The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #2071 - Kim Congdon & Sara Weinshenk

00:00:01.000 Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out!

00:00:04.000 The Joe Rogan Experience.

00:00:06.000 Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day!

00:00:12.000 Oh.

00:00:13.000 Oh, hi.

00:00:14.000 Hi.

00:00:15.000 What's up, ladies?

00:00:16.000 Hi, hi, hi.

00:00:17.000 Welcome to town.

00:00:18.000 Thanks.

00:00:19.000 Like, legit, you guys are here now.

00:00:20.000 We're here now.

00:00:21.000 How's it feel?

00:00:22.000 It feels good.

00:00:23.000 Have you said y'all yet?

00:00:24.000 Y'all?

00:00:25.000 I've been saying y'all.

00:00:26.000 Yeah?

00:00:26.000 Yeah.

00:00:27.000 I'm from Florida.

00:00:28.000 Oh, right.

00:00:30.000 Florida's weird.

00:00:31.000 Y'all and Saul.

00:00:32.000 It's kind of southern, but it's not really.

00:00:33.000 Yeah.

00:00:34.000 Like S-A-W? Saul?

00:00:36.000 What?

00:00:37.000 I saw him.

00:00:38.000 Yeah, I saw him over there.

00:00:39.000 No!

00:00:40.000 I saw him.

00:00:40.000 What are you saying?

00:00:41.000 Saw him?

00:00:42.000 I saw him.

00:00:43.000 Are you saying solemn?

00:00:44.000 I saw him.

00:00:45.000 But you're saying it all together.

00:00:47.000 Like, solemn.

00:00:48.000 Yeah, like I saw him over there.

00:00:49.000 What a solemn moment.

00:00:50.000 No, like I saw him.

00:00:52.000 Post 9-11. 0.99

00:00:52.000 Like, oh shit, he went over there. 0.99

00:00:54.000 I just saw him. 1.00

00:00:57.000 Oh.

00:00:57.000 Okay.

00:00:59.000 Texas, they like to say, especially.

00:01:02.000 Especially?

00:01:03.000 Especially.

00:01:04.000 Don't love that.

00:01:06.000 Yeah.

00:01:06.000 A lot of people, well, especially.

00:01:08.000 They say that.

00:01:09.000 Especially.

00:01:11.000 Hey, hey, hey.

00:01:12.000 That's not the word.

00:01:13.000 Don't say it like that.

00:01:14.000 I like the video that's going viral right now with the redneck dude, and he goes, I don't care what you call me, but don't call me that.

00:01:23.000 What does he say?

00:01:24.000 He said, you can call me anything you want, but don't call me that.

00:01:29.000 Don't call him what?

00:01:30.000 I don't know.

00:01:31.000 I'm guessing the N word. 0.96

00:01:32.000 And I'm guessing gay. 0.98

00:01:34.000 I'm guessing gay. 0.77

00:01:35.000 But isn't there like, that was a thing about that movie, that show Ozark. 0.65

00:01:38.000 There's a distinction between a redneck and a hillbilly.

00:01:41.000 There he is!

00:01:42.000 Oh.

00:01:42.000 When you're a big guy and someone calls you Hoss, Bubba, or Big Boy.

00:01:55.000 Wow.

00:01:55.000 That's a real guy.

00:01:56.000 Yep.

00:01:57.000 That's a real guy.

00:01:58.000 But remember in the movie, did you guys watch Ozark?

00:02:00.000 Mm-mm.

00:02:01.000 That Netflix show?

00:02:02.000 I watched a little bit of it.

00:02:03.000 Is that with Jason Bateman?

00:02:04.000 Yeah.

00:02:05.000 Yeah, I did watch a lot of it. 0.99

00:02:06.000 Fucking great series. 0.98

00:02:07.000 It is good. 0.99

00:02:07.000 It's fucking great. 0.99

00:02:09.000 Mm-hmm. 1.00

00:02:09.000 But there's this really wild lady who's a drug smuggler. 1.00

00:02:14.000 That older lady. 1.00

00:02:15.000 And she kills this dude because he calls her either a redneck or a hillbilly. 1.00

00:02:20.000 I forget which one it was.

00:02:22.000 They had this giant drug deal with the cartel.

00:02:27.000 And they're about to set this drug deal.

00:02:29.000 And the dude said something about them being hillbillies. 1.00

00:02:33.000 And so she blows his fucking brains out with a shotgun. 1.00

00:02:35.000 It's like, What the fuck? 1.00

00:02:37.000 That's crazy. 1.00

00:02:38.000 That she was so mad at that word. 0.97

00:02:40.000 That's a white slur.

00:02:41.000 It's either we're rednecks and we're not hillbillies or we're hillbillies, not rednecks. 0.64

00:02:46.000 Which one?

00:02:46.000 I mean, they both seem like the same to me.

00:02:49.000 Hillbilly's more insulting.

00:02:50.000 I'll tell you that.

00:02:51.000 Is it?

00:02:51.000 Yeah, it's a way to call a redneck like uneducated and incest, pretty much.

00:02:56.000 It's like there's rednecks, but then if you say like hillbilly, it's like a little more. 0.97

00:03:00.000 That's what I think.

00:03:02.000 In Florida, you would say hillbilly and more insulting. 1.00

00:03:06.000 Like you fucking hillbilly. 0.99

00:03:07.000 Interesting, because a lot of guys will call themselves hillbillies and be proud of it, though. 0.99

00:03:12.000 Yeah, but it's more like a self-deprecating thing, like a joke at that point.

00:03:16.000 I don't know.

00:03:17.000 I'm a valley girl.

00:03:18.000 I don't know much about hillbilly redneck clothes. 1.00

00:03:21.000 I'm talking out of my ass, too. 1.00

00:03:23.000 I'm talking out of my ass. 1.00

00:03:24.000 I don't understand. 1.00

00:03:25.000 I didn't even know until that show that there was an issue with one of those words.

00:03:28.000 I don't even know which one that really upsets them. 0.97

00:03:31.000 But that she was willing to shoot this guy and fuck up this whole drug deal. 1.00

00:03:35.000 I don't think it's that serious, but... 0.99

00:03:37.000 It is with her.

00:03:38.000 With her it is, yeah.

00:03:39.000 But she has other issues. 0.85

00:03:40.000 I believe that lady's real. 1.00

00:03:42.000 That lady, whoever that actress is, who's that woman who played that role? 1.00

00:03:46.000 I was just looking it up.

00:03:47.000 I had her name.

00:03:48.000 Sorry.

00:03:49.000 I love that curly head.

00:03:51.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00

00:03:52.000 Crazy bitch. 1.00

00:03:52.000 That lady is a beast. 1.00

00:03:55.000 Oh, yeah. 0.98

00:03:55.000 I remember now. 0.98

00:03:57.000 She's a beast. 1.00

00:03:57.000 She's so good in that role. 1.00

00:03:59.000 Oh, my God.

00:04:00.000 You believe every second of every word that comes out of her mouth.

00:04:04.000 That is that lady. 1.00

00:04:06.000 That's a real crazy murder and drug dealer lady. 1.00

00:04:09.000 She shot a guy in the dick. 1.00

00:04:12.000 I want to act so bad. 1.00

00:04:13.000 That looks so fun.

00:04:14.000 That does look so fun.

00:04:15.000 Yeah.

00:04:16.000 Acting, so fun.

00:04:17.000 Really?

00:04:18.000 Have you done it?

00:04:19.000 Yeah.

00:04:19.000 I love it.

00:04:20.000 You love it?

00:04:20.000 We love it.

00:04:21.000 I love it.

00:04:23.000 What parts do you love?

00:04:23.000 I hate to say this.

00:04:26.000 Sometimes I like it more than stand up. 0.99

00:04:28.000 Damn. 0.99

00:04:28.000 I just think it's just different. 0.99

00:04:32.000 They're just different.

00:04:33.000 I like being someone else other than myself and becoming a different character and actually doing that.

00:04:42.000 I used to do it a lot before I started stand-up and then I fell in love with stand-up and now I'm just like stand-up, stand-up, stand-up.

00:04:48.000 I kind of feel the exact opposite.

00:04:51.000 I like finding a character and finding myself in them.

00:04:55.000 Instead of not being myself, I like finding a character and then seeing how I would be them.

00:05:01.000 And putting myself in their shoes.

00:05:02.000 I love that because then I get to see different perspectives.

00:05:08.000 I have a therapist and he says that I see in black and white.

00:05:12.000 It's either this or that and there's no in between.

00:05:14.000 Cognitive distortions.

00:05:16.000 Yeah, I do.

00:05:17.000 And so when I'm acting, it forces me to have perspective for others.

00:05:23.000 Interesting.

00:05:24.000 Because you're pretending to be a person, so you're thinking like a person like that would think.

00:05:29.000 When normally I wouldn't even consider it.

00:05:31.000 I would be just like, this is the way it is.

00:05:33.000 Right.

00:05:34.000 So it really opens up a whole, it makes me almost more empathetic and everything.

00:05:38.000 It makes me, yeah.

00:05:40.000 So I really like it.

00:05:41.000 Because there is something about being able to think in gray.

00:05:45.000 You know what I mean?

00:05:47.000 So yeah, it's really fun. 0.71

00:05:48.000 I didn't ever think I would like it, but I fucking love it. 0.56

00:05:53.000 Oh, sorry. 0.93

00:05:55.000 Who doesn't put their phone on do not disturb?

00:05:57.000 Dude, I gotta tell you, I don't know who this is.

00:05:58.000 It's not a number, but the caller ID says try to judge me incorporated.

00:06:05.000 Whoa.

00:06:05.000 Wait, that's so weird.

00:06:07.000 That's who's calling him?

00:06:08.000 We should screenshot that.

00:06:09.000 I am going to.

00:06:09.000 That used to be, when I was in my 20s, I tried to start a website called trytojudgeme.com with Mel.

00:06:16.000 It's you calling me.

00:06:17.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:06:17.000 That's so weird.

00:06:19.000 Yeah, whoever, don't get involved with them.

00:06:21.000 No.

00:06:39.000 How many scams do you get like on your phone every day a lot right?

00:06:44.000 Yeah, how do they get numbers?

00:06:46.000 Sometimes they almost trick me. 0.99

00:06:47.000 They're like, you missed your package, clip this link, and I order so much shit, and I'm like, oh no! 0.99

00:06:52.000 They almost get me sometimes. 0.99

00:06:53.000 Yeah, there's so many.

00:06:55.000 There's new ones.

00:06:55.000 I got an alert from American Express that says, your phone number was leaked on the dark web.

00:07:01.000 Oh no.

00:07:02.000 And I was like, that sounds really bad.

00:07:04.000 So I called them, and they were like, yeah, sometimes that happens.

00:07:06.000 If you get a lot of scam calls, you might have to change your number. 0.99

00:07:10.000 I'm like, who's leaking my number on the fuck? 0.99

00:07:13.000 I need to change my number. 0.99

00:07:14.000 My number's leaked right now. 0.99

00:07:16.000 Currently, and I just haven't because it's a pain in the ass. 0.94

00:07:19.000 Do you think we're ever going to get to a point where numbers are literally going to be like Instagram DMs? 0.97

00:07:26.000 Like everyone's just going to be able to get your number?

00:07:28.000 For me, it doesn't really make a difference, right?

00:07:30.000 Like if someone has your number versus having access to your DMs, no.

00:07:34.000 Can't you just block them?

00:07:36.000 Yeah, you definitely could block them, but then they could start a new account.

00:07:40.000 There's something about having my number that seems a little more threatening than someone just having my...

00:07:46.000 It definitely is, but what I'm saying is when you think about it, it's kind of the same.

00:07:50.000 Yeah, when you think about it, that's what's weird.

00:07:52.000 If you're responding and you have your announcements turned on, your notifications turned on, those little DMs are going to show up on your phone just like a text would.

00:08:03.000 Yeah.

00:08:03.000 Right.

00:08:04.000 Yeah.

00:08:05.000 So what are we doing?

00:08:06.000 They can't actually call you up, but they can.

00:08:10.000 A friend of mine called me through Instagram.

00:08:13.000 That's the scariest.

00:08:15.000 I go, what is this?

00:08:16.000 How are you doing this?

00:08:17.000 He's like, dude, you can call people from Instagram.

00:08:19.000 Dude, you know what I stopped doing?

00:08:20.000 I went live one time and Instagram had requests where people can join your live.

00:08:25.000 I'm like, this might be fun taking in calls.

00:08:27.000 Nightmare. 0.99

00:08:27.000 And I had like a thousand people and that shit and I answer it and this dude just started stripping as quick as he could. 0.99

00:08:34.000 On the live. 0.99

00:08:35.000 And I was screaming.

00:08:36.000 I didn't know what to do.

00:08:37.000 Everybody was like, leave it on!

00:08:39.000 Like, pressuring me to leave it on.

00:08:40.000 I didn't want to make it not entertaining.

00:08:43.000 It was a lot. 0.97

00:08:44.000 And that guy just was trying to jerk off as quick as he could on live. 0.99

00:08:48.000 And I was like, whoa! 0.98

00:08:49.000 That sounds Scary.

00:08:50.000 So yeah, there's a whole world.

00:08:51.000 They can get into your life via Instagram, too. 0.99

00:08:54.000 They'll find a way to show you their dicks. 1.00

00:08:56.000 Imagine being a dude that just sprints to jerk off the moment people are staring at them. 1.00

00:09:01.000 So horny. 1.00

00:09:02.000 It's my chance!

00:09:03.000 You know what? 1.00

00:09:03.000 If you're that horny, sprint to jerk off. 1.00

00:09:06.000 Do what you need to do to not shoot up a school. 1.00

00:09:07.000 I don't know what to tell you.

00:09:08.000 I don't think it's horny people shooting up those schools. 1.00

00:09:11.000 I think it is.

00:09:11.000 I think it's super depressed people.

00:09:13.000 But a little horny, too.

00:09:15.000 Why horny?

00:09:15.000 Because they're probably...

00:09:16.000 Because if you just came...

00:09:17.000 If you're having regular sex, you're less depressed.

00:09:19.000 If you just came, you're less likely...

00:09:21.000 Like, right after...

00:09:22.000 You post not clarity.

00:09:23.000 No one's gonna shoot up a school right after they just jizzed.

00:09:25.000 Think of the children.

00:09:26.000 Well, that's probably also part of the depression, is that they're not getting any affection.

00:09:31.000 Right.

00:09:32.000 You know?

00:09:33.000 Hug your local incel.

00:09:35.000 There's some broken humans out there.

00:09:37.000 There's just a lot of people that are lonely.

00:09:39.000 And they're medicated.

00:09:40.000 Well, yeah.

00:09:40.000 You know about broken people.

00:09:43.000 When you opened for Joey.

00:09:46.000 Yeah.

00:09:47.000 Do you know this story?

00:09:49.000 How I got my...

00:09:50.000 Blue check mark.

00:09:52.000 What happened?

00:09:53.000 You know how I got verified on Instagram?

00:09:55.000 How?

00:09:55.000 Okay.

00:09:56.000 I've been trying to get verified on Instagram for like 10 years. 1.00

00:09:59.000 You send in a stupid fucking thing and you send in the articles that you've been mentioned in and they would always ignore it. 0.99

00:10:06.000 And then last year in November... 1.00

00:10:09.000 It was October.

00:10:10.000 We opened for Joey at Sony Hall.

00:10:12.000 At Broadway.

00:10:13.000 Sold out show.

00:10:13.000 We were so excited.

00:10:15.000 I had the best set.

00:10:17.000 I just had one of the best sets of my life in this sold-out theater.

00:10:21.000 Everyone's like, whoa!

00:10:22.000 Literally standing ovation, right?

00:10:24.000 I get off stage.

00:10:25.000 I'm going to get my camera that's on a tripod in the back.

00:10:28.000 And during the chaos, people being like, great job!

00:10:32.000 You have to walk past people to walk out. 1.00

00:10:34.000 And some dude pokes my vagina. 1.00

00:10:38.000 Oh, yes. 1.00

00:10:40.000 I did hear about this.

00:10:40.000 Did you hear this story?

00:10:41.000 Yeah.

00:10:41.000 So he does that.

00:10:43.000 But then when I turn around to see who does it, He acts like he's blind and disabled. 1.00

00:10:48.000 So then immediately I'm like kind of just like my adrenaline's pumping just from the set itself and then that just happened and then I see that it's a blind person so I'm just like overwhelmed and then people are trying to like say hi and you know whatever after my set so I go to sit with Sarah and I go Sarah like some blind dude just like accidentally poked me in the vagina and she goes you got assaulted. 0.99

00:11:10.000 I'm like, what the fuck are you talking about? 1.00

00:11:12.000 A blind guy touched you in the pussy. 1.00

00:11:15.000 She brings me down to reality where I'm like, I have like a moment like That's So Raven where I go like, and I go like, I got touched. 1.00

00:11:22.000 And it turns into like a whole thing.

00:11:25.000 Oh God.

00:11:26.000 Because now I'm like kind of pissed that I even let it...

00:11:30.000 Is the blind guy walking around still? 0.93

00:11:32.000 This story gets crazier, Joe.

00:11:34.000 So now Joey's on stage.

00:11:35.000 So I'm like, I have an hour to find this guy.

00:11:36.000 He came for Joey.

00:11:37.000 There's people in headsets.

00:11:38.000 There's people at this theater sold out.

00:11:40.000 They're in suits and little, you know, the earpieces that they bring for the president.

00:11:44.000 They're doing that whole thing.

00:11:46.000 And I gave them a description.

00:11:48.000 I'm like, he looked blind.

00:11:49.000 I don't think he is.

00:11:53.000 Chances are he's not really blind. 0.99

00:11:55.000 And then I'm like, shit, I have my camera set up. 0.98

00:11:58.000 So I go and look and you only see the shadows. 0.98

00:12:00.000 It's like an SNL sketch.

00:12:03.000 The way you can only see certain shadows and him kind of bump into me and something happened and then he walks away and me looking around.

00:12:08.000 But it's just shadows.

00:12:09.000 So I'm like, he has this jaw.

00:12:11.000 So we're zooming in on the jaw and the staff is comparing the pictures on their phones to the people in the crowd.

00:12:18.000 It's so crazy.

00:12:18.000 Everyone's looking for this dude.

00:12:19.000 Then the server comes up and she goes, I have a guy in the back throwing up with his friend.

00:12:24.000 He's throwing up in a trash can.

00:12:26.000 I'm like, let me go look.

00:12:27.000 So I take a peek in the back and I'm like, that's him.

00:12:30.000 Immediately. 0.97

00:12:30.000 And you know what's fucked up? 0.97

00:12:32.000 Is that he looked a lot like this guy I know that works at Gas Digital for Lewis who's blind. 0.98

00:12:39.000 He looks like...

00:12:40.000 They call him Gay Blind Mike, Gas Digital. 0.98

00:12:42.000 And he looks a lot like him, so I thought I was being like gay racist. 0.97

00:12:46.000 You mean blind racist? 0.99

00:12:48.000 Blind... 0.96

00:12:48.000 Yeah. 0.96

00:12:49.000 Blind racist?

00:12:51.000 Where I was like, maybe all blind people look alike. 1.00

00:12:53.000 Oh my god.

00:12:54.000 And there's like...

00:12:58.000 So I was like, it's him.

00:13:00.000 So then they're like, we'll take care of it.

00:13:03.000 And they start escorting him out.

00:13:04.000 And I guess he gets away and runs out, right?

00:13:06.000 Before they can get his ID and his information.

00:13:08.000 Which annoys me.

00:13:09.000 But I'm going to let it go.

00:13:10.000 They're like, he got away.

00:13:12.000 Yeah, but wasn't he so drunk he was thrown up in a trash can and they can't catch him?

00:13:16.000 No, he like, I don't know how he got away.

00:13:18.000 I wasn't there to see it.

00:13:19.000 That's why I should have been there.

00:13:20.000 But then it gets crazier.

00:13:21.000 Okay, so then I'm like kind of pissed that he got away because I'm like, he just got away with that.

00:13:25.000 And then I'm like gaslighting myself.

00:13:27.000 Like, did he even do it on purpose?

00:13:28.000 He was so drunk.

00:13:29.000 And they go, well, we know it was him for sure.

00:13:31.000 And I go, how do you know it was him? 1.00

00:13:32.000 They go, oh, on his way out, he said, at least I got to touch Kim Congdon's pussy. 1.00

00:13:37.000 So then... 1.00

00:13:38.000 So then, I mean, this is like...

00:13:40.000 At this point, Joey's offstage.

00:13:42.000 I haven't even told him what happened.

00:13:43.000 I'm in the green room.

00:13:43.000 I'm drinking champagne.

00:13:45.000 There's a huge party in the green room.

00:13:47.000 And I just got told this, like, by the door.

00:13:49.000 And without saying anything to anyone, I just get up and I go outside.

00:13:54.000 I just beeline it for the exit.

00:13:56.000 And I'm like...

00:13:56.000 And security, I can hear them trying to keep up with me.

00:13:58.000 And I'm, like, kicking doors open. 0.98

00:14:00.000 I'm fucking pissed now. 0.99

00:14:02.000 Because now I'm like, he did it on fucking purpose. 0.99

00:14:04.000 And he's a fan and he knows my name. 0.99

00:14:06.000 And now it's a problem for me.

00:14:09.000 And then I don't even know if I should say the next part.

00:14:12.000 But I found him outside.

00:14:14.000 Should you not say this part?

00:14:15.000 I found him outside.

00:14:17.000 She found him outside.

00:14:19.000 I found him outside.

00:14:23.000 And then they were like, do you want to call the cops?

00:14:24.000 I was like, no.

00:14:26.000 She took care of it herself.

00:14:28.000 That's, yeah.

00:14:29.000 One thing about mom, is she gonna do it herself? 1.00

00:14:35.000 Yeah, like, no one would be mad at you for doing that.

00:14:38.000 No.

00:14:38.000 Especially, it's a guy.

00:14:40.000 You started with a bitch slip. 1.00

00:14:42.000 That's all I'll say. 1.00

00:14:44.000 Started with that?

00:14:45.000 Yeah.

00:14:48.000 How drunk was he? 1.00

00:14:49.000 Was he recognizing how bad he fucked up? 0.99

00:14:52.000 What was he thinking? 0.99

00:14:53.000 Well, he said that on his way out, so he was proud of it.

00:14:55.000 That's the thing that pissed me off.

00:14:57.000 I would have let it almost go.

00:14:58.000 Because I was like, he's drunk.

00:14:59.000 But the fact that he said that, he had nerves still.

00:15:02.000 You know what I mean? 1.00

00:15:02.000 He was sober enough to be a fucking dick. 1.00

00:15:04.000 So you're sober enough to get your ass kicked. 1.00

00:15:06.000 The whole night went different because I was like, my friend got touched. 1.00

00:15:09.000 We're getting Chinese food.

00:15:11.000 Also, it was horrible because when I kicked open the door, there was a bunch of fans outside because Joey just ended, so they're all waiting to say hi.

00:15:19.000 And I just had a great set.

00:15:20.000 Yeah, and I just had a great set, so they immediately remember my name, and I have all these fans.

00:15:24.000 They're going, Kim, and I say nothing past them.

00:15:26.000 All they see is me kick open the door, go past them.

00:15:30.000 I mean, absolutely, from the hip, like I'm throwing a hook.

00:15:35.000 Open hand, drop someone.

00:15:37.000 Dropped him with an open hand.

00:15:40.000 And then, yeah. 0.99

00:15:41.000 But then, there was a Variety article about it, and that's how this bitch got verified. 1.00

00:15:47.000 She used that article to get her checkmarked. 0.98

00:15:50.000 That was the checkmark.

00:15:51.000 That was how I got my verified checkmark.

00:15:52.000 She got a touch for a checkmark, Joe.

00:15:53.000 And honestly...

00:15:54.000 Worth it.

00:15:56.000 I was like, oh, that's all it took? 1.00

00:16:00.000 I wish a blind man would come touch my vagina. 1.00

00:16:04.000 Be careful what you wish for. 1.00

00:16:06.000 I was a little jealous.

00:16:06.000 Yeah, don't wish for that out loud.

00:16:08.000 She's joking, everyone.

00:16:10.000 If there's a blind man in there that's like, I've been waiting for my time. 1.00

00:16:13.000 That's a dude who gets his strategies from like a Scooby-Doo episode.

00:16:17.000 Just pretend you're blind. 1.00

00:16:19.000 Well, I'm a dumbass. 1.00

00:16:20.000 I fell for it. 1.00

00:16:21.000 I was like, oh, he was blind, that poor boy.

00:16:23.000 Did he have a cane?

00:16:24.000 Uh, no. 1.00

00:16:26.000 Who the fuck is blind and just walks out without a cane? 1.00

00:16:29.000 I didn't have time to think about it. 1.00

00:16:31.000 I don't think about the habits of the blind post-show.

00:16:34.000 Like, post-show, post-touch.

00:16:36.000 Right, post-touch.

00:16:37.000 A lot of chaos.

00:16:39.000 Afterward, we saw those LED balloons that light up.

00:16:43.000 The clear ones that Disney sells.

00:16:44.000 Sarah was trying to make me feel better in any way.

00:16:46.000 She's like, I'll get you Chinese. 1.00

00:16:47.000 Do you want an egg roll?

00:16:48.000 I'll buy it.

00:16:49.000 You got touched.

00:16:50.000 She kept saying that.

00:16:51.000 She kept saying, you got touched.

00:16:53.000 And everybody kept treating me.

00:16:54.000 When mommy gets touched, mama eats Chinese too.

00:16:57.000 Yeah.

00:16:58.000 And then she tried to buy me the balloon, and I was like, I don't want a balloon.

00:17:01.000 She's like, you love those balloons. 0.99

00:17:02.000 She remembered I mentioned them before.

00:17:04.000 She was like, you love those balloons.

00:17:05.000 I'll get that balloon for you.

00:17:06.000 You got touched.

00:17:07.000 So she literally... 0.95

00:17:07.000 I'm like, Sarah, no. 0.95

00:17:08.000 She's like, no, I'm getting it.

00:17:09.000 And she opens the door, and she goes to get the balloon, and they literally drive off as she's walking.

00:17:15.000 And she has to come back and tell me...

00:17:17.000 I'm like, sorry, you're not getting the balloon in.

00:17:18.000 You got touched.

00:17:20.000 And so now every time I see that balloon...

00:17:23.000 I know, and I was gonna get you one of them for your birthday.

00:17:25.000 I was like, no, I know she likes those balloons, but it's gonna remind her of getting touched.

00:17:30.000 Jesus.

00:17:30.000 But now we just bring it up every time we want to tell the story.

00:17:33.000 I got verified anyways.

00:17:36.000 That's the most hilarious way to get verified.

00:17:38.000 Right?

00:17:39.000 That's so crazy.

00:17:40.000 Yeah, it was really funny.

00:17:41.000 I was at the comedy store telling people that.

00:17:43.000 I'm like, so I got touched for a blue checkmark.

00:17:45.000 And then I was telling them how my mom was coming into town and how she's kind of crazy and a little wild.

00:17:49.000 You've met my mom before.

00:17:50.000 A little crazy.

00:17:52.000 And I made her dye her hair back because she dyed it blue. 1.00

00:17:57.000 Bright blue.

00:17:58.000 And I was like, don't come to LA with blue hair, please.

00:18:01.000 I was like, go back to blonde.

00:18:03.000 I was like, please.

00:18:04.000 Well, she was thinking about it and I encouraged it.

00:18:10.000 And then I was like, yeah, dye your hair back.

00:18:12.000 And then I was telling that story and I was like, I don't know.

00:18:14.000 My mom's just crazy and she likes to party. 1.00

00:18:16.000 I was like, I don't know what happened to her.

