The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #2066

00:00:13.000 What's up, man?

00:00:15.000 Ralph Barboza on the way up.

00:00:16.000 What's happening?

00:00:17.000 Hey, it's good to be here.

00:00:18.000 Good to have you, man.

00:00:20.000 I hear good things about you.

00:00:21.000 I was just talking to Brian Simpson about you today.

00:00:23.000 I'm a huge Brian Simpson fan.

00:00:25.000 I love that dude.

00:00:25.000 We were working out today and he was saying great things about you.

00:00:29.000 No offense to Brian Simpson, but he works out?

00:00:35.000 I never thought I'd hear it like that.

00:00:38.000 He does now.

00:00:40.000 Hell yeah.

00:00:41.000 Yeah, he's been working out with me for three weeks now.

00:00:43.000 I got a little comedy boot camp going on over here.

00:00:46.000 Yeah?

00:00:46.000 Yeah, Shane Gillis, Duncan Trussell, Hassan Ahmad, Brian Simpson, and me, we get together and get some workouts in.

00:00:55.000 All those guys are living down here?

00:00:58.000 Yeah, they're all living down here.

00:00:59.000 That's dope, man.

00:01:00.000 Austin's pretty dope.

00:01:01.000 Austin's dope right now.

00:01:02.000 Hell yeah.

00:01:02.000 It's a great spot.

00:01:04.000 I popped in here yesterday to Austin, and I feel like I didn't used to be able to do this, but yeah, it was dope, man.

00:01:13.000 I got to go do a spot at the creek, and then I got to go to your spot, got to do the little boy.

00:01:18.000 Nice.

00:01:19.000 Yeah, it's been dope, man.

00:01:20.000 Yeah, it's fun.

00:01:22.000 Austin's like, it's a new thing.

00:01:24.000 It's like an exciting thing.

00:01:26.000 Yeah.

00:01:26.000 You know, it used to be like, before COVID, Austin was, as far as Texas goes, Austin was like the place to go if you were too scared to like go to New York or LA. People were like, just go to Austin, you know?

00:01:38.000 It stayed busy.

00:01:39.000 But it was also like very woke.

00:01:41.000 And so you had to be like real careful.

00:01:43.000 And now it's like, nah, it's just, yes.

00:01:47.000 It's buck wild.

00:01:47.000 I like that.

00:01:48.000 Yeah, it's buck wild.

00:01:50.000 Yeah, well, you know what it is?

00:01:51.000 It's Kill Tony.

00:01:53.000 Because Kill Tony's here, that show, it sets the standard.

00:01:57.000 Because it's all just about being funny.

00:01:59.000 And people realize, like, this idea that you're supposed to have some sort of fucking social message in your comedy.

00:02:08.000 Yeah.

00:02:09.000 I also think it's just a lot of Californians and New Yorkers as well.

00:02:14.000 Because everybody started moving down here to be able to actually be on stage from New York or LA during COVID. And yeah, I feel like when they got here, they were like, you know, be careful.

00:02:25.000 But everybody from California and New York was just like, no.

00:02:29.000 Well, it depends on where you're from.

00:02:32.000 There's pockets of people that are enchanted by the wokeness in all sections of the country.

00:02:40.000 It depends.

00:02:41.000 If you're coming from the Comedy Store, it's just about being funny.

00:02:44.000 But if you're coming from some of the other clubs in LA, maybe it's not.

00:02:48.000 It's Hollywood, man.

00:02:50.000 It's like movies and TV. They're all run by executives and you have to think like they think or you don't get hired.

00:02:56.000 Well, I think another reason that it got so bug wild, though, is because during COVID, If you were coming here, it's because you were already like, man, fuck the fucking COVID rules.

00:03:07.000 You know what I mean?

00:03:07.000 If you're really that safe person, you're probably also that woke comedian.

00:03:11.000 So I feel like those people stayed back while everybody who was ready to get bug wild came down to bug wild town and got bug wild.

00:03:18.000 I think you nailed it.

00:03:20.000 Yeah.

00:03:20.000 I think you nailed it.

00:03:21.000 Because the people that came here were like, fuck this.

00:03:24.000 Fuck telling me that I can't do stand-up.

00:03:26.000 Fuck telling me I can't go to a restaurant.

00:03:28.000 Yeah.

00:03:28.000 Especially when you go on the road and you realize that if you just live in LA and you never leave LA, you think the world is LA. And then you go to Nashville and you go, oh, they haven't lost their mind.

00:03:38.000 They didn't lose their mind in Nashville.

00:03:40.000 They were normal.

00:03:41.000 Like you go to Dallas.

00:03:42.000 They didn't lose their mind in Dallas.

00:03:44.000 People kind of got a little freaked out for COVID for a couple of weeks and everybody sort of just settled in.

00:03:50.000 California never settled in, man.

00:03:52.000 It never settled in.

00:03:53.000 It's still there.

00:03:54.000 I've been seeing people with masks on this week.

00:03:58.000 I see that a lot too.

00:03:59.000 I remember when I came down to Austin a few times during COVID, to a lot of the comics from LA, you were like, Jesus Christ.

00:04:08.000 They were waiting on you to ride with your club, dude.

00:04:13.000 I was like, you guys are putting too much pressure on Joe Rogan, man.

00:04:15.000 It's a lot of pressure, bro.

00:04:16.000 I think it's not all LA comics, but there were a few that maybe felt like the Austin comics weren't showing love to the LA comics.

00:04:26.000 They were like, man, they put us last on the mics.

00:04:27.000 They don't book us on the shows.

00:04:29.000 LA comics got to do our own thing.

00:04:31.000 But they were like, just wait, man.

00:04:32.000 I heard a couple guys say this.

00:04:34.000 They were like, just wait, man.

00:04:35.000 When Joe opens up his club, it's over.

00:04:38.000 We'll be back on top.

00:04:40.000 But I feel like you brought everybody together, man.

00:04:42.000 Yeah, everybody should be together.

00:04:45.000 This is a fun artist community, and it should be fun for everybody.

00:04:49.000 There's no us versus them.

00:04:51.000 Shut up.

00:04:51.000 We're all comics.

00:04:53.000 Stop with the silliness.

00:04:54.000 The Austin comic, LA comic, New York comic.

00:04:57.000 I think it was only for a little bit during COVID when everybody's just rushing in.

00:05:00.000 Everybody was freaking out just about change in the world.

00:05:04.000 There was a lot of weird shit going on in the world, and everybody had a higher level of anxiety.

00:05:09.000 To take a chance when you're young and you're coming up and everybody tells you LA is where you have to be.

00:05:14.000 Are you a 27, 28-year-old comic?

00:05:17.000 Oh my god, you gotta get to LA. That's what I had always heard.

00:05:20.000 You gotta get to LA. You gotta get to LA. It's not the case anymore.

00:05:24.000 That's not real anymore.

00:05:25.000 The thing that helps you more than anything is podcasts.

00:05:29.000 That's the thing that helps you more than anything.

00:05:31.000 Number one, social media, podcasts.

00:05:35.000 Look how big you got so quick from a couple clips.

00:05:40.000 Just a couple clips.

00:05:41.000 You know it as well as anybody.

00:05:43.000 If you've got good shit, now it gets out.

00:05:46.000 There is not a TV show in the world that would have done that for you.

00:05:50.000 You would have had to be the star.

00:05:52.000 If you were living in the 90s, you'd have to be the star of some NBC sitcom to sell the kind of tickets you're selling right now.

00:05:58.000 Just from clips online.

00:06:00.000 It's beautiful.

00:06:02.000 For comedians, it's the greatest thing that's ever happened.

00:06:07.000 I feel like it's letting people decide who gets to blow up.

00:06:13.000 You know what I mean?

00:06:16.000 Like, I don't know what it used to be like, because I wasn't there.

00:06:19.000 But I feel like it used to be the industry kind of decides when you get your break or not.

00:06:23.000 Like, do they put you on this show or that movie?

00:06:25.000 They sort of do, but stand-up has always, at least partially, been a meritocracy.

00:06:32.000 The quality of your stand-up is the most important thing.

00:06:35.000 Whether or not people are laughing.

00:06:36.000 It's always been the most important thing.

00:06:39.000 So if someone is undeniable, they always come through.

00:06:43.000 They always come through.

00:06:44.000 But they also have to be a hard worker.

00:06:48.000 There's too many guys that are really good that just go to one club or they don't go on the road.

00:06:56.000 There's too many guys that like they missed this window of opportunity where they could have been like real national headliners and they just never developed a following out there in the world.

00:07:07.000 They fucked up.

00:07:08.000 100%.

00:07:09.000 I know a handful of comics like back home or in New York or LA who I feel like are some of the funniest people in the world and don't have a lick of work ethic so the world will never know.

00:07:21.000 It's horrible.

00:07:22.000 But some of them, it's not the work ethic.

00:07:25.000 Some of them get jobs, like in the business, like they're writers or like Owen Smith, who is one of the top 20 stand-up comics alive.

00:07:34.000 Owen Smith is a fucking killer.

00:07:36.000 His shit is so tight.

00:07:39.000 He's so smooth on stage.

00:07:41.000 You look at him, you're like, how is this guy not selling out arenas?

00:07:45.000 How is this guy not selling out arenas?

00:07:47.000 It's because Owen had great jobs.

00:07:49.000 He got a bunch of great jobs.

00:07:51.000 Like, he runs sitcoms and stuff, runs shows, he's a writer.

00:07:55.000 But goddamn, when you look at the quality of his stand-up, like, man, you should be everywhere.

00:08:00.000 You should be everywhere.

00:08:02.000 I mean, to each their own.

00:08:03.000 If he's happy, he's happy, right?

00:08:05.000 Yeah, I think the writer's strike probably freaked him out.

00:08:08.000 I think the writer's strike and the actor's strike freaked a lot of those guys out.

00:08:11.000 They're like, oh, shit.

00:08:12.000 Because if they just pulled a plug for five, six months...

00:08:16.000 In some sort of contract negotiations, like some of those executives were literally saying, wait these people out when they start losing their homes.

00:08:24.000 Yeah, I saw that.

00:08:25.000 That's some cutthroat shit.

00:08:26.000 That's wild.

00:08:28.000 Imagine if you got to go to work with those people after that.

00:08:31.000 Imagine you know that's how they feel about you.

00:08:33.000 I couldn't do that.

00:08:34.000 I mean, I already didn't go that route.

00:08:36.000 I don't know if I could ever go that route.

00:08:38.000 You could have gone that route in the 90s.

00:08:40.000 In the 90s?

00:08:41.000 It was the only option, man.

00:08:43.000 In the 90s, when I first came to Hollywood in 94, that was what everybody wanted.

00:08:48.000 You wanted what Jerry Seinfeld had.

00:08:50.000 You wanted what Roseanne had.

00:08:52.000 It was Brett Butler, who was that show called again?

00:08:56.000 Grace Under Fire.

00:08:57.000 That was a big show.

00:08:58.000 Tim Allen.

00:08:59.000 You wanted to be a comic that got a sitcom.

00:09:01.000 That was the shit, dude!

00:09:03.000 If you were a comic that got a shit sitcom, now you got a house in Beverly Hills, you're fucking born out of control, you're driving a Ferrari, woo!

00:09:10.000 You made it.

00:09:11.000 That's what everybody wanted.

00:09:12.000 This was like the goal, right?

00:09:14.000 Yeah.

00:09:14.000 And somewhere along the line, I think it was like the 2000s, reality shows came around.

00:09:21.000 Everybody wanted a reality show?

00:09:23.000 They're so cheap to make.

00:09:25.000 They're so cheap to make.

00:09:27.000 And you don't, I mean, you have like, you barely pay the people that are on them.

00:09:31.000 Like all those Real Housewives and shit, they're not like making millions of dollars, I don't think.

00:09:35.000 You think they are?

00:09:36.000 I don't know.

00:09:37.000 How much does they make?

00:09:38.000 Now I'd like to know just so I can talk shit to them.

00:09:41.000 I think maybe the new ones do.

00:09:43.000 Obviously the Kardashians make a shitload of money, but I think they own their show.

00:09:48.000 But what about like...

00:09:49.000 The point is they're way easier to make than a sitcom.

00:09:53.000 Way easier.

00:09:54.000 Like Fear Factor was complicated in the stunts and all the stuff they had to do, but you don't have to write a script.

00:10:01.000 All that stuff plays out On its own.

00:10:04.000 It's like people competing.

00:10:05.000 It plays out.

00:10:06.000 The drama just happens.

00:10:08.000 And you have good editing, good music, and all that shit.

00:10:11.000 But it's sitcom, man.

00:10:12.000 To write a good one?

00:10:13.000 Bro, that shit is brutal.

00:10:15.000 Yeah, props to writers, man.

00:10:17.000 Props to writers.

00:10:18.000 Props to writers.

00:10:18.000 I don't know.

00:10:19.000 TV in general just kind of scares me.

00:10:21.000 Acting, writing.

00:10:22.000 I don't know.

00:10:23.000 You're just so...

00:10:26.000 Attached to other people's opinions of you.

00:10:30.000 You're constantly getting chosen for stuff.

00:10:34.000 I feel like even though I've never done that, I do get tired of comments.

00:10:39.000 I know they say never read the comments, but I'll read them.

00:10:42.000 But it'll be like, I can take a joke, I can take getting roasted, especially if it's people who follow me.

00:10:48.000 It kind of feels like, oh, well, I mean, they follow.

00:10:50.000 It's some sort of support.

00:10:51.000 It feels like you're getting roasted by, like, your cousin.

00:10:53.000 Like, hey, still on my team, fuck it.

00:10:55.000 But the ones that, like, piss me off, like, I don't know why they shouldn't, but they just throw me over there.

00:11:00.000 It's like, I want to fucking hit this guy in the face.

00:11:02.000 It's like, if I just left, like, let's say I did Miami last month.

00:11:09.000 Or, like, two weeks ago.

00:11:10.000 And then I post, like, a flyer for next month's shows.

00:11:15.000 And people are like, what the fuck, you avoiding Miami?

00:11:18.000 I'm like, hey, dumbass, I was just there, like, two weeks ago.

00:11:20.000 Like, when'd you start following me, asshole?

00:11:22.000 Like, stop making me look like I don't show your shitty love.

00:11:26.000 You can't pay attention to that.

00:11:27.000 That's just someone who doesn't look at schedules.

00:11:29.000 I hate it.

00:11:30.000 Yeah, but that's a crazy person.

00:11:33.000 That's a lack of information.

00:11:34.000 Yeah, but I don't know why.

00:11:35.000 I stopped checking social media.

00:11:36.000 I'll check it like once.

00:11:39.000 Throughout the day.

00:11:40.000 And if I happen to catch your message or your comment, I catch it.

00:11:44.000 If not, fuck it.

00:11:45.000 Like, tomorrow.

00:11:45.000 You know what it's like, man?

00:11:46.000 It's like when you're out at, like, a party or a club or something like that.

00:11:51.000 And someone yells across you.

00:11:54.000 Yo, what's up, Ralph?

00:11:56.000 Yeah.

00:11:56.000 You know, and you're like, hey, what's up, man?

00:11:57.000 He goes, dude, I'm a fan.

00:11:59.000 What's up?

00:11:59.000 How you doing?

00:12:00.000 Then he'll give you some love.

00:12:01.000 But he's like checking you to see if you'll like react to him.

00:12:04.000 Bro, somebody...

00:12:05.000 That's kind of what they're doing in the comments.

00:12:07.000 What, you don't come to Miami?

00:12:08.000 Man, yeah.

00:12:09.000 Somebody tried to do that in like, I think it was Denver.

00:12:12.000 I was already pretty drunk and I was tripping off mushrooms, man.

00:12:15.000 Ha ha ha!

00:12:16.000 And I was like in a playful mood.

00:12:18.000 I can't help it.

00:12:19.000 And some guy stopped me while I was walking out of the club.

00:12:23.000 And he was like, yo, Ralph?

00:12:26.000 And I don't know why my first reaction instantly was just to be like, yo, Rodrigo?

00:12:31.000 And I didn't know who he was or nothing.

00:12:33.000 I was just like, huh?

00:12:34.000 Like, we're guessing people's names now?

00:12:37.000 And he just like, he went blank face.

00:12:39.000 He's like, what?

00:12:39.000 Yeah.

00:12:41.000 And I was like, I'm fucking with you, man.

00:12:42.000 I was like, what's your name?

00:12:43.000 And he was like, Eric or something.

00:12:45.000 I was like, yo, Eric?

00:12:47.000 And then I was like, nice to meet you, bro.

00:12:49.000 And I was like, my bad, man.

00:12:50.000 I just walked off.

00:12:51.000 And when we were outside, man, it was like snowy, icy.

00:12:56.000 We're outside.

00:12:57.000 And that same, I'm pretty sure it was that same dude.

00:12:59.000 He was like, hey, Ralph.

00:13:00.000 He's like, man, you pussy, bro.

00:13:02.000 And I was like, what's up?

00:13:04.000 I was like, what's your deal, bro?

00:13:05.000 What's going on?

00:13:06.000 I had a feeling like he was, because he was still real smiley.

00:13:09.000 I had a feeling he was just fucking me or something.

00:13:11.000 I was like, what's up man?

00:13:12.000 What's your deal?

00:13:12.000 He's like, what?

00:13:13.000 I was like, what's up bro?

00:13:14.000 What's your deal?

00:13:15.000 He's like, what's my deal?

00:13:16.000 And I felt so cool because I was smoking a cigarette.

00:13:20.000 I was like, what you want to do, bro?

00:13:22.000 And my friend Luis was really drunk.

00:13:24.000 That dude just loves to fight.

00:13:26.000 Luis pointed at my buddy Vince, who's like the nerdiest guy in the world.

00:13:30.000 He's a writer for that show This Fool.

00:13:32.000 Super nerdy guy with glasses.

00:13:33.000 He's like, you see this guy, bro?

00:13:34.000 He knows MMA. He doesn't, though.

00:13:36.000 I don't think Vince has ever been in a fight.

00:13:39.000 That dude was like, nah, I'm fucking with you, man.

00:13:41.000 I'm sorry, bro.

00:13:41.000 I'm sorry.

00:13:42.000 But I was just kind of waiting for him to come at me.

00:13:45.000 Usually, if I get into a fight, I'm going to get the first hit.

00:13:48.000 I'm a small dude.

00:13:49.000 I'm not going to risk getting knocked out on the first punch.

00:13:51.000 I'm not like, if he hits me, then I'll hit him.

00:13:53.000 If there's a fight that's going to happen, I'm fucking swinging first.

00:13:56.000 I'm going to lose either way, most likely, but I'm going to at least start swinging first before you knock me out.

00:14:00.000 But I wanted him to come to me because it was so snowy and icy.

00:14:03.000 I was like, if I start walking and I fucking slip, I want him to risk slipping first before I risk slipping.

00:14:10.000 Yeah, ice fighting is not smart.

00:14:12.000 Yeah, it was the day before the Netflix special came out, so I was like, I'm not going to have a video of me getting knocked out in the ice come out the day before the special.

00:14:20.000 You have to know jujitsu if you're going to fight in the ice.

00:14:24.000 100%.

00:14:24.000 Yeah?

00:14:25.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:14:26.000 If you're fighting someone on a slippery surface, all you have to do is grab them, and you're both going to the ground.

00:14:31.000 Alright, I'm going to keep that in mind.

00:14:33.000 Yeah, but don't fight.

00:14:35.000 Don't fight, man.

00:14:36.000 Don't fight on ice.

00:14:37.000 I feel like it's coming.

00:14:38.000 Don't fight with mice.

00:14:39.000 I'm getting heated just talking about this.

00:14:41.000 Don't fight, Ralph.

00:14:42.000 You're a wild young kid.

00:14:44.000 Don't do it.

00:14:44.000 You got a great career.

00:14:45.000 Don't fight.

00:14:46.000 Don't be fighting people.

00:14:47.000 If you want to fight, go to a gym.

00:14:49.000 I went to a boxing gym for a little bit earlier this year.

00:14:53.000 I went for like two months.

00:14:54.000 That'd be good for you.

00:14:55.000 Yeah, I liked it.

00:14:56.000 I want to do something different, though.

00:14:58.000 Boxing is one of the very best things ever for relieving tension.

00:15:05.000 If you're fucking tense, you got too much going on in your world, man, you just put on some good tunes.

00:15:11.000 I have a Wu-Tang playlist that I play when I hit the bag.

00:15:15.000 I'd go like early...

00:15:18.000 Like early in the morning for like private sessions.

00:15:20.000 And that's what I would put on some Wu-Tang, some RZA. RZA specifically.

00:15:24.000 He has that one song that like, you can't stop me now.

00:15:27.000 It's like a boxing classic.

00:15:29.000 RZA's got so many jams.

00:15:31.000 But for me, number one is protect your neck.

00:15:35.000 That has to be on every playlist.

00:15:38.000 And...

00:15:40.000 That's like when we would drive to the arena shows and we'd sometimes get a police escort and there's something wild about cop cars with flashing lights and you're listening to protect your neck.

00:15:52.000 Nice.

00:15:55.000 I've never had a police escort, but one time in a parking lot, I had a security guard escort.

00:16:00.000 They have the yellow lights.

00:16:02.000 Those aren't as threatening or as fun, the yellow lights.

00:16:04.000 No, that's not as fun.

00:16:05.000 You need blue lights.

00:16:06.000 It was also like a shopping center parking lot.

00:16:11.000 It's not exactly an arena.

00:16:13.000 Dude, some of the best comedy clubs ever in those little shopping center mall places.

00:16:17.000 Little fucking clubs that you would never imagine were great.

00:16:22.000 You know?

00:16:22.000 Little funny bones?

00:16:24.000 Yeah, man.

00:16:25.000 Shit, there's some...

00:16:26.000 I've never been to that one that's at the Mall of America, but I heard that's dope, too.

00:16:30.000 That was, like, the first club I got to do, like, when I started hitting the road.

00:16:36.000 That was, like...

00:16:37.000 Or second club.

00:16:38.000 I don't know.

00:16:39.000 It was like November, like early November of 2022. Are you from Dallas?

00:16:42.000 Are you from Dallas?

00:16:42.000 So, like, Minnesota winter is a different thing, man.

00:16:46.000 Oh, I loved it.

00:16:47.000 I love the cold.

00:16:48.000 I'm tired of the heat.

00:16:49.000 Yeah, I'm so sick of the heat.

00:16:50.000 Oh, that's funny.

00:16:51.000 I finally had a reason to wear a jacket.

00:16:54.000 See, I grew up in Boston.

00:16:56.000 Ah, so you're used to the cold.

00:16:57.000 It's cold as fuck in Boston.

00:16:59.000 And I'm like, fuck the cold.

00:17:01.000 Dude, you can heat me up.

00:17:03.000 That doesn't bother me at all.

00:17:05.000 I know people die in the cold.

00:17:07.000 People die in their car in the cold.

00:17:11.000 Yeah.

00:17:12.000 In the heat, all you have to do is get in the shade, get water, don't be stupid, be in reasonably good shape, and you can get away with it.

00:17:21.000 If there's like woods and you have water, if it's the cold...

00:17:25.000 You're fucked.

00:17:27.000 But I love it, man.

00:17:28.000 I'm skinny.

00:17:28.000 I just layer up.

00:17:30.000 We're like two, three jackets.

00:17:31.000 Oh, that's great.

00:17:32.000 As long as there's a place to get warm.

00:17:34.000 That's the thing.

00:17:35.000 You can't survive unless you can get warm.

00:17:37.000 That's the difference.

00:17:39.000 Everybody's worried about global warming.

00:17:42.000 Global cooling is what freaks me out.

00:17:44.000 Ice ages freak me out.

00:17:45.000 Yo, when Texas froze a couple years ago, I was, I was somebody, I think I was watching like a video on Instagram, somebody was just like, if climate change like keeps getting worse, that will happen, but like for longer periods of time, or for like colder temperatures.

00:18:02.000 If that's true, then yeah, I'm pretty scared.

00:18:04.000 Bro, that's all guesswork.

00:18:05.000 Everyone's guessing.

00:18:07.000 Yeah.

00:18:07.000 There's definitely an impact.

00:18:08.000 It's undeniable that human beings have an impact.

00:18:13.000 But here's the problem.

00:18:14.000 The climate is never the same.

00:18:17.000 It's never steady forever.

00:18:19.000 If you go back to like 1934 in, I think it was Wyoming, got to like 118 degrees.

00:18:29.000 Holy shit.

00:18:30.000 Yeah, something crazy like that.

00:18:32.000 God, I don't remember where I saw this.

00:18:35.000 I guess that's why they call it climate change.

00:18:37.000 It's because of the Dust Bowl.

00:18:38.000 The Dust Bowl.

00:18:40.000 What was that?

00:18:41.000 I always hear about that.

00:18:42.000 Climate change.

00:18:43.000 The dust bowl.

00:18:46.000 I mean, this is not exactly what it was, but a lot of it was the bad farming and drought.

00:18:49.000 It caused a bunch of bad crops, and they all turned to, like, shit.

00:18:53.000 They turned to dust.

00:18:54.000 And it created giant dust storms all over the, like, western part of the country.

00:18:58.000 And that heated things up?

00:18:59.000 It led to a bunch of shit in the air that, like, caused problems with the storms and the sun, and it definitely did heat things up.

00:19:04.000 I bet they thought the world was ending right then and there.

00:19:07.000 That's wild.

00:19:08.000 But anyway, the point is, if you go back in time, you know, when they do these things called core samples.

00:19:15.000 So they take this giant slab of the earth, you know, hundreds of feet down.

00:19:20.000 And through that, you can, you know what, they do carbon testing.

00:19:24.000 So they know, like, this is from a thousand years ago, this is from two thousand years ago.

00:19:29.000 When they do that, it's all over the place, man.

00:19:32.000 They have these charts of the temperature of the earth throughout history.

00:19:36.000 Have you ever seen them?

00:19:37.000 They go like this all over the place, even before people.

00:19:42.000 It's always been wacky.

00:19:44.000 I'm learning a lot, man.

00:19:45.000 Learning about Hollywood in the 90s and climate change.

00:19:48.000 Bro, I'm here to teach.

00:19:50.000 This is such a one-sided podcast, man.

00:19:53.000 It's not even fair.

00:19:54.000 No, it's not.

00:19:55.000 Come on, man.

00:19:56.000 It's not, dude.

00:19:56.000 I was thinking about that on the way over here.

00:19:58.000 It's a conversation, brother.

00:19:59.000 It is, but do you realize how this is...

00:20:03.000 Bro, it's not even fair, bro.

00:20:05.000 I have everything to gain here.

00:20:07.000 Like me...

00:20:09.000 I'm 27, right?

00:20:11.000 Right.

00:20:11.000 And, you know, you're Joe Rogan.

00:20:13.000 You got the experience.

00:20:14.000 You got the podcast.

00:20:16.000 You got all this knowledge in the world of comedy business.

00:20:18.000 If I just listen, I'm gonna learn some shit today.

00:20:22.000 But you, you gotta talk to like a 27-year-old.

00:20:25.000 Like, what do you even talk about?

00:20:26.000 Like, everything we've talked about, I'm learning.

00:20:28.000 This is my first time.

00:20:29.000 Come on, man.

00:20:30.000 I love what you're doing right now.

00:20:31.000 I really do.

00:20:32.000 I love comics on the rise.

00:20:34.000 It's exciting to me.

00:20:35.000 Oh, comedy's fun.

00:20:36.000 I love comedy.

00:20:37.000 I love good comics.

00:20:39.000 And I love when people get better at shit.

00:20:42.000 And I love watching it.

00:20:43.000 I really do.

00:20:44.000 I love watching people crack.

00:20:46.000 It's fun.

00:20:47.000 I'm definitely trying to get better.

00:20:49.000 You're fucking great, man.

00:20:50.000 You're funny as shit.

00:20:51.000 You're cool.

00:20:51.000 You're relaxed.

00:20:53.000 You're smooth on stage.

00:20:54.000 You've got a lot going for you, man.

00:20:56.000 And I love it.

00:20:57.000 Sometimes I won't be smooth on stage.

00:20:59.000 Sometimes I'll have a burst of energy and I'll let it out and I'll have fun that way.

00:21:03.000 And I can tell some of the audience is like, ah, this is fun.

00:21:06.000 And some of them think I'm on drugs because they've never seen that.

00:21:09.000 They're like, he's coked out.

00:21:11.000 I'm not a coke guy, though.

00:21:12.000 I'm not.

00:21:13.000 I want people to know that.

00:21:14.000 If you've ever seen me on stage and I'm not, like, super mellow and I'm actually energetic, just know it's not drugs.

00:21:19.000 Mushrooms, maybe.

00:21:20.000 Not anything else, though.

00:21:21.000 Yeah.

00:21:22.000 I know a few guys who had problems with coke who did coke and then did stand-up, and they said it fucked their stand-up up.

00:21:31.000 Yeah, I bet.

00:21:32.000 I'm sober on stage like 98% of the time.

00:21:36.000 Yeah, you're smoother that way.

00:21:38.000 I like a drink.

00:21:39.000 I like a drink every now and again.

00:21:41.000 A little puff and a drink.

00:21:43.000 Sometimes you need that just to kind of lose like...

00:21:45.000 Just to get in the fun mood.

00:21:47.000 Just we're having fun, you know?

00:21:49.000 Yeah, for sure.

00:21:50.000 Sometimes you might be a little stressed, depending on what's going on in your day or your week, and you need, like, a shot, a couple hits to, like, take that off a little bit.

00:21:59.000 Just take that edge off and just say, come on, Ralph, enjoy this shit.

00:22:02.000 You're on a fun ride.

00:22:03.000 Yeah.

00:22:03.000 Let's go.

00:22:05.000 I just...

00:22:06.000 I try to chill sometimes just because I know that if I do start drinking, I'm not going to stop.

00:22:10.000 Like, I'm not a few beers in the night.

00:22:13.000 If I have two shows, I might drink a beer or two before the second show.

00:22:17.000 I might drink another couple beers on the stage.

00:22:19.000 But I'm also, like, when I'm on...

00:22:23.000 Like the West Coast, from Texas to the West, my audiences are like 100% Mexican.

00:22:28.000 Like there's no type of mix.

00:22:29.000 And if you drink in front of a non-Mexican crowd, they're just going to keep like, chug, chug, chug.

