The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #2089 - Joey Diaz

00:00:12.000 I didn't bring no motherfuckin' glasses though. 0.98

00:00:15.000 Oh, do you need some? 0.99

00:00:16.000 Yeah.

00:00:16.000 I have some.

00:00:17.000 Just in case, if you're gonna show me something interesting.

00:00:20.000 Yeah.

00:00:20.000 Thank you sir.

00:00:22.000 Thank you sir.

00:00:24.000 So I started doing this red light bed.

00:00:26.000 I started doing two things to help my eyes.

00:00:29.000 One, I started taking Pure Encapsulations.

00:00:32.000 They have this, what is it called?

00:00:35.000 Macro support?

00:00:38.000 What is it called?

00:00:42.000 Anyway, it's a bunch of supplements that they put together to stop your eyesight from going bad.

00:00:49.000 And it's legit.

00:00:50.000 Macular support?

00:00:51.000 Macular support, that's it.

00:00:53.000 You like it?

00:00:54.000 Oh, legit.

00:00:55.000 It stopped.

00:00:56.000 Whatever the deterioration that I was experiencing, where my eyesight was starting to go, it stopped.

00:01:02.000 Just stopped it.

00:01:03.000 And it made it a little bit better.

00:01:04.000 And then I started doing this red light bed.

00:01:06.000 So I had this guy Gary Brack on the podcast.

00:01:08.000 He's explaining to me how red light...

00:01:13.000 Revitalizes your capillaries and helps your vision come back And so I've been doing that now for about six weeks and I've noticed an improvement Like I don't need reading glasses as much if I'm reading things on my phone I can read some things that I just was not gonna be able to read and more importantly it's not getting worse because like it was like kind of every Six months,

00:01:34.000 eight months or so, I'd notice my eyes are worse.

00:01:37.000 This is terrible.

00:01:38.000 After like 46, it seemed like.

00:01:41.000 Somewhere around 46, it was like it dropped off a cliff.

00:01:44.000 And you did the right thing, because you didn't submit to these.

00:01:47.000 My mistake was to submit to these when I was like 43, 44. By 44, I could see I was having problems already.

00:01:54.000 And I submitted to these.

00:01:56.000 And this is worse for you.

00:01:57.000 That's why I used to tell you, don't put the glasses on.

00:02:00.000 Hold on.

00:02:01.000 Make your eyes muscle, that thing. 1.00

00:02:03.000 It's like when you wear fucking hearing aids. 0.99

00:02:06.000 Like, your hearing gets lost. 1.00

00:02:08.000 Well, they say with vision, like, the problem is we're looking at things that are real close up all the time.

00:02:13.000 And your eyes are supposed to do a bunch of different things.

00:02:16.000 They're supposed to look at stuff in the distance, supposed to look at things up close.

00:02:20.000 And if you don't look at things in the distance all the time, you lose that ability.

00:02:24.000 Well, I'm going to be as honest as I can with you.

00:02:26.000 I'm not trying to be cute here.

00:02:28.000 I lost my eyesight when I stopped doing coke.

00:02:30.000 Because when I was doing coke, my eyesight was on point. 0.99

00:02:33.000 I could see a light from fucking two miles away. 0.99

00:02:36.000 That light's green. 0.99

00:02:36.000 We gotta make it. 0.99

00:02:37.000 Once I stopped doing coke, my eyesight went right into the fucking shitter. 0.99

00:02:42.000 So when I was snorting, I had 20-20 vision. 1.00

00:02:44.000 I could see coke rocks and the carpet and shit. 1.00

00:02:47.000 Now I can't see shit if there's a coke rock on the fucking floor. 1.00

00:02:51.000 I guess it's blood flow. 1.00

00:02:52.000 If you think about it, blood flow to the brain.

00:02:54.000 I mean, doesn't coke give you like a crazy amount of blood flow to your brain?

00:02:58.000 I mean, it must.

00:02:59.000 It's a stimulant, right?

00:02:59.000 I have no idea.

00:03:00.000 I have no idea where the blood goes.

00:03:02.000 Joey, thank God I never got into that.

00:03:04.000 No.

00:03:04.000 Thank God I never got into that.

00:03:05.000 And especially now.

00:03:06.000 Like now I see these people that are snorting anything. 1.00

00:03:09.000 To snort anything today, you've got to be fucking crazy. 0.99

00:03:12.000 Yeah, you can do it. 0.99

00:03:12.000 Heroin, these people who put the fucking test, like if you go to a bar in New York, they have tests. 0.99

00:03:18.000 Are you fucking kidding me? 1.00

00:03:21.000 Once you test cocaine, it's time to do something different. 0.99

00:03:24.000 If you gotta test your coke, it's time to do something different.

00:03:29.000 You know what's going on here?

00:03:31.000 Ketamine.

00:03:31.000 Everybody's doing ketamine.

00:03:33.000 They do nasal sprays.

00:03:34.000 We had some lady go into a K-hole in the middle of our comedy show. 1.00

00:03:39.000 She's fucking falling down like this. 1.00

00:03:41.000 And they brought in the Narcan and shit. 1.00

00:03:44.000 They were worried that she had overdosed. 0.99

00:03:46.000 And her wife was like, no, no, no, she's just been doing ketamine.

00:03:49.000 She just did too much. 0.99

00:03:51.000 So I did a couple of lines of that one time at the podcast studio.

00:03:54.000 And it was okay.

00:03:55.000 I did the podcast.

00:03:56.000 But whoever gave me the ketamine left like a pile of it on the desk.

00:04:02.000 You know, after we did a couple of lines.

00:04:04.000 So he left and me and Lee were talking. 0.99

00:04:06.000 And I go, Lee, what are we going to do with this fucking thing? 0.99

00:04:08.000 And he goes, I don't know, throw it away. 1.00

00:04:09.000 I go, fuck that. 1.00

00:04:10.000 It was about 8, 30, 9 o'clock at night. 1.00

00:04:13.000 I had done three lines, maybe, and I was buzzed, but it didn't take me over the top.

00:04:18.000 I did those.

00:04:20.000 Now, I lived six minutes from the podcast studio in LA. When I got to the first light to make the left, I knew it was not gonna be a good drive home.

00:04:31.000 It was not gonna be a good drive home, okay?

00:04:34.000 I had done too much.

00:04:35.000 And then I got home, and when I put my foot out of the car, That was it.

00:04:40.000 It was lights out after that. 0.99

00:04:42.000 And I'm like, I am fucked up. 0.99

00:04:44.000 What do you mean like lights out? 0.99

00:04:45.000 Like what way? 1.00

00:04:46.000 Like I was fucked up. 0.99

00:04:47.000 I don't know what was going on. 0.99

00:04:49.000 It's a different kind of fucked up, right? 1.00

00:04:51.000 It's a different type of fucked up. 1.00

00:04:52.000 And then I went in the house and god damn it, my wife is awake. 1.00

00:04:56.000 Oh no. 0.98

00:04:57.000 Now I gotta talk to her.

00:05:00.000 So I ran in my office, and I'm in there 15 minutes getting higher and higher.

00:05:05.000 Oh, no. 0.98

00:05:06.000 And shit, my body's feeling weird, and I go, I better go out there before she comes in here. 0.99

00:05:12.000 Right. 0.99

00:05:14.000 And she was watching True...

00:05:16.000 True Crimes?

00:05:18.000 Detective, whatever, on HBO. Oh, okay.

00:05:20.000 And it was the dude from The Green Book and the other guy.

00:05:24.000 The Green...

00:05:25.000 The brother, the guy who won the Green Book with the guy who drove him in the South.

00:05:30.000 He played the piano player.

00:05:31.000 Anyway, it doesn't matter.

00:05:33.000 You ever saw the Green Book?

00:05:35.000 I don't think I saw the Green Book. 1.00

00:05:36.000 That's a good fucking movie. 0.99

00:05:37.000 Oh, we were talking about him yesterday, Marshal Ali. 0.99

00:05:40.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:05:40.000 That guy's awesome, man.

00:05:41.000 He's awesome.

00:05:42.000 He was great in that Netflix documentary, or the Netflix show we were just talking about, about the end of the world with Julia Roberts and Ethan Hawke.

00:05:48.000 Oh, I didn't see that.

00:05:49.000 It was good. 0.99

00:05:50.000 Fucking Giannis hated it, though, huh? 0.99

00:05:53.000 He's trying to get me to hate it. 0.99

00:05:54.000 I kind of went with him a little bit.

00:05:56.000 Right?

00:05:57.000 He influenced me.

00:05:58.000 I was like, yeah, there were some parts I didn't like.

00:06:00.000 Yeah, you didn't like the animals.

00:06:01.000 The CG animals.

00:06:04.000 Yeah, a bunch of CGI animals staring at people.

00:06:06.000 I'm like, come on.

00:06:07.000 You don't need to do this to me.

00:06:08.000 No.

00:06:09.000 No, but I looked at him, and while I was watching TV, his head kept getting bigger.

00:06:13.000 And I'm like, I couldn't take it.

00:06:15.000 I'm sitting there.

00:06:16.000 I got no T-shirt on.

00:06:18.000 I'm sweating profusiously.

00:06:19.000 She's kind of looking at me.

00:06:21.000 I'm kind of looking at her. 1.00

00:06:22.000 Your wife is a fucking angel. 1.00

00:06:24.000 And finally, I couldn't take it no more. 1.00

00:06:27.000 I couldn't take it on one.

00:06:28.000 I go, what the hell's going on here?

00:06:29.000 And she said, what?

00:06:30.000 What?

00:06:31.000 I'll change it.

00:06:31.000 She didn't know.

00:06:32.000 I told her the next morning.

00:06:33.000 I said, let me tell you something.

00:06:35.000 When I came last night, I was not doing too good. 0.99

00:06:38.000 You know, people think that you fuck around. 0.99

00:06:41.000 Like when I was living in LA, people think like you fuck around and you don't have no. 1.00

00:06:44.000 Everybody always thinks like I just got high and had no fucking consequences. 0.99

00:06:47.000 I just never told you about what I dealt with. 0.98

00:06:50.000 You know, one night I ate mushrooms. 0.99

00:06:51.000 And I went home and the fucking mushrooms hit. 1.00

00:06:54.000 I didn't know. 1.00

00:06:55.000 I ate like three little fucking things at the office. 0.99

00:06:57.000 The mushrooms hit. 0.99

00:06:59.000 And that's the day The Exorcist came on.

00:07:00.000 And I had to watch it.

00:07:02.000 And I'm like, what the...

00:07:02.000 And I finally ran into the room and put the blankets over my head.

00:07:05.000 It was too fucking real. 0.93

00:07:07.000 Like, I have horrible... 0.98

00:07:09.000 High stories.

00:07:10.000 I just don't repeat them because, you know, people won't believe them.

00:07:13.000 I remember when we were on a plane once and you were eating stars of death and we were like almost at New York and it was like an hour before the plane landing. 0.78

00:07:22.000 Joe Rogan, I almost fucking lost it. 0.98

00:07:24.000 I almost fucking lost it. 0.99

00:07:26.000 I was having a panic attack. 0.99

00:07:27.000 It was getting bad.

00:07:28.000 It was getting bad.

00:07:29.000 And then you go, but I'm back!

00:07:30.000 And then you pop two more. 0.99

00:07:32.000 I'm like, how did you just fucking do that? 0.99

00:07:35.000 You just had a panic attack almost. 0.99

00:07:37.000 You know, for three years I cried about this anxiety, anxiety, I can't take it.

00:07:41.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:07:42.000 Fucking, I don't do edibles now. 0.99

00:07:45.000 Is that what it is? 1.00

00:07:46.000 Monday nights.

00:07:47.000 So was it edibles that was giving you the anxiety?

00:07:49.000 You said it yourself. 1.00

00:07:50.000 You can't live on a 2,000 milligrams a goddamn day. 1.00

00:07:54.000 Something's got to fall apart eventually. 0.99

00:07:56.000 Yeah.

00:07:57.000 You know, that was kicking it up, and then...

00:07:59.000 I would get...

00:08:00.000 Anytime I would get above 200 milligrams, the whole world was just, like, very slippery.

00:08:06.000 Very slippery.

00:08:09.000 I could see how edibles can get someone to legitimately lose their mind.

00:08:14.000 That's why when I was talking to Alex Berenson, he wrote that book, Tell Your Children.

00:08:18.000 It's all about schizophrenia and about how there are people that get introduced to high doses of marijuana and it induces schizophrenia.

00:08:26.000 We both know a couple of people that have had that happen to.

00:08:30.000 I'm like, this is real.

00:08:32.000 I think marijuana is very beneficial in low to moderate doses.

00:08:36.000 Well, you get above certain doses with certain psychologies, certain people, certain times of their life, you know, certain things they're going through.

00:08:44.000 You never know. 0.99

00:08:45.000 You could fucking crack. 0.99

00:08:46.000 You never know. 1.00

00:08:47.000 You could...

00:08:48.000 And I can tell you that.

00:08:49.000 That's the truth.

00:08:50.000 Yeah.

00:08:51.000 That's the truth.

00:08:52.000 Because at times, you know...

00:08:53.000 It gets...

00:08:55.000 Marijuana at the high doses is not what people think it is.

00:08:59.000 It gets to that very psychedelic place where it's like, this might as well be acid.

00:09:04.000 Like the real high doses.

00:09:06.000 There's some time where Eddie Bravo had these THC pills.

00:09:11.000 One of his students had made his own pills.

00:09:15.000 Had like turned Keef into pills.

00:09:17.000 I forget how many we took but I was talking to this one dude and like I might as well have been in another dimension.

00:09:23.000 Like my relationship to reality was very slippery.

00:09:27.000 I was like, if I was losing my mind right now, if I wasn't in a good place in my life, you know, life is falling apart, maybe you're, you know, getting fired, your house is repossessed, going through a divorce, maybe you have cancer, who knows, whatever it is, and then you get that dose,

00:09:42.000 it could send you over the top.

00:09:44.000 Bro, I had a guy come over from jiu-jitsu one day.

00:09:47.000 We're just hanging out, and he goes, I want to do a bonk here with you.

00:09:50.000 I gave him two bonkets of what I smoked.

00:09:52.000 He puked in my yard.

00:09:54.000 He was like, I don't know how you do this every day. 1.00

00:09:57.000 Two fucking bonkets. 0.99

00:09:58.000 Let me get a light up. 0.99

00:09:59.000 Yeah, well, it's also like when someone runs marathons.

00:10:03.000 You try to run a marathon with them.

00:10:04.000 I don't know how you run a marathon. 1.00

00:10:05.000 Well, you fucking, you gotta build up to it. 0.99

00:10:08.000 You're building up to that, too. 1.00

00:10:10.000 It's all building up, you know?

00:10:13.000 This new weed that's coming out now, these people aren't ready for it.

00:10:17.000 It's too strong.

00:10:18.000 And more people are smoking pot now than ever before, whether it's vapor pens, everybody's doing something.

00:10:26.000 Is that, like, because it's legal, right?

00:10:28.000 I wonder what the numbers are.

00:10:30.000 Because it's legal in, what is it now, Jamie?

00:10:33.000 19 states?

00:10:36.000 Shitload of states.

00:10:37.000 It's decriminalized in the city of Austin, but it's legal in a lot of states like New Jersey, New York, California, recreational use, Nevada, Colorado, Oregon. 0.97

00:10:51.000 I would imagine there's more people smoking it now just because of that, because it's legal, right?

00:10:57.000 You've got to come home from work. 0.98

00:10:59.000 Instead of getting beer or whatever the fuck you get, you go in and you get one of these joints for 25 bucks. 0.99

00:11:04.000 This'll last the regular person the whole weekend. 0.99

00:11:07.000 And it doesn't kill your body.

00:11:09.000 It doesn't kill you.

00:11:10.000 It doesn't kill your body.

00:11:11.000 That's the big one.

00:11:11.000 For me, like when I was doing jujitsu every day...

00:11:15.000 If I was getting high and doing jujitsu, it actually made my jujitsu better.

00:11:20.000 Like, I felt like my jujitsu was more smooth.

00:11:22.000 I was more focused.

00:11:24.000 But I never felt wrecked the next day.

00:11:27.000 But if I drank the night before and then tried to go into class the next day, I always felt like 30% less.

00:11:33.000 I was like, this is terrible.

00:11:35.000 I was like, I gotta stop drinking.

00:11:36.000 Because every time I would go out drinking, and then I'd go into class, I'd just get manhandled.

00:11:42.000 I'd just get wrecked.

00:11:43.000 Just couldn't keep up.

00:11:45.000 When you're hungover, it's the worst feeling.

00:11:47.000 What have I done to myself for just a few hours of fun?

00:11:50.000 You know, it's really crazy that we don't really know what alcohol does to our bodies.

00:11:56.000 But it's not good.

00:11:57.000 You know how you find out?

00:11:59.000 Get one of those aura rings.

00:12:01.000 Get an Oura Ring or a Whoop Strap, one of those Whoop Straps. 0.76

00:12:04.000 I got one.

00:12:05.000 Yeah, okay.

00:12:06.000 Check your Whoop Strap.

00:12:07.000 Have a couple of cocktails.

00:12:08.000 Oh.

00:12:08.000 And then check your Whoop Strap.

00:12:09.000 It's crazy.

00:12:10.000 Like, I only had two drinks, two glasses of wine.

00:12:12.000 Your recovery will be way down.

00:12:14.000 The Whoop Strap is very beneficial for that. 0.99

00:12:17.000 Because it tracks your heart rate variability and it gives you like a real accurate assessment of what happens when you fuck around with things. 0.98

00:12:24.000 Because if you just do something different, like, I just cut out sugar. 0.94

00:12:26.000 Oh, whoa, look at how much better my recovery is.

00:12:29.000 You know, oh, I stopped drinking alcohol.

00:12:31.000 Whoa, recovery's through the roof.

00:12:32.000 I committed to drinking X amount of liters of water every day.

00:12:36.000 Whoa, look at all this recovery.

00:12:37.000 Look, my body's functioning better.

00:12:39.000 You know, it's like it gives you real feedback.

00:12:43.000 Your buddy, that when I got the whoop, it was for recovery purposes. 0.99

00:12:48.000 I don't like being that fucking sore. 0.99

00:12:50.000 You know what I'm saying? 0.99

00:12:51.000 So I want to know where I am throughout the day.

00:12:53.000 I got the whoop, and I gotta be honest with you, you know what improved the best?

00:12:57.000 My sleep.

00:12:58.000 Because when I got the whoop, we all think we sleep eight hours. 0.99

00:13:02.000 Everybody thinks they sleep fucking eight hours. 1.00

00:13:04.000 Get the fucking whoop and get back to me. 0.99

00:13:06.000 You'll see that you're sleeping 5.45, 6.10, and you're like, this ain't working. 0.99

00:13:11.000 So I started doing things to help my sleep.

00:13:14.000 Joe, do you know I sleep eight now, and at four o'clock, five o'clock, I gotta go down for an hour.

00:13:20.000 Every day.

00:13:21.000 Take a nap. 1.00

00:13:23.000 You know when I took, I never took a fucking nap since you know me. 1.00

00:13:26.000 Take a nap. 1.00

00:13:28.000 One hour.

00:13:29.000 Get up, I feel tip-top Magoo, and that's when I start smoking weed and having a good time.

00:13:35.000 Yeah, I can function on five.

00:13:39.000 I do well on six.

00:13:41.000 When I'm doing eight plus, I'm at my best.

00:13:44.000 I know the difference.

00:13:46.000 Like, there's days that I come in here where Maybe I had a late show, got out of the club late, and then maybe I had to take the kids to school in the morning, or maybe I had an appointment, or maybe I had something I had to do so I had to get up early so I only got like five or six.

00:13:58.000 I can function.

00:13:59.000 But in my mind, I'm like, that's a check I have to pay.

00:14:02.000 That's a bill I have to pay.

00:14:03.000 So I have to make sure tonight I get like 10 or 11. Tonight I really want to get some serious sleep, no booze, hit the sauna, hit the cold, get my body prepped.

00:14:15.000 Sauna and a cold plunge before you go to bed?

00:14:17.000 Oh my god, you sleep like a baby.

00:14:18.000 You sleep like a baby.

00:14:20.000 You sleep so good.

00:14:21.000 Yeah.

00:14:22.000 I haven't worked myself up to the cold plunge yet, but I do the red light sauna twice a week.

00:14:26.000 You can do it right now.

00:14:28.000 Red light sauna's great.

00:14:30.000 I think any sauna's great.

00:14:31.000 Even a hot bath is great.

00:14:33.000 The whole idea is just warming your body up.

00:14:35.000 Just getting your body so it's uncomfortable.

00:14:37.000 But the real studies are on the regular sauna.

00:14:41.000 We got a Salus sauna.

00:14:44.000 I have that for here and that for my house. 1.00

00:14:46.000 They're the shit, man. 1.00

00:14:48.000 The one we have here is so nice. 1.00

00:14:50.000 It's set up.

00:14:51.000 It's all Bluetooth.

00:14:52.000 You set it up off your phone.

00:14:53.000 Like, so you're on your way to the gym.

00:14:55.000 If you're on your way to the gym, set the sauna 190. It takes a while.

00:14:59.000 It takes a while to cook.

00:15:00.000 Then, you know, you're sitting in that thing and if you do that on a regular basis, you get used to it. 0.98

00:15:06.000 You get used to being uncomfortable, but goddamn you feel good. 0.93

00:15:09.000 Like your joints feel good. 0.98

00:15:11.000 All the stiffness kind of feels like it goes away.

00:15:14.000 Your mood feels better.

00:15:15.000 You sleep better. 1.00

00:15:18.000 Sauna's the motherfucker. 1.00

00:15:19.000 If I had to pick one over the two, I don't know which one I'd pick. 1.00

00:15:22.000 But I love the fact that I could do both of them.

00:15:24.000 I think sauna I would pick because there's more data.

00:15:28.000 There's a 20-year study out of Finland with sauna patients where they use the sauna four times a week for 20 years.

00:15:36.000 And depending on how many times a week they used it, they saw more improvement.

00:15:39.000 But the people that used it four times a week saw, I think it was a 40% decrease in all-cause mortality.

00:15:46.000 40% decrease, stroke, heart attack, cancer, for the people that did that as opposed to the people that didn't do it.

00:15:51.000 Well, your girl told me that if you do...

00:15:53.000 Rhonda?

00:15:54.000 Yeah, I love her.

00:15:55.000 She's the best.

00:15:56.000 You know I love her.

00:15:56.000 I love her, too.

00:15:57.000 Shout out to Rhonda Patrick. 1.00

00:15:59.000 I watch every video. 0.97

00:16:00.000 I take what she tells me to heart, and I think she's so fucking sexy. 0.98

00:16:04.000 She's so fucking smart when she just goes on her tail. 1.00

00:16:09.000 She's so fucking sexy. 1.00

00:16:11.000 But she was saying that 51 10 minutes a week in the sauna cuts your cardiac arrest rate by like fucking 60% of some shit. 1.00

00:16:22.000 Well, I'll tell you what else it does, Joey. 0.99

00:16:24.000 It makes your cardio better.

00:16:25.000 Like your cardio for working out, just sitting there, your heart rate gets jacked.

00:16:30.000 So it's like a static form of cardio.

00:16:33.000 Before I go to the Tuesday and Thursday jiu-jitsu, I go to the red light sauna. 0.99

00:16:37.000 That's my cheat because that's a heavier class and you gotta fucking be a little old. 1.00

00:16:43.000 So I always go in there in the morning, 34 minutes, come out, go right to jiu-jitsu from there. 0.97

00:16:47.000 It's a good way to warm up before working out too.

00:16:50.000 Get in there for 10 minutes, just sort of like get in there and stretch a little bit for 10 minutes.

00:16:54.000 I do yoga in there. 0.96

00:16:55.000 I do a bunch of Aragandas, whatever the fuck they call it. 0.69

00:16:59.000 Yeah, there's a company that makes a yoga room. 0.95

00:17:02.000 Like, they make a sauna that's just for working out in.

00:17:06.000 It's a bigger sauna.

00:17:07.000 I think it's...

00:17:08.000 What is that company? 0.94

00:17:09.000 But they have like chin-up bars in there and shit, and an exercise bike, and people work out while they're in the infrared. 0.98

00:17:16.000 I breathe to five. 0.93

00:17:17.000 Just work on my breathing.

00:17:19.000 Just, you know, quick breathing and deep.

00:17:21.000 And then I get up and I stretch a little bit.

00:17:23.000 And then about the 10-minute mark is where I start doing chaturangas.

00:17:29.000 Which one's a chaturanga? 0.99

00:17:30.000 Chaturanga is when you go up, down, drop. 1.00

00:17:34.000 You could drop into a fucking, whatever, crooked dog, whatever the fuck it is. 0.99

00:17:40.000 But it's not big enough for Uncle Joey, and I fucked my ankle up, so I wasn't doing those. 1.00

00:17:44.000 But I'll do a bunch of warrior poses, warrior one, warrior two. 0.99

00:17:48.000 In the sauna.

00:17:49.000 In the sauna.

00:17:49.000 Yeah.

00:17:50.000 And then I wait to the halfway mark, I go out, I take 30 seconds, I drink a little liquid IV, and I shoot right back the fuck in there. 0.99

00:17:56.000 And I gotta tell you something else. 0.99

00:17:57.000 Before I go in that sauna, I do it in the morning, I get as fucking jizzled as I can be. 0.94

00:18:04.000 Yeah? 0.95

00:18:04.000 I don't smoke. 0.95

00:18:05.000 If I know I'm going to the sauna at 10, I won't do that 8 o'clock bunk in the morning. 0.99

00:18:10.000 I'll hold off on that motherfucker till 10. And then I'll do like 18 bong hits. 0.99

00:18:15.000 When I walk in there, they even know it.

00:18:18.000 They're the nicest people in the world.

00:18:19.000 They just wave.

00:18:20.000 I go in the red light sauna. 1.00

00:18:23.000 I am fucking stoned in there. 1.00

00:18:25.000 When I walk out of there, I dry off. 1.00

00:18:27.000 I put my socks on.

00:18:28.000 I drink my water.

00:18:29.000 After about seven minutes, I go back in and smell in there. 1.00

00:18:32.000 You could grow fucking weed in that motherfucker. 1.00

00:18:35.000 The odors you smell in there. 1.00

00:18:38.000 Fucking fungi toenail sweat. 1.00

00:18:40.000 Fucking reefer sweat. 1.00

00:18:42.000 It's amazing. 1.00

00:18:43.000 Is this a place at the gym you go to?

00:18:44.000 No, no.

00:18:45.000 This is a place called Chill.

00:18:46.000 Oh, so it's a place that's set up just with saunas and cold plants?

00:18:49.000 Red light sauna.

00:18:51.000 No cold plunge, but they have the cryo.

00:18:53.000 So you can go right from the sauna to the cryo.

00:18:56.000 They got so many things now.

00:18:57.000 They got many beds that you sit in.

00:19:00.000 It controls like whatever.

00:19:02.000 They have so many things.

00:19:03.000 The place is clean.

00:19:04.000 Six minutes from my house, I could just call them and go, I'm on my way.

00:19:07.000 We don't have a bed.

00:19:08.000 We have a bed.

00:19:09.000 It's tremendous. 1.00

00:19:10.000 I love all that shit. 1.00

00:19:11.000 Yeah, I wonder what's better for you, cryo or the cold plunge? 1.00

00:19:16.000 I'll tell you what's harder to do.

00:19:18.000 Cold plunge is harder to do.

00:19:19.000 Cold plunge is hard.

00:19:20.000 It's harder to do.

00:19:22.000 And you feel different when you get out of there. 0.88

00:19:24.000 You feel fucking chilled down to the bones. 0.71

00:19:28.000 Whereas there's something about the cryo chamber. 0.93

00:19:32.000 I think they're both super beneficial, though.

00:19:35.000 I don't know if there's been studies done on what's better for you.

00:19:37.000 But I get the same feeling after both of them.

00:19:40.000 Like, woo! 0.93

00:19:40.000 I recover a lot quicker after the cryotherapy than I would the cold plunge. 0.93

00:19:44.000 The cold plunge, I'm cold for a long fucking time. 0.95

00:19:46.000 I only got one regret about cryotherapy. 0.99

00:19:48.000 I didn't discover that when I was doing drugs.

00:19:51.000 Let me tell you something.

00:19:52.000 When you go into the cryotherapy the first time, you do the three minutes, when you walk out of there, you either have an idea of what this is for you. 1.00

00:20:00.000 For me, when I walked out, I go, Where was this motherfucker when I was drinking? 0.99

00:20:05.000 Because you could snort coke till 9 in the morning, go to that red light sauna, call it a 10, come out of that 10, and you're brand new. 0.99

00:20:12.000 I've never done it, but I know from the feeling of walking out of there that you're brand new.

00:20:17.000 So you mean the cryotherapy or you mean the sauna?

00:20:21.000 The cryotherapy.

00:20:22.000 I'm sorry.

00:20:23.000 Japanese people invented cryotherapy.

00:20:25.000 They did?

00:20:26.000 Can we find out?

00:20:27.000 Can they fact check me?

00:20:28.000 I think I'd like to know.

00:20:31.000 I mean, I think the Vikings did it. 0.99

00:20:35.000 It was a thing they did, like, to just boost their manliness, just get in the fucking cold water. 0.98

00:20:40.000 Technically, Joey's right. 0.99

00:20:41.000 Oh, okay.

00:20:41.000 Developed in the 1970s by a Japanese rheumatologist, Toshima Yamaguchi.

00:20:47.000 But that'd be, like, the actual cryotherapy that we did, like, in L.A., like the...

00:20:50.000 Okay, like the liquid nitrogen.

00:20:52.000 Liquid nitrogen, yeah.

00:20:53.000 Okay.

00:20:54.000 But the Vikings were doing cold therapy...

00:20:57.000 Right, right, right.

00:20:58.000 Thousands of years ago.

00:20:59.000 I don't think they had liquid nitrogen.

00:21:00.000 But the guy that invented this to people...

00:21:03.000 It was Japanese people. 1.00

00:21:04.000 And again, these motherfuckers like to party. 1.00

00:21:07.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:21:08.000 So as soon as I walked out of there, that's what I said to myself.

00:21:11.000 Absolutely a Japanese guy invented this.

00:21:13.000 Look at this.

00:21:14.000 It goes back to the ancient civilizations.