00:18:17.000 She has blue hair and someone goes, that's her blue checkmark. 1.00

00:18:21.000 I was like, oh, shit! 1.00

00:18:24.000 Oh, shit! 1.00

00:18:25.000 Isn't it weird that, like, Twitter, you pay for a checkmark, right? 1.00

00:18:29.000 Yeah.

00:18:31.000 And Instagram now.

00:18:33.000 Instagram, too?

00:18:34.000 So, does that mean...

00:18:36.000 But you can pretend to be...

00:18:37.000 Can you pretend to be somebody?

00:18:39.000 Not really.

00:18:40.000 Anyone can get a check mark.

00:18:43.000 It's kind of obvious when someone's pretending, though.

00:18:45.000 But a verification, what does it mean?

00:18:47.000 Nothing anymore.

00:18:48.000 So if you have just a regular account and you have a blue check mark, does it give you access to other things?

00:18:54.000 What's the point of it?

00:18:56.000 I think it's just, like, there's people that get blue checkmarks and then they try to, like, reach out to people who also have blue checkmarks to, like, collaborate.

00:19:04.000 You know what I mean?

00:19:06.000 And they're like, oh, I have a blue checkmark, so I'm really official now.

00:19:09.000 And it makes it, like, seem...

00:19:11.000 But you can tell because they have, like, 16 likes.

00:19:14.000 What used to make sense is if it was, if, like, the Sarah Weinshank...

00:19:19.000 Twitter account was verified because you're a person, a public person.

00:19:24.000 So that makes sense.

00:19:25.000 That should be verified.

00:19:26.000 Everybody knows this is her, so if there's a fake one, which there probably is a bunch of them, everybody knows the difference between the real one and the fake one.

00:19:33.000 The real one is the blue checkmark.

00:19:34.000 But if you could just buy a blue checkmark, what does that mean now?

00:19:37.000 It doesn't matter anymore.

00:19:37.000 Yeah.

00:19:38.000 No, I know.

00:19:39.000 They kind of lost value when you could buy one.

00:19:41.000 Everybody was saying that.

00:19:42.000 Especially for people like journalists or politicians, because if you can fake being them...

00:19:48.000 And just get traction on tweets. 1.00

00:19:51.000 I'm sure those Russian troll farms do shit like that. 1.00

00:19:54.000 I'm sure they do that. 1.00

00:19:56.000 I'm sure they make fake accounts.

00:19:57.000 I'm sure they do.

00:19:58.000 They have thousands.

00:20:00.000 Who knows how many they have? 0.63

00:20:01.000 They found that 19 of the top 20 Facebook Christian webpages were run by Russian troll farms.

00:20:09.000 19. Whoa.

00:20:10.000 That's so funny.

00:20:11.000 It's wild.

00:20:12.000 That is so weird.

00:20:12.000 They're just turning people on each other.

00:20:14.000 I love that.

00:20:15.000 That's so crazy.

00:20:17.000 Well, I'm waiting for the day that...

00:20:18.000 Riles up.

00:20:18.000 Repent.

00:20:20.000 Repent.

00:20:21.000 Repent.

00:20:22.000 I'm waiting for the day the internet, the solar flare happens.

00:20:24.000 We all go down.

00:20:26.000 That could happen.

00:20:27.000 That could happen.

00:20:28.000 That's very likely.

00:20:29.000 When?

00:20:30.000 Very soon, right?

00:20:31.000 It's very unpredictable how the sun works.

00:20:34.000 I mean, not how it works physically to understand it, but whether or not you get flares.

00:20:39.000 And some of these flares...

00:20:40.000 Have you ever seen what it looks like when you see a solar flare superimposed with a picture of Earth, like the size of Earth?

00:20:47.000 It's...

00:20:49.000 Wild how big these things are.

00:20:51.000 Really?

00:20:52.000 They're so huge. 1.00

00:20:54.000 The fucking sun is so gigantic. 1.00

00:20:57.000 It's not even a big sun. 1.00

00:20:58.000 It's so insane when you look at it in comparison to the rest of the solar system.

00:21:03.000 Is this tomorrow?

00:21:04.000 There's a solar flare tomorrow? 0.98

00:21:07.000 Goddammit, Jamie. 0.97

00:21:08.000 There's a solar flare tomorrow?

00:21:09.000 You know, I always said that I wanted the end of the world to happen when I'm near Joe Rogan.

00:21:15.000 Listen, we'll be okay.

00:21:19.000 Sweetie, I'll be banging on your gate or wherever you live. 1.00

00:21:22.000 Come on in.

00:21:23.000 I'll show you.

00:21:24.000 Just me and my mom.

00:21:26.000 Mom, her hair's not blue anymore!

00:21:27.000 Can your mom shoot? 1.00

00:21:30.000 I just went shooting. 0.99

00:21:31.000 You guys went shooting together. 0.81

00:21:33.000 She actually can shoot. 1.00

00:21:34.000 I can shoot, yeah. 0.50

00:21:35.000 You should have seen my little thing.

00:21:37.000 So listen to what it says.

00:21:38.000 It says NASA predicts radio and GPS blackout on November 30. That's two days from now?

00:21:45.000 It's one day.

00:21:45.000 One day?

00:21:46.000 Tomorrow.

00:21:47.000 Oh, great.

00:21:48.000 They're going to bring the aliens in tomorrow due to a coronal mass ejection.

00:21:53.000 Okay, now look at coronal mass ejection.

00:21:56.000 I'm scared.

00:21:57.000 Look what these things look like.

00:21:58.000 And this is on the NASA website?

00:22:01.000 And it's tomorrow?

00:22:02.000 Yeah.

00:22:04.000 So this pod's not coming out. 0.99

00:22:06.000 Look at this fucking thing that's hovering in space that keeps us alive. 0.99

00:22:13.000 It looks like a hot Cheeto. 0.99

00:22:15.000 Imagine that we need this thing to generate heat.

00:22:19.000 And if it doesn't generate heat, we're dead.

00:22:23.000 We rely on a nuclear power plant for the whole universe.

00:22:27.000 Yeah, but you know when you were talking about the guy that you have tattooed on you, the Five Rings guy?

00:22:31.000 The samurai.

00:22:33.000 When I look at the sun, I also think of my heart, where I'm like, I need it to pump every time to survive, where I'm like, it's all the same thing, where it's like one little adjustment almost anywhere.

00:22:43.000 Yeah.

00:22:43.000 Anywhere.

00:22:44.000 It's over.

00:22:45.000 Mmm.

00:22:45.000 Yeah.

00:22:46.000 That's fucked, dude. 1.00

00:22:47.000 That's fucked. 1.00

00:22:48.000 The balance between life and death with Earth. 1.00

00:22:51.000 Oh, God.

00:22:51.000 Like, all we have to do is just get a little further from the sun and we're fucksville.

00:22:56.000 And everything freezes. 0.99

00:22:58.000 That's so fucking crazy. 0.95

00:22:59.000 One little shift in gravity. 0.99

00:23:01.000 That's so scary.

00:23:02.000 Apparently, if our moon wasn't there, our moon is so large that it keeps our orbit and, you know, our...

00:23:20.000 Yeah, it's like a yin and yang.

00:23:26.000 Which is one of the reasons why some people are wondering why they're not seeing life on other planets.

00:23:30.000 You know, like, what is it about Earth?

00:23:32.000 And it seems one of the things about Earth is the stability that the moon gives us.

00:23:37.000 How is...

00:23:38.000 Find out what it does.

00:23:40.000 I was gonna ask if...

00:23:41.000 You remind me of this video I saw just recently.

00:23:43.000 Have you seen this before?

00:23:44.000 Fresh take on the origin of Earth's moon.

00:23:47.000 Oh, Jesus.

00:23:47.000 That's a jellyfish.

00:23:49.000 This is like when the Big Bang happened.

00:23:51.000 So this is Earth, this glowing ball moving.

00:23:54.000 Right.

00:23:55.000 Okay, cool.

00:23:55.000 And something went by it and hit it.

00:23:57.000 Yeah.

00:23:58.000 And that created the moon.

00:23:59.000 And that's what's still like.

00:24:00.000 These are giant.

00:24:01.000 Well, that's Earth 1 and Earth 2. That's what the...

00:24:05.000 Look, it just reabsorbed.

00:24:05.000 Yeah.

00:24:06.000 And this is going to be the moon here.

00:24:08.000 But like that happened over, you know, thousands and thousands and thousands of years.

00:24:12.000 Yeah.

00:24:12.000 Yeah, that's what they think.

00:24:14.000 The moon's for sure a woman. 1.00

00:24:15.000 We've talked about it before.

00:24:17.000 Look at that.

00:24:17.000 That's what happened.

00:24:19.000 Two planets collided, kids.

00:24:21.000 It's kind of sexual. 1.00

00:24:22.000 Holy shit is it sexual because it created everything. 1.00

00:24:25.000 They smashed. 1.00

00:24:26.000 And it's the same thing as other things.

00:24:29.000 Everything's the same.

00:24:30.000 Not to be so high about it.

00:24:32.000 What do you mean?

00:24:32.000 It's the same thing as everything else.

00:24:34.000 It literally is sexual.

00:24:36.000 It's like having two people come together and have a child.

00:24:39.000 It's trippy.

00:24:40.000 All of those solar nurseries, have you seen those?

00:24:44.000 The stellar nurseries there's just the wildest formations of galaxies where these galaxies are coming out of this This stellar nursery. 0.97

00:24:56.000 It's fucking nuts when you see them.

00:24:58.000 Have you seen the video where they go to Earth and then they pull out and just show you where you are? 0.99

00:25:02.000 Oh, it's sick.

00:25:03.000 This is a stellar nursery visualization.

00:25:06.000 What?

00:25:07.000 Yeah.

00:25:08.000 This is something that exists 6,500 light years away.

00:25:12.000 That is so cool looking. 0.98

00:25:14.000 Fucking wild. 0.98

00:25:16.000 I want to go there. 0.99

00:25:18.000 That looks like a wizard in a hat holding something up.

00:25:21.000 It does.

00:25:21.000 It really does.

00:25:22.000 I mean, how fucking insane is this? 0.98

00:25:24.000 This is nuts. 0.99

00:25:26.000 What is that even?

00:25:27.000 I don't understand it.

00:25:28.000 Whatever this visualization is, I would love to see what perspective we're looking at.

00:25:32.000 How big is this?

00:25:33.000 How big is it?

00:25:34.000 Is it a physical thing you can land on? 0.99

00:25:37.000 I don't know what the fuck it is. 0.98

00:25:38.000 It makes me feel more spiritual. 0.99

00:25:40.000 It looks like a waterfall.

00:25:42.000 It looks like some Avatar shit. 0.99

00:25:44.000 It does. 0.99

00:25:44.000 It really does. 0.99

00:25:45.000 It's beautiful.

00:25:46.000 This is like what the mother would...

00:25:48.000 Give through the tree.

00:25:54.000 Wind from stars? 1.00

00:25:59.000 Holy shit. 0.99

00:26:01.000 The gas that makes up the pillars becomes transparent, revealing clusters of embryonic stars. 0.99

00:26:07.000 It's gas.

00:26:09.000 I like the narration.

00:26:10.000 Our eyes couldn't see that without this data. 0.98

00:26:13.000 When you see shit like this, it makes me feel like there has to be a god. 0.98

00:26:21.000 No, but this is my question. 0.99

00:26:23.000 I think the universe is gods.

00:26:24.000 I do too.

00:26:25.000 Can I ask you a serious question?

00:26:27.000 If you have to. 0.99

00:26:27.000 And it might be really dumb. 0.99

00:26:29.000 It might be really dumb. 0.99

00:26:31.000 How did they get that footage? 0.97

00:26:33.000 It's not real footage.

00:26:34.000 So how do we know?

00:26:35.000 Well, because they use various imaging tools to get an understanding of what's out there.

00:26:42.000 And the greatest one they're using right now is the web.

00:26:45.000 They've got this new telescope that is getting these insane shots of deep space and A lot of it is computer-generated.

00:26:55.000 So a lot of what you see when you see these images is computer-generated.

00:26:59.000 But there's some real images, they're not as impressive.

00:27:02.000 It's kind of different.

00:27:03.000 So this computer-generated stuff, when they're showing you, like, the stellar nursery, like, that's...

00:27:08.000 I don't believe that's what it really looks like.

00:27:11.000 With infrared light.

00:27:13.000 But how detailed are their infrareds?

00:27:17.000 How much are they guessing?

00:27:19.000 Because I know they add color to these things.

00:27:21.000 They do a lot of stuff.

00:27:23.000 So it's computer generated to a certain extent. 0.98

00:27:26.000 But either way, it's fucking, just what they're discovering is just wild. 0.99

00:27:31.000 It's beautiful. 0.98

00:27:32.000 The nuttiest speculation that Brian Keating hates, but some people are speculating that the universe is a lot older than they thought it was.

00:27:38.000 And they think that the Big Bang, instead of 13.7 billion years, was somewhere around like 22 or 24 billion years ago.

00:27:45.000 It seemed a little close for me, sweetie.

00:27:48.000 It's something about the creation of galaxies.

00:27:52.000 That galaxies are created too far away.

00:27:55.000 Because the further they can look.

00:27:56.000 Something like that.

00:27:57.000 I'm good.

00:27:58.000 There's some wacky show.

00:28:00.000 But the point is, there's so much that they don't know already.

00:28:03.000 There's so many planets.

00:28:05.000 No idea what's out there.

00:28:08.000 Isn't there one that's just like Earth is called...

00:28:10.000 I don't know what it's called.

00:28:12.000 I do not know.

00:28:13.000 I think they've found a few that are in the Goldilocks zone.

00:28:16.000 Ooh, the Goldilocks! 0.52

00:28:17.000 Yeah.

00:28:18.000 That's, you know, not too hot, not too cold.

00:28:21.000 Just right!

00:28:21.000 This one is just right.

00:28:22.000 That's where Earth is, too.

00:28:23.000 Yeah.

00:28:24.000 Yep.

00:28:24.000 That's exactly it.

00:28:25.000 Yeah.

00:28:26.000 Earth is in the Goldilocks now.

00:28:27.000 It's crazy.

00:28:28.000 It's crazy.

00:28:28.000 We're so lucky.

00:28:29.000 We're super lucky, but we're also not lucky because we're in the middle of a comet storm.

00:28:35.000 Every September and—no, June and November, we pass through these comet storms.

00:28:41.000 Here's a for instance of a— Whoa.

00:28:43.000 A website on how to get this.

00:28:45.000 I guess we could download this data from the web telescope and process these images ourself.

00:28:49.000 Whoa.

00:28:50.000 So this is what it looks like, I guess, when you first get some of the first pictures.

00:28:53.000 That's beautiful, too.

00:28:55.000 Process it in black and white.

00:28:56.000 And then he took that and made it into this.

00:28:57.000 See, I kind of would rather just look at the other one.

00:29:01.000 You know?

00:29:02.000 Yeah, the other one was sick.

00:29:03.000 Because this is real.

00:29:04.000 Yeah.

00:29:07.000 This is what you can really show me.

00:29:08.000 Put a filter on it.

00:29:09.000 Don't do the Samsung thing.

00:29:11.000 You know what Samsung did with the moon view? 0.99

00:29:13.000 Oh, I was such a sucker.

00:29:15.000 I was showing everybody, look, I had to take a picture of the moon, bro. 0.86

00:29:18.000 Because you know when you take a photo with your iPhone and you're like, it doesn't do it justice? 0.98

00:29:23.000 Samsung did some shit where it enhances it, right? 0.99

00:29:25.000 Yeah, it's called lying. 1.00

00:29:27.000 Yeah, it didn't.

00:29:28.000 They'd be filtering the moon, Samsung.

00:29:30.000 I should say, they have amazing cameras.

00:29:32.000 Those Samsung phones have wicked cameras.

00:29:34.000 They really do.

00:29:35.000 And they're all battling with each other for who has the best camera, whether it's iPhone or... 0.99

00:29:40.000 I like the iPhone operating system better, but Samsung has some wicked fucking cameras. 0.99

00:29:44.000 So, anyway... 0.99

00:29:46.000 What it actually does is it just knows what the moon looks like. 0.99

00:29:50.000 And it puts a fucking detailed photo of the moon over whatever blurry shit you have. 0.98

00:29:55.000 And these kids found it out because this dude set up a picture of a blurry picture of the moon on a screen, a monitor, and then backed up and filmed it. 0.99

00:30:09.000 And it gave him a perfectly detailed photo of the moon.

00:30:12.000 Oh, wow.

00:30:13.000 Wow.

00:30:13.000 They play dirty.

00:30:15.000 Wow.

00:30:16.000 They play super dirty.

00:30:18.000 What a smart kid. 0.99

00:30:20.000 I know, but I was such a sucker. 0.63

00:30:21.000 I was like, dude, Samsung phones, look. 1.00

00:30:24.000 Fucking bitch-ass iPhone. 1.00

00:30:27.000 Look at this thing. 1.00

00:30:28.000 You can't do this.

00:30:28.000 I wish the iPhone had that too, kind of.

00:30:30.000 Yeah, lie to me.

00:30:31.000 You know what?

00:30:32.000 Everybody lie to me.

00:30:34.000 I want a picture of the moon.

00:30:35.000 I want a sexier picture of the moon.

00:30:36.000 Lie to me, Apple.

00:30:36.000 I took this picture.

00:30:39.000 Total bullshit. 1.00

00:30:40.000 Computer generated nonsense. 1.00

00:30:43.000 Yeah.

00:30:44.000 Yeah.

00:30:45.000 It's weird.

00:30:45.000 The whole filters thing is weird.

00:30:47.000 When people use filters for videos and you're like, hey man, I know you don't look like that.

00:30:52.000 Yeah.

00:30:52.000 Like, this is crazy.

00:30:54.000 Hell yeah.

00:30:54.000 Like, what are you doing?

00:30:55.000 Are you animated now?

00:30:56.000 Yeah.

00:30:56.000 You know what's really dark?

00:30:58.000 Remember that Wish.com thing?

00:31:00.000 What's Wish.com?

00:31:01.000 We were at Skankfest.

00:31:04.000 We had a filter picture that we put filters on and we posted.

00:31:07.000 And then someone posted a real video of us and said, Kim Congdon on Wish.

00:31:13.000 Kim and Sarah, that you ordered the Kim Congdon from Wish or whatever.

00:31:19.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:31:19.000 I was like, us without a filter.

00:31:22.000 So that's where it'll get you.

00:31:23.000 If you start using filters, then you can't really...

00:31:25.000 It actually makes you look worse in real life.

00:31:28.000 And it's making everyone look worse.

00:31:30.000 Inside our lifetime, they're gonna reverse aging.

00:31:33.000 Hell yeah! 0.95

00:31:34.000 Inside our lifetime.

00:31:35.000 Inside our lifetime.

00:31:35.000 I've actually always believed that, so I really like to hear you say that I've been terrified of death my whole life, and I've just convinced myself to feel better that by the time I'm that old, I can go back.

00:31:46.000 I think they're working really hard on it, and they're coming very close.

00:31:50.000 And I think there's going to be some improvements in whether it's pharmaceutical drugs or medical technology.

00:31:58.000 They're going to figure something out.

00:32:00.000 Because it's a simulation, and we don't actually ever end.

00:32:03.000 That's what Bert Kreischer says.

00:32:05.000 He goes, I don't believe you die!

00:32:07.000 Prove it!

00:32:08.000 Yeah, that's a thing comics have.

00:32:10.000 I don't think you have to die!

00:32:13.000 No, I've read into that. 0.99

00:32:15.000 That's a mental illness that comics have. 0.56

00:32:16.000 I have that too.

00:32:17.000 I'm like, I'll never die.

00:32:18.000 It's like you are in such denial.

00:32:20.000 I've accepted it.

00:32:21.000 No, I'm like...

00:32:22.000 Death?

00:32:23.000 Yeah.

00:32:24.000 I feel like if you think of the fact that you're going to die, it makes you live every day differently.

00:32:29.000 No.

00:32:30.000 That's how I feel.

00:32:32.000 Well, it definitely will if you feel that way. 0.99

00:32:35.000 Yeah, I think about it all the time, and instead of fearing it, I'm like, okay, well, fuck it, I'm having the burrito. 0.98

00:32:42.000 You know what I mean? 0.99

00:32:43.000 It's always Chinese food or burritos.

00:32:45.000 Sometimes you gotta self-care as a burrito.

00:32:48.000 Yeah, um...

00:32:50.000 If you live your life with the gratitude that you're alive, you'll do better.

00:32:54.000 That I do.

00:32:55.000 For whatever reason.

00:32:55.000 If it's because you realize you're going to die or it's because you're just happy to be alive.

00:32:59.000 I'm genuinely grateful.

00:33:00.000 I'm like, we're very lucky.

00:33:02.000 We're all very lucky.

00:33:03.000 Me and my friends are all lucky.

00:33:04.000 We get to hang out with the funniest people in the world.

00:33:06.000 We do the best.

00:33:06.000 We were all talking about it last night, the green room.

00:33:08.000 Like, what a fun hang it is.

00:33:10.000 It's the best.

00:33:11.000 We're so lucky.

00:33:12.000 We're really lucky.

00:33:13.000 We really are.

00:33:14.000 We had so much fun last night. 0.92

00:33:15.000 It was so silly. 0.66

00:33:16.000 So much fun. 0.99

00:33:17.000 It's so silly. 0.95

00:33:18.000 It's the best hang. 0.83

00:33:19.000 When I'm around comedians, if I'm not around comedians, I get homesick for them.

00:33:23.000 That's what Stan Hope said.

00:33:24.000 He goes, I could quit comedy, but I couldn't quit comedians.

00:33:27.000 Yeah.

00:33:29.000 It's really about the comics, The Hang for me.

00:33:31.000 The Hang is the most fun.

00:33:32.000 The Hang's why I got into it, I gotta tell you.

00:33:34.000 The Hang was it.

00:33:36.000 It's the clubhouse.

00:33:36.000 Ron White always says it.

00:33:38.000 He says, we got our own clubhouse.

00:33:42.000 Comics Clubhouse.

00:33:42.000 That's what he's saying when I'm knocking on the door.

00:33:44.000 Can I come in?

00:33:45.000 He's like, no.

00:33:47.000 It's set up in there too with the timers and the screens.

00:33:50.000 It's so perfect.

00:33:52.000 You don't have to worry about even like, you've taken every single worry about a comedy club away too.

00:33:57.000 When I'm at clubs, I can't even relax in the green room because I'm running out asking the host, how long do they have?

00:34:02.000 When do I have to go up? 0.99

00:34:03.000 You just sit there, you see the timer, you see them on stage, you see the fucking clock. 0.99

00:34:07.000 There's lights everywhere. 0.99

00:34:08.000 There's lights everywhere.

00:34:09.000 It's right there.

00:34:10.000 There's a light in the hallway.

00:34:12.000 There's a light right above the stage in the back.

00:34:14.000 That's great.

00:34:15.000 I have a question.

00:34:16.000 Okay.

00:34:16.000 Do you believe in reincarnation?

00:34:19.000 I don't not believe in it.

00:34:20.000 Do you think you were something else in a past life?

00:34:23.000 I don't know.

00:34:24.000 Sometimes I think I was a 1950s housewife in a past life.

00:34:27.000 Like, I'm overly connected to that time period, and I'm like, was I a 1950s housewife?

00:34:32.000 She comes when she gets hit.

00:34:34.000 Is this from dreams?

00:34:34.000 Yeah.

00:34:35.000 Dreams?

00:34:36.000 Like, what?

00:34:37.000 Do you ever have repeating dreams?

00:34:40.000 Yeah.

00:34:41.000 Oh my gosh!

00:34:42.000 I had to see a doctor because I had the same dream for five years.

00:34:44.000 What is it?

00:34:45.000 I was at this beach.

00:34:47.000 It was my college town.

00:34:48.000 I was at this beach and I would be in a haunted hotel.

00:34:50.000 I would have to stay at this haunted place that I was moving into.

00:34:53.000 But the beach was beautiful.

00:34:55.000 It was like a paradise.

00:34:56.000 But every night I was scared.

00:34:58.000 Remember we found out I was also having the same dream?

00:35:00.000 Yeah.

00:35:01.000 We were going to the same places in our dreams.

00:35:03.000 But I also saw on TikTok that a lot of people were going to the same dream that I was going to.

00:35:07.000 What?

00:35:08.000 Yeah, they were describing the same pier I was at and like everything.

00:35:12.000 Wait a minute, is this after you put yours up?

00:35:14.000 This is after I... This is Russian disinformation.

00:35:16.000 That's how they're trying to break us down.

00:35:18.000 No, this is something I hadn't even talked about publicly for a while until I found that TikTok of a bunch of people saying, I've been here too, and then describing it.

00:35:27.000 And even down to people saying like, oh my, someone even like, and then you can see how many people agree by all the likes.

00:35:34.000 There was one that had like a lot of likes and said, oh, I go to the beach every night too, the same exact beach, except I have to stay in a haunted condo.

00:35:41.000 One, two, Freddy's coming for you.

00:35:45.000 Imagine if Freddy Cougar's real.

00:35:47.000 Stop, because I've had that dream too.

00:35:49.000 But imagine if it just starts happening.

00:35:51.000 Imagine if we've done so much bad to the earth that we've really opened up Satan and demons get you in your dreams.

00:35:59.000 I hope not.

00:36:01.000 Okay, stop.

00:36:02.000 Because I'm really scared.

00:36:07.000 This is worse than the solar flares.

00:36:08.000 You can't go to sleep, but you're always tired.

00:36:11.000 If you go to sleep, Freddy's waiting for you.

00:36:13.000 The music.

00:36:15.000 I don't like it.

00:36:16.000 Imagine if everybody really starts going to the same place in their dreams, and then some people start dying.

00:36:22.000 I don't like it.

00:36:23.000 Some people start dying.

00:36:24.000 I mean, at first they blame it on the vaccine, of course.

00:36:26.000 Yeah.

00:36:27.000 But then they start realizing, no, these people are all dying of internal hemorrhaging that we can't really discern where it's coming from while they're sleeping.

00:36:36.000 Is this a new disease?

00:36:38.000 What's happening?

00:36:38.000 No, no, no, no.

00:36:39.000 They're getting eviscerated by demons.

00:36:41.000 I don't want to be eviscerated by demons at night.

00:36:44.000 You're getting eviscerated by demons in your sleep.

00:36:46.000 And then you wake up.

00:36:46.000 You know it's a dream.

00:36:47.000 You know if you wake up, you can get away.

00:36:49.000 I don't know what that cross joint did to you. 1.00

00:36:52.000 You're always going to want to go back to sleep, though.

00:36:54.000 Dude, stop.

00:36:56.000 You're scaring us.

00:36:57.000 And every time you go back to sleep, they're just ready and running at you, and you're tired.

00:37:01.000 You're tired because you're sleeping.

00:37:02.000 You're always tired.

00:37:03.000 So you're breathing heavy.

00:37:04.000 You're breathing too heavy.

00:37:05.000 You're like, God, why am I so tired so quick?

00:37:08.000 I gotta run faster.

00:37:09.000 What if you just started making horror films?

00:37:12.000 And the demons, they know exactly how fast you can run.

00:37:15.000 Look, he won't give up.

00:37:15.000 He won't.

00:37:15.000 So they just run just at your heels.

00:37:18.000 I don't like demons nipping at my heels.

00:37:20.000 I feel like I'm being demon hypnotized.

00:37:22.000 And they're laughing because they know you're scared.

00:37:24.000 They love it when you're scared.

00:37:26.000 That's what they want.

00:37:27.000 They want you to be scared.

00:37:28.000 So they're laughing.

00:37:29.000 They're laughing right behind you because they know you can't get away, but they're just running just fast.

00:37:33.000 They're not even worried.

00:37:35.000 Not worried at all. 0.98

00:37:36.000 They're demons.