00:22:34.000 And there's no satisfying them.

00:22:36.000 I learned my lesson.

00:22:38.000 If you chug one, you'll have to chug another.

00:22:40.000 If you chug the next one, you'll be eight beers in wanting to throw up on stage.

00:22:44.000 More dudes are going to bring you beers.

00:22:45.000 Let me get him one too.

00:22:47.000 Yeah, so like, I won't drink on stage.

00:22:50.000 If I do, I'll let them know like, I'm not fucking, you're not doing this to me.

00:22:54.000 Yeah, they can take you down a rabbit hole.

00:22:56.000 But after the show, if I already started drinking after the show, I'll keep it going.

00:23:01.000 Mitzi's is a fun place to be after the shows.

00:23:04.000 Where?

00:23:04.000 Mitzi's.

00:23:05.000 The bar downstairs at the mothership.

00:23:07.000 Oh, yeah?

00:23:07.000 Tonight.

00:23:07.000 Tonight after the shows, we're going downstairs.

00:23:09.000 Alright, alright.

00:23:10.000 It's great.

00:23:11.000 Whole staff's partying.

00:23:12.000 Mitzi's.

00:23:12.000 Just hanging out.

00:23:13.000 Yeah.

00:23:13.000 It's a great vibe.

00:23:14.000 It's a real great sense of community and home.

00:23:19.000 You know, that it's a real, like, home base.

00:23:23.000 You know?

00:23:23.000 You need home bases when you're on the road a lot.

00:23:26.000 I do.

00:23:26.000 I think you do, too.

00:23:27.000 Keep you human.

00:23:28.000 That's what we used to have at the store.

00:23:29.000 It was a home base.

00:23:30.000 All these guys that would tour on the weekends, we'd all meet each other at the bar, at the bar downstairs.

00:23:36.000 It was a comedian's only bar.

00:23:37.000 It was this beautiful bar, and the bar itself was Mitzi's.

00:23:42.000 It was from her home, and they moved it.

00:23:45.000 When she moved out of her home, they moved it and they put it in this one.

00:23:49.000 So you knew it was like, you're holding on to Mitzi's bar.

00:23:52.000 This is hers.

00:23:53.000 This is her bar.

00:23:54.000 You feel her bar when you put your hand down, when you have a drink.

00:23:57.000 You set it down on Mitzi's bar.

00:23:59.000 There was something about that, man.

00:24:01.000 And then we're, you know, Ron White's back there and fucking Dave Chappelle's back there.

00:24:05.000 Dave brings his own music sometimes.

00:24:06.000 It's crazy.

00:24:07.000 It's beautiful.

00:24:08.000 I fucking love that.

00:24:09.000 Beautiful.

00:24:09.000 It's just a hang, man.

00:24:11.000 And so that's what we do at The Mothership.

00:24:13.000 Dave has good music.

00:24:15.000 He's always got the best music.

00:24:16.000 I always have Shazam on point.

00:24:18.000 I have it set up, so I tap the back of my phone three times, and Shazam pops up.

00:24:25.000 I just have it on the little pull-down menu or whatever.

00:24:28.000 I don't know what you call it.

00:24:29.000 I don't want to show you my messages.

00:24:30.000 I got a new case.

00:24:31.000 It's a little thick.

00:24:32.000 I might have fucked up my tapping.

00:24:34.000 That was like the sweetest thing.

00:24:35.000 I could tap three times.

00:24:36.000 Boom, boom, boom.

00:24:37.000 You're going to have to work out your hands more.

00:24:39.000 Oh, there you go.

00:24:39.000 See, Shazam comes up.

00:24:40.000 Hell yeah.

00:24:41.000 Yeah, I got to get better finger strength.

00:24:42.000 Got to get better...

00:24:44.000 You're telling me, buddy.

00:24:45.000 Got to work on my piano skills.

00:24:48.000 I imagine piano players, man.

00:24:50.000 That kind of dexterity in your fingers.

00:24:54.000 Piano and guitar, anything you could do with your fingers like that, that's some wild dexterity that people have.

00:25:00.000 There's Instagram videos.

00:25:01.000 I got a trick for that.

00:25:03.000 There's no need for dexterity these days.

00:25:05.000 I mean, if you're going to play a full-on song, then yeah, you need dexterity and actual piano lessons.

00:25:10.000 But if you're the type of guy like me who just every now and then comes across a piano and you want to impress people, there's these Instagram videos that have like four keys tops.

00:25:20.000 And if you play like the keys the way they tell you, it's a simple little pattern, but it sounds like you're doing a bunch.

00:25:27.000 It sounds like you have dexterity.

00:25:29.000 So it's cool.

00:25:30.000 I just like to trick people.

00:25:31.000 I have no real skills.

00:25:32.000 I just...

00:25:33.000 Well, that's a skill.

00:25:34.000 You just have a very small skill.

00:25:36.000 Yeah.

00:25:36.000 Like you were playing pool earlier with Jake.

00:25:39.000 Yeah.

00:25:39.000 You can make a ball, right?

00:25:42.000 That's a skill.

00:25:43.000 You're just not a professional pool player.

00:25:45.000 That's the difference.

00:25:46.000 I know enough to get by.

00:25:47.000 I'm like Leo on Catch Me If You Can.

00:25:51.000 I'll get by, I'll get some money, but there won't be a real career here.

00:25:55.000 Well, you know, that's one of the beautiful things about anything.

00:25:58.000 Like, you learn, and then you realize how much more there is to learn.

00:26:02.000 Like, I remember when I first started doing stand-up, you know, all you're trying to do is just get a laugh.

00:26:07.000 All you're trying to do is, like, figure out how to not drown up there.

00:26:11.000 And slowly but surely try to find things that you think are funny.

00:26:15.000 But you're getting better.

00:26:18.000 Over time, for sure, everybody gets better.

00:26:21.000 All of us get better.

00:26:22.000 For sure.

00:26:22.000 And there's something about that that's fucking cool.

00:26:25.000 And it seems to never end, man.

00:26:27.000 That's what I love about stand-up.

00:26:29.000 I've always loved to learn.

00:26:32.000 I've had various jobs just for the sake of learning that specific little trade.

00:26:36.000 But stand-up was the first thing that I was like, man, this is never ending.

00:26:41.000 I'm never going to finish learning.

00:26:42.000 I'm never going to finish getting as good as I want to get.

00:26:45.000 So that's the one that I really stuck to.

00:26:48.000 Yeah, it's a beautiful thing too because you get this amazing feedback from all these people and you make them feel better.

00:26:54.000 Yeah.

00:26:54.000 Like when people leave a great show, they have this fucking smile on their face like, oh shit, that was great.

00:27:00.000 That was so fun.

00:27:01.000 Yeah.

00:27:01.000 That was so fun.

00:27:02.000 Sometimes girls want to have sex with you after.

00:27:04.000 That's crazy.

00:27:05.000 Yeah.

00:27:06.000 You're bringing joy.

00:27:07.000 Yeah.

00:27:07.000 You're just bringing joy to all these people.

00:27:09.000 But you're getting better at it too.

00:27:11.000 Dom Herrera said that to me once.

00:27:12.000 And Dom at the time was in his 60s.

00:27:15.000 And he's like, Joe, I don't think I've ever been sharper.

00:27:17.000 He goes, like, all these sets at the store, he goes, I feel like stand-up is an amazing thing.

00:27:22.000 Because you can just keep getting better at it.

00:27:24.000 I'm motivated to do more of it, whether I kill or I bomb.

00:27:27.000 Because if I bomb, I'm like, bro, would I have to fix that?

00:27:30.000 Have you seen Ron White lately?

00:27:32.000 Mm-mm.

00:27:33.000 Ron White's sober now.

00:27:34.000 He doesn't drink anymore.

00:27:35.000 Better than ever.

00:27:37.000 Yeah?

00:27:37.000 Better than ever.

00:27:38.000 You see, that's why I want to stay sober.

00:27:39.000 Murdering.

00:27:40.000 Murdering.

00:27:41.000 I mean murdering.

00:27:43.000 Ron White's a fucking assassin.

00:27:45.000 And he's like never been sharper.

00:27:48.000 New bits.

00:27:49.000 Always working on new shit.

00:27:51.000 Constantly rolling out new material.

00:27:52.000 He's going on tour again.

00:27:53.000 He was going to have a retirement party.

00:27:55.000 I'm like, bitch, you ain't retiring.

00:27:57.000 I don't think you could retire with stand-up.

00:27:59.000 I mean, what do I know but?

00:28:02.000 He was saying that he was just going to do the club.

00:28:03.000 I'll just do the mothership.

00:28:05.000 I'm like, yeah, for a while you're just going to do the mothership.

00:28:08.000 But you're going to get that itch.

00:28:10.000 I don't know what he's going through or anything, but I feel like this is the type of game where you could try to retire, you could try to take breaks, but man, there's no finishing this.

00:28:21.000 It's too fun.

00:28:22.000 Yeah, there's just no way to finish.

00:28:24.000 And you're doing it with people that are like you.

00:28:26.000 Yeah.

00:28:27.000 We're weirdos.

00:28:28.000 Yeah.

00:28:28.000 We can find other comics to hang out with.

00:28:31.000 They're the most forgiving comics.

00:28:34.000 Understanding, ridiculous people.

00:28:36.000 Talk shit to each other all the time.

00:28:38.000 Everyone's laughing.

00:28:39.000 That green room at the mothership, at any given night, it is just like a full-on show.

00:28:44.000 And we're all howling at each other.

00:28:47.000 You know, Hinchcliffe's cracking on people.

00:28:49.000 Shane Gillis is cracking on people.

00:28:51.000 Ron White chimes in.

00:28:53.000 Brian Simpson dumps on people.

00:28:55.000 It's wild back there.

00:28:56.000 We're having so much fun.

00:28:58.000 Just all laughing at each other.

00:29:00.000 Just all falling down on the ground, slapping tables.

00:29:02.000 Just...

00:29:03.000 It's fucking dope, man.

00:29:04.000 It's beautiful.

00:29:05.000 It's hard to go back from that.

00:29:11.000 When you get used to talking shit with comics...

00:29:13.000 My group of friends that I grew up with, we talked heavy amounts of shit to each other.

00:29:18.000 There was no line.

00:29:20.000 And I feel like with comics, you can do that too.

00:29:22.000 Everybody's just shooting the shit.

00:29:23.000 But it's tough sometimes going home or trying to...

00:29:28.000 I've dated people where I meet their family or whatever, and you start to get a little comfortable, but you forget that their line is way fucking...

00:29:39.000 Way, way, way, way down the road.

00:29:42.000 Yeah, and I'm like, fuck.

00:29:44.000 You passed their line in the third grade.

00:29:46.000 Yeah, I've said some jokes in front of the family of girls I've dated or something like that, where they're just like, holy shit, man.

00:29:54.000 I'm like, alright, my bad, my bad.

00:29:55.000 Yeah.

00:29:56.000 It's tough to go back.

00:29:57.000 But sometimes I kind of miss that, too, to be around somebody who's, like, not a comic.

00:30:02.000 Like, I don't know.

00:30:04.000 My uncle has a body shop.

00:30:06.000 And sometimes there's just random dudes that'll go hang out, dudes that are getting their cars painted there.

00:30:13.000 And sometimes I, like, miss those guys.

00:30:16.000 Because I remember them just talking shit about, like...

00:30:18.000 Just random things.

00:30:20.000 Just regular dudes.

00:30:20.000 Yeah.

00:30:21.000 Sometimes they're curious about things and they don't have the knowledge of like the celebrity world or like the outside this or that.

00:30:27.000 They're just kind of shooting the shit.

00:30:28.000 Yeah.

00:30:28.000 Sometimes I do kind of miss those convos, but I don't know.

00:30:32.000 I don't like them getting mad at jokes.

00:30:36.000 Yeah.

00:30:36.000 I know what you're saying.

00:30:38.000 Yeah, I mean, I got a lot of friends that have regular jobs.

00:30:42.000 One of my best friends, he works as a maintenance guy at high school.

00:30:45.000 I've known him since I was like 24, 23. Do you ever imagine, like...

00:30:52.000 Shout out to Tommy Jr. Yo, what up, Tommy Jr.?

00:30:55.000 Do you ever imagine, like...

00:30:59.000 Going back to something like that like to like regular life.

00:31:03.000 Yeah, do you ever yeah?

00:31:05.000 Yeah, well, I think Everybody that gets real famous.

00:31:08.000 There's a certain amount of pressure that comes with that that's not comfortable for some people You know like you think how it is like reading your comments you imagine if I read my comments I was going to ask you about that too.

00:31:19.000 Do you ever read them?

00:31:20.000 No.

00:31:21.000 They're not good for you.

00:31:22.000 They're not?

00:31:23.000 No.

00:31:23.000 I think the bad ones are not good for you and the good ones aren't good for you either.

00:31:27.000 No.

00:31:27.000 They can't be.

00:31:28.000 Because you got to stay you no matter what.

00:31:31.000 And that's difficult.

00:31:32.000 A lot of guys lose their mind.

00:31:34.000 I've lost my mind a few times and got it back, but you could lose your mind.

00:31:39.000 You could get lost in other people's opinions of you, who are you really.

00:31:45.000 You need at least some amount of time in your day to self-reflect.

00:31:52.000 Just self-reflect.

00:31:54.000 You know if you half-assed something or if you did a good job.

00:31:58.000 You know if you're prepared for something the way you should have.

00:32:01.000 You know.

00:32:02.000 You know if a show went well.

00:32:04.000 You know if a show sucked.

00:32:06.000 You know you were off.

00:32:07.000 You didn't have anything.

00:32:08.000 It was something.

00:32:09.000 Anything.

00:32:09.000 Whatever it is.

00:32:10.000 You know.

00:32:10.000 And if you don't spend enough time thinking about that and working on those things, whether it's with your personal life or your stand-up or your hobbies or anything that you're doing, if you don't have at least some time Where you're not thinking about other people's opinions, but you're just looking at it yourself.

00:32:26.000 Then you got too much noise coming in.

00:32:29.000 And too much noise.

00:32:30.000 Fuck you!

00:32:31.000 Fuck you!

00:32:32.000 And then you see people where their whole life is engaged in these meaningless disputes with people.

00:32:38.000 Meaningless.

00:32:39.000 Yeah.

00:32:40.000 Energy that you could spend on positive things.

00:32:43.000 Like friendships.

00:32:45.000 Like a hobby that you enjoy.

00:32:47.000 Like your loved ones.

00:32:49.000 Like positive things about life.

00:32:52.000 And I think, for some people, they get trapped in this world of other people's opinions, and they don't take enough time to look at themselves.

00:32:59.000 Like, think about yourself.

00:33:00.000 Think about you.

00:33:01.000 Think about what you're doing.

00:33:02.000 I'm learning.

00:33:03.000 Yeah, I'm learning that.

00:33:04.000 At least for me, I don't know.

00:33:06.000 I feel like stand-up is a lot like a fight, or like racing a car.

00:33:10.000 Everybody can have an opinion on why you won it, why you lost it, the race, but nobody's really in the car with you.

00:33:16.000 Nobody saw if you actually shifted wrong or correctly or if it was because you ducked when you should have punched or something.

00:33:23.000 Only you know.

00:33:24.000 Only you know.

00:33:25.000 Yeah, learning that.

00:33:26.000 Yeah, but I guess that's the case with everything.

00:33:29.000 And there's nothing wrong with people expressing opinions.

00:33:32.000 But I just don't think it's good for you to get engaged with them.

00:33:35.000 I just don't think that's mentally healthy.

00:33:38.000 Oh, I've engaged.

00:33:39.000 I'm sure!

00:33:40.000 I engaged for like a good two hours.

00:33:43.000 But here's where I fucked up.

00:33:45.000 Not only engaging, is I waited to post a clip.

00:33:48.000 And I had a feeling that a few people would talk some shit.

00:33:50.000 So I waited to post it on an afternoon where I'd have some time to engage.

00:33:55.000 Like, I knew I would engage.

00:33:56.000 Yeah, I was like, nah, because I want to see what people say, right?

00:34:00.000 But after a while, I was like, alright, I've engaged enough.

00:34:03.000 But yeah, after that, I was like, nah, I'm not doing this again.

00:34:06.000 That was kind of my, like, alright, I'm good on engaging point.

00:34:11.000 That was when I realized, like, I should not check social media anymore, or not as often.

00:34:17.000 I posted a clip making fun of Latino Republicans.

00:34:23.000 I didn't even, like, say anything harsh.

00:34:25.000 They got mad.

00:34:26.000 I didn't say...

00:34:27.000 All I said is they look weird.

00:34:29.000 That's, like, the heaviest thing I said.

00:34:31.000 Was that it's weird to see a dude with an accent be like, we gotta stop immigrants, you know?

00:34:36.000 You're like...

00:34:37.000 Because you're like wondering when they got here.

00:34:39.000 Right.

00:34:40.000 I was like, I don't know if you're saying they're wrong.

00:34:42.000 I mean, fucking Robita doesn't taste weird, but I mean, you need it, right?

00:34:45.000 Like, maybe it's working.

00:34:46.000 I don't know.

00:34:47.000 So I'm not saying they're wrong.

00:34:48.000 I just said it a little weird.

00:34:49.000 Well, there's a shitload of them in Florida.

00:34:52.000 Yeah.

00:34:53.000 All the people that came from communist countries.

00:34:55.000 Oh, here in Texas, too.

00:34:56.000 Fuck that nonsense.

00:34:57.000 So a lot of the people who came from- You want one of these little cigars?

00:34:59.000 Yeah, hell yeah.

00:35:00.000 These little Ron White specials.

00:35:01.000 Ron White got me on these little cigars.

00:35:03.000 Little baby cigars, so you don't have to finish a whole one.

00:35:05.000 A lot of the people who were commenting were people who came from communist countries.

00:35:09.000 And I don't know their experience.

00:35:11.000 I don't know the experience of anybody, really.

00:35:13.000 I'm just up there talking some shit.

00:35:15.000 But I wasn't trying to change anybody's mind.

00:35:18.000 You're just talking shit.

00:35:19.000 Yeah, I was like, you shouldn't be.

00:35:20.000 And people were in the comments.

00:35:21.000 They were like, well, Ralph doesn't understand politics.

00:35:25.000 Yeah, I don't.

00:35:26.000 This is a joke.

00:35:28.000 Yeah, I'm just talking shit.

00:35:29.000 Also, I just said you look weird.

00:35:31.000 I didn't say nothing wrong with it, you know what I mean?

00:35:33.000 Some Versace shirts look weird.

00:35:34.000 They do look weird.

00:35:35.000 But they're nice.

00:35:36.000 They're nice.

00:35:37.000 You know what I mean?

00:35:38.000 Wasn't that what Shane got for the fights?

00:35:39.000 You got a Versace shirt, a golden Versace shirt?

00:35:42.000 That shit looked dope.

00:35:43.000 That's a bold move.

00:35:46.000 You know, you got a gold Versace shirt on, you're like, I'm here to party.

00:35:50.000 You know, that's like the ultimate Hawaiian shirt.

00:35:53.000 Like a Hawaiian shirt is, I'm here to party.

00:35:55.000 And a Versace shirt.

00:35:57.000 Oh, yeah, I saw it.

00:35:58.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know what you're talking about.

00:35:59.000 He posted a picture.

00:36:02.000 Look at him.

00:36:03.000 With the president, with the former president.

00:36:09.000 It's a blurry picture.

00:36:10.000 That's a badass picture, by the way.

00:36:12.000 Like, I'm not like a Trump supporter or nothing, but that's just a fucking dope picture.

00:36:16.000 That's a fun picture.

00:36:16.000 Have you ever seen Shane's Trump impression?

00:36:19.000 Yeah.

00:36:19.000 It's fucking insane.

00:36:20.000 It's so good.

00:36:22.000 You have like an ashtray?

00:36:24.000 Oh, right there.

00:36:24.000 If I was Trump's friend, I'd try to get him to shave his head.

00:36:27.000 I'd be like, come on, bro.

00:36:30.000 I want to take more cool pictures like that.

00:36:33.000 Just post them every now and then.

00:36:34.000 And I don't think he put a caption, right?

00:36:36.000 I don't know what he put up.

00:36:38.000 I don't think he put a caption.

00:36:39.000 Bro, that's fucking genius.

00:36:40.000 That's why this dude's like the next GOAT, bro.

00:36:43.000 Oh, he's so funny, man.

00:36:44.000 He's so funny.

00:36:46.000 That bit he has about Navy SEALs, oh my god.

00:36:48.000 I've watched it a hundred times.

00:36:50.000 I could watch it a hundred times.

00:36:51.000 He's so funny, man.

00:36:53.000 And he's out here too now.

00:36:54.000 It's cool because we've got this real good vibe going where everybody's just really fucking having fun.

00:37:02.000 And there's all these young guys coming up.

00:37:05.000 Because a big point of the club was development.

00:37:08.000 We want to have two nights of open mic night.

00:37:10.000 Every Sunday, every Monday, open mic night.

00:37:12.000 And then Monday, Kill Tony.

00:37:14.000 Kill Tony is the anchor.

00:37:15.000 That's the anchor.

00:37:17.000 Because it sets the tone of the culture.

00:37:20.000 You have one minute.

00:37:21.000 In that minute, you got to be funny.

00:37:23.000 You just got to be...

00:37:24.000 And then people realize, oh, that's what this is all about.

00:37:26.000 Yeah, this is an art form.

00:37:28.000 It's an art form, and it's about how to be funny.

00:37:30.000 And everybody's got their own way.

00:37:32.000 You know, Ali Sadiq has these great stories.

00:37:35.000 He's got these beautiful, long stories.

00:37:38.000 He's an amazing storyteller.

00:37:39.000 You know, and then you got Joey Diaz, who's like, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang.

00:37:44.000 He hits you with those bang, bang, bangs.

00:37:46.000 I love the upstairs room, the little boy, because you got comics going up, but you also have, like, every employee in the mothership going up.

00:37:55.000 Yeah, well, they're all comics.

00:37:56.000 Yeah, they're all comics, too.

00:37:57.000 But you're giving them a chance, man.

00:37:59.000 A lot of comics work the club to try to, like, get in with the club, like, across the country, whatever their club is.

00:38:06.000 And sometimes even they don't get really the chance, you know what I mean?

00:38:09.000 Yeah, well, we all came from open mics.

00:38:13.000 Everybody did.

00:38:15.000 That's the only way to do it.

00:38:16.000 You have to get on stage.

00:38:18.000 So why would a club not have an open mic?

00:38:21.000 And they're like, well, we could fill it up with a headliner.

00:38:24.000 Yeah, you could.

00:38:25.000 You could, but you're making a short-term gain decision where you're making more money, and you're not looking at the long-term...

00:38:36.000 Just for the art form.

00:38:38.000 The art form needs seeds.

00:38:41.000 It needs plants.

00:38:42.000 It needs someone to help.

00:38:43.000 It needs someone to tend the garden.

00:38:45.000 It needs someone to give people opportunities.

00:38:47.000 And to say, like, this is a renewable resource.

00:38:50.000 This beautiful thing that we all enjoy.

00:38:52.000 People talking shit and us laughing.

00:38:55.000 It's the most beautiful thing.

00:38:57.000 I love it to death.

00:38:58.000 There's the art side and the business side.

00:39:00.000 Yeah, well that's...

00:39:01.000 There's gotta be a balance to it.

00:39:02.000 That's where you...

00:39:03.000 Yeah, you gotta...

00:39:06.000 I don't know, man.

00:39:08.000 I don't know anybody else who did it this way, because we had to do it in a way where we all got up and moved, right?

00:39:18.000 So it was crazy in the first place.

00:39:20.000 And we all took this chance to come here.

00:39:22.000 In the beginning, a lot of guys moved long before there was a club.

00:39:25.000 So we were just doing the Vulcan.

00:39:27.000 And they had heard that, oh, they've got these wild-ass shows they're doing in Texas indoors.

00:39:32.000 In November of 2020, we were doing shows indoors.

00:39:36.000 And it just started coming.

00:39:38.000 And then one day, we did a show with Ron White, and Ron White grabbed my shoulders.

00:39:43.000 He got off, so he hadn't done stand-up in like eight months.

00:39:46.000 He grabs my shoulders.

00:39:47.000 Whatever the fuck we have to do, we're doing this.

00:39:51.000 He goes, when are you gonna get your fucking club open up?

00:39:55.000 I go, let's fucking go, Ron White.

00:39:57.000 Let's do this shit.

00:39:57.000 He's like, let's fucking go.

00:39:59.000 I mean, he had just gotten off stage.

00:40:01.000 Yo, and then he gave you these cigars?

00:40:03.000 Yeah, he loves these little cigars.

00:40:04.000 I like these.

00:40:05.000 He's like, they're good if you don't want a whole cigar.

00:40:07.000 I never smoked a cigar until I hung out with Bert Kreischer.

00:40:08.000 You want a big one?

00:40:09.000 You want a real cigar?

00:40:10.000 Yeah, I'll take a big cigar.

00:40:12.000 Hold on, please.

00:40:13.000 Hold, please.

00:40:21.000 Get you some of these foundation cigars.

00:40:24.000 We got our own cigar, bro.

00:40:25.000 You make those cigars?

00:40:26.000 No, foundation cigars do.

00:40:29.000 Oh, I've never heard of that company.

00:40:30.000 I'm new to the cigar world.

00:40:32.000 I just got into it like in the summer.

00:40:34.000 I'm learning.

00:40:34.000 Shout out to my man Nick.

00:40:36.000 Yeah, this dude, I was super skeptical.

00:40:39.000 He goes, we made you some cigars.

00:40:42.000 I'm like, come on, man.

00:40:43.000 These are probably going to be wax cigars with a label on it.

00:40:46.000 But no, this dude is like a real cigar head.

00:40:49.000 Like, you know, he travels to the places where they grow it.

00:40:53.000 He's involved in the whole process of it.

00:40:55.000 Hell yeah.

00:40:56.000 He makes a bunch of, like, really dope cigars.

00:40:59.000 Like Willy Wonka when he traveled to the jungle to find Oompa Loompas and stuff?

00:41:02.000 Something like that.

00:41:04.000 Yeah.

00:41:04.000 But any time I hear, like...

00:41:06.000 You know how to work these?

00:41:08.000 Oh, shit.

00:41:10.000 Any time...

00:41:13.000 I meet a dude who's like really into something.

00:41:15.000 Like my friend Evan from Black Rifle Coffee.

00:41:19.000 That dude is like super, super into coffee.

00:41:23.000 And he's got this laboratory at his factory.

00:41:27.000 He took us to the Black Rifle warehouses where they, you know, do all their work there.

00:41:32.000 And do all their roasting.

00:41:33.000 They have these giant roasting machines.

00:41:35.000 And he's got this laboratory...

00:41:39.000 Where he's like testing different weights of how much coffee you put in, different temperatures.

00:41:46.000 And they've got these dudes sitting around sipping them, trying to figure out what's the perfect way to do this shit.

00:41:51.000 Like they're doing it like a lab.

00:41:54.000 Professional sippers.

00:41:55.000 Yeah, man.

00:41:59.000 But that's when you're going to get that dope coffee.

00:42:02.000 That really good coffee.

00:42:04.000 I've just gotten into coffee this year.

00:42:05.000 Coffee and cigars.

00:42:06.000 That's 2023 Ralph right there.

00:42:11.000 I had this dude on once.

00:42:15.000 I always forget his name.

00:42:16.000 Yeah, a lot of dudes on here once.

00:42:17.000 Yeah, I've had a lot of dudes on here.

00:42:19.000 But I had this dude on who was a real coffee expert.

00:42:23.000 And he schooled me in all the different kinds of coffee and how they grow them and how they take care of them.

00:42:29.000 Hey, you had this one guy on here once.

00:42:31.000 I remember watching the clips on YouTube where he was talking about like Christianity, like ancient Christianity.

00:42:38.000 Yeah.

00:42:39.000 And he asked you...

00:42:43.000 I think it was a clip about psychedelics.

00:42:45.000 Yeah.

00:42:46.000 But I forgot the exact question he asked you.

00:42:49.000 He was like, can I tell you?

00:42:51.000 He's like, can I tell you about the way Christianity was?

00:42:56.000 Or something like that.

00:42:57.000 I forgot the exact question he asked you.

00:43:00.000 And you said, yeah.

00:43:01.000 And he was like, yeah?

00:43:02.000 And he kind of laughed a little bit.

00:43:04.000 Well, that should scare the shit out of me.

00:43:05.000 If I would have heard the guy laugh...

00:43:08.000 After he's like, can I tell you about this?

00:43:10.000 And I'm like, yeah.

00:43:10.000 And then he laughs.

00:43:11.000 I'll be like, never mind, bro.

00:43:14.000 Why did he laugh?

00:43:15.000 What are you going to tell me?

00:43:16.000 Are you going to say a magic spell?

00:43:18.000 What are you going to say?

00:43:20.000 He was talking about a...

00:43:21.000 I don't remember all of it.

00:43:23.000 I just remember he was talking about that Christianity used to be kind of like a cult.

00:43:26.000 And then he was saying something about they went underground with it to watch it or something.

00:43:30.000 Who was that, Jamie?

00:43:31.000 You know who that is?

00:43:33.000 I was thinking he was talking about Brian Murray Rescue.

00:43:35.000 Brian Murray Rescue, probably.

00:43:37.000 It might have been Brian.

00:43:38.000 Brian's amazing.

00:43:39.000 Yeah.

00:43:40.000 I mean, it was a cool episode.

00:43:42.000 I learned a lot of shit about Christianity that I later forgot, but it was just that one way he asked a question that scared the shit out of me.

00:43:50.000 And I was watching the clip at 1 a.m., just chilling, you know?

00:43:53.000 So I turned that off, and I just turned the lights on in my room.

00:43:55.000 I was like, all right, it freaked me out a little bit.

00:43:57.000 What's interesting about Christianity, everybody wants to know, what was the first shit they wrote down?

00:44:04.000 Like, everybody knows, like, the New Testament, right?

00:44:07.000 The New Testament.

00:44:07.000 But then you go, what about the Old Testament?

00:44:10.000 Like, ah, don't pay attention to that.

00:44:13.000 Yeah, I don't really like that, that they be changing shit, you know?

