The Joe Rogan Experience - April 07, 2012


Joe Rogan Experience #203 - Jim Jefferies

Topics
hoarding alligators Three Stooges audition webbed feet neurons in heart schizophrenic personality disorder multiple personality disorder porn magazines grabbing an ass cutting marks terrorist checks comedy club steroids in sports chemicals in food MSG and cigarettes shit podcast
Hosted by
Joe Rogan
Guests
Jim Jefferies
Mentioned
Jim Jeffries Sex Squad Crocodile Dundee Brendan Walsh Larry Herschel Walker George Bush Jr. Dana D'Armond Paul Hogan Billy Joel Eddie V Stephen Hawking Dudley Moore Barry Bonds Tom Cruise Kate Linda Kozlowski Duncan Trussell Nelson Mandela Deepak Chopra and 93 more
Joe Rogan Experience #202 - Dom Irrera Joe Rogan Experience #204 - Amy Schumer

Episode Stats


Length

1 hour and 59 minutes

Words per minute

203.5

Word count

24,250

Sentence count

2,959

Harmful content

Misogyny

170

sentences flagged

Toxicity

1,033

sentences flagged

Hate speech

92

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

Jim Jeffries blows a fart, and the rest of the team tries to figure out if this is a good or bad thing. Also, the boys debate whether or not the joke was actually a joke or not, and who's to say it was right or wrong? Thanks to our sponsor, The Fleshlight, for sponsoring this episode. We're also talking about AlphaBnB, the cognitive enhancing supplement, New Mood, the serotonin boosting supplement, and we have Shroom Tech, the nootropic and ShroomTech Immune. All of them, except for Shrooms Tech, are nootropic supplements you should try to get started on your morning routine. If you don't already have them, go get them! Save 15% using the code ROGAN at checkout and save 15% on your first order of anything else you get. Use the codename ROGANS and you save 15%. Enjoy it! XOXO, Rory and the boys - The R.I.P. Crew The R&B Jerrod and the crew at The R & B Boys Brian and the guys at the R&R Crew at the Comedy Central Comedy Festival in Los Angeles, CA and they're having a live show at The Comedy Central after the show, so make sure to check out the show! the R and B Comedy Central's Comedy Festival! in LA. The guys at Comedy Central is a must-listen! and listen to the show you're not going to want to be there! - the next time you're in LA is having a good time at the next day, so be sure to catch up on what they're going to do there. and don't miss it. You won't want to miss the show that's going to be in LA, right here and here's a review of the best of what's going on in LA and what they did last week's best, and what you can do in LA's best place to listen to on the best place in LA? and who they're listening to that's the best, right there in LA or LA is going to say so you'll be the best in LA at the best review of it, too. . Thank you for listening to it? - That's right, you'll get a discount code name "ROGAN" and you'll also get the first 30% discount code "Saving 15% off the first order you get a chance to win $10% off your first purchase.