00:37:37.000 They're holding little pitchforks. 0.64

00:37:38.000 And they're laughing.

00:37:40.000 And as they're laughing, you're getting more scared because you know you can't run much longer. 1.00

00:37:43.000 Do you think it'd be fun to have sex with a demon? 1.00

00:37:45.000 No, Sarah! 1.00

00:37:45.000 For the first few seconds. 1.00

00:37:46.000 I do too! 1.00

00:37:47.000 You're like, fuck you, mom. 1.00

00:37:51.000 Show me that pitchfork. 1.00

00:37:56.000 That's exactly how it feels.

00:37:57.000 Are you proud to be dad?

00:37:58.000 Yeah.

00:37:59.000 This is for everything you've done for me, mascara runs down.

00:38:02.000 No.

00:38:05.000 And then you feel the scales.

00:38:07.000 I have a reoccurring nightmare that I'm back in college and I have a calculus test.

00:38:17.000 Yeah, I'm scared I'm not going to graduate.

00:38:20.000 Yes, it's reoccurring all the time.

00:38:22.000 I used to have dreams that I failed one of my exams and I had to go back to high school.

00:38:26.000 Yes, I have that often, like reoccurring.

00:38:30.000 And also my teeth fall out.

00:38:32.000 I had one of those one time.

00:38:34.000 I touch one and then they go like dominoes and they all fall out.

00:38:37.000 I'm like, no!

00:38:38.000 There's supposed to be some connection with that.

00:38:40.000 They say you feel like you don't have control of your life.

00:38:44.000 Yeah, that seems about right.

00:38:48.000 You nailed it, Joe!

00:38:50.000 I mean, who does?

00:38:51.000 I'm really perceptive, guys.

00:38:53.000 I don't know if I've told you that.

00:38:56.000 Yeah, no. 0.98

00:38:57.000 Fucked up dreams.

00:38:58.000 You know, I had a friend pass away like seven years ago. 0.88

00:39:02.000 And this is really, this is scary.

00:39:04.000 Not scary.

00:39:05.000 It's pretty trippy, but very true.

00:39:06.000 I was dating someone at this time and he was staying with me.

00:39:09.000 And I had, I never had night terrors where I woke up out of my sleep ever in my entire life.

00:39:14.000 And I had one one night where I woke up and I, cause I had a dream that someone came in my room while I was watching TV at night in my bed and they were wearing a hoodie.

00:39:22.000 I couldn't see their face and their face was like blacked out.

00:39:24.000 And they sat next to me in bed and then pulled out a gun and shot themselves in the head and died next to me.

00:39:30.000 And I could tell it was someone I cared about because they wasn't scared when they were sitting next to me.

00:39:35.000 It felt like a friend.

00:39:36.000 And I said, like, why did you do that in my dream?

00:39:39.000 And the person said, I'm sorry, I'm dying.

00:39:41.000 And then three hours later, I got a call that my best friend died.

00:39:45.000 And that was the dream I had that night.

00:39:46.000 And it was the only dream that's ever woken me up out of my sleep.

00:39:49.000 Where I was, like, so terrified I woke up.

00:39:51.000 Kim is a little intuitive.

00:39:55.000 It was really weird. 0.98

00:39:56.000 Well, Kim's a little nutty. 1.00

00:39:57.000 She is. 0.98

00:39:58.000 And most nutty people, they can sense some things.

00:40:02.000 Like, you ever wonder, like, schizophrenics when they're running around talking to themselves.

00:40:05.000 Are you saying I'm schizophrenic?

00:40:07.000 No, no, no, I'm not.

00:40:07.000 I'm not.

00:40:08.000 But have you ever wondered?

00:40:09.000 Maybe someone's talking back to them.

00:40:11.000 I think that all the time because sometimes I hear them say things that make sense.

00:40:16.000 When Brody died, I went into an actual psychosis.

00:40:22.000 I was taking Adderall for a lot of years and then I stopped taking it suddenly because I wanted to sleep and I was so sad that he had died.

00:40:30.000 I abruptly stopped taking Adderall and it put me in like this...

00:40:35.000 Wild psychosis and now I talk about it all the time because it's so it's so mass like Prescribed it's insane.

00:40:43.000 Well, it's an amphetamine.

00:40:45.000 Yeah, it's meth.

00:40:46.000 Well, it's it's better Yeah, if you're gonna take one I take Adderall.

00:40:50.000 It's better.

00:40:51.000 They have it dialed in You know exactly what you're gonna get right the dosage right isn't it fascinating that it's okay to take that I mean they say you need it for ADD It made me...

00:41:03.000 You say you need it.

00:41:04.000 It really like...

00:41:05.000 Because I got...

00:41:06.000 I started taking it in college, right?

00:41:08.000 Because I was like, I got to do this paper, you know?

00:41:10.000 Because as a society, we put so much...

00:41:12.000 We put a spotlight on productivity.

00:41:14.000 It's like, how productive are you being?

00:41:17.000 And not really on well-being.

00:41:19.000 And because of that, I got really addicted to it.

00:41:21.000 And then when I started stand-up, I was like a personal assistant during the day.

00:41:25.000 So I'd be like on Excel sheets all day.

00:41:27.000 And then going to do stand-up.

00:41:30.000 And so just like awake and awake and awake for like 10 years.

00:41:33.000 And then I'm like, it's really nice to sleep.

00:41:35.000 Not being on Adderall, I'm like, it's so nice sleeping.

00:41:38.000 Were you able to sleep when you were on Adderall?

00:41:40.000 No.

00:41:40.000 So how many hours a night do you think you slept?

00:41:44.000 Probably like four.

00:41:46.000 Whoa.

00:41:47.000 And they weren't real, it wasn't even real sleep. 0.99

00:41:49.000 Damn. 0.99

00:41:50.000 Because then you get like a tolerance to it, right? 1.00

00:41:52.000 And the company that fucking, listen to this, this shit's crazy. 0.99

00:41:57.000 The company that, okay, to get Adderall, there was this place, I went on Yelp and typed in Adderall, this place comes up. 1.00

00:42:06.000 Jesus.

00:42:06.000 I'm not joking, this place comes up, the doctor who prescribed it to me is now in jail because he was prescribing stuff to people like willy-nilly.

00:42:16.000 Yeah, that's real common.

00:42:17.000 It's really scary.

00:42:19.000 Well, a lot of these doctors are also taking these things, which is interesting.

00:42:23.000 Because if you're a doctor and you know that these things work and you decide that you have ADD or whatever and you go to your other doctor friend and he writes a prescription for you...

00:42:34.000 Right.

00:42:35.000 And now you're taking Adderall, and you need it.

00:42:38.000 Because you need it.

00:42:39.000 Like, a lot of people just think they need it.

00:42:41.000 Because it is probably great.

00:42:44.000 Like, I haven't done it.

00:42:45.000 I'm scared.

00:42:45.000 I'm scared I'd like it.

00:42:47.000 Oh, no, you'd like it.

00:42:48.000 That's the problem.

00:42:49.000 I like the trauma tapping you did.

00:42:50.000 This is how it...

00:42:51.000 No, no, no, yeah.

00:42:51.000 Did you see that?

00:42:52.000 Because, you know why?

00:42:54.000 It reminds me...

00:42:54.000 It's like having flashbacks.

00:42:55.000 Yeah, it was.

00:42:56.000 It was an Adderall flashback.

00:42:57.000 I'm like, I'm typing on a computer.

00:42:58.000 Yeah, that's what it reminded me of.

00:43:00.000 But, yeah, when you went through that, that was like... 0.99

00:43:05.000 Fucking crazy. 0.97

00:43:06.000 It was so scary. 1.00

00:43:07.000 It was crazy.

00:43:08.000 It was really scary.

00:43:08.000 I called the cops on her.

00:43:10.000 My parents did, too.

00:43:12.000 Look, it's hard.

00:43:14.000 People get hooked on pills.

00:43:16.000 There's a lot of pills that can get you hooked.

00:43:18.000 I'm grateful every day to not be on it.

00:43:21.000 Brandon Shaw broke his nose in a fight.

00:43:24.000 We fought Mirko Krokop and he got his nose smashed.

00:43:27.000 And he had to get his nose fixed.

00:43:29.000 And they put him on oxys.

00:43:31.000 And so he took the oxys, got the surgery.

00:43:35.000 His nose was destroyed.

00:43:38.000 Takes the oxys and then just keeps taking them. 0.99

00:43:44.000 Long after the healing process, he's fucking taking them all day long. 0.96

00:43:48.000 And finally his friends just came over to his house and took everything away. 0.98

00:43:52.000 Hey dude, you gotta stop.

00:43:55.000 But it was hard. 0.98

00:43:56.000 He said it was fucking hard. 0.99

00:43:58.000 It was really hard to get off of Adderall, too. 0.97

00:44:00.000 And then now, I have some friends who are still on it, and there's a shortage of it.

00:44:05.000 And there's people that are hooked on it, and there's a shortage of it nationwide. 0.99

00:44:10.000 And it's really fucking people's shit up, because they've been taking it for so long. 0.99

00:44:14.000 Right, and then the problem is, then they go for street Adderall, which is cut with fentanyl. 0.99

00:44:19.000 Well, also, a lot of people get on Adderall because they want to lose weight because it makes you skinny.

00:44:23.000 Makes you not hungry. 1.00

00:44:24.000 No, it's so fucked up. 0.99

00:44:25.000 That was one of the benefits for me, too. 1.00

00:44:27.000 I was like, I'm skinny and I'm a perfectionist.

00:44:30.000 It's so easy for women to get addicted because you're just losing weight and being productive. 1.00

00:44:36.000 You're like, I can do it all!

00:44:38.000 Exactly what you're supposed to be doing.

00:44:39.000 You're like, I baked a pie and also called my grandmother to say hello.

00:44:42.000 And the house is clean and I'm a stand-up comedian.

00:44:45.000 And my My hair is done.

00:44:46.000 I'm telling you right now, I don't remember who said this, but it was a famous woman.

00:44:50.000 She said, if my apartment's clean, my work's not doing well.

00:44:56.000 It's like, for me, it really is one or the other.

00:44:58.000 If my place is clean, I haven't had a set in a couple days.

00:45:01.000 You know what I mean?

00:45:02.000 I've been at home. 1.00

00:45:03.000 If I'm doing well, my shit is... 0.99

00:45:06.000 I have boxes in my house that are just half opened. 0.99

00:45:08.000 I got bags of stuff.

00:45:09.000 I'm like, I don't know what that is.

00:45:11.000 I haven't packed from the last trip before the next trip.

00:45:14.000 That's really interesting.

00:45:16.000 It's really interesting she said that.

00:45:17.000 I think creative people would probably agree with that.

00:45:20.000 Especially when you get on a, like if you're on something, like you're working on something and you're like really into it. 0.91

00:45:26.000 I don't give a fuck what's going on around me. 0.97

00:45:28.000 I'm just focused on what I'm doing. 1.00

00:45:30.000 I got empty cans and shit. 0.99

00:45:32.000 Cigars. 1.00

00:45:32.000 We just wrote a movie together and that whole time my apartment was fucked up. 1.00

00:45:37.000 Same. 0.99

00:45:38.000 It was embarrassing.

00:45:40.000 Us writing?

00:45:41.000 Yeah.

00:45:43.000 I gotta tell you, being a creative is embarrassing.

00:45:45.000 Being a creative?

00:45:47.000 It's embarrassing.

00:45:48.000 It is.

00:45:49.000 We were meeting at coffee shops in between our house to write.

00:45:55.000 And I'm like a loud writer.

00:45:57.000 I'm quiet.

00:45:57.000 I'm like, I don't want anyone to know what I'm doing.

00:45:59.000 I would rather people not know I'm writing a script.

00:46:01.000 And Sarah's like, what if we say throbbing instead of pulsating?

00:46:05.000 And I'm like, exterior day!

00:46:08.000 Did you write that?

00:46:09.000 I'm like, shh! 1.00

00:46:11.000 I like get embarrassed and Sarah doesn't get a fuck. 0.99

00:46:14.000 I don't get embarrassed. 1.00

00:46:14.000 I think you cooked that part of your brain off with Adderall. 1.00

00:46:17.000 Hell yeah. 0.99

00:46:18.000 Just fried it. 1.00

00:46:19.000 That embarrassment gene is just fucking... 0.99

00:46:22.000 I'm like... 0.99

00:46:24.000 I don't get humiliated like that.

00:46:26.000 It got redlined too long.

00:46:27.000 Well, because if I hear people...

00:46:29.000 Go! 0.95

00:46:30.000 Well, it's also a me thing, because if I hear people writing a script out loud, I'm like, okay.

00:46:36.000 Right.

00:46:37.000 That's the thing.

00:46:37.000 So I know people are doing that.

00:46:39.000 How many of those people are dreamers?

00:46:40.000 That's what I mean.

00:46:41.000 And people don't realize that I'm not.

00:46:44.000 So they don't know, and they think I am, even though I shouldn't care. 0.99

00:46:47.000 I'm like, I don't give a fuck what these people think. 0.99

00:46:48.000 All right, exterior day. 0.99

00:46:50.000 We're in the attic.

00:46:51.000 Did you write that?

00:46:51.000 I'm like, shh.

00:46:52.000 You know, I talked to this guy, Mark Greeney.

00:46:54.000 He's the guy who wrote that book, The Gray Man, and they did that.

00:46:58.000 Ryan Reynolds?

00:46:59.000 It's Ryan Reynolds, right?

00:47:01.000 He's the one who played it, and it was a Netflix movie.

00:47:04.000 But it's a really good book series, and he writes in coffee shops.

00:47:07.000 No, you switched them.

00:47:08.000 Sorry.

00:47:09.000 Did I? Green Man's Ryan Gosling.

00:47:10.000 God damn it. 1.00

00:47:12.000 I always fuck those dudes up. 1.00

00:47:14.000 They're both great. 1.00

00:47:15.000 I don't.

00:47:16.000 No disrespect, Ryan Gosling.

00:47:18.000 They're both great.

00:47:18.000 They are great.

00:47:18.000 He's really good in the Green Man.

00:47:20.000 And this guy writes in coffee shops.

00:47:23.000 I was like, you got a house.

00:47:25.000 Why don't you write at your house?

00:47:26.000 Some people like writing in public around people.

00:47:29.000 They want to feel people's weirdness and energy.

00:47:32.000 It's fun to people watch, too.

00:47:33.000 It gives your brain a break.

00:47:35.000 If you want to test your friendship, write a script with your best friend.

00:47:39.000 Oh, yeah.

00:47:40.000 Do anything with your best friend.

00:47:42.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:47:42.000 I've read stuff with people.

00:47:43.000 It can get taxing.

00:47:45.000 It can.

00:47:46.000 It can.

00:47:47.000 But then we went to Hawaii and we healed.

00:47:50.000 We say that Hawaii healed our marriage.

00:47:52.000 Hawaii saved our marriage.

00:47:56.000 It did.

00:47:57.000 It healed us.

00:47:57.000 We were in Kauai and boy did we have a time.

00:48:00.000 We had...

00:48:01.000 You guys are such a good complement of each other, though.

00:48:04.000 Thank you.

00:48:04.000 When you guys are doing your podcast, it's like watching...

00:48:08.000 If you ever see a show where they just take two people and they put them together and they force them to be friends?

00:48:13.000 Yes.

00:48:13.000 Like those morning shows.

00:48:15.000 That's called Kill Tony.

00:48:18.000 That's how we met.

00:48:19.000 That's how we met.

00:48:21.000 Right.

00:48:22.000 Exactly.

00:48:22.000 I mean you are spot on with that.

00:48:24.000 That is exactly what happened.

00:48:26.000 We were both the regulars had to do a minute together and then eventually you're like we should write this together every week.

00:48:30.000 Yeah.

00:48:31.000 And then we're like, oh I guess we're best friends.

00:48:33.000 You guys are just a good hang.

00:48:35.000 And so like that comes across when you do your podcast.

00:48:38.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:48:38.000 It's like you're just talking shit. 1.00

00:48:39.000 Oh we get into adventures. 1.00

00:48:41.000 Cause we're actual friends, you know?

00:48:43.000 There are so many people that ride their bike on the highway out here.

00:48:46.000 It's wild. 0.85

00:48:47.000 I hate those people. 0.73

00:48:49.000 I'm like, what are you doing? 0.97

00:48:50.000 I was watching this couple and they were riding their bike.

00:48:53.000 Everyone's going by them, literally two feet away, going 60 miles an hour.

00:48:59.000 And they're on the side pedaling their bicycle.

00:49:03.000 Anything can go wrong.

00:49:05.000 Anybody could bump someone.

00:49:07.000 Anybody can get a blowout. 1.00

00:49:08.000 All that shit is happening. 1.00

00:49:10.000 Who is? 1.00

00:49:12.000 Who is?

00:49:13.000 And you're like, I'm out here being healthy.

00:49:16.000 I'm out here looking to lengthen my life. 1.00

00:49:21.000 What the fuck are you doing? 1.00

00:49:23.000 I just saw a cyclist on Thanksgiving. 1.00

00:49:25.000 I saw one on Thanksgiving and he's like, I'm biking to my mom's house 25 miles away.

00:49:30.000 And I was like, up a mountain.

00:49:32.000 It was going to take seven hours and he was going to get there for Thanksgiving dinner.

00:49:35.000 I'm like, just go eat dinner with your family, dude.

00:49:38.000 Just go eat.

00:49:39.000 Just buy a Peloton, call it.

00:49:41.000 Well, I guess it's an adventure that way.

00:49:43.000 Yeah, but it hurts the whole time.

00:49:46.000 You see those dudes that like walk all the way across the country?

00:49:49.000 There's like these crazy trails that they do.

00:49:51.000 What is it?

00:49:52.000 The Appalachian Trail?

00:49:53.000 Are they homeless?

00:49:53.000 I think Ari Maness used to do stuff like that.

00:49:55.000 It takes days and days and days and days of walking.

00:50:00.000 And they have these little places where they can camp out along the way because other people do the hike too.

00:50:04.000 Sounds horrible.

00:50:05.000 And you're always running into serial killers.

00:50:06.000 You ever walk one hour?

00:50:08.000 That's enough.

00:50:09.000 How many serial killers are out there in that woods hiking that trail?

00:50:11.000 So many serial killers.

00:50:13.000 Like that's probably the way to serial kill.

00:50:14.000 If you want to find a serial killer, go to the woods.

00:50:17.000 Go to the woods.

00:50:18.000 Go to a trail in the woods. 0.99

00:50:20.000 Don't be an ass hiker in the middle of nowhere. 0.97

00:50:21.000 What are you hiking out here for? 0.99

00:50:23.000 I do love hiking.

00:50:26.000 Me too.

00:50:27.000 It's hard as a woman, but yeah, it's fun. 0.98

00:50:29.000 Yeah.

00:50:30.000 Right.

00:50:31.000 I love being outside.

00:50:32.000 It's always scary.

00:50:32.000 Yeah, you're in the woods already.

00:50:34.000 Yeah.

00:50:35.000 You're bringing yourself into the woods.

00:50:36.000 Yeah.

00:50:37.000 You don't even have to drag you in there.

00:50:38.000 The last time I went hiking, I went on a different hike than I normally do with less people because I like it more, but it's like never anyone around and it makes me a little nervous.

00:50:46.000 Yeah.

00:50:46.000 So I did it and I could see one man at the top of the hike and he was just there the whole time and I'm like, ugh.

00:50:52.000 And then when I got to the top, it was a door guy from the Comedy Store.

00:50:55.000 He was like, oh, hey, Kim.

00:50:57.000 And I was like, hey, Renee.

00:50:59.000 I know, it was Renee. 0.99

00:51:01.000 It was Renee.

00:51:01.000 That's so funny.

00:51:02.000 Yeah.

00:51:03.000 That's funny.

00:51:04.000 Yeah.

00:51:05.000 So I was like, thank God.

00:51:06.000 Yeah, there's something about being, working out outside that I really love.

00:51:11.000 Like, it feels very calming and meditative and, like, life-giving.

00:51:16.000 It brings you back.

00:51:17.000 Sure.

00:51:17.000 You're in the sun.

00:51:18.000 In the sun.

00:51:19.000 It's good for you.

00:51:19.000 Yeah.

00:51:20.000 It was good for you.

00:51:21.000 It was so nice.

00:51:22.000 It was our first real vacation in so long when we went to Hawaii.

00:51:26.000 If I'm at the beach, I'm pretty embarrassing.

00:51:29.000 Dude, we're supposed to get sun all the time.

00:51:31.000 That's one of the reasons why you feel good when you're on vacation.

00:51:34.000 You're getting all that vitamin D. Tell Joe how I was in the ocean.

00:51:37.000 What?

00:51:37.000 Sarah's tanning.

00:51:39.000 Yeah.

00:51:39.000 I'm like, snorkel on, have a tube where the water's breaking and I'm trying to dive through the tube.

00:51:45.000 I'm riding the tube onto the sand.

00:51:48.000 I'm flipping my- I'm like reading a magazine on the sand.

00:51:52.000 I don't leave the water until my lips are blue and my hands are wrinkled.

00:51:57.000 I'll just float with a snorkel like I'm dead.

00:52:01.000 And let the waves wash me in and drag me out and wash me in.

00:52:04.000 For hours.

00:52:05.000 It never gets old to me.

00:52:08.000 You gotta tell them about the turtles.

00:52:11.000 About how we got humiliated in Kauai.

00:52:15.000 And she gets embarrassed.

00:52:17.000 I know. 0.99

00:52:17.000 I didn't give a fuck. 0.99

00:52:18.000 Oh, I got embarrassed. 0.98

00:52:19.000 Because we went to this beach where I guess the sea turtles swim up.

00:52:22.000 Poipu.

00:52:22.000 Yeah.

00:52:23.000 Poipu.

00:52:23.000 And I'm like very aware of like not touching anything, staying away, giving everything its space.

00:52:28.000 So I'm trying to do that.

00:52:29.000 But the tourists are kind of chasing the turtle to where it runs into me.

00:52:34.000 And it's trying to escape, and I'm trying not to move so it can go around me, but it doesn't know where to go.

00:52:38.000 And right then, this lady comes with a megaphone. 1.00

00:52:40.000 She's like, step away from the turtle!

00:52:44.000 She's like, you're just...

00:52:45.000 And I already...

00:52:46.000 And I am mortified, dude.

00:52:50.000 I'm like, I hope nobody listens to the pod.

00:52:52.000 I'm getting like...

00:52:54.000 In front of a bunch of people getting yelled at.

00:52:57.000 And she's in flippers. 0.99

00:52:58.000 So you have to get out of the water in flippers.

00:53:02.000 Embarrassed while everybody watches you leave.

00:53:06.000 I couldn't want to go for four hours. 1.00

00:53:08.000 I was like, who gives a fuck? 0.99

00:53:09.000 She's taking pictures of the turtles. 0.99

00:53:11.000 I was like, no, they all know me as the turtles disturber.

00:53:14.000 She said I was stressing them out.

00:53:16.000 I was like, you are stressing them out.

00:53:19.000 Oh my god.

00:53:21.000 She was like a turtle beach Karen. 1.00

00:53:23.000 I was like, bitch, you're stressing us out. 1.00

00:53:25.000 Do you want one of these? 1.00

00:53:26.000 What is it?

00:53:27.000 Mushroom.

00:53:28.000 Oh, how dare you.

00:53:30.000 They give people lion's mane mushrooms.

00:53:34.000 What is this?

00:53:35.000 This is literally an omega vitamin that you just gave me.

00:53:40.000 I didn't have another mushroom.

00:53:41.000 I just had an omega.

00:53:42.000 C. Karens are a special breed.

00:53:44.000 Oh, C. Karens? 0.99

00:53:45.000 They'll get you.

00:53:45.000 I was watching a C. Karen once in Malibu.

00:53:48.000 C. Karen.

00:53:49.000 In Malibu, these guys were on the beach and they were fishing and they caught a stingray.

00:53:54.000 And as they're pulling the stingray in, this lady comes out of her back porch and runs down the beach yelling, put it back. 1.00

00:54:01.000 Put it back in the water.

00:54:02.000 No!

00:54:03.000 Put it back.

00:54:04.000 And you do not have to put a stingray back in the water.

00:54:07.000 You can eat a stingray if you so choose to.

00:54:10.000 You could?

00:54:11.000 Yes.

00:54:12.000 I don't feel like it would taste good.

00:54:13.000 I've had it.

00:54:14.000 Did you saute it?

00:54:16.000 No, I had it on a menu at a restaurant.

00:54:18.000 Is it fishy?

00:54:20.000 It's like a fish.

00:54:22.000 It's interesting.

00:54:23.000 It's an interesting flavor.

00:54:24.000 But I mean, it's something that people eat.

00:54:26.000 So if you're fishing for food and a stingray comes in, I'm pretty sure you're allowed to eat them.

00:54:31.000 Google and find out if that's true.

00:54:33.000 I'm pretty sure you're allowed to eat them.

00:54:35.000 Yeah, there are lots of C. Karen. 0.98

00:54:36.000 But this C. Karen, she came out and she was demanding they comply. 0.97

00:54:41.000 Oh my God.

00:54:41.000 Because that's all public land.

00:54:43.000 That's what's so wild about having a house in Malibu.

00:54:46.000 You have this super dope house.

00:54:48.000 Is it legal to catch stingrays?

00:54:50.000 Allowed statewide, mostly taken in Southern California.

00:54:52.000 Okay.

00:54:53.000 So it's totally legal to catch them.

00:54:54.000 Yeah, you're allowed.

00:54:55.000 My dad was a fisherman.

00:54:56.000 You don't have to release them.

00:54:58.000 I mean, catch them means eat them.

00:54:59.000 That's what it means.

00:55:00.000 You can eat them.

00:55:01.000 But this lady was demanding. 1.00

00:55:02.000 Imagine catching and releasing stingrays.

00:55:05.000 You know the movie The Perfect Storm?

00:55:07.000 Do you remember that movie?

00:55:08.000 They're cool.

00:55:08.000 Stingrays are cool.

00:55:09.000 They are cool.

00:55:10.000 I do remember it.

00:55:11.000 They're kind of cute.

00:55:12.000 Sometimes you look at them and they're smiling.

00:55:14.000 They do look like people, oddly, like aliens got stuck inside of a fish.

00:55:17.000 Yeah, they do seem alien-like.

00:55:18.000 Same with jellyfish.

00:55:19.000 Yeah, they are like an alien. 0.78

00:55:21.000 Alien as hell.

00:55:22.000 The stuff in the sea, very alien-like.

00:55:24.000 Yeah, I agree.

00:55:26.000 You know, they did some study recently where they showed that jellyfish, despite not having a brain, they seem to be able to learn.

00:55:34.000 Now they're trying to figure out how they learn.

00:55:36.000 I know how they learn.

00:55:37.000 How?

00:55:38.000 Vibes.

00:55:39.000 Vibes, man.

00:55:39.000 They feel the vibes.

00:55:40.000 They feel the vibes.

00:55:41.000 You don't have to have a brain to feel the vibes.

00:55:43.000 If we live in a vibrational universe where everything is frequency, it would make sense.

00:55:48.000 They feel the vibes.

00:55:49.000 They're vibing out down there.

00:55:51.000 They just go with what the flow is.

00:55:53.000 They're very jelly-like.

00:55:55.000 They just go with whatever the energy is doing already.

00:55:59.000 That's why it seems like they know.

00:56:00.000 You guys seem like you came up with this theory together and you discussed this before.

00:56:03.000 Oh, I just thought of it right now and Sarah came on board with me and I feel like we're onto something.

00:56:07.000 Are we not onto something?

00:56:08.000 I think we live in a vibrational universe and things enter our experience based on the things that we think and the world that we create.

00:56:17.000 I just think if the fish are flowing this way, the jelly is going to go this way, too.

