The Joe Rogan Experience - September 05, 2023


Joe Rogan Experience #2030 - Protect Our Parks 9

Topics
back extension exercises on trampoline fluoride IQ correlation Bush hate and war with Iraq debilitating migraines rapeseed oil Dr. Carl Hart and heroin use heroin use and addiction Shane Gillis stand-up special rules origins narratives football 30 Days of Night Hawaiian bar fights Larry Ellison Ukrainian neo-Nazis swastika pipes fad democracy invention tripping balls Martha Stewart and insider trading rhino tea fights sloth bear fight Victims taunted Tiger for a killed zoo visitor spraying shit at each other heat climate change trees in Canada allegations of domestic violence
Hosted by
Joe Rogan
Guests
Protect Our Parks 9
Mentioned
Jamie Freezeframe Buttfucks Tom Cruise Jesus Christ Adolf Hitler Mark Norman Michelle Obama Tom Hanks James Brown Richard Gere Dude Helen Keller Leonardo DiCaprio Norm Macdonald Tucker Carlson Josh Hartnett Paul Newman Brady Quinn Uncle Lazer The Jack Reacher Hunter Biden and 130 more
Joe Rogan Experience #2029 - Bill Maher Joe Rogan Experience #2031 - Luis J. Gomez

Episode Stats


Length

5 hours and 4 minutes

Words per minute

186.95

Word count

56,970

Sentence count

9,732

Harmful content

Misogyny

390

sentences flagged

Toxicity

3,032

sentences flagged

Hate speech

336

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

On this episode of The Joe Rogan Experience, the boys talk about their weekends and the crazy things they've been up to in the past week. They also talk about the new movie "American Gladiators" and some other things that have been going on in the world. Joe also talks about his recent trip to Las Vegas and how much he's been enjoying it. And of course, there's a little bit of everything in between. Enjoy the episode and don't forget to subscribe on your favorite streaming platform so you don't miss out on any new episodes! Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. If you like what you hear, please HIT SUBSCRIBE and leave us a rating and review on Apple Podcasts! Subscribe, Like, and Share! It helps spread the word to the Internets! Cheers, Joe and the Crew! XOXO. -The Joe Rogans Podcast -Joe Rogans Experience, by Day, by Night, All Day, All Night, By Night - All Day. (feat. The Crew) - by Night. Also, thank you for all the love and support! -Jonah Rogan Podcast - By Night, all day. Thank you, Jonah and the crew. . Jonah & the Crew - Thank you for the love & support and support of the podcast. by Jonah's Podcasts Podcast by: and the team at The J. Rogan Project - by the J.R. & the crew at the J-Rogan Experience by The J&RJODA Project by the Crew at J& the J&J Project. and The Crew at The R&B Project & The J-A.P. Crew in honor of the J & R.B. in this episode we are , by Mr. R.J. & the J/R. Thank you J& R. Podcast, by the Podcast by the R&R Project, , and the JOGAN PODCAST, by , J. , The J & A.A. & The Crew, by The Crew by D. & THE BOYS - by J. & J. B. P.