00:21:16.000 Ancient Egyptians, Romans, and early Greeks were using cold temperatures as a form of therapy as early as 2500 B.C. Whoa.

00:21:25.000 When I used to see Fedor do it, Fedor Emelianenko, one of the all-time greats, he used to do the banya.

00:21:32.000 So they would all get in the sauna together, and they would beat them with leaves.

00:21:36.000 They would use leaves and beat them, and then they would jump in this frozen lake. 0.84

00:21:40.000 And I'm like, these guys are just insane.

00:21:42.000 I'm like, what's the benefit of that? 0.99

00:21:44.000 I would think it was nonsense.

00:21:45.000 But they knew.

00:21:47.000 This was the early 2000s.

00:21:49.000 People weren't doing cold plunges and saunas.

00:21:52.000 If they were, it wasn't openly discussed like it is now.

00:21:56.000 Dan Gable found out about it.

00:21:58.000 He was telling me on the podcast.

00:21:59.000 He found out about it when he was wrestling the Russians and the Eastern Europeans.

00:22:03.000 He's like, they all use sauna.

00:22:05.000 And he realized there's something to the actual benefits for your cardio, recovery, blood cells.

00:22:12.000 He said it's almost like a mild version of EPO. When you're in the sauna on a regular basis.

00:22:18.000 It just really boosts up your endurance.

00:22:20.000 Here's Fedor. 1.00

00:22:22.000 Damn, when he was young, he was the motherfucker, dude. 1.00

00:22:26.000 And what a dad bod that guy had. 1.00

00:22:29.000 There's not a single photo of him out there with a six-pack.

00:22:32.000 And he's widely regarded as the greatest heavyweight of all time.

00:22:37.000 I mean, he might be the greatest martial artist of all time.

00:22:39.000 He's certainly in the argument.

00:22:42.000 The arguments for the greatest martial arts of all time, if they're in their prime, I always say this guy because people leave him out of the conversation.

00:22:50.000 You never should.

00:22:51.000 BJ Penn.

00:22:52.000 B.J. Penn in his prime was one of the greatest I've ever seen.

00:22:57.000 And then there's Anderson.

00:22:58.000 Anderson in his prime.

00:22:59.000 I was just watching the Anderson documentary that the UFC just put together. 0.99

00:23:03.000 Holy shit, man. 0.99

00:23:05.000 You forget. 1.00

00:23:06.000 You forget.

00:23:07.000 You forget those Rich Franklin fights.

00:23:09.000 I never forgot.

00:23:10.000 You forget the level of expertise and precision and just mastery he had when he was in his prime.

00:23:19.000 I am telling you, I'm guilty.

00:23:21.000 Even though I'm a giant Anderson fan, I had to see it again.

00:23:24.000 I had to see it again, and I'm like, oh yeah, people forgot.

00:23:27.000 Well, we had a conversation after the Alassanio fight.

00:23:29.000 You're like, Alassanio's the best.

00:23:30.000 And I go, remember I said to you, bro, relax.

00:23:33.000 Yeah.

00:23:34.000 No, you're right.

00:23:34.000 It's Anderson.

00:23:35.000 And I love the Rich Franklin fight. 0.99

00:23:38.000 I mean, the first time I ever saw this motherfucker, I'm getting dressed. 0.99

00:23:43.000 I'm getting dressed. 1.00

00:23:44.000 Ready to go do comedy with you or anybody else.

00:23:47.000 And it was a UFC fight night with him against Chris Levin. 1.00

00:23:50.000 I never saw this fucking guy. 0.99

00:23:52.000 I heard you guys talking about him. 1.00

00:23:53.000 And when he came out, it was fucking mastery. 0.99

00:23:56.000 I was like blown. 0.99

00:23:58.000 Then he played the ukulele.

00:23:59.000 I'll never forget that.

00:24:00.000 Well, I was a giant fan of Anderson's already.

00:24:03.000 Because I became a fan of Anderson's in pride.

00:24:06.000 And then Anderson went over to Cage Warriors.

00:24:10.000 And when he went over to...

00:24:11.000 Was it Cage Rage?

00:24:13.000 What was the organization that he fought for, that Anderson fought for in England?

00:24:17.000 But in England, he became Anderson Silva.

00:24:21.000 You know, there's like Charles Oliveira.

00:24:23.000 Charles Oliveira was a really good fighter, and then his daughter was born, and then he became Charles Oliveira, the assassin that everybody knows.

00:24:32.000 But he lost a bunch of times in the UFC. He would fall apart.

00:24:37.000 Anderson when he went to England.

00:24:39.000 There's something about leaving Japan and going to England, then he became Anderson.

00:24:44.000 So what was the...

00:24:45.000 Cage Rage, right?

00:24:46.000 Cage Warriors is the...

00:24:47.000 That's like the top organization that exists now in...

00:24:52.000 In the UK. So, he fights Lee Murray in Cage Rage.

00:24:57.000 And Lee Murray was a fucking killer. 0.99

00:24:59.000 Lee Murray was the guy who was involved in the biggest armed robbery in the history of the UK. He's in jail now, like forever. 1.00

00:25:07.000 A real gangster. 0.99

00:25:09.000 Crazy dude. 0.99

00:25:10.000 So he fucks Lee Murray up in Cage Rage, and then he comes back and fucks Jorge Rivera up in Cage Rage. 0.99

00:25:17.000 And when he fucked Jorge Rivera up, he's standing in front of Jorge, who was a murderous puncher, and letting Jorge punch him in the face. 0.99

00:25:23.000 He was just letting him punch him in the face. 1.00

00:25:25.000 Just like, but you ain't got shit. 1.00

00:25:28.000 And then beat his ass. 1.00

00:25:29.000 Then he goes over and fights Tony Fricklin in cage rage and hits him with that crazy upward elbow. 1.00

00:25:34.000 Did you ever see that?

00:25:35.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 0.96

00:25:36.000 So he fought Curtis Stout, fucked him up, fucked Tony Fricklin up. 0.56

00:25:40.000 And then by the time he was coming to the UFC, I was like, dude, get ready for this guy. 0.70

00:25:47.000 And I was looking at the line, like the betting line.

00:25:49.000 The betting lines back then were stealing.

00:25:52.000 Nobody knew nothing!

00:25:54.000 Nobody knew nothing!

00:25:56.000 A guy would sneak over, a guy like Glover Teixeira or someone would come over from Brazil, and you'd be like, no one even knows yet.

00:26:04.000 You don't even know how good this guy is.

00:26:06.000 The line would be in favor of the other guy, and be like, oh my god, this is hilarious.

00:26:12.000 I think Chris Lieben might have been a slight favorite over Anderson.

00:26:14.000 I don't even know what the betting line was.

00:26:16.000 I don't think he was a favorite.

00:26:17.000 I think Anderson was a favorite.

00:26:19.000 But either way, I was like, dude, he's going to light him up like a Christmas tree.

00:26:23.000 Because Chris Lieben was just such a murderous, marauding, attacking style.

00:26:28.000 That's perfect for Anderson.

00:26:30.000 Because Anderson's the technician.

00:26:32.000 So he's just going to slide away.

00:26:33.000 Pop! 0.87

00:26:34.000 Pop! 0.87

00:26:34.000 That's what he did. 0.87

00:26:34.000 He basically just stepped away, punched. 0.87

00:26:37.000 It's a master class.

00:26:38.000 Put that fight on.

00:26:39.000 Put Anderson Silva versus Chris Levin. 0.99

00:26:40.000 The fucking fight you took me to with Rich Franklin in Columbus. 0.99

00:26:43.000 Oh yeah. 0.99

00:26:44.000 When the Arnold thing was going on and we were in Columbus.

00:26:47.000 Yeah.

00:26:48.000 That last array when he boom boom, then he hits him low with a leg kick and then he punches him again, another leg kick. 0.99

00:26:55.000 It's fucking beautiful. 1.00

00:26:56.000 I was like, what the fuck? 1.00

00:26:57.000 That's how you mix it the fuck up. 1.00

00:26:59.000 And he did it like he was just playing. 1.00

00:27:01.000 He did it like he was hitting a heavy bag, just fucking around. 0.99

00:27:05.000 What about the night we take the hit of acid? 1.00

00:27:07.000 And that's the night he decides to kick that dude in the face. 0.78

00:27:10.000 Yeah, this is the one.

00:27:11.000 So this is Anderson's debut.

00:27:13.000 And by the way, Chris Lieben, one of the most murderous punchers, knocked out Vanderlei Silva, knocked out a shit ton of dudes.

00:27:21.000 When Chris Lieben would connect on guys, they would go night-night. 0.99

00:27:24.000 And he fought like a fucking Wolverine, man. 0.99

00:27:28.000 Chris Lieben would just charge at you. 0.99

00:27:30.000 So that style, with that kind of confidence...

00:27:34.000 Look how Anderson's moving, baby.

00:27:36.000 Look at that.

00:27:36.000 Look at that jab.

00:27:38.000 Look at that jab.

00:27:39.000 Shucks him off to the side.

00:27:40.000 I mean, the footwork, bro.

00:27:43.000 Look how elegant.

00:27:45.000 Just no wasted movement.

00:27:49.000 And leaving just moving in for the kill. 0.99

00:27:51.000 Bink! 0.99

00:27:52.000 Uh-oh.

00:27:54.000 Give me that volume.

00:27:59.000 Oh, there it is.

00:28:00.000 It's already beginning.

00:28:01.000 Bing, bing, bing.

00:28:02.000 Yep.

00:28:03.000 I mean, Liebman can't even land a shot on him.

00:28:08.000 And Liebman got back up.

00:28:13.000 Oh, Liebman's so tough, dude.

00:28:14.000 Tough as nails.

00:28:15.000 And there's the knee.

00:28:16.000 And that's a wrap, son.

00:28:27.000 Anderson Silva.

00:28:30.000 That was the big debut.

00:28:31.000 That was like 2004?

00:28:33.000 Six.

00:28:34.000 Six. 0.99

00:28:35.000 I was fucking hypnotized by that. 0.99

00:28:37.000 Hypnotized. 1.00

00:28:37.000 He was the man. 1.00

00:28:38.000 Hypnotized. 1.00

00:28:39.000 I was like, what the fuck? 1.00

00:28:40.000 He was the man. 1.00

00:28:41.000 Listen, bro.

00:28:42.000 I watched the UFC with you.

00:28:44.000 There was a bunch of chubby guys that looked like me.

00:28:46.000 I don't want no part of that stuff.

00:28:47.000 You took me to Florida one time to see Miami when there was like maybe...

00:28:53.000 15 people in the audience.

00:28:54.000 Shaq was there.

00:28:55.000 Do you remember that?

00:28:57.000 It was a long time ago, yeah.

00:28:58.000 That was the early days.

00:28:59.000 That was 2004. That was 2004. Because that was around the time of the Man Show.

00:29:06.000 And it was Butterbean was one of the fighters on that card?

00:29:09.000 No, Butterbean never fought on the UFC. Who was the chubby guy that fought on that card?

00:29:13.000 There was somebody who was on that card that was like...

00:29:16.000 Trey Tellegman?

00:29:17.000 No, Scott Ferrozza was really big.

00:29:20.000 Trey Tellegman was the guy who was missing part of his practice.

00:29:22.000 But Shaq was there.

00:29:23.000 It was the two guys that Vitor fought in his debut.

00:29:25.000 But that was earlier than that.

00:29:26.000 That was 97. Shaq was there.

00:29:28.000 I remember he was already in Miami, and I was like, I'm like, man, I don't know about the UFC down here.

00:29:34.000 Yeah, Shaq trained martial arts a long time ago.

00:29:36.000 He started training a long time ago.

00:29:39.000 Bro, I didn't know he was from Newark, and I didn't know all the good things he did for Newark. 1.00

00:29:44.000 That's a bad motherfucker. 0.99

00:29:46.000 He's a good man. 1.00

00:29:46.000 I've gotten a whole new level of respect for what I heard he's done in Newark. 1.00

00:29:50.000 Oh, yeah?

00:29:51.000 One of my friends is a Newark cop, a couple of them, and they were telling me, bro, it never ends.

00:29:55.000 Oh, that's great. 0.99

00:29:56.000 Yeah, he gave a lot back to his fucking community. 0.99

00:29:59.000 He's very smart. 0.99

00:30:00.000 I mean, he's got a shit ton of businesses.

00:30:02.000 He owns a bunch of businesses.

00:30:03.000 He's always got something going on, you know?

00:30:06.000 He stays active, you know?

00:30:10.000 There's a bunch of guys that do a real good job of using whatever fame they got from athletics and then just do everything.

00:30:18.000 Shaq does everything.

00:30:20.000 He's always doing commercials.

00:30:20.000 He's always doing something.

00:30:24.000 That's a big human being, dude.

00:30:27.000 You put your hands, you shake his hand.

00:30:30.000 That's a big dude.

00:30:31.000 He's so big. 1.00

00:30:32.000 His hands are like a fucking breakfast tray. 1.00

00:30:34.000 I never said nothing to him. 1.00

00:30:36.000 I never spoke to him.

00:30:36.000 I saw him at the store a couple nights.

00:30:38.000 He would come to the store after the games for Fat Tuesday.

00:30:45.000 But I never really spoke to him or anything.

00:30:47.000 I did Fear Factor with him.

00:30:48.000 Oh, that's right.

00:30:49.000 Yeah.

00:30:49.000 Me and him, it was hilarious.

00:30:51.000 It was like a six-year-old and his dad.

00:30:55.000 It was like me standing next to him.

00:30:57.000 He's so big.

00:30:58.000 He's so gigantic.

00:31:03.000 So what else is happening, my brother?

00:31:04.000 Everything's good, man.

00:31:05.000 You know they have those banyas by me, right?

00:31:07.000 Do they?

00:31:08.000 The Russian ones? 0.98

00:31:08.000 Ari goes to those in the city. 0.98

00:31:10.000 They have a beautiful one in Freehold.

00:31:12.000 Yeah? 1.00

00:31:13.000 And the fucking place has a restaurant to die for. 1.00

00:31:16.000 Really? 1.00

00:31:17.000 Russian? 1.00

00:31:17.000 Yeah, you can stay there all fucking day. 1.00

00:31:19.000 A Russian restaurant? 0.99

00:31:20.000 I think it's everything.

00:31:21.000 Oh, okay.

00:31:22.000 It's everything. 0.97

00:31:22.000 You get beat up with the leaves, the steam, the fucking cold plunge, they got a pool, they massage you, they have lunch, you can just go there and write. 0.97

00:31:32.000 If you just want to write jokes, you can go up there and have a cafe in there. 0.99

00:31:35.000 It's really fucking sharp. 0.95

00:31:37.000 That's smart. 0.99

00:31:38.000 I'm just not in the mood to get beat up with fucking leaves at this point in my life. 0.99

00:31:41.000 When I used to go to the YMCA in Hollywood, the good one, there were Russians in there. 1.00

00:31:47.000 In the mornings with the hoods on.

00:31:49.000 They wear the hoods to keep the healing.

00:31:51.000 And they'd have the vodka there.

00:31:53.000 I did this because I was so heavy, I was embarrassed to go any other time of the day.

00:31:58.000 So I would go at 4.45. 0.99

00:32:01.000 And I would sit in the fucking banya with them, whatever, the steam bath. 1.00

00:32:05.000 And then I would go on the other one, the sauna, the steam bath. 1.00

00:32:08.000 And then I would swim.

00:32:09.000 And I just swam more and more every day.

00:32:12.000 This went on for about six months. 0.99

00:32:14.000 One day I get there about 5am, I open up the fucking door, and there's a dude completely balls-ass naked, laying where the Russians sit, okay? 1.00

00:32:24.000 Balls-ass naked, just on a fucking towel. 1.00

00:32:27.000 Dick out, didn't give a Frenchman's fuck. 1.00

00:32:30.000 I sat there for about five minutes, and all I kept thinking was, these Russians ain't gonna like it when they come in here. 1.00

00:32:36.000 Sure enough, the fucking three Russians came in. 1.00

00:32:39.000 They asked the guy to move. 0.99

00:32:41.000 The dude didn't fucking move, and it was not good after that. 0.99

00:32:44.000 Right in the YMCA. They beat his ass? 1.00

00:32:46.000 They fucking choked him and threw him out naked. 1.00

00:32:50.000 They picked him up by his fucking neck right in front of me. 1.00

00:32:52.000 I just kept walking. 1.00

00:32:53.000 I can't be around that shit. 1.00

00:32:55.000 I'll go to jail for 20 years. 1.00

00:32:57.000 Joe, they grabbed him by the fucking throat. 1.00

00:32:59.000 They asked him one time, can we sit here? 1.00

00:33:01.000 Then he let him sit, but he wouldn't put a towel on.

00:33:04.000 That's what it was. 0.98

00:33:05.000 The guy had probably come from a fucking freaky spot and was trying to get his dicks up in there. 1.00

00:33:10.000 And I walked out, and all I heard was a couple thrumps, and then I saw the sauna door open, and a homie went flying out like one of those fucking crackheads. 1.00

00:33:23.000 Eddie Bravo and I used to work out at 24 Hour Fitness, and one of the managers, they just brought him over from the West Hollywood place, and he was giving me the war report from working in West Hollywood. 0.99

00:33:33.000 He's like, it's basically a gay pickup spot. 1.00

00:33:35.000 That's all it is. 0.80

00:33:36.000 The 24 Hour Fitness on Santa Monica next to the...

00:33:39.000 I don't even know if it's there anymore.

00:33:42.000 That'll be there forever.

00:33:43.000 Is it there?

00:33:44.000 Yeah, that'll be there forever.

00:33:46.000 Back in the day, when Eddie and I were working out together, this is like 2001, 2002, this manager was like, dude, it's crazy.

00:33:54.000 He goes, there's just jizz all over the sauna.

00:33:57.000 You go in the sauna, you gotta hose it down.

00:33:59.000 There's just loads everywhere. 0.99

00:34:00.000 These guys are just fucking each other everywhere. 1.00

00:34:03.000 They find places to fuck. 1.00

00:34:05.000 And they would go there to look for other buff guys to fuck. 1.00

00:34:09.000 I mean, and you imagine the problem with guys is there's no women. 1.00

00:34:13.000 There's no one to go, hey, this is ridiculous. 0.93

00:34:15.000 I don't want to get pregnant. 1.00

00:34:16.000 What have you been up to?

00:34:18.000 You know, are we going to use protection?

00:34:19.000 There's no voice of reason. 1.00

00:34:21.000 It's just two guys, you want to fuck? 1.00

00:34:23.000 I want to fuck, let's fuck! 1.00

00:34:24.000 And they're all jacked up, right? 1.00

00:34:26.000 So they're probably doing testosterone, or they're lifting a lot of weights, and they've got high testosterone, they're horny all the time, they're taking drugs, and they're just fucking each other at the gym. 0.99

00:34:35.000 He said the gym was barely a gym. 0.96

00:34:38.000 He goes, it's so weird to come here, and it's a gym. 0.95

00:34:40.000 He goes, that gym was just a front for a gay pickup spot. 1.00

00:34:44.000 These guys were just, I'm sure they were working out too, but they were just banging. 0.88

00:34:48.000 They were doing a lot of banging.

00:34:50.000 Listen, bro, when you go through boys' town, Oh, yeah.

00:34:53.000 I think you had a bit about it before we left LA. People have to understand that when you go through Boys Town, you have one at the end, by the time you hit Dan Tannis, and you're about to hit...

00:35:04.000 You have two things on your mind. 1.00

00:35:07.000 Either I love gay people, or I can't stand these motherfuckers. 1.00

00:35:11.000 They're out of control. 1.00

00:35:12.000 And with my world, I love these motherfuckers. 1.00

00:35:15.000 The best being, this just happened like six, seven years ago, six, five, before the pandemic. 1.00

00:35:21.000 We're driving on Santa Monica, me and my wife, we're going to eat at fucking Dan Tanner's. 0.92

00:35:25.000 We got an early reservation, right? 1.00

00:35:28.000 Fucking... 0.99

00:35:29.000 We had a light. 1.00

00:35:30.000 There's a bar on the right-hand side.

00:35:32.000 UFC is on.

00:35:34.000 Two guys are fighting.

00:35:35.000 But meanwhile...

00:35:37.000 There's a hundred guys with leather dancing to the UFC. And me and my wife just look at each other and go, God bless them.

00:35:46.000 That's what it is about Boys Town.

00:35:48.000 They got the run of it.

00:35:50.000 Well, they also don't have to pretend.

00:35:53.000 No.

00:35:54.000 They don't have to pretend they want something other than what they want.

00:35:57.000 Whereas there's a lot of men that they feel like to pick up women in a bar, they have to pretend to be something different, they have to act a little different, they have to play to what the lady likes. 1.00

00:36:07.000 These guys are just fucking. 1.00

00:36:09.000 They just fuck. 1.00

00:36:10.000 They just fuck. 1.00

00:36:11.000 Listen, Christy Miller. 1.00

00:36:12.000 Remember Christy Miller from New York?

00:36:14.000 Sure.

00:36:15.000 She's in New York now? 0.97

00:36:16.000 Yeah, she's been in New York.

00:36:19.000 Before Christy Miller moved to New York, she was working at Gold's.

00:36:25.000 Ivar?

00:36:25.000 Maybe down there?

00:36:26.000 Oh, okay.

00:36:26.000 You remember that?

00:36:27.000 Yeah.

00:36:27.000 Towards over there?

00:36:28.000 There's another gay spot. 0.99

00:36:29.000 Tremendous gay spot. 1.00

00:36:31.000 But here's the fucking deal. 1.00

00:36:33.000 I was 426 pounds. 0.99

00:36:35.000 Right.

00:36:36.000 And Christy, out of the love of her heart, goes, take this membership for free.

00:36:41.000 Don't go at night.

00:36:43.000 You know?

00:36:44.000 Don't go at night.

00:36:45.000 Like these werewolves. 1.00

00:36:46.000 And they'll fucking take care of you in there. 0.99

00:36:48.000 And I'm like, really? 0.99

00:36:49.000 I tell you, I went in there maybe for three or four months before I signed up at the Y. Because the Y told me, you're too fat. 0.98

00:36:56.000 We can't have you here. 0.92

00:36:57.000 Really?

00:36:57.000 The first time I went to the Y. The Y told you you're too fat to work out?

00:37:00.000 Dog, when I went to the Y the first time, I signed up for a consultant thing. 0.84

00:37:05.000 Like somebody for free to help with you.

00:37:08.000 I didn't want to come to you guys.

00:37:09.000 I was too embarrassed.

00:37:10.000 I thought I was going to die. 1.00

00:37:11.000 I got on a fucking treadmill. 1.00

00:37:14.000 I didn't even make 30 seconds on level two. 1.00

00:37:17.000 He goes, listen, you got to go out and walk.

00:37:20.000 He goes, come back here when you lose 50 pounds.

00:37:23.000 He goes, right now, you got to walk.

00:37:26.000 Do you ever walk?

00:37:28.000 And I was like, yeah, to the store, to the drug dealers, to the comedy store.

00:37:33.000 Yeah, but no.

00:37:34.000 And he goes, just walk.

00:37:36.000 He goes, I want you to do what Dolce does, with the tap the mailboxes.

00:37:40.000 Go for a walk and tap two mailboxes one day and then three the next.

00:37:43.000 Whatever.

00:37:44.000 As far as you go?

00:37:45.000 Yeah.

00:37:45.000 So Christy gave me that thing and I would go over there at night.

00:37:48.000 I knew little things, you know, from lifting as a kid. 0.99

00:37:53.000 But every time I was struggling over there, some fucking hot guy came over. 0.95

00:37:57.000 And he would always go, excuse me, can I help you out? 0.98

00:37:59.000 And he would talk to me. 1.00

00:38:00.000 And yeah, maybe they wanted to fuck me, but I doubt it. 1.00

00:38:03.000 I was 418 pounds. 1.00

00:38:05.000 You had to fucking get a fucking crowbar to get to my asshole at that point. 1.00

00:38:09.000 So, I mean, these guys were fucking dynamite, Joe. 1.00

00:38:12.000 I would love to sit here and tell you that they hit on me not one time. 0.98

00:38:16.000 In fact, they were very helpful.

00:38:18.000 What they hit on me, they were setting me up.

00:38:20.000 You know, they're wolves.

00:38:23.000 Don't ever think.

00:38:24.000 And that's what shocked us.

00:38:26.000 Like, my friend told me about that website he used to go on, Boys Ahoy, that was just gay men, right? 0.99

00:38:32.000 Yeah.

00:38:33.000 Boys Ahoy!

00:38:33.000 It's still around.

00:38:35.000 Boys Ahoy!

00:38:36.000 Boys Ahoy.

00:38:36.000 What a great name for a website.

00:38:38.000 Okay, now he had belonged to other ones, Grindr. 0.98

00:38:41.000 You know, he's a gay dude. 1.00

00:38:42.000 He'd tell me all this shit. 1.00

00:38:43.000 He said when he signed up for Boys Ahoy, it was a complete different situation. 1.00

00:38:47.000 They just want to fuck. 1.00

00:38:49.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:38:49.000 They just want to fuck. 1.00

00:38:50.000 There's no female equivalent. 1.00

00:38:52.000 No.

00:38:53.000 There's no way.

00:38:54.000 They met at the...

00:38:55.000 He would meet them at the hot dog place up the block from the store.

00:38:58.000 Mm-hmm.

00:38:59.000 The Carnies.

00:38:59.000 The Pinks.

00:39:00.000 Oh, Carnies.

00:39:01.000 Oh, Carnies. 1.00

00:39:01.000 And he would take them to the standard, fuck them, and then he'd come to the comedy store at 9 o'clock. 1.00

00:39:05.000 And they'd go their way, and you'd go your way. 1.00

00:39:08.000 Boys Ahoy, Gay Chat and Friend.

00:39:10.000 Apps on Google Play.

00:39:15.000 Good for them.

00:39:16.000 Yeah.

00:39:17.000 Good for them. 0.99

00:39:17.000 And you gotta fucking go, wow. 0.99

00:39:19.000 Bro, when those guys get old, it gets rough. 1.00

00:39:22.000 It gets rough.

00:39:23.000 I don't know.

00:39:24.000 Yeah.

00:39:24.000 A lot of them guys, when they get old, it gets rough.

00:39:27.000 Dog, I just went to Jingle Bell to see my man Jelly, okay?

00:39:31.000 Jingle Bells?

00:39:32.000 What's that?

00:39:32.000 Jingle Ball is a big thing they do.

00:39:34.000 The Z100, they do a thing in New York and Madison Square Garden.

00:39:37.000 I never went to it, but I got a daughter now. 1.00

00:39:39.000 And you get talked into those stupid shit. 1.00

00:39:41.000 And I don't want my kid going into the city by myself, my wife, okay? 1.00

00:39:45.000 She don't know the mechanisms of it.

00:39:48.000 So I went with like, you know, nine kids from the neighborhood.

00:39:51.000 Jelly hooked us up.

00:39:53.000 Me, three moms, and like the rest were just kids. 0.86

00:39:57.000 Girls and one boy. 0.99

00:39:58.000 And I took them to go see fucking Jelly, Olivia Rodrigo. 1.00

00:40:04.000 But Cher was there. 0.99

00:40:06.000 Okay?

00:40:07.000 Cher was doing an appearance.

00:40:10.000 I get there.

00:40:11.000 Everybody's cool. 0.94

00:40:12.000 But there's two old school gay dudes.

00:40:16.000 They're probably in their 60s. 0.94

00:40:18.000 And they're those old school New York geezers, gay guys. 0.99

00:40:21.000 They were gay when it was tough to be gay. 0.97

00:40:24.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:40:25.000 They've been in New York all their lives. 1.00

00:40:27.000 They started at CBGB's or the meat market or whatever fucking gay hunt. 1.00

00:40:31.000 And now they're mature. 1.00

00:40:33.000 They were married before the law. 1.00

00:40:35.000 Dog, these motherfuckers are miserable. 1.00

00:40:38.000 They just sat there and every once in a while they would look at each other and look at the kids and go... 1.00

00:40:42.000 The whole fucking night. 1.00

00:40:44.000 I'm like, why are these fucking guys here? 1.00

00:40:46.000 Meanwhile, I got a girl and a little boy, a Jewish kid, jumping up and down, singing into the phone, the whole fucking thing. 1.00

00:40:53.000 And I'm like, look at this fucking Jewish kid. 1.00

00:40:55.000 His brother's fighting over there in Israel. 1.00

00:40:57.000 He's over here watching this fucking thing, jumping up and down like a half a fucking fag. 1.00

00:41:01.000 Now the two gay guys haven't said a word. 1.00

00:41:04.000 They just keep looking around, hating, hating everybody. 1.00

00:41:08.000 Dog, when they said Cher coming out to the stage, these motherfuckers busted out of their capes, and they got up and they were dancing like the kids. 0.99

00:41:15.000 You should have seen them. 0.99

00:41:16.000 They had to be in their 67, 68. They both had the hair.

00:41:20.000 They were fucking dancing. 1.00

00:41:21.000 They were hugging each other. 1.00

00:41:23.000 Take me home, whatever that song she fucking sings. 1.00

00:41:26.000 When Cher walked out, these motherfuckers, you see like 10,000 people just left. 1.00

00:41:32.000 Really? 1.00

00:41:32.000 Because there was a lot of gay people hidden. 1.00

00:41:34.000 It's Christmas time. 0.97

00:41:35.000 Just to see Cher.

00:41:36.000 Huh?

00:41:37.000 Just to see Cher.

00:41:39.000 82 years old.

00:41:41.000 She's 82?

00:41:43.000 What is it?

00:41:44.000 77. Close enough.

00:41:48.000 77, 82?

00:41:49.000 Yeah, that's old.

00:41:51.000 That's Biden's age. 1.00

00:41:52.000 How the fuck did Jimmy, how the fuck did our girl... 1.00

00:41:57.000 How the fuck is Jimmy Page 80 years old? 1.00

00:42:00.000 That motherfucker turned 80. She looks good. 1.00

00:42:03.000 She looks fucking dynamite. 1.00

00:42:05.000 Look at her. 1.00

00:42:08.000 How's she sound?

00:42:16.000 It's hard to tell.

00:42:18.000 Yeah.

00:42:19.000 Let me see if it's recorded.

00:42:21.000 I'll hear it.

00:42:30.000 It's not recorded.

00:42:31.000 It's loaded in processing.

00:42:32.000 Yeah, that's the show I was at.