00:44:16.000 Give me one set of rules, leave it.

00:44:17.000 Now, if you choose to follow them or not, that's on you, but don't change shit.

00:44:21.000 Even if it is the writings of Jesus, even if it is the writings of...

00:44:24.000 Even if all that is unadulterated, it's not been altered by human beings, it's still put together by people, written down by people...

00:44:34.000 You ever do that thing?

00:44:36.000 And very different than the Old Testament.

00:44:38.000 I remember they did this at Barber College once, just to teach us a lesson or some shit.

00:44:43.000 I don't know.

00:44:44.000 But they had this long bench, and they sat down all the students, and our instructor whispered a secret to the first person on the far right.

00:44:54.000 Telephone game.

00:44:55.000 Yeah, you gotta just keep whispering the secret down the line.

00:44:57.000 And by the end of the line, it's a totally different sentence.

00:45:00.000 Right.

00:45:01.000 That shit made me never want to check out the Bible anymore.

00:45:05.000 Yeah, the Bible was, they think it was an oral tradition for hundreds if not a thousand years before they ever wrote it down.

00:45:15.000 Wow, damn.

00:45:17.000 That's a lot of mix-up.

00:45:19.000 Could be.

00:45:20.000 Yeah, for sure people could have added some shit in there.

00:45:22.000 You're religious at all?

00:45:23.000 Like, do you go to church or anything?

00:45:24.000 You follow a religion?

00:45:25.000 I'm not religious, but I'm not an atheist.

00:45:27.000 People always say I'm an atheist.

00:45:28.000 I'm not an atheist.

00:45:29.000 I feel like I'm on something like that, you know?

00:45:32.000 There's something going on out there.

00:45:35.000 I mean, I grew up, like, somewhat Catholic.

00:45:38.000 Like, how most Mexican Catholics are.

00:45:40.000 Like, maybe you don't go to church, but you do this thing all the time.

00:45:42.000 Yeah.

00:45:47.000 I don't know, man.

00:45:48.000 I don't know what to believe.

00:45:49.000 I do want to have a religion.

00:45:50.000 I'm not going to lie.

00:45:51.000 It'd be nice if there was a good one.

00:45:53.000 One you could really lock into.

00:45:55.000 Man, you guys are making sense.

00:45:56.000 I just like that people really lock into something.

00:46:00.000 I don't know, man.

00:46:01.000 I want to defend something.

00:46:04.000 I want to be like, you don't speak that way about Allah.

00:46:07.000 Right.

00:46:07.000 It's a nice gang to be a part of.

00:46:09.000 Right.

00:46:10.000 Very aggressive gang.

00:46:11.000 But I also feel like the gang I belong to, whether I like it or not, is like the comedy world.

00:46:16.000 Just make fun of everything.

00:46:18.000 Yeah.

00:46:19.000 That's our gang.

00:46:20.000 But I think religion helps a lot of people, and I don't necessarily think it's...

00:46:25.000 I think it came from somewhere.

00:46:28.000 And I think there's like real wisdom to these stories that people wrote down thousands of years ago.

00:46:33.000 But there's a lot of problems in the translations too.

00:46:37.000 Because they're translating shit from...

00:46:41.000 Here's a good example.

00:46:43.000 The Dead Sea Scrolls is the oldest version of the Bible that they're aware of.

00:46:48.000 And it's from Qumran.

00:46:51.000 They have these caves and they found these big pottery vessels with scrolls in them.

00:46:59.000 And these scrolls, they're all made of animal skins.

00:47:05.000 That's how old they are.

00:47:06.000 That was their paper.

00:47:07.000 They wrote on animal skins.

00:47:09.000 And one of the ways that they figured out, they had to put it all together again, and a lot of it was crumpled and falling apart.

00:47:15.000 And so they had to do DNA testing so that they could figure out, okay, these samples are all from this cow, and so we'll put these here.

00:47:25.000 And it took them fucking years and years and years to do this.

00:47:30.000 And after 14 years of deciphering it, there was this one guy.

00:47:35.000 His name was John Marco Allegro.

00:47:37.000 And he was an ordained minister, but he was also agnostic.

00:47:42.000 Because when he studied theology, the more he started studying it, the more he's like, wait, what the fuck is it?

00:47:47.000 How come this is so much different than this?

00:47:49.000 And what's the origins of these words?

00:47:51.000 And where does this all come from?

00:47:52.000 So this guy studies this Dead Sea Scrolls for 14 years, and then he writes a book called The Sacred Mushroom and the Cross.

00:47:59.000 And he said that the whole Christian religion was really about psychedelic mushrooms and fertility rituals.

00:48:07.000 That these people had hidden all of these stories in these allegories and in these tales.

00:48:14.000 They'd hidden all this information on what to do and when to do it.

00:48:19.000 And that all...

00:48:20.000 It's a very, very controversial book.

00:48:23.000 But that all of the...

00:48:25.000 You think they got it at Barnes& Noble's?

00:48:27.000 I think you can probably get it now.

00:48:29.000 I know it got republished.

00:48:31.000 I think it was bought out by the Catholic Church for a long time.

00:48:35.000 I didn't know the Catholic Church was buying out books.

00:48:37.000 They didn't want this one out.

00:48:39.000 Some Wolf of Wall Street shit?

00:48:40.000 I don't know if that's true.

00:48:41.000 I need to find out if that's true because I've said it before because someone told it to me.

00:48:44.000 Dude, you say it with enough confidence, it's true.

00:48:46.000 Yeah, if you say it with enough confidence, you can get it.

00:48:47.000 Catholic Church bought out GameStop a couple years ago.

00:48:50.000 Yeah.

00:48:51.000 They're responsible for Battlefield Earth.

00:48:53.000 Hell yeah.

00:48:54.000 Man, that's crazy that they were riding on, like, cow skin.

00:48:57.000 Yeah, that's all they had.

00:48:58.000 Fucking cows, man.

00:48:59.000 Cows have never had it easy on this earth, bro.

00:49:02.000 Nope.

00:49:02.000 Kobe beef.

00:49:03.000 Even when they have a good life, it's only for Kobe beef, you know what I mean?

00:49:06.000 Right.

00:49:06.000 Even if they have a good life, it's only, like, 16 years old.

00:49:09.000 What is it, like, in Japan, where they really, like, massage them?

00:49:13.000 Yeah.

00:49:13.000 Imagine being that cow, just being like, damn, I've heard about cows that get slaughtered, but, man, I got lucky to be born in this life, and they're like, nope.

00:49:20.000 Nope.

00:49:20.000 You got slightly luckier than the other cows, but still a cow.

00:49:24.000 The thing about cows is, if you care about, like, suffering, you can buy beef from a regenerative farm where that cow dies instantly, lives a great life until it dies.

00:49:37.000 And then you'd say, like, no, we should let them free, they should be free.

00:49:40.000 The way they die when they're free is horrific.

00:49:43.000 Yeah?

00:49:44.000 Horrific.

00:49:45.000 Yeah, because they get eaten to death.

00:49:47.000 Oh, yeah, right?

00:49:48.000 Yeah.

00:49:48.000 They could eat.

00:49:49.000 Most of them are not going to make it past being a calf.

00:49:52.000 Mound lions, bears, wolves.

00:49:55.000 They bring wolves back.

00:49:57.000 They've brought wolves back everywhere now.

00:49:59.000 Wolves are in Colorado now.

00:50:01.000 They're moving them in.

00:50:02.000 Yeah, they're moving them in.

00:50:03.000 Badass.

00:50:04.000 I don't know.

00:50:04.000 The wolves are back in town.

00:50:06.000 The wolves are back in town.

00:50:07.000 I think that's the boys.

00:50:09.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:50:10.000 Well, you know, wolves are back down.

00:50:11.000 They're gonna eat your dog.

00:50:13.000 They're gonna kill your kids.

00:50:14.000 Oh, shit.

00:50:15.000 I didn't think about that.

00:50:16.000 That's the Little Red Riding Hood shit, man.

00:50:17.000 That's all the big bad wolf.

00:50:19.000 That's because in Europe, in like the 1400s or whatever the fuck...

00:50:22.000 They were eating people's grandmas and shit?

00:50:24.000 They ate everybody.

00:50:24.000 Wolves ate people.

00:50:26.000 Wait, what year was it?

00:50:30.000 Listen, wolves always eat people.

00:50:32.000 In World War I, there was a ceasefire between the Germans and the Russians because wolves were eating so many soldiers that they decided to band together and kill the wolves.

00:50:43.000 Oh, shit.

00:50:44.000 So, you know, maybe they're not a problem.

00:50:46.000 The world is very split right now.

00:50:48.000 Maybe wolves are going to bring us back together.

00:50:51.000 Maybe, man.

00:50:52.000 Also, maybe we need to bring back psychedelic Christianity.

00:50:56.000 Maybe that's what Red Riding Hood was on.

00:50:58.000 That's why she thought the wolf was her grandma and shit.

00:51:00.000 Probably.

00:51:01.000 Trippin'.

00:51:01.000 Bitch was trippin'.

00:51:02.000 Yeah.

00:51:03.000 Imagine how high you have to be to think a wolf with a dress is your grandma.

00:51:06.000 I'll tell you this, though, on the whole Christian psychedelic trip shit.

00:51:11.000 One time, I ate like nine, ten grams of shrooms.

00:51:13.000 And I swear to God, the ceiling, there was a face in it.

00:51:17.000 And for some reason in my mind, I was like, that's God.

00:51:20.000 And he's fucking pissed.

00:51:22.000 He's pissed?

00:51:22.000 Yeah.

00:51:23.000 At you?

00:51:24.000 Yeah.

00:51:24.000 For what?

00:51:25.000 I don't know.

00:51:26.000 I think it's just because on the inside, I've never done mushrooms out during the day.

00:51:32.000 I know some people are like, yeah, man, do mushrooms, go to a park.

00:51:34.000 Nah, uh-uh.

00:51:36.000 Because I do believe there's God out there, some sort of God.

00:51:39.000 And I don't think he's necessarily like the good guy on a TV show.

00:51:45.000 I think he's God, you know what I mean?

00:51:47.000 You ever had like a boss, like at a place?

00:51:50.000 And maybe he's not exactly fair, maybe he's not exactly nice, but he's the fucking boss.

00:51:55.000 And when he says go, I feel like maybe that's what God is, you know, for better or worse.

00:51:59.000 And I feel like if I do mushrooms out in the open, he's going to be like mad.

00:52:03.000 So I do them at night.

00:52:04.000 I usually do them in my hotel rooms.

00:52:05.000 I'll do research on hotels that have like artwork and stuff.

00:52:08.000 Like hotel in the goes...

00:52:10.000 Great place to trip.

00:52:11.000 Especially the one in Houston.

00:52:13.000 If I go to Houston, I'm staying at the Hotel Indigo.

00:52:16.000 But yeah, the ceiling, man.

00:52:18.000 I was tripping so hard.

00:52:20.000 And the face came out.

00:52:22.000 And it looked like a hand.

00:52:24.000 And then like an elbow.

00:52:25.000 And then I felt like he was putting his elbow on my neck.

00:52:28.000 And I couldn't breathe.

00:52:29.000 I started trying to breathe real hard.

00:52:30.000 I was like...

00:52:31.000 And my buddy was, like, having a nice trip.

00:52:33.000 He was just like, that's right, man, breathe.

00:52:35.000 I was like, no, dumbass, like, I can't breathe.

00:52:37.000 God's choking you.

00:52:38.000 Yeah, God was, like, putting the pressure down on my neck.

00:52:41.000 But I felt like that was maybe in my mind.

00:52:43.000 Well, it's definitely in your mind.

00:52:44.000 Yeah, you know, like, just feeling pressure in general.

00:52:47.000 Right, right.

00:52:48.000 Wondering if I'm doing the right thing or not.

00:52:49.000 Yeah, well, a lot of changes have happened really quickly with you.

00:52:53.000 You know, Bryan Simpson was telling me that you were going to open for him one weekend.

00:52:58.000 In January of 2022, I think.

00:53:00.000 And then you blew up, and then he called you, and you're like, bro, I'm headlining all these clubs now.

00:53:06.000 Nah, Hugh Smith, that story, that's what he said.

00:53:09.000 The story's a little different.

00:53:10.000 He said you were doing great.

00:53:12.000 I mean, yeah, he said it was a period of a few months, and he got a hold of you, and you were headlining everywhere.

00:53:18.000 Man, I shouldn't say how the story went because I'm not even sure how the story went.

00:53:22.000 I do remember we spoke and I was just telling them, man, I do want to open for you because Brian Simpson, that dude's hilarious.

00:53:30.000 But at the same time, I was like, I kind of want to take my chances on some headlining my own shows here.

00:53:36.000 But looking back on it, I mean, there's no regrets.

00:53:39.000 I feel like as long as I'm doing whatever I feel like doing in that moment, there's no regrets, you know?

00:53:43.000 But looking back on it, I do wish...

00:53:48.000 Things would have gone maybe a little slower for me.

00:53:51.000 Just because I was still a feature.

00:53:54.000 I wasn't used to headlining shows when I started headlining shows.

00:53:57.000 And I feel like a lot of my shows were me still very much learning and getting comfortable with an hour on stage.

00:54:04.000 And I love my Netflix special, don't get me wrong.

00:54:07.000 I'm proud of it.

00:54:08.000 I want people to watch it.

00:54:09.000 But I feel like after the special came out...

00:54:12.000 It's when I actually got to enjoy, enjoy headlining on the road.

00:54:17.000 And I feel like now I'm at a much more comfortable level.

00:54:22.000 And now, I mean, I'm pretty sure this happens to a lot of comics, but I feel like this material now, like, this is where it's at.

00:54:29.000 Yeah.

00:54:30.000 I don't even want to post.

00:54:31.000 Like, I want to post it.

00:54:32.000 I have certain jokes that I'm like, bro, if I could just post this, people will fuck with it, I bet.

00:54:36.000 But there's a lot of it that I'm like, nah.

00:54:38.000 If I don't post it, I can just keep doing it, like, on the road and give people a hell of a show.

00:54:44.000 And put it together on your next special, dude.

00:54:46.000 You're on the road.

00:54:47.000 You're on your path now, man.

00:54:49.000 That's fucking awesome.

00:54:50.000 That's what it's about.

00:54:51.000 How old are you?

00:54:52.000 27. That's beautiful.

00:54:54.000 That's beautiful.

00:54:55.000 What a good time.

00:54:57.000 Yeah, I like 27, man.

00:54:58.000 26 was better, but 27's alright.

00:55:01.000 Listen, I know it all came fast to you, but you just gotta accept that gift.

00:55:05.000 This is just, you know, you can't, you got a gift.

00:55:08.000 It's a beautiful gift of being in the right time, with the right tools available, and having a great set, and having a piece of that get out.

00:55:17.000 That's it.

00:55:17.000 Hell that was, sorry.

00:55:18.000 Yeah, don't inhale this, man.

00:55:19.000 It'll fuck you up.

00:55:20.000 But it's, you know, it's a gift by the universe.

00:55:23.000 And you gotta, you know, you gotta ride that gift.

00:55:25.000 And it's gonna be, it's weirder that you go from middling, all of a sudden you're headlining everywhere.

00:55:29.000 But so what?

00:55:30.000 You're funny, man.

00:55:31.000 I felt like a young Rocky.

00:55:32.000 Like, you know how in Rocky, one, he's like kind of older already?

00:55:35.000 Right.

00:55:36.000 And then I don't know where he gets his shot, you know?

00:55:37.000 Right.

00:55:38.000 I felt like, maybe like a younger, inexperienced Rocky, and then I got like a shot.

00:55:43.000 Yeah.

00:55:43.000 You know?

00:55:44.000 But the audience knows, though, too.

00:55:47.000 That's the cool thing.

00:55:48.000 Like, they know that you're kind of new to this, but they love you and they want to come see you.

00:55:52.000 Yeah, it's been dope, man.

00:55:53.000 People are so supportive.

00:55:55.000 Do you remember that...

00:55:56.000 What is that girl's name?

00:55:57.000 Is it Angela Johnson?

00:55:58.000 The one who has that Vietnamese bit?

00:56:00.000 She helped me out a lot, by the way.

00:56:02.000 That girl had the same kind of thing happen to her.

00:56:04.000 Yeah, she was doing a comedy like a few months or something like that and then her bit went viral on MySpace.

00:56:09.000 Bro, she was middling and selling out clubs and then people would leave when the headliner would go up.

00:56:15.000 That's gotta fucking piss off a headliner.

00:56:17.000 Oh, my God.

00:56:18.000 Could you imagine, like, the place is packed, and you're the headliner, but you know they're all there for the middle act?

00:56:24.000 What a drag, man.

00:56:26.000 But that was real.

00:56:27.000 That was what was going on for a while with her.

00:56:29.000 She's telling me about that for a while.

00:56:30.000 She's so nice.

00:56:31.000 She sold out because she's, like, doing theaters or whatever.

00:56:36.000 Isn't she a serious Christian?

00:56:38.000 Yeah.

00:56:38.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:56:39.000 She's a serious Christian.

00:56:40.000 She's doing, like, theaters.

00:56:41.000 Well, she was doing theaters, and then she did, like, a special.

00:56:44.000 Like, 20...

00:56:45.000 What year are we in right now?

00:56:46.000 23?

00:56:48.000 So like 22 maybe it was.

00:56:51.000 I might be getting this wrong.

00:56:52.000 You want some coffee?

00:56:53.000 I'm okay.

00:56:54.000 I'm okay.

00:56:55.000 But she put out this special and she had been like, you know, doing theaters.

00:57:00.000 But after she did her special, her last special, she booked a lot of club gigs, she told me.

00:57:06.000 And so she went to San Antonio to the LOL to just book back-to-back gigs to keep running material and shit.

00:57:12.000 And I don't know.

00:57:14.000 I kind of just took like a page from that book.

00:57:16.000 I was opening her for like eight of those shows.

00:57:19.000 And we did LOL and San Antonio.

00:57:22.000 I mean, fucking, you know, it's like Mexico City there.

00:57:26.000 So like I have a lot of tickets to sell there, man.

00:57:29.000 So anytime they wanted to add a show, I was like, yes, add it.

00:57:31.000 Yes, add it.

00:57:32.000 Like I'm just going to work out so much shit here.

00:57:33.000 But then now that I've done it, we did the first weekend.

00:57:37.000 The first weekend was 10 shows.

00:57:38.000 This next coming up weekend is the next 10 shows.

00:57:41.000 But like six, five shows in, I was like, well, hold up.

00:57:45.000 This might be not as productive as I thought it was.

00:57:49.000 Because every audience is just 99% Latino, Hispanic, Mexican.

00:57:53.000 And I like, fuck.

00:57:55.000 I was like, I need to work out material in front of everybody.

00:57:58.000 It can't just be only my audience.

00:58:00.000 It can't just be Hispanics.

00:58:01.000 Like, they're gonna fucking, they're gonna baby me too much.

00:58:04.000 Like, I'm not gonna grow.

00:58:05.000 So I came down here.

00:58:07.000 I was like, fucking, like, no offense to my audience.

00:58:09.000 I love them.

00:58:09.000 Like, fucking keep coming now.

00:58:10.000 I'll fuck with them all day.

00:58:12.000 But, I also need to get in front of strangers.

00:58:14.000 I also need to get in front of different people, some Asians, some Indians, some white guys.

00:58:18.000 Like, I need to get in front of everybody if I truly want to grow.

00:58:21.000 At least that's my opinion.

00:58:22.000 You know what I mean?

00:58:22.000 I think that's a good opinion.

00:58:23.000 I think that opinion is shared by a lot of people.

00:58:25.000 I think getting in front of as many different audiences is real important, especially in the early days.

00:58:31.000 You know, that's why the road, I think, is so important.

00:58:33.000 If you live in New York City, you kind of think that everybody thinks like people from New York City, and then you go do a gig in Oklahoma, and you're like, oh, okay.

00:58:41.000 Yeah.

00:58:41.000 I love New York, too, though, because you get a little bit of, like, those diverse strangers.

00:58:45.000 Oh, New York's great.

00:58:46.000 New York's an amazing place to do comedy.

00:58:48.000 It's like comedy gym, like comedy.

00:58:50.000 You ever watch, what is it, Christian Bale's Batman?

00:58:53.000 And he goes up to, like, Nepal to become Batman to, like, train?

00:58:56.000 Sometimes, man, when I was frustrated, and especially before I got to tour, when I was still just, like, a feature, an opener, you know what I mean?

00:59:02.000 An open mic, go crash on my buddy's couch for, like, a month or two in New York and just fucking work it out, you know what I mean?

00:59:09.000 New York has always been a great place for talent.

00:59:13.000 There's always guys like Attell in New York.

00:59:16.000 Ari's always in New York.

00:59:19.000 New York's a great place.

00:59:20.000 It's just not for me, man.

00:59:22.000 It's too many fucking people.

00:59:24.000 Too many people jammed on top of each other.

00:59:26.000 I'm just too...

00:59:27.000 I don't like that that much.

00:59:29.000 I like some quiet...

00:59:31.000 I like some peace.

00:59:32.000 I feel that.

00:59:32.000 I live out in the country right now.

00:59:35.000 Oh, do you?

00:59:35.000 Yeah, I live out like an hour south of Dallas.

00:59:37.000 Oh, that's great.

00:59:38.000 My dad lives out there.

00:59:40.000 He bought land when he was like 20 there, like a little trailer home.

00:59:44.000 And he always kept it.

00:59:46.000 He'd move around a lot.

00:59:47.000 You know, he was an unstable guy.

00:59:49.000 He was up and down, whatever.

00:59:51.000 But he always kept that land.

00:59:53.000 And once he became more of like a family man, you know, he's married to my stepmom.

00:59:57.000 I have younger siblings.

00:59:59.000 He, like, you know, makes sure that they live there.

01:00:02.000 He got out of prison, like, 2019. And he went back to, like, painting cars, working on cars, started saving money, started doing, like, contractor jobs, started his own business.

01:00:14.000 Now he does, like, pretty big business, contract-type work with a couple other guys that have their own business.

01:00:20.000 And he, like, built his dream house.

01:00:22.000 Oh, man.

01:00:23.000 Nice.

01:00:23.000 On that land.

01:00:24.000 No more trailer home.

01:00:25.000 He gave the trailer home to my cousin and they moved it further back on the next piece of land.

01:00:30.000 So now he has to start his own little journey or whatever.

01:00:33.000 Nice.

01:00:33.000 But he built that house and it's nice, man.

01:00:36.000 I started building a house on that land as well before my cousin's house so I could outshine my cousin's house.

01:00:43.000 But it's not done.

01:00:44.000 But my house is purely...

01:00:45.000 I'm not even looking forward to...

01:00:47.000 I'm not even trying too much right now to actually build a house and be like, this is how I want my kitchen and living room.

01:00:52.000 I'm not even worried about it.

01:00:54.000 The living compartment is on the upstairs.

01:00:56.000 I'm worried about the downstairs because that's going to be my shop.

01:00:59.000 I used to paint cars and I want to do that in my free time again.

01:01:02.000 What kind of painting?

01:01:04.000 I was still very much like...

01:01:07.000 Like artistic painting, you mean?

01:01:08.000 No, like, you know, paint the cars.

01:01:10.000 Paint them blue, paint them red.

01:01:12.000 Oh, just painting cars?

01:01:13.000 Yeah, detailing them afterwards.

01:01:15.000 I always wanted to paint candy, but you need a lot of experience.

01:01:18.000 A lot of people don't know that when you're painting candy, you can't just do...

01:01:21.000 The quarter panel and then move to the door.

01:01:23.000 You gotta do like the horse.

01:01:25.000 What do you mean my candy?

01:01:26.000 Like, you know, candy paint.

01:01:27.000 Like real glittery, real pretty.

01:01:29.000 Oh, is that what it's called?

01:01:30.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:01:31.000 Come on, man, you're in Texas now.

01:01:32.000 You gotta learn about candy paint.

01:01:33.000 I didn't know that was what it was called.

01:01:35.000 Yeah, you ever go to a car show and maybe one car just fucking pops way more, has way more flake in it?

01:01:41.000 Yeah.

01:01:42.000 It's candy paint.

01:01:42.000 But it's tough to paint.

01:01:43.000 You gotta be a skilled, like, experienced painter.

01:01:46.000 Because you can't just fucking...

01:01:48.000 You know, you always got to be careful how you adjust your gun, right?

01:01:51.000 You don't want your pattern too wide, too narrow.

01:01:53.000 Are you super serious about this shit?

01:01:55.000 Oh, yeah, man.

01:01:56.000 Painting, I thought that was my thing.

01:01:58.000 Really?

01:01:58.000 Yeah, I'd get so discouraged at open mics, I'd be like, let me stick to painting.

01:02:01.000 Let me just stick to painting.

01:02:02.000 Wow.

01:02:03.000 But, yeah, it's fucking dope, man.

01:02:05.000 And my uncle's like, in my opinion, he's like a grandmaster painter.

01:02:09.000 He's been painting for years.

01:02:10.000 He learned.

01:02:11.000 So my dad had a body shop when I was a kid.

01:02:14.000 Very small.

01:02:16.000 Now, back in these days, my dad was involved in, you know, less than legal business.

01:02:19.000 So this body shop was a front, technically.

01:02:22.000 You know what I mean?

01:02:23.000 But, I mean, they got business.

01:02:25.000 And they got good.

01:02:26.000 And my dad hired this painter named Alfred.

01:02:30.000 I mean, rest in peace.

01:02:31.000 Alfred, fucking badass painter.

01:02:33.000 Crazy old guy.

01:02:34.000 He used to know how to breakdance.

01:02:36.000 This shit was badass.

01:02:38.000 Alfred Todd, my uncle, had a painter.

01:02:40.000 My uncle Jose.

01:02:41.000 My uncle was young.

01:02:43.000 My uncle was kind of like a knucklehead at one point.

01:02:46.000 As a teenager, he was involved in gang shit, some drug deals, whatever.

01:02:50.000 But my uncle had a kid very young and snapped out of it quick.

01:02:55.000 Just wanted to be a respectable man.

01:02:58.000 Just do the right thing.

01:02:59.000 You know what I mean?

01:03:00.000 And he's still that guy to this day.

01:03:01.000 My uncle's been working the body shop since he was like...

01:03:04.000 I might be getting the age wrong, but he's like 20. Right now he's in his late 30s, mid 30s.

01:03:10.000 And he's still like the guy who goes into the shop at 8am, will stay there till fucking midnight if he has to, but he puts food on the table.

01:03:18.000 You know what I'm saying?

01:03:18.000 Right.

01:03:19.000 But he learned from this dude, Alfred.

01:03:21.000 Fucking badass knowledge on painting.

01:03:24.000 My uncle would teach it to me.

01:03:25.000 When I was a teenager, my dad also had a car wash.

01:03:28.000 I'd go work in the summer sometimes.

01:03:30.000 And I'd get so mad at the car wash.

01:03:33.000 Like, I hated it.

01:03:34.000 I'm like, bro, anybody can just fucking rinse the car off, put the soap.

01:03:38.000 Like, there was next door, like, across the street from the body shop.

01:03:41.000 So after work, we would go hang out at the body shop with everybody.

01:03:44.000 I would tell my uncle, because I don't know if my dad was going to take me serious or not.

01:03:47.000 I'll be like, can you teach me how to paint?

01:03:48.000 I was like, I don't want to work over there.

01:03:50.000 I was like, don't even paint me if you don't want.

01:03:51.000 Just teach me how to paint.

01:03:52.000 Have me over here.

01:03:53.000 Like, I want to sand the cars.

01:03:54.000 I want to fucking do real shit, you know?

01:03:57.000 Yeah.

01:03:57.000 So he'd teach me every now and then.

01:03:58.000 As I got older, I'd spend a couple weekends over there at the body shop with my uncle, whatever.

01:04:04.000 Um...

01:04:05.000 After high school, while my dad was already locked up or whatever, my uncle, I guess, to check on me, make sure I wasn't getting sad or some shit, he would just call me, kind of would have given me a choice.

01:04:16.000 He'd be like, hey, I need help.

01:04:17.000 Come help me out with her.

01:04:19.000 I was like, alright.

01:04:20.000 I started getting good.

01:04:22.000 I went to paid school for a while to get certified.

01:04:25.000 Those guys hooked me up with a job, like, at a better shop.

01:04:27.000 My uncle, I would also cut hair.

01:04:29.000 So my uncle would always be like, man, just be a barber.

01:04:31.000 Like, you don't want to be in a fucking shop sweating your ass off, breaking your back.

01:04:34.000 Like, do something where you're going to be in the AC. You know what I mean?

01:04:37.000 Like, work smarter, not harder.

01:04:40.000 I eventually did that, but at the time, I'm like, I want to fucking learn this, you know?

01:04:44.000 Let me do this.

01:04:45.000 So I went and worked at a body shop, and I worked at one with this painter.

01:04:50.000 Man, I hate not to talk down on another man, but that guy wasn't worth a fuck.

01:04:55.000 He was a cool painter, but he didn't care.

01:04:57.000 So I was the paint prepper.

01:04:59.000 What do you mean he didn't care?

01:05:00.000 He wasn't in there to do good work.

01:05:03.000 He was in there to just get his paycheck, and he wasn't even there a lot of the time, man.

01:05:10.000 You know, like, there's a lot of preparation that goes into painting a car.

01:05:13.000 A lot of sanding.

01:05:14.000 So you gotta fucking sand and sand and sand and make sure you sand this and then you gotta clean it this way and make sure there's no, like, type of chemicals in the air.

01:05:22.000 Like, you can't keep, like, Armoural or anything they use for a detailed car.

01:05:27.000 You can't have that in the same room you're painting in.

01:05:28.000 You'll get a chemical reaction and your paint job will look like shit.

01:05:31.000 Really?

01:05:32.000 Yeah.

01:05:32.000 Just in the air?

01:05:33.000 Yeah, there's tons of little details.

01:05:35.000 Mechanic work and paint work cannot be in the same room.

01:05:38.000 Really?

01:05:39.000 Yeah, you just can't.

01:05:40.000 You can't have it, you know what I mean?

01:05:41.000 So, Armor All just being in the room will fuck up your paint?

01:05:45.000 Yeah, bro.

01:05:46.000 If you, like, let's say- That's wild.