Transcript

Transcripts from "The Joe Rogan Experience" are sourced from the Knowledge Fight Interactive Search Tool. Explore them interactively here.
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
Topics generated with Qwen2.5-3B-Instruct.
Hosts, guests, and mentioned names generated with spaCy (en_core_web_sm), reconciled against Wikidata.
00:00:01.000 Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out!
00:00:04.000 The Joe Rogan Experience.
00:00:06.000 Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day.
00:00:12.000 It starts. 1.00
00:00:13.000 God damn it. 1.00
00:00:14.000 The pun gun. 0.99
00:00:15.000 Come on, boys.
00:00:15.000 Let's go.
00:00:17.000 Oh, sunglasses.
00:00:18.000 I'm not yet.
00:00:18.000 They're options.
00:00:19.000 I'm ready.
00:00:19.000 I need them.
00:00:20.000 Norman doesn't fuck around. 1.00
00:00:21.000 He gets here, he's got them ready to go. 1.00
00:00:23.000 The lights hurt my eyes.
00:00:24.000 Well, you had a rough one last night, huh?
00:00:25.000 The city brings out the evil in me.
00:00:27.000 It's a party town.
00:00:28.000 It really is.
00:00:29.000 It's always been a party town.
00:00:30.000 It's great.
00:00:31.000 It's a fun town.
00:00:32.000 You guys went to see Nether Hour, too, right?
00:00:33.000 Yeah, it was fun.
00:00:34.000 Those guys are cool.
00:00:35.000 They're really good.
00:00:36.000 I've only seen them after the Vulcan shows, but this was like the first time I saw them like their own show.
00:00:40.000 And they were like, oh, you're crushing it.
00:00:41.000 And Uncle Lazer!
00:00:42.000 Yeah. 0.99
00:00:43.000 Uncle Lazer got on and fucking played the harmonica. 0.99
00:00:46.000 I just thought he was a local coke fan. 0.99
00:00:47.000 Phenomenal!
00:00:48.000 He is definitely a local coke fan.
00:00:50.000 I thought that's all he was.
00:00:51.000 A lot of guys who do coke also are good at harmonica.
00:00:54.000 He's a good dude.
00:00:55.000 I like that guy.
00:00:56.000 He's funny.
00:00:56.000 He's fun.
00:00:57.000 Good energy.
00:00:58.000 It's like, he ain't faking it.
00:01:00.000 No, he's not.
00:01:00.000 You know, I mean, that's that guy.
00:01:02.000 He's a wild boy.
00:01:03.000 Yeah.
00:01:03.000 But I had, like, one heart-to-heart with him, and he pulled me aside.
00:01:06.000 He didn't break character at all.
00:01:07.000 He was like, brother, let me ask you something. 1.00
00:01:08.000 I was like, oh, man, you're crazy. 1.00
00:01:11.000 Wow. 0.99
00:01:11.000 What a night. 0.99
00:01:12.000 Ric Flair, Waka Flocka, Uncle Lazer.
00:01:14.000 Waka Flocka, Uncle Lazer.
00:01:16.000 Like a Mad Lib.
00:01:17.000 It was crazy.
00:01:18.000 It's fun, right?
00:01:20.000 It's funny, too, because my uncle is named Uncle Lazer.
00:01:23.000 He was a cantor.
00:01:24.000 Oh, that's hilarious.
00:01:24.000 Every time I hear that name, I'm like, Uncle Lazer.
00:01:26.000 Your uncle's name was Uncle Lazer?
00:01:28.000 Yeah.
00:01:29.000 You had an Uncle Lazer?
00:01:30.000 Yeah. 0.99
00:01:31.000 Was he a fucking American gladiator? 1.00
00:01:32.000 What'd he do? 1.00
00:01:33.000 He was a Holocaust survivor.
00:01:35.000 Nitro.
00:01:36.000 Bro, did you guys hear the story about those American gladiators?
00:01:38.000 They got, like, no money.
00:01:39.000 Really?
00:01:40.000 Yeah, they got, like, no money.
00:01:40.000 They were celebrities.
00:01:42.000 I know. 1.00
00:01:43.000 They got fucked. 1.00
00:01:44.000 They got royally fucked. 1.00
00:01:45.000 The Holocaust is the ultimate, uh, obstacle course. 0.99
00:01:49.000 I was reading something about it.
00:01:50.000 Jamie, were you the one who told me about it, Jamie?
00:01:52.000 Yeah, it was a documentary.
00:01:53.000 There's two documentaries actually.
00:01:55.000 Hey, praise Allah!
00:01:58.000 It's so good.
00:01:59.000 It's so good to see you guys.
00:02:00.000 What is this?
00:02:01.000 Number nine?
00:02:01.000 Ten?
00:02:02.000 Nine. 1.00
00:02:03.000 Let's fucking go. 0.99
00:02:04.000 Nine. 0.99
00:02:05.000 Nine, nine, nine, nine.
00:02:06.000 Those American Gladiators, bro, that's like pro wrestling.
00:02:09.000 That job.
00:02:09.000 That's a hard-ass job.
00:02:11.000 That's like you're crashing into people and stuff.
00:02:13.000 You're taking people down. 0.99
00:02:15.000 You're fucking battling with big Q-tips. 1.00
00:02:17.000 You're taking steroids and you're just spearing strangers. 1.00
00:02:21.000 They beat the fuck out of some people. 0.96
00:02:23.000 Oh, they really unloaded on those guys, too. 0.98
00:02:25.000 They were like...
00:02:27.000 They barely got paid.
00:02:29.000 It was NBC too, wasn't it?
00:02:32.000 Remember that hamster wheel they would run in?
00:02:35.000 I'm sorry.
00:02:37.000 Yeah, one of those broke, and I went in the guy's back and said he needed 75 stitches.
00:02:41.000 The hamster wheel?
00:02:42.000 Yeah.
00:02:42.000 Jesus Christ, dude.
00:02:44.000 Damn. 0.99
00:02:44.000 I used to love that Ninja Warrior show. 0.99
00:02:47.000 Oh, that's just great.
00:02:48.000 Bro, some people are really good at that.
00:02:50.000 It's very entertaining. 1.00
00:02:51.000 Like, to be really good at that, you gotta be a fucking athlete. 0.99
00:02:55.000 You know who the best was? 0.99
00:02:56.000 Like, the 106-pound women. 1.00
00:02:58.000 Oh, yeah.
00:02:58.000 Yeah, they could just hold themselves up forever.
00:03:00.000 You know, we found that on Fear Factor.
00:03:02.000 When we did, like, these guys had to hang from a pole over some water.
00:03:06.000 And the men broke way before the women. 0.98
00:03:08.000 Yeah, well, they're lighter.
00:03:09.000 Yeah.
00:03:10.000 Makes sense.
00:03:10.000 It's the only thing they're better at.
00:03:12.000 Die! 1.00
00:03:13.000 They say hanging is, like, really good for you just to hang. 0.99
00:03:16.000 I mean, not for Epstein.
00:03:17.000 They do it every day.
00:03:17.000 They'll have to sit down.
00:03:19.000 I do that every day.
00:03:20.000 Really?
00:03:20.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:03:21.000 I do that every day, and then I also have this thing that I do where I hinge from my waist.
00:03:25.000 Go upside down?
00:03:26.000 Yeah, but you don't go upside down from your ankles.
00:03:28.000 The same company makes it, but I prefer this one because all the weight is literally from your waist forward.
00:03:34.000 You're not holding any weight in your legs, which I think makes you more tense, and you might tense your back up.
00:03:39.000 With this, you just lean forward.
00:03:40.000 What is that thing called, Jamie?
00:03:42.000 We talked about it a gang of times.
00:03:43.000 Dex.
00:03:44.000 The decks, too.
00:03:45.000 We have one of those out here. 1.00
00:03:46.000 That thing is the shit. 1.00
00:03:48.000 That is the shit for your back, man. 1.00
00:03:51.000 You also do, like, back extension exercises on it, but just to hang there, I hang there in the mornings. 1.00
00:03:56.000 Oh, wow.
00:03:57.000 Yeah, I get in there and just, I feel everything go pop, pop, pop, pop.
00:04:00.000 You ever put the wife in there and really give it to her? 0.88
00:04:02.000 Hey, easy.
00:04:03.000 This is a family show.
00:04:05.000 Making all these positions there.
00:04:07.000 Yeah, you could do a lot with that.
00:04:09.000 You ever do just like a jumping jack?
00:04:10.000 Just like a basic thing?
00:04:12.000 Do I? Yeah.
00:04:13.000 No, I do not do that.
00:04:15.000 But it's a good move.
00:04:16.000 Jumping jacks are really good.
00:04:18.000 Yeah, trampoline, very good. 0.99
00:04:19.000 That side-to-side shit. 0.98
00:04:20.000 I used to do a lot of those. 0.99
00:04:21.000 A lot of side-to-side things.
00:04:22.000 Yeah.
00:04:23.000 Till my last knee issue.
00:04:25.000 Jumping jacks is when I knew we were going to lose the war in Iraq.
00:04:29.000 You ever see those videos of those guys teaching the Iraqi military?
00:04:32.000 They're like, alright, we're gonna do physical fitness.
00:04:34.000 Oh, like the terrorists?
00:04:35.000 Not the terrorists, the Iraqi police.
00:04:38.000 And the guys that were on our side.
00:04:39.000 So we had our guys training them, and they would try to do jumping jacks, and it was like...
00:04:42.000 Yeah, let's watch some of that.
00:04:43.000 Really?
00:04:43.000 I didn't know that.
00:04:44.000 They can't do jumping jacks.
00:04:45.000 ISIS does the bars. 0.81
00:04:47.000 ISIS is monkey bars. 0.97
00:04:48.000 Yeah, monkey bars. 0.96
00:04:48.000 Monkey bars? 0.96
00:04:49.000 Hilarious.
00:04:50.000 Did you guys ever see those videos of like kids in the 1960s in high school doing physical fitness?
00:04:57.000 Everybody's like ripped and they're all doing chin-ups.
00:05:00.000 They're all doing monkey bars.
00:05:01.000 They're like swinging.
00:05:02.000 Yeah, they're ripped.
00:05:03.000 They have 12 packs.
00:05:04.000 What happened?
00:05:05.000 I don't know.
00:05:08.000 I think it's plastic.
00:05:10.000 Well, there's a lot of preservatives in the food.
00:05:12.000 This is Ninja Warrior. 1.00
00:05:16.000 What fucking secret knowledge? 0.99
00:05:19.000 The secret knowledge of jumping jacks has been... 1.00
00:05:23.000 This guy can't separate his legs at all.
00:05:26.000 This guy's hilarious.
00:05:27.000 He's opening and closing every jump.
00:05:29.000 It's like when the black comic brings the white guy on the dance. 0.78
00:05:33.000 These guys are amazing.
00:05:35.000 He's doing the Kremlin dance. 1.00
00:05:37.000 What the fuck is that? 1.00
00:05:38.000 What is he doing? 1.00
00:05:39.000 We're gonna win!
00:05:40.000 It's like they're doing the YMCA. It does look like that!
00:05:43.000 It's fun to stay at the...
00:05:44.000 Ah, yes, yes. 1.00
00:05:46.000 Bro, everyone sucks. 0.99
00:05:47.000 One guy quit. 0.99
00:05:48.000 He was like, I'm done. 1.00
00:05:49.000 This is stupid. 1.00
00:05:50.000 I'm all about Al-Aqbar, but these jumping jacks are too much. 1.00
00:05:53.000 It's too stupid. 0.99
00:05:54.000 Why am I doing this? 1.00
00:05:55.000 When is this going to come up? 1.00
00:05:56.000 I just want to kill myself. 0.98
00:05:57.000 When is this going to come up? 0.99
00:05:58.000 Oh, my body feels better.
00:06:00.000 A touch.
00:06:02.000 A touch of the poison.
00:06:04.000 Yeah, so here's the kids.
00:06:05.000 Look at these freaks, dude.
00:06:05.000 Wow!
00:06:05.000 These are fucking young boys in 1962. Well, they were scared of the race war.
00:06:11.000 This is all before plastic hit. 1.00
00:06:13.000 What the fuck is this? 1.00
00:06:14.000 Preservatives. 1.00
00:06:15.000 It's plastics!
00:06:16.000 Body shaming.
00:06:17.000 Plastics?
00:06:18.000 Yeah.
00:06:19.000 Microplastics.
00:06:20.000 Not an ounce of body fat.
00:06:21.000 There are endocrine disruptors.
00:06:23.000 What?
00:06:25.000 Well, there was war in the air.
00:06:26.000 You still had to fight in the war.
00:06:28.000 There was war in the air.
00:06:29.000 You know, World War II had just ended.
00:06:31.000 We were talking about going to Vietnam. 1.00
00:06:33.000 This is ninja warrior shit. 1.00
00:06:35.000 Look at these kids, animals. 1.00
00:06:36.000 This is sexy.
00:06:38.000 Look at this!
00:06:38.000 They're all shirtless and sexy.
00:06:40.000 But I bet none of them wrote a good book.
00:06:42.000 I bet none of them sang a song anybody wanted to listen to.
00:06:46.000 That's fun.
00:06:47.000 We're all hyper-aggressive Americans.
00:06:50.000 Yeah, wow.
00:06:51.000 I wonder.
00:06:52.000 I think that the microplastic thing is real.
00:06:55.000 If you look at, there's a woman who wrote this book called Countdown. 0.57
00:06:59.000 Her name is Shanna Swan.
00:07:00.000 She's a doctor from Harvard, right?
00:07:02.000 I always ask.
00:07:03.000 Yeah, the taint lady, right? 0.98
00:07:04.000 Taint lady, yeah. 1.00
00:07:05.000 Talk to taints on here.
00:07:07.000 When you exposure to phthalates, like it's a type of...
00:07:12.000 It's a chemical that's in plastics and some other things.
00:07:15.000 It disrupts your endocrine system and it fucks up with mammals.
00:07:19.000 With the males, it makes their taint smaller. 1.00
00:07:22.000 It makes their dick smaller, makes their balls smaller. 1.00
00:07:24.000 It makes your sperm count grow up. 1.00
00:07:27.000 And they find them in human beings.
00:07:29.000 These are like studies they've done in mammals.
00:07:31.000 So they did studies.
00:07:32.000 One of the best ways...
00:07:34.000 To determine male or female in young mammals is the male's taint is 50 to 100% larger.
00:07:40.000 So they look at that to see if it's a boy or a girl.
00:07:42.000 And when you expose the animal to phthalates, that shrinks.
00:07:46.000 And it sort of feminizes the boys.
00:07:49.000 They have less testosterone. 0.99
00:07:51.000 Their penises shrink. 1.00
00:07:52.000 Their taint shrink. 1.00
00:07:53.000 Son of a bitch. 1.00
00:07:54.000 And there's a similar effect in human beings. 1.00
00:07:57.000 And she believes that that's the driving force.
00:07:59.000 And she thinks that we've been exposed since people have been using microwaves and everything's in plastic and water bottles in your car.
00:08:06.000 All these different chemicals. 0.99
00:08:08.000 And then there's fertilizers and pesticides and herbicides and all that shit. 1.00
00:08:12.000 Fish that eat the plastic. 1.00
00:08:12.000 All that shit's getting into your body. 1.00
00:08:14.000 Sucks to be the guy that was dating her. 1.00
00:08:17.000 He was like, what are you researching? 1.00
00:08:19.000 And she's like, why is everybody's dick small these days? 0.99
00:08:23.000 What are you talking about, honey? 0.99
00:08:24.000 She's a hilarious older woman. 1.00
00:08:26.000 She's really funny, man.
00:08:28.000 She has a thing on her Instagram called the Jizz Quiz.
00:08:31.000 Whoa! 0.71
00:08:32.000 I love that.
00:08:33.000 It's like she's funny, but she's talking about real science.
00:08:37.000 It's kind of a disarming way to do it because she's such a sweet lady.
00:08:42.000 She's so fun, but she's talking about what's going on with microplastics.
00:08:46.000 If you jizz in her face without telling her, it's a pop quiz.
00:08:49.000 Blah! 1.00
00:08:52.000 God damn it. 1.00
00:08:54.000 You motherfuckers. 1.00
00:08:56.000 God damn it. 1.00
00:08:57.000 You never know when it's going to come up. 0.99
00:08:58.000 Imagine if that really is it.
00:09:00.000 And imagine if when they introduced plastics to humans, it was just inevitably going to weaken us as a species.
00:09:06.000 Altered us.
00:09:06.000 And there's no way we could have known, because we'd never had plastic before.
00:09:10.000 So there was no plastic forever, and then 19, whatever it is, 50s?
00:09:15.000 When does it start?
00:09:16.000 Where people start using plastics everywhere.
00:09:18.000 Milk used to come in a jar of glass.
00:09:20.000 At that same time, there's a direct drop.
00:09:23.000 Really?
00:09:24.000 Sperm cell count and women are having more miscarriages.
00:09:27.000 Whoa! 0.71
00:09:28.000 Yeah, less fertility from both the male and the female and the males.
00:09:33.000 So it's not just like feminizing.
00:09:35.000 It's messing up the females too. 1.00
00:09:37.000 And it's doing something to the males.
00:09:39.000 It's like crushing its reproductive system. 0.79
00:09:42.000 I think she said we'd eat a credit card of plastic a week.
00:09:46.000 Yeah, that's what she said.
00:09:47.000 But there's some dispute about that.
00:09:49.000 It's like, It's an average thing?
00:09:51.000 Like, are some people getting way more of it?
00:09:53.000 Are some people getting none of it?
00:09:55.000 Like, is there a way to avoid it?
00:09:56.000 Yeah, you know what's weird when you check into a hotel and you see a family and they bring in like a 20 case of bottled water?
00:10:03.000 Yeah.
00:10:03.000 And you're like, what are you doing?
00:10:04.000 You're gonna be here two nights.
00:10:06.000 You need all that bottled water?
00:10:07.000 See, you just buy a bottle of water. 1.00
00:10:09.000 Where the fuck did it come from? 0.99
00:10:11.000 Was it on a boat in Thailand for a month, drifting across the ocean? 0.99
00:10:17.000 Where did your water come from?
00:10:19.000 I don't even ask.
00:10:20.000 I just drink it. 1.00
00:10:22.000 So what if I'm drinking some bullshit fucking chemicals that's going to make my tank shrink? 1.00
00:10:27.000 I'm a tap man. 1.00
00:10:28.000 I love tap.
00:10:29.000 It's really not good for you.
00:10:31.000 What?
00:10:31.000 Tap?
00:10:31.000 Yeah, tap water is not good for you.
00:10:33.000 Everybody in New York loves saying New York has the best tap water. 0.99
00:10:35.000 That's so ridiculous. 0.93
00:10:37.000 There's just zero chance that's true. 1.00
00:10:38.000 Saying my shit smells the sweetest. 1.00
00:10:40.000 Well, that's true. 1.00
00:10:41.000 New York, it's like they said the water's good, but the taps are all shitty. 0.82
00:10:44.000 So you're drinking, like, the rust. 0.66
00:10:46.000 Bro, who's cleaning those pipes? 0.98
00:10:48.000 Nobody.
00:10:48.000 That's what I mean.
00:10:49.000 The rats.
00:10:50.000 Imagine if you could get a camera down a mile or so into those pipes and see the crud.
00:10:56.000 I had a landlord tell me it was normal for it to come out brown in the beginning, and I was like, can I come to your house and see if it's like that there? 0.99
00:11:01.000 What the fuck are you talking about? 0.99
00:11:03.000 You're supposed to drink that? 1.00
00:11:05.000 You're supposed to bathe in that? 1.00
00:11:07.000 Get the fuck out of here. 1.00
00:11:08.000 I do the shower with the mouth open. 1.00
00:11:09.000 You ever do that one?
00:11:11.000 When I was a kid, I used to chug shower water.
00:11:15.000 There's some real disputes about fluoride in water too.
00:11:18.000 To be honest, I'm not super well versed in it.
00:11:21.000 It's good for the teeth.
00:11:24.000 Apparently, sorta. 1.00
00:11:26.000 But what's really good for the teeth is brushing your fucking teeth. 1.00
00:11:29.000 It's like, are we sure that you're supposed to be dumping fluoride in the water that people drink? 1.00
00:11:35.000 It is a bit of an assumption.
00:11:36.000 Do you know that fluoride lowers your IQ? No!
00:11:40.000 Yeah, it does.
00:11:41.000 Definitely.
00:11:42.000 Exposure to fluoride lowers your IQ. Oh, come on.
00:11:45.000 I don't know what the number is.
00:11:47.000 How much exposure to fluoride lowers your IQ? Drinking it for 39 years.
00:11:53.000 You're straight. 1.00
00:11:54.000 Imagine how fucking smart he used to be. 0.99
00:11:57.000 You'd be so much less autistic. 1.00
00:11:59.000 You were robbed. 0.98
00:12:00.000 You were robbed.
00:12:04.000 Pop jizz!
00:12:06.000 It says, a significant inverse relationship was found between the fluoride concentration in drinking water and IQ. It was observed that the IQ level was negatively correlated with fluoride concentration in drinking water.
00:12:20.000 It literally makes you dumber. 0.98
00:12:24.000 But then again, you're buying this bottled water from who knows where that's been sitting on a dock. 0.99
00:12:30.000 I mean, none of us are asking questions.
00:12:33.000 No, we're not.
00:12:35.000 I don't even know where Poland Spring is.
00:12:36.000 Unhooked my microphone.
00:12:37.000 We gotta vote for RFK. He'll save us.
00:12:39.000 Well, what's the reason for that? 0.98
00:12:41.000 Is there a real good reason for fucking dumping fluoride in the water? 0.96
00:12:46.000 It started so long ago, right? 0.99
00:12:48.000 What's the benefit?
00:12:49.000 Let's Google that.
00:12:50.000 What's the benefit of fluoride?
00:12:52.000 It's barely statistically significant.
00:12:54.000 The benefit was this.
00:12:58.000 Teeth, strong cavities.
00:13:00.000 It keeps teeth strong and reduces cavities.
00:13:03.000 So I guess the British aren't doing it.
00:13:04.000 Also called tooth decay by about 25% in children and adults.
00:13:08.000 Drinking fluoridated water, right, but what does it do to your brain?
00:13:11.000 And how much of an effect, how much better is it than just brushing your teeth?
00:13:17.000 Did they say it's to cause communism?
00:13:19.000 What's the reason for this?
00:13:23.000 We're forcing people to take care of their teeth and everybody else is going to lose IQ points? 0.99
00:13:30.000 Is that the fucking deal? 0.99
00:13:32.000 Is there a better way? 1.00
00:13:34.000 Isn't there a better way? 1.00
00:13:36.000 Can't you just clean your fucking teeth? 1.00
00:13:38.000 I don't have any cavities. 1.00
00:13:40.000 What are you doing?
00:13:42.000 I was gonna brush, but I decided to chug out of the sink. 0.99
00:13:45.000 Why do they give a shit about our teeth? 1.00
00:13:47.000 Goddamn, dude. 0.99
00:13:47.000 Since the mid-1940s, compounds containing mineral fluoride have been added to community water supplies throughout the U.S. to prevent tooth decay. 0.99
00:13:56.000 Boy, that sounds weird. 0.98
00:13:58.000 If I wanted to put on a fucking tinfoil hat right now... 0.98
00:14:14.000 The potential risks from consuming fluoridated water may outweigh the benefits for some individuals. 0.98
00:14:20.000 Last summer, for the first time in 53 years, the U.S. Public Health Service lowered its recommended levels of fluoride in drinking water.
00:14:28.000 Boy, we're getting started early, huh? 0.99
00:14:31.000 I mean, if I was making fluoride, I would be like, shut the fuck up! 1.00
00:14:36.000 I think that's what they're doing. 0.99
00:14:39.000 Fluoride people are like, no, you need it in your water.
00:14:42.000 Shouldn't we research? 1.00
00:14:43.000 Shut up. 1.00
00:14:44.000 Shut the fuck up. 1.00
00:14:45.000 I got a lot of fluoride. 1.00
00:14:47.000 But imagine any other trade-off like that.
00:14:49.000 Imagine any other trade-off that lowers IQs.
00:14:52.000 Like, imagine if we came along and said, we're going to put sunscreen in everybody's apples.
00:15:01.000 Because some people are going to get cancer because they're not wearing sunscreen.
00:15:05.000 Yeah.
00:15:06.000 Mmm.
00:15:07.000 I know.
00:15:07.000 And okay, well now everybody has to eat sunscreen apples.
00:15:11.000 Is that the new rule? 0.99
00:15:13.000 That's what the fuck this is like. 0.99
00:15:15.000 This is like forcing everybody to eat sunscreen apples. 1.00
00:15:17.000 Like, hey bitch, I brush my fucking teeth. 1.00
00:15:20.000 Like, don't make me drink this stuff. 1.00
00:15:22.000 What's in there?
00:15:23.000 Well, we got rid of lead paint.
00:15:25.000 And when you use one of them filters, does that get all the fluoride out?
00:15:28.000 I doubt it. 0.99
00:15:29.000 It gets a lot of shit out. 0.99
00:15:29.000 You ever put high C in there? 0.99
00:15:31.000 Just see, it's still kind of pink.
00:15:33.000 Really?
00:15:33.000 Yeah, when it goes through.
00:15:34.000 It's not like clear.
00:15:35.000 That's not good.
00:15:35.000 You're a high C. I'm an IK. With that beard, he's a fucking B-plus in the mountains.
00:15:44.000 I know. 1.00
00:15:44.000 Look at this guy. 1.00
00:15:45.000 In the mountains, you're a man who knows how to start a fire.
00:15:47.000 Moses.
00:15:48.000 Yeah, right.
00:15:48.000 You'd be like, I'm trusting you with the fire.
00:15:49.000 I'm like, you shouldn't. 1.00
00:15:50.000 You look like a guy who knows where the fucking woodchucks are. 1.00
00:15:55.000 Oh, these pods are safe to drink from. 1.00
00:15:57.000 There are no beavers here.
00:15:59.000 Yeah, there's a thing that people drink out of ponds with.
00:16:03.000 It's like a...
00:16:04.000 Camelback thing, yeah. 1.00
00:16:06.000 Life straw.
00:16:07.000 Yeah, life straw, that's it.
00:16:08.000 Really? 1.00
00:16:08.000 Yeah, you suck through the... 1.00
00:16:10.000 You can drink like... 1.00
00:16:11.000 You can drink anything.
00:16:11.000 ...where animals have been pissing.
00:16:13.000 Like if cows have been pissing in a puddle, you can drink it. 1.00
00:16:15.000 Those Britas are filthy. 1.00
00:16:17.000 Brita filters keep a healthy level of fluoride. 0.99
00:16:22.000 What?
00:16:22.000 They do not remove fluoride.
00:16:24.000 And it says on their website, a healthy level of fluoride.
00:16:26.000 They're in cahoots.
00:16:27.000 A healthy level of fluoride.
00:16:28.000 They are in cahoots, dude.
00:16:29.000 I'm sick of fluoride. 1.00
00:16:30.000 But who the fuck decides what the healthy level of a thing that lowers your IQ is? 1.00
00:16:35.000 Big fluoride. 0.99
00:16:35.000 Big fluoride. 0.99
00:16:36.000 Yeah.
00:16:37.000 Who's running that?
00:16:38.000 Whoa.
00:16:40.000 If it's George Soros, I would be pissed.
00:16:42.000 Who's running big fluoride?
00:16:43.000 He runs everything.
00:16:44.000 If you were a journalist, wouldn't this be something you would cover?
00:16:47.000 Mmm, no.
00:16:49.000 How many journalists have covered this in the New York Times?
00:16:53.000 We've got to cover the Black Mermaid first.
00:16:55.000 Or, you know, a really good paper.
00:16:57.000 The New Yorker, The Atlantic.
00:16:59.000 Wouldn't you want to cover this?
00:17:01.000 Nah, journalism's dead.
00:17:03.000 There's so many stories about politics, no stories about advances in medical...
00:17:07.000 You know what I mean?
00:17:08.000 You never hear stories about that.
00:17:09.000 It's always just anger.
00:17:11.000 Right.
00:17:12.000 Never anything good.
00:17:13.000 We're doing better than we were 20 years ago.
00:17:14.000 For sure.
00:17:15.000 But I think that's always how people are, dude.
00:17:17.000 People are always extremely dissatisfied.
00:17:20.000 And because everyone has access to the internet, everyone's in conflict all the time.
00:17:24.000 Oh, yeah.
00:17:25.000 Tribal.
00:17:26.000 It's so bizarre to watch people get political about medicine.
00:17:31.000 Oh, my God.
00:17:32.000 I know, right?
00:17:32.000 They're political about everything.
00:17:33.000 Everything.
00:17:34.000 The movies.
00:17:35.000 Everything.
00:17:36.000 They're getting me, dude.
00:17:37.000 It's starting to work.
00:17:38.000 Tucker going to Twitter is killing me, dude.
00:17:41.000 Why? 0.99
00:17:41.000 He's just watching the shit out of those videos. 0.99
00:17:43.000 I'd be like, yo, Tucker's right about everything, dude. 0.99
00:17:46.000 He had Portnoy on. 0.99
00:17:47.000 Every single one of those I watch, I'm like, god damn. 0.99
00:17:49.000 Yeah. 0.99
00:17:50.000 Tucker knows. 0.97
00:17:51.000 Now he's calling Obama gay a lot. 0.98
00:17:53.000 Bro, that is wild. 0.98
00:17:55.000 That is wild.
00:17:57.000 You ever go down that Michelle Obama's a man rabbit hole?
00:17:59.000 Yeah, but it's all photoshopped.
00:18:02.000 Eddie Bravo sent me one, and I sent him the original.
00:18:05.000 Oh, really?
00:18:06.000 Oh, no, I didn't send him.
00:18:07.000 I need to send him the original.
00:18:08.000 Her on Ellen was like a funny one.
00:18:10.000 Great arms.
00:18:10.000 There's all these pictures that exist that are definitely doctored.
00:18:16.000 Pull them up.
00:18:17.000 It's her like two feet tall. 1.00
00:18:19.000 It's her with a dick. 1.00
00:18:20.000 We've done this every time. 1.00
00:18:21.000 Have we?
00:18:22.000 Jamie, help me out on this.
00:18:24.000 We have to have done Big Mike before.
00:18:26.000 I don't think we did Big Mike.
00:18:27.000 I don't know if we did.
00:18:28.000 Tim Dillon definitely did.
00:18:29.000 We did Big Mike with Tim Dillon.
00:18:30.000 Did Tim Dillon's video, did that get removed from Twitter?
00:18:34.000 What do you mean? 0.98
00:18:34.000 Someone put on Instagram, I believe, that Tim Dillon's video where he was saying that Michelle Obama should run for president and if she won, she could pull her cock out and China would just give up. 0.98
00:18:48.000 I was fucking wheezing. 1.00
00:18:54.000 I couldn't breathe. 0.99
00:18:56.000 Big Mike! 0.81
00:18:57.000 Big Mike.
00:18:59.000 Big Mike.
00:19:01.000 It's like, come on, tell me it isn't one of the fun things about the internet.
00:19:06.000 Of course.
00:19:07.000 These crazy conspiracies are fun.
00:19:11.000 We had a cab driver on the way back from like Dixie Chicks or something, and he goes, halfway back, he goes, where do you guys get your news?
00:19:17.000 And I'm like, this is about to get real good.
00:19:20.000 What were you doing with Dixie Chicks? 1.00
00:19:21.000 Do you manage them?
00:19:22.000 Don't they just call themselves They call themselves the Chicks now? 1.00
00:19:24.000 They can call themselves whatever they want, but I don't change.
00:19:26.000 Chicks sounds worse. 1.00
00:19:27.000 Still candlestick.
00:19:27.000 Yeah, Chicks is like not...
00:19:29.000 It's lame.
00:19:30.000 Dixie Chicks is a good name. 0.99
00:19:32.000 It's way cooler.
00:19:32.000 What happened?
00:19:34.000 People got mad at them.
00:19:35.000 They were one of the first people to get cancelled.
00:19:37.000 Really?
00:19:38.000 Yeah, they said they were embarrassed to be from the United States because of George Bush.
00:19:41.000 They're like, why are we going to war with Iraq? 0.99
00:19:43.000 Shut up! 1.00
00:19:44.000 Shut up, you fucking whore! 1.00
00:19:46.000 Yeah, it was rough. 1.00
00:19:47.000 They were like the first people to get severe backlash.
00:19:50.000 Really?
00:19:51.000 Well, I mean, now, in retrospect, everybody knows that war was insanity.
00:19:55.000 Sure. 0.99
00:19:56.000 You just couldn't say shit then. 0.99
00:19:57.000 Rogan did an episode of Late Friday, a stand-up show, and they go, no, tell me if I'm wrong, they said, no George Bush jokes, no military jokes. 0.99
00:20:04.000 Whoa! 0.71
00:20:05.000 He's the president!
00:20:06.000 Yeah, it was a weird time though, man.
00:20:09.000 It was a very strange time. 1.00
00:20:12.000 But looking back, the Bush hate was quaint compared to the shit now. 0.99
00:20:15.000 It was fun. 1.00
00:20:17.000 Compared to the Obama hate and the Trump hate.
00:20:18.000 But you know what it was?
00:20:19.000 It didn't get accelerant thrown on it.
00:20:21.000 Exactly.
00:20:22.000 The social media accelerant.
00:20:23.000 It was always in the air.
00:20:24.000 Everybody was furious at Bush for getting us into that war.
00:20:28.000 But it didn't...
00:20:30.000 It was like...
00:20:31.000 No one was talking about it day to day.
00:20:33.000 Yeah, it wasn't like constantly in your face.
00:20:35.000 If the news didn't cover it, you really didn't know about it.
00:20:39.000 You know, in the news, they would certainly be slanted, the left-wing news against Bush.
00:20:44.000 I mean, there wasn't really...
00:20:46.000 Was Fox News even around back when Bush was president?
00:20:49.000 I don't remember.
00:20:49.000 Yeah, it was just more normal.
00:20:50.000 It wasn't as salacious.
00:20:52.000 Was it normal?
00:20:52.000 Who was that white-haired guy that Mitzi used to love?
00:20:55.000 Oh.
00:20:55.000 He was on there all the time.
00:20:57.000 No, no, no.
00:20:58.000 Wolf Blitzer?
00:20:59.000 Nah, after him.
00:21:00.000 He had like the late night show or daytime show.
00:21:03.000 O'Reilly?
00:21:04.000 O'Reilly.
00:21:04.000 O'Reilly.
00:21:05.000 Yeah.
00:21:06.000 O, O, O, O'Reilly.
00:21:11.000 Yeah, he was an interesting guy.
00:21:13.000 Pop quiz.
00:21:14.000 He was an interesting guy.
00:21:16.000 Because it was like, what are you selling?
00:21:18.000 He was like 6'8".
00:21:19.000 Was he?
00:21:21.000 Huge. 1.00
00:21:21.000 Damn, O'Reilly rules. 1.00
00:21:22.000 He was Tucker Carlson's precursor. 0.99
00:21:24.000 You ever see when he was talking about the, like, I know God exists, because the tide goes in, the tide goes out.
00:21:28.000 Why does that happen?
00:21:28.000 You can't explain it.
00:21:29.000 Yeah, the guy's like, what the fuck? 0.99
00:21:32.000 I can definitely explain it. 0.99
00:21:34.000 I'm going to start using that. 1.00
00:21:35.000 I'm an idiot. 1.00
00:21:36.000 You got a chalkboard bench? 1.00
00:21:38.000 Yeah.
00:21:38.000 I love those guys.
00:21:39.000 You can't explain it, so it must be God.
00:21:41.000 Yeah, it goes in, it goes out.
00:21:43.000 They say the menstruation cycle is due to the tides.
00:21:46.000 Have you heard this?
00:21:47.000 Pull it up.
00:21:48.000 Really?
00:21:48.000 But if that were true, wouldn't all chicks be in the same cycle?
00:21:51.000 Dixie chicks. 0.97
00:21:52.000 No, because the moon's getting them at different times.
00:21:54.000 Yeah, true.
00:21:55.000 Yeah, it doesn't make any sense.
00:21:56.000 That would be like waves of periods across the country.
00:21:59.000 Where's the moon?
00:22:00.000 Everyone has their period.
00:22:01.000 Get out of town. 1.00
00:22:03.000 Michelle Obama had a band chicks with dicks. 1.00
00:22:05.000 Oh, that one didn't work. 0.99
00:22:08.000 You could have just kept Dixie Chicks. 0.99
00:22:10.000 Oh, yeah!
00:22:12.000 Michelle Obama's favorite band, Dixie Chicks. 0.99
00:22:16.000 Damn, I'm slow. 0.99
00:22:17.000 No, you're good. 1.00
00:22:18.000 I think all these fucking Looney Tunes conspiracies are fun. 0.98
00:22:22.000 And that's what drove me crazy about the old Twitter. 1.00
00:22:26.000 It's like, I'm smart enough to know the earth isn't flat stupid. 0.99
00:22:29.000 Let these people talk about it. 1.00
00:22:31.000 Let these fucking people talk about it. 1.00
00:22:33.000 It's fun to listen. 1.00
00:22:33.000 I don't mind listening. 1.00
00:22:34.000 I like when they get angry and call people globeheads. 0.99
00:22:39.000 I want to fucking hear it! 0.99
00:22:41.000 Let them talk, man. 0.99
00:22:42.000 So, dude, this cab driver went from Michelle Obama's a man to Nancy Pelosi's a man to Madonna is a man.
00:22:49.000 Whoa! 0.71
00:22:49.000 And he goes, look it up! 0.71
00:22:51.000 AlternativeNews.com.
00:22:53.000 What about Lea Thomas? 0.81
00:22:54.000 They wouldn't say that.
00:22:55.000 Yeah, you can't say that.
00:22:56.000 Yeah, and I go, what do they have to stand to gain by being a man and hiding it?
00:23:00.000 He goes, what?
00:23:00.000 Well, first of all, in today's day and age, if they say they're a woman, they're a woman.
00:23:04.000 So they're all women. 1.00
00:23:05.000 So shut the fuck up, bigot. 1.00
00:23:07.000 Secondly, that's very important, right? 1.00
00:23:10.000 Very important point.
00:23:11.000 Anybody can be a woman now. 1.00
00:23:12.000 Sure. 0.99
00:23:13.000 It's fucking open entry. 0.99
00:23:14.000 Jamie. 0.98
00:23:16.000 But also, like...
00:23:17.000 How do you explain they have kids?
00:23:19.000 Like, Madonna's got kids. 0.92
00:23:20.000 Men could get pregnant. 1.00
00:23:22.000 Yeah, but she was like, pregnant? 1.00
00:23:23.000 He showed me a basic slide video of a filter.
00:23:25.000 There's not too many pictures of Michelle Obama pregnant, just saying. 0.99
00:23:29.000 Oh shit, here we go. 1.00
00:23:30.000 Not that fucking you have, creeper. 1.00
00:23:32.000 They're hard to find. 1.00
00:23:32.000 I've been searching them before the conspiracy. 1.00
00:23:35.000 Yeah, but the thing about it is, why would they post it?
00:23:36.000 How many pictures of you and your underwear are there on the internet?
00:23:39.000 So many.
00:23:40.000 I've got a few.
00:23:41.000 I can send you.
00:23:42.000 You know what I'm saying?
00:23:43.000 Like, why would anybody have pictures of them, you know, or her pregnant?
00:23:47.000 Isn't that personal?
00:23:48.000 Tell that to Ali Wong.
00:23:49.000 I mean, there's a lot of pregnant specials. 0.99
00:23:52.000 There's a few.
00:23:53.000 There's so many pregnant specials. 0.80
00:23:55.000 But Ali was the goat. 0.98
00:23:56.000 She was the goat. 0.97
00:23:56.000 Ali was the originator. 0.97
00:23:57.000 Yeah, good for her. 0.99
00:23:58.000 It fucking added to it. 0.99
00:24:00.000 It did. 0.99
00:24:00.000 Oh, yeah. 0.99
00:24:00.000 Yeah, because she had a legit reason to be pissed off. 0.99
00:24:04.000 Yeah.
00:24:05.000 Carrying a giant baby inside.
00:24:06.000 That's hard to do.
00:24:08.000 Isn't it funny that with medical science, one of us could have a baby now?
00:24:12.000 You think?
00:24:12.000 Yeah, they're talking about, trans people are talking about getting a uterus.
00:24:16.000 This one guy, Ari's too old.
00:24:20.000 This one person was clearly trolling, and what they said was that they wanted to get a uterus transplant and then be the first trans person to have an abortion.
00:24:32.000 Everybody was getting angry.
00:24:35.000 Both sides were angry at that.
00:24:36.000 That's a good one.
00:24:37.000 That's a good one.
00:24:38.000 The only thing that bums me out is that...
00:24:41.000 I could see a world, maybe not today, but I could see a world in the future where if enough biological men wanted uterus transplants, they would start doing it.
00:24:52.000 People would start doing it.
00:24:54.000 I mean, they would probably start convincing people that it's safe and effective because they want to be a real woman. 1.00
00:25:02.000 Why?
00:25:03.000 They want to have women parts. 1.00
00:25:04.000 All women parts. 1.00
00:25:05.000 Yeah, but the bleeding, the pregnant, it's all a bummer. 1.00
00:25:08.000 Eggs. 0.99
00:25:08.000 Seems like it sucks. 0.99
00:25:09.000 It sounds like an insane science project. 0.99
00:25:13.000 It sounds like an insane science project.
00:25:17.000 Sounds like a nightmare.
00:25:18.000 Why can't we all just get along?
00:25:20.000 We got so many great things.
00:25:22.000 We got Uber Eats and all this stuff.
00:25:23.000 Let's just hang out.
00:25:24.000 Why's everybody trying to make it? 0.99
00:25:25.000 Yeah, somebody's got to drive that fucking Uber Eats. 0.99
00:25:27.000 Imagine if the devil is real. 1.00
00:25:29.000 Imagine if the devil is real and all this chaos in society.
00:25:34.000 Why can't we all just get alone?
00:25:36.000 All this chaos in society is just designed to get us to the point where we're willing to accept a biological male getting pregnant And then through that, that's how Satan comes. 0.78
00:25:47.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:25:48.000 You fucking idiot! 1.00
00:25:50.000 Stop! 1.00
00:25:51.000 It was prophesied.
00:25:53.000 That could be the end of the world.
00:25:55.000 It's like Damien.
00:25:55.000 The Omen.
00:25:57.000 Remember that kid?
00:25:57.000 Sure.
00:25:58.000 That's a similar story. 1.00
00:26:00.000 God's gonna come back and be like, alright, that's a wrap, you fucking dummies. 1.00
00:26:04.000 I gave you enough. 1.00
00:26:05.000 Let's wrap it up already. 1.00
00:26:07.000 The fuck are you doing? 1.00
00:26:10.000 That's when the aliens would land, like, you guys are just, alright. 1.00
00:26:13.000 Yeah.
00:26:13.000 It's like when you're in an escape room.
00:26:15.000 We need help.
00:26:16.000 You gotta press the button.
00:26:19.000 Where's that kid now? 0.90
00:26:21.000 That probably fucked that kid up. 0.91
00:26:23.000 He went from cover of the Nirvana album to this. 0.93
00:26:25.000 Looks like you met Kevin Spacey. 0.99
00:26:29.000 Dude, imagine if you're a little kid and you're in a huge movie where you play the most evil motherfucker that's ever lived. 0.99
00:26:37.000 And then everywhere you go, people look at you sideways now. 0.99
00:26:40.000 He's scary.
00:26:41.000 How do you cast that?
00:26:42.000 Nah, not evil enough. 0.99
00:26:43.000 That kid's the devil. 0.98
00:26:44.000 You got it. 0.99
00:26:45.000 All he did was look normal.
00:26:46.000 That's how terrifying children are.
00:26:48.000 It is true.
00:26:50.000 A kid's got a straight face and looks at you.
00:26:53.000 Hello, Shane.
00:26:54.000 Yikes.
00:26:55.000 That's where you gotta get them preemptively.
00:26:58.000 You gotta go, come here, baby.
00:27:01.000 Shake him.
00:27:02.000 The only time when a baby is scary...
00:27:04.000 Is when it's at nighttime in the woods.
00:27:06.000 Or when it tears.
00:27:07.000 You see a baby just standing there staring at you.
00:27:09.000 What are you talking about?
00:27:10.000 A naked baby just in the trail, just standing there staring at you.
00:27:16.000 That's terrifying. 1.00
00:27:17.000 You'd be like, what the fuck is going on? 0.99
00:27:18.000 You'd be like, first of all, is this a trap? 0.99
00:27:20.000 Are they like, do I go towards the baby and then they rush me?
00:27:23.000 Or is this baby a demon?
00:27:25.000 Yeah.
00:27:26.000 Like, is this a fake baby?
00:27:27.000 Like, why is this baby naked in the woods?
00:27:30.000 Alone.
00:27:30.000 At night?
00:27:31.000 Dude, we found a baby in Northern Thailand.
00:27:32.000 And it's really dark.
00:27:33.000 We were mopedding around.
00:27:34.000 We saw a baby on a road.
00:27:35.000 You found a baby in Thailand?
00:27:35.000 Yeah.
00:27:36.000 In the road? 1.00
00:27:36.000 What the fuck? 1.00
00:27:37.000 There was a house, like, 200 yards up. 1.00
00:27:39.000 We're like, is this your baby?
00:27:40.000 And she's like, oh my god, thank you so much.
00:27:41.000 Do you guys have cigarettes? 0.99
00:27:43.000 It's a fucking bait baby. 1.00
00:27:45.000 Oh, nice. 1.00
00:27:46.000 Damn, a bait-by. 1.00
00:27:48.000 A bait baby. 1.00
00:27:49.000 So they put the baby out so people save the baby.
00:27:51.000 You get some cigarettes.
00:27:52.000 Oh my god.
00:27:54.000 A couple of loosies.
00:27:55.000 Yeah, a couple of loosies go a long way. 0.99
00:27:57.000 They used to do a thing where they throw a baby and you instinctually catch it and then they pickpocket you.
00:28:02.000 Oh my god.
00:28:03.000 Because you have to catch it.
00:28:04.000 You've got to catch a baby. 0.81
00:28:05.000 Yes.
00:28:07.000 How wild is part of the world?
00:28:09.000 I was in Thailand.
00:28:10.000 I was watching this whole family on a moped.
00:28:13.000 There was a baby.
00:28:13.000 It's like a starfish.
00:28:14.000 They had a baby.
00:28:15.000 The guy was riding.
00:28:16.000 The baby was sitting here.
00:28:17.000 The wife was behind him.
00:28:18.000 Pull it up.
00:28:19.000 I was like, this is insane.
00:28:20.000 You have a baby on a moped.
00:28:21.000 People hang on both sides.
00:28:22.000 It's funny.
00:28:23.000 We get frustrated.
00:28:24.000 We're like, oh, we got to take our family on vacation. 1.00
00:28:26.000 These motherfuckers. 1.00
00:28:26.000 You're in a giant van. 1.00
00:28:29.000 Imagine being like, alright, we gotta go. 1.00
00:28:30.000 Everyone, get on my fucking back. 0.99
00:28:32.000 We've gotta get this moped. 1.00
00:28:35.000 With flip-flop on.
00:28:37.000 And they're going to work, too.
00:28:38.000 It's not like they're going fun. 0.98
00:28:39.000 Fucking Grapes of Wrath, a motorcycle. 1.00
00:28:41.000 Goat blood on their hands. 1.00
00:28:42.000 Meanwhile, here's the rub.
00:28:43.000 Everybody over there is really happy.
00:28:45.000 I don't know if they're all happy, but they're very friendly.
00:28:47.000 They're happier than us.
00:28:48.000 They're very friendly.
00:28:48.000 They're some of the nicest people.
00:28:50.000 Sure.
00:28:51.000 Yeah, so what is that?
00:28:53.000 Simple life, simple life.
00:28:54.000 What is that?
00:28:54.000 I mean, I don't know.
00:28:56.000 Yeah, like those Indian people who live poor as shit. 1.00
00:28:59.000 They're all happy. 1.00
00:29:01.000 Holy hell!
00:29:02.000 It's a shelf!
00:29:03.000 That is insane.
00:29:04.000 Oh, they don't usually have a shelf.
00:29:05.000 They usually just hang on.
00:29:06.000 Wow!
00:29:08.000 That is insane. 1.00
00:29:08.000 Damn. 1.00
00:29:09.000 That's impressive. 1.00
00:29:10.000 It is impressive.
00:29:11.000 Look, they're all smiling.
00:29:13.000 Well, it's funny.
00:29:15.000 Even they know it's funny.
00:29:17.000 I don't know.
00:29:18.000 That guy had a giant basket and a whole family behind him on a motorcycle.
00:29:24.000 The guy in the middle does not seem happy.
00:29:26.000 He seems like the lost link.
00:29:29.000 I won't take an Uber pool to save my life.
00:29:35.000 Uber pool can get weird though, right?
00:29:38.000 COVID killed it.
00:29:40.000 Yeah, right.
00:29:40.000 Yeah, it's gone.
00:29:41.000 It was going for a while.
00:29:42.000 Try to go lift line.
00:29:44.000 And you guys get the newest COVID yet?
00:29:45.000 It's back, baby!
00:29:46.000 I might have it right now.
00:29:47.000 Shane's got it currently. 0.99
00:29:49.000 You feel like shit? 1.00
00:29:50.000 No, I just have had a cold for a few years. 1.00
00:29:52.000 Oh, you've had it. 1.00
00:29:53.000 You got it, you son of a bitch. 1.00
00:29:54.000 There's no more regular colds anymore. 1.00
00:29:56.000 It's just COVID. They just call us that.
00:29:57.000 It's COVID. That's what I always say.
00:29:59.000 I mean, I don't think...
00:30:01.000 If you have the regular cold, like, that's not even cool.
00:30:03.000 It's not cool at all.
00:30:04.000 It's not cool at all.
00:30:05.000 Yeah, if you had COVID for one day, that's way better than the regular cold for like a week and a half.
00:30:10.000 It's like these rich chicks who can't just get a headache. 1.00
00:30:12.000 They have to have a migraine.
00:30:14.000 Oh, yes. 1.00
00:30:15.000 They always have fucking migraines. 1.00
00:30:17.000 Always migraines. 1.00
00:30:19.000 Yeah, they can't be sad.
00:30:19.000 I think migraines are debilitating.
00:30:21.000 Yeah, that's what I was going to say.
00:30:22.000 I think they're debilitating.
00:30:23.000 I think, like, you're on your knees.
00:30:24.000 Really?
00:30:25.000 Yeah.
00:30:26.000 I'm sure that severity is, you know, different with different people.
00:30:30.000 I think Terrell Davis sat out of the Super Bowl for a little while with a migraine.
00:30:33.000 It's that bad.
00:30:34.000 It was his dream and he worked hard.
00:30:37.000 Really?
00:30:38.000 He was like, I can't see.
00:30:40.000 What causes those?
00:30:42.000 J-Mo, you remember that?
00:30:43.000 I know you remember that, J-Mo.
00:30:45.000 Yes, dude.
00:30:47.000 A debilitating migraine almost took him out of the Super Bowl.
00:30:50.000 Maybe CTE? Oh, yeah.
00:30:53.000 Well, you gotta think that's a factor.
00:30:55.000 Great teeth on that.
00:30:56.000 Look at that fluoride.
00:30:56.000 Great teeth.
00:30:57.000 That's a late addition.
00:30:59.000 That was in his playing days.
00:31:01.000 These poor football players, man.
00:31:03.000 So what does he say here?
00:31:04.000 A migraine eventually came on and forced Davis to sit out of the second quarter of the game.
00:31:08.000 He didn't let it stop for long, though, as he was back in the field after halftime.
00:31:12.000 I forgot to take his medicine pregame.
00:31:14.000 Oh, he has medicine for migraines.
00:31:16.000 During his pregame meal two hours before kickoff.
00:31:18.000 What kind of preventative medicine do they have for migraines, Jamie?
00:31:21.000 I have no idea.
00:31:22.000 I had a friend in high school, if we would just start talking about it, he would get one.
00:31:26.000 Wow!
00:31:27.000 What? 1.00
00:31:27.000 We would play basketball, and he'd be like, if you guys fucking fuck me today and say that fucking shit, we'd just start eventually getting it. 1.00
00:31:32.000 I'm the same way with boners. 1.00
00:31:34.000 Talk about it, I'll get one.
00:31:35.000 I got Bluetooth.
00:31:37.000 Really?
00:31:37.000 Yeah.
00:31:38.000 Don't talk about it.
00:31:39.000 All you have to do is think about it?
00:31:39.000 Yeah, I mean, that's probably very weird.
00:31:41.000 It's a little psychosemantic, obviously, but it would still...
00:31:43.000 Terrifying.
00:31:44.000 It would take him out.
00:31:45.000 He'd have to go lay down somewhere, couldn't see light.
00:31:47.000 None of that.
00:31:48.000 Definitely not at a gym. 0.99
00:31:49.000 That sucks. 1.00
00:31:50.000 There is a lot of women like that if you start bringing up wanting to fuck them. 1.00
00:31:56.000 He got a stomachache. 1.00
00:31:58.000 You nasty bitch. 1.00
00:32:01.000 Don't lie to me. 1.00
00:32:02.000 Sex is a good cure. 1.00
00:32:04.000 He actually releases oxy...
00:32:06.000 Have you ever had a migraine?
00:32:08.000 No.
00:32:09.000 No?
00:32:09.000 Never.
00:32:10.000 I have.
00:32:10.000 I was getting off caffeine.
00:32:11.000 I switched from like six Cokes a day to six Sprites at the Comedy Store.
00:32:15.000 Six Cokes a day?
00:32:16.000 Yeah, and then it was like the drop in caffeine was like, it crushed me for a while.
00:32:20.000 It hurts the head.
00:32:21.000 The withdrawals.
00:32:22.000 Yeah, that's one of the only things that I've ever taken a lot of and didn't realize I was taking too much of it.
00:32:27.000 And then when I stopped, I had headaches.
00:32:29.000 Yeah.
00:32:30.000 I was writing this thing and I was drinking these crazy drinks, these sodas.
00:32:36.000 They were filled with sugar and like massive amounts of caffeine. 0.99
00:32:40.000 They had like skull and crossbones on them and shit. 0.98
00:32:42.000 I forget. 0.91
00:32:42.000 I don't even think the company's around anymore. 0.91
00:32:44.000 We've talked about this before, right?
00:32:46.000 SS Cola.
00:32:46.000 Yeah, I tried to look it up.
00:32:47.000 But there was like spicy, there were like spicy sodas and like filled with caffeine and I was drinking.
00:32:54.000 Oh yeah, spicy sodas.
00:32:54.000 Remember those things that I had at my house?
00:32:56.000 It wasn't Jolt, it was something else.
00:32:57.000 No, no, no, it was like way cooler.
00:32:59.000 Squirt, squirt, squirt. 1.00
00:33:00.000 We were drinking like, I mean, I was drinking like seven or eight of them a night.
00:33:04.000 Jesus! 0.99
00:33:04.000 Yeah, because I was writing really up late at night, and they were just fucking... 0.99
00:33:09.000 My brain was on fire when I was on those things.
00:33:11.000 And then I got off of it, I finished this thing that I was writing, and then I'm in my house, I'm like, why does my head hurt so much?
00:33:19.000 And I was like, oh my god, I'm going through withdrawals!
00:33:23.000 That's withdrawals, yeah.
00:33:23.000 It's like, wow!
00:33:24.000 That's a tough feeling.
00:33:25.000 I'm addicted to caffeine!
00:33:26.000 So how'd you kick it?
00:33:28.000 I just had a cup of coffee.
00:33:30.000 Turns out there's readily available drugs.
00:33:33.000 All I did, I had a cup of coffee.
00:33:34.000 I was like, no, I feel good again.
00:33:36.000 I just decided you can never go that hard.
00:33:39.000 And I'm certainly addicted to caffeine.
00:33:41.000 I drink caffeine.
00:33:43.000 I drink coffee basically every day.
00:33:44.000 Same.
00:33:45.000 I love it.
00:33:46.000 I love it.
00:33:46.000 I love it.
00:33:47.000 There's no evidence it's bad for you.
00:33:49.000 It's fun.
00:33:49.000 I don't think it's bad for you.
00:33:50.000 It's the best.
00:33:51.000 As long as you stay hydrated, I don't think coffee's bad for you.
00:33:53.000 You get to feel good for ten minutes a day.
00:33:55.000 A little bit of choice. 1.00
00:33:56.000 Yeah, and shit. 1.00
00:33:56.000 Tate Fletcher always used to say it's like a warm hug. 1.00
00:33:59.000 Gaffigan had a good joke about it.
00:34:01.000 Remember when coffee worked?
00:34:04.000 That's true.
00:34:05.000 So true.
00:34:06.000 Yeah, I talked to Michael Pollan about that, and he said that he did for this experiment that he did for that book that he wrote on psychedelics, he took like three months off of coffee.
00:34:17.000 No caffeine at all for three months.
00:34:19.000 And then he said when he had a cup of coffee, it was like a drug.
00:34:22.000 Wow.
00:34:22.000 He said it was almost like a psychedelic.
00:34:24.000 I bet.
00:34:25.000 He said it was incredible.
00:34:26.000 When I started, if I drank past 10 a.m., I couldn't sleep.
00:34:29.000 Really?
00:34:29.000 10 a.m.?
00:34:30.000 Yeah, it would hit me so fucking hard. 0.97
00:34:32.000 Yeah. 0.92
00:34:32.000 Wow. 0.92
00:34:33.000 But now it's fine.
00:34:34.000 Now I can go.
00:34:34.000 Let's have some coffee.
00:34:35.000 Most consumed drug in the world.
00:34:37.000 Really?
00:34:37.000 Oh, yeah, obviously.
00:34:38.000 Bro, Starbucks figured it out.
00:34:41.000 What a baller business move. 0.99
00:34:43.000 Let's get everybody addicted to coffee.
00:34:45.000 He's already pouring a cup.
00:34:47.000 Talking about it.
00:34:48.000 You can get really good coffee at Starbucks if they have one of those weird machines. 0.99
00:34:53.000 You know that fucking, that crazy machine that somebody invented? 0.99
00:34:57.000 What's on an AeroPress? 1.00
00:34:58.000 It's like, it's digital.
00:34:59.000 So you pour in the exact grams of coffee, and it heats the exact temperature, it brews it for the exact same amount of time, and then like a piston goes up and down.
00:35:09.000 And you push the hockey puck out, and the coffee's perfect.
00:35:12.000 They just overcook their beans. 1.00
00:35:13.000 I don't like it.
00:35:13.000 Yeah, but this one they don't.
00:35:15.000 With this they don't.
00:35:17.000 It's just they leave it hot for too long.
00:35:19.000 Coffee's not, you know.
00:35:21.000 If you do it right, if you really know what you're doing, like my friend Evan who owns Black Rifle Coffee, they measure their coffee.
00:35:28.000 They measure the temperature of the water.
00:35:30.000 That's the thing.
00:35:31.000 It's called a clover machine.
00:35:32.000 That's right.
00:35:33.000 Whoa! 0.71
00:35:33.000 I'd like to eat that. 0.71
00:35:34.000 So this machine, you pour the grinds in there and it literally makes a perfect cup of coffee.
00:35:40.000 I think it's insanely expensive.
00:35:42.000 It was at least $11,000.
00:35:44.000 $11,000?!
00:35:45.000 That's crazy!
00:35:48.000 For one cup of coffee at a time.
00:35:51.000 But the coffee's perfect.
00:35:53.000 Like, I had one.
00:35:54.000 There was a Starbucks in California where I used to go that had one of these.
00:35:57.000 Really? 0.97
00:35:58.000 Yeah, I had a few different coffees from there, and they were fucking sensational. 0.97
00:36:02.000 $11,000. 0.97
00:36:03.000 Look at that knife.
00:36:05.000 What? 1.00
00:36:06.000 I mean, after that coffee, at $11,000, you're gonna shit blood? 0.99
00:36:09.000 It's not strong. 0.99
00:36:09.000 It's tasty, right? 0.99
00:36:10.000 No, it's not strong.
00:36:11.000 It just tastes perfect.
00:36:12.000 It's not stronger than regular coffee at all.
00:36:15.000 Alright.
00:36:15.000 It's just the whole thing is about, like, real coffee dorks.
00:36:19.000 There's that 90s emo kid behind him.
00:36:21.000 He looks like he's about to start the band push.
00:36:23.000 That guy could not look like more of a barista if he tried.
00:36:26.000 I know, right?
00:36:28.000 Barista explains it all.
00:36:32.000 That's a deep pull.
00:36:33.000 That was a good one.
00:36:36.000 The real-time coffee nerds.
00:36:38.000 Bring up Clarissa who explains it all.
00:36:40.000 They do everything by, like, numbers.
00:36:43.000 Oh, really?
00:36:43.000 Exact temperature for the water.
00:36:45.000 Exact temperature, weight, exact amount of time brewing.
00:36:47.000 Are you farting?
00:36:49.000 Oh, Jesus!
00:36:50.000 This whiskey's going through me.
00:36:52.000 That sounded bad.
00:36:54.000 That was a pop quiz.
00:36:56.000 You were trying too hard.
00:36:58.000 Sorry, I pushed it out.
00:37:00.000 You should feel proud of that. 0.98
00:37:02.000 That was funny as shit. 0.98
00:37:03.000 That was my favorite part so far. 0.98
00:37:09.000 There's more where that came from. 0.88
00:37:11.000 I always feel like a dickhead when I go into my coffee shop. 0.97
00:37:14.000 Really? 1.00
00:37:14.000 You know, they're all like young, cool people with tattoos and shit. 1.00
00:37:17.000 Yeah, they make you feel that way. 0.98
00:37:18.000 I always just woke up.
00:37:19.000 I'm in a Phillies jersey and gym shorts.
00:37:21.000 Right.
00:37:21.000 I feel weird.
00:37:22.000 I bet you make them feel weird, too, though.
00:37:24.000 Definitely.
00:37:24.000 Yeah, that's what's funny.
00:37:25.000 I go in, I go, [...
00:37:41.000 Yeah, you say you're writing.
00:37:42.000 I go, I got some good ideas.
00:37:43.000 Exactly.
00:37:44.000 You need to hear about it.
00:37:45.000 Somebody was comparing, there was like some chart where they were comparing one of those oat milk things.
00:37:51.000 I don't know which one.
00:37:52.000 But they said they have the same glycemic index as Coca-Cola.
00:37:56.000 What does that mean?
00:37:57.000 What's glycemic index?
00:37:58.000 Sugar.
00:37:59.000 That's a lot of sugar. 0.99
00:38:00.000 I heard almond milk is all sugar, too.
00:38:01.000 There's a lot.
00:38:02.000 Duncan told me, this stuff is delicious and it's good for you.
00:38:06.000 I go, how many grams of sugar in that thing? 1.00
00:38:08.000 He texts me back, fuck! 1.00
00:38:12.000 That's why it tastes good, dude. 1.00
00:38:13.000 You're drinking syrup.
00:38:14.000 Yeah, what's wrong with milk?
00:38:15.000 Milk is good.
00:38:16.000 I love half and half.
00:38:17.000 It's bad for you.
00:38:18.000 Is that oatly stuff?
00:38:19.000 Dairy. 0.99
00:38:20.000 My life's been shit since I stopped drinking milk, dude. 1.00
00:38:23.000 Okay, look at that. 1.00
00:38:24.000 Holy shit! 0.99
00:38:26.000 No one's drinking 12 ounces of Oatly. 1.00
00:38:29.000 You don't drink a glass of it?
00:38:31.000 You do a splash in your coffee.
00:38:33.000 What?
00:38:33.000 Glycemic load sounds nasty.
00:38:34.000 No, don't you think people drink it?
00:38:36.000 Drink straight oat milk?
00:38:37.000 I drink straight almond milk.
00:38:39.000 I used to.
00:38:40.000 I don't anymore, but I used to.
00:38:42.000 So Oatly, for 12 ounces of Oatly, it's 19, what is that, grams?
00:38:47.000 I feel like they should change the name of rapeseed oil.
00:38:51.000 So the glycemic load...
00:38:53.000 That's a great word.
00:38:55.000 Rapeseed. 1.00
00:38:56.000 The glycemic load is 19 for Oakley and 20. Rapeseed?
00:39:02.000 What are they coming after that word?
00:39:04.000 They changed wandering Jew, but they leave rapeseed. 1.00
00:39:07.000 Wait, what was wandering Jew? 0.99
00:39:09.000 It's a plant.
00:39:10.000 Really?
00:39:10.000 Yeah.
00:39:11.000 You go in now, you're like, do you have any wandering Jews? 0.90
00:39:12.000 Like, I haven't heard that in about seven years.
00:39:14.000 Wow, with that beard, that's you.
00:39:16.000 Yeah, rapeseed's a weird one, right? 0.93
00:39:18.000 How do you still have that around?
00:39:19.000 Because I think it's canola oil, too.
00:39:23.000 Isn't it?
00:39:23.000 Isn't it the same thing, Jamie?
00:39:25.000 That's a good change.
00:39:26.000 I was against the Redskins.
00:39:27.000 I'm good with Brazil nut. 0.72
00:39:30.000 Yeah.
00:39:31.000 Fighting Irish is still around. 0.99
00:39:33.000 Fighting Irish is great. 0.96
00:39:33.000 It's like a drunk midget. 0.96
00:39:34.000 Oh, I got a good fighting Irish story. 1.00
00:39:36.000 Fitzsimmons talks about that.
00:39:38.000 Yeah, so rapeseed oil is canola oil.
00:39:40.000 Why are they using that?
00:39:42.000 It's just called canola.
00:39:44.000 Yeah, why do they have two different words?
00:39:47.000 Rapeseed oil is one of the oldest known vegetable oils.
00:39:50.000 Where did the name come from?
00:39:52.000 There are both edible and industrial forms produced from rapeseed, the seed of several cultivators.
00:39:58.000 Canola oil is a food grade version derived from rapeseed cultivars, specifically bred for low uric acid content, also known as low uric acid rapeseed oil.
00:40:11.000 There's the name for rapeseed culture in the Latin word, rape them. 1.00
00:40:16.000 Generally recognized as safe?
00:40:19.000 Look how that's phrased.
00:40:21.000 Look at that.
00:40:21.000 But look up there.
00:40:22.000 Look how that's phrased.
00:40:23.000 There's a link you can click.
00:40:26.000 See, it says generally recognized as safe?
00:40:30.000 That just brings up Wikipedia what that means.
00:40:32.000 It's just a seed.
00:40:33.000 What are you talking about?
00:40:35.000 Generally?
00:40:36.000 Like, who doesn't think it's safe?
00:40:36.000 Generally means not completely safe.
00:40:38.000 Yeah, if you say generally...
00:40:40.000 I go, what?
00:40:41.000 That's like when they approved OxyContin.
00:40:44.000 It's believed to be non-addictive.
00:40:46.000 That was the first time they ever had that language.
00:40:48.000 You saw that?
00:40:48.000 That's crazy.
00:40:49.000 Yeah, I had Peter Burg on.
00:40:50.000 He's the guy who made the most recent Netflix one.
00:40:54.000 The movie?
00:40:54.000 The documentary?
00:40:55.000 The Netflix one?
00:40:56.000 No, what is it called?
00:40:58.000 The Netflix one?
00:40:58.000 Oh, Painkiller.
00:40:59.000 Painkiller.
00:40:59.000 With Matthew Broderick.
00:41:00.000 It was so good.
00:41:01.000 It makes me realize any name drug they're prescribing, it's like they're on the take.
00:41:06.000 It's wild.
00:41:07.000 Oh, yeah. 0.99
00:41:07.000 They're horrible people. 0.99
00:41:08.000 It's wild. 0.99
00:41:09.000 Wild. 1.00
00:41:09.000 How they got the salesmen to meet up with the good cases of, like, this helped me, so they could sell it better to the doctors and, like, dress up with your tits out. 1.00
00:41:18.000 Did you see that they found the dude who approved it? 0.97
00:41:20.000 They had this guy from the FDA would not approve it.
00:41:23.000 Would not approve it.
00:41:24.000 It was, like, one guy.
00:41:24.000 And then they lock him in a hotel room for two days.
00:41:27.000 And he comes out, and that was the language they used.
00:41:30.000 It's believed.
00:41:32.000 First time they've ever used that language.
00:41:34.000 Believed to be non-addictive.
00:41:36.000 What are you talking about, believed? 0.94
00:41:39.000 That fucked up the whole country. 0.71
00:41:41.000 So they found this dude. 0.92
00:41:42.000 He's in a rural town in New Hampshire.
00:41:45.000 They always are.
00:41:46.000 I mean, he went right from the FDA to work for Purdue.
00:41:50.000 Wow.
00:41:51.000 And they gave him like a $400,000 a year job.
00:41:54.000 Why don't the activists get on this?
00:41:55.000 They're all worried about everything else.
00:41:56.000 This is killing people.
00:41:58.000 Well, in that show, the governor of West Virginia was like, it's killing our state.
00:42:02.000 We've got to do something.
00:42:03.000 He goes, ah, we're good.
00:42:04.000 He got a job with them.
00:42:08.000 It's so crazy.
00:42:09.000 It's so crazy.
00:42:11.000 And then they were gonna give these people, the Sackler family was gonna give up like six billion dollars and through that they wouldn't be able to get prosecuted.
00:42:20.000 And then a US judge What is the story on that?
00:42:25.000 It was Giuliani.
00:42:26.000 Giuliani called somebody who called the White House, and the White House called the DA, and the DA called the guy and goes, nah, make the deal.
00:42:33.000 10 million.
00:42:33.000 10 million.
00:42:34.000 Which is like an afternoon.
00:42:36.000 What do you mean 10 million?
00:42:37.000 What are you talking about?
00:42:38.000 They got almost a slap on the wrist and said, we won't prosecute.
00:42:41.000 No, no, no, no, no.
00:42:41.000 I'm talking about the new thing.
00:42:43.000 The new thing is the Sacklers apparently agreed to pay somewhere in the neighborhood of like, see if you can find the store.
00:42:51.000 $6 billion.
00:42:52.000 So $6 billion. 0.99
00:42:53.000 And in return, they are fucking very clever with the finances. 0.97
00:42:58.000 Which they've never paid. 0.93
00:43:00.000 Yeah, and so in return for that, they would not be able to get prosecuted.
00:43:04.000 But apparently they put the kibosh on that.
00:43:05.000 After Painkiller came out. 0.99
00:43:07.000 People were like, what the fuck did you do? 0.99
00:43:08.000 Good! 1.00
