:52.000 We're gonna get you somebody to fucking set you right. 0.97

01:18:54.000 We're gonna do this. 0.97

01:18:56.000 I want to make it a project.

01:18:58.000 Some of the things I've tried, I've actually hired a nutritionist to live with me, like a person making me my food.

01:19:03.000 What's an annoying person cooking in your house? 0.99

01:19:05.000 God, yeah. 1.00

01:19:06.000 Fuck out of here. 1.00

01:19:06.000 I couldn't take it. 1.00

01:19:07.000 Fuck out of here. 1.00

01:19:08.000 You know what? 1.00

01:19:08.000 I choose happiness. 1.00

01:19:10.000 I'd rather be fat.

01:19:12.000 If you'd rather choose happiness, too.

01:19:14.000 The thing is, you can do both.

01:19:16.000 You can enjoy food, and you can also lose weight and be healthy.

01:19:20.000 But you have to do it the right way.

01:19:22.000 And you have to do it in a way that's sustainable.

01:19:24.000 That's what's difficult for people.

01:19:25.000 I keep hearing the word lifestyle.

01:19:26.000 It's a lifestyle.

01:19:29.000 You just gotta get addicted to being healthy, right?

01:19:31.000 You're addicted to food, you know, and I am too.

01:19:34.000 I get addicted to food.

01:19:35.000 But you also can get addicted to being healthy.

01:19:38.000 Another thing that happens is when you start eating really healthy, especially when you start eating low-carbohydrate, high-fat, high-animal fat, animal meat, your gut biome changes.

01:19:49.000 And that starts becoming what you're interested in eating.

01:19:52.000 Like, your body craves that.

01:19:53.000 If I eat a lot of sugar and a lot of carbohydrates, I just want to eat it all the time.

01:19:57.000 I want to eat bread with butter.

01:19:58.000 I want to have a sandwich.

01:19:59.000 I want to have a bowl of spaghetti or a lasagna or something like that.

01:20:03.000 But when I don't eat like that, that's not what I crave.

01:20:06.000 Then I crave meat.

01:20:08.000 That's where I'm at right now.

01:20:09.000 So I'm two months in.

01:20:10.000 So I'm just trying to eat eggs and meat all the time.

01:20:14.000 That's all I'm hungry for.

01:20:15.000 And you know what?

01:20:16.000 I've been able to do that for a while, but then I start craving.

01:20:20.000 I start craving the bread or tortillas or pasta or rice.

01:20:23.000 Yeah, talk to me.

01:20:24.000 Rice.

01:20:25.000 And it's just like, ugh. 0.99

01:20:25.000 The problem is Mexican food is so fucking delicious. 0.99

01:20:27.000 Oh, yes it is. 0.98

01:20:28.000 It is amazing. 0.98

01:20:29.000 It's so fucking delicious, bro. 0.96

01:20:33.000 I love me a Mexican restaurant, like, one of them hole-in-the-walls that has the Mexican soap operas playing and nobody speaks English. 1.00

01:20:41.000 You know you're gonna get the real shit. 0.96

01:20:43.000 There's a place called The Big Burrito in, uh, I think it was in, it's like right outside of Woodland Hills, where my old studio was. 0.99

01:20:52.000 And we would go down there, man, it was sensational.

01:20:56.000 Lengua quesadillas, they had real menudo that smells like a barn.

01:20:59.000 It was outstanding. 1.00

01:21:01.000 The real shit, you know? 1.00

01:21:03.000 With all the oils and the red and fucking the tripe and woo! 1.00

01:21:07.000 God damn, it's good. 1.00

01:21:08.000 Like the letters in the window. 0.99

01:21:10.000 Oh my god.

01:21:10.000 That's the spot.

01:21:11.000 That's the spot.

01:21:12.000 That place is so legit.

01:21:14.000 Ah, look at the little thing where you can buy the toys for a quarter.

01:21:16.000 I used to not blow them up.

01:21:18.000 I used to not blow them up because I didn't want to ruin it.

01:21:20.000 But they sent me a message the other day thanking me because we've talked about it a bunch of times.

01:21:24.000 It's so legit.

01:21:25.000 But there's a bunch of those places.

01:21:27.000 They're all throughout L.A., you know?

01:21:28.000 I mean, when you got a lot of Mexicans, you got a lot of great Mexican food.

01:21:31.000 It's like you go to the East Coast, a lot of Italians, a lot of great Italian foods.

01:21:35.000 You know, you got to go to where those people make it, like, authentic.

01:21:39.000 And out here they do Tex-Mex.

01:21:40.000 Which is a little different.

01:21:41.000 You know what?

01:21:42.000 I like it a lot.

01:21:43.000 I like Tex-Mex.

01:21:44.000 I prefer Tex-Mex over regular Mexican food.

01:21:46.000 Do you really?

01:21:47.000 Yes, I do.

01:21:48.000 That's sacrum.

01:21:49.000 I know, right?

01:21:50.000 That's the kind of Mexican I am.

01:21:52.000 No, Tex-Mex is awesome. 1.00

01:21:53.000 What's your favorite shit? 1.00

01:21:54.000 Barbacoa. 1.00

01:21:55.000 Barbacoa tacos.

01:21:56.000 Oh, talk to me.

01:21:57.000 I like how you say that.

01:21:58.000 Pork guisada taco.

01:21:59.000 Woo! 0.99

01:22:00.000 Yeah, that's good stuff.

01:22:01.000 Yeah, and actually, I can find that here.

01:22:03.000 Yeah, all the food here is sensational.

01:22:05.000 I'll let you know now where I'm going after I leave.

01:22:07.000 It's the hard spot to be on a good diet.

01:22:09.000 Yeah.

01:22:10.000 There's so many good spots.

01:22:11.000 It's an interesting city because it's so artistic.

01:22:14.000 There's so much live music, you know, and now the comedy scene's exploding and the food scene's exploding.

01:22:19.000 There's so many great restaurants here.

01:22:20.000 Oh, this is a great food city.

01:22:22.000 Oh, my God.

01:22:22.000 A great food city.

01:22:23.000 While you're in town, I get to send you out to Sushi by Scratch.

01:22:27.000 It's in Cedar Park.

01:22:29.000 It's about 30 minutes from here.

01:22:30.000 It is the most sensational sushi you will ever have in your life.

01:22:34.000 It's omakase.

01:22:35.000 You sit down there.

01:22:36.000 The dude's got a Michelin star.

01:22:38.000 It's sensational.

01:22:39.000 Oh, wow.

01:22:39.000 It's so good, dude.

01:22:40.000 It's so good.

01:22:41.000 He's got two different Michelin stars at two different restaurants he runs.

01:22:44.000 That's a bad dude.

01:22:45.000 He's a bad man.

01:22:45.000 Philip Franklin Lee, my man.

01:22:47.000 He's great. 0.99

01:22:47.000 He also runs a fucking killer burger place here called Not A Damn Chance Burger. 0.99

01:22:51.000 He just makes one kind of cheeseburger but does it perfect with, like, wagyu, ground beef, and just pickles, onions, American cheese. 0.99

01:23:01.000 Bam! 0.98

01:23:01.000 And you eat it, you're like, Jesus Christ, this is good. 0.98

01:23:04.000 Yeah.

01:23:05.000 So, yeah, losing weight's hard, Joe.

01:23:07.000 I hear you, brother.

01:23:08.000 I hear you.

01:23:09.000 I hear you, man.

01:23:10.000 And then, you know, it's like the better comedy got for me and just, you know, you're able to afford to eat out every night.

01:23:21.000 And that becomes a problem, too.

01:23:24.000 I was in much better shape when I was broke.

01:23:26.000 When I was broke and I couldn't afford to go out and eat at some of these places, man...

01:23:30.000 I was, you know, I was still a big kid, but I wasn't where I'm at now.

01:23:34.000 Right.

01:23:35.000 But being able to go and like, what?

01:23:37.000 You want to go eat, you know, a Ruth Chris Steakhouse and have some baked potatoes and have a steak dipped in butter?

01:23:43.000 Let's go.

01:23:44.000 Yeah, let's do it.

01:23:44.000 Let's go.

01:23:45.000 You want to go again?

01:23:46.000 Sure.

01:23:46.000 Let's go.

01:23:47.000 Let's go.

01:23:48.000 And it's just like, dude, at a certain point that becomes a reality, and you lose touch with the fact that you're getting it over your head.

01:23:55.000 The key to getting you in shape, though, is someone has to do it correctly, and they've got to do it slow.

01:23:59.000 And they've got to do it with a heart monitor, and they've got to do it with a monitor your heart rate variability.

01:24:07.000 Like, you should use a whoop strap or some other similar kind of thing.

01:24:12.000 And have someone do it, making sure your sleep is good and making sure that your nutrient levels are good.

01:24:18.000 And just slowly.

01:24:19.000 Start slowly.

01:24:20.000 That's a lot of monitoring.

01:24:22.000 Yeah, but that's how they have to do it.

01:24:23.000 That's to do it right.

01:24:24.000 All I heard was strap and monitoring.

01:24:26.000 I was like, all right.

01:24:27.000 The Whoop is an easy one.

01:24:28.000 You wear it on your wrist.

01:24:29.000 It's nothing.

01:24:30.000 Oh, is that like a Fitbit or what is that?

01:24:31.000 Yeah, it's like that.

01:24:31.000 But it gets your heart rate.

01:24:35.000 It finds out when you're sleeping.

01:24:36.000 It gives you all this information, what your recovery is based on heart rate variability.

01:24:40.000 It's really good.

01:24:41.000 It's a really good device.

01:24:42.000 It's simple, easy to use.

01:24:43.000 The app's easy to use.

01:24:45.000 The good thing about it is you don't have to guess. 1.00

01:24:48.000 If you wake up and you go, I feel like shit, and then you look at your recovery like, you shouldn't feel like shit. 1.00

01:24:52.000 Maybe you're just being a lazy bitch. 1.00

01:24:54.000 And you go, let me just start working out a little bit and see how I feel. 1.00

01:24:57.000 And most of the times when I do that, As long as I'm not really...

01:25:01.000 You've got to know your body.

01:25:03.000 Sometimes I'm like, I might be fighting something off.

01:25:04.000 I feel weak.

01:25:05.000 Maybe I'm just going to go light and just break a little sweat and then go home.

01:25:09.000 But other times, they break that sweat and you're like, whoa, let's go!

01:25:12.000 And then you start feeling it.

01:25:13.000 You're like, I just need to get woken up.

01:25:15.000 So it gives you data, which I think is important.

01:25:17.000 So you make informed decisions.

01:25:19.000 So if you wake up and you...

01:25:20.000 A lot of my friends found out they had COVID. Because they woke up and they just didn't feel right and they looked at their whoop strap and it said like, hey, your recovery was like 10%.

01:25:28.000 I'm like, what the fuck is going on? 0.81

01:25:30.000 Like, why is my heart rate so high? 0.99

01:25:32.000 You know, and then they get tested and they go, oh, you got COVID. So good.

01:25:35.000 Now you can calm down and recover from it without letting your body get seriously taxed out and getting really sick.

01:25:42.000 So now...

01:25:43.000 Slow down now and now let's treat it now.

01:25:46.000 So a lot of people that I know that did that, they've avoided flus and avoided them getting really bad because you catch them early.

01:25:53.000 It gives you a heads up.

01:25:54.000 Catch them early, get a vitamin IV drip.

01:25:56.000 You ever do those?

01:25:56.000 Yes.

01:25:57.000 Ooh, that's good.

01:25:57.000 That's a game changer.

01:25:58.000 That's a game changer.

01:26:00.000 Vitamin IV with zinc, that's a game changer.

01:26:03.000 The whole cocktail.

01:26:04.000 Oh, the whole cocktail.

01:26:05.000 That immunity cocktail.

01:26:06.000 I'm totally all for it.

01:26:07.000 Oh, so good for you.

01:26:08.000 So good for you.

01:26:08.000 High dose vitamin C. Just give it to me, baby.

01:26:12.000 You walk out of there, you feel like...

01:26:13.000 I found, though, that I was doing a lot more of those for recovery versus being like...

01:26:20.000 From getting hammered?