00:56:23.000 And it seems like they know what they're doing, but they're just kind of going with whatever is happening around them. 0.99

00:56:27.000 Also, some of them are poisonous as fuck. 1.00

00:56:29.000 Like the box jellyfish. 1.00

00:56:31.000 Which means they know they need to be poisonous.

00:56:33.000 Yeah.

00:56:34.000 Which means they're aware that there's danger.

00:56:36.000 They're sentient in some way.

00:56:38.000 Yeah, they have no brains, but they're aware.

00:56:40.000 I know a lot of people like that. 0.99

00:56:43.000 I know a lot of jellyfish.

00:56:45.000 Well, especially if you think about where box jellyfish live.

00:56:48.000 They're Australia, right?

00:56:49.000 Australia has great white sharks everywhere.

00:56:51.000 Australia has those little cute octopi that... 0.94

00:56:54.000 Is it octopus?

00:56:55.000 Pie?

00:56:56.000 I think it's octopi.

00:56:57.000 Octopi that are the little blue-ringed ones that look like you can pick them up, but they'll kill you.

00:57:01.000 Oh, really?

00:57:01.000 They're like the most dangerous one in the world.

00:57:03.000 It's not octopussies.

00:57:04.000 Oh, that's a James Bond movie.

00:57:08.000 Octopuses.

00:57:08.000 The blue ringed octopus.

00:57:10.000 Yeah, it's like very cute and small.

00:57:11.000 And they have videos of that one.

00:57:13.000 That'll kill you? 1.00

00:57:14.000 Yeah, that'll kill you. 1.00

00:57:15.000 How come that guy has it on his hand?

00:57:16.000 It's like one of the most deadly octopus.

00:57:18.000 Wow.

00:57:19.000 It looks sick.

00:57:20.000 And people pick them up all the time because they're beautiful.

00:57:23.000 I want that in a jacket.

00:57:24.000 And so what does it have?

00:57:26.000 A stinger?

00:57:27.000 It bites, I think.

00:57:28.000 What is it doing?

00:57:29.000 If I remember correctly. 0.99

00:57:30.000 It has a toxin or some shit? 0.99

00:57:31.000 I think it bites. 1.00

00:57:32.000 It's nicknamed bro.

00:57:33.000 It says blue-ringed octopus, nicknamed bro.

00:57:37.000 It only attacks humans when it feels in danger.

00:57:39.000 If you're trying to corner a blue-ringed octopus, it might become aggressive and attack.

00:57:43.000 So it has two types of toxins for hunting, the other for self-defense.

00:57:48.000 A blue-ringed octopus ejects tetrodoxin, a harmful toxin that could paralyze and kill a human adult in mere minutes.

00:57:58.000 It's 1,200 times more toxic than cyanide.

00:58:02.000 It's crazy.

00:58:03.000 That's wild. 1.00

00:58:05.000 Holy shit. 1.00

00:58:06.000 There's no known antidote. 0.99

00:58:07.000 Nope.

00:58:08.000 It's the same kind of toxin that pufferfish have.

00:58:10.000 It can kill 26 full adults with one bite.

00:58:13.000 Oh my god.

00:58:15.000 It can kill 26 full adults in one bite.

00:58:19.000 Yeah.

00:58:20.000 That is so crazy.

00:58:23.000 That is so insane.

00:58:25.000 It is insane, right?

00:58:26.000 And there's videos of people that pick it up, they go viral because they don't know better, so they're playing with it in the ocean.

00:58:31.000 Oh my God.

00:58:32.000 And it's like, oh God.

00:58:34.000 And thank God, I mean, I think that, I think they've also, they had a Netflix thing about how octopi are like really smart and they like have the average brain of like a five-year-old child or something.

00:58:45.000 So maybe some of them are aware and don't want to kill people when they get picked up, but...

00:58:49.000 Well, they figured out how to open up mason jars.

00:58:51.000 Oh, yeah.

00:58:52.000 They can unlock doors. 1.00

00:58:54.000 I think they said that they can memorize shit. 1.00

00:58:58.000 They can memorize shit and how it works. 1.00

00:59:01.000 They're smart. 1.00

00:59:02.000 They had this tank that was set up next to another tank.

00:59:05.000 So one tank had octopus in it and the other tank across the room had fish in it.

00:59:08.000 And fish started missing.

00:59:10.000 And so they set up a camera.

00:59:12.000 And they found out what was going on was the octopus was climbing out of his tank, walking across the floor, climbing up into the other tank, jacking a fish, eating it, and then going back into his tank.

00:59:25.000 The comedian in me imagined it jacking off a fish and then eating it.

00:59:29.000 For some reason, when I was imagining it, the octopus was wearing sunglasses in the whole story.

00:59:36.000 The Pink Panther song.

00:59:41.000 I mean, how insane is that?

00:59:43.000 That the thing figured out that it could get out and walk in a place where it can't breathe.

00:59:47.000 Well, they can fit through anything that their eyes can fit through.

00:59:50.000 That's great.

00:59:51.000 No matter how big they are, I think.

00:59:54.000 Don't quote me on that.

00:59:56.000 But how would it know that it could get out and climb?

01:00:01.000 Jo, you want to hear the answer?

01:00:03.000 It's the vibes.

01:00:05.000 It just knows.

01:00:06.000 The same way everyone knows everything.

01:00:12.000 Vibes.

01:00:13.000 Vibes.

01:00:13.000 You felt it out one day.

01:00:14.000 Frequency.

01:00:14.000 You were like, this feels right.

01:00:16.000 Intuition.

01:00:16.000 How would two humans, the first two humans know to have sex?

01:00:20.000 They were just like, this feels like we should do that.

01:00:22.000 Right.

01:00:23.000 Well, but it was way before humans, right?

01:00:25.000 Animals.

01:00:25.000 How did the first living organism that was multicellular figure out how to mate?

01:00:31.000 It's just an innate thing.

01:00:33.000 A little horny cell. 0.74

01:00:34.000 Right. 0.99

01:00:34.000 A little horny cell. 0.99

01:00:35.000 So what is this octopus doing? 0.68

01:00:37.000 Oh, big octopus versus small holes.

01:00:39.000 They keep This is a porn hub category.

01:00:44.000 I'm sorry guys.

01:00:46.000 Is there a little pent-up energy in this room?

01:00:49.000 What's happening? 0.93

01:00:50.000 Big octopus small hole is disgusting.

01:00:52.000 So that little hole in the plexiglass, it's going to go through that little hole.

01:00:57.000 Oh yeah.

01:00:58.000 And it could definitely fit because his eyeballs are like a fist.

01:01:01.000 It actually might.

01:01:02.000 It did four other ones before I got to this video.

01:01:05.000 So this is the one that might stuck?

01:01:07.000 Yeah, I think it backs off.

01:01:08.000 It realizes it's stuck. 1.00

01:01:09.000 This is a fucking alien. 1.00

01:01:11.000 I'm sorry. 1.00

01:01:11.000 They are aliens. 1.00

01:01:12.000 How is that not an alien?

01:01:14.000 They really are aliens.

01:01:16.000 They're just aliens that live under the ocean.

01:01:18.000 Yeah.

01:01:18.000 And do you know the myth of the Kraken?

01:01:21.000 Kraken was an enormous octopus that would take out ships.

01:01:25.000 No.

01:01:26.000 Yeah, it was always like one of those ancient myths of a sea beast.

01:01:31.000 Yeah, they have paintings with like the octopus tentacles touching the ships and stuff.

01:01:36.000 Well, one day they found tentacle imprints, the imprints of the suction cups that were massive.

01:01:46.000 That would have indicated like an enormous octopus.

01:01:49.000 Oh yeah, they were definitely taking down ships.

01:01:51.000 So they think it was real.

01:01:52.000 Yeah.

01:01:53.000 They think at one point in time there really were massive octopuses.

01:01:57.000 They were smart enough to do it.

01:01:57.000 What is that fossil, the fossilized version of the kraken?

01:02:02.000 So they found these fossils of the suction cups on the bottom of the ocean floor.

01:02:08.000 And they were like, what?

01:02:10.000 Like, what is this?

01:02:11.000 These are huge.

01:02:12.000 Oh, man.

01:02:13.000 So if this is really an octopus, like this.

01:02:16.000 It's actually a Nevada.

01:02:18.000 Oh, is it really?

01:02:19.000 Wow!

01:02:20.000 Oh, that's crazy.

01:02:21.000 They're like imprints of tentacles?

01:02:23.000 They always want you to unlock the story of these people.

01:02:26.000 I think there's more than one of these things that they found now.

01:02:30.000 Wow.

01:02:30.000 Because this image looks different.

01:02:33.000 Giant Kraken Lair discovered.

01:02:36.000 Wow.

01:02:38.000 Wow.

01:02:39.000 Okay.

01:02:39.000 State Park in Nevada.

01:02:41.000 What is it?

01:02:41.000 Berlin Endos?

01:02:43.000 Squid eating sperm whales.

01:02:44.000 State Park, whatever it is.

01:02:48.000 Where McMinnon and his daughter spent a few days in the summer.

01:02:51.000 The site were the remains of nine...

01:02:53.000 45-foot Ichiothorus of the species Choniosaurus popularis can be found.

01:03:03.000 These were the Triassic counterpart to today's predatory giant squid-eating sperm whales.

01:03:09.000 But the fossils at the Nevada site have a long history of perplexing researchers, including the world's expert on the site, the late Charles Lewis Camp of UC Berkeley.

01:03:19.000 Charles Camp puzzled over these fossils in the 1950s.

01:03:22.000 In his papers, he kept referring to how peculiar the site was.

01:03:25.000 We agree it's peculiar.

01:03:26.000 So where is the thing about the Kraken thing?

01:03:32.000 Yeah, when does Kraken eat people?

01:03:33.000 That's what I want to hear about.

01:03:34.000 That's what this is, I believe.

01:03:36.000 Right.

01:03:36.000 I think that's a Kraken.

01:03:37.000 Snaggled tooth.

01:03:38.000 Oh, what is that?

01:03:39.000 It's kind of a mean name.

01:03:40.000 No, that's a fish. 0.93

01:03:42.000 Yeah.

01:03:43.000 That looks like a dolphin.

01:03:44.000 I mean, I think he's talking about other things that he did as well.

01:03:48.000 Before Whale.

01:03:49.000 Kraken.

01:03:50.000 Yeah.

01:03:51.000 So this Kraken thing, so whatever those tentacles are, they see there.

01:03:55.000 It fed on those.

01:03:56.000 It fed on those.

01:03:57.000 So it ate those giant fish. 1.00

01:03:59.000 Holy fuck. 0.99

01:03:59.000 A Kraken of such mythological proportions, it could have sent Captain Nemo running for dry land. 0.99

01:04:04.000 Wow.

01:04:05.000 This guy, so scroll down and let's find out how big these tentacles were. 0.92

01:04:12.000 Did it say anything in there?

01:04:13.000 I didn't see anything about that, no.

01:04:14.000 I was going to try to find out their website.

01:04:15.000 Because they're trying to figure out how big this octopus must have been.

01:04:19.000 But the question is, like, what part of the tentacle is it?

01:04:22.000 Is it the end of it where it's smaller?

01:04:24.000 Is it the part where it's thickest?

01:04:27.000 Like, what part do they have a...

01:04:29.000 A real fossil of.

01:04:31.000 Whoa.

01:04:32.000 I want to know how big it was.

01:04:34.000 Imagine getting suctioned to death by a kraken. 1.00

01:04:37.000 No thanks!

01:04:38.000 It just makes sense because everything was giant back then.

01:04:40.000 They had megalodons. 0.97

01:04:41.000 The sharks were fucking huge. 0.99

01:04:42.000 Megalodons are crazy. 1.00

01:04:44.000 If you've ever seen a megalodon tooth online, it's nuts looking.

01:04:49.000 Gnarly.

01:04:49.000 Yeah, I have one.

01:04:50.000 You do?

01:04:51.000 Yeah, my daughter does.

01:04:52.000 She's got this megalodon tooth that's like that big. 1.00

01:04:55.000 That's so cool.

01:04:56.000 It's fossilized.

01:04:57.000 There's a bunch of them.

01:04:58.000 You can buy them online. 0.99

01:04:59.000 But they were fucking giant. 0.99

01:05:03.000 And they were just eating everything. 0.99

01:05:04.000 Are they gone?

01:05:06.000 Well, not.

01:05:07.000 If you watched it, Jason, say the movie.

01:05:09.000 The Meg.

01:05:10.000 They're gone for sure, though?

01:05:11.000 The Meg is called?

01:05:12.000 You ever seen The Meg?

01:05:12.000 How do we know there's not one roaming around?

01:05:14.000 If you dumb yourself up to a considerable extent with the right substances, The Meg is an absolutely hilarious movie.

01:05:21.000 I could enjoy The Megalodon.

01:05:23.000 Movie or whatever.

01:05:24.000 That's what it is.

01:05:25.000 I saw the previews.

01:05:27.000 I can dumb myself down for it because immediately I was like, I want to see that.

01:05:31.000 It's like living in the 80s.

01:05:34.000 Sharknado energy.

01:05:35.000 So I saw you and Brian Simpson were smelling salt and I want to do it.

01:05:40.000 Oh yeah, you said you had some freshies.

01:05:42.000 We got freshies back there. 0.99

01:05:43.000 We're here for the salt challenge, Joe.

01:05:46.000 We gotta do the freshies. 0.96

01:05:47.000 Salt, salt, salt, salt.

01:05:49.000 People have been sniffing salts at the studio.

01:05:52.000 It's become a thing for some reason.

01:05:55.000 I don't know who brought them to the studio.

01:05:57.000 They brought a bunch of them.

01:05:58.000 Or to the, well, to the studio first, and then people brought it to the green room.

01:06:02.000 And I don't know who brought the stuff to the green room, but there's a bunch of stuff in there.

01:06:05.000 Bunch of different kinds.

01:06:07.000 Bunch of different kinds.

01:06:08.000 And I feel like I have them at home now.

01:06:11.000 I'm like, am I doing something illegal?

01:06:13.000 They have not prepared you for what you're going to experience today.

01:06:17.000 Oh, no.

01:06:18.000 This is the real thing.

01:06:20.000 Now I'm scared.

01:06:21.000 This is the real one.

01:06:23.000 It's fear factor now?

01:06:24.000 Listen to me.

01:06:26.000 This is next level.

01:06:26.000 Oh, no.

01:06:27.000 This is dark.

01:06:28.000 Oh, not dark.

01:06:29.000 It's going to strange, strange, strange you out.

01:06:33.000 It's going to hit your nostrils.

01:06:35.000 You're going to feel like your brain's on fire.

01:06:37.000 You're going to wish you saw a megalodon.

01:06:40.000 Brian Simpson took his headphones off and ran out of the room.

01:06:42.000 If Brian Simpson takes his headphones off, it's an issue.

01:06:45.000 Yeah, those headphones stay on.

01:06:47.000 The headphones don't leave his head.

01:06:49.000 Okay, now we're in trouble.

01:06:51.000 Oh, no.

01:06:52.000 Oh, I don't like how it says, ah!

01:06:54.000 Yeah, that's what it's called.

01:06:55.000 The bag just says, ah!

01:06:57.000 All right, this is a freshy.

01:06:58.000 These are rough.

01:07:01.000 Okay.

01:07:01.000 So it's sealed inside of here, and then the package is sealed.

01:07:06.000 And you can smell it from the outside of the bag.

01:07:09.000 Wherever the salt challenge.

01:07:11.000 I've seen that when you opened it up.

01:07:13.000 Yeah, that's what's up.

01:07:19.000 Oh, Jesus Christ.

01:07:20.000 That was a big hit.

01:07:21.000 It's not even open yet.

01:07:23.000 Oh, that was not even open yet.

01:07:27.000 That is it coming from a sealed bottle.

01:07:29.000 No!

01:07:30.000 Yes.

01:07:32.000 Yes.

01:07:34.000 I'm not ready.

01:07:36.000 This is so next level.

01:07:37.000 What you experience at the club is nonsense. 0.82

01:07:40.000 That's nonsense.

01:07:42.000 This is the real deal.

01:07:43.000 I feel like I can smell in the air a little.

01:07:45.000 Yeah, it's like a Phil Collins song.

01:07:48.000 Put it up there and just take a hit.

01:07:51.000 Just go for it.

01:07:52.000 Just go for it. 1.00

01:07:54.000 Oh, fuck! 1.00

01:07:56.000 It feels like I just... 1.00

01:07:57.000 Yeah.

01:07:58.000 Whoa! 0.71

01:08:00.000 Yeah.

01:08:00.000 Ah!

01:08:01.000 Like the name.

01:08:03.000 It'll wake you right up.

01:08:05.000 Oh, Kim, how's it feel?

01:08:07.000 Now you know.

01:08:08.000 You're like, I want smelling salts.

01:08:09.000 No, you don't.

01:08:10.000 Hold on.

01:08:10.000 You don't want that life.

01:08:11.000 It feels like I went...

01:08:13.000 It has a chlorine to it.

01:08:16.000 Oh my god, I'm still recovering.

01:08:18.000 It's like...

01:08:18.000 Oh my.

01:08:19.000 But there's something about it.

01:08:20.000 You do it once and you're like, I think I have it again.

01:08:24.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:08:24.000 Like, please, sir, can I have some more?

01:08:26.000 This one hits different. 0.96

01:08:28.000 This one you feel like in your inside of your skull.

01:08:31.000 I told you.

01:08:32.000 Trust me.

01:08:34.000 I wouldn't sell you something like this.

01:08:40.000 So yeah, the ocean's a crazy place.

01:08:43.000 Oh yeah, that's what I was going to say.

01:08:45.000 You know the Andrea Gale, the perfect storm boat?

01:08:48.000 My dad was supposed to be on that boat.

01:08:50.000 Yeah, and he used to work with the guy that was the captain of the ship and he said he didn't like that he would run into storms and not care about the crew.

01:08:59.000 And that's why he didn't go on the boat.

01:09:00.000 Wow. 0.99

01:09:02.000 Holy shit. 1.00

01:09:03.000 Wow, I still taste the salts. 0.99

01:09:05.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:09:06.000 Dude, being in a storm on a boat must be the most terrifying shit ever. 0.99

01:09:10.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:09:11.000 You ever see those videos of cruise ships where the fucking piano's rolling by? 0.99

01:09:14.000 Oh my god. 0.99

01:09:15.000 Everything's falling apart. 0.97

01:09:16.000 Or like, the deadliest catch, shit like that. 0.97

01:09:18.000 You're like... 0.97

01:09:20.000 But there's something like, at least I feel like those boats are more mobile.

01:09:24.000 They might be able to survive it better. 0.99

01:09:26.000 When I look at cruise ships, I'm like, that's a goddamn apartment building in the middle of the ocean. 0.99

01:09:32.000 Oh, God. 1.00

01:09:33.000 Look at this fucking ship. 1.00

01:09:34.000 This is the ship that was out there looking for the missing Malaysian Airlines flight in the Indian Ocean. 0.99

01:09:38.000 This is part of why it was so hard to find.

01:09:40.000 Oh, imagine having to go look for the airplane.

01:09:43.000 Are you looking for a missing plane?

01:09:45.000 Cruises stress me out in general.

01:09:47.000 Why do you need to do that?

01:09:48.000 Why do you need to go for the missing plane there?

01:09:50.000 They don't know where it went.

01:09:51.000 Because they need to know what happened to it.

01:09:52.000 Have you done a cruise?

01:09:54.000 No.

01:09:55.000 It freaks me out. 0.97

01:09:57.000 It's like a bunch of, like, fat Americans, like, showing up in, like, Hawaiian shirts being like, let's go to the buffet! 0.98

01:10:06.000 Nothing sounds worse. 0.99

01:10:07.000 This is insane.

01:10:09.000 And that's not even, like, the worst ocean ever.

01:10:11.000 Right.

01:10:11.000 I was gonna find out.

01:10:12.000 My TikTok algorithm is full of videos of this one TikTok guy who films people renting boats trying to get out into the ocean and not knowing what they're doing. 0.99

01:10:22.000 It's fucking crazy.

01:10:24.000 You have to really know what you're doing on a boat. 0.99

01:10:26.000 The ocean is wild, and the ocean will take you quick.

01:10:29.000 Sarah and I almost saw a boy die in Hawaii.

01:10:32.000 Literally got pulled out, blew, CPR for over six minutes.

01:10:36.000 It was horrible.

01:10:37.000 Horrible.

01:10:38.000 He survived, luckily.

01:10:40.000 They brought him back, but he almost did not make it.

01:10:42.000 And... 0.99

01:10:43.000 When you see the people just not watching their fucking kids at the beach, it's like, what are you doing? 0.99

01:10:49.000 You can't just leave your kid, even if they're a good swimmer. 0.99

01:10:54.000 Especially little kids. 0.94

01:10:55.000 Oh my god, you know what's fucked up is that we were having the most perfect day. 0.96

01:10:59.000 It was like the perfect beach day. 0.97

01:11:01.000 We were surfing.

01:11:02.000 We met hot Hawaiian Michaels. 0.59

01:11:04.000 We're taking us surfing, pushing us into the waves.

01:11:07.000 We're having the best day.

01:11:08.000 The waterfall was in the background, and then that little boy drowned, and it just cleared the whole beach.

01:11:14.000 It was so horrible, and then at that point, I realized that nobody knew CPR. I was the first one to yell, does anybody know CPR? Because this lady's just screaming, help. 1.00

01:11:24.000 She didn't know what to do.

01:11:26.000 And then I'm like, does anybody know CPR? And I look at the locals.

01:11:30.000 The lifeguards weren't at that beach.

01:11:31.000 Oh.

01:11:32.000 And they were at a different beach.

01:11:34.000 So nobody knew CPR and finally the lady just starts trying. 1.00

01:11:38.000 And she does it for like two minutes. 0.99

01:11:40.000 And then eventually you see this guy sprint.

01:11:43.000 You knew it was his dad.

01:11:44.000 Because it's a different run than anybody else.

01:11:47.000 And he just slides into the sand and just starts banging on his back.

01:11:50.000 Literally turns him over and just starts like...

01:11:52.000 Because he was pretty much dead at that point.

01:11:55.000 And somehow that motion or that aggression or whatever he did brought him back.

01:12:00.000 It woke him up.

01:12:01.000 Oh my god.

01:12:03.000 It's so scary. 0.98

01:12:04.000 It was so fucking intense to watch. 1.00

01:12:07.000 It was fucked up. 1.00

01:12:09.000 For the rest of the trip, I didn't go to any more tourist beach. 0.99

01:12:11.000 I stayed on all the local beaches where all the locals only swam.

01:12:14.000 I kept having anxiety.

01:12:16.000 I was watching other people's kids. 0.97

01:12:19.000 It fucked me up, dude. 0.97

01:12:23.000 Things can change in a second. 0.99

01:12:24.000 Watch your kids.

01:12:25.000 If you're about to go on vacation, watch your kids in the water. 1.00

01:12:28.000 The ocean is a fucking beast. 0.99

01:12:31.000 When Duncan was in Maui, either right before he got there or right after he got there, someone got eaten by a shark. 0.99

01:12:37.000 Someone got eaten by a shark when we were there.

01:12:39.000 In Kauai.

01:12:40.000 In the same beach we were at where the boy drowned.

01:12:42.000 The same beach.

01:12:42.000 Hanalei Bay, someone got eaten by a shark.

01:12:45.000 It was a local who surfed that same beach for like 25 years.

01:12:50.000 But when we got there, we realized they were telling us we were there during shark mating season.

01:12:55.000 So this was a surfer got taken out?

01:12:57.000 Yeah, a surfer.

01:12:58.000 But he was surfing in the reefs, out deep into the ocean during mating season.

01:13:02.000 Yeah, they call it Sharktober.

01:13:03.000 Sharktober.

01:13:04.000 Sharktober.

01:13:04.000 That's what they call it.

01:13:05.000 During mating season.

01:13:06.000 Oh, yeah.

01:13:07.000 And then you go to the local beaches, and it's full of school kids.

01:13:10.000 How you would beg your parents to go to the mall, they are like, please let us go catch a few waves after school.

01:13:16.000 So it's all these school kids.

01:13:18.000 That's where I surfed. 0.99

01:13:18.000 I went in with the local kids, and they're all in the water, and they're fucking out there. 0.99

01:13:24.000 It's so funny. 0.98

01:13:25.000 I'm out there trying to catch a wave, and they go, park!

01:13:28.000 And you see them all going back.

01:13:30.000 I'm like, why are they going deeper into the ocean? 0.99

01:13:31.000 I see this fucking huge wave coming at me. 0.97

01:13:34.000 And they're all catching it, holding hands, jumping on each other's boards. 0.98

01:13:37.000 My mom says, we have more and more wave, then we have to go do homework.

01:13:41.000 And they're shredding.

01:13:44.000 They're surfing backwards on purpose.

01:13:47.000 They're having the most fun of their lives.

01:13:48.000 And they're out there during shark mating season.

01:13:51.000 They go hard in Hawaii. 1.00

01:13:53.000 Those kids don't give a fuck. 1.00

01:13:54.000 That is wild. 0.99

01:13:55.000 They're awesome.

01:13:56.000 It's so cool.

01:13:56.000 During shark mating season.

01:13:57.000 It was crazy.

01:13:58.000 Yeah, sharktober.

01:14:00.000 It was crazy.

01:14:00.000 I was out there, too.

01:14:01.000 I caught some waves.

01:14:02.000 How often does someone get taken?

01:14:04.000 They said, like, I feel like every year they said they hear about a shark bite.

01:14:07.000 Yeah.

01:14:08.000 Or the drownings happen often, I think, because a lot of tourists are there.

01:14:13.000 Let's find out.

01:14:14.000 How many people get bitten by sharks every year?

01:14:19.000 And we'll look at that first, and then we'll go to just Hawaii.

01:14:22.000 Yeah.

01:14:23.000 I know Florida, it's been happening more and more.

01:14:25.000 If you had to guess, yeah, it's been happening more and more.

01:14:27.000 I would say...

01:14:27.000 How many people get bit every year?

01:14:29.000 40 a year in Hawaii.

01:14:30.000 30?

01:14:31.000 40?

01:14:32.000 Really?

01:14:32.000 In Hawaii?

01:14:33.000 I don't think it's that many.

01:14:34.000 I mean, in the United States.

01:14:35.000 Oh, in the whole country.

01:14:36.000 Yeah, and I would say 10 to 20 in Florida and the rest in Hawaii.

01:14:43.000 I think 20 a year.

01:14:45.000 Yeah, I would say 40 total and 20 in the East Coast and the West Coast.

01:14:49.000 I want to say it's less than 10 a year in this country.

01:14:54.000 I think since the water's gotten warmer, they're coming in closer now.

01:14:59.000 Yeah, I mean, maybe.

01:15:01.000 There's been more lately, I think.

01:15:03.000 Also, like, we stopped eating shark fin soup and they got cocky.

01:15:06.000 Yeah, we should go back.

01:15:07.000 I heard it's really good for you.

01:15:09.000 Shark fin soup?

01:15:11.000 Yeah, that was part of the problem.

01:15:13.000 One of the reasons why people started saying that you shouldn't kill sharks is because they were killing a lot of sharks and then just chopping their fins off to make shark fin soup.

01:15:23.000 It's a delicacy.

01:15:25.000 I wonder if it's good.

01:15:26.000 Not only is it a delicacy, my dad told me to correct this because I used to say on a podcast that shark fin cured my asthma, but it wasn't shark fin, it was shark liver oil.

01:15:34.000 So he wanted me to correct that one.

01:15:36.000 It was very important to him.

01:15:37.000 And he said that a lot of people use shark fin as a like...

01:15:44.000 Aphrodisiac?

01:15:44.000 Dick lengthening?