00:43:09.000 You ever take an Oxycontin?
00:43:10.000 No, it's pretty damn good.
00:43:11.000 That's what Peter Berg was saying.
00:43:13.000 Oh, yeah.
00:43:14.000 How great it is.
00:43:15.000 Remember Brett Favre?
00:43:16.000 Was it Brett Favre?
00:43:17.000 Brett Favre was on it.
00:43:18.000 I'm addicted to painkillers.
00:43:19.000 I gotta go rehab.
00:43:19.000 People were like, okay.
00:43:20.000 But no one looked into what that means. 1.00
00:43:22.000 Yeah, everyone was like, Brett Favre's a fucking idiot. 1.00
00:43:24.000 Turns out everybody in the country was addicted to it. 1.00
00:43:26.000 Right.
00:43:27.000 There's so much of it floating around.
00:43:31.000 There's somebody on it right now listening.
00:43:32.000 Yeah.
00:43:33.000 Having a great night.
00:43:34.000 Yeah, he's taking a nap. 0.99
00:43:35.000 He's like, man, these guys are really harsh on my fucking mind. 0.99
00:43:37.000 Ref Arm says he used to take a month's worth of painkillers in two days. 0.99
00:43:39.000 Wow! 1.00
00:43:41.000 Holy shit. 1.00
00:43:41.000 Great dick pic. 1.00
00:43:43.000 Gunslinger. 1.00
00:43:43.000 What a legend, dude. 1.00
00:43:46.000 Good for him.
00:43:46.000 Yep.
00:43:47.000 Oh yeah, I remember that. 0.98
00:43:48.000 He was taking them before games and shit. 0.98
00:43:49.000 15 Vicodins at a time. 0.99
00:43:51.000 Oh my god.
00:43:52.000 What a champ.
00:43:53.000 Take a little more, take a little more, take a little more. 1.00
00:43:55.000 How does he shit? 1.00
00:43:56.000 I mean, he's a packer. 1.00
00:43:57.000 Look at what he said here. 1.00
00:43:59.000 Did you sign up a bitch? 1.00
00:44:00.000 A constipation joke. 1.00
00:44:01.000 How dare you, Mark?
00:44:02.000 That was good.
00:44:02.000 We got a hit, dude.
00:44:03.000 That was a good one.
00:44:06.000 I tell people all the time that I took 15 Vicodin ES at one time and they're like, didn't it knock you out?
00:44:11.000 It did totally the opposite.
00:44:13.000 I was up.
00:44:14.000 That's kind of the way addictions, too.
00:44:16.000 Wow.
00:44:16.000 Way with addictions, too.
00:44:18.000 What it's supposed to do, it doesn't, Favre said.
00:44:20.000 Oh, wow.
00:44:21.000 Wow.
00:44:22.000 Interesting.
00:44:23.000 He's still kicking, though.
00:44:25.000 It wasn't just 96 when people knew about it because of the announcement.
00:44:28.000 It was three years before.
00:44:29.000 He was already hooked.
00:44:31.000 He was in something about Mary.
00:44:33.000 That's right.
00:44:34.000 Interesting.
00:44:34.000 Interesting.
00:44:36.000 Wow.
00:44:36.000 Yeah, it's really bad.
00:44:38.000 Well, it also really impairs judgment.
00:44:41.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00
00:44:42.000 They fucking lose themselves. 1.00
00:44:44.000 They'll steal from their friends. 1.00
00:44:46.000 Crush it.
00:44:46.000 Yeah, they'll do anything.
00:44:47.000 Instantly makes you do heroin.
00:44:48.000 I mean, that's always the thing.
00:44:50.000 Like, if you know a guy who's got a pill problem, you don't just leave him in your house.
00:44:53.000 Ambien too.
00:44:55.000 They'll have to steal stuff. 0.56
00:44:56.000 Even if it's your friend.
00:44:57.000 What they always sold it to us is like, Oxy is the same as heroin, but like, yeah, but not exactly like it.
00:45:02.000 And that show is like, no, no, no, it is.
00:45:03.000 It's just slow release.
00:45:04.000 It's heroin.
00:45:05.000 There's a great scene in the show that one doctor yells at the girl.
00:45:09.000 Yeah, that's nice.
00:45:10.000 She's trying to sell it to him.
00:45:11.000 You have no idea what you're selling. 1.00
00:45:12.000 Oh, you're a drug dealer with a ponytail. 0.99
00:45:14.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:45:14.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:45:14.000 My two friends in high school died of methadone. 1.00
00:45:17.000 It's no joke.
00:45:18.000 We used to play pool with the Methadonians.
00:45:22.000 When I used to go to this pool hall that I used to play at in White Plains was right next to these people that were on Methadone.
00:45:31.000 So these Methadone dudes would come in and my friend Johnny used to call them the Methadonians.
00:45:36.000 They would come in and just be playing pool like this.
00:45:38.000 It felt nice.
00:45:40.000 Couldn't phase him. 1.00
00:45:40.000 Oh, fucking sweet people. 1.00
00:45:42.000 Couldn't phase him. 1.00
00:45:43.000 Were they good at pool?
00:45:43.000 No.
00:45:44.000 They were all terrible. 0.97
00:45:45.000 They were all terrible. 0.95
00:45:46.000 They just leaned on the table for 20 minutes. 0.94
00:45:48.000 The guys who did heroin.
00:45:48.000 Those guys were good at pool.
00:45:50.000 The heroin guys were good.
00:45:51.000 The heroin guy, one guy in particular.
00:45:52.000 Steady his nerves.
00:45:53.000 Yeah, he would steady his nerves.
00:45:54.000 You get in a zone, yeah, on heroin.
00:45:56.000 This guy was a world championship caliber pool player.
00:45:59.000 Doing heroin and he would shoot up.
00:46:01.000 Wow.
00:46:01.000 I mean, look at Mitch Hedberg.
00:46:03.000 He was killing.
00:46:04.000 He was killing.
00:46:05.000 I think there's a freedom to that drug. 1.00
00:46:09.000 Who fucking cares? 0.99
00:46:10.000 When you become a functioning heroin addict, not when you start taking weed, but once you're like, I can be fine on this. 1.00
00:46:17.000 Yikes.
00:46:17.000 The heroin version of that would be awesome.
00:46:19.000 The thing is, if you know what it is, and you know what you're doing, and you're getting pure stuff, like Dr. Carl Hart, you know who that guy is?
00:46:26.000 The guy from Columbia?
00:46:28.000 He's a brilliant guy who does drugs.
00:46:30.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. 0.95
00:46:31.000 He does drugs.
00:46:32.000 He's like, I just get the good stuff.
00:46:34.000 He talks openly about how he likes to sniff heroin. 0.87
00:46:37.000 He kills his lovely. 1.00
00:46:39.000 Oh, yeah, the black guy. 1.00
00:46:40.000 Yeah, he's cool.
00:46:41.000 He's amazing.
00:46:41.000 He's Columbia.
00:46:42.000 Because he started out a complete straight-laced scientist with no experience with drugs whatsoever until he became a researcher.
00:46:50.000 And then when he's researching, he's realizing, like, oh, a lot of, like, the fears that we have of these things are overblown.
00:46:55.000 A lot of the addictions are from things that have been stepped on.
00:46:58.000 Yes.
00:46:59.000 He's functioning.
00:46:59.000 He definitely looks like a doctor who's getting a heroin.
00:47:01.000 If you were looking for, like, which one's the guy?
00:47:06.000 But that's...
00:47:07.000 You want him as your teacher.
00:47:08.000 I think he teaches at Columbia.
00:47:09.000 Oh, that'd be correct.
00:47:10.000 Well, the thing is, he doesn't encourage you to do drugs, but he says that all societies do drugs. 0.96
00:47:15.000 And this idea that they don't is ridiculous. 0.85
00:47:17.000 We're all taking... 0.82
00:47:19.000 Nicotine and drinking caffeine and alcohol and, like, people are doing drugs.
00:47:24.000 These are drugs.
00:47:25.000 They're just state-approved drugs.
00:47:27.000 Oh, yeah.
00:47:28.000 But it's just, for a guy, it's hard to be, like, a public academic and intellectual and to have that stance.
00:47:34.000 Like, most of them are not willing to go out on that ledge.
00:47:36.000 Not a lot of them are pro-heroin.
00:47:37.000 No!
00:47:38.000 No!
00:47:39.000 He's pretty sick, though.
00:47:40.000 He's like Galileo.
00:47:42.000 He's making it work.
00:47:43.000 Well, he's a legit scientist.
00:47:45.000 He's a legit PhD.
00:47:49.000 He's for real.
00:47:50.000 He studies the effects of psychoactive drugs on humans.
00:47:52.000 He's detailed his drug use in a new book titled, Drug Use for Grown-Ups Chasing Liberty in the Land of Fear.
00:47:58.000 Hart, who is currently on sabbatical until July, is the chair of the prestigious university's psych department.
00:48:04.000 He hopes that coming clean about his drug use will help lead to decriminalization of illegal drugs.
00:48:09.000 Hart said that he first tried heroin six or seven years ago when he was already a tenured professor in his late 40s.
00:48:14.000 This guy's doing heroin and he's smart.
00:48:17.000 He's like, no, it's actually alright.
00:48:19.000 Y'all are just getting into it too early.
00:48:21.000 That's a legit brave person.
00:48:23.000 That quote was a heroin addict quote.
00:48:25.000 He's like, I just snort a little to feel refreshed and ready to take on another day.
00:48:29.000 My sister said the same thing.
00:48:32.000 Really?
00:48:32.000 She's like, why'd I need it?
00:48:34.000 Yeah, but he said when you get off of it, he said if you're really addicted to it, if you do it a lot and you get off of it, he said it's like the flu.
00:48:41.000 He said it's people...
00:48:43.000 That's what he said.
00:48:44.000 He was fibbing, dude.
00:48:45.000 He said he did it, though. 0.73
00:48:47.000 You can die from it. 0.80
00:48:48.000 You can die from it.
00:48:50.000 Well, I don't think very many people do.
00:48:53.000 They do die from Xanax.
00:48:57.000 Xanax withdrawals.
00:48:58.000 Danny Brown and Ari.
00:49:01.000 Fat Ari.
00:49:02.000 He says, the use of heroin can be as rational as my alcohol use.
00:49:06.000 Like vacation, sex, and the arts, heroin is one of the tools that I use to maintain my work-life balance. 0.99
00:49:14.000 Damn. 0.99
00:49:14.000 Carl Hart. 0.99
00:49:15.000 They make good jackets.
00:49:15.000 He's got rules, buddy.
00:49:16.000 He rules!
00:49:17.000 That guy rules.
00:49:17.000 Look at that other guy just judging him with his eyes.
00:49:20.000 What's that?
00:49:20.000 You don't like cool professors?
00:49:21.000 I don't like cool professors.
00:49:22.000 What? 1.00
00:49:23.000 Study, motherfucker. 1.00
00:49:24.000 Shut up. 1.00
00:49:27.000 Shut up and study. 1.00
00:49:28.000 No, bro. 1.00
00:49:29.000 That's the only way the message gets out there.
00:49:31.000 That guy obviously is cool.
00:49:32.000 He's got dreads and he's doing heroin.
00:49:34.000 Yeah.
00:49:36.000 A little fun teacher.
00:49:37.000 Him and a heroin down.
00:49:38.000 Like, what do you do for a living?
00:49:38.000 I'm actually a tenured professor at Columbia.
00:49:41.000 Shut up, bro. 0.99
00:49:43.000 I know it's crazy. 1.00
00:49:44.000 They fucking believe me. 0.98
00:49:45.000 It's got to be the easiest class to pass, though. 1.00
00:49:47.000 Yeah, he's nodding off the whole fucking thing. 0.99
00:49:49.000 Yeah, exactly. 1.00
00:49:50.000 Hey, you failed your test.
00:49:51.000 You're on heroin.
00:49:53.000 He's like, I need it.
00:49:54.000 Oh my god.
00:49:56.000 How new is this needle?
00:49:57.000 I love that.
00:49:58.000 It's such a funny thing.
00:50:00.000 So I can face a new day.
00:50:02.000 It's like, yeah, dude, face a new day. 0.99
00:50:03.000 It sucks. 0.97
00:50:04.000 He makes it work. 1.00
00:50:05.000 He's making it work.
00:50:06.000 Yeah, but if you're on heroin, it's probably fun. 1.00
00:50:08.000 Yeah, shit rules. 1.00
00:50:09.000 But the comedown's got you rough. 1.00
00:50:11.000 Well, you figure out, he's a scientist, so figure out what brings you back up again.
00:50:15.000 Yeah, heroin of the dog.
00:50:16.000 It's all the dance.
00:50:17.000 Heroin of the dog.
00:50:18.000 I'm sure the right mixture of Adderall right afterwards would be heroin and heroin.
00:50:23.000 Come down and woo, Adderall! 1.00
00:50:26.000 We're good, baby!
00:50:28.000 Let's get pizza!
00:50:29.000 That's a great idea.
00:50:30.000 Next step. 1.00
00:50:31.000 How many people are on that shit? 1.00
00:50:32.000 That's another big one. 1.00
00:50:34.000 That's going to be a problem.
00:50:36.000 Speed, son.
00:50:36.000 That's going to be a problem.
00:50:38.000 Oh yeah, I think Trump's on it.
00:50:40.000 Same as that diabetes medication too that everybody's on now.
00:50:43.000 That's gotta be a disaster.
00:50:45.000 We really haven't researched this for weight loss, but just everybody do it.
00:50:49.000 Bad sign for our country.
00:50:50.000 Every doctor's like, go for it, it's fine.
00:50:53.000 I'll take a shot.
00:50:54.000 Brian Simpson tried it and he had to get off it.
00:50:56.000 He was having gastrointestinal issues.
00:50:58.000 I know people that were barfing a lot of it.
00:51:00.000 Yeah, not good, Matt.
00:51:01.000 Not good.
00:51:02.000 No free lunch.
00:51:04.000 You said it once and you said it again.
00:51:06.000 No lunch at all with it.
00:51:06.000 No free lunch.
00:51:07.000 So true.
00:51:08.000 No biological free lunch.
00:51:10.000 More lunch?
00:51:10.000 FDA announces shortage of Adderall.
00:51:13.000 No! 1.00
00:51:14.000 Oh, shit. 1.00
00:51:15.000 That was 2022. Back to school. 1.00
00:51:18.000 There's still a shortage?
00:51:19.000 I bet China makes it. 0.93
00:51:20.000 They're like, you know what?
00:51:21.000 You guys are getting cocky.
00:51:21.000 Get ready for some fentanyl, kids.
00:51:23.000 You guys are getting cocky.
00:51:24.000 You're concentrating too much.
00:51:25.000 No, you're getting cocky. 0.99
00:51:26.000 You're fucking relying on us a little too much. 0.99
00:51:28.000 We're going to cut back. 0.99
00:51:29.000 Good.
00:51:29.000 We don't like working so much.
00:51:30.000 We need to cut back.
00:51:31.000 Let's coke at the White House.
00:51:33.000 Yeah, I wonder where that came from. 1.00
00:51:36.000 Imagine, you know, like, your son already fucked up, the laptop got out, the whole thing, the fucking jig is up, everybody knows you're a crook. 1.00
00:51:43.000 And then he's like, but dad, I'm clean now. 1.00
00:51:47.000 I'm proud of you, boy.
00:51:48.000 It's gotta be Kamala. 0.99
00:51:49.000 He fucking leaves a baggie in the bathroom. 1.00
00:51:51.000 Don't go to my room. 1.00
00:51:52.000 So here's the question.
00:51:53.000 Do they have cameras inside the White House bathrooms?
00:51:56.000 I bet they have it.
00:51:57.000 Doubt it.
00:51:58.000 Well, I was going to say they have it everywhere, but it's probably like, no, they say take cameras out of places.
00:52:02.000 I mean, how else do they catch Forrest Gump drinking all those Dr. Peppers?
00:52:07.000 I gotta pay.
00:52:08.000 Like, you gotta think the White House is the most photographed place in the world.
00:52:11.000 Tell that to Lewinsky. 0.99
00:52:13.000 You couldn't have, like, a loophole where you could just go in the bathroom and fucking trade secrets with a spy. 0.98
00:52:18.000 I bet the president's like, no, I need a place where I'm not recorded. 1.00
00:52:21.000 Yeah, you gotta shit. 1.00
00:52:22.000 That's an interesting question, though, right? 1.00
00:52:24.000 Inside a vestibule.
00:52:26.000 Oh, okay.
00:52:27.000 So it wasn't in the bathroom.
00:52:28.000 I think it's an unknown substance.
00:52:31.000 You know what it is.
00:52:33.000 Is this an old story?
00:52:35.000 The substance was located inside a receptacle used to temporarily store electronic and personal devices prior to entering the West Wing.
00:52:43.000 So he just dropped it off inside of a receptacle.
00:52:46.000 Doin' blow in the IT center? 1.00
00:52:48.000 Or it was probably attached to his phone because he's gross. 0.96
00:52:54.000 Right? 0.79
00:52:55.000 It's like sweaty, sticks to your phone, little baggy.
00:53:00.000 And then he pulls his phone out, the baggy's in there, he doesn't even know.
00:53:04.000 I doubt Hunter had to put it in a yonder.
00:53:06.000 Well, it's probably not a yonder. 0.99
00:53:09.000 It's a receptacle like when you go through a fucking radar machine. 0.99
00:53:12.000 Make sure you're not packin' heat to kill pops. 0.99
00:53:16.000 There's no surveillance.
00:53:17.000 You don't need a gun to go punch.
00:53:19.000 That's true. 0.84
00:53:20.000 Gut punch. 1.00
00:53:21.000 You could lick him to death. 1.00
00:53:25.000 I bet he tastes all right. 0.99
00:53:28.000 You got one of those arteries and you press down with your tongue long enough?
00:53:32.000 Yeah.
00:53:33.000 I would joke about him and I was like, I hope the special, like, when I got done filming it in June, it's coming out tomorrow, I was like...
00:53:40.000 Today.
00:53:40.000 Today.
00:53:41.000 I was like, he might die before the special comes out.
00:53:44.000 Yeah, room for him for a minute.
00:53:45.000 Like, I was for real.
00:53:45.000 And then I'd see clips of him in, like, Hawaii, just...
00:53:48.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00
00:53:49.000 I was like, fuck, dude, he's gonna die. 1.00
00:53:50.000 I'm gonna have to drop the special. 1.00
00:53:51.000 No, you made it.
00:53:52.000 You made it.
00:53:53.000 I can't believe...
00:53:54.000 Hey, look how cute!
00:53:56.000 Beautiful dogs.
00:53:57.000 Beautiful dogs.
00:53:59.000 Shane, you look upset they're taking a picture of you.
00:54:01.000 I was.
00:54:01.000 I was like, come on, man.
00:54:02.000 I saw it.
00:54:03.000 I said, please do not take pictures.
00:54:05.000 I said not.
00:54:06.000 That's a good pic.
00:54:06.000 Love on the spectrum.
00:54:08.000 They always do the worst. 0.97
00:54:09.000 That's so goddamn embarrassing. 0.96
00:54:11.000 In a rowdy stand-up set, Shane Gillis riffs on his girlfriend's Navy CLX. It wasn't even that rowdy. 0.96
00:54:16.000 It wasn't even that rowdy.
00:54:19.000 And being bullied by an Australian god.
00:54:21.000 Mine's way worse.
00:54:22.000 Why did they do that?
00:54:23.000 I don't know. 0.99
00:54:23.000 As soon as I saw that, I texted my manager and I said, who the fuck wrote this? 0.99
00:54:26.000 Take that down. 0.98
00:54:27.000 It should just be...
00:54:28.000 Shane does stand-up.
00:54:29.000 His new stand-up special recorded here.
00:54:31.000 Yeah, exactly.
00:54:32.000 Yeah.
00:54:33.000 100%.
00:54:33.000 Yeah, like that's going to help everybody.
00:54:35.000 Who's going to read that?
00:54:35.000 Who's going to read that and be like, I want to hear about that Australian guy.
00:54:37.000 Someone who don't want to listen.
00:54:39.000 Yeah.
00:54:39.000 Someone who's going to go, this is terrible.
00:54:41.000 Hey, was this set rowdy or calm or radical?
00:54:45.000 We had to get like minute clips.
00:54:47.000 You know how you got to like send a preview?
00:54:49.000 Yeah.
00:54:49.000 I couldn't.
00:54:50.000 I couldn't. 0.99
00:54:50.000 Every minute I said gay or retard. 0.99
00:54:53.000 Oh. 1.00
00:54:53.000 Oh my god. 1.00
00:54:53.000 They're like, no, no, no, no, that's so funny. 1.00
00:54:58.000 They got like 10 seconds of one.
00:55:01.000 Hey, look, we were in good company here.
00:55:03.000 We got Tim, myself, Nate.
00:55:06.000 See what my blurb is.
00:55:07.000 It was even worse than yours.
00:55:09.000 It's something about farting.
00:55:10.000 Mine's pretty good.
00:55:11.000 Awkward lap dances to the intimacy of letting one rip in front of a spouse.
00:55:16.000 Rapid fire. 1.00
00:55:17.000 And look at you with that stupid watch on. 1.00
00:55:20.000 You don't go anywhere without that watch, goddammit. 1.00
00:55:23.000 You got that right, baby. 0.96
00:55:24.000 Timex.
00:55:25.000 Never breaks.
00:55:26.000 What time does it say?
00:55:27.000 7.28.
00:55:29.000 It's close, same day.
00:55:31.000 Yeah.
00:55:31.000 It's 2.49.
00:55:33.000 It's funny, we got in the pool yesterday and I was genuinely concerned about the watch.
00:55:35.000 I was like, dude, did your watch?
00:55:36.000 Can't break.
00:55:37.000 Is it waterproof?
00:55:37.000 It's waterproof.
00:55:38.000 It takes a look and keeps on taking.
00:55:40.000 Is it waterproof?
00:55:41.000 Oh yeah.
00:55:41.000 Do you do the math with the real time?
00:55:44.000 Yeah, every time.
00:55:45.000 So, like, you just add time to it?
00:55:47.000 Yeah.
00:55:47.000 Like, look at the time right now.
00:55:48.000 What time is it really?
00:55:50.000 Uh, 3.51 in New York.
00:55:52.000 No, it's 2.49.
00:55:53.000 But I'm on New York.
00:55:54.000 New York is right.
00:55:55.000 It's New York time.
00:55:56.000 It's New York time.
00:55:58.000 What?
00:55:58.000 It's New York time.
00:55:59.000 I know, I know.
00:56:00.000 It's just funny that you were off also in the minutes.
00:56:03.000 I went to Australia.
00:56:04.000 I used it every time.
00:56:05.000 Yeah, how could you have the minutes wrong?
00:56:07.000 It doesn't make any sense.
00:56:09.000 It's a little slow.
00:56:10.000 Also, Mark sets his clock two minutes fast, so we'll be on time, and he's still 40 minutes late. 0.99
00:56:14.000 You were late today, dickhead. 0.98
00:56:16.000 I didn't know. 0.99
00:56:17.000 My watch says 51, too.
00:56:20.000 So what did you say?
00:56:21.000 Did you say 51? 0.98
00:56:22.000 You better believe it, fatty.
00:56:23.000 But that was a minute ago.
00:56:26.000 No, it was a different time on 52 now. 0.98
00:56:28.000 It was a different time than what the fucking time on... 0.98
00:56:31.000 No. 1.00
00:56:32.000 I bet this watch lasts longer than that piece of shit. 1.00
00:56:35.000 What do you got there? 1.00
00:56:36.000 What is that?
00:56:36.000 It's a Garmin.
00:56:38.000 Garmin?
00:56:38.000 This thing has a GPS so the CIA can track me.
00:56:41.000 They're gonna fucking shoot you in the head. 1.00
00:56:45.000 No, it does a bunch of cool shit. 1.00
00:56:48.000 Measures your heart rate, but it doesn't work on me because I have tattoos. 0.96
00:56:51.000 It doesn't work through tattoos.
00:56:52.000 What?
00:56:53.000 I had that with other things, too.
00:56:56.000 The best heart rate boner is the straps, anyway.
00:56:58.000 I don't understand anything.
00:57:02.000 With what? 0.99
00:57:02.000 I mean, if somebody told me the watch was reading your heart, but a tattoo was blocking it, I'd be like, what the fuck are you even talking about? 0.99
00:57:09.000 It's accurate, but not as accurate. 0.95
00:57:12.000 The ink gets in the way.
00:57:14.000 It uses light.
00:57:15.000 So if you look at the back of this thing, this thing shoots light out.
00:57:22.000 And it can measure, if it's over an area that doesn't have a tattoo, it can measure how quick the blood is moving through your skin.
00:57:30.000 That's wild. 0.99
00:57:30.000 If you're black as hell. 0.99
00:57:31.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:57:31.000 But it's not as accurate as the ones that you put around your chest. 1.00
00:57:35.000 They work on something else.
00:57:37.000 They work on, like, the...
00:57:39.000 What does that work on?
00:57:40.000 The chest trap one.
00:57:41.000 I don't want to fuck that up.
00:57:42.000 But it's more accurate. 1.00
00:57:44.000 How do they do that shit? 1.00
00:57:45.000 I don't want to see you yawn again, dude. 1.00
00:57:47.000 Oh, yonder.
00:57:48.000 Get a yonder bag. 1.00
00:57:50.000 Get a fucking... 1.00
00:57:51.000 Go bong a beer, dude. 1.00
00:57:52.000 Yeah, we got the eagle out there.
00:57:54.000 Get the eagle, Jamie.
00:57:55.000 Just clean it.
00:57:56.000 You cleaned it?
00:57:56.000 Yeah.
00:57:57.000 You get so excited for that thing.
00:57:58.000 You're so good at it.
00:57:59.000 He loves a beer bong.
00:58:00.000 Joe, is Jamie allowed to come to Ohio State Notre Dame with me, please?
00:58:03.000 Yeah, when is it?
00:58:03.000 Please, please, Joe.
00:58:04.000 Please, I have to work that day.
00:58:05.000 Yes!
00:58:06.000 Yes!
00:58:07.000 Jamie, you're allowed to sleep over.
00:58:08.000 Yes!
00:58:08.000 Pizza party!
00:58:11.000 Joe, can Jamie sleep over at my house, please?
00:58:14.000 Well, who's driving you guys?
00:58:16.000 You can drink at the house.
00:58:18.000 Only at the house.
00:58:20.000 Promise me you're not going to drink in the park again.
00:58:22.000 Fine.
00:58:22.000 Yeah, what are you going to do when your kids are boozing?
00:58:24.000 That's going to be weird, huh? 0.99
00:58:26.000 Hooking up with comics and shit? 0.94
00:58:29.000 Tony Hinchcliffe's going to be over there. 0.99
00:58:32.000 He's going to say, hello, father.
00:58:37.000 You're my father.
00:58:40.000 Just imagine if one of your older friends married your daughter.
00:58:44.000 That'd be a disaster. 1.00
00:58:45.000 What the fuck? 1.00
00:58:46.000 You have to fight him. 1.00
00:58:48.000 It's like Al Pacino old.
00:58:49.000 Yeah, you'd have to go now, dude.
00:58:51.000 Oh, God.
00:58:52.000 Al Pacino's having a kid right now.
00:58:54.000 Isn't that wild?
00:58:55.000 What?
00:58:55.000 Wild.
00:58:55.000 So is Mick Jagger.
00:58:57.000 Yeah. 0.99
00:58:57.000 Let's fucking go. 0.99
00:58:59.000 Those are like ultra-marathon sperm. 1.00
00:59:01.000 Them sperms been kicking it in those balls. 1.00
00:59:04.000 They've been in there since the fucking Cold War. 1.00
00:59:09.000 I mean, when was he born? 0.99
00:59:11.000 He's 80 years old.
00:59:13.000 Oh, same as Biden?
00:59:14.000 He was born in like 47. Al Pacino is 83. Wow!
00:59:19.000 Wow, he's born before World War II. Is that the girl he got pregnant in the middle?
00:59:24.000 When did World War II start?
00:59:26.000 1940?
00:59:27.000 41 for us, let's go.
00:59:29.000 Where were you?
00:59:29.000 It depends.
00:59:31.000 30s?
00:59:32.000 He's 5'6!
00:59:32.000 But 41 for us.
00:59:34.000 He's 83 years old.
00:59:36.000 Wow.
00:59:36.000 Still getting it up.
00:59:37.000 Blue chew, baby. 0.99
00:59:38.000 He's got that pre-fentanyl coke in his sperm. 0.99
00:59:40.000 Yeah. 0.91
00:59:40.000 Also, he's probably got great doctors. 0.91
00:59:43.000 His doctors are probably like, let's go.
00:59:46.000 Can you imagine that ball bag? 1.00
00:59:48.000 Holy shit. 0.99
00:59:49.000 My ball bag looks 83 now. 0.99
00:59:51.000 Can you imagine when you're 83?
00:59:52.000 What if it just gets younger and younger looking like a peach?
00:59:56.000 It plumps up.
00:59:58.000 I love ballplay.
01:00:00.000 Don't you love ballplay?
01:00:02.000 Twisted around.
01:00:03.000 Yeah.
01:00:04.000 Oh, really?
01:00:05.000 What's up with those guys who like getting their nuts stomped? 0.97
01:00:08.000 Stomped. 1.00
01:00:08.000 Those videos are so wild. 1.00
01:00:11.000 They go in weird directions.
01:00:13.000 It's like stepping on a half-deflated balloon.
01:00:15.000 Just kind of comes up.
01:00:16.000 So scary.
01:00:18.000 Jamie, can you play that?
01:00:19.000 Can you find guys?
01:00:19.000 And it's not like these girls.
01:00:21.000 I don't want to see that.
01:00:22.000 That's your mom's house. 0.99
01:00:23.000 Not like girls are turned on by it. 0.70
01:00:24.000 It's not like these girls with the shoes are like trained experts in how hard not to stomp your nuts. 1.00
01:00:30.000 Right, you gotta get a grape stomper. 0.94
01:00:32.000 You guys lose nuts that way. 0.98
01:00:33.000 I know of two guys who lost their balls in kickboxing. 0.99
01:00:39.000 What?! 0.99
01:00:39.000 Is that what stomp is? 0.99
01:00:44.000 One guy lost his balls because he went one more round with this dude, and he didn't want to put his cup on. 0.96
01:00:49.000 He was getting out of the cage, and then the guy was like, one more round. 0.99
01:00:53.000 He already took his cup off.
01:00:54.000 He's like, ah, just leave it off for one round.
01:00:56.000 Boom! 0.99
01:00:57.000 He takes his shin to the nuts, loses one of his nuts. 0.99
01:00:59.000 Two balls, one cup. 0.98
01:01:02.000 And another guy that I know of was a very similar situation. 1.00
01:01:06.000 Damn. 1.00
01:01:07.000 Kick to the nuts. 1.00
01:01:08.000 Gagey? 1.00
01:01:09.000 No, no, no.
01:01:10.000 These guys from a long time ago.
01:01:12.000 Lost the ball, like it just ruptured, blew up?
01:01:14.000 Blew his ball apart.
01:01:15.000 Don Frye?
01:01:15.000 Oh, bro.
01:01:16.000 Oh! 0.60
01:01:20.000 Look at this.
01:01:21.000 That guy spiral kicked down.
01:01:23.000 He stepped on it. 0.99
01:01:24.000 He did like a fucking front flip and landed with one heel on that guy's nutsack. 1.00
01:01:29.000 Yuck. 1.00
01:01:30.000 He was like, I'll hit you anywhere, but fuck, it's that exact spot. 1.00
01:01:33.000 That's a bad spot. 1.00
01:01:34.000 The amount of ball trauma I took as a nine-year-old.
01:01:37.000 What were you doing?
01:01:38.000 Like middle school, every single one of our friends was socking each other.
01:01:42.000 I was playing Super Mario.
01:01:43.000 Some guy whipped me with a racetrack, you know, like the track, the orange thing.
01:01:47.000 It hit me right on one nut.
01:01:49.000 I was out for like three days. 1.00
01:01:50.000 You didn't know how to protect it back then, so you just walk into like crossbars and shit. 1.00
01:01:55.000 I've been kicked in the nuts at least a hundred times. 1.00
01:01:59.000 At least a hundred times. 0.94
01:02:01.000 Probably way more.
01:02:03.000 Because I did Taekwondo all the time. 0.97
01:02:05.000 You were always getting kicked in the nuts. 0.96
01:02:06.000 I got kicked in the nuts over and over again. 0.98
01:02:09.000 I think in the UFC it was allowed for a while. 0.65
01:02:11.000 Oh, that early one.
01:02:12.000 That guy kicked 40 punches in a row to the nuts. 0.87
01:02:14.000 Keith Hackney and Joe Son.
01:02:16.000 Joe Son had him at a headlock and Keith Hackney just looked at his nutsack and was, let's go, bang!
01:02:29.000 The guy held on for a minute, right?
01:02:32.000 He was trying to be like this doesn't bother me.
01:02:34.000 He got through like one or two punches, right?
01:02:37.000 There was a fight in Brazil. 0.99
01:02:39.000 It was a no-rules fight and this dude reached his hand into this guy's pants and grabbed his cock. 1.00
01:02:47.000 So he's got a headlock, and he's just going right to the sack-a-rooney here. 0.99
01:02:50.000 That's what I'd be doing.
01:02:51.000 This is like a little brother fighting.
01:02:55.000 Let go of the headlock, bro.
01:02:56.000 Let go of the headlock.
01:02:58.000 That's a tight panty, too.
01:02:59.000 At this point, his body's probably paralyzed.
01:03:01.000 He probably can't let go of the headlock. 0.99
01:03:02.000 I go finger up the butt. 0.99
01:03:03.000 I mean, you get desperate. 0.99
01:03:04.000 He's just taking how many shots of the sack?
01:03:07.000 How many shots are we in right now?
01:03:08.000 What is that, Gary Shandling?
01:03:10.000 Oh, they're replaying the same scene.
01:03:12.000 20. Look at Don.
01:03:14.000 20 punches. 1.00
01:03:16.000 Shut the fuck up. 1.00
01:03:17.000 The Wild West. 1.00
01:03:19.000 That guy went to jail later for rape, didn't he? 0.92
01:03:22.000 Rape scene.
01:03:22.000 He just wanted to see if it could still work.
01:03:25.000 Is that true?
01:03:26.000 Yeah, he did.
01:03:27.000 Joe Song?
01:03:27.000 Yeah.
01:03:28.000 The guy getting punched in the ball.
01:03:28.000 Yeah, he did.
01:03:29.000 Wow, they still work, I guess.
01:03:31.000 That was a crazy time, man.
01:03:33.000 They used to be able to wear shoes, they could pull hair.
01:03:36.000 They would grab hair and elbow each other.
01:03:38.000 Some guys would wear a gi, other guys would wear.
01:03:40.000 I don't like that.
01:03:41.000 Grabbing hair?
01:03:42.000 I don't like any of that. 1.00
01:03:43.000 Well, don't grow a goddamn ponytail. 0.99
01:03:44.000 Yeah, you're just forcing guys to cut your hair. 1.00
01:03:46.000 I mean, I know you want to look cool, but you're going to fight in the cage.
01:03:48.000 In the NFL, in football, you're allowed to tackle a dude.
01:03:51.000 They don't call that horse color?
01:03:52.000 No.
01:03:52.000 Really?
01:03:53.000 They might have just changed it.
01:03:53.000 Could you grab the hair?
01:03:54.000 Yes.
01:03:55.000 Wow.
01:03:55.000 You should just tuck it into your helmet.
01:03:57.000 That's crazy.
01:03:58.000 They might have changed that.
01:03:58.000 But it looks wild.
01:03:59.000 I love the way it looks.
01:04:01.000 Those dudes have crazy braids coming out of there. 1.00
01:04:03.000 That looks dope as fuck. 0.98
01:04:04.000 Ricky Williams had that. 0.99
01:04:05.000 It's like a good way to shine.
01:04:07.000 It is a nice way.
01:04:08.000 Nobody can see your face.
01:04:10.000 I like it.
01:04:11.000 You gotta have the drip.
01:04:11.000 Yeah, I like it.
01:04:13.000 What was it, Kyle Turley had the long blonde?
01:04:15.000 He's like a Viking. 0.99
01:04:16.000 Damn, Kyle Turley, what a pull. 1.00
01:04:18.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:04:18.000 Paul Malu was like the famous one. 1.00
01:04:20.000 Paul Malu looked great.
01:04:21.000 But in MMA, man, in the olden days, you shouldn't really have a ponytail. 0.98
01:04:26.000 I know you want to look cool, but when Kimo fought Poise Gracie, these are allowed to punch you in the balls and pull your hair. 1.00
01:04:33.000 Don't get in the ring. 0.96
01:04:34.000 Also, what are you training for? 1.00
01:04:36.000 All you have to do is punch a guy in the dick. 1.00
01:04:38.000 What are we talking about? 1.00
01:04:40.000 Is that in the training? 0.99
01:04:41.000 If you're allowed to punch in the balls, none of this matters. 0.99
01:04:43.000 That's a good point. 0.99
01:04:44.000 Well, it kind of does because in the early UFC's you were allowed to punch in the balls and nobody punched Hoyce Gracie in the balls. 0.98
01:04:50.000 Somebody should have. 0.98
01:04:51.000 He knew how to fight. 0.99
01:04:52.000 It's not that easy to just punch him in the balls. 0.99
01:04:54.000 But if he's like crawling on you. 1.00
01:04:56.000 You've got to go for his balls. 0.99
01:04:58.000 If you get a chance, but he knows you're going to do that. 0.99
01:05:00.000 Almost no chance to do that.
01:05:01.000 I don't think I could.
01:05:03.000 Obviously, I know I couldn't.
01:05:04.000 Somebody could. 1.00
01:05:05.000 You'd kill me immediately. 1.00
01:05:05.000 Sure. 1.00
01:05:06.000 But if you were remotely in shape and a guy was doing jiu-jitsu to you, you could probably get his balls or his butthole pretty quick. 1.00
01:05:12.000 Squeeze him. 1.00
01:05:13.000 Butthole. 0.99
01:05:13.000 What is that? 0.99
01:05:14.000 Oh, he pulled the hair. 0.61
01:05:15.000 He scalped him.
01:05:15.000 Oh, boy.
01:05:16.000 Oh, he spiked it.
01:05:18.000 Oh, boy.
01:05:19.000 Look at that. 1.00
01:05:19.000 Fuck this guy. 1.00
01:05:20.000 That's crazy. 1.00
01:05:22.000 You're not supposed to touch black people's hair. 1.00
01:05:24.000 That's crazy. 0.99
01:05:25.000 That's what I've heard.
01:05:27.000 He was like, I'm sorry.
01:05:28.000 In all fairness, that's probably some stuff that's braided in there anyway, right?
01:05:32.000 I hope so.
01:05:32.000 I don't think dudes get extensions.
01:05:34.000 Yeah, for sure.
01:05:35.000 Men get extensions. 0.83
01:05:36.000 100%.
01:05:37.000 Some men do, but not really.
01:05:39.000 Yeah, that's crazy.
01:05:40.000 I'm not saying those guys did it.
01:05:42.000 But I'm sure some of them would do it.
01:05:44.000 So where did that come out from?
01:05:45.000 Yeah, a lot of those are extensions in the NFL. Really?
01:05:49.000 You can't grow that in the summer.
01:05:50.000 Yeah, I guess you're right.
01:05:52.000 Yeah, it takes a long time to grow.
01:05:54.000 Some are real, but a lot are not.
01:05:55.000 Yeah.
01:05:56.000 Half of it.
01:05:56.000 How long did it take you to grow that beard?
01:05:58.000 Started in late April. 1.00
01:05:59.000 Damn, son. 1.00
01:06:00.000 Pretty good. 1.00
01:06:01.000 I've been growing this for three years.
01:06:04.000 That's crazy.
01:06:07.000 Guys, if I had a beard like that, I'd be so cool.
01:06:10.000 I started in a protest before Shane recorded a special and I said I'm not gonna shave it till it comes out.
01:06:14.000 Hell yeah.
01:06:16.000 I grew a full beard once when this dude Evan Tanner died.
01:06:19.000 Evan Tanner was this MMA fighter that had this full beard and he was a real crazy dude, like real interesting guy and he died in the desert.
01:06:26.000 You know that story?
01:06:27.000 Yes.
01:06:27.000 We got lost on a motorcycle, right?
01:06:29.000 Yeah.
01:06:29.000 What?
01:06:30.000 Did we cover this before?
01:06:31.000 I've heard you say this.
01:06:32.000 That's terrifying.
01:06:33.000 Yeah.
01:06:34.000 Hey, look at that guy.
01:06:36.000 Look at Burt Rogan over there.
01:06:39.000 By the way, that's me like shaving the top.
01:06:41.000 If I don't shave my cheek area, it goes like a werewolf.
01:06:45.000 It goes all the way up to my nostrils.
01:06:47.000 You got a little Hezbollah going here, too.
01:06:49.000 Some real Muslim. 1.00
01:06:52.000 You ever think about converting?
01:06:54.000 No.
01:06:55.000 Of you? 1.00
01:06:55.000 Fuck it. 1.00
01:06:56.000 Really? 1.00
01:06:57.000 Islam.
01:06:58.000 You thought about converting?
01:06:59.000 You'd have to give up the Bud Lights.
01:07:01.000 No, no, no.
01:07:02.000 And the pork.
01:07:02.000 What are you talking about?
01:07:03.000 You can just be bad.
01:07:05.000 Oh, you can be bad?
01:07:06.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:07:06.000 But isn't that like, don't they kill you for that? 1.00
01:07:09.000 No, they don't kill you for Bud Lights.
01:07:11.000 Not in America. 1.00
01:07:12.000 But you're gay. 0.99
01:07:12.000 American Islam is pretty cool. 0.99
01:07:14.000 It's over there, Islam is tougher. 1.00
01:07:16.000 So, in American Islam, tell me what the rules are.
01:07:18.000 Same rules, you just don't do it. 1.00
01:07:20.000 Catholic girls aren't supposed to fuck in the ass, but they still do it. 1.00
01:07:23.000 Not all Catholic girls do that, dude. 1.00
01:07:24.000 Shut up. 1.00
01:07:25.000 That's our people. 1.00
01:07:26.000 That's all my people, dude.
01:07:27.000 My mom and my sisters.
01:07:29.000 Oh, I'm sure they were the cool ones.
01:07:30.000 One of the wildest. 1.00
01:07:31.000 They did not fuck in the ass. 1.00
01:07:32.000 I believe you. 1.00
01:07:33.000 I don't know. 0.97
01:07:34.000 She definitely didn't do anal. 1.00
01:07:37.000 Wow, they kind of show one of the same. 0.98
01:07:39.000 Yeah, that was the joke.
01:07:40.000 None of it's correct.
01:07:42.000 That was the joke.
01:07:42.000 Sorry.
01:07:43.000 You gotta jar loose at Favre dump somehow.
01:07:47.000 Favre dump.
01:07:48.000 That's taking a number four.
01:07:50.000 Come on, Jamie.
01:07:51.000 Jamo! 0.99
01:07:55.000 So you could drink?
01:07:57.000 Yeah, you could drink.
01:07:58.000 You're just not supposed to, right?
01:07:58.000 I don't think so.
01:07:59.000 And you can't be gay. 1.00
01:08:00.000 What about gay stuff? 1.00
01:08:01.000 They kill the gays. 1.00
01:08:02.000 You can do a little gay stuff if you're drinking. 1.00
01:08:03.000 If you're drinking, you can do a little gay stuff. 0.99
01:08:05.000 If it's on a boy. 0.65
01:08:07.000 Just as long as they say Salam Alaykum before your career. 0.87
01:08:09.000 You're allowed to have a little fun.
01:08:10.000 You're allowed to have a little fun. 1.00
01:08:11.000 Catholics have the fucking greatest scheme ever. 1.00
01:08:13.000 All you have to do is say you're sorry. 1.00
01:08:15.000 Oopsies.
01:08:15.000 The oopsie box.
01:08:16.000 I think that's a fair thing. 0.98
01:08:18.000 And they gotta tell you do this like 20 times and fucking mean it this time. 0.96
01:08:22.000 Can I just do it 10 times? 0.98
01:08:24.000 Sorry.
01:08:24.000 That's not how we do it.
01:08:25.000 What a fucking sweep. 0.99
01:08:27.000 What a sweet escape clause, though. 0.99
01:08:29.000 To let people...
01:08:30.000 Look, people...
01:08:31.000 Because they probably gave up. 0.99
01:08:32.000 Oh, I fucking stole money. 1.00
01:08:35.000 Shit. 1.00
01:08:35.000 Now I'm out. 1.00
01:08:36.000 Just tell everybody.
01:08:37.000 Say you're sorry, though.
01:08:38.000 It's actually pretty smart.
01:08:39.000 Remember when someone does something mean to you?
01:08:40.000 If they come up and go, yo, for real.
01:08:42.000 I'm sorry about that. 0.99
01:08:44.000 But what about the kid fucking? 0.99
01:08:46.000 You're alright, man. 1.00
01:08:46.000 The kid fucking's tough to apologize. 1.00
01:08:48.000 Well, it seems like that came about when they made celibacy mandatory. 0.99
01:08:53.000 Yeah, it's an unrealistic...
01:08:55.000 It seems like before that, there was a time where the priests were like, the rock stars.
01:08:59.000 And I think that became a problem because they were probably banging everybody. 0.68
01:09:03.000 Yeah.
01:09:03.000 They're the only ones who could read Latin.
01:09:05.000 They're the ones who are like distributing the word of the Lord.
01:09:07.000 Wearing cool-ass outfits.
01:09:08.000 Everyone else is in potato sacks. 1.00
01:09:09.000 I'm sure from there, like, can I just fuck Jews or something? 1.00
01:09:12.000 I guarantee you. 1.00
01:09:13.000 That's how you end up in a well. 1.00
01:09:15.000 Before it was illegal, I guarantee they fucked everybody. 0.99
01:09:18.000 Oh yeah, I went to Catholic school. 0.99
01:09:20.000 It was prevalent. 1.00
01:09:21.000 That's why a lot of gays become priests, because they're like, this is an evil thing, or let me go into a place where I'm not allowed to fuck anybody, so it's cool. 1.00
01:09:29.000 Most priests are gay dudes. 1.00
01:09:30.000 How about Confession? 0.99
01:09:31.000 That'd be a good podcast.
01:09:33.000 Confession podcast.
01:09:34.000 Just record it. 0.98
01:09:35.000 You think most priests are gay dudes? 0.99
01:09:36.000 I think most current priests are gay guys. 0.96
01:09:38.000 I don't think it's most, but I think it's a big factor of it, where it's like, this is the way I can cover up my evil desire. 0.95
01:09:43.000 Shane's out there collecting data. 0.99
01:09:45.000 I don't know where you're getting your fucking numbers from. 1.00
01:09:47.000 Young dudes becoming Catholic priests now are probably gay. 1.00
01:09:50.000 Super gay. 1.00
01:09:51.000 Do you know there's a... 0.99
01:09:52.000 Ah, man.
01:09:52.000 Every year there's a...
01:09:54.000 God damn it, Morgan! 0.99
01:09:59.000 That was a good one. 0.99
01:10:00.000 That was a really good one.
01:10:02.000 That was a really good one.
01:10:03.000 One out of ten, I'll get one.
01:10:04.000 That was great.
01:10:05.000 You're like seven out of ten.
01:10:07.000 You've got two home runs so far, bro.
01:10:09.000 You're on fire.
01:10:11.000 Gotta keep drinking.
01:10:12.000 Oh, man. 1.00
01:10:12.000 You just get fucked up, huh? 1.00
01:10:15.000 We're trying. 1.00
01:10:16.000 I'm in the hangover hole, so I gotta go back to normal with like two glasses.
01:10:21.000 That'll get me to zero, and then I can get drunk.
01:10:22.000 You can do it.
01:10:23.000 Yeah.
01:10:24.000 I believe in you.
01:10:26.000 Yeah, you guys didn't go to Catholic school?
01:10:27.000 You got the Moyles. 1.00
01:10:28.000 They suck the little dicks. 1.00
01:10:30.000 Yeah, you guys are sucking kids' dicks, giving them herpes and shit. 1.00
01:10:33.000 I was at Moyles' assistant for a while, just for that suck fest. 1.00
01:10:36.000 You got a little snack. 0.99
01:10:37.000 You got the crumbs.
01:10:38.000 So sweet.
01:10:39.000 That baby crumbs.
01:10:39.000 The crumbs!
01:10:44.000 You were waiting like a dog at the table.
01:10:46.000 They say it gives some kids herpes, because sometimes the moil's got to...
01:10:49.000 Babies have died.
01:10:51.000 What?
01:10:52.000 Died from herpes.
01:10:53.000 That they got from the moil. 1.00
01:10:55.000 Damn. 1.00
01:10:56.000 That is outrageous. 1.00
01:10:58.000 It is pretty outrageous.
01:11:00.000 There's a wild video of this guy explaining why it's important.
01:11:05.000 Pull it up.
01:11:06.000 Really?
01:11:06.000 Yeah.
01:11:07.000 It comes from a time when sand would get in there.
01:11:10.000 Sand? 1.00
01:11:10.000 Yeah, in the fucking desert, you've got to cut open a baby's dick. 1.00
01:11:12.000 That's not your rule. 1.00
01:11:13.000 Yeah, fucking windstorms. 1.00
01:11:14.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:11:15.000 Yeah, wash it off a little. 1.00
01:11:17.000 Suck the dick, Henry! 1.00
01:11:18.000 Stop the bleeding! 1.00
01:11:19.000 I'm not against circumcision. 1.00
01:11:22.000 That's alright, but you don't have to suck the kid's dick afterwards. 1.00
01:11:24.000 I'm against circumcision only for the dick sucking. 1.00
01:11:27.000 You want that sweet blood? 1.00
01:11:29.000 Oh, it's so good. 1.00
01:11:30.000 Imagine if they didn't cut the dick, they just said, look, we've decided that's a barbaric practice. 1.00
01:11:35.000 It's rooted in ignorance. 1.00
01:11:37.000 We're not cutting dicks anymore, but we still suck them. 1.00
01:11:40.000 We gotta suck them. 1.00
01:11:40.000 It's in the books! 1.00
01:11:42.000 It's in the books!
01:11:43.000 Come on! 0.61
01:11:44.000 It's in the book!
01:11:46.000 Guys, it's written down. 1.00
01:11:47.000 I gotta suck your babies, dude. 1.00
01:11:49.000 It's the wildest one. 1.00
01:11:49.000 I wonder if that's what fucking started. 1.00
01:11:51.000 I wonder if Hitler heard about that and was just like, what? 0.99
01:11:53.000 We gotta do something about it.
01:11:55.000 That was his personal pizza gate.
01:11:56.000 Somebody was like, Adolf, you know what they're doing down there?
01:11:59.000 They told him when he was messed up, too.
01:12:01.000 What? 1.00
01:12:02.000 These motherfuckers. 1.00
01:12:04.000 Ultra-Orthodox reach deal on circumcision suction ritual. 1.00
01:12:09.000 Deal!
01:12:09.000 Bill de Blasio made a deal with him.
01:12:11.000 He's the one who killed our park!
01:12:12.000 Bill de Blasio's administration says moles should no longer be... 0.98
01:12:18.000 Moil.
01:12:18.000 Moil, sorry.
01:12:19.000 Should no longer be required to obtain signed consent forms before the rights of...
01:12:25.000 Say that, Ari. 0.94
01:12:26.000 This is worth the last word.
01:12:28.000 Matziza.
01:12:28.000 Matziza.
01:12:30.000 Matziza. 1.00
01:12:30.000 Suck with the mouth. 1.00
01:12:32.000 Whoa! 1.00
01:12:33.000 I love getting a fucking, nothing better than a nice macisa bepé. 1.00
01:12:36.000 Bro. 1.00
01:12:37.000 Yeah.
01:12:38.000 Bro.
01:12:39.000 That's the, yeah.
01:12:40.000 Macisa bepé.
01:12:41.000 Of course I got a Jew to write this article.
01:12:43.000 Elon, you gotta write this one.
01:12:46.000 Elon Galan.
01:12:47.000 Yeah.
01:12:48.000 Yikes.
01:12:49.000 There's an article saying it could be a matter of life and death for baby boys.
01:12:53.000 Oh, man.
01:12:54.000 Because of people dying from diseases from the world.
01:12:57.000 How prevalent is this?
01:12:58.000 How much is this going on?
01:12:59.000 When I was younger, I'd see the rabbi just lick his fingers and then do it like that.
01:13:04.000 Just wash it off a little. 0.99
01:13:06.000 But he wouldn't be sucking it. 1.00
01:13:09.000 Yeah, but he was still getting his fucking herpes on the kid. 1.00
01:13:11.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:13:12.000 Oh, yeah.
01:13:12.000 Well, I don't think they all had herpes.
01:13:13.000 I don't remember that. 0.99
01:13:14.000 He sounds like a coward. 0.98
01:13:15.000 A lot of these rabbis don't have herpes. 1.00
01:13:16.000 God commanded Abraham to circumcise himself. 0.94
01:13:19.000 What?
01:13:19.000 I don't remember that part.
01:13:20.000 When Abraham was 99. He was the OG. He was the OG circumcision. 0.99
01:13:24.000 Oh, my God.
01:13:24.000 When Abraham was 99, God appeared to him and instructed him.
01:13:27.000 What is this website first before I even...
01:13:29.000 No, it's a religious website.
01:13:31.000 It's the G-D. It's the Bible.
01:13:33.000 Chabad.org.
01:13:33.000 That's the outreach.
01:13:34.000 Oh, that's right.
01:13:35.000 Okay.
01:13:35.000 Appeared to him and instructed him to circumcise himself and all the male members of his household, including his 13-year-old son Ishmael.
01:13:44.000 They're all gay. 1.00
01:13:44.000 After the circumcision, God sent angels to inform Abraham that his wife Sarah would give birth to Isaac, the long-awaited heir to Abraham's tradition. 1.00
01:13:54.000 So this is why the Arabs are mad. 1.00
01:13:57.000 This was when Abraham was 99 he had a kid.
01:14:00.000 What?
01:14:01.000 He had a second kid.
01:14:03.000 His first kid when he was 86. Yeah, but right there it says his wife Sarah.
01:14:07.000 That's when he was 99. This is why the Arabs are mad, because they're like, well, the firstborn son, that's Ishmael. 1.00
01:14:11.000 This is not real. 0.91
01:14:13.000 99, get out of here. 0.98
01:14:14.000 What are you talking about?
01:14:16.000 It's totally real.
01:14:18.000 Guys, they wouldn't write down something that isn't real.
01:14:22.000 That's like months back then.
01:14:24.000 Wasn't Moses like 800 or something?
01:14:26.000 About that, yeah.
01:14:29.000 You think Mark Norman's clock is bad? 0.96
01:14:33.000 Do you know how fucking bad their clocks were back then? 0.95
01:14:35.000 They had no idea how long a year was. 0.97
01:14:38.000 They were just guessing.
01:14:39.000 You know how much of a fight it'd be?
01:14:40.000 They'd be like, yo, it's Tuesday.
01:14:41.000 They'd be like, dude, I swear to God, it's Wednesday.
01:14:42.000 Meet me here at 3 p.m. 0.99
01:14:43.000 What the fuck did that mean? 0.95
01:14:45.000 That didn't mean anything. 0.97
01:14:46.000 For real, like, via Cabama, Ecuador, all these people lived to, like, in their hundreds, and they couldn't figure out why.
01:14:50.000 And then one researcher went down there and was like, how do you guys live so long?
01:14:53.000 Is it the water or something?
01:14:54.000 And he figured out they're just lying.
01:15:00.000 Look what this says.
01:15:01.000 How do you say that dude's name, Ari? 1.00
01:15:03.000 Methuselah.
01:15:03.000 No, the first guy.
01:15:04.000 Lamech.
01:15:05.000 How do you say that?
01:15:05.000 Lamech begets Noah.
01:15:08.000 Lamech begets Noah at age 188. Oh, come on. 0.95
01:15:12.000 And Methuselah lives 802 years after begetting him.
01:15:15.000 He was also the oldest of all figures mentioned in the Bible.
01:15:18.000 Methuselah is mentioned once in the Hebrew Bible outside of Genesis and in Chronicles 1-3.
01:15:23.000 I love the term beget.
01:15:24.000 I told a couple of girls to beget rid of it. 1.00
01:15:28.000 Oh no!
01:15:29.000 What's the age of consent there?
01:15:31.000 Like 600?
01:15:32.000 How does that work?
01:15:34.000 99 year old dudes having kids.
01:15:36.000 Well that's, you know...
01:15:38.000 We're getting close now.
01:15:39.000 We were just talking about it.
01:15:39.000 Which is funny.
01:15:40.000 800. They were lying, but we're actually getting close.
01:15:42.000 That's a wild thing to do, man, because you're not gonna be around.
01:15:45.000 Imagine getting carded.
01:15:47.000 You're just not gonna be around.
01:15:48.000 You're just not gonna be around.
01:15:49.000 God, I wish my special could have been 47 hours. 1.00
01:15:52.000 I would have covered all this shit. 1.00
01:15:54.000 Dude. 1.00
01:15:55.000 Do it again.
01:15:56.000 Do it again.
01:15:57.000 Bring it back.
01:15:58.000 You probably could do Jew too. 0.97
01:16:00.000 Just circumcision you could do that. 1.00
01:16:03.000 And have your nose come out of the water?
01:16:10.000 The fin!
01:16:11.000 The fin!
01:16:12.000 Come on, man.
01:16:13.000 And then, Jew 2. Jew 2. You can do it. 0.99
01:16:19.000 Ari, let's film something dope. 0.98
01:16:21.000 I got my bonus features I'll put out at some point.
01:16:24.000 They're like Q&As all over the world.
01:16:26.000 I just didn't quite make it to the special.
01:16:28.000 But can I just say this podcast, Protect Our Parks, has some of the biggest specials around.
01:16:33.000 Mine was huge last year.
01:16:34.000 Shane's is going to be huge.
01:16:35.000 Mark Norman's top ten for two weeks on Netflix.
01:16:38.000 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
01:16:39.000 We're just waiting for one more member. 1.00
01:16:41.000 Oh, you fuckin' hack! 1.00
01:16:44.000 When's this coming? 1.00
01:16:45.000 Where is it?
01:16:45.000 I don't know, I haven't even thought about it.
01:16:46.000 What?!
01:16:46.000 Why are you recording this?
01:16:49.000 Because I've just been writing new material and fuckin' around. 0.85
01:16:51.000 Alright. 0.84
01:16:52.000 That's probably a good move.
01:16:53.000 I'm so busy right now. 0.98
01:16:56.000 Right now, I like doing whatever the fuck I feel like doing. 0.82
01:16:59.000 Well, I wish I hadn't put mine out. 0.99
01:17:00.000 I got zero new shit. 0.99
01:17:02.000 It's fun though, right? 0.99
01:17:04.000 Isn't that fun?
01:17:04.000 It's fun, but you sell out a show and people are like, hey, we like this guy.
01:17:08.000 Then you go up and they're like, oh, what happened?
01:17:12.000 But I'll get there.
01:17:13.000 I'll get there.
01:17:14.000 It takes a while.
01:17:16.000 When you take that stack of notes that you have, how do you figure out what you're doing?
01:17:21.000 Well, the top sheet is the new stuff.
01:17:26.000 And what are those back sheets?
01:17:28.000 That's old stuff.
01:17:29.000 Show, give us a visual.
01:17:30.000 Well, I didn't bring it today because I got crucified on the lab. 0.65
01:17:34.000 My DMs went nuts.
01:17:35.000 And now every show I do, they go, pull out the notes!
01:17:37.000 I want to see them.
01:17:38.000 Well, they're at the hotel in a case.
01:17:41.000 You better put those.
01:17:42.000 The room service is going to throw those out.
01:17:44.000 Well, once she sees the swastikas on there, she won't touch it. 0.93
01:17:51.000 My maid today moved the lotion and the hand towels to my bed stand.
01:17:54.000 Nothing worse than that.
01:17:55.000 That's weird.
01:17:56.000 She moved it two days? 0.79
01:17:58.000 Yeah, she's like, I've waited on you before.
01:18:00.000 You left it on the bed, dude.
01:18:01.000 You left it on the bed.
01:18:02.000 Yeah, that's what it was.
01:18:03.000 You left it on the bed, dude.
01:18:04.000 I left it on the floor.
01:18:05.000 She cleaned it up.
01:18:06.000 I'm joking.
01:18:06.000 Oh, you left it on the floor.
01:18:07.000 I didn't know she'd come in.
01:18:08.000 I feel bad.
01:18:09.000 You're 50. Oh, you're so gross. 0.99
01:18:11.000 I'm jacking off, leaving lotion on the ground. 0.99
01:18:12.000 And if she saw your beard...
01:18:14.000 Oh, yeah.
01:18:15.000 Do you have a little beard?
01:18:16.000 Tears on your pillow?
01:18:17.000 No, but if she saw you and she knew whose loads it were... 0.99
01:18:19.000 God damn it. 0.99
01:18:20.000 I was hoping it was somebody hot. 1.00
01:18:22.000 That's that old Jew load. 1.00
01:18:24.000 Crazy bearded man who lives in the forest. 1.00
01:18:26.000 He's just whacking off all day. 1.00
01:18:28.000 Yamaka. 1.00
01:18:29.000 He's came out of a fucking lighthouse. 1.00
01:18:31.000 Just jacking off. 1.00
01:18:32.000 I know, you tugboat Jew. 1.00
01:18:34.000 I suck tugboat. 1.00
01:18:38.000 You studied religion more than any of us. 1.00
01:18:40.000 Probably, I would say.
01:18:41.000 What do you think started it all?
01:18:44.000 A way to exist.
01:18:45.000 Have you ever thought about it? 1.00
01:18:46.000 No joke, a way to exist, so we have some rules, so nobody tries to fuck your wife anymore. 1.00
01:18:49.000 Make up some rules for shit like that. 1.00
01:18:51.000 Don't try to kill any of us. 1.00
01:18:52.000 There's a monster up there, so if you hit him, he's gonna fuck you up. 1.00
01:18:55.000 It's pretty smart. 1.00
01:18:56.000 It's a way to build a society.
01:18:58.000 These are the rules.
01:18:59.000 Right, but the problem with that explanation is that that would mean that one person knows better.
01:19:04.000 Or someone knows better.
01:19:05.000 And they're writing these rules out for everybody.
01:19:07.000 But it doesn't seem like that's the case.
01:19:09.000 It seems like everybody believed them.
01:19:11.000 It wasn't like there was a group of people that didn't believe in the gods.
01:19:15.000 They all kind of believed in it at one point in time.
01:19:18.000 And they were writing these rules based on something. 0.99
01:19:21.000 But where the fuck did they... 0.95
01:19:23.000 What's the real origins of all those stories? 0.99
01:19:26.000 Well, it's like the media narrative.
01:19:27.000 They want to tell you what they want you to know.
01:19:29.000 I think it's just like every society was like, we all sort of agree with this.
01:19:33.000 So that became like...
01:19:34.000 It's also every civilization does it.
01:19:39.000 So just instinctively, it's a human instinct to be like...
01:19:42.000 There's something else.
01:19:44.000 Yeah.
01:19:44.000 It's like the reason you were talking about how nobody's content, which is actually probably a good thing.
01:19:48.000 That way we keep striving.
01:19:49.000 There's gotta be something up there.
01:19:51.000 There's something inside people that's like, there's something else.
01:19:53.000 It's gotta be.
01:19:54.000 We're not just dying here.
01:19:55.000 This can't be it.
01:19:56.000 Otherwise, we're not going to build this cool pyramid.
01:19:59.000 Yeah.
01:19:59.000 Exactly.
01:19:59.000 So you know what Baha'i says?
01:20:00.000 Baha'i says the things you find in every religion, like don't kill, don't steal, don't fuck your neighbor's wife, the flood. 0.99
01:20:06.000 That's probably the word of God. 1.00
01:20:08.000 Everything else is some church fucking it up. 0.99
01:20:10.000 Like kosher, that's just you guys. 0.99
01:20:11.000 Nah.
01:20:12.000 If you could go back at any point in time and see how people were living, it'd just be like an invisible bulletproof bubble.
01:20:22.000 You could just exist and watch and no one would know you were there.
01:20:26.000 That'd be fun.
01:20:27.000 If you were like 1890s and you're just not the racist guy.
01:20:31.000 Or dinosaurs.
01:20:32.000 No danger.
01:20:32.000 Yeah, anything.
01:20:33.000 Whatever you want.
01:20:34.000 1930s Germany.
01:20:36.000 Occupy Occupy Wall Street.
01:20:41.000 I'd be like, this is so quaint.
01:20:43.000 Little you guys know what's coming.
01:20:46.000 I was like, you guys have a really good idea, but it seems like you're not doing a lot with it.
01:20:52.000 Dark Ages Plague.
01:20:54.000 No, that'd be a nightmare.
01:20:56.000 Bulletproof.
01:20:58.000 Bulletproof's a good detail, too.
01:21:00.000 Yeah, you are in another universe, okay?
01:21:02.000 You exist in another dimension.
01:21:04.000 You're in a dimensional sphere that's allowing you to take place without- You can't talk to anybody, just watch.
01:21:10.000 You can't be interacted with.
01:21:11.000 Nothing can touch you.
01:21:13.000 Impossible. 1.00
01:21:14.000 So you can't fuck middle-aged whores? 1.00
01:21:15.000 No, no, you can't go nutty. 1.00
01:21:16.000 You can't go nutty.
01:21:17.000 You can't go nutty. 0.99
01:21:18.000 Middle-aged whores were eight back then. 1.00
01:21:22.000 Everybody died at fifteen. 1.00
01:21:25.000 That's a cougar. 1.00
01:21:26.000 Eight year old cougar.
01:21:27.000 Everybody was dying.
01:21:29.000 They were just dying.
01:21:30.000 There's a book called The Great Mortality by John Kelly.
01:21:33.000 I was looking at it. 0.99
01:21:34.000 It was fucking crazy. 0.99
01:21:35.000 The king of England showered three times in three months. 0.99
01:21:40.000 Oh my god.
01:21:40.000 And that was a scandal.
01:21:42.000 Everyone was like, this motherfucker. 1.00
01:21:43.000 He's using up the water. 1.00
01:21:44.000 He thinks he is something else.
01:21:46.000 Right.
01:21:47.000 No one shot.
01:21:48.000 It was rare to change your clothes once a year.
01:21:51.000 God.
01:21:51.000 Well, that's what they said about the Mongols, that their clothes, because there was animal skins.
01:21:55.000 Made out like rats and shit. 1.00
01:21:55.000 They were literally, yeah, rats. 1.00
01:21:57.000 Literally rot off of them. 0.94
01:21:59.000 Oh my God.
01:22:00.000 Their clothes were like rotting off of them.
01:22:03.000 There's two places I would go there.
01:22:05.000 I would want to see Genghis Kong take over cities in China. 1.00
01:22:09.000 I would like to see that.
01:22:10.000 I'd love to see somebody being at a Pol Pot village right before he comes. 1.00
01:22:14.000 Shit like that. 1.00
01:22:15.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:22:15.000 Imagine the pussy smell then. 1.00
01:22:18.000 Louis XIV was terrified of bathing. 0.99
01:22:20.000 He said to have taken only three baths in his life.
01:22:23.000 I thought it was in three months.
01:22:24.000 That's crazy.
01:22:25.000 That's a different story.
01:22:26.000 Way different guy.
01:22:27.000 Considerably worse.
01:22:27.000 It's probably another one.
01:22:29.000 Louis took the trend for perfumery to new heights by...
01:22:33.000 Is this the Sun King?
01:22:35.000 Commissioning is perfumered to create a new scent for each day of the week.
01:22:38.000 Oh, hold on.
01:22:40.000 That's the bro.
01:22:40.000 They felt water spread disease.
01:22:43.000 Oh, it was thought that water spread disease, so the less you bathed, the less vulnerable you were.
01:22:49.000 Which it probably did.
01:22:50.000 Wow.
01:22:50.000 Yeah, it's like pond water.
01:22:52.000 Wow.
01:22:53.000 Bring back one of those scarifiers. 1.00
01:22:54.000 Shitting into holes in the ground and not washing their assholes. 1.00
01:22:58.000 The cities were just... 1.00
01:22:59.000 Same water. 1.00
01:23:00.000 Everyone throwing their shit out of their fucking window. 1.00
01:23:02.000 Oh, right. 1.00
01:23:02.000 Dude. 1.00
01:23:03.000 No plumbing.
01:23:04.000 Slaughterhouses everywhere.
01:23:05.000 Rats everywhere.
01:23:06.000 That detailed when people were, like, at the beginning of the turn of the century in America and what it was like in, like, the early 1900s in America. 0.73
01:23:15.000 Oh, yeah.
01:23:16.000 They couldn't get food up to them.
01:23:17.000 It was horrible.
01:23:18.000 You think Amazon's dropping off your produce? 1.00
01:23:21.000 No, back then, no one's dropping off jack shit. 0.99
01:23:24.000 You're living in the city, no one's growing anything. 0.99
01:23:26.000 That's it.
01:23:27.000 Terrible nutrition.
01:23:28.000 This is an article called The Disgusting History of Royal Palaces. 0.85
01:23:32.000 Hell yeah.
01:23:32.000 Just the very first thing, King Henry's Court.
01:23:34.000 What about it?
01:23:36.000 Because of so much human waste that was accumulating.
01:23:38.000 Oh! 0.60
01:23:42.000 They actually did escape the disgusting messes large royal parties produced. 0.86
01:23:47.000 Palaces like Henry's Hampton Court had to be constantly evacuated so they could be cleaned of the accumulated mounds of human waste.
01:23:55.000 No plumbing!
01:23:57.000 Livestock and farmland also needed time to recover after supplying food for so many people.
01:24:03.000 Once the tour was over, Henry and a swelling court of over a thousand would keep moving for the rest of the year, traveling frequently between the king's 60 residences in a vain attempt to live in hygienic surroundings.
01:24:16.000 So he just kept shitting in all his different houses. 0.99
01:24:21.000 He's the original shit order. 1.00
01:24:24.000 He shit where he ate. 1.00
01:24:26.000 That's where it comes from. 1.00
01:24:27.000 I've been in there fucking eating poop for 12 years. 1.00
01:24:30.000 We gotta move. 1.00
01:24:31.000 Imagine these fucking people didn't know not to just shit in your house. 1.00
01:24:35.000 He's a hoarder. 1.00
01:24:36.000 He just kept moving spot to spot.
01:24:38.000 You don't want to go outside.
01:24:38.000 This room's done.
01:24:39.000 You go outside, you might get hit with an arrow. 1.00
01:24:41.000 Shit in the palace. 1.00
01:24:44.000 There's a million Jason Voorhees's outside. 1.00
01:24:48.000 Oh my god!
01:24:49.000 The hallways would come so caked with grime and soot from constant fires that they were fairly black.