00:42:38.000 It might...

00:42:39.000 It might be recorded.

00:42:44.000 It's hard to say.

00:42:45.000 Often, too, she might be singing live, but it's so buried in the mix that you're hearing, you would never really be able to tell.

00:42:53.000 She looks like she was singing that.

00:42:54.000 It looks like she's singing that. 0.99

00:42:56.000 That sounds pretty fucking good. 0.98

00:42:59.000 They could just be mixing. 0.98

00:43:00.000 They might mix in.

00:43:01.000 Good for her.

00:43:03.000 Maybe she can hit some of the notes on all of them or something.

00:43:05.000 She's got a young man. 1.00

00:43:07.000 I saw him when I was a fucking kid. 0.99

00:43:09.000 Yeah? 1.00

00:43:10.000 In Union City, walking into Pastore Music with fucking the king, Greg Orman. 1.00

00:43:16.000 Wow. 1.00

00:43:17.000 That nasty motherfucker. 1.00

00:43:18.000 Back in the day. 1.00

00:43:18.000 And I didn't know who he was. 1.00

00:43:20.000 I'd love to tell you I knew who Greg Orman was. 0.75

00:43:21.000 Greg Orman was an animal. 1.00

00:43:22.000 I just knew something wasn't right, but I saw her and I was like, What the fuck is Sonny? 1.00

00:43:27.000 I grew up on that stupid fucking show. 1.00

00:43:31.000 You know what the song I love is? 1.00

00:43:32.000 I'm No Angel.

00:43:33.000 Oh, bro.

00:43:35.000 What a song.

00:43:36.000 Give me that, Jamie.

00:43:37.000 That dude.

00:43:38.000 That dude lived.

00:43:40.000 You hear his voice like that?

00:43:42.000 You only get...

00:44:30.000 Yeah.

00:44:31.000 The thing about him is, the reason I called Jelly that day about three years ago after I heard that one song, I called him and I go, listen, bro.

00:44:40.000 You're bringing back something that this country has not heard in 30 years.

00:44:44.000 All these type of songs, like these singers, Greg Allman, a couple of them, even the dude from Leonard Skinner, the way they sang, it was deep.

00:44:53.000 You felt their years.

00:44:55.000 You felt what they had gone through.

00:44:57.000 And I think that's what Jelly brought back to us.

00:45:00.000 Oh, yeah.

00:45:01.000 That's what he brought.

00:45:02.000 That little piece, that's what he brought back to me. 0.99

00:45:04.000 That type of, you know, I still listen to a lot of Eat a Peach, Almonds, and I still listen to live from the fucking Beacon, whatever the fuck they do all the time. 0.98

00:45:14.000 You know, we have that Green Room playlist. 0.98

00:45:16.000 Midnight Rider is the first song. 0.99

00:45:17.000 That's the fucking, yeah. 0.99

00:45:18.000 That gets me. 0.99

00:45:19.000 That's the first song.

00:45:20.000 Sometimes I switch it up.

00:45:21.000 Sometimes it's I'm your boogeyman.

00:45:23.000 That's another one.

00:45:24.000 Depends on how we're feeling, Joey.

00:45:26.000 Depends on how we're feeling.

00:45:27.000 That's Casey in the Sunshine Band.

00:45:28.000 Yeah.

00:45:29.000 Come on, give me some I'm Your Boogie Man.

00:45:31.000 Is he still touring?

00:45:32.000 Give me some volume, too.

00:45:33.000 I don't know, man, but this is the song when we would walk into the arena.

00:45:37.000 When we do arenas, when we walk into the arena.

00:45:40.000 Like, as we're walking into the green room, I like to play I'm Your Boogie Man.

00:45:44.000 Because that's one of those ones that just...

00:45:46.000 Listen to this.

00:45:47.000 You're walking in.

00:45:49.000 The joint gets fired up.

00:45:51.000 The ice cubes go in the glass.

00:45:53.000 The whiskey gets poured.

00:45:55.000 Cheers!

00:45:56.000 Music goes up.

00:45:58.000 Everybody gets ready.

00:46:00.000 Show's about to start. 1.00

00:46:05.000 Fuck. 1.00

00:46:08.000 Be it early morning, late afternoon, or at midnight. 1.00

00:46:19.000 That was back when you could use rainbows.

00:46:25.000 You know who was here last night?

00:46:27.000 Who? 1.00

00:46:27.000 Motherfucker, nobody told me. 1.00

00:46:29.000 Cool and the gang was here last night. 1.00

00:46:31.000 No way. 0.99

00:46:32.000 At the Moody fucking theater. 1.00

00:46:33.000 No way. 0.99

00:46:34.000 When I got to the hotel room, I looked at the menu and it said, yeah, entertainment for the month. 0.99

00:46:39.000 Fucking... 0.97

00:46:39.000 That was the thing that I didn't realize about moving here. 0.97

00:46:43.000 I thought I was going to miss out on, like, big artists, like, big acts.

00:46:49.000 But then when I got here, I'm like, oh, they all come to town.

00:46:52.000 They all come here.

00:46:53.000 They all got to stop here.

00:46:54.000 They all come here.

00:46:55.000 Got to say hello.

00:46:56.000 Cat Williams was just here. 0.94

00:46:57.000 Got to say hello.

00:46:58.000 With Mark Curry.

00:46:59.000 Remember our guy Mark Curry? 1.00

00:47:00.000 Fuck yeah! 0.99

00:47:01.000 Mark Curry's the man. 1.00

00:47:02.000 Mark Curry's a sweetheart.

00:47:03.000 I just bumped into him.

00:47:04.000 Do you have his number?

00:47:06.000 No.

00:47:06.000 I gotta get his number.

00:47:07.000 I got him into the ha-ha. 0.99

00:47:09.000 And then he was working a little at the store before the pandemic hit.

00:47:13.000 My man Willie D reached out to me the other day, and he said that he saw him.

00:47:17.000 He said Mark Curry was on fire.

00:47:18.000 Mark Curry was open enough for Kat.

00:47:20.000 He said it was insane.

00:47:20.000 It's 40 years of stand-up.

00:47:22.000 What do you expect?

00:47:23.000 Mark was so underrated. 0.97

00:47:24.000 Mark was always a killer.

00:47:25.000 So underrated.

00:47:27.000 We'd see him at the store.

00:47:28.000 He was so polished.

00:47:30.000 But you know what?

00:47:30.000 He just made a ton of money off that show.

00:47:32.000 I was like, eh, I'm good.

00:47:34.000 I'm a chill.

00:47:34.000 He's a great guy, too.

00:47:36.000 Yeah.

00:47:36.000 The best.

00:47:37.000 Nicest guy in the world.

00:47:38.000 Nicest guy in the world.

00:47:39.000 Always great to young comics.

00:47:41.000 Yes.

00:47:41.000 When I walked in the store, he was always very nice.

00:47:42.000 Great to everybody.

00:47:43.000 You didn't have to earn, you know, a conversation with him.

00:47:46.000 He'd talk to door people.

00:47:47.000 So Mark Curry is opening for Cal in the Room.

00:47:50.000 Yeah.

00:47:51.000 Yeah.

00:47:51.000 At least that show in Austin.

00:47:53.000 And did they do the Moody?

00:47:55.000 I don't know what he did.

00:47:56.000 He did a big place though.

00:47:57.000 Cat's killing it. 0.78

00:47:58.000 It's like his ticket sales went up like 800%.

00:48:01.000 HEB Center.

00:48:08.000 Yeah, so he did the big place.

00:48:09.000 That's that 15,000 seat place.

00:48:11.000 Look at that.

00:48:12.000 Come on, son.

00:48:13.000 Come on, son.

00:48:15.000 Let's go.

00:48:18.000 I always loved Kat.

00:48:19.000 I love Kat.

00:48:20.000 So, I don't know.

00:48:21.000 He did that interview.

00:48:22.000 He said I wouldn't have him on.

00:48:23.000 I'm like, what are you talking about?

00:48:23.000 I'll have you on.

00:48:25.000 Let's go.

00:48:26.000 Two times.

00:48:27.000 Anytime.

00:48:28.000 Whenever you want to come by, call me.

00:48:30.000 Call me.

00:48:30.000 I'll fire this place up at 3 in the morning for you.

00:48:32.000 I'll wake up.

00:48:34.000 I'm always into doing something.

00:48:38.000 I think we're going to get a studio downtown.

00:48:41.000 I think I'm going to get a studio in one of the penthouses with a view so I could do nighttime podcasts after the podcast or after the shows. 0.96

00:48:49.000 Say if we do a 7 o'clock show at the Mothership, let's go fuck around. 0.93

00:48:53.000 Let's go do a podcast for a couple hours. 0.99

00:48:54.000 Like we did at Ice House.

00:48:55.000 Exactly.

00:48:56.000 Those are great days.

00:48:57.000 Those are great days.

00:48:58.000 When Red Band had that cool studio right there at the Ice House.

00:49:00.000 And you'd go in and out.

00:49:01.000 And we would go on the stage at Ice House Chronicles.

00:49:04.000 We had a good time.

00:49:04.000 I wonder what the Ice House looks like now.

00:49:07.000 It's supposed to be nice.

00:49:07.000 It's really nice.

00:49:08.000 It's very cleaned up.

00:49:09.000 A lot of guys don't like it because they missed the dirt.

00:49:12.000 I get it.

00:49:13.000 It was an old club.

00:49:15.000 It was the longest-running club in the country that Ice House was.

00:49:19.000 Yes, Ice House was the longest-running stand-up comedy club in the country.

00:49:25.000 It was older than the store.

00:49:26.000 Ice House existed before the store.

00:49:28.000 And it was originally an actual ice house where people would go to get ice.

00:49:32.000 And then it became like some sort of a rock and roll club.

00:49:36.000 And then it became a comedy club in the early 70s.

00:49:39.000 Been a comedy club forever.

00:49:41.000 The longest running comedy club even before the store.

00:49:46.000 It really was a gem.

00:49:47.000 Oh, it was an amazing place.

00:49:48.000 That club was a gem, and I'll tell you why. 0.99

00:49:50.000 Because it just took you out of that whole L.A. shit for an hour. 0.99

00:49:54.000 Exactly. 1.00

00:49:54.000 It took you out of there. 1.00

00:49:55.000 Put you out on regular people.

00:49:57.000 Those people in that big room that would come on Friday and Saturday, I don't know why anybody didn't take their specials there.

00:50:03.000 A lot of guys did.

00:50:04.000 They just come to laugh there.

00:50:05.000 They came prepared.

00:50:06.000 Good people.

00:50:08.000 It was a good place to be.

00:50:09.000 Good staff.

00:50:10.000 That's what I miss about LA. The Armenians. 1.00

00:50:13.000 They're up north.

00:50:14.000 See, New Jersey's got a lot of Armenians, but up north.

00:50:17.000 So when I moved here, the Armenians would call me all the time and say, if you want to buy a gun, my friend, he'll see you.

00:50:24.000 But when I went to my hometown, I had Armenians up there growing up.

00:50:28.000 Not a lot of them like this one wrestler kid.

00:50:31.000 But when I went up there about five years ago, I noticed I had an Armenian church in North Bergen.

00:50:35.000 Oh, yeah?

00:50:36.000 So I was like, yeah, they got them up here.

00:50:38.000 They're everywhere.

00:50:39.000 But I don't have them down by me.

00:50:41.000 Not like Glendale.

00:50:42.000 No, I miss them.

00:50:43.000 You were out next to them.

00:50:44.000 Yeah, no, no.

00:50:46.000 This is the last manly men. 1.00

00:50:47.000 Yeah, they're fucking out of their minds. 1.00

00:50:50.000 Unapologetically masculine men. 1.00

00:50:52.000 Dog, that was still to the day my best drug dealer.

00:50:54.000 I miss him.

00:50:55.000 We still talk once in a while. 1.00

00:50:57.000 He's still fucking nuts. 1.00

00:51:01.000 He still... 1.00

00:51:01.000 I don't know how these guys could do it. 1.00

00:51:05.000 I mean, I was there with him 20 years ago.

00:51:08.000 And he's still at that race.

00:51:10.000 At that pace.

00:51:11.000 I'm sorry.

00:51:11.000 He's not at the pace like, I go out Friday and Saturday.

00:51:14.000 No.

00:51:16.000 No.

00:51:18.000 You know, now he just goes to Vegas for the week.

00:51:20.000 Oh boy.

00:51:21.000 Now he just goes to Vegas.

00:51:22.000 100 Xanax.

00:51:24.000 A couple ounces of blow.

00:51:25.000 Do you think you could ever do a residency somewhere?

00:51:28.000 Like a Vegas type deal?

00:51:29.000 Yeah.

00:51:29.000 Where people would come to see you?

00:51:30.000 Yeah.

00:51:31.000 The thing about living in Vegas, Joey, is one, it's great tax benefits, but two, you don't live in Vegas.

00:51:37.000 No.

00:51:38.000 You live in like Henderson.

00:51:39.000 Henderson, yeah.

00:51:39.000 Yeah, or somewhere nice.

00:51:40.000 People like it.

00:51:41.000 Henderson's nice.

00:51:42.000 People like it.

00:51:43.000 What's that other place?

00:51:43.000 There's another area of Vegas that's real nice that's out...

00:51:48.000 Further away, a lot of people live in.

00:51:51.000 Where Red Rocks is?

00:51:53.000 Where's Red Rocks?

00:51:54.000 I was gonna say that, but that's not what it's called.

00:51:56.000 Red Rocks is nice.

00:51:57.000 Colorado?

00:51:59.000 No, no, no.

00:51:59.000 Red Rock Casino.

00:52:01.000 That might be what they call it, I guess.

00:52:03.000 The area of Red Rock?

00:52:05.000 That's a nice area.

00:52:06.000 That's where the Fertittas have that club, Red Rock. 1.00

00:52:10.000 I saw Dana White gambling there, and he was down $600,000 playing blackjack. 1.00

00:52:16.000 I was like, you fucking psychopath. 1.00

00:52:17.000 What are you doing? 1.00

00:52:19.000 Because I knew he did that, but I never went with him to do it until this one time.

00:52:22.000 These guys are all gambling. 1.00

00:52:24.000 Taylor LeJuan lost $120,000 in the first five minutes and I'm fucking shit in my pants. 1.00

00:52:29.000 I'm getting anxiety. 1.00

00:52:30.000 I can't watch this.

00:52:32.000 This is insane.

00:52:34.000 Taylor wound up winning.

00:52:35.000 I think he was up 60 and he quit.

00:52:38.000 And Dana wound up winning. 0.85

00:52:39.000 Dana was down 600 and he wound up being up 600. Dana's good at cards.

00:52:43.000 Oh, he's a wizard.

00:52:43.000 He got kicked out of the palms back in the day.

00:52:46.000 He won like $7 million one night and they gave him the boot.

00:52:50.000 They said you're banned.

00:52:51.000 Do you play con?

00:52:53.000 No!

00:52:53.000 I mean, I did with my wife.

00:52:55.000 I went with my wife with Whitney and Lex Friedman.

00:52:57.000 We went to Vegas a while back during the pandemic.

00:53:00.000 Whitney had a corporate gig. 0.62

00:53:02.000 So it was like she did stand-up at some lady's house. 0.96

00:53:06.000 So I went to this rich lady, had this house in Vegas, and Dana Carvey and Whitney Cummings. 0.50

00:53:12.000 And I introduced Whitney because I was just there and I was drunk.

00:53:16.000 We just went from Andrew Schultz's wedding.

00:53:19.000 So we went to Andrew Schultz's wedding at Montecito. 1.00

00:53:21.000 We flew in a jet with Lex Friedman hammered out of his fucking mind. 0.98

00:53:25.000 Whitney and my wife, we all went to Vegas for like the day. 0.99

00:53:30.000 So we got there at like 9pm.

00:53:32.000 The gig is at 10. She does her gig and then we go out and we go and play cards.

00:53:38.000 And it was a hilarious night.

00:53:40.000 Lex Friedman got a push-up contest with David Goggins.

00:53:44.000 I called Goggins and said we were in town.

00:53:46.000 Goggins met us there.

00:53:47.000 We hung out with Goggins and his wife and we played a little bit of cards, but I'm not good at it.

00:53:52.000 Did you ever play poker with five guys?

00:53:54.000 Nope.

00:53:55.000 Poker to me was always the thing that killed pool action.

00:53:58.000 Because you can't miss when you're playing poker.

00:54:01.000 You can win or lose.

00:54:02.000 So if you're a gambling addict, there's a lot of guys who are like...

00:54:04.000 The thing about Poole is making the shot.

00:54:07.000 It's like the nine balls, it's like it's eight to eight on a race to nine. 1.00

00:54:11.000 You're shooting the nine ball for all the fucking marbles. 0.99

00:54:16.000 That's what I like. 1.00

00:54:18.000 I like these high pressure moments.

00:54:20.000 I like the difficulty of like performing under pressure.

00:54:26.000 Cards didn't have any of that, but it had the gambling.

00:54:29.000 So all the gambling addicts were just addicted to gambling.

00:54:31.000 They didn't want to play pool anymore.

00:54:33.000 They wanted to play cards.

00:54:35.000 So we'd have all these gin games, gin rummy games.

00:54:37.000 These guys would be playing all these card games when you couldn't get any pool games.

00:54:42.000 So to me, I was like, this is not good.

00:54:44.000 I don't like this.

00:54:45.000 I can never sit with five guys all night.

00:54:47.000 Like I knew people who played two, three days.

00:54:49.000 I don't know.

00:54:50.000 I can't do that.

00:54:51.000 I'm not a game guy.

00:54:53.000 Even Monopoly as a kid, once you started buying hotels, I'm done.

00:54:56.000 Poker is a very skillful game and I'm sure I would love it.

00:54:59.000 Yeah, I think I would love it too.

00:55:01.000 It's like golf to me.

00:55:02.000 Like, my friend's husband, he plays professionally.

00:55:05.000 He plays poker.

00:55:06.000 He lives out here.

00:55:07.000 And he goes everywhere.

00:55:08.000 He goes to these tournaments.

00:55:09.000 There's these card places. 0.99

00:55:11.000 There's one out in Round Rock that's this big fucking card place. 0.98

00:55:15.000 And, you know, like high-level guys go there and they play, and they play tournaments. 0.99

00:55:18.000 And he makes money.

00:55:20.000 Like, he's a real poker player.

00:55:22.000 Ari was a real poker player.

00:55:23.000 Ari lived in L.A. He played a lot of, like, real poker.

00:55:27.000 But to me...

00:55:28.000 You know how I am.

00:55:29.000 I can't get into another thing.

00:55:31.000 I'm too crazy.

00:55:33.000 I get into another thing.

00:55:34.000 I got into archery.

00:55:35.000 I'm shooting arrows three hours a day.

00:55:37.000 The only reason I can't do it more is my shoulder gives out.

00:55:39.000 I get tired.

00:55:40.000 Otherwise I'd be there all day. 0.96

00:55:41.000 I'm a psychopath.

00:55:42.000 And if you give me something like poker where all I have to do is sit there and do this and I get better at it and figure it out, I'll be doing that 12 hours a day. 0.51

00:55:50.000 I can't do it.

00:55:51.000 I'm too crazy.

00:55:52.000 I don't have time for that either.

00:55:53.000 I don't have time.

00:55:54.000 I don't even know how to play dice.

00:55:56.000 Like street dice on the street. 0.99

00:55:58.000 I walked by games all the fucking time as a kid. 0.99

00:56:00.000 I stopped for two minutes, said hello, but I didn't play. 0.99

00:56:04.000 There was a 30% chance that someone was going to get punched or shot if there was ever a dice game.

00:56:08.000 There's a 30% chance.

00:56:11.000 I always thought that was like, this is like a high level of potential violent activity.

00:56:16.000 Because people get mad.

00:56:17.000 They lose.

00:56:18.000 They think someone's cheating.

00:56:19.000 Someone's got loaded dice.

00:56:21.000 Someone says they bet this, but they didn't bet this.

00:56:23.000 They bet that. 1.00

00:56:24.000 And it's like arguments and shit. 1.00

00:56:26.000 Dog, I used to go to this place. 1.00

00:56:28.000 Not used to go, I went twice with a crazy friend of mine, Chris.

00:56:35.000 181st Street, it was a parking garage, maybe six floors.

00:56:38.000 You just pulled in, there was a guy standing there, and all of a sudden you'd open up the door and you pulled into a car elevator that put your car up. 0.99

00:56:47.000 The car brought you up to the sixth floor, you fucking come out of your car, you walk out of the elevator, Joe, you thought you were in fucking Vegas. 0.99

00:56:54.000 Really? 0.99

00:56:55.000 Everything was dark. 1.00

00:56:57.000 Poker, blackjack, all that shit. 1.00

00:57:00.000 Ooh, those are exciting. 1.00

00:57:01.000 Cocaine, hookers there, there was hookers on site, people snorting on site. 0.99

00:57:06.000 Twice I went down like, this is too much for me. 0.99

00:57:08.000 Wow.

00:57:09.000 One time, me and Chris, we drove a girl out of there that we grew up with.

00:57:13.000 And then we all went to a hotel and snorted coke for the next day.

00:57:16.000 So how do they get away with that?

00:57:17.000 Do they make a deal with the cops?

00:57:18.000 Do they pay the cops off?

00:57:19.000 What do they do?

00:57:20.000 Probably.

00:57:21.000 Probably.

00:57:22.000 Get everybody to keep their mouth shut?

00:57:23.000 You can't get everybody to keep their mouth shut.

00:57:24.000 This is 30 years ago.

00:57:25.000 Right.

00:57:26.000 So this is a different mindset.

00:57:29.000 It was up 181st.

00:57:30.000 And all the cops were dirty back then. 0.56

00:57:33.000 You would always find dirty cops back then.

00:57:35.000 You know, I mean, but I don't know how they do it.

00:57:38.000 They figure it out.

00:57:39.000 You have to pay like the...

00:57:42.000 The battalion chief, you know, you gotta pay somebody.

00:57:45.000 You gotta pay them good money.

00:57:46.000 Yeah, you gotta give them a piece so they have a vested interest in keeping the place open.

00:57:50.000 See, I knew people who had that, but they'd have moving locations every day.

00:57:54.000 So the cops could never get a hold of you.

00:57:56.000 It's like when you book numbers on the phone.

00:57:58.000 We had to get a new apartment every three weeks.

00:58:03.000 Not a personal apartment.

00:58:05.000 Right, to book out of.

00:58:07.000 To book out of.

00:58:07.000 So I would get a...

00:58:09.000 My mom would get an apartment, and then she would get three different apartments out of that apartment. 1.00

00:58:14.000 So nobody could read what you're doing.

00:58:16.000 Then a month later, next door. 1.00

00:58:18.000 Then a month later, around the block, then you're back to that fucking building. 0.99

00:58:21.000 So you pretty much pay rent on it. 0.99

00:58:23.000 All those years, rent was cheap. 0.99

00:58:25.000 Now you get fucking... 0.99

00:58:26.000 Isn't it crazy how much underground gambling there was with bookies and the numbers? 1.00

00:58:31.000 The numbers was a big one.

00:58:33.000 Numbers was big.

00:58:34.000 You know, underground casinos.

00:58:36.000 I used to go with my buddy Martin Perez to this judo school.

00:58:40.000 I never wanted to go.

00:58:41.000 I was more of a karate guy. 0.96

00:58:43.000 But I would go with him, and there was like this old fucking Japanese guy and this old Cuban dude, and they would throw each other around. 1.00

00:58:50.000 There was a Russian guy there. 0.96

00:58:51.000 This is the 70s.

00:58:53.000 And up the corner, there was a place where people would play cards.

00:58:56.000 And I found out my stepfather would go there.

00:58:59.000 And one day, I went to Judah on the way out.

00:59:01.000 As I was walking towards the bus on 7th Street, I saw unmarked cars.

00:59:07.000 I saw like two unmarked cars.

00:59:09.000 And when I got home that night, My stepdad was getting ready.

00:59:12.000 I go, where you going?

00:59:12.000 He goes, I'm going to play cards.

00:59:13.000 And I go, you going down to 8th Street?

00:59:15.000 He goes, yeah.

00:59:15.000 I go, don't go down there.

00:59:17.000 He goes, why? 0.98

00:59:18.000 I go, because I was down there with Martin, and I saw the fucking two unmarked cards down there. 0.99

00:59:22.000 And he goes, what the fuck do you know? 0.99

00:59:24.000 I go, what do I know that since I've been fucking five, I've been learning to be a lookout. 1.00

00:59:29.000 Because I'm five. 0.99

00:59:30.000 That's my job, to look, to keep my fucking eyes open. 1.00

00:59:33.000 And I would just pick up shit like that. 0.99

00:59:35.000 I would just pick up two unmarked cars. 0.98

00:59:38.000 He didn't go.

00:59:39.000 He thought about it.

00:59:40.000 He goes, okay, if you saw him, I won't go.

00:59:42.000 Sure enough, the next day I woke up, he gave me 50 bucks. 0.99

00:59:45.000 He's like, dog, how the fuck did you know? 0.99

00:59:47.000 Because I'm telling you, I fucking know. 1.00

00:59:50.000 They got raided? 0.99

00:59:51.000 They didn't know in those days. 1.00

00:59:52.000 The cops would go early, and they'd park like two blocks away because they're fucking lazy. 0.99

00:59:57.000 You know, if you're going to raid somebody, stay the fuck away from there all goddamn day. 0.99

01:00:01.000 Then come in at night. 1.00

01:00:02.000 Don't fucking lurk all day, we know. 0.99

01:00:04.000 Second Goodfellas, they were following them all fucking day with a helicopter. 1.00

01:00:07.000 Just bust them, cocksucker. 1.00

01:00:09.000 Well, they want to terrorize you before they get you. 1.00

01:00:12.000 Well, they want to see how you respond.

01:00:15.000 Well, if you're cracked out, you're going to go to try to get rid of something.

01:00:18.000 Or you're going to go to try to hide something.

01:00:20.000 And they got your phone tapped.

01:00:21.000 They got everything.

01:00:22.000 So they put a cop car in front of your house to see where you react.

01:00:26.000 To see how your reaction would be for the day.

01:00:28.000 And then you start cleaning the house. 0.99

01:00:30.000 You know, you call people, get everything out of your house, whatever the fuck it is. 0.99

01:00:34.000 And then they come in and, you know. 0.98

01:00:36.000 But it's a different world out there now. 0.99

01:00:39.000 I don't know nothing about that fucking world now. 0.98

01:00:41.000 And I don't want to know. 1.00

01:00:44.000 Because now they'll shoot you just for being there.

01:00:48.000 It's a different world in terms of law enforcement too.

01:00:50.000 People are getting out of jail like that now. 0.99

01:00:52.000 And they still won't drop my warrant in fucking Seattle. 0.99

01:00:56.000 You can't even get arrested in Seattle for what you did. 0.99

01:00:59.000 You wouldn't even have a record.

01:01:02.000 You can hit somebody with a stick and be out that afternoon.

01:01:05.000 You wouldn't have a record in Seattle. 1.00

01:01:07.000 I'm still going back and forth with these motherfuckers. 1.00

01:01:09.000 That's why I looked before. 1.00

01:01:11.000 You still can't get your passport.

01:01:14.000 I just sent them the last thing.

01:01:16.000 If you get a passport and we go overseas, when we do gigs overseas, you will get a passport.

01:01:20.000 We will do this. 0.98

01:01:21.000 When you do this, we're going to have to fucking fly in a day early. 0.76

01:01:24.000 We're going to make it, because I don't know if you're even going to be able to get in over there. 0.90

01:01:28.000 It might be a hard time once you land.

01:01:30.000 Where?

01:01:31.000 Anywhere.

01:01:32.000 UK, anywhere.

01:01:33.000 Dog.

01:01:33.000 Canada's a big one.

01:01:35.000 Canada's not going to take me.

01:01:36.000 We're not going to go to Canada.

01:01:37.000 And I love Canadians.

01:01:38.000 I got none against Canadians.

01:01:39.000 It's the way the country works.

01:01:40.000 They won't let...

01:01:42.000 The nicest guy we know has got a DUI and he can't get into Canada.

01:01:46.000 But you could pay a tax.

01:01:49.000 Like Snoop Dogg.

01:01:50.000 So you're telling me Snoop Dogg can't play Canada?

01:01:52.000 There's a tax you could pay, a little heavy, and then you get out.

01:01:56.000 It's like everybody else.

01:01:56.000 We could all settle this with an envelope.

01:01:59.000 Well, they get an envelope anyway.

01:02:01.000 When you do a gig in Canada, they get a big tax envelope.

01:02:05.000 You get that in the UK, too.

01:02:06.000 You do a gig in the UK, you're paying.

01:02:09.000 Let me tell you something.

01:02:10.000 Before 9-11, I was going up to Toronto two times a year, okay?

01:02:14.000 I had all these criminal charges, no warrants or anything.

01:02:19.000 My friend from the Miami Improv dated a girl from Buffalo.

01:02:24.000 And he called her father to pick me up at the Buffalo Airport, take me to his house, and then cross me over the border.

01:02:30.000 Before 9-11, there was a casino they'd go to.

01:02:33.000 And you just drove in.

01:02:35.000 And there was no ID, no nothing.

01:02:37.000 And he would drive me to Toronto.

01:02:40.000 He would drive me to Ontario.

01:02:42.000 And I'd take the bus to Toronto and do it in two weeks and then come back.

01:02:45.000 But on the way back, I would come on the bus. 1.00

01:02:48.000 I would drive those motherfuckers crazy, dog. 1.00

01:02:52.000 When I give them my license, they'd start looking at me and they'd go, when did you come in here? 1.00

01:02:56.000 And I'd go, last week.

01:02:57.000 You were the guy that was working.

01:02:59.000 They would say, no, I wasn't.

01:03:01.000 I would have never let you come through. 0.97

01:03:02.000 Well, you're letting me the fuck out now. 0.97

01:03:05.000 Because of your record? 0.99

01:03:06.000 Yeah, they would hold me for like 10 minutes.

01:03:08.000 Like, how did you get into this country? 1.00

01:03:10.000 I'm like, on a fucking bus! 1.00

01:03:12.000 You guys let me in last week. 0.99

01:03:13.000 No!

01:03:14.000 It was a mistake.