01:26:21.000 Not necessarily just from being hammered, but, you know, because I do drink.

01:26:24.000 But, you know, just being out there on the road for so much.

01:26:28.000 It's like, go, go, go, go, go.

01:26:30.000 Yeah.

01:26:30.000 Yeah, let's add a show.

01:26:31.000 Sure, let's do it.

01:26:32.000 And then it's like drained.

01:26:33.000 And I found that I was getting that done regularly.

01:26:36.000 More so to recover versus, let me just do it to be more proactive.

01:26:39.000 I learned it from Dave.

01:26:40.000 Oh.

01:26:40.000 The first time I was going on the road with Dave, he goes, you want to get an IV? I'm like, what are you guys doing?

01:26:46.000 You go into his room. 0.99

01:26:47.000 He's got a fucking penthouse room, right? 0.99

01:26:48.000 So we go into his room, and there's like trees set up where they have these IV trees, and this whole crew is sitting there getting IV bags. 0.99

01:26:55.000 I'm like, this is amazing.

01:26:56.000 This is so rock star.

01:26:58.000 This is so next level.

01:26:59.000 They drink tequila until like 3 o'clock in the morning, do mushrooms, and the next day they get IV'd.

01:27:05.000 And the first time I did it, I was like, oh!

01:27:08.000 Because, like, we had gone hard.

01:27:10.000 We did the Tacoma Dome in Seattle, wherever the hell it is, Tacoma, Washington. 0.99

01:27:15.000 We were fucking, we got out. 0.98

01:27:17.000 It was so fun. 0.95

01:27:18.000 It was, like, one of the first ones we did.

01:27:19.000 So it was just crazy afterwards.

01:27:21.000 And we went out and we saw Once Upon a Time in Hollywood.

01:27:25.000 Privately in a movie.

01:27:26.000 Dave rented out the whole movie theater.

01:27:28.000 They had popcorn for us and everything. 0.99

01:27:29.000 It was fucking amazing. 0.99

01:27:31.000 And it was like 3 in the morning. 0.99

01:27:33.000 And, you know, everybody's hammered.

01:27:35.000 Oh, my God.

01:27:35.000 And Donnell Rollins starts snoring.

01:27:39.000 A bunch of people started snoring.

01:27:42.000 It was fun, though, man.

01:27:44.000 But then the next day, you're like, oh, Jesus, we got a show tonight?

01:27:46.000 But you get that IV, you're like...

01:27:49.000 I'm still good.

01:27:50.000 You fire right back up.

01:27:52.000 Have a good meal in you.

01:27:53.000 Get some vitamins.

01:27:53.000 Let's go.

01:27:54.000 Let's fucking go. 0.99

01:27:56.000 Man. 1.00

01:27:56.000 Watching a movie at 3 a.m. 1.00

01:27:58.000 In a theater.

01:27:59.000 In a theater.

01:27:59.000 Yeah.

01:28:00.000 Eating popcorn, too.

01:28:00.000 They have bags of popcorn for us.

01:28:02.000 It was amazing.

01:28:03.000 They had candy laid out for us.

01:28:05.000 That is awesome.

01:28:06.000 Dave's a rock star.

01:28:07.000 He's a different human.

01:28:09.000 You're traveling with him. 1.00

01:28:10.000 People just let him do shit. 1.00

01:28:12.000 Fire up a cigarette in a restaurant. 1.00

01:28:13.000 No one says shit. 1.00

01:28:15.000 How awesome is that? 0.99

01:28:17.000 Only him and Snoop could probably pull that off.

01:28:19.000 Yeah, Snoop could pull it off.

01:28:20.000 Snoop could spark up a joint in the middle of a police station and they would just smile.

01:28:23.000 Can I get a picture, Snoop?

01:28:29.000 Yeah, I mean, you achieve legendary status.

01:28:31.000 You deserve that, you know?

01:28:33.000 For sure.

01:28:34.000 What are you going to do?

01:28:35.000 It's part of the thing.

01:28:36.000 But it's just cool to know people like that, you know?

01:28:38.000 That's one of the nice things about LA, too, is that they were always coming through.

01:28:41.000 And that's nice about Austin.

01:28:43.000 A lot of guys have been coming through.

01:28:44.000 So it's like, you know, when someone's in town doing a theater, I'll go check them out.

01:28:48.000 Go to the arena.

01:28:49.000 We went to see Bill Burr when he was at the arena.

01:28:52.000 Went to see Louie.

01:28:53.000 He was down here at the Moody.

01:28:55.000 It's great.

01:28:56.000 It's been fun.

01:28:56.000 The Moody!

01:28:57.000 That's where I was at last time.

01:28:58.000 God, that place is awesome.

01:28:59.000 It's beautiful.

01:29:00.000 We were there for the Kill Tony 10-year anniversary show on Saturday night.

01:29:03.000 It was insane.

01:29:05.000 Because I was there.

01:29:07.000 Have you ever done Kill Tony?

01:29:08.000 No.

01:29:08.000 You've got to do Kill Tony.

01:29:09.000 You must. 0.99

01:29:10.000 You have to.

01:29:11.000 You've got to be a guest.

01:29:12.000 It's so much fun.

01:29:13.000 Do you know what it is?

01:29:16.000 I've heard of it, but I keep seeing it popping up.

01:29:19.000 It's professionals, guys like Shane Gillis and David Tell.

01:29:23.000 They'll sit in, and they're the guests.

01:29:26.000 And then they have comedians, a lot of them amateur, maybe first time ever on stage, and they're going to do one minute.

01:29:32.000 I've seen it.

01:29:35.000 It's hilarious. 1.00

01:29:36.000 It's a great fucking show. 1.00

01:29:37.000 It can be brutal too. 1.00

01:29:38.000 It can be very brutal.

01:29:40.000 But also loving.

01:29:42.000 And a lot of people have created careers out of that show.

01:29:45.000 A lot of people.

01:29:45.000 There's a lot of people that are touring headliners now and they started out doing one minute on Kill Tony.

01:29:49.000 And now ten years later they're on the road making a living doing stand-up.

01:29:53.000 And then they get invited back onto the show as guests.

01:29:55.000 They get invited back on the show to do a minute.

01:29:57.000 It's amazing.

01:29:58.000 It's beautiful.

01:29:59.000 And then they did the 10-year anniversary. 0.98

01:30:01.000 And it was fucking wild. 0.99

01:30:04.000 It was wild. 1.00

01:30:05.000 Like, just the ovation they got when they started the show, I was like, holy shit. 0.99

01:30:09.000 It's that big now? 0.99

01:30:10.000 Yeah, because I was there in the belly room, when the belly room was like half-filled. 0.90

01:30:13.000 And they were just kind of fucking around up there. 0.89

01:30:16.000 And I was like, this is amazing. 0.98

01:30:18.000 I love things like that.

01:30:19.000 Good to see where it's gotten...

01:30:20.000 I love seeing people succeed.

01:30:22.000 I really do.

01:30:23.000 I get a kick out of it.

01:30:25.000 It just charges me up, man.

01:30:27.000 I just love seeing people pull it together.

01:30:30.000 I love seeing people pull something off.

01:30:32.000 I'm like, look at you go.

01:30:34.000 Look at you go.

01:30:35.000 That's how I felt with you when I saw you in Dodger Stadium.

01:30:38.000 I was like, look at him go.

01:30:40.000 Look at Fluffy.

01:30:41.000 Let me tell you something, though.

01:30:44.000 Being able to do all those things, it's awesome, but the sacrifice of losing touch with certain things, like, I feel terrible that I'm, like, just now getting introduced to something like, you know, Kill Tony, because it's like, you know, at a certain point,

01:30:59.000 you are so focused on working, you stop seeing other things that are out there.

01:31:05.000 You lose touch with a lot because you're just focused on making this machine go, go, go.

01:31:10.000 And I feel like, man, how much have I been missing out on?

01:31:14.000 Because I'm working and working and working.

01:31:17.000 Yeah.

01:31:18.000 I get it, but I don't think you should be hard on yourself like that. 0.99

01:31:21.000 I don't think you're missing out on jack shit. 0.99

01:31:23.000 Nice. 0.98

01:31:24.000 I think you're experiencing the most amazing life a person can experience. 0.97

01:31:27.000 You're a fucking major success touring stand-up comedian who's beloved by all. 0.98

01:31:32.000 Come on, man. 0.99

01:31:32.000 That's the greatest thing you could ever have. 0.99

01:31:34.000 What the fuck are you missing out on? 0.98

01:31:35.000 It is incredible. 1.00

01:31:37.000 It's amazing.

01:31:37.000 But I do feel, though, that I rob myself of opportunities to learn and grow in different areas because I'm doing this so much.

01:31:47.000 Well, that's a beautiful mindset.

01:31:48.000 That's a growth mindset you have.

01:31:50.000 That's why you're thinking like that because you're never really totally satisfied with yourself.

01:31:53.000 But that's also why you're so good.

01:31:55.000 You have a great reputation as a person, too, which I really admire.

01:31:59.000 Oh, thank you.

01:31:59.000 Yeah.

01:32:00.000 People love you.

01:32:01.000 They really do.

01:32:03.000 I don't think I've ever heard anybody say a bad thing about you, ever.

01:32:06.000 No, I appreciate you saying that.

01:32:07.000 In all the years that I've known you, not one.

01:32:09.000 Everybody's like, Fluffy's the best.

01:32:11.000 He's the nicest guy.

01:32:13.000 You know, you could get to the success that you've reached and not have a pile of people that are hating on you.

01:32:19.000 That's amazing.

01:32:19.000 That's beautiful.

01:32:20.000 Yeah, especially in this business.

01:32:22.000 Especially in this business, yeah. 0.80

01:32:24.000 This business could be like the most community-oriented, comforting, fucking beautiful brother and sisterhood, or it could just be backstabbing nightmare, depending on the circles you travel in and, you know, the stage of your career and also what you give off. 0.94

01:32:39.000 You know, it's all what you give off. 0.89

01:32:41.000 Now's another thing too is that I always kept a circle very small and I always kept myself busy and away from the potential of having these conflicts.

01:32:50.000 Yeah, you gotta do that.

01:32:52.000 That's important.

01:32:53.000 That's important.

01:32:54.000 Keeping your circle small is important.

01:32:56.000 Small but strong, you know?

01:32:58.000 And it inspires everybody else, too.

01:33:01.000 You know, I'm sure the guys you bring with you on the road, they get inspired.

01:33:04.000 They're getting better.

01:33:05.000 You know, everybody gets fired up when they see that kind of experience.

01:33:07.000 It's like, wow, I didn't even know this was possible, you know?

01:33:10.000 Yeah.

01:33:11.000 You know, and that night at Dodger Stadium, you know, I was on stage with my buddy Martin and Alfred.

01:33:16.000 And it's like we've been on tour for so many years.

01:33:19.000 And so, like, that was a very, like, it was our moment.

01:33:23.000 Yeah.

01:33:23.000 Wasn't my moment.

01:33:24.000 It was our moment.

01:33:25.000 It felt really, really good because we were all on that grind and, you know, from these little messed up cities to all of a sudden being in Europe and all over the place.

01:33:34.000 And now we're back home.

01:33:35.000 And it's like, you know, it's not a two o'clock show at the Ice House.

01:33:39.000 Are you doing Spanish shows?

01:33:42.000 You know what?

01:33:42.000 I've attempted to do it, and yes, I do speak Spanish, but it's very different.

01:33:46.000 I still think in English, and so to try to do my set in Spanish, I feel like it loses a lot.

01:33:52.000 I've opened up for a comic named Franco Escamilla.

01:33:56.000 Amazing comedian.

01:33:57.000 Great storyteller.

01:33:58.000 Super, super funny.

01:33:59.000 And I got a chance to open for him in Mexico City at an arena for his Netflix special.

01:34:06.000 And I told him, look, I'll do 15 minutes to open in front of you on the condition that you do 15 minutes in English at Staples Center, when it was still Staples Center.

01:34:16.000 So that was our agreement.

01:34:17.000 He's going to perform in English, and I'm going to perform in Spanish.

01:34:20.000 Oh, that's amazing.

