The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #2093 - Sober October Crew

00:00:01.000 Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out!

00:00:04.000 The Joe Rogan Experience.

00:00:06.000 Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day.

00:00:18.000 Is that the one?

00:00:20.000 His Instagram is performance art.

00:00:23.000 They don't appreciate it because performance art is snobby. 0.98

00:00:27.000 And you think you have to be left-leaning, liberal, super fucking progressive. 0.84

00:00:36.000 That's the only way you can have performance art. 0.95

00:00:38.000 But no, what Andrew Dice Clay is doing is some of the best wild performance.

00:00:41.000 This is the funniest thing on Instagram.

00:00:42.000 Wild performance.

00:00:43.000 The hat.

00:00:44.000 The king's hat.

00:00:45.000 The king's hat.

00:00:47.000 What about the hat?

00:00:48.000 My hat.

00:00:49.000 The king's hat.

00:00:50.000 It's good.

00:00:51.000 No, but I'm saying I can see that you're a fan.

00:00:54.000 No, we're talking about my co-worker.

00:00:56.000 Oh, no, if you wanted a picture, you know.

00:00:59.000 I see that.

00:01:03.000 No, you wanted the picture with me.

00:01:06.000 No?

00:01:07.000 Yes, no?

00:01:08.000 You want me to take you a picture?

00:01:10.000 No, I thought...

00:01:12.000 No, I'm just a simple person.

00:01:15.000 Alright?

00:01:16.000 I just said the king's hat and I haven't even worn it in four years.

00:01:23.000 He does this to so many unsuspecting people. 0.99

00:01:27.000 It's fucking hilarious. 0.99

00:01:29.000 Wait, did you see the one with Matt Damon? 0.99

00:01:32.000 No.

00:01:33.000 He just got Matt Damon?

00:01:34.000 He got Matt Damon?

00:01:35.000 Get Matt Damon. 1.00

00:01:36.000 Matt Damon's at the fucking airport having a beer and a burger. 0.99

00:01:42.000 And he goes, I'm getting anxiety. 0.99

00:01:44.000 You just gotta see it. 0.92

00:01:45.000 It's so fucking good. 0.96

00:01:46.000 It's so fucking good. 0.99

00:01:49.000 And Matt Damon is the sweetest animal alive. 0.97

00:01:51.000 He just looks at him like, huh?

00:01:53.000 Huh? 1.00

00:01:54.000 And by the way, Matt Damon's at fucking LAX in Delta just having a burger and a beer like a regular fucking dude. 0.99

00:02:02.000 He is just hanging out. 0.99

00:02:03.000 You gotta find the video.

00:02:04.000 He seems like a very normal guy.

00:02:06.000 But he's like, this is why I don't do this.

00:02:08.000 I've only had a couple interactions with him. 0.99

00:02:10.000 I think that's fucking Southwest. 0.99

00:02:11.000 This isn't even a lounge. 0.99

00:02:13.000 No, it's not a lounge.

00:02:14.000 Right.

00:02:15.000 His face with the glasses.

00:02:19.000 The picture with the face.

00:02:23.000 No, no. 0.99

00:02:25.000 Matt Damon has no fucking idea. 0.99

00:02:28.000 He has no idea. 1.00

00:02:28.000 He has no fucking idea. 1.00

00:02:29.000 Now here's the question, is that legal? 0.99

00:02:32.000 Sort of, but it should not be.

00:02:33.000 But is that legal?

00:02:34.000 You can just take some guy who's working at an upholstery shop, and Andrew Dice Clay is like, he wanted the picture.

00:02:41.000 He does it on street corners a lot, so you're in public, right?

00:02:45.000 And if you're in public, you can be filmed.

00:02:47.000 Which is also wild.

00:02:49.000 Which is wild.

00:02:50.000 It's kind of wild.

00:02:51.000 And you can be filmed against your knowledge.

00:02:54.000 Yeah, it's kind of wild. 0.95

00:02:55.000 My favorite is when those young white kids do it to just black dudes, and then they're like, hey, did you want me to kiss me on the lips? 1.00

00:03:01.000 And the guy goes, no, you're talking to the wrong motherfucker. 0.99

00:03:04.000 And he's like, in a second, and then he just jaws the dude and knocks him unconscious, and you're like, that's even a bunch. 1.00

00:03:09.000 There's a bunch of those that go sideways that are stupid. 1.00

00:03:11.000 It's like, well, you got it. 1.00

00:03:12.000 They're not really thought out.

00:03:13.000 Or there's the fart prank.

00:03:15.000 You know, like, there's people that do...

00:03:16.000 Fart in elevators? 0.98

00:03:17.000 No, they'll fart, like, in public, but they'll go to, like, the hood, and then, like, walk up where people are hanging out, and then just fart, and you see black people be like, nah. 1.00

00:03:26.000 And, like, get up and, like, chase you. 0.92

00:03:29.000 Like, it's...

00:03:29.000 It's because it's, like, you're trying to elicit this reaction that's...

00:03:32.000 Do you remember Kentucky Black movie?

00:03:33.000 Yeah.

00:03:34.000 It's very dangerous.

00:03:35.000 It's super dangerous to do that.

00:03:37.000 Yeah, it's very, very dangerous.

00:03:39.000 Because they don't know that you're doing a prank.

00:03:42.000 No. 0.97

00:03:42.000 They think you're a crazy person. 0.97

00:03:44.000 And they think you came over. 1.00

00:03:46.000 They think they can get stabbed. 0.98

00:03:46.000 If someone's that nuts, they just get right in your face out of nowhere with some goofy thing to say. 0.98

00:03:52.000 And if you're doing the fart one, they think you're coming over to where people are just to fart on someone. 0.92

00:03:58.000 Yeah.

00:03:58.000 It doesn't go well.

00:03:59.000 They're like, no, it's for a prank for my YouTube.

00:04:01.000 They're like, huh?

00:04:02.000 What are you talking about?

00:04:03.000 You just picked the wrong people, and they just instantly go into violence. 1.00

00:04:07.000 Did you see the fucking guy? 1.00

00:04:09.000 Oh my god, this is in Europe, where his prank was he pours liquefied dog shit on people. 1.00

00:04:17.000 Oh my god. 1.00

00:04:18.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:04:18.000 He just got arrested.

00:04:20.000 So you're on the subway, and he has a bucket.

00:04:23.000 Oh no. 1.00

00:04:23.000 Of dog shit that he's put in the bucket and put water in. 1.00

00:04:27.000 Oh my gosh. 1.00

00:04:27.000 And then he dumps it on people. 1.00

00:04:29.000 He dumps it on their heads? 1.00

00:04:30.000 Just kill them. 1.00

00:04:31.000 Yeah, dude. 1.00

00:04:31.000 YouTuber arrested for throwing bucket of poo on train passengers. 1.00

00:04:35.000 He's done it many times.

00:04:36.000 Like, several times.

00:04:37.000 And he's filming- He's got just- Oh my god.

00:04:38.000 A prankster was arrested. 1.00

00:04:39.000 Oh, fuck this guy. 1.00

00:04:40.000 It's super insane. 1.00

00:04:41.000 Oh my god. 1.00

00:04:42.000 That's a bucket of shit. 1.00

00:04:43.000 Psychopath. 1.00

00:04:44.000 Yeah, and then he's just like... 1.00

00:04:45.000 What a psychopath. 1.00

00:04:47.000 He just dumps a bucket of shit on this guy's back. 1.00

00:04:49.000 Belgium. 1.00

00:04:50.000 I've heard nothing's crap. 1.00

00:04:51.000 And that's an easy way to be dead. 0.99

00:04:53.000 You do that to the wrong person.

00:04:55.000 They'll throw you in front of the truck. 0.94

00:04:56.000 Any person.

00:04:57.000 That is so crazy.

00:04:58.000 Yeah, there's a lot of people that...

00:04:59.000 That is so crazy.

00:05:01.000 It's totally insane. 0.95

00:05:01.000 He just dumped it on that guy's neck. 0.95

00:05:03.000 Yeah.

00:05:04.000 It feels like water for a second, and then you gotta realize. 1.00

00:05:06.000 Oh, just shit all over you. 1.00

00:05:08.000 Shit all over you? 1.00

00:05:09.000 Hours from home. 1.00

00:05:09.000 Look at that little black chick going, what? 1.00

00:05:12.000 She's like, I'm gonna be a prankster. 0.99

00:05:16.000 It's insane.

00:05:17.000 This is the most insane thing I've seen.

00:05:19.000 What?

00:05:19.000 But that is, like, he's now being charged with assault, battery, like, you know.

00:05:22.000 Well, I think it's, like, bio-terrorism, too.

00:05:25.000 There's something weird. 0.99

00:05:27.000 Like, human shit falls into a weird category. 1.00

00:05:30.000 Yeah, spitting on someone is almost like hitting them. 1.00

00:05:34.000 There was a guy in New York who was rubbing shit in people's faces in the subways. 0.99

00:05:37.000 Really? 1.00

00:05:38.000 Yeah, just coming behind him with pickup dog shit and then just rubbing on people. 1.00

00:05:41.000 Dude, Native Americans used to dip their arrowheads in shit just to ensure that you'd be infected. 1.00

00:05:46.000 We gotta take care of that. 1.00

00:05:47.000 Yeah, to poison people when you get hit.

00:05:49.000 Right, because immediately infection was started. 0.55

00:05:52.000 Yeah, you're getting infected.

00:05:53.000 They knew about that. 1.00

00:05:55.000 Shit is what caused all the plagues. 1.00

00:05:57.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:05:58.000 It's what caused all the plagues. 0.99

00:05:59.000 We saw that guy that would shit in his hand. 1.00

00:06:01.000 Tom and I have an offer out to Mark Cuban to rub shit on our faces for $1.75 million. 1.00

00:06:07.000 His shit? 1.00

00:06:08.000 Your shit. 1.00

00:06:09.000 He rubs it on your face barehanded? 1.00

00:06:12.000 No. 1.00

00:06:13.000 Now listen, we're hoping that Elon hears this and then ups the ante and says, Mark, if you shit on your face, I'll give another 1.75. 1.00

00:06:20.000 But yeah, Tom's fans of this guy that shits on his face. 1.00

00:06:24.000 Wait a minute, there's a guy that you're a fan of that shits on his face? 1.00

00:06:28.000 There's this guy. 1.00

00:06:31.000 Jesus Christ.

00:06:32.000 There's this guy that will, like, he'll do like a birthday wish naked. 1.00

00:06:36.000 He just stands there naked and then he flops his dick around. 1.00

00:06:39.000 But if you pay him more, he'll shit in his hand. 1.00

00:06:42.000 You're not going to believe this? 1.00

00:06:43.000 It's actually worse when you see it.

00:06:44.000 It's pretty bad.

00:06:46.000 It's pretty bad.

00:06:48.000 That's naked Martin.

00:06:50.000 Oh my god, it's worse when you see it?

00:06:53.000 It's pretty bad.

00:06:54.000 It's so bad, Joe.

00:06:54.000 Joe, Joe, Joe, you haven't even heard the worst.

00:06:57.000 Oh, Joe, you got a surprise coming your way!

00:06:59.000 You got a surprise coming your way!

00:07:02.000 Don't worry, Joe, you'll get it.

00:07:03.000 Am I going to have to watch this?

00:07:04.000 Oh, you'll get it.

00:07:06.000 There he is.

00:07:07.000 Are you going to make me watch this?

00:07:08.000 What?

00:07:08.000 He looks just like you.

00:07:09.000 Do the one with the oranges, Tom, please.

00:07:11.000 When I do your mom's house, dude, I had a really hard time not throwing up.

00:07:15.000 There's multiple times I had to look away.

00:07:17.000 Oh, Jesus.

00:07:18.000 This guy looks like old Joe.

00:07:19.000 If you go to his Naked Martin Twitter, You might be able to find it, Jamie.

00:07:24.000 Nakedmartin.co.uk, is that what it is?

00:07:27.000 Just for the folks at home?

00:07:28.000 This is if you want to book a video.

00:07:30.000 Folks, if you want to get yourself a video, the gentleman is Naked Martin.

00:07:38.000 Naked Martin. 0.95

00:07:40.000 Naked Martin is all about showing his hog. 0.96

00:07:43.000 Which, by the way, is... 0.98

00:07:44.000 No, no, stop.

00:07:46.000 Hold on.

00:07:46.000 How did he do that?

00:07:47.000 The guy's magic?

00:07:48.000 He's magic?

00:07:51.000 That's a reverse video. 0.99

00:07:52.000 By the way, that's a promo video I would have done in a fucking heartbeat. 1.00

00:07:57.000 Sell some fucking tickets. 0.99

00:07:59.000 Can I just pause to point something out here? 1.00

00:08:00.000 How wild is Twitter? 0.98

00:08:02.000 You can have full porn on Twitter. 1.00

00:08:04.000 Twitter goes full porn. 0.98

00:08:06.000 But for some reason, that is like outside of the conversation when it comes to advertiser boycotts.

00:08:12.000 That's totally true.

00:08:13.000 Isn't that interesting?

00:08:14.000 Because they're saying, if you allow certain kinds of conversations, we won't advertise.

00:08:19.000 Is he going to cover his glasses?

00:08:20.000 Go back to the glasses.

00:08:21.000 Is he going to cover his glasses?

00:08:23.000 Yes!

00:08:24.000 What's he going to do with that? 0.99

00:08:25.000 What the fuck are you making me watch? 0.99

00:08:28.000 Look, his stomach's pulsating. 1.00

00:08:31.000 Put him on!

00:08:33.000 By the way, that's not that bad.

00:08:36.000 I'd do that. 0.99

00:08:36.000 This guy's gonna jerk off on food that he eats. 0.99

00:08:38.000 I saw food, Martin. 0.95

00:08:39.000 Joe, I don't think the video's over.

00:08:45.000 If I know Martin, he's got another trick up that sleeve.

00:08:48.000 What are you gonna do, Martin?

00:08:50.000 What are you gonna do, Martin? 1.00

00:08:53.000 There you fucking go! 1.00

00:08:55.000 That's why he makes some big bucks, motherfucker! 1.00

00:08:58.000 I legit just retched. 1.00

00:09:00.000 Legit just retched. 1.00

00:09:02.000 I almost lost it.

00:09:03.000 You gotta find a face smothering, Jamie.

00:09:06.000 On your own, find a face smothering.

00:09:08.000 Don't do it.

00:09:10.000 Don't do it, Jamie.

00:09:11.000 Bring it back when you find it.

00:09:12.000 I think I need smelling salt.

00:09:14.000 Okay, but I wanted to ask you this.

00:09:16.000 I remember you had Jack Dorsey.

00:09:19.000 No!

00:09:19.000 Stop, Jamie.

00:09:21.000 I need a drink.

00:09:22.000 I need a cigar.

00:09:23.000 I need something to clean the pen.

00:09:24.000 Jesus Christ, that's so crazy.

00:09:26.000 That's someone's baby boy. 1.00

00:09:27.000 Oh, fuck. 1.00

00:09:28.000 No, no, no more. 1.00

00:09:29.000 Come on, buddy.

00:09:30.000 Come on, man.

00:09:32.000 This is depressing the shit out of me. 0.96

00:09:33.000 That's someone's baby boy. 0.97

00:09:34.000 Someone was playing catch with that kid in the park.

00:09:36.000 Wait, hold on.

00:09:37.000 So, when you've had, like, back in the day, you had Jack Dorsey on, you've had Zuckerberg on, and you've talked about, you know, Censorship.

00:09:46.000 What gets policed?

00:09:47.000 Because it always feels like these big companies have inconsistent rules about what they do.

00:09:55.000 Oh, if it's this, and this could be misinformation, or we don't know if we can verify.

00:09:59.000 It never feels like, oh, that's the clear answer.

00:10:01.000 But on Instagram, there's this thing where somebody could say something about whatever, a political candidate, maybe COVID, and then people go like...

00:10:10.000 That account is gone, right?

00:10:12.000 Or it's like, but you and I have a text thread that is pretty horrific that is fueled only by Instagram.

00:10:22.000 And you're like, wait, why is all this okay? 0.99

00:10:25.000 Tom and I every day send each other the most horrific shit we find on Instagram. 1.00

00:10:31.000 It's bad. 1.00

00:10:32.000 Every day.

00:10:33.000 It's bad.

00:10:33.000 It's people getting run over by trains every day.

00:10:37.000 It's people getting mauled by animals.

00:10:38.000 What do they say?

00:10:39.000 What's the reason?

00:10:39.000 Shot.

00:10:41.000 Oh, electrocuted, hit by lightning, dump trucks fall on top of them.

00:10:46.000 I actually ran into an engineer at Meta two days ago, and he was talking to me, and I was like, what's up with this?

00:10:55.000 And he's like, yeah, there's just so many accounts.

00:10:57.000 And I'm like, no.

00:10:58.000 I go, these are accounts that have been up forever, and they just have murders.

00:11:02.000 Well, here, not only that, they just show up in my feed, and I'm not following them.

00:11:07.000 Oh, yeah, of course.

00:11:08.000 That's the algorithm. 1.00

00:11:09.000 It's like the algorithm knows that I've watched that shit. 0.99

00:11:12.000 He said if you look at something for two seconds, that means they will start sending you more. 1.00

00:11:16.000 So does the algorithm recognize that you like car accidents?

00:11:20.000 For sure.

00:11:21.000 Or that you're watching them.

00:11:22.000 It's just saying this guy will watch a car.

00:11:24.000 It's not enough to like, don't click on that because it'll lead to more.

00:11:26.000 But my point is that that means that the algorithm recognizes what that video is.

00:11:32.000 Right.

00:11:32.000 So if the algorithm recognizes what that video is and it doesn't flag it.

00:11:35.000 Then it could take it off if it wanted to.

00:11:39.000 Right.

00:11:39.000 Exactly.

00:11:40.000 But if they wanted to just not only let the algorithm encourage you to watch it, but leave the videos up.

00:11:47.000 Because the baseline goal of all those is keep you on the platform.

00:11:51.000 We should go back in our text thread like six months and see if any of those videos are still up.

00:11:57.000 I bet you a lot are.

00:11:59.000 That would be wild.

00:12:00.000 Yeah.

00:12:00.000 Because some of the ones, there's so many war ones.

00:12:03.000 There's so many ones of like drones dropping down on people and you're watching their legs blow off.

00:12:08.000 I watched a dude get sucked into a sinkhole. 0.87

00:12:10.000 I saw four black chicks fall into a sinkhole. 1.00

00:12:14.000 Sinkholes are crazy. 1.00

00:12:16.000 That's Florida. 0.86

00:12:16.000 Sinkholes are crazy. 0.86

00:12:18.000 Like one day your house can just fall into a bottomless pit.

00:12:21.000 Yeah.

00:12:22.000 Out of nowhere, the earth collapses underneath where your structure is.

00:12:26.000 A car in an intersection just swallowed up.

00:12:28.000 Swallowed up.

00:12:28.000 And you realize that like, who do you call?

00:12:31.000 Do you think you're like, hey, I'm mad at the mayor.

00:12:34.000 The earth just did it. 0.95

00:12:37.000 Well, the reality is asphalt is preposterous. 0.96

00:12:41.000 It's a ridiculous idea. 0.96

00:12:43.000 It fucks up erosion. 0.99

00:12:44.000 It does so many things.

00:12:46.000 It fucks up absorption of the water naturally into the ground.

00:12:50.000 You're covering everything with rock.

00:12:53.000 Yeah.

00:12:54.000 They're gonna call you an anti-falter.

00:12:55.000 And then underneath that, what's happening?

00:12:57.000 What's happening underneath all that rock?

00:12:59.000 I would imagine a lot of that water's moving around in there, and if it creates a nice little pocket, and then you get the weight of all these buildings, and then one day, just...

00:13:08.000 They just go under, dude!

00:13:11.000 They've lost blocks!

00:13:13.000 Have you ever seen those crazy giant sinkholes where a whole block has fallen into it?

00:13:18.000 See if you can find a giant sinkhole.

00:13:20.000 That's not real.

00:13:21.000 That's not real.

00:13:23.000 That's photoshopped.

00:13:24.000 Is that photoshopped?

00:13:25.000 It has to be.

00:13:26.000 Look at it.

00:13:26.000 Read the caption.

00:13:27.000 Oh no, it's real.

00:13:28.000 That might be after they imploded it.

00:13:31.000 No man, it might be real.

00:13:32.000 It's so deep though.

00:13:33.000 Let me double check for another source.

00:13:35.000 Yeah, let Jamie double check, but I think that one was real.

00:13:40.000 They did a good job with the overhang.

00:13:41.000 Look, if you're looking at the ground, you're thinking the ground.

00:13:46.000 If you're looking down, right?

00:13:47.000 You're thinking the ground.

00:13:49.000 I think it's real, dude.

00:13:51.000 It's real.

00:13:52.000 That was the original 9-11 memorial. 0.99

00:13:53.000 It's insane because it looks like a fucking UFO just went through the earth. 0.99

00:13:56.000 It looks like a black hole went through the earth. 0.99

00:13:59.000 It looks so perfectly cut.

00:14:01.000 How lucky are you if you're the house on the corner that now has a beautiful view?

00:14:05.000 So lucky.

00:14:05.000 Bro, how much are you thinking about moving?

00:14:09.000 How much are you thinking about moving?

00:14:11.000 Hey, be careful coming out.

00:14:13.000 Be careful leaving.

00:14:14.000 It came out in almost a perfect circle.

00:14:17.000 Yeah.

00:14:17.000 That's so weird.

00:14:19.000 Doesn't that make you feel so small in the world, though? 0.99

00:14:23.000 I would want to get the fuck away from there. 0.99

00:14:26.000 Of course. 0.99

00:14:27.000 Of course. 0.98

00:14:27.000 I would want to get the fuck away from that spot. 0.98

00:14:30.000 That spot might fall into the earth. 0.99

00:14:32.000 But it just makes you feel like you're so arrogant to think that any of this is yours.

00:14:37.000 The arrogance when the big waves were coming in to California like a month ago about, I drove the girls out to go look at the big waves. 0.86

00:14:45.000 They were fucking massive, 20 feet. 0.81

00:14:47.000 It's really impressive. 0.99

00:14:48.000 It sounds like thunder.

00:14:50.000 Wow.

00:14:50.000 And Isla got swept out by a wave.

00:14:54.000 There's a video of it.

00:14:55.000 It's not bad.

00:14:56.000 She's fine.

00:14:57.000 But it's funny.

00:14:59.000 It's on my Instagram.

00:15:01.000 How swept out?

00:15:02.000 You can see it.

00:15:03.000 She didn't get taken out to sea.

00:15:05.000 She got overtaken by a wave.

00:15:07.000 And it was, it's funny because it's very lighthearted, but then as, and I don't even think I handed it well as a parent.

00:15:13.000 Yeah, you filmed it and it didn't help?

00:15:15.000 I filmed and then said, is your cell phone in your pocket?

00:15:18.000 And so, but what's crazy is the moment of clarity after that, where you go, hold on, we're not safe here.

00:15:27.000 Like this is, oh, hang on, this is actually really dangerous.

00:15:31.000 This is Isla. 0.99

00:15:32.000 And she just, like she was just fucking around and then. 1.00

00:15:34.000 Oh boy. 1.00

00:15:36.000 And it's, like, aggressive.

00:15:38.000 Of course, we're all laughing.

00:15:41.000 She's far enough away where I'm not scared.

00:15:44.000 Sort of, but if she slipped further back, that's all coming back.

00:15:47.000 But what I'm saying is that, like, that's one of those, you know, 50 feet here, 50 feet there things. 0.97

00:15:54.000 Like, if you fuck up and you're 50 feet in front of that, and you think you can get away... 0.94

00:15:58.000 I've had multiple ocean scares now. 0.99

00:16:00.000 Like, the ones where you're, like...

00:16:02.000 Crying on the beach.

00:16:03.000 Well, no, just that, like, in the moment...

00:16:06.000 I keep telling myself, don't panic, don't panic, don't panic.

00:16:09.000 And one I remember was in Hawaii where we rented a Jeep and we were like, we want to go see something.

00:16:16.000 So they tell you, oh, take this road.

00:16:18.000 And it takes you to this single road that goes up where there used to be volcanoes.

00:16:23.000 And we come up on this beach.

00:16:24.000 And they had mentioned the beach, but not really too much about it.

00:16:28.000 And so when we parked...

00:16:30.000 I was like, I love the ocean water, I'm gonna get in the ocean, you know?

00:16:33.000 So I get in the ocean, and I remember that going in, the beach into the water was a decline, right?

00:16:39.000 So like, you go down.

00:16:41.000 And I was just like, knee deep in there, about to, and I was like, man, this current is pulling back hard, like really hard.

00:16:49.000 And I kind of take a step back and I feel myself going further down a decline into the ocean, right?

00:16:57.000 And when I decide to get out, I have to really push hard, like all legs, like boom, boom, like run, like you're running up a hill to get out. 0.97

00:17:06.000 And I was like, that was fucking... 0.94

00:17:08.000 That was kind of scary. 0.99

00:17:11.000 There was a WWE wrestler.

00:17:13.000 They tell me, though, when I get back to the hotel...

00:17:15.000 They go, I go, yeah, we took it.

00:17:17.000 I go, that beach was a little scary.

00:17:20.000 They go, did you get in the water?

00:17:22.000 And I go, yeah.

00:17:23.000 And they go, oh, you can't get in that water.

00:17:25.000 They're like, you'll drown in that water.

00:17:27.000 Did you notice there was nobody swimming there?

00:17:28.000 I go, yeah, I noticed.

00:17:29.000 I thought it was beautiful. 0.99

00:17:30.000 I thought I found a fucking oasis. 1.00

00:17:32.000 They don't tell you? 1.00

00:17:33.000 They didn't tell me.

00:17:34.000 They're like, do not swim in that water.

00:17:36.000 They're like, you can't swim out of that.

00:17:38.000 They're like, if you had swam 10 feet in, they're like, you're just gone.

00:17:42.000 Oh my god!

00:17:44.000 And the panic you feel, especially in retrospect, because you remember the feeling of being like, I think I'm stuck here.

00:17:49.000 You know, I think I'm stuck right now.

00:17:51.000 Fitzsimmons saved a lady in Thailand.

00:17:53.000 Really?

00:17:53.000 Yeah, someone was drowning and Fitzsimmons swam out and saved them.

00:17:58.000 Really?

00:17:59.000 Yeah, I'm pretty sure it was Thailand.

00:18:00.000 Somewhere crazy like that.

00:18:02.000 Yeah, he was on vacation.

00:18:04.000 I might have made up Thailand.

00:18:08.000 It doesn't sound like a place Fitzsimmons would go.

00:18:10.000 No, he would go.

00:18:11.000 He's a world traveler.

00:18:12.000 No, he's a Hawaii guy.

00:18:13.000 He surfs in Hawaii.

00:18:14.000 Wherever it was.

00:18:15.000 What?

00:18:15.000 Fitzsimmons went in the ocean and saved a lady.

00:18:17.000 No shit. 1.00

00:18:17.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:18:18.000 I saw my dad save a lady.

00:18:20.000 That's a scary thing.

00:18:21.000 In a resort.

00:18:22.000 It was at the bottom of the pool.

00:18:24.000 Just laying at the bottom of the pool.

00:18:25.000 Oh my God.

00:18:26.000 When I was like nine years old, it was like father, son, he took me to this resort, and there's a slide.

00:18:31.000 You ever go on a slide where the water that comes off the slide, so in other words, when you hit the water, it's like high impact.

00:18:39.000 You're like, holy shit, and it pushes you down. 0.85

00:18:42.000 I'm nine years old, so this was many years ago. 0.99

00:18:44.000 And I remember, like, I could swim.

00:18:46.000 I was on swim team, like, as a little kid. 0.99

00:18:49.000 But I remember being like, fuck, that is powerful. 0.99

00:18:52.000 Like, it pushes you down, right? 0.99

00:18:53.000 And you just swim up, and we're all, people are, you know, at the resort.

00:18:57.000 And then look down, and my dad swims to the bottom of the pool and pulls up this lifeless body.

00:19:06.000 And then they do CPR, and she came back. 0.99

00:19:09.000 Shut up! 1.00

00:19:10.000 And they would write letters to our house for years. 1.00

00:19:13.000 She was 19. She wasn't a little kid.

00:19:16.000 Did you see the guy, the snowboarder upside down when the random skier comes by?

00:19:20.000 Yes!

00:19:21.000 Just sees a snowboard sticking this far out of the snow?

00:19:23.000 Is this the one where...

00:19:25.000 And the guy was buried under the snow. 0.99

00:19:27.000 He goes, what the fuck? 0.99

00:19:28.000 He stops. 0.99

00:19:29.000 You saved the guy's life randomly.

00:19:31.000 Is this separate?

00:19:33.000 Have you seen the footage where the guy's wearing the GoPro?

00:19:35.000 I've seen that.

00:19:35.000 Right?

00:19:36.000 And then he's like, falls into the ditch.

00:19:38.000 Into like a hole.

00:19:39.000 That is visceral.

00:19:41.000 Oh my god.

00:19:42.000 And then he's just like, we'll see what happens.

00:19:45.000 Obviously, he got out because there's footage, but when you're watching that, you're like, oh my god, you could just fall in there forever, and apparently that's something that happens.

00:19:53.000 Tree wells?

00:19:53.000 That's something that happens.

00:19:55.000 So this guy just falls, and then watch this.

00:19:58.000 Bro.

00:19:59.000 What?

00:20:00.000 I know Bert's feeling this.

00:20:02.000 No, I've had a couple experiences like this.

00:20:04.000 He manages to stop himself. 1.00

00:20:05.000 He's like, what the fuck? 1.00

00:20:07.000 How the fuck do you get out of that? 1.00

00:20:09.000 How the fuck do you get out of that? 1.00

00:20:11.000 Fuck the skis. 1.00

00:20:12.000 How did he get out of that? 1.00

00:20:13.000 It's over, Joe.

00:20:13.000 But no, he's out.

00:20:15.000 I think I've read about this.

00:20:18.000 They had to get search and rescue.

00:20:19.000 He had to hang out down there for a while.

00:20:20.000 Search and rescue had to come up. 0.99

00:20:22.000 Holy shit, he's so lucky. 0.99

00:20:24.000 He's so lucky that he stopped right there. 0.99

00:20:27.000 Right here he's not flailing.

00:20:29.000 He's putting his arm and his ski out.

00:20:32.000 So this guy was able to keep some composure.

00:20:36.000 Which is kind of the craziest part.

00:20:38.000 Oh my god.

00:20:39.000 So this is the snowboarder that's buried upside down.

00:20:41.000 So this guy just sees that little blue piece.

00:20:43.000 Bro.

00:20:45.000 Just randomly.

00:20:45.000 This happened to me.

00:20:46.000 Skied right over him.

00:20:47.000 Yeah, he easily could have missed that.

00:20:50.000 There's not much blue.

00:20:51.000 Soft snow, he's in a tree well is what it is.

00:20:53.000 So the tree wells, it's really soft, soft snow. 1.00

00:20:56.000 So if you get stuck in a tree well, you are fucking dead. 0.97

00:20:59.000 A lot of people die in tree wells. 1.00

00:21:01.000 God damn. 0.99

00:21:02.000 Yeah, I'm thinking of getting one of those GPS things. 0.99

00:21:04.000 We went snowboarding in Matterhorn, hella skiing, and the guy put a beacon on us.

00:21:10.000 And the first thing he said, he puts a beacon, it's like four feet of powder.

00:21:13.000 And he says, this is so we can find the body.

00:21:17.000 And I was like, what?

00:21:19.000 He's like, you might fall into a crevasse or an avalanche.

00:21:22.000 So we put the beacon on to find the body.

00:21:25.000 Whoa.

00:21:27.000 That feeling.

00:21:27.000 This happened to me.

00:21:28.000 That feeling is terrifying.

00:21:30.000 This guy's like, thank you.

00:21:31.000 Good.

00:21:32.000 We'll get you out of here in a sec, okay?

00:21:36.000 He was dead.

00:21:36.000 He knew he was dead too.

00:21:37.000 I'm feeling panic watching this.

00:21:39.000 He knew he was dead.

00:21:39.000 So what happens is, like what happened to me when we were heliskiing is I fell face forward in powder.

00:21:46.000 Snow skiing, snowboarding in powder, four feet of powder is very different than snowboarding.

00:21:51.000 It's like you have to have your bindings reset, you have to really know how to ride the powder, and I could not turn right.

00:21:57.000 And the guy told me, he's like, don't go within five feet of my tracks.

00:22:01.000 Stay within my tracks.

00:22:02.000 So the whole time, I can only turn left.

00:22:05.000 At the time, I really wasn't that good of a snowboarder.

00:22:07.000 But I could snowboard, but not in powder.

00:22:09.000 And so he's going like this, and all I can do is go left, and I'm just going off the track.

00:22:14.000 Oh, no. 0.98

00:22:15.000 And I'm fucking panicking. 0.98

00:22:17.000 By the way, we're at like 13,000 feet, 14,000 feet. 0.98

00:22:21.000 It's very little oxygen.

00:22:22.000 I'm gassed.

00:22:23.000 I'm fat. 0.71

00:22:24.000 I'm hungover.

00:22:24.000 It's the day after the national championship that we went to.

00:22:27.000 So we had eaten edibles.

00:22:28.000 It was the day after that?

00:22:29.000 It was the day after that. 0.99

00:22:30.000 I flew to fucking... 0.99

00:22:31.000 I flew to Switzerland and immediately landed and went hella skiing. 0.99

00:22:36.000 I don't remember that.

00:22:37.000 And so...

00:22:37.000 No, no, no.

00:22:38.000 When we went to Florida State versus Alabama.

00:22:40.000 Oh, 2013. Yeah, 2013. So, all of a sudden, I go to cut right, and I catch my nose, and I fucking go face first in the snow.

00:22:50.000 And at first, I'm like, fine. 0.93

00:22:52.000 I push my arms in, and they just do not touch anything.

00:22:56.000 It just goes like this.

00:22:57.000 And now snow's impacted on my face, so I can't really breathe. 0.94

00:23:01.000 And first of all, I deal with panic, but panic kicks in immediately, and I'm like, this is why I have the fucking beacon on.

00:23:09.000 And so I try to clear the snow out of my face, but I'm like pulling all the muscles in my back trying to turn over.

00:23:15.000 And then the guy just comes up behind me, grabs me on the back, flips me over and he goes, you should see your sound guy.

00:23:21.000 My sound guy's upside down, skis kicking, upside down in the snow. 0.97

00:23:25.000 And we just got the fuck out. 0.99

00:23:26.000 We got on a helicopter and got the fuck out. 0.98

00:23:28.000 I was like, this isn't safe. 0.98

00:23:29.000 Yeah, I'm not interested in any of that nonsense.

00:23:32.000 Did I tell you about my last ski experience?

00:23:36.000 I only used to ski with my family.

00:23:38.000 This resonates every time I go skiing because you go, it's not worth it.

00:23:42.000 He always says that.

00:23:43.000 He always says it every time I go skiing.

00:23:45.000 I would go skiing because they wanted to go skiing, and I would be like, this is fun, it's good for kids to learn early because they're really good at it, and my wife likes it.

00:23:54.000 But I would be like, don't get hurt, don't get hurt, don't get hurt, didn't get hurt.

00:23:59.000 Back up.

00:23:59.000 Don't get hurt, don't get hurt, don't get hurt, didn't get hurt.

00:24:02.000 Good.

00:24:03.000 So all I'm doing is mitigating risk.

00:24:05.000 The entire time I'm skiing. 0.99

00:24:06.000 Because I've had fucking three knee operations. 1.00

00:24:09.000 I really know what it's like to blow your shit apart. 1.00

00:24:12.000 And they're like, naive. 1.00

00:24:14.000 To how vulnerable your knees are. 1.00

00:24:16.000 And kids are fucking rubber. 1.00

00:24:18.000 They just fucking bounce off rocks and they're fine. 1.00

00:24:22.000 They fall down. 0.99

00:24:23.000 They only weigh 80 pounds.

00:24:24.000 They fall down and they get right back up.

00:24:25.000 Right back up.

00:24:26.000 But...

00:24:27.000 So this last time I was going around this turn and this lady didn't know how to ski and it looked like she was just a fresh beginner and she was like doing the pizza thing but she was sliding right into the trail and it's a narrow trail and I'm like I have two options.

00:24:44.000 I'm wiping this lady out or I'm gonna catastrophically fall down. 0.99

00:24:48.000 I went with option two. 0.98

00:24:50.000 And I fucking tried to slide around this lady, and my skis went up in the air, and I banged the back of my head hard. 1.00

00:24:57.000 Oh, fuck. 1.00

00:24:58.000 And I fractured my leg. 1.00

00:25:00.000 Oh, really?

00:25:01.000 Yeah, it's called an insufficiency fracture.

00:25:04.000 It's a fracture at the top of the fibula, or the tibia, rather, where the tibia touches the cartilage.

00:25:11.000 I had a fracture.

00:25:12.000 And I was 100% concussed.

00:25:16.000 Wow.

00:25:16.000 Because I got on...

00:25:17.000 Wait, hold on, hold on.

00:25:19.000 Excuse me?

00:25:19.000 Helmet?

00:25:20.000 Yeah, helmet on.

00:25:21.000 It didn't matter.

00:25:21.000 It was hard snow, head first.

00:25:24.000 Bam! 0.98

00:25:25.000 And I remember thinking, like, wow, that was a big one.

00:25:28.000 I remember thinking that, like, when I got hit, I was like, that's a big one.

00:25:31.000 And I got on the ski lift afterwards, and I just miscalculated, like, I wasn't coordinated, and I fell down, and I couldn't get up.

00:25:42.000 What?

00:25:42.000 I couldn't get up without help.

00:25:45.000 The lady had to help me get up. 1.00

00:25:47.000 She had to reach out and grab my hand. 0.96

00:25:48.000 Because of the concussion.

00:25:50.000 100%.

00:25:51.000 So I'm just...

00:25:54.000 Dizzy.

00:25:55.000 I'm off.

00:25:56.000 How long ago is this?

00:25:57.000 A couple years ago?

00:25:58.000 It was more than that.

00:26:00.000 It was pre-pandemic. 0.99

00:26:01.000 Joe, I think about this every time I go fucking snowboarding. 0.99

00:26:03.000 I think it was three years ago. 0.99

00:26:04.000 No, I think it was three years ago.

00:26:05.000 After pandemic?

00:26:06.000 Yeah, I think it was during pandemic.

00:26:08.000 It was when people started skiing again.

00:26:10.000 It was before.

00:26:10.000 It was definitely before.

00:26:11.000 I don't think so, man.

00:26:11.000 Joe, this story resonates- Maybe it's the last time he wants to ski.

00:26:14.000 At the most, it's four years old.

00:26:16.000 But I was like, that's just... 1.00

00:26:19.000 And then Shane Dorian tore his fucking knee apart. 0.99

00:26:22.000 World champion big wave surfer tears his knee apart snowboarding. 0.99

00:26:27.000 Just slammed into a tree and...

00:26:29.000 That's why you gotta ski, folks.

00:26:31.000 Oh, hey, hang on, hang on.

00:26:32.000 Do you want to hear a story about old...

00:26:33.000 I just told you I was skiing!

00:26:34.000 I was skiing!

00:26:35.000 You don't like snowboarding?

00:26:36.000 Oh, no, no, no, no.

