Joe Rogan is joined by comedian John Heffron to discuss a variety of topics. They talk about how they met, how they got into comedy, and what it's like to be a comedian in the big city. They also talk about the new Fleshlight, and the weirdest thing they've ever eaten. Joe Rogan Experience is a production of Native Creative Podcasts and is brought to you by Native Creative, a Native-owned company. Native Creative is a Native Creative Production company that specializes in creating Native-inspired products, services, and events. Native Creative's mission is to create a safe, healthy, and culturally conscious environment in which Native creators can live, work, and connect with Native people through food, culture, and community through food and community. We're also a proud member of the Native Creative Community. This episode is sponsored by Onnit. Onnit is a nootropic and cognitive enhancing nootropic supplement that has been around for over 20 years and is available in over-the-counter in over 60 countries, including the U.S., Canada, Mexico, Israel, and Israel. If you order from Onnit, you get a 100% guaranteed 100% money back guarantee on your first order of the product, and a 20% discount on your second order of your first purchase. if you like what you order, you'll get 20% off your entire purchase plus free shipping and free shipping throughout the rest of the month. You'll get 10% off the entire month, plus an additional $5 off your first month, and we'll give you an extra $5 more when you place an ad discount when you sign up for the offer starts. and you get an ad on the ad starts in the next week. Thanks to Onnit becomes aware of the ad is reviewed, they'll be getting a free product, they get a discount, and they'll get 15% off their first week, too! and gets a discount on the deal starts next month, they also get a FREE shipping, plus they'll also get $10% off my ad on my ad starts next week, and I'll get $25, plus I'll receive $5,000 in the first week they receive $50 and gets $10, they receive my first week gets $50,000 and they get $15,000, they're also get my ad gets a free promo code, they can get my first month's ad discount, too, they have my ad and I can get a free ad on their first month and they also receive $25 and gets my first promo code they'll have my first ad starts after they review my ad goes through my review starts in two weeks.
00:00:31.000They should incorporate it with a flashlight because nobody ever knows where the flashlight is, but everybody knows where their flashlight is.
00:01:53.000This is all stuff that before we were selling any of this, I used all of it.
00:01:58.000And I used all of it because it works.
00:01:59.000I'm a big believer in vitamins and supplements, and I'm a big believer in that what you take into your body affects the way your brain works, for sure.
00:02:12.000There's something creepy about saying eating pussy.
00:02:15.000I'm thinking of chewing and swallowing.
00:02:18.000A girl can suck a cock, and that's totally right.
00:02:21.000But when you're eating pussy, it just sounds like you're chewing.
00:02:24.000Especially when it's a fat guy, and you think of him being hungry, and he's eating pussy, and you think he's just going to take a bite out of it.
00:02:32.000I wonder if you really ate pussy if it was the most delicious piece of meat in the human body.
00:03:36.000We try not to make our commercials too commercially, and in the process they become conversations about shit sometimes, like eating pussy and the best steak in Atlanta.
00:03:44.000But I still want to take the product now.
00:05:32.000That's not a performance-enhancing drug.
00:05:34.000Well, it's somehow or another what they're saying, I believe, if I understand the legal language, I think what they're saying is that the metabolite shows that he has had it in his system.
00:05:45.000But what's really crazy is it's so stupid because they know he's a patient.
00:05:49.000He's a medical marijuana patient in California.
00:05:52.000And if you don't know that Nick Diaz smokes weed, Jesus Christ, are you paying attention at all?
00:09:03.000I was watching the way they're testing to figure out how the human growth hormone, the way they've got this thing that locks onto it so that they can test.
00:09:12.000And I was watching over and over trying to comprehend it.
00:10:34.000That's what his nickname was, Freeway Ricky Ross.
00:10:37.000It's really interesting to see this guy who was 20 years old in this terrible situation and sort of just kind of found his way through the system to success.
00:10:48.000And then it all came falling apart, and then he built himself back up again.
00:12:14.000It's good stand-up and then he's doing it as Chopper and every joke is about like misogyny and fucking harden the fuck up and he's got the mustache on and the sunglasses.
00:12:23.000And I said afterwards, because I had heard rumors, I said, has he ever contacted you?
00:14:18.000Pigs are so weird because pigs are the only animal that we know of that becomes feral, meaning it becomes wild, almost immediately from the release from a farm.
00:14:27.000And it actually physically changes shape.
00:18:10.000Yeah, when I start to work out where I'm doing a lot of Olympic lifting and power lifting and stuff, where I start to get a little heavier and up to, like, 180...
00:18:35.000Sure, but I do a lot of Metcons and stuff, but I'm saying when you get to that bodybuilder size, like Lee Haney size, You're almost like a handicapped person.
00:18:47.000You need to have trouble taking your shirt on.
00:18:49.000You'd be amazed at how well some guys can move with a lot of muscle that have stretched out.
00:19:31.000If you're doing Olympic cleans, if you're doing deadlifts, and if you're doing power squats, whatever time you spend doing that, you should spend twice that amount of time stretching out and getting deep tissue massages.
