The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #2087 - Ron White

00:00:25.000 Let's have her do that and play with the puppy. 1.00

00:00:28.000 Yeah, she'll do that.

00:00:30.000 How old is she? 0.98

00:00:30.000 Six months? 0.98

00:00:31.000 Six months.

00:00:32.000 She's adorable.

00:00:32.000 What's her name again?

00:00:33.000 Maddie. 1.00

00:00:34.000 She's like a rug that shits. 1.00

00:00:38.000 That's what she is, man. 1.00

00:00:39.000 She's a little adorable little cutie pie. 1.00

00:00:43.000 She's a golden doodle.

00:00:44.000 Micro golden doodle is what they're calling them.

00:00:46.000 Micro golden doodle.

00:00:47.000 Yeah, so that's about how big she's supposed to be. 1.00

00:00:50.000 That's it?

00:00:51.000 That's as big as they get?

00:00:52.000 That one's supposed to.

00:00:53.000 I hope so.

00:00:54.000 Isn't it weird? 0.91

00:00:55.000 I still got to cram them on planes and shit when I would travel. 0.97

00:00:57.000 Those things all came from wolves. 0.98

00:01:00.000 Did they really?

00:01:01.000 Yeah.

00:01:02.000 I don't know anything about where she came from.

00:01:04.000 I got it from a breeder.

00:01:07.000 All dogs came from wolves.

00:01:09.000 They did?

00:01:09.000 It's just incredible that they can get a dog down to that.

00:01:12.000 I mean, even a German Shepherd.

00:01:14.000 Imagine turning a German Shepherd into a Chihuahua.

00:01:16.000 How?

00:01:17.000 How'd they do that?

00:01:18.000 I'm glad I'm not the one they're asking how to do it because I would have to say, I have no idea, dude.

00:01:23.000 I don't even think they know how people did it.

00:01:25.000 You get two Chihuahuas and let them bang. 1.00

00:01:29.000 That's the only...

00:01:29.000 That's the new way.

00:01:31.000 What if you can go back up to a wolf?

00:01:33.000 What if you can take chihuahuas?

00:01:34.000 And get back, just reverse DNA those things back into a creature? 0.70

00:01:39.000 Yeah.

00:01:39.000 Make it harder for them to live.

00:01:41.000 Is it hot in here?

00:01:42.000 No.

00:01:43.000 It's not?

00:01:43.000 No.

00:01:44.000 Oh, no.

00:01:45.000 Oh, no.

00:01:46.000 Then I miscalculated something.

00:01:48.000 I got a miscalculation going on in my head.

00:01:51.000 No, we're good.

00:01:52.000 It's like, what is it in here?

00:01:53.000 70? 0.99

00:01:55.000 It's cold as shit outside. 0.99

00:01:57.000 Yeah, it is. 0.98

00:01:58.000 I'm up in the air on the 22nd floor.

00:02:00.000 I'm still living in the condo.

00:02:02.000 It is breezy up there.

00:02:04.000 Yeah.

00:02:04.000 Boy, you open up that sliding glass door, you had a taste of reality.

00:02:09.000 A couple days ago, we could barely shut it or open it.

00:02:12.000 It was just so much pressure against it.

00:02:14.000 We were in Midland on Thursday night to do a show.

00:02:19.000 Thanks to you.

00:02:20.000 If you'd have just let me retire, I wouldn't have been in Midland.

00:02:24.000 I'm sitting on my bus, my 60,000 pound tour bus, and it is shaking in the wind.

00:02:29.000 It is blowing so hard.

00:02:31.000 And I've owned that bus 17 years.

00:02:32.000 I've never felt anything like this.

00:02:35.000 And just shaking.

00:02:36.000 And the bus driver had to drive it from there to Houston for the next night's show.

00:02:41.000 He got up ten hours later just wrestling that steering wheel trying to keep that thing on the road.

00:02:46.000 Oh my God.

00:02:47.000 His shoulders were killing him.

00:02:48.000 His back was sore.

00:02:50.000 It looked like he'd been in a fight all night long.

00:02:52.000 Ten hours.

00:02:53.000 What a bus is such a big target for wind, too.

00:02:56.000 There's so much surface area.

00:02:58.000 Like a big old sail.

00:02:59.000 Yeah.

00:03:00.000 But luckily, they weigh a lot.

00:03:03.000 So they're 60,000 pounds.

00:03:06.000 So it's pretty stable compared to a trailer that somebody's pulling.

00:03:12.000 There's no weight in that.

00:03:13.000 All that weight's right here.

00:03:15.000 That stuff really blows around worse than we do.

00:03:17.000 Yeah, I would imagine.

00:03:18.000 We have got weight distribution.

00:03:19.000 Just the whole trailer thing being connected. 1.00

00:03:21.000 I know all about this shit. 0.99

00:03:22.000 If you want to know any of it, just ask me questions. 1.00

00:03:24.000 Okay.

00:03:25.000 The hinge between the two trailers, if something goes sideways, I would imagine that would be a lot harder to get back on track.

00:03:31.000 I don't know jack shit about that.

00:03:33.000 In fact, I've owned my bus for 17 years. 0.97

00:03:37.000 I've never driven it one foot. 0.99

00:03:39.000 And if you held a gun to my head and said, I'm going to kill you if you don't move this bus, I'd say, you're going to have to kill me, dude, because I don't even know how to start it. 0.99

00:03:49.000 I've never been curious. 1.00

00:03:50.000 I'm not that kind of person.

00:03:51.000 I owned a jet for years.

00:03:53.000 I never went in the cockpit.

00:03:54.000 I couldn't tell you what goes on up there.

00:03:56.000 I'm sure the people up there knew how to fly a plane.

00:03:59.000 But I've never started it.

00:04:01.000 I've never moved it.

00:04:02.000 I've had cops bang on it.

00:04:03.000 You've got to move it.

00:04:04.000 You're blocking an alley.

00:04:05.000 I'm sorry, dude.

00:04:05.000 You've got the wrong guy.

00:04:07.000 And the guy that says the driver is asleep right now because he's got to drive tomorrow night.

00:04:11.000 So it's kind of sitting where it's sitting unless you guys want to tow it.

00:04:14.000 You've had that happen?

00:04:16.000 Yeah.

00:04:16.000 Oh.

00:04:17.000 Yeah, I had...

00:04:18.000 Yeah, because drivers can only drive so long.

00:04:20.000 Yeah, well, you drive 500 miles and then they go on overdrive.

00:04:25.000 So they make the same for the next couple hours that they made for the whole day.

00:04:30.000 So they like that.

00:04:32.000 But there are laws against how much they can run without needing some rest.

00:04:36.000 And we run that bus at night, so they've got to sleep during the day.

00:04:40.000 You're banking on people being able to stay awake.

00:04:42.000 People fall asleep at the wheel sometimes.

00:04:43.000 Yeah, you've got to go with super pros and pay them well.

00:04:46.000 Because those guys understand how important it is.

00:04:50.000 You've got everything on this thing.

00:04:53.000 My life, my friends' lives, and my family.

00:04:59.000 That's who I've spent the most time with in the last Whatever, 30 years.

00:05:06.000 So you get a pro that knows how to sleep, knows how to do it, knows how to work it, knows how to work those hours.

00:05:11.000 I got a great guy now that I just picked up named Steve, who used to work for Prevost fixing them.

00:05:18.000 And Fred the Patz, who built the bus.

00:05:21.000 So I got the bus covered, man.

00:05:22.000 That's nice.

00:05:23.000 Because you got like a little traveling apartment.

00:05:27.000 Yeah, it's the greatest.

00:05:29.000 You ought to get one.

00:05:30.000 In fact, I was looking at them the other day for you.

00:05:32.000 Dude!

00:05:33.000 I'm not getting one of those.

00:05:34.000 You ought to.

00:05:35.000 No.

00:05:36.000 You got a place to store it.

00:05:37.000 No.

00:05:38.000 Park it in one of your gyms.

00:05:39.000 No, just the thought of traveling around on highways while you're just kind of... 0.99

00:05:47.000 You're hoping all these other people around you can keep their shit together. 0.99

00:05:51.000 Right. 0.99

00:05:53.000 You just have regular people, not pilots, regular people driving multi-thousand pound machines on rubber tires, weaving in and out of lanes.

00:06:06.000 Yeah, you can't ever come on my bus with thoughts like that, spewing them out there.

00:06:10.000 I'll never sleep again.

00:06:11.000 You're ruining it for everybody.

00:06:13.000 Some guy just caught in front of me the other day, didn't see me on the highway, I don't think.

00:06:16.000 I think he just caught right in front of me, and I was like, wow.

00:06:19.000 Never saw you.

00:06:20.000 I don't think he saw me.

00:06:21.000 I think he just turned in my lane.

00:06:23.000 I think, you know, it was a left lane thing.

00:06:24.000 He was going into the left lane.

00:06:25.000 I just don't think he saw me.

00:06:26.000 You know, the problem with that bus is that you get so used to it and you're so used to living on it when it's moving.

00:06:34.000 And you kind of forget that you're standing there, but you're really going 70 miles an hour.

00:06:39.000 So if something happens, and this happened one time we were in Orlando...

00:06:42.000 And it was actually a cop that did it.

00:06:44.000 Cut in front of the bus.

00:06:45.000 I'm standing there washing dishes or whatever I was doing.

00:06:48.000 And then Pat's got to hit the brakes and turn to the left from going for...

00:06:53.000 Now I'm going 70 miles an hour.

00:06:55.000 I'm still going 70 miles an hour.

00:06:57.000 But he's going 52 and going that way.

00:07:00.000 And I'm going 70 miles an hour this way.

00:07:02.000 And I landed on this chair, which looks padded, but it doesn't feel padded when you hit it.

00:07:08.000 And...

00:07:09.000 I thought I would never walk again or breathe again after I just walked away from it.

00:07:13.000 I wouldn't even hurt.

00:07:13.000 But you got to sit down and remember, hey, this thing's moving, right?

00:07:17.000 So if something happens, you got to be ready for it to happen.

00:07:20.000 Yeah.

00:07:21.000 And I sleep like a baby on it.

00:07:23.000 That's crazy.

00:07:25.000 In fact, if I spend too much time on it, I've got to hire somebody to shake my bed when I'm at home just a little bit so I feel like I'm moving down the road.

00:07:31.000 If we wanted to look at the bright side of human beings, highways are a pretty good indicator that people, for the most part, keep it together.

00:07:42.000 For the most part.

00:07:43.000 I think that's really how you can really tell when you're back in America and how good we are at putting a country together, you know, is how good our roads are compared to, you know...

00:07:53.000 It's really funny, if you cross the bridge from Reynos, Mexico to Macau in Texas, which I used to do all the time, it was a joint project.

00:08:00.000 So the U.S. built half the bridge, Mexico built half the bridge.

00:08:03.000 And I'm not being a racist, and I love Mexican people.

00:08:06.000 I just got back from Mexico City.

00:08:08.000 But our side of the bridge is smooth as silk, and as soon as you hit that river, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.

00:08:15.000 But that just goes to what you just said.

00:08:18.000 It's a mark of what you've achieved as a civilization, the kind of road work that you've got.

00:08:24.000 And you get back to Texas where we got those U-turn lanes on the freeway.

00:08:29.000 We got it figured out here in Texas, man.

00:08:31.000 We got the best roads ever.

00:08:32.000 Best roads ever. 0.99

00:08:36.000 It's just counting on all those people to keep their shit together all the time while you're driving on the highway. 0.99

00:08:43.000 And most people do it. 1.00

00:08:44.000 Most people, the vast majority of us, keep our shit together. 0.98

00:08:48.000 That's why I think bus drivers should make more than pilots. 1.00

00:08:51.000 Because there's way more shit to run into. 0.99

00:08:53.000 Oh yeah, way more. 0.99

00:08:54.000 And way more things that can make mistakes that are all around you.

00:08:58.000 Right, you're right.

00:08:58.000 Things that are completely out of your control.

00:09:00.000 That isn't going on up in the sky there. 1.00

00:09:02.000 There's also people play stupid road games. 0.99

00:09:04.000 I'm sure you've seen those. 1.00

00:09:07.000 People get aggressive with each other on the road.

00:09:09.000 When you're in a car, and this was explained to me, I forget who told us, who told us this with the reason why road rage really exists at such a hyper level is because you're really tuned in because you're driving the car.

00:09:23.000 It's an extraordinary thing.

00:09:25.000 You're really, you know, you know things are happening fast, your mind's tuned in. 0.99

00:09:28.000 So any little thing like, what the What the fuck? 0.99

00:09:30.000 Yeah, right. 0.98

00:09:31.000 Because you're already at, like, seven.

00:09:32.000 Right.

00:09:33.000 And so when you're already at seven and something happens, it just freaks you out.

00:09:38.000 You know, it's amazing how even-headed I think I am, but what really little it takes to set me off.

00:09:44.000 You know, I like to think I'm a step above all that stuff, but...

00:09:48.000 I was in Mexico City the other day, and this guy, I needed to find something, a pharmacy, and so this guy was in the nice Beverly Hills part of Mexico City, and this guy's walking, he's got a business suit on, and I literally, I don't look that great,

00:10:03.000 my hair's all over the place, and And I said, can you tell me where a pharmacy is?

00:10:08.000 And the guy didn't even look at me.

00:10:09.000 He just kept on running.

00:10:09.000 I said, please, could you just tell me where a pharmacy is?

00:10:12.000 And the guy didn't even look at me. 1.00

00:10:13.000 I said, fuck! 1.00

00:10:14.000 You know, I went off on the fucking guy. 1.00

00:10:16.000 You know, he just tried to get where he was going and didn't want to be stopped by some big, hairy, drug-addicted-looking thing, you know, that was coming at him. 1.00

00:10:23.000 You do look a little sketchy.

00:10:25.000 Like, if you're asking for where the pharmacy is and I don't know who you are, I can see some suspicious thoughts.

00:10:30.000 And I'm basically wearing pajamas and, you know, the wind's blowing.

00:10:36.000 But that's how far I am away from really snapping.

00:10:39.000 I'm not hovering above anything, I don't think.

00:10:44.000 There was always the joke that you'd go to pharmacies in Mexico and just buy anything.

00:10:48.000 Is that true?

00:10:49.000 Because people would always say that.

00:10:51.000 They would call them like Mexicans. 1.00

00:10:52.000 I was always calling them Mexican supplements.

00:10:54.000 Yeah.

00:10:55.000 Like steroids and things that people could buy over there.

00:10:57.000 Is it true?

00:10:57.000 There are some things that you can get like Valium and stuff like that, but you can't go down there and get like opioids or...

00:11:04.000 Oh, no?

00:11:04.000 I don't think so.

00:11:05.000 I don't know.

00:11:06.000 I don't know.

00:11:07.000 I'm just...

00:11:08.000 I mean, according to a few TikTok videos I've seen, you can walk in and get lots of, like, steroid-type stuff, for sure.

00:11:14.000 I'm looking on, like, for some...

00:11:15.000 Yeah, you can get HGH and stuff like that, but that's not what you're talking about.

00:11:19.000 I'm talking about everything.

00:11:21.000 Like, what can you get?

00:11:22.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:11:22.000 No, I don't think it's really that open a book.

00:11:25.000 I know you can get cheap dental care down there.

00:11:27.000 But I think they decriminalized a lot of things in Mexico fairly recently.

00:11:31.000 This isn't anything that crazy.

00:11:32.000 You can get that stuff here.

00:11:33.000 Lexapro.

00:11:33.000 So you can just go in with no prescription and buy...

00:11:36.000 Viagra.

00:11:38.000 But the weird ones, like Lexapro, that's like an antidepressant, right?

00:11:42.000 I have no idea what that is.

00:11:43.000 You could just go buy penicillin.

00:11:45.000 Yeah, and why not?

00:11:46.000 I mean, why should you have to go through it? 0.99

00:11:48.000 If you know if you need penicillin, your dick's dripping, you know, get something for it. 0.99

00:11:52.000 You know, go down there and patch it up. 0.99

00:11:54.000 You don't want to admit it to anybody.

00:11:56.000 That thing is a Viagra. 1.00

00:11:57.000 It's a blue pill itself.

00:11:58.000 Ah, that's hilarious. 1.00

00:11:59.000 Look at the dick on that. 0.99

00:12:00.000 What does it say? 0.99

00:12:01.000 Macho Caliente? 0.75

00:12:02.000 Very hot.

00:12:03.000 That's what that means.

00:12:04.000 Very hot. 0.99

00:12:05.000 It's a pharmacy with a dude with a boner. 0.89

00:12:08.000 He's got abs, too. 0.81

00:12:10.000 He's got a little gut, but it's like a mix between me and Rogan. 0.99

00:12:14.000 He's got a big old fucking upper body and a gut hanging down there. 1.00

00:12:18.000 It's a human Viagra pill with a boner at a pharmacy. 1.00

00:12:22.000 And a Sobrero.

00:12:23.000 And a Sobrero.

00:12:25.000 Yeah, it's too bad you can't see this.

00:12:27.000 Oh, I guess some people watch this on television, right?

00:12:29.000 Yeah, some of them do, yeah.

00:12:30.000 Isn't that that thing from, like, the ancient times?

00:12:33.000 Yes, it is, but it's also, I think it's a sleeping pill.

00:12:35.000 Right, but it's right next to a bottle of shampoo, right?

00:12:39.000 Or that's lotion, body lotion.

00:12:41.000 Isn't it kind of ironic that Soma, is it sleeping medication?

00:12:44.000 I don't know what it is.

00:12:47.000 Because the original Soma was like... 1.00

00:12:50.000 Muscle relaxer.

00:12:52.000 So the original Soma, they don't even know what it was.

00:12:55.000 There's all sorts of questions as to what it was.

00:12:58.000 They think it had something to do with mushrooms, perhaps, but it might have been a bunch of other psychedelics, too.

00:13:04.000 They don't know what it was.

00:13:05.000 I still don't know what it is.

00:13:07.000 Have you heard the term?

00:13:08.000 No.

00:13:08.000 You've never heard the term Soma?

00:13:09.000 Uh-uh.

00:13:10.000 It's like an ancient term for some sort of a magical elixir.

00:13:15.000 Am I saying that right?

00:13:16.000 Yeah, I mean, when I Google it, it says that it itself is also a god, so I don't even...

00:13:21.000 Some drink is most famous.

00:13:22.000 I want some.

00:13:23.000 Yeah, ancient Indian drug, Soma.

00:13:25.000 Oh, this is right down my alley.

00:13:26.000 Made from a plant called Soma is a god and a drink that was used as an offering to the gods in some Vedic rituals.

00:13:35.000 Soma was celebrated at an early period as shown in the hymns of the Rig Veda.

00:13:42.000 Wow.

00:13:43.000 From when?

00:13:44.000 They don't really... 0.99

00:13:45.000 Oh, fucking thousands of years ago. 0.99

00:13:47.000 When was that? 0.99

00:13:48.000 And they still use this today?

00:13:50.000 No, it's just, you know, it's used as like a term, as like a Soma, as like a thing that cures all.

00:13:57.000 A Soma is a thing that clears minds. 1.00

00:14:02.000 You know, there's various interpretations of what it does.

00:14:07.000 But it's kind of crazy that they named a muscle relaxant that.

00:14:10.000 Like, how brazen.

00:14:12.000 How brazen!

00:14:13.000 I bet you do feel better, though, overall.

00:14:15.000 I bet you feel great.

00:14:16.000 Yeah, my muscles are pretty relaxed all the time.

00:14:19.000 Yours aren't.

00:14:19.000 You need the muscle relaxant.

00:14:21.000 What do those do to you?

00:14:22.000 They just conk you out?

00:14:23.000 They make me play better golf because it takes the tension out of my shoulders and my swing.

00:14:28.000 Yeah, a lot of golfers use all kinds of meds to get loose.

00:14:34.000 Or they actually go down to Stretch Lab and And get those muscles all stretched out so you can play.

00:14:39.000 I've heard with pool players, Percocets is a big one.

00:14:42.000 Well that's all nerves, right?

00:14:44.000 I mean if you can't...

00:14:46.000 Is that what Percocets do?

00:14:48.000 Well, yeah, I think so.

00:14:49.000 You know, calm your nerves or deaden them or whatever, you know?

00:14:54.000 I've never taken it.

00:14:55.000 I've been watching this. 0.51

00:14:56.000 There's a pool player that comes up on my feed now, and he's like an old, kind of chubby, fat, Mexican-looking guy. 1.00

00:15:02.000 And he's like the greatest pool player that ever lived, you know?

00:15:05.000 Efren Reyes.

00:15:05.000 Is that who it is?

00:15:06.000 From the Philippines. 1.00

00:15:07.000 Fuck, man. 1.00

00:15:08.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:15:08.000 I've been watching that guy play a little bit. 1.00

00:15:11.000 Once it gets on my TikTok, it starts feeding to me if I know I eat it.

00:15:15.000 Oh, here, have another one.

00:15:16.000 Have another one. 1.00

00:15:17.000 But I like watching this guy play fucking pool. 0.99

00:15:19.000 I'm just like, God, he's fearless. 1.00

00:15:22.000 He's got ice water just pumping through his veins.

00:15:24.000 He's a wizard, man.

00:15:26.000 Like a real wizard.

00:15:26.000 He does things on a pool table.

00:15:28.000 There he is.

00:15:30.000 Yeah, that guy right there.

00:15:31.000 That guy's all over my TikTok feed now.

00:15:33.000 I can't get him off.

00:15:34.000 He does things on a pool table that are like magical.

00:15:38.000 How old is he?

00:15:39.000 Well, he's older now.

00:15:40.000 You know, he's probably in his late, yeah, like 69 says.

00:15:45.000 That's old for a pool player.

00:15:47.000 He still plays all the time.

00:15:48.000 They live stream videos of him playing people down in the Philippines.

00:15:52.000 That's what I'm getting, I think.

00:15:54.000 Yeah, so they have these setups.

00:15:56.000 Efren Reyes is really arguably the greatest pool player in the history of pool players.

00:16:02.000 And he's now still playing all the time online.

00:16:07.000 And he plays online.

00:16:08.000 And he's not as good as he was when he was in his prime because he's 69 years old.

00:16:12.000 He's a young man's game. 1.00

00:16:15.000 I played pool my whole life.

00:16:17.000 We had a pool table at my house when I was a kid.

00:16:20.000 So I always liked watching trick players and people that could run the table and do weird shots and stuff like that.

00:16:29.000 This guy changed the way people stroke the ball.

00:16:33.000 He came along and he had this very loose and relaxed hand grip on the cue.

00:16:39.000 Right.

00:16:39.000 Where some of the American players, they were a little too tight with their hand on the cue.

00:16:45.000 And Effred came along and it was like this flowing sort of like almost like he was playing a musical instrument.

00:16:51.000 Right.

00:16:52.000 And the way he did it is so relaxed that his stroke Like, the way the cue ball would dance around the table was wild to watch, man.

00:16:59.000 Wild to watch.

00:17:00.000 Maybe that's what I'm so intrigued about, because I don't know exactly what I'm seeing, but I was watching it on that, and you could see he does have a different motion into the ball, it even looks like, you know, with that...

00:17:11.000 Well, you've played pool before.

00:17:12.000 Yeah.

00:17:13.000 Right?

00:17:13.000 So if you've played pool before, you know, like, when someone looks like they're good.

00:17:17.000 Like, oh, that guy looks like he can play pool.

00:17:19.000 You watch that guy, and you're like, oh, this is like a completely different kind of thing.

00:17:23.000 And then you would guess that...

00:17:24.000 That I would guess if I saw him on the street that I could beat him at pool. 0.99

00:17:28.000 And then he would have all my money and I would go, what the fuck happened to me just now? 0.99

00:17:33.000 They brought him over to America under a fake name to hustle with them. 0.98

00:17:38.000 They brought him over as Cesar Morales.

00:17:40.000 So these backers, they came from the Philippines, these dudes with big money, they came to America and they brought that dude. 0.99

00:17:47.000 No shit. 1.00

00:17:48.000 Yeah, that's their killer. 1.00

00:17:49.000 And they brought him, the pool world is so sneaky.

00:17:53.000 They brought him in under a fake name, because they didn't want people to ask around back to the Philippines, like people to make calls to the Philippines, hey, who's this Efrem Reyes guy?

00:18:01.000 And then everybody would just say, oh, he's the best, he's the best.

00:18:04.000 So instead, they just came up with a name, Cesar Morales.

00:18:07.000 And he won this giant tournament as Cesar Morales.

00:18:10.000 It's like a famous... 1.00

00:18:11.000 No shit. 0.99

00:18:12.000 Yeah, I have it on a t-shirt, that. 0.99

00:18:14.000 Morales stuns field at Reds So they just bring him in like the biggest pool tournament in the country and this guy's just robbing everybody Just robbing everybody just just getting out in ways that people like oh my god Like his stroke his knowledge of where the balls going the creativity Just a genius genius genius a virtuoso.

00:18:38.000 Yeah Well, I actually knew nothing about him, except my phone figured out that I liked watching him.

00:18:45.000 Right.

00:18:45.000 But you could still tell.

00:18:47.000 Yeah.

00:18:48.000 Even though you don't play a lot of pool, you look at that, you could tell.

00:18:51.000 You're like, wow.

00:18:53.000 That's wild.

00:18:53.000 Yeah, I never played a lot of pool.

00:18:55.000 I was never good.

00:18:55.000 I never had a good eye for the game.

00:18:57.000 I played a lot, so I could play.

00:18:59.000 You know, I could beat my friends.

00:19:00.000 Yeah.

00:19:01.000 But if somebody came in, it was like ping pong.

00:19:03.000 I could beat it.

00:19:03.000 I beat the guys on my block pretty bad, but if somebody came in that was a player, they could just...

00:19:08.000 Push me around and shove me out of the door.

00:19:10.000 I've had a couple fun opportunities to play like real pros here.

00:19:14.000 Like this guy, Fedor Gorst.

00:19:16.000 He's probably number two or number three in the world.

00:19:20.000 Incredible player.

00:19:22.000 And me and him played for hours here.

00:19:24.000 And we're playing.

00:19:25.000 It's wild just to watch him up close do things. 1.00

00:19:28.000 You go, what the fuck? 1.00

00:19:30.000 Like, how are you doing that so effortlessly? 1.00

00:19:32.000 Yeah.

00:19:33.000 It's like watching a professional golfer when you play golf, you know? 1.00

00:19:36.000 The smoothness and the precision, it's just like, fuck, man. 0.98

00:19:41.000 Yeah, that's why I watch pro golfers, and I get to play with them every once in a while, and it's actually kind of like that guy's loose thing, you know? 0.99

00:19:48.000 That's how that golf swing is.

00:19:50.000 It's really loose, and nothing's really connected hard to anything, just the way it comes through the ball, something magic happens.

00:19:59.000 I'm trying to strangle the club and beat it to death and it doesn't work at all.

00:20:05.000 I'm writing a book right now, 50 years of bad golf, how I did it.

00:20:10.000 I had a plan to do it this bad for so long.

00:20:14.000 Tony says you play good.

00:20:16.000 You know what?

00:20:17.000 I'm back like I was at anything.

00:20:19.000 I can beat guys my age. 1.00

00:20:21.000 If you don't know me and we're playing golf together, I'll kick your ass. 1.00

00:20:25.000 But am I a player? 1.00

00:20:27.000 No.

00:20:27.000 There are guys 10 years older than me that can beat me to death on a golf course.

00:20:32.000 Any of those old pro guys that I hook up with every once in a while.

00:20:35.000 Daily can still beat me like a drum.

00:20:38.000 Isn't it interesting?

00:20:39.000 It's like there's a control of a game like that.

00:20:44.000 What an extraordinary talent because it's so variable.

00:20:48.000 There's so many things going on.

00:20:50.000 You literally do never do the same thing twice the whole time you play golf your whole life because something's going to be different.

00:20:58.000 About the wind and the way and where you went, the kind of lie you got on the ground, what club you need to get to that.

00:21:04.000 It's all a game of questions.

00:21:06.000 And you rarely have the answer.

00:21:09.000 Even Ben Hogan, who is arguably the best ball striker ever, said that in an average day of golf, he hits two shots the way he wanted to, exactly.

00:21:18.000 And the rest of them are close to that.

00:21:20.000 So his misses are really good.

00:21:23.000 So if I hit one shot a month about, then I'll go, that was perfect.

00:21:29.000 And that's about how often I can do it.

00:21:32.000 Everything else is pretty good.

00:21:33.000 It's such a fascinating game.

00:21:36.000 Yeah, you don't have the time.

00:21:39.000 You don't have the time.

00:21:41.000 Nope, nope, I don't.

00:21:43.000 I'm scared of it.

00:21:45.000 I'm scared I'd love it.

00:21:46.000 You would, but you've always had that position, right?

00:21:50.000 You've always kind of looked at golf.

00:21:51.000 That's what people that want to get into golf, they think about starting.

00:21:55.000 It's a waste of time and money.

00:21:58.000 You need to understand that going into it.

00:22:00.000 More time than you can ever imagine.

00:22:02.000 You have to settle with how good you want to be, because to be better than that, you've got to spend hours and hours doing it.

00:22:08.000 But if you want to just rake it around and gamble with your friends, you don't have to practice all that much.

00:22:14.000 I knew quite a few comic buddies that I think lost a little inspiration in their career because they were spending so much time playing golf.

00:22:23.000 Well, that's how I killed my days, and I still do to this day.

00:22:26.000 When I was on the road like you were, I don't know what you were doing during the day, but I was trading tickets for free golf, schmoozing it wherever I could.

00:22:36.000 So you just play everywhere you go.

00:22:38.000 Yeah, we still do.

00:22:39.000 That's nice.

00:22:41.000 We travel at night, wake up at a golf course, crawl out, you're in the parking lot.

00:22:45.000 It's like you were FedExed over there.

00:22:47.000 That's great.

00:22:48.000 Crawl out of the box and play some golf, you know? 0.98

00:22:51.000 Kill another day. 0.99

00:22:52.000 Kill another day. 1.00

00:22:53.000 You're over here building an empire. 1.00

00:22:56.000 I'm killing another day. 0.99

00:22:58.000 Yeah, but killing another day is sweet. 0.98

00:23:00.000 Yeah. 0.93

00:23:01.000 To be able to do it that way.

00:23:02.000 I mean, what is life?

00:23:03.000 What is life, if not enjoyment?

00:23:05.000 It's all about love.

00:23:07.000 Yeah.

00:23:07.000 It's all about love.

00:23:09.000 How much do you love?

00:23:10.000 How much care you loved?

00:23:12.000 You know, outside of that, nothing really means much, but...

00:23:15.000 Yeah.

00:23:16.000 But that's, you know, it's a waste of time or whatever.

00:23:19.000 I can do charity events with golf.

00:23:21.000 People like to see me, you know, shake hands, and I like doing that kind of stuff, so, you know.