01:05:48.000 Let's say you, like, sprayed some Armor All on some shit or you wiped the car down and you weren't supposed to, like, which is anything that was, like, cleaning product, you have to be careful what exactly you're using.

01:05:58.000 So you're saying if the armor all contacted the paint physically?

01:06:02.000 Nah, like even if it's just kind of like...

01:06:04.000 In the air?

01:06:04.000 Yeah.

01:06:05.000 I mean, at least that's how careful we were.

01:06:07.000 What is that doing to you then?

01:06:09.000 What do you mean?

01:06:10.000 Oh, all the paint stuff?

01:06:11.000 Oh, it's killing you.

01:06:13.000 It's got to be I mean, the pain is worse than the armor.

01:06:16.000 We're, like, breathing in, like, primer.

01:06:18.000 We're breathing in, like, bondo dust.

01:06:19.000 We're breathing in so much stuff.

01:06:21.000 Is there a lot of people that have, like, lung problems that are painters?

01:06:24.000 Oh, yeah.

01:06:25.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:06:25.000 Even if you don't, like, get the lung cancer, right?

01:06:28.000 Let's say you live a full life as a painter.

01:06:30.000 They've done autopsies on painters.

01:06:32.000 Their lungs are, like, different colors.

01:06:34.000 Oh, Jesus Christ.

01:06:35.000 Really?

01:06:36.000 Yeah.

01:06:36.000 But, I mean, I'd rather have different colors than just, you know, nasty pink or whatever.

01:06:40.000 What if you wear one of those Fauci masks?

01:06:41.000 They help.

01:06:42.000 No, like, definitely wear your mask, wear your gloves, they help.

01:06:45.000 But the shit is there, you know what I mean?

01:06:47.000 You're getting it in even through those crazy masks?

01:06:49.000 Yeah, for sure.

01:06:50.000 You know, there's no way.

01:06:51.000 And then there's different masks.

01:06:52.000 There's masks that will help you block the dust from, like, primer or, like, from the body filler.

01:07:00.000 But those masks aren't going to help you when it comes to paint and, like, vice versa.

01:07:03.000 Oh, so you gotta swap masks when you're sanding versus when you're painting.

01:07:08.000 Yeah.

01:07:08.000 So I started getting pretty good as a painter.

01:07:12.000 Especially when I went to work at a shop where my uncle's not babysitting me anymore.

01:07:15.000 Now I'm learning on my own.

01:07:17.000 And when I say on my own, I mean...

01:07:18.000 The reason I say that one painter wasn't worth a damn was because...

01:07:23.000 When you first work at a shop and you're trying to be a painter, you gotta be a paint prepper or a painter's apprentice for a few years.

01:07:30.000 So it's my job to prepare the car every step of the way up until it's in the booth, taped up, ready to get painted.

01:07:39.000 That's when the painter would just show up.

01:07:41.000 I don't know.

01:07:42.000 He's probably just been kicking it at the house all day.

01:07:44.000 He'll show up, mix the paint, paint it, spray it, clear it, and he'd go home.

01:07:49.000 So I've been prepping these cars for like days on end.

01:07:52.000 I'm staying extra, you know?

01:07:53.000 Every now and then, if it was a smaller piece, like a bumper or just like a small piece of the car, they just leave it up to me.

01:08:00.000 They're like, well, you go ahead and knock it out.

01:08:01.000 So I started getting good.

01:08:03.000 There was a guy there.

01:08:04.000 Man, I forget his name.

01:08:05.000 Super cool ass fucking guy.

01:08:08.000 Who was just kind of like a shop hand, like he didn't really work on cars, but if you needed help, you know, sometimes you need help moving a fucking hood or a door, like just random shit.

01:08:18.000 He was there and he had a Buick, like it was his grandpa's Buick, like a 99, just regular Buick.

01:08:25.000 And he was like, man, I want you to paint it.

01:08:27.000 I want you to paint it.

01:08:28.000 So I painted like half the car.

01:08:30.000 Because only the front end needed it.

01:08:32.000 That was like my only like big paint job.

01:08:36.000 I started getting good.

01:08:37.000 But that's when I really jumped more into comedy.

01:08:41.000 So I just kind of quit and I did whatever I had to do to make sure comedy worked out.

01:08:44.000 And I went back to like cutting hair because it allowed me more time to jump to open mics quicker, you know?

01:08:50.000 How did you get on stage and what was the motivation?

01:08:53.000 Did your friends talk you into it?

01:08:55.000 Is it something you always wanted to do?

01:08:56.000 I always wanted to do it.

01:08:57.000 You were always a fan of comedy?

01:08:59.000 Yeah.

01:09:00.000 I wanted to be a comedic actor.

01:09:02.000 Oh, like movies and shit?

01:09:03.000 Movies, sketches, SNL, some shit like that.

01:09:05.000 I loved Chappelle's show.

01:09:07.000 I loved anything with Adam Sandler.

01:09:09.000 I loved anything with just funny movies.

01:09:13.000 Even though I'm very mellow on stage, I'm You know, I'm writing jokes and I make sure I say them right.

01:09:20.000 Before that, I was like a goofy kid.

01:09:23.000 And I think once I'm comfortable with people, I'm still like the goofy guy.

01:09:26.000 I'm doing impressions.

01:09:27.000 I'm doing fucking voices.

01:09:28.000 I'm a loud dude once I get super comfortable.

01:09:31.000 But I have to get comfortable.

01:09:32.000 You know what I mean?

01:09:33.000 And so then, where was your first open mic?

01:09:37.000 At Hyenas.

01:09:38.000 Hyenas in Dallas?

01:09:39.000 In Dallas.

01:09:39.000 Nice.

01:09:40.000 On a Wednesday night.

01:09:41.000 I signed up at 5 p.m., went up at 1.30 a.m.

01:09:44.000 Wow.

01:09:44.000 Yeah.

01:09:45.000 I got yelled at.

01:09:46.000 There was one comic that was up after me.

01:09:48.000 And he was there.

01:09:49.000 Or maybe two comics.

01:09:50.000 There was two guys in there.

01:09:51.000 But I know for sure one of those guys was after me.

01:09:53.000 I was like second to last or third to last.

01:09:55.000 And the dude was like, get the fuck out of here already.

01:09:57.000 He was like drunk.

01:09:58.000 He's just mad.

01:09:59.000 Oh, my God.

01:10:00.000 I had three minutes.

01:10:01.000 I did one and a half.

01:10:02.000 Because once he yelled at me, I was like, all right, that's my time.

01:10:04.000 Oh, my God.

01:10:05.000 But, that's the shit that we were talking about earlier, is that, like, I saw how hard I bombed, and it was fucking devastating to get yelled at at 1.30am, and just me and three, four people in the room that aren't even an audience, just other open micers, and leaving,

01:10:21.000 walking through the parking lot, I'm like, this isn't for me, this isn't for me, I just stick to my job, like, okay, you know?

01:10:27.000 But the next day, when I'm fucking sanding a car for three hours straight, the whole time in my head, I'm just like thinking of, well, if I would have said it different, or if I would have said this instead, or what if I tried this on stage?

01:10:37.000 Like, my mind was always there, you know?

01:10:40.000 So I'd go back.

01:10:41.000 But then I'd get discouraged again.

01:10:43.000 Older dudes would scare me.

01:10:44.000 Bro, I'm a very introverted person.

01:10:46.000 I've been breaking out of my shell more and more.

01:10:48.000 You know, you kind of have to in the comedy world.

01:10:50.000 But I was so introverted.

01:10:51.000 Sometimes I'll tell people that they're like, no, you're not.

01:10:53.000 And it's like, all right, I'm not, whatever.

01:10:55.000 But I am.

01:10:56.000 Like, to talk to people would feel like a tremendous fucking stress and fear.

01:10:59.000 Like, I freak out.

01:11:00.000 Even to this day, if I'm walking through the mall and somebody who might be a fan or something is walking up to me and I see them walking, the whole time in my head I'm just like, oh shit, oh shit, ugh.

01:11:09.000 And then they're like, what's up, man?

01:11:09.000 Big fan.

01:11:10.000 And I'm like, oh, okay.

01:11:11.000 All right.

01:11:11.000 Hey, what's up, bro?

01:11:12.000 Thanks, man.

01:11:13.000 But as soon as it's over, I'm like, fucking thank God.

01:11:17.000 But yeah, man, so I don't know.

01:11:20.000 So that's why I never really stuck to paintings.

01:11:22.000 Comedy took over.

01:11:23.000 So when did you start pursuing it full-time?

01:11:26.000 How many years in were you?

01:11:29.000 So when I'm like 19, 18, I'm doing it once every few months.

01:11:34.000 But once I was 20, I just every night didn't stop going.

01:11:40.000 You know what I mean?

01:11:41.000 Like just fuck it, like full blast.

01:11:43.000 Yeah.

01:11:44.000 Because I think that's when I finally got like a laugh.

01:11:47.000 Do you remember the joke?

01:11:49.000 Yeah, it wasn't even a joke.

01:11:50.000 It was, like, just a reaction to a dude in the crowd, man.

01:11:53.000 And that was, like, my first hard lesson in comedy.

01:11:55.000 I went up at a place called Backdoor Comedy, where you have to be clean, which, shout out to them, I feel like that's the place that really made me love comedy, because you can't even talk about, like, the restroom.

01:12:06.000 So I feel like that forced me to really write, you know what I mean?

01:12:09.000 Get creative.

01:12:10.000 Right, right, right.

01:12:11.000 Instead of taking the easier way out.

01:12:13.000 Yeah.

01:12:14.000 And I wouldn't say I'm necessarily a clean comic now.

01:12:16.000 I feel like...

01:12:17.000 I feel like there's no set style I want to have.

01:12:19.000 Like, if there's a joke that's dirty or cuss words, fuck it.

01:12:22.000 You know what I mean?

01:12:22.000 If it's funny, it's funny.

01:12:23.000 But that room, I was so nervous.

01:12:26.000 I was like, I gotta be clean.

01:12:28.000 And it took place.

01:12:29.000 The show, the little tiny...

01:12:31.000 It's not even a club.

01:12:32.000 It's just a room that used to be located inside the Hilton Doubletree.

01:12:37.000 And the audience that would show up for them, they'd get a real audience for the mic.

01:12:40.000 But it was kind of like classier uppity folk, a lot of white people with money, which intimidated the fuck out of me.

01:12:45.000 I was never used to leaving my own little circle.

01:12:48.000 And as I was walking up to the stage, there was this dude, this older white guy and a button down, his arms crossed.

01:12:54.000 And that guy just scared the shit out of me.

01:12:57.000 I had a neighbor who...

01:12:59.000 Every time I walked by his house, if he happened to see me, or just kids, he'd stare really hard.

01:13:04.000 Like, I'm pretty sure he was a little racist, you know?

01:13:06.000 He'd just stare, like, making sure we didn't take nothing from his yard.

01:13:09.000 He'd just stare.

01:13:10.000 He didn't care if you saw him.

01:13:11.000 He had a glass door.

01:13:12.000 He would stand behind the glass door, just like, fucking staring hard.

01:13:16.000 And he looked like that guy to me.

01:13:18.000 So as I walked up...

01:13:19.000 I just looked at that guy.

01:13:21.000 I didn't think about my jokes.

01:13:21.000 I didn't think about nothing.

01:13:22.000 I was like, man, this dude looks like he caught the cops on me already.

01:13:25.000 And the audience laughed.

01:13:26.000 And the first lesson was like, just fucking, you know, say what you're going to say.

01:13:30.000 Be vulnerable.

01:13:31.000 Be honest.

01:13:32.000 And that was like my first little lesson.

01:13:34.000 Like, it worked, you know?

01:13:35.000 So then you start feeling it.

01:13:37.000 Yeah.

01:13:38.000 After I got that laugh, it wasn't even like a huge laugh where they're going to clap, but it was a laugh.

01:13:43.000 Something.

01:13:43.000 But you know, that first time you get a laugh, it feels like you just destroyed the room.

01:13:46.000 Yeah.

01:13:47.000 And after that, I'd get a little better.

01:13:49.000 I was able to deliver for a minute, and then I was able to deliver for two.

01:13:53.000 They'd give you three minutes at that mic.

01:13:55.000 So then two minutes would go good, and then three, and then I'd have like a killer three.

01:14:00.000 Linda Stogner, the owner of that place, started letting me host the weekends with just three minutes.

01:14:05.000 But it's like a showcase-style room, and there's tons of comics.

01:14:09.000 The show would go on for like two hours, and there's just so many comics.

01:14:13.000 I'd take it.

01:14:14.000 I'd host for three minutes, and then the next fucking two hours, I'd do my three-minute set, and then the next two hours just host.

01:14:22.000 Remember people's credits, whatever.

01:14:23.000 Right.

01:14:24.000 But, yeah, I loved it, man.

01:14:25.000 I also just love going to different clubs.

01:14:27.000 I feel like Dallas was too small of a scene for people to click up, but they did.

01:14:31.000 They'd be like, nah, that's a hyenas comic, or that's a Dallas Comedy Club comic.

01:14:35.000 Really?

01:14:36.000 Yeah, and then, you know, Dallas Comedy Club was maybe where you'd go if you were a little more, like, on the woke side.

01:14:42.000 Not necessarily too woke, but, you know, you were a little cleaner, a little friendlier.

01:14:45.000 Hyenas was where you'd go if you just wanted to say some shit, get a little more raunchy.

01:14:49.000 Backdoor was definitely, like...

01:14:53.000 Where I feel like a lot of good fucking, like, comics would go on the weekend.

01:14:58.000 Sometimes people would just pop in because they'd happen to have some extra time on the weekend.

01:15:04.000 But I liked going to all of them, man.

01:15:06.000 Because all of them, you had shit to learn.

01:15:07.000 You know what I mean?

01:15:08.000 Yeah.

01:15:08.000 It's good to get a variety in.

01:15:10.000 It's so silly to think of yourself as, I'm a this club comic.

01:15:14.000 I guess we kind of used to do that with a comedy store.

01:15:17.000 But even then, it's like you still did...

01:15:19.000 Even at the comedy store, I've seen...

01:15:20.000 I mean, I've never lived in LA, but I've been in there tons of times just to watch and shit, you know?

01:15:25.000 Even there, you get a variety of comics who have different styles.

01:15:29.000 That's what I fucking love.

01:15:30.000 There's this Bruce Lee movie...

01:15:32.000 I don't remember the movie, but I saved the video.

01:15:34.000 I have, like, screen recorded on my phone, and sometimes I watch it on the plane, airplane mode.

01:15:38.000 I have a video where he's talking to, like, you know, like a grandmaster-type dude, and he's questioning Bruce Lee.

01:15:45.000 And that one quote, I feel like, just applies so much to not only comedy, but everything.

01:15:50.000 He asked Bruce Lee, he's like, what is...

01:15:53.000 The highest technique you hope to achieve.

01:15:56.000 And Bruce Lee's like, to have no technique.

01:15:59.000 I was like, bro, that's fucking it right there.

01:16:02.000 Like, that's the thing, you know what I mean?

01:16:04.000 Like, I get it.

01:16:05.000 A clean comic is a clean comic, and they're funny or whatever, right?

01:16:07.000 Some people only want clean comedy, and a dirty comic is funny as fuck.

01:16:10.000 Some people only want that.

01:16:11.000 But to be able to do everything, you know what I mean?

01:16:14.000 Yeah.

01:16:14.000 Like, to not subject yourself to one style of comedy, like, that's fucking hilarious.

01:16:19.000 Yeah.

01:16:20.000 Yeah.

01:16:20.000 That's the beauty of having to do a clean set for television.

01:16:24.000 You do have to work on it.

01:16:27.000 And sometimes when you're working on stuff like that, it's a good exercise in being locked into a rigid structure where you can't talk about blowjobs, you can't talk about...

01:16:40.000 Anything crazy.

01:16:41.000 You have like a FCC set of rules or whatever it is.

01:16:44.000 When you do that, it forces you to think of alternative ways for things to be funny other than going to like a cheap laugh.

01:16:54.000 Yeah.

01:16:54.000 You know, sometimes cheap laughs are the funniest, though.

01:16:57.000 That's the problem.

01:16:58.000 Like Joey Diaz.

01:16:59.000 Like, he's got great...

01:17:01.000 Great punchlines, but great timing.

01:17:03.000 But it's also, he will go for it wherever it is.

01:17:07.000 It's just like, whatever is the funniest fucking thing to say right now, I'm going for that.

01:17:11.000 Yeah.

01:17:11.000 There's no thought of, like, Joey would never do a clean TV set.

01:17:15.000 Yeah.

01:17:15.000 It would be hell.

01:17:16.000 You can't do that to Joey, but Joey's got to be wild and like for him to be locked into a TV set that isn't That's not the way for him.

01:17:26.000 Mm-hmm, but also for him.

01:17:28.000 He's the funny I've never seen anybody funnier in my life in all the people I've seen murder all the Chappelle and Chris Rock and Shane Gillis and fuck all the murderers and Joey Diaz in the original room at like 11.30 p.m.

01:17:45.000 on a fucking Wednesday night or something like that has made me laugh harder than anybody.

01:17:49.000 Anybody.

01:17:50.000 I mean, there was like six, seven comics in the back room at one point in time.

01:17:54.000 He was doing this bit about Terry Crews, about that agent who grabbed Terry Crews' dick.

01:17:59.000 Yeah.

01:18:00.000 And Terry Crews was shaking his big dick in his underwear in those commercials that he did.

01:18:05.000 And this guy was going crazy.

01:18:07.000 Bro, we were falling on the ground laughing.

01:18:10.000 We couldn't breathe.

01:18:12.000 He hits RPMs.

01:18:15.000 A lot of people redline at 7,000, 8,000.

01:18:18.000 It's really funny.

01:18:19.000 It's great.

01:18:20.000 But Joey gets to like 9. And you're like, holy shit, man.

01:18:25.000 I've never got to see him live, but I want to.

01:18:27.000 Oh my god.

01:18:28.000 Oh my god.

01:18:28.000 He still has it.

01:18:29.000 He came to the mothership.

01:18:30.000 Hell yeah.

01:18:31.000 He only did one show.

01:18:32.000 I love people like that, too, that are funny as fuck onstage and offstage.

01:18:37.000 Well, that was the thing about Joey.

01:18:39.000 When I brought him on the road, I brought him on the road for two reasons.

01:18:43.000 One, because I love him.

01:18:44.000 And two, because he's really funny and it challenges me.

01:18:46.000 I was going on after him.

01:18:48.000 But also, he's funny all the time.

01:18:52.000 He's funny when you're at dinner.

01:18:54.000 He's funny in the green room.

01:18:55.000 It's a party.

01:18:57.000 Joey brings the party.

01:18:58.000 So when we would all go on the road together, it was just fun.

01:19:01.000 It was family together, you know, like fucking Vin Diesel would say.

01:19:07.000 But it was like that.

01:19:08.000 We're good friends.

01:19:09.000 So we're just having a great time.

01:19:12.000 Me and Ari and Duncan and Joey.

01:19:15.000 We're in these different fucking towns, but it's always us.

01:19:18.000 So we're always laughing.

01:19:20.000 You know, we're in the fucking hotel lobby, just sitting on the couches laughing at two o'clock in the morning, just cracking jokes and laughing, just hanging out.

01:19:27.000 That's what I like about, I guess, traveling with my buddies from home.

01:19:29.000 I do feel bad sometimes.

01:19:30.000 I'm like, man, I should give somebody else a chance, like a local.

01:19:33.000 I know sometimes they want to hop on a show.

01:19:34.000 And for the most part, I give guest spots like crazy if people ask.

01:19:38.000 I'll go five, six cities in a row where, like, maybe nobody's really fucking with me in that city or nobody's really trying to ask for a guest spot.

01:19:45.000 Or maybe they ask the club.

01:19:46.000 I don't know if the club's selling it yet or not.

01:19:47.000 But if you ask me, like, you're there?

01:19:49.000 Yeah.

01:19:50.000 I don't even have to watch your set, bro.

01:19:51.000 Like, if you're a comic who's taking the chance of...

01:19:53.000 Oh, you should have never said that.

01:19:54.000 I should have never said that.

01:19:55.000 Now I'm going to get bugged like crazy.

01:19:56.000 Oh, my God.

01:19:57.000 You're going to get annoyed by people that shouldn't be on stage.

01:19:59.000 I also just stopped, you know, checking social media, so...

01:20:02.000 It's good luck finding you.

01:20:03.000 But for the most part, man, there's people that are like...

01:20:06.000 It's also the way they ask, man.

01:20:09.000 Some people be like, what's up, bro?

01:20:10.000 Let me hop on.

01:20:11.000 What the fuck?

01:20:12.000 I'm like, bro, who the fuck are you?

01:20:13.000 Why are you talking to me like that?

01:20:14.000 I don't know you.

01:20:15.000 You ain't boys like that.

01:20:16.000 But for the most part, there'll be comics that are like, hey, man, any chance I could do some time on your show?

01:20:21.000 Big fan, whatever.

01:20:22.000 Or if you have room, if not, fuck it.

01:20:25.000 I'll be like, yeah, bro, hop on.

01:20:26.000 You know what I mean?

01:20:27.000 I might not be able to give you a...

01:20:29.000 A full seven, maybe do a five or something, or it depends who else is with me.

01:20:33.000 But yeah, bro, I'm down.

01:20:34.000 Or even if I run into people that I already have met before, or I feel like they're working at it, they're pretty funny, like, I'll offer them some stage time.

01:20:41.000 Even if the guys who are already with me have to do less time, they're pretty cool about, like, fuck it, they're not greedy, you know what I mean?

01:20:47.000 Sometimes, like...

01:20:49.000 The main two guys that have been with me, my buddy Jesus Castillo and Luis Juarez, they're comics out of Dallas.

01:20:54.000 When I was early on, they were already kind of on and popping within Texas, so they'd take me to, like, open up in San Antonio or Abilene or Houston, you know, if they get a one-night here or there.

01:21:04.000 So those dudes were on the road with me now, and sometimes they might tell me, like, hey, bro, like, is there any chance I could do a longer set?

01:21:11.000 Like, I haven't really got a long set in a while, and, you know, I want to...

01:21:15.000 Fucking feel it, because maybe they got a headline gig coming up.

01:21:18.000 They've only been doing 10-15 for the last month or two.

01:21:22.000 So yeah, sometimes then I'll be like, alright, well, fuck it.

01:21:25.000 Let me close this show out.

01:21:26.000 It's only you two.

01:21:28.000 Each does 20. If you want to go over, fuck it.

01:21:30.000 This crowd's going to have fun either way.

01:21:33.000 But yeah, if I can, man, I'm down to share the stage, bro.

01:21:37.000 That's great.

01:21:39.000 That's great.

01:21:40.000 Look, in best case scenario, I met a lot of great friends doing the road where I'd never seen him before.

01:21:47.000 Tom Segura.

01:21:47.000 I did a show with him in Phoenix.

01:21:50.000 Never saw him before.

01:21:51.000 And he went up.

01:21:53.000 He went up first.

01:21:54.000 And he was hilarious.

01:21:55.000 And I said, hey man, what are you working out of?

01:21:57.000 And we started talking.

01:21:58.000 I said, I want to take you on the road.

01:22:00.000 And he was like, pfft.

01:22:01.000 He didn't believe it.

01:22:02.000 Then I called him up the next week.

01:22:04.000 I'm like, come on, man.

01:22:05.000 Let's go.

01:22:06.000 Let's go have some fun.

01:22:07.000 And we're like best friends now.

01:22:10.000 I love that dude to death.

01:22:11.000 He's out here, too.

01:22:12.000 Yeah.

01:22:12.000 He moved out here first.

01:22:13.000 He was one of the first.

01:22:15.000 Hinchcliffe was first.

01:22:15.000 Well, Ron White was here before all of us.

01:22:18.000 Ron White had told me about it.

01:22:19.000 He had already moved before the pandemic.

01:22:21.000 Oh, shit.

01:22:21.000 Because I fucking love Austin.

01:22:23.000 Austin's a shit.

01:22:24.000 He goes, I can travel, do all my gigs.

01:22:26.000 It's in the middle of the country.

01:22:27.000 I was like, man, I don't know if I could live in Austin.

01:22:30.000 That's what I was thinking back then.

01:22:31.000 Like, you know, I'm in LA, my podcast is there, the store is there, jujitsu's there.

01:22:36.000 I don't know if I could leave yet.

01:22:38.000 But then the pandemic hit, and I was like, what?

01:22:40.000 I gotta get the fuck out of here.

01:22:42.000 And Ron was already here.

01:22:44.000 And so when we first came down, you know, Ron had told me, like, where to go, what's the cool spots.

01:22:49.000 And I'd been here a few times before doing stand-up over the years, you know.

01:22:53.000 Never really spent, like, a lot of time here.

01:22:56.000 But then when I decided to move, I was telling everybody, I was like, fuck that place, man.

01:23:02.000 Like, I'm thinking about opening a club.

01:23:05.000 And I first started, I got this place that was run by a cult.

01:23:11.000 The first building I got was this building called the One World Theater.

01:23:16.000 And it's a theater that...

01:23:17.000 Such a cult-ass name, too.

01:23:18.000 Such a cult-ass name.

01:23:20.000 But I think they named it that after the cult left.

01:23:23.000 One of the guys that was in the cult actually still owned it.

01:23:26.000 So what had happened was this dude ran a cult in West Hollywood.

01:23:31.000 And he's this really beautiful, handsome yoga guy.

01:23:35.000 He was a hypnotist and a gay porn star.

01:23:38.000 Oh shit.

01:23:39.000 Oh shit, yeah.

01:23:40.000 So this dude runs this cult in West Hollywood and then Waco pops off.

01:23:43.000 And the Cult Awareness Network is like, they're now investigating cults.

01:23:48.000 And there's a bunch of family members that have been complaining about this cult.

01:23:51.000 So this dude in the middle of the night fucking jets and takes off across the country and moves to Austin.

01:23:58.000 And changes his name.

01:24:00.000 And has all the cult members eventually come out here, and he wants them to build a theater so that he can dance in front of them.

01:24:06.000 That's the place I bought.

01:24:08.000 Yeah?

01:24:08.000 Yeah, bro.

01:24:10.000 And I bought it because Ron was like, you should buy that place, I don't buy the cult, it's the shit.

01:24:14.000 I didn't stand up there once, it's fucking beautiful.

01:24:17.000 So, you know, Ron White's the man, so he tells me I should buy that place.

01:24:20.000 I'm like, all right, that'd probably be the perfect spot.

01:24:22.000 And so we were in the middle of this whole thing, but it all fell apart.

01:24:26.000 There were some issues that had to be dealt with that weren't dealt with.

01:24:29.000 I don't even know if I'm allowed to talk about them, so I won't.

01:24:31.000 But the point is, that was the original spot, and that fell apart, and then it was like a long time to try to find another spot.

01:24:39.000 And then Ron White grabbed me after I did that set with him at the Vulcan.

01:24:44.000 He's like, whatever the fuck we have to do, we're doing this.

01:24:47.000 I was like, okay, let's go.

01:24:49.000 Do you ever wonder if Ron White isn't really just a figment of your imagination?

01:24:53.000 He's your conscience?

01:24:54.000 No, Ron White isn't.

01:24:56.000 That's a real dude.

01:24:58.000 That's a real dude.

01:24:59.000 I love that kind of death.

01:25:01.000 He's our elder statesman of stand-up.

01:25:04.000 Everybody loves Ron White.

01:25:06.000 There's no Ron White haters out there.

01:25:08.000 Ron White is amazing.

01:25:10.000 He's just a beautiful person, too.

01:25:12.000 He's just great.

01:25:14.000 Every time I see him, I can't wait to hug him.

01:25:15.000 He's great.

01:25:16.000 And he's at the club.

01:25:17.000 He'll probably be there tonight if he's in town.

01:25:19.000 He's there all the time.

01:25:20.000 He does weekends here sometimes.

01:25:22.000 He does headlines on weeknights sometimes.

01:25:25.000 And that's what made him decide to go back on the road again.

01:25:28.000 Which is exciting.

01:25:29.000 Because I've never seen him better.

01:25:31.000 He's as good as he's ever been.

01:25:33.000 He's a fucking straight up killer.

01:25:34.000 If you could watch one last set.

01:25:37.000 Like this was your last set before you just disappeared.

01:25:40.000 Of anybody?

01:25:41.000 Alive?

01:25:41.000 Of anybody alive.

01:25:42.000 It'd probably be Joey.

01:25:44.000 Joey?

01:25:44.000 I was about to ask you, Joey or Ron?

01:25:46.000 Either one.

01:25:47.000 Boy, a show with Joey and Ron would be the perfect way to get out of this world and see that.

01:25:52.000 Yeah.

01:25:53.000 That's cool, man.

01:25:54.000 That's a cool thing to know.

01:25:55.000 Well, Joey, I love him so much.

01:25:57.000 You know, it's not just that I think he's the funniest guy ever.

01:26:01.000 He's just, I love that dude so much.

01:26:04.000 I'd probably go out watching an open mic.

01:26:06.000 You know what I mean?

01:26:07.000 Go out the way you came in.

01:26:09.000 Go out watch this little bomb.

01:26:11.000 I feel like this is horrible.

01:26:12.000 Goodbye.

01:26:13.000 I can't watch open mics bomb.

01:26:14.000 Nah?

01:26:15.000 I can't.

01:26:15.000 I gotta get out of the room.

01:26:16.000 I feel like it's contagious.

01:26:17.000 Like when I would go on the road and I'd have a terrible opening act, it's always, always in Florida.

01:26:24.000 They would throw people up.

01:26:25.000 They'd been doing stand-up for five minutes.

01:26:27.000 They'd never done stand-up before.

01:26:29.000 These people were terrible.

01:26:31.000 So many of these clubs, they were so bad.

01:26:33.000 And I would be in the green room and I'd peek my head out and watch this dude just eat shit.

01:26:38.000 I'd be like, oh my god, I gotta get in my own head.

01:26:39.000 I can't pay attention to that.

01:26:41.000 Because I would try to pay attention to make sure that they're not talking about stuff that I talk about.

01:26:46.000 I don't want to cover the same ground.

01:26:48.000 So I'd listen to the opening act to try to figure out, like, oh, he talked about that movie.