01:34:21.000 And we both agreed we need to stick to our language.

01:34:23.000 LAUGHTER Tom Segura's been doing Spanish shows.

01:34:27.000 But see, Tom is like a sleeper, man.

01:34:29.000 You don't realize that Tom can do that.

01:34:31.000 The first time I heard Tom Segura speak Spanish, I'm like, who are you?

01:34:34.000 Fluent.

01:34:35.000 Yeah.

01:34:35.000 There is no like, hola, amigo.

01:34:38.000 There's none of that shit. 1.00

01:34:39.000 He's very like, hola. 1.00

01:34:40.000 He sounds like a soap opera star.

01:34:42.000 And when he speaks Spanish, you're like, ooh, look at you. 1.00

01:34:44.000 Oh, he can speak the shit out of some Spanish. 1.00

01:34:46.000 What's crazy is when people talk shit around him and they don't know he can speak Spanish because he looks like a regular white guy. 1.00

01:34:52.000 And then he'll turn and just start just fluent. 0.99

01:34:55.000 Ripping into him.

01:34:55.000 Yeah.

01:34:55.000 And he could do jokes in Spanish.

01:34:57.000 Like, he's fluent enough that he can manipulate his bits and turn them into bits that work in Spanish.

01:35:03.000 Yeah, he And what I wanted to say is that,

01:35:24.000 20 years ago, I had a friend there who was Spanish, that is, from Madrid.

01:35:39.000 Amazing.

01:35:40.000 I wish I could do that.

01:35:41.000 Like, he's just making noise to me.

01:35:43.000 Funny, right?

01:35:43.000 Yeah.

01:35:44.000 I wish I could do that.

01:35:45.000 I think there's a real value in learning a second language. 0.96

01:35:49.000 It's one of those things where I was like, God damn it, I don't have the time. 0.72

01:35:52.000 But I wish I did. 1.00

01:35:53.000 But part of me says, you do stupid. 1.00

01:35:54.000 You do a lot of other stuff. 1.00

01:35:56.000 Why don't you dedicate a few hours a week to learn Spanish?

01:35:59.000 You know, I mean, if nothing else, just to communicate with people.

01:36:03.000 Not necessarily if you want to do stand-up in Spanish.

01:36:05.000 Again, I thought about it.

01:36:06.000 I thought it'd be a great challenge, but...

01:36:08.000 Oh, God.

01:36:09.000 No.

01:36:10.000 No.

01:36:11.000 I'm already doing it the way that it works for me.

01:36:13.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:36:14.000 Fuck it. 1.00

01:36:14.000 You know, why? 1.00

01:36:15.000 Exactly.

01:36:16.000 Why make your life harder?

01:36:17.000 Why make my life harder?

01:36:19.000 I'm good.

01:36:19.000 I can still go perform in Mexico in English.

01:36:21.000 Bro, when Joey Diaz used to mix Spanish and English in Miami... 0.99

01:36:27.000 When Joey, who's Cuban from Miami, when he would hit those motherfuckers with like some Cuban slang. 1.00

01:36:34.000 Oh my god. 1.00

01:36:36.000 Oh my god.

01:36:37.000 You could not follow that.

01:36:38.000 Nobody could follow that.

01:36:38.000 It was chaos.

01:36:40.000 It was chaos.

01:36:41.000 When I watched Joey crush at the Miami Improv, I was like, this might be the hardest a person can kill.

01:36:47.000 Because he's funny already, and then he hits him with some Spanish punchlines and people are dying. 1.00

01:36:52.000 Because you're hyper-relating to the people at that moment.

01:36:55.000 Yes.

01:36:56.000 I remember the first time when I performed in El Paso at the comic strip, you know, there was very few comics that could do Spanglish.

01:37:06.000 And when you got a crowd that's got 80 to 90 percent Mexican and you're hitting them with stuff that's hysterical in English and now you're throwing in like, I'm one of you too.

01:37:17.000 Yeah.

01:37:17.000 It was like, it was such a connection and the response was like, Oh, it was like, wow.

01:37:25.000 I remember I had opened up for a comic named Dan Bradley years ago.

01:37:31.000 Dan Bradley and a feature named Jay Vermetti.

01:37:34.000 And I'm the emcee.

01:37:37.000 And so I went out there and I'm hosting the show.

01:37:39.000 And I'd hit him with all the English, Spanish, and then hitting local references because I would spend so much time in the city.

01:37:46.000 Yeah.

01:37:46.000 Like Doña Flor and La Esquina in the corner.

01:37:49.000 And then like, oh my God, he knows Doña Flor.

01:37:51.000 You know, this outside.

01:37:52.000 So when you start hitting him with stuff like that, the feature goes, hey man, you're going out there with too much energy.

01:37:58.000 You need to set the tone for the show.

01:38:00.000 You got to build it up.

01:38:01.000 You got to prepare, you know, get it so that the feature can take it from there.

01:38:05.000 And then you got to set up the headliner to succeed.

01:38:07.000 And I'm like, oh, I'm sorry.

01:38:09.000 Because I didn't know.

01:38:09.000 I was just excited.

01:38:10.000 And I told the manager that.

01:38:12.000 And the manager goes, you go out there and you put your smack down.

01:38:15.000 And if that feature can't follow you, we'll switch you. 1.00

01:38:18.000 Yeah, shut your mouth.

01:38:19.000 And so the coolest thing was I wanted to do less time and then do more time in between the two.

01:38:26.000 The feature and the headliner as an emcee.

01:38:28.000 And so when I asked the headliner if that was okay, he goes, I'll tell you what, buddy.

01:38:33.000 How about you do just a little bit of time up in front.

01:38:37.000 And when I get off stage, you can go on after me, and you do as much time as you want.

01:38:43.000 I didn't know comedy etiquette yet.

01:38:45.000 I didn't know how it was supposed to go.

01:38:46.000 I didn't know that you're not supposed to do that.

01:38:49.000 I was so new and green.

01:38:51.000 And so I did the small time up front, and then the feature during the show, he was like, that's how you do it, kid.

01:38:59.000 And then after the headliner was done, I went up on stage, and I did another 15-20 minutes.

01:39:05.000 I got a standing ovation.

01:39:07.000 And then when I got off, I'm like, yeah!

01:39:09.000 And then the headliner, the feature, the manager, everybody was waiting to rip me a new one because it's like, yeah, we get it that you can do that, but you're not supposed to do that.

01:39:18.000 But he told you to do it.

01:39:19.000 But that's what I said.

01:39:20.000 I go, he told me to do it. 1.00

01:39:21.000 He goes, Kit, I was fucking with you. 0.99

01:39:23.000 I didn't think you'd really do it. 0.99

01:39:24.000 And I'm like, well, that's how new I was. 0.99

01:39:27.000 No, he wasn't fucking with you. 0.99

01:39:28.000 He was scared of you going on in the middle. 0.99

01:39:30.000 That's what it was.

01:39:31.000 He didn't want you going on and crushing right in front of him.

01:39:34.000 That's hilarious, someone telling you to not be as funny.

01:39:36.000 Don't be so funny.

01:39:37.000 Yeah.

01:39:37.000 You have too much energy.

01:39:39.000 You're too enjoyable.

01:39:41.000 You're too entertaining.

01:39:42.000 How crazy is that, right?

01:39:43.000 But I just remember that when I went up there and I was throwing in Spanish references and I would actually make references to television shows that were in Spanish or things that people could relate to from their childhood.

01:39:54.000 And doing that there, it was just boom.

01:39:58.000 So when you're saying the thing with Joey, I get it.

01:40:01.000 Because when you can do that and you're in an area where they know you and you're like, yes, he's one of us.

01:40:07.000 It's an incredible feeling.

01:40:10.000 Yeah, that's the beauty of being able to speak two languages, man.

01:40:13.000 There's a bunch of...

01:40:14.000 Like, doesn't Eddie Izzard...

01:40:16.000 Hasn't he done shows in, like, German?

01:40:17.000 Multiple languages.

01:40:18.000 Yeah, many, many languages.

01:40:20.000 So to be able to do that...

01:40:22.000 And there's a few comics also, like Canadians, that can do English, French, and then I think even...

01:40:28.000 God, not Farsi. 1.00

01:40:30.000 There was a comic named Sugar Sammy who can perform in multiple languages.

01:40:33.000 Have you ever talked to Eddie Izzard?

01:40:35.000 I've never spoken to him.

01:40:36.000 That's an extraordinary person.

01:40:38.000 That's an extraordinary person.

01:40:40.000 Very unusual.

01:40:41.000 Very free, in his own skin.

01:40:43.000 But that's always been him.

01:40:44.000 I've seen all his specials, and I've heard stories about him.

01:40:48.000 He'll make you laugh in four languages.

01:40:49.000 He does stand up in English, French, German, and Spanish.

01:40:52.000 Wow.

01:40:55.000 He's a fascinating guy.

01:40:57.000 I really got interested in him when he ran a marathon a day, like all around the UK. Did you know he did that?

01:41:05.000 No.

01:41:05.000 Dude, he wasn't even in shape.

01:41:08.000 It was just willpower.

01:41:09.000 Like, legitimate willpower.

01:41:11.000 Like, I don't know how much he was running at all, but he certainly wasn't running a marathon a day.

01:41:14.000 He wasn't running enough to protect himself, because he destroyed his feet.

01:41:19.000 Like, his feet were destroyed. 0.97

01:41:20.000 And by the end of it, he was in fucking incredible shape. 0.99

01:41:24.000 But he was running a marathon every goddamn day. 0.99

01:41:26.000 I think he only took, like, one or two days off the entire time. 0.99

01:41:30.000 So he ran 27 marathons in 27 days.

01:41:32.000 Oh my god.

01:41:34.000 He came back and did 43 and 51 days.

01:41:37.000 Is this the first time he did it?

01:41:39.000 This 27 one?

01:41:40.000 I believe so.

01:41:43.000 I almost think he's done it three times now.

01:41:45.000 He did another one where he was...

01:41:47.000 And I say he because I believe he wants to be referred to as he...

01:41:51.000 I want to be respectful of that because he likes women too.

01:41:54.000 He's a very unusual person, but super comfortable in his own skin.

01:41:59.000 Very fluid.

01:41:59.000 But his thing was like he would do a podcast while he was on a treadmill.

01:42:05.000 So he had all these people calling him because he was running on this treadmill some insane amount of miles.

01:42:11.000 And yeah, so I called in and I was talking to him while he was on a treadmill.

01:42:16.000 Yeah.

01:42:17.000 It was 32 in 31 days.

01:42:19.000 32 marathons and 31 days for charity.

01:42:21.000 And he was completing.

01:42:22.000 He was doing 27 miles.

01:42:24.000 Yeah.

01:42:24.000 Yeah, every day.

01:42:25.000 Or 20 is his.

01:42:26.000 26, right?

01:42:26.000 26 miles every day.

01:42:27.000 26.2.

01:42:28.000 Every day.

01:42:30.000 Crazy. 0.99

01:42:31.000 But, I mean, injured, fucked up feet. 0.99

01:42:35.000 There's video of them trying to repair his feet. 0.99

01:42:38.000 Blisters.

01:42:38.000 Just destroyed, man.

01:42:40.000 The feet are destroyed.

01:42:42.000 My friend Cameron Haynes, he runs ultramarathons where they're like 240 mile runs.

01:42:46.000 They take days. 0.93

01:42:48.000 Yeah, ridiculous. 0.88

01:42:49.000 And days. 0.95

01:42:50.000 Days.

01:42:51.000 They run for days.

01:42:52.000 And they don't sleep.

01:42:53.000 They just keep running.

01:42:55.000 But at the end of it, your toenails fall off, your feet are destroyed.

01:42:59.000 Your feet look like you've been running on broken glass.

01:43:04.000 It looks terrible.

01:43:05.000 It's horrible.

01:43:06.000 You'll never hear about me running marathons.

01:43:09.000 That's wild.

01:43:11.000 I think the finish line must be so ecstatic.

01:43:15.000 It must be so amazing that you actually force yourself to do that.

01:43:18.000 That you get addicted to that feeling.

01:43:21.000 The endorphins are just like, wow.