00:23:26.000 Well, you just love the game.

00:23:27.000 I do love the game.

00:23:28.000 You love talking about the game.

00:23:29.000 I watch it, you know, because I play it, you know, like you in fighting, you know, exactly, because you know exactly what that is that they're doing.

00:23:37.000 You can't even hardly explain it to me.

00:23:40.000 Even when you're trying to, to make me really understand what's going on exactly.

00:23:45.000 When two guys are on the ground and it looks like nothing's happening, then you're losing your mind because there's so many things happening.

00:23:51.000 That's a hard one to explain, too, because I'm trying to explain it while it's actually happening, so I have to have the path carved out in my head, especially on some transitions that guys do, when they go and mount to rear naked choke, and I'm trying to set up what he's going to do while not stepping on what they're doing,

00:24:08.000 and then it's like this weird dance with a description of what's happening in real time.

00:24:14.000 Right, that's why nobody can ever take your job.

00:24:17.000 God, a lot of guys could do that.

00:24:18.000 No, that's not true.

00:24:19.000 A lot of guys could do that.

00:24:20.000 That's not true.

00:24:21.000 No, those guys are awesome at it.

00:24:22.000 If Rogan doesn't say it, it doesn't get said.

00:24:25.000 And that's true.

00:24:26.000 That's how people feel.

00:24:27.000 They sit around waiting for you to tell them what to think and do as far as fighting goes. 0.99

00:24:33.000 That's ridiculous. 0.97

00:24:34.000 No, there's guys that are better at it than me. 0.92

00:24:36.000 Like, Dominic Cruz is better at it from a technical standpoint than me.

00:24:41.000 He was a UFC champion.

00:24:43.000 He's had a shit ton of fights.

00:24:45.000 He knows a lot about the technical details.

00:24:47.000 But he's not Joe Rogan.

00:24:51.000 It's not as fun to hear.

00:24:52.000 For me, the fun, I get it.

00:24:54.000 But for me, the fun is the fight. 0.99

00:24:56.000 The fun is the who the fuck knows what's going to happen. 0.99

00:25:00.000 You can tell that. 1.00

00:25:01.000 You can see the joy in your face that it brings you with all these fucking events. 0.97

00:25:07.000 Well, you're getting to see literally the greatest Fist fighters of all time. 0.97

00:25:12.000 The greatest stand-up, ground-fighting, MMA-fighting warriors of all time.

00:25:19.000 They exist right now.

00:25:20.000 It's pretty exciting.

00:25:21.000 And I get that, and I get that it's the ultimate sport.

00:25:24.000 Okay, I'll fight you.

00:25:26.000 You know, that's how wars should be decided.

00:25:28.000 One guy and one guy.

00:25:30.000 Instead of, we're going to take our lower middle class, put them in a field with your lower middle class, they're going to kill each other. 1.00

00:25:37.000 You ought to just fight me in the fucking alley. 1.00

00:25:41.000 That's too difficult, rotten wife. 1.00

00:25:42.000 So they'd rather just fight you with narratives. 0.98

00:25:44.000 Right.

00:25:45.000 Fight you with mandates, fight you with laws.

00:25:47.000 But you know me, I won't listen to their narratives.

00:25:49.000 Yeah.

00:25:49.000 That's how I defend myself.

00:25:51.000 I'm really careful about what information I let in my head because I don't know what's going to stew around in there.

00:25:57.000 I hear you, man.

00:25:58.000 I hear you, especially in this day and age.

00:26:00.000 And also, there's so much to worry about. 0.96

00:26:02.000 Every fucking time I get on the news and I start reading what's happening in the world every day, it's something new that's insane that you have to worry about. 0.97

00:26:12.000 I know. 0.99

00:26:13.000 And that's why I'm just real careful about what news I let in my head.

00:26:19.000 Don't let it in.

00:26:20.000 And I've got news feeds on my phone.

00:26:23.000 These are news organizations that I trust that if something wacko in the world is going to happen, it's news, and they're going to pick it up. 0.72

00:26:31.000 But if it's something completely unverifiable that I don't even need to fucking know, they're not going to pick it up.

00:26:37.000 But I know when people go down that fucking dark road in the web, they come out on the other side, and sometimes you can't get them back. 0.94

00:26:46.000 You know, they're full-blown. 0.97

00:26:48.000 I got friends that came back full-blown QAnon.

00:26:51.000 They believed it. 0.95

00:26:53.000 There's Satan worshiping cabal of Democrats that eat babies. 1.00

00:26:57.000 I'm like, where are all the missing babies? 0.86

00:26:59.000 You know, how many babies does it take to feed all the Democrats if they're all drinking the blood of the babies?

00:27:05.000 There's going to be some missing babies, right, somewhere?

00:27:08.000 No.

00:27:08.000 No, yeah, they're from overseas.

00:27:11.000 They've got some answer to anything you throw at them.

00:27:14.000 Tom Hanks, like, that's not true!

00:27:16.000 Tom Hanks still making movies!

00:27:18.000 Tom Hanks didn't eat a baby?

00:27:19.000 Yeah, he did.

00:27:20.000 And they believe it.

00:27:22.000 Where did the Tom Hanks one come from?

00:27:24.000 I don't know.

00:27:24.000 Where did that one come from?

00:27:25.000 It's just straight out of QAnon.

00:27:26.000 It was their basic doctrine.

00:27:29.000 In the beginning was all this bizarre claims.

00:27:33.000 And I got a friend that's...

00:27:34.000 Well, you met her, and I'm not going to say her name, but...

00:27:38.000 I mean, she believes this with all of her heart.

00:27:41.000 Right.

00:27:42.000 All of her heart.

00:27:43.000 And there's nothing I can do to say, you know, nothing I can do.

00:27:49.000 Nothing I can do to change her mind.

00:27:51.000 Ron, I think at least a certain portion of that is other governments. 0.99

00:27:58.000 Fucking with people. 0.99

00:28:00.000 Absolutely it is! 1.00

00:28:02.000 And you can sway the uninformed.

00:28:08.000 They're not uninformed, they're misinformed.

00:28:10.000 They're informed, you know, they're taking in information, but it's just the wrong information.

00:28:15.000 You can be easily manipulated by that kind of stuff.

00:28:18.000 I mean, the human nature wants to go where it finds comfort, you know.

00:28:22.000 And if somebody's feeding you what you eat, you'll go that way, you know, even if it's not good for you.

00:28:28.000 And people have a very strong desire to uncover mysteries.

00:28:32.000 Right.

00:28:33.000 You know, very strong desire to get to the truth.

00:28:36.000 Yeah.

00:28:36.000 Because in important situations, there's something real going on.

00:28:40.000 That's a good quality.

00:28:42.000 It's a good quality to have.

00:28:43.000 But if it's, you know, they're eating babies, it's like, okay, what's the benefit of eating babies?

00:28:51.000 Like, why are they doing this?

00:28:53.000 It gives them some kind of superpower, you know.

00:28:55.000 It's so bizarre and so off of any, what I would consider, realm of possibility, even part of it being true.

00:29:04.000 But, you know, people go down there, and they'll see just a path of things that lead them, you know, some of it true, some of it not true, not true, not true, not true, and they'll head off down that direction.

00:29:13.000 They don't come back, you know.

00:29:16.000 It can separate families, man, that don't talk to Grandpa anymore. 0.99

00:29:21.000 He's gone off the fucking deep end. 0.98

00:29:22.000 And you know what's really insidious about that? 0.99

00:29:25.000 Is that the more crazy ones that are out there, and the more people start linking them all together, The more real conspiracies sneak through. 0.99

00:29:36.000 Because if you wanted to hide a real conspiracy, I would hide it in a bunch of other bullshit conspiracies. 0.99

00:29:43.000 I'd put a bunch of bullshit ones out there. 1.00

00:29:45.000 Sure. 1.00

00:29:46.000 I'd make it so that morons believe that Michelle Obama has a dick. 1.00

00:29:50.000 Exactly. 1.00

00:29:51.000 I would just pump it out everywhere.

00:29:53.000 I'd make fake videos.

00:29:54.000 And that's exactly what's going on.

00:29:56.000 That's what's going on.

00:29:57.000 But if you did that, though, then you could sneak in some real conspiracies that otherwise people would think, well, that's outrageous.

00:30:05.000 That kind of corruption would be uncovered.

00:30:07.000 That kind of corruption would be prosecuted.

00:30:09.000 And you're like, wait, no one's going?

00:30:11.000 Anybody's getting busted for this?

00:30:13.000 Right.

00:30:14.000 What?

00:30:15.000 Right, and nobody is.

00:30:16.000 Right, so it's not really happening.

00:30:18.000 It's bananas!

00:30:19.000 And also, people want to, you know, I know somebody that has no formal education, right?

00:30:26.000 I don't have any formal education.

00:30:27.000 I didn't make it through high school.

00:30:29.000 My favorite joke that I ever wrote was, I do have a GED, and if you don't know what GED stands for, you've probably got one too.

00:30:37.000 That's one of my favorite jokes.

00:30:38.000 But, you know, they would love to have the answer to a question.

00:30:44.000 You know, they would love to be able to make a point of some kind.

00:30:47.000 You know, they would love to, but they can't, because they're just sitting around watching other people do it, and I wish I could think of something to say, and I can't think of anything to say.

00:30:54.000 Well, if there's somebody feeding them something to say, now they get real loud about it because they have a point to make even though they don't understand it at all.

00:31:03.000 They just know how to sound like they're making a point like Lauren Boebert or Marjorie Taylor Greene or whoever.

00:31:11.000 That's who they were. 0.94

00:31:12.000 And now they feel like they can make a point so they're being real fucking loud about it. 1.00

00:31:16.000 But if you've actually been around a while, you just sit around and shake your head and go, you're a goddamn idiot. 1.00

00:31:21.000 But All you gotta do is be the smartest person in your region, and boom, you're in Congress, you know? 1.00

00:31:28.000 They think she's smart as fuck down there in that one little section of Georgia where my tailors out of. 1.00

00:31:36.000 The problem with it is how many people that you know want to run the government? 0.98

00:31:42.000 How many people do you know?

00:31:43.000 How many people that you know that are really healthy, clear-thinking, business-minded people that have been successful that want to run the government?

00:31:55.000 Nobody.

00:31:56.000 So you're not getting any of those folks?

00:31:58.000 No.

00:31:59.000 What you're going to get is you're going to get their money.

00:32:02.000 To influence things in the direction they'd like to see it go without them having to be there.

00:32:08.000 Doing day-to-day stuff on it.

00:32:09.000 So they can have influence on it, but they don't want to.

00:32:12.000 Do they want to be the President of the United States?

00:32:14.000 Do they have it set up like a minor league?

00:32:16.000 Like they groom politicians, they get them to a position, and like, I like how you stand on this, but maybe if you stood a little bit further on this line, we could support you on this.

00:32:27.000 Oh, absolutely.

00:32:27.000 And then they start grooming them.

00:32:28.000 Grooming them for the big stage.

00:32:30.000 Just like you would do with like regional plays, and all of a sudden you're on Broadway.

00:32:34.000 Right.

00:32:34.000 Well, you know, that's the religious right.

00:32:37.000 You know, they're You know, they wanted somebody, they wanted to get rid of abortion, so what are they going to do? 0.63

00:32:42.000 They got to stack those courts.

00:32:43.000 What are you going to do?

00:32:44.000 You're going to, okay, we got, there's a trillion of us, and we'll put you in office, and we'll be, but you got to, you got to put this judge here and this judge there, so what, our thing comes to pass, so that's just the way it works.

00:32:57.000 I'm even more cynical.

00:32:58.000 I just can't believe that human beings as a whole haven't resolved a bunch of different things.

00:33:05.000 There's a bunch that I don't believe are really coming back around.

00:33:09.000 I think people are making this argument that they're coming back around and they're highlighting moments where it's coming back around.

00:33:19.000 Coming back around to what?

00:33:21.000 I just don't.

00:33:25.000 I think this is one of the weirdest times ever for human beings to communicate.

00:33:30.000 And I think because there's so many of us, and there's so many people that are talking, and there's so many voices, and it's happening on everyone's phone. 0.93

00:33:42.000 And it's happening all over the fucking world, all at once. 0.93

00:33:45.000 Never been like this ever. 0.99

00:33:46.000 Ever.

00:33:47.000 In the history, and it makes you wonder where it's going.

00:33:49.000 I think it's short-circuiting everything.

00:33:51.000 I do too.

00:33:52.000 It's short-circuiting our government.

00:33:54.000 It's short-circuiting...

00:33:55.000 It makes me nervous.

00:33:55.000 And one of the things that makes me nervous, this government that we have, it's complicated.

00:34:00.000 It is complicated.

00:34:01.000 It is complicated.

00:34:01.000 So you just can't be some douchebag on the side going, I want them out of there.

00:34:06.000 You got to have a plan because this thing's got to work.

00:34:09.000 You don't want separation of church and state?

00:34:12.000 Well, why don't you just move to Iran then? 0.98

00:34:14.000 Because that's what happened over there.

00:34:16.000 The religious right took over.

00:34:17.000 Now our laws are your laws.

00:34:19.000 That used to be a pretty normal place.

00:34:21.000 People don't believe that. 0.99

00:34:22.000 But Iran used to be fucking strawberry rivers and shit and normal people with jobs and Ron, there were people that were willing to laugh at people's deaths because they didn't want to get vaccinated for COVID. There were people like that at the same time thinking they're good people. 0.99

00:34:44.000 Yeah.

00:34:44.000 All on the internet.

00:34:45.000 I know.

00:34:47.000 I know.

00:34:47.000 You know, when it came to all that stuff, you know me, I don't talk about politics on stage.

00:34:51.000 And I never knew, and I never will.

00:34:54.000 And it's not, oh, you just want to be able to sell tickets to both people.

00:34:57.000 But no, I want stand-up comedy to be a place where we can laugh.

00:35:01.000 And I'm going to do what I, you know, so I'm not going to take a position.

00:35:05.000 I never did.

00:35:06.000 If I was a political commentator before, okay, that's fine.

00:35:08.000 If I'm not Bill Maher.

00:35:10.000 So I don't bring it into my show because I want us all to come in and just be able to fucking laugh together and find out how much that matters.

00:35:17.000 And at the end of my shows now, I'm reminding people that no matter what our differences are, we just still came to this room and we all laughed at the same thing and we laughed hard and we loved each other and we had a great experience.

00:35:27.000 Let's remember that.

00:35:28.000 Let's try to get back to that.

00:35:29.000 Right. 0.99

00:35:30.000 You know, instead of all these stupid little things that makes it look like we have... 0.99

00:35:36.000 It's like fake rivalries almost. 0.99

00:35:38.000 It's not like Texas and Oklahoma, they're the same place.

00:35:45.000 There's no difference between those two places, and they act like, well, we're Oklahoma, and somebody put that in their head.

00:35:52.000 What I was getting at was that if they're willing to do that over just some issue of whether you want to or don't want to get a vaccine, what would they do if they really believed that God was on their side?

00:36:03.000 What would they do in a really bad...

00:36:05.000 Anything they could.

00:36:07.000 When things go really bad.

00:36:09.000 Anything they could.

00:36:10.000 When the power goes out for a while.

00:36:12.000 Anything they could.

00:36:14.000 Yeah, and justify it.

00:36:16.000 And that's what's dangerous, is they genuinely do believe that.

00:36:20.000 Yes.

00:36:21.000 That we would be better off if we did things like this, for sure, under these laws of God in this book.

00:36:28.000 By when Jesus would get back to his basic teachings that I really dug, you know, which is love each other.

00:36:35.000 Love, love, love.

00:36:37.000 And wait a minute, that was Lennon.

00:36:38.000 But still, Jesus was singing a similar song about, you know, with a good positive message.

00:36:45.000 And that message was always of love, you know, back when I went to church.

00:36:49.000 And, you know, my uncle's still a preacher to this day.

00:36:52.000 Dr. Charles Pollard's still preaching to the American Indians out in Farmington, New Mexico for no money, you know.

00:36:58.000 Wow.

00:36:58.000 Has 23 people about at every service.

00:37:01.000 Then he goes to jails and...

00:37:03.000 And he's 90 years old, you know, still working to this day, still knocking it out for the Lord.

00:37:09.000 And he used to be the president of the Southern Baptist Convention, my uncle did.

00:37:15.000 So that was a very powerful position.

00:37:18.000 And then he fell out of favor with him because he just didn't believe in some of the doctrine.

00:37:23.000 And then he started, he showed up at my grandmother's birthday party on a Harley with no shirt on.

00:37:28.000 I'm like, oh no, Uncle Charlie's gone nuts.

00:37:34.000 So he went down to Corpus, I think it was, and he started this kind of gospel according to Charlie thing.

00:37:41.000 And then it was just kind of a phase he went through.

00:37:46.000 But now he still believes in that basic doctrine.

00:37:52.000 I love him to death.

00:37:54.000 He's one of my favorite people.

00:37:55.000 I'll talk to him all day long.

00:37:57.000 He's a treasure, really is.

00:37:59.000 And just a sweetheart of a guy, all about love and sweetness.

00:38:03.000 That's awesome.

00:38:04.000 His wife died and I asked him, I said, Knowledge of God and Jesus, and did that help you with her death?

00:38:14.000 And he goes, nope, not a bit.

00:38:17.000 It hurt, and it hurt, and I hated, and I didn't understand it.

00:38:21.000 I was like everybody else.

00:38:23.000 It didn't even help.

00:38:26.000 But that's just how honesty is.

00:38:28.000 Wow.

00:38:31.000 Uncle Charlie!

00:38:32.000 Isn't it fascinating how much religion is practiced by so many different people in so many different ways? 0.99

00:38:39.000 And yet, if someone tried to start a new one right now, good fucking luck. 0.99

00:38:44.000 Good luck. 0.98

00:38:45.000 The feds would investigate you immediately.

00:38:48.000 If you start your own religion, if you bought some land out in Bastrop and the Ron White Church.

00:38:54.000 You're already thinking about doing this, aren't you?

00:38:56.000 You're just putting my name on it.

00:38:57.000 I know what you're doing.

00:38:58.000 I'm not interested in any of those activities.

00:39:00.000 I'm not either.

00:39:01.000 But if you did...

00:39:02.000 I would get my uncle to come run it.

00:39:04.000 But you would 100% get investigated.

00:39:06.000 Oh, yeah, I would.

00:39:07.000 But if you wanted to open up a Catholic church, if you said you converted to Catholicism, and you wanted to open up Ron White's Catholic church, they'd be like, oh, respectable position to take, Ron.

00:39:19.000 Good for you.

00:39:20.000 Congratulations on converting.

00:39:21.000 It's hard to get new money.

00:39:23.000 Yeah, you can't be a startup in the religion world.

00:39:26.000 I think that's what Uncle Charlie found out.

00:39:29.000 You've got to be hooked to a brand of some sort.

00:39:32.000 You have to be in business with the big guys.

00:39:36.000 Like Scientology, you can get wild and go with them.

00:39:41.000 Or Mormons, you can get wild and go with them. 1.00

00:39:43.000 But if you just want to go straight Christian, there's a very acceptable pathway. 0.99

00:39:48.000 Yeah, and you...

00:39:50.000 And I can get along with you.

00:39:52.000 If you're Scientology, that one's really hard for me to swallow, but it is just difficult.

00:39:58.000 Let me ask you this.

00:39:59.000 Like, what are the standards?

00:40:00.000 Like, say if you wanted to start a church.

00:40:02.000 Like, if you were legitimately committed to the Bible and you became like a Bible scholar...

00:40:07.000 But all you've really done is write science fiction novels.

00:40:11.000 No, no, no, no.

00:40:12.000 That's that guy.

00:40:13.000 That's the Scientology guy.

00:40:14.000 But I'm saying if you wanted to start a church, like a Christian church, What would be the requirements?

00:40:21.000 If you just say, you know, I've been studying the Bible for 10 years.

00:40:24.000 I want to teach at a church.

00:40:26.000 Could you just open up a church?

00:40:28.000 How does that work?

00:40:30.000 You're asking me this like I've done it, but I haven't.

00:40:33.000 I'm trying to get you to do it.

00:40:34.000 That's the next thing I'm trying to get you to do.

00:40:36.000 Yeah, I know what you're up to.

00:40:37.000 That's how you manipulate people, Joe.

00:40:39.000 That's how he built his empire, by the way.

00:40:41.000 You look like a Jesus-type figure.

00:40:43.000 What are the requirements, Jamie, if you wanted to start the Church of Jamie?

00:40:47.000 This is a perfect question for ChatGPT, I thought, so I asked ChatGPT and there are 12 steps they gave me.

00:40:52.000 12 steps.

00:40:53.000 Determine your purpose and beliefs.

00:40:55.000 Clearly define the purpose and beliefs of your church.

00:40:57.000 This includes your mission, vision, and core doctrines.

00:40:59.000 Okay.

00:41:00.000 Two, legal structure.

00:41:01.000 Choose a legal structure for your church.

00:41:03.000 Options may include becoming a non-profit organization, establishing a religious corporation, or forming a religious association.

00:41:10.000 Consult legal experts to determine the best structure for your situation.

00:41:14.000 Name it.

00:41:14.000 Okay.

00:41:15.000 So it seems like you just have to, like, get a legal thing, you know, like some sort of an LLC or something.

00:41:21.000 Yeah.

00:41:21.000 What you want is the tax-exempt status, and the rest of it doesn't really matter.

00:41:26.000 You get that tax-exempt status, then you can start hoarding wealth in the name of Jesus Christ of the Latter-day Saints or whatever, and you can hold all these billions of dollars in real estate holdings all under that tax-exempt status.

00:41:40.000 If they start, you know, this is the only thing that gets me going, is big church.

00:41:44.000 Big church.

00:41:46.000 We need to tax big church. 0.99

00:41:48.000 And those pastors, those mega churches, they need to be looked at under the biggest, brightest light you can look at.

00:41:57.000 Joel Osteen. 1.00

00:41:58.000 Fuck you, Osteen. 1.00

00:41:59.000 I tried. 1.00

00:42:00.000 He said it right here first.

00:42:03.000 Mattress Max makes a much better...

00:42:06.000 To me, if you want an example of how Christ wanted us to live, it would be Mattress Max and not Joel Osteen.

00:42:15.000 I don't know who Mattress Max is.

00:42:16.000 Well, he's the guy that bets 10 million bucks on the Astros every year and wins.

00:42:24.000 This is how he got famous.

00:42:25.000 That's Mattress Max right there.

00:42:28.000 During the big floods in Houston just a few years ago, Here's two things that happened.

00:42:34.000 Mattress Max, people were literally dying in the street.

00:42:38.000 Mattress Max owned huge furniture stores.

00:42:42.000 Come up here.

00:42:43.000 He opened them up.

00:42:43.000 Sleep on them couches.

00:42:44.000 I don't care, and I'll find a way to make food for you guys. 0.98

00:42:47.000 And, I mean, people bringing hot dogs and shit down there, making everybody food, slept. 0.97

00:42:52.000 Just make sure you're comfortable. 0.98

00:42:53.000 Make sure you're safe.

00:42:54.000 And look at it.

00:42:57.000 This is it.

00:42:57.000 All these people over at Mattress Max's furniture store, he brought in everybody he could.

00:43:02.000 But Joel Osteen wouldn't even let him in the door because they just had the carpets redone at his cathedral church, and he didn't want people tracking shit in there. 0.78

00:43:12.000 Didn't he eventually give in, though, and let people stay there? 0.96

00:43:15.000 I don't think so.

00:43:16.000 I thought he did.

00:43:17.000 Well, if he did, he did it for the wrong reason, right?

00:43:20.000 Mattress Max did that for the right reason.

00:43:22.000 These people needed to get in out of the cold and wet and whatever.

00:43:26.000 There he is.

00:43:27.000 There he is.

00:43:29.000 He defended not opening Lakewood Church in Houston to Harvey victims.

00:43:33.000 He defended it.

00:43:34.000 Yeah, because that carpet was just cleaned, and look at him.

00:43:38.000 Bro, that's so crazy.

00:43:40.000 First of all...

00:43:41.000 Look at him.

00:43:43.000 It's so obvious.

00:43:47.000 Doing something like that is so obvious.

00:43:49.000 You have a private jet.

00:43:51.000 It's so obvious.

00:43:52.000 You have a mansion.

00:43:53.000 It's so obvious.

00:43:54.000 How much does that watch?

00:43:56.000 This is so obvious.

00:43:57.000 What are you doing?

00:43:57.000 It's so obvious.

00:43:58.000 This is not...

00:44:00.000 It did eventually.

00:44:02.000 Correct.

00:44:03.000 Wait, this is even weeks after that post.

00:44:06.000 The super-duper rich church guy. 0.99

00:44:08.000 It's a fucking crazy thing. 0.99

00:44:11.000 And you know that I could do it. 0.99

00:44:15.000 I could totally do it.

00:44:16.000 That would be my calling.

00:44:18.000 That's what I'm saying.

00:44:18.000 You should do it.

00:44:19.000 That doesn't mean I should do it.

00:44:21.000 Yes, listen, if you do it, we'll all join.

00:44:23.000 We all get tax-free something.

00:44:24.000 We'll work something out.

00:44:25.000 Right, and it'll just be us.

00:44:28.000 Can we bring the 11 million people that listen to your show?

00:44:32.000 Yeah, everybody under one umbrella.

00:44:34.000 Come on, guys.

00:44:35.000 Come on, get behind this. 0.99

00:44:36.000 We don't even know what it is yet, but we're going to let you know.

00:44:38.000 That's the thing you can never do today.

00:44:40.000 Like, imagine trying to start a new country today. 1.00

00:44:44.000 Fuck you. 1.00

00:44:45.000 We would never let you. 1.00

00:44:46.000 No, uh-uh.

00:44:47.000 Never.

00:44:48.000 No, we'd thumb you. 1.00

00:44:49.000 Yeah, get the fuck out of here. 1.00

00:44:50.000 It's like, just like you trying to start a new religion. 1.00

00:44:53.000 Uh-uh.

00:44:54.000 Nope.

00:44:55.000 Nope.

00:44:56.000 No new countries, no new religions. 0.94

00:44:58.000 We're not hearing it. 1.00

00:45:00.000 Religions have to be old as fuck, so they might be true. 1.00

00:45:03.000 Right, or at least have some kind of connection to some really ancient text. 1.00

00:45:08.000 Yeah, or the Scientology one, they just threatened to sue.

00:45:12.000 That was a genius move.

00:45:14.000 What they did was amazing.

00:45:16.000 They threatened thousands of lawsuits.

00:45:18.000 Everyone was going to file a lawsuit.

00:45:20.000 They're all lawyers. 1.00

00:45:21.000 The same with the fucking Latter-day Saints guys. 1.00

00:45:24.000 You've got a bunch of lawyers. 1.00

00:45:26.000 You've got to give it up to them.

00:45:27.000 That's pretty ballsy.

00:45:30.000 And it worked.

00:45:31.000 And you're selling a...

00:45:33.000 Something that's not easy to sell.

00:45:36.000 You know, that story, I mean, none of it is.

00:45:38.000 You know, the stories I believed.

00:45:41.000 Well, that's why I wrote that beautiful joke that didn't work the other day about the Christians and the lions. 0.99

00:45:47.000 Oh, yeah, yeah.

00:45:48.000 Let me break that down for your listeners.

00:45:51.000 Because I'm writing, apparently I'm writing my worst stuff right now.

00:45:54.000 Because now I can write stuff that nobody will laugh at out of 250 people.

00:45:57.000 250 people don't like it.

00:45:59.000 But when I was a kid, I was raised in the Baptist Church.

00:46:02.000 Uncle Charlie, my preacher, when I was little.

00:46:06.000 But there was a storybook Wasn't the Bible, but it was just something we got in Sunday school and depicted Christians being fed to the lions, which always stuck in my craw that that was a big story, a big deal.

00:46:18.000 I mean, you know, I know we've all been oppressed, but feeding them to the lions, that's a pretty big deal.

00:46:23.000 And I really thought it was universal knowledge.

00:46:25.000 So when they were looking for a new name for the Washington Commanders, I suggested the Christians. 1.00

00:46:32.000 And I thought about this joke for three days, and I thought about the buildup of laughter it was going to get.

00:46:36.000 It was going to work so well, and they were going to end up changing the name of the comedy club to Ron White's Mothership because of this one joke and how well it worked.

00:46:43.000 But the way it was going to start, the rumble was going to start, when Detroit comes to town, they're going to make the connections of Detroit, Lions, Lions, Christians, my storybook from my childhood.

00:46:55.000 And that's the rumble of the really hip laughter.

00:46:58.000 Because when the Lions get back to the...

00:47:01.000 That's the next laugh was going to be.

00:47:03.000 When the Lions meet the Christians on a pleaving playing field, we're, you know... 1.00

00:47:07.000 So...

00:47:09.000 None of it got a laugh.

00:47:10.000 None of it worked.

00:47:11.000 And they stared at me.

00:47:13.000 And there was a good crowd, too.

00:47:14.000 They were waiting for the next funny thing that I said.

00:47:17.000 And that was it.

00:47:18.000 And I really was expecting it.

00:47:20.000 And I was never been so wrong about a joke.

00:47:22.000 Do you think you're just old enough to where you're like over that curve where the Christians and the Lions were more recent than they were before? 0.96

00:47:31.000 Yeah, I just don't think everybody got that storybook.

00:47:34.000 Nobody gets that anymore.

00:47:35.000 No, I didn't.

00:47:36.000 Well, obviously.

00:47:37.000 We used to get it.

00:47:37.000 I got it.

00:47:38.000 I got Christians and Lions. 0.94

00:47:39.000 Yeah.

00:47:40.000 I got that connection.

00:47:41.000 I don't think kids get that connection. 0.99

00:47:42.000 But you said you would have told me not to do it, which was a lie, because you would have told me to do it, because you want me to try new shit. 0.98

00:47:47.000 I always wanted to. 0.97

00:47:47.000 I was joking around when I said, I would have told you not to do it. 0.97

00:47:51.000 No, you would have told me to do it, and you would have been wrong.

00:47:53.000 But you told me it bombed before I ever found out about it.

00:47:56.000 It did bombed so bad.

00:47:57.000 I laughed so hard at how wrong I was. 1.00

00:48:02.000 But that's how you fuck around and find out. 0.99

00:48:06.000 Bits are fascinating. 0.99

00:48:08.000 They change their structure on stage.

00:48:11.000 I could do five minutes now on why that joke didn't work.

00:48:14.000 But that would be way more entertaining than the joke ever was.

00:48:19.000 Show up Tuesday.

00:48:20.000 Dude, I was watching a video today of this lion gone wrong situation in a circus.

00:48:27.000 Oh my god.