Transcript

Transcripts from "The Joe Rogan Experience" are sourced from the Knowledge Fight Interactive Search Tool. Explore them interactively here.
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
Topics generated with Qwen2.5-3B-Instruct.
Hosts, guests, and mentioned names generated with spaCy (en_core_web_sm), reconciled against Wikidata.
00:00:00.000 We do a couple commercials, and then we get cracking.
00:00:03.000 But the commercials...
00:00:04.000 You're on.
00:00:04.000 We're on right now.
00:00:05.000 So when the commercials start, if you feel like talking, you just go ahead.
00:00:09.000 It doesn't mean it.
00:00:10.000 No, I'll be respectful to you.
00:00:13.000 It doesn't matter.
00:00:14.000 Jim Jeffries, I'm telling you, you do whatever you want to do.
00:00:16.000 Everyone's allowed to chime in.
00:00:17.000 God, he's blowing a fart on me.
00:00:19.000 Who is?
00:00:19.000 Jim Jeffries just waved a fart on me.
00:00:21.000 Did I? Yeah.
00:00:22.000 I don't even know what I do these days.
00:00:24.000 I did that so solidly.
00:00:26.000 Because that sounds like something I would have done.
00:00:28.000 So I'm going to just apologize.
00:00:30.000 Wow.
00:00:31.000 Sorry.
00:00:31.000 And you don't even have you just made a went on autopilot?
00:00:34.000 Auto fart on you, pilot?
00:00:36.000 The podcast is brought to you by The Fleshlight.
00:00:38.000 That's our main number one sponsor.
00:00:40.000 Our first sponsor ever of all time.
00:00:42.000 Way back in the day when we were just on a laptop with Ustream and snowflakes in the background.
00:00:46.000 When they were black and white.
00:00:48.000 Back in the days, before the Avatar or the not-alien movie won, they were just black and white.
00:00:54.000 We started when there was black and white television, but fleshlight.
00:00:57.000 Stop lying, Brian.
00:00:59.000 It's true.
00:00:59.000 There was no black and white televisions.
00:01:01.000 What are you talking about?
00:01:02.000 Like back in the day, there was black and white TV. Right, but that's not when we started with the flashlights.
00:01:07.000 We started when it was only black and white, you know, black and white flashlights.
00:01:11.000 That's a terrible joke.
00:01:12.000 It doesn't even make sense.
00:01:13.000 It's a commercial joke.
00:01:14.000 It doesn't even make sense.
00:01:15.000 Why don't you go back even further and go, we started before podcasts were talkies.
00:01:20.000 It doesn't even make sense. 0.96
00:01:21.000 That's ridiculous. 0.92
00:01:21.000 You know when it was silent, that's when we were doing it. 0.92
00:01:23.000 You're lying to these people.
00:01:25.000 They know you've only been doing it for two years.
00:01:27.000 Everybody knows.
00:01:28.000 No, no, no.
00:01:28.000 The fleshlight was only black and white.
00:01:30.000 It was a fleshlight joke.
00:01:32.000 It was not supposed to be really thought about too much.
00:01:34.000 Was it true?
00:01:35.000 There was more.
00:01:36.000 There was a bunch of different colors, right?
00:01:37.000 No.
00:01:38.000 When we started, I think it was just black and white, unless they had the alien one before that, but I don't think they did. 0.99
00:01:44.000 Didn't they have, like, zombies and shit? 0.97
00:01:46.000 No, that happened all late, recently. 0.99
00:01:47.000 Really?
00:01:48.000 Yeah, see if it's a black and white question.
00:01:49.000 So that's what your joke was?
00:01:51.000 Yeah.
00:01:51.000 Oh, Jesus Christ, son.
00:01:53.000 It was a cheesy joke.
00:01:54.000 Wow.
00:01:55.000 It was pretty good, man.
00:01:56.000 Did you like it?
00:01:57.000 No, I haven't even got it yet.
00:02:02.000 I'm glad somebody else is here.
00:02:04.000 I'm still pushing that.
00:02:05.000 I'm glad, because, you know, if there's a message board out there, there's 100 people right now agreeing with Brian.
00:02:09.000 Brian's totally right.
00:02:10.000 The joke totally made sense.
00:02:12.000 It was an excellent joke. 0.94
00:02:13.000 They're fucking duking it out right now on some internet forums over this. 0.79
00:02:18.000 Anyway, it's a good product, the Fleshlight. 0.96
00:02:20.000 Solid. 0.99
00:02:21.000 You know, it's embarrassing, sure, but you know you're going to masturbate, so just go get one. 1.00
00:02:24.000 Fuck it. 1.00
00:02:25.000 Try it. 1.00
00:02:25.000 It's good. 1.00
00:02:26.000 Use the codename ROGAN and you save 15%.
00:02:30.000 There you go.
00:02:31.000 Just save you some money.
00:02:32.000 Enjoy it!
00:02:34.000 We're also brought to you by Onnit.com, O-N-N-I-T, makers of AlphaBrain, the cognitive enhancing supplement, New Mood, the serotonin boosting supplement, and we have Shroom Tech Sport and Shroom Tech Immune.
00:02:46.000 All of them, essentially, except for, I guess the Shroom Tech wouldn't be.
00:02:52.000 I'm not necessarily thought of as a nootropic, but what they are, what especially alpha brain is, is essentially vitamins for enhancing your cognitive function.
00:03:03.000 What does that mean?
00:03:04.000 The way it's explained to me is it enhances your body's ability to produce neurotransmitters, and you feel better, you feel clearer.
00:03:12.000 I take it all the time.
00:03:13.000 I feel great, and I notice the difference between when I'm taking it and when I'm not taking it.
00:03:17.000 I can tell.
00:03:19.000 Go to onnit.com for details, O-N-N-I-T, and use the code name ROGAN, save 10%.
00:03:26.000 First 30 pills, the first order you get of anything, it's 100% money-back guarantee. 0.86
00:03:31.000 So even if you eat it all, you can take all the vitamins, eat all 30 of them, and go, you know what, I think this is shit, then you get your money back. 0.96
00:03:39.000 No one's trying to rip anybody off. 0.91
00:03:40.000 This is all stuff that I've used long before I was ever associated with this company, and I'm a big believer in vitamins.
00:03:46.000 So, go and check it out. 1.00
00:03:49.000 I'm playing footsies with you, bitch. 1.00
00:03:52.000 You're playing footsies with me. 1.00
00:03:53.000 We need more space, is what this is.
00:03:55.000 This table's too small.
00:03:56.000 Accidental footsies will not be tolerated.
00:03:58.000 Especially, I'm barefoot.
00:04:00.000 I'm like one of the Abbott brothers.
00:04:01.000 I'm one of the Abbott brothers in a music video.
00:04:04.000 I'm going to take off my shoe and socks, so if you do it again, it'll be really gross.
00:04:07.000 Don't do it.
00:04:09.000 Don't take off your shoes and socks, because sometimes your feet stink, dude.
00:04:11.000 You know, every now and then, you rock the wrong shoes too many days in a row.
00:04:15.000 I slept with my shoes on last night, so you might be right.
00:04:18.000 I heard you slept in your car.
00:04:20.000 Is that correct?
00:04:21.000 Yeah, I passed out in my car for a little bit of time last night.
00:04:24.000 Shazam, son.
00:04:24.000 Were you driving and passed out?
00:04:26.000 Were you just parked by the side of the road?
00:04:27.000 I don't remember.
00:04:27.000 I just woke up.
00:04:28.000 By the way, that's so illegal.
00:04:30.000 You should never do that.
00:04:31.000 You should just get a hotel somewhere.
00:04:33.000 Because if you're asleep in your car, and even if you have no intention of driving drunk, and if a cop knocks on your door, you're going to jail.
00:04:39.000 But what if you're in the backseat?
00:04:40.000 You're going to jail.
00:04:41.000 Really?
00:04:42.000 You can't sleep in a car?
00:04:43.000 No.
00:04:44.000 What about all these comics that always tell you that, like, I was sleeping in my car the first few years?
00:04:48.000 They got lucky.
00:04:49.000 They're all doing something illegal?
00:04:50.000 Well, they're not necessarily doing something illegal.
00:04:52.000 I mean, you know, I bet there's places you could park where no one's going to care.
00:04:56.000 Well, you could go to rest stops.
00:04:57.000 What I'm saying is if you're drunk.
00:04:59.000 If you're drunk and you're in your car, you're sleeping in your car.
00:05:02.000 They don't care that you had no intention to drive drunk. 0.99
00:05:05.000 They still, they're going to fucking arrest you. 0.99
00:05:09.000 If you're hammered and you're in your car. 0.99
00:05:10.000 I don't drink drive because I'm not a citizen.
00:05:13.000 The day I am.
00:05:15.000 It's all over.
00:05:17.000 We haven't even started yet.
00:05:18.000 Go to honor.com.
00:05:19.000 Learn everything.
00:05:20.000 Details.
00:05:20.000 Blah, blah, blah.
00:05:21.000 Enter in the codename ROGAN. Save yourself 10% off all orders.
00:05:26.000 Done.
00:05:26.000 Thank you very much.
00:05:28.000 Ladies and gentlemen.
00:05:29.000 The great Jim Jeffries.
00:05:30.000 The Joe Rogan Experience.
00:05:33.000 Showing by day.
00:05:34.000 Joe Rogan Podcast by night.
00:05:35.000 All day!
00:05:36.000 Ladies and gentlemen, this podcast unfortunately started about 15 minutes ago, and we just decided to let you in on it now. 0.93
00:05:51.000 For the past 15 minutes, Jim Jeffries and Brian have been laughing up a fucking storm. 1.00
00:05:57.000 You silly bitches. 1.00
00:05:59.000 I feel like we've used all the best stuff, to be honest with you. 0.99
00:06:02.000 Yeah, I feel like we got out to a good...
00:06:05.000 It's like if you go to the gym and you lift, the first thing you do is too heavy.
00:06:08.000 You can fuck up the rest of your workout.
00:06:10.000 Right, Brian? 0.99
00:06:12.000 Brian knows what's up.
00:06:13.000 Jim Jeffries?
00:06:14.000 I personal train very occasionally.
00:06:17.000 Personal train?
00:06:18.000 No, I get personally trained by a guy who gets very disappointed in me.
00:06:21.000 Kenny Kane, who is a comedian as well.
00:06:24.000 Oh, he's a comedian slash personal fitness guy?
00:06:27.000 Yeah.
00:06:27.000 Oh, that's cool.
00:06:28.000 How do you become a personal fitness guy?
00:06:30.000 Do you have to have a degree in kinesiology?
00:06:32.000 I don't know.
00:06:33.000 But he trains lots of famous people, so he must have something going on, yeah.
00:06:37.000 Is that what it takes?
00:06:38.000 I guess so, for me to be convinced.
00:06:40.000 But personal training's just...
00:06:43.000 It's just, it's only useful to lazy people.
00:06:46.000 You know what I mean?
00:06:47.000 Because I give up really quickly.
00:06:48.000 It's just the guy, I just need a person, it could be a fat person standing there, going, keep going, come on, come on, you've got another one in you, and I go, alright then.
00:06:57.000 Because if I'm by myself, I have a very low threshold for any type of activity.
00:07:01.000 Really?
00:07:01.000 But you make yourself go to the gym.
00:07:04.000 Yeah, I don't want to be morbidly obese. 0.99
00:07:07.000 No, my mother's a huge fat woman. 1.00
00:07:09.000 I have fat genes. 0.99
00:07:10.000 I fight against that.
00:07:12.000 I don't want to be a fatty.
00:07:15.000 Yeah, well, you're keeping it together.
00:07:16.000 Yeah, I'm always on the brink, but yeah.
00:07:20.000 It's tough to be disciplined. 0.97
00:07:23.000 It's tough to force yourself to do shit that's not pleasant. 0.99
00:07:27.000 But you're very good at it, but you enjoy it, right? 0.99
00:07:29.000 I feel like I need it.
00:07:30.000 I don't like the way I function when I don't work out.
00:07:33.000 I don't like the way I think.
00:07:35.000 I don't like the, you know, my threshold for getting annoyed at things gets too high.
00:07:41.000 You know, I'm too tense.
00:07:43.000 I think physically, the way you physically feel, it affects the way you interact with people. 0.96
00:07:49.000 and I think you almost have a duty to try to keep your shit in line at least enough so it's not fucking up on you so you're annoyed all the time when you're around people. 0.99
00:08:00.000 Because that's what you run into a lot of really cranky, bitchy people. 1.00
00:08:04.000 You know what that is?
00:08:05.000 That's a person with a really unhappy body.
00:08:08.000 That's an unhappy human.
00:08:09.000 I'm of the opinion that if you let yourself go too much, you do become a burden on others, especially...
00:08:14.000 It's alright if you get cancer or something like that.
00:08:17.000 I think the more fat, it's more comfortable.
00:08:19.000 But there's some dudes where you see them waddle in and you're like, come on, man.
00:08:26.000 Someone's got to pull you aside.
00:08:28.000 This has got to stop.
00:08:30.000 Do you not have anybody that couldn't have talked some sense into you?
00:08:34.000 I guess the pull is just too strong, man.
00:08:37.000 No, my mother's a huge woman. 1.00
00:08:39.000 How big?
00:08:40.000 At her peak would have been over 300 pounds. 1.00
00:08:42.000 Jeez.
00:08:43.000 Yeah, but also bring in hoarding. 1.00
00:08:47.000 Oh, no.
00:08:47.000 Yeah, also.
00:08:48.000 I didn't know it was a condition. 0.99
00:08:50.000 That TV show changed my fucking life, man. 0.99
00:08:52.000 That's my childhood. 1.00
00:08:53.000 Wow.
00:08:53.000 I was watching it like, yeah, hoarder, man.
00:08:55.000 Oh, my God. 0.99
00:08:56.000 Every single one of our bedrooms after we moved out, me and my two brothers, those bedrooms would just fill up with shit just afterwards. 0.99
00:09:03.000 Jesus Christ. 0.98
00:09:05.000 Now, when you look back, what did you think was going on when you were a kid?
00:09:11.000 I just...
00:09:12.000 My mother called herself a collector. 0.98
00:09:14.000 You know how these people call themselves collectors if they just hoard one particular thing?
00:09:18.000 But it was porcelain dolls.
00:09:20.000 Wow. 1.00
00:09:20.000 Creepy Victorian-looking fucking dolls. 1.00
00:09:25.000 All around you. 1.00
00:09:26.000 Hundreds and hundreds of them just staring at you while you...
00:09:28.000 Did you ever do mushrooms and look at them?
00:09:30.000 No.
00:09:31.000 Oh, my God.
00:09:33.000 Terrifying.
00:09:33.000 Oh, my God.
00:09:34.000 That would not be sweet.
00:09:35.000 There was one that used to stare at me that I'd had to put a towel over its head every time I was watching TV. Otherwise, I couldn't...
00:09:40.000 Wow.
00:09:40.000 Being comfortable watching TV. That's how my grandmother was.
00:09:43.000 It was that and those little paperweights that looked like globes or something like that.
00:09:47.000 Oh, yeah.
00:09:48.000 Everywhere.
00:09:49.000 The snow, where you shook them and there's snow inside of them.
00:09:52.000 Oh, snow goats.
00:09:53.000 Some of those, but also those big marble ones.
00:09:55.000 It looks like you just have a huge marble.
00:09:57.000 I've never understood the paperweight market.
00:09:59.000 I've probably had in my life...
00:10:03.000 Maybe 10 paperweights.
00:10:05.000 I don't think I've had 10. I've never had a bit where my paper has been so out of control.
00:10:10.000 I just shut windows.
00:10:13.000 You know what I mean?
00:10:14.000 Like I'm a window shutter.
00:10:15.000 I see that as an easier fix than just paper blowing everywhere.
00:10:19.000 And plus, there's so many outside, like in your yard.
00:10:22.000 If you really needed something to weigh something down, just get a rock.
00:10:25.000 This is one, a book is one, anything's one.
00:10:29.000 There's people who made us think that it's an actual invention that will build an actual glass object with a spindly thing in the middle.
00:10:38.000 Yeah. 0.97
00:10:39.000 And then everybody else was like, oh shit, we've got to get involved with that market. 0.99
00:10:42.000 Right. 1.00
00:10:43.000 God damn, we've got to jump on that globe market. 0.99
00:10:45.000 I wonder if it's patented. 0.99
00:10:47.000 It's patented?
00:10:48.000 Patented.
00:10:49.000 Could be.
00:10:50.000 Patented.
00:10:51.000 Did I say patented?
00:10:53.000 Is that how you would say it?
00:10:54.000 I think that's how I would say it, but I still think that's the wrong way to say it in my accent.
00:11:00.000 I just think it was me speaking like a tad.
00:11:02.000 I don't think it was anything to do with being Australian.
00:11:06.000 It's so bizarre how similar Australians are to Americans, even though you guys have a different accent. 0.98
00:11:13.000 The accent's a little odd.
00:11:17.000 I think we're more similar to the British person.
00:11:19.000 You are as well.
00:11:20.000 But I mean, it's amazing how you go there.
00:11:23.000 By the way, the way I mean it, it's like you just could fit right in.
00:11:27.000 The accent melts after a day.
00:11:30.000 That's just what people sound like.
00:11:31.000 And it seems like you're in America.
00:11:33.000 Well, I don't notice the American accent now on anybody at all.
00:11:37.000 It's only when I have to do an audition and they make me do the American accent that I get a bit shitty with the whole thing.
00:11:42.000 Oh, do they do that?
00:11:43.000 They make you change your voice? 0.99
00:11:45.000 Yeah, and I fucked that one audition. 0.99
00:11:47.000 I got a couple of callbacks, and then I said the word, I went to the zoo and I saw a zebra. 0.99
00:11:53.000 I still said zebra in an American accent, but with British phrasing, and they freaked the fuck out.
00:12:01.000 I need to hear more of this American voice. 0.95
00:12:02.000 That was a creepy voice, dude.
00:12:03.000 Why is that so creepy?
00:12:05.000 What are we going to do for that? 0.99
00:12:06.000 Dude, that is creepy as fuck. 1.00
00:12:09.000 You talking with an American voice, that is creepy. 1.00
00:12:13.000 I'm sort of, I wouldn't say synonymous with it, but I say cunt a lot on stage. 1.00
00:12:17.000 People always want me to say cunt, like when they have photos. 1.00
00:12:21.000 Talk American right now. 1.00
00:12:22.000 In my accent, if I say cunt, it sounds great. 1.00
00:12:24.000 But even when I say cunt as an American, I go, ooh... 1.00
00:12:29.000 Well, that's a bit harsh. 1.00
00:12:30.000 Dude, you sound like a totally different human when you put on that American accent. 1.00
00:12:34.000 Look at that fucking cunt over there. 1.00
00:12:36.000 Come on. 1.00
00:12:36.000 You would never think that's Jim Jeffries. 1.00
00:12:39.000 There's no way I would think that's you.
00:12:40.000 I know, but that's the thing. 0.90
00:12:41.000 If you called me up, that would freak me the fuck out.
00:12:43.000 I'm going to tell you right now, don't do that. 0.99
00:12:46.000 Just because I sound gay?
00:12:47.000 No!
00:12:48.000 It doesn't sound good at all!
00:12:49.000 Hey Joe, it's Jim.
00:12:50.000 I just want to speak to you very quickly.
00:12:51.000 We have a few problems here right now. 0.98
00:12:53.000 It sounds vaguely fucked up. 0.97
00:12:56.000 Like, it doesn't sound right. 0.98
00:12:58.000 It sounds really good though.
00:13:01.000 It's so close to like a real person, but yet not.
00:13:06.000 I'm like, there's something affected about this.
00:13:08.000 Do an accent, Joe.
00:13:09.000 I want to hear you in an accent.
00:13:10.000 Do an Australian. 0.99
00:13:11.000 See how you can do an Australian. 0.97
00:13:12.000 You can't even make a fight one.
00:13:14.000 I don't know how to do it.
00:13:14.000 It actually wasn't bad.
00:13:16.000 I can't do a fight one over there, Joe.
00:13:18.000 No, you lost me there. 0.99
00:13:20.000 We don't say shit. 0.99
00:13:23.000 I do more English. 0.99
00:13:25.000 Mine's 50-50 because I lived in England for 10 years.
00:13:27.000 We don't say the word shrimp.
00:13:31.000 Americans call prawn shrimp.
00:13:32.000 We call them prawns, right? 0.99
00:13:34.000 Paul Hogan does that fucking commercial where he goes, all right, we'll throw another shrimp on the barbie for you. 0.99
00:13:39.000 Like that, right? 0.99
00:13:40.000 And now that's like synonymous with Australians when that's not even a word we say.
00:13:44.000 I have people yell that out at American gigs.
00:13:46.000 Like when I'm on stage going, do the shrimp thing. 1.00
00:13:49.000 I'm like, fuck off, man. 1.00
00:13:50.000 Isn't it weird how many, like, crazy personalities have come out of Australia? 1.00
00:13:54.000 Like the Crocodile Hunter, Paul Hogan, Crocodile Dundee.
00:13:58.000 Yeah, oh yeah.
00:13:59.000 He was our Diana.
00:14:01.000 Yeah.
00:14:03.000 Crocodile Dundee was your Diana.
00:14:05.000 He lives around here somewhere.
00:14:06.000 Does he?
00:14:07.000 Paul Hogan, yeah.
00:14:08.000 Kangaroo Jack.
00:14:09.000 They only did a couple of those Crocodile Dundees, though, and then they were done. 0.99
00:14:12.000 I would have thought that could have been, like, some Indiana Jones-type shit. 0.98
00:14:15.000 No, no, they did a third. 0.98
00:14:16.000 You haven't seen it?
00:14:17.000 The third one's appalling.
00:14:19.000 Yeah.
00:14:19.000 The third one's always straight to DVD. Yeah.
00:14:23.000 And it's like, because the whole idea was that Crocodile Dundee went from Australia, in the outback of Australia, to New York and was like, what the fuck's he going to do? 0.76
00:14:31.000 This is such a different place. 0.95
00:14:32.000 He can survive out there, but he can't survive here.
00:14:34.000 So that happened for the first two films.
00:14:36.000 Then for the third film you think, let's send him to another country like Britain or somewhere else that's different.
00:14:42.000 It's Crocodile Dundee in LA. Now the thing is, he's been living since the last Crocodile Dundee film.
00:14:49.000 He's been living in New York for over a decade and then he gets to LA and he doesn't know what's going on.
00:14:55.000 Like it's too alarming for him.
00:14:57.000 Like what are all these people wearing sunglasses for?
00:14:59.000 This is weird. 0.99
00:15:01.000 Jeez, these women's breasts are too big. 1.00
00:15:03.000 Like it's not a great film. 0.98
00:15:05.000 And in the end he becomes an animal trainer for the movies and he foils a robbery.
00:15:13.000 Actually, now I look back on it, it's a great film.
00:15:19.000 I didn't give it a chance. 0.65
00:15:21.000 Just a sheer ridiculousness of it.
00:15:24.000 He's still with Linda Kozlowski, who he married from the...
00:15:27.000 Oh, from the movie?
00:15:28.000 Paul Hogan was married to a real fat woman called Noeline Hogan, who was just this big, fat woman, and he had five kids with her, which he had before he was famous.
00:15:39.000 Then he did Crocodile Dundee, and he started dating Linda Kozlowski.
00:15:43.000 And the Australian public were like, oh, what's he done to his wife?
00:15:46.000 But now he's been with that bird for 25 years, so you can't really get into him as much.
00:15:50.000 You started dating a bird?
00:15:52.000 No!
00:15:53.000 You know how the British...
00:15:55.000 You know Brian. 0.99
00:15:57.000 Silly goose. 0.99
00:15:58.000 Silly goose. 0.99
00:15:59.000 The Beatles song Blackbird is about Rosa Parks. 0.98
00:16:02.000 Wow.
00:16:03.000 Because Paul McCartney was going, isn't that good what that black bird did there? 1.00
00:16:06.000 That's pretty good.
00:16:07.000 Wow.
00:16:08.000 Wow.
00:16:08.000 So a bird's like a person or a girl?
00:16:11.000 A girl.
00:16:11.000 Just a girl.
00:16:12.000 Any girl.
00:16:13.000 Yeah.
00:16:14.000 Normally, if you say, this is my bird, or those birds look nice, it's normally about an attractive woman, it would be called a bird, yeah. 1.00
00:16:21.000 Would you ever fuck a real bird? 1.00
00:16:25.000 Like an eagle? 1.00
00:16:27.000 I'll answer the question, what bird would I fuck if I was going to fuck a bird? 1.00
00:16:32.000 If you had to fuck a bird, yeah. 1.00
00:16:34.000 It would be something with a long leg so I didn't have to squat or anything like that. 1.00
00:16:38.000 Like a peacock. 1.00
00:16:39.000 Or then you could just hold the bird and fuck it. 1.00
00:16:41.000 But I'm thinking like an emu or an ostrich or a flamingo. 1.00
00:16:45.000 Probably a flamingo because it's pink and then I'd be pretty comfortable with that.
00:16:48.000 Yeah, I'd do flamingo.
00:16:48.000 That was mine.
00:16:49.000 Flamingos smell like shit. 1.00
00:16:50.000 When you walk past the flamingo thing, you would totally lose your boner. 1.00
00:16:53.000 But they can balance on one leg.
00:16:55.000 They smell so bad.
00:16:56.000 They have a long neck to choke. 0.96
00:16:58.000 They're just like, where they live... 1.00
00:16:59.000 In the, uh, at the LA Zoo, it's like a shit pool. 1.00
00:17:03.000 Just a pool of bird shit. 1.00
00:17:06.000 I haven't been to the LA Zoo. 0.99
00:17:07.000 Does LA have a zoo?
00:17:08.000 Yeah, yeah, there's LA Zoo.
00:17:09.000 I thought the big one was in San Diego and the LA didn't really... 0.99