01:15:46.000 What's that medicine? 0.99

01:15:48.000 That you take for Viagra? 1.00

01:15:49.000 You get hard from the dick from shark fin? 1.00

01:15:52.000 But here's the thing. 0.99

01:15:53.000 They say that about everything that's endangered.

01:15:54.000 That they want people to take because men will take it.

01:15:57.000 It's like rhino horn. 1.00

01:15:59.000 That's what they say about fucking tiger paw. 0.99

01:16:02.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 1.00

01:16:03.000 I mean, men will do anything to keep their dicks hard. 1.00

01:16:05.000 They'll get rid of rhinos. 1.00

01:16:07.000 Before Viagra, they were fucking terrified. 0.99

01:16:09.000 They're like, what is happening? 0.99

01:16:11.000 What do I got?

01:16:12.000 I got nothing.

01:16:13.000 I got nothing going on now.

01:16:15.000 Yeah.

01:16:15.000 And so then they're like, someone needs to get rhino horn.

01:16:19.000 I heard the sin of a shark.

01:16:21.000 They sit around the campfire and drink rhino horn.

01:16:24.000 They're like, which animal should we punish for this?

01:16:26.000 We've got shark facts from Field and Stream.

01:16:28.000 Let's go.

01:16:29.000 There's some interesting ones.

01:16:30.000 Okay.

01:16:30.000 First of all, you're seven times more likely to be hit by lightning than be bitten at all by a shark.

01:16:36.000 Yeah, that makes sense.

01:16:36.000 Okay, but that's not that many more times.

01:16:38.000 I also was trying to figure out how they've checked some of these numbers.

01:16:42.000 In 2022, there's 57 unprovoked shark attacks.

01:16:46.000 What is a provoked shark attack?

01:16:48.000 Probably fishing for a shark.

01:16:50.000 You're trying to catch it and then it bites you.

01:16:52.000 There's different numbers for that I checked.

01:16:54.000 I was going to save that for the end.

01:16:55.000 Okay.

01:16:56.000 70 unprovoked shark attacks annually, leading to between five and six deaths per year.

01:17:01.000 2022, there were 57 such attacks, a 10-year low.

01:17:04.000 So while the risk is certainly there, it's relatively small.

01:17:07.000 Here's a breakdown of how many shark attacks per year take place based on the latest information.

01:17:12.000 So it gives countries first and then states.

01:17:13.000 Before I showed you states, I was going to let you guess because it's a little surprising.

01:17:17.000 States?

01:17:18.000 Yeah.

01:17:18.000 The most attacks.

01:17:19.000 Yeah.

01:17:19.000 Okay.

01:17:20.000 North Carolina.

01:17:22.000 It's in the top five.

01:17:23.000 California.

01:17:24.000 It's not in the top five, I don't think.

01:17:26.000 It only showed seven.

01:17:28.000 Florida.

01:17:29.000 Florida's number one, obviously.

01:17:30.000 So what would be number two?

01:17:32.000 California.

01:17:33.000 South Carolina.

01:17:34.000 New York?

01:17:34.000 New York, really?

01:17:36.000 New York's number two.

01:17:37.000 New York's a wild guess.

01:17:39.000 So it shows New York number two at eight.

01:17:41.000 Hawaii, dude!

01:17:44.000 Hawaii, five, but only one fatality.

01:17:48.000 I wasn't even thinking Alabama.

01:17:51.000 These numbers were from Florida's information from UF, Florida University.

01:17:55.000 Texas is crazy.

01:17:56.000 But how can you get bit by a shark? 0.73

01:17:58.000 Unprovoked bites.

01:17:59.000 If you get bit by a shark in Texas, you're just unlucky.

01:18:02.000 I don't know what to say. 1.00

01:18:03.000 You're an idiot. 1.00

01:18:04.000 We have sharks out there. 1.00

01:18:06.000 We have beaches down in a tiny part of Texas.

01:18:08.000 Really?

01:18:09.000 Yeah, but they have like boat bites. 1.00

01:18:11.000 There's four boat bites.

01:18:12.000 That they bite boats?

01:18:13.000 Like that one that we played?

01:18:14.000 Unprovoked bites is also divers, Joe.

01:18:18.000 People that go into their environment and then get attacked.

01:18:20.000 Not people that are just swimming on the beach.

01:18:24.000 Right.

01:18:24.000 Which makes sense.

01:18:26.000 Also, I don't know.

01:18:27.000 While unhooking or removing.

01:18:29.000 Trying to touch sharks.

01:18:29.000 Yeah.

01:18:31.000 Bites on spear fishers.

01:18:32.000 Bites on people attempting to feed sharks.

01:18:34.000 Like that guy who lost his pinky.

01:18:35.000 Do you think he reported that?

01:18:37.000 Yeah.

01:18:37.000 Good call.

01:18:38.000 Right.

01:18:39.000 Right.

01:18:39.000 Have you spearfished, Joe?

01:18:41.000 No, I have not.

01:18:42.000 It's supposed to be really fun.

01:18:43.000 It's awesome.

01:18:44.000 It looks awesome.

01:18:45.000 I really want to do it.

01:18:46.000 Yeah.

01:18:47.000 It looks really fun.

01:18:48.000 It's like archery underwater.

01:18:50.000 Yeah.

01:18:50.000 That's what most of my friends have done.

01:18:52.000 Everyone says it's so fun.

01:18:54.000 I have a lot of friends that spearfish in Florida.

01:18:57.000 Yeah, I mean, Florida is an awesome place to do it, right?

01:19:01.000 There's these videos of this girl on TikTok, and she swims in her grandparents' Everglades.

01:19:07.000 What?

01:19:07.000 Oh, and there's another dude, and he literally goes into the Everglades barefoot at night and waddles in the water and picks up snakes and bugs and frogs, and it's his whole TikTok.

01:19:16.000 He's an 18-year-old kid, and he's picking up baby sharks, and he's like, oh, uh-uh, look over there. 0.91

01:19:22.000 And then it'll be like, argh, and it's like a huge fucking alligator coming to pick up its baby. 1.00

01:19:28.000 He's nuts. 1.00

01:19:29.000 He's nuts. 1.00

01:19:29.000 It's a whole TikTok. 1.00

01:19:30.000 I started following him.

01:19:32.000 It's like Steve Irwin energy?

01:19:32.000 It's Steve Irwin if Steve Irwin was making the worst choices of his life.

01:19:36.000 He's picking up poisonous snakes.

01:19:38.000 Eventually he's gonna get it.

01:19:39.000 Yeah.

01:19:40.000 He's gonna get it.

01:19:41.000 Dude, I almost got eaten by an alligator when I was eight years old.

01:19:43.000 Camping with my friend.

01:19:45.000 My best friend's mom dared us to jump into the water at night into the Everglades.

01:19:49.000 We were in the springs of Florida.

01:19:52.000 That's a crazy thing to dare your children to do.

01:19:54.000 Yeah.

01:19:54.000 She was on...

01:19:55.000 She was on Mommy Wine on vacation and was like, I dare you guys to jump into the springs because the thing is, anybody who's from Florida knows if you're at the springs, you can canoe through the part that's like the Everglades and there's sharks and stuff, and then you go off and there's side springs that are clear and you can see through them and you can swim there,

01:20:12.000 but you should know that maybe a gator could show up, but you can see.

01:20:16.000 Right.

01:20:17.000 So that's where we'd swim and stuff.

01:20:18.000 And so the giant swimming hole you could see through. 0.99

01:20:20.000 But at night, she just had us fucking in there. 1.00

01:20:22.000 Is this the Everglades kid, I think? 0.96

01:20:23.000 I mean, this is a videographer who's making really cool videos in Everglades.

01:20:26.000 No, I've seen this guy too, but this is not my kid.

01:20:29.000 Who's that guy?

01:20:30.000 He's only 19. What's that guy's name?

01:20:32.000 Lucas Martinez?

01:20:33.000 Luca Martinez?

01:20:34.000 I've seen this kid's stuff.

01:20:35.000 LucaMartinez.fl.

01:20:36.000 This stuff is amazing, though.

01:20:37.000 Yeah, he makes incredible videos.

01:20:39.000 But look at him, just in the Everglades.

01:20:41.000 He's got a drone.

01:20:42.000 Oh, that's badass.

01:20:44.000 Yeah, his footage is wild. 0.99

01:20:46.000 Holy shit, this is incredible. 0.99

01:20:49.000 Oh my god. 1.00

01:20:50.000 Yeah.

01:20:51.000 This is incredible footage.

01:20:52.000 The other kid, you should pull him up.

01:20:54.000 Look at that alligator swimming in the water.

01:20:57.000 His videos are beautiful.

01:20:59.000 How badass is that footage?

01:21:01.000 I know.

01:21:02.000 And he's so young.

01:21:03.000 That's pretty cool.

01:21:04.000 Yeah.

01:21:05.000 That's a cool thing to get interested in.

01:21:07.000 Yeah.

01:21:09.000 I was trying to find it.

01:21:10.000 He has that video on his side of those two bears going after it.

01:21:14.000 That's one of the wildest videos ever.

01:21:17.000 Watch these two bears just fighting over mating rights.

01:21:21.000 No.

01:21:23.000 Bears fight crazy, too.

01:21:24.000 They fight with jiu-jitsu.

01:21:25.000 They have a guard.

01:21:27.000 They do. 1.00

01:21:27.000 Yeah, they're trying to trip each other and shit. 1.00

01:21:29.000 Yeah, you can see them grab each other's shoulders. 1.00

01:21:31.000 Bears fight crazy.

01:21:32.000 He's got his own footage from there.

01:21:33.000 Oh, he's got his own footage from Alaska as well?

01:21:35.000 Wow.

01:21:36.000 Oh, wow.

01:21:37.000 Wow, look at that bear.

01:21:39.000 This kid should work for National Geographic.

01:21:42.000 Maybe he might.

01:21:42.000 I think he might.

01:21:43.000 Maybe just keep doing this for himself.

01:21:45.000 Yeah.

01:21:46.000 Don't let anybody tell you what to do.

01:21:47.000 You're doing it perfect.

01:21:48.000 He is, actually.

01:21:49.000 Yeah.

01:21:50.000 You're right, Joe.

01:21:51.000 That's a good lesson.

01:21:54.000 That's a wild place.

01:21:55.000 You ever been to Alaska?

01:21:56.000 No, I've never been.

01:21:57.000 Oh my God, it's so amazing.

01:21:58.000 I've heard it's amazing.

01:22:00.000 It's crazy.

01:22:01.000 And the people there are different.

01:22:03.000 Is that where the Northern Lights are?

01:22:04.000 They definitely have them up there in some places.

01:22:06.000 Yeah?

01:22:07.000 Yeah, some parts of the...

01:22:08.000 I think the best place to see them...

01:22:10.000 Isn't it in like... 0.99

01:22:11.000 Norway or some shit? 1.00

01:22:12.000 Yeah, like Iceland and shit like that. 0.99

01:22:14.000 Yeah.

01:22:14.000 That's the best place.

01:22:15.000 Yeah, that makes sense.

01:22:16.000 It's supposed to be amazing.

01:22:19.000 I want to go.

01:22:19.000 It sounds a little cold.

01:22:21.000 I usually, if I have a choice to go somewhere, it's usually a warm water area.

01:22:25.000 Yeah.

01:22:25.000 I'm a water girl.

01:22:27.000 It's a tough sell to go and suffer on a vacation.

01:22:29.000 Yeah, just for a beautiful view.

01:22:31.000 Fairbanks, Alaska.

01:22:31.000 Look at that.

01:22:32.000 I mean, I have to see that once. 1.00

01:22:34.000 Holy fuck, man. 0.99

01:22:34.000 It's one of the best places in the world to see them. 0.99

01:22:36.000 Oh, Fairbanks.

01:22:37.000 Beautiful.

01:22:37.000 Wow.

01:22:38.000 Are they selling it?

01:22:39.000 Is this Fairbanks Times?

01:22:40.000 No, no.

01:22:42.000 Fairbanks.com.

01:22:43.000 Oh, my God.

01:22:44.000 Look at that.

01:22:45.000 That looks awesome. 1.00

01:22:46.000 Fuck. 1.00

01:22:47.000 Fairbanks, Alaska it is. 1.00

01:22:48.000 Norway.

01:22:49.000 Catch me there.

01:22:51.000 We should do a JRE trip.

01:22:53.000 Oh my god. 0.99

01:22:54.000 We'll go up there with a fucking giant crew of people. 0.99

01:22:57.000 That'd be so fun. 0.99

01:22:58.000 That'd be so magical.

01:22:59.000 A bunch of mushrooms in Norway?

01:23:00.000 That's the Iceland place.

01:23:02.000 How do you say that word?

01:23:03.000 Reykjavik?

01:23:03.000 Reykjavik.

01:23:04.000 A bunch of lion's mane.

01:23:05.000 Iceland.

01:23:07.000 Look at that.

01:23:09.000 Wow. 0.99

01:23:11.000 Sick. 1.00

01:23:13.000 And that's like not even a bullshit CGI filter. 0.99

01:23:16.000 I mean, if I saw that and I didn't know what it was, I'd be like the aliens. 0.96

01:23:19.000 They're here!

01:23:19.000 That's it.

01:23:20.000 My dad is claiming he's seeing aliens every night.

01:23:23.000 He's a fisherman, so he lives in the water.

01:23:25.000 But he's claiming he sees aliens, and he's letting other people know, and there's Facebook groups about it, and he can see them at night, and they have a ship, and it's doing a repetitive thing in the sky, and all these people are trying to take pictures of it, and they can't, and he's got this whole thing about it.

01:23:39.000 He's been calling me consistently about it.

01:23:40.000 Jeff loves to talk aliens. 0.99

01:23:42.000 Yeah, because he lives in the ocean pretty much at night, so he's like, I've seen crazy shit. 1.00

01:23:48.000 I believe him. 0.99

01:23:49.000 Yeah.

01:23:50.000 He says that there's like a ship.

01:23:52.000 It looks like a ship in the sky almost.

01:23:54.000 And he says...

01:23:55.000 I don't even remember.

01:23:56.000 When he explains it to me, it sounds like a dad trying to...

01:23:59.000 He's like, the carburetor.

01:24:01.000 It's like on a...

01:24:02.000 He's like saying things like that.

01:24:04.000 And I'm like, okay.

01:24:05.000 And he keeps saying that there's like a repetitive process.

01:24:08.000 Like he could see the ships ran by an energy and then it builds and builds and then almost explodes.

01:24:13.000 Yeah.

01:24:14.000 And then it gets ran by the same energy again.

01:24:16.000 He's like, I'm watching it, how it's running and staying going.

01:24:19.000 Did he film this?

01:24:20.000 He said he tried to film it and it doesn't come out on his phone very well.

01:24:22.000 And he's like, I keep posting what I filmed online and people are calling me crazy because they can't really see what I'm saying. 0.99

01:24:27.000 He needs a Samsung phone so you can zoom in on that motherfucker. 0.99

01:24:30.000 I don't think he even has the latest iPhone. 0.99

01:24:32.000 He doesn't even have a phone with a good camera.

01:24:35.000 He's like an old fisherman. 0.95

01:24:37.000 Right.

01:24:38.000 That's probably part of it too.

01:24:39.000 If you keep seeing it though, you should get him a camera.

01:24:42.000 I know.

01:24:43.000 Get him like a really good camera with a zoom lens.

01:24:47.000 Something where you could, like a little handy cam.

01:24:52.000 He said at one point he got so nervous, he kind of felt thankful he couldn't get a video.

01:24:57.000 He was like, I don't even know if I want to have the video.

01:24:59.000 Like, it makes me nervous to put it out.

01:25:02.000 He's fully convinced it's alien ships in the sky.

01:25:05.000 And he's like, I know I sound crazy.

01:25:07.000 Yeah, but it doesn't sound that crazy.

01:25:09.000 It doesn't.

01:25:10.000 See, I go back and forth on Aliens.

01:25:12.000 Jamie does, too.

01:25:13.000 We were just talking about it the other day.

01:25:15.000 Jamie was like, one day I'm in, and then two days later I'm like, nope, I'm out. 1.00

01:25:19.000 Fuck this. 1.00

01:25:20.000 I'm always in. 1.00

01:25:21.000 I think it's bullshit. 0.99

01:25:21.000 I'm always in. 0.99

01:25:22.000 Here's the thing.

01:25:25.000 I think there's a high possibility that the United States government has developed some sort of a drone that operates on a propulsion system that is not understood by the general public. 0.94

01:25:36.000 I think it's some sort of a gravity-defying propulsion system, which is something they theorized and they've been working on for a long fucking time.

01:25:45.000 This is something that they theorized a long time ago.

01:25:48.000 If I was the government and I had the ability to run secret programs...

01:25:52.000 What kind of system?

01:25:54.000 It would have to be something that instead of using a propulsion system like an internal combustion engine, which is like what rockets are and what gasoline powered cars are, essentially with rockets, you know, you're shooting something out the back that makes you go this way.

01:26:07.000 What these things are doing is changing gravity around them. 0.93

01:26:13.000 That's what he said he's seeing.

01:26:14.000 That's what he said.

01:26:15.000 He said it looks like it's using the energy from the gravity as a vacuum and then spitting it back out.

01:26:20.000 What these things supposedly can do is the way it's described by Bob Lazar, who is this gentleman who claimed to work at Area 51, Area S4. If you had like a soft mattress and you put a bowling ball in the mattress,

01:26:36.000 it would pull everything towards the bowling ball.

01:26:39.000 And what these things are doing is finding a point in space and pulling space and time together.

01:26:47.000 Whoa! 0.71

01:26:48.000 So they're moving at insane rates of speed.

01:26:53.000 The question is, if they have these things in the sky, and they've had them for a long time, if they've had them since the TikTok video, which was Commander David Fravor in 2004 off the coast of San Diego, They viewed this thing.

01:27:06.000 They had multiple jets that were viewing it, plus there was two other sources of data, including video.

01:27:13.000 So they had radar on this thing that made it go from—they showed it went from 50,000 feet above sea level, above 50,000 feet, to about 50 in a second, or less than a second.

01:27:25.000 As quick as it took to register, this thing had appeared.

01:27:28.000 And then they go to where this thing is.

01:27:31.000 They see it hovering over something that looks like a ship that's underwater.

01:27:35.000 The thing turns towards them.

01:27:37.000 They have this thing on video and then takes off at a rate of speed that if there was people inside of it, they would become jelly.

01:27:45.000 The gravity would literally turn you into pink mist.

01:27:48.000 Right, like it can't be human.

01:27:50.000 And this thing just...

01:27:51.000 Pink mist?

01:27:52.000 That was visceral.

01:27:52.000 This thing just disappears.

01:27:55.000 Tim Burchette tells Tucker Carlson, he's talking to Speaker Johnson about UFO Disclosure Act.

01:28:00.000 He says, all I want is transparency.

01:28:02.000 We're not going to bring in a UFO. We're not going to bring in little green men, the Tennessee congressman said about his legislation.

01:28:10.000 Look how angry they all look.

01:28:12.000 Everyone calm down.

01:28:13.000 But here's the thing.

01:28:14.000 If these guys are Congress, right?

01:28:17.000 If Congress...

01:28:19.000 Is not being given access to something that the military has.

01:28:24.000 They're like, why?

01:28:25.000 We're supposed to oversee all this.

01:28:28.000 You're supposed to run your budgets through us.

01:28:31.000 We're supposed to be informed.

01:28:34.000 You can't hide this.

01:28:35.000 Well, maybe the aliens are above Congress.

01:28:38.000 I think they probably thought they were for a long time, but I think they're saying that that's not legal.

01:28:42.000 Not that aliens are breaking the law.

01:28:45.000 No, the congressmen are saying that the people that are hiding this information from them are breaking the law.

01:28:51.000 You've got to tell Congress what's going on with aliens so they can make some good choices.

01:28:56.000 Well, I mean, I would want to know.

01:28:57.000 If I was a congressman, I would want to know.

01:29:00.000 Can we get these guys to tell us? 1.00

01:29:03.000 Tell me what the fuck is going on. 1.00

01:29:05.000 Is this bullshit so I can just ignore it? 1.00

01:29:07.000 Some sort of psyop? 1.00

01:29:08.000 I'm not a congresswoman and I still want to fucking know. 0.98

01:29:11.000 I've had members of Congress say, Burchette, we need to be on something important, a congressman said. 0.97

01:29:18.000 Well, let me ask you, what's more important than something in our airspace buzzing, 50, 60 million aircraft putting American pilots at risk?

01:29:26.000 50, 60 million?

01:29:27.000 What?

01:29:28.000 That's a lot.

01:29:31.000 That we don't know who it is or what it is, and then we have a government that claims they don't exist?

01:29:36.000 What is he saying?

01:29:37.000 50, 60 million aircraft putting American pilots at risk?

01:29:41.000 It's a little hard to read his words.

01:29:42.000 He might have been saying multiple things at once and they just put the words together.

01:29:45.000 No, I think I see what he's saying.

01:29:47.000 If I phrased it differently or if I used different intonation.

01:29:51.000 I think he's saying there's 50, 60 million aircraft are out there and putting American pilots at risk.

01:29:57.000 I think he's probably saying that.

01:29:59.000 Oh, okay.

01:29:59.000 He's saying there's a bunch of planes going.

01:30:01.000 There's so many planes.

01:30:01.000 He's putting them at risk.

01:30:03.000 Even 60 million planes is kind of crazy. 0.88

01:30:04.000 I think he's crazy.

01:30:05.000 It's a little crazy. 0.52

01:30:06.000 Bro, have you seen JetBlue?

01:30:08.000 They're hurting.

01:30:08.000 They have four flights, please.

01:30:11.000 Please.

01:30:11.000 Yeah, Spirit Airlines.

01:30:12.000 I can't get to Texas without doing two stops now. 1.00

01:30:16.000 Spirit Airlines will fuck you up. 0.99

01:30:18.000 I haven't even looked spirits away in a while. 0.99

01:30:21.000 Once you start making money, a little bit.

01:30:22.000 Not even making money. 1.00

01:30:23.000 It's 20 extra dollars to not have to deal with their shit. 0.99

01:30:26.000 It's really, by the time you pay for your bags and the waters. 0.99

01:30:29.000 They have the best videos of fights, though.

01:30:30.000 The best videos of fights takes place.

01:30:32.000 They have the best drama.

01:30:34.000 Of course.

01:30:35.000 A new guy, Karen, recently went viral.

01:30:39.000 He snatched a phone.

01:30:41.000 He was getting kicked off the plane and someone was recording it and he snatched the girl's phone on the way out and started deleting her video.

01:30:47.000 Spirit Airlines is like a Black Friday sale all the time.

01:30:52.000 People are fighting over toilet paper during COVID. Black Friday was like, this was the first Thanksgiving they were saying that it wasn't like insane.

01:31:02.000 Oh really?

01:31:02.000 No, nobody was.

01:31:03.000 The economy's fucked up right now. 0.99

01:31:04.000 Inflation! 0.99

01:31:05.000 That's how you know it's bad.

01:31:06.000 If we're behaving on Black Friday, you know things are getting bad.

01:31:09.000 Yeah, the economy sucks right now for a lot of people.

01:31:12.000 That's why it's so offensive when you see the White House going to be like, economy is fantastic!

01:31:16.000 We've created more jobs!

01:31:18.000 What jobs?

01:31:19.000 What are you saying?

01:31:20.000 Eggs are $14.

01:31:22.000 What's that?

01:31:22.000 Eggs are so expensive.

01:31:24.000 I don't want to hear about the economy.

01:31:24.000 A lot of chickens died, unfortunately.

01:31:26.000 From what?

01:31:27.000 From avian flu or something.

01:31:29.000 There was a chicken die-off.

01:31:30.000 Well, they die off every few years.

01:31:31.000 There was also a fire at one of the chicken plants that killed something like 100,000 chickens.

01:31:37.000 I'm sorry.

01:31:37.000 Are all of our chickens coming from just a few plants?

01:31:40.000 Uh-huh.

01:31:41.000 Oh my god, well that's a problem.

01:31:43.000 I would imagine there's many places that provide eggs, but there are a lot of eggs that come from these massive plants.

01:31:49.000 Wait, I think we need to spread out the chicken a little.

01:31:52.000 When this one plant, like how many chickens died when this fire broke out?

01:31:56.000 Isn't this what happened to the Irish? 0.99

01:31:58.000 It was something bananas when they had to eat potatoes.

01:32:00.000 Yeah.

01:32:00.000 Potato famine?

01:32:01.000 They need to spread it out a little.

01:32:02.000 What happened with the Irish? 0.65

01:32:04.000 It was one thing got infected, one thing got, and then the whole crop was gone.

01:32:08.000 Oh.

01:32:09.000 And, but that's why we shouldn't keep everything we need in one place.

01:32:12.000 Mm-hmm.

01:32:14.000 Which is why I'm saying we need to spread the chickens.

01:32:16.000 But the reason why it's all in one place is because of corporations.

01:32:19.000 Yeah, man.

01:32:21.000 Capitalism, sweetie! 0.99

01:32:22.000 Yeah, I fucking need communism. 0.99

01:32:24.000 Also, sometimes it can only grow and live in certain places, too. 0.99

01:32:30.000 Chickens?

01:32:31.000 No.

01:32:31.000 I don't know.

01:32:32.000 Those motherfuckers can live everywhere. 1.00

01:32:33.000 The Connecticut Chicken Fire factory farm killed 100,000 egg-laying hens. 1.00

01:32:38.000 There are, according to the USDA, 372 million egg-laying hens in the United States.

01:32:44.000 Oh my god, there's more egg-laying hens than there are people.

01:32:47.000 Yeah, I was going to say, is it inhumane of me to be like, 100,000 is not that bad?

01:32:51.000 I feel like there's a lot of chickens.

01:32:53.000 Well, there are a lot of chickens.

01:32:55.000 I saw $100,000 in Puerto Rico in April when I was there.

01:32:59.000 Yeah, Puerto Rico.

01:33:00.000 Hawaii has that too.

01:33:02.000 Yeah, Kauai.

01:33:03.000 I like that.

01:33:04.000 The roosters are kind of hot.

01:33:05.000 They're way hotter than the hens. 0.99

01:33:07.000 Sarah was taking so many pictures of roosters, I almost called the police on her.

01:33:11.000 I was like, stop looking at the roosters like that.

01:33:12.000 That's a handsome She was like, I like that he's showing off for the women.

01:33:15.000 I was like, okay.

01:33:17.000 We need to go find men.

01:33:18.000 Who makes that song, Here Comes the Rooster?

01:33:20.000 Is that Alice in Chains? 1.00

01:33:24.000 That's a good fucking song. 1.00

01:33:31.000 That's a good fucking song. 1.00

01:33:33.000 Yeah, that is a good one. 1.00

01:33:34.000 Because roosters are hot. 1.00

01:33:36.000 These motherfuckers made the kind of music that you make when you're doing a lot of drugs. 1.00

01:33:41.000 I wish I could have partied and went to a heavy metal concert in the 80s. 1.00

01:33:47.000 Alice in Chains I wouldn't consider heavy metal.

01:33:49.000 No?

01:33:49.000 No.

01:33:50.000 They're more like...

01:33:50.000 I would say more like grunge metal.

01:33:53.000 Grunge rock.

01:33:54.000 Yeah.

01:33:55.000 Yeah.

01:33:57.000 When they were starting, they didn't know what grunge was, I don't think, so they weren't calling it that.

01:34:01.000 Yeah, they were just doing I'm depressed music.

01:34:02.000 They just called it rock then?

01:34:04.000 I live in Seattle and I do heroin music.

01:34:07.000 Was this called standard rock?

01:34:09.000 They would just call it rock music? 0.98

01:34:10.000 Well, when grunge came along, it fucked up like hair bands, that's for sure. 0.96

01:34:16.000 Because it was so real. 0.86

01:34:17.000 So before that, no disrespect to hair bands.