01:24:56.000 The very crush of the court members was so dense that it made a thorough housecleaning impossible and futile.
01:25:02.000 Though cleanliness standards were subpar throughout the medieval Renaissance and Regency eras, royal courts were typically dirtier than the average small cab at our home. 0.99
01:25:11.000 I'll be honest, Europe still fucking stinks, dude. 0.99
01:25:14.000 Does it? 0.99
01:25:14.000 Yeah, I was just there last week. 0.99
01:25:16.000 These fucking people stink. 1.00
01:25:17.000 None of the windows are great. 1.00
01:25:19.000 They got the BO bad.
01:25:22.000 They call us fat, dude. 1.00
01:25:23.000 They stink like shit. 1.00
01:25:24.000 I don't care. 1.00
01:25:25.000 That's true. 0.98
01:25:25.000 They do stink a lot. 0.98
01:25:26.000 Ugh.
01:25:27.000 It's the worst.
01:25:28.000 I'm not doing great.
01:25:29.000 Are they noticeably fatter?
01:25:32.000 No.
01:25:32.000 Way thinner.
01:25:33.000 No, they're thinner, but I'm saying UK is catching up big time.
01:25:36.000 UK's got some chubs.
01:25:37.000 UK's on our heels.
01:25:39.000 Oh, really?
01:25:39.000 They're just 10 years, 20 years ahead of them.
01:25:41.000 They're pasty. 1.00
01:25:41.000 They've got all the fast food and shit. 1.00
01:25:43.000 They're getting it. 1.00
01:25:44.000 They're gross, like pasty and red. 0.96
01:25:46.000 There's nothing wrong with being pasty, red, and fat. 0.88
01:25:50.000 Some people like it, dude.
01:25:51.000 Some girls like it. 1.00
01:25:52.000 Alright.
01:25:53.000 But yeah, you know, they said in old New York, they had a company that would just move dead horses out of the road.
01:26:00.000 Because horses would just die, and you'd just leave it there.
01:26:02.000 What, are you going to push it in a dumpster?
01:26:04.000 Oh, Jesus.
01:26:05.000 Who paid for that? 0.98
01:26:06.000 Taxes?
01:26:06.000 I guess.
01:26:07.000 And there's horse shit everywhere, yeah. 1.00
01:26:08.000 Oh, horse shit everywhere. 1.00
01:26:09.000 But it's like an old car that just breaks down. 1.00
01:26:11.000 You just leave it. 0.99
01:26:12.000 And, by the way, imagine living in a whole city that's filled with people who took a fucking boat from Europe. 1.00
01:26:20.000 Everybody's a gambler, dude. 1.00
01:26:22.000 Everyone's a gambler.
01:26:23.000 Those are wild folks.
01:26:24.000 Ellis Island must have smelled horrible.
01:26:26.000 A boat that might not get there.
01:26:27.000 Might not get there.
01:26:28.000 Just for the chance.
01:26:29.000 How much do you really know about what's over there?
01:26:32.000 Nothing. 1.00
01:26:33.000 Somebody lied to you at a bar in fucking Ireland. 1.00
01:26:41.000 And then you show up and you're like, what is this black guy? 1.00
01:26:45.000 You show up and go, hey, you're going to fight in the Civil War. 1.00
01:26:48.000 What the fuck is that? 1.00
01:26:50.000 Wait, we're in a war with Italians here? 1.00
01:26:52.000 We haven't even met them before. 1.00
01:26:53.000 You gotta shoot at other Irish guys right away. 1.00
01:26:56.000 Weird. 1.00
01:26:58.000 Oh, yeah.
01:26:58.000 The Donner Party?
01:26:59.000 Like, let's take a chance on a different state.
01:27:03.000 Grandpa just died.
01:27:04.000 Just keep walking.
01:27:05.000 Should we go next year?
01:27:06.000 Ah, we gotta go this year!
01:27:08.000 Yeah.
01:27:08.000 There's something over there.
01:27:10.000 Curiosity.
01:27:11.000 How many people have they talked to that made that journey before them?
01:27:13.000 Yeah.
01:27:14.000 Was there anybody?
01:27:15.000 No, a couple.
01:27:16.000 The one guy was like, I know a better way.
01:27:17.000 The guide?
01:27:18.000 Oh, the guy said, I know a better way.
01:27:20.000 He was like, you gotta leave by March.
01:27:21.000 And they're like, late May still works.
01:27:23.000 Oh, no.
01:27:27.000 They just assumed something was over there.
01:27:29.000 Literally a map quest.
01:27:30.000 Literally a map quest.
01:27:32.000 They're trying to make a map.
01:27:33.000 They were just guessing.
01:27:35.000 They were kind of guessing. 1.00
01:27:37.000 They would eat like leather and shit. 1.00
01:27:38.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:27:39.000 Just boil a shoe. 1.00
01:27:40.000 And they were fucking the whole time. 1.00
01:27:42.000 Well. 1.00
01:27:42.000 In the back of those wagons. 1.00
01:27:44.000 They were all fucking. 1.00
01:27:44.000 They would have kids. 1.00
01:27:45.000 They'd have kids.
01:27:46.000 Really?
01:27:46.000 Yeah, there's nothing to do.
01:27:47.000 You're just stuck in the back of a wagon.
01:27:49.000 They split up. 0.99
01:27:49.000 One of the two parties had one fucking axe for firewood and they were swinging it and then that fucking axe handle just flew off 200 yards into the snow and they were like, We're all dead. 0.99
01:28:01.000 He couldn't find it? 0.99
01:28:02.000 It was gone.
01:28:03.000 What?
01:28:03.000 Yeah.
01:28:04.000 They had to leave a lot of trees on fire and that didn't work very well.
01:28:07.000 Wait, did you read that book?
01:28:08.000 The Indifferent Stars Above?
01:28:10.000 No, we were just nearby there.
01:28:12.000 Oh, really?
01:28:12.000 All the history is everywhere.
01:28:13.000 Bro, that is so terrifying.
01:28:15.000 When they found them, the snow drifts were so big that they were in pits of like 20 feet of snow.
01:28:20.000 The rescue people found them.
01:28:23.000 They would, like, look in the pit, they'd see someone just, like, eating humans.
01:28:28.000 They were like, oh, yeah, just cover this pit.
01:28:30.000 This person's dead, too. 1.00
01:28:31.000 Not to mention some fucking Choctaws coming at you with a face paint. 1.00
01:28:34.000 Some bullshit Chippewa. 1.00
01:28:36.000 Yeah, they had a couple of Indian guides, and then they saw them looking at them, like, drumsticks in those cartoons. 0.99
01:28:42.000 You guys are on your own.
01:28:46.000 Sacagawea.
01:28:46.000 Sac lunch.
01:28:50.000 The wild thing is that's not that long ago.
01:28:52.000 No.
01:28:53.000 That's not long ago at all.
01:28:54.000 It was like the 50s.
01:28:55.000 I always say it's like 1977. It's three people ago.
01:28:59.000 But this is why we make up all these problems.
01:29:01.000 Because look what we used to have to deal with.
01:29:02.000 That's in our DNA. And now it's all easy.
01:29:05.000 It's a gravy train. 1.00
01:29:06.000 And we've got to make up shit. 1.00
01:29:08.000 There's definitely that. 1.00
01:29:11.000 People like to stay at a fucking pretty steady level of discontent. 0.98
01:29:15.000 Yes. 0.98
01:29:16.000 And when life gets easier, they find new things to hit that level.
01:29:20.000 To get mad about it.
01:29:21.000 Exactly.
01:29:21.000 It could be gender, it could be the climate, it could be the vaccine, it could be Ukraine.
01:29:27.000 Climate is, I'm not trying to, you know, minimalize it, but it is funny to be mad about the weather.
01:29:40.000 The hikers resigned themselves to cannibalism and considered drawing lots for human sacrifice, or even having two of the men square off in a duel.
01:29:48.000 Several members of the party soon died naturally, however, so the survivors roasted and consumed their corpses.
01:29:54.000 The gruesome meat gave them the energy they required, and following a month of walking, Jeff Ross is out there.
01:30:00.000 Jeff Ross is in there.
01:30:01.000 Seven of the original fifteen made it to a ranch in California and helped organize rescue efforts.
01:30:07.000 Wow!
01:30:08.000 They got roasted. 1.00
01:30:09.000 For someone so pure and tan, it sure tastes like shit. 1.00
01:30:13.000 Imagine just hanging out with that dude if he survived. 1.00
01:30:17.000 You would've done it too.
01:30:18.000 Not much of a party.
01:30:19.000 You would've done it.
01:30:20.000 You would've done it.
01:30:21.000 Don't judge me, please.
01:30:22.000 Yeah, there was a lady that was dead silent about it.
01:30:24.000 She was a famous survivor of it.
01:30:27.000 Ice, please.
01:30:28.000 Ice bucket.
01:30:29.000 Yeah, call ice. 1.00
01:30:30.000 Nice fucking challenge. 0.99
01:30:32.000 There we go. 1.00
01:30:33.000 Thank you. 0.97
01:30:34.000 The scariest part of that book, the Indifferent Stars of Blood, was the fucking, uh, the planes were so, like, that was nuts back then. 0.93
01:30:42.000 Planes? 0.98
01:30:42.000 The Great Plains. 0.98
01:30:43.000 Oh, yeah.
01:30:45.000 It was like, it was nothing, and it was an ocean, and it was terrifying, but like, a little, a toddler, because you're with your family, and you would stop, obviously, but like, if a little kid got off the wagon and started wandering around, They would just get lost in the tall grass.
01:30:58.000 Oh, wow.
01:30:59.000 You couldn't find them.
01:30:59.000 Coyote would eat it.
01:31:00.000 They'd all cry and move on.
01:31:01.000 There's rattlesnakes.
01:31:02.000 Have another one. 1.00
01:31:03.000 There's all types of bullshit. 1.00
01:31:04.000 Wow. 1.00
01:31:04.000 Good times. 1.00
01:31:05.000 Let them keep wandering.
01:31:05.000 You'd just lose your kid like 10 feet away from you.
01:31:08.000 And now I'm like, the Domino's tracker sucks. 1.00
01:31:10.000 Yeah, this fucking guy didn't deliver my... 1.00
01:31:16.000 That's a good point, man. 0.99
01:31:17.000 Because it's not like all that land was excavated.
01:31:20.000 There was rumors of an easy way through.
01:31:25.000 Not like a paved road somewhere.
01:31:26.000 Just like, there's less trees right there, I think we can gut it.
01:31:29.000 But is that why there's people in Oklahoma?
01:31:31.000 Because they just stopped there?
01:31:32.000 Stopped.
01:31:33.000 Is that it?
01:31:34.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:31:34.000 No sick of losing fucking kids! 1.00
01:31:36.000 Some of them, they gave them homesteads. 1.00
01:31:39.000 They gave them homesteads because they used them as bait to fight off the Comanche. 1.00
01:31:43.000 They couldn't get through Texas, Oklahoma.
01:31:46.000 The Comanche conquered this whole area. 1.00
01:31:49.000 They fucking ruled it because they were the best on riding horses. 1.00
01:31:53.000 They were the best at killing people. 1.00
01:31:55.000 They were for real. 0.99
01:31:55.000 They were wild. 0.99
01:31:57.000 Empire of the Summer Moon.
01:31:58.000 Amazing book.
01:31:59.000 But they just gave these people these ranches and didn't tell them.
01:32:02.000 And then all of a sudden, Comanche would just show up and just slaughter the whole family. 0.97
01:32:07.000 And then they would have a reason to go after the Comanche. 1.00
01:32:10.000 And then there was like, you know, it wasn't until the Texas Rangers came along and then they started using pistols.
01:32:15.000 That was when they had a revolver so they could shoot five shots.
01:32:18.000 That was the Colt.45, I think it was.
01:32:21.000 It wasn't Colt.45, but... 0.98
01:32:25.000 Whatever the gun was, the original gun, that was the first pistol, and that let them go bang, bang, bang, bang, instead of bang, and then a fucking musket, you gotta put the ball in, and they're running at you, throwing arrows at you. 0.96
01:32:37.000 So everybody was getting killed, until they figured out pistols. 0.92
01:32:40.000 So once they had a revolver, then the Texas Rangers started.
01:32:44.000 And they also started cold camping. 1.00
01:32:46.000 But the fuck is wild, dude. 0.99
01:32:48.000 Dude, that revolver is like, you know in the movie The Aliens, you finally blow up the ship, and then you realize, oh, there's 14 more. 1.00
01:32:53.000 And the whole movie was blowing up one. 0.99
01:32:55.000 You're like, oh, we're fucked. 1.00
01:32:56.000 They must have been like, we're barely fighting off these whites. 1.00
01:32:58.000 And then it was like, bah, bah, bah, bah. 0.99
01:33:00.000 And I'm like, damn, it's over. 0.99
01:33:01.000 They got us. 0.99
01:33:01.000 They also started using long-range rifles. 0.99
01:33:04.000 That was the moment where they were like, oh, it's really over. 1.00
01:33:06.000 Damn. 1.00
01:33:06.000 They got a fucking, yeah, all the buffalo hunters had basically sniper rifles. 1.00
01:33:10.000 All right, just give us some blankets. 0.99
01:33:12.000 We'll call it even.
01:33:13.000 Those guys were getting really good at making long blankets.
01:33:17.000 Blankets have a smell on them.
01:33:19.000 Small bucks.
01:33:22.000 Yeah, once they had rifles, it was kind of game over.
01:33:24.000 But those Texas Rangers were so tough.
01:33:27.000 They're badass guys.
01:33:28.000 That was a wild thing to do, man.
01:33:30.000 A lot of them were bad.
01:33:31.000 Oh, really?
01:33:32.000 Yeah, everybody was bad.
01:33:33.000 Bad was like a standard back then.
01:33:35.000 It's a different standard.
01:33:36.000 Sure.
01:33:37.000 Just a few hundred years ago, everybody was a murderer.
01:33:40.000 All you had to do was not shoot someone in the back.
01:33:42.000 You were facing them at a table, and they weren't reached for anything.
01:33:45.000 It was fine.
01:33:46.000 Those Old West movies, they probably watered it down.
01:33:52.000 Colt Army Revolver, that's it.
01:33:54.000 Single action.
01:33:55.000 Colt's patented firearms manufacturer.
01:33:57.000 This is in 1871. Damn, that killed a lot of people. 0.99
01:34:01.000 So once they first started using those things, the whole game changed. 0.99
01:34:06.000 Imagine buying one of those.
01:34:07.000 You're like, hey, I won't die.
01:34:09.000 This is going to save my life.
01:34:12.000 Yeah, and you're running after the Comanche. 0.96
01:34:14.000 And I think you had to take the whole centerpiece out.
01:34:17.000 To change it?
01:34:17.000 Yeah, you had to take the whole thing out, and you could have another one.
01:34:20.000 How quick was the changeover?
01:34:22.000 Oh, it had six shots.
01:34:24.000 That's pretty good.
01:34:25.000 That's pretty good.
01:34:26.000 Well, for back then, that's crazy.
01:34:28.000 1871. Yeah.
01:34:30.000 How long did they have the first Russian roulette with that?
01:34:33.000 Didn't they have some revolvers in the Civil War, the American Civil War? 0.98
01:34:36.000 They had like carbines and shit, right? 0.97
01:34:39.000 1871. But that would have been before, yeah. 0.90
01:34:41.000 So they would have to take, I think they'd have to take that whole centerpiece out, the original ones.
01:34:45.000 You see it there in the far right?
01:34:47.000 Far right.
01:34:48.000 That's it.
01:34:48.000 Oh, yeah.
01:34:49.000 So that comes out.
01:34:50.000 And they put another one in there.
01:34:51.000 You had to have a packed one already, right?
01:34:53.000 Yeah, you probably had a few on your pockets, you know, that you were carrying around with you. 0.99
01:34:58.000 How cool is that in the army when they're fucking talking? 1.00
01:35:00.000 Fucking reloading. 1.00
01:35:01.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00
01:35:02.000 Let's go.
01:35:02.000 And they get back up there.
01:35:03.000 Yeah, it's cool.
01:35:04.000 That's fun.
01:35:06.000 That's part of the movie. 1.00
01:35:07.000 They fucking colonized Palestine. 1.00
01:35:10.000 Oh, jeez. 1.00
01:35:11.000 Ouch.
01:35:12.000 Oh, yeah, no, it wasn't swamped before.
01:35:13.000 Hotel Aviv wasn't literally a swamp before. 1.00
01:35:16.000 The fucking Jews got there. 1.00
01:35:18.000 How'd you guys get there? 1.00
01:35:19.000 What?
01:35:19.000 What?
01:35:20.000 On British ships?
01:35:23.000 You still need the Goy.
01:35:24.000 The Goy's gave it to you, didn't they?
01:35:28.000 Goy on Goy.
01:35:29.000 You're going too hard!
01:35:32.000 This is a good clip.
01:35:37.000 Don't you have a train to catch?
01:35:42.000 History is fun. 1.00
01:35:43.000 It's crazy that shit really happened. 0.99
01:35:45.000 Well, it's crazy that it didn't happen that long ago. 0.99
01:35:48.000 When I was a kid, I would think about World War II, I thought it was so long ago.
01:35:53.000 But it wasn't.
01:35:54.000 I was born in 67. It just got done.
01:35:57.000 World War II was 20 years.
01:35:59.000 So that's from here to 2003. 2003 was not that long ago.
01:36:05.000 2003 does not seem like that long ago, that that was like World War II from the time I was born. 0.99
01:36:10.000 Holy shit, that's crazy. 0.99
01:36:10.000 That's wild. 0.99
01:36:11.000 You know what's crazy?
01:36:12.000 The kid AJ in Sopranos is now the same age as Gandolfini in the first season.
01:36:17.000 Whoa.
01:36:18.000 Wild.
01:36:20.000 Seems like I should be older.
01:36:22.000 That show seems like it ended a million years ago.
01:36:24.000 That show was amazing.
01:36:25.000 Great show.
01:36:26.000 Killed Gandolfini. 0.99
01:36:28.000 Killed him. 0.99
01:36:28.000 He got a character too much. 0.99
01:36:29.000 He ate himself to death.
01:36:30.000 Is that what it was?
01:36:31.000 If you pull up what he ate on that last night, he was in Rome just going to town.
01:36:35.000 I think he was also doing blow.
01:36:37.000 Probably.
01:36:37.000 I think that's a part of it.
01:36:40.000 Look at Bert Kreischer.
01:36:41.000 He's still out there kicking.
01:36:43.000 Bert's becoming an actor.
01:36:44.000 He's like, I only take roles where the character drinks a lot.
01:36:48.000 Yes, the machine.
01:36:49.000 I don't think the roll killed him.
01:36:51.000 No, I'm joking.
01:36:51.000 That's what they always said.
01:36:52.000 He got so fucking deep into those fucking murders that he was like... 1.00
01:36:54.000 It was a dinner roll. 1.00
01:36:55.000 James Gandolfini's last meal included two portions of fried king prawns, fogwa, and eight boozy drinks.
01:37:02.000 That's not bad.
01:37:02.000 That's not so bad.
01:37:03.000 That's overblown.
01:37:03.000 That's a Ralphie Mae.
01:37:05.000 I bet it was a coke.
01:37:06.000 A large portion of...
01:37:07.000 Heart attack.
01:37:09.000 Well, Google James Gandolfini cocaine.
01:37:12.000 Yeah!
01:37:13.000 Yeah!
01:37:14.000 Getting off of your rules.
01:37:15.000 Great guy.
01:37:16.000 He was so good, dude.
01:37:18.000 So good.
01:37:18.000 He was so good.
01:37:19.000 I think he was only 51. 51. 51!
01:37:22.000 Damn. 1.00
01:37:22.000 Ari! 1.00
01:37:23.000 I know.
01:37:24.000 You're done.
01:37:24.000 He said to have eaten the entire meal by himself, along with two rounds of a pina colada and two rums on the side before having another two beers.
01:37:31.000 Pina colada! 1.00
01:37:31.000 These guys, this article's fucking... 1.00
01:37:33.000 That's us. 1.00
01:37:34.000 That's written by a dork. 1.00
01:37:35.000 Someone's a rat. 1.00
01:37:36.000 Someone's ratting on him. 0.70
01:37:37.000 They're being like, he died from the food.
01:37:38.000 It's like, nah.
01:37:39.000 But was he doing coke too or is that just a rumor?
01:37:42.000 I don't want to say that.
01:37:42.000 He was an actor.
01:37:43.000 Gotta be.
01:37:44.000 Gotta be.
01:37:45.000 Good point.
01:37:46.000 I would go ahead and guess.
01:37:47.000 I don't think it was a pina colada and shrimp.
01:37:49.000 It is crazy that he is.
01:37:50.000 I think he was probably doing a little...
01:37:52.000 Hey, Siri, how many shrimp has killed people?
01:37:55.000 He was doing something awesome probably.
01:37:57.000 Another article says chronic cocaine abuse.
01:38:00.000 It's all intertwined.
01:38:02.000 There you go.
01:38:03.000 What is abuse, Dr. Hart?
01:38:05.000 And what is enjoyment?
01:38:08.000 What is this abuse talk?
01:38:10.000 Heart attack.
01:38:11.000 Why are we using this language, this restrictive language of abuse?
01:38:15.000 Good point.
01:38:16.000 A little coke every now and then, it'll keep you flying right.
01:38:18.000 The wildest number thing that we were just talking about the other day, that between the invention from the first flight with the airplane for Wilbur and Orville Wright, it was less than 50 years before they dropped a nuclear bomb out of war.
01:38:32.000 Wow.
01:38:33.000 We like war.
01:38:34.000 That's fast.
01:38:35.000 How wild is that?
01:38:36.000 I'm not surprised.
01:38:38.000 That's wild.
01:38:39.000 I mean, that's wild.
01:38:40.000 That's insane.
01:38:41.000 Imagine flying it off of an aircraft carrier. 1.00
01:38:43.000 That stupid fucking plane that they had the first time. 1.00
01:38:46.000 That thing barely works. 1.00
01:38:48.000 That thing barely works.
01:38:50.000 That's my new material trying to get off.
01:38:52.000 Eventually it'll get there.
01:38:53.000 Eventually it'll be a giant bomb. 0.74
01:38:55.000 Wow!
01:38:57.000 Oppenheimer.
01:38:58.000 They go from that to a nuclear bomb dropping on Hiroshima.
01:39:02.000 Yeah.
01:39:02.000 Woo!
01:39:03.000 And the playing part was like the also rant of the story.
01:39:06.000 Yeah.
01:39:07.000 Good times.
01:39:09.000 You ever seen the movie Flight?
01:39:11.000 He does a lot of blow to stay straight.
01:39:14.000 Well, the kamikazes were all doing some form of eventually. 1.00
01:39:17.000 Oh, yeah. 0.99
01:39:18.000 It is pretty crazy when you see a fucked up guy at a bar, they go to the bathroom, come out fine. 0.99
01:39:24.000 That's true. 0.99
01:39:24.000 It's effective. 0.99
01:39:25.000 It does do its job.
01:39:26.000 It works.
01:39:29.000 Yeah, Ari's not recommending it, ladies and gentlemen. 0.90
01:39:31.000 He's just saying my observations.
01:39:33.000 It's effective.
01:39:34.000 Yeah.
01:39:35.000 Look at these guys.
01:39:36.000 I mean, this is pretty wild. 0.99
01:39:37.000 This is 50 years after the invention of the fucking airplane. 1.00
01:39:41.000 God, these guys are nuts! 1.00
01:39:42.000 It's in the cockpit from Star Wars. 1.00
01:39:44.000 It's so nuts!
01:39:45.000 Look at that thing! 0.99
01:39:46.000 That's beautiful. 1.00
01:39:47.000 I mean, now go back to the stupid Kitty Hawk one. 0.99
01:39:50.000 I love these. 1.00
01:39:51.000 Let's look at that one.
01:39:52.000 Yeah.
01:39:52.000 Let's see the original.
01:39:54.000 Open up a new tab so we can go back and forth.
01:39:56.000 So now it's like, can you believe I sat in the runway for 30 minutes? 0.75
01:40:02.000 It's called a runway because we literally had to fucking Fred Flintstone run and start this place. 0.95
01:40:07.000 Bro, look at this. 0.98
01:40:08.000 Wow.
01:40:09.000 Carolina.
01:40:10.000 Look at that thing. 0.92
01:40:12.000 That's not bad.
01:40:13.000 That counts. 0.98
01:40:14.000 If it breaks apart, it kills everyone instantly. 1.00
01:40:16.000 Right, but they go from that, what you're seeing right there, to a fucking giant plane that can carry a nuclear bomb. 1.00
01:40:25.000 America! 1.00
01:40:26.000 Or an atomic bomb.
01:40:27.000 We got the car, the plane, the phone, the radio.
01:40:31.000 It's so beautiful, that nuclear cloud.
01:40:33.000 It's so wild.
01:40:35.000 What a crazy invention.
01:40:36.000 And then that's when the aliens start showing up.
01:40:39.000 It's like a squid.
01:40:40.000 It's almost like we were sent a beak in them. 0.99
01:40:41.000 The aliens just immediately start fucking hovering over big cities and military bases. 1.00
01:40:45.000 What the fuck? 1.00
01:40:46.000 Have you ever heard squids or aliens? 1.00
01:40:47.000 What are you people doing? 1.00
01:40:48.000 Fucking Mexicans. 1.00
01:40:49.000 You ever heard squids or aliens? 1.00
01:40:52.000 Squids, have you ever heard that?
01:40:53.000 Yeah.
01:40:54.000 I think from him.
01:40:55.000 Yeah.
01:40:56.000 That thing looked like a squid. 1.00
01:40:57.000 It's a beacon to the fucking call the rest of them. 1.00
01:41:00.000 They never die. 1.00
01:41:00.000 Those octopus are like immortal. 1.00
01:41:02.000 That's Hiroshima.
01:41:03.000 This thing turns into a balloon.
01:41:05.000 Oh, that's a great one.
01:41:06.000 Scientists are so horny about it. 1.00
01:41:10.000 Yeah, they are! 0.97
01:41:11.000 I've watched this one, the scientists are boners watching this. 0.99
01:41:15.000 Damn, that's cool! 0.99
01:41:19.000 That's so cool! 0.99
01:41:21.000 And it shrinks too, because it's really small.
01:41:24.000 The ocean is just space the other way.
01:41:27.000 It is.
01:41:28.000 You're right.
01:41:29.000 That's a high thought, for sure.
01:41:32.000 Tell me that doesn't look like an alien.
01:41:34.000 There's big bushes.
01:41:36.000 Wow. 0.97
01:41:37.000 It's like a labia. 0.98
01:41:38.000 It's like a coxswain. 0.96
01:41:41.000 That's a circumcision. 0.86
01:41:42.000 Look at him stand.
01:41:43.000 The moil's stepping in right now.
01:41:45.000 I can definitely do it with my bald skin.
01:41:47.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00
01:41:52.000 Shoot that fucking thing. 1.00
01:41:53.000 Yeah, what's it doing? 1.00
01:41:54.000 That's wild, but that to me is not as wild as octopus.
01:41:58.000 Yes.
01:41:58.000 When octopus can change their texture to look exactly like a coral reef.
01:42:03.000 Instantly.
01:42:03.000 When you're down there, they're like, oh, there's one.
01:42:04.000 They go, back to me, go on.
01:42:05.000 I want that explained to me. 0.99
01:42:08.000 Like, how the fuck are they doing this? 0.93
01:42:10.000 They change texture. 0.99
01:42:11.000 Go to octopus camouflage.
01:42:16.000 And they shoot ink, I believe.
01:42:18.000 What are Jerome Bettis highlights?
01:42:20.000 Jerome Bettis, Notre Dame highlights.
01:42:24.000 What they can do is...
01:42:25.000 Ew, there's volume.
01:42:26.000 What they can do, what's so wild, is they look like the floor.
01:42:30.000 They change texture as well as color.
01:42:32.000 They take texture?
01:42:34.000 They don't just look like the texture?
01:42:35.000 No, they can make their skin look different. 0.88
01:42:38.000 They can make it look like rocks.
01:42:40.000 Look at that.
01:42:41.000 Look at that. 1.00
01:42:41.000 Holy shit. 1.00
01:42:42.000 That's an octopus? 1.00
01:42:43.000 Yes, man.
01:42:44.000 No way.
01:42:44.000 Yes.
01:42:45.000 Oh, there it is.
01:42:46.000 I see it now.
01:42:47.000 Dude.
01:42:49.000 Oh, wait.
01:42:49.000 No, he had the stones on top of him.
01:42:52.000 This one did.
01:42:53.000 No, but some of...
01:42:54.000 Go to the ones where they change colors.
01:42:56.000 That one's blended in. 1.00
01:42:58.000 If Octopi are aliens, they're doing a shit job. 1.00
01:43:01.000 Watch this. 1.00
01:43:02.000 Here we go.
01:43:02.000 Watch this.
01:43:03.000 Whoa! 0.71
01:43:04.000 That's a perfect example.
01:43:05.000 Go back to that again.
01:43:06.000 Go back to that again.
01:43:07.000 Look at the tentacles on it.
01:43:09.000 It changes texture.
01:43:10.000 So it changes texture to look exactly like what it's on top of.
01:43:13.000 It's like Dolezal.
01:43:14.000 It's so fast!
01:43:16.000 It's within a sec.
01:43:19.000 How does it know?
01:43:22.000 I mean, bro, how smart are those things?
01:43:24.000 What's going on?
01:43:25.000 That's a mass evolution.
01:43:26.000 Look at that.
01:43:29.000 Come on, adapt.
01:43:31.000 Here we go.
01:43:31.000 Look at it.
01:43:32.000 It's figuring out what the color of the ground is. 1.00
01:43:35.000 Holy shit. 0.99
01:43:36.000 And then once it figures it out, it changes to look like the ground. 0.99
01:43:39.000 It's got trinstacles.
01:43:41.000 And they're gangsters.
01:43:43.000 They grab things and eat them. 0.65
01:43:45.000 Look like a lion for us. 1.00
01:43:47.000 I mean, what a fucked up way to exist. 0.99
01:43:49.000 All they do is- Yeah, it's crab. 0.99
01:43:49.000 I'm a crab guy. 0.99
01:43:50.000 Fuck off, you crab. 1.00
01:43:52.000 That crab's gonna get it. 1.00
01:43:53.000 That crab's gonna get it. 0.97
01:43:54.000 No, that crab's gonna get it.
01:43:54.000 No, that crab's gonna get it.
01:43:54.000 No, that crab's gonna get it.
01:43:55.000 He's in for a fight. 0.99
01:43:56.000 What are you gonna fucking do? 0.99
01:44:00.000 Those things are delicious. 1.00
01:44:02.000 I do love a crab.
01:44:04.000 Oh, look at him go down this hole!
01:44:05.000 Look at him go down a hole.
01:44:08.000 Come on, that's an alien. 0.87
01:44:10.000 That thing was an alien. 0.98
01:44:11.000 That's an alien and a gator is a dinosaur.
01:44:13.000 Oh, for sure.
01:44:14.000 Looking like snakes.
01:44:16.000 Oh, he's eating the fish.
01:44:17.000 Well, gators existed when dinosaurs existed.
01:44:19.000 You hear me call that, Jamie?
01:44:20.000 That was a good call.
01:44:21.000 What is that?
01:44:21.000 I said he's trying to be a lionfish.
01:44:23.000 Hey! 0.99
01:44:24.000 You're a lionfish. 0.99
01:44:28.000 Are you going to pee again? 0.99
01:44:29.000 No, I was getting some ice.
01:44:30.000 Why are you chastising him for peeing?
01:44:32.000 I thought he was going to pee, the old man. 0.99
01:44:34.000 You're being so nasty. 0.99
01:44:34.000 I've got to pee soon. 0.99
01:44:34.000 When I pee, the bong's coming back, dude. 0.99
01:44:37.000 I saw it out there.
01:44:39.000 We're going to turn the jets up a little bit. 0.99
01:44:40.000 Then what is octopus bullshit? 0.98
01:44:42.000 It's time for Mike Allstad highlights. 0.99
01:44:44.000 Mike Allstad?
01:44:45.000 Who's that?
01:44:46.000 I'm a stud.
01:44:47.000 Football player who didn't die in battle.
01:44:50.000 What?
01:44:50.000 Football player who didn't die in battle.
01:44:52.000 All right.
01:44:53.000 What did you just say about Michael Satt?
01:44:54.000 It's a football player.
01:44:56.000 Yes.
01:44:56.000 He didn't die in battles, should they?
01:44:58.000 No, I don't know.
01:44:59.000 How about that Bo Jackson?
01:45:00.000 He was strong.
01:45:01.000 He was.
01:45:02.000 He could break a bat over his knee.
01:45:04.000 Yes, All-Star, let's go.
01:45:05.000 Who's this guy? 1.00
01:45:06.000 Fucking white hunk. 1.00
01:45:07.000 One of the last great whites. 1.00
01:45:09.000 The last of the great whites until McCaffrey. 0.96
01:45:12.000 Well, you see Johnny Manziel?
01:45:13.000 Look at this, dude. 1.00
01:45:14.000 Get off me, you fucking idiot. 1.00
01:45:15.000 That was a great little documentary. 1.00
01:45:17.000 He's a white guy breaking out of a target.
01:45:24.000 We're back. 1.00
01:45:27.000 That is a crazy-ass sport. 1.00
01:45:30.000 Come here, motherfucker. 1.00
01:45:31.000 Where are you going? 1.00
01:45:32.000 I can't believe you're actually playing Mike Allstott Highlights.
01:45:35.000 How old is he?
01:45:36.000 Isn't it wild that America's number one sport is without a doubt the most violent?
01:45:42.000 Oh, 100%.
01:45:43.000 In terms of collisions, it's war.
01:45:46.000 Well, UFC, it's like neck and neck.
01:45:48.000 Who's number one now?
01:45:49.000 Yeah, but UFC has some regulations.
01:45:51.000 Concussions?
01:45:51.000 No, no.
01:45:52.000 Sport.
01:45:53.000 What is the number one sport in terms of watch?
01:45:55.000 Did UFC take over NFL? No.
01:45:57.000 UFC hasn't passed NBA. I think it's cornhole.
01:46:00.000 Top 100 most broadcast events of last year.
01:46:03.000 It's mostly football.
01:46:03.000 They're almost all football games.
01:46:04.000 What's the flag?
01:46:05.000 Look at that.
01:46:05.000 There's one soccer game at 38. Oh, Trump debates.
01:46:09.000 What is the lighter football?
01:46:10.000 A college football game.
01:46:13.000 These are all NFL games specifically.
01:46:15.000 All pro.
01:46:15.000 It's all football except for a couple soccer and one horse race.
01:46:18.000 One Olympic event made it in there.
01:46:20.000 The Oscars made it in there.
01:46:22.000 The Turkey's on 40. Two or three soccer games, which are probably World Cup games.
01:46:25.000 The Academy Awards was 77. Gays don't support their own. 1.00
01:46:29.000 So that's the number one, without a doubt, most viewed thing in America. 0.94
01:46:34.000 82 of the 100 events were NFL games.
01:46:37.000 It was a slap in the World Cup.
01:46:39.000 Those were the soccer games.
01:46:40.000 It was World Cup.
01:46:41.000 If that was a different year.
01:46:42.000 Oh, yeah.
01:46:43.000 Good point.
01:46:43.000 All messy.
01:46:45.000 Amazing.
01:46:46.000 That's America's sport.
01:46:47.000 Baseball's out.
01:46:48.000 It is, and it's so violent.
01:46:49.000 No, not a single baseball game.
01:46:50.000 Baseball rules, though.
01:46:51.000 I like baseball.
01:46:52.000 Baseball does rule.
01:46:52.000 It's a great way to get drunk.
01:46:53.000 But you have to have free time for baseball.
01:46:55.000 Yeah, yeah.
01:46:56.000 Same with football.
01:46:59.000 Yeah.
01:46:59.000 Yeah.
01:47:00.000 Dude, they had a couple...
01:47:01.000 Part of the thing.
01:47:01.000 The pastime.
01:47:02.000 Yeah.
01:47:02.000 They had a few $4 Yankee tickets in the outfit this year.
01:47:05.000 You could just go there and chill, right?
01:47:07.000 Would you?
01:47:07.000 Yeah, I would.
01:47:08.000 So when you guys go to see baseball games, since there is a lot of downtime, do you just mostly talk shit? 0.99
01:47:15.000 We go with all the comics sometimes. 0.99
01:47:18.000 Me and Mark had nipple tassels one of the year. 0.99
01:47:20.000 Just sitting up in the fucking bleachers having a good time. 0.99
01:47:23.000 We got hammered on that day. 1.00
01:47:27.000 That's about as drunk as you get as a baseball game.
01:47:29.000 Oh yeah, a lot of beers. 0.99
01:47:30.000 So long and fucking boring. 0.99
01:47:31.000 Big beers! 0.98
01:47:33.000 They're gonna close in the 7th.
01:47:34.000 We gotta get as many beers as we can right now.
01:47:37.000 And you pre-game.
01:47:38.000 Yeah.
01:47:39.000 And then you post-game. 0.99
01:47:41.000 It's a fucking good sport, dude. 0.98
01:47:43.000 Remember Jose Canseco? 0.99
01:47:44.000 He was fun.
01:47:47.000 Yeah, he did steroids.
01:47:48.000 That was sick.
01:47:50.000 He told on everybody.
01:47:51.000 Daryl Strawberry.
01:47:52.000 Have we talked about John Rocker on here?
01:47:55.000 John Rocker ruled.
01:47:56.000 Who's that?
01:47:56.000 Jay, please find John Rocker's...
01:47:58.000 Interviews?
01:48:00.000 Dude, he was the guy...
01:48:01.000 He was like the...
01:48:02.000 Radio?
01:48:03.000 Impetus for Kenny Powers.
01:48:06.000 Oh, really?
01:48:07.000 He was the muse for Kenny Powers.
01:48:10.000 You gotta love that McBride.
01:48:11.000 If I wasn't a baseball player, I'd be a serial killer.
01:48:14.000 There's one quote where he has, he's like, I would never play in Newark. 0.99
01:48:17.000 You gotta sit next to some queer with AIDS. Jesus Christ! 1.00
01:48:22.000 The one thing I hate about New York is the foreigners. 1.00
01:48:25.000 How the fuck did they get into this country? 1.00
01:48:27.000 You can walk an entire block of time screwing out and hear anybody speaking English. 0.99
01:48:31.000 Asians and Koreans and Vietnamese and Indians and Russians and Spanish people and everything up there. 0.95
01:48:37.000 How the hell did they get into this country? 0.94
01:48:39.000 Jesus Christ. 0.92
01:48:40.000 He threw Russian in there. 0.97
01:48:41.000 That's a way.
01:48:42.000 Jesus Christ.
01:48:43.000 Look at that.
01:48:44.000 Yeah, it wasn't race.
01:48:44.000 It was just like really America.
01:48:46.000 He would sprint out of the bullpen, dude.
01:48:47.000 Obviously on steroids.
01:48:48.000 His neck was his baby.
01:48:49.000 He was just We gotta get Rocker on here.
01:48:53.000 Before the quote, I remember my dad being like, son, sit down.
01:48:57.000 You gotta watch this guy.
01:48:59.000 Really?
01:49:00.000 Yeah, just him.
01:49:01.000 He was lights out, too.
01:49:02.000 They're in the same division as the Phillies, so I would watch him all the time.
01:49:05.000 He was lights out.
01:49:06.000 He was a great closer.
01:49:07.000 Yeah, he was a beast.
01:49:08.000 Yeah. 0.67
01:49:09.000 Until he said that thing about New York.
01:49:11.000 Until he said that one thing.
01:49:12.000 He was easily the first guy to get canceled.
01:49:14.000 There he comes.
01:49:14.000 Yeah, big dog.
01:49:15.000 What year was this?
01:49:16.000 That's a different guy doing it.
01:49:18.000 Late 80s?
01:49:19.000 90s?
01:49:19.000 When was Rocker?
01:49:20.000 Early 90s?
01:49:22.000 Remember Imus?
01:49:23.000 No.
01:49:23.000 Rocker was like mid-90s.
01:49:26.000 I was watching it. 1.00
01:49:27.000 People used to say crazy shit all the time. 1.00
01:49:30.000 All the time. 1.00
01:49:30.000 Jimmy the Greek was the best. 1.00
01:49:32.000 Jimmy the Greek. 0.99
01:49:35.000 And the guy from golf who was like, well, women can't be as good because they've got these big tits down to hold around. 1.00
01:49:40.000 Well, that's true. 0.99
01:49:42.000 Both of them were right.
01:49:44.000 I was like, what do you mean?
01:49:45.000 I think they just, did some chess organization just ban transgender men or transgender women from competing against women?
01:49:53.000 Which is weird, because it's not physical.
01:49:56.000 I don't know.
01:49:56.000 Wait, there are separate divisions for men?
01:49:58.000 Men are smarter than women. 1.00
01:49:59.000 Wait, chess is not just one sport for men and women?
01:50:03.000 The Queen's Gambit is not real. 0.81
01:50:05.000 World chess body burns transgender women from women's tournaments. 1.00
01:50:09.000 Is there a fucking strength component to chess? 0.99
01:50:12.000 I don't understand why there's separate... 0.99
01:50:13.000 No, it's mental.
01:50:14.000 Brain!
01:50:15.000 Well, poker, they just got one.
01:50:17.000 Yeah, but it's even more of an advantage to be a man mentally.
01:50:22.000 That's the only way to say there's two divisions.
01:50:25.000 I bet the Federation's based in, like, Russia. 0.72
01:50:28.000 Oh, yeah.
01:50:28.000 I bet it is.
01:50:29.000 Oh, but hold on a second.
01:50:30.000 No, no, no.
01:50:30.000 This makes sense.
01:50:31.000 Right here.
01:50:31.000 Change of gender is a change that has a significant impact on a player's status and future eligibility to tournaments.
01:50:38.000 Therefore, it can only be made if there is a relevant proof of the change provided.
01:50:43.000 You can't just say you're trans.
01:50:44.000 You've got to have this surgery. 0.83
01:50:45.000 Whoa.
01:50:46.000 Players will have to provide documentation that the gender change complies with the national laws and regulations through their own federation.
01:50:55.000 It then has to be confirmed in writing that the player is familiar with the restrictions established by these regulations and undertakes to comply with them.
01:51:02.000 Yeah, they're just saying, don't cheat the system.
01:51:04.000 This is like when Jews apply for African American grants because they say I'm Moroccan Jewish. 0.83
01:51:09.000 Right.
01:51:10.000 And everyone's like, that's not what we're talking about.
01:51:12.000 Yeah.
01:51:12.000 Right.
01:51:13.000 Well, the Asians are getting fucked with the colleges. 1.00
01:51:15.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:51:16.000 Although they took that law away, I think.
01:51:17.000 Confirmative action.
01:51:19.000 Yeah, so now it means Asians are just going to fill up all colleges. 1.00
01:51:21.000 Yeah, they're the best.
01:51:23.000 They're the best.
01:51:23.000 Look at the NBA. Who gives a fuck?
01:51:25.000 If they're the best, they're the best. 0.99
01:51:26.000 Yeah.
01:51:27.000 Let's have them.
01:51:27.000 They're our country.
01:51:28.000 They're number one.
01:51:29.000 Let's have them.
01:51:29.000 Without a doubt.
01:51:30.000 And they keep quiet about it.
01:51:32.000 Yeah.
01:51:32.000 They're very smart people.
01:51:33.000 Well, if there is a group of people that's dominating any one particular field and someone is competing with them, I guess you're going to have to do better.
01:51:42.000 Yeah, exactly.
01:51:43.000 I guess you're going to have to do better.
01:51:45.000 And clearly, if you're intellectually competing with people that are working way harder than you, and it means more to them, and they're way more serious about it than you, they're probably going to get ahead of you.
01:51:55.000 That first week of college when you see all the Asian kids, like, we've been studying.
01:51:58.000 Oh, yeah.
01:51:59.000 This is not weird for us.
01:52:00.000 Right. 0.99
01:52:01.000 You're like, damn, you're getting ahead. 0.99
01:52:02.000 Well, look at the Indians with the spelling bee. 1.00
01:52:03.000 They kill it. 0.99
01:52:04.000 They crush it.
01:52:06.000 Because their names are Rashmaharararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararar It was that one.
01:52:23.000 It's so funny hearing these names and not knowing anything about it.
01:52:25.000 Just hearing a name of a political guy.
01:52:28.000 Well, it's fascinating for me to know you, too, because you don't pay attention to anything.
01:52:33.000 So it's interesting, what gets to Ari? 0.99
01:52:36.000 What does something have to be so interesting or kooky in the world that it actually gets to Ari?
01:52:41.000 The submarine got to me?
01:52:43.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:52:46.000 What gets to me?
01:52:48.000 What else?
01:52:48.000 Lizzo?
01:52:50.000 You hear rumors of things.
01:52:52.000 That's how it used to be.
01:52:54.000 That's probably a good way to approach life, because only the really serious stuff gets in there.
01:53:00.000 The only news I need is a weather report, right?
01:53:02.000 You don't want to be sitting around wondering what the World Economic Forum is plotting. 1.00
01:53:06.000 Who gives a fuck to you? 1.00
01:53:07.000 None of this matters to you. 1.00
01:53:08.000 You heard about Hunter Biden and all that.
01:53:10.000 Heard about it a little bit.
01:53:11.000 Yeah, big things you hear about.
01:53:12.000 Okay, what about the...
01:53:13.000 Queen is dead.
01:53:14.000 You hear about the Queen is dead.
01:53:15.000 Capital riot.
01:53:17.000 January 6th.
01:53:18.000 Yeah.
01:53:18.000 I was in Ecuador on that.
01:53:19.000 I sent a text.
01:53:20.000 Everyone was talking about it.
01:53:21.000 I sent a text to Oregon on my view.
01:53:22.000 It was a meteor on a hammock looking out at beautiful woods.
01:53:25.000 And Joe goes, oh yeah, you're winning this.
01:53:27.000 Nice. 1.00
01:53:29.000 You want to be here for this shit show. 1.00
01:53:30.000 Did you hear about Burisma? 1.00
01:53:33.000 What's Burisma?
01:53:34.000 Don't worry about it.
01:53:34.000 The place Hunter Biden worked.
01:53:36.000 What is Will Ferrell going to play him in a movie?
01:53:38.000 That would be amazing.
01:53:39.000 Ooh, Cocaine Bear 2. Yeah.
01:53:43.000 Or Jim McBride.
01:53:44.000 Either of those guys. 0.99
01:53:45.000 Will Ferrell could kill it. 1.00
01:53:48.000 Could kill it. 1.00
01:53:49.000 He's a little too old, though. 1.00
01:53:50.000 I bet they're close.
01:53:53.000 Although back when Hunter was really killing it.
01:53:55.000 Back when Hunter was really killing it.
01:53:57.000 He's aged.
01:53:57.000 You've got to get a younger guy.
01:53:59.000 James Franco.
01:54:00.000 There you go.
01:54:01.000 True.
01:54:01.000 The return of the king.
01:54:02.000 He's got a little stank on him. 0.94
01:54:04.000 Yeah. 0.92
01:54:05.000 That might work. 1.00
01:54:06.000 That dude leaving baggies at the fucking White House. 1.00
01:54:10.000 Allegedly. 1.00
01:54:11.000 Allegedly.
01:54:11.000 It might not be him.
01:54:12.000 There are no repercussions.
01:54:13.000 How do we know?
01:54:13.000 It is the White House.
01:54:15.000 How do we know?
01:54:15.000 We don't know.
01:54:16.000 Honestly, I bet a lot of people are doing cocaine there.
01:54:18.000 I would hope so.
01:54:19.000 It's such a sweet place to do cocaine.
01:54:21.000 Obviously.
01:54:22.000 If you don't do coke and then Obama or Trump or Biden is like, line it up, you'd be like, I'm doing coke.
01:54:29.000 You think Obama did coke with people?
01:54:31.000 Is that what you're saying? 1.00
01:54:32.000 I think he did crack and had gay sex with his chef. 1.00
01:54:35.000 Jesus Christ! 1.00
01:54:37.000 Shut it down! 1.00
01:54:38.000 Shut it down! 1.00
01:54:40.000 Jesus Christ!
01:54:44.000 I don't think that's real.
01:54:45.000 Whatever happened to that chef, by the way?
01:54:47.000 He ended up, he drowned in a pond.
01:54:49.000 Oh! 0.60
01:54:50.000 Two feet of water.
01:54:52.000 Yeah, that's a weird one.
01:54:54.000 You know.
01:54:56.000 I get you. 1.00
01:54:57.000 Boy, imagine though if the chef really did drown, Obama would be like, FUCK! No one's gonna beat this guy. 1.00
01:55:03.000 No, no chance. 0.99
01:55:05.000 Everyone's gonna think I fucked this guy. 1.00
01:55:07.000 Yeah, 100%. 1.00
01:55:08.000 And then you got Tucker Carlson saying he has gay sex. 1.00
01:55:11.000 Oh yeah, he keeps saying it over and over. 1.00
01:55:13.000 Tucker's getting fired up.
01:55:13.000 Tucker is wild now that he's on Twitter.
01:55:15.000 You can say whatever the fuck you want. 0.99
01:55:17.000 It's so funny, he's not right or left. 0.99
01:55:19.000 Oh, really?
01:55:20.000 He's not right or left.
01:55:20.000 You see that?
01:55:21.000 The worst thing he does, though, is he does this thing...
01:55:24.000 So I was watching the interview he did with the Hungarian Prime Minister.
01:55:27.000 You guys see that one?
01:55:28.000 Uh-uh. 1.00
01:55:28.000 I'm telling you, I'm watching all these fucking things. 1.00
01:55:31.000 It's very good. 1.00
01:55:33.000 I mean, maybe, unless the Hungarian Prime Minister is a fucking nutjob, which, you know... 1.00
01:55:37.000 Could be. 1.00
01:55:37.000 He's a fucking Hungarian Prime Minister. 1.00
01:55:39.000 Yeah, HPM. But the whole time, they're talking about the war in Russia and all this very serious stuff, but occasionally... 0.99
01:55:46.000 Fucking Tucker will just be like... 0.99
01:55:47.000 The laugh is bad. 1.00
01:55:49.000 He does this fucking... 1.00
01:55:50.000 When I realized who he was, it was Gomez. 0.99
01:55:53.000 When Gomez was on there, and he goes, how do you feel about politics? 0.96
01:55:58.000 And Gomez just goes, Lewis just goes, politics is gay. 0.82
01:56:01.000 You hear who Tucker really is? 0.98
01:56:03.000 He just goes...
01:56:04.000 Like, he hasn't had someone speak honestly for a while.
01:56:07.000 He literally laughs like he's like, yeah, he's like, royal.
01:56:09.000 Yeah, he's like, what? 1.00
01:56:13.000 Who the fuck laughs like that? 0.99
01:56:15.000 There's an old video. 1.00
01:56:16.000 Also, I saw him pack his in, and I was like, this guy's a fool. 0.99
01:56:19.000 Oh, he's in? 0.99
01:56:19.000 He was trying to be cool. 0.99
01:56:21.000 No, you don't need to pack these.
01:56:22.000 He literally was like, Shane hates people for frat reasons.
01:56:32.000 He plays beer prong and lets it bounce.
01:56:35.000 You could go that way.
01:56:38.000 Oh, you look like a Downsy. 1.00
01:56:40.000 You're just shaking that like a monkey with a stick. 0.89
01:56:42.000 It has nothing to do with the candy.
01:56:43.000 Oh, this is me.
01:56:45.000 I took shrooms the other day. 0.99
01:56:46.000 Penis Envy, the strongest shrooms on the planet. 1.00
01:56:49.000 That's the worst one, dude. 0.99
01:56:49.000 The worst. 0.99
01:56:50.000 But I went and saw a concert, and they weren't kicking in, so I kept eating them, and my buddy was doing a zin. 0.96
01:56:54.000 I go, let me try one of these.
01:56:56.000 Put it in.
01:56:58.000 Shroomed my face off.
01:56:59.000 It like kicked it up.
01:57:01.000 It was not good.
01:57:02.000 That's pretty neat there.
01:57:03.000 I missed the whole concert.
01:57:04.000 They do that in certain ceremonies.
01:57:06.000 They blow tobacco smoke on people.
01:57:08.000 No, you snort tobacco.
01:57:10.000 Yeah, that too.
01:57:11.000 It kicks it way up.
01:57:12.000 It was a huge mistake.
01:57:13.000 Yeah, both. 0.99
01:57:14.000 Yeah, there's people snort tobacco that's like mixed with a bunch of other shit too. 0.95
01:57:18.000 Oh, yeah. 0.99
01:57:19.000 Yeah, there's stuff called, I think it's called Akuhei, and they fucking blow it up each other's nostrils. 0.95
01:57:25.000 Snuff, like... 0.91
01:57:25.000 Yeah, like, you stand over there, and I have, like, a bamboo shoot. 0.91
01:57:30.000 Wait, wait, wait!
01:57:30.000 No, wait!
01:57:33.000 And apparently it's nasty, and your fucking nose beats butt. 1.00
01:57:37.000 Yeah, let's do that. 1.00
01:57:38.000 You and your boys shooting shit up each other's fucking butts. 1.00
01:57:41.000 See if you can find whatever that shit is. 1.00
01:57:43.000 You're gonna go nose. 1.00
01:57:44.000 Go Ari. 1.00
01:57:45.000 See if you can find that stuff they shoot up each other's noses.
01:57:47.000 It's like a blowgun filled with a drug.
01:57:51.000 I think it's called Akuhei, but I don't know how to spell that.
01:57:53.000 Akuhei.
01:57:54.000 Those guys were having a good time.
01:57:56.000 Having a good time.
01:57:56.000 They figured some stuff out.
01:57:58.000 Take it down.
01:57:59.000 Stuck in the jungle? 1.00
01:58:00.000 You got a leaf over your dick, but I know how to get high as fuck, bro. 1.00
01:58:03.000 And this river is filled with fish. 1.00
01:58:05.000 Let's go.
01:58:06.000 Think of figuring out how to get high back then. 1.00
01:58:08.000 Get some fucking hut in the jungle. 1.00
01:58:10.000 You're like, yo, we're getting ripped, dude. 1.00
01:58:12.000 Rape. 0.98
01:58:13.000 Rape? 0.99
01:58:14.000 Rape. 0.99
01:58:14.000 It's more rape. 0.99
01:58:15.000 What the fuck? 1.00
01:58:16.000 It's a shamanic snuff. 1.00
01:58:18.000 It contains nicotinia rustica type of tobacco, also known as Mapacho.
01:58:24.000 It's different from the tobacco used in cigarettes, which is nicotinia tobacco, although it contains tobacco.
01:58:32.000 You don't want to smoke. 0.95
01:58:33.000 Rape. 0.99
01:58:33.000 Jesus Christ. 0.99
01:58:34.000 Jesus, yikes.
01:58:35.000 Instead, it's administered into your nose.
01:58:38.000 Look at that Cat Williams joke. 1.00
01:58:39.000 He's like, this shit's called rape. 0.99
01:58:40.000 It also contains other medicinal and sacred plants, including parts from tree bark, leaves, seeds, and various plants. 0.99
01:58:47.000 Once collected, the components become pulverized with a pestle and strained through a mesh.
01:58:52.000 The result is a fine, light-colored powder.
01:58:55.000 Different combinations of plants provide different uses and effects, and the exact recipe is often kept secret by the shaman.
01:59:01.000 That's how bad people want to get high.
01:59:03.000 Yeah.
01:59:03.000 They'll try anything.
01:59:04.000 Remember when they were licking frogs' backs?
01:59:07.000 Yeah.
01:59:07.000 I think they probably still are.
01:59:08.000 Really?
01:59:09.000 Yeah, they still are. 1.00
01:59:10.000 Damn. 1.00
01:59:10.000 They get their secretion and they smoke it. 1.00
01:59:13.000 Whoa. 0.97
01:59:13.000 The secretion off of the frog, they'll put it on a glass window pane and they rub it all over and the frog freaks out and creates this juicy shit to keep people from eating it. 0.97
01:59:24.000 And then you put the frog back in his little frog box and then you let the shit dry in the sun and you scrape it off and smoke it. 0.97
01:59:30.000 How do you figure that out? 0.98
01:59:31.000 How many other things did you try? 1.00
01:59:33.000 You're stuck in the fucking jungle. 1.00
01:59:34.000 I guess so. 1.00
01:59:35.000 Crazy people. 0.98
01:59:35.000 You got nothing going on. 0.98
01:59:37.000 Or you do mushrooms and the trees talk to you.
01:59:40.000 Now we're talking.
01:59:41.000 Because that's the simplest one.
01:59:43.000 Imagine the first guy's like, can I eat that?
01:59:45.000 Yeah, you can.
01:59:46.000 You can eat it.
01:59:48.000 People try it.
01:59:48.000 They don't die.
01:59:49.000 So they know which ones they can eat.
01:59:50.000 But imagine some of them. 0.99
01:59:53.000 You're fucking starving? 0.99
01:59:54.000 The trees will speak to you? 1.00
01:59:55.000 Bro, you're starving.
01:59:57.000 You're starving. 0.99
01:59:58.000 You literally, your family might die, and you stumble upon a pound of mushrooms, and you scoop them up, and you bring them back to your family, and you're all eating these mushrooms just blown out of your fucking mind. 0.99
02:00:12.000 Just blown out of your mind. 0.99
02:00:15.000 Empty stomach pounds of mushrooms.
02:00:17.000 So say there's like an open field and it just rained.
02:00:21.000 You get up in the morning.
02:00:22.000 Dude, everybody's doing toad now.
02:00:23.000 I keep hearing about it.
02:00:26.000 Mike Tyson calls it the toad.
02:00:29.000 That dude looks like the kind of guy that would get you DMT. He totally does.
02:00:34.000 Look at that guy's unnecessarily necklace.
02:00:38.000 But waking up, I mean, that would have been like a religious experience.
02:00:42.000 If you took mushrooms, no one ever took mushrooms before that you talked to.
02:00:46.000 I saw God.
02:00:47.000 You'd be like, yo. 0.61
02:00:48.000 No explanation of it.
02:00:49.000 Well, that's what Terence McKenna thinks created people.
02:00:52.000 He thinks it's called the stoned ape theory.
02:00:54.000 He thinks that people started experimenting with mushrooms, and that was responsible for the doubling of the human brain size over a period of two million years.
02:01:02.000 Yikes.
02:01:03.000 It's a fascinating theory that his brother, who's like a legitimate scientist, is...
02:01:08.000 What does this guy do? 0.99
02:01:10.000 He's tripping balls. 0.99
02:01:11.000 With a toad, son. 0.99
02:01:14.000 Whoa, he's out!
02:01:16.000 That's like a fentanyl trip.
02:01:18.000 That dude's in the center of the universe right now.
02:01:21.000 Trash all over the beach.
02:01:22.000 It's not a beautiful beach at all. 1.00
02:01:24.000 Holy shit. 1.00
02:01:25.000 Look at this dude fucking with his trip. 1.00
02:01:27.000 Banging gongs and shit. 1.00
02:01:29.000 Wow. 1.00
02:01:30.000 Oh, that's magical. 0.99
02:01:32.000 Oh, imagine these dudes standing over you while you're tripping balls. 0.97
02:01:34.000 This guy is having a blast. 0.95
02:01:37.000 He's in heaven.
02:01:38.000 Yeah.
02:01:39.000 Probably literally.
02:01:41.000 Yeah.
02:01:41.000 That's probably what it is.
02:01:43.000 Whoa.
02:01:44.000 They're having a good time.
02:01:46.000 It's Margaritaville.
02:01:49.000 RIP. Yep.
02:01:51.000 The buff.
02:01:52.000 And Smash Mouth. 1.00
02:01:54.000 That guy's on the way out, right?
02:01:55.000 I think he died.
02:01:57.000 He did die?
02:01:58.000 Yeah.
02:01:58.000 Thank you for admitting it.
02:01:58.000 Smash Mouth guy died?
02:02:00.000 He's an all-star.
02:02:01.000 What's that, Jamie?
02:02:02.000 He died?
02:02:05.000 No, I didn't deserve it on that, dude.
02:02:07.000 I went to mine, I got mocked for it.
02:02:08.000 It's Jamie.
02:02:10.000 Jamie's ready.
02:02:10.000 He's eager.
02:02:11.000 He's thirsty.
02:02:12.000 Did the guy from Smash Mouth die, Jamie?
02:02:14.000 Yes, he did.
02:02:14.000 Passed away today.
02:02:15.000 Yeah, liver, kidney.
02:02:19.000 Yikes. 1.00
02:02:20.000 Fuck. 1.00
02:02:20.000 He had a good run. 1.00
02:02:21.000 He had a great run, dude.
02:02:22.000 That was a great song.
02:02:23.000 What a very tiny run.
02:02:25.000 What are you talking about?
02:02:26.000 That song's incredible.
02:02:27.000 One song.
02:02:29.000 Don't do it already.
02:02:30.000 You might as well be walking on the sun.
02:02:33.000 Wasn't that them?
02:02:33.000 That was good.
02:02:34.000 Wasn't that them?
02:02:35.000 Yeah, that was good. 1.00
02:02:35.000 They got some fucking bangers, dude. 1.00
02:02:38.000 Smash Mouth rules. 1.00
02:02:40.000 It's better than that fucking hippie bullshit you listen to. 1.00
02:02:43.000 Two songs. 1.00
02:02:44.000 You listen to fucking... 1.00
02:02:45.000 Yeah, what do you like? 1.00
02:02:48.000 Furthermore...
02:02:48.000 I just listen to Gwar.
02:02:51.000 Come on.
02:02:53.000 Smash Mouth. 0.97
02:02:55.000 Oh, he's bringing it to Jamie. 1.00
02:02:57.000 Son of a bitch. 1.00
02:02:58.000 Can you play music on here? 1.00
02:02:59.000 I can play some.
02:03:01.000 We kind of just do, and then we see what happens.
02:03:04.000 I can't get enough of you, baby. 1.00
02:03:07.000 That song sucks. 1.00
02:03:09.000 Oh, look at you. 1.00
02:03:10.000 You're defending Smash Mouth.
02:03:11.000 They were in Shrek.
02:03:12.000 They were in Also Ran. 1.00
02:03:13.000 Shut up. 0.99
02:03:14.000 And Also Ran? 1.00
02:03:15.000 Jesus Christ, Ari.
02:03:17.000 It's very cold, right?
02:03:18.000 It's so cold.
02:03:19.000 It's so cold.
02:03:20.000 Oh my god.
02:03:22.000 It's so cold, it's hard to drink.
02:03:23.000 I got a piss.
02:03:24.000 I already pissed.
02:03:26.000 I beat Rogan.
02:03:27.000 I pissed.
02:03:27.000 I snuck out.
02:03:28.000 You beat everybody.
02:03:29.000 Hell yeah. 0.97
02:03:29.000 You've been pissing out lately, dude. 0.97
02:03:31.000 I've been clocking it.
02:03:32.000 I'm worried about it.
02:03:32.000 You got soft.
02:03:33.000 I just got workout shorts on?
02:03:34.000 Ever since you challenged me, dude, your chin's been rocked.
02:03:37.000 Your chin's been rocked. 0.99
02:03:38.000 Yeah, you're weak.
02:03:40.000 Hey, we should plug dates.
02:03:42.000 It's very cold.
02:03:44.000 I'll be in Oklahoma City.
02:03:46.000 Tickets aren't moving.
02:03:47.000 Come on out.
02:03:48.000 And I'm in Europe.
02:03:49.000 MarcoAndComedy.com.
02:03:50.000 Portugal, huh?
02:03:51.000 Oh yeah, going straight from here to Portugal, which is going to be a nutty coach plane ride.
02:03:57.000 That's fine.
02:03:58.000 That's how everybody lives.
02:03:59.000 Oh yeah.
02:04:01.000 Well, what do you got?
02:04:01.000 I'm Ari Shaffir.
02:04:02.000 I'll be in Philadelphia, Minneapolis, Minnesota, Chicago, Kansas City, Iowa City, Indianapolis, Louisville, St. Louisville, Tempe, Tucson, Boston, Foxwoods, and Albany.
02:04:10.000 And watch all our specials.
02:04:12.000 ruchaffir.com.
02:04:12.000 Yeah.
02:04:13.000 Today is Shane's special.
02:04:15.000 Yeah, watch it on Netflix.
02:04:17.000 Yeah, it's a killer.
02:04:19.000 Notch on Netflix for sure.
02:04:20.000 Make it number one.
02:04:21.000 Make it the most watched special of all time.
02:04:22.000 Yeah, that'd be really cool.
02:04:24.000 Aw, look at that kid. 0.76
02:04:25.000 Beautiful Dogs.
02:04:26.000 Spoiler alert.
02:04:27.000 Beautiful Dogs references one of the bits in the special.
02:04:29.000 That was Adam Eagat.
02:04:30.000 Adam Eagat.
02:04:31.000 Really?
02:04:32.000 They said you gotta call it that. 0.99
02:04:33.000 Because naming a special is fucking lame. 0.99
02:04:35.000 It's hard. 0.99
02:04:36.000 It's tough. 1.00
02:04:37.000 I was just going to say, live in fucking Virginia. 1.00
02:04:40.000 Yeah. 1.00
02:04:40.000 That's cool. 1.00
02:04:41.000 Yeah.
02:04:42.000 Beautiful dogs.
02:04:42.000 Adam Egott.
02:04:44.000 There you go, Egott.
02:04:45.000 Egott's the best.
02:04:46.000 Good egg.
02:04:47.000 Great guy.
02:04:47.000 I love that guy.
02:04:49.000 He's trying really hard.
02:04:50.000 Nothing I love more than trying to get him to drink. 0.99
02:04:52.000 He's trying really hard not to get fucked up. 0.99
02:04:53.000 Oh, you get to him too. 0.99
02:04:54.000 Holocaust Deny, Norman McDonald said.
02:04:56.000 He does deny the Holocaust. 0.54
02:04:57.000 Yeah.
02:04:58.000 It's fun to wave coke in his face because he's like, he starts twitching.
02:05:03.000 He wants it.
02:05:04.000 He wants it.
02:05:06.000 We all did Mushrooms one time in Joshua Tree.
02:05:08.000 We just went late night from the Comedy Store, like, let's just get out there.
02:05:11.000 And Igor was wearing his manager's suit.
02:05:13.000 So we're wandering the desert. 1.00
02:05:14.000 He's wearing a fucking full suit. 0.99
02:05:16.000 I think Hitchcliffe, me, Edgar, and him. 0.99
02:05:18.000 And then it's like, he's just crossing a road and some car comes by.
02:05:21.000 He just sees a dude with a black suit with a black tie. 1.00
02:05:25.000 They're like, what the fuck at 3am? 1.00
02:05:27.000 Jehovah's Witness. 1.00
02:05:30.000 Shroom to the gills.
02:05:31.000 Shroom to the gills.
02:05:32.000 Wandering around the desert.
02:05:34.000 Shroom to the gills.
02:05:35.000 Hey, hey. 0.99
02:05:37.000 Woo, smash mouth. 1.00
02:05:39.000 Smash mouth. 0.97
02:05:40.000 Everybody's dying. 1.00
02:05:41.000 Fucking vaccine. 1.00
02:05:45.000 COVID's back and nobody cares. 1.00
02:05:46.000 I know three people who have it, and they don't really give a shit. 0.98
02:05:48.000 I think you're about to have it, for real. 0.99
02:05:50.000 Probably.
02:05:50.000 I think I might have it.
02:05:53.000 I've had a cough that won't go away for about a week. 1.00
02:05:55.000 Oh, shit. 1.00
02:05:56.000 Are you lying, fucker? 1.00
02:05:58.000 Look at that. 1.00
02:05:58.000 He didn't even tell us. 1.00
02:05:59.000 I confessed to my COVID, you know, right away.
02:06:03.000 It's going off! 1.00
02:06:04.000 Fucking stupid fucking COVID alarm. 1.00
02:06:07.000 321. What do you do when you do shows in Europe? 1.00
02:06:09.000 And that fucker just goes off. 1.00
02:06:10.000 It happens all the time. 1.00
02:06:11.000 I hear audience members going, watch, that's the They love your stupid watch. 1.00
02:06:15.000 Oh yeah, I tell you, this thing takes a licking. 1.00
02:06:17.000 Why don't you just set it to the right time?
02:06:19.000 If I knew how, I would.
02:06:21.000 Jesus Christy.
02:06:22.000 It's got four buttons on it.
02:06:22.000 It's a fun watch.
02:06:23.000 I like it.
02:06:24.000 It must be so easy to figure out.
02:06:26.000 Hey, you want a try there? 1.00
02:06:27.000 Yeah, you fucking throw in the trash. 1.00
02:06:28.000 Yeah, I could figure that out for sure. 1.00
02:06:30.000 Not if you're thinking about puns all day.
02:06:32.000 Drink this.
02:06:35.000 You gotta watch what you say.
02:06:37.000 Here we go.
02:06:38.000 It's cold. 1.00
02:06:39.000 Suck it down, homo! 1.00
02:06:41.000 It's an ice bath. 1.00
02:06:42.000 You can cough it out.
02:06:43.000 Yeah!
02:06:44.000 It's so cold.
02:06:45.000 Come on! 0.61
02:06:47.000 Yeah.
02:06:50.000 I feel like I could talk you into doing things.
02:06:54.000 I love you.
02:06:55.000 I love you.
02:06:56.000 I love you for real.
02:06:58.000 I love you for real too.
02:06:59.000 I think you're the man to bring Bud Light back.
02:07:02.000 I think you and Tim Dillon pair up. 0.96
02:07:04.000 Bud Light has some balls. 1.00
02:07:05.000 Throw some real fucking money at a campaign. 1.00
02:07:08.000 Mulvaney's got balls. 1.00
02:07:10.000 Two of the funniest guys on planet Earth, one of them is straight sober, and you're just drinking Bud Light the whole time talking shit. 1.00
02:07:16.000 I mean, that would be it. 0.99
02:07:17.000 Put Tim in a wig. 0.98
02:07:19.000 They'd fucking put out a series of really funny ads. 0.99
02:07:23.000 People would go, all right, it's been enough time. 0.99
02:07:25.000 Tim's sober, but he's like, when I'm done ripping ass all day, I like a Bud Light. 0.99
02:07:31.000 Stuffing kids' butts. 1.00
02:07:48.000 We just we were just in I was in a college town like up for a month yeah you see 21 22 year olds you're like That's a fucking kid. 1.00
02:07:58.000 That's a kid. 1.00
02:07:58.000 Crazy. 1.00
02:07:58.000 And then you see the mirror while you're walking out of the fucking bar. 1.00
02:08:01.000 You're like, holy shit. 1.00
02:08:03.000 You're hard. 1.00
02:08:03.000 I'm just an old man. 1.00
02:08:05.000 I'm just a gross piece of shit. 1.00
02:08:07.000 You are to them what I am to you. 1.00
02:08:09.000 For real.
02:08:11.000 That is the age difference.
02:08:13.000 Yeah, and I'm the next step up above that.
02:08:15.000 Yeah.
02:08:16.000 Yeah, but you look.
02:08:18.000 You've got that alien blood. 1.00
02:08:19.000 Yeah, you're a fucking alien. 1.00
02:08:20.000 You're an octopus, dude. 1.00
02:08:22.000 How cold is it, Mark? 0.99