00:19:46.000So for every two hours you're lifting, it should be four hours, two hours deep tissue and two hours stretching.
00:19:52.000You really need to stretch everything.
00:19:54.000It takes a long time to really stretch.
00:19:56.000I don't fuck around because when I first got into CrossFit, I thought it was cool that you only had to work out for like sometimes three minutes.
00:20:03.000The workouts are sometimes three minutes.
00:21:50.000But then I developed so many issues with like bad back, bad knees.
00:21:55.000Well, let me bring this up then because Steve Maxwell is a guy that I trained with a bunch of times, a brilliant guy, really well known for being a fitness guru.
00:22:04.000And he thinks that those high repetition deadlift things that get done a lot in CrossFit, he said you're not supposed to do that.
00:22:11.000That's not how those exercises are designed.
00:24:15.000Guys have had hernias or rather aneurysms.
00:24:17.000I had a – one time in the middle of a workout, I had – I think it was an exertion headache or something where just – I knew like – and I try never to quit.
00:24:27.000I just looked at everyone and I went, I'm out.
00:24:29.000I'm out because my head started like – Pulsating.
00:24:33.000A lot of times you were taught like, breathe in on the downward, on the eccentric and on the concentric, you exhale.
00:24:45.000But a lot of times in our kind of lifting, they say, hold your breath because it locks your core.
00:24:49.000If you hold your breath throughout the whole lift, like up, down, and then once you finish the lift, Exhale.
00:27:59.000I mean, you know, that's what life is supposed to be.
00:28:01.000It's supposed to be you get to a point where it's really, you know, you're accepting the fact that it's over because it's not good anymore.
00:28:07.000You ever read the book, what's his name, the guy who wrote Man's Search for Meeting?
00:28:17.000He was in a concentration camp and he made it all the way through.
00:28:20.000And he wrote this book on logotherapy, I think it's called, or logotherapy.
00:28:25.000And he – it was amazing because he talked about all the people that survived and how they survived the concentration camp, being like stripped completely naked, having your hair shaved off your head, put in – like losing your identity, having no identity and being able to survive that, like being stripped of everything in life that you ever had and having your whole – most of these people, their whole families were killed, were murdered.
00:29:07.000But he said you had to have something.
00:29:09.000If you didn't have something, you wouldn't make it.
00:29:12.000And he talks about – the most amazing thing he talked about was going – how he said sufferings like a gas, it will fill a room no matter how big it is.
00:29:22.000And he said like they were on the one train going to one of the concentration camps and like if you go over this bridge, you are going to the one where they kill you.
00:29:32.000But if you make like a right turn, you're going to the one where you're going to stay alive for a couple more weeks.
00:29:44.000You smell like shit and you're smothered and it's all these other like concentration camp victims.
00:29:50.000And you're in there and it's the worst like worst – Like place you could ever be in your life, like mentally, physically, and you're going over this and you're thinking I'm going to die.
00:30:03.000I'm going over this bridge and we're going to the death camp.
00:30:06.000But they made like a right turn to go to the work camp for two weeks and there was like a cheer.
00:30:12.000In the truck, like in the car, the train car, that was like the greatest feeling in the world because they had two more weeks to live.
00:30:23.000And he said it's amazing that like you can be in that shitty of a position in your life but experience – have that like elation that's so high.
00:30:31.000And it's kind of Buddhist about like living the moment.
00:30:34.000I mean you're in a horrible, horrible place but you can have these levels of like – Like, fuck, that was, like, fucking amazing.
00:30:42.000I just fucking, like, you remember the high highs of your life, and one of them was at the lowest point of your life.
00:31:07.000If the human mind looks at the future and figures out that there's a certain amount of time left, there's only a certain amount of time left if you're to believe that this world is real.
00:31:23.000It's funny you say that because I had lunch with my sister the other day who's very intelligent.
00:31:27.000She's a partner in like the biggest law firm and we started talking about it and we disagree on a lot.
00:31:32.000Like she's actually – she still believes in God and all this stuff and I said something about if you believe this world is real and she kind of gave the Descartes, I think therefore I am and I'm like … How does he know he was fucking thinking?
00:31:47.000Well, it becomes entirely more possible as technology increases to envision a world some point in the future where it's going to be possible to recreate reality in an indistinguishable form.
00:33:25.000The money's so shitty in campaign financing, the way it's coming in and how illegal and how all these corporations are financing campaigns.
00:33:33.000It's the fundamental problem with America.
00:33:36.000You're right, but in this instance, one of the things about it is there's two very specific wealthy donors that he had courted.
00:33:44.000And so it was really like he robbed them of Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:33:47.000He knew that his campaign was going to fall apart because he knew that his...
00:33:51.000I understand, but those fuckers are buying influence.
00:33:57.000Maybe one of them is a wealthy individual, is a woman.
00:34:00.000Yeah, but like if you saw the guy that was financing Newt's campaign or Santorum's campaign, these are just egomaniac fucking rich people, super, super, super rich, that have done everything and it's on their bucket list.
00:34:14.000And then they also have ideals like, you know, I think the world should be run like this, so I'm going to put money in the pocket of a politician, you know, with these super PACs now and the way they do it.