01:43:23.000 Can you imagine forcing yourself to run a hundred miles?

01:43:26.000 I've had dreams of running marathons and like what that must feel like.

01:43:31.000 Yeah.

01:43:32.000 And you know, no.

01:43:34.000 We've had this guy in a couple of times, Zack Bitter.

01:43:36.000 And Zack, he had the world record for the fastest 100 miles around a track.

01:43:43.000 It was something insane.

01:43:44.000 What was it, like 10 hours?

01:43:46.000 100 miles ran in 10 hours?

01:43:49.000 It might have been less than 10 hours.

01:43:51.000 Because I think it was like he averaged like a seven minute mile.

01:43:55.000 So, how many hours did it take Zach to do that?

01:43:59.000 12. 12 hours?

01:44:00.000 Oh, just under 12 hours.

01:44:01.000 12 hours.

01:44:02.000 Okay.

01:44:03.000 So what was his average speed then?

01:44:04.000 That wouldn't be 7 miles an hour.

01:44:05.000 What would that be?

01:44:07.000 He did 100 miles in 11, 40, 55 and kept running.

01:44:13.000 So he could finish for 12 hours to see how much further he'd go.

01:44:16.000 He ran for 40 more minutes.

01:44:17.000 Jesus.

01:44:18.000 And got to 104.8 miles in 12 hours.

01:44:23.000 Someone beat it though in 2022. Some other psychopath went faster.

01:44:28.000 A Lithuanian. 0.99

01:44:28.000 Oh my god. 0.99

01:44:30.000 A Lithuanian.

01:44:31.000 Yeah.

01:44:32.000 Alexander Sorokin.

01:44:35.000 There's always going to be somebody that's willing to push themselves closer to death.

01:44:38.000 Yeah.

01:44:39.000 Yeah, to beat your psychotic record of running 100 miles in under 12 hours.

01:44:46.000 I will never know that one.

01:44:47.000 Yeah.

01:44:48.000 I will never know that one.

01:44:48.000 I don't think I'm going to know that one either.

01:44:49.000 No.

01:44:50.000 I think I'm okay with not knowing that one.

01:44:51.000 I'm good.

01:44:52.000 Yeah.

01:44:52.000 I'll stick to my two o'clock shows.

01:44:54.000 Yeah, that's your marathon. 1.00

01:44:56.000 That is a fucking marathon though, man. 1.00

01:44:58.000 It's a mental marathon for sure. 0.99

01:45:00.000 When I'm doing two shows a night at the mothership, two hours a night, that's like, it's a mental thing.

01:45:04.000 Like, you gotta be fired up.

01:45:05.000 But it's also so exciting.

01:45:07.000 And you feel so fortunate that you can do it, you know?

01:45:10.000 Like, I've never forgotten what it was like when I first started when I just wanted to get on stage and I couldn't get on stage. 0.93

01:45:15.000 It's like, God damn, I want to get up there. 0.93

01:45:17.000 I'm just so hungry for it. 0.99

01:45:19.000 I never forget that.

01:45:20.000 So, like, I hate when people take shows for granted. 1.00

01:45:23.000 Like, damn. 0.99

01:45:24.000 Damn, we've got to do a Sunday night show. 1.00

01:45:25.000 Like, what are you talking about? 0.99

01:45:26.000 Of course we do! 1.00

01:45:27.000 You get to go up and do what you- Go talk shit and make people have a great fucking time! 1.00

01:45:31.000 For what, an hour and a half of the day? 1.00

01:45:33.000 Two hours of the day?

01:45:35.000 That's it? 1.00

01:45:35.000 You got 22 hours to play golf or jerk off or whatever the fuck you want to do, you weirdo. 1.00

01:45:42.000 But that's the thing. 1.00

01:45:43.000 It's like we think of it as work sometimes, but really what it is is the greatest pastime.

01:45:48.000 It's the most fun thing to do, the most fun activity that happens to be a job.

01:45:52.000 For me, the work is the travel.

01:45:55.000 Getting on a bus, getting on a plane, having to check into hotels, you know, like everything that goes into the day with exception to the actual performing itself.

01:46:04.000 Or having to perform through, you know, when the check drops.

01:46:09.000 That's the only time I was like, okay, let's see how this goes.

01:46:11.000 Yeah.

01:46:12.000 So weathering that.

01:46:13.000 But other than that, there's no work.

01:46:15.000 We don't do check drops until after the show.

01:46:20.000 That's awesome.

01:46:20.000 Yeah, you have to do it that way.

01:46:21.000 We were doing it the other way at first.

01:46:23.000 I was like, this is terrible.

01:46:24.000 Because I was watching people when other people were on stage.

01:46:26.000 I was like, this is not good.

01:46:27.000 And then you hear the conversation.

01:46:28.000 Somebody wants to argue about the bill.

01:46:30.000 It's also they're talking loud because they're drunk and they don't realize they're talking loud.

01:46:33.000 So they're like, what's 20%?

01:46:35.000 Do you have any cash?

01:46:40.000 Yeah.

01:46:41.000 So it's way easier this way.

01:46:42.000 It's just way better for the comics.

01:46:44.000 It's just, you know, the overall experience.

01:46:46.000 It's all just about, let's try to make it, I know there's no food, but that's why.

01:46:50.000 To try to make it the best.

01:46:53.000 But I'll tell you, Rapolo's next door.

01:46:55.000 They got pizza.

01:46:56.000 I'm gonna go check out that sushi spot.

01:46:57.000 Yeah, the sushi spot is off the chain.

01:47:00.000 Let me know.

01:47:00.000 I'll hook that up.

01:47:01.000 You gotta go to that.

01:47:02.000 That's insane.

01:47:03.000 It's the best sushi you've ever had in your life.

01:47:05.000 And it's omakase, so just sit there and one piece explains to you.

01:47:08.000 They do it all.

01:47:09.000 They prepare it right in front of you.

01:47:11.000 Okay.

01:47:11.000 One piece at a time.

01:47:13.000 So it's like 14 pieces of sushi.

01:47:15.000 And they do it over the course of like an hour and a half.

01:47:18.000 You have sake pairings. 0.94

01:47:19.000 It's sensational.

01:47:22.000 That alone sells it.

01:47:23.000 Yeah, I go off my no-grain diet when I go there. 1.00

01:47:27.000 I say, fuck it. 1.00

01:47:29.000 Tonight we're eating rice. 1.00

01:47:32.000 Are you big on the different types of paper, like seaweed?

01:47:35.000 Yeah, I love it.

01:47:36.000 He made me this one thing.

01:47:37.000 I probably shouldn't tell it because he doesn't want to serve it all the time, but this is very expensive.

01:47:41.000 It was uni.

01:47:43.000 That's it.

01:47:44.000 That's it right there.

01:47:45.000 Scallops and uni.

01:47:46.000 So it's raw scallops and raw sea urchin with some rice in that nori paper. 0.98

01:47:52.000 And it's fucking sensational. 0.96

01:47:55.000 It's so good. 0.99

01:47:57.000 It's like the best piece of food you could literally eat.

01:48:01.000 It's insanity.

01:48:02.000 And, you know, it's like you don't realize how good people, like, someone can be at something until you see, like, a master chef prepare food.

01:48:10.000 And you're like, oh, there's a difference, even in sushi, which I would just think of, you know, ignorantly before I would think of it as just, oh, this is like fish.

01:48:17.000 Oh, just rice and roll it up in fish. 0.90

01:48:19.000 How hard can that be?

01:48:20.000 No, no, no.

01:48:21.000 It's the little delicate flavors they put on it and the way they prepare it.

01:48:25.000 They dry age some of the meat and they do all these different things.

01:48:28.000 It's like, oh!

01:48:31.000 I took Daniel Cormier.

01:48:32.000 It was his first time he's ever had sushi.

01:48:34.000 He was like 46 years old.

01:48:35.000 He's never had sushi.

01:48:36.000 You should have seen him when he was eating scallops, like raw scallops.

01:48:40.000 You can see the look of his face.

01:48:42.000 Was he vibing it or wasn't?

01:48:43.000 He was just kind of freaking out.

01:48:44.000 He liked some of it.

01:48:45.000 He did not like the raw scallops.

01:48:47.000 It's the texture.

01:48:48.000 It's a texture thing.

01:48:49.000 It's always a texture thing.

01:48:50.000 There's certain seafood that I'm down with, but then I can't do oysters.

01:48:55.000 You can't do raw oysters?

01:48:56.000 No.

01:48:57.000 I mean, if you said, okay, you know, just swallow it.

01:49:01.000 Don't even, like, whatever.

01:49:02.000 If I had to.

01:49:03.000 Some people like chewing it.

01:49:05.000 I heard about someone died recently.

01:49:07.000 They think they got a tainted oyster and died.

01:49:10.000 Google that.

01:49:10.000 I think it was a girl.

01:49:12.000 I think she ate...

01:49:14.000 What happened?

01:49:16.000 Yeah.

01:49:16.000 I think she ate some oyster that was tainted with something.

01:49:22.000 No?

01:49:23.000 Fentil.

01:49:25.000 No.

01:49:26.000 Yeah, they picked up.

01:49:27.000 This might be part of the problem.

01:49:28.000 It was in Missouri at a seafood stand.

01:49:32.000 Oh.

01:49:33.000 A seafood stand, like, outside?

01:49:36.000 Yeah.

01:49:37.000 That's a risky person. 1.00

01:49:39.000 That's a motherfucker that eats gas station sushi. 1.00

01:49:41.000 Yeah! 1.00

01:49:48.000 They just had them laying out there?

01:49:50.000 Oh, that's crazy.

01:49:51.000 Fruit and seafood stand, yeah.

01:49:52.000 That is crazy. 0.52

01:49:53.000 If you just leave oysters out there, eventually they'll kill you.

01:49:56.000 But this says there's no evidence the business did anything to contaminate them, so they're trying to determine where they came from.

01:50:01.000 Oh, so it might have been contaminated straight from the ocean.

01:50:04.000 They're probably contaminated when they arrived at the stand.

01:50:06.000 I do know that sometimes they get contaminated from the ocean.

01:50:09.000 My wife got sick once.

01:50:10.000 She got food poisoning from oysters.

01:50:12.000 Yeah, so I'm not about it.

01:50:15.000 I take my chances.

01:50:16.000 You take your chances.

01:50:17.000 I roll my chances on oysters.

01:50:21.000 I'll do sushi, I'll do caviar, lobsters, you know, shrimps, fish, salmon.

01:50:26.000 They say that oysters and scallops and clams are good for vegans because if you think about it, they're not really an animal, but they give you animal protein.

01:50:40.000 Scallops are more primitive than plants.

01:50:43.000 Like, they're really primitive things. 0.99

01:50:46.000 They don't have any, like, they're not feeling jack shit. 0.97

01:50:50.000 Like, you're... 0.99

01:50:51.000 No conscience there.

01:50:51.000 They're kind of like a plant.

01:50:53.000 But they're a plant that moves.

01:50:54.000 But they're not a plant.

01:50:55.000 They're a mollusk. 0.98

01:50:56.000 But they don't have a brain. 0.97

01:50:58.000 And there's, like, whatever that is, is just like some sort of meat with a shell.

01:51:03.000 So it's a green light.

01:51:04.000 It's a green light, I think.

01:51:06.000 I mean, as much as eggs are.

01:51:07.000 Eggs are a green light, too.

01:51:09.000 Because they just lay them.

01:51:10.000 If there's no rooster, there's no way that's gonna be a chick. 1.00

01:51:13.000 You're not hurting anybody.

01:51:14.000 Eat the eggs.

01:51:15.000 And you have a good relationship with the chickens.

01:51:17.000 Chickens eat the grass and food.

01:51:19.000 What is this?

01:51:20.000 I think that's what it is.

01:51:22.000 It says it's a scout.

01:51:22.000 That's how a scout flies around?

01:51:24.000 I don't know.

01:51:25.000 Whoa, is that real?

01:51:26.000 They swim?

01:51:27.000 It seems like that's not what's happening, but...

01:51:29.000 It is what's happening.

01:51:30.000 That's what's happening, I'm pretty sure.