01:03:15.000 We could have never let you in. 1.00

01:03:17.000 Dog, I would fuck with them all the time. 1.00

01:03:18.000 I tried to do that cute shit during 9-11. 1.00

01:03:22.000 They yanked me right the fuck out of there. 1.00

01:03:23.000 We're not taking this shit. 0.99

01:03:25.000 But to answer your question from before, my plan is this. 0.99

01:03:28.000 I'm doing 10 spots.

01:03:31.000 Okay, I'm up to number three.

01:03:33.000 When I do my ten spots, I'm gonna decide what I want to do.

01:03:37.000 I'm not gonna travel no more. 0.99

01:03:38.000 I'm not gonna get on fucking planes. 0.99

01:03:40.000 That was brutal last night. 1.00

01:03:42.000 That was brutal.

01:03:43.000 Three and a half hours on a flight from me, I can't do that.

01:03:45.000 Really?

01:03:45.000 Yeah.

01:03:46.000 I'm good for like an hour and a half.

01:03:47.000 I went to Nashville on JSX, the private plane, the semi-private, 30 people on, tremendous.

01:03:53.000 I recommend that to anybody if you don't like terminals. 0.93

01:03:56.000 I fucking loved it.

01:03:57.000 But they don't fly to Austin yet. 0.97

01:03:59.000 They fly to Dallas and you have to connect to Austin.

01:04:02.000 My plan is this.

01:04:03.000 Start doing some sets at the stand.

01:04:05.000 Start going over and seeing Chris Mazzilli at the Gotham Comedy Club.

01:04:09.000 Do a couple of those, and when I feel like I got 45 minutes, I'm going to take a residency somewhere.

01:04:15.000 Where are you thinking you're going to go?

01:04:16.000 AC or Parks Casino.

01:04:19.000 Where's Parks?

01:04:20.000 Philadelphia.

01:04:22.000 I have no problems in Philadelphia.

01:04:25.000 Philadelphia's great.

01:04:26.000 Nobody's going to ever walk out of my show in Philadelphia.

01:04:28.000 No, they're fun.

01:04:29.000 Yeah.

01:04:30.000 Nobody will ever walk out of my shows in Philadelphia insulted.

01:04:34.000 No.

01:04:35.000 Nobody will get their feelings hurt.

01:04:38.000 If I say a joke that, you know, I'm on the spectrum, somebody's not gonna cry after the show and say that their nephew's on the spectrum and the show hurt their feelings.

01:04:49.000 Philly, that's never gonna happen.

01:04:50.000 Animals.

01:04:51.000 Animals.

01:04:52.000 And Atlantic City.

01:04:53.000 Animals.

01:04:54.000 That's never gonna happen.

01:04:55.000 Same people.

01:04:56.000 Animals.

01:04:56.000 Same people.

01:04:57.000 South Jersey.

01:04:58.000 That's why I belong.

01:04:59.000 Yeah.

01:04:59.000 That's why I belong.

01:05:00.000 Yeah, you could easily do a residency.

01:05:02.000 I would love to tell you I'm gonna put a tuxedo on and go to Vegas, sing a couple songs, and then talk and do an hour of material.

01:05:09.000 I would love to tell you that.

01:05:10.000 You don't wanna fly.

01:05:11.000 No.

01:05:12.000 I get it.

01:05:13.000 Do you think you'd ever live anywhere other than Jersey?

01:05:17.000 Yes.

01:05:18.000 Because if you lived in Vegas, you could do a residency there. 0.96

01:05:21.000 Listen, we're not fucking crazy here. 0.86

01:05:24.000 That's a tough state to retire to in Jersey. 0.89

01:05:29.000 You know what I'm saying?

01:05:30.000 It's not cheap, bro.

01:05:32.000 Jersey's not cheap. 0.99

01:05:32.000 It's not fucking cheap, bro. 0.99

01:05:34.000 Jersey's expensive. 0.99

01:05:35.000 And that's why everybody from Jersey flies to fucking Florida, you know? 0.99

01:05:39.000 I like to lean towards Nashville. 0.99

01:05:41.000 Nashville's nice.

01:05:42.000 Outside of Nashville, get something.

01:05:45.000 Bro, right now you can pick up a house in Nashville for nothing.

01:05:49.000 The ones I saw over the holidays, brand new.

01:05:52.000 Not much, Joe.

01:05:53.000 You know, because it's going to be just a spare house.

01:05:56.000 It's just a property to retire.

01:05:58.000 If I turn 65, you know how much money I'll save by having a Tennessee address?

01:06:03.000 By living in Tennessee?

01:06:05.000 A lot.

01:06:06.000 They don't tax your pension.

01:06:07.000 They don't tax much, man.

01:06:10.000 I've read about Dubai.

01:06:11.000 See if this is true.

01:06:12.000 Dubai, there's no tax.

01:06:14.000 There's no income tax.

01:06:16.000 None at all.

01:06:18.000 They just have so much money, they're like, we don't need your money.

01:06:21.000 Don't worry about it.

01:06:22.000 Next year.

01:06:22.000 And everything's clean.

01:06:24.000 My friend Will went over there.

01:06:26.000 He moved over there.

01:06:26.000 He goes, I don't want to get shot in America.

01:06:28.000 He goes, I could live and be completely safe in Dubai.

01:06:32.000 UAE does not levy income tax on individuals.

01:06:35.000 However, it levies a 5% value-added tax on purchases of goods and services.

01:06:42.000 Levied at each stage of the supply chain and ultimately borne by the end consumer.

01:06:46.000 Yeah, but that's okay.

01:06:48.000 If you know what that is.

01:06:49.000 That's a big difference between that and income tax.

01:06:52.000 Income tax is weird.

01:06:54.000 Because you don't get any say in where it goes.

01:06:57.000 And when you see what's going on with Ukraine, you see what's going on with Israel, you see what's going on with... 0.99

01:07:02.000 All the different shit that the Biden administration spends money on. 1.00

01:07:05.000 All the money they're giving to illegal immigrants that are coming into the country. 1.00

01:07:09.000 All the money they're giving for programs that are ridiculous. 0.97

01:07:14.000 That's your money. 0.92

01:07:16.000 And you don't have any to say.

01:07:17.000 You can't argue about it.

01:07:20.000 There's not competition.

01:07:21.000 There's not a better company that's going to come along and take care of the taxes in a better way, more efficient.

01:07:25.000 There's no incentive to do it better. 1.00

01:07:27.000 Just fuck you. 1.00

01:07:28.000 Give me the money. 1.00

01:07:30.000 We're not giving Ukraine any more money, right?

01:07:31.000 We're giving them a lot more money.

01:07:34.000 Yeah.

01:07:34.000 That was one of the things that they were arguing about, that they have to do both.

01:07:39.000 They wanted the Ukraine budget to be lumped into the border fixing budget.

01:07:44.000 Joe, it's wild. 1.00

01:07:45.000 That fucking border. 1.00

01:07:46.000 It's a wild thing. 1.00

01:07:48.000 It's a wild thing they're doing. 1.00

01:07:49.000 That border and what Abbott is doing down there telling those motherfuckers to step off and shit. 1.00

01:07:57.000 I met Abbott a few times. 1.00

01:07:58.000 He's a good man.

01:08:00.000 I like that guy a lot.

01:08:02.000 You know, sending the buses filled with immigrants to the sanctuary cities is such a crazy move. 1.00

01:08:09.000 Like, fuck you. 1.00

01:08:10.000 You take care of them. 1.00

01:08:11.000 You're just letting them in.

01:08:12.000 Your policies are letting them in.

01:08:14.000 You're encouraging people to go there because you're a sanctuary city.

01:08:16.000 Good, we'll help you out.

01:08:17.000 We'll help you out.

01:08:18.000 We'll bring them right to you.

01:08:20.000 And now the same politicians that we're running on this platform, this mystery.

01:08:25.000 It's a fantasy platform.

01:08:26.000 This is a fantasy.

01:08:27.000 Like, come here.

01:08:29.000 We'll accept you all.

01:08:30.000 And let's say they govern now.

01:08:32.000 She's like, that's enough. 0.82

01:08:33.000 No more.

01:08:34.000 You can't come here.

01:08:35.000 Go somewhere else.

01:08:37.000 Go somewhere else.

01:08:38.000 What does that mean?

01:08:38.000 Go where?

01:08:39.000 They're already here.

01:08:40.000 There's too many.

01:08:41.000 There's millions.

01:08:42.000 You guys have let millions in.

01:08:43.000 There's more illegal immigrants over the last few years than are legal residents in like five states.

01:08:52.000 If you put together, like, Idaho, Wyoming, you know, like them weird states with low populations, what's the number of illegal immigrants that have entered into this country over the last four years?

01:09:07.000 Let's guess.

01:09:08.000 What do you think it is?

01:09:09.000 Millions.

01:09:10.000 Yeah!

01:09:11.000 100%.

01:09:12.000 Millions.

01:09:13.000 10 million?

01:09:14.000 Maybe 12. Maybe 12. What do you think it is, Jamie?

01:09:18.000 I saw those fucking lines. 1.00

01:09:20.000 They don't even know, by the way. 1.00

01:09:21.000 They're just guessing.

01:09:23.000 They're just guessing.

01:09:24.000 They're not counting them all.

01:09:25.000 I don't know how to find that number even.

01:09:27.000 Just try to Google it.

01:09:28.000 No, I get it.

01:09:28.000 I've tried this before.

01:09:31.000 I don't know how to differentiate illegal versus legal, and they don't really tell you either, because they have to figure it out themselves.

01:09:38.000 You're allowed to cross.

01:09:39.000 But they're trying to make everybody legal.

01:09:41.000 That's part of the hustle.

01:09:42.000 The hustle is make everybody documented.

01:09:44.000 See, when I typed in illegal immigrants entering U.S. 2023, this is what it says.

01:09:47.000 It says there's arrivals of migrants.

01:09:51.000 Without prior authorization, which I guess that...

01:09:54.000 I don't know if that's even illegal.

01:09:55.000 I don't know.

01:09:56.000 So in one year, arrival of ports of entry migrants.

01:10:01.000 But that's ports of entry.

01:10:02.000 That's not like coming in through the border.

01:10:04.000 Right.

01:10:04.000 I don't know.

01:10:04.000 Coming in through the border.

01:10:05.000 That's like doing a homeless count.

01:10:06.000 Right.

01:10:07.000 How do you really know?

01:10:08.000 Why don't you Google this?

01:10:08.000 How many illegal immigrants sneak through the border?

01:10:12.000 Just Google that.

01:10:13.000 How would you know that?

01:10:14.000 I don't know.

01:10:14.000 Google it.

01:10:16.000 How many illegal immigrants?

01:10:18.000 But just do it in my language.

01:10:20.000 How many illegal immigrants sneak through the border?

01:10:26.000 Write that.

01:10:27.000 Sneak.

01:10:28.000 Sneak.

01:10:29.000 Sneak through the border.

01:10:32.000 Let's see what's up.

01:10:35.000 Record numbers.

01:10:37.000 Okay, this is real recent.

01:10:38.000 December 24th.

01:10:40.000 Click on that.

01:10:41.000 What's it say?

01:10:42.000 It said something like 50,000, but I don't...

01:10:44.000 It still is like...

01:10:45.000 How many?

01:10:46.000 Per day?

01:10:47.000 I don't know.

01:10:48.000 50,000?

01:10:49.000 No, it can't be that much, is it?

01:10:50.000 That's crazy.

01:10:52.000 I'm not going to see that number now.

01:10:55.000 What does it say?

01:10:56.000 Okay.

01:10:59.000 There was a number.

01:11:00.000 There it goes.

01:11:00.000 Okay.

01:11:01.000 In just the last five days, Border Patrol processed nearly 50,000 miles...

01:11:06.000 Whoa! 0.71

01:11:07.000 Five days!

01:11:08.000 ...who entered the U.S. illegally, with daily apprehension surpassing 10,000 thrice, up from the 6,400 average last month.

01:11:17.000 According to federal data obtained by CBS News, roughly 1,500 immigrants are being processed each day at official border crossings under the Biden program powered by a phone app.

01:11:28.000 But that's not sneaking across.

01:11:29.000 That's why I was like, that's not answering the question you asked.

01:11:32.000 But they are.

01:11:33.000 It says entering the U.S. illegally.

01:11:35.000 But they're processed.

01:11:36.000 Right.

01:11:36.000 It's not sneaking.

01:11:37.000 Right, but they still made it across illegally.

01:11:40.000 They entered in illegally.

01:11:41.000 That's just what I'm saying.

01:11:43.000 I'm saying sneaking in, but that's really what it is.

01:11:45.000 They're processing anybody, but they're just letting them go.

01:11:47.000 This is what's crazy. 1.00

01:11:48.000 They're processing you, but it's bullshit. 0.99

01:11:51.000 They don't say you have to go back. 0.99

01:11:53.000 There's no going back.

01:11:54.000 You go in.

01:11:55.000 They give you a phone, they give you money.

01:11:57.000 A phone?

01:11:57.000 Yeah, some places they're giving people phones.

01:12:00.000 And so if it's, let's say if it's, go back to that, it's past 10,000, it's past 10,000 thrice.

01:12:09.000 So let's just say it's 50,000, so 10,000 a day.

01:12:13.000 If it's 10,000 a day, daily, that's the high end.

01:12:17.000 Let's assume that they're not counting them all, and a lot of them sneak through.

01:12:21.000 10,000, that's 3,650,000 a year. 0.99

01:12:31.000 You know, when I read all this shit, and I hear all this shit, how am I supposed to feel? 1.00

01:12:35.000 If it really is 10,000 a day, that is fucking bananas. 1.00

01:12:40.000 But think about it. 0.98

01:12:40.000 How am I supposed to feel? 0.98

01:12:41.000 I'm an immigrant.

01:12:42.000 How am I supposed to feel? 1.00

01:12:44.000 I gotta hear this shit all day long, and I feel terrible about this shit. 1.00

01:12:47.000 I would do it. 1.00

01:12:48.000 But do you see the lines of the people that are fucking coming through? 0.99

01:12:51.000 It's nuts. 1.00

01:12:52.000 And, you know, listen, I don't know if a lot of people know this shit. 1.00

01:12:55.000 Sanitation, police, all this shit in New York, there's no overtime. 1.00

01:12:59.000 Mm-hmm. 1.00

01:12:59.000 Because all that budget has gone to the migrants. 1.00

01:13:02.000 Yeah.

01:13:03.000 And the migrants are not happy. 0.98

01:13:05.000 No. 1.00

01:13:05.000 They're losing their fucking minds. 1.00

01:13:07.000 Well, they thought they were going to get jobs. 1.00

01:13:08.000 Yeah.

01:13:08.000 They were told they were going to get jobs.

01:13:10.000 They're trying to start families.

01:13:11.000 There's nothing there for them.

01:13:12.000 Now they're homeless.

01:13:13.000 Why don't we come out here to be homeless?

01:13:14.000 These sanctuary cities?

01:13:15.000 No, I don't even know.

01:13:17.000 New York City is a sanctuary city?

01:13:18.000 Yes.

01:13:18.000 Okay.

01:13:20.000 Whoever made that didn't check with the people.

01:13:23.000 No.

01:13:23.000 You know what I'm saying?

01:13:24.000 Like whoever said, we're in sanctuary city in New York City, didn't check with the people in the community.

01:13:28.000 Well, you know what it is?

01:13:29.000 It's just letting everybody know you're not racist.

01:13:32.000 You're not racist.

01:13:33.000 You have no problem with immigrants.

01:13:34.000 Well, we're not racist.

01:13:35.000 We're not, of course.

01:13:36.000 We're not racist, but I see that my friend who's got two children that depends on overtime from the sanitation department can't get it.

01:13:45.000 He's a supervisor. 0.99

01:13:46.000 He lost thousands in fucking salaries. 1.00

01:13:49.000 Because it's all going to this... 1.00

01:13:51.000 To the migrant thing. 0.91

01:13:52.000 And cops, no overtime. 0.94

01:13:54.000 So this is what this is doing.

01:13:56.000 And this just isn't New York.

01:13:57.000 It's got to be in all the big cities.

01:14:00.000 Chicago has a big problem with it.

01:14:01.000 Texas, Houston.

01:14:03.000 And what comes from this?

01:14:04.000 You don't know.

01:14:04.000 Again, we're going back to the Marielle thing.

01:14:07.000 I don't know who the fuck is coming in. 0.99

01:14:09.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:14:10.000 I don't know if they raped 22 women. 0.98

01:14:11.000 I don't know if they raped 22 boys. 1.00

01:14:13.000 I don't know if they're perfect fucking citizens. 1.00

01:14:16.000 We don't know these things. 0.99

01:14:17.000 So we're, you know, this was just something, listen, when I think of politics, I don't get involved, Joe Rogan, because it scares me. 0.87

01:14:25.000 The only thing that doesn't scare me is how a man, how a man could have 20,000 indictments And still lead the presidential fucking in our country. 0.79

01:14:36.000 This is why America's America. 1.00

01:14:38.000 How can fucking somebody have 92 fucking indictments? 1.00

01:14:42.000 He's in New York yelling yesterday, but he still has 50% of the fucking country on lockdown. 1.00

01:14:48.000 Right? 0.99

01:14:50.000 He's beaten Nikki Haley and the other guy.

01:14:53.000 Well, because it appears that they're prosecuting him for political purposes.

01:14:56.000 Yeah.

01:14:57.000 Yes, they are. 0.98

01:14:58.000 I mean, I'm not a political guy, and I'm telling you, they just keep fucking throwing things at this poor guy. 0.97

01:15:03.000 They're throwing things at him also that don't make sense. 0.94

01:15:05.000 Like, we talked about the Mar-a-Lago thing a bunch of times, where they tried to say that he overvalued Mar-a-Lago, and the judge said it's worth 18 million.

01:15:11.000 Nobody thinks that.

01:15:13.000 Nobody thinks that. 0.99

01:15:14.000 There's not a fucking human alive that thinks that place is only worth 18 million. 0.99

01:15:18.000 Did you see her raise his hand this week? 0.99

01:15:19.000 Who?

01:15:20.000 Sammy the Bull.

01:15:21.000 What'd he say? 1.00

01:15:21.000 Talking about fucking Trump. 1.00

01:15:22.000 He's great. 1.00

01:15:23.000 We can...

01:15:25.000 We can never corrupt him.

01:15:27.000 The Mafia can never...

01:15:29.000 The Italians love Trump.

01:15:30.000 Who?

01:15:30.000 The Italians.

01:15:31.000 They love Trump.

01:15:31.000 He's uncorruptible.

01:15:32.000 He was saying it the other day. 1.00

01:15:33.000 I'm sitting there scratching my head going, fucking Sammy's a savage. 1.00

01:15:37.000 He's a savage. 1.00

01:15:39.000 Yeah, this is a strange time because there's people that are trying to paint everybody that's supporting Trump as being a white supremacist or a racist or... 0.98

01:15:48.000 An anti-immigration person or anti-human rights person.

01:15:53.000 You want to vote in a dictator? 0.94

01:15:55.000 They're trying to say the most Ridiculous versions of what most of it is because what most of it is people that are fed up They're fed up with the open border. 0.83

01:16:05.000 They're fed up with the increasing government scrutiny on things like social media They're fed up with The influence that big companies have over the things you do and don't do in this country. 0.99

01:16:17.000 They're fed up with us being in these fucking wars, constantly being involved in wars. 0.94

01:16:21.000 And they know that Trump was one of the few guys that when he was in office, we didn't get into more wars. 0.99

01:16:27.000 We did.

01:16:28.000 They did do a great job of stopping ISIS. They did a lot of things with the economy that seemed to have been working.

01:16:36.000 I'm not an economist.

01:16:37.000 I'm not the guy to have this conversation with.

01:16:39.000 If you want to talk about policies and what's effective and what's not effective, I'll tell you what's not effective, what's going on right now.

01:16:45.000 What's going on right now is not good.

01:16:47.000 And you want to continue this? 1.00

01:16:48.000 You're out of your fucking mind. 0.99

01:16:49.000 You look at the just sheer raw numbers of dollars that we sent to other countries this year, that you have to realize that if you wanted the country to be better, you would have spent that money here. 1.00

01:17:02.000 And if you spent that money on us and it stays in America, you got American jobs to make American cities better.

01:17:10.000 You could have done a fucking substantial amount of rebuilding American cities with $170 billion.

01:17:20.000 There's so much they could have done that could have elevated so many lives. 0.97

01:17:25.000 And they didn't do any of it.

01:17:25.000 We're just talking about it.

01:17:26.000 Buffalo, Cleveland, Pittsburgh.

01:17:29.000 All these cities up north, New York and all that.

01:17:32.000 They need a boost up there, man.

01:17:33.000 They need something, man.

01:17:34.000 Cleveland needs a boost.

01:17:35.000 I went to Pittsburgh last year after the pandemic. 0.99

01:17:38.000 Half the fucking town was closed, brother. 0.99

01:17:40.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:17:41.000 Places had closed down.

01:17:43.000 I'm like, come on.

01:17:44.000 Like a good restaurant closed down.

01:17:47.000 How can they close down?

01:17:48.000 Think about the impact of you can't have any business for three years.

01:17:52.000 No business.

01:17:52.000 It's over.

01:17:53.000 I mean, Tony Hinchcliffe's dad lost his restaurant. 0.99

01:17:56.000 Tony Hinchcliffe's dad had a restaurant in Youngstown, Ohio for like 25 fucking years. 0.97

01:18:01.000 And he couldn't, you know, he was getting by. 0.98

01:18:03.000 He was getting by.

01:18:04.000 He was doing well, getting by, making money, good restaurant. 0.99

01:18:06.000 Like, real Italian food fucking goes under. 1.00

01:18:09.000 You know, it's like, God damn it. 0.99

01:18:12.000 You know, you didn't even give people the option of what they wanted to do, and you were wrong. 0.98

01:18:16.000 And no one is punished for it.

01:18:18.000 They were wrong.

01:18:19.000 They shouldn't have had us locked down for that long.

01:18:22.000 They were wrong. 0.99

01:18:23.000 None of that shit made sense. 0.99

01:18:24.000 All that six-foot social distancing. 1.00

01:18:26.000 Fauci now admits it's all bullshit. 0.99

01:18:29.000 They just came up with that number. 1.00

01:18:31.000 People just started saying that number. 1.00

01:18:32.000 Remember those stupid stickers on the ground at the bank? 1.00

01:18:35.000 You had a sticker. 1.00

01:18:36.000 You weren't allowed to stand here, and then the other person has to stay six feet in front of you, and you stand there.

01:18:41.000 You're not allowed to get close.

01:18:42.000 It's all nonsense. 0.94

01:18:43.000 It was all nonsense. 0.99

01:18:44.000 And they scared the fuck out of people, and they kept businesses closed. 0.99

01:18:48.000 And they closed restaurants in Los Angeles. 0.50

01:18:51.000 They closed outdoor dining just because of the optics of it.

01:18:54.000 Because COVID started to surge. 0.99

01:18:56.000 There was no evidence at all that it was causing outdoor transmission and they closed those fucking things down. 0.98

01:19:02.000 They shouldn't be allowed to have that kind of power over whether or not you can make a living and the choices that you make. 0.98

01:19:10.000 Because they are just human beings too.

01:19:12.000 And not only are they often uninformed, they're often misinformed. 0.95

01:19:16.000 They're often absolutely victims of some sort of corporate propaganda That they've been used as a mouthpiece to promote and they're affecting these people that have worked their whole lives for 20-30 years and it's such a selfish shitty fucked up way to run a city and a selfish shitty fucked up way to run a country and you didn't listen to all the experts and you didn't take into consideration people's health Mental health from losing their jobs. 0.93

01:19:44.000 How many people would have been fine? 0.99

01:19:46.000 How many people need this fucking medicine that you're trying to push on? 1.00

01:19:49.000 And how many don't? 1.00

01:19:50.000 And who's making the money off of it?

01:19:52.000 The whole thing was insane.

01:19:54.000 And it was right in front of your face. 0.99

01:19:56.000 Because we live in 2024 and the fucking internet is everywhere. 0.98

01:19:59.000 You can't run these giant scams like this where you're just fucking over the whole country without everybody just being able to piece it together at the end of the scam. 0.99

01:20:07.000 And go, well now we know how they do it. 0.88

01:20:10.000 Look at they all were working in cahoots together.

01:20:12.000 They were literally paying media companies to shame people that were anti-vaccine.

01:20:18.000 The government was involved in censoring social media posts. 1.00

01:20:22.000 Wild shit, Joey. 1.00

01:20:24.000 Wild shit. 1.00

01:20:26.000 So for people to go through all that and lose their business and be on the other side, and then Trump comes along and he's like, that's enough. 1.00

01:20:35.000 You can't just label all those people as white supremacists. 1.00

01:20:38.000 You can't label all those fucking people as hateful bigots, because that's not what it is. 1.00

01:20:44.000 They don't want any more of this. 1.00

01:20:46.000 They're tired of this nonsense that you're shoving down people's faces.

01:20:50.000 They're tired of it.

01:20:53.000 So that doesn't mean that they're evil. 1.00

01:20:55.000 And this narrative is stupid. 0.99

01:20:57.000 This narrative that everyone on the other side that disagrees with you doesn't see the fundamental problems with the way things are being run right now. 1.00

01:21:05.000 Everyone is hateful.

01:21:07.000 Everyone supports a dictator. 1.00

01:21:10.000 You guys are out of your fucking minds. 1.00

01:21:12.000 And then we got Cuba. 1.00

01:21:14.000 And they're dying of starvation still.

01:21:16.000 What are they doing now that Castro's dead?

01:21:18.000 Is his son running it?

01:21:19.000 Who's running Cuba?

01:21:21.000 They're not having elections.

01:21:23.000 No.

01:21:24.000 Elections?

01:21:24.000 They should bring back the mob.

01:21:25.000 That's when it was running smoothly. 1.00

01:21:26.000 Don't even have fucking paper. 0.99

01:21:27.000 That's when it was running smoothly. 1.00

01:21:29.000 Shit, man. 1.00

01:21:29.000 They used to love going. 1.00

01:21:30.000 People used to love going to Cuba.

01:21:32.000 It used to be the place to go.

01:21:34.000 They had gambling there.

01:21:35.000 They would go and gamble.

01:21:38.000 Famous people used to go to Cuba.

01:21:40.000 Before the revolution, right?

01:21:42.000 Kennedy.

01:21:43.000 What's the guy's name you introduced me to today?

01:21:45.000 He owns a company.

01:21:46.000 Really nice, sweet guy.

01:21:48.000 Oh, Brigham from Ways to Well?

01:21:49.000 Yeah.

01:21:50.000 Me and him had a tremendous conversation, because he went.

01:21:53.000 He went to Cuba, and he had to get a visa as a student or something. 0.55

01:21:57.000 And he was blown the fuck away. 0.97

01:21:59.000 But he was more blown away about going into those palaces and those casinos, and they still have pictures of the people sitting where you were, you know, Sinatra and fucking Brando and Rock Hudson and all these, you know. 0.99

01:22:12.000 We don't even know. 0.87

01:22:13.000 We don't even know. 1.00

01:22:16.000 How many planes would go down every day with fucking people from here. 1.00

01:22:21.000 It was amazing. 0.99

01:22:22.000 I'll tell you one thing.

01:22:23.000 You ask a Cuban in Miami who they're voting for, You gonna get a red wave, son.

01:22:32.000 You want to talk about people that vote Republican? 0.97

01:22:35.000 You want to talk about people that don't want to hear no bullshit about socialism? 1.00

01:22:38.000 Shut the fuck up. 1.00

01:22:40.000 Cubans will yell at you. 1.00

01:22:42.000 If you want to talk that nonsense, woke, hippie shit about Marxism, they will fucking yell at you. 1.00

01:22:48.000 Dog, that is not the type of shit to talk about those people. 1.00

01:22:50.000 Oh, those people have actually felt it. 0.99

01:22:52.000 They escaped it.

01:22:53.000 Beyond that, I'm sitting there, Joe.

01:22:55.000 And they're talking about Trump on something, CNN or something.

01:22:59.000 And I had to stop and go, I could just imagine what Cubans in Miami are saying in Spanish. 0.97

01:23:04.000 It is fucking hilarious. 0.98

01:23:07.000 They love Trump. 0.99

01:23:08.000 They love Trump.

01:23:09.000 Because I just spoke to a cousin of mine.

01:23:11.000 He's like,.

01:23:12.000 And I'm like, oh my god.

01:23:15.000 They love Republicans, man.

01:23:16.000 They love Trump.

01:23:17.000 And I could just imagine them going, oye,. 1.00

01:23:30.000 For a Cuban, they fucking love that shit. 1.00

01:23:33.000 What I just said was, what other country, caballero, tell me, what other country can you have 30 indictments and still be fucking president of the United States? 1.00

01:23:43.000 Yeah, that's it. 0.98

01:23:45.000 It's only one.

01:23:45.000 I mean, maybe there's another country.

01:23:47.000 If you don't give me that fucking can... 1.00

01:23:49.000 I'm gonna stab you soon. 1.00

01:23:50.000 Why? 1.00

01:23:59.000 I thought I was struggling with it.

01:24:00.000 Oh, that's hilarious.

01:24:01.000 Now, what is that?

01:24:02.000 No, no, no.

01:24:02.000 It's nicotine pouch.

01:24:04.000 They good?

01:24:04.000 Oh, yeah, they're good.

01:24:05.000 You want one?

01:24:06.000 What flavor?

01:24:06.000 This is a spearmint.

01:24:08.000 Am I gonna fucking get dizzy? 0.97

01:24:09.000 No, you get a little excited. 0.98

01:24:11.000 Check this. 1.00

01:24:12.000 Put that motherfucker in between your cheek and gum. 1.00

01:24:14.000 That's six milligrams. 1.00

01:24:15.000 You can handle it.

01:24:16.000 Oh, man.

01:24:17.000 Take it in.

01:24:17.000 Take it in the side.

01:24:18.000 There you go.

01:24:19.000 Let's go, Joey.

01:24:21.000 Woo, right?

01:24:22.000 Like, right away.

01:24:23.000 You're like, Jesus.

01:24:26.000 Yeah, the whole presidential election, the thing that scares me is if the Democrats stay in power and Biden stays in power, if you have the same administration, we're headed in the same exact direction as we are right now. 0.52

01:24:40.000 And if Trump gets into office, then people are going to freak the fuck out.

01:24:43.000 And then there's probably going to be riots, there's probably going to be some craziness, probably going to be violence, probably going to be organized stuff too.

