The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #205 Neal Brennan

00:00:00.000 They're friendly.

00:00:02.000 That's like the biggest compliment ever.

00:00:03.000 Ready?

00:00:05.000 And they all love Flashlight.

00:00:07.000 That voice is the voice of Neil Brennan.

00:00:10.000 If you don't know Neil Brennan, he'd be right now.

00:00:12.000 He was the co-creator of The Chappelle Show. 0.99

00:00:15.000 Shut up, dude. 0.99

00:00:16.000 No one cares, bro. 1.00

00:00:17.000 Don't hate on that, ladies and gentlemen.

00:00:19.000 Don't hate. 0.99

00:00:19.000 There's a lot of dudes just because you can get a hold of a guy on Twitter and go, Yeah, we know you were the fucking host. 0.99

00:00:24.000 You're a co-fucking creator or whatever you are, dude. 0.99

00:00:27.000 We heard it already. 1.00

00:00:28.000 Yeah.

00:00:29.000 Next!

00:00:30.000 Next day!

00:00:31.000 What else did you do?

00:00:32.000 People don't want to hear that, man.

00:00:33.000 They don't want to hear the actual truth. 0.98

00:00:36.000 Meanwhile, if it was them, god damn, they would never stop talking about it. 0.99

00:00:40.000 It's reality. 0.98

00:00:41.000 Look, if you don't know Neil Brennan, he deserves to be recognized for what he has accomplished.

00:00:47.000 I deserve this. 1.00

00:00:47.000 Bitch! 1.00

00:00:49.000 He also deserves a free Fleshlight. 1.00

00:00:50.000 Would you like one?

00:00:51.000 Yeah, I would love one.

00:00:52.000 I got a good one for you.

00:00:53.000 A fresh new one.

00:00:54.000 A new package of one.

00:00:56.000 We're sponsored by the Fleshlight. 1.00

00:00:57.000 There's nothing in that one, Brian, because you sucked it out like a fucking weirdo. 0.97

00:01:01.000 If you go to JoeRogan.net and click on the link for the Fleshlight and enter in the code name ROGAN, you will save yourself 15% off. 1.00

00:01:08.000 An excellent masturbation tool.

00:01:10.000 It's a real good product, ladies and gentlemen. 0.64

00:01:11.000 If it wasn't, we wouldn't get behind it here at the Joe Rogan Experience.

00:01:15.000 We're also brought to you by Onnit.

00:01:17.000 That's O-N-N-I-T. Makers of AlphaBrain, which is a cognitive-enhancing supplement if you want to learn all about the various things that we have.

00:01:26.000 ShroomTech Sport, ShroomTech Immune, and 5-HTP. What is the shroom part?

00:01:32.000 Shroom is a cordyceps mushroom.

00:01:34.000 Portoceps, for one of them.

00:01:35.000 I don't know what the immune one is.

00:01:37.000 So it's not cybacillic?

00:01:38.000 No, no, no.

00:01:40.000 Could you imagine if you could just get away with selling that?

00:01:43.000 Can you imagine?

00:01:44.000 How dare you? 0.99

00:01:45.000 No, there's certain mushrooms that they've found people eat in high altitudes that help them deal I fuck with kettlebells now, by the way. 0.98

00:02:10.000 It's awesome, dude. 0.67

00:02:11.000 It's the best because it doesn't take a long time.

00:02:13.000 No, you could get blasted out in 20 minutes. 0.99

00:02:14.000 I'm fucking blasted, bro. 1.00

00:02:16.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:02:16.000 Whoa, you are, dude. 1.00

00:02:18.000 You are!

00:02:19.000 On it, we're making kettlebells as well.

00:02:21.000 Are you really?

00:02:22.000 Yeah.

00:02:23.000 I would like to pre-order.

00:02:24.000 Dude, I'll get you some.

00:02:26.000 We're going to have regular kettlebells.

00:02:28.000 We're going to make them the best we can make them and ship them the cheapest we can ship them and sell them the cheapest we can sell them.

00:02:35.000 That's the goal with these guys.

00:02:36.000 Because I went and bought one.

00:02:38.000 They're super expensive.

00:02:39.000 I bought one.

00:02:40.000 It's like a dollar a pound or not?

00:02:42.000 Yeah, a dollar a pound is normal.

00:02:43.000 So 70 pounds is like a $70 purchase for this one piece of metal. 0.99

00:02:47.000 The real bitch, ladies and gentlemen, is shipping these things. 1.00

00:02:50.000 That's where it's going to cost a fuckload of money. 0.99

00:02:51.000 Yeah, well that's where I went to the valley and bought one.

00:02:53.000 Yeah.

00:02:54.000 Because I wanted to ship it.

00:02:56.000 So we're going to have two different lines of kettlebells, and here's what's up.

00:03:00.000 We're going to have the regular kettlebells that we're going to sell and make as inexpensive but high quality.

00:03:08.000 It has to be high quality first.

00:03:10.000 It has to be done to the right dimensions.

00:03:12.000 The grip has to be the right size.

00:03:15.000 That all has to be taken into account for first.

00:03:17.000 And then we have to sell it as cheap as possible and ship it as cheap as possible.

00:03:21.000 The idea is to make them like the most affordable kettlebells that are the best quality you can get.

00:03:28.000 That's the goal.

00:03:28.000 That's 100% the goal.

00:03:30.000 Because we don't have to advertise anywhere else, we're going to see, like, you know, I think people respond to it.

00:03:34.000 Have you seen prototypes of them?

00:03:35.000 Yes.

00:03:36.000 I already have one.

00:03:36.000 I'll show you.

00:03:37.000 I have one here.

00:03:38.000 Okay.

00:03:38.000 It's perfect.

00:03:40.000 I have sweaty palms.

00:03:41.000 Yeah, it's good.

00:03:43.000 Yeah, it is good, but sometimes it slips.

00:03:46.000 Yeah, but that's why I'm saying it's good.

00:03:47.000 When it's wet, sometimes when I'm concentrating on specific techniques, I'll chalk up my hands.

00:03:53.000 I'll use weight-lifter chalk, which really helps.

00:03:55.000 It absorbs all the sweat, and you just rub it down and chalk it up before each set.

00:03:59.000 But when you're sweaty, it forces you to grip it harder, and I think it's really good for your hand strength.

00:04:05.000 So lately, I've been not using the powder and just trying to concentrate on just gripping it even harder.

00:04:10.000 I have really sweaty hands, but I think it actually improves my grip strength.

00:04:15.000 But you also got to worry if you're throwing a 50-pound kettlebell around.

00:04:18.000 Yeah, that's what I mean.

00:04:19.000 Because I do it in my living room.

00:04:21.000 I have a tiny gym that I lift weights in.

00:04:23.000 It's like as small as this office. 0.99

00:04:24.000 So I'll fucking... 0.99

00:04:25.000 If I slip... 0.99

00:04:27.000 Does that happen a lot?

00:04:28.000 No.

00:04:29.000 They should have one of those straps. 0.98

00:04:30.000 It's made my grip a hundred times...

00:04:32.000 No, not a hundred times.

00:04:33.000 But for jiu-jitsu, it's made my grip way better than it ever was before.

00:04:36.000 Because I'm regularly throwing these 70-pound things around with each hand.

00:04:40.000 And there's so much inertia.

00:04:42.000 There's so much like when you're catching it, you're catching this fat metal bar with a cannonball behind it.

00:04:48.000 That's the point.

00:04:48.000 Yeah.

00:04:49.000 It builds your whole body to work as one unit.

00:04:52.000 When everybody does lift, you know, if you lift weights, like lifting weights is great.

00:04:55.000 If you want to get your biceps bigger, do curls.

00:04:57.000 You want to get, you know, it's all simple.

00:04:59.000 Everybody knows how to do it, right?

00:05:00.000 But when you're doing that normal bodybuilding stuff, you're isolating all your muscles, which is really weird.

00:05:06.000 And it doesn't ever happen like that in the wild.

00:05:08.000 If you're using your body, you're never in a jungle doing tricep extensions.

00:05:14.000 Most people are training for the wild, correct?

00:05:16.000 You're moving around.

00:05:17.000 Yeah, life.

00:05:18.000 You're moving around as one unit.

00:05:20.000 And if you want to get strong, you should get strong.

00:05:23.000 The idea behind it is as one unit.

00:05:25.000 So when you're doing kettlebells, your whole body is working.

00:05:28.000 I've got to say, kettlebells? 0.99

00:05:30.000 Taking my ass from maybe a three and a half to a seven. 0.99

00:05:34.000 That's a strong statement. 1.00

00:05:35.000 No, but it's looking. 1.00

00:05:37.000 You think your ass is a seven? 1.00

00:05:38.000 It's a seven. 1.00

00:05:39.000 Sir, you walked in front of me, okay, and you sat down.

00:05:43.000 Unless you're sagging.

00:05:45.000 Are you sagging?

00:05:46.000 No.

00:05:47.000 You don't sag, do you?

00:05:47.000 No, but I had nothing.

00:05:49.000 I had nothing.

00:05:50.000 What do you think about white guys that sag? 0.78

00:05:51.000 I think I was on the door. 0.96

00:05:53.000 I think I was knocking on the door.

00:05:54.000 You were thinking about doing it?

00:05:55.000 Until I read Four Hour Body.

00:05:56.000 Oh. 1.00

00:05:57.000 And then I started doing kettlebells in my ass. 0.99

00:05:59.000 That's not what I mean. 1.00

00:06:00.000 I mean like sag their pants?

00:06:01.000 Oh, like hip-hoppy?

00:06:03.000 Yes, hip-hoppy.

00:06:04.000 I think at this point it's a little corny. 0.98

00:06:06.000 It's ridiculous. 0.93

00:06:07.000 I mean, it didn't bother... 0.82

00:06:09.000 Yeah, I was probably one of them.

00:06:10.000 Although I do pride myself on having never really been jived out.

00:06:14.000 You never jived out?

00:06:15.000 Not really.

00:06:16.000 No accent.

00:06:17.000 A little maybe for a second.

00:06:19.000 Like in 92?

00:06:20.000 What was the most embarrassing statement you might have said in 92?

00:06:23.000 I had a public enemy jacket in 1992. Okay.

00:06:27.000 Which, you know, was a little corny.

00:06:30.000 And I had a...

00:06:31.000 But that was about it.

00:06:32.000 I mean, it wasn't, like, crazy.

00:06:34.000 Well, I probably would have bought a public enemy jacket if they had one for sale.

00:06:37.000 I'd buy one today.

00:06:38.000 Now you would, but this was on their, like, descent.

00:06:41.000 Oh.

00:06:42.000 You were just letting me know you're in there.

00:06:43.000 I would say the N-word a lot.

00:06:45.000 Oh, really?

00:06:46.000 Just around, like, I was, like, feeling my oats.

00:06:48.000 Black eyes or black eyes?

00:06:49.000 Yeah, I was, like, feeling my oats. 1.00

00:06:52.000 You're a white devil. 1.00

00:06:53.000 I've been around those white dudes that will say nigger around a black guy and I'm like, yo, what are you doing, man? 1.00

00:06:58.000 You trying to start some shit here? 1.00

00:07:00.000 Right. 0.99

00:07:00.000 Are you pretending that that's not inflammatory? 0.99

00:07:03.000 Yeah, that's a problem.

00:07:04.000 We're just supposed to let it go?

00:07:05.000 We're just supposed to let it go because you're cool about it?

00:07:08.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:07:08.000 Come on, silly. 0.99

00:07:09.000 That's a highly charged word. 0.99

00:07:11.000 No, that was my thing, yeah.

00:07:13.000 Anyway, brought to you by Onnit.com.

00:07:15.000 That was a commercial. 1.00

00:07:16.000 Go check out our shit. 1.00

00:07:17.000 Go online. 1.00

00:07:18.000 It's going to do something for you. 1.00

00:07:19.000 I'm telling you, these kettlebells in your ass. 0.99

00:07:21.000 Yeah, it's an amazing workout. 1.00

00:07:23.000 I love it.

00:07:24.000 It's the number one strength thing that I do.

00:07:26.000 Go to Onnit.com, O-N-N-I-T, and enter in the code name for Rogan.

00:07:29.000 I think the kettlebells aren't going to be ready for like a week or so, but we'll let you know as soon as they are. 0.97

00:07:34.000 All right, freaks, let's start this bitch. 1.00

00:07:36.000 Enter in the code name ROGAN, get yourself 10% off everything, every all order. 0.98

00:07:39.000 And if you order 30 pills on the first order, it's a 100% money back guarantee. 0.99

00:07:43.000 If you try it, you don't like it, you're like, this is bullshit. 0.98

00:07:46.000 We're way more concerned with no one feeling like they got ripped off. 0.98

00:07:50.000 The other cool thing is I ordered and they sent all sorts of little supplements with it.

00:07:54.000 You don't just get the thing that you got.

00:07:56.000 Did they send you the different stuff like New Mood or something?

00:08:00.000 Yeah, just tons of like, hey, try a few of these and it's fine. 0.97

00:08:02.000 It's all the highest quality shit you can get online. 0.95

00:08:05.000 Google Nootropics, folks. 0.99

00:08:06.000 Check in.

00:08:07.000 Look into it.

00:08:07.000 Don't just make an impulse buy.

00:08:09.000 You should really read up on it.

00:08:10.000 There's some fascinating pro and con.

00:08:13.000 All right?

00:08:13.000 That's it.

00:08:14.000 Start the podcast.

00:08:15.000 Neil Brennan's here, ladies and gentlemen.

00:08:16.000 The Joe Rogan Experience.

00:08:18.000 Train by day.

00:08:19.000 Joe Rogan Podcast by night.

00:08:21.000 All day.

00:08:26.000 Nick Diaz representing.

00:08:29.000 I'm going to go watch Nick Diaz compete in a grappling match, Brian.

00:08:31.000 You want to come and film it?

00:08:33.000 It's like May 12th in Long Beach.

00:08:36.000 Nick Diaz is going to fight Braulio Estima, this world champion Brazilian jiu-jitsu black belt.

00:08:43.000 They're going to have a grappling-only match.

00:08:45.000 Weird.

00:08:45.000 Yeah, it'd be dope.

00:08:46.000 Hey, what is powerful?

00:08:48.000 Powerful.

00:08:48.000 You've texted me, powerful.

00:08:51.000 Powerful Neil Brennan. 0.99

00:08:52.000 It's just sort of a catch-all, silly-ass. 0.99

00:08:55.000 Well, I say powerful Neil Brennan, and so I'm letting you know, you're powerful. 0.97

00:08:59.000 I'm giving you energy.

00:09:00.000 I'm firing you up.

00:09:01.000 Thank you.

00:09:01.000 You know?

00:09:02.000 I'm happy to be around you.

00:09:03.000 Yeah.

00:09:04.000 When you say that to someone, you're happy to be around them.

00:09:06.000 Powerful Neil Brennan.

00:09:07.000 Right?

00:09:08.000 Powerful Brian Redband.

00:09:09.000 I don't use it at that much. 0.99

00:09:11.000 I use the shit out of that. 0.98

00:09:12.000 I use it in text form. 0.98

00:09:14.000 Yeah, you powerfuled me on the thing.

00:09:16.000 Yeah, man.

00:09:16.000 Spread out that positivity.

00:09:17.000 That's what it is.

00:09:18.000 It sounds corny to say, spread out that positivity.

00:09:21.000 I thought it was just sort of sarcastic. 0.97

00:09:22.000 No, it's being silly. 0.75

00:09:23.000 It's fun.

00:09:24.000 Powerful fun.

00:09:25.000 Powerful is like positive fun.

00:09:29.000 You know?

00:09:30.000 Yeah.

00:09:31.000 Whoever, name a guy.

00:09:32.000 Name a guy.

00:09:33.000 Jonathan Taylor Thomas.

00:09:34.000 Powerful Jonathan Taylor Thomas.

00:09:36.000 Where you been, kid?

00:09:37.000 Give him one more.

00:09:39.000 One more name.

00:09:41.000 Don't hate on Jonathan Taylor.

00:09:42.000 JTT, come on, man.

00:09:43.000 He's the bomb.

00:09:44.000 What happens to guys like that?

00:09:45.000 They go and do Lifetime movies now?

00:09:47.000 You know, I think he's one of those guys that I think I could be completely wrong that he did the school thing where he's like, you know what?

00:09:54.000 I'm going back to school.

00:09:55.000 Good for him.

00:09:56.000 That's the thing to do.

00:09:57.000 Don't rely on...

00:09:58.000 I think the kid from Jerry Maguire...

00:10:02.000 Got into like a DUI. Oh yeah.

00:10:04.000 I had a podcast recently.

00:10:06.000 Did you really?

00:10:06.000 Yeah.

00:10:07.000 He got a DUI and I remember in like an accident and I remember he was driving a Saturn and I was like, come on show business.

00:10:14.000 Wow. 1.00

00:10:14.000 Couldn't do better than give that fucking kid a Saturn. 1.00

00:10:16.000 He grew up really good. 1.00

00:10:19.000 Like his parents and him are really close and stuff like that.

00:10:22.000 Now he's like does jujitsu.

00:10:23.000 He's been doing jujitsu since he was a kid.

00:10:25.000 Okay.

00:10:26.000 Wait, which kid is this again?

00:10:29.000 Jonathan...

00:10:29.000 I want to say Lipnicki.

00:10:30.000 Lipnicki.

00:10:31.000 Is that who that is?

00:10:31.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:10:32.000 That's Hefron's buddy.

00:10:33.000 Yeah, we had him on...

00:10:34.000 He strangles Hefron. 1.00

00:10:34.000 They do jiu-jitsu together and he kicks his ass. 1.00

00:10:37.000 Apparently he's good. 0.99

00:10:38.000 He's a real cool guy.

00:10:39.000 Real nice guy.

00:10:40.000 Really well brought up.

00:10:42.000 Listen, some guys get through it.

00:10:43.000 We had Ricky Schroeder on here.

00:10:44.000 Remember how nice he was?

00:10:45.000 He's almost like Evangelical. 0.56

00:10:47.000 He's almost like Born Again.

00:10:49.000 He was for a little bit, but he's kind of mellowed off that now.

00:10:53.000 They were pretty hardcore.

00:10:55.000 Well, it's his business, whatever.

00:10:56.000 But he's a super nice guy.

00:10:59.000 And somehow or another, he made it through. 0.99

00:11:02.000 He made it through as a fucking... 0.99

00:11:03.000 He had a weird way of describing it when he was on the podcast. 0.99

00:11:06.000 He said he has never not been famous.

00:11:09.000 He goes, it's all I've ever known.

00:11:11.000 He goes, it's weird and everything, but it's all I've ever known.

00:11:14.000 He goes, I've had some ups and downs in trying to figure out how to deal with it, but that's his whole life.

00:11:20.000 Yeah, I guess so. 1.00

00:11:21.000 Fuck, that's nuts. 1.00

00:11:22.000 That was a really fascinating conversation. 1.00

00:11:25.000 Being famous, do you compare it to not being famous very much anymore? 0.99

00:11:30.000 Meaning, do you go once a day, do you go, fuck, I wish I could just, I wish it were 1990. I wish I had the identity of 1990. No, you know how I look at it? 0.98

00:11:39.000 It's just a bunch of people being nice, for the most part.

00:11:42.000 It's like, what are you putting out there?

00:11:44.000 I have opinions about things, and I joke around about things.

00:11:47.000 The last bad energy that I got was when I was making fun of some dude in the Country Music Awards.

00:11:52.000 But Homeboy was standing in front of a jet, playing a country music song with jeans that had cut rips on them, on purpose, all over them. 0.99

00:12:02.000 And I was like, come on, that's fucking ridiculous. 0.99

00:12:05.000 You were chitting on them on Twitter? 0.99

00:12:07.000 I couldn't stop goofing on them, yeah, and goofing on those jeans.

00:12:10.000 And then I was even admitting that I wear a fanny pack and I have a wallet chain, and I'm still goofing on that. 1.00

00:12:15.000 Like, that's how stupid those fucking jeans were. 1.00

00:12:17.000 Like, one day we're going to look back on those jeans. 1.00

00:12:19.000 This is country music, man.

00:12:20.000 Country music is supposed to be Merle Haggard, Johnny Cash, and that's like real country music.

00:12:26.000 This is like, that's not real country.

00:12:28.000 You're standing in front of a jet!

00:12:29.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:12:30.000 The fuck are you doing in front of a jet? 1.00

00:12:31.000 What are you doing? 1.00

00:12:32.000 Like, in a hangar?

00:12:33.000 Like, he's playing overseas.

00:12:34.000 Like, I'm here for...

00:12:35.000 This is, like, overseas with the boys.

00:12:37.000 I'm gonna get in front of the jet.

00:12:38.000 I support troops.

00:12:39.000 Oh, he's playing in front of, like, an F-15 or something?

00:12:41.000 Yeah, exactly.

00:12:42.000 And it's like, what?

00:12:43.000 What are you doing there?

00:12:45.000 He's in the danger.

00:12:45.000 I don't know if the whole show was in front of a jet.

00:12:47.000 They might have done the whole Country Music Awards in front of a jet, which would have been awesome.

00:12:51.000 I don't know if the sets changed.

00:12:53.000 I really have no idea.

00:12:54.000 I only watched it for a little bit, but I made a joke that Country Music Awards hates black people so much they won't even use black microphones because there was a red microphone. 0.81

00:13:04.000 That's hilarious. 0.79

00:13:05.000 When was the last time you saw a red microphone? 0.58

00:13:07.000 Well, yeah, that is funny, because I will shit on stuff online, and I'm like, well, am I... Like, we're comics, but then at a certain point, it's like, when do you go?

00:13:16.000 I don't want to make fun of that. 0.85

00:13:19.000 Or, I don't know.

00:13:20.000 It's hard, man, because I always wanted to say what's funny and what I would say amongst my friends who wouldn't judge me.

00:13:25.000 Like, we could all be talking...

00:13:28.000 Like, perfect example, Amy Schumer. 1.00

00:13:30.000 When Amy Schumer was on yesterday and we were talking to her, we were joking around about her mother possibly being a cunt. 0.99

00:13:37.000 And I'm like, how often do you, you know, you can just always go there when you're with a bunch of comics and you're all just sitting around. 1.00

00:13:44.000 Shit on each other. 0.99

00:13:45.000 You could always go to some terrible place. 1.00

00:13:46.000 We don't really think you mean it.

00:13:48.000 We're not going to call you on it. 0.99

00:13:50.000 We know you're just trying to be funny by saying something fucked up. 0.97

00:13:55.000 We talked about the N-word last time, but I was thinking about how comics... 0.96

00:14:00.000 I was thinking today how my brother Kevin, comedian Kevin Brennan, and Attell, when I was in high school, had a joke where...

00:14:08.000 If they would like be on the phone and they go like, hey, what's the weather like?

00:14:12.000 And it'd be like, it's raining. 1.00

00:14:13.000 And they'd be like, fucking diggers. 1.00

00:14:16.000 Like somehow the black people control the weather, which is so stupid and hilarious. 1.00

00:14:24.000 Right. 1.00

00:14:24.000 Hilarious because they didn't mean it. 1.00

00:14:26.000 No, of course you don't mean it.

00:14:27.000 And also the idea, you're making fun of the idea that most people just don't.

00:14:33.000 Get ironed.

00:14:34.000 They just don't get ironed.

00:14:35.000 They're not able to look at life with layers.

00:14:39.000 Right.

00:14:39.000 And they can't see that at the bottom of it, it's supposed to be about intent.

00:14:42.000 And this is not just about white guys that are throwing...

00:14:47.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 1.00

00:14:48.000 Or you'll just go like, what a cunt. 1.00

00:14:51.000 Yeah, you gotta know when someone is joking, when it's obvious. 1.00

00:14:56.000 I mean, some people will say things in a crowd, and you'll be the only one that laughs, and there'll be like eight or nine people that are really pissed off.

00:15:04.000 Come on, the guy, he's right, he said something silly. 0.98

00:15:07.000 Like Gilbert with the Geico ads and all the Gilbert's jokes about the tsunami were fucking hilarious. 0.99

00:15:15.000 As he was following, I was watching them in real time going like, boy, these are fucking funny jokes. 0.99

00:15:21.000 And then he got in trouble. 0.99

00:15:23.000 Oh, well, he went too quick.

00:15:25.000 Way too quick.

00:15:27.000 You can't even say too quick.

00:15:29.000 You couldn't even do that now.

00:15:31.000 You can't do tsunami jokes now.

00:15:32.000 You couldn't do it now because people don't remember it.

00:15:36.000 Did you hear about the Florida Marlins guy who got suspended for five days?

00:15:39.000 I'm so mad about that. 0.97

00:15:40.000 It's so ridiculous. 0.73

00:15:41.000 Because I actually tweeted yesterday, like, shouldn't he be protected by the First Amendment? 0.75

00:15:45.000 Tell people the story.

00:15:46.000 The story was, he said that... 1.00

00:15:50.000 First of all, everything he says is fucking batshit crazy. 0.97

00:15:53.000 He's got one of the funniest Twitter feeds ever. 0.99

00:15:56.000 What is his Twitter?

00:15:57.000 Ozzy Guillen.

00:15:58.000 How do you spell that?

00:15:59.000 O-Z-Z-I-E-G-U-I-L-L-E-N. But go back like two months. 0.84

00:16:05.000 Because he'd just go like, hey, just some...

00:16:07.000 G-L what?

00:16:08.000 G-U-I-L-L-E-N. Anyway, he said something in an interview where...

00:16:14.000 And he's great because he just won't apologize for shit. 0.99

00:16:16.000 So he said something in an interview in Time Magazine, in Espanol, that he admired Castro. 0.99

00:16:26.000 Now, what he was saying was he admired him because the guy...

00:16:30.000 I admire Castro in certain respects. 0.97

00:16:34.000 The fact that Castro has outlasted this many people as a comic, I'm like, that's fucking hilarious. 0.83

00:16:40.000 Like, the entire world is against this guy. 0.93

00:16:43.000 And he's like, no, you can send me exploding cigars.

00:16:45.000 Nope. 1.00

00:16:46.000 You can fucking... 1.00

00:16:47.000 I mean, he's tyrannical. 1.00

00:16:49.000 He's a dickhead. 0.99

00:16:50.000 But the fact that I respect his endurance... 0.99

00:16:55.000 A guy that can last 60 years. 1.00

00:16:59.000 He even said he's a bad motherfucker. 1.00

00:17:03.000 That's the words he used. 1.00

00:17:04.000 He said he's a bad motherfucker. 1.00

00:17:07.000 Joey Diaz will say the same shit. 1.00

00:17:09.000 Joey Diaz was born in Cuba. 1.00

00:17:11.000 He'll tell you, Castro's a bad motherfucker. 1.00

00:17:13.000 He's still running shit down there. 1.00

00:17:15.000 It's like when Bill Maher said that he got suspended five games, the coach of a baseball team, for saying that Castro was great. 1.00

00:17:26.000 Was a bad motherfucker. 0.99

00:17:27.000 Because he was saying that he's been in power for so many years and people have tried to remove him. 1.00

00:17:31.000 He's a bad motherfucker. 1.00

00:17:33.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:17:33.000 That's all he said. 1.00

00:17:33.000 He didn't say he's doing wonderful things and he's misunderstood. 1.00

00:17:37.000 He's a humanitarian.

00:17:38.000 And I agree with his political strategy.

00:17:39.000 No. 1.00

00:17:40.000 He just said he's a bad motherfucker. 1.00

00:17:41.000 You're telling me that a guy who's in professional sports can't call a guy who's a dictator for... 1.00

00:17:46.000 How long has he been a dictator?

00:17:48.000 60 years? 0.97

00:17:49.000 You can't call that guy a bad motherfucker Can you call Genghis Kong a bad motherfucker You can right That wouldn't be a problem at all You know why Genghis Kong is dead And none of his victims are alive And also there's not a huge Chinese contingent of Marlon fans That's the biggest problem That's the biggest problem, is that most of the fans of the Marlins are Cuban expats. 1.00

00:18:11.000 Or not most, but a lot of the... 0.98

00:18:12.000 And they would agree with him.

00:18:14.000 What he said wasn't out of line.

00:18:16.000 He wasn't in support of Castro.

00:18:18.000 He was acknowledging that this guy...

00:18:20.000 Look, when people talk about Al Capone, they don't speak in glowing terms.

00:18:24.000 But they go, dude, the Al Capone stories of Chicago are pretty legendary. 1.00

00:18:28.000 Al Capone was a bad motherfucker. 1.00

00:18:30.000 He was obviously an evil person. 1.00

00:18:32.000 Happy he's dead, all that good stuff. 0.95

00:18:34.000 Well, yeah, that's the thing.

00:18:35.000 It's like, people like Michael Corleone. 1.00

00:18:37.000 Yeah, what the fuck? 0.99

00:18:38.000 But yeah, they like story... 1.00

00:18:39.000 They like theoretically...