01:51:31.000 But it is what's happening.

01:51:32.000 It swims like a...

01:51:33.000 That's crazy.

01:51:35.000 I didn't know they could do that.

01:51:36.000 It's so weird looking.

01:51:39.000 Yeah.

01:51:39.000 Plant, huh?

01:51:40.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:51:41.000 Well, whatever the fuck it is. 1.00

01:51:43.000 Whatever it is, it just moves. 1.00

01:51:46.000 It's obviously not a plant.

01:51:47.000 It's a mollusk, but it moves.

01:51:49.000 I mean, that's the thing that it does.

01:51:51.000 It moves.

01:51:53.000 There's a video I've seen of puffer fish, I think, eating them.

01:51:56.000 Have you ever seen that?

01:51:57.000 Oh, wow, that's wild.

01:51:58.000 They just chew on it.

01:51:58.000 It makes a loud crunch.

01:52:00.000 Yeah, because the shell's hard.

01:52:01.000 Yeah. 0.96

01:52:01.000 But freaking puffer fish. 0.96

01:52:02.000 But whatever they are, though, is not really an animal. 0.96

01:52:06.000 That's why, like, I've heard, like, a neuroscientist make this argument.

01:52:09.000 Like, it's really, like, probably the most ethical thing that you can eat.

01:52:13.000 As long as there's, like, sustainable numbers of them.

01:52:15.000 Because it's like, they don't even know you're eating them.

01:52:18.000 There's nothing going on there.

01:52:20.000 It's just a piece of meat covered by a shell.

01:52:22.000 Right.

01:52:23.000 It's weird.

01:52:23.000 How many vegans do you know?

01:52:25.000 I know quite a few.

01:52:26.000 How about you?

01:52:33.000 You know what?

01:52:34.000 I know of them.

01:52:35.000 I respect people's choices and I think that one is a complicated one and it's a convenient one too.

01:52:44.000 The convenient one is not taking into account all the animal deaths involved in large-scale agriculture, which is where you get most of your vegetables, because there's a lot of animal death involved in that.

01:52:54.000 A lot.

01:52:55.000 There's also poisoning.

01:52:56.000 There's a lot of poisoning of the land with pesticides and herbicides. 0.98

01:53:00.000 There's a lot of shit that goes on to these monocrop agriculture establishments, which is where you get a lot of your vegetables from. 0.98

01:53:08.000 And it's not good. 0.99

01:53:09.000 And it's not good for the environment.

01:53:11.000 It's not good for the animals.

01:53:12.000 It's definitely not good for any animal that lives in that field. 0.99

01:53:14.000 They're getting fucked up. 0.97

01:53:15.000 How many animals get churned up in combines? 1.00

01:53:18.000 Yes.

01:53:18.000 How many birds and gophers and groundhogs they kill?

01:53:22.000 It's just...

01:53:22.000 In order, yeah, to maintain the crops.

01:53:24.000 Yeah, it's...

01:53:25.000 I mean...

01:53:26.000 Ted Nugent has broken it down.

01:53:28.000 And he actually knows the statistics and what is actually involved in it. 0.72

01:53:32.000 But when I talk to people that run these regenerative farms, when they describe industrial farms and all the shit that they have to do and how all that gets into the rivers and it poisons the rivers, it's wild stuff, man. 0.57

01:53:43.000 And that's... 0.96

01:53:44.000 That's vegetables.

01:53:45.000 They're growing things.

01:53:47.000 On topsoil, it's dead. 0.92

01:53:48.000 So they have to constantly pour all these fertilizers and nitrogen and all this shit all over the ground because there's no nutrients left in the topsoil. 0.95

01:53:58.000 They have to do all this. 0.97

01:53:59.000 It's real complicated, man.

01:54:01.000 And the water that runs into the rivers, it's so disgusting.

01:54:04.000 There's this guy, Will Harris.

01:54:07.000 From white oak pastures.

01:54:08.000 And he has a regenerative farm and he's right next to a farm that's an industrial farm.

01:54:13.000 And there's like a clear line between the runoff on his side where the water's clear and then the runoff on his neighbor's side where immediately you can see that it becomes mud.

01:54:23.000 See the line?

01:54:24.000 Look at the line.

01:54:26.000 That's the line.

01:54:27.000 That's the property line.

01:54:28.000 On the right-hand side, it's just horrible.

01:54:30.000 On the left-hand side, it looks like a river. 0.99

01:54:33.000 And that's the dividing line between their two farms, which is fucking insane. 0.94

01:54:38.000 It's insane that that's legal and that that's normal, that runoff. 0.96

01:54:43.000 It's like unintended pollution.

01:54:45.000 What are we gonna do?

01:54:46.000 It's on the topsoil, and the topsoil's all dead, so all the stuff that they pour on it just runs off when it rains into the river.

01:54:54.000 Yeah.

01:54:55.000 So, there's that.

01:54:57.000 And then there's this new evidence that plants can think and plants communicate and plants share information and that through mycelium, through the actual, like, the fungus that's in the soil, they're exchanging information and even resources.

01:55:11.000 That there's certain intelligence in it, yeah.

01:55:13.000 Yeah, there's something there.

01:55:14.000 They're screaming when you eat them, Gabriel.

01:55:16.000 Oh, God, no.

01:55:19.000 Pluck lettuce out of the ground and screams. 0.53

01:55:21.000 I want to say it was like a modern version of the Twilight Zone.

01:55:26.000 There was an episode where this guy was trying to lose weight and he was going to eat vegetables out of his fridge and every vegetable would make a sound like that.

01:55:35.000 Oh boy.

01:55:36.000 So he's trying to eat but he can't eat anything and he's starving and at the end everything just kind of rotted and they found the guy dead.

01:55:44.000 It was creepy but yeah.

01:55:47.000 Did you ever see the one?

01:55:48.000 There's an old Twilight Zone where these aliens come down and they introduce themselves to Earth and they give us a book and the book is to serve man.

01:55:59.000 They find this book that they have and then they realize it's a cookbook.

01:56:03.000 Oh.

01:56:05.000 At the end of the movie.

01:56:06.000 That's like the punchline.

01:56:07.000 The aliens have come down here to eat us.

01:56:11.000 So what?

01:56:12.000 Yeah.

01:56:12.000 Oh man.

01:56:15.000 See, this guy's in front of all the- give me some of the volume.

01:56:19.000 We are here to help you.

01:56:21.000 Are we to assume that there is no ulterior motive?

01:56:25.000 Well, there is nothing ulterior in our motives.

01:56:28.000 Nothing at all.

01:56:30.000 You will discover this for yourselves before too long simply by testing the various devices which we will make available to you.

01:56:39.000 We ask only that you trust us.

01:56:42.000 Only that you simply trust us.

01:56:47.000 Perhaps you watched this initial questioning.

01:56:49.000 Most people on Earth did.

01:56:51.000 And surely some of the questions asked by your representatives must have been identical to more than a few of your own.

01:56:57.000 Because as a race, we are unaccustomed to charity.

01:57:01.000 Brutality is a far more universal language to us than an expression of friendship from outer space.

01:57:07.000 They were nine feet tall enigmas who descended on us like locusts. 1.00

01:57:20.000 It seems like what's happening now.

01:57:23.000 Yeah, it's exactly what's happening now.

01:57:26.000 So at the end of it, they translate the book and they realize what it actually says.

01:57:32.000 We're gonna make sushi out of TED. This could have been cut off.

01:57:37.000 It's only a six minute video.

01:57:38.000 It might not have been the whole episode.

01:57:39.000 How long is it?

01:57:41.000 Six minutes.

01:57:42.000 No, that's definitely not the whole.

01:57:48.000 I think it's before that he realizes it.

01:58:07.000 Oh my god. 0.98

01:58:08.000 Yeah, that would suck. 0.99

01:58:11.000 It would suck. 0.99

01:58:14.000 Especially, like, we can sort of justify killing dumb things, you know? 0.99

01:58:19.000 You know, but... 0.93

01:58:20.000 Dogs are pretty smart.

01:58:21.000 There's people out there that are eating dogs.

01:58:23.000 Yeah. 0.96

01:58:24.000 Dogs are pretty goddamn smart to be eating them. 0.85

01:58:27.000 There's a lot of animals that have, you know, I feel they're very... 0.99

01:58:31.000 Pigs! 1.00

01:58:32.000 Pigs are freaking smart. 1.00

01:58:33.000 You can train a pig to do almost anything that you can train a dog to do. 0.94

01:58:36.000 Just think about what people do to dolphins.

01:58:38.000 Ugh.

01:58:39.000 Just think of that. 1.00

01:58:40.000 They're fucked up. 1.00

01:58:41.000 I mean, they're really smart. 1.00

01:58:43.000 Now imagine some alien that's just like, what if humans are delicious? 0.88

01:58:47.000 What if, like, in all the cosmos, they're, like, the favorite food?

01:58:51.000 Yeah, or like a buffet.

01:58:53.000 Yeah.

01:58:53.000 And maybe you get intelligence from them.

01:58:55.000 Maybe when you eat people, you get a little bit of their DNA. We're like their, uh, what is it called?

01:59:01.000 Their limitless pill.

01:59:02.000 Like, oh, man, every time you eat one of them, oh, it's like euphoric.

01:59:05.000 Maybe we're like their mushroom.

01:59:07.000 Right.

01:59:07.000 Like, we get them high.

01:59:09.000 Yeah, they have a trip.

01:59:10.000 Yeah, wasn't that like dolphins use puffer fish to get high?

01:59:12.000 That's hilarious.

01:59:13.000 So they'd suck it in toxins. 0.99

01:59:15.000 How would they figure that out? 0.99

01:59:20.000 Yeah.

01:59:21.000 So, Joe, how long before do you think they confirmed that we got, you know, that aliens are real?

01:59:29.000 Every week, man, I keep watching these stories and I'm like, ugh.

01:59:32.000 I was just in Las Vegas last week, too.

01:59:33.000 I was looking for those eight feet aliens that the guy was talking about.

01:59:36.000 Bad ones.

01:59:37.000 That one's sus. 1.00

01:59:39.000 We were talking about that earlier.

01:59:40.000 It's like, ah, come on.

01:59:41.000 Come on.

01:59:42.000 Yeah, that George Knapp guy, who's probably the lead investigative reporter when it comes to the UFO phenomenon.

01:59:48.000 He's the guy that discovered Bob Lazar.

01:59:52.000 He went to try to talk to those people, and they were kind of avoiding him.

01:59:57.000 They didn't answer the door.

01:59:59.000 But it could be that they just don't want the attention.

02:00:02.000 Like maybe they freaked out.

02:00:04.000 Maybe they had no idea it was gonna go viral like that.

02:00:06.000 Maybe it really happened.

02:00:07.000 Look, imagine if it really happened.

02:00:10.000 Imagine you're just chillin' in your backyard, and you hear boom!

02:00:13.000 And you're like, what? 0.99

02:00:14.000 And you go outside, and you see a fucking UFO and a 10-foot alien. 0.99

02:00:19.000 And you stand there, and you're staring at them, and then they get back in the craft and take off. 0.99

02:00:23.000 And you're like, what the fuck just happened? 0.98

02:00:26.000 And then no one's gonna believe you. 1.00

02:00:28.000 So you tell people, but you feel so stupid. 1.00

02:00:30.000 They're like, yeah, they were in my backyard, they were like 10 feet tall and they had big eyes, and everyone's like, look at this moron. 1.00

02:00:35.000 Come on, man. 1.00

02:00:36.000 Get the fuck out of here. 0.97

02:00:37.000 But maybe it really did happen. 0.98

02:00:38.000 And maybe you realize, like, what am I going to do?

02:00:40.000 Have people just keep telling me I'm a liar? 1.00

02:00:42.000 Or just shut the fuck up? 1.00

02:00:44.000 Maybe I'll just shut the fuck up. 1.00

02:00:45.000 Maybe I would shut the fuck up. 1.00

02:00:47.000 Maybe if it happened in my yard, maybe if they landed in my yard, I would just know for sure they're real, but keep it to myself. 1.00

02:00:55.000 I don't want people thinking I'm out of my fucking mind. 0.96

02:00:58.000 If something like that happened, you look for, can you prove this? 1.00

02:01:02.000 Can you tell this story without looking like a total lunatic? 0.95

02:01:05.000 Right. 0.96

02:01:06.000 This thing landed.