01:26:52.000 I can't talk about that movie.

01:26:54.000 Let me adjust my set.

01:26:55.000 But they were so bad, I had to hide.

01:26:57.000 I'm like, I just got to be in this fucking room by myself.

01:27:00.000 I got to listen to music or something.

01:27:01.000 I can't do this, man.

01:27:04.000 I think it's contagious.

01:27:05.000 Like, you start thinking nothing's funny.

01:27:07.000 There's nothing funny in the world.

01:27:09.000 Nothing's funny.

01:27:09.000 This guy's not funny.

01:27:10.000 I feel that.

01:27:11.000 But if someone's funny, then you feel like, oh good, I'm loose now.

01:27:15.000 They're laughing, I'm laughing, everyone's having a good time.

01:27:19.000 I also try not to listen too much to other comics before I start trying to write in their voice or something like that.

01:27:24.000 You know what I mean?

01:27:25.000 Well, that was a real problem in the come-up, right?

01:27:28.000 When people are on their way up.

01:27:29.000 A lot of people in New York sound exactly like Dave Attell.

01:27:33.000 You know, there was a lot of this.

01:27:35.000 There was a lot of punchlines.

01:27:37.000 It sounded like Dave.

01:27:38.000 And it's just because his rhythm is so funny.

01:27:42.000 He's such a virtuoso that when he's on stage, it's so smooth and it goes into this...

01:27:50.000 He's got this flow to him that's so contagious.

01:27:53.000 And so you want to be funny too.

01:27:55.000 You're like, maybe I need to talk like that.

01:27:58.000 I need to talk like Dave.

01:28:00.000 There's a lot of guys who get caught up in other people's...

01:28:03.000 I did it for a while.

01:28:04.000 I caught myself on stage once when I was an open-miker.

01:28:07.000 I sounded exactly like Richard Jenne.

01:28:09.000 I was a giant Richard Jenne fan.

01:28:11.000 And I sounded like...

01:28:13.000 I was doing like his timing.

01:28:15.000 Like his...

01:28:15.000 It was like...

01:28:16.000 I was like, oh no.

01:28:19.000 I realized it while I was doing it.

01:28:21.000 I was like, yuck.

01:28:23.000 Don't do that.

01:28:24.000 I feel like a lot of the comedians I see in New York would talk very fast.

01:28:29.000 And then I kind of tried to do that.

01:28:32.000 And I tried to do that when I first started doing stand-up too.

01:28:35.000 I'd be so nervous.

01:28:36.000 I'm just trying to get it out already.

01:28:37.000 Yeah.

01:28:38.000 But I can't talk that fast.

01:28:40.000 And some people will get mad.

01:28:41.000 Those are some of the feedback I've gotten back on stand-up.

01:28:45.000 It's like, ah, it's just too slow for me.

01:28:47.000 But I can't.

01:28:49.000 Talk that fast because I won't be able to enunciate.

01:28:52.000 And I think it's because my tongue is kind of big.

01:28:54.000 I got this white-ass tongue.

01:28:56.000 So this guy, I bet you if he sees, he's going to freak out.

01:29:01.000 He loves the credit.

01:29:02.000 There's a guy named Bobby Goldsmith in Dallas.

01:29:05.000 Who would go to the back door open mic a lot.

01:29:07.000 And one time he told me, he was like, hey man, you're like, you're funny.

01:29:13.000 You have good material.

01:29:14.000 He's like, but the audience doesn't know it because you're talking too fast and you don't enunciate.

01:29:18.000 He's like, slow down.

01:29:20.000 He's like, talk slow.

01:29:21.000 He's like, talk slow.

01:29:22.000 And so I just, I just fuck it.

01:29:24.000 Like, I just put the nerves to the side.

01:29:26.000 Yeah.

01:29:27.000 I just said the jokes as if I was reading them off a paper.

01:29:30.000 And I started getting more laughs.

01:29:31.000 And I was just like, man, like, Now I'm kind of finding my timing with it, but like I'll never be able to talk super fast.

01:29:38.000 You won't fucking understand.

01:29:40.000 Some dudes mumble and then when they get on stage they mumbled like Ari used to mumble and it was hard to understand.

01:29:47.000 I go, dude, I don't know what the fuck you're saying.

01:29:49.000 I'm your friend.

01:29:51.000 I go, you gotta clean those words up.

01:29:53.000 Make those words real clear.

01:29:57.000 These people don't know you.

01:29:59.000 You're a professional orator.

01:30:01.000 Stop mumbling.

01:30:02.000 I feel like I'm still learning how to hold the mic.

01:30:04.000 Sometimes I'm like 30 minutes into a set and I just angle it up a bit.

01:30:09.000 I'm like, that sounds better.

01:30:11.000 Or you switch hands.

01:30:13.000 I used to only have to hold it in my right hand.

01:30:15.000 Now it seems like I don't want to use my right hand anymore.

01:30:17.000 I want to hold it with my left.

01:30:19.000 And I switch back and forth for like years.

01:30:21.000 I'll switch sometimes, but yeah, I can't.

01:30:24.000 I have to hold it on my left.

01:30:25.000 That's the other thing about Joey.

01:30:26.000 He's the funniest guy ever that just leaves the mic in the stand.

01:30:29.000 Oh, man.

01:30:30.000 Never takes the mic out of that stand.

01:30:31.000 People always hype up the chair.

01:30:34.000 Like, don't get me wrong.

01:30:35.000 Ali Sadiq, that's one of my all-time favorite comics.

01:30:36.000 I think it was fucking hilarious, right?

01:30:38.000 But people hype up the chair.

01:30:39.000 They're like, oh, so tough to sit in the chair.

01:30:41.000 Like, you gotta figure it out.

01:30:43.000 Like, not just anybody can sit in the chair.

01:30:45.000 You know, it's only Cosby and Ali that can figure that out.

01:30:48.000 But I think, like, funny is funny.

01:30:50.000 When you're listening to a comedy album, you're not like, oh, yeah, he's in the chair.

01:30:53.000 I can tell.

01:30:54.000 Yo, Bryan Simpson sits in that chair all the time.

01:30:56.000 Like, murders.

01:30:56.000 Right?

01:30:57.000 But that is...

01:30:59.000 That is one, like, fucking thing that I feel like I just can't do is leave the mic in the stand.

01:31:04.000 I've tried that.

01:31:05.000 I fucking bomb.

01:31:06.000 I don't know what it is.

01:31:07.000 I can't leave the mic in the stand.

01:31:09.000 Joey uses both hands.

01:31:11.000 He's got both hands going on, you know?

01:31:13.000 So he likes that fucking mic in the stand, cocksucker.

01:31:16.000 Some people got...

01:31:17.000 My buddy Hyman.

01:31:18.000 I grew up with this.

01:31:19.000 He's my childhood best friend.

01:31:20.000 Goofiest fucking guy I've ever met.

01:31:21.000 To me, this is, like, the funniest dude in life.

01:31:23.000 Just some goofy nerd.

01:31:25.000 Not to talk too much shit on my buddy Hyman, but just goofy in the face.

01:31:29.000 I took him with me when I did Bobby Lee's podcast, and Bobby Lee was instantly like, who the fuck's this guy?

01:31:35.000 And just fell in love with him instantly.

01:31:36.000 Started fucking with him and shit.

01:31:39.000 So I know that he's always wanted to do stand-up.

01:31:42.000 He's a comedy nerd.

01:31:43.000 He's the one that really taught me how to love comedy.

01:31:46.000 We'd watch movies, shows, and he'd be laughing his ass off at shit that most people don't realize that that's an intentional joke in a show, right?

01:31:54.000 Right.

01:31:55.000 We had like a falling out.

01:31:56.000 And when things started popping off for me with comedy, we still weren't talking.

01:31:59.000 But then we, you know, started talking again, whatever.

01:32:02.000 He's a photographer, a videographer back home for like nightclubs, very much in like the bar scene.

01:32:07.000 So I tell him like, hey man, like, come on the road with us.

01:32:10.000 Just take pictures, record my set so I can keep getting clips.

01:32:13.000 Like, you know, if you want to.

01:32:15.000 He'd be like, yeah, fuck it.

01:32:16.000 He'd come every now and then.

01:32:18.000 Then he started coming just every weekend.

01:32:20.000 And I'd be like, go do five minutes.

01:32:23.000 Like, fuck it.

01:32:23.000 Just do three minutes.

01:32:24.000 Do three minutes.

01:32:25.000 Whatever.

01:32:26.000 Like, tell a story.

01:32:27.000 You know?

01:32:28.000 Tell them what we did last night when we went out in Chicago or something.

01:32:31.000 And, man, it would just fucking go well.

01:32:35.000 I've never, like, I'm not even trying to hype this dude up too much, but I've never seen somebody go up on their first time and get that many laughs.

01:32:40.000 I'm not saying he had a fucking, like, just destroyed the room.

01:32:43.000 But to get, like, laughs that heavy on their first time?

01:32:46.000 I'm like, bro, there's something there.

01:32:48.000 You're a true fucking comedy fan.

01:32:50.000 You're like a comic at heart.

01:32:51.000 Just keep fucking trying it.

01:32:53.000 I'll keep throwing you up on stage.

01:32:55.000 That's beautiful.

01:32:56.000 But, you know, I also told him, like...

01:32:57.000 Is he still doing it?

01:32:57.000 Yeah.

01:32:58.000 He's been doing it a few months now.

01:32:59.000 But I tell him, like, you gotta hit mics, though, when we're at home.

01:33:01.000 Like, I'm not just gonna fucking throw you on stage so you can get babied by mic crowds, because, you know what I mean?

01:33:06.000 That's kind of...

01:33:06.000 He's got even more of a lucky break than you got.

01:33:09.000 Yeah.

01:33:10.000 Right?

01:33:10.000 Yeah.

01:33:11.000 Because you're throwing him up in front of packed houses.

01:33:13.000 Yeah.

01:33:14.000 But he'll go up there and won't take the mic out of the stand sometimes.

01:33:18.000 And I get so jealous.

01:33:19.000 I'm like, you're fucking...

01:33:20.000 You're doing good this early on, and you're not taking the fucking mic out?

01:33:23.000 Like, oh, man...

01:33:24.000 That's hilarious.

01:33:24.000 And he was up there like, he looks so cool.

01:33:26.000 He looked like fucking Norm Macdonald with his body moves.

01:33:28.000 She's like...

01:33:28.000 Well, he's a comedy fan, you know?

01:33:31.000 So if you're a comedy fan, you're watching...

01:33:33.000 Like, do you know Eleanor Kerrigan?

01:33:35.000 No.

01:33:35.000 She's hilarious.

01:33:36.000 She opens up for Dice Clay all the time.

01:33:38.000 Okay.

01:33:39.000 She was a waitress at the comedy store forever.

01:33:42.000 Forever.

01:33:43.000 We always knew her as a waitress.

01:33:45.000 And then she was a pro wrestler for a while.

01:33:48.000 She did like pro wrestling.

01:33:49.000 We all went to see her.

01:33:50.000 She was at the Forum.

01:33:51.000 She was an easy rider.

01:33:53.000 That was her wrestling name?

01:33:54.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:33:55.000 Bro, she was like a motorcycle lady.

01:33:57.000 She would fucking crush a pool ball in her hand in the fucking intro video.

01:34:01.000 It was hilarious.

01:34:02.000 She's really funny.

01:34:03.000 But anyway, and then she started doing stand-up.

01:34:06.000 And we're like, oh, you were always a comic.

01:34:08.000 You just never did it.

01:34:09.000 Yeah.

01:34:09.000 And she's great.

01:34:10.000 She headlines now.

01:34:11.000 Fucking badass.

01:34:12.000 But we knew her for like 10 years as just the cool waitress.

01:34:17.000 She was just our friend.

01:34:18.000 Our friend, the cool waitress.

01:34:20.000 But she was always like a good judge of talent.

01:34:22.000 You know, someone come in from out of town.

01:34:23.000 She was like the first person I'd go to.

01:34:25.000 Yeah, some people know, man.

01:34:26.000 I go, how was that guy?

01:34:27.000 She goes, pretty good.

01:34:28.000 He's good.

01:34:29.000 He's real.

01:34:29.000 I don't even think I have that eye.

01:34:32.000 Like, to be able to see somebody early on and be like, nah, I think they got something.

01:34:36.000 But don't she, if they make you laugh, If they make you laugh, they got something.

01:34:40.000 You're like, okay, you got something.

01:34:43.000 You got something.

01:34:44.000 Yeah.

01:34:44.000 But sometimes, man, I don't know.

01:34:46.000 You ever do that thing where you're watching a comic, and even though they say something hilarious, sometimes you don't laugh.

01:34:50.000 You're just fucking thinking about what they said, like dissecting it.

01:34:53.000 Oh, yeah.

01:34:54.000 But then there's people who do just make me laugh, and I'm like, holy fuck, I couldn't even think about it.

01:34:58.000 I didn't even have time to think about it.

01:34:59.000 It just made me laugh.

01:35:00.000 Yeah, there's some guy, like when Hicks came along, You know, Hicks came along now and all of a sudden everybody wanted to say something.

01:35:08.000 It was so interesting.

01:35:10.000 Because before that, like even Richard Jenny, he said, I remember he was talking about watching Hicks.

01:35:15.000 He goes, every time I watch Hicks, I keep thinking, gosh, Bob should be doing more like that.

01:35:20.000 I should really say something.

01:35:22.000 Because he would just say shit.

01:35:24.000 This is, you've got to realize, Hicks is before the internet.

01:35:27.000 Okay?

01:35:28.000 This is, Hicks was huge in like, 88 to...

01:35:33.000 When did he die?

01:35:34.000 I think he died in like 93. When did Hicks die?

01:35:40.000 I think he was actually 95 because I think I'd already made my way.

01:35:43.000 94?

01:35:44.000 Right.

01:35:45.000 So I'd already made my way to California when I heard that he died.

01:35:49.000 You be careful with this thing.

01:35:50.000 I feel like I'm a No, flip the top.

01:35:52.000 Push the top up.

01:35:53.000 This thing?

01:35:54.000 Yeah, push that over.

01:35:55.000 There you go.

01:35:55.000 Now hit that thing.

01:35:56.000 There you go.

01:35:57.000 Technology.

01:35:58.000 It's crafty.

01:35:59.000 Shout out to Calibri.

01:36:02.000 But Hicks was...

01:36:04.000 So this was like...

01:36:05.000 There was no podcast back then.

01:36:07.000 There was no audiobooks.

01:36:08.000 So when Hicks was talking about shit, he had like a different base of knowledge that he was working from than most comics.

01:36:17.000 He was like really well read.

01:36:20.000 He would quote Noam Chomsky.

01:36:21.000 He had material that was like...

01:36:25.000 Who's that, Noam Chomsky?

01:36:26.000 He's a linguist who is a very famous public intellectual who used to have debates with people on television.

01:36:36.000 He's one of the most measured and interesting people from the 1960s and the 1970s on foreign policy and all kinds of interesting...

01:36:47.000 Interesting things, but the point is like Hicks had this, he knew more about more things than other comics did.

01:36:55.000 And when he talked about things, when he talked about like the scams of war and, you know, and what the fuck is going on in society, it was like, wow, this guy's like super insightful.

01:37:05.000 And then everybody wanted to be so insightful too.

01:37:07.000 So it was a bunch of Hicks clones.

01:37:08.000 So there was the punchline in Atlanta.

01:37:12.000 There was a green room and a bunch of people signed the walls in the green room and shit.

01:37:15.000 You know how those are.

01:37:16.000 And then this one thing just said, quit trying to be Hicks.

01:37:21.000 And I was like, oh.

01:37:23.000 And when Jamie moved the club, he said he was going to save that for me.

01:37:27.000 I don't know what happened with that.

01:37:28.000 I'm like, that would be a beautiful piece of ancient comedy history.

01:37:33.000 You know?

01:37:34.000 Gotta be you.

01:37:35.000 Yeah, but there was a lot of Hicks-y clones.

01:37:38.000 A lot of guys who wanted everybody to think they were really smart.

01:37:41.000 But Hicks was really smart.

01:37:43.000 He wasn't trying to get people to think he was really smart.

01:37:46.000 He was really smart.

01:37:47.000 And he just had thoughts that he wanted to get out.

01:37:51.000 And there was no podcast back then.

01:37:53.000 So all his thoughts, all his ideas and philosophy, he had to get out in comedy.

01:37:58.000 So it was like...

01:38:00.000 Deeper than other comedians.

01:38:02.000 It was very interesting.

01:38:04.000 And, you know, some comics think it wasn't as funny as other comics.

01:38:07.000 Like, okay.

01:38:08.000 Yeah, he's not as funny as Kinison.

01:38:11.000 But he had some fascinating points that made you think.

01:38:16.000 And you left the show and you were stimulated in different ways.

01:38:21.000 It was interesting and it was funny.

01:38:22.000 It was very interesting, though.

01:38:24.000 That's what we were talking about earlier.

01:38:26.000 That's a dope part about comedy and watching different people's style.

01:38:29.000 If you're a true comedy fan, you can appreciate different forms of funny.

01:38:33.000 Yeah, I love all kinds of funny.

01:38:35.000 I love Jim Gaffigan funny.

01:38:37.000 I love Nate Bargatze.

01:38:39.000 Both of those guys are squeaky clean.

01:38:40.000 Brian Regan's hilarious.

01:38:42.000 Squeaky clean.

01:38:43.000 You can take your grandma and see Brian Regan.

01:38:45.000 You never have to worry about nothing.

01:38:47.000 And hilarious.

01:38:48.000 And then murder.

01:38:50.000 I try not to watch too much stand-up.

01:38:53.000 I feel like all I'm doing is stand-up.

01:38:55.000 I love it.

01:38:56.000 I'm, like, obsessed with it.

01:38:58.000 But sometimes, you know, you still need, like, other shit.

01:39:02.000 Yeah.

01:39:02.000 Right?

01:39:03.000 But...

01:39:04.000 I could sit down for hours on YouTube, watch the same videos over and over again.

01:39:09.000 Like, the two comics that I feel like, even if I never got to see anybody else perform, but just these two comics alone, Dave Chappelle and Mitch Hedberg.

01:39:18.000 Oh, yeah.

01:39:19.000 Those two are like, that's it.

01:39:20.000 That's it for me.

01:39:21.000 Well, they both move at a slower pace, too, which, like, fits your style.

01:39:25.000 You know?

01:39:27.000 And Mitch Hedberg was...

01:39:29.000 He was so good at non sequiturs.

01:39:31.000 You have one non sequitur into another non sequitur.

01:39:34.000 In my opinion, that's like the purest form of joke telling.

01:39:38.000 Yeah.

01:39:39.000 There's just...

01:39:39.000 All jokes.

01:39:40.000 The only information in what he's saying is for the joke.

01:39:44.000 Yes.

01:39:44.000 Like there's no...

01:39:45.000 Right.

01:39:46.000 There's nothing to even learn from it.

01:39:47.000 Nothing.

01:39:48.000 Just jokes.

01:39:49.000 Just pure for the sake of the laugh.

01:39:51.000 Yeah.

01:39:52.000 Yeah.

01:39:52.000 I feel like right now, in the setup I'm doing right now on the road, my first 10 minutes are like that, and then the rest is me just kind of, I don't know, still working out the rest.

01:40:04.000 But some of it could...

01:40:05.000 I could talk about some shit that some people take serious, but even on the shit that...

01:40:10.000 Like, if I talk about an issue, it's never like a smart thing.

01:40:16.000 Because, I mean, I'm still learning a lot of shit.

01:40:18.000 So, I feel like my comedy is very much just me being like, yo, I don't know what the fuck this is about, but here's what I think.

01:40:23.000 Like, I don't know.

01:40:24.000 Right.

01:40:25.000 Like, Latino Republicans look weird.

01:40:28.000 Yeah.

01:40:28.000 Like, that's just what I think.

01:40:29.000 It just looks weird, man.

01:40:32.000 You're allowed to have those opinions, man.

01:40:34.000 They need to relax.

01:40:36.000 Cubans are feisty people, though.

01:40:37.000 People message me sometimes like, you have a platform.

01:40:40.000 You gotta be careful.

01:40:41.000 You gotta use a platform for good.

01:40:43.000 No, I don't.

01:40:44.000 My platform's for joking.

01:40:45.000 Yeah, shut up.

01:40:47.000 Don't tell me how to use my platform.

01:40:48.000 Yeah, you'll get a platform.

01:40:50.000 Go talk to a politician.

01:40:51.000 Exactly.

01:40:52.000 You can't tell someone what they have to use their platform or shut your mouth.

01:40:55.000 People are crazy.

01:40:56.000 Yeah, that's not your job.

01:40:57.000 Also, I'm not even saying the shit I'm saying is right or wrong.

01:41:01.000 I could be fucking up.

01:41:03.000 We'll see.

01:41:03.000 You're trying to be funny.

01:41:05.000 Yeah.

01:41:06.000 That's it.

01:41:06.000 In the years to come, we'll see the mistakes I'm making.

01:41:08.000 But I'm letting you know right now, I'm definitely making some mistakes, actually.

01:41:12.000 Fuck, get off my back.

01:41:13.000 Bro, we're still making mistakes.

01:41:14.000 Every time I have a new bit, I'm making mistakes.

01:41:16.000 Yeah.

01:41:16.000 Every time I'm working on a new bed, it's like, where is this thing going?

01:41:19.000 Gotta try it a bunch of different ways.

01:41:21.000 In some ways, you're like, yikes.

01:41:22.000 I can't do it that way.

01:41:24.000 That's fucking...

01:41:25.000 It sounds terrible.

01:41:26.000 Back up.

01:41:27.000 Don't say it that way.

01:41:28.000 I like you.

01:41:28.000 That's your waiting ring?

01:41:30.000 Yeah, it's silicone.

01:41:32.000 You're one of those dudes.

01:41:33.000 You wear jewelry at all or nah?

01:41:35.000 I have a real ring.

01:41:38.000 Anytime I see a dude with those rings, I'm like, that guy knows how to fight.

01:41:42.000 That guy knows jujitsu or something.

01:41:44.000 Have you ever seen what happens when you get your finger caught in your ring doing something like jujitsu?

01:41:51.000 It's called sheathing.

01:41:53.000 It's a horrible injury.

01:41:54.000 Sheathing?

01:41:55.000 Sheathing.

01:41:55.000 Where it takes the skin off of the meat of the bone.

01:42:00.000 So the meat and the skin pull up and the wedding ring digs right down into the bone and tears everything apart.

01:42:07.000 Oh, shit, bro.

01:42:08.000 See that?

01:42:08.000 That's what happens with wedding ring injuries.

01:42:11.000 What is that white?

01:42:12.000 Is that like a string?

01:42:13.000 It's a ligament.

01:42:14.000 Oh, it's a ligament?

01:42:15.000 Yeah.

01:42:15.000 Oh, I thought they tied it up.

01:42:16.000 That shit is gone, son.

01:42:18.000 And there's a bunch...

01:42:19.000 I know a dude who had that happen.

01:42:21.000 It was a wedding ring.

01:42:23.000 He was doing jujitsu.

01:42:23.000 He has a wedding ring on.

01:42:24.000 Should've got married.

01:42:26.000 Should've worn a fucking stupid ass ring.

01:42:28.000 Should've just done jujitsu.

01:42:29.000 Mine is silicone.

01:42:31.000 I have a regular one too, but this is like, if I do, I could lift weights with this.

01:42:35.000 Do you wear the regular one when you go out, like, or something like that?

01:42:38.000 Yeah, I'm looking good.

01:42:38.000 Wear a Rolex, nice ring.

01:42:41.000 I like, I don't know.

01:42:43.000 I bought this little chain.

01:42:44.000 I always wanted like a little gold chain.

01:42:46.000 That's a nice size gold chain.

01:42:47.000 It's pretty.

01:42:48.000 It looks good.

01:42:48.000 I think it's flexy enough.

01:42:50.000 Yeah.

01:42:51.000 It's got a little cage.

01:42:52.000 You know what I mean?

01:42:52.000 I am going to buy a big one eventually.

01:42:54.000 Like a rapper, like just fucking huge.

01:42:56.000 Big fat one.

01:42:57.000 Yeah.

01:42:57.000 And I will wear it to like a club one night and just let the eagle come out a bit.

01:43:02.000 I feel like I try my best not to.

01:43:05.000 Let the eagle come out?

01:43:06.000 Yeah.

01:43:06.000 What's the eagle?

01:43:07.000 Yeah.

01:43:08.000 You know, like the ego, like your ego, like...

01:43:10.000 I don't know.

01:43:12.000 I guess it all depends.

01:43:14.000 Yeah, sometimes...

01:43:15.000 Show your feathers.

01:43:15.000 I want to show my feathers.

01:43:17.000 I get it.

01:43:18.000 I've never been like a nightclub guy, like to go out.

01:43:20.000 I used to go with my buddy when we were younger and he started doing the videography and shit.

01:43:24.000 Yeah.

01:43:40.000 And I see guys just flexing hard, you know, local dope dealers or guys that work nine-to-fives, but they're in there just trying to show out, you know?

01:43:49.000 And it's crazy.

01:43:50.000 It's crazy that that's the place to, like, fucking prove yourself.

01:43:54.000 And everybody wanted to be in there, man.

01:43:56.000 Like, that club culture was fucking nuts to me.

01:43:59.000 I'd stand outside with this guy named Jojo.

01:44:01.000 He's a door guy.

01:44:02.000 He looks like a Buddha.

01:44:03.000 Huge.

01:44:03.000 He's Mexican, but his eyes can't even open anymore.

01:44:07.000 Yeah.

01:44:07.000 They gave him a hoodie with a boot on it, and it said, JoJo staff.

01:44:12.000 And there'd be guys just trying to come in, like, what's up, bro?

01:44:15.000 Like, can you, I'll give you a hundred bucks, you let us in.

01:44:17.000 And they'd be like, all right, well, you guys get in.

01:44:19.000 And then sometimes they'd leave a guy behind.

01:44:21.000 I remember there was a guy every, like every hour, there was one guy, at least for every hour, that they'd be like, well, not you, because last week you were in here starting shit.

01:44:29.000 And they'd be like, come on, man.

01:44:31.000 Come on, man.

01:44:31.000 Let me in.

01:44:32.000 And his boys would leave him behind.

01:44:33.000 I'm like, first of all, why do you hang out with these people?

01:44:36.000 They just left you.

01:44:38.000 Literally out in the cold.

01:44:39.000 You could see our breath.

01:44:40.000 I'm like, what the fuck are you doing, bro?

01:44:42.000 Go to another club.

01:44:43.000 Go find new friends.

01:44:44.000 That's crazy.

01:44:45.000 And they sit there like, come on, man.

01:44:47.000 Come on, man.

01:44:47.000 It's like crazy that they want to be in there.

01:44:48.000 And then when they're in there, it's all about the guy who has the section.

01:44:52.000 The piece of floor that's elevated six inches higher than the rest of it on the couch.

01:44:56.000 Oh, like bottle service.

01:44:58.000 Bottle service.

01:44:58.000 The guy who has the bottle.

01:44:59.000 The guy showing up.

01:45:00.000 People start throwing money in there, right?

01:45:02.000 And I was in there like a nobody just watching.

01:45:06.000 I'm like, what the fuck?

01:45:07.000 What is it?

01:45:08.000 And then one day, I started getting to tour.

01:45:13.000 Is my shit still there?

01:45:15.000 Yeah, you got it.

01:45:16.000 We started getting to tour of October 2022, right?

01:45:19.000 Yeah.

01:45:19.000 I didn't go out and do nothing like that.

01:45:21.000 If I would go, I'd go to dive bars.

01:45:22.000 I started going to bars in New York with my buddies out there.

01:45:25.000 Just fucking dive bars.

01:45:27.000 I fell in love with that shit.

01:45:28.000 Drinking in some place, some shitty place until 4 a.m.

01:45:31.000 It was fun.

01:45:32.000 On New Year's was my first show back home.

01:45:36.000 It was my first time settling out back home and just...

01:45:39.000 I was like, I'm going to get it out.

01:45:41.000 I'm going to do that.

01:45:42.000 What I saw them do and how they used to shit on me, I'm going to do that tonight on New Year's night.

01:45:46.000 I'm going to go to a club with my friends.

01:45:48.000 I'm going to get a bottle and I'm going to just go all out.

01:45:50.000 See what it feels like.

01:45:53.000 It was fucking awesome for like an hour.

01:45:56.000 And then people start trying to like test you.

01:46:00.000 And I'm like, nah, bro.

01:46:03.000 I'm not fit to get into shit over this fucking six by six foot piece of real estate that I'm never going to own.

01:46:09.000 How are they testing you?

01:46:10.000 Oh, they start trying to stand on your section.

01:46:13.000 So you're standing on the main floor.

01:46:15.000 Right.

01:46:16.000 But if you take one step back, you're six inches elevated on this other little platform here.

01:46:21.000 Right.

01:46:21.000 Which is my section.

01:46:22.000 That I paid like 300 bucks for, for the night.

01:46:25.000 And you gotta like tell them, bro, get off my section.

01:46:28.000 Or you just get more strangers on your section.

01:46:31.000 Oh no.

01:46:32.000 Right?

01:46:32.000 And they're doing it on purpose.

01:46:34.000 Because it's like this ego, like I'm the man in here.

01:46:37.000 Oh no.

01:46:37.000 You know what I mean?

01:46:38.000 Yeah.

01:46:39.000 So it was fun for a minute.

01:46:41.000 But I'm like, nah.

01:46:42.000 Nah.

01:46:42.000 I'd rather not do that.

01:46:44.000 So after that, if I do go to clubs or bars, I'll never buy a section again.

01:46:49.000 I'm not going to pay extra money for elevated floor just so people can fucking try to...

01:46:53.000 I'm the man.

01:46:55.000 If I'm going to go out there, I'm going to just get drunk.

01:46:57.000 I might do some shrooms.

01:46:59.000 I'm going to have a good time no matter where the fuck I'm at.

01:47:01.000 I think you're better off in a dive bar with your sensibilities.

01:47:05.000 Yeah.

01:47:06.000 The reason why people do that is because they don't have other things going on.

01:47:10.000 The reason why someone wants to be the guy with the corner or these six inches elevated and wear all the gold chains and the big watch and all the jewelry and shit, it's because that's like the way you stand out.