00:18:41.000 Tony Soprano is great.

00:18:41.000 Yeah.

00:18:42.000 I love Tony.

00:18:42.000 But they don't like...

00:18:43.000 But that's the thing that I think is interesting is how far...

00:18:47.000 Darth Vader. 1.00

00:18:47.000 He even killed Ewoks by people who think he's a bad motherfucker. 1.00

00:18:50.000 Yeah, right? 1.00

00:18:50.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00

00:18:51.000 King Kong stepped on people.

00:18:52.000 He's a charming...

00:18:53.000 He's an anti-hero. 1.00

00:18:54.000 Fucking... 1.00

00:18:55.000 You want him to be the greatest anti-hero of all time? 1.00

00:18:56.000 Hannibal Lecter. 1.00

00:18:57.000 Fucking eight people. 1.00

00:18:58.000 Right. 1.00

00:18:59.000 At the end of fucking... 1.00

00:19:00.000 Having an old friend at dinner and you're... 1.00

00:19:02.000 I'm having an old friend for dinner and you're like... 0.93

00:19:04.000 You fucking right you're going to have an old friend for dinner. 0.94

00:19:06.000 Yeah, we're excited. 1.00

00:19:06.000 That is my motherfucker right there. 1.00

00:19:08.000 Excited. 1.00

00:19:09.000 Spider-Man.

00:19:09.000 Yeah.

00:19:10.000 That fucking awful... 0.99

00:19:12.000 But the question is how... 0.99

00:19:15.000 So that speech is not protected.

00:19:17.000 Because I actually Twittered, like, is he not protected by the First Amendment?

00:19:20.000 And they were like, no, it only protects you from...

00:19:21.000 Because I said, if you criticize Castro in Cuba, you get punished.

00:19:26.000 And if you compliment him in America, you get punished.

00:19:29.000 Which is like, so that's freedom, kind of.

00:19:33.000 And people were saying, well, his First Amendment right, it's protected.

00:19:37.000 The government, he can't get arrested for it.

00:19:39.000 But if you sign a contract, your company can...

00:19:43.000 Say whatever they want.

00:19:45.000 But it's odd, because like...

00:19:47.000 But if you got transgender surgery, they couldn't fire you. 0.98

00:19:50.000 Or suspend you.

00:19:52.000 You know what I mean? 0.99

00:19:53.000 Like, there's shit that you can do that's protected. 0.99

00:19:58.000 If you say... 1.00

00:19:59.000 Transgender surgery? 0.77

00:20:00.000 Whatever. 0.99

00:20:01.000 If you did something crazy...

00:20:03.000 I think there's like...

00:20:04.000 Certain things are legal.

00:20:06.000 Certain things are protected.

00:20:08.000 If you went to like a... 0.95

00:20:12.000 If someone marched against Occupy Wall Street, for instance, they could get fired, I guess?

00:20:25.000 By this logic, it's like if you say I like Castro, and then if you say I want to occupy Wall Street, you could get fired and there's nothing you can do about it, which just kind of feels odd to me.

00:20:36.000 Well, he didn't get fired.

00:20:37.000 He got suspended for five years.

00:20:39.000 But without pay, I'm assuming.

00:20:40.000 Yeah, I think the idea is that he obviously has an enormous voice as opposed to a regular guy with a regular job, and that what he's saying is influential, and that they can't show support of it because it's, you know, it's...

00:20:53.000 Right, but what's the difference between that and LeBron and those guys putting their hood up and releasing that picture?

00:20:59.000 I think there's a big difference.

00:21:01.000 But what is it?

00:21:01.000 Because I don't know what the difference is.

00:21:03.000 Well, I mean, one is in resistance to what they think is an injustice that was committed by a guy who's a bit sketchy.

00:21:09.000 Right.

00:21:10.000 And they want to make sure that someone's brought to justice.

00:21:13.000 And the other one is a guy expressing his...

00:21:19.000 Beliefs that a dictator is pretty wild.

00:21:22.000 I don't understand that connection at all.

00:21:25.000 I admire one aspect of that guy's personality, is what they're saying.

00:21:30.000 They're just giving him his props.

00:21:31.000 I don't even think they're admiring him.

00:21:32.000 I'm saying Guillen is saying, I admire the part of him that has lasted this long. 0.99

00:21:39.000 That's the bad motherfucker part. 1.00

00:21:41.000 He's a pimp, he's a Don, he's whatever. 1.00

00:21:44.000 Managed to stay in control as a dictator so long. 0.91

00:21:49.000 It's amazing how long, when you hear about Kim Il-yong, whatever his name was, Kim Jong-il, the guy who died. 0.98

00:21:56.000 And you think about how long that guy and what kind of damage that guy and his fucking regime has done to that poor country. 0.96

00:22:03.000 You're like, wow, it's amazing what someone can do. 0.99

00:22:07.000 That actually can, you know, you watch Game of Thrones?

00:22:10.000 You ever watch that?

00:22:10.000 I haven't watched it.

00:22:11.000 When you think about the idea of kings, you know, it's amazing that someone still to this day can rock it king style.

00:22:18.000 You know, but there are guys like Castro's rocking it king style.

00:22:21.000 You can call him whatever you want. 0.99

00:22:23.000 That's the goddamn king of Cuba. 0.99

00:22:24.000 You know, you look at Kim Jong-il. 1.00

00:22:26.000 That's the goddamn king of North Korea. 0.99

00:22:28.000 I don't care what you want to call him. 1.00

00:22:29.000 President, El Wonderful, El Greatness, the Honorable, whatever you want to call him.

00:22:34.000 Okay, I guess my question to the LeBron thing is...

00:22:36.000 It's an alpha male.

00:22:37.000 I get that, but I'm saying, at what point would LeBron and the Heat get...

00:22:44.000 Where does it cross the line to, like, we can suspend you?

00:22:47.000 Why would that ever make them be suspended ever?

00:22:51.000 What if they said, I respect Castro?

00:22:54.000 They didn't even say anything.

00:22:55.000 No, but I'm saying...

00:22:56.000 You're just taking a photo.

00:22:57.000 No, but I'm saying how far...

00:22:58.000 At what point does it become objectionable if you say you like...

00:23:03.000 Hitler. 0.57

00:23:04.000 A dictator.

00:23:05.000 Hitler, of course, is the obvious. 0.98

00:23:07.000 Everybody, that's the...

00:23:08.000 When you like a dictator or you stand in support of...

00:23:15.000 A kid that was wearing his hood.

00:23:17.000 I'm not making a false equivalency.

00:23:19.000 I'm just wondering, where does one become objectionable if he had said, I kind of like Castro?

00:23:27.000 I think there's so many people that are in support of the Trayvon Martin, what's his name?

00:23:34.000 Trayvon Martin, yeah.

00:23:34.000 Yeah, Trayvon Martin and this George Zimmerman character that they just arrested today.

00:23:39.000 There's so many people in support of an investigation into that.

00:23:43.000 And there's so many people that felt like injustice had occurred and that that kid had gotten killed and it could have all been avoided.

00:23:49.000 There were so many people.

00:23:51.000 It becomes the court of public opinion.

00:23:53.000 Right, but that's the thing.

00:23:54.000 It's almost the court of public opinion.

00:23:56.000 We almost live in a snitchocracy where it's like, ha! 0.99

00:24:00.000 The guy released a Kino video and then we're like, literally, you can almost feel people's pleasure when that guy was jerking off on the sidewalk. 1.00

00:24:08.000 We're like, fucking, we got another one. 1.00

00:24:11.000 We fucking, we fucked you up so badly with just scrutiny. 1.00

00:24:15.000 I feel like the light has never been the hotter. 1.00

00:24:19.000 Right.

00:24:20.000 Like, the cultural spotlight of, like...

00:24:22.000 Yes.

00:24:22.000 And it becomes low-hanging fruit to make fun of this guy, the Coney guy.

00:24:26.000 Right. 0.99

00:24:27.000 Of, like, fucking, you didn't have your fucking facts straight, and Coney should have done this four years ago. 1.00

00:24:31.000 Okay. 1.00

00:24:32.000 Yes, but... 1.00

00:24:34.000 If you even have it in you somewhere that you might get to a point where you're running around naked, jerking off in the street, acting gay as fuck, I'd like to see that, please. 1.00

00:24:45.000 Okay? 1.00

00:24:46.000 And I'm happy when some pressure cooker situation outs some fucking crazy bitch. 1.00

00:24:51.000 Because that's what that guy is. 1.00

00:24:53.000 Because you can do that to me all day long.

00:24:54.000 Unless you're dosing me up. 0.99

00:24:56.000 I'm not running through the streets jerking off naked. 0.99

00:24:59.000 That's never come up. 0.78

00:25:00.000 There's never been a day where that's even been a concern.

00:25:02.000 I agree, but do you think it's good?

00:25:04.000 Do you think it's like cultural vetting?

00:25:07.000 That is, most certainly, he failed.

00:25:10.000 He failed Life's Intelligence Test, 100%.

00:25:13.000 He failed in several factors.

00:25:15.000 He failed, first of all, by making this whole campaign, which was not quite informed or wasn't quite accurate with the facts.

00:25:24.000 Where this guy was at the time and what had been done and what's being done right now.

00:25:28.000 And then on top of it, there was a huge amount of money that wasn't going to the actual cause.

00:25:33.000 Some insane amount of money.

00:25:35.000 And then there was the other dude who was his partner who was joking around about it.

00:25:39.000 They caught him on video joking around.

00:25:40.000 There was so many things about it where it just screamed like, a brilliant plan!

00:25:45.000 They concocted...

00:25:47.000 A brilliant plan to disguise a money-making venture inside some sort of a charitable organization.

00:25:55.000 That's what everybody got upset about.

00:25:56.000 If it's a football field, I'm on the 40-yard line of thinking it was basically good.

00:26:04.000 Do you know what I mean?

00:26:05.000 I thought it was more good than bad.

00:26:08.000 I think it certainly generated money that wouldn't have been generated without it towards that cause.

00:26:15.000 It goes to where do you think it should be.

00:26:18.000 Should it be a regulation thing or should it be just a court of public opinion?

00:26:22.000 I don't want to compare these two because they're two very different things, but in a sense it's the same.

00:26:28.000 Louis C.K. released a comedy special online for five bucks.

00:26:31.000 Now, that means that no one can release a comedy special for $20.

00:26:36.000 You can't do it online. 0.99

00:26:37.000 Because Louis C.K., who is widely recognized as one of the very best, if not the best stand-up working today, he said $5 for his shit. 1.00

00:26:45.000 So that means it's $5 for your shit. 1.00

00:26:47.000 And I think that's a good way to establish it. 1.00

00:26:51.000 I think that's a good way.

00:26:53.000 This is your way of saying that you're going to start charging for the Joe Rogan podcast. 0.81

00:26:55.000 No, I'm saying the court of public opinion with this guy looked at it and said, okay, we think it's a good cause to shine the light on someone who definitely did some terrible shit, so there's a lot of good in what you did, but why are you making so much money off that?

00:27:10.000 That's what the court of public opinion is saying about this guy. 0.98

00:27:13.000 And that's where the scrutiny cracked him, and that's when he ran out naked. 0.98

00:27:17.000 I would venture that no one really gave a fuck about the kids to begin with. 0.99

00:27:23.000 It was like a nice story to just go, yeah, but meanwhile there's homeless fucking kids outside my window. 0.99

00:27:27.000 And I'm like, hey, look at them. 1.00

00:27:29.000 You should move.

00:27:30.000 They were invisible kids anyway.

00:27:31.000 Yeah, I think no one really cared.

00:27:34.000 I don't think anyone really cared about the plight of the kids.

00:27:37.000 Really?

00:27:38.000 I think it's like a story that you go, hey, did you hear this story?

00:27:43.000 And then you get engaged.

00:27:46.000 So I think that people never really cared.

00:27:49.000 And then I also think...

00:27:50.000 People never really cared that he was making money. 0.97

00:27:52.000 I think there was a fringe of people that truly care about kids' rights and African issues and shit like that. 1.00

00:27:58.000 And there's a sliver of people that care about transparency in fundraising operations. 0.95

00:28:05.000 And then everybody else is just like, where are we going now? 1.00

00:28:08.000 Fuck him! 1.00

00:28:09.000 Fuck this guy! 1.00

00:28:11.000 I honestly think that this is what happens. 1.00

00:28:13.000 People care, but they have their own life to deal with.

00:28:16.000 And that's where it really comes in.

00:28:18.000 There's a lot of people that, yeah, I care about Africa.

00:28:21.000 Of course I do. 0.99

00:28:21.000 When I look at this idea that you see these children living in fucking dirt huts and they have no water. 0.99

00:28:27.000 Oh, most of the world is in awful shit. 1.00

00:28:30.000 It's terrible, of course. 1.00

00:28:31.000 A third of the world, straight up.

00:28:32.000 Anthony Bourdain did some show on Mozambique, and he was traveling through Mozambique, and I'm watching the show, and I'm like, this is crazy, man.

00:28:40.000 They have no running water.

00:28:41.000 They have no electricity.

00:28:43.000 They have no nothing.

00:28:44.000 They have these grass shacks.

00:28:47.000 I mean, they're essentially living not much differently than people lived thousands and thousands and thousands of years ago.

00:28:53.000 And they're getting by.

00:28:54.000 I mean, they're having kids, and they're getting enough food to eat, and they're keeping the whole process going.

00:28:59.000 But you're like, wow.

00:29:00.000 Wow.

00:29:01.000 That's amazing that in 2012, that's going on.

00:29:04.000 I do care. 1.00

00:29:05.000 But then you also have your own fucking life. 1.00

00:29:07.000 Oh, you care! 1.00

00:29:08.000 But it's like, what can I... It's such a massive problem.

00:29:11.000 I feel like every...

00:29:13.000 I'm sorry.

00:29:13.000 I feel like everybody...

00:29:14.000 I play footsies with Brian.

00:29:15.000 I feel like everyone has something that they're compelled to do in this life.

00:29:22.000 And I think that some people are compelled to charity.

00:29:24.000 And I think those people should do charity.

00:29:26.000 You know, I don't...

00:29:28.000 I don't think it's a selfish thing to pursue your own goals entirely, and to only try to be around and experience the things that you're actually enjoying in this life.

00:29:40.000 I think there's people that are not compelled to do that, and they should be allowed to do that.

00:29:44.000 They should be allowed to pursue charities, and I think you should donate money, and I do.

00:29:48.000 But I can't get involved to the point where it eats my life up.

00:29:52.000 Because I think it would.

00:29:53.000 It would easily.

00:29:54.000 I could easily get my life eaten up by trying to help kids.

00:29:59.000 If you helped a bunch of kids and you saw them get over something, certain illnesses, famine, whatever.

00:30:06.000 If you actually were there and experienced it with them and then became friends with them and had some sort of relationship with those kids, Jesus Christ, it would completely consume your life.

00:30:15.000 He'd be like, I gotta help Africa.

00:30:17.000 Well, that's what the Jason, what's his name, that's what apparently the deal was.

00:30:22.000 Yeah, if you loved them, if they became like your little brothers and sisters.

00:30:24.000 And Clooney is like that with Sudan. 0.99

00:30:25.000 Of course, of course. 0.99

00:30:27.000 I mean, the real issue is we need to get our own fucking politicians to do that. 0.98

00:30:32.000 What about, what do you make of the pressure cooker, though? 0.99

00:30:35.000 What do you make of the thing, like, until, like, when Zimmerman was gone, I thought, oh, he's gonna kill himself.

00:30:42.000 I'm surprised Jerry Sandusky hasn't killed himself. 0.99

00:30:44.000 Jerry Sandusky's a horrible person. 1.00

00:30:46.000 Oh, he's a complete scumbag. 1.00

00:30:48.000 These are bad examples. 1.00

00:30:50.000 I think people that just get torn like celebrities that get TMZ'd to the point where they just attack camera people, and you see them, they just can't take it anymore.

00:31:00.000 And I don't consider it vetting.

00:31:02.000 I just consider it, it's like...

00:31:03.000 The cultural metabolism is so out of control. 0.90

00:31:06.000 Yeah, I think there's certainly that.

00:31:09.000 I think people are also so angry.

00:31:11.000 They're looking for an enemy.

00:31:13.000 People are so angry at the economy.

00:31:15.000 There's something like 40% of all kids that live between 18 and I think 34, they're living with their parents.

00:31:24.000 Children in their 30s, they're living with their parents. 0.93

00:31:27.000 40%.

00:31:28.000 Yeah.

00:31:28.000 Sounds like heaven.

00:31:29.000 That seems like heaven.

00:31:31.000 Brian's like, let me nap and make me cereal.

00:31:34.000 Mom, are you listening?

00:31:35.000 I'm playing my house.

00:31:35.000 I just want to take my dog for walks.

00:31:39.000 Silly. 1.00

00:31:39.000 You live in America. 1.00

00:31:40.000 You lucky bitch. 1.00

00:31:42.000 Mozambique. 1.00

00:31:43.000 Go watch it.

00:31:43.000 Watch it.

00:31:44.000 You won't be such a whiny bitch. 1.00

00:31:45.000 Well, you're lucky. 1.00

00:31:47.000 High speed internet. 1.00

00:31:47.000 You're lucky because you got that shit. 1.00

00:31:49.000 As a grown adult, dusting and cleaning the toilet. 1.00

00:31:54.000 Mozambique, dude.

00:31:54.000 Watch the episode.

00:31:55.000 It'll be good for you.

00:31:56.000 Mose on Beak.

00:31:57.000 Watch the Anthony Bourdain show that we were just talking about.

00:32:01.000 The guy that wears the thumb ring?

00:32:03.000 He used to.

00:32:03.000 He tweeted about it.

00:32:05.000 I tweeted him.

00:32:08.000 Bourdain wore a thumb ring?

00:32:08.000 I said that he was the only guy that I've ever met with a thumb ring that I didn't want to strangle.

00:32:12.000 But he said I got rid of that shit a long time ago. 1.00

00:32:14.000 And he wrote age limit for that shit in the hashtag. 1.00

00:32:17.000 Yeah, but doesn't he also have one of those tribal things around his belly button? 1.00

00:32:20.000 Or is that somebody else?

00:32:21.000 No, he doesn't have a thing around his belly button.

00:32:23.000 He might.

00:32:25.000 He's got a snake.

00:32:27.000 Him and his wife both have a snake on their arm.

00:32:29.000 It might be him.

00:32:31.000 There's something about doing a tattoo around your belly button that makes me go, hmm.

00:32:36.000 And have one of those dangly piercings, the little dangling ones.

00:32:39.000 Men with a dangly one?

00:32:40.000 Has any guy ever pulled that off?

00:32:42.000 No, but it'd be awesome.

00:32:44.000 Okay, here's my question.

00:32:45.000 Please.

00:32:46.000 The question is, a guy like Ozzy Guillen, I think it's bad that he gets fined.

00:32:53.000 I think it's ultimately bad for the country.

00:32:56.000 I just wish people could...

00:32:58.000 It's people... 0.99

00:33:00.000 Are not corporate fucking spokespeople. 0.99

00:33:03.000 Do you know what I mean? 0.99

00:33:04.000 And that's the thing is everyone's become that.

00:33:06.000 We talked about the Tracy thing last time.

00:33:08.000 And everyone's just in a constant state of... 0.98

00:33:11.000 Anytime you tweet something, there's like, how the fuck can you say that? 0.95

00:33:16.000 And it's like... 0.98

00:33:17.000 Yeah, well, we were...

00:33:18.000 And you strike me as the kind of guy that's never going to apologize for anything you say, I don't think.

00:33:24.000 Well, you know, I'll let people know what my intentions are.

00:33:27.000 I'm not going to apologize. 0.99

00:33:29.000 But if I, like, I, you know, I wasn't going to apologize to the people that were mad that I said the guy was a silly bitch for wearing ripped jeans. 0.99

00:33:36.000 Right. 0.99

00:33:36.000 Fake ripped jeans. 0.99

00:33:38.000 That's some silly bitch shit. 1.00

00:33:40.000 That's just what it is. 1.00

00:33:41.000 And what was their case?

00:33:43.000 They're mad at me.

00:33:44.000 For what?

00:33:45.000 I guess your career is in the toilet.

00:33:48.000 You need to get attention this way.

00:33:50.000 There's a lot of that. 0.99

00:33:51.000 There's a lot of they want to point out how your career is in this shit. 0.99

00:33:54.000 Meanwhile, I got more Twitter friends than him. 1.00

00:33:58.000 Bitch! 1.00

00:33:59.000 How about that? 1.00

00:34:00.000 Just call Joe fat.

00:34:01.000 That works the best. 0.87

00:34:02.000 Yeah, fat is a good one.

00:34:03.000 We were at the comedy store one night and some chick was on camera. 0.96

00:34:07.000 We caught it on camera. 0.92

00:34:08.000 Some chick wouldn't stop calling me fat. 1.00

00:34:11.000 What are you talking about? 0.97

00:34:12.000 Six pack, he pulls up his shirt.

00:34:14.000 That hurts though because you think about...

00:34:17.000 Chappelle used to call me fat boy.

00:34:19.000 Jokingly? 0.80

00:34:19.000 That's preposterous. 0.80

00:34:20.000 No, I know, but it was...

00:34:21.000 Next to him, I technically was, had fat.

00:34:25.000 Oh, because he was very lean.

00:34:26.000 And it gets you a little crazy.

00:34:29.000 Fat is a big one for me.

00:34:30.000 Well, this was a girl that was trying to make me feel bad.

00:34:32.000 I was like, this doesn't even make sense.

00:34:34.000 You owned her so hard.

00:34:35.000 It was hilarious.

00:34:36.000 It was like a scene in a movie, but it was a douchey movie.

00:34:39.000 You were the villain?

00:34:41.000 You're not supposed to pull out your six-pack.

00:34:42.000 There's something about showing someone your abs.

00:34:45.000 Did she stand down or no?

00:34:47.000 She got rocked.

00:34:48.000 Yeah, turned into Jell-O. What did she say?

00:34:52.000 The kid's shredded. 1.00

00:34:53.000 You're so fat! 1.00

00:34:55.000 What did she say? 0.99

00:34:57.000 Yeah, but do you want...

00:34:58.000 I just don't want people to turn into... 0.98

00:35:01.000 Not everyone's running for office. 0.99

00:35:03.000 Just put out good shit, man. 1.00

00:35:05.000 I agree. 1.00

00:35:05.000 No, I agree, but then if you want to make fun of a guy's pants... 1.00

00:35:09.000 Yeah, but I was saying that's the only bad thing that I ever get back.

00:35:13.000 I get that.

00:35:13.000 Most of the time, it's all positive.

00:35:15.000 You put out good shit, and you get good shit back. 1.00

00:35:17.000 You put out good energy. 1.00

00:35:19.000 You get it back.

00:35:20.000 That's real.

00:35:21.000 I just think it's like... 0.98

00:35:23.000 He's going to be retards. 1.00

00:35:24.000 I mean, he got fired 10 years ago. 0.80

00:35:26.000 Who?

00:35:26.000 Bill Maher.

00:35:27.000 Bill Maher?

00:35:28.000 Oh, yeah.

00:35:28.000 And even the Rush Limbaugh thing.

00:35:30.000 Like, Rush Limbaugh's a piece of shit, as far as I'm concerned. 1.00

00:35:34.000 So I just don't listen to him. 1.00

00:35:35.000 And losing advertisers, I guess it's just... 0.93

00:35:38.000 If you don't know the Rush Limbaugh story, there was a girl who was trying to get the government, state, whoever the fuck pays that insurance that she was getting. 1.00

00:35:47.000 It was Georgetown University. 0.87

00:35:49.000 Okay.

00:35:49.000 She wanted them to pay for her birth control.

00:35:52.000 Right.

00:35:52.000 As part of her health care.

00:35:54.000 As part of her health care. 0.75

00:35:55.000 And Rush Limbaugh had argued that if our tax dollars were going to go to it, then we should be able to watch you have sex. 1.00

00:36:02.000 If you have so much sex, then we should be able to watch. 1.00

00:36:07.000 Basically, she's a prostitute. 1.00

00:36:10.000 You're having sex for money. 1.00

00:36:11.000 Doesn't he do bath salts? 0.99

00:36:12.000 He's a big drug guy, right?

00:36:14.000 He was doing mad oxys to the point where he went deaf. 0.79

00:36:19.000 Alex Jones described me the process of Oxycontin overdose that actually makes guys go deaf.

00:36:25.000 Do you remember when Rush went deaf?

00:36:27.000 No.

00:36:27.000 I mean, I remember when he was big into Oxy.

00:36:29.000 He went deaf.

00:36:30.000 He went to the point where his show suffered because he couldn't hear what people were saying to him sometimes.

00:36:36.000 And he couldn't understand it.

00:36:37.000 He couldn't hear his own voice.

00:36:39.000 So it didn't sound right.

00:36:40.000 It sounded off.

00:36:41.000 And it went for a long time before he got an operation.

00:36:43.000 And then he got it fixed.

00:36:45.000 And they did something.

00:36:46.000 I think they gave him an inner ear plant.

00:36:48.000 I think he's got an implant.

00:36:49.000 God, that's awesome.

00:36:50.000 Just from Oxy.

00:36:52.000 He's going deep, son!

00:36:55.000 That's great.

00:36:55.000 They said he was up to over 90 a day.

00:36:58.000 God damn it. 0.99

00:36:59.000 Oh my goodness! 1.00

00:37:00.000 Oh my goodness! 1.00

00:37:02.000 90 fucking pills a day homeboy was cranking. 1.00

00:37:06.000 I wish I had that sort of... 1.00

00:37:09.000 He was getting all kinds of different doctors to hook him up.

00:37:14.000 It gets me.

00:37:16.000 It gets me. 1.00

00:37:16.000 Have you done shit like that? 1.00

00:37:17.000 No, no, no, no. 1.00

00:37:18.000 I'm sure it would get you, though.

00:37:19.000 I have no doubt in my mind that OxyContin would get me.

00:37:22.000 I think they'd get everybody.

00:37:23.000 I mean, I think I would be strong and I would get off them, but I definitely think that if I was hanging around with a bottle of them and a swollen foot, and I took one, and also I'm like, oh, this is awesome.

00:37:33.000 And then you get hooked really quick.

00:37:35.000 No one has anything really bad to say about it other than the addiction.

00:37:39.000 Experience?

00:37:40.000 Yeah.

00:37:40.000 I've heard someone say it made them really nauseous, but that's what heroin does to a lot of people.

00:37:44.000 Right.

00:37:44.000 It makes them really nauseous.

00:37:46.000 Yeah.

00:37:46.000 That's the only thing.

00:37:46.000 But they say it feels amazing.

00:37:49.000 Mm-hmm.

00:37:50.000 I feel like I get hooked on Coke or Speed.

00:37:53.000 I've never even tried Coke or Speed.

00:37:55.000 I've barely seen it.

00:37:56.000 I've maybe seen it a dozen times.

00:37:58.000 I just remembered, dude.

00:38:01.000 I had a crazy-ass dream about you, buddy.

00:38:04.000 That's not real Coke, ladies and gentlemen. 0.70

00:38:05.000 It's powdered sugar.

00:38:07.000 We didn't have sugar for coffee.

00:38:08.000 I had powdered sugar, which doesn't really work.

00:38:11.000 It never goes down.

00:38:14.000 Yeah, it's funky. 0.98

00:38:16.000 I had a fucked-up dream about you, dude. 0.97

00:38:18.000 Sweet. 0.98

00:38:18.000 What is it? 0.98

00:38:18.000 You were doing marijuana mixed with meth. 0.98

00:38:22.000 And you were telling me that it's the latest thing these kids do.

00:38:25.000 They smoke marijuana and meth together.

00:38:27.000 I was like, what are you talking about?

00:38:29.000 And you were like, well, I would never smoke meth by itself.

00:38:31.000 Mead, yeah.

00:38:31.000 You were like, I would never smoke meth by itself.

00:38:33.000 But when I mix them together, dude, it's amazing.

00:38:36.000 And I was like trying to get you to stop smoking meth.

00:38:38.000 Wow.

00:38:38.000 You were hooked on meth.

00:38:40.000 Would you say mead?

00:38:41.000 Mead, yeah.

00:38:41.000 Is that what it would be called?

00:38:42.000 Yeah.

00:38:43.000 Did you just make that up?

00:38:44.000 No.

00:38:45.000 Yeah, I did.

00:38:46.000 Yeah, but I mean that might actually be what it is.

00:38:49.000 Could you imagine if I started something?

00:38:50.000 I don't think meth would completely overpower it.

00:38:55.000 I would imagine. 0.93

00:38:56.000 Wouldn't it be funny, though, if somehow or another marijuana became a white knight in your brain fighting off the meth consciousness and you see a fucking virtual battle of the positive and negative substances duking it out in your head? 0.92

00:39:07.000 Because if you take meth with mushrooms, how does that work? 0.91

00:39:10.000 I don't know.