02:01:07.000 Alright, so there's a ring.

02:01:08.000 Okay, there's the burn marks from the jets or whatever.

02:01:10.000 There's footprints.

02:01:11.000 There's certain elements.

02:01:12.000 But everybody's so quick on the draw, like if something happens...

02:01:15.000 You know, a fight breaks up.

02:01:16.000 World starts in two seconds.

02:01:18.000 People are gunslingers with their cameras. 0.99

02:01:19.000 Right, why wouldn't you be a gunslinger when there's a fucking UFO in front of you? 0.99

02:01:23.000 That'd be the first... 0.99

02:01:23.000 I know. 0.99

02:01:25.000 Instantly.

02:01:25.000 Like, what is that?

02:01:26.000 That'd be the first thing.

02:01:27.000 You're going out in the backyard, and you're not going to...

02:01:30.000 There's no reason why there shouldn't be more footage, more clean footage, because it's always grainy.

02:01:35.000 It's always messed up.

02:01:36.000 It's a shadow.

02:01:36.000 It's a bush.

02:01:37.000 You know, so I'm like...

02:01:39.000 Here's my problem with it.

02:01:40.000 My problem is that I want it to be real.

02:01:43.000 And I know a lot of people want it to be real.

02:01:45.000 And I also know it's an amazing distraction.

02:01:48.000 It's an amazing distraction for a bunch of ways.

02:01:51.000 Let's imagine that what we're actually looking at is some United States military vehicle.

02:01:58.000 That they have developed secretly.

02:02:01.000 That operates on some different kind of propulsion system.

02:02:05.000 Some sort of gravity drive or something.

02:02:06.000 And maybe it's a drone.

02:02:08.000 And they can shoot these things across the sky at insane rates of speed.

02:02:11.000 But they don't want to admit they have the technology.

02:02:13.000 What better way than to say that we're being visited?

02:02:16.000 What better way?

02:02:17.000 Like if you really were going to hide technology.

02:02:19.000 If you had bases under the sea.

02:02:21.000 Where you had hypersonic drones just shot through the sky.

02:02:25.000 And you couldn't even follow them with your eye.

02:02:27.000 If you had those...

02:02:29.000 What a better way to hide it than to say...

02:02:32.000 Smoke and mirrors over here.

02:02:34.000 Yeah, and then have a few whistleblowers come out and have these guys, well, I can tell you definitively that we have recovered 12 crashed UFOs.

02:02:42.000 I know it sounds crazy.

02:02:43.000 That kind of stuff makes me wonder.

02:02:46.000 That's how I would do it.

02:02:47.000 If I wanted to dupe people into thinking that these things that maybe they occasionally see that we operate, That they're not ours because we don't have that kind of capability.

02:02:56.000 If I was going to lie about our capability, which maybe you should and maybe they've done before with like the stealth bomber, remember? 0.99

02:03:04.000 They fucking developed that bitch. 1.00

02:03:05.000 People thought they were seeing UFOs and saw that thing fly around. 1.00

02:03:08.000 You ever seen one of those in real life?

02:03:09.000 Yeah.

02:03:10.000 Woo! 0.99

02:03:10.000 Pretty cool. 0.99

02:03:11.000 Pretty fucking cool. 0.92

02:03:12.000 I would say that they're UFOs. 0.97

02:03:14.000 That's what I would say.

02:03:16.000 They don't tell the truth about anything, right?

02:03:19.000 They never tell you about top secret stuff that you really don't have.

02:03:24.000 What are you going to do with the information that UFOs are real?

02:03:27.000 What is the general public going to do with it? 0.99

02:03:29.000 Jack shit. 0.99

02:03:30.000 They're not going to do anything. 1.00

02:03:31.000 So if they had it, why would they tell us?

02:03:33.000 If they really had irrefutable evidence that this something is an off-world vehicle, it comes from another dimension, it comes from another planet, why would they tell us?

02:03:43.000 They would only tell us if they have to tell us.

02:03:46.000 They would tell us the stuff that they have is actually from another planet because they don't want people to know what they can do yet.

02:03:52.000 That's what I would do.

02:03:54.000 I mean, if I had a history of deception, I would be deceiving people about that.

02:03:58.000 Or it could be really aliens.

02:04:00.000 And that's the problem.

02:04:02.000 And I don't...

02:04:03.000 I know me and I want it to be aliens real bad.

02:04:10.000 Real bad.

02:04:11.000 So I will not be objective when I look at that subject.

02:04:15.000 I am always going to be hopeful.

02:04:17.000 I'm always going to be having fun with it.

02:04:20.000 I'm always going to be thinking that it's probably real.

02:04:23.000 I believe the pilots.

02:04:24.000 I think the math says it all.

02:04:27.000 I mean, the universe is so massive.

02:04:29.000 I mean, it's so massive.

02:04:31.000 How can we be the only ones?

02:04:33.000 We may not be.

02:04:35.000 We might be visited, and it might be a combination of both of those things.

02:04:39.000 It might be some of those things are our drones, and it might be some of the things are not ours, and maybe some of the things are from other countries as well.

02:04:47.000 And maybe some of those things are from another planet or maybe from some life form that we haven't established that has bases in the ocean.

02:04:54.000 Because there's a lot of these, at least one of them they got on video that is A craft that was flying in the air and then went into the ocean.

02:05:03.000 It didn't even make a splash.

02:05:04.000 Just went right in the ocean.

02:05:06.000 Like a diver.

02:05:06.000 Yeah.

02:05:07.000 Like, what is that? 1.00

02:05:08.000 Is that bullshit? 1.00

02:05:09.000 I don't know. 1.00

02:05:10.000 It's kind of blurry.

02:05:11.000 Like, I wish it was clean, but it was miles away and they're, you know, using infrared footage at night or whatever their night vision at night.

02:05:19.000 Who knows? 0.98

02:05:19.000 Who fucking knows? 0.98

02:05:20.000 The problem is I want it to be aliens. 1.00

02:05:22.000 That's the problem.

02:05:23.000 So I'm like, bro, there's so much evidence now.

02:05:25.000 And even talk to people like Michio Kaku, who's this physicist, this brilliant guy, and he's saying that there's more evidence that they exist than that.

02:05:34.000 Now it's up to the people that don't think they exist to try to prove it wrong because there's so much visual evidence, tracking evidence, tracking data.

02:05:42.000 But I'm always like, what if they've been working on some stuff?

02:05:46.000 What if they were just scooping up top scientists and fucking, they've got some sort of plan for some different propulsion system and it's operable. 0.90

02:05:53.000 And they've been working on it for decades, in secret. 0.94

02:05:57.000 What if that's the case?

02:05:58.000 That seems like it could be the case.

02:06:01.000 But if the technology is that advanced, then where did you get it?

02:06:04.000 Well, like, I get, you know, you're smart enough to come up with certain things, but, you know.

02:06:08.000 People did research on gravity drives, and there's papers that were written on the possibility of manipulating gravity.

02:06:16.000 I just don't think there was ever a power source that was figured out.

02:06:20.000 I don't think, like, you'd have to generate some fucking insane amount of power to be able to manipulate gravity.

02:06:26.000 But I think they theorized it a long time ago.

02:06:29.000 So if you just threw all the best scientists and all the money that you could possibly fucking steal from the taxpayers and you funneled it off into this program that's making a UFO, maybe they could do it.

02:06:42.000 I don't know.

02:06:43.000 I mean, I'm not in that world, you know?

02:06:46.000 You know, that's like if someone said to you, imagine there's a guy out there.

02:06:51.000 Nobody's ever heard of him.

02:06:52.000 He's never done stand-up before, but he's been practicing, and he writes comedy every day, and he practices in front of the mirror, and one day he's gonna go on stage, he's gonna be the best comic that's ever lived.

02:07:03.000 He'd be like, no, that's not possible.

02:07:06.000 He's not gonna be able to just go on stage the first time and be the best comic that's ever lived.

02:07:09.000 It's literally not possible.

02:07:11.000 So maybe the things that I'm saying about physics and these physicists developing this gravity drive without anybody knowing, maybe that's not possible, because maybe that's not my world, you know?

02:07:21.000 But you're looking at it through the eyes of a comic who understands timing and you have to, you know, trial and error.

02:07:29.000 Right.

02:07:30.000 And they would look at physics that way.

02:07:31.000 They would understand what they're, you know, they would say, no, no, you can't just, you can't violate the laws of physics with a select group of people that stay quiet and don't tell people about it and come up with some insane new method of propulsion.

02:07:45.000 These things, they've tracked them.

02:07:46.000 They go from 50,000 feet above sea level to 50 feet in like a second.

02:07:50.000 They have no idea how it's doing it.

02:07:53.000 No heat signature.

02:07:55.000 The things are blocking their tracking devices, like whatever radar systems they're using, which is technically supposedly an act of war. 0.99

02:08:06.000 Like, it's wild shit, man. 0.98

02:08:08.000 And they don't know what it is. 1.00

02:08:09.000 And they think it was interacting with some base in the water.

02:08:11.000 And the guy who saw it was on the podcast, Commander David Fravor.

02:08:14.000 And it's a crazy story.

02:08:16.000 Because he was with another fighter jet.

02:08:19.000 They all saw it.

02:08:20.000 Multiple people saw it.

02:08:21.000 They filmed it.

02:08:22.000 They have all the tracking data that shows this insane rate of speed that it went at. 0.98

02:08:26.000 They don't know what the fuck that is. 0.99

02:08:28.000 Man. 0.98

02:08:29.000 You know, and also when you say the laws of physics, maybe the laws of physics don't apply to wherever that technology came from.

02:08:36.000 Right.

02:08:37.000 It's very different.

02:08:37.000 Or also, maybe we just don't understand all the laws of physics.

02:08:42.000 Maybe it's malleable.

02:08:42.000 And that's like this idea of a gravity drive.

02:08:45.000 Right.

02:08:45.000 That maybe you can, instead of traveling through space, you can literally fold space to you.

02:08:51.000 And then, and then instantaneously appear.

02:08:55.000 Like a portal.

02:08:55.000 Yeah.

02:08:56.000 Like some sort of, like they described it in the movie Event Horizon.

02:09:00.000 That you would essentially, a piece of paper, you would fold the two pieces of time together and punch a hole through both of them and wind up on the other side when it flattens out.

02:09:09.000 Okay.

02:09:10.000 That's deep.

02:09:10.000 Okay.

02:09:11.000 Maybe.

02:09:13.000 Maybe.

02:09:14.000 Alright, what's in the Tupperware?

02:09:16.000 Now you're ready to meet the devil.

02:09:18.000 I think maybe if aliens are real, I think we'd be interesting.

02:09:22.000 I certainly think they'd come here.

02:09:24.000 And maybe they've always been coming here.

02:09:26.000 I really don't know.

02:09:27.000 I don't know, but I want it.

02:09:28.000 I want it to be real.

02:09:29.000 And that's my problem.

02:09:30.000 My problem is I'm a true believer.

02:09:32.000 So I want it to be real.

02:09:33.000 So I always have to go, I don't know.

02:09:35.000 But I try to do that with everything.

02:09:37.000 I try to do that with everything.

02:09:39.000 I'm like, man, I don't know.

02:09:40.000 Something smells funny. 0.98

02:09:42.000 I don't want to be that guy who's calling bullshit when it's not bullshit. 0.93

02:09:44.000 So I have to be careful. 0.89

02:09:46.000 I'm going to really look at it and just let it operate for a while.

02:09:50.000 Watch it behave.

02:09:53.000 And so the more I watch this UFO thing operate, the more I get skeptical.

02:09:58.000 I'm like, it just seems too, like, a psy-op. 0.97

02:10:03.000 It seems too, too much of it just seems, like, fucking fabricated. 0.97

02:10:10.000 You know? 0.94

02:10:11.000 Like, even the stories about finding them in an archaeological dig and...

02:10:16.000 Are you sure?