00:34:27.000Politicians – I just read a great book, Lawrence Lessig, Republic Lost, and I've felt this way for years because I traveled all over the world doing comedy and every country I went to, everybody yelled at me about America.
00:34:39.000Like every single green room of every comedy club, no matter where I went, it was like I was the representative for America and everybody wanted to fucking yell at me about my country and there was a lot I see wrong with America, a ton.
00:34:51.000But at a certain point, I started snapping.
00:37:33.000Duncan Trussell said there's a theory.
00:37:35.000I believe he was quoting it, but what it was was that the idea is that as the world falls apart, really, it's your own reality that's falling apart.
00:37:44.000It's just the reality of the world is that it's really a piece of your imagination and that as the world gets more and more chaotic and we move closer to the end of the Mayan calendar and there's nuclear war is a threat in the back.
00:37:57.000What all that really is, Fukushima's meltdown, the pollution in the oceans.
00:38:00.000It is really your own reality of your temporary existence in this plane is coming to an end.
00:38:29.000But at a certain point in time, we know that's going to happen.
00:38:33.000If you look at what you see now, just look at the fact that I can get on this laptop...
00:38:40.000And I can just watch movies, and I can interact with people, exchange information, and the graphics are incredible, and the photos are high definition.
00:38:48.000This is just one step in a process that is not gonna stop unless resources run out and we all wind up being fucking zombies and cannibals.
00:39:56.000It's amazing that it go from a million years to today, and look how much different we look than every other ape.
00:40:03.000Like, one ape started standing up, and by the way, there wasn't just one of us.
00:40:07.000There was a gang of us, different species, a lot of them that never made it, like the Flores, the Hobbit man that they found recently, that as recently as, I think it was 10,000 years ago, they were living, coinciding with human beings.
00:40:54.000Which one is the proportionate that's very tiny?
00:40:56.000There's so many different types of it.
00:40:58.000That they were explaining all their types like Tanya Lee Davis and Nick Novicki and Brad Williams were all on the show and they were all explaining that they all had – I think the three of them had three different types of dwarfism and then they talked about if they were to have sex and have a child, like there's a 25 percent chance that it could acquire – like that – and they know all this because they go to like the Little People of America convention which I went to this year which is fucking amazing.
00:41:25.000And they study all this stuff and they know like – I think they've isolated the gene that causes dwarfism and they know what it is and they – through like gene therapy and everything – not gene therapy or whatever they do like stem cell or whatever, they might be able to prevent it from happening in the future.
00:41:45.000No, they can't reverse it but they might be able to prevent it from happening and I think a lot of dwarves were upset about this saying like – You're going to kill our species.
00:43:40.000And then I just took him back to my house and I let him pass out on my couch because he was just so fucked up and he What I had to get home.
00:43:49.000And I was like, you know, you don't want like a stumbling dwarf walking around the street.
00:46:14.000I'm kind of with you on that and a couple other reasons, but I would do jiu-jitsu if somebody like Ronda Rosie...
00:46:21.000I took like five other of the hottest girls and it's just like you have to choose one of these girls every day you get to choose kind of like you know like like the bunny ranch and then you choose which one you want and it's no gi and you they'll teach you jiu-jitsu I would do it that way teach you yeah but listen I've wrestled you up I've wrestled women if you're just training if they're just being teachers I wrestled two girls in a jello I wrestled two girls in a jello wrestling contest for a radio promotion and And I said to the girls beforehand,
00:48:03.000So I just started pulling off their bikini tops and bottoms.
00:48:08.000And I was like, at least that's where they'll become defensive.
00:48:12.000So if I just start showing their titties to everybody, I win, I look like the good guy, the crowd likes me, and sure enough, I accidentally fingered one of them, I think.
00:48:25.000One of the chicks you can watch, I pick her up and body slam her, and you just hear her go, I broke my fucking nose!
00:49:46.000And she was older, like two years older, and she was like the biggest burnout, fucking hardcore.
00:49:52.000Like crazy bitch in the school and everybody's like you're dead She came to get me and she beat me up in front of the whole high school Like she was just slapping me in the face and punch and I just had to sit there and take it And I just sat there and just took every punt like and just I just kept calling her a cunt There's this woman there's this woman who was a lesbian and she was also Like a really high level taekwondo player.
00:50:14.000She was she'd fought a lot of national tournaments placed she had been a She was very good.
00:50:20.000And she was in the class, and she had this hard-on for men.
00:50:26.000Especially men that weren't as good as her.
00:52:10.000Shit happens sometimes when people run into things or you catch someone funny and you didn't know you were going to knock them out and they go unconscious.
00:52:16.000But you should never do it on purpose.
00:52:19.000And when someone who's a black belt, like this woman was, went after this guy who had like fucking 20 knee surgeries, can't move that good.
00:52:26.000And he's not, you know, he's only a green belt.
00:54:34.000You know all their shit, and they're all preparing, and you're gonna have to fight them four, five, six times.