00:39:11.000 You know what's funny is I had an ex that did, she was a meth addict before we dated, and she's like, all that stuff about, all that stuff, she's like, my teeth weren't, my teeth were great.

00:39:21.000 She goes, my skin never looked better.

00:39:23.000 Wow.

00:39:24.000 Like it wasn't bad.

00:39:24.000 Well, she hadn't gotten that deep yet.

00:39:26.000 It takes a while before your body turns into a fucking prune. 1.00

00:39:29.000 It takes a while. 1.00

00:39:30.000 Some people don't. 0.99

00:39:31.000 Some people just fucking turn and it's like, that'll do it. 1.00

00:39:34.000 Was she a functional meth head? 1.00

00:39:37.000 Vague.

00:39:38.000 I didn't know her.

00:39:39.000 I think vague.

00:39:40.000 Not especially.

00:39:42.000 Here's an irony.

00:39:43.000 She lived...

00:39:45.000 You know how you always hear about Indians living off of casinos? 0.97

00:39:48.000 She lived off of a casino. 1.00

00:39:50.000 Wow.

00:39:50.000 She was Native American, Seminole.

00:39:52.000 She lives off the hard rock in... 0.57

00:39:56.000 In the one that Anna Nicole died in. 1.00

00:39:58.000 Holy shit. 0.99

00:39:58.000 The one in Fort Lauderdale. 0.99

00:40:00.000 Did you ever play, like, cowboy and Indian with her?

00:40:02.000 We would get in some pretty...

00:40:04.000 Pretend that she...

00:40:05.000 I conquered her land.

00:40:07.000 I actually...

00:40:07.000 I moved into her place.

00:40:10.000 Did you?

00:40:10.000 Gave her a blanket with smallpox on it.

00:40:14.000 Nice.

00:40:15.000 No, we never...

00:40:17.000 It was actually a good relationship.

00:40:18.000 We were in love, Joe.

00:40:19.000 What happened?

00:40:20.000 She started going to...

00:40:23.000 Black clubs? 0.93

00:40:25.000 Going to...

00:40:26.000 She started going to...

00:40:29.000 She started getting her master's in psychiatry.

00:40:32.000 She started getting her master's in psychology, and at the beginning of the class, the teacher was like, yo, just so you know, none of your relationships are going to last.

00:40:40.000 Wow.

00:40:41.000 And she said that, and she was like, somebody else broke up today.

00:40:43.000 Somebody else broke up today.

00:40:44.000 And then slowly but surely, it was like six months in, we were kind of done.

00:40:50.000 Why?

00:40:50.000 Because she was just uncovering stuff about herself, and like, I didn't, you know, she liked women, she hates men, like, just stuff that was like, oh.

00:40:59.000 She likes women and she hates men. 1.00

00:41:00.000 She wanted to date women. 1.00

00:41:02.000 Oh, shit. 1.00

00:41:03.000 By herself. 1.00

00:41:05.000 Because I asked if we could do it together.

00:41:08.000 Bam! 1.00

00:41:09.000 Yeah, she wanted to date women, and she's like, I fucking hate men. 1.00

00:41:13.000 Aww. 1.00

00:41:14.000 No, it's dumb. 0.99

00:41:15.000 All of us? 0.99

00:41:16.000 All of us?

00:41:18.000 For now.

00:41:20.000 That's a mess. 1.00

00:41:21.000 Anybody who says they hate women's a cunt. 1.00

00:41:23.000 If you're a guy and you're like, oh, I hate women. 1.00

00:41:25.000 I hate women. 1.00

00:41:25.000 Well, get the fuck away from me, you crazy bitch. 1.00

00:41:28.000 You hate everyone of a certain gender? 1.00

00:41:30.000 Well, guess what? 0.69

00:41:31.000 Same thing if you hate men. 1.00

00:41:32.000 Go fuck yourself, you dumb bitch. 1.00

00:41:34.000 You think I asked to be born a man? 1.00

00:41:36.000 Just relax.

00:41:37.000 You would have. 1.00

00:41:38.000 Not everyone's an ass. 0.99

00:41:39.000 You would have been asked. 0.99

00:41:40.000 For sure.

00:41:40.000 Being a man's way better.

00:41:41.000 Especially being a manly man.

00:41:43.000 Yeah, I mean, to be a real Joe Rogan type man. 1.00

00:41:45.000 But you can't get mad at someone for their gender, you silly asshole. 1.00

00:41:49.000 That's interesting. 1.00

00:41:49.000 And it's accepted. 1.00

00:41:50.000 Women are allowed to say the case. 0.98

00:41:54.000 Oh, dude, I've had conversations with women before that have said, you know, men this and men that. 0.98

00:41:59.000 And I'm like, God damn, can you give me a chance? 0.98

00:42:01.000 I'm a person. 0.99

00:42:02.000 Everyone's just a person.

00:42:04.000 You're throwing me into half the planet. 0.99

00:42:07.000 It's just so ridiculous. 0.98

00:42:09.000 And to say that you've got to figure it out. 0.98

00:42:11.000 She didn't mean she hates all men everywhere.

00:42:13.000 I have deep-seated mistrust of men in an intimate relationship.

00:42:21.000 Meaning I haven't had any positive...

00:42:24.000 She hadn't had any positive male deep relationships. 0.97

00:42:28.000 Well, you know, how fucking old was she? 1.00

00:42:31.000 How many people had she been around? 0.99

00:42:32.000 47 years young.

00:42:34.000 No, she was, I don't know.

00:42:35.000 Even if she was 47 years old?

00:42:37.000 No, she's 26. She could have been stuck in some stupid spots. 1.00

00:42:40.000 She was in a lot of bad spots. 1.00

00:42:41.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:42:41.000 Therapy's pretty fucked up anyway. 0.99

00:42:43.000 This girl I did it in college, same thing. 1.00

00:42:45.000 She was a fucking mess, like alcoholic, just crazy, always getting in fights with her family and all these other people. 1.00

00:42:50.000 And then she went to the therapist and every time she would come back, she goes like, therapist tells me we need to break up, that you're just a really bad person. 1.00

00:42:57.000 And I'm like, what? 1.00

00:42:58.000 He's probably full of shit. 1.00

00:42:59.000 He probably tells a really distorted person. 1.00

00:43:01.000 That's not using therapy the right way. 1.00

00:43:03.000 Stupid asshole. 1.00

00:43:04.000 Or you're a bad person. 1.00

00:43:05.000 You could live a thousand lives as a man and still not understand what it would be to live a life of a woman. 0.98

00:43:13.000 You don't understand it.

00:43:14.000 You're not a woman. 1.00

00:43:15.000 And as soon as a guy understands that and accepts that, he'll be way happier. 1.00

00:43:19.000 When you try to make a woman think like a man, that shit is impossible. 1.00

00:43:24.000 The same as a man trying to think like a woman. 1.00

00:43:27.000 And I think both are guilty.

00:43:29.000 I actually think women are slightly more guilty of trying to get men to think like women.

00:43:33.000 Yes. 1.00

00:43:34.000 Well, if they have pussy and there's more power in that. 1.00

00:43:36.000 Yeah, they can just go like, you need to change the way... 1.00

00:43:39.000 If a guy does that, he's like a dick. 1.00

00:43:41.000 Yeah. 0.98

00:43:41.000 And whenever a guy is in a good relationship that I admire... 0.98

00:43:46.000 The girls' friends hate him.

00:43:49.000 Right. 1.00

00:43:50.000 Because he's such a fucking asshole. 1.00

00:43:52.000 He's happy. 1.00

00:43:52.000 And he gets to do what he wants. 1.00

00:43:53.000 And it's like, yeah, that's...

00:43:55.000 I used to say to girls, you're making me feel like a guest in my own life. 0.76

00:44:03.000 And that would get them.

00:44:05.000 Where they were like, I understand what you mean now.

00:44:07.000 Because it was like, yo, I wasn't looking for a coach.

00:44:11.000 I wasn't looking for someone. 0.98

00:44:12.000 I need someone to come in and fucking change my taste. 0.99

00:44:15.000 And change my interest. 0.99

00:44:17.000 And change my wardrobe and my diet.

00:44:20.000 But they do, I think, some women think that that's a way to go. 1.00

00:44:26.000 Well, I think there's also a struggle for power.

00:44:29.000 That goes on with people and relationships.

00:44:31.000 Everyone thinks they should be the one that decides where we go and what to do. 0.99

00:44:35.000 And some people take that shit more serious than others. 0.99

00:44:37.000 And some people are just not very intelligent or emotionally developed. 1.00

00:44:40.000 And so they run on crude tracks. 0.98

00:44:43.000 And they just fucking bang into each other every time they have a relationship. 1.00

00:44:47.000 Cars just slam into each other and they argue about shit. 1.00

00:44:50.000 And then they make up. 1.00

00:44:51.000 And that's how those stupid fucks live their life. 1.00

00:44:53.000 I think there's a lot of that. 1.00

00:44:55.000 What percentage of people do you think are stupid? 1.00

00:44:57.000 It's a giant number. 1.00

00:44:59.000 Because I'm in it.

00:45:00.000 I'm in it.

00:45:01.000 I mean, I always...

00:45:02.000 Look, I had a whole bit that I used to do about how people like to think they're smart. 0.98

00:45:06.000 But really, we're just buying shit from smart people and memorizing shit that smart people have never figured out. 0.94

00:45:11.000 This is a gigantic body of knowledge. 1.00

00:45:14.000 And anybody who thinks they're smart is dumb as fuck. 1.00

00:45:16.000 Well, that's what I was... 1.00

00:45:16.000 I had this argument the other day about, don't you want to live forever? 1.00

00:45:19.000 Yeah.

00:45:19.000 To learn everything?

00:45:21.000 I do.

00:45:21.000 Who knows?

00:45:22.000 You say that, but what if after this is way better?

00:45:25.000 There is no after this.

00:45:26.000 You don't know that.

00:45:27.000 I don't. 0.93

00:45:28.000 You're talking nonsense.

00:45:29.000 I get a feeling. 0.99

00:45:30.000 You're talking complete nonsense. 0.51

00:45:31.000 I get a sense. 0.91

00:45:33.000 Would you sense based on what?

00:45:36.000 There was nothing.

00:45:37.000 It's going back to where I was, which is before 73. I don't think any of it ends.

00:45:41.000 I think it changes.

00:45:43.000 I think it all becomes something completely different and energy never dies off.

00:45:47.000 It just moves on to another state.

00:45:48.000 And I think that the whole cycle of the universe, we want to think of it as like there was a birth to the universe and there's going to be an end to the universe.

00:45:56.000 That's why they think of the Big Bang.

00:45:58.000 Oh, there was at one point in time, it was smaller than the head of a pin, and there was a giant burst.

00:46:02.000 I think it's never-ending.

00:46:04.000 And I think that our ideas of it are all based on our own biological limitations.

00:46:09.000 And I think the biological life...

00:46:11.000 It's a trip.

00:46:12.000 It's an experience.

00:46:14.000 I think the biological life doesn't necessarily represent what is possible in reality.

00:46:18.000 And I think it's one stage of existence.

00:46:21.000 And I think we've probably had other stages of existence.

00:46:23.000 I think our real true consciousness, it gets wrapped around language and it gets wrapped around culture and it gets wrapped around personal experiences and how they interpret them and how they Remember shit that other people have figured out and written down.

00:46:36.000 But at the end and the root of that, that could take place in a hundred thousand million different forms. 0.93

00:46:42.000 It doesn't have to exist as a human animal making noise with your mouth.

00:46:45.000 That consciousness could exist in other dimensions. 0.99

00:46:47.000 That consciousness, whatever the fuck it is that's at the underlying... 0.97

00:46:52.000 The underlying energy that makes the body move in certain directions and choose to manipulate objects, whatever the fuck that is, at the root of all that, could exist as a dolphin, could exist as a killer whale, could exist as some really smart octopus. 0.99

00:47:08.000 Who the fuck knows? 0.91

00:47:09.000 I think, for sure, what we are right now is an evolving species. 0.99

00:47:15.000 It's changing.

00:47:17.000 It's becoming something different.

00:47:20.000 Look, man, I hope you're right.

00:47:22.000 Like, I hope, because I am going to die.

00:47:25.000 Yes.

00:47:25.000 I just hope there's an afterthought.

00:47:28.000 I think we're becoming something different, and along the way, I think, whatever the fuck it is that the human race is going to eventually evolve into, I think... 0.96

00:47:37.000 I think we're on some sort of a crazy cycle. 0.95

00:47:40.000 That's what I think.

00:47:41.000 I think we're on some sort of an infinite loop cycle.

00:47:43.000 And I think our limited interpretation of people dropping off the face of the earth and disappearing and leaving our lives leads us to believe that this is it.

00:47:53.000 This is this one thing and this is it.

00:47:56.000 You breathe and one day your heart will stop beating and then it ends.

00:48:00.000 Maybe.

00:48:01.000 Maybe not. 1.00

00:48:02.000 Maybe you're a fucking caterpillar that's going to become a butterfly. 1.00

00:48:06.000 Maybe you're some weird fucking animal that travels dimension to dimension in completely different forms. 1.00

00:48:13.000 We've seen that happen in physical state in life. 1.00

00:48:17.000 We've seen... 0.98

00:48:19.000 Caterpillars and salamanders and all these fucking different things become a completely different thing. 0.97

00:48:24.000 We've seen them physically metamorph and change. 0.94

00:48:28.000 Why would we assume that consciousness couldn't do exactly the same thing?

00:48:33.000 Why wouldn't we assume that reality can't do exactly the same thing?

00:48:36.000 I think it's super possible that we're some crazy technological caterpillar. 0.99

00:48:41.000 And that we're gonna one day press some fucking button. 0.99

00:48:45.000 I hope you're right. 0.96

00:48:46.000 And all of our experiences of life and death and love and infatuation and fascination and appreciation and all those different things are really just, it's just more motivation for you to keep moving forward and forward and forward to push this technological machine that society runs on.

00:49:04.000 The real underpinnings, what's really impacting the universe. 0.89

00:49:09.000 It's not People Magazine and Kim Kardashian's ass, but that is there to distract you long enough to keep buying the new droids. 0.99

00:49:18.000 The more technology we create and the more minerals we mine and the more we push the boundaries of what we can do and control in the universe, the more we get closer to whatever the fuck we're becoming. 0.99

00:49:29.000 Completely locked into an addiction with our cell phones and our computers. 0.94

00:49:32.000 If I'm online, if I'm in a hotel and the Internet goes out for an hour? 0.99

00:49:38.000 I fucking panic. 0.98

00:49:39.000 It's hell. 1.00

00:49:40.000 I started doing a joke the other day about how my phone has completely turned me into a dick. 1.00

00:49:48.000 I'm a fucking asshole. 1.00

00:49:50.000 I mean, as far as being rude in conversations? 1.00

00:49:52.000 Just fucking like, fuck you, companion. 1.00

00:49:54.000 I got everyone else in front of me, and I'd rather spend time with them. 1.00

00:49:58.000 I have enough...

00:50:00.000 Girls' pictures on my phone.

00:50:02.000 I was telling Red Band that I could publish two months of a magazine.

00:50:05.000 Girls, like, send you pictures? 0.90

00:50:06.000 Yeah.

00:50:07.000 Wow.

00:50:07.000 Because they know you're single?

00:50:09.000 Yeah.

00:50:09.000 I mean, it's not just, like, out of nowhere.

00:50:12.000 It's, like, girls I'm chatting to.

00:50:13.000 And it's over years.

00:50:13.000 But I'm saying, like...

00:50:16.000 Like, I told somebody, if my phone turned up in the 1800s in a town, the town elders would burn the town down.

00:50:24.000 Because they'd be so freaked out by just the amount of filth on my phone.

00:50:28.000 And that's the thing.

00:50:29.000 It's like, you do get hooked.

00:50:30.000 I wanted to bring up...

00:50:32.000 I went to the floatation.

00:50:36.000 I went to float labs.

00:50:37.000 Did you enjoy it?

00:50:38.000 Yeah.

00:50:38.000 Meet Crash?

00:50:39.000 I did.

00:50:39.000 Yeah, I met Crash.

00:50:40.000 Crash is an interesting individual, isn't he?

00:50:41.000 Yeah.

00:50:42.000 I went nine days ago.

00:50:44.000 Yeah?

00:50:45.000 Yeah, and it was pretty great.

00:50:47.000 That's what made me...

00:50:50.000 My epiphany, and I'm sure you don't get epiphanies every time, but my epiphany laying there was like, I need to experience some love, and I've got to get a dog to do that.

00:51:02.000 Why do you say a dog?

00:51:04.000 Because I find...

00:51:06.000 Work your way up to a person?

00:51:07.000 Yes.

00:51:07.000 Literally, that's the plan.

00:51:09.000 Wow.

00:51:09.000 Is like work my way up.

00:51:11.000 How fucked up are you? 1.00

00:51:13.000 Out of 1 to 10. 10 being... 1.00

00:51:17.000 10 being like you're unfixable.

00:51:19.000 Oh, I don't think I'm unfixable.

00:51:21.000 I think I'm like a 6 1⁄2, 7. 6 1⁄2.

00:51:23.000 Yeah.

00:51:23.000 That's still strong.

00:51:25.000 Oh, yeah.

00:51:25.000 7 is strong.

00:51:26.000 Wow.

00:51:27.000 I'm going to start my love experiences with dogs...

00:51:31.000 No, it sounds crazy, but I'm only 37, so, you know.

00:51:35.000 You can still pull it together.

00:51:36.000 Yeah, it's not too late.

00:51:37.000 You can still be a come-from-behind champ.

00:51:38.000 Yeah, exactly.

00:51:39.000 It's possible.

00:51:40.000 I've been lapped by life, and I'm going to lap it.

00:51:42.000 Randy Couture didn't have his first fight until he was 34, so think about that.

00:51:46.000 Do you want to borrow a Pekingese?

00:51:48.000 No, but I feel like it could help.

00:51:51.000 You can totally borrow mine.

00:51:53.000 Brian's got the most loving dog in the world.

00:51:54.000 You could try it.

00:51:55.000 You could borrow it for a little while.

00:51:56.000 How big is it?

00:51:57.000 Tiny.

00:51:58.000 This big?

00:51:58.000 I don't like those little dogs.

00:51:59.000 All the shivering.

00:52:01.000 Oh, it doesn't do that.

00:52:02.000 It doesn't do that.

00:52:02.000 It's not a freaked out dog.

00:52:04.000 It's not a freaked out dog.

00:52:04.000 It's super loving.

00:52:06.000 It's not scared to you at all.

00:52:08.000 It's not scared to you at all.

00:52:09.000 It's super affectionate.

00:52:11.000 It's not like a dog. 0.99

00:52:12.000 It's like, holy shit, a person's here. 0.97

00:52:14.000 You want to make a documentary about it? 0.99

00:52:16.000 Nobody's mean to this dog.

00:52:17.000 My love experience?

00:52:18.000 With the dog?

00:52:19.000 Go look at her Twitter.

00:52:20.000 It's Twixie Vixen.

00:52:21.000 Yeah, it's a sweet dog.

00:52:24.000 Really one of the nicest dogs on the face of the earth.

00:52:27.000 But you were never in love.

00:52:28.000 You weren't in love until you met your wife, right?

00:52:31.000 I don't really like to talk about that on the air, sir.

00:52:33.000 Alright, fair enough.

00:52:34.000 There's been a few loves lost along the way.

00:52:36.000 Got it.

00:52:37.000 I don't want to bring up any personal experiences that involve other people that I'm still friends with.

00:52:41.000 Yeah.

00:52:41.000 But, look, yeah, I've been in love.

00:52:43.000 The real reality of life, though, is you have to get your own shit together before you're capable of having any sort of a relationship. 0.58

00:52:51.000 Because relationships will eventually... 0.97

00:52:53.000 Expose who you really are.

00:52:55.000 That I agree with.

00:52:56.000 You want to talk about vetting. 1.00

00:52:58.000 You don't deserve someone who's got their shit together if you don't have your shit together. 1.00

00:53:03.000 And that's why it always falls apart. 1.00

00:53:04.000 That's why you wind up treating them like shit. 1.00

00:53:06.000 You don't deserve them. 1.00

00:53:07.000 You have to come to a state as a human being where all your experiences that you give to this other person are all as nice as possible.

00:53:18.000 You're always as complimentary as possible, as friendly as possible, as affectionate as possible. 1.00

00:53:25.000 And as soon as you get out of that state, the only way you can get there is you've got to really be happy with who the fuck you are. 0.99

00:53:33.000 Because if you're not happy with who you are and what you're doing and how you feel about yourself... 0.99

00:53:37.000 And then you start attaching your happiness to this one person.

00:53:41.000 Like, the only time I feel good is when I'm around you.

00:53:43.000 Which is crazy. 1.00

00:53:44.000 Like, bitch, get your own shit together first. 1.00

00:53:46.000 You can't just be entirely dependent upon one person for your own happiness. 1.00

00:53:51.000 And the only way you can truly be happy in a relationship, I feel like, is if two people can be independent of each other, still enjoy each other's company.

00:54:00.000 It's the, my eye to therapist wants to explain, it's like concentric circles.

00:54:03.000 Like, in the middle is the relationship, where you overlap.

00:54:06.000 Yeah, but you've got to also be nice to each other.

00:54:09.000 That's the thing I learned.

00:54:11.000 Yeah, that's the thing I learned.

00:54:13.000 Because I'm from, like, I'm the youngest of 10. Oh, Jesus.

00:54:17.000 Nobody paid attention to you at all.

00:54:19.000 I mean, yeah, yes and no.

00:54:23.000 Like, older brothers and sisters did, but 10 kids is too many.

00:54:27.000 My mother admitted it.

00:54:28.000 Wow.

00:54:29.000 And she also admitted that our father didn't love us at all.

00:54:32.000 Oh, wow.

00:54:33.000 Okay, but sounds awful.

00:54:35.000 Sounds awful.

00:54:36.000 Is awful.

00:54:37.000 But, when I heard that, I was like, thank you. 0.99

00:54:40.000 I fucking knew it. 0.93

00:54:42.000 You know what I mean? 0.99

00:54:42.000 You knew he didn't love you. 0.99

00:54:43.000 Yeah.

00:54:44.000 Wow.

00:54:44.000 Knew it.

00:54:45.000 What a dick. 1.00

00:54:46.000 So, what does he do? 1.00

00:54:48.000 Fucks bitches, I guess. 1.00

00:54:50.000 He started another family. 1.00

00:54:51.000 No, he's actually, he's like, he's 80s old.

00:54:56.000 So he's just hanging out.

00:54:58.000 Do you ever talk to him?

00:54:59.000 We talk sparingly.

00:55:02.000 Wow.

00:55:04.000 Talk to him.

00:55:04.000 Here's a good example.

00:55:05.000 At my brother-in-law's funeral, which was in July, my dad sort of infirmed, and my nephew was trying to help him down the stairs.

00:55:18.000 My dad goes, don't touch me.

00:55:20.000 And then he walks some more down the steps, and he goes, if I fall, it's going to be your fault. 0.99

00:55:24.000 Just like a crazy guy. 0.99

00:55:25.000 Oh, wow. 1.00

00:55:25.000 Like a crazy, angry Irish dude. 1.00

00:55:28.000 Oh, what a mess. 0.99

00:55:30.000 So, what I found is that you kind of need... 0.99

00:55:36.000 I just feel like I need to rebuild all that shit. 0.99

00:55:39.000 And what I found was... 0.99

00:55:40.000 Alright, so this is what I was getting at.

00:55:42.000 I was seeing a girl who had to go to the hospital for some, like, infection thing. 0.99

00:55:49.000 Pussy infection? 1.00

00:55:50.000 Come on, man. 1.00

00:55:52.000 You talk about love, and then I'll talk about pussy infection. 1.00

00:55:54.000 Well, you said, you know, you said infection thing. 0.99

00:55:56.000 I mean, can we...

00:55:57.000 I didn't... 0.99

00:55:58.000 I haven't denied that it was a pussy thing. 1.00

00:55:59.000 Okay. 0.99

00:56:00.000 And...

00:56:03.000 So, she's in the hospital...

00:56:06.000 And I was like, but at this point we kind of weren't seeing each other anymore.

00:56:09.000 And she was like, I'm at the hospital by myself.

00:56:11.000 And I was like, you know what?

00:56:12.000 Let me just go.

00:56:13.000 It was like 2.30 in the morning on like a Sunday.

00:56:16.000 I was like, let me just go.

00:56:17.000 I made a concerted effort to show this person love.

00:56:21.000 And what I found was I felt really good about it. 0.86

00:56:26.000 Meaning it made me fucking feel good to love somebody, but it's so not my natural disposition. 0.85

00:56:34.000 Well, you probably grew up with a bunch of defense mechanisms. 0.95

00:56:37.000 Yeah, I am a walking defense mechanism.

00:56:40.000 That's what Chappelle once described me as just walking through life, just keeping everyone at a distance, which I think is a fair description.

00:56:46.000 Yeah, I think, man, I think we'll all, every human that I know has been in that state at least at one point in their life, you know?

00:56:54.000 Yeah.

00:56:55.000 You're gonna get burned, you know? 0.99

00:56:56.000 If you get burned, you're gonna, you're gonna, not only that, you gotta, there's no fucking handbook on how to drive relationships. 1.00

00:57:04.000 So you essentially just get out there and you fucking put the pedal to the metal and you crash right into the fucking trees. 0.99

00:57:10.000 Right. 1.00

00:57:10.000 You don't know how to drive. 1.00

00:57:11.000 You don't know what you're doing.

00:57:12.000 When you see people and they're dating and they get together and then three days later they're with each other 24 hours a day.

00:57:18.000 Yeah, this is not good. 0.99

00:57:19.000 They go to the store to buy clothes and they just fuck all day. 0.99

00:57:22.000 Like, what are you guys really running from? 1.00

00:57:24.000 What's going on here?

00:57:25.000 This is what they did. 1.00

00:57:26.000 They hit the fucking pedal to the metal. 1.00

00:57:28.000 Right. 1.00

00:57:28.000 Let's get away from where we were. 1.00

00:57:31.000 Yeah.

00:57:31.000 That's not the fastest way around the racetrack, you know?

00:57:34.000 The fastest way around the racetrack is you take every turn with precision, you watch what the fuck you're doing, and you don't go too fast. 0.89

00:57:42.000 But again, people don't know what that is. 0.76

00:57:44.000 Because I actually have the opposite thing where I take everything with precision to a fault where I'm very like, no, I have boundaries.

00:57:53.000 And you will not sleep over?

00:57:55.000 And I will not...

00:57:56.000 I mean, like, that's an exaggeration, but I had...

00:57:58.000 That sounds like a lot of fun.

00:57:59.000 I wonder why you're having a problem with chicks. 1.00

00:58:00.000 It was pretty great.

00:58:01.000 Sounds like a great guy.

00:58:03.000 If that Indian's listening. 1.00

00:58:05.000 No, that was the thing.

00:58:06.000 What if she is, man?

00:58:07.000 What if this show makes a love connection?

00:58:09.000 She'd think it's fun.

00:58:12.000 But that's the thing.

00:58:13.000 I didn't understand boundaries, so I would do the pedal to the metal thing.

00:58:17.000 And then I'd be like, I gotta do the opposite of that.

00:58:20.000 So I'd be very cautious.

00:58:22.000 And I'm not saying there's anything wrong with the pedal to the metal thing.

00:58:24.000 Sometimes it turns out great.

00:58:26.000 Who knows?

00:58:27.000 Sometimes it turns out great.

00:58:28.000 But...

00:58:29.000 Do you honestly know when it's turned out great? 0.96

00:58:31.000 Do you know anyone where they just fucked for months and it was just fucking just a physical thing? 0.93

00:58:37.000 Yeah, I know a few. 0.98

00:58:38.000 Look, man, sometimes it works.

00:58:39.000 I know people that are super happy together.

00:58:41.000 I know a few.

00:58:43.000 You gotta get lucky, man.

00:58:44.000 Well, that's the other thing. 0.99

00:58:46.000 You gotta fucking get so lucky. 0.99

00:58:48.000 You gotta get so lucky. 0.99

00:58:48.000 But you also gotta be worthy of that luck. 0.99

00:58:51.000 You know, you gotta have your own shit together to the point where you're fun to be around. 0.51

00:58:55.000 That you're a nice person. 0.94

00:58:57.000 You actually, you contribute to the relationship. 0.99

00:58:59.000 It's not like you're sucking off of someone. 0.99

00:59:01.000 Have you ever had a girl that you dated that wouldn't stop fucking complaining about everything no matter what? 1.00

00:59:08.000 I dated a girl that was madness. 1.00

00:59:10.000 It's like, God, this traffic.

00:59:12.000 Are you driving slow on purpose?

00:59:14.000 What is going on?

00:59:15.000 This car smells.