02:08:23.000 Don't halfway.
02:08:25.000 Don't halfway.
02:08:25.000 Mark, this is for the troops, dude.
02:08:27.000 For the troops.
02:08:28.000 Did he halfway?
02:08:29.000 Did he halfway?
02:08:31.000 You kneel and finish it.
02:08:32.000 I got three-fourths.
02:08:33.000 Russia's gonna win. 0.98
02:08:34.000 Three-fourths?
02:08:35.000 Russia's gonna win. 0.98
02:08:36.000 This is for Ukraine, dude. 1.00
02:08:37.000 He measures that like he measures his dick. 1.00
02:08:39.000 Three-fourths. 1.00
02:08:40.000 From the ballsack.
02:08:40.000 Every three-fourths of an inch counts.
02:08:42.000 I go from the taint all the way up.
02:08:45.000 Give me an extra two inches. 0.91
02:08:47.000 What are you guys, about six?
02:08:49.000 That's funny.
02:08:49.000 You're like, biblical?
02:08:50.000 You're like, yeah, he was about 800 years old. 1.00
02:08:53.000 My dick's about fucking five feet long. 0.99
02:08:56.000 What kind of goofy calendar did they have in the year zero? 1.00
02:09:01.000 Forget about it.
02:09:02.000 They were just going, dude.
02:09:03.000 Didn't we just have a winter like a couple months ago, right?
02:09:07.000 Are we in the wrong spot?
02:09:08.000 Did we stay in the wrong spot? 1.00
02:09:10.000 Like, if you fucked up and you moved to Alaska, you're like, what is this bullshit? 1.00
02:09:14.000 There's no sun for months. 1.00
02:09:16.000 Nightmare.
02:09:17.000 You just thought that was normal.
02:09:18.000 You know how during the summer you forget what it's like to be cold?
02:09:20.000 Yeah.
02:09:21.000 You know what I mean? 0.99
02:09:22.000 They must have been like, they must have literally been like, ah, fuck, it's never going to be cold again. 0.99
02:09:26.000 Yo, you know what one of the dopest vampire movies ever is? 0.99
02:09:29.000 Yeah, let me hear it.
02:09:30.000 30 Days of Night.
02:09:31.000 30 Days of Night.
02:09:32.000 Never heard of it.
02:09:33.000 Don't get me started on Hartnett, dude.
02:09:34.000 You got a month to avoid them.
02:09:36.000 Love that movie.
02:09:37.000 Hartnett's a hunk.
02:09:38.000 That was Josh Hartnett in that?
02:09:40.000 Hartnett's a baby.
02:09:40.000 Josh Hartnett was one of the all-time greatest white Joshes.
02:09:44.000 Yeah, he's the best.
02:09:45.000 Very few.
02:09:46.000 What happened to that guy?
02:09:47.000 She was in Blacks. 1.00
02:09:48.000 Where did that guy go?
02:09:49.000 He's still around.
02:09:50.000 He's around.
02:09:51.000 He was in Oppenheimer?
02:09:52.000 I haven't seen Oppenheimer.
02:09:52.000 He was actually in Oppenheimer.
02:09:54.000 But he rules in this movie.
02:09:55.000 We're starting to talk over each other.
02:09:56.000 That means it's good.
02:09:59.000 It's working.
02:09:59.000 It's working.
02:10:00.000 Give me a fucking trailer for 30 days a night, Jimmy. 1.00
02:10:03.000 I've never heard of this movie. 1.00
02:10:04.000 Oh, it's great.
02:10:06.000 Vampires land in Alaska right when there's going to be no sun for 30 days.
02:10:10.000 What do you mean land?
02:10:11.000 Wait, not vampires.
02:10:12.000 In a They come in a boat.
02:10:13.000 They come in a boat.
02:10:13.000 Oh, wow.
02:10:14.000 Wait, wait.
02:10:14.000 I thought it was people in homes.
02:10:16.000 Which one was that?
02:10:16.000 No.
02:10:16.000 30 Days a Night is the vampires that come into a town in Alaska.
02:10:19.000 Yeah, but there was another one in Vampires in Alaska.
02:10:21.000 Here, watch this.
02:10:21.000 This is the trailer.
02:10:22.000 I ain't no vampire.
02:10:23.000 This is the trailer.
02:10:24.000 This is all about vampires.
02:10:24.000 Is this a comedy?
02:10:25.000 You stupid ass. 1.00
02:10:27.000 Holy shit. 1.00
02:10:29.000 You probably thought it was just your relatives. 1.00
02:10:33.000 Because you're Jewish. 0.87
02:10:34.000 Oh, Viking.
02:10:34.000 That's what I mean.
02:10:37.000 This movie fucking rules. 0.99
02:10:39.000 I've never heard of it. 1.00
02:10:40.000 What year?
02:10:41.000 2007. Yeah, 15 years ago.
02:10:43.000 And they're cool vampires, too.
02:10:45.000 They're freaky looking.
02:10:48.000 What year is it set in?
02:10:50.000 It's today. 0.99
02:10:51.000 Oh, Alaska sucks. 1.00
02:11:05.000 The time is coming. 1.00
02:11:08.000 Yikes! 1.00
02:11:09.000 I am Nando the Relentless.
02:11:11.000 Such a good show.
02:11:13.000 I thought that was Matt Taibbi.
02:11:15.000 There's Hartnett.
02:11:15.000 Look at how Hartnett is, dude.
02:11:17.000 He's so handsome.
02:11:17.000 Especially bundled up.
02:11:18.000 I'd love to shack up with him.
02:11:21.000 Oh, and the cop outfit. 0.99
02:11:22.000 Ben Foster fucking rules. 0.99
02:11:24.000 He rules in everything. 1.00
02:11:25.000 Great ass. 1.00
02:11:25.000 He's so good in everything. 1.00
02:11:27.000 He's so good in everything.
02:11:27.000 Hell or high water?
02:11:28.000 Hell or high water.
02:11:29.000 He's so good in this.
02:11:31.000 And he's like the perfect vampire familiar.
02:11:34.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
02:11:34.000 You know?
02:11:35.000 Someone who wants to be a vampire is so bad.
02:11:38.000 Gamma's top five familiars all the time.
02:11:41.000 Gamma's a great familiar.
02:11:44.000 Sam Raimi!
02:11:45.000 Can you hand me a beer, please?
02:11:50.000 It's time for me to release my hellhound, Doug Peterson.
02:11:55.000 So, they like it because there's no sun.
02:11:57.000 No sun.
02:11:58.000 That's pretty good.
02:11:59.000 They don't have to go to sleep at all.
02:12:02.000 A lot of blood.
02:12:04.000 This is terrifying.
02:12:09.000 I'm not gay, but when I was a young man, Hartnett was my guy.
02:12:14.000 Really?
02:12:14.000 Yeah, when I was a young man, I was like, that's the hottest guy possible.
02:12:18.000 I go Paul Newman.
02:12:20.000 Young Paul Newman is pretty hot.
02:12:22.000 So hot.
02:12:23.000 So hot.
02:12:24.000 Yeah, but you were...
02:12:25.000 No, now.
02:12:25.000 Oh, now.
02:12:26.000 No, but I'm saying when you were a young man.
02:12:28.000 Like, Hartnett was the man.
02:12:29.000 He was a heartthrob.
02:12:30.000 Yes.
02:12:30.000 When I was very young, it was JTT. He was on the cover of Tiger Bay.
02:12:33.000 Oh, he was cute.
02:12:34.000 He was JTT. Good fate.
02:12:36.000 He quit the business.
02:12:37.000 Jonathan Taylor Thomas.
02:12:38.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 1.00
02:12:39.000 He fucked everybody. 1.00
02:12:40.000 Your people got a hold of him. 1.00
02:12:42.000 If Jason Momoa is in the room, they all have to sit down.
02:12:44.000 Ooh, a little too beefy for me.
02:12:47.000 I don't know, man.
02:12:47.000 I'm not into it.
02:12:47.000 I don't like muscle guys.
02:12:49.000 I like a good hard net.
02:12:50.000 Really?
02:12:50.000 Yeah, give me a good hard net.
02:12:52.000 You don't like muscle guys.
02:12:53.000 Muscle guys.
02:12:54.000 I'm like, dude, take it easy.
02:12:55.000 Jason Moe with the one in a...
02:12:57.000 Take it easy?
02:12:59.000 You know what I mean?
02:13:01.000 See, who's mine? 0.93
02:13:02.000 Who's your hot guy?
02:13:03.000 Paul Walker was pretty hot.
02:13:05.000 But he's kind of girly. 1.00
02:13:07.000 Nah, that's why I want to fuck him. 1.00
02:13:08.000 He's pretty. 1.00
02:13:08.000 He's pretty. 1.00
02:13:09.000 Look at that pretty face.
02:13:10.000 Look at those lips.
02:13:10.000 You just stopped one quarter of the way through a beer.
02:13:14.000 You talking about girly? 1.00
02:13:16.000 The fuck you talking about? 1.00
02:13:19.000 He looks like a flat-chested lady. 1.00
02:13:21.000 Bro, that was 1947. Pull up Paul Walker.
02:13:24.000 That was 1947. Dudes were going over there and running up on the beach.
02:13:27.000 Yeah.
02:13:28.000 To get gunned down.
02:13:29.000 Beginning of Saving Private Ryan.
02:13:31.000 Just keep sending troops, eventually we'll get to those turrets.
02:13:33.000 Jesus Christ, man.
02:13:35.000 Imagine requiring any of that from a 20-year-old kid today.
02:13:40.000 Requiring that from any of us, we would all go, for real, no.
02:13:43.000 For real, no.
02:13:45.000 I'll just leave. 1.00
02:13:45.000 You're going to have to kill me here. 1.00
02:13:47.000 I'll just leave. 1.00
02:13:48.000 No way.
02:13:49.000 Well, just the U-boat, seeing that Omaha Beach, and just seeing everybody get mowed down, you've got to go towards it.
02:13:56.000 That whole ship right there, and then the thing opens and they'll just...
02:13:59.000 Yeah.
02:14:02.000 Guys were getting gunned down as the thing dropped.
02:14:05.000 Brutal.
02:14:06.000 Isn't a U-boat a submarine?
02:14:07.000 Yeah. 0.99
02:14:08.000 Those things, those fucking landers are something different, but I thought they were U-boats too. 0.99
02:14:12.000 How many American soldiers died in the Battle of Normandy? 0.99
02:14:17.000 How many American soldiers died?
02:14:18.000 Thousands and thousands.
02:14:19.000 I'm going to guess.
02:14:20.000 I mean, yeah, like 4,000.
02:14:22.000 12,000.
02:14:22.000 More than that.
02:14:23.000 It's way less.
02:14:24.000 It's way less.
02:14:25.000 It's like two or three?
02:14:27.000 That's a U-boat. 1.00
02:14:28.000 That's a U-boat. 1.00
02:14:28.000 So what do they call those? 1.00
02:14:29.000 Those are Hueys? 0.97
02:14:31.000 No, it wasn't a U-boat.
02:14:32.000 So that was in World War II? Yeah, how many people died on Omaha Beach?
02:14:36.000 That's what the submarines looked like in World War II? Yeah, probably way less.
02:14:38.000 Probably like 1,800. 1.00
02:14:40.000 Bro, how did they get rid of their shit? 1.00
02:14:42.000 What do you mean? 1.00
02:14:43.000 Dumping?
02:14:44.000 Mental?
02:14:45.000 They got a little torpedo chamber. 1.00
02:14:47.000 They shot a torpedo shit out? 0.99
02:14:49.000 Yeah. 0.99
02:14:49.000 2,400. 0.99
02:14:50.000 What do you mean? 0.88
02:14:51.000 Oh, get rid of their legs? 1.00
02:14:52.000 Close to 9-11 was Omaha.
02:14:53.000 America suffered 2,400 casualties.
02:14:55.000 Out of 3,400 people.
02:14:56.000 34,000 Allied troops landed by nightfall.
02:14:59.000 That's just casualties, too.
02:15:00.000 That's not even death.
02:15:01.000 Sounds kind of nice.
02:15:03.000 Casual.
02:15:04.000 So, 34,000 of them made it.
02:15:08.000 2,500.
02:15:09.000 That's pretty good odds.
02:15:11.000 Oh, D-Day itself. 0.99
02:15:12.000 Yeah, that was landings and shit. 0.99
02:15:13.000 Man! 0.99
02:15:14.000 4,400 Allied troops were killed on D-Day itself.
02:15:17.000 Including 2,501 Americans.
02:15:19.000 Check out the Battle of Kursk, see how many people died. 0.98
02:15:22.000 Oh, this is fucking the downer section of the night. 0.98
02:15:25.000 Bong and beers talking Kursk. 0.99
02:15:27.000 Mark Normandy.
02:15:28.000 See how many tanks died?
02:15:30.000 How many fine machines?
02:15:32.000 If you go back to it.
02:15:33.000 You check out Kursk?
02:15:34.000 Pretty wild, huh?
02:15:37.000 800,000 Soviets!
02:15:39.000 A million people?
02:15:40.000 What?
02:15:41.000 The Red Army defenses held firm, but at a great cost of life.
02:15:47.000 All those specific numbers are still debated amongst historians.
02:15:49.000 It's estimated the Battle of Kursk caused around 800,000 Soviet casualties and 200,000 German casualties.
02:15:59.000 I think they lost more tanks than we lost people.
02:16:02.000 At Normandy.
02:16:03.000 Hey, alright, America.
02:16:05.000 800,000 Soviet casualties.
02:16:08.000 How many troops do you have where you're like, these are assets, we can lose about this many of them.
02:16:12.000 Wow.
02:16:13.000 That's a lot of Russians.
02:16:16.000 800,000!
02:16:17.000 How many people were in the country at the time?
02:16:19.000 They saved us.
02:16:20.000 The Russians helped the war.
02:16:21.000 The Russians won the war, dude.
02:16:22.000 They lost 20 million people.
02:16:23.000 Wow!
02:16:24.000 We lost 600,000.
02:16:26.000 That's why Khabib's so tough.
02:16:29.000 You ever see how big that place is on a map?
02:16:31.000 This sounds like you don't want Ukraine to win. 1.00
02:16:34.000 Oh, shit! 1.00
02:16:35.000 Hey. 1.00
02:16:36.000 That's what it sounds like to me.
02:16:37.000 I would love for Ukraine to win.
02:16:40.000 I don't like what you're doing with your glasses.
02:16:42.000 It makes me trust you less.
02:16:44.000 I love Zolinski.
02:16:45.000 I want Ukraine to win, but I'll tell you what, Joe.
02:16:48.000 If ifs and buts were candies and nuts, we'd all have a wonderful Christmas, you know?
02:16:59.000 Oh my god.
02:17:00.000 I don't know what that was, but I loved it.
02:17:02.000 It's been going on pretty long though, huh?
02:17:03.000 You didn't expect it to go on this long.
02:17:05.000 What?
02:17:06.000 We got a lot of money.
02:17:07.000 Ukraine.
02:17:07.000 We can keep that thing going as long as we want.
02:17:09.000 It seemed like it'd be over in three weeks.
02:17:11.000 It's like an Aerosmith song, bro.
02:17:15.000 It's like a Judd Apatow movie.
02:17:17.000 It won't end.
02:17:18.000 We can keep it going.
02:17:20.000 We lost Maui, I'll tell you that.
02:17:22.000 Bro, they're making money.
02:17:24.000 Yeah, that's what it is.
02:17:26.000 There's no money in Mauer.
02:17:28.000 Tell you what, they got my Airbnb.
02:17:31.000 Huh? 1.00
02:17:31.000 Those fuckers. 1.00
02:17:32.000 That space laser shot down my Airbnb. 1.00
02:17:35.000 What?
02:17:36.000 Uncle laser.
02:17:36.000 I was going to Lahaina.
02:17:38.000 I was trying to go.
02:17:40.000 This is very...
02:17:41.000 I know, for real, obviously, it's horrific what happened, but...
02:17:45.000 Firefest, too.
02:17:48.000 That's why they should have had Burning Man.
02:17:50.000 All right, keep going.
02:17:50.000 Me and my friend growing up, his name's Jared.
02:17:52.000 Shout out, Jared.
02:17:53.000 We always wanted to go to the Maui Invitational, the college basketball tournament every year.
02:17:58.000 Up South City.
02:17:59.000 And...
02:18:01.000 So this year I finally had enough money to be like, yo, we're doing it, bro.
02:18:05.000 We're going to Maui. 0.92
02:18:05.000 And I got a sick-ass house in Lahaina. 0.92
02:18:09.000 And, uh... 0.98
02:18:10.000 We already know the ending of the show. 0.98
02:18:12.000 Sure enough, they used a space laser and fucking ruined it. 0.81
02:18:17.000 Is that what the rumor is? 0.97
02:18:20.000 Uncle Space Laser.
02:18:22.000 Did you get your deposit back?
02:18:23.000 I'm still trying to do it.
02:18:25.000 Do you get your deposit back?
02:18:27.000 I did get my deposit back.
02:18:29.000 I was not gonna ask.
02:18:31.000 They just gave it.
02:18:32.000 I was not gonna ask for the deposit back.
02:18:34.000 Yeah.
02:18:34.000 Have you been to Maui?
02:18:35.000 No, yeah.
02:18:36.000 I heard it's the best place on earth.
02:18:37.000 It's the best.
02:18:38.000 It's the best place.
02:18:38.000 Norman and I were there together.
02:18:39.000 Oh, that's right.
02:18:40.000 Black Rock Beach, now Blacker. 1.00
02:18:43.000 There's wild conspiracy theories about what caused the- Really?
02:18:47.000 Everything.
02:18:47.000 This is a fire.
02:18:48.000 This is clearly a fire with a hurricane off the coast with wind.
02:18:51.000 Well, it's also this video of the power lines going down. 1.00
02:18:54.000 PG&E, these fucking cunts, never do any repairs. 1.00
02:18:57.000 I have no idea what their resources are, right? 1.00
02:19:01.000 I would imagine they're probably depleted after COVID like everybody else is, especially a place that relies entirely on people to show up.
02:19:10.000 You know, like, for tourism, what percentage is that of Maui's economy?
02:19:14.000 98. It has to be massive, right?
02:19:15.000 No way.
02:19:16.000 The start of fire was caught on camera?
02:19:18.000 No way. 1.00
02:19:19.000 Holy shit. 1.00
02:19:20.000 Today's show, YouTube channel. 1.00
02:19:22.000 Of course it was a white freak. 0.98
02:19:23.000 It's a possible cause of first fire. 0.95
02:19:25.000 Okay, so wind took the power lines down.
02:19:28.000 It shouldn't be that easy.
02:19:29.000 To take a power line down.
02:19:31.000 Yeah, they get wind on Maui.
02:19:32.000 Hurricane wind.
02:19:33.000 Is hurricane wind.
02:19:34.000 Yeah, but they're ready for that.
02:19:36.000 No, they're not.
02:19:36.000 They don't get hurricanes that much.
02:19:38.000 Okay.
02:19:39.000 They don't?
02:19:39.000 No.
02:19:40.000 It's very lush.
02:19:42.000 That's why it doesn't have much.
02:19:42.000 What do they get?
02:19:43.000 What's a big storm for them?
02:19:45.000 Because they get crazy storms.
02:19:47.000 Pearl Harbor?
02:19:48.000 So Hurricane is straight to fire. 1.00
02:19:50.000 Damn. 1.00
02:19:51.000 Jesus Christ. 1.00
02:19:52.000 They do get hit with the Pearl Harbor.
02:19:53.000 Oh, yeah.
02:19:54.000 Bro.
02:19:55.000 That's crazy.
02:19:56.000 Pearl Harbor was probably around those casualties, too.
02:19:58.000 Yeah, that was up there.
02:19:59.000 9-11, D-Day, and Pearl Harbor.
02:20:00.000 All very, very similar amount of casualties.
02:20:02.000 Best fist fight I ever saw was at Maui Fest.
02:20:05.000 We went to.
02:20:06.000 Who was fighting?
02:20:06.000 It was like a Maui, Hawaiian guy.
02:20:09.000 Tough as shit. 1.00
02:20:10.000 Those guys are scary as hell. 1.00
02:20:11.000 And then like a white guy who obviously had training. 0.98
02:20:15.000 Yeah.
02:20:15.000 And they just went at it in a bar and it was crazy.
02:20:19.000 It was like a movie.
02:20:20.000 Dude's actually fighting is crazy.
02:20:22.000 Crazy!
02:20:22.000 A real fight is like dudes wrestling and be like...
02:20:25.000 If you're in Hawaii, there's a real good chance a lot of the guys that you're gonna run into at a bar know how to fight.
02:20:32.000 It's a real good chance.
02:20:34.000 BJ Penn and Max Holloway, two of the greatest of all time.
02:20:38.000 Two of the greatest of all time greats.
02:20:40.000 Also one of the greatest fan bases.
02:20:42.000 There's always fights in the stands at UFC when a Hawaiian fights.
02:20:45.000 Really?
02:20:45.000 It's just standard.
02:20:47.000 It's like two to one.
02:20:48.000 Well, they're living on an island.
02:20:49.000 And they hate Whitey. 0.95
02:20:51.000 But they're just out there like, let's go. 0.98
02:20:53.000 I think they hate douchey whitey. 1.00
02:20:55.000 They hate the douchey whitey that comes in and fucks with their way of life. 1.00
02:20:59.000 Guilty. 1.00
02:21:01.000 They hate whitey. 0.99
02:21:02.000 I don't think they hate whitey. 0.93
02:21:03.000 Everybody, though.
02:21:04.000 I don't know.
02:21:05.000 There's tension over there, man. 0.99
02:21:06.000 If you fucking move in and buy their land... 1.00
02:21:09.000 And build a fucking Dave and Buster's. 1.00
02:21:10.000 They have a small amount of land. 0.99
02:21:12.000 Imagine what it's like if you're out of an island and people start just buying up chunks of your island. 0.98
02:21:15.000 And one fucking internet guy has a whole island. 0.94
02:21:18.000 None of you can come, just me. 0.99
02:21:20.000 What a baller move!
02:21:20.000 What a baller move!
02:21:22.000 But you know everybody can go.
02:21:23.000 There's four seasons on it.
02:21:24.000 Oh really?
02:21:25.000 It's amazing.
02:21:26.000 Wait, he just owns like 80% of it? 0.98
02:21:27.000 No, he owns the whole fucking island, bro, but you could stay on his island. 0.99
02:21:31.000 It's a catch-22. 1.00
02:21:31.000 That guy's a fucking bitch. 1.00
02:21:32.000 No, no, no, Larry Ellison. 1.00
02:21:34.000 That guy's a bitch. 1.00
02:21:34.000 Let no one on if you're a fucking man. 1.00
02:21:36.000 What are you talking about? 1.00
02:21:37.000 If he was a real man, he wouldn't let up Four Seasons there.
02:21:39.000 It's a big island, Ari.
02:21:41.000 Nah, get up, get up, get up.
02:21:42.000 It's tourism.
02:21:42.000 They've got to have a Four Seasons.
02:21:44.000 I mean, that's a catch-22 because they hate all the whitey coming in, but they also bring in more whitey who spend money. 0.85
02:21:50.000 So what do you do here? 0.61
02:21:51.000 It's like slavery. 1.00
02:21:54.000 God damn! 1.00
02:21:56.000 What? 1.00
02:21:56.000 I don't know where you went with that. 1.00
02:21:59.000 Well, it's a tough one, because, you know, slavery's horrible, but...
02:22:03.000 We got a lot of sugar.
02:22:04.000 Yeah! 0.69
02:22:07.000 You know, slavery sucked, but we sure did get a lot of sugar and coffee.
02:22:10.000 And cotton. 0.64
02:22:12.000 Jesus, boys.
02:22:13.000 No, no, I was being...
02:22:15.000 I was joking, because...
02:22:16.000 Same.
02:22:16.000 The joke was that sugar and coffee is not worth the human...
02:22:21.000 Coffee.
02:22:21.000 That was the joke.
02:22:23.000 Oh, I don't know.
02:22:24.000 Coffee's pretty good. 0.99
02:22:24.000 The problem is if you're too fucked up to hear the begettings of jokes, you're like, wait, what? 0.99
02:22:28.000 You're like, no, I'm not fucking this up. 0.99
02:22:30.000 I would just like to explain this for any, with a more critical eye. 0.61
02:22:34.000 Maui, wowi.
02:22:37.000 Alright, alright.
02:22:38.000 Let's get it back together.
02:22:39.000 Alright, alright.
02:22:39.000 Sorry, folks.
02:22:40.000 Hey, the Irish were slaves.
02:22:43.000 And the, uh, the Jews... 0.97
02:22:46.000 Pyramid.
02:22:47.000 Barely, dude.
02:22:47.000 Apparently there's more slaves today than there ever was when slavery was legal.
02:22:52.000 I've heard that.
02:22:52.000 Yeah, and the Uyghurs.
02:22:54.000 Well, what's happening with those folks?
02:22:57.000 I don't know.
02:22:57.000 I hate Uyghurs.
02:22:59.000 We don't even know what's going on in Ukraine.
02:23:01.000 See, he did it too. 0.99
02:23:02.000 We don't know shit. 1.00
02:23:04.000 A lot of Nazis out there, too. 0.99
02:23:05.000 How could you know? 0.99
02:23:06.000 A lot of white supremacists.
02:23:07.000 I think we should be trying to know.
02:23:09.000 Who's the one guy that had a Nazi tattoo and he had his sleeve covered when he received an award?
02:23:15.000 Zelensky.
02:23:16.000 No, no, no, no, no, no, no. 1.00
02:23:17.000 He's the guy who played the piano with his dick. 1.00
02:23:19.000 What? 1.00
02:23:20.000 Yeah.
02:23:21.000 I don't know this guy.
02:23:22.000 No.
02:23:22.000 Zelensky?
02:23:23.000 Oh! 0.60
02:23:23.000 That was Zelensky? 0.60
02:23:24.000 Yeah, when he was a comic.
02:23:26.000 Yeah.
02:23:26.000 Wait, really?
02:23:26.000 He did all the single ladies dance.
02:23:28.000 Zelensky was a comic, and he played the piano with his dick. 1.00
02:23:31.000 He was a pianist. 1.00
02:23:32.000 What?
02:23:33.000 What was the other guy I was asking about?
02:23:36.000 What was the other guy I was asking about?
02:23:37.000 The guy with the swastika?
02:23:38.000 Yeah, some guy.
02:23:39.000 See if you can find that.
02:23:40.000 So some guy received some award.
02:23:44.000 In a cupboard?
02:23:45.000 I want to say an actor gave it to him.
02:23:47.000 I forget who gave it to him.
02:23:48.000 Was it Adolf Hitler for killing most Jews?
02:23:51.000 When he was receiving his award, he had a...
02:23:55.000 The winner of this year's Killing Most Years Award.
02:23:59.000 No surprise here, everybody.
02:24:01.000 A landslide repeat from 1943. What did they name before him?
02:24:07.000 Stalin? 0.54
02:24:08.000 I guess so.
02:24:09.000 I think the award was something they gave him at the beginning of the invasion, where everybody was on Ukraine's side.
02:24:17.000 Hey, Stuart!
02:24:18.000 Ukrainian Nazis were invited to Disney World by the Pentagon. 1.00
02:24:22.000 Holy shit! 1.00
02:24:25.000 2022 DoD Warrior Games. 1.00
02:24:27.000 What the fuck? 0.99
02:24:27.000 Liberal comedian Jon Stewart even honored a former hardcore Azov militant for his personal example. 0.99
02:24:35.000 I mean, there's a lot more they're not sharing the story.
02:24:37.000 But this is the guy.
02:24:38.000 So that guy has this tattoo on his elbow.
02:24:41.000 And so he had it covered when he was receiving his award.
02:24:44.000 That's not a swastika tattoo, that's a dream catcher. 1.00
02:24:47.000 You don't see too many assies with fucking stuffed animals. 1.00
02:24:49.000 He's a hippie. 1.00
02:24:50.000 That's pretty fun.
02:24:51.000 It's cute.
02:24:52.000 That's a hippie. 1.00
02:24:54.000 He's holding a fucking Mickey Mouse. 1.00
02:24:55.000 That's made by Walt Disney. 1.00
02:24:56.000 It balances it out.
02:24:58.000 How do we know that's not photoshopped?
02:25:01.000 Mmm.
02:25:02.000 How do we know that's not Photoshop?
02:25:03.000 There's no Mickey Mouse.
02:25:04.000 That would be a good way if I was a conspiracy theorist.
02:25:07.000 There you go.
02:25:08.000 I would say I'd like to see the original photo, please.
02:25:10.000 Oh, hey guys.
02:25:11.000 Because that's a little convenient. 0.93
02:25:13.000 This guy's got teddy bears and also he's a Nazi. 0.70
02:25:15.000 One of those two are Photoshopped in.
02:25:17.000 Something's wrong.
02:25:18.000 Interesting.
02:25:19.000 Something's wrong.
02:25:19.000 Isn't it funny?
02:25:20.000 We sided with the Russians to defeat the Nazis.
02:25:23.000 Now we're siding with the Nazis to defeat the Russians. 0.81
02:25:25.000 Interesting.
02:25:26.000 So when he receives his award, he's got his left arm covered.
02:25:30.000 Is that a cast?
02:25:32.000 Yeah, it does look like a cast.
02:25:34.000 Somebody tried to bring his arm because they thought it was a Nazi thing and it wasn't.
02:25:37.000 It might be he's just like really into designs.
02:25:39.000 It looks bionic.
02:25:40.000 It is Arabic originally.
02:25:41.000 Yeah, the swastika.
02:25:43.000 I went to this Indian temple.
02:25:46.000 There's an Indian temple in Woodland Hills.
02:25:49.000 And it has, like, backwards swastikas all over the place. 0.59
02:25:52.000 I don't buy that that thing's a swastika. 0.99
02:25:54.000 If that guy's really a swastika guy, he's just fucking making a swastika. 0.99
02:25:58.000 What's that fucking high-tech design he has? 0.99
02:25:59.000 That's not a swastika. 0.99
02:26:00.000 That's not a Nazi thing.
02:26:01.000 He covered over it.
02:26:02.000 What is that?
02:26:03.000 That's a misinterpretation of what the first thing is.
02:26:05.000 Maybe he's just worried about the interpretation of it.
02:26:07.000 Is that what you're saying?
02:26:08.000 Yeah, maybe.
02:26:08.000 Because it's like, just get a swastika.
02:26:10.000 But those guys, those Azov guys... 1.00
02:26:14.000 What he got was, like, electric, that guy.
02:26:17.000 No, the Azov-Badakafeller Center?
02:26:19.000 Yeah, they ended up covering it up eventually.
02:26:21.000 Look at that!
02:26:21.000 Found on piping and valves during construction projects at the state capitol.
02:26:26.000 It's the opposite way, right?
02:26:27.000 What year was that?
02:26:28.000 Why are you confused by that?
02:26:29.000 They bought piping from Nazi Germany.
02:26:31.000 I didn't know that.
02:26:31.000 Yeah, they were making steel.
02:26:33.000 Well, that's why they're confused by that. 0.99
02:26:35.000 Before they did all the bad things, they were making some cool shit. 0.99
02:26:39.000 Yeah, Mercedes. 0.99
02:26:41.000 That's wild.
02:26:42.000 It isn't German, but...
02:26:42.000 Volkswagen?
02:26:44.000 Oh, it's not even German?
02:26:45.000 No, that's...
02:26:46.000 Wrong.
02:26:47.000 Wrong, though.
02:26:48.000 Somebody's just playing a little joke.
02:26:50.000 Bro, he's an apologist.
02:26:52.000 Sounds like he's a little bit of a Hitler apologist. 1.00
02:26:54.000 Oh, shit! 1.00
02:26:55.000 They were making steel! 1.00
02:26:58.000 What's the problem?
02:27:00.000 It's American-made, according to this.
02:27:02.000 Oh my god, it's American-made, and someone put a Nazi...
02:27:04.000 But it is the symbol for good luck, so it was...
02:27:07.000 Yeah, it's the Hindu one. 1.00
02:27:08.000 It's before that even, 1920s.
02:27:10.000 According to Abe's story-rama.
02:27:12.000 So this is in the 1920s?
02:27:13.000 A best-dis-orama.
02:27:14.000 That's so wild!
02:27:16.000 I don't know about this guy.
02:27:16.000 Imagine if you had all your stock in swastikas.
02:27:19.000 You're like, guys, it's a symbol of good luck!
02:27:23.000 What could go wrong?!
02:27:25.000 I got the copyright! 0.99
02:27:27.000 I fucking mortgaged my house! 0.98
02:27:29.000 I don't have to tell you, buddy. 0.99
02:27:30.000 It's like Corona during COVID. Stocks are going down.
02:27:33.000 No, no, no, no, no, no.
02:27:34.000 Guys, guys, guys, you don't understand.
02:27:36.000 I own the swastika. 0.96
02:27:37.000 You did nothing wrong, but it's over.
02:27:40.000 It's like when Meryl Streep was like, Harvey's the greatest. 0.96
02:27:43.000 It's fucking good luck, guys. 1.00
02:27:44.000 You can't make it killing the Jews. 1.00
02:27:46.000 It's good luck. 0.99
02:27:47.000 It's so funny to just be like, you're never going to believe this. 0.98
02:27:50.000 The worst fucking thing that's ever happened to people. 0.98
02:27:53.000 That symbol you like and invested in? 1.00
02:27:55.000 And that's your symbol and you put it on your pipes.
02:27:57.000 Turns out the worst guy ever.
02:27:59.000 And then, like, ten years later, like, people are doing construction on houses and they know that you put these pipes in and there's swastikas on it. 0.99
02:28:06.000 Like, hey, Mike, what the fuck is this? 0.93
02:28:08.000 And you're like, no, no, no, no, no, back then the swastika was good luck, guys! 0.99
02:28:13.000 Guys!
02:28:14.000 Guys!
02:28:15.000 Guys!
02:28:15.000 Guys!
02:28:15.000 Guys!
02:28:15.000 Guys!
02:28:16.000 Back then, it was good luck!
02:28:17.000 Those were the same people who got beat up during 9-11.
02:28:20.000 Not even us!
02:28:22.000 Here's the other thing. 0.95
02:28:23.000 Back then, how the fuck would you know if it was a symbol for good luck? 0.97
02:28:26.000 What are you going to do? 0.98
02:28:27.000 Get a book? 1.00
02:28:28.000 You're not going to believe this asshole! 1.00
02:28:30.000 Where am I going to get a book? 1.00
02:28:32.000 Where am I going to get a book in 1947 on what the fucking original meaning of the swastika? 0.96
02:28:38.000 It's called Mein Kampf. 0.96
02:28:38.000 How much digging do I have to do? 0.96
02:28:41.000 How much digging do I have to do to find out the truth?
02:28:44.000 No Google. 1.00
02:28:44.000 In 1947, you're fucked. 1.00
02:28:46.000 That symbol had thousands of years. 1.00
02:28:48.000 The swastika Germans had like eight.
02:28:50.000 It's amazing.
02:28:51.000 It's a good graphic design.
02:28:53.000 What a run! 0.99
02:28:54.000 It used to be a fucking thing that some Shotokan karate guys would have on their geese. 0.99
02:29:00.000 Pull it up, J-Mo. 0.99
02:29:01.000 Because it was like a Shotokan symbol.
02:29:04.000 Shotokan.
02:29:05.000 I don't know what...
02:29:06.000 Shotokan.
02:29:07.000 I think it existed in many different cultures.
02:29:10.000 I think so, too. 1.00
02:29:10.000 It's the sickest fucking symbol of this. 1.00
02:29:12.000 It's a great design. 1.00
02:29:14.000 It's on every motorcycle in Indonesia.
02:29:16.000 It's everywhere.
02:29:17.000 Really?
02:29:18.000 It's so weird. 1.00
02:29:19.000 You're just like, what the fuck? 0.99
02:29:20.000 But you don't know which way it's facing. 1.00
02:29:22.000 In your mind, when you picture a swastika, you're like, I don't know.
02:29:24.000 Which way is it supposed to go?
02:29:26.000 That would be a little alarming for you, yeah.
02:29:27.000 Oh, there you go.
02:29:28.000 Look how many of them there were.
02:29:29.000 Wow.
02:29:31.000 So, Germans is right to left. 0.99
02:29:34.000 We're back here.
02:29:36.000 On top, right to left.
02:29:38.000 Okay, right to left at the angle?
02:29:40.000 Yeah, we do talk a lot about...
02:29:42.000 So the German one, that's the German one, right?
02:29:43.000 So that's the good luck.
02:29:45.000 Left to right.
02:29:47.000 No, wait.
02:29:47.000 Right...
02:29:48.000 Yeah, I know, but who's doing that counting?
02:29:50.000 Left to right on the top.
02:29:50.000 You know what's really bizarre?
02:29:52.000 Yeah.
02:29:52.000 You 100% see those kind of things when you're tripping.
02:29:55.000 You don't see them like that.
02:29:58.000 Take mushrooms and see swastikas? 0.89
02:29:59.000 You don't see that. 0.96
02:30:01.000 You see infinite versions of that with squares and boxes and tubes and shit, but you see those kind of swirling, moving, geometric patterns.
02:30:15.000 It's funny they don't have German on there. 0.76
02:30:16.000 I wonder if the origin of that was people tripping.
02:30:19.000 Maybe.
02:30:19.000 I wonder if the origin of that was someone eating mushrooms and seeing these wild, crazy patterns and saying, oh, that's good luck.
02:30:25.000 Hold on.
02:30:26.000 Wait, could you go back to the Hindu one? 0.99
02:30:28.000 Oh, that guy's hilarious. 0.66
02:30:29.000 Dude, that's so crazy.
02:30:30.000 The one that said Hindu?
02:30:32.000 Look at that.
02:30:33.000 Star David Swastika?
02:30:34.000 Because I've never seen a swastika.
02:30:36.000 Wow, it's facing the right way.
02:30:38.000 I've never seen a swastika while I'm tripping, but I've seen the geometric patterns like that.
02:30:43.000 I would certainly see how someone who had tripped before would think of that as a representation of what you see when you're tripping.
02:30:52.000 And why did those ones never go the other way?
02:30:55.000 Don't click it Jamie.
02:30:56.000 Because you know what it seems like it's it seems like it's got motion to it.
02:31:00.000 You know what I'm saying? 0.98
02:31:02.000 And that's like what you when you experience like when you're tripping and you experience like whatever the fuck you're seeing. 0.91
02:31:07.000 They're not static. 0.87
02:31:10.000 Right, they move.
02:31:11.000 They're constantly moving and rotating.
02:31:14.000 And that looks like, if I was going to have a two-dimensional drawing of something you could see where you're tripping balls, that's what it looks like.
02:31:22.000 And that's what it was.
02:31:23.000 It was a good luck thing for thousands of years. 1.00
02:31:26.000 And the fucking Nazis just took it over. 1.00
02:31:29.000 That was the second worst thing they did. 1.00
02:31:32.000 Second worst thing they did!
02:31:34.000 And also...
02:31:35.000 The crazy thing is how good they were at engineering. 1.00
02:31:40.000 How good their fucking cars were. 1.00
02:31:42.000 Oh, they're very efficient. 1.00
02:31:43.000 How good their engines were. 1.00
02:31:45.000 They suck, dude. 1.00
02:31:46.000 Fuck Germany. 1.00
02:31:48.000 I'll be in Berlin in one week. 1.00
02:31:52.000 Bro, they did some wild shit. 0.99
02:31:54.000 They got rowdy. 1.00
02:31:55.000 Look at this building in San Diego.
02:31:57.000 What is that?
02:31:58.000 Oh my god, it's a swastika building. 1.00
02:31:59.000 Oh, shit! 1.00
02:32:01.000 No. 1.00
02:32:02.000 That's the right way.
02:32:03.000 But that's the correct way. 1.00
02:32:04.000 The guy went, son of a bitch. 1.00
02:32:07.000 Still got a Jewish landlord. 1.00
02:32:09.000 Jesus Christ!
02:32:13.000 Oh my god.
02:32:18.000 We used to live in the Lower East Side, me and my ex-girlfriend, and the Jews, they owned the building, I'm talking Hasidic, and he would come in to fix something.
02:32:27.000 They have a tool belt.
02:32:28.000 It's so weird to see a rabbi with a beard like that, a yarmulke, the tassels, and a tool belt, and he would fix your plumbing, but he couldn't look at the girl. 1.00
02:32:36.000 He wouldn't look at her. 0.97
02:32:37.000 That's sick.
02:32:38.000 It was wild.
02:32:39.000 That's very nice.
02:32:40.000 It was nice.
02:32:41.000 Wow.
02:32:42.000 That's the type of tool guy you want. 1.00
02:32:44.000 You don't want some fucking jacked hot guy coming in. 1.00
02:32:47.000 Oh, good points. 1.00
02:32:47.000 I'm Josh Hartman. 1.00
02:32:48.000 And you're sitting there like a pussy where you're like, I don't know how to fix a shelf. 1.00
02:32:51.000 Yeah, yeah. 1.00
02:32:52.000 Some jacked guy comes in and fixes it.
02:32:53.000 He's like, that took five seconds.
02:32:55.000 But the pipe's got a swastika on it.
02:32:56.000 And he tosses in a swastika pipe.
02:32:58.000 Yeah.
02:33:00.000 I gotta replace these pipes.
02:33:02.000 They're old or something.
02:33:02.000 Guys, guys, guys, this is my business.
02:33:05.000 This is my family business.
02:33:06.000 It's all fun and games for you.
02:33:08.000 But I own the swastika. 0.93
02:33:10.000 It's good luck, guys.
02:33:11.000 That's all it is.
02:33:12.000 It's good luck.
02:33:13.000 This is a fad.
02:33:14.000 This fad's going to pass. 0.89
02:33:16.000 Look, it was good luck for thousands and thousands and thousands of years.
02:33:19.000 It faces slightly differently.
02:33:20.000 You really think that the Nazis are going to ruin forever?
02:33:23.000 I'm telling you guys.
02:33:24.000 I am very big on the swastika. 0.53
02:33:26.000 It's a fad.
02:33:26.000 It's coming back.
02:33:27.000 That'd be like if the horseshoe all of a sudden became the symbol for killing Muslims or something. 0.99
02:33:32.000 Right, right, right. 0.99
02:33:34.000 It's that game they play now.
02:33:36.000 Yeah, yeah.
02:33:37.000 Right.
02:33:39.000 There you go.
02:33:40.000 Things like that do happen.
02:33:42.000 I mean, rainbows used to mean leprechauns.
02:33:44.000 Oh, yeah.
02:33:45.000 It used to mean pots of gold! 1.00
02:33:46.000 Now it means sucking another guy's ass. 1.00
02:33:49.000 Let me cum in your butt and then suck it out of your butt. 1.00
02:33:52.000 And that means rainbow. 1.00
02:33:54.000 Anytime I see a rainbow, I think about sucking a guy's fucking dick and nuts. 1.00
02:33:57.000 So much of my cum or someone else's cum in your butt that I could suck out. 1.00
02:34:00.000 Guys, I don't think that. 1.00
02:34:02.000 I think pride.
02:34:03.000 Well, remember, pride used to mean something else.
02:34:05.000 Pride was like, we have pride in your river. 0.98
02:34:07.000 I think I'm the best at sucking out of... 0.98
02:34:10.000 I'm the proudest I am. 0.93
02:34:12.000 But doesn't the Bible say you shouldn't have pride?
02:34:15.000 Yeah, it's a sin.
02:34:16.000 Yeah, so there you go.
02:34:17.000 You can have it.
02:34:18.000 Pride's a sin.
02:34:19.000 It's in the Bible.
02:34:20.000 Top seven. 0.94
02:34:21.000 Maybe that's how everybody got confused and thought that you shouldn't be gay. 1.00
02:34:26.000 Don't be so proud of your pecks and shit. 1.00
02:34:29.000 Don't be so proud of your great life, guys. 1.00
02:34:32.000 That fucking... 1.00
02:34:32.000 That Norm Macdonald joke about that is so good. 1.00
02:34:35.000 What's that?
02:34:35.000 The pride about he's like...
02:34:37.000 Oh, I love that joke. 0.93
02:34:37.000 Ah, McCluskey, old dog. 0.93
02:34:39.000 He's like some guy working at a factory.
02:34:41.000 He's like, here's my son.
02:34:42.000 He graduated.
02:34:42.000 He's the first of the McCluskeys to graduate from college.
02:34:45.000 He's one of the... 1.00
02:34:46.000 He's like, here he is sucking a guy's dick, that's what I'm most proud about. 1.00
02:34:56.000 Anyway. 1.00
02:34:58.000 Oh, when he was on Dennis Miller.
02:35:00.000 And I saw in it there were these old men and old ladies with these signs that said, we are proud of our gay son.
02:35:07.000 That's an odd thing to be proud of, you know, because it's not an achievement, you know?
02:35:11.000 It's not like something you work all your life to be gay or anything like that.
02:35:16.000 It's a great point.
02:35:17.000 Real good point.
02:35:18.000 Oh my God, we're proud of him, Johnny. 0.99
02:35:19.000 He graduated from Harvard, you know, and now he's articling over at a law firm and, oh yeah, he loves cock. 0.99
02:35:27.000 Watch Dennis Miller. 0.96
02:35:30.000 That's hilarious.
02:35:31.000 That's a great bit.
02:35:33.000 Yeah. 1.00
02:35:34.000 He loves cock. 1.00
02:35:35.000 Did you ever see him do the one about the, More black people, it means more crime. 1.00
02:35:40.000 Yes! 0.95
02:35:41.000 It's a radio show.
02:35:42.000 The poor people commit crime. 1.00
02:35:43.000 The lady's like, no they don't. 1.00
02:35:44.000 I was like, wait, what?
02:35:45.000 Oh, you gotta show that one.
02:35:46.000 They call in.
02:35:47.000 They're like, no, we are poor.
02:35:48.000 No, we're poor.
02:35:50.000 It's great.
02:35:51.000 Because the lady keeps calling them a racist. 0.98
02:35:52.000 And he goes, wait, are you saying black people are richer than white people? 0.94
02:35:55.000 Right. 0.62
02:35:56.000 And they're like, no.
02:35:56.000 I'm like, well then what?
02:35:58.000 What was this on?
02:35:59.000 It was on a radio show.
02:36:00.000 It was like a morning radio show when you had to do that to sell out a club.
02:36:03.000 Oh, wow.
02:36:03.000 He's just making intentionally combative points that are correct.
02:36:07.000 He's like the original Ben Shapiro.
02:36:09.000 That's when he had the teachers.
02:36:10.000 Don't put that on, Norm.
02:36:13.000 Don't put that on, Norm.
02:36:14.000 He's like, I got these people riled up.
02:36:16.000 Watch this.
02:36:17.000 No, he was being funny.
02:36:18.000 He also said, teachers aren't heroes.
02:36:20.000 He's like, they're not heroes.
02:36:21.000 This is the tallest guy in the room.
02:36:25.000 Heroes?
02:36:26.000 Well, you teach people how to color?
02:36:28.000 Firemen are heroes.
02:36:30.000 That's such a great line!
02:36:33.000 The Louie joke about teachers is so good.
02:36:35.000 What is it? 1.00
02:36:36.000 Just like, you are a fucking loser! 1.00
02:36:40.000 And he's like... 1.00
02:36:41.000 You go up to a building and they're like, yeah, you've got to teach all these kids math.
02:36:45.000 He's like, oh, do they want to learn about math?
02:36:47.000 It's like, none of them are.
02:36:49.000 It's like, wait, well, which kids is it?
02:36:51.000 It's just like, whoever's closest to the building, we're going to bring all the kids in.
02:36:54.000 I don't remember that one.
02:36:55.000 Yeah, I think it was 2017. Oh, my God.
02:36:58.000 I'm open for that.
02:36:58.000 That was a great one.
02:36:59.000 Really?
02:36:59.000 You're open for that?
02:37:00.000 If you see the beginning, I'm hugging him and Joe Lister.
02:37:04.000 Teach them.
02:37:05.000 This is at the Daughters of the American Revolution in D.C. He is the worst I don't recommend clapping at anything.
02:37:25.000 You'll regret it at the end of the thing.
02:37:29.000 In a democracy, there's no more noble contribution you can make than to teach in a public school. 1.00
02:37:34.000 And in this country, the people that do that, they're fucking losers. 1.00
02:37:39.000 I am just rock bottom fucking loser! 1.00
02:37:46.000 There's more, there's more. 1.00
02:37:48.000 I'll tell you what's crazy about that.
02:37:49.000 It's so funny.
02:37:49.000 It's like, I know I'm going, guys, guys, oh my god, please stop.
02:37:52.000 Please stop, stop.
02:37:53.000 I'm going so dark with it.
02:37:55.000 This is 2017, pre-cancel, obviously, and me and Joe Liss would run out to do an open mic, and Louis would go with us.
02:38:02.000 Do open mics?
02:38:03.000 Yeah, just do an open mic at like a bar in D.C. That's cool. 0.99
02:38:06.000 He's a psycho.
02:38:07.000 Oh, after your show? 0.91
02:38:08.000 After filming a Netflix thing, you'd be like, where are you guys going?
02:38:12.000 I know where it was.
02:38:12.000 Big Hunt.
02:38:13.000 Big Hunt was a good open mic.
02:38:15.000 Big Hunt was good.
02:38:16.000 And people went apeshit when he walked in, obviously.
02:38:18.000 Obviously, yeah. 0.58
02:38:19.000 Oh, yeah.
02:38:20.000 That's amazing.
02:38:21.000 But then you go out to eat with Louie, and you watch him eat, and you're like, oh, man.
02:38:24.000 You were, like, my hero.
02:38:26.000 Wow.
02:38:27.000 What was the problem?
02:38:28.000 Oh, man.
02:38:29.000 He's a bad eater.
02:38:30.000 I went to a Yankee game with him.
02:38:31.000 We got, like, sweet tickets or something, and it was just all-you-can-eat.
02:38:34.000 And he goes, sorry, sorry.
02:38:38.000 But he goes, hey man, you're about to be grossed out by this.
02:38:41.000 Oh, he knew it?
02:38:43.000 Yeah, he was like, it's free burgers.
02:38:45.000 I'm just telling you now.
02:38:46.000 It's going to be disgusting for you. 0.98
02:38:48.000 Let's go. 0.87
02:38:49.000 His sweater gets ruined.
02:38:52.000 That guy can munch.
02:38:54.000 He can munch. 1.00
02:38:56.000 Please jerk off. 1.00
02:38:58.000 As a Jew, I was like, no, dude! 1.00
02:39:00.000 It's all over the fucking beard and the shirt. 1.00
02:39:03.000 Ah! 1.00
02:39:04.000 He needs a lobster bib.
02:39:06.000 Dude, I saw him one time in the cellar, and he was doing whatever, and he just stops, and there's crumbs on him. 0.99
02:39:11.000 He just goes, the fuck's wrong with you? 0.99
02:39:15.000 There's crumbs on you! 1.00
02:39:17.000 He's a brilliant guy, but you're like, oh, wow.
02:39:20.000 You're just like us.
02:39:23.000 Yeah, those smart guys.
02:39:24.000 Those real brilliant guys. 1.00
02:39:25.000 They always have fucking crumbs on them. 1.00
02:39:27.000 Yeah! 1.00
02:39:28.000 Something's up!
02:39:30.000 Something's up!
02:39:30.000 I'm trying to wipe myself off after a meal.
02:39:33.000 Yeah, the Venn diagram of people with crumbs on them. 1.00
02:39:37.000 It's like the dumbest people on earth. 1.00
02:39:39.000 They got a wicked booger or something. 1.00
02:39:43.000 The smartest guys I know are always fucking disgusting. 1.00
02:39:48.000 I'm sure Einstein had skid marks and shit. 1.00
02:39:51.000 Einstein was disgusting. 1.00
02:39:53.000 Some guy at fucking Einstein's dining hall was like, that guy fucking sucks. 1.00
02:39:59.000 I bet my life Einstein had horrible breath. 1.00
02:40:04.000 Imagine a scientist that looked like James Franco.
02:40:09.000 No way.
02:40:09.000 It doesn't exist.
02:40:10.000 Dress is slick.
02:40:12.000 No way. 1.00
02:40:13.000 Punch him in the belly. 0.99
02:40:14.000 You're not going to listen to it anyway. 1.00
02:40:15.000 You want a dude with fucked up hair. 1.00
02:40:17.000 Look at that guy. 1.00
02:40:19.000 He smoked cigarette butts he picked off the street, son.
02:40:24.000 See?
02:40:25.000 Look at that!
02:40:25.000 There you go!
02:40:26.000 We called it!
02:40:28.000 We called it!
02:40:28.000 Bro!
02:40:29.000 That motherfucker picked cigarette butts off the street and smoked them. 1.00
02:40:33.000 He looks like a community college walk-on. 1.00
02:40:36.000 Well, it's like brilliant guys always have a, like, Norm Macdonald couldn't drive.
02:40:40.000 Right!
02:40:41.000 You know, like, they always have something missing. 0.99
02:40:43.000 That's why they're so smart, because they're not using that brain power for other shit. 0.99
02:40:45.000 I heard Norm used to ask people to go play tennis if they had cars, and on the way home from tennis, he'd be like, we should stop at the supermarket. 0.97
02:40:52.000 You ever go to Nick Mullins' apartment? 0.98
02:40:55.000 He's got a fucking squat rack and a fake race car. 0.99
02:41:08.000 He's one of the quickest one-liner guys ever. 1.00
02:41:10.000 And retarded! 1.00
02:41:12.000 It's crazy! 1.00
02:41:13.000 Genius level comedic brain.
02:41:15.000 Him and Jimmy Dore are a perfect combination.
02:41:18.000 You watch those videos they do together? 1.00
02:41:20.000 Kurt just kind of sits on the side, just chimes in, talks shit. 0.99
02:41:24.000 It's great. 1.00
02:41:25.000 But he said that show's kind of fucked him up. 0.66
02:41:27.000 Really?
02:41:28.000 He goes, before that, I never really considered how many of these things were real conspiracies that are real.
02:41:32.000 Like, how many different things...
02:41:34.000 Oh, right.
02:41:34.000 That's a bummer.
02:41:34.000 That's a bummer.
02:41:35.000 It's kind of a freakout.
02:41:37.000 It's better to not know. 0.58
02:41:38.000 Yeah, because if you're bliss-free, ignorant, just running around, having a good time, living your life, same result kind of happens. 0.66
02:41:45.000 It's the exact same. 0.92
02:41:46.000 For the most part.
02:41:47.000 You're not going to shut down the CIA. And you're like, oh, fuck. 1.00
02:41:49.000 There's a period you go through where you're like, oh shit, I realize it's wrong. 1.00
02:41:55.000 And then you get over that and you're like, it'll never change. 0.99
02:41:57.000 Goodbye, I'm going to have a good time.
02:41:58.000 Yeah, like Nate Bregazzi.
02:42:00.000 Killer comedian.
02:42:00.000 He's in the third stage.
02:42:01.000 But he thinks dinosaurs and people were hanging out.
02:42:04.000 Whoa, is that real?
02:42:06.000 Is that real?
02:42:07.000 He's got a bit about it.
02:42:08.000 Maybe.
02:42:08.000 He really believes that?
02:42:09.000 No, no.
02:42:11.000 He may as well.
02:42:12.000 He goes, I know this is lame, but I don't believe dinosaurs are real.
02:42:15.000 That's hilarious.
02:42:16.000 I guess that it's a joke, that's why I'm saying it, but I actually don't believe it.
02:42:19.000 He doesn't believe it.
02:42:21.000 I get it.
02:42:23.000 Oh, I've talked to multiple people who don't believe dinosaurs are real. 0.97
02:42:27.000 Neil deGrasse Tyson thinks gay is a choice. 0.91
02:42:30.000 What? 0.95
02:42:31.000 No, I'm just kidding.
02:42:31.000 It's because he decided not to.
02:42:33.000 He's clearly gay. 0.99
02:42:35.000 Jesus Christ. 0.99
02:42:36.000 Bro, we're not allowed to talk about sexuality?
02:42:38.000 I don't care. 0.53
02:42:39.000 There's nothing bad about being gay, so I can call people gay. 1.00
02:42:42.000 That makes sense. 0.95
02:42:43.000 Now, you must be a bigot if you think that that's bad.
02:42:46.000 Listen, I'll do better.
02:42:48.000 I'm going to do better.
02:42:49.000 I'm going to do better. 1.00
02:42:50.000 Joe, this is a fucking learning moment. 1.00
02:42:52.000 This is a teaching moment. 1.00
02:42:53.000 Thank you. 1.00
02:42:54.000 If I called Neil deGrasse Tyson a big fucking gay guy... 1.00
02:42:57.000 It's a compliment. 1.00
02:42:58.000 That doesn't matter.
02:43:00.000 What do they think dinosaurs are? 1.00
02:43:01.000 Kneel to ass. 0.99
02:43:03.000 The people that find dinosaur bones. 0.99
02:43:05.000 What do they think they are?
02:43:06.000 Test from God. 1.00
02:43:07.000 They think they're fucking fake bullshit from Jesus. 1.00
02:43:08.000 A misprint from God to sway you off the path. 1.00
02:43:11.000 Big dogs.
02:43:12.000 Yeah.
02:43:12.000 You guys hid that.
02:43:13.000 We hid that shit. 1.00
02:43:14.000 Didn't Bill Hicks have a bit about that? 1.00
02:43:17.000 What about dinosaurs? 0.99
02:43:18.000 Like that God was fucking with us? 0.99
02:43:20.000 Wasn't it? 0.99
02:43:20.000 I think there was a bit like that. 0.99
02:43:21.000 Fact check.
02:43:22.000 Dinosaurs are real. 1.00
02:43:23.000 Son of a bitch. 1.00
02:43:25.000 That's a good fact check. 1.00
02:43:26.000 That's a good fact check.
02:43:27.000 That's a good fact check.
02:43:27.000 That's a good fact check.
02:43:28.000 Oh, journalists, that you wanted to fucking believe in something. 1.00
02:43:30.000 Son of a bitch. 1.00
02:43:30.000 That's a good story you wrote. 1.00
02:43:31.000 Bro, I know people who have been on ranches when they found dinosaur bones. 1.00
02:43:37.000 Come on, that's a big fucking dog. 1.00
02:43:40.000 Why is the rancher Irish? 1.00
02:43:42.000 This dude in Montana.
02:43:45.000 This dude in Montana, they found...
02:43:47.000 Dinosaur hoax. 0.99
02:43:49.000 Sick. 0.98
02:43:49.000 Look at this. 0.98
02:43:50.000 The dinosaur hoax.
02:43:51.000 Dude, that's a horse.
02:43:53.000 Dinosaur hoax.
02:43:55.000 Apparently there was some hoaxing going on by people that were claiming to have found dinosaur bones, but the hoax is not that dinosaur bones are real.
02:44:04.000 Because there's a bunch of shysters throughout history.
02:44:07.000 You said all dinosaur bones are replicas from China.
02:44:10.000 I love it.
02:44:10.000 I love it.
02:44:11.000 I love it.
02:44:13.000 Do you know birds are fake?
02:44:14.000 I believe it.
02:44:15.000 Do you know birds are fake?
02:44:16.000 Do you know the new one?
02:44:17.000 No.
02:44:18.000 Helen Keller wasn't deaf or mute.
02:44:20.000 Oh, wow. 1.00
02:44:20.000 She's just playing dumb. 1.00
02:44:21.000 She's just playing dumb. 1.00
02:44:22.000 I guess so. 1.00
02:44:23.000 That's the new one.
02:44:24.000 Helen Keller's the lie.
02:44:25.000 So is Anne Frank.
02:44:26.000 Anne Frank?
02:44:27.000 No, they don't do that.
02:44:29.000 Oh, there's got to be someone out there that's an Anne Frank non-believer.
02:44:33.000 There's got to be.
02:44:34.000 Let's be Frank.
02:44:35.000 There's got to be an Anne Frank. 0.82
02:44:36.000 There's got to be Jewish propaganda. 0.59
02:44:37.000 Anne Frank is not real.
02:44:38.000 No, there's got to be.
02:44:39.000 Helen Keller really...
02:44:41.000 Oh, it's a TikTok thing.
02:44:42.000 Troubling TikTok conspiracy theory.
02:44:44.000 Questions whether Keller was real.
02:44:46.000 She lived a long life.
02:44:47.000 She was real. 1.00
02:44:49.000 She's hotter than most hookers I've fucked. 1.00
02:44:51.000 Oh, what? 1.00
02:44:52.000 And smarter.
02:44:54.000 Wait, Helen Keller was alive in 54?
02:44:57.000 Wow.
02:44:57.000 Helen Keller didn't hear Elvis?
02:45:02.000 So this is just some wild TikTok shit. 0.99
02:45:04.000 Is that what this is? 1.00
02:45:06.000 She's a terrorist. 0.99
02:45:07.000 What? 0.99
02:45:08.000 She's a terrorist? 1.00
02:45:09.000 Helen Keller is the Nazi guy. 1.00
02:45:11.000 She's a terrorist. 1.00
02:45:12.000 Helen Keller was the blind and deaf person who was fake. 0.98
02:45:16.000 These are the comments that were on the video.
02:45:18.000 These are the comments?
02:45:19.000 Here's a real thing about Helen Keller. 0.97
02:45:20.000 She thought retarded people should be put down.
02:45:24.000 That's not even fake. 0.98
02:45:25.000 Wait, really?
02:45:26.000 How do we even know that she thought that? 1.00
02:45:29.000 That's bullshit. 1.00
02:45:30.000 She thought retarded people were like, an abomination should be put down. 1.00
02:45:33.000 But imagine if Helen Keller's caretaker was someone like you. 0.99
02:45:36.000 Who gets into people's emails and sends fake emails.
02:45:40.000 Helen Keller said that.
02:45:42.000 Why don't you imagine?
02:45:44.000 Some caretaker's like, you guys are heaping all this praise on her, but let me tell you what she thinks about people with Down Syndrome. 0.95
02:45:51.000 She's actually a Nazi. 1.00
02:45:54.000 Then you drugged her and killed Kobe. 1.00
02:45:56.000 She's that Nazi terrorist guy. 1.00
02:45:56.000 She's a Nazi terrorist guy. 1.00
02:45:59.000 She's literally deaf and dumb. 1.00
02:46:01.000 Literally, what is the fucking... 1.00
02:46:03.000 He's going again. 1.00
02:46:04.000 Oh! 0.60
02:46:04.000 Now this one's funnier. 0.60
02:46:06.000 Hey, we're back!
02:46:07.000 That one's funny.
02:46:09.000 That one sounded like you stepped on a frog.
02:46:11.000 Yeah.
02:46:16.000 I should have a toadstool. 0.85
02:46:18.000 Hey! 0.99
02:46:19.000 Toadstool.
02:46:21.000 That's pretty good.
02:46:22.000 Guys, I got a good story for you.
02:46:24.000 Yay! 0.99
02:46:24.000 We got a story! 0.99
02:46:25.000 This is very funny.
02:46:26.000 So I was at Notre Dame, er, Notre Dame Navy this last week in Dublin.
02:46:30.000 You a hunchback?
02:46:31.000 Yeah. 1.00
02:46:31.000 I am a fucking hunchback. 1.00
02:46:33.000 That's why it worked. 1.00
02:46:34.000 You just got back from England?
02:46:35.000 From Ireland?
02:46:36.000 Yeah.
02:46:36.000 Wow.
02:46:39.000 Anyway, the first night we're down there.
02:46:41.000 We did a show Thursday.
02:46:42.000 I brought my father, which was very funny, to see.
02:46:46.000 So this guy comes down.
02:46:47.000 Phil?
02:46:47.000 Phil's down there.
02:46:48.000 We go to this bar with Brady Quinn.
02:46:50.000 He's one of the Notre Dame all-time legends.
02:46:53.000 J-Mo knows him.
02:46:54.000 I know him.
02:46:55.000 J-Mo! 0.97
02:46:55.000 You know Brady Quinn. 0.97
02:46:56.000 He's Dublin, Ohio, boy.
02:46:57.000 Columbus, Ohio.
02:46:57.000 Yeah, let's go.
02:46:58.000 Hell yeah.
02:46:59.000 Buckeye.
02:47:00.000 We're at this bar.
02:47:01.000 We're drinking after the show. 1.00
02:47:02.000 This fucking Irish kid shows up. 1.00
02:47:05.000 He is Conor McGregor. 1.00
02:47:07.000 Skin tight pants, fucking button down, no offense to him, coked out of his mind. 1.00
02:47:14.000 You've never seen someone this high in your life. 1.00
02:47:20.000 So we're sitting there drinking, he swipes all the beers off the corner of the bar, reaches over Brady Quinn's shoulder, and to me, he's like, big fucking fan man! 0.97
02:47:29.000 And I was like, oh, thanks, man. 1.00
02:47:31.000 And Brady Quinn just gave one of these, like, fucking, who the fuck's this guy? 1.00
02:47:35.000 Damn, this guy's crazy. 1.00
02:47:37.000 And when he did that, he bumped him a little. 1.00
02:47:39.000 And the guy immediately was like, you don't fucking bump him. 0.96
02:47:42.000 He started fucking doing his whole UFC thing. 0.98
02:47:45.000 So he's spazzing. 0.99
02:47:46.000 We all have to break it up. 0.99
02:47:47.000 We have to break up this fight for 20 fucking minutes. 0.99
02:47:49.000 Jesus. 0.99
02:47:50.000 I turn around, my father is back there going...
02:47:53.000 With his fist, he's ready to go.
02:47:56.000 He's ready to go. 1.00
02:47:57.000 Phil, what the fuck are you gonna do? 1.00
02:47:59.000 Alright, Phil! 0.99
02:48:00.000 Phil tried to fight him too.
02:48:02.000 Hell yeah! 0.95
02:48:03.000 Phil would have died defending Brady Quinn in Dublin.
02:48:06.000 Oh, he'd be a hero.
02:48:07.000 Vikings death.
02:48:08.000 That is how my dad should go.
02:48:10.000 Totally.
02:48:11.000 I mean, that's legend.
02:48:12.000 Anyway, so we break this fight up.
02:48:14.000 The guy's a fan. 1.00
02:48:15.000 He's like, ah, let's do a fucking Jager bomb. 1.00
02:48:18.000 Let's take it easy, man. 1.00
02:48:19.000 I was like, all right, I'll do a Jager bomb. 0.99
02:48:21.000 We get shitfaced. 1.00
02:48:23.000 This guy's on a coke rant for like 15 minutes of just straight like, ah, fucking nah, nah. 0.99
02:48:29.000 That's Brady Quinn, so you can get it for reference. 0.99
02:48:31.000 He's a hunk.
02:48:32.000 He's the man.
02:48:33.000 He's a handsome dude.
02:48:34.000 This guy's full UFC. He's genuinely an MMA guy.
02:48:37.000 Oh, really?
02:48:37.000 He trains with McGregor.
02:48:39.000 Oh, really?
02:48:40.000 Allegedly.
02:48:40.000 He was on cocaine.
02:48:41.000 He might have been fabricating.
02:48:42.000 Sure.
02:48:43.000 It's Patty Pimbley.
02:48:44.000 But you know how these guys go.
02:48:45.000 He just shadow boxes the whole time. 1.00
02:48:46.000 You're talking to him and he's like, yeah, fucking body shot, body shot, liver, liver, bang, straight to your fucking face. 1.00
02:48:52.000 This guy sounds like a nightmare. 1.00
02:48:53.000 Jesus Christ.
02:48:55.000 And you can't move. 1.00
02:48:57.000 You can't flinch to the body because then you'll literally get punched in the fucking face. 1.00
02:49:01.000 Yeah, yeah. 1.00
02:49:02.000 And then we're like, oh, we're going to get killed. 0.99
02:49:04.000 And he's like, ah, you're a fucking Nate Diaz guy, aren't you? 0.99
02:49:07.000 And I was like, no way. 0.99
02:49:08.000 That's what this is about. 1.00
02:49:09.000 This guy's going to beat my ass in Dublin for being a Nate Diaz guy. 1.00
02:49:13.000 Right. 0.99
02:49:14.000 Anyway, the whole night, the guy leaves, everything's okay.
02:49:17.000 The next night, get done with the shows.
02:49:21.000 Brady's in the green room.
02:49:22.000 We're all hanging out.
02:49:23.000 We're having a good time. 1.00
02:49:24.000 That fucking Irish guy just walks straight into the green room. 1.00
02:49:28.000 What? 1.00
02:49:28.000 Of the theater? 1.00
02:49:29.000 Yeah.
02:49:30.000 What?
02:49:30.000 And Brady Quinn looks at me like, why would you invite this guy?
02:49:34.000 I would not invite this fucking guy. 1.00
02:49:37.000 Oh, no. 1.00
02:49:37.000 He walks in, he's like, fucking crazy. 1.00
02:49:42.000 I was like, dude, this is... 1.00
02:49:43.000 The whole time, he's still shadowboxing, still bothering everybody.
02:49:47.000 In a good way, though.
02:49:48.000 At this point, it's fun.
02:49:50.000 He's bothering everybody.
02:49:51.000 We start walking, we start going to a bar. 1.00
02:49:54.000 He's like, ah, we'll go to this fucking bar. 0.99
02:49:56.000 I'm like, dude, all the bars in Dublin close at midnight. 0.99
02:49:58.000 He's like, nah, this is Dublin. 0.99
02:50:00.000 This isn't fucking gay New York. 0.99
02:50:02.000 The bars stay open. 0.99
02:50:04.000 Every bar we go to is closed. 0.99
02:50:06.000 I'm like, dude, Dublin sucks. 0.99
02:50:08.000 New York rules. 0.98
02:50:10.000 He's like, you know what we don't have in Dublin? 1.00
02:50:12.000 Fucking pronouns. 1.00
02:50:14.000 The next three people that walk by us are gay, interracial couples holding hands. 1.00
02:50:19.000 I was like, that one's gay. 0.97
02:50:21.000 We finally get to a bar. 0.85
02:50:23.000 This guy, by the whole time, all he's been doing is trying to fight everybody.
02:50:27.000 We get to a bar.
02:50:28.000 We start to get to this bar, and he kind of is like, let's go to that bar. 0.99
02:50:31.000 You're a fucking legend at that bar. 0.98
02:50:33.000 Let's go to that one, not this one. 1.00
02:50:35.000 I'm like, let's go.
02:50:36.000 We're going to this one.
02:50:37.000 So we go into the bar.
02:50:38.000 As soon as we start walking in, a bouncer... 0.98
02:50:41.000 Just a bald, fat bouncer walks out and is like, you. 1.00
02:50:46.000 Just beats the shit out of the Irish guy. 1.00
02:50:51.000 This whole time he's been like, I'll fucking knock out anybody. 1.00
02:50:54.000 What? 0.99
02:50:57.000 He must have had a problem.
02:50:59.000 The whole time he was like, let's go to another bar.
02:51:02.000 The second we get to this bar, five bouncers swarm and start wailing. 0.69
02:51:06.000 That's the one he didn't want you to go to.
02:51:08.000 He's like, no, no, we're good here. 0.99
02:51:09.000 Now, this is how cool this fucking guy was. 1.00
02:51:12.000 He gets his ass beat, he's bloody, he's split open. 1.00
02:51:14.000 He gets out of all five of them, runs down the alley, and then turns and looks at all of them and goes... 0.99
02:51:20.000 He squares up and runs off again. 0.99
02:51:22.000 It was like, damn, that guy ruled. 1.00
02:51:25.000 Jesus, he probably does that every weekend. 1.00
02:51:28.000 It's a hell of a drug.
02:51:29.000 Anyway, that was the best guy I've ever met in my life.
02:51:31.000 That was a Dublin.
02:51:32.000 That's hilarious.
02:51:32.000 It was a Dublin.
02:51:33.000 He's like, I fucking run Dublin now. 0.99
02:51:35.000 We're both gonna have some fucking dudes. 0.99
02:51:37.000 You did Vicker Street? 0.99
02:51:39.000 Yeah, that's what I'm doing. 1.00
02:51:40.000 Vicker Street fucking rules. 0.99
02:51:41.000 Great venue. 1.00
02:51:42.000 The Irish crowd is like, they're dickheads. 1.00
02:51:45.000 They yell out the whole time. 1.00
02:51:46.000 They're having a good time, though. 0.99
02:51:47.000 They're fucking funny. 0.98
02:51:48.000 They're funny people. 0.99
02:51:49.000 The whole country's funny. 1.00
02:51:50.000 I met beer on a fucking speaker and it fell off and they go nuts. 1.00
02:51:54.000 Yeah, they go nuts. 1.00
02:51:56.000 All you have to do is hit a fucking up the rah. 1.00
02:51:59.000 Anytime they're giving you an applause break, go up the rah. 0.99
02:52:02.000 What's that mean?
02:52:03.000 Up the IRA. Oh!
02:52:07.000 Wow, you're getting political in another country?