01:47:22.000 I'll tell you what I'm going to do.

01:47:23.000 I'm still going to go back and shit on these people.

01:47:24.000 Don't get me wrong.

01:47:25.000 But I'll tell you how I'm going to do it.

01:47:27.000 How are you going to do it?

01:47:28.000 I'm going to buy the 1989 Michael Keaton Batmobile.

01:47:33.000 And when they see me pulling up to that in the club or leaving in that, how can you top that?

01:47:38.000 You did whatever you had to do in the club.

01:47:40.000 You threw your money.

01:47:41.000 You looked good for the night.

01:47:43.000 But your girl's probably going to want to go home with Batman, you know?

01:47:47.000 I bet that car drives like shit.

01:47:49.000 Probably.

01:47:49.000 What does that car look like?

01:47:50.000 Pull up the Michael Keaton Batmobile.

01:47:53.000 I don't even remember what it looked like.

01:47:56.000 Is that what it looks like?

01:47:57.000 Yeah, I'll paint it myself too.

01:47:58.000 That's been one of my dreams is to paint the Batmobile.

01:48:00.000 Alright, I take it back.

01:48:01.000 That looks pretty dope.

01:48:02.000 Pretty sick, right?

01:48:03.000 That thing's amazing.

01:48:04.000 That's amazing.

01:48:05.000 Does someone make that?

01:48:08.000 Oh, someone makes that.

01:48:09.000 God made it.

01:48:10.000 Yeah, but I bet you'd get someone to make that.

01:48:12.000 That's what it is.

01:48:12.000 Bro, that's what you should do.

01:48:14.000 Don't buy that one.

01:48:15.000 They would never sell that one.

01:48:17.000 It's a 67 Impala?

01:48:18.000 Okay.

01:48:18.000 Well, it's based off of it.

01:48:19.000 Oh, shit.

01:48:20.000 I love Impalas.

01:48:21.000 I never knew.

01:48:21.000 No wonder I like it.

01:48:22.000 That thing drives like shit.

01:48:24.000 You gotta do something with that suspension.

01:48:26.000 You gotta send that shit to Roaster Shop.

01:48:28.000 I bet Roaster Shop could make you a Batmobile.

01:48:31.000 Yeah?

01:48:32.000 100%.

01:48:33.000 I'm down.

01:48:34.000 Or someone like that, like someone who does like custom work.

01:48:37.000 There's some dudes out there.

01:48:39.000 Look at those buttons.

01:48:40.000 Pure Vision.

01:48:41.000 I could see Steve Stroop making something like that.

01:48:43.000 Can you go back to the buttons, the panel?

01:48:45.000 One time, it was like my first time going to Las Vegas.

01:48:49.000 And it was also my first like heavy, heavy mushroom trip.

01:48:51.000 I got in the front seat of a taxi cab.

01:48:53.000 Because my friends are big guys, like on the heavy side.

01:48:56.000 So I couldn't fit in the back with them.

01:48:58.000 I got in the front.

01:48:59.000 And I was just tripping really hard.

01:49:00.000 The whole front looked like all that.

01:49:02.000 It's tripping hard.

01:49:03.000 In the taxi cab?

01:49:04.000 In the taxi cab.

01:49:05.000 Oh, so like the CB radio and all that shit?

01:49:07.000 Yeah, it looked like you were in the Millennium Falcon almost.

01:49:10.000 Yeah, whenever I look at a pilot, like if you get on a plane, you peek through where the pilots are, see all that shit they got?

01:49:17.000 Imagine if the pilot died and you had to figure those things out.

01:49:21.000 There's all these buttons up here and buttons down there.

01:49:23.000 Fuck!

01:49:24.000 That's too many buttons.

01:49:25.000 Too many buttons.

01:49:26.000 How do they...

01:49:27.000 I always like...

01:49:28.000 Every time a pilot lands, I'm like, you can't see that, like...

01:49:33.000 I don't know, man.

01:49:33.000 Pilots' landing scares the shit out of me.

01:49:35.000 It should.

01:49:36.000 Flying just scares the shit out of me.

01:49:37.000 I do want to learn to fly, though, but I want those little ones that you can land on water.

01:49:41.000 But I heard those crash a lot.

01:49:43.000 I bet they do.

01:49:46.000 I've flown in those before.

01:49:48.000 Wait, have you flown one?

01:49:49.000 No, no, no.

01:49:50.000 I've been a passenger in one of those before.

01:49:52.000 Is it scary?

01:49:52.000 Is it a bumpy ride?

01:49:53.000 Yeah, we flew into Alaska and landed on a lake.

01:49:57.000 Oh, shit.

01:49:58.000 Yeah, we're camping in Prince Edward's Island, I think that's what it is.

01:50:02.000 Yeah.

01:50:03.000 Is there actual prints on that island?

01:50:04.000 I don't think so.

01:50:05.000 If it is, it's dead.

01:50:07.000 It rains there, like, every day.

01:50:09.000 Every day of the year.

01:50:11.000 Basically, every day of the year.

01:50:13.000 I think it rains, like, 300 days a year or something crazy like that.

01:50:15.000 Do you ever hate when you're, like, out and about and it's raining?

01:50:17.000 I like rain, but I like it when I'm home.

01:50:20.000 Well, one thing that rain does do for you, if you spend a week in the rain, when you get back home, especially, like, somewhere like California where it's, like, sunny, it's like, oh, my God, it feels amazing.

01:50:30.000 It feels amazing.

01:50:31.000 Like, you don't know what the sun really feels like until you've been, like, dumped on in a tent every day for a week.

01:50:37.000 Alright.

01:50:38.000 Because you're so cold, you never dry out.

01:50:41.000 I think I need that, because right now I'm sick of the sun.

01:50:43.000 Fuck the sun.

01:50:45.000 That's because you live in a place that has great weather.

01:50:47.000 Yeah.

01:50:48.000 California, that's the number one thing people get spoiled by is that weather.

01:50:51.000 That weather's perfect.

01:50:52.000 That's why everybody moved there initially to do films because they could do movies out there and it was never raining.

01:50:59.000 If you had an outdoor scene and it rained, you were fucked.

01:51:02.000 Do you have a favorite movie?

01:51:03.000 A favorite one?

01:51:04.000 No.

01:51:05.000 We're about a top three?

01:51:07.000 I don't think I do.

01:51:08.000 At least for the week, you know?

01:51:09.000 Well, this week right now, it's High Plains Drifter.

01:51:12.000 I watched High Plains Drifter the other day for the first time in years, and I forgot.

01:51:16.000 I've never seen that guy.

01:51:16.000 Check it out.

01:51:17.000 Oh.

01:51:18.000 High Plains Drifter.

01:51:19.000 I think it's from the 1970s.

01:51:20.000 It's one of them Clint Eastwood movies.

01:51:22.000 Oh, I love Clint Eastwood, bro.

01:51:23.000 Oh.

01:51:24.000 Clint Eastwood is the type of guy that when I first saw him on a movie, like an old movie, I was like, whoa, what if he's racist?

01:51:29.000 But even if he was, I was like, he's fucking badass.

01:51:32.000 He could be racist all he wants.

01:51:33.000 I saw him on those old westerns shooting Mexicans.

01:51:36.000 I was like, fuck it, bro.

01:51:37.000 Do what you gotta do, Clint Eastwood.

01:51:38.000 What is it called again?

01:51:39.000 High Plains Drifter.

01:51:41.000 I'm gonna write that.

01:51:42.000 I'm gonna put the cigar in my mouth as I write so I can feel like I'm writing big numbers.

01:51:46.000 It's a ghost story.

01:51:48.000 It's about a dude who gets...

01:51:50.000 Spoiler alert.

01:51:51.000 It's a movie from the 70s, right?

01:51:53.000 What year was that movie?

01:51:54.000 73. 73?

01:51:55.000 It's about a guy who gets whipped to death.

01:51:58.000 He's the sheriff in this town.

01:51:59.000 He gets whipped to death.

01:52:01.000 And he comes back.

01:52:03.000 He comes back and kills everybody.

01:52:05.000 He comes back as Clint Eastwood.

01:52:07.000 Oh, shit.

01:52:07.000 And they don't recognize that it's him because he looks totally different.

01:52:10.000 Kind of like Chucky?

01:52:11.000 But he appears out of nowhere in the beginning of the movie.

01:52:14.000 There's like this fucking heat...

01:52:16.000 You know those heat waves that you see when you look at a highway, it looks like a mirage?

01:52:20.000 Yeah.

01:52:21.000 So this heat wave, he just appears out of nowhere in this heat wave, rides into town, fucks the whole town up, kills everybody, and then rides back out the same way and disappears.

01:52:29.000 Goes back to hell or heaven.

01:52:30.000 Goes back to hell.

01:52:31.000 He painted the whole town red.

01:52:33.000 Hell yeah.

01:52:33.000 Yeah, it's a wild movie.

01:52:35.000 But it's also a wild movie because it's a time capsule.

01:52:38.000 Like, you have to look at old movies and imagine you're living in 1973. You can't look at an old movie and think from a 2023 perspective.

01:52:48.000 1970s movies are some of the best films.

01:52:51.000 And I feel like if it's a good movie, I will just kind of get captured in it.

01:52:55.000 And when I do go out and about again, I'm just like, oh shit, what the fuck?

01:52:58.000 There's some great movies.

01:53:00.000 I like, I don't know, there's like a point to this movie or what?

01:53:03.000 This is High Plains Drifter.

01:53:10.000 What did you say your name was again?

01:53:19.000 Heh heh.

01:53:24.000 He's a man with no name.

01:53:26.000 I fucking love that.

01:53:27.000 It's a great movie.

01:53:28.000 I wish I couldn't even get introduced on stage.

01:53:30.000 I wish I could just walk on stage.

01:53:31.000 He kills everybody, bro.

01:53:33.000 And they don't understand it.

01:53:36.000 It's a wild movie.

01:53:37.000 Look at that guy.

01:53:38.000 He's like, why are you killing us?

01:53:39.000 But it's a wild movie because it's a movie from 1973. That's the whole thing about it.

01:53:44.000 It's like you've got to put yourself in 1973 to really enjoy it.

01:53:49.000 This might be me being too picky with movies, but it is kind of tough to watch a Western movie these days in such high definition.

01:53:56.000 I don't know.

01:53:57.000 It's a little weird, man.

01:53:57.000 I love movies from the 70s.

01:53:59.000 I really like Dog Day Afternoon.

01:54:02.000 Oh, yeah.

01:54:03.000 I like that movie, Saturday Night Fever.

01:54:05.000 Oh, man.

01:54:06.000 That's a great movie.

01:54:07.000 It's a little too intense when John Travolta's character is just like, what is her name?

01:54:12.000 That girl that ends up getting kind of raped by those dudes.

01:54:15.000 Not kind of.

01:54:15.000 She got raped.

01:54:16.000 Yeah.

01:54:16.000 I forget her name.

01:54:17.000 And he's all like, you see?

01:54:19.000 Is that what you wanted?

01:54:20.000 Oh.

01:54:20.000 I'm like, oh shit, bro, she just got raped.

01:54:22.000 Like, come for her or something.

01:54:23.000 And then his friend falls off the bridge, and all the attention goes to that.

01:54:27.000 I'm like, hey, they just raped that chick.

01:54:30.000 So that part of the movie is a little off to me, but I'm like, I don't know.

01:54:33.000 It's a depressing movie.

01:54:35.000 Yeah, but the beginning is dope as fuck.

01:54:37.000 Yeah, well, it's dope as fuck because you're also realizing that those people are doing the exact same thing that people are trying to do at the club sitting on that platform.

01:54:46.000 They're trying to show out.

01:54:47.000 And they're trying to show out by dancing.

01:54:49.000 I'm just intrigued by club culture in general, man.

01:54:51.000 Maybe that's why I like that movie so much.

01:54:52.000 Because that guy's whole thing is like...

01:54:54.000 He's just showing up and dancing better than anybody.

01:54:56.000 Yeah.

01:54:57.000 Being the man at the club.

01:54:58.000 Being the man.

01:54:59.000 Yeah.

01:54:59.000 When you saw him dance, like, oh my God, look at him go.

01:55:02.000 Yeah.

01:55:02.000 And you know what though?

01:55:04.000 The part that really made me feel like, look at him go, is the beginning of that movie.

01:55:08.000 He's just like walking and he gets two pizzas and folds them together.

01:55:11.000 Then he sees his shirt.

01:55:12.000 He's like, I'm going to put that shirt on layaway.

01:55:13.000 I'm going to come back for it.

01:55:14.000 I'll be like, hell yeah, that's life right there.

01:55:16.000 Give me some volume.

01:55:21.000 This is the life Joe Rogan smoking a cigar and watching 70s movies.

01:55:32.000 Look how good he looks.

01:55:34.000 When he walks, he's dancing.

01:55:37.000 I mean, that dude's dancing when he walks.

01:55:39.000 He's like, hey, hey girl.

01:55:40.000 Ah, never mind.

01:55:42.000 Hell yeah, that's life, you know?

01:55:46.000 What a great song, too.

01:55:51.000 Oh yeah.

01:55:52.000 Because that song is really...

01:55:53.000 That song is what the movie's all about.

01:55:56.000 I mean, they're just trying to...

01:55:58.000 Look how handsome he was back then.

01:56:00.000 God damn, John Travolta.

01:56:03.000 Two slices at the same time.

01:56:05.000 Got the little gold chain.

01:56:06.000 That's what inspired me to get the gold chain of John Travolta, you know?

01:56:08.000 A little pizazz, a little flash.

01:56:13.000 This is a great movie, but it also gave me a lot of anxiety.

01:56:17.000 What year was that movie?

01:56:21.000 77?

01:56:22.000 Are you guessing?

01:56:24.000 77, yeah.

01:56:25.000 You ever hear the story...

01:56:27.000 Oh, sorry, what are you going to say?

01:56:27.000 No, I was 10 years old when that movie came out.

01:56:30.000 And I remember getting anxiety about being an adult.

01:56:33.000 Yeah?

01:56:33.000 Yeah, because they didn't know what the fuck they were doing with their life.

01:56:36.000 They're just dancing, everybody's falling apart, and people are dying.

01:56:40.000 I feel like all life is is people just going with it.

01:56:43.000 Yeah.

01:56:43.000 Nobody really knows, you know?

01:56:45.000 They also didn't have any fucking...

01:56:48.000 Like, where do you go?

01:56:49.000 What do you do?

01:56:50.000 I heard Honduras?

01:56:54.000 Honduras?

01:56:54.000 There's no, like, addresses?

01:56:56.000 I could be wrong.

01:56:57.000 Maybe they haven't by now, but...

01:56:58.000 They don't have addresses?

01:56:59.000 They don't have, like...

01:57:00.000 How do you get mail?

01:57:02.000 So the mailman just knows where you live.

01:57:05.000 You think I'm making this up?

01:57:06.000 I, like...

01:57:07.000 Is that like one town in Honduras or the whole country?

01:57:10.000 I think it's a lot of towns.

01:57:11.000 I could be wrong.

01:57:12.000 But here's from the stories I've heard.

01:57:14.000 So my son, I have a four-year-old son, right?

01:57:16.000 His mom is half Honduran.

01:57:18.000 His mom, though, has never met her biological father.

01:57:22.000 But my son's grandma...

01:57:24.000 You know, obviously knows who this guy is.

01:57:26.000 She would tell me these stories.

01:57:27.000 She was a cool lady, man.

01:57:28.000 She was telling me how, like, when she was, I think she was pregnant or when her, when my son's mom was a baby, she went to Honduras because her baby daddy had gotten deported.

01:57:39.000 Whoa.

01:57:39.000 Yeah.

01:57:41.000 And she didn't have a dress.

01:57:42.000 Guy's Republican now.

01:57:43.000 No, I'm kidding.

01:57:43.000 He's Republican.

01:57:44.000 I don't know.

01:57:45.000 But she went to Honduras.

01:57:47.000 To like, I guess be with the guy or at least look for the guy.

01:57:50.000 I don't know.

01:57:50.000 She says it's like crazy dangerous.

01:57:52.000 It's like the majority of the people walking around with machetes.

01:57:55.000 Whoa.

01:57:56.000 And I could be mixing it up because I've also heard stories about Salvadorians.

01:58:01.000 I just want a story that confirms sort of what you just said.

01:58:04.000 Yeah.

01:58:04.000 Really?

01:58:05.000 What does it say?

01:58:05.000 Someone on TripAdvisor just says, I'm trying to find help for my husband to get his U.S. visa.

01:58:11.000 Needs his mom's street address in Choluteca.

01:58:15.000 And then someone responds and says, very few streets have formal names.

01:58:19.000 It's common to see addresses such as X neighborhood, Red House behind the church, or across from the Veniceboro.

01:58:25.000 So if you know the name or look, someone can help you.

01:58:27.000 You gotta be a skilled fucking mailman.

01:58:29.000 Right, when do you think they first, like when they first started making towns, when was the first dude to say, this is Mike's Lane.

01:58:37.000 It had to be a fucking fed up mailman.

01:58:41.000 It had to be a mailman who was like, I gotta get in charge of this town to fucking figure out these problems.

01:58:46.000 Right, what would they do before a mailman?

01:58:49.000 Before there was the mail.

01:58:50.000 Memory.

01:58:52.000 No, they had to get letters to each other somehow.

01:58:54.000 I mean, I know they used ravens.

01:58:56.000 Oh, that's pretty cool.

01:58:57.000 Send a raven.

01:58:58.000 That's Game of Thrones, you know?

01:58:59.000 Life has gotten way too comfortable these days, man.

01:59:02.000 We need to go back to, like, where you had to learn to communicate with ravens.

01:59:06.000 Wolves in the street.

01:59:07.000 Wolves in the street.

01:59:08.000 Mushrooms in religion.

01:59:10.000 Mushrooms in the church.

01:59:10.000 Wolves in the street.

01:59:12.000 That's my next fucking special right there.

01:59:15.000 Not a bad thought, but a lot of people are gonna die.

01:59:19.000 I think we peaked somewhere in the 90s.

01:59:22.000 I think that was enough technology.

01:59:24.000 Technology-wise?

01:59:25.000 Yeah.

01:59:25.000 Like, that was enough comfort.

01:59:27.000 Things were easy enough, you know?

01:59:29.000 We caught people, you know.

01:59:32.000 FaceTime?

01:59:32.000 Pfft.

01:59:33.000 Yeah, but the internet is the most important thing that's ever happened to people.

01:59:37.000 Ancient Egypt started mail system.

01:59:39.000 Oh, wow.

01:59:40.000 Ancient Egypt?

01:59:40.000 Wow.

01:59:42.000 2400 BCE, when pharaohs used couriers to send out decrees throughout the territory of the state, the earliest surviving piece of mail is also Egyptian, which dates back to 255 BCE, recovered from the...

01:59:55.000 Boy, try saying that word.

01:59:57.000 I bet when they did invent streets...

02:00:00.000 Try saying that word.

02:00:20.000 It might be some weird way of saying it, you know?

02:00:24.000 Is it like a Google for the word?

02:00:28.000 Okay, let's see if you can see how to say it.

02:00:30.000 How do you say it?

02:00:35.000 Does it tell you?

02:00:37.000 Oxyrhynchus?

02:00:39.000 Oxyrhynchus.

02:00:40.000 Oxyrhynchus.

02:00:41.000 It's Greek.

02:00:42.000 Interesting.

02:00:44.000 Oxyrhynchus.

02:00:44.000 Yeah, taxes though, I think is the...

02:00:46.000 Oh, wow.

02:00:48.000 You think you could impress like a scholar type girl with that word?

02:00:50.000 Nope.

02:00:51.000 Hey, baby.

02:00:52.000 You don't want to impress...

02:00:54.000 Anybody that's impressed by big words, you don't want to impress them.

02:00:56.000 They're so stupid.

02:00:57.000 They're impressed by big words.

02:00:59.000 I have heard too that like the...

02:01:01.000 I guess like the most intelligent people, the most polite way of communication, the most intelligent way of communication is just making sure they understand what you're saying.

02:01:09.000 So if you say it in the simplest words, that's technically the more intelligent route, the more polite route.

02:01:14.000 Right.

02:01:15.000 Because you know sometimes people are fucking with you when they're using words that you know are not common words.

02:01:19.000 Yeah.

02:01:20.000 And you have to go...

02:01:20.000 I always ask, what does that mean?

02:01:22.000 Yeah.

02:01:23.000 You gotta ask what that means if you don't know what it means.

02:01:25.000 Because some people pretend, oh yeah, I know what that means.

02:01:27.000 It's like the club shit.

02:01:28.000 They're showing off the Rolex, but they don't have a Rolex, they're showing off the big word.

02:01:31.000 You ever see Dennis Miller's act?

02:01:34.000 Mm-mm.

02:01:34.000 Dennis Miller was a killer back in the day.

02:01:37.000 Dennis Miller, part of his comedy that was very different from anybody else's comedy was really obscure references.

02:01:45.000 To, like, you know, ancient literature and fucking early rulers and, like, obscure...

02:01:52.000 Like, people were laughing.

02:01:53.000 They didn't even know what the fuck they were laughing at.

02:01:56.000 Like, it was like weird references.

02:01:58.000 Like, you had to be very fucking smart and well-read to know.

02:02:02.000 I don't even know if he knew him.

02:02:03.000 You see what I'm saying?

02:02:05.000 But that was part of the style.

02:02:06.000 I like that.

02:02:07.000 Like, he was a smooth, intelligent guy that was talking down to you.

02:02:12.000 That's pretty, I mean...

02:02:13.000 But it was funny.

02:02:14.000 It was funny material.

02:02:16.000 It was good shit.

02:02:17.000 If you got him, you gotta flex him sometimes, you know?

02:02:19.000 I guess, but it becomes a thing, right?

02:02:21.000 That's what you're doing.

02:02:22.000 And then that takes people out of, like, that it's never really you.

02:02:27.000 You're doing this thing.

02:02:28.000 Yeah.

02:02:29.000 You know?

02:02:30.000 Yeah, I think I know.

02:02:31.000 Which is okay, too.

02:02:33.000 Like, it's all okay.

02:02:34.000 Like, Carrot Top's great.

02:02:36.000 Pull out props.

02:02:37.000 Is it funny?

02:02:38.000 Yeah.

02:02:38.000 Great.

02:02:39.000 It's great.

02:02:40.000 But it's very different.

02:02:41.000 Yeah.

02:02:42.000 Very different than Mitch Hedberg.

02:02:43.000 It's very different than Richard Pryor.

02:02:45.000 It's all great.

02:02:47.000 But everybody's got their own way that they want to do it.

02:02:50.000 And that's one of the cool things about comedy.

02:02:52.000 You can kind of give your friends advice.

02:02:56.000 You can say, hey, man, maybe you should slow your words down so people can understand you.

02:03:00.000 But everybody does it different.

02:03:02.000 Everybody does it different.

02:03:03.000 And you've got to find out how you do it.

02:03:05.000 It's got to somehow or another match your personality for real.

02:03:09.000 It's got to be the best way you can do it.

02:03:13.000 And for some people, it's a character.

02:03:14.000 Some people, they create a character and they go on stage with it.

02:03:17.000 And that's great, too.

02:03:17.000 It's like, what do they call it?

02:03:19.000 Finding your voice.

02:03:19.000 Yeah.

02:03:20.000 Well, Dice.

02:03:21.000 Dice became Dice.

02:03:24.000 Dice was Andrew Silverstein.

02:03:26.000 And his stand-up in the early days, he used to do a Travolta impression.

02:03:29.000 It was amazing.

02:03:30.000 He had an amazing Travolta impression.

02:03:32.000 He's an incredible impersonator.

02:03:36.000 He does amazing impressions.

02:03:38.000 But he just never does them.

02:03:39.000 And then he would do this character called the Dice Man.

02:03:43.000 And this character was the funniest part of his act.

02:03:45.000 It was so funny.

02:03:46.000 And that's when he'd do all those rhymes and shit, and this guy would be this fucking wild dude from Brooklyn.

02:03:51.000 And then he just became Dice.

02:03:53.000 I saw him perform live at Hyenas.

02:03:56.000 Oh, nice.

02:03:57.000 Yeah, it was fucking awesome.

02:03:58.000 Yeah, Dice is awesome.

02:04:00.000 I was a fan of Dice when I was 19 years old.

02:04:02.000 So for me to be friends with him now just trips me out all the time.

02:04:05.000 Whenever I'm around him, it trips me out.

02:04:07.000 I was 19 years old and I was parked in a car in front of my house with this girl I was dating.

02:04:14.000 And we were just listening to...

02:04:15.000 I had a cassette player in my car and we were listening to Dice.

02:04:19.000 And we're both howlin' laughing.

02:04:21.000 Just howlin' laughing.

02:04:23.000 Back then, like a lot of the comedy that I would listen to, I'd listen to with girls I was dating.

02:04:27.000 You know, it was a fun thing to do.

02:04:28.000 Like, hey, you wanna listen to some comedy?

02:04:30.000 And we'd sit down there.

02:04:31.000 And back then, there was no internet, man.

02:04:33.000 You had to put a fuckin' record on.

02:04:36.000 And you'd listen to an old Richard Pryor album.

02:04:39.000 And me listening to Dice with this girl.

02:04:43.000 I never even thought about doing comedy at that point.

02:04:46.000 That was just fun.

02:04:48.000 To me, it was just like, this is hilarious.

02:04:50.000 And so now I'm friends with him.

02:04:51.000 It's so weird.

02:04:53.000 It's a badass feeling though.

02:04:54.000 It's crazy.

02:04:55.000 I get a text message from Dice every now and again.

02:04:57.000 I'm like, Jesus Christ, that's Dice Clay.

02:04:59.000 Hell yeah.

02:04:59.000 It's wild.

02:05:00.000 I feel that.

02:05:02.000 Especially when you're young, like if you're 19 years old, you're a fan of someone, and then as a grown man, you're their friend.

02:05:07.000 It's odd.

02:05:09.000 I'm a big Mark Norman fan.

02:05:11.000 I love Mark Norman.

02:05:12.000 I always watch his clips.

02:05:14.000 He's a huge fan.

02:05:17.000 I got to open for a meeting.

02:05:19.000 He was super cool as fuck.

02:05:20.000 You know what I mean?

02:05:20.000 He just hung out, whatever.

02:05:21.000 We got to do Burt's tour.

02:05:23.000 He helped me write a bit.

02:05:25.000 The shit was unreal.

02:05:27.000 I was like, holy shit.

02:05:28.000 I was just watching this dude, you know what I mean?

02:05:29.000 Right, right.

02:05:30.000 Now you're friends with him.

02:05:31.000 Yeah.

02:05:32.000 It's cool.

02:05:33.000 Right now, I just remembered when we were watching that John Travolta stuff and he said he did an impression.

02:05:42.000 I don't know.

02:05:43.000 I heard this story.

02:05:44.000 I don't know if it's true or not.

02:05:45.000 But I heard that when John Travolta was blowing up, right?

02:05:49.000 Right after Saturday Night Fever.

02:05:51.000 Right.

02:05:52.000 I heard that Freddie Prince ran into his apartment with a crossbow or something.

02:05:58.000 You ever hear that?

02:05:59.000 Freddie Prince pulled a gun on somebody.

02:06:01.000 Or maybe it was a gun.

02:06:03.000 Maybe I just imagined it was a crossbow.

02:06:07.000 Actor Jimmy Walker says Freddie Prince once tried to kill John Travolta.

02:06:11.000 Oh, Jesus Christ.

02:06:12.000 Badass.

02:06:13.000 Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.

02:06:14.000 It was a crossbow.

02:06:15.000 Yeah.

02:06:15.000 Oh, my God.

02:06:17.000 Oh, my God.

02:06:19.000 Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.

02:06:21.000 You gotta pull the crossbow on people.

02:06:22.000 So he talked about it during the Comedy Store documentary series.

02:06:26.000 Walker claims that Prince called him one day and announced, we gotta kill John Travolta.

02:06:31.000 Yeah.

02:06:31.000 He says, I'm gonna kill this guy.

02:06:33.000 I'm the biggest star on TV. The Good Times star 73 recalled.

02:06:37.000 I said, well, a lot of people are on TV. I'm on TV. Walker said Prince shot back.

02:06:41.000 You're not bigger than me, man.

02:06:43.000 I'm the biggest guy.

02:06:44.000 I'm the best guy.

02:06:44.000 Everybody knows me.

02:06:45.000 I'm the funniest guy.

02:06:46.000 Oh my God, he was crazy.

02:06:49.000 Man, when I started going up at Hyena, some of the people that would work there would be like, you remind me of Freddie Prince.

02:06:54.000 So he fired three arrows into John Travolta's door.

02:06:57.000 Oh my God.

02:07:00.000 Oh my god, that's hilarious.

02:07:02.000 That's what John Travolta said when it was happening.

02:07:03.000 He said, oh my god.

02:07:04.000 Oh my god.

02:07:07.000 That's crazy.

02:07:08.000 He shot himself when he was 22 years old, man.

02:07:10.000 Freddie Prinze?

02:07:11.000 Yeah.

02:07:11.000 Oh shit.

02:07:12.000 I didn't know that.

02:07:13.000 I knew it.

02:07:15.000 I was a kid back then, but my grandfather used to love that show Chico and the Man.

02:07:20.000 He was on there.

02:07:21.000 Yeah, that was his show.

02:07:22.000 That was the show that blew him up.

02:07:24.000 Bro, he blew up on television.

02:07:26.000 He was like 20 years old.

02:07:28.000 He was 20 years old and he had a sitcom.

02:07:31.000 You can find his clips on YouTube.

02:07:32.000 I love watching his.

02:07:34.000 He was a good comic.

02:07:35.000 How old was he when he did Chico and the Man?

02:07:41.000 My grandfather loved Sanford and Sons, Chico and the Man, and all in the family.

02:07:48.000 Freddie Prinze didn't look 22. He looked older.

02:07:51.000 I feel like back then people just looked older quicker.

02:07:53.000 They died when he was 22. That was his third season, so he would have started at 19. Holy shit, bro.

02:07:59.000 Wow.

02:08:00.000 People used to age faster, for sure.

02:08:01.000 Oh, yeah.

02:08:02.000 You ever seen that thing when they show pictures of Archie Bunker and Edith Bunker, and you find out how old they really were?