01:24:50.000 There's probably going to be nefarious groups that organize people to start civil unrest.

01:24:57.000 That's a real thing.

01:25:00.000 Whatever those groups are, whoever you want to call them, that's a real thing.

01:25:03.000 Whether it's Antifa, whatever you want to say.

01:25:05.000 Groups of human beings that will purposely start civil unrest in order to push a narrative about a political movement, that the people are tired of Trump, that they're hateful.

01:25:18.000 You know what? 0.98

01:25:18.000 Jim Brewer has a fucking great bit about the Women's March. 0.98

01:25:22.000 He goes, remember when Trump was in the Women's March? 0.98

01:25:25.000 Yeah, you knew who a woman was then.

01:25:29.000 Isn't that a great joke?

01:25:30.000 That's only 2016. 2016 he gets in the office, there's this giant women's march, and now no one can tell you what a woman is.

01:25:37.000 If you had a giant women's march today, we'd have guys. 1.00

01:25:43.000 And you can't say shit! 1.00

01:25:45.000 There's your sisters, and then they'll hold an election, the men will win because they're more aggressive. 1.00

01:25:50.000 Then you got a man running a women's organization who says he's a woman. 1.00

01:25:55.000 It's a crazy fucking world, bro. 0.99

01:25:56.000 You ever see this video? 0.99

01:25:57.000 There's this lady in Chicago, and this guy is trying to use the women's room, and she's going in there with her daughter, and this guy has a full beard, just a full beard, and she's yelling at him.

01:26:07.000 She's like, you are a whole man.

01:26:10.000 And he's like, I am a woman. 1.00

01:26:12.000 And like, big deep breath, deep voice, big husky guy with a fucking beard. 1.00

01:26:17.000 It's like, what the fuck, man? 1.00

01:26:21.000 Like, what the fuck? 1.00

01:26:23.000 Is this being kind? 0.99

01:26:26.000 Is that what this is?

01:26:27.000 Is this being open-minded and compassionate? 1.00

01:26:29.000 Or is this opening the door to fucking psychopaths? 1.00

01:26:33.000 This is it. 1.00

01:26:34.000 Yeah, click this.

01:26:34.000 Look at this.

01:26:37.000 Look at the size of that dude.

01:26:57.000 When you see this guy, this guy's a big dude with a beard.

01:27:08.000 Hey man, use another bathroom.

01:27:10.000 Excuse me?

01:27:11.000 Just use another bathroom. 0.77

01:27:12.000 There's a child in there.

01:27:15.000 That's a child.

01:27:17.000 That's a child in there.

01:27:18.000 A little girl.

01:27:19.000 Like, use the men's bathroom. 0.99

01:27:20.000 Okay.

01:27:22.000 I'm a woman.

01:27:23.000 What does it matter?

01:27:24.000 What does it matter?

01:27:25.000 Y'all need to mind your business.

01:27:27.000 Y'all need to mind your business.

01:27:28.000 This is where world is coming.

01:27:31.000 So that's a real thing.

01:27:33.000 Now the people that want to deny that that's a real thing, you're doing a disservice for everyone.

01:27:39.000 You're doing a disservice to all the innocent women that have to go into those bathrooms and don't feel safe, and you're doing a disservice to real trans people.

01:27:48.000 There's gonna be a bunch of people that game your system. 1.00

01:27:52.000 And there's gonna be a bunch of perverts with fucking beards who want to go where the little girls are shitting. 1.00

01:27:58.000 People are out of their minds. 1.00

01:28:00.000 There's a certain percentage of people that are out of their fucking minds. 1.00

01:28:02.000 It doesn't mean that all trans people are bad. 1.00

01:28:04.000 It doesn't mean that all trans people are out of their minds.

01:28:06.000 It means that you have to know what's crazy and what's not. 1.00

01:28:11.000 And that's fucking crazy. 1.00

01:28:13.000 That's crazy. 1.00

01:28:15.000 That's a mentally ill person with a fucking beard. 1.00

01:28:18.000 Trying to get into a bathroom when a mother and her daughter are in there. 1.00

01:28:27.000 That's crazy.

01:28:28.000 I'm surprised the cops weren't called.

01:28:29.000 Well, it's Chicago, right?

01:28:31.000 And what happens if the cops come now?

01:28:33.000 What happens in that situation if the cops come, there was no assault? 0.99

01:28:37.000 Shit, if that was in San Francisco, they might arrest that lady. 1.00

01:28:40.000 They might arrest her for being a bigot. 1.00

01:28:42.000 Who fucking knows, man? 1.00

01:28:44.000 It's Narnia out there. 0.99

01:28:45.000 It's a fantasy world. 1.00

01:28:48.000 People have lost their fucking mind. 1.00

01:28:49.000 And I think it's engineered. 1.00

01:28:51.000 I think that China has been TikTok-ing these fucking people into a coma. 0.99

01:28:57.000 I think all those little videos where, you know, trans awareness and, you know, and maybe you're trans and there are no genders. 0.99

01:29:05.000 And then psychos like that guy now think that the culture has moved to the point where they can kind of get away with it.

01:29:16.000 Maybe the cultures change their opinion on things.

01:29:19.000 I think I can get away with this. 1.00

01:29:20.000 I think I can wear my full beard with my dick out and go around women. 1.00

01:29:25.000 And there's gonna be guys like that, just like there's real trans people. 0.99

01:29:29.000 There's gonna be guys that are crazy, that take advantage of this thing that I think has been at least partially engineered by other countries. 0.55

01:29:39.000 I think the algorithm supporting that and pushing that out to people, people are super easily influenced, man.

01:29:44.000 Super easily influenced.

01:29:46.000 And if you make it this thing where you just have to accept everything that happens to be trans, everything is fine as long as you call it trans. 0.97

01:29:53.000 Well then, what about perverts?

01:29:55.000 Don't you think perverts are gonna game that system? 0.99

01:29:58.000 This is a Willy Wonka golden ticket for perverts.

01:30:01.000 That's what it is. 1.00

01:30:02.000 Wasn't there a fucking TED talk a couple years ago about some chicks saying that we need pedophiles? 1.00

01:30:07.000 I'm looking through comments on this saying that this video we just watched is satire. 0.99

01:30:12.000 Really?

01:30:12.000 Yeah, I've seen other videos like this where there are people that...

01:30:15.000 I don't know who they are, but there are groups of people that will make videos like this that make them seem real.

01:30:20.000 God, that lady's a great actress. 1.00

01:30:23.000 I'm not saying it is, but I'm looking at a lot of comments on TikTok saying this is staged, this is fake.

01:30:28.000 Well, they might be right. 0.99

01:30:29.000 But that lady, if that's true, that lady's a fucking great actress. 1.00

01:30:33.000 Because that lady really did seem like someone who was very flustered and was trying to protect her daughter. 1.00

01:30:38.000 Yes, she was. 0.97

01:30:39.000 And if it is satire and you use that daughter, that girl was a really good actress, too, because she looked like a girl would respond if a fucking grown man was trying to get in the bathroom and her mother was fighting with this grown man. 1.00

01:30:50.000 Like, she was frozen. 0.70

01:30:52.000 So if that's true, if that is fake, they're really good actors. 0.99

01:30:57.000 I'll tell you when I knew the world was going crazy, Weight Watchers is offering fucking those shots. 0.95

01:31:05.000 Those epic shots? 0.99

01:31:07.000 Yeah.

01:31:08.000 Yeah, well, there's a lot of money in those shots, Joey Diaz.

01:31:11.000 I don't know if you know that.

01:31:12.000 No, I didn't.

01:31:13.000 Oh, yeah.

01:31:14.000 Do you know that those weight loss drug shots, like these peptides, it's one of the...

01:31:21.000 The biggest weight loss markets that's ever existed that gets emerged, they're everywhere now.

01:31:27.000 Everywhere.

01:31:28.000 How many people are on Ozempic and Wego V and all these other...

01:31:34.000 What's the numbers?

01:31:35.000 GLP-1.

01:31:37.000 Yeah, agonists or whatever they are.

01:31:40.000 That's not a free ride either. 1.00

01:31:42.000 Brian Simpson tried that shit and got wrecked. 0.99

01:31:45.000 He's one of the few people, like a certain percentage of people, they do it, they have a bad side effect, and he was one of those. 1.00

01:31:51.000 Terrible gastrointestinal pain, like he was in agony.

01:31:55.000 Really?

01:31:55.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:31:56.000 He had to quit it right away.

01:31:58.000 One database that has...

01:32:00.000 I'm still a little apprehensive after the vaccine.

01:32:02.000 Yeah.

01:32:03.000 Because, you know, it was just another thing that just popped up.

01:32:06.000 If you had been talking about it for a few years, I would have jumped on it, but it just popped up.

01:32:11.000 Well, some people, Brigham supports it.

01:32:14.000 Brigham says it's like for people that want to lose weight, it is one of the only ways where you can kind of guarantee that they can lose weight.

01:32:22.000 But, you know, there's the argument about that a lot of people are losing muscle mass, and they're losing bone mass along with the weight.

01:32:32.000 He's saying, yeah, but that's because they're not doing it right, and they should also do it with peptides, and he said they should do it with resistance training.

01:32:41.000 Well, the guy I really know that he even talked to me about it.

01:32:45.000 He goes, Joey, consider it.

01:32:47.000 So look at this.

01:32:47.000 It says 1.7% of people in the U.S. have been prescribed a semaglutide medication in 2023, up 40-fold over the past five years.

01:32:59.000 I mean, I never even heard of it before 2022. No.

01:33:05.000 Okay, so that's then.

01:33:08.000 So 1.7% now.

01:33:11.000 So somewhere around, somewhere in the neighborhood of 2 million people are on it in this country. 0.98

01:33:15.000 Now, my friend said if you do it correctly, he goes, what happened was doctors prescribed it to you and nobody did the fucking research on it. 0.96

01:33:24.000 So they did the wrong dose? 1.00

01:33:25.000 I worked out with a guy, Joe, Fit for the Life, Tom, this motherfucker. 1.00

01:33:29.000 He's very smart, like you. 1.00

01:33:31.000 Very, like, this is his thing.

01:33:34.000 And I asked him once, because he asked me, he goes, have you ever considered it?

01:33:37.000 I go, I don't know.

01:33:38.000 Do you recommend it?

01:33:39.000 And he goes, let me tell you something.

01:33:39.000 If you do it correctly, it'll work.

01:33:41.000 He goes, I read into a bunch of studies.

01:33:43.000 But he goes, what they don't tell you is you have to change your eating.

01:33:48.000 You have to eat the protein first on your dish.

01:33:52.000 Because you're going to get too full by the time you get to your carbs.

01:33:55.000 So he goes, people were eating it and eating salad.

01:33:58.000 And that's why they were losing the muscle mass and everything.

01:34:01.000 That makes sense.

01:34:01.000 Because you got to double your protein intake.

01:34:04.000 Now, like a bodybuilder needs 150 to 180 grams of fucking protein a day. 0.99

01:34:09.000 Sure, I could squeeze out 100 if I'm lucky, buddy. 0.99

01:34:13.000 Eggs are 7 grams each, right?

01:34:16.000 3 eggs for breakfast, no steak. 1.00

01:34:18.000 You know, I'll eat all that shit later. 1.00

01:34:20.000 But how do you do 150 fucking grams a day of protein? 1.00

01:34:25.000 All I eat is meat. 1.00

01:34:27.000 That's 5 fucking meals. 1.00

01:34:28.000 That's 530 gram meals. 1.00

01:34:29.000 I'm sure I get close to that.

01:34:32.000 So that's what he was saying, that people were not doing it right.

01:34:35.000 It works 80% better with resistance training.

01:34:39.000 I'm sure.

01:34:40.000 80% better.

01:34:41.000 I'm sure.

01:34:42.000 Okay.

01:34:42.000 Essentially what it does is it kills your desire to eat, right?

01:34:48.000 It kills your appetite, right?

01:34:50.000 So you eat less, right?

01:34:53.000 It's basically doing the same thing as if you had a controlled diet and you decided that you were going to eat less.

01:34:57.000 When you're going into starvation mode, so you're burning off more calories than your body consumes, your body's going to start eating its tissue.

01:35:07.000 You're going to eat some muscle mass.

01:35:10.000 You're just not doing...

01:35:11.000 But if you did do it with peptides and you did do it with weightlifting, I would imagine you probably...

01:35:17.000 I mean, I imagine a lot of that 35% they're talking about is like...

01:35:23.000 We're good to go.

01:35:32.000 And that was Brian.

01:35:34.000 Brian got one of the bad side effects.

01:35:35.000 They're pretty common.

01:35:36.000 You know, enough people get them to that.

01:35:39.000 It's something you have to consider.

01:35:40.000 You know, I called you about the peptide, and then you turned me on.

01:35:42.000 Thank you again for the stem cells today.

01:35:44.000 Yeah, I hope they help your knee, man.

01:35:46.000 I didn't pass out.

01:35:48.000 Good, beautiful.

01:35:49.000 I didn't faint.

01:35:49.000 I had to leave you in the room.

01:35:50.000 I knew, like, they were saying Joey's freaking out about needles.

01:35:54.000 No, no, no.

01:35:55.000 I wish you would have came in and talked to me a little bit.

01:35:57.000 The nurses were great. 0.86

01:35:58.000 They're great.

01:35:59.000 Ways to Wells, awesome.

01:36:00.000 Listen, I love that place.

01:36:01.000 I could tell you, and I even told it to her face, I go, I'd love to tell you I felt the needle.

01:36:06.000 Wow.

01:36:06.000 Well, they're really good.

01:36:07.000 They're really good.

01:36:08.000 I love to tell you I felt the needle.

01:36:10.000 I didn't even feel it.

01:36:11.000 I put my iPod on, a little Santana.

01:36:14.000 Beautiful. 1.00

01:36:15.000 Then I did the fucking IV. They have people black out all the time. 1.00

01:36:20.000 They see the needle.

01:36:21.000 He was talking about GSP. He was talking about GSP scanning needles.

01:36:26.000 That's hilarious.

01:36:27.000 Isn't that funny, that guy? 0.99

01:36:28.000 I'm telling you that it is the weirdest fear that you could ever fucking have. 0.90

01:36:34.000 GSP is so interesting because he's such a man that he's not afraid at all to tell you what he's afraid of. 0.90

01:36:40.000 You know what I'm saying?

01:36:40.000 Like he doesn't put on any...

01:36:42.000 No!

01:36:42.000 There's no bluster.

01:36:43.000 There's no bullshit. 0.96

01:36:45.000 What he is is what he is. 0.96

01:36:46.000 Dog, I had my friend's parent when I was a kid.

01:36:49.000 I brought a snake into his house. 1.00

01:36:51.000 This guy was a fucking iron worker. 1.00

01:36:54.000 They're tough as nails, drinking Irish. 1.00

01:36:57.000 This guy was in the wall in the corner saying to me, Joey, I beg you, get that out of my house. 1.00

01:37:02.000 And I kept busting his balls. 0.99

01:37:04.000 Come on. 1.00

01:37:05.000 Are you really scared of this little...

01:37:06.000 It was a little garter snake, dog. 1.00

01:37:08.000 I mean, he was ready to climb into a fucking corner there. 1.00

01:37:11.000 That's a real thing. 0.99

01:37:12.000 That's phobias.

01:37:13.000 Ophidiophobia.

01:37:14.000 Dog, the best one, I was telling her, but I didn't tell her the truth.

01:37:17.000 I told the nurse about a different story, but when I went to prison, you have to do a physical. 0.99

01:37:22.000 So here I am in prison, you know, like, you gotta fucking hold your own. 0.85

01:37:26.000 I go in there, they put me at a desk, and I'm like, Lord, don't let me pass out. 0.98

01:37:31.000 Not today. 0.56

01:37:33.000 Because I will wake up, these brothers will yank me, dog.

01:37:36.000 Do not pass out. 0.99

01:37:38.000 And Joe, I fucking kept it together. 0.99

01:37:42.000 I went back into the holding check. 0.99

01:37:44.000 What up?

01:37:45.000 Yeah, you know, we did. 0.99

01:37:46.000 Next thing you know, I fucking put the arm down. 0.99

01:37:48.000 I took the cotton ball off, and there was a red dot on blood, and I fucking fainted. 0.99

01:37:55.000 I have thousands of them. 0.97

01:37:58.000 I never told anybody the truth to how I ripped my meniscus.

01:38:01.000 Let me tell you how I ripped my meniscus.

01:38:03.000 I was at acupuncture, and I was like this.

01:38:06.000 Because at that time, she didn't lay me down.

01:38:08.000 She sat me down.

01:38:09.000 And I was like this. 0.67

01:38:10.000 And she started sticking needles into me. 1.00

01:38:12.000 And I fainted.

01:38:13.000 And the chair, I buckled.

01:38:15.000 And I just fell off the chair onto the floor.

01:38:17.000 Oh, no.

01:38:18.000 I tore my meniscus at acupuncture.

01:38:20.000 Who does that?

01:38:22.000 Dog, I have a thousand.

01:38:24.000 You know, my wife had to stop. 1.00

01:38:26.000 When she was my girlfriend, she would send me down.

01:38:29.000 I got a blood test.

01:38:29.000 I wouldn't go.

01:38:32.000 I wouldn't go.

01:38:34.000 I'd be petrified.

01:38:35.000 Of needles.

01:38:37.000 Petrified.

01:38:39.000 I used to date a girl, and when she saw someone getting a needle in a movie, she would faint.

01:38:42.000 Bro, I fainted in Pulp Fiction.

01:38:44.000 When they stuck the needle in the heart, I was on a date in Boulder. 1.00

01:38:47.000 And all of a sudden, the girl's putting raisinets in my mouth and shit. 1.00

01:38:50.000 Saying, I think you passed out. 1.00

01:38:52.000 I did fucking pass out. 0.99

01:38:54.000 She was trying to revive you with raisinets? 0.99

01:38:56.000 With raisinets?

01:38:56.000 She didn't know.

01:38:57.000 She said, I just passed back.

01:38:59.000 Come on, guys.

01:39:00.000 I got 10...

01:39:01.000 And it's always hit and miss.

01:39:04.000 Lately, the last 10 years, I've been very good.

01:39:09.000 Except for a couple IVs in my hand that didn't work.

01:39:12.000 But beside that, I've been very good.

01:39:15.000 Two, three months ago, I did the PRP on my knee.

01:39:17.000 They took six tubes of blood out.

01:39:21.000 That was no bueno for Papa.

01:39:22.000 You know my boy Tommy?

01:39:24.000 Tommy, Tommy Jr.?

01:39:25.000 Yeah!

01:39:26.000 Yeah, Tommy just fell asleep behind the wheel.

01:39:30.000 Shoveling snow all day.

01:39:32.000 Shoveling his car out of the snow.

01:39:33.000 He's driving.

01:39:34.000 He's got Dascam footage.

01:39:36.000 He just falls asleep. 1.00

01:39:37.000 Hits a fucking wall. 1.00

01:39:39.000 Is he okay? 1.00

01:39:40.000 Yeah, he's banged up.

01:39:41.000 He's banged up.

01:39:42.000 He's got some injuries.

01:39:43.000 But does he fall asleep?

01:39:45.000 He just doesn't know what happened.

01:39:47.000 He just blacked out.

01:39:49.000 It's blacked out driving from exertion.

01:39:52.000 You know, if you're a guy who's out of shape, snow is heavy, right?

01:39:57.000 Especially if it's melting a little bit, and you gotta do your whole driveway, that's a workout, man.

01:40:01.000 That's a workout.

01:40:02.000 It's not good after 50. Well, it's not good if you're not in shape.

01:40:06.000 It's great if you're in shape.

01:40:08.000 It's a really good workout. 0.99

01:40:10.000 I could put a fucking chest strap on and set an app for a workout and shovel in snow. 0.99

01:40:16.000 Oh, yeah. 0.99

01:40:16.000 And it's a real workout. 0.99

01:40:18.000 We used to shovel snow when I was a kid.

01:40:20.000 That was a great way to make money. 0.99

01:40:21.000 I shoveled fucking snow when I was an adult. 0.99

01:40:23.000 For money? 1.00

01:40:24.000 When I was 19, I shoveled snow in Aspen.

01:40:27.000 It would knock on people's doors.

01:40:28.000 No, I was part of the building crew.

01:40:30.000 I was 15 an hour.

01:40:32.000 And you went out there whatever hours you wanted.

01:40:34.000 It was work your own hours. 0.99

01:40:36.000 It was fucking fantastic. 0.98

01:40:37.000 I loved it. 0.99

01:40:38.000 I was also casing our joints, you know, because that's where all the drug dealers live.

01:40:42.000 So I was shoveling and casing.

01:40:43.000 Yeah, when I was a kid, we would make a ton of money.

01:40:46.000 Now you can't get a kid to come out.

01:40:48.000 In Jersey?

01:40:49.000 Nothing.

01:40:50.000 Nobody knocks on my door.

01:40:51.000 I was out there last week.

01:40:52.000 It was understood in the neighborhood.

01:40:54.000 That's how people would make money.

01:40:56.000 So the moment it would start snowing, people would be showing up at people's houses, asking if they wanted to get shoveled out.

01:41:03.000 That was second.

01:41:04.000 I used to go on the roads. 1.00

01:41:06.000 And push motherfuckers. 1.00

01:41:07.000 That's a quick 20. Oh, yeah. 1.00

01:41:09.000 You push a motherfucker out of a hole, he'll do anything for you. 1.00

01:41:12.000 Seriously. 1.00

01:41:13.000 Oh, yeah.

01:41:13.000 There's always people stuck, too.

01:41:14.000 Pushing and then shoveling them out.

01:41:16.000 They got stuck. 0.99

01:41:17.000 Fucking putting rocks off there. 0.99

01:41:19.000 The thing is about, like, real cold places like that, people will fucking help you because they know you could die. 0.99

01:41:24.000 Like, if you see a highway and some guys it's snowing and some guy's over to the side of the road and his hood's up, let's pick this guy up. 0.68

01:41:31.000 Like, it's a dangerous thing to do, but a lot of people do it there.

01:41:34.000 A lot of people do it.

01:41:36.000 They'll pick people up in the snow.

01:41:38.000 I would.

01:41:39.000 Hey, listen, man.

01:41:40.000 I just was told when I moved to Jersey to be careful when I shovel. 0.99

01:41:43.000 A lot of people drop fucking shoveling snow. 0.99

01:41:47.000 You get up a heart attack. 0.99

01:41:48.000 It's real work.

01:41:49.000 But is it because of the cold weather? 0.89

01:41:51.000 Well, the weather's cold, but I don't think that's fucking you up.

01:41:54.000 I think it's just the exertion.

01:41:55.000 It's a lot of working out.

01:41:57.000 Let's say you have a hundred-yard driveway.

01:42:00.000 Yeah, you're done.

01:42:01.000 That's crazy.

01:42:02.000 Okay, let's say it's 20 yards.

01:42:05.000 That's a lot to shovel.

01:42:08.000 If it's wet, if it's melting a lot, let's say that every shovel full is 40 pounds, okay?

01:42:15.000 If you're doing every shovel full 40 pounds for reps, so you're essentially doing this for reps and then carrying it, you're doing 500 reps?

01:42:27.000 That's a lot.

01:42:30.000 For example, after only two minutes of snow shoveling, study participants' heart rates exceeded 85% of maximal heart rate, which is a level more commonly expected during intense aerobic exercise testing.

01:42:42.000 The impact is hardest on those people who are least fit.

01:42:45.000 Duh.

01:42:45.000 And that's, unfortunately, my boy Tommy.

01:42:48.000 So he just fucking... 0.99

01:42:50.000 and just blacked out behind the wheel. 0.99

01:42:53.000 Yeah, I just snowed.

01:42:53.000 It snowed two weeks ago.

01:42:56.000 I got a two-car driveway.

01:42:57.000 I shoveled it with my wife. 1.00

01:42:59.000 My daughter came out and threw some fucking salt. 1.00

01:43:02.000 I did the stairs. 0.99

01:43:03.000 We didn't touch the sidewalk because nobody walks on them.

01:43:05.000 If you're fit, you should look at it as your workout.

01:43:08.000 Dude, that's a workout. 0.99

01:43:09.000 Get out there and fucking get after it. 0.99

01:43:11.000 Do it like a workout. 0.99

01:43:12.000 Bro, Jamie, young Jamie, can I ask you for a favor?

01:43:18.000 Can you show Joe the people shoveling Buffalo Stadium last weekend? 0.99

01:43:23.000 That was fucking work. 0.99

01:43:25.000 And they pay you 20 an hour, they feed you, and they give you two tickets for the game. 0.99

01:43:29.000 Oh, really?

01:43:30.000 Yeah.

01:43:30.000 Oh, that's not a bad deal.

01:43:32.000 Fuck. 1.00

01:43:33.000 If you're a kid, that's a good deal. 1.00

01:43:35.000 You get to see the game.

01:43:35.000 Bro, there were no kids out there.

01:43:36.000 There was a bunch of fat dudes like me out there fucking laying back fucking. 1.00

01:43:40.000 You sweating tickets? 1.00

01:43:42.000 Yeah.

01:43:43.000 Let me see what that looks like, James.

01:43:44.000 Oh, my God.

01:43:45.000 Look at this.

01:43:45.000 Look at the stuff.

01:43:46.000 Wow.

01:43:47.000 They're pushing all that snow down the chute.

01:43:49.000 That's crazy.

01:43:50.000 They couldn't get it out.

01:43:51.000 They just let...

01:43:52.000 You could pick your seat when they did the game on Sunday.

01:43:54.000 So did they play in that snow?

01:43:56.000 No.

01:43:56.000 They would have.

01:43:57.000 They would have.

01:43:58.000 How would they know where the lines are?

01:43:59.000 They come out after every play and blow off the lines.

01:44:02.000 Oh my god, that's hilarious.

01:44:05.000 They only blow off the lines, so you're running through snow for the...

01:44:08.000 What's like the heaviest snow they've ever played in?

01:44:10.000 I'll show you.

01:44:15.000 Look at that.

01:44:16.000 That is crazy.

01:44:17.000 And it's Buffalo.

01:44:18.000 That's crazy.

01:44:21.000 You know, there's something very American about that, that you have to play in the snow.

01:44:26.000 I mean, that is the game, right?

01:44:28.000 Because baseball, they're like, oh, it's over, folks.

01:44:30.000 It's raining out.

01:44:32.000 Can't have these players get wet.

01:44:34.000 Not this.

01:44:38.000 Why don't they play baseball in the rain? 1.00

01:44:40.000 Play it in the fucking rain. 1.00

01:44:41.000 What are you doing? 1.00

01:44:42.000 Play the game in the rain. 1.00

01:44:44.000 Who gives a shit? 1.00

01:44:45.000 Nope. 0.99

01:44:46.000 It's a rain day.

01:44:47.000 We called it for rain. 1.00

01:44:48.000 Fuck. 1.00

01:44:49.000 Meanwhile, it's snowing. 1.00

01:44:51.000 Last week.

01:44:52.000 It's zero degrees and those guys are playing football.

01:44:54.000 Last week in Kansas City was the coldest football game of all time.

01:44:59.000 How cold was it?

01:45:01.000 Young Jamie.

01:45:02.000 Mine was nine outside.

01:45:03.000 I think the wind chill was minus... 1.00

01:45:05.000 There was motherfuckers with no t-shirts on. 1.00

01:45:07.000 I guess like 60 people went to the hospital. 1.00

01:45:11.000 Audience members?

01:45:12.000 69 people needed help from the fire department.

01:45:14.000 Do you know one of the dudes that survived the Titanic?

01:45:17.000 He was in the water for two hours.

01:45:19.000 I think he was a chef.

01:45:21.000 And the story was that he got drunk before he went in the water.

01:45:25.000 He just got hammered because he knew he was gonna die.

01:45:27.000 And somehow or another, because he was drunk, he survived.

01:45:32.000 See if you can find that.

01:45:34.000 I was reading this.

01:45:35.000 I was like, how does that make sense?

01:45:36.000 How a baker survived the Titanic sinking by getting really drunk. 1.00

01:45:41.000 God damn you. 1.00

01:45:42.000 I have bonkers, these motherfuckers. 1.00

01:45:46.000 There we go. 1.00

01:45:47.000 Okay.

01:45:48.000 So, can you go back up so I can read?

01:45:51.000 So it says Charles...

01:45:52.000 How do you say that?

01:45:53.000 Johan?

01:45:54.000 How do you say that, Jimmy?

01:45:57.000 Johin was one of the disaster's most unlikely survivors and he did it thanks to industrial amounts of liquor.

01:46:03.000 So this dude got super duper hammered before he went in the water and somehow or another it helped him survive.

01:46:15.000 It was an almost physiologically impossible feat of survival, and according to the British Titanic inquiry, it was because the 33-year-old Englishman had the presence of mind to greet history's greatest maritime disaster by getting smashed.

01:46:31.000 He knew he was dying. 0.95

01:46:32.000 He knew he was dying, so he just decided to get fucked up, but he survived. 0.98

01:46:36.000 In survival situations, having all that warm blood away from the vital organs means that the drinker is at a greater risk of hyperthermia. 0.89

01:46:44.000 However, Canadian hypothermia expert Gordon Geisbrecht Figures in the minus two degrees Celsius temperature of the North Atlantic, the water was cold enough to quickly tighten Joheen's blood vessels and cancel out any effects of the alcohol.

01:47:03.000 So then, at low to moderate doses of alcohol, cold will win out, says Geichbracht.

01:47:09.000 A University of Manitoba professor has performed hundreds of cold water immersion studies.

01:47:14.000 What Geohin would have had, however, is the awesome life-saving power of liquid courage.

01:47:21.000 Alcohol remains a leading cause of humans getting into fatal situations, including freezing to death.

01:47:26.000 Nevertheless, the relaxing qualities of the drug have long been known to give humans an uncanny ability to survive trauma.

01:47:33.000 This reminded me of the story of that lady that passed out in the snow, and her friends found her like the next day, and they brought her in, and she was still alive.

01:47:41.000 Yeah, they're sitting right here in the ER, cold patients who are really drunk can walk in, and they're conscious at a temperature that they shouldn't be.

01:47:51.000 So being drunk keeps you alive.

01:47:52.000 Keep scrolling down a little more.

01:47:54.000 That's it?

01:47:55.000 No, no, no.

01:47:56.000 Yeah.