02:52:10.000 Up the rah in Dublin's fun.
02:52:11.000 Up the rah. 0.52
02:52:13.000 Dude, we went to Belfast. 1.00
02:52:15.000 Shout out Danny, you're the fucking man. 0.99
02:52:18.000 Belfast, you know, Northern Ireland for the UFC once, and they had these cars that are covered in like steel plates. 1.00
02:52:26.000 No way.
02:52:26.000 For bombs.
02:52:27.000 Is that the cocktail?
02:52:29.000 I don't know.
02:52:31.000 I don't know what they were doing, like what kind of bombs they were using, but I know that they had armor-plated cars.
02:52:37.000 It was wild to see.
02:52:39.000 It was wild to see.
02:52:40.000 We saw more than one of them.
02:52:41.000 It just shows that anybody will fight anybody, any difference.
02:52:44.000 It's not racial or anything. 1.00
02:52:46.000 It's just like, oh, you're a Protestant, I'm Catholic, we'll kill you. 0.99
02:52:48.000 Well, that was more British then. 1.00
02:52:49.000 Oh.
02:52:50.000 That was British still. 1.00
02:52:52.000 Unite the island.
02:52:52.000 School him, please.
02:52:54.000 Yeah, that was the British. 0.53
02:52:55.000 I thought the Irish hated the Irish.
02:52:57.000 No, no, no.
02:52:59.000 Northern Ireland's still not Ireland.
02:53:01.000 Oh, really?
02:53:02.000 Yeah.
02:53:03.000 Still not, yeah.
02:53:04.000 Yikes.
02:53:04.000 It's Dublin is.
02:53:05.000 Dublin is.
02:53:06.000 Belfast is still UK. Yeah, Dublin's Ireland.
02:53:09.000 Remember the door guy's joke about Ireland? 0.80
02:53:12.000 It was a country where only white Christian Catholics and white Christian Protestants Racism will find a way. 0.79
02:53:24.000 That's what I'm saying. 0.89
02:53:25.000 Nah, it's the British. 0.92
02:53:26.000 It's like the Hutus and the Tutsis. 0.99
02:53:29.000 We'll find a way to find a way.
02:53:30.000 Human beings are always going to find something.
02:53:32.000 Republicans and Democrats.
02:53:33.000 It goes on and on.
02:53:35.000 Non-binary and regular gays.
02:53:37.000 There you go.
02:53:39.000 There's a lot of that going on.
02:53:40.000 Yeah, you're not one of us, you're not like us. 0.98
02:53:42.000 Yeah, a lot of the gay people are like, stop. 1.00
02:53:44.000 We're famous, we're the number one.
02:53:45.000 Like, no, you can't be above us.
02:53:46.000 We're number one.
02:53:47.000 Right.
02:53:48.000 And trans women and real women are fighting. 0.99
02:53:50.000 Or biological women. 1.00
02:53:54.000 Whoops.
02:53:55.000 It's a weird time, kids.
02:53:57.000 It's a weird time.
02:53:58.000 Yeah, but it's kind of fun.
02:53:59.000 Alt comics, if I can, regular real comics are going at it.
02:54:03.000 It's kind of fun.
02:54:03.000 Yeah.
02:54:04.000 The alt comics are dying to laugh.
02:54:06.000 There's no more alt comics.
02:54:07.000 It's not even that.
02:54:08.000 They're done.
02:54:09.000 It's just from the grave.
02:54:12.000 Yeah.
02:54:12.000 Their whole thing was they made fun of doing stand-up.
02:54:15.000 Yeah, now it's like, just do it.
02:54:17.000 You can just do it.
02:54:18.000 Why don't you try to do it?
02:54:19.000 Just try to do it. 0.98
02:54:20.000 It's kind of cowardly.
02:54:21.000 Yeah. 1.00
02:54:21.000 That whole thing of delivering a joke, dumb, on purpose. 1.00
02:54:25.000 Can you believe this thing I'm writing and saying? 0.99
02:54:28.000 Yeah, how about you stand behind it, you queef? 0.72
02:54:30.000 Queef! 1.00
02:54:31.000 It's too hard.
02:54:34.000 It's too hard, and I have too much plastic in my system.
02:54:38.000 They do have small things.
02:54:40.000 They do have small things.
02:54:42.000 It's proven.
02:54:43.000 Old comics have tiny ducks.
02:54:44.000 Plastic, and why isn't everyone masked? 0.99
02:54:46.000 Shit, I'm an old comic. 1.00
02:54:48.000 Put your mask back on, everyone. 1.00
02:54:51.000 Dude, how funny is it?
02:54:52.000 All the writers now and the actors are like, oh, there's a strike.
02:54:55.000 Let me go back to stand-up. 0.99
02:54:56.000 And it's like, bitch, you've taken 15 years off. 1.00
02:54:59.000 Welcome back to the gutter. 1.00
02:55:00.000 You're not this anymore.
02:55:02.000 It's a thing you have to stand up. 1.00
02:55:03.000 Welcome to hell.
02:55:05.000 Oh, it's 18 people on a Tuesday. 1.00
02:55:07.000 Fuck it, enjoy. 1.00
02:55:08.000 Yep, we've been here the whole time. 1.00
02:55:10.000 Yeah, and this is what you have to do, stupid. 1.00
02:55:12.000 Yeah, but best job in the world. 1.00
02:55:15.000 It's the greatest.
02:55:16.000 There's nothing even second best.
02:55:18.000 Yeah, I mean, you see that Norm clip, you're like, I want to be that guy.
02:55:21.000 Well, it's just the most fun thing to do.
02:55:23.000 Because everybody's having fun.
02:55:25.000 You're having fun, they're having fun, we're all having fun together doing shows.
02:55:28.000 Imagine just being an actor and be like, oh, I think this, but I can't say it.
02:55:33.000 Yeah, let me try to find a role that kind of aligns with my views.
02:55:37.000 Yeah.
02:55:37.000 And also, whatever, also Marvel.
02:55:39.000 It feels like a lot of them are starting to crack a little.
02:55:42.000 Yeah, they're starting to crack.
02:55:43.000 Like, go bad and, like, crack.
02:55:45.000 Like, they're in the wrong environment.
02:55:46.000 Meanwhile, going bad is just like, I'm a Republican. 0.98
02:55:51.000 People are like, oh my god, this guy's crazy. 0.65
02:55:53.000 Yeah, I know, right?
02:55:54.000 The goalposts keep moving.
02:55:55.000 They do.
02:55:56.000 Didn't Jennifer Lawrence just do a speech? 1.00
02:55:57.000 Did you see that?
02:55:58.000 Where she said, like, hey, we gotta chill out, this is getting out of hand. 0.99
02:56:01.000 Damn, she's so hot. 1.00
02:56:02.000 She's so hot. 1.00
02:56:03.000 That basically makes her a Nazi. 1.00
02:56:04.000 That's so hot. 1.00
02:56:07.000 Damn, Jennifer Lawrence would be the hottest Nazi. 1.00
02:56:09.000 Can we just chill out? 1.00
02:56:10.000 It's like, get out of here.
02:56:12.000 James Franco could be Hitler.
02:56:14.000 James Franco could be Hitler.
02:56:14.000 James Franco is Hitler?
02:56:15.000 They would have won.
02:56:16.000 Messed up. 0.99
02:56:17.000 Fucking messed up James Franco. 0.99
02:56:18.000 Who's playing Stylin'? 0.98
02:56:19.000 I'd like to see a little Mel Gibson Stylin' action.
02:56:22.000 Yeah, he's halfway there.
02:56:24.000 Give Stylin' a beard. 1.00
02:56:24.000 He could pull it off. 1.00
02:56:25.000 Yeah, sure.
02:56:26.000 He could pull it off.
02:56:27.000 Oh yeah.
02:56:28.000 Come on, bro. 0.89
02:56:29.000 Who'd be gay as Churchill? 0.90
02:56:30.000 Mel Gibson. 1.00
02:56:30.000 Fuck him. 1.00
02:56:32.000 Oh yeah, Eva Braun was kinda hot. 1.00
02:56:34.000 Not kinda, dude.
02:56:35.000 That's a good pick, dude.
02:56:36.000 She looks like a number one guy in the country and you want that. 0.99
02:56:38.000 That picture was good.
02:56:40.000 She's got a filter on. 1.00
02:56:42.000 She had filters way back then. 0.99
02:56:43.000 Eva Braun was fucking made, dude. 0.92
02:56:44.000 Yeah, the one just to the right of that, the one all the way on the right of that? 0.99
02:56:47.000 Nah.
02:56:47.000 That's the one above that, Jamie?
02:57:00.000 That's a weirdo.
02:57:02.000 She's partially elf. 0.98
02:57:03.000 That's when she knew she was gonna die.
02:57:06.000 That's like president years. 1.00
02:57:09.000 Dude, she fucked the number one guy. 1.00
02:57:11.000 Get that one where he's pissed. 1.00
02:57:12.000 That's pretty funny.
02:57:13.000 Like, the end of World War II years has got to be like president years times 100. Look how scared she is. 0.95
02:57:18.000 He just heard bad news.
02:57:20.000 Yeah, she's literally dating Hitler. 0.50
02:57:22.000 I just liked his art.
02:57:25.000 And in the beginning, the parents were probably proud.
02:57:28.000 Oh, leader, huh?
02:57:29.000 Oh, you're dating the leader.
02:57:31.000 Does he have his own sword?
02:57:32.000 Very good.
02:57:33.000 It is weird that they have to have small talk at dinner, like, oh, cold out.
02:57:36.000 Hopefully he will make good decisions for our country.
02:57:40.000 Did you feed the dog?
02:57:41.000 Average, dude. 1.00
02:57:42.000 Hitler sucked dick. 1.00
02:57:44.000 So how was that? 1.00
02:57:46.000 Hot take!
02:57:49.000 He's running trains. 1.00
02:57:50.000 Hitler sucks, dude. 1.00
02:57:52.000 I like how you just take a strong stance. 1.00
02:57:56.000 It's really important.
02:57:56.000 Not just to be funny, but also take a strong stance.
02:57:59.000 Look into Hitler, you're going to find out how big of a fucking tool that guy was. 1.00
02:58:03.000 He only ate vegetables and he farted all the time. 1.00
02:58:05.000 He was a fucking dork, dude. 1.00
02:58:07.000 He got what he had coming. 1.00
02:58:08.000 Another run with farting.
02:58:09.000 And he's a painter. 0.99
02:58:10.000 Yeah, that's about as fucking lame as a good time in society. 1.00
02:58:13.000 Those dudes kill a lot of people like painting. 1.00
02:58:15.000 They do. 0.96
02:58:17.000 Bush really enjoys painting.
02:58:20.000 Oh yeah, Jim Carrey.
02:58:21.000 Yeah, Johnny Depp.
02:58:23.000 Jim Carrey!
02:58:25.000 That's the drip, though. 0.99
02:58:26.000 Hit one of those cool as shit there. 0.99
02:58:27.000 That's a pretty bad outfit. 0.99
02:58:28.000 That's a not bad outfit at all. 0.97
02:58:30.000 That's pretty fucking cool. 1.00
02:58:31.000 That was before the shit hit the fan. 1.00
02:58:34.000 Right now he's just starting to use liquid cocaine intravenously. 1.00
02:58:37.000 He's just starting to plot his future.
02:58:39.000 He was like, some of these Jews are good tailors. 1.00
02:58:41.000 One ball. 0.97
02:58:43.000 One nut.
02:58:44.000 He only had one?
02:58:45.000 Yeah.
02:58:46.000 No way.
02:58:46.000 Kickboxing?
02:58:47.000 Like Duncan.
02:58:48.000 Same birthday!
02:58:49.000 No.
02:58:50.000 Hiller and Duncan.
02:58:51.000 One nut, one nut.
02:58:52.000 Bro.
02:58:53.000 Two nuts.
02:58:54.000 Imagine if Duncan is what Hitler would have been with the right parents and the right upbringing. 0.95
02:58:59.000 The real problem is determinism.
02:59:01.000 It's like when he was born and what time?
02:59:04.000 What happened to him at a young age?
02:59:06.000 If Hitler got way into Burning Man, it's him. 0.99
02:59:08.000 He really did have only one testicle, German researcher claims. 1.00
02:59:11.000 But that's what I would say too once he's dead. 1.00
02:59:12.000 And he only had one nut, that piece of shit! 1.00
02:59:15.000 It was a one-nut wonder. 1.00
02:59:17.000 If Duncan went through World War I, maybe he'd be a little different. 0.99
02:59:21.000 He had an undescended right testicle, it said. 0.99
02:59:24.000 Undescended? 1.00
02:59:25.000 Perfect.
02:59:25.000 It's evolution.
02:59:27.000 Ideally, you'd have both of them in there to protect you from nut shots. 0.97
02:59:30.000 Wow.
02:59:30.000 It would protect you.
02:59:31.000 But you'd overheat.
02:59:32.000 Bring Moncompton to the school. 0.81
02:59:33.000 Someone slapped you in that, ah, my knuckle! 0.99
02:59:36.000 It's about the sperm count. 0.74
02:59:37.000 What is that?
02:59:38.000 The daily storm? 0.69
02:59:39.000 What the hell?
02:59:39.000 How was that?
02:59:40.000 Wow.
02:59:41.000 Bring Mein Kampf back in the schools.
02:59:43.000 We need it.
02:59:43.000 The sack.
02:59:44.000 That's what the article said.
02:59:45.000 It's always surfs.
02:59:46.000 Sound bite. 0.98
02:59:48.000 You know, one of the things they found out with monkeys is that the size of their testicles is directly attributable to how many promiscuous females are in the area. 0.99
02:59:56.000 No. 0.98
02:59:56.000 Interesting. 0.98
02:59:57.000 It grows bigger?
02:59:58.000 They got more jizz.
03:00:00.000 Wow.
03:00:01.000 They're just around? 0.99
03:00:02.000 That sucks. 1.00
03:00:03.000 I got huge balls. 1.00
03:00:04.000 That means my sister's with the sack. 0.99
03:00:05.000 I think that's chimpanzees.
03:00:07.000 Hitler himself believed to have two forms of- what happened?
03:00:10.000 What is it? 0.98
03:00:12.000 Penile condition. 0.98
03:00:13.000 Two forms of genital abnormality. 0.99
03:00:16.000 An undescended testicle and a rare condition called penile hypos... 0.99
03:00:20.000 This is crazy, dude. 0.99
03:00:21.000 ...in which the urethra opens up on the underside of the penis. 1.00
03:00:26.000 Oh, he could come out of his ball sack. 1.00
03:00:28.000 This is my least favorite thing. 1.00
03:00:35.000 He sucked his own dick while he nutted. 1.00
03:00:37.000 I heard he has to shit on himself. 1.00
03:00:39.000 You have to shit on him for him to get hard. 1.00
03:00:41.000 That was the only way he taught us. 1.00
03:00:42.000 He shit in his mouth while he's sucking his own dick. 1.00
03:00:45.000 Wow, what a weirdo. 1.00
03:00:46.000 Epstein weird dick, Harvey weird dick. 1.00
03:00:49.000 I'm seeing a pattern here. 1.00
03:00:50.000 Really brilliant man.
03:00:53.000 You're a Columbo.
03:00:55.000 The worst thing though, for real. 0.56
03:00:57.000 It's like Hitler was bad enough, dude. 1.00
03:00:59.000 We don't have to make up lies about his dick later. 1.00
03:01:02.000 Yeah, let's keep making up lies. 1.00
03:01:04.000 I like it. 1.00
03:01:06.000 He was a fucking midget. 1.00
03:01:07.000 I like that he killed that fucking mustache. 1.00
03:01:10.000 He killed that thing. 1.00
03:01:11.000 And he killed Adolf. 0.88
03:01:12.000 The name Adolf is gone.
03:01:14.000 No, Adolf is still around.
03:01:15.000 Adolf is still around.
03:01:16.000 Adolf is still around.
03:01:18.000 There's a lot of white power strongholds.
03:01:20.000 The mustache was the worst thing he's ever done.
03:01:21.000 Some Adolfs are out there. 0.98
03:01:23.000 Some Adolfs are there. 1.00
03:01:24.000 It's a pretty funny fucking name. 0.99
03:01:26.000 But that mustache is a wrap. 1.00
03:01:28.000 That's a wrap for that stache.
03:01:29.000 You're pretty close.
03:01:30.000 And the other guy, Charlie Chaplin, had the best chance of keeping it going.
03:01:34.000 I know.
03:01:35.000 But he was like, Adolf was too strong.
03:01:37.000 Yeah.
03:01:37.000 But people forgot about Charlie because of the mustache, I think.
03:01:40.000 2010 article.
03:01:42.000 New Jersey couple loses custody of a son named Adolf Hitler.
03:01:45.000 Wait, wait, wait.
03:01:48.000 Article by Barbara Goldberg.
03:01:51.000 Of course Goldberg has a problem with this.
03:01:55.000 Jocelyn Arianation Campbell.
03:01:58.000 These people are wild.
03:02:02.000 These people are the thing.
03:02:05.000 The thing to imagine, no one's really like that, that's actually these people. 0.62
03:02:10.000 They're obviously not smart.
03:02:12.000 Also, test positive for meth right now. 1.00
03:02:15.000 If they're not in jail, you can grab them and fucking get a sample. 0.99
03:02:19.000 100% they're methed out. 0.99
03:02:20.000 Their kids' rooms are decorated with posters with no frames.
03:02:24.000 People will...
03:02:25.000 Oh, I'm not wrong.
03:02:27.000 Unusual decorative features!
03:02:29.000 Including skulls and knives! 0.99
03:02:31.000 Oh, wow.
03:02:33.000 Jesus Christ.
03:02:35.000 Children were strapped to their booster seats for unusually long periods of time amid ongoing domestic violence.
03:02:40.000 Oh, just hit the kid while he's strapped in.
03:02:42.000 Sammy, you stay in here Me and my dad gotta beat on each other for a little bit. 1.00
03:02:47.000 Don't forget Hitler. 0.94
03:02:50.000 Don't forget our son, Adolf Hitler. 0.58
03:02:52.000 That's the real problem with calling everybody you disagree with a Nazi. 1.00
03:02:56.000 Because there's fucking real Nazis. 0.99
03:02:58.000 Those aren't real Nazis. 1.00
03:03:01.000 Those are for real, genuinely...
03:03:02.000 They're LARPers. 0.99
03:03:04.000 They're retarded people. 1.00
03:03:06.000 But they might... 0.99
03:03:07.000 Follow through. 1.00
03:03:07.000 By the retarded Nazis. 1.00
03:03:08.000 It seems they're pretty fucking committed to it, naming their kids after it. 1.00
03:03:12.000 You can't just assume without knowing them that they're not, like, homicidal fucking maniacs, too. 1.00
03:03:17.000 I'll tell you what. 1.00
03:03:17.000 A smart Nazi wouldn't name their kid, hey, we're Nazis. 1.00
03:03:22.000 I'm not saying they're smart, but they might be real. 0.99
03:03:24.000 I think they're retards, but they're not going to do anything. 1.00
03:03:27.000 But they lost their kid. 0.53
03:03:28.000 The government was instantly, everybody in the community was like, uh, no.
03:03:33.000 Yeah.
03:03:33.000 You're obviously a bad parent if you're even trying that.
03:03:36.000 Right. 0.99
03:03:37.000 Well, it's also strapping the kids to the booster seats while they beat the fuck out of each other. 0.96
03:03:43.000 That's a bigger problem than the words. 0.77
03:03:47.000 Yeah, and they didn't take the booster. 0.99
03:03:49.000 Yeah, they've got mental disabilities. 0.98
03:03:52.000 How come everyone's like trans is mentally problematic, but like Nazis, they're like, no, they've made the decision. 0.99
03:03:58.000 Yeah.
03:03:58.000 But who supports that?
03:03:59.000 Who says Nazis made a decision? 0.58
03:04:01.000 Only retards. 1.00
03:04:02.000 Interesting point.
03:04:03.000 Yeah, nobody says that.
03:04:04.000 Interesting point, Jewish man. 0.98
03:04:06.000 Yeah, nobody says that. 0.99
03:04:07.000 Those are just retards. 1.00
03:04:08.000 Nobody's pro-Nazi. 0.99
03:04:09.000 Those are obviously retards. 1.00
03:04:10.000 Not a Nazi. 0.99
03:04:11.000 That's just Kanye mentally suffering. 0.99
03:04:13.000 You're either a Nazi or you're anti-Nazi. 0.97
03:04:15.000 No one's pro-Nazi.
03:04:16.000 That's not a Nazi.
03:04:16.000 For real, if you're a dude today with holding up a swastika, like, on the side of a highway.
03:04:21.000 Yeah, people pull up.
03:04:22.000 You just drive by and go, that's...
03:04:24.000 Get him in the Special Olympics, dude.
03:04:27.000 Yeah. 0.98
03:04:28.000 Or some people will pull over and beat the fuck out of you. 0.99
03:04:31.000 There you go. 1.00
03:04:31.000 But that's just a guy with Tourette's who has the N-word instead of dumb guy. 1.00
03:04:35.000 Yeah. 1.00
03:04:36.000 To beat their ass. 1.00
03:04:37.000 You have to be really awesome and stupid. 1.00
03:04:39.000 They could be really handicapped. 1.00
03:04:42.000 Yeah.
03:04:42.000 That's what they are.
03:04:43.000 For sure.
03:04:43.000 That's what they are to do that.
03:04:44.000 Same with the stolen Valor people.
03:04:46.000 It's all just homeless people.
03:04:47.000 I don't know.
03:04:48.000 I found a green shirt.
03:04:49.000 Well, that's how they enter the Salem Witch Trials. 1.00
03:04:52.000 How?
03:04:52.000 Because these two women just kept calling out everybody, like, they're witches, they're witches, and eventually they were, they're witches, and the people just kept walking.
03:04:59.000 Women ruin everything. 1.00
03:05:02.000 Even ruin the Salem witchcraft. 0.93
03:05:03.000 Even the greatest moment of our history.
03:05:05.000 That was pretty sick, dude.
03:05:06.000 You gotta ignore it. 1.00
03:05:07.000 Can you imagine how nice it would be to fuck a chick and be like, nah, fucking kill her. 1.00
03:05:11.000 Yeah. 1.00
03:05:11.000 I don't want that secret getting out, blame that lady. 1.00
03:05:15.000 Jesus Christ.
03:05:16.000 Oh, jeez.
03:05:17.000 Dude, that girl blew me so well. 1.00
03:05:19.000 She's a witch. 1.00
03:05:21.000 You know what the cause of that stuff was, right? 0.98
03:05:23.000 What? 1.00
03:05:23.000 Yeah, the fucking grain. 1.00
03:05:25.000 Ergot. 1.00
03:05:26.000 Yeah.
03:05:26.000 What?
03:05:27.000 Yeah.
03:05:27.000 What does that mean?
03:05:28.000 There's an early frost.
03:05:30.000 There was an early frost, and sometimes when they have an early frost, they'll have high concentrations of ergot, which is a psychedelic chemical.
03:05:38.000 So these people were essentially...
03:05:40.000 Eating tainted grain, tainted beers.
03:05:43.000 There's stuff had ergot poisoning.
03:05:45.000 And ergot poisoning can kill you, but it can also make you trip balls.
03:05:48.000 So it's very similar, apparently, to LSD. So these people were drinking beer and eating bread.
03:05:55.000 And getting fucked up, taking some soup, and then your wife flies out the window. 0.99
03:05:58.000 And you're like, wow! 0.99
03:06:00.000 And you don't know what's going on.
03:06:01.000 You think witches are real.
03:06:02.000 Yes, I love it.
03:06:04.000 Can we replace Stone Ape Theory that we've heard for 20 years with this new fact?
03:06:08.000 It's the same thing.
03:06:10.000 It's the same exact thing.
03:06:11.000 I love it.
03:06:11.000 It's real similar because this is like, you know, when I was in Greece recently, I told you about this, right?
03:06:17.000 We went to a couple different places.
03:06:19.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
03:06:20.000 We went to...
03:06:22.000 Necropolis?
03:06:22.000 Yeah, and the site of the Eleusinian Mysteries.
03:06:25.000 That was the wildest one.
03:06:26.000 That's where they were doing these psychedelics.
03:06:28.000 And this is what Brian Murrow Rescu's book, The Immortality Key, is about.
03:06:31.000 So we go to this place where they invented democracy.
03:06:34.000 They invented everything. 0.74
03:06:35.000 And they did it, most likely, while they were tripping balls.
03:06:39.000 It's just very funny to admit or invent democracy.
03:06:42.000 Be like, look, maybe everybody in this room should decide what we do. 0.98
03:06:46.000 Maybe we can have a fucking system where everyone gets an equal say. 0.97
03:06:50.000 What if there's five of us here? 0.99
03:06:51.000 One?
03:06:53.000 Fifth. 0.99
03:06:53.000 Well, how does that exist without tripping balls? 0.99
03:06:56.000 Yeah, without tripping balls. 0.99
03:06:57.000 Like, wait, but I own land. 0.97
03:06:58.000 Like, I know, I know, I know. 0.99
03:06:59.000 And Joe's like, but yeah, I could kick you guys. 0.97
03:07:02.000 Like, alright, I guess you decide. 0.96
03:07:04.000 That's how it was done forever. 0.99
03:07:06.000 Until these guys started tripping balls. 0.98
03:07:07.000 And no one who's not tripping balls is going to come up with a system like that. 0.99
03:07:10.000 And that's our number one problem with politicians today is no one trips balls. 0.96
03:07:15.000 No one's tripped!
03:07:15.000 None of these people are trippers.
03:07:17.000 None of these people are trippers, so none of these people have this idea.
03:07:20.000 Biden trips.
03:07:22.000 It's more like a stumble in a face plant. 1.00
03:07:27.000 Joe, you should get every presidential candidate in here and trip fucking balls. 1.00
03:07:32.000 Oh, that would be big. 1.00
03:07:33.000 Lock the doors.
03:07:35.000 Who would you like to do mushrooms with the most?
03:07:39.000 Well, Trump would be interesting.
03:07:41.000 I don't want to watch anybody.
03:07:42.000 Yeah, but if you were going to do mushrooms, like do a breakthrough dose, a giant dose with one president, who would it be?
03:07:49.000 Lincoln.
03:07:51.000 Lincoln?
03:07:51.000 Yeah, but alive.
03:07:52.000 Like someone who exists right now.
03:07:54.000 Like you could actually make it happen.
03:07:55.000 I'd like to talk to Bill about what he did.
03:07:57.000 Yeah, Bill would be good.
03:07:59.000 Bill would be cool.
03:08:00.000 He'd make demons living in my head.
03:08:03.000 Don't you turn it with him?
03:08:04.000 Bill might be cool.
03:08:04.000 He might hit you with some knowledge.
03:08:06.000 I would do Obama.
03:08:07.000 Because I think W, you'd cry.
03:08:09.000 Both of you would cry. 1.00
03:08:10.000 W would break down and go, holy shit, I killed a million people. 1.00
03:08:11.000 W would start thinking about the Iraq war. 1.00
03:08:13.000 He would see the bodies.
03:08:15.000 100%.
03:08:16.000 If you tripped, they would be marching to a Pink Floyd song.
03:08:19.000 We don't need no education.
03:08:26.000 Mushrooms will take you on. 0.99
03:08:28.000 If you've got some secret like that in the back of your head, you are just trying to paint fucking pictures of a dog, and meanwhile your administration was responsible for How many unnecessary deaths? 1.00
03:08:40.000 How many? 0.99
03:08:41.000 What's the number?
03:08:42.000 Get Obama. 1.00
03:08:43.000 You know what haunting that shit must be? 1.00
03:08:45.000 Haunting. 1.00
03:08:45.000 Should've just been with the Rangers. 1.00
03:08:47.000 If you're Obama and you go like, hey man, so when you had this plan going in and then like what you did going out, did that like bug you at all? 0.98
03:08:54.000 And are you gay? 0.96
03:08:56.000 But yeah, he'd be like, yeah man. 1.00
03:08:58.000 Yeah, I had to shut up a lot of shit. 1.00
03:09:01.000 I don't think he was that good of a guy. 1.00
03:09:03.000 That's part of being president.
03:09:05.000 I think he was in on it from day one, brother.
03:09:06.000 He was like, I'll do whatever. 0.76
03:09:07.000 Hated gay marriage. 0.99
03:09:08.000 Most drone strikes, let's go.
03:09:09.000 I think he's a very smart guy, and I think the only way to be successful as a president is you have to run that game the way everybody runs that game.
03:09:16.000 It's like, it ain't about who dies overseas.
03:09:18.000 You try bucking the trend, you get the Trump treatment, so you get that old Trump treatment. 0.93
03:09:24.000 It's also crooked. 0.79
03:09:25.000 For sure.
03:09:26.000 That's part of the beauty of this all.
03:09:29.000 What did you say about my president? 0.99
03:09:31.000 Dude, Bob Dylan's thinking about the same shit that's happening now. 0.98
03:09:34.000 Oh, I blocked that. 0.99
03:09:35.000 That's true.
03:09:36.000 There's crooked and there's legal crooked.
03:09:39.000 Right, exactly.
03:09:39.000 There's a lot of legal crooked.
03:09:41.000 But they're like, there's an incriminate crime.
03:09:43.000 We can't prosecute them.
03:09:44.000 Loopholes.
03:09:45.000 There's a lot of legal crooked.
03:09:47.000 We're all aware. 1.00
03:09:48.000 Like, Congress fucking insider trading. 1.00
03:09:50.000 Yeah. 1.00
03:09:50.000 It's legal crooked. 1.00
03:09:51.000 You can't charge them for it because it's not illegal, but Jesus Christ, what are you doing? 0.99
03:09:55.000 And they're the ones controlling whether it's illegal, and it's like, oh, fuck. 0.99
03:09:58.000 They also burn stock when they know that they're going to pass decisions. 1.00
03:10:01.000 It's all crazy.
03:10:03.000 Pelosi's all over it.
03:10:04.000 They don't get why anybody votes. 1.00
03:10:05.000 It's a fucking crooked system you're entering into. 1.00
03:10:07.000 They put... 1.00
03:10:09.000 Why even bother?
03:10:10.000 Lesser of two evils, I guess.
03:10:12.000 It's all people they're giving you. 1.00
03:10:13.000 They're both fucked. 1.00
03:10:14.000 It's like, just live their life. 1.00
03:10:16.000 Get a new system.
03:10:17.000 I don't want Trump to win just because I don't want to talk about Trump for the next four years and have people complain.
03:10:22.000 He likes Biden better because I don't have to talk about it as much.
03:10:25.000 Yeah, I don't want to talk about politics.
03:10:27.000 That's a good point.
03:10:28.000 Bro, they put Martha Stewart in jail for what?
03:10:31.000 What did she do? 0.80
03:10:31.000 Insider. 0.80
03:10:32.000 What did she do? 0.80
03:10:34.000 She knew about something and she goes, I'm investing anyway.
03:10:39.000 Is that what it is?
03:10:40.000 So she made money? 1.00
03:10:41.000 After you signed your Spotify deal, on every podcast, I was like, yeah, he told me he was going to sign it, so I invested most of my money in it.
03:10:48.000 People were like, that's what I'm saying! 0.99
03:10:50.000 If you think I even know who to call to invest, you're crazy. 0.99
03:10:54.000 That's hilarious. 0.92
03:10:54.000 But that's what's great about America. 0.92
03:10:56.000 Obama, two terms, he has a Spotify podcast, cancelled.
03:11:00.000 Hey, this is a good question.
03:11:02.000 Would it have been insider trading if I bought Spotify stock?
03:11:05.000 Me?
03:11:06.000 Of course. 1.00
03:11:06.000 That's Pete Rose shit. 1.00
03:11:08.000 Because you have an idea why it would. 1.00
03:11:10.000 Yeah, for sure.
03:11:11.000 It seems cocky.
03:11:14.000 One of the founders of the company, Dr. Samuel Waxall, was arrested for advising friends and family members to sell the stock the other way before the FDA made the announcement and the stock price dropped in price.
03:11:26.000 Yeah, but wait, hold on.
03:11:26.000 Why would it be weird for you or illegal for you to say, oh, I'm about to join this company.
03:11:31.000 Let me buy a bunch.
03:11:32.000 I believe in it.
03:11:33.000 It's not a guarantee the stock will go up.
03:11:35.000 Exactly.
03:11:36.000 That's just insider knowledge.
03:11:38.000 Right.
03:11:38.000 It could have gone down.
03:11:40.000 Yeah, it could have been like, fuck that dude. 1.00
03:11:41.000 I'm not using Spotify anymore. 0.98
03:11:43.000 It's obvious in retrospect, but by the time, there was no guarantee that would go up.
03:11:46.000 No.
03:11:48.000 True.
03:11:48.000 And no one expected it to do better than it did on the other platforms.
03:11:53.000 Yeah, people were like, hey, that's a bad idea.
03:11:55.000 A lot of people were like, this is a bad idea.
03:11:57.000 It ended up being way better, but it wasn't a guaranteed thing.
03:11:59.000 So why would it be illegal for you to go, I'm going to...
03:12:02.000 Invest a bunch of my money in this company.
03:12:04.000 I bet it's super slippery.
03:12:06.000 But I bet it's super slippery.
03:12:08.000 Well I made over 7.2 million dollars investing in that.
03:12:12.000 I stay away from all that stuff.
03:12:17.000 I do too.
03:12:17.000 When people ask me to invest in things, I'm like, uh-uh.
03:12:20.000 You don't even have to do anything.
03:12:22.000 Like, oh, but I do.
03:12:23.000 Because then I'd have to think about it.
03:12:25.000 Just deal with it.
03:12:26.000 I am not interested in thinking about anything other than the things I enjoy.
03:12:31.000 I don't like any sort of structure like that, where you're just constantly thinking about a bunch of different businesses. 0.97
03:12:37.000 You just want a better dick joke.
03:12:38.000 Crypto seems like a lot of thought. 0.86
03:12:39.000 During the investigations of ImClone, authorities discovered that Martha Stewart had sold 4,000 shares of ImClone stock she owned the day before the FDA decision was announced, avoiding a loss of around $45,000. 1.00
03:12:54.000 Why don't you just charge her $45,000, you fucking cunts. 1.00
03:12:57.000 Yeah, there you go. 1.00
03:12:57.000 Why you got to put her in jail, you fucking assholes? 1.00
03:13:00.000 And meanwhile, how much money did fucking Congress make insider trading and you put poor old Martha Stewart away for 45 grand? 1.00
03:13:09.000 We're talking double standards? 0.99
03:13:10.000 Bro, we're talking insider trading. 1.00
03:13:12.000 We're talking crooked legal shit. 1.00
03:13:15.000 We're done for. 1.00
03:13:16.000 She went to jail, but now she's back and doing shit with Snoop Dogg. 1.00
03:13:19.000 She ended up having to pay $195,000 as a person. 0.99
03:13:21.000 Penalty.
03:13:22.000 Wow.
03:13:22.000 For 45 grand.
03:13:24.000 What a badass.
03:13:25.000 She took it like a man.
03:13:26.000 Just went and did her time.
03:13:27.000 45 grand?
03:13:28.000 But really, if it's only 45 grand, you're really supposed to just take that hit on the stock market.
03:13:33.000 Right. 0.99
03:13:33.000 There's some weird shit like that. 0.99
03:13:35.000 Yeah. 0.99
03:13:35.000 Like, 45 grand to Martha Stewart, that's a wealthy lady. 0.99
03:13:38.000 I'm sure she doesn't give a fuck about the 45 grand. 0.97
03:13:41.000 That means literally nothing to her. 0.98
03:13:41.000 She's fine. 0.98
03:13:42.000 So, maybe, was it her, it had to be her call.
03:13:45.000 Yeah, well, this is why somebody went in with a hammer at a Pelosi's house.
03:13:49.000 True. 0.97
03:13:51.000 No, no, no, that guy was insane. 0.77
03:13:52.000 I think that was just a crack. 1.00
03:13:53.000 That dude's an insane guy.
03:13:54.000 Did you ever watch the video? 0.87
03:13:55.000 I did, it was wild.
03:13:56.000 It's pretty scary.
03:13:58.000 Very scary.
03:13:58.000 Yeah, ball peen hammer.
03:13:59.000 I thought it was a gay hooker at first. 1.00
03:14:03.000 So did I, because Paul's gay. 1.00
03:14:05.000 But Paul... 1.00
03:14:06.000 Oh, that's the fucking 4chan influence. 0.99
03:14:08.000 Paul held his own. 0.99
03:14:09.000 He was like, no, everything's good, fellas.
03:14:11.000 Yeah, but he kept his drink. 1.00
03:14:12.000 That's where he fucked up. 1.00
03:14:13.000 You gotta go two hands on the hammer. 1.00
03:14:16.000 Sense resistance, two hands on the hammer.
03:14:18.000 But that's a real alcoholic.
03:14:20.000 No, he was just trying to like, hey, everything's good.
03:14:22.000 Nobody spaz.
03:14:23.000 Everybody relax.
03:14:25.000 That guy's eyes looked crazy.
03:14:28.000 The guy with the hammer? 0.96
03:14:29.000 That guy looked crazy.
03:14:31.000 You gotta go two hands on the hammer. 1.00
03:14:34.000 If that guy hits you in the head with a hammer... 0.95
03:14:36.000 Paul's got no shot there. 1.00
03:14:37.000 He's old as shit. 1.00
03:14:38.000 Yeah, but that guy wasn't in any good shape either. 1.00
03:14:40.000 It was a tactical mistake.
03:14:41.000 But he was hopped up.
03:14:42.000 To not go straight at the hammer.
03:14:43.000 Two hands on the hammer, even if it's someone who's weaker than you.
03:14:45.000 Look at that big dog.
03:14:47.000 Look at that guy.
03:14:48.000 He's just struggling with him immediately if the cops jump in and separate it.
03:14:51.000 Just like grab it with both hands. 0.97
03:14:52.000 The cops were like, yo, what the fuck is his hand on? 0.96
03:14:54.000 What's his other hand on? 0.99
03:14:55.000 A drink.
03:14:56.000 Cocktail. 1.00
03:14:57.000 Damn, that guy fucking rules. 1.00
03:14:59.000 Imagine being lit out of your fucking mind and just enjoying a Netflix show. 1.00
03:15:04.000 Just laughing. 1.00
03:15:05.000 You know what?
03:15:06.000 I'm going to have a Padron tonight. 0.92
03:15:07.000 What a nut. 0.85
03:15:08.000 Dude, he was snoring hard when he got hit. 0.93
03:15:11.000 Oh yeah.
03:15:11.000 How many of you guys have seen people get knocked out and snore?
03:15:15.000 It's a weird sound that they make.
03:15:17.000 And to see it from a guy that old is really scary. 1.00
03:15:20.000 That's an old man that got hit in the head with a fucking hammer. 0.99
03:15:24.000 Oh, he's never been the same. 1.00
03:15:25.000 He'll never be.
03:15:26.000 I mean, I haven't seen him since.
03:15:27.000 I don't know.
03:15:28.000 I mean, maybe he's okay.
03:15:29.000 I saw my mom get knocked out like that. 0.92
03:15:31.000 What?
03:15:33.000 Jesus. 1.00
03:15:34.000 She was snoring and I was like, oh shit, she's dead. 1.00
03:15:36.000 What happened? 1.00
03:15:37.000 She fell down the steps. 1.00
03:15:39.000 Holy shit! 1.00
03:15:41.000 Drinking? 1.00
03:15:41.000 Yeah, a couple of cocktails. 1.00
03:15:43.000 Hey, what happens?
03:15:44.000 Thanksgiving will get you.
03:15:46.000 How many times have you seen people fall and faceplant on Instagram?
03:15:49.000 She, dude, from the top of the steps fell, and there's a wall at the foot of the steps, and her head hit the wall. 0.83
03:15:56.000 Oh my god.
03:15:57.000 How are you?
03:15:57.000 Have you pushed her?
03:15:58.000 Thank you, leader.
03:15:59.000 No, no.
03:16:00.000 She was eating some Oreos and drinking some red wine.
03:16:03.000 That'll do it.
03:16:04.000 So her mouth was purple.
03:16:06.000 And me and my sister were there.
03:16:08.000 And my sister looked at me and was like, you gotta give her mouth to mouth. 0.91
03:16:11.000 And I was like...
03:16:13.000 You gotta give her mouth to her. 1.00
03:16:15.000 There was just one moment where I looked at her mouth and she was like...
03:16:19.000 That's a lot of Oreo crumbs.
03:16:20.000 I was like, for real, somebody else is doing that.
03:16:23.000 I was like, my mother's life, I thought for real, I thought she was dying and I was still like...
03:16:28.000 No way.
03:16:28.000 No chance of doing that.
03:16:30.000 Wow.
03:16:31.000 I'll tell you, speaking of not, I made a lot of money on O'Malley.
03:16:34.000 Yeah, hell yeah. 0.99
03:16:35.000 What the fuck does that have to do with my mom? 0.99
03:16:37.000 Jesus Christ, what does that have to do with his mom? 0.99
03:16:40.000 I feel weird making fun of her.
03:16:43.000 No, it's funny.
03:16:44.000 She's alright.
03:16:45.000 She's cool now.
03:16:46.000 She's good.
03:16:46.000 She's gonna be mad about me saying this on this podcast.
03:16:52.000 We had a fun night.
03:16:54.000 Oh, you wanna know the funniest part?
03:16:56.000 We called an ambulance.
03:16:58.000 Yeah. 1.00
03:16:59.000 Because we were like, oh shit, mom's dead. 0.99
03:17:00.000 I was the only one keeping my composure. 0.99
03:17:02.000 My dad was upstairs.
03:17:03.000 He didn't see it.
03:17:04.000 So my sister was like, mom's dead!
03:17:06.000 And he was like, what?
03:17:07.000 Oh no!
03:17:09.000 It was kind of sad to hear my father, like, that horse, you know what I mean?
03:17:12.000 Yeah.
03:17:14.000 And he called an ambulance.
03:17:16.000 The ambulance came, and she had already woken up by then.
03:17:19.000 And everyone was surrounding her, like, you alright?
03:17:22.000 And she was like, yeah, I'm fine. 0.99
03:17:22.000 My fucking hand hurts, though. 0.99
03:17:24.000 Right? 0.99
03:17:24.000 My hand was shattered. 0.99
03:17:26.000 In the fall, it was like...
03:17:28.000 She's like, I'm just really embarrassed you guys are here, but my hand hurts.
03:17:32.000 I was like, oh!
03:17:34.000 Even the EMT was like, Jesus Christ!
03:17:36.000 That's her Oreo-eating hand. 0.67
03:17:37.000 Yeah, she was going for an Oreo and fell down the steps. 0.60
03:17:41.000 She got that Oreo, though.
03:17:42.000 She did get that Oreo.
03:17:43.000 Hell yeah.
03:17:44.000 Shout out, Barb. 1.00
03:17:45.000 Did you guys see Rose Namajunas' broken finger from her last fight?
03:17:49.000 No. 0.99
03:17:49.000 Did you see that guy's leg fucking go? 0.99
03:17:52.000 Yeah, I did see that guy's leg go. 0.99
03:17:53.000 I've seen two different guys' legs go this week.
03:17:55.000 Pull it up, JMO! One Russian guy and one another guy. 1.00
03:17:58.000 His MMA debut.
03:18:01.000 Wow.
03:18:02.000 Debut!
03:18:03.000 It's a freak accident.
03:18:04.000 A freak accident.
03:18:04.000 His leg got destroyed.
03:18:06.000 Really?
03:18:07.000 Yeah.
03:18:08.000 It just fell backwards.
03:18:09.000 Oh, I can't watch this.
03:18:11.000 You showed me the plane.
03:18:13.000 It's horrible.
03:18:14.000 I don't want to watch it.
03:18:15.000 No, it was worse than the steal.
03:18:17.000 It was worse than the steal.
03:18:18.000 His leg exploded.
03:18:19.000 No, don't show it, Jamie. 0.97
03:18:21.000 Oh, goddammit. 0.56
03:18:22.000 I can't. 0.94
03:18:22.000 Come on, Jamie. 0.94
03:18:22.000 This is rude. 0.94
03:18:23.000 Jamie, show him the Louisville basketball player's femur shot during the takedown.
03:18:27.000 Oh! 0.60
03:18:29.000 It went under him.
03:18:30.000 It just blew apart.
03:18:33.000 It blew apart.
03:18:34.000 Hey, you know what everybody sleeps on now?
03:18:36.000 Joe Theismann.
03:18:38.000 The original of this.
03:18:40.000 Shout out Notre Dame. 0.99
03:18:41.000 That's right.
03:18:42.000 That's right.
03:18:43.000 That was the original one of these.
03:18:44.000 Yeah.
03:18:45.000 He's...
03:18:45.000 This.
03:18:47.000 Oh, Jesus.
03:18:48.000 This is the first real leg break in the wrong place.
03:18:52.000 Lawrence Taylor, shout out.
03:18:54.000 Flea flicker action.
03:18:56.000 No, no, you gotta show the close-up.
03:18:57.000 They ran a flea flicker, that's funny. 0.98
03:18:59.000 Lawrence Taylor called in fucking an airlift. 0.99
03:19:05.000 Oh, here we go. 1.00
03:19:09.000 Oh! 0.60
03:19:10.000 Shout out Jamie Freezeframe!
03:19:12.000 Wow!
03:19:13.000 God almighty!
03:19:15.000 That snapped!
03:19:17.000 You know what's funny?
03:19:18.000 You didn't pronounce his name like Theismann.
03:19:20.000 They changed it at no name so he could win the Heismann.
03:19:22.000 Yeah, he was Theismann.
03:19:24.000 Joe Theismann.
03:19:25.000 Oh my god, that's so slippery.
03:19:25.000 And then he didn't win the Heismann.
03:19:27.000 He didn't win it? 1.00
03:19:28.000 He broke his fucking leg like an idiot. 1.00
03:19:30.000 Oh, look at that! 1.00
03:19:30.000 So did he come back from that? 1.00
03:19:32.000 And how long did it take?
03:19:33.000 No, he was done for it.
03:19:34.000 He was done.
03:19:34.000 That was it?
03:19:35.000 Yeah.
03:19:35.000 Did he come back at all?
03:19:37.000 No.
03:19:37.000 He was just like, he walks now.
03:19:39.000 What's that famous one?
03:19:40.000 No UFC fighter other than Anderson Silva's had multiple fights with having that surgery and been successful.
03:19:48.000 And Anderson wasn't really...
03:19:49.000 How was Conor?
03:19:50.000 He won one fight after that.
03:19:51.000 Conor will be alright, right?
03:19:53.000 We don't know.
03:19:53.000 We don't know until he fights.
03:19:55.000 Like Chris Weidman, there was a lot of hope for Chris Weidman, but he looked like he was having troubles.
03:19:59.000 You know, it's hard to say. 0.99
03:20:01.000 It's hard to say how much effort was Brad Tavares, who's a bad motherfucker. 1.00
03:20:05.000 Damn, that's a hunk. 0.99
03:20:06.000 85, Theismann suffered a compound fracture of the tibia and the fibula in his right leg when he was sacked by Lyme. 0.99
03:20:13.000 Career-ending injury.
03:20:14.000 So that's it.
03:20:15.000 That was it.
03:20:15.000 Ouch.
03:20:16.000 What's he doing now?
03:20:17.000 Shout out to WTEM. I think it's a real hard one to break and come back from.
03:20:24.000 Tyrone Spong broke it in a kickboxing match against Gokhan Saki.
03:20:27.000 It's another rough one.
03:20:28.000 I bet you still sort of feel it every time you plant.
03:20:31.000 You're joking, right?
03:20:33.000 That's a great one.
03:20:39.000 He kicks him, right? 0.81
03:20:41.000 Yeah, he kicks him, and his legs snap in half.
03:20:43.000 That's a famous one.
03:20:44.000 And he's come back, and he's done some boxing, and I think he did one MMA fight, but I don't know how many kicks he threw.
03:20:50.000 He got taken down a bunch.
03:20:51.000 There's also an NBA one that's pretty wild.
03:20:54.000 Well, it's like...
03:20:55.000 It's just, I think that leg bone down there is just real vulnerable, man.
03:21:01.000 Yeah.
03:21:01.000 And when they put it back together again, I don't think it's ever quite the same.
03:21:05.000 Here we go.
03:21:06.000 Oh no. 1.00
03:21:07.000 Don't make me fucking keep seeing these! 0.99
03:21:11.000 How does that happen? 0.99
03:21:11.000 Kevin Ware, right? 0.99
03:21:13.000 Jesus Christ.
03:21:14.000 Did he ever come back?
03:21:15.000 I can't do it.
03:21:16.000 He did come back.
03:21:17.000 He came back!
03:21:18.000 Oh, nobody even hit him!
03:21:19.000 Oh my god, he just fell back. 1.00
03:21:21.000 What a fucking loser! 1.00
03:21:22.000 That makes you just want to lay down for the rest of your life. 1.00
03:21:25.000 Isn't that so crazy, like, how weird your body's so vulnerable?
03:21:28.000 A basic, like, no chance block! 1.00
03:21:30.000 Normal shit. 1.00
03:21:31.000 He's probably done that a hundred thousand times. 1.00
03:21:33.000 Yeah!
03:21:34.000 No, don't keep doing this, Jamie.
03:21:36.000 Jamie, please.
03:21:37.000 Jamie, have some respect for humanity.
03:21:39.000 Oh my god, dude. 0.98
03:21:41.000 Wow, what a lizard.
03:21:42.000 I cracked my little one.
03:21:43.000 Not the tibia, but the fibula.
03:21:45.000 I cracked that one once.
03:21:46.000 How so? 0.80
03:21:47.000 I got kicked.
03:21:47.000 I got kicked with a heel that dug right into that thing, and I had a hairline fracture of it.
03:21:52.000 It lasted for a while.
03:21:54.000 And I fought in a tournament with it.
03:21:55.000 I put soccer pads on it.
03:21:57.000 Those hard soccer pads.
03:21:59.000 I put those over and taped it on.
03:22:01.000 Yikes.
03:22:02.000 I was at the first Anderson one.
03:22:03.000 It didn't make sense.
03:22:05.000 It was horrible. 0.99
03:22:06.000 The Anderson, he wraps around like a wet sock. 0.98
03:22:08.000 Oh, yeah. 0.77
03:22:10.000 And you're like, what?
03:22:11.000 The crazy thing is, Anderson did that.
03:22:14.000 It happened to Anderson on Chris Weidman.
03:22:17.000 And then Chris Weidman did it on Uriah Hall.
03:22:20.000 It's such a rare injury.
03:22:22.000 And for one guy to be involved in two of those in his whole career, it's kind of nuts.
03:22:27.000 It's kind of like the Lincoln...
03:22:31.000 JFK was shot in the Lincoln, but Lincoln was shot at Kennedy Theater.
03:22:37.000 Hold on.
03:22:38.000 Ford Theater. 1.00
03:22:40.000 Kennedy drove a Ford, and Ford fucked Lincoln, who killed... 0.98
03:22:49.000 I thought if anybody was gonna have a real good shot at coming back, it was gonna be Weidman. 1.00
03:22:54.000 Because you're such an animal. 0.99
03:22:55.000 You're such an animal. 0.99
03:22:56.000 If anybody figures it out, it might be Weidman. 0.96
03:22:59.000 It wasn't his speed also. 0.99
03:23:01.000 Tavares is fucking good. 0.98
03:23:04.000 You keep going, put your headphones on. 0.98
03:23:05.000 Oh yeah, you're going to want headphones for that.
03:23:08.000 They had an assistant named Kennedy, they had an assistant named Lincoln.
03:23:12.000 It was all types of...
03:23:13.000 But he was in a Lincoln when he got shot.
03:23:15.000 Hold on! 0.98
03:23:16.000 They're not all accurate. 0.99
03:23:18.000 Some of it's bullshit? 1.00
03:23:20.000 Ah, fuck. 1.00
03:23:21.000 Of course it is. 1.00
03:23:22.000 Damn it. 0.99
03:23:22.000 That was back before the internet. 0.99
03:23:24.000 But the CIA didn't kill Lincoln.
03:23:26.000 Because he wouldn't go to Vietnam. 0.99
03:23:29.000 Hey, what's the greatest bullshit story before the internet? 1.00
03:23:33.000 Ooh, probably the gerbil. 1.00
03:23:34.000 We know it.
03:23:35.000 The gerbil. 1.00
03:23:36.000 Gerbil in the ass. 1.00
03:23:37.000 That one's amazing. 1.00
03:23:38.000 What's his name? 0.99
03:23:39.000 Rod Stewart with the pine of cum. 0.99
03:23:41.000 Bon Jovi.
03:23:41.000 No, that one wasn't all the same person.
03:23:44.000 I like that one, but I don't know if I drove you on that.
03:23:46.000 Lil' Kim had to get on that. 1.00
03:23:46.000 Yeah, Lil' Kim, that. 1.00
03:23:48.000 Because there was too much cum. 0.90
03:23:49.000 I remember that. 0.78
03:23:49.000 Everyone knew Richard Gere in the gerbil. 0.78
03:23:52.000 He must hate that.
03:23:53.000 He must get that all day long.
03:23:54.000 He's like, how did they find out?
03:23:57.000 I'm so glad people are still talking about me.
03:23:59.000 Fame is fame. 0.99
03:24:00.000 I was the number one gerbil fucker. 1.00
03:24:02.000 Why don't you go fuck a gerbil? 1.00
03:24:04.000 What's the primary source of that? 1.00
03:24:07.000 Because I had heard that, like...
03:24:08.000 The funniest kid in your middle school?
03:24:10.000 Did he used to be a Scientologist?
03:24:12.000 Yeah, and when he went out, they're like, we'll expose you.
03:24:14.000 Oh, that's what it is.
03:24:16.000 That's one theory.
03:24:17.000 But is that real? 1.00
03:24:19.000 In Scientology, you've got to reveal all your darker shit. 0.99
03:24:21.000 Okay, we know that, but was Richard Gere a Scientologist? 0.99
03:24:23.000 Yeah, but even if he did the Buddhist movie, and he became a Buddhist, and right after that, it came out.
03:24:29.000 So that's what they say.
03:24:32.000 Interesting.
03:24:32.000 So wait, do you think he actually shoved a germ up in that?
03:24:34.000 Yes.
03:24:35.000 What?
03:24:36.000 Ari's taking this to a whole new level. 1.00
03:24:38.000 According to that theory, he's like, let me tell you everything I've done.
03:24:40.000 I thought they made it up to smear him because he left.
03:24:44.000 No, no, no, no. 1.00
03:24:44.000 Exposing is real shit. 1.00
03:24:46.000 It'd be like if you were like, I actually did get the vaccine. 1.00
03:24:49.000 Can you imagine if that's nothing?
03:24:51.000 Can you imagine if that's what you were into?
03:24:53.000 Joe Rogan got the vaccine.
03:24:54.000 Joe Rogan got the vaccine.
03:24:55.000 Dude, take the vaccine.
03:24:55.000 Get boosters.
03:24:56.000 Get boosters.
03:24:57.000 Get boosters.
03:24:57.000 Yeah.
03:24:58.000 Shout out to CIA dude, they're giving me fifty fucking thousand dollars. 0.99
03:25:01.000 If you're not getting vaccinated, it's literally like holding a loaded gun to someone's head. 0.99
03:25:06.000 It really is.
03:25:07.000 And you can get a free Shake Shack from de Blasio if you get a booster.
03:25:11.000 Yo, what's up?
03:25:12.000 What's up?
03:25:14.000 Well, yeah, that was the first viral before viral.
03:25:17.000 Yeah.
03:25:18.000 Marilyn Manson's ribs.
03:25:20.000 So was he definitely a Scientologist, Jeremy?
03:25:23.000 Richard Gere? 0.99
03:25:24.000 What do they got on fucking Tom Cruise then? 0.99
03:25:27.000 He's a Scientologist. 0.99
03:25:28.000 He's running that show over there.
03:25:29.000 What does he have on them?
03:25:31.000 He's running that show over there.
03:25:33.000 Will Smith?
03:25:34.000 He could shut it down.
03:25:35.000 He's probably the number one reason why new people walk through the door.
03:25:38.000 That's true. 1.00
03:25:39.000 I want to be that fucking guy from Mission Impossible. 0.99
03:25:42.000 And he looks great. 1.00
03:25:43.000 I want to wear braces when I'm 50. Let's go!
03:25:45.000 So many of my friends love Tom Cruise.
03:25:49.000 He's a great actor.
03:25:49.000 I just don't have the love for him.
03:25:51.000 Go watch Interview with the Vampire.
03:25:54.000 No, I understand there's greatness before.
03:25:56.000 Tropic Thunder?
03:25:57.000 Come on, Sean.
03:25:57.000 That was amazing.
03:25:58.000 Tropic Thunder is hilarious.
03:25:59.000 He's amazing in that.
03:26:00.000 First try a comedy and he nailed it.
03:26:02.000 Nailed it.
03:26:02.000 The dance, everything.
03:26:03.000 Bro, he's fucking great. 0.99
03:26:05.000 Don't be a hater. 0.99
03:26:05.000 I'm not saying he's not great. 0.99
03:26:06.000 I'm not saying he's not great.
03:26:07.000 Risky business?
03:26:08.000 I'm saying he's slightly never made. 0.99
03:26:08.000 I think if he was a Catholic, you'd fucking love him. 0.99
03:26:11.000 I mean, obviously. 0.99
03:26:12.000 49!
03:26:13.000 But then he'd be Daniel Day-Lewis.
03:26:15.000 So what does it say?
03:26:16.000 Richard Gere is one of the most outspoken religious celebrities and religious choices in Buddhism.
03:26:20.000 Gere was raised in a Methodist home and studied philosophy in his short-lived college stint, but it seems religion is always interested in him, but it became enraptured with Buddhism on trip to Nepal in the late 70s.
03:26:30.000 Okay, so he was never in Scientology?
03:26:31.000 No, no, you've got to look up Scientology in Richard Gere. 0.99
03:26:34.000 Dan, it sucks you get so hot, you've got to become Buddhist. 1.00
03:26:37.000 First, a list comes up that says there's people that quit, and then he wasn't on the list. 0.97
03:26:40.000 Okay.
03:26:41.000 This says he never officially converted.
03:26:44.000 Okay, so he probably...
03:26:45.000 Never officially converted.
03:26:46.000 Hold on, hold on.
03:26:47.000 That was not him.
03:26:48.000 That's just the type of headline. 0.99
03:26:48.000 He was fucking Cindy Crawford, too. 0.99
03:26:50.000 Wow. 0.99
03:26:51.000 Gear?
03:26:51.000 He was king, dude.
03:26:53.000 He was king. 1.00
03:26:53.000 Didn't he fuck Madonna? 1.00
03:26:54.000 Didn't he fuck Madonna? 1.00
03:26:55.000 Who did? 1.00
03:26:56.000 He also fucked a gerbil. 1.00
03:27:05.000 If he dabbled in Scientology and then left, that might have been enough. 1.00
03:27:09.000 They already had him.
03:27:11.000 Day one, they got you. 1.00
03:27:12.000 As soon as you do the fucking clearance test. 1.00
03:27:13.000 Because a lot of people dabbled in it. 0.99
03:27:15.000 I think Seinfeld even dabbled in it.
03:27:17.000 He did.
03:27:20.000 Did you talk to Seinfeld about it?
03:27:23.000 No.
03:27:24.000 About what?
03:27:25.000 He dabbled in Scientology for a while.
03:27:26.000 No way.
03:27:27.000 Yeah, he tried it.
03:27:28.000 You know what it is?
03:27:30.000 I was watching an infomercial in 1994 and they had that Dianetics book.
03:27:36.000 I didn't even know that was Scientology. 0.99
03:27:38.000 I thought, oh, how to fucking improve your life. 0.99
03:27:41.000 Gateway. 1.00
03:27:42.000 So I order it and bro, they never stop sending me shit. 1.00
03:27:45.000 They were sending me shit. 1.00
03:27:48.000 I didn't even read it. 1.00
03:27:49.000 They just keep going.
03:27:52.000 I went out and played pool.
03:27:54.000 You're Tom Cruise.
03:27:56.000 They just had you.
03:27:57.000 They're like, well, if you showed a moment of witness, we'll get you. 1.00
03:28:00.000 They just kept sending me shit, man. 1.00
03:28:01.000 Every time I'd get the mail, it'd be like, more shit from Scientology, more invitations to conferences. 1.00
03:28:06.000 This is the same way I am with your dumb fucking ivermectin recommendation. 1.00
03:28:09.000 They don't stop calling you. 1.00
03:28:12.000 Stallone did it.
03:28:13.000 That's what Richard Gere thought for a while.
03:28:15.000 Sylvester Stallone thinks that Richard Gere is still mad at him for starting that whole gerbil in that, well, you know story.
03:28:22.000 Stallone has denied it, though, but that's as far as some research.
03:28:26.000 How did Stallone start it?
03:28:27.000 It says, Gere believes it's Sly, who started the ridiculous urban legend about Gere and the gerbil.
03:28:33.000 Here's the deal.
03:28:34.000 Gere and Stallone were on the set of the 1974 Lords of the Flatbush, and the two actors got into a tiff over lunch one day.
03:28:41.000 Something about chicken grease, Sly's thigh, and a hot dog, whereupon Stallone emboweled him.
03:28:48.000 Elbowed. 0.98
03:28:48.000 Oh, elbowed him on the side of the head. 0.98
03:28:52.000 The tension between the two actors became so fevered that Gere got kicked off the film, which still angers him today.
03:29:00.000 Apparently to this day he seriously dislikes me, says Sly, who adds for the record that it did not start the rodent rumor. 1.00
03:29:06.000 Hey, you know, he shoved a fucking dribble up his butt. 0.99
03:29:09.000 I just want to say, for the record, I didn't start that rumor. 1.00
03:29:13.000 Gary's rep had no comment.
03:29:14.000 He for sure started that rumor.
03:29:16.000 100% he started that rumor.
03:29:17.000 I didn't start it, right?
03:29:20.000 How strong was that rumor? 1.00
03:29:21.000 He shoved a fucking dribble up his butt. 1.00
03:29:21.000 It was the strongest one. 1.00
03:29:23.000 That rumor made it to me in Boston and made it to Eddie Bravo in L.A. Me and Maryland.
03:29:26.000 That's Sly, dude.
03:29:26.000 Only Sly could have done this.
03:29:28.000 Yeah, it has to be.
03:29:29.000 You have to have a high profile.
03:29:30.000 He was on the Sly.
03:29:31.000 God, how did we all get it?
03:29:32.000 It was true. 0.75
03:29:33.000 It had to be true.
03:29:35.000 That's kind of that theory.
03:29:36.000 If they started to worry about you or that you're gay, it wouldn't catch on.
03:29:38.000 Same thing to you.
03:29:39.000 It wouldn't catch on. 0.92
03:29:41.000 But if it's always like, oh, it caught on, it's like, because that's a gay guy.
03:29:44.000 That's why it catches on.
03:29:46.000 If it's like, oh, this guy did this, it doesn't catch on.
03:29:48.000 This guy, oh, that one it sticks to.
03:29:50.000 I gotta be honest with you guys, me and Jamie kissed at the mothership last night.
03:29:53.000 I made out with him at Mitzi's. 0.99
03:29:56.000 I grabbed him by the back of his fucking hair and we kissed. 1.00
03:30:00.000 The Richard Gere caught on because it's true. 1.00
03:30:02.000 Jamie, you're being nasty, don't be nasty.
03:30:03.000 I don't think it caught on because it's true. 0.99
03:30:04.000 I think it caught on because Sly made it up.
03:30:06.000 Sly is the man.
03:30:08.000 Sly made the gerbil in it.
03:30:09.000 Imagine how you would feel.
03:30:12.000 Better than an assassin.
03:30:12.000 Knowing that the body of your enemy really did fly by in the water.
03:30:16.000 Mm-hmm.
03:30:17.000 Wow.
03:30:17.000 He really did get him.
03:30:18.000 Got him with that one.
03:30:20.000 I wonder what they argued with that.
03:30:21.000 Who did he tell?
03:30:22.000 How did he get it out?
03:30:22.000 I don't know.
03:30:23.000 Chicken thigh grease and a hot dog.
03:30:25.000 How did he get it out?
03:30:26.000 That started it. 0.99
03:30:27.000 Was it a fucking foreign policy conversation? 1.00
03:30:30.000 For real, though, if that argument was just them in a fight and then Sly went around telling everybody that he shoved a gerbil up his ass, that's genius. 1.00
03:30:39.000 Yeah. 0.99
03:30:39.000 That's so smart that I don't think Sylvester Strung did it. 0.99
03:30:43.000 Out of nowhere. 0.98
03:30:43.000 Look, he's not stupid. 0.98
03:30:44.000 He wrote Rocky. 0.97
03:30:45.000 Obviously he's smart.
03:30:46.000 He's very smart. 1.00
03:30:47.000 But he did gay porn before that. 1.00
03:30:48.000 Or porn. 1.00
03:30:49.000 That's true. 0.99
03:30:49.000 He did porn, not gay porn. 0.99
03:30:50.000 Rocky did it? 0.99
03:30:51.000 No offense, Rocky.
03:30:52.000 No offense.
03:30:52.000 He did, like, softcore.
03:30:54.000 It was like softcore.
03:30:55.000 Cocky.
03:30:56.000 There's also a National Enquirer gossip columnist said he'd never worked harder in his life trying to confirm that story.
03:31:02.000 Nothing more than an urban legend referring to not only the Richard Gere story, but gerbling as a whole.
03:31:09.000 Gerbling! 0.87
03:31:10.000 Gerbling! 0.87
03:31:11.000 Like falconing?
03:31:15.000 Sorry, I don't know you.
03:31:16.000 There is no gerbling?
03:31:19.000 Oh my god.
03:31:20.000 I think RFK Jr. is a falconist.
03:31:22.000 Really?
03:31:23.000 Yeah.
03:31:23.000 Is he really?
03:31:23.000 Pull it up, J-Mo!
03:31:25.000 I don't love that.
03:31:26.000 How cool is falconing?
03:31:31.000 There's a lawyer that insists it's real.
03:31:35.000 Of course it's real.
03:31:37.000 While it's colloquially called gerbiling, the actual name for it from a medical mental health point of view is formacophilia, which involves not just gerbils but other kinds of small critters as well.
03:31:50.000 This is a form of bestiality which essentially deals with things crawled on you or in you.
03:31:56.000 When we started this, I saw a video of a snake being pulled out of someone's body.
03:31:59.000 Oh! 0.60
03:32:00.000 Wow.
03:32:01.000 The squids, the squids. 0.99
03:32:03.000 Dude, this is better than any fucking Eric Weinstein podcast. 1.00
03:32:05.000 If you were a girl, wouldn't you want a snake inside of you? 1.00
03:32:11.000 Oh, black and white. 0.93
03:32:12.000 Trying to get out.
03:32:13.000 Trying to get out. 1.00
03:32:15.000 You're like, you're not getting up, motherfucker. 1.00
03:32:17.000 No dick moves that many ways inside you. 1.00
03:32:20.000 Just tape that little mouth up so it's not eating your insides out. 1.00
03:32:23.000 Just fucking solid secure it and Should we take the mouth off? 0.99
03:32:28.000 I think so. 0.98
03:32:29.000 It's called snaking.
03:32:30.000 Let's go. 1.00
03:32:31.000 You're a freak. 1.00
03:32:33.000 If I was a woman, fuck yeah. 1.00
03:32:36.000 Combat boots in a fucking cage full of snakes. 1.00
03:32:39.000 If you were a woman, you'd be a menace. 1.00
03:32:41.000 Lifeside supply of duct tape. 0.99
03:32:43.000 Duct tape their little faces up. 1.00
03:32:45.000 Shut your fucking mouth. 1.00
03:32:47.000 Mama's gonna get you a rabbit. 1.00
03:32:49.000 Mama's gonna give you a rabbit after this. 1.00
03:32:52.000 I'm gonna be like a 90-year-old grizzled old lady with a fucking house full of snakes. 1.00
03:32:57.000 You'd be in a trailer of fucking snakes. 1.00
03:32:58.000 K.Y. Jelly. 1.00
03:32:58.000 Black Mamba. 1.00
03:33:00.000 Jeez. 1.00
03:33:01.000 You'd be in a trailer of fucking snakes. 1.00
03:33:03.000 If you were a lady? 1.00
03:33:04.000 What animal would you fuck? 1.00
03:33:05.000 You could fuck any animal. 1.00
03:33:06.000 Oh, man, no doubt. 1.00
03:33:08.000 Shetland Pony.
03:33:09.000 Ooh, good one.
03:33:10.000 Good one.
03:33:10.000 They kick, though.
03:33:11.000 You gotta watch out.
03:33:12.000 Jamie, toss up Shetland Pony. 1.00
03:33:13.000 Tell me you gotta try to fuck this thing. 1.00
03:33:15.000 I'd fuck a mermaid. 1.00
03:33:16.000 There's no pussy on there. 1.00
03:33:18.000 That's animal? 0.99
03:33:19.000 You call that more animal than cute? 1.00
03:33:20.000 You can't pick a hot fucking lady. 1.00
03:33:23.000 You're not trying to fuck that horse? 1.00
03:33:24.000 That's cute. 1.00
03:33:25.000 It looks like Nicky Glazer.
03:33:26.000 I would just hold its hand and walk it home. 1.00
03:33:29.000 You're not trying to fuck that thing? 1.00
03:33:30.000 No, it's too sweet. 1.00
03:33:31.000 She's looking at you.
03:33:32.000 Please give it to me.
03:33:33.000 Oh, cutie. 0.99
03:33:34.000 That's beautiful hair, dude. 1.00
03:33:35.000 What did we do to a fucking majestic horse? 1.00
03:33:38.000 We're so gross. 1.00
03:33:39.000 We took a wolf and turned it into a chihuahua. 0.74
03:33:40.000 You know they were small?
03:33:41.000 That's true.
03:33:43.000 You know horses were small?
03:33:45.000 They used to be really small?
03:33:46.000 Donkey.
03:33:46.000 Like how small?
03:33:47.000 Medieval time, they were like closer to ponies. 1.00
03:33:49.000 Look at that ass! 1.00
03:33:49.000 Oh, they were riding shallow ponies. 1.00
03:33:52.000 Really?
03:33:52.000 I'm going sheep all day.
03:33:54.000 Whoa, sheep's got some giant balls. 1.00
03:33:56.000 I've seen mountain goats with giant balls. 0.97
03:33:58.000 Steve Rinella pointed out to me, they're like church bells.
03:34:01.000 Really? 0.98
03:34:01.000 Giant balls. 0.98
03:34:02.000 By the way, I was just fucking around about fucking those horses. 1.00
03:34:05.000 You know what's crazy about horses? 1.00
03:34:06.000 I'd fuck a brown bear. 0.99
03:34:07.000 All horses came from North America, but then they all got wiped out, but they had already taken them to other countries. 1.00
03:34:14.000 So all the horses, yeah, they all started out in America.
03:34:17.000 They got wiped out after 1482?
03:34:21.000 And then they got reintroduced by the Europeans. 0.61
03:34:23.000 That's not true.
03:34:24.000 It is true.
03:34:24.000 Wait, repeat it?
03:34:26.000 Yes.
03:34:27.000 Horses evolved.
03:34:28.000 The species of horse evolved in North America. 0.99
03:34:31.000 Wait, but he's saying shit that's wrong. 0.98
03:34:33.000 He's talking and he's incorrect. 0.99
03:34:35.000 No, they died.
03:34:37.000 They went extinct in North America.
03:34:39.000 But they had already gotten them across the Bering Strait, Eurasia, on boats.
03:34:43.000 They had gotten horses to these other countries.
03:34:46.000 So horses, in a lot of places where they were using horses, horses didn't come from there.
03:34:51.000 They literally came from North America.
03:34:52.000 And they came back after...
03:34:54.000 Tens of thousands of years of what we're talking about.