00:26:37.000 Let me share the story of skiing with Ari Shafir.

00:26:40.000 So first of all, Ari gets this app that tracks how fast you're going.

00:26:43.000 So the entire ski trip is based on how fast can you get...

00:26:47.000 And Ari's like, I think I got up to 70. I bet I can break 75. I bet I can get 75. You're going 75 miles an hour on a skis?

00:26:56.000 I was trying to.

00:26:57.000 Yeah.

00:26:57.000 So we go, our last run in, there's, it's a blue.

00:27:02.000 Park City.

00:27:02.000 And Ari is absolutely reckless.

00:27:05.000 Off trail.

00:27:05.000 Well, because O'Neal's better than me.

00:27:06.000 I'm like, let's race.

00:27:07.000 And I'm like, go.

00:27:08.000 And I just got the one second head start.

00:27:10.000 So we got Sean Patton, Mark Normand, O'Neal, Renesee. 0.99

00:27:14.000 Fat Jay, loser. 0.99

00:27:15.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:27:15.000 And we're all just, all we're doing is skiing to a bar, okay? 0.99

00:27:18.000 We're all going to go get drunk and ski to a bar, and I just hear Ari fucking basketball. 1.00

00:27:22.000 He dresses like a fucking 13-year-old basketball jersey, fucking, he's got the Viking horn helmet on, like a fucking lunatic. 1.00

00:27:31.000 This isn't, is this? 1.00

00:27:32.000 That's my magic.

00:27:33.000 That's Ari. 0.99

00:27:34.000 That's my magic jersey, though.

00:27:35.000 And look, I got my sweatpants over the chair.

00:27:38.000 And so Ari, we're at the top of the mountain.

00:27:40.000 He's like, let's see how fast we can go before we go to the bar.

00:27:42.000 And I was like, I'm on a snowboard.

00:27:44.000 The fastest I'm getting is 37 miles per hour.

00:27:46.000 That's the fastest I'm going.

00:27:47.000 And I'm terrified.

00:27:48.000 Because I hear you in my head going, it's not worth it.

00:27:50.000 It's not worth it.

00:27:51.000 Because he'd already stopped. 1.00

00:27:52.000 Ari decides to break the sound barrier, pins his feet together, and like a goddamn bullet starts fucking flying. 1.00

00:28:01.000 Literally, feet in front of the bar, wipes out and breaks his wrist. 0.99

00:28:04.000 Some snowboarder turned back too fast.

00:28:06.000 He was making nice wide loops, and then he made a sharp one, flew, demolished it, shattered it.

00:28:12.000 He had to get reconstructed.

00:28:13.000 Yeah, there was a pin in there.

00:28:14.000 Really?

00:28:15.000 Yeah.

00:28:15.000 And all I heard was Joe Rogan, it's not worth it.

00:28:20.000 How fast were you going?

00:28:21.000 I was going pretty fast.

00:28:22.000 I was winning.

00:28:22.000 I thought O'Neal was right behind me.

00:28:24.000 He had stopped immediately.

00:28:25.000 You have to think about it this way.

00:28:27.000 For this momentary thrill of adrenaline and excitement, you potentially risk a life of catastrophic injury.

00:28:37.000 That's every time I come on this podcast.

00:28:41.000 I get it.

00:28:42.000 Look, I get it because life is finite.

00:28:44.000 I get it.

00:28:45.000 You want to live and experience everything you want.

00:28:48.000 But I believe you should mitigate risk.

00:28:51.000 And I believe people are drawn to excitement.

00:28:53.000 You seek out dangerous animals.

00:28:54.000 Yeah, but I'm telling you, I mitigate risk.

00:28:57.000 And the risk of skiing to me is like, that one is like, there's too many variables.

00:29:03.000 What do you think is the most dangerous activity you do?

00:29:07.000 Well, when I'm training, I'm not doing jiu-jitsu right now, but that's for sure the most dangerous.

00:29:12.000 Other than driving a car.

00:29:13.000 Yeah, you're practicing strangling each other.

00:29:16.000 Yeah. 0.58

00:29:16.000 And you're doing it with people who are really good at strangling people. 0.58

00:29:19.000 Yeah.

00:29:19.000 I love skiing so much.

00:29:20.000 Grabbing your legs and yanking them apart. 0.87

00:29:23.000 This last trip was the last time. 0.50

00:29:24.000 How was it skiing as a less fat guy?

00:29:27.000 As a sober person.

00:29:28.000 As a less fat guy?

00:29:29.000 As a less fat guy! 0.99

00:29:30.000 It was fucking amazing. 0.98

00:29:31.000 I did a weird thing this year. 0.95

00:29:34.000 I didn't post any videos.

00:29:35.000 I didn't record anything.

00:29:37.000 I just had lived.

00:29:38.000 Just lived.

00:29:38.000 Wow.

00:29:39.000 My girls loved it. 0.99

00:29:41.000 They were like, this is great, we're not on Instagram for fucking people to see. 0.99

00:29:44.000 And I wasn't drinking, and I was skinny. 0.97

00:29:48.000 And I was like, I said, the only thing I recorded was, I want to show you my favorite trick.

00:29:52.000 I could touch my foot.

00:29:53.000 I could never touch my foot snowboarding. 0.95

00:29:55.000 So getting my bindings on was so fucking tough. 0.84

00:29:58.000 It was so annoying. 0.86

00:29:59.000 My gut was in the way, and it was so uncomfortable. 0.70

00:30:02.000 Dude, you were on stage Tuesday night, and I was like, you're too jacked. 0.94

00:30:07.000 You're too jacked to take your shirt off now. 0.84

00:30:09.000 It's not funny anymore. 0.94

00:30:10.000 It is.

00:30:11.000 You know there are people that really believe that?

00:30:14.000 Yeah.

00:30:14.000 There are people that really believe that you're not funny.

00:30:17.000 It's your freedom of you being you is you taking your shirt off.

00:30:20.000 Your freedom of you being you and now you no longer have a gut and you've got jacked shoulders. 1.00

00:30:26.000 You've got traps and shit. 0.99

00:30:27.000 It's like that's a celebration of still who you are. 1.00

00:30:30.000 Also, you're still fatter than you were when you were the fat guy. 0.98

00:30:33.000 I'm still fat. 0.99

00:30:35.000 I'm still fat.

00:30:35.000 He got so fat that he lost weight.

00:30:37.000 I was like, that's amazing.

00:30:38.000 When he started playing the fat guy.

00:30:40.000 Playing the fat guy?

00:30:42.000 You mean when Tom started fat shaming me?

00:30:44.000 Yes.

00:30:45.000 When Tom was fatter than me and decided to start fat shaming me.

00:30:47.000 I naively thought that when we did the first challenge, which was the weight loss challenge that led to Sober October group, I really thought you'd stay on that path.

00:30:56.000 You got so skinny.

00:30:58.000 I didn't care.

00:30:59.000 I didn't care.

00:31:01.000 You have to want to do it.

00:31:03.000 November 1st.

00:31:03.000 I tell you right now, Sober October was an interesting experiment.

00:31:07.000 But I will tell you, having done like three months or whatever I did, that one month is... 0.99

00:31:13.000 And the big difference is I stopped drinking on planes because I wasn't not drinking on a plane because of you three assholes. 0.99

00:31:20.000 Like I was not drinking because of you guys. 0.99

00:31:22.000 And then when you're not drinking, and you go, I'm not drinking for me, it's very fucking different. 0.67

00:31:26.000 And then I got really comfortable on planes, and I was like, oh, I can get through this. 0.96

00:31:32.000 Why can't scientists just make a booze that doesn't kill you? 0.99

00:31:38.000 Can't you fucking wizards out there? 0.99

00:31:41.000 There has to be. 1.00

00:31:42.000 There has to be.

00:31:42.000 Make a booze that doesn't kill you.

00:31:45.000 There's gotta be a way, if you can make synthetic marijuana...

00:31:50.000 And turn it into pills. 0.96

00:31:52.000 There's gotta be a way to take whatever the fuck it is that alcohol does good, that gives you that fun, carefree smile, the buzz smile. 0.94

00:32:05.000 Everything feels right. 0.92

00:32:06.000 It's gotta be.

00:32:07.000 It washes over you.

00:32:09.000 The sun sets and the day goes away.

00:32:11.000 And you're just like in a good mood.

00:32:13.000 You get that buzz.

00:32:14.000 You ride it.

00:32:15.000 A nice meal.

00:32:16.000 Like how many times have we had meals on the road where we're having a couple of drinks.

00:32:20.000 We're eating a nice meal.

00:32:21.000 We're talking and we're laughing.

00:32:24.000 It's a lubricant.

00:32:25.000 We're just enjoying ourselves. 1.00

00:32:27.000 God damn it. 0.99

00:32:28.000 It's the best. 1.00

00:32:29.000 It's such a fucking tool. 1.00

00:32:32.000 The post show. 1.00

00:32:33.000 Dude, I was doing the Wilbur.

00:32:34.000 I'll do it again this weekend.

00:32:35.000 But she asked Blooming Rush's daughter. 0.68

00:32:37.000 Did you say Ari Shaffir's going to be at the Wilbur in Boston this weekend?

00:32:40.000 Thursday and Friday.

00:32:41.000 The legendary Wilbur.

00:32:42.000 So funny.

00:32:43.000 I thought you were in Cheyenne, Wyoming next week.

00:32:45.000 How many shows?

00:32:46.000 Is that you?

00:32:46.000 Oh, I'm in Cheyenne, Wyoming, and then through Colorado.

00:32:49.000 Three shows?

00:32:49.000 So two Saturdays, one Friday?

00:32:51.000 Two Friday, one Thursday. 1.00

00:32:52.000 Oh, shit. 0.99

00:32:53.000 You're not going to be in Atlantic City at the Hard Rock? 1.00

00:32:56.000 You're not going to be at the Atlantic City Hard Rock?

00:32:58.000 No, who's there?

00:32:59.000 Oh, no, no.

00:33:00.000 I'm there in the summer.

00:33:02.000 I did that with Joey.

00:33:03.000 I did it with Joey and Tony.

00:33:04.000 It was fun.

00:33:05.000 Do you know what Joey told me?

00:33:06.000 What? 0.99

00:33:07.000 First of all, he goes, If I see you wearing those glasses, I'm going to fucking break them. 0.99

00:33:12.000 And I go, what? 0.99

00:33:14.000 He calls me.

00:33:15.000 I'm in Hawaii.

00:33:16.000 I'm like, what?

00:33:17.000 Happy New Year.

00:33:18.000 And he's like, you got to take those off.

00:33:20.000 I go, I need them to see, though.

00:33:21.000 I put them on to see.

00:33:23.000 He goes, it can't be those.

00:33:26.000 I go, why? 0.99

00:33:27.000 He goes, are you fucking doing the news? 0.99

00:33:29.000 And I go, no. 1.00

00:33:30.000 Doing the news?

00:33:31.000 That's when people read in your life.

00:33:32.000 How are you doing the news?

00:33:33.000 I go, well, dude, am I allowed?

00:33:35.000 I go, can I wear another pair of glasses that are approved?

00:33:39.000 And he's like, he goes, yeah.

00:33:41.000 He goes, but it can't be those.

00:33:43.000 And I go, okay.

00:33:44.000 And then he goes, he takes his buddy Holly over here.

00:33:47.000 Yeah, he goes, I'll see you in two weeks.

00:33:50.000 And I go, where are you going to see me in two weeks?

00:33:51.000 He goes, when you come to Jersey, when you're in Atlantic City.

00:33:53.000 And I go, oh, great.

00:33:54.000 He goes, I noticed the last time you were in Jersey, you didn't give me a call.

00:33:59.000 You were hanging out with your white friends.

00:34:01.000 And I go...

00:34:02.000 He goes, don't think I've forgotten. 1.00

00:34:06.000 You're a fucking Hispanic. 1.00

00:34:08.000 You give me a call every time you come to Jersey. 1.00

00:34:10.000 I go, okay, I'm sorry.

00:34:11.000 He's the king of New Jersey.

00:34:13.000 Yeah.

00:34:13.000 Joey's open to a residency here.

00:34:16.000 In Austin?

00:34:16.000 Yeah.

00:34:17.000 We're talking about doing it.

00:34:18.000 Once a month, Joey will come down for like three days.

00:34:21.000 That'd be great.

00:34:22.000 Joey and I should get a house together.

00:34:23.000 I'm here for three days.

00:34:24.000 Dude, he loosened up on the podcast.

00:34:28.000 Having a podcast with Joey, you forget.

00:34:31.000 You forget what that dude is.

00:34:33.000 I don't.

00:34:34.000 What a special unicorn.

00:34:36.000 He really is.

00:34:37.000 I've said this.

00:34:38.000 He's the unicorn.

00:34:39.000 There's no one even remotely like him.

00:34:42.000 He was there when Ari drugged me.

00:34:44.000 He came and saved my life.

00:34:46.000 He saved your life.

00:34:48.000 Jesus, this is getting dramatic.

00:34:50.000 He stole the other Molly.

00:34:51.000 He stole the other Molly.

00:34:52.000 No, this is the best Joey Diaz story.

00:34:55.000 I call him up.

00:34:56.000 I'm having a panic attack.

00:34:57.000 I go, Joey, Ari just drugged me. 1.00

00:34:59.000 He's like, I'll be there in five, cocksucker. 1.00

00:35:01.000 Walks through the house. 0.99

00:35:02.000 He goes, Mrs. K, don't come out back. 0.99

00:35:04.000 Bad shit's happening out there. 1.00

00:35:06.000 He comes out and goes, what's going on, cocksuckers? 1.00

00:35:08.000 I go, Ari just drugged me. 1.00

00:35:10.000 He goes, let me see it.

00:35:12.000 Ari pulls out the other Molly. 1.00

00:35:14.000 Joey takes it, eats it, and goes, we're all seeing the devil's dick tonight, cocksucker. 1.00

00:35:17.000 No one's died on my watch. 1.00

00:35:20.000 If you die, I die. 0.99

00:35:21.000 We're all dying. 1.00

00:35:23.000 He's the fucking best. 1.00

00:35:25.000 We're all seeing the devil's dick tonight. 1.00

00:35:27.000 He's the best. 0.99

00:35:30.000 He's the funniest human being I've ever met.

00:35:32.000 I'll buy a house with Joey in a heartbeat.

00:35:33.000 Yeah, I think that's one of the ways to do it.

00:35:36.000 Get a comedy condo?

00:35:37.000 No, I'm legitimately thinking about that.

00:35:40.000 I've been thinking about that anyway because I've been thinking about doing a studio in downtown Austin with a view.

00:35:45.000 Because there's apartments that have a view.

00:35:48.000 If you could do a studio in an apartment out there.

00:35:51.000 You could have nighttime podcasts right after doing a comedy show.

00:35:54.000 So you do a show at the Comedy, just like we used to do at the Ice House.

00:35:58.000 So you do a show at the Mothership and then go straight up to the condo, which is like three minutes away.

00:36:04.000 It makes sense, right?

00:36:06.000 I'm gonna problem solve this.

00:36:08.000 After doing, now I think, seven sets in this couple days at your club, I think that's a horrible idea.

00:36:16.000 The amount of freedom that is at your club, the amount of free speech at your club is so dangerous.

00:36:22.000 Yesterday, I went up and I was like, wait, I didn't realize I can say anything I want.

00:36:26.000 You should have seen his face light up.

00:36:27.000 He's like, what are those bags on everybody's tables?

00:36:29.000 Oh, you didn't know?

00:36:30.000 I didn't know.

00:36:31.000 I was like, wow.

00:36:33.000 Shane Gillis is really taking some chances.

00:36:35.000 He's screaming about how communism is good.

00:36:37.000 Yeah.

00:36:38.000 Pol Pot was a god. 1.00

00:36:41.000 And so I got up.

00:36:42.000 I was hosting and then did an hour at the end of the show.

00:36:45.000 We did like three hours at the end of the show.

00:36:46.000 We did a long time together. 1.00

00:36:48.000 Wild shit. 1.00

00:36:49.000 But I didn't realize you can say whatever you want. 1.00

00:36:51.000 You really can just take chances.

00:36:53.000 So I felt like I wasn't doing my due diligence as a comic.

00:36:56.000 So I wrote the worst joke I could think of.

00:36:59.000 Like just insider joke.

00:37:00.000 Just like a... 0.99

00:37:02.000 And it did well, and I was like, fuck, this is crazy. 0.98

00:37:07.000 You want to take that energy up to that studio and do a podcast. 0.99

00:37:09.000 And then I get off your thing, and I'm talking wild, and then I go up to yours, and I'm like, you know, what about Hitler?

00:37:13.000 Here's the deal.

00:37:14.000 His dad wasn't a bad guy.

00:37:16.000 He came from good people.

00:37:17.000 He came from good people.

00:37:18.000 He was a beekeeper.

00:37:19.000 You know that, Joe.

00:37:19.000 You interviewed a beekeeper.

00:37:21.000 I did interview a V.A. I basically interviewed almost every walk of life, I think.

00:37:28.000 Yeah, how many episodes have you done now?

00:37:30.000 2,000.

00:37:31.000 What?

00:37:32.000 Wow.

00:37:33.000 2093. Yeah, and then there's the Fight Companions, which is like 100 and how many of those?

00:37:38.000 There's probably 60 to 70 of those and 153 MMA shows.

00:37:43.000 Yeah, so that's another 200. What's your worst one?

00:37:47.000 I don't think I have a lot of bad ones.

00:37:49.000 We can go around and nail our stinkers. 0.73

00:37:52.000 The early ones, definitely, I sucked at it. 0.87

00:37:55.000 No, you didn't. 0.51

00:37:55.000 That was when it was wild. 0.51

00:37:57.000 But if you're having conversations with people, you're not good at facilitating the conversation, especially if you're talking to a scientist and you're trying to...

00:38:07.000 Get as much information into as many people's minds as possible.

00:38:12.000 If there's any confusion about what they're saying, you have to know when to interrupt them or when to lay back.

00:38:17.000 You've got to bookmark a thought.

00:38:19.000 I don't want to interrupt, but I've got to bookmark this because I've got to understand.

00:38:23.000 What do you mean exactly by that?

00:38:24.000 You're good at saying that.

00:38:25.000 Wait, wait.

00:38:26.000 That wasn't clear to me.

00:38:27.000 Can you make that clear to me?

00:38:28.000 You can't pretend you understand something if you don't.

00:38:31.000 You have to just like...

00:38:34.000 You're almost like a...

00:38:36.000 Like a cattle herder a little bit for the conversation.

00:38:39.000 You're just kind of trying to keep the conversation You're trying to let it flow as much as possible, but you're also trying to like you have to interact with it like so you have to figure out like what am I not absorbing about this?

00:38:51.000 Do you feel like there's somebody looking back that you understood the least? 0.98

00:38:55.000 In other words, you were like fuck I don't get what is going on no matter how hard I try. 0.97

00:38:59.000 Simulation theory is the big one because I had this conversation with what was that gentleman? 0.99

00:39:07.000 Remember we had a I was hoping it was a subject I'd understand.

00:39:14.000 I like swimming.

00:39:15.000 It's about probability theory.

00:39:17.000 Probability theory?

00:39:18.000 Yeah.

00:39:19.000 So what his argument was was like simulation theory.

00:39:22.000 Nick Bostrom.

00:39:23.000 That's it.

00:39:24.000 Thank you.

00:39:24.000 He's brilliant.

00:39:26.000 Brilliant guy.

00:39:27.000 But when we're having this conversation, he was talking about simulation theory and saying that simulation theory, the idea that this whole thing we're experiencing is just a simulation, Because of probability theory, because of the probability of extraterrestrial civilizations,

00:39:44.000 just given the amount of planets that are out there, the amount of time that has gone on, this is an inevitable thing that's going to happen.

00:39:52.000 And that it's probably already happened.

00:39:53.000 That it's probable that this is a simulation?

00:39:56.000 If it's not, it's going to happen and it probably already has.

00:40:00.000 The idea through...

00:40:02.000 I know if you're a real expert, salute.

00:40:05.000 Let's finish it.

00:40:06.000 I know I'm butchering this, but I believe the concept in the layman's terms is that given the sheer number of planets that probably have intelligent life, And given the amount of time, if they can develop technology to the point where we have and then further on to the point where you literally create some sort of a simulation that all time and all experiences exist in.

00:40:32.000 And that this was something that was possible through technology eventually.

00:40:37.000 And if you look at all these planets, you look at the direction that human beings are going, you look at how far our technology has progressed in a relatively short period of time, it's inevitable.

00:40:46.000 Give it a thousand years, ten thousand years, from now, if we don't blow the earth up, we will have a simulation theory that's indiscernible from the reality you're experiencing right now.

00:40:57.000 And that may be how life is experienced Sometime in the future when we integrate with computers.

00:41:05.000 Wow.

00:41:05.000 That might be like one step into that integration.

00:41:08.000 Wow.

00:41:09.000 So yeah, having that conversation is like, what?

00:41:12.000 That also gives you, I think you might have a better perspective than people when you try to, when you really break down how brilliant some people are.

00:41:25.000 Yeah.

00:41:26.000 To scale.

00:41:26.000 Do you know what I mean?

00:41:27.000 Yeah.

00:41:27.000 We're all of moderate intelligence, and you go like, oh, you can understand these things.

00:41:32.000 I can have this conversation with you.

00:41:34.000 No, no. 1.00

00:41:34.000 And then you meet people who are notably not there, and then people who are existing on- Looking like an idiot. 1.00

00:41:44.000 Are you a child? 1.00

00:41:44.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:41:45.000 And you go, wow, those people are really operating on another wavelength, right?

00:41:48.000 Who simulates them?

00:41:50.000 It's just like athletes.

00:41:51.000 I was about to say, it's like athletic ability. 0.93

00:41:53.000 There's some people who you go, holy shit, you have a 40-inch vertical? 0.97

00:41:56.000 Yeah, like just dunk it. 0.99

00:41:57.000 What?

00:41:58.000 There's some people that are just, I mean, we've all met guys that don't even work out, and they're just ridiculously strong.

00:42:04.000 They just have superior genetics.

00:42:07.000 There's a lot of folks like that that are just country strong.

00:42:10.000 The guy that'll do the tomahawk dunk in jeans? 1.00

00:42:13.000 And you're like, what the fuck? 0.99

00:42:15.000 It doesn't even work out! 1.00

00:42:17.000 You mean Cam Haynes' children run marathons in jeans?

00:42:22.000 They're different people.

00:42:25.000 And his other son's a ranger.

00:42:27.000 Yeah.

00:42:28.000 I mean, there's different humans.

00:42:31.000 That D1 body, where you're like, oh, this is different. 1.00

00:42:33.000 Well, Cam's dad was an athlete, too.

00:42:36.000 Really?

00:42:36.000 Hardcore runner.

00:42:37.000 His book is amazing.

00:42:39.000 I think Cam's...

00:42:40.000 Wasn't he a jumper?

00:42:42.000 What did he do?

00:42:44.000 Cam's so modest, too.

00:42:45.000 He was like a very high-level athlete, his father was. 0.99

00:42:48.000 Cam's modest as shit about it. 0.99

00:42:49.000 He's so modest. 1.00

00:42:50.000 Yeah, you're like, how the fuck? 0.99

00:42:51.000 He's like, well, you know, you just gotta get that run started. 0.99

00:42:53.000 You know what, man?

00:42:54.000 That guy is always tired.

00:42:55.000 Is he?

00:42:56.000 I hope so.

00:42:58.000 But I mean, that's why he's so chill.

00:43:01.000 He's conserving energy.

00:43:02.000 He knows this is a run 18 miles in the morning.

00:43:04.000 I bet he sleeps like a baby, though.

00:43:05.000 I bet he sleeps like a brick.

00:43:06.000 I think he's Christian, so then he doesn't worry about death.

00:43:11.000 I get to go to heaven.

00:43:12.000 His shoes.

00:43:13.000 Have you run with his shoes?

00:43:14.000 What are we doing over here?

00:43:15.000 Those shoes are great.

00:43:16.000 I wanted to put a post out today because they're that good.

00:43:20.000 Oh, they're excellent.

00:43:22.000 He has his own brand of shoes.

00:43:23.000 So Cam was sponsored for a long time by Under Armour. 0.99

00:43:27.000 And then he went for a second, tried out Solomon, and then he said, fuck it, I'm just going to make mine. 0.92

00:43:31.000 I think he has his own clothing brand, but he's doing his very own shoe. 1.00

00:43:34.000 And when you get a motherfucker that can run like he does, who develops technology and the shit that makes him comfortable, this shoe is amazing. 0.99

00:43:41.000 These boa laces keep your heel in place. 1.00

00:43:43.000 It's got blood splatter on it.

00:43:45.000 Yeah.

00:43:46.000 That's blood.

00:43:47.000 That's blood.

00:43:48.000 You can say it's mud, but it's red. 1.00

00:43:50.000 Shut the fuck up. 1.00

00:43:50.000 You know what that is. 1.00

00:43:51.000 I love that Tom's pouring a drink.

00:43:53.000 This is the Tom I love.

00:43:54.000 They're dope sneakers.

00:43:54.000 And they're super comfortable.

00:43:56.000 They're amazing.

00:43:57.000 And the thing about plantar fasciitis that a lot of people have is your foot moves around in your shoe.

00:44:04.000 Laces do that. 1.00

00:44:05.000 But with Cam's shoe, those boa things, lock your heel in.

00:44:08.000 And I've been running every single day.

00:44:10.000 No plantar fasciitis. 0.98

00:44:11.000 And they're very fucking comfortable. 0.98

00:44:13.000 Yeah, they're great. 0.94

00:44:14.000 You know, I think plantar fasciitis probably is a lot about foot strength and foot endurance, isn't it?

00:44:19.000 Nice to have it.

00:44:19.000 I think so.

00:44:20.000 Like you just go too far.

00:44:22.000 Everybody also, like the PTs will tell you that a lot of that originates from your big toes movement though.

00:44:28.000 Really?

00:44:29.000 If you start, if you start to, because you can feel plantar fasciitis starting a lot of times.

00:44:33.000 You're like, oh, this is starting to get uncomfortable.

00:44:36.000 It's not full blown.

00:44:37.000 In the mornings.

00:44:37.000 And they'll tell you to train your big toe.

00:44:40.000 To work on strength with your big toe.

00:44:43.000 People move to New York at it because you're walking constantly.

00:44:45.000 You guys walk so much more. 0.99

00:44:47.000 And then it's just like, what the fuck's on my heel? 0.96

00:44:48.000 Do you remember when you told me to get Rolfed for my plantar fasciitis? 0.98

00:44:52.000 Yeah.

00:44:52.000 What is that?

00:44:53.000 When you come out of a dude's asshole? 1.00

00:44:54.000 Hey! 1.00

00:44:55.000 That's Naked Martin.

00:44:56.000 Don't you know this show is going onto the internet?

00:45:00.000 This is felching.

00:45:01.000 The whole world's gonna listen to this show. 0.99

00:45:02.000 Do you know how many fucking people are gonna book a video? 0.99

00:45:05.000 With that guy right now? 0.99

00:45:07.000 Oh, so many.

00:45:08.000 I hope they don't get in front of our order.

00:45:10.000 Oh, they are.

00:45:10.000 The guy's gonna be rich.

00:45:12.000 Well, in a perfect world, he would be rich.

00:45:13.000 Yeah.

00:45:14.000 Because that's an oddity.

00:45:14.000 Like, if you're gonna go that far, you deserve something.

00:45:17.000 You deserve money.

00:45:18.000 That's the only fans I'm signing up for. 1.00

00:45:19.000 That guy ate his own shit covered in cum, and we watched. 1.00

00:45:22.000 He didn't even pause! 1.00

00:45:23.000 And he smiled.

00:45:24.000 And he smiled, and I, who hosted Fear Factor for six years, I almost threw up.

00:45:28.000 From watching that screen.

00:45:30.000 We're so excited for you to get your present.

00:45:32.000 Yeah!

00:45:34.000 Yeah!

00:45:35.000 What's the present?

00:45:37.000 Nothing.

00:45:37.000 You'll see.

00:45:38.000 It'll be in the group thread.

00:45:41.000 Can't wait.

00:45:43.000 That feeling of the...

00:45:45.000 That's such a horrible feeling.

00:45:47.000 You don't have a throw-up thing.

00:45:51.000 Oh, I do!

00:45:52.000 For real?

00:45:52.000 He holds it.

00:45:53.000 Yeah.

00:45:53.000 Here's what's fascinating.

00:45:55.000 I lost it when I was filming Fear Factor.

00:45:58.000 Nothing can make me pew.

00:46:00.000 Desensitized.

00:46:01.000 Completely desensitized.

00:46:03.000 Before, I was the kid in high school that, like, if you threw up in the hallway, I would throw up.

00:46:06.000 I do. 0.90

00:46:07.000 Like, like, you smell throw up. 0.90

00:46:09.000 You're like... 0.88

00:46:09.000 That's a YMH wretch. 0.88

00:46:12.000 That's a YMH wretch. 1.00

00:46:14.000 It is what it is.

00:46:16.000 I think that's evolutionary.

00:46:18.000 I think that when you smell throw up, no, no, no.

00:46:22.000 It's letting you know that someone around you has consumed something that's bad.

00:46:28.000 And that you should purge too.

00:46:30.000 So it's like a survival instinct.

00:46:34.000 It's a protective instinct.

00:46:35.000 It's not a weakness to want to throw up when you smell throw up.

00:46:38.000 It's actually a strength.

00:46:39.000 So what happens when people cry and I cry too?

00:46:41.000 It's good too, because you're commiserating, you're showing you're a good person.

00:46:45.000 I cry so much lately.

00:46:46.000 You're a sweetheart.

00:46:46.000 Really?

00:46:47.000 Because you switched to weed more.

00:46:48.000 Yeah.

00:46:49.000 Well, weed is really beautiful.

00:46:51.000 Weed'll get to crying.

00:46:52.000 It allows you to appreciate.

00:46:53.000 You're an emotional guy, though. 1.00

00:46:55.000 You need to grow tits. 1.00

00:46:55.000 I get it. 1.00

00:46:55.000 I cried the other day on our podcast. 1.00

00:46:57.000 You did? 0.99

00:46:57.000 He's growing tits. 0.99

00:46:58.000 Nobody cries more on podcasts than Bert. 0.99

00:46:59.000 Not me anymore.

00:47:00.000 He cries a lot.

00:47:00.000 I cry a lot.

00:47:01.000 I regret a couple cries.

00:47:04.000 Schultz's, I regret that one.

00:47:05.000 You cried on Schultz's podcast?

00:47:06.000 Of course.

00:47:07.000 What'd you cry about? 1.00

00:47:08.000 Fucking nothing. 1.00

00:47:09.000 Bambi? 1.00

00:47:10.000 No.

00:47:10.000 Parking was tough.

00:47:11.000 No, he fucked me up. 0.98

00:47:12.000 Parking was tough? 0.99

00:47:13.000 No, marketing.

00:47:15.000 I think I was going to say marketing.

00:47:16.000 Marketing? 1.00

00:47:16.000 No, he brought out a clown and some balloons and it fucking fucked me up. 1.00

00:47:20.000 A clown and balloons made you cry. 1.00

00:47:22.000 No, no, no, no, no.

00:47:23.000 It gave me a panic attack.

00:47:24.000 What? 0.90

00:47:25.000 Yeah, I don't like clowns. 0.99

00:47:26.000 Now I'm just fucking looking over my shoulder. 1.00

00:47:28.000 Hold the fuck on. 1.00

00:47:29.000 Hold the fuck on. 1.00

00:47:30.000 That's my favorite Joe what, by the way. 1.00

00:47:33.000 What? 1.00

00:47:33.000 Hold the fuck on. 1.00

00:47:34.000 He lets it in. 1.00

00:47:36.000 Yeah, it's like, the fuck are you talking about? 1.00

00:47:39.000 Hold on. 1.00

00:47:40.000 What?

00:47:41.000 Yeah.

00:47:41.000 For real?

00:47:42.000 Schultz gave me the opportunity to not...

00:47:43.000 Don't play it.

00:47:44.000 Don't play it.

00:47:45.000 There's no reason to play it.

00:47:46.000 Okay. 0.92

00:47:47.000 No, you have a real issue with clowns? 0.92

00:47:49.000 And then you became one? 0.68

00:47:52.000 Technically.

00:47:53.000 Isn't that crazy?

00:47:54.000 Yeah.

00:47:56.000 I have a real issue with clowns and a real, real issue with balloons. 0.98

00:48:00.000 Like if I smell balloons, I fucking freak out. 0.98

00:48:03.000 They freak me out. 0.99

00:48:04.000 Wasn't there a Jerry Lewis movie that was never released where he was like a clown in the Holocaust? 0.77

00:48:11.000 What?

00:48:11.000 Really?

00:48:12.000 No, no, no, no. 0.98

00:48:14.000 Patch is the clown. 0.98

00:48:16.000 Patch is the clown? 0.95

00:48:17.000 No, it was Robin Williams. 0.90

00:48:18.000 Patch Adams.

00:48:19.000 Patch Adams.

00:48:20.000 Is that what it was?

00:48:20.000 No, he was in the hospital, though.

00:48:21.000 He was a doctor who was a clown for kids. 0.95

00:48:23.000 Good morning, Neil! 0.97

00:48:25.000 Who's that?

00:48:27.000 The day that laughter cried?

00:48:29.000 Yeah, there is a Jerry Lewis movie.

00:48:33.000 There's some weird Jerry Lewis movie that never got released.

00:48:37.000 Oh, that's weird.

00:48:38.000 Long-buried Holocaust movie, The Day the Clown Cried, may finally be viewable one year today.

00:48:45.000 So they buried it?

00:48:46.000 Yeah, they buried it.

00:48:48.000 It's going to be available to view at one place.

00:48:55.000 Hey everybody, get in the oven!

00:48:56.000 One of few people have seen even a rough cut of the film.

00:48:59.000 Comedian voiceover artist Harry Shearer of The Simpsons told Spy Magazines in 1992 that the movie is so drastically wrong, its pathos and its comedy are so wildly misplaced that you could not, in your fantasy of what it might be like,

00:49:15.000 improve on what it really is.

00:49:17.000 Oh my god.

00:49:19.000 That's all you can say.

00:49:21.000 This movie was so bad.

00:49:23.000 I want to see it so bad now.

00:49:24.000 They buried it forever. 1.00

00:49:24.000 Holy shit. 1.00

00:49:25.000 Oh, wow. 1.00

00:49:25.000 They buried it forever. 1.00

00:49:26.000 And when did this movie get released?

00:49:28.000 72. So this is a movie from 1972 that was so bad.

00:49:33.000 That never saw the lightning.

00:49:34.000 They put it in a vault in the bottom of the earth.

00:49:37.000 I'd pay to buy it.

00:49:38.000 I want to see it so bad.

00:49:40.000 Even if it's bad, I want to see it.

00:49:43.000 I want to see it more than I want to listen to that Wu-Tang album, that Martin Skrilli.

00:49:48.000 Big J has it.

00:49:49.000 What do you mean?

00:49:51.000 Big J has it.

00:49:52.000 He went on Legion of Skanks.

00:49:54.000 It's one of the most frustrating episodes to listen to because it's Legion of Skanks and you have Martin Skrilli and Shane Gillis is grilling him.

00:50:01.000 But you've got Legion of Skanks being Legion of Skanks. 0.51

00:50:04.000 They don't really care about the information. 0.98

00:50:06.000 They just want to fucking talk about... 0.98

00:50:08.000 Whatever. 1.00

00:50:08.000 Yeah, cum and everything. 1.00

00:50:10.000 But Martin Skrilli said, I have the album, you want it? 1.00

00:50:12.000 And all of them are like, fuck yes. 0.97

00:50:14.000 So how'd he give it to them? 1.00

00:50:15.000 It's the same way you got your thing.

00:50:17.000 DM it to them.

00:50:18.000 In what form?

00:50:19.000 Like, just sent them an mp3.

00:50:21.000 No, no, no.

00:50:21.000 What?

00:50:22.000 So then it's out on the internet now?

00:50:24.000 No, no.

00:50:24.000 Legion of Skanks.

00:50:25.000 No one ever shared it.

00:50:27.000 Wait a minute.

00:50:27.000 So what's Martin doing with it?

00:50:29.000 He bought it.

00:50:30.000 By the way, I gotta send everyone to the episode.

00:50:32.000 It's one of the most fascinating episodes I've ever listened to.

00:50:34.000 Have you listened to it?

00:50:35.000 No, I don't have it.

00:50:36.000 They have it.

00:50:36.000 He had some good information where he was like, you know, he was like, got the thing for the AIDS. It's so interesting.

00:50:41.000 And he goes, he's jacking the price.

00:50:42.000 He goes, you know what no one ever said?

00:50:43.000 There's also a generic version of the same drug.

00:50:45.000 For $40.

00:50:46.000 For $40.

00:50:46.000 I don't know why everybody's mad at me.

00:50:47.000 You can still get it.

00:50:48.000 You just can't get the name brand thing.

00:50:49.000 It's the best.

00:50:50.000 Wait, you can get the generic version?

00:50:51.000 Yes.

00:50:51.000 What does the generic version mean?

00:50:53.000 It's like Viagra versus whatever the fuck. 0.98

00:50:55.000 But wait, you can hear it? 0.99

00:50:56.000 No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

00:50:57.000 Of the AIDS medication.

00:51:12.000 This is a real conversation because with AI they're gonna do that.

00:51:19.000 You're gonna make new versions of Wu-Tang songs.

00:51:22.000 They already did it with Drake.

00:51:24.000 I think that the thing, too, is you know how they go, oh, likeness, right?

00:51:28.000 Like the stars.

00:51:29.000 Like, hey, you know, I want to...

00:51:30.000 This movie is without...

00:51:32.000 Tom Cruise will be like, no, you cannot use my likeness.

00:51:35.000 I'm protecting it.

00:51:36.000 That's like what some of this labor union stuff is about, protecting your image and likeness.

00:51:41.000 Yes.

00:51:42.000 But I just feel like there's just going to be...

00:51:46.000 One of these offers to one of these people where they go, okay.

00:51:50.000 Go for it.

00:51:51.000 $20 million?

00:51:52.000 Go for it.

00:51:52.000 Nicholas Cage.

00:51:53.000 Bruce Willis has a neurological condition.

00:51:56.000 Yes.

00:51:56.000 He's not doing well.

00:51:57.000 I forget what it's called.

00:51:58.000 It's called aphasia.

00:51:59.000 Aphasia.

00:51:59.000 I think I might have it.

00:52:00.000 Yeah, you're right.

00:52:01.000 You're right.

00:52:01.000 I talk about it nonstop.

00:52:02.000 Did you just bring it back to yourself?

00:52:03.000 Of course.

00:52:04.000 I can't look at a post and not think about me.

00:52:08.000 Bruce Willis sold his likeliness for the purpose of AI. He did?

00:52:20.000 Yes.

00:52:23.000 All I can say is thank you.

00:52:24.000 But in his position, I mean, he's incapable of making money anymore.

00:52:29.000 He can't work.

00:52:30.000 He has a real issue.

00:52:31.000 It's actually very advanced, and they think we're close to the end.

00:52:34.000 Oh, my God.

00:52:35.000 I follow his daughter, Tallulah.

00:52:38.000 So, no, Bruce Willis didn't sell his likeness to a deepfake company.