00:48:30.000 These people, this lion attacked this dude and they're hitting it with a hose. 0.99

00:48:34.000 I mean, this guy's getting fucked up by this lion. 0.98

00:48:37.000 And they're spraying it with a hose to get it off. 0.99

00:48:39.000 That's how they get it off with a water hose.

00:48:41.000 And he gets away, and then the lion gets him again.

00:48:44.000 And the lion gets him again, and they're water-hosed in it, and they're beating it.

00:48:46.000 You got footage of this?

00:48:47.000 Yeah, there's footage of it.

00:48:49.000 It looks like it's Russian. 0.98

00:48:52.000 If you don't find it, Jamie, I'm 99% sure I saved it on my phone, because it's so fucked up. 0.95

00:48:59.000 But I'd have to go through it, and that would be some dead air. 0.98

00:49:02.000 Russian hose.

00:49:03.000 I forget who sent it to me.

00:49:05.000 You don't edit these things, do you?

00:49:07.000 The podcast?

00:49:08.000 Yeah.

00:49:08.000 No.

00:49:09.000 I want it to be like this.

00:49:10.000 Right, right, right.

00:49:11.000 Yeah, I like a little dead air.

00:49:12.000 This is it.

00:49:13.000 So, something happens.

00:49:14.000 Oh, it's a circus thing.

00:49:15.000 Yeah, something happens. 0.98

00:49:17.000 This line just decides, E-fucking-nuff. 0.98

00:49:19.000 Ooh. 0.96

00:49:21.000 I mean, this thing just jacks us, too.

00:49:23.000 Yeah, well, that's what happened to, you know.

00:49:24.000 See, they're spraying them with a hose to try to get them off. 0.99

00:49:27.000 I mean, this guy got fucked up. 1.00

00:49:29.000 I mean, he got fucked up by those lines. 1.00

00:49:33.000 That is so scary. 0.99

00:49:34.000 Yeah.

00:49:35.000 To have a thing like that bite you.

00:49:36.000 Right.

00:49:37.000 What are you doing in there? 1.00

00:49:39.000 Are you fucking crazy? 1.00

00:49:41.000 That's what a Ziegfeld and Ziegfried and Roy. 1.00

00:49:42.000 Ziegfried and Roy.

00:49:43.000 I can't even think of them.

00:49:44.000 Ziegfried and Roy.

00:49:45.000 That happened in that room that I played at the Mirage.

00:49:48.000 That was their room, man.

00:49:49.000 That's where that whole thing went down.

00:49:51.000 Yeah, it dragged him off.

00:49:54.000 Bit him by the neck and dragged him off.

00:49:57.000 In front of a live audience.

00:49:59.000 There's all the speculation to why it did it.

00:50:01.000 All the speculation.

00:50:02.000 No one knows.

00:50:03.000 No one knows. 1.00

00:50:04.000 It just decided, I'm going to bite this guy's neck and drag him off.

00:50:07.000 There was a thought that it was afraid of some woman had feathers on her hat in the audience and that it threw him off. 0.99

00:50:16.000 And I'm like, you really think that fucking tiger's scared of a lady with feathers on her head? 0.99

00:50:20.000 That doesn't make any sense. 1.00

00:50:22.000 Yeah, I think he just decided to bite that guy's neck.

00:50:25.000 But I'm not a tiger. 1.00

00:50:26.000 Maybe that guy was being a prick. 0.89

00:50:29.000 You know, under the guise of being an animal lover, but at night he was like going, don't give him the expensive food and, you know, give him that cheap. 0.98

00:50:35.000 Well, maybe it was probably punishment.

00:50:38.000 It's probably what they do to the Tigers to get them to listen.

00:50:42.000 Right.

00:50:42.000 You know, like, what did they do when they were training them?

00:50:44.000 You know, did they ever cross a line where the Tiger always remembered the time you heard it?

00:50:48.000 Right.

00:50:48.000 And then it lashes out at you.

00:50:50.000 Yeah, I'm gonna find a fucking opportunity. 1.00

00:50:52.000 I'm gonna sit here. 0.99

00:50:53.000 Yeah, you'd think the Tigers won't have...

00:50:55.000 It's gonna be served cold, baby.

00:50:56.000 It's gonna be served cold.

00:50:58.000 It seems like, for the most part, they got along with those tigers for a long time, though.

00:51:02.000 That's what's weird.

00:51:02.000 They lived at their house, right?

00:51:04.000 Yeah.

00:51:04.000 Siegfried and Roy, they lived at their house.

00:51:06.000 They were at one with them. 1.00

00:51:07.000 They fucking cuddled them and loved on them. 0.99

00:51:10.000 And they do say that tigers, when they protect their cubs, that's how they do it. 1.00

00:51:13.000 They grab them by the neck and they drag them off.

00:51:15.000 But he's just too frail for it to do that, too. 0.99

00:51:18.000 It just fucked him up. 0.99

00:51:20.000 Yeah, right. 0.99

00:51:21.000 Those were big men, big, strong men.

00:51:23.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:51:25.000 These guys were weightlifters and circus people, but nothing compared to that fucking lion. 1.00

00:51:30.000 You're not like a cub. 1.00

00:51:31.000 A lion cub, like the way a lion picks up the cub.

00:51:34.000 It has all the skin, so it grabs all that extra skin. 1.00

00:51:37.000 You don't have any skin, so it just grabs your fucking neck. 0.99

00:51:39.000 Yeah, it's all vital organs and shit. 1.00

00:51:41.000 It was a shame that he lived a long time as a crippled person. 1.00

00:51:50.000 Well, he did.

00:51:51.000 He lived several years, right?

00:51:53.000 It was just a horrible story, man, and that the show was shut down.

00:51:57.000 Because, like, that's the reality of having tigers on a stage in front of a bunch of people.

00:52:02.000 Like, you just don't know.

00:52:03.000 It's just for one reason or another, some crazy person could stand up and freak out and yell, and the thing could just launch itself out of them.

00:52:12.000 Is this it?

00:52:12.000 The question is...

00:52:14.000 Oh, don't you show it to me, son of a bitch. 1.00

00:52:15.000 I've been trying to find it. 1.00

00:52:16.000 What could go wrong?

00:52:18.000 Everything.

00:52:18.000 You've got to ask yourself that question.

00:52:20.000 What could go wrong?

00:52:21.000 Because that might...

00:52:23.000 Wait, he was saying something about his diminishing relationship with that lion?

00:52:26.000 This is a video from four or five years ago.

00:52:29.000 I was trying to see if it had an answer to all the questions you guys were asking.

00:52:33.000 But it said something about his diminishing relationship with it.

00:52:36.000 Oh my god, he rode it like a horse?

00:52:38.000 There's speculation from someone they asked on this.

00:52:40.000 Yeah, like an ex-employee or something.

00:52:42.000 I think I saw that.

00:52:43.000 He was going...

00:52:44.000 The tiger and him were not getting along?

00:52:46.000 That's, again, it's a speculation.

00:52:48.000 It says new allegations about the attack, which would have been like 15 years after the attack even happened.

00:52:53.000 Dude, almost nothing scares me more than animals.

00:52:57.000 Right?

00:52:57.000 I'm so scared of them.

00:52:59.000 That's why you go out of your way to kill them when you can. 1.00

00:53:03.000 I'm not scared of those. 1.00

00:53:05.000 You should be.

00:53:07.000 Bores? 0.79

00:53:07.000 Don't you hunt boar? 0.79

00:53:08.000 Yeah, I do.

00:53:09.000 Yeah, those things can kill you, Joe.

00:53:11.000 They definitely can.

00:53:12.000 Yeah.

00:53:13.000 They can.

00:53:14.000 I'm thinking elk more. 0.99

00:53:16.000 The boar thing in Texas is fucking bananas. 0.99

00:53:19.000 I just love it when they catch them all in them cages. 0.99

00:53:22.000 And then what do they do with it?

00:53:24.000 Can you eat them?

00:53:24.000 Is it just pig meat, right?

00:53:26.000 Yeah, it's pig meat.

00:53:27.000 It's just pork?

00:53:27.000 Oh, it's really good.

00:53:28.000 You make really good bacon and shit out of it? 0.99

00:53:30.000 Why are there any homeless, hungry people if we've got those wild boar all over the place? 0.99

00:53:35.000 Wild boar are very good.

00:53:37.000 Very good.

00:53:38.000 There's a guy in town, Jesse Griffiths, he owns Dai Due restaurant, and he's a real wild game cooking expert and an amazing chef.

00:53:47.000 And he has wild boar dishes at his place.

00:53:49.000 He even teaches people how to hunt wild boars, cook them, and how to hunt them down, how to fire a rifle, the whole deal.

00:53:58.000 Takes them through the whole thing.

00:53:59.000 Butcher them, cook them. 1.00

00:53:59.000 Skin them, eat them, shit them into their commode. 1.00

00:54:02.000 Fuck with me. 1.00

00:54:02.000 He's like, they're delicious. 1.00

00:54:03.000 Fuck with me. 1.00

00:54:05.000 But it's also, it's not just a renewable resource, but you really, we have an obligation to kill them. 1.00

00:54:12.000 There's too many. 1.00

00:54:13.000 Yeah, they're fucking up land. 0.99

00:54:14.000 Oh, there's an insane, there's millions and millions of them in Texas. 0.99

00:54:18.000 Yeah.

00:54:18.000 And they keep, they have babies three times a year sometimes.

00:54:21.000 They can have babies when they're six months old.

00:54:23.000 Can I tell you a story about a frog?

00:54:25.000 Yeah.

00:54:26.000 I lived on a lake, Lake LBJ, in this house, and there was a frog, big bullfrog.

00:54:32.000 And he was, lived by my And I would go out there and I would see him and he'd always jump in the water.

00:54:38.000 and uh and but he was that's where he lived he was always a big old fat thing that this big biggest bullfrog i'd seen and i'd go down there and fish and then they'd come back there and then one night he didn't jump he stayed there and i'm like oh he's not afraid of me anymore the next night i brought a net down and i caught him and i killed him and ate him and i shit him into my toilet and uh and the other frogs went out and told other frogs don't go near there because that's what's going on he's He's just waiting for you to be still.

00:55:07.000 He's going to kill you and eat you and shit you into his toilet. 1.00

00:55:10.000 You think they figured that part out? 1.00

00:55:11.000 I think they did.

00:55:12.000 I didn't see any more frogs after that.

00:55:15.000 After the missing of that one frog.

00:55:16.000 Yeah.

00:55:17.000 I bet if you started feeding them, they'd be hanging around. 1.00

00:55:20.000 But if you start killing them... 1.00

00:55:22.000 Yeah, right. 1.00

00:55:24.000 It's not going to catch on.

00:55:26.000 Do you think they do a roll call?

00:55:27.000 They try to figure out where everybody is?

00:55:29.000 Because some animals do that.

00:55:31.000 Do they really?

00:55:31.000 Yeah, maybe that's what frogs are doing.

00:55:33.000 Uh-oh, where's Toby?

00:55:36.000 Yeah, what are they doing when they're doing those noises? 0.96

00:55:39.000 Those noises are cool as fuck, by the way. 0.71

00:55:41.000 Have you ever by a lake at night and hear frogs making noises? 0.98

00:55:44.000 Oh, it's so cool.

00:55:45.000 I hate them.

00:55:46.000 Really?

00:55:46.000 We had those little frogs.

00:55:48.000 That noise?

00:55:48.000 When I lived in Atlanta, you know what we did?

00:55:49.000 That's amazing. 0.97

00:55:50.000 They were bark with a mouth that big on a little frog, barely that big, making this big old loud noise that bugged the shit out of me. 0.94

00:55:56.000 And they were easy to catch. 0.92

00:55:58.000 There was a flashlight because they don't know that you can see them.

00:56:01.000 And they're making all that racket.

00:56:02.000 You can just pick them up, put them in a can, and then we would take them.

00:56:06.000 This guy I didn't like had a pond right behind the house, and we'd go dump them all over there.

00:56:10.000 And he's like, I don't know.

00:56:11.000 Frogs around here. 1.00

00:56:12.000 Get fucked. 1.00

00:56:14.000 Yeah, I don't know. 1.00

00:56:15.000 Not over at my house or not.

00:56:17.000 Yeah, that's one of those little...

00:56:18.000 This is night music, Ron.

00:56:22.000 No, this is not the ones we had.

00:56:24.000 We had ones where...

00:56:25.000 We just needed to put together a better band.

00:56:28.000 Yeah.

00:56:29.000 Well, they're going to put that band together over at that pond behind that guy's house, because that's where they all live now.

00:56:35.000 The thing about frogs, like, they're very predatory.

00:56:39.000 Like, frogs, have you ever seen frogs in, like, a cage with mice?

00:56:42.000 It's one of the most disturbing things you'll ever see in your life.

00:56:45.000 No, I've never seen that.

00:56:46.000 This is a giant Asian frog.

00:56:47.000 I had it on my Instagram.

00:56:49.000 It's on YouTube.

00:56:50.000 This is giant, some kind of Asian frog.

00:56:53.000 That one, the second one down. 0.75

00:56:57.000 The yellow, where he's yellow.

00:56:58.000 Watch this one. 1.00

00:56:59.000 This one is fucking insane. 1.00

00:57:01.000 This frog's insane. 1.00

00:57:02.000 So they put these little rats. 0.98

00:57:03.000 I can't tell if they're mice or rats.

00:57:05.000 Those are mice, right?

00:57:06.000 Yeah.

00:57:07.000 They look like mice. 1.00

00:57:08.000 Okay, so they put these mice in this fucking... 1.00

00:57:11.000 No, those are rats, man. 1.00

00:57:12.000 Those are little rats.

00:57:14.000 Yeah, those are rats.

00:57:15.000 Yeah, okay.

00:57:16.000 And then they put this giant frog in there with them.

00:57:20.000 And I don't know why they're trying to jump and get out, and all of a sudden the frog just decided to start eating them.

00:57:25.000 I think...

00:57:27.000 I think they're just trying to get out.

00:57:29.000 But look what he does. 1.00

00:57:31.000 He's a monster. 0.94

00:57:32.000 This is like a Star Wars monster. 0.95

00:57:33.000 Oh my god.

00:57:36.000 Oh dude, he eats them all.

00:57:38.000 It's Jabba the Hutt!

00:57:38.000 Yeah, exactly.

00:57:39.000 He eats them all?

00:57:41.000 This one's not effective.

00:57:42.000 I think he's probably already full.

00:57:44.000 Look how fat he is!

00:57:45.000 They probably filmed these all day long. 0.77

00:57:47.000 God, how cruel.

00:57:49.000 Is anybody trying to put a stop to this?

00:57:54.000 Nobody's putting a stop to it.

00:57:55.000 Nobody cares about the rats and the frog world.

00:57:59.000 Rats or frogs.

00:58:00.000 Get no respect. 0.98

00:58:01.000 We'll make that part of our religion.

00:58:03.000 Isn't it funny, though?

00:58:04.000 If the rat was eating the frog, I'd be more disturbed.

00:58:09.000 Oh, my God.

00:58:10.000 Look at how gross that thing is. 1.00

00:58:12.000 Yeah.

00:58:13.000 Look at it.

00:58:13.000 Look at how big it is.

00:58:15.000 I've never even seen a frog shaped like that.

00:58:18.000 Oh, look at it.

00:58:20.000 Slow motion.

00:58:21.000 Come on over here.

00:58:22.000 Yeah, let me tell you something.

00:58:24.000 I've got a little story for you.

00:58:26.000 It seemed like the rat ran right in there. 1.00

00:58:28.000 Like, fuck it, let's just get this over with. 1.00

00:58:30.000 Oh my god, what a way to die. 1.00

00:58:32.000 With your balls hanging on the chin of a thing that's swallowing you. 1.00

00:58:36.000 Look at those little balls. 1.00

00:58:40.000 Oh, the last dying quiver. 1.00

00:58:42.000 Oh, bro, he's going to stay alive inside of that thing's gut for quite a while.

00:58:44.000 Do not let your children watch this. 0.99

00:58:46.000 This is really, really gross.

00:58:48.000 So disturbing.

00:58:49.000 Yeah.

00:58:50.000 I'm trying to unsee it, and I can't do it.

00:58:52.000 I can't do it.

00:58:53.000 That's what happens.

00:58:54.000 That's nature, man.

00:58:55.000 That's part of the Joe Rogan experience right there.

00:58:58.000 That's nature.

00:58:59.000 That's why you shouldn't have crocodiles in the street. 0.99

00:59:02.000 That's why you shouldn't import wolves into your neighborhood.

00:59:05.000 That's right.

00:59:06.000 That's why you shouldn't bring grizzly bears back to California.

00:59:09.000 Slow down, everybody!

00:59:11.000 My mother wants a... 1.00

00:59:12.000 You know how low things got with mom.

00:59:15.000 Now, I want a cat!

00:59:17.000 And I'm like, no, mother, you can't have a cat.

00:59:20.000 Jeannie's allergic to cats. 0.99

00:59:21.000 No, I want one of those Bengal cats.

00:59:24.000 They're hypoallergenic.

00:59:25.000 Oh, my God.

00:59:26.000 For my mother, my 90-year-old mother.

00:59:29.000 And, yeah, I think they're pretty good-sized cats, like 15, 20 pounds.

00:59:34.000 And I'm like, no.

00:59:35.000 She said, I want you to get me a Bengal cat for my 90th birthday.

00:59:39.000 And I said, Mother, number one, I'm not advancing you any more birthdays.

00:59:43.000 You've got to show me the number.

00:59:44.000 You've got to get to the number before you get your 90. I'm not fronting you any 90th birthday.

00:59:48.000 You have to get to that number to get that present, because you already got them.

00:59:52.000 You know, you're already advanced all you can.

00:59:54.000 So...

00:59:54.000 So if she lives to be 90, she might get them.

00:59:58.000 Wow.

00:59:59.000 It's just a few months away.

01:00:00.000 Am I thinking of the same kind of cat?

01:00:02.000 Like, which ones are Bengals?

01:00:04.000 It's a horrible idea.

01:00:06.000 There's some of them that are basically like a wild cat.

01:00:09.000 Yeah, well, they're not very many generations removed, I think, is the problem.

01:00:13.000 And I think they're perfectly good cats, but they're really big and they're really a lot of energy.

01:00:18.000 They're kind of different because you can take them out on a leash and stuff.

01:00:21.000 My mother doesn't want to do that. 1.00

01:00:22.000 Take your cat on a leash?

01:00:24.000 Or something.

01:00:25.000 A little lap dog. 1.00

01:00:25.000 Am I fucking this up? 1.00

01:00:28.000 Is it the same thing? 0.97

01:00:30.000 Is a bangle the same thing as those other ones that like... 1.00

01:00:32.000 No, I think they're called bangle kittens, you know?

01:00:35.000 Yeah, that's it right there.

01:00:36.000 That's just a regular bangle cat.

01:00:39.000 Okay, so that's a regular cat.

01:00:41.000 So I'm thinking of that.

01:00:42.000 I'm thinking of a serval.

01:00:44.000 Oh, yeah, no.

01:00:45.000 Okay, so what is...

01:00:46.000 A bangle cat's just a cat, right?

01:00:48.000 Is that just a cat?

01:00:49.000 Yeah, but it comes from the bangle tiger.

01:00:52.000 And, you know, they're just a handful.

01:00:54.000 You know, it's not like a big old floppy lap cat. 0.82

01:00:57.000 These cats, you know, they're big-time killers.

01:01:00.000 They've got to be involved in stuff.

01:01:02.000 They've got a lot of energy.

01:01:03.000 They're big and strong.

01:01:05.000 So they're up to like, you know, 15, 20 pounds, I think.

01:01:08.000 Look at the description.

01:01:10.000 The Bengal cat is a domesticated cat breed created from a hybrid of the Asian leopard cat with domestic cats, especially the spotted Egyptian mao.

01:01:22.000 Yeah, there you go. 0.75

01:01:23.000 In my head I was like, I think I fucked up and it's the wrong one. 0.99

01:01:26.000 That one is crazy. 0.98

01:01:28.000 I've seen people have that one as a pet.

01:01:30.000 You have?

01:01:31.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:01:32.000 Did John Jones have one of those as a pet?

01:01:34.000 That's just a lion. 0.99

01:01:36.000 Didn't he have a crazy cat?

01:01:38.000 What does he have?

01:01:39.000 Oh, yeah.

01:01:40.000 What kind is that?

01:01:41.000 That looks like that bingo cat. 0.99

01:01:43.000 Yeah, it does look more like that than the serval cat.

01:01:45.000 It says serval, though, doesn't it?

01:01:47.000 I typed that in.

01:01:48.000 I don't...

01:01:48.000 I was...

01:01:49.000 Oh. 1.00

01:01:50.000 What kind of fucking cat is that, man? 1.00

01:01:51.000 I don't know. 1.00

01:01:52.000 Does it have a jacket on? 0.99

01:01:53.000 Yeah, it's kind of like a fucking leash. 1.00

01:01:56.000 That's a big-ass cat. 1.00

01:01:58.000 Yeah.

01:01:58.000 Bro, I would not...

01:02:00.000 Donald.

01:02:00.000 Careful, Donald.

01:02:03.000 Mother's 90. That's not what she wants. 0.98

01:02:05.000 She gets so stubborn. 0.99

01:02:07.000 I want a cat.

01:02:08.000 It could be awesome.

01:02:09.000 It could be the greatest cat of all time. 1.00

01:02:11.000 Or it could be it decides to fuck you up. 1.00

01:02:13.000 It could eat her. 1.00

01:02:14.000 She couldn't defend herself if it went nuts on her.

01:02:17.000 Look at what our story was earlier today in the episode.

01:02:20.000 People getting eaten by...

01:02:23.000 Tigers.

01:02:24.000 Mm-hmm.

01:02:25.000 First responders, when they find bodies after people have died in a house with cats, it doesn't take long before the cats start eating.

01:02:34.000 Right.

01:02:35.000 They don't give you a whole lot of time before they start eating.

01:02:37.000 Oh, mama. 0.94

01:02:39.000 Dogs will wait.

01:02:40.000 They will?

01:02:41.000 Yeah, dogs will wait until they're starving to death.

01:02:43.000 They're dying.

01:02:44.000 They don't even associate you with you anymore.

01:02:47.000 You just meat, and they have to stay alive.

01:02:49.000 Cats are like, I'm hungry.

01:02:51.000 I'm gonna eat Ron's lips.

01:02:53.000 Right. 0.99

01:02:53.000 Get an eyeball, a nostril. 0.99

01:02:57.000 It's a fascinating relationship that we have to these small animals.

01:03:01.000 Like I was saying about your beautiful dog, that if you trace the lineage back of that thing, that used to be a wolf.

01:03:08.000 Somehow or another, they went from wolves to more of a floppy-eared animal to more of an animal that was smaller, and then they figured out how to breed them. 0.91

01:03:18.000 All the way to a rug that shits. 0.95

01:03:20.000 That's what I own. 1.00

01:03:21.000 That's a rug that shits. 1.00

01:03:23.000 How the fuck did they do that? 1.00

01:03:25.000 So if you die in a home that's locked with animals, those animals will eat you really fast, especially a cat. 1.00

01:03:29.000 Dogs will hold out until they have nothing left to eat, but a cat will remove your head in 24 hours.

01:03:34.000 Wow!

01:03:34.000 Oh my god!

01:03:36.000 What kind of loyalty!

01:03:37.000 They got over all that love quick.

01:03:39.000 That cat never loved you.

01:03:41.000 Oh my god!

01:03:41.000 If it can eat your head in 24 hours, that cat never loved you.

01:03:44.000 It was just, I need food, I'm gonna be nice.

01:03:47.000 He had a coroner on his podcast. 1.00

01:03:48.000 Waiting for you to fucking die. 1.00

01:03:50.000 I think I explained it to him. 1.00

01:03:51.000 Oh, the coroner was telling him?

01:03:52.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:03:53.000 I think he asked him, what kind of fucked up shit have you seen? 1.00

01:03:56.000 He's like, animals. 1.00

01:03:57.000 Play that right where you're saying that.

01:04:00.000 It'll remove your head within 24 hours.

01:04:03.000 Back it up before that.

01:04:05.000 So if you die in a home that's locked with animals, those animals will eat you really fast.

01:04:13.000 Especially a cat.

01:04:14.000 Dogs will hold out.

01:04:16.000 Until they have nothing left to eat, but a cat will remove your head in 24 hours.

01:04:20.000 And I'm not talking, I'm talking literally hair on the floor, no head, and nibbling into their chest.

01:04:28.000 Even cats that were loved by their owners, or is it just cats that you think had something with the owner, and they're going to say, this is my time?

01:04:36.000 Yeah, no, they're absolutely feeding on you.

01:04:39.000 I don't care how much you love that cat, and that cat loved you, he's going to eat you.

01:04:44.000 And I just never imagined that they could do that much damage.

01:04:48.000 Smaller dogs.

01:04:49.000 Now, a lab won't.

01:04:51.000 Labs, for some reason, don't eat their owners.

01:04:54.000 Unless they're locked in for months, I guess they would.

01:04:56.000 But I find it more weenie dogs, small dogs, and cats.

01:05:00.000 Cats don't wait. 0.99

01:05:02.000 And how soon after?

01:05:03.000 I don't know.

01:05:04.000 I don't know if I believe the guy now.

01:05:07.000 Why?

01:05:08.000 Because I bet he has a lab, so he had to say labs wouldn't eat you.

01:05:12.000 I mean, what makes a lab different than my sweet little Matty?

01:05:16.000 He's saying Matty would go after you after a little while, but the lab...

01:05:20.000 Come on.

01:05:22.000 Yeah, why would they think that the little...

01:05:23.000 Maybe he means like chihuahuas or something like that.

01:05:26.000 Or the little Jack Russell Terriers. 1.00

01:05:28.000 They'll fuck you up quick. 1.00

01:05:29.000 But what's the data on that? 1.00

01:05:33.000 The labs really eat you when you're done?

01:05:34.000 I think he's just going off of his experience.

01:05:35.000 I don't know.

01:05:36.000 I was trying to...

01:05:37.000 I don't know where he gets his expertise.

01:05:39.000 I'm not seeing this on NPR. It's not coming on on my news feed.

01:05:43.000 I was also kind of making that point.

01:05:45.000 When I Googled that and typed it in, it gives me a TikTok fun fact.

01:05:48.000 That's the fact that Google gave me, which was a fact from Theo's podcast.

01:05:52.000 That's the top result.

01:05:53.000 And they're calling it a fact?

01:05:55.000 Well, I do know for a fact that cats eat people.

01:05:57.000 Yeah.

01:05:58.000 Yeah, well, that makes sense.

01:05:59.000 I mean, people eat people.

01:06:01.000 I know people who have found people that, where they got, you know, where they're cops, where they found people that were partially eaten by the cats.

01:06:09.000 That's 100% real.

01:06:11.000 That was a fun show.

01:06:12.000 We did that show for the cops. 0.98

01:06:14.000 That was awesome.

01:06:14.000 That was so much fun.

01:06:15.000 That was awesome.

01:06:16.000 Three cops got thrown out.

01:06:18.000 That's right.

01:06:19.000 They came to party, folks.

01:06:20.000 They came to have a good time.

01:06:21.000 They did come to party.

01:06:22.000 That was a lot of fun. 1.00

01:06:24.000 That was a good fucking time. 0.99

01:06:26.000 Those people don't get appreciated enough. 0.99

01:06:28.000 No, and that's the truth.

01:06:29.000 They don't get appreciated enough. 0.65

01:06:30.000 And if things go south, they're going to be the first people you call and you've been disrespecting them for so long and not appreciating how hard it is what they do for so fucking long.

01:06:40.000 And that doesn't excuse the bad ones.

01:06:45.000 That's not...

01:06:46.000 No, it doesn't.

01:06:46.000 It's just you can't lump everybody in with that same group because most of them are great.

01:06:50.000 You've got to have these guys.

01:06:52.000 You have to have them.

01:06:52.000 You've got to have this team, man.

01:06:54.000 You have to have them. 0.97

01:06:55.000 And it ain't the greatest job in the goddamn world, and it sure is dangerous. 0.97

01:06:58.000 And some of them thrive on that kind of environment, and that's great. 0.97

01:07:01.000 I don't.

01:07:02.000 And so I need...

01:07:03.000 It was so cool to be able to make them laugh that hard because we had the death of that...

01:07:09.000 Cobb not too long ago, that's been a pretty dour place to work.

01:07:14.000 That's what the guy was telling me, the chief of police.

01:07:18.000 They hadn't been laughing.

01:07:21.000 That really got everybody down and kept them down.

01:07:23.000 Of course.

01:07:24.000 So that was cool.

01:07:25.000 That was so much fun.

01:07:27.000 Yeah, it was fun.

01:07:27.000 It was real fun to do.

01:07:29.000 Yeah, it's, you know...

01:07:32.000 We should have started a church that night.

01:07:34.000 We could have started.

01:07:34.000 We'd have a police force.

01:07:35.000 We've got to plant these seeds carefully.

01:07:37.000 That's right.

01:07:37.000 And this is what we're doing today on the podcast.

01:07:39.000 We're planting seeds.

01:07:40.000 You can't just go out there and just dig a trench.

01:07:43.000 Then the government starts getting involved quickly.

01:07:45.000 We've got to, like, slowly plant seeds.

01:07:47.000 Based on a story of love.

01:07:49.000 Yeah.

01:07:50.000 And mutual respect.

01:07:52.000 It would be great if we could buy into a franchise like Chick-fil-A. You know what I mean?

01:07:58.000 In and out burgers.

01:08:00.000 Just buy into something.

01:08:01.000 It's pre-existing.

01:08:05.000 Our challenge is going to be to start it from scratch.

01:08:07.000 Yeah, just the Church of Ron White, just from scratch, it's going to be under a lot of scrutiny.

01:08:12.000 No, dude, it's a Joe Rogan, Ron White church.

01:08:15.000 I ain't doing this by myself, man.

01:08:17.000 But it's kind of funny.

01:08:19.000 It really is kind of funny that if we did just both of us become Christian and then open up a Christian church, no problems at all.

01:08:25.000 You know, I got like three million followers.

01:08:27.000 I wonder how far they would actually follow if I started leading...

01:08:30.000 You don't even want $3 million.

01:08:32.000 If you get $300,000 to move into a town that you've created in the middle of the desert.

01:08:37.000 Right, right.

01:08:38.000 I mean, that's that Portland movie, the Netflix series, Wild Wild Country.

01:08:44.000 They literally bought into a town.

01:08:46.000 And it wasn't that bad.

01:08:48.000 I think it was you that said that.

01:08:50.000 They always sound pretty good.

01:08:52.000 You're like, I can do this.

01:08:55.000 Then it gets soared.

01:08:56.000 Nobody can handle that kind of power and that kind of focus of energy.

01:09:02.000 Yeah, you're the guy.

01:09:04.000 It corrupts.

01:09:05.000 It just corrupts.