02:08:08.000 Mm-mm.

02:08:09.000 Yeah, he does not look like 22. That looks like a 35-year-old man.

02:08:12.000 Yeah.

02:08:12.000 Right?

02:08:13.000 Now I feel like Anne Hathaway.

02:08:15.000 I don't know how old she is, but she looks 19. Yeah, some of those ladies are keeping it together now.

02:08:21.000 Yeah, even the guys.

02:08:22.000 I know there's all those conspiracies.

02:08:24.000 They're like the children's blood Illuminati.

02:08:26.000 Yeah.

02:08:27.000 I put checkerboard flooring on the floor of my special and people keep thinking like Freemason.

02:08:33.000 They got him.

02:08:34.000 I just like checkerboard flooring.

02:08:36.000 Bro, I went to a satanic wedding with Duncan Trussell.

02:08:41.000 Duncan Trussell, he has this character called Little Hobo.

02:08:44.000 And Little Hobo is a puppet and he brings Little Hobo out and he tells everybody that his grandfather just died and he left behind his puppet.

02:08:51.000 This is a satanic puppet.

02:08:53.000 It's one of the funniest bits I've ever seen in my life.

02:08:56.000 It's an amazing bit.

02:08:57.000 So he does this guy who is like Anton LaVey's grandson, I think?

02:09:05.000 They're satanists.

02:09:06.000 So they hired Duncan to do this routine at a satanic wedding.

02:09:11.000 I go to the satanic wedding and I take a picture with this dude.

02:09:15.000 And to this day, people think I'm a satanist now.

02:09:18.000 Because I was like, fuck yeah.

02:09:20.000 I was like, this is so ridiculous.

02:09:22.000 They're just silly people.

02:09:23.000 I mean, I don't know if they're doing like real satanic shit when we're not around.

02:09:27.000 Yeah.

02:09:27.000 But like, I was like, I expected it to be like, I wanted to just experience it.

02:09:31.000 Yeah.

02:09:32.000 So we went, we got barbecued.

02:09:33.000 We were off the rails.

02:09:35.000 We were in another dimension.

02:09:36.000 We were looking at life through like a water covered shower door.

02:09:41.000 Like, it was like, everything was very strange.

02:09:44.000 And so, to me, watching Duncan do this little hobo routine in front of all these fucking Satanists, it was just wild.

02:09:52.000 But it was hilarious.

02:09:53.000 It was a fun time.

02:09:54.000 But they were just like, I don't know what their thing is.

02:09:57.000 Duncan says they're just hedonists.

02:09:59.000 They don't follow any rules.

02:10:00.000 And that's what they think of as Satanism.

02:10:02.000 But, you know, maybe they do some creepy shit.

02:10:05.000 I bet you even in the...

02:10:08.000 Religion of worshipping Satan, there's like different forms of it.

02:10:11.000 I'm sure.

02:10:12.000 I bet you even they're just like, you're not doing it, right?

02:10:14.000 This is how you do it.

02:10:15.000 Right.

02:10:15.000 There's probably like hardcore Satanists who really are out there murdering homeless folks.

02:10:20.000 And then there's other people that are like, you know, just like dressing up like devils and Yeah, I remember seeing some shit on TV one time where there's rules to it.

02:10:29.000 They're like, if you're Satan, there's their own Ten Commandments.

02:10:35.000 You're not supposed to kill animals unless it's necessary for food.

02:10:39.000 Oh, really?

02:10:40.000 Yeah, like never harm children or women or some shit.

02:10:43.000 They have rules that even the devil's like, alright, bro, this is even too far.

02:10:47.000 I don't know.

02:10:48.000 We'll find out when we get to hell.

02:10:50.000 Who was the guy that...

02:10:52.000 Stumbled upon that Satanist place in the middle of the woods.

02:10:57.000 Remember there's that one dude that we had on?

02:11:01.000 And there was this guy who used to work for NASA who was a real Satanist, like in the Church of Satan.

02:11:12.000 And this abandoned place where this guy used to do his research at, someone went to visit it.

02:11:19.000 Who was it?

02:11:19.000 But this guy, like...

02:11:21.000 Was it Python Cowboy?

02:11:23.000 Yeah.

02:11:23.000 But what time frame is this that he works at NASA? Did he help us get to the moon?

02:11:30.000 1960s.

02:11:31.000 1950s or 1960s?

02:11:32.000 I think the 50s.

02:11:33.000 It was in the 90s.

02:11:34.000 Let's go back and find out.

02:11:36.000 I think it's crazy if this is one of the guys that helped us get to the moon.

02:11:39.000 But bro, this guy used to wear the outfits and everything.

02:11:41.000 There's photos of him at a real Satanist church.

02:11:45.000 Horns and some nerdy glasses.

02:11:46.000 He was like an open Satanist.

02:11:49.000 You could kind of be an open Satanist and still be a rock There was a lot of shit that they hadn't figured out by then.

02:11:59.000 Well, you know, the rocket scientists that we got, most of them came from Nazi Germany.

02:12:05.000 Oh shit, I didn't know that.

02:12:06.000 There's a thing called Operation Paperclip.

02:12:09.000 In Operation Paperclip, the United States acquired all of Germany's rocket scientists, including Wernher von Braun.

02:12:17.000 So who's this cat?

02:12:19.000 Jack Parsons.

02:12:21.000 Says his father, John Parsons.

02:12:24.000 So go on that photo there.

02:12:26.000 That's him dressed up in all the Satanist shit.

02:12:28.000 Look at that.

02:12:30.000 He looks like Iron Man's dad in the movies, in the Avengers movies.

02:12:33.000 This guy used to fucking dress up.

02:12:35.000 Click on that link because that's the story.

02:12:38.000 Look at this guy.

02:12:40.000 Imagine this guy's a rocketry pioneer.

02:12:43.000 That's crazy.

02:12:44.000 From rocketry pioneer to deviant occultist, Jack Parsons was the ultimate mad scientist.

02:12:49.000 So this motherfucker was like a real rocket scientist and also a Satanist.

02:12:56.000 That's nuts, man.

02:12:57.000 Crazy.

02:12:58.000 How do you have all this knowledge?

02:12:59.000 Scroll back down again.

02:13:00.000 You're such an intelligent, smart person, and then you dress so goofy.

02:13:03.000 Me?

02:13:04.000 No, him.

02:13:04.000 Oh.

02:13:07.000 This guy...

02:13:07.000 Well, he dresses normal unless he's doing the Satanist thing.

02:13:11.000 That's what I'm saying, though.

02:13:12.000 You know how to fucking...

02:13:13.000 You're a literal rocket scientist.

02:13:16.000 You know about rockets.

02:13:17.000 And then in your free time, you're like, let me put out this goofy-ass ghetto.

02:13:21.000 Yeah, so the 1930s, when the Suicide Squad began conducting their explosive experiments, rocket science belonged largely to the realm of science fiction.

02:13:31.000 Oh, wow.

02:13:32.000 So this guy...

02:13:33.000 So they were thinking it was all horse shit.

02:13:37.000 It was mostly science fiction.

02:13:38.000 This guy was like a legit rocket scientist who's also a Satanist.

02:13:41.000 So this guy's place, this python cowboy dude went to this guy's place and he said there's like blood splatter on the walls.

02:13:48.000 There was like a chair that had like this red puddle underneath it.

02:13:52.000 He was like, it creeped him the fuck out and he ran out of there.

02:13:55.000 This is it.

02:13:57.000 That guy went to his place?

02:13:58.000 Yeah.

02:14:10.000 I know he had video footage of it, but he said it's really creepy.

02:14:13.000 So this is him when he, like, he's stumbling upon, like, they got Latin written on the walls, and it's weird.

02:14:21.000 So a lot of these places, I guess, these Satanists had come in and they're doing, like, their little rituals in this place, little psychos.

02:14:30.000 Earlier when I said that we went too far with technology, I'm starting to take it back.

02:14:34.000 Take it back.

02:14:35.000 Now I feel like, hey man, kill some time on Netflix and Instagram.

02:14:37.000 Don't go spray paint upside down crosses and stuff.

02:14:40.000 Yeah, don't be sacrificing people in the woods.

02:14:42.000 Go get Disney Plus or something.

02:14:44.000 Yeah, get Paramount Plus.

02:14:45.000 Yeah.

02:14:46.000 Go watch the new South Park one, the Pandaverse.

02:14:48.000 Hell yeah.

02:14:49.000 You don't have to...

02:14:50.000 But, you know, there's always been people that are, like, doing secret things on the fringe, you know?

02:14:55.000 There's always been people like that, that are doing, like, forbidden secret things in society.

02:15:00.000 Yeah, little penis people.

02:15:04.000 That has to be what it is, you know?

02:15:05.000 You gotta find something to, like, obsess about.

02:15:08.000 You gotta, like, distract people from your real issue sometimes.

02:15:13.000 I think there's also people that are in these elite circles of world leaders and shit like that.

02:15:20.000 I think they probably like to do the creepiest, most deranged shit secretly.

02:15:26.000 They have these little secret societies together.

02:15:28.000 For sure.

02:15:29.000 It's always been the case.

02:15:31.000 There's got to be some weird shit going on.

02:15:32.000 Too much time and money on your hands can lead to some, like, how do I achieve the next level of being elite?

02:15:39.000 You know what I mean?

02:15:41.000 There was this guy in, so like when I used to go work at my dad's body shop, we stopped at this gas station sometimes.

02:15:48.000 And that area was a lot of like, it's like a hood area that would neighbor like the mansion area.

02:15:55.000 So there's like a lot of rich folk around there too.

02:15:57.000 And sometimes, man, there'd be people doing weird shit.

02:15:59.000 There was a guy, this little memory still goes through my head.

02:16:02.000 Not like elite weird shit, but just weird.

02:16:04.000 Like there was a guy.

02:16:06.000 Who would hold, like, his paintings, like, from his house.

02:16:09.000 He had, like, really nice paintings.

02:16:11.000 Park.

02:16:12.000 He had, like, an old-school...

02:16:13.000 I don't remember what he drove.

02:16:15.000 It was fucking expensive.

02:16:16.000 I just remember this guy's, like, rich!

02:16:18.000 Let me just hold, like, these fucking paintings and just stand on the street like a homeless man.

02:16:23.000 And it's just fucking...

02:16:24.000 Just wanted everybody to see his painting?

02:16:25.000 Yeah, it's just nuts.

02:16:26.000 He's just fucking rich, crazy guy with way too much time on his hands.

02:16:29.000 And when I saw that, I was like, bro, like, once you reach a level of money, like...

02:16:34.000 You probably just do crazy shit just for the fuck out.

02:16:37.000 Just because you can, you know what I mean?

02:16:40.000 Especially if all you do is make money.

02:16:43.000 Like, that's what those dominatrix ladies always say.

02:16:45.000 Their clients are always these guys who are like these CEOs of mega corporations and they just want to get pissed on and yell that and slap.

02:16:54.000 It's a fucking nut!

02:16:54.000 Yeah, they want to get tied up and thrown in the corner.

02:16:57.000 Shut the fuck up!

02:16:58.000 And they come over and kick them in the balls.

02:17:00.000 They want that.

02:17:01.000 Bro, did you ever see that movie?

02:17:04.000 I mean, it's like they made the movie about the movie The Room.

02:17:07.000 Yeah.

02:17:08.000 That was like Tommy Wise.

02:17:10.000 What's his name?

02:17:10.000 I don't remember his name.

02:17:11.000 I was messing up.

02:17:12.000 But there's that scene in the movie that made fun of the movie where like Joe Rogan's character, like the director goes to the bank and he's like, I want to cash this check.

02:17:21.000 And they're like, all right, yeah.

02:17:23.000 And he's like, holy shit, it worked.

02:17:24.000 And the bank teller's telling him, he's just like, this guy's bank account.

02:17:28.000 It's like a bottomless pit.

02:17:30.000 That amount of money has to be kind of scary, though.

02:17:32.000 Because you either go make shitty movies with your money, then you don't know what the fuck you're doing, like that guy, which is funny.

02:17:38.000 Or you probably also do scary shit.

02:17:41.000 That's a scary amount of money to have.

02:17:42.000 I know people who struggle financially are probably like, oh man, if I could just have this money, if I could just have that money.

02:17:48.000 Yeah, life would be easier.

02:17:50.000 But if there's no challenge, if there's no maze to run through...

02:17:52.000 What are you really gonna do with that much free time?

02:17:54.000 I'll tell you what you're gonna do.

02:17:55.000 You're gonna get in a homemade submarine and die in the ocean.

02:17:58.000 You see what I'm saying?

02:17:59.000 Yeah, those dudes.

02:18:00.000 That's exactly what that was like.

02:18:02.000 That was $250,000 a ticket to get in that submarine.

02:18:06.000 And die.

02:18:07.000 Why?

02:18:07.000 And the submarine had no windows, right?

02:18:09.000 Well, it had like little small windows.

02:18:11.000 You're seeing things through a screen.

02:18:14.000 They call me old school, but I feel like if I spent $250,000 on the ticket, I want like a luxurious experience.

02:18:20.000 I want to see the fucking ocean not through a tiny little screen.

02:18:24.000 I want communication with the outside world.

02:18:26.000 I do want to get rich.

02:18:28.000 Don't get me wrong.

02:18:28.000 I do want to get rich because I feel like pretty soon...

02:18:30.000 What are you going to buy?

02:18:33.000 What kind of car are you going to get?

02:18:34.000 I mean, I'm not too worried about all that.

02:18:36.000 I really want to save money.

02:18:37.000 You like painting.

02:18:38.000 Don't you want a dope car?

02:18:38.000 I want to go to the moon.

02:18:40.000 Oh, you're one of those dudes.

02:18:41.000 Yeah.

02:18:41.000 Elon Musk is probably going to offer rides soon, you know?

02:18:44.000 $250,000 a ticket.

02:18:46.000 I think you could already get into space for that amount of cheddar.

02:18:48.000 Yeah?

02:18:49.000 Yeah, I think you can get into space for like $250,000.

02:18:51.000 I want to go to space.

02:18:52.000 Like the Blue Origin?

02:18:54.000 Don't they fly people into space?

02:18:56.000 Bro, you want to wait a few years.

02:18:58.000 Yeah?

02:18:58.000 I definitely want them to get the kinks out.

02:19:01.000 Work out the glitches and shit.

02:19:02.000 You don't want to die in a fiery ball of hell.

02:19:05.000 Yeah.

02:19:06.000 Crashing into the ocean, burning alive.

02:19:08.000 Nah, yeah.

02:19:09.000 Blue Origin.

02:19:10.000 For suborbital flights, Blue Origin typically charges around $200,000 to $300,000 per person.

02:19:15.000 The cost includes a one-hour flight and a three-hour preparation program.

02:19:19.000 For those looking to go into orbit, Blue Origin's orbital launch services range from $50 million to To 100 million per person.

02:19:30.000 Yo!

02:19:31.000 That's a big difference.

02:19:31.000 That is a giant difference.

02:19:35.000 Suborbital, is that good?

02:19:37.000 You go up for, I think they send you up for about a minute or two, and then you just float back down.

02:19:42.000 How far do you go?

02:19:43.000 What's the height?

02:19:44.000 What's suborbital?

02:19:45.000 Suborbital means you're not going out, technically, of the range where you need to go.

02:19:49.000 You're going very, very high.

02:19:50.000 That's where they sent William Shatner to it.

02:19:52.000 Is that where they send the guy, remember the guy who sky dove from the outer layer?

02:19:57.000 Oh, that wild motherfucker.

02:19:58.000 For Red Bull or whatever?

02:19:59.000 Yeah, that's my friend.

02:20:00.000 Yeah?

02:20:00.000 That's Andy Stump.

02:20:01.000 Man!

02:20:02.000 Yeah, he's a psychopath.

02:20:04.000 Was it Andy that did the...

02:20:05.000 No, no, no.

02:20:05.000 No, that's a different guy.

02:20:06.000 Andy did, but Andy did something similar.

02:20:08.000 He was on a fucking plane.

02:20:09.000 There's suborbital right here.

02:20:11.000 Okay, this is suborbital.

02:20:12.000 So they're still floating?

02:20:13.000 So they're above Earth.

02:20:15.000 They get to look down.

02:20:16.000 They're weightless.

02:20:17.000 Look at William Shatner.

02:20:18.000 He's like, I'm too old for this shit.

02:20:19.000 But you don't get way up there where you're looking down on the ball.

02:20:23.000 I don't even think that's fun right there.

02:20:25.000 I feel like the Earth is so bright, you can't even see the stars and shit.

02:20:29.000 You definitely probably won't see a star there.

02:20:31.000 No, you don't see the stars.

02:20:32.000 That's not worth it.

02:20:32.000 I'm not doing that.

02:20:33.000 But I think to see the stars, you've got to go way the fuck up there.

02:20:35.000 I don't know that they're even seeing them in the spaceship.

02:20:38.000 You've got to go way the fuck up there.

02:20:40.000 I want to go into, like, the abyss.

02:20:42.000 You probably do when you're on the dark side, don't you think, Jamie?

02:20:46.000 Yeah, but no one's been there for a long time.

02:20:48.000 Right, but you go over there for a whiz, right?

02:20:52.000 It's real fast.

02:20:53.000 You're going like 17,000 miles an hour, right?

02:20:56.000 Isn't that the space station?

02:20:57.000 Yeah, I mean, we have to look into this.

02:21:00.000 I think the only star you could probably see is the sun.

02:21:03.000 Huh.

02:21:04.000 When you're on the other side?

02:21:05.000 The dark side?

02:21:06.000 This is changing my financial plans.

02:21:08.000 You gotta get a hundred million bucks, bro.

02:21:11.000 You gotta go way up.

02:21:12.000 I wonder how much it costs for them to send me to like a warm hole or a black hole.

02:21:16.000 Well, you don't want to do that.

02:21:18.000 Nah, nah, nah.

02:21:18.000 If I'm like...

02:21:20.000 Imagine you come back and you're in the Mongol days.

02:21:22.000 You're like, motherfucker.

02:21:23.000 What is the Mongol days?

02:21:24.000 Like when Genghis Khan ruled the Earth and killed 10% of the population.

02:21:28.000 That would suck.

02:21:29.000 It sucked to...

02:21:30.000 I don't know.

02:21:30.000 I'd hope not even to come back, though.

02:21:32.000 Just go somewhere else.

02:21:33.000 Maybe there's like another planet, another universe.

02:21:35.000 Another dimension.

02:21:36.000 Yeah.

02:21:37.000 I don't know.

02:21:37.000 Maybe.

02:21:38.000 Remember when Bradley Cooper went through it, and then he came back, and Earth was, like, saved, but they're, like, living in these, like, cylinder fourth dimension things or something like that?

02:21:46.000 Is it Interstellar?

02:21:47.000 You see Interstellar?

02:21:48.000 Oh, that wasn't Bradley Cooper.

02:21:49.000 That was Matthew McConaughey, right?

02:21:50.000 Matthew McConaughey.

02:21:51.000 I always get the names mixed up.

02:21:52.000 I was confused.

02:21:53.000 Yeah.

02:21:54.000 Bradley Cooper will get his chance, too, but, yeah, Matthew McConaughey.

02:21:57.000 Yeah, that was a great movie.

02:21:58.000 Bro, even he got back in the ship and was like, nah, I'm out.

02:22:02.000 So, yeah.

02:22:03.000 Okay.

02:22:03.000 During spacewalks in Earth's shadow, astronauts can see stars once their eyes adjust to the darkness.

02:22:09.000 Holy shit!

02:22:10.000 Your eyes have to adjust to the darkness of space.

02:22:12.000 But that's spacewalks in Earth's shadow.

02:22:15.000 I don't think that's the same.

02:22:17.000 They don't go behind the moon, though.

02:22:19.000 Space station, a habitable artificial satellite in low-Earth orbit that serves the space environment.

02:22:24.000 That trip I've told you about a few times that Steve Aoki is supposed to go on.

02:22:29.000 It's supposed to be one of the first man trips back around the moon since Steve Aoki, don't die on the moon.

02:22:33.000 Bro, Steve Aoki.

02:22:34.000 I've said this to him before.

02:22:35.000 Let me say it again.

02:22:36.000 Don't do it, buddy.

02:22:36.000 That guy is fucking badass.

02:22:38.000 He's badass.

02:22:39.000 He's a cool dude, too.

02:22:41.000 You know a lot of cool people.

02:22:42.000 He's very cool.

02:22:44.000 On crew for first mission to the moon.

02:22:47.000 Steve, you want to be on the 100th mission.

02:22:50.000 But by the way, I think they did a hundred of those submarine dives before that one exploded.

02:22:55.000 Oh, shit.

02:22:56.000 I think they did a bunch of them.

02:22:57.000 Damn.

02:22:58.000 It wasn't like they were the first people.

02:22:59.000 They probably go, oh, you got the kinks worked out.

02:23:01.000 I'll try this bitch out.

02:23:03.000 I've done it a hundred times.

02:23:05.000 What could go wrong?

02:23:06.000 Fucked up.

02:23:07.000 Even car accidents happen every day.

02:23:08.000 Well, if you send the same thing down there a hundred times, you also gotta think, like, how many times can it go before it caves in?

02:23:15.000 Have you guys pressure tested that motherfucker at 30,000 feet below the earth?

02:23:19.000 That is another fucking...

02:23:20.000 Or however deep you're going?

02:23:21.000 It's such a scary thing about the sea.

02:23:24.000 It's the fucking pressure.

02:23:26.000 If you come up too fast, you could, like, get sick, right?

02:23:28.000 You gotta get, like, incubated.

02:23:30.000 Yeah.

02:23:31.000 You can get fucked up.

02:23:32.000 Are there other things like that submarine ship available that we just don't know about?

02:23:36.000 I'm sure there are.

02:23:37.000 I'm sure that's not the only one, right?

02:23:39.000 I bet the Russians will take you down.

02:23:41.000 Remember that movie where the Russians, the Odessa files, is that what it's called?

02:23:45.000 Is that what it's called?

02:23:46.000 The documentary?

02:23:48.000 The Odessa, what was that called?

02:23:50.000 But there was a documentary where this dude, they offered to sell him a fucking submarine.

02:23:55.000 This drug dealer.

02:23:56.000 Operation Odessa.

02:23:58.000 He goes, do you want nukes too?

02:23:59.000 He's like, what?

02:24:00.000 What the fuck?

02:24:01.000 Nukes.

02:24:01.000 They offered to sell them nukes?

02:24:03.000 They offered to sell them nukes.

02:24:04.000 They offered to sell them a submarine.

02:24:06.000 That's true freedom, I guess, you know?

02:24:07.000 Well, I think if you got that drug dealer money.

02:24:10.000 Yeah, Operation Odessa.

02:24:12.000 Click on that.

02:24:15.000 Who made that documentary?

02:24:16.000 I should have sold drugs.

02:24:17.000 Tiller Russell, that's right.

02:24:18.000 Tiller Russell, who was a guest on the podcast and told us all about this.

02:24:21.000 This is a wild dude who's a real guy.

02:24:24.000 A Russian mobster in Miami sold a Soviet submarine to Colombian coke smugglers.

02:24:30.000 Nice.

02:24:30.000 Seven years ago, filmmaker Tiller Russell was preparing to meet the former Russian mobster at the center of Miami's craziest true crime...

02:24:40.000 True crime caper of the 90s, and he was hoping, or more like praying, a guard at the prison deep in a Panamanian jungle wouldn't screw him over.

02:24:48.000 Yeah, it's an amazing story.

02:24:50.000 The documentary is incredible, but it's all true.

02:24:53.000 Back then, after the collapse of the Soviet Union, they're like, what do you want?

02:24:57.000 You want to buy nuclear bombs?

02:24:59.000 We sell you nuclear bombs.

02:25:01.000 Hold on, I gotta write that down.

02:25:02.000 I gotta fucking check it out.

02:25:04.000 Yeah, it's a great documentary.

02:25:05.000 Submarine.

02:25:06.000 He did an amazing job with that film, too.

02:25:09.000 It's like, the way it puts it together, you're like, what?

02:25:11.000 But it's all real stories.

02:25:13.000 I think back then, like, you could buy shit.

02:25:16.000 You need a tank?

02:25:18.000 Talk to Victor.

02:25:19.000 Victor can get your tank.

02:25:21.000 That's what I like about- You want a big tank?

02:25:23.000 That's what I like about just being here in Texas.

02:25:25.000 I feel like most shit you could buy.

02:25:28.000 Most shit?

02:25:28.000 You could buy tigers out here.

02:25:30.000 Yeah, one of my uncles had a tiger, but he said it got really expensive to feed it.

02:25:33.000 Oh, I would imagine.

02:25:34.000 He was down in South Texas, also doing some less than legal business.

02:25:38.000 And he said he feeded like a lot of chickens.

02:25:41.000 Yeah, they eat chickens whole.

02:25:42.000 Yeah.

02:25:43.000 But that's like a snack for a tiger.

02:25:45.000 He was like, after a while, it got too fucking expensive to keep it.

02:25:48.000 How many chickens you gotta feed a tiger in a day?

02:25:50.000 I would imagine like five or six chickens.

02:25:52.000 Five or six.

02:25:53.000 Maybe, yeah.

02:25:53.000 At least.

02:25:54.000 They're huge.

02:25:55.000 How much room do you give the tiger to like live, you know?

02:25:58.000 Right.

02:25:59.000 That's gotta be fucked up.

02:26:00.000 Alright, now you make sure he doesn't get out.

02:26:02.000 I'm not like a PETA guy or nothing, but damn, come on, man.

02:26:04.000 Let the tiger like breathe.

02:26:06.000 Yeah.

02:26:07.000 You shouldn't do that.

02:26:08.000 You shouldn't have a tiger in a fence.

02:26:09.000 But also, a tiger in the wild is way more dangerous.

02:26:14.000 Like, that's a dangerous thing.

02:26:16.000 So just let them loose out there.

02:26:18.000 You ever see those people who, like, raise it from, like, when they're kittens, and then they just have it in their living room?

02:26:24.000 I'd never trust it.

02:26:25.000 I know this is, like, old school, old school way of thinking.

02:26:27.000 Don't get me wrong.

02:26:28.000 Like, I have a dog.

02:26:29.000 I love my dog.

02:26:30.000 I treat him right or whatever, you know?

02:26:32.000 But, like, Maybe it's just a little old school.

02:26:35.000 But an animal's a fucking animal.

02:26:36.000 It's a fucking animal.

02:26:37.000 I don't care how much you're like, no, he's so friendly and we're raising...

02:26:41.000 I'm like, bro, an animal's a fucking animal.

02:26:43.000 Siegfried and Roy.

02:26:44.000 Look at that, yeah.

02:26:45.000 They had that tiger forever.

02:26:47.000 Yeah.

02:26:48.000 And then one day the tiger's like, I think I want to bite your neck.

02:26:51.000 There's like instinct.

02:26:53.000 I feel like biting your neck.

02:26:54.000 Yeah.

02:26:54.000 I'm tired of just getting fed scraps.

02:26:57.000 Yeah, bro.

02:26:57.000 I want to bite your fucking neck.

02:26:59.000 If I barely even trust my dog.

02:27:01.000 I mean, I trust my dog not in every situation.

02:27:04.000 Every now and then I look at him like, hey, hey, hey.

02:27:06.000 What kind of dog you got?

02:27:07.000 So I have two.

02:27:08.000 One is actually my dad's.

02:27:10.000 I think it's like those like fucking pit bull bullies or whatever.

02:27:13.000 Very good dog.

02:27:14.000 Very, very nice.

02:27:15.000 Very gentle, right?

02:27:16.000 But then I also have a Rottweiler that I left back at my grandma's.

02:27:19.000 I couldn't bring him.

02:27:20.000 And he's catchy.

02:27:21.000 And he's a good dog.

02:27:23.000 I did so much to train him, right?

02:27:26.000 I read up.

02:27:27.000 I asked people.

02:27:29.000 I can leave him in my room all day.

02:27:32.000 He won't bite a thing.

02:27:33.000 He won't piss.

02:27:34.000 He'll let me know.

02:27:35.000 I could walk him without a leash.

02:27:36.000 He'll stay by my side.

02:27:38.000 If he does get a little jumpy, runs after somebody, he'll come back.

02:27:42.000 You know?

02:27:43.000 But even him, one day, because I know maybe you might be like, oh, well, Rottweilers tend to have, like, bipolar to them or whatever.

02:27:51.000 Really?

02:27:52.000 Yeah, Rottweilers.

02:27:53.000 They're bipolar?

02:27:54.000 They can be, yeah.

02:27:55.000 They can be bipolar.

02:27:56.000 How do they find out?

02:27:58.000 I don't know.

02:28:00.000 I didn't look that deep into it.

02:28:01.000 You know what I'm saying?

02:28:02.000 Like, who's the Rottweiler psychologist who has to sit down with Rusty?

02:28:06.000 But even he tried to attack one of my sisters once.

02:28:10.000 Out of nowhere.

02:28:11.000 Oh, man.

02:28:11.000 And he's around my sister every day.

02:28:14.000 He's like a year old around this point.

02:28:16.000 He's around my sister every day.

02:28:17.000 And my dog doesn't bark.

02:28:20.000 He's never...

02:28:21.000 I've heard him bark twice.

02:28:23.000 But he didn't bark.

02:28:25.000 He growled for two seconds and then jumped.

02:28:27.000 And luckily I was already holding him.

02:28:29.000 He scratched her.

02:28:30.000 He didn't get to bite her or nothing.

02:28:32.000 Jesus Christ.

02:28:33.000 Yeah.

02:28:34.000 You kept him?

02:28:35.000 Yeah.

02:28:36.000 But we just stopped letting him around like people.

02:28:39.000 Oh, Jesus.

02:28:40.000 Yeah, but I kept him.

02:28:41.000 That's a dangerous dog.

02:28:43.000 It is.

02:28:44.000 You know, Biden's dog bit 11 people?

02:28:47.000 Joe Biden's dog bit 11 people.

02:28:51.000 Secret Service guys.

02:28:53.000 Yeah?

02:28:54.000 Yeah.

02:28:55.000 Dude, I'd be like, fuck this job.

02:28:57.000 This fucking dog's biting people.

02:28:58.000 And this is like the second dog that he's had that bites people.