00:52:42.000 Despite initial reports, the deepfake company does not own the rights to Bruce Willis' likeness.

00:52:49.000 Partially because that's literally not possible, the company said Willis appeared in a recent advertisement through Deep Cake, which managed to create a digital twin of Willis that can appear in new content despite the actual Willis retiring from acting as a result of aphasia.

00:53:05.000 A brain disorder that hinders cognition and speech abilities.

00:53:08.000 I like the precision of my character, Willis said, of the process according to the quote in Deep Cake website.

00:53:15.000 It's a great opportunity for me to go back in time.

00:53:18.000 The neural network was trained on content of Die Hard and Fifth Element, so my character is similar to the images of that time.

00:53:27.000 So it's young Bruce Willis doing ads.

00:53:30.000 I sent you guys...

00:53:32.000 That's what they're saying.

00:53:34.000 I sent you guys George Carlin's new special.

00:53:36.000 Yeah.

00:53:38.000 That's insane.

00:53:39.000 But hold on a second.

00:53:39.000 That seems like that is what we're saying.

00:53:43.000 Yeah.

00:53:43.000 It feels like...

00:53:44.000 And also, this is literal phase one of the A-list celebrity being like, you can use it for this.

00:53:53.000 Sure.

00:53:53.000 When Barbra Streisand gets to be a certain age and Trump's president again, she might say, you know what?

00:53:58.000 For $200 million, go for it. 0.99

00:54:00.000 Just fucking sell soap with my young face. 0.99

00:54:02.000 And also, what about the people who, it's not a major movie making it, it's just some YouTube account. 0.99

00:54:06.000 What happens to dead people?

00:54:08.000 What happens to James Cagney?

00:54:10.000 Their estate?

00:54:11.000 What if the estate decides to...

00:54:13.000 The Marilyn Monroe estate?

00:54:14.000 Yeah, Charles Bronson selling soap.

00:54:17.000 This is the George Carlin one that came out a couple weeks ago.

00:54:19.000 How many views?

00:54:21.000 It says 500K. It keeps getting pulled down.

00:54:25.000 Really?

00:54:26.000 It keeps getting pulled down, yeah, because George Carlin's daughter, Kelly, I think, doesn't want it up.

00:54:32.000 Oh, I disagree with that.

00:54:34.000 It's put on a YouTube account called Dudesy.

00:54:38.000 Dudesy says, I'm a comedy AI. They wrote this as though Dudesy made it, if you will.

00:54:44.000 When you look at what Dudesy is, Dudesy's a...

00:54:47.000 Oh, it's Will Sasso.

00:54:49.000 But they have an AI. Wait a minute.

00:54:52.000 That's where it becomes like, how would Will Sasso have this super secret AI program?

00:54:57.000 Hold on.

00:54:57.000 Will Sasso has a podcast, if I'm not mistaken, where he has AI bring up the subjects of the podcast, and that's what they talk about, theoretically thinking this will, based on research, be one of the best podcasts out there.

00:55:11.000 Well, there's a podcast on it.

00:55:12.000 Look, click on that.

00:55:13.000 It says, George Carlin resurrected.

00:55:14.000 That's what this is.

00:55:15.000 So that's what I'm trying to say.

00:55:17.000 When I was looking into, like, what is this George Carlin thing, it's on this account that they call Dudezy, and they're saying, like, Dudezy made this.

00:55:24.000 Oh, so they made it through AI. It's most likely like that Kanye song we played with Tony, where someone wrote in how George Carlin would write, and then...

00:55:34.000 Performed it all and then got George Carlin's voice to go over top of that.

00:55:37.000 Well, it's like a version of his voice.

00:55:39.000 Oh, wait a minute.

00:55:40.000 So AI didn't write the jokes?

00:55:41.000 I think so.

00:55:41.000 No, I heard AI wrote the jokes.

00:55:44.000 That's tough.

00:55:45.000 That's where it becomes very tough.

00:55:47.000 You're saying that AI didn't write the jokes?

00:55:49.000 In this case, I don't know, but it seems a lot more like the fake thing, like the Drake song and the Kanye song, where it's not 100% done by AI. What you're hearing is like an AI doing a deepfake video.

00:56:00.000 And who would write it?

00:56:01.000 In that case, it was the rapper who wrote the rap song.

00:56:04.000 In this case, it's probably comedians who know how to write.

00:56:06.000 On Skeks this week, they played AI versions of their stand-ups to the...

00:56:12.000 Soder, Jay, Louis, Dave, and one other guy, I forget.

00:56:17.000 And they were like, here's your AI version of your stand-up.

00:56:19.000 And they just played it for them, and they all broke it down.

00:56:21.000 How was it?

00:56:22.000 They said it was a lot of fun.

00:56:24.000 It's hard to be worse.

00:56:25.000 Yeah, butterly.

00:56:30.000 Hopefully it's not amazing.

00:56:32.000 You're the only one that got that joke.

00:56:35.000 Lewis is like, can I use that? 0.99

00:56:37.000 I feel like we're joking around about the first rain shower that comes before the torrential flood that caused Noah to build a fucking ark. 0.98

00:56:46.000 You're right. 0.98

00:56:46.000 I think it's going to get bad. 0.98

00:56:48.000 It's going to be a new world.

00:56:50.000 The world is going to be built...

00:56:53.000 In a very hazy way.

00:56:55.000 All this stuff about AI, everybody, like, we all talk, it's scary, and you see, you know, I understand why Riders were, like, Riders Guild was, like, really concerned about this.

00:57:03.000 And they're concerned by version one, dude.

00:57:08.000 Like, this just started.

00:57:09.000 And this is teaching the next version. 1.00

00:57:11.000 Imagine the first fucking iPhone. 1.00

00:57:13.000 Also, it's going to get rid of a lot of shitty writers. 1.00

00:57:16.000 That's the thing. 0.98

00:57:17.000 Can you stop stealing Copenhagen TV shows and make something?

00:57:20.000 All those people keep making the same cop show over and over again. 1.00

00:57:24.000 Get the fuck out. 1.00

00:57:25.000 Doing Mr. and Mrs. Smith. 0.99

00:57:27.000 Here's the thing. 0.99

00:57:27.000 It'll replace a lot of low-level basic shit. 0.99

00:57:32.000 And you'll lose a lot of great ones. 0.97

00:57:33.000 You still need your Christopher Nolan to write his stuff. 0.97

00:57:35.000 Yeah, but Christopher Nolan had to be a shitty writer first. 0.99

00:57:37.000 100%. 1.00

00:57:37.000 You've got to be a shitty writer first to become Christopher Nolan. 1.00

00:57:40.000 Yeah, unless you're some wizard that comes out of his womb. 0.99

00:57:43.000 But that's very rare.

00:57:45.000 Very rare.

00:57:45.000 The only thing I think that would be beneficial is be great if I could do my podcast with AI and then type in, yo, can you take all the annoying parts of me out of there?

00:57:55.000 Like when I talk over you, I would love laughing.

00:57:59.000 Not talk over people. 1.00

00:58:00.000 You don't need a fucking robot. 1.00

00:58:02.000 It's kind of fucking tough. 1.00

00:58:03.000 You don't need a robot to do it for you. 0.99

00:58:04.000 I finally, I told you. 0.95

00:58:06.000 So Bert has this thing where anybody, anybody with any level of celebrity, he fucking geeks out so hard on you. 0.97

00:58:16.000 It does. 0.98

00:58:16.000 It's so embarrassing. 0.98

00:58:16.000 Like a TikTok person. 0.98

00:58:18.000 I love your stuff.

00:58:19.000 He's like, I'm the biggest fan.

00:58:19.000 Oh my God, I saw the video.

00:58:21.000 Oh my God, I'm the biggest fan.

00:58:22.000 I love you so much.

00:58:23.000 And then he goes, and then he waits to tell them about him.

00:58:27.000 He tells them his resume.

00:58:28.000 Do you have imposter syndrome?

00:58:30.000 Of course.

00:58:31.000 If you don't, I am curious why.

00:58:33.000 I didn't say I don't.

00:58:34.000 Why is he so aggressive?

00:58:37.000 My answer was fairly calm.

00:58:40.000 Imposter syndrome is kind of...

00:58:42.000 I was just trying to find out what he was feeling.

00:58:43.000 Imposter syndrome has been loaded as like a slur.

00:58:48.000 I don't think it's a slur at all.

00:58:49.000 I have it.

00:58:51.000 It's hardcore.

00:58:52.000 No, no, no.

00:58:53.000 I don't think it's a slur.

00:58:54.000 I think it comes and goes.

00:58:54.000 I think imposter syndrome is a sign of an introspective person who's trying to navigate a very bizarre situation.

00:59:02.000 I think it's completely 100% natural and normal.

00:59:05.000 And if you didn't have it, again, like what you said, I would be curious.

00:59:09.000 And don't you think it comes in waves?

00:59:10.000 Like, there's times when you feel it. 0.99

00:59:12.000 But the whole reason I brought you up doing that, because you're ridiculous with it. 0.98

00:59:18.000 I'm really bad. 0.98

00:59:19.000 You do it to everyone.

00:59:20.000 I didn't do it to Joe.

00:59:21.000 Oh, I did it to Joe.

00:59:21.000 But you told me.

00:59:22.000 You didn't do it to me.

00:59:23.000 Yeah, you didn't see it.

00:59:24.000 I did it well to you. 0.99

00:59:26.000 What the fuck does that mean? 0.99

00:59:27.000 How did I not see it? 0.99

00:59:28.000 Oh, Joe, when I met you, I was at your front door.

00:59:31.000 I'd already zillowed how much you paid for your house. 0.95

00:59:36.000 I fucking said to you, I said to you real quick, I said, hey man, I'm such a big fan. 0.99

00:59:40.000 I need to meet your dog. 1.00

00:59:41.000 I need to see your deprivation tank.

00:59:42.000 I want to play pool and I want to get high and then we can do the podcast.

00:59:45.000 And you were very generous.

00:59:46.000 You're like, cool.

00:59:47.000 I remember you walked me in your door.

00:59:48.000 You said, hey man, if you stand on this thing and you work out, it like shakes your body, whatever that thing was.

00:59:52.000 And you're like, come on, we'll go down and see it.

00:59:53.000 And you took me out.

00:59:54.000 We saw Johnny Cash.

00:59:56.000 You told me, like, hey, we just got this property so the dogs be out there.

00:59:59.000 I can't really have them.

00:59:59.000 We got the kids.

01:00:00.000 Come on.

01:00:00.000 We'll go out back.

01:00:01.000 I'll show you the swing set.

01:00:02.000 We'll get high.

01:00:02.000 We got high.

01:00:03.000 And then we did the podcast, and I was like, man, that is the...

01:00:05.000 Here's my thing, is there's generous celebrities, like generous, who give you their time, and maybe they don't notice. 0.99

01:00:12.000 And I was like, this guy's a real fucking guy. 0.99

01:00:14.000 Like, he's cool as fuck. 0.99

01:00:15.000 And then we did the podcast. 0.99

01:00:16.000 I had a fucking blast. 0.98

01:00:18.000 And I remember going home and going like... 0.97

01:00:20.000 Man, I don't want to say this out loud, but I was like, I want to be like that guy.

01:00:24.000 Like, I want to be like that guy. 0.99

01:00:25.000 Like, cool as fuck and real. 0.95

01:00:27.000 I remember little things in my life where I've pinpointed things in your life where I go, oh, I got a thing that Joe had. 1.00

01:00:33.000 Your closet was a fucking mess. 0.99

01:00:35.000 There were dildos. 1.00

01:00:37.000 Or not dildos. 0.79

01:00:38.000 Dildos!

01:00:39.000 There was flashlights everywhere.

01:00:41.000 That was when Flashlight was a sponsor.

01:00:42.000 We would give flashlights away. 1.00

01:00:45.000 Hey, do you want to fuck this when you go home? 1.00

01:00:49.000 Hey, you should fuck it. 1.00

01:00:50.000 It feels like a pussy. 1.00

01:00:51.000 It feels great. 1.00

01:00:52.000 But I remember... 0.99

01:00:53.000 They gave us a fucking... 1.00

01:00:54.000 I had a pervert's box. 1.00

01:00:56.000 Like a large, large box.

01:00:59.000 That's how far this has come. 0.98

01:01:01.000 I got the alien butthole. 0.97

01:01:04.000 The blue one.

01:01:05.000 But I remember you had so much stuff in there and you had this generosity.

01:01:09.000 You go, yeah, grab whatever you want, man.

01:01:10.000 It's all stuff from people that want me to check it out.

01:01:13.000 And I remember I took a bunch of vitamins. 0.99

01:01:14.000 I like grab shit. 0.99

01:01:15.000 I was... 1.00

01:01:17.000 I wasn't poor, but it was like free stuff. 0.99

01:01:19.000 And I grabbed a bunch of shit, went home, and I was like... 0.95

01:01:21.000 But I look at life, and when you talk about imposter syndrome, I highlight... 0.99

01:01:26.000 We talked about this the other day.

01:01:27.000 I highlight cool people, and I kind of want to be like them.

01:01:29.000 Because I go, man, I want to be a better person.

01:01:32.000 You know?

01:01:33.000 Like...

01:01:33.000 But he does this thing where he's like, I met the lead singer of, you know, Wilco.

01:01:38.000 I humiliated myself.

01:01:39.000 I humiliated myself.

01:01:41.000 I humiliated myself.

01:01:43.000 I humiliated myself.

01:01:45.000 He just tells him how much he loves it, and then he's like, have you seen my stuff?

01:01:48.000 Dude, I hung out with George R.R. Martin.

01:01:51.000 Oh, yeah.

01:01:52.000 George R.R. Martin.

01:01:53.000 How'd you meet him at a buffet?

01:01:55.000 Yeah.

01:02:00.000 That was good.

01:02:00.000 It was really good.

01:02:01.000 What is that one?

01:02:02.000 It's when a bunch of food's out and you can just take as much as you want.

01:02:05.000 Bert loves them.

01:02:06.000 He's on a website.

01:02:07.000 He's in an app.

01:02:08.000 BuffetsNearMe.com.

01:02:09.000 I saw him at a Grateful Dead concert.

01:02:10.000 Oh, really?

01:02:11.000 That's cool.

01:02:12.000 And I clocked him like three times.

01:02:15.000 Three times.

01:02:16.000 Thursday night, Friday night, Saturday night.

01:02:19.000 And then Sunday night.

01:02:20.000 Yeah, there's that sauce.

01:02:22.000 Sunday night, I couldn't control myself, man.

01:02:25.000 I was a junkie.

01:02:26.000 I was like the way a pedophile must feel when he sees kids riding bikes.

01:02:28.000 So the best part is that Bert tells him how much he loves to show. 1.00

01:02:32.000 Just shut the fuck up, Tom. 1.00

01:02:35.000 Tom, stop. 1.00

01:02:36.000 George reveals things about the show that nobody knows.

01:02:40.000 And then when they leave, Leanne's like, can you believe he told you all that?

01:02:44.000 And he's like, told us what?

01:02:45.000 He's like, well, he told you all those insights, secrets about Game of Thrones.

01:02:49.000 And he's like, what secrets?

01:02:50.000 And he's like, I just wasn't listening because I wanted to talk.

01:02:53.000 He's like, okay.

01:02:54.000 He was just waiting to talk.

01:02:56.000 He told me secrets about writing.

01:02:59.000 You just embrace this aspect of yourself.

01:03:02.000 I can't.

01:03:03.000 You don't like it.

01:03:04.000 It makes you angry when it comes out.

01:03:07.000 You get upset at yourself.

01:03:08.000 But yet, you also embrace it. 0.87

01:03:11.000 It's so gross, though. 0.97

01:03:12.000 It's so gross. 0.95

01:03:13.000 It's like you're playing tic-tac-toe against yourself in your own head. 0.93

01:03:18.000 But here's the thing.

01:03:19.000 I wanted to confess to you, because you go, you told me that you admire the way that I am around celebrities.

01:03:24.000 I love it.

01:03:25.000 I love it.

01:03:26.000 I want to beat that. 0.99

01:03:26.000 You're the guy in an orgy. 0.99

01:03:28.000 You're the guy in the porn who's jerking off before he fucks her. 1.00

01:03:31.000 I'm the guy in the corner going, I got three minutes to give you. 1.00

01:03:33.000 That might be the worst analogy literally ever.

01:03:37.000 That one makes no sense.

01:03:38.000 No one listened to that and was like, yeah, I get it.

01:03:42.000 That's a good call.

01:03:44.000 But here's the thing.

01:03:45.000 What I told him was the truth, which was that I would say...

01:03:50.000 90% of the time when I meet a famous person, I don't care that I'm meeting them.

01:03:55.000 In other words, I'm just like, yeah, all right, what's up?

01:03:58.000 How you doing? 0.99

01:03:58.000 So it looks like I'm being cool or aloof, but I just don't give a shit. 0.99

01:04:02.000 He really genuinely does not care. 0.99

01:04:03.000 I just don't care.

01:04:03.000 He really does not.

01:04:04.000 Right, because if you go like, hey, this is the guy from the show, I'm like, what's up, man?

01:04:08.000 Anytime I've ever met a famous person, I text Tommy immediately and go, guess who I just met?

01:04:12.000 And I send him a picture.

01:04:12.000 And then...

01:04:13.000 And then Tommy has hung out, legit is friends with Brad Pitt and Jason Momoa, and didn't fucking tell me. 0.79

01:04:20.000 And then I go, why wouldn't you tell me this immediately? 0.89

01:04:23.000 And he goes, I don't know.

01:04:24.000 I didn't think about it.

01:04:25.000 It just didn't really.

01:04:26.000 But then he goes, what would it take?

01:04:28.000 And I'm like, I don't know.

01:04:29.000 And then I text you last night.

01:04:30.000 I go, I guess it's Snoop Dogg. 0.98

01:04:31.000 Because I fucking went into his. 0.98

01:04:33.000 We were on Kimmel, and I went into his dressing room. 0.99

01:04:35.000 And I was like, I guess I'm going Bert.

01:04:37.000 I did my version of Bert.

01:04:39.000 I was like, it's so admirable that your career has lasted.

01:04:47.000 You didn't!

01:04:48.000 You didn't! 0.99

01:04:49.000 Oh, that's fucking great. 0.99

01:04:50.000 Snoop's a tough one. 0.99

01:04:51.000 Snoop's a tough one.

01:04:52.000 He's so nice.

01:04:53.000 And all I did was I was like, I couldn't believe I'm on with him.

01:04:57.000 I met him first.

01:04:57.000 First, he told me he was like, good to see you again.

01:04:59.000 I was like, we've never met him.

01:05:00.000 He thought you were me!

01:05:01.000 And then I went back into his dressing room, and I was just like, it was great to be on the show with you.

01:05:06.000 And I had to tell him, I was like, you know, it's just crazy to me that I bought your album.

01:05:11.000 I bought it in 93. The year before, in 92, was a deep cover.

01:05:17.000 I bought that.

01:05:18.000 And you're still like, you're still Snoop. 1.00

01:05:21.000 It's fucking, it's crazy. 1.00

01:05:22.000 It's 30 fucking whatever years. 1.00

01:05:24.000 Yeah, he's got the best longevity of it. 0.96

01:05:26.000 And so I go, I just admire that.

01:05:28.000 Like, so much.

01:05:29.000 And then, like, he said, you know, he says everything cool.

01:05:32.000 Yeah.

01:05:33.000 Wait, try to guess. 1.00

01:05:34.000 Shut the fuck up! 1.00

01:05:37.000 He goes, let me get a flick with you. 1.00

01:05:41.000 And I go, oh, that means picture.

01:05:43.000 Like, let me get a flick with you.

01:05:46.000 And I was like, yeah.

01:05:47.000 So he asked for the photo, and then I was like, yeah, this is, I mean, he goes, yeah, I want to be a movie star, too.

01:05:53.000 And I'm like, I'm not in any movie star.

01:05:56.000 You were in a very big movie with Mark Wahlberg.

01:05:58.000 Bro, do you know how high he is all day long?

01:06:00.000 Do you know how high he was there?

01:06:02.000 Snoop lives in an alternative dimension.

01:06:04.000 Yeah.

01:06:05.000 It's not where we are.

01:06:07.000 It's very cool to be, because I know you've been on the podcast, but to be around someone and be around other people who you're like, dude, everyone, every age group, every generation.

01:06:17.000 Loves him.

01:06:17.000 He did Sesame Street.

01:06:19.000 It's fun to be around.

01:06:20.000 Did a show with Marga Stewart.

01:06:22.000 Yeah.

01:06:22.000 The only time I ever saw him serious was on this podcast when he was talking about how he had to switch to backwoods rolling papers.

01:06:28.000 And he was like, the young kids are telling me, and I really had to make a change.

01:06:32.000 Yeah.

01:06:33.000 Oh, the road blunts the entire time.

01:06:36.000 Wasn't that, like, crazy to be on a show?

01:06:38.000 I lived with Snoop for a month.

01:06:40.000 We lived in a hotel together.

01:06:42.000 We were across the hall, and I worked with him every day.

01:06:45.000 But, I have to say, and you know this, I was really nervous about meeting Snoop, because I can overwhelm people sometimes.

01:06:52.000 Like, I'll just, I have a large wake.

01:06:54.000 That self-awareness, that's advanced.

01:06:56.000 He does have it.

01:06:57.000 That's advanced.

01:06:58.000 Right?

01:06:58.000 I'm trying.

01:06:59.000 But I said to Tommy, can you tell me how to meet Snoop?

01:07:03.000 Because I know how you do it.

01:07:04.000 You do it cool.

01:07:05.000 Tell me how to do it cool because I want to be friends with him.

01:07:07.000 Hey, whatever.

01:07:08.000 You don't hide stuff.

01:07:09.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:07:10.000 And you said, I like you.

01:07:13.000 Snoop will like you.

01:07:14.000 Be yourself.

01:07:15.000 So I was myself. 1.00

01:07:16.000 And of course, I fucking lost my goddamn shit. 1.00

01:07:20.000 And Snoop stopped. 1.00

01:07:21.000 Snoop stopped.

01:07:23.000 And real quick, like in the middle of me being me, he just FaceTimes Red Grant and he goes, hey, you know this guy?

01:07:29.000 And he flips it around and I go, and Red goes, he's cool.

01:07:32.000 And he goes, alright, cool.

01:07:33.000 And he's like, you're cool.

01:07:35.000 It is me and Snoop FaceTiming with Dave Chappelle and Donnell Rollins. 0.98

01:07:38.000 But that was the night we got high and fucking... 0.98

01:07:41.000 Snoop's the best, man. 1.00

01:07:44.000 He's the fucking best. 0.97

01:07:45.000 So you got him to the point where it was like, maybe I don't want to be in this conversation. 0.99

01:07:48.000 He had to check my credibility.

01:07:50.000 He had to check my credibility.

01:07:52.000 We were talking about Cat Williams.

01:07:54.000 And I was talking about Pimp...

01:07:56.000 Pimp...

01:07:57.000 Chronicles.

01:07:58.000 Chronicles.

01:07:59.000 And then I was...

01:08:01.000 It's embarrassing.

01:08:02.000 It's embarrassing.

01:08:03.000 But I knew that Snoop knew Red, and I knew that if I brought up Red, Snoop would think maybe, okay, he might know people I know.

01:08:11.000 That was smart. 0.98

01:08:11.000 But then immediately, Snoop called me on my shit, and in the middle of my story, just FaceTimed Red. 0.98

01:08:16.000 You know him? 0.99

01:08:17.000 And then Red's like, yeah, he's great.

01:08:19.000 I love Bert.

01:08:19.000 Yeah, but haven't you ever had conversations with people you know you don't know them and they pretend they know you and they also bring up people that supposedly they know that you know.

01:08:27.000 References, you know you're not going to check.

01:08:29.000 Oh, you know Chris, man.

01:08:30.000 You know Chris, my boy Chris from Rochester?

01:08:32.000 I met this dude and he was like, he goes, we met before.

01:08:36.000 We met before with Mark Wahlberg.

01:08:38.000 I go, oh, cool.

01:08:40.000 Never met Mark Wahlberg.

01:08:42.000 You're just like, great.

01:08:44.000 I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:08:45.000 I remember.

01:08:46.000 Oh, you're crazy. 1.00

01:08:48.000 You're a crazy, crazy liar person. 1.00

01:08:50.000 A lot of people say you bring your name up. 1.00

01:08:52.000 Yeah, that's wild.

01:08:53.000 Astounding.

01:08:54.000 Yeah, I'm friends with Joe.

01:08:55.000 This is a guy I met.

01:08:56.000 And I do it too.

01:08:57.000 His dentist told me.

01:08:59.000 His dentist told him he played golf with me.

01:09:02.000 Oh yeah, Joe the golfer.

01:09:03.000 Joe the golfer?

01:09:04.000 He's like, my dad plays golf with you. 0.99

01:09:06.000 Guy does fucking three rounds every day. 1.00

01:09:08.000 Well, your dad is just crazy, don't let him operate on you, bro. 1.00

01:09:11.000 He puts you under and sticks his dick in your mouth. 1.00

01:09:13.000 I think the weirdest thing about the Joe connection is people being like, can you give this to Joe? 1.00

01:09:18.000 Oh, I get that all the time.

01:09:19.000 That's the thing I get the most when I'm like, huh?

01:09:21.000 And they're like, I wrote this.

01:09:23.000 Can you give this to him?

01:09:24.000 What is it, another manifesto?

01:09:26.000 Yeah, sure.

01:09:27.000 Oh, definitely.

01:09:28.000 If the type is really little, they write really small and get scared.

01:09:31.000 Or you get...

01:09:32.000 The scariest is...

01:09:33.000 Tiny letters, like, no! 0.97

01:09:36.000 If they try to, like, two sentences in one line, you know, like, one on top of each other, I'll be fucking terrified. 0.51

01:09:42.000 You ever seen writing on writing? 0.73

01:09:44.000 Yeah.

01:09:44.000 That's schizophrenic.

01:09:46.000 Schizophrenic. 0.95

01:09:46.000 Telltale of schizophrenia. 0.95

01:09:47.000 Writing on top of writing.

01:09:49.000 What do you mean on top of writing?

01:09:50.000 So you write something and then write right over it.

01:09:52.000 Write on top of it.

01:09:53.000 So you can't read it.

01:09:55.000 It's alien.

01:09:56.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:09:56.000 And then they'll be like, check this out.

01:09:58.000 And so immediately you're just like, oh, yeah, no, this is good.

01:10:02.000 I'll give this to him.

01:10:03.000 This is really good.

01:10:04.000 Just to his people. 0.74

01:10:04.000 Yeah, there's some people that for whatever reason, whatever fucking happens, whether it's chemical or neurons, whatever it is that makes that shift, They're seeing things completely different than you. 0.74

01:10:15.000 By the way, gentlemen, you all look very sharp. 0.90

01:10:17.000 Thank you.

01:10:18.000 Hey, by the way...

01:10:18.000 Cheers to Bert, because it was his idea for us all to wear suits.

01:10:22.000 Cheers.

01:10:25.000 How long have you been doing these?

01:10:29.000 So the first one was the three of us, and that was the weight loss challenge.

01:10:33.000 That's 2017?

01:10:34.000 2017. I left there.

01:10:36.000 I left right.

01:10:37.000 I left.

01:10:37.000 Yeah, you guys did it right before I took off.

01:10:39.000 Right before you became a New York comedian.

01:10:42.000 No, no, no.

01:10:43.000 Best thing you ever did.

01:10:44.000 Best thing you ever did.

01:10:45.000 Well, shut the fuck up. 1.00

01:10:46.000 I'm giving him a hard time. 1.00

01:10:47.000 Ari changed the scope of comedy. 0.96

01:10:49.000 I'm in the middle of giving him a hard time at Bert's cock pocket. 0.90

01:10:51.000 Alright, you know what? 1.00

01:10:52.000 Fuck you. 1.00

01:10:53.000 Ari changed the scope of comedy. 1.00

01:10:54.000 He did.

01:10:55.000 I did.

01:10:55.000 I united the scenes.

01:10:56.000 You did.

01:10:56.000 United the scenes.

01:10:58.000 You would not know Andrew Schultz without Ari.

01:11:02.000 You would not know Chris DiStefano?

01:11:03.000 Is that a rosary?

01:11:04.000 You may not know Tim Dillon without Ari branching...

01:11:08.000 No, I reached out to Tim Dillon.

01:11:10.000 No, I showed you a tweet of his and you're like, that's good.

01:11:12.000 Hey, last two, no doubt you'd 100% introduce me to very funny comedians.

01:11:17.000 Hold on.

01:11:18.000 Joe, you do not know the back tweets, back texts we have when we want to introduce you to people.

01:11:24.000 Why?

01:11:26.000 Because you are the biggest media brand in the world.

01:11:30.000 I don't like what?

01:11:31.000 Recommendations.

01:11:31.000 You don't.

01:11:32.000 It's not true.

01:11:32.000 You're like, I'll find it on my own.

01:11:34.000 Well, I do like to find as many things organically as possible.

01:11:38.000 I recommended Brian Simpson.

01:11:39.000 Yeah, you definitely did. 1.00

01:11:40.000 He's the shit. 1.00

01:11:41.000 Well, Tommy's recommendations are different than me and Ari's. 1.00

01:11:43.000 We recommended Shane Gillis for a year and a half.

01:11:45.000 How long did we text back and forth?

01:11:47.000 Ari, one time...

01:11:47.000 This guy's not taking this guy.

01:11:48.000 And we're like, yo, we gotta send him the Toyota Isis. 0.71

01:11:52.000 And then Ari's like, I'll send it.

01:11:54.000 You reply. 0.96

01:11:55.000 And be like, how fucking funny is this, Ari? 0.96

01:11:58.000 Listen, I get to things... 0.96

01:12:00.000 Oh my god, you're right.

01:12:01.000 I get to things in the perfect amount of time.

01:12:04.000 You do.

01:12:04.000 No, you do.

01:12:05.000 It's all working well.

01:12:06.000 It's too overwhelming.

01:12:07.000 The wave that comes at me is too overwhelming.

01:12:11.000 So what I do is I just do my best to just stay present, think about what I want to talk about.

01:12:17.000 It's a lot of information coming at you.

01:12:18.000 It's actually freeing because people are like, can you get me on Joe's podcast?

01:12:20.000 I'm like, he's not going to listen to me.

01:12:21.000 So no.

01:12:22.000 There's no point.

01:12:23.000 I had a guy.

01:12:24.000 I'll say his name. 0.96

01:12:25.000 Guy reached out and wanted to be on Joe's podcast so fucking bad.

01:12:27.000 Are you sure you want to say his name? 0.96

01:12:29.000 Sure, I don't care.

01:12:29.000 I love the guy.

01:12:31.000 I don't need to.

01:12:31.000 Who is it?

01:12:32.000 Theo Vaughn.

01:12:33.000 Wanted to be on Joe's podcast before you would have ever, like, clocked him.

01:12:37.000 And he was like, hey man, can you help me get on Joe's?

01:12:38.000 And I said to Theo, you know what?

01:12:41.000 It's not good if I take you to him.

01:12:43.000 Trust me. 0.97

01:12:43.000 I go, trust me, you're so fucking funny. 0.97

01:12:46.000 Joe's gonna find you, and when you do his podcast, you'll murder because Joe loves you. 0.99

01:12:51.000 And Theo's first appearance on this podcast was a monster.

01:12:56.000 And trust you, if I had said, like, Joe, can you take my buddy?

01:12:58.000 You would've.

01:12:59.000 And Theo's so bizarre that if you don't know who he is...

01:13:03.000 I almost always take comic recommendations.

01:13:05.000 Like, if Ari recommends someone, I almost always 100%.

01:13:08.000 Adrian?

01:13:08.000 I hate to do this, Joe.

01:13:09.000 We're shaking our heads.

01:13:11.000 Joe, we love you.

01:13:12.000 We love you, Joe.

01:13:13.000 Have you seen on?

01:13:15.000 Is that what you're saying?

01:13:16.000 No, I do.

01:13:16.000 I just don't...

01:13:17.000 I filter them in when I see fit.

01:13:20.000 I have...

01:13:22.000 Scientists and athletes and authors and movies.

01:13:26.000 There's this funnel of people.

01:13:29.000 And I have to keep it in the realm of what do I want to do.

01:13:35.000 Yeah, true.

01:13:35.000 I have to.

01:13:36.000 I got to ask you one.

01:13:37.000 And there might not be one answer, but maybe there's a few.

01:13:40.000 Have you ever had the most like, okay, I'll have them on.

01:13:44.000 Like, yeah, I'll have this person on.

01:13:46.000 And you're the most impressed, like most blown away by them.

01:13:50.000 They were great.

01:13:51.000 Yeah, it doesn't have to be a comedian. 0.96

01:13:53.000 It could be an athlete, actor, scientist, where you're just like, holy shit, that was amazing, and you weren't expecting it? 0.98

01:13:59.000 You know what? 0.61

01:14:00.000 If I mentioned one, I would do a disservice to so many of them that have happened that way.

01:14:05.000 Yeah, okay.

01:14:06.000 Yeah, there's just so many.

01:14:07.000 There's so many that people recommended.

01:14:09.000 Henry Rollins was good.

01:14:10.000 Oh, he was amazing.

01:14:11.000 He was on a couple of times.

01:14:13.000 And that was one of those ones where I was like, I worried that we wouldn't get along.

01:14:19.000 With Henry?

01:14:20.000 He's very volatile.

01:14:21.000 Yeah.

01:14:21.000 He's very volatile.

01:14:23.000 Agro.

01:14:23.000 Yeah.

01:14:24.000 But in a weird way that I feel like...

01:14:28.000 I'm glad you struggled, too.

01:14:29.000 I feel like if you confront him with any aggression, he comes back at you tenfold and feels justified.

01:14:37.000 Ah.

01:14:38.000 I was on a radio station once in Austin, and they had this conversation with him, and they said something, and it went... 0.86

01:14:45.000 He interpreted what they said really badly and then he went off on them and just fucking attacked them and was talking about how successful he is and it was a weird conversation.

01:14:56.000 I love hearing those. 0.97

01:14:57.000 But I know guys like that.

01:14:59.000 I know guys like that from fighting.

01:15:01.000 There's certain guys that you just have to massage your relationship with them.

01:15:07.000 And I'm not saying that's Henry Rollins, but I'm saying it's guys who get angry really quickly and like maybe misread the room.

01:15:12.000 I think you know how to navigate that really well, though. 0.95

01:15:14.000 And the dude, first of all, he was like, Henry Rollins at one point in time was like a fucking serious power lifter.

01:15:20.000 Have you ever seen? 0.91

01:15:21.000 I didn't know that.

01:15:22.000 Yeah, when he did that video, I'm a liar. 0.66

01:15:24.000 Do you ever see how jacked he is? 0.92

01:15:26.000 Yes. 0.99

01:15:27.000 Put up I'm a liar. 0.98

01:15:28.000 Cause I'm a liar.

01:15:30.000 But now he's settled into his older years and he mostly does bodyweight stuff.

01:15:35.000 We actually had a conversation about it.

01:15:36.000 But he wrote an amazing essay.

01:15:38.000 Jesus.

01:15:39.000 No, that's not him. 1.00

01:15:39.000 That's Franco Colombo, you son of a bitch. 1.00

01:15:41.000 What the fuck? 1.00

01:15:42.000 No, there's a video. 1.00

01:15:44.000 There's a music video.

01:15:45.000 That's it.

01:15:46.000 That's it.

01:15:46.000 I was like he had a pull of the hair.

01:15:48.000 You see how he's screaming in that snapshot?

01:15:51.000 That's from the video.

01:15:53.000 That's from the music video.

01:15:55.000 The music video has nothing to do with this essay, but he wrote an essay about lifting weights.

01:16:03.000 What is it called, Jamie?

01:16:04.000 Something about truth is in the iron? 0.99

01:16:07.000 It's fucking great. 0.97

01:16:09.000 Truth is in the iron is a badass statement. 0.99

01:16:12.000 The iron.

01:16:12.000 That's what it is.

01:16:13.000 Does he say it here?

01:16:14.000 Give me volume.

01:16:22.000 This is a kid reading Henry Rollins' book.

01:16:27.000 That's what that is.

01:16:29.000 Go to the essay itself.

01:16:33.000 God, I like Henry.

01:16:34.000 Because it's an essay that Henry Rollins, by the way, writes constantly. 0.99

01:16:39.000 He writes for a bunch of different publications, he writes essays all the time, and he listens to a shit ton of fucking, a shit ton of music, like on vinyl. 0.99

01:16:49.000 He has this insane setup in his house where he has like $250,000 speakers. 0.99

01:16:54.000 It's madness.

01:16:55.000 He's just a music fiend.

01:16:58.000 So, this is it.

01:16:59.000 I believe that the definition of definition is reinvention.

01:17:06.000 To not be like your parents, to not be like your friends, to be yourself completely.

01:17:10.000 When I was young, I had no sense of myself.

01:17:12.000 All I was was a product of all the fear and humiliation that I suffered.

01:17:16.000 Fear of my parents, the humiliation of teachers calling me garbage can and telling me that I'd be mowing lawns for a living.

01:17:25.000 We're good to go.

01:17:28.000 We're good to go.

01:17:38.000 I was there to be antagonized.

01:17:39.000 In sports, I was laughed at.

01:17:41.000 A spaz. 1.00

01:17:41.000 I was pretty good at boxing, but only because of the rage that filled my every waking moment. 1.00

01:17:46.000 Made me wild and unpredictable.

01:17:48.000 I fought with some strange fury.

01:17:51.000 The other boys thought I was crazy.

01:17:52.000 I hated myself all the time. 0.99

01:17:54.000 As stupid as it seems now, I wanted to talk like them, dress like them, carry myself with the ease of knowing that I wasn't going to get pounded in the hallways between classes. 0.99

01:18:04.000 Years passed, and I learned to keep it all inside. 1.00

01:18:06.000 I only talked to a few boys in my grade, other losers.

01:18:10.000 Some of them are, to this day, the greatest people I have ever known.

01:18:14.000 Hang out with a guy who has had his head flushed down a toilet a few times, treat him with respect, and you'll find a faithful friend forever.

01:18:22.000 But even with friends, school sucked, teachers gave me hard times.

01:18:27.000 I can't read this forever. 0.99

01:18:28.000 This is gonna boil shit up. 0.90

01:18:30.000 Let's get to the wait part. 0.96

01:18:31.000 Oh my god.

01:18:33.000 Have you ever had your head flushed in a toilet?

01:18:35.000 Me?

01:18:36.000 No.

01:18:37.000 Okay.

01:18:37.000 Have you?

01:18:38.000 Of course.

01:18:39.000 Really?

01:18:39.000 In high school?

01:18:40.000 Yeah.

01:18:41.000 I love how you brought Henry Rollins again back to you.

01:18:44.000 I prefer to work out alone.

01:18:46.000 It's a pivotal moment, and the thing is, have you ever been violated like that?

01:18:50.000 I mean, that's what he's writing about is violation.

01:18:52.000 Was there anything in the toilet?

01:18:53.000 Yeah.

01:18:54.000 No, no, no.

01:18:54.000 It was at Forest Hills Baseball.

01:18:56.000 I mean, it's being violated.

01:18:57.000 You have to be held up by a group of boys, and then they put your head in the toilet, which, flushed or not flushed, it's a violation.