00:54:39.000When you're fighting, you're probably gonna fight someone who's not as good as your training partners, and you're not gonna have to fight as many times.
00:54:51.000I mean, I can't remember how many times we had to drive people to the hospital after we fucked them up because we would get in these situations where a guy would come in from another school and they usually weren't that good, you know, and they would get cocky or insulin and the instructor would let them join class.
00:55:33.000So when some chick is screaming at me, chasing after me, like she's going to attack me after I watch her just beat up my friend, that was not happening.
00:55:41.000But it was a milestone for me where I was able to not hurt her.
00:55:47.000I was like 20 pounds heavier than her.
00:55:53.000Well, I was – I don't know if it was the night we did your show but I was at a comedy club one night and afterwards there was an argument.
00:56:02.000I was – I had headlined there or something.
00:56:05.000There was an argument about – Buying drinks or something and a couple had argued with a waitress and the women were fighting.
00:56:12.000The girl that didn't want to pay her bill was arguing with the waitress at the comedy club and they were screaming, yelling at each other.
00:56:19.000It pours out kind of into the street and a waiter stands up for the waitress, this black dude standing up for the waitress going, hey, you need to back off, blah, blah, blah.
00:56:32.000And so then her husband So it's the black guy and the husband who's a Mexican dude.
00:56:39.000So black guy, Mexican dude, and the Mexican guy's wife is standing behind him.
00:56:43.000And they're arguing and they're about – it's escalating into a fight.
00:56:47.000And you can tell the Mexican dude does not want to fight.
00:56:51.000But he's standing his ground but he doesn't want to fight.
00:56:54.000You know when two guys are going – and the black dude is like, yo, get the fuck out of here.
00:57:22.000What I thought should've happened right there is the black dude and the Mexican dude should've high-fived and beat the shit out of his wife.
00:57:30.000Because she just got two guys in a fight who...
00:57:34.000One guy didn't want to fight and probably was gonna get his ass kicked.
00:57:37.000Yeah, her husband didn't want to fight.
00:57:40.000The black dude just wanted to break up, and now they have to fight each other, which they did.
00:57:45.000And by the way, the black dude got a good punch in on her, too.
01:00:13.000Crashing hard and going full psycho mode.
01:00:15.000And, you know, I'm the one who's got to take these cases.
01:00:18.000So they tell me what the subject of each case is, right?
01:00:22.000Before I meet the people and they actually come up with the case, I sit down with a notepad and I start going, okay, these are real problems.
01:01:52.000Like you know like these bitches had just been to nom and came back with their shoes in their hands barefoot walking through the parking lot Looking to take a hooker bath in the dressing room sink and I'm not bullshitting So she's like throwing makeup on but she's super frustrated because she's got heavy bags under eyes She's just gacked out of her head.
01:02:10.000And so they wound up using a girl who was an extra.
01:02:13.000They fired her She took a swing at me.
01:02:15.000That's what I didn't get right like yeah, she took a swing at me when you when you said no I I said, well, I was like, what are you talking about?
01:06:06.000Yeah, well, some people grow up thinking it's okay to hit people.
01:06:09.000Especially in the household, if they see their mom and their dad beating each other up, they grow up in that environment and they think that that's how relationships are.
01:06:16.000You get mad at someone, you lash out at them like a child.
01:06:20.000I've only had one girlfriend do it, but she didn't really do it.
01:07:14.000So I open the door but she sees it stop for me and she's been waiting.
01:07:17.000She comes running up the street to where I am and she's like screaming.
01:07:21.000So I like stop and look and she pulls back and she's got on those fucking New York City fuck me boots, you know, that they all wear the black leather high, you know, like like knee-high boots.
01:07:32.000She pulls back And kicks me in the shin as hard as she can and it felt like a chip of my bone came out of my shin.
01:07:40.000And I just looked at her and I went, you cunt!
01:11:26.000And they grabbed him and stopped him from jumping out the window.
01:11:29.000So this is right after this happened, okay?
01:11:32.000I'm doing stand-up, and I'm on Martha's Vineyard, and there's people, not Martha's Vineyard, Cape Cod, and people down the Cape would get fucking hammered!
01:11:42.000And it was me and a couple other dudes, and one of them is this guy who was not a very funny guy, but he was like one of those guys that was always trying to be like, He was always trying to pick women's sides on everything.
01:14:34.000They don't have the courage to go after what they want to achieve.
01:14:37.000They don't ever become the man they wish they could be.
01:14:39.000So all they do along the way is try to define the boundaries for everybody else and tell everybody else how they should think and should not behave.
01:14:45.000And the guys that they hide behind, unfortunately, is a good one.
01:14:49.000The guys that you should be a nice person.
01:14:50.000It shouldn't be an asshole who hates women.
01:14:53.000I mean, I've been around people that hate women.
01:15:35.000I've had those shows where it's gone that wrong, and none of them have ever been close to as good as Bill Burr's, like what he did up there, because my rant will last...
01:17:15.000Because the dude, the weightlifter, Sean Waxman, was telling us how China is – he's like, just wait until they get into CrossFit because he said Olympic weightlifting is massive.