01:47:57.000 His actions might speak to a man unfazed by impending disaster.

01:48:01.000 Immediately upon hearing the collision with an iceberg, the chief baker leapt out of his bunk and began dispatching his staff to stock the lifeboats with bread and biscuits.

01:48:09.000 This done, he popped back into his cabin for a drink before heading topside to help load lifeboats.

01:48:14.000 Not only did...

01:48:17.000 Joaquin, however I say his name, Jogin, refused his own place on a boat.

01:48:23.000 There's no men like that today.

01:48:24.000 But he and a few other men began forcibly chucking reluctant women into empty seats, likely saving their lives. 0.94

01:48:33.000 He said, we threw them in.

01:48:34.000 He testified later.

01:48:36.000 The increasingly listing Titanic was mostly cleared of lifeboats by 1.30 a.m.

01:48:41.000 To most, this was a panic-inducing sign that all hopes of rescue was gone, but to whatever his name is, it was a cue to head back to his cabin for another drink. 0.99

01:48:51.000 So this dude's just getting fucked up. 0.97

01:48:53.000 He sat down on his bunk and nursed it along. 0.99

01:48:56.000 Aware, but are particularly caring that the water now rippled through the cabin doorway, wrote historian Walter Lord in A Night to Remember.

01:49:04.000 Lord was in touch with the dude before the Baker's 1956 death.

01:49:09.000 He said the dude then splashed topside again, where he took upon himself to begin throwing deck chairs overboard with an eye to filling the water with impromptu flotation devices.

01:49:21.000 So the people could float around on the chairs.

01:49:24.000 He then worked his way back to the pantry to get a drink of water.

01:49:27.000 The baker was standing on the stern when the ship broke in half.

01:49:30.000 And yet he remembered the violent, catastrophic breakup only as a great list over to port.

01:49:36.000 There was no great shock or anything, he told the Enquirer.

01:49:39.000 So he was just hammered.

01:49:41.000 Definitely moving through the swarms of people.

01:49:43.000 He made it to the stern rail of the ship exactly 2.20 a.m.

01:49:47.000 He rode the sinking Titanic into the sea like an elevator.

01:49:52.000 Woo! 0.99

01:49:53.000 As with all surviving Titanic crew members, 2.20 a.m.

01:49:58.000 on April 15, 1912 was also the exact moment in which the White Star Line stopped paying him.

01:50:04.000 Oh boy.

01:50:05.000 The first stage of cold water immersion is known as cold shock.

01:50:09.000 Horrifying sensation of having the skin cool, the feelings with the Titanic's second officer, Charles Lightowler, described as being like a thousand knives being driven into one's body.

01:50:21.000 So how did this dude survive?

01:50:23.000 What did he float around on for two hours?

01:50:26.000 What does it say?

01:50:30.000 Hmm...

01:50:33.000 I was just paddling and treading water for two hours?

01:50:37.000 Oh my god!

01:50:40.000 How come Leo couldn't do that then in the movie?

01:50:42.000 He just sunk in the water after two minutes.

01:50:45.000 Leo wasn't hammered and he gave up.

01:50:47.000 This dude didn't give up.

01:50:49.000 He paddled water for hours.

01:50:51.000 I guess it took a couple hours for them to get someone to get to them?

01:50:54.000 Yeah, after two hours.

01:50:56.000 Which is pretty impressive that they got to them in two hours.

01:51:00.000 Eventually the whole...

01:51:01.000 In 19 what?

01:51:02.000 What was this like?

01:51:03.000 19 or somewhere around there.

01:51:05.000 I don't know the exact 1912. I don't know.

01:51:07.000 The early 1900s.

01:51:08.000 So the fact they got to them in two hours is pretty amazing.

01:51:11.000 1919. Oh, no. 0.65

01:51:14.000 107th.

01:51:15.000 Yeah, okay.

01:51:17.000 So...

01:51:18.000 1912. Yeah.

01:51:19.000 1912. Wow.

01:51:21.000 Let me go think real quick.

01:51:23.000 Yeah, I'll go too.

01:51:24.000 We'll be right back.

01:51:25.000 Yeah, so she fell out of an airplane and she landed on an anthill. 0.99

01:51:33.000 How big was that fucking anthill? 0.99

01:51:36.000 And it was fire ants? 0.99

01:51:39.000 One here doesn't say that.

01:51:41.000 It was a 1999 47-year-old woman, Joan Murray.

01:51:45.000 Altitude of 14,500 feet.

01:51:48.000 Second parachute also failed to deploy.

01:51:50.000 Oh my god.

01:51:52.000 Crashed into a fire ant mound at more than 80 miles an hour.

01:51:56.000 Oh my god.

01:51:57.000 Immediately started attacking her body, which kept her alive because of the adrenaline.

01:52:03.000 Oh my god.

01:52:05.000 And then she still survived.

01:52:06.000 She was in a coma for two weeks, had operations, but she's still alive, I think.

01:52:12.000 Jesus.

01:52:14.000 I wonder if the...

01:52:15.000 Did they slow her down at all, the parachutes? 0.95

01:52:18.000 80 miles an hour is pretty fucking fast. 0.98

01:52:21.000 Jesus. 0.94

01:52:22.000 Yeah, I don't know what terminal velocity is if you don't have one, but... 1.00

01:52:27.000 Fuck parachutes, bro. 1.00

01:52:29.000 Fuck parachutes. 1.00

01:52:31.000 I'd like to try it one day. 1.00

01:52:32.000 I can set it up.

01:52:34.000 Really?

01:52:34.000 You have the guy here?

01:52:35.000 Oh yeah, I got guys.

01:52:36.000 Hi!

01:52:37.000 I don't know.

01:52:38.000 I don't do it.

01:52:39.000 You wouldn't even consider it?

01:52:41.000 You're a rush.

01:52:41.000 You might not be able to.

01:52:42.000 You might be too big.

01:52:43.000 Too big, yeah.

01:52:44.000 Yeah.

01:52:45.000 I think there's a number.

01:52:46.000 Like a guy was just telling us the other day on Kill Tony that he had to lose weight.

01:52:51.000 I think was it for parachuting?

01:52:53.000 Yeah, I think there's a number.

01:52:56.000 There has to be a number.

01:52:56.000 Yeah, I don't think you'd be like above 220 or something like that.

01:53:00.000 No, I don't think a parachute would hold up.

01:53:02.000 No, and you have to have someone on your back, too.

01:53:05.000 The first time you do it, there's a person that's got to do it with you. 1.00

01:53:09.000 Oh, fuck. 1.00

01:53:10.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:53:11.000 Fuck that Joey Diaz. 1.00

01:53:13.000 Fuck that. 1.00

01:53:15.000 That. 1.00

01:53:16.000 I'm sure it's exciting.

01:53:17.000 I don't need that in my life.

01:53:18.000 My life is exciting enough.

01:53:20.000 This is Travis Pastrana.

01:53:21.000 This is a long time ago.

01:53:22.000 It's an X Games promo.

01:53:24.000 Did he go into the net? 0.97

01:53:25.000 No, so he's like the crazy guy.

01:53:28.000 Jumps without, does all sorts of stuff. 0.91

01:53:30.000 Motocross.

01:53:30.000 But I don't know if you just noticed, he jumped out without a parachute.

01:53:33.000 He just got nothing there.

01:53:34.000 And he threw his can away.

01:53:35.000 Except the Red Bull. 1.00

01:53:36.000 But the Red Bull can is going to hit someone in the fucking head and kill him. 1.00

01:53:39.000 I think it was empty. 1.00

01:53:41.000 Yeah.

01:53:41.000 If it's coming from space?

01:53:43.000 Bro, that Red Bull can could fuck you up, so someone has to grab him? 0.99

01:53:47.000 Yeah, he ends up... 1.00

01:53:48.000 It looks like that's all they did is just put his legs around him.

01:53:51.000 Well, no, they gave him a parachute.

01:53:52.000 No, he's just strapped.

01:53:53.000 He just got locked onto that guy.

01:53:55.000 Oh.

01:53:56.000 And they go all the way down, and he's, like, barely attached.

01:53:59.000 Oh, my God.

01:53:59.000 That's so nuts.

01:54:03.000 I'm sure it's exciting, but fuck that. 1.00

01:54:07.000 Right? 1.00

01:54:09.000 Come on, Joe.

01:54:10.000 Every once in a while you gotta do something out of your comfort range.

01:54:13.000 Yeah! 0.99

01:54:13.000 Like today I went and got, you know, I would have never dreamed of that shit, but it makes you a better person. 0.99

01:54:18.000 You gotta do little shit like that. 0.99

01:54:19.000 I guess. 0.99

01:54:20.000 I don't know if you have to do that. 0.99

01:54:21.000 That's not a little shit. 1.00

01:54:23.000 Jumping out of a fucking plane with no parachute, that's not a little thing. 1.00

01:54:26.000 I mean, you gotta fucking get a rise out of something after a while, brother. 0.99

01:54:30.000 I think that's a big thing. 0.96

01:54:31.000 I would advise you not doing that one.

01:54:33.000 No, no, no, no. 1.00

01:54:34.000 But, you know, you gotta try shit. 1.00

01:54:36.000 I get it. 1.00

01:54:37.000 You know, I still remember going to Colorado.

01:54:39.000 When I was 19, and people go, do you want to go skiing? 1.00

01:54:41.000 And I go, fuck you. 1.00

01:54:44.000 Fuck you. 1.00

01:54:45.000 Fuck you. 1.00

01:54:46.000 I'll never ski. 1.00

01:54:47.000 Skiing, this, that. 0.99

01:54:48.000 You break your legs.

01:54:50.000 Until I got up there, Joe.

01:54:52.000 I was so lonely. 1.00

01:54:54.000 On Christmas Day, I go, fuck it. 1.00

01:54:56.000 Let me go get some skis and go up there. 1.00

01:54:57.000 Really?

01:54:58.000 And it would change my life.

01:54:59.000 And ever since that, I'm like, you know, every once in a while, listen, it's not going to work out.

01:55:03.000 It's not like I could ski now. 0.99

01:55:04.000 There's no fucking way. 0.98

01:55:06.000 But at least I got to do it. 0.99

01:55:07.000 The thing about skiing is everybody tries to go on harder courses than you can control.

01:55:12.000 You have to really learn how to...

01:55:13.000 Dog, you got to live there.

01:55:15.000 Or you gotta go to every...

01:55:17.000 It's like anything else.

01:55:18.000 You wanna get good at stand-up?

01:55:19.000 You gotta show up and do the dance.

01:55:20.000 You gotta go do jiu-jitsu, whatever.

01:55:22.000 Weightlifting, whatever.

01:55:23.000 It's the same thing.

01:55:24.000 Well, also, there's a lot of people that try skiing that don't do anything else.

01:55:28.000 No!

01:55:28.000 And the worst thing is when people say to me, I'm going skiing...

01:55:33.000 We're good to go. 0.99

01:55:52.000 I don't care how many squats you do and kettlebells, let's go skiing, just three times down a medium hill, the next day you'll go, fuck, this hurts in here, my hamstrings hurt, different things hurt. 0.99

01:56:03.000 They use different fucking muscles when you ski. 1.00

01:56:06.000 So people go up there, you gotta prepare for that shit. 1.00

01:56:10.000 But I lived in Snowmass, so it was like going to a summer camp. 0.99

01:56:14.000 I got to ski every day, whether it was two runs before work or three runs after work.

01:56:20.000 So you get good.

01:56:21.000 You get used to it.

01:56:22.000 The falls become easier.

01:56:24.000 Next thing you know, you're up there with no winter jacket. 1.00

01:56:27.000 Fuck, I don't need no fucking winter jacket. 1.00

01:56:29.000 This will do, a hooded sweatshirt. 1.00

01:56:31.000 It's great.

01:56:31.000 Do you ski without a helmet?

01:56:33.000 There wasn't even helmets for skiing when I was skiing. 0.99

01:56:36.000 This is 50 fucking years ago. 0.89

01:56:38.000 You went up there, you know, and then it was just something that I never thought I would do, like whitewater rafting. 0.99

01:56:45.000 That shit is great up there, you know? 0.99

01:56:47.000 You go down from Aspen all the way down to Glenwood Springs and shit. 1.00

01:56:50.000 I loved all that crazy stuff. 0.98

01:56:53.000 You know, that was...

01:56:54.000 But I don't like camping. 1.00

01:56:56.000 Because you can't wash your pussy. 1.00

01:56:58.000 Okay, I'm not going to sit with you in a tent for four days with a stinky asshole. 1.00

01:57:02.000 That ain't an adventure for me. 1.00

01:57:04.000 If you want to go camping, I'm like a white camper.

01:57:06.000 I want a shower.

01:57:08.000 I want a restaurant.

01:57:09.000 You know what I'm saying?

01:57:10.000 There's something on the location.

01:57:11.000 There's those things, but I always wanted to bungee jump one time or something.

01:57:18.000 Something out of a plane, just something.

01:57:21.000 Doesn't have to be, you know, I've jumped off a cliff into water, you know, 20 feet, whatever.

01:57:29.000 But just for somebody to say, you could jump off that cliff in Hawaii and land and you got 100 feet under you, nothing's going to happen to you. 0.98

01:57:37.000 I'll fucking try it. 1.00

01:57:39.000 You can, if you fuck up, you land wrong. 1.00

01:57:42.000 I know someone who landed on their ass. 1.00

01:57:43.000 They landed on their ass instead of straight and they fucked their back up. 1.00

01:57:46.000 No, you're done. 1.00

01:57:47.000 You're done.

01:57:48.000 But that's funny what you said before about somebody throwing a can up in the sky and it's going to kill somebody.

01:57:53.000 That Red Bull can, that's 15,000 feet in the air.

01:57:56.000 Dog, I almost got arrested when I was like 10 for almost killing the dude in Puerto Rico.

01:58:01.000 I went to Puerto Rico and my parents, my mom and the other parents left us alone and went out. 0.99

01:58:06.000 And we started throwing fucking ice off the balcony and shit. 0.98

01:58:09.000 And we kept on throwing it and throwing it. 1.00

01:58:11.000 And next thing you know, I heard an ambulance and fucking cops were knocking on all the doors and they fucking, they knew it was us. 0.99

01:58:17.000 The guy was on the floor, fucking out guy, with a little fucking ice cube from the sixth floor. 0.99

01:58:23.000 Hmm. 1.00

01:58:26.000 Yeah, six floor ice cube hit you in the head. 1.00

01:58:28.000 Six fucking floor. 1.00

01:58:29.000 That'll fracture your fucking skull. 1.00

01:58:31.000 Man, I used to do so many crazy things like that, Joe. 1.00

01:58:35.000 When I was on 88th Street, when I was like six or seven, I would play with these kids.

01:58:39.000 There was a 205 West 88th Street was on the corner, then there was a parking garage.

01:58:44.000 It's still there.

01:58:44.000 And I would play in there with the kids, and then when I would get a little bit of anxiety, I would go up to my apartment, to my bedroom, and my mother used to have the 45s from the record player at the bar, and she would give me the ones she'd take out, and I'd go by the window, and I'd just throw them out.

01:59:00.000 And they would come out like boomerangs, and come down, and you'd hear, hey, stop that! 0.99

01:59:04.000 And I'd just throw like 50 of them out, and then you'd hear the kids going, hey, fuck you! 1.00

01:59:09.000 They didn't know it was me! 1.00

01:59:11.000 And then I would come back.

01:59:11.000 What happened?

01:59:12.000 Some motherfucker up there is throwing fucking things on me. 1.00

01:59:15.000 One day I kid a kid with a thing, but he just fell down for a few minutes. 1.00

01:59:22.000 Another time, there was a place when I was growing up in North Bergen called Duratest.

01:59:28.000 They just made light bulbs.

01:59:31.000 But they made the long fluorescent ones.

01:59:33.000 You know how many times I hit in the head with those?

01:59:35.000 We would jump in their dumpster.

01:59:38.000 And take all the fluorescent bulbs out and light bulbs and just hit each other with it. 0.99

01:59:42.000 That dust that comes out of a fucking fluorescent light bulb in the 70s. 0.99

01:59:46.000 Oh my God. 0.99

01:59:47.000 We would have those light bulb wars all the time.

01:59:49.000 And then we started having them from the roofs.

01:59:51.000 And people would throw light bulbs up at us.

01:59:54.000 And we would throw light bulbs back.

01:59:56.000 And I would put the light bulbs on the floor.

01:59:58.000 And we'd call them spears. 0.99

02:00:01.000 And we'd throw the fucking long fluorescent lights at them. 0.99

02:00:04.000 One day I picked up a light bulb. 1.00

02:00:06.000 I didn't know I picked up a rock with that motherfucker. 1.00

02:00:08.000 And I just drew it at the kid. 0.99

02:00:10.000 And all of a sudden, the kid's looking right at me.

02:00:11.000 And I saw that rock just go...

02:00:12.000 And he just went backwards. 0.97

02:00:14.000 Now, this was a pervert kid. 0.57

02:00:16.000 His name was Ali, him and his brother.

02:00:18.000 Like, we were 10 or 12, and him and his brother were going to hookah houses.

02:00:21.000 His father would take him in the city when he was like 10, 11. And he would come back and tell us, they washed our dick. 0.99

02:00:27.000 It was tremendous. 1.00

02:00:28.000 I hit that kid in the head so hard with that rock, without knowing.

02:00:32.000 It wasn't no malice intended.

02:00:34.000 But when I got down there...

02:00:36.000 The lump had gone up off his head like one of those fights when the guy has a lump, a tumor, and it had like a little pimple with blood in it.

02:00:42.000 It was already filled up, though.

02:00:44.000 And it had ice on his head.

02:00:46.000 I felt so bad. 1.00

02:00:47.000 I was giggling inside, but you feel fucking bad when you do that shit to people. 1.00

02:00:52.000 His dad took him to a brothel when he was 10? 1.00

02:00:54.000 Every weekend.

02:00:55.000 They were Cuban.

02:00:56.000 The Ali brothers, Juan and Carlos Ali.

02:00:59.000 Juan was the brains of the operation.

02:01:01.000 Carlos was a little bit on the slow brother.

02:01:03.000 He was like the Lenny of the Squiggy. 0.99

02:01:05.000 How crazy is it taking a 10-year-old to a brothel?

02:01:08.000 Well, they were going every weekend into the city.

02:01:12.000 Sixth grade, seventh grade.

02:01:14.000 Jesus Christ. 0.99

02:01:15.000 And telling us about all the stories on fucking Mondays. 0.99

02:01:19.000 Oh, my God. 0.99

02:01:21.000 Bro, we grew up with some pieces of work.

02:01:22.000 Not these kids growing up today where people didn't do anything with them.

02:01:26.000 You know, I look at my daughter, her little friends, it's not gonna be good for them.

02:01:30.000 It's gonna be weird, that's for sure.

02:01:32.000 It's not gonna be good for them.

02:01:33.000 It's gonna be weird.

02:01:34.000 It's gonna be a completely different world.

02:01:35.000 I try to, but, you know, you try the hardest and you talk to them and shit. 0.97

02:01:41.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:01:41.000 And that's the best you could do, but the world they're gonna grow up in is completely different than our fucking world. 0.99

02:01:46.000 Completely different. 0.88

02:01:46.000 You know, and it's so weird that I had to... 0.88

02:01:50.000 I had a shitty childhood, family-wise, but everything else was fucking aces with me, bro. 0.98

02:01:55.000 I laughed my ass off. 0.99

02:01:56.000 I had a great time.

02:01:57.000 These kids, they don't, you know...

02:01:59.000 One of the kids we took to the city for Jingle Bells told me, I never came to New York City before.

02:02:04.000 She had never seen a cab before.

02:02:06.000 Wow.

02:02:07.000 Never saw a cab before.

02:02:08.000 It's only an hour away.

02:02:10.000 Hour away. 0.99

02:02:11.000 55 fucking minutes, you know? 0.99

02:02:13.000 It's a different world. 1.00

02:02:14.000 New Jersey is a completely different world.

02:02:16.000 People have this idea that New Jersey is like real similar to New York, like the Bronx or something like that.

02:02:21.000 New Jersey is very rural.

02:02:23.000 Very rural.

02:02:24.000 There's a lot of spots.

02:02:25.000 Let's have young Jamie check it.

02:02:27.000 Yeah.

02:02:28.000 Jamie, where's the most horses in the United States?

02:02:32.000 Equestrian state.

02:02:34.000 If that's New Jersey, that's nuts. 1.00

02:02:37.000 That's fucking crazy. 1.00

02:02:39.000 Listen, bro. 1.00

02:02:40.000 Jersey has Newark, Bayonne, Amboy.

02:02:42.000 Don't get me wrong. 1.00

02:02:43.000 You'll get fucking killed in Newark. 1.00

02:02:45.000 Camden. 1.00

02:02:46.000 Camden, Pensauken.

02:02:47.000 You know, Jersey City's getting bad.

02:02:49.000 North Bergen's not all good.

02:02:51.000 You know, they just had a couple murders in Hoboken.

02:02:54.000 It's not New York City, per se.

02:02:56.000 But it has cities. 0.97

02:02:58.000 Action's still fucking happening. 0.96

02:02:59.000 Yeah, there's cities. 0.98

02:03:00.000 But it's a lot bigger than people think it is.

02:03:02.000 What's that?

02:03:03.000 New Jersey.

02:03:04.000 Bro, I'm in shock.

02:03:05.000 Yeah.

02:03:06.000 I'm in shock how big it is. 0.96

02:03:08.000 I never fucking knew to that. 0.98

02:03:09.000 People think it's real little. 0.99

02:03:10.000 You drive through it real quick and next thing you know you're in Philadelphia.

02:03:13.000 No, that's only one way.

02:03:14.000 If you look at the entirety of the state and how much of it is actually rural, New Jersey has the most horses per capita.

02:03:23.000 10 horses per 1,000 people.

02:03:26.000 What did I tell you?

02:03:26.000 Wow.

02:03:27.000 Dog, if you thought I knew that, I think it was Kentucky.

02:03:31.000 You know what also they have?

02:03:33.000 What?

02:03:34.000 The highest population of black bears.

02:03:35.000 Who?

02:03:36.000 New Jersey.

02:03:37.000 New Jersey, yeah, but that's up north, dog. 1.00

02:03:39.000 And they don't fuck around up there. 0.99

02:03:41.000 The bears? 0.99

02:03:42.000 Yeah.

02:03:42.000 They're down south, too.

02:03:44.000 They're near Rutgers.

02:03:46.000 One of the students from Rutgers got killed by a bear.

02:03:49.000 My daughter said she saw a bear one day when we were driving.

02:03:51.000 A little bear.

02:03:52.000 Who knows?

02:03:54.000 Oh, they're there, Joey.

02:03:55.000 Far Rockaway.

02:03:56.000 There's videos of them in Far Rockaway fighting on this street.

02:04:00.000 It's crazy.

02:04:01.000 These giant bears.

02:04:02.000 They're so big and they're fighting over garbage cans.

02:04:06.000 They're knocking each other over. 1.00

02:04:07.000 They topple Down into a fucking mailbox, they're out into the street. 0.99

02:04:11.000 This guy's sitting in his car filming these, like, 400-pound bears going to war with each other in the middle of, like, a crowded suburb. 0.99

02:04:18.000 Cars are stopped.

02:04:20.000 You ever seen this?

02:04:22.000 No.

02:04:22.000 Find that video.

02:04:24.000 That video's fucking bananas. 0.99

02:04:26.000 Because you're looking at these giant predators that are fighting each other over territory in the middle of people's cities, and these people aren't freaking out. 0.99

02:04:35.000 They've just decided.

02:04:36.000 And this is like before they stopped the bear hunt.

02:04:38.000 When the new governor got into place, one of the things he was running on was he was going to stop bear hunting.

02:04:43.000 And he got in and he did.

02:04:44.000 He stopped bear hunting.

02:04:45.000 And they restarted it.

02:04:46.000 Yeah, they restarted it.

02:04:47.000 After a couple years, they're like, okay.

02:04:49.000 The population got out of control for a while.

02:04:51.000 It was already out of control. 1.00

02:04:53.000 You don't know what the fuck you're doing. 0.99

02:04:54.000 Like, look at these two. 1.00

02:04:56.000 Joey, I mean, this is someone's fucking yard. 1.00

02:04:58.000 Look at the size of these fuckers. 1.00

02:05:02.000 And they're just duking it out in front of a mailbox. 1.00

02:05:06.000 While this guy's car is parked.

02:05:08.000 I mean, this is nuts, man.

02:05:10.000 Fighting over a female.

02:05:15.000 Look at all the fur they're pulling off of each other. 0.99

02:05:18.000 I mean, that's in New Jersey.

02:05:20.000 You know, that's not Montana.

02:05:22.000 That's New Jersey.

02:05:23.000 That's crazy, bro.

02:05:24.000 New Jersey has the highest numbers of black bear per capita.

02:05:26.000 Are they bad?

02:05:27.000 They're not good.

02:05:29.000 It's not good.

02:05:30.000 Not good to have that many of them.

02:05:31.000 It kills everything.

02:05:33.000 They'll kill small dogs. 1.00

02:05:34.000 They'll kill your deer population.

02:05:37.000 They'll kill a lot of the things that you like. 0.55

02:05:40.000 They're gonna cannibalize each other for sure if they get to certain numbers. 0.98

02:05:43.000 They already do that. 0.98

02:05:44.000 The males already kill cubs. 1.00

02:05:46.000 They're monsters. 1.00

02:05:48.000 They're fucking monsters. 1.00

02:05:49.000 They're not teddy bears. 1.00

02:05:50.000 I mean, they're cool.

02:05:51.000 It's nice that they exist.

02:05:53.000 I wouldn't want to eradicate them, but you have to keep them in control.

02:05:56.000 Now, do you know that I'm closer to Philly than I am to Atlantic City?

02:06:00.000 Yeah.

02:06:00.000 I'm 44 minutes from Philly.

02:06:02.000 Yeah.

02:06:03.000 And I'm an hour five.

02:06:04.000 Nah, an hour.

02:06:05.000 You should do a residency in Philly.

02:06:07.000 No.

02:06:07.000 That's the move.

02:06:08.000 Yeah.

02:06:09.000 That's the move.

02:06:10.000 I love Philly.

02:06:11.000 Philly's awesome.

02:06:11.000 Bro, I go to basketball games.

02:06:13.000 I go to baseball games there in Philly. 0.99

02:06:15.000 I had a fucking great time. 0.95

02:06:17.000 Yeah, you could just do a couple days a week in Philly if you wanted to. 0.99

02:06:20.000 Doug, last time I went to Philly, I went with a bunch of kids and their parents, you know.

02:06:25.000 And I look over in Philadelphia, and I swear to God, again, there's no hate for me.

02:06:29.000 I see two guys swapping spit in the chair.

02:06:33.000 I didn't say a word.

02:06:34.000 I go, I wonder how long this is going to last.

02:06:37.000 Bro, they don't play in Philly. 1.00

02:06:39.000 They say shit to you. 1.00

02:06:41.000 What were they saying to these guys? 1.00

02:06:42.000 Ah!

02:06:44.000 Not good things. 0.99

02:06:46.000 Get the fuck out of the seats. 1.00

02:06:48.000 There's kids around here, you nasty motherfuckers. 1.00

02:06:51.000 This one black dude was going off. 1.00

02:06:53.000 Wow. 0.99

02:06:53.000 Off, you know. 0.99

02:06:55.000 Another time I saw, I went to a game, I don't know what I saw, and they just don't play in Philly.

02:07:01.000 That's a bold move to do that in a sports... 0.98

02:07:05.000 Philadelphia's a little fucking rough, bro. 0.98

02:07:08.000 I remember one time I did a show in Philly. 0.99

02:07:09.000 I didn't even go in.

02:07:10.000 When I finished, I just jumped into the audience.

02:07:13.000 There was no sense of going in the back.

02:07:15.000 Because they weren't going to have it.

02:07:17.000 They were going to kick that door down.

02:07:19.000 There was no sense in me going in the back.

02:07:21.000 They weren't going to be here.

02:07:22.000 I just jumped out into the audience.

02:07:23.000 They caught me.

02:07:24.000 And it was just, do whatever you need to do. 0.99

02:07:28.000 You guys are fucking great. 0.94

02:07:30.000 Yeah, Philly's a fun city. 0.99

02:07:33.000 It was always a good place to go through.

02:07:35.000 Always a good place for pool, too.

02:07:37.000 Think about the things that come out of Philly.

02:07:38.000 A lot of boxers, a lot of pool players.

02:07:41.000 It was always good pool halls in Philly.

02:07:43.000 They still have a lot of them.

02:07:46.000 Yeah, Fusco still has a place.

02:07:48.000 Jimmy Fusco.

02:07:50.000 Was it Jimmy or Pete?

02:07:52.000 One of those guys who was a top-level pool player had a place in FUSCO's pool hall.

02:08:01.000 I know I played there with...

02:08:03.000 I'm pretty sure I played there with Tommy.

02:08:05.000 Bro, he took me to...

02:08:06.000 The cop I know from Newark took me to a place one night to see where some...

02:08:12.000 Jackie Gleason used to do comedy there.

02:08:15.000 Really? 1.00

02:08:16.000 Fuck yeah. 1.00

02:08:17.000 It's still there. 1.00

02:08:18.000 Some bar. 0.99

02:08:19.000 It's like fucking, they renovated it. 0.99

02:08:22.000 Here, Fusco's the spot. 1.00

02:08:24.000 Yeah.

02:08:25.000 Which Fusco owns that?

02:08:26.000 Does it say?

02:08:28.000 Jimmy Fusco died.

02:08:30.000 Okay, scroll up.

02:08:30.000 It said he died.

02:08:32.000 2017. Yeah.

02:08:36.000 But great, great fucking old school pool hall. 0.99

02:08:39.000 Real pool hall. 0.97

02:08:41.000 It's just how crazy that area, how much, you know, it's like I finally watched the show because I read a book and then I said, let me watch the show, Boardwalk Empire.

02:08:52.000 I don't know if you ever watched that.

02:08:54.000 I watched a little bit of it.

02:08:55.000 It's good.

02:08:55.000 Very interesting.

02:08:56.000 Yeah.

02:08:57.000 Because very interesting.

02:08:58.000 It went, it took the history of Atlantic City and then the last two seasons it touched on the Hagues. 0.98

02:09:05.000 And the Hagues were, like, fucking huge. 0.85

02:09:07.000 And that's where I went for my surgery one time when I was a kid. 0.98

02:09:12.000 Margaret Hague.