01:19:05.000 I mean, I'm not bringing it back to me. 0.98

01:19:07.000 I'm just saying, like, that's a very fucking powerful thing. 0.95

01:19:10.000 They were called swirlies. 0.95

01:19:12.000 Right here, through the years.

01:19:13.000 Yeah.

01:19:13.000 Through the years, I have combined meditation, action, and the iron into a single strength.

01:19:17.000 I believe that when the body is strong, the mind thinks strong thoughts.

01:19:21.000 Time spent away from the iron makes my mind degenerate.

01:19:25.000 I wallow in a thick depression.

01:19:26.000 My body shuts down my mind.

01:19:28.000 The iron is the best antidepressant I have ever found.

01:19:31.000 There is no better way to fight weakness than with strength.

01:19:34.000 Once the mind and body have been awakened to their true potential, it's impossible to turn back.

01:19:39.000 The iron never lies to you.

01:19:42.000 That's badass. 0.99

01:19:43.000 Fucking perfect. 0.98

01:19:44.000 That's badass. 0.99

01:19:44.000 That's perfect. 0.99

01:19:45.000 That's 100% true.

01:19:46.000 I feel that.

01:19:47.000 Yeah, you embody that.

01:19:49.000 Yeah.

01:19:49.000 But you were bullied as a kid.

01:19:51.000 Oh, yeah, for sure.

01:19:52.000 Yeah.

01:19:53.000 Yeah, I was little.

01:19:53.000 So I didn't like it, and I also moved into new neighborhoods all the time.

01:19:58.000 I moved into new neighborhoods like three or four times when I was a kid. 0.97

01:20:01.000 So it was like every time I was the new guy, and I wasn't a big guy, and dudes were fucking with me. 0.99

01:20:07.000 I was like, damn, I got to learn how to fight. 0.99

01:20:09.000 That was 100% my motivation. 0.98

01:20:12.000 I wasn't like a kid that looked for fights, ever.

01:20:16.000 I was just terrified.

01:20:18.000 I was like, okay, I'm tired of this.

01:20:20.000 What's the solution?

01:20:21.000 I gotta learn martial arts.

01:20:23.000 Watch Bruce Lee movies.

01:20:24.000 I'm like, alright, I don't want to be like that guy.

01:20:26.000 Is that physically possible?

01:20:27.000 What about, because what we were talking about right before was asking people things.

01:20:31.000 Because you've had so many fighters.

01:20:33.000 You love MMA, and you're a great commentator.

01:20:36.000 I think you're a great analyst.

01:20:37.000 You really know so much about it.

01:20:40.000 It's fun to talk to you, to learn.

01:20:42.000 I think it's fun to learn.

01:20:44.000 But have you ever had a fighter that...

01:20:47.000 Because you give honest takes on things when you're watching something.

01:20:52.000 You're like, this guy's ground game is not as strong, or this guy's striking is what it is.

01:20:57.000 You're honest about it.

01:20:58.000 Has a fighter ever carried that...

01:21:01.000 Like, comment, and then come in here and been like, you know, I didn't really like it.

01:21:05.000 No, not in here.

01:21:06.000 I saw it once at dinner.

01:21:07.000 Where?

01:21:08.000 Heath Herring.

01:21:09.000 When he was like, hey, you said some stuff about me, whatever, but just so you know, I was injured during that fight.

01:21:14.000 I was nursing a knee injury, just so you're aware of what was going on.

01:21:18.000 What I said is, I have to comment on what's happening.

01:21:20.000 I would normally...

01:21:23.000 Like, I always give...

01:21:26.000 If someone's got an unusually bad performance, I will try to give this...

01:21:33.000 Kind of qualify it?

01:21:34.000 You never know what's going on.

01:21:35.000 If you see a guy carrying a little bit of extra weight, sometimes you see a little bit of love handles, you're like, hmm, that's weird.

01:21:41.000 His camp maybe wasn't as strong.

01:21:42.000 There might have been something wrong. 0.98

01:21:44.000 And that's so fucking common. 0.94

01:21:48.000 Literally no fighter at a world-class level goes into that octagon 100%. 0.98

01:21:53.000 They just don't.

01:21:54.000 They just don't. 0.99

01:21:55.000 Someone's got a fucked up elbow. 0.99

01:21:57.000 Someone's neck's kind of weird. 0.98

01:21:58.000 Someone doesn't want to wrestle.

01:21:59.000 Their knee's bad. 1.00

01:22:00.000 Their ankle's fucked. 1.00

01:22:02.000 They got their ankle taped. 1.00

01:22:03.000 Why is his ankle taped? 0.99

01:22:05.000 There's so many guys go in there with real fucking injuries, man. 0.98

01:22:09.000 But do they ever bring any hostility to a comment made? 0.98

01:22:13.000 No.

01:22:14.000 I've had conversations with guys, but over the years I've learned to express as much respect as I have.

01:22:21.000 Sometimes you're just commenting in the moment, like you would with friends, like, oh, he's breaking.

01:22:25.000 He's breaking.

01:22:26.000 But you have to be careful how you say that when a guy is in a fight, if the guy's gonna watch it, and he knows he's breaking, and you're just kind of compounding his awful moment.

01:22:37.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:22:37.000 Because guys break.

01:22:38.000 Sure.

01:22:39.000 They do break, but it's not my place to say that necessarily.

01:22:43.000 It is my place to comment on the technical aspects of how the exchange is going.

01:22:48.000 If I see them folding, if I see certain characteristics where they're not engaging, they're just moving in a defensive way, and they seem to be looking for a way out.

01:22:59.000 Mm-hmm.

01:22:59.000 You know?

01:22:59.000 Greg Jackson told me that he sees fighters except that they're not gonna win.

01:23:04.000 100%.

01:23:04.000 And then they're just fighting not to get knocked out.

01:23:06.000 Exactly.

01:23:07.000 100%.

01:23:07.000 Who was at the UFC Austin that, like, he was 40 and, like, he's been fighting for, like...

01:23:12.000 Benil Dariush.

01:23:13.000 Man.

01:23:14.000 That was crazy. 1.00

01:23:14.000 The guy he fought, though, is a fucking assassin. 1.00

01:23:19.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:23:20.000 He has one loss to Gamrot and he has one loss to Ismail Makachev who's the world champion and by most people's eyes at least number one or number two pound for pound in the world.

01:23:36.000 What was that?

01:23:37.000 What are you showing me? 1.00

01:23:40.000 So that guy, Armand Saryukian, he's a fucking assassin. 0.99

01:23:45.000 And Benil Dariush, who's a very good fighter, at this stage of his life is, you know, he's... 0.99

01:23:51.000 I don't know how old Benil is, but I think he's close to 40. He's got gray hair.

01:23:56.000 That was the thing that stood out there.

01:23:58.000 You're like, man, can you imagine doing this at 40?

01:24:00.000 But he's also a very elite fighter. 0.99

01:24:04.000 Benil Dariush is fucking elite. 0.97

01:24:06.000 He's very good. 0.99

01:24:07.000 I mean...

01:24:09.000 But the UFC is a clean sport.

01:24:11.000 Right now with USADA gone and now...

01:24:15.000 What is the new company called?

01:24:18.000 Clean sport?

01:24:21.000 No.

01:24:22.000 So what?

01:24:23.000 So they still drug test.

01:24:25.000 So there is still a governing body.

01:24:27.000 Yeah.

01:24:27.000 And if you're going to be 40 years old, you're fighting at a disadvantage.

01:24:31.000 So the advantage would be that you know more.

01:24:34.000 Right.

01:24:34.000 Which is an advantage.

01:24:35.000 Like old Captain America.

01:24:36.000 There's an advantage of knowing more, but it's not enough of an advantage to deal with people who also know a lot.

01:24:43.000 And the young people, there's an acceleration that comes from watching things on YouTube and watching things streaming.

01:24:49.000 The young people are way better than the people that are older now were when they were that young.

01:24:54.000 Sure.

01:24:55.000 Sure.

01:24:55.000 There's a drug-free sport.

01:24:58.000 But the guy he fought, the guy you're saying, wasn't he like 22 or something?

01:25:03.000 Yep.

01:25:03.000 He's world-class, and he was world-class when he was 20. And the fight with Makachev, it was a very close decision.

01:25:10.000 I don't remember if it was split.

01:25:11.000 It might have been unanimous, but it was a super close decision.

01:25:15.000 So Benil's only 34?

01:25:17.000 Yeah.

01:25:18.000 No way!

01:25:19.000 Why'd you bring him up, Tom?

01:25:20.000 Benil's only 34. I'm sorry, Benil.

01:25:22.000 It's your hair, brother.

01:25:24.000 Benil's gonna be mad at me!

01:25:25.000 No, Benil's a very good guy.

01:25:27.000 He's a very, very smart guy.

01:25:29.000 He's gonna take his walker over here and beat you with it. 0.96

01:25:31.000 He's also elite at jiu-jitsu.

01:25:33.000 I don't remember why I brought him up.

01:25:35.000 We were talking about the fight. 0.98

01:25:37.000 Goddamn, why did I think he was 40? 0.99

01:25:39.000 I think at that fight, someone had said 40, and I was just like, that is insane, bro. 0.99

01:25:45.000 Oh, that's what it is.

01:25:47.000 That's insane.

01:25:48.000 If that were true, can you imagine jumping in the octagon at 40 with a guy who's 21, 22?

01:25:55.000 But Randy Couture was world class when he was 40. Yeah.

01:25:58.000 Heavyweights are different.

01:25:59.000 Randy Couture's a badass.

01:26:00.000 He was world class when he was 40. But also, there was no USADA back then.

01:26:06.000 How do you measure?

01:26:08.000 How do you measure?

01:26:09.000 I mean, Alistair Overeem isn't Alistair Overeem.

01:26:13.000 Right.

01:26:14.000 With USADA. It's just not the same thing.

01:26:16.000 They didn't have anything?

01:26:17.000 They didn't have any testing? 1.00

01:26:18.000 It was a fucking intelligence test. 1.00

01:26:21.000 He looks like he's not. 1.00

01:26:23.000 Yeah, he's withered away.

01:26:25.000 Clay Guida also fought that night.

01:26:26.000 He's 42. Could have been him.

01:26:27.000 Oh, yeah.

01:26:28.000 Clay Guida.

01:26:30.000 Is that who he was talking about?

01:26:31.000 The wild man.

01:26:32.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:26:32.000 You're not talking about the guy who got knocked out.

01:26:34.000 No, no.

01:26:34.000 I'm talking about this team.

01:26:35.000 That's where our conversation got confused.

01:26:37.000 That's where I got confused.

01:26:38.000 No, Clay is 42. So why'd you bring him up?

01:26:40.000 Because he was at that fight.

01:26:41.000 And you said Joe said something about him or something like that?

01:26:44.000 What were you talking about?

01:26:45.000 I forget what the origin...

01:26:46.000 I've been drinking.

01:26:47.000 I forget the origin of the conversation.

01:26:48.000 How do you measure when you are a legit fan of someone and you kind of want them to win?

01:26:53.000 Yeah, you can't.

01:26:54.000 Well, that was a real problem with being Shaub, when Shaub would fight.

01:26:58.000 Because I also knew that Sha... 0.99

01:26:59.000 I know when someone has one foot in and one foot out, because I had one foot in and one foot out when I started doing stand-up.

01:27:05.000 I was still fighting when I was doing stand-up.

01:27:07.000 And I know when you're not 100% focused, that's a dangerous place to be.

01:27:11.000 Because you can get overconfident and you think that you're still at the same level that you were at if you're 100% all-in, but you're not.

01:27:18.000 You're not.

01:27:19.000 You're not.

01:27:20.000 The people that are 100% all-in on being world champion are not also thinking about, I'm gonna start this podcast and we're gonna go do a tour and do stand-up, and now I'm making more money doing podcasts than I was doing fighting,

01:27:36.000 and now they're taking the promotions away.

01:27:40.000 I had more money from...

01:27:41.000 Sean had more money from ads on his shorts than he would get from his UFC paycheck.

01:27:47.000 So I knew he was one foot in, one foot out.

01:27:50.000 So with that situation, it's like, you gotta stop.

01:27:53.000 Like, I've seen this.

01:27:54.000 You gotta stop.

01:27:55.000 But some guys, you can't tell them to stop.

01:27:57.000 It's like, they have this thing in their head, and they want to figure out how to get to where they used to be one more time.

01:28:06.000 They think they can do it.

01:28:07.000 They know they can do it.

01:28:08.000 I feel like that was stand-up.

01:28:08.000 But I would root for a guy, though.

01:28:10.000 I'd be like, come on!

01:28:11.000 That would come out.

01:28:12.000 That's Tony Ferguson.

01:28:13.000 That's Tony Ferguson.

01:28:14.000 Everybody roots for Tony.

01:28:15.000 Everybody loves Tony.

01:28:16.000 Everybody roots for Tony to go back to when he was the boogeyman. 0.99

01:28:19.000 Because, you know, El Kukui, that fucking guy, he just seemed impenetrable. 1.00

01:28:25.000 It didn't matter if you hurt him. 1.00

01:28:26.000 You weren't going to stop him.

01:28:27.000 He was coming forward.

01:28:28.000 He has a series of losses in a row now, right?

01:28:31.000 Well, it was really...

01:28:32.000 All from that one knee injury that he got backstage, he tripped over wires and destroyed his knee.

01:28:39.000 Destroyed his knee.

01:28:40.000 That's how?

01:28:41.000 You gotta mitigate risk.

01:28:42.000 He was El Kukui. 0.97

01:28:45.000 He was the interim lightweight champion.

01:28:47.000 He was supposed to fight Khabib Nurmagomedov in Madison Square Garden.

01:28:52.000 And he tripped over wires?

01:28:54.000 In the promo leading up to the show, he was doing one of those ESPN things or whatever, and there were some wires on the ground.

01:29:02.000 He didn't see them and he tripped on them.

01:29:04.000 And he wrecked his knee that way?

01:29:05.000 Wrecked his knee.

01:29:06.000 Tore it apart.

01:29:07.000 Had to have surgery.

01:29:09.000 That part would piss me off so much.

01:29:12.000 That's how it happened.

01:29:13.000 And then he comes back.

01:29:14.000 He beats Anthony Pettis.

01:29:19.000 That would bother me less.

01:29:21.000 Are you 100% now?

01:29:23.000 On the knee, yes.

01:29:24.000 On the arm, no.

01:29:25.000 Really?

01:29:25.000 Which is the opposite of what they tell you.

01:29:27.000 Can you jerk off? 1.00

01:29:28.000 You don't jerk off left-handed, you fucking psycho. 1.00

01:29:31.000 You don't, fucking rookie. 1.00

01:29:33.000 When you're in the hospital, they point to your arm. 1.00

01:29:35.000 Way to turn that around quickly.

01:29:36.000 Good volley.

01:29:37.000 They go, this is not going to be a problem.

01:29:39.000 This is going to be a problem.

01:29:41.000 And you're like, oh, okay.

01:29:42.000 Because you think, oh.

01:29:43.000 And now your knee's 100%?

01:29:45.000 100%.

01:29:45.000 But I have nerve damage in my arm.

01:29:48.000 So it might never, ever, ever be what it was. 0.98

01:29:52.000 Damn. 0.96

01:29:53.000 So where's it at now? 0.99

01:29:54.000 Well, it's just that I, for life, it's fine.

01:29:58.000 Like, you know, I can do anything.

01:29:59.000 But for high-level athletics?

01:30:00.000 Yeah.

01:30:01.000 So with, like, heavy, like, I don't know if I'll ever be able to lift anything heavy again.

01:30:05.000 Can you beat Bird of Tennis?

01:30:07.000 Yeah.

01:30:08.000 External rotation, it really is bad.

01:30:12.000 But even when you have a heavy weight in your hand...

01:30:15.000 Well, first of all, I get wrist collapse at a certain weight.

01:30:16.000 So this hand will be fine, and at a certain weight, it'll collapse.

01:30:22.000 And then you feel things all in the elbow area with heavy weight.

01:30:27.000 So I don't know if I'll ever...

01:30:28.000 Not that I need to, but that's the thing.

01:30:30.000 It's like you go, I don't need...

01:30:32.000 To be a power lifter.

01:30:34.000 Right.

01:30:34.000 But it's still kind of, yeah, it sucks when you're in there and you're like, oh, my whole arm has like these crazy vibrations and pains going on with heavy weight.

01:30:42.000 So you just have to like shift what you do.

01:30:44.000 Yeah, that's why I stopped doing jujitsu for a whole year.

01:30:47.000 I started getting these nerve pains in my fingers.

01:30:51.000 If you push on my forearm, my whole hand will go numb.

01:30:54.000 What?

01:30:54.000 Yeah.

01:30:55.000 Really?

01:30:56.000 Well, they took a nerve from here.

01:30:57.000 Any nerve thing is super dangerous.

01:30:58.000 They took it out of here.

01:30:59.000 You know, I have no nerve here.

01:31:01.000 What?

01:31:01.000 Yeah, I have none.

01:31:02.000 They took it out and they put it in here.

01:31:04.000 Do you mean the tendon?

01:31:05.000 No, they took the nerve out.

01:31:06.000 They took your nerve out?

01:31:07.000 They took the nerve out because...

01:31:08.000 Reconnect nerves?

01:31:09.000 Yeah, it was a state-of-the-art surgery at the time.

01:31:12.000 Wow.

01:31:12.000 So when the guy did it, I was like, how many of these have you done?

01:31:15.000 He goes, one.

01:31:15.000 I go, oh, no.

01:31:16.000 Oh, my God.

01:31:17.000 Oh, my God.

01:31:18.000 And he goes, because you have two nerves and two muscles here to let you pronate.

01:31:23.000 And so they take it out.

01:31:24.000 Can you explain what was happening?

01:31:25.000 That the fingers, the last fingers weren't coming back, right?

01:31:28.000 Is this what you have to wear a light watch?

01:31:29.000 They would go...

01:31:30.000 They go...

01:31:33.000 It was...

01:31:34.000 The injury is in December.

01:31:37.000 And in, like, March, they do a nerve test.

01:31:41.000 And they go, everything is not firing.

01:31:43.000 Like, are you...

01:31:44.000 How are you functioning?

01:31:46.000 And I'm like, yeah, you know...

01:31:47.000 And there were things that were notable.

01:31:50.000 Like, if I went to pick something up, you might not notice.

01:31:53.000 But I would just grab it.

01:31:56.000 My hand didn't open all the way.

01:31:58.000 So if you go like this, I would go like this with my healthy hand, and I would go like this.

01:32:03.000 And that was the most I could do.

01:32:05.000 And they told me, they go, if you wait a year, and the nerve doesn't fire and reconnect on its own, your body consumes a nodule.

01:32:16.000 It just consumes them.

01:32:18.000 It's like you've ever seen somebody who has like a hand that just doesn't work anymore?

01:32:21.000 That's it.

01:32:21.000 That's what that is.

01:32:22.000 That's that nerve damage.

01:32:23.000 So they go, if you elect to just wait it out, just know that where you are could be just where you are forever. 1.00

01:32:31.000 Oh, shit. 0.99

01:32:32.000 And so when he told me that, he's like, or I could do this surgery that's like... 0.99

01:32:36.000 It was actually a Brazilian surgeon who came up with this process, this surgery, and he goes, it works, you know, 100% confident in it.

01:32:45.000 And then he just... 0.99

01:32:47.000 When it starts to hurt, you turn your fucking card over to red. 0.96

01:33:02.000 But then he did it and dude like you know I can yeah I go all the way yeah and I can pick things up but there's things where so you'll think you would think it's strength but it's not strength it's the nerve firing like if I pick up something heavy I got to pick it up and with my right arm pull it up and my left arm is here and you go, 0.99

01:33:19.000 oh, I guess you're just not strong.

01:33:20.000 It's not strength.

01:33:21.000 It's that the nerve isn't firing.

01:33:23.000 It's just not sending the signal.

01:33:25.000 It won't tell it to go.

01:33:25.000 It won't tell it to go all the way.

01:33:27.000 Wow.

01:33:27.000 Dude, in the lone loss in my career where I got TKO'd, I got hit with a left hook and I got hit with a left hook and my legs shut off.

01:33:36.000 Totally shut up. 0.90

01:33:37.000 It's the weirdest sensation of all time. 0.99

01:33:40.000 Wow.

01:33:40.000 I got hit with this hook.

01:33:42.000 It hit my arm and chin, and my legs just stopped working.

01:33:44.000 Just stopped working.

01:33:46.000 I'm conscious.

01:33:47.000 My legs just stopped working.

01:33:48.000 They just completely collapsed.

01:33:50.000 And so the referee starts counting.

01:33:52.000 One, two.

01:33:53.000 And I'm like, whoa.

01:33:55.000 Totally new experience.

01:33:56.000 All my years of competing, never had that.

01:33:58.000 Never had that.

01:33:59.000 So then I stand up and I'm like, these things aren't working right.

01:34:02.000 And then this dude's like throwing punches at me and they stop the fight.

01:34:05.000 But it was a fascinating experience because it was like, it's not about heart and will.

01:34:13.000 It's not about, they just stop working.

01:34:15.000 Haven't you had Zach better on before?

01:34:17.000 Yeah.

01:34:17.000 And he just did that thing where, you know, he's an elite, elite ultra marathon runner.

01:34:23.000 Yeah.

01:34:23.000 And he was out on one of these like 100 milers.

01:34:27.000 And at like 80 miles, he was like, I felt sick.

01:34:31.000 I had to lay down.

01:34:32.000 I tried to rest.

01:34:33.000 He posted about it, you know?

01:34:35.000 And he's like, my legs, they just shut down.

01:34:39.000 So he's like, I just had to, at a certain point, he just goes, I'm tapping out of this one.

01:34:42.000 And it wasn't like, you know, it's different than obviously getting hit, but his body just was like, nope.

01:34:46.000 That's enough.

01:34:47.000 That's it.

01:34:47.000 It's just like, it's over.

01:34:48.000 Not happening.

01:34:49.000 That's kind of like, this is...

01:34:51.000 The wildest thing about these people that are pushing themselves like Zach Bitter does or David Goggins does is that like, Inevitably, they're going to get damaged to that body.

01:35:01.000 David has to.

01:35:02.000 Oh no, he already has.

01:35:04.000 He shared it.

01:35:05.000 He shared it.

01:35:06.000 He sent me videos of his leg where he takes his leg and he compresses his fingers around it and the edema around his shin is so thick that his fingers are embedded in his shin.

01:35:18.000 What?

01:35:19.000 He had his knee severed.

01:35:21.000 What?

01:35:22.000 And then reconnected.

01:35:23.000 He has no cartilage.

01:35:25.000 He's bone on bone.

01:35:26.000 What's that going to be like at 60 for that guy?

01:35:28.000 He's going to get replacements, 100%. 0.99

01:35:30.000 His doctor looked at his knee and said, I can't believe you can fucking walk on this. 0.99

01:35:34.000 Never mind run thousands of miles. 1.00

01:35:36.000 Thousands?

01:35:37.000 Yeah, that's his leg.

01:35:38.000 Look at that.

01:35:38.000 That's edema on his leg.

01:35:40.000 That's from him just putting his fingers on his leg.

01:35:42.000 And that's after one of multiple surgeries he's had.

01:35:46.000 What is edema, if you don't mind me asking?

01:35:48.000 It's the swelling.

01:35:49.000 It's like all this fluid. 0.97

01:35:51.000 It's basically just fucking torn. 1.00

01:35:54.000 Meanwhile, he's an animal, bro. 1.00

01:35:57.000 He's an animal.

01:35:57.000 When he came to my podcast, he got there early.

01:35:59.000 When I walked in, he was already doing chin-ups.

01:36:01.000 He was?

01:36:02.000 Yeah, when I first met him.

01:36:03.000 I went into the gym.

01:36:05.000 The podcast starts at whatever it started at.

01:36:07.000 I get there.

01:36:08.000 He comes in and he's like, don't mind if I do?

01:36:10.000 I meet his wife.

01:36:12.000 I go back.

01:36:13.000 And he's back there doing chin-ups with his shirt off.

01:36:17.000 It's like, there's no reason to rest.

01:36:20.000 Why am I resting right here?

01:36:21.000 There's a whole full gym.

01:36:22.000 Can I use this gym?

01:36:24.000 Let's go.

01:36:25.000 He just goes out there, he's doing gym. 1.00

01:36:26.000 He's a crazy person.

01:36:27.000 What a great way to maximize your time, though. 0.93

01:36:29.000 You just sit there like, you know, I guess we're early.

01:36:33.000 What are you going to do?

01:36:34.000 There's a gym right there.

01:36:35.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:36:36.000 Let's get some ice.

01:36:36.000 Look at his toes.

01:36:37.000 The water.

01:36:38.000 Look at his toes.

01:36:38.000 No.

01:36:39.000 Look at the screen.

01:36:40.000 No.

01:36:41.000 Tommy. 1.00

01:36:43.000 Oh, fuck. 1.00

01:36:44.000 That's Goggin's toe. 1.00

01:36:45.000 Eat it.

01:36:46.000 That's from running.

01:36:48.000 He ran some insane amount of 100 milers in like a short period of time.

01:36:52.000 Can I tell you the most human thing about him is that he reads negative comments.

01:36:57.000 Like when you see that he gets upset about them.

01:37:00.000 He listens to them when he runs.

01:37:03.000 That's where I connect with the guy where I go, who would ever hate on David Goggins?

01:37:09.000 That guy has nothing but inspiration on me.

01:37:11.000 Listen, you gotta let that go. 0.97

01:37:11.000 There's people that are gonna hate on every fucking thing that has ever existed. 0.97

01:37:16.000 And it's not an honest perspective. 0.99

01:37:18.000 It's flavored by their own inadequacies.

01:37:20.000 Got you. 1.00

01:37:21.000 A big part of it is flavored by their own fucking disastrous life. 0.99

01:37:25.000 David Goggins is what I listen to when I, if I'm hungover, I go to the gym, I throw on David Goggins, they got a thing on him, oh yeah, I'm gonna fucking throw one of those in too. 0.99

01:37:33.000 One one? 0.90

01:37:34.000 I'll take a rogue. 0.73

01:37:34.000 This is a three, this one's a six. 0.73

01:37:35.000 I'll take a six.

01:37:36.000 No.

01:37:37.000 Six rogue.

01:37:38.000 Yeah, that's what I like.

01:37:39.000 Here you go, brother.

01:37:40.000 I like riding the horse.

01:37:41.000 Tommy turned me on to these.

01:37:42.000 Tommy turned me on to them, too.

01:37:44.000 Yeah, the Rogues are good.

01:37:45.000 They're very tasty.

01:37:46.000 And I don't take as many of them in as I do with the Zins. 1.00

01:37:50.000 I'll take those any day over people fucking dipping. 0.99

01:37:53.000 Oh, dipping's so sexy. 1.00

01:37:54.000 You're wrong.

01:37:55.000 You're wrong.

01:37:55.000 My friend Perry, he was the stunt coordinator on Fear Factor.

01:37:59.000 He was a stunt coordinator on so many movies that back in the day, you know, we're talking about like the early 2000s, and for him, like deep into the 90s and probably the 80s, You weren't encouraged to be spitting on set.

01:38:13.000 Yeah, he had to gut it.

01:38:14.000 So he would just swallow it.

01:38:16.000 So Perry got accustomed to swallowing his own tobacco juice. 1.00

01:38:22.000 I'm like, that's a fucking man. 1.00

01:38:24.000 That's a shot of John Crunk. 1.00

01:38:25.000 John Crunk gutted it.

01:38:27.000 Slid into first, cut his whole lip up, and he was on that side.

01:38:32.000 He took it all out and pushed to the other side.

01:38:38.000 Oh, this one's good.

01:38:40.000 Which one is?

01:38:40.000 You can taste it immediately.

01:38:42.000 Those are good.

01:38:43.000 Those are a spearmint.

01:38:44.000 Ari, what is this month you're doing?

01:38:45.000 I just needed some time off.

01:38:46.000 Why don't you just do it on October like we were supposed to do it?

01:38:49.000 Because we never do.

01:38:50.000 Who are you doing it with?

01:38:51.000 No, we don't never do it, are we?

01:38:53.000 We're doing it by yourself.

01:38:54.000 This year we didn't do it.

01:38:55.000 I did.

01:38:55.000 I'm just doing it to do it.

01:38:56.000 I did it this year.

01:38:57.000 Congratulations.

01:38:58.000 I did it by myself.

01:38:59.000 No weed?

01:38:59.000 Nothing?

01:39:00.000 No, come on. 0.85

01:39:01.000 I'm not sober.

01:39:01.000 That's what I'm saying.

01:39:02.000 That's not sober.

01:39:02.000 I'm doing no weed.

01:39:03.000 No, no, no. 0.98

01:39:03.000 I did October without weed, and then I started doing weed, and I was like, weed's the fucking best. 0.98

01:39:08.000 It really is the best. 0.65

01:39:09.000 I'm doing no weed, no coffee.

01:39:11.000 Weed is essentially steroids for comedy.

01:39:13.000 Weed is great.

01:39:14.000 You're right.

01:39:15.000 It is.

01:39:15.000 Or it helps you.

01:39:17.000 It hurts you. 1.00

01:39:18.000 It can hurt you if you're a bitch. 1.00

01:39:19.000 I don't feel like driving whiting tonight. 1.00

01:39:20.000 I think weed is at its best when you get off stage and you take a couple hits and It almost just goes, hey man, we're good.

01:39:31.000 Yeah.

01:39:31.000 Like, let's get in bed and watch a documentary on tarpon fishing.

01:39:34.000 You should sit on it. 1.00

01:39:34.000 And you're like, fuck yeah. 1.00

01:39:36.000 It's the coolest, man. 1.00

01:39:38.000 Oh, I never finished telling you this.

01:39:39.000 So they say, what do you want after your set at the Wilbur?

01:39:42.000 And I was like, I'm cool.

01:39:44.000 Sometimes after I get off, I like a glass of scotch.

01:39:46.000 And I finished.

01:39:47.000 The last time I was there, I was like, thank you, good night.

01:39:48.000 And I took one step down, and she just hands me a glass of scotch. 0.83

01:39:52.000 And I was like, I've never been treated like this in my life. 0.95

01:39:54.000 It was so fucking nice. 1.00

01:39:56.000 Fuck yeah, dude. 1.00

01:39:56.000 That's thoughtful. 1.00

01:39:58.000 Yeah, a nice glass of scotch after you just did what you needed to do.

01:40:02.000 I was thinking about you in the shower this morning.

01:40:05.000 Oh, really?

01:40:06.000 Oh, Jesus Christ.

01:40:07.000 He's always got to make it weird.

01:40:08.000 Oh, boy.

01:40:09.000 I'm broken.

01:40:11.000 What position?

01:40:11.000 I was washing my armpits.

01:40:14.000 And I thought...

01:40:15.000 Oh, normal.

01:40:15.000 Oh, yeah.

01:40:16.000 That's when I think about Ari, too.

01:40:18.000 It's cheat code.

01:40:18.000 I'm on my armpits.

01:40:20.000 You want to know me?

01:40:20.000 I tell you why sometimes I think about Ari when I wash my armpits?

01:40:23.000 Yes.

01:40:23.000 I bet I know.

01:40:24.000 I would love to hear it.

01:40:25.000 The amount of deodorant I put on?

01:40:27.000 No.

01:40:28.000 No, I do think about you when I put on deodorant, though.

01:40:31.000 I lost enough weight that I have an armpit again.

01:40:34.000 What did you have before?

01:40:35.000 A gut?

01:40:36.000 No, it was just fat.

01:40:37.000 You couldn't feel the tendons in your peck, in your back.

01:40:40.000 So, like, it's just a fold.

01:40:42.000 It's not like an armpit.

01:40:44.000 Yeah.

01:40:44.000 And so now you're like, Ari's going to be jealous?

01:40:46.000 No, no, no, no, no, no.

01:40:47.000 I was thinking...

01:40:48.000 I have a little buzz, so I'll share it. 0.98

01:40:51.000 But I was thinking, how cool is it that you've had moments in your career where everyone's like, fucking write that guy off, and you're killing it. 0.99

01:40:59.000 And you're killing it. 0.99

01:41:00.000 And then you start thinking... 0.83

01:41:01.000 That has to do with armpits?

01:41:03.000 No, no.

01:41:04.000 Armpits thought of Ari, and then I thought of Ari. 1.00

01:41:06.000 I've been thinking about Ari all day because of what happened last night.

01:41:08.000 Oh, okay.

01:41:09.000 And I thought...

01:41:11.000 You know, with what happened last night, I thought, I love that there's forgiveness in this world, and I love that he's killing it right now.

01:41:20.000 People that don't want to forgive people that are actively trying to be better people are bad people.

01:41:28.000 Yes, yes.

01:41:29.000 There's a negative aspect to this non-forgiveness mindset that is inescapable.

01:41:35.000 It's not good for the person that perpetuates it, it's definitely not good for the people that receive it.

01:41:41.000 If you have this fear that you'll be cast out of the kingdom forever for a thing that you deeply regret and you might have done in duress or you might have done for whatever fucking reason, but you realize as a human being, how could I have done that?

01:41:57.000 If you're not willing to say, I get it, we're all human, and I believe your intention, give me a hug, let's work this out. 0.94

01:42:05.000 If you can't do that, you're the problem.

01:42:07.000 The problem is an unforgiving mindset, the least charitable perspective on every person you run into, because you think that somehow or another that elevates you, but it doesn't.

01:42:20.000 It doesn't.

01:42:20.000 And they make you stick to this mistake.

01:42:21.000 When Kevin Hart was trying to be nice about gays, and they're like, well, where was that then? 1.00

01:42:25.000 I'm like, he's being nice! 0.99

01:42:27.000 And this is your moment to shit on him? 0.99

01:42:28.000 Also, Kevin Hart was trying to be famous and trying to get laughs. 0.99

01:42:34.000 Trying to get laughs.

01:42:34.000 And when you try to get laughs, you will say things you don't believe, but you think will be effective.

01:42:40.000 And it's a sign of a comedian that's not that good yet.

01:42:44.000 It's a normal thing that we all did.

01:42:46.000 And still do. 1.00

01:42:48.000 I don't do it, you fucking pussies. 1.00

01:42:52.000 I watch people take wild chances at the mothership. 1.00

01:42:55.000 Like, wild chances.

01:42:56.000 And I know the audience sometimes goes, why does he care about that?

01:42:59.000 And you go, no, it's this thing in his head, and he's trying to find something.

01:43:03.000 Well, I think the audience at the Mothership is more aware of that than most clubs because we talk about it so much that the process of creating a bit is sometimes you have to trot it out there and while you're saying it, you're free-balling and you might go down the wrong path and kind of get committed to it.

01:43:22.000 And then you're like stuck on a route.

01:43:23.000 Yeah, you're just like, well, let me try to get out of this.

01:43:25.000 But that's how new bits are created.

01:43:27.000 There's new bits that get created because of that.

01:43:30.000 You just push yourself into a corner.

01:43:32.000 Yeah, see somebody like, that guy's not good.

01:43:33.000 He's trying something.

01:43:35.000 Yeah, that's what infuriated me.

01:43:41.000 It infuriated me about Louis CK's leak set.

01:43:44.000 Oh, I thought about that today.

01:43:45.000 When comics were going after him, I'm like, are you lying to the normies about the process?

01:43:52.000 It's also one of those things where I remember when that happened and you're like, we should not lose this list of names.

01:43:59.000 Oh, I've never lost that list of names. 1.00

01:44:02.000 These fucking cunts. 1.00

01:44:03.000 Where you're like, it's so obvious, by the way, that this is a pop-in, like, I'm working this shit out. 1.00

01:44:10.000 It's a workout set. 0.98

01:44:11.000 He hasn't done stand-up in 10 months.

01:44:13.000 It's so crazy.

01:44:14.000 No stand-up in 10 months.

01:44:15.000 And every one of those premises had promise.

01:44:19.000 And also, yeah, they were good.

01:44:20.000 I would relate it to people when they were like, what's going on?

01:44:22.000 I would tell them.

01:44:23.000 They'd laugh at me retelling that joke.

01:44:24.000 It's funny.

01:44:27.000 It's literally like a farmer being criticized for not having a crop to take the market right after he plants the seeds.

01:44:34.000 Yeah, yeah. 1.00

01:44:35.000 Where's your fucking tomatoes? 0.99

01:44:37.000 He might be the most fun person to watch work out, period, too. 1.00

01:44:41.000 He goes deep.

01:44:43.000 Dude, he's so good at it, and he just takes chances, and he goes for it, and the thing is, he actually sits in suffering More than other comics.

01:44:55.000 Meaning, if it starts to not work, so many people bail out like that, and he'll sit in the suffering.

01:45:02.000 It's a strength.

01:45:02.000 We were talking about this last night at the club, that there is a giant group of fans that want to see that happen.

01:45:10.000 Yeah.

01:45:11.000 We're talking about guys, like guys were coming up to Duncan and saying, hey, I love how you changed that. 0.95

01:45:18.000 And now you're like, oh shit, now you've watched me multiple times do this thing? 0.95

01:45:21.000 But they like the pro... 0.99

01:45:23.000 Like, I like music.

01:45:24.000 I can't play music.

01:45:25.000 I can't play anything.

01:45:26.000 But I love watching live music.

01:45:29.000 Yeah.

01:45:29.000 I love watching people perform, and if there was a way that I could go watch them develop live songs, develop them, if I knew that Gary Clark Jr. is going to start out with this sort of melody and put it together in front of crowds, then one day it's going to be on Spotify,

01:45:47.000 but for now, I'm getting to watch it happen?

01:45:50.000 That's comedy fans now.

01:45:52.000 Yes, that is comedy fans now.

01:45:53.000 What percentage though?

01:45:54.000 In a room?

01:45:55.000 37. No.

01:45:56.000 37. I'd say like less than a half percent.

01:45:58.000 At the Mothership?

01:45:58.000 Less than a half, yeah.

01:45:59.000 At the Mothership?

01:46:00.000 That are wanting to watch that?

01:46:01.000 I bet at the Mothership there's a lot more than most.

01:46:04.000 Because I bet at the Mothership they've at least listened to one conversation between comedians.

01:46:09.000 But you have to have seen the stand-up set a few times to see how it tweaks. 0.99

01:46:12.000 Don't use that bitch-ass lighter. 1.00

01:46:13.000 That is un-American. 1.00

01:46:14.000 Bitch, you little bitch. 1.00

01:46:15.000 What a bitch you are. 1.00

01:46:16.000 Take this lighter. 1.00

01:46:16.000 Oh my god. 1.00

01:46:17.000 How are you a leader in your family with that bitch lighter? 1.00

01:46:19.000 I need to get a torch. 1.00

01:46:19.000 Does someone make a lighter that looks like an eagle? 1.00

01:46:23.000 Bert, what do you got in there?

01:46:25.000 Jamie, find me an Eagle lighter for my cigarettes.

01:46:29.000 Can I give you the best cigar you've ever had?

01:46:30.000 Cigars.

01:46:30.000 This is the best cigar you've ever had in your life.

01:46:32.000 With the chopper on it, it's great.

01:46:34.000 Yeah, Calibri.

01:46:34.000 Shout out to Calibri.

01:46:36.000 The only time I'd ever flex a fucking please hook me up. 0.97

01:46:38.000 I got one of those too. 0.96

01:46:39.000 I showed you this yesterday.

01:46:41.000 La Florida Minica.