00:17:12.000 The difference between a bird and a mammal is I would feel bad if I fucked a mammal. 1.00
00:17:16.000 Like, if I fucked a dog, I'd be like, oh, sorry, dude. 1.00
00:17:19.000 I'd feel bad. 1.00
00:17:20.000 Right.
00:17:20.000 Why?
00:17:21.000 Because I like animals.
00:17:22.000 But a dog's not a mammal, is it?
00:17:24.000 Sure.
00:17:25.000 Of course.
00:17:26.000 I thought we were mammals.
00:17:27.000 Yeah, mammals are warm-blooded furry creatures.
00:17:31.000 Oh, I get mixed up.
00:17:32.000 Alright, so whales aren't fish.
00:17:34.000 Right, they're actually mammals. 0.99
00:17:35.000 But I still don't give a shit, it's a fish. 0.99
00:17:37.000 Whales are actually mammals? 1.00
00:17:39.000 Yeah, they've got a blowhole.
00:17:40.000 Yeah.
00:17:41.000 Isn't that nuts? 0.99
00:17:41.000 Did you say butthole? 0.99
00:17:42.000 Blowhole. 0.98
00:17:43.000 They'd be there, too. 1.00
00:17:44.000 They also have a butthole. 0.99
00:17:46.000 Yeah. 0.99
00:17:47.000 Isn't it funny that nothing that breathes water is smart?
00:17:50.000 Isn't that kind of cool? 1.00
00:17:52.000 Everything that breathes water is stupid except for like octopuses. 1.00
00:17:55.000 They think octopuses are geniuses. 1.00
00:17:57.000 That's what they reckon, yeah?
00:17:57.000 Yeah, they think they're kind of smart.
00:17:59.000 Which is like when you eat like a baby octopus salad or something.
00:18:02.000 Yeah.
00:18:03.000 That's why people don't want to eat dolphins because they're geniuses. 0.96
00:18:04.000 But now...
00:18:05.000 Right.
00:18:05.000 Eating like little fetus-sized...
00:18:09.000 That's a pretty dangerous place to go with the octopus.
00:18:12.000 Well, it's pretty dangerous to lock up dolphins and killer whales.
00:18:16.000 That's even more dangerous because that's something that we know they're talking to each other.
00:18:19.000 We know they have a complex language. 0.99
00:18:21.000 We don't give a fuck, really. 0.99
00:18:22.000 Yep, whatever. 0.99
00:18:23.000 Do you want a fish?
00:18:25.000 It's such a confined space for them.
00:18:27.000 It's terrible. 0.98
00:18:28.000 Not only that, there's a thrill in killing things.
00:18:31.000 People get a charge out of being a hunter-gatherer.
00:18:35.000 People that go hunting, when you go fishing, you catch a fish.
00:18:37.000 There's a primal release that you get from that.
00:18:42.000 It's natural.
00:18:43.000 It's a part of the reward system that nature's put in place to make sure you carry on.
00:18:48.000 So they have all these raging, raging hormones inside of them and all these killer instincts to take things out. 0.99
00:18:55.000 They're supposed to be killing shit left and right. 1.00
00:18:57.000 They're fucking killer whales. 1.00
00:18:59.000 They're these gigantic, monstrous animals. 1.00
00:19:02.000 And they don't get to kill shit. 1.00
00:19:04.000 Dolphins aren't into killing, just little fish. 1.00
00:19:06.000 Dolphins kill themselves.
00:19:07.000 They kill little dolphins.
00:19:09.000 They kill baby dolphins.
00:19:10.000 Dolphins murder each other.
00:19:12.000 It's fun to grab onto their fin though, eh?
00:19:14.000 I like to touch them. 1.00
00:19:16.000 We romanticize it, but the world underwater is cruel as fuck. 0.99
00:19:21.000 You know, killer whales eat dolphins, and dolphins regularly eat babies. 0.99
00:19:26.000 They kill baby dolphins.
00:19:27.000 Not only baby babies.
00:19:29.000 No, they would help baby humans, which is funny.
00:19:32.000 So would killer whales.
00:19:34.000 They just murdered babies all the time. 1.00
00:19:35.000 Yeah, the only whales that have been documented, there's been rumors about people being killed by killer whales.
00:19:41.000 The only whales that have been documented as killing people are the ones that are in captivity.
00:19:47.000 They actually help people in the wild.
00:19:49.000 They never kill in the wild.
00:19:50.000 Yeah.
00:19:50.000 But that's the same thing.
00:19:51.000 Stingrays. 0.99
00:19:52.000 How many stingrays have killed people before fucking Steve Irwin came involved? 0.99
00:19:56.000 I'm sure. 0.99
00:19:57.000 It's like four or five, they reckon.
00:19:59.000 Really?
00:19:59.000 Right?
00:20:00.000 Something real low number. 1.00
00:20:01.000 God, you just can't fuck with something like that, man. 0.99
00:20:03.000 Well, the thing is, that's why they go, I will never release the footage out of respect because they know he wasn't patting it going, isn't this a lovely thing? 0.99
00:20:11.000 Look at this.
00:20:11.000 You know, he was grabbing the tail, going, look at that!
00:20:14.000 That could kill you!
00:20:15.000 And he's pointing it up to me. 0.69
00:20:16.000 You know he's...
00:20:17.000 Oh, my God.
00:20:17.000 Could you imagine if he did, if that's really what was going on?
00:20:20.000 Do you think that they would owe the American public or the public, the worldwide public, rather?
00:20:24.000 Do you...
00:20:24.000 They would owe them that just for...
00:20:26.000 Just to know that... 1.00
00:20:27.000 Just to say, don't fuck with that. 1.00
00:20:28.000 You don't ever do this. 1.00
00:20:29.000 Yeah.
00:20:29.000 Don't do this.
00:20:30.000 It wasn't even for his show.
00:20:32.000 It was for his daughter's show for, like, the Disney Channel or whatever.
00:20:36.000 And his daughter was on the boat and then just...
00:20:38.000 Oh, God.
00:20:39.000 They reckon he would have lived if they didn't pull it out.
00:20:41.000 It would have blocked everything in.
00:20:42.000 If they left it in, he would have lived in time, but he pulled it out. 1.00
00:20:45.000 Oh, Jesus fucking Christ. 0.99
00:20:47.000 But I went swimming with stingrays about a month later, like hundreds and hundreds of them down in Antigua. 1.00
00:20:53.000 No one's letting fucking idiots like me in the water. 1.00
00:20:55.000 So they're obviously a pretty placid animal. 1.00
00:20:58.000 I don't know if they're all the same species.
00:21:00.000 I think there's a bunch of different kinds of stingrays, too.
00:21:03.000 I don't think... 0.98
00:21:03.000 I don't know what he was fucking with. 0.98
00:21:05.000 Yeah, well, the thing is, some of them, only, like, very few of them have poisonous stingers, but he didn't... 0.99
00:21:10.000 It wasn't that it was poisonous.
00:21:11.000 It went through his heart.
00:21:12.000 You know, everybody...
00:21:13.000 He's a weird, weird guy, because, like, everybody really loved that guy.
00:21:18.000 Apparently, he was a super nice guy.
00:21:20.000 Everybody loved him.
00:21:21.000 He put all his money back into conservation and stuff.
00:21:24.000 Like, he was a very charitable man as well. 0.99
00:21:26.000 But there were people that looked at some of the shit he did and were furious. 0.99
00:21:31.000 Like when he was holding his child while feeding a crocodile. 0.99
00:21:35.000 Yeah, that was good. 1.00
00:21:36.000 That was the most ridiculous shit I think I've ever seen a person do. 1.00
00:21:40.000 And he had a little baby running away. 1.00
00:21:42.000 I kind of like that though.
00:21:43.000 I didn't like that.
00:21:44.000 I didn't like that at all. 0.95
00:21:45.000 That's ridiculously cocky. 0.95
00:21:47.000 Just because that thing has never jacked you before doesn't mean it can't right now. 0.99
00:21:51.000 If it just decides it needs more than that chicken, are you really confident in what its fucking diet's been for the last couple of weeks? 0.99
00:21:57.000 Yeah, true. 0.99
00:21:57.000 A baby is the size of a big chicken. 0.99
00:21:59.000 They would be happy to eat you. 1.00
00:22:01.000 There was a bunch of kayakers that were going through some fucking river. 1.00
00:22:05.000 And one of them got taken out by a crocodile. 0.98
00:22:08.000 So a real recent thing was in like, was it a New York Times article or something like that? 0.99
00:22:12.000 But from the perspective of the other two guys that were kayaking, and a fucking crocodile came and jacked him. 0.96
00:22:20.000 Can you imagine the position, what it would feel like to be on a kayak and just get taken out by a giant dinosaur? 0.98
00:22:29.000 Just something that was alive a hundred million years ago.
00:22:32.000 It looked exactly the same.
00:22:34.000 Well, they reckon the big difference between crocodiles and alligators is crocodiles search for food and alligators sit and wait.
00:22:40.000 Really? 0.98
00:22:41.000 So an alligator was sitting in a swamp in Miami and just, until something stupidly looked like a rock until something swims by, where a crocodile just wakes up in the morning going, I'm going to fucking catch something. 0.99
00:22:52.000 So you can't fuck with them as much. 0.99
00:22:53.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:22:54.000 Because they won't leave you alone.
00:22:55.000 They're very aggressive.
00:22:56.000 There was a park in Florida where they raised crocodiles and alligators together.
00:23:02.000 And there's only crocodiles left.
00:23:04.000 It's really Italian.
00:23:06.000 When they were feeding them, the crocodiles were running over the heads of the alligators to get the food. 0.95
00:23:13.000 It was ridiculous. 1.00
00:23:14.000 You just looked at it and you went, whatever that thing is, fuck that thing. 1.00
00:23:18.000 The alligate is the fags of the crocodile alligator community. 1.00
00:23:22.000 Clearly.
00:23:25.000 Yeah, I lived in Florida.
00:23:26.000 I was around alligators all the time when I was a kid.
00:23:29.000 I lived there for a couple of years.
00:23:31.000 I have no problems with alligators as long as they don't bother me.
00:23:33.000 Lake Alice, but they would snatch dogs every now and then. 0.99
00:23:36.000 Someone would fuck up and walk their dog too close to the shore and they would snatch it. 1.00
00:23:40.000 It's scary shit when you hear about some little old lady and... 1.00
00:23:44.000 Her fucking dog gets yanked away from her. 1.00
00:23:47.000 Imagine what that is for her, her little buddy. 1.00
00:23:50.000 I've just moved into the hills. 1.00
00:23:51.000 You've probably got it around here as well, but people are telling us not to have a dog because fucking mountain lions will come and eat your dog. 0.99
00:23:56.000 Just in the Hollywood Hills. 1.00
00:23:58.000 It can happen.
00:23:59.000 It's rare.
00:24:00.000 It can happen.
00:24:02.000 More likely, if you have a small dog, it's coyotes.
00:24:05.000 Coyotes are dangerous.
00:24:06.000 They'll snatch dogs from people, too. 0.93
00:24:08.000 They've done that many times. 1.00
00:24:09.000 They're tricky fucks. 0.99
00:24:11.000 And they also will gang up on people. 0.99
00:24:14.000 Well, they haven't people.
00:24:15.000 A girl died last year in Toronto, or outside of Toronto, some artist.
00:24:20.000 She was-- I think it's Toronto.
00:24:22.000 Somewhere in Canada.
00:24:24.000 I thought it was Toronto.
00:24:25.000 It might not have been.
00:24:26.000 But it was somewhere in the woods.
00:24:27.000 She's going for a nature walk.
00:24:29.000 She was 19 years old, a singer.
00:24:30.000 Apparently she was a really good singer on a music contract. 0.99
00:24:33.000 She got jacked by a bunch of coyotes.
00:24:35.000 Was she good looking? 0.74
00:24:36.000 Yeah.
00:24:37.000 That's a shame.
00:24:38.000 Killed by dogs, basically. 0.96
00:24:40.000 Big, wild, crazy dogs. 0.74
00:24:42.000 My girlfriend just gave me a look when I made that joke. 1.00
00:24:44.000 She didn't like that joke.
00:24:45.000 Wow. 1.00
00:24:46.000 Because the implication was that ugly people should be allowed to die. 0.99
00:24:49.000 That's not pleasant. 0.98
00:24:52.000 No, that's not...
00:24:54.000 I'm not saying they should die.
00:24:55.000 I'm just saying that if you're going to save one out of the two.
00:24:58.000 Save the pretty one? 0.97
00:24:59.000 Yeah, of course.
00:25:00.000 Of course.
00:25:00.000 Do you ever do that before you go on planes?
00:25:02.000 Before I go on a plane, I sit there and I try to work out who I want to live and who I want to die when it crashes.
00:25:08.000 I sit there going, whose company am I most comfortable with in this group?
00:25:13.000 It's not always the pretty ones who live.
00:25:14.000 Sometimes it's just the person with the warm sort of look to them.
00:25:18.000 Yeah, I always think to myself...
00:25:19.000 So you just decide like some grand...
00:25:21.000 Just like Hitler. 0.96
00:25:22.000 I just sit there. 0.91
00:25:23.000 I just sit there going live, live, dead, dead, dead, dead, alive.
00:25:28.000 Like I wipe out whole families because I don't want anyone mourning or crying. 1.00
00:25:31.000 So if one of your family goes, you all fucking go. 0.99
00:25:34.000 That means every time you want one of the hot daughters, you have to get the whole family then, right? 0.99
00:25:40.000 Yeah, I suppose, yeah, keep a hot daughter because she'll need comforting. 0.99
00:25:44.000 And I always picture me, it's always going to be like on a snowcrest and hill or something, but I only really fly domestically across America.
00:25:50.000 It's not going to be that bad.
00:25:51.000 Did you see that Liam Neeson movie where they're in the plane?
00:25:54.000 I've heard it's great.
00:25:54.000 I haven't seen it, but I heard it's good.
00:25:56.000 The Grey.
00:25:57.000 Yeah, it's not bad, man.
00:25:59.000 It's unrealistic, because the wolves don't really behave like that, but it's pretty interesting when you hear about people that actually have been killed by wolves.
00:26:09.000 It's a lot more than I thought it was.
00:26:11.000 What do you mean?
00:26:12.000 Some chick got killed last year in Alaska by wolves, and I thought, wow, that's probably really rare.
00:26:16.000 I bet that's only happened like once in a hundred years.
00:26:19.000 No, no, it happened a lot.
00:26:21.000 It used to happen a lot.
00:26:23.000 People used to get killed by wolves.
00:26:24.000 It was like a total normal part of life.
00:26:26.000 There's all these documented cases of people killed by wolves.
00:26:29.000 That's why Peter and the Wolf was such an entertaining program back then.
00:26:32.000 Yeah.
00:26:33.000 The big bad wolf.
00:26:34.000 What is the big bad wolf?
00:26:35.000 Why is that, you know, why is, you know, he goes to grandma's house and there's a big bad wolf waiting? 0.99
00:26:41.000 Because wolves were fucking real, man. 0.98
00:26:43.000 Like, if people lived, especially in parts of Europe, you know, especially in Russia, like, they got wolf problems, man. 0.99
00:26:50.000 Wolves are scary.
00:26:52.000 They scare the shit out of them.
00:26:53.000 Any animal, really.
00:26:54.000 Yeah.
00:26:55.000 Any animal for sure, but wolves?
00:26:57.000 I get scared from bugs, man, sometimes.
00:26:59.000 They're just disgusting.
00:27:00.000 We talked about this yesterday.
00:27:01.000 I had scabies once.
00:27:03.000 That's gross. 0.62
00:27:04.000 That'll do your head in. 0.89
00:27:05.000 Scabies?
00:27:05.000 Oh my god.
00:27:06.000 I read about a dude from 1920, or wherever the fuck it was. 0.98
00:27:10.000 He was up in Canada trapping, and he killed four wolves by shooting them, and then like eight more by clubbing them to death with his rifle before a rifle butt broke, and then they killed him. 0.99
00:27:24.000 Wow. 0.99
00:27:25.000 Damn, are wolves scary? 0.99
00:27:29.000 Bears, though. 0.99
00:27:29.000 I've been more terrified of wolves. 0.99
00:27:32.000 I've still never seen a bear in the world.
00:27:34.000 I have.
00:27:34.000 I'd like to see that.
00:27:35.000 I've seen bears.
00:27:36.000 It's interesting.
00:27:37.000 I want that as a ringtone.
00:27:38.000 It's a weird feeling.
00:27:39.000 What do you want as a ringtone?
00:27:40.000 You need to sell that as a ringtone.
00:27:42.000 Scary!
00:27:43.000 You sell that for a dollar.
00:27:45.000 You just made 50 million dollars.
00:27:47.000 No, not that much.
00:27:48.000 I bet I'd make 20 bucks, though. 0.64
00:27:50.000 Yeah, wolves scare the shit out of me.
00:27:52.000 That's real.
00:27:53.000 Whatever.
00:27:55.000 How is that possible that I created whatever? 0.97
00:27:59.000 Tom Herrera was crazy. 0.51
00:28:00.000 That's the Xanax. 0.99
00:28:01.000 Whatever.
00:28:01.000 Wolves are scary.
00:28:03.000 That's the ringtone.
00:28:05.000 It's the dubstep remix of whatever.
00:28:08.000 Wolves are scary.
00:28:09.000 That's awesome.
00:28:13.000 Powerful Jim Jeffries.
00:28:14.000 Powerful?
00:28:15.000 That's what you text me.
00:28:16.000 Is this a new thing?
00:28:16.000 Powerful?
00:28:17.000 Powerful's been around for years.
00:28:19.000 No, but if you say powerful, is this what Americans say?
00:28:22.000 Powerful?
00:28:22.000 I've been saying it for years, and Bert Kreischer says it, and Duncan Trussell says it.
00:28:26.000 Everybody says it.
00:28:27.000 There's a poster over there that says powerful on it.
00:28:29.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:28:30.000 You know what?
00:28:32.000 My friend Larry used to say it.
00:28:34.000 I'm going to say pretty strong.
00:28:35.000 I ganked it from my friend Larry.
00:28:37.000 Larry used to say it.
00:28:38.000 It was his. 0.89
00:28:39.000 He would say powerful, and he would do a head slap. 0.96
00:28:42.000 Powerful? 0.98
00:28:42.000 Oh yeah. 0.98
00:28:43.000 Yeah, remember Larry?
00:28:44.000 Was that Larry from the Three Stooges?
00:28:46.000 No, no, no, no.
00:28:47.000 All my zits on my forehead.
00:28:48.000 He would be like...
00:28:49.000 Like all this...
00:28:50.000 Too much information's coming in.
00:28:51.000 I auditioned for that Three Stooges movie, man.
00:28:53.000 Oh, did you really? 1.00
00:28:54.000 Oh, fuck. 1.00
00:28:55.000 One of the stupidest... 1.00
00:28:55.000 The guy who went in before me was the guy who got it. 1.00
00:28:58.000 Oh.
00:28:59.000 But to play Mo.
00:29:01.000 And everyone else was in the waiting room, in outfits, like really putting effort in.
00:29:06.000 And I hadn't put a lot of effort in.
00:29:08.000 And it was like you had to do one of those slapping...
00:29:10.000 type of scenes.
00:29:12.000 Oh, no!
00:29:13.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:29:14.000 All by yourself.
00:29:15.000 Oh, no!
00:29:16.000 And there was no one there to slap.
00:29:18.000 And it was one of those things where, like, you know, like...
00:29:22.000 They never tell you that you've done badly, but also they don't tell you your agent, they go, oh, he was okay, but we're going a different way because they don't want to have that conversation with the needy agent either.
00:29:32.000 But they told my agent that I was woeful, that I was really, really bad.
00:29:36.000 You were woeful?
00:29:37.000 I know I was.
00:29:38.000 Did you ever use that word, woeful?
00:29:39.000 No.
00:29:40.000 That might be my phrasing there, but I was pretty bad.
00:29:44.000 If you don't have anyone to slap though, does it look like you're just shooing butterflies or something?
00:29:47.000 I was doing a little bit of like where you act like you're slapping at your hand and then like doing the poking thing.
00:29:54.000 Without doing the poke?
00:29:55.000 With no one with me.
00:29:58.000 That's not right.
00:29:59.000 I watched like two Stooges films that afternoon just to get me in the mood.
00:30:04.000 I was only meant to watch one, but I kind of enjoyed it, so I watched another one.
00:30:08.000 You know what you should have done? 0.98
00:30:08.000 You should have come in the audition wearing a complete green suit, one of those green screen suits and the little balls all over you. 0.98
00:30:14.000 How could they expect you to do that kind of improvisation with no person there?
00:30:21.000 Well, the guy who got it was the same guy who played Robin Williams in a bio TV show about him, like a NBC midday movie type of thing, right?
00:30:30.000 Oh, so he's like a good impressionist.
00:30:31.000 He must be a good impressionist, that's all I can tell.
00:30:33.000 But he had the wig and everything, and he was in the waiting room.
00:30:37.000 He was all ready for it.
00:30:39.000 How weird is it that they're bringing back the Three Stooges, man?
00:30:43.000 That's officially out of ideas.
00:30:44.000 If they bring back Abbott and Costello...
00:30:46.000 Snooki's in the preview.
00:30:48.000 They brought back Abbott and Costello, man.
00:30:52.000 Really?
00:30:52.000 How could you do that?
00:30:53.000 Those were two actual people.
00:30:56.000 So were the Three Stooges, except they kept on replacing Moe with the other one, Shem or Shelp or whatever he says.
00:31:01.000 Yeah, but I always felt like they were characters.
00:31:04.000 Shelp was a Shelp. 1.00
00:31:05.000 I always felt like, like, Abaddon and Stella were saying their name.
00:31:10.000 You might as well bring...
00:31:11.000 His name really wasn't Shemp.
00:31:12.000 That guy's name really wasn't Curly.
00:31:14.000 Yeah, you're never going to bring back Lewis and Martin.
00:31:16.000 Yeah, exactly.
00:31:17.000 That's exactly what I'm saying.
00:31:18.000 It seems like the characters, you could bring back the character Curly and have another guy play it, maybe, and get away with it.
00:31:27.000 There was another...
00:31:29.000 Stooges pick, wasn't there, where they had the guy from The Shield playing.
00:31:33.000 Oh, God.
00:31:34.000 Michael Chiklis played it.
00:31:36.000 And it was a mini-series, a three-day mini-series, and it was produced by Mel Gibson because he's a big Stooges guy.
00:31:45.000 That was a great show, The Shield.
00:31:47.000 That was one of my favorite cop shows, man.
00:31:49.000 Oh, yeah.
00:31:50.000 It was probably the most realistic cop show ever.
00:31:53.000 I saw...
00:31:55.000 This is how realistic it was.
00:31:56.000 I saw the...
00:31:56.000 Remember the guy that had the real sort of weird bug eyes who was the one who killed his wife and the kid at the end?
00:32:03.000 He was the main character. 1.00
00:32:04.000 He was his best mate who kept fucking up and fucking up and fucking up. 1.00
00:32:07.000 But he was a bit of a psychopath who'd just kill people. 1.00
00:32:09.000 Yeah. 0.74
00:32:10.000 I saw him at Whole Foods like four days ago, and I got a little bit, a little chill, like I went, oh, I've been like, go hear me.
00:32:16.000 Like I actually had that, oh, I wonder what he's in here for. 0.72
00:32:19.000 He's probably going to kill someone. 1.00
00:32:20.000 That'll suck. 0.99
00:32:21.000 Well, he was a perfect guy for that role, too. 1.00
00:32:23.000 I mean, he looked like that guy, like a dangerous, thick-looking, crazy fuck cop that would shoot you and make up a story about it and pass a lie detector test. 1.00
00:32:32.000 Mm-hmm. 1.00
00:32:33.000 It was good, man. 1.00
00:32:34.000 That was a good fucking show. 0.99
00:32:36.000 It really is weird, though, seeing people that you see on TV in real life, though. 0.99
00:32:40.000 I saw the guy from Lost the other day at the Ding Dong show.
00:32:44.000 The guy that was also in Lord of the Rings.
00:32:46.000 The Irish guy.
00:32:47.000 The Irish guy that died.
00:32:48.000 I'm just sitting there going, dude, he died. 0.65
00:32:51.000 He's a ghost.
00:32:53.000 Charlie's here.
00:32:54.000 Charlie's at the Comedy Store. 1.00
00:32:56.000 You silly bitch. 1.00
00:32:56.000 Yeah, because they all died. 1.00
00:32:58.000 Didn't you watch the last episode?
00:32:59.000 They were all dead.
00:33:01.000 I loved his story arc, though.
00:33:04.000 That was a cool story arc.
00:33:06.000 Him being in that band, getting hooked on Smack.
00:33:09.000 It was fun.
00:33:10.000 Yeah, that was a cool story arc.
00:33:10.000 It was a good storyline.
00:33:12.000 And he started banging that bird who was the lead out of it.
00:33:14.000 That was pretty good for him, in real life, because he was a hobbit before that.
00:33:19.000 And that's a big leap.
00:33:21.000 What's your name, Lily?
00:33:23.000 Lily. 0.99
00:33:24.000 That girl is fucking pretty. 1.00
00:33:27.000 Woo! 0.99
00:33:27.000 I was a Kate guy. 0.99
00:33:28.000 I liked the Kate girl. 0.99
00:33:30.000 Oh, Kate's fucking pretty, too. 0.99
00:33:32.000 She got her teeth fixed. 1.00
00:33:33.000 What's wrong with her teeth? 1.00
00:33:34.000 I don't know.
00:33:34.000 She had a little gap in them.
00:33:36.000 I like a little gap.
00:33:37.000 Leave that gap.
00:33:38.000 That gap is pretty, girl.
00:33:39.000 Let me kiss that gap.
00:33:41.000 Don't worry about that gap.
00:33:42.000 I'm trying to think of hot gap.
00:33:44.000 Hot gapped women throughout the world. 1.00