01:17:24.000He was claiming the Olympic weightlifting is like second to soccer around the world as a sport and it's just not recognized really in America.
01:17:59.000And they're like, you are going to be a javelin thrower.
01:18:02.000That's what you're going to do for the rest of you.
01:18:04.000You are going to be known as a javelin thrower.
01:18:06.000If they start doing the same kind of thing with MMA, where it's like they're taking young kids that look like they have the size, the build, the speed, everything, and going, alright, here we go.
01:18:54.000Yeah, but if you gave them more of a foundation as a young kid, let's say they had it as a kid, and they weren't pushed into it, but they were doing it a lot younger.
01:19:07.000What age do kids start doing jiu-jitsu?
01:20:56.000And you duck dive, you dip your board below you so the wave doesn't catch it, and then you go kind of under the wave.
01:21:03.000The wave's coming up on me in the face of the wave, and I just see a fucking giant fish shoot across in front of me.
01:21:12.000So it's like a foot away from me, And all I can do is rather than like continue my duck dive, which would have been probably the smartest thing to do, I lifted like back, then thus like throwing me into a backflip.
01:21:25.000Like the board me, fucking like board first, then my legs back over.
01:21:29.000Boom, boom, boom, like getting held down.
01:22:03.000And as I'm getting tumbled in the white water and going through the wash, I'm like, fuck, I'm getting held down, so no breath, and I'm like, fuck, trying to get to the surface so that I can start swimming as fast as I can.
01:22:15.000And I pull up and I look back to see if I see a fin or something, and it's a seal.
01:22:25.000I cut the line when I saw it was a seal.
01:22:27.000We were fishing, and I forget what we were trying to catch, but we were fishing with bait, and all of a sudden the line pulls, and I think I have a giant fish.
01:24:59.000And then I got out and they said, somebody called and said they spotted like a four foot shark or something and they have to get you out of the water.
01:25:06.000But they're out there like, I have pictures.
01:25:08.000A guy that owns Horizon Surf Shop in Santa Monica took pictures in Sunset.
01:25:12.000The end, where Sunset comes out to the PCH, a fucking giant great white breaching right there.
01:26:52.000Yeah, we just swim across the shark pit where the guys I was surfing with had seen a great white and they told me about how they got off and got out of the water and they'd climb up on the rocks and I'm like...
01:27:52.000But at, like, 9 o'clock in the morning, man, not even, like, 7 o'clock in the morning, we were up, and we were, you know, because we were all jet-lagged.
01:28:30.000Because a lot of Brazilians come to Australia and they surf and they're kind of aggressive and there's a whole culture clash between the two of them.
01:28:38.000There's a lot of aggression on the beach, right?
01:29:29.000Off-duty cops don't have, like, some sort of special license to be cunts.
01:29:32.000But, no, he was being the cunt, and there's some locals that just fucking take it like, hey, this is our fucking area, you can't surf here.
01:31:31.000That Todd Duffy guy that we were talking about, he's one of the youngest guys that's got an exemption for hormone replacement.
01:31:38.000Some guys have it because of head trauma.
01:31:43.000Some guys have hormone replacement because if you're in a sport like football or boxing or MMA as well, when you're getting tagged in the head, It's very possible to damage the pituitary gland, and the studies that they've been doing on high-level combat athletes seem to indicate that a certain amount of head trauma will lead to a drop in your testosterone, a significant drop.
01:32:12.000There's two ways to damage your system.
01:32:13.000Well, there's a bunch of ways, but one of them is that disease obviously could damage you, but one of them is You can do steroids when you're young.
01:32:20.000You do a lot of steroids and your balls just quit.
01:32:22.000You just shut them down and break them.
01:32:27.000Yeah, but those guys, it's always like monster, crazy-looking dudes.
01:32:32.000Arnold Schwarzenegger and his prime type dudes where it's like there's no way to achieve those levels without completely jolting your body.
01:32:46.000There's a spider called the Brazilian wandering spider that, when it stings you, it gives you an unbelievably painful hard-on.
01:32:58.000Where your body, your dick is literally splitting like a hot dog that you sliced and then put it on the grill and it plumps when you cook it.
01:33:30.000There's an aboriginal elixir that's just not nearly as common, but it's very similar in the fact that it's based on the two elements, having a MAO inhibitor and having a DMT that you can take orally.
01:33:46.000I haven't spent much time with Aboriginal people in Australia, but my next trip over, and I go about twice a year, I've got a buddy who's decided he was a pro basketball player, and now his new thing, he's filming documentaries about, he goes way into the bush, like into the fucking bush, and he's filming documentaries, and I'm going to go with him.
01:35:40.000Like, I was in Atlanta, and these guys wore shirts that said Eddie Ift has AIDS. And show up at my show like a whole bunch of them wearing these Eddie Ift has AIDS shirts because Jim, you know, did that Google bomb on me.
01:35:53.000He told all our fans to Google Eddie Ift has AIDS. And if you do that, if enough people do it, when you search my name, that's the first thing that comes up in the cache.
01:39:49.000It takes a lot of wind out of sails, right?