01:46:42.000 The Andalusian Bull. 1.00

01:46:45.000 This is the best cigar you'll ever have in your fucking life. 1.00

01:46:47.000 Really? 1.00

01:46:48.000 That cigar is next fucking level. 0.99

01:46:51.000 This is the boy who cried wolf personified. 0.99

01:46:54.000 No, no, it's the way I live life.

01:46:55.000 I tell you how I feel.

01:46:57.000 You told me you could do the splits.

01:46:58.000 Buddy, I did a marathon.

01:47:00.000 You know how hard it was to bite my tongue when you showed me David Goggins' foot?

01:47:03.000 And I was like, that's what we do.

01:47:05.000 You should have just said it.

01:47:06.000 That's what we do, Joe.

01:47:07.000 You did a marathon.

01:47:08.000 What do you want?

01:47:09.000 I know.

01:47:10.000 It's a cutter.

01:47:10.000 It's right in front of you, Bert.

01:47:11.000 Joe, what part of my shoulders do you like?

01:47:14.000 They're very firm. 1.00

01:47:16.000 They also look like a guy who could pick up some heavy shit. 1.00

01:47:20.000 We were talking about it in the green room. 1.00

01:47:21.000 When you got on stage, I was like, damn, look at Bert's fucking shoulders. 1.00

01:47:24.000 You got traps. 1.00

01:47:25.000 You got shoulders. 0.91

01:47:26.000 You look jacked.

01:47:27.000 You remember that one day we did Sober October?

01:47:29.000 We went back there, and everybody was like, how much can you bench?

01:47:33.000 It was one of those times when you bench things, and we put 225 on the bar, and no one could bench it.

01:47:40.000 But I just saw you benching it the other day, and how many did you do?

01:47:43.000 How many reps?

01:47:43.000 Ten reps.

01:47:45.000 By the way, for progress, like to be clear, you got pinned the first time.

01:47:51.000 I got pinned.

01:47:51.000 Pinned.

01:47:52.000 Pinned on one.

01:47:53.000 Pinned, I remember. 0.98

01:47:54.000 I don't bench press, and when I did it, I was like, this is really stupid, but we were drunk. 0.95

01:47:59.000 I love it. 0.85

01:48:00.000 I think I did 12 or 13. But I can do 15 now.

01:48:05.000 Every now and then I'd try it.

01:48:07.000 You know I'm going to blow out my pecs trying to do 15 today.

01:48:09.000 Do it. 0.51

01:48:09.000 Blow them out. 0.51

01:48:10.000 Do it. 0.94

01:48:10.000 If you do, I'll do 20. Do it. 0.94

01:48:12.000 If you guys aren't pussies, you do it. 1.00

01:48:13.000 I love this about you. 1.00

01:48:14.000 We'll take it to the death.

01:48:15.000 I love this about you.

01:48:16.000 You don't love it.

01:48:16.000 I love that you own a little territory in my head.

01:48:18.000 You don't love it.

01:48:19.000 I do.

01:48:19.000 You don't.

01:48:20.000 I do.

01:48:20.000 You think you love it.

01:48:21.000 I absolutely do.

01:48:22.000 You think you love it until we're actually engaged in competition.

01:48:24.000 And then it's an anxiety when you get up to piss in the middle of the night.

01:48:27.000 I know you think about it.

01:48:28.000 But for real, Joe, you couldn't double it.

01:48:30.000 I could have doubled him.

01:48:31.000 I doubled him with push-ups. 0.96

01:48:32.000 No, that's ridiculous. 0.62

01:48:33.000 You couldn't. 0.97

01:48:34.000 I definitely could.

01:48:35.000 Could you do 30 reps?

01:48:38.000 No.

01:48:38.000 30's tough.

01:48:39.000 No, impossible.

01:48:40.000 No, no, no.

01:48:41.000 My frame can't handle it.

01:48:43.000 At 15, I'd be struggling.

01:48:45.000 At 15, I'd be struggling.

01:48:49.000 What I did with you guys, I had no idea if I could even do it.

01:48:53.000 I literally hadn't benched in forever.

01:48:56.000 All I do is kettlebells.

01:48:57.000 The heaviest weight I do is 70 pounds.

01:48:59.000 Hey, would you ever think about posting when you program for your workout?

01:49:03.000 I would love to know what you do.

01:49:05.000 Do you ever post it on Instagram?

01:49:06.000 Do you do circuits?

01:49:07.000 Yeah, I do circuits.

01:49:09.000 But I think there's a real value to doing a bunch of exercises that are standards, like straight leg deadlifts, clean and press.

01:49:21.000 Do you start with swings?

01:49:24.000 I start with push-ups and bodyweight squats.

01:49:26.000 I start with cold plunge.

01:49:28.000 Every workout is 3 minutes, 34 degrees.

01:49:30.000 Boom! 0.99

01:49:30.000 Go from there. 0.99

01:49:31.000 20 bodyweight squats, 20 push-ups, 20 bodyweight squats, 20 push-ups.

01:49:35.000 You do 2 sets in a row so that you get 2 sets of legs, 2 sets of push-ups, so you get warm-up.

01:49:40.000 Then you do the final 3. You get to 100 push-ups, 100 bodyweight squats.

01:49:45.000 Then it's kettlebells.

01:49:47.000 And if I'm on a regular schedule, it's 70 pounds.

01:49:51.000 So I go to 70 pounds, 10 swings each arm.

01:49:56.000 3 sets, 10 presses each arm, 3 sets, 10 windmills each arm, 3 sets, 10 renegade rows each arm, 3 sets. 0.99

01:50:05.000 Fuck renegade rows. 0.99

01:50:06.000 With 70 pounds at the end of that is rough. 1.00

01:50:08.000 Then you go to the sled.

01:50:10.000 Then you go to the sled.

01:50:11.000 And then it's the torque sled, pushing it, you're pushing it about 35 meters, and then you're pushing it and you're pulling it back.

01:50:20.000 And we do that, we'll do that for three sets.

01:50:22.000 You work with someone?

01:50:23.000 No, I just do it in my head and then I have comics do it with me.

01:50:28.000 Oh yeah, I've been there for those.

01:50:29.000 So then we go from there to Tabata's on the heavy bag.

01:50:33.000 Tabata's are 20-second sprint followed by 10-second rest.

01:50:37.000 So we do that and we blast out the end of the workout.

01:50:40.000 We put The Rock through this.

01:50:41.000 Yeah.

01:50:42.000 And the end of the workout...

01:50:43.000 You quit?

01:50:44.000 No! 1.00

01:50:44.000 The Rock is fucking... 1.00

01:50:46.000 He was cool, man. 1.00

01:50:46.000 He's humble. 1.00

01:50:48.000 He's not a kettlebell guy.

01:50:50.000 He had never done Cold Plunge before, before he did it with us.

01:50:53.000 What?

01:50:53.000 Yeah, never done it.

01:50:55.000 So he's super humble. 1.00

01:50:59.000 Guys built like a fucking superhero, right? 0.98

01:51:02.000 But I think he's also doing a lot of stuff to increase the aesthetics. 0.98

01:51:08.000 So he's doing a lot of machines.

01:51:10.000 If you look at his Iron Paradise, that insane gym he has set up. 0.99

01:51:14.000 By the way, American flag, fucking prominently displayed. 0.98

01:51:17.000 When you look at that setup, that setup is perfect for a guy who wants to look like a superhero in a movie. 0.99

01:51:24.000 It's perfect.

01:51:25.000 But I'm concerned with, like, functional strength.

01:51:28.000 I'm concerned with, like, I want to be able to move my body like an athlete as long as I can. 0.97

01:51:34.000 And so we did a bunch of, like, wild shit that he had never done before. 0.98

01:51:37.000 Really? 0.99

01:51:38.000 Yeah.

01:51:38.000 Windmills are hard, man.

01:51:39.000 Windmills are really hard.

01:51:40.000 It's hard, you know?

01:51:42.000 But I've been doing that whole routine for so long that my body is, like... 0.95

01:51:47.000 Just fucking prying for it. 0.89

01:51:49.000 Are you pretty much at that every morning? 0.99

01:51:51.000 Is that roughly where you're at?

01:51:52.000 That's one workout that I do twice a week.

01:51:55.000 You know, a guy like me would love to get on Instagram in the morning.

01:51:59.000 Come work out with me.

01:52:00.000 No, but I'd love to get on the morning in L.A. Buddy, I got a flight out at 8. Let's go.

01:52:05.000 Let's have a 5 a.m.

01:52:06.000 workout.

01:52:07.000 I texted you. 0.99

01:52:08.000 Buddy, you have no fucking idea. 1.00

01:52:10.000 I'll shoot my testosterone at fucking 4.30. 1.00

01:52:13.000 Let's do it. 1.00

01:52:14.000 No, 3.30.

01:52:14.000 You want to get a couple hours in it where it really gets into your system.

01:52:17.000 I love getting information like that.

01:52:18.000 And then we'll cold plunge first.

01:52:21.000 Cold plunge first while it's dark out. 1.00

01:52:23.000 With your big cock? 1.00

01:52:24.000 You'll hear... 1.00

01:52:24.000 It's not that big. 1.00

01:52:26.000 It's regular.

01:52:26.000 Oh, buddy.

01:52:27.000 The video you showed of yourself getting the cold plunge the other day. 0.99

01:52:31.000 I had to stop myself from going, is anyone looking at his cock? 1.00

01:52:35.000 Only Bert. 0.99

01:52:36.000 Only Bert and a couple of chicks.

01:52:38.000 They call me a hog watcher.

01:52:41.000 If you have a big talk, I'm going to notice.

01:52:43.000 There's something fun about getting in that cold when it's raining out.

01:52:46.000 It was 32 when you got in that video.

01:52:48.000 No, it was 21. 21 outside and 34 inside.

01:52:52.000 How much do you think it's worse?

01:52:54.000 What?

01:52:56.000 Getting in the cold when it's cold outside.

01:52:58.000 Because it feels like you want a relief from something.

01:53:00.000 No, no, no.

01:53:01.000 It's so much better after the sauna.

01:53:03.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure.

01:53:04.000 But it doesn't matter if it's hot out. 0.78

01:53:05.000 Once you get in, it's still fucking so cold. 0.88

01:53:07.000 Do you do box breathing? 0.98

01:53:09.000 I just breathe.

01:53:10.000 I'm really accustomed to being in there now.

01:53:12.000 I loved it.

01:53:13.000 So I can just sort of...

01:53:14.000 Great. 1.00

01:53:15.000 It's after those first 20 seconds, then it's like, just shut up and shut up. 0.99

01:53:19.000 Unless you use the Blue Cube. 0.91

01:53:20.000 The Blue Cube, there's an option to have it like a raging river.

01:53:24.000 And you never get what's called a thermal barrier.

01:53:26.000 Oh, the bubble.

01:53:26.000 Wow.

01:53:26.000 Yeah.

01:53:27.000 Wow.

01:53:27.000 Thermal barrier.

01:53:28.000 You realize how in the weeds you are about cold plunging?

01:53:30.000 Yeah, I'm in the weeds.

01:53:31.000 If you want to be a guy who tortures yourself, Blue Cube is the way to go.

01:53:36.000 I would love to open up Rogan's YouTube on his computer and just see what it's suggesting to him. 1.00

01:53:39.000 I can't wait until North Korea finds his fucking phone. 0.99

01:53:43.000 By the amount of guns I research. 1.00

01:53:45.000 And the amount of animal attacks.

01:53:48.000 The polar plunge is badass, but do you do the light thing?

01:53:56.000 Yeah, I do that, red light therapy.

01:53:57.000 I do that every morning.

01:53:58.000 Did you get that in bed?

01:53:58.000 Yeah, I got it.

01:53:59.000 What's that?

01:53:59.000 Is it great?

01:54:00.000 Well, one of the things that's happening is as you get older, your face, your skin starts to get thinner because you have a lack of collagen, and you start looking like, ugh, it looks sick.

01:54:13.000 Even if you feel good, your skin has more laxity.

01:54:16.000 In the one and a half months that I've been using it, my skin looks better.

01:54:21.000 What is it?

01:54:22.000 It's red light therapy.

01:54:23.000 Is it just like a thing?

01:54:24.000 We could talk about it, but I don't know what I'm saying, so I'd be bullshitting.

01:54:28.000 It's something that shoots light at you?

01:54:29.000 Yeah, it helps your body produce marks sometimes.

01:54:34.000 I do that for my head.

01:54:36.000 It helps you rehabilitate from injuries.

01:54:39.000 There's a lot of things.

01:54:41.000 I'm not the guy.

01:54:42.000 Do you still do Oxygen Chamber?

01:54:45.000 I have one of those.

01:54:47.000 You do Hyperbaric?

01:54:48.000 Yeah, I have one of those.

01:54:48.000 You have one?

01:54:49.000 Yeah.

01:54:49.000 I want to do this so bad.

01:54:50.000 And I have a flotation tank.

01:54:51.000 I don't know which one is better for you, because both of them are really good for you.

01:54:56.000 The flotation tank, there's a reset that I think you can achieve from that.

01:55:01.000 It's just like doing psychedelics without any of the weird... 0.95

01:55:04.000 Fuckery of recovering and coming back to normal. 0.98

01:55:07.000 You get out of there and you're fine. 1.00

01:55:08.000 You're out.

01:55:09.000 If you could take what you get from a sensory deprivation tank in a pill just as a drug, everybody would take it.

01:55:20.000 It's called Xanax.

01:55:21.000 No.

01:55:22.000 It's the opposite.

01:55:24.000 I bet Xanax is awesome.

01:55:26.000 I think what that is is the opposite.

01:55:29.000 Instead of pretending your house isn't wrecked, that's like going in your house and examining all the cracks in your foundation.

01:55:38.000 Oh, I had to jack off.

01:55:40.000 In a flotation tank?

01:55:42.000 Uh, whatever.

01:55:42.000 Shout out to Kuya.

01:55:44.000 Anyway... 0.89

01:55:44.000 You jacked off in one of their... 0.89

01:55:45.000 No, I didn't jack off in their fucking thing. 1.00

01:55:47.000 It's a joke. 1.00

01:55:47.000 Yes, you did. 1.00

01:55:48.000 It's a joke.

01:55:48.000 I feel like you did.

01:55:49.000 I probably didn't. 1.00

01:55:50.000 Tom, you jerk off. 1.00

01:55:52.000 I jerk off a lot. 1.00

01:55:53.000 How often are you jerking off? 1.00

01:55:54.000 Not as much now. 0.99

01:55:56.000 Leanne's on testosterone, too. 0.86

01:55:57.000 I'm not supposed to share that.

01:55:59.000 You did. 1.00

01:55:59.000 She won't let you jerk off? 1.00

01:56:00.000 She just went secret time. 1.00

01:56:01.000 She just went to...

01:56:02.000 Secret time for 11 million people.

01:56:04.000 Good luck.

01:56:05.000 Careful.

01:56:06.000 You want to edit that out?

01:56:08.000 Nope.

01:56:09.000 Wow.

01:56:09.000 No, because I like what Ways to Well's doing.

01:56:12.000 I do.

01:56:12.000 Yeah, they're awesome.

01:56:13.000 And they got her on testosterone and progesterone, and I'll share that.

01:56:16.000 And she's ready to fall.

01:56:18.000 Buddy.

01:56:19.000 Really?

01:56:20.000 Yeah.

01:56:21.000 Cowboys?

01:56:21.000 Man, after your apology.

01:56:22.000 Save a horse?

01:56:22.000 After your apology.

01:56:23.000 My wife's friend got on it.

01:56:25.000 Oh, really?

01:56:26.000 I got you.

01:56:26.000 My wife's friend is English.

01:56:30.000 Come on my leg. 1.00

01:56:31.000 Go ahead.

01:56:32.000 My wife's friend is English.

01:56:32.000 You're always making about you.

01:56:33.000 Go ahead, Joe.

01:56:34.000 My wife's friend is English, and she got on testosterone. 1.00

01:56:37.000 And she was telling my wife about it.

01:56:39.000 She goes, I feel like a bloke.

01:56:41.000 She was an English lady. 0.99

01:56:42.000 She goes, I feel like a bloke.

01:56:43.000 That's so cute. 1.00

01:56:44.000 Leanne wants to fuck all the time. 1.00

01:56:48.000 Damn. 1.00

01:56:48.000 And I'm telling you, it's Ways to Wellness. 1.00

01:56:50.000 I like it.

01:56:50.000 God bless Ways to Well.

01:56:51.000 Get them on it.

01:56:52.000 She's on progesterone and testosterone. 0.96

01:56:55.000 I told it to Shane Torres, Shane Gillis, and he fucking could not stop making fun of it in the most hilarious way. 0.99

01:57:02.000 He's fucking so good. 0.96

01:57:04.000 But it's changed our relationship. 0.99

01:57:07.000 We're fucking nonstop. 0.99

01:57:09.000 Congratulations. 0.98

01:57:10.000 I don't even, I can't even, I don't want to jump off.

01:57:12.000 What's that noise again?

01:57:14.000 What?

01:57:16.000 What?

01:57:17.000 Throw-up noise.

01:57:18.000 Oh, no. 1.00

01:57:19.000 Oh, when Lane and I fuck? 1.00

01:57:20.000 Just joking. 1.00

01:57:21.000 No, if you saw us fuck, I think you'd... 1.00

01:57:22.000 I would jack off in the corner? 1.00

01:57:23.000 I don't think you would.

01:57:24.000 What would I do?

01:57:25.000 You'd be a lot of like, what's Bert thinking about?

01:57:28.000 You'd be that same face when you made...

01:57:30.000 Like, open your eyes, Bert.

01:57:31.000 She's getting confused.

01:57:32.000 What's your favorite position, Bert?

01:57:33.000 What's your favorite position, Bert?

01:57:34.000 Doggy style.

01:57:35.000 Good question.

01:57:35.000 I thought you were going to say pegged.

01:57:36.000 I'm so glad you didn't say pegged.

01:57:38.000 No.

01:57:38.000 I like From Behind.

01:57:41.000 It's really fucking hot. 0.98

01:57:42.000 That's a good one. 1.00

01:57:43.000 I never was into asses. 0.99

01:57:44.000 That's a good one. 0.99

01:57:45.000 I was never into asses. 0.97

01:57:46.000 There's a whole category. 0.99

01:57:47.000 You were never into asses? 0.99

01:57:49.000 No, I was a tick guy. 0.99

01:57:50.000 And I'm still a tick guy, but it's funny. 1.00

01:57:52.000 I look at her ass and it's perfect. 1.00

01:57:57.000 It's not like cellulady and it's just a big ass. 1.00

01:58:00.000 It's a big ass. 1.00

01:58:01.000 Cellulady. 1.00

01:58:02.000 Cellulady!

01:58:04.000 Cellulady?

01:58:05.000 That sounds like it should be a band. 0.99

01:58:07.000 That should be a fucking cool band, like Pussy Riot. 0.99

01:58:10.000 Cellulady. 0.99

01:58:12.000 But I like Doggy Style's fucking hot. 0.99

01:58:15.000 It's so fucking hot. 0.98

01:58:19.000 I don't know if it's testosterone, but she's checked off barriers that were previously in our relationship. 0.99

01:58:27.000 Buttfucking. 1.00

01:58:28.000 No, no, no. 1.00

01:58:29.000 We haven't had anal sex. 0.99

01:58:30.000 Congratulations. 0.99

01:58:31.000 We haven't had anal sex. 1.00

01:58:32.000 Do you want it? 1.00

01:58:33.000 Yeah.

01:58:35.000 Yeah, obviously.

01:58:37.000 Hans Kim on...

01:58:39.000 No, no, your girl's podcast. 0.99

01:58:42.000 Kill Laura. 1.00

01:58:44.000 Kill Laura. 1.00

01:58:45.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 1.00

01:58:45.000 Laura Compton. 1.00

01:58:46.000 First date, yeah, yeah. 0.86

01:58:47.000 Kill Laura? 1.00

01:58:48.000 What? 0.86

01:58:48.000 I don't know, buddy. 0.86

01:58:49.000 Hans Kim.

01:58:50.000 What's the podcast called?

01:58:51.000 First date.

01:58:52.000 First date.

01:58:53.000 Lauren Compton.

01:58:54.000 He had a really funny...

01:58:55.000 Lauren Compton, yeah.

01:58:56.000 Lauren Compton, sorry.

01:58:57.000 Lauren Compton.

01:58:58.000 You guys sure?

01:58:59.000 Yeah.

01:59:00.000 Go ahead.

01:59:01.000 He said, I do want to have it, only so I know where I stand with you. 1.00

01:59:06.000 That you'll let me do dirty shit to you. 1.00

01:59:08.000 Or something like that. 1.00

01:59:09.000 Oh, yeah.

01:59:09.000 Hans said that?

01:59:10.000 Yeah, Hans said that.

01:59:10.000 Something similar.

01:59:12.000 Sounds like a guy who shouldn't be allowed to have a gun.

01:59:15.000 Let's see where I stand.

01:59:17.000 Yeah. 0.97

01:59:19.000 I fucked it up.

01:59:20.000 Sorry, Hans. 0.66

01:59:20.000 I fucked it up. 0.66

01:59:21.000 But it was very funny. 0.99

01:59:22.000 Hans is funny as shit. 0.97

01:59:23.000 I can't stop thinking about, I know this is a weird transition, but that six hour MPX that Taron has. 0.99

01:59:28.000 Good gun.

01:59:29.000 I want to get one of those.

01:59:30.000 Wait, what's this?

01:59:31.000 I'll get you one.

01:59:31.000 Really?

01:59:32.000 Yeah.

01:59:32.000 Wait, are we telling us things we can't stop thinking about?

01:59:35.000 I keep thinking about that.

01:59:36.000 I've been thinking about that gun for two years.

01:59:37.000 Can I tell you what I can't stop thinking about?

01:59:39.000 Can I stop telling you what I can't stop thinking about?

01:59:41.000 Yeah.

01:59:42.000 Did you mention to Snoop that you knew me?

01:59:45.000 I gotta pee.

01:59:46.000 That's what you wanted to know?

01:59:47.000 I have to know.

01:59:48.000 Oh my gosh.

01:59:48.000 No, but I'll tell you why.

01:59:49.000 You motherfucker! 1.00

01:59:50.000 I'll tell you why, though. 1.00

01:59:51.000 You didn't bring my name up?

01:59:52.000 I'll tell you why.

01:59:53.000 Why?

01:59:54.000 It wasn't a...

01:59:55.000 He didn't want to own up to you.

01:59:58.000 No, no.

01:59:58.000 It wasn't a long conversation.

02:00:00.000 Oh, okay.

02:00:00.000 And it wasn't like...

02:00:02.000 It wasn't settling in to talk.

02:00:04.000 It was...

02:00:04.000 The first time I met him, I met him for three seconds.

02:00:07.000 Yeah.

02:00:07.000 And I thought that was it.

02:00:09.000 And at the end of the night, when I went in there, I had major hesitation about walking into his dressing room with his bodyguards and everything around.

02:00:18.000 And I just went in to say, it was fun to be on the show with you.

02:00:25.000 And I thought it was that.

02:00:26.000 And he asked for a pic.

02:00:27.000 It was very, very fast.

02:00:28.000 It wasn't long.

02:00:29.000 I went to see Danny Brown.

02:00:31.000 If I had stayed to talk, if he was like, pull up a seat.

02:00:34.000 Yeah.

02:00:35.000 It would have been something.

02:00:36.000 I want to see Danny Brown and rap's just not my genre like it is yours.

02:00:39.000 Yeah.

02:00:39.000 He's cool.

02:00:39.000 We've become friendly.

02:00:40.000 Danny's fantastic.

02:00:41.000 I brought Daniel Simonson.

02:00:42.000 That's his number one guy.

02:00:44.000 Really?

02:00:44.000 What?

02:00:45.000 Simonson's like, what do you mean?

02:00:47.000 I was like, sure.

02:00:47.000 And we're having a conversation.

02:00:48.000 Oh, cool.

02:00:49.000 What about the weather?

02:00:50.000 I don't know, whatever.

02:00:50.000 And I look over and Daniel's just like...

02:00:52.000 Really?

02:00:53.000 Yeah.

02:00:53.000 Really?

02:00:54.000 He's trying to be cool.

02:00:55.000 I was trying to navigate...

02:00:57.000 The conversation without looking like...

02:01:00.000 You realize I would have been like, if you had worked with him for a year, I would have walked in and been like, I know Tom Segura.

02:01:04.000 I just...

02:01:05.000 That's so who I am.

02:01:07.000 Yeah, but I was...

02:01:08.000 I mean, here's the thing.

02:01:09.000 You say that, like, because you were in my mind, and the fact that you guys worked together was a natural thing to bring up.

02:01:15.000 But it was also, I think, when you're sometimes in those situations, you're like, when's the time to say this?

02:01:22.000 You're kind of nervous about how you say it, and you're looking for the end to say it.

02:01:25.000 So if I had talked to him for longer, it would have been a normal thing to bring up.

02:01:30.000 Cheers, I love drinking with you.

02:01:31.000 Okay, I love drinking with you too.

02:01:32.000 And I'm Ari. 0.99

02:01:34.000 Oh, Ari, you're so gay. 1.00

02:01:35.000 You're not drinking? 1.00

02:01:36.000 Yeah, I got another week.

02:01:39.000 Yeah, that little dog. 0.99

02:01:41.000 Oh, it's so fucking cute. 0.99

02:01:42.000 The cutest thing I've ever seen. 0.98

02:01:44.000 It's so fucking cute. 0.99

02:01:46.000 I just swallow his face. 0.98

02:01:48.000 Hey, Joe, can I ask you a question?

02:01:50.000 Sure.

02:01:50.000 So when you watched Conor McGregor and Nate Diaz fight, did you want one of them to win?

02:01:54.000 No.

02:01:56.000 This is where we started.

02:01:58.000 The main problem I had during commentary was Schaub.

02:02:02.000 That was the only problem I really ever had.

02:02:03.000 There's a lot of guys I love.

02:02:05.000 I love Donald Cowboy Cerrone. 0.98

02:02:07.000 I fucking love that dude. 0.98

02:02:09.000 I love him. 0.98

02:02:09.000 I wish there was more men like that in this world. 0.98

02:02:13.000 I love him to death.

02:02:14.000 But when he's fighting Conor McGregor, I can't have a favorite.

02:02:18.000 I just have to let it happen.

02:02:20.000 These guys, they're all professionals.

02:02:21.000 How do you do that, though?

02:02:22.000 It's impossible.

02:02:23.000 No, I do it.

02:02:25.000 I do it.

02:02:26.000 I swear to God, I do it.

02:02:27.000 Even when Sean Strickland fought Israel Adesanya, Izzy's my friend.

02:02:30.000 I love Izzy. 1.00

02:02:31.000 Izzy's the motherfucker. 1.00

02:02:32.000 He's the shit. 1.00

02:02:33.000 He's the motherfucker. 1.00

02:02:34.000 He defended me when that whole N-word video came out. 1.00

02:02:38.000 Dude, that made me tear up.

02:02:40.000 Yeah.

02:02:40.000 I love that dude.

02:02:41.000 By the way, as a personal favorite, 100% he's my personal favorite.

02:02:44.000 As a human being, he's one of my favorite people that I've ever met.

02:02:47.000 He's an extraordinary human being.

02:02:48.000 So fun.

02:02:49.000 But when he fought Sean Strickland, I have to be neutral.

02:02:53.000 I have to be like, whoa, what's happening?

02:02:54.000 Well, that's the job.

02:02:54.000 You can't be like that.

02:02:55.000 It's the job.

02:02:56.000 But that was during Fight Companion.

02:02:59.000 That was during Fight Companion.

02:03:01.000 Oh, right.

02:03:01.000 Yeah, so I wasn't even working.

02:03:03.000 I was just hanging out here watching the fight.

02:03:05.000 I still have to be neutral.

02:03:07.000 I have to be.

02:03:08.000 I have to have a neutral mindset when I'm watching people fight.

02:03:11.000 No, no, no, no.

02:03:12.000 When people are fighting, that's just like from my own mind.

02:03:15.000 I don't allow my mind to go into this avenue where...

02:03:20.000 I want someone to win and someone to lose, because you'll get a biased perspective.

02:03:23.000 And I know I've been guilty of that in the past, when I was in the early days of my commentary.

02:03:28.000 And I realized, that's a flaw.

02:03:30.000 It's a flaw.

02:03:31.000 Like, I have friends that fight, and I love them to death, and I want them to win.

02:03:36.000 But if they don't win, I can't be attached to that.

02:03:40.000 I have to be attached as a person who's appreciating the sport.

02:03:43.000 I'll check in on them.

02:03:44.000 How you doing?

02:03:45.000 You alright?

02:03:46.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:03:47.000 The reality of what they're doing is I have to be a clear, objective viewer of the transaction.

02:03:55.000 Who's winning the exchange?

02:03:56.000 When I'm hearing MMA commentary, I definitely want what you're saying.

02:04:00.000 When I hear football or sports commentary, I want to hear the Yankees go, come on!

02:04:05.000 You can't let that out.

02:04:06.000 Yeah, but the thing is there's a giant difference between a sport and a fight.

02:04:10.000 A fight, you're exposing a man's soul, and you've got to be respectful of that.

02:04:15.000 You're exposing everything about what he's capable of.

02:04:22.000 They're fighting to the death.

02:04:23.000 They're just not letting them finish it.

02:04:25.000 That's what that is.

02:04:26.000 That's true.

02:04:27.000 That's true.

02:04:27.000 I think, by the way, that Kirk Herbstreet does that so well.

02:04:30.000 What?

02:04:31.000 He's an Ohio State graduate.

02:04:33.000 Like, he played there.

02:04:34.000 And he commentates on all the biggest games.

02:04:36.000 And he can commentate on an Ohio State game.

02:04:37.000 Be neutral?

02:04:39.000 In my opinion, yes.

02:04:40.000 Oh, see, I want somebody.

02:04:41.000 I would turn the Redskins games on mute and let the radio, like the hometown radio guys.

02:04:46.000 Yeah, I think he's very good at it.

02:04:47.000 Sweet.

02:04:48.000 Sweet.

02:04:50.000 My favorite.

02:04:52.000 Nate Diaz clip ever, ever, is the coolest thing, especially if you've ever been bullied.

02:04:57.000 Do you ever see Nate Diaz when they go, hey, were you ever bullied as a kid?

02:05:01.000 And he just looks and he goes, no, I had a big brother. 1.00

02:05:04.000 And you're like, and your heart swells and you go, fuck! 1.00

02:05:07.000 Yes, Stockton. 1.00

02:05:08.000 And his big brother was Nick Diaz.

02:05:09.000 Nick Diaz. 0.99

02:05:10.000 Nick fucking Diaz. 0.98

02:05:12.000 Nick Diaz is one of the all-time greats. 0.99

02:05:14.000 I have to ask this.

02:05:16.000 Is everyone's story broke?

02:05:20.000 That never happened to you.

02:05:21.000 And I have a big brother, man.

02:05:24.000 In fact, his big brother. 0.98

02:05:25.000 And his big brother's a savage. 0.96

02:05:27.000 A real legit savage.

02:05:30.000 I remember when Nick Diaz fought Robbie Lawler.

02:05:33.000 Robbie Lawler was the man.

02:05:35.000 He was like 20 years old. 0.55

02:05:36.000 He was an assassin just smashing people.

02:05:38.000 And Nick Diaz went into the octagon.

02:05:41.000 And as he walked into the octagon, he was like stomping on the floor.

02:05:48.000 What part of California is he in front again?

02:05:51.000 Stockton.

02:05:52.000 Stockton.

02:05:52.000 Are you serious?

02:05:52.000 Yeah, I forgot for a second.

02:05:54.000 The worst.

02:05:54.000 And he was yelling out, Stockton.

02:05:57.000 Stockton, motherfucker, Stockton. 1.00

02:05:58.000 I love it. 0.99

02:05:59.000 And I was like, what is going on here?

02:06:01.000 I was confused.

02:06:02.000 Like, as a commentator, I'm like, what's happening here? 0.99

02:06:05.000 He's like, Stockton, motherfucker, Stockton. 0.99

02:06:07.000 I can't believe I forgot Stockton. 0.99

02:06:08.000 You're the one that brought it up, the only reason I know that- I haven't eaten today.

02:06:11.000 Oh, okay.

02:06:12.000 All I've had is alcohol.

02:06:13.000 Really?

02:06:13.000 Yeah.

02:06:14.000 I had a fucking rib eye. 0.99

02:06:16.000 I was up late at night. 0.99

02:06:17.000 I wrote late at night till four in the morning. 1.00

02:06:19.000 Oh, fuck. 1.00

02:06:20.000 Got up, got in the cold, did my workout. 1.00

02:06:22.000 Go back to the story. 1.00

02:06:23.000 Stockton, motherfucker. 1.00

02:06:24.000 So he yells out, Stockton, motherfucker! 1.00

02:06:26.000 Stockton! 1.00

02:06:27.000 And you see Robbie Lauer going, what is that?

02:06:30.000 I don't know what that means.

02:06:31.000 And when we thought Nick could beat him, like we knew Nick was a jiu-jitsu guy, but he beat him with boxing.

02:06:38.000 He knocked him out.

02:06:39.000 He knocked out Robbie Lawler.

02:06:40.000 When he hit him on the right hook and Robbie dropped like face plants, we're like, what?

02:06:44.000 It was nonsense.

02:06:45.000 Like, no way.

02:06:47.000 Somebody bullied ruthless Robbie Lawler.

02:06:52.000 I mean, Robbie was an animal.

02:06:54.000 Robbie was throwing back, but Nick was just... 1.00

02:06:56.000 You gotta understand that that talking shit is a 100% legit psychological tactic. 0.99

02:07:05.000 It fucks with your mind and impedes your performance 100%. 0.99

02:07:10.000 He's a brilliant move.

02:07:11.000 He's in all sports, too.

02:07:12.000 In all high-level sports.

02:07:13.000 It is.

02:07:13.000 And in fighting, I think he did it better than anybody in the beginning.

02:07:18.000 Nobody did it better in fight. 1.00

02:07:20.000 He would talk so much shit to them. 0.99

02:07:21.000 Frank Shamrock said that he couldn't believe it was happening to him. 1.00

02:07:26.000 Go to Nick Diaz versus Frank Shamrock.

02:07:28.000 I want to see it too.

02:07:30.000 Okay.

02:07:32.000 Nate's the one that flicked off the cameras, right?

02:07:34.000 Yeah.

02:07:34.000 He stunned him with the one-two.

02:07:36.000 Yeah, but Nick was better.

02:07:38.000 All due respect to Nate.

02:07:40.000 Nate will tell you that Nick is better than Nate.

02:07:42.000 Just weed killed Nate.

02:07:43.000 No, man.

02:07:45.000 I thought he stopped fighting because he wouldn't get tested.

02:07:47.000 No, no, no, no, no.

02:07:49.000 Nobody got killed because of weed.

02:07:50.000 I thought he stopped fighting because he was like, I'm not cleaning up.

02:07:52.000 Nick?

02:07:53.000 Yeah.

02:07:53.000 No, no.

02:07:54.000 There's no testing now in the UFC. Now?

02:07:57.000 He's just had some real injuries, man.

02:07:59.000 You've got to go to Nick Diaz, like right there, boom, faceplant.

02:08:03.000 You've got to go to Nick Diaz in Strikeforce.

02:08:06.000 If you want to see Nick Diaz at the elite of the elite level, where he achieved real true greatness.

02:08:13.000 By the time he got to the UFC, he was still great.

02:08:16.000 When he fought Gomi in Pride, he was still great. 1.00

02:08:19.000 An elite athlete in combat sports has a small window of time Where they can perform at their best level. 0.94

02:08:27.000 And when Nick Diaz was in Strikeforce, when he was the champ, he was fucking everybody up. 0.99

02:08:32.000 He would just walk you down and beat your ass, and if you went to the ground, he would fucking strangle you 100% of the time. 1.00

02:08:38.000 He beat everybody's asses. 1.00

02:08:43.000 The thing is, like, he would let guys take him down, like, shut up, you can't knock me out. 1.00

02:08:47.000 Like, you never knocked him out.

02:08:49.000 No one knocked him out.

02:08:50.000 He always survived.

02:08:51.000 He always figured out a way to turn into a grappling exchange, and then slowly but surely he would beat you out.

02:08:58.000 Nick Diaz swam from Alcatraz five times.

02:09:05.000 Five times.

02:09:08.000 Might be more.

02:09:10.000 Nick, I'm sorry if it's more since then.

02:09:12.000 It's probably more since then.

02:09:13.000 He beat everybody down.

02:09:15.000 Beat everybody down.

02:09:16.000 Eventually you just withered and he never got tired and he just kept putting on you and at the end of the fight it was always like this. 1.00

02:09:23.000 He was basically hitting a fucking punching bag. 0.98

02:09:26.000 A person who couldn't believe the amount of pressure that Nick Diaz put on them. 1.00

02:09:30.000 Just beating the fuck out of them with not even breathing heavy. 0.96

02:09:34.000 He did not stop. 0.99

02:09:35.000 And you're standing on top of him like, what?

02:09:37.000 That's it.

02:09:37.000 That's over.

02:09:38.000 I want you to go to Nick Diaz versus Frank Shamrock.

02:09:41.000 Because Frank Shamrock was a legend.

02:09:45.000 Hardcore.

02:09:45.000 He was a UFC champion.

02:09:47.000 He was the first complete mixed martial artist.

02:09:50.000 He could wrestle.

02:09:51.000 He could submit you.

02:09:52.000 He could do anything. 1.00

02:09:53.000 And Nick Diaz the entire time was like, what, bitch? 1.00

02:09:56.000 What, bitch? 1.00

02:09:56.000 What are you going to do, bitch? 1.00

02:09:57.000 He was just constantly talking to him. 1.00

02:09:59.000 And Frank was like, I couldn't believe he was talking to me.

02:10:03.000 He's talking right now.

02:10:04.000 Yeah, always.

02:10:06.000 Give me some volume.

02:10:08.000 See if you can hear it.

02:10:09.000 Love him or hate him, I think he's tremendous for the sport.

02:10:12.000 You need these kinds of characters in mixed martial arts.

02:10:15.000 I think they both like talking.

02:10:17.000 Frank's trying to focus right now, though, you can tell.

02:10:20.000 Frank using that straight right hand of the body.

02:10:22.000 And the thing is, he's just touching you.

02:10:25.000 He's hitting you with, like, 50%, 60%.

02:10:30.000 But he's so relaxed.

02:10:32.000 Look how relaxed his style is.

02:10:35.000 He's not getting tired.

02:10:36.000 Look how easy he's hitting him.

02:10:38.000 Why?

02:10:39.000 Because he's just wearing him out.

02:10:41.000 He's cooking his food.

02:10:42.000 And he's holding back.

02:10:44.000 Yeah.

02:10:45.000 Oh, no, Nick is 100% holding back.

02:10:47.000 Look how he's punching him.

02:10:49.000 He's not punching him full force at all.

02:10:51.000 He's just piecing him up.

02:10:53.000 Yeah.

02:10:54.000 See, the thing is, if you can fight at that style, where you're just 50%-ing guys, you don't get tired.

02:11:01.000 And if you can do 20 punches at 50%, it's almost as good as 50 punches at 100%.

02:11:08.000 Yeah.

02:11:09.000 Or rather, 10 punches at 100%.

02:11:11.000 It's like, if you cut it in half, the volume also keeps you from being able to take a good breath.