02:10:17.000 Are you sure that's what happened?

02:10:19.000 You know, is this the narrative they're telling you?

02:10:21.000 Why would they tell the truth?

02:10:23.000 Why would they tell the truth? 0.94

02:10:24.000 If they had some fucking crazy object they've been working on, and maybe the scientist that really knew how to work it was dead, and so now you got new guys you're bringing in to try to, like, back-engineer his work. 0.96

02:10:35.000 But maybe that's what they do. 0.98

02:10:37.000 Like, who fucking knows, man? 0.98

02:10:39.000 Who knows? 0.98

02:10:40.000 But I know the UFO story's the most fun.

02:10:42.000 The alien story's the most fun.

02:10:45.000 That's the one I'm most interested in.

02:10:48.000 Yeah, every night, man.

02:10:49.000 It's like, okay.

02:10:50.000 Have you seen Moment of Contact?

02:10:51.000 No.

02:10:52.000 Ooh, you need to watch that.

02:10:53.000 Moment of Contact.

02:10:54.000 Yeah.

02:10:55.000 It's a documentary about a UFO crash in Brazil, in Varginha, Brazil, in 1996. And the whole town saw it.

02:11:03.000 All these witnesses in the town saw the things, saw the things in the sky.

02:11:07.000 And one of them, it was a lightning storm, like a terrible lightning storm.

02:11:10.000 And one of them crashed.

02:11:12.000 And these people...

02:11:14.000 Found whatever the thing was and two bodies and one of them was alive and They picked the one that was injured and they took it in a car to several different hospitals It's all documented that they take this body and the guy who is carrying the body Died of a serious bacterial infection that they could not cure they didn't know what the fuck it was young healthy guy the guy Handling the alien body got he died within like two weeks. 0.74

02:11:40.000 They didn't know what the fuck there's all this Documentation on the disease, the progression of the disease, how they couldn't stop it.

02:11:46.000 They didn't know what it was. 0.96

02:11:47.000 Some crazy bacterial infection that he got.

02:11:50.000 And they think he got it from that alien.

02:11:52.000 Is that true?

02:11:53.000 I don't know.

02:11:54.000 I wasn't there. 0.98

02:11:55.000 But goddamn, I want it to be true. 0.99

02:11:57.000 Now, this is a documentary? 0.99

02:11:58.000 Yeah, it's a great documentary.

02:11:59.000 It's on Netflix.

02:12:00.000 Or it's on Apple.

02:12:01.000 I think it's on everything.

02:12:03.000 Is it on everything?

02:12:05.000 Moment of contact.

02:12:06.000 It's definitely, I think it's on Apple TV. It's fucking great. 0.99

02:12:10.000 What kind of footage did they have? 0.98

02:12:11.000 Well, they don't have any footage.

02:12:12.000 That's the problem.

02:12:14.000 They have eyewitness accounts.

02:12:17.000 They know that the US Air Force landed one of their large cargo jets in Brazil, in Virginia, and supposedly left with the wreckage.

02:12:28.000 But they know that they came in.

02:12:29.000 They were called in.

02:12:31.000 It's definitely on Amazon to rent or buy.

02:12:34.000 It's on iTunes also.

02:12:36.000 It's a few places.

02:12:36.000 I think I found one where you can find it for free.

02:12:39.000 What's crazy is they bring this cop back to the spot where the crash was, where they first saw the crash, and the guy hadn't been there in forever.

02:12:46.000 And the dude just starts crying.

02:12:48.000 He just starts weeping. 0.99

02:12:49.000 And I'm like, if this guy is an actor, he needs a fucking Academy Award. 0.97

02:12:57.000 This moment where he's overwhelmed, where he's talking about the experience of seeing this thing there and knowing that it's from somewhere else. 0.98

02:13:04.000 And seeing these things, these little tiny things with big eyes, staring at him.

02:13:09.000 And these girls, these three girls that were like very young at the time, they were sisters and they were playing outside and they saw this thing.

02:13:16.000 And they said the thing was like trying to communicate with them, telling them to help it.

02:13:21.000 And they were freaked out.

02:13:22.000 They all had the exact same story.

02:13:23.000 Everybody who saw them said the exact same thing, what they looked like, like these weird things with tiny things with big eyes.

02:13:29.000 I don't know if it's true, man, but I want it to be true.

02:13:31.000 That's the problem.

02:13:32.000 I want it all to be true.

02:13:33.000 That guy's passion, though, the way he tells the story, you could tell either, like you said, he's either a great actor or he's reliving it.

02:13:42.000 Maybe it's a mass psychosis.

02:13:45.000 Maybe they're all on mushrooms.

02:13:46.000 Maybe. 0.99

02:13:47.000 Or maybe he's telling the truth, which would be fucking insane.

02:13:51.000 And if there really are things that can visit us, and the question would always be, like, would they...

02:13:59.000 How their vehicles would crash?

02:14:01.000 Wouldn't they be past crashing now?

02:14:03.000 Wouldn't they be beyond that in technology?

02:14:06.000 Not necessarily, because here's the thing.

02:14:09.000 If you think about where the technological level that human beings are at right now, like in a first world country, and then you go to the Amazon and you have the indigenous hunter-gatherer tribes who still live the old way, they're there too at the same time in 2023. So just because there's aliens out there doesn't mean they're all the same level of advancement.

02:14:30.000 There might be an alien out there that's a thousand years ahead of us, just a thousand.

02:14:34.000 And every now and then they get hit by lightning.

02:14:35.000 Just like everybody does.

02:14:37.000 You can't predict it. 0.99

02:14:38.000 And they make their way through and they might have landed, they might have ported back to wherever the fuck the lightning storm was and didn't understand it was going to happen and got fucked up and crash landed in a backyard in Brazil. 0.99

02:14:51.000 Might have happened. 0.77

02:14:52.000 What always gets me is that the technology on, like, spacecraft never matches the body.

02:14:57.000 Like, it's always something that's, like, all these different, like, right now there's that video that they're showing something in the backyard that's hiding.

02:15:07.000 And this thing looks, it almost looks ape-like.

02:15:10.000 Like, so there's nothing that, you know, it's not worth anything.

02:15:14.000 I don't know about that video.

02:15:14.000 What is this video?

02:15:15.000 You know what I'm talking about, right?

02:15:17.000 I know what you're talking about. 1.00

02:15:18.000 It's fake as fuck, right? 0.99

02:15:19.000 They were saying it was the UFO from the Vegas thing. 1.00

02:15:22.000 They were saying it's the Vegas thing.

02:15:22.000 They just took the 911 audio and put it over top of another video.

02:15:28.000 You never see the body or whatever match whatever the technology is as far as the craft.

02:15:34.000 Well, the most compelling story does, and that's the Bob Lazar story.

02:15:38.000 And Bob Lazar is a guy who is a propulsions expert.

02:15:41.000 He says he was hired to work in Vegas, back engineering in Nevada, in the desert area, S4. Where they were back engineering an alien craft.

02:15:52.000 And he said it was designed for tiny things, like something that was like three feet tall.

02:15:56.000 You had a crouch inside of it.

02:15:58.000 And he said everything was impossibly smooth.

02:16:00.000 Like it was like melted wax.

02:16:02.000 Like there was no seams.

02:16:03.000 The way it was constructed, whatever the metal was, was some...

02:16:07.000 It looked like it was one piece.

02:16:08.000 Yes.

02:16:09.000 And it was some metal.

02:16:10.000 They just do not understand it.

02:16:12.000 And they had a reactor.

02:16:14.000 And this reactor...

02:16:15.000 Created some sort of an anti-gravity wave that allowed this thing to move.

02:16:20.000 And this reactor was based on an element that wasn't on the periodic table yet, element 115. And these people, these beings, supposedly have a stable version of this element.

02:16:30.000 And in this reactor, it allows them to violate all of our understanding of propulsion systems and use some sort of gravity-based propulsion.

02:16:41.000 I want to believe it.

02:16:42.000 That's the problem.

02:16:43.000 Sounds awesome.

02:16:44.000 I want to believe all of it.

02:16:46.000 I don't even want to question it for a second.

02:16:47.000 I don't want to believe there's any lies. 1.00

02:16:50.000 Oh yeah, that looks fake as fuck. 0.99

02:16:53.000 I still know where it's from. 0.99

02:16:55.000 It's gotta be from somewhere.

02:16:56.000 What is that?

02:16:58.000 That looks so weird, dude.

02:16:59.000 Like a monkey, right?

02:17:00.000 Yeah, that looks like some sort of a Bigfoot thing.

02:17:02.000 It said it's eight feet tall.

02:17:04.000 Bigfoot from space, bro.

02:17:05.000 Maybe that's it.

02:17:07.000 Yeah, so what is it?

02:17:08.000 Are they small little Martians, or are they big, giant, you know, avatar-looking things?

02:17:13.000 Supposedly, there's two different kinds.

02:17:16.000 What do they call them?

02:17:17.000 The grays, the greens, the...

02:17:18.000 Yeah, they call them the grays and the tall whites.

02:17:21.000 And the tall whites almost look Scandinavian.

02:17:23.000 They have, like, white hair, and their ears are, like, flat against their head, and their eyes are, like, twice as large as ours.

02:17:31.000 But why am I saying that? 0.99

02:17:32.000 I don't know what the fuck I'm saying. 0.97

02:17:34.000 Somebody said it, so I repeated it. 0.99

02:17:36.000 You know, the problem is then you start looking for that.

02:17:39.000 So say if you're tripping on mushrooms, you might manifest like a gray talking to you because you know, like from close encounters of the third kind, you expect that's what the alien's going to look like. 0.94

02:17:48.000 So maybe it shows itself to you in that form because that's how you can handle it.

02:17:53.000 What do you call it?

02:17:54.000 What's the other one?

02:17:54.000 The shapeshifters?

02:17:56.000 Mm-hmm.

02:17:57.000 And then there's the men in black, right? 1.00

02:17:59.000 They come visit and fucking erase your brain. 1.00

02:18:04.000 What are you doing? 1.00

02:18:05.000 I was waiting.

02:18:07.000 I was like, he's going to pull something cool up right now.

02:18:10.000 The way you leaned back, I thought you were going to bring up something.

02:18:12.000 I was like, here it comes.

02:18:13.000 I think we were both like...

02:18:18.000 I hope aliens are real.

02:18:20.000 I really do.

02:18:21.000 And I hope that—the fairy tale is that they're going to protect us from blowing ourselves up.

02:18:26.000 That's the fairy tale.

02:18:28.000 That would be the best case scenario.

02:18:29.000 That what they're doing here is that they're here to monitor our nuclear power and our nuclear weapons and make sure we don't launch them at each other.

02:18:38.000 Because that's when they first start showing up.

02:18:41.000 All the stories about UFOs really kicked in after Hiroshima and Nagasaki.

02:18:47.000 That's when it was like UFOs were hovering over the White House.

02:18:51.000 You ever see those pictures?

02:18:53.000 No.

02:18:54.000 Yeah, there's like an ancient photo of UFOs over the White House.

02:18:57.000 You can see like a few flying saucers that they photographed in the sky flying over the White House.

02:19:03.000 Of course it's grainy, but it's like 1952?

02:19:08.000 Is it 2?

02:19:10.000 51?

02:19:10.000 52?

02:19:11.000 That story is, but there is a video from not too long ago where people think that was happening again.

02:19:17.000 Do you have the photos from the old one though, the original one?

02:19:20.000 When is this one from?

02:19:22.000 That's totally fake.

02:19:23.000 So what is that?

02:19:24.000 2011. That's from 2011?

02:19:25.000 On some video that I think was on C-SPAN or something.

02:19:27.000 Something was going on back there.

02:19:28.000 It could be spotlights.

02:19:30.000 We have to see the video.

02:19:32.000 Are they saying it was UFOs?

02:19:34.000 I just, UFO response, or White House response to UFO requests.

02:19:39.000 I don't remember that from 2011, do you?

02:19:42.000 Sort of.

02:19:44.000 What does it say?

02:19:45.000 I've seen a few videos where people are watching these long, you know, big B-roll footage of, like, skylines, and people are like, look at that fly by this building.