01:39:51.000Yeah, it really did, and it was a shitty joke anyways, but looking back, I'm like...
01:39:56.000We were in Vegas, and it was me, and I think it was Joey Diaz, maybe Eddie Bravo, I don't remember, but we were there for some fights, and Harlan was playing at the Palms, so we went to see him.
01:40:45.000You know like he really didn't get mad and it was kind of funny that this guy was in the middle of his show and he was never like but was really fucked up was we were just sitting there were like this ain't real like a real terrorism joke they could have been fucking you know like oh Taliban running in with machine guns and shit oh fucking the Japanese tsunami would happen and I'd be sitting on the beach because I don't trust any like anytime they're like we need to evacuate I'm like fuck off Yeah, most of the time.
01:41:13.000In college, I stayed in my 22nd floor dorm room while a fire alarm was going off.
01:44:03.000First of all, even regular women that live in Boulder itself, which is 5,000 feet in Denver, There's a really high rate of premature births because of the oxygen.
01:44:50.000It's very rare that it happens because there's so much for them to eat up there.
01:44:54.000It's very rare that one will attack a human...
01:44:57.000But you, every now and then, could be in the wrong place at the wrong time, and you find an old one that doesn't have sharp teeth anymore, but it could still kill you.
01:45:42.000Yeah, he's got this big house and lives there.
01:45:45.000Well, he's a huge superstar over there, right?
01:45:48.000People don't understand what a big superstar is.
01:45:50.000Like, if you walk down the street here in America with, like, a famous – like, even how famous you are, you know, you're going to get recognized.
01:45:57.000Like, if you walk down, like, a C Street, how often would you get recognized?
01:46:01.000It depends on if there's a bunch of young dudes with tattoos.
01:46:05.000If you see young dudes with tattoos, most likely I'm getting spotted.
01:47:24.000It's a signal that I believe that their TVs use, I think.
01:47:27.000Because I remember I got a multi-region DVD player just so I could watch the Ali G show from England.
01:47:33.000Because it's a totally different kind of DVD. If you play, like on my Mac, if I play a PAL DVD, it'll say you only have five more viewings.
01:48:38.000The abuse Callan gets when he comes on here.
01:48:40.000Starts talking about U.S. history and gets shit.
01:48:43.000Just misses a whole chapter somewhere along the line.
01:48:47.000Not this, you know, he's not super knowledgeable about a lot of shit, but Callan's one of those dudes who would read a book and then yell at you for not knowing this five minutes after he read it.
01:49:37.000It's like we never really took advantage of the resource that was us and our friendships until podcasts came along.
01:49:45.000When we had radio shows, if you would go on someone's radio show, it's very rare that you could just bring in all your friends with you on the radio show and put on...
01:49:52.000You had to interact with these DJs and that was their thing and that was it.
01:49:57.000So it's like you never really got a chance to sit down purposely.
01:50:12.000But because of the fact that everyone is going to hear about this, and it's going to be something that goes on the internet, and people are going to enjoy it, then we started doing it.
01:50:20.000And the coolest thing about it, what I love about your podcast, is you guys...
01:50:26.000You just talk, and comics are interesting people because We have a lot of time on our hands.
01:50:30.000So most people have to do their job and that's why they're really good at their job because they do it.
01:50:35.000We do our stand-up and then we have a lot of extra time and our stand-up comes from our extra time of us thinking and philosophizing and in doing so we all acquire lots of hobbies and lots of things we get into and we're all of a kind of weird kind of mindset.
01:50:52.000Like to be a comic you have to be a bit OCD, a bit neurotic.
01:50:56.000There's all these different aspects of it.
01:50:58.000So you compile all that, you've got like a certain type of individual.
01:51:02.000And so we all have a knowledge base that's like we have generalized knowledge, not a lot of specialized knowledge, but we have a general knowledge of all these different things.
01:51:20.000Well, not only that, I think it's really cool that right from the beginning, everyone has sort of helped each other out and everyone has promoted each other.
01:51:30.000I mean, Corolla, and I'm doing Corolla's show in a couple weeks, and when I'm doing it, we're going to record these little things where, you know, I do an ad for his podcast, he does an ad for our podcast.
01:52:15.000But I get on here and plug talking shit and seriously, like you can see – and what happens is it spikes and then it will plateau for a while and then I'll do like your show or Jay Moore's or Corolla's or something and it will spike again.
01:52:29.000So it's showing that like the audience is coming and they like it and they stay.
01:52:33.000And that's why I always tell other guys with podcasts, I'm like, come on my show and be a guest.
01:52:37.000You'll get – our audience will then start listening to your show.
01:52:41.000If they like you on our show, they're going to listen to you.
01:52:44.000Like there's a guy, Brian McCarthy, who's the funniest fucking guy alive.
01:53:16.000And tells the story, and the episode's called, I'm Gonna Eat This Dude's Cunt.
01:53:20.000And it's the funniest story you'll ever hear because he's so brazen about it.
01:53:25.000Then the next story he told, he got arrested smuggling pot from Jamaica in a boombox when he was 20 years old and stayed in prison for a month because he didn't want to let his mom know.