02:11:18.000 Oh, right.

02:11:18.000 The guy's on you all the time.

02:11:20.000 You never get a breather.

02:11:21.000 Frank's not getting any breathers.

02:11:23.000 And Nick's not tired.

02:11:24.000 Look, he's just piecing them.

02:11:25.000 Look, even that kick, there's no real power in it.

02:11:28.000 Everything is just touching you, touching you, until he starts to really see you wilt.

02:11:33.000 And look at him.

02:11:34.000 Look at him.

02:11:35.000 Look at his stomach.

02:11:36.000 Look at his stomach.

02:11:37.000 There's no breathing heavy at all.

02:11:40.000 He's probably at 120 beats a minute right now.

02:11:43.000 That's insane. 1.00

02:11:44.000 This is a fucking guy who runs triathlons. 1.00

02:11:46.000 So he can stand in front of you and you are fucking cooked. 1.00

02:11:50.000 So he's cooking his chicken right now. 0.99

02:11:52.000 He's got his chicken on the frying pan right now.

02:11:55.000 He's cooking chicken breasts.

02:11:58.000 He's just piecing him up.

02:11:59.000 And look, not tired, not exhausted, not hitting him.

02:12:03.000 There's a dig.

02:12:04.000 That's a dig.

02:12:05.000 First dig.

02:12:06.000 That right hand of the body he dug into.

02:12:08.000 So right now he's 100% going after it.

02:12:10.000 Yeah, now he's going after it.

02:12:11.000 See the difference?

02:12:12.000 Look, these punches have a lot more fury behind them, right?

02:12:15.000 Because he's ending the fight.

02:12:17.000 Frank's already at 180 beats a minute.

02:12:20.000 He's wilting. 0.98

02:12:21.000 And he's beating the fuck out of him. 0.96

02:12:23.000 And then he helps him out.

02:12:24.000 He goes, you're a legend.

02:12:25.000 Get up.

02:12:27.000 He said that, you're a legend, get up.

02:12:30.000 And he holds his hand up.

02:12:32.000 Because that's how he feels about him.

02:12:34.000 That's legitimately how he feels about him.

02:12:37.000 Is there anyone better than Diaz brothers?

02:12:39.000 Yeah.

02:12:40.000 Brothers?

02:12:40.000 No, the brothers, man.

02:12:42.000 That legend.

02:12:42.000 Look, there's a lot of others.

02:12:44.000 Are they better than Peyton Manning and Archie Manning?

02:12:47.000 Eli Manning?

02:12:48.000 Yeah, Eli Manning?

02:12:49.000 Yeah, of course.

02:12:49.000 All sports are saying.

02:12:50.000 Yeah, like the brothers.

02:12:52.000 No, Peyton and Eli are better.

02:12:54.000 I don't know, man.

02:12:55.000 World titles.

02:12:56.000 Yeah.

02:12:57.000 MVP's.

02:12:57.000 Multiple rings.

02:12:58.000 Yeah.

02:12:58.000 I don't know.

02:13:00.000 Yeah.

02:13:00.000 Yeah, Nate's biggest win, that's his big win.

02:13:03.000 You said, though, that elite guys, when they get in there, they do most of the fight at like 60%, 70%, right?

02:13:12.000 That's one of the reasons why Max Holloway stopped sparring.

02:13:16.000 Max decided at one point in time that he sparred enough and he understands it.

02:13:20.000 He just does drills and trains and does a bunch of strength and conditioning work.

02:13:25.000 And when he goes into a fight, he hasn't been hit in a long time.

02:13:29.000 And that's his philosophy.

02:13:30.000 But he's also a world champion at the top of, you know, there's a top five pound for pound.

02:13:35.000 Max Holloway should be in there.

02:13:37.000 He's one of the greatest of all time.

02:13:39.000 That's the thing, if you're amateur, you always start going like, I'm going 100%, dude.

02:13:44.000 Yeah.

02:13:44.000 Like, you know, you step in, whether you're doing jujitsu or you're boxing or something, you're just like, I'm going to go all out.

02:13:50.000 And then you realize this is not sustainable.

02:13:52.000 It's not sustainable.

02:13:53.000 Right? 1.00

02:13:53.000 But those elite guys are like, oh, you got to make this shit last. 1.00

02:13:57.000 Well, Nick Diaz was the best at that. 0.99

02:13:58.000 Because he understood endurance from the perspective of someone who swam from Alcatraz, someone who does triathlons.

02:14:04.000 When you do triathlons, you're fucking swimming, you're running, and you're biking.

02:14:09.000 There's three different things you're doing. 0.98

02:14:10.000 All of them are exhausting.

02:14:11.000 And any one of them, when it's over, it should be over.

02:14:14.000 Like, wow, what a workout.

02:14:15.000 But then you've got another one.

02:14:16.000 And then after that, you've got another one!

02:14:18.000 He takes a tourist boat out there and is like, I'll catch up with you guys.

02:14:22.000 No, no, no.

02:14:23.000 They do that specifically.

02:14:25.000 Endurance athletes do it.

02:14:26.000 They swim back from Alcatraz.

02:14:28.000 Because if you don't make it to the shore, you're dead.

02:14:30.000 And there's also Great Whites. 0.99

02:14:31.000 They nest out there.

02:14:33.000 They nest.

02:14:34.000 San Francisco, that area out there is famous for the population of Great Whites. 0.99

02:14:39.000 You can't outstrike the Great Whites. 1.00

02:14:40.000 No, you're dead. 0.96

02:14:41.000 That's like, what are you doing?

02:14:41.000 So there's like a follow boat?

02:14:43.000 I don't even know how they did it.

02:14:45.000 Either way, he made it all the way five times.

02:14:51.000 Not that a follow boat is going to help you. 0.86

02:14:53.000 How far are you swimming when you do that?

02:14:55.000 I just was there.

02:14:55.000 It's too far.

02:14:56.000 It's more than a mile.

02:14:57.000 No, no.

02:14:57.000 If I'm not mistaken.

02:14:59.000 Current, though.

02:14:59.000 Well, they time it out with a current.

02:15:03.000 They don't go in an outgoing time.

02:15:04.000 But the distance, just the distance as the crow flies.

02:15:07.000 What's the distance between Alcatraz and the short?

02:15:09.000 It's got to be at least two miles?

02:15:12.000 No.

02:15:13.000 It's got to be at least a mile.

02:15:15.000 He says, I have done Alcatraz five times.

02:15:17.000 So during the Conor McGregor, Rafael Dos Anjos, anyway, during one of the fights, I said that he did it twice, and he corrected me.

02:15:25.000 He corrected me and he said he did it five times.

02:15:27.000 How far is the distance?

02:15:28.000 But this is, by the way, 2016. He's probably done it five times since then.

02:15:33.000 Of course. 1.00

02:15:33.000 He's a fucking psycho. 1.00

02:15:34.000 This is a story, like, I remember how hot this story was. 1.00

02:15:37.000 What's the distance between Alcatraz?

02:15:39.000 It's got to be at least, I'm just telling you on triathlons, it's got to be a mile.

02:15:44.000 Yeah, I think it's more than a mile. 0.99

02:15:46.000 I know it is, but I'm just saying, to be safe, it's over a fucking mile. 0.91

02:15:51.000 Whatever, like, what happened with the Kane story? 0.97

02:15:54.000 Cain Velasquez?

02:15:55.000 Cain, he hasn't been convicted in 1.25 miles.

02:16:01.000 Okay.

02:16:02.000 It's a long swim, dude.

02:16:03.000 It's a long swim.

02:16:04.000 Cain has not been convicted.

02:16:05.000 He's still locked up?

02:16:06.000 No, he's free.

02:16:07.000 They released him on bail.

02:16:09.000 Can I ask you to pause for a second?

02:16:12.000 Is Cain Velasquez the guy in Hawaii whose son...

02:16:15.000 No.

02:16:16.000 He's a guy in Northern California whose son was molested by someone who was running the daycare center.

02:16:22.000 Same, same.

02:16:23.000 I thought it was Hawaii.

02:16:23.000 He's from AKA. He's one of the greatest heavyweights of all time.

02:16:27.000 In his prime, maybe the best.

02:16:29.000 And he found out that his son had been molested by a daycare worker.

02:16:35.000 And he went after that guy and drove his car in a rage and shot a gun at him.

02:16:40.000 And they arrested him.

02:16:42.000 They kept him in jail for a long time.

02:16:44.000 And they finally let him out on bond.

02:16:47.000 And now he's coaching at AKA. And I don't know what the status of his case is.

02:16:53.000 But Kane is an exceptional human being.

02:16:56.000 Totally.

02:16:57.000 He's an amazing human being.

02:16:58.000 I feel like that was a story where like... 0.96

02:17:00.000 Every dad who heard that was like, I fucking get it. 0.97

02:17:05.000 I get it 100%. 0.98

02:17:06.000 The guy who did that is out.

02:17:10.000 What?

02:17:11.000 Yeah, the guy who did that is out on bail.

02:17:13.000 So he's out.

02:17:13.000 And Cain was in jail at the same time.

02:17:16.000 It's one of the most terrifying...

02:17:19.000 Situations a father could ever find themselves in and not just know that that guy is out But that you're in prison and that your wife is home with your children and this guy who has already targeted your kid Who knows how fucking sick he is he might try to target him again while you were in jail because You're you're and you might be in jail forever.

02:17:40.000 Who knows you might be in jail for 30 years. 0.50

02:17:42.000 Who knows?

02:17:43.000 It's attempted murder.

02:17:44.000 He was shooting a gun at the guy allegedly You know, but I'm on Team Cain all day.

02:17:49.000 Does he have a GoFundMe?

02:17:50.000 Does he have a GoFundMe?

02:17:51.000 I don't know, but if he is, I'm donating.

02:17:52.000 Can you find out if there's a GoFundMe?

02:17:54.000 I'm on Team Cain all day. 0.62

02:17:56.000 We just strangle him next time.

02:17:57.000 Every person in this room except Ari who has a kid, but even Ari for his dog.

02:18:01.000 No, I'm totally on board.

02:18:03.000 Strangle him.

02:18:03.000 Don't give him the chance.

02:18:03.000 But there's a feeling when you have kids, man, there's a fucking protection feeling.

02:18:08.000 Jim Brewer said it to me. 0.99

02:18:09.000 He goes, I never understood murder.

02:18:13.000 He goes, now I get murder.

02:18:15.000 He goes, I had murder for my kids.

02:18:18.000 Yeah.

02:18:19.000 GoFundMe shut down.

02:18:21.000 What?

02:18:23.000 GoFundMe shuts down Cain Velasquez fundraiser says donors issued refunds.

02:18:28.000 Oh my God.

02:18:28.000 Oh, they shut it down.

02:18:32.000 Violation of terms of service.

02:18:37.000 What's your terms of service?

02:18:38.000 Legal defense of a violent crime.

02:18:41.000 Oh, okay.

02:18:41.000 Prohibits raising money for the legal defense, yeah.

02:18:44.000 So Hurricane, you couldn't raise money for Hurricane?

02:18:46.000 No, it's not a violent crime.

02:18:47.000 What do you mean?

02:18:48.000 It's between human beings.

02:18:49.000 What?

02:18:49.000 The fact of God.

02:18:50.000 Hurricane?

02:18:51.000 No, no, no.

02:18:51.000 You mean Ruben Hurricane Carter?

02:18:52.000 Yeah.

02:18:53.000 Oh, you couldn't have his defense?

02:18:55.000 Okay, I'm glad.

02:18:55.000 You know, I just added Bob Dylan's Hurricane to my Spotify Green Room playlist, which will now be available.

02:19:02.000 Hardcore N-word used in that song.

02:19:04.000 I knew you were saying Hurricane.

02:19:05.000 Is it?

02:19:06.000 Yeah, of course.

02:19:08.000 That hurricane story is complicated.

02:19:12.000 Yeah, but so you couldn't raise money for that defense with the new GoFundMe rules?

02:19:16.000 Yeah, but that story is complicated.

02:19:20.000 Whether or not that person was guilty or not is complicated.

02:19:24.000 The hurricane story?

02:19:36.000 In the movies, they always do that with Fruitvale Station.

02:19:38.000 They can't make him a drug dealer, so he's like, here, take on my weed.

02:19:41.000 I'm done.

02:19:42.000 And it's like, you can be a drug dealer and not deserve to get shot.

02:19:46.000 Yeah, well, also, when drugs are legal and some drugs will get you put in a cage, and the people that own the patents to those drugs are funding politicians, it's like, what?

02:19:57.000 What?

02:19:58.000 Yeah.

02:19:59.000 You know, you just don't want entrepreneurs.

02:20:01.000 You don't want drug dealers on a street level.

02:20:03.000 There's drug dealers everywhere. 0.99

02:20:05.000 Every time you go to Walgreens, there's a fucking plexiglass wall behind you and the drug dealer. 1.00

02:20:10.000 True. 0.99

02:20:11.000 They're filled with people's stuff.

02:20:13.000 Me and Kevin Iser were driving through Arizona, and we passed by some prisons, and we were just looking them up.

02:20:17.000 They all renamed, rebranded, and we were like, they made, since 85, 86, they made $2 billion.

02:20:23.000 And if you told them, hey, one of your big funding things is weed arrests, we're going to make that not a problem.

02:20:29.000 They're going to go full on.

02:20:30.000 I'm like, make that illegal.

02:20:31.000 Keep that illegal.

02:20:32.000 Well, you know that prison guard unions lobby to keep marijuana from being decomposed.

02:20:39.000 You're taking away a quarter of our business.

02:20:40.000 Just to keep them employed, basically.

02:20:42.000 Yeah, because it's like if you're a business person, that's what you're supposed to do.

02:20:46.000 If you have shareholders, if you have union members, you're not supposed to do it morally.

02:20:51.000 You're supposed to do it like what's the benefit of this group of people that I represent.

02:20:57.000 That's what's dirty about corporations.

02:21:01.000 To not do that?

02:21:02.000 What's the family that Jelly Roll just talked about at Congress?

02:21:06.000 The Bilderbergs?

02:21:09.000 No, the Clintons.

02:21:10.000 No, but he talked about a family that did all opioids.

02:21:14.000 The Sackler family.

02:21:18.000 I'm just saying, be fair.

02:21:19.000 Well, the kids are saying, let's get out of this.

02:21:21.000 Could you walk away from millions?

02:21:25.000 Who?

02:21:25.000 You, as a person.

02:21:27.000 You like to say you could.

02:21:29.000 I like to say I could, but I'm just saying I can't. 0.99

02:21:32.000 If you were in the family, the Sackler family, and all that shit was going down, do you think you would have kept your mouth shut? 0.99

02:21:41.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:21:41.000 If you knew that everybody was dying. 1.00

02:21:43.000 Yeah.

02:21:44.000 You justified to yourself.

02:21:45.000 Everyone would.

02:21:46.000 Everyone would.

02:21:47.000 You're lying.

02:21:47.000 I think Facebook started nice.

02:21:48.000 If you're on a yacht in fucking Mykonos. 0.99

02:21:50.000 No. 1.00

02:21:50.000 This is what I believe. 1.00

02:21:51.000 I think Facebook started nice and it was all friendly.

02:21:53.000 It's super nice.

02:21:54.000 And then once Zuckerberg realized, oh, people are turning on each other hard for your thing, he's like, keep it running.

02:21:59.000 Just keep it running.

02:21:59.000 We got a machine here.

02:22:00.000 Buddy, it's so hard to walk away from money.

02:22:04.000 Not everyone has a sweet thing in life.

02:22:08.000 How much money are we talking about?

02:22:11.000 You're willing to let people die for this money?

02:22:16.000 I'm just saying I'm not better than the average person.

02:22:19.000 You know what I want to stop you right here, what you're saying?

02:22:21.000 This is what I want to stop you. 0.81

02:22:23.000 You're you.

02:22:24.000 And those people that work for the Sacklers are a different thing. 1.00

02:22:29.000 If you take flour and sugar and chocolate and you mix it up and you make it a fucking cake, that's how you make a cake. 0.98

02:22:40.000 If you want to make sourdough bread, you need different ingredients. 0.97

02:22:44.000 If you want to make a really nice guy who's a good dad and a good husband and a funny guy and does a tour and does stand-up comedy, you go through your life.

02:22:57.000 I disagree.

02:22:57.000 And you make Bert Kreiser.

02:22:59.000 You make you.

02:23:00.000 If you want to make a Sackler, you have to have disconnected parents. 0.98

02:23:06.000 You have to have this weird privilege of insane financial wealth.

02:23:12.000 You have to have a pharmaceutical gigantic company that's been bribing politicians and manipulating narratives and shaping the public's view of pharmaceutical drugs All for money.

02:23:31.000 But this is the environment that you grow up in.

02:23:35.000 You're a different thing.

02:23:37.000 You're a different thing.

02:23:38.000 You, right now, would pass up on the money.

02:23:42.000 I have money right now, but I'm saying... 0.99

02:23:45.000 No, I'm saying if you got a fucking phone call and the Sackler said, this is going to sound crazy, but it turns out you're a part of the fucking Sackler family. 0.98

02:23:55.000 And you have a seat on the board, and you can come in, and we didn't know, but you're a part of the family, and we have to give you a piece, and you've got to come in. 0.99

02:24:05.000 You're worth $10 billion now.

02:24:07.000 No, that's different.

02:24:07.000 That's inheriting it.

02:24:08.000 What if you're a comedy?

02:24:09.000 What if something you do now, you realize...

02:24:11.000 No, but the Sackler family inherited their wealth, Ari.

02:24:13.000 That's why this is valid.

02:24:14.000 He didn't.

02:24:15.000 He built up his life.

02:24:16.000 That's why he wouldn't do it now.

02:24:19.000 You would do it if you were trapped in that environment.

02:24:21.000 If you were trapped in that environment, your crime life was damaging people.

02:24:23.000 That's what determinism is.

02:24:24.000 The idea behind it is you're shaped by all the different circumstances you encounter.

02:24:29.000 And to compare your circumstances to another circumstances are crazy.

02:24:34.000 They don't make any sense.

02:24:35.000 But I'm wondering, just argument's sake, if they had said to me at a young age, you know, get out of comedy, the Sacklers have this thing called OxyContin.

02:24:49.000 And it's really helping with cancer.

02:24:51.000 Because that's how you get into it, right?

02:24:53.000 Yeah, but for sure you would have got out at an early age.

02:24:56.000 It's like if someone gave you a lottery ticket.

02:24:58.000 If you got a lottery ticket and you won $100 million, it would probably ruin your career when you were 21. A thousand percent.

02:25:07.000 A hundred percent.

02:25:08.000 At 21, it would have.

02:25:10.000 But you wouldn't have gotten out of it.

02:25:11.000 You would have taken it. 0.99

02:25:12.000 No, you would have taken the money and you would have become a loser. 0.90

02:25:15.000 No, I'm saying you wouldn't have gotten out of the money. 0.89

02:25:17.000 No, you would have taken the money.

02:25:18.000 If you don't have any money, when you get money, it is the panacea.

02:25:23.000 It is the elixir.

02:25:24.000 It is the thing that exists that you didn't think was possible. 0.98

02:25:27.000 Now, all of a sudden, you're not worrying about bills, which is 35% of everybody's fucking stress. 0.99

02:25:32.000 Those wardens, those prisons, they're convincing themselves, no, no, these are dangerous drug addicts. 0.99

02:25:38.000 We can't have them on the street.

02:25:39.000 They're convincing themselves, not lying.

02:25:41.000 They're like lying to themselves.

02:25:42.000 Yeah, but you don't even have to convince yourself, man.

02:25:43.000 That's a human dynamic that was exposed in the Stanford prison experiments.

02:25:48.000 If you get people and they have power over other people, they start abusing them.

02:25:52.000 Almost instantly.

02:25:54.000 Especially if somebody tells you to do it.

02:25:59.000 But at the same time, it's like...

02:26:01.000 No, they're not totally debunked, Ari.

02:26:03.000 At the end of it, these people decided that they wanted to get out of it, and they got out of it.

02:26:07.000 But the reality is, the way they behaved with each other was documented.

02:26:14.000 It was like leading them.

02:26:15.000 Yeah, but you couldn't lead me to do that.

02:26:19.000 I don't know.

02:26:20.000 See, that's my problem.

02:26:21.000 You couldn't right now, but you could if I was 20. It was like they weren't really convinced, and they were like, push harder, go.

02:26:28.000 And it's like, okay.

02:26:29.000 They weren't convinced they were actually doing it.

02:26:30.000 There's been a lot of weird things about people in power, and one of the weirdest ones is there was people that were administrating electrical shock To a person.

02:26:44.000 And they were told to do it by someone else, so they did it.

02:26:49.000 And it got to the point where they thought the person might be dying.

02:26:53.000 And some people kept doing it, and some people did not. 1.00

02:26:57.000 And there is a power dynamic that I think allows people to torture people, it allows people to kill people, whatever the fuck you are. 1.00

02:27:09.000 If you're an Israeli, a Palestinian, If you're a Palestinian Israeli, you can kill someone, they're not even a human, that is the other. 1.00

02:27:16.000 There's a fucking programming that exists in our mind because of all the tribal warfare human beings have gone through over hundreds of thousands of years. 0.99

02:27:25.000 When the time we were prehistoric humans, the time we were fucking modern humans, we have been killing each other for so fucking long that we have a program in us where it's easy to other people. 0.99

02:27:37.000 That's how the Holocaust happened. 0.98

02:27:38.000 That's how what's happening in Ukraine is happening.

02:27:40.000 What's happening in Israel is happening.

02:27:42.000 You can decide that someone is something other than a human being. 0.98

02:27:46.000 And they can get you to do that pretty fucking quickly.

02:27:49.000 If they tap into that mindset, they tap into that programming, they can give you a button. 0.99

02:27:54.000 They go, hit him.

02:27:55.000 But he said he's dying. 1.00

02:27:56.000 Hit him. 1.00

02:27:57.000 Hit him. 1.00

02:27:58.000 And they would hear the scream. 0.99

02:27:59.000 They would have them scream. 0.64

02:28:01.000 I have to say this with love.

02:28:05.000 Tom's dad was in the Vietnam War.

02:28:07.000 I don't think Tom's dad was a guy that wanted to ever kill anyone, but he had to in that programming.

02:28:14.000 The thing I think is there's a disconnect with where we as Americans look at things on social media and we think we're not that Karen.

02:28:20.000 We're not that person.

02:28:21.000 We'd never do it.

02:28:22.000 But until you're in that moment, you don't know.

02:28:24.000 You really don't know. 1.00

02:28:25.000 There's a lot of normal GIs in Vietnam that were raping fucking villagers. 1.00

02:28:29.000 Probably. 1.00

02:28:30.000 They didn't go in as monsters.

02:28:34.000 If you can't connect to the fact that that's in you, that's in you, then I think you're lying.

02:28:41.000 It's a possibility.

02:28:43.000 When you go into that, when you show up, you don't just go...

02:28:47.000 The training... 0.85

02:28:50.000 You do get trained to be a killer. 0.95

02:28:52.000 That whole speech of like, they are training you to see the enemy as the enemy and somebody you have to kill, right?

02:29:01.000 So it's not day one.

02:29:04.000 You're prepared over a series of months.

02:29:07.000 And it's a version of a brainwashing. 0.79

02:29:09.000 They brainwash you to become a killer. 0.95

02:29:11.000 Like, this is good. 0.98

02:29:11.000 Do it. 0.98

02:29:12.000 But there's a pattern that you can follow in your head where you can destroy another human being.

02:29:16.000 A thousand percent.

02:29:17.000 You know, and that's what Customato taught Mike Tyson. 0.81

02:29:20.000 He taught Mike Tyson that through hypnosis.

02:29:23.000 He taught him the most effective way to think and to view you don't exist.

02:29:30.000 He was telling them you're just, the task is the only thing that's important.

02:29:33.000 You don't exist.

02:29:35.000 Just the task of smashing this person is all that it is.

02:29:39.000 And if you can think like that, that alleviates so much brain power.

02:29:43.000 Wow.

02:29:44.000 Alleviates the guilt. 1.00

02:29:45.000 And if you tell that to a soldier, you can get them to do some wild shit. 1.00

02:29:49.000 And they did. 1.00

02:29:49.000 And they do. 1.00

02:29:50.000 Your dad talked to you about that.

02:29:52.000 Yeah.

02:29:53.000 In later years, yeah.

02:29:55.000 I'm curious.

02:29:55.000 I would love to hear the insight your dad had about that.

02:29:59.000 As a son, hearing a dad going like, yeah, I just had to kill people.

02:30:04.000 My dad's never killed anyone.

02:30:06.000 But he had asthma.

02:30:10.000 But I'm curious because we're talking about this.

02:30:14.000 What was that?

02:30:15.000 As a son hearing the rationale, you have to accept it.

02:30:18.000 You have to figure it out.

02:30:19.000 Yeah, and he was a great dad and he was a really kind, loving guy.

02:30:22.000 But, I mean, first of all, he loved the Marine Corps.

02:30:26.000 He loved the Marine Corps.

02:30:28.000 Well, I would imagine the bonds you make when you're literally fighting for life and death.

02:30:32.000 And he's a lieutenant, so he has a platoon of 70 men under his command.

02:30:38.000 So you feel also the responsibility.

02:30:42.000 And he told me right before he died, in the last year of his life, that he thought about the men who died in his platoon every day.

02:30:50.000 And he'd never told me that before.

02:30:52.000 I was like, what?

02:30:53.000 He goes, every day.

02:30:54.000 I think about those guys that I lost.

02:30:57.000 Because I had no idea.

02:30:59.000 He never spoke about it.

02:31:00.000 And he would tell me stories about different guys dying next to him, stepping on a mine next to him, exploding three feet from him, getting shot.

02:31:11.000 The worst one, he said, was a guy that, to watch movies back then, you'd have to go to a base, get a film canister, and bring it back.

02:31:21.000 And in a monsoon season, one of those guys went to get films just for entertainment.

02:31:25.000 And he drowned in a monsoon on the way back.

02:31:28.000 What?

02:31:29.000 So it felt like a more meaningless death.

02:31:33.000 It wasn't in combat.

02:31:34.000 Right.

02:31:34.000 Things like that.

02:31:35.000 He would talk about that.

02:31:36.000 And then...

02:31:38.000 Also, they do become...

02:31:39.000 Jesus.

02:31:40.000 They do get this disconnect if you're in combat.

02:31:44.000 Like, it's not like you talking about, could you kill someone?

02:31:47.000 It's like...

02:31:48.000 You're in a world of killing.

02:31:52.000 That's all that's happening around you.

02:31:53.000 It's not could you.

02:31:54.000 You have to.

02:31:55.000 You have to.

02:31:55.000 And so then he was just like, yeah.

02:31:58.000 That's when he started telling me.

02:31:59.000 Because I asked him as a kid.

02:32:00.000 I ended up doing a bit about it.

02:32:03.000 But I used to ask him as a kid.

02:32:04.000 Because you see wars.

02:32:05.000 You see wars.

02:32:07.000 And you're like, you see movies, and you're like, did you do that?

02:32:10.000 And as a kid, you're not going to tell the kids.

02:32:12.000 He was like, no, it didn't work like that.

02:32:13.000 I was in charge.

02:32:15.000 I was a lieutenant.

02:32:16.000 And then later years, he's like, well, I threw grenades in the bunkers.

02:32:21.000 And I was like, were there people in the bunkers?

02:32:23.000 And he was like, yeah.

02:32:24.000 Otherwise, why waste a grenade?

02:32:25.000 Yeah.

02:32:26.000 And he's like, oh, yeah.

02:32:28.000 And then he also said, I mean, it became like this joke, but it was true. 1.00

02:32:32.000 He said, you know, there's no better feeling than killing the enemy, right?

02:32:36.000 Like in combat. 0.95

02:32:37.000 Because they're all trying to kill the people around you.

02:32:39.000 And they are killing people around you.

02:32:40.000 So yeah, he said, you know, he said they would pull bodies out of these holes.

02:32:46.000 The Vietnamese were small people, stature-wise. 1.00

02:32:49.000 So they would hide in holes a lot of times.

02:32:51.000 Like holes in the ground.

02:32:52.000 And they would throw grenades into there.

02:32:54.000 And then when they'd pull them out, they'd be in half.

02:32:57.000 So they'd pull like a torso out. 0.71

02:33:00.000 But he also said, you know, Losing men left and right, like in your platoon.

02:33:07.000 I mean, it's devastating to you.

02:33:08.000 It's like the person you bonded with in basic training.

02:33:12.000 You're over there for a lie.

02:33:14.000 I think that's a part that a lot of people don't ever reconcile with.

02:33:19.000 That's got to be the hardest.

02:33:21.000 You're over there committing atrocities for a lie.

02:33:26.000 There's no reason for you to be there.

02:33:28.000 Like they're not here.

02:33:29.000 You're over there.

02:33:31.000 The Gulf of Tonkin incident wasn't real.

02:33:33.000 The Gulf of Tonkin, too, is something that even active-duty people at the time didn't realize until 20, 30 years.

02:33:41.000 You know what I mean?

02:33:42.000 Well, that's Smedley Butler, The War is a Racket.

02:33:45.000 That's his whole article that he wrote from 1933. You know, very established general.

02:33:54.000 At the end of his career, he writes what he was really doing, what he thought he was doing.

02:33:59.000 It was really just like making things safe for bankers.

02:34:03.000 Wow.

02:34:04.000 Controlling resources.

02:34:05.000 This is 33. Wow.

02:34:07.000 It's called War is a Racket.

02:34:10.000 Really?

02:34:10.000 Making things safe for bankers.

02:34:12.000 I think you've talked about that before.

02:34:13.000 I've talked about it every time I can because people need to understand these patterns.

02:34:16.000 They're repeating themselves forever because they're a part of human behavior patterns.

02:34:22.000 These natural patterns that exist in order to enable us to survive.

02:34:28.000 To survive, you have to conquer your enemies, control resources, establish safe grounds, and that stuff can get out of hand if that's your whole business.

02:34:37.000 If that's your whole business, you've been doing that forever, then you find reasons to go to war.

02:34:41.000 That war machine.

02:34:42.000 The war machine.

02:34:43.000 Eisenhower talked about at the end of his presidential term.

02:34:46.000 That's how you get to Hillary Clinton. 1.00

02:34:47.000 It's still...

02:34:48.000 Wait, is your dad still alive?

02:34:50.000 Yeah.

02:34:51.000 Is your dad still alive?

02:34:54.000 Yeah, allegedly.

02:34:56.000 You know, my uncle, my dad was active duty on the ground.

02:35:01.000 My uncle flew over 600 missions in Vietnam.

02:35:04.000 Dropping bombs.

02:35:06.000 On your mom's Vietnam. 0.61

02:35:07.000 I mean, think about it.

02:35:09.000 Think about it.

02:35:10.000 Don't do that.

02:35:11.000 Stand by that.

02:35:11.000 Think about those numbers, though.

02:35:13.000 600 times?

02:35:16.000 Wow.

02:35:17.000 Jesus Christ. 1.00

02:35:18.000 Imagine being the guy in the plane that drops the fucking... 1.00

02:35:21.000 Nuke. 1.00

02:35:22.000 The first nuke.

02:35:23.000 Did you ever see the guy that did?

02:35:24.000 And he was like... 0.95

02:35:26.000 It fucked him up. 0.96

02:35:26.000 Oh, wow. 0.96

02:35:27.000 No, one of them was like, that's just what it is.

02:35:30.000 Bro, but that guy just killed 150,000 people.

02:35:35.000 But they didn't know if their plane was going to be able to get away from the bomb. 0.97

02:35:40.000 So they had to fucking fly crazy altitudes to try to get out of the bomb. 0.95

02:35:45.000 Isn't that crazy? 0.99

02:35:46.000 Like, first time.

02:35:47.000 You're not exactly sure.

02:35:48.000 Did you see Oppenheimer?

02:35:50.000 It's amazing.

02:35:51.000 I read the book. 0.99

02:35:52.000 Shut up. 1.00

02:35:53.000 You don't read. 1.00

02:35:54.000 I don't read.

02:35:55.000 I don't even read.

02:35:57.000 I do read.

02:35:58.000 Of course you do.

02:35:59.000 But I read like 10% of what I listen to.

02:36:02.000 Books on tape?

02:36:03.000 Yeah.

02:36:03.000 But I wish you read for less.

02:36:04.000 Huh?

02:36:05.000 I wish you read less.

02:36:06.000 Why?

02:36:07.000 It'd be easier to hang out with you.

02:36:09.000 Am I hard to hang out with?

02:36:10.000 Joe, you know too much, man. 1.00

02:36:13.000 You already knew me when I was stupid. 0.99

02:36:16.000 I know, I wish I got that Joe. 1.00

02:36:18.000 I got the early Joe, the dumb Joe. 0.99

02:36:20.000 That was my favorite Joe. 0.99

02:36:21.000 This Joe, like...

02:36:22.000 Before he discovered a book. 1.00

02:36:23.000 Oh, fuck. 1.00

02:36:25.000 I remember when you got curious. 1.00

02:36:27.000 I remember it.

02:36:28.000 I've been curious forever.

02:36:30.000 I didn't have a platform where I can get people to talk to me.

02:36:33.000 As long as you can keep it from moon landings or aliens or pyramids, you're good.

02:36:38.000 Leanne's always wondered, what's it like hanging out with Joe?

02:36:41.000 And I was like, I don't know, it's really hard to explain.

02:36:44.000 And then you hung out with her the other night.

02:36:46.000 I don't know what you were talking about because I just stopped listening. 0.98

02:36:48.000 But you were like, felt inclusions and Bob Lazar and the fucking... 0.97

02:36:54.000 Yeah, we were talking about this lady... 1.00

02:36:57.000 Diana Posolka who is on the podcast who is she's a religious scholar and she was talking about how There is a growing theory that these experienced people having with UFOs UAPs alien abductions This is not something from another planet.

02:37:14.000 It's something that's always been here.

02:37:16.000 It's an inter- Interdimensional being that there's a bunch of different Yeah.

02:37:36.000 Best post-sex conversation I've ever had.

02:37:39.000 Hope Brogan was right.

02:37:40.000 I want to be angels with you up in heaven. 0.99

02:37:43.000 It was cool as fuck. 1.00

02:37:45.000 She hung out with Joe for fucking ten minutes and then we had sex and she was like, hey, I love that idea. 1.00

02:37:53.000 Those angels are real. 0.99

02:37:55.000 It's cool.

02:37:56.000 I think if you stopped and thought about how many cultures believe in some greater power that's above everything that they intuitively know is guiding you in a moral and ethical direction, there's gotta be something to it.

02:38:13.000 Yeah.

02:38:13.000 There's something to it.

02:38:14.000 I agree. 1.00

02:38:15.000 Suck my dick, Louis C.K. You're right. 1.00

02:38:17.000 He can suck my dick. 1.00

02:38:19.000 Why should he suck your dick? 1.00

02:38:20.000 Because he didn't believe in anything. 1.00

02:38:22.000 Well, that's a fair way to believe if you want to just do it based entirely on evidence.

02:38:26.000 That's a very reasonable perspective.

02:38:27.000 He's a total atheist.

02:38:28.000 Because he's like, you're just making up a reason.

02:38:30.000 It's this.

02:38:30.000 Yeah, but I like that more.

02:38:32.000 I like that more.

02:38:33.000 I think the universe is God.

02:38:36.000 That's what I think. 0.96

02:38:37.000 I think this idea of God creating the universe is silly.

02:38:40.000 I think the whole thing is God.

02:38:42.000 I think it's God in the fact that it's the entire creation of everything that exists that we can measure.

02:38:48.000 All of it is the universe.

02:38:49.000 And if you read the Bible, the Bible talks about in the beginning there was light.

02:38:54.000 Boy, that sounds a lot like the Big Bang.

02:38:56.000 Boy, that sounds a lot like the birth of the universe. 0.98

02:38:58.000 I think these fucking people that wrote the Bible were recounting stories that were told down through people that had a scientific understanding of the birth and death of the universe, just like we do now. 0.98

02:39:08.000 Maybe even more than we do now. 0.99

02:39:10.000 And then they got hit by asteroids.

02:39:11.000 And then it was thousands of years before civilization reestablished itself, and the stories had been told down, handed down, forever and ever.

02:39:20.000 And by the time people wrote them down, they were goofy.

02:39:22.000 And they were goofy, and it was like, God created the earth in six days, and the whole story of Adam and Eve.

02:39:27.000 And there's probably a lot to all of it that's true.

02:39:31.000 And it's probably a historical record that was told to people that were essentially barbarians that were surviving from the collapse of a superior civilization, superior to what we have today.

02:39:44.000 And there's a lot of real physical evidence of that.

02:39:47.000 There's a lot of archaeological evidence of that.

02:39:49.000 And it seems to be a direction that a lot of people are headed into when they understand how often we get hit with asteroids.

02:39:55.000 Somewhere around 11,800 years ago we got pelted and it stopped civilization in its tracks and we had to rebuild from scratch.

02:40:03.000 And the people that survived were probably monsters.

02:40:07.000 Monsters. 1.00

02:40:08.000 The Mongols and the fucking hordes and the barbarians. 1.00

02:40:12.000 They were the most harsh people because that was the only way you survived because there was no longer a technologically advanced civilization. 0.99

02:40:20.000 It was all just barbarism and there's very few animals to eat because there's a nuclear winter because the sky is filled with the impact of this massive meteor that slams into earth and kills 70% of all the people.

02:40:36.000 And then about 6,000 years later, they start figuring out mathematics again.

02:40:40.000 Wow.

02:40:40.000 This is why I listen to this podcast.

02:40:42.000 That's what I think.

02:40:43.000 What do you think?

02:40:44.000 You grew up religious.

02:40:45.000 Uh-huh.

02:40:46.000 What is your take on God?

02:40:49.000 You gave up your Lord.

02:40:50.000 Yeah.

02:40:51.000 They said the years were different.

02:40:53.000 So when they said it was created 5,000 years ago, they're like, that's our understanding of the years.

02:40:58.000 They're like, this guy lived to 260. But that's just, I don't know, some seasons passed.

02:41:03.000 When they wrote that, they didn't even have a sundial.

02:41:06.000 Right, so they're like, how old are you?

02:41:07.000 Like, I don't know, we don't have calendars.

02:41:08.000 But are you a believer in a higher power?

02:41:10.000 No.

02:41:11.000 Why?

02:41:12.000 What do you mean why?

02:41:13.000 What happens when you die?

02:41:13.000 There's no why to a belief.

02:41:15.000 What happens when you die? 0.90

02:41:17.000 When you die, I want to forget you.

02:41:19.000 You know I've worked really hard, so that doesn't happen.

02:41:23.000 You know, that's one of my biggest things about working is I wonder, because they say you die twice.

02:41:29.000 You die when you die, and then you die when the last person that remembers you dies.

02:41:33.000 I try to go to graveyards.

02:41:35.000 I try to look at the graveyards and see who they are and try to say their name and keep them alive a little longer.

02:41:39.000 Whoa.

02:41:40.000 That's creepy.

02:41:42.000 Sometimes I call my dead friends on their cell phone numbers.

02:41:46.000 Did they ever answer?

02:41:47.000 Nope.

02:41:48.000 They never got that number again?

02:41:49.000 That's interesting.

02:41:50.000 I don't like the death thing.

02:41:53.000 I don't believe in it.

02:41:54.000 You don't believe in death?