01:34:21.000 I don't even know what that is.

01:34:23.000 Like poison.

01:34:23.000 In the 80s.

01:34:24.000 You know, that kind of stuff.

01:34:25.000 Guys wearing makeup.

01:34:26.000 They had crazy hair.

01:34:28.000 Kiss.

01:34:28.000 No, they were wearing crazy makeup to hide their face.

01:34:31.000 Like Def Leppard?

01:34:32.000 These guys were wearing eyeliner and lipstick.

01:34:34.000 Oh, I see.

01:34:34.000 It was like glam.

01:34:36.000 And they had big fucking hair. 1.00

01:34:37.000 Okay. 1.00

01:34:38.000 It was a show.

01:34:39.000 And they were wearing like tight leather pants.

01:34:42.000 Yeah.

01:34:42.000 So that was like hair bands.

01:34:44.000 Oh, I see.

01:34:44.000 It was superficial songs.

01:34:46.000 And then all of a sudden Nirvana came along. 0.98

01:34:48.000 And Nirvana came along and just put the fucking stopper on the whole hair band generation. 0.99

01:34:54.000 It just... 0.98

01:34:56.000 We can't do a crash because Nirvana was so good. 0.99

01:34:59.000 People were like, what the fuck is this? 0.98

01:35:01.000 This makes me think different. 1.00

01:35:03.000 This music is insane.

01:35:04.000 They felt something for the first time.

01:35:06.000 They had eyeliner in the hand.

01:35:07.000 They slowly put it down.

01:35:09.000 They're like, oh.

01:35:10.000 I would specifically work out to Nirvana.

01:35:13.000 It hits different.

01:35:14.000 If you do a cycling class to Nirvana, it's amazing.

01:35:19.000 For sure.

01:35:19.000 There's real pain in that music.

01:35:21.000 Yeah, it's beautiful.

01:35:23.000 There's something in...

01:35:25.000 Some people just have the ability through their music to just make you feel different.

01:35:32.000 They've come to snuff the rooster.

01:35:37.000 Yeah, they were on drugs.

01:35:39.000 The video is a Vietnam war footage footio.

01:35:42.000 Yeah, here come the rooster.

01:35:52.000 Tim Kennedy used to fight in the UFC. He used to always come into this song.

01:35:57.000 And he would walk into the octagon at that moment.

01:36:01.000 Like you would time it.

01:36:04.000 That song's pretty good though.

01:36:06.000 It's a badass song. 0.98

01:36:09.000 If you're doing cardio, you will ramp up your fucking pace when you hear this song. 0.98

01:36:14.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:36:15.000 Well, yeah, you have to do it for America, apparently.

01:36:18.000 If you don't do it, you don't love your country.

01:36:21.000 If you don't come to snuff the rooster when you go to the gym, are you even working out?

01:36:28.000 That's about Vietnam, too, which is a tough one to be on side of America.

01:36:33.000 I'm up for the troops, but get out of there.

01:36:37.000 Who sent you there?

01:36:38.000 It's a lot of stuff like that for me.

01:36:40.000 That's the scariest one, because they did it on a false flag.

01:36:42.000 The rooster was Jerry Cantrell Sr. Who served with the US Army during the Vietnam War.

01:36:47.000 Rooster was a childhood nickname.

01:36:51.000 The war is like space to me.

01:36:52.000 I'm like, if I can't physically go see what's happening, I don't know.

01:36:57.000 I don't know.

01:36:59.000 I guess you could fluff up the pictures.

01:37:03.000 The Vietnam War is a weird one.

01:37:05.000 Because that one, they literally faked an attack to get us to go to Vietnam. 0.61

01:37:10.000 You know, I hate to be on mushrooms about it, but why when we don't have to?

01:37:15.000 We could all just be happy.

01:37:17.000 Well, the problem is, it seems like the default behavior of human beings, when they get control over giant groups of human beings, is to control them tightly, more tightly than ever, every time, and then also try to invade.

01:37:33.000 Try to steal other people's resources, try to control something.

01:37:36.000 It's so barbaric.

01:37:37.000 It's very Roman Empire of us.

01:37:40.000 And just not.

01:37:42.000 I think it's possible to have not...

01:37:45.000 But I think it's gonna require the next stage of whatever human beings are currently doing right now.

01:37:50.000 People scoff at the thought of world peace.

01:37:52.000 No, we need an evolution, like a spiritual awakening, like a deeper...

01:37:57.000 We need a restart.

01:37:58.000 It seems very...

01:37:59.000 We need tomorrow.

01:38:01.000 It seems very early man to just be blowing each other up.

01:38:04.000 You know what I mean?

01:38:05.000 Like it doesn't seem very evolved of us.

01:38:07.000 We shouldn't have iPhones and be blowing each other up.

01:38:10.000 It seems very low vibrational.

01:38:12.000 Very low vibrational.

01:38:13.000 It's not what a jellyfish would do.

01:38:15.000 I think human beings are all going to connect in the near future, like within the next 50 years.

01:38:20.000 We're going to connect through something that we carry around or have an implant.

01:38:25.000 It's the aliens.

01:38:26.000 And it locks us into each other.

01:38:29.000 And if you could do that, it would make war impossible.

01:38:32.000 It would be literally like sharing thoughts with each other.

01:38:35.000 Shared consciousness.

01:38:35.000 Yeah.

01:38:36.000 I would think it would change the way people feel about people.

01:38:40.000 You would know everything about everyone.

01:38:42.000 There'd be no more secrets.

01:38:44.000 Everything you're thinking, whoever you are, what your essence is, what your motivation really is, what your thoughts really are, everyone will see everything.

01:38:55.000 You know, I've always said that people could look into my brain because I feel like I'm pretty straightforward.

01:38:59.000 Whatever I say is how I'm Yeah, you're not really like a mixing up words type of person.

01:39:06.000 But it's very different than being able to understand how you think.

01:39:09.000 I would rather that people see in my head because I feel like I'm actually so straightforward that people think that there's more inside and it's actually meaner than it is.

01:39:18.000 But I'm like, oh no, this is like all of it.

01:39:20.000 Like when I say something and people are like, oh, that was kind of blunt.

01:39:22.000 She must be holding a lot in.

01:39:23.000 I'm like, no, that was it.

01:39:24.000 That was it.

01:39:25.000 I'm telling you the truth.

01:39:26.000 I'm just not fluffing anything.

01:39:27.000 No, because the way Kim texts, right when we first became friends, I was like, is she matched?

01:39:32.000 She'll just be like, okay, with a period. 0.67

01:39:34.000 I'm like, okay in a heart.

01:39:36.000 She's like, wonderful morning.

01:39:37.000 If the skies are blue, then so are you.

01:39:39.000 Would you like a taco?

01:39:40.000 Mrs. Waffle.

01:39:41.000 And I'm like, egg taco.

01:39:43.000 I'm like, XO! She talks like a dude.

01:39:45.000 Yeah, she talks like a dude. 0.89

01:39:47.000 Yeah, I just don't have time.

01:39:49.000 I get it.

01:39:50.000 I would rather a phone call, personally.

01:39:52.000 That's all Joey Diaz does.

01:39:54.000 He texts a little now.

01:39:56.000 I text him very rarely.

01:39:57.000 I love you.

01:39:58.000 Things like that.

01:39:59.000 Yeah.

01:40:00.000 But he likes to call.

01:40:02.000 I'm not going to lie.

01:40:02.000 The first time I got a text from Joey, I was shocked.

01:40:04.000 I know.

01:40:05.000 I was like, I didn't even know he knew how to do that.

01:40:06.000 He used to get mad at us.

01:40:07.000 He used to get mad. 1.00

01:40:07.000 Don't send me a fucking text message. 1.00

01:40:10.000 He'd get mad at you. 1.00

01:40:11.000 Yeah.

01:40:12.000 Because that was back when you had to do it with your thumbs.

01:40:15.000 You know, like T9. Remember?

01:40:17.000 Yeah.

01:40:17.000 Remember those days?

01:40:18.000 He's the only guy that calls me regularly just to check in.

01:40:22.000 Yeah, he's the best.

01:40:23.000 He's sweet.

01:40:23.000 Well, most of my people are friends.

01:40:24.000 I just see regularly.

01:40:26.000 But out of the people I don't see, he's...

01:40:27.000 I'll call you to check in.

01:40:29.000 A little too much.

01:40:32.000 A phone rang the other day at my friend's house.

01:40:36.000 They were like, that's Sarah, isn't it?

01:40:37.000 I was like, yeah, it's my old ball and chain.

01:40:40.000 Hold on.

01:40:40.000 I'm like, did you see the email?

01:40:42.000 I also texted you about the email.

01:40:44.000 She'll text me something, email it to me, and then call me to read me both the text and the email about all this.

01:40:49.000 I'm on it, sweetie.

01:40:50.000 I'm efficient.

01:40:51.000 I notice all the emails. 0.99

01:40:52.000 This bitch, she'll be like, oh, there's an email? 1.00

01:40:54.000 It's like, yeah, check your inbox. 0.99

01:40:56.000 I thought this podcast was tomorrow.

01:40:59.000 No, she actually did.

01:41:01.000 I am...

01:41:02.000 I mean...

01:41:03.000 We're literally a very...

01:41:04.000 Talk about trying to stay away from Adderall.

01:41:07.000 I am extremely ADD. I get overwhelmed by too much information, too many emails.

01:41:13.000 I also don't understand why Gmail's like the number one email thing, and when I click on the email, it doesn't immediately go to the latest email.

01:41:20.000 It goes to the top so that I have to scroll through every email to find what we're even... 0.98

01:41:25.000 Yeah, it's the worst fucking... 0.97

01:41:26.000 Are you talking about when you open a thread? 1.00

01:41:28.000 Yeah.

01:41:29.000 Oh.

01:41:29.000 Yeah, it doesn't go to the latest email.

01:41:32.000 Why?

01:41:32.000 If you're the biggest email company, why would that not be the thing?

01:41:38.000 Doesn't it?

01:41:39.000 I can barely understand what the problem is.

01:41:41.000 Yeah, this is so technical.

01:41:44.000 The way you're explaining it is just above us.

01:41:46.000 If I go to an email to find...

01:41:49.000 I have to pee so bad that I can't listen to this right now.

01:41:52.000 Go pee.

01:41:53.000 Okay, you guys talk amongst yourselves.

01:41:55.000 Yeah, yeah, go pee.

01:41:56.000 We'll hold it down.

01:41:57.000 We'll start our periods together.

01:41:59.000 Oh, hell yeah.

01:42:00.000 I'm gonna hit the salts. 1.00

01:42:02.000 Oh, fuck yeah. 1.00

01:42:04.000 Alright, ready? 1.00

01:42:05.000 Alright.

01:42:07.000 Give me a countdown.

01:42:08.000 Daddy's gone. 0.99

01:42:09.000 This bitch podcast anywhere on YouTube. 1.00

01:42:11.000 The takeover, guys. 0.99

01:42:11.000 The King Cognon takeover. 0.99

01:42:13.000 Shank.

01:42:13.000 Shank podcast.

01:42:15.000 I'm filming my special December 7th, Childless Milf. 0.89

01:42:18.000 And also, January 14th, Comedy Store, Main Room, This Bitch and Friends. 0.83

01:42:25.000 Also... 0.95

01:42:25.000 I hope this pee's long because we have a lot of plugs. 0.95

01:42:29.000 Two days after Christmas, Brea Improv.

01:42:42.000 Oh no, did you almost drink that?

01:42:45.000 Sometimes you want to promote a show and you accidentally try to drink your salts.

01:42:49.000 Dude. 0.98

01:42:53.000 That one fucked me up. 0.99

01:42:56.000 It looks like meth. 0.99

01:42:57.000 I'm not gonna lie.

01:42:57.000 The inside of it looks like something...

01:42:59.000 It's giving Breaking Bad.

01:43:00.000 Yeah, it looks like something that's been fossil.

01:43:02.000 Very Walter White.

01:43:05.000 Jamie, you want one?

01:43:06.000 Come on, Jamie!

01:43:08.000 Come on, Jamie!

01:43:08.000 Have some fun with the girls.

01:43:09.000 I almost started this thing.

01:43:11.000 I know exactly what it is.

01:43:13.000 I can't get into my other one because it's deviated.

01:43:18.000 That'll undeviate your septum. 0.99

01:43:22.000 I fucked up. 0.99

01:43:22.000 I'm sorry, I fucked up. 0.99

01:43:24.000 She looks like she's doing a guest star in Succession. 1.00

01:43:29.000 I fucked up. 1.00

01:43:29.000 Look at her outfit. 1.00

01:43:32.000 Don't hurt yourself.

01:43:33.000 I want daddy's business.

01:43:34.000 What?

01:43:35.000 I don't know, isn't that what Succession's about?

01:43:37.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, it is.

01:43:38.000 I want daddy's business.

01:43:39.000 I'm the eldest son.

01:43:41.000 We took it too far.

01:43:43.000 We took the salts too far.

01:43:45.000 Oh my god, I'm crying.

01:43:46.000 They're so strong.

01:43:47.000 My god.

01:43:48.000 You're not supposed to do two a day.

01:43:49.000 What?

01:43:50.000 She closed the nostril too.

01:43:51.000 That might be a deal.

01:43:52.000 You're not supposed to do two a day?

01:43:54.000 I think two a day is the maximum.

01:43:55.000 I'm dizzy.

01:43:56.000 Isn't two a day the maximum?

01:43:57.000 It suggests you don't do it more than twice in a day.

01:44:00.000 Suggests.

01:44:01.000 Your eyes are red.

01:44:02.000 Look at your eyes.

01:44:03.000 Oh my god. 0.95

01:44:04.000 Both of you, you look stoned.

01:44:06.000 We went through a lot while you were gone, dude.

01:44:08.000 Jesus.

01:44:08.000 I thought she ate it.

01:44:10.000 Wow.

01:44:10.000 We're off the salt, sweetie.

01:44:12.000 Yeah, I told you they're different.

01:44:14.000 But they're addicting.

01:44:16.000 Yeah, what's going on?

01:44:17.000 In a good way.

01:44:17.000 Why is that?

01:44:18.000 What's that about?

01:44:19.000 Well, this is good.

01:44:19.000 This hits where a comet needs to get hit.

01:44:24.000 It's a brain wake up.

01:44:25.000 Okay, here we go.

01:44:26.000 Yeah!

01:44:27.000 Yeah!

01:44:28.000 Yeah! 1.00

01:44:35.000 Oh shit, man. 1.00

01:44:37.000 It clears it out, right? 1.00

01:44:38.000 Doesn't it feel like you could fucking rip a tree out of the ground? 0.83

01:44:41.000 Oh, well that's why they use it before they deadlift. 0.96

01:44:44.000 That's what this is for.

01:44:46.000 Oh, that makes sense.

01:44:47.000 You could rip a tree out of the ground, actually.

01:44:50.000 How do you say his name?

01:44:51.000 Juju Mufu?

01:44:53.000 What?

01:44:53.000 This guy is...

01:44:54.000 Juju Mufu?

01:44:56.000 That's an insane name!

01:44:58.000 He's a super jacked powerlifter guy who does all these acrobatic things.

01:45:02.000 He's an amazing specimen, but this is his company.

01:45:06.000 Thank you, Juju Mufu!

01:45:08.000 Shout out to Juju Mufu! 0.99

01:45:10.000 Show who this guy is.

01:45:11.000 I love that name.

01:45:12.000 It rolls right off the tongue.

01:45:14.000 He's fine.

01:45:15.000 We're going to be okay.

01:45:15.000 I was reading to make sure we're fine.

01:45:17.000 Juju Mufu.

01:45:18.000 What is it like?

01:45:19.000 Is Juju Mufu single?

01:45:20.000 I don't like salt problems, just making sure you guys aren't going away.

01:45:23.000 Oh, can we get a problem?

01:45:25.000 People get problems, like addictions?

01:45:26.000 Toxic large concentrations for prolonged periods can be fatal, but that's not.

01:45:31.000 Oh, okay, we should know that.

01:45:33.000 I think Juju Mufu should give me a warning.

01:45:36.000 Show me Juju Mufu. 0.77

01:45:38.000 Yeah, this is not for everybody, you know?

01:45:41.000 I wouldn't give it to Keith Robinson.

01:45:46.000 This is Juju Mufu.

01:45:47.000 When I see him...

01:45:49.000 Full squats while he's pressing weight over his head.

01:45:51.000 Yeah, he's definitely on smelling stuff.

01:45:53.000 That's what it makes me feel like.

01:45:56.000 That's 100 kilos.

01:45:57.000 So that's 220 pounds over his head while he's doing a full split. 0.98

01:46:01.000 Juju Mufu's nuts! 0.88

01:46:03.000 I wasn't even ready for...

01:46:05.000 Look at that flexibility.

01:46:07.000 That's insane.

01:46:08.000 With that muscle mass?

01:46:09.000 Joe.

01:46:10.000 I told you.

01:46:11.000 Juju Mufu...

01:46:12.000 Yeah, I told you. 1.00

01:46:13.000 Another fucking level. 0.99

01:46:14.000 Okay, you told us that he owned the salt company, but you didn't tell us he was going to be full split. 1.00

01:46:19.000 I told you he was an athletic freak.

01:46:20.000 I did tell you he was an athletic freak.

01:46:22.000 Yeah, but once you see it, it hits different.

01:46:24.000 It does. 1.00

01:46:25.000 Well, you can see all the different shit that he does. 1.00

01:46:27.000 Wow, he is a freak. 1.00

01:46:28.000 Oh, he does a lot of wild shit. 1.00

01:46:29.000 Show some of the lifting stuff that he does. 0.99

01:46:31.000 Yeah, this is the kind of salts that Juju Mufu could handle, not me.

01:46:34.000 Juju Mufu, are you single?

01:46:36.000 So a guy like this...

01:46:38.000 They're carrying rocks. 0.98

01:46:39.000 This is a guy like this you would imagine would create a smelling salt that would fucking knock your teeth out. 0.94

01:46:45.000 When I see him, I'm like, maybe I should stop doing these salts. 0.97

01:46:49.000 Me too.

01:46:50.000 This is a real man, man.

01:46:52.000 That's a manly man.

01:46:53.000 That's a manly man.

01:46:54.000 Yeah.

01:46:56.000 This guy, imagine someone messing with this guy.

01:46:59.000 Imagine your ex-boyfriend comes with me and he's like, Hey, I heard you're dating my girlfriend and it's Juju Mufu.

01:47:05.000 No. 1.00

01:47:05.000 Besides that fucker. 1.00

01:47:06.000 Oh my god. 1.00

01:47:07.000 Oh, sorry.

01:47:08.000 What'd your husband do this morning?

01:47:10.000 Oh, he moved a boulder from the bottom of the road to the top of the road.

01:47:13.000 He had the salts and moved a boulder.

01:47:17.000 Ah, Juju Mufu.

01:47:19.000 I'm a fan.

01:47:20.000 Yeah.

01:47:20.000 I like...

01:47:23.000 If he was my man, I'd have him in a man bun. 0.98

01:47:25.000 I like any guy.

01:47:27.000 Maybe.

01:47:27.000 I like guys...

01:47:29.000 Put your hair up, Mufu! 1.00

01:47:32.000 If I'm with a guy, he has to be able to kill another man or I'm not into it. 0.92

01:47:37.000 Yeah, I'm like not into it at all.

01:47:39.000 If I think I could beat him up or he can't kill another man, I'm not.

01:47:42.000 I'm gone.

01:47:43.000 Well, that's also a problem with you've been doing jiu-jitsu for a while.

01:47:46.000 Yeah.

01:47:47.000 Once you've been doing jiu-jitsu for a while, you kind of...

01:47:50.000 It's hard to go back.

01:47:51.000 It's kind of like hanging out with comics.

01:47:55.000 You know, when you hang out with comics, sometimes it's hard to hang out with people who aren't comics.

01:47:58.000 It is true.

01:48:00.000 I've been dating guys who do MMA and it hits different.

01:48:04.000 I haven't trained in almost a year.

01:48:06.000 It literally hits different.

01:48:08.000 Yeah, they're animals.

01:48:09.000 I haven't trained in a while.

01:48:11.000 I'm going back.

01:48:11.000 Yeah?

01:48:12.000 Going back?

01:48:12.000 I'm going back.

01:48:13.000 I miss my school.

01:48:14.000 Not interested.

01:48:16.000 Not interested.

01:48:17.000 Yeah, it's not for everybody.

01:48:18.000 No.

01:48:18.000 I love that.

01:48:19.000 I have fake nails.

01:48:20.000 I get it.

01:48:21.000 You know?

01:48:21.000 Yeah.

01:48:22.000 It really tires me out.

01:48:24.000 Custom mothership nails.

01:48:25.000 Custom mothership, alien, and a UFO. Yeah, you can't do that in jujitsu.

01:48:30.000 Do you guys believe in UFOs?

01:48:32.000 What do you think?

01:48:32.000 Do you think your dad's crazy, or do you think your dad's telling the truth?

01:48:35.000 Both my parents have crazy claims that they've experienced aliens.

01:48:39.000 I don't know.

01:48:40.000 I believe in UFOs.

01:48:41.000 I believe it.

01:48:42.000 For sure.

01:48:42.000 Did you ever ask to go out with them?

01:48:45.000 On the boat?

01:48:46.000 Yeah.

01:48:46.000 No, I don't want to.

01:48:47.000 But what if he keeps seeing these things?

01:48:50.000 How often does he see them?

01:48:51.000 He says I don't even have to go out far to see them.

01:48:53.000 How often does he see them?

01:48:54.000 He saw them every night for three months.

01:48:57.000 Every night.

01:48:58.000 I'm sure I could call him right now.

01:48:59.000 Is this in Florida or Puerto Rico?

01:49:01.000 This is in Florida. 1.00

01:49:02.000 Holy shit. 1.00

01:49:03.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:49:03.000 He said he saw him every night. 1.00

01:49:05.000 He started putting him on Facebook pages and then other people started claiming they were seeing them and describing them the same way.

01:49:09.000 If you were going to do something, if you were from another planet, wouldn't you do something at night over the ocean?

01:49:16.000 Nobody would even be paying attention.

01:49:17.000 Yeah, that's exactly when I would do it.

01:49:19.000 That's when I would do it, too.

01:49:21.000 And especially you have bad phone service.

01:49:23.000 It's one of the places you know people don't have great phone service.

01:49:25.000 And a lot of fishermen don't have the best cameras and phones.

01:49:31.000 Here's the question.

01:49:33.000 What kind of satellite surveillance does the U.S. government currently have?

01:49:39.000 What can they see?

01:49:40.000 Because if they can see everything...

01:49:42.000 I think they're in this room right now.

01:49:44.000 They can see everything that's happening.

01:49:45.000 They definitely can do that.

01:49:47.000 But when you're looking at the Earth as a whole, can they see the whole ocean?

01:49:53.000 Can they see it in high definition?

01:49:55.000 What can they see?

01:49:55.000 Can they see through it like the fish swimming around?

01:49:58.000 Do they have to...

01:49:59.000 I don't think they can do that yet.

01:50:00.000 But do they have to be able to pinpoint on a coordinate and then make the satellite turn towards that area?

01:50:08.000 How does it work?

01:50:10.000 If someone sights a UFO, can they see it?

01:50:13.000 And if they can...

01:50:15.000 What do they have? 1.00

01:50:17.000 What videos do you motherfuckers have? 1.00

01:50:20.000 Five years ago, this will just give you one example. 0.99

01:50:23.000 This is just what's public on YouTube from five years ago.

01:50:26.000 This is going to zoom in on someone.

01:50:27.000 So this is a spy satellite?

01:50:29.000 Yeah, it'll zoom in on someone here at a bus stop right here.

01:50:32.000 Wow.

01:50:33.000 Enhance.

01:50:36.000 Enhance.

01:50:37.000 Enhance.

01:50:40.000 What?

01:50:41.000 And that's from that satellite.

01:50:43.000 Oh my god, they're zooming in from the sky.

01:50:47.000 I think you can get closer than this too, but this is like just...

01:50:50.000 That is in the sun.

01:50:53.000 They can read the text?

01:50:54.000 Maybe.

01:50:55.000 They could read the text on the phone from the satellite in the sky. 1.00

01:51:00.000 That is fucking nuts! 1.00

01:51:02.000 That is fucked up! 1.00

01:51:04.000 That just tripped me out! 1.00

01:51:06.000 No way!

01:51:08.000 Okay, so if they can do this, and if you're a fisherman, and you report the coordinates...

01:51:12.000 I just got chills throughout my entire body.

01:51:15.000 That's insane that they can do that.

01:51:17.000 Okay, so what I'm saying is, what do they see?

01:51:21.000 What aren't they?

01:51:22.000 Do they have any video of these things?

01:51:24.000 Like, imagine if they have high-resolution photographs like that of these crafts.

01:51:29.000 When I think about what they have, I feel like they're so far ahead.

01:51:34.000 They know so much that we look like...

01:51:36.000 Have you ever seen a kid trying to figure something out?

01:51:39.000 And you're like, it's so cute that they think that they're almost there.

01:51:42.000 We're like little ants.

01:51:43.000 Yeah, and they're like playing house in the kitchen.

01:51:45.000 They're like, I made a grilled cheese.

01:51:47.000 And you're like, that's really a grilled cheese.

01:51:48.000 Good job.

01:51:49.000 And it's not even like a sandwich.

01:51:51.000 They're not even making a grilled cheese in a real kitchen.

01:51:55.000 And they're like, so they think they made a meal.

01:51:57.000 I think that's what we look like to them.

01:51:59.000 We're like, do we think there's aliens?

01:52:00.000 And they're probably like the aliens like watching us.

01:52:04.000 Like, who knows?

01:52:06.000 Who knows?

01:52:06.000 I think they're so far beyond anything we could even comprehend.

01:52:10.000 Sometimes when I get high and I'm, like, on my laptop, I'm like, are they looking at me?

01:52:14.000 And then I'm like, I'm not that interesting to watch.

01:52:16.000 They cloned a sheep in the early 90s and never talked about it again.

01:52:19.000 Mm-hmm.

01:52:20.000 Never talked about it again.

01:52:22.000 What about people who clone their dogs?

01:52:24.000 There's a lot of people who clone their dogs now.

01:52:27.000 I love my dog.

01:52:28.000 I'd like to clone him.

01:52:28.000 But that's exactly what they want.

01:52:30.000 They want these conversations and not like, how advanced did they take that?

01:52:33.000 And then one day your dog's like sitting at the foot of your bed just staring at it in the middle of the night.

01:52:37.000 Scary!

01:52:37.000 And it barks, but its mouth doesn't move.

01:52:40.000 I don't like it.

01:52:41.000 I don't like it.

01:52:42.000 You got a new dog.

01:52:43.000 It's a clone.

01:52:45.000 It's Roscoe.

01:52:45.000 It's just like your old dog.

01:52:47.000 Roscoe's back.

01:52:48.000 Her dog is a reincarnated man. 0.98

01:52:51.000 I swear to God, he's like a perverted teenage boy. 0.95

01:52:54.000 I was changing the other day in her room. 0.96

01:52:57.000 No, I was changing the other day in her room into a bathing suit and it was just me and the dog.

01:53:02.000 And then I could feel something staring and I looked and the dog went...

01:53:05.000 Like, it got caught staring at me, and when I looked, it turned away.

01:53:09.000 When I was in high school, my friend Joe, Joe Spaggs, he had a dog that would aggressively hump his toys, and if you'd get anywhere near the toy, the dog would growl at you.

01:53:19.000 It was this little, tiny dog.

01:53:21.000 That's my lover.

01:53:22.000 He would bite his toy and just start hammering it in front of everybody.