00:59:16.000 I smell something.

00:59:18.000 Who is this song?

00:59:19.000 Who wrote these lyrics?

00:59:21.000 God, there's nothing on this radio. 1.00

00:59:22.000 I think that's a sign of stupidity. 1.00

00:59:24.000 I would say that dumb people are constantly talking about physical sensations. 1.00

00:59:28.000 It's a little bit of that. 0.99

00:59:30.000 My neck hurts. 1.00

00:59:30.000 Oh, fuck, is your hand cold? 1.00

00:59:33.000 Oh, there fucking smells in here. 1.00

00:59:35.000 But it's also a pattern. 1.00

00:59:37.000 You get stuck in a negative pattern.

00:59:39.000 One of the most, in my past, Historic girls of negativity. 0.97

00:59:44.000 She was a smart girl.

00:59:46.000 She was? 0.64

00:59:46.000 Yeah, her whole family was negative. 0.64

00:59:48.000 They're just cunts. 1.00

00:59:49.000 Just fucking snapping at each other. 1.00

00:59:50.000 Everybody just like, look at you over there with your thing. 0.99

00:59:53.000 Oh, yeah.

00:59:54.000 Yeah, I can't be around that.

00:59:56.000 No, you can't do that to me.

00:59:57.000 Because the other thing I always try to explain to people, it's like, do you think I can't go negative?

01:00:01.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:00:02.000 I'm a fucking comic. 1.00

01:00:03.000 I can just fucking tell me to turn it on and I'll do it. 0.99

01:00:06.000 I just don't want to be like that. 0.99

01:00:08.000 You just threatened her with your intellect.

01:00:10.000 See how he does that?

01:00:11.000 How he rocks it?

01:00:12.000 I threaten way more guys.

01:00:14.000 I threaten way more guys with it.

01:00:16.000 You threaten guys with it?

01:00:17.000 Yeah, whenever guys are like...

01:00:19.000 Why would you threaten? 0.98

01:00:21.000 Because when guys are ball busters, I go, look man, you can keep busting my balls, and I know you think it's like jovial and jocular and all that shit, but I'm telling you, once I go negative, it's not going to be cute, and it's going to be fucking withering, and I'll be relentless about it. 0.99

01:00:42.000 So just stop now. 0.97

01:00:44.000 Because I think guys think that's a way to communicate, and it's like, I don't communicate that way.

01:00:47.000 Like, what kind of guys are, what are they doing to you?

01:00:50.000 Oh, Joe.

01:00:51.000 No, what are they doing to me?

01:00:53.000 They're just going like, nice... 1.00

01:00:54.000 Even that stand-up thing of like, nice fucking shirt, fag, dude. 1.00

01:00:57.000 And it's like, what is he, fucking sweatshirt? 1.00

01:01:00.000 Oh, when you walk on stage? 1.00

01:01:02.000 No, no, no.

01:01:02.000 If you go to the comedy club and you're not even wearing anything egregious, you're not wearing cut pants in front of a jet.

01:01:10.000 Right.

01:01:10.000 You're not committing the gravest sin on earth, which is wearing cut pants in front of a jet.

01:01:15.000 That is egregious. 1.00

01:01:17.000 No, just like a dumb... 1.00

01:01:18.000 And I'll just go like, look, man. 1.00

01:01:20.000 Stop.

01:01:21.000 Oh, you warn them.

01:01:22.000 Yeah.

01:01:23.000 Yeah.

01:01:24.000 I'm a big warner. 0.98

01:01:26.000 Because whenever people slam me, it's like, do you think I can't fucking slam? 0.99

01:01:30.000 I can slam the president in a fucking clever way. 0.99

01:01:34.000 You think I can't slam you? 1.00

01:01:36.000 You piece of shit? 1.00

01:01:38.000 Well, there's a lot of people that just like to play. 1.00

01:01:41.000 Yeah, but I just think it's founded in negativity.

01:01:44.000 I don't think anyone means anything.

01:01:46.000 It's like I've said, how much money?

01:01:47.000 When people go, Joe, you set for life?

01:01:50.000 They're not rooting for you to be set for life.

01:01:53.000 That's...

01:01:53.000 With that semi-aggressive...

01:01:55.000 Yeah!

01:01:56.000 That's exactly what I mean.

01:01:57.000 It's like no one wants that for you. 1.00

01:01:59.000 They want to go, fuck you. 1.00

01:02:00.000 You fucking blew your money, bro. 1.00

01:02:03.000 If I were you, I'd totally... 1.00

01:02:04.000 And if you are set for life, then they're like, this...

01:02:08.000 You have nice eyelashes.

01:02:10.000 Thanks a lot, man.

01:02:11.000 Thank you very much.

01:02:12.000 Is that what you like?

01:02:13.000 I do have a long eyelash.

01:02:14.000 I just noticed that he has really prominent eyelashes.

01:02:17.000 Thanks a lot, man.

01:02:18.000 I like him.

01:02:19.000 He gets me.

01:02:20.000 I'm going to go positive on you, if you're not careful. 0.99

01:02:22.000 Yeah, if you're not careful, dude, he'll just fucking... 0.99

01:02:25.000 I'm going to compliment the fuck out of you. 0.99

01:02:26.000 You look like a skinny George Zimmerman. 0.99

01:02:28.000 How about that?

01:02:29.000 I'm not skinny.

01:02:32.000 I'm not skinny.

01:02:33.000 So what do you think about this thing?

01:02:35.000 Now that they grabbed the Zimmerman dude, do you think it's going to calm everybody down? 0.98

01:02:38.000 Yeah, I think they had to, right?

01:02:42.000 Yeah, I mean, I don't think that they...

01:02:44.000 Too much controversy.

01:02:46.000 Yeah, but I don't think they're going to bring a trial because people want one.

01:02:50.000 I think the woman, the prosecutor, was like, looked at the...

01:02:53.000 I think the local PD was awful. 0.99

01:02:55.000 I think they were shitty. 0.99

01:02:57.000 Even the way they walked them in... 0.99

01:02:59.000 Where they walked him in like he was a cop.

01:03:01.000 Like, hey, you want to go ahead?

01:03:03.000 One of them walks around him so that he's behind all of the cops.

01:03:06.000 It's like, is that how you treat suspects? 0.99

01:03:09.000 Is you fucking just walk them in? 0.99

01:03:10.000 They're not pushing them. 0.99

01:03:11.000 They're not steering them. 0.99

01:03:13.000 What if he fucking... 1.00

01:03:13.000 Jason Statham'd all those motherfuckers. 1.00

01:03:16.000 Choked one guy, grabbed the gun. 1.00

01:03:19.000 Kills all of them. 1.00

01:03:20.000 It's all on tape. 1.00

01:03:20.000 That'd be fucking wild. 1.00

01:03:21.000 You don't know that he's not the Transporter. 0.96

01:03:22.000 Remember Transporter?

01:03:26.000 I always thought you should have movies like that.

01:03:29.000 I don't want to do those.

01:03:30.000 You said that last time.

01:03:31.000 Yeah, I've always thought that.

01:03:32.000 I even killed a meeting once.

01:03:35.000 I had a meeting with these people about a martial arts type thing. 0.98

01:03:38.000 I said, I don't want to do anything that looks ridiculous. 1.00

01:03:40.000 I go, I would never fight a retard wagon train where there's ten dudes so many and I kick all their asses. 1.00

01:03:46.000 Because everybody waits. 1.00

01:03:48.000 That's not how fights are.

01:03:49.000 Plus it conflicted with Zookeeper, the scheduling conflict.

01:03:54.000 Zookeeper!

01:03:55.000 It was fun.

01:03:57.000 I'll do a kid's movie in a heartbeat before I do a martial arts movie, man.

01:04:00.000 I would not want to do a movie where I run.

01:04:03.000 You made the observation that when you're in those movies, they don't work because everyone waits to fight. 0.98

01:04:08.000 There'll be eight dudes, and they'll wait one at a time to get their ass beat. 1.00

01:04:11.000 That's ridiculous. 0.99

01:04:12.000 Instead of just all jumping you at once. 0.89

01:04:13.000 Go to WorldStarHipHop, okay?

01:04:15.000 You want to find out how people really fight?

01:04:17.000 Go to worldstarhiphop.com and there you'll see a lot of evidence of how people fight.

01:04:22.000 This is what happens.

01:04:23.000 You get punched in the face, you go unconscious, your head bounces off the concrete, and people proceed to kick you.

01:04:28.000 And then they take your clothes off. 1.00

01:04:29.000 That's a real fight, stupid. 1.00

01:04:32.000 That's what people should see. 1.00

01:04:33.000 This nonsense about one guy wading into a crowd of folks and just fucking annihilating everyone in his path. 0.98

01:04:39.000 People respect the stance. 0.96

01:04:41.000 If you're in a stance, people are like, hey, one at a time.

01:04:43.000 Patrick Swayze eyebrow cut where he just dribbles a little bit by the face.

01:04:47.000 Was it the last Ice House Chronicles that we were talking about this where like the worst is when they get knocked out and then they're still punching and kicking him like on the street.

01:04:55.000 You see like a ragdoll head. 1.00

01:04:57.000 Horrific.

01:04:57.000 Oh, the like actual street.

01:04:59.000 Did you see the one?

01:05:00.000 I saw the Baltimore one, yeah.

01:05:01.000 I watched a little bit of it.

01:05:03.000 It's horrible.

01:05:04.000 Just the noise his head made when it hit the concrete.

01:05:06.000 It's just like, nope.

01:05:07.000 But it was hollow because his mouth was open a little bit.

01:05:10.000 Ugh.

01:05:11.000 It sounded like a pumpkin.

01:05:12.000 He got hit by the world.

01:05:15.000 That's what it's like.

01:05:16.000 It's like hitting the world at 20 miles an hour. 0.99

01:05:19.000 This is ridiculous. 0.91

01:05:20.000 Have you ever broken up something like that? 0.82

01:05:22.000 Yeah, I'd like to think I would, but there's a part of it that's like, I think I would just go like, eh.

01:05:26.000 You've got to be very careful.

01:05:27.000 Stop.

01:05:28.000 You could get jumped and taken right into that. 0.99

01:05:31.000 The first, most important thing is, if there's not a lot of people, the most important thing is to get the fuck out of here and call the police. 0.99

01:05:37.000 That's what the most important thing is. 0.79

01:05:38.000 If you want to jump in, if there's, I mean, how many people are there?

01:05:42.000 10, 15 people?

01:05:43.000 You don't think someone's going to sucker punch you too? 0.79

01:05:44.000 They just sucker punch this dude and put him out.

01:05:46.000 Are you ready to go scrap with 10 people? 1.00

01:05:48.000 How confident are you, stupid? 1.00

01:05:50.000 Even if you get in there and try to say, hey, listen, this is fucking crazy. 1.00

01:05:56.000 Leave him alone. 0.99

01:05:58.000 You've got to gauge the situation.

01:05:59.000 Gauge how they respond to it. 1.00

01:06:01.000 You better be ready to run for your fucking life. 1.00

01:06:03.000 That's some real shit. 1.00

01:06:04.000 The people that are good people have to understand that there's not... 0.99

01:06:09.000 The whole world is not populated by good people. 1.00

01:06:11.000 There's a lot of people out there that are motherfuckers. 1.00

01:06:14.000 And they'll do crazy shit to you. 1.00

01:06:15.000 Well, it's also interesting how quickly it just becomes like, and a mob. 1.00

01:06:20.000 Like just fucking something in the brain just goes mob. 1.00

01:06:23.000 Especially if you're white and they're black. 1.00

01:06:25.000 And in that situation, that was clearly, they cracked that dude. 1.00

01:06:29.000 And then you hear them deciding altogether to just rob him and take his shit. 1.00

01:06:35.000 Right. 1.00

01:06:35.000 And if you try jumping into that, man, you're with that guy. 1.00

01:06:39.000 You're going to be with that guy.

01:06:40.000 Even if you just protest what they're doing. 0.93

01:06:42.000 It's not like you're protesting as a black guy.

01:06:43.000 What if I say, look guys, I co-created Chappelle's show.

01:06:47.000 Let's be reasonable about this.

01:06:48.000 I have some DVDs, not on me, but if you all give me your mailing address. 0.99

01:06:54.000 They just start fucking you. 0.99

01:06:56.000 Yeah, I mean, that's... 1.00

01:06:57.000 Actually fucking you. 1.00

01:06:59.000 Yeah, actually fucking you. 1.00

01:07:01.000 They'd be like, listen, we've got to take this opportunity to fuck this guy. 1.00

01:07:03.000 You know what's funny? 0.99

01:07:04.000 That's the interesting thing about the same part of people that just goes, and mob is the same part of people that go, and comedy club laughing.

01:07:15.000 To me, it's the same mechanism.

01:07:17.000 What?

01:07:18.000 It's just your brain decides we're laughing, and that's funny, and I'm going to attack.

01:07:24.000 I think it's the limbic system, I think, and you just go, and go.

01:07:28.000 Yeah, but laughter is sort of based on perception.

01:07:31.000 I don't know.

01:07:31.000 Again, I understand.

01:07:32.000 That's based on just going straight, wild, crazy.

01:07:36.000 But you know what I mean about when you do a joke...

01:07:40.000 That, and someone in the crowd is, you have like a pocket of dissenters, they make the show worse for everyone around them.

01:07:48.000 Right, right.

01:07:49.000 And they don't do anything.

01:07:50.000 Right. 0.99

01:07:50.000 They're just, they have energy of, I just think it's like some human energy shit. 0.99

01:07:54.000 I think it's like some animalistic human energy shit. 0.99

01:07:57.000 Well, you definitely get that in live audiences, man. 0.98

01:07:59.000 We've all experienced that, where someone is sitting in the front and they're looking at you funny and they cross their arms and You'll even see them shaking their head like this guy's not funny.

01:08:07.000 I've seen that. 1.00

01:08:08.000 People will do that to fuck with you. 1.00

01:08:10.000 It's like the people that would stand in front of you if you were playing pool and they'd stand in front of your shot and make faces and kind of shark you. 1.00

01:08:16.000 That's exactly what they would do at a comedy club.

01:08:18.000 You watch basketball and dudes are in front of the net and they're doing that thing.

01:08:21.000 Guys do that all the time. 0.99

01:08:22.000 There's people that are always going to want to see if they can fuck with you, especially if they don't know who you are. 0.98

01:08:26.000 I think it's also people that haven't been to comedy clubs many times, because I think a lot of people go to comedy clubs and are like, alright, you better make me laugh, because I paid money. 0.98

01:08:33.000 It's kind of like, almost like you're doing a job. 0.98

01:08:36.000 I also think it's just that Billy Wilder, the director, said that audience members are individually, they're idiots, but together they're a genius. 0.99

01:08:44.000 Meaning, the collective unconscious thing. 1.00

01:08:47.000 Like, If I do a joke where I say, I'm vegan, it's easy to be vegan in LA, but the rest of the country might as well walk up to people and go, hey, where do faggots eat? 1.00

01:09:00.000 Simple joke, funny, basically a knock-knock joke. 0.99

01:09:04.000 Now, I'm not being homophobic, I'm not doing anything. 0.99

01:09:08.000 Most of the time, they're laughing before they can go, hey, wait a minute, he said faggot, that's kind of homophobic, how do I feel about that? 0.99

01:09:18.000 And all of comedy is kind of like that. 0.99

01:09:21.000 And I believe it's the same thing with a lynch mob, where it's just like, and we're a mob, before they go, maybe a guy that we just punched out.

01:09:29.000 Maybe we don't take his pants.

01:09:32.000 Like, they're just doing it.

01:09:34.000 I don't think that was the case.

01:09:36.000 I think he was around a bunch of criminals.

01:09:38.000 Oh, you think so? 1.00

01:09:39.000 Fuck yeah. 1.00

01:09:40.000 Yeah, I think there's a shitload of criminals in Baltimore. 1.00

01:09:42.000 Crime in Baltimore is through the fucking roof. 1.00

01:09:44.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, I agree. 1.00

01:09:45.000 That was a drunk guy who was out with a bunch of criminals. 0.99

01:09:49.000 And they decided to beat the fuck out of them and steal shit from them. 0.99

01:09:52.000 And that wasn't the first time they beat the fuck out of somebody. 1.00

01:09:54.000 It wasn't the first time they stole shit from people. 1.00

01:09:57.000 That's what that was. 0.99

01:09:59.000 I don't think it's anything but that.

01:10:02.000 It's real simple.

01:10:02.000 I think maybe two of them were criminals and eight of them got in on it.

01:10:07.000 Come on, man.

01:10:08.000 We got dark pockets of humanity. 0.99

01:10:09.000 And that guy was strolling drunk through a dark pocket of humanity and they fucked him up. 0.98

01:10:14.000 What I would say is there's dark pockets in every single human. 0.99

01:10:17.000 Yes, it's possible.

01:10:19.000 But you have to have the certain combination of neglect and abuse as a child and abuse by your environment.

01:10:26.000 You have to have a certain amount of disconnect with the idea of community and brothership and fellowship and love. 1.00

01:10:32.000 You have to have enough fucked up shit in your life that you don't go the natural way. 0.99

01:10:37.000 Humans that are raised with love and humans that are raised in a good community, that's what they try to appreciate and And cultivate. 1.00

01:10:45.000 And when you're not, and you lash out, I mean, it's almost always because somebody did a fucking terrible job of raising some kid. 0.72

01:10:52.000 It could have been some other place where everybody around was terrible for kids. 0.99

01:10:57.000 And these toxic cesspools, occasionally they shit out excellence, you know, and someone would just try so hard to get away from it that they become this, you know, mega mogul type character. 0.99

01:11:07.000 You know, some super rapper dude, or a fighter or an athlete or something like that. 0.98

01:11:11.000 But I mean, essentially, it's a dark, horrible pocket of humanity where anything can go wrong. 0.99

01:11:16.000 And that's one of the main, if you want to cry racism in this country, the real reality, that's some of the most racist shit, I think. 0.99

01:11:25.000 The system? 1.00

01:11:26.000 Yeah.

01:11:26.000 When you see a problem area like that and you just dismiss it as a bunch of lazy people, you're dismissing babies, man.

01:11:34.000 You're dismissing them.

01:11:36.000 That is clearly, in a way, it's either dishonest or it's racist.

01:11:41.000 It's one or the other. 0.99

01:11:42.000 Because you're ignoring the fact that these bundles of potential human beings are being brought into this fucked up situation. 0.94

01:11:49.000 Instead, you want to concentrate on some minerals on the other side of the world or some Taliban dudes that may or may not even exist. 0.94

01:11:57.000 How many of them are there really?

01:12:00.000 Well, there's 300 of them. 1.00

01:12:02.000 Isn't there just a bunch of fucking people where you're in their yard and you're shooting at them? 0.99

01:12:06.000 But Joe, they have over 200 horses. 1.00

01:12:09.000 And they have 10 pickup trucks.

01:12:11.000 How many spears do they have?

01:12:12.000 They've ate.

01:12:13.000 At last count, they've ate spirits. 1.00

01:12:15.000 Fuck, man. 1.00

01:12:16.000 And just think about all the potential that could be saved if we put the resources that we're putting into going to these other countries with giant fucked up machines. 1.00

01:12:25.000 Well, that's the thing, yeah. 0.97

01:12:26.000 It's like Bill Gates ending malaria.

01:12:28.000 We took that money.

01:12:28.000 And took all those people and hired them, instead of giving them jobs as soldiers, giving them jobs as community rebuilders.

01:12:37.000 Provide the same kind of jobs that could be available to a million soldiers could easily be better spent in this country to having community builders. 0.98

01:12:47.000 Have a million fucking people that you send throughout the terrible spots in this country and they rebuild the infrastructure of community centers, they set up after school things for kids and mentoring for kids, they get kids around people who can be good role models, and they teach them better than they're getting in these fucked up schools where you might as well be going to prison. 0.98

01:13:05.000 Do you believe in the idea of welfare queens, meaning women that like having babies? 0.99

01:13:11.000 For sure they exist.

01:13:11.000 But to me, it's such a small amount.

01:13:13.000 There's a spectrum of humanity, man.

01:13:15.000 Yes, it is a small amount.

01:13:16.000 I agree, but it's a small amount.

01:13:16.000 But I think that that's how people that are against what you're saying would say, what's the problem with that?

01:13:22.000 Babies don't deserve to be fucked over. 1.00

01:13:25.000 That's the real problem is that we are not taking into account the babies. 1.00

01:13:29.000 We're putting one of the most difficult tasks in the world, and we're taking someone who can't even take care of themselves, and we're helping them take care of themselves so that they can keep raising this baby in the most fucked up way possible. 0.82

01:13:42.000 When really what we should do is try to educate them and try to come in and help them and try to figure out what the fuck can be done to put this person in some sort of a positive state So just somehow or another, you can raise this baby, right? 0.88

01:13:56.000 That person's done. 0.95

01:13:57.000 That person's, yeah, she's 45, and she's been on welfare her whole life, and she's addicted to crack.

01:14:02.000 She's done.

01:14:03.000 You can try and help her if you want, but you can save that baby!

01:14:06.000 That baby can be saved!

01:14:09.000 I almost see welfare as a buyout of people.

01:14:14.000 You're going to be a terrible CVS employee, So you're going to be a drag on the economy.

01:14:18.000 We're going to buy you out.

01:14:19.000 We're going to pay you to stay home, basically.

01:14:22.000 Right. 0.99

01:14:23.000 And just make $240 a week, and we'll give you milk and sugar and all the shit you need to eat. 1.00

01:14:28.000 But you're not good for the economy. 1.00

01:14:30.000 You're just bad.

01:14:31.000 It's a mess. 0.57

01:14:32.000 But I also think that another thing that...

01:14:35.000 When people generally on the right say that there's all these welfare queens and stuff, it's like, you know, and they got so many babies.

01:14:40.000 You know what would help them not have babies? 0.90

01:14:42.000 Birth control. 1.00

01:14:43.000 You gave them some fucking birth control. 1.00

01:14:46.000 Yeah, but even if you do that, there's going to be some people that have babies. 1.00

01:14:49.000 Oh, no, I'm not saying nobody's going to have babies.

01:14:50.000 We have to.

01:14:51.000 I'm saying it's like, well, you had the baby.

01:14:55.000 Now you've got to do it.

01:14:56.000 It's like, yeah, but if you gave her rubbers or if you gave her the pill...

01:15:00.000 You'd have less babies. 0.99

01:15:01.000 We have to figure out a way to make our community somehow or another, our existence here, at least in this country.

01:15:09.000 I mean, we can't control the whole world, but I think in this country, we're capable of getting to a place where we have accepted things and standards for our communities. 0.96

01:15:18.000 And if we just concentrated the amount of effort we spend on military shit, on trying to figure out how to stop kids from growing up fucked up, how to come in and help them, How to come in and catch them while they're young, while they're not a mess yet. 0.97

01:15:33.000 That's the... 0.99

01:15:34.000 That's really...

01:15:35.000 I mean, no one is looking at that.

01:15:37.000 They're allowing...

01:15:38.000 Well, it's just awful.

01:15:39.000 They look at the statistics and they just allow nature to run its course.

01:15:42.000 It's crazy.

01:15:43.000 Yeah, and then it's like you...

01:15:44.000 They kick someone in the shin and they go, what are you limping for? 1.00

01:15:48.000 It's like they're born into this terrible thing and then you go, you're fucking lazy! 0.99

01:15:52.000 No, they're born into this... 0.99

01:15:53.000 Even if they weren't lazy, they're in such a shitty system that you have to be ten times more motivated to get out of it.

01:16:01.000 Yeah, I've been around a lot of dudes, especially when I was really young, that grew up in the projects and had a lot of the kids that I used to do martial arts tournaments with. 0.98

01:16:11.000 They came from really fucked up places.

01:16:13.000 And it was super depressing sometimes when I'd go to visit them and go to where they lived. 0.99

01:16:19.000 And they had a lot of anger inside because of that.

01:16:23.000 There was a lot of frustration because of that.

01:16:25.000 And they got out of it with martial arts.

01:16:27.000 And they become productive members of society. 0.98

01:16:29.000 But when they would tell me some of the stories of the shit they had to go through, how bad the crime is and their projects and how scary it is. 0.97

01:16:36.000 You can't have anything sticking out of your pockets. 0.99

01:16:39.000 It'll rip your pockets open.

01:16:41.000 Like, whoa, man.

01:16:42.000 This kid's living with wolves. 0.51

01:16:43.000 And that's before they've even gotten to white people.

01:16:45.000 Yeah.

01:16:45.000 You know what I mean?

01:16:46.000 Like, that's before that.

01:16:47.000 I got a podcast called The Champs.

01:16:50.000 It's on iTunes.

01:16:50.000 It's good, whatever.

01:16:51.000 And we only have black guests on. 0.95

01:16:58.000 Because I've just never had a boring conversation with a black guest. 1.00

01:17:00.000 And Jose Canseca. 0.94

01:17:02.000 You've never had a boring conversation with a black dude?

01:17:05.000 Almost never. 0.99

01:17:06.000 I'm not saying never, but I find that more of my conversations with black dudes are interesting and inspiring and just fucking engaging than white people.

01:17:18.000 I know a few dudes you'd walk away from. 0.94

01:17:20.000 No, yeah, of course.

01:17:22.000 I'm sure there's exceptions to everyone.

01:17:23.000 I'll get a few dudes a trophy in the corner and change that statistic. 1.00

01:17:27.000 But that's the thing. 0.83

01:17:27.000 White people, they don't spend any... 0.83

01:17:30.000 The thing that I always say is it's important that most of black dudes I know that did something with their lives spent time with white people at a young age. 0.83

01:17:38.000 Because it's important to get demystified.

01:17:41.000 To have white people demystified, you go, oh, it's not, they're not all out to get me. 0.98

01:17:46.000 They're not all white devil. 0.97

01:17:47.000 Yeah, they're not, they're just living their life. 0.99

01:17:49.000 They're not, they're also not these big Paul Bunyan-esque fucking, they're not these phantoms that control everything and they're just people, they're trying to live like I am and vice versa. 0.99

01:17:58.000 It's good for white people to hang out with black people. 0.99

01:18:00.000 But the amount of just shit the average black dude has to deal with on a regular basis, just as part of the culture, it's just like, ugh. 1.00

01:18:08.000 It's so disgusting. 1.00

01:18:09.000 Like looks and calves and just every single interaction. 1.00

01:18:13.000 Banging some hot white girls. 0.94

01:18:14.000 A real hot blonde white girl. 1.00

01:18:16.000 Oh, forget it, Joe. 0.91

01:18:17.000 Yeah, we actually talked about this yesterday with Amy Schumer where she was talking about how many black girls have that, you know, anger at black men for not dating a black girl. 0.87

01:18:28.000 Right.

01:18:29.000 And I'm like, that's like one of the few, like, blatantly open pieces of racism we allow.

01:18:34.000 Right.

01:18:34.000 You know, that's like as racist as you can get.

01:18:38.000 You shouldn't be dating white girls. 1.00

01:18:40.000 Well, no, it's crazy. 1.00

01:18:41.000 It's like we're all the same and we need to overcome, but how fucking dare you? 0.98

01:18:45.000 How dare you try to date someone you like? 0.81

01:18:47.000 Like, we're not all the same.

01:18:48.000 Turns out we're not all the same.

01:18:50.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:18:50.000 These bitches are evil. 1.00

01:18:52.000 You've got yourself to worry about, and we're the human race. 1.00

01:18:55.000 And if you fall in love with a Filipino lady, it's nothing wrong with that, alright?

01:18:59.000 Right.

01:18:59.000 You know, just because you're ex-girlfriend.

01:19:01.000 It's nonsense. 0.99

01:19:02.000 Who the fuck is anybody to tell anybody who to date? 1.00

01:19:06.000 Well, generally the problem is black girls don't like white dudes. 1.00

01:19:10.000 Whereas black dudes like white girls? 1.00

01:19:12.000 Tough shit. 1.00

01:19:13.000 No, I know. 1.00

01:19:13.000 It's like you need to open yourself up to more shit. 1.00

01:19:17.000 How do you think Chinese dudes feel if they only like white chicks? 1.00

01:19:19.000 They gotta feel bad. 0.95

01:19:20.000 It's a hard ride.

01:19:20.000 They gotta feel really bad.

01:19:21.000 It's hard to get a white chick if you're a Chinese dude. 1.00

01:19:23.000 Yeah. 0.88

01:19:24.000 I do a joke.

01:19:24.000 I mean, a lot of them pull it off.

01:19:25.000 Don't get me wrong.

01:19:26.000 No.

01:19:27.000 But it's not a common thing.

01:19:30.000 Yeah, I do a joke where I say, I used to ask people that were mixed, that they were half white and half Asian, which parent was what race. 0.93

01:19:37.000 But it's a stupid question because I realized that the dad was never Asian. 0.99

01:19:42.000 Fucking ever. 1.00

01:19:43.000 That's not true. 0.99

01:19:44.000 I don't agree whose dad was Japanese.