01:09:07.000 They're literally bestowing the Word of God and the meaning of life and the meaning of the universe in front of their loyal following.

01:09:16.000 Right.

01:09:16.000 This guy's got 31 Rolls Royces, by the way.

01:09:19.000 And they're just happy when he gets another one.

01:09:22.000 He was funny, though.

01:09:24.000 He was the funny dude.

01:09:25.000 Oh, yeah.

01:09:25.000 He was.

01:09:26.000 I would have listened for a while, you know?

01:09:29.000 You ever hear that famous thing that he said about democracy?

01:09:36.000 You remember?

01:09:37.000 It's by people. 0.99

01:09:39.000 But the people are retarded. 1.00

01:09:42.000 So you get this fucking guru. 1.00

01:09:45.000 You get this guru saying that everyone's retarded. 1.00

01:09:49.000 You gotta see this. 0.98

01:09:50.000 This was the dude. 1.00

01:09:51.000 This was the fucking dude. 1.00

01:09:53.000 Because democracy basically means government By the people. 1.00

01:10:12.000 Of the people.

01:10:13.000 And he works slower than I do.

01:10:15.000 Of the people.

01:10:16.000 He does.

01:10:17.000 He does, but it's good. 1.00

01:10:19.000 People are retarded. 1.00

01:10:22.000 Yes, they are. 1.00

01:10:23.000 Yes, they are.

01:10:25.000 No, he goes on even further.

01:10:26.000 This is a small version of it.

01:10:28.000 He continues on.

01:10:29.000 Does the government... 1.00

01:10:31.000 Of the retarded, for the retarded. 1.00

01:10:34.000 Yeah, he goes into this whole thing. 0.91

01:10:35.000 And this is the guru that was running that town up there.

01:10:38.000 That was the guy.

01:10:39.000 And he was the guy with 31 Rolls Royces, right?

01:10:41.000 Yeah, he was balling out of control.

01:10:43.000 He was balling out of control.

01:10:45.000 He probably would have pulled it off if it wasn't for Sheila.

01:10:47.000 Sheila was so ruthless. 0.99

01:10:50.000 She's terrifying.

01:10:50.000 She was the one that got the guns out.

01:10:52.000 She was the one that poisoned the whole town. 0.99

01:10:54.000 I didn't know the town.

01:10:55.000 Oh, the city.

01:10:56.000 Yeah.

01:10:57.000 Not them.

01:10:58.000 No, they poisoned like a salad bar or something, didn't they?

01:11:01.000 Didn't she do something like that? 1.00

01:11:03.000 They blew something up. 1.00

01:11:04.000 They did a bunch of shit. 1.00

01:11:05.000 They brought in homeless people for votes. 1.00

01:11:08.000 I mean, they went wild.

01:11:09.000 They went wild in the end.

01:11:11.000 They brought in homeless people and buses so the homeless people would become part of their community and they'd have more votes. 1.00

01:11:17.000 And then they took over the fucking town. 1.00

01:11:19.000 And then they're like, adios, homeless fucks. 1.00

01:11:21.000 And they kicked the homeless people out. 1.00

01:11:23.000 Government by the retarded. 1.00

01:11:29.000 For the retarded. 1.00

01:11:40.000 Of the retarded. 1.00

01:11:45.000 I mean, that dude believes what he's saying. 0.97

01:11:48.000 Democracy cannot be...

01:11:50.000 I believe what he's saying.

01:11:56.000 The highest possibility men can attain.

01:12:04.000 He just blinked for the first time.

01:12:05.000 I was asking if he hasn't blinked.

01:12:07.000 Wow.

01:12:09.000 Yeah, he's probably the real deal.

01:12:11.000 He's probably the real deal.

01:12:12.000 He had Sheila behind him, and she just got crazy and started killing folks. 0.99

01:12:17.000 Too many Rolls Royces to keep it out of the news, you know.

01:12:20.000 You've got a couple of them, man.

01:12:23.000 31. But if you're the real deal...

01:12:26.000 If you really are a super guru and you want 30 Rolls Royces, I think you can do it in that space.

01:12:31.000 Yeah, in that space.

01:12:32.000 In the Christian space, I don't think so.

01:12:33.000 They're doing it!

01:12:34.000 They got Gulfstream 650s, you know, you can buy 30 Rolls Royces.

01:12:38.000 I'm just saying it's harder to connect with the message.

01:12:41.000 Cheaper, right.

01:12:42.000 There's something about that dude, the way he's willing to talk.

01:12:46.000 Like, that guy Osho, his book is really brilliant.

01:12:50.000 There's an audio version of one of his books that I got into.

01:12:54.000 It's interesting, man.

01:12:55.000 His thoughts are very interesting.

01:12:58.000 He had 93 cars.

01:13:00.000 It's only 93, Ron.

01:13:01.000 93?

01:13:02.000 He only had 93 cars.

01:13:04.000 He loved his Rolls Royces.

01:13:06.000 He did.

01:13:07.000 But right, you know, if he's the guy, you want him to have everything.

01:13:11.000 If you believe he's the guy...

01:13:12.000 This is what I believe.

01:13:14.000 I think you can be both. 1.00

01:13:16.000 I think you can be this crazy, 93 Rolls Royce-having fucking lunatic who lives in a castle that's made out of diamonds in the sky. 1.00

01:13:25.000 And you got money from your followers. 1.00

01:13:27.000 And also...

01:13:28.000 To be tuned into the real thing.

01:13:31.000 The real energy of the universe.

01:13:34.000 I think you can.

01:13:35.000 I think you can.

01:13:36.000 I think you can dance.

01:13:36.000 I think that power corrupts absolutely.

01:13:39.000 For most people.

01:13:40.000 For most people.

01:13:41.000 But if you're a real super guru.

01:13:42.000 Like a hedonist super guru.

01:13:44.000 Right. 0.74

01:13:45.000 Because one of the things about a lot of those crazy super guru type characters, there's always some sexual aspect to it. 0.82

01:13:52.000 It's always some sexual freedom and sexual expressing. 1.00

01:13:55.000 And they fucking hook, line, and sink or believe in that shit. 1.00

01:13:57.000 Right, like that guy that owned that building that you almost bought for no reason. 1.00

01:14:01.000 Exactly.

01:14:02.000 Exactly.

01:14:03.000 The Ron White recommendation.

01:14:06.000 Ron White recommended that I buy a cult building and I listened to him.

01:14:09.000 Yeah.

01:14:09.000 See?

01:14:10.000 See?

01:14:11.000 It would have worked!

01:14:12.000 It would have worked.

01:14:13.000 That was a cool building, and it would have worked.

01:14:15.000 You would have made it work, that's for sure.

01:14:17.000 We'd all supported it, and it would have been fine.

01:14:19.000 It wouldn't have been as good, though.

01:14:21.000 Location-wise, it wouldn't have been as good.

01:14:23.000 This turned out to be heaven, so we can't second-guess anything that went down before it or after it or whatever.

01:14:30.000 I feel like it lined up in the exact correct order.

01:14:34.000 Like, the universe opened up all the doors in the exact correct order.

01:14:39.000 I feel like the failed experiment with that other place, or the frustration in having it not come together, was a good Like a lesson, a good lesson in how real estate deals can go and all the issues with property.

01:14:57.000 Right, how careful you need to be.

01:14:59.000 There's a lot of stuff going on when you're buying stuff.

01:15:01.000 And sometimes you've got to experience a failed deal and go, okay, that didn't work.

01:15:06.000 Maybe this is better.

01:15:08.000 And you were kind of impetuous, so you needed something to slow you down a little bit because you were going pretty nuts. 0.98

01:15:15.000 I mean, I talked to you one day, you were thinking about moving to Austin, and the next day you lived there, you had a house on the lake, you moved your studio, and I'm like, God damn, this guy moves! 0.96

01:15:25.000 Yeah, I'm not interested in half-assing things. 0.65

01:15:28.000 No, no, no, no.

01:15:29.000 You moved right along with it.

01:15:31.000 That's the fun part about it.

01:15:33.000 A change like that is a big deal.

01:15:35.000 Well, if you look at it, and I'm pretty emotional about the mothership, but if you look at it, it was the only thing.

01:15:44.000 That could have got me where I am today.

01:15:47.000 No other vehicle would have worked.

01:15:50.000 Because I wouldn't have been interested in it.

01:15:52.000 I would have been interested in me being alone and isolating myself and all those things.

01:15:58.000 But the mothership was that thing that was so delicious and so perfect for what I needed.

01:16:05.000 At that point in my life, I think the universe used you just to get me... 1.00

01:16:12.000 Back out of this fucking hole that I was in. 0.99

01:16:15.000 You know where I was at. 1.00

01:16:16.000 I was in a shitty fucking place and I didn't know what to do. 0.99

01:16:20.000 I didn't know where to go. 0.99

01:16:21.000 I didn't know what to do with my emotions.

01:16:23.000 I didn't know what to do with my doubting everything about my talent and all this stuff.

01:16:30.000 So...

01:16:32.000 Nothing else would have got me where I am today.

01:16:34.000 No other combination of things.

01:16:37.000 There wouldn't have been an open mic night in Webster, wherever, that I would have gone to with any interest at all and really started to fall back in love with the art of doing stand-up and be able to do all those reps.

01:16:50.000 That doesn't exist anywhere else.

01:16:53.000 That's what happens at the mothership. 1.00

01:16:55.000 You can go in there and sharpen the fucking blade. 1.00

01:16:57.000 You want to see what I'm doing to these crowds on the road? 1.00

01:16:59.000 I'm beating the fuck out of them. 0.89

01:17:01.000 I'm having a blast, except I still hate to travel, but... 0.97

01:17:05.000 You know.

01:17:05.000 We're real lucky.

01:17:07.000 We're real lucky.

01:17:08.000 And like I said, I feel like the universe opened up all the right doors at all the right time.

01:17:12.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:17:12.000 And put it all together in this perfect way.

01:17:15.000 And we all benefit from having all of us here together, for sure.

01:17:20.000 It 100% benefits your act.

01:17:23.000 100%.

01:17:24.000 Benefits your joke writing and the amount of fun that you have in life.

01:17:27.000 And how hard we laugh in that green room.

01:17:30.000 That's what I'm saying.

01:17:31.000 The amount of fun you have in life.

01:17:33.000 It's the most fun.

01:17:34.000 And the best thing about the green room is how restrictive it is.

01:17:38.000 You just can't go in there.

01:17:41.000 You've got to earn that spot in the treehouse.

01:17:44.000 So anytime you open the door, you'll see... 0.52

01:17:48.000 You know, some of the best comics alive sitting there talking about stand-up comedy and writing jokes and laughing and having a good time, but that's our fuckin'...

01:17:57.000 Little space, man, and it is the greatest thing on earth.

01:18:00.000 One of the worst things that happens in green rooms, what Ron's talking about, is like, you'll be in a green room and a bunch of agents will walk in and start talking.

01:18:06.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:18:07.000 Especially in LA, it used to happen all the time.

01:18:10.000 They all wanted to go in the green room.

01:18:12.000 Yeah.

01:18:12.000 So they'd go in the green room, and I've done shows before, like at these big theaters, and there's people, I don't even know who they are.

01:18:18.000 They're all hanging around the green room.

01:18:20.000 I'm like, okay, I don't even, who are you guys?

01:18:24.000 It doesn't happen so much anymore, but in the past, it was quite annoying.

01:18:27.000 I've played big venues out near California. 0.50

01:18:30.000 The guys I didn't even know from APA and CAA or whoever the fuck I was with. 0.95

01:18:36.000 And the people from my office that I didn't even know, they're all back there in the green room trying to prove to me that they're earning some kind of fucking money I'm sending them or whatever. 0.95

01:18:47.000 But that doesn't happen at the comedy mothership. 0.90

01:18:51.000 It's just us talking about it.

01:18:53.000 Really nobody knows much more about the business of this than we do.

01:18:56.000 We feed off each other.

01:19:02.000 It's like we 100% feed off each other.

01:19:05.000 And this wasn't designed to be a commercial for the mothership, but it sounds like one.

01:19:09.000 Yeah, we're both super lucky.

01:19:11.000 All of us are.

01:19:12.000 Not just us in this room, but all of us together that we're all in on this together.

01:19:16.000 Because that's what it is. 0.99

01:19:17.000 It's like we got a spot where we can all fuck around. 0.97

01:19:20.000 And we have a lot of other spots in Austin now because of that. 0.98

01:19:24.000 And along with that.

01:19:25.000 Right.

01:19:26.000 And basically it makes the mothership a very proper name for that place, for that club.

01:19:32.000 Yeah.

01:19:33.000 Because everything else kind of feeds off of it.

01:19:36.000 That was the idea.

01:19:38.000 Well, there was a bunch of other names that I had for it, but that was the idea.

01:19:40.000 What I liked about that one is that we all do travel, and we're all stuck in this thing.

01:19:47.000 If you're a stand-up and you want to go on the road, you've got to go places.

01:19:52.000 But to have a place to go back to where you can keep your skills without traveling, that's what doesn't exist anywhere else.

01:19:59.000 Well, that's what made me realize what we were missing when we came here.

01:20:03.000 When we first came here, we were at the Vulcan.

01:20:04.000 It was great, but it was a great place.

01:20:06.000 I love Nick and everybody that worked there, but it wasn't set up perfect.

01:20:10.000 It was hard to get around.

01:20:11.000 You had to go downstairs to get on stage. 0.98

01:20:13.000 There was a lot of annoying shit about it that was kind of goofy, the way it was set up. 0.95

01:20:18.000 It's a great room to perform in. 0.97

01:20:20.000 The acoustics are fun.

01:20:22.000 It rattles.

01:20:23.000 But I was like, we need the setup to be correct.

01:20:27.000 And if we can get the setup completely correct, just do it absolutely the way a comic would want it to be done.

01:20:34.000 Just do everything the way the comic.

01:20:35.000 Make it everything so it's like the fucking easiest ride ever for the comics. 0.62

01:20:39.000 They come in, we go to the back, hey, up to the stairs. 0.95

01:20:42.000 That's right.

01:20:43.000 Yeah, it's just easy, fun.

01:20:45.000 Everybody's gonna have a good time.

01:20:46.000 Let's go have fun.

01:20:47.000 Let's have fun.

01:20:48.000 And that's what we needed, because we were on the road all the time.

01:20:51.000 And when you're on the road all the time, it's like you're in these places, you're only gonna be there for a couple of nights, you're doing your stand-up with a couple friends you came with, then you go back home, and then you wait until you go somewhere else again.

01:21:00.000 You don't have a home base.

01:21:01.000 Yeah.

01:21:02.000 To touch in, like, Ron, why?

01:21:03.000 That was Cincinnati.

01:21:04.000 Right.

01:21:05.000 No, no, no. 1.00

01:21:06.000 Those Tuesdays and Wednesdays are the shit, man. 1.00

01:21:09.000 They are. 1.00

01:21:10.000 They're the shit. 1.00

01:21:11.000 They are. 1.00

01:21:12.000 You know, and it was kind of like it was at the store for a while.

01:21:16.000 Yeah.

01:21:16.000 You know, when we were all supporting it at the same time and, you know, the crowds were, you know, it was always packed because they knew they were going to get a show they couldn't get any other time for any price.

01:21:26.000 That show doesn't exist anywhere else.

01:21:29.000 And the other night we did a show and it was me and you and Shane Gillis and Jim Norton.

01:21:37.000 That guy makes me laugh harder than anybody.

01:21:40.000 Theo Vaughn came in.

01:21:42.000 It was all in one night at the Comedy Mothership.

01:21:45.000 Crowd doesn't know.

01:21:46.000 We don't even know.

01:21:47.000 You don't even know who's all going to show up on the show.

01:21:50.000 Night, but there's always room.

01:21:53.000 If you're one of the big Kamaya Mayas, we'll make room. 1.00

01:21:58.000 We'll always make room for you.

01:21:59.000 And it's just fun.

01:22:00.000 It's just a real fun environment. 0.99

01:22:02.000 It's a real fun place to fuck around. 0.99

01:22:06.000 And now that we have that, It makes it easier for us. 0.99

01:22:10.000 It makes it easy for you to do this tour you're doing.

01:22:12.000 It makes it for all of us.

01:22:14.000 It's just a place to keep your chops. 0.65

01:22:16.000 And I don't care if you're doing short sets or long sets.

01:22:19.000 You need to be doing sets.

01:22:21.000 Because it keeps that familiarity with you and that audience.

01:22:24.000 And it keeps that all secondary.

01:22:27.000 It's something that you don't even think about. 0.99

01:22:29.000 It's what you do it every goddamn day. 0.99

01:22:31.000 And that's what you should do. 0.99

01:22:32.000 And it doesn't matter if you're on the stage for...

01:22:34.000 For 15 minutes or an hour and 15 minutes, it's just that you've got to get on stage and talk to those people, just so it's second nature to you.

01:22:43.000 Because if you don't do it for a while, it's not.

01:22:45.000 You think about it.

01:22:46.000 We don't think about sets before we walk on stage at the mothership.

01:22:49.000 It's just what we do all the time.

01:22:51.000 But you remember what it was like when we took all those months off for COVID, then you did stand up again. 1.00

01:22:55.000 Fuck, I was horrible! 0.99

01:22:56.000 I couldn't believe how bad I was, and I didn't even know. 1.00

01:22:59.000 That was the big question is, for me, was I didn't know what I was so good at that made it special to watch.

01:23:07.000 You know, I didn't, because I was just doing an impression of myself in that I didn't have...

01:23:13.000 That confidence and all those things that come from knowing what's going to happen when you walk on stage.

01:23:18.000 I saw your first setback at the Vulcan. 1.00

01:23:20.000 You fucking killed. 1.00

01:23:20.000 Fuck, it was awful. 1.00

01:23:21.000 You fucking killed. 1.00

01:23:22.000 You're out of your mind. 1.00

01:23:23.000 You're out of your mind.

01:23:25.000 You got big laughs.

01:23:27.000 I think it just didn't feel comfortable for you.

01:23:29.000 I think you didn't feel like you were killing because it didn't feel comfortable because you just haven't done it in so long.

01:23:34.000 I think that's all it is.

01:23:36.000 But for the audience member, you killed.

01:23:38.000 If you look at that set versus my 15-minute set that I'm doing now, what you were talking about the other night, that timing and all that stuff is back to sharp, you know, how I got here stuff, you know?

01:23:52.000 Mm-hmm. 0.98

01:23:52.000 And that's all growth that comes from fucking doing reps. 0.98

01:23:56.000 It's definitely a gem, that's for sure. 0.98

01:24:00.000 And if you work out, you see the results, and if you don't, you don't.

01:24:04.000 I think it's just like golf.

01:24:05.000 It's just like everything.

01:24:06.000 It's something I understand and I love. 1.00

01:24:10.000 And if you only played golf with idiots. 1.00

01:24:13.000 Right. 1.00

01:24:15.000 You'd never fucking really learn to play golf. 0.99

01:24:17.000 Yeah, and you'd be going, I'm so great. 0.99

01:24:20.000 It's better for you to hang out with guys that can hit the ball further than you.

01:24:24.000 That's fine.

01:24:25.000 That's fine.

01:24:26.000 Because you can still beat those guys.

01:24:27.000 If you're lucky.

01:24:28.000 If you're smart.

01:24:30.000 There's always in groups of guys, there's always the one guy who's the dominant golf player, right?

01:24:34.000 Yeah.

01:24:35.000 Yeah. 0.98

01:24:36.000 And that used to be me all the time, but now when I play, now I've got these friends that, you know, that are fucking pros. 0.86

01:24:43.000 Is that a reps thing? 0.96

01:24:44.000 Is that just a reps thing?

01:24:45.000 Or is there a certain characteristic that some people have that makes them, like, really good at golf?

01:24:50.000 I think that some people are born with an innate ability for athletics, you know, and some people aren't.

01:24:58.000 You can try to get to that place as hard as you want to.

01:25:01.000 Like John Daly.

01:25:03.000 He's a gifted athlete.

01:25:04.000 No matter what he had done, he would have been great at it.

01:25:08.000 But he chose to do it with golf. 0.99

01:25:10.000 His situation at home was real fucked up. 1.00

01:25:13.000 Abusive father. 1.00

01:25:14.000 Horrible shit. 1.00

01:25:15.000 Just horrible shit. 1.00

01:25:16.000 I know a lot about him. 1.00

01:25:17.000 I've spent a lot of nights drinking with him.

01:25:20.000 But he had these hands, man.

01:25:23.000 And this ability to turn his back to his target and just keep going.

01:25:29.000 And it generated literally no one had ever seen anybody do what John Daly did when he first came on the scene.

01:25:36.000 The other pros were going out to the driving range going, watch this!

01:25:40.000 And he's hitting the ball 75 yards past everybody and hitting the middle of the fairway with it.

01:25:48.000 But he was so self-destructive.

01:25:51.000 That he could manage it to some point.

01:25:55.000 I don't know.

01:25:56.000 And John doesn't know either, I'm sure.

01:25:58.000 But he won two majors, which most people that...

01:26:02.000 Play professional golf or never win one or never win a tournament.

01:26:06.000 Most people that have a card to play on the PGA Tour never win on the PGA Tour.

01:26:10.000 So he didn't do earth-shattering stuff like Tiger did as far as the numbers go, but he just had that natural ability and his son is just like him, which is kind of a weird thing because that father-son thing doesn't Damn.

01:26:39.000 So it's genetic.

01:26:41.000 Well, some of it's got to be, you know.

01:26:44.000 Yeah.

01:26:45.000 Man, I would imagine.

01:26:46.000 Yeah, there he is, right there.

01:26:47.000 I would imagine.

01:26:48.000 That's who I play golf with. 1.00

01:26:49.000 With their fucking belts. 1.00

01:26:50.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:26:51.000 They won the Father-Son tournament.

01:26:53.000 They beat Tiger and his kid.

01:26:55.000 Bro, how great are John Daly's pants?

01:26:56.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:26:57.000 Look at those pants. 1.00

01:26:58.000 Those are so classic.

01:26:59.000 Yep, and you can...

01:27:00.000 Little skulls all over them.

01:27:03.000 Those green alligator shoes.

01:27:05.000 He's awesome.

01:27:05.000 He's one of a kind, that's for sure.

01:27:07.000 One of a kind.

01:27:08.000 One of a kind.

01:27:09.000 How many Diet Cokes do you say he drinks a day?

01:27:11.000 Well, he drinks, oh boy, he just drinks so much.

01:27:15.000 But he drinks Diet Cokes and chocolate milk, and he doesn't really eat.

01:27:27.000 I've stayed in the same house with him before and he's also, oddly enough, he's a neat freak.

01:27:33.000 He gets up in the morning and he'll make breakfast.

01:27:38.000 We're good to go.

01:28:06.000 So he makes his own chocolate and he stirs it.

01:28:08.000 And then Diet Cokes and then cigarettes, you know, one after another.

01:28:12.000 Pull that back up, Jamie, with the statistics that you were showing.

01:28:15.000 The statistics he was just showing about how many cigarettes and Diet Cokes he drank in one game.

01:28:21.000 This is a daily diet.

01:28:22.000 I don't know.

01:28:23.000 Yeah, but that one image that you had on the other page, you had...

01:28:29.000 There it is.

01:28:30.000 John Daly smoked 21 cigarettes and drank 12 cans of Coke and no water at a PGA Tour event.

01:28:38.000 John Daly once smoked 21 cigarettes and drank 12 cans of Coke at a Tour event with no water.

01:28:46.000 The controversial golfer is known among fans for a somewhat different style to...

01:28:50.000 Today's fitness-obsessed stars.

01:28:52.000 So if he drank 12 Coca-Colas, though, you do have to think, like, that is a lot of energy and a lot of sugar.

01:28:58.000 Yeah, and this guy doesn't practice...

01:29:02.000 Ever.

01:29:02.000 At golf.

01:29:04.000 Really?

01:29:05.000 No.

01:29:05.000 He'll go out there and he'll hit sand wedges.

01:29:09.000 And he'll hit maybe four of them.

01:29:11.000 And go straight to the tee box.

01:29:13.000 Whether he's playing a professional tour event or playing with everybody.

01:29:16.000 And he tells me, just hit some sand wedge.

01:29:18.000 You've got to hit that.

01:29:19.000 If you can hit that solid, you can hit them all solid.

01:29:21.000 Just do that. 0.99

01:29:21.000 There's no sense working your way through a bag and spending all goddamn day. 0.99

01:29:26.000 Because you're trying to get loose, not better. 0.98

01:29:28.000 We're playing, right?

01:29:29.000 You don't have time to get better.

01:29:30.000 You just got time to get loose.

01:29:31.000 Get loose with one club.

01:29:33.000 But that's just how much ability he's got. 1.00

01:29:38.000 Most of these guys, they take this shit serious every goddamn day of their life. 0.99

01:29:43.000 Hours and hours and hours a day go into nothing but preparing. 1.00

01:29:47.000 He spends no time at all.

01:29:50.000 And he doesn't win very much, but he makes a lot of noise, and he lives life the way he wants to, and he's so unapologetic.

01:29:59.000 And he's kind of a hero because of it.

01:30:01.000 Yeah, he's totally a hero, and he should be. 0.99

01:30:05.000 He is a living legend of athletic fucking superiority. 0.99

01:30:09.000 And there he is, Hooters. 1.00

01:30:11.000 There's his endorsement right there.

01:30:13.000 He loves Hooters.

01:30:14.000 That's hilarious.

01:30:16.000 Yeah, for years and years I'd go to the Masters and I'd park my bus right next to his bus at the Hooters and go down and watch the game.

01:30:27.000 And he would make a fortune because people go to that tournament to see golf, right?

01:30:33.000 But those guys aren't available. 0.97

01:30:37.000 They don't stick around signing autographs and do shit like that. 0.97

01:30:40.000 John does. 0.97

01:30:41.000 So he's got a merch tent set up at the Hooters.

01:30:44.000 And he'll do $400,000 worth of business in a week.

01:30:47.000 Just sitting there signing stuff, flags, whatever, taking pictures.

01:30:51.000 He hustles that parking lot and does it every year.

01:30:54.000 He's always out there.

01:30:56.000 He's nice anyway.

01:30:58.000 And he likes fans.

01:30:59.000 And he'll talk to you about anything, anybody.

01:31:02.000 Wow.

01:31:03.000 And, you know, if he's in a good mood, if he's in a shitty mood, maybe not, but he still gets it, you know, because he gambles a lot, so he never has, I don't think he ever had a big surplus of money.

01:31:14.000 He had some big deals from Callaway, but I think, you know, he was playing slot machines, a thousand bucks a pull.

01:31:22.000 All the time.

01:31:23.000 So he's always had to hustle on the side, but he gets it done.

01:31:28.000 Now he's got a vodka drink, kind of like the Arnold Palmer, except it's got booze in it.

01:31:32.000 It's called John Daly. 0.98

01:31:33.000 Selling the shit out of it. 0.98

01:31:34.000 Yeah, what is the John Daly? 0.99

01:31:35.000 What's the mixture?

01:31:36.000 Arnold Palmer is lemonade and iced tea, right?

01:31:38.000 I think then you had some vodka, I would imagine.

01:31:40.000 Is that what it is?

01:31:42.000 Yeah, vodka. 1.00

01:31:45.000 Fuck yeah. 1.00

01:31:46.000 I quit drinking that about three years ago. 1.00

01:31:52.000 Kid Rock hangs out there all the time.

01:31:55.000 They're really good buddies and he plays golf.

01:31:57.000 It's just not a great golf course either.

01:31:59.000 It's just one we all go to.

01:32:01.000 It's got good greens and we have a fun time out there.

01:32:04.000 And they'll be banging on the door of my bus.

01:32:06.000 We're going to the teddy bar!

01:32:07.000 I'm like, dude, what part of I don't drink anymore do you not understand? 0.93

01:32:13.000 No, I'm not going to the teddy bar with you and Kid Rock and once you guys jacked with strippers till dawn. 0.65

01:32:22.000 Hilarious.

01:32:22.000 So now they don't talk to me much.

01:32:25.000 Those fucking guys, when they sober up, the party's all gone. 1.00

01:32:29.000 Right, that's right. 1.00

01:32:31.000 Yeah, I read something the other day that said if you quit drinking That doesn't automatically Make you no fun.

01:32:38.000 That's a separate decision you have to make.

01:32:40.000 That's very well put.

01:32:42.000 Yeah, right?

01:32:43.000 Very well put.

01:32:44.000 I know a lot of comics that stopped drinking.

01:32:46.000 Like, Dave Attell, I think, is the best example of a guy who stopped drinking and just got way better.

01:32:51.000 Like, he was always hilarious.

01:32:53.000 He was always an amazing comic.

01:32:55.000 He's always been fun.

01:32:56.000 But I think it was just taking a toll on his body.

01:32:59.000 And then when he quit, it's like all of a sudden he had energy again.

01:33:03.000 He was writing a shit ton of great material.

01:33:07.000 I think he's at, like, his highest level ever now, and he hasn't drank in a long time.

01:33:12.000 Yeah, a long time.

01:33:13.000 He just keeps getting better.

01:33:14.000 Years and years.

01:33:16.000 But, you know, he was out of control, though.

01:33:18.000 I mean, he was...

01:33:19.000 For a little bit.

01:33:20.000 Yeah.

01:33:21.000 Well, he had that show.

01:33:22.000 Insomniacs, right?

01:33:23.000 And that was true.

01:33:24.000 I mean, that's what he would do every night.

01:33:26.000 I worked with him.

01:33:26.000 I ended up doing a bunch...

01:33:28.000 I went to the Montreal Comedy Festival, and he and I, we didn't know each other, and we were doing a bunch of shows at the...

01:33:34.000 At the Dirty Show or whatever it was.

01:33:36.000 Oh, yeah, yeah.

01:33:37.000 There were like 12 shows in a week.

01:33:39.000 And so we met.

01:33:40.000 That's back when he drank and I drank.

01:33:42.000 And so we were fast friends. 0.99

01:33:44.000 And I thought he was funny as fuck. 0.98

01:33:47.000 You know, I had never seen any of it. 0.99

01:33:48.000 And I just fucking loved to tell. 0.81

01:33:50.000 And he's so much fun to hang out with. 0.95

01:33:51.000 He's one of the best of all time.

01:33:52.000 But he would come through town.

01:33:54.000 And boy, after the show, he's gone.

01:33:56.000 You know, he goes into a dark netherworld of, you know, whatever's going on down there.

01:34:01.000 He finds it.

01:34:02.000 And, you know, so...

01:34:04.000 But he didn't do anything.

01:34:06.000 I mean, he quit everything.

01:34:07.000 He got sober. 0.98

01:34:09.000 When people go, I heard you quit getting fucked up, I'm like, eh, you heard it wrong. 0.95

01:34:14.000 You just quit drinking. 0.99

01:34:16.000 There's more than one way to skin a cat is the way I look at it.