00:33:45.000 They're all hot, man.
00:33:45.000 I like a little gap.
00:33:47.000 I like it.
00:33:48.000 Yeah, who's some hot gapped women? 1.00
00:33:50.000 Madonna in a day was a hot gapped woman. 1.00
00:33:52.000 I find...
00:33:53.000 Bella Donna?
00:33:53.000 Hot chicks with flaws are the best.
00:33:57.000 Hot, but with like one little nagging weird thing. 0.97
00:34:00.000 She's like a web thief. 1.00
00:34:03.000 If you had webbed feet...
00:34:04.000 When you say one nagging thing, you don't want to just be like missing a tick.
00:34:08.000 You want it to be... 0.99
00:34:09.000 If you had webbed feet, would you separate that shit or would you just go Aquaman? 1.00
00:34:13.000 I would take pity. 0.99
00:34:15.000 I would show it to people.
00:34:16.000 If it was just like one webbed toe, like a big toe to the next one, just on one foot, I would rock it out.
00:34:21.000 What is that?
00:34:22.000 What is the webbed feet about?
00:34:23.000 I don't know, but what's the percentage of the...
00:34:25.000 The feet are webbed in the womb, and it's the last thing that happens to the body, isn't it?
00:34:31.000 The toes separate and the hands separate.
00:34:33.000 And I think it's just that last little bit didn't happen.
00:34:36.000 That's interesting.
00:34:37.000 What's the percentage of the small toe being retarded? 0.99
00:34:39.000 Because I have, you know, both of my pinkies are...
00:34:42.000 It's pretty much retarded. 1.00
00:34:43.000 Like, there's something wrong with it. 0.87
00:34:45.000 My little toe, you know? 0.93
00:34:46.000 Well, everyone's little toe is useless. 0.95
00:34:48.000 Mine's crooked and looks like a pigtail, and then, like, the nail doesn't really grow too much on it.
00:34:53.000 I would tell you, let me see, but, you know, you told me that you slept in those, so I'm going to say no.
00:34:57.000 I'll have a look at it.
00:34:58.000 Give me your little toe. 1.00
00:35:01.000 I always find it weird when you see those girls who keep this, because I don't keep my toenails that well-clipped, I imagine.
00:35:06.000 I do a fair job, but nothing remarkable.
00:35:10.000 But when you see that girl that's clipped the nail so much, she just has that little toenail that's not like it's a slither, like a millimeter. 0.98
00:35:16.000 That's what mine is.
00:35:17.000 Yours is.
00:35:17.000 And then the girl still bothers to paint it.
00:35:20.000 That's so gross.
00:35:21.000 She still paints that little bit just over the top. 0.99
00:35:24.000 It's like when you see a girl put red lipstick on and she smears it a little or something. 0.92
00:35:28.000 That is kind of weird, that little phantom last toenail.
00:35:32.000 So you don't have the nail, you just have the sliver?
00:35:34.000 I have the sliver, sometimes it doesn't even grow.
00:35:36.000 Do you ever think of just taking it off and just being done with it?
00:35:38.000 Yeah.
00:35:39.000 What's the use of it?
00:35:40.000 What's the use of any of your toenails? 0.99
00:35:41.000 What the fuck is up with these nails, man? 0.99
00:35:42.000 That's the weird thing. 0.99
00:35:44.000 I know.
00:35:44.000 These things that grow.
00:35:45.000 Well, hand nails are useless, right?
00:35:48.000 Yeah, they're useful.
00:35:50.000 They're good for clogging, but they're so weak.
00:35:52.000 We just don't know how to use them yet. 1.00
00:35:53.000 But your toenails, useless fuckers, and they're stronger than the hand ones. 1.00
00:35:56.000 Do you think that cavemen had much stronger fingernails? 1.00
00:35:59.000 Sure.
00:36:00.000 If you were jacking things with your nails all the time, would they get thicker?
00:36:03.000 Would they grow muscle?
00:36:04.000 Yeah, of course.
00:36:04.000 No, if you grow them long, they get real thick in the back.
00:36:06.000 When you look at these Guinness Book of Records stuff, they can't cut them because once they get so long, it joins their blood flow and shit. 0.98
00:36:12.000 Whoa, daddy, what? 0.95
00:36:14.000 When they start curling and stuff.
00:36:16.000 Hold up, son.
00:36:17.000 It joins your blood flow.
00:36:19.000 Yeah, I'm talking when they get like...
00:36:21.000 Yeah.
00:36:21.000 Then they get it there and they start curling and curling.
00:36:24.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:36:24.000 They reckon these people have to have special surgery because they can't just cut them at the base.
00:36:28.000 Oh my God.
00:36:29.000 Because that's become an extension of you. 1.00
00:36:31.000 Jesus fucking Christ, you're a tree. 1.00
00:36:34.000 Yeah, yeah. 1.00
00:36:34.000 You're a goddamn nail tree. 1.00
00:36:36.000 Wow! 1.00
00:36:37.000 That's supposed to turn into your trans... 1.00
00:36:39.000 What if that was supposed to do that for a reason?
00:36:42.000 Like it was supposed to grow up that big and it's supposed to turn into like a time machine.
00:36:45.000 That's always the theory of evolution.
00:36:48.000 It's like whenever something new is on the human body, we cut it out.
00:36:51.000 We go, we don't know what this is, we're cutting it out.
00:36:53.000 What if this person is just the most evolved person and like an iPod's growing out of their arm or something?
00:36:59.000 What if he cut his nails off and then he has like the phantom nail itch?
00:37:03.000 He feels them touching things.
00:37:05.000 They're not there anymore.
00:37:07.000 It feels like, you know, he amputated his hand.
00:37:11.000 That guy had like nerve damage because of that.
00:37:13.000 The guy in the Guinness Book of World Records.
00:37:15.000 There's a whole lot of them that are into it, yeah.
00:37:17.000 Jesus Christ! 1.00
00:37:18.000 You go to India, you see a lot of shit like that. 1.00
00:37:21.000 Just India is weird, man. 1.00
00:37:22.000 India is weird? 0.54
00:37:23.000 India is just a weird place. 1.00
00:37:25.000 There's a lot of people, right?
00:37:26.000 So anytime you get a lot of people, you've got a billion people.
00:37:28.000 Think how many weird people in America with 330 million.
00:37:31.000 Go to India, you've got a billion.
00:37:32.000 It's a lot more weirdness that can carry on.
00:37:35.000 Yeah, I would imagine. 1.00
00:37:36.000 That's why I always think that America gets a bad rap because Australians and British are always going on about how idiotic Americans are. 1.00
00:37:43.000 It's just that you get to publicize yours more. 1.00
00:37:45.000 Americans aren't any more stupid than the British or Australian. 1.00
00:37:49.000 Yeah, well, there's stupid people all over the world. 1.00
00:37:51.000 All over the world, but you have more of them because you just, per capita, you have more of them. 1.00
00:37:56.000 It might be that, but it also might be, this is a country that's lived in prosperity for so long.
00:38:03.000 There's a lot of soft-minded folks.
00:38:07.000 They haven't had to question the way things are really running.
00:38:10.000 They haven't had to investigate things.
00:38:11.000 They've sort of sat back and let everything sort of happen.
00:38:15.000 It wasn't until recently, I think, that people are finally starting to realize that you really can't do that.
00:38:21.000 You can't just trust the government because they can't be trusted.
00:38:24.000 They run amok.
00:38:26.000 There's a lot of people, though, that haven't done that yet.
00:38:28.000 Don't they reckon that only 40% of all Americans have passports, though?
00:38:32.000 That's the one that I always find upsetting.
00:38:34.000 It's incredible.
00:38:36.000 Australians would be at least 90% of my passports because it's an isolated country.
00:38:41.000 There's a bit of you that goes, well, maybe that's because in America you can go to Disneyland.
00:38:46.000 It's already there. 1.00
00:38:48.000 We're all coming on holidays over to see your shit. 1.00
00:38:52.000 You've already got all your shit and it's very nice. 1.00
00:38:54.000 Yeah, I don't know. 1.00
00:38:55.000 This is a strange country, man.
00:38:58.000 They're all strange.
00:38:59.000 George Bush didn't have a passport until he was president.
00:39:02.000 That's amazing, isn't it?
00:39:03.000 Yeah.
00:39:04.000 What was he, like 50?
00:39:06.000 Yeah. 0.99
00:39:07.000 Never had a fucking passport and he's the most powerful man in the world and never traveled? 0.99
00:39:13.000 He just traveled under different names. 0.99
00:39:15.000 He's a fascinating dude. 0.99
00:39:17.000 I would love to drink with George Bush and just find out what the fuck he really thinks about things. 0.98
00:39:23.000 Could you imagine? 0.99
00:39:24.000 I have a friend who, and I can't say his name because he's a fairly famous actor.
00:39:29.000 Well, I have a friend who shagged one of his girls. 1.00
00:39:33.000 Dude, you just opened up a can of shit. 1.00
00:39:37.000 You just opened up a can of shit. 1.00
00:39:38.000 They're going to find you and they're going to waterboard your ass until you give up that dude. 1.00
00:39:44.000 We're already dead. 1.00
00:39:45.000 For real, man.
00:39:46.000 You can't just come on our show and do that. 1.00
00:39:48.000 We talk a lot of shit. 1.00
00:39:49.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:39:50.000 We know that people have fucked these daughters, of course. 1.00
00:39:53.000 No way, dude. 0.99
00:39:54.000 That's not what I heard.
00:39:55.000 I just want to know if he's ticklish.
00:39:57.000 If he's George W? I bet he is.
00:39:59.000 What do you think actually happened to him when he had that black eye and he said he ate a pretzel and choked and blacked out and fell down?
00:40:05.000 I believe exactly that's what happened.
00:40:07.000 I can see him eating a pretzel and freaking out and tripping him. 1.00
00:40:09.000 I think that's what happened as well because he would make up a less idiotic life. 1.00
00:40:12.000 I think his dad put a fucking leather glove on and beat his ass off. 1.00
00:40:20.000 While he was eating a pretzel. 1.00
00:40:21.000 Yeah, maybe he started talking some shit like, well, who's the president now? 0.99
00:40:24.000 Is it me or you? 0.99
00:40:25.000 It used to be you, right?
00:40:26.000 Yeah, but it's me now, right?
00:40:28.000 Yeah, okay, cool.
00:40:29.000 I just want to know.
00:40:29.000 I'm the president, right?
00:40:30.000 You did one term, right?
00:40:31.000 Yeah, I'm on my second. 1.00
00:40:32.000 Yeah, and this motherfucker just put on a leather glove. 1.00
00:40:35.000 Tickled him. 1.00
00:40:36.000 And Herbert Walker...
00:40:39.000 George Sr. was the head of the CIA. That dude was no joke.
00:40:43.000 He probably interrogated him.
00:40:46.000 So he had to say he fell on a present.
00:40:48.000 So did you like either of them?
00:40:49.000 Or did both of them?
00:40:51.000 Do I like?
00:40:52.000 Did you like them?
00:40:53.000 Were they good guys in your mind?
00:40:55.000 Well, not based on anything they ever did with the world.
00:40:58.000 I mean, I don't know them personally.
00:41:00.000 I think George Bush Jr. would be a cool guy to hang out with.
00:41:03.000 He just seems like he's a bit of a laugh.
00:41:05.000 I bet if you could really pick that guy's brain, if you were given access to his memory banks, I bet it would be quite fascinating. 0.96
00:41:15.000 Because I bet that's a guy who's just a puppet, just a fucking happy guy, who's a guy part of a big influential family. 0.97
00:41:25.000 I think they just told him what to say and he went out and said it. 0.98
00:41:29.000 That's what it looks like to me.
00:41:31.000 Imagine!
00:41:32.000 Could you imagine?
00:41:32.000 What's he doing now?
00:41:34.000 Because you see Clinton all the time.
00:41:35.000 Clinton's always doing stuff.
00:41:36.000 George hasn't done nothing since he's left.
00:41:38.000 He's probably watching us on the...
00:41:40.000 Well, Dick Cheney just got a new heart, you know?
00:41:41.000 They just gave him a new heart.
00:41:42.000 Ah, like the Tin Man.
00:41:44.000 Yeah, man.
00:41:45.000 He got a heart transplant.
00:41:47.000 Apparently, before that, he had a machine hooked up, like some sort of a pump in his body, so he didn't have a pulse.
00:41:53.000 No, no, it was more complicated.
00:41:55.000 Whatever it did, he didn't have a pulse anymore.
00:41:57.000 This thing sort of helped him pump the blood.
00:42:00.000 And like, if you try to do his pulse, he would have no pulse, but he was alive.
00:42:05.000 Yeah, but wouldn't you still have a pulse?
00:42:09.000 No, apparently not.
00:42:10.000 Because it wasn't pumping in a pulsing way, it was just pumping in a stream?
00:42:14.000 You know what I'm saying by that?
00:42:16.000 It wasn't going through, it was just flowing.
00:42:17.000 Exactly. 1.00
00:42:18.000 I think that's what I would guess, but being an idiot and know nothing about medical science. 0.99
00:42:24.000 I like to think that it's one of those things that I use at a fireplace. 0.99
00:42:26.000 A bellows?
00:42:27.000 A bellow.
00:42:28.000 I like it's one of those things that you siphon petrol with.
00:42:34.000 I guess that the pump though is the actual heart muscle working you know the pump is the actual heart muscle pushing it out if the heart muscles not working and this pump is doing so is it an artificial heart is that what it is whatever the fuck it was he didn't have a pulse because of this thing and then they opened him up Hearts are weird. 1.00
00:42:54.000 Fuck yeah. 0.99
00:42:54.000 I don't know how they've become synonymous with love. 0.99
00:42:57.000 They're the grossest fucking things. 1.00
00:43:00.000 Well, there's a reason for it. 0.99
00:43:02.000 And the reason they recently discovered, and this is just, I think, within the last couple of years, that there's at least as many neurons in the heart as there are in the brain.
00:43:13.000 Right.
00:43:14.000 Something along those lines.
00:43:15.000 You're talking about a theory about where someone gets a heart transplant.
00:43:19.000 I've heard these stories before. 0.98
00:43:20.000 Someone gets a heart transplant and then all of a sudden they can speak fucking French? 0.99
00:43:23.000 No, that's... 1.00
00:43:23.000 And we give too much credit to the brain and the other organs can do shit? 1.00
00:43:26.000 Well, that's, you know, I don't know if that's real or not. 0.72
00:43:28.000 I don't know if anybody's ever come back from a...
00:43:30.000 I don't think it is.
00:43:30.000 An organ transplant and given a depiction of the person's life.
00:43:34.000 But if you were going to do it from any organ transplant, I would say the heart's not a bad candidate because of all the neurons in it. 0.99
00:43:41.000 See, they don't know where the fuck your memory comes from. 0.95
00:43:44.000 Memory is a mystery because every cell in your body is replaced every seven years. 0.99
00:43:49.000 Your cells all get replaced.
00:43:50.000 Like, there's a new you every seven years.
00:43:51.000 I thought they knew the space that it's stored, or you're saying...
00:43:54.000 Those cells, those brain cells, they regenerate.
00:43:57.000 All of them.
00:43:58.000 What doesn't though is neurons.
00:44:00.000 Neurons apparently you keep for life.
00:44:03.000 They know like what part of the brain hurts, like if you hurt part of the brain, they know like where memory is stored based on people getting injuries to specific locations of the brain, like how their brain, you know, how they, you know, like they know, like fun of lobotomies.
00:44:18.000 You know, they figured that out.
00:44:20.000 They knew like where they could do something to zombie you out.
00:44:22.000 They found the right spot. 0.99
00:44:23.000 Where the dude, by the way, won the fucking Nobel Prize. 0.99
00:44:26.000 The guy who made lobotomies won a Nobel Prize. 0.99
00:44:29.000 Like they thought he was awesome.
00:44:30.000 Like dude, way to go.
00:44:32.000 Hitler was Times Man of the Year. 0.98
00:44:33.000 You silence these retards. 1.00
00:44:35.000 You fucking drill a hole in their head and scoop out their brains. 1.00
00:44:37.000 I always liked shock therapy. 1.00
00:44:39.000 Yeah, that's pretty crazy. 1.00
00:44:40.000 Yeah, when you ever see that fucking book. 0.99
00:44:42.000 I had a very close relative go through that when they were younger. 1.00
00:44:46.000 Really?
00:44:47.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:44:47.000 What the fuck? 1.00
00:44:48.000 The right down on the rubber stick and the fucking... 1.00
00:44:52.000 We're going to fucking... 1.00
00:44:53.000 Oh my God. 1.00
00:44:54.000 Like this whole idea that we're going to kill the psycho out of you with electric... 1.00
00:44:58.000 Oh my God. 0.98
00:44:59.000 And that was happening right up until the 80s in Australia, shock therapy.
00:45:03.000 Oh my God.
00:45:04.000 And that's, like, so close to when they're, like, bleeding and using leeches in medicine, like, to go, oh, yeah, we'll just electrocute people.
00:45:13.000 Well, electricity seems so cool and so powerful. 0.99
00:45:16.000 It's like, well, let's just hook them up to that shit, see if it fixes them. 1.00
00:45:19.000 Yeah, this guy's schizophrenic. 1.00
00:45:21.000 This'll help. 0.99
00:45:22.000 Could you imagine what that must fucking feel like? 0.97
00:45:25.000 And fighting it because you're already a bit mental and then the nurse is holding you down. 0.98
00:45:29.000 Oh my god.
00:45:30.000 When you think about doing this, how did it start off?
00:45:33.000 Did they do it on mice first?
00:45:34.000 And then we're like, wow, that mouse is crazy.
00:45:36.000 And then they shock it.
00:45:37.000 It's like, oh, it's not moving around much anymore.
00:45:40.000 That one's a lot more docile.
00:45:43.000 She blinded me with...
00:45:45.000 That's funny.
00:45:47.000 Yeah, how did they figure that out? 1.00
00:45:48.000 Some crazy asshole. 1.00
00:45:50.000 They started on humans? 1.00
00:45:51.000 It just doesn't seem right. 1.00
00:45:51.000 Like the same Nobel Prize winning asshole scrambling people's fucking brains. 1.00
00:45:55.000 But when we look back, because bleeding has got to be the most stupid of them all, right? 1.00
00:45:59.000 When you're really sick, they cut all your blood out and dripped it into bowls because they thought they were getting... 0.99
00:46:03.000 When you needed your blood more than ever, right?
00:46:05.000 God, yeah.
00:46:06.000 Are we going to, in 50 years, go...
00:46:10.000 They used to give these kids that couldn't breathe these little puffers that made it worse and gave them... 0.99
00:46:17.000 You know, is there going to be things from now? 0.97
00:46:20.000 What are you going to look back at and go, that was fucking madness? 0.98
00:46:23.000 Well, chemotherapy seemed like madness. 0.99
00:46:24.000 You know what will seem like madness?
00:46:26.000 Prescription drug abuse.
00:46:28.000 When they find out how many different people are hooked on all sorts of different painkillers.
00:46:32.000 See, that's a real American thing.
00:46:34.000 In Britain, it's where I've taken most of my drugs.
00:46:37.000 I never knew what an Oxycontin was until a couple of years ago.
00:46:41.000 Maybe your government is better at filtering the stuff.
00:46:44.000 You have socialized medicine.
00:46:46.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:46:46.000 That's the difference right there.
00:46:47.000 It's probably not as easy to get.
00:46:49.000 See, in America, it's real easy to get that stuff.
00:46:52.000 All you have to do is be injured.
00:46:54.000 Pharmaceutical drugs are, you know, really, you know, they've helped a lot of people.
00:46:57.000 A lot of people have benefited, for sure, from discoveries that, you know, have kept people alive that would have been dead.
00:47:05.000 A lot of, like, really cool things have been discovered.
00:47:08.000 But there's also a lot of money in pharmaceutical drugs.
00:47:11.000 Sure.
00:47:12.000 And whenever there's a lot of money in something, and that something just happens to be addictive, then...
00:47:16.000 The money starts pouring in.
00:47:17.000 Well, they get addicted to that money. 0.99
00:47:19.000 You can't tell a pharmaceutical company that loses 8-10,000 people a year to whatever the fuck they're selling. 0.98
00:47:26.000 You can't tell them that you can't sell that stuff anymore. 0.98
00:47:30.000 You've got to stop.
00:47:31.000 Everyone in America has this little thing.
00:47:33.000 We obviously, with our jobs, fly a lot. 0.98
00:47:35.000 And whenever I get on a plane, like I speak to my management or agents or something, I go, fuck it, I want to do this flight, I can't sleep on planes. 0.99
00:47:42.000 They always just, just take a Xanax. 0.99
00:47:44.000 Easy, just take a Xanax.
00:47:45.000 And they say it so blasé.
00:47:47.000 You're like, no, it's...
00:47:49.000 And then you think, this is what these people are doing just when they're home in bed and they're tossing and turning a little bit. 0.91
00:47:55.000 Sometimes it's just fucking hard to go to sleep. 0.88
00:47:58.000 Right? 0.98
00:47:58.000 Yeah. 0.98
00:47:59.000 I had Xanax this week.
00:48:01.000 Yeah, Xanax.
00:48:02.000 Don Marrero went off about Xanax.
00:48:04.000 He's been taking it for like four or five years.
00:48:06.000 Yeah.
00:48:07.000 And he likes it?
00:48:09.000 I don't think so.
00:48:10.000 Didn't sound like he liked it.
00:48:11.000 Sounded like he needed it.
00:48:13.000 Sounded like he enjoyed it.
00:48:14.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:48:15.000 I don't think he likes it.
00:48:16.000 Yeah.
00:48:16.000 You know what I mean?
00:48:17.000 Yeah, no, I get completely what you're saying.
00:48:19.000 Yeah.
00:48:19.000 There's a lot of people on that stuff, though.
00:48:22.000 Hmm.
00:48:22.000 It's real common.
00:48:23.000 You know, it's strange.
00:48:24.000 Well, that's how Heath Ledger and all that.
00:48:25.000 I reckon Heath Ledger never was a recreational drug taker at all.
00:48:29.000 Really?
00:48:30.000 But he just got really into like, I knew my sleep, I knew my sleep.
00:48:33.000 Well, there's a lot of people... 0.99
00:48:34.000 Working on sets, long fucking days. 0.99
00:48:36.000 Yeah, there's a lot of people that... 0.99
00:48:37.000 Yeah, those movie star dudes.
00:48:39.000 It seems like an easy life, but when you're on a set, you might have to work 16 hours in a day.
00:48:44.000 And you have to put out all that energy.
00:48:46.000 A lot of them get sick.
00:48:47.000 A lot of them need B12 shots.
00:48:49.000 It's not easy, man.
00:48:51.000 Especially when you're...
00:48:52.000 Acting at that level.
00:48:53.000 You know? 1.00
00:48:54.000 That guy was a bad motherfucker. 1.00
00:48:56.000 He was a good actor. 1.00
00:48:57.000 Made out with a dude.
00:48:59.000 Yeah, well...
00:49:00.000 Strong.
00:49:01.000 They went at it strong.
00:49:03.000 Spit in the hand.
00:49:04.000 Have you seen Life's Too Short yet?
00:49:06.000 Did I see what?
00:49:07.000 Life's Too Short, the new Ricky Gervais TV show?
00:49:11.000 No.
00:49:11.000 Just a show about dwarves.
00:49:12.000 It's funny.
00:49:13.000 It's a sitcom about dwarves on HBO, but if you haven't seen it, I won't reference it.
00:49:17.000 Basically, they make a whole lot of dwarves go through...
00:49:21.000 Famous scenes in movie history and there's a broke back mountain which is just funny to watch with two English dwarfs going, I'm definitely gay. 1.00
00:49:29.000 Oh, my word, I'm enjoying this.
00:49:33.000 But if you haven't seen it, I'm not going to talk about it.
00:49:35.000 I haven't seen it.
00:49:37.000 It's on at the moment.
00:49:38.000 It's great.
00:49:38.000 It's very good.
00:49:39.000 What was that video you were showing me earlier from the Bone Zone of those dudes kissing each other?
00:49:44.000 How did people find that?
00:49:45.000 Oh, yeah.
00:49:46.000 If you go on YouTube, it's Randy Lidke and Davey Johnson.
00:49:51.000 And the video is called An Intimate Moment on the Bone Zone.
00:49:55.000 And that's just from one of the podcasts we do at Death Squad.
00:49:58.000 Yeah, Brendan Walsh, who is, I think he's in, where is he at?
00:50:02.000 Somewhere, Seattle or something this week?
00:50:04.000 Yeah, he's somewhere. 1.00
00:50:05.000 Vancouver, some shit. 1.00
00:50:07.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00
00:50:08.000 Because he asked me to tweet it.
00:50:09.000 But he's got a podcast on DeskWad, and it's called The Bone Zone. 0.98
00:50:14.000 He's a fucking funny dude. 0.51
00:50:16.000 So anything he's doing. 0.97