03:34:56.000 So what does a horse come from?
03:34:57.000 After Columbus came. 1.00
03:34:59.000 No, stupid asshole. 1.00
03:34:59.000 Not after Columbus came? 1.00
03:35:00.000 No.
03:35:01.000 Before Columbus came.
03:35:02.000 We're talking tens of thousands of years.
03:35:04.000 But then they came back after Columbus was back, post-Columbia.
03:35:08.000 The earliest recognized ancestors of the horses, here it is, Eopipigasakendu, fucking whatever that word is, Angustidens, known as the Dawn Horse, a small North American animal, amount the size of a fox which lives in forests and ate fruits,
03:35:24.000 shoots and leaves around 55 million years ago.
03:35:27.000 Yeah, over the following tens of millions of years horse ancestors grew in size as grasslands expanded around 20 million years ago So they think that they a lot of them died off You know like I think around the same time is like what was the year that they died off in them in North America around 10,000 years ago They think it was a part of the whole Younger Dryas impact and all the the the the idea that Most of North America's wildlife,
03:35:53.000 like 65% of it got wiped out around 11,000 years ago.
03:35:56.000 Including saber-toothed tigers, all these woolly mammoths, everything got wiped out.
03:36:01.000 I think we got hit by comets.
03:36:03.000 And they think that...
03:36:05.000 That's a myth.
03:36:05.000 11,000 years ago?
03:36:07.000 Yeah, 11,800.
03:36:08.000 That's what they think.
03:36:09.000 It's called the Younger Dryas Impact.
03:36:10.000 Not so long. 0.99
03:36:11.000 It's the Graham Hancock, Randall Carlson shit, the end of civilization. 0.99
03:36:15.000 Just on the Western Hemisphere. 1.00
03:36:16.000 No, it was all over the world.
03:36:19.000 But the horses survived other places?
03:36:20.000 Yeah, they survived in some places.
03:36:22.000 It depends on how bad they got hit.
03:36:24.000 You're not comprehending any of this.
03:36:26.000 You're just adding words.
03:36:27.000 North America got pounded.
03:36:29.000 And so did other parts of the world got pounded.
03:36:31.000 We killed the buffalo. 1.00
03:36:32.000 They think he fucking knocked... 1.00
03:36:34.000 Is it? 0.99
03:36:35.000 I think so.
03:36:36.000 I thought we extincted him.
03:36:37.000 San Francisco Park.
03:36:37.000 No, Buffaloes are still real.
03:36:39.000 We still have Buffaloes. 0.78
03:36:40.000 Buffaloes existed.
03:36:41.000 I thought we got rid of them all.
03:36:42.000 They were just on the field against DCU. Yeah, Buffalo Bill Burr.
03:36:46.000 That's what bison is, dude.
03:36:47.000 When you buy bison, you buy a buffalo.
03:36:49.000 What's the difference between a bison and a buff?
03:36:50.000 There's no difference.
03:36:51.000 It's the same animal.
03:36:52.000 Male and female? 0.53
03:36:55.000 No.
03:36:55.000 No, it's the same animal.
03:36:56.000 You should?
03:36:56.000 I don't know.
03:36:57.000 I think they're different.
03:36:58.000 Bison and buffalo are the exact same animal.
03:36:59.000 They gotta be different.
03:37:00.000 No, it's definitely the same animal.
03:37:01.000 It's the same exact thing?
03:37:02.000 Like sheep and lamb?
03:37:02.000 Because I've eaten bison meat, but I've eaten a buffalo wing.
03:37:05.000 No, no, buffalo wing. 1.00
03:37:07.000 What the fuck, dude? 1.00
03:37:09.000 You went that far for that joke? 1.00
03:37:11.000 No, I just bumped it.
03:37:13.000 He's looking for a lifeline the whole way. 1.00
03:37:16.000 Fuck, I had one earlier. 1.00
03:37:17.000 I forgot. 1.00
03:37:19.000 Yeah, they had fucking North American cheetahs. 0.99
03:37:21.000 There was North American lions. 0.99
03:37:23.000 There was lions living in North America.
03:37:25.000 I believe it.
03:37:26.000 According to who, dude?
03:37:27.000 According to the people that study lion bones? 1.00
03:37:30.000 Anybody that's like, hey, 55 million years ago, I go, dude, shut the fuck up. 0.99
03:37:35.000 I don't know what happened yesterday. 0.98
03:37:37.000 I went on safari, and those elephants, we saw lions, we saw cheetah, we saw leopards.
03:37:42.000 The elephants were the scariest.
03:37:44.000 Why?
03:37:44.000 Because they'd come right at the car.
03:37:45.000 And they're smart. 1.00
03:37:46.000 They're smart as shit! 1.00
03:37:47.000 And they hate you. 1.00
03:37:48.000 And they could just end you.
03:37:49.000 Oh, yeah.
03:37:50.000 At any time.
03:37:51.000 You could see them just pushing up against a tree, and the roots are coming up.
03:37:54.000 It is wild.
03:37:54.000 They could just end you.
03:37:56.000 And the rhinos were no joke, either. 0.99
03:37:58.000 I watched an elephant absolutely buttfuck a rhino. 0.98
03:38:02.000 Really? 0.55
03:38:02.000 Not in real life, but on the internet. 0.55
03:38:05.000 But, like, literal buttfuck? 1.00
03:38:06.000 No, he just murdered it in a second. 1.00
03:38:08.000 Oh, he beat his ass. 1.00
03:38:08.000 Oh, really? 1.00
03:38:09.000 Do you think they set those fights up?
03:38:10.000 I bet they do, right?
03:38:11.000 No, nature's metal. 1.00
03:38:12.000 It's always just showing you fucking... 0.97
03:38:14.000 No, but I'm not saying all of them. 0.98
03:38:16.000 I'm not saying all of them, but I know they definitely did set some fights up.
03:38:20.000 Really?
03:38:20.000 Yeah, they used to put a bear and a tiger together, and then film it, and let them both out, and then film it.
03:38:27.000 It's basically Roman. 0.82
03:38:29.000 It's like bum fights. 0.99
03:38:31.000 Jamie, did we ever cover this before?
03:38:33.000 That there was some place that was taken, they took a bear and a tiger, and they released them together to watch them fight.
03:38:40.000 That's Russia to China. 0.94
03:38:42.000 Either way it rules. 1.00
03:38:45.000 Supposedly, that's the whole deal with all that fucking rhino tea. 1.00
03:38:49.000 It's like super elite people like to be able to drink shit that's completely forbidden. 1.00
03:38:55.000 They don't even really believe it gives you bones. 0.98
03:38:56.000 So just like, no one's supposed to have this, but I got some.
03:39:00.000 I got rhino tea, son.
03:39:02.000 So this tiger is out.
03:39:04.000 How's a tiger and a black bear?
03:39:05.000 Wait, we should play bets.
03:39:06.000 Forest Safari Lodge, it says.
03:39:09.000 Let me see, is that a nice sloth boy? 1.00
03:39:10.000 With an adult tiger face off with a sloth bear.
03:39:12.000 Oh, a sloth bear.
03:39:13.000 This is India.
03:39:13.000 This is totally reasonable.
03:39:15.000 I'm going bear.
03:39:16.000 Dude, this is crazy.
03:39:17.000 So they put these animals together in a cage?
03:39:19.000 Oh, no, I've seen this.
03:39:20.000 Sloth bear holds his own, dude. 1.00
03:39:21.000 Oh, shit! 1.00
03:39:22.000 That's a mom defending her cub. 1.00
03:39:24.000 Oh, wow.
03:39:25.000 Sloth bear fights it off. 1.00
03:39:27.000 You can't fuck with the cub defending. 1.00
03:39:29.000 Sloth bears are nasty, dude. 1.00
03:39:30.000 They jack people. 0.99
03:39:32.000 Who's that behind it?
03:39:32.000 I've watched a video of a sloth bear killing a guy.
03:39:35.000 It sucks. 1.00
03:39:36.000 Pull it up! 1.00
03:39:37.000 Yeah.
03:39:37.000 No, it's the worst.
03:39:38.000 You don't want to see it.
03:39:39.000 Watch that.
03:39:39.000 You don't want to see it.
03:39:41.000 Sloth bears look like shit, too. 1.00
03:39:43.000 Their hair is all fucked up. 1.00
03:39:45.000 They're like long and lanky. 1.00
03:39:46.000 Killed by an ugly, mean bear. 0.93
03:39:47.000 It just tears a guy apart. 0.99
03:39:49.000 Would you feel better if you were killed by a beautiful grizzly?
03:39:52.000 It's beautiful, beautiful. 0.99
03:39:53.000 I mean, the grizzly would at least fucking- Yeah, just go quick. 0.97
03:39:56.000 Grizzly man. 1.00
03:39:56.000 No, they eat your ass first. 1.00
03:39:57.000 They just start eating you, dude. 1.00
03:39:58.000 They just hold you down like a sand.
03:40:00.000 One swipe, you're out.
03:40:01.000 No, they just hold you down.
03:40:02.000 They eat your leg apart.
03:40:04.000 They hold you down and tear you apart.
03:40:05.000 Well, if he was holding me down and tearing me apart, I would be upset about it.
03:40:08.000 I would imagine you would.
03:40:10.000 Come on, man.
03:40:11.000 If he swipe knocked me out, I'd be like, sick.
03:40:12.000 That's great.
03:40:13.000 The next is the best part.
03:40:15.000 But wouldn't that be a great way to sell tickets?
03:40:17.000 Just bear versus lion, the garden.
03:40:19.000 They literally did that at the Coliseum.
03:40:21.000 I would go to that.
03:40:22.000 We're getting close, kids.
03:40:24.000 Yeah, we are.
03:40:25.000 I used to say that when I was hosting Fear Factor, but we're about four years away from the Running Man.
03:40:29.000 Oh, yeah, it's coming.
03:40:31.000 That's coming.
03:40:32.000 Something like that's coming.
03:40:33.000 I think we might have talked about it before, but how sick is it that they used to...
03:40:36.000 Oh, Jesus Christ, don't know about that one.
03:40:38.000 They used to fill the Coliseum.
03:40:40.000 Look out, he's going to throw it again.
03:40:41.000 Fill the Coliseum with water.
03:40:43.000 Yeah.
03:40:43.000 And have crocodile fights?
03:40:45.000 No!
03:40:45.000 No way!
03:40:46.000 Or boats?
03:40:46.000 A costume rolled.
03:40:47.000 The costume you could fill with water, and then they would have boat fights, and fill the water with crocodiles.
03:40:53.000 How gangster did you have to be to catch a crocodile back then with no guns?
03:40:57.000 And bring it back!
03:41:02.000 You can't kill it.
03:41:03.000 You can't tranquilize it either.
03:41:05.000 And people were all tiny back then.
03:41:07.000 They're all eating spaghetti.
03:41:08.000 That's 5'1".
03:41:08.000 Yeah, you mentioned it.
03:41:09.000 I bet that's a fucking crocodile. 1.00
03:41:12.000 Probably. 1.00
03:41:13.000 How do you keep water in that place?
03:41:15.000 Apparently they could.
03:41:16.000 I've been there.
03:41:18.000 Yeah, they developed a way to do it.
03:41:20.000 It's like engineers have actually studied it, and the floor lowers and raises so that animals can come through the floor.
03:41:26.000 Yeah, there's like the really sophisticated system that they had, where they had animals in cages for the games underneath, and they would lift them up through the floor, and everybody would cheer. 0.97
03:41:35.000 Holy shit, they got a tiger! 0.99
03:41:36.000 And what's crazy is, the really baller people would be in the fucking front row, and they would get jacked by the tiger. 1.00
03:41:43.000 No way! 0.99
03:41:44.000 So they had to raise the wall, because people were getting jacked.
03:41:47.000 It was like 10 feet up.
03:41:49.000 That's not enough. 0.99
03:41:51.000 It'd be like going to a UFC match and then a guy jumps out and starts whooping your ass. 0.99
03:41:56.000 It was like a mosh pit. 0.99
03:41:57.000 We're all holding hands trying to keep the horse gripping back.
03:41:59.000 He just hops out and knocks you out.
03:42:01.000 Do you remember that zoo in San Francisco where the kids were throwing pine cones at the tiger and the tiger jumped over a 14-foot fence?
03:42:08.000 What?
03:42:09.000 They gave him a reason.
03:42:11.000 It's like a Mexican. 1.00
03:42:12.000 These kids were throwing pine cones at this fucking tiger. 1.00
03:42:15.000 And the tiger, they had a 14-foot high fence. 1.00
03:42:18.000 They're like, yeah, good enough. 1.00
03:42:19.000 And this motherfucker jumped over the 14-foot high fence. 1.00
03:42:22.000 Oh, got on. 1.00
03:42:22.000 J-Mo! 1.00
03:42:23.000 Can you imagine?
03:42:24.000 It's not on video, I'm pretty sure. 0.99
03:42:25.000 Good for that fucking time. 0.98
03:42:25.000 Is that on video? 0.98
03:42:26.000 I know, right?
03:42:27.000 I don't think that's on video.
03:42:27.000 Mark's asking me to pull it up.
03:42:29.000 Oh, no, I don't think that's on video.
03:42:31.000 I think that was just a random day at the zoo where some dude's got killed.
03:42:34.000 They got murked. 1.00
03:42:36.000 Damn, pinecone. 1.00
03:42:38.000 That's a scary way to die. 1.00
03:42:41.000 Holy shit, would you know you provoked that fucking thing? 1.00
03:42:44.000 It was in there for years? 1.00
03:42:45.000 You know how scary that thing looked while it was flying in the air?
03:42:48.000 Angry.
03:42:49.000 Knowing you're the cause?
03:42:52.000 You know he's gonna make it?
03:42:54.000 He's gonna get down on the downslope?
03:42:56.000 No way! 1.00
03:42:59.000 Fuck! 1.00
03:42:59.000 I had a bit about it. 1.00
03:43:00.000 That's two pounces. 0.99
03:43:01.000 Yeah, you did have a bit about it.
03:43:02.000 Did you really?
03:43:03.000 Yeah, I had a bit about it.
03:43:04.000 Talking monkeys in space.
03:43:05.000 Victims taunted Tiger for a killed zoo visitor.
03:43:08.000 19 year old and 17 year old.
03:43:11.000 Two kids.
03:43:11.000 Whoa!
03:43:12.000 His brother was 23 and a friend was 17. They died in the tragedy.
03:43:17.000 Tatiana got killed by a girl.
03:43:19.000 That tiger's like, yeah, whatever, man, I did it.
03:43:21.000 Wow, the three of them got killed?
03:43:23.000 Is that what it's saying?
03:43:24.000 Some other person? 1.00
03:43:25.000 Holy shit, it killed three people? 1.00
03:43:26.000 It's crazy, because it could have jumped over that wall at any time. 0.99
03:43:28.000 According to an affidavit at hand by the San Francisco Chronicle, the trio stood on top of a three-foot railing, but had not thrown anything into the pen to provoke the cat.
03:43:36.000 They were drunk.
03:43:36.000 The men had also been smoking marijuana.
03:43:38.000 It was a pot-related death.
03:43:41.000 Toxicology tests showed that Wally had been twice the legal alcohol limit for driving. 1.00
03:43:45.000 Damn, they got high and drunk and fucked with a tiger? 0.99
03:43:48.000 They taunted, agitated by its eventual victims. 1.00
03:43:51.000 Police believe this factor contributed to the tiger escaping from its enclosure and attacking the victims. 0.99
03:43:56.000 God damn it, man. 0.99
03:43:58.000 Yeah. 1.00
03:43:59.000 Just young, imagine if that's your kid, just some young, dumb kid with his friends, fucking off. 1.00
03:44:04.000 I wonder if the tiger got a... 1.00
03:44:05.000 He's the one 23-year-old loser, and he's probably starting it all. 0.97
03:44:09.000 That's probably that Irish guy. 0.96
03:44:10.000 All three had marijuana in the system.
03:44:12.000 This probably isn't the best joke, but...
03:44:13.000 Each had a couple shots of vodka.
03:44:15.000 Kid's name was Coolbeard Dahua.
03:44:17.000 Never mind.
03:44:18.000 Nah, life apart.
03:44:19.000 Never mind, we'd probably cut that part.
03:44:21.000 It's just funny, his name, his parents were probably like, watch out, tigers will get you. 0.99
03:44:26.000 You ever see how far those motherfuckers can jump? 1.00
03:44:29.000 There's a video of this guy on an elephant. 1.00
03:44:31.000 There's no way.
03:44:32.000 No way, come on. 0.81
03:44:34.000 You ever see the guy on an elephant that gets jacked by the tiger?
03:44:36.000 Oh yeah, that's the best. 0.99
03:44:37.000 His whole hand is a fucking jacked. 0.99
03:44:39.000 Yeah, his whole hand got just torn apart. 1.00
03:44:41.000 It's just shredded, like razor blades.
03:44:43.000 They had razor blades for claws, and they weighed, you know, 600 pounds, flying through the air, just slashing at you. 1.00
03:44:50.000 That's bullshit. 1.00
03:44:51.000 Watch this video. 1.00
03:44:51.000 That sucks. 1.00
03:44:52.000 I love it. 0.99
03:44:53.000 No, no, no.
03:44:53.000 I love the video.
03:44:54.000 I know what you're saying. 1.00
03:44:54.000 It is fucking bullshit. 1.00
03:44:55.000 That just sucks, dude. 1.00
03:44:56.000 And you're on top of an elephant. 0.99
03:44:58.000 Why don't you go after the elephant, though?
03:45:01.000 No, it doesn't.
03:45:02.000 No, it's looking for the person. 1.00
03:45:03.000 He shows that person's being an asshole. 1.00
03:45:05.000 Oh, shit! 1.00
03:45:05.000 Oh, what a dive! 1.00
03:45:07.000 I love seeing the elephants in the background like, oh, oh!
03:45:10.000 I like how they're still filming.
03:45:11.000 Because the cats know they're trying to kill them.
03:45:13.000 Tall grass.
03:45:15.000 Dude, there's a place called the Sundarbans, where over the last 200 years, hundreds of thousands of people...
03:45:21.000 What a shot.
03:45:23.000 Oh my god.
03:45:25.000 He got him! 1.00
03:45:26.000 He got him right in the fucking dick. 1.00
03:45:30.000 Almost bit his head. 1.00
03:45:33.000 Oh, that guy's shredded, bro.
03:45:35.000 His hand's gone.
03:45:36.000 Look at your mom when she fell on the stairs.
03:45:38.000 Oh, Jesus Christ.
03:45:39.000 My head's alright, but I'll tell you what.
03:45:41.000 Oh my God.
03:45:42.000 The tiger was just arm out and just... 1.00
03:45:44.000 Dude, fuck those things. 1.00
03:45:48.000 They were tiger hunting. 1.00
03:45:49.000 They were fucking trying to kill that guy. 1.00
03:45:51.000 Yeah. 1.00
03:45:51.000 They're trying to hunt those things down. 1.00
03:45:53.000 They do it all the time down there.
03:45:54.000 On safari, the rhinos, they find the ones that kill people.
03:45:57.000 Some of them, they develop a taste for people. 1.00
03:46:00.000 Everyone was like, America sucks. 1.00
03:46:02.000 Go there. 0.98
03:46:03.000 You heard that old tale about the guy who would help an old man, you know, and he would go over to his house every day, feed him, hang out with him a little bit, you know, and then one day, he knocked on the old man's door, no answer.
03:46:16.000 Huh.
03:46:17.000 I'll leave.
03:46:17.000 Comes back the next day, knock.
03:46:19.000 No answer.
03:46:19.000 Next day, knock.
03:46:20.000 And eventually he's like, this is weird.
03:46:22.000 So he tries to open the door.
03:46:23.000 The door won't open. 0.63
03:46:24.000 And he's like, what the hell?
03:46:26.000 So he gets his shoulder in there and he's doing a running start.
03:46:29.000 Finally the door pushes open.
03:46:31.000 The old man was blocking the door.
03:46:34.000 Dead.
03:46:36.000 Dogs ate him.
03:46:38.000 And now they have to put the dogs down. 1.00
03:46:39.000 What the fuck are you talking about? 1.00
03:46:40.000 You never heard this? 1.00
03:46:41.000 His own dogs ate him.
03:46:42.000 Once a dog gets a taste of human flesh, it's over.
03:46:45.000 Holy, there's Lizzo. 1.00
03:46:46.000 Fucking hippo. 1.00
03:46:47.000 Starting to climb out of the cage. 1.00
03:46:49.000 No, no, no, no, no.
03:46:50.000 It doesn't attack.
03:46:51.000 This just doesn't attack.
03:46:52.000 No.
03:46:52.000 They're the most deadly animals.
03:46:53.000 Oh, yeah, I'm terrified.
03:46:55.000 These guys sloppin' him.
03:46:55.000 Thank God he has the mask on.
03:46:58.000 Thank God for the mask. 1.00
03:47:00.000 This guy's insane. 1.00
03:47:02.000 This guy's He's nuts. 1.00
03:47:03.000 He's insane. 1.00
03:47:04.000 His only weapon is a walkie-talkie. 1.00
03:47:06.000 This guy is insane. 0.99
03:47:07.000 And he's reaching for it. 1.00
03:47:08.000 Look at the mouth on that thing. 1.00
03:47:09.000 Wow.
03:47:13.000 That thing could crush a moped. 1.00
03:47:16.000 Easy.
03:47:16.000 You want to know something wild about hippos?
03:47:19.000 Guess what they're closest related to in the Mammoth family.
03:47:22.000 No. 1.00
03:47:22.000 Damn it. 1.00
03:47:23.000 What? 1.00
03:47:24.000 The whale.
03:47:25.000 I can see that.
03:47:26.000 Isn't that wild?
03:47:27.000 I can see it.
03:47:28.000 Oh, you guys did that?
03:47:29.000 And wolves.
03:47:31.000 I was watching...
03:47:31.000 There's a hippo documentary on Amazon I was watching.
03:47:35.000 Oh, yeah? 1.00
03:47:36.000 Yeah, they spray shit at each other. 1.00
03:47:38.000 They're fucking terrible. 1.00
03:47:39.000 They're gross. 1.00
03:47:40.000 Hippos suck. 1.00
03:47:40.000 They're so scary. 1.00
03:47:41.000 I thought they were fun and funny.
03:47:43.000 They're not.
03:47:43.000 Hungry hippo.
03:47:45.000 They'll run you down.
03:47:46.000 We do that with every animal that's terrifying. 0.99
03:47:48.000 Yeah, but they, like, when they fight each other, they spray shit at each other. 0.99
03:47:52.000 They spray shit? 1.00
03:47:53.000 But they're hungry, hungry hippos! 1.00
03:47:57.000 Polar bears are cool, though!
03:47:58.000 They do this whenever they're fighting.
03:48:00.000 They do this whenever they're fighting.
03:48:02.000 That's hilarious!
03:48:03.000 That's an original...
03:48:04.000 Ah, spit in somebody's face! 0.95
03:48:06.000 They're fertilizing! 1.00
03:48:07.000 It's probably nature's figuring out a way to get them to spray their shit. 1.00
03:48:10.000 No, but they do it, like, face-to-face in water. 1.00
03:48:12.000 Really?
03:48:13.000 They're morals.
03:48:15.000 Spraying it with a tail.
03:48:16.000 Polar bears are at least cool.
03:48:18.000 They're cool.
03:48:19.000 They used to be brown.
03:48:20.000 God, look at that thing.
03:48:22.000 Oh! 1.00
03:48:24.000 Damn! 0.99
03:48:24.000 It's going to be me tomorrow on the flight home. 0.99
03:48:27.000 Imagine a bad night of doing blow and dragon.
03:48:29.000 That's your life.
03:48:30.000 You die, you come back, you get to live as every organism on Earth.
03:48:33.000 Hippo would be nice.
03:48:34.000 That'd be a fun run, though.
03:48:35.000 Just destroy everything around you?
03:48:37.000 In the pond all day? 0.99
03:48:39.000 Yeah, even the crocodiles get the fuck out of the hippos. 0.98
03:48:42.000 Leave them alone. 0.99
03:48:43.000 Yeah, they'll jack a crocodile. 1.00
03:48:46.000 Fuck them up. 1.00
03:48:46.000 They just break them in half. 1.00
03:48:47.000 All those African safari things where they go down the river and the hippo's like, oh, we're going for it.
03:48:52.000 Yeah, when the hippo's in the water chasing a boat, it's the scariest.
03:48:56.000 They're so fast.
03:48:58.000 They have no mercy.
03:48:59.000 You can't believe how fast they are.
03:49:00.000 It doesn't make sense.
03:49:00.000 Yeah, and how big it is coming out of it.
03:49:02.000 Like it's got a motor in its asshole. 1.00
03:49:04.000 It's using that fucking tail. 1.00
03:49:06.000 That tiny tail. 1.00
03:49:07.000 It's a little rudder.
03:49:08.000 Bro, they're moving so fast.
03:49:09.000 Yeah.
03:49:10.000 You ever seen it?
03:49:10.000 How did it go?
03:49:11.000 No, I've never seen it.
03:49:11.000 Let me see it.
03:49:12.000 Well, they're smooth.
03:49:13.000 They're hairline. 0.97
03:49:14.000 It's bizarre how fast it is.
03:49:16.000 How do they go that fast? 0.99
03:49:17.000 All they got is a butt. 1.00
03:49:18.000 It's all fat. 0.99
03:49:18.000 I don't know, man. 0.99
03:49:19.000 Look at that fucking guy. 1.00
03:49:20.000 Wow. 1.00
03:49:21.000 He's going to pick up speed, too.
03:49:23.000 It's like Lizzo headed to a buffet.
03:49:24.000 If you were running away from that, that would be a problem.
03:49:27.000 If you had to run away from that, that's a problem.
03:49:30.000 That's like a person running really fast.
03:49:31.000 Look at that thing moving! 1.00
03:49:33.000 Holy shit! 0.99
03:49:35.000 It's like Star Jones! 0.99
03:49:37.000 By the way, it's not even getting tired.
03:49:38.000 The mouth isn't even open.
03:49:41.000 Show the hippo chasing the boat.
03:49:42.000 That's the one.
03:49:43.000 Whoa, he's cute!
03:49:45.000 He's so big, dude.
03:49:46.000 So watch, they start moving.
03:49:48.000 That's terrifying.
03:49:49.000 They're just filming it. 1.00
03:49:51.000 It's fucking coming after him, man. 1.00
03:49:53.000 Look at it. 1.00
03:49:53.000 Shoot that motherfucker. 1.00
03:49:54.000 Yeah, shoot it. 1.00
03:49:55.000 Shoot it dead. 1.00
03:49:56.000 Yeah, kill that motherfucker. 1.00
03:49:57.000 Who's filming? 1.00
03:49:58.000 That is a monster. 0.76
03:50:00.000 Look at that monster. 0.99
03:50:01.000 Your iPhone was worthless in this fight. 1.00
03:50:03.000 That's such a fucking monster. 1.00
03:50:05.000 Wow. 1.00
03:50:07.000 What is this, in Tampa?
03:50:13.000 Where is he?
03:50:14.000 Where is he?
03:50:17.000 There he is!
03:50:19.000 Wow! 1.00
03:50:21.000 Holy shit, they're quick. 1.00
03:50:24.000 You gotta pick up the motor. 0.99
03:50:28.000 It actually does not look that fast in that video.
03:50:30.000 It might be Lake Chad.
03:50:31.000 He stopped in that one.
03:50:34.000 There's some other ones where they're actually chasing a boat.
03:50:36.000 I think they take boats out every now and then too.
03:50:39.000 Definitely.
03:50:40.000 And then chomp, chomp, chomp. 0.85
03:50:41.000 They can move.
03:50:42.000 I mean, they're running for sure.
03:50:43.000 How are they in the water?
03:50:45.000 They're like big pig, cow, whales. 0.97
03:50:50.000 The other one's like, you got it.
03:50:51.000 You got it right?
03:50:52.000 Cool. 0.96
03:50:53.000 Wow, Africa freak. 1.00
03:50:56.000 This is my screen name.
03:51:01.000 Ugh, I hate these narrated videos.
03:51:04.000 Whoa, they can dive like that!
03:51:05.000 Wow, they do the butterfly stroke.
03:51:07.000 That's like a dolphin.
03:51:08.000 Yeah, they're whales.
03:51:09.000 I guess so.
03:51:10.000 Do they have a blowhole?
03:51:12.000 No, they just have nostrils.
03:51:14.000 Wow.
03:51:15.000 Jamie, I've never felt more let down, dude.
03:51:17.000 How do you not find Hippo chasing boats?
03:51:18.000 Wow.
03:51:19.000 Ouch.
03:51:19.000 He got that.
03:51:20.000 Nah.
03:51:21.000 Nah. 1.00
03:51:21.000 I'm just fucking. 1.00
03:51:23.000 J-Mo. 1.00
03:51:23.000 Give that guy another eagle. 1.00
03:51:26.000 J-Mo. 0.90
03:51:27.000 I think you found it.
03:51:28.000 There it is.
03:51:29.000 No, there's a better one.
03:51:30.000 There's another one.
03:51:31.000 Ooh, I like this one.
03:51:32.000 They got cute ears.
03:51:33.000 That might be the one.
03:51:33.000 Bro, I think they chase after boats a lot.
03:51:35.000 Are we talking Lake Chad?
03:51:36.000 The one that was jumping up and down was the one that freaked me out.
03:51:38.000 Oh, yeah.
03:51:39.000 I didn't know they could do that.
03:51:40.000 Because that's like dolphin-type movements.
03:51:42.000 Exactly.
03:51:43.000 They can pick up probably a lot of speed doing that.
03:51:46.000 Oh, yeah.
03:51:47.000 Yeah.
03:51:48.000 Yikes! 1.00
03:51:49.000 You ever see Swamp Tours?
03:51:50.000 Or, uh, Swamp People?
03:51:52.000 Yeah, that's the one! 1.00
03:51:54.000 Look at that fucking thing! 1.00
03:51:56.000 Jesus! 1.00
03:51:58.000 Look at that fucking thing! 1.00
03:52:00.000 Wow! 1.00
03:52:01.000 That's how we were done.
03:52:03.000 Is that it?
03:52:04.000 No, Jamie, you did great.
03:52:06.000 Yes, dude. 1.00
03:52:07.000 Played the fucking Coastal Carolina coach. 1.00
03:52:09.000 Jamie's throwing a fucking shot like a man. 1.00
03:52:10.000 Played the Coastal Carolina coach. 1.00
03:52:12.000 What is that?
03:52:14.000 We might have done it on here before.
03:52:15.000 It's my favorite.
03:52:16.000 This guy, he's like, we got too many cats on the team.
03:52:18.000 We need more dogs.
03:52:20.000 We got guys looking in the mirror like, oh, I look pretty.
03:52:23.000 I look pretty.
03:52:24.000 We need more dogs.
03:52:24.000 Trying to get our two boys ready to carry them to the golf tournament.
03:52:27.000 That's right.
03:52:28.000 Twelve cats live across the road.
03:52:29.000 Our door's open.
03:52:31.000 Screen's broke.
03:52:32.000 We need to get a new screen door, but the screen's broke.
03:52:34.000 So you come in through the screen, but you can't get back out of it.
03:52:37.000 I turn and look, there's a little kitty cat in our kitchen. 0.97
03:52:40.000 So I said, what are you doing in here, little kitty cat?
03:52:43.000 By that time, the cat turns, tries to get back out.
03:52:46.000 That screen won't go that way.
03:52:48.000 The cat starts going, meow!
03:52:55.000 It's kind of a Hitler. 0.92
03:53:00.000 He's on the verge of Hitler. 0.95
03:53:04.000 Yeah.
03:53:05.000 He's on coke, for sure.
03:53:10.000 It's good to meet Theo Vaughn's dad.
03:53:12.000 I look good.
03:53:13.000 I got my extra bands on.
03:53:15.000 I got my other shoes.
03:53:16.000 I'll be a dog.
03:53:17.000 Chanticleer pride.
03:53:19.000 Shout out to Chanticleers.
03:53:21.000 We need more dogs.
03:53:23.000 We need more dogs.
03:53:24.000 There you go.
03:53:25.000 He's not lying.
03:53:26.000 If he's a football coach, he's not lying.
03:53:29.000 No more cats.
03:53:30.000 You need people to get after it.
03:53:32.000 That's true.
03:53:32.000 Deion Sanders had a good speech.
03:53:34.000 He's a cat man.
03:53:35.000 No.
03:53:36.000 He's recruiting cats.
03:53:37.000 What?
03:53:38.000 I thought he was killing a hat.
03:53:39.000 Recruiting King. 1.00
03:53:40.000 His son's a fucking quarterback that can throw. 1.00
03:53:43.000 Oh shit. 1.00
03:53:45.000 All he did was run. 1.00
03:53:47.000 What he's talking about is dogs.
03:53:48.000 You ever seen Dwayne Wade's son?
03:53:50.000 He's talking about no wristbands, no swag.
03:53:52.000 Dogs.
03:53:54.000 Dwayne Wade's son?
03:53:55.000 Yeah.
03:53:56.000 Cat.
03:53:56.000 That's a big cat.
03:53:58.000 That's a big cat.
03:54:03.000 But anyway, that was fun.
03:54:04.000 Anywho, you keep it warm in here.
03:54:06.000 74?
03:54:07.000 If my hotel room was at 74, I'd...
03:54:09.000 That's the temperature.
03:54:10.000 That's outside. 0.99
03:54:11.000 It's hot as shit in here, dude. 0.98
03:54:12.000 I told you it was hot. 0.99
03:54:13.000 That's not real.
03:54:14.000 Just went up to 75. Is that real?
03:54:16.000 That's Nation Maine.
03:54:17.000 71. Alright.
03:54:20.000 It's 105 degrees outside.
03:54:22.000 Really? 0.98
03:54:23.000 It is hot as fuck outside. 1.00
03:54:24.000 That sucks, dude. 1.00
03:54:25.000 I'm moving here and that sucks. 0.99
03:54:27.000 Is that official? 0.90
03:54:28.000 Because it's September.
03:54:29.000 It's already a weekend of September.
03:54:30.000 Yeah, it's official.
03:54:31.000 I think it's cool.
03:54:32.000 We could have a great time here.
03:54:34.000 Yeah, listen. 1.00
03:54:34.000 Don't be a pussy. 1.00
03:54:35.000 Get in the sauna. 1.00
03:54:36.000 The heat is nothing.
03:54:37.000 I'm not going to get in the sauna.
03:54:39.000 I'm not going to get hotter.
03:54:40.000 People get mad about the heat.
03:54:42.000 I'm like, it's just hot.
03:54:43.000 It's just hot.
03:54:43.000 It's pretty relaxed.
03:54:44.000 It's pretty dry.
03:54:45.000 I shoot arrows out in the heat three hours a day sometimes.
03:54:48.000 I hear you.
03:54:49.000 Me and Egan went to see the Pixies out in the Coliseum here.
03:54:53.000 Yeah.
03:54:54.000 Impicator.
03:54:54.000 You guys kissed.
03:54:55.000 Hottest day.
03:54:56.000 We did kiss.
03:54:57.000 Besides the story.
03:54:59.000 Yeah, we did kiss, but that's not the story.
03:55:01.000 We kissed.
03:55:01.000 We hard.
03:55:02.000 We hard.
03:55:03.000 We hard.
03:55:04.000 It was the hottest city on earth here for two days.
03:55:08.000 Hottest city on earth.
03:55:08.000 I think we did.
03:55:09.000 Yeah, we kissed.
03:55:11.000 We hard.
03:55:12.000 This was the hottest city on earth?
03:55:13.000 Yeah.
03:55:13.000 When?
03:55:14.000 Two days when the Pixies played.
03:55:15.000 I think it was Arizona.
03:55:16.000 How long ago was this?
03:55:17.000 June.
03:55:18.000 Of this year?
03:55:19.000 Yeah.
03:55:20.000 No.
03:55:20.000 Yep.
03:55:20.000 No.
03:55:21.000 Death Valley gets way hotter.
03:55:22.000 City.
03:55:23.000 Oh.
03:55:23.000 That's not a city.
03:55:24.000 Phoenix.
03:55:24.000 Don't point at him and look away like that, dude.
03:55:26.000 That's so disrespectful and rude.
03:55:27.000 It wasn't that day.
03:55:28.000 Phoenix is hot.
03:55:28.000 But Phoenix.
03:55:29.000 Oh, the hottest in the country that day.
03:55:32.000 In the world.
03:55:33.000 In the world.
03:55:33.000 The world.
03:55:33.000 Hottest city in the world.
03:55:34.000 More than Istanbul.
03:55:35.000 Come on.
03:55:35.000 It was 112 that day.
03:55:38.000 No city was hotter.
03:55:39.000 I know, right?
03:55:40.000 Somalia.
03:55:41.000 It was 112?
03:55:42.000 Something like that.
03:55:43.000 It became below 100 at like 9.45pm.
03:55:46.000 This is when I go into my climate change is not real rant. 1.00
03:55:49.000 Oh shit! 0.99
03:55:51.000 Why? 1.00
03:55:51.000 It seems like the opposite. 1.00
03:55:54.000 The climate change is real?
03:55:55.000 Yeah.
03:55:57.000 I don't know.
03:55:58.000 I'm interested.
03:55:59.000 I'm interested in both sides.
03:56:01.000 Turns out science can be wrong a little bit sometimes.
03:56:03.000 Yeah.
03:56:03.000 We've seen all of that.
03:56:05.000 But that's alright.
03:56:06.000 You know what someone scared me though?
03:56:07.000 They said that the real scary thing is global cooling.
03:56:10.000 What?
03:56:11.000 Global warming's scary, but global cooling.
03:56:13.000 That got me, bro.
03:56:14.000 That's when everybody dies.
03:56:16.000 What do you mean global cooling?
03:56:17.000 Yeah, cold is still killing you.
03:56:17.000 Ice age.
03:56:18.000 Like a real ice age.
03:56:19.000 It's way scarier than everything getting hot.
03:56:21.000 Wait, but is that...
03:56:22.000 What's happening now?
03:56:24.000 Mitch McConnell keeps freezing.
03:56:25.000 Listen, it's all dependent upon who you talk to.
03:56:27.000 Because at some point in Earth's history, there were no polarized caps.
03:56:31.000 But now there is.
03:56:32.000 And now there's, you know, Greenland.
03:56:33.000 There's no polarized lenses, but we got them.
03:56:36.000 Things change, you know? 1.00
03:56:37.000 The shit shifts. 1.00
03:56:40.000 That's the thing about the whole climate thing. 1.00
03:56:42.000 It's just like it's never steady.
03:56:43.000 It's never like the climate's always gonna be this.
03:56:45.000 It's like gender. 0.82
03:56:46.000 It's fluid.
03:56:46.000 It's fluid.
03:56:48.000 It's like never in the history of the earth been steady.
03:56:52.000 It's always done this.
03:56:52.000 If you look at charts and graphs, the question is like how much are people influencing it?
03:56:57.000 But the real problem is...
03:56:58.000 I think it's pretty clear, right?
03:56:59.000 It's pretty clear.
03:57:00.000 Humans are definitely off China and India.
03:57:03.000 Also, it's greener now than it's ever been before.
03:57:05.000 What do you mean greener?
03:57:06.000 That's true because it's warmer.
03:57:07.000 What do you mean greener?
03:57:07.000 It's because it's warmer.
03:57:08.000 There's more green.
03:57:09.000 It's interesting.
03:57:10.000 More jungle.
03:57:11.000 More rainforest.
03:57:11.000 That's like a kind of like a...
03:57:13.000 Don't get involved, you fucking liberal. 1.00
03:57:14.000 I got one for you. 1.00
03:57:15.000 You fucking liberal. 1.00
03:57:16.000 Let's see it. 1.00
03:57:16.000 Do you know there's more trees? 1.00
03:57:18.000 The thing I heard was there's more trees in Canada than there are stars in the galaxy.
03:57:21.000 Yeah.
03:57:22.000 What?
03:57:23.000 Incorrect.
03:57:24.000 Why do you think it's incorrect?
03:57:25.000 Because it's infinite in the galaxy?
03:57:27.000 No, not the universe.
03:57:29.000 I don't know the difference.
03:57:31.000 Well, the difference is 200 billion stars. 1.00
03:57:34.000 What are you, the dumbest guy of all time? 0.99
03:57:35.000 Canada doesn't even have the most trees. 1.00
03:57:37.000 Canada has 200 billion trees.
03:57:40.000 The whole world, I mean the whole existence.
03:57:43.000 What's that called?
03:57:43.000 Hold on, say that again, Jamie.
03:57:45.000 318 billion trees.
03:57:47.000 318 billion trees in Canada.
03:57:49.000 Well, nobody lives up north.
03:57:50.000 They do.
03:57:50.000 There's over 650 billion in Russia.
03:57:53.000 Shout out Saskatoon!
03:57:53.000 I'm going to go ahead and say nobody actually counted those.
03:57:56.000 Did you hear what he said?
03:57:57.000 650 billion in Russia?
03:57:59.000 Manitoba.
03:58:00.000 Again, Russia has the bigger numbers.
03:58:01.000 Most bears, Russia. 0.95
03:58:02.000 Wow.
03:58:03.000 A lot of land mass out there.
03:58:04.000 318 billion trees.
03:58:06.000 And worry about Brazil.
03:58:08.000 We need those trees.
03:58:09.000 Trees cover 40% of the country.
03:58:13.000 Wow.
03:58:15.000 Canada's forests account for 30% of the world's forests.
03:58:18.000 Wow.
03:58:19.000 Wow.
03:58:20.000 I didn't know the Canucks had the trees.
03:58:22.000 30% of the world's forests in Canada.
03:58:25.000 That's insane.
03:58:27.000 Canada's huge, dude.
03:58:28.000 Huge.
03:58:29.000 There's more people in California than Canada.
03:58:32.000 Yeah.
03:58:33.000 Fun fact.
03:58:34.000 The country's gigantic.
03:58:36.000 Huge country.
03:58:37.000 Most of it's unlivable.
03:58:39.000 Unlivable.
03:58:39.000 Yeah, it's freezing.
03:58:40.000 The tundra! 1.00
03:58:41.000 Don't be a pussy. 1.00
03:58:42.000 Please don't. 1.00
03:58:42.000 Go up there, dude. 1.00
03:58:43.000 Go on alone.
03:58:44.000 Go if you care so much.
03:58:45.000 Good show.
03:58:46.000 You won't.
03:58:46.000 Go camp.
03:58:46.000 Joe, you should go on alone.
03:58:48.000 Russia!
03:58:48.000 Look at that tree.
03:58:49.000 I'm not interested in being alone.
03:58:51.000 I have no interest in being alone.
03:58:54.000 650 billion trees in Russia?
03:58:57.000 Well, Russia's gigantic.
03:58:58.000 Jesus Christ.
03:58:59.000 641 billion, 607 thousand.
03:59:00.000 Brazil's got hella. 0.98
03:59:01.000 What's that country in the middle of Africa?
03:59:03.000 They got a lot.
03:59:03.000 What is that one down there?
03:59:04.000 The Congo.
03:59:06.000 Congo!
03:59:07.000 That's where Black Panther's from. 0.78
03:59:08.000 Good dance.
03:59:10.000 That's Congo. 0.62
03:59:12.000 Oh, 318. What's that island in Canada off Alaska?
03:59:17.000 What?
03:59:17.000 Island off Alaska.
03:59:18.000 What does the Amazon have, Jamie?
03:59:20.000 What's that?
03:59:21.000 What's in the Amazon?
03:59:21.000 300 million.
03:59:23.000 Oh, they're close.
03:59:24.000 They're coming up.
03:59:24.000 Russia has more trees than the Amazon.
03:59:27.000 Have you guys ever seen that documentary, Happy People, Life in the Taiga?
03:59:34.000 Nope. 0.80
03:59:34.000 Oh my god, it's a fucking amazing Werner Herzog documentary about people who live in Siberia. 0.80
03:59:39.000 I will not show you the tape of him getting killed. 0.98
03:59:42.000 Yeah, he didn't have the tape.
03:59:43.000 He only had the recording.
03:59:44.000 What?
03:59:45.000 He only had the recording.
03:59:46.000 Oh my god, this is horrible.
03:59:48.000 Destroy this. 1.00
03:59:50.000 Destroy this. 0.98
03:59:51.000 No one should see this.
03:59:53.000 The greatest unintentional comedy in the history of the world.
03:59:57.000 The grizzly man?
03:59:58.000 The greatest unintentional comedy of all time.
04:00:01.000 Hey, just hug wild bears.
04:00:02.000 Your life will be great.
04:00:03.000 Oh, seven in.
04:00:04.000 I see the mistake. 0.67
04:00:05.000 That guy was gay, right? 0.99
04:00:07.000 So gay. 1.00
04:00:07.000 He loves bears. 1.00
04:00:09.000 Well, he was saying he wasn't.
04:00:11.000 So he's walking around with a camera going, I'm not gay. 0.82
04:00:13.000 If I was gay, it would be so easy.
04:00:15.000 You'd find a guy, but I'm not gay. 0.85
04:00:17.000 That's not something not gay people do. 0.98
04:00:20.000 There's a fox that steals his hat. 0.96
04:00:22.000 It's a very, very funny moment.
04:00:25.000 He goes from like, this is cute, and then he gets really mad.
04:00:28.000 Hey, Shadow, that's my hat! 0.99
04:00:30.000 He's just a gay guy screaming at a fox in the middle of nowhere. 0.97
04:00:33.000 The fox stole his hat and took it into his den, and he can't get it. 0.99
04:00:37.000 Yes, that's a good fox.
04:00:38.000 But it's funny that the fox became like his friend, like legitimately like a dog, man.
04:00:43.000 Cute.
04:00:43.000 There it is, dude.
04:00:44.000 What are you doing to that hat?
04:00:45.000 It's his pirate's hat. 1.00
04:00:46.000 He's like, that's mine, bitch. 1.00
04:00:48.000 Shout out to the pirates. 1.00
04:00:52.000 See, that fox has no idea what possession is.
04:00:56.000 This is his now.
04:00:57.000 So he doesn't think that's his hat. 1.00
04:00:59.000 He's like, that's my hat, motherfucker. 1.00
04:01:01.000 I just found it. 1.00
04:01:03.000 So when this dude is trying to take it back...
04:01:06.000 Hey, who's stealing that hat? 0.99
04:01:09.000 Hey, who's stealing that damn hat? 1.00
04:01:13.000 What? 1.00
04:01:14.000 He gets so upset.
04:01:17.000 Okay.
04:01:24.000 Now he's serious.
04:01:33.000 Ghost, that's it.
04:01:41.000 You gave it to a wild dog, dude.
04:01:44.000 Yeah.
04:01:46.000 Ghost, where's that hat? 0.95
04:01:47.000 What's for the hat?
04:01:57.000 And you think this is the worst part of your trip.
04:01:59.000 That dude is never getting that out.
04:02:01.000 Oh, it's gonna get bad.
04:02:03.000 Get ready, brother. 0.80
04:02:05.000 Although, maybe he wasn't gay. 1.00
04:02:06.000 Didn't he have a babe with him when he got fucking munched? 0.99
04:02:08.000 And she was probably super confused. 1.00
04:02:10.000 He was calling in babes, and he was like, yo, check this shit out. 0.99
04:02:13.000 Yeah, he had a lady with him, and she got killed too. 1.00
04:02:16.000 She got killed?
04:02:17.000 Oh, I thought she got out.
04:02:18.000 She got killed, too.
04:02:19.000 She was apparently on video, or, you know, the lens cap was on it, but it was running, and she was apparently, like, hitting the bear with, like, a frying pan.
04:02:29.000 You understand, like, they're so big.
04:02:31.000 That's nothing.
04:02:32.000 Frying pan.
04:02:32.000 These are enormous bears.
04:02:34.000 It's like a cartoon.
04:02:35.000 I mean, she, and they killed, apparently the video is, the audio, rather, is really long.
04:02:40.000 I've heard one, but I thought it was fake.
04:02:42.000 Many, many minutes long.
04:02:43.000 It was fake, right?
04:02:44.000 There's a fake audio that's out there, but the real one is apparently pretty long.
04:02:47.000 Have you ever had Warner Bros.
04:02:48.000 again?
04:02:49.000 No, I haven't.
04:02:49.000 I would, though.
04:02:50.000 I love that guy.
04:02:51.000 Great voice.
04:02:52.000 Yeah, this is the ladies playing it for him. 1.00
04:02:53.000 This is his ex-girlfriend playing it for him.
04:02:59.000 That's her. 0.88
04:03:00.000 That's his ex-girlfriend. 0.95
04:03:02.000 So this is a different ex-girlfriend. 0.65
04:03:03.000 Not the one who got killed.
04:03:05.000 Is this real, Jamie?
04:03:06.000 Yeah, this is in the documentary.
04:03:08.000 So she's playing it for him, and I don't even know if she had ever listened to it.
04:03:13.000 Just give me a taste.
04:03:14.000 Just a taste.
04:03:14.000 No, they're not going to hear you.
04:03:16.000 They're just like him hearing it.
04:03:18.000 Yeah, but it's...
04:03:22.000 That's heavy.
04:03:23.000 It's a heavy movie, but it's also hilarious.
04:03:26.000 It's so funny at the same time.
04:03:27.000 It's very funny.
04:03:27.000 It's just so crazy that this guy thought he could live with bears.
04:03:31.000 He's just like, hey dude, you're food. 0.98
04:03:34.000 I love how this lady's legacy is the dude she dumped because he was gay. 1.00
04:03:39.000 She was like, that's not who my personality is.
04:03:42.000 I used to date him.
04:03:43.000 I don't know. 1.00
04:03:44.000 I'm fucked up, dude. 1.00
04:03:45.000 The human ego is so weird. 1.00
04:03:47.000 Ego is not your amigo.
04:03:49.000 It was for you.
04:03:50.000 I'll do the next one.
04:03:51.000 You guys have so many.
04:03:52.000 Ari, how many have you had?
04:03:53.000 Are those all yours?
04:03:54.000 You've had, what, one?
04:03:55.000 You're here slacking.
04:03:56.000 I am slacking.
04:03:58.000 Come on, Jojo Rabbit.
04:04:00.000 Get up, baby! 1.00
04:04:02.000 Terrence, dude, we're done fucking around. 1.00
04:04:05.000 Terrence, stop already. 0.99
04:04:06.000 Terrence, could you guys cut it out?
04:04:07.000 We're over here trying to have fun, dude.
04:04:09.000 I know, right?
04:04:10.000 Dude, Rogan's on the scene. 1.00
04:04:11.000 Stop fucking with us. 0.99
04:04:12.000 Sorry about CIA, dude. 1.00
04:04:13.000 That's not us.
04:04:14.000 That's not us?
04:04:15.000 We're mostly cool.
04:04:16.000 Most of us are chill, dude. 0.97
04:04:17.000 Stop already, terrorists. 1.00
04:04:19.000 Russia, Ukraine, cut it the fuck out, dude. 1.00
04:04:21.000 What's your guys' problems? 0.99
04:04:22.000 I know.
04:04:23.000 Enough's enough.
04:04:24.000 We're trying to have fun over here, people.
04:04:25.000 We're trying to chill, dude.
04:04:27.000 Things are just starting to get good.
04:04:28.000 Get Maui back.
04:04:30.000 Maui's coming back.
04:04:30.000 What are they going to do?
04:04:31.000 It's coming back.
04:04:31.000 Maui will be back, dude.
04:04:33.000 American spirit.
04:04:34.000 Maui will be back.
04:04:34.000 Hell yeah.
04:04:35.000 Don't fuck with the Maoris. 1.00
04:04:37.000 What do you think they're going to do with all that situation with people's land there? 1.00
04:04:43.000 Give it to Oprah? 1.00
04:04:46.000 Fires will come in.
04:04:48.000 I think that's the right move.
04:04:49.000 She had property.
04:04:51.000 Untouched by the space laser.
04:04:53.000 Oh, Uncle Laser.
04:04:55.000 Oh, Jesus Christ.
04:04:56.000 Harry's uncle.
04:05:00.000 No, I think it's a pretty serious tragedy.
04:05:02.000 Yeah, for real.
04:05:03.000 Oh, for sure.
04:05:04.000 It was crazy how fast.
04:05:05.000 You watch those videos?
04:05:06.000 Don't play that.
04:05:08.000 I thought Mark was getting ready to take it.
04:05:09.000 All right, fine.
04:05:10.000 I'll shut off about real tragedies.
04:05:11.000 Ready?
04:05:11.000 Go, Mark.
04:05:12.000 Chug that freezing cold beer.
04:05:14.000 Bong it. 0.64
04:05:14.000 America! 0.64
04:05:15.000 Wait, don't focus on me.
04:05:16.000 Do it for the troops, dude.
04:05:16.000 Don't focus on me.
04:05:17.000 Do it for the troops, otherwise Russia wins. 0.98
04:05:19.000 Don't focus on you?
04:05:19.000 Russian troops.
04:05:20.000 Russia's going to win if you don't do that. 0.93
04:05:23.000 Come on, you have to do it in one shot, or you hate Ukraine.
04:05:26.000 You love Russia?
04:05:27.000 Like the road.
04:05:28.000 Don't be a communist. 1.00
04:05:29.000 Hurry up, you pussy. 1.00
04:05:30.000 Come on. 1.00
04:05:31.000 Quick before the song runs out.
04:05:32.000 Remember Blackrock?
04:05:33.000 If the song runs out, run straight up.
04:05:36.000 Bro.
04:05:37.000 Mark Norman!
04:05:39.000 Mark Norman!
04:05:46.000 Green black? 0.85
04:05:47.000 Nice, Marcus.
04:05:48.000 Yes, Marcus.
04:05:50.000 Marcus!
04:05:51.000 You gotta open it.
04:05:52.000 Marcus.
04:05:53.000 Open the throat. 0.77
04:05:53.000 How much is left in this? 0.77
04:05:55.000 I don't want to pour it.
04:05:56.000 Hold on.
04:05:56.000 How much is left?
04:05:59.000 A little swig.
04:06:00.000 A little swig, but may as well do it if you're gonna do it, though.
04:06:03.000 I thought I had it, sorry.
04:06:04.000 Don't give me one, no pressure.
04:06:05.000 Those last few seconds were hard.
04:06:07.000 It's so cold, it hurts your teeth.
04:06:09.000 It's so cold. 1.00
04:06:11.000 Fuck yeah. 1.00
04:06:12.000 Sorry, I'll do another one. 1.00
04:06:13.000 Oh, we do it for the troops.
04:06:15.000 For the troops.
04:06:15.000 It's all for the troops.
04:06:17.000 Al-Qaeda.
04:06:18.000 Yes.
04:06:18.000 J-Mo, don't get me started.
04:06:20.000 You're up next there, Dickless.
04:06:24.000 Greatest guitar solo of all time.
04:06:26.000 This?
04:06:26.000 No diggity.
04:06:27.000 Yeah.
04:06:28.000 This?
04:06:28.000 Can you back it up?
04:06:29.000 Greatest guitar solo of all time.
04:06:31.000 You know where it comes.
04:06:34.000 In the running.
04:06:35.000 This is a video titled, The Only the Best Part of Freebird.
04:06:38.000 This video.
04:06:40.000 It's true, though. 0.82
04:06:41.000 It's true.
04:06:42.000 It gets to this point.
04:06:48.000 He's like, let's run. 1.00
04:06:49.000 We're a couple of fucked up white guys. 1.00
04:06:55.000 Freebird, yeah. 1.00
04:06:59.000 From Florida.
04:07:00.000 Like, run, bro.
04:07:02.000 No.
04:07:02.000 The greatest thing to ever come out of Florida.
04:07:06.000 They're from Florida?
04:07:07.000 Yeah.
04:07:07.000 Really?
04:07:08.000 They're Bama. 1.00
04:07:09.000 More than Limp Bizkit?
04:07:10.000 No.
04:07:10.000 Jacksonville.
04:07:12.000 They're from Jacksonville, Florida.
04:07:13.000 Jackson-Bama.
04:07:14.000 Jackson-Bama.
04:07:17.000 Come on, man.
04:07:18.000 This is the greatest guitar solo ever.
04:07:20.000 Yeah.
04:07:20.000 This is insane.
04:07:22.000 It's rules.
04:07:25.000 Still holds up.
04:07:27.000 No one plays instruments anymore.
04:07:31.000 Except for Oliver Anthony.
04:07:32.000 Yes.
04:07:34.000 This is guys having fun, dude.
04:07:35.000 This is the United States of America, dude.
04:07:38.000 Hell yeah! 1.00
04:07:41.000 Put it right in my ass. 1.00
04:07:42.000 Russia, cut it out. 1.00
04:07:44.000 Enough's enough.
04:07:45.000 Putin. 1.00
04:07:46.000 Russia, we're done fucking around, dude. 1.00
04:07:48.000 Cut it out. 1.00
04:07:48.000 We're sick of this war. 1.00
04:07:49.000 Knock it off, dude. 1.00
04:07:51.000 Joe Biden, get your old ass out of the way, dude. 1.00
04:07:53.000 We're sick of fucking shit up. 1.00
04:07:55.000 Deal with your own. 1.00
04:07:57.000 Notre Dame, dude, win a national title, dude, fuck! 1.00
04:08:00.000 Go Saints! 1.00
04:08:01.000 Fuck this Clemson communist shit! 1.00
04:08:04.000 Vivek! 1.00
04:08:09.000 Dude, how fun could you guys be if Notre Dame won a national title?
04:08:14.000 Hershey PA, October 13th, come on out!
04:08:21.000 Come on, man, this is insane!
04:08:23.000 Still going, it's gotta hurt the fingers!
04:08:26.000 It's just starting.
04:08:27.000 It's just starting.
04:08:30.000 It's not even half over.
04:08:32.000 This might have been going through Grizzly Man's head at the end.
04:08:39.000 Wow, that rips.
04:08:41.000 This guy got laid.
04:08:45.000 Wait for it.
04:08:48.000 Wait for it.
04:08:55.000 Come on.
04:08:55.000 How much of this can we play?
04:08:59.000 Woo! 0.99
04:09:00.000 These guys died in a plane crash.
04:09:04.000 Some of them did.
04:09:05.000 Yes.
04:09:06.000 So good. 1.00
04:09:07.000 Damn! 1.00
04:09:08.000 Damn! 1.00
04:09:09.000 Damn! 1.00
04:09:11.000 Wow. 1.00
04:09:12.000 Still going.
04:09:14.000 This guy's in the zone.
04:09:18.000 Shredding!
04:09:24.000 Look at us dude!
04:09:25.000 Look at us!
04:09:26.000 Just a couple of honkies bopping! 1.00
04:09:29.000 Honkies bopping dude! 0.99
04:09:36.000 God damn this is good! 0.99
04:09:38.000 They just let him run! 0.99
04:09:45.000 It's one of the only songs ever where the music is better than the song.
04:09:51.000 Who needs the lyrics? 0.66
04:09:57.000 I like auto-tune myself.
04:10:09.000 It's crazy.
04:10:10.000 Alright, yeah.
04:10:11.000 That's crazy.
04:10:13.000 What is that, eight minutes?
04:10:15.000 Wow. 0.99
04:10:17.000 Goddamn! 1.00
04:10:18.000 The rest of the banners just step back. 0.99
04:10:20.000 Like, let them go.
04:10:23.000 Jesus, this guitar's got smoke coming off of it.
04:10:26.000 Just imagine.
04:10:26.000 Yeah.
04:10:28.000 It's almost over.
04:10:29.000 Woo! 0.99
04:10:30.000 I hope not.
04:10:31.000 Ride into the sunset.
04:10:33.000 Till the wheels come off. 0.99
04:10:34.000 Goddamn, this is good. 0.99
04:10:36.000 Oh my god. 0.98
04:10:43.000 You know what's fun?
04:10:45.000 Introducing black people to Freebird. 0.98
04:10:48.000 He's still going.
04:10:49.000 We'll be in the car now, it's in. 0.97
04:10:50.000 You show your black friends this song. 0.86
04:10:52.000 And they're like, what? 1.00
04:10:53.000 God damn, I didn't know you guys had this in you. 0.99
04:10:56.000 Just imagine being the Rolling Stones. 1.00
04:10:59.000 Everybody likes that song.
04:11:00.000 Imagine being the Rolling Stones, you gotta follow these guys. 1.00
04:11:03.000 And you're like, oh fuck. 1.00
04:11:04.000 And they went out on the tongue. 1.00
04:11:06.000 They weren't supposed to go out on the tongue, and they're like, fuck this, we're going out on the tongue. 0.99
04:11:11.000 What's that? 0.99
04:11:13.000 They had to follow this?
04:11:14.000 Yes.
04:11:15.000 Really?
04:11:16.000 The Rolling Stones.
04:11:17.000 Had to follow what?
04:11:18.000 Leonard Skinner opened for the Rolling Stones.
04:11:20.000 I didn't know that.
04:11:20.000 Yeah, this is it.
04:11:21.000 Holy shit, it's like when Mark Horne... 0.99
04:11:24.000 Don't go on the tongue. 0.99
04:11:27.000 What's the tongue?
04:11:29.000 Play this so we can hear it.
04:11:30.000 Oh, the tongue!
04:11:33.000 Oh, yeah.
04:11:35.000 What was the order?
04:11:37.000 They had an order, don't walk on the tongue. 1.00
04:11:39.000 This is some British motherfuckers. 1.00
04:11:41.000 Limeys. 1.00
04:11:45.000 These motherfuckers going off. 1.00
04:11:48.000 They're all over that tongue. 1.00
04:11:49.000 Yeah.
04:11:53.000 They broke their only rule.
04:11:54.000 Don't go out on the tongue.
04:11:56.000 Wow.
04:11:57.000 Oh, they're feeling it.
04:12:00.000 Well...
04:12:00.000 Yeah, take that, you British coach.
04:12:03.000 Just play in the back.
04:12:04.000 Don't do the tongue.
04:12:05.000 We can't reset the stage.
04:12:06.000 Rolling Stones following James Brown.
04:12:08.000 James Brown when he watched that one, right?
04:12:10.000 No, no. 1.00
04:12:11.000 He says, welcome to America, motherfucker. 1.00
04:12:12.000 Did he? 1.00
04:12:13.000 When he got off stage to them.
04:12:14.000 Hell yeah.
04:12:14.000 Really?
04:12:15.000 No, you know that story.
04:12:17.000 You know that story.
04:12:17.000 James Brown goes, hey, we got you.
04:12:19.000 Nobody follows me.
04:12:20.000 You got you and then the Rolling Stones.
04:12:22.000 He goes, no, I'm last.
04:12:23.000 I'm James Brown.
04:12:24.000 And he goes, well, that's not the order we have.
04:12:26.000 It's somebody huge, then you, then the Rolling Stones.
04:12:29.000 He goes...
04:12:30.000 I'm leaving. 1.00
04:12:30.000 Fuck, goodbye. 1.00
04:12:31.000 He gets down the block, and he comes back, and he goes, actually, you know what? 1.00
04:12:35.000 Let the Rolling Stones go after me.
04:12:37.000 Hell yeah.
04:12:37.000 Let's do that.
04:12:38.000 And then he went nuts.
04:12:39.000 And he's like, I'll put it on the show I've ever put on my life.
04:12:42.000 Wow. 1.00
04:12:42.000 And then he goes, follow that, motherfuckers. 1.00
04:12:44.000 Yeah. 1.00
04:12:44.000 Really? 1.00
04:12:45.000 Dude, I saw the killers in Delaware.
04:12:47.000 Saw the killers in Delaware?
04:12:49.000 You're talking about James Brown, the Rolling Stones?
04:12:50.000 They went on second to last, and they were like, do that.
04:12:53.000 Oh, there he is.
04:12:53.000 Is this it right here?
04:12:54.000 Yeah.
04:12:54.000 Oh, my God.
04:12:55.000 Let me give us...
04:12:56.000 Here we go for this.
04:12:57.000 This is...
04:12:58.000 It's literally, it's comical.
04:13:01.000 I skipped through it, yeah.
04:13:01.000 He's doing push-ups.
04:13:03.000 Is this him leaving?
04:13:05.000 No, he keeps pretending to leave.
04:13:08.000 Oh my goodness, who's that?
04:13:10.000 These crackers are nervous.
04:13:14.000 No, wait, go back.
04:13:15.000 Because the Rolling Stones actually kill also.
04:13:19.000 That's how good they are.
04:13:22.000 Oh, he's bringing the heat.
04:13:33.000 Yeah!
04:13:34.000 Look at those feet! 0.99
04:13:35.000 The shuffle!
04:13:37.000 You're just in the back.
04:13:38.000 You're some British guy in a sweater, turtleneck. 0.95
04:13:41.000 Oh, yeah.
04:13:42.000 Oh my god, this is amazing.
04:13:44.000 I mean, this is athleticism.
04:13:47.000 This isn't just, like, dancing.
04:13:48.000 Like, you have to learn how to do that.
04:13:50.000 Well, they're all on crank.
04:13:52.000 How do you know?
04:13:54.000 He's on serious drugs.
04:13:58.000 What were they on?
04:13:58.000 Coke?
04:13:59.000 Whatever they could find, bro.
04:14:00.000 Look at Hunter Biden.
04:14:01.000 Bro, look at his feet.
04:14:02.000 Yeah.
04:14:03.000 It's insane. 1.00
04:14:06.000 Damn! 1.00
04:14:07.000 Woo! 1.00
04:14:10.000 Bam! 0.98
04:14:11.000 There's one black lady. 1.00
04:14:12.000 Is that Michelle Obama?
04:14:13.000 Look at that.
04:14:14.000 No, he wasn't there. 0.81
04:14:17.000 She was gacked, that lady. 1.00
04:14:20.000 That lady's entrenched. 1.00
04:14:22.000 She's entranced by James Brown.
04:14:24.000 Look at him.
04:14:25.000 He's hypnotic.
04:14:27.000 He's the best.
04:14:27.000 Oh my god.
04:14:27.000 He is the best.
04:14:29.000 Hey, Jamie, play the Zaire one. 0.93
04:14:35.000 Zaire?
04:14:36.000 Yeah.
04:14:37.000 When Ali fought George Foreman, James Brown opened up the show.
04:14:44.000 Really?
04:14:45.000 Thrilling Manila.
04:14:46.000 Oh my god, it was an extravaganza.
04:14:50.000 That was in Manila.
04:14:51.000 It was in the Philippines.
04:14:55.000 Fear and Zaire?
04:14:56.000 The beginning of the downfall of Hunter Thompson.
04:14:59.000 Like you said, Fear and Zaire.
04:15:00.000 Because Hunter Thompson went there and didn't want to watch Muhammad Ali get beat up.
04:15:04.000 And so he stayed in his hotel and just drank and floated around in the pool with a Nixon mask on.
04:15:09.000 And he didn't even realize that he missed...
04:15:12.000 He got sent over there by Rolling Stones and missed the greatest...
04:15:15.000 Yeah, but he come back over to watch the Bunker motorcycle rally.
04:15:18.000 He didn't do that either.
04:15:19.000 Yeah, but this was important.
04:15:22.000 What a horrible hang.
04:15:23.000 This is James Brown live inside.
04:15:26.000 Watch this.
04:15:28.000 This man will make your bladder splatter.
04:15:32.000 Who's this guy?
04:15:33.000 This man will free me.
04:15:37.000 If you will, let's all welcome the world's guard for the cold.
04:15:41.000 Watch this.
04:15:47.000 There you go. 1.00
04:15:47.000 Damn. 1.00
04:15:48.000 For a boxing fight. 1.00
04:15:50.000 Watch this shit, son. 1.00
04:15:51.000 What an outfit. 1.00
04:15:52.000 Zanzibar, motherfucker. 1.00
04:15:53.000 Look at that stache on this guy. 1.00
04:15:56.000 Holy shit. 1.00
04:15:58.000 Right into it, baby. 1.00
04:16:00.000 Let's go.
04:16:01.000 Why even wear the outfit out there?
04:16:02.000 Great head of hair.
04:16:05.000 Come on, son.
04:16:06.000 Oh, wow.
04:16:07.000 Wow. 1.00
04:16:09.000 With the mic in the stand, bitch. 1.00
04:16:11.000 Yeah. 1.00
04:16:15.000 Godfather of Soul.
04:16:18.000 Jesus. 0.99
04:16:19.000 Goddamn, he was good! 0.99
04:16:21.000 Zaire! 1.00
04:16:32.000 Damn! 1.00
04:16:39.000 He's built like a running back, dude. 1.00
04:16:40.000 He's thick, dude.
04:16:42.000 He's so athletic and thick.
04:16:44.000 You had to be an athlete to do what he does on stage.
04:16:47.000 Crank.
04:16:48.000 Just the movement.
04:16:49.000 Crank. 0.99
04:16:51.000 I mean, that's a lot of fucking... 0.99
04:16:53.000 That's a lot of cranks. 1.00
04:16:54.000 It's a man's world. 1.00
04:16:59.000 Look at him.
04:17:00.000 They love it.
04:17:01.000 It's funky.
04:17:02.000 Imagine that's the opening for a fight. 0.70
04:17:05.000 I know, right?
04:17:05.000 It's not like Sinead doing one song.
04:17:07.000 Right!
04:17:08.000 I mean, this is James Brown opening for the...
04:17:11.000 This is Rope-A-Dope.
04:17:12.000 I mean, James Brown opens for Rope-A-Dope.
04:17:14.000 Yes.
04:17:15.000 That's crazy.
04:17:16.000 Everybody thought Ali was going to get killed.
04:17:19.000 George Foreman was a destroyer.
04:17:20.000 Royer.
04:17:21.000 Yeah.
04:17:21.000 He was just flatlining people.
04:17:23.000 You just couldn't stop him.
04:17:24.000 He just moved forward and just mowed you over with body punches.
04:17:28.000 He was huge.
04:17:29.000 He was so scary.
04:17:31.000 George was so...
04:17:32.000 He knocked out Joe Frazier.
04:17:33.000 It was like he lifted him up in the air when he knocked him out.
04:17:36.000 But then Frazier got beat up by...
04:17:38.000 Oh, this is when Jason Brown was crying.
04:17:40.000 Oh, here we go.
04:17:41.000 This is amazing. 1.00
04:17:42.000 A sex machine, baby. 1.00
04:17:44.000 He's yacked up. 1.00
04:17:45.000 He's trying to fuck this lady. 1.00
04:17:47.000 Huh. 1.00
04:17:48.000 Huh.
04:17:49.000 Okay.
04:17:50.000 No idea what to do.
04:17:51.000 Nothing wrong.
04:17:52.000 Nothing wrong at all.
04:17:53.000 You're not in any difficulty, but you're out on bond.
04:17:55.000 No, I'm not.
04:17:57.000 No, I'm not.
04:17:58.000 Have all the charges been dropped?
04:17:59.000 Yeah, I'm out on love.
04:18:01.000 Well, are you out on love or out of love?
04:18:05.000 Which is it?
04:18:06.000 Out on love.
04:18:07.000 A lonesome night tonight you find me.
04:18:16.000 Let's talk about some music.
04:18:18.000 You want to talk about music and you don't want to talk about what happened.
04:18:22.000 Well, let's talk about your tour.
04:18:23.000 When are you leaving?
04:18:24.000 We're leaving tomorrow.
04:18:25.000 Go to Rio de Janeiro.
04:18:27.000 Rio de Janeiro and San Paolo.
04:18:31.000 Your fans will have read all about this, James.
04:18:34.000 Aren't you concerned about that?
04:18:39.000 I'm concerned because there's nothing wrong.
04:18:44.000 Jesus Christ, that guy's...
04:18:46.000 Oh, man.
04:18:46.000 He's yacked up.
04:18:47.000 I've never been that high. 1.00
04:18:48.000 He looks like he's having a good fucking time. 1.00
04:18:50.000 Damn. 1.00
04:18:52.000 She's talking about, like, allegations of, like, what is it, domestic violence? 1.00
04:18:55.000 I think it's domestic violence. 1.00
04:18:56.000 He's like, nah, that's bullshit, baby. 1.00
04:18:59.000 Bro, do you remember when he got arrested because someone was using his toilet and he chased him with a fucking shotgun? 1.00
04:19:04.000 No! 0.99
04:19:04.000 And then he had a shootout with the cops? 0.99
04:19:06.000 The fucking cops chased him down, they shot his tires out? 1.00
04:19:09.000 Cops shot his tires out, bro! 1.00
04:19:11.000 Wow!
04:19:13.000 That was a good time.
04:19:14.000 I don't think he shot at the cops.
04:19:16.000 I shouldn't say a shootout with the cops, but the cops definitely shot his tires. 0.99
04:19:19.000 People still part like Richard Pryor shot his own fucking car. 1.00
04:19:23.000 Because his wife tried to leave. 1.00
04:19:24.000 Oh, wow.
04:19:25.000 Yeah, that's right.
04:19:26.000 He had a whole bit about it.
04:19:27.000 Yeah.
04:19:28.000 Jesus Christ.
04:19:28.000 That was like the slap with Chris Rock, because it was all over the news.
04:19:32.000 They shout out two of his tires and he drove on the rims for six miles.
04:19:39.000 High-speed chase through Georgia and South Carolina.
04:19:42.000 He tried to ram police cars with his pickup truck.
04:19:46.000 That's when that interview was from 88, so it was the same thing.
04:19:48.000 It was the same year?
04:19:49.000 Because of that?
04:19:50.000 Oh, he's like, who's out on that?
04:19:53.000 That was nothing.
04:19:55.000 I'm out of love.
04:19:56.000 I can't believe he got out.
04:19:57.000 You ran police cars?
04:19:59.000 That's amazing.
04:19:59.000 He got out of there.
04:20:01.000 Good lawyers.
04:20:02.000 Different times.
04:20:03.000 Wait, wait, wait.
04:20:03.000 No, that was later that year.
04:20:04.000 Are you going back in after that interview?
04:20:07.000 After the interview?
04:20:08.000 Yeah, hold on.
04:20:08.000 Let me see.
04:20:08.000 He learned nothing.
04:20:10.000 The interview says April 4th, 1988, and our arrest says on this day, December 15th, 1988. He began serving a sentence then.