02:29:01.000 Joe Biden's dog bites me, I'm turning Republican.

02:29:03.000 Biden's dog commander involved in more White House biting incidents than previously reported.

02:29:10.000 This fucking dog.

02:29:12.000 Secret Services acknowledged 11 reported biting incidents involving its personnel.

02:29:18.000 Sources spoke with CNN said the real number is higher and includes executive resident staff and other White House workers.

02:29:25.000 Those bites have ranged in severity from one known bite requiring hospital treatment to some requiring attention from the White House medical unit.

02:29:35.000 To some, going unreported and untreated.

02:29:38.000 While the First Family works for solutions to the ongoing issue, CNN has learned Commander is not on the White House campus.

02:29:46.000 Yeah, there's a real fucking solution.

02:29:48.000 He's not even holding him right on the leash.

02:29:50.000 It's called bullets.

02:29:52.000 You've developed a dangerous animal that wants to bite people.

02:29:55.000 That's a fucked up dog, man.

02:29:57.000 Take that dog out.

02:29:58.000 That's a fucked up dog.

02:29:58.000 Somebody did something bad to that dog or that dog was ignored or not trained or something went really wrong.

02:30:04.000 That's a working dog.

02:30:06.000 When my dog scratched my sister, he was able to get a little clung.

02:30:09.000 After that shit, man, I did start to like...

02:30:12.000 Try to research, like, why the fuck do dogs just flip or what, you know, could there be another reason?

02:30:17.000 Apparently, like, dogs will remember a traumatizing moment for the rest of their lives.

02:30:22.000 Did your sister do something to the dog?

02:30:24.000 So now I'm wondering, right, like, if her or maybe another kid, maybe on accident, heard it one day when trying to pet her or something, they'll remember that shit.

02:30:34.000 Oh, really?

02:30:34.000 So if, like, if a cat scratched it once, they'll hate cats forever.

02:30:39.000 Or if, like, you know what I mean?

02:30:41.000 Yeah, dangerous dogs are fucking scary, man.

02:30:44.000 I have a golden retriever.

02:30:47.000 He ain't biting nobody.

02:30:48.000 He's a friendly dog.

02:30:49.000 He's the worst dog for, like, guard dog duty.

02:30:51.000 He loves everybody.

02:30:53.000 He's just a bundle of love.

02:30:55.000 That's a dog.

02:30:56.000 You don't have to worry about him around anything, except squirrels.

02:30:59.000 He'll fuck squirrels.

02:31:00.000 He's a demon to squirrels.

02:31:01.000 I fuck with cats sometimes.

02:31:02.000 I know a lot of people hate cats, but I'm not, like, a super attentive, loving person all the time, and I feel like dogs kind of need that or they get sad.

02:31:10.000 They definitely do.

02:31:11.000 And I don't have a cat, but...

02:31:13.000 If you're gonna go on the road, having a dog is rough.

02:31:15.000 Like, you know, if you're on the road all the time, that dog's gonna get ignored on the weekends.

02:31:20.000 Also, I don't like to be that guy who carries around a little dog.

02:31:23.000 I mean, respect to the people that do, but I'm not going to be that guy.

02:31:26.000 So bring a little dog with you on the road, like a little chihuahua?

02:31:28.000 No offense to the comics that do, but it's kind of girly.

02:31:32.000 Yeah, but if your dog likes it, like Peter Shore, the brother of Pauly Shore, he was always bringing his little dog to the comic store.

02:31:43.000 The dog's adorable.

02:31:44.000 I don't know.

02:31:45.000 I'm not going to do it.

02:31:46.000 But then when I do see not every comic...

02:31:49.000 I don't love everybody's dog.

02:31:50.000 You know what I mean?

02:31:51.000 I like dogs.

02:31:51.000 I don't like everybody's dog.

02:31:53.000 But there are some comics that I see their dog, I'm like, alright, that's a cool dog.

02:31:57.000 And then there are other comics where they have their dog and I'm like, that's gay.

02:32:00.000 Ron White had a really cool French bulldog named Mustard.

02:32:04.000 Mustard got taken by a coyote.

02:32:06.000 Oh shit!

02:32:07.000 Yeah.

02:32:08.000 That's fucked up.

02:32:09.000 That's a cool ass name too, Mustard.

02:32:11.000 Yeah, coyotes are...

02:32:12.000 That's a weird little animal that lives alongside people.

02:32:16.000 Because it's really a little wolf.

02:32:17.000 It's a little wolf that lives alongside people and eats your pets.

02:32:21.000 Fucking coyotes.

02:32:22.000 They're creepers.

02:32:24.000 I hope the wolves got that coyote.

02:32:26.000 Well, that's why coyotes are so dangerous.

02:32:29.000 Not dangerous, but one of the interesting things about coyotes is coyotes evolved around wolves, and gray wolves kill coyotes.

02:32:38.000 They don't breed with them.

02:32:39.000 The eastern wolves, like red wolves, they breed with coyotes, and you get the coy wolf.

02:32:43.000 It's like a hybrid wolf-coyote.

02:32:45.000 Not in the west.

02:32:46.000 So the western wolves, they just killed coyotes.

02:32:49.000 So when coyotes would lose one of the members, the female coyotes would have more babies.

02:32:54.000 So when they would call out, If one of them was missing, it would send some sort of a biological process into the female coyotes, and they would have more pups.

02:33:03.000 What the fuck?

02:33:04.000 And then they would spread out into new territory.

02:33:06.000 Where did you learn this?

02:33:07.000 Were you raised by wolves?

02:33:08.000 I had a man on the podcast named Dan Flores.

02:33:11.000 He wrote an amazing book called Coyote America that I read.

02:33:14.000 And it's all about the history of the coyote in North America.

02:33:18.000 It's in every city.

02:33:19.000 Coyotes are in every city in every state.

02:33:22.000 And they didn't used to be.

02:33:23.000 They used to be confined mostly to the West and the Southwest.

02:33:26.000 But because of human beings like moving in and killing coyotes and trying to force them out and then agriculture and all these different things, they just kept spreading out.

02:33:34.000 And now they're everywhere.

02:33:35.000 Damn.

02:33:36.000 Every city.

02:33:36.000 New York City has coyotes in it.

02:33:38.000 For real?

02:33:38.000 For real.

02:33:39.000 Oh, shit.

02:33:40.000 Yeah, we'll show you some photos.

02:33:42.000 There's coyotes in Central Park, man.

02:33:43.000 I was watching that movie Collateral with Tom Cruise.

02:33:47.000 Great fucking movie.

02:33:48.000 And there's like a coyote that goes in the room.

02:33:50.000 Yeah.

02:33:50.000 I remember when I saw that, I was like, oh, I bet that'll happen in Cali because they got like hills and shit.

02:33:55.000 But man, now I'm like, that could happen anywhere.

02:33:57.000 Well, the first time I ever saw a coyote was in 94 when I first moved to L.A., And I was staying at this place in Burbank called the Oakwood Gardens.

02:34:05.000 It's a place where when you move to a new place, they rented out pre-furnished apartments.

02:34:09.000 So it already had a couch, already had a bed.

02:34:12.000 You bring in your clothes, you're good.

02:34:13.000 It's like a hotel, but you live in it.

02:34:15.000 It's an apartment.

02:34:16.000 And I was pulling up to the place in my rental car and I saw three little dogs.

02:34:22.000 I was like, what the fuck is that?

02:34:23.000 What are those things?

02:34:24.000 And as I got closer, I'm like, oh shit, those are coyotes.

02:34:27.000 In the middle of Burbank.

02:34:29.000 God damn.

02:34:29.000 Just hanging out in the street.

02:34:31.000 Yeah, that's one on the roof in New York City.

02:34:34.000 Look at that.

02:34:35.000 How the fuck does it even get there?

02:34:36.000 I don't know.

02:34:37.000 You ever see those videos of, like, bears swimming up on the shore in Florida?

02:34:42.000 Oh, yeah.

02:34:43.000 That's fucking crazy.

02:34:44.000 There are a lot of bears.

02:34:45.000 You're already trying to watch out for sharks, and I ain't got to watch out for bears, too?

02:34:49.000 Dude!

02:34:49.000 This is too much!

02:34:50.000 Didn't some lady get killed recently by a bear in Florida?

02:34:54.000 I think some woman got killed by a black bear in Florida.

02:34:57.000 There are a lot of bears in Florida.

02:35:00.000 That's just too much.

02:35:02.000 I know.

02:35:02.000 It's crazy.

02:35:03.000 Florida's got everything, man.

02:35:04.000 They got alligators, pythons, iguanas, bears.

02:35:08.000 That's like getting killed by a bear at the Mall of America.

02:35:10.000 It wasn't supposed to happen there.

02:35:12.000 You know what I mean?

02:35:12.000 How the fuck did it end up there?

02:35:15.000 Imagine a bear getting in the Mall of America and just running through people.

02:35:18.000 That's a big mall.

02:35:20.000 But that's Minneapolis, right?

02:35:22.000 Yeah.

02:35:24.000 Someone's gonna have a gun.

02:35:27.000 How many bullets do you think it'd take, though, to take down a gun?

02:35:30.000 From a 9mm?

02:35:30.000 Depends on what kind of bear.

02:35:32.000 If it's a grizzly bear, you're fucked.

02:35:34.000 You need something heavy.

02:35:35.000 You need a.45 or a.10.

02:35:37.000 And 9mm's not enough stopping power.

02:35:40.000 You really want, like, a.300 Win Mag.

02:35:42.000 You want a rifle.

02:35:43.000 You got a bear.

02:35:44.000 You want a large-caliber weapon to take that fucking thing out.

02:35:47.000 You do not want a bear wounded.

02:35:49.000 That's still running at you, and your bullets are going in a couple of inches, and it's just ready to fuck you up.

02:35:55.000 Do you walk around with a gun?

02:35:56.000 You don't have to answer that.

02:35:57.000 I wouldn't answer that.

02:36:02.000 But if I was around a lot of grizzly bears, I would definitely have a gun.

02:36:07.000 Yeah?

02:36:07.000 Yeah, I know people that go in grizzly country, they don't bring a gun.

02:36:09.000 I'm like, what are you doing?

02:36:11.000 Do you want to die by the way of being eaten by a giant wild dog?

02:36:16.000 I think it's crazy that people, like, go to hikes in places where there's bears.

02:36:22.000 Like, I mean, I get it.

02:36:23.000 You know what I mean?

02:36:23.000 You want to experience.

02:36:24.000 Well, I think if you live in a place like Montana or something like that, it's just a part of the world.

02:36:29.000 The world has grizzly bears in it.

02:36:31.000 You know, they just coexist with them.

02:36:33.000 You hope you don't run upon a mama and her cubs.

02:36:35.000 That's the scariest thing.

02:36:37.000 Scariest thing is accidentally stumbling upon a mama grizzly bear with her cubs.

02:36:42.000 You ever gone hunting?

02:36:43.000 Yeah, sure.

02:36:44.000 You like it?

02:36:44.000 I love hunting, yeah.

02:36:45.000 I've never gone hunting, but one time we were walking through this like fucking trail.

02:36:52.000 It wasn't even like a trail.

02:36:52.000 We were trying to get to like a river to go fishing.

02:36:55.000 And they were saying that there's like wild hogs out there that come at you.

02:36:59.000 And I kind of like that.

02:37:01.000 Like, I don't know if I'd want to, like, hunt, like, wait for the animal spotted or whatever.

02:37:05.000 I mean, I don't know how it goes.

02:37:06.000 But I kind of like the idea of, like, well, I'd have to fucking kill it if it came at me.

02:37:11.000 You know what I mean?

02:37:11.000 Then you'd have to eat it, too.

02:37:13.000 Maybe.

02:37:13.000 I don't know.

02:37:14.000 Start a campfire.

02:37:15.000 I'd die.

02:37:15.000 If I try to fucking eat an animal that I kill, I'm fucking up somewhere.

02:37:19.000 Because isn't there, like, a certain amount of time you have?

02:37:21.000 Like, you got to skin it and make sure this is clean and no cross-contamination.

02:37:24.000 I can't even cook at home, bro.

02:37:26.000 Oh.

02:37:29.000 It's not for everybody.

02:37:30.000 But the wild pig thing is a crazy way to get into hunting because you kind of have to kill those.

02:37:35.000 They breed so often.

02:37:37.000 They breed three times a year.

02:37:38.000 They start breeding when they're six months old.

02:37:41.000 What the fuck?

02:37:42.000 Six months old, they start pumping out little piglets.

02:37:44.000 I'm not one to judge.

02:37:47.000 I know a lot of teenage parents.

02:37:50.000 Yeah, pigs are a scourge.

02:37:52.000 It's a crazy animal.

02:37:53.000 They're everywhere, too.

02:37:54.000 In Texas?

02:37:55.000 Shit.

02:37:56.000 There's so many of them here, they hunt them by helicopter.

02:37:59.000 There's like fucking...

02:38:00.000 They're not coyotes, but there's a lot of dogs, man, out there where I live out in the country.

02:38:04.000 And I had to get used to that when I first moved out there.

02:38:07.000 Wild dogs?

02:38:08.000 Yeah.

02:38:08.000 Or even like...

02:38:09.000 Just strays running around.

02:38:10.000 There's strays.

02:38:11.000 And the people that own dogs just kind of let them be out.

02:38:14.000 Yeah.

02:38:15.000 And I had to get used to that because I was just living like in a regular fucking neighborhood.

02:38:19.000 And if I wanted to go jog sometimes or some shit, sometimes I'd just go out and run.

02:38:24.000 One night, I just started running.

02:38:26.000 And I started getting chased by dogs.

02:38:28.000 Oh, shit.

02:38:29.000 There was a fucking dog just coming at me from...

02:38:31.000 Everybody out there has a pretty big piece of land.

02:38:35.000 It's like trailer homes and shit.

02:38:36.000 And I just saw it leave the porch and started coming at me.

02:38:39.000 But I was pretty far where I'm like, bro, if I just chop, if I just run as fast as I can, I don't think it's going to come that far, you know?

02:38:45.000 And then another dog started coming.

02:38:47.000 I was like, what the fuck?

02:38:48.000 So I just took off.

02:38:50.000 I took off.

02:38:50.000 And I finally got away, like, far, far.

02:38:52.000 And I had to call my sister to come pick me up.

02:38:54.000 I'm like, I can't even jog back.

02:38:56.000 Like, I can't run back, man.

02:38:58.000 The dog's probably waiting for you.

02:38:59.000 Like, that dude's gonna come back.

02:39:00.000 He's tired.

02:39:01.000 Yeah, I think they were waiting.

02:39:03.000 Fucking country-ass dogs.

02:39:05.000 Well, that's what happens to people with mountain lions, too.

02:39:07.000 The mountain lions see them running, and they're just like, where are you going, bitch?

02:39:11.000 Yeah.

02:39:11.000 It's like their instincts kick in.

02:39:12.000 Their instincts kick in.

02:39:13.000 Yeah.

02:39:13.000 Even I see people running on and chasing them sometimes.

02:39:16.000 Wild dogs in Texas appear to carry DNA of wolf declared extinct.

02:39:18.000 Oh, shit.

02:39:20.000 That's a Texas dog right there.

02:39:22.000 Whoa.

02:39:23.000 There were, I didn't see what year, but there were previously red wolves and gray wolves in Texas that are supposedly extinct.

02:39:29.000 Oh, wow.

02:39:31.000 And so there might be still wolves in Texas?

02:39:33.000 Yeah.

02:39:33.000 Is that what they think?

02:39:36.000 It said that what kind of dogs are in Texas?

02:39:37.000 There's coyotes and packs of neglected domestic dogs running around.

02:39:40.000 Wow.

02:39:42.000 I like how they say neglected.

02:39:43.000 I know they mean nobody's taking care of them, but it also just feels like maybe the dog wanted attention.

02:39:50.000 They've just been neglected.

02:39:51.000 However, Texas was once home to two wolf species, the gray wolf and the red wolf, but sadly they were hunted to extinction in the Lone Star State.

02:39:59.000 Sadly, if you're not a rancher.

02:40:01.000 If you're a rancher, it's like, good.

02:40:03.000 Yeah.

02:40:03.000 Jesus Christ.

02:40:05.000 I have a friend who lives in B.C., like, northern B.C., British Columbia, and they'll occasionally, a wolf will just, like, they'll have, like, a pack of wolves that, like, takes out a calf, and they'll hear it in the middle of the night, just horrible sounds of, like, wolves that are,

02:40:20.000 like, ripping apart a cow, and then, you know, other people find out about it, and they have to deal with them, and I ran into a dude once at the airport, And I think I had like a camouflage jacket on or something like that.

02:40:31.000 And he goes, are you a hunter?

02:40:33.000 I didn't know what to say because he was like a regular dude.

02:40:36.000 I was like, I hope this isn't an argument.

02:40:39.000 I was like, yeah, I was up here moose hunting.

02:40:41.000 And he goes, we like to wolf hunt up here.

02:40:43.000 He goes, yeah, we got a real problem with wolves.

02:40:46.000 He just starts telling me about wolves.

02:40:47.000 And I go, what do you do?

02:40:48.000 He goes, well, we take like a garbage pail and we throw scraps of meat in there and then we freeze it.

02:40:55.000 And then we take it, and we'll put that in the middle of a field, and then we hide.

02:40:59.000 And if the wolves get desperate enough, they'll smell it, and they'll come to that frozen meat, and then you just take them out.

02:41:05.000 I was like, Jesus.

02:41:06.000 Damn.

02:41:07.000 I go, how many do you kill?

02:41:08.000 He goes, you can't even put a dent in the population.

02:41:10.000 Bro, imagine that's your life.

02:41:13.000 Imagine you have to make time during the week to go try to put a dent in this population.

02:41:18.000 Yeah, so you can't even put a dent in the population.

02:41:20.000 He goes, the smart ones never fall for it.

02:41:22.000 Because they've, like, been got before.

02:41:24.000 They saw one of their pack get killed before that way.

02:41:27.000 The fucking smart ones don't fall for it.

02:41:29.000 So wolves are smartening up to this shit, too?

02:41:31.000 Oh, they'll wait.

02:41:32.000 They'll wait.

02:41:32.000 And then they'll have the young ones that are stupid.

02:41:34.000 And the young, stupid ones will go in there and get shot.

02:41:38.000 The wolves are only going to get smarter.

02:41:39.000 They're only going to get smarter and...

02:41:41.000 Eventually these wolves are going to figure out how to fuck with your Instagram algorithm and give you bad wolf-killing techniques so you don't get killed by wolves.

02:41:49.000 Yeah, they're going to do Russian disinformation.

02:41:52.000 Wolves are going to give up.

02:41:53.000 Yeah.

02:41:54.000 They're smart, man.

02:41:54.000 They're smart.

02:41:56.000 It's a creepy animal to bring back.

02:41:59.000 Because for the longest time, they were like a really terrifying thing that we had to deal with.

02:42:05.000 People in Europe, they had to deal with wolves, man.

02:42:07.000 I'm afraid of sharks.

02:42:08.000 I've never seen a shark.

02:42:11.000 I don't even want to like...

02:42:13.000 I don't know.

02:42:13.000 Maybe I'd go in that little cage where you can be around the sharks.

02:42:16.000 Fuck that, dude.

02:42:16.000 They go right through that cage.

02:42:18.000 They do?

02:42:18.000 Yeah, Jamie just sent me something.

02:42:20.000 Jamie just sent me one.

02:42:22.000 Pull it up, Jamie.

02:42:22.000 I'm intrigued by them, but I'm also scared as fuck, because you can't swim that fast.

02:42:27.000 You want to watch that from a boat with a shotgun in your hand?

02:42:30.000 Yeah.

02:42:31.000 Fuck you.

02:42:32.000 Fuck you, monster.

02:42:33.000 Fuck you, you fucking swimming disposal unit of all biological organisms.

02:42:37.000 I'll have fucking nightmares about sharks and alligators.

02:42:39.000 I'll have nightmares where you ever been in like where the water is kind of like up to your knee and you can't necessarily run too fast like it's like that uncomfortable and there's fucking gators just chasing me and I'm running through like the water.

02:42:52.000 I don't know what those really mean.

02:42:53.000 That means stay the fuck away from algae.

02:42:56.000 Look at this.

02:42:56.000 Watch this.

02:42:57.000 Go full screen, Jamie.

02:42:59.000 Watch this shit.

02:43:00.000 This motherfucker just goes right through the cage.

02:43:04.000 So the shark swims into the cage and busts through the side of the cage and then comes out the top.

02:43:10.000 Watch this shit.

02:43:12.000 Is there a dude in that cage?

02:43:13.000 That's the part of why I thought- Oh shit!

02:43:16.000 You have to wait for the end.

02:43:17.000 Look at that.

02:43:18.000 Listen to the people.

02:43:22.000 Was there anyone in there?

02:43:26.000 Oh my god.

02:43:29.000 Yes, there was.

02:43:30.000 So is the guy dead?

02:43:31.000 No.

02:43:32.000 The guy got out?

02:43:33.000 Oh my god.

02:43:34.000 I can't tell if he's bleeding on his side, though.

02:43:36.000 I tried to check a couple times.

02:43:37.000 Oh my god.

02:43:38.000 He seems fine, because they're not all reacting extra crazy and you don't see blood.

02:43:42.000 Oh my god.

02:43:44.000 Oh my god.

02:43:46.000 And there's the dude.

02:43:47.000 He's still in there.

02:43:48.000 Holy shit, bro.

02:43:49.000 That dude's staying calm too.

02:43:50.000 I feel like if I'm that guy and I saw my opening to get out, I would have flown out faster than the shark.

02:43:54.000 Just like a fucking fish out of water.

02:43:56.000 Holy shit, dude.

02:43:57.000 That guy's just calmly climbing out.

02:43:58.000 And he's dressed like a seal.

02:44:00.000 There's the shark.

02:44:01.000 It goes right in the side.

02:44:02.000 God, that's a big-ass shark.

02:44:03.000 Boom!

02:44:03.000 It just goes right through the cage.

02:44:05.000 Someone flipped the top, thankfully, for them.

02:44:08.000 Oh, my God.

02:44:09.000 Look at him.

02:44:09.000 Yeah, the dude was on his toes.

02:44:11.000 Oh, my God.

02:44:11.000 That's so scary.

02:44:13.000 And the shark does not want to be in there.

02:44:15.000 Oh, my God, dude.

02:44:17.000 Fuck that, Ralph.

02:44:19.000 Fuck that, right?

02:44:21.000 I still want to kind of go in one, but I just want to make sure I go around like some pussy-ass sharks, like some little ones, like...

02:44:28.000 I don't think they have any idea what kind of power those things have.

02:44:34.000 It went right through that bullshit cave.

02:44:36.000 That's like someone building a fence made out of popsicle sticks and telling you to stay out.

02:44:40.000 Did you see that guy that was swimming here?

02:44:43.000 Look at the size of that thing!

02:44:45.000 How big is that one?

02:44:47.000 That's the largest?

02:44:48.000 Oh my god.

02:44:49.000 I think that's a girl.

02:44:50.000 Yeah, it is.

02:44:51.000 She got a little booty on her.

02:44:52.000 Ocean Ramsey.

02:44:53.000 She's a famous shark diver.

02:44:55.000 Oh shit.

02:44:56.000 On the Instagram.

02:44:57.000 This doesn't say how big it is.

02:44:58.000 It just says it's the largest.

02:44:59.000 It's big enough.

02:45:00.000 Jesus Christ, look at the size of it.

02:45:02.000 With record-breaking largest great white shark.

02:45:05.000 Look how small she is compared to that fucking shark.

02:45:09.000 That's so crazy.

02:45:10.000 That's crazy that she's just like holding the fin.

02:45:12.000 Oh my god, what are you doing?

02:45:15.000 I guess she knows what she's doing.

02:45:16.000 She's still alive.

02:45:18.000 Jesus Christ.

02:45:19.000 Look at the shark vag.

02:45:22.000 I'll show you the vag.

02:45:23.000 Look.

02:45:24.000 Get a close up.

02:45:25.000 Look at that thing.

02:45:26.000 Look at that.

02:45:28.000 Some people have like a calmness, man.

02:45:30.000 They can go around crazy animals and they don't make the animal nervous.

02:45:34.000 I don't have that.

02:45:35.000 I tried to ride a horse once when I was a kid.

02:45:37.000 Fucking horse started going crazy.

02:45:39.000 Everybody thought I was like devil possessed or something.

02:45:41.000 Why is the horse so...

02:45:42.000 Because you're probably nervous, right?

02:45:44.000 Yeah.

02:45:44.000 And the horse probably felt it.

02:45:46.000 Like, oh, this motherfucker's on me.

02:45:47.000 He's freaking me out.

02:45:48.000 I'm that guy that if you bring your fucking dog around, my dog's gonna bark or some shit.

02:45:52.000 Oh, no.

02:45:52.000 I'm not, yeah.

02:45:53.000 Trust me, not my dog.

02:45:55.000 Alright.

02:45:56.000 My dog will run right up to you.

02:45:57.000 Hello, you're my new best friend!

02:45:58.000 That's a golden retriever, you said, right?

02:46:00.000 I've never been around a golden retriever.

02:46:01.000 Oh, my God.

02:46:02.000 They're bundles of love.

02:46:04.000 Alright.

02:46:04.000 He loves everybody.

02:46:05.000 Everybody's just love.

02:46:07.000 He'll drop on his back, like, grab my belly!

02:46:09.000 Oh, okay.

02:46:10.000 He doesn't even know you.

02:46:11.000 He loves everybody.

02:46:12.000 Nah, I hang around people.

02:46:14.000 He'll change your opinion.

02:46:15.000 I need dogs.

02:46:15.000 Alright.

02:46:16.000 I hope so.

02:46:17.000 Yeah, because it's not like a Rottweiler.

02:46:18.000 It's the total opposite of a Rottweiler.

02:46:20.000 Everybody I hang around with just has like tough guy dogs.

02:46:23.000 Those dogs could be sketchy.

02:46:24.000 And then they'd be like, nah, he's fine.

02:46:26.000 Yeah, until he's not.

02:46:28.000 Yeah, fuck that.

02:46:28.000 Yeah, until he bites your sister, right?

02:46:30.000 Yeah, did you see what I'm saying?

02:46:31.000 Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

02:46:32.000 Fuck animals.

02:46:33.000 Yeah, fuck animals, right?

02:46:34.000 If there's anything we could say to end this podcast.

02:46:39.000 I love animals.

02:46:41.000 Some of them, you have to know what they are.

02:46:43.000 You know?

02:46:44.000 Yeah.

02:46:45.000 You can't pretend it's a fucking teddy bear.

02:46:47.000 Yeah.

02:46:47.000 I love animals.

02:46:48.000 I'm just not that person that's gonna be like fucking taking pictures with a snake at the fair.

02:46:55.000 You know what I mean?

02:46:55.000 Not me, bro.

02:46:57.000 Fuck that.

02:46:57.000 Not me.

02:46:58.000 One time the fair had this like a large alligator though.

02:47:01.000 I'll pay money to see that shit.

02:47:03.000 I was in Thailand once and they let you take photos with tigers.

02:47:07.000 But it's sad, because there's one way they treat you when you're with the baby tigers.

02:47:12.000 So if you're with the baby, like, you can get in this, like, pen where these little baby tigers are, and they're little tiny tigers.

02:47:18.000 But everybody's, like, there watching.

02:47:20.000 People are watching everything, making sure nothing gets crazy, guys have sticks and shit.

02:47:24.000 And then you get to, like, a little older tigers, and they're a little more sketched out.

02:47:28.000 Then they're, like, the people will block.

02:47:30.000 You can't take a picture sitting right next to the little tigers.

02:47:33.000 You know, the ones that are, like, 50, 60 pounds?

02:47:35.000 You can't do that.

02:47:36.000 And then they get older, and you can take pictures with them, because they're drugged up.

02:47:40.000 So there's this tiger that's on heroin, just sitting there like this.

02:47:43.000 And then people are taking selfies with this tiger.

02:47:45.000 But if you watch that tiger, the tiger is doped up.

02:47:48.000 100% doped up.

02:47:49.000 That's why you can go in there and take pictures with them.

02:47:51.000 And I was like, oh, this is fucked up.

02:47:53.000 Like, this is sad.

02:47:54.000 That is pretty sad.

02:47:55.000 Yeah, it's not like that's a pet tiger that you can trust.

02:47:58.000 No, that tiger's like...

02:48:00.000 I'm sitting there just totally drugged up.

02:48:03.000 Those tigers are gonna get smart just like the wolves did one day.

02:48:06.000 One day they're gonna fake the high.

02:48:07.000 Or imagine if you cut the tiger off and they start jonesing.

02:48:11.000 Start having fucking withdrawals.

02:48:14.000 Fucking really crazy.

02:48:15.000 Tigers start sucking dick for drugs.

02:48:17.000 Whoa!

02:48:18.000 Imagine a tiger sucking your dick.

02:48:19.000 Like, please be careful.

02:48:21.000 Please!

02:48:22.000 Please don't get a flashback.

02:48:26.000 All right, Ralph.

02:48:27.000 Let's wrap this bitch up.

02:48:28.000 We're going to do a show tonight.

02:48:29.000 Have a good time at the Mothership.

02:48:31.000 I'm excited.

02:48:32.000 You going to do Bottom of the Barrel, too?

02:48:33.000 Yeah, I'll do whatever, man.

02:48:34.000 I'm down.

02:48:35.000 Yeah, do Bottom of the Barrel, too.

02:48:36.000 It's fun.

02:48:36.000 Bottom of the Barrel is Brian Simpson's show.

02:48:38.000 So you have a whiskey barrel, and the audience will write suggestions for material topics.

02:48:43.000 Oh, yeah.

02:48:44.000 I've seen that.

02:48:44.000 It's great.

02:48:45.000 It's real fun.

02:48:46.000 Ralph, it was a pleasure.

02:48:47.000 Thank you, man.

02:48:48.000 Thank you for having me.

02:48:48.000 Appreciate you being here, man.

02:48:49.000 And congratulations on everything.

02:48:51.000 It's awesome to see you.

02:48:52.000 Thank you.

02:48:53.000 All right.

02:48:53.000 Bye, everybody.

The Joe Rogan Experience - November 22, 2023

Joe Rogan Experience #2066 - Ralph Barbosa

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