01:34:19.000 I think the way you're skinning it right now is the best way. 1.00

01:34:21.000 Fuck yeah, I think so. 1.00

01:34:22.000 It's the best way. 1.00

01:34:23.000 It makes for the most fun.

01:34:25.000 I feel really good about all the decisions I made that got me to where I am right this minute as far as liquor goes.

01:34:32.000 I didn't...

01:34:33.000 It makes for the most fun.

01:34:35.000 The situation we're in right now makes for the most fun.

01:34:37.000 If they would just hurry up and decriminalize mushrooms and things along those lines. 0.94

01:34:44.000 Yeah, because then we'd start doing mushrooms.

01:34:46.000 But as long as they're against the law, we don't do them.

01:34:49.000 Exactly.

01:34:49.000 We're against it.

01:34:50.000 That's what I'm saying.

01:34:51.000 We put a stop to it.

01:34:53.000 In fact, we're part of the mechanism.

01:34:55.000 Imagine if it's the only thing that can really get us out of this, but we're all so dismissive of it.

01:35:00.000 Sounds like Looney Tunes, right? 0.97

01:35:02.000 But if you could give mushrooms to every living human being on this planet all in one day, we could sort a lot of shit out. 0.99

01:35:09.000 That's what Hicks said. 0.98

01:35:10.000 It was our accelerator pad to our evolution, you know.

01:35:14.000 But he was a big Terence McKenna fan, and he quoted Terence McKenna in his act.

01:35:17.000 And Terence McKenna was the guy who came up with that theory that the reason why human beings evolved is from mushrooms.

01:35:23.000 Oh, okay.

01:35:23.000 It's called the stoned ape theory.

01:35:25.000 It's a crazy theory.

01:35:27.000 What is it?

01:35:27.000 Feral scientists recommending easing restrictions on marijuana.

01:35:30.000 Oh, I did see that.

01:35:31.000 Yeah.

01:35:31.000 They want to make it Schedule 3, so it has some medicinal uses.

01:35:38.000 Shrooms or weed?

01:35:39.000 That's just weed.

01:35:40.000 That's weed first.

01:35:41.000 They're never going to give it to you all at once.

01:35:43.000 It's just too revolutionary.

01:35:45.000 Well, Texas, you know, we still don't even have Mercy weed.

01:35:49.000 You can't get weed if you have cancer, if you're dying of cancer?

01:35:51.000 I don't think so.

01:35:52.000 Not in Texas.

01:35:53.000 There's no medical weed in Texas at all?

01:35:55.000 It's like 0.3% you could get if you're dying next week or something.

01:35:59.000 Right, which is kind of weird because, you know, not that I... I mean, you would buy...

01:36:05.000 Yeah.

01:36:25.000 Like one milligram or whatever off, you know, they sell that.

01:36:29.000 Delta 9. Delta 9. I don't smoke it because, you know, it's classified as marijuana and I would never do anything illegal.

01:36:36.000 Good for you.

01:36:37.000 Well, I witnessed Brian Simpson take a few of those gummies. 0.70

01:36:41.000 Yeah, right.

01:36:42.000 And they were supposed to be very mild. 0.99

01:36:43.000 And he was very upset at how fucked up he was. 0.99

01:36:46.000 He was very upset. 1.00

01:36:47.000 He was like, this is outrageous.

01:36:49.000 He was shocked.

01:36:50.000 He couldn't.

01:36:51.000 Does smelling salts wake anybody up out of that?

01:36:54.000 I've never tried.

01:36:54.000 Ooh, that's a good question.

01:36:55.000 That's a solid question, Jamie.

01:36:57.000 What was the question?

01:36:58.000 He said smelling salts wakes someone up out of like a weed stupor.

01:37:02.000 Of stupor.

01:37:02.000 Yeah, it will because I've used those ones that are on the table in the green room.

01:37:06.000 Did you?

01:37:06.000 Yeah, have you ever get too stoned to do a set and then you just pick up one of those salts and just jerk you right out of it for a minute?

01:37:13.000 You've only taken the ones that we have at the mothership then.

01:37:17.000 The what?

01:37:19.000 You've never had the smelling salts here.

01:37:21.000 No.

01:37:21.000 Oh, this is significantly stronger.

01:37:24.000 Here at the...

01:37:25.000 The stuff that we have here in the studio versus the stuff that we have in the green room.

01:37:28.000 The stuff we have in the green room is kind of old.

01:37:30.000 So when you open it, you've really got to get your nose in there.

01:37:33.000 Really dig in. 1.00

01:37:34.000 This motherfucker will knock your dick into the dirt. 1.00

01:37:38.000 What makes you think I want my... 1.00

01:37:40.000 Nah, I wouldn't say you do. 0.99

01:37:41.000 Dick knocked into the dirt.

01:37:43.000 It's worth experiencing because it's so potent. 0.63

01:37:46.000 It's shocking.

01:37:47.000 Wait a minute.

01:37:47.000 Let me get ready.

01:37:49.000 You got any freshies?

01:37:50.000 There's still four, I think, fresh ones here.

01:37:52.000 Well, let me see how bad...

01:37:53.000 Do we have these in any chronological order?

01:37:57.000 All right.

01:37:57.000 Let me grab one.

01:37:58.000 I'll see what we got.

01:37:59.000 I'd say probably that one.

01:38:03.000 I'm sure that's definitely going to do the job.

01:38:06.000 All right.

01:38:06.000 We'll see what's up.

01:38:08.000 He's got frogs in here.

01:38:09.000 Let me see what's up.

01:38:11.000 Here we go.

01:38:13.000 You'll know which one's stronger right away.

01:38:16.000 Oh, that's probably pretty good then.

01:38:20.000 That works.

01:38:24.000 This one's very legit.

01:38:25.000 Okay.

01:38:25.000 Yeah, I'm not going to do it.

01:38:27.000 No, no, no, no.

01:38:27.000 You need to.

01:38:28.000 You need to now.

01:38:29.000 I don't want whatever caused you to look like you just looked like you were about to...

01:38:33.000 I feel great.

01:38:33.000 I feel great now.

01:38:34.000 Give me...

01:38:34.000 All right.

01:38:35.000 Let me...

01:38:36.000 Right now, I feel great.

01:38:38.000 I don't know if that would...

01:38:41.000 I think it would help.

01:38:42.000 Oh! 0.60

01:38:42.000 That's what I'm talking about. 0.60

01:38:44.000 Yeah, we don't have any...

01:38:45.000 This is the glove.

01:38:46.000 I'm talking about...

01:38:47.000 Oh! 0.60

01:38:48.000 Yeah!

01:38:49.000 That's what... 0.99

01:38:51.000 I don't like when people talk shit about how easy smelling salts are. 0.99

01:38:55.000 I'm like, oh, you've never had real smelling salts. 0.99

01:38:57.000 I've never been this awake in my life.

01:38:59.000 That's what I'm saying.

01:39:00.000 That's what I'm talking about.

01:39:02.000 Oh, man, I'm going to do one up on the other side.

01:39:03.000 Shout out to that dude, Juju Mufu, right?

01:39:05.000 Am I saying it right?

01:39:06.000 Yep.

01:39:07.000 Shout out to him for creating the greatest smelling salts in the history of the world.

01:39:10.000 Did you go in for a second?

01:39:12.000 Yeah, yeah. 1.00

01:39:12.000 Oh, my God, you fucking animal. 1.00

01:39:13.000 He only got it in one side. 1.00

01:39:14.000 He's an animal.

01:39:15.000 He only went up one side if I had to get that other side.

01:39:17.000 I thought he was going to leave the show.

01:39:18.000 Oh, man, I was...

01:39:21.000 I was worried you were going to get mad and leave the show.

01:39:22.000 That was like meth.

01:39:24.000 That's very potent.

01:39:25.000 That's what it feels like going down. 0.89

01:39:27.000 Well, this guy who created this is like this crazy power-lifted dude.

01:39:31.000 But there's no after-effect of it, is there?

01:39:34.000 No.

01:39:34.000 I don't think you should do it too often.

01:39:37.000 I just did it once every 10 seconds.

01:39:39.000 It's not making me any smarter.

01:39:41.000 Yeah, okay.

01:39:42.000 All right. 0.99

01:39:42.000 Well, I don't have anywhere to go but fucking up. 0.99

01:39:47.000 All of us have nowhere to go but up. 0.97

01:39:48.000 That's what AI is all about.

01:39:50.000 But I think it's probably not good.

01:39:53.000 That's that guy.

01:39:54.000 He created it. 1.00

01:39:55.000 Look at the body on that son of a bitch. 1.00

01:39:57.000 Look at the crazy shit he can do. 1.00

01:39:59.000 Full splits in between chairs while holding up. 1.00

01:40:02.000 It looks like Josh Blue.

01:40:03.000 Yeah.

01:40:04.000 Not in that picture. 0.72

01:40:06.000 Dude's a crazy athlete. 0.98

01:40:08.000 That is absolutely ridiculous strength to be able to do that, and that's preposterous. 1.00

01:40:14.000 So a lot of those powerlifter dudes, they take a big blast of this shit before they lift. 0.99

01:40:21.000 Okay, let's say I want to look like that, but I'm 67, right? 0.99

01:40:25.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:40:25.000 How many hours a day would I have to dedicate of my life No bullshit. 0.99

01:40:33.000 I mean, of course, I could never get to that. 0.98

01:40:35.000 No, you couldn't get to that. 0.99

01:40:36.000 But no bullshit. 0.99

01:40:37.000 You could change your entire body with weightlifting and steroids in a year. 1.00

01:40:46.000 We would get you to a Russian scientist, and they'd hook you up with the latest fucking greatest top shelf. 0.84

01:40:53.000 Like, if we had a project.

01:40:55.000 Like, did you ever see that documentary, Icarus?

01:40:58.000 It's a great...

01:40:59.000 Icarus.

01:40:59.000 Yeah, I think so.

01:41:00.000 Yeah, it's Brian Fogel's...

01:41:04.000 It's his, right?

01:41:05.000 Brian Fogel's...

01:41:06.000 Why did I freeze there?

01:41:08.000 Brian, who also did Dissident, which is another amazing documentary, but Brian did this race. 0.83

01:41:15.000 He did it completely clean, and then he was going to get this Russian doping guy to tell him what to take, and then he was going to do the same race the next year juiced up.

01:41:24.000 He was doing it for a documentary to show what the difference is.

01:41:28.000 He's not competitive like he could win.

01:41:30.000 He's a very good cyclist, though.

01:41:31.000 So in the middle of this process of going through this thing with this Russian guy, it comes out that the Russians cheated in the Sochi Olympics.

01:41:41.000 And so when they cheated in the Olympics, they used piss that was like fake piss.

01:41:47.000 They like smuggled piss through a hole in the wall. 0.56

01:41:49.000 And this guy was a part of the whole program and he's in this documentary.

01:41:53.000 And these were cyclists?

01:41:56.000 No.

01:41:57.000 He's a cyclist.

01:41:58.000 He gets doped up for this documentary.

01:42:00.000 This is what he's doing.

01:42:01.000 So in getting doped up with steroids and EPO, he's talking to this guy who's the head of this Russian anti-doping agency, who's really just...

01:42:09.000 They're just Russian doping.

01:42:11.000 Everyone's doped.

01:42:12.000 And this guy tells him everything.

01:42:14.000 He spills the beans on the whole program. 0.99

01:42:17.000 And now the guy's in the fucking witness protection plan. 0.97

01:42:20.000 They've got him, like, shuttle all around the country to keep him alive. 1.00

01:42:24.000 Russia wants them dead.

01:42:26.000 They juiced the whole Olympic team.

01:42:30.000 And this guy, Brian, got very lucky and caught it in the middle of it happening. 0.99

01:42:36.000 So it's just dumb luck that the Russians get busted for doping while he's doing a documentary on doping with the guy who did the fucking doping. 0.98

01:42:45.000 And he didn't have anything to do with them getting exposed. 0.99

01:42:48.000 No, not at all.

01:42:50.000 What happened was they used these jars that were supposed to be impregnable, right?

01:42:54.000 So there's these jars, you would urinate into the jar, and then once they had your sample, it would be sealed in a way that no one could open.

01:43:01.000 Well, they found these micro-scratches that are all over the inside of these supposedly sealed jars that led them to believe that someone had figured out a way to hack into that and open these things.

01:43:10.000 And they realized that the Russians had figured out a way, with a new piece of equipment, they engineered, they got their own bottles, and they engineered a tool that would allow them to open it up, and then they would put it back on. 0.81

01:43:21.000 So they would go, and they would take the piss out, and they would bring it in with a new bottle.

01:43:26.000 And the new bottle was filled with clean piss.

01:43:30.000 And so there's literally, they had a hole in the wall, literally had a hole in the wall where they were swapping out the clean piss for the dirty piss.

01:43:38.000 Look at this, they have an official urine sample room, hole in storage space, and in the storage space is where they had all the clean urine.

01:43:46.000 And they got busted while this guy was doing it. 0.99

01:43:48.000 So if we got that guy, that Russian, to turn you into a fucking stud, we need about 16 months. 1.00

01:43:55.000 We need about 16 months. 0.99

01:43:56.000 But do we really need a Ron White that's all amped up on that?

01:43:59.000 We don't need that.

01:44:00.000 No.

01:44:00.000 We don't need that.

01:44:01.000 But if you ever want to go that way.

01:44:02.000 No.

01:44:04.000 You don't need that.

01:44:05.000 But just like, you know, you don't need to play golf.

01:44:07.000 Yeah.

01:44:08.000 Well, I'm the one that asked the question.

01:44:09.000 No, no, no.

01:44:10.000 It's a fair question.

01:44:12.000 It's like, how long would it take?

01:44:13.000 I mean, you're not obese.

01:44:16.000 You're fit because you walk around a lot.

01:44:18.000 You're doing a lot of golf.

01:44:18.000 You're playing a sport all the time.

01:44:20.000 So you're active.

01:44:21.000 I stretch for that game, so I'm pretty limber for a 67-year-old.

01:44:28.000 That game looks like it would really benefit from rotational work.

01:44:32.000 Yeah.

01:44:33.000 Do you ever do it with a trainer or do you do cables?

01:44:37.000 No.

01:44:37.000 Everything I do in my golf swing right now I do to avoid two tears I've got in my shoulders.

01:44:44.000 But for the most part, it doesn't hurt to make that, because everything stays connected.

01:44:48.000 It's when I do like this that they really hurt.

01:44:52.000 Have you ever done stem cells?

01:44:53.000 Yeah, well, with the same guys with Ways to Well folks.

01:44:57.000 And it's better than it was, because before, I couldn't do that at all, and now I can.

01:45:03.000 And it doesn't really hurt that bad.

01:45:05.000 But before, if I got it to there and just pushed it back a little bit, it not only hurt, it hurt when I quit doing it.

01:45:12.000 And still, it's not exactly right.

01:45:15.000 It's not exactly right.

01:45:16.000 I have a plan that can help you tremendously that I use for my shoulders.

01:45:22.000 I have no affiliation with this company.

01:45:23.000 It's called Crossover Symmetry.

01:45:25.000 I bought it.

01:45:26.000 I bought it online.

01:45:26.000 I think I bought it on Amazon.

01:45:28.000 I had one at home and one at the gym.

01:45:30.000 It's a bunch of different cords.

01:45:32.000 They attach to posts.

01:45:33.000 And they have these cables, and some of them are like 10 pounds, some of them are 15 pounds, some of them are 25 pounds.

01:45:38.000 And they give you a plaque, and the plaque has a series of different exercises for your shoulders, all for shoulder strength.

01:45:45.000 It makes a giant difference.

01:45:47.000 A giant difference.

01:45:48.000 So you use these cables and it's not hard work.

01:45:52.000 You're not like lifting heavy weight or anything like this.

01:45:54.000 This is like rehabilitation and strength work.

01:45:57.000 So on the last ones, you are getting like a good pump, but it's very controlled.

01:46:03.000 It's very controllable.

01:46:04.000 And in the process, you're strengthening your shoulders.

01:46:09.000 You're strengthening all the things that are not that strong, which is why you're probably getting injured in the first place.

01:46:14.000 Unless it's some sort of a catastrophic situation.

01:46:17.000 For the most part, people get injured because their shoulders just aren't in good condition.

01:46:20.000 No, I fell when I was I was young off a cliff into a pool that was 78 feet.

01:46:27.000 Hamilton's Pool, right over here in Austin, Texas.

01:46:29.000 And I landed not like you should land.

01:46:32.000 Okay, so it was catastrophic.

01:46:33.000 And it ripped everything.

01:46:35.000 It sprained both wrists and my shoulders.

01:46:37.000 But I never had it looked at.

01:46:38.000 It was just bad for a long time.

01:46:40.000 Then I had it just a few years ago in Beverly Hills. 0.99

01:46:43.000 I had them do a CAT scan or whatever the fuck. 0.98

01:46:45.000 MRI, probably. 0.97

01:46:46.000 What'd they say?

01:46:47.000 It said he got tears in both of them.

01:46:49.000 There.

01:46:49.000 That's where I fell, right here.

01:46:50.000 It was 78 feet.

01:46:52.000 Oh my God.

01:46:52.000 And I was standing at the top where people were jumping off and I was really drunk.

01:46:57.000 And I didn't really jump off.

01:46:59.000 I kind of tripped and stumbled and then just went, oh well, I'm going with it and fell off. 0.99

01:47:03.000 Oh shit. 0.84

01:47:04.000 And I just landed like I was sitting down with my arms kind of back. 1.00

01:47:08.000 Oh, God.

01:47:09.000 How deep is the water?

01:47:10.000 Well, it turned out I wasn't very deep into it.

01:47:13.000 It's a pretty deep pool, but I don't even know.

01:47:16.000 But I was this far underwater because that's how flat I landed.

01:47:19.000 I didn't even go underwater.

01:47:22.000 Oh, no.

01:47:22.000 That must have sucked.

01:47:24.000 It knocked the breath out of me and people were like, are you okay? 0.58

01:47:27.000 And I'm like, which they took that to me and I'm fine.

01:47:31.000 Yeah, don't do a thing.

01:47:32.000 Even if you have damage to your shoulders, that shoulder strengthening program will help you.

01:47:38.000 It'll help you retain range of motion because you're doing it kind of slowly.

01:47:44.000 And if you just stay persistent with it and consistent and just do it every day, And if you're doing it every day, you're not even doing it, like, that hard.

01:47:52.000 It's not like a thing where you're, like, killing yourself.

01:47:54.000 But you're doing, like, I's, Y's, and T's with, like, little dumbbells.

01:47:58.000 Do things like that.

01:47:59.000 And just do, like, easy things that strengthen your shoulder.

01:48:02.000 You'd be amazed at how much more shoulder mobility and strength you'd have if you just strengthened all the connective stuff.

01:48:09.000 Yeah, I'm sure.

01:48:09.000 I'm sure that doing anything would be more than I'm doing now, which is absolutely nothing.

01:48:15.000 Yeah, get a fucking trainer, Ron. 0.99

01:48:17.000 Get some... 1.00

01:48:18.000 You know what?

01:48:18.000 I tried to get...

01:48:19.000 I used to have...

01:48:20.000 Sassy young lady that's gonna crack you into shape. 1.00

01:48:22.000 I used to have my yoga instructor would come over my house every day or five days a week and she was beautiful and smart and funny and she was great and it was basically a yoga nap. 0.95

01:48:33.000 It was so easy.

01:48:39.000 I like it.

01:48:40.000 But my girlfriend was like, eh. 1.00

01:48:44.000 Good calling her part.

01:48:46.000 She was all over me. 1.00

01:48:48.000 She's never wrong.

01:48:49.000 She's got this intuition and she's never been wrong.

01:48:52.000 Yeah, they don't want that around your man.

01:48:55.000 That's them yoga freaks. 1.00

01:48:56.000 Yeah.

01:48:57.000 They're a little bit more in tune to sexuality.

01:48:59.000 They're in a room that's 94 degrees and they're all sweating on top of each other.

01:49:03.000 Yeah, it has a lasting impression.

01:49:06.000 Sticking their crotches up in the air.

01:49:07.000 I mean, everybody's a little bit more free after a yoga class.

01:49:12.000 But it was still good for me.

01:49:13.000 It was a good way to start the day.

01:49:15.000 Oh yeah, it's a great way to start the day.

01:49:17.000 I used to love doing it that way when I lived in California.

01:49:20.000 I used to do the Bikram style.

01:49:23.000 They changed the name after he got busted a bunch of times, but it was Bikram's when I first started.

01:49:29.000 It was that series of poses, which I think he just popularized.

01:49:33.000 I don't believe any of them.

01:49:35.000 I don't even know if he put them in that order, if they were already in that order that people do them, but whatever it is.

01:49:41.000 That order. 0.95

01:49:41.000 Forget what you think about him, as gross as that guy is. 0.95

01:49:45.000 That guy, he's very funny. 0.59

01:49:47.000 He wasn't all that gross. 0.99

01:49:49.000 People will pay one million dollars for one drop of my sperm. 0.99

01:49:53.000 You ever see him say that? 0.68

01:49:54.000 Yeah.

01:49:54.000 You ever see him say that?

01:49:55.000 A million dollars for it. 1.00

01:49:58.000 I mean, he's a psychopath. 0.99

01:50:01.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:50:01.000 Wild man. 1.00

01:50:02.000 But that guy... 1.00

01:50:04.000 That's why you really can't start fucking your followers. 0.99

01:50:08.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:50:08.000 Because it's just gonna... 0.99

01:50:10.000 Even though it seems like a good idea at the time, but yeah, he was getting a lot of...

01:50:14.000 He's a cult leader.

01:50:15.000 I mean, I think it's just like any other cult, even though it does provide the benefit of the yoga.

01:50:20.000 The thing is, whatever it is, you take him out of the equation, because they're not his exercises, and I don't think they're his order.

01:50:29.000 Can you find out if that's true, if you put it in that order?

01:50:31.000 If he invented the order.

01:50:32.000 But whatever it is, if you just follow those exercises in that order, it's awesome.

01:50:39.000 And you do it every day.

01:50:40.000 And there's no variation.

01:50:41.000 I love variation in a yoga class.

01:50:43.000 I love to be able to go in a yoga class and doing different stuff.

01:50:46.000 It's fun. 0.66

01:50:46.000 But I also love going to this class where it's a 90-minute class and there's a specific number of movements and you know what they are because you've done this over and over and over and over again and it's a fucking challenge and you're all in there gutting it out together. 0.66

01:51:00.000 Like, that's a real human struggle. 0.97

01:51:03.000 I know it sounds ridiculous.

01:51:04.000 My experience was nothing like that.

01:51:06.000 This was Kai.

01:51:08.000 I'm on a little thing stretching my back while I'm laying there breathing in some incense.

01:51:13.000 That's good, too, though.

01:51:14.000 Yeah, doing some breath work.

01:51:17.000 Listen, that's good, too.

01:51:18.000 Just breathing and no grunting.

01:51:21.000 Well, with the 90-minute one, you got to be hydrated.

01:51:25.000 You got to be prepared for that.

01:51:26.000 You got to get some electrolytes in your system.

01:51:28.000 Yeah, I went to a hot yoga one time, and I literally threw up in the parking lot.

01:51:31.000 I was in there.

01:51:32.000 It made me sick, and I'd eaten, you know, whatever.

01:51:35.000 I guess you shouldn't eat.

01:51:36.000 I think they do it at 104. I think it's 104 degrees.

01:51:39.000 Buker Muga also follows a sequence of 26 postures.

01:51:42.000 Students improve flexibility and circulation through this sequence with the high temperatures allow them to enter each pose posture more easily.

01:51:50.000 The poses were chosen from Chudhuri, from classic Hatha poses designed to systematically move fresh oxygenated blood to 100% of your body to each organ and fiber.

01:52:02.000 So it was him?

01:52:03.000 He came up with this sequence?

01:52:05.000 I think he hacked it, right?

01:52:07.000 I think.

01:52:08.000 I think he hacked it.

01:52:09.000 I'm not finding anything that says he thinks.

01:52:10.000 Because he made a bunch of claims about winning yoga tournaments in this country, and they're like, we don't have yoga tournaments in this country.

01:52:17.000 It's a yoga kumite.

01:52:18.000 They meet in the woods.

01:52:19.000 It's a yoga to death. 0.81

01:52:21.000 Okay, Hathi Yoga Studio practice different types of yoga.

01:52:24.000 Most studios try to keep their hot yoga classes anywhere from a balmy 75 degrees to a steamy 95 degrees.

01:52:29.000 Elevated temperature.

01:52:30.000 I think they do 104. Let's just explain this place, yeah.

01:52:34.000 Since we practice Beakam yoga, our goal is to replicate the environment found in southern India.

01:52:39.000 Our yoga teachers set the thermostats from 103 to 108 degrees.

01:52:43.000 Let's go!

01:52:44.000 Now that's hot yoga. 0.95

01:52:45.000 That's what Tony does, right?

01:52:46.000 He does that every week.

01:52:48.000 It's a Pete Floyd music.

01:52:49.000 Yeah, he says it's a really good class.

01:52:52.000 But he loves doing that hot yoga.

01:52:54.000 It keeps Tony normal. 0.93

01:52:56.000 It helps him with his evil brain. 0.97

01:52:58.000 His evil brain needs a touch of the divine. 0.95

01:53:01.000 He needs to be connected. 0.96

01:53:02.000 I love him to death.

01:53:04.000 He's the best. 0.99

01:53:05.000 You sold out to fucking Madison Square Garden in three hours. 0.99

01:53:09.000 Two Madison Square Gardens. 1.00

01:53:10.000 They're killing the game.

01:53:12.000 They deserve everything they're getting.

01:53:14.000 It's a fantastic show.

01:53:16.000 When he came up with that idea...

01:53:19.000 I don't think.

01:53:31.000 But it's such an engaging, amazingly great idea.

01:53:34.000 Well, you know what it is?

01:53:36.000 It's an idea that was developed entirely by Tony and Red Band together over years.

01:53:42.000 So Tony comes up with the idea.

01:53:45.000 He partners together with Red Band.

01:53:46.000 They figure out how to do this slowly over years.

01:53:50.000 So they're doing it in the belly room. 1.00

01:53:52.000 Of the comedy store in front of like 50 fucking people. 0.98

01:53:55.000 There's no one there in the beginning. 0.99

01:53:56.000 They're doing from that to selling out Madison Square Garden in three hours in like 10 years.

01:54:03.000 Right.

01:54:04.000 Yeah, you can question it all you want to.

01:54:06.000 If you leave a great comic alone and let him come up with his own thing and figure out...

01:54:11.000 No one's better at hosting a show than that guy.

01:54:14.000 Oh, nobody.

01:54:15.000 Because he's into wrestling. 0.98

01:54:18.000 So everything he announces, it's hard to follow the fucking credits that he gives you when he brings you on stage in that thing. 0.99

01:54:25.000 If you're one of his regulars, you're going to think, this guy sold out three nights at fucking Madison Square Garden. 0.98

01:54:31.000 You've got to go follow that intro. 0.96

01:54:33.000 But, you know, nobody could do it.

01:54:36.000 Nobody else could do it but him.

01:54:37.000 He's so quick.

01:54:38.000 He's so quick with, like, roast lines.

01:54:41.000 Like, when him and David Lucas go at it, I swear, I don't think I ever laugh harder in life.

01:54:48.000 There's some videos of him and David Lucas going at it where...

01:54:51.000 I'm red like a grape and I can't breathe because I haven't taken in a breath in 30 seconds.

01:54:57.000 I'm just laughing.

01:54:58.000 I'm just dying.

01:55:00.000 They're so good at going back and forth with each other.

01:55:03.000 They're so good.

01:55:04.000 There's a shit ton of videos.

01:55:05.000 We don't have to play any of them.

01:55:06.000 If people are interested, there's a shit ton of videos online of Tony and David Lucas. 0.98

01:55:11.000 I've been telling these fucking dudes since the beginning of time. 0.97

01:55:14.000 Not like Tony needs anything else now. 0.99

01:55:15.000 But if you wanted to do another podcast, the podcast is him and David Lucas just talking shit and reading the news. 0.98

01:55:23.000 I'm like, you two get together and just talk shit about the news and start ragging on each other. 0.98

01:55:28.000 It would be immensely popular. 0.99

01:55:31.000 Right.

01:55:32.000 Immensely popular.

01:55:33.000 Those two dudes have magic together. 0.98

01:55:35.000 There's something about those two characters when they get together and start talking shit to each other and they're both laughing when they get each other. 0.97

01:55:40.000 There's no hard feelings at all. 0.99

01:55:42.000 Right.

01:55:42.000 None.

01:55:43.000 None at all.

01:55:44.000 When Tony gets David hard, David is the hardest laugher in the room.

01:55:48.000 He's laughing harder than anybody, and he's enjoying it.

01:55:50.000 He doesn't feel bad at all.

01:55:53.000 Not even a smidgen.

01:55:55.000 And neither does Tony. 1.00

01:55:56.000 When David gets Tony and Tony goes, you son of a bitch. 1.00

01:56:00.000 Yeah, you son of a bitch. 1.00

01:56:01.000 You got me. 1.00

01:56:02.000 You son of a bitch. 1.00

01:56:04.000 They start talking about his bald spot. 1.00

01:56:06.000 You son of a bitch. 1.00

01:56:07.000 Son of a bitch. 1.00

01:56:09.000 They have so much fun. 1.00

01:56:11.000 It's amazing because it's just such a well-oiled machine.

01:56:13.000 It's just been running so smooth for so long.

01:56:16.000 And then the New Year shows just took them to a totally different level.

01:56:20.000 You know, having Jelly Roll come out there and sing to open up the show. 1.00

01:56:25.000 What the fuck, man? 1.00

01:56:27.000 What the fuck? 1.00

01:56:28.000 Everybody wants to participate, you know? 1.00

01:56:30.000 Oh my god, it's so special. 0.95

01:56:31.000 It's fucking awesome. 0.90

01:56:33.000 And it's, I tell everybody, it's the cornerstone of stand-up comedy in Austin. 0.98

01:56:38.000 It's the cornerstone. 0.99

01:56:39.000 Because it's a place where people can get their first time ever on stage and you can do it in front of a million fucking people. 0.98

01:56:46.000 Yeah, I don't know. 0.96

01:56:48.000 I was pretty nervous, and it was like 85 people.

01:56:53.000 Yeah, but it's okay.

01:56:54.000 Do you want to do this or not?

01:56:56.000 Right.

01:56:56.000 You know what?

01:56:57.000 Not you.

01:56:58.000 It's the most amazing thing.

01:57:00.000 People coming up.

01:57:01.000 Because it does send a net out there to find talented people that they might not have seen that avenue to get to where we are another way.

01:57:10.000 But they're fans of that.

01:57:12.000 They're like, I could do that.

01:57:13.000 And then they do what it takes to get in it.

01:57:15.000 And also, it encourages the spread of other rooms around town.