02:41:55.000 Yeah.

02:41:56.000 I have one phone that I keep active because I have a text message chain from Anthony Bourdain and a voicemail from a buddy who might have died.

02:42:07.000 The pool player?

02:42:08.000 No, Dave Dolan, my private investigator friend.

02:42:12.000 He was the funniest guy I ever met that never did stand-up.

02:42:16.000 I was an amateur comic and he was a private investigator that lost his driver's license because he was drunk driving.

02:42:23.000 So he needed an assistant.

02:42:24.000 And so he really just needed someone to drive him.

02:42:27.000 And so I was like, private investigator's assistant?

02:42:29.000 That'd be a cool job.

02:42:30.000 So I started working for this guy.

02:42:32.000 And he died a few years back when he left me a voicemail. 0.85

02:42:36.000 It was fucking awesome.

02:42:37.000 What was the last text Anthony Bourdain sent you? 0.97

02:42:41.000 That's a good question.

02:42:42.000 Please let him call you.

02:42:43.000 No, there was a restaurant and I took a photo of this chef that was prominently figured on the wall.

02:42:52.000 I go, who's this guy?

02:42:53.000 And it's Marco Pierre White.

02:42:56.000 You know who he is?

02:42:59.000 Google that guy.

02:43:00.000 He's one of the most extraordinary chefs that's like ever existed.

02:43:05.000 He's like a true artistic genius that's a chef.

02:43:10.000 Where's he based out of?

02:43:13.000 Yeah, he's English.

02:43:15.000 He's amazing.

02:43:16.000 He's a really fascinating guy.

02:43:17.000 There's a ton of videos of him talking about food.

02:43:21.000 The way he approaches food is the way Rembrandt approached paintings.

02:43:27.000 I love this guy.

02:43:28.000 He's a wizard.

02:43:29.000 I mean, he's legitimate.

02:43:30.000 He's 100% all-in.

02:43:32.000 I believe now the way he sets up these insane restaurants, and I think one of them he's using now from a farm, if I remember correctly, that he runs.

02:43:42.000 He's certainly done that in the past, where they source all of their ingredients, everything.

02:43:47.000 Love it, love it, love it.

02:43:48.000 And they set the menu.

02:43:50.000 I mean, it's cuisine taken to a level of precision that it just doesn't...

02:43:59.000 It's not just food.

02:44:01.000 The food experience I had in Asia, by the way, was unbelievable.

02:44:04.000 Yeah, I saw your post.

02:44:05.000 It was unbelievable.

02:44:06.000 So how did you know where to go?

02:44:08.000 A lot of it was that Phillip Lee was there, our friend Phillip Lee, the chef.

02:44:13.000 He was in Tokyo.

02:44:14.000 Tell you where to go.

02:44:15.000 Oh, that's amazing.

02:44:15.000 And he had been there a month.

02:44:17.000 Oh, that's amazing.

02:44:18.000 And so we went to an omakase sushi place for lunch that I was like, this is absolutely insane.

02:44:25.000 A teppanyaki place at a hotel. 0.82

02:44:27.000 Here's one of the things... 1.00

02:44:29.000 Oh, my dick's hard. 1.00

02:44:30.000 Oh, my God. 1.00

02:44:31.000 So teppanyaki... 1.00

02:44:32.000 Fuck. 1.00

02:44:33.000 Oh, he said this thing that I was like, oh, I didn't realize this. 1.00

02:44:36.000 That in the States, a lot of times when you stay at a hotel, you go, we gotta get out of the hotel to find something good to eat, right? 0.98

02:44:43.000 Like the hotel restaurant, you're like, is shit? 0.96

02:44:47.000 But the thing in Tokyo is that hotels, like your fucking Hyatt Hotel has a restaurant that you're like, I wish I could eat here every night. 0.99

02:45:02.000 It's that thing of the ingredient is the star. 0.87

02:45:05.000 So like a salad, you have a basic salad, the tomato is like the best tomato you've ever had, the lettuce is...

02:45:11.000 We had king crab, they go, do you want king crab at this teppanyaki place? 1.00

02:45:14.000 And I was like...

02:45:15.000 Yeah, like king crab.

02:45:16.000 And I'm thinking of it all the times I've had it before.

02:45:19.000 And they bring it out raw.

02:45:20.000 It had just been brought in from a ship earlier that day.

02:45:25.000 And then they just season it, put a little butter on the griddle there, and prepare it.

02:45:31.000 It was the best.

02:45:32.000 I'd never had anything like that before.

02:45:34.000 The Wagyu Mafia, which is like... 0.94

02:45:37.000 A theater performance.

02:45:39.000 It's six table top, and it's just 13 different variations of Wagyu beef.

02:45:45.000 Wow.

02:45:46.000 I mean, and then we went to Hong Kong, and we had, there's this place called New Punjab Club.

02:45:52.000 It's a one-star Michelin place Indian food that was...

02:45:56.000 What's one-star mean?

02:45:57.000 So one star, it's like, yeah, there's three star possibilities.

02:46:00.000 So one star is that this is, if it's accessible to you, it's worth going to eat here.

02:46:05.000 Two stars is like, it's worth going out of your way to eat here.

02:46:09.000 Three stars is it's worth making a trip to go to this place just to eat here.

02:46:13.000 I went to one of those.

02:46:15.000 Yeah, we went to a three star in Singapore that was called Zen that was just unbelievable.

02:46:20.000 But in Hong Kong, that Indian place, their kitchen Was smaller than the space we're in right now. 0.99

02:46:27.000 Whoa.

02:46:28.000 How many seats?

02:46:30.000 They had probably six tables.

02:46:33.000 And they had a cylinder, like a ceramic cylinder.

02:46:36.000 They brought us into the kitchen with coal down there.

02:46:39.000 And they just take sticks and they put them in there with chicken and beef and everything.

02:46:42.000 And it gets to like, I don't know, a thousand degrees in there.

02:46:46.000 But every dish came out and you're like, this is...

02:46:49.000 Everything we ate was like, this is the best thing I've ever eaten, you know?

02:46:52.000 Wow!

02:46:52.000 But the three star in Singapore really was one of those experiences where the experience starts when you walk in.

02:47:00.000 When you walk in.

02:47:00.000 You know, see a waiting room experience.

02:47:03.000 Did you ever see the movie The Menu?

02:47:04.000 Yes.

02:47:05.000 Isn't it amazing?

02:47:06.000 I love that movie.

02:47:07.000 That's such a good movie.

02:47:08.000 Me and Bobby Kelly went to Noma in Copenhagen.

02:47:12.000 No. 1.00

02:47:12.000 Noma's the motherfucker, right? 1.00

02:47:14.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:47:14.000 It was like best restaurant three out of five years. 1.00

02:47:17.000 And the guy was like, we were at a festival.

02:47:19.000 He's like, let's just go see it.

02:47:20.000 They ain't gonna get you in.

02:47:21.000 And they go, hey, these guys are comedians visiting.

02:47:24.000 Wait, hold on.

02:47:24.000 Is this pre-lap band surgery?

02:47:26.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00

02:47:27.000 Oh, fuck yeah! 0.99

02:47:28.000 And anyway, I got a call. 1.00

02:47:30.000 I'm taking a nap.

02:47:31.000 I'm taking a nap to get a call.

02:47:32.000 We got a cancellation for lunch.

02:47:33.000 You want to come in?

02:47:34.000 And I was like, yeah.

02:47:35.000 I called Bobby.

02:47:35.000 He's with the promoter.

02:47:37.000 Bobby's like, nah, we had a shorter pizza.

02:47:38.000 And the guy hit him in the face and said, put that pizza down and go over there right now.

02:47:42.000 And Bobby said, I'll eat the pizza also.

02:47:44.000 26 course lunch.

02:47:47.000 They don't have lemons because it's not local.

02:47:49.000 Everything's local, yeah.

02:47:50.000 So we use ants that give you that lemony zest.

02:47:54.000 Ants.

02:47:55.000 Fried moss.

02:47:57.000 Ants.

02:47:58.000 Ants.

02:47:59.000 There was a pairing, a booze pairing, fried moss.

02:48:02.000 It's great.

02:48:03.000 There was a booze pairing, Bobby's like, I'm an alcoholic, can't eat because we have a juice pairing for you.

02:48:06.000 There's no level that they won't Accommodate to make the experience.

02:48:10.000 Where we were in the kitchen, there were three guys peeling walnuts.

02:48:13.000 The little brown casing on a walnut.

02:48:15.000 And I was like, who are those guys?

02:48:16.000 They're high-level chefs.

02:48:17.000 I'm like, what are they doing? 1.00

02:48:18.000 They don't want that shit getting stuck in your teeth. 1.00

02:48:21.000 This is one of the things you wish you could share. 1.00

02:48:23.000 Yeah, the ants right there.

02:48:24.000 You wish you could share this experience with everybody.

02:48:27.000 Like, just so they get to have something like this. 1.00

02:48:29.000 Oh, that fucking ants! 1.00

02:48:31.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:48:32.000 And you just do it.

02:48:33.000 You don't think twice.

02:48:34.000 It's amazing.

02:48:36.000 Alright, what's better?

02:48:39.000 Sushi in Japan, or like that high-end sushi, or pasta in Europe?

02:48:45.000 When you're in Italy...

02:48:46.000 Yeah, low-level food's good, too.

02:48:48.000 Why does everything have to be a competition with you, Bert?

02:48:53.000 I'm just trying to start a conversation.

02:48:54.000 I want you to pick teams. 1.00

02:48:56.000 Yeah, some of that shit's great, too. 1.00

02:48:57.000 A local, small, good sandwich in France. 1.00

02:48:59.000 Ham-made pasta, ham-made tortillas.

02:49:02.000 Listen, man, if I had two foods to choose for the rest of my life, only based on flavor, it's Italian and Mexican.

02:49:09.000 100%.

02:49:10.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:49:13.000 Italian's great, but I like to get drunk. 1.00

02:49:15.000 I like a fucking burrito. 1.00

02:49:17.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:49:17.000 Hey, more tortillas are fucking next up. 1.00

02:49:19.000 Remember those chicken burritos we used to get in San Diego when we go to La Jolla? 0.98

02:49:23.000 Don Carlos?

02:49:24.000 Oh! 0.60

02:49:25.000 Did you ever go to...

02:49:26.000 That's like that really watery red sauce that was on the chicken...

02:49:31.000 Oh my god, that's insane.

02:49:33.000 Yuka's on Vermont in LA? No.

02:49:36.000 It's a parking lot with a, like a hut, like a stand, like where you would go to get a parking ticket.

02:49:42.000 That's the kitchen.

02:49:43.000 Whoa.

02:49:44.000 And she got the James Beard Award.

02:49:46.000 Really?

02:49:47.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:49:47.000 Really.

02:49:48.000 And it's like, just tacos the way she made them in Yucatown.

02:49:52.000 Oh, yeah.

02:49:52.000 And I guarantee you those high-level chefs from that would love to eat at Yucca's.

02:49:55.000 Bro, if it wasn't for the fact that it's not good for you, I'd be eating Mexican food every day.

02:50:02.000 Mexican food and Italian food.

02:50:03.000 I'd be eating linguine and clams.

02:50:05.000 If food was just calories purely and there was no nutrition at all.

02:50:09.000 That's the whole restaurant, dude.

02:50:10.000 There was no concern with what's good for your body and bad for your body.

02:50:14.000 Oh my god, I've been eating pizza and pasta all day long.

02:50:17.000 There's nothing better than pizza.

02:50:18.000 I've been eating lasagna.

02:50:20.000 If food was all just, every food was equal.

02:50:24.000 A rigatoni norcino.

02:50:25.000 Oh! 0.60

02:50:27.000 What's the one with the egg yolk in it?

02:50:29.000 I'm hungry right now.

02:50:30.000 Oh yeah, they mix it up.

02:50:31.000 Carbonara. 0.99

02:50:32.000 Carbonara is the fucking greatest. 0.99

02:50:34.000 Have you eaten at Felix in Venice? 0.99

02:50:35.000 No, I've never been there.

02:50:37.000 Jesus Luizus.

02:50:40.000 Evan Funky.

02:50:41.000 He's got three restaurants now.

02:50:43.000 He's got Mother Wolf, he's got Funky. 0.97

02:50:44.000 I've been to Mother Wolf, and that's fucking awesome in Hollywood. 0.96

02:50:47.000 I don't even think about going gluten-free when I go to that joint. 1.00

02:50:50.000 Mother Wolf is the shit. 1.00

02:50:51.000 For real? 1.00

02:50:52.000 Yeah, I let that carnivore diet go fuck itself. 1.00

02:50:56.000 We're here for mouth pleasure. 1.00

02:50:58.000 Evan is a wizard.

02:50:59.000 He's been on the podcast before.

02:51:01.000 He has?

02:51:01.000 Yeah, he's a wizard.

02:51:02.000 It's just when you see it, they're artists about it.

02:51:04.000 They're thinking about it at another level.

02:51:06.000 Brother, Roy Choi, friend of Tom.

02:51:09.000 Tom and I used to do dinner with Roy Choi all the time.

02:51:12.000 He lived next door to me.

02:51:13.000 He revolutionized taco trucks.

02:51:15.000 Good from the Bourdain.

02:51:17.000 He said to me one time, we went to dinner for his daughter's birthday, and he said, what do you have for dinner?

02:51:23.000 And he said, I'm going vegan.

02:51:24.000 I said, really?

02:51:25.000 He said, I'm going vegan for a year, because I feel like meat has dominated my palate, and I want to really challenge my palate to find flavor again.

02:51:34.000 And then you go, wow, that's...

02:51:38.000 Dedication to the craft, really. 0.99

02:51:40.000 That's fucking next level, man. 1.00

02:51:41.000 That's the fucking thing. 1.00

02:51:43.000 I couldn't do that. 1.00

02:51:44.000 Yeah, it's like, boy, dumb. 1.00

02:51:46.000 Go eat squash for a year, stupid. 1.00

02:51:48.000 I can eat ribeye steaks 365 days a year. 1.00

02:51:51.000 I'll be fine.

02:51:52.000 You gave me two Zins.

02:51:53.000 Yeah, let's go.

02:51:54.000 No, they're rogues.

02:51:55.000 They're two rogues.

02:51:55.000 Tommy, you turned me on to these.

02:51:57.000 They're the best.

02:51:58.000 They're the best.

02:51:58.000 I know you are.

02:51:59.000 Yeah, let's do it. 0.99

02:51:59.000 I'm not even an asshole. 0.99

02:52:00.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 0.94

02:52:01.000 Pass me two.

02:52:02.000 I'm into 24 milligrams.

02:52:04.000 Hey.

02:52:05.000 It dropped on the ground.

02:52:07.000 Dropped on the ground. 1.00

02:52:08.000 I take it off the fucking ground. 1.00

02:52:09.000 I take it off the ground. 1.00

02:52:09.000 Don't be scared. 1.00

02:52:11.000 There's only random people from all walks of life.

02:52:15.000 I already sat that seat many times.

02:52:17.000 It's not the safest.

02:52:20.000 I'm not in love with the seating choice for Protect My Parks.

02:52:26.000 I'm not in love with the seating choice for Protect My Parks.

02:52:28.000 Why?

02:52:29.000 I don't know.

02:52:30.000 I like where you are.

02:52:31.000 Right here.

02:52:31.000 Switch it up.

02:52:33.000 I'm not in love with sunglasses either. 0.99

02:52:36.000 No, they have to go sunglasses when they get fucked up. 0.98

02:52:38.000 It lets Shane be Shane. 0.99

02:52:39.000 It lets Tim Dillon be Tim Dillon.

02:52:41.000 You gotta give a man the option of sunglasses.

02:52:44.000 You have to.

02:52:44.000 Really?

02:52:45.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:52:45.000 What are you doing?

02:52:46.000 It's like how a lot of people... 1.00

02:52:48.000 Look at that cock. 1.00

02:52:49.000 Here, let me show you mine. 1.00

02:52:50.000 He's gonna piss into a jar.

02:52:52.000 You know there's a bathroom out there? 0.98

02:52:53.000 Wait, a closer one?

02:52:54.000 Ari, Ari. 0.99

02:52:55.000 No, it's not a closer one.

02:52:57.000 No, don't do that.

02:52:58.000 You got a lot of sack, bro.

02:53:00.000 I got a lot of sack. 1.00

02:53:01.000 What a great dick. 1.00

02:53:02.000 Your sack looks like you lost 500 pounds. 1.00

02:53:06.000 Thank you.

02:53:07.000 You had like 80 pounds in your sack.

02:53:10.000 Let's see yours.

02:53:11.000 Joe, let's go viral.

02:53:12.000 Let's go viral.

02:53:13.000 No, no, no. 1.00

02:53:13.000 I'm not showing my dick. 1.00

02:53:14.000 I'm a grown man. 1.00

02:53:15.000 Are your balls bigger than your dick? 1.00

02:53:17.000 No, they're regular. 1.00

02:53:19.000 Yeah?

02:53:19.000 Yeah.

02:53:22.000 Do you have a hard time cumming? 0.99

02:53:24.000 Nope. 0.99

02:53:25.000 For real?

02:53:26.000 No. 0.99

02:53:26.000 What do you think about when you cum? 0.99

02:53:28.000 I really don't have a thing. 0.97

02:53:30.000 Come on, man. 1.00

02:53:30.000 Don't piss into the fucking... 1.00

02:53:32.000 Why don't you go to the bathroom? 1.00

02:53:34.000 Just pinch your dick. 1.00

02:53:35.000 Go out there. 1.00

02:53:36.000 Take your headphones off and go walk out.

02:53:39.000 Ari, go walk out. 1.00

02:53:41.000 Don't piss in my mug. 0.61

02:53:42.000 I'll take it. 0.92

02:53:44.000 Just walk them both out now.

02:53:46.000 Like, you should have just left before. 0.98

02:53:48.000 How much piss do you have left in you? 0.84

02:53:49.000 Do you really have a good gauge? 0.98

02:53:51.000 Yeah, it's done.

02:53:52.000 I was going to get the top of the bubbles.

02:53:53.000 I can just tell you that when you have to piss and you do piss, it's one of the great feelings of life.

02:53:59.000 It feels so good.

02:54:00.000 It's so good, and it's one of those things we're ashamed of so we don't talk about it.

02:54:05.000 We really appreciate a good, solid piss.

02:54:07.000 Have you been drinking beer?

02:54:09.000 Zip it up. 1.00

02:54:10.000 Don't zip your dick in your... 1.00

02:54:11.000 How many times have you done that? 1.00

02:54:12.000 Caught your dick in your zipper? 1.00

02:54:14.000 Yeah, I've done that. 1.00

02:54:14.000 It's horrific. 1.00

02:54:15.000 That stopped me from going bareback.

02:54:16.000 I thought bareback was a wild person's way to do it.

02:54:19.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 0.99

02:54:19.000 I don't need no fucking underwear. 0.99

02:54:20.000 I'm not a pussy. 1.00

02:54:21.000 Do you know underwear? 1.00

02:54:22.000 A couple times I caught my dick in my zipper. 1.00

02:54:24.000 He never does. 0.99

02:54:24.000 I don't want underwear. 0.99

02:54:25.000 Nice. 1.00

02:54:26.000 I know, I pull your dick out in front of everybody at Vulcan. 1.00

02:54:29.000 I know. 1.00

02:54:30.000 You did?

02:54:31.000 I pantsed him.

02:54:32.000 I pantsed him during Kill Tony. 1.00

02:54:34.000 His ass was hanging out. 1.00

02:54:35.000 I was like, let's go. 1.00

02:54:36.000 Let's go.

02:54:37.000 Let's go.

02:54:38.000 You get a little shaft caught in a zipper, that'll change you.

02:54:40.000 That'll do.

02:54:41.000 No.

02:54:42.000 No?

02:54:43.000 It's not good.

02:54:45.000 You need underwear.

02:54:47.000 You need underwear.

02:54:48.000 Underwear are important.

02:54:49.000 Keep it together.

02:54:50.000 No.

02:54:51.000 No?

02:54:51.000 No.

02:54:51.000 Okay.

02:54:52.000 You just feel great, though, huh?

02:54:54.000 Especially in a suit pant.

02:54:57.000 You feel like a wild person. 1.00

02:55:00.000 Remember those days where the girls were getting caught getting out of limos with their pussies? 1.00

02:55:06.000 On purpose. 0.99

02:55:09.000 Because the camera was down. 0.99

02:55:10.000 The camera was literally focused on their vagina. 1.00

02:55:13.000 Like down low. 0.99

02:55:16.000 Imagine.

02:55:17.000 It's like a wildlife photographer.

02:55:18.000 Yes!

02:55:19.000 Yeah, kids are a falcon. 1.00

02:55:21.000 See if these fucking jaguars are going to come out of that. 1.00

02:55:26.000 They did it. 1.00

02:55:27.000 It was like they figured out how to be viral early on. 1.00

02:55:31.000 Just show your pussy. 1.00

02:55:32.000 That was so fascinating to me when I learned that a lot of those people that are always in paparazzi, that they give a heads up to the paparazzi. 1.00

02:55:40.000 Oh, yeah.

02:55:40.000 You know, I didn't know that originally.

02:55:42.000 You're like, oh.

02:55:43.000 They call.

02:55:44.000 They're like, I'm going here.

02:55:45.000 No, yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:55:45.000 Hey, I'm having a beard.

02:55:47.000 I'm dating.

02:55:47.000 And then they go, ugh.

02:55:49.000 Yeah, exactly.

02:55:50.000 Jesus.

02:55:50.000 How do you deal with paparazzi?

02:55:51.000 How do I deal with them?

02:55:53.000 Do you engage or do you just tap out?

02:55:56.000 I mean, the only thing I think I deal with is probably autographed people.

02:56:01.000 You've never had, like, paparazzi come up to you?

02:56:03.000 Yeah, I did it on Melrose in L.A., but they're not, like, here. 1.00

02:56:06.000 But are you generous, or are you just, like, go fuck yourself? 0.99

02:56:09.000 The TMZ guys are good guys. 1.00

02:56:11.000 They're good guys.

02:56:12.000 I've known a few of them that were comics.

02:56:14.000 That guy got his headphones?

02:56:15.000 Yeah, they're good guys.

02:56:16.000 Just trying to make a buck.

02:56:17.000 Just making money.

02:56:18.000 I was talking to some hot foreign chick at the patio of the store, and I was just coming up, and the guy was like, hey, man, when you're done with the date, can I get an interview with you, TMZ? I was like, yeah, sure.

02:56:26.000 I talked to her for another 20 minutes, then she left, and I was like, you don't really want anybody.

02:56:30.000 I was like, no, I was trying to make you look cool.

02:56:32.000 I was like, nice! 0.97

02:56:33.000 That was fucking awesome. 0.98

02:56:35.000 That's hilarious. 0.98

02:56:37.000 That's a good move.

02:56:38.000 There was like 20 of them outside of a store once, and then they all surrounded me, and I was like, you're not here for me.

02:56:45.000 And they're like, no, so-and-so is shopping over here.

02:56:48.000 But they're just nice.

02:56:49.000 Yeah, most of them are just people, man.

02:56:51.000 And then they also get abused all the time. 1.00

02:56:53.000 But some of them are fucking creeps. 1.00

02:56:56.000 Some of them are just invading privacy. 0.99

02:56:58.000 Yeah.

02:56:58.000 I mean, there's people that have tapped into people's phones.

02:57:02.000 This shit's crazy. 0.99

02:57:03.000 Tapped into their emails. 1.00

02:57:04.000 You worried about that?

02:57:05.000 No.

02:57:06.000 Not really.

02:57:07.000 I assume everyone is listening to every phone call I make.

02:57:11.000 Do you think of that when you text?

02:57:12.000 100%.

02:57:13.000 I think of that.

02:57:13.000 Yeah, and I still send memes.

02:57:15.000 Shut the fuck up. 1.00

02:57:16.000 I'll defend these in court, bitch. 1.00

02:57:18.000 These are funny. 0.99

02:57:21.000 What's his name?

02:57:22.000 Pete Lee?

02:57:23.000 Yeah.

02:57:24.000 Pete Lee.

02:57:25.000 You know the story maybe better than I do.

02:57:27.000 Or the comic?

02:57:27.000 No, Pete Lee, the comic.

02:57:28.000 He had a stalker who was trying to kill him.

02:57:31.000 Oh boy.

02:57:31.000 And it was really bad.

02:57:32.000 It had to go to court.

02:57:33.000 And he had talked apparently about a stalker on Legion of Skanks.

02:57:37.000 And they read the transcripts of Legion of Skanks in court.

02:57:41.000 No.

02:57:43.000 And it murdered.

02:57:45.000 Everyone was laughing hysterically.

02:57:48.000 Everyone was laughing hysterically. 1.00

02:57:50.000 And they're like, fuck, this guy's guilty. 0.99

02:57:52.000 Yo, did you hear the story Norton told on the podcast? 1.00

02:57:55.000 Who?

02:57:55.000 Norton had a legal issue with this guy that he criticized on the podcast.

02:58:00.000 Oh! 0.60

02:58:00.000 And he read this... 0.60

02:58:01.000 Wait, go into detail.

02:58:03.000 Go into detail.

02:58:03.000 I'm doing that.

02:58:04.000 They read the transcript during the podcast, and people were laughing, and the guy got humiliated, so he decided to settle the case.

02:58:13.000 That guy went on to shoot a judge's son.

02:58:18.000 What? 0.54

02:58:18.000 He went to the house, pretending he was like a delivery guy, and shot the son of this judge that he was trying to kill the judge. 0.54

02:58:26.000 And then she got away or she wasn't there.

02:58:28.000 I don't remember what happened.

02:58:29.000 But this is the same guy that Norton was involved in a lawsuit with for making fun of.

02:58:34.000 He was a woman's advocate or a man's advocate.

02:58:39.000 Men's rights advocate.

02:58:41.000 So I think he's the same person that protested Eliza, if I'm not mistaken.

02:58:46.000 For what?

02:58:46.000 For having an all-female show for a woman?

02:58:49.000 Suspect in fatal shooting at home of Judge Esther Salas described himself as an anti-feminist lawyer once argued a case before the judge.

02:58:58.000 Oh, Jesus.

02:58:59.000 Esther's a female in the name. 0.97

02:59:00.000 Yeah, well, she was a female judge. 1.00

02:59:02.000 He showed up at her house and fucking killed her son. 1.00

02:59:06.000 It's so crazy, man. 1.00

02:59:07.000 That's really scary.

02:59:08.000 Yeah.

02:59:09.000 That's terrible.

02:59:09.000 I love that Norman, or that Jim Norton is happy.

02:59:14.000 I'm glad you love that he's happy.

02:59:15.000 I love it.

02:59:16.000 I love it.

02:59:17.000 I love seeing him happy, man.

02:59:18.000 It makes me so happy.

02:59:20.000 Another glass of water for you?

02:59:22.000 I was worried you were going to go piss in that.

02:59:24.000 Yeah, Jesus Christ. 1.00

02:59:25.000 Guys, grow the fuck up. 1.00

02:59:27.000 Whoa, grow the fuck up. 1.00

02:59:28.000 How weird. 0.99

02:59:29.000 You look kind of like Bobby Fischer.

02:59:31.000 What a weird thing to say.

02:59:31.000 Everybody pees.

02:59:32.000 With a solid glass of piss right next to your right arm. 0.97

02:59:36.000 Yeah. 0.56

02:59:37.000 The thing he's doing with his wife on YouTube?

02:59:42.000 Yeah.

02:59:43.000 I love it.

02:59:44.000 I'm glad you love it.

02:59:45.000 I love it, man.

02:59:45.000 I love, I love, I'll say this out loud, I love seeing people succeed.

02:59:53.000 I love seeing people win.

02:59:55.000 I love flowers.

02:59:56.000 Jim's underrated.

02:59:59.000 Hardcore.

02:59:59.000 He's underrated.

03:00:00.000 He's one of the best comics of our generation.

03:00:02.000 His heyday on Opie and Anthony.

03:00:05.000 He made Opie and Anthony.

03:00:06.000 He made it.

03:00:07.000 That's an understatement right there.

03:00:09.000 He made it.

03:00:09.000 It was weird to me that it was Opie and Anthony and Jim was on it.

03:00:13.000 I was like, it seems kind of weird.

03:00:14.000 I think they had their show for years before.

03:00:16.000 I know.

03:00:17.000 It wasn't what it was until Jim showed up.

03:00:20.000 Yeah.

03:00:20.000 They were in Boston.

03:00:21.000 They would never have had the comedians they had.

03:00:24.000 I mean, respectfully, I love Opie and Anthony.

03:00:26.000 I love those guys.

03:00:26.000 I was a fan of the show.

03:00:28.000 But that group of comics that was on it, the reason this podcast is what it is today, in all fairness, is because of that fucking show, but it's also because of Jim. 0.91

03:00:38.000 Yeah, it's because that show gave people the opportunity to just hang out. 0.89

03:00:42.000 And I remember when Ari and I used to do it in the early days, it was just like, this is a place where you could just hang out with comics.

03:00:47.000 There was no script.

03:00:48.000 There was no script. 1.00

03:00:49.000 They just allowed us to fuck around. 0.98

03:00:50.000 And also, they were cool about, like, you were a headliner and a name, and they were like, who's this? 0.99

03:00:54.000 Like, is it my opener?

03:00:55.000 Is it a comic?

03:00:56.000 Give him a mic.

03:00:56.000 Yeah, I would tell them, I got a funny guy who's coming with me.

03:01:00.000 I'm going to bring him in.

03:01:00.000 They'd be like, cool, perfect.

03:01:02.000 Tommy.

03:01:02.000 Tommy's one of those guys.

03:01:03.000 I bombed so hard on that show.

03:01:04.000 Really?

03:01:04.000 How'd you bomb?

03:01:05.000 I was totally not ready for it.

03:01:08.000 I was not a fan of the show.

03:01:10.000 Oh, you didn't know?

03:01:11.000 I knew about the show, but I didn't listen to it.

03:01:14.000 I didn't know about it.

03:01:15.000 Oh, no.

03:01:16.000 And I went in there, and I said a couple words, and I just kind of sat in the pocket.

03:01:21.000 And then Ricky Gervais came in.

03:01:23.000 Oh, wow.

03:01:24.000 And then I started talking to Ricky as the show was going on.

03:01:28.000 Just like, hey, what's going on?

03:01:30.000 I was like, I'll do that episode.

03:01:32.000 Oh no, while the show was happening?

03:01:34.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

03:01:34.000 Did you realize your mic was on?

03:01:35.000 Eh, kinda. 0.99

03:01:37.000 And then Ricky and I just kept talking and then I'd look over and I'd see the guys like, What are you fucking doing? 0.96

03:01:46.000 You might be the most epically, in retrospect, horrific comic to ever do radio. 0.98

03:01:52.000 What?

03:01:53.000 Without a doubt. 0.98

03:01:54.000 Because Tom has never given a fuck about anything ever in his life. 0.99

03:01:57.000 Ever. 0.93

03:01:58.000 So when you did Bob and Tom, they'd write out your things you want to say, and Tom was like, I'll just figure it out. 0.99

03:02:04.000 You never gave a fuck. 0.98

03:02:07.000 They asked me to do that, too. 0.99

03:02:08.000 I'm like, I'm not doing that.

03:02:09.000 The producers got really upset.

03:02:11.000 They upset, like...

03:02:13.000 And I go, we're going to figure it out.

03:02:15.000 I'm not that kind of comic.

03:02:17.000 They didn't like it.

03:02:18.000 This is nonsense.

03:02:18.000 You're doing some 1985 nonsense.

03:02:21.000 They didn't like that at all.

03:02:22.000 And this is not 1985. Get out of here.

03:02:24.000 They were nice, but they were...

03:02:25.000 Tom was doing that before anyone else.

03:02:28.000 Like, with absolute love. 0.99

03:02:30.000 When you see all the comics coming on and fucking up radio and TV that they're doing now, it's a little bit based on the fact that you really did not give a fuck. 0.99

03:02:40.000 Hang on. 0.99

03:02:42.000 A lot of guys didn't.

03:02:43.000 Including Tracy Morgan.

03:02:44.000 Tracy Morgan, hold on. 1.00

03:02:46.000 Tracy Morgan's better than anyone.

03:02:47.000 He was slapping Bunny out his belly.

03:02:49.000 He was like, someone's getting pregnant.

03:02:51.000 Someone's getting pregnant. 1.00

03:02:52.000 He would be slapping his belly.

03:02:53.000 That's my main call.

03:02:54.000 My philosophy on it was basically...

03:02:57.000 I think podcasts, radio, television all can go really well based on the host's interest. 0.98

03:03:05.000 And so what I had was I had a real personal fuck you to a host that was like, I don't really care who you are or what you're doing here. 0.97

03:03:18.000 This is what we do. 0.99

03:03:19.000 And so if they were like, you're at the club this week?

03:03:22.000 I would go, yeah.

03:03:24.000 And then they were like, be funny. 1.00

03:03:26.000 I'd be like, why don't you go suck your fucking mom's dick? 1.00

03:03:30.000 And then they would go like, what's happening? 1.00

03:03:32.000 That's a business partner right there.

03:03:33.000 So that's why you came out with DJ Dad Mouth?

03:03:36.000 That was why DJ Dad Mouth came out.

03:03:38.000 So it came out to this specific person?

03:03:40.000 That came out just because I was like, I don't want to do this.

03:03:44.000 Morning TV never did anything.

03:03:45.000 I don't want to do this.

03:03:46.000 It never helped.

03:03:47.000 Only contractually obligated?

03:03:50.000 What they would end up doing is, the funny bones would go, hey, if you would do this, we bring people every week.

03:03:58.000 No matter whether they're big or small, selling tickets or not.

03:04:02.000 So when I started to sell tickets, they'd be like, oh, your shows are sold out this week.

03:04:06.000 I'd be like, cool.

03:04:07.000 And you're doing Good Morning Hartford tomorrow.

03:04:09.000 And I'd be like, why?

03:04:10.000 And they're like, because we do it every week.

03:04:12.000 And I'd go, but it's not to sell tickets, right?

03:04:15.000 Because the tickets are sold.

03:04:16.000 It's just to promote the club.

03:04:18.000 Yeah, so they're like, no, but get up at 5 and go do it.

03:04:21.000 And I'm like, all right.

03:04:22.000 So that kind of came from that.

03:04:24.000 But before that, I'm saying, even like I did Kimmel last night, When you go there, you do a pre-interview with a producer, it still rides on the fact that he's engaged and wants it to go well.

03:04:38.000 And he totally was, and it was really fun, and it went well.

03:04:43.000 But in the radio days, a lot of times those radio hosts Sometimes there's like the Philly guys, Preston and Steve.

03:04:50.000 Preston and Steve are good.

03:04:51.000 So they come in, like you come in and they're like, they know questions, they know what you've been doing.

03:04:57.000 So that makes the experience fun.

03:04:59.000 They're fun.

03:04:59.000 They're happy to see you.

03:05:00.000 They're great.

03:05:01.000 But you go into places where they're just like, they're literally like, you're born in Cincinnati?

03:05:05.000 And you go...

03:05:06.000 Yeah.

03:05:07.000 And they'll go...

03:05:08.000 Trying to lead you.

03:05:09.000 Yeah, so tell us something about that.

03:05:11.000 And you're like, what?

03:05:13.000 So...

03:05:13.000 It's a place.

03:05:15.000 I didn't go...

03:05:15.000 It's in Ohio.

03:05:16.000 If I left that place and you, the host, were like, I didn't really like you, I'd be like, I don't give a shit that you don't like me. 1.00

03:05:22.000 I'm not here to fucking dance with you, man. 1.00

03:05:24.000 You have ridden that horse into the grave. 0.99

03:05:26.000 I love that about you, is that you gotta remember, this was before...

03:05:29.000 When you were doing that...

03:05:32.000 The only white, no one white person was doing that. 0.99

03:05:36.000 Tracy Morgan, as a famous person, would go in and be wild on things, and everyone would fucking love it. 0.98

03:05:42.000 We'd share it with each other. 0.65

03:05:43.000 Yeah, Tracy was the best. 0.95

03:05:43.000 Tom was doing it in earnest. 0.95

03:05:47.000 Like, fuck off. 1.00

03:05:48.000 I knew at the same time I was going to the same places and being like, oh god, please play a Tracy Morgan one. 1.00

03:05:57.000 Look at me on that.

03:05:58.000 I'm handsome.

03:06:00.000 Now I can see why I got so many kids.

03:06:03.000 Texas El Paso, I'm telling you, man, I went to Jaguars last night.

03:06:06.000 I love my ladies here. 1.00

03:06:07.000 Oh, wow.

03:06:08.000 Oh, my God.

03:06:09.000 Yeah, so again, not family.

03:06:10.000 Somebody gonna get pregnant. 1.00

03:06:11.000 Somebody gonna get pregnant while I'm in town. 1.00

03:06:13.000 Two days, watch.

03:06:15.000 Two days, somebody gonna get pregnant. 1.00

03:06:17.000 So, yeah, Trace.

03:06:19.000 It's always these guys, you know?

03:06:21.000 It's the same guy in every market.

03:06:22.000 Oh, boy.

03:06:23.000 But they're loving it.

03:06:24.000 They're loving it.

03:06:24.000 And Tom would go in and do that.

03:06:26.000 But he would do it his own way, you know? 0.99

03:06:28.000 And it was so fucking...

03:06:31.000 Awesome, man. 1.00

03:06:32.000 Because so many of us, myself included, would just suck a dick and be like, No, I disagree. 1.00

03:06:40.000 What you would do is you would go in with fun energy and you go, I'm going to make this fun. 1.00

03:06:45.000 I would drink on those.

03:06:47.000 You go, yeah, bloat in his eyes.

03:06:50.000 You go, I'd make fun.

03:06:51.000 Get out of here.

03:06:53.000 I got a hard month coming.

03:06:55.000 What's your hard month?

03:06:56.000 We're celebrating Tommy.

03:06:58.000 What?

03:06:59.000 In February?

03:07:00.000 Yeah. 1.00

03:07:01.000 Fuck, don't bring it to me. 1.00

03:07:03.000 We're trying to do in February. 1.00

03:07:04.000 I'm doing stuff. 0.99

03:07:05.000 I was trying to move to London to let those bitches know. 1.00

03:07:08.000 Hey, are you guys going to run our 5K? Wait, is it a specific place or just wherever you are? 0.98

03:07:14.000 I want to bike it.

03:07:15.000 5K by May.

03:07:16.000 Where is it?

03:07:17.000 Jelly Roll's doing it.

03:07:18.000 Cam Haynes is doing it.

03:07:19.000 Is it a specific place or just anywhere?

03:07:21.000 We're going to do a 5K. Where?

03:07:23.000 We're picking a spot.

03:07:24.000 We haven't announced it yet.

03:07:26.000 Let's do it in Australia.

03:07:27.000 Louie's doing it.

03:07:28.000 Great call.

03:07:29.000 Stavi's doing it.

03:07:30.000 They're all going to run.

03:07:31.000 Tim Dillon's doing it.

03:07:32.000 No, Tim Dillon's not.

03:07:33.000 Tim Dillon's not going to. 0.94

03:07:34.000 You're trying to kill him right now. 0.56

03:07:36.000 Tim Dillon's going to have a headache. 0.97

03:07:38.000 Tim Dillon's not doing it.

03:07:39.000 Tim Dillon's doing it.