02:19:53.000 And this is from NBC? MSNBC? Probably not going to play it, so let me find another one.

02:19:59.000 Hold on.

02:20:00.000 Hmm.

02:20:01.000 Sorry.

02:20:02.000 That's okay.

02:20:03.000 Yeah.

02:20:03.000 But then also, too, how would they know to fly over that?

02:20:06.000 That's the photo from the 1952s?

02:20:09.000 That's fake, obviously.

02:20:10.000 That's a draw.

02:20:10.000 I know, but how...

02:20:11.000 What is that in the left-hand corner?

02:20:13.000 Not that.

02:20:15.000 No, I don't know that they would have had a photo of this.

02:20:16.000 The story was in the paper, for sure.

02:20:18.000 Oh, so maybe they didn't have any photos.

02:20:22.000 Yeah, someone would have been taking a picture at night in front of the White House, and I don't think they could do that.

02:20:27.000 Yeah, you're probably right.

02:20:28.000 Yeah, it's probably everything.

02:20:30.000 It's so hard today with all these fake images and CGI. Man, you could do anything.

02:20:34.000 AI is scary.

02:20:36.000 I'm in Reddit here.

02:20:37.000 This is deep Reddit, so this isn't the best place to take...

02:20:41.000 Okay.

02:20:43.000 So that's the photo, supposedly.

02:20:46.000 1952. Oh, there it is.

02:20:48.000 Huh.

02:20:48.000 But that looks like reflection, and that could be a lot of things.

02:20:52.000 Yeah, it could be a lot of things.

02:20:53.000 It could be birds.

02:20:54.000 But it looks big.

02:20:58.000 Alright?

02:20:58.000 They look kind of big.

02:20:59.000 They look like cars in the sky.

02:21:01.000 Bigger than cars.

02:21:03.000 Don't they?

02:21:04.000 I mean, they're behind the tower, right?

02:21:06.000 Don't know where the person was taking the photo.

02:21:08.000 Yeah, also, how do I know that's real?

02:21:10.000 Is that verified?

02:21:11.000 Yeah, it could be dust in the print when they were making it, even. 0.99

02:21:14.000 People fuck with pictures so much, man. 0.55

02:21:17.000 Look, there's a little scratch up in the corner up there. 0.99

02:21:19.000 What is that?

02:21:20.000 Above your cursor.

02:21:21.000 I know, I know.

02:21:21.000 Look at that.

02:21:22.000 That's another UFO. That's a guy.

02:21:24.000 It's a sky fish.

02:21:25.000 Yeah, it's Aquaman.

02:21:27.000 Guy spilled coffee enough on the negative.

02:21:28.000 I want it to be real.

02:21:30.000 That's the real problem.

02:21:31.000 Don't you?

02:21:32.000 You know what?

02:21:32.000 I believe it.

02:21:34.000 I don't know that I want it to be real because part of me is like, I think that they would look at us like we're an ant farm.

02:21:40.000 Well, maybe.

02:21:41.000 You know, or like whenever you see, you know, primates and they're teaching them sign language or they teach them how to do certain things and it's like, okay, maybe, you know, they're teaching us how to do certain things just to see what we do.

02:21:55.000 You know what I mean?

02:21:56.000 It's like the level of intelligence that, you know, we have a certain understanding and we can only unlock so much, but who knows what level, you know, whatever else out there is at.

02:22:08.000 And maybe it's like, yeah, let's teach them how to be able to talk to each other.

02:22:13.000 Let's teach them how to do this, maybe to study.

02:22:16.000 You never know.

02:22:17.000 Could be.

02:22:18.000 I would guess that we're figuring that out on our own, but that they...

02:22:24.000 If I was an alien life form, I would watch us and I would say, let's just make sure they don't fuck anything up.

02:22:29.000 Like they seem to be on a path.

02:22:31.000 The path is technological progression.

02:22:33.000 Everything keeps getting better and faster and computers and electric cars and airplanes are faster and everything's far better and computers is far more power at a certain point in time.

02:22:45.000 I bet every civilization goes through that.

02:22:48.000 If aliens are real, if they really get to be super sophisticated where they can travel through the cosmos, I bet they all get to that point where they're learning how to be civilized at the same time they're learning insane technology.

02:23:03.000 And then the people that get access to the insane technology are still barbaric. 0.98

02:23:06.000 And they still want to use it to fucking nuke countries and shit. 0.99

02:23:09.000 There's probably a balancing act there. 0.99

02:23:12.000 That gets achieved by every civilization, and it's probably pretty precarious.

02:23:16.000 Like right now, like in the state where we're at now, it might probably like...

02:23:20.000 Getting close to the reset.

02:23:21.000 Pretty precarious.

02:23:22.000 Like the Ukraine thing, they're actually shooting giant metal pipes at each other. 0.65

02:23:28.000 Boom! 0.99

02:23:29.000 Boom! 0.99

02:23:29.000 Like this is actually happening. 0.99

02:23:31.000 So if I was an alien life form and I realized that this is a nuclear superpower that's engaging in this, I'd be like... 1.00

02:23:38.000 Hold the fuck on, guys. 1.00

02:23:39.000 Let me break the kids up. 1.00

02:23:41.000 Hey, relax. 0.96

02:23:43.000 But also, if I was a government, I wanted a lot of people about some shit that I had, I'd start putting all these UFO stories out there. 0.98

02:23:50.000 That way you could scare the shit out of them. 0.95

02:23:53.000 If they found out there was an alien invasion, the only way to stop it was to shut down the internet and give the controls of the internet to the president where they could limit it to a certain amount of time during the day. 0.97

02:24:05.000 Yeah, because the aliens.

02:24:07.000 Can't let the aliens take over.

02:24:08.000 Come on.

02:24:10.000 I've always said, too, like, you know, I don't think they'll...

02:24:13.000 We'll go back to the, you know, stay home mask situation unless we get to a point where it'd have to be the next level.

02:24:21.000 It couldn't just be an illness.

02:24:23.000 It couldn't be a virus or disease.

02:24:24.000 It would have to actually be...

02:24:26.000 Yeah.

02:24:27.000 Well, aliens are here.

02:24:28.000 People know the playbook now for that one.

02:24:30.000 They don't know the alien playbook.

02:24:31.000 So if an alien invasion or a fake alien invasion happens...

02:24:35.000 Look, we know what happens when people get freaked out.

02:24:39.000 That's the War of the Worlds. 0.70

02:24:41.000 It's going to be the Orson Welles thing.

02:24:42.000 Orson Welles thing.

02:24:43.000 I mean, that's wild.

02:24:44.000 Like, they announced at the beginning of that broadcast what it was.

02:24:48.000 But a lot of people tuned in in the middle.

02:24:50.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:24:53.000 Those motherfuckers thought the aliens were there! 1.00

02:24:55.000 Can you imagine that? 1.00

02:24:56.000 You're just home and all of a sudden you turn that on.

02:24:58.000 I think people killed themselves.

02:25:02.000 Was there a suicide that was attached to the Orson?

02:25:05.000 I think we've gone over this before.

02:25:07.000 And I think there was at least one suicide.

02:25:09.000 That someone was so scared that the Martians were coming that they killed themselves.

02:25:15.000 Bro.

02:25:16.000 That's what happens when people freak out.

02:25:18.000 And if they freak out over a virus, imagine how they're going to freak out about aliens. 0.99

02:25:22.000 And what if they're aliens that are harvesting human souls or something fucking demonic and wild like that? 0.99

02:25:30.000 I'll never get my soul. 0.99

02:25:31.000 You never?

02:25:32.000 No, I'm saying like people are saying they'll never get my soul.

02:25:34.000 Exactly.

02:25:35.000 There's a PBS article that is counter to this story we've heard for a while.

02:25:42.000 It did a little bit of research on it and it says that not only did very few people hear the actual broadcast, virtually no one thought it was real.

02:25:49.000 Really?

02:25:51.000 But wait a minute.

02:25:51.000 Why was that like a cultural narrative for so long?

02:25:55.000 Maybe it's...

02:25:57.000 Who's saying this?

02:25:58.000 There's a couple of different researchers who have looked up the stuff.

02:26:01.000 I don't know.

02:26:02.000 This is what this article says.

02:26:04.000 Memory and media have an incredibly complex relationship.

02:26:07.000 Well, that is true.

02:26:09.000 Could be maybe because some headlines were posted that just said that, and that's what everyone took as being.

02:26:15.000 Right, which they definitely did a lot.

02:26:17.000 Well, that's Reefer Madness.

02:26:18.000 They definitely did a lot of that back then. 1.00

02:26:20.000 They lied about a lot of shit back then. 0.98

02:26:21.000 Also, whoever, maybe the newspaper and the radio station were in cahoots. 0.99

02:26:26.000 Yeah, that's true, right?

02:26:27.000 And even today, to this day, they use sensationalist headlines.

02:26:30.000 So maybe they did that, like telling people that everybody believed it, and then the story spread.

02:26:35.000 That kind of makes sense.

02:26:36.000 This says from surveys done immediately after the program.

02:26:39.000 The problem with that is, I didn't believe it at all. 0.99

02:26:43.000 I'm too smart for that fucking radio. 0.98

02:26:46.000 You know, so there's probably a bunch of people that got duped. 0.99

02:26:48.000 But putting stuff out there like that back then, do you think people were more likely to believe it back then?

02:26:53.000 Because it was so like, oh, shoot.

02:26:55.000 Yeah, they didn't have the internet.

02:26:56.000 They didn't have Twitter. 0.99

02:26:57.000 They couldn't just go, what the fuck is this? 0.99

02:26:59.000 And someone would go, actually, we checked. 0.99

02:27:00.000 This is what it is.

02:27:01.000 Now you know.

02:27:02.000 You know, back then, you have no idea.

02:27:04.000 There was like, what are you going to say?

02:27:05.000 You read the newspaper.

02:27:07.000 The newspaper is the truth.

02:27:08.000 That's it.

02:27:08.000 That's all you get.

02:27:10.000 That's why everybody was so scared of weed.

02:27:12.000 Mm-hmm.

02:27:13.000 Because William Randolph Hearst conspired with Harry Anslinger to make marijuana demonized.

02:27:19.000 And they put it in the newspapers.

02:27:21.000 Yeah.

02:27:22.000 The insanity.

02:27:24.000 What did they say it made you do everything?

02:27:25.000 It made you do everything. 1.00

02:27:27.000 It's an amazingly stupid movie. 1.00

02:27:30.000 This guy's smoking pot, just fucking throwing people out of windows. 1.00

02:27:34.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:27:35.000 That's closer to blow.

02:27:36.000 Yeah.

02:27:37.000 Yeah.

02:27:38.000 Or angel dust.

02:27:40.000 PCP, something else.

02:27:42.000 Yeah, something else will make you do that.

02:27:43.000 But we, nah, not so much.

02:27:44.000 But listen, brother, I'm glad we got to do this.

02:27:47.000 Let's do it again.

02:27:47.000 I'm glad you're at the club.

02:27:49.000 I'm fucking super pumped to have you there this weekend. 0.91

02:27:51.000 Two shows tonight and tomorrow night. 0.84

02:27:53.000 Are you doing Sunday as well?

02:27:54.000 The whole weekend.

02:27:55.000 The whole weekend. 1.00

02:27:55.000 The whole fucking weekend. 1.00

02:27:57.000 Beautiful. 0.99

02:27:58.000 All right, man.

02:27:59.000 Glad we did it.

02:28:00.000 Thank you.

02:28:00.000 This is awesome.

02:28:01.000 I'm like, come on, how come I haven't done this show sooner?

02:28:03.000 I love conspiracy theories and talking about drugs and comedy.

02:28:06.000 This is awesome.

02:28:07.000 Let's do it again, brother.

02:28:08.000 Let's do it again.

02:28:09.000 Finally got to do it.

02:28:10.000 Yes, me too.

02:28:11.000 Thank you very much.

02:28:12.000 Thank you.

02:28:12.000 All right.

02:28:12.000 Bye, everybody.

The Joe Rogan Experience - June 22, 2023

Joe Rogan Experience #2001 - Gabriel Iglesias

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Summary

Transcript