01:54:22.000But then from the podcast, people have become big, big fans of his and they realize that he's complex.
01:54:28.000We're real lucky in having comedians for Friends.
01:54:31.000For other people, I'm saying this right now, and for sure there's someone out there going, I don't want a fucking needy ass comedian as my friend.
01:54:38.000But we understand each other, like a guy like you, or a guy like Callan, or me.
01:54:43.000If you and I were, if I didn't even know you, but we ran into each other in an airport, and I'm like, what are you doing?
01:55:10.000But he said to his fans, basically, he's like, at the end of the day, if I saw Dane Cook in an airport lobby or whatever, and I saw you, I'd go hang out with Dane Cook.
01:55:21.000He's like, because I'd have more in common with Dane Cook than you.
01:55:26.000And I could talk to Dane, and we have shit to talk about.
01:55:37.000The point Stan Hope was making was he was saying that everybody – he had a problem with Dane, and his problem was Dane called him a hater and said that he was jealous of him.
01:55:49.000I just – and he explained why and it was – he said, look, nobody was jealous of Chris Rock or Jon Stewart or Dave Chappelle when they got famous.
01:58:47.000Yeah, he's like, you've got to really have it.
01:58:49.000And the guys that are, like you're saying, like Chris Rock and...
01:58:51.000Well, also, it has to be a passion of yours.
01:58:54.000I've spent a lot of time doing things that were not a passion of mine.
01:58:58.000I spent a lot of time doing other people's stuff, like other people's TV shows.
01:59:02.000It was all fun times, but there's such a massive difference between doing something that you're really passionate about and putting all that energy and that reward that you get from that.
01:59:16.000Real success comes from transferring that passion and then people go and experience it and they feel it and it's pure and it's real.
01:59:22.000You know, your stand-up is really just sort of a vehicle for getting out the greatness inside of all of us.
01:59:28.000You know, whether that greatness manifests itself in piano playing or it manifests itself in, you know, you're a great basketball player or you're fucking awesome at editing videos.
01:59:38.000What that thing is, it's just finding that in yourself and providing something to other people that gives them this energetic reaction.
01:59:47.000You know, when they're sitting in the audience, it's laughter.
01:59:49.000If you go to see Honey Honey, it's not laughter, but it's this other crazy, weird, satisfying thing where it's beautiful music.
01:59:58.000And unless you're doing that, you're not going to be happy.
02:00:02.000Unless you're finding whatever the fuck it is in life that makes you do something.
02:00:06.000And it always seems to have something to do with how other people appreciate your work.
02:00:10.000Because it's like if you're a chef, you want people to appreciate your food.
02:00:14.000If you're a carpenter, you want to appreciate what you've done and you've built this house.
02:00:18.000It always seems to have something to do with giving something or producing something and creating something that other people feel good about.
02:00:25.000Whether you're a lawyer who gets a guy out of a tricky situation because you really love the law, you have this passion for the law.
02:00:31.000Whatever it is, it always seems to come down to How much passion do you have for it and how much does it positively affect people?
02:00:39.000That's how you've got to structure your life.
02:00:41.000That's why a lot of people get really lost and they just try to do things for themselves.
02:00:45.000They just try to get ahead for themselves.
02:00:46.000They just try to do well for themselves.
02:00:48.000In doing so, you're like a person who's got this massive vitamin deficiency.
02:00:53.000You're taking all this vitamin D, but you don't have any C. There's no C in your system.
02:01:14.000You'll end up fucked up on booze or drugs or whatever.
02:01:17.000You're at an imbalance point if you're thinking solely of yourself.
02:01:21.000It's like your greatest work and your greatest feelings will all come in And creating something that you're passionate about that other people are going to enjoy.
02:01:29.000Seems to be that that is a big key to life.
02:01:32.000That it has to be, to really truly be a happy person, you have to be doing something that other people are enjoying as well.
02:01:38.000Oh yeah, there's no fucking doubt about that.
02:01:40.000Because when I hear people take antidepressants, I don't have any imbalance, any mental imbalance that I know of.
02:02:48.000But, you know, if you had swam only a few feet and didn't get a mortgage and didn't have kids and didn't have 20 years and waiting for your pension and then if you just get out in six years, then you'll have full health insurance until you're dead.
02:02:59.000There's people that cannot ever pull the trigger to jettison themselves.
02:04:33.000He's done a lot of studies on happiness, which is pretty amazing.
02:04:37.000I think one of them was he said that after $70,000, like in America, after you make $70,000, your happiness is not congruent with your financial level.
02:05:15.000And then I was like, dude, do you know what you can get with what you have?
02:05:19.000And then it clicked one day and then he had slip and slides on the top floor of the fucking wind with chicks naked fucking running down the slip and slides.
02:05:40.000He just did the Michael Jackson thing where you have so much money, you're like, I want to live in a tree, and I want to have a monkey, and I want to have...
02:05:46.000You know, like, you just start going fucking crazy, and like, let's see how we can just spend this money.
02:08:50.000Someone said something to me a long time ago.