00:50:17.000 Yeah, so there's like kissing, two guys kiss in every episode.
00:50:21.000 And so we, it's really funny, though.
00:50:24.000 They're really funny guys.
00:50:26.000 Seattle.
00:50:26.000 Yeah, so Seattle, folks.
00:50:28.000 He's in Vancouver tonight and tomorrow, too.
00:50:32.000 So look on brendanwalsh.com.
00:50:35.000 There you go, Brendan. 1.00
00:50:36.000 I gave you a plug, you fuck. 1.00
00:50:38.000 Check this out. 1.00
00:50:40.000 Don Barris has been locked out of his own Facebook account for four days.
00:50:46.000 A hacker...
00:50:48.000 But we were just saying some nice things about Brendan Walsh.
00:50:50.000 Why have to go negative?
00:50:51.000 Oh, I just...
00:50:51.000 No, no.
00:50:52.000 So what is a hacker going on?
00:50:54.000 To get people to go out and see Brendan Walsh.
00:50:56.000 Brendan Walsh is hilarious, isn't he?
00:50:57.000 Yeah.
00:50:58.000 Brian, shouldn't people go see him?
00:50:59.000 Yeah.
00:50:59.000 I thought we were past that.
00:51:00.000 I don't really know him, but he sounds very funny. 0.97
00:51:03.000 But somebody took his fucking Facebook account and changed all his email and stuff, and now he can't get back into it, and Facebook won't help him at all. 0.99
00:51:11.000 So now there's just somebody looking at all his shit, looking at all his photos. 1.00
00:51:14.000 Does he have an ex-girlfriend that hates him? 1.00
00:51:16.000 No, somebody hacked his shit. 1.00
00:51:18.000 Everyone's got one of those. 1.00
00:51:20.000 Does he have enemies? 1.00
00:51:24.000 You know all that shit he does with Scary Perry and all that shit like that. 1.00
00:51:31.000 There might be people that are against that or something. 0.99
00:51:33.000 Yeah, if you don't know, they did a movie.
00:51:35.000 What is the name of that movie?
00:51:36.000 Windy City Heat.
00:51:37.000 Oh, I love this movie.
00:51:39.000 Yeah, I love that film.
00:51:41.000 Don Barris is a part of that. 1.00
00:51:42.000 It does get cruel at moments, and then you just have to remember that that guy's a bit of an asshole. 1.00
00:51:48.000 Yeah, he's a weird guy to be around, that's for sure. 1.00
00:51:51.000 But, I mean, wow, they took it deep.
00:51:53.000 I mean, they made a movie about this guy being famous, and he really believed it.
00:51:58.000 I mean, to me, that's like, a part of that is like, you're picking on mental illness.
00:52:02.000 It's clearly this guy, there's a disconnect between this guy and reality.
00:52:06.000 Like, it's funny, sorta, but man, you're talking about, like, the ultimate, the joke's on you. 0.73
00:52:12.000 That's like, they're picking on a crazy person.
00:52:14.000 Yeah, but one thing that's different than that argument is that the crazy people all want to be comics or actors, so they know what they're doing.
00:52:22.000 Well, so that's the other thing.
00:52:23.000 We've done Opie and Anthony together a fair bit, right?
00:52:26.000 Yeah, sure.
00:52:26.000 And every time I do it, one of their, I wouldn't say retards, one of their crazies that are on the show, Sometimes I go home feeling a little bit down about it and then I remember that they love it.
00:52:40.000 That's their lives.
00:52:41.000 They've got a level of fame.
00:52:42.000 They go to these conventions or whatever and they get a big round of applauses and for them it's very exciting. 0.96
00:52:51.000 But it is just picking on a mentally ill person.
00:52:54.000 I think there's a way to do it and a way not to do it.
00:52:56.000 Don does it right.
00:52:57.000 Like, one of the guys is a schizophrenic surfer guy, and I used to do open mics with this guy, and he's schizophrenic, and he's really hardcore schizophrenic, but he would do, like, an act, and then, like, afterwards I would always try to talk to him, but he would, like, look past me, and it was really weird.
00:53:12.000 Now, what does schizophrenic entail?
00:53:14.000 What has to be wrong with you?
00:53:16.000 Schizophrenic's two personalities, right?
00:53:17.000 I don't know, he's just really...
00:53:19.000 What's that one?
00:53:19.000 It seems like...
00:53:20.000 That's not...
00:53:21.000 Bipolar is not two personality.
00:53:22.000 No, bipolar is not.
00:53:23.000 Bipolar is depression.
00:53:25.000 It's being up, it's being down.
00:53:27.000 Schizophrenia is you start believing you're someone else.
00:53:30.000 Is that what it is?
00:53:31.000 You go in and out of different personalities.
00:53:33.000 Yeah, sometimes you can talk to him, other times he just looks past you.
00:53:35.000 And plus the fact that he smokes weed on top of that is kind of like really weird.
00:53:38.000 But he's a real nice guy. 0.81
00:53:40.000 But as an example, I used to do open mics with him, and now he's fucking loving doing the Ding Dong show.
00:53:45.000 Okay, this is... 0.53
00:53:46.000 It makes it difficult to tell the difference between real and unreal experiences.
00:53:51.000 Think logically, have normal emotional responses, behave normally in social situations.
00:53:56.000 So what's the dual personality one?
00:53:59.000 Well, you can...
00:54:01.000 I think there's...
00:54:04.000 Well, there's people that don't believe in multiple personality disorder. 0.97
00:54:07.000 They think it's horseshit. 0.98
00:54:08.000 There are people that think it's horseshit. 0.99
00:54:09.000 They just want attention. 0.92
00:54:11.000 Yeah.
00:54:11.000 Yeah.
00:54:12.000 I think...
00:54:13.000 I don't know.
00:54:13.000 Have you ever met anybody that was a real...
00:54:15.000 I've got a friend, and he's a good friend of mine, so I won't say his name, but I have a friend of mine who says that he had a split personality, but it was just... 0.99
00:54:24.000 Whenever he acted like an asshole... 1.00
00:54:28.000 Oh, that was such and such that just came out. 1.00
00:54:30.000 And you're like, no, you were just an asshole. 1.00
00:54:32.000 You can't just say that you're you when you're good. 1.00
00:54:35.000 Yeah.
00:54:35.000 You're you when you're bad as well.
00:54:37.000 Yeah, that's ridiculous. 0.98
00:54:40.000 Some people have it, I guess. 0.96
00:54:42.000 I guess dissociative identity disorder.
00:54:44.000 They're saying it's real.
00:54:45.000 Well, there's people who actually change their name and I'm Candy now and I have a dog.
00:54:50.000 Yeah, well, you know who did that was the dude Herschel Walker.
00:54:54.000 Herschel Walker apparently had like some serious problems.
00:54:58.000 Who's Herschel Walker?
00:54:58.000 Oh, he's a famous football player.
00:55:00.000 Who's an older guy, and he's now competing in MMA. In his time, he was one of the greatest football players of all time.
00:55:10.000 A ridiculous athlete. 0.95
00:55:11.000 And now he's 48 years old, shredded, and just destroying people in mixed martial arts fights. 0.98
00:55:18.000 And that was his background.
00:55:21.000 There's a kid from Australia who got signed up to, I think, one of the big NFL teams yesterday and never held an American football.
00:55:30.000 That's amazing.
00:55:31.000 He played rugby, but they just made him do all the tackling stuff and statistically he's off the chart.
00:55:37.000 Wow.
00:55:37.000 Straight into the NFL and never touched the ball.
00:55:39.000 That's incredible.
00:55:40.000 Yeah.
00:55:40.000 Yeah, the NFL wants super athletes.
00:55:42.000 Yeah, he's like one of these 6'8", just powerhouse type of blokes, you know. 1.00
00:55:46.000 Fuck. 1.00
00:55:47.000 There's some people and you get around them, you can't believe that's a real person. 1.00
00:55:50.000 That's a person too.
00:55:51.000 Like, I'm the same as that person, we're the same species.
00:55:53.000 Like Shaq, you ever meet Shaq?
00:55:55.000 Shaq.
00:55:55.000 There's a guy in New Zealand called Jonah Lomu, who's fairly well portrayed in that movie, Vindictus or whatever, about the rugby world cut.
00:56:05.000 But that's the biggest cut I've ever seen.
00:56:06.000 What's that movie? 0.99
00:56:07.000 The one with Matt Damon and fucking Nelson Mandela. 0.99
00:56:13.000 Yeah. 0.99
00:56:13.000 Morgan Freeman. 0.99
00:56:15.000 Was that good?
00:56:15.000 That was pretty good, man.
00:56:16.000 He did a fucking excellent Nelson Mandela. 0.98
00:56:19.000 Really? 0.98
00:56:19.000 I like South Africa. 0.98
00:56:20.000 You ever gigged out there?
00:56:22.000 Man, I'll hook you up with this guy, man.
00:56:24.000 You like it? 0.99
00:56:24.000 Yeah, it's fucking great, man. 0.99
00:56:25.000 The people are awesome. 0.97
00:56:27.000 The food's outstanding.
00:56:28.000 Really?
00:56:28.000 You just can't walk the streets, right?
00:56:30.000 It's just one of these things where there's barbed wire fences and shit everywhere. 0.99
00:56:34.000 Jesus. 0.99
00:56:34.000 How dangerous is it? 0.99
00:56:36.000 You lock your guns up in lockers when you're going to the casino, and you'll see everyone pulling their gun out.
00:56:42.000 Oh, my God.
00:56:44.000 You just don't go through the townships, and you try not to have sex with anyone for a couple of weeks.
00:56:48.000 That's about...
00:56:50.000 You know what I mean?
00:56:51.000 Africa's Africa. 0.71
00:56:51.000 Or go to Hawaii. 0.71
00:56:54.000 Yeah, Hawaii sounds better.
00:56:55.000 There was a story about a guy who took his girlfriend to Africa and arranged for her to be kidnapped.
00:57:03.000 And they kidnapped her and killed her. 1.00
00:57:07.000 Crazy fucking story, man. 1.00
00:57:09.000 That he got down there and he convinced someone to kidnap her. 1.00
00:57:17.000 He was going to get the ransom money from her parents or something like that. 1.00
00:57:21.000 And they just fucking killed her. 1.00
00:57:23.000 Yeah, no ransom money for death. 1.00
00:57:25.000 It's silly kidnapping. 0.98
00:57:27.000 That's one story. 0.99
00:57:28.000 The other story is that he had her killed. 0.99
00:57:30.000 He wanted to move on to some new girl, so he had her killed, which is even fucking crazy. 0.99
00:57:34.000 Yeah, just break up with her, mate. 1.00
00:57:36.000 How hard can it be?
00:57:37.000 Some dudes just get deep. 0.99
00:57:39.000 They just get deep into it.
00:57:40.000 They've got to get out.
00:57:41.000 I've got to get out now. 0.99
00:57:43.000 The only way is for her to die.
00:57:45.000 But you can see lions and tigers out there.
00:57:47.000 It's pretty exciting. 1.00
00:57:48.000 What a fucked up thing to do, man. 1.00
00:57:50.000 Hire someone to kidnap your chick. 1.00
00:57:52.000 I always love that, though, when you see those news stories. 0.98
00:57:56.000 It's happened to us so many times when we watch news stories where some mums are like, we were driving along and this black man with tattoos just opened the door and stole my car with my child in it. 0.50
00:58:07.000 And then you go, that car's going to end up in the swamp and you put them in the seatbelt and this is going to be awesome.
00:58:13.000 But now it makes you suspicious of every person who ever cries on TV. You always watch them going, yeah, you're a killer. 0.99
00:58:20.000 I always go straight for...
00:58:21.000 Well, when you find out that they are, it is the weirdest feeling in the world.
00:58:25.000 Especially if you've been supporting them.
00:58:26.000 If you've been going, that poor lady, that poor lady. 1.00
00:58:28.000 If you feel cheated as the public, you're like...
00:58:30.000 How many times have women been busted doing that where they didn't know that they were guilty and then they caught them? 1.00
00:58:35.000 In America a couple of times, but there's a case in the UK which has been going on for fucking everyone. 0.98
00:58:45.000 What's that? 0.98
00:58:47.000 Maddie...
00:58:48.000 Anyway, very famous case in the UK where this couple went on holiday in Portugal.
00:58:54.000 They were in a resort type thing.
00:58:56.000 They left the kid...
00:58:58.000 Madeline McCain was the name of the little girl.
00:59:02.000 And so they left Madeleine McCain in this room.
00:59:04.000 They went off and had dinner like 50 metres away.
00:59:06.000 She's five years old.
00:59:07.000 They just left her there sleeping. 1.00
00:59:08.000 When they got back, she was gone, right?
00:59:10.000 Now, the case has never been opened, but people are still of the opinion that maybe they did it, right?
00:59:16.000 Maybe, but no one can prove that.
00:59:18.000 And then they're like, maybe some pedophile did it, maybe some whatever did it.
00:59:23.000 But it's a real big case.
00:59:26.000 Like to the extent that last time I went back to Britain, they had pictures of her five years on, computer generated what she'd look like now.
00:59:33.000 So to keep looking for her, like the parents are still like putting in...
00:59:36.000 It's just so creepy when they do that.
00:59:38.000 Yeah.
00:59:38.000 A fake person.
00:59:39.000 I used to do a joke and I went, how long are we going to keep this going for?
00:59:43.000 Yeah.
00:59:44.000 I hope another six years so we can get that hot picture of when she's 16. Yeah, they start making her have thongs on. 1.00
00:59:53.000 This is how she'd look now. 0.99
00:59:55.000 Most likely with a collar on her neck. 1.00
01:00:00.000 That's pretty fucked. 1.00
01:00:02.000 Why don't I just put a realistic picture of just some bones covered with cum. 1.00
01:00:06.000 Oh, no. 0.98
01:00:15.000 *sigh* Fun.
01:00:18.000 It's fun being creative.
01:00:20.000 It is.
01:00:21.000 Yeah, you can never do that in any other job and be like, you know, that was excellent.
01:00:25.000 We sat back and we were like, wow, I can't believe you did that, but that's pretty fucking funny.
01:00:30.000 You know, you would get in trouble if you were in upper management somewhere. 0.91
01:00:35.000 You know, and you said that at a board meeting.
01:00:38.000 Can you imagine, pass the milk, and you hold up this thing. 0.98
01:00:42.000 Shouldn't this, was this a fucking real thing? 0.99
01:00:44.000 Can you imagine, shouldn't this be a pile of bones and cum? 0.99
01:00:47.000 And everybody just silence. 0.98
01:00:48.000 Or if you're an advertising guy, and you just came in with a poster of that.
01:00:52.000 My brother's quite a successful business type guy.
01:00:56.000 I couldn't tell you quite what he does, but he was entertaining clients on a boat.
01:01:01.000 Like an escort?
01:01:03.000 No, they were trying to, yeah, very similar to that.
01:01:06.000 So he was out of dating clients on a boat, like people he was trying to get money out of.
01:01:09.000 He developed shopping centres and stuff, right?
01:01:11.000 So he had this boat, and this was years, this was early on in my career, and I had like a CD out, my first CD, and my brother just had it, and he goes, oh, everyone wasn't really getting along, so I thought I'd put your CD on and see if we could pick the mood up of the group.
01:01:26.000 He goes, you started with a Down syndrome joke. 0.93
01:01:29.000 The fucking guy's kid had Down Syndrome and we're stuck in Sydney Harbour and we couldn't go back. 1.00
01:01:35.000 And he was yelling at me like I fucked his deal up. 1.00
01:01:39.000 You don't have to put my CD on. 0.96
01:01:40.000 No one asked you to put it on.
01:01:43.000 Not much of a story.
01:01:44.000 But it's what we got.
01:01:46.000 It's what we got.
01:01:46.000 We got to work with it.
01:01:48.000 So I guess this is actually kind of disputed, this multiple personality disorder. 0.98
01:01:54.000 Some people think it's bullshit, but a lot of people think it's legit. 0.91
01:01:58.000 You know that's the one person doing that? 0.99
01:02:02.000 Maybe, right?
01:02:03.000 They're all typing in under the different personalities. 1.00
01:02:05.000 This is bullshit. 0.99
01:02:06.000 I think Herschel Walker thought it was trauma-induced from the years of football. 1.00
01:02:10.000 Which is totally crazy, and now he's fighting.
01:02:13.000 It's like, wow.
01:02:15.000 What, you're saying that he's punched drunk?
01:02:17.000 Well, not necessarily punched drunk.
01:02:20.000 I mean, he talks fine.
01:02:23.000 He seems to think fine, too.
01:02:25.000 But a lot of people believe that you could get a lot of things wrong with your brain from repeated trauma. 0.99
01:02:34.000 And the kind of trauma they have on football is like, I mean, these guys are running at each other and clashing heads and shit and head to fucking knees. 0.99
01:02:42.000 And I mean, there's some serious impact that these guys are withstanding. 0.99
01:02:46.000 And a lot of them get fucked up because of it. 0.97
01:02:48.000 I'm pretty sure that's what he was saying, was that it was a trauma-related multiple personality disorder. 0.99
01:02:54.000 It's the same as Muhammad Ali.
01:02:57.000 People still go, oh, we're not sure.
01:02:59.000 Oh, you're sure.
01:03:00.000 They're sure. 0.99
01:03:01.000 If they're not sure, they're silly. 0.93
01:03:02.000 But it's the same as Richard Pryor and Dudley Moore both took a lot of cocaine in their days. 0.96
01:03:09.000 And then they had the same, this extraordinarily rare nerve disorder.
01:03:12.000 It wasn't just Parkinson's.
01:03:14.000 It was like a rare strain of it.
01:03:16.000 And the people still go, oh, we don't quite know how this happened.
01:03:19.000 And it's like, I think I know.
01:03:21.000 Yeah, I know another person who did the exact same thing and has the exact same problem.
01:03:25.000 Yeah.
01:03:25.000 Yeah, it's super, super common, man.
01:03:29.000 Well, Dudley Moore kept it secret for years, and everyone, because they thought he was just a drunk, but he was then giving up acting and things.
01:03:36.000 He used to go out as a concert pianist, because he was a really good pianist.
01:03:41.000 Yeah.
01:03:42.000 He used to get halfway through a song and then just sort of down the microphone everyone going, Dudley's drunk again. 0.99
01:03:50.000 He wasn't drunk, he was just fucking heavily diseased. 0.99
01:03:53.000 Wow. 0.99
01:03:53.000 For the last three or four years of his career, no one knew. 0.99
01:03:58.000 Wow, that's incredible.
01:04:00.000 Remember that show, That's Incredible?
01:04:02.000 Yeah.
01:04:02.000 That was a good show.
01:04:03.000 That was a good show.
01:04:04.000 Was it?
01:04:05.000 No.
01:04:06.000 If you watched it today, would you buy a DVD? It'd probably be awesome now.
01:04:09.000 If it came out at Best Buy, if you went to Best Buy and stuff, that's incredible, a DVD collection.
01:04:13.000 It depends how much it was.
01:04:15.000 I would buy it just to see what a time-traveling device it would be.
01:04:18.000 I bought The Greatest American Hero, or I got The Greatest American Hero on Netflix the other day because I just liked it so much as a kid.
01:04:28.000 Yeah, is it like that?
01:04:29.000 Because I remember as a kid, I really loved that show.
01:04:31.000 The flying is so like... 1.00
01:04:33.000 So stupid. 1.00
01:04:36.000 That noise is so stupid that I can't believe I was ever fooled or ever amazed by it. 1.00
01:04:41.000 Yeah, it's like time travel. 1.00
01:04:43.000 You can go back and see what amused you when you were little and be baffled.
01:04:48.000 This is the whole theory on why kids should see gentle porn.
01:04:54.000 Gentle porn.
01:04:54.000 You know what I mean?
01:04:55.000 Because I grew up finding a Playboy magazine and then just batting off to it until I found another magazine that was, you know, kids today are going straight to internet. 1.00
01:05:04.000 They're going to be fucked. 0.97
01:05:06.000 Do Australian guys find their magazines in the woods as well? 1.00
01:05:08.000 Yeah, in the bush we find them, yeah.
01:05:13.000 Isn't that incredible?
01:05:13.000 And I always used to think that some adult's hidden it here, but I look back at it, no, just some other kid hid it there in the bush.
01:05:20.000 It's part of the simulation.
01:05:21.000 It was programmed that way.
01:05:22.000 Yeah, it's almost like it grew there.
01:05:23.000 You're supposed to find it.
01:05:25.000 It's native to that environment. 0.98
01:05:26.000 I remember masturbating so young. 0.93
01:05:27.000 I was about seven years old. 0.98
01:05:29.000 Seven.
01:05:30.000 And I found this picture.
01:05:32.000 My mother was the only woman in the house. 0.96
01:05:34.000 I went through one of her magazines.
01:05:35.000 So we didn't have underwear catalogs sitting around, like a Victoria's Secret catalog or something like that would have been good.
01:05:40.000 But I found this picture in my mum's women's magazine.
01:05:43.000 It was just this naked titnit.
01:05:46.000 This magazine never had a naked titnit before, right? 0.92
01:05:48.000 So I cut this picture out.
01:05:51.000 I cut this picture out. 0.98
01:05:52.000 I masturbated to this picture from about seven till ten. 0.99
01:05:55.000 Just one tit. 1.00
01:05:56.000 Just this one tit, right?
01:05:58.000 And I found out at 10, because I was watching the news, it was a picture of a woman having a mammogram.
01:06:04.000 Whoa. 0.86
01:06:04.000 Yeah, but I didn't know as a kid, and I used to think, because the other tit was in a machine being squeezed down, and I was like, that must be some sex machine. 0.86
01:06:15.000 It's amazing that kept your interest for so long. 0.94
01:06:18.000 Yeah, I stole the lingerie thing out of the Sears catalog from my friend's mom's Sears catalog. 0.99
01:06:24.000 And I used to keep it and I put it in my books and hide it in a book and pull it out and look at it and masturbate and shit. 0.98
01:06:30.000 Remember the lingerie, you know, like in the catalogs, the old catalogs, we used to have catalogs. 0.98
01:06:35.000 I remember there being, I used to buy porn on video and then when I went to university and I was like 22 or something like that, they used to keep on sending me the catalogs because I bought a couple of videos years ago.
01:06:48.000 And I used to keep them, and they were just like little pictures of scenes from the movies.
01:06:54.000 I never bought anything, but the catalogs, once a month, that was a big day.
01:06:58.000 It was free, and I was broke. 0.98
01:07:00.000 I was fucking happy. 0.96
01:07:02.000 I always used to keep my roommate one catalog behind, so he would get the new month's one after I got my new month's one. 0.98
01:07:10.000 It's funny that what you would want then to see naked girls, to look at naked girls, that people would deny that of you.
01:07:16.000 They say you're not ready for that yet.
01:07:18.000 I mean, that's what it's all about.
01:07:19.000 It's about protecting kids. 0.98
01:07:21.000 But clearly, you have these sexual crazy urges. 0.81
01:07:24.000 And everyone's just in denial about it. 0.99
01:07:26.000 Nope, you're only 16. You can't buy a Playboy.
01:07:29.000 Like, you can't even buy a Playboy when you're 16. You can't even just let me see a little titty.
01:07:33.000 I don't even need to see a vagina. 1.00
01:07:35.000 Can I just see a leg? 0.99
01:07:36.000 But they put it in movies when you're 16. Yeah.
01:07:39.000 See, I've got to commend Britain.
01:07:40.000 On page three of the newspapers, there's a topless girl. 0.98
01:07:44.000 Yeah.
01:07:45.000 Just in the normal newspaper.
01:07:46.000 Always, right?
01:07:47.000 Yeah.
01:07:47.000 That's good.
01:07:48.000 Sixteen-year-olds can't go to the movies that show tits. 1.00
01:07:51.000 Tits is not PG. You can't. 1.00
01:07:52.000 Something like Porky's has a bit of tit in it.
01:07:55.000 Isn't Porky's R? Wouldn't Porky's be R? I think back then it was...
01:07:58.000 Well, we were in Australia called M, which is 16 and up.
01:08:01.000 Oh.
01:08:02.000 Yeah, maybe that is R, yeah.
01:08:03.000 Mature.
01:08:05.000 Is that what it is?
01:08:06.000 Yeah, but we have R as well, but mature is 16, then R is 18. There's 17, I think, is R. Isn't that it?
01:08:15.000 And NC-17 is for, no matter what, you can't even go with an adult unless you're 17. My father's so deprived of being able to see tits. 1.00
01:08:25.000 Because my mum's such a big, hefty woman, and he just... 1.00
01:08:28.000 But he's still like a horny sort of bloke, my dad, right? 0.99
01:08:32.000 So when we were kids, if me and my two brothers were sitting watching, let's say the movie Labyrinth, we were watching like a very innocent puppet-related film, all at once during the film, and he'd be in the house, we'd all go, oh, look at those tits! 0.99
01:08:46.000 Whoa! 0.71
01:08:47.000 Within seconds, my dad would just casually walk out and sit and watch the rest of the film with...
01:08:53.000 He'd come in and go, what are you watching?
01:08:56.000 Like this.