01:53:28.000 Yeah, we had a toy like that, and a dog would hump the toys, and then the toys would be all crispy, and then me and my sisters would threaten to throw it at each other.

01:53:46.000 Yeah, they're the horniest ones. 1.00

01:53:47.000 One time I saw a Chihuahua at the dog park that humped and came in the air.

01:53:50.000 I swear.

01:53:51.000 I swear to God.

01:53:52.000 No.

01:53:52.000 I swear to God, dude.

01:53:54.000 The small dogs are the horniest. 0.98

01:53:55.000 He was just humping the air and cum was coming out of his body. 0.94

01:53:58.000 And the owner was so embarrassed and we were all like... 0.98

01:54:02.000 It was like weird to witness.

01:54:04.000 I never forgot it.

01:54:05.000 It traumatized me.

01:54:06.000 The chihuahua who came in the air.

01:54:07.000 Oh my God.

01:54:08.000 A chihuahua coming in the air?

01:54:11.000 I swear I'll never forget that little guy.

01:54:13.000 That's insane.

01:54:14.000 And then he said, you'll hear a taco bell.

01:54:15.000 He comes in the air.

01:54:17.000 When I was in college, I had a dog with my boyfriend and we were at the dog park and the dog pooped out a condom.

01:54:22.000 Oh my god.

01:54:23.000 But it pooped out the condom with the poop inside the condom. 0.99

01:54:26.000 So it was like a sack and everybody was like, what's happening to the dog?

01:54:29.000 So everyone surrounded it.

01:54:30.000 And then we all realized at the same time it was a condom and it got really weird.

01:54:34.000 He was just eating a condom.

01:54:36.000 Oh, so it was probably in the trash. 0.91

01:54:37.000 It was in the trash, and he ate it, and then the poop filled in the condom, and then he pooped a condom. 0.99

01:54:42.000 That sounds fucking foul. 0.99

01:54:44.000 That's why I don't want to have pets. 0.99

01:54:45.000 Who knows?

01:54:46.000 Like, it's a lot, dude. 1.00

01:54:48.000 You're jizzing in the air, fucking your pillows. 1.00

01:54:51.000 They're eating your condoms. 1.00

01:54:52.000 This dog used to growl. 1.00

01:54:54.000 He used to growl while he was fucking it. 1.00

01:54:56.000 It was crazy. 1.00

01:54:57.000 No, our dog would look us in the eye while he was going at it.

01:55:01.000 He's looking in the eye. 1.00

01:55:03.000 He's looking in the eye while he's fucking his stuffed animal. 1.00

01:55:04.000 He's choking his stuffy. 1.00

01:55:06.000 Jesus Christ.

01:55:08.000 Why is the dog doing 69 with the stuffy?

01:55:13.000 They're getting advanced, these puppies. 1.00

01:55:15.000 Right, he's grabbing the stuffy's head, stuffing it up his ass. 1.00

01:55:19.000 Dude. 1.00

01:55:21.000 No, no. 1.00

01:55:24.000 It's got a vibrator in its pussy and a stuffy in its ass. 1.00

01:55:28.000 You walk in the room, your dog's legs are in the air. 1.00

01:55:32.000 Why is my dog's legs on its own shoulders?

01:55:36.000 The stuffy's eating it out.

01:55:37.000 Can you imagine if you came into the room and your dog was lying on its back?

01:55:41.000 Legs in the air.

01:55:42.000 With a little vibrator between the legs. 0.93

01:55:45.000 And then you came in and it's like, woof! 0.54

01:55:47.000 And it pretends it's a dog again.

01:55:48.000 It is really weird. 1.00

01:55:50.000 My dog loves to lick his own dick. 1.00

01:55:53.000 Loves it. 1.00

01:55:53.000 Wouldn't you? 1.00

01:55:54.000 Yeah.

01:55:54.000 If you could do that?

01:55:55.000 Makes sense. 1.00

01:55:56.000 If I could eat my own pussy, you wouldn't see me again. 1.00

01:55:58.000 Of course. 1.00

01:55:59.000 Bye!

01:55:59.000 Makes sense.

01:56:00.000 She'd have a curved back. 0.87

01:56:02.000 I'd be like...

01:56:03.000 Marilyn Manson.

01:56:06.000 Yeah.

01:56:07.000 It makes sense that a dog would do it.

01:56:08.000 They don't know any better.

01:56:10.000 They don't think there's anything wrong with doing it.

01:56:11.000 You gotta go, ew!

01:56:12.000 And they're like, what?

01:56:14.000 They're not even embarrassed after that either.

01:56:16.000 They're like, leave me alone.

01:56:17.000 They don't get embarrassed, which is fascinating.

01:56:19.000 That's why I love them.

01:56:21.000 Because they don't get embarrassed.

01:56:23.000 They do when they're in trouble.

01:56:25.000 They've done something wrong.

01:56:26.000 They get sad.

01:56:27.000 Like, oh, what did I do?

01:56:28.000 Oh, then you feel bad that you're yelling at them, but you're like...

01:56:32.000 But hey, bro, you can't do that.

01:56:33.000 Don't eat wires.

01:56:34.000 You're gonna die.

01:56:36.000 Do you think hitting a dog is necessary for it to listen? 1.00

01:56:39.000 No.

01:56:40.000 I have a friend who has a dog and I said, wow, your dog's so well behaved.

01:56:44.000 I was like, do you hit him?

01:56:45.000 And he goes, that's why he listens.

01:56:46.000 And I was like, I hate that.

01:56:49.000 Well, I don't think you should hit dogs, but I do think some dogs need some, like there's some aggressive dogs that need to be trained very carefully.

01:56:58.000 That I do think.

01:56:59.000 And you need to let that dog know that you're the boss.

01:57:03.000 And you have to be willing to do that.

01:57:04.000 Yeah, I don't think he hits him, but I think he's hit him.

01:57:08.000 I think that changed the dog when he was like, because it was a bad dog when he got it.

01:57:12.000 Yeah.

01:57:12.000 I don't know.

01:57:13.000 I'm really anti-hitting a dog.

01:57:15.000 I don't know.

01:57:16.000 I don't have a dog.

01:57:17.000 That hurts my heart.

01:57:18.000 You always wonder if it's like hitting kids.

01:57:21.000 You know, hit kids are more likely to hit other kids.

01:57:23.000 And more likely to be funny.

01:57:27.000 You hit your kid, they'll come up with some great punchlines. 0.98

01:57:31.000 Give them a little subtle brain damage. 0.56

01:57:35.000 I did Dr. Drew earlier today and he told me I was abused on air.

01:57:40.000 He was like, have you ever been hit with anything other than a hand?

01:57:43.000 I was like, yeah.

01:57:44.000 And he was like, that's abuse.

01:57:45.000 I was like, oh.

01:57:46.000 Anyways, we should take a collar.

01:57:48.000 Like wooden spoons?

01:57:49.000 What'd they get you with?

01:57:50.000 Belts and shoes.

01:57:54.000 But even being hit with a hand, isn't that also abuse?

01:57:57.000 Yeah.

01:57:59.000 It's not necessary.

01:58:00.000 My parents would do hot sauce too, which I heard is really bad now.

01:58:03.000 Oh my god.

01:58:04.000 Hot sauce?

01:58:05.000 That's horrible.

01:58:05.000 Wash your mouth out with soap?

01:58:07.000 It was hot sauce.

01:58:08.000 Soap was a white child's blessing, sweetie. 0.93

01:58:13.000 Oh, I know.

01:58:14.000 There's some people that still believe in that.

01:58:15.000 Yeah.

01:58:16.000 I think we should probably move away from violence as punishment as much as we can possibly.

01:58:20.000 In general, we should always be moving away from violence.

01:58:23.000 As humans and people, we should always be moving towards whatever the nicer thing is.

01:58:28.000 But the issue is, hurt people hurt people.

01:58:30.000 We're all collectively traumatized.

01:58:33.000 And it keeps going.

01:58:34.000 It passes on.

01:58:36.000 But I feel like that's true because I was spanked and I have no want to spank a child or need to hit a child or hurt a child.

01:58:42.000 But also, we know more now, right?

01:58:45.000 We know more now.

01:58:45.000 And also, you've gone through it.

01:58:47.000 We were just talking about this yesterday.

01:58:49.000 The children of alcoholics, oftentimes, they don't even think about drinking. 1.00

01:58:53.000 They're like, fuck that. 1.00

01:58:54.000 If you've gone through getting your ass kicked by shoes and belts and things like that, you're like, that is not good. 1.00

01:59:00.000 It wasn't good for me. 0.99

01:59:01.000 This idea that that's the only way you can learn is crazy.

01:59:04.000 That is crazy.

01:59:06.000 It was so common and every parent did it then that it was like, it's crazy.

01:59:11.000 And now the parents are like, you're saying we abused you?

01:59:13.000 I'm like, I'm saying everyone abused everyone.

01:59:16.000 Everyone seemed to be abused during that time, but that is also a thing.

01:59:19.000 And it was so normalized.

01:59:20.000 Yeah, it was normalized. 0.99

01:59:21.000 If you could go to the 1900s, go back to the early 1900s, people would beat the fuck out of their kids. 0.97

01:59:26.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:59:27.000 People would beat the fuck out of their wives. 1.00

01:59:28.000 You used to be able to hit your kid at the store in the 90s. 0.99

01:59:31.000 People would hit their kids publicly, I remember.

01:59:33.000 At the store?

01:59:34.000 Yeah, I remember kids getting spanked in public, like when I was younger.

01:59:37.000 Yeah, I've seen people get spanked in public when I was younger. 1.00

01:59:38.000 It's jarring if you see it now.

01:59:40.000 When I lived in Florida, they spanked us once. 1.00

01:59:42.000 I got in a fight with this kid, and they spanked both of us. 1.00

01:59:45.000 The school?

01:59:46.000 Yeah.

01:59:46.000 With a paddle.

01:59:47.000 They used to paddle.

01:59:48.000 They paddled you.

01:59:49.000 Was it Catholic school?

01:59:50.000 No.

01:59:50.000 It was public school.

01:59:52.000 That's fucked up! 1.00

01:59:53.000 That's crazy. 1.00

01:59:54.000 Yeah, they paddled us.

01:59:55.000 I think my friend's mom spanked me once. 1.00

01:59:57.000 That's crazy!

01:59:59.000 That's crazy.

01:59:59.000 And my mom gave her permission.

02:00:01.000 Oh, gee.

02:00:01.000 No!

02:00:02.000 I think so.

02:00:02.000 Your mom's like, film it!

02:00:04.000 Hit her! 1.00

02:00:07.000 We were bad, though. 0.69

02:00:08.000 Yeah, they used to be able to paddle you in school. 1.00

02:00:11.000 Isn't it weird that we, I don't know, like people, it's a form of abuse, but then people also like getting their ass spanked while they're having sex? 0.99

02:00:18.000 Oh yeah, it's no coincidence that our whole entire generation likes to get spanked and choked. 0.99

02:00:22.000 I think that's that movie.

02:00:24.000 What was that movie?

02:00:25.000 Shades of Grey?

02:00:26.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:00:27.000 That's all about child abuse. 1.00

02:00:29.000 There's a new fucking book that's called, it's like fairy porn. 1.00

02:00:35.000 It's called... 1.00

02:00:36.000 Oh, it's the new one that Frank Esteele was talking about. 0.97

02:00:40.000 Frank Esteele was reading fairy porn. 0.99

02:00:41.000 He said his wife's reading it and she's like fucking him so much that he's scared of her now. 1.00

02:00:45.000 Yeah, yeah, he's like hiding from her. 1.00

02:00:47.000 He's getting hot for fairy porn. 0.99

02:00:49.000 Dude, he says there's this book out and every guy should buy it for his wife. 0.98

02:00:51.000 Everyone is reading it.

02:00:53.000 It was like trending on like this gift list too of like...

02:00:56.000 I wrote it down.

02:00:58.000 Thorns and Roses.

02:00:59.000 Yes!

02:01:01.000 It's called The Court of Thorns and Roses.

02:01:04.000 And it's supposed to be amazing.

02:01:05.000 It starts rather pleasant.

02:01:06.000 What did that say?

02:01:07.000 It starts rather...

02:01:08.000 Can you go back to that, Jenny?

02:01:09.000 It starts rather pleasant.

02:01:10.000 Yeah, it starts rather pleasant.

02:01:11.000 Your usual escapist fantasy.

02:01:13.000 It quickly subverts into a dark and brutal test of love.

02:01:16.000 I'm looking forward to reading the rest of the books in the series.

02:01:18.000 I can see myself stealing ideas for...

02:01:21.000 D&D tricks.

02:01:22.000 Okay, that's embarrassing.

02:01:24.000 Leave your D&D tricks out of it.

02:01:27.000 This is some...

02:01:28.000 Tapped into a vein of super nerds.

02:01:31.000 I'm buying it.

02:01:33.000 Catch me reading fairy porn at home. 0.98

02:01:36.000 I'm curious. 0.98

02:01:36.000 I love fairies. 0.98

02:01:37.000 I'm not a porn reader.

02:01:39.000 Really?

02:01:40.000 I do. 0.99

02:01:41.000 I like to read porn. 0.99

02:01:41.000 You're like a fantasy porn reader? 0.99

02:01:43.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:01:43.000 I like getting hot and heavy in the book. 0.99

02:01:45.000 Women in general prefer reading it, whereas men, I think, would prefer watching it.

02:01:49.000 Visual, yeah. 0.97

02:01:49.000 All those romance novels with Fabio on the cover, aren't those all kind of like porn for ladies? 0.97

02:01:54.000 Yeah, but I thought that was for older ladies. 1.00

02:01:57.000 This is the cool one, though.

02:01:59.000 Some younger ladies get into it. 1.00

02:02:01.000 They have all kinds of wacky porn. 0.92

02:02:03.000 There's Bigfoot porn. 0.97

02:02:05.000 That's crazy.

02:02:06.000 You know what we talked about that I got into? 0.88

02:02:09.000 Tarzan porn. 0.86

02:02:11.000 Oh, yeah. 0.99

02:02:11.000 That seems like good porn. 0.99

02:02:12.000 That one was a good one. 0.97

02:02:13.000 Lost in the Jungle, Tarzan comes through on the vines.

02:02:16.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:02:17.000 Nothing hotter than Tarzan coming through to fuck you. 1.00

02:02:20.000 That's my rose and thorns. 1.00

02:02:22.000 A little splish splash in the jungle.

02:02:25.000 Meanwhile, he gives you chimp VD. Aw! 1.00

02:02:29.000 Not me sharing an STD with a chimp he just fucked. 1.00

02:02:32.000 Yeah, that's what I'm saying. 1.00

02:02:33.000 Aw, damn it. 1.00

02:02:34.000 And then the chimp gets mad at you because you're taking his dick away. 1.00

02:02:36.000 Did I have beef with a chimp? 1.00

02:02:37.000 Yeah, beef with a female chimp. 1.00

02:02:38.000 Aw, that's scary. 0.98

02:02:40.000 That's not the beef I'm trying to have.

02:02:41.000 You don't want that. 0.99

02:02:42.000 Do you think Tarzan fucked chimps? 1.00

02:02:44.000 100%. 1.00

02:02:44.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:02:45.000 What do you think he was doing?

02:02:46.000 He lived with them.

02:02:46.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:02:48.000 He didn't think he didn't have a teenage chimp crush. 1.00

02:02:49.000 He grew up with them.

02:02:50.000 He's all grown up.

02:02:51.000 He went to the same high school with the other chimps. 1.00

02:02:53.000 When they found him, he was a man.

02:02:55.000 That's so crazy.

02:02:56.000 Yeah, he wasn't like a boy.

02:02:58.000 That's so crazy.

02:02:59.000 He grew up with the chimps, yeah.

02:03:01.000 Me and me had a collection of frogs.

02:03:03.000 Ew. 0.96

02:03:04.000 Just mouthfucked frogs? 0.97

02:03:05.000 Chimps mouthfucked frogs.

02:03:07.000 You ever seen that?

02:03:08.000 What?

02:03:09.000 Hold on.

02:03:10.000 Yeah.

02:03:10.000 Wait, you just said it?

02:03:11.000 And you can hear it. 1.00

02:03:11.000 They hold them and they mouthfuck them. 1.00

02:03:13.000 Do you think you can hear it? 0.99

02:03:15.000 Well, I bet if we find enough videos.

02:03:18.000 There's a lot of videos of chimps doing this. 0.99

02:03:19.000 Wait, chimps mouth fuck frogs? 1.00

02:03:21.000 100%. 1.00

02:03:22.000 You said it so casually.

02:03:24.000 I thought you knew.

02:03:25.000 Look at this guy.

02:03:26.000 Look at this guy.

02:03:27.000 He's sitting there.

02:03:28.000 He picks up that frog. 1.00

02:03:29.000 He's like, let me just put your fucking... 1.00

02:03:31.000 This is where pocket pussy came from. 1.00

02:03:33.000 This is a pocket pussy. 1.00

02:03:34.000 A nature's pocket pussy. 1.00

02:03:35.000 Imagine being this frog going, I can't believe this. 1.00

02:03:39.000 I thought I was the king of the jungle.

02:03:40.000 The frogs are out there. 1.00

02:03:41.000 Look at, he's sticking his dick inside of its mouth. 1.00

02:03:43.000 He's prying the mouth open with his thumbs. 1.00

02:03:45.000 He's literally raping the frog. 0.86

02:03:47.000 He's prying the mouth open with his thumbs. 0.96

02:03:49.000 Oh my god. 1.00

02:03:49.000 Now he's just forcing it to suck on his dick. 1.00

02:03:52.000 We're watching frog rape. 1.00

02:03:53.000 But is it rape if it's animals? 1.00

02:03:56.000 Yes. 0.57

02:03:57.000 Rape is rape. 1.00

02:03:58.000 Most of what they do, I think, is rape. 1.00

02:04:00.000 This is another one. 0.96

02:04:01.000 He's holding down a frog and just beating himself off with it.

02:04:07.000 He just beat himself off with his poor frog.

02:04:10.000 It's not funny, but the mushrooms are making me laugh.

02:04:12.000 It's not funny.

02:04:13.000 It is funny.

02:04:13.000 It is really funny.

02:04:14.000 It's funny. 1.00

02:04:15.000 He's like, where you going, bitch? 1.00

02:04:16.000 Come suck my dick. 1.00

02:04:18.000 Look at him. 1.00

02:04:19.000 He throws him up. 1.00

02:04:20.000 And you suck my dick. 1.00

02:04:21.000 And you suck my dick. 1.00

02:04:23.000 He's throwing him up in the air to soften him up. 1.00

02:04:25.000 Ew, look at his dick. 1.00

02:04:27.000 He realizes you're getting a little hoppy here. 1.00

02:04:29.000 Slow down. 0.93

02:04:30.000 I'm going to put you on my head. 0.88

02:04:32.000 He's like, stop filming. 0.94

02:04:33.000 Oh, no.

02:04:33.000 It's on his head.

02:04:34.000 He's gotta put it on his head and he's just feelin' his dick. 1.00

02:04:37.000 He's lettin' him bounce around, thinking he has freedom. 1.00

02:04:40.000 Oh, you wanna go by my dick, do ya? 0.99

02:04:41.000 Now he's gotta teach it all. 1.00

02:04:43.000 Look at his little boner. 0.96

02:04:45.000 I can't! 0.97

02:04:47.000 I can't!

02:04:50.000 This is so crazy!

02:04:52.000 This is crazy!

02:04:53.000 This make me miss Moo Moo Fuku. 0.96

02:04:55.000 Oh my god.

02:04:57.000 No, he's going to town with that poor little frog.

02:04:59.000 That poor little frog is about to just explode. 1.00

02:05:02.000 Honey, you want crab-filled legs? 1.00

02:05:04.000 These are some creamy crab legs.

02:05:07.000 Are you creamy crab legs?

02:05:11.000 He's like a guy holding a girl's head down.

02:05:15.000 Oh my god.

02:05:16.000 Well, a lot worse. 1.00

02:05:17.000 You're getting a giant's mouth-fucking you to death. 1.00

02:05:20.000 That's what it's like. 1.00

02:05:21.000 A giant hairy beast is mouth-fucking you to death. 1.00

02:05:24.000 And you're dying. 1.00

02:05:25.000 It's like, imagine if a giant did.

02:05:29.000 Now you're smiling.

02:05:30.000 Yeah.

02:05:30.000 That's her thorns and roses.

02:05:32.000 Giant porn. 0.99

02:05:33.000 That's what I'm into. 0.99

02:05:35.000 Giant porn. 1.00

02:05:35.000 Let me climb upon your balls. 1.00

02:05:37.000 Let me climb your beanstalk. 1.00

02:05:39.000 He can climb his balls, the wrinkles in his balls to get up to his dick. 1.00

02:05:42.000 Is it called Come for Bigfoot? 1.00

02:05:43.000 No.

02:05:44.000 Yeah.

02:05:44.000 Okay, we've talked about Come for Bigfoot.

02:05:47.000 I feel like we maybe have.

02:05:48.000 We have talked about Come for Bigfoot and I can't tell if it was a viewer or another sick friend.

02:05:53.000 It might be with me.

02:06:01.000 There's a ton of them.

02:06:03.000 There's not just one.

02:06:04.000 I think it's just one lady, Virginia Wade. 1.00

02:06:06.000 She must be a freak and a half. 0.99

02:06:08.000 Have you ever heard of the movie Roar?

02:06:10.000 Did I tell you about that?

02:06:11.000 Yes. 0.99

02:06:11.000 Yes, that movie fucked me up. 0.99

02:06:14.000 So can you go back so I can read what it says? 0.96

02:06:16.000 Come for Bigfoot.

02:06:17.000 No, I can't.

02:06:18.000 It says, on a week-long outing in Mount Hood National Forest, what begins as a flirty, fun-filled trip soon turns into a nightmare when an ape-like creature kidnaps a group of teen girls with the purpose of procreating with them.

02:06:32.000 Why teen?

02:06:33.000 Thus begins the erotic adventure of a lifetime and an inconceivable love story between a young woman and her horny sasquatch.

02:06:41.000 Okay, I've heard Time out!

02:06:44.000 I was on board until I found out the girls were teenage. 1.00

02:06:47.000 Can we make them of age girls? 1.00

02:06:48.000 They could be 18. You can do whatever you want in a book.

02:06:51.000 You can do wild shit in a book. 1.00

02:06:53.000 I guess you're right. 1.00

02:06:54.000 Yeah, you can do wild, horrible things in a book.

02:06:56.000 An 18-year-old's still a teenager, right?

02:06:59.000 That's true.

02:07:00.000 Deal with the demon. 0.87

02:07:01.000 What is that?

02:07:02.000 That's what you have to read after you come for Bigfoot.

02:07:08.000 If you had to choose between seeing a UFO or seeing Bigfoot, what would you pick?

02:07:15.000 UFO. Yeah.

02:07:17.000 Seeing Bigfoot would freak me out that they're in the woods with us like that.

02:07:22.000 I don't like that.

02:07:23.000 But UFO would be like, okay, it's real.

02:07:26.000 It is what it is.

02:07:28.000 There's no more mystery.

02:07:29.000 UFO is way more interesting to me.

02:07:31.000 UFO is creepy.

02:07:32.000 I feel like if Bigfoot was real and there was a bunch of them, we'd treat them the same way we treat orcas.

02:07:37.000 Because orcas are amazing.

02:07:39.000 That's an amazing creature.

02:07:41.000 And if it didn't exist, if you heard about an intelligent creature that speaks with sound underwater, it's got a brain that's way bigger than a human being's brain.

02:07:52.000 Obviously, they hunt, they think, they teach each other things.

02:07:56.000 You would say there's no way.

02:07:59.000 This thing, who saw it?

02:08:00.000 You know, if there was no footage of it, it was just a myth that there was this creature that was really intelligent that killed the whales.

02:08:08.000 Like, what?

02:08:08.000 It kills whales?

02:08:10.000 What?

02:08:10.000 That's so crazy.

02:08:11.000 Get the fuck out of here. 1.00

02:08:12.000 That's so crazy. 1.00

02:08:13.000 What is this thing?

02:08:14.000 Yeah, but meanwhile, they're real, and we're like, eh, killer whales.

02:08:17.000 Oh, look, there's an orca.

02:08:18.000 That's how we would be like Bigfoot.

02:08:20.000 Oh, look, there's a Bigfoot.

02:08:21.000 Would you rather see a...

02:08:22.000 There's Sasquatch, and then there's Yetis, right? 1.00

02:08:26.000 I think they're the same, right?

02:08:27.000 No, one's more like snow.

02:08:29.000 One lives in the Himalayas.

02:08:32.000 Between the two, I'd rather see the Yeti.

02:08:34.000 Give me the snowy one. 1.00

02:08:36.000 I feel like if you're in the place where the Yeti lives, you fucked up already. 0.99

02:08:39.000 Yeah, I feel like that too. 0.99

02:08:39.000 I want the Sasquatch, the nice nature. 0.99

02:08:42.000 Yeah, you could be in the Colorado mountains.

02:08:45.000 The Yeti's cold. 1.00

02:08:45.000 It's nice, and then you see a Sasquatch, you're like, oh shit. 1.00

02:08:48.000 Come for Sasquatch. 1.00

02:08:49.000 For real?

02:08:52.000 Just abduct you into the woods, one over each other.

02:08:55.000 Come for Yeti, doesn't hit the same. 0.99

02:08:57.000 I can't fucking believe. 0.93

02:08:58.000 Come for Yeti, doesn't hit the same. 0.99

02:08:59.000 Yell for Yeti.

02:09:01.000 Come for Sasquatch. 0.99

02:09:03.000 What about the mermaids?

02:09:05.000 What about... 1.00

02:09:06.000 What fucking question is that? 1.00

02:09:08.000 The mermaids? 1.00

02:09:10.000 Would I rather see a mermaid over a Yeti or a Sasquatch?

02:09:14.000 Would you rather see a mermaid or a UFO? A real one.

02:09:17.000 100%. 0.99

02:09:19.000 I don't give a fuck about a mermaid. 0.99

02:09:20.000 But a UFO could be anything. 0.99

02:09:21.000 It could be the government.

02:09:22.000 It could be aliens.

02:09:23.000 It could be the government being aliens. 0.87

02:09:25.000 A mermaid is different.

02:09:26.000 A mermaid's a mermaid. 1.00

02:09:27.000 Imagine it's a hot-ass mermaid. 1.00

02:09:29.000 A mermaid opens up the opportunity that there's a whole other world of half-humans under the water. 1.00

02:09:34.000 Yeah.

02:09:37.000 We gotta start going inside before we go outside, Joe.

02:09:40.000 We gotta see what's going on in our ship before we start exploring.

02:09:43.000 Okay, question.

02:09:44.000 Question.

02:09:44.000 Would you rather see a fairy or a mermaid?

02:09:46.000 A fairy.

02:09:48.000 A fairy.

02:09:48.000 Fairy, right?

02:09:49.000 For sure, yeah.

02:09:50.000 Yeah.

02:09:51.000 Fairy's more interesting.

02:09:52.000 I can't get into my fairy fantasy on here.

02:09:53.000 I'm into that fairy life.

02:09:54.000 A mermaid is just like a person with a fishtail. 1.00

02:09:57.000 Like, why is it so interesting?

02:09:59.000 Fish.

02:10:00.000 It's not even that interesting.

02:10:02.000 This is a different kind of person that lives underwater.

02:10:04.000 Like, okay, have fun.

02:10:06.000 Weirdo.

02:10:07.000 Yeah.

02:10:07.000 Anyways, we'll be up here breathing air and having fun and doing stand-up.

02:10:11.000 Yeah, have a good time. 1.00

02:10:12.000 Lose the gills, get some lungs, pussy. 1.00

02:10:14.000 Yeah, you're living with sharks, you fucking moron. 1.00

02:10:16.000 What are you doing? 1.00

02:10:17.000 That's true.