02:08:52.000It was comedian Tony V. And it literally became a tool that I use in my life.
02:08:56.000He was driving back and forth from Boston to New York on a regular basis, and that's a long drive, a couple hours at least, even if you're going fast.
02:09:03.000And I said, I go, how are you doing that every day?
02:09:41.000Any sort of a situation where, you know, if it's bad weather, I just go, this is what I'm doing now.
02:09:47.000I heard some fucked up shit recently about flying and pilots.
02:09:51.000This girl I know told me, like, I can't say who it is, I can't say what airline or whatever, but she knows this pilot, and he was talking about how he had to go to work.
02:10:27.000But I think the way those autopilot things work, unless there's a situation where they run into crazy weather and they wake right the fuck up.
02:10:35.000I don't think it's that big of a deal.
02:10:37.000It seems like it should be, but it's not like you're driving on a windy road.
02:12:25.000My friend Jay, Jay Helfert, he's a pool player and spent most of his life like gambling and playing pool.
02:12:32.000He's playing this guy and the middle of the set, the guy falls down to the ground and starts bucking and kicking and making these noises and the guy was losing and he assumed that the guy was doing it to try to get out of the game.
02:12:44.000Because dudes will do things to shark you.
02:15:51.000When I'd go to the UK, I'd spend three months over there where I would drink at lunch.
02:15:56.000And we would go out for lunch for beers and I would drink till showtime.
02:15:59.000Drink, you know, they'd bring me a couple pints backstage at the show, do the show, and they'd go out and party all night.
02:16:05.000And I'd come home from England just feeling like a piece of shit.
02:16:09.000And I was like, alright, I better do something.
02:16:12.000So I started working out and then I found that I liked body weight exercises like pull-ups, push-ups, sit-ups and stuff because I didn't want to get big.
02:17:25.000Not necessarily, because if you learn good form, which is what they try to teach you, is learn the proper technique and then you won't have the injuries and you won't have the problems.
02:17:34.000But aren't you like, the whole idea about working out is supposed to give your body time to recover.
02:21:14.000Do you grab it palms outward or palms towards you?
02:21:17.000I go palms outward and it's just like when we jump rope you jump two at a time always and now it's advancing to three at a time and like three swings under your feet each jump.
02:21:28.000And it's just you're learning that man just evolves and gets better and better and adapts at things.
02:21:34.000We have a workout called MRF, where you run a mile, then you do 100 pull-ups, then you do 200 push-ups, 300 air squats, And then you run...
02:23:16.000And I think with the NFL, we talk about that on my show a lot because like my girlfriend's dad's an ex-NFL football player and he's got two artificial hips, two knee surgeries, and two shoulder surgeries.
02:23:33.000He's a very successful businessman but like I got a buddy who's a CrossFitter who's a Super Bowl fucking – he's a CrossFitter now but he was in the Super Bowl.
02:23:42.000He's won national championship in football and high school championship in football and he is – he's got all these injuries from football.
02:23:51.000But like he will tell you that CrossFit is like keeping him in the game because like there's nothing better for your back they say than doing deep back squats.
02:24:13.000Same kind of thing where I'm going to – mine goes really deep because – That's where you're going to get your explosiveness at the top.
02:24:19.000They think, oh, I don't want to go that low.
02:24:21.000And I'm like, I want to get as low down as I can because right there is where your nerve are going to fire and you're going to be able to explode.
02:24:28.000Dude, we need to get you to do jiu-jitsu.
02:24:31.000You're overflowing with manly exercises and you don't have an outlet for them where you can see your progress other than the exercises themselves.
02:27:26.000If anybody had a lack of self-control as a young man, it was me.
02:27:29.000That's one of the reasons my parents didn't actually want me doing martial arts because they were worried that I was going to start using it on people.
02:27:34.000That was the number one fear in our house.
02:27:36.000I had to convince them I wouldn't do that.
02:27:40.000But it allows you, you know, at least if that guy jumped on you, attacked you, or didn't have a knife or something, you know, where it was a weapon, you're in trouble, at least you can kind of defend yourself.
02:27:50.000You know, you put yourself in a better position.
02:27:52.000And it's a great way to exercise, a great way to blow off steam, and it's interesting.
02:31:44.000He's going to come down and regale us with stories of old school criminal adventures and his ball sack, which, by the way, got him kicked off of Facebook.
02:32:03.000It's my balls, and they're hanging out there with fucking, there's a vein, a beautiful vein, and I'm pulling out, and it says, where I got my balls.
02:32:11.000That's the name of my special, my documentary.
02:32:15.000Wouldn't that be like his dad's balls then?
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02:33:40.000All the answers to all your questions are on onnit.com, O-N-N-I-T. Please Google nootropics.
02:33:46.000Do your due diligence before you take any supplement.
02:33:48.000Don't expect miracles, but expect it to actually increase your brain's ability to process information, and it makes you talk cleaner.
02:33:58.000It actually pumps up your body's ability to produce neurotransmitters.
02:34:01.000It's all very controversial, but something that I absolutely stand by and believe in.
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