01:08:59.000 He'd go all the way through the film and then he'd go, oh, I might watch the beginning of that film.
01:09:05.000 I missed what happened in the beginning.
01:09:10.000 You trolled him.
01:09:11.000 You trolled him.
01:09:12.000 Oh, that's hilarious.
01:09:14.000 And you let him sit through the whole movie?
01:09:16.000 Yeah, yeah.
01:09:16.000 So we'd all go off and play, and then he'd have to sit through the first 30 minutes again.
01:09:20.000 Oh, that's fucking funny. 0.94
01:09:22.000 Just in the hope, because it was going to come. 0.99
01:09:24.000 It's going to happen.
01:09:25.000 You guys should have filmed that.
01:09:26.000 That would make a hilarious short film.
01:09:28.000 Yeah.
01:09:29.000 Just explain it.
01:09:30.000 Yeah.
01:09:31.000 And now I'm there with a time code.
01:09:32.000 We could still do it now.
01:09:35.000 You should still do it.
01:09:37.000 I could see it.
01:09:38.000 It's filmed the light of the TV. It's what's on him, right?
01:09:42.000 A little time code in the bottom.
01:09:43.000 Show him 10 minutes later, 20 minutes later, 30 minutes later.
01:09:47.000 Look at us watching.
01:09:49.000 That could be hilarious.
01:09:51.000 It could be hilarious if you explain it to the camera.
01:09:54.000 He found some porn magazines.
01:09:57.000 I do a routine on this, but he found some porn magazines under my...
01:09:59.000 My mother found some porn magazines under my bed, and she put them in the bin, because that's like, you know, you put them in the bin, and then she didn't say anything to me.
01:10:09.000 She just let me off scot-free on it.
01:10:11.000 She didn't, like, get angry or anything, so I felt like I got away with it, but my porn drawer was empty, right?
01:10:16.000 And I worked in the news agency, so I used to collect them from the bins out the back of the news agency, so I had piles and piles of them.
01:10:21.000 I was a paperboy.
01:10:23.000 So I was in my dad's workbench, and I was hammering a nail down.
01:10:27.000 I look under the bench, and there's all my porn magazines.
01:10:30.000 They're all dog-eared, and they're like lettuce leaf on them and stuff.
01:10:34.000 Because what happened was, my dad's got to take the bin to the end of the driveway on a Wednesday.
01:10:40.000 He opened the garbage bin, saw all the porn.
01:10:43.000 He recovered it all. 0.99
01:10:46.000 I took it off to his shed where he could masturbate. 0.89
01:10:50.000 So I collected it all back up and I took it back to my drawer just because, you know, the circle of life, right? 0.95
01:11:00.000 And my dad comes, I'm in the living room, he comes out and goes, Jim, were you in my garage?
01:11:05.000 And I said, and I go, yeah.
01:11:07.000 And he goes, you know how those magazines?
01:11:09.000 And I went, Neither are you.
01:11:13.000 And I was about 13 at the stage.
01:11:15.000 I said, neither are you.
01:11:16.000 And he went, oh, can I have four?
01:11:21.000 Right?
01:11:21.000 And there was an actual moment where I start with my dad and I had a debate when I was 13 over, all right, you can have a hustler, a penthouse, a playboy.
01:11:32.000 You know.
01:11:33.000 Brian, what's your phone?
01:11:35.000 It's not my phone.
01:11:36.000 Is it your phone?
01:11:36.000 Brian, you can't leave your phone by the thing.
01:11:39.000 How many times do we have to tell you? 1.00
01:11:41.000 Get that crazy zappity-zap shit in my head. 1.00
01:11:44.000 Airplanes crash, man. 1.00
01:11:45.000 That noise. 0.99
01:11:46.000 You can't leave that shit right by the mp3 player while you're getting texts. 1.00
01:11:49.000 Would you rather kiss Nancy Reagan on the lips or the tit? 1.00
01:11:53.000 How old is she? 0.98
01:11:54.000 Right now.
01:11:55.000 Oh, tit, definitely.
01:11:56.000 No, lips.
01:11:57.000 Lips.
01:11:57.000 Lips.
01:11:58.000 I don't want to suck on an old lady's titty, like a really old... 1.00
01:12:01.000 What is she, 89 or something? 1.00
01:12:03.000 I don't know.
01:12:03.000 But you could either say you kissed her on the boob or on the lips.
01:12:06.000 No, I'd give her... 0.67
01:12:07.000 How about you not tell anybody?
01:12:08.000 I'd give her... 1.00
01:12:08.000 Keep that shit to yourself. 1.00
01:12:10.000 I'd give her a respectful kiss on the mouth. 1.00
01:12:12.000 Yeah.
01:12:12.000 Respectful.
01:12:13.000 Yeah, a nice little...
01:12:14.000 You look very nice today, Nancy.
01:12:16.000 I went awesome.
01:12:16.000 Sorry your husband's dead.
01:12:18.000 I tweeted to Deepak Chopra today. 0.99
01:12:21.000 I rarely do, but sometimes that dude says shit that's so ridiculous, I want to tweet back to him. 0.99
01:12:27.000 He goes, when you reach pure awareness, you will have no problems. 0.99
01:12:31.000 Therefore, there will be no need for solutions. 0.98
01:12:35.000 And I wrote back, if you reach pure awareness and someone kicks you in the balls, you still have problems. 0.96
01:12:42.000 That is true. 0.98
01:12:43.000 And that's a fact. 1.00
01:12:44.000 If you put shit like that on Twitter, someone's going to want to kick you in the balls. 1.00
01:12:47.000 Who's Dubap Chupa? 1.00
01:12:48.000 Deepak Chopra, bro.
01:12:49.000 Who's that?
01:12:50.000 How dare you?
01:12:52.000 He's some Indian dude.
01:12:54.000 He's like some guru-type character.
01:12:55.000 See, that's exactly what you say.
01:12:56.000 So you can reach pure awareness...
01:12:59.000 But your wife still has cancer, say.
01:13:02.000 You know what I mean?
01:13:02.000 But you can be completely aware of it, but that doesn't mean the problem's gone.
01:13:06.000 Well, he's saying you have no problems. 1.00
01:13:08.000 Yeah, I say he's full of shit then. 1.00
01:13:10.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:13:11.000 Pure awareness, you will have no problems. 1.00
01:13:13.000 That shit's ridiculous. 1.00
01:13:14.000 Yeah, yeah. 1.00
01:13:14.000 You can't just do what you want to do. 1.00
01:13:16.000 You have to take care of things that are going... 1.00
01:13:17.000 Your fucking roof has a hole in it. 1.00
01:13:19.000 Guess what, bitch? 1.00
01:13:19.000 You got a problem. 1.00
01:13:20.000 I don't give a fuck what you tell me. 1.00
01:13:21.000 That's a problem. 1.00
01:13:22.000 You got to get that shit fixed. 1.00
01:13:23.000 Not just being aware of it actually makes the problem worse if you're doing nothing. 1.00
01:13:27.000 Well, I will meditate under the dripping water. 1.00
01:13:29.000 Fuck you. 1.00
01:13:30.000 Go get that shit fixed. 1.00
01:13:31.000 You're ruining your house, dummy. 1.00
01:13:31.000 You got a problem! 1.00
01:13:33.000 Face it, Deep Rock. 1.00
01:13:34.000 You're talking nonsense, goddammit. 0.99
01:13:35.000 That's the problem I have with all these dudes. 1.00
01:13:37.000 They talk a lot of hippie nonsense. 1.00
01:13:39.000 They say a lot of shit that they think that women who just hit menopause want to hear. 0.99
01:13:44.000 When they really start getting into yoga and just try to find the light and try to find happiness and get into flowers, raising flowers, that's when he comes in. 0.99
01:13:54.000 A guy like that can just swoop in on that I want to be happy market and just start...
01:13:59.000 Ping-ponging it back and forth with all these nonsense sentences.
01:14:02.000 When you reach pure awareness, you'll have no problems. 1.00
01:14:04.000 Bitch, stop with that. 1.00
01:14:06.000 Unfollow that guy. 1.00
01:14:08.000 No, I will not.
01:14:09.000 I want to hear more craziness.
01:14:11.000 Yeah, yeah.
01:14:12.000 This is a really funny moment on YouTube where he got some guy who was writing a physics book with Stephen Hawking's.
01:14:19.000 Like, was correcting the things he was saying.
01:14:22.000 The guy was like, you're saying things that don't make sense to me.
01:14:27.000 What, they were correcting Stephen Hawking's?
01:14:28.000 No, no, no, no.
01:14:29.000 The guy who was writing a book with Stephen Hawking.
01:14:31.000 Oh, okay, yeah, yeah.
01:14:32.000 Deepak Chopra was trying to explain something to him, like, quantum this and quantum that.
01:14:38.000 And so the guy goes, yeah, I know what all those words mean, but I'm not quite sure what you're saying.
01:14:42.000 Because he's not really saying anything. 0.97
01:14:44.000 He's just fucking man, the infinite, the impossible, the consciousness of the quantum consciousness. 0.98
01:14:52.000 He can just say things like that, and you just leave it up to what? 0.99
01:14:57.000 Well, I guess in some sort of a broad sense, he might have made a sentence there.
01:15:00.000 Yeah, yeah.
01:15:00.000 And there might be some point that he has that I can't quite grasp.
01:15:03.000 But much more likely, it's word salad that's designed to sound spiritual.
01:15:09.000 That's what it is.
01:15:10.000 He threw a bunch of cool words together, and this guy called him on it.
01:15:14.000 This guy was like, it was so brilliant the way the guy said it.
01:15:17.000 Yeah, I know what all those words mean.
01:15:19.000 I'm not making that up the way that guy talks.
01:15:21.000 You guys don't know who he is?
01:15:22.000 I know who he is.
01:15:24.000 Do you know who he is?
01:15:25.000 He was killed by Tupac.
01:15:27.000 By Biggie.
01:15:28.000 Biggie, yeah. 0.90
01:15:28.000 Yeah, Biggie killed him. 0.90
01:15:29.000 Biggie killed him. 0.99
01:15:30.000 Why'd I go to work better if I didn't say Tupac?
01:15:35.000 Completely.
01:15:36.000 It was Suge Knight anyway.
01:15:37.000 Both of them, supposedly.
01:15:38.000 Hey, can I plug my gig tonight? 1.00
01:15:40.000 Fuck yeah. 1.00
01:15:41.000 Because it's going to happen in two hours. 1.00
01:15:42.000 I'm at the Canyon Club in...
01:15:44.000 Agora Hills.
01:15:45.000 Agora Hills.
01:15:46.000 So come on down. 0.96
01:15:47.000 Starts in two hours.
01:15:48.000 It's a great place, too.
01:15:50.000 Go to the barbecue place first.
01:15:51.000 What time is the show there?
01:15:52.000 It's almost 7. I think it's like...
01:15:55.000 Is it an 8 o'clock start, is it?
01:15:56.000 Oh, right.
01:15:57.000 The show starts when you get there, son.
01:15:59.000 Yeah, that's...
01:16:01.000 There's one of my favorite comics in the UK, Canadian comic, Tom Stade.
01:16:05.000 Check him out. 0.73
01:16:05.000 Really, really fucking funny guy. 0.73
01:16:07.000 He's opening for you? 0.99
01:16:08.000 No, no, no, no, no.
01:16:09.000 He's just a guy who still lives in Britain.
01:16:10.000 But he once said that he was... 0.99
01:16:11.000 I remember when I was a young comic and I was in a car with him and we were going to a gig and I said, Fuck, we're not going to make it. 0.99
01:16:17.000 We're late, we're late, we're late for the gig. 0.98
01:16:18.000 And he went, We are the gig.
01:16:20.000 And that stuck with me.
01:16:23.000 Yeah, that's what it's up.
01:16:25.000 Yeah, I've been in many times where we were really close to being late for shows.
01:16:30.000 Ari in particular would get very nervous.
01:16:32.000 Duncan would have to open. 1.00
01:16:34.000 Fuck, man! 1.00
01:16:35.000 Just drop me off in front. 1.00
01:16:37.000 Don't even park!
01:16:38.000 I'm like, dude, it's 8.05.
01:16:40.000 We're good.
01:16:41.000 So the show's five minutes late. 0.99
01:16:43.000 Who gives a fuck? 0.99
01:16:44.000 If they're really mad, the audience is going to be mad. 1.00
01:16:47.000 What kind of asshole would be upset at a show starting five minutes late? 0.99
01:16:50.000 I tell you what, I went and saw Billy Joel in concert, which is how all good stories start. 1.00
01:16:57.000 I went and saw Billy Joel in concert in Sheffield in the north of England.
01:17:02.000 I was in the third row.
01:17:04.000 I got the tickets rather late, but I don't think he's popular in Sheffield.
01:17:08.000 Anyway, so this woman looks at her watch in front. 0.99
01:17:12.000 She's sitting next to her husband and she's just got the shits, right? 1.00
01:17:15.000 It's like 10 past 8. The show's meant to start at 8. Right. 0.99
01:17:18.000 And she went, this is fucking bullshit, right? 1.00
01:17:20.000 And the husband's gone, don't worry, it'll be fine. 1.00
01:17:23.000 And she said, no, we got here on time.
01:17:26.000 He should get here on time as well.
01:17:28.000 And I thought, oh, maybe they're missing a friend.
01:17:31.000 She goes over and speaks to the security guy going, when's this going to start?
01:17:34.000 It's 10 past 8, 10 minutes late. 1.00
01:17:35.000 And the security guy's just like, fuck off. 1.00
01:17:38.000 Because he doesn't care, you know what I mean? 1.00
01:17:40.000 And then Billy Joel comes out, 15 minutes late probably, which is normal time.
01:17:47.000 And Billy Joel comes out, and then the whole audience stands up, and she just sits there and yells out, I paid for a seat! 0.99
01:17:53.000 And then that husband was just dragged away. 0.99
01:17:56.000 And I still think to this day, that's the biggest cunt I've ever seen. 1.00
01:17:59.000 And I've only seen about five sentences before. 1.00
01:18:01.000 I felt like grabbing that guy going, just get out of this.
01:18:04.000 Leave. 0.99
01:18:04.000 Run. 0.99
01:18:05.000 You don't need this woman anymore. 1.00
01:18:06.000 She's horrible. 0.99
01:18:07.000 That's the worst you've ever seen? 0.91
01:18:09.000 Really?
01:18:09.000 It was that bad?
01:18:11.000 In just a short amount of time where I thought, this person's just evil to the core.
01:18:15.000 Intolerable.
01:18:15.000 Yeah, intolerable.
01:18:16.000 Some people don't even realize how intolerable they are, but I would think that after shows, you see a lot of those, right?
01:18:21.000 Yeah, you do photos after gigs, do you?
01:18:23.000 Sure, yeah.
01:18:24.000 Yeah, you ever get that person who just wants to, like, headlock you or something?
01:18:28.000 Yes.
01:18:28.000 A guy asks me if he can carry me.
01:18:30.000 Yeah.
01:18:31.000 Oh, I've had that one.
01:18:31.000 Can I hold you?
01:18:32.000 Like, no.
01:18:33.000 Guys are always asking to choke me.
01:18:35.000 That's normal. 0.97
01:18:36.000 Because a lot of jujitsu guys come to shows, like, can I get you in a rear naked?
01:18:40.000 But I don't trust anybody, man.
01:18:42.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:18:42.000 You can't just get my back like that, son.
01:18:45.000 No, I don't get that as much. 0.99
01:18:50.000 Dudes will ask all sorts of weird shit. 0.97
01:18:52.000 One guy asked me to bend over in front of him in Louisville. 0.99
01:18:55.000 He goes, will you bend over in front and I'll make it like I'm spanking you? 1.00
01:18:58.000 I go, what? 0.50
01:18:59.000 He goes, I'm going to be behind you. 0.97
01:19:00.000 You're going to bend over like I'm spanking you. 1.00
01:19:02.000 I go, do you really think that anybody would say yes to that? 0.81
01:19:06.000 Any person you don't know would say, yeah, go ahead. 0.99
01:19:09.000 I'll bend over like you're having sex with me? 0.99
01:19:11.000 Like that kind of bend over? 0.99
01:19:12.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, please.
01:19:13.000 How many times have you taken a photo with a person after a gig?
01:19:16.000 I did the arm around and the smile and the point to the face maybe.
01:19:20.000 I got a few poses that I have down.
01:19:22.000 The serious one, the happy one, the good one. 0.99
01:19:25.000 How many times have you put your arm around a couple of girls And then one of them just grabs your cock, right? 1.00
01:19:32.000 It does happen. 1.00
01:19:32.000 Yeah, yeah. 1.00
01:19:33.000 They just grab your cock and like, as soon as the photo happens, it goes honk on it like that because they want to have the cool photo. 0.99
01:19:38.000 And you sort of go, huh, thanks. 0.99
01:19:39.000 Smart.
01:19:40.000 Yeah, you know what I mean?
01:19:41.000 Like, you're just like, yeah, thanks for that.
01:19:43.000 But imagine if a male act did that to a female act. 1.00
01:19:47.000 Just grab the tit. 1.00
01:19:48.000 Just...
01:19:48.000 Oh, yeah.
01:19:49.000 It would be grab her pussy. 1.00
01:19:51.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 1.00
01:19:52.000 It just went bang, finger, bang. 1.00
01:19:53.000 Grab a chit would be like grabbing a guy's ass. 1.00
01:19:55.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:19:55.000 That would be the same, would it? 1.00
01:19:57.000 Yeah, no, no. 1.00
01:19:58.000 Grabbing a girl's ass is like grabbing a guy's ass. 1.00
01:20:00.000 Yeah, I think if a girl grabs my dick, I'll automatically just start fingering her pussy. 1.00
01:20:04.000 Well, I always think that a guy grabbing a girl's ass... 1.00
01:20:06.000 The women that have this confidence are normally like a big Jersey chick with like... 1.00
01:20:11.000 You know, these aren't...
01:20:12.000 You know, where you're like, ooh. 1.00
01:20:13.000 I always feel that grabbing a girl's ass is way worse than a girl grabbing a guy's ass because it's not like she can rape you. 1.00
01:20:21.000 A guy grabbing a girl's ass is a physical thing. 1.00
01:20:24.000 I'm not a good fighter. 0.99
01:20:25.000 You're a good fighter. 1.00
01:20:26.000 You think a lot of girls can rape you? 1.00
01:20:28.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00
01:20:29.000 Plenty.
01:20:31.000 Plenty.
01:20:31.000 Tons.
01:20:33.000 It's happened several times. 0.98
01:20:35.000 I almost got raped last night, actually. 1.00
01:20:36.000 How dare you, brother? 1.00
01:20:37.000 No, I swear to God.
01:20:38.000 Stop lying.
01:20:39.000 There was this girl at the Comedy Store. 0.92
01:20:42.000 There's tons of witnesses of this.
01:20:43.000 She comes up to me, and she's talking to me, and she goes, oh, you're a bartender, too?
01:20:46.000 And I'm like, no, I'm not a bartender.
01:20:49.000 We did a shot, though. 0.99
01:20:51.000 And then she just fucking comes in and tries to kiss me. 1.00
01:20:53.000 And I'm like, whoa, whoa, what the fuck? 1.00
01:20:55.000 And she's like, I just got out of rehab three days ago. 1.00
01:20:58.000 I'm not supposed to be drinking right now. 0.51
01:21:00.000 I was raped when I was a kid.
01:21:01.000 And just started going off on like a million things. 0.81
01:21:03.000 And then I'm like, whoa.
01:21:04.000 So you're hooked.
01:21:06.000 So three days out of rehab, she's already drunk again.
01:21:08.000 Is she in your favorites yet?
01:21:10.000 No.
01:21:11.000 I hid.
01:21:11.000 I was like, I have to go to the bathroom, and I ran in the main room.
01:21:15.000 I'm still creeped out by his American voice.
01:21:17.000 That's all I was thinking.
01:21:18.000 Why don't you do it again?
01:21:19.000 I was like, this story's not going to have any punchline.
01:21:21.000 You're not going to pay this off. 0.97
01:21:22.000 She's not going to rape you. 1.00
01:21:23.000 She didn't rape you, man. 0.91
01:21:24.000 She didn't rape you at all. 1.00
01:21:26.000 No. 0.95
01:21:26.000 She tried to, though. 0.95
01:21:28.000 All she did was give you a kiss. 0.98
01:21:29.000 No, no.
01:21:30.000 The whole time she was trying to grab you. 0.97
01:21:31.000 You do know what sex is and rape is, right? 0.82
01:21:33.000 What is it? 0.96
01:21:34.000 Yeah, it's more than kissing.
01:21:35.000 Well, I mean, not rape. 0.52
01:21:36.000 She's not trying to throw me on the ground and rape me. 0.91
01:21:38.000 But there's definitely a difference between, like... 0.90
01:21:41.000 Oh, rape? 1.00
01:21:43.000 I'm not saying real rape.
01:21:44.000 Diet rape? 1.00
01:21:45.000 I just think it's way creepier when a dude grabs a girl's ass. 1.00
01:21:48.000 It's physical. 1.00
01:21:50.000 Yeah, of course.
01:21:51.000 No, of course there is a certain...
01:21:52.000 And you can't do anything about it. 0.98
01:21:54.000 And if I wanted to rape you, I probably could get away with it if there was nobody around. 0.99
01:21:57.000 That's what a guy's saying when he grabs a girl. 1.00
01:21:58.000 I'm trying to think through my mind if I've ever, like, pinched a girl that I haven't known quite well's ass as they walk by. 0.97
01:22:04.000 If you're a person and you're, you know, you're, like, you don't even know this other person and you just reach over and grab... 0.99
01:22:11.000 A girl's ass and squeeze it like that. 1.00
01:22:13.000 That's like a big violation. 1.00
01:22:15.000 That's like a big violation of space, man.
01:22:17.000 Imagine that was your sister or your daughter.
01:22:20.000 Imagine if you watched someone do that to your daughter. 1.00
01:22:22.000 Reach over and grab your daughter's ass. 1.00
01:22:23.000 That's what a nasty fucking violation that is. 1.00
01:22:27.000 And you know, you don't think about it because to you it's not a guy's daughter, it's some hot 20 year old, but meanwhile behind her is her fucking dad and you reach over and grab her ass. 1.00
01:22:34.000 That shit happens. 1.00
01:22:35.000 That's a creepy moment for people, man. 1.00
01:22:38.000 When you realize what it is when somebody just reaches over and grabs you when you don't know them.
01:22:42.000 I don't have a daughter, so right now it's kind of hot.
01:22:44.000 If I imagine my sister or my daughter being really hot and some guy just grabbing it slowly.
01:22:48.000 It's kind of hot. 1.00
01:22:50.000 I'll tell you what, I don't have a child either, so you can imagine grabbing my daughter's ass. 1.00
01:22:54.000 It's fine. 1.00
01:22:54.000 Just whatever she wants to make it look like, I'm fine. 1.00
01:22:56.000 As long as it's imaginary, Brian.
01:22:58.000 My daughter, if you want.
01:22:59.000 What we have is my daughter and your daughter, right, they're making out.
01:23:04.000 They're making out now.
01:23:05.000 Oh, yeah, that's hot.
01:23:07.000 You guys are going to get us closed down twice in one day.
01:23:10.000 Hey, your daughters are making out. 1.00
01:23:12.000 Anti-government talk, pedophilia.
01:23:15.000 My daughter has a touch of the accent, but not quite because she lived here, but we take her on holidays.
01:23:19.000 My daughter has a yeast infection.
01:23:21.000 She has a yeast infection.
01:23:23.000 I don't want your daughter near my daughter. 0.76
01:23:25.000 Stop it.
01:23:26.000 We're going to lose sponsors.
01:23:27.000 We're going to lose viewers.
01:23:28.000 People are going to quit suicide. 0.56
01:23:31.000 You guys are having your artificial, fake, fictional daughters engage in immoral and illegal things. 0.96
01:23:37.000 My daughter's upset now and she's cutting herself. 0.98
01:23:39.000 She's a cutter. 1.00
01:23:40.000 She's a cutter. 1.00
01:23:42.000 I can't have that on my podcast.
01:23:44.000 She's a cutter. 1.00
01:23:45.000 She's not happy.
01:23:48.000 When did that start?
01:23:50.000 When did cutting start?
01:23:51.000 I think it's been around for a while, but it's always when you meet that girl where you look at the forearms and you're like, you know she's going to be good in bed, but you're...
01:24:00.000 I had a buddy who found these marks on a girl after he had dated her for a while, and then he saw one of her arms was sliced up, and he goes, it was a window into madness.
01:24:10.000 He said, all of a sudden, I just went... 0.99
01:24:13.000 What the fuck is this? 1.00
01:24:15.000 And he goes, and then I realized, what the fuck? 1.00
01:24:17.000 And they were like lions, man. 0.99
01:24:19.000 I can't believe I hadn't noticed them before. 0.99
01:24:20.000 And he goes, and all of a sudden I was like, holy shit. 0.93
01:24:23.000 I went out with a girl, long sleeves, long sleeves, long sleeves, and then after a few weeks, and then I saw it. 0.99
01:24:28.000 Because every time sex was in, you had to be in the light light to see it.
01:24:33.000 And it was just these little, like thousands of these little white marks.
01:24:37.000 Whoa! 0.71
01:24:37.000 Doesn't Lindsay Lohan allegedly do that? 0.71
01:24:40.000 I had a friend who did it.
01:24:45.000 She told me about it.
01:24:48.000 She explained it to me as, you're depressed, you blame yourself, and everyone's telling you that you shouldn't blame yourself.
01:24:57.000 You're just sad.
01:24:58.000 Why do you hate yourself?
01:25:00.000 And you can never answer that question. 1.00
01:25:03.000 But if you cut yourself, you're like, that's why I hate myself, because I'm a fuck-up. 0.99
01:25:06.000 Who would do that to themselves? 1.00
01:25:08.000 I should hate myself, I've just cut myself.
01:25:11.000 It gives them the excuse to... 0.99
01:25:13.000 It's so amazing to me that we spend so much time worrying about shit that's going on overseas in these other countries and so little time worrying about how many people are just getting raised in some crazy fucked up way. 0.99