01:19:46.000 You'll find one person, but mostly it's like, I met her when I was in Korea.

01:19:50.000 There's always like, the...

01:19:54.000 Because also, white girls don't like Asian dudes because they don't like short dudes. 1.00

01:19:59.000 But what if it's a big one?

01:20:00.000 I know a lot of Asian dudes are really big. 1.00

01:20:02.000 You've got to be a sexy fucking Asian to get white girls. 1.00

01:20:05.000 You've got to be a Bruce Lee. 1.00

01:20:06.000 You've got to be a fucking Kevin Shea. 0.99

01:20:10.000 You've got to be a Bobby Lee. 1.00

01:20:12.000 Kim Jong.

01:20:13.000 You've got to be a Jeremy Lin. 1.00

01:20:16.000 You've got to be a sexy fucking Asian. 1.00

01:20:18.000 That's wild, isn't it? 1.00

01:20:20.000 That's probably the hardest road for white pussy. 1.00

01:20:22.000 Asian, yeah. 1.00

01:20:24.000 Yeah, I was gonna say Mexican dude. 0.53

01:20:26.000 What's the hardest if you want to get a black check?

01:20:30.000 Asian guy as well?

01:20:32.000 Probably an Asian guy. 0.70

01:20:33.000 Asian guy as well, right?

01:20:34.000 Yeah.

01:20:35.000 Yeah.

01:20:35.000 Could you see Beyonce going out with an Asian guy?

01:20:39.000 Could you ever see that?

01:20:40.000 Sure couldn't.

01:20:41.000 Not even...

01:20:41.000 Sure couldn't, Joe.

01:20:44.000 Sure couldn't.

01:20:45.000 Yeah, maybe it could happen.

01:20:47.000 Bruce Lee!

01:20:47.000 But Bruce Lee!

01:20:48.000 Fucking... 1.00

01:20:48.000 You gotta be that. 1.00

01:20:49.000 You know where it happened?

01:20:50.000 Some weird place like Scottsdale, Arizona or something.

01:20:52.000 That's hilarious.

01:20:53.000 They met at the tanning salon.

01:20:55.000 Yeah, so they're just both a little off.

01:20:56.000 Yeah.

01:20:58.000 And she gets a thrill out of the fact she hangs out with this dude who speaks Mandarin.

01:21:02.000 Yeah.

01:21:03.000 Maybe.

01:21:04.000 Maybe her dad was really into Kung Fu.

01:21:05.000 Yeah, but again, it's got to be like... 0.99

01:21:08.000 Yeah, it sucks. 0.77

01:21:10.000 It's just one of those things that's just like... 1.00

01:21:12.000 It sucked! 0.94

01:21:12.000 It is what it is, man. 0.94

01:21:14.000 There's nothing we can do about it.

01:21:15.000 Yeah.

01:21:16.000 Just history.

01:21:16.000 Someday.

01:21:17.000 Although having said that, I bet during Genghis Khan's time, to bring it back to that, that Asian dudes could get pussy. 1.00

01:21:24.000 First of all, because they were taking it. 0.99

01:21:26.000 But also because that was the paradigm of masculinity.

01:21:31.000 That's interesting.

01:21:32.000 That's really fascinating.

01:21:34.000 So what happened that that changed?

01:21:38.000 Is it all cultural?

01:21:39.000 Well, that's why I always find that when I go to Europe, it's odd...

01:21:43.000 In America, to me, it's like a granted that black dudes are cool and create a lot of culture.

01:21:52.000 And in Europe, it's kind of like, no.

01:21:55.000 Soccer is the number one sport.

01:21:56.000 They prefer, like, techno music to hip-hop.

01:22:00.000 Yeah, there's a lot of...

01:22:01.000 Like, so there's no...

01:22:02.000 They, like, don't even get...

01:22:03.000 Like, black fashion isn't a thing.

01:22:05.000 They all wear tight pants. 0.99

01:22:06.000 Like, whereas here, there's a huge strain of black cultural dominance that you go to Europe and it just fucking evaporates. 0.98

01:22:14.000 But I think it is that, like, what do people condition to think is good? 0.96

01:22:19.000 Yeah.

01:22:20.000 Yeah, really?

01:22:22.000 Why sexually?

01:22:23.000 That doesn't make sense to me.

01:22:24.000 Because sexually, to me, it's always clear what men like. 0.99

01:22:28.000 Men like the same thing every goddamn turn. 1.00

01:22:30.000 I mean, there's a few weirdos who want stick figures and fat women. 1.00

01:22:33.000 Right.

01:22:33.000 But men, what's the magic ratio of the two-to-one hips to waist?

01:22:37.000 Yeah, whatever it is, it's natural.

01:22:38.000 The golden ratio?

01:22:39.000 There was a lady that I was, I was in Beverly Hills today, and there was this lady, and she was probably in her 40s, deep in her 40s, which I try to be respectful and not have, like, ugly feelings about women who are older than me when I look at her. 1.00

01:22:50.000 She was built so nice. 0.98

01:22:54.000 She had this thin waist and this ass. 1.00

01:22:59.000 You could tell this bitch goes to the gym. 1.00

01:23:01.000 You could tell. 1.00

01:23:01.000 She worked out hard. 1.00

01:23:02.000 She was really well kept.

01:23:04.000 And you just look at her body instantly. 0.88

01:23:07.000 Wow, that's sex. 0.91

01:23:09.000 That's what she looks like. 1.00

01:23:10.000 Yeah, you're built for sex. 1.00

01:23:12.000 She looks like sex. 1.00

01:23:13.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:23:14.000 And that's just automatic.

01:23:17.000 But again, girls like tall guys, broad shoulders. 0.73

01:23:22.000 But I'm talking in general.

01:23:24.000 You know what they like?

01:23:25.000 They like strength.

01:23:26.000 They like physical, genetic strength.

01:23:28.000 Yes.

01:23:28.000 And they also like social, worth.

01:23:31.000 They like any sort of strength.

01:23:33.000 That's strength as well.

01:23:34.000 Absolutely.

01:23:34.000 This monetary strength.

01:23:36.000 They want whatever looks attractive to mate with. 1.00

01:23:38.000 It's the same thing. 1.00

01:23:39.000 Men want a woman that can fucking protect their baby in utero and then feed it with big giant titties. 1.00

01:23:46.000 Why not Asian guys? 1.00

01:23:47.000 Because they're not tall and they don't have...

01:23:49.000 Generally speaking, they're not tall and they don't have broad shoulders.

01:23:51.000 And they got no social currency.

01:23:54.000 Yeah, they do.

01:23:55.000 Social skills.

01:23:57.000 Is that what it is?

01:23:58.000 For the most I know, they're not...

01:24:00.000 No, I think it could be smooth.

01:24:01.000 Hold on a second.

01:24:02.000 In what way?

01:24:04.000 I don't know.

01:24:05.000 Any of the Asians that I know, they're very foreign. 1.00

01:24:10.000 When it comes to just common pop culture, pop anything.

01:24:15.000 Are you talking about American Asians?

01:24:18.000 I'm talking about American Asians that I know.

01:24:20.000 That were born here.

01:24:21.000 Having conversations with them, it's very different than having a conversation with an Asian chick. 1.00

01:24:28.000 Do you think that it's because they came from the parents of immigrants and their parents were super strict?

01:24:34.000 There's a little of that.

01:24:35.000 You make it a big generalization, obviously.

01:24:37.000 I know a lot of Asians.

01:24:38.000 I'm just talking about the people I know.

01:24:39.000 Look at Bobby Lee.

01:24:40.000 He's not like that.

01:24:41.000 Bobby Lee's pretty cool.

01:24:42.000 There's a lot of Asians that are totally down and cool. 1.00

01:24:46.000 I know several of them.

01:24:47.000 Right, but that's what I'm wondering.

01:24:49.000 I know more that are actually cool.

01:24:52.000 You know a lot of fans.

01:24:55.000 But cool that girls would want to date them cool, though?

01:24:57.000 Or more like, hey, they're cool if I want to talk about video games and stuff?

01:25:00.000 Cool if I want to just hang out with them.

01:25:02.000 When I think about the dudes that I know that are Asian, I know a lot of Asian martial arts guys.

01:25:08.000 I know a lot of Asian dudes from martial arts.

01:25:10.000 And I know a lot of them.

01:25:11.000 If I want to talk about the most percentage of Asian dudes with white girlfriends, it's usually martial arts. 0.99

01:25:18.000 That makes complete sense.

01:25:19.000 Because it's a show.

01:25:21.000 They're peacocking.

01:25:22.000 And they're fit.

01:25:24.000 And they wear Bruce Lee brown sweatsuits everywhere they go.

01:25:28.000 With a zipper. 1.00

01:25:30.000 Penis is easy to get in our mouth. 1.00

01:25:32.000 There's no gap. 1.00

01:25:33.000 Real easy!

01:25:34.000 And he's happy about it.

01:25:35.000 He doesn't care.

01:25:36.000 It feels good for him. 1.00

01:25:37.000 She's really just into getting her pussy eaten anyway. 1.00

01:25:40.000 I mean, she really doesn't even like sex that much. 1.00

01:25:42.000 Yeah.

01:25:42.000 So for them, it works.

01:25:44.000 Stereotypes aside.

01:25:46.000 But, you know, I think I have a friend that was...

01:25:50.000 She was raised by a very strict father to the point where when she got older, like, all of her boyfriends became...

01:25:59.000 She wouldn't date Asian guys. 0.74

01:26:00.000 It was all white guys. 0.88

01:26:02.000 Only white guys. 0.60

01:26:03.000 And her father was like...

01:26:05.000 I just guess just such a like stereotypical over-the-top like you know authoritarian like really strict Asian father and it just completely whacked her out to the idea of ever dating an Asian guy and If that's the case, if it's like that's a part of their culture. 0.91

01:26:26.000 I know my friends that are Korean, I had a buddy that was Korean.

01:26:29.000 I've never met anybody who worked harder in my life.

01:26:32.000 Well, that's the thing.

01:26:32.000 There's no machismo about the culture.

01:26:35.000 It's just basically like quiet hard work.

01:26:38.000 Oh, my God.

01:26:38.000 Yeah, they're not into bragging at all.

01:26:40.000 Yeah, they're not into wearing chains.

01:26:41.000 They're not into getting nice cars.

01:26:43.000 It's just like...

01:26:44.000 We're planning for the next generation.

01:26:46.000 Yeah, my friend Jung-sik, Jung-sik Chang, we did Taekwondo together.

01:26:50.000 He wound up on the national team. 0.98

01:26:51.000 He was a national champion and he was in fucking medical school. 0.97

01:26:54.000 And he took a little bit of time off from medical school to compete. 0.98

01:26:59.000 Never met a guy who works that hard.

01:27:02.000 Manny Pacquiao is a good example. 0.99

01:27:04.000 Yeah, the guy's like a governor or some shit. 0.99

01:27:07.000 He's the governor. 0.99

01:27:07.000 He's like the mayor of Thailand. 0.99

01:27:11.000 Philippines.

01:27:12.000 He's not from Thailand.

01:27:13.000 No, exactly.

01:27:14.000 And he lives in the place by the Beverly Center.

01:27:18.000 With eight of his cousins.

01:27:20.000 Oh, does he really?

01:27:20.000 No, like when they come for fights, they stay at the Palazzo.

01:27:24.000 Hey, what are you doing?

01:27:25.000 Why would you say that on the internet?

01:27:25.000 Because they show it on that show.

01:27:30.000 Oh, that's so stupid. 1.00

01:27:30.000 And there's a gate. 1.00

01:27:31.000 Why would they do that?

01:27:32.000 Yeah.

01:27:32.000 How many nutty people are waiting outside for him every day?

01:27:35.000 Fight him. 0.75

01:27:36.000 To fight him?

01:27:37.000 No, go ahead.

01:27:37.000 He goes to Wild Card Gym.

01:27:39.000 They know where he goes.

01:27:40.000 That's the kind of thing.

01:27:41.000 When you're that kind of badass, it's like, alright, so what are you going to do?

01:27:44.000 We filmed him.

01:27:45.000 I went there for Tasha's show. 0.60

01:27:47.000 And Tasha was going to let Manny Pacquiao punch him in the head. 0.59

01:27:51.000 And I was his corner man. 0.67

01:27:54.000 He really hit him.

01:27:56.000 He was very nice about it.

01:27:57.000 The first couple times he hit him, he barely hit him.

01:28:00.000 Were you going to say gingerly?

01:28:02.000 No.

01:28:02.000 I was searching for a word, but gingerly would apply.

01:28:04.000 That's a good word.

01:28:06.000 But the amount of people that were there...

01:28:09.000 It was insane.

01:28:11.000 Just there.

01:28:11.000 They're just there.

01:28:13.000 Downstairs in that parking lot.

01:28:14.000 They weren't there because of the Tasha show.

01:28:15.000 They were there because that's where Manny Pacquiao trained.

01:28:17.000 Yeah.

01:28:18.000 And this was, I guess, like a year ago, maybe?

01:28:21.000 Less than a year ago?

01:28:22.000 Maybe a year.

01:28:22.000 Less than a year, probably.

01:28:24.000 And so he's only gotten even more popular since then.

01:28:27.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:28:27.000 I mean, he's a goddamn superhero. 1.00

01:28:29.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:28:29.000 And there's a restaurant, a Thai restaurant that you eat at downstairs, and it's got all pictures of him on the wall because that's where he eats. 0.99

01:28:35.000 Yeah.

01:28:36.000 Yeah, you can find Manny Packard.

01:28:38.000 Yeah, you can find him.

01:28:39.000 And he's a humble dude.

01:28:41.000 Oh, he's the nicest guy ever.

01:28:43.000 He's a sweetheart.

01:28:45.000 That is that weird thing that fighters have where you don't really brag.

01:28:50.000 Well, I think when you get to the point of Manny Pacquiao, why would he brag? 0.66

01:28:54.000 I mean, that guy probably can't believe how fucking amazing his life is.

01:28:58.000 Well, what do you make of Mayweather then? 0.95

01:28:58.000 Well, that sort of part of it is his shtick. 0.95

01:29:01.000 And it's also part of it is why he's become so successful.

01:29:04.000 And it's also part of it is his environment.

01:29:06.000 And if you look at, I mean, there's no better example than those shows, those HBO series when they follow him.

01:29:13.000 Because if you follow his life, man, his father was in jail, okay? 1.00

01:29:17.000 His father talks mad shit to him. 1.00

01:29:19.000 They talk mad shit to each other. 1.00

01:29:21.000 Like he said to his father, he goes, you ain't nothing. 1.00

01:29:23.000 You ain't never nothing.

01:29:24.000 You ain't no champion.

01:29:25.000 You ain't never no champion.

01:29:26.000 And he says it to his father's face on camera. 1.00

01:29:29.000 And he shuts down his father, makes him look like shit on camera. 0.99

01:29:32.000 And then his You know, his uncle Rogers the same way. 1.00

01:29:36.000 And they just talk mad shit to each other. 1.00

01:29:38.000 Roger just got it. 1.00

01:29:39.000 He's on trial for domestic abuse.

01:29:41.000 He beat some girl up.

01:29:43.000 I mean, that's the environment.

01:29:44.000 And then Floyd smacked some girl. 1.00

01:29:46.000 And, you know, he's got to go to jail for 90 days.

01:29:48.000 They're letting him fight first.

01:29:49.000 You know, I mean, it's really...

01:29:51.000 That's a crazy life.

01:29:53.000 That's part of his environment. 0.99

01:29:54.000 But look how goddamn disciplined that dude is. 0.95

01:29:57.000 The reason why Floyd is so good... 0.98

01:29:59.000 Floyd will get out, he'll go out clubbing, drinking water, and then with his jeans on, he'll run at like 1.30 in the morning. 0.75

01:30:06.000 He gets his truck, his driver, whoever the fuck he's got working for him, to drive the car behind him, and he'll just go run home at 1.30 in the morning.

01:30:14.000 Do you think that's characterological? 0.98

01:30:15.000 Meaning, do you think it's just in him?

01:30:17.000 Meaning, at a certain point, it's like that so-and-so is disciplined?

01:30:22.000 It's almost like that's just how their brain is? 0.99

01:30:26.000 Like Floyd, it's like, I just gotta fucking run. 1.00

01:30:29.000 No, no. 0.99

01:30:30.000 He's not that crazy.

01:30:31.000 I think he's doing the work.

01:30:32.000 I think he's just addicted to success, and I think he knows exactly what he has to do to be as good as he is, which is better than almost anybody.

01:30:39.000 And I think his technical skill is only eclipsed by his work ethic.

01:30:45.000 And that's what people don't understand.

01:30:47.000 He's got great technical skill.

01:30:48.000 He's a great boxer.

01:30:49.000 You've seen him fight live?

01:30:50.000 Oh, yeah.

01:30:51.000 He's on a different speed.

01:30:53.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:30:53.000 Well, he's also so accurate and his timing is fucking genius. 0.99

01:30:57.000 And he knows how to control a fight. 0.98

01:30:58.000 He knows how to pace himself.

01:31:00.000 He knows how to do anything.

01:31:01.000 But...

01:31:01.000 One of the big things about that dude is he never gets tired.

01:31:04.000 That guy's never even remotely tired.

01:31:06.000 You never even see him slow down.

01:31:09.000 He's never in a war where he has to dig down deep because someone's been rocking him.

01:31:13.000 You know when you start seeing fighters in those fights and they're covering up and they're bouncing off the ropes?

01:31:17.000 The last time you saw that Floyd over there.

01:31:18.000 The guy that he ended up knocking out when the guy put his hands down was giving him a little something?

01:31:25.000 No, he wasn't. 0.99

01:31:26.000 He wasn't hitting him with shit. 1.00

01:31:27.000 All he was hitting him with was headbutts. 1.00

01:31:29.000 Oh, I agree.

01:31:30.000 I agree. 0.99

01:31:31.000 He throws a lot of punches, but Floyd is a goddamn expert at moving with punches and about sliding away from punches. 0.95

01:31:37.000 The only guy that's ever hit him clean that I've ever seen in a modern fight, not when he was younger, when he was first starting out, but in a recent fight, is Sugar Shane Mosley, caught him with the right hand and rocked him. 0.93

01:31:46.000 But you know what he does? 0.97

01:31:47.000 He fucking calms himself down. 0.99

01:31:48.000 Did he fall? 1.00

01:31:49.000 Nope, nope.

01:31:50.000 But he rocked.

01:31:51.000 He got cracked.

01:31:52.000 Boom! 0.99

01:31:52.000 I like that that counts as like, he got hit once. 0.99

01:31:55.000 It's like when those guys get knocked out, we're talking about like, one time he got hit hard.

01:31:59.000 They all get hit, but he got hit clean.

01:32:01.000 But that's how fast he is, is that you're bringing up like, one time in 1998, a guy actually landed a punch clean.

01:32:08.000 Exactly.

01:32:09.000 But I saw him fight Hatton and somebody else, and you just got like, this isn't even a, they're not even in the same league.

01:32:14.000 Yeah, he's way too good for them.

01:32:16.000 He's way too good, and Hatton started getting tired.

01:32:18.000 I mean, Hatton was a tough guy, but Hatton was also a partier. 0.97

01:32:22.000 That fucked Hatton after he got out of the game. 0.95

01:32:24.000 He got real big and started doing cocaine. 0.99

01:32:27.000 Oh, did he really?

01:32:27.000 He got caught with it, yeah.

01:32:28.000 Which is so sad when you see fighters that get out of the game and they don't know what the fuck to do and they go crazy. 0.83

01:32:35.000 It happened to Joe Lewis. 0.82

01:32:37.000 It happened to Sonny Liston.

01:32:39.000 It happened to a lot of them.

01:32:40.000 They don't know what to do. 1.00

01:32:41.000 They just get fucking nutty. 0.99

01:32:43.000 What a wild ride they've been on their whole life. 1.00

01:32:45.000 Then all of a sudden you say, okay, no more craziness.

01:32:47.000 There should be a farm or something.

01:32:50.000 I mean, for real, what do you do with Mike Tyson?

01:32:54.000 It's like you're great at violence, and we have no use for it other than in that one thing that you can only really do until you're 27. Well, Mike Tyson actually, I believe, has a one-man show in Vegas now.

01:33:04.000 This is what I've been hearing, and I've been hearing it's really good.

01:33:07.000 And what it is, is he just sits down and tells stories of his life, just like that documentary.

01:33:11.000 But they put a structure to it, and he knows how to do it, and apparently has a great stage presence.

01:33:18.000 And apparently it's really compelling.

01:33:20.000 That's great.

01:33:21.000 It's great.

01:33:22.000 You're sitting there with boxing history.

01:33:25.000 How old are you?

01:33:26.000 38. I'm 44. When I was in 1986, I was 19 years old.

01:33:32.000 And I remember when Mike Tyson fights would come on.

01:33:37.000 I remember.

01:33:38.000 Yeah. 0.98

01:33:38.000 When Mike Tyson fights would come on, everybody would fucking gather around. 0.98

01:33:43.000 They would all gather around. 0.98

01:33:44.000 It was something different.

01:33:46.000 It wasn't like, hey, there's a boxing match this weekend.

01:33:49.000 Even Marvin Hagler.

01:33:50.000 I have become a Marvin Hagler fan.

01:33:52.000 Those fights were...

01:33:53.000 Assaults.

01:33:54.000 Primal.

01:33:54.000 There was something like, they're going to let a dog attack a person.

01:33:59.000 An animal is going to fight.

01:34:01.000 Something horrifying is going to happen.

01:34:03.000 He's a part of the sports history.

01:34:05.000 There was no one...

01:34:06.000 No one, I think, today can appreciate how dominant he was when he was in his preseason.

01:34:10.000 Yeah.

01:34:11.000 Especially amongst the general public.

01:34:12.000 There's a few people that question whether or not he'd ever fight a guy like Carl the Truth Williams.

01:34:17.000 He had a really good jab, apparently had great training sessions with him, and it was like, Carl the Truth is the guy to beat Tyson.

01:34:23.000 Right. 0.98

01:34:23.000 But then by the time Tyson got to Carl the Truth, he fucked him up. 0.98

01:34:26.000 Tyson was on a completely different level by that point. 0.67

01:34:29.000 Well, that's the thing, those fights where he knocked dudes out in 40 seconds.

01:34:32.000 Well, Larry Holmes.

01:34:33.000 And people get mad. 0.99

01:34:34.000 And it's like, well, he's that fucking good. 0.98

01:34:37.000 Larry Holmes was older when he fought him. 0.98

01:34:38.000 So I would have loved to have seen a prime Larry Holmes.

01:34:41.000 Because Larry Holmes gave him a hard time with the jab in the first round.

01:34:44.000 But in the second round, Tyson just started moving his head more.

01:34:47.000 Found his rhythm.

01:34:48.000 Eventually caught him with a monster punch.

01:34:51.000 Dropped him. 0.99

01:34:51.000 And then knocked him out in a really fucked up way. 0.99

01:34:54.000 Where his leg went backwards behind him. 0.98

01:34:56.000 And then went...

01:34:57.000 Remember that? 1.00

01:34:59.000 When you looked at it, it was like, his leg is fucked. 0.99

01:35:02.000 And, you know, Larry Holmes was a long-time heavyweight champion. 0.99

01:35:08.000 Nobody had ever done that to Larry.

01:35:09.000 Guys had beaten Larry, but nobody had ever done that to him.

01:35:12.000 So, that guy was...

01:35:14.000 He's such a historic figure to us. 0.98

01:35:15.000 He made dudes look retarded. 1.00

01:35:17.000 It was scary. 0.99

01:35:18.000 He would literally make them look like...

01:35:19.000 They would pass out in a way that's like, yo, that... 1.00

01:35:21.000 They would do crazy shit. 1.00

01:35:22.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:35:23.000 People don't need to see that.

01:35:24.000 Like, oh, look like a drunk...

01:35:26.000 He would make men look like drunk... 0.97

01:35:29.000 Ants.

01:35:30.000 Yeah.

01:35:30.000 But when he won the title, he did that.

01:35:32.000 Remember? 0.98

01:35:32.000 Who the fuck did he fight? 0.98

01:35:34.000 Trevor Burbick? 1.00

01:35:35.000 Trevor Burbick. 1.00

01:35:36.000 He wound up being a reverend and shit and doing a bunch of other nutty shit. 1.00

01:35:39.000 I think he got murdered, too. 1.00

01:35:41.000 He did a lot.

01:35:42.000 I feel like Trevor Burbick got murdered.

01:35:45.000 I don't think...

01:35:47.000 I can't rule that out.

01:35:48.000 Yeah, that's very possible. 1.00

01:35:50.000 But the idea of Mike Tyson telling you all those stories, what it was like to be that guy, you know, back then when he was on top of the fucking world, I mean, he was a fucking monster. 0.98

01:36:02.000 The other thing about Mike Tyson is he's the Mike Tyson of self-loathing as well. 1.00

01:36:07.000 Meaning he'll just be like, I'm a piece of shit. 1.00

01:36:09.000 I mean, it's like, whoa, man. 1.00

01:36:11.000 But there's something so arresting about somebody saying that.

01:36:13.000 Yeah, Trevor Burr was murdered, man.

01:36:16.000 Yeah.

01:36:17.000 He won the title from Trevor Burberry.

01:36:19.000 You remember that one thing that Tyson did for the movie where he's talking about his mindset as he was walking to the cage?

01:36:27.000 And they raped his sisters?

01:36:29.000 No, no, no, no, no, no, no. 0.99

01:36:30.000 He was walking.

01:36:31.000 He was like, he goes, I'm walking to the cage.

01:36:33.000 I'm nervous.

01:36:34.000 I'm nervous.

01:36:35.000 I'm thinking about this.

01:36:36.000 I'm looking at the crowd.

01:36:37.000 I'm looking at him.

01:36:38.000 I'm trying to make eye contact.

01:36:39.000 And as I get closer, I get more and more confident.

01:36:41.000 I get confident.

01:36:42.000 I get inside.

01:36:42.000 I'm a god.

01:36:45.000 It's just like the way he said it. 0.99

01:36:47.000 You're just thinking, what the fuck would it feel like if you had got it? 0.99

01:36:52.000 If you're trapped in a ring. 0.98

01:36:53.000 When he fought Michael Spinks, That was one of the big fights of Tyson's career.

01:37:01.000 And Michael Spinks was a former light heavyweight champion who had gone up to heavyweight and beaten Larry Holmes by decision.

01:37:05.000 But there was a look in his eyes.

01:37:07.000 When they were reading, you know, when the guy was going over the rules and they were looking at each other, Mike Tyson was just chomping back and forth and just staring at him in the eyes.

01:37:16.000 He cut a hole in a towel. 1.00

01:37:18.000 It's like, fuck. 1.00

01:37:19.000 When you hear that quote attributed to that walk-in and you think about that fight and what it must have been like to be Michael Spinks in the room with, at that moment, the most impressive heavyweight fighter in the history of the sport, in my opinion. 0.99

01:37:32.000 Yeah, I agree with that.

01:37:33.000 You've got to judge a guy on what he does to the tough fights when he's in his prime at his best.

01:37:37.000 And Mike Tyson in his prime at his best would just run through dudes.

01:37:41.000 Well, that's what I wonder.

01:37:42.000 What do you think happens if he fights Ali at his prime?

01:37:45.000 It's not a match, right?

01:37:47.000 I don't know.

01:37:47.000 I think he might get Ali.

01:37:49.000 I think he just gets him in the first round.

01:37:51.000 I think he'll get him.

01:37:52.000 You know, Henry Cooper knocked down Ali and had him badly hurt. 0.98

01:37:55.000 And Customato had, or no, rather, what the fuck's his name? 0.99

01:37:58.000 The guy that just died. 0.97

01:38:00.000 Bondini?

01:38:01.000 Drew?

01:38:01.000 Anthony.

01:38:02.000 Jesus Christ.

01:38:03.000 Oh, Bird Sugar?

01:38:04.000 No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

01:38:06.000 Who was Sugar Ray Leonard's trainer?

01:38:09.000 Angelo Dundee.

01:38:10.000 Yeah.

01:38:10.000 Angelo Dundee cut his gloves so that they would have time to recover.

01:38:15.000 He got back to the corner and they cheated. 0.99

01:38:17.000 They cut his fucking gloves because he got knocked down by Henry Cooper. 0.99

01:38:20.000 You know, Ali later as he got older got way better. 0.99

01:38:23.000 But if they both had fought like when they were both the same age, when Tyson was 21 and Ali was 21, Tyson would have killed him.

01:38:30.000 Yeah, or even like the Thrill of Manila or the Foreman one.

01:38:34.000 You know, a lot of people don't want to think of Ali in the later years because he got battered and beaten up.

01:38:40.000 And they're absolutely right.

01:38:41.000 But even at his best, he still got caught.