02:09:12.000 No, no, no, no.

02:09:13.000 That's where you gave birth to kids. 1.00

02:09:15.000 I went to Christ Hospital.

02:09:17.000 Margaret Hague was a hospital in Jersey City, and they were all related. 0.99

02:09:22.000 So I just followed that, and I just started reading all that Philadelphia shit. 0.98

02:09:26.000 Like, there's a town by me called Highland. 0.99

02:09:29.000 Highland, New Jersey.

02:09:30.000 They just built a ferry to take you from Highland to New York City. 0.99

02:09:33.000 That's where fucking Vito Genovese lived. 1.00

02:09:36.000 I didn't know this shit. 1.00

02:09:37.000 All those towns have a rich fucking history of just everything. 1.00

02:09:42.000 Pool, gangsters, fucking food. 1.00

02:09:45.000 The fucking food down in Jersey now is fucking tremendous, Joe. 1.00

02:09:52.000 Yeah, it's a different kind of food. 1.00

02:09:53.000 That East Coast Italian food?

02:09:55.000 That's different.

02:09:56.000 But everybody has a different type of East Coast.

02:09:58.000 Like, if you go to El Nido, they got the nice chicken, they got the pasta, the steaks, and that's that place. 0.99

02:10:04.000 I go to another place, I just go there for the fucking... 0.97

02:10:07.000 I go to Osteria just for the... 0.99

02:10:10.000 What do you like?

02:10:11.000 The beans with the grass, the lettuce...

02:10:16.000 Pasta azul?

02:10:16.000 The other one.

02:10:18.000 Escarole and beans.

02:10:18.000 Oh, okay.

02:10:22.000 There's times I work out and I just go straight there.

02:10:25.000 Water with lemon and a bowl of escarole soup with beans. 0.99

02:10:29.000 And they put little bits of fucking prosciutto in there or that ham or something. 0.99

02:10:34.000 Oh my God, Joe. 1.00

02:10:35.000 I don't even need the fucking sauce and the spaghetti no more. 0.99

02:10:38.000 I'm on to a different... 1.00

02:10:40.000 And my neighbor, out of all those restaurants, bro, they're all great, but my neighbor Jody Puma probably outcooks all those motherfuckers. 1.00

02:10:47.000 Really? 1.00

02:10:47.000 Yeah, Jody Puma's the baddest motherfucker I know. 1.00

02:10:50.000 She don't cook much because she works in the city. 1.00

02:10:52.000 I gotta go over there and torture her. 1.00

02:10:54.000 And say, Jody, what the fuck? 1.00

02:10:55.000 I'm in the mood for Bolognese or something. 1.00

02:10:57.000 Off the chain, bro.

02:10:59.000 Off the chain, you know?

02:11:00.000 There used to be a lot of good places near White Plains.

02:11:03.000 And then you went to that sandwich place.

02:11:05.000 He gave you a shout-out the other day.

02:11:07.000 Oh, yeah, G&R Deli.

02:11:08.000 Yeah.

02:11:08.000 That place is great.

02:11:09.000 That sandwich was fucking huge. 0.99

02:11:11.000 I can't eat those no more, Joe. 1.00

02:11:13.000 You can eat it once.

02:11:14.000 What you do is you just don't eat anything that day.

02:11:16.000 I can't, bro.

02:11:18.000 Wet moots. 0.99

02:11:19.000 I love wet moots. 1.00

02:11:21.000 But you gotta give it a fucking... 1.00

02:11:22.000 Oh, my God. 1.00

02:11:23.000 You can't eat that?

02:11:24.000 There's a place that gets...

02:11:26.000 I go to the same...

02:11:28.000 Osteria.

02:11:28.000 When they bring the wet moots, you just put black pepper on it.

02:11:31.000 Mmm.

02:11:32.000 Jesus Christ, Joe.

02:11:34.000 A little bit of olive oil.

02:11:35.000 Me and Vic went one time and we got that.

02:11:37.000 Me and Vic were like, oh my God.

02:11:40.000 The cheese tastes so good. 1.00

02:11:41.000 But that shit I used to eat, like prosciutto on mozzarella with a fucking... 1.00

02:11:48.000 I can't do that no more. 1.00

02:11:49.000 No?

02:11:50.000 Too much of a sandwich, man.

02:11:52.000 Well, what have you done when you've tried to manipulate your diet?

02:11:57.000 I know you did Weight Watchers for a while, and you lost a bunch of weight.

02:12:02.000 But then, have you ever tried different kinds of diets?

02:12:05.000 Have you ever tried keto or low carb?

02:12:08.000 I would do the keto, but I can't eat that much meat in a day.

02:12:13.000 Like this morning I got three pieces of bacon, I ate two.

02:12:16.000 What about eggs?

02:12:18.000 Do you eat eggs? 1.00

02:12:18.000 Yeah, like a motherfucker. 1.00

02:12:19.000 Well, if you wanted to try something that would help you lose weight, just eliminate all the sugar in bread. 1.00

02:12:26.000 Just eliminate all that stuff.

02:12:28.000 Just eat only things that are either like vegetables or meat.

02:12:31.000 Just only that.

02:12:32.000 I've been working a lot on fasting.

02:12:34.000 Yeah?

02:12:35.000 It took me a while.

02:12:36.000 How long do you do?

02:12:37.000 I could eat at seven and then not eat lunch till four.

02:12:43.000 I'm down to two meals a day and a protein shake.

02:12:45.000 That's what I'm down to right now.

02:12:47.000 I don't eat.

02:12:48.000 That lunch was huge. 1.00

02:12:49.000 When your plate came, I was like, I hope that's not my fucking plate. 0.99

02:12:54.000 I hope, even though those ribs look fucking killer. 0.99

02:12:56.000 They're good. 0.99

02:12:57.000 Tremendous.

02:12:58.000 I can't do it no more.

02:13:00.000 I could get like an eight ounce, ten ounce steak.

02:13:04.000 Now, that's the most meat I could eat at night, you know.

02:13:07.000 Today I had turkey and the brisket. 0.99

02:13:09.000 It was fucking delicious. 0.99

02:13:10.000 I eat avocado toast for breakfast. 0.99

02:13:12.000 Three eggs, avocado toast, and a fruit bowl.

02:13:15.000 That's my breakfast, dog.

02:13:17.000 That's good.

02:13:18.000 That's a good start.

02:13:19.000 That's a good way to get going.

02:13:21.000 In my world, that's great.

02:13:22.000 Yeah.

02:13:23.000 Where I come from?

02:13:24.000 Yeah.

02:13:25.000 Six eggs, white bread.

02:13:28.000 A stick of butter and a pack of bacon and then an hour after that go to McDonald's before 11. I'd say that's a big fucking change, my friend. 0.98

02:13:36.000 Yeah, it's a big change. 0.98

02:13:37.000 It's a big change. 0.99

02:13:38.000 The big one is if you can just cut the bullshit out. 0.99

02:13:40.000 Instead of the avocado toast, dude, go with something else. 1.00

02:13:43.000 Just cut that bread out. 0.59

02:13:45.000 That'll help you a lot.

02:13:46.000 I like avocado.

02:13:47.000 I'll eat avocado without the bread.

02:13:48.000 Good.

02:13:48.000 Eat the avocado.

02:13:49.000 The avocado's great for you, but the bread is just never good for you.

02:13:53.000 Not good.

02:13:53.000 And that's why I said, now they're making these sandwiches, bro, in Jersey.

02:13:57.000 They're like this. 0.99

02:13:59.000 It's a fucking wet mooch, chicken cutlet, you know, something else. 1.00

02:14:05.000 You smash it together and you can barely get your mouth around it. 1.00

02:14:08.000 And that fucking semolina bread. 1.00

02:14:10.000 I'll stab three motherfuckers for that. 1.00

02:14:12.000 That shit is good. 1.00

02:14:13.000 And that's the one thing, those Staten Island motherfuckers did not help my area. 1.00

02:14:17.000 Because they brought some serious food into Jersey. 0.99

02:14:21.000 And I mean serious.

02:14:22.000 There's a deli in Staten Island called Raw Crown.

02:14:28.000 Joe Rogan, they're chocolate bread. 0.99

02:14:31.000 When people, the lady brings up, thank God they're not in my fucking name. 0.99

02:14:35.000 Chocolate bread? 0.99

02:14:36.000 Chocolate Italian bread.

02:14:37.000 What is that?

02:14:38.000 What did I just say?

02:14:39.000 It's Italian bread with little pieces of chocolate in it, all through the bread.

02:14:45.000 And then they have prosciutto bread, and they have mozzarella bread, and they have...

02:14:49.000 Wow.

02:14:50.000 Dog, my neighbor, one night I was in the basement getting high by myself, and I'm like, man, I could eat something.

02:14:56.000 And something made me go outside, and I saw a loaf of bread. 0.99

02:14:59.000 And I go, what the fuck is this? 0.99

02:15:01.000 I brought in and said, Joey, a chocolate bread from Staten Island. 0.99

02:15:05.000 My mother brought it for you.

02:15:06.000 I brought it in the house. 1.00

02:15:07.000 I took a bite of that motherfucker. 1.00

02:15:09.000 Holy shit! 1.00

02:15:10.000 She goes, did you like it? 1.00

02:15:11.000 I go, did I fucking like it? 0.99

02:15:13.000 It was fucking tremendous. 0.99

02:15:15.000 Chocolate bread. 0.99

02:15:16.000 Prosciutto bread.

02:15:17.000 Oh my god, look at that. 1.00

02:15:18.000 Look at this shit, Joe. 1.00

02:15:19.000 That looks so good. 1.00

02:15:20.000 And listen, I do it, I eat one piece.

02:15:22.000 But you're supposed to get that, cut it, and then put it in the oven, then put, yeah, a nice piece of chocolate.

02:15:29.000 Yeah, that's me. 1.00

02:15:30.000 Look at that motherfucker. 1.00

02:15:32.000 Italian bread with chocolate in it. 1.00

02:15:34.000 So you want to tell me how hard it is to be me?

02:15:37.000 I'm getting nervous just hearing that.

02:15:38.000 You want to tell me how hard it is to be me?

02:15:40.000 And you're supposed to cut it and put butter on it.

02:15:42.000 I just cut a piece and eat it and give the rest to my daughter and my wife.

02:15:46.000 I got to get out of here. 1.00

02:15:48.000 I would eat that whole motherfucker for sure. 1.00

02:15:50.000 Dog! 1.00

02:15:50.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:15:51.000 Dog! 0.71

02:15:52.000 When you walk into Royal Crown, they have a section just for mortadella.

02:15:59.000 What they could do with mortadella.

02:16:01.000 That's when you know you have a problem.

02:16:04.000 Then they just move down the line.

02:16:05.000 If you want a cap of coal, everything is to kill you. 0.99

02:16:08.000 But it's fucking delicious. 1.00

02:16:10.000 But it's fucking delicious. 0.99

02:16:13.000 Yeah, they don't have any of that out here. 0.99

02:16:15.000 Like that kind of an Italian deli.

02:16:16.000 Yet.

02:16:17.000 Not enough Italian. 1.00

02:16:18.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:16:18.000 You know, if those guys from G&R Deli opened up a shop out here, they'd fucking kill it. 1.00

02:16:23.000 They made those same sandwiches out here. 1.00

02:16:24.000 And they import a lot of their shit from Italy anyway. 0.99

02:16:28.000 But look at Rayo's just opened in Vegas. 0.99

02:16:30.000 What is that?

02:16:31.000 Rayo's just opened in Vegas.

02:16:32.000 Rayo's?

02:16:33.000 Like the famous restaurant from New York, Rayo's.

02:16:35.000 Okay.

02:16:36.000 R-A-O-S. Yeah. 1.00

02:16:37.000 They have one in L.A. Yeah, you could do it in Vegas, for sure.

02:16:41.000 But they opened up in Vegas, you know.

02:16:44.000 People are spreading out, so that's good.

02:16:46.000 They did.

02:16:46.000 They just opened up a Peter Luger's in Vegas.

02:16:50.000 Yes, yes.

02:16:50.000 That's what it was.

02:16:51.000 I'm sorry.

02:16:52.000 It was Peter Luger.

02:16:53.000 Oh, yeah.

02:16:53.000 Okay.

02:16:54.000 That's a big deal. 1.00

02:16:55.000 That place is the shit. 1.00

02:16:57.000 If I'm ever in Brooklyn, I'm eating at Peter Luger's. 1.00

02:17:00.000 I always go.

02:17:01.000 That place rules.

02:17:01.000 Last time I went, I went with Ari.

02:17:03.000 Oh. 0.99

02:17:03.000 I caught a 4 o'clock fucking dinner reservation. 0.99

02:17:06.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:17:06.000 Let's do it. 1.00

02:17:07.000 Let's do it.

02:17:08.000 That place is great.

02:17:09.000 They got a bad review in the New York Times or something like that.

02:17:12.000 Me and Ari had just gone there. 0.99

02:17:14.000 And we're like, what the fuck are they talking about? 0.99

02:17:18.000 It was fantastic. 0.99

02:17:20.000 It was so good.

02:17:21.000 The steak comes over.

02:17:22.000 It's crackling.

02:17:23.000 The butter's dripping all over it.

02:17:25.000 It's cut all over for you.

02:17:25.000 You take a slice of it.

02:17:26.000 You're like, it's perfect.

02:17:27.000 It's the perfect steak.

02:17:29.000 And you're getting the smell from the plate.

02:17:31.000 The plate's coming out of the oven where they finish it.

02:17:36.000 Don't touch the plate, it's hot, okay? 0.98

02:17:38.000 It's fucking amazing. 0.99

02:17:40.000 Amazing. 0.99

02:17:41.000 That place rules.

02:17:41.000 And it's right there.

02:17:42.000 It's easy to get there.

02:17:43.000 I'd rather go there than go to the city.

02:17:45.000 There's a video, like a documentary on how they pick their cattle.

02:17:50.000 There's like a documentary on steak, and the Peter Luger part is like a big part of it. 0.98

02:17:55.000 Because these people are trying to figure out why the fuck are these steaks so good. 0.86

02:17:58.000 Like people from other countries were coming to study how Peter Luger's making their steaks. 0.99

02:18:04.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:18:05.000 That fucking place is tremendous. 1.00

02:18:07.000 So they take you through the entire step, like how much they age it, what they do, and you go to how they treat it. 1.00

02:18:14.000 So they get it down to the size and they trim it. 0.99

02:18:17.000 I mean, they've been doing this shit for a hundred years. 0.98

02:18:22.000 Peter Luger's is from the 1800s, I think. 0.99

02:18:24.000 Like, when did that place open?

02:18:25.000 Who showed us if they had a credit card from Peter Luger?

02:18:28.000 I don't know.

02:18:29.000 Somebody we hung out.

02:18:30.000 They're dead.

02:18:30.000 See, look, they just put salt on it.

02:18:32.000 That's it.

02:18:33.000 And they get it in one of those broilers.

02:18:35.000 So they have those broilers where the flame is above the steak.

02:18:38.000 You know, so it's not like direct heat on the steak where the fat is dripping down.

02:18:43.000 You get flare-ups.

02:18:44.000 No, the flame is above the steak.

02:18:46.000 And then they flip it.

02:18:48.000 And then they slice it up.

02:18:49.000 And then they put it on a plate.

02:18:51.000 And then once they slice it up and put it on a plate, then they put it in the oven.

02:18:55.000 And they finish it in the oven.

02:18:58.000 Oh my goodness, dude.

02:19:00.000 See, they do it like that.

02:19:02.000 They put it on a plate.

02:19:03.000 Finish. 1.00

02:19:04.000 Motherfucker. 1.00

02:19:05.000 And when they pull that bitch out, it's just... 1.00

02:19:07.000 So that's her right now setting it up. 0.99

02:19:15.000 Then they bring it out to these people.

02:19:17.000 Look at that.

02:19:17.000 They put the drippings on there.

02:19:19.000 Come on, son.

02:19:20.000 Come on.

02:19:21.000 Sensational.

02:19:23.000 Should we get out of here?

02:19:24.000 You done? 1.00

02:19:25.000 No, no, I was just looking and my daughter sent me a picture of her fucking sledding. 1.00

02:19:31.000 Is it snowing in Jersey right now? 1.00

02:19:32.000 Fuck, 6 in the morning. 0.99

02:19:34.000 When I woke up this morning, I already had a notice that they closed school. 1.00

02:19:37.000 School was supposed to be a half day, but it started snowing at 6 in the fucking morning. 0.99

02:19:41.000 And they went to... 0.99

02:19:42.000 It's still snowing, bro.

02:19:44.000 I loved snow days when I was a kid.

02:19:45.000 They were the best.

02:19:46.000 That's when you hustled.

02:19:48.000 That's when we made money.

02:19:49.000 You made money, but also you get to stay home. 1.00

02:19:51.000 You look out the window, you're like, fuck yeah. 0.99

02:19:53.000 No school. 1.00

02:19:54.000 I ain't doing that turn paper tonight and shit. 1.00

02:19:56.000 Yeah, get the fuck away from me. 1.00

02:19:58.000 Because now they tell you the day before. 0.99

02:20:01.000 You do it online.

02:20:01.000 Now you'd have to do your homework online.

02:20:03.000 These kids, they tell you the day before.

02:20:04.000 There's no action.

02:20:05.000 With us, we had to wait until like 11.30.

02:20:07.000 Then you got a call from somebody, hey, my dad just heard they're going to cancel school, so... 1.00

02:20:11.000 Fuck that term paper. 0.99

02:20:13.000 Those are the best when you get a call from people, you know? 1.00

02:20:16.000 Dude, school's canceled. 1.00

02:20:17.000 Fuck! 1.00

02:20:17.000 Yes! 1.00

02:20:18.000 How do you know? 1.00

02:20:19.000 Because my dad just killed a fucking guy. 1.00

02:20:21.000 Yeah, you gotta take people's word for it. 1.00

02:20:23.000 There was times where we thought school was canceled, it wasn't. 0.98

02:20:25.000 Like, are they fucking serious?

02:20:27.000 And then you're like, for sure they're gonna cancel. 0.98

02:20:30.000 Look at the snow.

02:20:30.000 They're gonna cancel.

02:20:31.000 And the snow stops, and school's still on.

02:20:34.000 Like, you mother. 0.99

02:20:35.000 Yeah, but there was a lot of days when we grew up where it snowed, but they didn't give a fuck. 0.99

02:20:40.000 They were going to school. 0.98

02:20:41.000 It had to be bad.

02:20:42.000 It had to be bad.

02:20:43.000 Now, they just get the threat of snow.

02:20:46.000 Yeah.

02:20:47.000 It's canceled. 0.99

02:20:48.000 You wake up the next day and there's an inch, and you're like, what the fuck are these people doing? 0.99

02:20:51.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:20:52.000 Roll that joint in front of the microphone.

02:20:53.000 Why?

02:20:54.000 Because I can't hear you.

02:20:56.000 Oh, I'm sorry.

02:20:57.000 It's okay.

02:20:58.000 There you go.

02:21:01.000 No, so that's the problem, that you...

02:21:03.000 Do you ever roll blunts or do you only roll joints?

02:21:07.000 You know I got pneumonia last summer.

02:21:09.000 Did you?

02:21:10.000 Yeah, that's why I have a hard time breathing now.

02:21:12.000 How'd you get pneumonia? 0.99

02:21:14.000 I had no fucking idea. 0.99

02:21:15.000 Pneumonia, rather. 0.99

02:21:16.000 Pneumonia.

02:21:17.000 Joe, everything was going great.

02:21:19.000 Yeah?

02:21:20.000 What happened?

02:21:21.000 Something?

02:21:22.000 Oh, I was getting shortness of breath. 1.00

02:21:24.000 What the fuck? 1.00

02:21:25.000 So I went to the doctor. 1.00

02:21:27.000 First they told me I had a kidney stone.

02:21:29.000 Then I went and got a scan for the kidney stone.

02:21:31.000 There was no kidney stone.

02:21:33.000 But they saw something else, and they made me go in for a lung x-ray. 0.99

02:21:39.000 And at the lung x-ray is where they fucking were like, you got a fucking pneumonia. 0.99

02:21:44.000 I didn't know. 0.99

02:21:45.000 It took like three weeks to find out.

02:21:47.000 Bro, I couldn't walk to my mailbox, Joe. 0.99

02:21:50.000 I'd walk to my mailbox, and I'd be huffing and fucking puffing. 0.96

02:21:53.000 How'd you get rid of it? 0.99

02:21:55.000 The blunts.

02:21:55.000 No.

02:21:56.000 Oh, the blunts were giving it to you?

02:21:57.000 Yeah.

02:21:58.000 How many blunts were you smoking?

02:22:00.000 Two.

02:22:01.000 But that's not...

02:22:02.000 I'm not a cigar guy.

02:22:04.000 I'm the only Cuban. 0.99

02:22:05.000 I'm looking at your fucking cigar collection before, and I'm like, I'm the only fucking Cuban that has no... 1.00

02:22:10.000 I love a cigar. 1.00

02:22:12.000 Ron White gave me these little ones.

02:22:13.000 These are little cigars.

02:22:15.000 So if you don't want to have a whole cigar, you just want a little puff, it's little Monte Cristo's.

02:22:21.000 And those are really good, too.

02:22:22.000 Yeah.

02:22:22.000 Those are the best.

02:22:23.000 Oh, yeah, it's good.

02:22:24.000 It's good tobacco.

02:22:25.000 But it's so that you don't have to finish the cigar.

02:22:27.000 You just want a little puff. 1.00

02:22:28.000 Those fucking cigars are too big. 1.00

02:22:29.000 They get me dizzy. 1.00

02:22:31.000 So...

02:22:31.000 It's just a little puff.

02:22:32.000 I don't know.

02:22:33.000 Something was just bothering me.

02:22:35.000 And I... What else can I be doing?

02:22:37.000 Yeah, that's not good for you.

02:22:38.000 You know, I would love for you to get healthier.

02:22:42.000 And I know at one point in time, like I said, you'd lost a lot of weight.

02:22:45.000 You lost...

02:22:46.000 What did you lose?

02:22:47.000 I mean, you must have lost close to 80 pounds.

02:22:49.000 Yeah.

02:22:50.000 What'd you lose at one point in time?

02:22:52.000 I started at four something.

02:22:54.000 But there's one time in the Weight Watchers time where it was pretty quickly.

02:22:58.000 It was over like a period of 10 months.

02:23:00.000 Yeah.

02:23:00.000 Everybody was like, look how good Joey looks.

02:23:02.000 Yeah.

02:23:03.000 And dog, I still look good. 1.00

02:23:05.000 Don't get confused, motherfucker. 1.00

02:23:07.000 For 60, I still look fucking good. 1.00

02:23:10.000 You've had a hard 60, son. 0.98

02:23:11.000 I should have looked like Ozzy Osbourne right now.

02:23:13.000 You've had a rough 60. I mean, you've had 60. You put some fucking miles on your wheels.

02:23:18.000 It was 60. I didn't know what my life was about until I read that book. 1.00

02:23:23.000 And then I read it, and I was like, I gotta take a breather.

02:23:28.000 Yeah, you've had an extraordinary life, my friend.

02:23:30.000 And that's why when I moved to Jersey, I said, you know what, man, it's time for me just to chill for a while.

02:23:36.000 I wanted to get out of the train of thought I had of comedy.

02:23:39.000 That old mentality I had, I wanted to give that a breathe.

02:23:42.000 I couldn't get away from it.

02:23:43.000 I couldn't get away from it.

02:23:44.000 So for once, I wanted to start fresh, man.

02:23:47.000 I looked at it, what I needed to do.

02:23:50.000 Everybody kept asking me, did you quit comedy?

02:23:51.000 No! 0.99

02:23:53.000 No, I'm just taking a fucking breather. 0.99

02:23:55.000 There's nothing wrong with taking a breather. 1.00

02:23:56.000 Just taking a fucking extended breather. 0.99

02:23:58.000 I want to know what the fuck happened the last 40 years. 1.00

02:24:01.000 Is that okay? 1.00

02:24:03.000 I started this journey in 1983, and all of a sudden, 2020, I'm at the store with a bunch of fucking killers. 0.99

02:24:09.000 I wasn't pre-programmed for this. 0.99

02:24:11.000 I was pre-programmed to be in jail by now. 1.00

02:24:13.000 What am I doing at the store with a bunch of fucking killers doing comedy? 1.00

02:24:17.000 And they're talking to me, and we're laughing. 1.00

02:24:18.000 It's not like I didn't earn it. 0.98

02:24:20.000 It's not like my mother owned the fucking joint, and she just gave me a spot there. 0.99

02:24:24.000 We earned those things. 1.00

02:24:25.000 You know, what the fuck happened? 0.99

02:24:27.000 I was a guy that was in prison. 0.99

02:24:28.000 They told me, it's not going to work out for you.

02:24:32.000 And here we are today. 1.00

02:24:33.000 So I had to go process this shit. 1.00

02:24:36.000 You know, I had to go process a lot of fucking things. 1.00

02:24:39.000 You know, when I was a kid and my mother died, I had to lie to myself. 1.00

02:24:43.000 Oh shit. 0.99

02:24:47.000 Sorry, I got no glasses. 0.99

02:24:48.000 You know, when I was a kid, I had to lie to myself.

02:24:52.000 When my mother died, I had to say she's just leaving for a couple of years.

02:24:56.000 That's the only way I could deal with it.

02:24:58.000 She's just going away for a couple of years.

02:25:00.000 I'll bump into her in a couple of years.

02:25:02.000 I'll bump into her in a couple of years.

02:25:03.000 When I went back to Jersey, dog, it hit me. 1.00

02:25:06.000 Like, I lied to myself all those fucking years. 0.99

02:25:09.000 Yeah, it's just a coping mechanism, right? 1.00

02:25:10.000 It was a coping mechanism I used just to soothe my fucking soul. 0.99

02:25:15.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:25:15.000 I got back to Jersey. 0.99

02:25:16.000 I went up to the cemetery one day and I go, what the fuck is this? 0.99

02:25:20.000 She never came back. 0.99

02:25:21.000 And I was, like, pissed about it. 0.98

02:25:23.000 Like, retarded. 1.00

02:25:23.000 Like, she never made a comeback. 1.00

02:25:25.000 And I'm like, Joey, what the fuck did you do? 1.00

02:25:28.000 You buried yourself in that shit that you were going to bump into one day on Burger Line Avenue or some shit, you know? 1.00

02:25:35.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:25:36.000 So that was hard.

02:25:37.000 You know, a lot of things.

02:25:38.000 It's good to take a break off comedy just to really try to figure out what your actual perspective really is.

02:25:44.000 Listen, bro, I was in an environment that I don't thrive in. 1.00

02:25:48.000 I was in an environment with a lot of fake motherfuckers. 1.00

02:25:51.000 I was in an environment where I did time. 1.00

02:25:54.000 I grew up around people who were very dangerous.

02:25:57.000 The people I was around in L.A. were more dangerous because I knew where I stand with these other people.

02:26:03.000 With these people in L.A., these agents, you don't know where you stand. 0.99

02:26:06.000 You have no fucking idea. 0.98

02:26:08.000 Well, you kind of know what they are. 1.00

02:26:10.000 You know what they are.

02:26:12.000 That's that old Mike Tyson expression.

02:26:14.000 It's okay to have a snake in the room as long as you keep the lights on.

02:26:19.000 You know what they are.

02:26:20.000 You just have to know who you are.

02:26:22.000 And I think you were coming from this place where you almost felt like you didn't belong.

02:26:27.000 I remember when I first met you.

02:26:30.000 That was Joey Criminal days.

02:26:33.000 It was fun, man.

02:26:34.000 Because I remember I met you and I was like, oh, finally, there's someone like people that I used to know.

02:26:40.000 You were like the first guy that I ran into like, oh, this is like Joey from the pool hall.

02:26:45.000 This is like Joey from the boxing gym.

02:26:47.000 You were like the people that I knew from the East Coast, the wild people that were fun.

02:26:52.000 And people didn't like you.

02:26:55.000 People were scared of you.

02:26:56.000 I was like, that guy's great.

02:26:58.000 I mean, it's kind of funny over the years, because I had arguments with agents about you.

02:27:04.000 They're like, he doesn't have any talent. 1.00

02:27:05.000 I'm like, you're out of your fucking mind. 1.00

02:27:07.000 I'm like, you're out of your mind. 1.00

02:27:08.000 I go, I know what comedy is and he makes me laugh harder than anybody I've ever seen.

02:27:12.000 So he's wild and crazy.

02:27:14.000 Yeah, that's what you get. 1.00

02:27:15.000 That's the kind of person that does that kind of comedy, stupid. 1.00

02:27:18.000 You don't even know what you sell. 1.00

02:27:20.000 You're out here selling comedy.

02:27:21.000 You don't even know how it's created.

02:27:23.000 It's created by wild people.

02:27:25.000 Whether it's wild intellectually, wild physically, just a different group of people that are going to create something that's going to make you laugh that hard.

02:27:34.000 You know, man, it was fucking crazy those first couple of years there and how people would look at me.

02:27:39.000 I remember one day an agent stole a check from me and I said, I'm going to come down and get it. 0.98

02:27:43.000 When I got there, the door was shut and he stuck the check on the fucking wall and said, don't come in here. 0.97

02:27:49.000 And then 10 years later, he signed me again. 0.99

02:27:52.000 I bumped into him at a vet place and we were talking.

02:27:54.000 He goes, I'll come back.

02:27:55.000 That's funny.

02:27:56.000 I had a hard time there.

02:27:58.000 Well, you were raw, man.

02:27:59.000 You were a raw dude.

02:28:00.000 Gotta be.

02:28:01.000 You reminded me a lot of my friend Johnny.

02:28:04.000 You know?

02:28:05.000 Because Johnny was like you.

02:28:06.000 He was like a brilliant guy that struggled with substances.

02:28:10.000 Brilliant guy.

02:28:11.000 Johnny was like one of the smartest people I'd ever met.

02:28:13.000 He was a pool hustler.

02:28:15.000 And so I didn't know anybody like that.

02:28:16.000 Just a dangerous dude. 1.00

02:28:20.000 Just always doing wild shit. 1.00

02:28:21.000 I didn't know anybody like that over here until I met you. 0.99

02:28:25.000 And then I met you.

02:28:25.000 I was like, oh, alright.