01:57:20.000 You've got enough talent that they get together, and then a guy says, hey, I have a room.

01:57:25.000 Do you guys want to book a room?

01:57:27.000 And then you always get that from the more industrious of the comics.

01:57:31.000 They'll figure, oh, we've got a bar over here, Tuesday night, comedy night.

01:57:35.000 And so the amount of work that folks can get around here is crazy right now.

01:57:40.000 You know what I used to do?

01:57:41.000 I used to go to hotels that had a restaurant in them.

01:57:45.000 And I'd set up a comedy competition where you won $25 and a meal for two people.

01:57:53.000 And then I would only invite comics I knew I could beat because I wanted that money.

01:57:57.000 I needed that $25 and that free dinner for two.

01:58:00.000 Me and Lori, Marshall's mom, would go down there just happy as we could be eating our free food.

01:58:05.000 I won another one, you know.

01:58:07.000 Why didn't John McDonnell eat?

01:58:09.000 Well, yeah, I couldn't get a hold of him.

01:58:11.000 That's smart.

01:58:12.000 Oh, yeah.

01:58:12.000 What a great way to...

01:58:13.000 A little stage time.

01:58:15.000 Nice.

01:58:16.000 That's a good scam.

01:58:17.000 Free food?

01:58:17.000 That's a solid scam.

01:58:19.000 Yeah.

01:58:19.000 Yeah, when I lived in Boston, we were real lucky.

01:58:21.000 There were so many road gigs.

01:58:23.000 There were so many gigs you could do on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday.

01:58:27.000 You could almost work seven days a week if you knew enough booking agents and you were willing to drive.

01:58:32.000 You had a reliable car.

01:58:33.000 You could go to New Hampshire one night.

01:58:34.000 Next night, you're in Bill Ricca.

01:58:36.000 Next night, you're in Rhode Island.

01:58:37.000 Like, you're moving around.

01:58:39.000 Well, you know what I did, which was pretty smart, and I never accuse myself of being smart very often, but I noticed that really you're a master of ceremonies, you're not the opening act.

01:58:51.000 Your biggest job as the opener was to be the MC. I noticed everybody was doing a really shitty job.

01:58:58.000 They had crinkled up notes in their pocket, next week at the thing.

01:59:04.000 I'm like, I'm going to get good at that.

01:59:08.000 My act too, but I'm going to do a really good job.

01:59:10.000 I'm going to study the notes.

01:59:11.000 I'm going to know them.

01:59:12.000 I'm going to make it look like a show.

01:59:13.000 I'm going to do a better job at being a host.

01:59:16.000 Then those guys are.

01:59:18.000 And then there were four clubs in the Dallas area.

01:59:21.000 I worked one of them once a month as the opening act. 0.98

01:59:24.000 So I worked every goddamn night, nine shows a week. 0.98

01:59:27.000 But you know why? 1.00

01:59:28.000 Because I was a better fucking host, not because I was funnier. 0.99

01:59:31.000 I made it look like showbiz. 0.99

01:59:33.000 That's nice. 0.99

01:59:34.000 Make it look like a slick fucking deal. 0.99

01:59:35.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:59:36.000 That's what Tony does.

01:59:37.000 He makes it look like the right kind of package.

01:59:40.000 It's done the right way.

01:59:42.000 But it's also wild, too.

01:59:43.000 That show's wild. 1.00

01:59:44.000 Some of the shit they say is so wild. 1.00

01:59:47.000 They so go for it. 1.00

01:59:49.000 Well, that's what I love about it, because you don't know.

01:59:53.000 You don't know.

01:59:53.000 That deck ain't stacked, folks.

01:59:55.000 Let me tell you something.

01:59:56.000 I tried to stack it one time, because my banker wanted to do stand-up, and I thought I could just slide him in. 0.98

02:00:01.000 They were like, no fucking way. 0.97

02:00:02.000 Those come out of a hat. 0.99

02:00:04.000 We don't know who they are.

02:00:05.000 It's the only way to do it.

02:00:06.000 And you guys explained to me, and I'm like, of course that's right.

02:00:09.000 It has to be like biblical law.

02:00:12.000 Yeah.

02:00:12.000 You know, like you have to just really reach in there and really get a piece, otherwise you're lying about the whole thing.

02:00:18.000 Right, right.

02:00:18.000 And I'm telling you folks, I tried, and I was shot down.

02:00:22.000 No, the show crackles.

02:00:25.000 It crackles.

02:00:25.000 I had to go back to my banker and go, uh, yeah, I can't do anything really to help you.

02:00:29.000 That's hilarious, your banker.

02:00:31.000 Yeah.

02:00:31.000 He's going to give you an interest rate decrease.

02:00:33.000 I'm sure he's hilarious.

02:00:35.000 The world's missing out on something big.

02:00:37.000 Maybe it'd be fun to watch them all.

02:00:38.000 But you know what?

02:00:39.000 The thing is, you can come up there with a recommendation from me.

02:00:42.000 You can do three minutes on Monday night.

02:00:44.000 Sure.

02:00:45.000 Yeah, you can do open mic night.

02:00:46.000 Open mic night.

02:00:47.000 And that's what he did.

02:00:49.000 Well, that's a great way to start.

02:00:50.000 That's how you want to start.

02:00:51.000 You don't want to start on Kill Tony, but a lot of people have.

02:00:53.000 Well, yeah, right.

02:00:54.000 That's what I mean.

02:00:55.000 That would be a hard place to start.

02:00:57.000 Insane. 1.00

02:00:58.000 Especially if you know it's a million fucking people. 0.99

02:01:00.000 But also, like, amazing thing to document if that really was the first time and you actually wound up running on from there and having a career. 0.90

02:01:06.000 Yeah, and you'd have good footage of it.

02:01:09.000 Yeah, I mean, look, it can be done.

02:01:11.000 It can be done if you're funny.

02:01:12.000 There's people out there that are, we all know people that are so funny that for whatever reason never decided to stand up.

02:01:18.000 For me, it was my boss.

02:01:19.000 I was working for a private investigator at one point in time.

02:01:22.000 And he lost his license drinking and driving, and he put in an ad for a private investigator's assistant.

02:01:27.000 It was really just someone to drive him around because he didn't have a license.

02:01:30.000 And so I was looking for unconventional ways to make money while I was doing martial arts.

02:01:34.000 So that was what I decided to do.

02:01:35.000 I started working for this guy.

02:01:37.000 When I was doing stand-up comedy.

02:01:38.000 When I had just started.

02:01:40.000 I was just like one open mic, two open mics in.

02:01:42.000 Like I had just started.

02:01:44.000 And I met this dude.

02:01:45.000 And he was absolutely the funniest dude I had ever met in my life.

02:01:49.000 I couldn't believe how funny he was.

02:01:50.000 Funnier than any of the comedians at the clubs.

02:01:54.000 Totally natural, laughing about everything. 0.99

02:01:58.000 And the guy fucking went cold turkey. 0.99

02:02:00.000 No AA, no programs, no nothing. 0.99

02:02:02.000 Crashed his car, ran from the cops, got busted, and is like, you know what? 0.99

02:02:06.000 I'm fucking done. 0.99

02:02:07.000 I'm fucking done. 0.99

02:02:08.000 This guy was a character, man. 1.00

02:02:11.000 He was a fucking character. 1.00

02:02:13.000 His name is Dave Dolan. 1.00

02:02:14.000 He used to call himself Dynamite Dickless Dave Dolan. 0.99

02:02:16.000 He's one of the funniest fucking human beings I've ever met. 0.97

02:02:18.000 And you just drove him around? 0.99

02:02:19.000 I drove him around for months.

02:02:20.000 Because I forget how long he lost his license for.

02:02:23.000 I don't know what it is, you know, when your license gets suspended for DUI. But he lost it for quite an amount of time.

02:02:29.000 And during that time, I was making my transition from stand-up, from fighting, to stand-up.

02:02:37.000 Because I was in the middle of both worlds.

02:02:39.000 And it was while I was working for him that I had my last fights.

02:02:41.000 Were you still playing pool at the same time?

02:02:43.000 No, I wasn't playing pool at all.

02:02:44.000 No, I wasn't playing pool at all.

02:02:46.000 I didn't start playing pool until I hurt my knee.

02:02:48.000 I mean, I played a couple of times here and there with friends, but I wasn't really into it until I tore my ACL. You know, if you have an ACL injury, it has to be diagnosed, then you have to schedule an appointment, you have to get surgery.

02:03:00.000 So it was a long time where I couldn't do any martial arts. 0.97

02:03:04.000 It was just too unstable, and it was really fucked up. 0.97

02:03:07.000 I badly tore my ACL and tore my meniscus. 0.97

02:03:10.000 It was like real wobbly.

02:03:11.000 So I really couldn't do martial arts.

02:03:13.000 So it was only just like lifting weights and I was looking for something challenging to do.

02:03:16.000 And me and my friend would go.

02:03:18.000 He got a job.

02:03:19.000 My friend John got a job working at this pool hall.

02:03:21.000 And he and I would just go there and just knock balls around for free during the day because he was working there.

02:03:25.000 So he'd be like working behind the counter.

02:03:27.000 And I just got obsessed with it, man.

02:03:29.000 And I just happened to be around all these people that were like really good players, like high-level professionals would come in from the road because it was a gambling pool hall.

02:03:39.000 It's called Executive Billiards in White Plains.

02:03:41.000 Is this Boston?

02:03:42.000 No, this was New York.

02:03:43.000 Okay.

02:03:43.000 So I didn't really get into pool until I was like 23?

02:03:48.000 24?

02:03:50.000 23 or 24. That's when I really started getting into pool.

02:03:52.000 Before stand-up?

02:03:54.000 No, I was in the middle of stand-up.

02:03:56.000 It was a problem where my manager said to me, he goes, I think you care more about pool than you do your career. 0.99

02:04:01.000 I was like, oh shit. 0.99

02:04:02.000 It was like golf. 1.00

02:04:03.000 It was like your golf.

02:04:04.000 I was playing every day.

02:04:06.000 Eight, ten hours a day.

02:04:07.000 Every day.

02:04:08.000 Every day.

02:04:09.000 I was traveling to go play in tournaments.

02:04:11.000 I was going to tournaments many nights of the week that I could have easily been doing stand-up.

02:04:14.000 I was going to play in tournaments.

02:04:16.000 I'd go to Connecticut to play.

02:04:17.000 I'd go to Jersey to play.

02:04:19.000 I go to West End Billiards and watch the Killers play.

02:04:22.000 Wow.

02:04:23.000 West End Billiards was this place in a real sketchy part of New Jersey.

02:04:28.000 Ooh, it was sketchy.

02:04:29.000 And it was this place where it was world-renowned as being like a player's pool hall. 0.97

02:04:36.000 Like Hawaiian Rodney Morris was there, and fucking Mike Siegel played there. 0.51

02:04:42.000 Like, the greats of all time had played in that place. 0.90

02:04:43.000 Did they even have places like that around here?

02:04:47.000 It's not that many of them.

02:04:48.000 There's hard times in Sacramento.

02:04:49.000 That's still a big one.

02:04:51.000 That's a big one.

02:04:52.000 They stream big tournaments from there.

02:04:53.000 Yeah.

02:04:56.000 That one's legit.

02:04:57.000 That's a legit, like, real player's pool hall.

02:05:00.000 But there's not a lot of them left in the country, unfortunately.

02:05:05.000 Because the game is not very publicized, except it's got more of a following now because of the internet, because people are watching those clips.

02:05:11.000 And they realize, real high-level pool, you know, like Joshua Filler, watch that guy play.

02:05:17.000 My favorite is this guy from Taiwan.

02:05:20.000 His name is Ko Ping Chung.

02:05:22.000 He's my favorite.

02:05:24.000 He's so smooth.

02:05:26.000 When you watch that guy move the ball around the table, it's so effortless and precise.

02:05:32.000 And his cue ball control is just magical.

02:05:35.000 Magical.

02:05:36.000 He played in the U.S. Open and won 11 games in a row on a four-inch pocketed table.

02:05:44.000 If you knew how crazy that is to run those kind of racks...

02:05:49.000 On a four inch pocketed table.

02:05:51.000 It's like almost unheard of.

02:05:52.000 So what is a four?

02:05:53.000 I don't even know.

02:05:54.000 Okay, so if you buy a Brunswick gold crown stock from the factory, it probably has five inch pockets.

02:06:01.000 If you buy a diamond, it has four and a half, but you can get it all the way down to four.

02:06:06.000 And they got it all the way down to four. 0.99

02:06:08.000 Four inch pockets are fucking small. 0.99

02:06:10.000 They're small. 1.00

02:06:11.000 And this fucking dude ran 11 games with four inch pockets. 1.00

02:06:17.000 With four inch pockets. 1.00

02:06:19.000 So he ran 11 games?

02:06:21.000 I mean like the other guy didn't get a shot for 11 games?

02:06:24.000 Either the guy had a shot and missed and then he ran out or he had a safety.

02:06:30.000 He made a safety and the guy had a kick and then he got the ball back.

02:06:34.000 But whatever he did, he just played like perfect pool for a number of games.

02:06:40.000 See, if you watch the guy play, man, if you really know how to play, it's just effortless.

02:06:46.000 There's something about the style.

02:06:48.000 He just keeps getting better, too.

02:06:50.000 Every time you see him in each tournament, he just gets a little bit better.

02:06:54.000 These guys all stopped playing because of the pandemic.

02:06:56.000 So for a couple of years, they couldn't play internationally.

02:07:00.000 Right.

02:07:00.000 So they kind of fell off a little bit.

02:07:03.000 And only the guys who were in certain tours where you were allowed to still play, guys were playing with masks on.

02:07:08.000 It got like real weird for a while.

02:07:10.000 And some of the guys, since international travel was limited, they didn't get that high pressure, you know, going to the U.S. Open in Atlantic City.

02:07:17.000 That was the big one where he was at.

02:07:18.000 That's where he was while that was being shot.

02:07:21.000 That's all the killers from all around the world gather up in Atlantic City.

02:07:25.000 Do they know who's going to win before they go into it?

02:07:28.000 You can't know who's going to win.

02:07:29.000 They're too good.

02:07:30.000 So there's not a number one that's significantly better than everybody else, like there was in golf for years with Tiger Woods?

02:07:36.000 There's a guy named Shane Van Boning, and he's won more than anyone, and he's won the U.S. Open.

02:07:42.000 He's tied with Earl Strickland, who's another one of the all-time greats.

02:07:46.000 I think maybe Strickland has more.

02:07:48.000 Strickland might have more.

02:07:49.000 Who won the most U.S. Open, Shane Van Boning or Strickland?

02:07:52.000 Either way, this guy wins everything.

02:07:55.000 He's won World 90. He's won the US Open multiple times.

02:08:00.000 He's favored to beat most people, but that doesn't mean he's going to win.

02:08:03.000 Because a guy like Ko Ping Chung could just run out, and you might never get a chance. 0.96

02:08:07.000 And you don't even get a shot at it, right?

02:08:09.000 Okay, Earl Strickland and Shane Van Boning, both from the US, share the record for winning the US Open nine ball championship at the most time.

02:08:14.000 Five.

02:08:15.000 Strickland at 84, 87, 93, 97, and 2000. And Van Boning at 2007, 12, 13, 14, and 16. He's evil.

02:08:23.000 He's evil on the table.

02:08:25.000 And when he plays, he shuts his hearing aids off.

02:08:28.000 He's got hearing aids. 0.99

02:08:29.000 He shuts those bitches off, and he's in a world of his own, man. 1.00

02:08:32.000 He doesn't hear any jeering. 1.00

02:08:34.000 Pinball wizard.

02:08:34.000 He's the pinball wizard.

02:08:36.000 He's the pinball wizard. 0.99

02:08:37.000 Yeah, he's a monster, man. 0.99

02:08:39.000 He's a monster. 0.94

02:08:40.000 One of the greatest players of all time.

02:08:42.000 If you have a list of the top five greatest players of all time, and you have Shane Van Boning on that list, we're not having a conversation. 1.00

02:08:50.000 You're a silly person. 0.98

02:08:51.000 And what's his mothership? 1.00

02:08:52.000 Where does he go to hang out and play pool?

02:08:55.000 Well, South Dakota is where he started out.

02:08:56.000 They call him a South Dakota kid.

02:08:57.000 He had a table in the basement that had really tight pockets.

02:09:00.000 And he would practice his break on it so much that the center of the table was just white from being compressed from the cue ball, smashing into the rack and then slapping down the same spot over and over.

02:09:11.000 He broke so much that he created like a white cloud around where you rack the balls.

02:09:15.000 Wow. 0.99

02:09:16.000 Because he's just obsessed.

02:09:17.000 Wow.

02:09:18.000 And, like, universally regarded as one of the greatest breakers of all time, if not the greatest.

02:09:22.000 So these guys are on some spectrum.

02:09:24.000 A hundred percent.

02:09:26.000 Yeah, right, because it's got to matter.

02:09:28.000 You have to be.

02:09:29.000 Yeah, you got to.

02:09:31.000 You have to be.

02:09:32.000 You want to compete?

02:09:33.000 Yeah.

02:09:34.000 Go get vaccinated.

02:09:36.000 We need you. 1.00

02:09:37.000 We need you in a fucking different realm. 0.99

02:09:41.000 No, there's a lot of guys that are like super normal that are high-level competitors that are like normal guys. 0.99

02:09:47.000 Like you could hang out with them. 0.98

02:09:48.000 They're cool as fuck. 0.99

02:09:49.000 It's just an obsession that they could have been doing that with anything else. 0.99

02:09:53.000 It could have been disc golf.

02:09:55.000 It could have been frisbee.

02:09:56.000 Carpentry.

02:09:57.000 Whatever it is.

02:09:57.000 These are just obsessive people that are fascinated by the game.

02:10:01.000 It's a crazy Tiger stat I just saw over the weekend.

02:10:03.000 Over a 10-year stretch from 1999 to 2009, Tiger was more likely to win 34% than finish 9th or worse, 32%, for 10 years.

02:10:12.000 That's insane. 0.93

02:10:13.000 Yeah, he's a monster. 0.92

02:10:14.000 Yeah, nobody ever racks up those kinds of numbers. 0.99

02:10:17.000 Oh, he's a monster.

02:10:18.000 You've got 150 people every week, so you should win one... 0.98

02:10:22.000 One out of 152, you know, instead of 25% of the ones that you fucking enter, it's just crazy. 0.97

02:10:30.000 Yeah, you have to be a mad genius to pull that off. 0.96

02:10:35.000 And a mad genius raised by his dad to be that from the time he was really young.

02:10:41.000 You know?

02:10:41.000 Yeah, you'd have to have a springboard.

02:10:43.000 Right.

02:10:43.000 Yeah, I mean, that's what he was.

02:10:45.000 Right.

02:10:45.000 And also, like, if your dad plays golf, man, if someone in your family plays...

02:10:49.000 I really, really wonder this.

02:10:52.000 If you...

02:10:53.000 Are you transferring some of your comedy into your kids?

02:10:57.000 Are you transferring some of your...

02:10:59.000 They've said that even bad ideas, like even racism, can be inherited.

02:11:04.000 Right?

02:11:04.000 This is like a speculation.

02:11:06.000 I forget how they ran that study.

02:11:07.000 But they think that there's some aspect of thinking and of life and of experiences that somehow or another gets transferred to your kid.

02:11:16.000 Which makes sense because the big ones do.

02:11:19.000 Like fear of spiders.

02:11:21.000 Fear of monsters in the basement.

02:11:25.000 Those fears that kids have?

02:11:27.000 You think they come...

02:11:28.000 They come from memories of being eaten by cats almost entirely.

02:11:33.000 It's thousands of years of proto-hominids being slaughtered by cats. 1.00

02:11:38.000 Oh, wow.

02:11:38.000 Yeah, that's why we're scared of monsters.

02:11:40.000 It just doesn't bother me, I guess.

02:11:42.000 Well, it would if we were outside, Ron.

02:11:44.000 Yeah, I feel safe in here.

02:11:46.000 I feel safe in here with your big frog burps.

02:11:50.000 Yeah.

02:11:52.000 Big frog burps.

02:11:53.000 We have to have protection from the animals, folks.

02:11:56.000 Don't get cocky.

02:11:57.000 People are getting cocky right now.

02:11:59.000 They're getting cocky, talking about bringing grizzly bears back. 1.00

02:12:01.000 Shut your fucking dirty mouth. 1.00

02:12:04.000 Do you want grizzly bears in Beverly Hills? 1.00

02:12:06.000 If they're gonna be fully protected and you can't do anything about it, are you gonna count on the wildlife people to be able to get the grizzly bear?

02:12:14.000 Yeah, and you gotta...

02:12:15.000 Before it eats you? 1.00

02:12:16.000 I'm gonna tell you right now, if that grizzly wants to fuck you, just let him fuck you. 1.00

02:12:19.000 Let him fuck you. 1.00

02:12:20.000 That's the best case scenario. 1.00

02:12:22.000 Don't fight back.

02:12:23.000 Don't argue.

02:12:23.000 Push back.

02:12:24.000 Push back.

02:12:24.000 Yeah.

02:12:25.000 Push back.

02:12:25.000 Make all the right noises.

02:12:27.000 Do whatever it takes.

02:12:28.000 Pretend like you love it.

02:12:29.000 You love it.

02:12:30.000 Yeah. 0.98

02:12:30.000 Fucking love it. 0.98

02:12:30.000 That's what I would do. 0.98

02:12:31.000 If you love living, let that bear fuck you. 1.00

02:12:33.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:12:33.000 Imagine the kind of VD you get from a grizzly bear. 1.00

02:12:36.000 Oh my God.

02:12:37.000 You think that's what's going on out there?

02:12:39.000 Yeah, I think so.

02:12:40.000 Well, I think we tried to make that connection with syphilis.

02:12:44.000 I don't think we did. 0.98

02:12:47.000 I think someone had told me that there was a fucking really smart guy. 0.96

02:12:51.000 I forget who it was. 0.97

02:12:52.000 But if someone told me that there was two different strains of syphilis, and one of them seems to have definitely come from North America. 0.66

02:13:00.000 So, like, sailors came over in the 1400s with, like, the Pinta and the Santa Maria and shit.

02:13:05.000 When they went back, they brought syphilis with them.

02:13:07.000 Because it seems like there was a different strain of syphilis that ran through Europe during that time period.

02:13:12.000 The same place where these people had just got back from North America.

02:13:15.000 So they picked it up from our locals?

02:13:16.000 Yeah.

02:13:17.000 And took it back with them?

02:13:18.000 Well, that's what we did.

02:13:19.000 We gave them horrible diseases.

02:13:20.000 They gave us a few. 1.00

02:13:21.000 Make fucking holes in your face. 1.00

02:13:24.000 The syphilis one was a wild one. 1.00

02:13:27.000 That's a wild one.

02:13:28.000 I got a lot of guys, man. 0.86

02:13:30.000 Killed a lot of people. 0.80

02:13:31.000 Killed Al Capone. 1.00

02:13:32.000 Slow, brain rotting, fucking nothing you can do about it. 1.00

02:13:37.000 Isn't it scary that diseases like that come from sex? 1.00

02:13:40.000 So weird.

02:13:42.000 So weird that nature is so concerned that we're going to overpopulate that it gives you diseases that you only get from sex.

02:13:49.000 You have to live in fear.

02:13:51.000 This is the scariest one, syphilis and AIDS. What scares you more than syphilis and AIDS? If you get a...

02:13:55.000 Doc, I'm not feeling so good.

02:13:57.000 Syphilis or AIDS. Either one, like, oh, shit. 1.00

02:14:00.000 Syphilis, I guess? 1.00

02:14:02.000 I don't know. 1.00

02:14:03.000 This is a fucking problem. 1.00

02:14:04.000 Magic Dawson's doing okay. 1.00

02:14:06.000 Man. 0.99

02:14:06.000 As much shit as people talk about, like, pharmaceutical drug companies or medical science in general, I am so thankful they exist. 0.99

02:14:14.000 Because if it wasn't for them, if there was no penicillin, Do you know how fucked we'd be? 0.99

02:14:21.000 And I know people are saying, oh, people are abusing antibiotics. 0.99

02:14:24.000 They are.

02:14:25.000 That's true.

02:14:26.000 But isn't it great that we have antibiotics? 1.00

02:14:30.000 Because if it wasn't, half the fucking people would be dead. 0.99

02:14:34.000 Not half, but you know what it's like. 0.99

02:14:36.000 Back in the day, if you got a staph infection, that was a wrap.

02:14:39.000 That was it, buddy.

02:14:40.000 That's right.

02:14:41.000 It's going systemic.

02:14:42.000 It's taking over your blood.

02:14:43.000 Yeah, and if you had breast cancer, you were done.

02:14:45.000 That's just pure death sentence.

02:14:47.000 Bone breaks.

02:14:48.000 That's a wrap.

02:14:49.000 You're losing that leg.

02:14:50.000 Teeth gone.

02:14:51.000 Done.

02:14:52.000 You don't eat.

02:14:52.000 You starve.

02:14:53.000 You can't keep up.

02:14:54.000 There was this tribe that I was reading about.

02:14:57.000 I forget whose book was it.

02:15:00.000 But it was about what happens with the older women in this tribe. 1.00

02:15:04.000 It's horrible that the younger males, when they realize the older women aren't keeping up anymore, they'll sneak behind them and bludgeon them over the head.

02:15:13.000 What's not keeping up?

02:15:15.000 They don't keep up because they're nomadic tribal people. 1.00

02:15:18.000 Oh, you mean they're like lagging behind the group as it moves?

02:15:21.000 Exactly.

02:15:22.000 And then what happens to them?

02:15:24.000 They get killed by the younger males.

02:15:25.000 So they have a fear of the young males.

02:15:28.000 A natural, healthy fear of them.

02:15:30.000 It's supposedly accepted in the tribe because it's understood that at a certain time you're putting them in danger.

02:15:40.000 You're putting them in danger by slowing them down.

02:15:42.000 Right.

02:15:43.000 It's really dark.

02:15:44.000 It's really dark.

02:15:45.000 Was it Malcolm Gladwell?

02:15:46.000 I don't remember who...

02:15:49.000 No, Killers of the Flower Moon was the...

02:15:51.000 I know.

02:15:52.000 I googled tribe young males kill older women book, and that's what's popping up.

02:15:56.000 They did that as well?

02:15:57.000 It's just that book is popping up.

02:15:59.000 They might have talked about it.

02:16:01.000 I didn't see that movie yet.

02:16:02.000 I heard it's awesome, though.

02:16:03.000 Have you seen it?

02:16:04.000 Killers of the Flower Moon?

02:16:04.000 No, I haven't seen it.

02:16:05.000 You see it, Jamie?

02:16:06.000 I didn't watch it last night.

02:16:07.000 I just didn't.

02:16:07.000 Well, Jamie, where's your report?

02:16:08.000 Please.

02:16:09.000 Watch it on.

02:16:10.000 It's really good.

02:16:11.000 It's still available for rent.

02:16:12.000 It'll be on something Apple or something next month.

02:16:15.000 I don't know.

02:16:16.000 I think it's on iMovie right now.

02:16:18.000 Yeah, it's on everything to rent and buy.

02:16:20.000 It's just not available for free streaming.

02:16:21.000 Oh, I see.

02:16:23.000 I got money.

02:16:24.000 He's got money.

02:16:24.000 What are you saying?

02:16:25.000 Why are you trying to save Ronald?

02:16:25.000 $3.99?

02:16:26.000 Yeah, it's $3.99.

02:16:28.000 Do you want to buy it?

02:16:29.000 Do you want to rent it?

02:16:30.000 Rent it!

02:16:30.000 I don't have that kind of money.

02:16:31.000 I'm not going to buy it.

02:16:32.000 Yeah, isn't it weird they give you an option to watch it over for the rest of your life?

02:16:36.000 Right. 1.00

02:16:36.000 Well, sometimes they take that shit away. 1.00

02:16:38.000 They do? 1.00

02:16:39.000 It's happened.

02:16:39.000 Even if you buy it?

02:16:40.000 Do they refund your money?

02:16:41.000 No, no.

02:16:42.000 I mean, if you don't buy it.

02:16:43.000 Oh, then you can't get it again.

02:16:44.000 You can't get it when you want it.

02:16:45.000 Ooh, that's interesting.

02:16:47.000 So is that like they have long-term deals, like Apple would have a deal?

02:16:50.000 But I thought I was buying stuff on iTunes, and it's just disappeared.

02:16:53.000 I mean, things I bought are just gone on iTunes.

02:16:55.000 Now it says they're not available in the country that you're in.

02:16:58.000 I'm like, this is the country I bought them in.

02:17:00.000 Yeah, that's weird.

02:17:01.000 That might be a glitch.

02:17:02.000 I don't know how that works.

02:17:03.000 I don't know.

02:17:03.000 But I was reading something very bizarre about Google and their terms of service and what they're going to do to adjust something for a sensitive event.

02:17:14.000 Did you see that?

02:17:17.000 I could send you the article, but it was one of those ones where I read it and I was like, I read one paragraph into it and I was like, Jesus Christ, this is starting to make me angry.

02:17:25.000 I don't want to read into this.

02:17:28.000 I don't know where my phone is, but I wanted to ask because it's something, literally, I go to Allman Brothers and I want to listen to a song.

02:17:39.000 It says, no longer available in the country you're in.

02:17:41.000 And that's iTunes.

02:17:42.000 But I can push the button and say, play...

02:17:47.000 The Allman Brothers Band, and it'll play it.

02:17:48.000 It'll play it, but I don't have it at my command on iTunes like I did.

02:17:53.000 I don't know where it went.

02:17:53.000 I thought I was buying that stuff.

02:17:55.000 That's what I meant.

02:17:55.000 But apparently I wasn't buying it.

02:17:58.000 Right.

02:17:58.000 I just thought I was buying it because it isn't there anymore.

02:18:01.000 Yeah, I don't know how that works.

02:18:03.000 They must have some different licensing deals with certain songs.

02:18:06.000 Jamie, that's not it.

02:18:07.000 It's something that was real recent.

02:18:09.000 And they were talking about what they would do for a significant cultural event.

02:18:15.000 Let me see if I can...

02:18:17.000 This is a new policy going to affect February 2024. It clearly defines what constitutes a, quote, sensitive event for purposes of prohibiting certain exploitative or insensitive ads and content.

02:18:27.000 Yeah, that's it.

02:18:29.000 While Google already had policies in place for ads and YouTube monetization, this expands the restrictions to Google's publisher network as well.

02:18:36.000 And so it was defined in a certain way.

02:18:39.000 See if you could pull up what it actually says.

02:18:42.000 Because the way it was defined, what disturbed me was that it's very blanket.

02:18:47.000 A sensitive event is defined as an unforeseen or unexpected situation that poses significant risk to Google's ability to provide high-quality, relevant information while reducing insensitive content.