01:38:43.000 He got caught by something.

01:38:45.000 He never fought anybody like Tyson.

01:38:47.000 He never fought anybody like the Tyson that fought Marvis Frazier. 0.99

01:38:50.000 Jesus fucking Christ. 0.99

01:38:51.000 Do you remember how scary that was? 1.00

01:38:53.000 Yes!

01:38:54.000 It was like the Christians and the Lions. 1.00

01:38:57.000 It was fucking crazy. 0.99

01:38:59.000 No one's confusing Muhammad Ali with Marvis Frazier, but I'm saying some of those might have got through. 0.99

01:39:04.000 And if some of those got through, that would have been the end.

01:39:06.000 In my mind, Foreman would give him a fight. 1.00

01:39:09.000 Fuck yeah, he would. 1.00

01:39:10.000 Like, Foreman from Africa? 1.00

01:39:12.000 Fuck yeah. 1.00

01:39:13.000 Foreman from when we were kings? 1.00

01:39:15.000 Foreman would fire back. 1.00

01:39:16.000 With a heavy bag and shit? 0.99

01:39:18.000 Well, you know, that's a good thing you could say about Ali as well, because Ali had an incredible chin. 1.00

01:39:22.000 Ali could fucking take it. 0.99

01:39:24.000 He could take it. 0.99

01:39:24.000 But nobody ever hit him with the kind of combinations that Tyson was capable of throwing. 0.99

01:39:27.000 Tyson threw ungodly things that had never existed in the heavyweight division before.

01:39:32.000 Nobody had ever ripped the body to the head like the way he did, where he would throw that right hook to the body and then that right uppercut, and his whole body would torque.

01:39:41.000 It's like the shark eating the dolphin thing, where it's just like...

01:39:45.000 You know, there's a lot of boxing people who totally disagree with me and say, oh, it's so disrespectful to Muhammad Ali and he was the greatest.

01:39:51.000 He was amazing.

01:39:52.000 But I think things evolve and athletes evolve and you want to try to put them error to error and say, well, what if Muhammad Ali grew up during Tyson's era?

01:40:03.000 Right.

01:40:03.000 He would have been better.

01:40:05.000 Muhammad Ali would have been better if he grew up in that generation. 0.98

01:40:08.000 And that's not bullshit.

01:40:09.000 Muhammad Ali was an amazing athlete, but he was an amazing athlete in the 1960s. 0.98

01:40:13.000 If he was an amazing athlete in the year 2000, he'd be even fucking better. 0.91

01:40:17.000 For sure. 0.94

01:40:18.000 100%.

01:40:18.000 But if you look at them as far as like it's just a window of time and compare if you could somehow or another get them in a room in the same physical state that they would all fit in their prime.

01:40:27.000 The way guys are ripped now is completely different.

01:40:30.000 Tyson was on another level, dude.

01:40:31.000 He was on another level.

01:40:33.000 He didn't sustain it, and he definitely imploded, and he went through.

01:40:36.000 But when he was on, man, dudes would be terrified of him.

01:40:40.000 Bruce Seldon went down to a miss. 0.98

01:40:42.000 He hit him, and then Bruce Seldon winged a left hook on him, and he fucking stumbled at the ropes and fell. 0.99

01:40:47.000 That might have been like some kung fu fear shit, where he just knew the end was coming. 0.96

01:40:54.000 Do you do any... 0.97

01:40:55.000 Because I read this book called 10 Minute Toughness, which this reminded me of.

01:41:00.000 And it's a book about positive visualization.

01:41:04.000 Just in whether it's...

01:41:06.000 It's for athletes and...

01:41:08.000 Because I asked an athlete friend of mine, like, do you do any sports psychology thing?

01:41:11.000 Because I realized from stand-up, I was like, I have no...

01:41:15.000 Not defense, but I have no...

01:41:18.000 I just go...

01:41:19.000 Basically, what happened was I would be in a bad mood and I'd be like, I'm going to bomb.

01:41:24.000 And then I'd go and bomb. 0.63

01:41:25.000 Sure enough. 0.93

01:41:26.000 I could feel it.

01:41:28.000 I could feel that I was going to bomb.

01:41:29.000 I was like, you have to be able to overcome that.

01:41:31.000 The feeling of like, I'm in a bad mood.

01:41:35.000 And then, like, so I basically, it's a thing called 10 Minute Toughness.

01:41:38.000 And it's basically just about positive visualization of said task.

01:41:43.000 Whether it's batting, basketball.

01:41:46.000 Yeah, no, someone said half run's really into it.

01:41:49.000 But I found it's really helpful.

01:41:51.000 And you also hear fighters, and you hear I know athletes who do it, and Pele used to lay down for a half an hour before every game and just visualize it.

01:42:01.000 Michael Jordan, same thing.

01:42:02.000 Tyra Wood, same thing.

01:42:03.000 For sure that would help.

01:42:04.000 Yeah, absolutely.

01:42:05.000 100%.

01:42:07.000 Any time you can equate that thing in your mind with you having success in it, it's going to improve your chances of having success.

01:42:15.000 Yeah, and you do it in your head.

01:42:16.000 So when you go and do it, you're basically just executing...

01:42:19.000 I do jujitsu in the isolation tank.

01:42:21.000 I do it all the time.

01:42:22.000 I do it in my head.

01:42:23.000 I go over techniques.

01:42:25.000 I force myself to go over a whole series of techniques.

01:42:28.000 So I'll just get into a state in the isolation tank and then I say, okay, let's break down some guard positions.

01:42:34.000 And then I just go over guard positions in my head.

01:42:37.000 And where's this arm?

01:42:39.000 This arm is wrapping around the knee and pulling it down.

01:42:41.000 Where's this hand?

01:42:42.000 This hand is right here.

01:42:43.000 And really try to sensation.

01:42:45.000 And I go through the whole move.

01:42:47.000 I go through the whole thing in my head.

01:42:48.000 Because I know what it feels like to do it.

01:42:49.000 I've done it all.

01:42:50.000 So then I just go through all the moves in my head and I can practice.

01:42:53.000 And they say that you practicing in that manner is actually sometimes better for you than the actual physical act of practicing.

01:43:02.000 Yeah.

01:43:02.000 As far as rate of improvement.

01:43:04.000 It's really amazing.

01:43:05.000 I know that's what's great about it. 0.99

01:43:07.000 I don't even fuck around when I say this. 0.98

01:43:08.000 I've gotten 25% better in three months. 0.99

01:43:12.000 When you go back to the tank, do that.

01:43:16.000 Visualize your shows in the tank.

01:43:18.000 But you should never be thinking you're going to bomb. 0.98

01:43:20.000 You should be thinking always that you're the luckiest fucking person ever because you're going to go get paid to talk. 0.99

01:43:27.000 You're a professional comedian, which is craziness. 0.96

01:43:30.000 the fact that somewhere or another you hit the lottery with choosing something, going after it, and then actually achieving success with it in the point of you actually get paid to do something that's fun, whereas the majority of the world gets paid to do something they don't want to do.

01:43:44.000 That's why they get money. 0.86

01:43:45.000 They get money because nobody wants to do it, or because if they do want to do it, they need to be compensated because it's not the ideal shit to be doing right now. 0.95

01:43:52.000 Maybe it's good work, maybe you enjoy it, but if you had your choice, you might be fishing. 0.95

01:43:55.000 Well, the guy who gets paid to go fishing, that guy won. 1.00

01:43:59.000 That guy's true white trash. 1.00

01:44:01.000 So you're driving to go fishing. 1.00

01:44:04.000 You're getting paid.

01:44:05.000 I agree. 0.63

01:44:06.000 You've got a stink on you. 1.00

01:44:09.000 You just have an emotional stink on you, and you're like, they're going to fucking smell it. 0.97

01:44:12.000 And that's where I talked about that genius, the group, the collective unconscious thing, where it's like, they can just smell it. 0.96

01:44:18.000 That's also, I think, where you need love.

01:44:22.000 Neil Brennan?

01:44:23.000 Neil Brennan, you and I have always been cool with each other.

01:44:25.000 I know you have had disagreements with people, and I have had disagreements with people, but I think when we met each other way, way back in the day at Boston Comedy, we were always cool with each other.

01:44:36.000 Because I realized, I'm like, oh, here's one of those dudes that people probably fucked with a lot. 0.98

01:44:42.000 And he seems really smart, but he's worried that you might fuck with him. 0.99

01:44:46.000 But he seems cool, so I'll just assure him that I'll never fuck with him, and I bet we'll get along nice. 0.99

01:44:52.000 Yeah, that's true. 0.80

01:44:54.000 I always felt like an amount of respect from you that wasn't commensurate with my position in life at that time.

01:45:04.000 There are two guys that stick out.

01:45:05.000 You and Jon Stewart.

01:45:07.000 Jon Stewart's a very nice guy.

01:45:09.000 That were very nice before that was a thing to be. 0.68

01:45:12.000 That's how you know how pissed he was at that CNN bullshit when he went on and called these guys hacks and was angry and wasn't funny at all.

01:45:22.000 You realize how nice that guy is. 0.97

01:45:23.000 To get that guy to go and do something like that.

01:45:26.000 I've done his show a couple times.

01:45:28.000 He's like the nicest guy ever.

01:45:30.000 He's so friendly.

01:45:31.000 If he's really that pissed off at you or something...

01:45:34.000 I've never thought that anybody is in any...

01:45:36.000 I mean, there's no positions in life.

01:45:38.000 I think that's nonsense.

01:45:39.000 I don't buy it for a second, especially as a comedian.

01:45:42.000 Why would I ever consider that anybody else would be...

01:45:45.000 There are no positions. 1.00

01:45:47.000 You've got to look at a guy who's got a shit job. 1.00

01:45:49.000 He's cleaning bathroom toilets at a gas station. 1.00

01:45:52.000 I don't know what happened to him, that he got stuck in this situation.

01:45:55.000 I'm going to treat this guy entirely based on how he treats me.

01:45:58.000 Yeah. 0.98

01:45:59.000 If he comes out and he's got a fucking bucket in his hand and a broom and he's just cleaning toilets and I ask him, hey man, do you know where the highway is? 0.99

01:46:08.000 And he goes, yeah, go double back there. 0.99

01:46:10.000 I'm going to say thank you, my brother.

01:46:12.000 Have a good day.

01:46:12.000 I agree.

01:46:13.000 That's the thing.

01:46:14.000 It's like, what does this guy seem like?

01:46:16.000 Seems like a good dude.

01:46:18.000 So we're going to be good dudes to each other?

01:46:20.000 And the thing that I like about you being living where you live, which is far away from LA, is I don't even like being around that sort of nexus of like...

01:46:31.000 You will be treated a certain way and you will not be because you're not in movies.

01:46:38.000 So you get a shittier parking space and you get a shittier social position. 0.98

01:46:43.000 You're going to feel shitty this whole time. 0.97

01:46:44.000 There is that, man.

01:46:46.000 I remember I was over a buddy of mine's house.

01:46:49.000 It was actually Brian Callen.

01:46:50.000 Way back in the day, when Brian was a single man, and he had this girl that he had over his place, and she was just real cunty. 1.00

01:47:01.000 I forget what it was, but Brian was supposed to come with me, but he was always making triple plans.

01:47:06.000 Oh yeah, Cal, absolutely.

01:47:07.000 So I'm like, come on, man.

01:47:08.000 What are we going to do?

01:47:09.000 Are we going to go out or are you going to go out with her?

01:47:11.000 Just let me know now.

01:47:11.000 And she's like, God.

01:47:13.000 She goes, the way he acts, you would think he wasn't like the fifth lead on a sitcom.

01:47:18.000 She goes, you're only like the fifth lead.

01:47:20.000 Relax.

01:47:21.000 And I'll never forget that.

01:47:24.000 Absolutely, yeah.

01:47:25.000 I was like, I didn't even know what number I was!

01:47:28.000 I don't know what number!

01:47:30.000 You know what number on the call sheet I am? 0.97

01:47:33.000 She fucking said I was the fifth lead, because there was eight people on the sitcom. 0.99

01:47:38.000 And maybe I guess my name came in five or six or whatever the fuck it was. 1.00

01:47:41.000 She knew it. 0.95

01:47:42.000 I'm like, come on.

01:47:43.000 How do you know that? 0.99

01:47:44.000 How crazy are you? 0.99

01:47:45.000 I had a girl laugh at me. 1.00

01:47:46.000 She goes, you write for Nickelodeon.

01:47:48.000 This is like in 1994. It's a good gig.

01:47:52.000 I was fucking excited to write for Nickelodeon. 0.96

01:47:54.000 You know what I mean? 0.99

01:47:55.000 Any job in showbiz is fucking a good job, as far as I'm concerned. 0.97

01:47:59.000 What show did you write for? 0.98

01:48:00.000 All That.

01:48:01.000 And Keenan and Kel.

01:48:03.000 Being in that hive of showbiz. 0.95

01:48:05.000 There's too many crazy people. 0.97

01:48:06.000 And the wrong kind of crazy. 0.98

01:48:07.000 I can't get anything out of that.

01:48:09.000 And no one acts natural.

01:48:10.000 Yes.

01:48:10.000 I don't ever talk about it.

01:48:11.000 It's like, I always say, standing next to a celebrity is like driving next to a cop.

01:48:17.000 Right. 0.97

01:48:17.000 You can't fucking, you can do a facsimile of what you think natural is, but everyone's acting fishy. 0.97

01:48:25.000 Fucking everyone. 0.99

01:48:26.000 So I just try to stay away from it. 1.00

01:48:27.000 Smart, yeah.

01:48:28.000 It's definitely smart.

01:48:30.000 You're way better off outside the hive.

01:48:33.000 The hive of this showbiz culture is just so oversaturated with insecurity and insanity. 0.85

01:48:40.000 There's just too much nonsense and too much crazy people, too much need.

01:48:46.000 I don't want to talk about the business. 0.90

01:48:49.000 I don't want to talk about any of this. 0.99

01:48:50.000 This is all boring shit. 0.99

01:48:52.000 There's a crazy world out there and we're concentrating on some of the most mundane aspects of it. 1.00

01:48:58.000 Yeah.

01:48:58.000 Just because that's the latest obsession.

01:49:01.000 And you also have to realize when you have a place like this that is essentially the vortex of all things where someone, all instances where people get appropriated.

01:49:11.000 Imposterous amount of attention for no reason.

01:49:14.000 It all comes from here.

01:49:15.000 So all these people who watch all these different shows, the Housewives shows and this show, they gravitate towards here thinking somehow or another this is going to be the place where they get on TV. And there's people right now that are out of their fucking mind. 0.99

01:49:32.000 They've been a goddamn nightmare to everyone they've ever met their entire life. 1.00

01:49:35.000 And they're on a bus right now and they're headed over here because they're going to get fucking famous. 1.00

01:49:39.000 They're going to get the get out of jail free card. 0.94

01:49:41.000 They're going to get on a reality show.

01:49:43.000 And guess what?

01:49:44.000 They're going to get on a reality show.

01:49:46.000 They will.

01:49:46.000 They'll get on one.

01:49:47.000 I have hosted one.

01:49:49.000 I know how it works.

01:49:50.000 I know how they cast.

01:49:51.000 They find someone. 0.98

01:49:51.000 If that guy can fucking form a sentence and he's energetic and he looks like he might be a fun... 0.98

01:49:55.000 And he's a huge narcissist. 1.00

01:49:56.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:49:56.000 Huge narcissist. 1.00

01:49:57.000 Perfect. 0.95

01:49:57.000 He's like flexing in front of the mirror. 0.95

01:49:59.000 Yeah.

01:49:59.000 He shaves his socks.

01:50:01.000 You know? 1.00

01:50:01.000 Fuck. 1.00

01:50:03.000 Whatever. 1.00

01:50:03.000 Where his socks go? 1.00

01:50:04.000 Look, I think any crazy person right now could come here and come here just to try to get famous.

01:50:11.000 And that's not a good place to live.

01:50:12.000 It's not a good place to live where the big percentage of people come here to get famous.

01:50:17.000 That's unhealthy.

01:50:18.000 Yeah, I just try to ignore it.

01:50:19.000 Yeah.

01:50:20.000 And try to...

01:50:21.000 But you're in the hive, right?

01:50:22.000 Aren't you in the hive?

01:50:22.000 I live in Venice.

01:50:24.000 Yeah, that's the hive, son.

01:50:25.000 But not really.

01:50:26.000 That's the hippie hive. 1.00

01:50:27.000 Yeah, not compared to Hollywood.

01:50:30.000 You have a lot of annoying people live in Venice.

01:50:33.000 Yeah, I agree.

01:50:34.000 It's a different kind of annoying, though.

01:50:35.000 Yeah, it's different. 0.59

01:50:35.000 It's a hippie annoying, which I find forgivable. 0.59

01:50:37.000 Yes.

01:50:38.000 For the most part.

01:50:39.000 And also, I'm in my hive.

01:50:41.000 It's like I drive there.

01:50:43.000 Topanga Canyon is a lot like that, too, right?

01:50:45.000 There's a lot of hippie.

01:50:45.000 Yeah.

01:50:46.000 Topanga is very hippie.

01:50:47.000 Yeah, God bless them.

01:50:48.000 Yeah.

01:50:49.000 Yeah, I'm not really down with that.

01:50:51.000 They annoy me.

01:50:53.000 For the most part.

01:50:54.000 Yeah.

01:50:54.000 Hippies.

01:50:55.000 Yeah, we've talked about this.

01:50:56.000 But you're friends with most hippies that I ever met.

01:50:59.000 Oh yeah, I'm friends with a lot of hippies.

01:51:00.000 But there's a lot of hippies that I don't like.

01:51:02.000 I became an anti-hippie person when I lived in Boulder.

01:51:05.000 And then I had to experience hippies on a daily basis.

01:51:09.000 Well, you're being vegan.

01:51:10.000 There's a lot of weakness.

01:51:12.000 There's a lot of weakness and illogical thinking. 1.00

01:51:15.000 And I've had some conversations with hippies that were quasi-debates about shit, and they go south real quick. 1.00

01:51:22.000 There's not a lot of logic behind the real sloppy, lazy hippie. 0.99

01:51:28.000 You ever hear the people that Peter Schiff always debates at Occupy Wall Street? 0.88

01:51:33.000 He goes down there and talks to the sloppy hippies. 0.98

01:51:35.000 Because they don't really have coherent senses. 0.97

01:51:38.000 And it's really, he's battering them around.

01:51:39.000 It's Mike Tyson sparring one of us.

01:51:41.000 It's not fair. 1.00

01:51:42.000 And those motherfuckers, there's too many of those. 1.00

01:51:46.000 There's too many sloppy hippies who don't really have a good handle on how complex different social issues are. 1.00

01:51:53.000 And they will, why should you have all the money, man?

01:51:55.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:51:56.000 Why should you?

01:51:57.000 Why do you need $500 million, man?

01:52:00.000 Why do you need that, man?

01:52:02.000 And he just eviscerates him.

01:52:04.000 Peter Schiff just explains.

01:52:05.000 You said that like the fourth lead on a sitcom.

01:52:07.000 Not the fifth. 1.00

01:52:08.000 That was a fucking upgrade. 0.99

01:52:11.000 Well, you know what? 0.99

01:52:12.000 I haven't acted in years, but I do get in the tank and think about it. 0.96

01:52:18.000 Yeah, there's a lot of sloppy hippies. 1.00

01:52:22.000 Sloppy thinking, man. 0.92

01:52:24.000 Yeah, well that's what I like about your point of view is that it's humane and masculine. 1.00

01:52:28.000 I don't find it as like people go like, fucking, you're a frat boy. 0.98

01:52:31.000 Nope, it's not that easy. 1.00

01:52:33.000 Not a frat boy. 1.00

01:52:34.000 You fucking jock? 1.00

01:52:35.000 No, not that simple. 1.00

01:52:37.000 I don't even know the rules to football.

01:52:39.000 How about that?

01:52:39.000 I don't even know what's going on.

01:52:41.000 I think people get in trouble and the whistles blow and shit. 0.97

01:52:43.000 I'm like, whoa, what happened? 0.99

01:52:44.000 Who did what?

01:52:45.000 Yeah.

01:52:46.000 I don't know.

01:52:46.000 I don't know what a point is.

01:52:48.000 Why are some things more points?

01:52:50.000 Sometimes they run across the line at a certain point, but if it goes through the net, it's a different point, right?

01:52:56.000 If it goes through the goals, guess what? 0.99

01:52:58.000 I don't give a fuck. 0.99

01:52:59.000 You like fighting. 0.99

01:53:02.000 Yeah, that's the only thing.

01:53:02.000 Well, that and professional pool.

01:53:04.000 Oh, is that true? 1.00

01:53:05.000 Boring as fuck, yeah. 1.00

01:53:06.000 I like professional basketball. 1.00

01:53:07.000 Do you?

01:53:07.000 Yeah.

01:53:08.000 Do you play basketball?

01:53:09.000 I used to.

01:53:11.000 And I just like, it's a fun...

01:53:13.000 Yeah, it's a very fast-paced game.

01:53:14.000 It's fast-paced, a lot of dudes.

01:53:16.000 There's a rhythm to it.

01:53:17.000 There's a lot of art to it. 1.00

01:53:18.000 I love dudes nailing shit. 1.00

01:53:19.000 I love a dude who fades back for a fucking three-point jump shot that just is all net. 1.00

01:53:24.000 I love excellence in any form. 0.99

01:53:26.000 Yeah.

01:53:26.000 But it doesn't mean anything to me when that ball goes in the net.

01:53:28.000 I know it's really hard to do though.

01:53:30.000 So when I watch it, it's pretty badass.

01:53:32.000 But it doesn't sustain me very long.

01:53:33.000 What's funny is when you see, like you watch TV and then you're around the people and you just go, oh!

01:53:39.000 When you go, you're sitting near the court or whatever and you're just like, Oh, I understand why they're paid $20 million. 0.95

01:53:45.000 Because this is fucking weird. 0.64

01:53:47.000 They're weird to begin with, and then they figured out this weird skill. 0.99

01:53:52.000 I would assume MMA is like that.

01:53:54.000 Oh, yeah, for sure.

01:53:55.000 Where you see a guy fight, and you're like, meh.

01:53:57.000 And then you see him, and you're like, alright.

01:53:59.000 What do you mean?

01:53:59.000 If you see a guy fight on tape...

01:54:02.000 And then you kind of think one thing and then you see them fight live and you're like, okay.

01:54:06.000 I might be the only person that has seen more people fight live than seeing people fight TV. I thought that as I was saying it.

01:54:13.000 Do you not do a lot of prep?

01:54:15.000 Well, I do.

01:54:17.000 My prep really is what I would be doing anyway. 0.98

01:54:21.000 I'm such a fanatic about MMA that I don't have to do any extra shit. 1.00

01:54:26.000 I ask them for shit. 1.00

01:54:27.000 The UFC will get me shit all the time. 1.00

01:54:29.000 They'll say, hey, I need some video on Hennon Burrell or something like that. 0.98

01:54:32.000 I want to watch the videos. 0.99

01:54:33.000 They'll send me some shit. 0.99

01:54:35.000 I'm constantly being fed stuff just out of my own curiosity. 0.99

01:54:40.000 I missed one of his fights in WEC. Can you send me Miguel Torres when he fought Brian Bowles?

01:54:46.000 By doing that, that's natural for me.

01:54:49.000 I want to see those.

01:54:50.000 I'm always breaking down fights in my head as far as fights that went on in the past. 0.99

01:54:55.000 Are you good at predicting shit? 0.98

01:54:58.000 I never really predict. 0.99

01:55:00.000 But not predicting.

01:55:01.000 It'd have to be pretty over the top for me to predict.

01:55:04.000 Not predict, but I'm saying are you surprised by most outcomes?

01:55:09.000 I'm surprised often.

01:55:11.000 I don't think I could ever guess better than 50-50.

01:55:18.000 I've never really thought about it.

01:55:21.000 I try to be as objective as possible.

01:55:23.000 I'm trying to couch the Tyson-Forman-Ali comparison.

01:55:27.000 I don't make that ultimate decision.

01:55:30.000 I try to be as objective as possible.

01:55:32.000 And it's because I'm not betting.

01:55:33.000 I don't have to make that ultimate decision.

01:55:35.000 So what I do is I sit down and I go... 0.97

01:55:37.000 Man, if Vitor gets him, Vitor's got some fast fucking hands, if Vitor comes out guns blazing, he might catch him. 0.99

01:55:44.000 And then I go, but what if Vanderlei can get this motherfucker into the second round? 0.99

01:55:48.000 And what if he starts landing some leg kicks? 0.98

01:55:50.000 What if he can keep his hands up high and avoid the flurry and somehow or another wear Vitor out?

01:55:55.000 What if he turns it into a dogfight?

01:55:59.000 I don't know what's going to happen.

01:56:01.000 I never say, this is going to happen. 0.88

01:56:04.000 I only say, this guy should probably be aware of this, and that guy should probably be aware of that, and let's fucking see. 0.86

01:56:11.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:56:12.000 Crazy fucking sport. 1.00

01:56:14.000 The human jaw was never designed to be punched. 1.00

01:56:18.000 It was just designed to chew food.

01:56:19.000 That's it. 1.00

01:56:20.000 And when you start punching that motherfucker, and when you punch heads, heads were designed to take a certain amount of impact for the lumps and bumps that you're going to get going through life, but it's not designed to take one, two, three combinations with a fucking shin kick at the end of them. 1.00

01:56:36.000 Nobody takes that. 1.00

01:56:37.000 Your brain's like, what the fuck is happening? 0.99

01:56:39.000 What are we hitting an asteroid field? 1.00

01:56:41.000 What's going on here?

01:56:42.000 Your body's just not designed for fighting.

01:56:45.000 It's so weak.

01:56:46.000 Especially in comparison to other animals, man.

01:56:49.000 Are a lot of those guys getting concussed in long-term brain damage?

01:56:53.000 Well, there are guys for sure that are going to have some issues.

01:56:59.000 With what they call pugilistic dementia, depending upon when they retire.

01:57:03.000 You followed all the football guys?

01:57:05.000 Yes, it's scary.

01:57:06.000 I think the sport will be different in five years.

01:57:10.000 How would they change it, though?

01:57:12.000 I think that they will go... 0.99

01:57:13.000 Someone pointed out, just put the fucking... 0.99

01:57:15.000 You know the helmets that soccer players wear now? 0.99

01:57:19.000 No.

01:57:20.000 They're not helmets.

01:57:21.000 They're almost like...

01:57:23.000 Not fleeces.

01:57:24.000 Soccer players wear helmets now?

01:57:25.000 There's a soccer goalie I saw yesterday wearing one.

01:57:28.000 And little kids wear them too.

01:57:30.000 Because kids are getting concussions from playing soccer.

01:57:32.000 Yes.

01:57:33.000 They're getting traumatic brain injuries from soccer.

01:57:35.000 Yeah, but that's what I'm saying.

01:57:36.000 That's happening.

01:57:38.000 So I saw a goalie in a match yesterday wearing one of those things.

01:57:42.000 And I think that that's what football will come to.

01:57:44.000 Wow.

01:57:45.000 How is that going to stop the traumatic brain injuries?

01:57:48.000 Because if you're not wearing a helmet, you're not going to go head first into a guy.

01:57:52.000 So they won't be wearing helmets? 0.97

01:57:54.000 They'll be wearing, in my head, they're wearing like soft, like whatever the, I don't know what the fuck they're called. 0.92

01:58:01.000 They're like soft helmets. 0.92

01:58:03.000 Meaning when guys were leather, like the leather head guys, they weren't, it wasn't as violent because they're protecting their heads.

01:58:10.000 I completely agree with you.

01:58:11.000 I completely agree with you in theory. 1.00

01:58:13.000 But people are so stupid, I don't think you can sell that. 1.00

01:58:16.000 Right, but what I'm worried about is the legal ramifications for sports. 1.00

01:58:20.000 Well, that's one of the reasons why they probably couldn't sell it.

01:58:22.000 You can never sell, hey, the way to protect people is to give them less protection.

01:58:25.000 I think that when football players are now just suing the NFL en masse, I think that it's going to be a legal problem.

01:58:34.000 And I think the NCAA is going to have the same problem.

01:58:37.000 I think every level of football is going to have it. 0.98

01:58:40.000 They get fucked up down there, too? 0.98

01:58:42.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:58:42.000 Yeah, they do, right? 1.00

01:58:43.000 Guys getting not diagnosed, guys getting put back in games they can't remember.

01:58:47.000 I didn't even think about college ball.

01:58:48.000 I didn't even think about it.

01:58:49.000 And high school.

01:58:49.000 By the time they get to the pros, they probably already experienced a gang of concussions.

01:58:52.000 All of them.

01:58:53.000 And high school as well.