02:28:27.000 Because in comedy, we were getting a lot of people that were essentially auditioning for sitcoms.

02:28:32.000 What they wanted to do was figure out a way to transfer what they're doing on stage into a lucrative sitcom.

02:28:40.000 Everybody wanted that.

02:28:42.000 That was the golden ring.

02:28:43.000 Everybody wanted the sitcom.

02:28:45.000 Everybody wanted a development deal.

02:28:47.000 So a lot of guys really only had 10-15 minutes, and that 15 minutes was just them sort of like setting up their life for a sitcom.

02:28:55.000 It was almost like they told you where they were from.

02:28:58.000 You know, I was born in Brooklyn, New York, and this and that.

02:29:00.000 And they were basically like doing an audition for a sitcom on stage.

02:29:03.000 We weren't doing that.

02:29:04.000 We were doing a different thing.

02:29:05.000 We were doing a different thing.

02:29:06.000 We were doing what our idols were doing.

02:29:09.000 We were doing what Pryor did.

02:29:10.000 We were doing what Kinison did.

02:29:11.000 We were trying to find our path with what we think I didn't appreciate that when people said you have to present the set on stage that the agents could see a network TV show.

02:29:21.000 What are you talking about?

02:29:22.000 I'm going to tell you something else, too.

02:29:24.000 When I get this residency or when I start kicking with gas with comedy again, not podcasting no more.

02:29:30.000 How come?

02:29:31.000 Never again.

02:29:33.000 I'm ending this career as a stand-up.

02:29:35.000 But you can do both.

02:29:37.000 I don't want to do both.

02:29:38.000 You don't like it. 0.99

02:29:39.000 I want to end this career as a fucking stand-up. 1.00

02:29:42.000 But you are a stand-up. 1.00

02:29:43.000 No. 1.00

02:29:44.000 All this other shit. 1.00

02:29:46.000 No podcast. 1.00

02:29:47.000 Ads and all this shit. 0.99

02:29:48.000 No ads. 0.99

02:29:48.000 Let's do the last two years. 0.99

02:29:50.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:29:50.000 Fucking stand-up, motherfuckers. 1.00

02:29:53.000 That's why I want to do the residency. 1.00

02:29:54.000 That's why.

02:29:55.000 Because I'm ready just to do stand-up.

02:29:58.000 My phone ain't ringing for acting.

02:29:59.000 Listen, just come here and do a podcast.

02:30:01.000 My phone.

02:30:02.000 Any time you get a podcast, it's...

02:30:03.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:30:03.000 No, always.

02:30:05.000 And if you want to stay here and do a residency here, you could do that, too.

02:30:08.000 Absolutely.

02:30:09.000 I was going to talk to you about it.

02:30:10.000 Maybe come once a month.

02:30:11.000 100%.

02:30:11.000 Bro, do that little boy room.

02:30:14.000 That room is magic. 0.99

02:30:14.000 I heard it's fucking tremendous. 0.99

02:30:16.000 It's magic. 0.99

02:30:17.000 Jim Florentine loves that room.

02:30:20.000 That room's magic.

02:30:21.000 It's magic.

02:30:22.000 It's a magic little room. 0.98

02:30:23.000 And that room tells you what's real and what sucks. 0.89

02:30:26.000 Like the OR. Yeah, just like the OR. Yeah, like the OR. It's like a little bit of the OR and a little bit of the belly room. 0.97

02:30:30.000 It's like the belly room had sex with the OR and it created the little boy. 1.00

02:30:34.000 And then the main room had sex with the OR and created the big boy or fat man. 1.00

02:30:41.000 The big room is like a combination of the main room and the OR. It's just intimate enough, but also big enough. 0.97

02:30:48.000 Big laughs.

02:30:49.000 What's the main room set?

02:30:51.000 250. 110. That's it?

02:30:54.000 That's it. 0.99

02:30:55.000 That's why it's fucking tremendous. 0.98

02:30:57.000 Oh, it's so good, dude. 0.98

02:30:58.000 It's a little party. 1.00

02:30:59.000 A greedy motherfucker would have made that room 400 seats. 1.00

02:31:07.000 The whole setup from the very beginning of this club was never to make money. 1.00

02:31:13.000 If I can break even, I'm happy.

02:31:15.000 I want to make the best environment for developing stand-up comedy.

02:31:19.000 For both professionals and for amateurs.

02:31:22.000 And the best place for people to see it.

02:31:24.000 Where they can see, like, world-class people coming in every weekend.

02:31:28.000 Like, this weekend is Joe DeRosa.

02:31:30.000 He's there tonight and tomorrow.

02:31:32.000 We, you know, we've had Louis CK is the one that helped me design the place.

02:31:37.000 Dave Chappelle came by the first week.

02:31:39.000 We have Shane Gillis there all the time.

02:31:41.000 Ron White's there all the time.

02:31:43.000 Bryan Simpson's there all the time.

02:31:44.000 It's just killer after killer after killer.

02:31:46.000 Tony's there every Monday night.

02:31:48.000 We got it cooking exactly at the right temperature.

02:31:53.000 It's perfect.

02:31:53.000 The environment is super positive.

02:31:56.000 Everybody's doing really well.

02:31:57.000 All the door people are doing really well.

02:31:59.000 Everybody's killing it.

02:32:00.000 Now, who's in the main room tonight?

02:32:02.000 Tonight's Joe DeRosa.

02:32:03.000 And who's in the little room?

02:32:05.000 That's a good question.

02:32:06.000 But you could do a set, 100%.

02:32:07.000 They already said, if you want to do a set, come on down.

02:32:09.000 Yeah, let's see what's going on.

02:32:10.000 Yeah, because like a bunch of people stop by.

02:32:12.000 Tony Hinchcliffe will do a set.

02:32:13.000 He'll stop by and do sets.

02:32:15.000 People are dropping in all the time.

02:32:17.000 Like Giannis Pompas came up last night.

02:32:18.000 Pauly Shore was there on Tuesday night.

02:32:20.000 Pauly's killing it! 0.99

02:32:22.000 Paulie's killing it. 1.00

02:32:23.000 Paulie's loose and silly and having fun now. 0.99

02:32:27.000 He's having fun. 0.98

02:32:27.000 He's having a lot of fun. 0.98

02:32:28.000 And he was on the stage with the little boy and he came off stage and I grabbed him and I go, dude, that is as funny as I've seen you in a decade.

02:32:34.000 I go, that was so good.

02:32:36.000 And he was like, you see me at the store and I'm tense there.

02:32:39.000 He goes, it's just like, because it was such a part of my childhood and they kind of pushed him out.

02:32:44.000 Did you see this little thing?

02:32:45.000 Yeah.

02:32:45.000 Oh, he's playing Richard Simmons, right?

02:32:47.000 Yeah, so they announced that he's going to be in a full movie, but they also put out at the same time this little short, which is interesting.

02:32:55.000 It's only a minute long.

02:32:58.000 Paul, he's a different dude now.

02:32:59.000 It's cool to see.

02:33:01.000 He's a sweet guy.

02:33:02.000 He's fun to be around.

02:33:04.000 He is a sweet guy.

02:33:05.000 I check in with him.

02:33:08.000 Your weight doesn't matter.

02:33:09.000 If you like yourself, you're going to be fine.

02:33:19.000 This came from a meme online.

02:33:21.000 That's hilarious.

02:33:26.000 I think that's it for this.

02:33:33.000 Wow!

02:33:34.000 So it's gonna be a real movie.

02:33:36.000 He does look like him.

02:33:38.000 He looks a lot like him.

02:33:38.000 Yeah, he does look like him.

02:33:39.000 And Paulie can fucking act. 0.99

02:33:42.000 Paul can act. 0.99

02:33:43.000 I know he's done, like, the silly movies, like Encino Man and shit, but you give him an opportunity to do something like that, a lot of comics can act.

02:33:50.000 Bro, he's been around this game. 0.87

02:33:53.000 Forever. 1.00

02:33:53.000 50 fucking years. 1.00

02:33:54.000 Forever. 1.00

02:33:55.000 He has it all covered.

02:33:57.000 Yeah.

02:33:57.000 He saw him coming.

02:33:59.000 He's seen what happened to him.

02:34:01.000 It's also he's evolved as a person.

02:34:03.000 He's like a fun person to be around now.

02:34:05.000 He's very cool.

02:34:05.000 Very cool.

02:34:06.000 And he's really comfortable at the club.

02:34:08.000 He's been at the club a ton of times.

02:34:09.000 Did a weekend there recently, and he was just there Tuesday.

02:34:12.000 He was there Wednesday.

02:34:14.000 Doing the little room and the big room.

02:34:16.000 He's having a good time, man.

02:34:18.000 He's like loose now.

02:34:20.000 Like, he did Kill Tony on Monday night.

02:34:22.000 He sang a song.

02:34:23.000 He sang Bad to the Bone.

02:34:26.000 It's fun.

02:34:26.000 Were you there?

02:34:27.000 Yeah, I was there.

02:34:28.000 I brought Matt Lichtenberg down to Kill Tony so I could check it out.

02:34:33.000 I went to dinner and then I took him to the club.

02:34:35.000 Monday Night Special there.

02:34:37.000 That's a special show, man.

02:34:39.000 Harlan Williams was on fire.

02:34:41.000 Oh, my God.

02:34:42.000 Harlan was there last weekend and he was there for Kill Tony on Monday.

02:34:46.000 He was on fire.

02:34:47.000 He was on fire.

02:34:49.000 It's amazing.

02:34:50.000 It's just the vibe of the club is so fun.

02:34:53.000 I'm really proud of Tony and Red Band for what they did.

02:34:57.000 Dude, they sold out Madison Square Garden two nights in a row.

02:35:00.000 They sold out the HEB Center here two nights in a row.

02:35:03.000 They sold out big arenas.

02:35:05.000 They sell out in Los Angeles.

02:35:07.000 They sold out a 7,000 seat theater in an hour.

02:35:11.000 It's crazy.

02:35:12.000 It's crazy.

02:35:13.000 They're killing it. 0.99

02:35:14.000 They're killing it. 0.99

02:35:15.000 And that show is different every night.

02:35:17.000 Every night.

02:35:18.000 You can go to two shows in a row.

02:35:19.000 You're not gonna see the same show.

02:35:21.000 It's a totally different show.

02:35:22.000 So, like, you know, they can come into a town and do three, four nights.

02:35:26.000 Easy.

02:35:27.000 Easy.

02:35:28.000 Easy.

02:35:29.000 That's really crazy. 1.00

02:35:30.000 The fucking garden. 1.00

02:35:32.000 Yeah, the garden. 1.00

02:35:33.000 It's amazing. 0.99

02:35:34.000 Two nights in a fucking row. 0.99

02:35:36.000 I still remember Tony telling me this ten years ago, eight years ago, that this is what he wanted to do. 0.99

02:35:42.000 So, kudos to him, brother.

02:35:45.000 He is the best.

02:35:46.000 At hosting that kind of a show, nobody better. 0.99

02:35:49.000 He's the fucking best. 0.99

02:35:50.000 He's the best ever at it. 1.00

02:35:51.000 He's so quick and he's such a mean little fuck. 1.00

02:35:54.000 He's a mean little fuck. 1.00

02:35:55.000 He's a mean little fuck, but he's also super supportive if you're good. 1.00

02:35:58.000 And it's a great platform for stand-up because there's no woke bullshit. 1.00

02:36:06.000 There's no ideology. 1.00

02:36:08.000 There's no fucking playing and pandering. 0.99

02:36:10.000 You got one minute. 1.00

02:36:11.000 You got one minute.

02:36:12.000 One minute.

02:36:13.000 And the currency is funny.

02:36:15.000 Can you be funny in a minute?

02:36:17.000 It doesn't matter if you're white or you're black or you're trans or you're gay or you're straight or you're... 1.00

02:36:22.000 No one gives a fuck. 0.99

02:36:24.000 Are you funny? 0.99

02:36:25.000 You have one minute. 1.00

02:36:27.000 And they take everybody, anybody out of that fucking hat. 1.00

02:36:31.000 You can't bribe your way into that hat. 0.99

02:36:33.000 People have tried.

02:36:34.000 I've seen it.

02:36:35.000 I've seen people say, listen, could you get my banker once to come?

02:36:38.000 Tony's like, nope.

02:36:39.000 Nope.

02:36:39.000 I don't care who's asking me.

02:36:41.000 Donald Trump could ask him.

02:36:42.000 They're like, nope.

02:36:43.000 Nope.

02:36:43.000 That's a holy bucket.

02:36:46.000 That bucket is 100% randos.

02:36:49.000 Dig in there.

02:36:51.000 Bob Wilson!

02:36:53.000 And Bob Wilson comes out, and he had no idea he's coming out.

02:36:56.000 And you see those people, and they do one minute, and the band's there, and the audience is there, and some of them, it's their first time ever doing stand-up.

02:37:04.000 Could you do a minute?

02:37:05.000 No.

02:37:06.000 Could I? Yeah, I could, but I have never.

02:37:08.000 We did three to get into the store.

02:37:10.000 Yeah.

02:37:11.000 I had to do three, then ten, then she made me. 1.00

02:37:14.000 Yeah.

02:37:14.000 But it was three.

02:37:15.000 How long did it take for you to get in?

02:37:17.000 Dog, I broke the record.

02:37:18.000 Yeah?

02:37:19.000 How long?

02:37:20.000 I got to LA January 29th of 1997 and I was a regular February 19th, 1997. Wow!

02:37:32.000 That's pretty quick.

02:37:33.000 That's quick. 0.99

02:37:34.000 I didn't have to lick nobody's balls or nothing. 0.99

02:37:37.000 Stan Hope? 0.99

02:37:38.000 I'm gonna tell you who referred me.

02:37:40.000 Stan Hope, Mencia, and somebody else.

02:37:43.000 I forget who it was.

02:37:45.000 And Scott called me and he goes, I've heard good things about you.

02:37:48.000 I'm gonna showcase you, but it's gonna be in about six months.

02:37:51.000 And knowing me and my criminal, I go, six months?

02:37:57.000 I don't even know if I'm gonna make this six months.

02:37:59.000 And he goes, okay, you got a showcase.

02:38:01.000 We'll let you know when.

02:38:03.000 Two weeks later, he called me.

02:38:04.000 And he goes, I got a three-minute spot that opened up.

02:38:06.000 You want to come down tonight?

02:38:08.000 Yeah.

02:38:09.000 Came down there, was petrified of Mitzi. 0.89

02:38:12.000 She watched you?

02:38:13.000 First set?

02:38:14.000 First set.

02:38:15.000 Watched me.

02:38:16.000 Came off, shook her hand.

02:38:18.000 Thank you for the opportunity.

02:38:19.000 I thought I was going to pass out.

02:38:21.000 Wow.

02:38:21.000 I thought I was going to pass out.

02:38:23.000 Because in my mind, it was this.

02:38:25.000 I was going back to being a criminal.

02:38:27.000 Well, what she liked about guys like you, though, is that you were raw.

02:38:30.000 She liked raw people with talent.

02:38:33.000 That was her favorite thing.

02:38:35.000 She didn't like people when they had already made it.

02:38:37.000 She told Seinfeld, this place is not for you.

02:38:40.000 Seinfeld was too big already.

02:38:41.000 She's like, nah, this place is not for you.

02:38:43.000 She's a wild lady, man, in that regard. 0.99

02:38:46.000 And that's what I do.

02:38:47.000 Whenever I miss her, I think about it, I call Paulie.

02:38:50.000 Whenever I think of Mitzi, I call Paul.

02:38:52.000 I'm thinking about your mom, brother.

02:38:54.000 It's fun being in the bar downstairs that's named after his mom.

02:38:57.000 So we're in Mitzi's and there's a photo of Mitzi just like that.

02:39:02.000 Like that painting that we have in the wall in here.

02:39:04.000 She saved my life, brother.

02:39:06.000 She saved a lot of my lives.

02:39:08.000 I had no chance of being an adult.

02:39:11.000 No chance of ever doing anything in my life. 1.00

02:39:14.000 No chance until I walked into that fucking comedy club. 1.00

02:39:16.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:39:17.000 And she made me a regular.

02:39:18.000 And when I went back the next week and I had 10 minutes, And she was like, you're a regular calling Monday for spots?

02:39:25.000 Dog, I didn't know what to do.

02:39:27.000 But I knew that if I kept my nose clean, but I knew I'd only have like a year or two before something happens.

02:39:32.000 I hit somebody with a chair, or I steal something.

02:39:35.000 That was my M.O. But her putting me in there, Made me go, okay, you know.

02:39:43.000 And it was me, Holtzman, you. 0.99

02:39:45.000 You know, we had some fucking savages there in the beginning. 0.97

02:39:48.000 But if you really think about my life, I got all the great things out of my life from the Comedy Store. 0.98

02:39:54.000 Everything.

02:39:54.000 My daughter.

02:39:55.000 Everything.

02:39:56.000 Our friendship.

02:39:57.000 Everything.

02:39:58.000 What didn't I get from the Comedy Store?

02:39:59.000 We had a family there.

02:40:01.000 I got a life, man.

02:40:02.000 Yeah.

02:40:02.000 It was a very special place for all of us.

02:40:05.000 You know, I look at the pictures at night because they post them on Facebook of...

02:40:09.000 The club, the mothership from the night before, when they show the... 0.98

02:40:12.000 Not when they show you fucking momos on stage, but when they show the staff working there. 0.97

02:40:18.000 When I see that young staff, I remember the great times we had on New Year's Eve and Christmas, and it was a family. 1.00

02:40:26.000 Gave a fuck about a Christmas tree when you're a regular at the store. 0.96

02:40:30.000 You know what I'm saying? 0.99

02:40:31.000 And now they close on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.

02:40:34.000 But I still remember having a spot on Christmas Day and going, people like, what type of animal are you? 1.00

02:40:39.000 Fuck, it's a comedy store. 0.99

02:40:41.000 We both did spots on Christmas Day. 1.00

02:40:42.000 I did them.

02:40:43.000 Before I had a family, I always did spots on Christmas Day. 0.99

02:40:45.000 Dog, I ate a bag of mushrooms once on Thanksgiving and went up there and the fucking purple lights had me. 0.94

02:40:53.000 I don't know how many sets I did in the original room. 0.98

02:40:56.000 But now looking at it, If it wasn't for Mitzi, sure, because I would have left in six months.

02:41:01.000 And my job was, my goal at that time was if I fail in L.A., I'm driving back, I'm going to make a pit stop, I'm going to stab a few people in Colorado, and then I'm going back to New York to hide.

02:41:12.000 That was my plan.

02:41:13.000 That was my plan if failure would have came in L.A. and I would have got thrown out of there.

02:41:18.000 Well, I remember when you cracked the code.

02:41:21.000 And you're a guy that I've always said, you were the funniest guy in the parking lot.

02:41:26.000 And there was something that was missing in translation between you being the funny guy in the parking lot and you being the guy on stage.

02:41:33.000 And you just figured it out one day.

02:41:35.000 It's like one day he figured it out.

02:41:37.000 It was very interesting.

02:41:38.000 Becoming yourself.

02:41:39.000 Yeah.

02:41:40.000 That's it.

02:41:40.000 Because you were like trying to do jokes before.

02:41:43.000 You were like trying to do stand-up the way stand-ups do jokes.

02:41:47.000 And something happened. 0.99

02:41:49.000 I think it was like a certain level of I don't give a fuck anymore. 0.98

02:41:52.000 Like where too many agents had lied to you. 0.99

02:41:55.000 Too many auditions had fell through.

02:41:56.000 Too many this.

02:41:57.000 Too many that.

02:41:58.000 And you're like, what am I trying to make these people happy for?

02:42:00.000 And you just were yourself on stage. 0.99

02:42:03.000 Like you'd almost like given up hope Of the bullshit golden ring. 0.99

02:42:08.000 You know, I never understood writing shit that had nothing to do with you. 1.00

02:42:13.000 You gotta write shit that's close to your fucking heart and your balls. 1.00

02:42:17.000 I always wanted to be fucking somebody else sometimes. 1.00

02:42:22.000 I wish I wasn't dirty. 1.00

02:42:24.000 I wish I was a better joke writer. 0.91

02:42:25.000 I wish so many things.

02:42:27.000 But what I was doing, a lot of those guys that are straight, traditional stand-up, wish they were doing.

02:42:33.000 That guy that we keep forgetting with the dreadlocks, AJ... Jamal.

02:42:37.000 AJ Jamal.

02:42:39.000 AJ Jamal.

02:42:40.000 That was it.

02:42:40.000 Let's look him up.

02:42:41.000 Let's see where he's at.

02:42:42.000 Yeah.

02:42:42.000 That dude was fun.

02:42:43.000 AJ Jamal.

02:42:44.000 And I remember that dude, he used to bother you because he was so...

02:42:47.000 There he is.

02:42:48.000 He used to bother you that he was so funny clean.

02:42:52.000 Wow, he's only got 1,400 followers.

02:42:55.000 That's crazy.

02:42:56.000 What was his last post? 1.00

02:43:02.000 Funny fucking dude, though. 0.99

02:43:04.000 And great guy. 1.00

02:43:04.000 No, no, no. 1.00

02:43:05.000 I mean his last post on Instagram. 0.99

02:43:06.000 And great fucking guy. 0.99

02:43:08.000 That's not really his? 0.99

02:43:09.000 I don't know.

02:43:10.000 Yeah, that's him.

02:43:11.000 This was over two years ago.

02:43:12.000 Oh, wow.

02:43:14.000 Over two years ago.

02:43:15.000 Great guy.

02:43:16.000 Great guy.

02:43:17.000 I didn't like him.

02:43:18.000 No, no, no, no, no.

02:43:19.000 You were just, it bothered you that he was so clean.

02:43:22.000 That you weren't clean and made you self-conscious.

02:43:24.000 I remember you used to tell me about that.

02:43:25.000 I hated going on after that guy.

02:43:26.000 He would bury me. 0.99

02:43:27.000 He would kill and he'd be clean. 1.00

02:43:29.000 He would bury me. 0.99

02:43:29.000 Him and Dom Herrera made a habit of burying me. 0.99

02:43:32.000 And Dom made a habit of rubbing it in my face afterwards.

02:43:35.000 Dom was brutal to me in those days. 0.99

02:43:38.000 Yeah, but he was just being dumb. 1.00

02:43:39.000 Yeah, no, he was being a fucking great guy. 0.99

02:43:41.000 Yeah, he was being funny. 0.98

02:43:42.000 Not that I didn't like it. 0.99

02:43:43.000 I just thought that, how the fuck is somebody this clean and... 0.99

02:43:46.000 Right. 0.99

02:43:47.000 Technical.

02:43:48.000 Right. 0.98

02:43:48.000 So fucking good. 0.98

02:43:49.000 Sharp. 0.99

02:43:50.000 Very technical.

02:43:51.000 He was like, if it was jujitsu, you gotta hold under the elbow, he would be right there with that elbow.

02:43:56.000 Not an inch up, not an inch down.

02:43:58.000 Yep.

02:43:59.000 He just knew his boundaries.

02:44:00.000 And that's what I always wanted to be.

02:44:03.000 Yeah.

02:44:04.000 But I became, after a while, it was what I became in that original room.

02:44:08.000 Yeah, you became yourself.

02:44:09.000 That's what happened.

02:44:10.000 I remember the day, Joey.

02:44:11.000 I remember one night where you were on stage murdering.

02:44:14.000 And I was in the back with everybody over by the stairs.

02:44:17.000 And then someone goes, Joey is murdering.

02:44:20.000 And we went into the back.

02:44:21.000 And you were on stage.

02:44:22.000 You were just going off.

02:44:23.000 Some cocaine story.

02:44:24.000 You were going off.

02:44:25.000 And people were dying.

02:44:26.000 No, you had to.

02:44:27.000 They couldn't believe what you were saying.

02:44:29.000 It was so funny.

02:44:30.000 Dog, I remember one night I was on a roll.

02:44:32.000 You were back there with a bunch of people. 0.99

02:44:34.000 And I said that I used to date a girl and her pussy looked like Eddie Munster's teddy bear, Wolfie. 1.00

02:44:40.000 Like, when that shit started coming out of me was when I was so fucking fed up with the... 1.00

02:44:49.000 The fucking, just the bullshit. 1.00

02:44:52.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:44:52.000 And number one on stage, you gotta be yourself. 1.00

02:44:54.000 We were talking about him earlier.

02:44:56.000 He was never really a traditional stand-up.

02:44:58.000 He did all this crazy stuff in his act, and that's Paul Mooney.

02:45:04.000 Yes.

02:45:05.000 You know, where Bill Hicks, I love Bill Hicks, Bill Hicks had that stand-up-y, but he also threw something in there.

02:45:12.000 Yeah.

02:45:14.000 You know, it just wasn't line...

02:45:16.000 Social commentary.

02:45:16.000 Yeah, it wasn't set up punchline.

02:45:18.000 So I wanted to be somewhere in between that.

02:45:22.000 That's where I ended up at.

02:45:23.000 I didn't really know...

02:45:25.000 I'm not a good writer, but I have energy. 1.00

02:45:29.000 Energy and enthusiasm will kick your fucking ass. 1.00

02:45:33.000 Also, you have good points. 1.00

02:45:35.000 You know how to call bullshit on something. 0.97

02:45:36.000 Yeah. 0.98

02:45:36.000 And that's what people enjoy. 0.98

02:45:38.000 You're calling bullshit on something, and you got a lot of energy. 1.00

02:45:41.000 So the energy and the enthusiasm, that fucking, that wins, bro. 1.00

02:45:45.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:45:46.000 You know, I always told you, I don't like going out there and going out with the towel and going like, hi, how you guys doing? 0.93

02:45:52.000 I like to come out and hit them hard just so they know. 0.55

02:45:55.000 And you said it best. 0.99

02:45:56.000 I like bringing Joe with me because he goes out there and he fucking cleans the room out of all the bad spirits. 0.93

02:46:02.000 And that's how you did it with your fingers that day. 0.79

02:46:04.000 You go, he just cleans the rooms out.

02:46:06.000 He goes up there and he takes it to the hoop the first five minutes.

02:46:09.000 It either works or it doesn't work.

02:46:12.000 It either works or it doesn't work.

02:46:13.000 All boundaries get destroyed when you're on stage. 1.00

02:46:15.000 Destroyed in the first five minutes because why fuck around with them? 1.00

02:46:19.000 No Nicky Nacky. 1.00

02:46:20.000 Let's go.

02:46:21.000 Lenny Clark on Danger Feels Special.

02:46:23.000 He came out throwing heat. 1.00

02:46:25.000 Don't come out dilly-dallying in my fucking world. 1.00

02:46:29.000 Come out and fucking... 1.00

02:46:30.000 Let's go. 1.00

02:46:31.000 You got 10 minutes.

02:46:32.000 I love to slot in the main room.

02:46:34.000 Yeah.

02:46:35.000 And in reality, it's just you on top of a guy and you're...

02:46:39.000 Who's fighting him all night?

02:46:40.000 Strickland?

02:46:41.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:46:41.000 He's like when he went off on fucking Adesanya. 0.99

02:46:44.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:46:44.000 That's what it's like. 0.99

02:46:45.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:46:45.000 You're just fucking hitting them with jokes and they can't take it. 0.99

02:46:48.000 And then you step back and you go, oh my God, look what I've done. 1.00

02:46:52.000 They're fucking laying there like bodies. 0.99

02:46:54.000 Yes. 1.00

02:46:54.000 They're laying there. 1.00

02:46:55.000 That's...

02:46:56.000 The greatest.

02:46:56.000 That's better than any dollar you can make.

02:46:58.000 Yeah.

02:46:59.000 That's better than any ball lick you can make.

02:47:02.000 That's better than anything.

02:47:03.000 It's better than everything.

02:47:04.000 It's to seeing bodies laid down going, oh, you gotta stop.

02:47:09.000 You gotta stop.

02:47:11.000 And then I learned how to stop.

02:47:13.000 I let them breathe.

02:47:14.000 And then I paced my material like that.

02:47:17.000 I wanted to pace my material where it's stop and go.

02:47:21.000 Take them, take them, take them.

02:47:22.000 Give them a break. 0.72

02:47:23.000 And then bring them back up again.

02:47:24.000 Bring them back up again.

02:47:25.000 And then leave their...

02:47:26.000 Rollercoaster. 0.99

02:47:27.000 Fucking, you know, that's stand-up, brother. 0.99

02:47:30.000 Yes. 0.99

02:47:31.000 Alright, next time you're here, there'll be an announcement.

02:47:34.000 That announcement will be a residency in Philly.

02:47:38.000 We're gonna make it happen.

02:47:38.000 No, no, a residency at...

02:47:40.000 The Comedy Mothership.

02:47:41.000 We'll do that 100%.

02:47:43.000 That's what I really want to do.

02:47:44.000 Anytime you want.

02:47:44.000 Because I think I need a constant week around you guys.

02:47:47.000 Okay.

02:47:48.000 But you don't open Monday.

02:47:49.000 We're open every day of the week.

02:47:50.000 But Monday's no stand-up.

02:47:51.000 Open mic night.

02:47:53.000 Really?

02:47:53.000 Yeah, you can go up.

02:47:54.000 100% you can go up.

02:47:56.000 You can go up every night of the week.

02:47:57.000 Thank you for taking Cammie with the Stemps.

02:47:58.000 Come on, man.

02:47:59.000 You're the best. 1.00

02:48:00.000 I feel better in shit already. 0.99

02:48:01.000 Always great to see you. 0.98

02:48:02.000 And tomorrow night, we're all doing, by the time this is out, we're doing Fight Companion.

02:48:07.000 I'll announce it right now.

02:48:08.000 Joey Diaz is on the next Fight Companion.

02:48:10.000 So it'll be Joey Diaz, Eddie Bravo, Brendan Schaub, and me. 0.99

02:48:14.000 Let's fucking go! 1.00

02:48:15.000 Let's fucking go! 1.00

02:48:17.000 You already ratted it out because somebody already hit me this week. 0.99

02:48:19.000 I didn't rat it out.

02:48:21.000 Shaw might have ratted it out.

02:48:22.000 Somebody else might have put it up.

02:48:24.000 But that's us.

02:48:25.000 Tomorrow night.

02:48:26.000 I love you.

02:48:26.000 Love you.

02:48:27.000 Bye everybody.

The Joe Rogan Experience - January 20, 2024

Joe Rogan Experience #2089 - Joey Diaz

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