04:20:18.000 Hold on.
04:20:18.000 Sorry.
04:20:19.000 How long did he do? 0.97
04:20:19.000 So he got mad because someone used his shitter. 0.97
04:20:22.000 That's what it all started from. 0.64
04:20:24.000 What do you mean?
04:20:25.000 He had a personal bathroom. 0.99
04:20:26.000 Someone took a shit in it. 0.99
04:20:27.000 He got super mad. 1.00
04:20:29.000 He just kept going.
04:20:30.000 Think of being that guy.
04:20:32.000 I just had a jump, dude.
04:20:34.000 I'm pretty sure that was the origin of it.
04:20:36.000 Think of being that guy.
04:20:37.000 You're around James Brown.
04:20:37.000 You've been around famous people.
04:20:39.000 Fuck, I don't want to piss him off. 1.00
04:20:40.000 I don't want to piss him off. 1.00
04:20:41.000 Goddamn, I gotta take a shit. 1.00
04:20:44.000 There's no way he's going to be mad about this. 1.00
04:20:46.000 He's not using the magic.
04:20:48.000 Shotgun gets on a high-speed chase.
04:20:50.000 Bro, could you imagine?
04:20:51.000 Chipotle. 1.00
04:20:53.000 Imagine Burt Kreischer's shit in James Brown's toilet, which he definitely would do. 1.00
04:20:59.000 Yeah, you have to. 1.00
04:21:01.000 Oh, fuck, we're putting it with James Brown! 1.00
04:21:03.000 Oh my god, I gotta take a shit. 1.00
04:21:04.000 And then he would come out, oh my god, I took a shit. 1.00
04:21:06.000 And James Brown would be like, wah, wah, wah, wah. 1.00
04:21:08.000 DCP habit.
04:21:10.000 What is a habit and what is you just enjoy it?
04:21:15.000 He's just trying to get through the day.
04:21:16.000 They're framing it this way.
04:21:18.000 Strangers were using his bathroom.
04:21:21.000 I can see that bathroom.
04:21:23.000 Waving a shotgun.
04:21:24.000 How are strangers using it?
04:21:25.000 Strangers were using his bathroom.
04:21:28.000 The police arrived.
04:21:29.000 Brown led them on a high-speed chase.
04:21:31.000 From Georgia and South Carolina.
04:21:32.000 He was like, I'm going past that line. 1.00
04:21:34.000 I don't give a fuck. 1.00
04:21:35.000 Damn, dude. 1.00
04:21:35.000 Taking PCP and someone takes a dump in your toilet and you got a gun? 1.00
04:21:39.000 You're gonna stand your ground.
04:21:40.000 Oh, Brown went to jail at age 15 for breaking into cars.
04:21:44.000 Nice.
04:21:44.000 Really?
04:21:45.000 He sang in the prison choir and started a band when he got out.
04:21:47.000 Wow!
04:21:48.000 Hell yeah! 0.95
04:21:50.000 This is when rock stars were rock stars.
04:21:52.000 Oh, bro, he was the rockiest of rock stars, man.
04:21:54.000 He rules. 1.00
04:21:55.000 He was such a bad motherfucker. 1.00
04:21:57.000 The movie wasn't bad about him. 1.00
04:21:59.000 The guy killed it, the actor.
04:22:00.000 Who?
04:22:01.000 I forget.
04:22:02.000 Who's done the best, like, biopic of a famous musician?
04:22:06.000 Joaquin Phoenix?
04:22:07.000 Val Kilmer, Doors.
04:22:09.000 Oh, that was a good one.
04:22:10.000 That was cool.
04:22:10.000 He actually kind of went a little crazy during the film.
04:22:13.000 Walk the Line was pretty good.
04:22:14.000 Walk the Line was pretty great.
04:22:15.000 Yeah, that was good.
04:22:16.000 You know what?
04:22:17.000 I don't think there's a number one.
04:22:19.000 Because that is Walk the Line. 0.95
04:22:20.000 It's pretty fucking amazing. 0.98
04:22:21.000 Back to the Future. 0.98
04:22:24.000 Dewey Cox.
04:22:24.000 Dewey Cox rules.
04:22:26.000 Yeah, who else?
04:22:27.000 Someone's cutting hands.
04:22:28.000 Who else was there?
04:22:29.000 Big English, Doc.
04:22:30.000 We ain't scientists.
04:22:33.000 What else was there? 0.99
04:22:34.000 Val Kilmer fucking killed it. 1.00
04:22:36.000 He did kill it. 1.00
04:22:37.000 Jim Morrison though. 0.99
04:22:38.000 Jim Morrison sucked. 1.00
04:22:40.000 As a human. 1.00
04:22:41.000 As a human.
04:22:42.000 What do you know about? 0.52
04:22:43.000 As a human, he's so annoying.
04:22:46.000 It's like, okay, it's deep, but it's like, oh my god, can you imagine being around that guy? 0.96
04:22:50.000 Pretentious.
04:22:50.000 But also...
04:22:51.000 Look at that.
04:22:52.000 You want to hang out with that guy?
04:22:54.000 But also...
04:22:55.000 This is the end.
04:22:57.000 He was 27. Good point.
04:23:00.000 He was 27 in 1969. Nobody knew anything.
04:23:04.000 We were all moonbeams in the sun of the horizon.
04:23:07.000 Everybody was guessing.
04:23:07.000 Couldn't get it up.
04:23:08.000 Yeah, that does suck. 0.77
04:23:09.000 Come on, dude. 0.97
04:23:10.000 Can we just drink?
04:23:11.000 We are all temporal in this plane of humanity.
04:23:15.000 I'll tell you who killed it was Jim Carrey as Kaufman. 0.71
04:23:17.000 Yeah.
04:23:18.000 That was pretty impressive.
04:23:19.000 Not a musician.
04:23:20.000 Another guy who kind of went a little crazy doing a role.
04:23:23.000 A little.
04:23:24.000 Yeah.
04:23:24.000 Man, how good is that Chappelle joke?
04:23:26.000 What?
04:23:27.000 Ah, never mind.
04:23:28.000 Say it!
04:23:29.000 I don't want to ruin the joke.
04:23:31.000 Can you edit this out?
04:23:32.000 No, don't.
04:23:34.000 We'll talk about it afterwards.
04:23:35.000 It's so good.
04:23:36.000 Remember it.
04:23:36.000 Oh, it's a new bit.
04:23:39.000 The biopic is tricky, because did they really fucking say that? 0.91
04:23:43.000 Do you know if they said that for sure? 0.96
04:23:44.000 What's that?
04:23:45.000 A biopic.
04:23:46.000 Like, how do I know what he said?
04:23:50.000 But that was not a musician.
04:23:51.000 But again, we don't know if he was actually like that.
04:23:53.000 He looked exactly like that, though. 0.99
04:23:55.000 Good job, fucking Daniel Day-Lewis. 0.99
04:23:58.000 He's the man. 1.00
04:24:00.000 He's the best.
04:24:00.000 He's an Irish Catholic actor.
04:24:02.000 He's the only guy that I've ever seen.
04:24:04.000 Ain't no Scientologist. 1.00
04:24:07.000 Ain't no goddamn fucking Buddhist. 1.00
04:24:08.000 He's just a good Catholic. 1.00
04:24:09.000 There is no Daniel Day-Lewis.
04:24:11.000 You know what I'm talking about, Jamie?
04:24:12.000 That's a good Irish man.
04:24:13.000 Jamie, speak up, boy.
04:24:16.000 Don't just sit back there smiling.
04:24:19.000 He was the best boxer ever, actor-turned-boxer for a movie.
04:24:23.000 He looked like a real boxer.
04:24:25.000 He spent a whole year training at a legit boxing job.
04:24:28.000 See, that's the thing.
04:24:29.000 You know fighting.
04:24:30.000 When you watch Rocky, it's comical.
04:24:33.000 If I watch a football movie, it destroys me.
04:24:37.000 Or a comedy movie.
04:24:38.000 A comedy movie?
04:24:39.000 Like, there's no lockers.
04:24:41.000 We don't have lockers.
04:24:43.000 Actually, we were thinking about putting in lockers at the mothership.
04:24:45.000 It's not a bad idea.
04:24:46.000 I mean, you should, but there were none.
04:24:49.000 Hurt Locker.
04:24:50.000 Yeah, let the door guys have lockers.
04:24:51.000 Let them put their shirt in there. 1.00
04:24:53.000 We do have lockers for those guys.
04:24:55.000 Oh yeah, leave some scars in there or some cigarettes or something.
04:24:58.000 Yeah, yeah.
04:24:59.000 Stuff like that.
04:24:59.000 Some weed.
04:25:00.000 Shut the fuck up! 1.00
04:25:01.000 Some need of cocaine. 1.00
04:25:06.000 For me, it's pool. 0.99
04:25:07.000 When people pretend they can play pool, it drives me fucking crazy. 0.96
04:25:12.000 Color Money's okay, because Tom Cruise is... 0.99
04:25:14.000 Look, the guy's amazing.
04:25:16.000 Tom Cruise rules.
04:25:17.000 Tom Cruise is a wizard.
04:25:18.000 He doesn't really look like a pool player, but he kind of does.
04:25:22.000 It's enough where it's not offensive, but Paul Newman was a little offensive.
04:25:25.000 White men can't jump? 1.00
04:25:26.000 Both Woody and Denzel were fucking... 1.00
04:25:29.000 They can play. 1.00
04:25:29.000 Great movie. 1.00
04:25:31.000 Basketball's another one.
04:25:32.000 You see a guy shoot a jumper, you're like, this is terrible.
04:25:34.000 I would imagine if like...
04:25:36.000 Did you ever see Will Ferrell in that whatever?
04:25:40.000 Pew, pew.
04:25:43.000 But yeah, Rocky, you see him swing, and there's like a foot and a half between him and the guy.
04:25:48.000 It's also just nothing but haymakers to the face.
04:25:51.000 Yeah, exactly.
04:25:52.000 Exactly.
04:25:53.000 Pull up Daniel Day-Lewis in The Boxer.
04:25:56.000 It's pretty impressive.
04:25:56.000 I've never heard of The Boxer.
04:25:57.000 You've never heard of The Boxer?
04:25:59.000 No.
04:25:59.000 It's about an IRA guy, right?
04:26:02.000 Yeah.
04:26:02.000 But it's like, when you watch the film, he looks like a real boxer.
04:26:07.000 And he wasn't. 1.00
04:26:08.000 The fucking guy just figured it out. 1.00
04:26:10.000 He's a gay actor. 1.00
04:26:12.000 Is he gay? 0.95
04:26:12.000 He's just following it all. 0.95
04:26:14.000 No, but actors are gay. 0.98
04:26:15.000 Daniel Gay. 0.98
04:26:16.000 If he was this good at acting.
04:26:17.000 Is there any boxing footage in this?
04:26:19.000 There it is.
04:26:20.000 97. Underrated good-looking guy, Daniel Gay.
04:26:26.000 Michael Lewis.
04:26:28.000 So here's the...
04:26:28.000 So look, when you're watching this, this looks like a real boxing match.
04:26:33.000 Really?
04:26:34.000 From the 50s? 1.00
04:26:35.000 No, no, it looks like big shit. 1.00
04:26:37.000 Yeah, you're right. 1.00
04:26:38.000 It does.
04:26:38.000 He looks like a boxer.
04:26:40.000 I mean, obviously they're pulling their punches, but he looks like a real boxer.
04:26:44.000 He's using head movement.
04:26:45.000 He's not just wading in, throwing power punches.
04:26:48.000 They're ducking under.
04:26:49.000 This is legit.
04:26:50.000 It's a lot of action.
04:26:51.000 Yeah, that's pretty good.
04:26:52.000 It's a lot of action.
04:26:52.000 Yeah.
04:26:53.000 But that looks legit.
04:26:54.000 That looks legit to me.
04:26:56.000 That's like non-offensive.
04:26:58.000 It's a lot of action.
04:26:59.000 Of course.
04:27:00.000 There's not much stopping there.
04:27:01.000 But sometimes there's fights like that.
04:27:03.000 Every now and then a fight breaks out like that.
04:27:04.000 Especially like amateur fights in Ireland.
04:27:06.000 Yeah, I mean it's not going to be a lot of defense. 1.00
04:27:08.000 I'll beat your ass now, man. 1.00
04:27:10.000 Good days indeed. 1.00
04:27:11.000 Yeah, I don't think it was an amateur, but it was still...
04:27:14.000 Yeah, he did it well.
04:27:15.000 That's a legitimate scenario.
04:27:17.000 I've seen that happen in fights before. 0.97
04:27:18.000 Kevin Costner, that pitching movie was pretty shitty.
04:27:21.000 But as a golf, he was pretty good. 0.53
04:27:23.000 Yeah.
04:27:24.000 Remember Paul...
04:27:25.000 As a golf.
04:27:27.000 When did this go away?
04:27:28.000 Remember this?
04:27:28.000 Why did that go away?
04:27:29.000 Oh, yeah.
04:27:30.000 I can tell you if you want to know.
04:27:34.000 Black people? 0.81
04:27:34.000 Yeah, let's hear it. 0.81
04:27:35.000 Because they didn't have gloves on.
04:27:37.000 And when you don't have gloves on, one of the things you realize really early on is that you break these knuckles when you swing wild punches and you catch people in their foreheads. 1.00
04:27:45.000 If you catch people in their foreheads, you're gonna fuck your fucking hands up. 0.99
04:27:48.000 Like, almost all the time. 1.00
04:27:50.000 So a lot of guys learned how to just kind of jab at you with these knuckles.
04:27:55.000 So they were hitting at each- No, no, this is the way you punched people.
04:27:59.000 They would jab at each other with these knuckles.
04:28:01.000 So they'd stand there like this and they'd jab at each other with these knuckles.
04:28:05.000 Because these knuckles can tolerate bones.
04:28:07.000 And these knuckles can't?
04:28:08.000 These knuckles break.
04:28:09.000 These over here break.
04:28:10.000 And which can?
04:28:11.000 These two.
04:28:11.000 These two right here.
04:28:13.000 If you're gonna break bricks.
04:28:15.000 If you're gonna break bricks.
04:28:17.000 These are the ones.
04:28:18.000 These are the ones.
04:28:19.000 Okay, breaking bricks.
04:28:20.000 I cracked this one once and I didn't even have to have surgery on it.
04:28:23.000 They're thick.
04:28:24.000 It's like a thick bone.
04:28:25.000 It'll heal up.
04:28:26.000 But a lot of guys, they break these down here.
04:28:29.000 They break this down here.
04:28:30.000 So what guys figured out how to do is to kind of jab each other with these bare knuckles.
04:28:36.000 And if you watch like bare knuckle boxing, Like, they're kind of doing that now a little bit.
04:28:40.000 They're tense up, and they're throwing big punches like a boxer, too, but they're also kind of jabbing each other every now and then with knuckles.
04:28:48.000 Because you want to catch them with just these front two.
04:28:51.000 Those are really your primary weapons in your hand.
04:28:53.000 If you hit someone right here with the pinky on the forehead, it's touch and go, man.
04:28:56.000 You could shatter your whole hand. 0.54
04:28:58.000 And then you have one hand.
04:29:00.000 That's why I stick to sleep.
04:29:02.000 This is a different story here because their hands are very wrapped, like their knuckles are covered, so their hands are protected.
04:29:16.000 What they're doing right here is a different thing. 0.99
04:29:20.000 Damn! 0.99
04:29:21.000 These guys have, like, some thick-ass hand wraps on. 1.00
04:29:24.000 You see when he's making his fist with his right hand? 0.86
04:29:26.000 See how thick that is?
04:29:28.000 That's a padding.
04:29:29.000 That'll allow you to punch harder.
04:29:30.000 See, this is the thing.
04:29:31.000 This is the rub against gloves.
04:29:33.000 That truly blows, dude.
04:29:34.000 Is that it's unrealistic. 1.00
04:29:35.000 That fucking blows. 0.99
04:29:36.000 Whatever that was. 1.00
04:29:36.000 Look how bloody he is, though. 1.00
04:29:38.000 Yeah, this is much more realistic. 0.76
04:29:40.000 So these guys have stings.
04:29:42.000 Oh, wow!
04:29:44.000 Wait, play that back.
04:29:46.000 Oh, my God.
04:29:47.000 Oh! 0.60
04:29:48.000 He just walks away.
04:29:49.000 I love the walk away.
04:29:50.000 Look at the crip.
04:29:51.000 Oh, this is grease.
04:29:53.000 He's in the coffin.
04:29:53.000 He got stiffened up.
04:29:57.000 That's a perfect punch.
04:29:58.000 Perfect Viagra.
04:30:00.000 This guy's stiff.
04:30:01.000 Rigamortis.
04:30:04.000 Woo! 0.99
04:30:04.000 Hachi machi! 0.99
04:30:05.000 So this is a different thing. 0.97
04:30:06.000 A black guy got over there and started wailing on us? 0.98
04:30:09.000 No, he's not black. 0.99
04:30:10.000 What?
04:30:11.000 Is he?
04:30:12.000 Yeah.
04:30:13.000 No, you're done.
04:30:14.000 Samurai.
04:30:15.000 You're done, bro.
04:30:15.000 I don't see color.
04:30:16.000 It's over for you.
04:30:16.000 You're canceled.
04:30:18.000 Is he black?
04:30:19.000 I think he's an Ethiopian.
04:30:21.000 Bro, that guy fought with jeans on.
04:30:25.000 They pulled that guy off a horse and gave him a six pack.
04:30:31.000 Time to throw down, son.
04:30:34.000 The slap won't catch on.
04:30:37.000 Bro, here's the crazy thing about the slap. 0.99
04:30:40.000 Will Smith, they fucking drug test those dudes. 0.99
04:30:43.000 They should never. 1.00
04:30:46.000 That's like drug testing snowboarders. 1.00
04:30:49.000 That's so dumb. 0.99
04:30:50.000 They're like, what are you doing? 1.00
04:30:52.000 They drug for everything.
04:30:53.000 Why?
04:30:54.000 Don't test for meth.
04:30:55.000 Let the boys do meth.
04:30:56.000 Let the boys do what they do.
04:30:58.000 It's sanctioned by the State Athletic Commission.
04:31:01.000 Dang.
04:31:02.000 They have to treat it like it's a sport.
04:31:03.000 That's crazy.
04:31:04.000 What?
04:31:04.000 How?
04:31:05.000 What?
04:31:06.000 Huh?
04:31:06.000 Yeah.
04:31:07.000 Guys, it's joke fighting.
04:31:08.000 Who cares?
04:31:09.000 Let them do meth. 0.99
04:31:10.000 Let them get drunk.
04:31:11.000 None of us care about this.
04:31:13.000 Let them do a little PCP. Let's see.
04:31:15.000 Let's have a PCP fucking division. 1.00
04:31:17.000 They would let them be. 1.00
04:31:18.000 The guys only just fucking. 0.99
04:31:20.000 That would be fun. 0.99
04:31:21.000 This has to have been discussed before, but a drug by drug division?
04:31:25.000 Dermot drug.
04:31:26.000 Yeah, only drug champion.
04:31:27.000 The pot champion.
04:31:28.000 The cocaine champion.
04:31:29.000 The heroin one's gonna be real boring.
04:31:31.000 You could totally have a meth champion.
04:31:34.000 Meth champion would be the one. 1.00
04:31:36.000 You have to do meth before the fights.
04:31:38.000 Maybe some angel dust.
04:31:39.000 Or PCP. That's the one.
04:31:41.000 It'd be Khabib every time. 1.00
04:31:42.000 It'd be Khabib McGregor every time.
04:31:44.000 He'd win and be like...
04:31:47.000 Palance allowed.
04:31:49.000 Next person.
04:31:52.000 Jesus Christ.
04:31:53.000 Yeah, it's kind of wild that we let people fight, but we don't let them fight on drugs.
04:31:56.000 Yeah, go for it.
04:31:57.000 Do whatever you want.
04:31:58.000 I mean, that would be like the ultimate freedom.
04:32:01.000 The ultimate freedom is you can fight on drugs.
04:32:02.000 Do whatever you want.
04:32:03.000 That's what the UFC was based on.
04:32:04.000 Do whatever you want.
04:32:05.000 Fight.
04:32:06.000 We guys know about high rollers, right?
04:32:08.000 No.
04:32:08.000 High rollers is the weed competition where they do jujitsu when they get high first and then like elite jujitsu guys have jujitsu matches.
04:32:15.000 What?
04:32:15.000 Slows everything down?
04:32:17.000 Yeah, not really.
04:32:18.000 It actually makes you focus.
04:32:19.000 Yeah, that's what I mean.
04:32:20.000 It's like, that guy's about to shoot.
04:32:22.000 Well, it just makes you like much more focused than what's going on for some strange reason.
04:32:27.000 I don't know how you guys do it.
04:32:28.000 Like you guys perform high? 0.98
04:32:29.000 Crazy.
04:32:31.000 I can't think of anything.
04:32:32.000 That's Joe Schilling.
04:32:33.000 Oh, you just don't know.
04:32:34.000 Joe Schilling was maybe the number one man.
04:32:37.000 Yeah, he's an elite kickboxer.
04:32:40.000 Yeah, you do it because it's fun, Mark Norman.
04:32:43.000 It just slows everything down where you're like, I see everything going on.
04:32:47.000 It's almost like The Matrix.
04:32:48.000 You're like, oh, wait, hold on.
04:32:50.000 For me, it always gives me revelations that I didn't know I was going to get.
04:32:53.000 You fight high?
04:32:54.000 You roll high?
04:32:55.000 Yeah, I used to always roll high.
04:32:57.000 We never used to.
04:32:59.000 I haven't rolled in like over a year.
04:33:01.000 No! 0.96
04:33:03.000 I was starting to do it again, but I've got a elk hunting season, and I'm like, I don't want to fuck my knees up before I go elk hunting. 0.98
04:33:11.000 Fair, fair.
04:33:12.000 So around November, I'm going to start doing it again.
04:33:14.000 Yeah, I had a knee problem that was very...
04:33:17.000 I tore my MCL. I tore it going on stage at Stubbs.
04:33:22.000 What?
04:33:23.000 You tore on stage?
04:33:24.000 No, I tore it going up the stairs. 1.00
04:33:26.000 It was so stupid, dude. 1.00
04:33:27.000 How? 1.00
04:33:28.000 Because we were doing the Chappelle shows, and we were just fucking obliterated backstage. 0.99
04:33:34.000 And I had to go up the stairs, and I was turning my phone to airplane mode, and I stubbed my fucking phone. 0.99
04:33:44.000 Stubs. 0.98
04:33:44.000 Up these stairs, like, there's these concrete stubs. 0.98
04:33:48.000 And I twisted my knee, like, bad.
04:33:50.000 And then when I was on stage, my knee was shaking.
04:33:53.000 Like, shaking, because it's in physical pain.
04:33:55.000 It's like, yikes! 0.99
04:33:57.000 It fucking hurts! 0.99
04:33:58.000 Did you mention it or you pushed through? 0.99
04:34:00.000 I should have mentioned it.
04:34:01.000 But then I didn't know what to do with it.
04:34:02.000 Because I hadn't done stand-up in a long time, and I was just starting to do stand-up again, because it was during the pandemic.
04:34:08.000 Now, I would definitely mention it.
04:34:10.000 Wait, you must think Jiu-Jitsu is kind of like your life, to a degree.
04:34:14.000 It's a part of my life.
04:34:16.000 But you must know, you're not going to do it in 90. Ilio Gracie did.
04:34:21.000 Okay, but you were like, there's going to be a time where I'm like, I've got to stop that.
04:34:24.000 Yeah, you could still do it as long as you do it with people like you that have good control. 0.99
04:34:28.000 The whole idea is you don't want to get like a spastic young quarterback, fucking jacked super athlete to fucking throw you around and hurt you. 1.00
04:34:37.000 Yeah. 0.99
04:34:37.000 But a lot of guys, there's like a lot of guys that roll like deep into their 60s. 0.99
04:34:41.000 Wow.
04:34:42.000 Yeah.
04:34:42.000 They just do it with smart people.
04:34:44.000 Al Bundy.
04:34:44.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
04:34:45.000 Al Bundy.
04:34:46.000 Yeah.
04:34:47.000 Yeah, Ed O'Neal.
04:34:48.000 Ed O'Neal is a legit black belt. 0.99
04:34:49.000 Shut up. 1.00
04:34:50.000 Wow. 1.00
04:34:50.000 Yes, he is. 1.00
04:34:50.000 No way. 1.00
04:34:51.000 Yes, he is.
04:34:52.000 He looks like a dad.
04:34:53.000 No, Ed O'Neal absolutely is a legit jiu-jitsu black belt.
04:34:58.000 Married with children?
04:34:58.000 Yep, yep.
04:34:59.000 He's legit.
04:35:01.000 Rolls of people.
04:35:01.000 Yep, there he is.
04:35:03.000 Holy shit. 0.99
04:35:04.000 Yeah, he's legit. 0.99
04:35:04.000 I just randomly, by chance, was on a flight with him once. 0.99
04:35:08.000 No way!
04:35:09.000 Totally randomly.
04:35:10.000 He sat right next to me, and we talked about jiu-jitsu the entire time.
04:35:13.000 Get out of here! 0.99
04:35:14.000 Yeah, we just talked about jiu-jitsu.
04:35:15.000 Wow!
04:35:17.000 Just a couple of black belts chilling in first class.
04:35:20.000 Are you black belt?
04:35:22.000 Yeah, I've been a black belt for a long time.
04:35:23.000 That was a little McGregor.
04:35:24.000 Bravo, black. 0.88
04:35:25.000 No, I'm John Jack Machado, too.
04:35:27.000 John Jack Machado, wow.
04:35:28.000 Guy and Ogie. 0.99
04:35:31.000 We got in a pool with Vincent D'Onofrio yesterday, so I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. 0.98
04:35:36.000 Is he still around? 1.00
04:35:37.000 He's out of the fucking hotel. 1.00
04:35:39.000 Vince is jacked, by the way. 1.00
04:35:41.000 Really?
04:35:41.000 He's looking good.
04:35:42.000 He was fucking big, dude. 0.98
04:35:43.000 Pull up Vince's age. 0.99
04:35:45.000 How old is that guy? 0.99
04:35:46.000 Because he was fucking jacked. 0.99
04:35:47.000 I just got him confused. 0.99
04:35:49.000 You said Vincent D'Onofrio.
04:35:51.000 You thought Stephen Hawking.
04:35:52.000 Vincent Gallo.
04:35:53.000 Very different.
04:35:54.000 Remember the Buffalo 66 guy?
04:35:56.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
04:35:56.000 Brown bunny.
04:35:57.000 Not so tough.
04:35:58.000 Oh, that guy!
04:35:59.000 He's jacked now! 0.97
04:36:00.000 He's jacked, bro. 0.98
04:36:01.000 I would say jacked. 0.52
04:36:02.000 Really? 0.90
04:36:02.000 He was jacked, bro. 0.90
04:36:03.000 But he's like hanging in there for an old guy.
04:36:06.000 No, no, no, no.
04:36:07.000 I saw him get out of the pool. 1.00
04:36:08.000 He was fucking for real. 0.99
04:36:09.000 I saw him? 1.00
04:36:09.000 He was jacked for jacked. 1.00
04:36:10.000 He was pretty fucking jacked. 1.00
04:36:11.000 He was stronger than any of us. 0.99
04:36:12.000 Bro, how good was he in Full Metal Jack?
04:36:15.000 Wait, how old are we talking?
04:36:16.000 64. Oh, 64. He's fucking strong.
04:36:19.000 He looked good for 64. He looked about 64. He's got some hair still. 0.99
04:36:23.000 Yeah, grey but full.
04:36:26.000 How good was that guy in Full Metal Giant?
04:36:28.000 The best.
04:36:28.000 He looks better than that.
04:36:29.000 You know what else he was great in?
04:36:31.000 What? 0.99
04:36:31.000 The fucking Alien movie. 0.99
04:36:32.000 Man in Black. 1.00
04:36:33.000 Man in Black.
04:36:34.000 He was great in it.
04:36:35.000 Man in Black. 0.99
04:36:35.000 He was fucking amazing. 0.99
04:36:36.000 I'm not an alien. 0.99
04:36:37.000 I'm just running a bodega.
04:36:39.000 Enough of your rules, dude. 0.99
04:36:40.000 He was fucking great in that movie. 0.98
04:36:42.000 I mean, to have a guy who's like a serious actor go hard in on being a bug inside a human suit. 0.99
04:36:48.000 He's also Kingpin. 1.00
04:36:49.000 Holy shit. 1.00
04:36:51.000 Good Kingpin. 1.00
04:36:51.000 He got fat. 1.00
04:36:52.000 Is this in the new?
04:36:54.000 He's Kingpin in the new one?
04:36:55.000 Newer ones?
04:36:56.000 Hey! 0.99
04:36:57.000 Good kid!
04:36:57.000 D'Onofrio rules, dude!
04:36:59.000 D'Onofrio rules, I told you.
04:37:00.000 We were at the pool, you were trying to be a naysay. 1.00
04:37:03.000 That's Ari, though. 0.99
04:37:04.000 Disgusting, being a naysay. 1.00
04:37:05.000 I'd say, once he started doing TV, like all actors, the career goes pretty downhill. 0.97
04:37:09.000 That's crazy talk.
04:37:10.000 All his greatest stuff was before CSI. It's crazy, you're being nasty though. 0.85
04:37:15.000 It's a rough one. 0.90
04:37:16.000 It's not a rough one.
04:37:18.000 He did it for a decade.
04:37:19.000 I'm now a TV guy instead of a film.
04:37:21.000 He did it for a decade.
04:37:22.000 He's back in movies.
04:37:23.000 Yeah, but it's just the thing about those shows are so shallow.
04:37:26.000 Shallow.
04:37:27.000 In comparison to the movies that he's done.
04:37:29.000 When you've done Full Metal Jacket, I get it.
04:37:31.000 You talk to the guy who hosted Fear Factor.
04:37:34.000 I know about selling out.
04:37:36.000 But the problem is when you're doing that, when you're that good, Yeah, TV's a different...
04:37:41.000 TV's chaff.
04:37:43.000 TV's good now, though.
04:37:45.000 You got your Breaking Bad, your Mad Men.
04:37:48.000 That's true, too.
04:37:49.000 He did the best he could for CSI, but after that, 2001, he wasn't the same guy.
04:37:55.000 What are you talking about? 0.98
04:37:56.000 You don't know shit about his career. 0.99
04:37:57.000 You saw him in person. 0.99
04:38:00.000 You didn't know it was him.
04:38:00.000 Yeah, I said you were dating out of your league.
04:38:04.000 We looked over, there was a lady sitting, not next to him, but a chair over. 0.98
04:38:07.000 I don't want to put any smut on Vince, dude.
04:38:09.000 You're the man.
04:38:10.000 Shout out.
04:38:11.000 Shout out Vince, dude.
04:38:12.000 Shout out Vogue from MIB, dude.
04:38:14.000 We love you.
04:38:17.000 But I looked at these guys, I was like, yo, you see that?
04:38:22.000 And he was like, yeah, not.
04:38:25.000 No, no.
04:38:26.000 That's his age.
04:38:27.000 That's the same.
04:38:28.000 He was saying, no. 0.98
04:38:30.000 I was saying, yo, do you think that's the guy from fucking Full Metal Jam? 0.95
04:38:33.000 Yeah, he called it. 0.95
04:38:33.000 But I was going, no, that guy's not like an older guy dating a young woman. 0.95
04:38:36.000 You guys are the same age.
04:38:37.000 We are.
04:38:38.000 What?
04:38:40.000 You and Bug.
04:38:40.000 Early 70s.
04:38:42.000 Look at that makeup job. 1.00
04:38:43.000 Killer. 1.00
04:38:44.000 That fucking movie was fun. 1.00
04:38:45.000 Good movie. 1.00
04:38:46.000 MLC was great.
04:38:47.000 Every MLC is good, dude.
04:38:48.000 They're all good. 0.99
04:38:49.000 We need a good fucking alien movie. 0.99
04:38:52.000 Yeah. 0.99
04:38:53.000 You ever see Attack the Block?
04:38:55.000 Who?
04:38:55.000 Attack the block.
04:38:56.000 Fucking ruled. 1.00
04:38:57.000 What, aliens attack black people? 1.00
04:38:58.000 Yeah. 0.99
04:38:59.000 That's hilarious.
04:38:59.000 Pretty much it.
04:39:00.000 Yeah, in England.
04:39:02.000 Really?
04:39:03.000 Yeah. 1.00
04:39:03.000 Attack the fucking ghetto in England. 1.00
04:39:05.000 What? 1.00
04:39:06.000 For real?
04:39:07.000 They hold their own.
04:39:08.000 What year was this?
04:39:08.000 It's like 2012. Something like that.
04:39:11.000 Right around there.
04:39:11.000 What?
04:39:11.000 Attack the block?
04:39:13.000 Yeah, it's like some teenagers in London and they fucking fight the aliens. 0.99
04:39:25.000 That's another Tom Cruise movie. 0.98
04:39:27.000 War of Worlds.
04:39:31.000 War of the Worlds rules. 0.98
04:39:33.000 Pretty fucking good. 0.97
04:39:34.000 I think Tom Cruise rules. 0.99
04:39:36.000 He rules.
04:39:37.000 I've got a deep-seated argument with my friends that he's not top ten.
04:39:43.000 No.
04:39:44.000 He's number one by far.
04:39:46.000 Um, for blockbusters?
04:39:48.000 No, exactly.
04:39:49.000 That's where the argument changes.
04:39:50.000 Where it's like, superstar or blockbuster?
04:39:52.000 He's the guy.
04:39:53.000 It's by whose definition is he number one?
04:39:54.000 I know, this is why it's a good bar argument.
04:39:57.000 For decades, he was...
04:39:58.000 Oh, the new Tom Cruise movie.
04:40:00.000 Okay, Brad Pitt.
04:40:02.000 No, not as big as Tom Cruise.
04:40:04.000 Behind him?
04:40:04.000 No, but here's Leonardo DiCaprio.
04:40:06.000 Behind him.
04:40:07.000 Nah, Leo's good.
04:40:08.000 Not as long.
04:40:09.000 Here's the thing about Tom Cruise.
04:40:11.000 Tom Hanks.
04:40:12.000 Not as big.
04:40:13.000 Jack Nicholson.
04:40:14.000 Tom Hanks is not as big as Tom Hanks.
04:40:17.000 What are you kidding?
04:40:17.000 Nicholson?
04:40:18.000 Tom's huge.
04:40:19.000 Tom who?
04:40:19.000 Hanks.
04:40:20.000 No, but he's not as respected as Tom Cruise.
04:40:22.000 He's been in a lot of movies.
04:40:23.000 I don't know.
04:40:24.000 I think he's more likable.
04:40:25.000 The Vampire was so long ago.
04:40:27.000 Here's one thing you have to consider.
04:40:28.000 Collateral is killing Michael Mann.
04:40:54.000 He's amazing.
04:40:55.000 He thinks he's better than all those guys.
04:40:57.000 No one's bigger than Tom Hanks.
04:40:59.000 You don't know anything.
04:41:00.000 I don't watch movies and waste my time.
04:41:03.000 He's in Goldmember, too.
04:41:04.000 Oh, you're saying not right?
04:41:07.000 Get DiCaprio up.
04:41:08.000 Fire DiCaprio.
04:41:09.000 No one goes out like, here's a DiCaprio movie.
04:41:12.000 There's a Tom Hanks movie.
04:41:16.000 I'm going to see a Tom Cruise movie.
04:41:18.000 Schwarzenegger movie. 1.00
04:41:19.000 Shit like that. 1.00
04:41:19.000 The Jango? 1.00
04:41:20.000 No, no.
04:41:21.000 You go like, I'm going to Tarantino.
04:41:22.000 That's a Tarantino movie.
04:41:23.000 That's not a DiCaprio movie.
04:41:25.000 The Revenant?
04:41:27.000 Sure, but five, six movies tops.
04:41:29.000 Okay, Ari's a hater. 1.00
04:41:30.000 This is crazy.
04:41:31.000 Not a hater, I'm just saying.
04:41:32.000 Wolf of Wall Street?
04:41:33.000 Tom Cruise, Schwarzenegger, you're going to see them.
04:41:36.000 Hold on, hold on.
04:41:37.000 He put out Gangs of New York, I think within the same week he put out Catch Me as...
04:41:41.000 That's great, but you're not going to see a DiCaprio movie.
04:41:45.000 Yes, you are.
04:41:45.000 What are you doing?
04:41:46.000 Sheldon Island was bigger than God's Gangs of New York.
04:41:48.000 No.
04:41:49.000 Gangs of New York was the director.
04:41:50.000 You're going to see a director's movie. 1.00
04:41:52.000 You're a drunk old Jew. 1.00
04:41:53.000 Wait, hold on. 1.00
04:41:54.000 If you're going to see Gangs of New York, who are you going to show up for?
04:41:59.000 Scorsese.
04:42:00.000 Scorsese, exactly.
04:42:01.000 I'm going to see a new Scorsese movie, not a DiCaprio movie.
04:42:04.000 If you're going to see Aliens, who are you going to see?
04:42:07.000 Yeah, but people do go to see the DiCaprio movies too.
04:42:11.000 Ridley Scott.
04:42:12.000 Yes, exactly.
04:42:14.000 Wait, what's your argument?
04:42:15.000 I'm going to see a new Tom Cruise movie.
04:42:18.000 Schwarzenegger, Stallone.
04:42:19.000 When's the last time you went to a movie and said, I'm going to see the Tom Cruise movie?
04:42:23.000 Every Tom Cruise movie.
04:42:24.000 This is also like Steven Spielberg, though, so there's a little bit of St. Mark's.
04:42:27.000 There's overlap.
04:42:28.000 There's overlap.
04:42:29.000 Yeah, for sure.
04:42:30.000 People always go to Spielberg's movies.
04:42:32.000 It's crazy, though.
04:42:33.000 Always.
04:42:33.000 No, you go see Tarantino movies.
04:42:36.000 Okay, okay.
04:42:37.000 What about this?
04:42:37.000 If somebody's in a Tarantino movie, you're like, that's great, he's in it.
04:42:39.000 I understand.
04:42:40.000 But I'm still going to see a Tarantino movie.
04:42:42.000 All right.
04:42:42.000 That was one movie.
04:42:44.000 Wait, wait, wait.
04:42:45.000 With Kindergarten Cop, you're like, I'm going to see the new Schwarzenegger movie.
04:42:49.000 Okay, nobody's comparing Kindergarten Cop to Leonardo DiCaprio's I know.
04:42:53.000 And I'm saying, Leonardo DiCaprio, you're not going to see his movies.
04:42:59.000 Yes, you are.
04:42:59.000 No.
04:43:00.000 You're going to see movies in.
04:43:01.000 Ari, you're not, but some people are.
04:43:03.000 Why is that so hard to understand?
04:43:04.000 I'm saying more so, you're going to see a Tom Cruise movie because Tom Cruise is in it. 0.90
04:43:08.000 If you're dumb enough to go see a Tom Cruise movie, you're going, I'm here to see the Tom Cruise movie. 0.97
04:43:11.000 No, no way. 0.99
04:43:12.000 What is it?
04:43:13.000 Top Gun.
04:43:13.000 Mission Impossible 7. Guess what, dude?
04:43:16.000 What?
04:43:16.000 They get away with it.
04:43:17.000 The mission was possible for the seventh fucking time, dude. 1.00
04:43:22.000 There's another crap movie, dude. 1.00
04:43:24.000 Here's an interesting stat. 0.99
04:43:26.000 But he does his own stunts. 0.99
04:43:28.000 Who gives a fuck? 0.99
04:43:29.000 Generating $4.7 billion. 0.99
04:43:32.000 Who do you think is going to be right below him at fourth place?
04:43:34.000 Who?
04:43:35.000 They know DiCaprio.
04:43:36.000 DiCaprio, if it comes to...
04:43:37.000 The top three are all Marvel characters, so this one is not.
04:43:40.000 No, no, no.
04:43:41.000 The top three is not.
04:43:42.000 The fourth one's not.
04:43:42.000 Tom Cruise has been the leader for like 30 years.
04:43:46.000 Who do we guess?
04:43:47.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
04:43:48.000 I'm saying DiCaprio.
04:43:49.000 Schwarzenegger.
04:43:50.000 Oh, Chris Pratt.
04:43:52.000 Schwarzenegger's a buff.
04:43:52.000 Chris Pratt's a good one.
04:43:53.000 Did Jurassic Park end?
04:43:54.000 Okay, who is it?
04:43:55.000 Where's T2? Tom Hanks.
04:43:57.000 There you go!
04:43:58.000 5.12!
04:43:59.000 What do you mean?
04:44:00.000 He's a buff.
04:44:01.000 Wait, what about Harrison Ford?
04:44:04.000 All the Star Wars.
04:44:06.000 Scarlett Johansson.
04:44:07.000 It's not that any of these guys aren't good.
04:44:09.000 All the Indiana Jones.
04:44:10.000 Who's above Tom Cruise in this?
04:44:11.000 You know what's a great Scarlett Johansson movie?
04:44:13.000 What's it called?
04:44:14.000 Under the Skin.
04:44:15.000 Lucy was fun too. 0.73
04:44:16.000 But there's a movie where she plays an alien.
04:44:19.000 She plays an alien that takes over like a human form. 0.99
04:44:23.000 Starts fucking dudes up. 0.99
04:44:24.000 I wish she would take me over. 0.99
04:44:26.000 I wish she would.
04:44:29.000 Who are the top ones of that?
04:44:30.000 It was Samuel L. Jackson was number one, but that's because of Marvel movies.
04:44:34.000 Oh, really?
04:44:34.000 So they're just adding up the profit of movies they've been in.
04:44:39.000 Robert Downey, I knew it.
04:44:41.000 It should be guys who were leading the movie.
04:44:44.000 Marvel movies what what happened to us that that's like what we really want to see anything a superhero.
04:44:50.000 This is a guaranteed lock.
04:44:51.000 It's a lock. 0.99
04:44:52.000 Is that a weird fucking Uncle Glazer? 0.99
04:44:55.000 What is that about our society? 0.99
04:44:57.000 We made all these movies over and over again, and then it just condensed down to the perfect all of them together.
04:45:03.000 We made a Dorito.
04:45:04.000 They're a Dorito.
04:45:04.000 Hey, there we go.
04:45:06.000 I like that. 1.00
04:45:07.000 She hooks up with these guys and they fucking vanish. 0.99
04:45:12.000 Species was the same kind of plotline, right? 0.99
04:45:15.000 Yeah.
04:45:16.000 Species made me rock hard as a child.
04:45:18.000 Oh, Natasha Hendricks.
04:45:20.000 She was on Fear Factor once.
04:45:22.000 No!
04:45:23.000 As a nobody or as a celebrity?
04:45:24.000 As a celebrity.
04:45:25.000 Really?
04:45:26.000 Nice lady. 1.00
04:45:27.000 Very pretty.
04:45:27.000 You're taking Tom Cruise over Tom Hanks.
04:45:29.000 Yeah, for sure.
04:45:30.000 Tom Hanks!
04:45:31.000 Tom Hanks had a great career.
04:45:32.000 I'm saying there's different categories of how you're judging me.
04:45:34.000 You gotta hear me out on this.
04:45:35.000 Tom Hanks had a run...
04:45:37.000 Tom Cruise had a run.
04:45:38.000 Tom Cruise had a crazy run.
04:45:40.000 That was insane.
04:45:40.000 He's still having a run.
04:45:41.000 It was insane.
04:45:42.000 When was Taking Care of Business?
04:45:43.000 Hold on.
04:45:44.000 Risky Business.
04:45:44.000 Risky Business.
04:45:45.000 When was that?
04:45:46.000 1986?
04:45:48.000 86 till still now.
04:45:50.000 No, no, no.
04:45:50.000 Yeah.
04:45:51.000 No, no.
04:45:51.000 Headlining movies.
04:45:53.000 You're not letting me speak.
04:45:54.000 40 years.
04:45:55.000 Alright, let him speak already.
04:45:56.000 You're not letting me speak.
04:45:57.000 Okay.
04:45:57.000 I'm talking about specific runs where both of their, it was just hit, hit, hit.
04:46:02.000 Oscar runs, Tom Hanks was amazing.
04:46:04.000 Four is good.
04:46:04.000 Oscar runs, Tom Hanks had number one.
04:46:06.000 Both came out in 91. Tom Hanks had a run of...
04:46:09.000 Tom Hanks for Oscar runs was crazy. 0.99
04:46:11.000 Tom Hanks had a run of Saving Private Ryan, Forrest Gump, fucking Green Mile, you forget about Toy Story, Castaway, he had such a fucking... 0.99
04:46:21.000 Oh yeah, that thing you do. 1.00
04:46:22.000 But now he stinks. 0.62
04:46:24.000 Catch me if you can. 1.00
04:46:25.000 Turner and Hooch, even the birds and punchline, all that shit. 0.99
04:46:28.000 What's he doing now that you don't like? 1.00
04:46:30.000 Scroll down, wait until you see his recent shit. 1.00
04:46:33.000 It's crap, dude. 1.00
04:46:34.000 Man Called Audio. 1.00
04:46:35.000 Man Called Audio.
04:46:38.000 Wait a minute, he was great in Elvis.
04:46:41.000 Not really.
04:46:41.000 He was just in Elvis.
04:46:45.000 He was just in Elvis.
04:46:47.000 It wasn't his movie.
04:46:49.000 He's not just said he was really great.
04:46:52.000 He was the co-star of the movie.
04:46:54.000 He was the colonel.
04:46:56.000 Also, you cited Tropic Thunder as great.
04:46:58.000 Literally all Tom Cruise did is scream and dance in that for five minutes.
04:47:02.000 Fair enough. 1.00
04:47:02.000 So shut your fucking bitch ass mouth. 1.00
04:47:04.000 That movie rules. 1.00
04:47:07.000 Maybe the last good comedy...
04:47:09.000 Minority Report is great.
04:47:11.000 Jerry Maguire...
04:47:12.000 Yeah, all of these were great.
04:47:14.000 Interview with the Vampire. 1.00
04:47:15.000 Interview with the Vampire was the shit. 1.00
04:47:17.000 No one's saying any of these guys aren't great. 1.00
04:47:19.000 That's the problem. 0.97
04:47:20.000 You say one guy's better than the other guy, everyone's like, you think this guy sucks? 0.89
04:47:23.000 They're all amazing.
04:47:23.000 That's the point of having a fun argument.
04:47:25.000 Yeah, exactly.
04:47:26.000 Jack Reacher, the The whole Jack Reacher series?
04:47:29.000 Jack Reacher? 0.99
04:47:29.000 He's still a fucking action star! 0.99
04:47:31.000 The Jack Reacher thing doesn't even make sense. 0.99
04:47:33.000 I thought Jack Reacher was good when it came out.
04:47:37.000 Recently, I showed my friend Chris O'Connor who loves Tom Cruise.
04:47:41.000 Road Dogg?
04:47:42.000 Shout out Road Dogg. 1.00
04:47:42.000 Bro, you've never seen Jack Reacher? 1.00
04:47:44.000 This is so good.
04:47:45.000 We watched it within 10 minutes.
04:47:47.000 I was like, dude, for real?
04:47:48.000 My bad? 0.93
04:47:49.000 I didn't know I was retarded when I watched this.
04:47:52.000 What is Jack Reacher? 1.00
04:47:53.000 Because this is for morons. 1.00
04:47:54.000 The new Reacher show on Amazon is much better. 1.00
04:47:57.000 Dude, it's so funny watching a movie later.
04:47:59.000 That's what Reacher was supposed to be. 0.99
04:48:01.000 That's a silly show. 0.96
04:48:01.000 Reacher's supposed to be a giant guy. 0.96
04:48:03.000 You know Heat? 1.00
04:48:05.000 Fuckin' sucks. 1.00
04:48:05.000 In the books. 1.00
04:48:06.000 Heat? 0.99
04:48:06.000 Heat sucks. 0.99
04:48:08.000 Heat rules! 0.99
04:48:09.000 Heat rules! 0.99
04:48:10.000 Heat rules! 0.99
04:48:10.000 Heat's amazing! 0.99
04:48:11.000 I gotta piss during this moment.
04:48:13.000 The guy's going on one big heist!
04:48:14.000 Heat's amazing! 0.99
04:48:15.000 I got one big heist in me, but, oh shit, the cops are actually trailing me right now. 0.97
04:48:19.000 Well, I guess we can't do the heist. 0.99
04:48:20.000 No, do it anyway.
04:48:21.000 We gotta do it, brother. 1.00
04:48:22.000 It's so stupid. 1.00
04:48:23.000 It's psychological. 1.00
04:48:25.000 He has a dinner with the cop who's like, I'm never gonna stop looking at you. 1.00
04:48:29.000 He goes, well, I'm gonna keep doing this fucking heist. 1.00
04:48:31.000 That's great! 1.00
04:48:31.000 It was great dialogue. 1.00
04:48:33.000 It's so retarded. 1.00
04:48:34.000 Yeah, it is retarded. 1.00
04:48:35.000 Come on! 0.98
04:48:36.000 He just wouldn't do it. 1.00
04:48:37.000 And then fucking the Mexican is like, I'll go for it. 1.00
04:48:40.000 I know, but it's like, I respect you enough to not go for it right now. 0.99
04:48:43.000 And it's based on the Hollywood shootout.
04:48:44.000 But if somebody was like, hey, so you know, we're watching you.
04:48:48.000 Don't rob a bank.
04:48:49.000 And you're like, well, I definitely can't now.
04:48:51.000 But that's how big of his ego.
04:48:53.000 No.
04:48:53.000 Yeah, but that's crazy.
04:48:54.000 And he still almost got away with it. 1.00
04:48:56.000 It's so dumb. 0.99
04:48:57.000 It's like, it's hard enough to do a heist. 1.00
04:48:59.000 Yep.
04:49:00.000 Also, every love scene that you have with the chick is just like, where are you from?
04:49:03.000 De Niro's better.
04:49:05.000 Nah.
04:49:06.000 De Niro's the man.
04:49:07.000 Yeah, it's actually acceptable.
04:49:08.000 So that one's acceptable?
04:49:09.000 If you're talking about best acting ability, sure.
04:49:12.000 If we're talking best acting ability, Tom Cruise isn't even close.
04:49:15.000 He's the biggest star.
04:49:16.000 I'm saying Tom Cruise.
04:49:18.000 40 years. 0.99
04:49:18.000 Philip Seymour Hoffman buttfucks Tom Cruise. 0.99
04:49:21.000 Died, couldn't handle his heroin like a real man. 0.99
04:49:23.000 So does Tom Hardy.
04:49:24.000 What?
04:49:24.000 Sure, sure.
04:49:25.000 Tom Hardy's a better actor.
04:49:25.000 Sure, sure.
04:49:26.000 All those, absolutely.
04:49:27.000 I'm saying biggest star for many years. 0.99
04:49:28.000 I'll be honest, we're coming off like dumbasses. 0.99
04:49:32.000 Obviously. 1.00
04:49:33.000 It's all just stupid arguments. 1.00
04:49:35.000 They're all great. 1.00
04:49:35.000 You've got two drinks, dude. 1.00
04:49:36.000 I've been putting these traces down.
04:49:39.000 You do this every time we do this, dude.
04:49:40.000 You do this every time we do it.
04:49:41.000 And you have two sips.
04:49:43.000 I'm pretty toasty.
04:49:44.000 That bottle's still full.
04:49:46.000 Everybody go see Dog General on Netflix right now?
04:49:49.000 Look around.
04:49:49.000 Look at what we're doing.
04:49:50.000 You sit around.
04:49:51.000 This is water.
04:49:52.000 This is trans fluid. 1.00
04:49:54.000 Coward, man. 1.00
04:49:54.000 Coward. 1.00
04:49:55.000 Look at that. 1.00
04:49:56.000 And I've been doing the eagle.
04:49:58.000 We've all been doing it way more.
04:50:01.000 We've got to go on soon.
04:50:02.000 Shane, there's only two more left. 0.99
04:50:04.000 Let's fucking finish this. 0.99
04:50:05.000 Uh-oh. 0.99
04:50:06.000 Look at short shorts coming in.
04:50:08.000 Is that Daisy Duke?
04:50:10.000 Joe's ready to kick Matsu. 0.98
04:50:12.000 My sack would be hanging out of that thing.
04:50:13.000 What's that? 1.00
04:50:15.000 Shit. 1.00
04:50:16.000 What'd you say? 1.00
04:50:17.000 He said, America, fuck yeah. 1.00
04:50:19.000 Let's go. 1.00
04:50:20.000 Norman does this every time we do this. 0.99
04:50:22.000 He doesn't get fucked up. 0.99
04:50:23.000 I'm going liquor. 1.00
04:50:24.000 He hasn't had two sips.
04:50:26.000 That's a good joint.
04:50:27.000 Good point. 1.00
04:50:28.000 I'm smoking weed, bitch. 1.00
04:50:30.000 Yeah, that's a good point! 1.00
04:50:31.000 Don't ever get there for weed! 1.00
04:50:32.000 You fucking homos over there are not smoking weed. 1.00
04:50:35.000 Ari and I are holding it down for the weed community. 1.00
04:50:37.000 You guys want to do real drugs? 1.00
04:50:38.000 I'm high as fuck. 1.00
04:50:39.000 Let's do some ketamine. 1.00
04:50:40.000 Let's get it from Duncan, the kind he made in his tub.
04:50:45.000 It's easy to make!
04:50:47.000 You just gotta make sure you got the right...
04:50:50.000 You gotta hurry up.
04:50:51.000 But Duncan, do you want to play the music?
04:50:53.000 I don't know. 0.97
04:50:53.000 I fucking completely froze. 0.97
04:50:55.000 Way to bail on that, McConnell. 1.00
04:50:57.000 I fucking completely froze. 0.99
04:50:59.000 McConaughey is better than Tom Cruise. 0.99
04:51:00.000 I mean, ingredients!
04:51:02.000 The right mixture!
04:51:03.000 Whatever happened to McConaughey?
04:51:04.000 Didn't he run for mayor?
04:51:05.000 McConaughey rules, dude.
04:51:06.000 No, no, no.
04:51:07.000 He was gonna run for governor, and then he walked.
04:51:09.000 He said he went for the MLS. Yeah, why would I want to be a politician?
04:51:13.000 Jesus Christ.
04:51:15.000 I'll be a hot guy.
04:51:15.000 He can help people just, like, talking.
04:51:18.000 Yeah, just being cool. 0.96
04:51:20.000 He's so fucking cool. 0.85
04:51:21.000 Did he get hair plugs? 0.98
04:51:22.000 Go! 0.95
04:51:23.000 I hope so.
04:51:27.000 You guys want to know why I hate Tom Cruise?
04:51:29.000 Why do you hate Tom Cruise?
04:51:31.000 I love Hitler. 0.99
04:51:34.000 That's why he was anti-Hitler.
04:51:37.000 I was watching that movie. 1.00
04:51:38.000 I was like, get this treacherous son of a bitch. 1.00
04:51:39.000 Norman going for the whole thing this one time? 1.00
04:51:41.000 Norman going for the whole thing this one time?
04:51:44.000 Norman?
04:51:45.000 Please, Mark.
04:51:47.000 Please, Mark.
04:51:48.000 Yeah!
04:51:50.000 Good job, Marcus.
04:51:51.000 Good for you, boy.
04:51:54.000 And then the watch goes off.
04:51:56.000 This is always fun.
04:51:57.000 We have a fun time.
04:51:58.000 It's a good time for comedy. 1.00
04:52:00.000 We have a great fucking time. 0.99
04:52:00.000 Everybody go watch Shane Gill. 0.99
04:52:02.000 It's a special on Netflix right now.
04:52:04.000 Mark Norman's special is also on Netflix.
04:52:05.000 Are you wrapping it up?
04:52:07.000 I guess so. 0.97
04:52:10.000 Should we get the fuck out of here or should we keep rolling? 1.00
04:52:12.000 Give me that fucking eagle after you, bro. 1.00
04:52:14.000 It's a quarter to seven. 1.00
04:52:15.000 Let's get a bite.
04:52:16.000 I haven't eaten today.
04:52:18.000 No, we did eat.
04:52:19.000 We did eat.
04:52:20.000 Here's a lie.
04:52:21.000 Oh, you know.
04:52:22.000 Okay, I did eat.
04:52:23.000 I forgot we ate.
04:52:24.000 That was 12 hours ago.
04:52:26.000 It was a while ago. 1.00
04:52:27.000 Kill Tony. 0.99
04:52:28.000 Kill Tony never existed. 1.00
04:52:31.000 It's 8 o'clock.
04:52:32.000 We got an hour and 15 minutes.
04:52:34.000 But we can show up late.
04:52:35.000 That'll start late.
04:52:37.000 Have you guys talked to Tony?
04:52:38.000 Has anybody talked to Tony?
04:52:39.000 Yeah.
04:52:40.000 I haven't looked at my phone.
04:52:41.000 Today?
04:52:42.000 About what?
04:52:42.000 About whether or not he knows you're coming.
04:52:44.000 He knows.
04:52:44.000 He thinks we're coming.
04:52:45.000 He's got 78 guests.
04:52:46.000 Ric Flair, the other guy, Post Malone.
04:52:49.000 Yeah.
04:52:50.000 Who knows anymore?
04:52:52.000 Post Malone, that's what I call the years after cheers.
04:52:56.000 Ha ha ha ha.
04:52:57.000 That was a deep one.
04:52:59.000 Jesus Christ.
04:53:02.000 One eagle put me over the edge.
04:53:04.000 You know what I do like?
04:53:05.000 Getting into a deep bar argument about who makes the best actor or something.
04:53:11.000 Screaming about something.
04:53:12.000 Oh my god, people will scream at it. 1.00
04:53:14.000 It's Barry Sanders, Emmett Smith better, some dumb shit like that, but screaming. 0.99
04:53:18.000 Because there's no right or wrong. 0.99
04:53:19.000 I know, that's what happens.
04:53:20.000 It's the best.
04:53:21.000 You get a little drunk?
04:53:22.000 I've been in several bar fights about Tom Cruise.
04:53:25.000 Have you seen Serpico?
04:53:27.000 Great movie.
04:53:28.000 Yeah, great movie.
04:53:29.000 You know what I'm saying?
04:53:29.000 That's like the kind of bar scene argument.
04:53:31.000 Have you seen Serpico?
04:53:32.000 Al Pacino makes up lines and screams gibberish.
04:53:36.000 All he does is scream!
04:53:37.000 Oh, I know what you like it!
04:53:39.000 Because she's got a... 1.00
04:53:41.000 Sensible woman. 1.00
04:53:43.000 That's a shit movie, Sensible Woman. 1.00
04:53:45.000 He's driving a Ferrari blind. 1.00
04:53:48.000 Doesn't hit anything. 0.99
04:53:49.000 Irishman, you can watch him fuck up a line. 0.99
04:53:52.000 And they just kept it. 0.99
04:53:53.000 Well, no one made it to that part. 1.00
04:53:55.000 He's in the middle of a speech and then he's just like, You're fucking! 0.99
04:54:07.000 It wasn't just like trying to be a really frustrated guy. 1.00
04:54:10.000 No, no, no, that's what I mean.
04:54:12.000 I think they kept it as far as like, this is how people actually talk.
04:54:16.000 Right. 1.00
04:54:17.000 But I think you fucked up. 1.00
04:54:18.000 I don't know anything. 1.00
04:54:19.000 But I will say, I think Pacino and Jack have been making up their own lines for a long time.
04:54:25.000 They got big early on Goodset, and then they went and leave.
04:54:28.000 If you watch The Departed and pay attention to anything Jack says that entire movie... 0.98
04:54:33.000 Oh, you cheesy rat! 0.99
04:54:34.000 This is gibberish start to finish. 1.00
04:54:37.000 He's just like, no ticky, no laundry. 1.00
04:54:41.000 Yeah, he throws cocaine on the girl's pussy. 1.00
04:54:43.000 He's like, don't move until you feel numb, bitch. 1.00
04:54:46.000 They let him go. 1.00
04:54:48.000 Never in a million years of coke ads would someone do that.
04:54:50.000 When the body's in the mosh!
04:54:52.000 That's the best part.
04:54:53.000 The accent's horrible. 1.00
04:54:53.000 Must have been a big fucking dog. 1.00
04:54:56.000 Let me hear this. 1.00
04:54:57.000 You got a cheese-eating rat. 0.96
04:55:01.000 And it brings up questions. 0.94
04:55:03.000 Cruz couldn't have done this.
04:55:06.000 Coke out of roll.
04:55:07.000 Could have never done this.
04:55:08.000 I would love to see Cruz coked up.
04:55:10.000 Leo rules.
04:55:12.000 Why don't you stand?
04:55:15.000 Oh, the accent's bad. 0.64
04:55:17.000 Bad.
04:55:19.000 Social security numbers. 1.00
04:55:22.000 Everybody's fucking numbers. 1.00
04:55:24.000 It's still such a good performance. 0.99
04:55:25.000 Great movie.
04:55:26.000 Fun movie.
04:55:27.000 Great movie.
04:55:28.000 Yeah.
04:55:28.000 Based on internal affairs.
04:55:30.000 One of the best.
04:55:35.000 He looks young.
04:55:37.000 He was still hot.
04:55:46.000 He's gotten a little bloated.
04:55:48.000 Yeah, because he's old now.
04:55:50.000 He's ancient.
04:55:50.000 Who?
04:55:51.000 No, he's probably 15. Oh, I'm talking about Leo.
04:55:54.000 He was an easy writer.
04:55:55.000 He was great.
04:55:56.000 Yeah, five easy pieces.
04:56:00.000 Matt Damon.
04:56:02.000 All these guys are great.
04:56:03.000 All these guys have great careers.
04:56:07.000 Matt Damon rules.
04:56:07.000 He's a fun hang, I bet.
04:56:08.000 Matt Damon rules.
04:56:09.000 But come on.
04:56:11.000 No, he's not in the running.
04:56:12.000 He's not in the running.
04:56:13.000 No, no, no.
04:56:14.000 He is great, but he's not in the running.
04:56:15.000 What about Johnny Depp?
04:56:17.000 What about Johnny Depp?
04:56:17.000 Johnny Depp has it.
04:56:19.000 He obviously has it.
04:56:20.000 What about Christian Bale?
04:56:22.000 Oh, Bale! 0.83
04:56:23.000 He's got it.
04:56:23.000 Maybe best actor.
04:56:24.000 Maybe best actor.
04:56:25.000 The machinist. 1.00
04:56:26.000 It's like, who the fuck is this guy? 1.00
04:56:28.000 Christian Bale destroys Tom Cruise. 1.00
04:56:30.000 Yeah, absolutely.
04:56:31.000 Oh, yeah, as an actor?
04:56:32.000 For sure.
04:56:33.000 Oh, don't give me an acting ability.
04:56:34.000 American Psycho?
04:56:35.000 Great movie.
04:56:36.000 American Psycho? 0.99
04:56:36.000 Fucking Batman? 0.99
04:56:37.000 Jesus Christ, Batman? 1.00
04:56:38.000 Fucking Vice? 0.99
04:56:40.000 Yeah, I don't know that one. 0.99
04:56:40.000 Vice is one of my favorite great people. 0.99
04:56:43.000 He plays fucking Dick Cheney in Batman. 1.00
04:56:45.000 Without prosthetics. 1.00
04:56:48.000 Same guy that played American Psycho played Dick Cheney.
04:56:51.000 Machinist was the best to me.
04:56:52.000 He was gone in that.
04:56:54.000 It just sucked that the movie wasn't that good.
04:56:56.000 Yeah, it wasn't great.
04:56:57.000 It was so good.
04:56:58.000 He was good.
04:56:59.000 The movie was out.
04:56:59.000 He was great.
04:57:00.000 The movie was like...
04:57:01.000 What's really funny is every time I've had this drunk Tom Cruise argument, this is how it goes.
04:57:06.000 You keep drinking and you're like...
04:57:09.000 Christian Bale!
04:57:10.000 Who else was good?
04:57:12.000 You settled down.
04:57:14.000 Who else was good?
04:57:15.000 Look at that.
04:57:17.000 That's an actor. 1.00
04:57:18.000 He went from bone thin to fucking burnt fat. 0.99
04:57:22.000 We might have talked about this on here before. 1.00
04:57:26.000 The Vice is designed to make you maybe not like him. 0.99
04:57:31.000 And in reality, it just makes you be like, damn, dude, change the man. 0.99
04:57:35.000 I saw it in the theater. 0.99
04:57:37.000 Dude, it's so good.
04:57:39.000 There's a part where he gets...
04:57:40.000 Amy Adams, wow.
04:57:42.000 There's an underrated dude.
04:57:43.000 Sam Rockwell's an underrated dude. 1.00
04:57:45.000 Kill him! 1.00
04:57:45.000 Kill him! 1.00
04:57:46.000 Destroys Tom Cruise, buttfucks Tom Cruise. 1.00
04:57:48.000 Bro, that movie, shut up. 1.00
04:57:49.000 They're crazy. 1.00
04:57:50.000 What's that movie we played with? 0.80
04:57:51.000 Only Him?
04:57:52.000 Moon?
04:57:53.000 Moon! 0.77
04:57:54.000 Buttfucks Tom Cruise, not a big deal. 1.00
04:57:56.000 That's retarded. 1.00
04:57:56.000 Easy money. 1.00
04:57:57.000 Wow, these are strong words.
04:57:59.000 But you're supposed to not like the movie, and then...
04:58:02.000 He's fun!
04:58:03.000 There's a part where Amy Adams is like, you better change, or I'm gonna leave you.
04:58:07.000 And he's like...
04:58:09.000 Okay, I'll just, yes, I'll be pretty good.
04:58:14.000 His wife is like, you just got a DUI and a drunken fight. 1.00
04:58:17.000 You're a big loser. 1.00
04:58:18.000 I'm going to leave you if you don't become great. 1.00
04:58:20.000 And he's just like, okay, yes.
04:58:23.000 And then he just takes over the entire world.
04:58:25.000 Oh, yeah.
04:58:25.000 What is that?
04:58:26.000 He just becomes the most powerful man on earth.
04:58:29.000 It's pretty sick.
04:58:31.000 He's like, I hear you.
04:58:32.000 Look at that acting.
04:58:33.000 I'm the CEO of a large company.
04:58:36.000 And I have been Secretary of Defense.
04:58:39.000 Steve Carell's pretty great.
04:58:41.000 Oh, Joaquin Phoenix, Joaquin Phoenix. 0.99
04:58:42.000 Bullfucks, Tom Cruise. 1.00
04:58:44.000 Shut up, that's crazy. 1.00
04:58:45.000 Top five. 1.00
04:58:46.000 Put it on the Napoleon trailer.
04:58:47.000 Put it on the Napoleon trailer.
04:58:49.000 Oh, I forgot about Napoleon.
04:58:50.000 I haven't seen the trailer.
04:58:52.000 Bonaparte, baby!
04:58:53.000 You haven't seen it?
04:58:53.000 I haven't seen it.
04:58:54.000 Oh, I've been fucking rock hard for Napoleon. 0.98
04:58:56.000 I can't wait. 0.98
04:58:58.000 Watch this trailer. 0.99
04:58:59.000 You guys are acting like there's no fucking Top Gun. 1.00
04:59:03.000 Top Gun sucks, fuck you. 1.00
04:59:05.000 Yeah, it's stupid, but he's so cool. 1.00
04:59:08.000 Watch this. 1.00
04:59:09.000 Look at that. 1.00
04:59:09.000 That's acting, bitches. 1.00
04:59:11.000 This is a real film. 1.00
04:59:12.000 Who cares? 1.00
04:59:12.000 They're all losers. 1.00
04:59:14.000 Ridley Scott, best director. 0.99
04:59:16.000 He's great.
04:59:17.000 His brother died.
04:59:20.000 Scott Ridley?
04:59:26.000 1793. This is a fucking flick! 1.00
04:59:34.000 This must be a huge budget. 0.99
04:59:36.000 What would you do if this assignment of defense was transferred to you?
04:59:47.000 I promise you brilliant successes.
04:59:57.000 Wow.
04:59:58.000 Great director.
04:59:59.000 Director.
05:00:00.000 Number one.
05:00:01.000 What is this costume you have on?
05:00:02.000 This is my uniform.
05:00:05.000 Banger.
05:00:07.000 Bro.
05:00:08.000 I'm the man should be alive back then.
05:00:10.000 I know, right?
05:00:12.000 He wasn't that short, by the way.
05:00:14.000 What is your name?
05:00:15.000 Napoleon.
05:00:16.000 That's the course of my life just changed.
05:00:19.000 Napoleon.
05:00:21.000 Been there.
05:00:25.000 What do you think that is?
05:00:33.000 Guys like him, Alexander the Great, they just have an urge to take over.
05:00:42.000 Yeah, he made himself a king.
05:00:44.000 Yeah.
05:00:45.000 It's got some drive. 0.96
05:00:48.000 This vermin has held the world hostage with his egotism and his lack of simple good manners.
05:01:02.000 You think you're great. 1.00
05:01:06.000 You are just a tiny little brute. 0.99
05:01:09.000 There is nothing without me. 0.99
05:01:12.000 I don't get the lady to hold. 0.99
05:01:25.000 This is a good pod right here.
05:01:33.000 Oh my god!
05:01:39.000 Wow.
05:01:40.000 Let's go, friends.
05:01:41.000 Finally a movie.
05:01:42.000 Let's go. 1.00
05:01:42.000 No more Marvel horse shit or mermaid. 1.00
05:01:44.000 Let's go. 1.00
05:01:45.000 Or whatever.
05:01:46.000 Imagine Thanksgiving.
05:01:48.000 Imagine being alive.
05:01:49.000 They made him look like he rules.
05:01:51.000 Napoleon does rule.
05:01:52.000 I mean, now, after that movie, a lot of people are like, I like it.
05:01:56.000 Do you hear who Hitler did? 1.00
05:01:57.000 He was buried in a tomb in fucking Paris. 1.00
05:01:59.000 They said they made the awning lower so you had to bow your head before you got to see his body. 1.00
05:02:04.000 And Hitler goes, no. 0.62
05:02:05.000 Build a series of mirrors so I could look at his tomb without having to bow my head.
05:02:09.000 Well, then that actually makes Hitler rule. 0.83
05:02:11.000 Yeah.
05:02:12.000 He respected him, but he goes, I do not comply with your rules. 0.98
05:02:15.000 That actually fucking also rules. 0.92
05:02:17.000 He said he wouldn't go in when they occupied France to build a series of mirrors. 0.98
05:02:21.000 And he goes, there's the thing.
05:02:22.000 Look at me not bowing my head.
05:02:24.000 Take him down. 1.00
05:02:26.000 Damn. 1.00
05:02:26.000 It's meth talking. 1.00
05:02:29.000 It's that cocaine talk. 1.00
05:02:30.000 I ain't bowing for nobody, motherfucker. 1.00
05:02:31.000 How tall was Napoleon? 1.00
05:02:33.000 I think he was 5'6".
05:02:34.000 Ah, that's not bad.
05:02:35.000 Which back then wasn't that bad.
05:02:37.000 No.
05:02:37.000 But he was always surrounded by grenadiers who wore those big, tall hats, and they were like the biggest guys in the French army.
05:02:43.000 Because everybody thought he was shorter than he was.
05:02:45.000 Imagine being alive back then, man, when people were shooting muskets at each other, just running at each other, shooting tanks, cannonballs at each other. 0.99
05:02:54.000 Fucking ladders coming up on the wall. 1.00
05:02:56.000 Fuck, man. 1.00
05:02:57.000 All warfare is hands-on. 1.00
05:02:59.000 We don't like that.
05:03:01.000 No planes, no tanks, no trucks. 0.99
05:03:01.000 No computer games to fucking blow up a village. 0.99
05:03:04.000 No, no drones. 0.99
05:03:05.000 Riding animals.
05:03:07.000 They're all riding animals.
05:03:08.000 Oh, yeah.
05:03:09.000 Not to mention the B.O. Can you imagine?
05:03:13.000 What is this, Jamie?
05:03:15.000 It's him looking at Napoleon's tomb?
05:03:16.000 Yep.
05:03:17.000 Wow.
05:03:17.000 What?
05:03:18.000 Where are the mirrors?
05:03:19.000 Look down on them.
05:03:20.000 Yeah, where are the mirrors?
05:03:21.000 Yeah, I think you heard an urban legend, dog.
05:03:23.000 It says he brought a mirror to it.
05:03:25.000 He said he what?
05:03:25.000 It says he brought a mirror to it.
05:03:27.000 Ah.
05:03:29.000 Urban legends. 0.99
05:03:29.000 God damn it. 0.99
05:03:30.000 Hitler also, he was a big, obviously, he was a big Napoleon guy, obviously. 1.00
05:03:34.000 Yeah.
05:03:35.000 And he was desperately trying to avoid what Napoleon did in Russia, and then, sure enough, did the exact same thing that Napoleon did.
05:03:43.000 Wow.
05:03:44.000 Anyway, shout out to Battle of Kursk.
05:03:46.000 Let's go.
05:03:48.000 That's the big one.
05:03:49.000 I never knew.
05:03:50.000 Yeah, that was the one that turned the tide.
05:03:52.000 I had no idea.
05:03:53.000 We're going, we'll do this now.
05:03:54.000 We'll take out one massive superhero right now. 1.00
05:03:57.000 And they're like, you didn't, and you're fucked. 1.00
05:03:59.000 I don't know if you got that right. 0.99
05:04:00.000 I don't.
05:04:01.000 Definitely don't.
05:04:02.000 I don't.
05:04:03.000 Ari just can't stop talking. 1.00
05:04:04.000 Ari's just giving us a shot. 1.00
05:04:05.000 Did you drink Adderall or something?
05:04:07.000 Isn't the Battle of Kursk the one that was like...
05:04:12.000 This Kill Tony's gonna be sloppy.
05:04:15.000 No, I don't think so.
05:04:16.000 I think I'm alright.
05:04:18.000 How are you feeling?
05:04:18.000 I'm a little wonky.
05:04:20.000 Yeah?
05:04:21.000 In a rowdy stand-up set, Shane Gillis riffs.
05:04:24.000 I love how he riffs on his girlfriend's Navy SEALX. No, you didn't.
05:04:29.000 You had a bit about it.
05:04:30.000 I did this for two straight years.
05:04:33.000 I know every word of this.
05:04:36.000 Let's wrap this up, boys.
05:04:38.000 Good night, everybody.
05:04:39.000 Hey, that's it.
05:04:40.000 Bye, everybody.
05:04:40.000 Let's go to the mothership tonight.
05:04:42.000 Comedy.
05:04:43.000 Comedy.
05:04:44.000 Bye.