01:58:55.000 And so that's the thing. 0.99

01:58:57.000 They're not going to be able to insure this shit if there's enough lawsuits. 0.99

01:59:02.000 That's funny. 0.99

01:59:02.000 Because for the few minutes of that conversation, I didn't even consider the fact that they had gone through college careers as well. 0.99

01:59:07.000 I just, for whatever reason, thought of them as professional athletes.

01:59:10.000 Yeah.

01:59:11.000 I wasn't even thinking, no, these guys, this is an organized sport.

01:59:14.000 This isn't like MMA. They actually have to go through a high school career and then a college career.

01:59:18.000 Yes.

01:59:19.000 Think about all the impacts.

01:59:20.000 That's all so violent.

01:59:22.000 Woo! 0.99

01:59:22.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:59:23.000 And just hope you can get enough out of your body that you can make enough money that you can squirrel away and live semi-comfortably in pain for the rest of your life when it's over.

01:59:32.000 Yes.

01:59:33.000 And that's the thing.

01:59:34.000 A former athlete, it's like, you want to talk about needing a farm.

01:59:38.000 I always do a joke with a buddy of mine who, like, if you lose...

01:59:41.000 Like, whenever I see a former athlete, I always feel like they should be...

01:59:44.000 With a girl, they should be saying to the girl, like, you should have been here eight years ago. 1.00

01:59:47.000 Shit was really popping off them, but now they're just limping and fucking... 1.00

01:59:51.000 They're not famous. 1.00

01:59:52.000 They're hunched over. 1.00

01:59:54.000 Their bodies are fucking shot. 1.00

01:59:56.000 Yeah, you can get hurt playing football, man. 1.00

01:59:59.000 That's a way more brutal sport on your body, in my opinion, than MMA. MMA is pretty rough.

02:00:05.000 Don't get me wrong.

02:00:06.000 I mean, it's not working in an office. 0.80

02:00:07.000 No, but MMA ain't fucking 48 minutes or however long. 0.84

02:00:10.000 Well, more importantly, it's not dudes running at you. 0.95

02:00:14.000 Full speed, yeah.

02:00:14.000 And then lunging their rock.

02:00:16.000 Yeah, and they have special shoes.

02:00:18.000 Launching themselves at you.

02:00:19.000 Special shoes so they can dig into the dirt better.

02:00:22.000 Yeah!

02:00:22.000 Come on, man.

02:00:23.000 And they're on every goddamn Mexican supplement known to man. 1.00

02:00:27.000 I mean, these motherfuckers, when they say that they test the NFL, yeah, they test if you talk shit and you get in an argument with somebody, they'll fucking pull your piss out and pull your card. 1.00

02:00:37.000 You think those guys aren't on the juice? 1.00

02:00:39.000 You gotta be out of your mind.

02:00:40.000 There's no way humans are that big. 1.00

02:00:42.000 If they are, we need to find out what the fuck they're putting in burgers. 1.00

02:00:45.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:00:47.000 Why have humans grown so much over the past few years?

02:00:50.000 And not lost any speed.

02:00:51.000 Over the past few decades.

02:00:52.000 Yes!

02:00:52.000 Not lost any speed!

02:00:53.000 They're just as fast.

02:00:54.000 Well, for sure there's better methods as far as training.

02:00:58.000 They're more scientific.

02:00:59.000 Yeah, but they're not that much.

02:01:00.000 I mean, that's the thing. 0.99

02:01:02.000 You can't be fucking 6'10". 0.99

02:01:04.000 Did you ever see Bob Sapp? 1.00

02:01:06.000 No.

02:01:06.000 You've never seen Bob Sapp?

02:01:07.000 Who is he?

02:01:09.000 Bob Sapp is the ultimate MMA experiment.

02:01:12.000 He was a football player, a pro football player, who became the ultimate MMA experiment in that how much can you do? 0.99

02:01:20.000 How much shit can you do? 0.99

02:01:22.000 How big can you get? 1.00

02:01:24.000 Would that overcome technique and skill?

02:01:28.000 And the answer in a lot of cases was in the beginning, it was yes.

02:01:31.000 He just knocked his out?

02:01:32.000 He actually, he knocked, he beat Ernesto Hust twice.

02:01:36.000 Ernesto Hust is his world famous kickboxer.

02:01:38.000 Right.

02:01:39.000 Bob Sapp is...

02:01:41.000 370 pounds with six-pack of abs.

02:01:45.000 Right.

02:01:45.000 And a body that doesn't even look real.

02:01:47.000 Just doesn't look real.

02:01:48.000 And he throws punches and kicks like a guy.

02:01:50.000 Just runs at a guy.

02:01:51.000 But it's coordinated.

02:01:53.000 Yeah.

02:01:53.000 I mean, fairly coordinated.

02:01:54.000 He was clearly many, many skill levels below Ernesto Hust.

02:01:58.000 But Ernesto Hust just couldn't deal with the physical power of his onslaught.

02:02:01.000 It was just too big.

02:02:02.000 It was a 370-pound man.

02:02:05.000 Those didn't exist before!

02:02:07.000 They didn't exist!

02:02:08.000 You can't get a guy that big!

02:02:10.000 If you see him, I'm going to pull it up because you just can't believe it.

02:02:14.000 You won't believe that that's a real human being.

02:02:18.000 You won't believe it.

02:02:20.000 Yeah, so I'm of the mind that it's going to...

02:02:23.000 It's going to...

02:02:26.000 You know those cryo chambers now?

02:02:29.000 Oh yeah, yeah.

02:02:30.000 I know dudes that, like the couple NBA guys, the Suns actually just bought one.

02:02:34.000 Yeah.

02:02:36.000 Hyperbaric chamber.

02:02:37.000 No, I don't think that's what it is.

02:02:39.000 It's a cryogenic chamber.

02:02:41.000 What?

02:02:41.000 For what?

02:02:42.000 Guys will freeze...

02:02:45.000 Kobe does it.

02:02:46.000 Dirk does it.

02:02:47.000 The Suns just bought one.

02:02:49.000 My buddy Blake Griffin does it.

02:02:51.000 And he sent me a video. 0.89

02:02:52.000 You get naked in a...

02:02:55.000 Basically looks like just a chamber from Austin Powers. 0.59

02:02:58.000 Come here real quick. 1.00

02:02:58.000 Come here and look at this because you can't believe this shit. 1.00

02:03:00.000 He frees yourself? 1.00

02:03:01.000 You can't believe that that's what he looks like when he fights guys.

02:03:04.000 That's real.

02:03:05.000 Look at that picture.

02:03:06.000 That's real.

02:03:07.000 That's real.

02:03:08.000 That's like 6'4", 370 pounds, and he's fighting some poor kickboxer.

02:03:13.000 Some poor dude is slinging gloves with that guy.

02:03:15.000 And that's what he does.

02:03:16.000 He gets on top of him, holds him down, and smashes him. 0.99

02:03:19.000 It's fucking insane. 0.99

02:03:21.000 Yeah, he did that to Ernesto Hoost. 0.99

02:03:24.000 I mean, you look at that image and you go, how is a human being that big?

02:03:28.000 They've never existed that big before.

02:03:30.000 Yeah.

02:03:31.000 So, you get into a chamber.

02:03:34.000 It's negative 300 degrees.

02:03:37.000 Whoa! 0.71

02:03:38.000 For how long?

02:03:38.000 For, like, 30-second spurts for, like, two minutes.

02:03:42.000 30 seconds?

02:03:43.000 Yeah.

02:03:44.000 I don't know if it's 30 seconds.

02:03:45.000 I could be dead wrong.

02:03:46.000 Jesus Christ!

02:03:47.000 And what happens is all of your blood...

02:03:50.000 Your body thinks you're just freezing to death, so all of your blood goes to your core and gets replenished in what would normally take 24 hours.

02:04:00.000 Whoa.

02:04:01.000 So, basically, you can work out twice.

02:04:04.000 You can do two four-hour workouts.

02:04:06.000 Full four-hour, like, rejuvenates your body.

02:04:12.000 I've never heard of this before.

02:04:13.000 Cryogenic chamber.

02:04:18.000 Do cryotherapy.

02:04:20.000 Kobe Bryant.

02:04:20.000 There's one in Hancock Park.

02:04:26.000 The guy has one.

02:04:27.000 And the NBA teams are starting to use them.

02:04:29.000 Well, you know, anything that can increase your recovery is where it's at.

02:04:32.000 Wow, freezes his body.

02:04:34.000 A negative 166 degree chirotherapy.

02:04:38.000 That's what I'm saying?

02:04:39.000 Cryotherapy.

02:04:40.000 Cryotherapy.

02:04:41.000 Wow, yeah, first article about it. 0.99

02:04:42.000 What the fuck, man? 0.99

02:04:44.000 Yeah, and you just... 1.00

02:04:45.000 It's like... 1.00

02:04:46.000 It's fucking bananas. 1.00

02:04:48.000 Bananas. 1.00

02:04:48.000 Wow. 1.00

02:04:49.000 This is nuts, man.

02:04:50.000 Let's see how long it says...

02:04:51.000 They got recovery boots, which is something that they wear if they have...

02:04:57.000 It basically is like the thing that when you get your heart rate checked, when they blow it up, it inflates and tightens your muscles...

02:05:07.000 The guys in the NBA wear those at night for a couple hours, and it just goes through their life.

02:05:15.000 They're just machines.

02:05:17.000 That's the thing.

02:05:18.000 They just treat themselves like machines.

02:05:20.000 Yeah, they have to be.

02:05:21.000 Okay, all the Lakers are going on this thing.

02:05:23.000 They went to Sacramento to go on this thing.

02:05:25.000 Yeah.

02:05:26.000 Wow.

02:05:27.000 Jesus.

02:05:27.000 Hold on, I have a video of it.

02:05:28.000 Do you really?

02:05:29.000 Yeah.

02:05:30.000 Not a lot. 1.00

02:05:31.000 What if that shit breaks and that's how you... 1.00

02:05:33.000 Some guy... 1.00

02:05:34.000 I heard some guy froze his socks to his feet, but that sounds like...

02:05:37.000 That sounds made up, doesn't it?

02:05:39.000 I want to know how long it goes for.

02:05:41.000 Oh, like if you had sweaty feet and you went in there. 1.00

02:05:43.000 Oh, you crazy bitch. 1.00

02:05:44.000 Could you imagine? 1.00

02:05:46.000 You crazy motherfucker. 1.00

02:05:48.000 200 degrees below zero, where they were kept there for three minutes before being released. 1.00

02:05:53.000 What?

02:05:55.000 Three minutes?

02:05:56.000 How's that possible?

02:05:58.000 Because they don't do it straight through.

02:06:00.000 I don't understand that. 0.98

02:06:02.000 They do it in spurts so that you don't fucking freeze. 0.95

02:06:05.000 Lakers were split into groups of four and placed into a room that was approximately 60 degrees below Fahrenheit for one minute. 0.97

02:06:13.000 Okay, so they went to a 60-degree-below-zero room for one minute.

02:06:17.000 Just to chill.

02:06:23.000 Where the temperature was approximately 200 degrees below zero.

02:06:29.000 Where they were kept there for three minutes before being released. 1.00

02:06:35.000 Jesus fucking Christ! 1.00

02:06:37.000 I would not want to do that. 1.00

02:06:38.000 How is that possible?

02:06:40.000 Alright, here's Blake.

02:06:41.000 Oh my god!

02:06:43.000 If you hit play. 1.00

02:06:44.000 So if you tried to pee right after that, would your shit be like slushy? 1.00

02:06:48.000 Who is this gentleman? 1.00

02:06:49.000 That's Blake Griffin from the Los Angeles Clippers. 0.99

02:06:54.000 Oh my god, he's freezing his dick off, literally. 0.99

02:06:56.000 Look at that. 1.00

02:06:58.000 Can you insulate your dick? 1.00

02:06:59.000 How's that work? 1.00

02:07:00.000 I don't think you can.

02:07:01.000 Grease it up?

02:07:01.000 Yeah, maybe you can grease it up.

02:07:03.000 I'm just worried about it cracking.

02:07:04.000 You need to put motor oil on it? 1.00

02:07:06.000 I'm worried about it cracking, like if someone hits you and it just shattered and they couldn't repair your dick. 1.00

02:07:09.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:07:10.000 No, but you see when it hits, he goes like, whoo!

02:07:14.000 Yeah, that looks horrendous. 1.00

02:07:16.000 It looks like some Austin Powers shit. 1.00

02:07:17.000 It looks horrendous. 1.00

02:07:18.000 And I guess they don't do it to the brain, though, huh? 0.99

02:07:23.000 Yeah, I guess keep your head the fuck out. 0.96

02:07:25.000 Yeah, it keeps the body under that thing, but they don't do it to the brain. 0.98

02:07:29.000 And I think that might be the key to your survival.

02:07:32.000 That's how you're getting through that.

02:07:33.000 This is crazy too.

02:07:34.000 Because you could probably go for that long without much oxygen.

02:07:37.000 You're not going to be doing too much breathing while you're at 200 degrees below zero.

02:07:42.000 That's the thing about cold water that fucks people up too.

02:07:45.000 Your desire for oxygen increases dramatically.

02:07:49.000 And your ability to hold air in your lungs reduces dramatically.

02:07:53.000 And these are the recovery boots.

02:07:55.000 And he's 6'10". 1.00

02:08:00.000 They look like fucking... 1.00

02:08:02.000 I don't even know how to describe those. 1.00

02:08:03.000 I've seen those before. 1.00

02:08:05.000 Ryan Parsons turned me on to that shit. 1.00

02:08:06.000 It's like compressing. 1.00

02:08:07.000 Yeah, it compresses sections of your leg.

02:08:09.000 Yeah, I've seen that before. 0.99

02:08:11.000 It looks like a fucking ski bag. 0.99

02:08:15.000 Yeah, these guys are athletes on a completely different level these days. 0.99

02:08:19.000 And what happens if they come up with genetic engineering, man?

02:08:23.000 That's when things are really going to get bizarre.

02:08:25.000 When they have the ability to engineer the body to make it faster with myostatin inhibitors, make it so that your body produces more muscle and keeps on you and your body oxygenates better.

02:08:38.000 Yeah, actually the thought where when I was talking to Jose Canseco, I was on the podcast, The Champs.

02:08:44.000 Yeah, how was that?

02:08:45.000 You said he was interesting.

02:08:46.000 It was great.

02:08:46.000 He was really interesting.

02:08:47.000 It just went up.

02:08:49.000 iTunes, the champs.

02:08:51.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:08:51.000 I had the thought afterward that they should have done a thing in the MLB where you could have a designated juicer where there was one guy on your team that you could bring in who was on fucking roids like that. 0.99

02:09:08.000 because he was saying that he used to knock pettit up and they were both juiced up oh so it's like it'd be like and here comes the fucking the yankees juicer like if they if there was a guy on every team you have one juicer When I was 19, I met Ken Seiko when I was working at the Boston Athletic Club.

02:09:29.000 I didn't meet him as much as I gazed upon his presence in person. 0.94

02:09:32.000 He was at the peak of his popularity.

02:09:36.000 He walked into the weight room at the Boston Athletic Club. 0.97

02:09:39.000 I couldn't fucking believe how big he was. 0.99

02:09:41.000 He was fucking enormous, man. 0.99

02:09:44.000 He's just... 1.00

02:09:44.000 Cartoonish. 1.00

02:09:45.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:09:46.000 Car-fucking-tunish. 0.98

02:09:47.000 You don't realize it when you see him in those baseball outfits. 0.98

02:09:49.000 Yeah.

02:09:49.000 Because those outfits are kind of emasculating.

02:09:52.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:09:52.000 But if you saw that dude with a tank top on, you'd go, what the fuck? 1.00

02:09:56.000 You'd be like, what am I... Yeah, what am I... How am I... Yeah. 0.99

02:09:59.000 He's enormous.

02:10:00.000 But yeah, that's the...

02:10:02.000 These... 1.00

02:10:02.000 Yeah, just they fucking... 1.00

02:10:03.000 Once they get into that... 0.99

02:10:05.000 Because this is...

02:10:06.000 That's genetic.

02:10:07.000 That's all legal.

02:10:08.000 You're just freezing.

02:10:09.000 But they're gonna...

02:10:10.000 It's gonna get...

02:10:11.000 More and more and more, and it's going to still remain legal.

02:10:15.000 Right.

02:10:16.000 Yeah, it is going to get more and more.

02:10:17.000 Did you see that thing now where they said if you run differently, you can cut your training time down, where if you run in 30-second sprints?

02:10:26.000 Did you see that?

02:10:27.000 It was in the New York Times, and then a guy just wrote a book about it.

02:10:29.000 You can burn the same amount of calories and get your metabolism going and get your heart rate going in basically six minutes, what would normally take 20 minutes.

02:10:40.000 If you sprint for 30 seconds, jog for 30. Sprint, jog, sprint, jog, sprint, jog, sprint, jog, and you're done.

02:10:47.000 Really?

02:10:48.000 Yeah.

02:10:48.000 Getting your heart rate up is the big thing, right?

02:10:50.000 It was in the Times probably six weeks ago.

02:10:52.000 So you sprint full clip?

02:10:54.000 Yeah.

02:10:54.000 So do you do this on a treadmill or do you do this on a track?

02:10:56.000 You can do it either.

02:10:56.000 I mean, I think treadmill would be better.

02:10:58.000 I guess you could probably do it on an elliptical machine too, right?

02:11:00.000 Just go crazy for 30 seconds and then jog.

02:11:04.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:11:06.000 That is great because it fucking saved time. 0.97

02:11:08.000 Yeah, that makes sense. 0.95

02:11:10.000 Like you were saying about kettlebells, you can bang out a workout and get it done.

02:11:14.000 In 20 minutes, you're done.

02:11:15.000 I got a video, man, and it's an Extreme Kettlebell Cardio DVD. I got it from dragondoor.com.

02:11:22.000 And when you do this thing, it's maybe... 0.98

02:11:25.000 I can get 45 minutes into this and I'm fucking dead. 0.98

02:11:29.000 I'm done, man. 1.00

02:11:30.000 I'm done.

02:11:30.000 Yeah, and you're in great shape.

02:11:31.000 I'm wrecked for days.

02:11:34.000 It's kettlebells, push-ups, burpees, more kettlebell.

02:11:39.000 But if you tell somebody, they go, how long is your workout?

02:11:41.000 Like 45 minutes max.

02:11:42.000 That's all I can do.

02:11:43.000 They're like, that's all you can do? 1.00

02:11:45.000 He goes to the gym for fucking two hours. 0.99

02:11:47.000 Did my lats, did the, yeah. 0.99

02:11:49.000 But you also don't even know what...

02:11:52.000 You ever do the thing with kettlebells where you're like, why is that sore? 0.92

02:11:55.000 I didn't even fucking do anything. 0.68

02:11:57.000 And your lower thigh will be sore. 0.97

02:12:00.000 And you're just like, I guess I did something.

02:12:01.000 It makes it use.

02:12:03.000 Turkish get-ups, you ever do those? 1.00

02:12:05.000 Is that the one that looks really stupid? 1.00

02:12:07.000 No, you lie on your back and you do like a press. 1.00

02:12:10.000 I think that's the one where you go and then you like slowly stand up. 1.00

02:12:13.000 It looks stupid as fuck. 1.00

02:12:15.000 Oh, it's the best thing ever. 1.00

02:12:15.000 No, it looks really hard, but you just lay on your back with a weight and then you just slowly stand up. 1.00

02:12:20.000 Let me tell you something, dude.

02:12:21.000 Do that with 70 pounds.

02:12:22.000 Hold 70 pounds up and slowly stand up and do it in a controlled manner and do it for like sets of 10. Woo doggy, Jed!

02:12:30.000 Woo doggy! 0.63

02:12:32.000 I'm not doing that. 0.99

02:12:33.000 Your body be on fire.

02:12:34.000 Your lower back and your abs and everything.

02:12:36.000 Your arm, your shoulder, everything's on fire.

02:12:38.000 Have you been doing kettlebells or did Ferris get you on them?

02:12:41.000 No, I've been doing them for years.

02:12:43.000 I've been doing them for a long time. 0.99

02:12:44.000 I got into them like my friend Jamie was a personal trainer and he was real big on these fucking things. 0.95

02:12:51.000 I'd never even heard of him before. 0.97

02:12:53.000 We started just doing swings.

02:12:54.000 Just kettlebell swings are amazing. 1.00

02:12:56.000 That's what's great for your ass. 1.00

02:12:58.000 That's what took my ass from a 3.5 to a 7. How many do you do? 1.00

02:13:02.000 What do you do?

02:13:03.000 How do you do it? 1.00

02:13:03.000 Fucking three sets of 60. Oh, you do lightweight and just do a lot of them? 1.00

02:13:08.000 Do you ever do bodyweight squats?

02:13:09.000 No, but I am only 150 pounds, so if I do 30 pounds, it's not lightweight.

02:13:16.000 It's like something.

02:13:17.000 If you're doing reps of 60, that's a lot.

02:13:19.000 And that's not even necessary.

02:13:22.000 Bodyweight squats.

02:13:22.000 They're amazing, man.

02:13:24.000 They're called Hindu squats.

02:13:25.000 If you look at it online, just Google Hindu squats on YouTube.

02:13:30.000 It's just full bodyweight.

02:13:31.000 You drop down and your heels come off the ground and you're on the tip of your toes and your ass and your ankles collide and then you stand all the way up. 0.83

02:13:40.000 So you drop all the way down and all the way up.

02:13:42.000 If you watch it online, you can see there's a lot of...

02:13:46.000 videos that'll show you the correct way to do it it's real simple but once you understand the movement then it's all about just doing massive numbers of them trying to get as how many what's it i do a set of 200 it took a long time to get there though i started it would be 100 and i would have to stop i could do 200 before but i had to take like a break but now i can do 200 straight 200's hard, but I'm doing 210 now.

02:14:09.000 That's my next thing.

02:14:09.000 I want to do 210. I want to build up to 500. That's what I want to eventually do.

02:14:13.000 Yeah, but I think that's possible.

02:14:15.000 I think it's a good demonstration of willpower, too.

02:14:20.000 It's a good exercise for me.

02:14:22.000 Because I like to disassociate when I'm doing repetitive exercise things that can cause you to second-guess yourself.

02:14:28.000 Right.

02:14:28.000 About the exercise?

02:14:30.000 Yeah, about the exercise.

02:14:31.000 About quitting.

02:14:32.000 Intense, physical.

02:14:33.000 I mean, nobody's in my room.

02:14:35.000 Nobody's screaming at me.

02:14:35.000 I don't have a drill sergeant.

02:14:37.000 It's just me. 0.95

02:14:37.000 So the way I motivate myself is I make myself do shit where I have to silence that voice of quitting where there's no getting through it unless we do 400. That's what we're doing. 0.95

02:14:50.000 There's nothing.

02:14:51.000 Just concentrate on the number and keep going.

02:14:53.000 There is no quitting.

02:14:54.000 It doesn't exist.

02:14:55.000 And as long as I never quit when I'm doing that, then that is just my modus operandi.

02:15:01.000 That's how I operate. 0.99

02:15:02.000 And I do it as like an exercise of not thinking about negative shit. 0.99

02:15:07.000 Yeah? 0.99

02:15:08.000 Just, I know now, if I smoke one cigarette, I'm gonna smoke 10,000.

02:15:13.000 So I just gotta stop.

02:15:14.000 How long did you smoke for?

02:15:16.000 10 years.

02:15:17.000 I was just like, I'm never smoking.

02:15:18.000 I just made the decision, I'm never smoking again.

02:15:20.000 How much better did you feel when you stopped?

02:15:23.000 It was 10 years ago, so I don't even remember.

02:15:26.000 But yeah, you feel way better.

02:15:27.000 More energy, more everything.

02:15:31.000 And you just go like, okay, I'm not going to smoke again.

02:15:35.000 Somebody talk to poor Brian.

02:15:37.000 Poor Brian.

02:15:38.000 Someone's got to tell him to quit smoking.

02:15:40.000 You smoking?

02:15:41.000 Just decide not to, man.

02:15:42.000 You're right.

02:15:43.000 He won't listen to you.

02:15:45.000 He doesn't care.

02:15:46.000 He's positive.

02:15:48.000 He's never getting cancer.

02:15:49.000 There's no worries.

02:15:50.000 I use it for my voice.

02:15:52.000 Keeps him sexy.

02:15:53.000 Does it keep you sexy?

02:15:54.000 My voice, yeah.

02:15:56.000 And actually, I use it for meals.

02:15:57.000 Like today, I'm not even going to have a chance to eat today.

02:15:59.000 That's a good move.

02:16:02.000 That's for sure healthy.

02:16:03.000 Now that I agree with.

02:16:04.000 You won't even be able to fight off the cancer.

02:16:05.000 That's something I can get behind.

02:16:06.000 Your body's not even going to be healthy enough to fight off the cancer because you use it as a dietary aid.

02:16:10.000 I gotta take a leak.

02:16:12.000 I gotta take the king of all leaks.

02:16:13.000 Alright, go ahead.

02:16:14.000 And we'll talk about you where you're going.

02:16:15.000 Go ahead. 0.99

02:16:16.000 And we'll wrap this shit up as soon as you get back. 0.99

02:16:18.000 Because we've been doing it for like two and a half hours, right? 0.99

02:16:20.000 Yeah.

02:16:21.000 We have a nice house show.

02:16:22.000 Oh yeah, we're in Pasadena in a couple hours if you're around. 0.77

02:16:27.000 If you're not crazy or a stalker.

02:16:29.000 Can't wait to see Tom Segura again.

02:16:31.000 I haven't seen him in a while. 1.00

02:16:32.000 Tom Segura's a shit. 0.99

02:16:33.000 He's a great guy. 1.00

02:16:34.000 Fort Lauderdale, this weekend.

02:16:36.000 Saturday night is essentially sold out.

02:16:41.000 I think there was a few tickets left for the early show, but those might be gone.

02:16:46.000 And the Friday show has some tickets left, and the Sunday show has some tickets left.

02:16:52.000 But they're going fast.

02:16:53.000 It should be a good time, too. 0.99

02:16:55.000 I'm with Duncan, and Duncan's been in the fucking groove. 0.95

02:16:57.000 I took him with me to the Louisville Improv and it was amazing. 0.98

02:17:01.000 First of all, he was getting like standing ovations going on stage.

02:17:04.000 Is he doing hobo?

02:17:05.000 Which is crazy.

02:17:05.000 He didn't do the little hobo once.

02:17:07.000 He crushed it though.

02:17:08.000 He's got a lot of new material too.

02:17:10.000 Duncan is just, he's so fun to be with.

02:17:12.000 He's so prolific too.

02:17:14.000 He's going to be a great comedian now.

02:17:17.000 I mean, he's already a great comedian, but I mean, I think he's going to be like a great national headliner.

02:17:20.000 Until he meets that next girl.

02:17:22.000 You think that's going to get him?

02:17:24.000 You think that's going to get him?

02:17:26.000 No.

02:17:26.000 He has a poster for sale.

02:17:28.000 Go to his website and buy it.

02:17:29.000 It's awesome.

02:17:29.000 I have one in the studio.

02:17:31.000 DuncanTrestle.com.

02:17:32.000 T-R-U-S-S-E-L-L. And there's still some tickets available for next Friday's Late Show.

02:17:39.000 At the Tabernacle in Atlanta.

02:17:40.000 I got two shows.

02:17:41.000 I'm filling my special. 0.98

02:17:42.000 I'm fucking fired up. 0.94

02:17:44.000 Who's all going? 0.96

02:17:45.000 And that's April 20th.

02:17:46.000 Joey, Diaz, Duncan, Trussell.

02:17:50.000 Are you going?

02:17:50.000 Yeah.

02:17:51.000 Okay.

02:17:52.000 Did they get you your tickets and everything already?

02:17:53.000 You're all set?

02:17:54.000 Yeah.

02:17:54.000 And Mike Maxwell actually made a poster, and he's going as well.

02:17:57.000 And you could buy that poster, I think, on Max...

02:18:00.000 What is it?

02:18:01.000 MikeMaxwellArt.com?

02:18:02.000 MikeMaxwellArt.com, I think.

02:18:03.000 Yeah, you can find him on Twitter.

02:18:04.000 Yeah, he'll be there tonight, too.

02:18:05.000 I'm going to sign some pictures.

02:18:06.000 Are we doing dates right now?

02:18:08.000 Yeah, Mike Maxwell Art on Twitter.

02:18:10.000 You can find the link to his website and on his website you can find the link to the poster.

02:18:15.000 It looks dope.

02:18:16.000 He's a killer artist.

02:18:17.000 He did my poster for the Chicago show.

02:18:19.000 I think he still has a few of those available too.

02:18:21.000 He's amazing.

02:18:22.000 Great art and a great guy.

02:18:23.000 Really fun guy to hang out with.

02:18:24.000 So I'm psyched that he's going to be there in Atlanta.

02:18:26.000 Good vibes!

02:18:27.000 Can I say my thing?