02:19:00.000 I have a concern with that.

02:19:03.000 Insensitive content in prominent and monetized features.

02:19:08.000 Insensitive content.

02:19:09.000 Insensitive to who?

02:19:10.000 Exactly.

02:19:11.000 So open and subjective.

02:19:12.000 Now, listen to this, though.

02:19:13.000 Sensitive events include those with major social, cultural, or political impact, such as civil emergencies, natural disasters, public health crises, terrorism, conflict, or mass violence.

02:19:25.000 So what they're saying is you must be sensitive.

02:19:29.000 If you're going to discuss civil emergencies, natural disasters, public health crisises, anything with a major social, cultural, or political impact, terrorism, mass violence, you must now be sensitive.

02:19:42.000 The thing is, like, whatever they're trying to say, whatever they're trying to do to make the online world a nicer place, you've got to be really careful with saying things like that, because sensitive is a weird term.

02:19:55.000 If someone is violently opposed...

02:19:57.000 Sensitive to who?

02:19:57.000 Right.

02:19:58.000 Also, what if someone is violently opposed to something that's happening?

02:20:02.000 Like, think about one or many of the military conflicts around the world.

02:20:05.000 Don't pick a side.

02:20:06.000 What if someone is violently opposed to these people dying and losing their lives, and they're talking about it?

02:20:11.000 Is that an insensitive piece of content that can now be censored by a new policy?

02:20:17.000 Is that what it is?

02:20:17.000 Or is it just gonna demonetize it, which they've kind of always done?

02:20:20.000 I think this was talking about people who are making ads using their platform, not people who are hosting content on their platforms.

02:20:27.000 Say it again.

02:20:28.000 I gotta admit I'm a little lost on this one.

02:20:32.000 So if any of the listeners out there are also a little confused.

02:20:35.000 No, it's about them having the ability to censor you.

02:20:38.000 So if you do the Ron White show on YouTube, which is owned by Google, If they decide that this something of whatever you're doing is in somehow or another offensive...

02:20:48.000 They would want to edit it.

02:20:49.000 I don't know what they're saying they can and can't do.

02:20:52.000 I think it's making ads.

02:20:53.000 I don't know if it has to do with the content.

02:20:54.000 Again, that's on YouTube.

02:20:55.000 I think this policy content change is for people who use the Google Ads platform and create ads like this one I'm showing you right here so that you can't abuse it.

02:21:04.000 You can't monetize it.

02:21:05.000 But look how it's phrased, please.

02:21:07.000 Go back to the top sentence.

02:21:09.000 So look at...

02:21:09.000 It says, the updated policy provides practice including price gouging, misdirected traffic, and victim blaming during sensitive events.

02:21:17.000 I'm with the first ones.

02:21:19.000 Price gouging, misdirected traffic, I'm with those.

02:21:22.000 But victim blaming during sensitive events, that one gets touchy.

02:21:28.000 It's just using the ads, though.

02:21:29.000 It's like making some weird ad to pop up to get you to click on something that's going to pop up on content that might be about that event or anything like that.

02:21:35.000 I understand.

02:21:36.000 But victim-blaming, the thing about victim-blaming is you can do it both ways, right?

02:21:40.000 Like victim-blaming, like with Hamas and Palestine and Israel, you could victim-blame on both sides. 0.98

02:21:47.000 You could say, the Israelis were doing this, and that's why Hamas had to attack, and you say, Hamas attacked, and that's why the Israelis are doing this, and you fucking people should have known better, and you fucking people should have known better. 0.98

02:21:56.000 That's victim-blaming. 0.99

02:21:57.000 Sure.

02:21:58.000 You've got to let people talk.

02:22:00.000 Yeah.

02:22:00.000 And if talking looks like victim-blaming until people work it out, you can't just stop people from talking.

02:22:08.000 So what are we saying?

02:22:09.000 Are we saying that it's just they can't monetize that?

02:22:11.000 Well, then what happens is if you're not monetizing stuff, you let people know that unless they self-censor, it's going to cost them financially.

02:22:20.000 Even if the ads, like, say if it represents a company that is actually interested in this discussion and wants to know, like, what's the right perspective on this?

02:22:31.000 Who's most informed?

02:22:32.000 Who's looking at this the most correctly?

02:22:34.000 If you're a company and why wouldn't you want to advertise on something where people are just talking about what may or may not be happening in the world?

02:22:43.000 And if you're going to do that on YouTube, then you have to worry about you're losing your ability to make a living now.

02:22:49.000 It's like, ooh.

02:22:51.000 Is that what happens?

02:22:52.000 I don't know.

02:22:53.000 I don't know.

02:22:54.000 I mean, is this just a blanket policy in case of the most egregious offenses that all people agree are terrible and should probably not be okay?

02:23:04.000 But then who gets to decide that? 0.97

02:23:06.000 What happened to the frogs eating the mouse and shit like that? 1.00

02:23:10.000 Ron White, this is the future of people being able to talk shit. 1.00

02:23:13.000 That's what it is. 1.00

02:23:15.000 It's kind of the future of people being able to talk shit, because this is how it goes away. 0.98

02:23:19.000 It goes away through stuff like that. 0.97

02:23:21.000 It goes away through people deciding that something's insensitive, which is like 98% of all jokes.

02:23:26.000 Right.

02:23:28.000 Yeah, you don't want to come to my show.

02:23:30.000 That's what I'm saying.

02:23:32.000 Here's their examples.

02:23:33.000 Okay, here's some examples.

02:23:36.000 Alright, violations...

02:23:37.000 Okay, what is an example?

02:23:38.000 Ads that claim victims of...

02:23:41.000 Oh, ads that claim victims of a sensitive event responsible for their own tragedy or similar instances of victim...

02:23:47.000 Okay, ads.

02:23:48.000 So it's just about ads.

02:23:50.000 At least for now it is.

02:23:52.000 You know, maybe they could switch it and be like, now all content, but...

02:23:54.000 Well, that's completely reasonable.

02:23:56.000 If it's just about ads, that's completely reasonable.

02:23:59.000 Yeah. 0.98

02:23:59.000 I guess you should want to be able to control how fucked up the ads are. 0.98

02:24:06.000 Because that's kind of, well, is it? 0.98

02:24:07.000 It's just that.

02:24:08.000 They're just like, you can still use other parts of the internet that can still do that.

02:24:12.000 But you can't use propaganda.

02:24:12.000 You can't lie.

02:24:13.000 Yeah, you can't use Google Ads, which is the biggest part of the internet advertising world.

02:24:17.000 Right.

02:24:18.000 They shut you out.

02:24:18.000 Do it somewhere else is all they're saying.

02:24:20.000 Right.

02:24:20.000 That seems reasonable.

02:24:22.000 Yeah, that's pretty reasonable.

02:24:23.000 As long as they're not doing that with the actual content of the podcast.

02:24:28.000 Because I do know that they demonetize.

02:24:30.000 They demonetize people all the time if you talk about certain subjects.

02:24:33.000 It's always been a problem.

02:24:35.000 And they don't do that to you, do you?

02:24:37.000 They used to do it.

02:24:38.000 Yeah, they used to do it up until the time when we switched over to Spotify.

02:24:40.000 On their website, this is specifically under advertising policies.

02:24:44.000 So now they don't do it to anybody?

02:24:46.000 No, no.

02:24:47.000 They do it to other people.

02:24:48.000 They do it to other people all the time.

02:24:49.000 But they stopped doing it to us for like three months.

02:24:51.000 Like where they didn't give us any dings.

02:24:53.000 We're doing the same show.

02:24:54.000 I don't know any other way to do this. 1.00

02:24:56.000 You gotta sit down and talk shit. 0.99

02:24:58.000 It's the only way to do it. 0.99

02:24:59.000 If I change that for somebody that's gonna censor something or I'm gonna lose money, like, what are you talking about?

02:25:04.000 Like, I can't change what I do.

02:25:06.000 I have zero interest in doing that.

02:25:08.000 And if I don't think it's offensive, then that's it.

02:25:13.000 That's the end of the conversation.

02:25:14.000 And I think you're pretty sensitive.

02:25:16.000 Yeah, I'm sensitive.

02:25:16.000 I try to be sensitive about these kind of things.

02:25:18.000 It's just you got to let people talk.

02:25:21.000 And just because people disagree with you, it doesn't mean there's something wrong with them.

02:25:24.000 Did you see that clip?

02:25:26.000 The way he was phrasing, it was actually kind of funny.

02:25:29.000 He was talking about white frailty or white anxiety, that it's a public health crisis, that white people who vote Republican, it's just like an opioid epidemic.

02:25:40.000 This guy was comparing the two.

02:25:43.000 Here, I'm going to send this to you, Jamie.

02:25:47.000 I don't know where this is.

02:25:49.000 I don't know where he said this.

02:25:51.000 I just saw it on Twitter.

02:25:52.000 And I'm like, man, you got to get out of the house.

02:25:56.000 You got to go hang out with some different folks because they don't have an opioid epidemic.

02:26:01.000 There's a lot of people that are the conservative people that are like really clear thinking people.

02:26:06.000 Absolutely.

02:26:07.000 They think this is a mess and they want things to change.

02:26:11.000 They want the rule of law put back into place.

02:26:13.000 It doesn't mean they're on opiates.

02:26:15.000 This is so crazy to say that everybody who doesn't agree with you is on drugs.

02:26:19.000 Well, you know, that gets fired back on both sides. 1.00

02:26:25.000 Now you're in a stupid war. 1.00

02:26:27.000 You're stupid. 1.00

02:26:28.000 No, you're stupid. 1.00

02:26:29.000 You people are on drugs. 1.00

02:26:31.000 Who brought back name-calling?

02:26:33.000 I don't know.

02:26:34.000 If you had been taught equality from the beginning, you wouldn't be flipping out.

02:26:37.000 But that's how hegemonic dominance works.

02:26:40.000 And so I think that's why it happens.

02:26:41.000 And we have to be willing to talk about that because it's really unhealthy.

02:26:44.000 This white anxiety is a public health crisis. 0.73

02:26:47.000 In that regard.

02:26:48.000 And that's why, you know, not only were we talking in the other room a minute ago before we came in here, you know, that it's not just the opioid crisis that we think about with folks killing themselves disproportionately, increasingly white working class folks who are, you know, using heroin or using over-the-counter opioids.

02:27:03.000 But they're political opioids.

02:27:05.000 Turning to a candidate who says, you vote for me and I will take away your pain.

02:27:09.000 I will bring back those jobs.

02:27:11.000 I will make your life better.

02:27:12.000 That's a form of an opiate as well.

02:27:14.000 So we got to be honest about the dysfunctionality and the real danger of the front lash, backlash, whatever we want to call it, even for the people who are thinking they're going to benefit from it.

02:27:26.000 What you see right there is a wild instance of someone that's used to being around like a certain type of people that think a certain type of way and think it's okay to say it out loud in a bigger forum. 0.99

02:27:38.000 And you put that out there to the world and the whole world is like, what the fuck are you talking about? 0.98

02:27:44.000 What are you talking about? 0.99

02:27:45.000 They're not on opioids?

02:27:47.000 What are you saying?

02:27:48.000 And why are you dressed like that?

02:27:50.000 You shouldn't even have an opinion.

02:27:52.000 That doesn't bother me at all.

02:27:54.000 He's dressed like Idi Amin. 0.78

02:27:56.000 Would dress in a casual setting.

02:28:00.000 Let me see it again.

02:28:01.000 I didn't even think about how he's dressed.

02:28:03.000 I just thought about what he was saying.

02:28:05.000 He just dressed like a regular guy.

02:28:06.000 It's paramilitary.

02:28:07.000 No.

02:28:08.000 Yeah, it is.

02:28:09.000 It's like a Qaddafi. 0.99

02:28:11.000 No.

02:28:12.000 That guy doesn't look paramilitary at all.

02:28:15.000 Ron White.

02:28:16.000 Maybe I saw it in his eyes.

02:28:17.000 I don't know.

02:28:18.000 Well, it's kind of a fascist perspective.

02:28:21.000 Very Fidel Castro.

02:28:24.000 Come on.

02:28:24.000 No, it's just a shirt with two buttons.

02:28:27.000 It's just a shirt with two buttons.

02:28:28.000 This guy's up to no good.

02:28:28.000 Looks like the guys have suits on.

02:28:30.000 Why not wear a suit?

02:28:32.000 He's probably a casual guy.

02:28:33.000 Casual guy, tuned into the younger people.

02:28:36.000 Casual Friday?

02:28:38.000 That's a crazy thing to say.

02:28:40.000 And it's also not a nuanced perspective on the whole race issue in this country, in this world. 0.91

02:28:46.000 It's a silly thing to do. 0.81

02:28:48.000 To say that all people that are Republicans that are these white people are like on opioids and they want someone to rescue them. 0.99

02:28:56.000 It's so silly and so stupid to lump them all into white people, first of all, because there's a lot of people that are Republican that aren't white. 1.00

02:29:02.000 There's a shit ton of them, man. 1.00

02:29:04.000 Go down to Miami. 0.99

02:29:05.000 Those Cubans are all Republican. 0.99

02:29:07.000 Right?

02:29:07.000 They're all Republican.

02:29:08.000 There's so many Republicans down there. 0.83

02:29:10.000 It's a silly thing to say. 0.67

02:29:12.000 And it's also a silly thing to say that the people that oppose you politically are just wrong, so wrong, that they're looking for a drug to rescue them. 0.58

02:29:20.000 Like someone who comes along and says that they can do a better job is offering you heroin.

02:29:26.000 I think both sides have a really difficult time understanding the perspective of the other.

02:29:33.000 Yep.

02:29:34.000 You know, there's just a big swing and a miss, and you can butt heads all day and nothing budges.

02:29:39.000 Yep.

02:29:40.000 And, you know, I know some real smart, wealthy guys that disagree with me 100%.

02:29:44.000 And so when we're around each other, guess what we don't do?

02:29:48.000 Talk about it.

02:29:50.000 Because there's so many connections that we do have.

02:29:55.000 Why let that political thing get in the way of friendship?

02:29:59.000 Because it sure can if you let it.

02:30:01.000 Here's the problem.

02:30:02.000 This is the number one problem.

02:30:03.000 People attach themselves to their ideas, and they attach themselves to a party that their ideas most likely have been adopted from.

02:30:12.000 Most people's opinions politically are a conglomeration of a group of people's opinions they've adopted.

02:30:19.000 Whether it's right-wing people, extreme right-wing, I mean, I'm saying most, what is it, 60%?

02:30:23.000 How many independent thinkers?

02:30:24.000 Environmental productivity.

02:30:25.000 There's a lot of people that are not independent thinkers, is my point.

02:30:29.000 Everybody, almost.

02:30:30.000 Most people.

02:30:31.000 So when you get connected ideologically, very personally, to a group of opinions, and then someone opposes that group of opinions, they're attacking you.

02:30:42.000 They're attacking you. 0.95

02:30:43.000 You take it very personally, and people are deceptive about the way they phrase things in order to try to win, and it's entirely because their self-worth is connected to this verbal jousting that they're doing, which is both productive and unproductive at the same time because it lets you find out if things are bullshit. 0.97

02:31:00.000 I think it's fruitless. 0.98

02:31:01.000 But it does allow you sometimes to find out if things are bullshit. 0.97

02:31:04.000 But on the other hand, it's not smart. 0.77

02:31:06.000 It's not a smart way to communicate because most people are in the middle on everything.

02:31:12.000 Most people just want the world to be a safer place.

02:31:14.000 You want your kids to go to nice schools.

02:31:15.000 You want your neighborhood to be safe.

02:31:16.000 You want people to make money.

02:31:17.000 You want the economy to do well.

02:31:19.000 You don't want any war.

02:31:19.000 Yay!

02:31:20.000 That's the most important shit. 1.00

02:31:22.000 And we want it to be balanced and we want it to work. 1.00

02:31:24.000 Right.

02:31:25.000 You know, for as many people as possible. 1.00

02:31:26.000 Leave me the fuck alone. 0.99

02:31:28.000 Don't tell me what to do. 1.00

02:31:29.000 You know, have laws in place to keep people from getting fucked over, but take your fucking hands-off approach. 0.96

02:31:35.000 But what people don't understand is as soon as you start developing all these different areas of business and of life that have to be adjusted, have to be adjusted. 0.97

02:31:45.000 And that's like putting DEI initiatives and doing these different things where you're not going to hire the most qualified people.

02:31:54.000 You want to hire a certain percentage of people from this part of the world and a certain percentage of people from that.

02:32:00.000 Even if you think you're doing better for the world, what you don't recognize is that this is a pattern of control.

02:32:07.000 And this pattern of control that can be used to manipulate people to thinking they're doing something good socially, which they may very well be.

02:32:14.000 What it really does is allows control of businesses in a new way and it allows control of public perception in a new way that can be manipulated to get you to do certain things and get you to allow certain legislation to get passed that It has the government have much more control over what you do or what you say and how much money they get and money for programs.

02:32:36.000 And you're locked into a system now.

02:32:38.000 And if you want to be a good person, you have to follow this pattern.

02:32:41.000 That's where things get squirrely. 0.99

02:32:42.000 And so as soon as people start telling people how they can and can't talk, this book's got to be gone, you can't say that, you can't teach this, as soon as that happens and the government steps in, we're fucked. 1.00

02:32:54.000 We're fucked. 0.96

02:32:55.000 Because if they step in, they're not going to do it within your best interest. 1.00

02:33:00.000 They're going to do it in whatever way makes them the most money or cost them the least.

02:33:06.000 Something's got to keep this herd going in the right direction, you know?

02:33:10.000 I think it's mushrooms.

02:33:13.000 That's what I think.

02:33:14.000 Let's just go back to that answer.

02:33:15.000 One day.

02:33:16.000 One day, mushroom off for the whole world.

02:33:19.000 Oh, yeah.

02:33:19.000 Well, eventually that organism will just take over everything.

02:33:22.000 It really grows well, and it'll just get in your shoes, and it'll balance everything out.

02:33:28.000 Everything will make sense.

02:33:29.000 Yeah.

02:33:29.000 You know what'll happen?

02:33:30.000 It'll get airborne.

02:33:33.000 The spores will get airborne.

02:33:34.000 It'll fix every problem we've ever had.

02:33:36.000 That's what we need.

02:33:37.000 That's what we need.

02:33:39.000 Ari Shafir created Shroomfest, and if he was more ambitious, that would be the number one festival in the world.

02:33:44.000 If he was more ambitious, I would have heard of it, for sure.

02:33:47.000 It's just an unofficial thing.

02:33:49.000 I'm joking around.

02:33:50.000 I'm all for it.

02:33:51.000 July of every year.

02:33:53.000 There's places now where you can go, it's actually legal.

02:33:56.000 Colorado, right?

02:33:57.000 I believe Colorado decriminalized it, and I think Portland essentially decriminalized almost everything.

02:34:04.000 Is it Oregon in total decriminalized almost everything, or is it just Portland?

02:34:10.000 I think the gloves are off in Portland.

02:34:12.000 You can do whatever you want to.

02:34:14.000 You can do whatever you want up there.

02:34:14.000 Yeah.

02:34:15.000 Beautiful town.

02:34:16.000 Some lady who was... 1.00

02:34:18.000 No sales tax.

02:34:18.000 She's either running for office or she's Oregon's first in nation law.

02:34:23.000 The decriminalized possession of small amounts of heroin, cocaine, and other illicit drugs in favor of an emphasis on addiction treatment is facing strong headwinds in the progressive state after an explosion of public drug use fueled by the proliferation of fentanyl.

02:34:38.000 Oh, my God.

02:34:39.000 They flooded the streets.

02:34:42.000 Yeah.

02:34:43.000 Yeah, it's got to be legal and free.

02:34:48.000 That's the only answer.

02:34:49.000 It's got to be completely legal and it's got to be no cost to you.

02:34:53.000 And that's the only thing that's going to make it less profitable, which is what drives the whole thing anyway.

02:34:58.000 You've got to give it away.

02:35:00.000 You've got to do what the Japanese did to us with television sets. 1.00

02:35:03.000 Flood the fucking market. 1.00

02:35:05.000 Choke them out. 1.00

02:35:06.000 That's what you got to do. 1.00

02:35:08.000 You want to die over it, a heroin over it, fucking go. 1.00

02:35:10.000 You go, buddy. 1.00

02:35:11.000 We got too many of us anyway.

02:35:13.000 You make the decision. 0.99

02:35:14.000 Not a lot of people make the decision to fucking do it. 0.98

02:35:17.000 You gonna run for president? 0.99

02:35:17.000 I'm not. 0.99

02:35:18.000 I'm not.

02:35:19.000 Listen, once you become a pastor, people believe you more.

02:35:22.000 Right.

02:35:22.000 I know.

02:35:23.000 I know I'd be good at it.

02:35:24.000 I know I could do it.

02:35:25.000 That's what I'm saying, Ron.

02:35:26.000 Start pastor.

02:35:27.000 I got pastor hair. 1.00

02:35:29.000 You are a goddamn spring chicken compared to Biden. 1.00

02:35:30.000 We can trot you out in a couple of years of fine polishing. 1.00

02:35:34.000 Right.

02:35:34.000 So we start the Christian church.

02:35:37.000 Start the church.

02:35:38.000 Get that all sorted out.

02:35:39.000 We haven't decided, Christian.

02:35:41.000 We just said we're going to hook to a big, I think, Scientology.

02:35:44.000 That's what I was going to say.

02:35:45.000 Ron?

02:35:46.000 Get him involved.

02:35:46.000 Look, I'm down with your craziness.

02:35:48.000 Just let's be friends.

02:35:49.000 I could be...

02:35:50.000 You rub my back, I'll rub yours. 0.96

02:35:51.000 Right.

02:35:51.000 Come on.

02:35:52.000 And that's the way it really works.

02:35:54.000 Comedic Tom Cruise.

02:35:55.000 I can hang in there for you.

02:35:57.000 I can say listen.

02:35:57.000 We're going to need celebrities.

02:35:59.000 That's for sure.

02:35:59.000 I know it sounds crazy on paper.

02:36:01.000 Because everybody believes it.

02:36:03.000 But once you experience it and you realize the thetans are real, have you ever seen the South Park animation of what Scientologists believe?

02:36:09.000 Yeah, I think I have.

02:36:11.000 You know, those guys just crank me up.

02:36:13.000 They're amazing.

02:36:13.000 Nobody makes me laugh like those guys.

02:36:16.000 They're the tip of the spear in the culture war. 0.96

02:36:18.000 South Park is the tip of the spear in the culture war.

02:36:20.000 They go after everybody forever and they can get away with it because it's a cartoon.

02:36:24.000 Right.

02:36:24.000 And it's a super unrealistic looking cartoon.

02:36:27.000 Right.

02:36:27.000 And they're grandfathered in.

02:36:28.000 Yeah, there's no way you could ever think it was real.

02:36:30.000 And they're genius, and the characters never get old.

02:36:33.000 That's the most amazing thing.

02:36:35.000 I watch it all the time.

02:36:36.000 When you have a cartoon that doesn't even look remotely real, that character can be that forever.

02:36:41.000 There's no timeline. 0.99

02:36:43.000 They're in school for the rest of their fucking lives. 0.99

02:36:46.000 That's the only constant in my life is South Park, I can get 24 hours a day, and Fear Factor. 0.99

02:36:52.000 Fear Factor comes on my television.

02:36:55.000 Every time I turn it on, it automatically goes straight to Fear Factor.

02:36:59.000 And you have to turn it off before something happens that you go, oh, God!

02:37:06.000 That's hilarious.

02:37:07.000 And I don't know why.

02:37:08.000 It's a deal they made with Samsung on these TVs, but that's what it goes to.

02:37:12.000 And no matter what you were watching before, whenever you turn it off, turn it back on.

02:37:17.000 Fear Factor.

02:37:17.000 Yeah, I got a Samsung TV in the gym, and when I turn it on, it goes right to Hell's Kitchen every time.

02:37:21.000 It's always Hell's Kitchen.

02:37:22.000 I wonder why mine's...

02:37:24.000 I don't know.

02:37:25.000 Maybe it's like if you set it on a channel at one point in time, it just goes back to that channel.

02:37:29.000 Maybe that's what it is.

02:37:30.000 I don't know, but I'm on the Hell's Kitchen channel where Hell's Kitchen plays 24 hours a day on my Samsung TV as soon as I turn it on.

02:37:38.000 Before I go to ESPN Plus, it goes right to Hell's Kitchen. 0.95

02:37:40.000 No, that's what mine does, but it does it with fucking Fear Factor. 0.97

02:37:43.000 I would have, like, such a terrible opinion. 0.99

02:37:46.000 I'd just sit around thinking, oh, those girls were pretty hot. 1.00

02:37:49.000 But, I mean, it's the Fear Factor. 0.99

02:37:52.000 Do you jerk off while you're watching Fear Factor? 0.97

02:37:54.000 I don't. 0.98

02:37:55.000 I don't.

02:37:56.000 I don't want to be involved.

02:37:57.000 Not every time.

02:37:57.000 I don't want to be involved.

02:37:58.000 Not every time.

02:38:00.000 Something else had to have happened.

02:38:02.000 And then, you know, Fear Factor just got in the way.

02:38:04.000 Gordon Ramsay, if I didn't know any better, I'd think he's the meanest guy on earth.

02:38:07.000 Because every time I turn on the TV, he's yelling at somebody.

02:38:09.000 Every time.

02:38:10.000 Every time. 1.00

02:38:11.000 He's fucking screaming and yelling at people. 1.00

02:38:13.000 Because that's the shtick. 1.00

02:38:14.000 You could develop a very bad perception.

02:38:16.000 But he's not like that in real life.

02:38:17.000 Do you know him in real life?

02:38:18.000 I don't know.

02:38:19.000 Can't be. 0.99

02:38:20.000 So I'm going to beat the fuck out of him by now. 0.99

02:38:22.000 I think people have. 1.00

02:38:23.000 I think he's a prick. 0.98

02:38:25.000 I think that's the word on the street. 0.99

02:38:27.000 What's the word on the street? 1.00

02:38:29.000 He's a prick. 0.99

02:38:30.000 Kind of a prick. 0.99

02:38:31.000 I think to be great. 0.83

02:38:32.000 I've never met him either.

02:38:33.000 The guy could be the nicest guy like a plate of butter.

02:38:37.000 I bet he's a nice guy.

02:38:38.000 Yeah.

02:38:38.000 He's a great chef.

02:38:39.000 Great chefs are wild people.

02:38:41.000 People that create great food.

02:38:43.000 They're like great musicians or great comics.

02:38:46.000 They're wild artists.

02:38:47.000 They're a different kind of person.

02:38:49.000 It is an art.

02:38:49.000 I didn't really appreciate that until I met Bourdain.

02:38:52.000 When I started talking to him, especially after I watched his show, I think that's when I first realized it.

02:38:57.000 I was like, oh, this is an art form.

02:38:59.000 I was just to think of it as just good food.

02:39:01.000 You know, that was a guy.

02:39:02.000 I always thought I would be his friend someday.

02:39:06.000 You would have been his friend.

02:39:07.000 You know, I just always thought the guy, you know, I could watch that guy.

02:39:11.000 He just seemed so honest and genuine.

02:39:15.000 He just brought you into his life, you know, when you follow him around.

02:39:18.000 That was great.

02:39:20.000 I wish I could have set that up.

02:39:21.000 I wish I could have got you guys together.

02:39:23.000 He's a great guy.

02:39:25.000 Well, it's too late now, Joe.

02:39:27.000 Yeah, man.

02:39:29.000 Do you know how I found out?

02:39:31.000 And Maynard from Tool texts me, and he goes, I guess the celebrity jiu-jitsu match is off.

02:39:38.000 And I was like, what?

02:39:40.000 Because he used to joke around about having a celebrity jiu-jitsu.

02:39:42.000 Maynard's really good.

02:39:43.000 By the way, Maynard just got his black belt, so congratulations.

02:39:47.000 Maynard Keenan from Tool, he's a legitimate black belt.

02:39:49.000 Oh.

02:39:50.000 Yeah, like, really good at jiu-jitsu.

02:39:51.000 I watched him train in here with John Donaher before we did a podcast.

02:39:55.000 He trained right next door at the gym.

02:39:57.000 But, you know, he's like a really legitimate jiu-jitsu guy.

02:40:03.000 There it is.

02:40:03.000 That's him.

02:40:05.000 Oh, wow.

02:40:07.000 So, Ron White, that's your next move.

02:40:08.000 Jiu-Jitsu?

02:40:09.000 Jiu-Jitsu, Ron White.

02:40:11.000 You.

02:40:11.000 Ron White Jiu-Jitsu.

02:40:12.000 I want a band.

02:40:13.000 You want a band?

02:40:14.000 Do you?

02:40:15.000 No, I don't want a band.

02:40:16.000 No, you know what I want to do?

02:40:18.000 I want to, besides the religion. 0.98

02:40:20.000 Can I ask you, did you ever do the show in L.A., the Grand Bam Comedy Jam, whatever it is? 0.99

02:40:27.000 Goddamn, Goddamn Comedy Jam. 0.98

02:40:28.000 Josh Ademeyer's show? 1.00

02:40:29.000 Yeah.

02:40:30.000 What'd you sing?

02:40:31.000 Give Me Three Steps.

02:40:34.000 It was great. 0.99

02:40:34.000 You know, they had that electric violinist doing lead guitar stuff, and it was fun as shit. 0.99

02:40:39.000 And I think Bill Burr was that night playing drums. 0.97

02:40:43.000 Bill is a really good drummer. 0.99

02:40:45.000 Yeah, I was fucking shocked. 0.97

02:40:47.000 Bill Burr is a really dedicated drummer. 0.99

02:40:49.000 And I gotta tell you, I killed it.

02:40:52.000 I practiced it.

02:40:54.000 At the time I was with a singer, so she helped me get the beats on it.

02:41:00.000 Don't get outside of that, because you can't get outside of that.

02:41:02.000 You've got to sing it under this.

02:41:04.000 So I thought, you know.

02:41:05.000 Nice.

02:41:07.000 Nice.

02:41:08.000 I'd press the chicks, I think, that night. 1.00

02:41:09.000 Fuck yeah, you did. 1.00

02:41:10.000 That's a great song, too. 1.00

02:41:12.000 Any Skynyrd song.

02:41:15.000 That's a wild band too, right? 1.00

02:41:16.000 Think about those dirty white dudes from Florida. 1.00

02:41:18.000 Yeah, I saw them on concert when I was a kid. 0.99

02:41:22.000 In fact, I think it's the same place that Olsteen preaches at now.

02:41:26.000 Really?

02:41:26.000 It was, what was it, the Houston, I can't even remember the name of it.

02:41:33.000 Something Dome or something.

02:41:34.000 Coliseum.

02:41:36.000 Where's he at?

02:41:36.000 I can't think of the name of it.