02:10:18.000 Yeah.

02:10:18.000 That's true.

02:10:19.000 Down there with your fucking trident. 1.00

02:10:22.000 I run this shit. 1.00

02:10:25.000 There's people on TikTok that are teaching themselves telekinesis and they think they can move things with their minds. 1.00

02:10:32.000 That's Russia and China. 0.94

02:10:33.000 They're just subverting our youth. 1.00

02:10:35.000 They're making us stupid and then in China they're getting smarter. 1.00

02:10:38.000 They're doing like math shit. 1.00

02:10:39.000 They're doing real math numbers and we're over here trying to move aluminum foil with wind. 1.00

02:10:44.000 We're like, I could do it!

02:10:45.000 Yep. 1.00

02:10:46.000 We're all distracted by the dumbest shit on TikTok. 1.00

02:10:49.000 Yeah, people are just eating Baconators trying to move things with their minds. 1.00

02:10:53.000 The chamoy pickle?

02:10:53.000 I'm in.

02:10:54.000 Do you think that people can, like, is, like, telekinesis a possibility someday?

02:11:02.000 Yeah.

02:11:02.000 You think so?

02:11:03.000 Yeah.

02:11:03.000 Because we have this thought.

02:11:05.000 It's always existed, like the idea of moving things with your mind.

02:11:07.000 And people have always pretended they can do it.

02:11:10.000 Right.

02:11:10.000 What do you think?

02:11:11.000 Do you think it's like things that people think one day...

02:11:14.000 At one point in time, we weren't like this.

02:11:17.000 Right.

02:11:17.000 At one point in time, we were some hairy creature living in the woods, and we evolved to become like this.

02:11:23.000 How long before other things start emerging?

02:11:25.000 And maybe that's what psychic thought really is.

02:11:28.000 They're emerging properties of human beings.

02:11:30.000 We don't quite have it yet, but you get it.

02:11:33.000 My friend called when I was thinking about them. 1.00

02:11:35.000 You know, that kind of shit. 1.00

02:11:36.000 It's being a jellyfish. 1.00

02:11:38.000 You gotta just fucking go with it until the vibes hit you. 0.98

02:11:41.000 It shows up with synchronicities and stuff, too. 0.97

02:11:44.000 Also, I think it's very interesting when you're in school and stuff and you feel someone looking at you and you look and they're looking.

02:11:51.000 And you're like, you can feel that.

02:11:54.000 Well, people do seem to statistically know.

02:11:55.000 They've done, like, studies and show people can tell to a certain extent when people are looking at them.

02:12:01.000 It seems to be more than just chance.

02:12:03.000 It is more than chance, because in a room full of people, your head goes exactly to where you're being stared at, and you make eye contact.

02:12:11.000 And that's happened to me so many times.

02:12:14.000 There's times where we're so connected, there'll be times where we do shows and we both show up in a pink jacket.

02:12:21.000 We didn't talk about it before, and we'll just both get there and be matching, which is weird, too.

02:12:26.000 Yeah, but...

02:12:27.000 Yeah.

02:12:28.000 But that's...

02:12:28.000 You're both more likely to wear pink jackets.

02:12:30.000 Yeah.

02:12:31.000 I think we also...

02:12:32.000 If I wore a pink jacket and you guys were wearing a pink jacket, that would seem insane.

02:12:36.000 That's true.

02:12:37.000 Which did happen the other night.

02:12:38.000 We all wore pink.

02:12:40.000 We did?

02:12:40.000 Yeah, we did.

02:12:41.000 Who's we?

02:12:42.000 Me, you, and Sarah.

02:12:43.000 Oh, okay.

02:12:44.000 Was that you?

02:12:45.000 No, it was me, you, and Pauly Shore.

02:12:47.000 Oh, it was Pauly Shore.

02:12:48.000 You just mixed up Pauly and Joe.

02:12:50.000 That's hilarious.

02:12:52.000 Different energy.

02:12:53.000 I can't even believe I'm saying that.

02:12:55.000 I'm wearing a pink hoodie. 0.99

02:12:56.000 Shit, I'm wearing a pink hoodie. 1.00

02:12:57.000 You got Elvis. 0.99

02:12:57.000 That's what threw me off, but I don't know. 0.99

02:12:59.000 I think it's just weird.

02:13:01.000 I mean, who knows?

02:13:02.000 I think it's possible.

02:13:03.000 I heard this story about a guy who died in a freezer.

02:13:06.000 He worked in a place that had like all these freezers and he got locked in one.

02:13:10.000 And he died from hypothermia.

02:13:13.000 But they found out that the freezer...

02:13:15.000 Now I don't know if this is a true story.

02:13:17.000 I don't even remember how I read it.

02:13:18.000 But I read that he died but they found out that the freezer didn't even work.

02:13:23.000 That it had been unplugged.

02:13:24.000 The power shut down.

02:13:25.000 And then he like literally like thought he was freezing and killed himself.

02:13:30.000 In the freezer.

02:13:30.000 They found claw marks in it and everything.

02:13:32.000 I don't know if that's real.

02:13:33.000 How did he kill himself?

02:13:33.000 I don't know.

02:13:34.000 I don't know.

02:13:34.000 But they said they looked and he had...

02:13:35.000 There's a lot of I don't know in this story.

02:13:37.000 I don't know.

02:13:37.000 I don't remember.

02:13:38.000 It was a long time ago.

02:13:39.000 I'm having traces of that story pop in.

02:13:42.000 His mental state...

02:13:44.000 He tricked himself into thinking he was dying and he died. 1.00

02:13:47.000 He had like a fucking heart attack. 1.00

02:13:48.000 He's been like, I'm burning! 1.00

02:13:49.000 I'm burning!

02:13:50.000 And you...

02:13:50.000 I could see that you could have a heart attack.

02:13:52.000 That's possible. 0.99

02:13:53.000 And then he was like trying to claw his way out, but then they said that the freezer wasn't even plugged in and he would have lived if he would have just fucking... 0.99

02:13:59.000 That's deranged. 0.99

02:14:00.000 Chilled out a little.

02:14:01.000 No, pun intended.

02:14:02.000 How do you even fit into a freezer?

02:14:04.000 How do you not know it's not cold?

02:14:07.000 Yeah.

02:14:07.000 How do you not know it's not cold?

02:14:09.000 You don't.

02:14:10.000 You really think you're freezing to death.

02:14:11.000 But if you're in there and you're like, not even cold.

02:14:14.000 I remember being a kid.

02:14:15.000 I think it's a big one.

02:14:16.000 It's probably cold for a while.

02:14:17.000 And wanting to go into the refrigerator as a kid.

02:14:20.000 Being like, opening it.

02:14:21.000 My mom being like, I can't go in the refrigerator. 1.00

02:14:23.000 Oh yeah, you want to go in there like a bug.

02:14:24.000 Yeah, that's a weird thing.

02:14:25.000 Right?

02:14:26.000 That's in horror movies where the evil grandmother's like, let me see if you fit in that oven. 1.00

02:14:30.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:14:31.000 Just do me a favor and climb in that oven. 1.00

02:14:33.000 I just want to see if you fit.

02:14:34.000 It's nice and warm.

02:14:35.000 Your hands are cold.

02:14:36.000 Just put your hands in there. 0.99

02:14:37.000 There's a fucked up movie, a horror movie about that where these kids go to visit their grandparents. 0.99

02:14:42.000 Is it called Witches? 0.98

02:14:43.000 But the grandparents aren't really their grandparents.

02:14:46.000 Oh, I saw that movie.

02:14:47.000 There's some crazy people that took over the grandparents' house and killed the grandparents.

02:14:50.000 And the mom calls and they show a picture of the grandparents.

02:14:52.000 And she's like, those aren't your grandparents.

02:14:54.000 And the kids realize they've been staying with two strangers.

02:14:57.000 They're at the wrong house. 0.59

02:14:58.000 Psycho strangers. 0.88

02:14:59.000 Psycho.

02:14:59.000 What is the name of that movie?

02:15:00.000 That movie was actually really fucked up. 0.97

02:15:02.000 It was a good movie. 0.99

02:15:03.000 Yeah.

02:15:04.000 What was it called?

02:15:05.000 I have no idea.

02:15:07.000 The Others or something like that?

02:15:07.000 Yeah, there's something like that.

02:15:10.000 The Visit?

02:15:11.000 The Visit?

02:15:11.000 Can I see?

02:15:12.000 Something like that.

02:15:13.000 It was really horrible.

02:15:16.000 Yeah, this is it.

02:15:19.000 Yeah.

02:15:19.000 Yep, this is it.

02:15:21.000 Oh, I remember.

02:15:22.000 It's a very creepy movie.

02:15:23.000 Because it builds.

02:15:25.000 It's like a slow creep.

02:15:27.000 Yeah.

02:15:28.000 Even watching it looks creepy.

02:15:30.000 Well, the grandparents look off from the beginning now that you know.

02:15:33.000 Well, now that you know.

02:15:35.000 But at the beginning, they just seem a little off.

02:15:37.000 Like, just something's wrong.

02:15:39.000 Yeah, like maybe they had dementia or something.

02:15:41.000 You almost think they're sick in a way.

02:15:43.000 You're like, man, they're not doing too well. 0.59

02:15:45.000 These are the people that killed your grandparents.

02:15:47.000 Yeah.

02:15:47.000 It's a good movie.

02:15:48.000 It is a good movie. 0.72

02:15:49.000 You know that movie that fucked me up was The Strangers.

02:15:52.000 Which one? 0.87

02:15:52.000 That movie fucked me up for years. 0.87

02:15:55.000 What's that movie? 0.97

02:15:56.000 It's a movie about just strangers showing up at your house at night in masks.

02:16:00.000 And it's like this...

02:16:01.000 Not into that.

02:16:02.000 Like this knock, and then it's a couple on their anniversary, they're in the middle of the woods, and just these people show up, and then they go through this whole night where they're being tortured and murdered, and at the end of the movie, they ask them, they're like, why are you doing this?

02:16:16.000 And they're like, because you were home.

02:16:17.000 And it's like, no, it's just a movie about demented people.

02:16:20.000 Oh.

02:16:21.000 Boy, that's why you need firearms.

02:16:23.000 Yeah, the strangers make you believe in the right to bear arms, I'll tell you that.

02:16:28.000 You'll fix that problem real quick.

02:16:30.000 You'll see them skedaddling with their masks off quick.

02:16:32.000 Remember when we saw Haley Joel Osment on the plane and we knew it was him because of his eyes?

02:16:37.000 Yeah, he was wearing a mask and we're like, no, we see those funky eyes from here.

02:16:41.000 Do you see dead people?

02:16:43.000 Oh.

02:16:44.000 This kid from Signs.

02:16:45.000 Oh, wow.

02:16:46.000 We recognized him from...

02:16:47.000 He had a mask on and I know his eyes. 0.99

02:16:51.000 That movie fucking changed my life. 0.98

02:16:53.000 Signs really stayed with me. 0.99

02:16:54.000 Not Signs.

02:16:55.000 Sixth Sense.

02:16:56.000 Sixth Sense. 0.99

02:16:57.000 Yeah, that fucked me up.

02:16:58.000 Signs really stayed with you? 0.97

02:16:59.000 Signs was the first movie I ever got fingered in.

02:17:02.000 The first time I ever got fingered was in Signs.

02:17:05.000 Congratulations.

02:17:06.000 Thank you.

02:17:07.000 He does have very distinct eyes.

02:17:08.000 He does.

02:17:09.000 Look at his eyes again.

02:17:10.000 The only person who has eyes that distinct besides him are Buscemi.

02:17:14.000 Yeah, he's got eyes you can't miss.

02:17:16.000 Like, you can't wear a mask and be like...

02:17:17.000 I was like, okay, Haley Joel, have fun at 32E. He looks like he could be like a Russian wrestler.

02:17:29.000 He did that trippy movie A.I. Remember that one where it was about the couple where they got so advanced that you could buy a child if you lost a child that you could buy a very realistic version of one for your grief?

02:17:41.000 And it would like learn to love you.

02:17:43.000 And then their child actually came back from the coma.

02:17:46.000 Oh my god.

02:17:48.000 So you have two kids?

02:17:49.000 You have two kids.

02:17:49.000 The robot kid?

02:17:50.000 Oh god. 1.00

02:17:51.000 Damn it. 1.00

02:17:52.000 It was a good movie. 1.00

02:17:54.000 Is that the robot falling apart?

02:17:56.000 That's because the other son would taunt him because he could really eat.

02:17:59.000 And so the robot kid started almost feeling like, well, if he can eat, I can eat.

02:18:02.000 I'm the real son, too.

02:18:03.000 And then it started, like, things went bad.

02:18:05.000 Oh, boy.

02:18:06.000 I never saw that movie.

02:18:07.000 Oh, it's so crazy.

02:18:08.000 It's so trippy.

02:18:09.000 And then eventually, like, the robot lives forever, but he actually loves this family and this woman like a mother.

02:18:14.000 But then eventually everyone dies out, and he's, like, still, like, the world. 0.88

02:18:17.000 Oh, you spoiler alerted the shit out of that movie.

02:18:20.000 When did that movie come out? 0.81

02:18:21.000 1990. 2001 was a long time ago.

02:18:24.000 I'm sorry, I couldn't hold it in any longer.

02:18:27.000 I've been waiting for a while to talk this.

02:18:31.000 There's this thing that somebody sent me online.

02:18:35.000 Hayley Joel was six in it. 1.00

02:18:39.000 There's this thing that someone sent me online where you can make an AI-generated boyfriend.

02:18:45.000 Well, aren't there like a bunch of AI girls on OnlyFans? 0.88

02:18:48.000 I like when it goes silent and a star just goes across the sky.

02:18:50.000 There's a bunch of AI-generated girls on OnlyFans. 1.00

02:18:54.000 Whoa.

02:18:54.000 Oh, I didn't know that.

02:18:55.000 Whoa.

02:18:56.000 I don't know if that's true.

02:18:57.000 But you can literally have a relationship.

02:18:58.000 Is that true?

02:18:59.000 100%.

02:18:59.000 Tell me if that's true.

02:19:01.000 You can make your own boyfriend on AI. Before I got that, this popped up.

02:19:05.000 What does it say?

02:19:06.000 It's Somebody sent me a link.

02:19:07.000 Osment was Spielberg's first and only choice for the role.

02:19:09.000 To betray the character, Osment avoided blinking his eyes and programmed himself with good posture.

02:19:16.000 Yo.

02:19:16.000 Something that said, I saw in a Reddit post, it said he didn't blink for a year.

02:19:20.000 I bet the...

02:19:21.000 He played a robot boy so well. 1.00

02:19:25.000 This movie is trippy as fuck. 1.00

02:19:27.000 I bet the trailer's crazy, too. 1.00

02:19:28.000 Loss his ability to blink.

02:19:29.000 Wait, what do you mean?

02:19:31.000 How do you not blink for an entire year?

02:19:33.000 I don't think that's really possible.

02:19:34.000 That's... 1.00

02:19:34.000 He's fucked up. 1.00

02:19:35.000 What happens when you go to sleep? 1.00

02:19:36.000 Listen, we saw him on the plane.

02:19:38.000 Something happened to him.

02:19:39.000 Lost his ability to blink.

02:19:41.000 Could he close his eyes?

02:19:42.000 That doesn't count as a blink, it's not quick?

02:19:44.000 No, closing your eyes is different than blinking, right?

02:19:47.000 Now we're talking about blinking.

02:19:48.000 Blinking is pretty quick.

02:19:50.000 How do you not blink for a whole year?

02:19:54.000 I'm sure when no one was looking, he was getting a few in.

02:19:57.000 Okay?

02:19:58.000 Don't worry, you guys. 0.98

02:19:59.000 That's like not shitting for a whole year. 0.97

02:20:01.000 I can't believe this is actual title. 0.98

02:20:03.000 He wasn't allowed to blink.

02:20:04.000 Stop blinking.

02:20:05.000 You gotta stop blinking.

02:20:07.000 Stop it, Ken. 1.00

02:20:08.000 This is so stupid. 1.00

02:20:09.000 That was the director's notes. 1.00

02:20:11.000 You have to stop blinking.

02:20:12.000 Less blinking.

02:20:13.000 Haley Joel Osment stops blinking for one year.

02:20:15.000 When Spielberg tells you not to blink, you stop blinking!

02:20:19.000 I'm sorry.

02:20:19.000 Spielberg, if you're listening, I will not blink if you put me in a movie.

02:20:22.000 I'll stop blinking for a year.

02:20:24.000 I'll stop blinking for a year, too.

02:20:25.000 You guys think you play good robots?

02:20:27.000 Yeah.

02:20:28.000 Yeah.

02:20:30.000 You both went into robot mode.

02:20:32.000 Yeah.

02:20:33.000 Yeah.

02:20:34.000 How long before you think, like, we're gonna go over someone's house and they're gonna have a robot, like, cleaning up?

02:20:40.000 Well, remember that show Small Wonder?

02:20:44.000 No.

02:20:44.000 Okay, can you look?

02:20:45.000 Small Wonder, Vicky, it was one of my favorite shows.

02:20:48.000 She was just like this house robot.

02:20:50.000 What?

02:20:50.000 You guys don't know what I'm talking about?

02:20:51.000 It was one of my favorite shows.

02:20:52.000 Even Kim's looking at you.

02:20:53.000 I've never heard of this.

02:20:55.000 Small Wonder.

02:20:55.000 Oh yeah, Small Wonder.

02:20:57.000 No one talks about it.

02:20:58.000 People need to talk more about Small Wonder.

02:21:01.000 Or not.

02:21:02.000 Look, she's a robot. 1.00

02:21:04.000 I grew up watching this.

02:21:06.000 She's a broken robot. 1.00

02:21:07.000 What is she doing? 1.00

02:21:09.000 What in the fuck were you watching as a child? 1.00

02:21:11.000 That's what makes her a robot? 1.00

02:21:12.000 She shrugs her shoulders?

02:21:13.000 No, she cleans and... 1.00

02:21:15.000 She does a lot of stuff.

02:21:16.000 What?

02:21:16.000 No, this is really weird.

02:21:17.000 You watch this movie?

02:21:19.000 It's a series!

02:21:20.000 I used to watch it!

02:21:20.000 It was my favorite show!

02:21:22.000 This is why you need Adderall.

02:21:24.000 This is how you started watching it.

02:21:26.000 You see her outfit?

02:21:26.000 I'd like to wear that.

02:21:28.000 This did something to you as a child, yeah.

02:21:30.000 How have you guys never seen this?

02:21:33.000 Ew! 0.98

02:21:33.000 I hate this! 0.98

02:21:34.000 And if you look at her back...

02:21:37.000 Oh my god, this is the most offensive show of all time.

02:21:41.000 This is so crazy.

02:21:42.000 It was my favorite show.

02:21:44.000 She's got sparks coming out of her back. 1.00

02:21:46.000 Sparks coming out of her back. 0.93

02:21:47.000 She's broken at one point.

02:21:48.000 And one time she started smoking cigarettes and she, like, it's crazy.

02:21:52.000 Did she have the personality of a child or did she just...

02:21:55.000 Whoa, imagine that. 1.00

02:21:56.000 She's fucking up your kids. 1.00

02:22:00.000 He is a prisoner in his own home. 1.00

02:22:02.000 He has a good point.

02:22:02.000 The parents should reconsider Vicky living there.

02:22:05.000 Memo, the parents are letting this robot pick your fucking kid up and threaten it with violence. 1.00

02:22:10.000 I mean, have some control in the house. 1.00

02:22:12.000 Look at her back. 1.00

02:22:12.000 What the fuck is going on? 1.00

02:22:13.000 Her back is all like digital. 1.00

02:22:14.000 Like a toy.

02:22:15.000 Yeah.

02:22:16.000 She kind of looks like a young you.

02:22:17.000 I was obsessed with this show.

02:22:19.000 She would be vacuuming.

02:22:20.000 She'd be smoking cigarettes. 0.96

02:22:22.000 It was one of my favorite shows growing up.

02:22:25.000 Okay.

02:22:27.000 Small Vicky.

02:22:28.000 There's a lot of bad shows.

02:22:28.000 I was gonna be here for Halloween one year, but I thought it was more mainstream.

02:22:33.000 No, a lot of people know Small Wonder.

02:22:36.000 I'm shocked you guys don't, to be honest.

02:22:38.000 No, I do.

02:22:38.000 How long was it on for?

02:22:40.000 I don't know.

02:22:41.000 One season, 1985. Wait, that's it?

02:22:44.000 That's it?

02:22:44.000 You had to be there for three months.

02:22:45.000 It was always on my TV! You had to be there from January to March.

02:22:49.000 I thought they had like 10 seasons because it was always on.

02:22:52.000 Sweetie, January through March 85, if you caught small wonder, you were hooked.

02:22:55.000 Jesus Christ.

02:22:57.000 Oh no, I'm sorry.

02:22:58.000 It had a couple of runs.

02:22:59.000 It had a couple of seasons.

02:23:00.000 Okay, how many?

02:23:01.000 I want to know what you were going to ask.

02:23:02.000 Three to four.

02:23:02.000 Okay, that makes me feel better.

02:23:04.000 Are you what?

02:23:05.000 What?

02:23:05.000 Are you what?

02:23:06.000 What were you going to say?

02:23:07.000 A robot?

02:23:08.000 You went, are you?

02:23:09.000 I don't remember what I was going to say.

02:23:10.000 Are you okay?

02:23:13.000 Are you still on Adderall?

02:23:15.000 No.

02:23:17.000 Do you wish you were?

02:23:18.000 No.

02:23:19.000 Not at all?

02:23:20.000 No.

02:23:20.000 You never want a taste?

02:23:21.000 No.

02:23:22.000 Feeling a little down?

02:23:22.000 It feels really nice to be able to sleep.

02:23:25.000 I mean, I was on it for so long.

02:23:27.000 And when you're on it, it also makes you...

02:23:30.000 It's really hard to live in the present moment when you're just thinking about sending emails.

02:23:37.000 Right.

02:23:37.000 You know what I mean?

02:23:38.000 Like, I didn't really have much inner peace when I was on it.

02:23:43.000 I gotta tell you, I can't imagine how you were living because you...

02:23:46.000 I constantly still think about emails.

02:23:48.000 She thinks about emails more than anyone I know.

02:23:50.000 So it was just like a hundred times whatever.

02:23:53.000 She's already on top of it. 1.00

02:23:55.000 Like she already is whatever it's doing.

02:23:58.000 Maybe it rewired you.

02:24:00.000 Maybe.

02:24:01.000 Maybe it made you more, those are like grooves that you naturally go into now.

02:24:06.000 Because of the neural pathways or something.

02:24:09.000 It dug something new.

02:24:11.000 Yeah, dug some new corridors. 1.00

02:24:13.000 The one thing about it was it would make me a bitch. 0.99

02:24:17.000 Ooh. 0.99

02:24:17.000 Because you would take it, I would take it. 0.99

02:24:19.000 And some spunk back in 2007, I'll tell you why.

02:24:23.000 You start coming down from it, and you're kind of just like aggro.

02:24:27.000 Oh, that makes sense.

02:24:28.000 You're like, ugh.

02:24:29.000 When did you stop taking it?

02:24:31.000 In 2019, right after Brody died.

02:24:34.000 It was literally, Brody died, and I was like, I need to stop taking Adderall's because I was so sad, I just wanted to sleep.

02:24:39.000 So I just stopped taking it cold turkey, and then I went into a psychosis, and then ever since then, I've never taken it again.

02:24:47.000 How long does psychosis last?

02:24:50.000 It was like three days.

02:24:52.000 I feel like it lasted longer for you because before you even left, there was a few days of like it built up to it.

02:25:00.000 It was like a slow...

02:25:01.000 I don't think it just hit and was three days and was over.

02:25:04.000 It was like a...

02:25:05.000 Almost like you're being, especially like with my experience with you, it's like I was being gaslit, like, not gaslit, but I'm like, am I, is she off or am I just being judgmental?

02:25:15.000 You know what I mean?

02:25:16.000 Where you're like, there's a few days where you're like, I think something's off or maybe she's in a really good mood and you kind of, I'm not sure to question it or maybe I'm off and I'm annoyed by her good mood, but I'm like, something's weird.

02:25:27.000 Let me tell you, going to the psych ward will change you.

02:25:31.000 72 hours psychiatric hold will do something to you.

02:25:35.000 What happened in there?

02:25:36.000 When I got there...

02:25:37.000 Good food, apparently.

02:25:39.000 The best food.

02:25:41.000 The best food.

02:25:42.000 Well, but also I probably wasn't eating for like 10 years because I was cracked down on that or all.

02:25:47.000 It was just food.

02:25:48.000 It was actually just food.

02:25:50.000 Yeah.

02:25:52.000 The best part of being in there was there was like a music segment where this old guy would come in and he'd have like a tambourine and we'd all sit around.

02:26:01.000 Some old retirement home entertainment going on.

02:26:05.000 No, but it was like, it was the only thing I looked forward to, like the music time.

02:26:09.000 Because it was like all these, it was just like four mentally ill people being like, what song do you want to hear? 0.99

02:26:15.000 I'm like, can you do Crosby, Sills, Nash& Young?

02:26:18.000 He's like, I can!

02:26:19.000 I'm like, great!

02:26:21.000 It sounds kooky in there.

02:26:23.000 It's very kooky.

02:26:24.000 There was a guy who, I remember I looked over and he wasn't wearing pants.

02:26:30.000 And he was on the phone with his wife.

02:26:32.000 And when you're on the phone, the phone's a short cord so you don't hang yourself with it.

02:26:37.000 Let me tell you.

02:26:42.000 This dude with no pants right next to the phone.

02:26:46.000 I became friends with this chick. 1.00

02:26:50.000 She's like, we gotta get a lawyer to get out of here. 1.00

02:26:52.000 I was like, you're right.

02:26:53.000 I'm like calling my parents.

02:26:54.000 I'm like, I need a lawyer to get out of here.

02:26:56.000 They're like, we put you in there.

02:26:59.000 You're not getting a lawyer to get out of there.

02:27:02.000 Oh my god, that's hilarious.

02:27:04.000 Alright ladies, I'm going to wrap this up. 1.00

02:27:06.000 Okay.

02:27:07.000 Fun times.

02:27:08.000 Tell everybody how to get your podcast, where you are on social media.

02:27:11.000 Hell yeah. 0.99

02:27:11.000 It's this bitch, Spotify, iTunes, YouTube. 0.99

02:27:16.000 Wherever you find podcasts. 0.99

02:27:17.000 Wherever you find podcasts.

02:27:18.000 New episodes of that every Monday.

02:27:20.000 And then you can find me on Wednesday on Shank.

02:27:22.000 That's S-H-E-N-K. And for show dates, at Princess Shank. 0.98

02:27:26.000 That's Princess like normal.

02:27:28.000 And then another S-H-E-N-K. Oh yeah, that's us.

02:27:30.000 That's us. 0.97

02:27:31.000 Yes, this bitch podcast, kimcongden.com for show dates. 1.00

02:27:34.000 Make sure you check out my special, Childless MILF. I'm recording it. 0.99

02:27:37.000 It's coming out in the new year.

02:27:39.000 I'm very excited about it.

02:27:40.000 The Kim Congden Takeover podcast.

02:27:42.000 I don't know when this comes out, but I have some shows in Austin this week, so check out my social media for that.

02:27:46.000 All right.

02:27:47.000 Beautiful.

02:27:47.000 Thank you, ladies.

02:27:48.000 Thank you.

02:27:49.000 Bye, everybody.

02:27:49.000 Bye.

The Joe Rogan Experience - November 30, 2023

Joe Rogan Experience #2071 - Kim Congdon & Sara Weinshenk

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Summary

Transcript