02:18:29.000 Me and Joey Diaz are coming to Columbus, Ohio.

02:18:31.000 The first show sold out so they added a second show May 17th.

02:18:35.000 You're in the Woodlands?

02:18:36.000 Yeah.

02:18:37.000 Great.

02:18:37.000 It's a good room.

02:18:38.000 It's a good room, right?

02:18:38.000 Yeah.

02:18:39.000 May 18th, I think we're in Cleveland and May 19th, Pittsburgh.

02:18:43.000 The tickets are at DeathSquad.tv.

02:18:45.000 Now, what is the Woodlands?

02:18:47.000 What is that?

02:18:47.000 It's this kid.

02:18:48.000 It's like just a bar, but it's got a good room for stand-up.

02:18:51.000 Yeah, it's got a pretty decent room for stand-up.

02:18:52.000 Good showroom for stand-up, yeah.

02:18:54.000 It's like a Doug Stanhope room.

02:18:55.000 That kind of place.

02:18:57.000 And they're doing a lot of comedy there?

02:18:59.000 Yeah, I think so.

02:18:59.000 Yeah, it's good.

02:19:00.000 Dylan Shelton books it.

02:19:01.000 And he does good shows.

02:19:03.000 Columbus has a bit of a comedy scene, right?

02:19:05.000 Mostly because of the punchline.

02:19:06.000 Mostly because people want to die there and they just want to laugh.

02:19:09.000 Wow.

02:19:10.000 Is it that bad?

02:19:11.000 If you were to go...

02:19:12.000 I know.

02:19:13.000 Columbus isn't...

02:19:13.000 Dude, Columbus...

02:19:14.000 I was just in Ohio.

02:19:16.000 I was in Cincinnati. 1.00

02:19:18.000 That shit was pretty grim. 1.00

02:19:19.000 Yeah, Cincinnati was grim. 1.00

02:19:21.000 And Chappelle lives in Ohio.

02:19:22.000 He was so bored that he's like, dude, why don't you return your rental car so I can drive you from Cincinnati to Cleveland?

02:19:29.000 Yeah.

02:19:30.000 I was like, that's alright, man.

02:19:32.000 Why does he live there?

02:19:34.000 Because his family's there.

02:19:35.000 It's a nice place for families.

02:19:37.000 Yeah, it's like raising kids is a good place.

02:19:39.000 Not a good place for you, though.

02:19:42.000 I just don't like wet the weather.

02:19:43.000 But if you were to go there, Joe...

02:19:45.000 You like dating way over your head.

02:19:47.000 It's just really difficult to do there.

02:19:49.000 Yeah, you can't do that.

02:19:50.000 Nobody's in good shape.

02:19:52.000 They're all in bad shape.

02:19:53.000 There's a few of them.

02:19:54.000 I mean, they got boyfriends.

02:19:56.000 They all come to the show and they're locked up.

02:19:58.000 You know, guys, since we're talking about dates...

02:20:00.000 What, Neil Brennan?

02:20:01.000 Are you performing tomorrow?

02:20:03.000 Tomorrow, April 12th through 14th, I'm going to be in Bloomington, Indiana.

02:20:08.000 The Comedy Attic.

02:20:09.000 We'd love to see it.

02:20:10.000 The Comedy Attic in Bloomington, Indiana.

02:20:12.000 Is there a website for this joint?

02:20:14.000 ComedyAttic.com.

02:20:16.000 ComedyAttic?

02:20:16.000 Attic.

02:20:17.000 A-T-T-I-C. Oh, Attic. 0.98

02:20:19.000 Yeah, ComedyAttic.

02:20:21.000 ComedyAttic.com.

02:20:23.000 April, but it doesn't end there.

02:20:25.000 April 19th through 21st.

02:20:27.000 That's next week.

02:20:27.000 I'm going to be at the Stress Factory in New Brunswick, New Jersey.

02:20:31.000 Wow.

02:20:31.000 Guys, with Vinnie Brand, 19th through 21st.

02:20:34.000 Great room.

02:20:35.000 Great club.

02:20:36.000 Charlotte, May 3rd through 5th.

02:20:39.000 The Comedy Zone in Charlotte. 1.00

02:20:42.000 Don't you have a website, motherfucker? 0.99

02:20:43.000 Just give out the website. 1.00

02:20:44.000 What?

02:20:45.000 NeilBrennan.com.

02:20:46.000 I'm coming to La Jolla, Denver, Charlotte. 0.99

02:20:48.000 He's going to lead off his whole goddamn thing. 1.00

02:20:50.000 Well, you guys fucking... 1.00

02:20:50.000 If he kept going, he would have... 1.00

02:20:52.000 Fuck you guys! 1.00

02:20:53.000 Fuck you, Joe Rogan! 1.00

02:20:54.000 We let him keep going. 1.00

02:20:55.000 We'd be here for days.

02:20:56.000 You were talking about your posters.

02:20:57.000 Yeah, MacMaxwellArt.com.

02:21:01.000 Anything else?

02:21:01.000 Seriously?

02:21:02.000 Mm-mm.

02:21:03.000 NealBrennan.com?

02:21:04.000 DenverLaJoya.

02:21:04.000 Yeah, NealBrennan.com.

02:21:06.000 And follow me on Twitter.

02:21:07.000 You're doing the Comedy Store in La Jolla?

02:21:09.000 Yeah.

02:21:09.000 Fabulous room.

02:21:10.000 One of the best.

02:21:10.000 One of my favorite rooms.

02:21:11.000 Maybe my favorite room in the world.

02:21:12.000 It might be.

02:21:13.000 It might be one of the best rooms ever.

02:21:14.000 I really want to record an album there because it feels like 1978 there.

02:21:18.000 It does.

02:21:19.000 Nick DiPaolo recorded his album there.

02:21:20.000 Did he really?

02:21:21.000 Yeah, it's great.

02:21:22.000 His first one, I believe, he recorded it there.

02:21:25.000 It's great. 0.99

02:21:25.000 Fucking the acoustics are perfect. 0.99

02:21:27.000 Yeah, it's easy, too. 0.99

02:21:30.000 But it's easy, but it doesn't feel cheap.

02:21:32.000 It feels like we're just in a good mood.

02:21:35.000 You didn't know Fred.

02:21:36.000 You never met Fred, who, I think Fred's dead, who used to run that place.

02:21:41.000 They fired him, some, I don't know, some accounting discrepancy or something.

02:21:45.000 But he was great.

02:21:46.000 He was a comedian, and he ran the place, and he developed a lot of local comedians were coming there too.

02:21:51.000 They had a nice local scene.

02:21:53.000 I think they still do.

02:21:54.000 Yeah, I think they do.

02:21:55.000 Yeah.

02:21:56.000 It's probably one of the few local scenes in San Diego.

02:21:59.000 There's another club, a new club.

02:22:00.000 They just opened one.

02:22:01.000 Yeah, what is it?

02:22:02.000 The American Comedy Company or something?

02:22:03.000 Is that what it is?

02:22:04.000 I think that's what it is.

02:22:04.000 I heard good things.

02:22:05.000 Yeah, I haven't heard anything.

02:22:06.000 Dude, San Diego's needed a real comedy club for a while.

02:22:09.000 Yeah.

02:22:09.000 Every time I go, I do like House of Blues or something like that.

02:22:12.000 San Diego?

02:22:12.000 Yeah.

02:22:13.000 I like the comedy store.

02:22:14.000 It's a good room.

02:22:15.000 No, it's a great room, but it's not in San Diego.

02:22:17.000 It's close enough, but you know what I mean.

02:22:20.000 But, you know, the problem is it's the comedy store and I can't work there.

02:22:24.000 Sure you can. 1.00

02:22:25.000 You fucked up. 1.00

02:22:26.000 You fucked up, Rogan. 1.00

02:22:27.000 You fucked up. 1.00

02:22:28.000 Sure you can. 1.00

02:22:29.000 I'm here to tell you you still can't work there.

02:22:30.000 I probably could if I wanted to, but I can't work there.

02:22:33.000 I tell you what, I think we should just get drunk and then one night just pop in there out of the blue.

02:22:39.000 What, do you want to go to jail?

02:22:40.000 Jump on the OR. Do you want to go to jail?

02:22:42.000 They will let you in.

02:22:42.000 Yeah, I don't think so.

02:22:44.000 Yeah, it will.

02:22:44.000 I'm not even interested.

02:22:45.000 I have zero desire.

02:22:46.000 But thank you very much.

02:22:47.000 That place represents...

02:22:48.000 Your name's on the marquee at the Laugh Factory, right?

02:22:51.000 Holla.

02:22:51.000 Right now.

02:22:51.000 Next to me, Joe.

02:22:53.000 Where?

02:22:53.000 Laugh Factory?

02:22:54.000 No.

02:22:55.000 No?

02:22:56.000 No.

02:22:57.000 No.

02:22:57.000 You're not Jimmy Brogan?

02:22:59.000 I'm kidding.

02:22:59.000 Somebody sent me a picture of your name and my name.

02:23:02.000 Where?

02:23:02.000 The Laugh Factor.

02:23:03.000 No, I don't have a show scheduled there.

02:23:05.000 I haven't been there in over a decade.

02:23:07.000 Yeah, I don't think you've ever been there since I've known you.

02:23:09.000 Yeah, I haven't been there in over a decade.

02:23:12.000 Not that it's a bad club.

02:23:13.000 No, no, no.

02:23:13.000 I'm just trying to think why it said that.

02:23:15.000 I stopped going to The Laugh Factor when I got serious at the comedy store, when I was like, You know, regularly at the Comedy Store, Mitzi asked me to not go there anymore.

02:23:23.000 I forget.

02:23:24.000 It wasn't Mitzi.

02:23:24.000 It was Scott Day, actually.

02:23:26.000 You know, did I tell you about this?

02:23:27.000 How Sam Tripoli started doing the naughty show at the Comedy Store, and it started getting kind of popular, and then What's-His-Face at the Laugh Factory started doing the naughty show also.

02:23:39.000 So Sam went to him and was like, why are you...

02:23:41.000 He calls it the Naughty Show?

02:23:42.000 Yeah, and he's like, why are you doing it?

02:23:43.000 He's like, oh, I used to do Naughty Show in the 80s.

02:23:46.000 And I'm like, yeah, but you only brought it back because we just started it back up here.

02:23:50.000 Jimmy Brogan.

02:23:51.000 Sorry.

02:23:51.000 It was Jimmy Brogan.

02:23:52.000 Oh, okay.

02:23:53.000 Back up.

02:23:53.000 So what you're saying is the dude is doing another podcast and calling it the Naughty Show?

02:23:57.000 No, no, no.

02:23:57.000 Not another podcast.

02:23:58.000 He's doing another live comedy show with strippers and everything like that called the Naughty Show.

02:24:03.000 And he's calling it the Naughty Show?

02:24:03.000 Yeah, the Naughty Show.

02:24:04.000 And it's doors down from the comedy store where Sam now does it.

02:24:08.000 Well, I want to be honest with you.

02:24:09.000 I think that's a terrible name. 1.00

02:24:11.000 And I think it only serves Sam right that he picks such a stupid name for his show. 1.00

02:24:16.000 And what he really should do is use this opportunity to come up with something that doesn't suck. 0.99

02:24:21.000 And that way some guy can't just gank it. 0.99

02:24:23.000 I think you should call it Sex Squad. 1.00

02:24:29.000 I think we get out on that. 1.00

02:24:30.000 The Naughty Show is a fun show to go to, but that's a terrible goddamn name. 0.98

02:24:34.000 Well, it's just kind of basic. 0.98

02:24:36.000 It's nothing.

02:24:37.000 It means nothing.

02:24:37.000 It needs to just be called Naughty.

02:24:39.000 The Sam Tripoli Happy Party!

02:24:41.000 Yeah, something like Sam Tripoli.

02:24:42.000 He should be using it to blow up himself, not the Naughty Show.

02:24:46.000 I agree.

02:24:46.000 Sam Tripoli's House of Fun.

02:24:48.000 That would be just as good.

02:24:49.000 And by the way, still use the same mailing list, dude.

02:24:51.000 We'll promote it, alright?

02:24:52.000 Sam, we're going to help you out of this mess. 1.00

02:24:54.000 Fuck Jamie Masato. 1.00

02:24:56.000 Let him have that shit. 1.00

02:24:57.000 Buddy, I was doing it in the 80s. 1.00

02:25:00.000 That's probably what he said to you.

02:25:01.000 Buddy, I had not this show in the 80s.

02:25:04.000 Let him have it, dude. 0.98

02:25:05.000 Just like you should have let those girls have sex squad. 1.00

02:25:07.000 Let him have it. 0.99

02:25:08.000 Let him have it. 1.00

02:25:09.000 It sucks. 1.00

02:25:10.000 I think he'll let him choke on it. 1.00

02:25:12.000 Let him have it.

02:25:13.000 Let him know everywhere they go that they could never have had it without you.

02:25:16.000 How about that?

02:25:17.000 The scrum cap is the name of that thing I was trying to describe.

02:25:20.000 Oh, I know what you're talking about.

02:25:22.000 A rugby.

02:25:22.000 Yeah.

02:25:23.000 I wear one of those jiu-jitsu.

02:25:24.000 It's got little pads on it, but it's mostly to cover my ears.

02:25:27.000 Yes.

02:25:27.000 Yeah.

02:25:28.000 Yeah, you'll die in that. 1.00

02:25:30.000 Those fucking giant dudes will smash your head into you on purpose. 1.00

02:25:32.000 But not if they're not wearing one. 1.00

02:25:35.000 That's how they play.

02:25:35.000 You're not going to get people to adjust.

02:25:37.000 You're going to have to raise a whole new generation of human beings.

02:25:39.000 Yeah, they will.

02:25:39.000 They're going to have to have helmeted and non-helmeted.

02:25:42.000 But then there's going to be that one thick-headed dude, like some big Samoan guy who just wants to headbutt people. 1.00

02:25:47.000 Why are you throwing me under the bus about this sex spot thing? 0.99

02:25:50.000 I'm not throwing you under the bus.

02:25:51.000 You said you wanted to do the first episode and you told me to do it.

02:25:54.000 I think you should have no negative feelings out there.

02:25:58.000 I agree with that.

02:25:59.000 This girl's... 0.87

02:26:00.000 Look, for whatever reason, she's got a lot of issues. 0.94

02:26:04.000 I just think that could have been avoided.

02:26:07.000 And you could have come off like a bigger person.

02:26:09.000 That's all I'm saying.

02:26:10.000 But...

02:26:12.000 You're absolutely right.

02:26:13.000 Listen, Brian, you're not being honest about that.

02:26:17.000 I said, I'll do your new show.

02:26:19.000 No, you said you need to do one ASAP and I'll be the first person on it.

02:26:23.000 And I was like, okay.

02:26:23.000 And you know what?

02:26:24.000 That was before I found out the other girl came up with the name.

02:26:26.000 No, I told you that too.

02:26:28.000 That was the first time I told you that.

02:26:29.000 No, no, no.

02:26:31.000 You told me later.

02:26:32.000 You told me later.

02:26:33.000 You absolutely told me later.

02:26:34.000 Because I had to give you a wait a minute.

02:26:37.000 Wait a minute.

02:26:38.000 You hit him with a wait a minute?

02:26:39.000 No, I told you that the first time I said it.

02:26:42.000 You might have thought you did, but you didn't.

02:26:44.000 No, I did.

02:26:45.000 Brian?

02:26:45.000 Because I've never not said I didn't come up with a name, Joe.

02:26:47.000 You call me a liar?

02:26:48.000 What are you saying?

02:26:49.000 Joe.

02:26:49.000 This is poor social skills here.

02:26:50.000 All right, never mind.

02:26:51.000 What are you, Asian?

02:26:52.000 That's not talking.

02:26:53.000 So tonight, Ice House Chronicles starts at 8.30. 1.00

02:26:55.000 You're being a silly person. 0.99

02:26:57.000 Okay. 0.99

02:26:58.000 I think you should let those girls have that name. 1.00

02:27:01.000 Come up with a better name. 1.00

02:27:02.000 They should ride in hell. 0.99

02:27:05.000 They live in the hell of their own consciousness if they're angry at you. 0.99

02:27:08.000 That's right.

02:27:08.000 You don't want that, buddy.

02:27:10.000 You don't want her out there with a voodoo doll. 1.00

02:27:12.000 Because she'd be putting the pins all around your dick. 1.00

02:27:13.000 No, I just don't even want to talk about them ever again. 1.00

02:27:15.000 Give her a big hug.

02:27:17.000 What would be a better name than Sex Squad, Neil?

02:27:19.000 You're a creative guy.

02:27:20.000 You were the co-creator of The Chappelle Show.

02:27:23.000 If you had a show and you wanted to come up with your own podcast with hot chicks and What would you call it? 1.00

02:27:30.000 I think he's got a...

02:27:31.000 I like the squad angle. 0.98

02:27:33.000 Because it's a death squad, and it's about sex, and it's a podcast about sex. 0.97

02:27:36.000 I know. 0.99

02:27:37.000 Let's talk about something else. 1.00

02:27:38.000 How about the cunt posse? 0.99

02:27:40.000 No? 0.99

02:27:41.000 No.

02:27:41.000 Hmm.

02:27:42.000 Hmm.

02:27:43.000 How about the we like cock patrol?

02:27:45.000 Yeah, that I'm with.

02:27:46.000 No?

02:27:47.000 No?

02:27:48.000 Are you still there?

02:27:50.000 It's funny that so many podcasts are going to try to lean in on that porn angle, though, isn't it?

02:27:54.000 It's interesting.

02:27:55.000 It's like a natural angle.

02:27:56.000 We've had porn stars on our podcast.

02:27:58.000 It's hard to have a bad... 0.89

02:27:59.000 We had Sasha Gray on. 0.95

02:28:01.000 She's with a black dude. 0.99

02:28:02.000 And it's fucking interesting. 0.99

02:28:05.000 She's fascinating because she's actually smart. 0.99

02:28:07.000 Yeah.

02:28:07.000 Dana D'Armada's smart, too.

02:28:09.000 She's crazy, but she's fun. 1.00

02:28:10.000 She's very smart.

02:28:11.000 We had her on.

02:28:12.000 Yeah, Sasha's like a regular cool chick. 0.99

02:28:14.000 Yeah, isn't that weird?

02:28:15.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:28:16.000 Regular cool chick that somehow or another is missing this fuse where she can just go taking the ass in front of the world. 1.00

02:28:22.000 What's weird is it's the oldest formula in radio, having a porn star on a show as a guest, like Howard Stern, Opie and Anthony, any kind of local radio station will always have a porn star on. 0.99

02:28:34.000 But that was even before you actually got to see it.

02:28:37.000 Which is crazy.

02:28:38.000 So now you got like Ustream, we're doing...

02:28:40.000 Like the other Naughty show we had the other day, we had full on nudity.

02:28:42.000 I had to take it off Ustream because it was just ridiculous. 0.89

02:28:44.000 How dare they?

02:28:45.000 What'd they do? 1.00

02:28:46.000 Dirty bitches trying to get you arrested. 1.00

02:28:47.000 By the way, you might get arrested for shit like that. 1.00

02:28:50.000 You have to really be careful. 1.00

02:28:51.000 When you get those crazy bitches and they start fingering each other... 1.00

02:28:53.000 You can go to jail for that. 1.00

02:28:55.000 Is that true? 1.00

02:28:55.000 Fuck yeah. 1.00

02:28:56.000 You can't just broadcast pornography. 1.00

02:28:59.000 Sam Tripoli's naughty show.

02:29:01.000 First of all, Ustream will pull you because they don't want to get sued.

02:29:04.000 But if someone finds out that you're projecting...

02:29:07.000 If they find out that there's any sort of significant percentage of people on Ustream that are showing people fucking, oh my god, they didn't go to jail.

02:29:14.000 Here's a question. 0.98

02:29:14.000 Because they actually weren't really too much of the nudity, but they took these stickers and put it on their boobs... 0.98

02:29:20.000 And then they did the whole podcast with the stickers on the boot. 0.73

02:29:23.000 Oh, that's fine.

02:29:24.000 You think that's fine?

02:29:24.000 That's fine.

02:29:25.000 That's one of those weird double standard things.

02:29:26.000 That's so weird.

02:29:27.000 The boob meat is fine. 0.97

02:29:28.000 Yeah, boob meat is fine, but you've got to cover the nipple. 1.00

02:29:31.000 Yeah, and I think you only need to cover the point of the nipple. 1.00

02:29:35.000 I think you could show some areola. 0.98

02:29:36.000 Show areola.

02:29:37.000 Really?

02:29:37.000 If you have a star over the nipple itself, but the circle of the areola behind the star is very clear, I think it's still okay.

02:29:45.000 It's so nuts. 0.95

02:29:46.000 We're so crazy. 0.67

02:29:48.000 Human beings are so bizarre. 1.00

02:29:50.000 Excuse me, Americans. 0.76

02:29:51.000 American human beings, yeah. 0.57

02:29:52.000 When it comes to sex. 1.00

02:29:54.000 We're so nuts. 1.00

02:29:56.000 You could put a star over the nipple. 0.99

02:29:59.000 Well, how about even this?

02:30:00.000 How about girls who are allowed to wear body paint? 1.00

02:30:02.000 They're fucking naked! 1.00

02:30:03.000 They're naked, but because they're blue, it's okay. 1.00

02:30:06.000 I wonder if you could put a nipple sticker on top of a nipple. 1.00

02:30:09.000 Do you know what I mean?

02:30:10.000 Like a sticker with a picture of a nipple on it. 0.92

02:30:14.000 With like an ape nipple. 0.99

02:30:15.000 I saw a photo from a friend of mine's Halloween party that he had a few years back where a bunch of girls came over with body paint on. 1.00

02:30:21.000 And one girl's tits were dogs. 1.00

02:30:24.000 But they were tits! 1.00

02:30:25.000 They were just tits with paint on them. 1.00

02:30:27.000 And every girl knew it. 1.00

02:30:29.000 And he said... 0.99

02:30:30.000 Girls that were there that were dressed normal were so fucking pissed. 1.00

02:30:34.000 They were so angry. 1.00

02:30:35.000 They're like, who are these fucking whores? 1.00

02:30:37.000 Like, we don't know that you're naked, you stupid bitch. 1.00

02:30:40.000 And you get fucking paint on your tit and you think that that's okay? 1.00

02:30:43.000 Being shown up. 1.00

02:30:43.000 It was amazing. 1.00

02:30:44.000 What about mannequin nipples? 0.99

02:30:46.000 What about mannequin nipples? 1.00

02:30:48.000 Because now I've got those mannequins and they all have big nipples. 1.00

02:30:50.000 No, those are totally kosher. 0.91

02:30:51.000 Yeah, it's not even real.

02:30:52.000 It's like, you know, animated.

02:30:53.000 If you drew an animated nipple, what are you going to say?

02:30:56.000 Nobody can say anything, I don't think. 0.57

02:30:57.000 I don't think that even counts as pornography.

02:30:59.000 It's definitely not mannequins, man. 0.96

02:31:01.000 I mean, mannequins, it's not like a sex toy. 0.97

02:31:03.000 If you had like a real doll in the background and you could see the real doll's tit, that's probably, that's tricky. 0.96

02:31:09.000 But not a mannequin, right?

02:31:11.000 Yeah, but even the fact that it's like...

02:31:13.000 I actually asked this to a bunch of female audience one time. 1.00

02:31:17.000 Like, if there were robots, like good robots in the future, and you caught your husband fucking a robot, would you be mad? 0.99

02:31:27.000 Right. 0.99

02:31:27.000 And they were like, yeah. 0.99

02:31:28.000 And I was like, but what if it looked like, if it was like a real doll?

02:31:31.000 And I was like, what if it looked like the Terminator?

02:31:34.000 Right.

02:31:34.000 They had no problem with that.

02:31:36.000 Yeah, I think as long as there's an ugly robot. 1.00

02:31:39.000 Well, that's why people are weirded out if you fuck a fleshlight, but they're not weirded out if you masturbate. 1.00

02:31:44.000 You actually fuck something. 1.00

02:31:45.000 A physical object, it has to be awesome. 1.00

02:31:48.000 It can't be a fake pussy in a tube. 1.00

02:31:50.000 What is that? 1.00

02:31:51.000 What are you doing? 1.00

02:31:52.000 What if in the future you had a robot that looked exactly like yourself, but that you fucked? 1.00

02:31:56.000 I agree. 1.00

02:31:58.000 It's not gay at all.

02:32:00.000 Hey, listen, I don't want to impose my sexuality on the rest of the world, and I don't want to treat women as objects, so I would never have a fake woman. 1.00

02:32:09.000 So in having a fake me, essentially what I'm doing is I'm taking the hit.

02:32:13.000 I'm taking the hit myself. 1.00

02:32:14.000 With a vagina. 1.00

02:32:15.000 And I'm just knowing that if I was in jail with me, I'd be a bro, I'd let you fuck me. 1.00

02:32:20.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:32:20.000 That would be so weird seeing yourself. 1.00

02:32:22.000 Do they have? 0.50

02:32:23.000 How about kissing yourself? 0.96

02:32:24.000 What if your fake robot has like an awesome tongue? 0.99

02:32:26.000 It's like, oh, I love kissing you. 0.98

02:32:28.000 You're pushing your own head down. 1.00

02:32:29.000 You sucked it. 1.00

02:32:30.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:32:30.000 Alright, I'll suck your dick. 1.00

02:32:32.000 I'm your robot. 1.00

02:32:33.000 It's me, bro.

02:32:34.000 It's me.

02:32:34.000 It's me, dude.

02:32:35.000 How do you like it?

02:32:36.000 Oh, I know how you like it.

02:32:36.000 I'm you.

02:32:38.000 And on that note, Brian, I'm sorry if you feel like I threw you under the bus with a sex squad thing.

02:32:44.000 I didn't mean to, buddy.

02:32:46.000 I don't want you to have any hard feelings.

02:32:47.000 I'm just trying to eliminate negativity in all of our lives.

02:32:50.000 I hear you, brother.

02:32:51.000 And I've never had a bad time with either one of those girls.

02:32:54.000 I've always had fun with them.

02:32:55.000 They're always nice to me.

02:32:56.000 So I hate to see something that I think could have been possibly avoided.

02:33:00.000 By just a nice phone call, right, Joe? 0.98

02:33:03.000 Hey, man, I don't know what the fuck happened, for real. 0.98

02:33:05.000 I just... 0.98

02:33:06.000 There's no need.

02:33:08.000 There's a lot of real beefs out there in this world.

02:33:10.000 There's a lot of real drama.

02:33:11.000 You don't need to...

02:33:12.000 Unnecessary.

02:33:13.000 White! 0.98

02:33:14.000 Word! 1.00

02:33:15.000 All right, you fucking dirty freaks. 1.00

02:33:17.000 That's the end of this week, this whole week of podcasts. 1.00

02:33:20.000 Fort Lauderdale Improv this weekend with Duncan Trussell Thursday, Friday, no, Friday, Saturday, Sunday.

02:33:25.000 And then we'll be back next week with at least one podcast, but next week I'm filming my special in Atlanta.

02:33:32.000 Are you really?

02:33:32.000 Congrats, man.

02:33:32.000 Yes, thank you.

02:33:34.000 The Tabernacle on Friday, so I'm going to be concentrated on that almost more than anything.

02:33:38.000 And that's it.

02:33:39.000 All right.

02:33:39.000 Love you guys.

02:33:39.000 See you soon.

02:33:40.000 Bye-bye.

02:33:41.000 Bye.

02:33:41.000 Did you do the commercial?

02:33:42.000 Oh, yeah.

02:33:42.000 Oh, I got to do commercials.

02:33:44.000 Oh, yeah.

02:33:44.000 Onnit.com has a new...

02:33:45.000 We have a new thing for the next 30-something hours.

02:33:50.000 The promo code is CRAVE, and you get 21% off.

02:33:55.000 Go to...

02:33:56.000 Thanks to the Fleshlight, go to Fleshlight.com.

02:33:58.000 Enter in Rogan, get 10% off, and Onnit.com.

02:34:03.000 Is also code word ROGAN and you get...

02:34:06.000 No, Fleshlight, you get 15%.

02:34:07.000 On it, you get 10%.

02:34:08.000 But forget that ROGAN code.

02:34:10.000 Use the CRAVE code and you get 21% off.

02:34:13.000 Boom! 0.99

02:34:14.000 There. 1.00

02:34:14.000 That's it, you dirty freaks. 1.00

02:34:16.000 We'll see you tonight at the Ice House. 0.99

02:34:17.000 See you this weekend in Fort Lauderdale.

02:34:19.000 See you next week.

02:34:20.000 Some strange podcast.

02:34:23.000 And then the tabernacle.

The Joe Rogan Experience - April 12, 2012

Joe Rogan Experience #205 Neal Brennan

Episode Stats

Summary

Transcript