01:25:30.000 How many people are completely unqualified to be having children? 1.00
01:25:35.000 How many children are suffering under the guidance and parental leadership of these fuckheads? 1.00
01:25:40.000 Like, someone... 0.99
01:25:41.000 We should invest something or something It's probably got to be done by everybody all at once together. 1.00
01:25:50.000 There's no way the government could fix the problem of stupidity and craziness and abuse in this country. 1.00
01:25:57.000 There's no way. 1.00
01:25:58.000 But at least make some sort of effort to slow it down.
01:26:05.000 Children... 0.99
01:26:06.000 It's almost always something fucked up happens to children and then they start doing shit like cutting themselves or a lot of... 1.00
01:26:15.000 Other disturbing shit. 1.00
01:26:17.000 A lot of it is related to sexual abuse. 1.00
01:26:19.000 The guy from Hoarders said whenever shit's involved, if he goes to a house and people are storing their shit or shitting in diapers and leaving them piled up, it's always sexual abuse. 1.00
01:26:30.000 Yeah, yeah. 1.00
01:26:31.000 Fuck. 1.00
01:26:32.000 Crazy, man. 1.00
01:26:33.000 We gotta fix that! 0.87
01:26:34.000 There's gotta be a way to fix the human.
01:26:37.000 Just fix the animals. 1.00
01:26:39.000 Trying not to fuck kids is really the best way, isn't it? 1.00
01:26:41.000 The best way is you've got to... 1.00
01:26:43.000 Making kids ugly? 0.86
01:26:45.000 No. 0.83
01:26:45.000 Start that way. 0.83
01:26:46.000 Bad haircuts and horrible clothing.
01:26:50.000 We've got to figure out a way to filter every human being through some sort of analysis. 1.00
01:26:55.000 Something that lets you know how fucked up they are and why. 0.99
01:26:58.000 If we could ever measure with a machine, psychological fucked up-edness. 1.00
01:27:04.000 If there's a machine, you could talk all the shit you want, but I'm going to send you through a machine and the machine comes out like, oh, no, no, no. 1.00
01:27:10.000 This guy's fucking crazy. 1.00
01:27:12.000 That would be bad, because then the government would use that machine, and so even though this guy's talking radically, logically and normally, we know in the back of his head that he's a suicide bomber. 1.00
01:27:21.000 They would cheat with the machine.
01:27:23.000 Yeah, they would cheat. 1.00
01:27:24.000 Just like the voting machines, the fucks. 0.99
01:27:28.000 I've just bought a home and going through the mortgage process I found to be very stressful. 0.99
01:27:33.000 The only reason why I mention this is because of the terrorist thing.
01:27:36.000 They asked to see, they sat me down because I'm not a citizen, right?
01:27:42.000 So they asked to see what all my checks were deposited, my big money checks that had gone in there, what were they and why did I get these checks, right?
01:27:50.000 To see if I was a terrorist. 1.00
01:27:52.000 First of all, I had to be an idiot. 1.00
01:27:54.000 But they were all like the Chuckle Hut. 1.00
01:27:57.000 Bananas.
01:27:58.000 Like, it was all comedy related.
01:28:00.000 And I was going, that one's comedy as well.
01:28:02.000 That one's also comedy.
01:28:04.000 Yes?
01:28:05.000 No, that one's comedy.
01:28:06.000 Who's Caroline? 0.99
01:28:07.000 She's comedy as well.
01:28:09.000 That's hilarious.
01:28:11.000 I don't know if Americans have to do that, but I was asked whether it was to fund terrorist stuff.
01:28:17.000 Wow.
01:28:18.000 Wow.
01:28:19.000 That's fascinating.
01:28:20.000 What's the point? 1.00
01:28:21.000 I'd have to be the biggest fucking idiot terrorist in the world to go, comedy club, comedy club, comedy club. 1.00
01:28:26.000 Now that one, our creator. 1.00
01:28:29.000 That one is.
01:28:29.000 That one's a bad one.
01:28:31.000 Yeah, right?
01:28:32.000 Like it's all comedy clubs and sometimes training in the mountains of Turkey.
01:28:36.000 Yeah. 0.98
01:28:38.000 You ever see those training videos where the dudes are running with, like, fucking the rifles over their heads? 0.75
01:28:43.000 They have, like, the traditional Afghani outfits on? 0.94
01:28:46.000 It's really fascinating, man.
01:28:48.000 Fascinating, those training footages, the terrorist training footages. 0.99
01:28:51.000 Like, you bitches are out of shape. 1.00
01:28:54.000 Like, look at you. 1.00
01:28:54.000 What kind of fucking killer? 1.00
01:28:55.000 Oh, no, it is like a little league team trying to play the Yankees. 1.00
01:28:59.000 Yeah, exactly.
01:29:00.000 We're getting ready.
01:29:01.000 We have got your bats now.
01:29:02.000 Look at this.
01:29:03.000 With our homemade ball.
01:29:05.000 We do not have a ball, so we have got rubber bands and tape, and we have got the tape over and over, and it's covered in some yuck.
01:29:13.000 One of the big UFC fighters got popped for steroids this week.
01:29:17.000 Not steroids, but he tested Alistair Overeem, tested his testosterone to estrogen was 14 to 1. Wow.
01:29:28.000 Yeah, which is like normal.
01:29:30.000 A normal person is 1 to 1. And they allow four to one.
01:29:35.000 Right.
01:29:36.000 And Nevada allows six to one because that used to be the standard until recently.
01:29:40.000 So he shouldn't...
01:29:41.000 Had all of his hair fallen out and stuff?
01:29:44.000 No, no, dude. 0.99
01:29:44.000 But he looks like a goddamn superhero. 0.99
01:29:46.000 He looks like a superhero in a movie. 1.00
01:29:48.000 Alistair Overeem is not gay.
01:29:50.000 I'm not gay or anything.
01:29:51.000 But...
01:29:53.000 You're not gay or anything?
01:29:55.000 You're not anything.
01:29:56.000 When I'm talking about a man, it's anything right now.
01:29:59.000 There's nothing sexual about what I'm saying.
01:30:00.000 But he's absolutely the most unrealistically built human I've ever seen.
01:30:06.000 Like, if you see him...
01:30:08.000 Yeah, but the perfect size.
01:30:10.000 The guy, he's smaller than Lou Ferrigno, but ridiculously big.
01:30:15.000 You see him, you're like, what?
01:30:16.000 They call him Uberim. 0.97
01:30:18.000 Ridiculous build.
01:30:19.000 But he used to fight at 205. He used to be a much smaller, much skinnier guy, and he packed out all this weight. 0.83
01:30:24.000 And so they don't know what caused this guy to test so high, but it's most likely that he was supplementing his body's natural hormones.
01:30:33.000 I thought most of them were probably on some type of injection.
01:30:37.000 I would wonder what the real numbers are, man.
01:30:40.000 I would wonder.
01:30:40.000 But they're doing things like this now, and they're going to find out.
01:30:43.000 They're going to catch a lot of people because what they're doing is they're doing it randomly.
01:30:47.000 Like, they show up for a press conference, no one told them they were going to be drug tested, and boom!
01:30:51.000 All of a sudden, the Nevada State Athletic Commission is, you know, taking samples from them.
01:30:56.000 Wow.
01:30:57.000 So they didn't have a chance to prepare for it.
01:30:58.000 In the past, what they would do is they would try to cycle off of it, but some people didn't.
01:31:04.000 And the people that didn't fucked it up for everybody else, because then people started testing positive, and then people started, like, they started overturning.
01:31:11.000 A few fights have been overturned because of it.
01:31:13.000 That should be a reality show. 0.97
01:31:14.000 Dana should make that, like, you know... 0.98
01:31:16.000 Where they just jump in like, alright, we're going to test you now.
01:31:19.000 That's a terrible idea.
01:31:21.000 That's a terrible idea.
01:31:22.000 I don't want to see that.
01:31:23.000 I think they're going to have to figure out how many people are actually doing this stuff.
01:31:28.000 I know for sure people have been caught.
01:31:31.000 So for sure people are doing it.
01:31:33.000 The estimations vary.
01:31:34.000 Some people say half.
01:31:36.000 Some people say almost all are doing something.
01:31:39.000 Some people say it's a small percentage.
01:31:40.000 You would have to go fight camp to fight camp and get guys on some sort of an anonymous poll where they were honest with you but knew that they weren't going to get in trouble for it.
01:31:50.000 Even then, I don't think people would be smart to tell the truth.
01:31:52.000 There's a long-standing tradition in almost every professional sport where people take things that make them better.
01:32:03.000 That's a fact.
01:32:04.000 And it's because they want to get better at that sport and their body just can't keep up the work pace.
01:32:09.000 Can't keep up the workload.
01:32:11.000 Can a guy get as big as Mark McGuire got without steroids?
01:32:14.000 Yeah, probably. 0.99
01:32:15.000 But that motherfucker better be eating ham sandwiches every 15 minutes and doing squats and deadlifts and he's not going to have a lot of time for baseball. 1.00
01:32:23.000 That's a goddamn power lifter physique. 1.00
01:32:26.000 And he got it by just bang! 1.00
01:32:28.000 Just slamming that needle in and pumping in that fucking Superman juice and... 0.99
01:32:34.000 And that's the way you get good at baseball. 0.99
01:32:36.000 And that bat felt like nothing to him.
01:32:38.000 He got up. 0.98
01:32:39.000 That guy was fucking massive when he was the home run king. 0.97
01:32:42.000 When it was him and Sammy Sosa were doing back and forth. 0.99
01:32:45.000 Both of them looked like fucking superheroes, man. 0.99
01:32:48.000 Just giant muscles. 1.00
01:32:49.000 And they would go up and PINK! And these fucking balls would go flying through the air into parking lots and shit. 1.00
01:32:56.000 And everybody loved it, but they didn't love how they did it. 1.00
01:32:59.000 And it's crazy that Mark McGuire is the only one who really kind of got off the hook about it.
01:33:03.000 He admitted it to get a coaching job after he retired, but he had shrunk down to a normal-sized person.
01:33:10.000 You look at Barry Bonds now.
01:33:11.000 He looks like at the beginning of his career.
01:33:14.000 Yeah.
01:33:14.000 Yeah, he slimmed down.
01:33:15.000 Yeah, yeah.
01:33:16.000 He just... 0.98
01:33:16.000 Well, you know, he was probably doing a lot of crazy shit in order to get better as he got older. 0.98
01:33:22.000 When you're in your 40s and you're just smashing balls or like Roger Clemens was just throwing crazy heat, he got better. 0.98
01:33:30.000 It's weird.
01:33:31.000 It's weird how you can dip.
01:33:33.000 It starts to show the signs of age and then you just charge right back up.
01:33:37.000 And everybody's like, well, that's terrible.
01:33:39.000 He's cheating.
01:33:39.000 He's cheating.
01:33:40.000 But I'm like, God damn it, look how crazy it is though that there's something that you can take that makes you better at sports. 0.98
01:33:46.000 And isn't like being better at sports, isn't being more athletic, isn't being more vibrant a sign of being healthy? 0.98
01:33:52.000 So shouldn't we be looking at this guy and go, isn't it amazing that modern science has allowed Barry Bonds to actually get better as he gets older?
01:34:01.000 And maybe allow him to take a little bit of this and a little bit of that as long as he's not getting too crazy.
01:34:08.000 Because look, without that, he was a very good baseball player anyway. 0.99
01:34:11.000 But with that, Jesus fucking Christ, did shit get fun at the ballpark? 0.99
01:34:16.000 And you look at Barry, he seems fine, you know? 1.00
01:34:19.000 I mean, no one's stepping in to stop, you know, Ralphie Mae from eating too much.
01:34:25.000 There's no one from the government that's stepping in in the name of comedy and stopping him from eating too much.
01:34:31.000 Is steroids a personal choice?
01:34:32.000 But is that making you better at comedy, though?
01:34:34.000 Is it a personal choice?
01:34:35.000 There's roid rage.
01:34:36.000 Roid rage is real.
01:34:38.000 My analogy was a terrible analogy.
01:34:40.000 Forget it.
01:34:41.000 It didn't make sense.
01:34:43.000 But what I was trying to say was that...
01:34:45.000 I guess it does make him way better at the sport.
01:34:48.000 But, I mean, why wouldn't something that makes you better at a sport be legal?
01:34:53.000 Shouldn't it be, like, used properly?
01:34:55.000 It seems to me that there's a lot of people that as they get older...
01:34:58.000 Isn't there arguments that it gives you cancer or whatever?
01:35:01.000 But everything does. 0.99
01:35:02.000 What the fuck doesn't give you cancer? 0.98
01:35:03.000 They can say anything gives you cancer at this point. 0.99
01:35:05.000 You know, I think a lot of people think cell phones, but there's no cases of it.
01:35:09.000 I don't think there's anybody who's ever...
01:35:10.000 Brain tumor from a cell phone.
01:35:12.000 Have you heard that?
01:35:12.000 There's people who claim they did.
01:35:14.000 Really?
01:35:15.000 Have there?
01:35:15.000 There's people who've gotten brain tumors, but they're not doctors who are saying this, but they've gone, oh, I think it's because...
01:35:20.000 There's so much toxic shit in a person's environment. 0.98
01:35:24.000 It's so possible if you're not careful with your diet and careful with your health. 0.99
01:35:29.000 You know, if you could be in the... 0.99
01:35:30.000 You could live someplace where you don't even realize it and the whole town's getting poisoned by some chemical leak or some shit. 0.94
01:35:36.000 That's happened a bunch of times. 0.96
01:35:37.000 That's real common.
01:35:40.000 It's very difficult out there, Jim Jefferies.
01:35:42.000 It is in this country.
01:35:44.000 It's very difficult.
01:35:45.000 More chemicals in the food.
01:35:47.000 Is it?
01:35:48.000 Do you find that food tastes different here than in Australia?
01:35:50.000 No, I find it harder in this country to keep my weight off, because the chemicals on it, and eating sort of the same amount, I find...
01:35:58.000 What is it different? 1.00
01:35:59.000 What kind of shit do you have? 1.00
01:36:00.000 Well, I think most beef in Australia is just grass-fed. 1.00
01:36:04.000 That isn't just like...
01:36:06.000 Which is the best for you.
01:36:07.000 Yeah, that isn't just an option.
01:36:08.000 I think that's just what beef is in Australia.
01:36:11.000 And things like MSG is just illegal.
01:36:14.000 Well, it's not over here.
01:36:15.000 Trans fats are just... 1.00
01:36:16.000 It should be illegal.
01:36:17.000 It's just illegal. 0.85
01:36:18.000 It's so ridiculous that that's not illegal. 0.95
01:36:19.000 Well, guess what, boys? 0.98
01:36:21.000 So should cigarettes, and you're both smokers.
01:36:23.000 Yeah, I mean, cigarettes is...
01:36:24.000 You know, if neither one of you could be hooked on cigarettes, wouldn't you choose to not be hooked on cigarettes?
01:36:28.000 No, but the thing about MSG is different.
01:36:32.000 I actually have a little reaction I get to MSG. I feel a bit twitchy if I've eaten it.
01:36:36.000 I know I've eaten it.
01:36:37.000 So when I go into a Chinese restaurant now, I have to go, do you have MSG? And they lie to you sometimes. 1.00
01:36:43.000 And sometimes they lie to me.
01:36:44.000 Right.
01:36:45.000 And how do you know?
01:36:46.000 I just feel a little bit on edge just afterwards.
01:36:48.000 Like my nerves are a bit, you know.
01:36:50.000 What's the official medical...
01:36:53.000 I don't know.
01:36:55.000 It's a very sort of, you know where you get that tingly feeling in your jaw?
01:37:01.000 Like that.
01:37:02.000 What's that?
01:37:03.000 That happens to me.
01:37:04.000 Wow.
01:37:07.000 Monosodium glutamate.
01:37:08.000 Yeah. 0.99
01:37:08.000 And all it is is a fucking tenderizer or whatever. 0.99
01:37:11.000 I thought it was like a flavor enhancer. 0.99
01:37:13.000 I think it makes meat softer and makes vegetables greener.
01:37:18.000 Huh, really?
01:37:19.000 You know what I mean?
01:37:20.000 It gives it colour and meets it.
01:37:22.000 Anyway, it's illegal in the restaurant.
01:37:23.000 Trans fats are illegal in the restaurant. 0.99
01:37:26.000 These are things you just don't fucking need and stuff. 0.96
01:37:29.000 We have a real problem in this country where the giant corporations have essentially completely bypassed the whole system of government and just controlled politicians. 0.93
01:37:39.000 I mean they just essentially just buy people out and that's what's been done in this country for the last Who knows?
01:37:46.000 The argument is forever. 0.98
01:37:47.000 But the point is, right now, the way things stand today, there's a lot of shit that's bad for you that's legal. 1.00
01:37:52.000 There's a lot of shit. 1.00
01:37:53.000 There's a lot of goddamn painkillers that are fucking terribly addictive and they're passing them out like cookies. 1.00
01:37:58.000 There's a lot of shit in this country that's fucked up. 1.00
01:38:02.000 It's a big mess. 1.00
01:38:07.000 Yeah. 0.99
01:38:10.000 Fucking fix this, you know? 0.99
01:38:12.000 What would you do, Jim Jeffries, as an outsider? 0.99
01:38:14.000 What would I do?
01:38:16.000 What, to fix America?
01:38:18.000 Yeah.
01:38:19.000 I'd bring in healthcare.
01:38:20.000 I'm a big believer in healthcare.
01:38:21.000 Healthcare would do it?
01:38:23.000 Healthcare, I believe, is essential in a modern society.
01:38:28.000 I can't listen to anyone.
01:38:30.000 I've lived in Britain where the healthcare's good, and I've lived in Australia where the healthcare's great.
01:38:35.000 And the arguments that sort of in Republican and on talk like radio where they go, I won't have as good healthcare and what about my great healthcare I have now and then I'll have...
01:38:44.000 You can still get private healthcare cover.
01:38:47.000 This is what people don't get.
01:38:48.000 You can still get the good private stuff.
01:38:50.000 But you won't...
01:38:53.000 You won't have an ailment and not treat it.
01:38:55.000 Yeah, you'll never know the price of one of your ailments.
01:38:57.000 Right.
01:38:57.000 That's the whole thing.
01:38:58.000 Never know the price.
01:38:59.000 So at the moment, I got a couple of moles cut out of my back because I had some cancerous moles in my back cut out, right?
01:39:04.000 Whoa.
01:39:04.000 The doctor I was with the dermatologist was like, it's $1,400 to do this.
01:39:08.000 And I was thinking, that can't fucking be $1,400 to do, right?
01:39:12.000 So I went and checked with another dermatologist and they said $500. 0.89
01:39:17.000 Now, if I just had...
01:39:19.000 What happens with private healthcare cover in Britain?
01:39:22.000 Everyone gets the same doctors, but if you're just using public healthcare, you put on a waiting list.
01:39:28.000 So they might look at your mole and go, alright, you're two months before you can get that cut out.
01:39:32.000 Where if you have the private stuff on top, you go straight to the beginning of the list.
01:39:37.000 But I never know how much I'm paying or how much they're charging or whatever.
01:39:40.000 So it's regulated a lot better. 0.98
01:39:42.000 Over here, it feels like getting quotes from fucking mechanics. 0.97
01:39:45.000 Yeah, it's totally like that. 0.99
01:39:46.000 Especially dentists out here are the worst.
01:39:48.000 Like, dentists almost are trying to upgrade you with certain things that you pretty much don't need.
01:39:53.000 Yeah, going, oh, you think you need a filling here because there weren't a few. 1.00
01:39:56.000 It's fucking bullshit. 1.00
01:39:57.000 Yeah, my dad's trying to give me Invisalign. 1.00
01:39:59.000 Yeah.
01:40:00.000 Mine was trying to give me...
01:40:01.000 I got a little bit of crooked teeth.
01:40:04.000 Yeah, yeah.
01:40:04.000 My bottom, a couple of them are crooked.
01:40:06.000 Like, fuck out of here, bitch. 1.00
01:40:07.000 There's a lot. 1.00
01:40:08.000 Oh, it's like invisible braces?
01:40:09.000 Yeah, little braces.
01:40:10.000 Dude, if you're going to get braces, you better get just regular braces.
01:40:13.000 You know, some dudes got braces and it helped them a lot. 0.98
01:40:16.000 Like, Frank Shamrock got braces, but his teeth were fucked up. 0.99
01:40:19.000 My teeth are not that fucked up. 0.99
01:40:20.000 Remember when, like, Tom Cruise did it, like, a few years ago, like, five years ago? 0.98
01:40:23.000 Yeah.
01:40:24.000 But it was all as long as his teeth before. 0.99
01:40:25.000 I don't remember ever looking at his teeth like, oh, Tom's fucked. 1.00
01:40:29.000 I don't know, he's probably crazy. 1.00
01:40:31.000 If you're that famous, he must be completely out of your fucking mind. 1.00
01:40:34.000 How do you beat Tom Cruise? 1.00
01:40:35.000 That guy can't go anywhere in the world without someone knowing who he is. 0.96
01:40:38.000 And yet, he's in a crazy cult organization, and yet there's rumors of him being gay. 0.82
01:40:45.000 I mean, you want to talk about a dark circle of secrets. 0.94
01:40:50.000 If Tom Cruise really is gay, that would be the ultimate reality show. 1.00
01:40:53.000 And it's a rumor that people just never shut up.
01:40:56.000 And I will say, even people...
01:40:58.000 In the industry?
01:41:00.000 Yeah.
01:41:00.000 Oh, dude.
01:41:00.000 I've heard it from so many people that...
01:41:02.000 I've heard people say that they thought he was out.
01:41:05.000 Him and Travolta.
01:41:06.000 Yeah, exactly.
01:41:08.000 Especially Travolta.
01:41:09.000 Travolta, I think, is.
01:41:10.000 They caught him with a photo of him kissing a guy.
01:41:12.000 A photo of him kissing a guy getting on his plane.
01:41:14.000 Yeah.
01:41:15.000 And he was the nanny.
01:41:16.000 And he was like, come on, man.
01:41:18.000 You know, I mean, maybe this is just weird like that.
01:41:20.000 He could just be... 0.70
01:41:21.000 But there's a lot of people that say they've had sex with him. 0.94
01:41:24.000 And he's just, whatever, man. 1.00
01:41:26.000 Let the guy be gay. 1.00
01:41:27.000 Who gives a shit? 1.00
01:41:28.000 Yeah, I didn't give a shit if he was gay. 1.00
01:41:29.000 I would be happier for the guy if he would just come out. 0.99
01:41:32.000 Nobody cares. 0.99
01:41:33.000 It's goddamn John Travolta. 0.99
01:41:34.000 People love him. 0.99
01:41:35.000 They love him from Saturday Night Fever.
01:41:37.000 They love him from Pulp Fiction.
01:41:39.000 We personally know, of course we're not going to say, but we personally know comedians who are gay who keep it under wraps as well. 1.00
01:41:46.000 It's the saddest shit ever, isn't it? 0.99
01:41:47.000 And I always think comics especially, we're meant to be the most honest of them all. 0.99
01:41:52.000 Yeah, exactly.
01:41:52.000 Yeah, I mean, we're not playing characters, we're playing ourselves.
01:41:55.000 I feel like, and there's some of them where...
01:42:00.000 Like Eddie F's. 0.99
01:42:01.000 No.
01:42:03.000 I'm going to say something.
01:42:05.000 You tell me if you agree.
01:42:07.000 I find that the ones that keep it in the closet, they always have a problem with creativity.
01:42:11.000 They always have a problem with coming up with new material.
01:42:13.000 Because they're not really alive in their own life, like free and open.
01:42:19.000 They're not unrestricted.
01:42:21.000 So it's more difficult for them to come up with material.
01:42:24.000 Especially because they can't draw on real life experiences, the gay stuff. 1.00
01:42:27.000 So they're really in this weird pocket of bullshit. 0.99
01:42:31.000 Well, there's the ones that are gay that you're not even allowed to say it to them, and then there's the ones that, amongst the comedy community, we can all say the person's gay. 1.00
01:42:39.000 Right, right, right.
01:42:40.000 But, you know, there's a fairly famous older black gentleman who we all know, and he gets angry if you...
01:42:47.000 Oh, yeah, he'll get very mad.
01:42:49.000 Yeah, you know what I mean?
01:42:50.000 Yeah.
01:42:51.000 He's old school.
01:42:51.000 He'll fight you.
01:42:52.000 Yeah, he'll fight you on it.
01:42:55.000 There's more than one of those, by the way.
01:42:57.000 There's more than one of those.
01:42:58.000 I could have been talking about either one of them. 0.95
01:43:01.000 I think it might be harder in the black community, and that might be very ignorant of me to say that, but I think it might be harder in the black community of that generation. 0.95
01:43:09.000 I'd be willing to guess yes. 0.97
01:43:11.000 I don't know, though.