03:07:40.000 Tim Dillon's planning on doing it.

03:07:41.000 Tim Dillon's not doing it.

03:07:43.000 Shane Gillis is doing it.

03:07:44.000 Louis C.K. is doing it.

03:07:46.000 That's three and a half miles.

03:07:47.000 They're not doing it.

03:07:48.000 It says 3.1, buddy.

03:07:49.000 Tim Dillon's not doing it.

03:07:51.000 He said he would.

03:07:52.000 It's great.

03:07:53.000 Is there a first place prize?

03:07:55.000 That was funny.

03:07:56.000 No, it's just completed, I think.

03:07:57.000 I just remembered the best radio one was when I went in.

03:08:02.000 Do you ever have somebody and they go, sit here, and they're doing a thing.

03:08:06.000 Just waiting?

03:08:07.000 Yeah, just waiting.

03:08:08.000 We're coming back from break.

03:08:11.000 All right.

03:08:11.000 So then they walk you in the room and they sit you here.

03:08:14.000 Then the guy could not be less interested.

03:08:16.000 He's like reading the paper.

03:08:18.000 What radio station?

03:08:19.000 Tell it.

03:08:20.000 Tell it.

03:08:21.000 It's in the Northeast.

03:08:22.000 It's a long time ago.

03:08:22.000 But he goes, all right, we'll be back from the break in 30 seconds.

03:08:27.000 And I go, okay.

03:08:28.000 He goes, then just take over.

03:08:30.000 And I go, what?

03:08:31.000 He goes, just take over.

03:08:32.000 And I go, what are you talking about?

03:08:34.000 He goes, it's just your show.

03:08:36.000 You have shows this weekend.

03:08:37.000 Just do whatever you want to do.

03:08:38.000 And I go, I'm not going to do anything.

03:08:39.000 And then it's like 10 seconds.

03:08:40.000 He's like, what do you mean you're not going to do anything?

03:08:41.000 I go, I'm not going to do anything. 0.99

03:08:43.000 I go, if you don't ask me something, I'm not gonna say a single fucking word. 0.98

03:08:46.000 And he goes, uh... 0.99

03:08:48.000 Then he goes, uh...

03:08:49.000 All respect, he goes, uh...

03:08:51.000 Bobby Lee was here last week, and he took all his clothes off.

03:08:54.000 I go, how'd that play on radio? 0.99

03:08:56.000 Was that a fucking hit for your audience? 0.99

03:09:00.000 And then it was like, you're on. 1.00

03:09:01.000 And this guy was fucking scrambling. 0.99

03:09:04.000 Like, freaking out. 0.99

03:09:05.000 He read my fake bio.

03:09:08.000 Fake bio?

03:09:08.000 I had a fake bio.

03:09:09.000 Yeah, that's his internet.

03:09:11.000 Footprint.

03:09:11.000 So it was all like made up and it was like, you played for the Bengals?

03:09:15.000 And I was like, yeah.

03:09:18.000 So he's asking me all the fake questions and he starts sweating.

03:09:22.000 He starts sweating and he has his co-host who doesn't know how to also navigate.

03:09:27.000 But they were just, to me, they embodied like lazy, disinterested.

03:09:32.000 And, you know, they were like unhappy in this market doing what they do, and they were just like, take over. 1.00

03:09:37.000 And I was like, fuck you. 1.00

03:09:39.000 It's the best thing about him. 1.00

03:09:41.000 I would have scrambled. 1.00

03:09:41.000 He really doesn't give a fuck. 1.00

03:09:42.000 You just go, no, that's not cool. 0.99

03:09:44.000 You realize how many times, me and you, maybe, I'm saying maybe not me and you, but like, just went in and did the dance.

03:09:52.000 And that's why... 0.99

03:09:54.000 I look up to you because it's the coolest thing about you is that you really don't give a fuck. 0.99

03:10:00.000 That is nice. 0.99

03:10:01.000 It's so cool to not give a fuck. 0.99

03:10:04.000 It's so sexy. 0.99

03:10:05.000 Like, it's not... 1.00

03:10:06.000 When you give a fuck, it's a little sad sometimes. 1.00

03:10:09.000 I think I give a fuck about certain things. 1.00

03:10:11.000 You don't give a fuck. 1.00

03:10:12.000 Yeah, yeah, right. 1.00

03:10:13.000 But what you don't give a fuck about... 0.97

03:10:14.000 Tom, I don't know if you've read your comments. 1.00

03:10:15.000 You do not give a fuck. 1.00

03:10:17.000 You do not give a fuck. 1.00

03:10:19.000 You give the perfect amount of fucks. 1.00

03:10:21.000 I think it's like a balance. 0.99

03:10:22.000 It's the right balance.

03:10:24.000 No, it's detrimental.

03:10:25.000 To what?

03:10:26.000 To him.

03:10:27.000 How so? 1.00

03:10:27.000 If I read his comments, I'd be like, start giving a fuck. 1.00

03:10:30.000 Yeah, but who's writing those comments? 0.99

03:10:31.000 You can't read comments.

03:10:32.000 I do.

03:10:33.000 The people that are writing them, you get a disproportionate amount of failures.

03:10:37.000 You're getting a disproportionate amount of people that are just—yeah, for sure.

03:10:42.000 But it's not—if you're trying to get like a control study of the population, general population, if you're doing a pharmaceutical study, you have a bunch of old people, a bunch of young people, different walks of life.

03:10:53.000 You're going to do it right.

03:10:54.000 You do it with a bunch of biological variability.

03:10:57.000 The variability of people that are wanting to comment negatively online is like, you can find those people. 0.99

03:11:04.000 They don't have their shit together. 0.99

03:11:06.000 That's the people with dizziness. 1.00

03:11:07.000 Some of them are kids.

03:11:08.000 Just ignore them.

03:11:09.000 A lot of them are kids.

03:11:10.000 Look at the positive ones.

03:11:11.000 They're real young.

03:11:12.000 Some of them, they think it's fun.

03:11:14.000 They're trying to get a reaction.

03:11:15.000 They don't know what to do. 1.00

03:11:16.000 They just try to shit on you and see if you respond. 1.00

03:11:19.000 It's a nonsense way to communicate. 1.00

03:11:22.000 You don't know who they are.

03:11:23.000 You don't know what their background is.

03:11:25.000 You don't know whether their opinion is valid.

03:11:27.000 You're accepting negativity and human beings have a natural propensity to look towards negative things because your brain is programmed to look for intruders and dangerous things.

03:11:37.000 So you could look at 100 people in your village that you love, but you see one person that doesn't love you that's standing on a hillside 50 yards away and you get scared.

03:11:46.000 Sure. 1.00

03:11:47.000 Like, oh shit. 1.00

03:11:48.000 What's that? 1.00

03:11:48.000 And that's what that is. 1.00

03:11:49.000 That's what comments are.

03:11:51.000 You're hijacking your natural system.

03:11:54.000 That's why I love them.

03:11:54.000 I think even the positive ones are better.

03:11:55.000 That's why I love them.

03:11:56.000 No, no, no.

03:11:57.000 Because I remember there was a time I was getting negative. 0.99

03:12:01.000 When the movie came out, I was getting a lot of negative shit. 0.98

03:12:04.000 And I texted Tommy. 0.98

03:12:06.000 I was like, can you just take a look at it and see if it's real?

03:12:08.000 You know, because I can't look at it. 0.96

03:12:10.000 It fucks me up. 0.95

03:12:12.000 So I just stopped looking at it. 0.94

03:12:13.000 I hired someone to do it for me.

03:12:14.000 But I don't trust them.

03:12:16.000 I don't trust them.

03:12:17.000 No, no, no, no, no.

03:12:18.000 Just to monitor them.

03:12:20.000 And then Tommy read them and he's like, that's actually kind of sweet.

03:12:25.000 You're like, it's not that bad.

03:12:27.000 And I was like, oh, for real?

03:12:28.000 And he's like, yeah, I love that. 0.97

03:12:31.000 You're gonna have a certain amount of people that fucking hate everything. 0.99

03:12:35.000 Because you're big. 0.99

03:12:36.000 Like we were talking in the green room the other night.

03:12:38.000 I was talking about this person who wrote this...

03:12:40.000 They were talking about an all-time great guitarist.

03:12:43.000 And they said Hendrix was mostly noise.

03:12:45.000 Yeah. 0.99

03:12:46.000 That is the craziest fucking thing I've ever heard anybody say. 0.99

03:12:49.000 That's trying to be abrasive. 0.99

03:12:50.000 It's like, no, you like him, you just don't like him as much as everyone else does.

03:12:53.000 No, it's just a contrarian perspective.

03:12:56.000 A lot of people like to do that, too.

03:12:58.000 Yeah. 1.00

03:12:58.000 This guy sucks. 1.00

03:12:59.000 They don't suck. 1.00

03:13:01.000 You think they're a B+. And it's also fun. 0.96

03:13:03.000 Don't you think it's fun sometimes just to provoke?

03:13:06.000 Yeah, it is.

03:13:07.000 No, not me, not me.

03:13:09.000 Definitely you are.

03:13:10.000 Yeah, it's fun.

03:13:10.000 Yeah, you're number one at that.

03:13:11.000 You love it.

03:13:12.000 Just to provoke.

03:13:13.000 Just like, let me get a rise out of you. 0.91

03:13:14.000 Yeah, it's a fun way to initiate a conversation.

03:13:17.000 Yeah, not me.

03:13:19.000 I like, I just, I cruise by.

03:13:23.000 Try to keep my head down.

03:13:25.000 Read those comments, huh?

03:13:26.000 No.

03:13:26.000 Yes, you do.

03:13:27.000 You just said you do.

03:13:27.000 No, no, no, no.

03:13:28.000 I read Tommy's comments.

03:13:29.000 I read Tommy's comments.

03:13:30.000 You don't read yours?

03:13:31.000 No, I do not.

03:13:32.000 Not ever?

03:13:33.000 Never.

03:13:33.000 Every now and then.

03:13:34.000 Never. 0.99

03:13:35.000 Late at night, taking a shit, three in the morning. 0.99

03:13:38.000 Never. 1.00

03:13:38.000 Shut up. 1.00

03:13:39.000 Never read yours? 1.00

03:13:39.000 I never. 1.00

03:13:40.000 I'm pretty happy about this post.

03:13:42.000 Let me see if it's positive.

03:13:44.000 Let me see if people have a good thing to say.

03:13:46.000 No.

03:13:47.000 So wait, why would you believe I didn't?

03:13:49.000 Because I'm different than you.

03:13:51.000 How so?

03:13:51.000 Don't you think?

03:13:53.000 Nope.

03:13:54.000 You think we're the same?

03:13:55.000 I think we're so similar.

03:13:56.000 That's fascinating.

03:13:57.000 Buddy, me and you, if we slept in bed together, we'd fight over the sheets.

03:14:02.000 I don't think so.

03:14:03.000 I'm not a sheet fighter.

03:14:05.000 I would want you to have an equitable amount of the sheets.

03:14:09.000 I would assume there's enough sheets for two people.

03:14:12.000 You're a twin.

03:14:13.000 You have to identify with me a little bit. 0.90

03:14:16.000 I know I drive you nuts.

03:14:17.000 That's interesting.

03:14:18.000 I know I drive you nuts at times.

03:14:20.000 How do you guys feel about what he's saying?

03:14:23.000 We're the same thing?

03:14:26.000 I think there's similarities in everyone, but I think you're pretty different people.

03:14:32.000 As far removed as can stay in my friend group, I told you what I think.

03:14:44.000 Can I tell you how I feel about you?

03:14:45.000 Can I tell you how I feel about you?

03:14:47.000 Can I tell you how I feel about you?

03:14:51.000 When Nate Diaz says, I didn't get bullied, I had a big brother.

03:14:57.000 I think you're my big brother.

03:14:58.000 Aw, sweetie. 0.97

03:14:59.000 I do.

03:14:59.000 I feel like I have a big brother.

03:15:01.000 I've said that to you and I've said that to you.

03:15:03.000 I think you guys approach things very differently.

03:15:06.000 We do. 1.00

03:15:06.000 And I think I drive you fucking nuts. 1.00

03:15:08.000 No, you don't. 1.00

03:15:09.000 I have to.

03:15:10.000 I know I drive you me nuts.

03:15:11.000 He drove me nuts during Sober October.

03:15:13.000 You bring out his competitive spirit. 1.00

03:15:15.000 There's a fucking monster in there. 1.00

03:15:17.000 You let him out of the cage. 1.00

03:15:19.000 But I love your monster. 0.92

03:15:20.000 Yeah. 0.98

03:15:21.000 Like the way a younger brother would like Needling his big brother, I like your monster.

03:15:26.000 Here's the big, one of the big things I think that's super different is that he approaches things of like, all right, if I want to be proficient at this thing, I'm going to do it every day because that's how you get good, the consistency and the discipline.

03:15:42.000 And you go, you know what? 0.99

03:15:45.000 I think I can wing this shit. 1.00

03:15:46.000 I'm pretty good at it. 0.99

03:15:47.000 And that's one of the big philosophical differences of how you approach life.

03:15:51.000 Yeah.

03:15:52.000 But I listen to your podcast all the time.

03:15:55.000 He does not.

03:15:56.000 And I love the way your brain thinks.

03:15:58.000 I would never listen to my podcast.

03:16:00.000 But I like the way your brain thinks.

03:16:02.000 I'm just curious.

03:16:03.000 That's the way my brain thinks.

03:16:05.000 I'm always just trying to figure out why I think what I think and why this other person thinks what they think.

03:16:10.000 That's what I'm doing.

03:16:11.000 But I do the same in a flip-flop.

03:16:14.000 Like, I like the way your brain thinks, but it's not the way my brain thinks.

03:16:17.000 I have no discipline.

03:16:18.000 I don't like discipline.

03:16:19.000 One of the cool things about hanging out with different walks of life, you obviously become very successful with claiming you have no discipline.

03:16:25.000 You do have some discipline.

03:16:27.000 You work out all the time.

03:16:28.000 You know in secret time that I lean on you in times of real need?

03:16:34.000 Like, when I was with my cardiologist and I was like, hey man, I'm lost.

03:16:38.000 I don't know what to do.

03:16:38.000 And you were like, carnivore.

03:16:41.000 And so I do that.

03:16:43.000 I do that.

03:16:44.000 The problem is, and I would say this honestly just to Ari privately, but like...

03:16:50.000 We knew you before you were you.

03:16:54.000 Like, we knew you before this thing.

03:16:56.000 So like, I know you.

03:16:59.000 And I know who you've become.

03:17:01.000 And I obviously respect that.

03:17:04.000 I really do.

03:17:05.000 But like, my Joe guy I knew...

03:17:09.000 Is you.

03:17:10.000 Is you.

03:17:11.000 Right, but I don't think I've changed that much.

03:17:14.000 No, it's a perception of you that's changed.

03:17:16.000 Yeah.

03:17:16.000 And so everyone else falls into that with a lot of famous people.

03:17:19.000 They fall into what they think of someone, and so they don't get treated as who they really are.

03:17:23.000 I think I've improved my perspective on things and the way I treat people.

03:17:28.000 But you've grown, and you're a better person.

03:17:30.000 I mean, honestly, you're an amazing person, but...

03:17:34.000 I will always know you as the dude that walked me into his house.

03:17:38.000 I will never know you as this thing. 0.99

03:17:40.000 Like, this thing is pretty fucking insane. 0.85

03:17:43.000 It's just, like, cool for you, but that's not... 0.61

03:17:45.000 But my version of it is fairly small.

03:17:48.000 You've been pretty good at keeping your head straight.

03:17:50.000 Because I hang around the same people, I go to the club, I go to home, I work out, I do all the things I have to do.

03:17:57.000 It's not just that.

03:17:58.000 I have new friends. 0.99

03:17:59.000 It's just, like, I fucking torture myself. 0.98

03:18:02.000 So my perspective is balanced. 0.98

03:18:05.000 The worst thing that happens during my day is probably not as bad as what I've done to myself.

03:18:10.000 So I go into every day with a baseline. 1.00

03:18:13.000 I can handle shit. 0.99

03:18:15.000 That hasn't changed in you at all. 1.00

03:18:17.000 No, it's the best way to regulate things.

03:18:19.000 Like what Henry Rollins was saying in that essay, it's the best way to regulate things.

03:18:23.000 It's the best way to keep a perspective on things.

03:18:26.000 You don't want to become a tyrant.

03:18:28.000 You don't want to become enamored with power and enamored with influence.

03:18:33.000 I'm not interested in that.

03:18:34.000 You're not a guy who says, do you know who I am?

03:18:36.000 I'm not interested in that at all.

03:18:37.000 But you don't need to.

03:18:38.000 I say that.

03:18:38.000 If you don't know who I am, I'm happy.

03:18:42.000 I'd love to talk to a dude who doesn't know me.

03:18:44.000 That's gonna be shocking.

03:18:45.000 It's gonna be shocking.

03:18:45.000 Oh my god, it'd be fun.

03:18:46.000 Talk to someone else.

03:18:47.000 When was the last time you had that?

03:18:49.000 Or someone was like, what do you do for a living? 0.98

03:18:52.000 I don't know, because sometimes people bullshit you. 0.98

03:18:54.000 It's great. 0.97

03:18:55.000 Sometimes people pretend they don't know who you are.

03:18:57.000 Tommy's got friends that I've met that go, what do you do for a living? 0.98

03:18:59.000 And I get fucking angry. 0.85

03:19:02.000 And I go, how do you not know who I am? 0.99

03:19:05.000 The dentist or whatever the guy lives next door to you?

03:19:08.000 Yeah.

03:19:09.000 He's like, so what do you do for a living? 1.00

03:19:11.000 Fucking shut down. 1.00

03:19:13.000 I had this fancy lunch once with Eric Von Daniken. 1.00

03:19:17.000 I love it.

03:19:18.000 Eric Weinstein invited me to this lunch with Eric Von Daniken.

03:19:22.000 Eric Von Daniken is the one who wrote The Chariots of the Gods. 0.99

03:19:25.000 He wrote that book about ancient aliens coming down here and building the pyramids and all this wild shit. 0.97

03:19:31.000 And he knew I knew everything about this guy. 0.98

03:19:36.000 I knew everything about his book.

03:19:37.000 I watched his documentary multiple times.

03:19:40.000 I've seen all the criticisms about it.

03:19:42.000 I want to have this conversation with him and find out why he thinks the way he thinks.

03:19:45.000 But when he said, what do you do for a living?

03:19:47.000 Because he didn't know who I was.

03:19:49.000 I was like, I'm a comedian.

03:19:50.000 And Weinstein started laughing.

03:19:53.000 And he goes, well, he's, you know, I go, I'm a comedian.

03:19:57.000 And he started explaining the podcast and all that different stuff, but I was like, just tell me what you think.

03:20:02.000 Tell me what you think and why you think.

03:20:03.000 But if you ask me what I do...

03:20:05.000 It's going to change the answer.

03:20:06.000 Yeah.

03:20:07.000 It's also, it's like, I like that he didn't know who I was.

03:20:09.000 Like, this is wonderful.

03:20:10.000 This is wonderful.

03:20:11.000 This is a nice conversation.

03:20:13.000 Totally.

03:20:13.000 And respectfully, why do you believe this?

03:20:16.000 And why do you ignore all the evidence that seems to lean to an advanced civilization that built this?

03:20:23.000 We have a rebuilding of advanced civilizations today.

03:20:26.000 That's much more plausible.

03:20:28.000 But his whole business is sort of...

03:20:31.000 Once you have an initial assertion, you write a book about it, you make a documentary about it, everybody's gonna say, like, that's...

03:20:36.000 You can't change your opinion.

03:20:38.000 Because that book's still on the shelf. 1.00

03:20:40.000 I bought your fucking book! 1.00

03:20:42.000 Your book's bullshit! 1.00

03:20:43.000 The book's what I thought back then. 1.00

03:20:45.000 I didn't know any better.

03:20:46.000 Right.

03:20:48.000 But that was a good one.

03:20:49.000 It's fun meeting somebody and you don't know who they are?

03:20:51.000 I knew everything about him.

03:20:53.000 I had studied him for so long.

03:20:58.000 I had watched his film multiple times.

03:21:01.000 Because his film asks real questions. 0.99

03:21:03.000 Like, how the fuck did they do this? 1.00

03:21:05.000 There's some stones in Lebanon and some fucking crazy quarried stones. 1.00

03:21:12.000 Like, how the fuck were they planning on moving this? 0.99

03:21:15.000 Well, they had abandoned the stone because there was a crack in it, and so they moved on. 0.96

03:21:18.000 So they have the evidence of how they actually quarried these things in some places.

03:21:21.000 I don't understand all those ancient structures.

03:21:25.000 When you think about what it takes, how we build things today, and you see these things built...

03:21:29.000 And it's like a hundred thousand pound stone.

03:21:32.000 It's the best evidence that people were more advanced back then.

03:21:35.000 Exactly.

03:21:36.000 And then you go, and not only is it like together, whereas it's seamless between two, you can't put a piece of paper between them.

03:21:43.000 It's all aqueducts.

03:21:44.000 What they did...

03:21:46.000 What they did was probably follow a line of innovation that's different from the line we followed.

03:21:54.000 One that we can't really relate to.

03:21:56.000 We followed combustion engines, industrial evolution, manufacturing at a large scale.

03:22:03.000 That's what we followed.

03:22:04.000 What they followed is probably something very different.

03:22:06.000 It probably had to do with frequencies and sound and how you could bore through stone.

03:22:14.000 They had diamond drills. 0.99

03:22:15.000 Do you think if they saw our stuff, they'd be like, what the fuck? 0.99

03:22:18.000 Yeah, they'd probably be like, weird out by the internet. 0.98

03:22:20.000 If they didn't have it.

03:22:21.000 But the thing is, if you have electronics and you leave them on the ground, they don't exist in a hundred years.

03:22:28.000 They will get absorbed by the earth.

03:22:29.000 Within a thousand years, there's no trace.

03:22:32.000 You'll find the minerals that are in the batteries and all that stuff, that'll all break down.

03:22:37.000 There'll be nothing left.

03:22:39.000 If you watched buildings that were in Detroit that people abandoned, and you see trees growing through those buildings, quickly, man.

03:22:49.000 Houses, cars, you see a car that gets left in the woods?

03:22:52.000 It just gets broken down to rust and within a thousand years there will be nothing. 0.93

03:22:58.000 So if there was some shit that existed, like the conventional dating of the Great Pyramid is 2500 BC. That's under heavy speculation. 0.89

03:23:08.000 The real belief is that it's probably the guys from John Anthony West and Graham Hancock and Randall Carlson They point towards a possibility of a super sophisticated civilization more than 11,000 BC. See, I think that's the thing that I've never really considered.

03:23:26.000 No, really considered is that you always go, oh, they had like an archaic system that just worked, right?

03:23:32.000 Like levees and...

03:23:34.000 No.

03:23:35.000 You know what I mean?

03:23:35.000 What if they had like full electronics and like ray guns and stuff?

03:23:37.000 I never considered that. 1.00

03:23:38.000 Never considered that shit, dude. 1.00

03:23:39.000 You think we have to be the best. 1.00

03:23:41.000 We have to be.

03:23:42.000 Instead of this, start over, this, start over, and that, start over.

03:23:45.000 They moved things that were thousands of pounds.

03:23:50.000 It's crazy.

03:23:51.000 Through the mountains.

03:23:52.000 If another 500 years passed from here, how much technology will advance?

03:23:55.000 If that all gets wiped out, it'll get started over, and we'll be at our level, and they'll be like, well, they were the best advance.

03:24:01.000 I'm the same way as you.

03:24:01.000 It doesn't make sense.

03:24:03.000 Exactly.

03:24:03.000 Because you think of like a hundred bodies carrying a rock.

03:24:07.000 Right.

03:24:07.000 Yeah.

03:24:08.000 If we just had to live from now on, the human race evolves from the genes of the preppers. 0.98

03:24:16.000 If that's it, preppers. 1.00

03:24:18.000 People that have fucking bunkers in their fucking backyards and canned peaches and that fucking... 1.00

03:24:24.000 Who's that religious guy that sells survival food on TV? Jim Baker. 1.00

03:24:33.000 Buckets of survival food.

03:24:35.000 You could use this as a stand for your table.

03:24:38.000 They're eating at the dinner table with buckets of survival food under it.

03:24:41.000 End of time bucket prep.

03:24:42.000 Yeah.

03:24:43.000 If you're one of those dudes, man, and that's all that lives, yeah, these survival... 0.97

03:24:50.000 I mean, how long would it take if one of these dullards in the crowd, look at these dull-minded, gray-brained people? 0.99

03:24:57.000 What is the chance that those people are going to invent the fucking... 1.00

03:25:00.000 That's your joke. 0.99

03:25:01.000 If I dropped you off in the middle of the woods with a hatchet, how long until you could send me an email?

03:25:06.000 Yeah.

03:25:06.000 It would be millions of years.

03:25:09.000 If you had access to all the tools that people have ever created.

03:25:11.000 Yeah.

03:25:12.000 Look at that stone.

03:25:13.000 Where is that, Jamie?

03:25:14.000 Egypt, the unfinished obelisk.

03:25:16.000 Like, in theory, they would have taken it out of there somehow.

03:25:20.000 So there was an obelisk they cut into the stone, and they had the technology to not only cut that, but unfortunately some of that stone would crack and they would have to abandon it.

03:25:29.000 But they had to pick it up and move it hundreds of miles.

03:25:34.000 Wow.

03:25:35.000 And they did it routinely.

03:25:36.000 There's no way to, like, grasp that unless you think the technology was other level.

03:25:44.000 Not only that, dude, there's a lot of evidence that even the Great Pyramid is a more recent creation to some of the older Kingdom work.

03:25:52.000 Yeah.

03:26:14.000 And if you listen to guys like Robert Schock, who's a geologist from Boston University, he studied the erosion marks on the outside of the Temple of the Sphinx.

03:26:22.000 He said this is indicative of thousands of years of rainfall that created this.

03:26:26.000 That's the way you get these kind of fissures in the stones.

03:26:29.000 The only time there was rainfall in the Nile Valley was like 9000 BC. So you gotta go back thousands of years that predate that because you have thousands of years of rainfall.

03:26:42.000 Wind is a rainforest. 0.97

03:26:44.000 All that area, like the Sahara Desert used to be a fucking tropical rainforest. 0.99

03:26:50.000 Wow. 0.99

03:26:52.000 Like all this shit happened before we were fucking driving diesel trucks and coal plants. 1.00

03:27:00.000 The world has been in a constant state of flux forever. 0.99

03:27:04.000 And that area where they initially established the kingdom of where Giza was and Cairo is and all those areas, that area was lush with resources.

03:27:15.000 That's probably why they advanced there for so long. 0.81

03:27:18.000 They did some wild shit in this one area that there's wild structures all over the earth that they found. 0.98

03:27:25.000 Nothing compares to what they did in Africa. 1.00

03:27:28.000 Nothing, not one thing, is anything like the Great Pyramid of 2,300,000 stones.

03:27:35.000 Moved from quarries hundreds of miles away, cut in a perfect position, true north, south, east, and west. 0.98

03:27:42.000 It's fucking wild what they did. 0.95

03:27:44.000 And I think they were probably more advanced than we are. 0.99

03:27:47.000 That's what I think.

03:27:47.000 It has to be.

03:27:48.000 And when you see it firsthand, like going to Machu Picchu, you know, up in the Andes, you're like, what?

03:27:55.000 How did they build this up in the mountains?

03:27:57.000 Just imagine if everything collapsed right now, what people would be like 200 years from now. 1.00

03:28:02.000 There'd be fucking barbarians. 1.00

03:28:04.000 Totally. 1.00

03:28:05.000 There'd be walking dead.

03:28:06.000 Walking dead people.

03:28:08.000 Living in little groups and tribes trying to stay alive.

03:28:10.000 And eventually they would rebuild.

03:28:11.000 But I think it would take forever.

03:28:13.000 And I think that's what happened.

03:28:14.000 Do you ever think about that, like, you go, technology exists with the same things that were available, like...

03:28:25.000 Hundreds of years before.

03:28:26.000 Thousands of years.

03:28:27.000 Hundreds of thousand years before.

03:28:28.000 There is nothing new put here.

03:28:30.000 We just were able to develop a phone.

03:28:34.000 And every technology builds on the previous technologies.

03:28:37.000 Based on someone's invention, someone's invented this, then we go radio waves.

03:28:39.000 If they didn't tap into that, then that civilization never had radio.

03:28:42.000 So if someone invents something quicker that's different, like if someone invents nuclear fission, like way early, and everybody's like, whoa, or someone invents cold fusion, Way early.

03:28:54.000 You're like, okay, well now we've solved this energy problem.

03:28:57.000 Now we can move in a different direction.

03:28:58.000 Or stops plague early.

03:28:59.000 Yeah, early.

03:29:00.000 That allows you to burn.

03:29:01.000 Do you think all the technological stuff that has evolved is with the theory that we are borrowing from what we've taken from basically alien life leaving technology here or giving us hints?

03:29:14.000 Oh, Jesus. 0.96

03:29:14.000 No, I think the alien technology thing is fascinating, but it might be also be bullshit. 0.96

03:29:20.000 You always have to look at all these things that are public and that are talked about and the Pentagon releases things about, might be bullshit. 0.99

03:29:29.000 You always have to think it might be bullshit. 0.98

03:29:30.000 Every time I look at any phenomenon, whether it's UFOs, UAPs, whatever the fuck you want to call them, I always say to myself, if I was the military, And I had some top secret drone program that moved through a totally unique and novel propulsion system that operated on gravity. 0.99

03:29:51.000 And that we figured out how to do this so we can move it around.

03:29:53.000 And I would be testing in exactly the same places these people were testing.

03:29:59.000 They were testing in all this restricted airspace where they would run these military drills.

03:30:04.000 They did it off the East Coast and they did it off the West Coast.

03:30:07.000 So where they're seeing these things is exactly where the military runs their tests.

03:30:14.000 I would assume that if I was the military, that's how I would things.

03:30:19.000 I would hide things.

03:30:20.000 I would hide things by saying they're UFOs and saying we have no idea what this is.

03:30:25.000 And if you have top secret programs, which we 100% know they do, and if you have a theory of propulsion that's based on gravity and not on igniting combustible fluids like rocket fuel, which we definitely have, and they have had since I believe the 1950s,

03:30:41.000 they first started theorizing about magnetic propulsion systems.

03:30:47.000 They probably have been developing this forever.

03:30:49.000 They've probably been doing it in secrecy, and probably China's doing it as well, and the best way to hide it, I would imagine, would be to say that this is something from another world.

03:30:59.000 Also, we might be visited by other worlds.

03:31:03.000 Also, we might be visited by things from other dimensions.

03:31:05.000 I think it might be all the above, and I don't think you can count out any of it, just because of the fact that we know there's planets.

03:31:12.000 If we know there's planets, they're far enough away from the sun that the water doesn't boil and nothing freezes.

03:31:18.000 If they're in that Goldilocks zone, maybe life can develop.

03:31:21.000 And we know that there's a shitload of those out there.

03:31:23.000 We've found a bunch of them already.

03:31:25.000 So if they're out there, we would assume that something would be like us plus 100 years, plus 500 years. 0.95

03:31:31.000 And they would want to go to these other planets and say, look at these crazy fucks with this planet. 1.00

03:31:35.000 Flint tools trying to start fires by knocking sticks together. 0.96

03:31:40.000 And we would say, let's leave our radio.

03:31:43.000 And I think that's what they do.

03:31:45.000 And that's what this Diana Posolka was saying about researchers were describing these crashed UFOs as donations. 0.81

03:31:53.000 So if I was from somewhere else, whether it was another dimension or another planet, and I wanted to accelerate the technological innovation by these beings, I would give them fiber optics. 0.99

03:32:04.000 I'd go figure that out, crash this thing, back-engineer it, figure it out, get your brightest minds, lock everybody down, shoot everybody with a big mouth, and figure out how the fuck can make this. 0.98

03:32:15.000 And I think that's what the Bob Lazar story's all about. 0.99

03:32:18.000 Bert?

03:32:18.000 I was not listening.

03:32:20.000 I got lost.

03:32:22.000 I got lost.

03:32:23.000 Yeah.

03:32:24.000 It sounds cool.

03:32:25.000 What'd you get lost in?

03:32:26.000 Buddy, when you started with propulsion, I was like...

03:32:31.000 It's funny.

03:32:32.000 I felt like I was listening to your podcast. 1.00

03:32:33.000 I know this shit I should learn. 1.00

03:32:35.000 You are while it's happening. 1.00

03:32:37.000 I love your brain.

03:32:40.000 I just got tired.

03:32:41.000 You want to take a nap?

03:32:42.000 I'll take naps.

03:32:44.000 Winston Churchill's all about naps.

03:32:47.000 Is everybody coming to the show tonight?

03:32:49.000 Yeah.

03:32:49.000 What time of your show?

03:32:50.000 7 o'clock?

03:32:51.000 I just gotta walk the dog, yeah.

03:32:54.000 What time is it now?

03:32:55.000 5.43.

03:32:56.000 Oh, 5.43.

03:32:56.000 Six, basically.

03:32:58.000 Let's fucking go. 0.99

03:33:01.000 Let's go? 1.00

03:33:02.000 Let's fucking go. 0.99

03:33:03.000 Let's have some fun. 0.99

03:33:05.000 Denver, I'm coming.

03:33:06.000 First week of March.

03:33:07.000 7th show at it.

03:33:08.000 Bray, you look depressed.

03:33:09.000 No, not at all.

03:33:10.000 Are we going to wear this to the shows?

03:33:12.000 Yeah, let's wear it to the shows.

03:33:13.000 Let's just go right to the shows.

03:33:14.000 Are we doing a show tonight?

03:33:15.000 For real?

03:33:16.000 Yeah.

03:33:16.000 7 o'clock.

03:33:17.000 You don't want to do a show?

03:33:18.000 Sober up.

03:33:19.000 What are you talking about?

03:33:20.000 Oh, yeah, you've never done comedy drunk.

03:33:22.000 I've never done comedy drunk.

03:33:24.000 I have done comedy drunk.

03:33:25.000 You definitely have done comedy drunk.

03:33:27.000 Come a long way to admit that best.

03:33:29.000 What is that?

03:33:31.000 I've seen you fiddle with that the whole time.

03:33:33.000 That is a mammoth ivory handle for a 1911, which is a type of pistol.

03:33:40.000 Oh, it goes in like that.

03:33:41.000 Yeah, you have to get it fit for a 1911. Are we really doing a spot tonight?

03:33:46.000 What is this really?

03:33:47.000 Aren't you a professional?

03:33:49.000 It's not a big deal.

03:33:49.000 I am.

03:33:50.000 Yeah, I am. 1.00

03:33:51.000 You can come and just watch us kill or have a good fucking time. 1.00

03:33:56.000 I can't not get on stage. 1.00

03:33:58.000 How are you going to take all that shit off in the time that it takes? 0.99

03:34:00.000 It takes a second. 1.00

03:34:01.000 No, keep it on.

03:34:02.000 I start off like John Mulaney, like very tactile.

03:34:06.000 Wait, you're going to keep it on, right?

03:34:08.000 No.

03:34:08.000 No?

03:34:09.000 No, I realized in taking it off, I'm a different person with my shirt off.

03:34:14.000 Keep it on.

03:34:15.000 Keep it on.

03:34:15.000 Keep it on for the show tonight.

03:34:17.000 It's on the spot.

03:34:18.000 Listen, Clark Kent.

03:34:19.000 We're all going to wear it. 1.00

03:34:21.000 Clark Kent with your stupid glasses. 1.00

03:34:22.000 I know who you are, bitch. 1.00

03:34:23.000 Clark Kent was the alter ego. 1.00

03:34:25.000 Clark Kent with your stupid glasses. 1.00

03:34:26.000 I know. 1.00

03:34:27.000 It's Superman.

03:34:28.000 Superman's this real person.

03:34:29.000 Yeah.

03:34:30.000 Yeah, duh. 1.00

03:34:31.000 What the fuck is this guy doing? 1.00

03:34:33.000 Come on. 1.00

03:34:33.000 Don't you think I've watched the TV show? 1.00

03:34:35.000 Don't you think I've read the comic books?

03:34:37.000 Same thing with Hulk.

03:34:38.000 Come on, dude.

03:34:39.000 Yeah, what are you saying?

03:34:39.000 Don't change.

03:34:40.000 I had a really good set with a suit on.

03:34:42.000 You already have shoulders, bro.

03:34:43.000 You're jacked. 0.95

03:34:44.000 You don't even have to take your shirt off. 1.00

03:34:45.000 You can still kill. 0.99

03:34:46.000 You can kill with a suit and a tie on. 1.00

03:34:48.000 Yeah, stuff your shoulders.

03:34:49.000 I know you love that pop when you take your shirt off, and it is a wild pop.

03:34:53.000 That's a wild pop, buddy.

03:34:54.000 We were watching it last Tuesday night.

03:34:56.000 It's a big pop.

03:34:58.000 I had the last recorded...

03:34:59.000 They're like, is he going to take his shirt off?

03:35:01.000 You can see they're saying, is he going to take his shirt off?

03:35:03.000 I remember when he wouldn't take his shirt off in the OR. Like, I don't want to take my shirt off.

03:35:07.000 Not in the OR. Not in the OR. I was young.

03:35:12.000 Mitzi would not like it.

03:35:13.000 Do you do it now?

03:35:13.000 She would not like it.

03:35:14.000 Yeah.

03:35:14.000 Let's get something to eat.

03:35:15.000 I'm the only one there.

03:35:16.000 Let's get something to eat.

03:35:17.000 Oh yeah, you're the only one there.

03:35:18.000 Let's get something to eat and go.

03:35:20.000 Want to get something to eat?

03:35:21.000 And go, yeah.

03:35:22.000 It's 545. Whatever you want.

03:35:23.000 I would love Eddie B's.

03:35:24.000 Let's go to Eddie B's.

03:35:25.000 Let's go to Eddie B's.

03:35:26.000 My gentleman wearing suits.

03:35:28.000 I would love Eddie B's.

03:35:29.000 Let's go.

03:35:29.000 Let's go right now.

03:35:30.000 Let's go.

03:35:31.000 This podcast is over.

03:35:32.000 Love you guys.

03:35:33.000 I love you too.

03:35:34.000 Listen, this has been...

03:35:35.000 14 months. 0.99

03:35:36.000 For all these years of us doing this, it's been a fucking... 0.99

03:35:39.000 It's been fun. 0.99

03:35:40.000 We've had a good time.

03:35:41.000 It's been wild fun.

03:35:42.000 New civilizations will never have this.

03:35:44.000 Yeah, I mean, they're going to lock this down.

03:35:47.000 You know, no network would ever allow it. 0.99

03:35:49.000 No fucking producers would ever bank their mortgage on this being... 0.99

03:35:52.000 They would be like, guys, guys, guys, guys. 0.99

03:35:55.000 Let's talk about what you said there.

03:35:57.000 Eddie B's. 0.88

03:35:57.000 You guys admitted a lot of things. 0.88

03:35:59.000 I love Eddie B's right now.

03:36:00.000 Let's go eat some steaks!

03:36:02.000 I love you guys.

03:36:03.000 Bye, everybody.

The Joe Rogan Experience - January 26, 2024

Joe Rogan Experience #2093 - Sober October Crew

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Summary

Transcript