02:41:37.000 Isn't that wild you bought that for Jesus?

02:41:40.000 What a giant...

02:41:41.000 How many seats is that?

02:41:42.000 It's like 16,000.

02:41:44.000 16,000 for Jesus.

02:41:46.000 But I don't know.

02:41:47.000 12 million.

02:41:48.000 Joel Osteen, Houston's Compact Center.

02:41:51.000 Yeah.

02:41:52.000 Wow.

02:41:53.000 No, this was another step.

02:41:55.000 Whoa, the church spent 90 million to renovate it.

02:41:59.000 They spent 90 on it.

02:42:01.000 They got it for 12 and they spent 90 on it.

02:42:05.000 How dope is it? 1.00

02:42:06.000 No wonder why they didn't want the fucking refugees in there. 1.00

02:42:09.000 I swear to God, they didn't let them in. 1.00

02:42:10.000 $90 million.

02:42:11.000 There's no way.

02:42:12.000 And he literally said something about it.

02:42:15.000 They had just...

02:42:15.000 Look at this.

02:42:17.000 That's why.

02:42:18.000 And he basically preaches it's okay to be rich.

02:42:23.000 And these people in that thing, they're like, that's what I want to hear.

02:42:26.000 I want to hear it's okay for me to have my hunk of the pie, and I don't have to feel guilty for it.

02:42:31.000 And by God, I'm white, and I don't... 0.79

02:42:32.000 Not that they're all white, but... 0.80

02:42:34.000 What are you saying, Ron?

02:42:35.000 I'm just saying that my religion is going to be different.

02:42:40.000 What are you going to do?

02:42:41.000 Are you going to be poor?

02:42:42.000 I'm not.

02:42:43.000 Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

02:42:44.000 No, no, no. 1.00

02:42:45.000 If you could be the guy with 90 cars, but still be delivering the real shit. 1.00

02:42:50.000 That's the thing. 1.00

02:42:51.000 Yeah.

02:42:52.000 I don't have 90 cars.

02:42:53.000 You don't need 90 cars.

02:42:55.000 I got three cars.

02:42:55.000 90 cars is like 90 cars you have to keep fixed.

02:42:59.000 Keep changing oil and...

02:43:01.000 Pay insurance on them.

02:43:02.000 What are you doing?

02:43:04.000 That's too many.

02:43:05.000 That's too many Rolls Royces.

02:43:06.000 But if you're just going to be some highballer guru type character that really is connected to the god force of the universe... 0.99

02:43:14.000 That guy used to give people orgasms by touching their foreheads. 1.00

02:43:20.000 Didn't he give people orgasms by touching their temples and shit? 1.00

02:43:24.000 He could do some wild shit. 1.00

02:43:25.000 If somebody could do that to me, I would follow him anywhere. 1.00

02:43:27.000 I think he could do it.

02:43:29.000 I don't care who it was.

02:43:32.000 If that frog could do it, I would follow that frog.

02:43:36.000 The cult that you made me by the building, that guy did that to people. 0.99

02:43:40.000 He gave them orgasms. 0.98

02:43:42.000 He did? 0.99

02:43:43.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:43:44.000 He was a hypnotist.

02:43:46.000 It's a great documentary.

02:43:47.000 It's called Holy Hell.

02:43:50.000 He hypnotized people.

02:43:52.000 Yeah, he hypnotized them.

02:43:54.000 He changed his name.

02:43:55.000 His name was Jaime Gomez.

02:43:58.000 But that was like...

02:43:59.000 Nobody's gonna go for that.

02:44:00.000 That sounds like a boxer on your card of a Canelo fight, right?

02:44:03.000 So he changed his name to Michelle.

02:44:05.000 And then he changed it again when he moved to Texas. 1.00

02:44:08.000 He moved to Texas because the Cult Awareness Network was- They were already on his ass. 1.00

02:44:12.000 Locking on them. 1.00

02:44:13.000 They were on his ass. 1.00

02:44:14.000 And after Waco, they were cracking down. 1.00

02:44:16.000 Like, eee, fucking enough of this shit. 1.00

02:44:18.000 After Waco, they were like, this is crazy. 1.00

02:44:20.000 These people have guns, they're just fucking everybody's wives, and they're stockpiling food, and preparing for a war, a Christian war, and shooting at cops. 1.00

02:44:27.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:44:28.000 Nothing scarier than that crowd.

02:44:30.000 That's scary.

02:44:31.000 When you get that apocalyptic preacher guy lying there with a bullet singing a song for everybody, he really believes.

02:44:37.000 That's a death cult.

02:44:39.000 He wants to go down in a blaze of glory. 0.76

02:44:41.000 He wants to be martyred.

02:44:42.000 That's the scariest.

02:44:43.000 There's a scariness to that for sure.

02:44:47.000 That's a weird thing, huh?

02:44:49.000 So many people go down that road.

02:44:51.000 Of either starting one or believing in one.

02:44:54.000 It's like a natural inclination that people have to just follow people.

02:44:58.000 All you have to do is look at what Jim Jones was able to pull off.

02:45:01.000 And there are people in complete, complete, complete control of all those people to the point where they kill themselves.

02:45:07.000 I thought that was the case.

02:45:09.000 I think some of the people were forced into it now.

02:45:11.000 Now that I read into it more, it seems like some of the people...

02:45:14.000 They weren't forced to go to Jonestown.

02:45:16.000 No, but they didn't know they were going to have to die.

02:45:18.000 I used to think they all just died on purpose, but now I think a bunch of them were forced into doing it.

02:45:24.000 When there's a mass death, there's probably going to be a few reluctant people.

02:45:28.000 Yeah, right at the end, going, yeah, I didn't know you were serious.

02:45:33.000 This dude, when the Cult Awareness Network was after him, he moves to Austin and then has his followers build him that theater so he could dance in front of him.

02:45:41.000 I know that.

02:45:42.000 The videos are incredible.

02:45:44.000 He's a really good dancer.

02:45:46.000 Better than me.

02:45:47.000 He's really good.

02:45:48.000 He's beautiful, too.

02:45:50.000 Yeah, good-looking guy until later when he had all the surgeries done.

02:45:53.000 That's when he got weird.

02:45:54.000 He started getting old and couldn't deal with it.

02:45:56.000 You gotta let age come, man. 0.99

02:45:58.000 Well, are you a guru or are you a dude who's hypnotizing people and butt-fucking them? 0.99

02:46:03.000 Well, this is how we find out. 0.99

02:46:04.000 What happens when you age?

02:46:06.000 Right, which is legal.

02:46:08.000 He was doing everything above ground.

02:46:10.000 I don't know if he had to pay taxes.

02:46:12.000 Like, that's the question.

02:46:13.000 Were they an established religion?

02:46:15.000 Because the only person that I know of that it's actually, I know people have done it, but the only person I personally know of is Alex Gray, the visionary artist from New York.

02:46:23.000 Do you know who he is?

02:46:24.000 No.

02:46:24.000 He actually put together a real church.

02:46:28.000 It's a church of his art.

02:46:30.000 Was he called the Chapel of Sacred Mirrors?

02:46:33.000 What does he call it again?

02:46:33.000 Is that it?

02:46:34.000 So he has this insane art structure that's in the woods in upstate New York.

02:46:41.000 And Alex, I know you've seen Alex Gray's work before.

02:46:44.000 I'm sure I have.

02:46:45.000 It's all visionary, psychedelic, DMT type things like that.

02:46:50.000 This is his work.

02:46:51.000 Show his building, Jamie.

02:46:54.000 No, I'm saying the outside of the building.

02:46:57.000 Because the outside of the building, like the front doors are all 3D printed works of his art.

02:47:03.000 That's the inside. 0.95

02:47:03.000 It's fucking incredible looking. 0.95

02:47:05.000 That's what it looks like. 0.98

02:47:07.000 That's what it looks like on the outside of it.

02:47:09.000 I mean...

02:47:10.000 This is also 3D. This is the...

02:47:12.000 Yeah, this is the CGI. But it does look like that now, right?

02:47:15.000 This is a picture of that with that thing on top.

02:47:18.000 Right.

02:47:18.000 You see, I think there's some other perspectives.

02:47:21.000 Maybe there's some other photos that'll show different...

02:47:24.000 There it is.

02:47:24.000 Like, this is...

02:47:25.000 Oh, no, this is the bullshit version, too. 0.99

02:47:26.000 It's just with the front of their website. 0.98

02:47:28.000 I think there is some imagery somewhere of the front.

02:47:32.000 But whatever it is, this guy has a legit church.

02:47:36.000 So he has actually gone through all the steps to create a church.

02:47:40.000 And they worship him?

02:47:41.000 No, no, no.

02:47:44.000 They just worship his art?

02:47:46.000 I would be speaking out of turn if I said what they worship.

02:47:49.000 I think it's more of the psychedelic experience in its most...

02:47:55.000 Pure and loving form.

02:47:57.000 If I had to like boil it down to what they believe in, that's what Alex Gray believes in.

02:48:02.000 And all of his art, this is all like these sacred tryptamine type images.

02:48:07.000 I mean, he's like the only guy that I've ever seen that captures like certain aspects.

02:48:12.000 Do you know this guy?

02:48:13.000 Yeah, yeah, he's been on the podcast before.

02:48:14.000 He's really cool. 0.99

02:48:15.000 No shit. 0.95

02:48:16.000 Yeah, really cool guy. 0.99

02:48:18.000 And his wife is really cool too.

02:48:19.000 She's been on here as well.

02:48:20.000 And like, look at all of his work.

02:48:21.000 It's like...

02:48:23.000 It's amazing stuff.

02:48:24.000 But he's got a real church.

02:48:25.000 This is the only guy that I know that's actually made a real church.

02:48:28.000 I'm like, oh, I believe him.

02:48:30.000 I believe him.

02:48:32.000 That's not a guy who's trying to Joel Osteen in.

02:48:34.000 He's not trying to buy 98 Bentleys.

02:48:36.000 Right.

02:48:36.000 That's really who he is.

02:48:38.000 He's just a real fascinating artist.

02:48:40.000 There's a bunch of people that have Alex Gray tattoos.

02:48:43.000 It's probably one of the most common.

02:48:44.000 The gray-haired guy?

02:48:44.000 Yeah, the gray-haired guy with the ponytail.

02:48:46.000 Yeah.

02:48:46.000 Sweetheart of a guy.

02:48:48.000 Wow.

02:48:49.000 So that's an example of like...

02:48:51.000 What's his tax status down there at the Church of Art?

02:48:53.000 It's a good question.

02:48:54.000 I think he got it through.

02:48:56.000 I think it's a legitimate church.

02:48:57.000 A non-profit organization formed in 1996 to create a permanent public exhibition of the sacred mirrors.

02:49:03.000 But I think they got like a tax-exempt status.

02:49:08.000 Yeah.

02:49:09.000 No, established in 2008 as an interfaith church.

02:49:14.000 Wow.

02:49:14.000 Yeah.

02:49:15.000 So from 2008, I guess, they established it as an actual church.

02:49:18.000 Don't you have to have a doctrine that...

02:49:19.000 Well, here it is.

02:49:21.000 I'm sure they do.

02:49:21.000 I just don't know what it is.

02:49:23.000 Provides unique creative events and workshops in a spiritual context.

02:49:27.000 Like, what is their...

02:49:28.000 What is it?

02:49:29.000 Do they say what they believe?

02:49:30.000 I'm on their vision page and we're just...

02:49:32.000 Right.

02:49:32.000 What is it?

02:49:33.000 Okay, scroll down.

02:49:34.000 What are we?

02:49:35.000 Scroll above that so I can read the text.

02:49:37.000 I mean, I would join just so I can hang out there.

02:49:39.000 It's a place of contemplation and worship for community honoring the practice of art as a spiritual path.

02:49:45.000 Wow.

02:49:45.000 Cosm's site and structure provides a living model of the ideals expressed through the inspiring artwork of the collection and the exhibitions, the writings of the founders and invited contributors.

02:49:57.000 So they just take cool artists and their art and they show it to people and their spirituality is based on creativity.

02:50:04.000 Ah!

02:50:05.000 And it's amazing art, man.

02:50:07.000 This stuff is fantastic.

02:50:09.000 And where is it?

02:50:10.000 New York.

02:50:10.000 Somewhere in New York.

02:50:12.000 Like New York State.

02:50:14.000 Wappinger.

02:50:14.000 Wappinger, New York.

02:50:15.000 Oh.

02:50:16.000 Yeah.

02:50:17.000 I think I'm in Syracuse.

02:50:19.000 I don't know if it's anywhere near that.

02:50:20.000 Just go there.

02:50:20.000 Maybe he's got a course, how to start a cult.

02:50:22.000 I got a bus.

02:50:23.000 Yeah, just go down there and go, look, I want to start my own thing.

02:50:26.000 You know, Chapel of Sacred Hees and Ha Ha's. 0.80

02:50:29.000 He may have classes.

02:50:32.000 Isn't, like, comedy kind of a form of religion in some way?

02:50:35.000 It is for us, Joe.

02:50:37.000 It is.

02:50:38.000 You know?

02:50:40.000 You find...

02:50:42.000 I mean, just making people laugh is a good thing to do.

02:50:45.000 It's a great thing to do.

02:50:46.000 It is.

02:50:46.000 It's fun.

02:50:47.000 And I can't tell you how grateful people are, you know, that...

02:50:51.000 Just how hard we make them laugh.

02:50:54.000 It's just so much fun to do.

02:50:56.000 If you can even remember to be somebody that wasn't a comedian watching a comedy show and how hard you can laugh at that experience.

02:51:05.000 I remember I saw Seinfeld one time in a comedy club.

02:51:11.000 He had full-blown chops and it was all never heard it before.

02:51:15.000 He beat me to death.

02:51:17.000 I mean to death at the...

02:51:20.000 Whatever, the improv in Dallas, Texas.

02:51:23.000 I had a table right off.

02:51:25.000 It was my birthday.

02:51:26.000 I'd only been doing stand-up for about six months.

02:51:28.000 I wasn't in the show.

02:51:29.000 I just gave him the chair. 0.98

02:51:30.000 He was making $25,000 for the week, and we were like, no fucking way! 0.95

02:51:35.000 Nobody makes that much money in the world. 0.97

02:51:39.000 Yeah, doing a stand-up at a club.

02:51:41.000 And this is the 90s, right?

02:51:43.000 What year is that?

02:51:44.000 It would have been 86. 86. I saw Seinfeld for the first time in 88 before I did stand-up.

02:51:51.000 Like right before I did stand-up.

02:51:53.000 I was probably maybe 87. It was at the Paradise, which was a comedy club.

02:51:59.000 It was a big place that was connected to Stitches.

02:52:03.000 So Stitches was the comedy club and that was small.

02:52:05.000 I think it would seat about 150 or so.

02:52:08.000 And then The Paradise, which is next door, was bigger.

02:52:11.000 But it only sat, like, maybe 500 people?

02:52:14.000 I'm just guessing.

02:52:15.000 400 or 500 people?

02:52:16.000 And so Seinfeld was there. 0.98

02:52:18.000 And I took him with this girl that I was dating and just fucking cried. 0.97

02:52:21.000 Couldn't believe how smooth he was. 0.98

02:52:23.000 So smooth.

02:52:24.000 So fun to see.

02:52:26.000 Back then, you know, he was doing All those sets, you know, all those sets every night.

02:52:32.000 He's the one that said, you know, a comic should be on stage.

02:52:34.000 I heard him say it every single day.

02:52:38.000 And that, you know...

02:52:39.000 Yeah, he's got crazy workouts.

02:52:40.000 That's the reason I tried to stay on stage every single day was because of what Seinfeld said.

02:52:46.000 Yeah.

02:52:47.000 There's something to that, for sure.

02:52:49.000 But I remember back then, like, thinking about doing stand-up, like, oh my god, I could never do this.

02:52:53.000 And then going to an open mic and going, oh, I could do this.

02:52:56.000 Like, the difference between, like, watching crazy people bomb, you're like, oh.

02:53:01.000 Richard Jenny said it best.

02:53:02.000 He said, terrible comedy gives people inspiration to try comedy.

02:53:06.000 That's the purpose it serves.

02:53:08.000 Right, I can for sure do that.

02:53:09.000 He was the guy I got to see live quite a few times.

02:53:12.000 But I got to see him before, maybe I had just done an open mic or two, but I was sitting front row at Catch a Rising Star in Cambridge, and he was doing the weekend there. 0.97

02:53:21.000 God damn, he was good. 0.93

02:53:22.000 There was nobody better than him, I don't think, at his peak. 0.99

02:53:25.000 It was just so much power.

02:53:27.000 So much writing, so smooth, and so many tags, and just like, just a consummate professional.

02:53:34.000 Consummate professional.

02:53:35.000 He was just a joke-writing machine, man.

02:53:38.000 He could take any premise, any premise, and turn it into a closing bit.

02:53:42.000 Right.

02:53:42.000 It's crazy.

02:53:43.000 That's what it was like.

02:53:44.000 It was like watching somebody that had nothing but closing bits.

02:53:47.000 That's how hard you laughed at this show.

02:53:49.000 I've told this before, but I'll tell it again just because it's so crazy.

02:53:51.000 Eastside Comedy Club in Long Island.

02:53:53.000 I went there.

02:53:56.000 I don't know if I was there on Sunday.

02:53:58.000 I was there after Jenny's shows were done. 0.99

02:54:00.000 So when I got there, the fucking host was depressed. 0.99

02:54:03.000 And we were all talking. 0.99

02:54:05.000 We're like, what's the matter?

02:54:05.000 He goes, Jenny did a different hour every show.

02:54:08.000 He goes, he did two different hours on Friday and then two different hours on Saturday. 1.00

02:54:13.000 And he fucking killed. 0.99

02:54:14.000 And the guy was like, I want to quit comedy. 1.00

02:54:16.000 Like, what am I doing? 0.99

02:54:17.000 The fuck am I doing? 1.00

02:54:18.000 This guy just did four different hours and murdered. 1.00

02:54:21.000 That's crazy. 0.93

02:54:22.000 Crazy.

02:54:23.000 I should quit. 0.99

02:54:24.000 You watch something like that.

02:54:27.000 People just forgot.

02:54:29.000 That's one of those ones.

02:54:30.000 I know Chris Rock gets it up to him a lot.

02:54:32.000 Some people, they inspire people to quit.

02:54:37.000 He definitely would raise the bar.

02:54:40.000 I saw him kill at the Comedy Works in Montreal.

02:54:45.000 Remember that little room?

02:54:46.000 That little tiny room upstairs?

02:54:47.000 I saw him kill up there talking about buying a Corvette.

02:54:51.000 How do you make that funny?

02:54:53.000 How do you make buying a Corvette funny?

02:54:56.000 I have no idea.

02:54:57.000 It was hilarious.

02:54:58.000 He was murdering. 0.98

02:54:59.000 He was a murderer. 0.98

02:55:01.000 Anything, any subject, he could find it. 0.99

02:55:03.000 He'd find the angle.

02:55:04.000 Yeah.

02:55:04.000 I remember the one thing he did.

02:55:06.000 It was just about a look in his eye that whenever he...

02:55:11.000 All he did was move his eyeball, and he'd show you how far he moved his eyeball, and that's how the fight started with his wife. 1.00

02:55:17.000 But it was just real insightful, and it was so subtle that it was just so expertly fucking done that it just killed me. 0.75

02:55:25.000 Yeah, he's one of the greats, man. 0.99

02:55:27.000 Just fucking killed me. 0.97

02:55:28.000 Yeah, he was one of the greats. 0.99

02:55:29.000 I've got to write something down before I forget.

02:55:33.000 Yeah.

02:55:34.000 It's just so interesting to think about the guys that inspired you when you first started doing stand-up.

02:55:41.000 You know, when you first started, like, what that was like to see someone who was really good at this thing that was just like, it was just a weird, foggy dream in the first couple times you go on stage.

02:55:52.000 Like, how does anyone ever really become a professional? 0.98

02:55:55.000 And then you watch a master go up in murder, and you're like, holy shit! 0.99

02:56:00.000 And then you realize he's nobody. 0.99

02:56:02.000 There are guys that make him look like he doesn't know what he's doing.

02:56:09.000 But you kind of have a realm of comedy of what you can see.

02:56:14.000 And in Boston, that would have been a much bigger...

02:56:19.000 Yeah.

02:56:37.000 The blue collar boys. 0.50

02:56:39.000 There wasn't a lot of guys.

02:56:41.000 Well, you guys opened the door for a lot of new guys that came after you though.

02:56:43.000 A lot of guys were inspired by that for sure.

02:56:46.000 I hope so.

02:56:47.000 But it's like you need a community, you know, and Boston had a crazy community.

02:56:51.000 They had a community of assassins that were local guys and then new people were coming in every week that were like big national headliners.

02:56:58.000 So you'd have all these murderous local guys, and then Dom Herrera would fly in for a weekend.

02:57:03.000 Bill Hicks would fly in for a weekend.

02:57:05.000 They had all the road killers.

02:57:07.000 Whenever a big national act was killing it on the road, they would stop at Nick's Comedy Stop, and we'd all watch them.

02:57:13.000 So they had the whole thing.

02:57:15.000 It was like a perfect training ground for learning how to do stand-up. 0.95

02:57:19.000 Yeah, they never gave a fuck about me in Boston until I got bigger.

02:57:23.000 Yeah, but that's always how it is. 0.90

02:57:25.000 There was too many people there.

02:57:26.000 Yeah, that's right.

02:57:28.000 They had guys.

02:57:29.000 It was like Denver. 0.85

02:57:31.000 Denver never gave a fuck about me, but I would look at their list of headliners and go, you know, we got Louis Anderson. 0.99

02:57:35.000 They got all these big-name fucking comics, and I wasn't a big-name fucking comic, and I didn't belong on that list. 0.98

02:57:42.000 Yeah, it is what it is. 0.99

02:57:43.000 But you have to have a scene like that.

02:57:46.000 That's where talent emerges from, and that's what's been really fucking cool about being able to do that here.

02:57:52.000 Is that to take this place that had a scene.

02:57:55.000 There was an Austin comedy scene.

02:57:56.000 The reason why I came here is there was already a club here.

02:57:58.000 It went under during the pandemic, but it still existed.

02:58:01.000 Sure.

02:58:02.000 And it was always a fun place to work.

02:58:04.000 And then to have all of us.

02:58:06.000 You were here first.

02:58:07.000 So you were the one.

02:58:08.000 Before the pandemic even hit, you were already here.

02:58:11.000 Yeah. 0.98

02:58:12.000 And you were telling me, I fucking love it. 0.99

02:58:14.000 I was like, damn it, Fran White loves it. 0.99

02:58:15.000 There's got to be something to it. 0.99

02:58:16.000 Right. 1.00

02:58:17.000 And you were like, it's the shit. 1.00

02:58:18.000 I'm reasonable. 1.00

02:58:18.000 I fucking love it. 1.00

02:58:19.000 I fucking love it. 0.98

02:58:20.000 It's not too big, not too small. 0.97

02:58:22.000 Everybody's cool. 0.98

02:58:22.000 I'm like, God damn it. 0.98

02:58:24.000 And I had already thought about it before because of Onnit, you know, because the business is here. 0.98

02:58:28.000 Because I'd have to come down to do stuff occasionally anyway.

02:58:31.000 And I was always coming down to do stand-up anyway.

02:58:33.000 And I always loved being down here.

02:58:35.000 But it wasn't until the pandemic.

02:58:37.000 And it wasn't until you getting on stage. 0.99

02:58:40.000 That one time when you get on stage, you hadn't got on stage in fucking forever. 0.98

02:58:44.000 And you grabbed me by the shoulder. 0.99

02:58:46.000 You grab me. 0.99

02:58:47.000 You go, we are going to fucking do this. 0.99

02:58:48.000 Whatever it takes, you can open up that club. 0.99

02:58:50.000 Right.

02:58:51.000 I meant it, too.

02:58:52.000 I know you did. 1.00

02:58:54.000 And still do to this fucking day. 0.99

02:58:56.000 I'm behind that 100%. 0.99

02:58:57.000 My effort.

02:58:59.000 I talk about that club on the road and my shows and just how much it means to me and how cool it is.

02:59:05.000 It means it to me, too.

02:59:06.000 It means it to me because you're there, too.

02:59:09.000 Everybody together in this is a really exciting camaraderie.

02:59:12.000 It's a great tribe.

02:59:15.000 It's fun.

02:59:16.000 We're blessed to have it.

02:59:17.000 Yeah, it's very cool.

02:59:18.000 Very cool. 0.93

02:59:19.000 But you saying that to me that day, I mean, I was going to do it anyway, for sure, but that was an extra fucking turbo gear. 0.98

02:59:25.000 That was an extra kick in the pants. 0.97

02:59:26.000 I was like, let's go.

02:59:27.000 I made some extra phone calls, tried to close it up, figure out what the problem was.

02:59:32.000 It was just we had a big adjustment for moving from the old place to the new place. 0.99

02:59:35.000 That was a big pain in the ass. 0.98

02:59:37.000 Because we had spent a considerable amount of time and effort, you know, architects were involved in drawing up plans and people had gone to look at it. 1.00

02:59:46.000 And when it all fell through, they're like, fuck, we gotta start from scratch. 0.98

02:59:49.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:59:50.000 And everybody blamed me.

02:59:52.000 Ah!

02:59:53.000 Well, people didn't believe it.

02:59:54.000 That's what was funny.

02:59:55.000 But that's also what makes it more fun when it does open.

02:59:57.000 Because people are like, he's never gonna do it.

02:59:59.000 Like, okay.

03:00:00.000 Just sit back.

03:00:02.000 I've got some crazy plans.

03:00:04.000 If I hear you say you're going to do something, how long is that going to be?

03:00:08.000 It's going to happen quick.

03:00:10.000 It would have happened quick.

03:00:12.000 We would have had this place open probably inside of a year.

03:00:17.000 It was perfect the way it did happen.

03:00:19.000 A lot of anticipation from all of us.

03:00:22.000 It made us all nervous.

03:00:23.000 The fact that even with all that anticipation, it still gets an A. Right.

03:00:28.000 It still gets an A. It sure does.

03:00:30.000 I know it's my place, but shut the fuck up. 1.00

03:00:32.000 That place is perfect. 1.00

03:00:33.000 Yeah, it's perfect.

03:00:34.000 That place is perfect.

03:00:35.000 We made it perfect.

03:00:36.000 And we got lucky that we got the right people and the right architect.

03:00:39.000 Shout out to Richard.

03:00:41.000 The people that put it together did an amazing job, and it's also like the vibe there is so strong.

03:00:46.000 It's very fun.

03:00:47.000 It's real positive. 0.99

03:00:48.000 Well, you know, we all feel like it's ours, even though you pay all the bills and shit. 0.97

03:00:53.000 Well, it pays the bills now. 0.99

03:00:56.000 And, you know, people don't know that.

03:00:59.000 80% of the door goes to the comics.

03:01:02.000 So there's also no opportunity for a comic to make money. 0.96

03:01:06.000 That kind of money in a local gig, at home, anywhere on the fucking planet Earth, that opportunity does not exist. 0.92

03:01:12.000 Well, I would never do it if I was going to do it for money. 0.97

03:01:15.000 I would never do it that way.

03:01:16.000 That's crazy.

03:01:17.000 It wouldn't make any sense.

03:01:18.000 You're making less money.

03:01:19.000 Yeah, I decided to get in the comedy club business.

03:01:22.000 Oh, wow.

03:01:23.000 I didn't get in the comedy club business.

03:01:25.000 I got in the business of making comedy and having a place for comedians.

03:01:31.000 My idea was set up the ideal spot.

03:01:37.000 And what's the ideal spot?

03:01:38.000 Well, the ideal spot was that the comedians would get the bulk of the money because the comedians are doing all of the work.

03:01:44.000 They're the ones who have to come up with the jokes.

03:01:46.000 If we don't have the comedians, we're just selling drinks.

03:01:49.000 This is nonsense.

03:01:51.000 So it's obvious what people are there for.

03:01:53.000 I knew that when I started getting a percentage of the door.

03:01:56.000 I knew how it works.

03:01:57.000 But that should be that way regardless.

03:01:59.000 That's the real relationship.

03:02:01.000 You're selling what we do.

03:02:03.000 You shouldn't be getting 80% of the money.

03:02:05.000 80% of the money should be going to the comedians.

03:02:06.000 That's crazy.

03:02:07.000 There's so much money from booze.

03:02:09.000 You sell money in alcohol.

03:02:10.000 You sell money in...

03:02:11.000 There's still money. 0.98

03:02:12.000 You can tell the guy that owns the place doesn't give a shit about him turning a profit. 0.96

03:02:16.000 My idea is just don't lose money. 0.98

03:02:19.000 Speak even.

03:02:20.000 You know, I'm...

03:02:22.000 I'm 100% on board.

03:02:24.000 It's great.

03:02:24.000 It's the greatest thing.

03:02:25.000 That's how it should be.

03:02:25.000 And if you do it that way, then it's really deeply...

03:02:30.000 There's a commitment to this idea.

03:02:33.000 We're all committed to this idea.

03:02:34.000 Just making the most fun possible.

03:02:36.000 The most comedy possible.

03:02:37.000 Do our best.

03:02:38.000 Have a great community.

03:02:39.000 Have a great tribe.

03:02:40.000 Have a great vibe. 1.00

03:02:41.000 We're all feeding off each other and talking shit to each other and having a good old time in the back. 0.99

03:02:45.000 And then it fuels us to go on stage. 0.99

03:02:46.000 We're watching each other from the balcony.

03:02:48.000 It's exciting.

03:02:49.000 Yeah, it is.

03:02:50.000 It's very exciting.

03:02:50.000 It's fun.

03:02:51.000 It's very exciting.

03:02:51.000 It's the funnest thing ever.

03:02:52.000 I'm very happy you're a part of it, my brother.

03:02:54.000 Hey, brother, thank you.

03:02:55.000 Thank you.

03:02:56.000 It's great. 0.99

03:02:57.000 I love being part of the fucking team. 0.99

03:02:59.000 I love having you here, man. 0.99

03:03:01.000 I love everybody.

03:03:02.000 In fact, I'm going to headline the room Tuesday night, I think, the 10 o'clock show.

03:03:06.000 Beautiful.

03:03:07.000 Are you doing the 7 o'clock show?

03:03:08.000 Yeah, I'm doing the 7 o'clock show.

03:03:09.000 I'll come do it.

03:03:10.000 Okay, beautiful.

03:03:11.000 All right, man.

03:03:11.000 I'll see you on Tuesday.

03:03:12.000 All right, love you, man.

03:03:12.000 Love you to you.

03:03:13.000 Bye, everybody.

03:03:13.000 Bye.

The Joe Rogan Experience - January 16, 2024

Joe Rogan Experience #2087 - Ron White

Episode Stats

Summary

Transcript