01:43:12.000 Yeah, I don't know, but I think...
01:43:14.000 If I had a time machine, I don't think I'd go back in time to the black community of that generation. 1.00
01:43:17.000 I never remember an episode of Good Times where they went, oh, here's Kay Barry.
01:43:23.000 Yeah.
01:43:24.000 Dynamite.
01:43:25.000 Yeah, right?
01:43:25.000 Oh my God.
01:43:28.000 I don't know, maybe.
01:43:29.000 It would suck though. 0.98
01:43:30.000 Dom Herrera is so fucking funny. 1.00
01:43:32.000 He said, I wish I was gay just so I could come out. 0.99
01:43:37.000 But he really is that guy. 1.00
01:43:39.000 He does not give a fuck. 1.00
01:43:41.000 Like, he's not pretending to not give a fuck. 1.00
01:43:43.000 He really doesn't give a fuck. 1.00
01:43:44.000 So when he says something, I wish I was gay just so I could come out. 1.00
01:43:48.000 It's like extra funny.
01:43:49.000 It is like an extra little treat they get in life.
01:43:52.000 Yeah, coming out.
01:43:54.000 Yeah, and have everybody embrace you.
01:43:55.000 We love you for your personality.
01:43:56.000 Yeah, I'd love to have people ring me up one day and go, I still love you.
01:44:01.000 Just for no reason.
01:44:03.000 People who haven't said they love me ever just to say they still love me once, that would be fucking awesome.
01:44:08.000 Yeah, I think in the people that you lose if you're a gay guy and you come out of the closet, do you really want that guy in your life? 0.99
01:44:14.000 No, you don't want them.
01:44:15.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:44:15.000 But see, then you get the dumb one. 1.00
01:44:16.000 Say you lose a granddad, but then a few years later he's like, you know what? 0.99
01:44:20.000 I want to be back in your life again.
01:44:22.000 And then you get another little present.
01:44:24.000 On top!
01:44:25.000 If you're granddad, but then what if he just talks about it while you're fishing? 0.99
01:44:28.000 How many jokes you suck last week? 0.99
01:44:29.000 Tell your grandpa. 1.00
01:44:30.000 You fucking freak. 1.00
01:44:33.000 You can't just be with a girl. 1.00
01:44:34.000 Is it really that bad?
01:44:35.000 Girls are pretty. 1.00
01:44:36.000 All of a sudden you're stuck on a boat with an angry grandpa.
01:44:39.000 He has a remarkable truth to that.
01:44:42.000 Girls are very pretty. 1.00
01:44:43.000 He is right.
01:44:45.000 A lot of them are.
01:44:46.000 That's the confusing thing about homosexuality.
01:44:49.000 What are they thinking?
01:44:50.000 Well, the confusing thing about heterosexuality...
01:44:52.000 I will fight for their right to think that way, but I'll never understand it. 0.99
01:44:55.000 The confusing thing about heterosexuality is what the fuck do the girls see in us? 1.00
01:44:59.000 I don't understand why anyone's fucking men. 1.00
01:45:02.000 On either side. 1.00
01:45:03.000 No one should be fucking men. 0.99
01:45:06.000 Yeah, it doesn't look like fun to me. 1.00
01:45:08.000 Especially when you get into weird shit that you'll never understand. 0.99
01:45:10.000 Like, girls will want to be choked. 1.00
01:45:12.000 Like, can you even relate to that? 0.99
01:45:13.000 We had a contortionist last night on the Naughty Show, and she can, like, put her leg up here, and she likes to be choked while fucking, like... 1.00
01:45:21.000 Wow. 0.99
01:45:22.000 That's crazy.
01:45:22.000 She likes to triangle herself.
01:45:23.000 Yeah, triangle herself. 0.99
01:45:24.000 She puts her leg over her shoulders? 1.00
01:45:26.000 Yeah.
01:45:26.000 Does she lock it up?
01:45:27.000 Yeah.
01:45:27.000 Whoa.
01:45:28.000 She triangles herself.
01:45:29.000 Well, that's good because then...
01:45:30.000 Wow.
01:45:31.000 Because you ever choked a girl and then you got that bit where their eyes are just rolled back a bit and you got to...
01:45:37.000 I'm trying to think if I could triangle myself.
01:45:39.000 I don't think you could.
01:45:40.000 You gotta see it, man.
01:45:42.000 I'm pretty flexible.
01:45:43.000 She bent her legs up and put it behind her back. 0.99
01:45:45.000 Even though you're flexible, I don't think your legs are long enough.
01:45:50.000 Too much.
01:45:50.000 A girl's leg is longer than a male's leg, proportionally.
01:45:53.000 Well, not only that, there's also the body's thinner, so you can compress it more.
01:45:58.000 You know, when you've got body mass, it makes it more difficult to flatten out.
01:46:01.000 Sure.
01:46:02.000 But you'd have to be in some serious, flexible.
01:46:04.000 So she chokes herself, and then what happens?
01:46:06.000 She was just showing us what her favorite thing... 1.00
01:46:08.000 While she's getting fucked? 1.00
01:46:09.000 She was telling you that? 1.00
01:46:10.000 Wow, that's a green light, son. 1.00
01:46:12.000 That girl wants to fuck. 1.00
01:46:13.000 Was anybody with her? 1.00
01:46:14.000 Dude, they're both.
01:46:15.000 They do burlesque here in Los Angeles. 1.00
01:46:18.000 And she was letting you know what position she likes to be in when she gets extremely violently fucked. 1.00
01:46:23.000 Somehow I came up to that, yeah. 0.99
01:46:25.000 Dude, you need to jump on that grenade.
01:46:27.000 Like a loyal soldier, you need to jump on that grenade.
01:46:29.000 Oh, no, no, no.
01:46:30.000 Help.
01:46:31.000 Someone.
01:46:32.000 Someone.
01:46:32.000 I think she has a boyfriend.
01:46:33.000 Good for her.
01:46:34.000 What a good kid.
01:46:36.000 What a lucky fella. 1.00
01:46:37.000 That lad, he lucked out.
01:46:38.000 She's like this close. 1.00
01:46:39.000 She said she was this close from being able to eat her own pussy. 1.00
01:46:42.000 I've seen girls eat their own pussy. 1.00
01:46:44.000 I have seen a girl do that. 1.00
01:46:45.000 It's crazy.
01:46:46.000 I've cut it out first to feed it.
01:46:47.000 Oh! 0.60
01:46:49.000 Jeffries again!
01:46:51.000 Score!
01:46:53.000 I told you about it.
01:46:54.000 I could touch the tip of my... 0.98
01:46:56.000 Guys, I have to piss so bad. 0.99
01:46:57.000 Please talk for me.
01:46:57.000 Well, actually, I've got to get going soon.
01:46:59.000 Should we wrap it up?
01:47:00.000 Let me piss and then we'll wrap it up. 1.00
01:47:02.000 I could touch the tip of my penis with my tongue. 1.00
01:47:06.000 With your tongue. 1.00
01:47:07.000 But once I do it, I'm like, this is the gayest thing I've ever... 1.00
01:47:09.000 It's ridiculous, isn't it? 0.98
01:47:11.000 It's like, why would I want to do that? 0.51
01:47:13.000 Yeah, I've never been able to do that, but I don't think I'd even...
01:47:17.000 I think you would do it once just to have the...
01:47:19.000 Yeah, it was like an elbow.
01:47:21.000 Pretty much.
01:47:22.000 It was like an elbow?
01:47:23.000 What, like, tastes like an elbow?
01:47:24.000 It just felt like an elbow, like, on your tongue.
01:47:27.000 I can't touch my elbow with my tongue.
01:47:29.000 Whose elbows have you been licking? 0.99
01:47:31.000 Well, I guess I can do it.
01:47:33.000 No, you can't.
01:47:35.000 Almost.
01:47:36.000 No, not the tip.
01:47:37.000 See, you can't lick your elbow.
01:47:38.000 I must have licked some other girls' elbows. 1.00
01:47:40.000 Yeah, I've probably nibbled on a couple of girls. 1.00
01:47:42.000 So the top of your cock tastes like a girl's elbow. 1.00
01:47:45.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:47:46.000 That's good.
01:47:48.000 So you have your own podcast. 1.00
01:47:49.000 Now every time I lick a girl's elbow, I'm going to feel like I'm sucking a cock. 1.00
01:47:53.000 You have your own podcast with Eddie Iff called Talking Shit on iTunes. 1.00
01:47:59.000 Now, Eddie's always asking me. 1.00
01:48:01.000 Eddie's always telling me about how iTunes is always taking down your shit. 0.99
01:48:05.000 Did they stop? 1.00
01:48:05.000 Did they back off? 1.00
01:48:06.000 At the moment we're on, but we never get on New or Noteworthy or anything like that.
01:48:09.000 We never get into the little thing, but that's okay.
01:48:12.000 Have you ever thought about just changing the name?
01:48:14.000 Eddie's very attached to it.
01:48:17.000 You know, I'm not too bothered.
01:48:19.000 By what?
01:48:20.000 By changing the name of the podcast because iTunes took us down a couple of times.
01:48:23.000 Oh, yeah.
01:48:24.000 What would you call it? 0.99
01:48:25.000 Well, at the moment, it's still talking shit, but we just moved the S over to talking, so it's talking's hit. 0.99
01:48:32.000 Oh. 0.99
01:48:33.000 I used to do that with Pepsi Space when I did the Pepsi Space project.
01:48:36.000 Oh, talking's hit?
01:48:37.000 Yeah.
01:48:38.000 That's not bad.
01:48:39.000 That's actually good.
01:48:41.000 Yeah, talking's hit.
01:48:41.000 That's not bad.
01:48:42.000 Yeah.
01:48:43.000 Leave it there.
01:48:43.000 Yeah.
01:48:44.000 Everybody knows what the fuck it says. 0.99
01:48:46.000 Mm-hmm. 0.99
01:48:47.000 It's weird, isn't it? 0.99
01:48:48.000 Can't have shit on iTunes, really? 0.98
01:48:50.000 But what could be in the podcast? 0.99
01:48:51.000 Anything. 0.99
01:48:53.000 You could offend someone to see the word shit. 0.99
01:48:55.000 You know, what kind of clientele are you dealing with? 1.00
01:48:57.000 Well, it's in that Marc Maron has WTF. Everyone knows what that means.
01:49:02.000 Yeah.
01:49:03.000 You know?
01:49:03.000 Like, as long as it's abbreviated.
01:49:06.000 Yeah.
01:49:06.000 But I always find how insulting it is when you get the swear word that's made out of question marks and at symbols.
01:49:14.000 Yeah.
01:49:14.000 You know what gets me?
01:49:16.000 Freaking. 0.99
01:49:16.000 This freaking guy pulls this freaking car, and someone can do that in front of kids, they can do that in front of old people. 0.99
01:49:22.000 You could say freaking in front of anybody. 0.99
01:49:24.000 I've seen...
01:49:25.000 It's just a lot of kids translating. 0.94
01:49:28.000 Well, it's silly. 0.98
01:49:30.000 Freaking is silly. 1.00
01:49:31.000 You're saying fucking. 1.00
01:49:32.000 You're saying fucking. 1.00
01:49:33.000 This fucking guy cut me off. 1.00
01:49:35.000 You're saying that. 1.00
01:49:36.000 But you're saying it to me in this weird, reserved way, by saying freaking. 0.77
01:49:39.000 The Irish have a word called feck. 0.97
01:49:43.000 Feck. 0.90
01:49:43.000 F-E-C-K? You fecking idiot. 0.90
01:49:45.000 You fecking fecking feck. 1.00
01:49:47.000 Feck, feck, feck, feck. 1.00
01:49:48.000 You know, they had on CNN, they said, fucking, over and over and over again. 1.00
01:49:52.000 Because they're playing back this tape from that Zimmerman guy. 0.99
01:49:55.000 The 911 call, the guy who supposedly, well, he did kill that Trayvon Martin kid.
01:50:00.000 Right, right, right.
01:50:01.000 Well, they were wondering whether or not he said, he was on, they recorded his phone call with the 911 guy. 1.00
01:50:06.000 They were wondering whether he said, fucking coon. 0.99
01:50:11.000 So they're playing over and over and over. 0.99
01:50:13.000 They bring in all these special enhancements, and at the end, they believe he was saying, fucking cold, because it was raining and cold that day in Florida. 0.80
01:50:22.000 But the minute they spent 15 minutes playing this back and forth, talking about it, and Wolf Blitzer saying, so now, ladies and gentlemen, if you have kids, please, I'd like you to ask them to leave the room right now. 0.95
01:50:33.000 You're going to hear some very strong language. 1.00
01:50:36.000 We have brought in a voice expert who has analyzed Mr. Zimmerman's tone, and he plays it back, fucking coons, fucking coons, fucking coons, and then they have brought in a new guy. 1.00
01:50:49.000 It's really kind of fucked up that they did this this way, because then they brought in like a new recording, and they said, well, now in this new recording, Yeah, you hear the guy say fucking cold soul you already had that information but you played all this other shit where it said fucking coon fucking coon you knew that's not what he said 1.00
01:51:17.000 you drew people in and kept me listening tricking me with your old information You played back your old information to rope people and you fucking... 1.00
01:51:27.000 Whoever did that is dirty. 1.00
01:51:30.000 That's a dirty move. 1.00
01:51:31.000 Fucking... 1.00
01:51:32.000 Because I was hearing that guy. 1.00
01:51:33.000 My opinion changed of him.
01:51:35.000 As I was driving, my opinion changed. 0.99
01:51:37.000 I'm hearing fucking coon. 1.00
01:51:38.000 I'm like, whoa, he's calling fucking coon? 1.00
01:51:40.000 Really? 1.00
01:51:41.000 Like, wow, this motherfucker's on phone? 1.00
01:51:44.000 He's on 911 and he's calling this kid a fucking coon. 1.00
01:51:47.000 This is what they had me believing. 1.00
01:51:49.000 And then I'm like, wow, that guy was probably a piece of shit. 1.00
01:51:51.000 And then I hear him, fucking cold. 1.00
01:51:53.000 I'm like, oh, he's kind of a bitch. 1.00
01:51:54.000 Kind of a whiner. 1.00
01:51:56.000 Which makes sense in the first place.
01:51:58.000 Even if his story is true.
01:52:00.000 If the 17-year-old kid's on top of him beating him up.
01:52:02.000 I also have to urinate. 1.00
01:52:04.000 Dude, let's get this fucking thing over with. 0.99
01:52:06.000 If you look for Jim on Twitter, it's Jeff Uries. 0.99
01:52:11.000 Jeff Uries.
01:52:11.000 J-E-F-F-E-R-I-S. I fucked up and tweeted earlier.
01:52:15.000 There's another guy who impersonates me on the other spelling. 1.00
01:52:18.000 Some fake-ass bitch. 1.00
01:52:20.000 There's a lot of them out there, folks. 1.00
01:52:22.000 Don't be one!
01:52:23.000 You have the power to control your life, right?
01:52:26.000 Yeah, you certainly do.
01:52:27.000 You do?
01:52:27.000 I don't know.
01:52:28.000 You can give it a go.
01:52:29.000 Give it a go! 0.99
01:52:30.000 Check out their podcast.
01:52:31.000 Check out the Death Squad where we will be doing an Ice House Chronicles tomorrow night.
01:52:35.000 Tonight.
01:52:36.000 Oh, tonight.
01:52:37.000 What's today?
01:52:37.000 Friday?
01:52:38.000 We're about to go right now. 1.00
01:52:38.000 Oh, shit. 1.00
01:52:38.000 We're going to do another podcast. 1.00
01:52:39.000 Moments from now!
01:52:40.000 By the time you hear this, if you're in your car, it's already taking place.
01:52:42.000 The only way to hear it, though, is to go to Death Squad on iTunes and subscribe.
01:52:47.000 And there's a bunch of other podcasts in there.
01:52:49.000 All of them, at this point in time, all of them are funny.
01:52:51.000 Are you happy with all of them?
01:52:52.000 I'm really happy with some new ones.
01:52:54.000 We've got Dana D'Armon and Ryan Keighley.
01:52:57.000 Oh, I didn't know.
01:52:58.000 Muff Said's a comic book one.
01:53:00.000 And then last night we started Sex Squad back up with beautiful new host Dana D'Armon. 0.70
01:53:04.000 How are you going to do that?
01:53:05.000 Are the girls still calling it Sex Squad? 1.00
01:53:08.000 I don't care what she does. 1.00
01:53:09.000 Oh, come on, Brian. 0.99
01:53:11.000 You're confusing the shit out of people. 0.99
01:53:13.000 She's confusing the shit out of people. 0.99
01:53:14.000 I say you let them have that. 0.99
01:53:17.000 I say you be a bigger, better man.
01:53:19.000 It has the word squad in it.
01:53:21.000 It wasn't her show.
01:53:22.000 Yeah, but there's a lot of people who have sex squads. 1.00
01:53:26.000 I didn't really want to talk about this, but let's talk about this real quick.
01:53:28.000 I go to somebody and go like, hey, I want to do a show on my podcast.
01:53:32.000 It's a sex-based podcast, and I'm going to call it Sexcast.
01:53:37.000 And then Jaden Cole goes, why don't you just call it Sex Squad?
01:53:41.000 And I'm like, okay, yeah, that makes sense.
01:53:42.000 And then I'm like, hey, do you want to come on the show?
01:53:44.000 And then do you want to come on the show with somebody else and somebody else?
01:53:46.000 And then they just kind of stop talking to me and be like, hey, we're taking a show.
01:53:50.000 Listen, I completely agree with you on that they should have said something to you and that's not cool for them to leave and take the name.
01:53:59.000 But all I'm saying is...
01:54:01.000 Let them.
01:54:02.000 What do you care?
01:54:03.000 You can have another name.
01:54:04.000 They could take another name.
01:54:05.000 But why?
01:54:06.000 You know why?
01:54:06.000 Because I created a show.
01:54:08.000 I was co-host of the show.
01:54:08.000 I paid for the show.
01:54:10.000 I did the show.
01:54:11.000 And it was not their show to begin with.
01:54:13.000 They were people on the show.
01:54:16.000 I understand.
01:54:17.000 But they wanted to go and do it on their own.
01:54:19.000 They should have changed the name.
01:54:20.000 But why wouldn't you just give it to them? 0.99
01:54:22.000 Because I don't give a fuck. 1.00
01:54:23.000 You know, I don't give a fuck. 1.00
01:54:25.000 Okay, I would just say that, you know, the other girls... 1.00
01:54:28.000 You're, like, pretty much telling me, like, right now, don't use that avatar on Facebook.
01:54:32.000 No, that's not what I'm saying, man.
01:54:34.000 Yes, you are.
01:54:34.000 I'm saying, look, you were going to do this show with them.
01:54:37.000 You're not going to do it anymore.
01:54:38.000 You're going to do another one.
01:54:39.000 And it was supposed to not be with them, 100%.
01:54:41.000 It was supposed to be other people on the show.
01:54:43.000 It was them sometimes, and they kind of just took and squatted on the show.
01:54:46.000 But didn't you only do it with them?
01:54:48.000 Yeah, but Ryan Keely and a couple other people were supposed to be on the show at points of time, but they kind of talked me out of it type stuff.
01:54:57.000 Okay, so they did talk you out of it though, and all the episodes they did were with just them.
01:55:01.000 No, one time they had Ari Shafir, but I was the host of the show.
01:55:05.000 Okay.
01:55:06.000 I'm the one that first was like, hey, this is Brian coming here from Icehouse.
01:55:09.000 We're here again.
01:55:10.000 What's up, Jaden?
01:55:10.000 How are you doing today?
01:55:11.000 But in all fairness, in all fairness, and I'm on your side for this, because first of all, you can't just take a guy's show if he's the host of it, and you're on it, and you tell him, and run somewhere else.
01:55:21.000 But...
01:55:21.000 Didn't that Jaden Cole guy, didn't she actually come up with a name?
01:55:25.000 I just told you exactly what happened.
01:55:26.000 I said I wanted to do a podcast.
01:55:28.000 It was called Sex Cast. 0.78
01:55:29.000 And she goes, you should call it Sex Squad because it's on the Death Squad podcast now.
01:55:35.000 Yes, I heard that.
01:55:36.000 But that's her name then.
01:55:37.000 She invented it. 0.99
01:55:38.000 She could do whatever she fucking wants. 1.00
01:55:40.000 I'm the one that fucking used it and paid for it and made a podcast with it. 1.00
01:55:43.000 You're getting crazy. 1.00
01:55:45.000 Getting so angry. 0.79
01:55:46.000 Without a death, without me creating death, or me using death squad, her knowing death squad, would she have ever used the word squad?
01:55:52.000 Who knows?
01:55:53.000 Exactly.
01:55:53.000 So she could say that she took half of 50% of it from me.
01:55:56.000 But isn't there other sex squads online? 0.99
01:55:59.000 There's a fucking ton of sex squads. 0.99
01:56:01.000 I didn't create sex online. 1.00
01:56:01.000 Opie Den, Anthony, Noah, or whatever. 1.00
01:56:05.000 There's actually another company that makes sexual harassment videos for a fucking school. 1.00
01:56:10.000 So it's not even something that's original anyway. 0.98
01:56:13.000 I know, dude, but all I'm saying is, look, she shouldn't have taken it, for sure.
01:56:17.000 No, no, you know what she should have taken it? 0.76
01:56:20.000 I could fucking sit here and show you about 50 text messages that I got from Jade and James. 0.96
01:56:25.000 Wait, wait, I could do that? 0.99
01:56:26.000 But I didn't.
01:56:27.000 But you know what she did? 1.00
01:56:28.000 She went on her website, made blogs about it, fucking posted shit about it. 1.00
01:56:32.000 I could show the shit that she was saying. 1.00
01:56:34.000 Don't you kind of feel bad that that's her? 1.00
01:56:36.000 That that's what she's doing?
01:56:37.000 Don't you kind of feel bad?
01:56:38.000 Don't you feel bad about this whole situation?
01:56:39.000 I feel bad, but you know what?
01:56:40.000 What?
01:56:40.000 They're not using the Sex Squad name.
01:56:42.000 They started the first Tuesday show.
01:56:43.000 They're calling it something like Sex Squid.
01:56:45.000 It's just spelled all funky.
01:56:46.000 No, it's Sex Squad.
01:56:47.000 It's just spelled different. 1.00
01:56:48.000 Let them do whatever the fuck they want. 1.00
01:56:49.000 I don't give a shit. 0.99
01:56:50.000 All I said is, why don't you please not use the word squad because it confuses a show that we already started with Sex Squad. 0.98
01:56:57.000 Let me just clarify one thing. 0.98
01:57:00.000 I don't ever like to get as worked up about a stupid name as you just did. 1.00
01:57:05.000 Well, I don't like to get bashed on somebody's... 1.00
01:57:06.000 Joe, if you got bashed on somebody's website, you'd get mad, wouldn't you?
01:57:10.000 Listen, listen.
01:57:10.000 You're not getting bashed by a balanced person.
01:57:12.000 I certainly would.
01:57:13.000 But you could have avoided this conflict with her.
01:57:16.000 If she wants to do cuntish things and take that elsewhere, you tell her no. 0.98
01:57:20.000 Look, I thought Jaden Cole was a good friend of mine. 0.98
01:57:23.000 She didn't fucking say one word to me. 1.00
01:57:25.000 She didn't make one call. 0.99
01:57:26.000 They said that I didn't return phone calls and stuff. 0.99
01:57:28.000 They made shit up about me. 1.00
01:57:30.000 They can fucking eat a dick. 1.00
01:57:31.000 That's unfortunate. 1.00
01:57:32.000 That's called fucking slander and I didn't even fucking do shit. 1.00
01:57:35.000 But listen to all these fuckers that are coming out of your mouth. 1.00
01:57:37.000 Don't even let them have that kind of power over you, man. 1.00
01:57:39.000 Just cut them loose. 0.99
01:57:40.000 Cut them loose in life. 0.99
01:57:42.000 Don't hate on them.
01:57:43.000 Anyways, the new podcast is great.
01:57:46.000 Okay, I'm glad.
01:57:47.000 We called another name. 0.87
01:57:50.000 The new Sex Squad? 0.78
01:57:51.000 How about that?
01:57:52.000 The new Sex Squad review? 0.93
01:57:53.000 It's Butt Sex Squad with Dana Tierran. 0.99
01:57:56.000 Dana and her giant butt. 1.00
01:57:58.000 Remember when you told us she has a giant butt? 1.00
01:57:59.000 She's awesome. 0.98
01:58:00.000 Listen, man, I don't like seeing you get all worked up like that. 0.99
01:58:03.000 I don't like lies talking shit on me and slander. 0.99
01:58:08.000 I understand. 0.98
01:58:08.000 If they would have just came to me and been like, hey, can we do this podcast somewhere else? 0.98
01:58:11.000 I'd be like, you know what?
01:58:12.000 Okay.
01:58:13.000 What do you like about the podcast? 1.00
01:58:14.000 Listen, let's end this shit. 1.00
01:58:16.000 Let's end this stupid shit. 1.00
01:58:17.000 Alright, folks. 1.00
01:58:18.000 Fucking goddamn show is over. 1.00
01:58:19.000 Jim Jefferies' show starts in about 10 minutes. 1.00
01:58:22.000 He's not even going to make it there on time.
01:58:24.000 We've kept him here late with some nonsense arguments.
01:58:29.000 You're both in the right.
01:58:31.000 Jim Jeffries, you're a powerful individual, a hilarious stand-up comic.
01:58:34.000 Thank you very much for being on the show.
01:58:36.000 Thank you so much for having me.
01:58:37.000 Thank you to the Fleshlight.
01:58:38.000 You know what to do.
01:58:39.000 Go to the Fleshlight, enter in the code name ROGAN, save yourself 15%. 1.00
01:58:42.000 Oh, shit. 0.99
01:58:43.000 I said it. 1.00
01:58:44.000 You heard it.
01:58:45.000 Go to Onnit.com, O-N-N-I-T, and use the code name ROGAN to pick up your shroom tech, your alpha brain, your shroom tech immune, or your... 0.99
01:58:54.000 We've got a lot of shit coming out. 0.99
01:58:56.000 We've got kettlebells coming out, too, son. 1.00
01:58:58.000 See you, dirty freaks. 0.99
01:58:59.000 Use the code name ROGAN. Save 10%. 0.99
01:59:01.000 And we will see you guys next week. 0.98
01:59:04.000 Lots of fun shit. 0.99
01:59:06.000 Next week. 1.00
01:59:07.000 Alright.
01:59:09.000 Lots of surprises.